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bpd,madamegeoffrin,2019/03/14,"Being Alone Hi all,

I live alone and am having a rough night. I want to reach out to friends, tell them about my struggle with mental health today, but every time I see anyone they take up the convo with their issues. I feel anxious and lonely when I see them, and anxious and lonely when I don’t. Don’t have another therapy appointment until next week but until then I need some support. 

How do you reach out and ask someone to talk? Should I just distract myself instead? 

Thanks.",3.6276612903225818,5.6792512688172065,4.042674731182796,86.78401209677419,73.94623655913979,5.940322580645162,23.45295698924731,6.6274283507984215,0.765689247311828,380,11,70,3,8,119,66,93,0.193,0.679,0.128,-0.7587,0,6,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,4,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,8,1,0,1,1,19,17,13,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,15,3,11,15,2,13,0,2,2,0,10,3,0,1,10,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661988707767472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537802106617973,0.0,0.3994410760027315,0.0,0.1236145392779404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527326186202154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895182707457644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938951208605674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658625660521334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879177709813901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845211278756939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610737017823131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816109652518697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310863367438652,0.0,0.0,0.18801643778395133,0.16590390986236395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817548850471255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979221273374438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481758985163105,0.0,0.0,0.20061734795246475,0.0,0.0,0.1329228531285872,0.1420957956868846,0.1545208281923352,0.1627629794082259,0.2021729090731853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308672060800708,0.0,0.16757470403440006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427436142554396,0.0,0.14180896720820818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chikkinnugget,2019/03/14,"I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been working nights for the last 8 months, 5 days a week. It’s gotten to the point where it’s making my depression, bpd, and anxiety so bad. I can’t sleep anymore either. I’ve tried melatonin, exedrin pm, doc added amitryptaline to my cocktail of meds. I still can’t sleep or wake up after only two or three hours. I’m at my wits end. This job is hurting my mental health but I can’t just leave yet because I have bills to pay and trying to go back to school. I’ve even had thoughts of cutting again. I have no social life, all the people I thought were friends have abandoned me. My family barely talks to me. I voluntarily committed myself to the hospital a little over a year ago and I think I need to do it again but I can’t afford to loose at least a week of pay because of bills. I’m completely on my own financially so I have no help. I just don’t know if I should forfeit a weeks worth of pay to sit in the hospital feeling guilty. ",0.7657016769638147,2.9033013689320413,2.55405119152692,93.4289673433363,83.85436893203881,5.4930273609885285,21.499558693733448,6.782984794422108,0.3956,766,25,171,9,22,253,122,206,0.162,0.764,0.07400000000000001,-0.9109,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,1,0,10,0,18,5,3,1,2,23,30,10,0,3,8,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,6,1,6,1,8,5,0,2,6,1,24,1,24,23,4,28,0,3,0,0,4,9,0,3,17,108,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422561426235093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720668174988507,0.0,0.2779623566258057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775897482537017,0.11701100850755562,0.17085603128116789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650136708713413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693407620723006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037867727908083,0.0,0.12070233761635656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241224041037509,0.0,0.0,0.09256111837441194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321114771352516,0.0,0.07085897182044892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827178135318496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964476577087642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896221858457726,0.0,0.0,0.09393285759819854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800962631512756,0.0,0.1500227199278761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906728106964825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403450823082396,0.11423276729437384,0.0,0.14838797739351953,0.0,0.0,0.09898499442095583,0.0,0.14045705067592826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093544507953141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566389735759914,0.0,0.1412281130478134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185837481201223,0.0,0.0,0.10391200068792293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315118541258181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658275048196446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715539930888123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247755440853967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182911585074925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804823241575311,0.1428550355551006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191594883319904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126391871642376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979602435525802,0.0,0.22251094046134653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029166039829976,0.0,0.13689637259001833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372354555963879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020235560654726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902455361446948
bpd,Nonsense_constance,2019/03/14,"Relapsing. Can't stop obsessing over ex. I'm definitely having my first (real) relapse. I don't count what I guess was technically my first relapse because it was from my ex and I breaking up while I was in an outpatient program. That was more just residual chaos. That was seven months ago and I was doing a lot better up until recently. I like to say I still am, but I know I'm relapsing. I didn't realize how much better I was doing until the anxiety started coming back. And slowly suicidal ideation, mood swings, rumination, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc. I'm worried. I don't work at a great place right now and I know they would never let me take time off for out patient, not that I could afford it again anyway. But I'm afraid i'm getting closer to having a meltdown at work. Has anyone gotten the hang of dealing with relapsing?",2.9371855828220887,5.355417699386507,4.671468558282207,79.71554639570552,77.52760736196319,7.5105828220858895,26.75191717791411,8.472884824447931,2.271478834355829,667,27,118,14,16,225,106,163,0.141,0.7829999999999999,0.077,-0.9356,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,6,7,7,0,2,6,0,20,0,0,1,1,22,33,10,1,2,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,2,0,3,9,1,18,4,16,21,4,30,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,2,17,89,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553945485690109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410546619574218,0.0,0.0,0.12257515761362325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479633283908635,0.0,0.10686240518464647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310080552284747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510070561341581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996429489584564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072855133640314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550794655695472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982233965358303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158800232112847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932709528373225,0.19311479578692184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268266864857686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925805981614396,0.0,0.08564364872087221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903539820992145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992429629582342,0.0,0.12886705980553004,0.0,0.13520362475621014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831531641742601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953192953802093,0.0,0.0,0.17308946801439715,0.0,0.0,0.14970685641441933,0.0,0.1394070992054207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407958017142293,0.0,0.13999631597618284,0.1465602297227523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175181525229834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180520485583885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221994192759927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552437278308413,0.178027578874415,0.0,0.12452943315517373,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sras5462,2019/03/14,"I think I have Bpd and it scares me  A little about me.. 
New here.
 I am seeking answers and help some advice etc.. Please no rude comments. 

So I wont go into to much detail what has happened. It mostly all happened in the past two years but Iv started seeing signs the past 5 years or so after  getting out of a bad relstionship. My ex would wake me up every night and be inside me even tho i said no and cried because i hurt so much from being f* raw literally everynight i couldnt move or walk without crying the next day. To him this wasnt rape an to this day he doesnt see it that way because we were in a relationship and  if i really wanted to stop him i could have.. NO i couldnt have an tried he was 6'9 240 lb or more. Im 5'5 and would of been maybe 120lb than. After leaving that relationship it triggered a lot of things.

The past 2 years i have ruined almost all relationships around me friends family  and currently my romantic relationship is on the rocks.  I have made up stupid and Big lies that has hurt people and caused a lot of damage. (Caused a lot of debt for people) by saying i could pay people back but couldnt and i knew i couldnt but wanted the quick fix, i told someone i would get them a job and got there hopes up knowing i couldnt.. Tho i am making ammends with everyone and most have forgiven me and im paying back my debts i still knowingly lied about things some so extreme and for no reason but made it so convincing to myself and everyone else just to get what i wanted or sound good. I get defensive when im caught in a lie and blow up i yell and will say whatever i can to try an turn it or make people believe it wasnt a lie an there just wrong.   my moods have been all over the place past 2 years i have a hard time even expressing or feeling the emotion (currently on meds for depression) 

I am just finely getting help for this if this is what it is. Anyone with experience with just the little i told you what do you think? Advice, can people with BPD have a healthy relationship my partner wants to stay even if they say i have it as long as i continue to get help and work on myself. How is this treated, can it be cured? What is everyday life like for you. Are you on meds or found something better. 

Thank you for reading",2.075034583181651,3.8156941684435,3.5394497893806225,90.06063757865726,77.46481876332622,6.6225180716625935,21.886785584273753,7.499876790926021,0.6915707629101879,1771,49,386,24,41,583,222,469,0.133,0.748,0.11900000000000001,-0.7791,5,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,5,2,2,26,22,4,1,24,0,47,4,1,9,3,91,82,43,0,18,19,1,2,1,2,5,2,6,0,1,25,26,0,2,9,2,4,4,14,12,0,1,15,10,52,9,49,52,14,53,0,5,2,1,31,19,0,19,29,271,77,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065667653471352,0.0,0.0,0.06694399191208864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674542988879755,0.0,0.0,0.059513671976381424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028122280023275,0.05581977048759365,0.08150638622963481,0.0,0.0,0.07532085331046387,0.0,0.05912637192927943,0.0,0.0,0.16839895540109226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735365074758116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675395017010482,0.0,0.14687057288644778,0.08622978447989067,0.0,0.05758070859312357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055847411202160135,0.07520104169155241,0.0,0.0,0.07455917811086027,0.13246805876562553,0.0,0.056326846582887835,0.12776251766843544,0.0,0.06539542284992701,0.063023406314719,0.0,0.03380307198829862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330126824172921,0.05165074690410393,0.0,0.20956875558680926,0.0,0.037994310130071283,0.05607343391954515,0.05346874620721874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823642650053465,0.0,0.05988748711209242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443121171039274,0.0,0.0,0.0664004797792016,0.0,0.0,0.14313582800643662,0.0,0.2166393312249537,0.0,0.06634165289789969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348172626047189,0.0,0.0,0.0707880647032424,0.0,0.0,0.047220511478086376,0.03266117910549101,0.1340092771115354,0.0,0.05916312764224441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050903038439036,0.0,0.1265165480259128,0.0892502856085039,0.0,0.06716319467113416,0.0,0.14851804346502062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105455100296691,0.0982898366421578,0.0,0.0,0.06456740018446894,0.07109931616223389,0.06273735785489826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552764205743485,0.23173854153654605,0.0,0.06984754139013039,0.07338492326130719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687146027903902,0.0,0.04282797993674477,0.06873639754746877,0.0,0.3588774946247055,0.0,0.0,0.06359286300381523,0.15949344652158212,0.06693188484128515,0.0,0.10654695881026514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664464244363085,0.05146698946848087,0.0,0.0,0.04731915853469843,0.07125679602555983,0.05338918668808035,0.05589240981917812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154959996503246,0.0,0.0,0.08882881527690024,0.08567387862288553,0.0,0.0,0.03898273697249139,0.0,0.0,0.12776251766843544,0.0,0.09077809810049046,0.07271726783497838,0.06530602715098813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772739613605474,0.05306509239160718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444426186287612,0.0,0.04867004871199868,0.0,0.0,0.1424721452530255,0.0730936639738845,0.0,0.17220551055421152
bpd,TrAiLeRpArKgIrLl,2019/03/14,"Does anyone else actually like themselves or am I the only one lol I love my mood swings, I keep myself constantly entertained and I don’t want to “ get better” because I would be bored af if my moods were ever “stabilized” ",3.2231395348837215,5.513257767441863,4.793197674418604,79.84468023255816,75.97674418604652,8.020930232558143,24.703488372093023,8.841846274778883,2.0986790697674413,176,6,32,4,4,59,38,43,0.043,0.619,0.33799999999999997,0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,8,4,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2928911138297426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986326843009687,0.30752655699614195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829611648964237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654474179189392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243422433469101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262652536428966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507265475176149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27149174584722163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680956802587112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667761910182964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663212669484446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27088600536880403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338108287556406,0.228268256494314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702900022967658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132092209097632,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PurplePrincezz,2019/03/14,"I quit my job and I need emotional support (RANT) So I quit my job on short notice. My impulsive BPD got the best of me. Now I feel really sad and empty. I quit my job because there was this coworker that would call me stupid or other very demeaning terms behind my back. She would tell the manager every single mistake I made even though she was supposed to be training me. The work environment was toxic although the job was easy and it was close to home.

I don’t know how to make this feeling go away.",3.3494306930693085,4.909322297029707,4.5218688118811885,85.12953589108909,73.55445544554456,7.822277227722773,25.496287128712872,8.472884824447931,1.6562960396039608,396,13,80,7,8,130,70,101,0.10400000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.12,0.1946,4,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,5,7,5,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,3,0,15,18,8,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,2,17,2,7,8,3,8,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,56,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695459247671568,0.1120872147170098,0.0,0.08885931169512043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529753695967903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835907093826921,0.0,0.14884624975115365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639702877917016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627892216395377,0.0,0.1228165067510314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741017723927516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284377219171925,0.0,0.11658463109353402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621799855974946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5786121933184739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801107240760077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792996960939646,0.09730181050378904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808572326951213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659587527787063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651292074526424,0.0,0.0,0.09338323030908394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541671460560006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740836223081195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321711264807724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027453181803285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612142750462762,0.0,0.0,0.20709995618818625,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ciliaforsberg89,2019/03/14,"Healthy coping mechanisms? Never heard of her This last year my coping mechanisms have been binge eating and impulsively buying clothes and makeup. So now I’m overweight and my economy is fucked. It has gone so far I’ve had to ask my mom for help, which is not something I like to do because then I have to admit to her I can’t take care of myself. Which is true but I like to pretend I know how to adult.

So now she has way more control over my money and food than any mother should have for her 23 year old daughter. But it’s good because I’m eating like a person should and I’ve even started up a savings account, usually those doesn’t last longer then a few months if I have complete access to them. 

So yay I did it. 


Nope! 


Started cutting instead because why the fuck not? Like can I just have some coping mechanisms that actually are good for me?? Noooo of course not! I just find new ways to be an asshole to myself. I had been clean for a really long time too.

I really only care about instant gratification and have zero ability to think any further than that. ",1.6042211838006215,4.07068910280374,3.0510514018691595,89.0696300623053,83.2056074766355,5.622741433021806,22.468068535825548,6.996647511020387,0.8010068535825554,844,29,168,11,24,275,127,214,0.08900000000000001,0.741,0.17,0.9621,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,13,14,3,0,6,1,24,6,0,2,2,26,39,16,0,3,8,3,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,2,9,6,4,1,4,1,3,1,7,3,0,1,7,1,23,11,22,29,3,24,0,0,0,2,14,4,2,2,21,116,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.1347576243530501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781424561728746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909714171573494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525383403537558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815874772413183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478656862366246,0.0,0.1548816355838697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826046620845763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912082960150009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621335431733874,0.0,0.16698108768914333,0.0,0.0,0.2553271884299747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164961004948034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255998665331436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589161232048124,0.22512640808536813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698586077107011,0.0,0.0,0.12220684992556205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617313842099481,0.11022351437395056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650486778378868,0.13336986901944936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449040581432797,0.0,0.0,0.10502499566534387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057638636684798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693021736084127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630977280525193,0.0,0.0,0.19548409748117215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038278074400628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848361508809005,0.0,0.0,0.0805224077349706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208854902466198,0.0,0.0,0.21922160104182115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246063221814096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785311412125815
bpd,Sephalosa,2019/03/14,"how do you find the will go to on? (tw sex, self harm) i’m sorry if this post seems incredibly disorganized, i’m in the middle of a not-insignificant breakdown and just want to vent somewhere. 

had something kind of nice going with a girl i’d met a couple months ago. she ended up becoming my fav person (i of course didn’t mention this, because i hate feeling like i’m putting the responsibility of caring for my mental health on others.) and, to put a long story short, i’ve completely fucked it. fell into love way too deeply & quickly, and like a goddamn fool i spilled a bunch of thoughts the other night about how much i love her and how i’d do anything for her. she gave me a response that i saw as “i like you too, but not *that* much”. 

i know it’s never going to work out (she lives incredibly far away from me, and that isn’t likely to change any time soon) and i’m just wishing i could not love anymore so i don’t keep doing this. 

i had such a nice thing going with her and i fucked it up so so so badly. i freaked her out by telling her how in love i am, then freaked her out more by getting incredibly hateful towards myself after hearing her response. i feel like i’m a terrible person and that i’ve ruined what we had for no reason other than “i felt like she’d want to know” when i obviously should’ve just kept it to myself. 

along with having bpd i’m also hypersexual, autistic, obsessive compulsive, and depressed (i might have mental illness bingo at this point) and all of that has been stressing me out. (constantly worrying that i’m not enough, that i’m not attractive, that she just says so to make me feel better, that she isn’t into me and i’m taking all of this way too seriously)

i just want to cut out the part of my brain that gets attached to people. this happens so often to me and it never works out & makes me happy long term. i’m only ever able to find meaning in life by getting with someone & focusing on how much i love them, and how much they want to fuck me (thanks hypersexuality). i can hardly function as i am normally, i honestly don’t think i could go on without knowing someone tolerates me. (for context, i’m a complete depressed shut-in with no motivation to even do basic self care such as washing my face or showering. i’m not exaggerating when i say that i literally can hardly function as a human being) 

i guess i just need help. if anyone has any experience like this or has advice for how to find happiness on my own, i’d appreciate it. 

tl:dr; had something good going with someone who became my fp, i overshared way too much, now i feel like she doesn’t want anything to do with me. sick of falling in love, need advice on how to feel like i have a point in life other than love and sex
",4.096290276859111,4.8978005098743305,5.506830293867528,81.68865515449305,70.83123877917414,7.945743173013325,28.122885760181425,8.119692808369301,1.752406822262119,2152,75,439,29,38,726,248,557,0.142,0.6779999999999999,0.18,0.9651,1,0,2,0,0,0,68.0,1,2,2,4,36,46,6,2,17,0,32,20,2,12,6,98,100,41,0,13,17,0,8,9,0,2,6,3,1,6,31,31,0,2,18,0,0,10,16,18,0,0,12,12,67,28,76,82,13,62,0,3,1,12,41,29,3,8,28,298,98,3,0.060918921003423526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905852911089827,0.054000947832171256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048716839117037836,0.0,0.1980168763666591,0.0,0.0828539105622829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060415200233011314,0.04259592600105823,0.0,0.10026216271470563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723533161096855,0.0,0.0508647544528284,0.03713560881470485,0.06728016209173351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053877835103923084,0.0,0.0,0.07672524843588456,0.06800566293661575,0.0,0.0,0.12422179999248993,0.0,0.06444414086095829,0.0,0.12774465928223044,0.06583171176152748,0.0,0.09727760280703268,0.06740562739389228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049387547897586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053956082315317865,0.06294553005059245,0.0,0.04023637278273382,0.055104651721643916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059590394165804035,0.0,0.0,0.15401218434051395,0.17408195734808693,0.05849171752582202,0.0,0.16703637047346476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895568249974968,0.09548286566564307,0.0,0.20772976009998614,0.051095900659041175,0.0,0.0,0.06710905954515332,0.0,0.053870400655501235,0.12969864838175496,0.109142775047079,0.12028964481542055,0.0,0.06475396432946579,0.06866005142317788,0.0,0.040832668632852176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414753604318618,0.0,0.06343768176893272,0.10043833744818703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860576709824939,0.26785716901843903,0.0,0.05379252333239401,0.10782265616276404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848719324734362,0.0,0.0813277056259186,0.0,0.0,0.06635856396638225,0.0,0.0,0.12278388817663195,0.06462534824737348,0.0,0.0,0.04862490154452481,0.0,0.22391208179202132,0.09034121604638666,0.09396885482038808,0.0,0.0,0.057168280600828965,0.05968760827172433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633158453481867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596925494119306,0.0,0.042233509416284,0.10638410413573587,0.0,0.0,0.11517614216728113,0.0,0.05834348677615937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224806830546491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263479682348506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689034217674633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545829772685393,0.1271034410591373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484921223049006,0.09379672323527098,0.0,0.06819374455781084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697824181858724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580344714131242,0.0,0.05324582206712576,0.05608595774479247,0.0,0.0,0.04047182421145388,0.03903438478077445,0.0,0.0483628185672098,0.035522312734081775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965778981318853,0.14506381185044406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005375271351008,0.05872366595053475,0.0,0.0886994000626795,0.06186612135377195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,galacticwindmill,2019/03/14,"I told my FP that he was my FP... So I was just diagnosed with BPD a few days ago. I was so relieved to have a word for the way I was feeling that I immediately told a few of my closest friends, including someone who I would consider my best friend but that I also have a bit of an obsessive and emotionally dependent relationship with. He had to google what BPD was but he agrees (as does the other friend I told) that it makes a lot of sense for me. 

Shortly after that, I learned what FPs were and was so excited that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way that I texted an article to my friend who I would now consider my FP. I basically said... I know this is a weird thing to send you, but I’m relieved that I’m not the only one who feels this way. And I’m sorry that my messed-up brain fixated on you. 

He just said “there’s nothing to be sorry for” and hasn’t brought it up since, and I just feel this overwhelming panic and regret in the back of my mind. What have I done? What does he think of me now?? I’m so ashamed of even having BPD to begin with let alone having my friends acknowledge that they’ve noticed my symptoms. Kind of just wish I could take back that text, take back telling my friends about my BPD diagnosis, and just crawl into a hole and die. ",4.91031446540881,4.37973952830189,5.771698113207549,85.14861635220126,68.81132075471697,9.481761006289313,29.742138364779876,9.029198982220553,2.0122628930817616,985,32,227,16,15,325,126,265,0.102,0.748,0.15,0.9233,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,18,17,0,4,14,0,22,3,1,2,0,39,43,17,1,5,9,0,4,0,6,2,2,2,0,0,27,12,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,17,6,33,11,26,21,5,20,0,2,0,0,25,6,0,2,9,157,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224720857417735,0.0,0.0,0.09609599743176864,0.0,0.07419914258517096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140349620526164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737083606219483,0.0,0.10129583955325944,0.0,0.4674316110616344,0.10357736610765236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408028570657316,0.0,0.0,0.05983785199992901,0.0,0.0,0.09417356742308368,0.09629489841184634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623913943495779,0.09495000445315244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043692461977335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128280108739715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074277682443698,0.0,0.08908696392069826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301070356478962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662001230288242,0.05099153021423612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487768502865566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888143821250787,0.0,0.0,0.06193388297796916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368515200780562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902852399341399,0.10563493033221466,0.0,0.0,0.12574535955955676,0.1411324671059628,0.0,0.10886175572839817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961503923028556,0.0,0.0,0.17651721375049784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675168841922908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861538218088278,0.0,0.0,0.2077276550601214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964378571118052,0.1395236869603057,0.0,0.08109709938553028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616414100293589,0.05945208955603558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659765881184021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220942299511282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669674963370432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182184776307102,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cybershy,2019/03/14,"Hi. Frequently annoyed piece of fuck here I try everytime. 

It comes at a special time,  the time of 🍰🍨🍦🎂🍫🍨🍦🍰🎂🍫fuck you XYZ! 

I'm practicing what my doc is being telling me to do. 

I don't wanna let her down. 

I'm getting closer to it.",-2.993815789473686,-1.3854541754385945,1.4729605263157914,97.19259868421057,99.52631578947368,4.955263157894739,19.40570175438597,6.6274283507984215,0.17384385964912275,180,7,48,3,8,69,42,57,0.136,0.807,0.057,-0.5707,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,8,1,7,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,3,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303338634103065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6510980972197623,0.1839793466315716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36008843830639176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077871035754507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106729626576528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390808944332371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Motion_ambient,2019/03/14,"How to cope with a lack of identity? I find that I don’t have a solid identity. I don’t really know anything about myself, and I feel like I try to take aspects of other people’s identity as my own. 

I want to have my own separate identity, but I just feel so disconnected to myself and feel totally empty inside. I have no idea where to start on how to deal with this. Does anyone else have this experience?",2.65760757314974,4.37318828915663,5.099345955249572,79.62168674698798,75.74698795180723,9.080206540447504,23.9053356282272,9.606745405546679,2.246911876075731,320,10,64,9,7,113,52,83,0.098,0.846,0.055999999999999994,-0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,1,17,13,7,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,12,1,13,13,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736253025539776,0.27455473399681746,0.22050668055248934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762530297902516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344919345412788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384460461573327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621144338907942,0.0,0.0,0.40646299198870656,0.19142931650165027,0.0,0.0,0.24490884422302775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024920731146429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726276122017146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091079005770456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576840389861585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716608170202951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966211870782426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147113953110116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192595717208968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580486268975825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floraloxygen,2019/03/14,"Just got a half diagnosis? Hey! So basically I have been struggling with mental health issues my entire life (ADHD, depression, and anxiety) but a couple days ago I was told by a psychiatrist all that is likely Borderline Personality Disorder. LIKELY. (They said they have to make sure I’m not Bipolar? to start treatment). The lack of a full diagnosis is killing me, I feel like I can’t wait another day. I’ve spiralled into a deep depression because I just need to get answers and closure. I have been watching videos of other people with this disorder and I’ve never felt like I had a community more in my life. Their daily problems are the things I thought I could never put into words so other people could understand me. I feel... relieved that I kinda have an answer, but a lack of closure and treatment as of now is killing me. Also I don’t have anyone in life that I can talk to about it right now. My counsellor suggested I post something, since I feel so alone. I will be starting DBT soon hopefully but yeah idk some support would be nice as I’m not comfortable with talking about this to anyone.",3.721588924918933,6.0018067014218035,5.014986280868051,78.88732851085061,74.40284360189574,7.8544275380394115,28.64080818159141,8.6894789155246,2.489240758293839,878,37,156,18,19,291,125,211,0.204,0.684,0.11199999999999999,-0.9734,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,0,11,16,2,1,10,1,22,5,0,1,4,41,41,13,2,8,7,0,4,4,0,2,5,1,0,1,9,9,0,1,8,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,9,6,25,10,21,26,6,19,0,2,1,0,10,7,0,3,14,114,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690059318343354,0.0,0.1083523863912764,0.0,0.0,0.12659676632054312,0.0,0.0977498726906826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817220306606178,0.09350808908183957,0.0,0.0,0.17093663789402064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451224463080695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518658152672871,0.1352487479854622,0.0,0.1576606470448877,0.0,0.21055860985509212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280179750827599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541438670844407,0.08732344645575088,0.11736307291761175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386181952770932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776108307072136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992821135656535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140518115896815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757973861215727,0.0,0.0,0.2704659250769898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25901084312098066,0.2388679346506565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159163253654693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231823498328657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063439384932633,0.18854761027321507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948226705778616,0.10672934476103588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170656493332622,0.0,0.0,0.11696069652751638,0.0,0.1228781607412686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438651356186214,0.1162717962139469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111259389773572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410111494532873,0.0,0.0,0.1730346236442231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778471536378422,0.0,0.0,0.13870882487821126,0.11520337602923104,0.0,0.0,0.19649288599440895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120632898052127,0.0,0.0,0.09703953383654554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679909282613905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724910688914662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868309820554852,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,swaeter,2019/03/14,"DAE have intense paranoia that other people are “faking” their emotions to manipulate you while splitting? when i’m splitting, i start cooking up these paranoid realities in which my FP is some kind of sociopath who is only visibly and openly upset by my behavior/the argument we’re having in order to “win” or garner my favor, and that he’s not capable of real emotions and our entire relationship is a grand scheme in order to use me. 

this is one of the hardest splitting symptoms for me because i feel incredibly guilty afterwards and sometimes even during. my FP is sensitive, but he’s genuine. he isn’t manipulative or accusatory in his expression of distress. my good self knows that. 

i’ll literally be bitching him out for no good reason and he’ll get upset and then i start going “he doesn’t really care, he’s just trying to make you feel bad for him.” imagining him finding out that i’ve even had these thoughts about him breaks my heart. i feel so ashamed and so terrible about myself over this",5.4558730158730135,7.1446864126984115,6.344841269841273,73.61821428571432,68.47089947089947,8.997883597883598,32.54761904761905,9.424239791934726,3.2574380952380952,808,36,135,17,14,267,121,189,0.19,0.716,0.09300000000000001,-0.9614,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,1,1,8,15,1,4,2,0,12,3,1,5,0,29,26,15,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,10,1,0,8,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,2,3,22,7,22,22,1,19,0,0,0,0,19,9,1,3,6,91,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967602023483398,0.10927626007783793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182769236274663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032905380865754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23680130619287426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719202843038192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384193361322258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365683230093744,0.0,0.10187854737061393,0.3007123947900803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242596129167526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667346067508145,0.0985175346528647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965856754706825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147235791707005,0.13633659021742955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427748207930785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040390443051934,0.1148396264555408,0.18431086943417574,0.0,0.19245996419570574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700903425698728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729439138904662,0.0,0.2537646883341803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863215300647673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231375514045716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170691790275842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482454081731756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,schmef,2019/03/14,"DAE: self harm & intense emotions when experiencing any intense emotion, whether it be a positive or negative one, i feel the unrelenting need to self harm. it almost feels like it’s some sort of way to release an internal pressure (like letting the air out of a too full tire). i’m in an elated mood but the intrusive thought of wanting to self harm keeps coming - can anyone relate? or give insight? ",4.916,6.919577866666668,5.647666666666666,76.83550000000002,70.33333333333334,8.200000000000001,35.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.304866666666668,320,17,55,6,6,104,57,75,0.165,0.728,0.107,-0.775,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,16,12,5,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,3,1,2,8,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,3,32,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955021764426386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509955885592634,0.0,0.128726153176562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235850083353365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305969296164322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258596899458303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142508444494746,0.13523140039371084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815876895204824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682528675237111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935655521193124,0.0,0.1849586028898332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035882115910625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827025628964128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924235891345409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027799046981738,0.0,0.21756517068639306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165028187037873,0.15025246515551405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PerfectStormX,2019/03/14,"Creating A Transcendental Platform For Treatment of Borderline, Ascension, Lucid Dreaming Hybrid Mindset Voyagers 24/7, INtellectual Light Warrior/Soular Empowerment, Starseeds, Otherkin, Mind Voyagers, Mediums & Psychics, Merkaba-Ascension-5D, Dimension-Shifters, Future Earth(+Discord) ​

[https://www.reddit.com/r/LightWarriorAscension/](https://www.reddit.com/r/LightWarriorAscension/)

[https://discord.gg/PRVXJak](https://discord.gg/PRVXJak) 

[https://disboard.org/server/539367976806383616](https://disboard.org/server/539367976806383616)

​

![img](pdnp7lgnb5m21 ""Planetary Rainbow Forge"")

Comprehensive Introductory Information To The Community, Discord Server And Internal Chatrooms/Mission Objective On Gaia:

​

At the shift of ages, and the arrival of the age of Aquarius, golden age as we battle the last inner and outer demons of the Kali Yuga/age of Pisces, this transition time is like no other. A powerful incentive, a leap of faith: Take the first step: make the Quantum Leap, The Interdimensional Shift and Enter The Lightning Grid

​

\-Psychic tools, trainings, intent, purpose documentations, pantheon and mentorship/guidance for otherkin and humans alike: All-in-One.

→Free Speech, Absolute Tolerance for Mutual Respect and Natural Equality ( circles of responsibility but nonhierarchy).

→Diverse Environment, rapidly expanding, work in progress pantheon for the golden age with widest assortments of deities helping out. Friendly and Helpful staff whose best interest is to serve your growth and cooperate on creative works/your development.

→ Knowledge on esoteric/transcendental topics generally not discussed/shunned/overlooked/disregarded/labeled as forbidden or far-fetched knowledge by others (metaphysics-spirit science, free energy, universal law, light body process, central nervous system rewiring, DNA-upgrade, cosmic origin, obscure(d) truths, connected dots and converging rivers).

\-""Convert""-friendly- encouraging ex-religious ones for the One-Source path of the truth-seeker lightwarriors/workers/starseeds/otherkin/enlightened human old or mature souls(motto: strength in unity, collaboration versus illusion of separation)

\-Various high-quality reddit/youtube/no-nonsense channeling websites/ news/video post feeds ( of spiritual/esoteric/cosmic theme)

\-Weavesilk avantgarde spirit-art. (Interactive generative art- subliminal, angelic/demonic/divine, spiritual source channeling and through the higher aspects of self outside of the boundaries of the human psyche box/confines. - Surreal, intricate shapes including the semblance of elements of Gothic dark fantasy, with multiple meanings will be created on the screen and you will recognize your ability to master your soul-mind interaction as well, as I fill the screen with this magical stream of thoughts with a natural flow.)

\-Soul ScienceTechnology & Source Transmissions. Logos God, Elohim, Doctor, Scientist, & Architect Of The Age Of Aquarius. 

\-Multiversal Starseed Community. Come join your star families and twin souls, or otherwise join and commune on the older site with archived content in the interim period 

\-Soul technology/higher-self descent to physical vessel: Production of DMT internally without the use of  physical substance and unlock spirit molecule

\-Sections encouraging to showcase your work (media/documents/arts, personal photos)

\-A place of unconditional love and growth for Starseeds, Indigos, Human Angels and Walk Ins' to reunite with their long lost Star Family and Soul Mates.

\-Server voice chat option for those interested

\-Server map for ease of access with descriptions and guidelines for each topic (accessibility)

Our own e-literature (growing library of PDF e-books and Links), videos, (multi)media and psychic tools, image-works not available anywhere else and written/crafted/made/authored exclusively by us.

\-Mainstream launch Mid-February with over 340 members and counting

\-Logos God, Elohim, Doctor, Scientist, & Architect Of The Age Of Aquarius.

\-Futuristic & Future-Oriented Community Dedicated To The Universal Law, Spirit Science, Soul Technologies and Extraterrestrial Soul Origins

\-A joint planetwide effort for reconstructing the new pantheon for the golden age of Aquarius, fusing the ancient with the new influx past with the future to create the new present in the Now with the help of deities and entities of various origins. Spirituality, lightworkers, ascension. 

​

We are highly focused and streamlined, yet loose and flexible (effortless effort being the motto). Our basic aim-quintessence is to harness all available energies to create an interdimensional rift/gate to haven that can propel us to 5th dimension and beyond while still connected to Earth but ultimately undergoing physical transfiguration, also fueled by the bowels of the earth likewise (as above so below)- which constructs a beastly cyclotron that irons out certain unwanted specific frequency-sets, diminishes their influence on the collective.

​

""As soon as humanity unites on this planet, it will qualify to establish contact with other more advanced civilizations, such as the Agarthans and those from the GF. In fact the Agarthans and some ascended masters such as St. Germain will already help us run the cities of light and the numerous healing centres which will manifest very soon all over the globe. The next step will be visiting other civilizations, but this could only happen after the incarnated human personality has completed the LBP and has ascended at least to 5D by transfiguring from a carbon-based body into crystalline light body.""

The three cities of light will be open portals to the multiverse and to numerous advanced humanoid, and later on, other civilisations, such as the dragons. Alone this fact will make the existence of national states and nations obsolete as all the people will recognize their multidimensional nature and will strive to ascend too and be able to live in these cities of light and enjoy the advantages of a higher dimensional life. In the first place, they will enjoy the healing possibilities there which will help all humans advance rapidly in their LBP and also ascend.

(Source: [http://www.stankovuniversallaw.com](http://www.stankovuniversallaw.com))

​

""You see, nothing is ever just about one thing. We are not just sharing information with you. We are also preparing you for contact. Now, all of the other beings from the other star systems that are connecting with you all through the various channels that you have there on Earth are doing the same thing. And certainly those who channel faeries are readying you for more interactions with the fae.""

""We are excited to witness the coming together of humanity and the Arcturian beings that you will be meeting in the flesh. Now, of course, some have already established connections with physical Arcturian beings.  A full and open contact with the fourth and fifth dimensional beings who are from our little star system.""

(Source: [www.danielscranton.com](https://www.danielscranton.com) )

​

\`\`\`Keywords: spirituality, starseeds, occult, esoteric, lightworker, light warrior, spiritual awakening, light body, soul technology, quantum, lucid dreaming, astral projection, psychic, chaos magic, otherkin, bilocation, golden age, mentor, indigo, crystalline, human angels, transliminal souls, walk-ins, lucid dream, mental projection, multilocation\`\`\`

​",15.558663723916533,16.919406482209734,12.42051631888711,39.98199438202252,46.443820224719104,15.156661316211881,52.404761904761905,13.952132211446106,8.39578405564473,6225,356,615,201,56,1862,575,1068,0.026000000000000002,0.815,0.159,0.9993,3,1,0,0,0,0,409.0,11,13,5,17,23,24,1,1,74,0,42,13,6,9,12,125,54,65,0,2,13,0,0,1,3,13,5,2,0,12,30,73,1,0,8,11,1,16,5,3,1,5,2,13,30,22,141,28,21,104,14,1,3,1,67,44,0,6,40,418,60,10,0.040467891816971135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191253144477265,0.08931464983581001,0.09708647539615564,0.0,0.6138572142693427,0.4425562619019773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042468555791392144,0.0,0.0,0.17980281990193664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971901105659155,0.04242981463623281,0.0,0.0,0.032310318713524626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284120409214088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033805730886619194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03660552497898049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629905370979986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884393621296707,0.0,0.0,0.06253078566569185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03578562308648248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562387429183376,0.08551309909213313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032986733008402755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028583668768069163,0.01977056782960052,0.04055945889724352,0.03573388988053286,0.03581281080772917,0.0,0.0,0.04417548432952671,0.0,0.03652385233680015,0.03829169770990755,0.054025264052316224,0.0,0.0,0.04408139775768849,0.0,0.0,0.040782116801771545,0.0,0.08172206927189578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725242626467755,0.04303806204557187,0.0,0.0,0.038830033623461636,0.0,0.042464245029786914,0.0,0.082266272437355,0.030777655279851837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03863118177670359,0.028055340803117057,0.0706700044304529,0.08456066759403924,0.0,0.0,0.04562146761115817,0.03875705400215178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032247670382510085,0.0,0.08443367376872737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03231771067954006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030426818355085775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377013830341963,0.0,0.0,0.032126985795294404,0.023597153152641232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603367352715346,0.03495126538324974,0.0,0.033390248889484435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036385494741886966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03900960361147305,0.0,0.0883833216390611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425562619019773,0.0
bpd,ihyanhdbaitd,2019/03/14,"I need help... I think Guys, english is not my first language so you going to see little mistakes here and there. I apologize.  


Well, I'm brazilian and as you guys may know we have a ""gorgeous, beautiful and classy president"" ruling my country now. #Irony  


I have BPD, PTSD and MDD and anytime I hear, see or read anything related to Bolsonaro or his sons my head hurts, I feel like throwing up and it feels like my skull is trying to pressure my brain, literally like a pressure cooker.   
He disgusts me... anybody here have felt something like that towards to any person? Physical symptoms like that?  


Will this ever end?  


You guys can relate to those symptoms or feelings? ",3.366135084427768,6.1212064390243945,3.7373983739837406,85.11934333958725,78.10569105691056,5.7358348968105055,29.786741713570986,7.010146845296331,1.8943676047529705,524,25,90,6,13,163,85,123,0.094,0.732,0.174,0.8736,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,3,0,1,7,12,1,2,2,0,8,5,3,0,1,21,20,11,0,2,4,1,4,5,0,2,2,1,0,4,5,7,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,5,1,1,1,7,17,7,8,17,0,9,0,1,2,0,14,3,0,4,9,58,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169628054251044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306346143515802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883477155556612,0.1669425843523136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245320219348167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352727489300349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268445682193933,0.21367111644721135,0.14358743177119565,0.0,0.0,0.12720359158951486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499033144318216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442215973572882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347714743915045,0.0,0.16854899917719224,0.0,0.10023740572786513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009188510088287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821864675067726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653026503176055,0.14988419106939144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088632496952043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057763509326076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481105190812327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958628157079934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383373013629324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512767249449064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31087071820132833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582291815872404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153179014080857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445964503283747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itdontfeelgoodnomore,2019/03/14,"I don’t feel capable of functioning. I have a well-paying job but I hate it with all of my being. I hide in the bathroom for hours every day and can’t focus enough to complete the tasks I’m required to do. I’ve been here for 3 months and every day I’m worried that they are going to realize that I’m not doing anything. I’m so angry and anxious all of the time.

I’m hiding in the bathroom crying right now. I’m going to plaster on my most normal face and try to get some things done until I can go home.",1.4974774774774782,2.7240214504504543,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,77.73873873873873,6.014414414414415,22.243243243243235,6.42735559955562,0.43244864864864896,395,11,87,3,9,138,72,111,0.226,0.758,0.016,-0.9772,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,5,0,10,1,1,0,2,15,22,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,2,1,8,0,15,19,5,14,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,7,56,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232268104419912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919028098347494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21556641322009704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584060991963564,0.2651884136822099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103989382847511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243850376970733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464516856474502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395692268317057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741687880166516,0.0,0.3505395807185356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298623383613051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623234373418708,0.0,0.20247338740292886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040250685904545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410698776808472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014431554495772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558023806286496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659069632746632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988630426342604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958807839750048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485799813156267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879554503500056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,furysgrace,2019/03/14,"FP is a person I hardly know?? Hi there, new to this sub but I need advice. 

Recently diagnosed and recognizing trends in my previous FPs: they tend to be ppl I don't know very well that I want to be friends with or closer to. 

Current FP is a person from work I hardly know and I don't know what to do about that. I definitely don't want to have to explain my issues to someone I hardly know. How do I un-favorite a person?? ",0.18299999999999986,2.2751790777777785,2.9977777777777765,89.60000000000002,86.0,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.5299111111111112,327,10,72,5,10,115,52,90,0.03,0.8220000000000001,0.147,0.8691,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,0,15,20,5,0,3,2,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,12,2,12,18,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730357103683531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972747005562786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680776089897095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758734486192122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482036897893014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865791416022834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129892172249627,0.0,0.1710202073690273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638453666905633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484027049770326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003513335487156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461054786949853,0.2088869299205056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592117550370063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289127609227919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImSkynight,2019/03/14,"No one has ever cared for me the way I endlessly care for them I’ve never been anyone’s best friend, or first choice. No one has ever been like “I see your down lately how can I make things better” no one has ever gone out of there way to make me feel like I’m the best. It hurts not being someone that other people care for and they just kinda care. I wish I had one person and that was like I care for you so much you are my world.",0.4567251461988313,2.13040194736842,2.1898245614035083,98.16321637426904,82.15789473684211,4.643274853801169,12.660818713450293,5.033348758259628,-1.4214795321637426,335,2,81,1,9,110,62,95,0.14,0.589,0.27,0.9347,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,2,4,7,13,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,3,4,16,22,5,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,5,5,2,14,12,8,16,3,12,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,2,9,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821602865196405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264800346442826,0.11158082688742102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.643157391804547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34236468072173903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379174978469453,0.0901307964101268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731409286218578,0.0,0.0,0.09747313864963968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505998698243246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231723927135292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491045126535935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842942232354088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274424329873776,0.0,0.09730460125484376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419649673510033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746546504582021,0.11016057237866424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053549184963716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689741034952192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381702053257792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028446511127185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508110133347213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,queernotreallyaboi,2019/03/14,"I don't know how to help my boyfriend He has BPD, PTSD, and autism. He is an absolute sweetheart, I've never known anyone as kind-hearted and compassionate as him. I love him sincerely and truly. To see him smile, to see him happy, I've never known something so joyous. 

But he feels so bad so often. A lot of the time it feels like all our relationship is is trying to comfort and console, and that's hard to do all the time. I have schizophrenia, I sometimes border of being completely unable to function at even normal things; showering, eating, changing clothes, etc. It's hard to be there for him when he needs me.

On top of all this it hurts that we almost never get to spend time together happy or to just enjoy each other. It feels like a battle to just be a couple. It feels like the basis of our relationship is just trying to make each other not feel like shit. I try very hard every day to make him feel better, I can't though, and it's deeply upsetting and disturbing to me. On top of that, as much as I push myself and try my hardest to make him feel okay, he almost never does the things for me that I do for him. For example, he age regresses a lot due to pretty severe (brutal even)  trauma, so yesterday I took him to a build-a-bear workshop to buy him a nice cute stuff bunny with my voice saying ""I love you"" inside so when I am not with him he can still feel that I care about him. I enjoy doing things like that, I'm definitely not complaining at all, but I can't recall him ever doing something like that for me. 

I don't know what to do.

He's having a particularly hard time and I feel like I can't handle it. I can't handle seeing him hurt like this and feeling powerless. 

Sometimes because of all of these things I feel trapped in our relationship. I feel like I'm drowning in his pain just as much as mine, and no amount of healthy behavior, no amount of kindness and reassurance, no amount of love can help him. He's said on multiple occasions if I leave him he'll kill himself, and there isn't a doubt in my mind that he would. I don't even want to leave him, but I feel like I can't take it sometimes but knowing I'll lose him completely is too much. I've already lost one girlfriend to suicide, one who also had BPD. 

All four serious relationships I've had have been with people with BPD, 2 of which also having Bipolar 1. I don't know what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. I don't know what I should expect from someone or what my responsibilities in a relationship should look like.

I feel like I'm drowning, and all of this is on top of my schizophrenia, which is very very severe by all standards. I've already spent about 3 weeks in hospital this year due to my psychosis, I should be taking it easy and focusing on my classes (I'm in an honors program at my college that takes a lot to maintain and get through) and  to reintegrating socially I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him, but sometimes I feel like this will be the death of me, like I'm trapped in a relationship I don't always want to be in. I don't remember the last time he did the things I do for him for me. He can't handle any level of suggestions or critiques about how to improve his unhealthy behaviors, he just breaks down and cuts or hits himself in the face or his head against a wall. No matter how loving or reassuraning or kind I am about it he just can't seem to see a wish to improve our relationship as a vicious attack on him as a person. Today I brought this up to him and he said he wanted to kill himself and that he is miserable and sad all the time and that even when he seems happy he isn't, he's just pretending for me. 

I really don't know what to do.",6.310747638326582,5.148121505263159,7.008421052631579,79.5244601889339,66.1842105263158,9.9527665317139,31.59244264507421,8.986495653885253,2.355374831309041,2904,92,614,41,39,966,271,760,0.145,0.669,0.187,0.9791,2,2,2,0,0,1,76.0,5,1,0,7,36,59,8,4,27,1,60,10,3,6,14,121,122,57,6,13,23,0,19,15,2,6,2,4,1,1,45,29,1,0,27,1,3,3,30,22,0,3,10,29,90,37,96,99,21,53,0,6,6,4,81,25,1,17,39,416,135,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920466982388371,0.0,0.09830631221434796,0.0712403723213793,0.037062475615376726,0.0,0.0,0.03029005752281548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031144771322284232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067290529253121,0.0,0.0,0.037190672783076084,0.02715236298464439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939374046263802,0.0,0.0,0.1682971031399837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541349275882054,0.0,0.0471194834483879,0.0,0.09340278694467964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928482716787793,0.0,0.02872587678822105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038978965902376685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557754095075805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496760551301871,0.11767816754356213,0.04029074932241358,0.0375285190510108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33782626972436003,0.28638704071877663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654266726946233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422472214088768,0.15960337475637154,0.0,0.04571289726202154,0.0,0.0,0.05278243238051072,0.059711068472472935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536617038053187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855814985919488,0.13915077877589735,0.17135365920640247,0.0363076391165025,0.0,0.14149050031891294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32641424737452074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480804980756778,0.04983105542893921,0.048622806703064576,0.11360393459508847,0.16080341747710128,0.0,0.08919630461217193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497467812623317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823038827989122,0.033027296022064244,0.1374140097212679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043641659776354015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036556434884505,0.0,0.04739578167869739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030879783969833763,0.038892317959600776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531518242519236,0.0,0.0,0.05206716302379947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028534717607655406,0.0,0.0,0.3825711314886616,0.05045735326934645,0.0,0.08473920041787089,0.03542155123423854,0.0,0.0,0.14197668842171832,0.08109864781824959,0.0,0.10063946394574554,0.04572167780030727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045404914892271726,0.03774025481712858,0.06858114778088224,0.17621253387361532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035571263638790256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050989883107731865,0.04872167046678941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047002290451924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479584819954498,0.0,0.043762245667347884,0.0,0.1558366366183691,0.0,0.042220566181264886,0.0,0.049487752082755514,0.12096425738890072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025533565698513,0.1050879988825176,0.0,0.035728870414008906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122105124503962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03164132760683073,0.0,0.0,0.028683559330863195
bpd,Fillebleu,2019/03/14,"Anyone past 35 yrs old in here? Just turned 36 and l just found out the reason for all my idiotic behavior. One of the biggest things that depresses is me is the fact compared to my age mates l am way behind in everything - career, relationship etc. Anyone here my age still floundering in the wonderful shit that is BPD?",5.807131147540983,6.742360491803278,6.606680327868855,74.85788934426232,67.0327868852459,10.69016393442623,30.004098360655732,10.686352973137794,3.2893901639344265,254,9,47,7,4,84,46,61,0.155,0.792,0.053,-0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,4,0,4,1,1,1,2,9,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,8,6,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,1,5,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358231327191197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024480943054434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068323469259992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678197293908339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158224695670868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26330126380034924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519866764110351,0.0,0.16272517076953089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292409318690043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469040546972234,0.0,0.2578206357155352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465003983042135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917762225052699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953843559135567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612035095752746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906120620494036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604217333841092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilovejesus18,2019/03/14,"When someone I love is crying I can never cry with them even if I try I always feel like a sociopath when this happens. If I’m watching someone cry on tv I immediately cry as an uncontrolled response, but when I’m with someone in person I get all tense and want to run away I hate it, I feel like I can’t connect with their pain like a caring person should. I should be balling too right? But I can’t. My emotions turn off. Maybe I just get into a “how do I fix this” mode so I turn off my emotions to think logically idk",1.9642342342342367,3.306709387387393,3.7839639639639664,89.90045045045046,76.74774774774775,6.014414414414415,24.94594594594595,6.42735559955562,0.6651513513513511,406,14,91,3,9,137,69,111,0.155,0.654,0.191,0.2917,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,8,8,1,1,4,0,8,2,0,1,2,20,22,11,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,18,5,12,19,1,12,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,2,7,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197236187640344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643220146051726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720227698854415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5912718281467717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302744494868166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888169329191363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360844706921035,0.19227253937895067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061371496800648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899910696297715,0.0,0.0,0.13285923378840678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723115427006094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145396491834792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519285761921113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378806979244087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319112604934314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350012851800859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149213690828433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420601618909081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622651536353541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136365945318088,0.2927453134118839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937240594674677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ghost-Music,2019/03/14,"What is meant by an unstable sense of self? I mean every way too. My Psychiatrist mentioned that I still had an unstable sense of self but I didn’t understand or get a chance to ask because she was explaining a lot of what she saw I was still struggling with. So what does it mean, in its many ways?",2.8150819672131107,4.425894114754102,3.8696393442622967,89.04872131147543,75.0655737704918,8.158688524590165,25.31475409836065,8.841846274778883,1.6643481967213112,235,8,52,5,5,76,45,61,0.126,0.833,0.042,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,13,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,1,7,0,7,7,1,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,2,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035577846941666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327324639145138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054600102349206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345559108503764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376031815947013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511501384142304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075448522699148,0.0,0.4743660318609909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543012338365661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477753645234881,0.0,0.0,0.22762943466391475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667532795454914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456642251882058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NixonGottaRawDeal,2019/03/14,"How to not feel abandoned when you are being abandoned? Long story short, i currently live with my dad, but the lease expires at the end of March. i was told this with very little notice. i work part time, all my social circles are aware and haven’t offered any help, even when directly asked. been cut off my my mother, and i’m moving 200 miles away when i built my support system here. however if i stay here i’m homeless in a bad area. 

overview: i feel lost and left for dead by all my friends and family but one. idk how to handle the abandonment without drugs or self harm ",2.8733043478260885,4.787889069565222,3.5680434782608725,89.9642391304348,75.69565217391305,6.339130434782609,23.67391304347826,7.1686216300943375,0.8520608695652174,453,14,92,5,10,143,86,115,0.20199999999999999,0.6890000000000001,0.109,-0.9384,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,8,9,1,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,2,21,14,13,1,1,6,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,4,2,13,2,12,9,3,20,0,4,0,0,10,9,0,2,8,57,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498223145773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855644145238442,0.0,0.18649096286804925,0.0,0.1657335908950514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301891778609956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580612290264105,0.0,0.0,0.13110293399840794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871217912172845,0.0,0.20072832456915274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533554094195207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304585603821809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215663520609209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198942404411006,0.17527319557693752,0.17566029933624944,0.0,0.0,0.21667885389698904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109669349101787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598590556460102,0.0,0.0,0.1345041780273072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149488703462536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707177227587087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233889376706185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156741738336307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252478126026508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157430230352565,0.0,0.0,0.18966882746041075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377773714351512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134043077961616,0.0,0.14450546592393101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DrRobotniksMachine,2019/03/14,"[TW suicide] my attempt wasn't good enough My father said to me that people who don't succeed in killing themselves don't actually want to do it and it's just a cry for help. He implied it doesn't need to be taken seriously because it's not an actual threat. 

I feel like a failure even in trying to kill myself. Apparently an overdose isn't good enough. It has to be with a gun if you're serious. Even though I took months and months worth of hoarded benzos.

Also ""men are more successful at killing themselves than women"" Of course. I forget that being female makes me lesser in my fathers eyes in literally every way.

It's so twisted that I feel I have to prove myself with this. 

He's such a fucking asshole.",2.772031419284944,4.885683147887324,4.292535211267609,83.74244312026002,76.67605633802816,6.341061755146263,26.416034669555803,7.321109707123232,1.4506342361863491,565,22,107,7,13,188,94,142,0.177,0.6859999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.4698,1,0,0,1,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,7,12,5,0,6,0,12,2,1,1,1,14,21,6,4,3,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,11,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,7,0,0,4,4,12,5,17,14,3,9,0,0,1,1,9,5,1,1,3,72,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.3108448949067377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127366442526733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708820341217847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494825516479676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32913252915457203,0.0,0.21038982636802375,0.0,0.13419003323736212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610612213825863,0.11378098424165807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472405614067801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717263322469553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675388298787314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286188373477286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781022683895067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063125269637203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542521575778021,0.0,0.0,0.11809509309218608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041627386474087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151500197824557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742131782613517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564798544984111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769524421627406,0.10813241589340182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939403047301509,0.12641940644226954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,queasybake,2019/03/14,"DAE get extremely triggered going home / visiting family? I don't know if I can :( I'm supposed to be heading home for a few days this weekend to see my parents (leaving tonight), and my anxiety is in FULL effect. Last time I saw my family was over the holidays and I had a very, very intense breakdown that brought me back into the familiar warmth of all those lovely BPD symptoms I've since combatted for years. Because last time was so bad, I'm dreading this time to the point where I really don't want to get on the train. Home has always been triggering, because I went undiagnosed through my youth / entire teenage and early 20s and this is the place where I suffered the most. The thought of sitting 4 hours on a train going to a place I have no desire to visit is making my head spin. 

​

Help?! ",6.432222222222222,6.397026687898091,6.696135881104034,78.12506723283795,65.56050955414013,9.780325548478416,35.27883934890304,9.444778638647367,3.2112015569709835,638,28,120,11,9,206,102,157,0.125,0.789,0.086,-0.7458,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,11,0,13,4,2,4,1,16,28,6,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,5,0,0,3,2,0,6,3,3,0,0,8,2,14,1,16,19,4,31,0,1,2,1,5,11,0,2,13,73,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377301720099588,0.14815041889519526,0.16614586455384905,0.0,0.0,0.10460056174522277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513942895947456,0.1141665521261083,0.1667026397782214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221074139004208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818163438019283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577998776900542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287495899577246,0.0,0.15541731361738176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806555234179529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091649415043257,0.0,0.4114637939121621,0.0,0.13465470811315447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514501813741008,0.2229116960560273,0.0,0.14478076868204345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340709625324366,0.0,0.09127050590845748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518260924737949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857142874411912,0.0,0.12925711703395218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759482099610252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089586970766389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310715709272065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211820063749234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855092698893096,0.23919077239367026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256385016907213,0.0806488132940481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675309231957704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614586455384905,0.08805172981434993
bpd,ka_bob,2019/03/14,"Advice for someone struggling Hello everyone. I have been in CBT therapy for two years now. It seems as if I'm just going in circles. I have done extensive research on BPD and I am 90% sure thay it is what I'm dealing with. My therapist says that I do not fit the criteria but the criteria she mentions does not match the criteria that is readily available on the internet. Her step-mother has BPD and was the reason she pursued a career in psychiatry. I believe she might be trying to compare me and every one of her clients to her step mother. Any one of us that doesn't mirror her step mother is immediately ruled out. I have talked with her about some of her other patients without mentioning names and she always says how they remind her of her step mother. Seems like a self fulfilling prophecy to me. She is a great person but the therapy just isn't working. She gives me all these behavioral practices to try and remediate my thought processes but that isn't the problem. The problem is my inability to rationalize my emotions. Once I feel something, that is what I feel until I feel something else. I am growing increasingly frustrated with therapy because i am being told the same thing over and over with no results. I can't hold a job. I started a business and essentially ruined it because of my innability to interact appropriately with other people. I have no friends and the people in my family that are not mentally ill want nothing to do with me. I am desperate to find out what is going on so that I may have a chance to reconcile my life while I am still young. Has anyone had similar experiences with therapy/therapists?",4.964439978563775,6.7776826398713865,6.196225884244374,73.71894761521975,69.86816720257235,9.556323687031082,33.21556806002145,9.928628108626363,3.6581606645230447,1315,63,226,34,24,441,163,311,0.081,0.83,0.08900000000000001,0.5242,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,1,7,9,1,1,16,0,34,2,0,3,2,49,48,17,0,4,10,3,3,1,1,2,2,2,0,2,17,17,0,1,9,0,0,7,10,5,0,3,6,5,44,4,38,38,4,26,0,1,0,0,33,12,0,6,8,179,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080913615752656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204025489453367,0.0,0.0,0.07522175917502284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734433934968178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348593351415912,0.0,0.0,0.12462483824430982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786305738049347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140388531973266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679963082907572,0.11319719761132947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924043512723422,0.12442659960294596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931976183975234,0.10569704403430158,0.0,0.10820235879428332,0.10427765316469298,0.0,0.16779028092014048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109979157253883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854606087850506,0.0,0.0,0.10611165729098776,0.1257297161689607,0.0,0.0,0.1219530486740718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097679778956022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813040275198982,0.054040733528503096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147355633929493,0.11734466965953595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061377456648753,0.0,0.0,0.11780099850057807,0.1499107071847877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337254948465726,0.09658445095760827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168657379134775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373028914769093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759304282958628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139885673737495,0.1153952103018721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372343901690172,0.17031313256616962,0.0,0.0,0.0782936228023905,0.0,0.08833700711769453,0.0,0.0,0.1156384554015467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425300414950453,0.0,0.0,0.0889078704330917,0.0,0.0,0.379492497678854,0.25686428233236186,0.0734874622947178,0.0,0.0,0.08781568103664272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569704403430158,0.0,0.15020018088839196,0.0,0.10805444591185652,0.0,0.13305581146829368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652433899982822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662858102961947,0.0,0.0805287869359928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123221177917781
bpd,ilovemesomeleas,2019/03/14,"i literally feel like i have multiple personalities it’s like there are multiple versions of me- each with its own set of beliefs. i never know which is going to come out today and it’s confusing because my views, beliefs, and overall outlook on life change with each day (sometimes multiple times in a day). 

i feel like i come off as a hypocrite but really i just am looking at things from an entirely different perspective in that moment and my brain is on the brink of exploding.

who am i?!?! ",3.4840307328605182,5.949152627659576,5.053546099290781,77.4338888888889,75.91489361702128,8.858628841607569,30.657210401891252,9.444778638647367,3.322162174940898,393,19,70,11,9,132,66,94,0.017,0.9129999999999999,0.071,0.5781,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,0,6,2,1,0,1,19,13,5,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,10,3,15,13,4,18,2,0,2,0,2,8,0,1,9,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655708670568073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500741338710848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369775105918895,0.3859371052345465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889414854599757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23404734787082696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265368026215408,0.320071835392451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731253445925014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311244466124965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582279813518491,0.3283263317148508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188115659576888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277369975768428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560071581238347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350934792210854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155594966463416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882519997335075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062458634294685,0.0,0.2123394387456636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PatsMan123,2019/03/14,"Why do I feel so lonely without her? I want to start off by mentioning that I do not have BPD, but my ex-gf did. 

I don’t know if this is the correct place to post this but I’m kind of all over the place so any support would be very much appreciated. 

She recently gave me a very thoughtful present for my birthday. Took her about a week to make by hand, tailored it just for me, and put in a lot of thought and effort into making it. 

When she gave it to me, I didn’t know how to feel honestly. I know I was happy but it was kind of odd receiving it from her since we weren’t together. 

It did feel really nice to be with her again and hang out for a bit, but now I’m just all over the place. 

I really miss her and I really want to be by her side but I can’t right now. I want to give her some space for her to work on her mental health (that’s what she asked for when breaking up with me). 

She’s been messaging me more recently and saying things like “I still love you BUT, I’m still not in a good place rn”, “I want to be with you BUT...” 

All of this is confusing me a lot. I want all of that but idk how to go about my days now that she isn’t here as much...

Idk if this made sense, I want to type more but I don’t want it to be too lengthy. Sorry if it’s all over the place, I’m also all over the place so I can’t properly think...",0.0485754985754987,1.4284690836120433,2.2653437383872195,98.54531648705564,82.24414715719064,6.168760064412239,17.763037284776413,7.093109894594671,-0.2673947479251826,1012,20,270,13,27,343,131,299,0.08900000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.129,0.978,1,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,2,0,2,20,12,0,1,11,0,23,3,1,5,7,61,56,26,0,11,17,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,18,11,0,0,9,0,0,5,10,3,0,0,13,5,43,9,45,37,14,41,0,2,0,1,26,20,0,7,15,190,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529888696488465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403132221940577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802591785980737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279719828000222,0.0,0.1185899149870306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072474016518677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282879928244996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032585509500393,0.053512707339356834,0.07897606901077732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023396469271903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008657230118524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610413628673184,0.15524190722396414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600131211349825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010116269937158,0.08498213836918486,0.08909548541503752,0.12570367503374694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489008610256697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843534057227308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5902564401860846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017825654371783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465576252348057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096192417587426,0.0,0.18594122881523506,0.0,0.0,0.08041123808135946,0.0,0.07487898492375981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788926541852789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540324775247932,0.06664619711591528,0.0,0.15039093551348925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068504729268254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255502967340804,0.06033326013393591,0.0,0.14950339449761008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461407005048326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538200763387966,0.38876176274503693,0.0,0.07552863880471589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496381666842552,0.0,0.0,0.0907658781792045,0.0,0.06854884491917844,0.0,0.0,0.06688782422802203,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuzzysockclub,2019/03/14,"What is your experience with empathy? When my mom cries, I get incredibly uncomfortable. I start to feel anxious about how to respond and worry that I should be crying too— but I usually can’t. I care about my mom but the main feeling that I have is anxiety and helplessness. Sometimes I even experience frustration with her because of my discomfort (but I don’t show it). Sometimes when she cries, I stop feeling real— like I’m not a real person or I’m a passenger in my body. In those moments, it’s like I feel no connection to myself or anything and have no real identity.
",3.4691891891891875,5.6887388468468485,5.429090090090091,75.90904054054054,74.94594594594595,9.124684684684683,30.91981981981982,9.642632912329526,3.402091171171172,456,22,82,13,10,157,69,111,0.281,0.605,0.114,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,1,3,0,8,1,1,1,0,20,17,11,0,1,6,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,4,18,3,10,15,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,8,61,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072357568751548,0.15836119644173846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535451839060197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854511842548508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570611438401738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292077413612006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619367254233218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258622153093088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27424188880754075,0.0,0.0,0.2835127568741955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323719925967849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696774266796005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283494686602539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239798907901996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786596271968162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27727917655940343,0.0,0.09921868265244838,0.0,0.0,0.11719505258030187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543862204157313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235752431883605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hahabyeeee,2019/03/14,Does anyone else think “Borderline Personality Disorder” is the ugliest sounding diagnosis ever? I understand that it’s because you’re on the borderline of psychosis and neurosis but it’s just such an ugly name that I feel like has such a negative connotation to it. I’ve heard “emotional dysregulation disorder” which I like sooo much more but unfortunately it’s not a commonly used name. I just hate the way “Borderline Personality Disorder” sounds and I hate saying it. It just sounds so nasty to me idk why,5.1052258852258845,8.087686604395607,6.89619047619048,63.6293650793651,73.06593406593407,11.516971916971919,33.188034188034194,10.980518767755715,5.051841514041515,415,21,66,17,9,143,60,91,0.3670000000000001,0.561,0.07200000000000001,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,2,0,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,15,9,5,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,2,9,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,6,2,4,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597918622542525,0.18460565149344046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983007572944932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6194719419014268,0.0,0.1576681476796235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505090750642749,0.20266721384621209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297425206710414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910994617256876,0.12871361995215425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35576152434896346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760441084683952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244582052048315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146353213687136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327856683085438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544578299271907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756352214843228,0.0,0.15560919664189554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301071083044514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257557306801446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SpillingMyGuts_,2019/03/14,"Gonna try quit smoking Heavy pot smoker trying to quit. Weed is causing too much anxiety than good. Derealization is bring me to the end of my rope.  Existentialism sucks. I’m mr meeseeks, existence is pain lol  ",2.7592307692307685,5.7345438974358975,4.093025641025643,79.6103076923077,84.38461538461539,7.222564102564102,25.748717948717946,8.238735603445708,2.1424933333333334,168,7,31,4,5,55,35,39,0.166,0.708,0.126,-0.2023,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288922280283872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073675957559278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650082360522069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25096029811836656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995127622390453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183769152420148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6364860927554747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062832783632419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Andrs_96,2019/03/14,"Rant I've tried killing myself, twice now; I've physically hurt myself more than anyone ever could; I've humiliated myself more than one does on a daily basis. So why, why am I still so fucking afraid of slipping up in front of others, of making some dumb mistake I've already fucking made countless times before, of trying to make this miserable, fucking pathetic, laughable life of mine... a little more pleasant while I'm still here...",12.450708333333333,8.740522987500004,11.330000000000002,61.32833333333336,56.625,12.666666666666668,44.16666666666667,9.725611199111238,4.572791666666667,349,14,55,4,3,112,57,80,0.281,0.6679999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,5,2,2,0,2,4,0,3,1,7,9,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,0,2,1,0,5,1,11,7,4,11,0,2,0,3,0,4,4,1,6,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102439029981074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371077057558106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272058646186854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267966273054498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734454438960486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297629458312466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303604504243785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471308002989447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115649851432271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506969540611946,0.0,0.19166027298803487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094416039546726,0.2552917898325637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958075758191034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30542918567436483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150634002375837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596619493558474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451062957779876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,el_oaks_la,2019/03/14,"First therapy appointment, what do I say? I have my first therapy appointment today to start the process of being diagnosed.
What do I say when I get there without telling the therapist “so I think I have BPD”?

I’m super nervous and worried I won’t communicate properly and I’ll leave with the typical anxiety/depression diagnosis when I know that’s not right. 

Help please, ❤️. ",2.6812050078247225,5.6243957746478905,4.6049765258215976,76.09820031298906,84.2112676056338,9.916118935837249,31.83255086071988,9.725611199111238,4.3789517996870115,304,17,53,12,9,103,51,71,0.155,0.785,0.06,-0.4905,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,11,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,9,1,4,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572185451846275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759016385790141,0.20728754696239832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474331788350812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670092004589364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689000473585916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223859840077738,0.0,0.0,0.21624840814523472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418147612377087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440995448933402,0.0,0.32482127285608603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455392658067442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850464049928136,0.0,0.4671059930882894,0.2371249361086927,0.0,0.13086132492458466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358466201851385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968689086269552,0.0,0.0,0.2074038736300819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scorchwinters,2019/03/14,"Did anyone else feel comforted by their diagnosis? First time poster here, so I'm not sure how this subreddit fully works. But I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I've learned about BPD before and, since I'm a psychology student, I am always wary to relate to any disorder that I learn about. Well I finally went to therapy for the first time, after being diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and high-functioning OCD. My therapist is super understanding and works with how self-aware I am about mental health and my own symptoms. She diagnosed me as high-functioning BPD. 

​

Well I've always known the symptoms and thought ""that's not me"" but while reading the DSM and breaking down the symptoms, I really relate and honestly it's so comforting to know that I finally fit into something that can be treated. PDD, GAD, and OCD just never.... fit 100% (the obsession and dichotomous thinking in relationships is what really made a light turn on in my brain). So now accepting my diagnosis and actively working on it makes me feel so much better. And I'm really lucky to have a boyfriend who is super understanding and he's really helped with a lot of my negative thoughts. 

​

Like I said I don't know if this is the right flair but I'm just really thankful I've found communities that support one another and with people I can relate to. ",6.078487622217603,8.006606276679843,6.860074890784272,69.5961535261078,67.26086956521739,11.492323694612026,33.869149157478674,11.313756151347434,4.634720158102767,1120,52,183,39,19,370,142,253,0.067,0.732,0.201,0.991,0,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,9,15,17,0,1,10,0,14,8,1,4,2,50,35,25,0,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,11,19,0,0,14,1,0,1,5,2,2,3,8,4,20,15,25,25,3,22,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,3,12,120,31,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424117644851265,0.18544258632784769,0.20796781447062965,0.058194446897530665,0.08973363903200184,0.06546521719625364,0.0,0.0,0.059836556582476136,0.08768247233528148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281866327631094,0.0,0.0,0.07568479973077992,0.0,0.0,0.3233389974354089,0.09553084250673444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370627109404762,0.2605727653406881,0.0,0.0,0.2942316823392862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148756120828192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653934446644465,0.0,0.0,0.18748811009861852,0.0,0.14558138442117033,0.0,0.0938293966949828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096302426770722,0.0,0.0,0.057359623711489637,0.18083096401499216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406039224845067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180799056175654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275344540767444,0.0,0.08097384709672227,0.057122479967771374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624023189582658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290802529479206,0.0,0.06600129667695152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057988345289411714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932745248456939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559891151409521,0.0,0.27411009492206234,0.0,0.08449573264528329,0.09187633342713,0.0,0.07308122591090538,0.08140213822873292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927417427870384,0.0,0.0,0.07078914761051858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588039589723572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097110350953079,0.08065413492617303,0.2668379227714551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878665635758843,0.0978633321279569,0.09936004556395976,0.0,0.0548334874452296,0.0,0.13587517874892466,0.09979982009549417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308184611162383,0.0,0.17817475476878605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388575926242273,0.07932958084115525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186900503250605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796781447062965,0.0
bpd,tomatocrisps,2019/03/14,Had an argument with my FP so I'm disabling my Telegram. Can't be abandoned when you abandon them first! Somebody help,1.1041304347826078,3.5955688695652204,2.043804347826089,90.65092391304348,99.43478260869566,4.039130434782609,31.83695652173913,5.985473137389443,1.8942260869565224,96,6,17,1,4,30,22,23,0.3,0.529,0.171,-0.5981,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7854424604565649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6189346825893162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soft-cakes,2019/03/14,"Feeling like I won’t graduate high school, this feeling is horrible and gut wrenching. My biggest fear in life is not graduating high school. To give background I’m 18 years old. I have bpd (on this subreddit for a reason), major depressive disorder, and general anxiety disorder. All are separate from each other. It becomes really overwhelming to feel depressed, anxious, and a variety of other emotions in the span of 1 minute each or a little longer. 

I know I’m a good student and I have the capacity to do well in school and get good grades. My teachers know I’m a hard worker and have athletics outside of school (fencing) and I can’t always complete my homework like I want to. I have a 504 plan with some things that are accustom to what I need. But I need to go back and add several things in that will help accommodate me.

I’m failing two classes. I’ve brought up most of my grades from failing classes to A’s, B’s, and C’s. I’m struggling really hard in English. My teacher is very nice and funny but at times it’s frustrating. We read and have to retain certain information. It shouldn’t be hard because everyone else in my class can do it. I read the books but at times I detach from my surroundings and can’t remember a lick of what I read. I’m too scared to voice out what’s happening, and I’m too scared to even reach out for help.",3.413035956580732,5.180094720149256,4.835535956580736,82.09135006784261,73.81343283582089,8.604070556309363,30.092265943012208,9.218907990703514,2.7397104477611944,1067,48,209,25,22,356,143,268,0.139,0.762,0.099,-0.8912,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,4,5,17,1,5,11,0,19,2,1,1,2,44,39,17,0,4,5,0,6,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,15,20,0,2,8,4,0,2,5,10,1,1,1,8,21,7,33,34,6,25,0,5,0,0,5,18,0,3,7,128,36,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737860945287543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033408850483749,0.118633958871512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074794294079644,0.0,0.06401449664559428,0.11597778649668668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322592604617934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010335260582586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089380464988705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24070628671010866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772426511447906,0.1181246538779504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935960477673044,0.0,0.0,0.10034371092930476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816798328625545,0.15929205588695028,0.0750207767585119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054864569604549066,0.10073732489605744,0.0596808851645247,0.17615859633067962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286199128349508,0.0,0.2822110649378465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077500343515795,0.22190242833910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542397931766407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417326208282195,0.10260736793797004,0.1052498683473202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557305146232134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019269784087683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151220218002086,0.0,0.1345470805330102,0.10797008906359386,0.0,0.0,0.11895841527431048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027117583568752,0.4251120381432439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118633958871512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978161070766007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953095360048628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246698206596787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258171535702372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664610907669998,0.06193894943657002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441862972180773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762444998277538
bpd,Hey_llia,2019/03/14,"Ive got a job interview. I'm a qualified teacher, recently diagnosed with BPD. I know for some people finding out is terrible but for me it was like I'd landed on a soft fluffy bed and could finally sleep. Everything made sense now which meant I could make strides towards fixing it. 

Anyway, I'm a qualified teacher currently working as a special education needs teaching assistant. This has been an exceptionally tough job for me, the struggle with emotional regulation and the fact this is my first 100% normal people job since my suicide attempt. It's been a tough but rewarding road as I personally develop my skills and my management of the world around me. 

So now it's time for me to move on to the next step, the next job. I've applied to be a young carers support worker. This particular role is dear to my heart as I was a young carers and the woman who was my support worker was a role model to me. I'd be in that role. I'm excited for this. I want to work with young people and show them the way through the dark. 

You might ask why I keep putting myself in an industry associated with high burn out and a lot of strong emotions. I thrive in it, I really really thrive on knowing I can do it and I CAN do it. (Which of course is indicative of the euphoric highs).

Well the interview is on Wednesday. At one o clock. During my work day. I'd have to ask for time off. I can feel myself falling off the deep end
 The interview itself is a written task and a panel interview and then a presentation, I've never known an interview process like it, which is adding to my overwhelming panic. I'm ready to let this who job go because I'm too scared to ask my boss for time off because I'm imagining a thousand things that can go wrong. I can imagine the disappointment as he considers me disloyal and then if I don't get the job I'm still here, the disloyal t.a. 

It's a difficult time at the school, exams and staff shortages. To add insult to injury I messed up at work today and accidentally left early because I didn't read a notice properly about NOT LEAVING EARLY TODAY PLEASE. Which means I left a student unattended. This is furthering my spiral. 

It's infuriating me that I can see it all, I can see my emotions and I can see my irrationality, I can even type it out and tell you all that I'm freaking out. Isn't stopping it though.

What do I do? Please anyone. I don't want to make an impulsive decision here and mess up one or the other. 

Sorry for the long post. It feels like an emergency for some reason.",3.353684287241279,5.079564842629488,5.004643863570113,80.98951073753766,73.88047808764941,8.562899621028084,27.78175104460208,9.18016646516576,2.4005669419881452,1989,78,393,46,41,673,234,502,0.138,0.747,0.114,-0.9295,7,0,0,0,0,1,49.0,0,2,1,11,13,25,1,4,40,0,40,3,2,5,4,63,74,27,1,7,6,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,34,25,0,2,12,2,0,6,6,14,1,4,11,6,47,11,58,57,5,68,0,2,3,0,21,30,0,6,33,261,81,28,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369156871054977,0.0,0.0,0.06835710818658597,0.215357693693196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042674589818435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671110209288453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261705720358344,0.0,0.0,0.04952155119026376,0.0,0.0,0.07793764288058883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25912662949247073,0.06801088679027655,0.0,0.0,0.05071738489436236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901160655739445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765208135233524,0.05485696785879005,0.0,0.08411689542909964,0.0701823359211557,0.06531536364272825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040118272049770726,0.0,0.08728015199823991,0.0,0.06141393645712985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099349504102534,0.0,0.1622603084792037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571981590601626,0.06825221153538191,0.0,0.0,0.08440074599526637,0.0,0.0,0.0813068197028565,0.16685957283829095,0.07852036760888187,0.0,0.11254340453912244,0.0,0.0,0.06795447470461381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528194194549249,0.0,0.0726581394963571,0.1025124349820894,0.0,0.0,0.08364404137254604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145934721036131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161290454379425,0.0,0.05693691937379981,0.05922321333165991,0.0,0.16332864316699855,0.0,0.07523539506125654,0.0,0.08742301795747817,0.0,0.0,0.10406632344312927,0.0,0.0,0.09009352489745544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970424302941988,0.06704783735388498,0.0,0.1685791171019756,0.0,0.0,0.07354114872341054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719259360367453,0.0,0.0,0.07680822730453192,0.0,0.0983840102862697,0.07895028499288699,0.0758183407298725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687763065676037,0.07771299638723987,0.1835689619328674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635193700969837,0.0,0.0768429025069739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595726082969572,0.0,0.0,0.06132255478840719,0.0641977444499613,0.0,0.08027491250139608,0.0,0.08399300449153299,0.17427497097083386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067115613685585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101416812576355,0.0,0.07544327732774753,0.0,0.17910151265378813,0.0,0.1455710434770621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058245209554246,0.060950301688389025,0.0,0.0,0.06904113713182174,0.0,0.06928872787302241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360870534574526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395501957936123,0.0,0.0
bpd,mindlikegumball,2019/03/14,"I feel like it's a whole other person I hear my thoughts... I see myself doing these impulsive things... But it's not me. I ""wake up"" after I've already done the thing, and it's irreversible. I'm blocked out when doing them... Wtf is this",0.05149659863945644,2.295713367346938,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,88.79591836734693,4.899319727891157,18.37074829931973,6.42735559955562,-0.06565578231292557,181,5,40,2,6,60,39,49,0.17,0.774,0.055,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,7,9,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,3,7,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,30,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35653926345238274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306345560045201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336465979893905,0.2308164761531679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641473559561255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578460802334111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821108449076392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574619206898689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292949822157273,0.0,0.0,0.2564983879678566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607198776850514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prhk,2019/03/14,"Multiple diagnosis? Hey does anyone else have multiple diagnosis? 

I got told today I have EUPD, OCD, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression, looking for anyone to help me through this 

Thanks ",6.335000000000001,9.659747833333334,7.97666666666667,55.685,70.66666666666666,12.0,36.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,6.163666666666668,145,8,18,6,3,50,25,30,0.151,0.67,0.18,0.2582,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351443746444567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237079676646265,0.0,0.0,0.40894737811642656,0.2996288491204788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25186932567804865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25590725554727617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24428754254741145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338827947954635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600950544527312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455673499271993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692300358526277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277189221647382,0.2794291695806046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daisies_please,2019/03/14,"Being nice to assholes DAE feel like they used to be an extremely loving and giving person (say 98%) and then after countless encounters with absolute assholes,  the niceness level decreased to say 40-50% and you just decided, ""nope, you don't get the nice version of me anymore, goodbye"".

(Like yeah you're cautious now but as a BPD you still give too much and love too much and feel too much so I guess that part never goes away completely. May or may not be a good thing)

Anyone? Or is that just me? ",1.9647610121836927,4.5451925051546365,2.9336269915651343,89.73609184629805,82.71134020618555,5.589128397375821,23.25117150890347,6.980632752743323,0.9404309278350516,391,14,75,5,11,124,71,97,0.085,0.7340000000000001,0.182,0.8566,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,0,8,8,0,0,5,1,7,2,0,1,1,20,16,11,0,0,6,0,2,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,8,8,11,5,7,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,5,7,54,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860756227272451,0.13119320015031086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628179548252254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363097089233665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672339853499804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973975422221975,0.13404080634588192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802739277528366,0.3599779378893881,0.0,0.15737267272591873,0.0,0.0,0.20669235552216195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833302043739984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33868148710459195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137824245710771,0.0,0.14470955248208953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031818176003924,0.0,0.0,0.16382870824717335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984171315705214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983920934504452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465107893392333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204953446626674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HungryCup,2019/03/14,"Four months later, and I’m dreaming about my ex-boyfriend I know it’s stupid of me to be pining after the person that I broke up with. I was going through a very rough episode, he was visiting family and had been gone, and I broke up with him over the phone. We hadn’t seen each other in nearly a week, even though we had basically been living together for 11 months. He started dating a new girl two weeks after the breakup. It’s been almost four months, and they’re still together. We haven’t spoken the entire time. He seems not his normal self, from what I can tell. He hasn’t posted any photos of her on his Instagram, even though he used to post photos of me all the time (I feel it’s significant). My best friend and another close friend think that he misses me, and that we have a chance of getting back together. I had a dream that we got back together this morning, not like a normal dream but a super realistic snapshot of a scene that I sometimes get that can take hours or years to actually happen, but it happens. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about him? I’ve been talking to other boys and been getting asked on dates, but I haven’t gone in any yet because the more I try to get close to someone else, the more I miss my ex. It really feels like we shouldn’t have broken up... There’s no one else that I think I would be as compatible with, and I know it was my fault for not keeping myself in check in the fall. I just don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I want to try talking to him, but I’ve heard from his friends that he feels bitter about me (at least like two months ago anyway). 
It’s starting to warm up outside, soon plants will start growing and the sunsets will be so pretty, and I’ll want to share the experiences with someone who doesn’t want anything to do with me.
I’m really going off what my best friend has said, that he probably misses me, and that we have a chance together.... It all feels like it shouldn’t have happened. We had plans for where we were going to move, and had been arranging an apartment together, and really had intended on spending our lives with each other. Now he doesn’t post photos of his new girlfriend, he isn’t excited about introducing her to his friends and people that he knows the way he was about me... He’s living with her and her parents, in their house. He doesn’t have a car at this point and relies on her for rides. He’s lost two jobs in the four months since I broke up with him.
I don’t know what I’m looking for with responses, other than opinions and thoughts and maybe relatable feelings and experiences...",5.029982142857143,5.187203285714286,5.440437499999998,85.27865625000003,68.52380952380952,8.619642857142857,27.45386904761905,8.376592526197632,1.5929440476190468,2035,58,434,27,32,651,222,525,0.094,0.799,0.10800000000000001,0.8169,2,1,0,0,0,0,62.0,10,0,1,5,20,26,3,0,23,0,46,0,0,2,2,82,96,29,0,8,10,2,7,4,6,5,0,2,0,4,33,41,0,2,15,3,2,11,17,11,0,7,26,12,58,15,68,62,9,69,0,7,2,0,64,25,0,5,33,288,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.072757135122279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609051643768563,0.0,0.0746583306067958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140299305414842,0.07817979257975942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135427598019376,0.0,0.06970097780221915,0.0,0.0,0.11465986848676342,0.0,0.04544941641430873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648649851783852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456605499534384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984887400515538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458626221666778,0.07028595352947653,0.0,0.18849196559280731,0.10652744929010287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880137879675941,0.0,0.15581237382239685,0.0,0.12711783473831498,0.0,0.0596302553440729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779222826378096,0.0,0.0,0.07360986304041015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342388710009486,0.08602907296529429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398658062633834,0.06626992237329554,0.0,0.0,0.20487361359913628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569965357713852,0.0,0.19750629147695248,0.0,0.06260932444018419,0.0,0.081388061522667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490279335225374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29755448596910755,0.07924257290875722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440157412699165,0.0,0.0,0.14610057837756754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505219319719429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278701895277775,0.0,0.0,0.05168861955854746,0.06510052754020902,0.0,0.0,0.07048071397555178,0.0,0.21421574953436973,0.07585154180126713,0.08038534131084052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432898783301261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092103196663675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787413341176776,0.07777948719263769,0.0,0.0,0.06167453963518204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263442565006843,0.0,0.07373904099959604,0.0,0.1583160466390244,0.0,0.05954152772695453,0.0623332115624434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605778412637647,0.1797789150412379,0.06516633540400517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433198537740365,0.14650426761644306,0.05919013987352211,0.08694988098922951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123897703534944,0.0,0.21849484142165804,0.0,0.0,0.06439353819162684,0.0,0.061517551468204534,0.13192741891541046,0.059180086192878616,0.119610680689376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296334153744547,0.0,0.0,0.04801243387215294
bpd,meworawr,2019/03/14,"Does anyone else struggle with hypersexuality? Ever since I got sexually active, my libido has been rising and rising. I have a boyfriend at the time, which luckily is just as horny as me, but since I only see him once a week (IF im lucky) and even then we sometimes can't get intimate, it's absolutely driving me nuts. My mind is constantly occupied with these thoughts and I'm feeling very frustrated. I'm not sure if my medication has any influence on it, since I started taking them only a few weeks prior.

I must confess that I have been searching for an outlet for my sexual desires outside of my relationship. I can't handle it anymore. I'm having trouble emotionally connecting to romantic partners because all I think about is lust, so I don't feel guilty about it. I know it's a huge dick move. Can anyone relate? How do you handle it?",3.450143149284255,5.753370987730065,5.370699386503071,75.91208179959105,75.31901840490798,8.02764826175869,28.65807770961145,8.841846274778883,2.64282691206544,673,29,119,15,15,231,112,163,0.128,0.777,0.095,-0.8113,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,0,7,5,1,1,6,0,16,3,1,2,4,26,29,11,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,4,3,21,2,12,24,2,15,1,0,1,2,7,3,1,3,8,79,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124101178187234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639338380082719,0.2311641310775397,0.1693700614287336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076574862433328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786312903060551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465572230220347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380874912712188,0.1859409946609512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917952754215927,0.1495239114328423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716196176857054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863627727913208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322060390309864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785530795166108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084492024936087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652302535340974,0.0,0.0,0.1669065455957282,0.0,0.0,0.175688442493518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603980903719962,0.0,0.251437202707387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747104776992448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317232251950679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102152446193135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348658036509822,0.0,0.11700065858860885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280814140251205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579391665294834,0.0,0.12428552508184072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591798896178352,0.0,0.13123026049805814,0.0963881446882342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639035693488047,0.0,0.0,0.2651884387966871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mansonfamily,2019/03/14,"I love when someone who thinks I’m harmless attempts to hurt me in some way and then the BPD dragon burns them alive. You thought you could fuck with me, I can’t even fuck with me. ",2.503859649122809,3.835432894736844,2.3921052631578945,100.47307017543864,75.3157894736842,5.066666666666666,23.19298245614036,3.1291,-0.31765964912280703,142,4,34,0,3,42,31,38,0.22,0.593,0.18600000000000005,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,1,1,2,5,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,4,6,1,4,0,1,0,3,5,1,2,1,2,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39001822385127394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472461063388617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453395677243552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5725694087364036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315078842121473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27948904988638784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623821838316712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984238791230098,0.0,0.2458432000228312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458014425776437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,delroydys,2019/03/14,"BPD remission for 1.5 years. (Bittersweet Memories) I'm 23 years old and was diagnosed with BPD at 18, after spending my teen years getting constant misdiagnoses's and being put on every drug available (Seroquel was the worst). I went through it all, extreme substance abuse, self harm, walking through the streets punching myself and screaming at myself, multiple times in psych wards. Eventually it got to the point where I had to move out of the city and move back to my hometown where I currently still live.  


In my home town NOTHING happens, nothing good, nothing bad, I was also put on a Disability Support Pension, since living out here my BPD has seemed to gone into remission, its been about a year and a half now, but its been replaced by nothingness, I'm no longer flying off the handle at nothing and screaming/self harming/destroying relationships, but I'm also not really doing anything, as I said, nothing good nor bad happens out here.  


 I guess I'm not sure if I'm actually in remission or if there are just no triggers at all out here, I'm moving back to the city in the next few months as I have allot of ambition and love being around people (it can become quite narcissistic though where I just love being around people for the attention).   


 I think the strangest part of this remission is that I almost miss it, I created some of my best art whilst I was at my worst, I have memories, although allot are bad memories, sometimes I think bad memories are worse than no memories, at least it was something, another part of it is that my whole personality was tied up in the person who flew off the handle, made very impulsive decisions (like getting my face tattoo'd) and now I feel as though I am nothing. My impulsive rash behaviour has been replaced by a nihilistic depression, where I want to die but only in the sense of hamlets ''To Be or Not to Be'', almost so nihilistic I don't even see the point in suicide or cutting or loosing my shit anymore.   


I don't even know how to say what I'm trying to say properly and I'm sorry if it comes across as selfish (for lack of a better word) to the people in the midst of a crisis, but its something I have been feeling for a while and don't know where to talk about it, I'm not even sure what this post is, is it venting or is it victories?.",10.9710144735095,7.246836546275396,10.395063072633118,66.94872526888862,59.38374717832957,13.674093745850485,44.11751427433276,11.442366930564873,4.916527393440445,1822,80,336,36,17,594,213,443,0.165,0.7609999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9924,1,0,3,0,1,2,51.0,0,0,0,3,29,23,2,0,22,0,35,7,3,3,4,62,69,35,2,5,18,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,1,3,20,19,0,0,9,1,1,10,12,13,0,1,17,7,32,10,64,47,14,65,0,2,1,2,11,36,1,15,19,246,52,2,0.0,0.08682782320407867,0.0715131850680722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676375051282722,0.0,0.0,0.11720803687136645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684312976237356,0.0,0.0,0.07267658518946554,0.0,0.0,0.060305283949335035,0.13047398962275847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269949512434688,0.24475142983055706,0.0,0.08093480470084012,0.0,0.0,0.07690550150409946,0.0648124488150699,0.0,0.0,0.2768903702691016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312641682488994,0.0,0.07919238849746868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631181418148069,0.07438023256241025,0.07605570368029993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849844773602279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520727381426204,0.0,0.0617436981493514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410770529449015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765742020100838,0.0,0.0,0.12293183049156575,0.05861073939910118,0.0,0.0807289765523823,0.0,0.1296070110611312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350835979545273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054833176296079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03580214597889441,0.0,0.12941964569992073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322807017323917,0.06934170849343316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849342195011195,0.2336632182741992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793680956888395,0.0,0.0,0.4218994246805025,0.0,0.07689769522773952,0.0,0.0,0.05573467169554789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587156926776014,0.0,0.15241465226157724,0.12797496949784434,0.0,0.0,0.13855136912118748,0.0,0.07018441336922235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733838109869082,0.0,0.07794499872241811,0.0,0.0,0.04694666976731138,0.0,0.0,0.07867801961217921,0.0,0.0,0.06970847430598902,0.11655442968137605,0.0,0.0,0.0583966941397264,0.06671366946833585,0.15289933702745884,0.0,0.0752234712258926,0.06062007196278915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283295462747026,0.07247830301294436,0.08203380054406158,0.0,0.0,0.05852352878404642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015920134084241,0.08316015465388413,0.13813584789074693,0.0,0.0,0.058901727420840766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391298149793226,0.14399944123293146,0.0,0.042731636700505435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975403229293943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046576786849391,0.043223939061530735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793364606998269,0.0,0.08181733559219255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468116599835796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887662048978325
bpd,Jakus_Snakus,2019/03/14,"How does one overcome a nervous breakdown? I had a nervous breakdown in 2018, right at the beginning of the year.

Thing have improved dramatically. But I feel like I was irreparably damaged during that period. I've had no interest frim the opposite sex, and overall just feeling pretty dejected and isolated ever since the great ""shittening"" that was the first six months of 2018.

IDK what to do. Is anybody else able to help me? ",3.828686868686869,6.933006038961043,4.603809523809524,77.29396825396825,79.51948051948051,8.097546897546897,31.93217893217893,8.841846274778883,3.5134109668109685,343,18,55,9,9,110,60,77,0.179,0.604,0.217,0.6733,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,7,0,7,1,0,1,1,8,10,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,4,2,4,3,6,6,0,9,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,38,8,0,0.2905843103480413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542922881986824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24274590433149376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628501449755328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938563167871512,0.20759348937413127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471708659369801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203702280114483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477253797191574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419648160555854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319416241837752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690744907289395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956287105692628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24815741331153005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24037434433530755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305130381990132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712676868328945
bpd,findinLA,2019/03/14,"Make it stop please make it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. Please, I’m sorry please make it stop ",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454553,1.0363636363636388,107.22454545454548,78.0909090909091,4.4,11.0,3.1291,-2.157163636363636,84,0,21,0,2,23,7,22,0.626,0.188,0.185,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,13,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159316329972396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550941312770732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070660307157695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9015051878822701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DefiantLobster,2019/03/14,"I made a mistake and I'm trying to keep myself from going into self-destruct/bridge-burning mode. I made a throwaway because my friends/family know my username. I hope that's okay.    



A few weeks ago, I auditioned for a play at a local community theatre. I've been in a couple of productions with them before. I got cast as the lead female role, and was feeling really happy about it. Last night, I went to bed pretty early (I'm on new meds and they're making me sleepier at night, which isn't the worst thing, but it's taking some getting used to.)    


When I got up this morning, I had a missed call from last night, as well as a voicemail. I listened to it, and it was the director of the play. Telling me he was at the theatre with the rest of the cast. Wondering if I'd forgotten about the rehearsal. Wondering if I was coming. To. The. Rehearsal.   


That horrible grinding panic I get when something blindsides me kicked in, and I desperately checked my calendar and the rehearsal schedule that the director e-mailed me earlier this month. And, of course, right there on top of the list of dates, our first read-through, for the entire cast: March 13th. And of course, I somehow managed to put every single other date in except that one.    


My brain started playing delightful footage it conjured up of all the cast waiting at the theatre for me last night. Thinking about how horrible and irresponsible and inconsiderate and disrespectful and crappy I am. And the director, a new director for me, someone I met for the first time at the auditions, thinking what a horrible, horrible, *horrible* first impression I've made, and that he regrets choosing me for the part.       



I quickly wrote an e-mail to the director explaining that I'd somehow managed to make a mistake when I was entering in dates for rehearsals. That it *absolutely* will not happen again.    




And now I'm sitting here. Freaking out. And convincing myself that I should just call and be like ""Hey, you know what, it turns out I am, in fact, *not* a responsible adult who can handle things like appointments and dates and schedules. I would like to profusely, grovelingly apologize for presenting myself as such, and would also like to retract myself from participation in this play. I am sure that you could find someone who would be more reliable, and acceptable, and, let's be honest, talented for this part. Maybe like one of the other cast members using a sock puppet and miming a woman's voice. Or an upside down mop wearing a dress. If you desire any further correspondence with me, please be advised that I will be locking myself in my bathroom in order to cry for the next 4-6 business days, and I may not reply right away.""     



Okay. Maybe not that phone call *exactly*, but my brain is absolutely spiraling into the ""you cannot do anything right, everyone hates you, quit on them before they quit on you"" mentality. I'm panicking at the thought of going back after making a mistake like this.    



Any advice on handling mistakes like this without going into self-destruct mode? I feel truly, genuinely horrible, and I'm trying to hold myself together and not do anything impulsive (like quit the play and burn my bridges at the theatre) based on my emotions.",5.022757746679993,6.9737239110738285,5.649827216907044,77.14212408967589,69.95637583892618,8.562273311437954,32.14393831215193,9.138037386147262,3.0657080965300585,2545,116,436,52,47,823,278,596,0.122,0.732,0.147,0.7535,0,0,1,0,0,0,99.0,1,6,3,8,19,34,1,1,44,2,30,3,3,10,4,97,74,42,0,15,14,0,2,8,0,7,0,2,2,2,33,36,0,3,13,5,3,8,8,10,1,5,16,4,56,24,78,44,9,82,0,2,0,0,29,36,0,11,44,309,89,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327999877147552,0.06647468972364103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599699985764383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019924319501821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342183656099885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045618758199228,0.05766318370804058,0.0,0.04571360638572624,0.0,0.12762304575193945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742874059217347,0.22972152529590395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064597807934946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059873934840497835,0.08297573184385687,0.08237371167041217,0.048362767738640164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435439181413007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318285996350842,0.07165678315180556,0.0,0.0,0.07069451420019524,0.0,0.0758350553365406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854009880404148,0.1913610348844929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835904274339864,0.0,0.12785674977343955,0.0,0.11995375239278555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631398730244636,0.07982894518396197,0.0,0.0740377450496183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448263962771931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666551385164038,0.0,0.0,0.08242580406769548,0.18338217461649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668302406019145,0.0,0.2930931633289392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287390885333776,0.15017053073458564,0.0,0.15067638190479934,0.0,0.0832977106972953,0.0,0.07557294082106178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985682423687407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485288105237126,0.07975341083525858,0.2814945935234228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163121528155546,0.0,0.0,0.08798537433996373,0.0,0.16241514008770905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231721836280835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629245431987412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538631940777595,0.0,0.2392853726005455,0.07501094711823326,0.0,0.04804093293029078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212482525210275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646321308048652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707867485293342,0.057731468839555086,0.0,0.0,0.05307877058037185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067780352344546,0.0,0.05638363879194735,0.0,0.06554513657783825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964091613234063,0.09610196565140053,0.0,0.05953420240710529,0.0437276531627368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182746253328173,0.08156829698934688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953569444511126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060152978937277335,0.0,0.06742560358598726,0.06951708717005882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228831400568371,0.16264832984591948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981362615384362,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheWarmestPlaces,2019/03/14,"My bf cheated on me 2 months ago. I cannot leave him I've been with him for a year now. I have bpd, he has anxiety and depression, he cheated on me with a fellow bpd sufferer who will probably read this post and recognise me. But fuck it. Idc how satisfied they are at what they've caused.

A part of me wants to leave. I despise cheaters. But the bpd in me cannot walk away.

I feel like my only way out of this hell is to just end it. But i can't do that. So I'm stuck in perpetual hell whilst she probably laughs about it and he just doesn't care.

All he does is push and push. Oh you're distant, you're not reciprocating, oh fuck you. No wonder i don't wanna be intimate after you let her suck you off.

I'm the bad guy for needing him with me but not wanting to fool around.

I'm so angry at everyone. I'm sure that's exactly what she wanted. To punish me.",-0.6656916996047428,1.406863235294118,1.904933736340389,95.88635201116024,90.44385026737969,5.605115089514066,18.29086259009533,7.079830092131019,0.12510388281794915,663,19,161,11,23,227,110,187,0.226,0.703,0.071,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,1,0,10,17,9,0,5,0,15,2,0,2,3,29,30,11,0,5,8,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,2,1,0,3,8,13,0,0,2,1,25,4,24,25,2,22,2,2,0,2,18,10,5,1,8,98,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536216558889282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818752533098147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589565911567455,0.0,0.0,0.13287072555187285,0.0,0.11808155275665393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343485819449678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441892641292802,0.14527946116039925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180665416773102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375943950913958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252580111512617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351348844558699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150726693171193,0.10103198202619393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614849195183888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400301210136863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994911847104476,0.0,0.1446136868040462,0.0,0.06909169833467403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288177715163696,0.0,0.0,0.10486270093542632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755788565973004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314636119751251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544328653262802,0.0,0.30495390296520863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414603785697908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332886628820822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502432697947317,0.1122542864659206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336624317969208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107120067796184
bpd,depresseoespresso,2019/03/14,"Vivid dreams Lately I've been experiencing some quite intense dreams in which my abuser is coming back into my life and the only one upset about it is me.

My abuser is my little brothers dad and he is asking about him lately so I bet that's got something to do with it and the fact that he moved to the same part of town where I live with my family is scary.

All of these things probably have to do with a fear that is building inside of me that he is going to come back into my life and there's nothing I can do about it. Last night I dreamt that we moved into his house and I was the only one upset by the situation. I was yelling curse words left right and center and now I've woken up again filled with pure anxiety and agitation and i havnt even left my bed yet. 

This is a bad enough situation, feels a little ptsd as events that happen in my dreams circle around not being in control ect but I don't really know what to do about it. 

I'm on the waiting list for therapy so it could be months until I see a professional to even begin to talk about this. 
I don't like talking about him to my family and I don't want my little brother to feel like he can't talk about his father, as my mom refused to talk about me and my sister's fathers when we were young. 
How do you even begin to deal with this? 
",3.3794239234449748,4.092173476363641,4.729645933014353,86.93257416267944,72.41818181818181,7.389473684210527,21.74641148325359,7.475848149327749,0.5868181818181815,1026,20,225,11,19,342,143,275,0.109,0.865,0.026000000000000002,-0.9543,0,0,1,0,3,0,11.0,2,1,0,2,23,6,0,3,10,0,26,2,0,2,3,42,42,19,0,2,2,7,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,18,24,0,3,3,3,1,6,5,4,0,2,6,6,33,2,41,33,5,40,0,0,2,0,25,18,0,2,18,162,51,1,0.0,0.247061353216794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797583727195915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281322289984126,0.09746873031055016,0.0,0.0,0.16033852251960345,0.08705248102552075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962097158451032,0.0,0.0,0.11693610073894548,0.08324287380980827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748715594874332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772812371388234,0.0,0.2065876135184967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965735019851126,0.11732113016879606,0.10543365754324273,0.07448313892375028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059253180956931675,0.0,0.08338599342139556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219649404283037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030167690780864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729839557862359,0.08498555763446898,0.23521892906965994,0.0,0.2265569029710891,0.0,0.1472833959564604,0.1018720302686956,0.3134867794446192,0.09206321090276533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210768155519933,0.08321908489695233,0.22162308798232844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784065048186973,0.0,0.10003997848512174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129811998087874,0.15858837527034744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290307750058574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240957301029984,0.0,0.12187399103047647,0.0,0.0,0.1108930072770574,0.0,0.0,0.06679142315057522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903720028198768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308146942505812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343845057540949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026419824032406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33519993813955423,0.0,0.0,0.11923003472276633,0.0,0.06926550117337467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614950627680851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spud_simon_salem,2019/03/14,"Daily DAE - March 14, 2019 **DAE = ""Does Anyone Else?""**

Welcome to our new stickied ""Daily DAE"" megathread. Please utilize this new feature and try your best to contain your DAE posts to the single thread.

* If your DAE has a lot of body to it (like, a paragraph's worth), feel free to create your own separate text post. 

* But if you DAE is just a title with no text body **and/or** just 1-3 sentences, please post it in the ""Daily DAE"" thread. 

* If your DAE post seems like it would be better suited as a tweet or Facebook post/status update, please post it in the daily DAE thread.

Please let us know if you have any other ideas for once-weekly or daily stickied discussion posts. 

Have a great day!",0.6545522388059695,3.1709496044776135,1.3767313432835842,97.1255447761194,94.0,3.2770149253731344,15.655223880597012,4.935628992294339,-0.915580895522388,533,12,107,2,20,163,82,134,0.015,0.76,0.225,0.981,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,7,0,2,2,7,0,0,8,0,7,2,2,0,0,18,10,9,0,5,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,8,11,7,4,13,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,8,7,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236467190382755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440663183155767,0.10903296930429833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167416051097427,0.0941138887404252,0.0,0.236402305139424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068627755076517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312296870190244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889463149552887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380574610592536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732100461033967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012762789617293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058481949628197964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881477714776976,0.0,0.1039762960643658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046875582595816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554919637172728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672392556945766,0.0,0.0,0.7134014736880324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687464338407427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224762441804948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800206014056814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535830554486848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559293306541719,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrochetSprinkles937,2019/03/14,"Cutting and bleeding and work (trigger warning) So yesterday I had a really difficult therapy session. I have been trying to work on not ""editing"" my own thoughts and being more honest with myself, to hopefully get through a number of big lies I've tried to live out in order to ward off pain or abandonment. But in talking about them and trying to see them clearly, I became really really uncomfortable. 

After the session, I went home and cut myself pretty violently for the first time in about 9 months. In addition to feeling even shittier afterward (in terms of guilt, of course - as we know - I felt temporarily relived emotionally), the cuts were really deep and were still bleeding pretty heavily when I woke up this morning. 

I wrapped my thigh and ankle (where I generally cut) up in layers of paper towels, but the blood is starting to seep through. I wore dark pants and socks that I'm not attached to, but I'm still worried it's going to seep through them and be visible at work. 

I work at a University and we have an employee health center, which I know has gauze and bandages. I would like to go over there and try to get some to more thoroughly stop the bleeding and preserve my dignity, but I'm not sure what will happen. If I show up and ask for bandages and they want to see the cuts, they'll know they're self harm because of how they look and because of all the scars from past cutting in the same areas. I don't want to get in trouble or sent somewhere because I revealed this at work, but I also am worried about sitting in my office bleeding through my clothes.

What should I do?",9.831373089451267,7.231822801302933,9.45583061889251,69.33053119518921,60.400651465798035,12.57318967677274,41.856426960661494,10.891193690592663,4.480919017790027,1268,56,232,24,13,412,173,307,0.14300000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.071,-0.9678,2,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,2,0,6,6,12,17,7,1,12,0,17,8,2,2,3,54,44,29,0,6,11,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,1,1,7,21,0,2,7,1,0,4,4,13,0,1,10,5,32,4,52,28,7,43,0,1,3,0,12,24,0,5,14,162,39,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938290276333756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096880261081794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457045215636095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319808362249036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749558062722457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932574346888904,0.0,0.11265552280329592,0.0,0.0,0.09980112420847988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839007744228267,0.0,0.13336306811607454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375482899419644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471666098540372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176918939458258,0.11653549804454735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344505330561068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732167578362525,0.0,0.10360483663766676,0.0,0.09852793218048296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365195512234617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484775033948987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200508230355866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23873426628394184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30065927166590994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869941746109988,0.0,0.1224011296667236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304701600389973,0.0,0.18740031643077296,0.09809341493987303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058245351490084,0.0,0.0,0.09430568000877043,0.0,0.0,0.13417746512015802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314718118039053,0.06841626270374966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31863838661572497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840894467258144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876639733044703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270894115046516,0.23830930394015234,0.0,0.0833481046108191,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wishingyougodspeed,2019/03/14,"difference between BPD and CPTSD? What exactly is the difference?

I (male) was diagnosed with BPD as I fit maybe 7 or 8 of the 9 criteria for BPD. But my ex (female) was diagnosed with CPTSD and as far as I can tell we have pretty similar symptoms.

I guess the only difference is that she has had a traumatic past growing up (neglected by parents, blamed for some fucked up shit she didn't do, physically/emotionally abused by her sister, etc.)  while compared to that I don't have any traumatic experiences at least to that degree. For me it's more of countless minor incidents of abandonment and/or subtle abuse I think.

Her trauma explains the PTSD part in CPTSD, but don't a lot of people with BPD also have severe trauma and PTSD like symptoms? So what exactly is the difference?",6.666054421768706,7.267099414965987,7.316054421768707,71.70156462585034,65.05442176870747,11.431292517006804,34.0204081632653,11.20814326018867,4.09464081632653,622,26,109,18,9,206,94,147,0.17300000000000001,0.759,0.067,-0.9452,1,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,7,0,15,6,1,0,2,19,19,12,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,13,1,22,15,6,9,0,2,0,1,11,6,2,4,3,78,19,0,0.0,0.26511852104090794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947023040186389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608209606840363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636347332557591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711127060362235,0.0,0.4675622870252243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258497090240811,0.0,0.0,0.12477554378585765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943990604447393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034310662386553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324820592593386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465881581360032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511619953293032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123982901880393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508962441620964,0.0,0.0,0.12422927054665105,0.12115491370136168,0.10680192231166788,0.077563361799323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382197145164935,0.0,0.0,0.26156298291623264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639232128274192,0.11484300022181787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23257188680721086,0.0,0.0,0.0977878707778538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071688054135464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheBPDBeluga,2019/03/14,"Just been diagnosed ... now what? Hi, first time posting in this group and on reddit so sorry if I mess up. On Monday I met with a mental health specialist and after going over history, questions etc he was just like “yep, I am 99% certain you have bpd.”

He said he would refer me to the community mental health team (I’m in England, don’t know what equivalent would be) for diagnosis and referral to DBT therapy, but I don’t really know what to do now. There wasn’t enough time in the appointment for him to answer my questions and I am a bit lost. I had just about accepted my other labels (PTSD, depression, anxiety and possible eating disorder) but BPD seems so big and scary. I know nothing has really changed as I am still the same as I was before the appointment I just now have a name for my messy brain problem.

I would really appreciate some advice from people on how they dealt with the diagnosis and just general tips on looking after themselves. Spent most the last days in bed, binge eating or going on walks late at night. Not that helpful when I am trying to do a degree. Any advice would be massively appreciated",3.955138888888886,5.9335316435185215,5.424259259259259,77.5466666666667,72.8425925925926,9.05925925925926,26.35185185185185,9.586721724236666,2.60075185185185,889,31,162,23,18,299,131,216,0.12300000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.071,-0.9154,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,3,15,7,0,0,10,1,22,6,1,1,1,40,34,17,0,6,10,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,1,0,6,9,2,0,9,1,1,3,4,4,0,1,9,2,19,3,28,19,6,32,0,2,1,0,15,13,0,7,16,117,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277701841445242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925366879128384,0.0,0.0891555623882302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917005021607404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723546574970032,0.0,0.2935652589575981,0.13010124084025435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232877135351112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516100367251086,0.0,0.1003788627360611,0.11828933710635604,0.0,0.0,0.13356910348668513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385064691350773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042072985248853,0.1299769608288105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913195706978686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246886794141385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24776087004522365,0.0,0.0,0.07811674243811684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192148003058517,0.09499861804373633,0.1314662974587715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693733360237796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786730180200323,0.0,0.12722114559355605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348971470487632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936830730999443,0.0,0.11182676174330504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079668284710867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313854383543561,0.11161658745390132,0.0,0.0,0.11151651989276977,0.13623327357769974,0.0,0.2611110887059971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239825120794023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085968586387672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060969489537486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046105870306288,0.0,0.0,0.0930718980904094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327780440868164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591506250081098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912547857875807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33115702027035004,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lisarth,2019/03/14,"BPD and ADHD Hello,

​

I was wondering if any of you had these two diagnosis and if you had medication for ADHD ? I had concerta, but I stopped taking it because I had SO many side effects, it made me become violent/depressed and anxious, I kept having panic attack .. 

I want my doctor to prescribe me something else, but I'm scared that BPD and that medication are not doing well together.. 

​

I'd like to hear about your experiences :)",7.185421686746987,7.778114771084343,8.086409638554219,66.65346987951811,63.93975903614458,10.495421686746988,37.081927710843374,10.355215969177356,4.176423614457832,358,17,57,8,5,121,59,83,0.205,0.7040000000000001,0.091,-0.8961,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,8,3,0,2,0,15,15,9,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,7,1,12,2,5,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,42,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334245524604174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013423011201063,0.3379455658621165,0.09456537944046296,0.0,0.0,0.15709790394992956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820050895345564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476951575328043,0.15358053745062306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35028170338678555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197719346903183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233351781064982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616655387820785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602709146866224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567304131131795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793755593342637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158167116767444,0.0,0.14098473170142473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28017607994173105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315662153705487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922304076799194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705496774769364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626015417508358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455560465895897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584114211033527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202102687885973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250313903726803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080433648988495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379455658621165,0.0
bpd,R452991,2019/03/14,"Too many things combined.. It seems that I have OCD symptoms about perfectionism ( doubting myself and fearing failure which affects my work, learning curve in new jobs ).. also my paranoia can make me wonder if my fear of people is close to schizotypal levels sometimes. 

Really it seems I have too many things.. PTSD, OCD, BPD, schizotypal, NPD, dependent Personality Disorder, dissociation, ADD, ADHD..ect.

It's hard to know which is more likely or more prominent.. which way to tackle it all..without being misdiagnosed since they can overlap or look similar.",6.919596774193548,9.788824548387096,6.834072580645162,66.77110887096777,66.95698924731182,9.381182795698924,34.20564516129032,9.827888789773867,4.106119354838712,445,21,62,11,8,141,72,93,0.183,0.794,0.023,-0.9371,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,3,0,0,7,1,0,3,0,15,13,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,1,6,12,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,8,2,40,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102290878429216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988960920575366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031529989302107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004822859189984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936845644617156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670084949772195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358873894184115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613568278480984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546083260845752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468952015833962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676559033600617,0.35469844008196394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894625149036652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212728336794999,0.152740110226564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044811067239676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206315646201463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184951953712735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447019914889625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730079567070012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818168468527143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324283666755466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388494568302052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862404929872676,0.1897016161432225,0.12734944052654595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WinsloAlabaster,2019/03/14,"My s/o told me to kill myself. Last night my s/o told me to kill myself as well as telling me that I'm fat, ugly and that nobody likes me. I'm trying to have respect for myself,  but the temptation to actually kill myself is still there. If I leave him, then I have to go to my family in another state that's also abusive. I feel so depressed. ",2.7732432432432432,3.176821189189192,5.171189189189189,84.34813513513515,73.5945945945946,8.082162162162161,24.259459459459467,8.238735603445708,1.2652356756756755,264,7,59,4,5,94,47,74,0.3,0.637,0.063,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,9,8,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,1,15,3,10,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,41,18,0,0.0,0.2299513701051989,0.18939268865855188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520456272733865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350830321402494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715958840400033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829600037371651,0.0,0.09813195666420796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029932416974664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6441575494484595,0.0,0.0,0.1581999382967201,0.0,0.20550118344884102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481698626951622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212959119144406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549913971199311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696332249950048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37090078237531376,0.0,0.13176660973210144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744999427980901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrsmcclusterfuck,2019/03/14,"A crappy day I'm feeling seriously low right now. A few days ago a had a disagreement with a colleague, and she's now not talking to me, my boss rejected a proposal I made for a project, and Instagram crashing today gave me serious flashbacks to when I got kicked out of my Facebook because I was reported for not using my birth name. 

I'm sitting here reminding myself that it's all gonna be okay. Even the best relationships need space, not all my ideas are gonna be good, and Instagram was screwing everyone over today. 

I stuck it out at work, came home to have some comfort food and a glass of wine. I'm allowing myself to wallow in this depression for tonight only. Tomorrow is another day, and I'll go to work and stick it out again because I am stronger than my low mood. ",7.006338709677423,6.077711012903228,7.648830645161293,74.73324596774195,64.67741935483872,11.620967741935484,38.084677419354854,10.9516,4.111016129032258,617,29,121,15,8,206,101,155,0.157,0.745,0.098,-0.8061,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,6,12,1,0,9,1,9,3,0,4,2,25,23,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,11,2,0,2,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,8,1,15,4,18,11,5,26,0,4,0,1,5,10,1,1,13,76,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665588719937907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714057924979192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292133039197019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973005935715756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502866487127306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637447575193789,0.0,0.16192920664502095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124176124179001,0.0,0.0,0.17964769477924494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506143225690364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22733748119821745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684808587301853,0.1576904294911421,0.15036549332553506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858524730305112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122357775497327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789572888088184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940399303428286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298695922894833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184797793291234,0.0,0.16055601181205525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111202131493226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564152215128064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623767344495042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27374106946122745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,estrangedkjf,2019/03/14,"How do you stop splitting? How do you maintain healthy relationships while splitting? I have no idea what’s going on with me because I met this girl (online) and she lives pretty close to me, but we haven’t met up because our schedules don’t interact well with her constantly working and my work/school schedule. 

I like her because she’s been through some rough things and we shared common interests. She’s nice to me, but any form of a relationship where I am treated positively is detrimental.

Not pull up the DBT shit, but I realized that my brain is so black and white with rational mind and wise mind.

My wise mind says: She clearly likes me in some form as we’ve almost been talking for two months. She’s busy and dealing with her own mental health issues so that’s why we haven’t talked. She is nice because this is a genuine attribute she has gained through her experience. You are not in love with her, you just like her as a person. You do not want a relationship. When she’s ready, maybe you’ll meet up. She doesn’t have to do anything. Just remain friends.

Rational mind: She said she likes you and thinks you are cute, but likes you as a friend and overall person.

Emotional mind: She ignores you because she may just want your attention to make herself feel better don’t feed into it. She only talks to you because she pities you. She’s secretly a horrible person. You need to cut her out of your life because she’s going to leave you empty and destroy everything. You are in love with her. She is perfect. She is everything you want in a girlfriend. She is the epitome of everything beautiful. You want to be with her forever. She’s probably in love with a guy and using you as a tool to fill her other needs.


Yesterday, I was so upset with this idea that she is in love with other men beside me and using me as a tool because I saw some “evidence” and I had a panic attack. I felt oddly betrayed in a sense and I told my friend that I think I have a problem, Earlier in the week, I admitted to liking her romantically and her response was odd. He advised me that this was me being infatuated, not in love. I talked to him about her as if she is an attention seeking which I mean, everyone likes attention, but this was me devaluating her. He told me that I should probably stop talking to her and I decided I was going to for the sake of my mental health. I walked in the rain for a good hour after realizing all of this was related to splitting in which I had to tell her that I thought I liked her because she is attractive and she’s an overall good person, but I intrinsically know that I don’t even want a relationship and like her as a person. In which basically repeated the same thing to me which was nice and reassuring.

We talked about the issues surrounding our lives and mundane stuff. It was nice and currently I feel okay, but there is this feeling in the back of my head telling me that I’m going to do this all over again with her. 

How do you stop the splitting cycle? For me, it’s improved so much because I would have NEVER used wise mind. How do you use wise mind first and STICK with it? How do you redirect your thoughts when splitting?


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bpd,nothingtosee--here,2019/03/14,"I was ""officially"" diagnosed but now i feel worse My therapist hasn't put it in my files yet but she said that she thinks I have BPD. I essentially self-diagnosed a few months ago because couldn't manage to get to a new therapist for the likes of me. I have been diagnosed in the past with bipolar disorder, ED, OCD, PTSD, depression & anxiety. 
when I started learning about BPD I felt so great because I could finally understand all my personal quirks and I realize there was something I could do to work on them. I could not wait to be diagnosed that way I knew that I wasn't crazy and I indeed had an explanation for the way I was. But now that I've been diagnosed I'm not sure how I feel.
Ever since then I've been having struggles functioning like a normal person again, I spent two hours pacing around a bookstore almost crying because I couldn't find a book to buy with my in-store credit. My fiance was following me around and was being really patient with me, he has recently got a lot better with understanding how I function and how to deal with when I have my episodes. I am a book nerd, usually if you would take me into this bookstore I would see every single book that I wanted and by excessive amounts. But I couldn't help myself from disassociating, I split about three times really badly the course of about 4 hours while we went out book shopping and went to the park to play with my RC car. My hubby was doing great with me. we have been struggling recently and it seemed like things really let up. 
But I can't stop myself now from disassociating almost, I want to do stuff but I don't really have the motivation or the real push to do anything. Like is anything even worth doing? I'm just wondering if anyone else has had similar circumstances or anything else like that I guess..",5.4368330039525725,6.2530556477272725,6.2684683794466425,77.37949604743083,67.80681818181819,9.985375494071148,29.2248023715415,10.074871250255047,2.803716501976284,1436,49,275,34,23,474,183,352,0.10400000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.146,0.9463,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,2,1,1,3,21,16,0,2,15,0,42,5,0,4,3,70,67,25,0,13,13,0,3,5,0,2,5,1,0,2,11,20,0,2,13,6,5,6,9,5,0,2,20,5,50,11,35,36,5,39,0,1,1,0,12,8,0,10,28,195,61,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721302067151614,0.0,0.16296198335065154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816510819901162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062248354832319996,0.0,0.0,0.056896278139948214,0.08337388745139658,0.2008834329574235,0.14487433068657316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794112697060269,0.14880845139734267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196576244345332,0.0,0.0,0.2049670701022564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949036233873224,0.0,0.08938188166629163,0.0,0.08388960801567065,0.07008445572975215,0.4129476855864928,0.0,0.0,0.09325785992205993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359495398250962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374457306391675,0.07360444731455629,0.06855831548773922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228693116765358,0.0,0.07812862265630229,0.08913761310279261,0.07437133615164336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251282687125819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507957383721202,0.17942294512347345,0.08963898842101779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545410580268493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026747678251232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832070431618458,0.0,0.19876804376228646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917845046529393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494930812717042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858831908077647,0.0,0.0,0.07972599918715073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767753052073889,0.0,0.1420994951119426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951179817217181,0.08180001779600976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261765909027912,0.20851258952585774,0.0,0.16068747871874273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740215952207526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484190452259833,0.07407681975400061,0.08488737555400871,0.0,0.0,0.06731067530910458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264313227604372,0.0,0.0,0.057594592920487964,0.0,0.0,0.06802954005448195,0.0,0.17013262450802658,0.09314997183958076,0.0,0.0,0.07669091197738427,0.0,0.06118063188145704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895528457132493,0.05405907051084564,0.05213905229935673,0.0,0.0,0.04744790347889913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948734012794012,0.16941951515657233,0.0,0.0,0.08961831864391674,0.0,0.09598908195084743,0.12917653184139305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086288897799732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824304184371108,0.059238831158258835,0.0,0.08292368440780598,0.11560680652340248,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MitzyFitz,2019/03/14,"I forget I have bpd, life goes on, the pieces don't fit, I wonder why I'm so different, then I remember my diagnosis and I get really depressed. I have been on a 'feeling better' train for a while, but then better turned into simply being numb. After my diagnosis I stuffed my feelings in a box in an attempt to manage them, but now it's backfiring. I'm completely frozen, going nowhere, mind body and spirit. All I EVER want to do is sleep, oh God how I love sleep. I've been working my job now since October when the 'stuffing' started and I worry about how long I will keep it. I love my job, but I feel it's just a matter of time before I go full throttle and charge out randomly for no reason. I haven't been processing things properly, I've become quiet, depressed, just very 'existy'.

I'm wondering if BPD is something that you keep centric in your life? Should I just finally fully acknowledge it and go from there? I used to think if I just knew I had it, that would be good enough and help me in the trying situations but it's not realistic. How have you designed your lives to live with bpd effectively for those who have been able to? I didn't want to fully accept the diagnosis because of how difficult it is, even after crying tears of joy for finally being able to put a name to it. I've tried suppression and surprise surprise, that doesn't work. I didn't want to give it to much of my life because I was afraid of it defining me and changing the way people see me, but thinking about it now I feel like that could be an opportunity to actually start shaping my own identity. 

I know I have to get a handle on it, I'm just curious to see what has worked for others, what hasn't also.

I love you all",3.725619596541786,4.807490069164267,5.329828242074928,81.57216023054757,71.93948126801153,8.433844380403459,27.13648414985591,8.841846274778883,1.995966547550433,1342,46,272,25,25,456,178,347,0.081,0.727,0.192,0.9912,3,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,5,1,8,20,17,0,1,13,0,30,10,3,7,3,61,64,25,0,8,13,0,4,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,22,11,0,3,15,0,0,4,8,5,0,0,9,7,42,12,38,47,7,33,1,2,2,3,13,12,0,5,17,190,64,6,0.1854593754585371,0.0,0.09049079880549746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415589777478264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113054313907836,0.10241265469541734,0.07890613439338612,0.0,0.0,0.16402374639679002,0.0,0.10300177865551838,0.3503693866152173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809571409975934,0.0,0.09722531332799976,0.0,0.0,0.07403711016845671,0.0,0.10185920771991618,0.0,0.0,0.15973588832615304,0.0,0.0,0.09688278716912696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581455563234127,0.0,0.06124708419066824,0.08387931142593577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875476653251401,0.06624610744205715,0.0,0.20316168063217224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689486912364714,0.08895476609061459,0.1581012554791069,0.07777726253707519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215475502700209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403981329151006,0.1648448142511189,0.0,0.0,0.050961811285166365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964931623575456,0.045303041467070815,0.0,0.16376402630315673,0.08206285560730395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510764907531735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936305503440448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816699009563128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428708971491877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321894827952427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940501243872825,0.0953415630933704,0.0,0.0,0.1050446596249711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147787110734169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767069559318036,0.10423205422931067,0.18559331200150644,0.0,0.0,0.07138784397663996,0.0,0.0,0.13126910050371945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160548412784692,0.1188348792724648,0.0,0.0,0.05407142662733156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591474206321418,0.1008632722492948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008867720092959,0.0,0.07651170381517024,0.16408311709826215,0.07360450990781164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367411999539094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011227815174892,0.2025249512164743,0.09417149909523033,0.0,0.06587250961815633,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bax6,2019/03/14,"Why can’t I believe anything good about myself? I hate myself, more than I ever thought I could hate anything. Simply for being me. I feel incapable of doing anything right. And when someone says “I think you’re pretty” or anything of a positive nature about me, I get so built up on the inside with anger that I usually end up lashing out on this person. I truly, to the deepest of my core, believe that I am the worst scum to exist. I hate my voice, my skin, my face, my hair, my thoughts and ideas. I wake up every day and I have to convince myself to do no harm to myself- it takes real and constant effort for me to just act a little normal all day while I’m battling these thoughts. I don’t see a future for myself in which I am able to function like a normal adult. I tried many career options that I put my life into each time and they all failed. I spent years trying to stay happy and look into the “brighter” future... news flash... I will never have the future I once had envisioned and put so much effort into. I’ve been beaten down by people who have power over me and I’m too tired now to even value any aspect of my being. I already am seeing how mental illness strips away your ability to get out of poverty because of these new assessments they do of your personality— which I have seriously put effort into answering in the ways which made me seem like a stable, fair, enthusiastic human being (I failed them).... and not being able to get a decent job due to this. And this is what I have to look forward to? Potential homelessness? After the care and effort I have put into improving my situation for so many years and only getting beat down further... I am just giving up. ",4.459342619109607,5.417087410179644,5.653717781827647,80.39303957302786,70.10778443113773,7.4853423587607395,26.4977870346264,7.586124646067393,1.4991725071595936,1321,40,247,14,23,441,182,334,0.138,0.732,0.13,-0.7303,2,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,3,9,13,17,6,0,13,0,24,7,4,2,4,45,48,19,0,3,4,0,3,2,0,1,3,2,0,3,14,21,0,0,8,0,1,6,5,11,0,0,7,9,50,6,50,35,6,49,0,2,4,0,11,23,0,3,22,185,64,5,0.1911292458838727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545793778131504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498722065107253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145661681905183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978610904896878,0.0,0.0,0.05825530714664296,0.0,0.0,0.215337209616242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743450213755256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327140744595682,0.0,0.0763005752549942,0.0,0.0,0.12326255186709345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464189084369465,0.0,0.0,0.06311953216172453,0.08644367262889772,0.08051731649697186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483203447550822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997142848112263,0.0916742942687011,0.0,0.08015507169087079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173031813863416,0.0,0.2830508410504946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788082713556264,0.0,0.0,0.0948331424066484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750011936555039,0.09337609522774304,0.09578085791507757,0.0,0.0,0.16050042941182718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042555688357597,0.0,0.19377505640488965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630666288627546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025099366876836,0.0,0.07370532858495046,0.09229690833817997,0.0,0.0,0.18726608038487028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177320454126973,0.0,0.07268120205417902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625247683975036,0.08344334265355709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722357763405952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842753647304609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108773462666455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161166583618502,0.0,0.07599682384653203,0.0,0.0,0.15230526338256287,0.08699844357011183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741864018747847,0.0,0.0,0.08097159489977962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185917277842424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185270328826811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123395165084314,0.0,0.2276029078317859,0.05572450014778322,0.10983747594781114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297642119019476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525093090230864,0.0,0.0,0.07585474952425487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623220807885866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308096793073835
bpd,sablynn,2019/03/14,"Promiscuity and self harm Sort of new to this sub and was talking to a friend who is also BPD about different ways we self harm and it never occurred to me my promiscuousness could be a version of self harming, I’m in my very early 20s and have slept with 105+ people mostly unprotected, so like do other people with BPD do this? I definitely knew it was a quick fix to get the attention and love I so desperately seek out but it also can trigger very bad stint of depression yet I still do it carelessly ",3.6758663366336637,5.316836722772276,5.222858910891091,80.1037933168317,72.86138613861384,8.614356435643566,26.48638613861386,9.188382445141503,2.2002564356435643,403,14,79,9,8,136,70,101,0.23399999999999999,0.6890000000000001,0.077,-0.9512,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,10,2,1,1,1,17,15,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,0,7,3,12,9,2,9,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,2,7,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283285171707654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788757809615136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461522046874855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141569380299526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525529658132493,0.0,0.0,0.18505242214231066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136842265738139,0.0,0.0925377497304647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653175449277838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985747353227842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660565656267806,0.17106334106781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455850417155779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543235272084611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141448046934882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423621315712578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922846570983908,0.0,0.14058939918048385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlueMirror9,2019/03/14,"I'm still an emotional roaster coaster, but I suddenly can't cry anymore. I'm dealing with a crappy life and the lovely extreme lows that come with BPD. I don't think I need to give out details about what is going on in my personal life (but it is pretty terrible especially as of late) or what it is like to have a low, but I will say that I do have issues with panic attacks on top of all this. I had a panic attack just yesterday while going through an episode and all that happened was my eyes got a bit watery. This has been going on for over a month now. 

 I went from someone who cried *every day/every other day* to being unable to cry. The first thing that comes to mind is suppression, it could be connected, **but** I feel that can't really be the main reason because I'm still feeling **A LOT** of emotional pain. Doesn't feel like any of the heat is being suppressed, maybe the physical action (crying is pretty draining) though. 

I'm posting this here because I went to someone who could go through almost entire tissue box after an episode to struggling to shed I tear. I mean... maybe it is better this way, but I do feel like the negativity lingers with me more if I don't cry. This is all really strange to me so I was wondering if anyone had any idea what's going on or went through this too. ",2.1327376425855533,4.235415475285173,3.7226859315589382,87.11005171102666,78.65779467680608,6.3372775665399255,24.208212927756648,7.404127859558343,1.1529173840304183,1022,36,204,14,25,339,141,263,0.165,0.687,0.14800000000000002,-0.8358,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,9,14,2,3,15,0,30,5,1,1,3,39,56,15,0,5,10,0,4,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,22,9,0,2,9,0,0,11,6,9,0,1,9,6,18,5,32,40,7,34,0,2,1,1,7,10,0,7,14,145,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832162530278588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996085479433778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747274586484431,0.06167293322868731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006851597830687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753431784903776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800755703228343,0.09629380862913672,0.0,0.11108741065103732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195653460840422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084434042860922,0.0,0.4844291226133136,0.1137660676819843,0.09093245398240944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984308983361087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862808435189745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839045285224372,0.12602314281864696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750246297041777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461145585981872,0.25063632501574995,0.0,0.07054324716884648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799679299252286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956939310104734,0.0,0.09206003812522844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949576884152617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459945104111207,0.12927321812645495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498623980141432,0.0796058054688154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722165483265104,0.09607790389504844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890589400178473,0.0,0.0704020451658328,0.0,0.0,0.06540071208792128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385321370782704,0.20697223339820556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701463927317788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447319502305188,0.1794664145088802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300900016287617,0.09068641076593154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014182064527356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946664345581764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087656284607114,0.0,0.0,0.09220794693719844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859753142059069,0.0565163205079233,0.08665807904162222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001069211743421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452925880953423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565137484278348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rude_girl_,2019/03/14,"should people with BPD even be in a relationship? i had kind of a fight with my partner and I still feel really bad about stuff he said. But it it got me thinking that maybe people with BPD shouldn’t be in a relationship at all at least until they are well in control of managing their symptoms. Because in a relationship, the person with BPD will always want something (so much reassurance and validation) they can’t get and any fight will make them (or at least me) think they. should break up. 
Even with a healthy partner, having a relationship where you won’t get hurt badly seems impossible to me.",5.526578947368424,6.880163017543862,5.80434210526316,78.82914473684211,67.94736842105263,8.857894736842105,28.285087719298247,9.188382445141503,2.2453192982456143,480,16,91,9,8,153,74,114,0.135,0.792,0.07200000000000001,-0.8583,0,0,1,0,2,0,12.0,0,1,5,1,7,8,2,0,7,0,12,1,0,2,1,21,22,7,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,6,1,1,0,3,4,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,2,12,3,18,11,4,12,0,1,0,0,18,9,0,2,2,68,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973281547507742,0.0,0.0,0.08968136201623796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022475110680967,0.0803914252255224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982860604213901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791206050224714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742079614231901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666813303802743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780131613979132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054746483425172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117781129264328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373303363856046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802939246549278,0.0,0.13248888073873516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694528758255612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285479207795646,0.11515052567854572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844842350621393,0.0,0.0,0.5663492073950895,0.0,0.0,0.12544589761702174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005651010298568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152590065227987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531770596217974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096842132788094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370714310815295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900381738647088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778488753484764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857389511629307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShatteredGlassXxo,2019/03/14,How to quit life? I’m done. I’m over waking up in the morning and going to a shit job that I fucking hate. I’m tired of looking at myself in the morning and trying to fake a damn smile. I can’t sit at work pretending everything js ok. Its not. I’m tired of jt all. The fake interactions and all the bullshit. People pretending they care about you and then talk behind your back. I can’t do it anymore. I want to hit the escape button and exit as fast as possible. I QUIT. 🚫,-0.4308301599390738,1.7563314158415864,2.2776237623762405,92.5710129474486,91.27722772277228,5.087890327494288,18.66031987814166,6.67199483983844,0.1720351865955827,367,11,81,5,13,127,66,101,0.235,0.627,0.138,-0.9434,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,3,3,8,4,0,7,1,4,6,2,1,2,10,15,9,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,1,9,2,16,13,2,12,0,0,1,1,5,7,3,0,3,50,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497211753831784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589250107232961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107251593198348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21150652675404533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575164871164648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107334952428445,0.0,0.0,0.11746163393539373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040548001219456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050991035416762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598497550008374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356007275000962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328665340415667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330018894891735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43966158833701824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215518238175105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661224418379049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475099048296372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403229021915007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121905869609754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504663047139223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nathcoart,2019/03/14,"What happens if you leave your BPD untreated? I am recently diagnosed with BPD with a result of dissociative disorder. Nonetheless, my insurance only allows up to 8 psychotherapy sessions and after that you’re on your own (in terms of financing it). I am aware I really need the help but I can barely afford it so I’ve been considering just leaving it untreated. Would it just make everything worse? 
Thanks! ",4.295239726027397,7.375810904109592,5.91121575342466,68.93476883561647,76.94520547945207,10.773287671232877,29.67294520547945,10.411451182825502,4.4771383561643825,328,15,51,13,8,111,58,73,0.105,0.815,0.079,-0.2311,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,3,0,12,9,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,9,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,37,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554952352730916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383153708145068,0.0,0.0,0.25274448628565044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819657615086986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501240788675964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781544101475874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670151612662488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720432286590335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351890702732982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772167556584278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127604731614013,0.0,0.21774504741609527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303278860670776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473713244203067,0.15665694532504634,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aunicornstabbedme,2019/03/14,"Haven't slept for 3 days, sinus infection, on verge of psychosis I'm shouting into the void right now because I feel desperately alone. I also have yeast infection and my boyfriend didn't come over because I suppose I'm only useful for sexing him. And I can't ever be sick or deserving of his empathy without him comparing wounds to how he always somehow is feeling worse. But I guess I haven't left him cuz he is sweet and accepts my mood swings and flaws and when he dicks me down it's an anxiety relief. 

I have been crying, puking, breathing my own snot and hallucinating shadow people and ETs all night. I am unemployed (one month sober so hopefully can pass drug test soon and applying every day)  I also have dyspraxia which fucks up my motor skills so I can't drive to 7-11 myself and have to beg my relatives to buy me NyQuil.

I miss weed so much. It's the only thing besides meds I don't have access to that can put me to sleep during my BPD and bi polar episodes. But you know mental illness is invisible I didn't get disability and I have to pass a drug test to enslave myself to minimum wage capitalism. 

I can't stop crying when I can't sleep like this. It feels like the world is about to end. I wish my world would, at least. At least the elves and aliens are here to keep me company even if some of them are assholes. ",4.532036348616273,5.301618364312269,5.5476270136307315,81.90653758777366,69.817843866171,8.654357703428337,27.58384964890541,8.841846274778883,1.968580999586948,1056,34,213,18,18,349,165,269,0.138,0.7759999999999999,0.086,-0.9237,3,1,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,15,9,1,0,6,0,27,16,5,3,2,37,43,25,0,4,5,0,3,2,0,1,8,1,0,0,7,14,0,2,5,0,2,5,10,2,0,1,4,5,36,6,25,37,6,28,0,1,0,4,9,12,2,6,13,139,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404795562471992,0.0,0.2224491151380155,0.11572812770085204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639804995103916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956730918228888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517006370532245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980761677581528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055521044970733,0.17939394938242828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32258405300307136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318618146100875,0.0,0.0,0.09186295420747212,0.12580846004827526,0.11718335521433275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109735037081161,0.09936086288496633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857991456614729,0.07266508310448508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321551217331367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381407176224239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362328609593658,0.0,0.0,0.07643633322763732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111399503985598,0.0,0.0,0.13589777468566644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544897655284907,0.0,0.14016286654230267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101465651606457,0.0,0.10224194624713713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051989480541468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424618328516007,0.21155764966508453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642258168941584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398167454047615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877605021367997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783667197695777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162795453849462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240050921849133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012298354224304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993848929504598,0.1340709677096877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173737345368356,0.09880051294761796,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Quix_Optic,2019/03/14,"Desperately trying NOT to hurt myself tonight I've been holding off from cutting/hitting/burning myself tonight. It's legit the only thing I want to do right now but I've started getting concerned that I'm doing very real damage to myself. 


But all I want to do is cut my wrists or hit myself. Isn't there supposed to be some type of natural self preservation to keep people from hurting themselves? Why don't I have that?",3.2817073170731703,5.764207597560978,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,76.6829268292683,5.5634146341463415,28.542682926829272,6.6274283507984215,1.6063609756097563,341,15,58,3,8,110,59,82,0.156,0.752,0.092,-0.8095,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,9,1,1,0,1,11,16,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,8,0,10,13,2,6,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909161813177814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5699989163260634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23663308658337245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247617261897966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456695208536286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30302242919427524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273547667421904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27773082369992924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884354844059477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686811594118956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807493562726092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196635752939815,0.3140529038908416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402267292617905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ForeignOperation,2019/03/14,"DAE read people super well , see in between the lines more so than others, (able to read people's emotions like a book)? title speaks for itself i guess. i think it stems from my childhood, trying to make my parents happy. i have an uncanny ability to know how others are feeling, almost intuitively. every once in a while there is an exception of course, or a misread, but that's pretty rare. it can get exhausting, its as if i always know whats wrong but of course its not always appropriate or even necessary for me to bring it up or say anything. it is also quite sad in certain cases, it can be a significant source of depression for me in certain situations - the unsaid. what is intangible to others yet extremely obvious to me. ",4.507534336167431,6.350085561151083,6.061922825376066,74.10837148463052,71.0863309352518,8.795552648790059,28.463701765860037,9.339509955726095,2.771325179856116,579,22,99,13,11,197,95,139,0.12,0.728,0.152,0.0004,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,0,0,8,0,8,1,0,2,3,19,17,11,0,1,8,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,14,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,4,9,6,22,16,1,9,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,6,4,77,23,3,0.18295818663783486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320619566248728,0.0,0.0,0.14631159575330432,0.30447173551485496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055899855513852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758161805991008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058033344688776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208421567545362,0.0,0.1541501631642613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250915644250772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558810119759177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015490694699226,0.0,0.0,0.19476239176963175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109806921242684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938412841627384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212601027435716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948444976600342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315341461969488,0.0,0.0,0.2536803400612103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613425046607388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459855225767855,0.3660153954429943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549569341831106,0.0,0.0,0.1457939870740776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056526674284485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723221846973693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421659903630353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450138218231422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003605583116446,0.0,0.0
bpd,mierecat,2019/03/14,"Well it’s official everyone 

The results are in! After 23 years there’s finally a consensus on my condition. As it turns out, I’m just ugly and boring! A genuine waste of resources! Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers. It’s great to have some closure and I can’t wait to never experience love for the rest of my life!",1.3335243055555566,4.0172521093750015,3.2239583333333366,84.61409722222223,90.40625,7.219444444444445,27.42361111111111,8.167268648758528,2.5613215277777788,261,13,49,7,9,87,50,64,0.182,0.69,0.128,-0.5908,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,10,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,4,4,11,8,2,7,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5338088360565817,0.0,0.2732307972009536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059839153453565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079538106341522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729359384987472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25209927204373384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543056959144105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571624363441878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22175069752411186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038224419226088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511442838174729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987439671084313
bpd,IamGoatHead,2019/03/14,"Not fully recognize themselves in the mirror? And I don't mean the ""I just got a haircut a couple days ago and forgot"" lack of recognition, I mean the ""I've suffered from large gaps of time in my childhood and it feels like I've been stuck with a face that, at best, it only vaguely familiar."" one. I understand depersonalization can do something like this but I legitimately see a stranger when I look in the mirror, and I swear to god it seems like my face changes the more I look at it/analyze it.",2.217272727272725,4.5518085555555565,3.765949494949497,85.69559090909092,79.60606060606061,6.78828282828283,25.051515151515154,7.908726449838941,1.4711890909090912,393,15,80,7,10,130,63,99,0.07,0.802,0.128,0.7543,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,9,0,4,2,2,0,0,15,15,6,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,4,10,4,10,11,3,10,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,1,8,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681672345843126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23300740835338354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348789263804565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24567262722048303,0.0,0.14319136386002707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226533870769323,0.15861869945766496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775781474922459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32541879650522865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728995552904005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4837128108884509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045367549643815,0.16886427047763344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769296356149183,0.2021283122863788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092999733705866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946782385590913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311416768477369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candypaintfence,2019/03/14,"Haxx I have rigged my illness to make me great at customer service. 

Customers problems - My problems. 

Customers mood - My mood now.  

All that work for nothing? No problem. I just want to make you happy. Please don't be angry, please, what do you want? Whatever it is, I can do it. Fuck money. Until you vanish from my sight you are my everything. Bid me your whimsies. 

No boundaries. You want a hug, stranger? You got it. 

I know truly that's all gross exaggeration of how I actually feel. The work personality I've constructed is an amplified amalgam of some chosen BPD characteristics. 

The only catch is for how bright and hot it burns, it burns out. And after it burns out there is no rekindling. 

Anyone else use their bugs as features? ",1.7976277372262786,4.601010423357668,2.9296751824817555,86.25889233576643,90.75182481751824,5.075766423357664,23.63832116788321,6.742157984588678,1.0714878832116788,576,23,105,8,20,184,91,137,0.133,0.665,0.203,0.8494,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,7,1,2,5,11,1,0,4,0,11,3,0,5,2,21,21,6,0,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,4,20,4,13,19,3,7,0,0,2,2,9,3,1,1,3,70,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.16965758978834872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156359351910075,0.17813519083478765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896452992429785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452337054258312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624983752793214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790640951763289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607263247791315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904788008951385,0.19167596442196475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507208613641524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554626755449457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320993831265609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681874691184734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222470875141035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180364891854908,0.0,0.3816815891089209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990678211138228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501550668422359,0.0,0.0,0.3076328923970041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25313730271622203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,varvardski,2019/03/14,"The more I know about my childhood, the more I understand why I have BPD and I know it's miracle to be here today as I am now. Whoch things from your childhood justifies how you are today? All my life I was searching for the right psychiatrist and therapist. Never worked until recent years. My ex psychiatrist was the first to understand my struggles and gave me the right medication to start my healing. Lithium was amazing. I am a totally different person after lithium. But I dropped the treatment due to money issues. 

With therapy, it was always a nightmare. Simply no one understands me. Never worked, always bad professionals and I don't see myself doing it again. But one of them helped me with the concept of childhood. He teached me that what happens at our first and second childhood (something like 0-4 and 4-8 yo) molds our vision of world and our minds, sometimes for the rest of our lives. And it takes a lot of work to change our misconceptions and traumas absorved at this age. That was just mindblowing.

So somethings I know today that explains why I am a fjcking nightmare of emotions and why I can't understand relationships, why I express so much anger and why I don't know nothing about communication, relationships, self regulation, self love and so on. My low self esteem, escape behaviour, suicide attempts, anxiety, depression, bipolarity, shyness, needyness, fear of abandonment, angry behaviour, impulsiveness, self destructing behaviour, dissociation, etc.

I was sexually abused as a toddler. My 10 years older sister used to beat me at a daily basis. My mother didn't want to have me and I was a burden. My parents didn't show affection, love or caring. Several times I was neglected when sick. My privacy was constantly ignored. When I said something naive, or curious, like every kid do, my family laughed or criticized me. They always treated me as someome dumb and inferior. They ignored some of my talents to focus on what they wanted me to be (an engineer or something with prestige for them). When I did something wrong, I was punished with violence, lack of attention, isolation and shaming. They ashamed me to all my friends. They totally ignored my signs of excessive shyness, anxiety, depression and lack of communication. My parents were emotionally abusive to me. My parents had an abusive relationship. My family is all envy, jealous and toxic in general. When I wanted to do something, they immediately disencouraged me with lots of fears. They were extremely judgemental with everyone. There were no sense of controlling bad feelings or thoughts. 

Those are some things that happened till my 8yo. That explains a lot. So I make a real effort to remember and analize everything I can. It hurts a lot when I remember everything and understand the situation, but it helps me a lot to see why I am who I am and to seek a healing from those traumatic childhood.

What are your childhood events that justifies your BPD? Which symptoms? Do they cause more sadness or self growth?",5.873446327683617,8.411348284369119,6.478666666666669,69.63088135593222,68.98116760828626,9.842410546139359,36.282109227871935,10.151622433807765,4.478882787193975,2413,130,369,68,45,786,254,531,0.17,0.764,0.066,-0.9912,4,1,6,0,1,1,81.0,5,4,10,9,17,37,5,5,23,0,38,10,1,6,7,87,67,44,1,5,10,6,1,2,1,0,7,1,0,7,22,26,0,7,16,1,1,1,9,27,0,5,20,4,77,10,53,45,20,45,0,8,2,2,47,10,1,13,35,286,99,5,0.0,0.21198520378941502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887174263367908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124640323673484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959112147810578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022491742297456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080530863839202,0.06126504998844439,0.0630895040198014,0.0,0.0,0.06444790772787617,0.06688952041731121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027329079679344,0.0,0.0,0.06230941939359605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417031300850754,0.0,0.0,0.06651256445238134,0.0,0.0,0.05024791190929203,0.0569870330275444,0.10719827064274724,0.0,0.11244352421062376,0.1342195281391675,0.03015495960761813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014567603650783,0.0,0.0,0.046076468645681656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547605455820548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994870526428922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384412507583928,0.0,0.0,0.06224697985247887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131102787820564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212435534751623,0.05827260534215339,0.0,0.05266178696270492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25351211302902144,0.10765194258158273,0.0,0.039809085375797484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007939904680602,0.0,0.0,0.06021776829413309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384107537341066,0.0,0.09199359887065536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722463927856356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808250268451179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986641078868927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207393779983333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788153912628535,0.0,0.0,0.05888571078609416,0.19208792073520434,0.1351173297730149,0.10186171060138173,0.0567297615990836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504814356370607,0.0,0.3110792132729424,0.06737440014713278,0.0,0.0,0.06703604397644512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27547525664264866,0.05898388814223725,0.0,0.042212356166157115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062346989335705184,0.0,0.06523471396143064,0.0,0.0,0.06198711759423256,0.04484064375654121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820169127880843,0.06924476211520346,0.07924218655614325,0.0,0.0,0.047346216361049916,0.034775622144839466,0.0,0.1695906481697011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31042831247891617,0.0,0.051508416739493634,0.0,0.0,0.10552879471599412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228862001718492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025236465364787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520521227976828,0.0,0.07681032979442046
bpd,RyanXHardcastle,2019/03/14,"I am so tired of being heartbroken every relationship I have no matter how short just destroys me, like once the feelings are there they don't ever go away until I find another person to get unhealthily attached to, I dated a guy a year ago for like 2 months and then I ghosted him over something so stupid and small in fear of getting hurt, and here I am, a year later still just as hurt as I was when I left him and before him I was stuck on another dude for 2 years ! and I only knew him for a month. I hate that I get so attached to people so quickly  I literally don't ever get over them. I know the only way ill feel healed is if I find another person, but I don't want someone to replace him, I want him to be gone and erased from my memory so I can live my life. ",7.45855400696864,4.376268792682929,8.369094076655053,76.78914634146344,65.34146341463415,11.322648083623696,33.79442508710801,9.23628265651192,2.6986595818815324,598,17,132,8,7,206,98,164,0.174,0.7959999999999999,0.03,-0.9516,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,15,8,3,1,6,0,13,4,0,1,2,22,27,19,1,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,5,2,29,2,19,20,0,26,0,2,0,0,12,8,0,1,17,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787858945926473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41832281711139774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124938921044545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315603486287185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405757261068524,0.11204123616769364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963927135622887,0.13447718811175605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24308229799967576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779058757061057,0.0,0.07557549787644549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167093173098454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129004421798499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847153015414791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308223294414405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448296667676705,0.0,0.09392758159628392,0.12993444879924768,0.0,0.11742361992578815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228645187777412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161917139874172,0.0,0.20227429523462548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219146547905993,0.23222570417434565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277056348733144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267337240905465,0.10237436447631908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619785834660184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528407443036791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686988987205125,0.10555319371837137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569039381024605
bpd,hiisthisuniqueenough,2019/03/14,"Bye On the verge of killing myself, i thought I could work thru this but it’s impossible. I can’t anymore, I’m very tired and would rather not live my whole life like this. I’m 21 and I already can’t handle this. I wish everyone the best",-0.9725,1.1175077058823568,0.7786029411764694,100.83496323529413,99.39215686274514,4.1186274509803935,18.139705882352946,5.985473137389443,-0.4096882352941176,187,6,45,2,8,60,38,51,0.124,0.64,0.235,0.8046,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,8,3,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,3,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967360355707639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667492582035723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821922474111488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146934663172149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569439139249032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974962034852759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993086952469895,0.13137015997987725,0.0,0.2374421853114662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347526788179,0.0,0.3090591173652493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218693148414302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002154248577687,0.3092198525579858,0.0,0.0,0.1957612144029656,0.0,0.0,0.19101768549255704,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bonazio,2019/03/14,Dissociating getting really bad I have never had this much trouble before. I'll sit down to write an essay and it feels like time just ceases to exist. I look at the time and realize an hour has passed since I last checked but I dont remember anything. This is happening more and more frequently and I dont know what to do. Is there any way to deal with this? (I am not on any meds),0.8449648382559793,3.1570413164556967,2.9194092827004248,89.76606188466951,85.20253164556964,6.549085794655415,20.17018284106892,7.793537801064563,0.8493533052039379,300,9,65,6,9,101,57,79,0.057,0.919,0.024,-0.3604,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,14,14,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,6,1,8,13,3,12,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,7,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290340233140878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567148913214914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824245791496168,0.0,0.0,0.1816512468094986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008304237734616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003815177742694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793922267397836,0.15250636855598318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153172006883284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877497247342695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022957860195945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732011244485432,0.17401037284164836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104292955548024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926498328357066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371222676185137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692846744194416,0.0,0.16464484917717714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367573593509259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24182522104586585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658847808341402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489576289380712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944628067696565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jasminee_23,2019/03/14,"Impulsive actions? DAE have these , and how do you deal without them?",2.765000000000001,5.727312166666668,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,94.0,5.7333333333333325,31.0,7.1686216300943375,2.5307,54,3,9,1,2,16,12,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7304405179890485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.682976317071017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,INTP_Music_Man,2019/03/14,"Open-Ended Songs About Loving Yourself & Owning Who You Are (Please Comment with More Positive Songs To Add! :) **Kacey Musgraves - Follow Your Arrow** ... *Underlying Message:* Know that even when it seems that you are being judged or ridiculed for your decisions, and when it feels like there is no correct path and no way to live without being judged - know that you are loved just for being you, whatever you choose in life. ... We all love you.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ8xqyoZXCc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ8xqyoZXCc)

​

**Maren Morris - My Church** ... Underlying Message: We are here for you. We love you and support you without condition. We give you permission to love everything you do, say, think, and feel. ... You being alive and sharing your presence with us makes the world a beautiful place. We are so happy to have you here!

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouWQ25O-Mcg&list=RDkQ8xqyoZXCc&index=14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouWQ25O-Mcg&list=RDkQ8xqyoZXCc&index=14)

​

**Lauren Alaina - Road Less Traveled** ... *Underlying Message:* Your path being unique to only yourself doesn't make it any less perfect of a path for you to take. ... Perfection is not objective, it is subjective - it is the inevitable perception of reality of someone who feels loved. You are loved. We bless your path that you will always see it as perfection.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-NAEvc-b6E](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-NAEvc-b6E)",9.93257894736842,14.444703900000004,4.81163157894737,69.93989473684212,85.0,5.905263157894738,24.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,1.96895,1220,39,147,19,38,311,115,200,0.027000000000000003,0.703,0.27,0.9966,0,0,0,0,0,0,152.0,7,21,0,3,9,16,1,0,4,0,19,8,0,2,5,36,40,10,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,12,14,0,0,10,3,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,7,29,15,23,34,5,12,2,0,1,7,44,7,0,2,3,109,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146782007267168,0.6514366428211461,0.2087328444981948,0.05840852088502475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607353568228546,0.0,0.0,0.056729899749301475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719289016367263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302865319145897,0.06136022773377931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239404421005908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143209006496514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440640263788423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066703718370739,0.04196178536050133,0.0,0.0758429312797845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5426370379714553,0.0,0.11466522123929855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532363541015902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973734629435455,0.09428203399032002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830361459322473,0.0,0.0,0.06844364990575115,0.07819153300173734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277478624898677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746758091510753,0.0,0.0,0.06457900612786141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503519781333872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331575900713952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068175922549515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559085483544708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087328444981948,0.0
bpd,camcl9,2019/03/14,Sudden crash I was doing really well for the last couple weeks and something so fucking stupid and trivial just set me off and it doesn’t even matter but suddenly it’s all come crashing back and I want to die I want to hurt I want to not feel this anymore ,1.204591194968554,3.5925125094339627,2.5493396226415115,92.51822327044027,84.28301886792455,5.042767295597487,20.154088050314463,6.42735559955562,0.20910314465408847,205,6,42,2,6,66,42,53,0.26,0.621,0.11900000000000001,-0.9076,0,0,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,14,9,6,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,1,5,1,5,8,1,8,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693048866668858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880538541233487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23391650122793275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30046519379246783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818262939376836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793563833331452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730396883292534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510438363846254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29070016586471664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134970233591728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396204772298654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905265415968696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805021306346073,0.0,0.21782123606447434,0.0,0.2441562924224772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,echorob,2019/03/14,"Things I am weird about Heeey everybody I am new to this group but have been aware of the issues I struggle with due to BPD for almost 2 years now. They aren't exactly improving...just the same pattern of feeling stable between every relationship/infatuation and then plummeting into an identity crisis nightmare. I found some really insightful things on here, THANK YOU. There are some really random things I get super weird about in relationship...
-cooking (making a meal for my FP or them for me)
-giving/receiving gifts
-bringing them around my friends/family
...I am at a very autopiloty point in my brain and wish I could be more specific but I can't. Does somebody get ""weird"" about any of those things?? ",4.803958333333334,7.517227312500001,5.255937500000002,76.37864583333338,72.75,8.954166666666666,27.854166666666664,9.516144504307137,2.978310416666667,568,22,95,15,12,181,93,128,0.09,0.774,0.136,0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,3,1,7,6,0,1,5,0,10,3,1,1,1,20,18,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,16,2,19,14,4,13,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,5,5,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792037592762622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082816812098865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581724451803886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237811384935612,0.1983491091421163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186264072037116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548854741154286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970266087516407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750044064416608,0.0,0.08984010519666452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481642532860616,0.0,0.0,0.185660434002078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545125879421065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860246090467705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160398992304096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796457976300125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22765210358453275,0.0,0.0,0.3815226247006165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574921517056228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358343222726285,0.0,0.0,0.4721695183049822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466042140831602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043226820057276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441978697225474
bpd,l0nelyw0lf,2019/03/14,"She hates me. 
i am really thinking about it. how much better everyone would be. i hate how i just hurt everyone and cant turn my thoughts off. im sure she hates me. im sure shed be happy if i was gone. maybe
.............",-2.2747826086956517,-0.6225851086956506,0.7611956521739138,99.84657608695652,106.6086956521739,4.908695652173913,14.445652173913045,6.6274283507984215,-0.36729565217391297,159,4,40,3,8,55,33,46,0.23,0.57,0.2,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,10,13,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,9,4,2,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597204502109886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35863871978882184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976999694652608,0.0,0.5558329776902055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089636244239348,0.0,0.4054149517625912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188531993524842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379533756256933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022126814623835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537389742913078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202464177654728,0.0,0.148982895936732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041226826052173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333099063052662,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RepressedSpinach,2019/03/14,"DAE have severe FOMO? Not like getting invited to something and being busy that day, but for things you absolutely could not have ever been a part of?

I wish I could have seen my favorite band back in their hay day.

I wish I could have gone to a singer’s 2 years ago concert across the country.

[TW] I was watching a serial killer documentary and felt *FOMO about not being murdered*.

Anyone else?",1.7057894736842132,4.444468526315792,2.900315789473684,87.8052105263158,87.42105263157896,5.145263157894737,20.757894736842104,6.742157984588678,0.6251936842105263,312,10,58,4,10,100,57,76,0.115,0.741,0.14400000000000002,0.5163,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,0,1,13,17,3,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,4,8,1,7,7,1,9,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,7,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870711075391956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756161463018508,0.21623181432117847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227402768399726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054863745843776,0.0,0.0,0.2722021437675316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762939005911583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908945794834411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026281170736508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102578513164954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310176494252137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853194398992344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384111548240024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246619368332704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020326092976085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853630772601325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590057491205415
bpd,vanillaface23,2019/03/14,"People piss me off I’m so fucking annoyed and tired of feeling like this. All my best friends end up abandoning me they all stop talking to me they don’t check up on me. It annoys me I do so much for them and I barely feel like half of them care. I cut off a bunch of my friends for never being there for me and no one ever fights for me, no one ever messages me saying how they miss me even tho they treated me like shit I miss them all the time. I would take everyone back even if they hurt me bad. I wanna be missed for once I want to have a close friend that actually calls ME for once checks up on ME people always think I’m just okay all the time  because I’m so good at keeping things in  and every time I’ve told someone how I feel they end up not being my friend. Just for once I want someone decent to care",1.815496368038744,2.986559367231642,3.207380952380955,94.58555084745764,76.79661016949153,5.735108958837772,21.117433414043575,5.773587663045528,-0.10518208232445536,636,15,150,3,14,208,94,177,0.19699999999999998,0.613,0.191,-0.0756,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,9,1,14,26,7,0,4,1,7,4,2,2,7,29,25,11,0,5,4,0,3,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,4,0,2,0,5,13,0,3,1,4,34,13,24,20,7,21,0,5,0,1,19,11,3,1,13,106,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.11787881058237905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051138567711364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288414734882093,0.10085904931132587,0.07363570788731395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676723929881295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334553079145673,0.0,0.2463177653320513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139776049418831,0.0,0.0,0.15956834355176874,0.21853257113158733,0.1017752697194918,0.11542510795994655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832332348249189,0.17259240616865404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733046684687224,0.11167332989863278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013173860685034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931389191511702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736843353743604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704348003538914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879846149579643,0.0,0.09316480010581596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859292308677829,0.16370807451853253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748853521971424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606128943823393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399466346723954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469897083200547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099029911515384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908230499399856,0.09709070520362127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802510453018683,0.07740076565379896,0.0,0.0,0.21131017323724852,0.13883645439570866,0.0,0.11542510795994655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424964227340302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580953186803847,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fumiyaoibaby,2019/03/14,"How do i stop obsessing over someone who's no longer a part of my life I'm sick of thinking about my abusive ex every single day, it's been more than 2 years and I've moved on to a better healthier relationship, but I cant stop thinking about them and fantasizing that they'll come back begging for me ",7.2371428571428575,5.469703190476191,7.771428571428572,76.74857142857145,64.71428571428572,10.939682539682536,35.285714285714285,9.725611199111238,3.0704857142857143,243,9,51,4,3,81,52,63,0.21,0.758,0.033,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,9,8,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,9,6,3,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,33,10,0,0.0,0.3147579311124382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427242451639294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349504058326308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22883840254341895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132560477956513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238259347242028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764009989773786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28234939925572217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876786565572491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852142293023658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508875982266827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441992275692691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404422070033111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107321687064178
bpd,nebulafoxx,2019/03/14,"I am so fed up! I'm sick of dealing with BPD. I've ruined so many relationships, friendships, and I've cut off contact from my family. It makes me cringe when I look back on how I've acted in relationships or just in general. I'm always searching for myself in someone else. I'm always hoping I can find someone with traits that I can use and make me feel like myself. It's really confusing and annoying. If I get a FP I desperately cling to them and if I feel like they're going to leave me or replace me I freak out. At first I try to whine about it but then it turns to anger and then I begin to resent them. I feel sad about everyone I don't have but then I start to hate them all. I just wish I could go to a work and not be emotionally affected so much. It's so exhausting splitting back and forth all of the time. Everything I feel is in extremes. I keep searching for the path I need to be or the one that will satisfy me and feel right to me. It feels like I can't find it because I change my mind about things too much. So frustrated.",1.168146718146719,3.0128245405405423,3.2562805662805694,90.54554054054056,80.62162162162161,6.93127413127413,21.382239382239387,7.957251820313856,0.8624077220077218,816,24,186,15,21,277,122,222,0.184,0.7290000000000001,0.087,-0.9687,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,2,15,16,6,1,5,0,11,3,0,5,2,44,36,25,0,6,10,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,11,1,1,8,0,0,3,3,12,0,2,1,7,33,4,28,31,4,23,0,3,1,0,7,10,0,7,13,124,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117172118084348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565119479169535,0.0,0.07755313817642599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023121697718315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134583638733073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157613693111137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115993683652494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627736544604774,0.14310723483396587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215657403653318,0.11433861743837412,0.0,0.11993325098487415,0.0,0.3859625387356021,0.2726615206364872,0.0,0.0,0.232556570064682,0.108214672124511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646806224359454,0.0,0.1446059932105814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560504248242604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635980618228115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308044970054172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470936001763992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646221872996105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683414601366867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984288108617324,0.1289827868101726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845760161414274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870451049313257,0.09433324287250497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620868385730349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150144791093504,0.0,0.0,0.2731768855571705,0.0,0.10864659560492408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558898562909973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004814002904217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452041249637587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418396831888202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637515059919047,0.13838062466245896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987865981645424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629862111798006,0.0,0.0,0.09261887779396226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwmeoffacliffpls,2019/03/14,"Feeling Overwritten I'm doing this instead of homework because I literally don't care about anything. 

Through therapy I realized that a lot of my breakdowns that feel ""life-or-death"" are not as they seem; they will come and go, and how I feel in a certain moment will not be the rest of my life. It was really helpful, I was able to tell myself that it would pass and wouldn't seem as serious in a few hours. Then, when trying to talk about it in the next therapy session, I couldn't quite recall all of the raw feelings and it was almost like it was a different person, and I was trying to explain her actions from the outside: ""Well, I know she was feeling off all day, but then when the dog knocked over her water by accident, she couldn't stop crying and thought about committing herself to a hospital because she felt like she was going to die. I don't know why though, haha, she's so weird sometimes, right?""

But now it's... messed me up. A lot. I realized... every single emotion I have, from a day ago, to two hours ago, to right now, are all going to be overwritten. Invalidated. By a future self who doesn't get what I'm going through, all because she didn't wake up in the same state of mind, or she got enough sleep. Today I started off okay, and then I disintegrated, and now I'm stable again but at the cost of having 5+ homework assignments due in an hour and I just. Don't fucking care lmao.

Anyway, it's been giving me feelings of not being real, of not even existing in the first place, if by next week this version of me will be gone and replaced by the me that can handle things. I know this me will come back some day, she always does, and I'll have the same intense feelings of not mattering, of being eternally stuck, but then it'll be gone. And I'll laugh at myself. And it'll continue. And I won't even be there to protest.",4.536838695263626,5.010913348525467,5.434788873994641,83.77924318588028,69.67024128686327,8.361438784629133,29.214588918677396,8.344100000000001,1.9219848972296687,1441,51,298,20,24,473,180,373,0.081,0.818,0.10099999999999999,0.1182,1,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,2,2,20,14,2,0,19,2,38,5,2,1,6,66,72,31,1,5,12,0,8,2,0,9,1,0,2,2,19,16,1,1,17,0,1,10,14,5,1,2,15,8,37,9,46,39,14,58,0,0,0,1,21,16,1,8,33,218,56,4,0.0971764741200574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228216202899108,0.0,0.0973082017186337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085861111292224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996795822860217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472271025255409,0.0,0.17771362999249146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815578367579348,0.0,0.0,0.16741785572273354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674379376519508,0.1880123597949416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085383794997008,0.1015287324972636,0.0,0.0,0.08503978736316521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093104537892302,0.0,0.10040927467495588,0.0,0.12836828932628594,0.0,0.08187537063311012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439474159901444,0.0,0.09330465446139996,0.0,0.0,0.08265825924389601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983808444315065,0.05077069691667082,0.0932205287922256,0.2209105187006141,0.0,0.07772090359366413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513534221051365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28709775689460154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021694637609935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727723504151956,0.09495103336350726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523192646654586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812053696243554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066965653394873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485074893029418,0.1015287324972636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335914191531652,0.0,0.11060810218628817,0.062253737667140735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659763558705904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693162469155335,0.10137625590872963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972466538074925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096110017700746,0.0,0.06878200854674403,0.0,0.0,0.08124388363883929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810676891828551,0.08493652160740743,0.0,0.2222595343399642,0.0,0.06455973141505311,0.0,0.09547539243104823,0.077147265733833,0.0,0.0,0.09211193491893764,0.0,0.0,0.13195289419245576,0.0,0.09492729492134423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794910594455103,0.0,0.08737332065930943,0.0,0.08768665305969994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903137908563832,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miawallacesuglytwin,2019/03/14,"Raise your hand if you display inappropriate levels of sympathy towards crappy people I’ve noticed this in myself. Whenever someone does something shitty to me or one of my friends, or when I read about douchebags and criminals doing bad things, no matter how heinous, there’s always a knee-jerk thought of “Well, they probably had a really difficult childhood and that’s why they turned into this. Imagine how painful it must be...” or “I pity them, I bet they were hurt and it made them like this” or “God they must feel so lonely and sad.”

It’s ever present, I even catch myself going soft for movie villains because of a myriad of nonsense excuses I give them. 

I realized that just because I’m a generally good person, who occasionally lashes out like a hurt child because of trauma, doesn’t mean everyone else is. Not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, or the excuses or the pity.  Not everyone is a good person with a tragic backstory. Some people just suck! ",7.8861452513966475,7.970882446927379,8.003290502793295,69.5648240223464,62.519553072625705,11.182346368715084,37.453072625698326,10.793553405168565,4.243131396648044,774,35,129,18,10,252,119,179,0.272,0.598,0.129,-0.9859,0,2,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,7,0,11,21,2,1,11,0,9,2,1,3,3,34,18,15,0,3,11,0,3,2,1,2,1,0,0,3,10,7,0,0,5,1,1,2,4,14,1,1,4,3,19,7,15,11,1,11,0,7,0,0,17,5,1,10,6,90,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569637661509625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613115381776754,0.2762594986200817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219610122588227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261936111727542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977557503466586,0.13664497896717345,0.0,0.4330410254489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638190618173149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167107683470692,0.0,0.0,0.1449132322958415,0.08585248798687016,0.2534086706919912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32343176945032376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760333729928005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293930304761904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455170832549862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198603410135407,0.0,0.0,0.10236408368559176,0.0,0.1607415026906823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945589258234346,0.2638044741758063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287128151804312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511037105455109,0.0,0.09677471759412623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799504631782746,0.11629554741055745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003594323773774,0.0,0.0,0.11992701377175966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431298112449208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582362680415844,0.0,0.13631070847502952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cxlxpxdx,2019/03/14,"I ""fall in love"" too easily I didn't want to admit it but it's true. I justify it with the fact that I have high standards and that I *barely* fall in love but when I do I fall hard. (However, I would say I fall in love once a year, haha). 

​

**Present situation**: I was in a different country and I honestly had no plans to meet anyone new (for romantic purposes) but I ended up meeting him. We hung out basically everyday till I left and when I left, I thought that it was the end of it and that was good and I was happy to meet him. He surprised me by telling me how much he missed me and how he wanted to visit me in my country. For a week or so, it seem like everything was going fine. It was moving quite fast and he said we'd take it slow. I thought he was different as in, I was able to completely be myself and it was nice not having a ""filter"". Whenever there was an issue, he'd always say ""we'd get through it together"". 

​

A few days later, he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. This is understandable because neither was I. However, I still felt hurt by this and I told him I needed some time but long story short, I didn't take the time and we continued speaking as we normally did which is from morning to night. I was under the impression that things would be platonic now but he was flirty and it made me feel like ""maybe he still likes me?"" but I didn't want to assume so I asked him and he told me he wasn't sure how he felt about me because of distance and what not. Again, that's understandable but I think you either like someone or you don't. And ""not sure"" to me translated as ""you make me feel good therefore I'm talking to you. I have no regard to your feelings whatsoever. I do not in fact like you, I like the attention you give me"". OK, I know that this probably isn't what ""not sure"" meant but either way it hurts because essentially, it's rejection. I wasn't sure of how things would turn out between us but I knew for a fact that I definitely liked him. After this, again, I did not give myself time. We continued talking like usual and I knew that I needed to stop liking this person because I do love talking to him and I would be happy to just be friends. However, all the flirting and the things he would say to me and well the fact that he is just himself and I like him for him, resulted in me liking him more. 

​

**Yesterday, I messaged him saying:** ""I didn't think I needed time but I do need it. So, I'm going to distance myself from you now. I hope we can talk as friends soon."" He left that on read. I know that he's giving me what I wanted but I miss him and I hope that these feels will fade soon so we can talk again. 

​

***I understand that, honestly speaking, it wasn't love.*** Love, I believe, takes time to blossom. I am deeply infatuated and as good as he is, I am romanticising him because I romantise my ex, who was lovely but also so bad for me. If I look at it, logically, he knew how I felt about him yet he led me on even when I said ""let's just be friends"". He wasn't giving me his all, he was just giving me the bare minimum and I found that ""good"". I know I deserve better, yet, here I am giving my heart away to someone who doesn't want it. So, I know that my decision for time and space, is the best for me. 

​

**I want to prevent this in the future, haha. Does anyone have any suggestions/tips/tricks/miracles/hElp?** I feel like the way I dealt with it was unhealthy. I would date multiple people (5-6) at a time so that I would not catch feelings for any of them. This isn't what I want.   

​

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bpd,PsychoticPangolin,2019/03/14,"Can't get a BPD diagnosis Doctors and psychiatrists have no problem diagnosing me with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, but they don't think I have BPD because I'm self-aware. I exemplify nearly all the symptoms; just because I can acknowledge my thoughts and behaviors are irrational doesn't mean I don't have it. It's not that important for me to have to PROVE it, I guess. I'm not sure it would bring me any comfort, especially because there's no real ""cure"", but it still frustrates me. I don't like being invalidated 😔",6.591133333333333,7.001736380000002,7.666,69.78633333333336,65.2,11.466666666666667,37.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,4.439466666666666,418,21,77,12,6,142,66,100,0.243,0.723,0.033,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,13,3,0,0,3,20,21,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,1,0,12,3,5,18,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,51,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352350025887792,0.0,0.15213116180310352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636787294729322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009269496363374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712821118441757,0.20184376387585395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354672887144548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389874175599413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907219055151586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715538188388058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662225738966034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028692408052836,0.2324625141768108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635187899893286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074595400992449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881382617561995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742788576962272,0.2066968533974983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742464636985956,0.0,0.1578765769714821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126797275307476,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jess_611,2019/03/14,"Quitting my job tomorrow I’ve been employed with the same company since 2008. Over the last year I’ve become increasingly unhappy. Pay, boss, company in general. I started searching for a new job and after a few interviews I was landed an offer at a company I was highly interested in. The pay increase alone is substantial and it’s time. I’m terrified to make this change. I’m dreading the last two weeks of thinking everyone hates me for leaving. 

I have a signed offer, my background check is complete and yet I’m still worried it won’t work out and I’m going to be unemployed. Just looking for support from people that can relate to the extreme emotions of life. ",3.7030052493438324,6.17299855905512,5.168996062992129,76.85354658792652,75.22047244094489,8.32782152230971,32.63057742782152,9.075114841892004,3.4174467191601057,535,28,90,13,12,179,88,127,0.156,0.768,0.076,-0.8522,5,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,1,10,0,9,1,0,2,0,13,20,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,2,0,1,3,1,7,2,16,15,4,21,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,11,56,11,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941724160953292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705658612399944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983286512325993,0.0,0.1965688861635634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088941518767654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791448763736223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654902729479117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509737809185245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980825839689252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720893239646047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056419369835968,0.0,0.1985139199103829,0.0,0.0,0.13242244823312407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743572015095628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251441477001829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106905115678645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997480992760546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994077257683908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508513546924027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269908828505622,0.0,0.14972152120147744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127497284737173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012941412266315,0.0,0.0,0.10932091388126644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314041354096705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038489730127005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648744590704415,0.1903947238827919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073077246000592
bpd,0Jiminie_Crickets,2019/03/14,"Decided to vent ig I’m a demon I ruin everything I touch I don’t deserve anything because I ruin everything.
I’ve been crying for help since 4th grade but no one seems to notice. 
I feel like I’m suffocating 
I should stop now because it keeps getting worse I don’t have anywhere else to go. 

I want to hide I want to die I can’t do this anymore I can’t keep pretending. 

I’m a demon I was born to fail I was born to suffer in silence while the world goes on without me. 

I was born to be nobody’s favorite for no one to notice me or care.

 I’m just darkness that keeps growing until everyone stops caring and

 now everyone’s laughing at me, everyone watches me cry and rolls their eyes at me.

 I’m a demon, I am the devil I’ll suffer alone until I die.

I’m so scared I’m so sad Im so tired just want to sleep forever 

  I’m a demon who should be locked away and forgotten 

  I am the devil and I’ll cry until I can’t anymore ",-0.07428892889289074,1.9055955495049552,2.9453645364536456,90.29961296129616,86.07920792079206,5.652925292529253,21.55805580558056,6.980632752743323,0.6494079207920791,719,25,159,10,22,256,101,202,0.364,0.514,0.122,-0.9965,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,7,13,0,1,7,0,17,3,2,0,0,22,37,13,2,5,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,3,1,0,2,8,9,0,2,4,4,24,4,21,29,0,19,6,6,2,0,3,6,0,2,12,91,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413904110458207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377382638510179,0.0,0.0,0.0986347492096787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126126232773285,0.0,0.0,0.1461313565561022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441096734565054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949824740162203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487919720193852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012783459844833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435947332637944,0.21544527617965206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606049291830539,0.08562816590051528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626220184747109,0.0,0.06811932582899705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033977965593128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294696069013826,0.0,0.0,0.3196118152650836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058557649654106224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729233122930312,0.0,0.0,0.16244077564372875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000099110218684,0.0,0.0,0.109116243651138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914961349233996,0.0,0.11994678271467647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004170236441288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776169199956606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120899916218136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554097591502267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214780524245662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bbatgirliee,2019/03/14,"what are the chances of misdiagnosing BPD as bipolar disorder + mood stabilisers not working? i've been officially diagnosed with bipolar type 2 for about 3 years now and recently i've been looking at my symptoms and realising that they're not so much just bipolar symptoms now but something more (i can check all of the 9 boxes on the list
of stereotypical BPD). i know the two can be similar at times and i've been thinking if the reason why i never felt better on medication (mood stabilisers) was because i DONT have bipolar? 
 i'm fairly new on the BPD topic so if someone could enlighten me on what type of treatment is even used on patients and what the exact criteria for someone with BPD is + how doctors diagnose it i'd very much appreciate it.
 ALSO: i'm not trying to self-diagnose, just try educate myself on the topic. i've got a doctor's app in a week so i'm actually going to see a specialist regarding my problems :)",4.446771902131019,6.1447591270718265,6.337225730071032,72.65504143646409,70.9889502762431,9.591318074191005,33.92304656669297,9.957137785484203,3.7810770323599048,746,38,131,20,14,259,111,181,0.048,0.871,0.081,0.7696,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,0,11,0,13,11,0,3,3,26,24,13,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,11,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,6,3,8,1,21,16,4,18,0,0,2,0,0,9,0,2,8,85,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.11438878731870733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937399529118985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145558465486868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367063662532364,0.0,0.0,0.5905326622899212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358979432765037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569243040370245,0.0,0.0,0.1343430734306728,0.23995712705839214,0.0,0.0,0.1373797377865915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774220117388519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254857552301747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661823126972431,0.0,0.0937507034169174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644204700303833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843439664741764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180857612588808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233883301142616,0.0,0.09040648147231233,0.11321079349113905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216270551805334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052060460602435,0.11573957289467734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340832770497152,0.0,0.12228493058837282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863847389685785,0.09024087542134543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367074523019397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510917082498125,0.0,0.0,0.06835131308529413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591679467999555,0.0,0.11450588272711087,0.0,0.0,0.10123953798512804,0.0,0.09671791088856796,0.0,0.0,0.09402597210176043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577187120212816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533679253300851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548516138829478
bpd,lonedarklingangel,2019/03/14,"Without my favorite person For the first time in almost two years I'm going to be without my fp for almost a week.  I live with her, her son and her wife. I'm also madly in love with her and have been for years. She says she loves me too and can't wait to leave her wife but she's stuck right now. I'm trying to trust that she wont be intimate with her wife. Even though I know she wont have much choice given much more time. She asked me for five years to get everything together so she can leave her wife. I don't know how to explain to her that me thinking she'll leave me is about my own self worth. She thinks I don't trust her, giving her more reason to sleep with her wife. Something she says she doesn't want to do.",2.0616666666666674,3.0977211910828046,2.9660031847133794,97.10063959660296,75.94267515923569,5.997664543524418,18.815817409766453,5.985473137389443,-0.4484857749469216,565,9,138,3,12,179,82,157,0.063,0.812,0.125,0.8671,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,2,0,15,3,1,2,0,21,33,8,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,2,7,0,1,6,0,1,1,8,1,0,3,3,2,33,4,21,25,5,12,0,0,0,2,37,3,0,2,8,91,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887941909468131,0.0,0.0,0.11531798575075285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480905164226498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524381194096253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959912050644407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265782679057435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533939627335699,0.1383313364994065,0.08195310543331101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849888151752195,0.0,0.0,0.4580660928058269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273326749348272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602951893856372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120095697956172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259112950181212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826328510845166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123147398069655,0.0,0.2293498367511281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043374191125547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443057636078055,0.0,0.0,0.11101345437792813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479715472198927,0.14167736236756548,0.0,0.1681702519271206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790343631975544,0.0,0.14086403227781308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085053853333614,0.0,0.11566984379885685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780104372965112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27858335197425993
bpd,staringatsilence,2019/03/14,"If you could rename BPD what would you name it? **serious** I would call it a ""fundamentally damaged self image"" caused in part by childhood trauma, I would like to see mental health move in a direction of calling things something that can be more understood by the general public. Dr.Phil does this and i think he is very wise to do so.",1.1987500000000004,3.830568875000005,2.5778750000000024,87.97962500000001,94.625,5.6850000000000005,20.4625,7.1686216300943375,0.9760175000000002,264,9,50,5,10,85,54,64,0.087,0.823,0.09,0.0498,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,11,11,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,2,7,5,2,4,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,1,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27294467438316594,0.0,0.4425800336856707,0.0,0.0,0.22262577216909785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730291146931128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964856122034668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303576732461761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587589305035183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839752272601096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033351057023324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346809841126898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726936186137161,0.0,0.22608077549502295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683762257904391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439756678053519,0.13886207814157675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788123867163159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618438778570469,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kymiikat,2019/03/14,"New therapist doesn’t think I have BPD. This was our 6th session and I felt like asking her opinion so far. I was diagnosed by Kaiser and they aren’t that great so now with seeing a separate therapist I wanted a professional opinion. She thinks I’m to aware and self knowing to have BPD, because I can notice my mistakes after they have happened. Because I can look back rationally on an engagement where I was in the wrong and pin point why I was in the wrong. 
But the thing is, I’ve been seeing professionals since I was 10. And I’ve been on my own with no friends, school or job for about a year now, I’ve had time to reflect and look back. I am self aware. But not in the moment. Not when it counts. Who cares if the next day I can see I was the instigator when they don’t want anything to do with me anymore? I’m knowledgeable when it comes to this yes, only because I’ve been seeking treatment for so long I can think like a therapist. 

I became obsessed with the diagnosis when I first was diagnosed, it’s just validated all my shitty behavior and I felt like it gave me a solid excuse to continue hurting others. Now I am blinded by it and I can’t see straight. I am hiding behind this label instead of doing anything about it. 

I am still obsessed and now I feel weird after our session. 

I always have a very fake personality with others and since I don’t know this woman I act very professionally with her. I can’t just start crying or screaming , yes I have cried on certain touchy subjects but I calmed down. 
I’m older now since my last professional meeting and I do have better control AROUND STRANGERS. But once I get home I turn into an angry monster. 
I guess I just don’t know what I’m doing or what I am, what if I don’t have BPD and then I don’t have an excuse for all this? I don’t understand my own behavior and if I can no longer blame the confusion on a disorder what am I going to do? 
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bpd,freyaaeve,2019/03/14,"Never been in a good relationship and I'm so stuck in what to do As a bit of background me and my bf have been together for nearly a year now. I love him with my whole heart and I have never been in such a healthy and supportive relationship.

However, this is where it gets a little complicated. In short we spent a few months in the summer basically moved in together it was amazing I've never felt love like it before, he really cared about me to the point where he would jokingly do and up and undo my shoe laces for me. It was a dream we went of so many adventure and I felt the happiest I had felt in a long long while. After those 2 months he had to go away with work for 5 months this was super difficult but he still managed to make me feel just as loved as before he went (video chatting everyday at any hour if I was struggling, talking whenever he could, just being super caring and making sure I was ok) 

But when he gets back it's almost like something's changed like he doesn't like me that much anymore. I've noticed so many small things like he way more short and quick to get annoyed with me now, especially if I'm upset if I cry in front of him now or over the phone he just seems pissed off. He never really wants to do anything unless I plan it before and never says he misses me or anything (we live 3/4 apart and only see each other once every 2ish weeks now). There's loads of small other things as well that makes me think he just doesn't like me as much.

I love him to bits and I've tried mentioning how I feel to him before but he kind of brushed it off an nothings changed he even seemed a little annoyed. I'm scared this is all in my head and my fear of getting abandoned is just taking over and I really want for our relationship to be healthy and I don't know how to deal with this non-toxically.  The more I talk about my mental health to him now the more he seems fed up but then also seems annoyed if I keep stuff from him. I just don't know what to do I just feel like he hates me and the only reason he hasn't broken up with me is because he feels sorry for me and is scared I couldn't handle it.

Idk I just really need help or some tips I love this boy with my whole heart and I want to do whatever is best for him and us as a couple. I just want this to be a healthy happy relationship.

Thanks x",3.354763388043608,4.077077183299391,4.5337085180304335,88.27944620821856,72.48268839103868,7.731664070923685,23.402479932910023,7.928766900206844,0.9104608362285852,1831,44,411,24,34,603,214,491,0.129,0.7040000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9678,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,5,0,0,5,32,41,5,5,19,1,34,12,5,6,7,90,83,46,0,13,21,0,7,7,1,1,1,1,0,1,24,29,1,2,15,4,1,5,11,13,1,0,18,10,52,28,62,59,14,62,0,2,1,5,50,29,1,13,34,270,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597346380863305,0.0,0.0,0.05268753456895467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044803484339736736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653393776866336,0.0,0.0,0.1084340909577142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061900331948339424,0.05066084804222469,0.0,0.040162369082760524,0.0,0.2242502516080583,0.0,0.0691413554428351,0.0,0.14385686578594706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434657297035327,0.0,0.13939339911693255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052603136344370166,0.07289956384333084,0.07237065006223165,0.0,0.06792367034995506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351586269434747,0.0,0.0555102417461235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413799072392925,0.1332520324972092,0.047067653155687283,0.18977736107235332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768700588080662,0.0,0.037443483316500534,0.05526050296156397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701349076008763,0.0,0.06504696255306955,0.06761615011989598,0.0700317753762558,0.0,0.15614608065977764,0.044160759998562095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648826208531153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856086373430865,0.0,0.06860820840911358,0.07241641661297027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531368974009475,0.13206646244145553,0.05817691549769699,0.1166108069992855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29731510873183165,0.0,0.1319345542293435,0.133592383519248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639573164091511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776431070688127,0.0700244296036133,0.09686486860513746,0.04885226576390015,0.2540696079881114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321762317053332,0.0750095466019576,0.0,0.07016447434106952,0.0,0.10021573673727836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228182166518236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168828305791156,0.06773988384034299,0.0,0.2829397020057952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052393724073221085,0.13192306452291905,0.0,0.05250114110478978,0.23991383936870345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072084096056086,0.0,0.07375191697360245,0.0,0.0,0.05261517090830038,0.0,0.0,0.06887642329129258,0.07542159428325586,0.0,0.07476455779043124,0.062095035931222835,0.0,0.04953668481728709,0.10591037551674376,0.0,0.06065727766968804,0.0,0.0,0.0875410094684849,0.04221590593293775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473101617180207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925052578948609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554407253495869,0.05229577520559064,0.052848294687613984,0.0,0.05923776728527521,0.12215054261630567,0.0,0.14711461133281767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047964449169420185,0.0,0.0,0.04680221306457756,0.0,0.0,0.04242723541611768
bpd,rurukachu,2019/03/14,"DAE insist everything is okay? For example my boyfriend went to two parties the other night and I wasn't invited so I just kept messaging him all night encouraging him to have fun and mentioning that he should take me to a party sometime cause I've never been to one. Really just being pitiful and jealous of the girl he went to the parties with but hiding it under a veneer of ""I'm so happy you're having fun!!"" And when he asked if I was jealous of his friend I was like ""Pssshhh nah"" but in reality I totally am cause she's prettier than me. Idk I guess because I'm so worried about being the crazy girlfriend I just go out of my way to assure him that I'm okay when I'm not. Anyone else?",1.6607792207792222,3.7528793986014013,3.906858141858145,85.24512237762238,80.18881118881119,6.882917082917084,24.200299700299702,7.957251820313856,1.4845768231768233,546,20,110,10,14,188,91,143,0.129,0.65,0.221,0.9425,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,2,0,6,2,11,0,0,2,4,22,22,12,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,7,0,16,9,17,12,2,12,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,2,6,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409771312633961,0.2065831344233837,0.0,0.0,0.18848713483018087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290545340619455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142377917373456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842732730231205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812027204641536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577082387464194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458508049260385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210675021421306,0.0,0.0,0.21462784230991333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985011656738566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550148599135685,0.0,0.0,0.3784127241729878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366226773819182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291626959822975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199406966751284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159286782018558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695307934609704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003627549029434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738068288036817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475451832250866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moppingonion,2019/03/14,"Spiralling since my dad's death and I don't know what to do... The last few months have been the classic ""do I even have BPD?"" because everything was going great for once, I was on top of my uni work, I'd just got my job back, I felt ""normal""... Then 2 weeks ago I got the news that my dad had passed away. I'm pretty positive he's responsible for my BPD but I had forgiven him, we had a strained relationship and I only saw him a couple of times a year but at the end of the day he's still my dad and I'm grieving, the funeral is tomorrow..

I'm just really beginning to struggle again. It's hard to fall asleep at night and even harder to get up the next day. I'm in my last semester ever of university and I have no motivation to get any work done, and when I try I just get distracted. I keep flipping between feeling empty and numb and then feeling way too much at once, it kind of feels like he's abandoned me one last time. I'm on medication (quetiapine) but at the minute I'm not getting any therapy and haven't been offered any by my psychiatrist who I haven't seen since before this happened but I'm really struggling to take control of things before I end up in crisis. Idk where I'm really going with this, all I know is that I'm spiralling :( ",2.7195801526717567,3.9115186297709954,4.606786259541988,85.3667442748092,74.53435114503816,8.140763358778626,25.69541984732825,8.697196308434329,1.6687932824427485,979,33,215,19,20,335,138,262,0.18,0.733,0.087,-0.9824,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,5,12,10,0,4,11,0,18,3,1,2,2,33,47,16,3,1,8,3,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,11,0,3,7,0,0,4,5,7,0,1,13,7,26,3,28,34,3,42,0,2,2,0,12,13,0,0,25,125,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610064237844516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211715075820776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018565850298011,0.08336208892387242,0.0,0.06608691153531357,0.0,0.18450114968634865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730820830867566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159320760884593,0.0,0.11995574804737112,0.0,0.13983346341908415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109430530223371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204159848606214,0.0,0.0,0.14321012599322125,0.0980648051761715,0.0,0.0,0.09743365998330156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644490007312059,0.07744951060693074,0.10409246233084207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265630535503668,0.0,0.12322600613586494,0.0,0.17341386185593527,0.11952454504871113,0.0,0.0,0.09586831927964193,0.0,0.09711580272246398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758212083695323,0.09636151226701492,0.0,0.11289435118695935,0.11916073248926065,0.26511059855512803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296459710782317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921362263829842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653337509075344,0.0,0.07969524891816332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152973266216638,0.10173726036226816,0.10622068180678212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309103528800759,0.07346273532726291,0.08245216454431786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029391636499243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835439176569065,0.0,0.0,0.11639385003505215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935895183764194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657791421783458,0.0,0.0,0.22667139398777705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151228580482303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397849999822025,0.0,0.07202407478172304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643174646203326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736045899717472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605235071070574,0.08696151784810173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785036498059304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698137340418109
bpd,brepleasance,2019/03/14,"I need some help to cope with abandonment issues I am always so paranoid that i’m going to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend because of my abandonment issues. The tone of her voice could change and my thoughts instantly believe that she is going to leave me or that she doesn’t love me, but my rational brain knows that she won’t leave and that she does love me. I overthink asking her for reassurance because she might see me as insecure or clingy and it just creates this whole spiral. 

I would just like some self care tips on how to ground myself, how to understand that my thoughts are just simply thoughts and how to not push people away. ",13.935564516129027,8.044461750000009,11.725806451612904,66.20870967741936,56.5,14.980645161290324,45.516129032258064,11.20814326018867,4.8549741935483866,523,18,98,8,4,160,76,124,0.10400000000000001,0.728,0.168,0.9184,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,8,3,1,3,0,29,22,12,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,2,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,2,22,5,14,15,3,6,0,3,1,2,15,3,0,5,1,71,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509783987730092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178615875213589,0.0,0.1525440476740281,0.0,0.0,0.19794822260971376,0.0,0.0,0.18292589977240736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812492178715526,0.0,0.0,0.1655384501745119,0.0,0.17175702174007984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963250899875456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208371153375615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454765344007693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882754367398326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389266103097249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922967745480373,0.0,0.0,0.34383493706885776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793216660845992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930753273403993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172239977065299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203890532265973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256107534466543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431557324954375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293811570883632,0.0,0.16937853618325496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866908722384171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690241292701966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812709041966736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533700702819034,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SmashleyMCubed,2019/03/14,"DAE feel like their significant other is viewed as a victim for being with someone with BPD, when that's not what's happening in your case? Even though it's been five years of a really happy relationship, having BPD and having a boyfriend makes me feels like a cruel person and that's partially because of the stigma alone. 

I know learning I have BPD has explained some of intense/impulsive stuff I've done while by his side. Yet this whole time, he's been patient, honest and stuck to his guns. We've worked through issues when they arise, and he's been honest with me constantly. He's the smartest, most responsible and respectful man I've met, and he is not by any means a victim. 

I've gotten therapy, work on my physical health daily to keep the body working better, have a discord server for BPD to help feel less alone, work on my self care, educate myself of my illness and I'm working on my *shit.* 

We've lived together for over 4 years, I've never ghosted him, I work so hard to listen to his concerns, I always thank him when he sticks to his boundaries and I listen to him when he has an issue with something I've done and I work to not do it again. 

I love him, but apparently because I have BPD I'm not capable of giving him a healthy relationship. I see and hear people give him a hard time and tell him to ""give up on me"" because dating someone with BPD apparently equals instant abuse and I'll never change? This hurts so much... The stigma is horrid. 

I'm not abusive. I'm not evil, or incapable of love or growth. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. Rant done. ",4.117127926421404,5.443258028846158,4.942101449275366,83.79130434782611,71.27564102564101,7.733779264214048,26.706243032329983,8.18289091462,1.646053065774805,1243,41,245,18,23,403,162,312,0.109,0.7090000000000001,0.182,0.976,2,2,1,1,1,0,39.0,0,1,2,8,10,18,5,0,13,0,18,6,2,1,2,40,47,24,1,0,9,0,5,2,0,0,2,3,0,3,9,18,0,1,7,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,9,10,32,12,36,37,6,25,0,1,2,2,37,8,1,4,17,149,41,8,0.0,0.17929732896364595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156728766277351,0.0,0.0,0.06295794549627624,0.0,0.0,0.05145365383550635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138370977154029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691805994503604,0.0,0.08404489410748156,0.5717718350294057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771437998793351,0.0,0.08004176249698537,0.06517725255616483,0.0,0.08176517162289353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322895456681927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049974910845104505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477294769641568,0.10810778527662347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774946007811352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690882611327216,0.0805450136448454,0.13555895015232722,0.0,0.0,0.08042657353102141,0.0852780633836366,0.0,0.05071553008799407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099915153151717,0.0,0.0,0.15794570126729715,0.0,0.06725303746568119,0.0,0.0,0.04158258322229272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739305548417891,0.0,0.06681209989244319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657820511237034,0.0,0.050505855234996136,0.0,0.0,0.08241953955283432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055621247894889016,0.0,0.11671243745610788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524554208489782,0.06606629464623534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847186179730165,0.0,0.0,0.1624681840918296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060293871786642375,0.0,0.078933346817014,0.0,0.07766731312885583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821857505959838,0.058249322156308986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661640185271925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613307877047937,0.13932124314948566,0.08652760328433927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433883009089794,0.0,0.08823978351544845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844753973626813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855865989533464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974493978077635
bpd,imb7,2019/03/14,"BPD reflection on another assault I'm not sure if this is where I should be posting, but I've been faithfully following this thread ever since I was diagnosed 8 years ago. So here goes.

I did it again. Even though logically I know that I am not at fault, I also purposefully ignored the lessons I've learned from the previous 3 assaults. I knew that I was giving in to my self destructive, impulsive tendencies by reaching out to him and going back out that night. I was already safe at home, but I was alone and feeling confident and conscious of my current state of mind so I thought I'd indulge in chasing the extreme high feeling I could get and avoid the cliff I easily would have fallen into if I would have stayed home alone in that vulnerable state. 

It didn't need to end the way it did. Yes, I flirted. Yes, I ended up at his home. Yes, I clearly was dancing with a dangerous line, but I was resolute that I knew and refused to cross that line. He asked what was happening tonight and I said nothing. I said 'nothing is going to happen' and I went to leave. Before I knew what was happening I was being kissed, I pushed back, and it spurred him on more. I physically fought as my pants were ripped off of me. I was slapped and was told to slap back which did nothing other than further encourage the behavior.

It's been about a month or two since it transpired and I am apathetically torn between shrugging at myself for allowing my BPD self-destructive, impulsive characteristics to take over resulting in getting what I deserved, or logically knowing that going back there did not give consent to what transpired. 

I'm not asking for anything. Just wanted to reflect. I was drawn to the fire of putting myself in a dangerous position and couldn't resist the flame even with the knowledge of the burn it would give me.",5.779707238071508,6.745889163323781,6.185132677214407,77.74465304596988,67.10888252148997,9.507960632864084,34.65815373115734,9.653516015845867,3.332078260869565,1454,68,269,30,23,469,185,349,0.15,0.7090000000000001,0.141,-0.1307,1,3,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,18,15,6,1,13,3,34,2,0,2,3,62,66,23,0,10,12,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,22,16,0,4,16,1,0,10,6,9,0,1,29,5,41,6,43,29,1,49,1,0,0,1,16,20,0,4,14,193,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617835043864734,0.0,0.0,0.2013781302974548,0.10728305218098752,0.0777456137758774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019420928343286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000255681639183,0.0,0.18177238171892746,0.0,0.0,0.2990201578169885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272579839471379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244886640425255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762107593546415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867474940653648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221350204878452,0.0,0.0,0.1284238285900867,0.0879397154588148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831320765085698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158532628962348,0.2797825835380647,0.16575457266110874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257910043378592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102716702007166,0.2925543010106492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685751009390454,0.0,0.0,0.10294037338945494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816298936571384,0.0,0.07759889360409207,0.0,0.0,0.07208629929696203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123299344494253,0.0,0.2798513702560644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310846662978448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773146259444132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849541470009236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284023383431554,0.0,0.0,0.1608403255506195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362200492636682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162730274634412,0.0,0.0730962265942022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955167003976382,0.07718064393311869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289646022321024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496836575045783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057342000802178474,0.07716753449381643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012254024082694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071837377024849,0.0,0.0,0.06260553820226239
bpd,Mordicant855,2019/03/14,"End of a 14 year relationship, spiralling out of control. So my relationship is in the process of ending and I have no idea what to do. I've been with this girl for 14 years overall and married to her for 8. I wont go into details over why we divorcing but it's irreconcilable. There's no bad blood between us, it's all really amicable, but tbh that's just making it worse. My emotions are all over the place even more than usual, I'm finding I'm trying to force myself into other relationships. Suicidal thoughts are becoming really prevelant. I haven't felt this bad since before I started therapy and I feel firmly back at square one and like there's only going to be one inevitable outcome.

Friends are all saying they're there for me, and I really appreciate all of them, but none of it seems to help. The few DBT skills I know aren't helping. I'm getting maybe 3 to 4 hours sleep a night, not eating properly, and self care is practically non existent.

I just honestly have no idea what to do or where to go. I feel completely lost.",3.491687607081669,5.305474228155344,5.17471730439749,79.54529697315822,73.70873786407769,8.536379211878929,27.6516276413478,9.168548406835145,2.4107307824100523,825,32,160,19,17,280,132,206,0.14800000000000002,0.746,0.105,-0.8619,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,1,3,9,7,0,0,5,0,14,3,2,2,4,33,31,11,1,0,7,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,10,11,1,1,9,0,0,3,8,3,0,2,4,5,17,4,26,25,7,21,0,1,1,0,14,9,0,2,10,104,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524808949598353,0.20685191239809397,0.0,0.1368042600897187,0.10540392068081138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262933300592747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298749367584087,0.0,0.13893030836844175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674954232552826,0.0,0.13933664678613944,0.21942342851144667,0.0,0.0,0.08181471381907263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526440049165172,0.0,0.11893425771755213,0.0,0.11321458589600185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570135886064277,0.0,0.06471676237850628,0.0,0.2111938738371815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605438649775042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198662115961115,0.0,0.0,0.2796674403747593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807550206010847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605164379943936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521831954151448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268393124394134,0.0,0.1244436795344524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624324444305625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167874516567377,0.09420842554493332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941738551276102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380621456343639,0.0,0.0,0.3989688354035217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985060912402145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127662471444872,0.12922302554239007,0.0,0.0,0.10246622725672414,0.0,0.12395907420561435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767555250111993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549325619986208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165570244037642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098338639566883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409933896146035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899989764698068,0.0,0.13642488301244246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177306270081497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623372225097576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953594431002655
bpd,WinoREALTOR,2019/03/14,"I think I really need some help, but I have no insurance Hi everyone..I need help....there, I said it...I need actual help beyond the current meds that I'm on, but I have no insurance. My husband was in the hospital over Christmas and we racked up $15k in bills..we are strapped for cash but I really want to talk to someone. Is there anything or anyone out there that will not cost $100+ a session? ",0.6591834002677395,2.8101428433734985,2.9343775100401612,90.45034805890228,84.42168674698793,7.062382864792503,22.475234270415,8.167268648758528,1.3387627844712182,308,11,68,7,9,105,57,83,0.073,0.8240000000000001,0.102,0.2998,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,14,13,5,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,8,0,10,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,1,40,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.2365909660372641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952290823844124,0.0,0.19951125618504512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875165341590913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26930130618081216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5393088183222144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106324502791452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306203431065043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542253105842506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486779365924264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534871642820586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300011233969034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,doremi_done,2019/06/10,Just got diagnosed yesterday...need some reassurance that I’ll be okay So title says it all. I was diagnosed last night after having a meltdown that ended up with me in the hospital. After talking to the doc and hearing what bpd is a lot of things make sense now in my life like why I do the things I do and react the way I do etc. Even though it’s reassuring to finally know what’s wrong with me I also feel worse now like Am I crazy? Is there something seriously wrong with me/my mind? How could I have put my friends and family through so much? Is everything that I thought I was the victim of now actually my fault? Is everything my fault? Will I ever be okay? Sorry for all the questions I just feel like my life has been flipped upside down. I’m just not sure how to handle this diagnosis yet and want to know how other people have. Does therapy actually help? Do people get over/through this? Will I finally get to be happy/normal if I get through therapy? Am I going to be okay?,2.149806929383761,4.2731970301507545,4.030415234065064,84.82129595345148,78.69849246231156,7.606559111346204,24.041523406506208,8.532816995589336,1.6762502512562816,775,27,159,17,19,262,111,199,0.11800000000000001,0.753,0.129,0.3178,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,17,16,1,0,8,3,24,4,0,5,4,32,38,12,0,3,5,0,2,3,1,2,4,2,0,0,12,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,5,4,21,10,20,26,6,19,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,15,114,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.24196762635297506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914448099417117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614487871534025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898566509508393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516683923891384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849323826234064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980695534821948,0.0,0.13826729263856488,0.08188573743564127,0.11214442879148637,0.0,0.0,0.2228453342514016,0.0,0.11687462207589892,0.0,0.12537314292116014,0.08856929977672444,0.0,0.2716218128105497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095784437518497,0.0,0.19431882962508493,0.0,0.07045907063975199,0.0,0.09915585131394854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139731256928025,0.0,0.08309926942274194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626919724539804,0.10105792317003467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513745308123935,0.1817069175273692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540093832857672,0.0,0.0,0.08275570943095605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518157823740467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113746926093336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634415557794425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719002894083706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463127712464685,0.13888278000605395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859160469528072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544366601632154,0.0,0.1387822677696815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684699540568468,0.0,0.0,0.09964813592447494,0.0,0.0,0.2835573484237967,0.0,0.16472981741250142,0.0,0.12180691909513075,0.09842400765661227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312493441865778,0.09840728994750146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187009325653532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634330615182535,0.0,0.2710990996085004,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ass2Ass69,2019/06/10,"my FP hates me now, and I feel so alone I fucked up really bad. I told my best friend I wanted to kill myself and said some super dramatic stuff, like asking her to take care of my son....I didn’t mean it, and was having a bad episode and she called the police on me. (Rightfully so, I realize now, not like it matters anymore)  In the moment, I just felt overwhelmed and upset and I took it out on her, and I told her to go fuck herself. I hate when I get upset and take things out on the people I love and fuck up everything. She wants nothing to do with me now, which makes sense, I probably wouldn’t want to be friends with me either. Anyways, now I am still suicidal except I feel more sad and alone than ever. I feel abandoned even though it’s my fault and I just wish I wasn’t such a piece of shit. Sorry for just going off, my thoughts are all over the place :( we used to hang out every single day and it’s been two weeks now and she’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. I miss her so much, I fuck up every relationship and friendship I have, but this is the one thing I wish I could just take back more than anything. Thanks for listening, I used to post on my old account here but forgot my password, hope you all have a good day <3",2.480665399239541,3.590641505703424,3.5818460076045646,92.80409980988594,75.00760456273764,6.628821292775665,21.895247148288973,6.961326702584282,0.3474442585551332,968,23,223,9,20,313,145,263,0.163,0.691,0.147,0.1189,0,2,0,0,0,1,34.0,1,1,0,2,21,28,8,3,8,0,15,6,1,4,4,58,55,21,2,9,9,0,4,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,11,21,0,2,7,0,1,4,4,17,0,2,12,6,47,11,31,40,10,34,0,4,0,5,21,15,5,2,16,162,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687501950887568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904641508135953,0.0,0.0,0.0821863351184375,0.0,0.09336705271504148,0.0,0.0,0.07679557965227371,0.1667782797413783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048097431126864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198071258676994,0.0,0.1018263939932035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973984848667562,0.0,0.0,0.1288186514599008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596466559138194,0.09034014927179618,0.16829332142163628,0.0,0.08975871997273609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514952000054018,0.0,0.09589300226664887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432207335819031,0.3693210669871734,0.052179117779421975,0.0,0.11351937903188032,0.08376808760233173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720629981240076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919565858873183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049382451269772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758505307271936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013858629215772,0.09450151825359476,0.06666548863507632,0.0,0.0,0.1087901363476064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341758004398971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166019532771025,0.0,0.1047991044222943,0.0,0.0676760073449063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923882876915645,0.0,0.10434522298689627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564998851676007,0.0,0.10767915510429027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398070751863885,0.0,0.0,0.10722539822106016,0.0,0.08529033820222262,0.09500136065556453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251740826122946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179878413668667,0.0,0.0,0.0797580913971005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143298084243222,0.10924400902845632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252744617357077,0.0,0.0,0.09194893056054047,0.0,0.0,0.13270134285699692,0.0,0.09812395829178368,0.07928739429543366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908643902155149,0.11096172162265358,0.0,0.0,0.09756065610665926,0.0,0.0,0.17251507982874362,0.0,0.0,0.23562891396610736,0.0,0.08011147821265864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296962698959308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luceario,2019/06/10,"Why did I have to beg to go inpatient? TW SUICIDE I just spent over 4 hours at A&E after being grabbed and dragged there by my ex after running away from our house with the intent of committing suicide. The nurses and doctors were really compassionate and supportive and told me they’d do what they can.

However, a man from the mental health service just came to officially chat to me and when I revealed my intense suicidal urges and thorough plans, said that I need to go home and wait for a psychologist to call me in a few days to arrange a weekly meeting. I told him this isn’t urgent enough and I’m really unsafe at the moment and don’t trust myself at home. He said that they can’t wrap me up in bubble wrap and everything is my choice.

I GET THAT. I’m not an idiot. I have self awareness. I also know (from past experience and from previous patterns) that if I am kept safe for a week or so, my urges will subside and I will be able to engage in the psychology side of things again instead of spending the whole time fighting a losing battle against the impulsive dark side of myself. 

I literally had to cry and beg this man not to send me home. I said that if I am sent home, I am extremely likely to attempt suicide. That wasn’t good enough. I kicked off big time and demanded that he send me inpatient. The guy said he’d ‘check for beds’ but again re-iterated he can’t wrap me in bubble wrap.

How condescending and passive is that approach to treating someone with extreme suicidal urges and a high risk of death? If I had a physical illness and went into A&E saying that my physical symptoms had become really bad and I was struggling to manage them at home and could potentially die, I’m sure I’d be offered the right treatment immediately.

I am sick of being treated like an inconvenience. I am sick of working my ass off with DBT and CBT to then be made to feel like I’m being ridiculous when I reach out for that extra support.",4.9484175824175844,5.88849371688312,5.938766233766234,78.85869880119883,68.97402597402598,8.832167832167832,30.91158841158841,9.057496981413335,2.5827162837162843,1551,62,296,28,26,514,200,385,0.179,0.7390000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,2,3,31.0,1,0,4,4,11,21,4,2,19,0,33,7,1,3,2,48,58,31,7,5,9,1,2,3,0,2,6,5,6,4,14,26,0,3,3,1,3,9,7,8,0,0,19,7,42,13,52,28,5,44,0,1,0,1,31,20,1,4,18,202,56,4,0.08650410151209126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691772987261483,0.0,0.187454315694638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812734509115023,0.0,0.07222731148386216,0.0,0.0955369838380131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833035938220406,0.09893764717424347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906648615460168,0.0,0.09502069359135457,0.05578798916953283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977760013323542,0.0,0.0,0.08854061339025764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787637217318028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774430862240278,0.08461761011450862,0.0,0.0,0.043739072881944265,0.06179854740457475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519482271494372,0.0,0.0983245487542462,0.07255553618904433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565266065243629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194981479320116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139633265226338,0.43385333464974185,0.0,0.08518911506510501,0.09981411888196398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754039191335086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267846035235932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677596269980417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818522724324134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717578834237506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414169518172537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257795303640145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662502274782758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387403004094534,0.32914083911169034,0.06879153354281753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902426437206416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329464449477525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043286895450793,0.0,0.4731072343520836,0.19632765855187956,0.08152909194115553,0.08991088329996749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746948127611076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088247447851464,0.0,0.0,0.16531675209326607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877674477206509,0.0,0.0,0.08019016874921632,0.07805649676238048,0.096578740098689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297601615967903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kileem,2019/06/10,"Has anyone else lost a lot of weight and also their appetite while on Lamictal/Lamotrigine? I cannot keep weight on for the life of me right now and I feel awful, my appetite has slowly faded since starting Lamotrigine and now I have no appetite at all. I’m on 200mg and no other anti-depressant/mood stabilizer.",5.575491803278692,6.4531874918032806,6.800122950819674,73.4710040983607,67.52459016393442,9.378688524590164,30.004098360655732,9.516144504307137,2.762177049180328,251,9,45,5,4,85,45,61,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,4,3,0,0,1,8,9,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,7,8,2,10,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,5,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235899436795727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567764603991116,0.2720857614815136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183165015506928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426927189750992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360316578423551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875647188807406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898774949751821,0.22575979060510235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267769198607575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966441660752686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879565551159419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6467329301565258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oliver54323,2019/06/10,"DAE Feel like everybody who is nice to you does it out of obligation? (Possible CW) I get these overwhelming feelings that nobody does any sort of act of genuine selfless kindness to me. I always feel like they do it specifically with the expectation of them getting something out of it.

I was manipulated at a young age by an older man with his heart in the wrong place, and also manipulated by my best friend at the time into doing some things I didn’t want. I’m not sure if these feelings are as a result of that, or if those experiences are what triggered my BPD to begin with.

I understand what selflessness feels like from my perspective. Like even just small things like paying for somebody’s dinner, but I feel like everybody else is trying to manipulate me 24/7. I hope I don’t come across as trying to sound like I’m the only person capable of genuine kindness, thats not what I mean.",4.7647450805008935,6.405351959302326,5.692093023255818,77.81855992844366,70.1046511627907,8.780679785330948,28.34704830053667,9.265573868473778,2.4757311270125224,715,26,132,15,13,235,109,172,0.04,0.758,0.20199999999999999,0.9779,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,1,3,16,0,1,7,0,9,2,1,5,1,34,25,8,0,5,7,0,6,7,1,0,0,1,0,2,15,8,1,0,8,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,2,7,18,14,28,23,2,16,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,6,12,89,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255301279551286,0.1067054652345344,0.0,0.0,0.08720719882543068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345793529235705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161513052307869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046689979941716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244463502189008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712757481505203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470092328690522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254427538021054,0.0,0.0,0.3890502043466232,0.366457051051628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907745290454373,0.0,0.13399960153184262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196432267023294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273706732717206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670832306889865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438559099338373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969031617973415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753185279982404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197370960850897,0.13398289293719695,0.0,0.0,0.14457067060843495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987249658687298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086412975081195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039313639555942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747774333961345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413228807734374,0.0,0.0,0.13350175225613492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563892876244452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402096675085579,0.0,0.0
bpd,ValkyrUK,2019/06/10,"I Tried Every time I was hurt growing up, I always tried even harder after, to make up for it, to be stronger when the truth is I got weaker, I thought keeping it all inside was the big and strong thing to do, that's what being a man meant right? To be stable and rational?

Telling people what I'd seen and what had happened wouldn't be stable, that wouldn't be rational right? Burdening others with problems as small as mine would be weak and if I was weak then I'd be hurt again, I didn't want to be hurt again

So I didn't, but the less I spoke the less I could speak, a shroud constricting my soul, a knot tighter than the grip of my will, so in the end, how could I speak, how could I tell others of my torment when the very act of sharing was a torment of its own

It became like the way out for those words sealed over and the very thought of them hurt, I'd wake in cold sweats, id cry even when I wasn't sad, i started cutting deep, taking drugs, attempting suicide.

All of those extremes because somehow they were easier than the simple act of saying what had happened to me, what I had been made to do.

Now I'm sitting here with my health catching up with me, but at least it tried right? I tried to be a man",5.168789915966387,4.410948850980393,5.34964985994398,89.14985294117649,68.33333333333333,8.226890756302522,28.410364145658264,6.868970318607317,1.1654481792717082,947,26,217,6,14,299,131,255,0.128,0.772,0.10099999999999999,-0.8397,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,2,14,14,1,0,15,0,31,6,2,4,3,34,46,18,1,9,3,0,1,1,0,4,4,4,0,2,17,9,0,2,3,0,0,4,5,10,0,0,19,7,25,4,33,11,6,31,1,5,1,0,11,14,0,2,12,150,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166255861575668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447906939971026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292649517340087,0.0,0.13420768723528229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168863200528412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821416229771802,0.0,0.0,0.16139590525259914,0.0,0.10294091812374864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771755671422512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160846388182831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987036316719602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5231797782147432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859814133939437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969039575428446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560854549588286,0.08155530533585167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470340406976662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690862188990805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31302011205632074,0.0,0.09716149471455647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647879155168102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364378923550796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186326082347501,0.0,0.2135793328053239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117017332927506,0.0,0.0,0.19399265747362668,0.07124344745661645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318055716199517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162062999155192,0.07206422850079441,0.09697985352464462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679232212904872,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,poetmaverick,2019/06/10,"Dark Phoenix is BPD I never related with Jean Grey until I was diagnosed. I just saw Dark Phoenix and whatever she has, her character, not just the energy in this latest movie, but her entire power and the psychosis behind it, is such a metaphor for BPD. It was really overwhelming for me to watch this latest installment through the lens of diagnosis. It left me feeling so afloat in my own life. DBT skills really helped me today.",6.8229999999999995,7.6333503,7.0225000000000035,73.21250000000002,64.75,11.4,32.25,11.20814326018867,3.874075,344,13,60,10,5,111,59,80,0.018000000000000002,0.945,0.037000000000000005,0.1136,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,9,7,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,10,0,10,4,1,8,0,1,3,0,4,3,0,0,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7014790799682677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28265434288124663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080935230254427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666125825032695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025725514069865,0.0,0.19670075071655824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478322706299616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568066309125369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639692843905232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,footfunfungi,2019/06/10,"i really need help. please. i’m quite young and have had bpd all my life. i’ve pushed and pushed away. i’m still very destructive and a constant liar. 

i started dating my boyfriends months ago but we still fight constantly because of my actions. i lie, act on things, forget promises. i do care about him. i love him. i want him in my life forever. i’ve tried pushing him away and it didn’t work. although i still to this day try to push him away. 

i struggle to not lie. practically everything i say is a lie. but i don’t do it on purpose. he has done so much and i just sit here and get reprimanded because of my mistakes. 

he always tells me i need to work on myself. and i do try but then i give up and again, we fight. and he always talks about how much he’s tried and i’ve done nothing. i’ve tried. i really have. i can’t lose him. i can’t. i see a therapist and i’m starting a new kind of therapy. 

i just i need help. idk how to stop lying to him. or sometimes i can’t even look at him or kiss him or anything. sometimes i feel like when i say i love him i’m lying. 

my friends also think he’s controlling because he’s way too involved in my personal life. he also asked me to stop vaping and i promised i’d stop. but i’ve had slip ups ( he knows about them ) but he said if i did it again, he’d break up with me. there’s certain friends he doesn’t want me hanging out with.  

idk this is all a mess but so am i. i just can’t lose him. but also at the same time i feel like if we ended, i wouldn’t feel anything. i mean he does say i don’t care about him or us, maybe he’s right ? idk. i’m so lost and so young. i have a life ahead of me but i’m fucking it up day by day. please. someone. i don’t want to be a waste of a life.",-1.9042355889724296,-0.0217692987012974,0.7444702665755294,101.75540214171795,99.12987012987013,4.052403736614263,16.36477557530189,5.857318717115812,-0.7166277056277055,1320,37,338,13,57,447,157,385,0.151,0.69,0.158,0.6865,0,0,0,0,2,0,50.0,4,0,1,8,30,24,5,1,9,0,27,9,0,3,3,62,59,39,0,10,18,0,3,2,2,1,5,4,0,1,7,19,0,4,6,0,0,7,11,11,0,0,8,9,65,13,36,48,5,52,0,3,2,4,48,16,1,6,28,200,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124807936122021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282890536065705,0.13375779996636172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228446560282714,0.0,0.07514029342908038,0.0,0.22654643738241656,0.0,0.0,0.1469885757661304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012301970431811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389646885023362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371484065974008,0.09014801869257336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550674978534493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033718926620519,0.16450419582386616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118888443902575,0.0,0.0,0.05308729561824423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223636561769188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192088590656815,0.11484062419645084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419590784459232,0.07430590485611037,0.041992909777098235,0.07710355564687824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774807969391467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369877134771432,0.04417230267672086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838581551780501,0.07853487187344013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749522256604773,0.17983937212794798,0.08773941223307401,0.0,0.14508415177132547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074804756852243,0.08755254160477413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415500066670822,0.0,0.11817056117633352,0.17879236538031973,0.0,0.07762721125759814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712251215400598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018083384195355,0.0,0.17645644473380545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854892956898333,0.0,0.0,0.10298127651996017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686402842632309,0.0764555580179624,0.19175360060898694,0.0,0.0,0.06404891057088401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810194638502014,0.0,0.15898695692938264,0.0,0.11378046214065715,0.0,0.19256406462392464,0.2015926872849331,0.0,0.08402598082623165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460282602678323,0.07025177721106404,0.0,0.09191645121551738,0.0933222135631972,0.053397946870724015,0.05150140981451736,0.0,0.0,0.04686763211337841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27284862711975794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668189552023368,0.0,0.0,0.06631824996022186,0.1422227532700343,0.0637983738809126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702872169205612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,keanureaverbots,2019/06/10,"DAE need everything to be about them Okay so not the best title but

i was talking to my fp the other day and he said some random remark about how he was hungry and that he really loves turkey. I’m pretty sure it’s the use of the word love that really got me because i was waiting for him to say something like but i love you more :-). i ended up getting extremely angry over this and looking back i feel like a crybaby 

can’t believe i got jealous over a piece of meat but whatever. This happens very often with other small things and i was just wondering if anyone else gets like this",1.4328054298642527,3.794628957983196,3.2505882352941207,88.0614932126697,82.94957983193277,6.01447963800905,20.91855203619909,7.321109707123232,0.8190524886877832,462,14,91,7,13,154,84,119,0.078,0.6729999999999999,0.249,0.9784,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,7,10,1,0,6,1,6,3,0,2,1,22,22,10,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,4,12,9,12,14,4,7,0,0,1,3,12,4,0,5,6,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219112277752646,0.17864460235158955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406620685584844,0.0,0.10628358366173644,0.0,0.0,0.1964354103920609,0.1829720507909172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244285186538844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564902887666106,0.0,0.1544244452119723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566966637073196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815779464372245,0.1245573646720304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218382957578336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788910279885217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417922090705152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555392765545483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641207516249086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720794508065298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292800697260557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737903640867445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338917963290386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584902577604127,0.1386519989498432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342249689632818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432504100480294,0.0,0.0,0.14013782695044705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158319643010096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058446386366184,0.0,0.1438589611037922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907770289173886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,curiouscat1092,2019/06/10,"BPD, Relationship(s), and Communication I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeriousConversation/comments/bx39jg/i_set_up_my_first_appointment_with_a_therapist/) in r/SeriousConversation last week about setting up my first appointment with a therapist. That appointment is this Wednesday, 6/12. I'm getting anxious. 

I *need* to do this. I ***want*** to do this. I want to have the best future I can. I realize the thing that is holding me back is ~~me and~~ my past relationship.  

For context, I'm a twenty-six year old young woman who was diagnosed with anxiety and borderline personality disorder when I was twenty-two. I got out of a three-ish year long abusive relationship at the end of June '16 and have been rebuilding my life ever since.  I spent almost a year single. Got a new job. Paid down debts. Spent time practicing self care. 

Then, I met my current SO. We've been together for a little over two years now, and living together for two years. He's wonderful. Compassionate, communicative, hard working, etc. The catch? He thinks that the time that's gone by is enough to heal all of the wounds from my time with my ex. Well, we all know that's not necessarily how it works. I still have the nightmares. I still freak out that my SO is mad when there's a minor change in his tone. I am still healing. 

Anyway, I'm not really sure what Wednesday is going to look like. I'm not sure where to start with the therapist. I'm not sure what (if anything) I should discuss with my SO. How do I help him all that's going on in my head? I'm just feeling uncertain about how to handle this.

​

Any help I can get about how to navigate these uncertain waters would be greatly appreciated.",3.147906260406258,6.205738464285716,4.002337662337663,80.43403762903763,83.1883116883117,7.184948384948385,23.481851481851482,8.222332236545338,1.834412321012321,1349,48,243,31,39,431,174,308,0.099,0.7929999999999999,0.10800000000000001,0.7152,3,0,0,0,0,0,80.0,1,0,0,4,23,13,1,2,15,0,22,7,1,4,7,44,49,16,0,6,6,1,2,1,0,2,5,0,0,3,17,13,1,1,5,0,4,4,4,4,1,3,11,3,30,9,34,35,7,50,0,0,1,0,17,12,0,5,33,159,47,3,0.0,0.11570949754872956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779100295012708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581307589311867,0.1186659147268493,0.06641121166461837,0.0,0.07470857835535327,0.11032644518552552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036472466792469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509345203889158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248669849590801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299761542493845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956947350674124,0.0,0.10330987276802978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912144540495473,0.0,0.0,0.11192524130167612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649655227902654,0.10090746208989343,0.10891517817122516,0.0,0.08833781445814085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937913348328638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306837379386421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204519833413844,0.0,0.11100329059841753,0.0,0.156213042238538,0.10766897527342796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748294300323578,0.0,0.10022592045539573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091703124231396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691111314028604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367062453457177,0.07960481107018046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897917266905905,0.04771106967230227,0.09787959486019307,0.08623435221723368,0.08642480713428609,0.08200864633957139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241263061911281,0.0,0.09431930546079738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024762956056592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322620478872312,0.0,0.0852717416662933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352996432511712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625626138017308,0.0,0.0,0.3145464362059478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187924106653212,0.0,0.0,0.08078422110958401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912327513932763,0.0,0.23397090450365665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27612628584512144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267783738394549,0.06488004889376056,0.06257570155184097,0.0,0.0,0.17083658312251948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861948493676603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520317074243296,0.0,0.07833585571157123,0.0,0.08780682930574353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590660947833924,0.14219327952321978,0.0,0.0,0.06937388294703534,0.0,0.1186659147268493,0.3144447528007751
bpd,villainouskim,2019/06/10,"I get so damn triggered over certain songs/artists Warning: some of this is pretty graphic

Back in February I had the WORST bpd episode of my life. It lasted almost 4 weeks, and I was in a constant state of horrible suicidal/self harm/substance abuse tendencies. I had to get sedated in the ER at one point and I have never had a period of my life where I felt this fucking bad for so long. I permanently scarred my legs and had to throw away my favorite pjs because of how horribly blood soaked they were from SH. I took a ton of prescription sleeping/anxiety pills to die or at the very least knock me out for a while but I literally only slept for an hour before waking up from my anxiety again. That was honestly the worst I've ever been and thinking about it still makes me panic because I CAN NEVER GO BACK TO THAT STATE OF MIND. I genuinely don't think I'd survive it a second time.

Although I've mostly recovered, it has left me damaged. And due to the events and people that put me in that state, I can't listen to some music that I used to love.

The main one is Billie Eilish. I loved her music. Especially the song ""Lovely.""

A few months ago, listening to it resulted in me nearly jumping in front of a train (I only didn't because someone stopped and brought me home out of concern). 

A few weeks ago, listening to it sent me in a panic attack so bad that I hyperventilated until I blacked out.

I hate it. I hate who it reminds me of. I hate them for loving the song so much. And i fucking hate myself for loving them.

That is all. Just really needed to vent. Thank you.",2.654689049121224,4.5858565678233445,4.236082694907619,84.85668375394323,76.38170347003155,7.1784136998648025,25.83246958089229,8.07648339933343,1.6339680937359176,1240,46,247,21,28,414,176,317,0.19399999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9858,0,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,0,1,3,1,13,23,8,2,18,0,17,14,4,5,5,34,45,18,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,18,11,0,1,3,2,0,8,5,15,1,3,14,7,40,8,45,31,12,53,0,1,1,7,15,19,3,5,23,179,58,0,0.0,0.11701773788054184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509448103886033,0.0,0.09889665232946046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110650421298344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235691376097412,0.09279087764029224,0.15188495453506592,0.16492558263544374,0.18061461181240065,0.0,0.08403984681024924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438825702847554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067274730307361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250016721786752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933658373937138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482775151544624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826091870202065,0.1031989467036038,0.0,0.05612916069250468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900311712817216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099067115368715,0.0,0.09726143855880254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050484284505226,0.0,0.0,0.10730604338443396,0.0,0.13951813667162904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740194747935202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456862993557125,0.0,0.06592491883155367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972224806304038,0.0,0.07883150429104166,0.0,0.07260200298993243,0.0732313458146278,0.1523438803308344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384842389677234,0.1502270807365194,0.0,0.2317536723091603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846967239053309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336274477771156,0.0,0.0,0.10047724744451532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928386675447656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326996225948857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030311130818914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368137826962731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887207922971629,0.0825701017202833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092749348967337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265663959659073,0.0,0.0,0.05758936799409939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972907633551793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852993270414953,0.0,0.08148963217183063,0.0,0.0,0.15844308072367452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jaxky101,2019/06/10,"Tired of being dependent on people My FP has found someone he likes better and it hurts. He basically found a girl who is better than me in every way and lacks my mental health issues.

He doesn't spend time with me. He never asks to hang out and we don't have long conversations anymore. He has hung out with the other girl on a weekly basis, while I've been home for a month (I'm a college student back home for the summer).

Times like these are when I wish I didn't have attachment and abandonment issues. I wish I could get over him but I don't know how.",3.737413043478263,4.586642513043479,4.791902173913043,86.31046195652176,71.69565217391305,7.489130434782607,22.20108695652174,7.645422480735847,0.7404130434782612,439,9,93,5,8,144,80,115,0.07,0.826,0.10300000000000001,0.38299999999999995,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,6,0,13,2,0,2,1,21,21,8,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,4,9,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,11,4,13,15,1,18,0,2,0,0,12,6,0,1,12,58,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217643884213612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287717482832075,0.0,0.0,0.12574340642811693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28925553158735456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056428797304678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377799061513561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35860135874139465,0.0,0.0,0.08543694889350549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382326459832434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280650565976501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506075828870224,0.0,0.0,0.341362763800496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987104695368506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978363657639255,0.0,0.0,0.14471767316449718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647983756974856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052697568039592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612334460589306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337014742187786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385572598738662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907096941309898,0.187952080203274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980139832379434,0.1311727863773383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760996603102185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FluidGuess,2019/06/10,"Successful long term relationships? Can anyone share some successful long term relationship stories of theirs? The good, the bad, and the ugly?

Doesn't matter if it's a friend or significant other. I would just like to hear your experiences, and how you're able to manage your BPD throughout, and if they know that you have BPD.",5.545254237288134,8.001641152542376,5.412000000000003,77.27833898305086,69.67796610169492,8.787796610169492,25.359322033898305,9.3871,2.274909152542373,264,8,46,6,5,82,47,59,0.10800000000000001,0.606,0.28600000000000003,0.9164,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,2,2,2,7,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,6,7,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,3,5,3,4,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,4,5,29,9,3,0.2190153725163648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314064082449844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286868777294304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5516843893755616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142390600760498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921073351502172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836997033527592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24684624237837335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036512098817825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699984811771457,0.0,0.0,0.3876434253302775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47028109173503296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555822367776039,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,4BBxx,2019/06/10,"I found this note I wrote to myself in my phone ages ago. Thought it may help a few people here❤️ You set high standards for yourself, you have ambitious goals and you know how you want to achieve them. This can be a good thing! But sometimes you overthink it, you try to do EVERYTHING perfectly and you see anything less than this as pointless. 
It does not do your health and well-being any good to overwhelm yourself with your high expectations. You will be FINE. You know what you’re doing. It won’t be good every day. There will be blips. These are accounted for in your plan for success. Recover from them and keep going. You will reach your goals eventually. They won’t happen overnight. 
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, overthinking, flooded with thoughts of every mistake and every “what if” feeling like they make everything pointless, you need to stop, you need to take a breath, you need to be kind to yourself. This is the point when you have gone too far and you need a mental rest. That’s OKAY. Take a rest. Do what you need to to get through essential tasks, explain to people if you have to cancel non-essentials. Recover fully before you start again.",3.9792986425339407,6.3446954705882375,3.6163325791855208,88.81653506787333,73.93212669683258,6.591945701357466,26.88710407239819,7.554174236665415,1.45835185520362,933,35,177,12,20,279,129,221,0.035,0.7929999999999999,0.172,0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,23,4,7,5,12,0,2,6,1,21,2,1,2,1,38,46,13,0,11,5,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,8,0,2,9,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,5,3,31,9,24,30,4,16,0,2,1,0,31,6,0,4,8,116,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278443779529865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652284910767748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047019738344485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826596953439506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205480299800899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111342515034985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215980414008196,0.0,0.2286977545952331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866572400510662,0.0908953290543554,0.0,0.0,0.1162887189422842,0.0,0.0,0.13950449166394416,0.0,0.0,0.06647402657111585,0.0,0.07230948451449055,0.3201511822006113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251178165651657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524280137847305,0.0,0.0,0.08528164338431002,0.2688574434088989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309059666158595,0.0,0.13249366095540374,0.13984793325472752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215965013362053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492906073341389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282210067993676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717085380242691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641477814210882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027637442716616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138828211094666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583675738932007,0.0,0.09005622024955243,0.0,0.0,0.10637254179537432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913268652607608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452799670156178,0.0,0.0,0.20201768751359608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638290123416442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750453598799793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439780802391265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d3uxy,2019/06/10,My FP who is my (recently) ex boyfriend got the girl he almost cheated on me with pregnant. I don’t know how to react. I’m just in awe. She’s getting an abortion. I also found out he disrespected the one boundary I put up for myself because of this. I’m just lost.,0.4786309523809536,2.553584839285712,3.010714285714286,90.10095238095242,84.53571428571429,5.161904761904762,25.404761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.8917833333333341,205,9,44,2,6,71,47,56,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.8078,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,9,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,8,0,8,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35255942274527463,0.0,0.0,0.281559974285777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462601540784704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860399130625177,0.0,0.0,0.18394839572797406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815922648067625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934951461121343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38433926603465307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385799819957785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539398142039008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34763865519219606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pointlessusername-,2019/06/10,"So much complaining, might as well mention positivity I feel good. I feel in control. 

Today. 

It changes so rapidly, but wait. That is the kind of intro statement I’m trying to avoid. If we feel better, can we just enjoy it instead of saying things like “but it won’t last long” or “I’ll be full of rage again soon” or “my mood will swing just watch”. Is this setting us up for failure? Leading our brains right to the negativity we are trying to avoid? The mind follows whatever you tell it to, so don’t tell it those things. I’m feeling stable. Period. Enjoy.",0.8197575757575777,3.36325176363637,2.610000000000003,89.41166666666668,90.45454545454544,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.4427696969696968,434,15,86,5,15,143,78,110,0.155,0.6509999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.514,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,5,1,0,3,9,12,1,2,3,0,9,1,1,2,0,22,17,9,0,1,7,0,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,4,5,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,0,6,9,7,11,13,2,13,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,4,7,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399795280810768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962363757759334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812173612127155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206573555119521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979047002325163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501372214401092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048713861163063,0.0,0.16036697209696635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611579596752093,0.0,0.0,0.1741061180582529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870694364137946,0.1986483596192153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462438502090594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801238481751524,0.0,0.15645321636543771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439137455094235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26140673787725444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648374070765672,0.0,0.0,0.2671431159042097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366504744173055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689025519805607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ConstructiveFeedbax,2019/06/10,I just want someone to hug me The pain is just too much to bear. It's consuming me.,-2.3980701754385976,-0.6666658947368411,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,102.68421052631581,4.63859649122807,16.859649122807017,6.42735559955562,-0.35817192982456136,64,2,17,1,3,22,16,19,0.152,0.645,0.203,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442251918842517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6430108008144817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120158506387019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35642791364600696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,srryrbyn291118,2019/06/10,"Diagnostic name used in UK? I’ve heard a few times that people in the UK are diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) and not BPD, but the NHS has a webpage on Borderline Personality Disorder, so I’m wondering what I should ask about when trying for a diagnosis? Cheers.",8.703397435897436,9.290789211538463,10.458461538461544,50.953205128205155,60.73076923076921,15.394871794871795,40.4102564102564,14.06817628641468,6.782748717948718,237,12,37,11,3,85,43,52,0.14,0.7829999999999999,0.077,-0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,6,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23181864548177886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123097620393605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516845137238511,0.0,0.0,0.5683906205231534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27893307746312096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191130097035678,0.4330359943398099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445934065151903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683554755350104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416661963796527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689130833171367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,milesonmybones,2019/06/10,"Relapsed again, feels like it's become a norm wasn't particularly triggered by anything I believe but I don't know what came over me. I felt like I was hurting and I hated it and took the closest tool and started cutting even though I spent at least an hour telling myself not to. I feel like relapses have become a norm... I am trying but no longer know how much I can go on. Thought of ending is really constantly in my head even though I've so much to look forward to. I'm heading to Europe in August and I've planned so much for it and now I'm starting to think I might end it there too. I don't even know what's wrong anymore m just tired and want a hug",1.415258241758238,3.249253350000004,2.9385714285714317,93.17565934065935,79.78571428571429,5.4505494505494525,23.62637362637363,6.297961479604792,0.43661538461538507,519,18,116,4,13,170,90,140,0.156,0.746,0.098,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,13,8,2,0,5,0,9,4,2,2,0,23,28,13,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,8,0,1,4,5,4,0,0,7,4,14,4,13,20,4,19,0,1,1,1,1,7,0,1,13,74,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601671014096486,0.0,0.0,0.112863397551241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029444997342953,0.0,0.15452195152641593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568639432814271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821125846171704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294974709409586,0.0,0.0,0.271760369880684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869510027163176,0.19596107471351787,0.13168624713106208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794594312413174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540799077645596,0.28151251564758195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506588134477518,0.0,0.14682273570200866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612342885633335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101481512954947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517210433692125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454952930126832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024647897420104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786229508688544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415204156625426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987581797940272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788067538931091,0.2694998699729713,0.1088823913400174,0.0,0.15763463420407764,0.0,0.0,0.15237955169092565,0.09311636988846686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089507748824637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995283649941904,0.0,0.0
bpd,935richtofen935,2019/06/10,"I need help to get a diagnosis for bpd. As the title says, I need help. I need a place where i can get a diagnosis for bpd. I have been dealing with the symptoms for a while. I really want to make sure i have it, since it would explain alot of things.",0.6294444444444451,2.2568837962962967,3.0442222222222237,92.47300000000004,81.4074074074074,6.542222222222222,20.059259259259264,7.554174236665415,0.36057481481481535,191,5,47,3,5,66,33,54,0.0,0.8079999999999999,0.192,0.807,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,5,1,0,1,1,10,13,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,8,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398450486568525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094958716261348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394171980313696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873019564519456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430570773500423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767360728688518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391379620203916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372958214482886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043206947219602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772837693842272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198956392026615,0.22275557935263535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423815129704116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640867284298313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224338734401047,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spookyxbabe,2019/06/10,Things to distract me I’m looking for some advice on how to distract myself and feel productive when I’m home alone and my FP is busy.,3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857141,4.620000000000001,86.875,71.85714285714286,7.028571428571429,28.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.4404428571428567,108,4,22,1,2,35,23,28,0.218,0.782,0.0,-0.6597,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639648625101845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917451538310292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24007097170125835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762587991122728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39870880725984414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31543316545281785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shrikethrush23,2019/06/10,"Today is the first relationship anniversary I have ever had :) I woke this morning to my fiancée kissing me and telling me happy anniversary. We had our first date 365 days ago. She asked me to be her girlfriend on the second date. After the third date, I moved everything I needed into her place.

My whole life I’ve been begging for this - to just get a full year with someone. I never thought someone as chaotic as me could actually keep someone interested for this long. 

But she embraces everything about me and makes me better. I get to be cheesy and wholesome or dark and erotic. I get to be whatever gender I feel like, or whatever orientation, no matter how I change or how suddenly she takes it in stride with maturity and grace.

She’s really not going anywhere.

I’m not really crazy anymore. The scared kid inside of me trusts her, and I get all the affection and affirmation I need.

I’m taking her to the fanciest steak place around tonight ❤️. I love her so much. Even if this were to be my last day with her, I’m just so grateful to have gotten a *whole year!*",3.8220220588235283,5.667899533653853,4.952918552036202,81.3450226244344,72.89423076923076,8.163348416289592,27.619909502262445,8.841846274778883,2.2165104072398187,845,32,161,17,17,278,123,208,0.038,0.7829999999999999,0.179,0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,3,10,9,0,1,8,0,12,3,0,4,3,36,32,18,0,4,9,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,13,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,4,7,1,34,8,22,20,5,27,0,0,0,2,18,7,0,4,19,114,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.1291625050385242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732755348371728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312637633435242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178268547681412,0.12373704491578386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170600671563855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400174198252083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567724831035644,0.0,0.0,0.17072017160413766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742133923887414,0.11972556467279395,0.0,0.0,0.2379100216164465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669242801126931,0.09455672067453892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22516762543709465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27660677519911336,0.0,0.07522221219165011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089775935109128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117646044859487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788959421861856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934885071486413,0.06466352821493182,0.0,0.0,0.11713283715880014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945843824286365,0.0,0.08835012267921999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406758142055934,0.0972985023661114,0.19628384839482,0.10208279930574182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765722847198118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958409738261013,0.0,0.0,0.14210316733768644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251364287657869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33644000631893745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903378032966185,0.0,0.11568689601117332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507762196513047,0.0,0.0,0.12546009225112612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955463949929219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704686755876628
bpd,hellokittyisgod,2019/06/10,"Urge to self harm bc person on the internet is cooler than me Lol I'm so pathetic

My partner put a video on of this teen girl redecorating her room, and she was so cool it made me want to cut myself. I just can't stand it

Even though I'm a guy (I'm trans) I still get really jealous of teen girls for being cool and aesthetic because when I was in high school I was just sad and my room was dirty and disgusting. I wish I was born a cis guy so I could've been happy and then I would have had a cool room and been put together and cute",1.1146610169491495,2.4705948728813603,3.212,93.05122033898306,79.08474576271186,7.092881355932204,19.4271186440678,7.908726449838941,0.3807566101694913,417,9,103,7,10,142,76,118,0.17,0.6559999999999999,0.174,-0.1402,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,5,4,13,0,0,1,0,13,20,13,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,3,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,9,3,15,5,9,9,0,14,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,4,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366835342187161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790228701828192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809639081258524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714664130620213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440296879870304,0.0,0.2386882861226861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369026528867613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212164098069732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957818358454706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508096990402044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364223300760534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22692444234168355,0.0,0.0,0.23391224877998865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906382709767082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202967898795252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322518329192769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578440158055244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592807405793635,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justforaday17,2019/06/10,"How do you say consistent and motivated throughout the day My energy depletes so easily. That god damn inner critic sucks the life outta me. If anything requires alot of effort- especially if it's a mundane task I really don't want to do but need to- i get irritable, tired, anxious and frustrated. I'm sure my caffeine addiction isn't helping with the emotional regulation and motivation issues.

and when i go out in public people trigger me.I was minding my own business on the bus today and this crazy lady was mocking me and hurling insults and calling me a blonde bitch for no reason whatsoever and made faces at me from the window when i got off. It really shook me up and damaged my self esteem, even though sometimes people compliment me. I wanna be eft alone in public but people are weird and intrusive and don't get boundaries! I'm easy prey for them and it's hard to block out the B.S. and focus on what matters",5.7429661016949165,6.9085846101694965,6.895833333333336,71.8942584745763,67.30508474576271,9.515819209039547,32.829096045197744,9.725611199111238,3.375889265536723,744,32,125,16,12,251,120,177,0.27399999999999997,0.614,0.11199999999999999,-0.9879,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,4,6,11,6,1,9,0,9,4,1,6,1,35,19,22,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,6,16,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,4,3,17,2,18,14,2,16,0,1,1,0,9,10,3,3,4,84,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028619612282398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272969164684314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102249939924665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313349154058686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900153178226552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001052148862115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093224814216116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290850475031585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944452317907982,0.0,0.1057573551833151,0.0,0.14883052658371182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669712448698912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472998681388582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422615914886845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143853348644602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607972694250235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789451112334105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798092389619462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38702724428540025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23842379927142596,0.1913281116188954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798360610179773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941290032970144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404449617770496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538450455022464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282922964444048,0.0,0.0,0.21387927749059865,0.17638842505361266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975875202230503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweetsunshower28,2019/06/10,"I've become indifferent to losing friendships to these BPD moments. Honestly, I do a damn good job in protecting my friendships from seeing my BPD. Only a few close people in my life know of my dark issue. If a close friend were to witness it and not want to deal with it and simply back out of our bond, then that's fine by me. We all have our issues and I find certain people more worthy of my compassion, patience and understanding to help them through their troubled moments. Believe me, I have given way more to others that I've ever received and that is mostly due to my own choosing. When in the rare instance I need attention in kind, if they don't want to return the favor, then by all means, be on your way. The stronger the bond, the more expectations come along with it but if they don't want to put in the effort, then no worries, expectations are dropped. I'm worn out from feeling so much, I can't afford any more feeling towards those who don't value a friendship through the difficult moments amongst the majority of wonderful ones.",7.1709180474697725,6.781538389162563,7.1274697716077045,76.83171518137037,64.1231527093596,9.549305866547249,35.20331392745186,8.841846274778883,2.9346394088669947,835,34,155,11,11,267,122,203,0.132,0.718,0.151,0.2797,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,1,4,2,4,11,1,0,12,0,11,1,0,0,4,39,26,14,0,9,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,10,14,0,1,9,0,0,3,6,4,0,1,3,3,21,7,31,22,11,28,0,1,1,0,13,11,1,5,11,114,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695916871987604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094242831989868,0.0,0.0,0.17370888494782122,0.0,0.17720629305471636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961898110462376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548706910377192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621538910220565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422732542313673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905600687282567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375560719327193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151797264771658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192316505993118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542479561784704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283292759817613,0.1560810568183814,0.0,0.0,0.16378808583622576,0.08643970258944635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109502119802572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759616422352039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132943493242891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562254562170958,0.1166248074941558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065803618430782,0.1196223022833342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808317935183427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811483072872012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533575216677506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373919396891612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783122397780916,0.24969096604794766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056883360221411,0.0,0.15973051524099596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,velverosa,2019/06/10,"Recognizing bpd For the first time in my life I recognized how a trigger took over my emotions leaving me feeling like a child throwing a tantrum at 24 years. I was able to cry it out, listen to music, and unengage in irrational behavior for the first time. I wish I didn't have all the emotions that come along with this disorder but I'm finally finding some peace with it since diagnosis.",5.726400000000003,6.765288840000004,6.3080000000000025,76.55400000000003,67.26666666666667,10.266666666666666,36.33333333333333,10.355215969177356,3.935133333333333,313,16,58,8,5,102,58,75,0.102,0.77,0.127,0.4381,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,6,0,3,1,0,2,1,14,9,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,3,2,7,1,12,6,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,7,39,11,0,0.20637320773444096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599198307049061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777722449305817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22669127815700502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23652157539989954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642841632537611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043484946516164,0.1474330608408013,0.0,0.22607176163037934,0.1886213731033862,0.3510818901462269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851942905193775,0.0,0.0,0.1457674998036678,0.10082352498567553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071405003981438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406757540786533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22928822724804665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731900406623915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289757956958284
bpd,MyLifeisTangled,2019/06/10,"Do I even have a real personality? I only picked “seeking support” bc I don’t really know what category this falls under. 

So, this is something I wonder a lot: Do I have a real personality, or am I nothing more than a sum of my disorders? Every time I read posts and blogs and whatever about BPD and ADHD and stuff, I read countless posts that could’ve been written by me. Is there anything unique about me? What makes me an individual person? Sometimes I feel like you could just make a list of all my diagnoses and craft a basic human with nothing but that list and you’d get me. Nothing unique, nothing special, no personality, just that. 

AND if I actually DO have a personality, wtf is it???
The way I act and think and feel and everything varies so much by so many different factors, I don’t know how to figure what my personality is based on that. 

Logically I know there’s more to me than that, but I can’t help but feel this way really often. DAE feel like this? How do I assure myself of anything when these thoughts come up? I don’t know what to do. Sorry this post is going nowhere fast, I just needed to bring up this point to people who would understand, and I think this is the best group for that.",3.490289473684207,5.082281116666671,5.118815789473687,80.86144736842108,73.25,7.885964912280703,25.548245614035093,8.532816995589336,1.6805416666666662,948,31,191,17,19,321,125,240,0.028999999999999998,0.862,0.109,0.9541,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,1,15,6,0,0,10,0,23,1,0,5,2,50,45,22,0,4,8,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,7,21,13,0,0,15,3,0,5,5,0,0,0,3,4,29,6,20,39,6,18,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,5,5,138,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.09279458549693448,0.0,0.1142802706697306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650271546503602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979158567351948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976312299499448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191202332264241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184401154950214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096514829303498,0.0,0.0993493061816213,0.10898192126689987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280636114821911,0.0,0.08011782542426417,0.0,0.08546118641350378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232240287956093,0.13586530701500724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496808478640721,0.0,0.05404210764110448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373714019025514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090369503553424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291280462057053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084252038676062,0.0,0.0,0.12694725934862072,0.09640681542837906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990243951867356,0.0705083814614307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36496749699472575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232059029216881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592376154975124,0.49817600365155,0.0,0.0,0.08989123373120059,0.0,0.2732111654966759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902324133348274,0.21646755435600007,0.12183478493853532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320529245819514,0.09404691007966448,0.10644600028621827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885584234422027,0.0,0.1079075428345506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218602720964897,0.0,0.07549121451577316,0.055448019990362994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899253680762614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095678406555188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312156258572068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754954433321123,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,420rainbows,2019/06/10,"My FP/ex wanted to pay me for sex... I’ve been in contact with my ex for the past week. We were together for 5 years and have been separated for 1. I will always be in love with him but he is not at all interested in rekindling a relationship. Last night he wanted to have sex. I knew I couldn’t handle it emotionally so I explained to him that I can’t have sex with somebody who doesn’t love me. After begging me and realizing I wasn’t going to back down, he asked me what it would take and proceeded to offer me money if I would sleep with him. I was immediately broken. The man I am so deeply in love with, whom I thought I would spend my life with, tried to pay me for sex. I feel degraded, replaceable, disrespected and completely heart broken.",3.5333689839572173,4.553789169934642,5.259382055852644,82.12903743315508,72.33333333333334,8.700891265597148,25.673796791443852,9.095868883498916,1.801188235294117,585,18,126,12,11,200,89,153,0.136,0.774,0.08900000000000001,-0.6691,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,18,10,2,0,1,26,30,8,0,7,3,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,5,0,4,1,5,1,0,0,7,1,25,4,24,17,1,15,0,0,0,7,19,6,0,1,8,87,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840214569791525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779691907392404,0.0,0.0,0.1463819063109853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959813288975425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141393500222973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625621801917572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819101295392032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255880214531383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517603305736696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446315912900095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154459991070319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864828373345965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172862219789654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20438491730413816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905063469806172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313369467951167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113161429275948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924796310157388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456897756695773,0.0,0.1527024205202771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056977389475761,0.0,0.0,0.12259130748344114
bpd,BlueCalx23,2019/06/10,"Thinking the whole world is terrible is wrong and you should stop validating those thoughts. You are NOT in the right for thinking or saying that everyone in the world is selfish and terrible, and telling yourself that you are a piece of shit or that you sound like a narcissist is NOT and excuse for you going out of your line just to say this in a group already for traumatized/mentally hurt people meant for SUPPORT. 

I'm seeing ""vent"" posts which are commented by people who only are agreeing and are not in any shape or form questioning OPs thoughts. We as a support group need to remind EACHOTHER to try and stop this constant ""Black and white"" view of the world and on ourselves. We as BPD people need to remind eachother NOT to view everything in black and white and instead remind eachother of the different shades of gray our world is coated in. 

We can not let our emotional pain drown our minds and stop us from truly experiance the life that we want! Seeing these posts who only seem to validate these horrible thoughts...I think it hurts more than makes us feel supported. Our diagnosis is already stigmatized enough, we can not let one of the few ""safe zones"" for us be used as a source of ""validation"". We need to SUPPORT eachother! The least we can do is to once in a while remind eachother that the world is in gray rather in black and white. Because that is all this condition does to us. Makes us in a constant switch between black and white.",9.11736664795059,7.774057036496352,7.91832116788321,75.83243402582822,60.751824817518255,11.350477259966311,37.50028074115666,10.214889679676881,3.601835261089276,1164,45,217,20,13,355,132,274,0.14300000000000002,0.764,0.09300000000000001,-0.938,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,16,6,0,0,3,14,1,0,16,0,22,3,1,3,1,55,45,20,1,6,11,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,16,21,0,4,9,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,3,18,22,6,40,38,8,28,0,2,14,0,32,19,1,5,7,151,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916076377198198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903798278679664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052922340517209024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934194573870792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763490772741764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090704435338941,0.0,0.0,0.07597342845117669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976565228750665,0.0,0.08970432643222423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295658509917438,0.07802478904947635,0.08492288755337732,0.0,0.0,0.04389687162064442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933963855924189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587704302402472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775508620763705,0.06132083885548219,0.04241400268794845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590095512084063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765959823807787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931193031815502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245640354624787,0.058828893709725716,0.13205524140929678,0.09237854173126106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805622343005958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629181385099795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972539959068857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414054755023552,0.0,0.13807942956024008,0.0,0.0,0.1383625184741591,0.07903419414637783,0.0,0.0,0.08911556621920537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177466538470426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39407191123116814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588117218208447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688491740277334,0.0,0.13784470669953758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058942490784016775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221459052074872,0.07498130942364074,0.0,0.0,0.05120643518464583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692717005773174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491986955667292,0.0,0.0
bpd,ana-mosity,2019/06/10,"Quit smoking now have major mood swings I’ve smoke heavily for about two and half years now. For me, 3 or 4 mood swings a week was normal (without any huge triggers). I quit smoking 8 days ago, and it feels like my swings are constant ever since. I’ll go from being in a rage to being very optimistic to extremely depressed all within a few hours. I feel so overwhelmed, I’ve never dealt with such serious mood swings before. I usually coped with chain smoking, but now I just have to feel everything. Any tips for me? I’m lost..",3.864711538461538,5.386118355769233,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,72.17307692307692,7.507692307692308,26.461538461538463,8.07648339933343,1.5826384615384623,415,14,82,6,8,132,73,104,0.06,0.871,0.068,-0.0623,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,1,3,16,12,5,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,2,3,7,1,13,8,3,16,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,13,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928829046507122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750828750122021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210548700517886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856755360656813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043878784644236,0.0,0.17420333072913627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829526925073872,0.0,0.0,0.18177520877924225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068010731258151,0.14449216998353304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494709834475017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918202954108108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881236832151248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078699337178295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599277433118386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816854478637444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302496239817431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673087664073227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975753290356025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275709270419355,0.1668828938071717,0.0,0.0,0.16223806090531356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496816446323406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024663225505007
bpd,xjesusdoesacid,2019/06/10,Has anyone here ever feel in love with a narcissist? I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist and am trying to work on healing. I have made myself believe that having BPD and dealing with a narcissist has made everything in my life much tougher. I am curious if anyone here has any experience with this.,5.982457627118645,7.207560084745765,6.962500000000002,71.41629237288137,66.79661016949153,10.645762711864409,33.39406779661017,10.686352973137794,3.921877966101694,251,11,43,7,4,84,41,59,0.0,0.857,0.14300000000000002,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,2,1,13,12,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,10,9,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,36,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630558536449902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33531380854644416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27014536230152697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30198938818784465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471984537548561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168910547566304,0.0,0.0,0.21549514369210307,0.2345468674636061,0.0,0.0,0.12123791390869584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177071396708192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936082931416932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164071369459331,0.4537635621667954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762628964173248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574296135696774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279211614423972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455973166343933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imanedrn,2019/06/10,"Trauma and the need to people-please **People-pleasing can be the result of trauma. It's called ""fawning"" -- here's how to recognize it. **

https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2019/06/01/fawning-trauma-response/

For those of us who always seems to be chasing the ""wrong"" people:

>I sought out the most emotionally inaccessible people, and I threw myself into the pursuit, somehow believing that if I could secure the love and affection of the most unattainable person, it would indisputably prove my worthiness.

I struggle with keeping plans, so this next bit finally made the *why* of that make some sense:

>Which of your friends do you cancel on?

>Personal experience: I had this tendency to bail on friends, partners, acquaintances, whoever, that were the most generous, warm, and emotionally-available.

>I avoided those relationships where love was free and easy. Because it didn’t feel “earned,” so I didn’t feel “worthy.”",6.788500761035007,10.71589023972603,5.3541552511415516,71.1227701674277,74.68493150684931,7.901978691019787,30.02891933028919,8.680891452615391,3.2700818873668185,749,32,103,17,18,220,99,146,0.073,0.715,0.212,0.9757,0,1,0,0,0,0,55.0,1,2,0,2,6,12,0,2,9,0,11,2,0,5,1,28,21,9,0,4,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,12,8,0,3,4,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,7,3,10,8,15,10,5,8,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,7,2,73,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388046567937221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016897647187516,0.0,0.0,0.18794502384088813,0.0,0.0,0.1821203675112545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033825524550547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318936807001086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764606284160265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163178505903982,0.0,0.0,0.16869482730232002,0.0,0.0,0.1827392762755938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577639639391309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827413299742045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011167333477621,0.15784576641070588,0.11135128134671576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369229019513495,0.0,0.0,0.17741119602166644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129905623566846,0.2913153941640618,0.0,0.3662287546068477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909844702682928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518634385580108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439278207736816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065965991108486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052590708420788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185016258639155,0.18238760999646167,0.0,0.0
bpd,jlndm,2019/06/10,"I’m tired of being “strong.” I’ve never had an easy life. My family always hated me (except for my little brother) and I never understood why. I was always “too much” or “too emotional.” The abuse started at a very young age and I had no one to help me out. I was bullied and always felt like I was unloveable. 

I have a history of substance abuse, self harm, suicide attempts, unsafe sexual contacts and several in hospital treatments. My mother died when I was 14 and my father when I was 17. After that I lost control, I had abusive boyfriends and partied all the time until I found someone I thought was finally “the one”, moved in with him and started working. Everything was fine for a while and I thought I was finally normal, but he was controlling and invalidated my emotions. His family was the reason I kept going, they reminded me of my own but better. It ended when I found out he cheated on me and I was heartbroken once again. I never lost his family and am also friends with him, but the more time passes, the more I realise how wrong it feels.

I found another boyfriend then, someone who’s darkness matched my own and I thought: “finally someone who understands me.” I ignored all the warning signs and acted like it was normal that he threatened me one day with a knife, forcing me to swear that I wasn’t pretending to like him. Later he told me he his family had a history of schizophrenia and he heard voices too. Yet, he claimed they weren’t bad and that they helped him. I tried everything for him, I listened to him when he told me to change my clothing style, behaviour, interests, I just wanted him to stay. During this relationship I found DBT and started my course, learning that I have BPD. He didn’t take this well, but I kept going. When I went in hospital for two months because I just couldn’t handle work and his controlling anymore - he left me for his ex. I was heartbroken once again, I couldn’t eat or sleep. Every new experience just made me realise that it really was me, that I’m the fucked up one who’s not worthy of unconditional love. If not even my family could love me, who could?

After that I swore to never give my heart to anyone anymore because I’d always be left behind. I downloaded Tinder after two months because I just wanted to distract myself, maybe have casual sex. I didn’t intend to fall in love - but of course I did.

I met him and I was immediately completely baffled by his persona. He had such a witty and bright personality, we decided to go on a walk together and I thought he was peculiar. Because I did not intend to find a new relationship, I was very open, talking about my parents death and BPD. He was very understanding and told me his own mother had passed. Besides that he also lost a dear friend of his. I remember he stopped me in the middle of the road and grabbed my shoulders saying: “Why are you so amazing after everything that happened to you?”

His kindness burned me, I couldn’t stand that he was so nice to me. I wasn’t used to being treated like this. We kept talking and on our third date had sex. Soon we made it official and I couldn’t believe it. No one had ever been so nice and validating to me as him. When I said I wished I was normal - he told me I was. It burned, it hurt and I told my DBT coach all about it. She thought we moved into a relationship rather quick and I understood but kept going. I fought all of my symptoms so hard to not lose him, I was afraid once he’d see the darkness in me he’d never be nice to me again. But that didn’t happen, he understood my fear of abandonment and promised me he’d never abandon me. When I had nightmares about him leaving me, he’d comfort me and tell me I was safe with him.

I think because I was so baffled by his kindness, I looked over the signs. He talked a lot about his exes (mostly badly), had a list of people he had sex with on his phone, he said he grew tired of people after three months, he worked in a bar and drank a lot. Of course he knew this wasn’t okay, but he blamed it on working there. Sometimes he even said he didn’t know if he drank because he felt nothing or too much. It didn’t matter to me. I loved him. Sometimes he’d show up at my door on Sunday’s still drunk, telling me how badly he wanted to see me and how much he loved me. He’d play songs on his phone and put the earbuds in my ears whilst crying. One time he said: “You’re like me but better.”

I loved him. I loved him.

I met his family, his friends, we went on a lot of dates. He said he only liked me more and more. Everything was perfect. 

A month and a half ago, I got the call for my in hospital DBT treatment. This was already planned before I met him and I was scared I’d lose him. He promised me we’d make it and he wouldn’t leave. But after a month, his nice messages became less and less. I was anxious constantly, my DBT coach told me that she didn’t know if I could stay if he kept clouding up my mind so badly. My fear of abandonment is very severe and if he didn’t reply to my messages I’d go in crisis multiple times a day. I felt very alone. My coach told me to call him and ask him if he was distancing himself. Saying that if the call was positive - I’d have to try harder and if it wasn’t that they were all there to catch me.

During the phone call he assured me nothing was wrong and he was just busy. I told him how happy I was to hear him and how I missed him. He replied: “I’d miss me too.” And I just laughed, but something in me knew something was wrong.

That Sunday following, I was going to see him. He was still awake and drunk, but told me to come early. I did that and stood there for twenty minutes until he opened the door. He didn’t kiss me and I immediately knew something was up. When we went upstairs he said: “We need to talk.” I started hyperventilating immediately asking what was wrong. He told me to calm down but I couldn’t. He said he wanted to break up. The reason is still very unclear but I’ll try to type out most I can remember. 

He said he wanted to be my friend but couldn’t be together with me. That it was not my fault but completely his. That there was nothing wrong with me but he just wasn’t ready. He said he had dreams about hurting me and would rather hurt me now than in ten months. He said he dreamt about his mother. When he was as hysterical as me he yelled: “I don’t want to lose anyone like I lost my mother.” I promised I’d never leave him and he said I couldn’t promise that. When I said I’d never hurt him - he said he knew that. 

There was a lot of screaming, me begging to change his mind but he was determined. When I asked him if he was still in love with me, he said no. But then why was he just as hurt as me doing this? He said that he didn’t want to lose me, just didn’t want to be in a relationship. That my anxieties weren’t easy for him. (Note that he only knew about my parents and me vaguely talking about bad boyfriends. Nothing too explicit.) 

He said I didn’t want to know the real him, that he had issues too big of his own. That he’s too scared to work on himself, that some things never heal. That I’m strong and there’s still hope for me. That I’m much stronger than him. I begged and begged, saying I want to know the real him but to no avail.

My friend picked me up since he fell asleep and afterwards I texted him because I had forgotten my glasses. He brought them the same night together with all my stuff. He didn’t want to talk, held me, kissed my forehead and left.

I texted him it was unfair and I wished he’d fight his anxiety like I fought me. He said he didn’t want too lose us, just needed to distance himself to put his mind in order. That we went too fast and he doesn’t know if he can trust himself anymore. Then he asked for a few days to rest his mind and he’d text me. I said it was okay, that I cared about him deeply and trusted him to text me in a few days. (We were together for five months.)

It’s been two weeks now. Every day I hope he texts me but everyday I get more and more discouraged that he will ever text me again. The pain is unbearable. My DBT coaches tell me I’m doing great carrying this situation and still not texting myself but I’m lose hope. His love was so kind and pure that I feel like it’s because of who I am that I lost it. I feel like no one will ever love me truly and will always abandon me because I’m too much.

I know I’m a very kind and caring person. I tried so hard for everyone to fight my BPD symptoms and communicate well. But to no avail. I miss him so much. He made my life very hopeful and made me feel complete. When I was with him it felt like the world didn’t matter anymore and I was safe. That I was normal. 

The reason I wrote this down is because I’m losing hope and often just want to stop fighting. I’m still in therapy and communicate these things but all they say is I’m doing so well trying to carry these emotions. Every day I fight the urge to hurt myself because my little brother and friends need me. The truth is I’m done being strong. Everyone always tells me how strong I am but I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to fight anymore and it feels like I’ll always suffer because of the hurt people put on me. 

I hate my disorder because I care about people so much and so deeply. I’d do anything for them. But it’s never enough. I’m always too much. I feel like the BPD will never get better. I feel a bit ridiculous posting this but I don’t know who to talk to anymore. I’m sorry if I triggered or hurt any of you. I’m just so tired of being in pain and hating myself. 

I still love him. I worry about him constantly. I’m just hopeless because this situation just proved once again that I’m not enough. That the hate I carry for myself is true. I feel so guilty because I have friends who love me but I just feel like everyone will leave me.

I just want someone to love me, like I love them. Unconditionally and very, very deeply.",2.130387334615449,3.878408300147132,3.4610913313973017,90.65098212662079,77.32761157430113,6.367211289958174,22.93127001008425,7.213757350887258,0.6996772520127195,7720,234,1679,91,178,2520,519,2039,0.152,0.6629999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.9981,4,1,3,0,8,5,218.0,12,3,8,30,110,159,14,6,55,2,156,42,6,22,28,342,353,161,3,54,70,10,16,15,7,7,10,30,2,3,83,99,6,19,49,13,0,26,58,68,3,15,174,51,339,91,172,144,41,188,0,30,5,20,300,54,1,29,117,1094,422,7,0.0,0.0750784399551961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01872340142509317,0.0,0.0,0.021876048639839482,0.023308680682207955,0.03378255277240032,0.14060174000258766,0.0,0.0,0.014363701836472146,0.022148285695142243,0.032316583818473466,0.02386187698736189,0.14663161742251954,0.02953802307581865,0.0,0.017381627504851543,0.0,0.07898497136683337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818004629927335,0.1931368630317032,0.0,0.017973288229255018,0.02379729000746669,0.0,0.056042146021263714,0.02305978159656316,0.0,0.10640980824038307,0.0,0.08627179962742497,0.0,0.06460593898005773,0.0,0.04468860519207876,0.018194754938689398,0.06643812650529135,0.04565081226510562,0.07107044386840912,0.05059265661467955,0.0,0.023201553506935747,0.08173175548440971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021921328023278744,0.0,0.024207671471968947,0.0,0.0,0.021615165785078303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02161310549387945,0.0,0.0712783081713514,0.018707845492912108,0.043649397811139135,0.0,0.027901797644077662,0.05731824473419469,0.05338865311897025,0.06054900239594325,0.07593245926491622,0.020661394213180383,0.11947179656723984,0.047536302553557806,0.0961193779284171,0.07544789719302797,0.08112182850440085,0.06941444042114843,0.01930514890642992,0.0,0.0,0.09263684419895986,0.1142317730627629,0.01952697247910638,0.022070773382623414,0.020262171789353148,0.0720248040530358,0.0,0.016893213551154106,0.023287107991284358,0.0,0.0,0.03735627528384429,0.022484789206763525,0.037842372622905435,0.0834145102104753,0.0,0.0,0.023806058157701968,0.02502970224953664,0.028315297296142357,0.0,0.0,0.10489468749294344,0.0,0.0,0.1808925236408513,0.0,0.0,0.02204590724119205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798135802567705,0.08125679086529672,0.0,0.0,0.08946070209092279,0.06884742844108198,0.0,0.029838222923818613,0.1547873232308169,0.042339637576452406,0.0,0.0,0.01773718193823991,0.16541100831096356,0.11528593126790497,0.07182876395419313,0.26688834097309794,0.07994468601427722,0.014099116224296247,0.0,0.02121991389063138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530889930597564,0.0,0.11801579623977786,0.04489874137772227,0.12421695424605644,0.04698514344205229,0.1791966925561326,0.040799568238680715,0.0,0.019821590350567915,0.08278040254022495,0.08106861360571843,0.0,0.0,0.0899770724353306,0.10018981918255723,0.032128504803363524,0.044950649289890135,0.0,0.04690702001401805,0.0,0.0,0.058573412662986074,0.036885876395592314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02022906203136776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637004095588926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808297907831234,0.013531310575939669,0.06515088111508661,0.0,0.09070860396692536,0.047854275434936124,0.0,0.361653901440064,0.06718833070959879,0.04229366514872312,0.0,0.05049455960961429,0.0,0.022034879432645045,0.04772375397472379,0.0,0.01747235799535795,0.0474840839129427,0.02113727985580249,0.0,0.07158649560403066,0.04878230212598464,0.04178044717319168,0.02364437857654576,0.05980111425015273,0.045026538216012775,0.1349446165876108,0.035317918669898536,0.0,0.0,0.024179666119298632,0.023104067961332967,0.0,0.0,0.04390774453218372,0.031762269438126885,0.1188395896447562,0.07384632609562808,0.0,0.024154877283819747,0.0,0.028065070764013943,0.01353414125069444,0.0,0.08384264558624596,0.04926569236784226,0.07282998438058311,0.0,0.20183000798647754,0.0,0.07170234509688961,0.0,0.06189945011410228,0.043977547493349936,0.025407196328572718,0.0182426485633635,0.0,0.1742788334713697,0.1868747708802258,0.0,0.016942815020876623,0.0,0.0569737134923701,0.07832131804747973,0.05717802884027056,0.0,0.04857857448968116,0.0,0.0,0.07688543165482561,0.021450442468532248,0.0,0.01500448109457425,0.1154680970039675,0.0,0.0
bpd,CORRIIIIII,2019/06/10,"It's Official, I'm dropping out TMS, Effexor, Lithium, or Zyprexa couldn't fix my depression. So I'm done trying to do anything, I am going to waste the rest of my life doing absolutely nothing. And I'm happy with that. Will kill myself soon because I can hardly deal with the fact of how useless I simply am.  One semester of my senior year left and I couldn't finish. I'm a fucking burden to my parents and I should just end it all. Psychiatry and Therapy failed me. I don't know what to do anymore, I wish I could use drugs but I'm on probation and can't or else I'll go to rehab where my mental illnesses will get worse and worse but I can't do anything about it because rehabs claim to have ""evidence-based treatment"" even though that is an utter fucking lie. I'm fucked. Goodbye guys",3.0172145246058304,4.5991486956521745,4.7045962732919255,83.39132345914955,74.46583850931677,7.438318203535596,27.912565695174393,8.139509932561175,1.9133474438604878,624,25,123,10,13,211,102,161,0.19899999999999998,0.777,0.024,-0.982,1,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,4,0,19,8,0,2,2,24,34,13,1,5,5,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,1,1,16,1,14,27,2,12,0,3,0,3,3,4,3,2,5,79,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562031161659056,0.0,0.0,0.2592271843702781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202776106683908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257553118503533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623812369467847,0.1356592417265015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118279386089274,0.0,0.0,0.1826563556170308,0.0,0.13157562039759166,0.0,0.13950310784787534,0.0,0.0,0.10403088606237634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368338431158224,0.08229011407670267,0.0,0.1790279914263695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595519116245002,0.0,0.16766751547292205,0.14109397555247022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425648057826912,0.0,0.08656089434127273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113016815153825,0.0,0.11125078064460926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872848119500507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113075890007038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672979156547556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489119937186853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012124656757406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474833736405008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693588403631747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360341665709171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112353233560768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210230865260216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142836704209664
bpd,YasashiYuko,2019/06/10,"Why do I Iie so much over minor things? When I'm talking to others, explaining something ... I tend to lie or exaggerate things. They're not big lies, just stupid minor things that makes whatever I'm telling more interesting... I don't know why I do this, it's not like it changes anything, but it makes me feel better and worse at the same time. It makes me feel better thinking that I'm interesting and that the other person wants to know more and talk more with me, but it makes me feel bad because I know it's fake, I'm lying to them and I feel guilty. 

I nrver noticed that I lie so much... I'm so fake, I don't know who I am",4.197045454545453,4.0991141590909095,5.1480303030303025,87.54204545454546,70.2878787878788,8.115151515151515,26.34848484848485,7.645422480735847,1.1195575757575762,487,13,112,5,8,160,67,132,0.213,0.6970000000000001,0.09,-0.9561,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,5,9,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,4,0,27,26,11,0,1,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,17,5,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,4,15,5,7,26,6,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,66,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042139045602322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233011978444145,0.09661227338225742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803379451930913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765835147095307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205433864181041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484014911948439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742879817629009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231655158092741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301252840766798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043862919675652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838483439940805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201112297339835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547718769367449,0.1385247228254732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158753877852688,0.10155214291936156,0.0,0.0,0.09241511041758396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347980581813367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860199377302739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151190861759182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dandylion1313,2019/06/10,For those of us who have romantic relationships with your FP What kind of emotional or mental borders do you set for yourself to keep from edging into unhealthy territory? How do separate the FP obsession from your romantic feelings? Assuming your romantic inclinations is selfless love while your FP obsession tends to be a self centered feeling.,9.126379310344829,11.253818706896553,8.985689655172418,56.465775862068995,60.206896551724135,13.386206896551723,45.53448275862069,12.602617957971056,7.15836551724138,287,18,37,11,4,93,45,58,0.114,0.67,0.21600000000000005,0.7405,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,5,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,10,9,0,4,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,2,1,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615365890589773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250233526415999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856789184797089,0.0,0.3346931299727938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900799383545481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32389994951070106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450679468745244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352947911412217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866098116176624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itspet3eytheunloved,2019/06/10,"DAE like it when others stay awake, like they feel a sense of security that the person is available and this feeling takes away the feeling of ''Abandonment''? I know it's schadenfreude and bad, and i don't wanna be remorseless but i sincerely feel the pain of my Sister not sleeping all night due to a recently newborn baby, but it seems hearing this news about her new developed insomnia has made me happy, it feels like she is accessible day and night now except a few hours, i feel secured that i now have some sense of ''company'' and that i am not left alone, i also have a tendency to feel left out or 'upset' if my mom goes to bed before me, i feel like i want her around me. In the end is this a fear of Abandonment manifesting in the form of wanting people to pull all nighters with me and be accessible 98% of the time? the all nighter does not have to be psychical, as long as we are able to connect on social media is also fine during those hours. Last week my mum had to babysit, and i felt a sense of fear when she left, after 8 hours of being alone, i started thinking is this how it is being alone?? i know it's stupid but DAE?

​

i have BPD.

​

21 - Male, Australian.",4.967324929971992,5.384455592436974,5.620689075630253,83.02529131652662,68.70588235294117,8.699607843137256,29.31204481792717,8.648137234880735,2.03576380952381,933,32,191,14,15,303,132,238,0.10099999999999999,0.745,0.154,0.6923,0,3,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,1,0,9,17,1,3,13,0,20,3,1,2,3,45,39,19,0,4,9,3,9,4,0,0,2,1,1,3,15,11,0,4,13,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,10,26,9,29,31,6,31,0,2,0,0,14,9,0,4,24,131,41,0,0.09670961029375634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004859705156848,0.0,0.1546772808233942,0.0,0.2095696446968732,0.2350255238025128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609205678948742,0.0,0.0,0.09086186235668246,0.0,0.0807484850321659,0.0,0.0,0.08229275536061734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180236868458387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236969805303036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463123168262934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565600978715598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765039690516147,0.3911942781054637,0.13817872983470672,0.09285639197412623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294917846559984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089987594414491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857184564155507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062981452852838,0.07883124004915333,0.0,0.0,0.3152258236580009,0.0,0.0,0.1889897223937027,0.0,0.0,0.08558496183601634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150897160050403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326512673983274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934027442574355,0.0,0.1815108359440436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290584388706378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704626690214982,0.08444310144494534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548907303076618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804079705249124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967794528177195,0.0985832687660812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684515599275532,0.1030795769500496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271359128140263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196761331332645,0.0,0.0,0.05639215148037384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408366762172055,0.0,0.07757461594388419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350255238025128,0.0
bpd,wereallmad_here,2019/06/10,"Job hunting tips please? So I guess like many of you my job last between 6 months and a year before I get bored and leave. Ok left my last job in December and haven't been looking for another job since as I have started DBT and needed some time to cope with all of that. 
But I'm starting to look for a job now, part time, but I have no idea what to do or what I want and if I'm offered interviews I get such anxiety that I don't go. 
So any tips or advice that you guys have that has helped you find a job would be so greatly appreciated!",3.7543223443223432,3.43566401709402,4.947374847374848,89.3623076923077,71.22222222222223,8.395115995115995,26.970695970695967,7.957251820313856,1.2260388278388277,418,12,102,5,7,139,73,117,0.067,0.825,0.10800000000000001,0.6896,6,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,10,0,0,0,1,19,22,14,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,12,3,11,19,3,12,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,5,10,61,18,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215919890132307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846169682930353,0.13047616900903589,0.09518894848413996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588114244718894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372717085785168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300195418132477,0.0,0.07071668838405656,0.0,0.0,0.1371850029308995,0.1370741616218336,0.12320570171672622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340310321089253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046682467263927,0.0,0.0,0.7408680897960362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285483747278754,0.0,0.13175387303499478,0.1351940406398486,0.0,0.0,0.06079042933407078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208980467398016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615293929732838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993191926445542,0.0,0.0,0.09226359699708933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474604435183318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658726089753134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029301484624028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761450163057751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511278417235698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339229929427006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839181678146492,0.0,0.0,0.08012912582298211
bpd,sayanorainvader,2019/06/10,"Can you try to explain what relationships are like for you? A friend of mine has asked me about my mental illness.



What I really want to explain is what relationships are like for me, but it's so hard to explain. I feel loke a lot of literature on BPD doesn't explain what it is like for people who have it, just what it looks like from the outside.


I would love to hear from you all what it is like for you.",3.3296862745098035,4.1774170470588246,4.372647058823528,88.94524509803922,72.6470588235294,7.549019607843138,24.75490196078432,7.793537801064563,0.9691960784313728,319,9,73,4,6,104,50,85,0.044000000000000004,0.7190000000000001,0.237,0.9538,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,1,11,20,2,0,2,2,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,12,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,11,7,14,19,2,1,0,0,1,1,15,1,0,1,5,55,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019666024693021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27209261544082186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923543136385627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691061748140051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935278394298406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24349081102872294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277268867272634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141772093876776,0.0,0.0,0.18366799613083748,0.19498295700063653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771574513630326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977372208737907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839963611746184,0.0,0.0,0.4638884648789322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466757918900116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274249583054461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346737568147226,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jane_avril,2019/06/10,"I hit my sister today I just went through an uncontrollable raging episode and smacked my sister on the head, twice, because I was obsessing over how she was not there for me when i really needed someone, sometime in the past. I feel like absolute shit. I am not seeking pity or support. I cannot forgive myself for being so physically violent. I have reached out for therapy and I hope I will hear back from them soon. I cannot go on this way. I will end up killing myself if this continues. I am a terrible human being and I need to do something about it. I am now going to go and apologise to her.",2.0567499999999974,4.318883175,4.043333333333333,83.885,79.75,7.333333333333335,27.5,8.344100000000001,2.1722500000000005,471,21,92,10,12,160,83,120,0.19899999999999998,0.691,0.11,-0.9247,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,0,9,12,4,2,4,0,13,2,2,1,0,16,24,9,1,4,5,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,8,0,1,3,2,23,4,15,16,0,19,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,3,9,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379019854563148,0.0,0.12984785411893404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866208819321534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770337303244444,0.15217313869324636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631724973220768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186079207319691,0.0,0.24007578239743396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156525790520575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356620724388932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406507308258503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31588584155575405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334048012724765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645854142931216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186499109651969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804812017531332,0.16398416000473345,0.21067060908555946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24171924154259225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435935014613447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019069176934651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690760367233138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746078481459572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,onixze,2019/06/10,"I take sleeping pills to avoid self harming I have developed a semi-addiction to sleeping pills. I take a large amount of extra strength ones every night because that's when the anxiety usually gets bad. I take enough to just barely be able to move and then I can't hurt myself.

Is this a horrible coping mechanism? Probably. What else could I possibly do, though? I'm physically preventing myself...right?",3.0194594594594584,6.104042297297301,4.198702702702703,78.14021621621625,85.48648648648648,8.365405405405406,27.670270270270272,8.841846274778883,3.264171891891891,326,15,53,10,10,106,58,74,0.22399999999999998,0.696,0.08,-0.8686,0,1,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,0,6,4,2,0,0,5,11,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,5,9,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,33,10,0,0.1947480618927208,0.0,0.0,0.21230413335665194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898173429904518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260649704844216,0.11871661094364387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554904806273149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626870161858788,0.0,0.0,0.20122680737359067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408364155965285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174782440911362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848182813137825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698636947119425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275786349080264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196632685796414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954917835004656,0.0,0.0,0.20997134931234568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631378077105155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316470152821303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897774132278911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392789175439425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133898201968014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448747637588866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,betternamethanur1,2019/06/10,"Is this bpd or medicine? I am on 20mg lexapro and i feel like it helps me to not lose control but i have noticed recently that i have a complete lack for living.  Nothing is exciting to me, i see no beauty nor feel any amazement towards life or the world.  It’s honestly really creepy and i hate it but i can’t escape the feeling and my thoughts validate it.  I heard ssris can numb emotions in general and i can’t tell if this is a good thing right now.  Life seems bleak!",1.2045918367346928,3.3195247653061237,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,81.95918367346937,6.3689795918367365,26.126530612244892,7.554174236665415,1.3964171428571437,369,16,80,6,10,122,70,98,0.187,0.591,0.222,0.2636,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,8,1,0,4,0,9,3,0,1,0,18,17,10,0,2,6,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,5,12,5,6,15,1,7,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,4,3,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334282415476138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654796549767668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210068312760895,0.0,0.23641626311499506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237107724981022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197416943793033,0.15058673290927854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679867259113444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081091560724088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128651260724026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29777108926051016,0.10298019413965913,0.0,0.1861293488876404,0.0,0.0,0.23581745298490475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022564265962394,0.2399831264676136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135035960405787,0.0,0.2081273659620349,0.0,0.0,0.18001149376343345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679704591777385,0.1918931518146508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423768915062352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003794248924106,0.0,0.0,0.16734184181438042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,biggggyikes,2019/06/10,How to tell if you genuinely like someone?!?!?! HOW DO YOU GUYS GROUND YOURSELF TO BE ABLE TO TELL IF YOURE ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE AND THEYRE ATTRACTIVE OR YOU JUST LIKE THE ATTENTION THEYRE GIVING YOU ?!?!,3.4013513513513525,6.580786972972972,3.879783783783784,80.42670270270273,84.67567567567569,8.365405405405406,29.021621621621623,8.841846274778883,3.3068745945945954,166,8,28,5,5,52,25,37,0.0,0.645,0.355,0.9593,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,3,6,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,2,19,5,0,0.3052083472087601,0.0,0.2978393200423665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29278365752858004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30220424852466504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982187635541964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172040843029201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5335310961258128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d1444,2019/06/10,Is there anyone over 40 here? Did you experience a significant reduction in symptoms? To what extend? Thanks,3.846666666666668,6.370183111111113,5.176111111111112,65.96750000000003,106.7777777777778,8.466666666666667,26.722222222222207,8.07648339933343,3.804622222222224,88,4,12,3,4,29,18,18,0.0,0.669,0.331,0.7131,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38068143207559496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325616489338415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658761598505461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012423655982612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liveloveputin,2019/06/10,"DAE socialise mostly using social media, text, etc? (CW Substance Use)

I have plenty of friends and stuff, it’s just soooo tiring to go out in public to hang out all the time. Lately I haven’t even been leaving my room, I’ll just text friends 24/7 and leave the house when I need to go to work/buy food.

It’s kind of isolation but without the negativity of feeling lonely. I also find it soooooo much easier to talk about how I feel to friends/romantic interests when I have a few minutes to gather my thoughts and put it down in a coherent text.

If I do feel like being social I will just get someone to call me. And when things start getting dark I FULLY isolate by smoking weed, chucking on headphones and listening to music in the dark until I go to sleep.

When I do go out (usually once a week, sometimes as much as every 3 weeks) I find it’s easier to have a fun and remain light hearted because all the dramatic stuff has been dealt with online previously.",5.269694589877833,5.736575057591629,6.062526178010473,79.94659904013963,68.05759162303664,8.670331588132635,31.09991273996509,8.59863814320734,2.3703504363001744,760,29,146,11,12,250,118,191,0.053,0.8059999999999999,0.141,0.951,1,3,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,9,0,11,4,2,3,2,29,26,17,0,2,6,0,3,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,8,10,1,0,6,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,3,5,15,6,29,21,7,26,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,2,12,98,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036011221524875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897250344539918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228507791776226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444825423533546,0.08556658123123509,0.0,0.10915149822255862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965131820375359,0.09255057622086067,0.0,0.0,0.2368127836284765,0.0,0.15665242558070752,0.0,0.20018008288821487,0.0,0.13536910041215774,0.0,0.2945050984543999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535174240777418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494833552806034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490643352752568,0.0,0.0,0.14613809070088174,0.27434957883765804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632916069219953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046837485841767,0.09605971496365684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796656716705505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023357463710128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964360195428265,0.2641199073388822,0.10976733057308764,0.0,0.12812830458187524,0.0,0.0916961868456919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966076080879701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412741686333653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606729171799722,0.0,0.0,0.10284826283542237,0.07554167157399587,0.1488987162300512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237792833396512,0.1426810690808112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783445945137455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488161793024677,0.0,0.09431397384659346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lexzz,2019/06/10,"How long has it taken you to move on from a FP? I dated a guy in high school for four years. I was very much in love, and he consumed my life. I had a terrible home situation and he was definitely my FP. When he left me I completely fell apart. I graduated high school two years ago, and it's been a bit longer than that since we broke up. I feel insane for still thinking about him as much as I do. I have a great group of friends and my life has improved significantly, but I can't shake the thought of him. He is constantly in my dreams and I long to be in love again so badly. I guess I still am. Two years seems so long to me and I feel so foolish talking about the same guy to my friends over and over, especially since he hasn't talked to me in months!? We're barely even friends. When am I going to get over it?

​

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this long of a moving on process from a FP? I'd love to not feel so alone and crazy.",1.4534782608695664,3.015412246376812,3.0321980676328515,93.8059782608696,78.71014492753623,6.532367149758454,21.644927536231886,7.3871296695380915,0.407510144927536,753,21,183,10,18,248,112,207,0.095,0.73,0.175,0.9617,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,0,14,11,0,1,9,0,15,5,0,1,0,24,31,19,0,1,4,0,3,0,3,0,2,0,1,2,5,9,0,0,7,1,0,5,3,4,0,3,6,4,27,7,30,24,4,36,0,1,0,3,20,15,0,5,16,115,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271554962831542,0.0,0.0,0.108326998246174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332667459267197,0.12709217069802592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313398837718832,0.10716808049963243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733094242086142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418867098415734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966396677187422,0.11302807791285845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737418677015188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908281367940132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865637430994756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24242531084283075,0.0,0.05464562336813066,0.0,0.05944271861574697,0.0,0.0,0.11531435809373093,0.2304423752007341,0.20712739881790534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101688960459445,0.1049154947318256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136408038882687,0.0,0.14775452256268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702467171348384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831983050161621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348528411639315,0.22233201061833208,0.1537760544225089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211707778745684,0.0,0.09521770934792267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730411305150173,0.1175671246541045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705650875399594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813608384440992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701909104633466,0.0,0.08303530743514108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434469174772915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630033329427103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342684983175567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709217069802592,0.2020637499321238
bpd,p0tat0_knishes,2019/06/10,"How do you deal with anxiety-inducing memories? I do this thing constantly where I'll randomly remember a situation where I feel that I was either wronged, or did something embarrassing. I get extreme anxiety about it and it jolts me out of whatever I was focusing on. I feel angry, ashamed, and distressed when this happens. Do you guys get this too, and if so do you have any tips?",4.456666666666667,6.559626888888893,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,71.77777777777777,10.911111111111113,35.611111111111114,10.864195022040775,4.652094444444444,304,17,55,11,6,102,51,72,0.22699999999999998,0.773,0.0,-0.9409,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,7,4,0,3,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,13,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,10,0,5,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,2,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968727354232621,0.0,0.22146986648396716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31285111551481953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984660451938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292763972769502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30250791740266303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866546037517496,0.2560075454114667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279517430058274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254147710470985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287442260417126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233367950903854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165273182372458,0.0,0.0
bpd,imcurious88,2019/06/10,"Ending Self Fulfilling prophecies Hey guys, 

Firstly, A big shout out, this group has helped me numerous times, whether it be a distraction, a source of coping tactics on a bad day, etc.

Firstly, A big shout out, this group has helped me numberous times, whether it be a distraction, a source of coping tactics on a bad day, etc.

Now here is my issue, and question.

In the past I have literally convinced myself that things which weren't true or applicable were bound to happen; and I guess I subconsciously willed them to happen. For example, I feared that I would become majorly depressed and land up in the hospital, and I did. (14 times) On each occasion I managed to get my shit together for awhile, attain my bachelors degree, move on in life and almost land on my feet for good.

But then I screwed things up and landed up back in a sea of endless pain.

Now I have begun to fear that horrible things are going to happen to me, I don't want to write it out because I am truly afraid. I told my roommate and he told me that it's impossible. I tried to rationalize and reality test; but I am still afraid. I don't want my life to turn to hell. I want to get better.

The question is how? I know the motto of one day at a time, I know that positive thinking is essential, yet I am wired to think negatively, I don't like myself, and I am really afraid.

Summary: Afraid of self-fulfilling prophecies, hoping to get them out of my mind.  

Thanks.

​

Summary: Afraid of self-fulfilling proficies, hoping to get them out of my mind.",4.3600429975429975,5.7976464662162135,5.364029484029487,80.56917690417694,70.82432432432431,9.03046683046683,28.65724815724816,9.457814108942452,2.548451351351352,1198,45,232,27,22,394,142,296,0.128,0.785,0.087,-0.6315,0,0,0,1,0,0,52.0,0,0,3,4,7,24,3,9,14,0,22,6,2,1,1,40,44,16,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,2,15,15,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,16,0,3,5,2,38,8,43,35,4,43,1,1,0,1,16,23,3,7,19,161,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041271338545682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864985266086293,0.1218472673827372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710665653517534,0.1674538507525297,0.06112779628012265,0.11074782865572913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868666580046825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940106883446569,0.0,0.0863682464004474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881546615544543,0.0,0.2236702403923751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256785193249598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059076106240995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095619217222605,0.0,0.05698960675035693,0.08410740811655865,0.0,0.0,0.11046618195747376,0.09928978082380087,0.26602328454306545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442682801927722,0.0,0.0,0.19919494354270184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466290889498853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021899512283136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416569149682734,0.04899017107700319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250193059213592,0.0,0.0,0.1065783509588536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795014345413818,0.0,0.10670156732329523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095725536082681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466589312280516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423987502737905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138316631753573,0.0,0.10293267689972996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008116856599923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232138932489156,0.0,0.0,0.19985831694535672,0.12850662730237858,0.0,0.0,0.233888794665236,0.0,0.0,0.19163752715691185,0.0,0.06808135342609745,0.10907234487713073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743753437249205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123374967684425,0.0,0.1218472673827372,0.0
bpd,xanderstar,2019/06/10,Walter White (Breaking Bad) BPD I feel like in the early seasons of Breaking Bad you can totally tell Walter has bpd. Everyone wants the best for him and supports him but he stills destroys all the relationships he had and was always selfish and played the victim and had angry outbursts. He also does things a normal person wouldn’t do and is just not right in the head which is how i feel ://,2.9139000000000017,5.581797640000001,3.484916666666667,86.77537500000004,79.26666666666667,5.3500000000000005,22.708333333333336,6.6274283507984215,0.7542333333333335,313,10,56,3,8,98,55,75,0.203,0.695,0.102,-0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,9,2,0,6,0,9,1,1,1,2,16,13,8,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,3,5,4,4,9,3,8,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,4,40,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619429741930933,0.17292363570843736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34704353906807817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809521140910546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5234862930039423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818654687275583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858177445281866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101609811670491,0.1484672913883961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132841981563537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153079355123128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362035594154398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814611925144159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223121870151946,0.0,0.17747791177551595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596603796781825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358326927896826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164462533581516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806697051796216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257815036881768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JrNinjaJustin_,2019/06/10,"welp, the girl I liked who had BPD finally blocked me seems like if you are in a relationship with one it is bound to happen. kinda sad, really liked her, and wanted for her to get better, but it just seems like idk it is bound to happen if you like someone with bpd that they will just give up on you and push you out of their life. Im just really sad now, and don't even know why it happened tbh, she just wont communicate with me last few weeks, and then does that.",5.740000000000002,4.264342595959596,6.1966464646464665,85.90163636363638,67.48484848484848,9.940202020202019,25.86060606060606,8.841846274778883,1.3252569696969698,363,6,87,5,5,118,68,99,0.08199999999999999,0.787,0.131,0.6412,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,2,1,7,8,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,23,16,8,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,12,6,12,13,1,10,0,2,0,0,13,4,0,5,10,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853921226806022,0.0,0.0,0.4230573831244257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697525094510633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110930201745172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839823602806616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774758441150328,0.16111412125199492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44555614730056015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814161462216531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230160230263218,0.13690266652371447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862891885602846,0.4102624309401616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380809833225325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151877138832552,0.0,0.0,0.18031676428937427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057929793275829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230452999630544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906198541644302,0.0,0.1347203439987605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515498596315656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,catshaiyayy,2019/06/10,"I don’t like myself Sometimes I convince myself people who love me only like me because I’m pretty. I think it’s the only thing I have going for me. I’m emotionally unstable, insecure, and deeply depressed as of late. 

I don’t even feel pretty all the time. I have a nice face and hair but I hate my body. People tell me I’m beautiful but I still can’t believe it. I think I’m beautiful when I do my hair and makeup and wear the right clothes. But just plain me? I don’t like that person at all. Every morning I look in the mirror and want to cry. Nobody understands why I hate myself so much.

My therapist asked me to draw flowers and write words describing things I like about myself in them. It was hard. I started sobbing. I wrote genuine, loyal, honest, but even that isn’t totally true because I suddenly convince myself people hate me and block them and hurt them. I wrote empathetic, creative which is true I guess but I haven’t had motivation to be creative or even shower these days. I don’t know. 

She asked me why I didn’t write anything about how I look. I said I don’t like how I look. She looked at me like I was crazy. “Not even your hair?” I said okay, I like my eyes, my nose, my hair. Which is dyed blond lol. She told me I’m a beautiful girl and she couldn’t believe I couldn’t see it. I wish I could see it and believe it. Maybe if I didn’t hate who I am I could like how I look a bit more. Maybe that’s where to start. I don’t know. Does anyone relate?",-0.18877419354838665,2.061062106451616,1.8589516129032264,95.53842741935485,90.83870967741936,4.77741935483871,17.75,6.385866456164764,-0.181683870967742,1143,31,257,13,40,379,138,310,0.134,0.595,0.271,0.9926,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,3,1,14,25,4,1,7,2,25,10,9,4,5,47,61,23,0,7,9,0,6,8,0,0,0,2,1,2,16,10,0,1,7,0,0,1,14,8,0,0,10,18,66,17,13,46,6,15,0,3,9,1,23,6,1,3,16,162,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061424728720031074,0.0,0.07229067100784953,0.0,0.1642503435898172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710154286772736,0.0,0.0,0.296920768034176,0.0,0.0,0.0959062714032226,0.09757831462423784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027750829524094,0.0,0.0964959047116132,0.056654106421356924,0.0,0.07566257093481954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687558150821022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881615371504662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23208870095192355,0.0,0.07401496315766781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441812882509218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992552637115965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967734749354914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869373879618971,0.34692326211819124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404212803612914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655692785725656,0.0,0.09909534523386164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433412114944593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688471588019523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928542959567014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650842114230791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645777198545731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362334281216107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270633619226928,0.07670469162354598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874414671810887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502093590424498,0.16712540104270418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000551618487234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688301945013499,0.0,0.12435724660863788,0.0,0.0701548005163246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678222973405932,0.0,0.0,0.1019972437077628,0.11672340791143175,0.11257773787346773,0.0,0.0,0.05122434533163738,0.0,0.0,0.08394166025471217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145192004277138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181449043479563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853667215054554,0.0,0.10101981950434873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sackoshitbish,2019/06/10,"I broke down and texted him, again. So earlier I posted about how my boyfriend cheated on me, and then proceeded to throw it back in my face, said he didn't cheat on me but the other girl, because he had been with her longer, and then blocked me. I thought I was doing okay, but I just had a meltdown and texted him begging for forgiveness for allowing my sister and friends to message him rude things and to comment on his instagram. He was my FP for quite a while, and I feel totally empty now that he's gone. I don't know what to do. I feel so fucking weak. I guess I'll update if he responds.",5.123519163763072,4.6962683902439055,5.557166085946573,86.51707317073168,68.34959349593495,8.979790940766552,32.20557491289199,8.418075326091056,2.166601393728224,464,18,103,6,7,149,80,123,0.142,0.772,0.086,-0.7996,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,3,1,9,3,1,2,1,22,17,16,0,1,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,9,3,21,3,14,8,1,16,0,1,0,1,18,5,1,2,8,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566313867812358,0.0,0.2034495053367064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375057387775561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25785265165125565,0.30854437852282635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36766072790670457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341901230734095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196380483071027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549817697537221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31747049819188417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172714757362388,0.0,0.0,0.26495840052826986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MajorNugget,2019/06/10,"I'm the happiest I've ever been. As miserable as i may feel some days, I think I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.

I have my own apartment, something I never thought I'd have. 

Ive been speaking to an adult school about going back to finally get my high school (I'm really slacking here though, between my fear of people and finding a ride to get there for an interview I've been putting this off, but talking to them is a really good first step and I shouldn't beat myself up too much). 

 I've got control of my own finances. I can eat what I want, when I want without scrutiny which after being in an abusive situation for so long where this was a main issue it feels good to have that again, even though I went overboard the last few months and gained alot of weight, but I now know that I don't have to starve myself to be loved and I don't have to binge when I eat.

I have an amazing boyfriend who I really believe loves and cares about me as much as I do him, which is honestly fucking amazing. He's not a dumbass, he has his education, almost done post secondary for carpentry and he has a job. He has real ambitions and he's so capable and driven and smart and he really has his head on his shoulders. We work together really well, where I'm lacking, he isn't and vice versa. It's really just such a good fit it makes me want to cry how lucky I am to have him. He's so patient with me.

I haven't self harmed in almost a year. That means any sort. No drinking to cope, no cutting, no drugs, nothing. I really fucked up my body when I was younger and I'm glad I've realized there's better ways to deal with things.

Im getting better at accepting things for what they are. I don't find myself wondering what ifs or thinking the worst or panicking over nothing. This was a big issue for me.

These are just my little victories recently and I just wanted to get them off my chest, mostly to affirm myself that I'm not a total waste and that I am trying and I'm doing okay and it could be worse.

My goal victories will be to get to school before October, get my permit before 2020, stop drinking soda and eating so much as I use it as  comfort. Go for at least 2-3 walks a week. Have a nice home life if my boyfriend moves into my appt when he starts working, meaning have the house clean and supper made for when he's home, budgeting like a real adult and such etc. And if I can get to school and finish, I really really want a dog.

I feel stupid and sappy writing this and will probably delete it because I'll feel like I'm sucking myself off.",3.3350427010923522,4.288148947169817,4.744190665342603,85.8908738828203,72.73584905660377,8.069513406156902,25.64548162859981,8.452757503120043,1.5507169811320756,2002,62,426,33,38,669,251,530,0.08199999999999999,0.7,0.218,0.9978,1,0,4,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,3,10,32,30,5,2,23,1,46,19,4,6,4,85,92,48,0,11,13,0,5,2,0,4,3,1,3,3,24,27,8,2,15,2,2,9,13,9,1,1,13,6,58,21,53,70,15,55,0,1,0,4,30,20,3,14,26,284,82,10,0.0,0.08179410646413192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825533557724373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694554753398837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308295292045127,0.0,0.04208253966489156,0.0,0.1174858496110083,0.0777777777584405,0.0,0.12211008275817065,0.0,0.07668130982350414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038485421784961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742760046286028,0.05511810239948877,0.0,0.07583070474607863,0.0445212761052418,0.07117111407937225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064584077078426,0.0,0.13525425056988888,0.08005762591402342,0.2119173210788175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699125713639311,0.04559636445034588,0.12489057084626908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768254230436622,0.13962283777224313,0.04931796669603796,0.0,0.07562346971172795,0.12619181266159205,0.058720360504860174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764180503734573,0.25247223414943154,0.0,0.07846732689554943,0.1737075546756092,0.05521286704474677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084889124803105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293830485003693,0.13849363914101998,0.0,0.0,0.0796560695607979,0.0,0.0,0.07456866200696106,0.14410730577730713,0.06850568080995978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037939329702200535,0.05627199607352317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752163673037577,0.06745313729584604,0.06919029269217179,0.0,0.061092996043015664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461192048105013,0.06532172381640737,0.046080790205089116,0.0,0.0,0.15039672106384014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510235090419847,0.07337231103656093,0.15224399487529025,0.0,0.05324334495194201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248013976028522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478595448391996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611557410292365,0.0,0.07443042355818427,0.0,0.0,0.06939832639540973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715181264519265,0.3980250439369738,0.0,0.06816283416702834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794647329062018,0.0,0.0,0.0720176101946299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759720801160988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314581411173936,0.0,0.0,0.04886268323405855,0.0,0.0,0.057715589219111824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055486985459232564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917263619501838,0.08846851301283215,0.1356512831065495,0.054805355173136575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686961464902164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962328757776331,0.0,0.0,0.20359047036618103,0.054796046265611735,0.05537498181022466,0.08406492203418907,0.06206993632037167,0.06399529176361762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654639793202112,0.0748645242995581,0.10051527739897274,0.0,0.07035163403990831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04445568969278898
bpd,pessimisticsmiles,2019/06/10,"Hating “radical acceptance”? Tips for getting better at it? I look at the radical acceptance worksheet, and it seems like it’s laid out so easily. Why did this happen? How did you contribute? How did they contribute? 

I KNOW ALL OF THIS STUFF. I know why it happened, I know how I contributed to it. I know what I was in control of in the situation. If anything, having to replay it in my mind again stresses me out even more. I cannot for the life of me grasp acceptance. Does anyone have any tips?",1.0922125297383012,3.69267741237114,3.1344329896907226,85.88009516256939,89.30927835051546,7.108326724821571,22.92545598731165,8.139509932561175,1.844734179222839,387,15,75,10,13,130,60,97,0.061,0.7609999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.9037,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,2,6,7,1,1,3,0,7,1,0,4,1,19,17,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,9,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,13,5,14,13,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,2,2,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735138327378466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412271145288936,0.0,0.16620997905142995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863236941020036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265345402446153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675155886516394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340399800378175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055247208741178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572154408805599,0.0,0.0,0.1994106131718476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444005422350622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266242921485695,0.09867582976887536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960993080558118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039393371332615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387240517915496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270307711473983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313641347999927,0.0,0.2312155060299989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645059118923435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eds0114,2019/06/10,Where did you think your BPD stemmed from? Just want to hear others’ stories. I’m pretty sure mine came from being raised by my seemingly borderline father. I share a lot of traits with him even though I hated our relationship growing up and it sucks :(,4.587765957446809,6.826875382978728,4.30739361702128,85.10875000000001,71.7659574468085,7.253191489361702,24.51595744680851,8.07648339933343,1.4061957446808508,201,6,37,3,4,61,44,47,0.171,0.639,0.19,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,2,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,2,7,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,2,0,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646880011412147,0.0,0.0,0.3311770644829301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125024242274125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28587844953269104,0.0,0.0,0.32635276421028475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617174660932856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29458445198989364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108767886535285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636026100534784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27290486594530505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553699142953534,0.2844891373668137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707887340662603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mcjhcjm,2019/06/10,"You are enough... deep breaths and keep moving forward To anyone struggling today, I just want to encourage you that you are enough despite whatever thoughts are running through your head, whatever feelings you are experiencing and even whatever your environment is telling you today. You are worthy. You are able. You’ve got this! Take some deep breaths and keep on.",5.5609907834101335,9.025079661290329,4.422350230414747,79.13209677419357,74.96774193548387,7.4138248847926285,34.66359447004608,8.418075326091056,3.39946267281106,297,16,46,6,7,87,39,62,0.042,0.841,0.11699999999999999,0.6114,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,9,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,7,3,3,0,0,10,14,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,10,1,4,12,3,8,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,3,31,12,0,0.22687234630235426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863441957940208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4688395610625051,0.0,0.14984704504864754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471347504175093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145054052124976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328364799797083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033091310963493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411293998930988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371762356227096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057976980750242,0.0,0.19829643047170212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801113010770715,0.0,0.0,0.4300969136149346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381518790893449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zuflu,2019/06/10,"I think I may have BPD, dont know how to tell my psychiatrist I looked it up, and I relate to all the symptoms, I had been diagnosed with bipolar by my psychiatrist, so every time I think about telling him I think I may have bpd, I think about how he must be doing his job right and I must be wrong. I tried talking to him about it but I cant really talk with him unless he asks me questions. I try really hard speaking but  my voice just freezes whenever I try. I want to get better but I dont know what I should do.",1.092972972972973,2.72232753153153,3.0903513513513525,92.67660810810813,79.990990990991,6.602162162162162,21.009909909909908,7.554174236665415,0.5135326126126118,400,11,95,6,10,135,63,111,0.054000000000000006,0.8909999999999999,0.055,0.2641,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,16,3,0,2,3,25,26,9,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,25,1,12,17,1,3,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,3,1,67,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398545521975775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621585248814655,0.0,0.0,0.3879589854677679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632439403214646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610144339101609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976628152382252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046772183508234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796931629939732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528384798541157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928784327986401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933580510307288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253470902596582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733494909536295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152999708981614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600830252828074,0.0,0.24758666460967635,0.2692359494517842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947524609337069,0.0,0.0,0.08980877019446472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137030638748074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084343848759356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683938219918806,0.0,0.0
bpd,Go_away365247,2019/06/10,"Ever have a part of you that longs to be told the ""truth"" about who you are? Like, all the things other people think but are afraid to say? Yet the other part of you is a total wuss that could never handle that? Sorry, I hope you can comprehend that, I'm not exactly articulate... I also know ""truth"" is much more complicated and arguably subjective but that's not my point anyway.  

Either way I place so much more value in someone else's perspective than I do my own.  Maybe if I really knew exactly what people hate in me than I could just fix it.  Or maybe I'm literally a piece of shit and everyone else thought so all along, and all the therapy I've had about changing how I feel about myself was bs.  

This is what runs through my head at night when I'm trying to wind down lol",3.9061852704257727,4.802798398734176,5.0232105868814765,84.63185845799774,71.34177215189874,8.530264672036825,23.857307249712314,8.841846274778883,1.43527088607595,609,15,129,11,11,201,102,158,0.079,0.8270000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.2065,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,0,0,12,7,2,1,7,1,13,2,2,1,10,31,24,12,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,2,16,4,17,16,13,14,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,3,7,98,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878389385174027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035931613021452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571551993337613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690570632202757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567019836833794,0.0,0.15388093670565792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814268296526107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589939857567117,0.16527383888702588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994938441406445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850355389093692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867617085798723,0.0,0.0,0.1425156245535414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235733138872525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676634442024697,0.0,0.12420423044571155,0.0,0.0,0.15112544068994838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487819686090329,0.0,0.22329017613751545,0.0,0.16825286933674585,0.0,0.15223516484197105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103166559177874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806573423382228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530558470400306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644894915430206,0.0,0.0,0.1802714650551777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416365234913115,0.0,0.10698803961218664,0.10318814104704792,0.0,0.12784803377262352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388093670565792,0.0,0.10933581321803207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782631827566412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sh0rtwizard,2019/06/10,"Feeling defeated CW: self harm/suicide 

First of all, I hate emotions. 

I don’t feel like I can complete one assignment and revise for 3 exams all in the next month. The fear of the unknown stops me dead in my tracks for whatever reason. 

I keep having bursts of intense anger and urges to self harm or kill myself. I’m at breaking point with my FP (I’ve convinced myself he’s detrimental to my recovery and I need space before I start group therapy). 

Secondly, has anyone here done group therapy? How was it? Did you have any issues with oversharing, and if so how did you address it? 

Finally.. how do you make and keep friends? I’ve ignored a lot of people’s texts this year, isolating myself from everyone, family included. 

I’m just so tired and I have no energy anymore.",2.7876062639821058,5.2530218993288615,4.202120805369127,82.62783445190158,78.32885906040269,8.000178970917226,26.71185682326622,8.841846274778883,2.4520278299776286,609,25,112,15,15,201,103,149,0.22399999999999998,0.696,0.08,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,3,0,2,7,10,3,1,4,0,11,1,0,5,2,26,21,13,2,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,8,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,4,2,17,3,14,17,3,13,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,3,8,71,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755951177295303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685993326393569,0.11059458686012373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458912813022053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658359043134144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186054996150506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791745967708575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113608850494348,0.0,0.0,0.1491065030415822,0.17798272173713725,0.159948760340519,0.11299509108121665,0.0,0.17326506789341764,0.0,0.1345374298267977,0.0,0.0,0.1222000317135842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615793364348926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508606530897094,0.0,0.28117357411321736,0.174989210108228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727278619812047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446858738306355,0.0,0.0,0.10557821895639474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624801013358214,0.0,0.0,0.1172794020822918,0.0,0.0,0.16821322460196209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717857871959953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965362099255772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495196730647067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262281697054848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300069718424751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195196623847514,0.0,0.0,0.13223534337524806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730098757396968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617572736000708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179059158033195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018548622832528
bpd,metinb83,2019/06/10,"Are we manipulative? I often hear that borderliners are manipulative, but I cannot figure out in what sense. I don‘t think that I manipulate people ... But then again, maybe I‘m overlooking it? What behavior do people refer to when they say that borderliners are manipulative? I‘m honestly puzzled every time I hear this.",5.573333333333334,9.004341888888893,7.149629629629632,59.83333333333337,74.55555555555556,10.266666666666667,27.51851851851852,10.125756701596842,3.9555407407407417,258,10,38,9,6,88,38,54,0.038,0.877,0.085,0.5408,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,0,13,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,3,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26503650375175475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7090803817247486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160251172634216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361626937023397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501565298600127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156201376947053,0.0,0.0,0.1834267128492546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InSovietRussia1918,2019/06/10,How do I cope when my FP wants nothing to do with me? I can’t get over her. She was my dream girl and I fucked it up. It’s been 3 months since we broke up and she’s blocked me off of everything! I get constant suicidal thoughts and behaviors but I can’t seem to let go. I’m so traumatized I don’t know what to do,-2.3264393939393955,-0.55825036111111,0.4016161616161629,103.84136363636364,101.22222222222223,4.8404040404040405,17.656565656565657,6.574015621080383,-0.2619888888888888,242,8,66,4,11,82,49,72,0.204,0.775,0.022000000000000002,-0.9087,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,0,12,18,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,14,0,9,14,0,8,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,1,3,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282500277647168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729943962136673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808155623257977,0.3173977248668851,0.0,0.17263032687393365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669351855604067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310608916603538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424534446235483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914600348443833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765261191227659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25126834387020297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322574374249376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411466466947333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916190515583968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clubdead94,2019/06/10,Reading material? I’m looking for reading material because I desperately need growth and change in my life.,6.3583333333333325,9.984317055555554,8.242222222222225,52.00000000000003,72.8888888888889,10.266666666666667,47.88888888888889,10.125756701596842,6.9003555555555565,89,7,11,3,2,31,15,18,0.135,0.7290000000000001,0.135,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264473613787295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929706855513999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623833719492972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119449584994225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27544357895849664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7431499018527276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deathly-erised,2019/06/10,"Sometimes I wish I was never diagnosed. I got diagnosed at the end of April after a week in a Behavioral Health center. Originally I was ecstatic to finally know what was wrong with me and know there are therapies and medications to help with BPD, but this week I hate knowing I have BPD. 

I hate it because I hate knowing this isn’t the norm for people. I always knew I was sensitive and would joke with my FP that I loved him more cause I feel intense emotions, but for the moment I wish that wasn’t *my* norm. I feel myself fantasizing about what it would be like to go through a whole day with being one main emotion even if it was just being content and having normal ups and downs but it not changing my overall mood. I want to know what it’s like to *not* have to think and use DBT skills to react to things. I would like to just be mildly inconvenienced or upset instead of raging because my FP forgot to take the trash out or some shit. 

Thinking about how other people don’t have these intense emotions for every single thing and how they are not mentally exhausted everyday by constantly checking their emotions and seeing if their overreacting or not is insanely frustrating. It sounds so childish and stupid but it’s not fair. I want a life like that. 

I’m hoping it gets easier with time, and I’m hoping that DBT skills will be as natural as breathing down the line, but is it so much to ask for to just not have to have DBT skills to get through the day? 

As I’m writing this I find myself double checking for “black and white” statements, trying to make sure I keep the shoulda/coulda/woulda’s to a minimum. And knowing about splitting, “black and white thinking”, disassociating, etc has made me more anxious and self conscious than I already was. 

I’m utilizing the skills, and I’m proud of myself when I recognize I’m treating something that’s minor as catastrophic, but I am just so exhausted. Add in depression and anxiety and that feels like the trifecta of terrible mental illnesses mixed together. 

BPD is exhausting and hard and I hate it so much.",6.06183879093199,6.744063627204032,6.475240302267008,76.92234156171287,66.38035264483628,9.676937027707806,32.2527959697733,9.692545771848811,3.0246196272040304,1648,65,302,33,25,534,193,397,0.163,0.6829999999999999,0.154,-0.9144,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,5,17,28,8,1,14,0,31,12,2,8,2,87,73,41,0,12,21,0,4,5,0,4,9,1,0,1,26,26,0,2,16,1,2,1,10,15,0,1,11,10,36,12,49,53,10,24,0,1,5,1,9,8,1,8,20,218,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185330969201336,0.0,0.06925925658220403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367552977659491,0.09403330916219224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781468988837367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101480132859037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31449955932187684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550659262004161,0.0880529522107489,0.0,0.0,0.08994885325876585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736103500861396,0.0,0.0716912898295461,0.1689661532136506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745184668350329,0.07372264218465477,0.0,0.0928304596799765,0.05497678085919408,0.0,0.07013015960071799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626029916545006,0.05946401824254529,0.0,0.09118128105763992,0.0760764560349525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869750463484541,0.0,0.047305098633917984,0.0,0.06657166045403508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745633615948407,0.3287143937330995,0.0,0.08847627806631611,0.0,0.0,0.05579152692132598,0.0,0.0,0.16534482318754054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739842340954994,0.0,0.0,0.2744669107012679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058792249296480165,0.20332522077594764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512399647772842,0.07876018491584333,0.05556086621078105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385179968221877,0.1677651946853209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237649272091775,0.0,0.06419695392208379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155388602454076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640306051535881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154111184241791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632854206865071,0.0,0.08683359784056195,0.0,0.08544084985047631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407935832661316,0.08232281366742822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844921303325228,0.0,0.06258332702306077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951879453828059,0.0,0.11059697764803088,0.1600033504252883,0.0,0.0,0.04853574683131974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565119733684072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188942484300494,0.0,0.0,0.09818983429286872,0.0,0.13353425330117458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293033904944747,0.19143523856342706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738600492303813,0.09100581039534136,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sarcasma19,2019/06/10,"Has anyone else seen Lucifer? I'm exactly evenly split 50/50 Ella and Maze. Either I love and hug everybody I see, or I'm ready to slash the place up with knives. Can anybody relate?",0.41000000000000014,2.78738666666667,2.1555555555555586,90.29500000000002,99.0,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.19181111111111093,144,4,27,2,6,47,31,36,0.052000000000000005,0.695,0.252,0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,3,6,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30621748309415026,0.4487207741136239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658422595819973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28925491142182524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39525749975200336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575535699571335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489810836677573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mousekears,2019/06/10,"Having a really hard time (relationship probs) I’m dating the most wonderful guy in the world, but lately my jealousy is so out of control because a new girl started working at our job. I keep having outbursts, and I know they’re not fair. He basically gave me a 20 min talk full of tears that I need to change and progress myself if we are going to stay together.

 This is (was?!) my healthiest relationship ever, and he is literally the ideal match for me. He’s basically giving it a week to reevaluate everything (so we can have another talk if it doesn’t go well), because we planned on getting married in the next couple of years. I’m so distraught and heartbroken. 

I know I’ve been a shitty partner, and I’m just at a loss of what to do. I don’t know if a week is even enough to time to show any ~real~ progress, and now all I want to do is die. He’s been so patient but clearly I struck a nerve this time, and I don’t know if there’s any chance of redeeming myself. This is the only person I can see myself having a future with, and god I just feel so lonely and hopeless.",3.902865761689291,4.619581488687782,5.47998190045249,82.01550829562598,71.21719457013575,8.427269984917045,28.307993966817488,8.648137234880735,2.000268536953243,843,30,174,14,15,287,125,221,0.19,0.695,0.115,-0.97,1,2,0,0,0,1,28.0,4,0,0,7,12,6,0,1,14,0,21,0,0,1,3,39,40,20,1,7,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,14,0,2,6,1,0,2,4,4,1,0,4,3,21,2,20,36,4,26,0,3,1,0,18,8,0,6,15,115,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949216290592788,0.15028089477620993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473003548405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516109117203449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074276272361002,0.0,0.158578087747633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487409380286115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808528862663745,0.0,0.09465985705467957,0.12963888378271224,0.0,0.0,0.12880452778555818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246563418165781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487747851002025,0.13748320518012505,0.16290127594458195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190685729160385,0.0,0.0,0.1283843295256097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422205044432025,0.127387178993197,0.0,0.0,0.3150541995751959,0.0,0.16166838240978518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062681102403765,0.0,0.1384169345155405,0.15241978709396573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899941684268173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513931293901642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312669113211364,0.09181286031961428,0.0,0.0,0.30773871972945177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420549207754788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144086411277432,0.1527573859421031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303863553720759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507087602416338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453237469642813,0.0,0.2299213073564063,0.0,0.12885964419110338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554217151760001,0.10433684686374207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229177111629727
bpd,imyerdad,2019/06/10,"DAE try to sexualize yourself so people can give some attention to you? After a painful break up where my ex bf stated that he had fallen out of love with me, I felt quite miserable. I've started to drink more, do some questionable things and changed my appearance. I feel like a complete fool but my low self esteem and shitty behaviour (e.g. ghosting) from this a-hole made me even more miserable

Sexualizing myself makes me feel like men are genuinely interested sexually in me and their arousal give me some self boost. I don't know if it's a healthy coping mechanism (probably not) but damn, after this long term relationship with this narcissist I want to feel good about myself",9.666904761904764,8.502959658730163,9.082539682539686,67.34857142857145,59.55555555555557,13.161904761904767,39.253968253968246,12.161744961471696,4.78993015873016,551,23,97,15,6,176,92,126,0.17300000000000001,0.667,0.16,-0.2306,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,4,11,1,2,3,0,5,4,1,2,0,24,18,7,1,2,4,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,6,6,1,0,7,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,4,16,5,14,15,6,14,0,3,0,2,13,5,1,6,7,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935360587655183,0.0,0.1918188182473291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922062518900392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083626072681695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775139284433156,0.26139797565170625,0.17565997977686834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351003201221986,0.0,0.15344915923328253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005441287032479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875953452382767,0.0,0.0,0.16190433793192996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651188498736036,0.17311101324317651,0.12212005160594905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467091141297052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683398135292429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725024517861425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049450409904008,0.19458905757065006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641903828084525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817119556484533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294924277902112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154335901281176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421053836566692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790821353949648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alice_n_rl,2019/06/10,"Today I woke up and finally took a step towards my future. I’ve been a drunken insane person the last year. Drunk, high, angry and fucking dying. I’ve tried to talk to my “friends”. They’re all too fucked up themselves or too big of assholes to let me even finish a sentence. I’ve been so sick. I stopped taking my medication a year ago, I can’t stay sober for more then maybe 20 hours. The times I’ve reached out to talk to people they talk over me like the drunk assholes my “friends” are. I’m fucking dying inside. I’m angry and I keep running and doing things for no fucking reason with no reaction but ridicule, judgement, and being a mess. Which, what can I expect with the way I’ve been behaving. Of course none of these people care. I can’t function without being high. 
So today, when I misread the schedule and my manager told me to go since I wasn’t scheduled I went to a meeting for the first time on my own. The first time since my last short stay in rehab. It was refreshing. I just can’t believe I’ve gotten this bad. I just want to cry. Having to start over... again... I’ve been the crazy BPD girlfriend. I’ve been unstable. I’ve been a horrible person and the drugs and alcohol numbed me out from that. My old reliable e and j is like a toxic boyfriend I can’t see anymore- I’m going to miss him but he’s never done much for me except make me warm and fuzzy and ignore more of the things I need to deal with. 
Anyway, I’m just going to keep going to meetings and get on some meds soon hopefully if I don’t start drinking again. I’ve been avoiding these “friends” and the boyfriend I have now... I just want to pack my shit and leave but I don’t have anywhere to go. I just wish I would have come to this point sooner. I have a lot of bullshit to clean up from this last relapse and a lot of shit that could have been avoided if I would have just stayed on my medication instead of insisting that I could some how deal with this disorder with liquor and drugs... 
fuck. I have made an ass of myself and I have so many regrets. All I know is I need to get sober and just get the fuck away from these people. Not like any of them want me around anyway.",2.5800722471350284,4.051587383408073,3.5286621823617352,91.8297845042352,75.39013452914799,6.211160936721476,23.823866467364226,6.691623216298621,0.588821325361236,1687,51,368,14,36,540,205,446,0.223,0.693,0.084,-0.9969,0,2,4,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,2,2,23,26,9,2,23,0,38,21,3,4,3,74,80,30,2,15,16,0,1,3,4,2,8,0,1,2,15,27,5,6,2,4,0,10,13,17,0,2,17,2,47,9,55,56,11,63,0,2,1,7,18,19,9,8,33,242,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670887887053173,0.08042454211648625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051175874734891366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463258398368051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699276639663751,0.0,0.0,0.0707044034748621,0.0,0.06283465160868157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478643920048898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478084199795578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672732925478022,0.0,0.0,0.0648253848607532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016973929120607,0.0,0.0826639127881987,0.0,0.15516888012570942,0.0,0.0,0.15620529438911152,0.0,0.08624857136251711,0.0,0.0,0.07701183366131216,0.0,0.07372109761330319,0.17454345515440547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970511492677678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243800352276874,0.0,0.1280234642660726,0.0,0.0,0.17442511812739633,0.4174313455901666,0.11795265038118373,0.0,0.2138453113727722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902174959950627,0.0,0.074745040639369,0.07411086271934335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337799267623493,0.0,0.0,0.0413580943530345,0.1840282267486164,0.0,0.07968401419116608,0.0,0.07695317698697178,0.0,0.11029714699445456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795795500112878,0.0,0.07120795327981617,0.05023319294578692,0.07629660042369793,0.0756036060561148,0.0,0.08359116704718195,0.15162267687867845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532096950718268,0.1116010270224294,0.05804117525212524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896729988446974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651670074482862,0.1314192546878393,0.0,0.0,0.07114015239594519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737451363564761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059968367644001076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449603250275354,0.12450316976410178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653153228584417,0.2406349532024001,0.0,0.06291641953881327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658227734629299,0.18146097978019554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999194930363413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164511471596493,0.0,0.1426655861911857,0.0719092287214655,0.08361090102225233,0.051093099434283716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331617708938302,0.059733792595048636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976199462891819,0.0,0.0,0.08653935702601957,0.07254298444728394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691776447325263,0.0,0.0,0.09692330482775764
bpd,DumCuntryCunt,2019/06/10,My boyfriend just said he had to go take a shit so he wanted to get off the phone I don’t think he loves me anymore.,-2.3550000000000004,-0.5846014074074048,-0.2834259259259237,109.11708333333335,100.11111111111113,2.7,14.157407407407408,3.1291,-1.8134370370370367,90,2,25,0,4,29,24,27,0.12300000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.126,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41625476736730105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928917381677096,0.0,0.2385395911188753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788185189442647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992549275688159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308420440237397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155812305660409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689430589252408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475648883591717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adhdbpdisaster,2019/06/10,im trying not to send my suicide note i really want to die. i think this is it. i have a plan and its all i can think about. there are so many people who will rejoice at my death. so many people hate me and its my fault. i just want to die. i just want to die. i just want to die.,-2.674427350427351,-0.9915218615384588,0.29743589743589816,105.79367521367523,98.3846153846154,3.5042735042735047,10.2991452991453,5.033348758259628,-1.93882905982906,209,2,59,1,9,72,38,65,0.37799999999999995,0.512,0.11,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,0,5,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,12,4,6,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,0,7,11,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7048799363161636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763701138044004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834073011415628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442901411128147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23542838818810485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877476637038168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857277298156237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759504289048506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527938542761633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005970090171858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lolitad1997,2019/06/10,"Does anyone else ever forget really big events and remember really precise things about small events I'm 16 and I cant remember 90% of my childhood , any big holiday , any concerts- I always have to take pictures to realise that the event happened and to remember what happened - maybe its because of derealisation or compulsive lying; just wondering if anyone else feels like this :)",8.942727272727273,10.023509484848486,9.081363636363637,59.34204545454549,60.21212121212122,12.660606060606062,39.22727272727273,12.161744961471696,5.632890909090909,310,15,43,10,4,102,50,66,0.07400000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.121,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,14,8,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,6,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278526614599016,0.0,0.0,0.23338829115765736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23997395686451925,0.3516497444995607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046060013769421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501686524727784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867002031793057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522237167652622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676631018802762,0.12259134864946668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30349130578488803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838352797744166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239565043294816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986320019698635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5831693508835769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290221328709056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400367017853485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609329651501846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Logan_King17,2019/06/10,"Quitting Weed - Help Please I used weed about 10x a day to avoid my bpd and c-ptsd symptoms for over 3 years. I quit yesterday and ""surprisingly"" my symptoms are out of control today. I feel discouraged because I was hoping that i would ""magically"" feel amazing after quitting but my whole world feels on fire and even though no sound is coming out I am screaming and so irritable, snapping at my family. I dont want to be high at all I just dont know what to do when even the slightest anxiety shows up. I posted this in r/leaves but I think the bpd makes it a little more complicated. Has anyone dealt with this before? It is a massive trigger for me when I feel like I have nowhere to be or nothing going on it makes me feel so trapped in my own life. My hobbies only made me more anxious today because I was too stressed out to enjoy them. How can I avoid feeling like something is missing? Any suggestions or new reddit buddies who can relate would be marvelous.

Thanks",3.8999650959860372,5.5489144240837724,4.697465968586389,84.06354624781852,72.29842931937172,6.978150087260035,29.48726003490401,7.554174236665415,1.8220761605584648,769,32,147,9,15,248,124,191,0.18100000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.138,-0.8489,0,3,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,4,11,13,0,3,5,0,19,3,0,7,1,37,37,14,0,4,5,0,7,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,8,9,0,4,8,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,3,9,24,7,22,29,5,26,0,2,0,0,4,14,0,3,11,102,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825758905567788,0.0,0.08803503320181058,0.13000638586304347,0.0,0.08046583317105006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030204219601566,0.0,0.09792365646666418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898756580850422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913027095461052,0.0,0.0,0.1290707565867206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421636156561792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697431958734752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201703842114875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084861324509242,0.0,0.349124056544138,0.1644247590451845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540198320238605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771349518744639,0.1215871618759883,0.0,0.11429930029740408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324434645762968,0.0,0.0,0.12185192474350612,0.0,0.0,0.08128362083494131,0.11244346218760723,0.11533927659967877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889042491477784,0.15363210070645858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114390570139963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042129530913547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752267885047277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632205985616085,0.0,0.0,0.11021376254224816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452106005881048,0.0,0.0,0.3672016834573542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859334908757432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318224756958532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392220520225768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594917737012964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373790379921172,0.11306442171690533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21816265719685315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993912092308852,0.0,0.0,0.06787650885968984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848146709382766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634974784162294,0.0,0.0,0.07410702990834728
bpd,colleen_daves,2019/06/10,"I'm so frustrated I was abandoned by new friends I had made the day before my birthday (Jan 9th) over a miscommunication.

The tldr is that I made a post where I said I was feeling sad and like a bad friend on a private insta and they saw it and thought I was guilting them. I was not. Instead of talking this through, the lead friend Ed (these two lived together) called me a toxic and awful person and cut me out completely. Ed also knew I have bpd so she knows that cut deep. This came out of left field because an hour earlier she was planning a birthday party for me and was my first real friends I had made as an adult. 

I spent my birthday in the crisis center of the hospital wanting to die because I thought something was wrong with me, that I must be broken and unable to have friends. I wasn't angry at this point even though multiple people saw the messages and said she was unkind and overreacting, including a mutual friend Kris.

I know this sounds very petty but after losing a long time  friend early last year and cutting ties with family I felt wrong and heartbroken.

Since then I've learnt that I'm not the only person Ed has cut off like this, and that she has a sort of ""one strike your out"" rule with friends. Looking back, I was very obsessed with her and couldn't understand why someone so nice didn't have any other friends besides her roommate. 

I've done group therapy retreats and grown my relationship with Kris (who has since cut off contact with Ed as well) which has helped with my confidence a lot. My FP also told me that friends are allowed to fuck up sometimes and that if Ed really valued me she would have let me explain myself. 

Despite blocking me and cutting me off she's been telling people how ""proud"" she is of me and playing it off as if we were still friends. 

Recently I did an art market and saw Ed and her roommate and they very obviously avoided me (granted I also was about to have a panic attack so I'm glad they did) and yesterday she messaged me.

The message was basically ""hey! Just realized I was really mean! I'm trying free myself and be a positive person, sorry it's been half a year! Lol"" 

I was surprised and uncomfortable. I didn't so much as forgive as I did tell her that was still really fucking hurt and that I wished her well. I feel if I forgave her I'd be lying, because I don't. And a part of me thinks she needs to deal with sitting in that guilt for a bit, I know now that she's the type of person that wants to be positive because it makes her look good. Not because she is. I genuinely get the feel that she only wants to make herself feel better.

Am I wrong for thinking that? I don't even know, I'm still so angry. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense.",3.732108013937285,5.076855184981688,4.667028499955332,85.32146743500401,72.24175824175825,7.451371392834807,27.785937639596177,7.933642134475585,1.6687208612525681,2145,79,432,29,41,697,252,546,0.151,0.674,0.174,0.965,1,1,1,0,0,0,50.0,1,1,4,6,24,48,10,5,28,2,51,2,0,9,2,90,98,47,1,12,9,0,5,2,11,2,0,3,0,5,28,38,0,3,19,2,2,3,10,24,2,4,41,13,77,25,47,49,4,42,0,4,5,2,61,18,2,6,21,295,105,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600063065895067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044219009739201405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397495666544356,0.0,0.04999996241338088,0.054292888706585496,0.1981921959633044,0.0,0.05533121031772281,0.0,0.0,0.05750904209636665,0.07099010537890188,0.0,0.08189630362175015,0.0,0.06639746479310969,0.07437090702348527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817713605304898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041935536916978995,0.0670375861384315,0.0,0.0,0.06748534802471713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654282003667543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589637099204274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061299477856424714,0.0,0.1315137206312445,0.0,0.062433886569365014,0.0,0.0,0.05530995652301072,0.0,0.0,0.5526169404959805,0.1202285310654704,0.0339727096214089,0.0,0.0,0.05453961348455524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358466992566112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403620802465641,0.0,0.06961026095230582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429434464161505,0.05300378998919784,0.0,0.0,0.0706495011619024,0.06649213716965335,0.0,0.06353554472583871,0.0,0.05741798056334999,0.05754479240160632,0.10920870257574963,0.0727459802170139,0.0,0.05528165456589162,0.0,0.18458376310519595,0.1302134292539895,0.0,0.0,0.07083093523034373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780061898487386,0.0482149736215951,0.0,0.06280123765589601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044062403576542536,0.09890839304381197,0.0,0.07629244739936199,0.0,0.0704153879264308,0.0,0.09015984648282653,0.2271081572348034,0.0,0.0,0.06146933702531954,0.0,0.06227566550487935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401231744991164,0.124969418250315,0.0,0.06420402330383315,0.06981216764152744,0.0,0.0,0.12370671550384292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757816851944718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055095197295730716,0.05005917270649279,0.0643110676305055,0.14557960314921625,0.0,0.0,0.1557863716925516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052264371794670215,0.11366886649426702,0.0,0.07436138441347488,0.0,0.0,0.08333037410405808,0.06388641440895848,0.1032446594602719,0.037916411720036985,0.0,0.0,0.062133864865919125,0.0,0.044147486939782814,0.0,0.06351966038208444,0.06769298134471216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095650388061644,0.11505971660566446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692998645611688,0.0,0.05867465650431632,0.0,0.07477516878766274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619166446131129,0.21328282767694406,0.0,0.08374751936017491
bpd,nottoberevealed1,2019/04/18,Anyone ever feel like when they’re not feeling normal bpd symptoms for a day or two that they’ve been exaggerating it this whole time? It’s annoying because I’m sure I’m not. Who would fake that lol,3.898699186991866,5.123444073170732,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,71.6829268292683,7.417886178861789,25.861788617886177,7.793537801064563,1.303725203252032,161,5,33,2,3,53,35,41,0.131,0.637,0.231,0.6579999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,9,6,2,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685115808861365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033517312093628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725874275677216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078582466594754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675950987521339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29916099196717466,0.21134095358608848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452755571148376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28985051045113946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788161981065623,0.3074805575927825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250080504995188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889828455633832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302835404038797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014908702351426,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hmm____ass,2019/04/18,"My mood swings are ruining my 20’s.. I’m tired of only being happy for a few hours and then depressed for weeks to months at a time. I’m 23 and tired, I have no energy left to give and my quality of life is diminishing every day. I can’t hold a job because I’ve lost my drive and I’m embarrassed of my mood swings coming through on the job (which they’ve done in the past). My mood swings control me and my mood stabilizer (Lamotrigine) can’t keep up anymore.. no matter how much my dosage increases. I isolate myself and feel sad for myself because I am truly not myself anymore, this disorder has taken pretty much everything away from me. I moved out of state to better my life and got a job that I loved; then I witnessed a suicide, had a mental breakdown, ruined my 5 year relationship because I started to split, lost my job, and eventually moved back in with my mom a week ago.. all this has happened within a span of 5 months. I tried to do better and I fucking failed, I’m fucking broke with no friends and doing nothing with my life, and it’s all MY fault.

What the worst part is that I fully know what I should be doing in my life to make it better, but I can’t find the energy to do these things and I end up shrugging it off even though I know it’ll keep me stagnant in life. If I do get out of bed it’s because I take Adderall, and that lasts for about 2-3 hours and then I crash hard, it’s been the only thing to help me feel kinda like my old self though so I don’t want to give it up. Eventually at night I have to take a Xanax, I’m full of anxiety 24/7 and it increases as the day goes on because I feel like I’m so far behind in life due to my high expectations and I’m letting my quality of life slip away. Therapist have failed me and only make me feel worse, my psychiatrist hands out prescriptions like it’s candy, and I feel like no one takes me seriously about having BPD. 

I’m watching myself fail and I know I can do something about it, I just have no energy to do it and I don’t know how to be happy for more than a few hours a week...",3.726539973787681,3.9844174862385344,5.205792922673659,85.47403669724774,71.38532110091742,8.338663171690696,26.12188728702489,8.306716005460428,1.4176942332896458,1608,46,360,23,28,544,192,436,0.14800000000000002,0.746,0.105,-0.9292,4,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,0,9,12,31,2,1,17,0,33,14,1,5,2,56,71,32,1,4,4,1,7,4,1,2,10,0,1,1,22,27,0,4,10,0,0,6,11,16,0,1,7,8,56,11,56,58,12,55,0,10,1,3,8,24,2,2,28,234,78,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648268061226976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594552149430458,0.0,0.14505391588834654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741920816812364,0.05623373416558,0.0,0.2229019127924459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194037036985778,0.0,0.0,0.09210676857982307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299645155712101,0.0,0.0,0.08202337778819653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432774431243048,0.0,0.0629881935837075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381522083333103,0.0,0.0,0.07483908131036962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477294617617059,0.0,0.0,0.04830277323230448,0.0,0.06161657963595179,0.0,0.06572602252426822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488782911376214,0.10449054832831066,0.0,0.0,0.06684101445636301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650134088706415,0.13521808674889124,0.038208275157092714,0.14030910862732338,0.0,0.0,0.05849007105099473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467008745660763,0.1557000288059924,0.06551160490422916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901861169476129,0.0772676164336892,0.0,0.0,0.21605986836101812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902875617543248,0.13000556330984214,0.0,0.0,0.16076499618180629,0.059612065532735674,0.0,0.0,0.07945776507636013,0.07478207953010216,0.3615853909309154,0.14291374472001508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596636966820131,0.0,0.06600418048233737,0.0,0.09763190493249653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369951485439939,0.0,0.0,0.08565091902117096,0.11674599027257213,0.15545476681100742,0.10752037286436897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862911099997451,0.0,0.0701718023549191,0.0,0.07673937752092576,0.0,0.04955590704117595,0.16685977386900802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919446364946485,0.06981244669162179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440119187288696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785160365565784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629227320857858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630032653329405,0.0,0.0,0.05176296698713558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999416881420139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495772612043616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491149656021768,0.09717085373174747,0.0,0.14370297381279687,0.0,0.04264366040016526,0.1681081754383797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965159821771744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043134949204404166,0.0,0.17598542480519916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452741170301762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047094392809648514
bpd,irritationrevelation,2019/04/18,"Oh shit, I think I have BPD I went to a therapist today.  When she heard how distressed I was over the phone 3 days ago she was kind enough to give me a time today to talk.  She provided me with a snippet from a CBT book.  Being the curious person that I am, I Googled a term on a chart I read that didn't provide me with enough clarity.  I found a site that gave me what I needed, but couldn't help but notice that the site was about BPD.

​

This isn't the first time I've seen the term BPD.  4 years ago, I received a medical document after my voluntary hospitalization and saw notes about ""Signs of Possible BPD.""  I'd read about it briefly, then forgot about it thinking that I'm fine and don't actually have it--After all, I was feeling SPECTACULAR that day!

​

It wasn't until today that the cyber rabbit-hole revealed to me something I may have denied to myself for a very long time.  Let me shine a light on my week so far:

​

* Monday - I feel like shit... like total absolute garbage.  It was one of the few times my suicidal thoughts reemerged and I had to try really, really hard to not smack myself across the face.  I've hit myself before, it's not fun, it makes me cry more, but GOD DAMN did I deserve that smack for whatever the fuck I did.  I called some therapists during this unstable time.  Hearing each one say they didn't take my insurance turned the world a shade of crimson and I saw the outside world lose gravity, as though everything was floating indiscriminately and I couldn't reach my keyboard to look more people up.  Feeling helpless angers me...  Too much.

​

* Tuesday - I feel a little better, the crying went away.  I went to work out, work on some projects, and do some martial arts.  I feel nice working out, even invincible one might say.  Let's replay the grandiose narratives in my head to the same 5 songs while I run because it boosts my ""power.""  Ow, my hip hurts a little, but that's okay.  Hey, now, don't be taking a break because time is moving too fast and you need to control and compartmentalize every fucking hour of your day GOD DAMN DO I HATE THAT SO MUCH!!!!  

​

* Wednesday - Similar to Tuesday.  Similar feelings of omnipotence flood my neural pathways.  ""Keep that therapy appointment,"" I tell myself... I may feel fine today, but be mindful of how many days it's been since the last incident.  I've gotten better at knowing that these feelings of invincibility are rather fleeting.  Hip hurts, going to bed is kind of a bitch.  Take that break tomorrow.  No, you fucking noodle, you are unstoppable.  

​

Today, I started reading about BPD more.  I took these dumb online quizzes to see these questions and see where I stand.  I won't take them as gospel, but I can definitely relate to a lot of these symptoms.  

​

* It feels as though the world loses gravity and I can't get to the things I need, or that my brain and tongue do not connect when I try to speak--It's a weird feeling that gives me a sense of listlessness and disassociation from the world.  When I'm around others, I don't feel like I'm all there. 

​

*  I have no identity.  I have lived like a chameleon my entire life, and I'm too good at it and it scares me.  It's taken me until a couple of years ago to commit and engage in hobbies that I feel define me and to live a healthier lifestyle. 

​

* I used to be a horribly toxic person.  I still carry this shameful scarlet letter, and know it's unnecessary to do, but... Yeah, I tend to think in contradictions.  I had unstable relationships.  Most of my issues stem from childhood trauma that would be a post and a half to type.  

​

* Everyone hates me.  I don't know how they hate me, but they do, but I don't think they do, and maybe they don't.  Nah, there's SOMETHING they are mad about, there's no such thing as peace.  Probably because I was a toxic, shameful shit.  My phone gets plenty of notifications though--Oh wait, someone used ellipses in this message they must be mad at me!

​

* I made dumb, reckless decisions and luckily learned from them.  I know that I've progressed, but I still can't fill that void.  It's a shame we can't just switch sensitivities: I'd rather be less sensitive to the crazy emotions and more sensitive to the wholesomeness of life.  The hopeful part of me, however, still carries on and believes that if this is a valid diagnosis, then I could find a way to use these emotional extremes to my advantage... Somehow.

​

Now we return to the present moment.  I decided to ignore that stupid part of my head and actually rest (the guilt is just quietly lingering now).  Perhaps it was for the best since it's grounded me enough to read into this shit and end up typing some long-winded manifesto about how I may or may not have it.  

​

Honestly, I just wanted to get this off my chest, I was scrolling through this sub and had a couple of moments where I (lightly) threw my phone aside, pinched the bridge of my nose, and shook my head incessantly yelling about eating my shoes if a doctor says I don't have it (the post that broke the Redditor's mind was the one about fantasizing fainting in public and having people notice).  I'm not concerned about the actual labeling, I just need to know if this is truly the case for me so I can look into this DBT thing everyone rages about.  I'll ask the therapist next week about this as the more I read about BPD, the more I see it may be what truly ails me.

​

Holy shit this is long, I'm sorry.  I had to let this out.  I think I feel better.",3.9896570201319017,5.778303497201495,4.637813259284972,84.01350399166958,72.33022388059702,7.635300242971192,27.39048941339813,8.319787513274626,1.8428987851440481,4367,160,847,71,86,1396,440,1072,0.175,0.726,0.1,-0.9985,2,0,2,0,1,0,216.0,2,4,9,14,49,57,21,7,63,2,80,26,16,10,5,141,164,64,1,16,26,0,14,4,0,9,6,8,1,2,65,38,1,5,31,8,0,11,25,37,0,6,36,34,123,20,107,104,30,111,1,6,9,3,43,36,13,20,62,560,188,15,0.0,0.0,0.08026006376098199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290596385316722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415862159921935,0.4663758537486101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024405407935856674,0.02562958218556855,0.0,0.025757554173072947,0.0,0.0,0.050136293205899664,0.0,0.02332838056886525,0.03088762783530167,0.02877064067935573,0.07273975099069263,0.0,0.0,0.20717148174793296,0.030604514691584882,0.02799406191563753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030748563101209544,0.021888867012772224,0.06066896269490382,0.06022878652974475,0.07072233981085606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028060696578517084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02805267148698871,0.0,0.06167699080682041,0.024281797171194292,0.08498192574043985,0.0,0.01810753117888132,0.0,0.02309855236526738,0.05239294197554655,0.024639082240646374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020583408011612,0.03917095717576507,0.0,0.0,0.0250570655120728,0.023319419683883173,0.0,0.03005943498772884,0.0,0.07603494244456903,0.04297005041745455,0.05259846151962011,0.015580733084892422,0.02299463272429069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02455870230632074,0.08120072747684917,0.08440794717262784,0.0,0.030899008432049707,0.0,0.01837588155320952,0.0,0.0,0.02722955486247161,0.026998524384486813,0.0,0.0586972397555985,0.0,0.0,0.02861442533766942,0.0,0.024367956884581186,0.0,0.057097582167735986,0.07533359334345381,0.022347108934722932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410193117901255,0.03872844028242303,0.05357487604205817,0.05495461742629882,0.048416381799206716,0.07278496941559037,0.046043854101327615,0.06134136237443091,0.0,0.02330748719907529,0.0,0.025940996939612326,0.018299909552982142,0.02779478677496236,0.027542329515054875,0.0,0.0,0.027618006245943457,0.0,0.029083275340304412,0.05536322690473243,0.0,0.0,0.02913809962212955,0.04030676447174293,0.08131231883804277,0.0,0.0,0.029156456949730805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242494666135288,0.0,0.0,0.07430920187793337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059376144422631616,0.0,0.0380126008215684,0.04787592293612083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030906604367543312,0.05251251207898645,0.0,0.029558304296493983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030711383299758182,0.0,0.13711347436468616,0.0,0.03512585551231833,0.0,0.0,0.029433746446665437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540518331652817,0.027447473819387516,0.0,0.06553927629742126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070693376719262,0.045356399068670665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02322887431254763,0.04221123756931683,0.0,0.030689156859465036,0.0194046733946966,0.0,0.06568162426626835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0299878621661231,0.0,0.0,0.02849496879207813,0.08245150244432198,0.022035360304204388,0.02396215952247518,0.0,0.03135175726798778,0.095493745090892,0.054640473389508566,0.08783300911378768,0.08080610815963207,0.021764666756445908,0.09591640710532093,0.0,0.1299323798926882,0.0,0.030459380274748937,0.037226345513732016,0.029819947695344712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103398824554091,0.0,0.0226204737856503,0.016170240036980713,0.021760969941244098,0.04398176134198447,0.0,0.0,0.07624270629119351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059875942130359815,0.0,0.0,0.019475025423719056,0.0,0.4663758537486101,0.0353090776817292
bpd,Indestructiblemom24,2019/04/18,"Painful Headaches When Healthy Hi there - I am really struggling, and I am wondering if anyone else is here with me at this point of the road. 

​

I have been diagnosed with BPD for about 9 months, and have done CBT with some success. Basically, my therapist says I have all of the emotional distress tolerance skills, the mindfulness skills and emotional regulation skills that I need at this point. Not that I am fine, but I have hit those checkpoints on this long highway, so to speak. But, I am struggling with interpersonal effectiveness - way behind on that one. 

​

One thing that seems to happen whenever I have strong interpersonal effectiveness, is I get a terrible migraine headache. So - whether I have confronted a client with a healthy boundary or dealt with my husband in a healthy way with a balanced but firm way, I get a really bad headache. I feel that what is happening is that ""acting out"" before was somewhat of an emotional release, and now I am stuck with these powerful emotions that still are not completely soothed with the distress tolerance skills.  My husband used to say I would get 'happy' after acting out - but it was not really happy - but it was kind of a relief. 

​

I think part of me does not think I deserve to be healthy. That I deserve to be looked down on and unacceptable - very much stuff from my abusive family of origin. The headaches are soothed by time in the dark, cold and going to sleep.  

​

My therapist has given me a book on low self-esteem to get to the root issues by Melanie Fennell, the kind of guru, which helps. 

​

But, I am so upset that my body is punishing me for my progress. It is so exhausting to work so hard, then instead of a ""happily ever after"" there is a kind of dead end. After the headache is over, I do feel good that I am holding on to my relationships and as my husband says ""no longer on a path of self-destruction and pushing away everything that I love"". Wondering if anyone else has this kind of bodily reaction to being healthy?  

​

I am a mom of two kids and I have an amazing husband. I support my family fully on my income. My stakes are high. I have to be the person that they need them to be. I wonder if this is the best I can hope for - not well, in pain, but at least not breaking things?  Is it just like an addiction to acting out?",5.945645386766074,6.885258813063067,6.061214662938799,78.8760810810811,66.72522522522523,9.547561354457908,33.55358807082945,9.668497473035632,3.1588761416589017,1859,81,346,38,29,590,204,444,0.153,0.6890000000000001,0.157,0.2576,2,0,0,0,0,0,80.0,0,0,2,12,17,31,2,5,26,0,44,9,2,5,2,64,69,29,1,7,19,5,3,1,0,1,6,4,0,2,28,21,0,1,11,1,0,5,7,13,1,3,7,9,46,18,66,55,7,46,0,1,1,1,17,24,0,11,14,264,74,3,0.0,0.06767823637814181,0.0,0.06226957783272625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713390437553433,0.4164446305816823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987970883763312,0.1170530317975772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366641899269855,0.0,0.04769307956456558,0.0,0.0,0.048605183458709136,0.0,0.05994424963690085,0.0,0.0,0.06344779638000436,0.07194104085683294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988956660299925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797592033821133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049986375158357056,0.05845391700579716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543339224340323,0.25701067800202176,0.050591647488305365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051668597778749326,0.0,0.0,0.051336058627197416,0.0,0.1076959043558194,0.0,0.05776349805031825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937203428272965,0.0,0.032462793024865884,0.04790981263489185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102261702729916,0.1216112811951988,0.05116858530247334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828654507211271,0.060350752029138324,0.0,0.05673336413912064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059618771607283065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23792808490233935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02790610208791386,0.0,0.0,0.0505496839073756,0.04796668095186871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155331706905409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767523794948009,0.06689862601560377,0.04559289282194176,0.0,0.04199000603562559,0.08470798397062428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741241144633157,0.0,0.1215600911449782,0.0,0.0,0.061855737997187535,0.0,0.0,0.04987525839386557,0.0,0.0,0.10799432674777032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977821496955648,0.0,0.0,0.06132584478781467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627310840827006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200019216558184,0.119177898184593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571615695528153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561635969406205,0.0,0.0,0.11942911692796275,0.065389098127625,0.0,0.06481945989455627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326421833583163,0.07589640225355099,0.07320078664018098,0.0,0.0,0.03330731674159761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579825072283321,0.0,0.0,0.049333614911476455,0.0,0.04713024442604654,0.0,0.1360183489519959,0.0,0.0,0.051358025704559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583364465645694,0.04158427176171468,0.0,0.0,0.0405766350042417,0.0,0.4164446305816823,0.0
bpd,idahobeachhouse,2019/04/18,"People are disappointing I have this image in my head of what I think people should be. In my head, if I like you, you’re perfect. Kind, funny, smart. And inevitably, they do something that lets me down. And I try so hard to make them into the person in my head that I end up scaring them off and disappointing myself even more. Why can’t I live in my head full time, where people aren’t assholes?",3.4290416666666697,4.6910744875000026,4.212500000000002,88.60916666666668,72.875,6.333333333333334,22.083333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.3160833333333337,309,7,65,2,6,99,56,80,0.16399999999999998,0.669,0.16699999999999998,0.0602,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,3,1,3,7,0,1,1,0,8,4,4,1,1,9,10,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,16,4,10,7,2,12,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,1,3,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586213735097436,0.0,0.0,0.11828784526180072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043026238876631,0.0,0.7351956925463756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864956049932746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313257106936456,0.0,0.08749476370602953,0.0,0.158140538923392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954456121730853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724772250474793,0.15637525922469864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930122576630672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378729184167262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475421235830692,0.0,0.0,0.1044293394615693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159095997930255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160167441799916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cactiguy18,2019/04/18,"Kinda losing it even though I know it's irrational...right? So I asked my S/O if she wanted to do some stuff over the Easter Weekend and she said she is going to be really busy (which is understandable, she even said what she's doing each day in detail) and logically I know it's fine. Plus she said she'll see if she has time to see me. But she's already been distant this past week or so, and so adding this onto it and she just didn't seem all enthusiastic about seeing me it's got me in a really bad spiral and I'm super depressed about it and can stop thinking she must be losing interest in me and shit. She bailed on plans last weekend cause she was sick, so it's been a while since I've seen her. 

A few weeks ago she was really enthusiastic about us, asking to see me as much as she could, texting me all the time, to the point that it almost got a bit much for me (I know it's dumb, I'm one to talk) Again logically what she said makes sense and nothing is wrong. She still likes me. Relationships have ups and downs like this, but it's just destroying me idk what to do. Anyone else have similar experiences? Or have advice?",2.502899197145404,3.9413543389830537,4.104210526315793,87.76068242640503,75.52542372881356,7.341302408563782,20.471900089206066,8.032893268588372,0.6504016949152547,888,19,198,14,19,297,128,236,0.114,0.838,0.048,-0.9252,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,4,14,13,3,0,7,0,21,2,1,2,3,38,45,24,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,19,11,0,1,8,2,0,1,1,8,0,1,12,9,33,5,22,28,8,24,0,3,5,0,27,9,2,8,16,136,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088394780635842,0.09873185937847023,0.0,0.11153121803566934,0.0,0.12291086064785207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787965109617426,0.11412221462492272,0.0,0.0,0.2082509718440191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299784514088127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215983710544614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441818400702015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892805577105795,0.0,0.0,0.07183103830008368,0.0,0.095931634509957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304389561494064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713119154245233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895124351096444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329995517441812,0.0,0.17816189985092046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363499544417208,0.09078975848815572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882951506388328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24921198941558176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434717276062452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637545788369285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687234088513783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547413081097087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632503869739199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529032478796653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214059094711222,0.0,0.0,0.11958069113549513,0.0,0.09511811341912743,0.4237924430025033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35502251224308284,0.10139638418115003,0.0,0.0,0.11433021221356232,0.09213488262319768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894840076275881,0.09311886500984208,0.0,0.0,0.12750372333039234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895232151085862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713679582269207,0.10943051687522078,0.0,0.12989342322506373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595075425516113,0.13397671065001718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569494926352032,0.0,0.17868501477244805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217768038751383,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kay-Ber,2019/04/18,"My brain be broken. But I'm better this way! At least I don't murder people, rite? I just ruin my own life and then wonder why fate hates me, you know, like a normal person! 







Thank God for drugs and alcohol.",0.17651162790697586,2.3638485116279107,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,87.13953488372093,4.370232558139535,10.925581395348836,5.6839178017228535,-1.271033488372093,158,1,34,1,5,53,39,43,0.18100000000000002,0.5539999999999999,0.265,0.5457,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,1,6,2,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,7,7,4,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,6,2,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059580526002758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532011576208084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195954801656054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33200671230317386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28265312867816594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733806714354906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221582653505207,0.13986733988451688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28050443156943944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847815811392489,0.24997829132948565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26357832306849976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22724449994802576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583331317708525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31047041799029285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fittekaviar,2019/04/18,"My boyfriend said ""Ill ignorere you until sunday, see how you like that"" and hung up the phone. Im freaking out. We had a small fight over the phone and he got really mad and used contact with him against me. It makes me feel so fucked up. I cried for hours . I dont know How to deal with this. How can i handle the situation so it ends well. Im really hurt and scared.",-0.007820512820511993,2.118584628205131,1.5566666666666649,99.33833333333335,87.33333333333331,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.5767025641025643,283,6,69,3,9,91,58,78,0.29100000000000004,0.657,0.052000000000000005,-0.9725,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,1,2,0,0,6,8,3,1,4,0,3,2,0,5,0,15,11,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,3,3,10,2,10,8,0,9,0,1,1,1,11,5,1,0,5,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23999753375422206,0.0,0.22525033771986694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560649485983194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351448939881447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104735108071016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019875623962492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474388463894927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151655260090634,0.0,0.2338946804542837,0.0,0.4720065582127738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007465302222825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674163354538208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458416618927572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27993652801888097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783101727376796,0.0,0.2187434415994201,0.0,0.17410572343342326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245588361750822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870247904061466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644590785556626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hazel2619,2019/04/18,"Getting Pissed at SO for no good reason?! I keep getting so mad at my boyfriend for no good reason and it's really hard to snap out of it. Does this happen to anyone else? I always regret it after when I come back to my senses. It could be because he took too long to text back, ate without me/didn't ask if I wanted anything, the list could go on and on. Right now it's because I got to his house and he had walked to the store without telling me, so he wasn't there when I showed up. Nothing to freak out about right? Try telling my brain that :/ 

What do you do when you feel like this?",1.4130571847507345,3.0549413467741964,2.509589442815251,97.14802052785929,79.08064516129029,4.8316715542522,20.14369501466276,4.851557810540192,-0.4525387096774187,453,11,105,1,11,144,79,124,0.16399999999999998,0.746,0.09,-0.8822,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,12,7,2,0,2,0,7,3,2,2,0,17,19,10,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,3,1,1,4,5,4,0,0,5,2,13,3,21,11,0,21,0,1,0,0,9,9,1,1,9,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949095774661748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881535030673307,0.15945434510043885,0.1280646224012165,0.0,0.14548667163994095,0.0,0.0,0.2393292484955851,0.0,0.1897328998987144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737269436308443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405559521141214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485049022336908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618689909039414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000320305415736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868775896597169,0.1111772354147392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261338350275667,0.0,0.08844424313353368,0.2610586904162369,0.1244660785630006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376170697250906,0.0,0.13940780744972905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956826266491493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832503847056596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602962801389647,0.0,0.0,0.1377216227329125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932464447170773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099696198127455,0.32001310912077624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658027016437511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720430484577481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729030861409725,0.1056579281491548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917905873597858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000303964066546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ohsweetwin,2019/04/18,"DAE get worse in spring? We had a particularly bad winter here and it was very difficult to get through but mostly because of depression, numbing. Now that it's getting nice out and the days are getting longer I just feel the opposite of numb. I'm so emotional I've seriously been crying for like four days with a couple of breaks here and there.",4.812985074626862,6.3881837313432825,5.4867462686567166,79.59220895522391,69.8955223880597,8.942089552238807,29.817910447761196,9.3871,2.641002388059701,278,11,53,6,5,90,54,67,0.28600000000000003,0.602,0.11199999999999999,-0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,10,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,1,2,2,9,7,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,34,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515862684003235,0.1643850005280542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983786841903396,0.29621383450216204,0.3478226387641512,0.0,0.232261672988879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033363114234456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635049383715564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635543682142492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174447286563426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222501486892617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748112041452669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GitingGud,2019/04/18,"Experience on getting professional help? I am yet to be diagnosed but I am going to be seen by a psychiatrist soon after being referred by family doctor. I’ve read so much about BPD, and without a doubt I’m 100% sure this is what I am going through.

I have also been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder about two years ago, I would say that MDD is no longer my problem. I’ve (21F) started a relationship with a man (22M) 1.5 years ago, and we broke up recently. Throughout the relationship, I’ve been exhibiting the classic BPD symptoms and I was only learning about it probably a month before the relationship ended. 

It was a pretty terrible breakup, I have never felt such emotional distress in my life. I thought I was going to literally die. It was a toxic relationship, with most of it being my fault. I also did did some pretty self-destructive behavior after the breakup (it’s in my post history).

Now, I finally have the drive to seek professional help. It will probably be a few weeks until I actually see a psychiatrist. I just wanted to hear what everyone’s experience is like seeking help. Maybe even counselling? I’m not fully aware of all the help programs I can take part in.",3.5703030303030303,6.132255066666668,5.547969696969699,73.5023181818182,76.1111111111111,9.068686868686866,29.782828282828284,9.573946990214177,3.410422222222224,950,44,163,28,22,327,133,225,0.152,0.723,0.125,-0.8276,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,2,15,0,25,5,0,0,3,24,39,8,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,10,7,0,0,4,1,0,4,4,7,0,1,11,5,19,2,25,21,7,27,0,2,2,0,12,5,0,3,18,117,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.10214637727776944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855737396801172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741495072346455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906956154295262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636655809150577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015525627546804,0.2124830907781857,0.10863471672893818,0.0,0.11996506462710235,0.10713791012883507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774376091463587,0.09270977988072084,0.0,0.0,0.06913595472121341,0.0,0.0,0.1000201526190698,0.0,0.20478181843638688,0.0986769959328876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050311334640337,0.11466486069398495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054687658792016695,0.0,0.17846533242534224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179748043388738,0.0,0.280642148832917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393409038863337,0.05113825523269354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515874458304884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354950406832666,0.0,0.07694717231046602,0.0,0.08073076724816569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960902310597537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335135617800153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024841657111737,0.21298145378899686,0.2257117844824284,0.10015854091031813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047019702652898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033525956169846,0.4495212829423512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324068307331252,0.0,0.0,0.08341134219784795,0.0,0.10919743926005404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408854403963867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986536707937261,0.1087959950326708,0.07870155356041793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309918124845693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225094060119168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173922728525809,0.0,0.08396288347262447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090165761566904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435715352841947,0.0,0.0,0.134812789868279
bpd,vidoxi,2019/04/18,"its so hard to keep friends at first my friends' flaws are easily put up with, but after a few months they become so irritating that most of my previous happy fuzzy feelings about them are gone and i dont even want to be around them anymore. for instance i have a friend that i get together with once every couple weeks, which was great for a while but lately i feel so fed up with her lying and selfish nature, her spoiled whining over how her fabulously wealthy fiance only gives her $3,000 a month to spend on clothes and whatever else she wants (which is extra shitty to complain to me about given that she knows im poor), the gross way she fawns over her dog and cat and kisses the dog with tongue, how she thinks shes a good cook but her food sucks, etc etc etc. i know everyone has flaws including me so i dont know why im so intolerant. i badly want friends but get tired of them quick, so i only ever have a couple at a time at the most, and no long-term friends. i set myself up for disappointment, because i want a permanent friend who's perfect for me and who i'm perfect for, but maybe thats impossible, especially for someone like me. i feel like i have a lot to offer and a lot of love to give but im a bitch i guess. also im incapable of letting anything go, so i have a collection in my mind of everything someone has done or said thats hurt me, and i think about it all the time. i wish i didnt want friends. my grandma is 80 and still has lots of friends shes in regular contact with that she met when she was young, which seems wild to me.",7.127425641025639,4.959960840000001,7.419384615384615,80.45994871794872,65.21538461538461,10.75897435897436,33.97435897435898,9.21078282632365,2.6193897435897435,1223,40,272,17,15,401,169,325,0.174,0.619,0.207,0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,3,19,26,2,0,16,0,21,6,0,2,4,52,51,29,0,6,7,0,4,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,13,16,3,1,9,1,2,3,4,9,0,1,9,5,46,17,41,40,11,31,0,3,0,2,36,12,2,8,16,181,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504243119308799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066105222327492,0.0,0.0,0.06693060282477077,0.07240412619349255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791013849858672,0.04958019290498534,0.08982654443155229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799881092967241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832324864716405,0.1906446902252424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794376609572683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721253097757547,0.053720059749630365,0.07357087575845235,0.06852704551128044,0.07771771716367026,0.07309737352197965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337409919554923,0.05810472281242025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918229803773304,0.09834888271834094,0.0,0.502704951335153,0.0,0.08498687288607312,0.1560451542321846,0.046223745467833206,0.06821874454704194,0.0,0.08967055446719005,0.08959810338704674,0.0,0.0,0.08658110384522567,0.07285890838656238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706927508943647,0.0,0.35141687516128745,0.0,0.0,0.07229301923515953,0.0,0.0,0.13409641863109184,0.0,0.09174781615889216,0.0,0.0,0.08316909178771466,0.0,0.07947095364980096,0.0,0.0,0.07197765517662533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744069292146697,0.07340672764654399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171050888032569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212372597550073,0.0,0.12983936849360744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661760380067726,0.0,0.12371569887500188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176270817699985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736685580014313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404303274518381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378273496987904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649530987075676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042305425509477,0.0,0.0,0.0948525242483487,0.0934809807453394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23986325147560375,0.06455880671446479,0.0652408885519687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339090154327722,0.0,0.09352959825122434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,squanchyfetuss,2019/04/18,"Meds ? So I just went to the doctor today and she gave me aripiprazole , anyone ever take this ? 
I went to a GP so my diagnosis isn't firm.  She thinks I'm bipolar and BPD so she said we can try this and if it doesn't work something else then if that doesn't work I gotta go to a psych person.",-1.8761538461538445,0.0006371538461564796,0.9234615384615416,100.01903846153849,100.53846153846158,3.830769230769232,12.653846153846152,5.6839178017228535,-1.2118923076923085,225,4,56,2,10,77,46,65,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,9,13,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,1,9,0,3,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,34,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729335687891071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114938979826085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25314495075102417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660612491525732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371726532880054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055901635954265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747194254826695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595237523616406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352602334587158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040086238994547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595566103654135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847420397572368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344327113681091,0.0,0.0,0.16791567121909828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585406750970245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601072976300795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spike_7777777,2019/04/18,"Alone DAE worry that they're going to be alone forever? I have this constant empty feeling inside that I'll never meet anyone who truly cares about me. It's hard to find somebody that will give me a chance. Idk,just feeling off today, I love all of you wonderful people ❤",2.8972222222222186,5.08792316666667,4.136814814814816,84.6396666666667,76.5925925925926,5.801481481481483,21.91111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.7268711111111109,217,6,39,2,5,71,46,54,0.161,0.541,0.299,0.8658,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196952815037171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542897565942128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25580032145222786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711242798183124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537162801649633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22931003127153154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067772122172945,0.14258726303000804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474925450217986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22643912294804736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935027770568952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393638291176391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23781554214336345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720808275303432,0.0,0.25479221409211844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Riot-grrrl-7468,2019/04/18,Is anyone else in physical pain My bpd hurts... it hurts to be alive.... my body is in physical pain. I’ve tried taking pain killers but they only work for a few hours and I’m back to pain .... I’m at my braking point,-2.2870531400966168,-0.8823183043478231,0.25550724637681377,102.33417874396136,112.47826086956522,3.7835748792270527,13.806763285024154,5.82211442006289,-0.8947700483091787,162,4,40,2,9,54,33,46,0.297,0.703,0.0,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,5,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294331403577018,0.18015698675592384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520119575407438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530572829402945,0.2214497300209202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688207659755426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315556809645172,0.0,0.3764559036942893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372543062211004,0.7483753096913129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662146823096271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322010838706799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193759502146878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800517819966514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lemonsourlime,2019/04/18,"Getting upset about the little things My partner is Jewish and I wasn’t invited to Passover with his family even though they like me and he tried to invite me it just didn’t work out so he’s in another state for a few days and gets to go to Disneyland and I’m at our apartment. He called me this morning to tell me about his night getting off the plane. The plane had to land at another nearby airport and so he was going to have to take an Uber or shuttle. Well there was a girl and an older man that were on the plane that said they were going to Uber to the same airport he needed to goto and that my partner could ride with them for free so he didn’t have to pay or wait. So once he told me that instead of being the supportive partner that was happy for him not having to pay for his way the airport my voice dropped, my mood changed and I was thinking about the girl. Turns out she asked my partner to ride with them since the old man was actually creepy and someone she didn’t know. Since everyone I’ve ever dated besides my current partner has been untrustworthy I was paranoid. He noticed how I was acting and started feeling down and guilty about him accepting the Uber ride even know he knew I didn’t want him to feel guilty and that it’s just my bpd. I feel so ashamed because I tell him he deserves someone else since I can’t control my actions and he of course knows it’s my bpd but it feels so real to me? He says he is honest nothing happened they didn’t exchange info or anything and he said he would tell me if they did and that even though he knew I might react negatively to him telling me about his night he said it was better if he did so he wasn’t hiding anything. He is the best I am worried he will leave me because it’s all too good sometimes and idk how to relax :( help?",5.041240555690958,4.917339471849869,5.448009992688276,86.2009352912503,68.49061662198392,7.961442846697539,30.35937119181087,7.1686216300943375,1.6039554959785518,1425,50,304,11,22,456,171,373,0.064,0.831,0.105,0.9584,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,6,4,26,14,0,2,15,0,35,0,0,4,2,56,65,33,0,6,9,0,4,1,5,3,0,5,0,9,15,21,0,2,12,1,4,8,10,2,1,0,27,9,46,12,40,33,4,31,1,0,0,0,60,11,0,6,10,200,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.09596790736249487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062409708492217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185468170687214,0.0,0.09193678351348962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989711735618462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320418587126684,0.08697578045084182,0.0,0.0,0.24771739065328116,0.0,0.10041849263740152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403312300975696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029926156106264,0.07851833140853688,0.0,0.0,0.0634226535345087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215238001203302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486250246724168,0.08895624853369102,0.0,0.09397029044728053,0.0,0.0,0.09270837651682044,0.0,0.1988993047863536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541393922924623,0.0,0.16767060121024485,0.082484862821357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696377891157313,0.10468721640971296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591677663704659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213908316640946,0.0,0.0,0.10413030553495406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048045084628946716,0.09856482889200482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432564875483408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291957590126384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845751898790665,0.0,0.09436209762224904,0.11196337040323512,0.10319371015261658,0.10473134935056963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193507731175066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28063816755791776,0.0782057511471727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24404932229889065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666502382654723,0.0,0.09726305803211208,0.0,0.06960719234989034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159768664307147,0.0,0.0,0.07394117738343296,0.0,0.34382205009552863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653342601882711,0.06301378060528477,0.19324163821452792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397029044728053,0.0,0.06676797233201608,0.10696819229437912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800484170507283,0.07805954728587912,0.0,0.0,0.08842154606822833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159437207427119,0.09987138825886124,0.0,0.06985955460906186,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,klaus_mikhail,2019/04/18,"I don’t know where else to ask for help It’s taken a bit of time to talk myself around and calm down enough to write this post. My anxiety is through the roof right now, and I can barely breathe properly. 

I want to write as little about this as possible, and it seems to be setting me off and sending me spiralling into all sorts of bad thoughts. 

When I was roughly 8, I was visiting family in Hong Kong as my Grandpa was gravely ill. Whilst we were out there my uncle molested me. 

No one in my family knows the details about it aside from me. In just over a week’s time I’m going to meet my mum (who has already flown out there) in Hong Kong, to support her as my Grandma is quite ill. 

My Grandma lives with my uncle. I know I will have to see him. I know I will have to stay with them for a few days at least, until we can find a hotel. I know we will have to continue seeing him for the duration of my visit.

My head is going all screwy. I have been disassociating badly because I cannot cope with the distressing feelings this brings up. I keep having nightmares about him coming into the room or trying to get into the bathroom, or potentially being left alone with him, or any number of bad, horrible scenarios. 

It’s giving me nightmares and flashbacks to when I was raped years back. And to the sexual assault I endured. To every moment of unwanted, inappropriate touches or kisses or groping I’ve ever been through. 

It’s brought it all up to the surface and it’s boiling away and tearing me down. I feel so powerless, and vulnerable and alone and terrified. There are so many ‘what-ifs’ running through my head, I can’t get it to be quiet. 

I honestly don’t know what to do.",3.9918145956607485,5.043659754437872,5.228535502958582,82.66053500986196,71.27810650887574,8.11854043392505,28.580374753451682,8.472884824447931,1.9984611439842208,1319,49,265,21,24,439,179,338,0.165,0.782,0.053,-0.9902,1,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,3,0,1,1,16,12,3,1,12,0,30,8,3,0,4,52,56,25,1,2,6,2,4,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,13,25,1,1,11,1,0,9,5,8,0,1,10,7,45,4,59,40,7,50,0,1,2,2,22,24,0,7,14,195,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531031252128944,0.13601511514734685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381772378567978,0.0,0.09428984697091357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972320880806637,0.11522692041049565,0.0,0.11580226408610365,0.094775596820835,0.3087386879064982,0.07513519111217247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456269326832188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617339187080793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948937054091078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296385615655544,0.0,0.0,0.12735551081460972,0.0,0.0,0.11149133326275124,0.10384777386222878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23238795863948225,0.0,0.12464300732773248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265296767521765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879145001630166,0.11823756422077887,0.14009747627653332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529906714944484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261532419348712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095548342605078,0.0,0.0,0.4064268188957321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339170734240722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353403349538256,0.10883654933873056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496136926292375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352087471189241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895165421864988,0.11804435605055755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310970162726221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525921860044436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964367820228388,0.11220685297646033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137358273589891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398684755479819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906781505860232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785081574673823,0.14374213005845424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836821513637417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269907672583674,0.0,0.09886784101614952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937227096295647
bpd,TheHauntedBroadcast,2019/04/18,"I love all of you! I only recently found this on Reddit and I nearly cried when I did! I realised I'm not alone and I'm not the only one who gets my messed up feelings. I read so many posts and feel welcomed and the same as so many others. 

So if no one has told you today, thank you for being here and helping others as well as sharing. You're all amazing and I appreciate you!",0.10740740740740763,2.1808110987654348,2.487901234567904,93.25555555555556,86.1604938271605,4.587654320987656,18.876543209876548,5.82211442006289,-0.2355086419753083,293,8,65,2,9,100,52,81,0.081,0.643,0.276,0.9504,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,15,12,14,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,1,2,3,2,12,6,8,8,3,7,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,3,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278426972531304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416480516438391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246652477795364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241207047886047,0.0,0.0,0.11493539397241928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745427329431746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854904353503286,0.0,0.0,0.4460694931456767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29814105326766266,0.33462373912340204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106890568772085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004895561347987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172130158375757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253670451067207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085242506488752,0.2102093214517433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779691126041676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrJoneswillseeyounow,2019/04/18,"Using orgasms to help moods Like title says I have always used orgasms to help my moods, I might be crying because i feel abandoned because my bf went to work early and didn't tell me and after a little bit if a cry I'll make my self orgasm and then I'm back to feeling good pretty much instantly. I'll be angry and I'll go make myself orgasam and I'll be in a great mood after it. There is certain moods or thoughts that i absoulesutly force myself not to orgasm once thinking. But it has saved myself so many times but has it become a bad thing? I would like some opinions from others. It's not an obsessive thing some days none at all other days maybe twice or three times. It just clears my head like a restart button. Sorry it's 3am and i went to bed to early and now im awake thinking about it and weather its a good thing or a bad thing. Please no creepy messages in my inbox.",2.5328288288288303,4.016529237837839,3.6989189189189235,90.5101801801802,75.54054054054055,5.581981981981984,22.06306306306307,5.6839178017228535,0.16453873873873934,699,18,147,3,15,227,110,185,0.113,0.715,0.172,0.7671,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,16,0,1,8,0,10,5,5,4,3,36,23,16,0,2,9,0,2,3,1,2,0,1,1,1,15,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,4,0,2,4,3,15,8,14,14,6,18,0,1,0,4,7,4,0,8,14,92,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949113358350454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118247317602516,0.21973971539358,0.16042873301351024,0.14532777980263464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365919665854887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28908483144814306,0.16972578115734346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306893513272924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478406684252553,0.22073828507338847,0.0,0.14507540813081182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504648185261664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640032043139778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213681093812222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286065147798664,0.13188499413094604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567102289293046,0.13340881848929262,0.13219707957451018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395932781338649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673176968109164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013612715302293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444328605044493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387154014663574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464346305873556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727420030003915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730115363726673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501305680909275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496828886466532,0.1686315936164695,0.0,0.10446557839422624,0.15345916783197655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272982705029283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439653989094281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579708550166152,0.0,0.0,0.09347580727504297,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Urtica-Dioica,2019/04/18,"I feel a bit of a fraud posting here. I came back because I allowed my exmbpd to trigger me.

I posted ages ago whether it was possible to stay in touch with an ex.  The general consensus was no, yet some were encouraging.

Is trashing someones reputation after moving on normal BPD behaviour?  

I thought all was good between us, despite rarely talking.  Turns out he has been doing a right hatchet job on me.  Was shocked, hurt, and initially wanted to do horrible things to him.  Then I realised there was little  point so blocked on all media platforms. 

Is it normal to destroy people when you are done with them?  Is it the BDP or just a horrible humam being?

Sorry to vent.",3.153296703296704,5.785915746031747,4.297936507936509,81.51159340659343,78.04761904761905,6.734065934065932,30.327228327228326,7.882392219407189,2.4423792429792432,528,26,91,9,13,172,97,126,0.192,0.762,0.046,-0.9593,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,1,0,7,5,1,0,7,0,16,0,0,2,2,20,21,6,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,10,2,13,2,16,10,4,21,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,7,71,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597453497300514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857041659441094,0.0,0.1098543832226821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674271742658292,0.0,0.22696826882756316,0.0,0.0,0.2061123063162662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441746450956054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911196237763345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511516528546515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929186022112939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883068304707206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061782842057394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153477995218712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531352037579055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249349687897958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703567608503092,0.20315977168637586,0.34518285599334336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389841120640946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269140361548594,0.0,0.0,0.201730414207644,0.0,0.1920799520115692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484602433809954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972355990796525,0.0,0.0,0.14306666227342252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960168025397173,0.0,0.0,0.2167705200043656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062925656587755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDahri,2019/04/18,"My brother just confessed to raping me when I was 4 I [F24] was a victim of childhood rape when I was 8 by my grandfather. I can remember that really vividly and I never told anyone in my family the truth of what happened. 

There's something hazy in my memory of something which happened earlier. It was of my brother raping me and I had told my mom. It all seemed too strange and unrealistic so I wrote it off as a bad dream. 

Twenty years later while I'm talking about my bpd and mental illness to him, he confesses that he sexually abused me when we were kids, and that he always carried a tremendous amount of guilt. Apparently I had told my mom and our parents talked to him about it. But we never talked about it as a family. No one asked if I was okay. No counseling or doctor visits. 

He asked if I remembered anything, and I lied and said no, though now I dont know why.  I kept everything about my grandfather away for so long as a way to protect everyone? I feel largely betrayed by my family, given they know I was raped at 14 and 19 by abusive boyfriends and suffered what we thought was PTSD.  

Like many of us, I dont have many personal connections and dont know who I can reach out to for help.",3.7040404040404016,4.9833613140495885,5.110358126721766,82.3698806244261,72.22314049586777,8.518273645546373,28.733700642791554,8.998388855275968,2.307787144168963,946,37,190,19,18,317,135,242,0.212,0.7290000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.9917,2,0,2,0,1,0,22.0,5,0,1,0,14,11,5,1,6,1,16,6,0,0,4,36,34,25,0,2,5,5,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,12,15,0,2,10,1,0,1,8,8,0,1,18,3,38,3,29,16,2,19,2,1,1,4,34,6,0,4,12,134,50,1,0.0,0.24946302504677986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759572507304789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360946026708165,0.0,0.08663086327148338,0.0,0.19683243853523752,0.0,0.098907624827458,0.0,0.08789871411170448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258789411181962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775156798414247,0.0,0.0,0.3701381743619572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059304182579347,0.0946127526695985,0.0,0.2977265756709538,0.0,0.05322928659223361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618546367670816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056239836772586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356617178601513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143116174909395,0.0,0.0,0.0931634579854774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346097723603788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609061225656943,0.0,0.0,0.2465893692040079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238634382716968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133583618989267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168934162285121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192048655350256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305872238264795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744069944319166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385079988052169,0.0,0.10013890841703657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583675591190156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208888549570696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538438007655864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343037199775627,0.08357515156821961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30177912547738034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663068234766642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356095599636601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499267732000026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779248108888665
bpd,itidomjh,2019/04/18,"Did anyone else experience symptoms way before they “should” have? I understand BPD is diagnosed in later years/adulthood, but I’ve had symptoms since before I can remember.

I have flickering memories of R A G I N G when I was about four or five, so badly I would scream and punch myself and kick walls. Neighbors would call the cops. My parents would laugh at me when I would hit myself. Remembering the invalidation makes my skin hot man. 

I remember boiling self hatred, at about eight or nine. I remember always thinking I was fat and disgusting (I wasn’t). 

I remember around 12 or 13 when my mom would take my phone away it devastated me. I would be extremely exhausted after school and was not allowed to nap. My mom would make my sisters and I clean up all of the projects she started and didn’t finish after crashing from adderall. I remember being so overwhelmed, and when I would cry she would laugh at me. I remember always being exhausted and my family making fun of me. I remember how horrible being invalidated and told that my feelings were unjust felt. I remember cutting myself and suicide attempts, unbeknownst to my parents, they never found out until I went to church camp and my mom found my suicide drafts. She called me and I got in trouble. I’m in my twenties and I can’t chalk it up to angst. It was too overwhelming and too real man. 

Looking back I feel like I’ve always had symptoms? I’m wondering how that’s possible. I can definitely say my disorder has manifested over the past couple years. I’ve almost cut everyone off, I no longer have goals, I loathe people, I don’t have a relationship with my estranged mom, I hate working, kind’ve hit a wall. But those feelings have always been there. I have hated being invalidated forever, with overwhelming almost unnatural emotions, self hatred, impulsivity, explosive anger. 

TL;DR any of y’all feel this way?",3.432649675765344,6.282919673352442,4.863475343085508,76.55199479716488,78.62750716332378,8.02898507012517,28.095385311416074,8.841846274778883,2.8591100286532964,1502,66,252,38,38,499,187,349,0.248,0.685,0.067,-0.9977,3,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,0,1,2,3,15,18,6,3,7,0,38,9,2,6,2,64,63,28,2,10,6,7,7,1,1,10,7,2,2,4,7,18,2,0,19,1,0,1,7,14,0,4,17,10,57,4,29,29,1,32,1,3,1,0,24,15,0,6,15,177,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263491211785073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380787010075507,0.0,0.0,0.04164152560273885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281655098975845,0.06274193005202347,0.0,0.05451164267451003,0.0,0.0,0.0575317811913723,0.04708551202870928,0.0511282077200755,0.0,0.0,0.10421201309867208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712264576136511,0.0,0.1250544390951421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775475387565344,0.06726316762780109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062151677452527664,0.0,0.0,0.07017998443987962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115352527662476,0.0688805139610222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851214081615964,0.0,0.059899041758983376,0.05772638943404192,0.0,0.12384791059494035,0.04374590308827977,0.05879467453907888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342808268852009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048974783284397014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091268330805705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376625633315493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02991605904326108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142151544292023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262341196875373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868681895437668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722778257909452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359872195273624,0.0,0.05845521104419225,0.042452257273473584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903264137169743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969820966561048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574288260576193,0.6243002509276733,0.0,0.0,0.04869609215823526,0.0,0.061972532229764676,0.0,0.0,0.1277617715118368,0.0,0.0,0.0506537695565683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04334205865713765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396109839823336,0.0,0.0,0.19093811841591174,0.04604068543982322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03923656281772954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851214081615964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374722166816355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972101118576294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567649483372215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640614859374848,0.04457940866751377,0.0,0.0,0.3914927653692408,0.0,0.0,0.039432977945127234
bpd,yourentryway,2019/04/18,"feeling alone so i found out my former/current/idk fp basically leads me on and then plays hot and cold with me, creates an entire fight based around my mental illness, and then uses my biggest trigger(ignoring/abandonment) for months at a time when he's in a relationship and when that ends he comes back to me. i just feel so naive and stupid because i believe he liked me so much and now i'm just like, was anything you ever told me real? i feel like i have nothing and no one and before i was kind of happy about that and starting fresh, but now i'm dreading it because i feel scared i'm going to meet someone just as cruel as him. he has a mental illness himself and pushes mental illness supportiveness online and stuff and he treats me like absolute shit and then when he needs someone he worships me. it's just so horrible for me. my heart just hurts so much.",3.6076245847176085,5.378703383720932,4.431661129568108,85.17197674418605,73.30232558139534,6.542192691029903,26.82059800664452,7.1686216300943375,1.3232993355481737,690,25,133,7,14,222,100,172,0.228,0.648,0.124,-0.9814,1,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,20,17,4,2,4,0,4,5,2,2,1,33,19,27,0,1,6,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,17,0,0,5,1,0,4,1,7,0,1,4,6,22,10,14,15,2,24,1,1,0,0,14,6,1,0,18,87,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644962231600495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636163482865935,0.12587758269969246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872925752286527,0.0,0.17239445210582266,0.0,0.12032251876408374,0.15931140907188568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218051318486591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524002629038114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279060253116586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859879989525347,0.10101747559962268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503977739354455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803619026803428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052484758095988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756181618883054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513735535787443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724821728367848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27632711189808784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274992750607198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286556930162113,0.0,0.20789318873439055,0.10484764448458098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567884264320595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581752054013927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094620746598595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181261719696196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156787154216918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514691775077854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239618575930666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000849232441114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187123320111474,0.0,0.16046108921831553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245252786725299,0.0,0.0,0.1351154814486314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212575662694256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lexid222,2019/04/18,"How to handle a BPD boss who is bullying you... I previously asked a similar question but it was too long/complicated so I'm going to simplify it here; I hope that's okay!  


What is the best way to handle a situation (without triggering/escalating things further) with a BPD boss/friend who is raging at you & insisting that you admit that you did something wrong (when you didn't) & insisting that you verbally admit that her version of events are true (when they aren't)?  This is an ongoing occurrence with my BPD boss/best-friend & I'm tired of falsely accepting the blame for things I didn't do.  I have been forced to falsely ""admit"", out loud, that my memory is bad, that I don't listen, that I fabricate stories, & that I am manipulative.  None of these things are accurate, but her temper is very scary & she's unrelenting until she gets her way, so when she demands that I admit to things, the only way to get her to stop yelling at me is to just do what she wants & admit to whatever she wants me to admit to...even if it's not true.   


I need suggestions on how to gently, but confidently, stand up for myself against a boss/friend with BPD, who never allows me to be right. Thoughts/ideas/opinions?",7.443987341772154,6.418985856540086,7.895622362869201,73.63178797468358,63.852320675105496,11.613080168776374,34.095991561181435,10.864195022040775,3.5039510548523207,956,34,187,22,12,317,121,237,0.145,0.693,0.162,0.3533,0,0,1,0,1,0,53.0,0,6,1,1,10,10,2,0,9,1,21,1,0,5,3,32,38,12,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,24,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,5,3,31,6,28,32,3,19,0,0,0,0,29,7,0,3,7,131,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.628108237301484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032404859550122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067133429824712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278760129840048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867439728960005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638147557109522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393864936337607,0.0,0.1009570085576798,0.0,0.054909786750475566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596268947437753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550319011465922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716404366735616,0.0745171482924307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348174162606261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108233386620106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825105690763998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860179167366192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438064822676002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077631344363352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675272362908563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104726944993963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797193164787058,0.11397466695524792,0.2300707314181179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931355422448276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563575145532952,0.0,0.0
bpd,slytheringurl201-,2019/04/18,"I hate my fucking life My boyfriend says I spend too much money on makeup but he has an entire room full of video games and all kind of stuff, I just had my tax refund of 3000$ and it’s been a really long time since I had the opportunity to by things for me, I have no dept anymore towards him and anybody, yes I spend a lot for myself, but it’s because I never can normally and it’s frustrating me that he tells me I spend too much even in front of his mother that we live with, it’s so disrespectful I can’t believe it !",1.2676991150442447,2.8627912123893857,3.3320442477876107,91.30001327433628,79.35398230088495,6.289911504424777,21.034513274336284,7.1686216300943375,0.3840060176991149,409,11,95,5,10,139,78,113,0.086,0.846,0.067,-0.2598,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,5,5,3,0,4,1,7,2,0,0,2,13,9,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,9,6,0,0,0,2,6,1,3,3,0,0,3,1,19,2,12,6,5,9,0,0,0,1,9,5,1,1,3,69,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011786357190185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759403290294054,0.0,0.0,0.2727861954390068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991789869453354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383592960989696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390432574211632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213059888175543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101643312107348,0.0,0.0,0.2137962918090013,0.21426847666313026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584166554262048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35597194414964034,0.0,0.1867377793564017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372260776203118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510819636000706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925434482919965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028406853917174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27716933842464364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162344889327855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608536912404684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118205037711806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlueMarie83,2019/04/18,"Meds Hey guys. I just started on Wellbutrin and klonopin today.  Any of you have any good/bad experiences with these meds, in particular Wellbutrin?",5.156266666666667,8.636813159999999,4.18,79.93666666666667,77.4,6.533333333333335,32.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.6939333333333337,119,6,19,2,3,35,22,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006711093074619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459755665478981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28817166471018224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470933605811184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29169660752256066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6544600517842198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851674464926706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792428022742181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NotesOff,2019/04/18,"Am I the only guy here? 23M here. Just curious. Most of the posts I read here are from women. Is this mental condition more common in women? If so, is there something inherently 'feminine' about it?",-0.09105263157894684,1.644431868421055,2.720394736842106,84.01901315789479,111.89473684210527,6.110526315789473,17.907894736842106,7.1686216300943375,1.253147368421052,153,5,28,4,8,53,32,38,0.0,0.9229999999999999,0.077,0.4291,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,23,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391006733289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469090284824183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372755780908327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42471746709797736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44358561593534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414014906874981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mal1gnanttum0r,2019/04/18,"Bah Ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for years, before being labeled as possibly having bipolar disorder. The thing is, I couldnt fully relate to any of those labels and always felt like something was missing. Now I have a term to describe the intense feelings of loneliness, anxiety, paranoia and stress I feel when around other people and I'm happy about that. I'm not diagnosed yet but I feel like this is progress.

I'm at a strange place in my life right now. After dealing with years of abuse, stress, and failure, I'm more capable of dealing with my emotions and shutting them off when necessary. I feel comfortable with the fact that I'll probably be alone for the rest of my life (as sad as that makes me feel) and I'm doing pretty well for myself, in a material sense. 

The thing is, I have this gnawing sensation in my chest that tells me that everything is wrong, and feel momentary bouts of depersonalization when I try to reconcile the reality that I'm living with the warped and fucked up things that go on in my head. I dont know if thats what triggers it exactly, but I get thoughts like, ""I shouldnt be here"" or, ""this isn't right"". 

It gets worse when I'm around other people and I'm aware of the fact that I should be enjoying myself. The more I think about it, the more disconnected I feel from the experience and my actual body. Otherwise, I'm overly excited and feel like I'm smothering the people I genuinely find myself interested in. Either way, I feel as though I'm making other people uncomfortable.",7.328310810810812,6.953590750000004,7.77027027027027,72.30412162162163,63.7972972972973,11.454054054054055,34.37837837837838,10.9516,3.742085135135136,1226,47,226,30,16,405,151,296,0.174,0.6890000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.8837,0,1,1,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,1,1,14,18,2,2,15,0,20,9,3,3,3,49,51,25,0,4,6,0,10,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,23,19,0,0,15,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,4,10,28,10,38,40,6,29,0,3,0,1,4,16,1,2,15,155,51,0,0.0,0.11964490058204985,0.09854200649099436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458492476150086,0.0,0.0,0.08402352866371343,0.0,0.0,0.06866992758135931,0.0,0.15449899306991954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978738773938366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592662359280613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121661215818489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821208853413672,0.08697400814260604,0.20498534229708268,0.0,0.0,0.1157319377566341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183479196696006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358901570021007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075439845103653,0.09877790979664944,0.0,0.0,0.4595271328140332,0.1442804005651394,0.09695672731314596,0.0,0.09229397772555688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335447096364766,0.10551586402336427,0.0,0.05738931526487244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749518919906847,0.0,0.0,0.1036347105697195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549601953729915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426504553396055,0.1973350955119944,0.0,0.08916727422002077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480999551594516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800275340961982,0.0,0.10550270710513096,0.0,0.0,0.11383988494966718,0.0,0.10273305995309323,0.10887362197426664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247289933678464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773941082832808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313447160553169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826105419878504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126006501022292,0.06470396769175356,0.0992124309605835,0.08016691610818304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855885622346464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015329943867612,0.0,0.0,0.09079323292615966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290734411507596,0.0,0.11040588212554124,0.0,0.1300557412637699
bpd,curiouscast1999,2019/04/18,"Every time I get romantically involved with someone I feel so bad that they are putting up with me which causes me to break things off Does this happen to anyone else? I could like them so much and no matter how much they tell me that they have no problem with my BPD and it’s not “putting up” with anything because they WANT to be with me, It’s just so hard for me to believe that. Like will I ever be able to confidently be with someone?",4.177333333333333,4.831471177777779,4.682222222222221,88.21000000000002,70.55555555555556,6.888888888888888,27.222222222222207,6.42735559955562,0.9232222222222228,346,11,75,2,6,110,56,90,0.138,0.72,0.142,-0.3208,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,5,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,18,11,6,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,15,2,15,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,58,23,0,0.19324981063527774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512476087808914,0.198007268201901,0.15902812820183893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613555198304741,0.11780329088337205,0.0,0.0,0.2177263599227083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24339137146480444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852078863272274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542942489120611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691142115744244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143541951168747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480551748006454,0.16282130025621028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771291076431643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096504996513986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089016932747564,0.0,0.17311387219802707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888241921028332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841216928502539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491396982095712,0.0,0.3885388712886139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274798748638641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890885232542913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283865872228462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268551865524075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398374524263187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ember732,2019/04/18,"Boyfriend said something that really triggered me — do I tell him or let it go? My boyfriend knows I have BPD but I’m not sure he knows the extent to which certain things really trigger me, because I mostly try to keep it to myself out of fear of being too needy (it’s a fairly new relationship). 

This week I’m traveling out of the country on vacation and although it’s amazing and I feel very lucky, I’ve also been having a lot of BPD episodes and just feeling really anxious and dissociating. Earlier today, my boyfriend and I were texting as we do every day and he said he would “let me go” and to have a good day. The logical part of me knows this is probably because he wants me to enjoy my time here rather than texting him all day, but my BPD mind is telling me that he just got bored and wanted to get rid of me and he doesn’t like me anymore. 

SO, basically I’m wondering, should I tell him how that made me feel, or should I just not say anything? I don’t want to come across as really demanding or needy but I also don’t think it’s the mature thing to just ignore him. 

TL;DR when is late enough in the relationship to tell them when they’re triggering your BPD/abandonment issues?",4.472204356846471,5.168753925311204,5.511760892116183,82.3739483921162,69.91286307053942,8.846576763485476,28.755446058091287,9.017664075816787,2.1656491701244813,940,33,193,17,16,311,129,241,0.096,0.7829999999999999,0.121,0.8051,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,0,13,10,0,1,8,0,19,0,0,5,3,55,42,24,0,7,13,0,3,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,13,13,0,2,9,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,6,6,30,7,23,30,6,19,0,0,0,0,22,5,0,7,11,129,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958831295161152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127231774912845,0.09895510522200647,0.0,0.0,0.08211056839135059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165011664513113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026784652124037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595177116412836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304984232847547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309957635475804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406908677996743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228041852831028,0.15135553815702704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213101439373465,0.0,0.11341472669767184,0.08369086267409016,0.07980330761630695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414456147860772,0.0,0.08868918924377131,0.0,0.0,0.16450969643692515,0.0,0.11255636458549373,0.0,0.0,0.20406394417694526,0.0,0.04874754521389732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482952234307081,0.0,0.0944143982873315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074951567249657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636829857459256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805218784255864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757988681174532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556868974807291,0.0,0.0,0.21425309648452776,0.0,0.0,0.1898275597795848,0.07934918669571257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681564061219556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404161826896963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488490250773462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257900686995205,0.06393509643864828,0.0,0.0,0.058182612666561974,0.0,0.0945799230011586,0.0,0.0,0.06774417768710159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232908035177641,0.17655876759176709,0.0,0.0800376242745615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820732524873583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708809615640931,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deanisded,2019/04/18,"I can't cope when people have romantic feelings for me It's weird. I desperately want a romantic relationship, and I really want the validation of feeling loved. However, when someone expresses having romantic feelings towards me, I freak out. I'm in bed crying right now because someone told me that I'm their ideal boyfriend and they've had a crush on me for a while. I know when people have feelings for me, it's because of an idealised idea of me they have in their head, and I know I'm not that, I will never be that, and the pressure to live up to that scares me so much. I really wish I wasn't so awful because I'd love to have a healthy relationship, but I don't think I ever will. Especially if other people's feelings terrify me so much.",4.721599999999999,5.510920626666668,6.3080000000000025,76.55400000000003,69.4,9.466666666666667,32.33333333333333,9.642632912329526,3.0729333333333333,594,26,114,13,10,204,80,150,0.113,0.718,0.16899999999999998,0.6158,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,1,8,7,0,2,7,1,12,3,1,0,2,23,29,13,0,5,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,5,22,3,15,23,2,14,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,1,7,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845331252884543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090498487054953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073732528550506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933472439850029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967712191763733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756387552600519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710130636518626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373861483128779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808466366733233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22874865555599375,0.0,0.11999826579403718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235932521282985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934599884170426,0.0,0.0,0.33408436603096003,0.0,0.13287042547564618,0.0,0.0,0.15576970309772262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636566759308856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969385045679643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867002095803825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353845648266665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891734136918833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilyjordan31,2019/04/18,"seeking support i’ve been diagnosed for almost a year now & i find it really hard to keep up with work, my social life, and just being ok within myself. if anyone ever needs anyone to talk to/vent off of, i’m here. my bestfriend has bpd as well but she has trouble talking about it in depth so it’s sometimes hard to find people to talk to that could ever understand what im talking about. so if anyone needs it, i’m here.",1.9465909090909117,3.82615047727273,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727276,78.31818181818181,5.763636363636365,21.227272727272727,6.6274283507984215,0.4606772727272728,334,9,67,3,8,112,61,88,0.081,0.861,0.057999999999999996,-0.4471,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,2,16,12,7,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,5,3,15,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,4,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551056029103595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782935481878572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249198865699823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950856287541206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367155984618344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721580807104102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802239379485902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831436067694015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751212707798223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731386503845327,0.0,0.0,0.13767835660120012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094073671639165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970630000043485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738512949689412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923010952566186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789659248475324,0.0,0.0,0.15319574278336426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577372996586227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979969733478661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125181777272393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926977726223094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276586641359125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974770989931807
bpd,Coolboy615,2019/04/18,"Empathy Hi, I'm new to this sub. I've recently been diagnosed with BPD.

I have a hard time feeling bad for others. Not in a psychopathic way.

For example, let's say my best buddy is complaining about his gf cheating. I would understand why it's not nice for my friend. But I wouldn't really feel as bad for him as most ""normal"" people would. And i'd probably fake feeling bad for him to be a good friend. I do care for that friend, but at the same time I don't.

​

Is this normal for people with BPD?",1.5834285714285734,3.5567978666666704,3.5640476190476207,88.2117857142857,79.85714285714286,7.628571428571428,21.92857142857143,8.548686976883017,1.343171428571429,396,12,86,9,10,134,67,105,0.147,0.706,0.147,0.0217,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,1,13,1,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,0,18,17,5,0,5,4,0,4,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,5,10,7,16,11,3,7,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,4,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988523574302207,0.1793060790514031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696286430394191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485902674347934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717026950035908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045105352115765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497740759541697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383796136129988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342022106564907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376945246695695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218811425247814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508939078414319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425179663423659,0.0,0.0,0.2891622419633912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460421555507352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909865499891832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453310162246108,0.0,0.14570137745368322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173485978902112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209119090767455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361904314308286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712921737308467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315331087343565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096500746391571,0.0,0.1793060790514031,0.0
bpd,merrricat,2019/04/18,Ever isolated yourself and dissociated so much you felt invincible? Like nothing could hurt you at all cause your core is numb. ...Invincibility that edges recklessness and shamelessness. Thankfully I'm aware enough to step back. Sometimes a surge of mania doing everything creative replaces these feelings. Idk.,7.788125000000001,11.98248822916667,6.9508333333333345,59.47750000000002,72.95833333333334,9.866666666666667,37.16666666666667,9.725611199111238,5.358641666666669,257,14,31,8,6,79,46,48,0.142,0.62,0.23800000000000002,0.7701,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,8,7,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,2,3,5,3,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336910741010962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122033516692433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426505656430471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140243597855901,0.0,0.0,0.2749075742819053,0.0,0.0,0.2731382688345549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366802868396842,0.0,0.2918050596133309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325346177581296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484770085207702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341172781127888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29161363916622524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30057867537794514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798031402645142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DrewIsAWarmGun,2019/04/18,"Parent with BPD Hi. This is technically my first post here, but regardless, I have a mom with BPD and was wondering if anyone had any advice how to maintain a relationship with her? I don't live with her anymore and our conversations consist of attacking me and then apologizing the next day, and while I realize it's not her fault, it still wears me down. Any advice at all would be helpful!",7.538599999999999,7.081387893333337,7.927833333333336,71.61975000000002,63.4,11.766666666666666,34.75,11.20814326018867,3.8268,312,12,59,8,4,103,59,75,0.071,0.838,0.09,0.3462,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,0,7,1,1,1,1,17,8,9,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,10,0,8,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,2,6,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38875446469463226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27053775894119314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727002341954367,0.13908584739266494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262942918902464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5010524337399136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828358487025748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919682024905955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332839196788546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756454054054336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296660000847685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154813766795968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208713362626953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905053853719079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356004455954614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588536096423063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571460651872648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413033609168336,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mcwhoredick,2019/04/18,"My family is tired of my sh*t I didn’t know if it was okay to swear in the title that’s why I censored.

Honestly my family is so done with me. I hit a breaking point yesterday and my whole family got upset with me and told them it was my fault that I have a mental illness. My bpd has been spiraling out of control. I was so caught up in suicidal thoughts yesterday that my family didn’t even want to deal with me. They told me it’s my fault that I’m the way I am. My mom set me up and appointment with a special mental health therapist but she wants to come to the appointment with me to tell them how I’ve been acting. I don’t want her there and I’m 18 so hopefully they’ll let me be there on my own. 

I heavily rely on my boyfriend but I’ve been making a conscious effort to not be so clingy because I’m worried about pushing him away and he’s the best thing in my life at the moment. Things used to be much worse with me clinging to him but we’ve talked about it and he understands my mental state and we’ve worked on finding a good medium so I don’t feel like he’s abandoning me over little insignificant things and I don’t feel the need to text him constantly when we’re not together.

Yesterday my family told me that I rely on him too much. They asked what would happen if he died tomorrow and I started crying because they were being so insensitive towards me and I was already feeling suicidal. I’ve put so much work into my relationship to make sure I’m not clingy or controlling and my boyfriend is amazing and he helps me with it and reassures me of things but my family basically told me all of that didn’t matter. 

My family doesn’t care about my mental illness even though yesterday I was in a state of crisis. I feel like I’m spiraling again. I’ve gotten more depressed because I feel like my family doesn’t care about me and that they never have. I want to cling to my boyfriend for support again and yesterday in my crisis I called him multiple times to talk to him and apologized for it and he reassured me that it was okay and things would be okay. 

My fear of abandonment is great but honestly I want to cut my whole family out of my life right now. It’s impossible though because I still live at home. I often fantasize about running away just to be free from them. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so bad about myself at the moment.",2.7861270491803296,4.3897474897541,4.3290655737704915,85.75486885245903,75.12704918032787,8.322622950819673,24.7,8.982922981607832,1.7979342622950814,1877,61,396,42,40,627,195,488,0.151,0.684,0.165,0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,8,6,30,30,1,2,13,3,39,6,0,6,3,75,79,38,3,11,12,1,6,3,0,3,6,0,1,0,23,29,0,4,12,0,1,6,13,9,0,0,22,6,81,22,61,46,9,52,0,3,0,0,38,24,0,5,20,278,104,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200233359331924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470807272516799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060997685098009416,0.0,0.1226045096613945,0.0,0.05447900888496946,0.15909729118549262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847331601119466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217705041939143,0.0,0.06662508038487389,0.0,0.13304852482427434,0.0,0.0,0.056205017890360864,0.0,0.07050946079558976,0.1463614315429578,0.0,0.0,0.07167140938889838,0.0,0.06726739611516612,0.056197650181038,0.0,0.06771669296347227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677093391734093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619083032681811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535865544286597,0.07342167411617738,0.19794683959860596,0.13983866534548772,0.0,0.0,0.05963511150978613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054726579454363856,0.05218445497440133,0.07193569386756367,0.0,0.0,0.05769822478293165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935513276317012,0.0,0.0,0.04373408151039389,0.0,0.06544864868308968,0.06480557509030532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717167337460996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672007730557113,0.09217259913095603,0.0956300241548161,0.06539522229001554,0.057614813795831915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710654057118382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630168810156861,0.0,0.0,0.0764171840940237,0.0,0.0,0.1438934494970856,0.04838025824182827,0.050322960680149915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616800586178678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559184539620162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005148909603749,0.0,0.05572108190498521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618257717154304,0.0,0.05210680643317368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427405378618824,0.07404218733105453,0.0614950775959327,0.0,0.0,0.10488707612361098,0.05702926603474728,0.0,0.0,0.07575747625938907,0.21673798433957775,0.0,0.1282108438555904,0.05179929502792832,0.038046392081758966,0.07499250175593428,0.0,0.2493874580430873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792503806638171,0.0,0.056352965034508325,0.0,0.0,0.1924235835358962,0.05179049671167358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887579771811726,0.1456931992023882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500203935099256,0.06626209073782967,0.0664928643527208,0.09270002604573398,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Holofernes_,2019/04/18,yeah i'm crazy but do i deserve this my brother has denied my BPD as well as my mother. i keep losing my friends as well as my relationship. im at a loss as what to do :((,-1.9507692307692288,-0.1453071025640984,1.6725128205128217,96.96415384615385,94.3846153846154,4.1456410256410265,18.056410256410253,5.6839178017228535,-0.5113528205128208,129,4,33,1,5,47,26,39,0.23800000000000002,0.541,0.221,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,3,7,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027756283191253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470759036230653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34543778313009604,0.0,0.0,0.28425203301820184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577732644067321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343344430000239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5750753902365541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Emmxnuelle,2019/04/18,"Does anyone else have no memories of their past? I thought it was only because I was young. But it seems like I can’t remember most stuff even if it was last year. When I’ll think about a time frame, I only remember the same 2-3 stuff nothing else come to my mind.

Yesterday I was in a place I already went (I think it was two years ago on a date with a guy) and it felt like it was in another life. I don’t remember anything. If I try to remember the guy, there’s only 2-3 memories that comes to my mind. And it’s always the same. 

Is it normal?",0.5630404889228444,2.1672421260504184,3.0072421695951133,92.77051184110009,81.52100840336134,7.016348357524827,21.742551566080976,8.00094639256281,0.8761529411764708,419,13,101,8,11,145,70,119,0.021,0.9279999999999999,0.051,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,10,1,0,0,0,23,18,6,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,9,1,12,2,9,9,3,17,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,12,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860249804399508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519877562444554,0.0,0.10194261613403233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846806513803946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566560691840516,0.12553149174543166,0.10081972416439272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468424250988544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107231456264652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721404040907942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046917693060434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080920257363168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763398409098975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426189891033068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986639197007584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653624074889947,0.11970965877941968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474112304614676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003906636466258,0.1175568176777022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27953541673689863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695479939152476,0.0,0.0,0.1280025029008854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.555144200172335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153340658246337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805016121596631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700582552653167,0.0,0.0972635318396838,0.07143970715497316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831799053637613,0.0,0.11967973050259505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357299078487562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779178426013002
bpd,pothosgonerogue,2019/04/18,"Sexual question?? So I’m taking lamictal and latuda and my libido is gone. My body just won’t cooperate and neither will my mind. My SO says things are fine but we have had sex in months. I get so anxious and clam up whenever he tries to initiate. Whenever we have I get into it once we get going, but it’s hard for me to get there. He’s patient about it and we’ve tried some stuff. I guess I should get over it? 

This and dry mouth are the only side effects I’ve experienced so I don’t want to go on a different med. My psych recommended Maca root to help this libido issue. Have y’all heard of this or tried it?",0.5311648351648373,2.6326333692307697,2.917582417582416,90.68384615384615,84.53846153846155,6.483516483516485,19.285714285714285,7.7094869923839395,0.5975714285714284,478,13,108,9,14,164,85,130,0.04,0.88,0.08,0.6063,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,2,0,11,3,2,2,0,22,24,13,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,10,10,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,4,15,1,12,18,2,10,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,4,1,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113321483982528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778895594934824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954449084094264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886732043576392,0.0,0.2126286570911544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607508336121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675750384414749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538687994448858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952490553503939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778895594934824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888406156576235,0.0,0.1493148720475887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921995275575632,0.0,0.14227267093268714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095575398429455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487629649133652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414664031879094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406508935135036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242788172667506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810180726992479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033679882619483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,piscespowers,2019/04/18,I don’t wanna be here anymore  I feel so hopeless and lost. I feel like I don’t have anybody anymore. The only person I thought loved me betrayed/abandoned me. I’m so hurt. I feel so worthless and hopeless. I’ve been so alone lately and I try to distract myself but it’s no use. I’m so unhappy. Everything has been so tough these days. People honestly don’t like me and I doubt it’s just my mind telling me this. I just feel overall hated and useless. I literally just want to die. Every night I pray that I don’t wake up the next morning yet here I am. Still living this terrible life. I can’t seem to find a purpose. I don’t want to be around anybody anymore. My heart feels empty. You know that weird aching yet empty feeling? that feeling that almost eats you up. I’ve been feeling like that for weeks on end. I’m sick of it. I just wish I could die I don’t know what to do anymore,-0.6611955691367442,1.527608042780752,1.4649102368220035,96.45518048128343,96.9144385026738,3.740947288006112,20.58231474407945,5.543175910156928,-0.07812895339954196,692,26,151,5,28,229,98,187,0.315,0.55,0.135,-0.9919,0,1,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,2,0,1,16,17,1,2,3,0,17,6,2,1,0,33,39,12,2,5,5,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,6,1,0,13,0,0,0,8,12,0,0,5,8,27,5,12,31,0,13,1,6,0,1,5,4,0,3,12,93,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194540454862012,0.12355088622770714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4732237808133925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619547290596763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524522556256904,0.0,0.0,0.07693368966592909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476132275215341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206584387633387,0.0,0.0,0.1056576042645546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050894040860962,0.0,0.10721226202780226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48254232632749794,0.17044494123567547,0.0,0.0,0.10903103642782766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777648731756947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136199575430172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770491586339353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111989919349185,0.0,0.13456695408553968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425970673204554,0.17484063303053907,0.0,0.10533732062737926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022167953856506,0.0,0.1076659931793354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045125568482075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686875557159025,0.11194777880477433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072719911578683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270228736274006,0.1041614688509518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859926486445944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526701579858417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426676206460077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470479186073212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099166743661627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303027910806052,0.0,0.0,0.14072342427083478,0.0,0.09568911851883573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371803022724225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idiotwith1friend,2019/04/18,"Just got diagnosed Hello friends. 20, male. I don’t know what to say really, I feel my emotions losing their shit, going from elated that I finally know what’s going on, to feeling depressed and terrified because I live in a place that has quite a lot of stigma and poor treatment when it comes to mental health. I’ve already had like 4 people who I thought were my  closest friends drop me and decide they hate me just because I told them I have BPD. I hope being a part of this community will be good for me. From reading other threads, you all seem wonderful and supportive. So, again, hello friends!",6.182955665024629,6.541421137931034,6.334926108374388,79.15982758620692,66.06896551724138,9.042364532019707,33.8128078817734,8.841846274778883,2.818932512315272,476,20,88,7,7,152,87,116,0.165,0.618,0.217,0.7263,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,2,5,11,2,0,3,0,8,3,1,0,1,18,23,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,3,1,2,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,8,1,1,3,1,4,0,0,5,3,17,7,10,15,3,11,0,2,0,0,13,4,1,4,4,58,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804248400870432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967024921838748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320183326022825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897995383696846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389617354653709,0.1637565033444266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148556205002667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315650370845936,0.0,0.0,0.17673986739325506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739521935338287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183386255656977,0.13532417160794258,0.12903817871737522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928965266981845,0.0,0.17149666545049322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024682799671291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733627208898106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882247790514961,0.0,0.1424660014749947,0.0,0.0,0.18049796985567074,0.0,0.13716533050539872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625925733766758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471528364047914,0.0,0.1118527044662945,0.0,0.16856575416859276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160473964986722,0.16138346332522588,0.0,0.10335840881258057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830388664025108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468776966816262,0.0,0.0,0.16561298873388586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308649589493195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280857813409508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416709533816972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496613349798498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mid_world_lanes19,2019/04/18,Just wanted to say... Im so happy I found this sub. Ive been struggling with this since i was diagnosed at 14. Im now 30 married with children but at times I feel so alone with this. My husband doesnt seem to understand how very very hard i try to keep myself in check. Ive made monumental changes in my life for him but I cant get him to read a single article about bpd so i can try and get him to understand that when im being an emotional wreck i truly dont know why and there isnt always a reason sometimes I'm just irrational. He always tries to solve the problem but the problem just usually isnt solvable and then I feel so bad when i have an outburst towards him and then I just spiral spiral spiral. I just am so glad to have found a community I can talk to and maybe get some advice on how to educate my husband to the problems I experience.,3.0183892902677414,3.904307779005524,4.899668508287295,84.73291117722059,73.41988950276244,8.000169995750106,27.182745431364218,8.384062270229773,1.7290710582235445,672,24,145,11,13,231,99,181,0.168,0.746,0.086,-0.9477,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,1,8,0,15,2,0,4,0,34,30,19,0,4,8,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,9,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,5,4,23,2,21,24,2,13,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,7,97,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016695604764555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736205489216085,0.0,0.0,0.2046453500694252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026766038242247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487911072631694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008822299751027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481413777973048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412243710750658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383271105825966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029035349351665,0.0,0.0,0.12435682197423913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696652176576769,0.0,0.0,0.1927436095075408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090613411670926,0.1101588869772108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984930534580649,0.0,0.0,0.10930329195868163,0.0,0.0,0.0675822744312743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868588621390038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635921614683395,0.0,0.0,0.12354204738892695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530032026326484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300542216927092,0.0,0.0,0.12643584517880574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779238477698146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194922153309332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172382840873924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162259496443754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855718519170795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884035137427537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717060461758449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504700413445522,0.0,0.0,0.2560366778335955,0.0,0.0,0.13543644341925673,0.202929795234586,0.0725321567243262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096323301149766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,minnehaha_1,2019/04/18,"Missing my ex My ex messages me, and she’s being so nice, telling me she wants to be friends and fix the relationship, etc. But I just can’t reply, I feel like shit for pushing her away and hurting her. 

I also turn into an anxious angry mess when I’m involved with anyone, and it’s best that I just stay away from her - we have such a good connection but I keep getting triggered by her and getting angry, so I have to stay away. I miss her so much, but the moment I start hanging out with her, even as a friend, we’ll fall into our old habits and I just can’t. It all feels so overwhelming. 

I had to delete her number because just the sight of her face in my WhatsApp contacts was making me feel terrible, ugh. 

Anyone else ever feel any of these things?! Can’t just be me 😔",2.3443573817486865,3.7591699813664623,3.605217391304347,91.27331103678932,75.8944099378882,5.9476349737219305,24.18585762064023,6.297961479604792,0.5463909221213568,601,19,131,4,13,196,98,161,0.154,0.747,0.099,-0.8494,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,0,1,15,14,1,1,6,0,11,2,2,2,2,30,25,16,0,1,8,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,12,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,2,5,30,6,18,19,4,17,0,4,1,0,22,7,1,0,6,96,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484495798837834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061634249142354,0.0,0.0,0.17636530016434165,0.0,0.21831821146287594,0.15995807270841447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400250118807428,0.0,0.0,0.09516613980653876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383286267121194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304138924114301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410928139956974,0.10311236034006814,0.14121478433002155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157453567543191,0.11152845220235033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412278315046149,0.0,0.16312709073754586,0.0,0.0,0.13094169668584646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671241340648782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876201709731975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626981101192384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420784862259316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476234891700406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381623285178631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760888272314267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602496101055474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104988667747749,0.3327952336706034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645122589043648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371574356976088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698080849183069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208056034845724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StukInARabbitHole,2019/04/18,"So I did a thing... I've been spiraling lately. It's been awful. I'm too depressed to function. I've been drinking every night. I started smoking again after quitting years ago. I started cutting again. I've been whoring around. It's been rough. I look at myself and I hate me. I want to be better, but I can't. This is who I am, and nobody deserves this shit. 

But, I broke down and scheduled an apt with a new therapist. I haven't been to therapy in years... Often therapy hurts, because digging into my past just makes me angry. But wtf... It can't get much worse than it is now, and I don't want to get back to my suicidal states... 

So I'm nervous as shit. Bc I've heard bad therapist stories. I've had bad therapists. I feel bad for this poor guy bc he will have to deal with me.... But I'm going to try to follow through. I have to do better....",-0.5523305084745758,1.6471565988700585,1.8862500000000004,94.67479872881357,93.18079096045194,4.531920903954801,20.369350282485875,6.21433560688645,0.18533163841807893,646,23,142,7,24,219,100,177,0.303,0.657,0.04,-0.9955,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,4,1,3,1,20,4,2,1,0,18,36,11,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,0,1,1,1,2,4,12,0,0,9,4,19,2,21,25,1,23,0,3,1,1,5,5,2,1,15,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176387783963774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813940413523698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204525238193522,0.3324201417274553,0.08089835144273191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347411650612181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368174507815475,0.11430231704701395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000458128071002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181330055991416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671018045101127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867025333951472,0.0,0.07542174781413878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314030616603074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102294902118236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206803974215432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970185957019344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144237994130646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858448160342756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975565979029373,0.0,0.0,0.1281714592805125,0.0,0.12453867872475145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668603370834794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115266546248192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724483582760304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786463707662449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516242370980234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303529277770513,0.4622571428976275,0.08816615542573769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901008966677282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565507552845252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524210421832272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092086347614904
bpd,shieldedtoad,2019/04/18,"Anxious Thoughts My friend (I'll call her B) invited me out with her and another girl today (N) and I thought we were going to meet at 10 but now it's like 11 and N hasn't answered my text yet. These are people I haven't known very long, so I still get a lot of paranoia that they don't actually like me and just tolerate me, so this is sending me in a spiral of worries that B invited me without asking N first and now they're going without me and talking about me.
The worst part is I know this is almost definitely not the case. When I check the facts and try to be objective about it, B and N almost certainly like me and consider me a friend. Emotion mind is just very high and loud right now.",2.7461038961038966,3.824628421768708,4.391886209029067,87.37703153988869,74.3061224489796,7.79443413729128,26.969078540507113,8.296473431620573,1.6170870748299315,546,20,121,9,11,184,90,147,0.08800000000000001,0.768,0.14400000000000002,0.8211,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,1,12,7,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,2,30,17,14,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,7,13,0,0,5,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,3,1,20,6,12,13,3,17,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,3,12,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.16195301813802254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323699304706253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402352833735402,0.0,0.18748755922917307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515019528007928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694637135106869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668266026892247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116548961183698,0.0,0.0,0.2564405657167402,0.0,0.08670724926626466,0.0,0.1886377829513748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753458498396084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120727473246287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432390163400251,0.0,0.0,0.14686937587095555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410932556076025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757228821391393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797185052695998,0.0,0.11505576637708285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172893159609218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253586887007965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339236002798605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635074011756484,0.0,0.0,0.15731067301524032,0.0,0.0,0.112675944816443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738687583559376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31995903176379065,0.0,0.0,0.1685404339709295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SniffMyPeanut,2019/04/18,"Do any quiet BPD males here silently stalk their person of interest instead of talking to them directly even when you know them? Do any quiet BPD males here silently stalk their person of interest?

My friend who is male also has BPD but the quiet type, whereas my BPD manifests outward in full force. I've noticed some strange things about him but i know if i ask directly he won't answer. There is a person i know he is somewhat interested in or has had feelings for in the past, he gets the opportunity to talk to her as she tries to approach him quite often, however his replies are super short and almost always have an air of nervous out of place laughter (like laughing at everything, even stuff that isn't humor related).

Despite having so many opportunities to talk to her and its clear he wants to be around her because i will sometimes catch him staring at her wide eyed with an expressionless  almost vacant look, he seems to keep her at length, but will silently stalk her on social media, he won't like or heart or react etc to anything but he watches everything she does, all her posts, pictures, updates , even when she follows or likes someone on social media he will follow them too. 

It's odd because he could directly speak with her... it's clear to me that she takes somewhat of an interest in him yet he prefers to just silently stalk her and i don't understand it. He isn't vocal about his silent stalking XD I just notice it because we are close friends. 

I'm trying to understand the reasoning behind it tbh. If i am fond of someone or like them my expressions become loud and i can become stalkerish like i will like everything they post and try to talk to them or cling onto them anytime i see them but i know i do this and i'm forward about it too...but i think i also get away with it easily because i'm a female > . < also most people just tell me i'm cute, so i guess i'm less perceived as a threat, than a man might be. 

But i don't understand why he doesn't just approach her more directly when they are already friends at a distance. 

Explain this to me. Have you been in a similar circumstance? What would you do? and what is ur reasoning behind this behavior. 

I'm trying to understand my friend as well.. sometimes i struggle, i wish i could help him more, sometimes he does lean on me more to introduce him to others, since i come off as more social. But he is very well capable of being social as well once introduced to people. 

Thank You In Advance for all your responses!! <3",4.692880418970034,5.944834272912427,5.38216118708176,81.46158044806519,69.81466395112018,8.29981961012511,30.11818446319465,8.676224119757912,2.353795065464067,1992,79,376,33,35,645,226,491,0.052000000000000005,0.768,0.18100000000000002,0.9973,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,1,5,11,5,29,28,1,2,13,0,39,2,2,3,4,71,71,35,0,8,19,0,1,6,4,8,0,5,0,7,19,15,0,1,17,0,0,8,7,3,3,0,2,11,67,25,61,56,13,41,0,0,5,0,80,26,0,18,13,259,86,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793625011880628,0.0,0.07600501238683582,0.1652373665158896,0.057309319305792715,0.0,0.0,0.09367439975572804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056678060496921485,0.061313140348748435,0.06438860492533649,0.0,0.06471010598162644,0.0,0.0,0.16794166221839468,0.15213352650804735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469814059259325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932950875019378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099817859022469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054553647690573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681356568979202,0.13647339189634206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570058465594064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034825149049111284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284988063286095,0.0,0.07196844073692274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587331519298704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161692441764737,0.04616530105397575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121905294119116,0.0,0.0,0.15140707154028862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189237786355865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783745340646978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069828198199998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306523814017064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682874574234454,0.0,0.07334937354689777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574875353268711,0.09549817545846166,0.18041635628606845,0.07195946689304702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131925966229551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325678719518565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416294525253916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488426795324175,0.06270099643796896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056973914738902114,0.0,0.0,0.2808365844330114,0.11671472442598832,0.0,0.2043567017941467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200285540527658,0.07884512418198181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051785249345356166,0.2214356985989055,0.06019957763959612,0.06341062710032452,0.0,0.0,0.045757331359482234,0.04413216635591983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704576896672426,0.0,0.0,0.2868042243614534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682889167925222,0.040624119025837034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857800473030218,0.0,0.062148759790551324,0.0,0.07920257706051538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048926654708589534,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,funkmonk89,2019/04/18,"Therapy and work How do you manage it? I’ve been signed off for about 3 years but I applied for a job and told them I had a long term condition that I needed treatment for once a week and could they accommodate it. (I didn’t want to go through the stress of the interview if they weren’t ok with it) and they said no they needed someone full time so couldn’t let me have time off.

I need to get back to work but will also be starting more therapy. How do people go about it? It’s different I guess if you’re already employed",3.0320945945945965,3.944062873873875,4.17260135135135,89.85998310810812,73.41441441441441,7.712162162162162,25.58671171171171,8.07648339933343,1.2406657657657658,413,13,94,6,8,135,73,111,0.067,0.892,0.040999999999999995,-0.5588,4,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,5,2,7,2,0,1,5,1,12,0,0,2,0,19,23,12,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,6,1,13,1,13,12,3,13,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,8,65,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988450191900258,0.14409851089177292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855559617891994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386768478491424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882610255021847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941422514779318,0.0,0.2048131586588952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985004717685367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881155670618035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425729264721044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594631802375713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008275662085218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189731219668124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249216067158963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140270602867452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267507292890006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753996968748785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206407942905607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.412127747813728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101413992034992,0.0,0.0,0.1721800232212565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628119743152052,0.0,0.14453818403076324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623620846032201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603696196328862
bpd,almorton98,2019/04/18,"Im so confused by what peoole find hurtful... Anyone find themselves completely confused by what others people find hurtful. So in my opinion I can be  empathetic and give advice etc to friends who have issues so it's not as if I lack complete emotional intelligence but I constantly find myself in sticky situations between me and a friend with how I word things....

So today for example I'm interested in shrooms and my friend has done lsd and shrooms in the past so wanted to come to him as a familiar person and ask a question or two - I specifically chose said questions as I thought I wouldn't be engulfed by his experience entirely and hopefully it won't get in my head so I can be aware but not sucked in by it where it plays on ur mind. After him going off on a bit of a tangent for context in which he says he will never do them again etc I say 'ok dude, I just wanted some bits of advice pls don't go into it bareeee cause I don't want it lingering in my head from an influential person when I may come to do it future'. What I meant by this was that he's a real close friend and we can be quite similar in ways so I wanted to avoid having his whole experience in my head tainting mine. - I really hope this makes sense so far!!

So now he's said I have upset him with what I've said. I understand that he has my best interests at heart but I genuinely don't see how me saying (or what I intended it to come across like) ok dude that's enough because I value u enough I would take everything youre saying on board and put me in a bad trip. 

The whole point of this anyway is just to say like does anyone constantly end up confused with how ppl take what you say. Like I'm learning everyday that you should be more tactful here and there like it's completely by accident and I feel like a lost puppy when someone calls me out on it cause I'm like lol how have I gone through 20 years of my life not knowing this etiquette? Idk guys 

(Just to note because I bet people are reading this like what the fuck do not do them, my boyfriend asked me whether I wanted to and ive said no but not ruling it out in the future)",2.8337267080745363,4.3263265995423374,4.238696305982348,86.91165675057209,74.76659038901602,7.46568159529258,25.529192546583854,8.146662555663855,1.4434809937888202,1672,57,355,27,35,554,215,437,0.08199999999999999,0.737,0.18100000000000002,0.9931,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,3,2,3,24,30,2,5,13,3,32,6,4,8,1,81,68,37,0,12,16,0,1,7,4,6,1,10,0,3,31,22,0,1,12,2,1,8,12,11,0,1,10,12,52,19,54,47,12,51,0,3,1,1,41,27,2,14,22,242,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364987933024387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767116295093213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305868369938444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831566756522595,0.08515082169437985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329551721523997,0.0,0.15250009658057687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131712046073395,0.0,0.0,0.14349521264417134,0.0,0.18048968983884067,0.2196859642027044,0.1509501130845049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061119744481569635,0.07147324565990047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856354315928178,0.061859827954936275,0.14433218619197227,0.15578595922803973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277004035689937,0.1366389616399917,0.0,0.0,0.035314525508325915,0.049895579281865485,0.0,0.0,0.2553395452081611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584092945167505,0.06456837365350007,0.036489884545998205,0.06699940200797752,0.07938633711895253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691551711128082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503602279992576,0.0,0.0,0.08276383699588702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873895471627032,0.0,0.0,0.14953593126205902,0.0,0.07544201102292933,0.0728975460892765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838367556237995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933190562343946,0.2388510222196649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624146646452867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662048894310451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052113291308748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386693161246565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667268043839042,0.09684015274336613,0.12196775778712088,0.0,0.0,0.06602384785226154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021112038199911,0.156479429738001,0.0742862198928164,0.06986151704261087,0.07949618822948165,0.04474296864112818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657452888865372,0.3332499121705251,0.0,0.0,0.05565552290694395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850602739276624,0.0,0.0,0.05917742243006966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105025911382755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640033107133517,0.0,0.0,0.05544723611510361,0.0,0.0,0.06620263409062803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682260879268409,0.07270862705300213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205974924266376,0.05543781818154817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559535745068369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961419097752957,0.0,0.0,0.044976355235155335
bpd,vanityler,2019/04/18,And my day is gone I don't even know what to type here. I thought I was doing okay.,-3.2601666666666667,-1.717365349999998,-0.5999999999999996,111.23833333333332,102.5,2.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.2183333333333333,63,1,19,0,3,21,18,20,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,13,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827820018655344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944400976982938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114083679849505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943010038816765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Slimebby,2019/04/18,"My relationship is ruined Hey y'all, I've been in an ldr for a little over a year now and it's falling apart quickly.

I'm extremely scared because I've built my life around this person and we've planned many things but since Decemeber things have started shattering.

I'm at a point where I'm not 100% sure what to do and I'm extremely scared since I'm almost completely dependant on this person. 

Would anyone like to talk? I'm kind of sinking and I feel like my whole life and everything I've worked for is imploding.",3.1536190476190447,5.070550266666672,4.243809523809528,85.4161904761905,74.90476190476191,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,1.9399523809523809,418,15,85,9,9,136,69,105,0.121,0.8140000000000001,0.065,-0.5689,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,4,7,0,2,4,0,6,2,0,1,1,13,14,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,4,10,12,1,14,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,2,6,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363463553505285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822778766810594,0.0,0.0,0.16325246150673592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179043183377482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227678071571255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481555381595098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272549525710977,0.13101102827958366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096834725042705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590619760603585,0.17918631829001716,0.18380099586090634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592466759798895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202512445917929,0.0,0.0,0.1733590895745617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968879836556031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672028490516124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30339766548886393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980158761305668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283917856491246,0.0,0.0,0.14739875765665664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436670812790073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474397185166288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350722598732906,0.0,0.0,0.13027218584850087,0.0,0.0,0.11809460141426045
bpd,ladykyleth,2019/04/18,"Once again, I am an asshole. This morning I had a doctor’s appointment. I am nearly broke again. From my last visit, I had an amount from my deductible that needed to be paid on top of my copay. I had to pay at least ten of it. This means of the $70 we have, I had to pay $50. I tried to close my eyes and just calm myself but I was irritated.  I said, “Fine,” and I tossed my card onto her desk. 

“We can reschedule you if you need, but I don’t have to take you throwing things at me.”

I picked up my card and I hold it out while holding eye contact. “Take the payment,” I say in a measured tone. 

She looks at me and takes the card and runs it and my hot ass mouth needs to tell her to go get fucked in another language. 

Goddamn I suck.",-0.1216249999999981,1.5994520875000011,1.9537500000000032,98.86625,84.375,4.75,18.75,5.602791699666715,-0.546125,554,14,139,3,16,185,99,160,0.16899999999999998,0.7979999999999999,0.033,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,3,0,1,3,5,2,0,7,0,12,6,4,1,0,21,26,10,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,10,0,2,1,0,3,4,1,3,0,1,7,6,33,2,22,18,2,20,0,1,3,2,13,12,3,1,4,96,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23143767410466276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259099369096889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404636074661744,0.11531385606258901,0.0,0.12543674453575382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799112133738768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853440121488876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404220434858469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909694802287808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23505300425742426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994937619865653,0.17552048046110144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978479506875322,0.0,0.19291359823499946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466324480054627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985018890842355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,counttilda,2019/04/18,"Romance makes me uncomfortable I hear a lot of people get romantically attached very quickly, but does anyone else have the opposite problem? 

I generally have an incredibly hard time becoming romantically attracted to anyone. A few years ago, I thought maybe I was aromantic.  but I honestly have no idea.

Anyone flirting with me makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I’m very affectionate and love to show it, but something about romantic gestures makes me... bleh. And the problem is I know that some people are very genuine in caring and that’s just how they express it. I’ll fuck people just fine, but I don’t ever feel comfortable with explicitly romantic things.

I just get a skin crawling feeling and freeze up in situations like that. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me because others seem to enjoy romance, but it just makes me feel ill.

I don’t know if I sound ridiculous or not. I don’t mean to offend anyone who is into romance.",6.024204244031832,7.907305637931034,6.6518390804597685,71.21168435013264,67.33333333333334,9.491777188328914,34.07427055702918,9.851270322608157,3.680149071618038,767,36,126,18,13,251,100,174,0.156,0.537,0.307,0.9887,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,8,20,3,0,6,0,11,4,1,6,2,44,33,12,0,3,12,0,8,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,8,0,0,11,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,10,19,14,13,31,3,9,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,5,7,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961122667126187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34584516662077724,0.12669746132833964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537792943958145,0.13656540104510467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260728230067948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082098726758636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329650020599568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185152692641537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126142248530508,0.08833797207393798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431552195117088,0.12920753495198592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076910624232376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393663030359415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958957173186465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591328565482658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082155364322128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051256492950566,0.1116019687042281,0.0,0.4126978291066875,0.0,0.12422640195565217,0.13469473941650442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571769733452684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23663909666761976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256935826076404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899153703138858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038876731415186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821497858005795,0.0,0.0,0.09816694116012152,0.0721032579850985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060808709794301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519551780841185,0.0,0.07962869797153939
bpd,runfromtheborder,2019/04/18,"Does BPD affect memory? SO of pwBPD seeking insight. My husband of 10 years was diagnosed with BPD last month. I am desperately trying to understand what it’s like to be in a BPD state of mind, especially when it comes to recalling memories of shady behaviors. 

I know it’s likely different for everyone, but is it really that a person with BPD can’t always remember things they've done? And, even when there is proof, may not be able to access the memory? 

In our case, it all came out at once and was a total surprise to me. I told him that whatever he did in the past is done and we'll figure it out but that I need him to be honest with me going forward. 

This past week, I found his old profile (it was deactivated but visible) on an escort site and was shocked to see the sign up date listed as 2012 with several posts each year looking for providers. During our conversations about the behaviors, he said that it started in 2016.

I made an effort to be calm and understanding when I asked him about it. He said there was no way it started earlier. I showed him the profile. He seemed genuinely surprised and said he really didn’t remember that but acknowledged that it was him. 

I am trying to be sympathetic and patient. It’s just so hard to understand what we’re dealing with when he can’t be honest with himself about even the general timeline.",5.073730460498524,6.140752015209127,6.125823827629915,77.1674598648078,68.77186311787072,10.102999577524292,30.200464723278408,10.25414643259724,3.1135671313899462,1072,41,204,28,18,357,144,263,0.037000000000000005,0.8740000000000001,0.08900000000000001,0.9407,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,3,0,0,1,14,8,0,0,11,0,25,1,0,2,3,45,45,18,0,1,6,1,1,2,0,2,1,3,0,1,22,18,0,0,11,1,0,4,5,1,0,0,17,6,22,7,35,20,3,32,0,0,2,0,25,11,0,2,18,141,44,0,0.10428203802821794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677100949936854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748962851601577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253583053229546,0.0,0.0,0.119270870452365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982974199862075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075102021981689,0.0,0.1058440734789856,0.0,0.1089525344391056,0.0,0.0,0.09125791422274668,0.2134334617062847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775460522062755,0.0,0.0,0.0996459562445242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143398721499682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059265885391945675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341622299355157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731068088940824,0.08500377933120591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189387258276876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087570647841298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867418581649444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529513094110007,0.0,0.08323692784544766,0.0,0.0,0.07732380984501766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942645678366453,0.1110569671025089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909801011298264,0.0,0.09105505326052347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998733662132388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361148771014167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362624410351576,0.0,0.2975882955337721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309928286751189,0.09493445086144917,0.0,0.11780902026987924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762272650615355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928035234328922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996459562445242,0.0,0.14160131713680826,0.0,0.0,0.32568383787291705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277422785747261,0.0836487607106696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430842693850809
bpd,thekoipondepisode,2019/04/18,"disproportionate love / loop of overthinking ? DAE feel like they give out more love than they receive? i feel this in general, with friends/family, but even more so with romantic partners. 
i can’t tell if its just me, but it’s like i have really high hopes for someone to love me and take care of me the way that i do for them. and then i get almost offended when i don’t feel they’re reciprocating my affection/gestures/interests. i keep telling myself that, rationally, different signs of love don’t mean the love is unequal, but i get caught in this loop of overthinking—maybe they’re cheating on me with someone they’re more emotionally invested in online, maybe they don’t really care for may at all and they’re just using me to pass the time, etc etc. 
does anyone else experience this or have any coping mechanisms that have helped stop a loop of bad thoughts?",7.547212121212119,7.316354024242424,7.364848484848487,74.91393939393944,63.3030303030303,11.696969696969695,33.484848484848484,11.20814326018867,3.610757575757576,694,25,134,18,9,221,97,165,0.09300000000000001,0.669,0.23800000000000002,0.9843,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,0,5,13,2,0,4,0,10,5,0,1,1,28,30,11,0,2,7,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,5,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,2,3,19,10,20,27,6,15,0,0,0,5,15,7,0,5,6,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437061694004642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844617921617692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684510421834582,0.12725988731627366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370369460653844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532649522930969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976492088855046,0.0,0.0,0.1086902299293228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375504638023923,0.1397108191873991,0.0,0.0,0.27703669038344275,0.08203441774215499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149363748103495,0.1170868318596549,0.0,0.18840117526189812,0.08873011545782955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978110347287014,0.11914611998370045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325015314481317,0.13122650109502731,0.0,0.1233608633034493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039667058113294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213578957368912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604869194958985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495557171996192,0.13529266632910067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913428927344914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210472334434856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383864620152453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933846382503329,0.0,0.21711648980215406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860271657571057,0.07242333342844487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072708699317753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858596851217917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RathgartheUgly,2019/04/18,"Everything is sex I get depressed, I need sex to feel good about myself again. I get angry, I want to work it out through sex. I feel lonely, joyous, tired, or bored? Sex is the answer. Sex is the only thing that evens me out and I know it’s not healthy but what else can I do? It’s the only way I can feel like anyone cares, the only way I can level out my constantly raging emotions. Is there a healthier solution?",0.8733591731266159,2.9813680930232596,2.81806201550388,91.8779715762274,83.18604651162791,5.682687338501292,18.857881136950905,6.937597516519254,0.2055958656330752,320,8,69,4,9,107,54,86,0.16899999999999998,0.655,0.17600000000000002,0.3841,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,5,0,8,6,0,0,0,14,17,3,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,12,3,7,17,0,8,0,2,0,5,0,4,0,1,3,45,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467302415453543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395349777868325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677058289267124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074133236811726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753006476754956,0.2360501772710851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860228551370804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885973895489812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183155826965682,0.1499150860679627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927330080368665,0.0,0.0,0.1760101152746927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153266904274692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252088194943007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555992520465224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787954080259262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941334535561484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411888155700744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377348431931608,0.33313433389187946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277146922221674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,L-star18,2019/04/18,"Went on a date last night and now feeling guilt and emptiness I met a guy last night for a date and we ended up sleeping together, throughout the whole date I found him to be a nice person in general but I didn’t feel any strong/obsessive feelings I usually do when first meeting people. 

I now feel like a horrible person for having slept with him, and guilty in a way because I don’t like him romantically yet I feel like I should because there’s nothing wrong with him and I don’t understand why I don’t have those obsessive feelings towards him, I just felt empty the entire time. Anyone else ever experienced this?",4.638255280073462,6.149612752066119,5.451680440771352,79.92277318640956,70.2396694214876,8.352984389348027,29.973370064279145,8.841846274778883,2.469687970615244,497,20,92,9,9,162,75,121,0.136,0.7,0.16399999999999998,0.5316,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,7,7,0,2,8,0,9,2,2,0,1,22,21,7,0,1,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,8,17,4,10,13,1,23,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,19,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049007719376264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786082367349643,0.15805561395860418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806856572486813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886281689198933,0.0,0.13662685676983702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953524857729369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679850666932658,0.22040398072098089,0.14811193047560264,0.0,0.0,0.13121182878857401,0.0,0.1691360029776848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273973386098388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514818182623148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260880917458478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28952148303806285,0.0,0.14801477091301352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694311733355884,0.26938437956630923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436946539123614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994911649978933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605880828110081,0.0,0.0,0.16989346194825672,0.0,0.0,0.1224428695443573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299876897839606,0.13919390770574536,0.1722236174210813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686569750303297,0.0,0.0
bpd,KaiMha,2019/04/18,"Gaming and BPD I've found gaming is great for distraction, and when I want interaction but not have people around (if that makes sense) it's good for that too. I was thinking that others maybe get the same joy and release from it too. 

That's why I was thinking it would be great for a gaming forum for people with bpd (or other mental illnesses) to be able to game together. I'm not sure if this is me having a wild idea or something that's worth doing but if people streamed games too that a % of the earnings would go to mental health charities. 

What's everyone else's opinion on the idea?",4.665254237288135,5.563194974576278,5.162500000000001,84.32137711864408,69.59322033898304,7.933898305084746,25.76694915254237,8.07648339933343,1.4267932203389837,469,13,93,6,8,150,72,118,0.034,0.7659999999999999,0.2,0.9713,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,6,0,11,2,0,1,1,26,19,11,0,6,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,5,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,5,12,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,6,1,63,17,1,0.15913927274938452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416676922320539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008606861870169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329404420766449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206439487574674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448799854947072,0.0,0.0,0.083143701780293,0.0,0.09044251606945487,0.13347847167052815,0.0,0.3509032200343644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691576052447097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592977368704018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622670029691902,0.0,0.15987678924882698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207499139499347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309814026639118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251318700389875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998688123036188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039400404312149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386446622396964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359844112586534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609594686473825,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mybustersword,2019/04/18,What's a clear sign that you are being critical or judgmental? For you like when do you recognize it,2.6454999999999984,5.05386455,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,78.5,10.0,25.0,10.125756701596842,3.0289999999999995,81,3,16,3,2,27,18,20,0.10300000000000001,0.67,0.228,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moki_toothless,2019/04/18,"Not meant to be here- long post (venting) Long time lurker posted once before (sorry for poor formatting I am using my phone). Shit ain’t been going well at all with my wife and I. Just need to vent a few (let me know if against any rules- I don’t believe it is but if so I can change it!) Does anyone ever feel like they just aren’t cut out for living? Just not cut out to deal with all these emotional swings back and forth. The impulsiveness and everything else that comes. It feels so good to give into the anger side and argue and fight but at the same time that’s not me, it doesn’t feel like it’s me saying these things when I’m angry, it’s like I’m watching myself say this stuff and it doesn’t feel real. I don’t feel real at times. I think I’m dissociating during these times but when it’s done I feel relief. I feel good. 

Then comes the guilt and shame I feel for saying these things to my wife. Lately she’s seen a side of me that I’ve under wrap since before we met. I’ve been able to cope with it. She even said “that is not my husband, I don’t know who the hell you are.” Those are words I never wanted to come out of her mouth. 
Sometimes it feels best if I wouldn’t wake up and just let her be. But she’s pregnant.. almost 6 months pregnant with our son and I hold onto that. It’s not fair to her to have to deal with the worst my BPD has been since we have been together. I’ve put her through hell, lying constantly to her over the stupidest shit, haven’t done that in a few months now. And just my inability to open up to her and put her first over myself. 

I’ve been in recovery from drugs and alcohol for almost 3 years and self harm for almost 2. Man those thoughts are persistent still. Everyone expects me to have a grasp on that... since I do run group therapy sessions for substance use disorder... but hell I’m still a person that struggles. And my wife is now even more afraid I was honest with her about my cravings to use and self harm. I do have good coping skills with those though. 

Well this kind of strayed away from the beginning of the post. Everything just seems so cloudy and like I’m drifting through life with no purpose. No identity. My identity has becomes her and I’m lost. Idk who I am anymore. I don’t know who I’d be without her. She can barely look at me, and we haven’t had a civil conversation in a few days now. 
Luckily we do have couples counseling tonight and hopefully next week I return to individually counseling. Because without being right myself I cannot contribute to a relationship at all. But it’s hard to mend a relationship at the same time I’m working on mending and repairing myself.",1.8655052512063577,3.936154249077497,3.0834870848708498,91.52015256883341,79.38745387453875,6.309452171444793,20.939682089128574,7.395310329662975,0.5400631847856938,2081,57,452,29,52,671,238,542,0.171,0.733,0.096,-0.9932,1,0,2,0,1,0,57.0,5,1,1,6,25,32,10,4,19,0,47,7,4,3,5,101,87,36,0,8,22,5,10,4,0,1,3,4,0,4,35,40,1,1,17,0,1,8,22,18,2,1,15,17,60,14,66,65,11,67,3,1,3,0,48,26,5,8,34,301,95,2,0.07171455596552741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664105053800598,0.2154353059599874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048768357253469084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112156924176886,0.05014448497757673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737818602843693,0.055144066862131934,0.0,0.04371652768614236,0.07920309273741445,0.1220476102000684,0.08079774656709167,0.07526000204932018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032197275153672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586449120075191,0.18532721977065095,0.0,0.07749795793597877,0.0,0.0,0.07935079214320154,0.0,0.046249955800575296,0.14786911644974698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219109419424926,0.0,0.06275789120129747,0.14677777902949918,0.0,0.0,0.08316611705536073,0.0,0.0599083092983682,0.08066922294587484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473357571829044,0.06486992160663263,0.0,0.06852633148484069,0.12890483744110626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32634930849731203,0.1024657862220372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061000364668879724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068795136783279,0.040757034817799985,0.18045230120946704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424215597077668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122873548735932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467967430489743,0.11823733338296892,0.0,0.08089714279530381,0.0,0.0,0.14666598456914648,0.05065411172983654,0.14014443841045748,0.0,0.06332526678913293,0.12693025060804689,0.06022216523858991,0.0,0.07828490936919867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144837487498216,0.0,0.0,0.05317543455659945,0.055310686622753256,0.0,0.07626924385323745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637366159337529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261838410972491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604816264216594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418587287724668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325373000628582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398918936725026,0.0,0.061243838952883774,0.06821696519128823,0.1710908799458928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528623834066001,0.1496278444710858,0.0,0.14722792226550596,0.1779690653173722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092752958635445,0.08027857404623384,0.0,0.0,0.11454267406307728,0.0,0.0,0.07497162479463201,0.08209600902333829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201184473210649,0.0,0.09528792876276276,0.045951791755856335,0.07045918712144209,0.05693334684299321,0.2090866714834059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858150522441028,0.0,0.0,0.042299103168543684,0.0,0.05752509104021429,0.0,0.1289599967698914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826054562174175,0.0,0.05220905085914322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461818227877234
bpd,ladyaudley,2019/04/18,"I wish my brain would stop claiming it can read others' minds Why does my illness make me believe I have insight into someone else's state of mind, all evidence to the contrary? Why does it have to be all 'I can tell from the fact that he only texted back with five words that he hates me' rather than 'it's the middle of the work day, he's busy and I literally just sent him a video of a cockatoo screaming 'what the fuck', what kind of answer am I expecting?'",3.2724772036474192,4.451914606382979,4.083313069908815,89.70500000000001,73.14893617021276,7.073556231003039,25.130699088145896,7.447530270364453,0.9980231003039512,359,11,78,4,7,115,66,94,0.115,0.856,0.028999999999999998,-0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,7,0,7,3,1,1,3,18,12,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,10,1,10,9,2,7,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,3,49,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664902463900734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295240252121529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274202291976828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313833178802515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565555826581673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701829181881733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883369628308591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011325043587037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121442760010582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359854801416079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114006668192506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549391494620232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377632568492612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261230813165948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032004175028131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780613045359334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676533848741526,0.0,0.2342693212639253,0.0,0.0,0.14831145687641306,0.0,0.0,0.14471769247531002,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,queer_artsy_kid,2019/04/18,"Rule 9 sucks Rule 9, which dictates how short a post can be, causes the removal of posts by people who are in crisis and aren't in the headspace to think clearly enough to write more than a sentence, which is usually when they need the most help. Instead, they get their post taken down and get a lovely mod comment that says ""This is not Twitter. Posts which are only a sentence long contribute little to the community and distract from posts which need attention. If your post is about the size of a tweet, consider elaborating or not posting it at all."" Which is so obnoxiously condescending, and not helpful at all to someone who is already in a crisis and can't even think straight enough be able to write an actual coherent post. Which is why being able to make a post using just the title or a single sentence should be allowed here.",11.667169811320756,7.859425496855353,10.32990566037736,68.20165094339623,58.18238993710693,13.115723270440256,42.85220125786165,10.504223727775694,4.384605031446541,670,26,122,10,6,210,96,159,0.124,0.792,0.084,-0.8365,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,0,8,3,1,1,15,0,16,1,0,5,3,29,27,11,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,18,21,7,22,0,0,0,1,13,9,1,4,3,89,15,0,0.1988215084125448,0.0,0.09701055593162744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097022392716224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212222852238237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054357665294604,0.0,0.06565986558809063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387603209041668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332658661114013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996356918568798,0.0,0.08797538919855116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972208692613785,0.0,0.06635745036984418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742362922971644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560635819401906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689188999853519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8568722057313134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905542180033738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423040943888388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739679453011174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585897352713866,0.10948690111264264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970274331747245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wendypan105,2019/04/18,"Struggling with paranoia and taking driving me insane Partner and I have been together 10 months 

I woke up early today to see that he was active on Facebook 8am which he isn't usually on st that time 

I asked why he was up early and he said postman woke him up and he was going to go back to sleep so I said ok and he viewed and ignored it 

Later I went back on Facebook and he was still active when I messaged him he viewed it instantly and didn't reply I messaged him again 

He's still constantly active and viewing my messages instantly and I've escalated and started acting crazy ( I'm meant to be seeing  him today) asking why he's constantly on 

Because I'm convinced he's messaging someone else but when I look over his shoulder at his phone it's just me and his family group chat on the messages but that makes me think he's up to something like he deletes messages etc etc 
I feel sick and I can't breathe and I can't focus and I keep crying 

Why does bpd have to fuck me over like this and why is my brain not seeing any logical explanation right now why is it just paranoia 

He doesn't know I have bpd but Its getting worse I'm scared it's going to ruin this relationship like it's done in the past and I've tried so hard not to be crazy but it's all blurted out to him 

He didn't even answer me he just changed the subject to let me know when you're leaving at 2 

I've got no one to speak to about how I'm feeling that can reassure me that everything's ok and give me logical explanation behind it",1.0644894561598228,3.279363399371072,2.9746281908990007,90.39459489456159,83.24528301886792,5.753755086940438,23.18941916389197,7.048011613610866,0.8451010728819832,1203,44,254,16,34,402,150,318,0.14,0.777,0.08199999999999999,-0.9678,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,17,12,1,2,3,2,21,6,4,2,1,43,53,28,0,0,9,0,3,3,1,0,1,3,0,1,17,20,0,2,9,1,0,6,9,5,0,1,15,13,31,7,30,35,3,43,0,1,7,1,42,16,1,0,24,147,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965800256994345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152219257598824,0.0,0.0,0.15752942143345533,0.0,0.06244225086531269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580217405047556,0.11434918669405444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836060963799468,0.0,0.0,0.22138752490728086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112517921369618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963987291725399,0.10482459820932513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556968899685156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228479907858662,0.06765607898731507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206024155254884,0.0,0.09656478539983107,0.0,0.10358647947731613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469772588003587,0.053517053142375114,0.0982631379183554,0.17464522874899382,0.0,0.08192508632927151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175991396332604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910472222555392,0.0,0.0,0.1125890766950564,0.0,0.0,0.10846183468413242,0.0,0.10474475772212068,0.0,0.15013087687505364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601798332378423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837487197709584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817611020111259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694113016025247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977839592139034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099747864474603,0.0,0.08747728509698192,0.19487461970109649,0.0,0.10255337618264253,0.0,0.24487769261009446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250704945562517,0.0,0.08679121078134898,0.07885798441901276,0.0,0.0,0.07250265665403383,0.0,0.1636063696545052,0.0,0.0,0.10708528904253437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701692332997105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563497744216623,0.0,0.0,0.059729548911537214,0.0,0.1941891530145664,0.0,0.0,0.06954533303312899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281555884112053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949564853814292,0.4621495820093901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438805301405152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dragoncatmouse,2019/04/18,"I want to understand peoples behaviour on the DBT programme I am on the programme and have found it difficult to remember to complete homework and diary cards every week because it is usually paper based and I don't carry it around with me. I want to understand if others also experience this, if you have time could you fill out a short survey:

[https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScCwMqX4HmgFwkCqKEfetn-83vYsxmWttR6OrsQZ2CfCIwCvQ/viewform](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScCwMqX4HmgFwkCqKEfetn-83vYsxmWttR6OrsQZ2CfCIwCvQ/viewform)",21.003181818181826,25.07949159090909,13.908636363636365,24.73295454545456,34.60606060606061,11.44848484848485,37.71212121212121,11.20814326018867,4.750921212121212,479,14,45,8,4,129,48,66,0.04,0.9179999999999999,0.042,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,15,11,6,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,9,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,36,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932641949192664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188677400060305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519414657199956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613355669768599,0.0,0.0,0.19900712582871893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000522842656888,0.0,0.0,0.2438158985776279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732915210939245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279968009218238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823534812212043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453406160516005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189594249400331,0.0,0.0,0.2745154303183914,0.0,0.2940301105436202,0.0,0.19993460393463425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,8stringfate,2019/04/18,"DAE feel like the most human side of them are their lows? DAE feel like they're addicted to the pain? I know it sounds messed up, but I struggled with drug addiction for 2 decades (I'm only 32), and when I finally got clean I realized that the thing I was addicted to the most was the comedown. You see the world very differently in those times. Things that were just normal everyday events, seem to have this grand meaning. You see a newfound beauty in everything. The sun rising in the morning with a cup of coffee is a moment to die for. 

Now that I'm coming up on my 2nd year clean, I'm realizing how much this same mentality applies to every part of my life. It's like I feel that the things that are the most ""me"" are the parts associated with my lows. I've been diagnosed with bpd and severe recurrent depression back when I was 19 so I've spent my whole life in that hole, but I'm comfortable there. 

For instance, I'm a musician. And I can't seem to connect with music in any meaningful way if I'm not in a low at the time. Wether I'm making it, or just listening. But music is my whole life. So even if I'm in a great mood, I find myself searching for those trigger songs to bring me back. I love that connection I have when I get goosebumps and cold chills, and start welling up with memories of times past. It's almost as if I can't truly appreciate anything unless I'm on that cliff. 

It seems like everyone I know does everything in their power to avoid the pain, yet for some reason I choose to embrace it. Yet I see things from an unusual perspective, where I view pain, and suffering as the most essential ingredient required for growth. It somehow makes me human. Makes me see life through more than a white picket fence type perspective. 

I feel like maybe I'm more damaged than I realize because of the way I feel, how I actively seek out the pain that I should be working to overcome. I know I've had a very dark life up to this point (I really don't wanna go into this), and I don't blame anything on that. It's mine and I own it, I guess I just wish I could understand it better. Sorry if this is a bit much or not done correctly I'm new to Reddit and never posted before this.",3.330240821160679,4.652563574944075,4.610731017239111,85.42227891827874,73.20581655480984,8.301329122252929,25.675023029345965,8.841846274778883,1.7570584813791297,1726,56,364,34,34,571,219,447,0.12300000000000001,0.723,0.155,0.9546,3,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,3,4,20,25,0,2,26,0,22,16,1,7,2,78,64,28,1,9,15,0,5,5,0,1,14,3,2,2,32,18,0,3,20,1,1,5,7,13,1,0,9,15,45,11,55,52,16,53,0,6,6,1,9,25,0,17,25,236,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25853943342428953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916050245981526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375898319620928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010832884088672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215742801589289,0.0,0.048190183340833546,0.0,0.0672685712149578,0.0,0.0,0.06991625651326723,0.08630577447731047,0.0,0.09956491645108542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809745399507589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311766070159887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808852734999163,0.0802374777442567,0.08204488774959673,0.08259391640830754,0.0,0.0,0.06918011203422461,0.08089901527144915,0.0,0.0,0.0916767785725462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221398660905403,0.0,0.06660584990709459,0.07553885573066678,0.14209609222409428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998587241998502,0.16942716927291107,0.0,0.08659907171235916,0.07225332212242462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041302108220843264,0.0,0.04492783586106066,0.0,0.06322617900076942,0.08715658828373747,0.08708616841179309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033694748960345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791885655641481,0.19310734802877855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713487273136828,0.0,0.15830615828965938,0.0,0.07941970720770973,0.0861122643695052,0.0,0.0,0.07966717486787657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622660425604753,0.0,0.06097081058665098,0.07635021000597904,0.0,0.0,0.07745549023155579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060123628626767824,0.3364733168851985,0.0,0.0,0.1712141306925575,0.07546535970451836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473096018468092,0.0,0.07571124896633702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050643594955970817,0.08128000156131529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25198111298955195,0.2159015796856431,0.0,0.08930777445799902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849374381705538,0.05595436212560207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264371704339972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007811005545246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828991778920152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229731665350974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045457204148486,0.0,0.1254977259889874,0.0,0.0,0.0710784480939497,0.0,0.0,0.1765204656536826,0.09090744152929266,0.0,0.0,0.05755177426295336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090776017555797
bpd,fiskepinnen,2019/04/18,"Pretending he doesn't exist. My boyfriend is great, like, amazing. We only see each other in the weekends because of his job, but he is not working because it's easter. Today and yesterday he was and is going to a party, just a small one with his friends. He never sees then anymore since he is with me when he is not working. 

I get VERY jealus, and I hate it. I don't even know what the jealusy is. I truly don't believe he is cheating, I just think it scares me that he has a life without me, but I don't have anyone without him. Also his past scares me, like who he was before me. 

Anyway, I am ignoring him. Not because I am angry, but for some reason when I don't speak to someone, it's like they don't exist. So if i never get it confirmed that he is with his friends and drinking, it is as if it's not happening. Like my mind wont believe he even is real if he doesn't confirm it. It is helping me not be worried and jealus, but I still miss talking to him. 

Idk what this post is, I just need someone to listen. 

Tl;Dr: If I ignore my boyfriend he stops feeling real.",2.4523243102550762,3.489696075221243,4.109750130140552,89.27598386257158,74.97345132743362,6.025611660593443,27.01093180635086,5.900188976854957,0.89383841749089,827,31,178,4,17,278,111,226,0.131,0.706,0.163,0.7298,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,1,2,11,15,2,2,5,0,27,2,0,1,2,42,40,19,0,5,18,0,1,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,16,10,1,3,4,3,0,1,17,7,0,1,2,5,31,8,13,36,2,15,0,1,2,0,29,2,0,5,15,127,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235155606561026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692920694235946,0.08949183459522007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340599728872521,0.0,0.10890793423893534,0.2883961645904657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125379022881252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690690709573762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471432468122612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776564723685952,0.0,0.1337363706349924,0.0,0.07273824469704318,0.0,0.0,0.1411066685951046,0.0,0.0,0.1131789219682789,0.0,0.0,0.1263611571335713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578732217916463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127007843163191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703385818455091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040135501484206,0.25011290687853344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923088804207433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490110818759312,0.1974236975733195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672764111914731,0.09734025971454267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217854911402913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257664425820325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913555859494497,0.0,0.1315924644317695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562756265847526,0.0,0.2039789309276849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105872581092884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688678377030499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221098138639698,0.10700327939148638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287150296855224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200922093442592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131718310311815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560308994569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467507620301365,0.0,0.18635284601882726,0.12997751707761973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cyrodiil_Guard,2019/04/18,"Figuring out what really damaged me is harder than I thought I had a rough childhood. My mom suffered from postpartum depression after my brother and I were born. I grew up watching her cutting herself, disappearing for a few days after threatening suicide, throwing things around the house, and my parent's failing marriage didn't really help it out. If I had to guess what really damaged me, I'd probably say the years of sexual abuse from my brother's best friend, but my biggest problem now is that I'm realizing that it may not be that. My boyfriend has Bipolar disorder and we were discussing identifying what exactly happened that traumatized me. I told him about my brother's best friend and the abuse, but I then I really thought it out. I grew up in a bad neighborhood, I've seen people get shot, stabbed, killed, and ruined. I've seen houses go up in flames after the people that live in it chose the wrong words to say to the wrong people. I've been robbed I don't know how many times, a friend in high school drugged and raped me, I've been hit by a drunk driver then had a gun pointed at me, I also wrecked a car by complete accident. I had an ex boyfriend who exploited my weakness and fears by posting my nude images anywhere and everywhere he could. My so called ""friends"" dissertated me in the middle of a state I do not know as well, I was bullied so harshly in school that I felt the only way out was death, and when someone shot up our school, I was the first people who were arrested. Not to mention the absolute fear I have now that someone is reading my texts, has control over my phone and computer, and every car that's a midnight blue I'm scared of. I think simply put, I had no idea how to answer that question at all. I know that I've been this way for a long time. I don't when I started this way. I went to therapy a few years back and I couldn't warm up to my doctor. She diagnosed me as adjustment disorder. I refused treatment because I'll just have to get over it. Now I'm going to a behavioral therapist. Whatever that traumatized me, made me promiscuous and confrontational. I've always been told to forgive my past, but it's getting harder to forgive with time. I see the man who sexually abused me for several years and even though he's a changed man, I feel a deep pit hatred of him. Which is bad, I'm Buddhist. How the hell am I to forgive my past? Where do I start?",5.3106289308176065,5.796131121593295,5.9980020964360605,80.37951886792455,67.97274633123689,9.378867924528302,33.09077568134172,9.3871,2.902746247379455,1903,82,375,36,30,622,230,477,0.293,0.6579999999999999,0.049,-0.9992,1,0,1,1,3,1,50.0,2,0,0,5,19,31,5,3,27,0,33,8,1,5,2,60,62,31,3,4,8,6,4,0,4,1,5,2,0,2,27,21,1,2,17,2,0,10,8,20,1,1,25,11,61,11,52,32,5,67,1,6,5,2,39,26,1,4,26,247,88,7,0.0,0.2851013554946801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414259268859057,0.06673977689795157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140244130197948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167527419561075,0.13394125260199444,0.0488942688732733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834744067603566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190169850832797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848498045712688,0.0,0.08409693441725398,0.0,0.08996049063079345,0.06403984502754602,0.0,0.0,0.05172775364332422,0.0,0.06908333881798692,0.08140979217268755,0.0,0.0,0.18385144800949185,0.0820966502836656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301622758433108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297686215784421,0.0,0.06757899862835504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051339773858194,0.040555754389158635,0.0,0.07701259935812971,0.0,0.0,0.0682251859731615,0.0,0.0,0.2478751051010459,0.0,0.1257166653693838,0.0,0.09116851334423637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835854604150008,0.0,0.07092798362627223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376196978242041,0.08474453103109003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509934588111795,0.0,0.09054547004549236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873866119116612,0.0,0.1322412431927499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708254471418393,0.07098187035734188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758950850632639,0.0,0.08131868299093119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393905622881707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061002068469473675,0.0,0.0,0.08906188644964702,0.0,0.153135901638476,0.2224254973349489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582282131164991,0.0,0.0768174326607031,0.0,0.0864781729141122,0.07674856356772962,0.0,0.08063155068949393,0.08985171438752279,0.0,0.08023006073707996,0.0,0.20553410481741932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756980679248733,0.08030255603296238,0.2435254127980969,0.06391567449722793,0.0,0.0,0.09061261099463423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592055817890356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354377330552673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773492226460895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172524441816207,0.09312808246542788,0.05328686718616831,0.05139427535164708,0.07880430176068412,0.12735294936423056,0.14031041083669646,0.0,0.0,0.1532850413268728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099697693899015,0.0,0.0,0.0721169439763427,0.0743539488593257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753904902225874,0.0,0.15495465307666076
bpd,refillmycappuccino,2019/04/18,"Friends saw me breakdown for first time And I kind of want to avoid everything, give up studies, turn off my phone, delete social media and say bye bye to life. The fact my splitting led to a misunderstanding and some problems, I blame myself heavily. I can't tell people how I feel honestly and it's the reason I was in that mess. I felt like an absolute little child, when they kept saying

""I know what that feels like but you need to stop pitying yourself and speak up when you're unwell"" - If I could, I would. 

I am damaged. I don't want this. I know this is ""pitying myself"" but how the hell am I supposed to say how I feel to people when since I was a child I wasn't allowed. It's not that easy, I wish people understood for you to say how you feel, you need to IDENTIFY how you feel and I can't, not in the moment.

​

Keep repeating the image of me, on the floor. Hyperventilating, crying, and my friend sitting in front of me, in silence. I hate how in every friendship I've made and ended, it always started with THIS type of situation. After that, people treated me differently, like I was broken or had to walk on eggshells. I did tell them, to please don't do that.. one of them laughed ""of course not, that wouldn't help you manage this and that's not what we want""

I don't know how to feel or think about this. I just hate it

​

P.S Got my physical copy of a DBT workbook, so probably should do some exercises?",3.720537156038887,4.85656655709343,4.63942659416708,86.31164936562863,72.01038062283737,7.442478167737685,25.872631405503373,7.793537801064563,1.2638105453946284,1121,35,236,14,21,364,146,289,0.171,0.727,0.102,-0.9779,2,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,1,6,3,1,13,18,3,1,10,0,20,2,0,11,1,62,48,25,0,12,10,0,7,3,2,3,2,5,0,2,18,11,0,4,13,1,0,3,11,9,0,2,12,13,43,9,33,32,2,27,1,3,1,0,27,12,1,5,16,158,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762407676950247,0.2282007456262293,0.255919696053809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407927862241572,0.0,0.11567508087032445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002367377082926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327097599974238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872590888146695,0.0,0.09464337553438082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194790903908277,0.07523152798100785,0.10111148451535826,0.0,0.0,0.08957430203080846,0.0,0.0,0.16272025655579606,0.0,0.0,0.10102032002474233,0.0,0.0,0.0842238362661904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793823593473645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058523696741736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936019317565505,0.0,0.10966130674890832,0.17362234913271965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438163243482171,0.15434342469415555,0.10554554028488408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996442761590273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616799871435275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135892512456732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920271801893082,0.0,0.0,0.11559574891121775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113539037954816,0.1007648262937809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827340274876662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349782412652505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711125414529287,0.11836977306370786,0.0,0.10734749047854998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453702103346277,0.0,0.0,0.08804158516994964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408637465880406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747664044204939,0.0,0.0,0.061405510487467015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145440597414096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633885207498266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109815256506715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480725648449732,0.0,0.255919696053809,0.0
bpd,Tuhawaiki,2019/04/18,"Do you have radar for other bpds? I really feel like the only people I understand are other bpds. Although I love ""normal"" ppl, they are typically just a bit unrelateable.  When I meet other bpds, it is like some radar goes off. Can you all relate to this?",2.502244897959187,4.939483714285718,4.366693877551022,81.21044897959185,79.20408163265307,7.185306122448982,17.963265306122448,8.238735603445708,0.9327436734693876,198,4,37,4,5,67,38,49,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.8784,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,3,9,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40573046265174606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791042227634708,0.2654969658410898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631253372403995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33541616789736617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641245568664556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826460663469671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25764573830988624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380796573146515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868863765263357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cutielocks,2019/04/18,"*online dating, guy accidentally sends me message clearly meant for another convo* he’s talking to other people? How dare he, it’s like he is already cheating! *meanwhile I carry on talking to 5 other guys* Gotta love that double slandered applied to yourself, eh? I had to take a moment to laugh at myself and the ridiculousness of the situation. 

The dangers of online dating, I get caught up way too fast and jump straight to “yup! This is the one! Totally going to end up together!”",1.775619047619049,4.553431133333337,3.8304761904761904,79.05000000000003,93.22222222222223,5.238095238095238,26.42857142857143,6.868970318607317,1.903857142857143,382,18,60,6,14,129,68,90,0.11199999999999999,0.725,0.163,0.7293,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,5,1,3,1,0,1,2,6,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,1,3,0,5,3,14,6,2,15,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,6,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288259264986513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739086198073149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313605761215165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364750111707365,0.0,0.1484555429526712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.517291455840999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761734746546935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357583856273641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700728282587774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109485809370876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936186589434665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640254563028206,0.4199123828506285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734175922290726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilumyo,2019/04/18,"To the monster in my head I've thought about your name for a long time now.

I didn't want to name you ""dumb"" or anything, because that would be clever and funny. You're not clever. You're not funny. 

Once, you were a good spirit. My drive and my friend, whenever I was alone. But very early, you became so dark and ugly. Slowly, steady.

You are this nameless fear crawling under my skin when I'm weak and alone. You are this voice telling me that I am a failure. You are the demon I know I will be seeing as I turn around at night, standing and staring. Your words poison my brain and make me feel so small. You lurk in the dark to pull me into the shadows, you isolate me whenever you have the chance. You make me think I can't do anything alone and can't bear the world and its people.     
You tell me to die, so nobody has to handle me any longer. 

Sometimes, you are so powerful and I am so exhausted of keeping the control. And then you take over. Many days, I can't even tell who I am because you are so overwhelmingly strong.

This morning, I suddenly knew it. You are S. S is the first letter of pain, guilt and shame - in my language - and its pronunciation sounds like our translation of ""it"". 

You are nobody and you come from a hurt place. 

There are moments where I have the control. Where I know what it's like to be free and without fear, like sun bursting through the clouds. 

And that there is always hope, as long as I'm breathing. 

You can never win. You know that and you know that, as the time goes by, I become stronger. I am valuable and I am not alone. And you know that I will keep on fighting you and I will not stop until you lay with your face in the dirt and whenever you try to get up, I will be there, pushing you down. You can help me to stay humble, but you won't hurt me. And you will have no power.    
It might not be my time yet, but it's about to come. Soon. And you know it.

You'll always be a part of me, S., but you will never win.",1.058078817733989,3.022262874384243,2.2320467980295566,97.13816871921185,81.58620689655173,4.946699507389162,19.509605911330052,5.838893488441508,-0.3298411822660099,1501,38,347,9,40,477,188,406,0.131,0.7829999999999999,0.087,-0.9432,2,4,0,0,2,0,64.0,1,34,0,8,20,26,3,5,17,0,44,9,5,4,2,64,68,40,1,3,11,0,2,3,1,10,4,2,0,0,19,27,0,5,10,0,1,5,14,13,0,1,5,6,71,14,38,47,1,44,2,3,2,0,45,17,1,3,23,242,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080318120734404,0.0,0.0,0.16390637912511152,0.0,0.0,0.0669779010929889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210095992093587,0.08767871394292881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007955290653433,0.10877661685534873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994958560242732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696841817755276,0.0,0.0,0.22093418601260625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351915749521556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022190906554451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505300180265436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166164454027545,0.049800487532183885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377719942858748,0.0,0.0,0.07609463359177017,0.0,0.05145797697197938,0.0,0.0,0.08261037185506988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108115209696866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601707565747536,0.0,0.0,0.09782472630061084,0.0,0.0,0.21087533170094408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508833506673524,0.0,0.0,0.3247715882519261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435457020525938,0.0,0.0,0.17432454668809486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148827826147705,0.09985537488870012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044843907460167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519261220446604,0.0,0.0,0.09242801981833353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489070865610553,0.0,0.0,0.1048023753375038,0.0,0.0,0.10665718015344464,0.0,0.06828191445151613,0.0,0.10290312121208968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848532961234253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974110535795619,0.0,0.0,0.10497931026158408,0.0,0.08234367750088592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740536863385013,0.0,0.2582589075029343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310966242461316,0.0,0.07819160391078332,0.17229433826969826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686956653249998,0.10713095518194016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126617082239458,0.05809310191893581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494272178972124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996585296362885,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thevirtualgetaway,2019/04/18,"I can't hold a relationship and I'm terrified of losing this girl. I have bpd, and I am terrified of my gf cheating or leaving and I cannot control making up and playing out schemes to try to prove to myself that she is or will. I cant stop asking her and I know if I don't stop she will inevitably leave me. I'm even giving her the option to cheat bc of how terrified I am of her doing it behind my back. So that way she will tell me. Yeah I know, therapist this therapist that, i want some techniques that'll distract me and make me quit. Like if she mentions she's talking to a guy that flirts with her, how do I not have extremely burning jealousy and tons of fucking anxiety. Im so desperate and will 90% likely get a therapist. Please, all help appreciated.",2.5329990262901667,4.093347645569622,4.385443037974685,85.26846640701073,75.70886075949366,7.646348588120737,27.343719571567675,8.384062270229773,1.866680038948393,600,24,126,11,13,204,92,158,0.188,0.67,0.142,-0.8954,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,3,1,4,1,16,1,0,5,2,30,27,16,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,2,8,10,0,4,3,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,27,4,14,22,3,6,0,1,0,1,19,2,1,6,5,90,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195845291901684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613829028243913,0.0,0.0,0.12020058880817767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687982633189416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532640242503333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324802131217314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451551089310752,0.08167085539267856,0.1499565849788244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547815798784023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477813852661053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885264640998254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718189934168161,0.0,0.0,0.3310410531217548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274031254572146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488232457496874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868990177311075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159264334690552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626578017496882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678293992925303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26138138237879993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564425971903614,0.13663074952744922,0.0,0.0,0.5444994202093523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106131158273493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220170720502853,0.12407970286349858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wanderingsoul28,2019/04/18,"A tiny vent Nothing particularly important, just don't know who else to vent to, so... 

I just finished watching the season finale of this TV show I love, and something major happened and I spent the last ten minutes of the episode and then ten more minutes after it just crying, and then I made the mistake of checking the news online and a few stories in particular are just awful, and it's all just making me so sad right now.

I'll be fine soon, I just didn't expect to be this sad today, that's all, and it's only like 10 am.

Hugs to all <3",7.726875,5.295267223214289,8.106714285714286,76.83828571428575,64.26785714285714,10.03142857142857,34.9,7.554174236665415,2.4405478571428563,427,14,88,3,5,142,71,112,0.154,0.748,0.098,-0.7644,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,7,1,6,2,0,2,3,22,12,11,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,3,0,2,3,1,6,4,9,7,6,12,0,2,1,2,2,2,0,0,11,61,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33169920257433355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522566828403341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33079271362807144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670305399829008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595448308919233,0.2461453613988585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752699402629635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725391699393249,0.2857307442049539,0.20156691693958756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28974778002241425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296613332377847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25788021460794114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324707942522361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28623167944919703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smokestacklightnen,2019/04/18,"DAE constantly think people hate them ? I'm sick so it's hard to battle the mental illness part of my mind that is telling me So&So hates me and So&So hates me. It's a constant battle having to carefully examine every thought and assumption. Recovery is all about second guessing those toxic thoughts, but it's exhausting. Yeah, right now my job is insecure, so my mind is going around in circles that colleagues hate me. It's irrational and i Know my true fear is about my job, not my colleagues' opinions of me so much. But the illness part of my mind has a lot of strength when I'm sick and tired :(",3.944358974358977,6.044109974358977,4.504623931623931,83.60565384615388,73.1880341880342,8.098803418803419,30.503418803418803,8.841846274778883,2.6585049572649577,485,22,90,10,10,154,69,117,0.335,0.585,0.08,-0.9884,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,8,12,6,2,4,1,7,6,0,0,2,21,20,10,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,2,1,14,3,10,18,5,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,4,60,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28522313993673604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717081830542307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341966370211495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844716250537906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108965803572028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481104997423638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480338989429565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499564657984532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790678743472825,0.5197949411028956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612275633359057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233559710322962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189968038790593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326432628949271,0.0,0.3986998261310937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967567636814487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850659758732904,0.0,0.0912496024628368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240382879412096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504277441265184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433758271231237,0.0,0.2089851413834267,0.0,0.1512792652265909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ibael,2019/04/18,I told someone I care for about my bpd He said “sounds like a made up mental disorder no offense lol” and like I’m honestly spiraling. I trusted him a lot and he laughs it off like it’s nothing and I’m frustrated and hurt,-0.5356231003039511,1.685642063829789,2.0924012158054737,92.02,96.44680851063828,6.089969604863223,23.7355623100304,7.447530270364453,1.4582668693009109,175,8,38,4,7,60,34,47,0.166,0.42,0.413,0.9357,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,5,7,4,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450442097242128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793214338350793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139829686917525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932808492788396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015304265851291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23291179172180765,0.0,0.2592284627102464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760881882199125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628729078416576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260599587532943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321262129034137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617814156642634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,testcase999,2019/04/18,"Feelings of gender dysphoria possible with BPD? My boyfriend was somewhat recently diagnosed with BPD and I'm wondering if an issue he has is potentially related to that condition or if he should try to deal with it as a separate matter.

Essentially what happens is that every few weeks he will be hit with huge feelings of gender dysphoria and feel almost transgender - he gets really envious of women's sexual characteristics and says he'd love to be able to experience having breasts and a vagina but that he doesn't feel comfortable enough with the idea to actually transition. The worst of it dies down after about a week of this, apparently he is still open to wanting those sexual characteristics after it flares up, but there are far less feelings of jealousy and envy",17.46190647482015,10.208953302158276,16.044514388489212,41.92490107913672,51.94964028776978,20.518705035971227,55.613309352517994,16.827784334635936,8.561027338129495,635,29,97,23,4,213,94,139,0.111,0.853,0.036000000000000004,-0.9153,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,6,0,13,4,2,0,0,28,25,11,1,4,5,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,9,11,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,2,2,23,18,5,11,0,0,0,3,11,5,0,6,6,69,11,0,0.17071110825793334,0.0,0.1665894162863261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094251575182262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300093296504397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599565671432008,0.0,0.17326818144120362,0.17717117856359654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763902087861308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143831471417035,0.0,0.0,0.16698822076969824,0.0,0.0,0.4315833281504893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918950822361238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095926925039765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271206219569345,0.0,0.17817804488295427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540734402094418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924511247454731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936190725778484,0.0,0.16855662466315655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357563251288809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633011157131386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590163673568893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068983462283153,0.0,0.2738683078184007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512891485739288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shaaanyx16,2019/04/18,"Fucked up.. So I can’t completely blame my BPD, today I did something I promised I’d never do again. It felt like a blackout, I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex, for the second time. My ex got into my head about my family, my university, our past. 

My boyfriend is honestly the most amazing guy, I’ve never met anyone like him. I didn’t even want to sleep with my ex or even had thoughts about it. I really don’t know if anyone else can relate or I’m just complete trash. Feeling so low right now I’m almost about to jump off a cliff. What the fuck is wrong with me. What do I do from here? 

Ofcourse I told my boyfriend, he’s obviously angry but he still speaks to me calmly and wants to talk about it later on today. I’m shaking. Feeling like I should do everyone a favour and end it, keeping away from any future fuck ups that hurt people that don’t deserve to cross my deadly path.",2.073504098360658,3.814390322404375,3.4433025956284173,90.74724897540985,77.46994535519127,6.1050546448087415,22.91290983606557,6.9077264865688965,0.6034155737704912,691,21,149,7,16,226,111,183,0.139,0.735,0.126,-0.6759999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,0,13,16,4,1,6,0,14,5,2,0,3,25,31,8,1,4,5,3,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,8,0,1,8,4,24,8,22,22,1,24,0,2,0,3,12,9,3,5,15,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424335346085994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672856734944804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891603759164508,0.14574242703231666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336398388664546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914720766631018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982733776850486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882386976130024,0.0,0.1259830587773233,0.0,0.0,0.18789730832011695,0.0,0.0,0.13591710370294474,0.0,0.0,0.1340918918648824,0.0,0.14384236393446626,0.10161679890178624,0.13657339767513504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944977612484269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376289784728345,0.0,0.0,0.1408406760104081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459800153306822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227163282149453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643008764258107,0.0,0.0,0.07817177988253916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847489303843972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194096244959175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578486226360675,0.09861180558051416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112304761490006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147279782468726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423434447048011,0.0,0.0,0.10950385563032937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135936228578636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432770288013808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292324336268708,0.08294170779359558,0.0,0.2696551418775057,0.13591710370294474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779452415812846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551789817024067,0.0,0.0
bpd,vixxgod666,2019/04/18,"Trying to find a gray area My brain is so black and white and my emotions swing so hard and because I'm aware of my symptoms I am CONSTANTLY second guessing myself/thoughts/feelings/etc. It's like I have two brains, one going ""this is how you feel"" and the other going, ""no, you only feel that way bc of the BPD. You know this isn't true.""

But then the splitting, god. I had to step out from work and call one of my bffs to ask her if I'm actually normal for how I'm feeling, if it was just the bpd making me feel this way about my fiancé and she reassured me my feelings were normal and expected. She even said she felt similar in her relationship.

My issue is that I can't really get a grip when I split on my favorite person. My fiancé knows I have bpd, is patient and understanding and listens to me when I voice my needs. He's the reason I'm the most stable I've been in literally years, going as far as to help me fully recover from my ED. My depression and anxiety aren't as bad with him in my life, the episodes last for a few days instead of a few weeks. But because we've been together longer than I've ever been with anyone and we have no problems, my bpd brain thinks something is wrong.

It thinks that if I'm not 10000% mushy gushy and super over the moon with him, then I must not love him anymore. After talking it out with my friend, I determined:

-the honeymoon phase isn't supposed to be forever and you do just end up feeling neutral and *that's okay*
-I just need some personal space more often (we live in a small one bedroom apartment and work at the same place) since I got used to being relatively alone before we got together. I'm still adjusting I suppose.
-just because he is more physically affectionate and prone to random displays of affection doesn't mean I always have to match him or reciprocate immediately. I can just accept the love and go about my business but I don't have to feel guilty just bc I'm not giving him 100% back. I'm just not always in the mood. When I am, however, it makes me feel so light inside to see how happy he is when he looks at me.

So I'm taking it easier on myself and not taking the nuclear option like I thought I would. I've been unintentionally starting fights over literally nothing but small disagreements while discussing random topics and wondering if I should just leave him. I don't want to leave him, my bpd brain just isn't used to having nice things 🙃

So I guess thank you for listening if you have. It's been  almost 10 years since I was first diagnosed and I'm so much better than I used to be, but it's still hard at times. I'm trying to let myself be loved and cared for, for once like I deserve. Tonight, I calmed down and sought help instead of exploding into an episode and saved my relationship.",3.5134697176968004,4.926718377896616,4.705626165899762,84.56284417361027,72.88591800356507,7.785449570948888,25.52422998797828,8.356213837460157,1.5434533930274013,2194,70,450,36,43,723,265,561,0.057999999999999996,0.8059999999999999,0.136,0.993,1,1,1,0,1,0,58.0,3,6,0,5,32,26,1,0,19,1,43,10,4,10,3,111,103,53,0,15,25,0,12,3,1,3,3,4,1,2,17,33,0,0,21,0,0,5,15,5,0,6,14,22,72,20,57,81,8,54,0,1,5,3,45,24,0,16,26,296,89,2,0.0,0.0,0.06769914743365722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946817411660992,0.07185068066798353,0.0,0.0,0.11544967384890238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307102261586255,0.0,0.06880049953072256,0.0485080075137314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485545045956033,0.0,0.0,0.05334442682743993,0.05792450412090128,0.12686948451590938,0.0,0.05903227837782433,0.0,0.0,0.06135578388364546,0.0,0.0,0.4368714660092534,0.3097779077392226,0.07083874729545145,0.0,0.07073155314495616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496879322897312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474057724368456,0.0,0.059751839949397575,0.07041328568429915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803656323392702,0.061444891379939165,0.0,0.07737049762132976,0.04582096121637691,0.06275287593674214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806211728327348,0.0,0.06661004794597354,0.0,0.06340670164710081,0.05900960293084196,0.0,0.0,0.05359828382955024,0.0,0.03624512169721391,0.06654999076137179,0.15770767629288324,0.0,0.1109696647967347,0.0,0.15284685979475465,0.0,0.0,0.07385005563755882,0.12429119517020655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300003933704318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240857191815507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625241949949718,0.056549178442963775,0.0,0.1469143821193219,0.0,0.0709397522446424,0.04900100247297512,0.10167809293178624,0.0,0.06125863130491669,0.0,0.058256800228240486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878385934149996,0.0,0.09261554627263148,0.0,0.0,0.07556876963777537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099797077172485,0.10288008263205466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594384357083966,0.06656635259272489,0.0,0.0,0.07388118857097219,0.14102912582196078,0.05276215501647344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114963582737127,0.07248120448626096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638167704556781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444284665927143,0.07132816398589789,0.0,0.14896371471758532,0.0,0.0,0.06599068793991382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055282202889444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477400105564628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340759765789427,0.0,0.0,0.049103369103782206,0.0,0.11080454603490772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721062880955562,0.10432143008373077,0.05576030105448195,0.0,0.06387038186777827,0.0,0.0,0.04608909201539247,0.0889042877101744,0.0,0.055075313220920685,0.040452615420712934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420096628090097,0.0,0.06776844845085597,0.07222092009228939,0.0,0.17975093281847318,0.0,0.0,0.04091866164826195,0.11013191691989577,0.055647745702336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752332890081226,0.1010103915711806,0.0,0.0,0.04928139434430152,0.07584972498244262,0.0,0.08934933553655805
bpd,PaIIas-Athena,2019/04/18,"why is it so hard to just eat normal I’ve been fucking around with my eating pattern since I can remember. For my feeling I’ve been through all stages of fucked up (when it comes to eating): a few years ago I just to just throw up my food every time I felt guilty about eating it. (but I kept having these binge eat sessions where I just couldn’t control myself and every part in my body is like DONT EAT IT and i keep eating it)

I found some self-control and had the fasting phase for a while where I would just starve myself for a few days and only live on a few pieces of apple and some dinner (no more than 700cal a day) haha also used Tumblr for all the thinspo for when I felt like giving up fasting.

I keeping pushing myself into diets where I starve myself half of the day, then I think ‘fuck it’ eat stuff (mostly healthy shit tho, but sometimes snacks too) and i feel like i’m gonna explode and feel so guilty and hate myself for it. 

i don’t wanna fuck up my eating pattern because i always hear those stories about people who did and now they can’t eat shit without getting obese and i don’t wanna be fat i wanna be nice and skinny... skinnier!! 

ugh i just feel so uncomfortable with my body all the time",5.48948364888124,5.0396621967871535,5.752854274239818,85.49575301204821,67.59437751004016,7.435570854847962,27.022662076878945,5.288315135182226,0.865116810097533,953,23,197,2,14,304,133,249,0.157,0.775,0.068,-0.9790000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,22,13,7,0,9,1,16,25,6,2,3,51,39,22,0,6,9,0,7,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,11,16,17,4,9,0,0,3,7,8,0,1,8,8,30,5,30,26,12,29,0,0,0,4,4,11,6,3,17,143,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615629932946028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059682763366087535,0.062099365565783216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643783528795548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045494654282044605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579748789377927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428840714470349,0.0,0.0,0.16741108987226244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439338125022225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874675325399226,0.0,0.0,0.7636663040167532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576047255323047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150943664163539,0.05331674044856908,0.14331583900929956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024467546689137,0.0818295598996974,0.0,0.2759823831143365,0.03899186523813617,0.0715933110404229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685514222919693,0.0736831302792658,0.0,0.0,0.08411509605432893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267176767188724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938350629325233,0.0,0.06590095948546883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312299945837812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056760599543913874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081861433237672,0.0,0.05174006758845666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454291231573907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785690464772907,0.0,0.15321627262396112,0.06173592710474277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381243681513966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543518312494704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782083551059055,0.0,0.0,0.08703642615363788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445763200390384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734329774709777,0.0,0.0,0.07194207839500817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301605835601756,0.0,0.0,0.048060222827535484
bpd,SuicidalSuccubus,2019/04/18,"Any advice on how to cope with invalidating comments from my FP? Ex: ""you're way too sensitive"", ""it's not that big of a deal"", ""it was just a joke, let it go"". Things like that.",-0.12905405405405546,1.8184219729729745,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,86.02702702702703,5.8621621621621625,17.35810810810811,7.1686216300943375,-0.14731891891891902,131,3,33,2,4,45,33,37,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43022725693799296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993990513236892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538995742159957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502158827248147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450206436247488,0.0,0.21509393729577309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29249617047682136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494662461085441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,superancientstars,2019/04/18,"How do I explain my therapy appointments to potential employers / how do I find a job that is flexible? I finally got into a DBT skills group that takes place every Tuesday from 9:30am to 11:30 from June to November.

In addition to the group sessions I also have to meet one on one with my therapist once a week for an hour (during business hours 8-430) and those appointments aren't set in stone yet.

I had a job with the flexibility of attending these appointments, however I went on medical leave and was able to return to work April 1st only to find that my position was filled and that I was terminated. (They paid me out - I settled it)

So now I am unemployed trying to find a position that is either part time or full time with flexibility (evenings/weekends).

I am trained and have experience in administration and office positions including a diploma/associates in office administration. So most of these jobs require a 9-5 availability.

I could make that work with the exception that I can't work Tuesday mornings but how do I tell them that and what do I say I'm doing? Training? School? What am I taking? 

The alternative is finding an evening position but then I won't be home for dinner with my husband and son during the week and that makes me incredibly sad. 

Retail / Serving is out of the question because of the level of stress it brings. 

I don't want to be a choosy beggar but I'm willing to work, I am capable of working. But I need something flexible or my recovery progress will come to a halt. I'm really trying to take care of myself for these next 6 months. But I need to make an income too.

Any and all advice is appreciated.

-SAS",4.69763669821241,6.331781154574134,6.088694794952684,74.93516627234494,70.26182965299685,9.82592008412198,31.504863301787594,10.125756701596842,3.4179443743427966,1314,58,241,36,24,444,172,317,0.036000000000000004,0.884,0.08,0.9229999999999999,8,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,8,10,3,0,1,19,0,29,2,0,6,1,48,48,23,0,4,9,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,17,19,1,2,6,0,3,5,4,2,0,2,7,1,30,1,41,35,5,35,0,1,0,0,11,12,0,4,17,170,47,13,0.10733433269380356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104885867667501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858352270764084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299102688288704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543001296888487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943450563961674,0.0,0.0,0.09245902358438272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569773078186126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089331445005648,0.0,0.09043380458633916,0.0,0.0,0.10499357321821004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175795150053281,0.3924065422269868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584507103312929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766508719844332,0.0,0.21140539369709807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31953828971810744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365156046855605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149395016135996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081280480444963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567324032692837,0.0,0.0,0.15917409532812826,0.0,0.0,0.11415128050131568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430756130523613,0.14546504333536975,0.08163259668390778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162326226530249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112141532716839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023901723307592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876112197631674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535656944277556,0.0,0.108628074992666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263121318873501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295111545589638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24210618078966245,0.0,0.09381493772660164,0.0,0.12274616371521364,0.12462343305047555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517502510719114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574593257690566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330857035947343,0.0,0.1721942547596527,0.0,0.0,0.09950000174381968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907033627341081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aidaole92,2019/04/18,"Dating. Taking things too quickly? I’ve never had a healthy romantic relationship. Honestly, I have mostly just had hookups with randoms because I felt like shit about myself.

But now, I’m trying to do the whole dating thing and taking things slow. Someday I want to get in a relationship, get engaged, get married, etc. But does anyone else have trouble taking it slow? Like I’ve been talking to this guy for only one day and my BPD is flaring up — I have urges to over share, sex, too deep of convo, so much anxiety and impatience. It’s like I’m hyper focused on him now.

I really want to have a healthy romantic relationship for once, but I’m afraid I’m going to ruin it by making moves too quickly.",2.5788340336134468,5.061958375,4.163277310924372,82.51617647058826,79.22058823529412,6.532773109243697,25.890756302521005,7.7094869923839395,1.7234197478991593,553,22,100,9,14,184,86,136,0.14300000000000002,0.75,0.10800000000000001,-0.7792,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,1,1,4,0,9,2,1,1,1,15,24,7,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,4,1,8,6,16,20,4,17,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,2,13,65,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590752815945972,0.0,0.0,0.10594186751503444,0.15524364031093876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092361315235637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908261392099011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977137703616222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325906168573457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657021344571687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689777714792945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454768652920823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374788871605722,0.0,0.08610869938945133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002233524532316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206574960868844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113653843924812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103503265675526,0.11137996673032324,0.0,0.11685666802587805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135709324328673,0.10266957099376428,0.11523295890849833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706352443840753,0.0,0.0,0.4880068757108956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552658524801732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34175822791054605,0.12178093328694525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019768114862738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286782328355164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787333536635393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915958026628256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thic_,2019/04/18,I just wanna trust again I wanna be closer to one of my friends and I wanna trust her more but I cant do it. I'm sick of having to deal with my problems myself and I know she could help but I keep getting hurt by friends so I'm trying not to get too attached but it isn't working very well. I wanna be able to reach out to her but I can't open myself up like that. She seems like she really cares but I'm not sure if that's a risk worth taking,-1.529864253393665,0.3736450784313732,1.1209803921568628,101.00056561085974,93.31372549019608,3.5306184012066364,13.728506787330318,4.713530739802397,-1.3995936651583707,346,6,87,1,13,118,63,102,0.17,0.59,0.24,0.7392,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,24,18,9,0,7,9,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,3,1,1,0,0,17,9,15,15,1,5,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,3,62,21,1,0.239668811619996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435832653555825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913560440498715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708802095801294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703350586668327,0.0,0.2504341242120856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064495242715798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657041978747064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130286518845602,0.0,0.0,0.13171571098543874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23418015043648646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240578943130635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293306847403157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353797779443235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181854847677956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588501858796725,0.0,0.18020111918661086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627193908159994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775186973497225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549104471354089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744817493011269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrsDowner,2019/04/18,"Feeling like a sad bitch, might delete later IDK... I just want to be dead. I DO NOT want to live tomorrow stuck with my fucking thoughts. I want to be a normal person, live a normal life... 

I also know that I’m not going to kill myself. Just like every day. I spend all day wishing I wasn’t alive, but I’m also aware that I’m not going to do anything about it. 

I have 3 amazing reasons to live, but no matter what meds I try the thoughts never go away.

This new med, topamax, I got the lowest dose and even tho I took it at night, it’s making me SO exhausted I can’t function. The second my man/ FP walked thru the door today I HAD to go to sleep. And I NEVER nap... I thought he would understand, but he’s mad at me now. I told him before he went to bed I just don’t want to be alive anymore, and he said he’s too mentally exhausted to deal with me....

*sigh*...

Thx for listening, or not, this group makes the worst days a little more tolerable.",-0.3308833333333325,1.786786745000004,1.997,95.58766666666666,89.05,4.733333333333333,17.833333333333336,6.21433560688645,-0.2700166666666668,719,19,165,7,24,243,118,200,0.165,0.7,0.136,-0.9332,1,0,0,0,0,4,40.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,4,0,9,0,12,6,1,3,3,38,40,11,2,8,11,0,1,2,0,2,4,2,2,2,8,5,0,0,7,1,1,7,10,8,1,1,11,3,23,3,19,24,3,22,0,1,0,1,13,4,2,2,13,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207168408450745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909690225570176,0.0,0.0,0.09882374755628104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282840523831593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218765177359873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323441337431877,0.12380740397183128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931824007778145,0.0,0.10118091217726537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072105693218214,0.08579224176533433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102116866070406,0.0,0.0,0.2729994089656301,0.0,0.09604685584981176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286167103612848,0.0,0.06599826319456525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482304113721349,0.11733970904320387,0.12036161902307145,0.31812472036988043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032186883853244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667855920260022,0.0,0.12102236417613607,0.12739639616807233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852414537146386,0.115983564568371,0.0,0.11269622711807566,0.2353251903758476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485786029797137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234724083727584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423298616977198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017661797856663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860138766483138,0.0,0.0,0.11383117444774102,0.11475103670798745,0.13342428702101158,0.08153315273924212,0.0,0.0,0.1250178112036435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833285153449237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132453161878758,0.0,0.0,0.1380974474534181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530841266097318,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trippy_hippy18,2019/04/18,I asked a girl to marry me 3 days after we started dating Yea...gotta love bpd and my fucked up head,0.5549999999999997,2.088921772727275,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,81.27272727272728,4.4,15.545454545454547,3.1291,-0.9730727272727266,77,1,17,0,2,27,22,22,0.179,0.65,0.171,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,4,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785267517307268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099572534938627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611269408292751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37432343574945937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155441139874728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654379707037013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865902352721953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PhysicalFlow,2019/04/18,"Do I love you or do I just not want you to leave? I have been feeling this with my partner of 3 years. They are good to me and care about me even when I have awful episodes, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm only still in this because I know they won't leave me. I feel like I love them but every time I think too hard about it, I'm scared that because of my illness I am just putting them on a pedestal and actually they are much worse than they seem (my friends do not like them at all). Maybe I am blinded by illness to not be able to see what they do.",2.729032258064517,2.774981419354841,3.5872580645161314,96.9508870967742,73.51612903225806,6.52258064516129,25.98387096774193,5.148860815047168,0.2788580645161285,432,13,112,1,8,138,75,124,0.161,0.637,0.20199999999999999,0.7695,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,8,0,8,9,0,2,2,1,14,5,0,0,1,19,27,6,0,1,8,0,4,2,2,1,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,6,27,7,14,24,2,9,0,0,2,2,14,3,0,2,6,79,33,0,0.1878697717316916,0.0,0.18333379666975114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290473382069232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154575314439173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408621238676633,0.0,0.15828838544076368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849778043277443,0.1342142024632758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514771960878642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757625110759574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682944140877493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324831332475004,0.0,0.0,0.39785392402054415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356736159877252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33911960782691586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887404371180844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381058987957809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428834271380938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888610105694867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880904156500887,0.0,0.1497078844888156,0.17102958428936574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003304238620632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037936387676647,0.0,0.0,0.10954837470543284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081045890529527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145534755821747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209819734427916
bpd,mooniekid,2019/04/18,hello? can anybody see this post? i post on different subs for comfort/validation and nobody ever responds to me and i’m feeling invisible....im having a really hard time today and i just need someone to tell me they see me i guess,0.5365000000000002,2.850629177777776,3.6481944444444467,78.92562500000003,101.66666666666669,5.805555555555558,23.402777777777786,7.1686216300943375,1.838611111111112,183,8,31,4,8,65,35,45,0.052000000000000005,0.91,0.038,-0.1414,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,8,0,6,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,3,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676499540828307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317263417748294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953055305115094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822073342719177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294838566494277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767146172978357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995165427836372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906926124974415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411324773057606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082790613051167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705754629780616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390958252916884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937859734293665,0.0,0.2428254007031833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pnwhikinggirl,2019/04/18,"DAE spend money like they are loaded I can’t stop spending money. I mean I always spend money but I go through these stages where I just spend excessive amounts and buy anything that peaks my interest. I become fixated on these items and I NEED them. I cannot live without them. Unfortunately I do not have the means to spend like I do. It definitely could me worse. My significant other and FP support most of my basic needs and I have become very good at hiding the money I have and always playing it that I don’t have much so they continue to support my basics needs (rent,groceries,utilities). We have been together for 7 years and up until 8 months ago I paid half of everything. He got a well paying job and it became less of a necessity for me to pay half and my spending habits have kinda made it hard. I can’t support my spending habit and my living situation which is why I manipulate the situation in my favor. I feel awful but I just can’t stop. Im a collector of things. Things have always made me feel better. But sometimes I have feel like I’m drowning in my things. But never the less I continue to buy them.",2.6381994047619024,4.8135458258928585,4.3208928571428595,83.08244047619051,77.34821428571428,7.1238095238095225,24.059523809523807,8.11559375814309,1.5021720238095235,891,30,173,16,21,299,118,224,0.079,0.7170000000000001,0.204,0.9837,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,5,1,5,12,0,0,7,1,19,0,0,3,1,35,36,15,1,4,8,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,2,5,1,16,1,8,0,1,2,5,4,38,12,18,30,6,17,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,12,122,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474245075388884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29495784100148165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723629919665057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609987175228332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450365626243313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434181186169656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061953393857973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923700543835278,0.08441412408788196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715352551160059,0.09910770224141878,0.0945040138959624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058488989493334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763397823188505,0.0,0.11725639615798175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318224624615114,0.0,0.2086763641105576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361327805169012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25742357856195835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431485112573999,0.0,0.08686180943783088,0.2628442856834747,0.09113292028700383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656354584258014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116864087116364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757549779677874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40226254564815656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23550242493314824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749506362586201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624078115320426,0.0,0.10662177478749564,0.0,0.0,0.113902828299012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041598556225905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609170364359208
bpd,ThomasSkunk,2019/04/18,"Poetry A while back, I posted in r/toastme about handling my BPD and PTSD.  One of the kind members from here led me to this subreddit.  After reading a number of posts, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm not going through this alone.  That there are people who understand, even if my family doesn't.

​

I used to write poetry in my spare time.  I'm not claiming to be a Maya Angelou by any means, but it was always affected by my BPD, so I thought I'd share a bit here with you.  My poetry folder is something VERY few have ever seen inside of.  I tend to keep it close because it's so personal.  Please, all I ask is...be kind.  If you don't like it, that's fine, but try and be constructive.

​

I suppose it's not technically venting, but I couldn't think of a better flair to use from the list it gave me.  Sorry if this isn't appropriate.

​

""Blackness"" by thomasskunk

​

Alone again, I sit in this place

Looking around at all the black space

Family tells me to just wear a grin

And in no time, I'll be happy again

​

What I wouldn't give for them to see the void

I try my best each day to avoid

Walking a tightrope between good and bad

Positive and negative, happy and sad

​

Part of me knows they love me so

But they just can't understand, though

How the blackness pulls me ever nearer

Reflecting only pain in its mirror

​

Blinding me to facts I should know

How my family loves me, even though

I feel so isolated, afraid and confused

How could anyone ever love this dude?

​

With his flaws and his tics and his weight, my God

How could anyone put up with this clod?

A barrier forms in my mind, trapping me there

The blackness overwhelms, all I can do is stare

​

But then something happens, so random each time

Something breaks through, bringing a ray of sunshine

And I claw my way out of that pit of despair

Knowing people love me, that yes they do care

​

And for a time, equilibrium's regained

No more sadness, no longer pained

But the cruelest truth of all, the one only I know

Is that sea of blackness, it never will go

​

The cycle remains to this very day

Wishing and praying I could find another way

Family convinced all I have to do is smile

So I humor them, if just for a while.",5.3364362650135595,6.107555739325846,5.4030220844633865,83.65640449438204,68.01123595505618,8.205346764819838,30.62572646261139,8.216663640201805,2.100790003874467,1804,68,350,23,29,566,220,445,0.128,0.6679999999999999,0.204,0.9932,0,3,3,0,0,0,91.0,0,2,5,2,29,31,0,4,20,1,26,9,1,8,11,82,61,37,0,11,16,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,22,20,1,3,13,1,0,7,14,10,0,2,4,14,48,21,48,47,13,46,1,4,11,4,22,14,0,6,21,238,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127492694873145,0.0,0.0,0.03264813819817272,0.4676432968134111,0.5244467105208857,0.026682351019886908,0.0411431774437106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487052774524092,0.0,0.0,0.03492904650967587,0.03668108603372379,0.0,0.0,0.030170656375243264,0.032761066403268826,0.023918372542870103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041176572382792834,0.034701737037597005,0.04283639371008742,0.0,0.0988346836962088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000450490783057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398211117093463,0.0,0.0,0.050608945013722866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183103682469548,0.10647572215389277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795574981417015,0.0,0.03967858256562559,0.028030758359311014,0.0,0.042981966771805664,0.035861699544931784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037639487805015415,0.04459832443755051,0.03290994348509221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034696948644120235,0.08353654859357361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034875446524161344,0.0,0.08171812199855713,0.0862540168982311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038338210570817946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0329490071548265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165087758877978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274034828074008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039617955425362936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030261818087265687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317570546890594,0.05968266764844096,0.08350138540743056,0.0,0.0,0.042489601393965216,0.0,0.054403675838565715,0.034260036614108785,0.04099407650011238,0.04307019400047185,0.0,0.0,0.07515596467666456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586568775461209,0.03944379397714714,0.0,0.0,0.03924739087152048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03126662795420535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061915401074552,0.0,0.04392235483644929,0.027771989769227182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034294668896032485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025141339726699262,0.07709986020562462,0.031149614847722894,0.09151711111537454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327838638271739,0.0,0.0,0.08169372857850372,0.0,0.06777594773850477,0.0,0.06474889360640787,0.0,0.06228864792353187,0.0,0.047779818875298016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512035237629774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5244467105208857,0.0
bpd,fallintoabyss1,2019/04/18,"The only reason I fail is because I can't TALK TO PEOPLE I can't talk to people like everyone else does. For example, a woman that sits beside me at work remembers anecdotes from her life and there's always a story for her to tell that fits any situation or just to entertain people. And the stories don't have to be particularly interesting, it's the way she tells the stories. It hurts me so deeply I can't remember anything I do, which leads to never making proper connections with people. I can't remember anything in enough detail to tell a complete story, and I can't articulate the words in an interesting way. I somehow react to people only. I'm reactive. That's it.  These people at work can make a conversation about pillows sound fucking interesting. So infuriating. I'm already empty inside, and not being able to connect with people makes it so much worse. I can tell they're disappointed the next time they talk to me following a decent ""react"" session from me. I made them do all the work, and now that it's my turn, they get nothing back from me because I'm not a real person.",5.514636118598381,6.430366528301889,7.069487870619946,71.34896226415096,67.67924528301887,9.453369272237195,30.708894878706197,9.606745405546679,2.9741970350404303,872,33,152,18,14,301,114,212,0.09300000000000001,0.84,0.068,-0.7232,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,5,9,9,1,0,14,0,14,2,0,8,2,27,25,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,11,7,0,0,4,1,0,2,9,4,0,0,1,1,22,5,22,22,3,15,0,3,0,1,16,5,1,2,6,103,33,6,0.10342414949138172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413112076813645,0.0,0.08605717751270303,0.0,0.0,0.0703319682193448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021852544552138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952678696711693,0.0,0.12609280316339375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843825301492574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905071701829525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639760580304948,0.0,0.0,0.10686479344243277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882620698357164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956139596502403,0.05403484943489628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071769109966256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730515354012377,0.050527815285910015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786243094006296,0.2071092686615394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602865001132597,0.0,0.07976707998432535,0.0,0.10999275630547883,0.0,0.0,0.0992382608017176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573174523177253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019089805971734,0.09030597808046156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771932454906335,0.0,0.10633725094491403,0.0,0.0,0.3514782001221569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625307733030872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493852411720574,0.3615890610375354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060307453283403076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249577565447158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418655173671307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258820378162041,0.0,0.10539804410400154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DiscoNachos,2019/04/18,"Mean to FP Hi everyone, my FP (my partner) just went on a trip for a few days and is coming back tomorrow. Despite them contacting me throughout their trip, I still had that abandoned feeling...to the point where I’m kind of splitting and annoyed by them. Now I’m not even really excited to see them despite missing them. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?",6.7285616438356195,6.33901689041096,6.8836643835616425,78.21535958904111,65.02739726027397,10.03972602739726,36.05821917808219,9.516144504307137,3.302975342465753,295,13,56,5,4,95,57,73,0.10800000000000001,0.866,0.026000000000000002,-0.7153,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,7,5,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,2,1,9,2,9,8,1,13,0,2,1,0,9,4,0,0,5,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27594312128647897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920313215868068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974499914050082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713645145291766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24324946845894385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821148104201132,0.291126290210426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471168082359165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651247210641989,0.0,0.0,0.269830741481322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940602751473986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30759978981288844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669448749679334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809029094506343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250240948833188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225512835752274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26177350352136225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mistyterrain,2019/04/18,"Advice for Heartbreak How do you cope with being broken up with very suddenly when you thought everything was fine? My ex said he hadn't been happy for a while but he never communicated with me about it. I know it was for the better, because he was truly emotionally neglectful, but it still hurts. I just deleted all of the photos of him / screenshots of cute texts. Reading the texts were the worst. 
Loving someone while having borderline is the fucking worst. Because you give your whole being to someone else and you put them on a pedestal and then when it's over you realize they were not who you saw them to be at all.",3.6502673796791454,6.0212621092437,4.097998472116121,84.9503437738732,74.96638655462183,6.680213903743317,25.94423223834989,7.686295010490155,1.5058168067226898,497,18,92,7,11,156,82,119,0.17800000000000002,0.695,0.127,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,7,3,1,6,11,1,0,7,0,13,2,0,1,3,17,20,10,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,10,2,15,5,16,7,5,13,0,3,1,2,19,4,1,0,8,75,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455751252461985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26769098905795485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941884275983588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341935439160667,0.2469823796614465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733190886465832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029853788986964,0.0,0.2106278698540239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23373226246289466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350501177951931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066782058606153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816703380792436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693429601021675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072463757757235,0.0,0.0,0.2196255799074691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088577003838365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372075393401666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534582074669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743110069971491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116507863193196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24513777892065866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,7layerdisorder,2019/04/18,Borderline idealist podcast Does anyone listen to this podcast https://www.borderlineidealist.com/[podcast ](https://www.borderlineidealist.com/),36.923333333333346,46.68814981818183,22.31272727272728,-58.377575757575705,50.81818181818181,16.01212121212121,58.21212121212121,9.725611199111238,12.957157575757575,132,6,3,4,3,34,10,11,0.0,0.794,0.20600000000000002,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6242256248996201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7812441162777988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drearydeer,2019/04/18,Everything about myself is wrong. Not having a great night.  Self loathing is through the roof.  Most fucked up part is I'll probably be fine by tomorrow.,2.592142857142857,5.591792500000004,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,88.28571428571428,7.085714285714286,24.857142857142854,8.07648339933343,1.9986142857142868,122,5,23,3,4,36,26,28,0.39299999999999996,0.5589999999999999,0.048,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,5,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,15,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105113058696433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194073144932058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809127417866777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242264488073409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741406429449097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37250525716642346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360429742618494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777478030774185,0.0,0.0
bpd,Caza-putas-baratas,2019/04/18,"Quiet BPD Hi everybody!

I understand there is a thing called ""quiet BPD"" (not a formal mental illness) and in general terms is about people that have some traits of BPD but also have a great self-control and avoid expressing extreme feelings or doing stupid impulsive things. 
If you are (or know) a ""quiet BPD"": 
-Do you feel very different from ""normal"" BPD? 
-Were you (or the person you know) diagnosed after other several failed diagnoses/treatments? 
-How well are you doing now? 

Thanks in advance for your time. 

PD:
*I am sorry to be so direct in my questions and provide no background at all but there are barely literate mods out there that don't understand the meaning of the term ""diagnose""*",4.139372307692309,7.040502088000005,4.68,78.63538461538464,76.12,7.686153846153848,27.215384615384608,8.617729084823388,2.5970923076923085,551,22,87,12,13,175,91,125,0.12300000000000001,0.789,0.08800000000000001,-0.5834,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,6,0,2,9,6,1,1,7,0,14,3,0,1,1,25,22,12,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,5,9,3,12,20,4,11,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,6,5,68,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605689538613234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7564108525981168,0.0,0.12265208741648514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472055112209938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24383086377890084,0.0,0.12549588139416235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146873686813205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242855335620826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202546317150005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084177365406058,0.0,0.0,0.12104889516077495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176883896311802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327346086725948,0.10488084763836722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455765299493647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530741076718432,0.13569713555598314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344602709391988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058687454618556,0.0,0.0,0.15959975461568668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004073211674823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500904361708621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991084586624451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799890451474256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jaedxo,2019/04/18,"My life is over. I cant seem to catch a break. My whole life is spiraling out of control because of my own actions and it's never going to ever be the same.

I wish there was nothing wrong with me but everything is wrong with me.

Praying for solace.",-0.14379120879120674,2.1526601153846165,2.057142857142857,93.54500000000002,92.07692307692308,4.509890109890111,20.89010989010989,6.1826913282559595,0.27898021978022003,194,7,41,2,7,65,41,52,0.0,0.8079999999999999,0.192,0.8484,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,2,11,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,9,7,3,8,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600369293172664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870309563832166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314901907004431,0.0,0.0,0.2300003195810884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544265706947385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615213243267584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973777842944775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555779198799246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329758290019072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28572047884977164,0.2942901564254427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596067762204738,0.0,0.0
bpd,jennifergibbs,2019/04/18,"Trying to help a loved one with BPD Hi guys! 
So my best friend going on 8 years just got diagnosed with BPD two weeks ago. She’s been in therapy for a couple months now but she seems to only be getting worse despite her therapist being awesome. She’s been having horrible episodes where she has suicidal thoughts combined with panic and is desperate to find a way to pull her self out of these episodes. I’m currently getting my bachelors of science in psych so I’ve told her everything I can think of to help. Grounding techniques, meditation, breathing exercises, acupressure, the works but NOTHING seems to help her stop the spiraling negativity in her head. I was wondering if anyone has experience anything similar and would have some better tips to give her? Thanks and much love to all!",6.641448275862071,8.151690420689656,6.66637931034483,73.09405172413796,65.48275862068965,10.489655172413793,35.879310344827594,10.577609850970193,4.155331034482758,641,31,108,17,10,204,104,145,0.162,0.642,0.196,0.6491,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,5,0,12,6,2,0,1,21,27,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,6,0,14,6,20,18,4,17,0,0,0,2,21,7,0,5,7,70,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246614755313968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833292192242997,0.0,0.11572786817399135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475842439842994,0.12437726914287545,0.0,0.0,0.35424128888464324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560624965616074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273816795167166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639066211556474,0.1375647421466377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853478347174355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086516665829959,0.0,0.14694846911253584,0.13490669645880524,0.07992420949822594,0.0,0.11247598018870013,0.0,0.0,0.13924744696619087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432864864537226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827872987049717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538511156818473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225084405829834,0.0,0.1033804465516096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493986431639038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952956479354726,0.10695670953347987,0.0,0.1650009445098829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560515510422345,0.1467094851445397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757435933053255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153828203404185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947473201372287,0.16082455185974864,0.16328418880827292,0.0,0.09011108505641184,0.0,0.11164582411003204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437957148313767,0.0,0.09547966137029182,0.0,0.13737669081616813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162686062281643,0.11280622960565954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250902919294645,0.10238151860712168,0.0,0.1433156693366873,0.099900691672708,0.0,0.0,0.09056217401477756
bpd,Imnotwhoiam669,2019/04/18,"In the healthiest relationship I've ever had, absolutely do not want to ruin it. But I keep flirting with other men and can't stop I love my boyfriend. We're open and honest(for the most part, it's hard to open up completely about my mental illness) with each other, I feel cared for and he's just a blast. Also a God in bed, I feel satisfied there.

But theres a few men who come into my work and flirt with me and I'm starting to flirt back, hoping they'll give me their number. I just like feeling attractive and wanted. I'm basically playing with their emotions. But I crave that validation. Part of me wants to go hookup with them, and I've cheated in the past on my significant others but I'm staunchly determined not to fuck up this relationship. I don't know what to do about these feelings",3.900041666666666,5.279059587500001,5.0975,82.26416666666668,71.875,8.333333333333334,27.083333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.9729583333333327,634,22,128,12,12,210,99,160,0.045,0.774,0.18100000000000002,0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,4,1,9,12,2,0,6,0,6,3,0,0,1,38,26,12,0,4,8,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,10,17,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,5,18,9,22,24,5,16,0,1,0,2,12,9,1,2,6,86,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047715817002246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507354294859095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909952453798425,0.0,0.0,0.1513176037706201,0.18417868474855031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975965569868349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889669806385526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552807509163133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239705862430595,0.0,0.16851138103728852,0.0998329903139554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735900718609613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447239947100446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613681271442387,0.0,0.0,0.09653946131539684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858197758063815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585421747187575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770263834100721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804505230098759,0.1676896378387561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771913565174406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433475116370553,0.0,0.0,0.14686163241283115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108307051132649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788431965235386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,earavenclaw,2019/04/18,"Dissociation- watching from the outside. Has anyone had doctors/therapists, if you disclose that you dissociate, ask specifically if it’s like watching yourself from the outside? 

I’m just wondering why - I’ve had this happen frequently of late; never anything open ended or about other forms of dissociation.

(I posted this in the PTSD sub, too, but thought I’d also get some good answers here, too.)",7.449999999999997,9.494494869565221,7.748521739130435,64.08886956521741,64.07246376811594,9.577971014492757,38.43768115942029,9.888512548439397,4.4109107246376835,322,17,46,7,5,105,55,69,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,9,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,3,2,6,6,2,7,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,5,5,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170020565150424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973734152139368,0.0,0.2233015923659112,0.0,0.2536797816295804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033950141531285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177150096305294,0.0,0.0,0.22759923926637604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399578449547785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060996402200814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257007816961086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928528116735026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598825548650369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31719883220424194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150634323812577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542512359505736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448551856419013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942723270229374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WeAreNotPermanent,2019/04/18,"I wish I weren’t so obsessive and insecure in my relationship. It’s ruining me My boyfriend and I go to the same dentist. The receptionist speaks very highly of him. Saying he’s one of their best patients and he’s super nice. She also jokingly said, when I first started going there, that she was going to “give him a good time”. She quickly corrected to “a hard time, that is”. She brought him up on the phone and in person. She’s also super cute.

This all probably means nothing. Even if it did, my boyfriend is committed to me and would never so much as flirt with another woman. 

When I expressed to him all the nice things she said and how sweet she seemed, I also mentioned how adorable she is. Boyfriend didn’t address that part. So obviously he must think she’s hot right??? He just didn’t want to trigger me.

That’s how my brain works. I didn’t browbeat him, or even mention that’s what I thought. I haven’t started a fight or acted “crazy”.

But internally I’m obsessing. I hate how insecure I am. I hate how “bad” it makes us look that our brains just process information like this and we have to deal with it.

I suppose I need to try some DBT skills to sort this out. I wish I were one of the people on r/relationships who says they aren’t insecure or jealous when a partner finds someone attractive. Boyfriend himself says that when he’s jealous he has ways to reassure himself.

I don’t even know that he finds her attractive. If he did, so what? She is cute! But I can’t stop the train wreck of thoughts that damns me to feeling worthless.",1.9931168831168835,4.358240503246755,3.0669967532467552,90.21692370129871,80.65584415584415,6.447402597402598,25.858766233766232,7.645422480735847,1.4102415584415589,1217,50,253,20,32,389,157,308,0.15,0.687,0.163,0.6876,2,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,3,0,2,6,23,30,6,5,10,0,21,3,2,7,7,53,46,31,0,8,9,0,3,1,1,2,1,6,1,3,20,11,0,1,10,1,0,5,9,14,0,3,13,11,49,16,24,31,7,26,0,2,1,0,51,8,1,8,13,172,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721339423977473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894306003018372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471075716473408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190396032845154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532546513790717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694313367593573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476176516389212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735449133058215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734909390958006,0.09648497226502273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881405218696084,0.19339759993301453,0.09514115405628833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161255052706042,0.22398070062661832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984685141589192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623391127472283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541701400692015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525408535384212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757165611154645,0.0,0.0,0.1235604084838165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338537375432065,0.0841081910940034,0.08748554363115613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088408049655918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372855284181042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228355106062316,0.0,0.07863927974428195,0.0990442120617294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222985909987884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435664564607485,0.0,0.09687007831589464,0.2157991031762907,0.2706163954262303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326398751514104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611033740015623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057512576894067,0.0,0.0,0.09483400607876953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535900165328857,0.07268247291894958,0.0,0.1801042476030825,0.13228590883722552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701269935338459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364444056621006,0.0,0.0,0.09359305743523996,0.06690497373590905,0.09003682809019635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26088178476829915,0.0,0.0,0.08257965098194728,0.0,0.0,0.08057864703926647,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Whatthedarknessdoes,2019/04/18,"My therapist said she's not enough for me This was a couple weeks ago and we've spoken a few times briefly since then, haven't had a session though.  But I feel really bad. Ive been working with her for over a year and she's actually really skilled. I'm just too much. I stress people out. I dont make any progress. I get triggered by everything. And theres no other treatment options left. Did a year of DBT, 30+ different meds, 200 sessions TMS. Its just all within me, I failed. I'm supposed to have a session next week and I can't decide if I should even go. I kind of think I just need to be done with everything and fuck off everyone's lives.",0.4132352941176478,2.6813123823529423,2.2147058823529413,94.32367647058823,86.94117647058823,5.752941176470588,21.0,7.1686216300943375,0.5646558823529411,508,17,114,8,16,167,99,136,0.14800000000000002,0.852,0.0,-0.9511,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,7,5,1,1,6,0,12,1,0,2,1,23,22,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,6,2,16,1,13,14,4,14,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,2,8,70,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.16546171890424213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030072905798048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530356098117328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157176835812366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876099466142508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714941970723025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351415495756894,0.19871779472100426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519616668485186,0.0,0.11198981511748064,0.0,0.0,0.16201755577109112,0.3047711184407702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573236033609302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675133664396154,0.08858575573335661,0.0,0.0963623036367852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765659715687138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422255752799235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972062156861893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317961942240322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833794785222924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464280902188678,0.12572326209862458,0.0,0.0,0.18032420825481424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754844147685288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172432026104011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128611765623418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025806985822645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942252636261512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686701538634813,0.0,0.10864432433878342,0.16658742751404015,0.0,0.09886918130309796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720144050876789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343843054254568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837637845171495
bpd,newacct0987,2018/11/12,"Why do I find the worst FP. I want to say good things about him but I can’t.
He always conveniently has something come up when I am going through something. If I’m upset, he’s suddenly busy, if I’m having a problem, he’s busy, if I just want to talk about my day, he’s busy.

I don’t unload everything on him. I write things down. But when I want someone to have my back and they’re always busy, it’s just crappy. 

I just feel slighted every time I need to share and he won’t be there. 

Does he have a life? Maybe. Is he allowed to? NO I SHOULD BE HIS LIFE DAMMIT.  Just kidding. But that’s how I feel sometimes. Like today. When he disappeared when he knew I was upset.

That’s all I’ve got.",-0.7868668315082985,1.3017655234899372,1.4066760861886287,98.94506181561287,91.75167785234899,4.210667608618863,16.566937477922995,5.750287758089431,-0.6999073825503349,529,13,127,4,19,176,84,149,0.168,0.738,0.094,-0.9409,1,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,2,3,0,14,2,0,2,1,27,26,13,0,9,10,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,3,3,18,3,11,19,2,15,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,3,10,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183304264609925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708706898142185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477588680992564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336359696202373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739560205692336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116664194176653,0.0,0.1719154552396568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934398223998916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483187005121553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871219938696036,0.1604415584255722,0.1529888285574996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27022181170738085,0.0934526407499928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921724222800061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183608964312144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303479653626045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211824524785506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207594354137894,0.2945225009634139,0.1891866710344879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374838076630326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25416373779732937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154036117236288,0.0,0.18131669046320387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33847618391071244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260579472759746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,baby_jane_hudson,2018/11/12,"small (low effort) but significant (big impact) success i just finally went into the health center i go to, to get re-assessed for therapy & psychiatry (i haven’t been out of my meds yet, but would’ve been had i not gone in, & haven’t had therapy for the better part of a year). i let everything lapse bc, well for all the normal reasons - there’s a waiting list for long-term therapy where i go, and i missed too many appointments, and while i could’ve worked with my therapist and figured something out i let shame and guilt take over and, yeah.

so now i’m starting fresh with short term therapy and being back on the waiting list, but it feels good to have a fresh start, and to be doing something good for my mental health again.

the person who did the assessment was even a therapist i had seen for a while the last time i started this process - it turns out she had been following my progress, and not only was she thrilled to see me, she’s also going to personally update the therapist i had been seeing long-term, who will also be glad to know i’m okay. 

even better, said long-term therapist now does short-term therapy, exclusively, so now that i’m going back in, odds are very good i’ll get to see her again right away, at least initially - this is amazing bc she’s hands down the best therapist i’ve ever had. she’s well-versed in dbt and always called me on my shit in this incredibly empathic way, that like.. sometimes it would make me uncomfortable, but like in the good way that i needed, where it meant i had to have emotions, instead of dissociating and distracting with a funny anecdote or something.

i was so scared to go in, and it all went so smoothly and i’m just so grateful, now. i can’t wait to actually have an appointment and get to update my old therapist on my life, and start working on myself again.",4.930833333333332,5.751578614958451,5.606443905817176,81.65801304247464,68.94459833795014,9.11915974145891,28.892082179132036,9.2995712137729,2.310326777469991,1444,50,290,28,24,469,174,361,0.065,0.735,0.2,0.9952,0,0,3,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,0,8,28,22,1,4,17,2,31,5,2,2,3,45,67,28,0,3,9,0,3,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,13,21,0,3,5,0,0,9,5,7,1,0,21,8,33,15,42,39,6,62,0,2,4,0,12,26,1,1,27,192,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.06925710900723132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113510393620378,0.059053259529141415,0.15379332203017992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667925442110388,0.10914408596760374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447931029579005,0.12553553105873153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246896053136541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056664282747006675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210688712482022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983241992431424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375087947417893,0.06419700888445044,0.0,0.0,0.06378383686538347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035884889052073064,0.0,0.0,0.07774486935339038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123769380512133,0.0,0.20167125699398414,0.23810722950484195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508769475346967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039003608830650516,0.057850545600026684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451445798181677,0.050128663334499515,0.06934534168469363,0.0,0.0,0.18842035470774704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047373454667606334,0.07195309176076714,0.0,0.0,0.07883238413683415,0.0,0.07152171471802073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262383181784968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953616071955772,0.0,0.0,0.07447175028944596,0.0,0.0,0.05397637134224298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685428930670328,0.0,0.0,0.1239376543538454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296964017601566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060854053774808,0.06750933270755816,0.0,0.07105399362540417,0.0,0.16966323935287714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285034419366009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391000269679395,0.07019177970675647,0.0,0.2009335429209404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053361090419782965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058055717119057,0.4944143129238712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138355211290397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719567882266369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855821234207429,0.0,0.11266638450316033,0.0,0.0,0.1276222608773578,0.131580992418362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333494534423646,0.0,0.0,0.100831015736981,0.0,0.0,0.04570276661935208
bpd,discreetsun,2018/11/12,"Physical pain gets in the way of coping Hi all!

First thanks for being awesome people. Being on this subreddit really helped me the past few days. 

DAE have to deal with physical pain that gets into the way of their usual coping strategies? Right now I have extreme pain in my right wrist. My current strategies almost all involve using my hands or doing things that the pain is preventing. Recently I started writing poems and it was going well. Unfortunately I really can't move my wrist at the moment (even typing this is difficult). 

I intend to go see a doctor to see what's up, but in the meantime do you have tricks to help take your mind away when you feel yourself going into a crisis and your usual coping skills won't do?",6.047114308553156,6.945006165467633,6.5628297362110315,75.51860111910474,66.4820143884892,8.767705835331737,27.67466027178257,8.841846274778883,2.2174549960031977,583,17,99,9,9,190,93,139,0.132,0.8029999999999999,0.065,-0.8317,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,1,2,4,8,1,0,8,0,13,8,3,2,2,16,25,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,6,1,1,1,4,14,2,17,21,3,28,0,0,2,0,11,11,0,2,11,71,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802189835329964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950057236635834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889220831153656,0.14210189042094465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108002038934062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103875453587187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969354579459612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724242822213253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402625565768834,0.0,0.2350045162079502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847758651995595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917411420426165,0.0,0.0,0.14649685111323482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866648707201098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315791573154769,0.09555747277963944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660133268626033,0.0,0.13609548925680545,0.0,0.0,0.235420769415318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967338813728654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756036207127418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363480832904752,0.0,0.0,0.1269000008427331,0.0,0.0,0.09157148657263152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190452332734725,0.3036116819920832,0.0,0.0,0.21881410352107425,0.0,0.0,0.12393026867045864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lavidaloca1,2018/11/12,when will the cycle stop? i feel like i cycle between “i’m getting better i got this” to “i wish my life was over completely” every two weeks or so. i just want some normalcy in my life. i crave a baseline,-0.6496899224806221,1.5390315116279076,2.023604651162792,93.31897286821709,94.34883720930232,4.7271317829457375,18.794573643410853,6.42735559955562,0.14582480620155058,157,5,34,2,6,54,34,43,0.053,0.716,0.231,0.7564,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,8,2,4,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27331187542888397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240120203150845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603710590424472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625482671979102,0.2207710561744166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145539277926493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471594793640517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365539819092437,0.1509764225973068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583628734770149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301877354808699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227386967029574,0.0,0.2478851834105427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553691884246953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jgolds97,2018/11/12,"Not really attempting suicide? TW: discussion of suicide attempts  
  
Over the past 2 months or so, I've ""attempted suicide"" 3-4 times. I put that in quotation marks because every time I've done it, I've prepared everything as necessary—I've already written a suicide note, I've gone to a place where nobody will find me for a few hours, and I've had the method—but every time I realize that I don't really want to go through with it. It's not like I want to stay alive. But every time I do this I have a feeling it's not what I really want; I feel like I'm only doing it so I'll have some cool story that I'll be able to tell myself to justify my living for the rest of my life. But every time I keep going back because it's not enough.  
  
Example: about an hour ago I decided I'd finally be able to suffocate myself this time (I've tried this method a few times before, but my implements kept breaking). I put a small plastic bag over my head then I took my phone charger and tied it tight around my neck. The bag was very small so I ran out of oxygen in about 30 seconds. Then I decided I couldn't bear it and ripped the front of the bag off.  
  
But right after that I felt this weird mix of guilt and self deprecation and hilarity, as I realized I never wanted to go through with it in the first place. But at the same time I realized I really do. But my mind immediately jumped to going to CVS to buy some aspirin, so maybe I can knock myself out, and then I've got anothet plastic bag in my room and I've still got my phone charger, so I can try again tomorrow.  
  
It's like there's a part of me that just wants to live this fulfilling life, and feels like the only way I can do that is by getting super close to death so I realize how great life is. But then there's also a part of me that really doesn't want to survive suicide because that would be *super* pathetic and I'd just want to off myself anymore. Which makes a third part of me feel like the only way to really get rid of all this is to *actually* kill myself. And then another part of me thinks I'm faking all of this so I can be edgy and proud of myself and nothing I'm feeling is real. And they're all thinking using my brain all at the same time and it's this jumble and it's impossible to make anything out and that also makes me want to kill myself, but then I can't do it because the bag is very stuffy.  
  
Sorry, I know this is all rambling and totally nonsensical. I feel like I just want to take so hard a fall that suicide is my only option, and then I can finally go ahead and by the drugs or get hit by a truck or jump off a building. I'm so exhausted.",2.432059021072956,3.649668308664261,4.386997733187812,86.55730123415331,75.29963898916968,7.824968516497357,24.436067500629672,8.428315365350997,1.4136888254554614,2049,64,450,37,43,702,224,554,0.11800000000000001,0.8029999999999999,0.079,-0.9540000000000001,0,0,3,0,0,8,46.0,0,0,0,9,24,17,2,1,26,1,32,9,3,5,7,94,77,51,9,11,18,0,9,6,0,2,6,0,1,1,34,26,0,3,17,0,1,14,9,6,0,3,11,10,54,11,61,58,18,72,0,0,0,0,5,23,0,6,37,291,88,0,0.11912750360665725,0.0,0.058125629585554436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279967210251777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573008126148994,0.09526622159466218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062457787224982075,0.0,0.0,0.059071236531343926,0.0,0.0,0.04901589257357381,0.053024367353677236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580084848578103,0.0,0.145238040994211,0.0,0.0506843657070171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649284592794683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060954398187722275,0.0,0.0,0.06907504185221865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061545278007332886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074011943141826,0.0,0.05353205942794411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070333561353788,0.17020942475879328,0.057190542574821326,0.13049835729471915,0.054440190059894915,0.050664896855754614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933588057421325,0.0,0.1692572639851531,0.0,0.09527714713880396,0.06566924664168584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335742210261242,0.0,0.06112959349302645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173165946443329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294299939187827,0.1317969325327102,0.0,0.03273468026442652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262149182243161,0.17459904269873647,0.0,0.10519176820171904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927780054650396,0.0,0.059839794598829085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060142409604399726,0.0,0.04754321841807738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593923737954966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715302629856349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120366916753428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580069550310591,0.05686034087527781,0.0,0.0,0.12446288627229275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975604436196904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677965897169905,0.22894838773347195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086711858923201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621379835024491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667674358764114,0.0,0.06348703421299237,0.04756768913177308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909184613083507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478452855572892,0.0,0.05206134445474245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633209415337526,0.0,0.0,0.3125889240797197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617751988815282,0.08087975521421062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051443957246794264,0.0,0.09829266651694224,0.3161901965147861,0.09455786743409356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231238031355754,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lawrenciumexchange,2018/11/12,"Hard time with apologies DAE have a hard time with apologies?  I have a hard time with it because apologizing means that I’m wrong and I can’t be wrong because that means what I think or feel is not valid.  But on the other hand, I also feel like I’m *constantly* apologizing for myself, for being the way I am, or for even existing.",1.6333262260127912,3.925319880597016,3.1130063965884887,89.79164179104478,81.5373134328358,6.216631130063965,21.51172707889127,7.447530270364453,0.7448950959488267,260,8,55,4,7,85,41,67,0.195,0.72,0.085,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,0,0,13,14,5,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,6,1,7,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,5,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578176925481027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374969701794972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050997390544607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866379375377446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196993819781484,0.1391654087300026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235085518592508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516961110494776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243893769485626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482019837767792,0.0,0.0,0.34076895131334245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462345036123756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259672041944637,0.0,0.0
bpd,bellavrann,2018/11/12,"scared my i’m too much for my boyfriend i’m in rehab and have 6 months sober diagnosed with bpd and bipolar, i’m so scared that i’m gonna be too much for my boyfriend to handle he has 5 1/2 moths sober & is doing good but i know my manic episodes and saying that i’m gonna kill my self and cutting is getting to be a lot he tells me he loves me and is very supportive but i’m so afraid i’m gonna lose him and my fear of abandonment makes me wanna breakup w him but i love him and i’m scared he’s gonna levave me bc i’m crazy",-0.8594789081885849,0.823255483870966,1.4525806451612908,101.63733250620348,86.90322580645163,4.783126550868487,17.602977667493796,5.8734145424116955,-0.6932337468982629,416,10,111,3,13,140,66,124,0.228,0.6559999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,13,2,5,1,0,8,5,0,1,0,16,27,12,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,15,4,8,21,3,2,0,2,0,2,12,1,0,1,1,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945310060691468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23184521909693626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683966471806288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714377110220766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617540666878537,0.0,0.0,0.15439950374549888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036597964691734,0.0,0.10116682068426712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059410129147236,0.0,0.15650019290328976,0.3322829347113466,0.0,0.12287636803971234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693273963886827,0.0,0.27064334997834955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463896374940809,0.5528955023018394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920379910203576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208894418290462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089604836490268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518871803202592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Burnaholeinmyheart,2018/11/12,"I can't be alone. I havent had a social life for along time now. I havent had a conversation with anyone apart from my partner in months. 
My only friend I have to let go.
I don't trust anyone anymore and can't get close to anyone again. 
This is it now.
The last few years have been hard enough. I can't  see it getting better. No matter how long I am alone. It only gets harder.",-0.9305321507760559,1.1681766341463415,1.2758093126385823,99.19302660753885,93.6341463414634,3.4696230598669624,12.332594235033259,4.851557810540192,-1.5115268292682926,292,4,69,1,11,97,56,82,0.083,0.7759999999999999,0.141,0.5232,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,1,0,6,20,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,2,9,3,7,15,2,12,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,8,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221619544844496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212023798083967,0.4275165190453427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024935465077055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058550604131135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745958178916594,0.0,0.31943980086136003,0.0,0.11582733149157128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256964788102387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661286397987402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084048764731162,0.14395381354338588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180361406064133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626755623430694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100064505650709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240655344558852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077539860696204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188405943496209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124402500896595
bpd,SpareIssues,2018/11/12,DAE study for hours and nothing is done?? Ive been sittning with a book for 4 hours and haven’t passed  page 2. Seriously I’ve been reading 2 pages and staring around and fantasizing about things I could’ve don’t differently. How can anybody with BPD do university 😭😓,4.390471698113212,5.929360075471699,5.1624056603773605,81.65040094339625,70.88679245283019,8.318867924528304,30.23113207547169,8.841846274778883,2.28851320754717,216,9,44,4,4,70,40,53,0.047,0.953,0.0,-0.264,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,0,8,9,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,6,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,23,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26369348260917663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730714770471924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365029745922346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094808441354717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031300200388395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5834227347451386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28422556078411937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962944087056008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679158484548667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ellaravencroft,2018/11/12,"Did anybody find a way to create internal motivation to do stuff ? is it a reliable, stable way ? 

context: i can only do stuff when someone is looking,for external praise. ",2.8043548387096777,5.79761258064516,5.3228225806451634,70.70423387096777,84.48387096774194,8.261290322580646,33.55645161290323,8.841846274778883,4.154993548387097,134,8,20,4,4,47,25,31,0.0,0.6829999999999999,0.317,0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905736544472121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179293042201624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26937307939909594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7278860144153477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047011236887777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,INeedSelfCare,2018/11/12,"BPD and polyamory? I have been diagnosed with BPD and have been non monogamous for years but recently have been getting serious about my poly relationships. I love knowing that I have multiple people I can fall back on, that I always have someone to talk to, and that I can still explore new relationships. I'm very surprised that my jealousy does not get in the way of meeting my partner's partners or even seeing them play. Of course I feel it, but not to the point that I'd like to change my current lifestyle. I'm curious about what other people's experience has been with polyamory or non monogamy in general. How has your BPD impacted your relationships and what are the pros and cons?",8.036252747252746,7.7989348230769275,7.446703296703298,74.75115384615388,62.30769230769231,11.120879120879124,38.57142857142857,10.608840637214634,4.044604395604395,557,26,102,12,7,174,78,130,0.033,0.831,0.13699999999999998,0.9418,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,14,2,0,1,0,18,22,10,0,0,6,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,2,14,4,14,18,0,13,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,2,7,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834534588383906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186059463641874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828037537996446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317221935768694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565568304297963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349820479574042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187828029280796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150882558732726,0.0,0.0,0.07799160510553567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117473616838587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476977741791693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535699074801272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392133815451291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489721164875598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387003909594385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581268741746306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229969337540078,0.4968086661186818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229143957626471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306924585533884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318135956767112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397739875455738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726941878075346,0.0,0.12243359810988877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993296125629528
bpd,phantomglitter,2018/11/12,"Please Help, Need Advice Hey everyone! I'm looking for a little advice regarding my mom.

​

My mother has BPD. This has caused a certain amount of strain on her relationships in and out of the family, but I'm specifically worried about her family relations at the moment. My siblings have all decided they don't want to see her at Christmas this year because they don't want to deal with her. It's true that holidays, particularly this one, can put a huge strain on her, and I understand that they feel they need to put up some boundaries, but for me, she's my mom and I want to be there for her, regardless of how she may act. We're family, and that's so important to me, but I'm afraid that my being there won't be enough for her.   


So here's my question: What can I do to fully support my mother during this difficult time? Is there anything that loved ones have done for you that helped you out when you were feeling really low or unloved/unlovable?",6.150432900432904,6.183250931216932,6.532073112073113,78.83354978354981,66.14285714285714,10.25897065897066,30.93843193843194,10.018931242160765,2.80758835978836,762,26,151,16,11,247,109,189,0.081,0.769,0.15,0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,4,0,9,9,0,3,5,0,17,1,0,2,3,29,32,12,0,6,4,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,5,0,2,2,4,28,4,24,25,4,18,0,1,2,1,27,11,0,4,4,107,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645363563391669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665801590439306,0.16447218325737564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138633830478366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251167488494894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047596515778196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904775194933852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954594643954002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851603757926007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985878451354933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293383231424334,0.0,0.0,0.3828043704942038,0.0,0.13687997787819564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814523572633411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566212926483198,0.0,0.0,0.11366483071823046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216394675081232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31705429062210605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072930766598052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344126522672155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858008579927287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721400462375052,0.1516295389264145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671242880438118,0.0,0.0,0.14532153628586356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786109447379967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360022394617714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892708947093999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091022205894424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395091765035676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746044442157884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447218325737564,0.08716473492159026
bpd,suckonmyusername,2018/11/12,"I want to change my outlook from feeling like my diagnosis is the abuse everybody caused me I can’t stop feeling like I only suffer because this condition has been caused. 

I want to get out of this crappy victim mentality. 

Anyone have any other ways of viewing it? 

Thanks ",3.0452941176470603,5.967111470588236,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,81.3529411764706,6.537254901960785,26.14705882352941,7.793537801064563,2.0444352941176467,219,9,36,4,6,72,40,51,0.255,0.5329999999999999,0.212,-0.775,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,11,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,7,3,6,10,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,23,11,0,0.0,0.28305948304025585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624613678228722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670456434669242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563227642554927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908357678225017,0.2527263517530864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415917844750557,0.3413428854730192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248162929539864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334306345259519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407567522692992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169553002014094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997325425260264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199486143511664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28182085866562845,0.1896290723023624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smallgloom,2018/11/12,"I have the urge to skip town. I want to leave. I don’t want to be bound to the safety of my home any more. I don’t even feel like I belong here any more. I don’t know where I belong in this world any more. I don’t want to live any more but I don’t want to die. I think my only way of escaping is to escape this area. I left my home town to live out of state to go to school. I thought it could be a fresh escape from the mundane routines of home. I’m starting to hate it here now too. I had a break down since Saturday. Something just clicked in me, I feel comfort in the thought of going away. I don’t want to die any more if I can just go away and start over. The idea of changing my name, my appearance and cutting ties with every one from life completely sounds endearing. I can buy some cheap flip phone with a different number and no social media.
The only problem is that I know realistically it’s not attainable. My parents are paying for the apartment I’m living in. I don’t want my disappearance to affect any ones lives except for mine but I know that it would. I don’t have any money saved and I’m dirt broke. Maybe I can get haggle some money in stupid and dangerous ways. I feel like I’m starting to plan it out. I want to plan it out and do it. I don’t know where I’ll go. I want to travel Europe but I don’t know how. I’ve always wanted to live in Seattle. I don’t know how I can do it but it sounds so comforting to think about. My anxiety and depression has quelled since thinking about moving away and starting over. Maybe it’ll be the only way to be whole again. ",0.6368235294117675,2.5462810352941183,2.5047058823529436,94.91617647058823,82.76470588235293,5.529411764705883,19.11764705882353,6.661559191721324,-0.0504705882352936,1232,31,288,13,34,409,146,340,0.138,0.748,0.114,-0.9662,2,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,3,15,12,4,0,11,0,31,1,0,3,0,58,69,16,2,13,9,1,3,2,0,2,1,2,3,0,14,13,0,1,15,1,5,8,13,7,0,2,3,6,39,5,49,59,8,43,0,2,1,0,4,23,0,4,9,181,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442316771599442,0.0,0.0,0.3685579542282117,0.0,0.059229329574646564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822785863133007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190457692003428,0.0,0.08117783969592539,0.0,0.0,0.06181695337436044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666853820901616,0.0,0.16070826910392708,0.08089184901443655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113797849639904,0.0,0.06523325916073147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744406207064965,0.1106237811189783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040450968394111934,0.0,0.1760079130793105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644040509225676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23298846823612726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740253974153371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553020158339672,0.0,0.0,0.08198108806744588,0.08412166030933653,0.0,0.05468702847441343,0.07565114293938978,0.0,0.3418350998352721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556610567919812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228971123574506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492933382741518,0.1766538638887224,0.0,0.0,0.0859704529222747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408453867392631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835746157691108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809225826173992,0.0,0.0,0.07892425960940608,0.0,0.0596049604388828,0.0,0.0,0.21920509449570288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883097492296748,0.0,0.122932392006096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110013900909023,0.18436726717565866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644139590757736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499995673051754,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Reptisessive,2018/11/12,"I blame myself for EVERYTHING I wish I didn't. But it literally feels to me like everything that ever happens is my fault. At work and coworkers are frustrated? Must be something I did/said. Boyfriend quiet and distant? He is sick of me and wishes I would go away. Mom short with me? I'm a failure of a daughter and any day now she will tell me the truth, that she hates me. I'm having a big flare up right now especially. Before my BF, I was in a fwb situation with this guy. Long story short, we had a falling out after events that I felt were completely on him. Now he's blaming me for him planning to commit suicide soon. I wish I didn't live my life filled with guilt for just existing. Fuck BPD",1.6937162837162845,3.7939972377622375,3.4117532467532463,88.79477272727274,80.11888111888112,6.603196803196802,23.500999000999,7.7094869923839395,1.12136003996004,547,19,116,9,14,182,98,143,0.214,0.6729999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.9512,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,0,2,6,7,3,1,6,0,13,3,0,0,4,21,24,5,1,5,2,2,2,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,6,3,24,2,17,14,0,22,0,0,0,1,12,10,1,0,10,76,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197631484528173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547060716687874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011587016194738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738696621883013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726457579432826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619384994636433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894688225932254,0.0,0.0,0.2959765199259076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325843271216038,0.1176350997352079,0.15810206019398934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522280567495131,0.0,0.0,0.09358163407469378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304200829305227,0.1456107238319753,0.0,0.0,0.1625703729500286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163061682350348,0.08044590100555565,0.0,0.14540022282864587,0.14572134992783806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928510197842993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062108668698325,0.1566319802889392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185087827320195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676542774107372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801143199502966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439224991438966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680620999085918,0.0,0.0,0.1198764413242746,0.0,0.0,0.116971691438896,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helpyobrothaout,2018/11/12,"Does it ever get better? I know this place is probably mostly visited by people who feel like shit and need a release/connection/venting/etc. 

​

To those who have managed their symptoms for prolonged periods of time and have come out of really horrible episodes and years of struggle, what was it that helped the most?

​

I'm tired of hearing, ""it will get better"", ""time will heal"", ""be patient"" from people who have no idea what BPD is. From people who have no idea what mental health is. Things will **NOT** get better on their own, but I don't really see the point in continuing to try. 

​

So to those that have also suffered but no longer consider themselves as, ""suffering""... How did you pull out of the worst, what is the most compassionate thing you could say to someone in the worst, and what is something that genuinely helped you without burning you out further?",4.969232804232803,7.375692537037036,4.656190476190479,82.29,71.16049382716051,7.591534391534393,29.47266313932981,8.418075326091056,2.352273721340388,709,29,122,12,14,216,99,162,0.16899999999999998,0.774,0.057,-0.9647,0,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,4,2,3,4,11,1,1,6,0,18,5,1,1,1,23,28,10,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,20,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,2,4,8,5,21,21,6,18,0,2,1,0,16,9,1,3,7,93,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602889453259772,0.0,0.34967730422116017,0.3921516959448039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854280374799029,0.0,0.0,0.13548884585514154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266763611456684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589108800927264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414092704282384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997624291774996,0.0,0.09730911030225066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439391472642281,0.07685267876651469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861285602470474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434879743499105,0.12124654286984572,0.0,0.14421253131226308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428815664114469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059121235394612226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255644787975139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084118177379404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976661753987976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374001637829705,0.0,0.11239455430382812,0.0,0.1016945718027424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159856704439582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378325312794445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554915691805905,0.0,0.0,0.08572454885004885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042573948355508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911492260778588,0.08281765152419668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124623234620015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111813182057973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293810352779324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545745377333034,0.12364337073241548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303738738322657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369991477668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921516959448039,0.06927574407844035
bpd,Bpdthrowaway2839,2018/11/12,"I want men to think I’m attractive and likable but also become scared when I get hit on because I don’t know how to lay proper boundaries so end up with men angry at me because I suddenly withdraw or reject them ...Then I get retraumatized, withdraw, isolate, feel lonely/unattractive, rinse and repeat. 

Right now I have a dude spamming me everywhere, claiming I’m being a cunt for not sending him selfies. I seem to attract this type of attention often. I shouldn’t have responded to that DM. Idk if it’s BPD but I know I hate it.",2.7911538461538465,5.0998173461538485,4.2371538461538485,83.20784615384616,77.46153846153845,6.467692307692308,28.669230769230772,7.554174236665415,1.9601300000000004,420,19,76,6,10,139,77,104,0.264,0.679,0.057,-0.9771,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,2,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,18,17,11,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,14,2,10,14,0,11,0,1,0,0,6,4,1,4,6,49,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255974521214301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439344129634052,0.31156030278868385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552985143173169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498592872075889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263961707123404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29477406725386096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785180430298071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100725667523718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409141909566896,0.0,0.0,0.2824340470274925,0.0,0.0,0.2568157313349658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076003926516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639149981899376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JackballJonez,2018/11/12,"Feel like nobody ever lets met finish a sentence I dont know if this is related to my issue or not, but it seems like they not only discount every thought I try to convey but they won't even let me finish my comment without constantly interrupting me. DAE feel this way?",4.16,5.5269496296296285,5.626851851851857,78.76583333333336,71.22222222222223,7.622222222222224,28.314814814814817,8.07648339933343,2.017014814814814,216,8,39,3,4,73,43,54,0.0,0.841,0.159,0.7566,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,11,4,0,1,7,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,8,2,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26503334754904784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874368392877245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198850503035908,0.2218470387678224,0.2066377756885514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480164266544989,0.17521010265913045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559823278480894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478564298708562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015793692789894,0.0,0.2396382475199461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865273531242259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232707900588063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947049432377916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665119335690028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467187182888449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364169083678274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xpeachyolk,2018/11/12,"Clear headed realizations vs bpd ? Realizing you and your current partner aren't compatible or your bpd is making you split on them and making you think all the terrible things about then? I'm going through a rough patch in my relationship now, the honeymoon phase is gone and familiarity has set in. I know him very well, a bit too well. I used to be able to look at his flaws and say ""I love him anyways"" but now I just get so annoyed I was to push him out of my life and start over? 
I hate how obnoxious he is with playing his music, I hate how I have to baby him and do a lot of things for him because he spent his last couple years being a junkie and doesn't know how to function as a person
I feel like I'm outgrowing this relationship, I'm not interested in hanging out like a bro, I want more stimulating conversations and I want to do great things
I love how compassionate he is with me, he's so patient and understand. So incredibly loving and clingy, I love how he looks at me and shows me unconditional love but I can't help but feel like i could do better? Is that wrong? Because of my bpd I feel like what I'm feeling is just the always inevitable feeling of getting bored of someone, which makes me feel so guilty because I feel like my boyfriend deserves better than that",6.386960132890367,5.81681712015504,6.9645847176079725,77.95325581395352,65.7829457364341,10.007087486157252,32.38205980066445,9.424239791934726,2.6167222591362123,1019,36,211,17,14,336,139,258,0.122,0.624,0.253,0.9905,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,1,2,19,24,3,0,9,0,18,7,1,10,2,51,54,26,0,3,8,1,8,5,1,0,1,1,0,2,8,15,0,0,12,2,1,4,4,6,2,0,3,11,39,18,27,48,4,21,0,0,2,5,33,9,0,2,12,138,47,0,0.09498843629109448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903798835916914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371220733678272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801910549215027,0.10370277064056813,0.0,0.35890383084235083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584053709903146,0.10510289804716284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362030523036135,0.2714390314637796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925507491793743,0.0,0.05398411735360234,0.0,0.0,0.10472508634957002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756283064149865,0.0974855397991964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366874657561777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440632084673558,0.07742825351494992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709314169419713,0.2320327596029105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595327260710452,0.0,0.0,0.08075577171606185,0.4286538617443539,0.0,0.1902165564648046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294023869459714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396406429344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755386170953438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048339382031769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723330410963517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893182889177248,0.06086475451038094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888631212615803,0.0,0.08203951073521576,0.0,0.07837540793396261,0.1120532815800192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081202375658455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038549435497687,0.0,0.06116943865324843
bpd,my_wave,2018/11/12,"""Pull yourself together"" Jesus christ, if I could I would. ",4.7650000000000015,7.699797500000002,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,74.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.0370000000000004,45,2,7,1,1,14,9,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7470998552086413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6647118220305905,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BraveLittleCatapult,2018/11/12,"Does anyone else get much worse around their parents? I tend to have my BPD pretty well controlled most days. I will occasionally catch myself splitting regarding world issues and my emotions are still at 11/10 most days, but I have gotten much better about the idealization/devaluation cycle, my suicidal ideation, and my outbursts.

 However, I've noticed my BPD ""black hole"" gets out of control around my mother. When we get in an argument, it turns into a rage mode, knock-down drag-out affair that leaves me feeling like an armed nuke that's ready to go off. The feeling that these fights leave me with is indescribable, but you guys know what it is. That awful feeling in your chest that won't go away. 

I know that BPD is often the result of early childhood abuse and family history. While I'm unaware of a large portion of my mother's past, I wouldn't be shocked if she was NPD or maybe NPD/BPD from her mannerisms(flat affect at home, charming to the public, tends to stonewall, deflect, and project in arguments) and job (oncology NP...she sees more people die in the course of her job than pretty much anyone and is not visibly impacted). Is it normal to have a violent (not physically) reaction to interaction with the original cause of your BPD?",7.8442257742257775,7.988011411255415,7.5330735930735955,72.70312687312689,62.5930735930736,10.570895770895774,34.21944721944722,10.214889679676881,3.4276604062604066,1000,38,175,20,13,317,150,231,0.16699999999999998,0.705,0.127,-0.9488,4,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,1,3,1,3,7,8,3,0,11,1,14,2,2,6,0,35,30,12,2,3,6,3,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,11,13,0,2,5,0,0,3,4,4,1,0,2,5,23,4,29,24,7,25,0,0,2,0,16,13,0,5,10,111,34,3,0.0,0.1177524587190652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138981637536173,0.10182950260164618,0.0,0.17694366287238578,0.0,0.0,0.09337348496685663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789607895202359,0.0,0.0,0.6258462762215814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209359154404317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293269579801112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818746859228805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314373639097847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697062589608448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830216416823703,0.11179236070329376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368933212898244,0.0,0.15075290707122416,0.0709991475978779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577035496925015,0.0,0.11296315921142006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840467375391897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968912939318787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372990370705526,0.19724434192905166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923646085788401,0.0,0.0,0.21046423519641036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855345396054656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984345849167144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191735504762745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973741190415227,0.0,0.11314806482546674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035292437744816,0.0,0.09487220205321653,0.06889957383986334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221623056828836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919528628347554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793672944102293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870873757431013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081000322908972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935714234453601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127964276663123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway53774,2018/11/12,"Does anyone else question what love really is? Before I begin, I just want to say that I have not been professionally diagnosed with BPD. I plan to speak to my therapist about this when I see them this week. I was telling my friend about how I've been feeling lately, and he suggest that I take a look at BPD.  


I recently just left a relationship with my first girlfriend of 2 years. I always grew up extremely insecure about how I look, and I was fixated on the idea that a relationship with a girl would be the only thing I would need in life to make me happy.

 

When I first met this girl, I had the biggest crush on her. It took a few months, but we eventually started dating. Things were great at the start, but when I look back, I think I definitely idealized her a lot. About a year in, I started noticing flaws in her personality and it immediately overshadowed everything that was good (it wasn't anything that hurt me, no abuse). Throughout the course of the relationship, I was satisfying my feelings of feeling desirable/wanted and boosted my self esteem by meeting new people. I developed some crushes while in the relationship, but I never pushed for anything. These crushes were also people I idealized; the moment I found one quality I liked about them, they're image shot up in my mind. I never yelled at her, I always controlled/internalized my frustrations (I know that is terrible to do). 

​

I do miss my girlfriend a lot and we decided to keep in touch every month or so. There was a point where I was confident I was in love with my girlfriend (around 8-9 months in), but things started to crumble when I noticed minute flaws. I was wondering if any of you here struggle or have experiences with something similar like this.  


I'm trying to really work on myself so I can enter a health relationship/ have a healthy life in the future be it with her or someone else. 

​",5.015891880738678,6.688997111420621,5.832881460848036,76.9258887857217,69.5292479108635,9.106819354173117,30.566491282368716,9.53975657930432,2.9249095429691527,1509,62,274,34,27,494,190,359,0.073,0.757,0.171,0.9893,1,0,1,0,1,0,51.0,2,1,2,6,22,16,1,2,20,0,26,6,0,3,2,51,53,23,0,7,11,0,4,2,4,2,4,3,0,4,19,14,0,1,10,0,0,4,5,6,0,3,17,11,55,10,43,32,4,53,0,2,4,2,33,22,0,9,29,203,74,2,0.0,0.09498813439021303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411178091947961,0.13341543507197567,0.17372794603907987,0.1948302273262318,0.05451823084754994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605660640833997,0.08214346080951626,0.13194587183778006,0.07136814216558447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061645647636584734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821861717318567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201942178838682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813706858688315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015715502236601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394320497775347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754653613478863,0.0,0.07205147026436105,0.07842147325045422,0.0,0.0,0.12160881863843613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363848261493839,0.0,0.0879020762635768,0.061939008728509014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724264645056317,0.0,0.08838751623324449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534227057124072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852167761702462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582345688740288,0.0905019752941868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125862496518756,0.0,0.0,0.044059239769402514,0.0,0.09043505572474164,0.0,0.08710475056600404,0.0,0.11325263807069795,0.07833385493744588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196738776042295,0.0,0.0,0.1363150383978826,0.14471279607983853,0.0,0.05351398141047802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094867045179269,0.0,0.19197237084067567,0.0,0.0,0.05944491018034554,0.1236638243098194,0.07742851755905962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825477566167171,0.0,0.0,0.05432514893598429,0.060972765293998726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115932610704302,0.07000119980362257,0.0,0.0,0.07578639878543653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980855289120829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271768685365014,0.0,0.07915803145443905,0.430361952234594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637542634480621,0.0,0.0,0.06388497173136469,0.0,0.08363461294890841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792763344261636,0.061718648828774814,0.0,0.0,0.2269784620112444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838109089122312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027773192398653,0.0,0.0700719615869184,0.0,0.0,0.09308334712102732,0.15978381033852615,0.05136958741061782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907162656068819,0.054430049395442257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047286240526852166,0.0,0.06430739867977901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694075652436145,0.0583645881750051,0.0,0.0,0.11390068846800988,0.0,0.1948302273262318,0.1032534789972918
bpd,ManicRecovery,2018/11/12,"Anyone else feel like their BPD isn't a disorder, but just who they are? I feel like my brain is just differently wired from most other people's. I literally wouldn't be the same person without it. ",4.151538461538461,5.744186205128205,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,71.56410256410257,8.276923076923078,23.256410256410252,8.841846274778883,1.5180871794871793,158,4,31,3,3,52,33,39,0.0,0.8190000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.6837,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,9,7,1,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915031891812426,0.2771744992191824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407040666367796,0.3019841106959328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826305108546279,0.31003352982932825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598050044185705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735609389927237,0.3865118198095272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26431984725531915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754098161695693,0.23620319023694264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607667254917545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jfery14,2018/11/12,"I lost my FP My FP turned out to be a cheater and a liar.  Now I've lost my best friend in the world.  I'm struggling not to forgive him or want to have him in my life somehow but I know he isn't a good person.  This sucks.  Attachment really sucks.  Now I need to focus on me I guess.  Anyone else who has gone through this or has tips, I need help remembering that I'll be okay and that I'm not making a mistake in not allowing him in my life anymore.  I'm afraid I won't find someone to be my best friend again and this is all gonna be a big regret.",0.8795121951219542,1.9668734146341469,2.9256991869918707,95.99440243902441,79.08130081300813,6.220813008130082,21.243089430894308,6.742157984588678,0.09952747967479693,422,11,108,4,10,143,71,123,0.17800000000000002,0.623,0.19899999999999998,0.7085,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,4,4,16,3,2,6,1,10,2,0,2,1,24,26,6,0,5,6,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,3,0,16,7,12,17,3,12,0,3,0,0,10,8,2,4,3,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850504010582806,0.1304703644040506,0.191186872554471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916362845012879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587474771121676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054288340361878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883230205113501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650559582558793,0.0,0.0,0.20555354175072424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506954669762824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025467904033546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635927128939732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40737722831552825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455246763382187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767131151928545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629260604998128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953643730155444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137381937382352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158099886100925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506781675578985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295991405932545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005755482048077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Widowspeak101,2018/11/12,Anyone willing to exchange numbers (uk) I'm Ellie. Early 20s got diagnosed 2.5yrs ago. Been having a rough time and just really need to talk to someone similar.,2.9839655172413795,6.070637655172416,4.734051724137935,74.0348706896552,86.24137931034483,7.037931034482759,27.9396551724138,8.07648339933343,2.9927172413793106,128,6,18,3,4,43,27,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742984276128257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29524644964490665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285740369821813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377112483979764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130924221912265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27050364178632763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577703662726417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33938790235419725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462168968378137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,therealkawaiikitty,2018/11/12,"DAE not acknowledge an issue they have unless someone else does? For example, I've says had a bad relationship with food. I told my mom that I use to do the ABC diet, take diet supplement, take water pills, and make myself throw up. She didn't acknowledge it so now I don't see it as a problem and don't find any issue with continuing that behavior and the thoughts that go along with them.",5.028846153846157,5.5958313717948736,6.076051282051285,79.2856153846154,68.61538461538461,9.82974358974359,28.42051282051282,9.888512548439397,2.533448205128205,309,10,62,7,5,103,58,78,0.085,0.915,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,6,5,0,2,0,16,14,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,4,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,2,8,0,9,10,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519739807328744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659636366555446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955687475526637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668876205383464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425656013698204,0.0,0.27023275598524105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700876496488558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466509862214537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491745541515655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617369325424736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138400619687762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23993375434339384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772016909330465,0.0,0.0,0.1780845290114355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935377571045786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360581122176667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741806046910938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354460078785906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301486154812386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,polarpug,2018/11/12,Working with BPD? Any tips on how to commit to a job? My interests and passions are always changing.. dont know what to pursue at all -__- this is so hard. I am soo moody too. Any tips on how to work? Or choose a path.,-2.0700000000000003,-0.3669394130434771,0.5046739130434794,101.68570652173914,106.17391304347824,3.1695652173913045,14.445652173913045,5.148860815047168,-1.1375130434782608,161,4,39,1,8,54,38,46,0.087,0.755,0.158,0.5535,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,2,9,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,8,5,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,25,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528395228506849,0.0,0.0,0.4132764238776887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827065744938318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214482441944143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561268137094512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722028173289218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30153852993139524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699592748694825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44243380438204616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Diggipiggi20,2018/11/12,"What is Bpd? Hi there lovelies! 
 I've heard the term bpd in my life but I don't really understand what it is. 
Can someone explain to me because when I search it a million trillion things pop up and I don't know what's right or wrong.

What does it mean to have Bpd? 
What do you do if a loved one has bpd? 
 

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bpd,Zenstalgia,2018/11/12,"BPD Without Lovebombing, Physical Affection, and Clinginess? I'm nonBPD and my relationship with my now ex left me confused.
She never lovebombed, and rather than appear super invested, i got a lot of push and pull. She told me she fears emotional intimacy more than physical, but seemed to show an aversion to being touched. She did not like compliments and seemed to be upset the few times i said she deserves good things and is a good person.

While everything else was great, had everything in common, talked for hours, kept seeing eachother for months, she eventually left stating I should be with someone more stable and who doesnt spend dates lamenting past issues. I told her shes fine and she then said its just a lack of spark - which doesnt add up to me.

I know theres a spectrum to this so i wanted to ask if anyone is similar to this?",5.762933104631215,7.076928666666667,5.7063922241280745,79.89571183533452,67.36477987421385,9.05225843339051,30.17781589479703,9.339509955726095,2.633561006289309,674,25,123,13,11,211,109,159,0.12,0.7190000000000001,0.161,0.8511,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,3,6,0,12,0,0,1,1,29,26,13,0,5,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,6,11,0,1,3,1,2,3,5,3,0,0,9,4,20,7,18,13,5,18,0,0,1,0,19,4,0,6,11,85,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943313342424396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631265078083106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711472756535045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074127708362845,0.17604898807543035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813162859491147,0.0,0.0,0.1761135647597684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625408126642841,0.12517271638406405,0.17254920475441266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412758745983204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335234774455273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601199703623949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400900054897666,0.0,0.0,0.07646127502403995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305641154997794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492216599142635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070762620617127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940336766199486,0.0,0.13665562596074826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680296398841569,0.0,0.0,0.2977474494718008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471558810314215,0.2849556689751728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260763092881467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125794168382278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397610651179526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126032355464972,0.0,0.0,0.2990977444402078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923117148942507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086688738650614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Unihornella,2018/11/12,"In trouble I've not posted before (I don't think), so first of all, Hi everyone. 

I'm 28, a single mother to a 4 year old and in fairly serious debt and also being evicted by the end of January. I spent much of this year in a deep, numb, zombie state that I blamed on the SSRI I am taking (was on 200mg, now reduced that to 50mg over the last few months)

A few weeks ago I had come out of a depressive episode and had a brief period of hypomania. I did some escorting in that time and I basically can't even remember much of it. 

So guess what. I'm pregnant. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do. There are so many pros and cons to each option. 

I only found out today so naturally I am spiralling into catastrophic thoughts. 

Please just someone tell me their hypomanic/self destructive actions have consequences too!",3.212597881160754,4.640807413173653,5.3182035928143705,79.81411791801014,73.67065868263471,8.731275909719024,26.618608935974212,9.265573868473778,2.251679318286504,646,23,130,15,13,225,113,167,0.155,0.831,0.013999999999999999,-0.9652,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,10,5,1,0,9,0,13,1,0,0,1,21,24,10,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,5,0,2,4,4,5,0,1,7,0,12,0,21,16,8,30,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,3,13,88,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813309618628114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168091165016076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139720182376274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338593681448327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336451915223396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799340644816765,0.0,0.0,0.12527679988676307,0.0,0.0,0.1812400609036211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133520601750856,0.0,0.20796594436125213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779516884342738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894547996718854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411699880874255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460828239954125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229799503332007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139466206856994,0.0,0.2788620059204222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990292274708204,0.0,0.0,0.14425437092818288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082032853454452,0.0,0.0,0.1816536832735925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148618008008892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786962950742712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070876863886108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261000395414514,0.0,0.16578199610408045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153438475404585,0.0,0.15057866116112958,0.11059947396183308,0.0,0.1797872122248396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214372019785094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442855525262964
bpd,elpansuicida,2018/11/12,"I'm feeling suicidal again I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm stressed, I'm angry, I'm tired, I'm ashamed of myself, and yeah, there are some things that are good, but this bad things and thoughts are bigger in my head. I'm again at this point of my life where it seems like nothing has a solution, and I don't want to live like this. I know I'm going to have better moments, but then the cycle will start again and I will be like this again, and I'm tired of it, I'm tired of fighting.",0.9556190476190451,2.326619800000003,2.333333333333332,99.11333333333334,79.57142857142857,5.428571428571429,20.238095238095237,5.82211442006289,-0.3403333333333336,369,9,93,2,9,119,57,105,0.281,0.568,0.151,-0.9284,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,3,2,1,9,5,1,0,0,13,27,8,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,1,6,5,8,23,1,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,10,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550063366607214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471204057390898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416733655701008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584313137304058,0.15620727978915389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911335278180591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023513254942516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315451388054428,0.2729588819241241,0.0,0.16445123061474068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787000193804482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605474835070128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645634717537315,0.0,0.0,0.1695437347793574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318199460946608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133345646388076,0.0,0.0,0.2037137288439413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474559988818744,0.0,0.0,0.1478518674468942,0.0,0.6421582430697894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984777360875812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Life_Faithlessness,2018/11/12,"ADVICE: healthy ways to ask for space? Hi everyone, since I entered DBT I've started to experience a strange and new feeling... I need space! Woo hoo! So that's what the neurotypicals are talking about when they ask for space. It's not hatred or rage or abandonment, just some need for alone time. Today I'm slightly annoyed because my SO forgot to do a pretty important thing. We've already figured it out, but I'm hurt and I really, really don't want to hear from anyone tonight. I love him and I have forgiven him... I just want to turn off the phone and spend the night on my own. 

Problem is, how the hell can I communicate this need to him without causing drama? 

I still struggle with abandonment issues and my BPD is screaming things like: ""If you ask him for some alone time, he will forget you and he will never reach out to you again"", or ""If you stand up for yourself, he'll punish you in some ways"", or even ""If you turn off the phone he'll sleep with some other girl tonight"". Of course that's ridiculous. It's all projecting my fears upon him. 

What can I do?

1) pretend everything's okay and chat with him on the phone 

PRO: no conflict - CONS: I'm crossing my own boundaries

2) turning off the phone and ghosting till tomorrow

PRO: I avoid conflict - CONS: It may be perceived as silent treatment

3) asking for space

PRO: honesty and clarity - CONS: It triggers the aforementioned axieties.

Ughhh ",3.401333333333333,5.545941299999999,3.9626851851851854,86.68958333333336,74.8888888888889,6.87037037037037,27.91666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.7467777777777784,1101,45,212,16,24,347,154,270,0.21899999999999997,0.672,0.109,-0.9862,0,3,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,6,1,0,10,16,5,3,10,1,13,2,1,3,2,52,35,23,1,9,12,0,1,1,0,5,0,2,0,1,13,14,0,6,3,3,1,2,5,13,0,0,1,3,28,3,32,28,7,33,1,3,0,1,31,14,1,12,15,132,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835457172483205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508823050286725,0.13365611937066282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468813812376264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529138695332562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383207418783687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525431900918592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442098590157412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999693434857386,0.0,0.0,0.11573291516500855,0.10885255559923723,0.11847610806342597,0.0,0.13629080545489752,0.06124062258840345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136508170250044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965873670971656,0.0,0.0,0.12641515193575534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917186886399011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931322860869726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26942116656702103,0.09341324515592307,0.11697598927045012,0.0,0.1136605233960812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321999056009535,0.0,0.1158930436986239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518188148330556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018960737220513,0.0,0.12120492095182064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572755547269276,0.0,0.09672455312340704,0.0,0.0,0.12661825759721929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734961956925993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609301057972115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124911979726287,0.0,0.11480518201345973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952230220392375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287642173414647,0.19227479069938466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675290104102988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,micarisma,2018/11/12,DAE have dreams that completely ruin your day and mood? I have recently lost my FP and I’ve been doing ok without them but for two nights in a row I had a dream about them and it has completely set me back and ruined my mood. I woke up this morning depressed and out of touch with reality. Now I have these constant thoughts about them and I can’t function enough to get out of bed. I am trying to get back in touch with reality but nothing feels real at the moment. Does anyone else have dreams that ruin your mood and day? Not necessarily about someone but maybe even some event or something. How do you continue on with your day and stay grounded? ,2.0171428571428582,4.507577364341088,3.00512181616833,89.92901162790702,81.55813953488372,5.856256921373202,22.392580287929125,7.1686216300943375,0.7632254706533774,516,17,105,7,14,164,85,129,0.13699999999999998,0.794,0.069,-0.9095,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,3,1,8,9,0,0,3,1,11,0,0,1,0,24,17,13,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,13,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,3,16,1,19,12,2,22,0,5,0,0,7,8,0,2,12,75,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773873094340238,0.18718402899155184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809494652573165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830868863164063,0.19741933338978146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534532658653768,0.0,0.15734771634371364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987029046808782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526112274592197,0.0,0.0,0.18876411154960507,0.0,0.12066278819491764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237184315227637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089243552956375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199424023984142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353326247730975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143901541158652,0.0,0.17529273700468373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793736641332616,0.0,0.0,0.1803809957440378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478977854530795,0.14064108375558496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947196275026498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503276835601414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403222172090095,0.0,0.17845828032959798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610338051294486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sararus,2018/11/12,"31 days of BPD challenge---> Day 4: How’s your love life? This part is the brightest part of my life. Im happily married to the love of my life. He is so magical and pure. I do need to push him a little so he keeps learning about BPD but so far he has supported me in an amazing way. We have a very healthy relationship and he is the reason why i explored part of recovery that i never tried before and he inspires me to be a better person. We still have no kids and TBH it scares me a little bit but maybe in a few years.

Of course...my past is FULL of a broken love history, but as today I am blessed for this man.

What is your story? ",0.4662605042016814,2.424672264705883,2.601512605042018,93.71323529411768,83.70588235294117,5.650420168067227,20.74369747899161,6.868970318607317,0.3164344537815125,492,15,113,6,14,166,86,136,0.063,0.68,0.258,0.9865,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,2,0,1,7,9,0,1,10,0,11,6,0,2,2,18,17,12,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,14,8,14,16,6,16,1,0,0,3,17,6,0,0,7,73,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180912118512632,0.0,0.0,0.1227392720052242,0.15151137171055504,0.0,0.34957607777951444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900271278082708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990577489434395,0.0,0.0,0.12335367859525193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940723917307312,0.0,0.27818722133483464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757620023886252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942275418725536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290330957259247,0.1070353774383486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508543250071769,0.13248082454167595,0.0,0.12117698743242007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426885350809113,0.0,0.14899734582727653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894258266316326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082956205876998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574854372681303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154682687854152,0.0,0.0,0.0942222337622874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145076982138376,0.0,0.11015678108621613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252269966943402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936950767921684
bpd,daedalia_planum,2018/11/12,"BPD and Conversion Disorder/Psychosomatic Illnesses Hey guys I was wondering if anyone experiences these two things together. I had been going to doctors for years trying to explain my pain, but no one listened or cared until one doctor finally mentioned the possibility of psychosomatic disorders. Basically, these are disorders that cause physical symptoms but are caused by psychological stress. 

For me, I basically describe it as: My thoughts hurt. Emotions are painful, but not in the normal way. They hurt me physically. The really shitty thing is that I also have BPD. Which basically means I am clinically diagnosed with psychological torture. My BPD means my emotions are always ten-fold, and my psychosomatic disorder means that it converts to physical pain and symptoms. It’s like a generator and a power convertor and it’s absolutely the worst. Does anyone else relate to this? I’m really just wondering if I am not alone in experiencing this.",6.894020833333332,10.126411193750002,8.261250000000004,54.832083333333365,68.3125,12.016666666666666,36.91666666666666,11.34169021259432,5.8957791666666655,781,42,106,31,15,267,100,160,0.256,0.696,0.048,-0.992,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,2,10,1,1,6,0,11,10,0,2,0,25,22,14,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,1,14,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,8,0,3,4,2,14,2,13,18,1,7,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,5,4,78,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431888620707486,0.0,0.08054832791033666,0.08380979328880693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408560439208681,0.10320284855734607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805721337032085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269404235534613,0.20694099838655414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223195477728804,0.0,0.0,0.3463126317552077,0.20618898083816245,0.08814357434704886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414133129026402,0.2266001458666404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852664287274572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033737141228528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057243330836357686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973183000303262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156525945347668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049208280783111236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291513653327643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868737648812594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365053301442139,0.0,0.32152984380824995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355030403255988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905175623292053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537811574573395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093799973145331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338320723100274,0.0,0.0,0.0799629910155098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838445920549685,0.0,0.09839195671705064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994940898349083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846008533415265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486245558053065
bpd,bpdvibes,2018/11/12,The endless struggle of wanting someone close but never committing because I'm scared they'll hate me And no matter how many times they try to reassure me that won't happen I still refuse to believe it. Instead I get defensive and fuck everything up because I refuse to believe that someone could like me :DDDD,8.863218390804597,8.418511758620689,8.02241379310345,71.98063218390806,60.72413793103448,10.491954022988507,43.4712643678161,9.725611199111238,4.511154022988505,254,14,41,4,3,79,44,58,0.267,0.55,0.183,-0.845,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,3,7,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,13,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,4,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760313859971777,0.0,0.0,0.5101666383588997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076768084838515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348014140135184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093097555197829,0.11828838765948957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002110889221928,0.0,0.0,0.2235301805955639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061109385208892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22954130709705345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746191463162999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667304728848364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38366807525923696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080903694163106,0.0,0.0,0.23668990422908834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201982585958202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537155884096569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335407990071435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,degrotezon,2018/11/12,"How on earth are we supposed to choose a career? I've wanted to be a linguist, a vet, a human geographer, a police/military officer, a manager in several companies, a city marketeer or a journalist. I'd go months or even years of being sure on what I was going to study, and then suddenly change my mind. 

I constantly feel like I need to choose who I am, just pick a goddamn interest. But I can read through job sites and want to do EVERYTHING. I can go ""you know what's pretty cool? Reporting"" and then suddenly believe I was destined to become a journalist. 

I'm still studying now. How can I make the right choices, to prevent future me being like ""well this job would be amazing, I wish I had studied in that field""...?",3.1847872340425525,5.075430404255319,5.06058510638298,79.70875000000002,74.74468085106382,8.955319148936171,30.18971631205674,9.516144504307137,3.0814439716312063,561,26,106,15,12,192,95,141,0.023,0.774,0.203,0.9649,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,11,1,14,0,0,4,1,24,25,10,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,14,7,13,17,0,19,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,12,72,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104154809204144,0.0,0.2146519297871972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154596050575724,0.0,0.0,0.2058855219645473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583732658117722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171227993918509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633314435666156,0.13610824363436444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248324321315164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781253980517037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470536148130444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861578783559788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717424987843573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237190304341198,0.0,0.1520720480614908,0.0,0.0,0.14126891070370282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382835504516707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057256212190973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627038967961408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152345053606882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215032024568556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795637919540134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474844928642346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130126363748358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908975259891814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534065523407635,0.0,0.0,0.12268928037793428
bpd,alessiamae,2018/11/12,"2 come together Anyone got a partner with BPD as well as yourself? 

I met a friend last night and we realised what happens when 2 borderlines get drunk together.

Messy. 😂",3.773645833333333,6.2310099062500015,4.42625,82.32708333333336,74.9375,8.016666666666666,32.541666666666664,8.841846274778883,3.1072166666666665,135,7,24,3,3,43,28,32,0.152,0.6829999999999999,0.165,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25596562744207263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610541007149884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153380882723347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828258478018403,0.0,0.1912571922133765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29278073180693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237157211701103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983970417129489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435332011190957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291421429783733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Devil-And-Angel,2018/11/12,"BPD Sucks! I’ve done so well for a few months and now all of a sudden I’m just manic. I feel like I need to complete everything in a time frame, I feel like I don’t have enough time and everyone is against me and wanting something from me. 

THEN I’m sad like devastated af and want to cry all the time! I’m just so angry, BPD feels like such a burden, I can’t imagine what this does to my BF 

I just wanna give up right now. ",0.17700945626477704,1.8207466063829791,2.291843971631206,97.23388888888887,82.93617021276594,5.454373522458629,18.955082742316783,6.42735559955562,-0.2598591016548464,327,8,82,3,9,110,61,94,0.203,0.657,0.14,-0.855,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,2,17,16,7,0,4,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,9,5,10,15,4,11,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,12,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408009488868674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834792593532368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922241374291924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313958026453786,0.17908096529758705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081694057774408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672155236541812,0.15727450621692793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654486693027872,0.37505006605115737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787145280966687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419754880824156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967959164230195,0.0,0.0,0.1297568094227756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944504366710898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471994371949428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061235280246267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064335426446974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734180513580606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hana-Chi,2018/11/12,"What’s The Difference Between Thinking You Loved Someone And Knowing You Love Someone? If you thought you loved someone, didn’t you technically love them to an extent? The emotion had to be there in order to think it. I mean, I don’t get it - you either did or you didn’t lol.",0.2942828282828245,2.6632323272727274,1.8115151515151524,92.95949494949495,98.45454545454548,3.8989898989898992,24.292929292929287,5.82211442006289,0.652050505050505,218,10,43,2,9,70,36,55,0.0,0.6940000000000001,0.306,0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,7,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,6,4,0,0,0,9,16,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,10,4,5,10,2,2,0,0,0,4,12,1,0,2,0,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053525252737556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109187391897744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268906707791144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801853400093298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7095748435757497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141001627517023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49960757977397596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518821274887816,0.0,0.1560384479027655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Positive_Petey,2018/11/12,"The Gray Area Working on diminishing my splitting tendency is proving to be a challenge.. This is the most uncomfortable I've been while ""sitting"" with something, and I'm learning it's because I've always been uncomfortable with my own ""Self"" and my ""true"" emotions.

I read something about how the brain's two hemispheres ""work"" and what they have ""control"" over.. And I found I spend most of my time using my left hemisphere.. For everything. I've always loved math & science, so this makes sense to me.. The left hemisphere is also responsible for speech and language.. And I LOVE talking.. Especially talking about complex ideas..

And I've always hated socializing.. I've always had poor relationships and minimal contact with my friends.. Which is ""influenced"" by the right hemisphere.. 
I'd rather sit by myself and spend my time over-thinking everything, which exists in the left hemisphere.,

And then it dawned on me: I'm not listening to what my right hemisphere is ""telling me."" I'm trying to find ways to ""tell myself"" what to feel, and denying what my true emotions are.

Or, instead of simply expressing how I feel, I spend 45 minutes attempting to explain what I THINK I feel.. And it's because I'm afraid to express what I feel.

So, it seems to me, my splitting is a result of creating ideals of what all friends/relationships SHOULD be like in my mind (left brain), and then I also reinforced that idea with the belief there is no compromising that idea. (deny my right brain)..  And any slight or ""wrongdoing"" I deemed unacceptable to me caused me to split, 

and then, I would proceed to mentally fuck your shit up, sometimes just minutes after praising the ground you walked on (right brain reaction).

All of that, simply because I've been continuously afraid of my real feelings. Afraid of any sort of  ""compromising,"" because it meant compromising my self.. Compromising my Ego..

So, it seems to me, this is exactly why I've always hated the dreaded Gray Area.. 
I think too much, and ignore what I'm feeling.. I'm ignoring an entire half of my brain.. And I'm missing out on half the fun that life offers with healthy relationships..

And I'm final starting to accept the Gray Area, because I'm stating to finally accept myself. I'm starting to be able to tell myself ""I'm okay; you're okay"" and believe it when I say it.

It's a beautiful, yet disorienting experience. And I want to leaves you with three words that I believe are true to myself at the moment:

I am happy. 😊

Thanksgiving for reading.. I hope this can help shed some light on somebody else about splitting, or anything in general..

Peace, love you all..


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bpd,aka-trashpanda,2018/11/12,"My boyfriend is acting weird, I feel like something bads going to happen. I know I can over react over the smallest signals but it's different this time. I don't know what's wrong, he just seems off. He's been more irritable than usual. He's being a bit hostile about my (male) friend. He keeps making remarks about how I'm going to cheat on him but then he'll brush it off as a ""joke"". I've tried talking to him about it but he keeps saying everything is fine. I'm getting a really uneasy feeling. I'm scared he's going to break up with me. ",0.6307556160653505,2.9098334778761132,2.5238938053097364,92.44947583390065,85.90265486725664,4.8928522804629,19.311776718856365,6.297961479604792,0.0362299523485361,425,12,90,4,13,141,74,113,0.177,0.7070000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.8512,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,2,1,4,0,6,0,0,3,0,15,23,6,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,5,1,0,4,1,6,0,0,1,4,9,4,16,20,2,14,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,1,4,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699217145442214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314242841395553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147113672098406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051150760853489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436416025282165,0.1514366085785789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377311787464185,0.0,0.11074937785276404,0.0,0.36141471350166215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874508054094559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768302859724982,0.0,0.0,0.2329943347930993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035613898381663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149647799328893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579807121735912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685728382973717,0.21222623335990487,0.0,0.0,0.19297615107814425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631904636059531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703793051725742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360565451503125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143918656086909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23346302197407376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317638749369819,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnonymousF57,2018/11/12,"Cringing about the past. So, I’m not sure if any of you guys have this issue, but here goes. Do you ever think about a conversation you had with someone in the past? Could have been a day ago, maybe a year ago, maybe 5 years ago...and you still think about it and have like...anxiety about what you may have said and how it may have been perceived and what people’s conversations about you in private as a result of what you said may have been like? I am that way and it suuuucks. It’s tough for me to like, let go of stuff like that and not be hyper conscious of what I’ve said to people before and not freak myself out about it. Do any of you have this issue? If you do, what do you do to overcome it? ",3.2187837837837847,3.733023310810815,4.054972972972973,92.35083783783787,72.64864864864866,7.0010810810810815,21.556756756756762,6.742157984588678,0.14868162162162155,542,10,129,4,10,174,73,148,0.023,0.883,0.094,0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,10,0,0,11,6,0,0,6,0,23,0,0,2,2,26,30,12,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,3,0,3,0,1,16,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,7,3,13,4,20,17,0,14,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,5,12,95,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843922511723421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659161846843248,0.0,0.1105768134944252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229974648045432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540771731098938,0.0,0.0,0.09321980662247742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074956382359054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214846562455817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312264309180964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017356273816499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780743552041434,0.0,0.2824702688186361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904305076096311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759698253306959,0.20041912115922908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124872463180858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247282413250304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543412032891832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654698680930969,0.0,0.0,0.1362323019344693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523767503293467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473338779602595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616496017025586
bpd,jigsawjanet,2018/11/12,The holidays This is the time of year I feel the lowest. I don't know why. I know I'm gonna have to put on my fake happy mask.,-2.9691935483870964,-1.4099467096774203,0.7550806451612893,103.45262096774192,96.741935483871,4.390322580645162,10.975806451612904,5.985473137389443,-1.4901677419354842,96,1,28,1,4,35,25,31,0.17300000000000001,0.636,0.191,0.1531,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223614261274025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678806329815988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831009265165461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44184222604195794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25628951996589183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966013361361441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830385387419319
bpd,kittycanyoufly,2018/11/12,"Having really rough time Hey everyone...this is my first time posting blah blah on mobile blah blah blah.
I'm going through a really rough time and my BPD has been hitting me HARD. Long story short, I was diagnosed with 2 chronic illnesses and I've had to completely abandon my dream career because of my physical limitations. I've been super depressed and sensitive about everything lately. Last night and the day before I had huge blow ups at my SO for seemingly nothing. I honestly don't remember a whole lot of what happened. He's been super supportive and understanding, but I hate putting him through this. I also hate putting myself through this. I did 2 years of really intensive DBT and I've been able to handle my BPD for a long time. Now, I just feel like I'm losing my ability to keep it under control. I just needed to get this out to people who understand. 

",4.246523235800346,6.356752481927714,5.454767641996561,77.07349397590363,72.3734939759036,9.321170395869194,29.929432013769365,9.784248007369934,3.2629962134251294,696,30,122,19,14,231,105,166,0.171,0.735,0.094,-0.8799,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,6,6,10,2,0,4,0,12,3,0,1,0,22,27,9,0,1,3,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,4,5,1,0,3,1,5,0,1,8,4,18,5,20,18,2,24,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,2,14,75,24,1,0.13316074293867233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648859801840492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117355294208356,0.0,0.11330998448866343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354225884369301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961650548204402,0.0,0.14935109609351754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858776630820358,0.0,0.11469115277073046,0.13515535107113402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967628949900767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733007266244281,0.09513006136216202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326645991843763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957099217847247,0.0,0.07567831890257272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775360521056098,0.0,0.11928587023759556,0.2629373305963552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835938669045044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108543778222626,0.15021111810852858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505561279090283,0.0,0.0,0.2356861343530329,0.0,0.14897281014946898,0.0,0.11320850177322896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873700361537836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496233669183113,0.0,0.1277713242147532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231689265251007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275311827060985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26772665179471183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559185451066283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084516361404815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212245392036234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110923306060847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31058840023147244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772500591299696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866921404674407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857511526060542
bpd,squiddyvirtuoso,2018/11/12,"I’m scared that my BPD will lead me to commit suicide I’ve attempted suicide multiple times, and none of my attempts were planned. It was impulsive and wanting the pain to stop in the moment.

With my BPD, I am always sad and I feel alone 24/7 so everyday usually just feels like crap. In the past, I had a lot of difficulty feeling loved and cared about but with the help of others recently, I’ve been getting a lot better with that and I’ve been able to recognized that I am loved and cared about. I’m really proud of that. But sometimes when things get really really bad and I can’t stop crying or it just hurts so bad and I isolate myself, my thoughts are super irrational and the only thing I think about is committing suicide to end the pain. This scares the hell out of me because really, when I’m not in that headspace, I don’t want to commit suicide. I don’t want to put my loved ones through that pain. But when I’m in the headspace, there’s basically no stopping me.

Last month on my birthday, I was in bed all day and I was in that bad headspace. I couldn’t stop crying for a really long time and I just wanted it to stop, I literally came so close to hanging myself but I got interrupted by a phone call. If my friend had not called me to wish me a happy birthday, I would have been dead. And that’s not what I want.",3.0991208791208784,4.430373344322343,4.2624175824175845,87.65758241758246,73.79853479853479,7.837362637362638,25.454212454212453,8.418075326091056,1.4827025641025635,1045,34,226,18,21,342,134,273,0.298,0.528,0.175,-0.9935,0,1,0,0,0,7,25.0,0,0,0,7,13,23,2,2,13,0,20,7,1,1,4,55,44,24,5,9,12,0,3,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,16,18,0,5,5,0,0,4,9,12,0,1,12,3,31,11,31,29,4,33,1,2,0,3,8,9,2,4,21,148,47,1,0.08622300178476752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930102635223554,0.0,0.0,0.07174444466558713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159778148592709,0.05256074159502565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625723824070854,0.0,0.0,0.21718970473729265,0.0,0.17608665026354578,0.09861614397200694,0.1758201935628106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894238374806315,0.05560670310020925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636798723850127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079082124112282,0.06159772970320829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661567729350773,0.0,0.09009591941876093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896041114839213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178598871008838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057793460593456275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923035067171332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028325448533433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042124203379989685,0.0,0.0,0.07630464329988637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660742550737382,0.23345887644449645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882237740918118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842693747818376,0.0655764782145809,0.27524205921787737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230961153957381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667793174658385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761833140473257,0.0,0.08513481224201666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264853302165914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527675348158192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604314515125643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377255877572226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456546221561854,0.05524821801145943,0.0,0.06845143221434558,0.10055465145542143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496245497198337,0.0,0.2542828020680044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915219681758958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125034660912267,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Innersmile12,2018/11/12,"My mum possibly has BPD Hi everyone,

To keep it short my whole life with my mum has been a crazy ass roller coaster. Her addictions, constant drama, crazy mood swings, attachment issues and devilish anger have had me questioning if somethings gone missed all these years. That's when I came across BPD on the Internet. Last night I spoke about the possibility of her having it and when she read about it she couldn't believe how similar the traits were. She felt like all her life was finally making sense. She then took an online bpd questionarre and scored 44 which said likely to have severe bpd. She's going to the doctors today and I was wondering if anyone has any idea of what the process of diagnosis is and who she will be refferd to. We live in the UK. Also I'm interested to know what treatments are available. My mum is worried about taking meds because she got heavily addicted to pain killers a few years ago but if some of you could share experiences of treatment it could give us some insight to whether it's beneficial or not. If we know the med choices out there we could do a bit of research too to see if any seem more suitable than others. Thanks ",5.75153961136024,6.862207143497763,5.659121076233188,80.96865171898358,67.25112107623318,8.995994020926759,31.010164424514198,9.21078282632365,2.584159581464873,935,36,177,17,15,292,149,223,0.091,0.841,0.068,-0.09,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,4,1,0,0,9,9,1,0,11,0,21,7,1,2,2,39,41,18,0,9,9,3,1,2,0,1,6,2,0,0,12,11,0,1,8,3,0,4,2,3,0,0,12,4,23,5,23,23,8,20,0,1,1,1,25,5,1,11,13,118,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23020944023225215,0.0,0.0,0.09359593952476344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443737584027086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360469424497113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382843957455856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643644664837846,0.0,0.0,0.11895967328922592,0.0,0.0,0.115272961080331,0.0,0.5319293087184884,0.0,0.0,0.1207626700238003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141013474799196,0.0,0.2529063561366819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807211596331673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089229404902787,0.0,0.10328372283266933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137946602827738,0.1156646989561046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012880599192317,0.060007162973748425,0.0,0.08444705948533955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919415109993152,0.0,0.11020473011649314,0.0,0.09385001027507392,0.0,0.0,0.11605500687363668,0.08606697775589854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915754060377628,0.10316832656197036,0.0,0.09323469240485624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047971677375263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345652917038772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908564846823273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123513339541208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380655178602133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828089042901213,0.0,0.10561493553954182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043680964789868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413866049675328,0.0961218587555344,0.0,0.11928253551533065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128554023564086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938780411757833,0.0,0.0,0.09720973649545232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008352563779722,0.0,0.11731033361957224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700739342563394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178834028801184,0.0,0.0,0.11450390597798067,0.0,0.10722807627109196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359883111632739
bpd,thisisrumourcontrol,2018/11/12,"It's happening again. In the general rocketing between believing I have no one to talk to, to one person who is everything and ready in silver armour to be THE thing in my life, my brain is trying to get the second thing happening again.

An old friend, who now lives half the world away came out to me. I've always liked them a little, and them thinking I was important enough that I needed to be let know was the warmest feeling. And now I can't stop wanting to talk to them. To tell them everything about how my life is on fire right now and I wish they could be a part of it and fix it.

I can't stand this fucking arrival of visualisations of the rest of my life with people I barely know.

And the other half of the time, I feel so desperately alone.

Fuck me sideways, this is so shit. ",4.670124223602485,4.894818776397519,5.640552795031059,83.29846894409941,69.31055900621118,8.924472049689443,27.280124223602485,8.841846274778883,1.7878516770186337,617,18,132,10,10,204,93,161,0.109,0.779,0.11199999999999999,-0.3688,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,5,0,9,5,3,0,11,0,14,7,2,1,0,21,28,9,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,5,3,3,19,2,24,20,3,19,0,0,0,2,12,9,3,0,9,102,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544030302794588,0.0,0.0,0.12404739468939252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006657476184456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796331687160224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642378062355567,0.0,0.170509030923048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902910529842295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404059944444592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679689097445858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507597389583853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517966655462344,0.2756460979399014,0.07788870711967116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636637995618175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386211692646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244549685564207,0.315901110395324,0.07283348149128868,0.14941839932721646,0.13164131802673296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054172602201018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643550711719872,0.0,0.20204238551518544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144027332643313,0.0,0.10335404439200216,0.1301718419024964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731442107651922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530295782401232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463845175094244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965143745515866,0.1303034280995011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980856800199085,0.09552513142303834,0.0,0.0,0.0869303720663407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012162620715812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793187892911344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143587563165666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stargrl25,2018/11/12,Quetiapine (seroquel) low dose About three weeks ago I was put on 25mg a day of quetiapine/seroquel at night. Since then I’ve been feeling and acting really manic. I know mania isn’t really a symptom of my bpd but of my cyclothymia but I know a lot of people with bpd are on it and some people experience mania in bpd. Does anyone have any experience with this? I’m getting worried ,2.8385714285714267,4.9934557894736855,5.102180451127823,77.82026315789476,76.63157894736842,7.50075187969925,25.330827067669173,8.418075326091056,1.9357090225563909,304,11,56,6,7,106,53,76,0.064,0.917,0.018000000000000002,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,11,10,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,1,5,0,11,8,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,5,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557873183166565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119512610951399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288497423310485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6640339390793857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133409711831203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379561374783365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438246207594345,0.0,0.0,0.08886194094617439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181949690630087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316968652557248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941209479473871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492475567755574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367887747127345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667224303152507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517346502118954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453780611207433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182666322712987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097201982221566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847755506645244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,giulia977,2018/11/12,Tired of myself I'm so goddamn tired of making the same mistakes all over again. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of being toxic. All I do is cry all day. I'm tired of life and I cannot take it anymore.,-2.4396656534954424,-0.6913189787234001,0.8370820668693,101.02,100.48936170212768,2.685714285714286,13.097264437689967,3.1291,-1.6379033434650458,156,3,39,0,7,55,28,47,0.441,0.5589999999999999,0.0,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,3,7,11,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,9,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627295525529808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024113359445848,0.10582211125626692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589903069692148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095289024585148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337250277980855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9429655174094921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Buckojr,2018/11/12,"Identity Issues + LGBT I’m wondering whether others have issues with distinguishing ‘who they are’?
I feel like for so long I was covering who I was to hide my sexuality; and in relationships I feel I ‘change’ to match the guy I’m dating. 
I’ve read that identity issues are a major characteristic of BPD and I’ve been trying to define my ‘values’ to better understand myself. 
But I feel I doubt my own feelings so much like: 
is this the BPD making me feel this way (in which case I shouldn’t give it time) or is this a valid frustration/detriment to my happiness (and I need to act on it)? ",4.480961538461539,5.394007299145301,6.149647435897435,77.02139423076926,70.02564102564102,9.610683760683765,26.59081196581197,9.827888789773867,2.37021452991453,462,14,92,11,8,159,74,117,0.039,0.853,0.109,0.8253,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,19,21,8,0,2,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,8,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,5,16,4,12,17,3,8,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,5,61,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519309287715645,0.0,0.0,0.4135272362256863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173667782147623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150409039641933,0.11728152102216495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748472887110074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255194891796815,0.0,0.17475969351970685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140456453568648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604082055639429,0.0,0.0,0.14528335168168238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109583292402651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068223463410528,0.12172835588844187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421224279985885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762547969995192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572757409540726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145917125171358,0.0,0.0,0.17090448682913054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303087714795865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803299423450028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angrypee,2018/11/12,"The bad thoughts about myself are real I don't know what to do, my friend from uni just unfriended me out of the blue (I have a  chrome extension that tracks this lol how sad is that) while keeping all our mutual friends, so I guess I did something wrong, but I don't know what I did. I always tried to be nice, I always tried to help, I went for lunches with our group between classes which is something I struggle to do because I usually just avoid people but I did it anyway. I tried to make small-talk, I tried to be positive and encouraging to everyone, I tried so hard to not be annoying. I don't know why this is affecting me so much but it hurts so bad.  


Not even because we were that close, we were studying the same course and we'll be studying together next year too and we were in the same small ""clique"" / group chat, but I thought about her (and the whole group) as my friend(s), there was no reason not to. It first started with me pretty much killing the conversation in group chats whenever I typed something even though I mostly just gave a ""LOL"" to other people's jokes or tried to make my own, and like I was never mean or anything but I think they started another group chat without me and yeah idk  


The thing that makes me so sad though is that this isn't the first time something like this has happened, this ALWAYS happens and I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just so unlovable and no one likes me and I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I really do try. I don't really ever initiate conversations because I don't wanna annoy anyone but I never ignore people when they talk to me, however rare that may be, and I still get deleted and ignored. I feel hated and I don't know what else I can do. Recently I've started being extremely avoidant just because I don't wanna feel like this because it always ends the same and this always happens no matter what I do. There's just something wrong with me and I hate myself so much for it.   


The worst thing in my opinion is having all the bad thoughts you think about yourself be realized, whether it be by someone telling you those things through their words, or their actions. I can think of a million reasons why people don't like me, and all of them are true because why else would I think them, and why else would other people act the way they do.    


I've seen my uni counselor and I just feel like I can't even really talk to her either, therapy doesn't really help because I don't think anything will work and I think it's all stupid, there's just something wrong with me and nothing and no one can fix it. If I didn't have this place to vent to I don't know what I'd do.   


I'm a 22 year old guy and I'm crying over this it's pathetic",3.1081910747957258,4.483357154954955,3.943901110412739,89.77549968573227,73.84684684684684,6.964592499476218,25.519589356798658,7.485028197883463,1.103821286402682,2131,70,456,25,43,682,214,555,0.18100000000000002,0.708,0.11,-0.9940000000000001,1,2,6,0,0,0,48.0,6,2,7,3,32,36,6,3,16,3,59,1,0,7,8,110,100,45,1,5,24,0,4,6,2,5,0,0,0,1,38,31,1,5,23,4,0,3,26,24,0,5,15,6,77,12,41,72,15,31,0,3,2,0,37,8,0,8,25,321,115,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24051784186604425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062010756145865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040422951027801315,0.0,0.0951474207476392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448098683125288,0.24668829303698556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350291343279289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448815749534102,0.0,0.05120358395377824,0.0,0.0,0.11455130191270402,0.05229356060701018,0.0,0.055241100650755125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769327355569129,0.08260069796969191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834839284083953,0.0,0.0,0.1339944215479966,0.0,0.03020397774426075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636855794013761,0.057242199452803524,0.1533668196924229,0.0,0.051787500178500666,0.1141532272688369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749928781636141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061888109485699415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138527092228125,0.0639595523743396,0.0,0.22240075237216247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946185926182808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576832001392368,0.0,0.0,0.06297336936451739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749370139182406,0.0,0.0891751576535453,0.0,0.06148289110129461,0.0,0.0,0.05547142727297905,0.0,0.060663153236327115,0.0,0.07834876121543427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003951132350334,0.0,0.060400423137454085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881479690553356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658018278191607,0.14814139818340422,0.11887913058019307,0.05708160793094115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898326131417047,0.2670354214025114,0.0,0.0,0.12275724275133525,0.0,0.0461681170553019,0.0,0.0,0.06043684203563555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393994126546673,0.05052955669518664,0.0,0.0661121713541985,0.0,0.11522162246676405,0.22225858280734145,0.11359846538427372,0.13768695953177731,0.0337101888102716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747501772739845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367089419849767,0.0,0.0,0.045887857618050164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359158254666605,0.20866254578548016,0.06454416548789818,0.0,0.05572795559914477,0.0,0.04208725858947137,0.0,0.0,0.0821348677163271,0.3160374828392558,0.0,0.07445706389277014
bpd,Strawbcough,2018/11/12,"FWB with BPD and jealousy? TLDR: fwb with BPD resents my exes, seems afraid that I might fuck one of them again, always tells me when she sees them in public, or when she thinks one of them is flirting with her. She's either trying to fuck one of them or is trying to get me jealous? 

I recently started a sort of fwb thing with someone who has BPD and it's been great except one thing: she runs into this person I used to hook up with (he's a customer at her work) periodically, and always feels the need to 1.) tell me about it and 2.) remind me that she is positive he's hitting on her. It's been going on for months. Started before I hooked up with her, back when she had a crush on me (says she's over that now). She always tells me when she sees my ex bf too, esp. if he's hanging out with a female friend. 

Maybe I'm misreading it, but it just gives me sort a shitty gut feeling, like she's trying to spark some reaction. 

She brings my exes up when literally nothing eventful happened with them. With the first one (the customer at her work), I wonder if she might be trying to fuck him (I know she finds him attractive), even though she told me she wouldn't (though I never demanded this of her).  

The other possibility is that she feels threatened by him because since I've been fucking her, he's asked if I wanted to hook up again (I said no. She knows this). When I told her he asked, she said, ""tell him you're gonna fuck me instead"" and she's since joked about telling him to his face that she's his replacement. She strongly discouraged me from hooking up with him ever again, even though I never expressed desire to. 

Does this sound BPD related? Is she legitimately interested in the ex fwb or is she just tying to induce jealousy by making it seem plausible that she might fuck him (though, this wouldn't make me jealous because I never had feelings for him)? How should I bring it up with her? I've been nothing but sensitive and nice to her in 3 years knowing her and what she's doing feels intentionally provocative or insensitive at the least. It doesn't make me feel respected, and I'm not inclined to have sex with or be friends with someone who might be trying to possess or control me. ",4.911190476190477,5.373387698412699,5.4563548752834485,83.9956887755102,68.84126984126982,8.023356009070296,27.994897959183675,7.83500028581142,1.5405088435374146,1729,54,356,19,28,557,190,441,0.11699999999999999,0.779,0.10300000000000001,-0.828,0,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,5,5,25,22,9,1,11,0,26,9,2,9,4,80,71,30,0,9,16,2,6,1,3,8,0,4,0,1,25,23,0,2,15,1,0,5,8,11,0,6,10,12,80,11,57,49,3,46,0,1,2,7,79,18,6,19,24,255,105,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700242066635364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735126506723485,0.0,0.0,0.05237401168770688,0.0,0.08304102552698314,0.0,0.057958392686708264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431392949941625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639352802527681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960537033821369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997481840236164,0.06161130699519566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066371895789053,0.04865930815911875,0.0,0.0,0.06225323863515536,0.0579361297401193,0.0,0.0,0.10524650130033517,0.3778113134861253,0.03558576856646942,0.06533934660555701,0.038709684275564274,0.0,0.0,0.07509384661732453,0.0,0.0,0.060231317847829424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229791041718426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033276138635309975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639609584625886,0.0,0.06842777383659228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890247589734025,0.0,0.0,0.05436643991153616,0.0,0.0,0.05050426980529308,0.15759678488409426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071082158131067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23077265746990924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059472871114628914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678617498796833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672524958941342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295804366827324,0.05416548721581308,0.0,0.0,0.10855307339302328,0.12401342173216535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126860898173753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154223470508406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642021033111532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29766495087933936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050132459754122,0.04364349268089597,0.2676792264183807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016808843916916,0.0,0.23121827351097074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058826997909044325,0.0,0.0,0.04017428981557667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386468263239827,0.0991728610346145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386196855032471
bpd,OzzyMar,2018/11/12,"is it weird that i have my suicide planned out? i have the method, the song i want to be played, the time, the location, the clothes I'd be wearing, etc all planned out in my head. i'm not saying i'm going to kill myself (even though i really want to) but is it messed to have that already planned out? i even started to write a suicide note ""draft"" in my phone. ",5.23671052631579,4.072480302631578,5.483157894736844,89.59210526315792,68.34210526315789,8.65263157894737,32.1578947368421,7.1686216300943375,1.6778526315789468,277,10,66,2,4,88,44,76,0.209,0.741,0.05,-0.9399,0,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,3,3,4,1,0,6,0,7,2,2,0,1,9,13,2,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,9,1,10,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773283490822093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28027861177689234,0.33197758305404623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282604460638446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579179717737551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780387990696919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099650057879267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985289051029065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787948312461538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5497877046031662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691214774882603,0.0,0.14654168244274327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296459917801576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,squid517002356,2018/11/12,"DAE have experience finding another Borderline that's lost? I found another Borderline, I'm my brother-in-laws new love, and she is suffering because she doesn't know it. She is very similar to me. Her Nmom abused and neglected her, and still does as she is the last child that stuck around, and its killing her. She is diagnosed Bipolar like I was but I just saw her cycle twice today. I just went out on a limb and poured my heart out to her. I told her everything I know I needed to hear before I knew. I told her I believe shes misdiagnosed, just like me, and tried to explain the disorder. Shes not perceiving it and only keeps blaming herself. I started recovery August 2016 and am proud to say I've improved drastically. I want the same for her, if only I could get her to listen before I get to be checked off the list of those abandoned. I don't know how to have friends and only recently gained my first this last year. It changed my world to have her and now she lives with me. She has never had that friend. How do I approach this and help her without losing her? Are there any Borderlines out there that have recovered and helped others? Or am I stupid for trying to help?",3.164744680851065,5.050409761702127,4.106542553191492,86.54875,74.78723404255321,7.7638297872340445,26.643617021276608,8.548686976883017,1.8596,934,35,190,18,20,301,134,235,0.127,0.733,0.141,0.6802,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,0,5,10,13,2,0,5,0,21,4,1,2,1,43,43,18,1,4,8,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,1,12,17,0,3,8,0,1,2,5,7,0,2,10,4,46,6,22,31,1,21,0,5,1,1,35,7,0,2,14,133,58,0,0.0,0.14901353690549834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552599181546726,0.2637556978911241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119594500380452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666650261875894,0.0,0.21403720565809864,0.14169653850937788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304499513480236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041485555770388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765103535910854,0.0,0.0,0.14414007863391026,0.0,0.11005970246939877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130314274752197,0.1230244300870715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149489195866812,0.1069774949009588,0.0,0.13789721599924412,0.19433481502309916,0.0,0.13141631629321682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174874682961427,0.1490347080515022,0.25289725925526274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117876438910154,0.13914274530274295,0.0,0.2073550510351698,0.2050340672729298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288697802737075,0.0,0.11105471978419793,0.0,0.0,0.14070129895135994,0.13728972832088604,0.0,0.11350978581574668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325476675448466,0.09699939874577117,0.12146672142677385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28695481187291466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417991275674535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001510557280212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901865386344172,0.0,0.1004378285034773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921257643513425,0.24035185090429026,0.0,0.17077531265192472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377109087041893,0.07418073839543021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658743133501602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123506879459195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098993733247452
bpd,efoxxred,2018/11/12,"How to Make Normal Friendships Well there ever come a day where I won’t have to worry so much if a person even wants to talk to me or not? Will I ever understand actually liking someone based on interests or, how they talk and interact with you and so on. Rather than just completely getting attached no matter what. When they move on because they weren’t interested in me, for whatever completely normal reasons they may have. Will I ever not be interested to the fullest extent in someone else?",5.420276497695851,7.198653946236561,6.212933947772663,74.18225806451615,68.6774193548387,9.185253456221199,31.565284178187408,9.606745405546679,3.23400583717358,399,17,67,9,7,131,64,93,0.054000000000000006,0.7809999999999999,0.165,0.8358,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,4,0,14,5,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,4,3,24,13,10,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,10,5,13,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,4,6,58,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.17146393934115747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710888995363643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135536327999455,0.3684492887001549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331598570155108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678001313405686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160523110317986,0.4768090465383636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179925573204853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584119111133166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728527618239735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674792089640485,0.1291642996759194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443096084877096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534199070162908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065527331757464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977506452986132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824520319704084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291638715246847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363608974033887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579810066528465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784382105327319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0MY,2018/11/12,Teen daughter fears abandonment Our 17yo (foster-adopted at 3.5yo) daughter is convinced we will abandon her at any moment and acts out because of it. Any suggestions on how we can reinforce our commitment to her or help her understand that we would never do that?,5.890531914893613,8.453217148936176,5.562712765957446,76.10875000000001,69.0,8.955319148936171,35.15425531914894,9.516144504307137,3.887685106382978,214,11,33,5,4,66,38,47,0.159,0.701,0.14,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,13,6,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,6,4,0,7,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,1,2,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5497689327337866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464096611243542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548615429801798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27094113606237696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117605232766061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208088142061889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871473402713848,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tessthegoddess,2018/11/12,"How do you deal with Borderline Rage? I get so fucking angry sometimes, and it's always this very righteous anger, like I've been wronged for a long time and I'm finally standing up for myself. After the rage subsides, I almost always realize the anger is built on very flawed perceptions of the circumstances and was, in fact, not justified at all. Do you also experience this? How do you handle it?

​

I am tired of the cycle of the extreme anger, the subsequent realization that I may have been delusional, and the intense and immense shame of my actions.",6.51424450549451,7.819018528846158,6.65620879120879,73.80307692307693,65.63461538461539,9.78901098901099,35.049450549450555,9.957137785484203,3.73046043956044,453,21,75,10,7,145,72,104,0.28300000000000003,0.684,0.033,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,0,4,9,6,1,8,0,10,2,0,2,2,15,13,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,3,0,9,1,12,9,1,10,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,2,5,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213480737716123,0.0,0.0,0.17677235081125553,0.3678600056641664,0.2395058831816676,0.2685980392340414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278912266767041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162277818795196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421477519508048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435571299859856,0.11548868202335134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799309804536136,0.0,0.0,0.19562090589267714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186225509513444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889511803445675,0.2540626544761052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647762121108457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24168175908564585,0.2685980392340414,0.0
bpd,always-have-hope,2018/11/12,"I’m on the edge of just cutting everyone out and completely isolating. I’m having a hard face with reality right now. Where thoughts come from, but also just how badly I speak to myself. Was taught to speak to myself. Recently I spiraled. Hardcore spiraled, I hadn’t recognized the signs or how bad it was. But I’m beginning to recognize it and I’m trying to get my life back together. 

I’m getting my finances in order - that’s a hard one, but even though I’m swimming in debt right now, I am trying to remain positive and I have plans and goals to get out. I have budgets and I’ve massively cut back. I’m looking for a cheaper place to live and that will help out a lot. 

I am slowly getting my apartment back in line. Slowly. But that’s also hard. I need to sit down and fold and hang up a massive pile of clothes, I need to slam through and get all the dishes done finally. I’m almost there. Sweep and just sanitize. Hang my curtains, vacuum. Cleanse. I can do it.

I’m getting my work straight. I’ve called the Union - been making my hours, but I also have been avoiding certain tasks. I still need to sit down and just do it. But it’s getting there. 

I am eating more, writing more - and actively trying to reach out to certain people like my sister, my partner. I am cutting my mom out for good reasons. 🎉🎊

I should be proud right?

I’m very self aware of the fact that I smoke cigarettes and need to quit. It was drilled into me not to. Let me explain. My Nannie - my grandmother was very critical of certain things almost to a fault sometime. She didn’t just do that to my mom, but she would also do that to us grandkids and her husband. And I love her to death - she has come a long way. But suddenly, I’m very aware of the fact. That - 

I need to shave my legs, arms and nether region, I need to be clean, I probably smell, the apartment isn’t clean enough, sorry for the TMI but even though I’ve gotten it checked out and stuff the fact my partner doesn’t go down is I probably smell, I’ve had BV before - I probably have it again. I have gotten it checked out just recently. Normal. 

I need to make sure my feet are okay. Calluses are smoothed out I need to paint my nails.

I probably smell like cigarette smoke and kitty litter. I am a shitty friend for not texting people back, for being super busy with work lately - for flaking out of plans even though I got sick and it wasn’t even me who cancelled. For choosing to eat Burger King when it was the only thing I could stomach today - and that should be okay because I’m recovering from days of skipping eating. I’m not good enough. Holy fuck those thoughts though. All this progress and my Nannies nitpicking still comes back to haunt me. I want to just cut everyone out and just say fuck it. Doesn’t matter. No one cares!! The struggle is fucking real!! I just want to fucking cry. 

Wanna know what’s even worse? I will probably delete this later. Feel like some massive burden or over-sharer - because we weren’t supposed to talk about our problems. Not ever. Everything was supposed to be okay. And I will be okay, I’ll get through it and keep moving foreword and up. But heaven forbid I actually share my problems or let someone in. 😔I’m okay you guys. Just having a moment - super reflective. ",1.8962098318300318,4.227563281298302,3.113059124777965,89.94317008466173,80.79289026275116,5.902872038570671,24.030750421001635,7.138362615047549,1.0082119495259407,2541,93,511,33,67,819,279,647,0.14,0.708,0.152,0.8466,2,2,4,0,0,0,91.0,3,1,0,11,41,39,8,2,20,5,54,16,5,5,10,120,109,49,1,18,27,5,5,3,3,6,2,3,5,4,29,42,4,3,8,1,5,8,12,17,0,2,20,12,67,22,72,74,8,65,1,0,1,5,30,29,4,7,27,335,96,5,0.0,0.0,0.05790956071203324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884555711730906,0.0,0.0,0.1898241819513353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281529709838301,0.09909674538784784,0.07234907572288284,0.0,0.050495958047925296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060595160984713674,0.0,0.060503467567567415,0.0,0.0,0.15335450648049115,0.062219311346958836,0.0,0.0,0.04738002739327424,0.0,0.06518477073248842,0.0382708981191168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072781400710365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216607685530176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263299472941484,0.0,0.1959752697065947,0.053678541261906465,0.0,0.1134082921956238,0.05333306611190887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03000526864308795,0.04239417743562482,0.0,0.06500662959233786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458477423889244,0.2194441374401345,0.2480313746930687,0.0,0.033725617682210135,0.09954707365524716,0.04746148795328582,0.0,0.0,0.058758243454504575,0.0,0.0,0.1594772338839353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03977591763240202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058440248376882914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527461957732164,0.0,0.0,0.032612996498758214,0.0,0.06694074094678823,0.0,0.0,0.1213631203711538,0.04191524760987599,0.08697500513558454,0.0,0.052400370804736036,0.05251610088235048,0.04983261736068565,0.0,0.0,0.05045073284588955,0.053558776054447664,0.0,0.07922294154455853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390020558452384,0.0,0.06307151290557379,0.0,0.35201272790493204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814289072404796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042380673459361,0.04513252138394201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228100920731066,0.0,0.06200011182994119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199053807694661,0.1135652043714142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311788003035597,0.0,0.06754457123782431,0.0,0.061013805925208164,0.1171867974201872,0.0,0.0,0.15203409476297866,0.0,0.04719140823797185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190699961128124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028056959737735,0.0,0.058691088708159374,0.06642888788302742,0.0,0.0,0.09478173402502378,0.0,0.0,0.06203749527268356,0.06793277837638911,0.0,0.0,0.05592945036864822,0.0,0.0,0.04769712266170165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884882375641085,0.0,0.23321417936117944,0.09422237400630902,0.0,0.0,0.05624959679271401,0.0,0.0,0.12086865454225705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138152482497563,0.0,0.0,0.14689092866079986,0.07000329578145065,0.04710318498069134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640385625195361,0.0,0.06047491119729435,0.04215509361549444,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LeeciXo,2018/11/12,"DAE feel like they aren’t good enough. When people don’t text back or never follow through on plans. Today, I was leaving work and a co-worker said we should do something when they get off in a  few hours and to message them on FB. So I messaged them. My work has been closed for 20 minutes now and no response. I feel like there must be something wrong with me. That’s why they aren’t getting back to me. If I was someone else they would be messaging back and wanting to do something. ",2.8838636363636354,4.436822171717171,3.1817045454545467,94.29255681818184,74.75757575757575,5.354040404040403,25.506313131313128,5.148860815047168,0.3842010101010098,381,13,82,1,8,117,69,99,0.055,0.863,0.08199999999999999,0.3818,2,0,3,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,6,3,8,4,0,0,2,0,14,0,0,0,2,16,21,9,0,5,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,3,14,3,10,12,2,15,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,11,59,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106567574394443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487119916977657,0.0,0.0,0.18394116512235087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002346224021226,0.2543535500904494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601511016104316,0.0,0.0,0.1493138510811773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531280876246955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884963665073576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394213595301433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372991904824903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341592680200075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693367895035881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083488053380553,0.4111430599445411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687411515072872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050001903391178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063441531366335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38879975226364544,0.0,0.0,0.12645955605316275,0.1946357783836388,0.0,0.0
bpd,WolfGirl520,2018/11/12,"DAE struggle with compulsive eating? I’ve never struggled with that until they changed my meds. I feel like I need to eat and if I don’t I feel really bad. For example the other day I was eating a bag of chips and I had the feeling that I had to eat them all or otherwise I got really anxious and obsessed about those chips. Also happens with chocolate, lately I eat a whole bar of chocolate per day. This impulse to eat has never happened to me before and it worries me because it’s not healthy",3.330300000000001,4.940028030000004,4.743000000000002,83.32150000000003,73.7,7.0,29.5,7.645422480735847,1.9676000000000005,393,17,74,5,8,131,66,100,0.157,0.782,0.061,-0.8545,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,3,4,0,5,7,0,0,3,17,12,8,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,7,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,3,14,1,12,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993980323654164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041707487701258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378047100336196,0.07576859487959968,0.0,0.10576521538561713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314867900946951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031896171680635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7631040225543549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854065692114672,0.08879580625679709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994094317635665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982591337789734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020927927717078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060723871156840074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806284376181135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216257950291888,0.19172670973867512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925210337243426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598785844709472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877004322101447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622680050878693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dezzydoll,2018/11/12,"This is the most suicidal I've felt in a long time. (trigger warning?) I spent the last 2-3 hours crying in bed. My husband found me and tried to coax me into a better mood. He doesn't know the wave of self-loathing I'm laying under right now. How bad I just want to get drunk or high so I can stop feeling this way.

I recently quit my job for another. Failed the drug test cause there was still weed in my system after a couple months sober because I'm fat. I gained weight because I traded weed for beer. 

So now I'm not working. The burden of bills falls on this wonderful man who deserves better than me. And that terrifies him. I've applied over and over for this position I got certified for at the beginning of the year and the only fucking prospect came when a friend got me an interview. And I fucked it up cause there was still weed in my system. I could go back to my old job, but the idea of going back to the school system in the worst state in the country and being overworked/underappreciated fills me with dread. 

I can't seem to get my shit together. I just wanna die. My kids deserve better than me. My husband deserves better than me. I sit on my ass all day not making any fucking changes, praying for a solution. Nothing comes but more self-loathing and pathetic attempts at survival. All of which leave my poor family to carry the burden that is me. 

I was going to sneak out, buy some alcohol and sleeping pills and go to my favorite park when I was a kid. The thing that stopped me? I didn't have my ID and my usual cashier wasn't at the store. So here I sit. 

Wishing it would end so they could move on. Cause it doesn't feel like I'll ever be able to. ",1.95497807017544,3.953031818713451,3.2073647660818736,91.10297697368424,78.76608187134501,6.029385964912281,23.260599415204677,7.04035,0.7237336257309943,1310,43,279,15,32,424,190,342,0.159,0.732,0.11,-0.9721,2,0,3,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,1,10,19,17,4,1,22,0,18,13,4,6,3,49,46,20,2,6,7,2,4,1,1,1,4,0,1,3,13,15,5,2,8,2,6,9,7,10,0,0,12,4,40,6,43,29,6,60,1,1,0,4,11,20,5,5,25,176,53,8,0.09702111271664236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036860634895946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597768364303515,0.1017350961100542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920649384643006,0.08100857654381083,0.1182863395893088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432291594430984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096630622849653,0.0,0.2990022253664669,0.10263547271375399,0.0835750977689635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492692764889066,0.10735201584990804,0.10657313655875314,0.06257059134583938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069259734162754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251368858662757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593190847501546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776115101573258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146287041134152,0.0,0.09811357949558937,0.06931190231050426,0.09315548315019996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637864232061472,0.07495827101360192,0.2690833659874612,0.1013790539913838,0.0,0.2205573368371512,0.0,0.1551932937736376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250813241385476,0.0,0.0,0.0955462526110082,0.0,0.0,0.109525026806661,0.0,0.0,0.1925569675359701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053320266227767914,0.07908515609947997,0.0,0.10273134962415094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739961494765264,0.0,0.0,0.08586063167786087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476234611964585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774413265350162,0.1031180885093262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309437432549836,0.0,0.10180733708827128,0.0,0.0,0.07378892815978581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319389593897146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957966440934338,0.0,0.0,0.08285550014565903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819054577924216,0.0,0.08832437715907385,0.20242836016380933,0.0,0.09959077797278017,0.0,0.0,0.09709118020392993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496237188558207,0.16222798909792233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612535014820423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445651620203406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657379104819479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658709669014994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685504861782186,0.0,0.05722556601062793,0.07701084331339783,0.0,0.1181455776489254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156949148622132,0.0,0.1052152580976176,0.07063252557359112,0.0,0.0,0.06892101480218868,0.0,0.0,0.062478415627386825
bpd,whatareyoureader,2018/11/12,"Does splitting = wanting to hurt or punish. When I was with my u diagnosed ex w BPD, when she split me, she became cold to the point of cruelty.  

I listened to a video on YouTube about BPD and splitting and it sounded like when someone is split, the person w BPD almost feels like they need to hurt or punish the person they previously loved.  

Is that true?",6.0927142857142815,5.9439004142857135,6.237857142857145,81.50964285714288,66.28571428571429,8.714285714285714,31.785714285714285,8.07648339933343,2.1638571428571427,279,10,55,3,4,89,48,70,0.21,0.649,0.141,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,8,2,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,10,8,7,0,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,8,4,8,7,0,5,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,3,5,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835781933504499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6926919454228059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860757668985866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043303905848286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269699502617322,0.13097076055654966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925164299082883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913124334608962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546219454264885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593663531183695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201528117454298,0.0,0.0,0.17330580569536402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533464356950274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081325956127325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hellisinmyhead,2018/11/12,"Weekends, lonely and lying This has happened to me before in times that I end up no having any friends so I spend all the weekend alone in my house, the problem with this is that some ""friends"" or people I know tend to ask me how my weekend go, I don't want them to think that I'm so pathetic as I am and end up inviting me for compromise to social things because oh poor her she is lonely or you know judge me so I tend to lie in my answer and invent some go out with imaginary people, I feel really guilty about this but I don't know what else to do, anybody has gone through the same? Does anybody has any tip on how to deal with this?",2.0810303030303032,3.478497614814813,3.3563636363636355,92.85818181818182,76.55555555555556,6.094276094276093,23.38383838383839,6.574015621080383,0.4785555555555558,498,15,112,4,11,162,80,135,0.142,0.831,0.027000000000000003,-0.8857,0,5,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,1,24,24,12,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,6,3,2,3,3,3,0,0,1,1,19,2,21,23,4,16,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,4,6,78,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065172668817381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27119636588942925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641118284159267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155180229023482,0.0,0.16967389417957962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055716517168498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744954411342755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657230921123198,0.0,0.3532167242859449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082214445253683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081104029390964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226646135927206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763279100242016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300797170411519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32875348824300543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27647637135590203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907979491220819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277401291009162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032622074591286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247186007969264,0.12776685162395549,0.0,0.0,0.11627118208535332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761071836057267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cosmicowboi,2018/11/12,"I really wish I would stop doing this, I don't even understand why it's happening. About once a week after my boyfriend falls asleep, I'll start imagining realistic situations in which he dies. It usually ends in me crying for about an hour or so. It always feels so real, I don't force myself to do it, it just happens. It's happened for as long as I can remember, usually including the person I'm closest to at the time. I don't want it to happen. It puts me in such a dark place yet I don't know what I can do to stop it. ",2.7699107142857144,3.5577747410714338,5.146785714285713,83.09821428571429,73.91071428571428,9.171428571428573,25.607142857142854,9.516144504307137,2.04205,409,13,91,10,8,145,71,112,0.091,0.879,0.03,-0.6436,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,0,10,1,1,0,0,13,21,5,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,12,0,15,20,0,20,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,12,61,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078797408075474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726569915076448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313004839180728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921655372906327,0.0,0.0,0.1038171956339355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947591676827344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559819175480529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547925589724159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638308912112956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910107962594134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739364701059367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372452160516325,0.16422168339943058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801127381341712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890747074123126,0.1006947821187459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805650869249665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667909759694406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112541933037996,0.0,0.0,0.2628222968791074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165405913692402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363195339089145,0.0,0.0,0.3462274231102369,0.0,0.09270998662284984,0.0,0.12608187931470274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183226189210887,0.0,0.1807514854686579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165754759258233,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kataastrophic,2018/11/12,"I hope that I am aloud to post this here I figured it would be nice to express my feelings with other people diagnosed with BPD who may have or still do feel the same way. 

Sometimes when I am having suicidal thoughts, I reminiscence about past attempts or times I spent my time reminiscing about the same thing. I laugh because it feels like my life is on a steady decline. I always feel like hopefully it cant get worse, somehow it always somehow does. I won’t commit suicide now, whether it do to with so many failed attempts, cowardice, or guilt for the very few people in my life it doesn’t much matter. I have gotten such good control over my behavior, I rarely get angry anymore or act out on negative cognitions. But sometimes I question if it is because I have actually gotten to a point where I have good control over my behavior or my self-loathing has gotten so great that I can’t even get angry at what happens to me. When I think about the negative ideas or black and white things that pop into my head, I don’t battle the idea. It is like the idea is just then accepted, so I just don’t get angry. It does take a bit of the helplessness away though. Like I’ve always battled with my appearance. I just stopped caring, okay I am ugly this is just how it is. I’ve accepted the idea that I am a being with no intrinsic value.  

I spend so much of my time caring for people so deeply. I have no grounds anymore for how I think people should treat me. I don’t really even feel like a person sometimes, just a hollowed out shell. Even someone taking the time to interact with me seems too great of an effort for someone to put into me. All of the above still makes me cry so I still am above the surface of apathy at this moment (can have long apathetic spells). And really this though has no ending just I guess thank you for listening. ",3.842763466042154,5.32657090710383,4.660862607338019,84.92815573770491,72.16939890710383,7.632943013270882,26.73263075722092,8.192908349453996,1.6724007806401249,1456,50,288,22,28,470,174,366,0.122,0.6920000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9704,1,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,1,0,6,34,25,2,1,18,1,35,4,1,5,2,64,64,24,2,5,15,0,5,5,0,4,3,1,0,1,23,12,0,3,17,0,2,3,12,5,0,0,5,8,43,20,38,53,7,37,0,2,2,0,7,16,0,16,21,211,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.07776782060228044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893019036772094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806594640193303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748731844289485,0.0,0.0,0.09715891249005484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700293927624611,0.0,0.10036918656370593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250245222919674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876253471370326,0.0,0.0,0.08753783475466041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088562377362098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947787672121267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705833894650507,0.0,0.0,0.1579072895352745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014731522971145,0.17079577594049206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654296124594384,0.0,0.0,0.13368360716807529,0.0,0.17572125165201574,0.08778963711314684,0.0,0.07047130382603957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178690354241717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830412075905406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598499211971927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125775231773659,0.1946672395456188,0.0,0.0,0.07052484359981083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531949770458366,0.08079510121114795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171654649253118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607495729684212,0.22099337948108755,0.06958391281284151,0.0,0.0,0.07533462541040829,0.0,0.07632283281437559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011239310769447,0.08927319148472516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021053722852228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254853316902103,0.0831360552661759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504541454471095,0.0,0.2364520470275422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909262166057012,0.06662601552693254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434005725134055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983681578376185,0.0,0.0,0.07336961523422537,0.0,0.0,0.1058875443915294,0.10212673216001336,0.15659381835631495,0.06326648474231139,0.18587600335817692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575418202531652,0.0,0.0632557386782812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121287723656957,0.0566108552275876,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brokenchalkboard,2018/11/12,"I’m underwater Depression becomes more apparent for me in the cold seasons (SAD, yay). And I feel like my ears are plugged, my movements are restricted, and my brain is fogged. The only way I am reminded BPD is still there, is that every few weeks I will spiral into a suicidal frenzy, in attempt to break the surface on this hazy existence.

Take care of yourselves during this seasonal change. ",6.245416666666667,7.705542708333336,6.5787777777777805,73.54400000000003,66.3611111111111,10.204444444444446,35.23333333333333,10.355215969177356,4.0230966666666665,313,15,52,8,5,101,59,72,0.16399999999999998,0.764,0.071,-0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,1,7,2,2,0,0,5,11,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,3,7,10,2,12,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072739604207089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35041043627410806,0.3105873816575897,0.0,0.0,0.2836655209171337,0.0,0.2943216213013508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23963190473517446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23441374488391226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067722896038787,0.1987616067244428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592504766223334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160010662830714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22218817397211352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043293345947367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918806029096826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083940047704492,0.22317263046899427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beAGoodOneyabish,2018/11/12,DAE every crave something so badly Not like food. But like a thing or an experience. Like this internal hunger for something and nothing will satisfy it. Idk how else to describe it other than needing something but not sure what it is or how to fill it ,3.19125,5.861560624999999,3.8873333333333338,84.29100000000003,78.16666666666666,6.34,28.35,7.554174236665415,1.9188700000000003,202,9,36,3,5,64,36,48,0.23800000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.033,-0.7907,0,0,3,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,1,11,3,8,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699166876028428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709911823073388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189628572324904,0.0,0.0,0.2542156983007298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142518724535721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38089750437190745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927001460895556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24936499934867476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6002124963940396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449368992057075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265489173963594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,schwulerbro,2018/11/12,"I have no interesting title I just can’t do it. The loneliness is crushing me. BPD is more than enough, being gay and terrified of intimacy just makes it unbearable. There’s a real possibility that I’ll always be alone and that’s a life I can’t live. What did I do to deserve this. I just wish I was loveable. ",1.8602083333333328,3.8423204375000033,4.6106250000000015,81.00520833333336,79.0,8.016666666666666,24.729166666666664,8.841846274778883,1.9406541666666668,244,9,51,6,6,87,47,64,0.215,0.7,0.086,-0.7964,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,11,2,0,1,0,8,13,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,3,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269945143413987,0.0,0.0,0.26270739316681685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976429214844343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32622695884289016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300497165689356,0.0,0.0,0.27878979303387313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107480074811406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559310099107148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35936266760640523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630666496078725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SpaceC0wb0y_,2018/11/12,"I feel bad. I don't know if this is the place to post this, so sorry in advance. A situation happened between my boyfriend and I last night (won't get into it since it's personal), which resulted to me overreacting to the whole situation. Due to me overreacting he got upset at me which later led to me using some self-destructive coping mechanisms. Fast forward to today, I texted him saying ""I hope you're okay"", since I hadn't really heard much from him since last night. It took about 30 minutes till he responded ""Sorry i've been quiet today, i'm just scared you'll snap and i'll upset you again"". I feel like a demon, i've told him countless times that he should break up with me and find someone better because I keep hurting him. I can't tell you how many times i've made this man cry..and I don't mean to hurt him. It's not intentional..but it just happens. He won't leave. I'm just waiting for the day he gets tired of putting up with my BS..I know it'll get here. I haven't even apologized yet because i don't know how to go about it.",1.7365137614678898,3.6016373761467904,3.438064220183488,89.8274633027523,78.90825688073394,6.5618348623853215,22.367889908256878,7.554174236665415,0.8000029357798168,820,25,180,12,20,273,125,218,0.11,0.83,0.06,-0.8393,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,0,2,12,10,0,3,5,1,13,1,0,6,0,29,36,8,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,5,1,3,0,2,13,6,0,2,7,0,0,6,9,6,0,0,7,5,27,4,22,24,3,29,1,2,0,0,21,7,0,3,17,96,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122405566241993,0.1478043873072707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722027537924997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818491931896157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007290867766781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259756751471493,0.08660850686287894,0.0,0.0,0.11080428903629813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001689898866653,0.0,0.06889921133438495,0.0,0.09696068785310112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144109607200158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041120560814834,0.0,0.0,0.25956375124527503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775699718557448,0.0,0.0,0.1998785990390417,0.1976413013196328,0.0,0.12836769014212565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059228065305451084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471310243418648,0.0,0.12291070500778828,0.0,0.1320577096040187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911982088431593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275369371154556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585552407039683,0.12666213701342882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610720264946092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187212552645682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766463006130757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640893281757026,0.12137486015408727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647191489528362,0.0,0.0,0.3008542769880154,0.27254077054858256,0.0,0.0,0.10271988561770136,0.0,0.0,0.27141966846022386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596252974567028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138326627673858,0.13933890001624374,0.22982842855029176,0.11584282850925542,0.13469374433345627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047059369497682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535173278241666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bansheebeatAIA,2018/11/12,"I need help but i'm scared of whats next i'm 20 and i havent been diagnosed with BPD, i'm really not trying to self diagnose but i've been reading about BPD all week and it's the only thing that makes sense, i've been diagnosed with major depression and panic disorder but i've never been fully honest with past doctors about how suicidal i am, and my drug use. I was admitted to a psych ward when I was 13 when i had a plan to kill myself and it was really hard for me, I lied to get discharged and the first panic attack i ever had was when I got admitted. Ever since then it's been incredibly hard to talk about my suicidal thoughts, or even mental health in general. I dropped out of school 3 years ago and since then i've just been isolating, i barely see anybody besides my family and i'm constantly feeling so unstable and anxious, I feel like I have no identity at all and i've been mirroring people for years, i ruminate constantly about everything and everyone, and I just smoke weed all day to numb myself. I thought I was on a better path, stopped drinking and taking pills, but I can't imagine myself not feeling so depressed all the time, it sounds horrible but I don't want to be happy because I can't imagine myself any other way. I just want to figure out what's wrong with me but I really can't bring myself to get help. I hate myself so much and it's so hard for me to see myself in the future I just really dont know what to do.",2.8202021040974508,4.285089950166114,4.7470971760797385,83.36633790143966,74.74750830564784,8.471816168327798,25.16625138427464,9.075114841892004,1.977813842746401,1149,38,235,26,24,394,146,301,0.28300000000000003,0.6459999999999999,0.071,-0.9976,0,0,3,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,19,14,3,3,7,0,24,9,0,3,7,59,49,31,3,3,13,0,6,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,11,20,1,1,11,2,0,1,10,10,0,1,17,9,37,4,30,31,6,30,0,2,2,0,6,6,0,1,22,157,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662017139316633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664508700458717,0.0,0.0,0.11039232816094224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116712610745044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059567339638489765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642269253307894,0.0,0.0,0.24614213033276566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119459508789715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301934236902597,0.0,0.16832691444462122,0.29754191147544384,0.0,0.0,0.11199207902049127,0.1000174286950543,0.0,0.0,0.11452352590362555,0.09572539995687934,0.11332062730639575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454111726911889,0.17678113323210595,0.0,0.09337272372231807,0.08782168483308762,0.0,0.09211883443210354,0.0,0.1482258627645446,0.0698090014494421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311797923179311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210613604750296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781531635176725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402149965223967,0.26260555398820834,0.09647524783377387,0.0,0.1038685377530304,0.0,0.0,0.13099521017336224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810931612331497,0.0,0.053702674696533066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773956100296229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522681622389218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847569223445238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183319434356575,0.07245587283139397,0.07536532817403979,0.0,0.10392307424765397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431813615190029,0.0,0.2292995495610149,0.0,0.0,0.09328187611709736,0.06774462247482987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774338357587473,0.0,0.2503998957563825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783170378213883,0.09889476012240124,0.1557354994249922,0.0,0.10194007967619977,0.0,0.0,0.16166492506776287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816957373016772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377294448303655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734709778448493,0.07854117490735728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491879291981084,0.0,0.0,0.15515267051859385,0.05697953352357114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634338794083333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843960618772015,0.0,0.0,0.11527196592252947,0.07756315861024933,0.07838263506032495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683813401043556,0.0,0.12585301114813285
bpd,forrest-gold,2018/11/12,mental stability https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/9w2b8l/im_finally_confident/?st=JODOAEC4&sh=b49e33d8 this was from last night and I don’t know how to feel anymore. I’m so tired ,20.893571428571427,28.12226776190477,10.0575,32.306250000000034,61.85714285714285,5.90952380952381,19.535714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.051371428571429,177,3,17,2,4,42,20,21,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.5777,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218508798545267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861217161262288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686254019701127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397166646134191,0.31736493157546397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392364218214634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653702135959573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474902783395393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AgentDeadPool,2018/11/12,"It’s quiet annoying really but... I know it’s the internet. So instead of complain. I’d like to educate! 😇

So the thing is, I get quite annoyed when people clearly are speaking of DID more than bpd and I feel bad because they’re probably confused as I was when I started learning about BPD. So I just want to clarify for people in the sub about dissociation in BPD and DID. When DID dissociation happens it’s exactly as you would think. Usually multiple personalities and so on. When a person with BPD has a dissociative episode or dissociates. They’re typically not really a different person. They’re the same just feel more like plankton when he was controlling spongebobs body. (Easiest reference of top of my head lol) BPD is a never ending rollercoaster that’s on fire and makes you feel on edge in a sense. It’s more emotional and it’s fluctuate from very frequently to anything making it go off in a sense. When DID episodes happen it’s like they’ve flipped a switch and they’re a completely different person. Sometimes they remember what happened like a dream other times they “blackout” in a sort of sense. Tbh I could be writing for ever on my phone a lot of the close similarities but they’re completely separate as one is a “personality” disorder and the other is in another section of the DSM. ",3.593658536585366,6.289283601626017,5.324022764227647,74.4181317073171,76.8048780487805,9.301853658536585,30.97821138211382,9.692545771848811,3.688337430894308,1050,52,182,33,25,356,133,246,0.067,0.8690000000000001,0.064,-0.5625,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,2,3,16,9,2,1,19,1,15,2,2,3,4,38,29,23,0,3,6,0,4,4,0,1,0,2,0,5,12,9,0,1,8,1,0,1,2,5,0,1,6,6,13,4,31,20,6,28,0,0,0,0,14,14,0,4,17,123,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100264893446599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868631702202819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983789867991432,0.058288475111285536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621119007408686,0.6021441248179253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050947408255446,0.0,0.10724487634170027,0.07634401738767227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998030763593256,0.10958769604726523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755854233633193,0.08469008214814899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649288978726087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504356859035036,0.06831025639594382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995699829667016,0.0,0.054342500086990944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536667857132145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813271411512077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254971997164208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868585187945396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812918826246637,0.0,0.0,0.12765289425811693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374729310032624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479393151005422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258039606979735,0.4174542577915681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309349021330852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017026117463692,0.0,0.0,0.12251200221667682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831772475511348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456966876876874,0.0,0.06767964381995648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352503684613155,0.06126881552235563,0.0,0.0,0.05575622718418824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105310856071804,0.07889571639324218,0.05639858316219633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792501771362645,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gatorpeste,2018/11/12,"Being impulsive is not fun. I see person I look up to and want to be, they have animals that yeah, I like.

I immediately start planning on owning said animal, read up a lot on animal, learn to take proper care of animal.

Acquire animal. Live with animal happily for a while.

Suddenly extreme regret of getting animal. Want to find new owner for animal, don't want to deal with animal.

Tbh I feel like the only animal I can take care of are cats. Anything else I just get overwhelmed with or unhappy with. Now I feel like a garbage human and feel stuck with an animal I don't want anymore, because my bf likes it, my family knows about the animal, etc. Awesome.",2.890520833333333,5.128537843750003,5.440312500000001,75.05677083333336,76.8125,9.891666666666666,23.166666666666664,10.125756701596842,2.874951041666667,516,16,93,18,12,183,81,128,0.07400000000000001,0.6890000000000001,0.237,0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,3,9,0,1,6,1,8,0,0,0,0,22,27,4,0,5,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,6,12,7,20,23,3,9,0,2,2,0,7,4,0,2,9,58,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569307747047415,0.0,0.0,0.1374881340289565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184710610105713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406873146210454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224654368993736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956936326807026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863323078137757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575030337304154,0.0,0.2534337652733899,0.2387162099425409,0.0,0.0,0.1527031286083742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457913236869652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918198133561472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264967792212693,0.0,0.14752990475030311,0.0,0.14030055856047086,0.0,0.0,0.14204082331921902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136165916447073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706773785486622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588306866653314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711978104350386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589261741373754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313679971188014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825623936554612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512385653388397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941796365269723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teamtoto,2018/11/12,DAE use tinder compulsively? I've been in a relationship for 3 months but I still need the validation,2.311929824561407,5.213185105263161,4.890526315789477,71.280350877193,92.68421052631581,8.849122807017544,22.12280701754386,8.841846274778883,2.7055122807017558,83,3,15,3,3,29,18,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136596457254403,0.0,0.0,0.3842734302498727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564031071205093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138725582520808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44759883401861145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GalacticDemon,2018/11/12,"How do I get over severe and uncalled for jealousy? It’s literally the dumbest shit ever and I know I shouldn’t be but I’m jealous of my boyfriends past relationships like. Even from way before we knew each other I hate hearing about them. I think it’s fucking weird that he has fond memories of his exes or people he liked bc in my head I hate hate haaaate everyone I was ever in a relationship with, especially if they broke up with me (even if the relationship was abusive asf, which basically all of them were before him). Like. I feel like shit getting jealous over things waaay in the past (especially bc when we first got together I was all “I’m not the jealous type :)”. But that was before we got hella serious so idk).
So.
Uh.
Help?",0.927346469622332,3.514647048275865,2.8904433497536988,86.63770114942531,92.3103448275862,5.796387520525452,22.76683087027915,7.2636822038024595,1.2338210180623976,582,23,114,11,21,194,93,145,0.294,0.5920000000000001,0.114,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,3,1,9,17,9,0,5,0,9,4,3,1,4,24,24,11,0,3,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,12,1,1,8,2,20,5,14,14,3,13,0,1,0,1,15,6,3,3,10,75,27,1,0.0,0.1569554673445131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381670250316126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499057085862454,0.2396536714132956,0.0,0.12658090623580665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698088866622516,0.0946367023967944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126790428320187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246652007329588,0.13842037286570244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118969623866204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923605464195394,0.1359525926424987,0.0,0.14930348789889206,0.0,0.08879194991465597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728021306370982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588728979578928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529154970223095,0.0918381232078904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266701000534909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965356458539986,0.27195741286260633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800728212622731,0.0848815238986215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051486399453747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadkittykatt,2018/11/12,"This is it. As i am, as we are
No longer. ",-6.690909090909091,-6.213415999999999,-1.6449999999999996,116.6525,118.0909090909091,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-3.2254,28,0,11,0,2,11,10,11,0.196,0.804,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Coma_girlfriend,2019/02/04,"I’m literally shaking with emotions I’m stuck at work for another 2 hours and I’m literally wanting to cry and my brain is eating at me and telling me to hurt myself. My boyfriend is mad at me cause I’m mad at his friend (who literally broke my Xbox) and he told be that I’m acting petty cause I don’t wanna talk to his friend about it, but I just don’t want to even look at him I’m so upset. Like I just want to run away from everyone and not be known by anyone anymore. I’m so exhausted I just needed to vent. ",-1.1845022123893791,0.875512557522125,1.7838440265486746,94.85240320796456,95.99115044247787,4.9488938053097336,17.68196902654867,6.6274283507984215,-0.0384862831858408,401,12,95,6,16,140,66,113,0.19899999999999998,0.71,0.091,-0.8944,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,2,0,0,6,3,1,2,0,19,20,8,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,1,14,3,18,16,0,10,0,2,1,0,10,6,0,0,2,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655420157735646,0.0,0.0,0.19535453688052773,0.13773532761358187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507232711205526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198985476667625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047122922956232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163769433871143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015631281961741,0.0,0.22157973814571408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010563468145686,0.0,0.0,0.1882260177054782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043776712823788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939889052685016,0.0,0.21087473375052304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623610725246018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541638950815069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606064660795628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832774272159011,0.17217211679557934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882260177054782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485576231534931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340621361838468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PalaneseAlice,2019/02/04,"How do you create a concrete sense of self? I'm sick of figuring my shit out and feeling good and knowing what I wanna do and what I am and it just floating away the next day. I'm so sick of one day knowing this or that anxiety is baseless and I'm okay and after a few hours I forget why and go back to worrying. And I'm absolutely exhausted with not knowing who I am.

How can I begin to create a proper core of who I am and have it be there tomorrow? Any advice? ",1.015863586358634,2.578806801980204,3.85795379537954,87.39097909790979,79.99009900990097,6.865126512651265,24.093509350935093,7.793537801064563,1.2301674367436743,361,13,80,6,9,129,63,101,0.184,0.7170000000000001,0.099,-0.8759999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,1,0,4,1,9,4,1,2,0,23,19,13,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,8,2,11,18,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,8,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467122921048389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716893223637097,0.0,0.1931400567928551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23720534692596035,0.19413504996141856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256465469805198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765720959085178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348540905434004,0.21176117096174127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24863363579008466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41625530958744655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685063744570441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108126700237392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633829051331832,0.0,0.25915843418104434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278163186955945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563971303325643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lievrehare,2019/02/04,"What if this world was just not made for me? I just feel like that if I ever kill myself, it's not because I hate myself, it's because I love myself too much and that I want myself to endure this world. I just don't know how this world works, but I just know that it works against me. Whatever what I do or try, I always end up as spare parts in relationships... I always end up mistreated, ostracized and disappointed.

I feel like this world doesn't understand logic, kindness and generosity. Like, people would go and be kind to some people but not with me. How is that logic ? I just don't understand. I feel like this world is lifting to high hopes and dropping to shatter on the ground and leave me to rot. Then when I pick up my pieces, it does it again, and again and again.

I am just tired of meeting people who are not even decent or good human beings. ",3.4648866162738976,4.747551664739888,4.264739884393062,88.1889639839929,72.81502890173411,7.172787905735884,22.55624722098711,7.61054688173877,0.7603351711871951,670,16,142,8,13,215,89,173,0.08199999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.183,0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,15,12,2,0,1,0,12,2,0,4,1,43,25,19,1,5,16,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,9,0,0,9,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,3,24,9,15,20,4,22,0,1,0,1,5,12,0,6,12,107,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508241063442986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222386899063552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361922829254067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502322043052549,0.0,0.0,0.09330214336014783,0.12777946318635616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427876185769576,0.3027525585235442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028238513477141,0.11848376776277145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946686678136347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925093826230895,0.0,0.14030492651446558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628534705164362,0.2942050323870295,0.15526767633930413,0.0,0.0,0.14957594055518555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27605368813657777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749436725122595,0.13366541200203494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384373993270707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529728565524821,0.0,0.29379961544529803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166239966472794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235975737180544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590754784803307,0.0,0.0,0.2941172101664336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331992026930672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568067070296528,0.0,0.0,0.10034839073730742,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VengefulBodied,2019/02/04,"Gotta pay for my suicide attempt Literally. I was involuntary placed in psych after a suicide attempt and now the psych is trying to come after me for payment. It enrages me that these suicide vultures have the gall to call me up threatening me with collections. So my responses have been, ""So you want money for my suicide?"" ""Oh yeah it would be a shame if you guys don't profit off suicide attempts"" to now, ""Its okay, next time I kill myself I'll make sure it goes through so you vultures don't benefit off it"". 


So now I'm really getting why the risk of suicide is 2-3x higher in the year after an involuntary psych stay. Because shit like this does not make me feel inclined to live. It's completely immoral to make money off suicidal people. Like hell will I give them the god damn satisfaction of getting paid for this. In fact, if I kill myself now, it will be at their headquarters and we'll see how important their money is. 
",4.168791208791209,5.765724120879121,5.170109890109893,81.14989010989014,71.52747252747254,8.057142857142857,30.032967032967033,8.634040054169528,2.392501098901098,738,31,139,13,14,242,109,182,0.316,0.598,0.086,-0.9956,0,0,0,0,0,8,22.0,1,3,3,3,9,14,6,2,8,2,15,1,1,4,2,16,28,9,9,4,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,8,0,0,3,2,21,6,24,18,0,21,1,0,1,0,10,9,3,2,12,92,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563971673268794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099516244725218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275535556359876,0.11289869100084643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942300411132566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444540416146778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251497695721692,0.10329487564659393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661848593164897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23826025904684575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521239592686192,0.0,0.09508194712770356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562838459608905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451713635366664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465060310562256,0.0,0.11250094730996386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898150197362184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580569595284471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053026880395844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477078356090988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8244783907000781,0.0,0.10148556128829324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627881060787077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731065247827397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351147488115963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716295370792953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649160341341649,0.0,0.0,0.06934132069565681
bpd,whutttttt,2019/02/04,"I keep thinking I'm cured, but I need to remind myself there just aren't a lot of triggers lately. I've settled into my job, so it's not so stressful. I don't have friends yet, so there isn't a lot of insecurity and abandonment to deal with. I always need to remind myself I am I'll and it's important not to brush it under the rug so it doesn't become unbearable when I do get triggered again.",0.5806928104575171,2.6489370823529437,3.225098039215688,88.76183006535948,84.05882352941177,5.660130718954249,21.20915032679739,6.937597516519254,0.5630522875816997,312,10,67,4,9,109,54,85,0.098,0.78,0.121,0.2179,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,17,13,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,9,13,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247618554267862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29832681756449203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27848232563832553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869439158377934,0.0,0.14112678765117045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26805286889451313,0.2400954695188986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047076361045027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592934983325238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005817857762884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094220657637756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730822790135202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Little_potato_poops,2019/02/04,"A little spark of support for those who have it tough today I want to share one of my favourite poems that helps me to feel like this supposed deficiency, this non-personality personality, might be of use to others and me myself some day. I love you guys.

​

 **Justice**  
*by Jan Twardowski*  


If everyone had four apples  
if everyone was strong as a horse  
if everyone was equally defenseless in love  
if we were all equally endowed  
no one would need anyone else  


I thank You for Your justice that is inequality  
for what I have and have not  
even for what I have and no one to give to  
it's useful to someone  
there is night so there can be day  
darkness so a star can shine  
there is the last meeting and the first parting  
we pray because others do not pray  
we believe because others do not believe  
we die for those who do not want to die  
we love because other hearts have grown thin  
a letter brings closer because another one pushes apart  
the unequal need one another  
they best understand each of us is for all  
they grasp the nature of whole  


translated by Anna Mioduchowska and Myma Garanis ",3.5384134615384615,6.032678322115388,4.350615384615383,82.39438461538461,75.875,6.8523076923076935,27.22692307692308,7.908726449838941,1.8805146153846155,873,35,157,14,20,280,119,208,0.053,0.721,0.225,0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,6,3,2,3,7,10,0,0,8,0,22,4,1,2,2,33,37,12,2,9,8,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,16,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,7,4,3,20,9,22,29,9,14,2,0,1,3,23,5,0,6,7,125,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800164111185815,0.1323349932285512,0.0,0.2283988134202421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615092104821912,0.11158899190519507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655569281302521,0.0,0.0,0.2454037696251539,0.1142920996538182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047314412454995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22605836758783115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097855793219063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193262677206629,0.0,0.0,0.3121984358375422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506709580576735,0.07780381033155775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926369860192932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447436107934044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783592242334987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290563606760315,0.07299865543881286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877445691276414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320688840215452,0.10915430562223838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948808378267246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553404877210888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615076242356507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220266657398196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689939859560786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793661967841307,0.0,0.0,0.1901883178833741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227729223564733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358737017561765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026774250737826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323193478001773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337694260933814,0.13100276864890498,0.18812287970569944,0.0,0.0,0.12847337717153307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159175728688665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736503233608856,0.0,0.1323349932285512,0.0
bpd,brecaisch,2019/02/04,"Any BPDers with a dog that they struggle to consistently take care of? I dont know if its in my head but I feel like im such a failure at being a dog mom. I dont play with her enough, rarely, because i just dont have the energy. She goes outside 3/4 times a day most days because i just cant bring myself to get up and take her down the stairs out the front door and around back (we live downtown). Shes always bored because we live alone and i know so badly she wishes she had a friend or that i had the capacity to make her happy. I try to love her as best i can. Giving her good long scratches and cuddles and kisses. But i just feel like its to make up for all the ways in which i fail her. Is it just in my head or am i really such a bad dog parent? :( i just want her to be happy... does anyone else struggle with taking care of their dog?",1.7288198757763948,2.6552912608695682,3.3878881987577683,94.18195652173914,76.6086956521739,6.126708074534163,19.664596273291927,6.1826913282559595,-0.21892732919254687,648,12,158,4,14,216,106,184,0.171,0.608,0.221,0.9232,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,2,2,10,18,0,2,11,0,13,5,2,2,1,32,30,12,0,3,10,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,12,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,3,31,12,22,26,4,18,0,1,0,3,20,10,0,4,7,105,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213796060315085,0.0,0.0,0.0975163756137538,0.0,0.0,0.07969722954857343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194609691448332,0.1200810472070641,0.0,0.10432919631106152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011641159269493,0.1957073593291209,0.2143245951854088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298986467755407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389780576861564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116331784120632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255892022482294,0.0,0.4120581593447595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790213464037392,0.0,0.0,0.12109469120899555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185155348768846,0.16744954608516888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054526018004336,0.0,0.0612300196918284,0.1124249844944794,0.0,0.09829835903167307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495144256214725,0.0,0.0,0.2405536050024012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265916809000069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288156013520204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451199206796775,0.0,0.20697225035847105,0.10371468190727168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577387369778428,0.0,0.15645834408878745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725841945827705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301321756764793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507869331605184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450371973709358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643501905580939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833787066540901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956832189105599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912517715946671,0.09302464891740696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347694990582416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MTMDontEven,2019/02/04,"I feel it coming again I had a breakup with my girlfriend a few months ago.

We met just as I was coming out of the worst year of my life. Everything was great, I felt recovered. I let her in on all my pain and anguish, she was understanding, loving and promised we could work through everything.

Then a year later she moves across England for university. A year after that and we're over, but still friendly. I believed everything she said and part of me still does think she's the one for me, but I understand people change, emotions change, life changes - but dear God does it still hurt.

I've been doing well the past few months, but now I feel myself slipping and I'm so scared. I don't want to undo all the progress I've made or the career I'm excited to start. But the darkness is creeping in again. I'm stronger now than I was two years ago but I'm not sure if it's enough, the urge to self-destruct is so strong.

I know I'm just going through a dark moment, and maybe tomorrow I'll feel better, but right now it feels like this is all I've ever known and ever will know. I'm so used to being in pain that I don't know what I am without it. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it'll be ok. Sometimes it hurts knowing how happy/well she is doing and I want her to be in as much pain as I feel, but I hate that these thoughts come to my mind. I want her to be happy, I want to be happy, I just wish we could be happy again together.

Please help me.",1.5927076591154259,3.2114106440129504,2.8500323624595474,95.01306364617045,78.48220064724919,5.872276159654801,21.800431499460625,6.605766666666668,0.21410981661272954,1135,32,264,10,27,366,151,309,0.139,0.6579999999999999,0.203,0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,3,0,0,4,20,24,1,2,12,1,26,6,0,3,6,68,63,27,0,10,16,0,6,1,2,2,5,1,0,0,13,17,0,1,15,0,0,5,4,9,1,2,11,7,41,15,31,41,9,40,0,2,0,1,18,9,0,2,27,174,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179987131761774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964681971727661,0.0,0.07572689706360021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27173446066922197,0.22127080937177235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367265592641743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985914532966876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631474682842256,0.0,0.08847181156333961,0.0,0.0,0.15490244849673335,0.0,0.0,0.23085824425436585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646869826150636,0.061169340041693374,0.08221184581019997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661523896433808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866172434296824,0.0,0.0,0.09440004826523778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734429522738398,0.0,0.08453533380827233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739152823100239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332313923339194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822542087439792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755567895823542,0.12095661192500225,0.041831244965540214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727841847306095,0.08101888629882226,0.0,0.0,0.08602016601672963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645517741997481,0.0,0.13668748593507635,0.09100407304100896,0.06294301594135943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802059951588823,0.0,0.27332785145159866,0.0,0.0,0.09272174668225246,0.08173717832171405,0.05936045154807365,0.0,0.0,0.09398872869243773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312187508618273,0.08144741565455013,0.0,0.08572391283725624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932383028149747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254838860507011,0.0,0.08468368487767257,0.0,0.06060464950867074,0.0,0.20513675942133192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069899629825032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483858397366093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054863986879447435,0.0,0.06797537756074383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364157370607381,0.17827385897436435,0.0,0.07395108510304567,0.0,0.0,0.25251435826282137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698567673212871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846262958454696,0.0825378562085095,0.0,0.062334820294779575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055452661836308
bpd,Photosynthese,2019/02/04,"Dating someone from therapy Ok, I don't care about throwaways since I don't figure anyone here will know me in real life anyway. So - I have had some bad experiences with meeting and dating or ""engaging in intimate relations with fellow patients"" before. But - apart from being in a bit of depressed mood, I feel that I am thinking rationally right now and not just looking for anyone to filly my void. I go to therapy regularly, I do my homework and I mostly m doing the right things. 

Now, there is this person in my once a week skills group that I get along with really well and we kind of seem to be hitting it off. 

Do you think it could be a good idea to just ask that person out or do I just ignore all kinds of flaming red flags? That person has been sober for a year, is in individual therapy also and seems pretty stable (at least now). Big no no or worth the risk? Thanks for any input!",3.4919370460048427,5.079387689265541,5.007380952380952,81.68046610169492,73.23728813559322,7.543018563357546,23.942292171105727,8.192908349453996,1.4128970137207424,699,20,135,11,14,235,119,177,0.1,0.787,0.113,0.3219,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,1,13,13,0,1,6,1,18,1,0,0,1,33,31,11,0,1,8,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,8,11,0,1,8,0,1,1,5,4,1,0,2,3,16,8,25,23,5,20,0,1,2,0,9,12,0,7,7,101,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929915532920832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929438629877381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113303805266293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777291746214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141181324257428,0.0,0.0,0.11630057889236275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921398436411268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934953558906668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912407303063734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771820039744943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369462933359927,0.0,0.0,0.06910711763701978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140718182060914,0.0,0.07767569943362426,0.11463672282599252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542897313631478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28465250041078843,0.0751131480389056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653777747554963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477279510706236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555469035204394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580186933276595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904787415537234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556636688702566,0.08755767075457191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334398489945042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24884804545625666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305918669724463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580450351417745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583221568641498,0.4689002104706124,0.0,0.09080096905131636,0.17515197466256982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096326487318478,0.0,0.12288747197679414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801438579112353
bpd,WabashSon,2019/02/04,"I'm a Psychology Professor conducting research on Cognitive Functions & how they contribute to other aspects of our psychology. Do you have a few minutes to help out a fellow Redditor? I'm a Psychology Professor at the University of Central Missouri. I've just launched a study investigating how cognitive preferences affect other aspects of our psychology.  If you have a few minutes, I would really appreciate your participation to help my research team fill this gap in our understanding. The survey takes about 15 minutes.

[You can find the survey here.](https://survey.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6rq9iPIrWCyF3Uh)

At the end of the survey, you will be shown a breakdown of your cognitive preferences with descriptions.

Feel free to share your results in the comments. I'm also happy to discuss / answer any questions you have about psychology (my areas are counseling/clinical issues, personality, & sexuality.

(**One request:** Please don't discuss the specifics of the survey questions here, as it may affect future responses. But feel free to message me directly if you have questions or thoughts related to the survey.)

THANK YOU!",7.397268306636152,11.086489842391305,7.5542334096109816,58.15117848970255,69.05434782608697,10.612814645308923,38.48855835240275,10.426177893888326,5.660884782608697,937,53,117,31,19,302,107,184,0.0,0.848,0.152,0.9781,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,3,10,1,1,7,5,0,0,16,0,12,0,0,6,0,26,21,8,0,5,5,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,11,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,18,7,23,16,2,10,0,0,0,0,28,7,0,7,2,85,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546546713393346,0.0,0.3941774267124611,0.0,0.12369832507873565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161109523133444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183948341029171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625342215454147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363606932878247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438476438396692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898564751359676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232602347611966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882817609073555,0.0,0.19967171763476627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6113093215434058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652988020914108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676625896743042,0.0,0.0,0.16746919937477994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144408383678005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936444893978802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921663239775566,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdmandalas,2019/02/04,Help for when you are feeling impulsive I recently had a falling out with an fp and I'm still really struggling with it. All I want to do is send them an awful text with something like you are the worst. But I haven't yet. It's eating me up inside and I really want to do it. How does anyone else stop themselves from making a really poor decision?,1.7024404761904748,3.7804191250000017,3.82698412698413,85.94500000000002,79.97222222222223,7.447619047619049,21.3968253968254,8.418075326091056,1.3550492063492072,275,8,56,6,7,94,54,72,0.221,0.6609999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.8775,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,1,5,1,7,1,0,2,1,15,12,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,8,1,9,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349193152973914,0.2688828891403083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296477205899861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26852375754791724,0.21922034681888247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268871385987985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758962872827251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820639053619073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516907358477307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043437688436045,0.0,0.25911058514426755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020256810143376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957096793210594,0.21939698190754114,0.0,0.27434100179992943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095672094685006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clc5757,2019/02/04,Making friends I have no friends and I have no idea what my interests are. How do you guys make new friends?,0.4343939393939422,2.8821730454545467,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,91.27272727272728,4.751515151515153,25.51515151515152,6.42735559955562,0.6161333333333339,85,4,20,1,3,25,17,22,0.14800000000000002,0.47100000000000003,0.38,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7207299173116378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30789465114842474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510307021337941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151301760526661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003225818617169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,omegapantyman,2019/02/04,"Faking feeling good Does anyone here fake feeling good or better than they really are? I've done this so long (30 yrs) that I find it hard not to take it. It kept me functioning (sort of) during an emotionally abusive marriage and I do it now almost without thinking about it. I'm guessing other ppl do it too, but I think that I do it so as not to:
1. Disappoint others
2. Worry others
3. Hold that job
4. Seem like I'm ok when really I'm crumbling inside
*sorry for the length. ",0.16994505494505674,2.533788663265309,2.762244897959185,88.6855023547881,90.93877551020408,5.056200941915228,18.762951334379906,6.67199483983844,0.35930832025117754,371,11,74,5,13,128,72,98,0.11,0.727,0.163,0.57,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,17,16,7,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,6,5,8,14,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,46,20,1,0.0,0.2452372477708298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072603971868304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472510659573892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305683572577336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811294402144738,0.21181222347212392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328244451021453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931043776505515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891758108630463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34720971528128336,0.0,0.0,0.22801161303479625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541326877658254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053955394190733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111988784421252,0.0,0.0,0.18317063240043255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26519315262991994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842665962791286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231696969096213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562306991081845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652486295593773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952116580756027,0.0,0.0,0.2101980599592348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ratt-on-a-Stickk,2019/02/04,"I hate love Love, beauty, joy, compassion, all of them are just massive fucking ruses that compel human apes to tolerate their insanity and continue breeding their cancer across the Earth.

​

And if any other animal evolved to our capacity? They'd just become a force of extinction just like us.

​

I'm completely shutting down my sense of empathy and remorse and turning myself into a sociopath before I kill myself. I hate all of humanity and existence and I hope after my death, Earth returns to being a lifeless rock sooner rather than later.

​

Existence itself is a tragic mistake.

​

I'm done being a good person. I'm going to let myself become the most evil and depraved and vicious piece of shit I can be, no matter what the consequences are. I'm going to destroy as much and as many people as I can of this useless fucking existence. I refuse to ever exist again.

​

Yet at the same time I want to kill myself before I start hurting people outside of my friends and family.

​

Goodbye, Dr. Jekyll. Mr. Hyde's taking over the wheel now.

​

I'm done. I give up. I'm tired of making it day after day knowing I'm condemned to a life of being an emotionally unstable and cringeworthy autistic idiot.",4.8725817805383045,7.496915943478264,5.7657763975155305,73.23224637681159,72.17391304347825,7.511387163561077,30.952380952380953,8.418075326091056,2.946194616977226,1017,46,149,18,21,333,139,230,0.262,0.62,0.11800000000000001,-0.9912,0,0,0,0,0,2,53.0,2,0,4,0,8,22,11,0,12,0,13,9,1,2,3,30,36,15,3,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,4,6,12,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,15,0,0,2,0,23,7,29,28,6,22,0,3,0,4,15,7,3,3,14,109,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749198121085629,0.5326070851837986,0.04258182905420466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831150957084962,0.1065652149610562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565292099344547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807658007190524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815822897428786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043589849794292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566408234391942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902990371311336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837787727997762,0.115777146242363,0.0,0.06006810397653557,0.07117357184486149,0.052520319016164135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364300146511037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219298760681844,0.0,0.0,0.06703298535565977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855326243741076,0.0,0.034412764078224425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403030812100773,0.04422836544118063,0.03059159081510335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302889783527507,0.0,0.04179745331067117,0.06348399149968649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603083149767137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682173556413952,0.05467490557355528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427563456086634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432076168876384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708032591409226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03651258071435537,0.07196923606976599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810950993578625,0.0,0.0,0.07532075666335471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693323461579115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326070851837986,0.0
bpd,Jeffery123456,2019/02/04,"Scared of my new relationship I'm scared of messing it up and being too clingy- just trying to keep a stable mind but it's difficult 

I feel like I'm falling for them but it's it just the BPD? 

The usual feelings of they don't want to be with me etc are very much a massive part 

This disorder is very draining ",0.2504545454545486,2.5286673030303035,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,88.0909090909091,5.118181818181818,21.88636363636364,6.6274283507984215,0.4771272727272726,246,9,54,3,8,82,50,66,0.203,0.727,0.071,-0.7954,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,2,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,11,3,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,1,8,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796891658226985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25451125427121835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476665520945061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457034805550927,0.15864672460512086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738586053492846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849209743662436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242272143770853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632468702303845,0.0,0.0,0.21447641707660298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047997576528798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23841988061043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444661262740316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077083151866505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24457853421474,0.3664617189727201,0.13098253414817007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pm-me-ur-udders,2019/02/04,"I hate the stigma and the villanification of our condition People either judge by the name of the disorder or have heard of someone with BPD acting out violently. Not all of us are like that!

It's sad how it's misunderstood and even villanified to a certain extent. Yes, we have a problem. A huge one. But if you shun us, it won't help. Judging us won't help. I don't expect you to love us, but at least treat us the same as others?

I'm thinking of starting a blog about BPD and mental health in general. I want to help break the stigma. If I do go with my plan, what would you guys like the world to know? ",1.9410822510822496,3.6422880000000006,3.955050505050509,87.10863636363638,77.73015873015873,6.8040404040404034,21.772005772005773,7.686295010490155,0.7543269841269837,472,13,104,7,11,161,82,126,0.14400000000000002,0.722,0.134,0.2399,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,7,3,0,1,3,9,2,0,11,1,8,2,0,1,2,26,17,10,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,4,0,1,1,1,15,5,17,13,5,9,0,1,0,1,17,5,0,3,3,73,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275389907056858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902679390891813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588425061879974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389961513075778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875113564896154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837869429680804,0.0,0.1382168748426333,0.0,0.0,0.26147111956894503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146163821901695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705315913617327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735805625840055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310406666258655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811237233724448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901471245135712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442210806001427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101748462196872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203661264158257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833186158047847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7820564269153273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669565410009689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237029320976252,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,schmails,2019/02/04,"How tf do you tell your parents about your BPD when they’re the ones that caused it?? /will they even believe you or give a fuck? I think mine wouldn’t even care to know. 

Do I have a “coming out” party?? 

“Surprise! I’m traumatized. Thanks mom!”",-0.05122448979592065,2.291876122448979,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428578,93.89795918367346,3.6163265306122447,15.16326530612245,5.288315135182226,-1.1205183673469388,186,4,43,1,7,56,41,49,0.113,0.659,0.228,0.7387,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,1,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,0,8,13,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,3,3,11,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,1,1,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948563353858636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32961322588651204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668296881121832,0.26884715408339105,0.0,0.22543906313628626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457125496823097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24194568140167996,0.0,0.2510550452968781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438283793313047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065103265917529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734073872560452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29059678687920193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287451332424247,0.2409464138085397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769250996740814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LetGoDaily,2019/02/04,"Crosspost: Borderline Behavior? Lashing out after a breakup (obvious yes but lots of people would do the same), staying irrationally angry for a minor reason when the actual reason is anger over being broken up with (obvious yes, and most people would probably be the same)...

**Then creating a variety of sock puppet accounts to contact their ex anonymously, pretending to be a variety of different people?**

Is this something typical to a person with BPD? ",4.928421052631581,8.467524473684215,6.471368421052631,62.20257894736845,80.57894736842105,10.40842105263158,33.915789473684214,9.888512548439397,5.480193684210527,364,20,44,14,10,123,55,76,0.195,0.6970000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.8954,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,8,2,8,0,0,2,2,15,8,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,13,3,4,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,39,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.2263978716371235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29219502411137466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242389912597724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723752690234286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48251735460373296,0.2025728590438155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501345078116645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477067884200935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786044122763613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472804083991689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296113234451971,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heathermlavoie,2019/02/04,impulsive buying has me financially screwed has anyone been so screwed over financially because of BPD and overcome their debt? I have a decent paying job but I don't save any of my money- most of it goes right to bills and I have very little left over for things I need. I have to pay for my boyfriend's food as well as my own and I feel like I'm trapped. My documented income is too high for any state assistance because they do not take into account my student loans or other debts. I've maxed credit cards and I'm terrified of getting any unexpected bills. I just keep ignoring the problem and buying anyway (like coffee every morning). I feel like I just can't stop. Has anyone experienced this and ended up financially ok?,3.9530851063829786,6.034555035460992,4.976897163120569,80.30875,73.11347517730495,7.536879432624112,27.352836879432626,8.344100000000001,2.004139007092199,584,22,107,10,12,191,93,141,0.183,0.7040000000000001,0.113,-0.8972,4,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,6,11,2,0,2,1,11,3,0,0,0,21,19,11,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,3,2,0,12,0,3,4,1,0,1,3,17,7,15,18,2,11,0,0,0,2,2,8,2,2,5,66,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38487195984922656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638214243256708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300024939111072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760211626333855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709075049931602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589484675680802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907774646580649,0.2695477845453577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228120212661727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856351684110523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993224761474282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187209203137926,0.16768364282401185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049722667160649,0.0,0.0,0.2764992902706663,0.18908007929611226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398839662041785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805156456109944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611088121749278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772253247609386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184373716334295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533281126766288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565865717626004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696218938337913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mmh730,2019/02/04,"Miscommunications I get so frustrated with myself when I try to say something in a nice way to someone else and I still come off as aggressive or passive aggressive.

For example, today a coworker of mine had a pizza in the toaster oven and it smelled like it was burning, so I said, "" the pizza smells like it might set it off the smoke detector"". And she very quickly and curtly replied that it smelled like smoke before she put her pizza in.  I know I could have said it so many other ways that were less aggressive, I just get nervous and can't think in the moment.

How do you all deal with these miscommunications? I  have gotten better about spiralling after, but I do perseverate a lot on what I could of done better and feel discouraged when I think of all the better ways I could have expressed myself.
",7.830194805194807,7.174300558441559,7.778538961038965,73.58066558441561,62.896103896103895,10.557142857142855,34.185064935064936,9.827888789773867,3.1360025974025985,642,23,119,11,8,207,91,154,0.076,0.805,0.11900000000000001,0.7591,0,0,3,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,4,10,13,4,1,9,0,14,3,0,1,2,25,24,15,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,11,9,3,1,4,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,7,7,19,7,18,13,4,20,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,3,10,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340608554505026,0.0,0.0,0.41801243829516016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571275220650375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773652733303214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624239935011194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612252348535414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161026553436012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966047457693068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646235637234489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658368666415286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309084537067692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394078783504948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972788514470898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713242309786994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837820527673288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997264655912495,0.12528766267375208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348902433666945,0.12128734357410795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258172023631777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189945553788485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493360925565589,0.0,0.0,0.10696404129156506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999273813490678,0.0,0.3751603207703193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,attherose,2019/02/04,"People get in this ""zone"" where I need their attention and even if I don't want to date them, I can't handle them dating other people does anyone have people in this ""zone"". It doesn't have a name i dont think and im the only person Ive spoke to who gets this way too. Some people you can just see for the first time, or read something they wrote for the first time and theyre placed in this zone. It's like interested, but I've been interested in people romantically and they aren't in this zone, and vice versa. When people are in this zone I tend to subconciously monitor their actions and behaviors and interactions more, and I compete with others for their attention and affection. I don't know how to get people out of this zone and it's ruining a friendship rn

How do I fix this?",3.0928461538461534,4.7266484000000055,4.476250000000004,84.89144230769233,74.375,7.6730769230769225,21.68269230769231,8.384062270229773,1.0722211538461541,624,15,130,11,13,207,86,160,0.024,0.85,0.126,0.9493,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,7,3,7,4,0,0,5,0,13,0,0,3,0,28,24,16,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,14,12,0,0,4,1,0,1,6,1,0,2,3,2,17,3,16,21,2,18,0,1,1,0,14,9,0,3,8,88,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836751817724873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135626418709128,0.0,0.1816385882680752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236462188452336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636564371946244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24291621645648254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740792786429026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851744472686476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757167262944112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114917719734727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787133889595365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7521185052934689,0.135324929177655,0.16192395126619705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502465598384804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350115854180012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931326613150835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930666613899193,0.0,0.0,0.1807433354454079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141282104199992,0.12301806568053356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Avachi,2019/02/04,"Done trying to talk to my FP Just done, I liked them but not anymore, don't care, what's the point in keeping the friendship alive when they're gonna leave anyway? I will ignore them if they ever come back to me.",1.6743333333333332,3.389995933333335,2.433055555555556,97.65625000000004,78.55555555555556,4.5,17.916666666666668,3.1291,-0.8906666666666667,167,3,38,0,4,52,38,45,0.092,0.667,0.242,0.813,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803464701659267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173664706812091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28821507676245,0.0,0.0,0.2435071499980997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785675525498439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255703772234533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251262439573858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993214346166788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810507501669375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672276577698334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272106115891342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192381278625226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oneskulltwoskulls,2019/02/04,"Why are all you internet strangers kinder than RL people? I guess it’s pretty obvious that it’s because kind internet strangers can’t see how awful I can be... but I am grateful. 

Having a hard time and the only thing that has made me feel better is this sub. ",2.2476923076923083,4.421373000000003,3.4429230769230803,88.90207692307693,78.61538461538461,6.467692307692308,23.861538461538462,7.554174236665415,1.147918461538462,204,7,41,3,5,66,45,52,0.064,0.68,0.255,0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,2,2,8,12,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,1,10,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542676333665324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835330095834136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209833989933933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531625498026802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871828408072999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33384186276687744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033470214170869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438207395784718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225455063239008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32615207141911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554662065987062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129836527371685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693676569280065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892797608602991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wafflefrygoddess,2019/02/04,"interview for school paper? hello,

my name is kelsey & i'm in a master's program for school counseling. this semester we were asked to interview someone with a diagnosed mental disorder. i was assigned bpd and don't know of anyone in my personal life that has bpd. would anyone be willing to let me interview you regarding your diagnosis and the stigma surrounding it? i will not use your name in my paper.

​

thank you so much!!",4.88201058201058,7.266806407407408,5.9673015873015895,72.89000000000001,71.34567901234568,10.060670194003528,31.32451499118166,10.290406445055957,3.9483848324514974,353,16,57,11,7,117,62,81,0.047,0.9209999999999999,0.032,-0.2833,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,1,0,10,15,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,11,1,9,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,0,41,14,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940305625622311,0.22094621454919344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542828216415924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699887068854059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580229729703307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845560133529573,0.0,0.0,0.20839563268891315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993030728917172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593590307968053,0.12843357015403709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324424697859645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366770323599422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587689992745777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680481027868983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540659647981694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674068030527455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704477374809714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291684883650774,0.0,0.22094621454919344,0.0
bpd,normelpersan,2019/02/04,"Abstaining self destructive behavior I am dissociating like nobody's business. But I'm not using substances or binge eating which is really amazing actually. I hadn't considered counting that a victory until I started this post.

The worst thing I do in my life right now is eat meat from McDonald's on the weekends. Until recently. I participated in a romance with my married boss. I ended it before sex or more intense emotions started. And of course I have profound feelings of emptiness & sadness. So now, my job is to make sure it stays stopped. I moved my seat & asked him to no longer call or text. This is day 1 & he's honoring my wishes to not be contacted.

My mantra now is ""you're ok. You're safe."" because as hard as it is to abstain, it's better than destroying my life again. Since I kno I'm not going to kill myself, I'll have to figure out a way to hang in there. ",3.2433333333333323,5.182547428571431,4.940571428571432,80.42076190476193,74.71428571428572,7.866666666666666,29.380952380952376,8.648137234880735,2.4546952380952383,700,31,132,14,15,237,118,175,0.124,0.725,0.151,0.5892,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,6,13,3,0,5,1,12,5,0,3,1,21,22,10,1,1,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,3,2,4,2,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,2,18,8,21,20,2,25,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,3,14,82,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.1505110816132398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013405751871359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418887633331284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402020587687304,0.0,0.13124259913977804,0.0,0.0,0.1364082967899318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749114840794354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946879581529004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156417572920132,0.0,0.1734935812777906,0.13660640365176718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798583484382353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765528753819883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816423787613036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530544084263353,0.0,0.17063814198870486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178814405179313,0.07535141541002775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295303982487523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392736380106487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771446633983834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988068709020808,0.0,0.15228842537946372,0.0,0.0,0.13171582126513354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609007106315037,0.0,0.0,0.12758476062710467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833661057273812,0.16439395591835454,0.0,0.1289473407236652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536463349945686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246686040775906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332094930048647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242453977723235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773626032479015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,finefaseeh,2019/02/04,"Is anyone going to love you as much as you love them? In the beginning everyone shows an impeccable amount of interest, keeps it going even, but in the end I watch myself dying for someone who wouldn't lift a finger for me

Even looking back at my last relationship I put in 90% he put in 10% or 20% on a good day
I'm sure he was in love too but just not as intense and deeply as I did
So tell me guys, is it possible to find someone who loves you and wants to stay with you and do things for you the way you do for them? I've lost hope because of my bpd
If anyone has any bpd relationship success stories please share ❤️",6.793483709273183,4.261784000000001,7.605375939849626,80.01703634085213,66.14285714285714,10.971929824561405,32.69298245614036,9.2995712137729,2.461266666666666,484,14,112,7,6,164,88,133,0.027999999999999997,0.715,0.257,0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,6,2,2,6,11,0,0,6,0,8,5,1,0,1,16,21,12,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,3,3,16,10,21,17,2,18,0,1,2,4,21,7,0,3,5,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920375402309532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892692439688791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407002733233983,0.0,0.08250353102440611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409182785326353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728471507767382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046414586074255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987328209614592,0.0,0.0,0.17878488793620353,0.0,0.0,0.1293255575154117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370059190650005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383652199893574,0.11351886665646635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401035226370014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442563943552613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202986314866928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103222003906389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136536120569769,0.0,0.1477423251740065,0.0,0.4886075569244349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949230927676238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856542102001732,0.0,0.15257833173813107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721131861527018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906143862475909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293505199481068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425709575765824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275587033438299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829530935535927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991554227924227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982851235636294,0.10742857582004113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wannabepopchic,2019/02/04,"Transferring a diagnosis from UK to US? I am a dual citizen. I recently was diagnosed with BPD in the UK and was wondering whether anyone knows how I could ""transfer"" my diagnosis for when I go back. I don't ever plan to live there but I visit regularly and would be interested in some of the disability services available.

My psychiatrist in the US has known me since a teenager and basically shat on the idea of me having BPD - but I was never forthcoming with him about most things ",4.902950310559007,6.617799543478262,6.850931677018633,69.35369565217391,69.8695652173913,10.909316770186336,32.70807453416149,10.914260884657429,4.141833540372671,386,18,69,13,7,135,65,92,0.0,0.958,0.042,0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,7,0,10,1,0,1,2,19,13,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,14,1,13,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,5,59,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658443054720025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119941490389147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280658460288994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737964579184594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277912480879704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963043538291197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914264833373388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23665686101757044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521208624180218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851150365924681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616864846731694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699317542454726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341550857972465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927480541437165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504339697489593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273445023345235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892149764111734,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Farquaad_starsquaad,2019/02/04,"Does anyone else in a relationship randomly get the urge to break up? My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now and if he does anything, major or minor, wrong I get super unattached to him and lose all feelings of affection or love instantly. Does anyone else experience this?",4.3984905660377365,7.035218283018872,5.24211320754717,76.35901886792455,73.71698113207547,8.768301886792452,27.581132075471697,9.3871,2.8841124528301894,231,9,39,6,5,75,43,53,0.09300000000000001,0.718,0.18899999999999997,0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,10,6,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,4,2,6,5,2,6,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,4,3,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819342610901277,0.41313695941592493,0.16590400429119925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5292785345584226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368307586117818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720869252599454,0.0,0.0,0.10193770969984456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066092234221515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255447896264852,0.0,0.0,0.1819566766843451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164486699760572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693910777316492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204237739589789,0.0,0.12982721917748602
bpd,DrinksAndCocaine,2019/02/04,"There are no solutions to my problems other than suicide, I'm filled with hatred, I hate the people on this website and I hate the people in real life, I just hate everything, I need to die just so I can flip the world off on last time Absolutely the only free choice I could make to tell the universe to go fuck itself is to kill myself, if I'm destined to return to being an incel constantly, if I'm forced to constantly cycle back into consuming rage, if my ""only way out"" is worthless fucking therapy, if I know relationships will always be empty, awful, and short for me, then, fuck it, fuck everything, life is a fucking pointless meme, the world is awful, seriously, our world is literally hell, we live under an oppressive and exploitative economic system, war is waged all around the world, and our planet is dying in my lifetime anyway. Fuck life, fuck this world, and fuck the human race, the only bad thing about climate change is that everything else that actually deserves to live dies with the one species that doesn't. ",17.85699481865285,8.38397096891192,15.788352331606221,50.61869430051816,54.33678756476686,18.75606217616581,53.625906735751286,13.348371206891418,6.75990445595855,819,29,140,16,5,267,118,193,0.35700000000000004,0.621,0.021,-0.9978,1,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,3,0,0,0,8,20,15,0,13,2,15,11,0,1,1,24,33,11,6,7,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,11,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,19,0,1,0,0,15,2,23,29,1,26,1,1,0,8,6,15,9,4,7,94,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.08982140913088207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658776204656967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193843968555442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707759516708147,0.07685267511596887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737006840970923,0.0,0.0,0.1989331595428727,0.0,0.07348943374456249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28658059924904605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768907308592655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481689254351427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6807436080684364,0.0,0.0,0.052310576470942616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726224010789681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101832756768607,0.0,0.050584830302300786,0.0750279299738341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503963895239387,0.0,0.0,0.16255261089155895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061439908691511676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824926416221436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062371217807130314,0.21001022724869187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762307468473005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807342483222651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047659228135356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988205263472209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068090817640113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045028249182784,0.0,0.10526003411583564,0.0,0.06114976845819636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053671442815122566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730600335678103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,insincere_platitudes,2019/02/04,"TMS treatment is working wonders! I've been battling a really severe depression for years now. I had ECT in around 2012, and it worked really well, but the memory loss is something I wasn't willing to go thru again. My shrink finally suggested TMS treatment, and I unwillingly went along. After a *really* huge dip in mood about 3 weeks in, I'm finally feeling the payoff in a huge way. 

I have a mood tracker, and for the first time in years, I've tracked two weeks of great moods (not manic, just a solid good mood). It's feels just as successful as my ECT was, but without the side effects! I'm back into my hobbies for the first time in years, my hygiene is finally good, and work is so much more tolerable. I'm feeling much more social as well, which is huge.

I just wanted to throw my experience out there. My insurance covered most of it too, since it's now FDA approved. It has a 70% success rate in reduction of symptoms, and a 30% ""cure"" rate. With my mood better, my BPD symptoms have dropped way down as well, and I feel like my tolerance is excellent now.

I'm just so damn happy!",4.847594684385385,5.491156832558144,5.821611295681066,80.67726744186048,69.04651162790697,9.30564784053156,31.17109634551495,9.424239791934726,2.703411960132891,849,34,169,17,14,281,118,215,0.054000000000000006,0.664,0.281,0.9958,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,12,18,21,2,0,12,0,14,2,0,1,0,27,26,14,0,1,8,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,4,3,3,5,4,15,12,29,20,5,39,0,2,0,0,2,15,1,2,19,109,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660040873408053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207821634883412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590668001675003,0.0,0.0,0.1508174246354083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313810032862583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713575340985224,0.0,0.0,0.24219115848541375,0.08554743392153727,0.0,0.3935316606595514,0.0,0.203713838857105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805510154107745,0.2008765642059249,0.0,0.13202172666332396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274731364602595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850244030924686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605596180686373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23013939561604504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135280267626122,0.0,0.09905613321715294,0.0,0.0,0.12206720499781587,0.0,0.09218725599438747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24892641238236066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965112744143615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169756285556887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063000961921148,0.19009953009459785,0.19210798476398228,0.0,0.3230013805277745,0.11100686748055637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543204152946658,0.12986074598445038,0.26153219488115304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313398400953799
bpd,blainsapain,2019/02/04,"Because I'm not a tree Argh, I'm struggling again, I was on an up and up for a bit, and for the past few weeks I've been heading down that terrible path again.

Once more I feel too stressed, like every area of my life is stagnating and I'm the key catalyst for this sterility. I want to die again, and I hate feeling like this, I'm atleast now able to tell myself it's the BPD talking, but it always feels like it knows a truth that I lie to myself about. 

What can I do fellow and ladies? How do I pull myself out of this grave I'm obsessively digging?",3.1085593220338983,3.619854389830511,4.262500000000003,90.77391949152545,72.89830508474577,7.594915254237289,25.76694915254237,7.645422480735847,1.0411152542372886,430,13,101,5,8,141,76,118,0.142,0.754,0.10400000000000001,-0.6643,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,3,7,0,6,2,1,1,1,15,17,7,2,1,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,3,11,4,14,15,3,13,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,9,62,20,0,0.209425050990337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425841911500675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276635672706631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286379150687876,0.0,0.26376352045086937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735013897653024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764496378877437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176747948982817,0.2992265965452011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676388045073266,0.21493052144475924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509453108604882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479231069490347,0.3069435043378473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230308444104404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999199081087357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398956883360436,0.21893653434864094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683279231060946,0.1830467253483291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352432109007255,0.0,0.16798814358010725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,I_Downvoted_Ur_Mom,2019/02/04,"I gave up a long time ago, but I can't do ""the big one"" yet. Thinking of just saying screw it all and going homeless. I can't function in society anymore. I feel totally helpless and hopeless. It's been at least 15 years I've felt this way. I've always been horribly depressed and self-loathing, but between that, some really traumatic experiences, and the acceptance that I'll never get better, I've thought about finding a place in the forest where I can hide (I have a great tent and know how to build a safe fire) and use my days to clean up and volunteer for free at a no-kill cat shelter. Working for free will mean no manager to yell at me and/or fire me. That's my biggest problem. At least homeless, I can't lose my home. ",4.205337837837838,4.964613722972974,5.091459459459461,84.91975675675678,70.55405405405405,8.352432432432431,31.016216216216225,8.548686976883017,2.2502356756756754,573,24,119,9,10,187,98,148,0.22399999999999998,0.612,0.163,-0.8673,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,3,5,12,1,0,8,0,9,1,0,2,3,26,19,10,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,6,7,0,1,8,0,2,1,5,6,0,1,5,6,12,8,16,13,5,21,0,4,0,1,2,12,1,1,7,72,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643833085344036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500528567181398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858354421158165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860132840258784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564070370437548,0.0,0.1811505822605708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573590037159148,0.0,0.0,0.10634544663466614,0.0,0.2019427180825969,0.0,0.192231083299225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988489902764484,0.0,0.11953120360649852,0.0,0.0,0.2318814538943884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097075729884632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558782292569787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861289185668157,0.0,0.2352972365141038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291030139354892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221378650029147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252006454240895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197423946568535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125036247288006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473806926217427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725700563064505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941238393112653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476625571529174,0.0,0.1669726834621715,0.12264082317182225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165123266230876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694432248787233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531173873723708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544088492295694
bpd,wearytree,2019/02/04,"i havent felt ok since my relationship became serious i was having a good time for the first couple months, and i felt really good about myself and i was excited about being with hee, but now i am constantly doubting myself and feel super insecure. i just dont feel like im good enough for her at all and i cant tell if she thinks im sweet and cute or if she thinks im a giant dumb asshole. the worst part is that i cant tell if it is just my BPD acting up or if im not being treated the way i need to be. im going to start journaling again to see if it helps. my identity feels fucked up. she said ""you were different when i first met you"" which was only in like, september of 2018. how different can i really be ?? :-( anyway, i was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience i guess. or self love tips",1.5431406551059723,3.1139742196531803,4.050196531791912,86.56681695568403,78.47976878612718,8.081541425818884,20.781888246628128,8.841846274778883,1.265512061657033,632,16,141,15,15,222,103,173,0.17600000000000002,0.662,0.162,-0.4459,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,3,10,18,2,2,6,1,20,2,0,1,1,33,37,17,0,7,14,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,10,8,24,12,13,23,4,17,0,0,1,2,14,5,2,12,11,97,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910799343554326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424920413622559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226086179584665,0.0,0.0,0.12518389503405167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364080877606153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259567525436752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169007237432836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066965677357847,0.0,0.0,0.1716163400344959,0.08082506727754232,0.21725844889257367,0.0,0.0,0.19246848182604198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459329703468102,0.0,0.0,0.06429834196642979,0.2846817444807877,0.0,0.0,0.12463311730402528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583331988329434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6110366593837224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054600838716336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211052412744503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903048425826602,0.0,0.0,0.08388962275146926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604575670329828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251630324237885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449568680298101,0.0,0.0,0.12146675538752093,0.0,0.0,0.10761915765927772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015550972780204,0.0,0.1180265241879164,0.0,0.0,0.09358806295549152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007892304431312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777338060225028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449871921986746,0.0,0.0,0.06597107156476051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898028532534208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269220770002055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eatpussynotpigs_,2019/02/04,Applying to grad school for clinical psychology Thought about mentioning that I have borderline in my personal statement later. What are your thoughts? Anyone else ever applied to grad school and mentioned their diagnosis? That’s how I became interested in psychology and was gonna use the angle if I’d been properly diagnosed I would’ve received treatment a lot earlier. But I’m worried about the judgment. ,7.14590476190476,10.054423971428577,7.502857142857145,62.05047619047619,66.42857142857143,11.523809523809526,41.66666666666666,11.20814326018867,6.134952380952381,338,21,46,12,6,110,57,70,0.034,0.9179999999999999,0.048,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,2,1,11,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,1,7,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,2,30,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838143345832879,0.26935532770359083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26682133357505083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960552620320312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23779327836202385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349424699632067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295398310094689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321045021576047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174004487322613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22704703683819566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669710697123949,0.0,0.18674497620150904,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CopperTop345,2019/02/04,"How to approach a doctor to ask about BPD (UK) I recently starting looking into BPD after what feels like a lifetime of mental health struggles. I have since been feeling overwhelmed with a sense of ‘maybe this is why I am the way I am’. 

My predicament is that if I go to my GP suggesting that I want to speak to a counsellor/ anybody about the possibility of BPD, they are obviously going to ask me why I think I have it. This is the exact moment that I am going to clam up/burst into tears and become completely unable to form coherent statements. I have only ever visited the doctors once before for my mental health, and as soon as he asked me a question I suddenly couldn’t articulate what I wanted to say properly so I just cried and left. I haven’t been back since, and never mentioned it to a professional (or anyone else) again. I have remained a firmly closed book for so long that I am now terrified of talking about my feelings to anybody. 

If I write down how I feel, am I going to look like a faker? I don’t want to look as if I’ve just looked up the symptoms, formulated some rehearsed written response and seem as if I am claiming to have this complex disorder based on a few reddit posts and internet articles. 

I obviously have no idea whether I have BPD or not; I’d like to speak to a mental health professional regardless, but I am absolutely terrified/ incapable of opening up emotionally. Any advice on how to overcome this to seek help would be greatly appreciated! ",9.909901277584204,7.157581613240421,10.14237804878049,64.94494918699189,60.39372822299652,13.050987224157955,42.035133565621365,11.374738998889045,4.7439015098722415,1181,52,212,25,12,399,155,287,0.055999999999999994,0.873,0.07,0.4068,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,15,6,0,2,15,0,25,6,0,3,5,48,47,23,0,10,11,0,4,3,0,1,6,3,0,0,12,11,0,0,10,1,0,6,6,2,0,0,3,11,31,4,41,41,3,30,0,1,4,0,15,10,0,9,15,156,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923203163540883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062097380369317924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384962160796652,0.09356308250361957,0.0,0.0,0.2561017974126189,0.0,0.0,0.07021565391779362,0.0,0.0,0.1008503228964459,0.07770240070184832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46003254680147104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574211577659314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030531889912396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465498381714873,0.18692969133287576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762820254627069,0.1027171654630824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259971061970424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846865767005775,0.0652355057686349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075858393714032,0.0,0.0,0.10067518938358408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911909547370401,0.0,0.0,0.06120656800338897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308360151547898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921409304342448,0.0,0.0,0.13383579520714084,0.0,0.0,0.08081096530906888,0.30672664917115844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173826352513237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276072345490437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042781301510691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724757160697743,0.0,0.06944922716252706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294402347437193,0.08745459727427049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229377921117913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016261738679728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261741046899603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312981210441588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107354256430575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463327804312106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954623400083234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949113238500472,0.0,0.07339559601715541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851101107392988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161579986286163,0.07248165388265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647952988760624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486760727712658,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachydes,2019/02/04,"How to start... I’ve recently decided I’m finally going to get my shit together. I’m not sure if it’s just me being temporarily motivated but I want to try. I can’t keep blowing up like this, I’ve dodged so many bullets but I can’t keep going like this forever. There’s going to be a time where I don’t end up so lucky.

I’m just not sure how to go about getting help.
I’ve had mental health concerns for a long while, but I kind of repressed all that because I didn’t think I had enough problems and I was just being a pussy. 
I’m just not sure where to go or who to talk to or what to do.  Any tips would be appreciated. ",0.8836618004866175,2.3373031021897823,3.5048357664233585,90.26898114355231,80.02189781021897,6.9024330900243305,22.36557177615572,7.793537801064563,0.8151075425790753,483,15,116,8,12,170,79,137,0.113,0.722,0.165,0.8507,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,12,10,1,1,3,0,13,2,1,3,4,30,29,12,0,4,13,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,4,0,10,7,14,20,2,16,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,4,9,70,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208858468255484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004775225482268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598854443190368,0.17031122194673945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056084408504705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722314887535475,0.0,0.4683773050669901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520428824704284,0.0,0.0,0.1104806280067523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29301311853305645,0.0,0.1716428329517838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610531155572422,0.0,0.0,0.14586745325572678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710956093833082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610769671751446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771798421626168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274760890161888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919341107516878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666599486420595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660448710126406,0.0,0.0,0.1324823757551026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561502563580898,0.0,0.0,0.09611244012486868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190728506941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972197316973634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708896974709493,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,corporealki,2019/02/04,"DAE need things to look forward to to get through their week? Lately I feel like something that has really helped is if I have something I'm really excited about at the end of my week like going to see a movie I really wanted to see or getting a tattoo or seeing a friend (which is very rare) but especially in the winter I really struggle to find something to do...can't exactly get a new tattoo each week. 

If anyone else does this, or has suggestions on things they do (particularly in the winter), I'd love to hear!",10.16,6.558314509803925,10.319705882352944,66.49367647058826,60.764705882352935,13.729411764705885,37.26470588235294,11.698219412168324,4.1212470588235295,408,12,78,9,4,138,65,102,0.033,0.8340000000000001,0.133,0.8461,0,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,1,7,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,20,6,0,4,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,5,15,20,1,14,0,0,4,1,7,5,0,5,11,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662147763404854,0.1562395180629798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344117695238825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738215304845493,0.0,0.1350569822959272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710130150768467,0.108935743769365,0.0,0.0,0.13936907673648347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780999701828775,0.0,0.23900229861774355,0.0,0.08666108103811265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186235455914525,0.0,0.10220788404196224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720103996494321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899352453414105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804950029762152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762420827076302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130661409483534,0.0,0.14727154357193786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907447222798083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36453384468137146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521725960950362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941105826101626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026093152600308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581659034769854,0.08993995819165237,0.0,0.36694425381875057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bearpeets,2019/02/04,"Venting about coping Sometimes I want something awful to happen to me by chance so I dont have to deal with the guilt of breaking a promise to not abandon my wife due to suicide. 

It's super bad at the moment to the point where I've basically confined myself to bed so thst I don't sneak out of the house and do anything reckless. 

So sick of this mindset- and not being able to get help for it. Been waiting for ""urgent therapy"" for about 18 months   now. Been to the GP multiple times and told there's nothing that can be done for me unless I actually try something. Don't feel like I can go to the hospital as my wife if so scared of them and dependent on me. I'm stuck suffering and it's so hard. So so so hard. 

😭😭",1.938818135506878,3.5748348940397388,3.7876821192052996,88.59505348955679,77.54304635761589,6.5004584819154365,25.522669383596536,7.321109707123232,1.1475558838512483,563,21,121,7,13,190,95,151,0.203,0.6990000000000001,0.098,-0.9563,0,0,2,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,13,8,0,2,7,1,12,1,0,1,0,17,21,16,1,2,4,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,3,12,3,27,14,0,12,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,2,6,82,17,0,0.1978266697522052,0.0,0.1930502928379655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279449328139994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517700601757546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039506099746046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244536710921365,0.2318513836134277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002710825306438,0.14132741239861304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335626995084073,0.0,0.11242945533757166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749374707292652,0.0,0.3544276779600926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325990467276746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282654161769384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664811822986354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790336041968991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982002504202866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701014614637784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805900756352648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045932706237552,0.1956556347997785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639026814113926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262320376268712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535432201244715,0.0,0.0,0.1890318606239177,0.0,0.13431132307809646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668329533212644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unbrokenmagic,2019/02/04,"My fucking ex-FP texted me out of nowhere today on my birthday . She said she just wanted to wish me a happy birthday and apologize for what she did (for leaving me????? even though I completely understand why she did it) but I don’t know how to feel about this. I know we’re toxic as hell for each other, but... I miss her so much :(",1.6913725490196114,3.378589705882355,3.232941176470589,92.06990196078434,78.41176470588233,6.298039215686276,23.098039215686285,7.1686216300943375,0.7065509803921568,252,8,56,3,6,83,52,68,0.183,0.7440000000000001,0.073,-0.9027,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,13,12,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,14,1,10,9,2,3,1,1,0,1,7,2,2,0,1,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909567805996829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328821813220667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403139343143534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25654719719979946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954072709835389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501695571888465,0.0,0.0,0.2938357751759733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399675046028865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639690500753247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272645442982882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304054542767397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888905733137058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636785519720622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25040343651285785,0.0,0.3191149355749928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vaporsonic,2019/02/04,"Anyone else struggling with remembering names of people ? I was wondering if it was something related to my BPD or not. I always have a struggle with.. names. I see the people for who they are, physically and mentally, but their names are just a detail to me. I don't exactly know how to describe it but...

For example when I don't know people that I'm meeting (at a new job for example), it takes me literally months to remember a few names. BUT I have the same phenomenon with very good friends! I often find myself talking with friends and be like ""Oh you know I saw... What's her name already?"" and I could know this person for years.

And... The award of forgetting names goes to hook-ups. I know it's normal if you've seen them like 1 time or 2 but I keep a list of the people I've slept with (in case of STD) and half of it is blanked with ""???"" because I can't remember their names. Even when they told me, the second after I don't know it.

It's like a minor information to my head who won't retain it. I can see people were well, what I feel of them, how I remember them and their energy... but what basically names them to the world is a struggle to me. I know this is a weird and very specific post but I was wondering if it was the same for some people here? ",2.123475524475527,3.722483361538466,3.996013986013988,87.46262237762241,76.92307692307692,7.650349650349653,23.356643356643357,8.438071523408619,1.3075384615384618,974,30,215,19,22,330,124,260,0.016,0.84,0.14400000000000002,0.987,1,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,9,1,9,12,0,3,15,0,20,3,2,2,1,62,39,22,0,5,13,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,17,13,0,2,16,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,9,5,36,8,28,27,4,11,0,0,4,1,28,3,0,9,10,150,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131418439769067,0.0,0.08393315041438049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053168285742413,0.10335474974036377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061490316786893075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704409547763895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053766726594516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426517639669605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666246599351865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05100365016980453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219470353101317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586610749567112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460621000488186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352323793984576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009937727737807,0.08965920448857173,0.0,0.0,0.3880542843786309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784212693507073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016547246872915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051465143935815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742230210681448,0.0,0.0,0.09883263148299293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195894920135848,0.08807708387166524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660699255581763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570708838144126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076301632279116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765579196624768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163583113288755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584279791141478,0.08107667314300461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881897005972472,0.0,0.0,0.09638702006477508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166459067075853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069557297812313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878163019331376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495792468699275
bpd,kizunaah,2019/02/04,"Is BPD stigmatized/do you tell people that you have BPD? Not long ago I was diagnosed with BPD, and it really opened my eyes. I had no idea I could relate to something so much. Like I had no idea how ""normal"" it is for BPD to have an FP. No one really knows that I have bpd, because I'm pretty okay at hiding it around people (I don't have many friends and don't socialize often so it's not too hard) only my FP knows about it, really. I still don't understand why he puts up with it, but that's another story. 
Do you tell people that you have bpd? I feel like I'll be judged or ignored altogether if I told people. 
For example, one of my friends was telling me about how much growing up with her mom was so terrible and how much she hated her. She looked at me wide eyes and said ""she was borderline, she was crazy, god can you believe it?"" And while I'm not defending this person I've never met, it made me feel insanely guilty. Most people who know what bpd is hate people that have it, right? BPD makes us the bad guy.. we're the selfish ones. 

Who would want to be around someone who might have an angry outburst at any moment? Bpd people are selfish, right? 

Or you get the other side and if you tell someone that you have bpd, they might not care enough to know what that is, or just say ""everyone has mental illnesses these days, whatever."" And not take you seriously.
I just feel constantly judged so I'll probably keep this to myself and my FP.. 
 
Do you tell friends or do you feel like it's no one's business?",2.0037142857142847,3.8702303161290352,3.3826958525345643,90.52975806451613,78.09677419354837,7.009216589861751,21.394009216589858,7.957251820313856,0.8524331797235027,1178,32,257,20,28,385,148,310,0.201,0.742,0.057,-0.9951,0,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,11,1,0,16,16,2,0,5,1,34,4,2,5,1,55,58,23,0,6,14,1,5,3,3,3,2,2,0,2,26,14,0,2,11,0,0,2,13,8,0,4,11,10,37,8,20,41,5,22,0,0,3,0,39,12,0,10,11,169,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051719807533035636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039676973087199266,0.06118039384682707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387981458553006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871609510802225,0.03556690424189934,0.0,0.0,0.0657354521782831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7348417465487921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948717425281257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305080926464879,0.0,0.04658417209723007,0.0,0.0,0.03762805136219852,0.0,0.0,0.05921950259781154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602865473657864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055751671026300825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800504771271185,0.08336414165357778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523287591123082,0.0,0.030483140470531488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777126514713959,0.0,0.0,0.05226615037017364,0.11520829777666187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173004267607102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186020347726733,0.0,0.0,0.12826074825952313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551406215456697,0.0,0.0,0.051633973553299135,0.048995565239270567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520796782690902,0.03894610604936456,0.059153227518589375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879858890985916,0.1237908113575112,0.0,0.06833360012242796,0.0,0.0,0.12867207231913186,0.0,0.0449996831584764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716624866502248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814581205457492,0.04437441806185875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831461939650405,0.05094508162685198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935839746001115,0.06290636849530479,0.0,0.0,0.05865339043481831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213295534849864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965355762388252,0.05549997671477068,0.046398721229536234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947593809784831,0.09887198619912473,0.04491725300854385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659482964041475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386859056364456,0.0,0.2549829012083916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055751671026300825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073977266445525,0.07018250980330577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034413715625239524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264778159332124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144700296306287,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,knm5264,2019/02/04,"I can’t escape it Almost every night I dream of being cheated on or left. Sometimes it’s about the people still in my life, sometimes it’s about the people who already left. 

I’m losing my mind. I can’t escape the fear. The torment. I don’t know how much more I can take. ",-0.5891379310344824,1.6100610344827615,1.6823275862068994,95.91418103448281,93.82758620689656,2.9000000000000004,15.870689655172415,3.1291,-1.081765517241379,212,5,45,0,8,71,38,58,0.165,0.742,0.09300000000000001,-0.7152,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,7,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143296153479067,0.0,0.2440259898294987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631426206467933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488363335879641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152902597975225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805237471140914,0.0,0.15619292192063142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24739149198846094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328149840647432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255834911238365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075185323116273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066118412632288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374127869339102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765972626460693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626464930695378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ravensdraven,2019/02/04,"Thinking of quitting job, feeling incompetent. Feels like a disappointment I am nowhere near to accomplishing what I want to, and have to, at work. I feel like I am disappointing my boss. I am tortured by my bpd symptoms, and my anxiety is huge that I have TMJ disorder. I have had discussions with the boss, telling I feel no confidence, and I feel excluded and alone. I want to take a break, and I have been taking a lot of leaves, so that is not an option. I have not told my employer that I have bpd, and that it's just not that I am lazy or dedicated or trying. I feel like quitting, but I think it will make me look like a quitter. It will also shatter me all over again. I know that it is hard for people with bpd to hold jobs. 

After having so many discussion with boss, and telling that I have some physical issues, I can't bring myself to tell that I am mentally disabled. I have no solution. I am taking valuim, it is not helping me hugely. I feel like somebody else in my office are doing better at my job. Sometimes, I feel like it will be good for the company, if i leave. But, I am becoming crippled and helpless. I struggle with picking myself up and coming to work everyday. 

Has anybody here dealt with situation, and has anyone got through this. I don't have a huge income to spend on therapies. My bf understands, my friends are tired of me. My coworkers like me, but I can't burden the ones close to me with more about my mental disorder. Currently, my biggest struggle is work, and wanting to be good at it, and not being able to do anything. What can I do? How can I take a break. How can I spend my weekends in ways that gets me energiszd for work. First few months in office, I performed well. Now, I have very low self confidence, and I feel threatened by my coworkers and employers. ",3.73798585101956,5.144292191011238,4.9319975031210985,83.18686849771125,72.31460674157303,8.420141489804411,29.19642114024136,8.94667605116694,2.337849479816896,1404,57,282,28,27,464,169,356,0.13,0.7090000000000001,0.161,0.9176,7,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,0,10,11,20,1,2,10,0,44,2,0,7,1,62,71,25,0,4,12,0,10,7,2,3,2,0,0,1,19,22,0,1,13,1,2,2,10,8,1,2,4,11,57,12,38,61,5,29,0,4,1,0,10,16,0,6,15,212,76,13,0.0811470114019961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404383115428726,0.0,0.06489323570056857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062077241613389574,0.0,0.0,0.05673987713426841,0.0,0.06677707621037622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962049869660736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176793724313031,0.0,0.0,0.3066054605250387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990096507538512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860030106281152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778791546929215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692733044375918,0.2898572057976277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902360644456787,0.0,0.0,0.0626939797153171,0.0,0.04239596423815938,0.0,0.0,0.1361245263402305,0.06490067793874364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269178331879096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439113123716972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469639724824722,0.2415776628816412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459627528885229,0.0,0.0,0.17184593674245635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775103161400181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681430521806175,0.0,0.0,0.06898828724938849,0.0,0.0,0.054166260227702635,0.0822703330345574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355420302488016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477077031342607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549873150271542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562571203445463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261967041818346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465403039787198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912126407423422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025646920028298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696649504449438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843428154824103,0.2440498148165117,0.0,0.2127781939939592,0.0,0.09279867957035094,0.0,0.0,0.10399145666737593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932665523989866,0.0,0.07753944687338395,0.0,0.05509349411223146,0.0,0.0,0.08447690067254009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695478280917469,0.14358782931439906,0.06441072056842824,0.0,0.0,0.07296090861468946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363039630275779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thegracelesswonder,2019/02/04,"Do you ever not text people to test yourself? Sometimes I don't text friends or my FP to see how long I can go without. If I'm always initiating conversations or being the first one to text that day then I start to wonder if I'm being annoying or clingy so I take a break.

Right now it's been almost a day and a half since I've texted or heard from my FP and I'm starting to get anxious. Idk if I should continue to hold out to see how long I can go or if this is just pointless and I should text him when I feel like it. :/",2.345603448275863,2.7888608017241414,4.204655172413794,90.74336206896551,74.60344827586206,7.179310344827586,23.98275862068965,7.1686216300943375,0.6557793103448275,407,11,99,4,8,139,71,116,0.10300000000000001,0.8740000000000001,0.023,-0.7618,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,2,1,25,24,17,0,6,12,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,2,4,12,2,10,18,0,17,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,11,13,64,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086969112558753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341747241923858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235448943619101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882008624232234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885227522813196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538058029437612,0.14889128547422734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727717796972886,0.0,0.0,0.16102044462931012,0.0,0.10888791943206166,0.0,0.2368934072487491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182074600872484,0.0,0.0,0.3688803624196147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412269878997828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448829971516888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798475462456909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33215857872069865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240254128879404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612716585689692,0.0,0.2950335630533373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670168759383551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009040395530759,0.22601652107999864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cat_is_cat,2019/02/04,"DAE dissociate during sex? I have done this a lot. Makes me wonder if it’s from sexual abuse/trauma

Most of my fantasizing during sex has been not me, meaning I’m someone else...sometimes so it my partner...in my mind...also: sometimes I’m just fantasizing about my mate and someone else...I’m not even involved at all...
I realized it felt most of my life like I wasn’t actually consenting...or at least not participating...I was giving passive permission for something to be done to me, not being an involved partner.",3.134020618556703,5.759471319587632,5.102278350515466,75.75857216494849,78.0721649484536,7.591340206185567,29.287628865979386,8.548686976883017,2.722922474226805,406,19,70,9,10,139,66,97,0.024,0.9259999999999999,0.05,0.3103,0,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,1,1,16,16,3,0,1,6,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,1,11,1,9,8,5,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,5,1,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.21436136954173565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756660347398065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495871569315339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450866720247365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109128644039736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072270040885585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551558977802253,0.10731723160230704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867513421662321,0.0,0.0,0.14662810458073128,0.0,0.0,0.239279600529858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179904772236952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722429121446512,0.16910886195574856,0.43450863728490574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23821734066465705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WeMustReviseOurPlan,2019/02/04,"I have no idea how to form connections/friendships anymore and I dont know if this BPD or something else I have been diagnosed with bpd. But honestely since I stopped drinking (for health reasons) many of my symptoms have gone (impulsivity, sexual disinhabition). I never drank much just socially and maybe once a month a little  alone.


In fact not drinking has made me more of a ""quiet borderline""

Something else has happened since I stopped drinking, I have realised that i have massive social anxiety, almost like avoidant personality disorder. I'm terrified of meeting new people (always have been but booze masked this) as I have a fear I will be hated. And even if im invited to things i find reasons not to go unless they are very old friends who I am certain like me (not many). 

People in the UK drink all the time, this has made me feel more disconnected and out of place.

""They dont really like me, I'm beneath them, I'm not fun now im sober, what would I talk to them about? there will be people there who are prettier than me"" are all common thoughts


Even if I get on with someone it is like SOMETHING stops me from going out with them/asking for their number

Does anyone else go through this? I am in therapy but suddenly coping very badly... I do think I'm comorbid with something bit I am exhausted.  

 Therapy doesn't seem to be doing much anymore. All she says is to be mindful with not so great examples which a lot of the times dont work

Thanks for reading",5.364634914751665,6.339576616197183,5.862008895478134,79.65778724981467,68.04929577464789,9.07753891771683,31.84877687175685,9.276330184999452,2.770643661971832,1165,48,221,22,19,376,159,284,0.136,0.785,0.079,-0.9401,0,2,8,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,5,1,9,15,1,2,8,0,33,10,0,5,6,51,53,15,0,4,14,0,1,4,1,3,4,2,0,1,11,11,6,4,9,5,0,4,11,5,0,0,7,3,30,10,32,39,10,25,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,7,16,149,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282596520039501,0.08566659556420071,0.0,0.0,0.06882454296664609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327586305855995,0.0,0.16405981162930586,0.05783544181726485,0.0847501062356629,0.0,0.0,0.07732627712083631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906260346665398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030209323241248,0.0,0.20835037800180944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395280895023242,0.0,0.0,0.09479722941205802,0.0,0.07238344090621235,0.0,0.2908200219100496,0.3241123043572727,0.0,0.0,0.20729040521679648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926342565980456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307606854687904,0.04182260400374616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559895349025603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639045094781867,0.0,0.043214568779917466,0.0,0.1410245483767469,0.0,0.0,0.09119230328077484,0.0,0.0,0.07314357769112909,0.0,0.0,0.08166279509651785,0.0,0.08792094662576466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337386013605968,0.1786902871745705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545736464376993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163922148818066,0.0829009998174743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032035095604737,0.0,0.15653167528206668,0.0,0.16771770753918105,0.08309717221351094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351740178483351,0.0,0.06602139988877648,0.0,0.12160838272038856,0.0,0.06379401442598694,0.07988554443812745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679426366072146,0.08808754269647684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203009108362038,0.07222253678522379,0.08641836059178015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273622596699548,0.0,0.05298860546742325,0.17008721197097018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577736738812627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529957563045649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684349039299276,0.0,0.0,0.16863269190812258,0.07008317027144265,0.25470862773068204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745742784783816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597135284579502,0.0,0.06648225339778732,0.0,0.07615179315115568,0.1891809747951876,0.0,0.05495140155802601,0.052999690388351305,0.0,0.06566555166081632,0.09646221337203156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649516499248435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021666240362932,0.0,0.0,0.058757540483737915,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlueComma9,2019/02/04,"Does anyone else want to... ...threaten self-harm or suicide, but never end up doing so? I get the thoughts all the time but never end up saying anything. I hope I don't lose control one day, I feel  like my impulse control has gotten a lot better as far as stuff like that goes.",5.818154761904764,4.978596410714289,6.229285714285716,83.64904761904764,67.03571428571429,7.466666666666668,31.16666666666667,3.1291,1.3564238095238093,213,7,43,0,3,69,45,56,0.044000000000000004,0.667,0.29,0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,2,3,13,9,6,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,5,4,5,7,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,8,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136121255073267,0.19946749719386367,0.16020090072401275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721741777557397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366890315419392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554924102765558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036136516093867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626259449001811,0.0,0.3448484553858559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843350666204696,0.13907582687158762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170962916403943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335615623845345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902166993688359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177914789106005,0.0,0.1655056852435482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30029065351534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191678785086347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548133380320145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308843527278828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285624809508414,0.21294280393255724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455016900174326,0.11351653189434545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482433241363445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PhoenixtheII,2019/02/04,"DAE Feel like you just don't have much to talk about? But you really want to, but just... having nothing. I don't get it how people can talk so much about everything. What's their magic trick? :S ",0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,1.6900000000000013,97.195,89.0,5.2,13.0,6.742157984588678,-0.7009000000000003,150,2,34,2,5,48,31,40,0.13699999999999998,0.7879999999999999,0.075,-0.5443,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,8,4,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29973297232614005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863025157724587,0.2382561839860965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742427038858445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293379640983474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903293962806397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32000723740062514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312105158547673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365197322239032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5361176991698984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671000981992068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DrKoobold1990,2019/02/04,"This illness makes me an asshole and I'm trying to help it but I can't The mood swings are terrible and literally anything can make me swing from ""kinda ok"" to angry and ready to punch someone and I'm trying so hard to not let it affect my relationship. I feel like an abusive asshole. I had one of these moments talking to the guy I'm dating and the sadness/fear/*something* in his voice when *he* apologized to me doesn't get out of my mind, I'm so terrible, he deserves better than this.

I'm trying so hard for him, especially after that. He shouldn't have to apologize when I was the asshole. I shouldn't scare him. Why do I do this? It's so horrible. I hate this disorder so much.",0.5923888888888911,3.0325434928571404,2.867619047619048,88.35626984126984,89.07142857142857,5.9682539682539675,22.777777777777786,7.3871296695380915,1.1838015873015872,539,21,110,10,18,183,83,140,0.248,0.626,0.126,-0.9731,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,1,1,6,1,12,1,0,3,0,16,22,13,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,4,15,3,15,17,1,7,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,6,73,24,0,0.0,0.23122828658755515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059699489420934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172599875662301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366601117757065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960507830329665,0.0986768819362473,0.1394196896338452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196110459883828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323540545860354,0.0,0.0,0.34964339911260905,0.1926764289856569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080914471407645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956052456536927,0.0,0.09534350356106136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26053667248986506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705221594537625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434623250991604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224295000340222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952481584464827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538548746517104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653552877284641,0.15024084335155674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568592302096138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974949231726631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760981933971918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Moosi3h,2019/02/04,"Can you really feel this unworthy of love because of your illness Hi I just wanted to write this because my boyfriend of a year broke up with me last week because we were at different places, I think he felt like he was triggering me because a lot of our fights and arguments had a lot to do with my illness, as well as when I drank alcohol. I also have trust issues because of being abused as a child and having an ex boyfriend who cheated on me. I know myself, I can be better than this but how do I get better on my own. 

I don’t want to scare away the people I love anymore. I want to be able to trust, to not get explosively mad or feel so upset I want to hurt myself just to relieve the pain. I have felt so depressed since my diagnosis for bipolar seven months ago but I have recently been told I exhibit bpd traits and I don’t know who to talk to about this, I feel like nobody else understands what it’s like to feel this way. I would value any help or advice.",3.5340938166311275,4.341409875621888,4.803315565031983,86.19682835820898,72.13432835820895,7.931911869225303,26.29744136460555,8.192908349453996,1.4813351812366735,759,24,163,11,14,252,117,201,0.16899999999999998,0.625,0.205,0.7591,1,0,1,0,2,2,12.0,2,2,0,2,9,20,3,2,7,0,18,8,0,2,0,33,38,15,0,5,7,1,6,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,9,6,2,0,10,0,0,0,3,9,1,1,8,6,30,11,29,26,3,14,0,3,0,2,18,6,0,4,10,113,39,0,0.12397673714039263,0.1468921606852836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121148632680757,0.10989789714668308,0.1324934282697268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914415189961057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430843259893328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295160970023257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648022560802546,0.0,0.0,0.37787534125156097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929469827599574,0.0,0.0,0.156144360416896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678098203412767,0.0,0.0,0.12952930320830056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356665553335287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507454535293369,0.08856900578481987,0.23807421960679204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954545640946374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309899358774554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271966125665713,0.0,0.0,0.1293995034070463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362687449211623,0.10105758772410277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817063143797448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080117693337366,0.2237876912883819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895704877839584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319199893272701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594985940615538,0.0,0.12952930320830056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942267241792274,0.0,0.12241207126112627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412234179419405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255483810278446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964780515811074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794392871983247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846508524399572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290641556376152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924987667676105,0.09840696329993094,0.09944666037251887,0.0,0.111469975696789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806951699817367,0.0,0.0,0.07983695398141996
bpd,foreverindanger42,2019/02/04,"I think I only feel secure in relationships where I’m being abused, when I’m not I become abusive Over the last few days I’ve found out from a friend (we’ll call them Y) that another friend(X) of ours has become severely abusive towards them. It’s been a lot to take in and has been making me reevaluate the time that X and I spent together. I cut contact with X several months ago, after they blew up on me another time and then humiliated me and another friend in public (although thankfully that friend wasn’t there for the humiliation), and then that friend let me know that how X was treating me wasn’t ok.  Since then I just kind of was mostly ok with it, and felt secure in cutting contact, but felt like I may have been to blame for the way that some things went down towards the end.

I always considered my relationship with X to be mostly good, although when it ended I was able to point out some abuse and did have a general sense that they had been using me the whole time.  When people questioned the decision or tried to defend or praise X I was quick to point out that they had mistreated me, but I couldn’t really remember how.

Flash forward to now, and I’ve been talking to Y every day since an incident with X about a week ago.  Hearing Y talk about the kinds of things X has been doing, and reassuring them that “no, you’re not crazy, that’s not ok. It’s not your fault.” has made me realize a little more of what X used to do to me. I’ll have moments where I’m like “Omg they did that to me too” or “Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t remember that”.  I even came to realize that they were physically abusing me and sexually humiliating me, albeit mostly in subtle ways, although there were some larger incidents. 

The thing is, I’ve never felt better in a relationship than with X, save for maybe the first year of another relationship in which I was abused, but moreso witnessed worse abuse. I felt calm and happy and like I could talk about anything. I felt like they loved me like no one else had before or since, and I never doubted they cared for a second. I truly loved them, a deep and whole love, that would do anything for them.  I hardly ever worried that they would leave me, or felt jealousy or anger towards them. I was gracious and supportive and genuinely caring, and my feelings matched all my actions. I still felt “negative” emotions, but they felt like mine, although they would often gaslight me into feeling and thinking different things.  There were times when I’d feel sad or scared, sometimes even terrorized, because of something they did to me, but the relationship made me so happy on the whole that it seemed like it really wasn’t a big deal. They’d joke around, or apologize, or tell me how much they loved me and needed me and we’d make up, and be happy again.

It’s been really hard to start to put together those conflicting experiences, and it’s gotten even more difficult since I’ve started to realize just how horrible they treated me from the very beginning, even when things were “good”.

The thing is, when I’m with someone who’s nice to me, I’m a mess. I feel anxious all the time, and am racked with jealousy and fear that they will leave me, or that they don’t care about me. I engage in behaviors that I really hate myself for, and I become the sometimes grumpy, always on edge person that makes other people feel bad.  I don’t do the kinds of things that X did to me, and never have, but I know that I get controlling and extremely needy. I get upset and angry and sad for no reason and I try to make them talk about things they don’t want to and get them to believe things I want them to. I’ve spied and snooped, and though I quickly felt horrible and confessed, I know it’s not ok. My tone of voice can get so invalidating and tense, and I know I’m scaring the people I love.  I know I have borderline traits and have gotten into a DBT program and am doing a lot better.  I feel hopeful and am starting to feel like the supportive and kind person that my other friends need, and that I want to be. I’ve made peace with what I’ve done, and though I still feel a lot of guilt, and am nervous about the future, am working towards giving others the respect they deserve.  

But this thing with X, I dunno. It scares me. Like I feel so stupid and like there must be something seriously wrong with me for feeling so good while being treated so bad. It hurts and I haven’t even just begun to process it. And I’m scared that someday it will happen again and I won’t even know it until it’s too late.

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bpd,imdelicateok,2019/02/04,"Is this happiness or mania stuff?! I've been having a great mood for the last 3 days and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about when I say it feels like I have no bpd and my life has always been wonderful and I'm fucking amazing and lucky and what mental breakdown last Thursday are you talking about, brain?! You've always been fine and happy! What depression???

Naturally since I feel like a fraud even posting this because I'm all happy and suddenly all the posts don't come close to home, even though 4 days ago I was constantly refreshing the subreddit and commenting on stuff because i related to it all.

So. Since now I feel like that, I don't really care much about my mental health and starting therapy and stuff. But I ve just finally found a clinic (the only one in my country) that specializes in DBT and even group therapy. And i dont know what to do, to happily wait for the next episode and then call?

 Anyway what i really want to check is if this all sounds familiar to anyone or if I'm magically getting happy after 22 years.

Thanks, I'm sorry if i sound condescending or some shit, i appreciate you all xx",4.843333333333334,5.7284242152466405,5.870780269058298,79.4511629297459,69.17937219730942,9.713482810164423,29.21644245142003,9.888512548439397,2.7279263976083707,892,32,175,21,15,296,125,223,0.07200000000000001,0.7070000000000001,0.221,0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,0,12,19,2,0,8,0,14,6,2,0,6,40,35,24,0,4,8,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,15,15,0,1,7,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,5,6,18,15,15,30,7,23,0,1,0,1,9,4,2,9,19,109,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820896270824016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655993662559128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957919442132186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131985324644945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532844051358352,0.11108525362496206,0.10161008920512464,0.0,0.10145633144387196,0.0,0.0,0.08571842388218386,0.0,0.10753416821200094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835049230497791,0.0,0.08570718736888874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166241218779908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717480056114287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094462860905802,0.21326832445077995,0.0,0.1090075399497374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910677699303832,0.0,0.09199471549575856,0.051989485832437655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970932010425248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237178678408163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577369942654392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981591005409778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937538343437073,0.16222667072586722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028633936245843,0.1458456069235027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056387615650087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731507622203256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582923623215304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743005583052478,0.0756812829498288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060474513526776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749637129362978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913376452594023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214483439345068,0.1646301908340228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139247943073244,0.0704331725982941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417429160317698,0.0,0.0,0.0937863081605738,0.0,0.0,0.1599635617671155,0.0,0.0916147651804543,0.2275950422870316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776735131856236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586931449097093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791355718681817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408070654060836
bpd,throwawaybreaks,2019/02/04,"Gardening? I'm not particularly skilled or anything but waiting for food plants to come
up has really helped with distress tolerance and patience. 

i also feel like being responsible for their wellbeing and the symbiotic nature of the relationship reinforces empathy and is a nice safe way to think about how healthy interpersonal relationships (mutually nurturing each-other for everyone's benefit) are meant to be.

DAE garden and think like this? It's helped me as much as therapy",9.812962962962962,11.263940419753089,10.103308641975307,51.480888888888906,58.382716049382715,14.875061728395062,43.36049382716049,13.662883650711644,7.197096790123457,398,22,55,17,5,133,67,81,0.051,0.669,0.281,0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,16,12,10,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,1,2,4,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,6,12,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,35,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342483962002965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903993254220406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835119119931936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23111892809466875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229768020879628,0.17279330561605774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924724140481663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242432195813395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363327474419052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778036477512833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549493074506919,0.0,0.0,0.5193597207607556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766015520580427,0.0,0.0,0.30996344396437936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198662481935108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dogflesh,2019/02/04,"Breakup doesn't phase me at all A little background info on me; i'm undiagnosed, but i strongly suspect i have BPD because It runs very strong in the female side of my family, and i've been diagnosed with having ""Cluster B similarities"" I have a history with self harm and depression.

I (21F) broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year, because i suddenly felt a little suffocated by being in a relationship. This is my first relationship, and i'm not into casual sex, so this isn't a commitment issue (i think). I've been putting off this breakup for weeks because i felt so scared of spiking my extreme emotions, but the thing is; i feel nothing at all. The whole situation often pops into my head, but i just have this ""meh"" reaction to it all.
Has anyone else experienced this?",8.58609073359073,7.074047358108111,9.239498069498069,66.47770270270271,61.905405405405396,12.511196911196912,40.06177606177606,11.491704259439757,4.622518146718146,611,28,111,15,7,208,92,148,0.174,0.7759999999999999,0.05,-0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,8,0,12,3,1,0,4,24,18,8,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,4,4,16,3,18,13,4,18,0,2,0,1,3,12,0,1,4,78,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171007893026508,0.1715955480211627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062693674034728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092597332103646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424397082027013,0.16998124131753692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990193154368438,0.18838421979241868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787833466398146,0.0,0.08467921720049702,0.0,0.3216000652161565,0.0,0.0,0.14245217302898994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718752818988784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747979634392011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357032368933064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606945498101541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835629608886654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35960595920057625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766936496410156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471052596365866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824630515205135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126140466019313,0.10730972881440608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818249722304415,0.0,0.0,0.13433647924648545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869772624545787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784691282193516
bpd,jxseyrae_,2019/02/04,"Good DBT websites?? Hello! I'm currently trying to write up a book for myself of self help tips for my BPD.

I'm not currently in therapy so I'm doing this all for myself and I've never been taught DBT and CBT exercises and skills, does anyone know any good websites where I can find some things to add to my book?",1.1108571428571423,3.3563073384615407,3.0991208791208815,89.3823076923077,83.30769230769229,6.175824175824177,18.516483516483518,7.447530270364453,0.4495714285714283,247,6,52,4,7,83,46,65,0.0,0.857,0.14300000000000002,0.8531,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,11,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,9,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,29,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968753422281804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532224425773865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698334953370188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25696925737886184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683846843117251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492588187678989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682293472200826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137869502563468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264758390458793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063340349790134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358067397370456,0.0,0.19508358090616346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936454617896884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Apuls323,2019/02/04,"Is anyone still awake? I can't even really begin to fully explain the extent of how SHITTY and WORTHLESS I feel right now. I have no idea what really triggered it, but I cannot get out of my head how badly I just want to die.. I feel completely alone. I feel like no one actually cares, and it's all just a bunch of fake bullshit.

I'm sitting on my bed, ugly crying.. because people don't understand that sometimes I really just need to hear a voice to calm down.. but no one is there for me, ever. I'm just overreacting apparently, and I'll get over it. 

As a quick tangent, I recently learned about FP's, and I have discovered that I have 2 of them. One is pretty responsive, and the other has changed. He and I used to be really close, and we would text all of the time and basically tell each other everything... and then for some reason, it all changed. He isn't there for me really at all, and I feel like I still need him. I dont know how to fix myself so I dont need him anymore.

My brain is seriously everywhere, so I apologize for the multiple topics. I'm just really hurting right now and I don't have anyone...",2.7544975845410637,4.099280691304351,4.887246376811596,82.78207729468602,74.69565217391305,8.589371980676331,24.51690821256039,9.150863307647796,1.8648357487922704,869,27,183,20,18,302,122,230,0.163,0.731,0.106,-0.9304,1,1,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,0,1,0,20,9,0,0,7,0,18,2,2,6,5,48,38,20,1,5,7,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,9,15,0,0,10,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,0,6,28,4,22,36,8,19,0,2,0,0,10,8,0,1,12,130,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.11298786373677397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991664924088133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482598763325845,0.1619168438856604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966742747395192,0.07058046554616677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925252885423005,0.0,0.0,0.11804885868709622,0.0,0.2449668988266639,0.0,0.1213966568875268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718259131440515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016485457408033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713944864189781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647382158360982,0.10473268370742128,0.0,0.0,0.1040586240410654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417419598046094,0.1654313203012662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098406041112422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882713751441212,0.0,0.13049626890599722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394848850944593,0.13070532756039782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363151022286873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313180884047735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575556974860713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537341687948704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026960783444569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779330858564095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450427362323576,0.11904458443779735,0.11432210619333635,0.0,0.0,0.1977567246951876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451271002548748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492949207485945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119976566529236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751421210186903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053456782936052,0.0,0.09999965373150586,0.0,0.0,0.06829202939572708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224918156301456,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dietgum,2019/02/04,"Why does everyone hate me? I go onto other subs and ask a simple question like ""I've been fighting for ages but I can't get this monster to drop with the item I want.  Can someone help me?"" and my post gets 90% downvoted and I get a whole bunch of comments that are at best psychopathic trolls making jokes at my expense and at worst cunts who personally attack me and tell me what a stupid, worthless piece of shit I am.  Then I scroll down the sub's main page and see similar questions, and all the comments are so nice and helpful.  It makes me feel like I'll be bullied no matter what I do or where I go and that it's better to end the pain now than continue living.",5.0793478260869565,4.8103821159420335,5.7592391304347865,84.49581521739131,68.42028985507247,8.63913043478261,29.568840579710145,8.07648339933343,1.7706492753623184,524,17,113,6,8,171,98,138,0.268,0.5529999999999999,0.179,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,15,6,0,7,0,8,2,1,2,1,20,20,13,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,10,0,0,3,1,1,2,2,9,0,0,1,2,15,6,12,18,9,15,0,1,1,0,11,6,2,3,7,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864553367932247,0.20522603689682767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893140518848586,0.15954524784038804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786540456484166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977695668152314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237572576331514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912134352601619,0.12887465214623128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827477651570721,0.0,0.20504595253966446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810330683935638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418307351973939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626435531602128,0.0,0.15929261913498338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408309265832491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919536364333939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575144790791505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276911812844836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041687132562247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437519367022537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517349027180702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528486058354602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767370499907507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064019983242214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277896957915453,0.20140524426013365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,booboothedumbassfool,2019/02/04,"Feeling down if you’re doing nothing productive? Idk if this is necessarily a BPD thing, but I’m a full time student at the moment who’s life basically revolves around my online work and the two hobbies I actually have. I don’t get out much on top of that, classic. Anyway, regardless of how much I do some days, I never can give myself a break. I feel like because I’m doing my minimal effort in school rn I’m not doing ENOUGH to be alive type thing? I’m in college and live with my grandma, and she always tells me how important an education is. She never pushes a job on me or anything, it just seems to be a trigger because it starts with me wanting a job or money, me wanting to find a job, me realizing the process will take awhile, getting discouraged and stressed, giving up, feeling bad for myself, rinse and repeat. I still help financially when I can and try to help around the house if I see her doing something I could easily do. It’s just getting me down. I feel like without money I’m worthless and I should never be able to relax because I should always be doing more. 

I’ve tried to get better about talking myself down from this, I tell myself I’m focusing on my school (as little as I think I do) and enjoy not working while it lasts. Then the negative side comes in and says all you do is stay in your room, you never attempt to talk to anyone, all you’re doing is spending other people’s money to keep you living. No one has ever told me this besides my mom (not those exact words, just roughly). I have some friends with just weekend jobs in school, some friends who are full time students and workers, and some friends who are full time students. So with that part, I can’t get it in my head to stop comparing myself to people. 

Tl;dr: Full time student who feels like if I’m not being productive I’m not allowed to relax, feel like if I’m not contributing financially I can’t enjoy things or myself.",5.917783052456684,5.7734360939947775,6.696673391882273,78.05824531212916,66.65013054830287,8.843531924994068,31.7694042250178,8.296473431620573,2.3402908616187994,1516,55,289,18,22,503,187,383,0.054000000000000006,0.763,0.182,0.9940000000000001,5,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,4,0,7,15,16,0,1,13,0,33,2,1,4,8,75,65,28,0,11,20,1,7,4,3,3,1,1,1,0,19,19,0,3,10,3,4,2,16,4,0,2,1,9,44,12,41,55,15,49,0,2,1,0,25,25,0,13,24,212,63,16,0.08422595202454843,0.0,0.08219237943631336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016547856952816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058892744006492234,0.0,0.0693107819999938,0.14995790848128793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032515182013155,0.1540300757914254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744910100163221,0.0,0.0,0.10607963810569143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255319979367962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724756916350967,0.0,0.0,0.054318771216672515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702792345752526,0.0,0.0,0.07618719563295945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555230323018567,0.24068414782191344,0.0,0.0,0.07698099426866134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952182848079757,0.0,0.22002291817427586,0.16159441586770734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644012596493406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290976047036735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718544024354472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343250444270604,0.07486389610815017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865539238807489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949128077226256,0.16459418296810568,0.08441653088012438,0.14874611745730038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864441705292913,0.0,0.0,0.1238315318005826,0.0,0.25984098626628577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081707255404208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057073684876605274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120849828347873,0.0,0.116783340194891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697985763209842,0.0,0.25572348017344665,0.06711717899279572,0.07667614341761929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484125277620896,0.0,0.0,0.05961556235157134,0.08977365823865946,0.06726295408590198,0.07041666728100085,0.09648054347433303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332743387339898,0.13539525962994714,0.14723438895713026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786793995522206,0.05396858916244608,0.0,0.0,0.19645131981071284,0.0,0.0,0.08048150658333436,0.0,0.114367785375948,0.0,0.08227651661849136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935729744649706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811908121415576,0.0,0.1226349924002368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DickkkyBickkky,2019/02/04,"Wonderful week, yeah? At least for me. I've successfully removed everyone from my life, I'm in constant physical pain, I can never stop thinking. I'm sick. Mentally. I wish I could describe this better, and not with words. I feel nothing, but something. We are all our own devils. Every single one of us living beings. So wonderful. Yeah?",1.2088172043010736,3.509410580645163,3.173387096774196,81.51341397849464,104.48387096774192,5.93763440860215,24.521505376344088,7.1686216300943375,2.1038666666666668,264,12,43,6,12,88,53,62,0.126,0.595,0.27899999999999997,0.85,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,15,11,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,9,2,6,9,4,7,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993311424678616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435567481642323,0.0,0.17994835600445994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189893178198188,0.21536116440461225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395938459424178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919323634641355,0.0,0.0,0.19901551558990616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271309960736721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382768954631486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625910830817652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272397043363578,0.0,0.23982123046000894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350927302633026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842857325770773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441501776888074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27110554273696563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078701019683915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591769794686544,0.0,0.4888320709272596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tinyredf0x,2019/02/04,"Where to next for help?? So pretty much have been turned away from dbt because I'm considered ""high functioning"" ( have a job ect ) I dont know what to do with myself right now. I was forced into the mental health system and now they are saying they cant help me. I feel like I've  been let down by everyone and everything and that theres no point in going on if this is how lifes going to be, I dont want to have to fight this anymore I'm exhausted and I'm over it",2.763057142857144,3.4131470200000003,4.141428571428573,90.815,73.8,7.7142857142857135,21.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,0.6094714285714278,362,7,85,5,7,120,72,100,0.11699999999999999,0.77,0.11199999999999999,0.3029,1,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,14,3,0,1,0,11,23,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,2,8,1,15,18,1,16,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,4,57,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940004097623957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837894725597113,0.0,0.0,0.11924686666671472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585254841499559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692130290856065,0.17580877046539453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891029659829063,0.13974947913569727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234834072558127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793269847993956,0.0,0.0,0.2622371329040815,0.20668106969325326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412059848358112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750649144393776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003257385882695,0.13817072002915293,0.09556903330242583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713685071485765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438016772297902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080418741816297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492216105488826,0.0,0.0,0.19901374770552185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670566324527026,0.0,0.15556321928762573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277612081720929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153805158514417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liquorsiccc,2019/02/04,"deep feelings / or idealising others? has anyone experienced having really deep feelings and even idealising that person yet they are usually strangers / people you barely know.... like idk if this just me being extremely alone with no actual friends but even meeting someone online i sometimes get this deep idealisation for them. 

the thing is.... i don’t even know what they look like sometimes? or not even much about their life story and stuff you would know about a friend.... and it freaks me out bc those deep feelings feel more of daytime dream and fake sceneries created in my head.

I think i already struggle with close friendships and attachment and all of that, and i don’t know how else i could really explain this i’m very stoned but anyone know what i’m saying?? lol ):",4.196166666666667,7.194467235714287,4.1485714285714295,81.94309523809527,76.64285714285714,6.8761904761904775,25.76190476190476,8.021203637495839,1.8841761904761896,623,23,105,11,15,191,95,140,0.109,0.728,0.163,0.8177,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,4,0,9,7,0,1,2,1,9,2,1,1,1,33,24,13,0,3,7,0,4,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,12,11,0,0,11,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,7,15,4,9,21,3,9,0,0,1,0,12,7,0,3,4,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.1448784332757385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376285285090036,0.16383256852702188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076175076445126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185355933095997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402175303311752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922335405315128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002693342914565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294042297978197,0.0,0.07756576920745945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236582889853914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079568018710101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486377947642808,0.14506300656009444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467149535370765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913735823467904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292552348635524,0.1296321305064893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021834804105736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806370494833425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579218453587876,0.0,0.293667327976074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520572093702312,0.16995457016468296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863219398493818,0.09512907032963608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351097615186366,0.12249749059929595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546382743214022,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vcooldog,2019/02/04,"i had a failed suicide attempt and now i don’t know what to do i took a ton of pills and woke up in my puke the next day and i just continued my life as normal. i went to work the next day, told no one, and acted like nothing happened. i don’t see this as a second chance or anything, i just don’t know what to do from here. i’m not going to go to the mental hospital and i’m not going to tell anyone but it feels weird just continuing life like nothing happened. i’m going to wait awhile before i try to kill myself again but now it feels weird existing. nothing has changed and i don’t know how i’m supposed to feel or how i’m supposed to exist now",1.2932983682983659,2.6453274615384643,3.333024475524475,92.3913315850816,78.58041958041956,5.885547785547786,22.406177156177158,6.42735559955562,0.32089324009323983,509,15,118,4,12,173,74,143,0.14,0.812,0.047,-0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,3,10,6,1,0,6,0,8,3,0,2,0,25,31,14,2,1,9,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,6,0,0,7,7,4,0,2,5,4,12,2,16,26,1,19,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,12,73,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541103084079877,0.0,0.12405808393298523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828095062296635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947824023439447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444832345810734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22867796952657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427089584092678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666233604012813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678748523971654,0.0,0.24855214289944935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296468140633007,0.14730203855974536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519250482196184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320658178845116,0.0,0.14770737267662498,0.4339589403331968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021551306229279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013179457179103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649009220534968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176605180321793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405235680026365,0.16749376346535172,0.1023523895416464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975090430059325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975104984611878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,greygrl,2019/02/04,"I am having a bad night I wish I had the courage to deal with bad nights on my own. I know the best thing for me to do is just take sleep medication and try again tomorrow, but every few minutes I have a thought that tells me to hurt myself or threaten to hurt myself.

My friends are all out having fun without me, and I guess I feel fomo. I would join them but my social anxiety has been really bad tonight, and I haven’t left my room as a result. If I did join them I feel like I would be too scared to even open my mouth to tell them how they’ve made me feel left out.

Everything sucks and I’ve tried a million things and they aren’t working. ",5.5947515527950324,4.1300227608695685,5.9507453416149065,87.5119565217392,67.76811594202898,9.334989648033126,29.134575569358176,7.957251820313856,1.5006488612836435,503,13,120,5,7,162,87,138,0.19899999999999998,0.647,0.154,-0.8402,1,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,4,2,5,12,1,1,6,0,16,3,2,3,1,28,26,11,0,4,6,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,3,27,5,13,18,4,12,0,2,0,0,9,7,1,3,6,84,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159452923786424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654004077986229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308757205087767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039146560058286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634953961937916,0.0,0.12290658866092465,0.0,0.13110369420758128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212774467088819,0.1042136460528946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270322215589512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069855566701768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123259582717797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801694826844277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169888009317032,0.0,0.0,0.07126751006009471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380311367523369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695444457416013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737889693220558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345172386879162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604704750127787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598107325495724,0.14870192959821646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968038965330848,0.0,0.2550036242344596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938266976193912,0.0,0.0,0.11580903002384467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808008151565198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774988289831455,0.14061899191679098,0.0,0.10619926411733632,0.0,0.0,0.2072518572647252,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InteractiveNeverUsed,2019/02/04,"I like that BPD is almost at the top of my subreddit list so I can always get here fast. This sub has helped me so much and I’m forever thankful to be able to connect with others that understand. If anyone ever wants to chat, feel free. ",1.2526530612244926,3.379523244897964,3.1626122448979617,89.84310204081629,81.85714285714286,6.3689795918367365,20.00408163265305,7.554174236665415,0.669070204081633,185,5,39,3,5,62,43,49,0.0,0.792,0.20800000000000002,0.8761,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,10,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,6,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,26,8,0,0.3223340917629927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227710318375498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26820778599252826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22538349160161825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059685047356794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915696399746465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298180185116648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840625909714366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605374719768888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574761555115252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23695264568174496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967619247443548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33556115724757235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012099871015886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sparrownails,2019/02/04,"How can I deal with husbands list of complaints? I'm in therapy working on getting my BPD better, and practice some skills from DBT at home. But my husband is really unhappy with me. I asked him to list some reasons and this is what he came up with. What are your thought on how I can deal with this and is this common for ppl to feel who are with someone with BPD ways of acting in a relationship?

Husbands list of complaints (my writing, he talked)

1 I am in a bad mood 40 procent of the time and the rest of the time on the verge of going into a bad mood any second. 

2 Difficult to get along with and deal with. My mood swings won't work in a job environment so he's worried how I can get a job, am currently home maker.

3 His reason for saying mean things to me infront of the kids is that my way of acting is so unusual and unrealistic that he feels he's it's always exceptional circumstances.

4 He thinks I'll get mad if he does what he wants, that I've ruined his career by not allowing him to be free on the weekends, that he's in a bad mood at work and no energy due to his home environment. 

5 After he comes home from a work day I find problems and instigate conflicts so he has a hard time first and work, and then also at home. 

6 I make bad decisions and don't listen when others might know better. 

​

So those were the things we went through, I just wrote them down and didn't try to defend myself. I wanted us to vent this when the kids weren't around because I don't want us being hostile infront of them which I feel often happens with my husbands pent up anger towards me. And we have 2 sons and I don't want them feeling uncomfortable at home and their role model being a man who is constantly angry with and snaps at his wife. I want our home to be harmonious and loving. Mainly I would answer all his complaints with that they are probably valid from his perspective and from mine they all boil down to me being sad so then I act irritable and angry. So yea I do admit to being irritable, upset and probably seeming controlling. And these things are all due to various BPD issues like not dealing with sadness, fear of abandonment, paranoid ideation (I think he doesn't love me enough) etc. 

I do feel I've changed since I started therapy and DBT but that he doesn't see that yet, it's only been a few months. But like all this weekend and last he's still annoyed with me and I guess I am annoyed with him too. ",3.1657988959397407,4.627867132796784,4.385231388329983,86.32037713460251,73.84909456740442,7.350957024196461,25.620853325078677,7.969615865706242,1.3908388691121092,1923,64,399,28,39,632,233,497,0.142,0.816,0.042,-0.9869,3,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,5,1,6,10,18,28,5,2,18,1,38,3,0,9,4,97,74,42,0,8,8,6,6,2,0,3,0,2,7,3,26,45,1,3,17,2,1,7,11,17,0,2,8,9,56,8,68,57,12,53,0,4,1,2,61,22,0,7,24,270,82,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055570994217982415,0.05782110763921785,0.07529220485205974,0.08443775294459645,0.04725546924065105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186068392972718,0.06496361326962469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320844313241717,0.042360357119341316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291622023524948,0.0,0.0,0.2625600355737768,0.0,0.0,0.07947785646886579,0.0,0.0,0.07351102912411014,0.05985933794331639,0.0,0.0750938225871122,0.07793875637303199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044815193432829616,0.2865638654882602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081102100399495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180157312927897,0.07749953242687813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819538127107409,0.17568073710456153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351244830337205,0.05910801631674178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452222782920287,0.0,0.0394926733980913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655088522879333,0.0,0.0614496296887268,0.0,0.06224924103249749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879277773681554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725293314619701,0.13791587327770094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818979481398629,0.05664348845089495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789844451939786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543457440873176,0.0,0.04638500301961399,0.0,0.0,0.07569479960779656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371773125842845,0.0,0.0,0.0554661216030276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285014920834467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498435858470257,0.0664923852231405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044516966307625784,0.14289424335435125,0.0,0.07460607462863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552611041938397,0.0,0.0,0.05537439989630619,0.0632609339640083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057482707815248814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588785098642289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918526134796921,0.0,0.055494670271517464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585329541053609,0.0,0.0,0.15893535990824986,0.0,0.13849787157841298,0.08905255801771778,0.0,0.05516716518711533,0.12156024105829025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717903506747837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717542570362007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049345191493049,0.11031558964944158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441777123363332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529471296454557,0.07057029836808715,0.0,0.04936358349044728,0.0,0.08443775294459645,0.0
bpd,SadElvenMermaid,2019/02/04,"too many feelings/anxieties/self hate that just feels realistic i want to be confident, instead i end up coming off haughty/bitchy/entitled.  i struggle to have enough self awareness in the day to day social moments, that when i end up coming off in ways that dont feel true to myself. that sicken me to think i am that way. like i dont even know when im being genuine and when im not.  i dont often notice that im being such (haughty etc), and when i do it hits me like a brick wall.   then i lose all the belief i had in myself in an instant.  i no longer feel like i can be a functioning member of society when i become certain that the persona i give off is hollow and vain and the only people that like it are equally hollow and vain people, so i dont deserve more because i cant be more.  then i judge them without judging myself.  or i judge myself too harshly while idealizing them. it honestly depends on the moment.    


i developed agoraphobia from this fear of others and fear of myself.  that i dont know what they think of me, that i dont know how to view myself, and i only base myself off of what others see me as.  i mean others perceptions are going to shape how i get along in the world, so of course that shit matters to me; but i think its wrong to base my self-perception on others opinions--well, on my perception of others opinions since they dont usually state things clearly, i make too much assuming.  i hate not knowing.  its just another fear among too many fears.    


i feel like the curious cat that's also the cowardly lion.  thats, that feels so brilliant, and now that goes straight to my head.  i really am, im the damn curious cat posing as a lion but beneath it all im a coward, trying to be something i cant.  like the arrogance deflates or pops like a balloon when im actually tested.  talk the talk cant walk the walk.  thats what i struggle to control about myself.  i put on a face for the world but because its fake, well, its fake.  i cant walk the walk because im not even being my fucking self.  cant be real because real is overwhelming.  real is not knowing what is real.  that in itself, perhaps by its very nature, inevitably, is overwhelming. well i mean thats not how real always is, but thats how it is when it comes to the things that make me agoraphobic and anxious and crap.    


like with socializing.  sometimes i think i can really read between the lines, i really ""get it"", and then i lose it all so quickly.  maybe its an attention deficit thing in that aspect.  ugh.  i try to base others opinions of me when im uncertain off of their behaviours towards me.  if they hated me they would do certain things, if they like me they would do certain things. but thats not certain either, so i feel im deluding myself.  i guess that all comes down to trust.  taking someone at their word if i asked them, which is often a socially weird thing to do, it still comes down to trust i guess.   so i go through all this shit just to remind myself that i need to believe in trust.  why cant that just be natural. fear again.  im too afraid of the real things because somewhere along the way i got hurt.  traumatized.  i feel like i traumatized myself, because i have no majorly traumatic events in my life.  ""micro-traumas""?  ruminating and psychological self harm can lead to trauma?  i want to justify that to myself.  to believe thats true, but again, its almost like i need someone else to tell me because i cant just believe it myself.  but now when im in this mindset, even if someone did tell me i probably wouldnt really take it as true.  

​

i cant pull my life together if i cant get these essential basics down, it feels like.  ",3.540716141001859,4.816603284353743,4.969845392702538,83.23335807050096,72.61904761904762,7.79443413729128,27.377241805813235,8.296473431620573,1.834638095238096,2854,103,568,45,55,956,265,735,0.171,0.7070000000000001,0.122,-0.9928,0,0,1,0,0,0,97.0,0,0,11,5,46,58,8,12,27,0,51,8,5,9,13,117,99,53,0,13,27,0,8,12,0,3,2,0,0,3,69,20,0,1,24,1,0,14,26,32,2,0,3,10,97,26,75,83,13,78,1,5,2,1,23,33,5,17,39,414,166,3,0.0,0.0,0.04000059102845949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041045834809890665,0.0,0.0,0.032779904458718555,0.034107188665296766,0.0444129408924293,0.04980766518906532,0.0,0.04298187256022337,0.0,0.04630733817667276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038320369578386006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491101880122786,0.04527053325515961,0.0,0.13854599409523846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654744227242092,0.0,0.0,0.0459740737680127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052870666782196055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33628204170408416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03424211119310264,0.0,0.07261042609984565,0.0423539067509041,0.04571498682538165,0.08122106110464714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306272510731355,0.1658072988202545,0.11713382956040964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037894844510156525,0.06424717347619963,0.039321602476635235,0.046591430620469096,0.0,0.03278366380056219,0.0,0.09031080833958413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140821744252857,0.042067843161190006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388093228324645,0.0,0.487041786408956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263590321868334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057905280471273524,0.2403093076410615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171525542673413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547226476221041,0.08311540109059842,0.041180236120309535,0.08930084242986228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030132565171816592,0.060787532285716726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466676945736759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234989551862138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683498472863799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419444439440898,0.0,0.0,0.04120654337737857,0.0,0.0,0.0410013629858537,0.2799354100141295,0.10503766743001754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03266393850971295,0.0,0.2138089585555515,0.0,0.08415184711417395,0.03390757528686701,0.0,0.0,0.12535325605070596,0.10419276936725716,0.03155631278546709,0.040540425580232166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03273488291990606,0.0,0.0,0.08570386120428493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163916413234977,0.06589285338607456,0.0716546061616666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906248000643116,0.10505964072460904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055659405908776334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045144991824053474,0.033821265958537634,0.048354247049507186,0.0976085061974401,0.0,0.0,0.07371035171204636,0.0,0.03698734344025418,0.0,0.0,0.03951315795960608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058236624099599815,0.04481642596189354,0.04980766518906532,0.0
bpd,laurasaur107,2019/02/04,"Non-issues are my downfall Simple things that aren’t even real issues cause me to blow up, either angry or sad. It can little be something as little as my friend or parent saying something slightly than how they said it earlier and I freak out. I asked my so earlier if he could randomly post cute photos or anything sweet on social media just because I think it’s cute and it always makes people feel special. He thought it was dumb and I shouldn’t want him to do something like that just because I say he should.  Rationally I was like yep you’re right, but BPD brain took over and I got angry at him for it. But by time I finally realized I was being dumb he already pretty upset and doing the thing people do when they’re mad which is says things they know hurt the other person. 

It’s great. I love having freak outs or meltdowns over something so stupid and small. I am currently freaking out that I royally messed it up between us. I am not good at being stable or happy. So here’s to hoping the  cliché about it being better in the morning is true. ",3.9276428571428568,5.408332466666664,4.8125595238095285,83.93598214285716,71.95238095238095,6.773809523809526,24.55357142857143,7.1686216300943375,1.0942142857142856,838,24,157,8,16,272,130,210,0.191,0.611,0.198,-0.2488,3,0,4,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,2,1,10,25,4,1,4,1,21,2,1,3,1,37,33,21,0,6,12,1,1,2,1,2,0,4,0,1,17,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,7,6,22,14,21,19,1,21,0,2,0,1,19,15,2,8,6,110,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918960186596382,0.0,0.10495177997976728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379574224591402,0.0,0.11791622687525136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377757575982742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115533464229658,0.0,0.0,0.1588586141526894,0.14080482747049633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957212563820766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070599629882332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330887874722845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377603895908589,0.0,0.0,0.13817124555006613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744913266943037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579338787494133,0.10087914028599186,0.13906077886213225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426966975949298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527735901536627,0.0,0.0,0.1350267239992199,0.0,0.0,0.26329770384797385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931875065069515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324327397240907,0.2528344430027759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383889372496155,0.0,0.08419397050729381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005446145765085,0.0,0.0,0.17488784757163586,0.11013344169879688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207994192660262,0.12832140801891395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356562702299178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771588667808504,0.11998024646561906,0.3009152618614198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857550821016098,0.0,0.3884097547802675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513891334676668,0.08082017845479486,0.0,0.10013457747908212,0.07354847963966198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013709505491792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517210514709158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439581648356054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,charming_joker,2019/02/04,"Ex unfollowed me Instagram is basically the only place she and I still really contacted each other. But that was just likes. I noticed she hadn’t liked anything in a while. I searched briefly through who she followed and I didn’t see myself. So I unfollowed her back. 

Now I feel like trash. How do I distract myself and get away from feeling this way? ",2.441082089552239,5.23889808955224,3.3508768656716437,85.95527052238809,83.02985074626865,6.932089552238806,27.777985074626866,8.07648339933343,2.2367925373134336,280,13,52,6,8,89,54,67,0.034,0.815,0.15,0.7506,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,10,7,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,14,3,4,7,1,9,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,7,41,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438900581862196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27845256832584325,0.22789285302534096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997105953684795,0.21172921846702145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548428708128867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343792232196445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374230838972495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22540532823354534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096471264846445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986439116708712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361712307595856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668418263970986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524741241679745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pizza543211,2019/02/04,"Tips of University and BPD Hey all, just want to start the little questions by saying I love you all and your not alone. Anyways I’m a grade 12 student planning on going to university next year and as most people with BPD everyday day my career plans change going from wanting to be the best Dentist in the world to becoming a police officer. I’ve decided I’m going to do business as it is broad and won’t screw me in the future with lots of different kind of jobs. So I was wondering any tips on studying and managing uni with BPD? Do you guys think this is a good career plan? Also I know what you guys are going to say and tell me to take a year off to throughly think out my future (Not an option as I am kicked out of the house if I’m not in school) Thank you all for reading this and hopefully some of you guys can help me out",5.027241379310342,4.666491724137934,6.11554022988506,82.20848275862069,68.54022988505747,9.258850574712644,28.894252873563207,8.841846274778883,2.00611908045977,656,20,140,10,10,220,105,174,0.02,0.866,0.114,0.9484,2,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,6,0,4,4,7,1,0,10,0,10,3,0,0,3,34,28,13,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,4,13,0,0,6,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,2,15,6,32,25,7,24,0,0,0,2,16,12,1,8,8,93,19,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133997096521975,0.0,0.10346393124117807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798180937893317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288837680603794,0.0,0.0,0.13577474262146474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888430349244306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686528682447086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343842245661956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351729846298071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29411510824963405,0.10851653859957047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843151361308316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671967427266254,0.0,0.0,0.12850203248348124,0.0,0.14928540609520413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283881873149358,0.0,0.0,0.13472778742628075,0.07110303424210418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967123534149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999296508117927,0.11676913796956938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759549125870096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969475428860182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144933517801912,0.0,0.1294135010706126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577393530860574,0.0,0.13093793847481727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157476071462703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972765226876204,0.0,0.11308250233555114,0.1191143305041188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658010238840512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262157027484904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030545285257304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663101068437666
bpd,Eccentricity700,2019/02/04,Does anyone else have a problem where your perspective on things changes so much that it sometimes changes every hour or even every few minutes? It usually happens weekly but right now it's just bad. I'm losing my mind I cant tell what reality is who I am or what my true opinions are ,3.1926315789473665,5.2263798421052625,4.175298245614034,85.4324210526316,75.14035087719299,6.665263157894738,28.94385964912281,7.554174236665415,1.8007291228070181,229,10,44,3,5,74,48,57,0.165,0.774,0.061,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,7,2,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,3,4,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501025559530715,0.2199552240555349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924084221353093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541857011954287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878595398826402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932959831043002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417877943730793,0.0,0.3617381917753706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983235223964534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114071314298674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401613005381467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675593858298955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780746630520778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541060958173735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833273742330176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123145443234623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876314177534132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426174948766628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23642915017359956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219567018048915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,porcupineprickles,2019/02/04,Disassociating How common is it for one with BPD to dissociate? Especially from being a living person? How does it feel to you guys? Have you found anything helpful to stop it?,3.3234375000000007,6.408879468750005,5.598750000000003,69.17125000000001,82.4375,6.95,23.625,8.07648339933343,1.9529125000000005,141,5,23,3,4,49,26,32,0.063,0.83,0.10800000000000001,0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803334003399324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290481913333571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981130603278832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224746867992413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735151027112745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373060517972936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283366034178362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008082125965029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083941184489834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974503725732431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28480624817492894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oki98,2019/02/04,"DAE feel like they deserve to die? I was at a party earlier today, where you would think most people would be having fun. Instead I couldn’t stop thinking about something negative my FP had said about me earlier that day, which resulted in nothing but suicidal thoughts and self hatred. And on top of that, I wasn’t thinking clearly and accidentally misgendered a trans person who was there who I didn’t know. I feel absolutely horrible still and genuinely believe this makes me so much more deserving of dying. I am the worst person alive. I was already upset at myself for being upset over my FP’s honestly, and this was the icing on top of the cake. My self worth has gone down the drain. 

I left the party early and now literally all I want to do is down some sleeping pills. ",4.972995729103111,6.52085634228188,5.8484319707138495,77.25817571690055,69.46979865771812,8.90811470408786,29.65283709579012,9.339509955726095,2.7311422818791957,621,24,111,13,11,204,102,149,0.184,0.63,0.18600000000000005,-0.5579999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,2,8,6,0,2,7,0,17,2,1,2,2,25,28,8,3,4,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,4,7,6,0,1,7,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,10,3,17,3,16,13,6,19,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,2,7,84,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924541361933529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964884651590616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247322128450032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619982019961854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636320994040947,0.124591006070736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584537996831616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894855190134679,0.0,0.0,0.085202764847482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641299098098873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820366667214494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673409814201816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090662371290373,0.30455775580928546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589381954006924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638733350164606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452540500204244,0.0,0.0,0.134261221461952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927563068346366,0.14580575414014696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907646984689678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352443880072693,0.0,0.13845368729756774,0.0,0.0,0.16531029210601772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102865317565392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24777673927207802,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slimyarrow15,2019/02/04,DAE feel they can really relate to Halsey's songs? I've always felt a strange connection to her songs.,3.1165000000000016,5.641849650000001,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,77.5,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.4129999999999998,83,2,16,2,2,26,18,20,0.10099999999999999,0.899,0.0,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510196850709139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348380838236429,0.0,0.6358345834702899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242347778634195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rfcaballes,2019/02/04,Why do I feel the need to either self harm or have sex when I’m triggered? Somebody please explain. Why can’t I have normal urges or healthy urges like taking a fucking shower and calming the fuck down? ,4.312166666666666,5.793546550000002,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,71.0,5.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,3.1291,0.7655833333333337,162,6,31,0,3,49,33,40,0.149,0.619,0.231,0.426,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,9,11,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,11,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,2,2,2,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488546321191923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443256772321802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438262120676452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828968495851409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884439633593581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231565982801332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071175186716104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134791812758525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5312902329428884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bolndieland776,2019/02/04,"I got diagnosed today. help? well.. I finally had enough courage to get the help i really needed. 
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. There have been some really fucking awesome and amazing, loving times.. But there have also been some very bad, cruel times. I never knew i had a mental illness, I always thought that it was normal or a ""girl"" thing for me to act this way (sexist, i know... but i was just being dumb.) Things within the past few months have been horrible, I feel so bad for what I have put him through. Multiple times he has encouraged me to go get help, but i aboslutely refused because i was nervous and didn't think i had any real problems. But then, recently in a breakup we had, i lashed out, everytime he left i felt so abandoned. I would quickly start to think back about how every other person in my life leaves, and people just leave after spending a certain amount of time w me until they just cant anymore. I immediately started getting very, very suicidal. I had a plan, i was finally ready to go through it and he started freaking out. I was stubborn about it but then i realized how much I really love him. And how much people actually do love me... but I forget it, and i can only clearly remember the traumatizing things. I can only clearly remember when people leave, and when people have hurt me deeply. He was very adament about leaving this time. He said he still loves me and wishes it couldve worked, but he has waited to long. I talked to him about how i was feeling, and after i talked to doctors and stuff i mentioned to him things i talked with them about. I asked basically if he could still have hope for this relationship, and if he could stay with me during this time and as i start getting better, going to DBT weekly, being on a shit ton of meds and also going to talk to a normal therapist and going to groups weekly. I basically asked if he had hope that things could change, when im more than willing to put in all of the effort that i absolutely could to just fucking stop reacting, visualizing and making things out to be way deeper/ child like than they truly are. And he agreed to stay, and hes excited for the person that i have the true capability to become. 
Reddit, im just wondering, do you think this is a good move ? I was in a voluntary psych ward today and was supposed to stay for a week but then he broke up with me and i flipped and discharged myself lol. but i do wanna go back for a week or two in the morning. I do wanna stay somewhere to stablize myself for a little bit. 
For someone dealing with BPD and has been concious about it longer than i have, do you think i can actually change? Do you think if i put in maximum efforts that I can be healthy, and happy? Do you think this relationship has hope?
",4.059910211739478,5.486075584249086,5.0776512105780425,82.37751139104796,71.54578754578755,7.7444116858751,27.41963727329581,8.25429008570747,1.816871044402752,2183,77,423,33,41,716,237,546,0.11699999999999999,0.7120000000000001,0.171,0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,1,4,3,5,30,32,6,1,19,1,59,11,1,6,6,103,103,54,1,19,20,0,3,1,0,2,4,1,0,4,26,31,0,5,16,0,1,11,3,14,1,1,26,4,69,18,65,67,11,70,0,3,0,6,50,14,4,12,40,313,95,3,0.0,0.0,0.11270049001804207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235641774927192,0.048048001003059115,0.0,0.0,0.03926820025036698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726696941196348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796651544683188,0.0,0.0,0.08880382207287855,0.09642839305878996,0.03520047547445402,0.06377419870627156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107026581024686,0.0630419742607225,0.0,0.07272710242384138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217192458954182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844169507982711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059531983468445175,0.0,0.058609392446023936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910388254981457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966544396318115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865218232368101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839464913254519,0.0,0.055443719221080864,0.126512425917185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676761106888648,0.12067634913844605,0.0,0.1969049803976372,0.0484332977269384,0.04618350479223406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147003155666572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611464548264562,0.0,0.0,0.17205977848469056,0.0,0.0,0.0618166187501062,0.0,0.12474781127949533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031734834811162675,0.0,0.0,0.2445721029466589,0.06273950447050923,0.0,0.04078660662227231,0.0282110172528192,0.05787510022863456,0.0,0.05110201347156815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846645120029605,0.0,0.03854486298532382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414105677284397,0.0,0.05819281523005765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218212432203482,0.061373202656330936,0.08489761708641194,0.04281677157416035,0.04453607299091605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315458440878938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783449940180765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551236031758123,0.16013089967916214,0.10084043773691652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525363180227835,0.0,0.17414733799593768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572581610845793,0.1109777032540544,0.0,0.05701566947889052,0.12399183948388433,0.13082639085724893,0.0,0.054928187055414295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592738392224202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892667775697013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634872511490973,0.2461915652910065,0.09222957088638624,0.04827693858258125,0.0,0.0,0.06610357009421439,0.06316304652050206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565117850418933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704574704458129,0.2301770458650852,0.2220018383420662,0.0,0.04584263630481882,0.2020274886722957,0.0,0.10946995701417712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640792859066954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058084636028502,0.0,0.091669699501473,0.18527643099785085,0.0,0.051919187590500085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664032577623698,0.0,0.06262138341692816,0.042038641026248526,0.0,0.0,0.04101999435678204,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nymphlotus,2019/02/04,"Something I've heard/noticed but don't Feel So from talking to/reading about other borderline peeps I've noticed that there are people who, when they feel abandoned or hurt, seek out validation from another source. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships, I've heard a lot of people who are borderline talk about kind of looking for that ""rebound"" person, or cheating, etc.

But I don't really feel that or get it. When something starts to go south in a relationship I don't feel a drive to seek out someone/something else. I honestly just feel this deep emptiness. Like, I don't want anyone else. Even if I was approached by another person, I couldn't bring myself to act out my pain by leaving or cheating. It makes me feel even more empty because I feel like the interaction is meaningless. I'd be craving my partner the whole time, and thinking of them and hurting. Because I want their attention, not just any attention.

Does anyone else feel that way? Or do a lot of people feel better getting that validation from another source?",6.492558788361897,7.797331751295339,6.52435233160622,74.72884814667202,65.6839378238342,9.461777600637703,35.05340773216421,9.661875296680813,3.5266551614188915,840,39,142,17,13,267,106,193,0.18899999999999997,0.726,0.085,-0.9715,0,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,1,11,11,2,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,0,36,32,14,0,4,11,0,9,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,12,6,0,1,12,0,0,6,6,6,0,0,2,11,15,5,20,28,5,18,0,3,1,0,14,6,0,8,7,89,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708052647778296,0.3275371316266608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560644384767168,0.21336677298458046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269413403406957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208580148602234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969028010108288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111623506838544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26093704654946115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612147761560343,0.13754073932041214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738164354832777,0.0743834479231279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879695018731636,0.0,0.05917387429793464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292552397944493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842510206357636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024819316901943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173568095823872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743469321819827,0.0,0.0,0.1770384371780443,0.0,0.0,0.0695010011179596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185414680640386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079116863956497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655138277165856,0.1818273781011364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104148315132568,0.0,0.06670202702813616,0.0,0.0,0.22357212627447906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404703089653361,0.0,0.0,0.07369677010664105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737564704384925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671598072042198,0.0,0.0,0.06071329021378726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282551098234586,0.08264571974170387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116246416563512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mxcuxs,2019/02/04,"Help! My therapist haven’t reached out to me it’s been three weeks I’m so scared! I can feel myself spiral. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go look for another therapist. I am really comfortable with this one! 

Idk what to do for the time being. I’m scared of myself. Any advice will be appreciated ",-1.0846853146853128,0.9023369230769234,1.9637762237762253,91.50804195804196,102.84615384615385,6.055944055944058,15.139860139860144,7.348242739294969,0.37976923076923,240,6,54,6,11,84,46,65,0.129,0.6809999999999999,0.191,0.5084,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,11,0,0,0,0,5,18,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,2,8,1,9,14,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431243479125349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919243944879725,0.2608883509998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580068699990368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139869648844122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667653045779494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367338987519563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892922418215745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859322705464275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938756396831738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981841353440794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5777516374478449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507720168076932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674860615841578,0.0,0.19957224378140545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Moldydrpepper,2019/02/04,"I Just found out I don't have BPD For a year now I've thought I had BPD and even have been dx'd a few times. My severe suicidal ideation and black and white thinking. Panicking when I sent a text. When I saw it on google it all made sense

I attached myself to the disorder and was proud to ""have it"". But as the months go by, my emotional maturity is getting a little more stable. And that's a good and bad thing to me. I fell in love with the idea of being BPD and having gone through a personality disorder. 

People still don't like me and I still can't keep jobs and relationships but maybe it's not BPD. Maybe I'm just a loser who can't grow up. My dad says I'm not borderline, I have borderline traits. Idk I just feel lost without that diagnosis because I've been through more emotional pain than most on my life.

Sorry, IM A 21 MALE, and I feel I have no purpose or motivation or social skills. I wanna die every day, it's just so hard. 

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bpd,Sarahj119,2019/02/04,"Is it worth it? Right now I’m in so much emotional pain and my ex boyfriend did tell me that I can go to him when I need to but is it worth it to do that? I need to talk to him, our emotional bond was so strong but he was dealing with sex addiction. I just couldn’t deal with the lying anymore and I think he will be lying every time he says anything to me, but I’m in so much pain I don’t know what to do. On one hand I think I need to just be out of his life but then I feel bad also because he went through a lot with me and he stayed and tried to understand as much as he could about bpd. That’s why I also feel like I should stay and try to understand him more. It’s so hard and I want to hurt myself so much and I already have. I don’t know what to do ",0.04053333333333242,1.1842487485714308,2.176000000000002,100.24133333333334,81.5142857142857,5.80952380952381,18.52380952380952,6.42735559955562,-0.4531333333333336,581,12,159,5,15,196,89,175,0.152,0.728,0.12,-0.8755,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,2,0,18,6,1,0,0,33,34,22,0,7,6,1,4,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,10,11,0,0,8,0,2,2,3,4,0,1,4,5,24,2,24,24,6,13,0,1,0,1,17,5,0,1,5,108,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790018196669615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959236265953814,0.20231888807715992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545083338367696,0.0,0.0,0.10409608691933912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561954295198672,0.07711127424964485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931828944915205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099740044427137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608252895442914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845837445619876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657900847753476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792116422516364,0.09036933810593567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189104569331886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331628493040898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354174390367127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903866452978347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934842971780069,0.06179994613488515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075430544952908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719588071497882,0.2813873197027337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571750440966898,0.0,0.26920302453007244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080275747310533,0.0,0.1005953313571978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696575124799306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167333500079916,0.11056377743940753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621080814921001,0.0,0.0,0.07376130045119343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176604539345794,0.0,0.0,0.2633752567237644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746110891597076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726379950370025,0.11414368530549406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,youmakeme_sick,2019/02/04,"Bf watched the game with friends instead of coming over. I've been crying half the day and I feel abandon. Its so bad I didn't even watch the game. I'm so upset. We only see eachother like every two weeks and he skipped out this week. 

",0.3398639455782302,2.655704244897961,1.321530612244899,100.13358843537416,88.18367346938776,3.2666666666666666,20.41156462585034,3.1291,-0.6574925170068031,184,6,41,0,6,57,41,49,0.23199999999999998,0.669,0.099,-0.8205,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,2,2,4,3,2,4,4,0,6,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,0,4,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635043512062844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718527204672264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466606426511581,0.20352935183674245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844412637126009,0.0,0.2658980686353521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595717158141246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438239432623764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418126471404048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400203098302314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251484259152782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30828543657494645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062942997934187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThrowedThrow,2019/02/04,"I don’t know how else to describe this feeling other than a desire to jump out of my own skin. Stream of consciousness vent. I feel like my “fight or flight” instinct is being triggered and it’s making me act out of character. I feel like Im not in control and I cant calm down. I have this dread over going to work tomorrow. 

I feel overwhelmed but I dont think anyone would understand. My employer has been giving me more responsibility and I feel like Im hanging by a thread despite them saying Im doing well. I feel like panicking almost constantly even in my time off.

Im extremely irritable. Im fighting the urge to call myself a stupid fuck delete all this and continue seething inside but I need to do something and this is all I can think of. This anger and rage is so draining I cant relax. 

I feel like whenever i bring up something im having trouble with, people dismiss it saying theyve dealt with the same or worse. I could be interpreting it wrong in this hysteria. I just feel like i cant talk to anyone about this. 

Im thankful im not physically ill but i dont feel mentally healthy and all the stigma surrounding that is so crippling. I work in a field that is very “macho” and being incapacitated by your own mind doesnt have any place here. 

I want to call out of work so badly but im on my own on this project and my timetable got cut two days shorter randomly. 

This feels like some kind of manic episode but instead of delusions of grandeur, it’s just this dread and despair and anger that cycles. I have moments where i feel ok, like i can get my head above water but then something sets me off and i spiral again. All the while i have to keep up this facade that everything is ok. 

I feel like a defective human being and i want to get sent back to the manufacturer for repairs. I just want to quit my job but i need the income. I wish i could just vanish into thin air. ",1.3239909392932674,3.7115189974026,3.0426396858955016,89.1955209906373,83.70129870129871,5.867109634551497,22.20024161884627,7.215322853602372,0.8213479311386291,1494,51,309,22,43,494,192,385,0.20199999999999999,0.654,0.14400000000000002,-0.9884,3,0,3,0,3,0,26.0,0,1,1,5,16,32,8,3,11,2,31,5,2,4,4,76,64,28,0,10,15,0,14,9,0,1,1,2,0,1,20,19,1,2,18,1,0,6,9,16,1,1,3,16,45,16,42,54,10,38,0,2,0,1,12,21,1,5,19,201,65,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367812164360058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043244685986452265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892989753733918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889826087589184,0.053096596628038666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986891982472534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687202736420713,0.07132374515978754,0.10154594655475356,0.0,0.0,0.041011527312433765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490585123218051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312288888719752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200186314477358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715231690399805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858478232654485,0.3634406405363793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058789704961771334,0.06644830666048679,0.061003163836860774,0.03614075338388165,0.0,0.05086026733489805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526365577675293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6182116703458687,0.0,0.06310516780680846,0.05652342001087495,0.0,0.06622119847303427,0.03494845593866601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796101978726761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424481001309852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408569797562752,0.0,0.06420971077541669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430520522319663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044086630079823566,0.0,0.0664400211297226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763783417653432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114169371410918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468684995798116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111277615373673,0.0,0.058546895721952576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149426869839861,0.0,0.0,0.03708095971024001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062120065179888925,0.06620143099097171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246999355289912,0.11252448536609874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717677280108865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312756918072134,0.0,0.0,0.13888702453026106,0.0,0.06480559888000037,0.045173875141081996,0.06952778125358529,0.0,0.0
bpd,BrokenRecord33333,2019/02/04,"Does anyone need a pal I know I do currently feel like I am going through life metaphorical wringer. My boyfriend of three years and the only person I talk to besides my mom is not ""at a place"" mentally where he can handle my mental instability. That's what he said when I told him the blades in the top drawer are triggering me. I get it this illness is more than enough for me to handle. He's depressed because of the way I'm living and I'm just struggling to convince my brain to keep living. Weird to say but I feel like this subreddit would understand. 

We got in a big fight 2 days ago, since then I haven't been able to eat a normal meal, I have to forcefully eat as I'm not hungry and all I want to do is avoid my heartache and reality by sleeping and self mutilating. I feel powerless to my illness. It'd be great if I had some online friends to talk to during the day to feel more connected to life. 
Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope this finds you in a good place. :)",2.486470588235296,4.10008137254902,3.84,88.905,75.9607843137255,7.152941176470589,24.25490196078432,7.928766900206844,1.1501254901960785,776,25,169,12,17,255,127,204,0.102,0.738,0.16,0.9267,2,1,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,1,0,1,3,13,1,2,11,0,15,9,2,1,1,29,35,11,0,6,5,1,4,2,2,1,4,2,0,2,7,7,3,2,7,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,6,24,8,26,27,5,19,0,1,0,0,17,9,0,3,10,102,31,1,0.13077401880922973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592327722159967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914402345988022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971862806554783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598705455579775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867684693461232,0.0,0.11263547077534268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144412251305182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26762893802285703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351245195286783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644930929182421,0.18684997033439646,0.0,0.0,0.11952508402052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103568253303126,0.0,0.06832402732924439,0.0,0.07432188857773135,0.10968704244588423,0.10459192927571263,0.1441788174100184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988810805520656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623795662085235,0.0,0.0,0.07186998070150119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473911386432307,0.12777915987869928,0.0,0.23095170899928086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635789051644375,0.0,0.0,0.15316095028935262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969672779154683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813077247979746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945953420739828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114186829035169,0.273262031649159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308094081159621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439603883655576,0.10399674864187483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642582237176631,0.0,0.0,0.10817761974041716,0.0,0.13086846224163215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671339854303202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832578711709176,0.2102224053741372,0.0,0.12039914647600153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625538202446311,0.0,0.0,0.12496017916967612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361403655738878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713390453167814,0.10380232910123507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289811087217703,0.0,0.0,0.08421418051851755
bpd,cowofkeeta,2019/02/04,"What is BPD like? I want to say that this is NOT asking for diagnosis. If it’s still against the rules feel free to remove but that’s not what this post is. (Also unsure if I used the correct flair). 


What I want to know is what it /feels/ like to have BPD and how that ties in with some of the symptoms. Not ‘what are BPD symptoms’ or ‘how do you know if you have BPD’ - more an insight into how it feels to have BPD and how it manifests for different people. 
I’d like to hear people’s experiences. ",1.738547008547009,3.3489773846153814,3.212820512820514,92.60995726495727,78.03846153846155,6.160683760683763,21.170940170940174,6.937597516519254,0.2815119658119656,384,10,88,4,9,126,57,104,0.024,0.853,0.12300000000000001,0.8176,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,5,1,27,19,12,0,5,8,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,14,4,0,0,6,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,5,13,19,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,5,4,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220289111007526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194772414376564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8048081888530965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352546789412664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501448526869136,0.0,0.0,0.19386098266305749,0.0913014865780412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404168838534226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404728310449028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731221465659748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772030715580327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223986024963702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016329596766134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206252061465007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26566958770374355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037954634405432,0.0,0.0,0.15076138651148632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Broekn_Toy,2019/02/04,"4 days of being cannabis free and I nearly melted down completely I was going overboard with weed for the last couple weeks. Having to hit more and more, just to feel normal. I had to stop before it turned into something destructive... well that was the idea anyway.

Day one was okay. Day two was torturous for me. Nightmares were back in full swing, suicidal thoughts were echoing through my brain again and this time they were making sure I could hear them loud and clear. Day 3 started to convince me that they might have been right. 

That brings us to today. I broke past the suicidal thoughts but not the destructive tendency. I fought with myself over staying here with my family or making plans to leave them. Nothing dramatic, like disappearing. I was going to tell my wife that there is no way that I'll ever be able to live here and heal. So long as I felt they were in range of me, I would always feel on edge. It built and built throughout the day and I felt like I was actually dying inside. My heart felt like it was crushed and I felt emptier than I ever have.

I gave in. I micro-dosed a rice sized load in a small taster pipe I have. It was enough to push me back up to a point of normal again, or so it seems. It wasn't much and there was no real ""high"" to speak of. I feel like such a fraud and failure though. If not weed, then it's gambling or sex or video games or some other innocuous thing. Addiction is hell and I'm tired of this hyper compulsive nature to want to explore every facet of the things I enjoy, in as quick a time as possible.",3.1132481389578146,4.914642751612907,3.6767741935483897,89.93823821339953,74.70967741935483,6.833746898263028,22.24565756823821,7.61054688173877,0.7767965260545906,1223,32,254,16,26,384,178,310,0.174,0.764,0.061,-0.9901,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,5,1,19,16,5,0,11,1,27,6,2,2,4,52,50,25,3,6,10,1,7,4,0,2,3,4,0,0,17,15,0,1,12,2,2,6,5,6,1,2,24,11,33,11,40,20,6,46,1,1,0,1,13,16,1,9,26,177,50,0,0.10053211807806206,0.0,0.09810484531181098,0.10959484780304933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365077570101488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460598664943925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554542794406003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222709174275314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540601310126027,0.0,0.0,0.08026671591243252,0.11123687650192968,0.0,0.3241744967286428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433646659052236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387655190374663,0.0,0.0,0.18187411274797424,0.08470264539546621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477273379461287,0.0,0.1524961786573077,0.07182016524223454,0.3861063955853145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426943893466585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330700352576535,0.11913104396577985,0.0,0.10621770234576536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348852449866248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194709407668026,0.0,0.10644899735274073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645965927804507,0.0,0.0887717020967136,0.08896776093782187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342119389235939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066486903219398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739026741611367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700026145351085,0.09646327866211883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812316500136051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959692821517808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503534643601172,0.11333485790470595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114427559654453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858538795405041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152066457597102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739453605139893,0.0,0.0,0.07115715061162438,0.10715386164727522,0.0,0.0840493522435212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199316403087358,0.0,0.0947503315398262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786950233269801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335781443086229,0.0,0.09877229558225284,0.15962254441484255,0.11724217301839165,0.1155468808587329,0.09529269302597676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935007594450584,0.09820527147417728,0.0,0.12092775985469145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929644793980547,0.07979771594544521,0.08064080111833907,0.0,0.09039044757419408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141513227527621,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Loopy_doop,2019/02/04,So recovery... I feel like I'm having break through. You just have to suck it up. /s ,-2.6950000000000003,-1.7962766111111073,-0.06833333333333158,103.56750000000002,120.66666666666669,4.022222222222221,15.611111111111107,5.985473137389443,-0.5131555555555556,63,2,16,1,4,21,17,18,0.147,0.7120000000000001,0.141,-0.0352,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504443479843909,0.7127237101299241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874030043625131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rjt_atx,2019/02/04,"Feeling incredibly lost My FP and GF just threw me out of the house, has blocked me from communicating with her and I am now effectively homeless. I do not have a support system. I had enough money to get an air bnb for one night. Nothing beyond that. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel like I am losing control completely.",1.5630277185501065,3.8375609104477633,3.817484008528787,84.74089552238807,81.68656716417911,6.216631130063965,24.49680170575693,7.447530270364453,1.2296712153518126,259,10,53,4,7,89,55,67,0.142,0.7559999999999999,0.102,-0.3921,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,0,12,17,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,3,2,10,2,8,14,1,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286236536176364,0.0,0.30619402965539605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820831898680097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27607519201057684,0.1950320927782583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263184535928647,0.0,0.15515285812040747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150067001886557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003430526706904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337458346924214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054184819654233,0.29801302991314793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25619310756760416,0.0,0.26195198869664976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499266037723988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097984962895251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ughleavemealonethx,2019/02/04,DAE feel isolated/forgotten during the Super Bowl and other events/holidays when their FP is busy with other people? Any advice on self talk or skills I can use to feel less...stupid...when other people enjoy themselves without me?,6.655772357723577,8.565308073170732,6.432682926829269,73.28528455284554,65.82926829268294,8.393495934959349,25.861788617886177,8.841846274778883,2.254213008130081,185,5,27,3,3,58,36,41,0.0,0.82,0.18,0.8156,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35051899979189644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392935202556806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627405593799534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973569752237909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374203942908269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883107157100149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098029668084754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457754905391437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Freckles225,2019/02/04,"Bad day Oh dear. Hurting bad.FP sent my stuff back today - last ‘excuse ‘ to talk to him gone. Feel so devastated, cut my legs to bits. Why do I feel everything so intensely. Want to die :-( ",-0.9655212355212373,0.8496873513513563,1.4606177606177615,94.00513513513512,107.91891891891892,5.357528957528958,16.096525096525095,6.868970318607317,0.24012277992277964,140,4,31,3,7,47,30,37,0.385,0.53,0.085,-0.9508,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,1,4,4,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075729224653206,0.4507896819896157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947126943374705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409376993211784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801628288690665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426113573964741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729870785703785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288984323227748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200431972095148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30902524034577233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169735309907047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558786138837324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592219972514603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24358558161616506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dinerdrive,2019/02/04,"any tips for focus/productivity? I'm starting a DBT program on Monday. It's 3 hours, Monday-Thursday. I know that I want to prioritize my health first, so I'm proud that I've decided to do the program. On the other hand, I'm still in school and the next few weeks are coincidentally super packed.

Does anyone have any advice for how to not lose my mind about this lol. I typically spend hours doing nothing online because it distracts me from the emptiness/endless boredom/fulfills my dopamine fix. I really can't afford to do this anymore, but other than emotional eating and wasting time online I have no real coping mechanisms for the constant feeling of shittiness. Wellbutrin has helped with focus and motivation immensely but I am getting pretty anxious about this.

Sorry if this comes off as whiny :(",5.5535714285714315,7.823247979591841,6.285459183673472,71.81757653061227,69.20408163265307,7.8931972789115665,31.97789115646259,8.59863814320734,2.9553768707483004,651,29,100,11,12,213,106,147,0.10400000000000001,0.748,0.149,0.5985,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,5,5,4,0,1,6,1,9,3,1,2,0,17,18,9,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,5,1,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,2,10,2,18,18,1,15,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,10,66,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919695623752016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494095752066157,0.0,0.0,0.2071673678138728,0.18186382904414605,0.12822366183271736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178683488393927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796575812804384,0.0,0.198168790756405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604772014774518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876436701866336,0.0,0.206277981874684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272251173741633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598305844546062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580855751029678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949245198778632,0.0,0.0,0.1229158463270917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611850092407897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078093239618532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515547646727988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851616715826469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950268655954432,0.0,0.0,0.17595819580655486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656353475995305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087267530877664,0.11747801719764707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855904978765632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527905981126493,0.12979741113934995,0.0,0.1464476214188545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693043779392833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816236128331802,0.0,0.14709649174251366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,funandbames,2019/02/04,"Russian Doll on Netflix Sweet baby Satan this show hits close to home.  I don't know which of the showrunners has BPD, but it feels like they put my mind to film.  The two protagonists almost perfectly represent me when you smash them together.  The shows not overtly about BPD at all, but I'm sure a lot of sufferers will see it right away. ",6.016818181818183,6.370874772727272,5.863181818181817,82.41477272727273,66.42424242424242,9.630303030303034,30.13636363636364,9.516144504307137,2.442890909090909,269,9,54,5,4,84,58,66,0.061,0.758,0.18,0.8385,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,1,2,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,12,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,6,4,8,6,2,7,1,1,1,0,3,5,0,2,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24649369517434025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312754352071452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6200598380034531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446589880062615,0.17585676239741976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469185635945221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352831054467062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026134827806165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927644019812647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24855144069248314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745880281144264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021930601703226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961576598331592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320028989696257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404625641497783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NightOwl715,2019/02/04,Bad at comforting people? Not sure if this is bpd related but I just suck at comforting people. I have a friend who talks to me and has really intense emotions/reactions as well. I just don’t know how to react and my mind goes blank. I really feel his pain and feel upset as well but I don’t know what to say?? He called me crying and I just panicked. Maybe it’s because i don’t have any long term friendships. I just don’t understand how I can be so emotional yet be so unhelpful when someone else is going through it? I feel like bpd experience should help me not hurt me here and I’m just looking for advice or insight.,1.5603425480769246,3.7489788203125016,3.3687500000000017,88.44740384615385,81.109375,7.063461538461539,23.12740384615385,8.139509932561175,1.3742456730769228,491,17,103,10,13,164,81,128,0.159,0.612,0.22899999999999998,0.8559,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,14,12,1,1,1,0,13,1,0,3,1,29,23,16,0,2,11,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,0,5,16,7,9,20,1,7,0,1,1,0,8,2,1,2,5,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624382077318665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304222247511066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879525661438072,0.10133237465538593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41872218435013214,0.0,0.16973959912702433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259604683797764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886398495270508,0.18698657819755066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260501282209486,0.0,0.0,0.252152920550599,0.11875487359557015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842902448824775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447244190231248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114205854744188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795284542849132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271151894214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121166919312961,0.0,0.0,0.14710847808017685,0.13959148481158445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700055836835695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784509460448116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688063130515566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23048615255167315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298261937200927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321929108922384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408462918266741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566699771185369,0.0,0.0,0.13360952175953694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305147949499655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298921789993544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,s8n_1,2019/05/07,"I am willing to replace everyone I am close to While I do love my friends and express to them how much I appreciate their company. I feel disconnected from those I love. I find myself isolating and slowly minimizing my social circle. Seems as if the last ones standing are my true friends/loved ones.  Even if I were to come to that single person, I'm sure I would still find something and push them away. I have been feeling extremely lonely and resentful against those who have left or have been pushed away. I am so guarded that even when established friendships hit a comfortable plateau I start planning how to leave. It's getting pretty frustrating considering it is resulting in me again  feeling alone and unhappy.

​

I don't know how to maintain actual relationships and it is pissing me off. I end up trying to pick fights out of boredom and hoping one of them will have the balls to come back and confront me. I want to be knocked down and no one is testing me. Out of this, I ended up trespassing, jumping a fence, and slicing my hand on barbed wire just trying to provoke some sort of reaction out of my friend who for some reason decided to let me lead our walk. I don't know if I want to be loved or constantly tormented.",6.768589511754065,7.0872555907173025,6.795265220012058,76.49553797468356,64.82278481012658,10.315732368896926,35.91591320072333,10.125756701596842,3.6077356238698,993,45,183,21,14,317,143,237,0.113,0.705,0.182,0.9568,0,3,1,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,4,2,13,15,5,0,4,0,23,5,2,8,2,50,41,22,0,7,6,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,16,0,2,10,1,0,7,3,6,0,4,3,4,34,9,33,31,4,31,0,1,0,3,17,13,1,10,10,140,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.12376570152485827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135541930754796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741793921051654,0.1541097385049648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383179089881084,0.09752279990245824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850195193085487,0.0,0.13705586611040516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466368854081345,0.0,0.0,0.16753721795523802,0.0,0.0,0.12118946051175007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238393854446625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23183674265384704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959737884496544,0.0,0.06626232506259504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259686873586225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394025560155156,0.10338163781909407,0.0,0.13429239699737452,0.1377988468882694,0.12969008525789494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434013007362057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323307409583093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34376737579838984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074120011887496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902953458789074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304001688181656,0.0,0.1361656634733696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545932537037101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928503700110042,0.0,0.09763828706062004,0.0,0.0,0.08976941593421406,0.0,0.10128489716648834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953376222619334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221559086102947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496127220602982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009487673567536,0.0,0.1541097385049648,0.0
bpd,dmumtexo,2019/05/07,"Only ever having one thing on your mind constantly, day in and day out. Context: So, I started a causal relationship around last year Christmas time with this guy. (Probably one of the worst things I could’ve done in all honesty) and I was honest to god obsessed with the idea of this guy falling in love with me. I would think about it all the time and neglect everything else. 

It wasn’t anything special, I fell hard for him and he never felt the same back. It put me into an episode that I still haven’t recovered out of in all honesty. I don’t ever cry over guys but I cried for a long time over this guy and I don’t think I’ll be able to move in properly. I was always bringing him up in conversation and the worst thing is, we never dated in the end. In fact, I don’t even speak to him anymore. I still, to this day, have this vivid memory of crying into my best friend and saying how I considered him my boyfriend because this was the closest thing to a relationship that I have had in such a long time.

Growing up, I always assumed that’s what girls my age thought about but I’m a lot older and that’s all I think about - I think about all my past flames/loves seeing me move on and they all silently wish I was back with them. I think about different scenarios of how we get together, songs that I would consider “our songs” and how me being with them would make a better person.

I’ve always been in flings, casual relationships or relationships so intense it burns out as quickly as it starts and I’ve always had this insatiable need. I’ve posted on this sub before about BPD with relationships in regards to not being ready, not being okay and wanting something you just can’t have.  

I’m just a little tired of these thoughts. I want to be ready for a relationship and I want to be with someone and I want to be happy, but I don’t think that’s on the cards right now.

I just wanna know if anyone has overcome this and these thoughts of wanting and obsessing over the idea of finding that something that doesn’t seem to exist in real life and only in your mind.",5.3885611510791325,5.4935706666666695,5.7713151079136695,83.39400863309355,67.75299760191847,8.686388489208634,28.910215827338128,8.364918446050245,1.831953553956834,1636,51,337,21,25,525,189,417,0.09,0.805,0.105,0.7204,1,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,3,3,3,2,25,14,0,2,18,1,32,3,0,4,11,90,60,29,0,12,10,0,2,0,1,3,2,4,0,6,29,32,0,1,16,3,0,7,12,5,0,2,13,8,46,9,65,37,11,68,0,1,2,1,31,31,0,5,29,247,75,0,0.07029335461867386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339588085038757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971211939388408,0.049150747951279515,0.0,0.05784544146919405,0.06257598866723127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081025015038506,0.0,0.04285017653621442,0.0,0.059814467430287135,0.0,0.07376853891695262,0.062168759831344775,0.0,0.0,0.08853201940668637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596214417105837,0.0,0.056123523840687965,0.0,0.2316418479809015,0.1360001955147261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734415943986342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193450710635005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872107793764576,0.0,0.06225904801911793,0.0,0.0,0.04642809777321759,0.1271687272461819,0.0,0.0,0.06317513458959302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749264390396617,0.0,0.06424685264997602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430847140818208,0.0,0.03672537653703715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27840589031182844,0.0,0.07482858309119624,0.06296903871638929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870528245590346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386313893683851,0.0572984659432827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965027518863676,0.0,0.0704524080547682,0.0,0.12441481366931262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976089638264748,0.06344249697915033,0.0,0.046921360044808916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195249956391615,0.0,0.0,0.1494214230330612,0.0,0.052121631765884434,0.10842913705955183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526519259185942,0.10692252745474756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671029608423897,0.0,0.061377445911943815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732160284677405,0.0,0.0757881253016251,0.0,0.0,0.07066423654658957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000922672985203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528125378411652,0.0,0.06003014076798309,0.0,0.05590009696143446,0.0,0.0,0.05601470271978079,0.0639924300110742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059559331257844725,0.1082305172160876,0.0,0.0,0.09950799639401607,0.0,0.11227272760020156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679912542774554,0.2702468599103269,0.0,0.16741521516996732,0.1639544814493296,0.08079187056397033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073042089605613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083388872864168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980314691870447,0.0,0.0,0.0452666157162662
bpd,bathwizard,2019/05/07,What is having an FP like? I meet the criteria for BPD but I don't recall having one. Maybe when I was younger.,-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,1.0083333333333364,98.52000000000002,103.16666666666666,4.066666666666666,14.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.7097166666666661,86,2,20,1,4,29,21,24,0.0,0.9159999999999999,0.084,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6940070358618933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26920699175084306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535869215068396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37339436270949583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,magritte-fan,2019/05/07,"i fucked up another friendship by bringing sexting into the mix for context i'm 23yo and M. recently i had been flirty with a friend (20s, F and lives literally thousands of miles away from me) that was strictly only a friend for a few years. i don't think she would have ever figured i would have been sexually promiscuous until the other day where i, regrettably quickly, started to sext with them. it seemed like it was going well at first because we were just complimenting each other and when i asked if she wanted to see my nudes and she said ""go for it"" with a kissing & winking emoji. she even complimented me with my nudes and then after i told her that i'd love to see her nudes if she was comfortable with sharing them, all of a sudden i was blocked by her. i know what i did was wrong in that i was all of a sudden hypersexual with someone i had only been in a platonic relationship up until this point and that probably felt uncomfortable to them, sure. also, what i did probably came off as sexually objectifying to her which would have been inappropriate and disrespectful. 

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like i'm not excusing what i did entirely of course and i want to learn what i did wrong so i could improve from my mistakes... but i just wish that if they didn't want to participate in this they would have simply told me they didn't want to participate in it, because i would have respected their decision entirely. i would never send naked pictures of myself to anyone without getting their approval first. i wish that instead of blocking me if they had an issue about it they could have discussed it with me. like when i've sexted my friends before that went well because they reciprocated it and told me they wanted me and told me how good it made them feel. i guess what i get out of it is the gratification of being sexually desired from as many people as possible, and the want to make others feel better. that part is the problem too, i've sexted so many different people in such a short period of time that now so many people have seen a vulnerable part of me, and this is just the first time the attempt to sext didn't go right. now i'm also getting paranoid worries that she'll spread false rumors about me. 

​

like what i'm expecting to get out of posting this to this board is like empathy or constructive criticism or advice or whatever. i just needed some place to vent about this, thanks",7.45131465517241,7.074864709051727,7.669951724137935,73.13022068965519,63.54741379310346,10.699862068965516,34.292758620689646,10.17224662633116,3.3234475172413798,1931,73,359,38,25,630,212,464,0.073,0.7609999999999999,0.165,0.9898,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,13,6,26,26,1,0,17,0,43,6,3,3,5,81,88,34,0,25,14,0,3,5,3,7,0,1,0,0,35,25,0,2,9,0,0,7,7,5,2,4,31,7,63,21,63,47,7,50,0,0,3,6,40,19,1,10,28,277,98,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282843110100153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920090018209355,0.0,0.242254940406192,0.18112067818812086,0.0,0.07814967714660234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211209117260062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967412847109762,0.0,0.07002202086487623,0.0,0.0,0.13629572689091346,0.0,0.06341830206241103,0.0,0.0,0.0659144410911088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524080024976734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900995664247745,0.0,0.0,0.04806474559437788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786646638534317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922540073096378,0.06741533531825017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536774283855079,0.0,0.07155909033347257,0.0,0.0,0.19018182557511829,0.0,0.0,0.17274170575836073,0.06890043843110866,0.1557523537459288,0.0,0.12706886801010028,0.06251100712363776,0.0,0.0,0.08210159416272889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778843730921255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040958938954195744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820544112439403,0.0,0.06581007019855188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726492117825146,0.07052071080802147,0.049748382161371535,0.2266807391432159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055261971381206185,0.057481008038929325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336463291768985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141430182776542,0.0,0.155006126162319,0.0,0.07786646638534317,0.0,0.07045356428430098,0.08401973577712578,0.07137774401549815,0.0,0.16070875256806558,0.07131375176375823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358794647946428,0.08001576523808587,0.0,0.06364696976546717,0.07089371266164572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877920140840288,0.06784798779458963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631477938802583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275168737643582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024227115954858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861587052777395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047754881969500014,0.0,0.0,0.08691638725328392,0.0,0.0,0.2848608723897553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637531989997412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402022400461455,0.06908870739880067,0.0,0.0,0.17140829610317945,0.07184285731756561,0.0,0.0,0.07568735461703177,0.0,0.31765763800413505,0.16297052739520693,0.18112067818812086,0.04799393912823929
bpd,SpaceBeer_,2019/05/07,"Evey time I close my eyes, all I envision is a noose hanging in my shed I have been putting myself through such hell and anguish, all I can think is taking that one final step. It's so terrifying to imagine, and I just want all of this emotional torture to stop.",10.126792452830188,5.936455358490572,9.661981132075473,72.99033018867925,61.45283018867924,12.864150943396226,43.481132075471706,10.125756701596842,4.200516981132076,206,9,43,3,2,67,43,53,0.315,0.635,0.05,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,3,11,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,1,1,1,8,0,5,7,3,8,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482331463801009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436512226965158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27001842118938874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005795835339359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33314472976018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996052164748135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553280600502417,0.0,0.0,0.23235522347359386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503214001471145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PM_ME_UR_LEFT_HAND,2019/05/07,"My life is taking a nose dive I know I post soooooooo much but this sub is literally the only place I feel like I can be honest. 
This post is borderline incoherent. 

My relationship is falling apart. I don’t have a job. I have no close friends. I have no way to cope with any negative emotions. All I’ve done for the past week is smoke weed furiously. I’m about to get my university acceptance revoked. 

I’m under so much pressure right now and it’s destroying me. I’m trying to give my boyfriend the distance he needs because I’ve hurt him, but I just miss having him around and being able to talk to him because I love him to fucking much. I know he’s questioning if I really love him and that destroys me. He feels like I only love what he gives me, not him, and I can understand why he feels that way. I would think about it too, if I felt like he had moved on quickly after a breakup. But it’s just so not the way it is whatsoever. There’s so many little things (and big things) that I love so much about him. I’m willing to sit here and wait for him to figure out if he wants to be with me, because I love him. I love the kindness with which he treats every person he meets, I love how passionate he is about the things he enjoys, I love how he talks at length about them. I adore his sense of humour and I find the tenderness with which he carries himself so beautiful. I love to make him laugh, I want him to be happy. More than anything I just want him to be happy and entirely satisfied, and if that’s not with me I will respect that. Because I love him. It’s so painful to know that he doesn’t know that. 

Idk. I’m just so sad. I’m trying to get back on my feet with my schoolwork, and a new job, but it’s so fucking hard when I’m under this emotional pressure. All I can do is lay in my fucking bed, smoke weed, and cry. All day, cry. 

When we got back together, we had such a great time up until now. Our relationship was happier than ever. He told me he had realized how much he would miss me, how much he would be missing out on, if he has left me. But now he knows that I did some stupid shit to try to cope with being dumped, and he’s ready to leave again. He thinks I’m below him, again. He thinks I don’t love him, again. Back to square one. I’m just so sad. I want everything good back and I have no one but myself to blame for fucking it up.",1.4569675715066488,3.0829793747495025,3.068625888139916,93.26145222262709,78.89979959919839,6.460211331754419,21.76175077427582,7.348242739294969,0.5052681362725449,1824,52,427,24,44,602,205,499,0.14800000000000002,0.591,0.261,0.998,3,0,2,0,0,0,58.0,3,0,1,0,42,49,10,2,12,0,39,22,3,5,4,82,93,40,0,13,19,0,5,3,1,5,3,0,1,1,24,26,0,1,18,0,0,2,10,19,0,2,9,7,69,30,52,72,11,49,0,6,1,16,66,20,5,7,24,276,93,2,0.06188019317527671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208065332142896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050922126449090784,0.05508649128880128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032819566166595,0.0,0.15088636563384328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594497306604414,0.039907605377398236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332492196249137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921377695177334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597417743495558,0.05213673162101798,0.0,0.05561392756804915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386545488356644,0.08841444473732983,0.059414689558407924,0.0,0.05655737550798165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780848374676274,0.228828965865579,0.06465969384659044,0.11872223975604675,0.0,0.051902170149542334,0.049491243345495366,0.06822313143201504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317452325851972,0.05543249857642316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662440266307304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281308691203476,0.0,0.0,0.0644386988113706,0.17003867931136873,0.0,0.0,0.0655221897780699,0.06723301094393977,0.0,0.04370781045442234,0.09069461008844999,0.06202021007166899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6143421933520425,0.0,0.04130550945207205,0.06273680339936133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576885234720503,0.27293437206066024,0.045883379158387,0.0,0.059764276168572515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386324073510854,0.09412535067619213,0.06584488841650815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907164627560694,0.0,0.05403139785033401,0.06465163134041843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185282395932473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931997830380791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03964203628098658,0.0,0.0,0.13287233890885647,0.0,0.052845346864055065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351912905215136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046526204182748165,0.09947391058846024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333135218628695,0.11895098752208662,0.0,0.0,0.0360828382678354,0.0,0.0,0.059129176396397476,0.0,0.12603776773035874,0.0,0.0,0.06441946341768609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599416478119956,0.14735285116988542,0.04963655840949417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583724949234138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187374140671895,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dbesinger,2019/05/07,"I have extreme jealousy issues in my healthies relationship yet. I don’t ever act on it, because I’m afraid my wife would leave me or get mad at me or something. But I get jealous of anyone she talks to. I have access to her messages pretty much anywhere, and it’s not that I don’t trust her, but I feel the need to check them all the time. It’s gotten less and less thay I do as we’ve been together but it’s still a thing I do. She works at a bar too and I get really upset when she works bc all the men she’s gonna be around. I love her a lot and I hate feeling like this. When ever i feel sparks of jealousy I try to just remind myself that my wife loves me and everything but it’s still hard. If you experience this how do you deal with it?",0.3235975609756103,2.071374347560976,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,82.96341463414635,5.319512195121952,18.78658536585366,6.322622252153567,-0.2355902439024389,579,14,139,5,16,196,96,164,0.135,0.7559999999999999,0.109,-0.0491,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,2,11,9,3,2,6,0,10,3,0,1,4,27,23,16,0,3,9,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,2,4,30,4,13,18,6,14,0,0,0,2,19,5,0,4,9,99,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225126697088445,0.0,0.0,0.15597629234232904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068079275243309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180636417263508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169795156291216,0.0,0.0,0.15746971756072992,0.1713914677679183,0.0,0.0,0.2657781479493364,0.12517186116769413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27462393431377186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695600501932172,0.17298609172505985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287635197110289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552476276178134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559998822497432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895942107105162,0.316272284833406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880136433575445,0.12991786541172232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825412554181674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224562856239463,0.0,0.0,0.18811267783604566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488716002099793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798498937885745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082918874826386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640341454272138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216783096056474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118957801605839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25511360647451936,0.0,0.0,0.12446594897524163,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JoeBeaumontA,2019/05/07,"Need Help - Partner in a dark place Hi All, 

​

I have been with my partner for over a year now and in the past 6 months her BPD and anxiety has gotten progressively worse. I've joined these groups so I can gain a better understanding myself of what I can do to help the situation. 

​

She has always struggled to keep down a job and is terrified about the ""probationary"" period which has always been her achilles heal. She started a new job back at the start of March after leaving 2 jobs having faced discrimination with her mental health. Back in December 2018 things got really dark and she almost attempted suicide. I've promised to stick by her through this and help her get better, however the support in the UK is hard to come by and she has been sat on waiting list for therapy since January. She has seen the adviser about therapy and they have advised her to come off her medication so they can asses her properly. 

​

She has just been informed at work that redundancy are going to happen and her department could be affected. She is also going through a probationary period as well now being told they are going to carry out an occupational health report with her. I'm not sure she can take another set back with work. 

​

This evening things got dark again and she has been saying how it would be easier if she just ended her life because then she wouldn't have to face this pain and be a burden to anyone. I try to support her as much as I can and try to be as positive and encouraging as I can. I'm scared I'm losing this battle and I feel like don't have anyone to turn to for help. I've only heard her speak like this before and that was back in December. 

​

I'm sorry if this doesn't read well, it's difficult for me to articulate everything. There is a lot more to her story ad past which isn't my place to discus. 

​

What can I do to help her? Can anybody recommend anything at all? Is CBD worth a shot in the short term? Are there any UK based charities or bursaries to help accelerate the therapy she desperately needs? Any advice or even just some support would be greatly appreicated during this difficult time. I have no one who I can talk to about this. 

​

Thank you for your time.",5.162404894327028,6.529230317241383,5.7786725991842784,78.625361512792,68.816091954023,9.199110122358176,28.74490174267705,9.536714749202195,2.565906192065257,1808,64,339,39,31,586,213,435,0.099,0.76,0.141,0.9643,4,0,0,0,0,1,57.0,0,2,3,8,23,22,1,2,19,0,51,9,3,2,3,48,83,28,1,8,8,0,2,2,2,3,6,3,0,2,20,21,0,2,3,1,1,6,6,8,2,1,13,6,46,14,57,60,7,47,0,1,1,1,52,17,1,7,25,241,66,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052194820203536565,0.0,0.0,0.05348566509159805,0.0,0.0,0.04271456530812541,0.08888822354897899,0.4051127197961403,0.4543207071179857,0.07264569783035223,0.05600846106343278,0.04086099825994927,0.0,0.0,0.07469558764521539,0.0,0.04395456247605161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428600199028498,0.0,0.03256022797706413,0.0,0.045450750808712616,0.0,0.0,0.09447937706623796,0.0,0.0,0.06727213206963926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920215891711922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042646142416346594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730829511108827,0.0,0.0,0.07055790991945067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800439463721712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027007349514017214,0.03815844413800757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02790622418040317,0.0,0.09106796094585784,0.0,0.08543892800006553,0.05888830852023321,0.0,0.0,0.04723317006356306,0.0,0.04784779018050095,0.0,0.0,0.11355159687869207,0.0,0.0,0.21481069658474905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590132584196562,0.04747616032793596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056556930847087725,0.0,0.0,0.03772736567140415,0.05219004236935978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975577617393986,0.0,0.045410044196392295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380824082547552,0.053828003882871865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263395512247802,0.0,0.03926489244512035,0.07921051206869606,0.0,0.051586860052157665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03619420781672111,0.04062319167889762,0.05683547533164202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197800240648618,0.0,0.0,0.11161097805968856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342771511695458,0.0,0.03421790254836542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424763687838261,0.0534759920094328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044184001233287286,0.06003874298845019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059791772379204085,0.07561236172251894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558391373772792,0.0,0.0584254379156324,0.18183820590198396,0.05034136611807751,0.0,0.04016012470666673,0.042931555716441576,0.0,0.04917575418231212,0.18324815596986005,0.0,0.07097079407249651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229140373948995,0.0,0.0,0.05103865960254561,0.0,0.0725281957943458,0.05809828967034395,0.0,0.05560508813977391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604987214206727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777709799206537,0.0,0.05443267590642697,0.07588649584259194,0.0,0.4543207071179857,0.03439638868759703
bpd,throwawayalleno,2019/05/07,"I am alone I feel so fucking alone. I’ve been working on myself for years. I overcame drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and an eating disorder, and what for? Those were the only things that kept me from feelings this gut-wrenching emptiness and isolation. They were my only friends.

Being around people makes the loneliness worse, as though I’m being teased and taunted with the idea of companionship and emotional connection. It’s all a lie. Everyone leaves in the end, or everyone’s just pretending to be nice because that’s what we’re supposed to do. Yet being alone is also unbearable. There is no place for me.",4.183051948051947,6.912653214285718,4.500551948051946,80.93081168831169,74.89285714285714,8.001298701298701,28.93181818181818,8.841846274778883,2.7364178571428566,488,21,83,11,11,153,84,112,0.26,0.67,0.07,-0.9723,0,4,2,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,2,0,6,0,11,4,0,1,1,15,17,10,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,7,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,8,2,12,9,1,7,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,3,59,16,1,0.0,0.37368128046635785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852605917917182,0.0,0.4899677513905512,0.0,0.1261071845487165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038036919108327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612830304680232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807300540238826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828740324693664,0.16135949829192714,0.0,0.17738361028040278,0.1396693577289965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013651956510948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946882684010286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183336498327375,0.1457848102060649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780164134698012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697431577246913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526142672816133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23986554904886845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109324600335916,0.0,0.16475581697138889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476434631967056,0.0,0.15493275542532026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480251814154326,0.0,0.1607028295031363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154924215536974
bpd,verdervy,2019/05/07,"Bursts of anger Are any of you NOT aggressive or have never had a huge burst of emotion. I feel like I am pretty calm and shy for someone who has BPD. When I want to yell at someone, I start crying so I never yell. I avoid arguments like the plague and when they happen, I usually cry a lot. I don’t throw things or destroy stuff or yell at people or get my voice higher at someone. I’m super passive and usually want to text everything since it makes me less anxious, it gives me space to structure my thoughts and words and I also don’t have to look at someone yelling at me. Of course this doesn’t work since people want to talk face to face so I ended up with not a single friend. Oups.",2.88895104895105,4.168002370629374,3.8380419580419587,90.70013986013987,74.24475524475523,6.5986013986013985,24.188811188811197,6.980632752743323,0.7509076923076923,541,16,117,5,11,174,88,143,0.141,0.69,0.16899999999999998,0.0661,0,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,1,2,5,9,3,1,4,0,9,2,2,1,2,23,21,14,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,7,17,5,18,19,3,17,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,5,10,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375918758787995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673650553764897,0.0,0.0,0.16070471398016534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916190967512816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125151489300201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001479589855067,0.12599339778324578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278472786784743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719270842967489,0.10162513825071036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990384624946373,0.0,0.0743210042875943,0.13646145790415345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579332166606372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899466791450674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194561832545151,0.0,0.0,0.1209378978539819,0.0,0.0,0.09495457718597254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942763070587248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972397966394858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472182472127346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235345299591496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821199651218214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068697620011152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284495682782346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433708537020185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450616924126964,0.0,0.0,0.11293251059348178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133418280723428,0.0,0.25171244173558904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035614365950709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadHouseplants,2019/05/07,"Does anyone else feel like they don't deserve to feel bad for themselves? I am absolutely beside myself right now. Last night, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument and I ended up slapping him in the heat of the moment. I thought I was in the right, what he said was just out of line. Even though, I was completely breaking down he started shoving me around and screaming ""What did I ever do to you to deserve this?"".

He's right. Now, that I'm completely calm I realize that part of the argument had been caused by me but, I also feel like he's in the wrong too. He tells me that I cause all of our arguments; even though his temper flairs first-- even when he gets physical with me. I know that because of my BPD I can't always tell, in the moment, if I'm being unreasonable but even after I look back at some of our big arguments I strongly feel that he exacerbates things and then puts all the blame on me. 

I really hate the way he treats me sometimes. He only ever blames me for everything and never considers that he may be at fault. He's an ass..but so am I. Does anyone else ever feel like they don't deserve to feel self pity or that they deserve to be treated badly?",3.4094166666666688,4.666575108333337,4.556666666666668,86.14166666666668,72.91666666666666,7.666666666666668,25.833333333333336,8.167268648758528,1.4747083333333326,926,30,193,14,18,304,132,240,0.179,0.765,0.055999999999999994,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,3,2,18,15,2,0,10,0,16,0,0,2,6,33,32,15,0,1,5,0,6,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,11,9,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,9,9,34,7,28,19,4,37,0,1,1,0,23,17,0,4,20,132,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488640513563145,0.08832352268524522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844210327219853,0.21752205268722585,0.0,0.0944940998793006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162115207343375,0.17725805827567154,0.06470675010811403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368951354199596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180861835861748,0.0,0.0,0.22258802291530846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578141486574695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734583254186095,0.0,0.09401549743295497,0.0,0.0,0.280438641186712,0.28805044881896397,0.0,0.0,0.09539885193892846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32202928382141743,0.2274961567614107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028931532419546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055457875656593415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489614027733038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104799035697822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058336087742292965,0.08652467310693189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557544769518591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891374682142979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186777328935012,0.0,0.0,0.09961257577346072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807302305872079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149477881350354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670791733930116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800103706216498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27194907687341474,0.10097092228955364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073536776429938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498294754056872,0.0,0.07513200150978358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555581625118395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051992142466453,0.0,0.2085794666319397,0.08426954385391229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425523033676753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605602132621487,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lilzenforth,2019/05/07,"Drinking and quetiapine woes. Obligatory long term lurker etc.

TL;DR got drunk, threw up my meds, dying today. 

Today has been... a whole thing. So last night I decide to have a few drinks with my friend, had a little too much threw up what would/should have been once. Drunken me, however, didn't quite twig that I threw up directly after taking my quetiapine. Real genius right here. I woke up this morning and everything was death. I have been throwing up the whole fucking day, like every half hour. I am dehydrated, I'm behind on work, and desperately trying not to throw up again. I've taken my meds, hope to god they stay down. Been so disoriented all day but all I want to do now is sleep. 

The worst part is I KNOW it's my own fault. I've been in a shit load of physical pain, panicking thinking it's never gonna end, but it was all avoidable. Will I be well enough for my job interview tomorrow? Who knows. Will I ever be able to go anywhere there isn't a toilet again? Probably but it certainly doesn't feel like it right now. Don't get me wrong, meds have been a blessing but is it too much to ask to have a normal fucking hangover? The last time this happened I was throwing up for two and a half days. If that happens again I just don't know how I'll deal with it.",2.1777075226977938,4.223464,3.5084289883268522,88.98160586900133,78.26070038910507,6.617963683527888,21.992380025940342,7.645422480735847,0.8490909208819715,996,29,209,15,24,325,153,257,0.125,0.777,0.098,-0.8742,2,1,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,2,15,16,3,1,11,0,30,8,2,1,6,31,53,12,2,4,7,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,14,6,3,1,6,3,0,7,7,9,1,3,17,1,20,7,24,31,14,43,1,1,0,2,6,13,3,2,24,141,34,3,0.11096787896532513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373998727002648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146953053671661,0.11440301063003602,0.0,0.0,0.11516713879734028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174125509465544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828460375181026,0.11465948255501505,0.12375851808040585,0.0,0.10037679955510267,0.09349522403366174,0.0,0.09973077436389306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610869381656662,0.0792754749052589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573350802088472,0.20517603198172735,0.057976136729079815,0.0,0.06306560287176856,0.0,0.08875114991723401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625705778397776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021614220429514,0.1092810080038388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110118497248467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295513265578933,0.18090726408450225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842660091676927,0.11121896703106453,0.0,0.09820308092880588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697808928386305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631483183346248,0.0,0.08558526921080091,0.0,0.0,0.10413583723868026,0.10872496067443843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181771694982849,0.0,0.0,0.11807764703630053,0.0,0.0,0.12016739917858348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964214200762367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802799858583644,0.0,0.12630574022297208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189531924636396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390693310663667,0.0,0.0,0.11104801864040226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827699423092912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834340348589921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737221279797477,0.07110373615441225,0.0,0.0,0.0647062626047249,0.0,0.21036914825121952,0.0,0.0,0.07533990569457458,0.0,0.10839949348566907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545173009235455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977344989634272,0.0,0.0,0.24778334794673085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078593750781655,0.0,0.0,0.0788283973929807,0.12132595561910388,0.0,0.0
bpd,blueariesxx,2019/05/07,"Misdiagnosed with Bipolar? Hi there \~ I stumbled upon this group while doing some research on BPD. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in November. I was put on anti depressants and ended up hating them and stopped going back. They didn't help me. 

​

I've been struggling again and made an appointment with my psychiatrist for tomorrow. I want to bring up BPD to him, because after researching it a bit more, I think it could be a possibility. 

​

How did you find out you had BPD? What 'determined' your diagnosis? I am not self-diagnosing but wanting to learn more so I can compare bipolar and BPD.",4.418589743589743,7.3475294273504295,5.559508547008552,72.56951923076926,75.23931623931624,9.028205128205126,32.82692307692308,9.516144504307137,3.8813538461538464,521,27,84,15,12,172,88,117,0.13,0.86,0.01,-0.8469,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,2,0,5,3,1,1,3,0,11,4,0,2,0,22,18,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,7,0,15,0,15,9,4,17,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,1,7,64,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737397965225438,0.3069902568969905,0.0,0.0,0.0966360294550935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713386605482092,0.0,0.07700475475020947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791097141398062,0.0,0.6363928453075118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085788527422283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088010044038638,0.2564284618621252,0.0,0.0,0.14477602376196466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118838499916536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545607350305953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717917372812137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247168808275116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467101346199765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952898666284255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240914140044786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269885597853279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178145746180578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561089773746177,0.0,0.1320592436339676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094207481199568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901604670125798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069902568969905,0.0
bpd,creepycreepercreepin,2019/05/07,"My very toxic ex-FP is trying to slide back into my life. Throughout most of high-school, I dated a girl who I was dangerously head over heals with. She was definitely my FP and I basically worshiped the ground she walked on. I stayed through all the verbal abuse, the cheating, the constant drama. My entire life revolved around her. I even got back together with her after she left me for my rapist, even though she knew what he did. It was like I was addicted.


Years have passed. I'm happily married. I have a daughter. I'm lucky. But. Things have been rough honestly. I have no friends. My social interactions are limited to social media. At some point, we became friends on social media. Several months ago, we ran into her while having a night out. Ever since then, she's been liking almost everything I post. Commenting. Sending me old pictures of us. Telling me how she's kept the stuffed animal I made her when we were together. Today she sent me a song and said it made her think of me. She's getting in my head.


I want to block her and cut all contact. But last time I did that, she became obsessed with me. Spread constant rumors. Constantly tried to get information about me through mutual friends. It went on for a year. And at the same time, I think I'm overreacting. Maybe she's just trying to be friendly. She has a kid too. Maybe she's trying to get mom friend. Or maybe she's trying to get to me again. Maybe she's got an agenda. Maybe she's trying to reel me in again. I'm terrified to have her near me in any way, shape, or form because she's like a vaccum. I feel vulnerable and weak when I think of her. I feel powerless.


My husband finds it funny. He likes the joke that she's still in love with me. He's not threatened by her and he shouldn't be. I'm madly in love with him. But I'm so scared that if I let her in my life, she'll work her magic and I'll get sucked back in. I don't know how to explain it or make sense of it. She knows how to get to me. She knows what to say and how to say it. In a way, I hate her. I hate that she can control me and confuse me and make me feel so helpless. 


I know I need to just grow a pair and block her. I know that will make things better. But since she's my EX-FP, I still feel like I can't let her down. It's stupid and embarrassing and infuriating. I don't owe her anything. Not a damn thing. But I'm scared of making her mad. Of setting her off. Letting her down. Unleashing her wrath. I hate that she can still control me. I hate myself for being controlled. Sorry. I don't know where this is going. Thanks for listening.",0.41424015009381066,2.7424748142589124,2.1310769230769218,94.38892307692308,87.91181988742964,5.156172607879925,18.70656660412758,6.67199483983844,0.03622761726078805,2008,56,445,25,65,656,236,533,0.152,0.722,0.126,-0.9481,2,0,0,0,1,0,80.0,4,0,0,6,26,38,13,5,18,0,34,11,2,13,3,84,88,33,0,4,13,3,5,5,5,3,6,5,0,2,21,25,0,7,17,3,1,9,8,20,0,0,19,10,103,18,59,60,6,69,1,1,0,3,80,27,2,9,33,291,124,1,0.0,0.07692684919006525,0.0,0.07077906694114543,0.0,0.0,0.05755309827745739,0.0,0.0650141422740302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415199592498525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342867427219622,0.057798022296063976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497725627334375,0.0,0.03957836722326261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574218872666786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048624860583848,0.21846053223530226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576619522642855,0.05872940315672452,0.0,0.0,0.05835142065407337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313144118703013,0.046383241414226464,0.0,0.0,0.059341308080039824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25080884123202024,0.0,0.20352734431798825,0.0,0.0368990168325176,0.0,0.103854717169993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640445317139104,0.13326588449769575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859802276632578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409022389552065,0.05292346285939468,0.0,0.0,0.0705424319947444,0.1991741054360696,0.13757774060681946,0.15859814186092236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719673737537273,0.12286935120596755,0.17335478810911156,0.0,0.3261351294722385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604070067326757,0.05182341884111342,0.0,0.0,0.04814190393270405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092877632441509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812905340197499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137618037717885,0.0,0.06218128686766099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175961912119503,0.10326373164347744,0.1300047684474737,0.06570871145723875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334804826102287,0.0,0.1074151340362827,0.0,0.0,0.1985520445896674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267948878677499,0.0,0.06920261762819571,0.1555502777810962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056748300785706474,0.059775258910331926,0.0,0.0,0.12940211069344093,0.12480613065181845,0.06378959468523811,0.0,0.07571789895914438,0.0,0.061542381178433164,0.0,0.0,0.2644834891092927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809814221540272,0.0,0.0,0.053570858214980865,0.03829511461748535,0.1030706824613342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060187174494446424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726699709812896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362060017459011
bpd,elily0812,2019/05/07,"Never understood self harm... until today I've never understood self-harm. It always sounded just so painful and terrible, until, today. Until I just spent the last 10 minutes getting screamed at and called names by the one I love the most. Today is the first time I thought, man, maybe if something sharp just went across my skin that would make this horrible feeling go away. I'm not going to, but this sucks. I get it now. I beg him not to yell at me, not to call me an asshole or a jerk...I already feel so low...and he does it anyway. *Ouch*",2.2430555555555567,4.271277194444443,3.2627407407407425,90.90633333333336,77.98148148148148,5.801481481481483,23.76296296296297,6.742157984588678,0.7248340740740744,419,14,86,4,10,134,76,108,0.11800000000000001,0.846,0.036000000000000004,-0.8284,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,6,0,2,3,1,1,2,22,17,10,0,2,9,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,6,2,0,0,5,0,1,3,5,5,0,2,5,7,9,1,11,11,1,19,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,3,12,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888908831413688,0.0,0.14242755307776025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082030228256444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495683999450598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979244216146329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730978774382984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559752441621915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788590239274684,0.0,0.1945602589174262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395267885248431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448804280833708,0.0,0.11425762579316626,0.0,0.17196375589137258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26403445585113283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598954842613104,0.0,0.1821374611010585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35713628692189336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177539955861414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589024265782332,0.09981088448129197,0.0,0.4867488070543505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867675155545385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159459918276365,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maroonxgoon,2019/05/07,Melt down I fucking hate have this disease. It’s taking over my life I can’t stop getting pissed at the wrong people and going fucking postal I’m tired of having to continually check myself and stop myself from having melt downs at work and in public. I just want to give up sometimes but man I know it would crush those around me but I’m so so  tired of living like this.,1.1984064327485378,3.673277934210528,2.2980701754385957,93.62704678362572,85.44736842105263,3.9040935672514623,16.339181286549707,5.033348758259628,-0.8091415204678358,297,6,61,1,9,94,55,76,0.22899999999999998,0.716,0.054000000000000006,-0.9037,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,4,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,12,16,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,13,15,0,12,0,0,0,2,3,8,3,0,4,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332616209763626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015378790022592,0.11346166874410032,0.20832798051468876,0.12342196196378324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440910478931646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119350223658556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339265673219987,0.10609764439596266,0.0,0.1917639176631514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505574143136181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478537135800108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631254709008107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328381570837608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992068874175234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280917104423433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810138097897633,0.0,0.0,0.15427039498036307,0.2374398530699524,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kat67820,2019/05/07,"Invalidating environment as a child Growing up I got in trouble a lot. I don’t even recall much of my childhood. If I really think about it, the memories I hold from various years feel like about 6 months of childhood. Why? I had a great mom. A great dad. An amazing dog, A sister nobody believed me needed help mentally. But overall, it was good. 
After much therapy and further educating myself on how the mind works and how people react to situations. It’s very conclusive my behaviors were from an invalidating environment.  Along side with having borderline personality disorder undiagnosed. 
My parents didn’t mean to be invalidating by any means. But , they were. You Express an issue pertaining to a friend, next thing you know you are banned from being friends. You explain something you knew you shouldn’t of done. When you’re being honest and saying “hey I did this, I know I shouldn’t of, but wanted you to know"" you get grounded. Those two examples alone can show you why a child may begin to lie, hide things, draw boundaries on what you know.  They were not able to get advice. Make their own choices until it was something mom or dad needed to actually step in on. To me it felt like I was being punished. I’m not going to be honest about shit no more.
Being the oldest of two, when there trouble its simple. It’s your fault or it’s their fault. But you’re older, you’re not the one crying simply because you are older and don’t react with tears as easy. So, now it’s your fault. They hit you? They threw some shit at you? They fucked with this or that. Yeah well it’s your fault. They are too little to reach. They are too little to do this or that. And there’s my favorite “you’re bigger and know better"" fuck off. When the little shit pushes enough buttons to send a rocket to the moon and back, and you don’t witness it….I don’t want to hear shit about it. 
A person with OCD knows damn well where everything they own is. They know what’s dusty and what’s not. They know what they own and what they don’t. They have a perfect inventory in their mind of every single thing. I could tell you every micro scratch on my vehicles. Things I own I know inside and out. Now, when a little gremlin goes in my room and moves things. Or steals my shit, I go to mom and  I hear “that’s not real. I know you locked your door. Don’t start Katie"" I’m fuming pissed. So I’m crazy? I’m fucking nuts? Invalidation. You’re doubting what I know, very well.
I cant tell you how many times my dad swore I’d never graduate and I was just being a punk ass. Well. There you go dad, graduated early.  On the A honor roll. 
Let me add I got my first job in a deli at 15 just to try and prove myself to my parents. I’ve always been a worker. Here I am, still the shit one. And my sister ….man….she never held a job. Didn’t get one until nearly 18. I don’t ever want to get into all that.
There’s so many more example I can rattle off of my parents being invalidating. And as I said, not on purpose. They had their best intentions in play. They are only human. 
For someone who has BPD, the invalidating environment  affected me a lot more than someone without BPD growing up in a home like mine would. 
If you ask me about my high school years, the only way I recall it is “well, I lived in my basement mostly. Had no friends. I couldn’t have friends because I was going against a felony charge of terroristic threats. I couldn’t leave my house. I couldn’t use the phone. I lost everything. I used to spend so much time in my room all four walls were covered in layers of those Tiny TV guide pages. I didn’t even have cable TV. I  didn’t have a cell phone but a prepaid I couldn’t afford” it was all down hill from there. I was constantly getting in trouble. Why wouldn’t I. I’m grounded from everything possible in life. Like a prisoner, over one mistake I knew immediately upon being caught was a real fuck up on my half. I was segregated from life. So yes, after time I snuck phone calls. I snuck people over. I borrowed my parents car once without having a license. I did all sorts of stuff just so I could interact with the world. 
Every story has different sides and I know my parents would have a different story. BUT, I was the one punished. I think I would recall it more than the prison ward would.
What my parents don’t understand now, in my adult life is the fact I cant confide in them or tell them personal things. I cant tell them anything about me but surface things. As much as they ever told me I could tell them anything and they would always be there for me (with all the intentions to hold true to that) with the invalidation during my childhood, it fucked that all up. I don’t feel comfortable letting them know me.  At all. I’m off the wall. I’m kind, warm hearted. I am also a raging angry bitch who will take no shit. I am careless and reckless all while being very caring and responsible other times. I am respectful and I am incredibly offensive. It just depends on the day. 
In my later 2o’s I began to realize I’m not getting into legal trouble anymore. So, fuck it. I am me. And I’m going to be me. I’m not in jail like my dad swore I’d be by now. I haven’t caught no terrible charges. I’m not in trouble for shit. So here I fuckin am in all my glory. Call me trash all you guys need. Cant change who I am. And that’s that. 
I am so incredibly tired of hiding. Tired of people who don’t know ME, putting their two sense in on my medications and therapist. You don’t know ME. You don’t realize I may play quiet, oblivious, short spoken, deaf, I might not be looking around….but fact is I know fucking everything. I know your mood. I know the mood in the  room. I know anything there is to know. I’m so incredibly in tune. You have no idea. So yes some medication have side effects. Bad stories. Some therapist are shit and pound fake shit into your mind. Fake diagnoses.  I know that. And I’m not playing that shit with any of them. I don’t even like help. I’m not taking some horseshit bologna help I know is just shit to make them look successful and it’s not working for me. Or isn’t me at all. You don’t fucking know shit. Nothing. What you may know is so surface. The shit in my head is beyond anything I’d ever openly speak or explain.  I was taught to act right and not say “ridiculous"" shit. Or as mom would reply “ugh. Oh whatever.” 
Invalidation from others shuts you down. You will slowly become a shut out and not let anyone know you. 
But on the flip side, you grow up and learn to invalidate your self. You wont trust your emotions, thoughts, actions.
Accidental invalidation is something I will always be sure to avoid with my son.  The best I can. I know mom and dad love me, but I have built an empire of knowledge to help be a better parent to my son than they were. And just as I did. I hope he’s an even better parent than I am. Life has no manual. We learn and pass it on.",1.0166523297490997,3.4101637870967743,2.782670250896057,90.44956093189964,85.32258064516128,5.508960573476704,20.08064516129032,6.937597516519254,0.4069569892473113,5373,160,1128,72,162,1775,474,1395,0.196,0.684,0.12,-0.9992,14,2,3,0,0,0,189.0,1,38,30,15,64,99,34,2,57,3,133,39,19,14,22,224,239,84,0,26,43,23,5,6,4,17,10,8,5,9,56,52,0,5,48,6,2,20,57,54,5,11,43,15,196,43,148,152,36,147,0,1,2,11,140,84,28,26,48,770,252,13,0.03051205066343345,0.0,0.029775360031288226,0.0,0.0,0.029816022775103344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031601282534301445,0.0,0.02440047589184745,0.0761654112641792,0.0,0.0,0.041498481507869917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03025975542553556,0.021334735264387082,0.0,0.10043527160320467,0.02716219402085236,0.028524648546234512,0.0,0.0,0.023461883563692745,0.025476287814759285,0.037199725763627456,0.033698162747689185,0.0,0.03437663251978313,0.06404102945468401,0.08095628782893065,0.0,0.0,0.0768577193712497,0.0,0.062312430358284834,0.0,0.03110906917294828,0.0,0.032277703848374084,0.0,0.0,0.03297268716258764,0.0,0.07308416899977759,0.0,0.03351605491826009,0.01967774847894274,0.0,0.0,0.030969089149764192,0.0,0.06375719756869193,0.0349694535003947,0.0,0.0,0.031224421386413462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03432195018661912,0.0,0.03152710472059109,0.0,0.08061168678877782,0.08279969001882842,0.07712315597369107,0.0,0.1096890548316389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03085561919995088,0.02179781509055285,0.029296353565402493,0.0,0.0,0.025953534707228186,0.0,0.0,0.09429413861661794,0.2256631933896805,0.09564772279916728,0.0,0.0867035077125635,0.02559206046204941,0.04880654848884336,0.0672792871468735,0.0,0.030211727254570823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03131416670751224,0.0,0.06877859729197161,0.036156926945964736,0.08180633757310041,0.0322376567537446,0.030606074615969838,0.030305350937783287,0.0,0.03520680983926247,0.0,0.03444439125944503,0.0,0.03184665361299105,0.06055700439360988,0.0,0.0,0.03177360544510738,0.4359842522246085,0.0,0.0,0.03230785606025429,0.0,0.0936019171741218,0.08620625492849343,0.08943988038565959,0.1223243622723282,0.02694269974249368,0.0,0.05124487580191636,0.0,0.03330750764187234,0.0518805087055877,0.027538316993741974,0.0,0.04073406149559634,0.061868860634002584,0.0,0.06647313617328049,0.0,0.06147536202574819,0.030748970557835407,0.0323684639745191,0.09242541948648007,0.17867672483574812,0.024354427737609246,0.032429481097605184,0.08971947199667654,0.06787289685043732,0.04706554895979482,0.0,0.03244991203222919,0.0,0.0,0.029277135526121455,0.0,0.0,0.03249433815094877,0.10337877593810148,0.046411578910404254,0.0,0.0,0.2710401712319457,0.0,0.0,0.06345964231368276,0.07992583720395673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03439775260316568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030673038401692707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945878718597523,0.01954680096070532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026057124551559733,0.02902394737022137,0.0485288147032044,0.0,0.03087982423203548,0.0,0.0,0.031830723272948135,0.0,0.4698027230409683,0.0,0.03429682335050775,0.0,0.0,0.05170552302356054,0.07046900185390181,0.0,0.0,0.02159658650424109,0.0,0.024366963073840568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034928998065467766,0.0,0.0,0.02875724665499878,0.0,0.04588252965468908,0.0,0.1333443857645642,0.0,0.03489318908521903,0.07085368507269132,0.14189595470649238,0.039101780085041636,0.0,0.02422315999763385,0.07116728845303871,0.07013822746728164,0.0,0.029155571974115856,0.0,0.02071567953686373,0.0,0.08941751977143149,0.03176412080589544,0.0,0.052705230356358206,0.0,0.075526911833347,0.053990394063799234,0.024219045597578148,0.0,0.0,0.13716998948200215,0.0,0.08259713963358076,0.0,0.0,0.05882505602896556,0.0,0.04442627255949813,0.0,0.0,0.13004931214681315,0.0,0.0,0.039297520500749264
bpd,BrittyBirb,2019/05/07,Anyone with BPD here a psychologist? How's the journey been like? So I'm curious if anyone here with BPD is a psychologist? What has your journey to get a doctorate been like? Have you ever been judged for wanting to become one but having a mental illness?,3.175102040816326,5.779462428571431,4.848326530612244,77.75738775510206,77.77551020408163,7.185306122448982,26.126530612244892,8.238735603445708,2.124988571428572,205,8,35,4,5,69,36,49,0.073,0.799,0.128,-0.3006,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,1,1,7,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,28,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680553505466923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906712679857701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6629539690755869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693848112896347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23806926870963174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750524558341534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571614327547479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652323311577581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783434907697178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523552840826685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SoupAlternative,2019/05/07,"I want hate my job and I dont know how to talk to my boss about it I really dont like my job. I pulled my boss into his office 2 months ago while I was riding that manic high and asked him if he thought I would be good for this management role. We talked for a bit, he told me to apply, did an interview and bang - a week later i have the job. The whole time during the process i was split. I wanted the job to do something new and for higher pay. But I also really hoped he wouldn't accept me for it for whatever reason. Now I've been in the role two months. There are times when I feel really on top of it and optimistic, but most of the time I'm feeling very stressed from it. I'm talking went from having panic attacks like twice a year to like 5 in the past two months. I've cried in the work bathroom, in the walk in refrigerator, in the office. I feel so overwhelmed by this job. I started meds a week ago for bpd and anxiety. I felt really anxious day 2 and I hadn't taken the ""as needed"" anxiety meds yet. I started to panic and have an attack while I was by my boss. I excused myself to the restroom and had a full breakdown. He came to find me to check on me and I just sobbed in front of him. Really embarrassing. The point is, I don't like this job. I feel like I need to take a step down into a position that is easier, more laid back, less overwhelming. But after my boss seeing me as this go getter taking this job and that he's been training me this whole time for, I dont know what to say to him to let him know I'm not happy with the job. I dont want him to get frustrated with me. I don't want to quit at all. I just want to stay at this company and take a step down. I just dont know how or what to say. This is a half rant / half seeking advice. Has anyone else had this experience? Took too many steps up only to realize its killing you? What can I do?",1.4879191919191932,2.7380719333333365,3.531178451178452,91.60484848484847,77.81481481481481,6.884399551066219,20.173961840628508,7.5764669431780325,0.3960123456790119,1443,32,342,20,33,492,189,405,0.185,0.767,0.048,-0.9962,8,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,1,1,0,3,14,21,5,6,25,0,31,0,0,7,1,59,67,26,1,11,9,0,5,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,20,18,0,0,14,0,2,11,10,12,0,5,16,8,50,9,54,47,8,57,0,3,1,0,24,20,1,4,30,225,70,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418873519600325,0.1164554128668514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052530000311982544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005009994066238,0.07420779678998475,0.0,0.045929991491221886,0.06730426077807104,0.0,0.0,0.0614086300478069,0.14945726104954135,0.0,0.05050937352136882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717133688873474,0.0,0.08273068198434085,0.0,0.0,0.07512861491605688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215426383961912,0.042362785804654766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849243276008584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487319567760996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642546495391588,0.0,0.0,0.1328536126413323,0.04692692218719608,0.06306997735420093,0.0,0.060036876722124585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03431883139459173,0.0,0.03733152834705717,0.05509527560095247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992520618578632,0.0,0.06485247395158299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940209391152054,0.0,0.06524217401630214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521474986600879,0.0,0.07267311321024958,0.0,0.14439978709929827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671695743442664,0.0,0.1604571486428857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659647301166005,0.0,0.0,0.1459272593891807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572925998237045,0.0,0.0,0.09741239770709748,0.0,0.0634410710980256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049958047241564434,0.0,0.15413946477377738,0.0,0.0,0.06270582949382203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209560075772931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698663831678997,0.0,0.0,0.21040439233957267,0.06753734347941187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044741366028521,0.0,0.0,0.052344164159070165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050569187062554574,0.0,0.0,0.09298742375631984,0.07001377552696382,0.0,0.0,0.07524442298623539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816571453923885,0.15839055967751425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214826988919714,0.15321085134614668,0.0,0.0,0.06276689896068978,0.07298085474958478,0.0,0.0,0.12833362656011066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419878857764917,0.19371995240217293,0.0,0.10538055952475314,0.0,0.0,0.060892657952572336,0.0,0.1466747427533584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782103680589248,0.0,0.0,0.046662275754545915,0.0,0.0,0.04230037916707622
bpd,-dva,2019/05/07,"DAE have terrible dreams about their fp? i’m pretty sure dreaming so much is related to my medicine (zoloft) but they’ve begun to turn into nightmares. they include him cheating on me, leaving me, etc and they feel SO real. sometimes it makes me afraid to sleep.",2.6468027210884344,5.535631265306122,2.766428571428573,89.77440476190479,83.28571428571429,4.899319727891157,26.534013605442176,6.42735559955562,1.1933238095238097,208,9,37,2,6,63,42,49,0.127,0.77,0.10300000000000001,-0.5187,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,7,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35288590956993915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998872448825138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33503736538454143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112091966028939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260113163651114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32190739231473864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36014907671672225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166431019996373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129421213633527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982170075611131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34416821445151435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayneverlogbac,2019/05/07,"I was just rejected from the only college I applied after applying last year and then just ignoring their emails for 6 months Bentley college. I applied senior year, got in, my (then undiagnosed) BPD decides to just ignore their emails and never pay or anything for a year now. 

Last month I got in contact with them and they said they would get to a decision whenever. Today he called me saying I didn’t get in but I can still transfer or whatever.

One side of me says “you fucked up BIG BIG time” and even though I’ve never even thought of killing myself, I feel like right now is the time. The other side says fuck it doesn’t even matter.

I know I won’t kill myself. That’s for sure. But damn. That’s my future out the window, all my dreams. Just like that.

They said I can go to community college for one semester then apply to transfer. But honestly, this is my asshole side talking I guess, but I feel like I’m bigger than community service. I went to one of the most expensive preparatory schools in the world, just for.... this? A bunch of mental health problems, and now no future ahead of me other than following my dad’s footsteps of living off his dad and never doing shit.

Ay least he had the fucking freedom to do that. Because even though I’m 19, my parents are still constantly over my shoulder and never let me leave the house because they caught me with fucking weed.

With. Fucking. Weed.

That made me get grounded for a month and lose contact with all of my friends, I currently have *wait for it. Wait for it* ONE friend. Yikes. When I used to have people begging me to go out with them.

I guess I’ll just do what I’ve been doing for the past year. Jacking off, playing videogames, and worsening my mental health because I’m way too prideful to go to a community college, and to see a therapist, and way too lazy to work for my parents multimillion dollar corporation.



Cheers to the gift of life",2.5199787775891345,4.964946309139787,3.4537011884550104,87.73739388794567,79.18817204301075,6.173853989813242,25.649688737973968,7.3759095455046575,1.3532247311827958,1505,59,291,21,38,480,180,372,0.122,0.75,0.128,-0.1039,3,1,0,0,0,2,48.0,0,1,8,4,20,24,9,0,16,0,19,10,2,2,7,55,51,23,2,2,12,4,2,3,2,2,3,5,1,0,13,18,0,4,6,2,3,6,8,14,0,4,12,8,45,10,51,36,5,60,0,2,1,5,29,19,7,5,36,198,58,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678611496622466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080854268488908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386098655773247,0.0,0.08420534130814179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911468740371888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786775320573126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339292597212808,0.11782512406709401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742353459679914,0.3811849038547574,0.1292526883856261,0.0,0.14059920470257464,0.0,0.13190857907306794,0.0,0.1816876001944973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753115370985764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515281050153354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824692134332208,0.0,0.04532026083653691,0.13443893499766985,0.0,0.0873178603641584,0.0,0.08432540492509091,0.05824702292473924,0.1208637764749374,0.0,0.07281754906797094,0.0,0.0,0.09225653587913286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780297803068487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662093772179296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746681888845946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254406422039846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223519963816744,0.06271786897621362,0.0,0.0,0.18313384661435148,0.0,0.07872157170639581,0.05717041056486179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789072645358283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042412095811064,0.15688499905182038,0.19673692946336435,0.0,0.08345834447615172,0.06571342577751196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846484902262082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171230398031356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772169230900927,0.0,0.0,0.06628173649308558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574748890679904,0.0,0.0,0.1620416486389099,0.06546749800752369,0.09617127400915666,0.0,0.07816657996124016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122273814972954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091275618527493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644529668296203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600350431272128,0.0,0.0,0.05858032206012054,0.0,0.0,0.21241740097780212
bpd,i_like_dolphins_,2019/05/07,"she said she is not looking for anything serious oh my fucking god i have not been this excited for a long time, holy shit. she is everything now. she will fucking love me. having a manic up episode now. ahhhh. so fucking excited. i am ready for the next horrible mistake. fuck it. i will be fine. FUCK IT. we will all find love eventually, but lets play a game once in a while. oh man i am manic now. she is everything. i fucking love her even though i know i dont.",-0.761565789473682,1.3119362842105249,1.879309210526316,92.16422697368422,101.94736842105264,5.74342105263158,21.72697368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.1446973684210526,357,15,77,8,16,122,61,95,0.11800000000000001,0.655,0.22699999999999998,0.9061,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,6,16,7,0,5,0,14,10,1,0,1,8,26,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,2,16,7,5,19,1,9,0,0,1,9,13,2,7,0,7,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301722339908438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095875904065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071025416626267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468605344807211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552416775135666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7617989317845943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547720704645221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404371009638115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153954083061536,0.11532907680967965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718579029899968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606019972410025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462601659910875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306396006702853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409751732457441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493359083458045,0.0,0.08008271605597485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shopguy12,2019/05/07,"It’s so hard to find value in myself outside of sexual appearance. I’m somebody with a lot going for them. I have a great job, family, pay, life, etc. Yet the only time I feel fulfilled is when someone checks me out or literally says I’m hot. Its disgusting and pathetic. Here’s the kicker - I’m a dude and I suffer mad ED from my BPD and attachment issues. I can’t get it up unless I deep down really trust and adore this person. Which is never btw. So here I am with the only thing that fuels me being sex and I can’t EVEN HAVE IT. That’s the epitome of BPD, jail cells that we put up for ourselves that can easily be fixed with the right key but it feels like the right key will never fall on my lap. Just wanted to share and see if anyone and in particular dudes relates to. Please share any similar thoughts",1.6226785714285723,3.605796625000004,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,79.77380952380952,7.057142857142857,19.42857142857143,8.07648339933343,0.8125642857142865,635,15,134,12,16,216,114,168,0.067,0.78,0.152,0.9264,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,1,0,8,9,2,0,9,0,11,2,0,0,2,26,22,14,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,12,12,0,0,4,0,2,4,4,3,0,0,1,6,14,6,19,18,2,19,0,1,1,1,7,10,0,4,6,87,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815438088744865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148841812841857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376582428448188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937745920230413,0.11475870439999936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637938501465079,0.0,0.175704095716258,0.12412537775556574,0.0,0.0,0.15880223238743202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077599195596847,0.0,0.09874481091656603,0.0,0.0,0.19155743127324254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564379431833514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134743750883475,0.17241776331426892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227231251554357,0.08488434041946788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771406479227694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680098450068758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26428588097267264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170977296207172,0.0,0.1907227778779752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746644084604224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130721327257884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29675913982662816,0.0,0.13817112935497253,0.0,0.0,0.1384544062707929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721584596178391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543023861246288,0.0,0.0,0.1379362506127009,0.10131366981479313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248088368033106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DarkwingDuck--,2019/05/07,"According to my family, I've always been a selfish asshole, yet they insist I show up to family parties.. When I dont, all it does is affirm their opinion of me but when I do show up, more times than not, I end up arguing with somebody over something I think is stupid and they think is important..(usually something trivial)",4.009047619047621,5.74372704761905,5.4319365079365065,78.56028571428574,72.17460317460319,8.84952380952381,31.647619047619052,9.3871,3.1574342857142863,256,12,46,6,5,86,46,63,0.109,0.838,0.053,-0.5315,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,8,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,10,0,9,7,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24511142894221355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577860726350795,0.0,0.3452417217402789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609075387609538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554014295859241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535591012731732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37750573515262814,0.0,0.0,0.1717700542523454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zomahd,2019/05/07,"Holding down a job tips? Am I the only one here that struggles with keeping a job? I just keep being somewhere else or just become emotionally unstable with other coworkers. Even when I work really hard, I get told it isn’t good enough. What are some your guys experiences like? Who has a successful career? Tips?",2.9333743842364512,5.8711259827586195,4.120738916256162,80.27672413793105,82.27586206896551,7.452216748768473,23.802955665024644,8.418075326091056,2.100371428571429,249,9,43,6,7,81,49,58,0.11,0.723,0.16699999999999998,0.667,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,9,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,5,3,3,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,31,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486726600143896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880931427713379,0.2532758451459857,0.0,0.23265152620106025,0.0,0.14871673221551845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202506856079224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176373413929366,0.0,0.0,0.18885438348662856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229448126378505,0.0,0.0,0.20170005056842735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44687514502833503,0.4002669257165344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000230256566912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257493646784726,0.17124510421431507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424391697745415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353871890469124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515100663882786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639199064740148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fredyouareaturtle,2019/05/07,"What medications are you on? How's it going for you? Benefits vs side effects? I have BPD and have struggled with bulimia and disordered eating for years as well (now symptom free, but the ED still messes with my head). 

I struggle with rumination, intrusive thoughts, obsessive fantasizing, anxiety, depression, mood swings, the works....
but I'm very hesitant to go back on medication (i've been prescribed SSRIs) because I'm very sensitive and have suffered intense side effects with everything i've tried -- specifically severe lethargy and bad night sweats.

So I'm just wondering what meds everyone is on and how they find it's working for them.",6.702132936507933,9.173453598214287,6.85797619047619,68.05924603174607,66.58928571428571,11.049206349206347,38.3373015873016,10.980518767755715,5.194550396825396,521,29,79,17,9,167,80,112,0.255,0.6920000000000001,0.053,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,2,4,8,11,0,3,2,0,6,6,2,4,0,20,13,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,5,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,0,7,4,12,11,0,12,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,46,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176177989843116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244057265149176,0.1438117335320149,0.10499483064176103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692803006592545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834854117896012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973999416683253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624271581442408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458101659873434,0.154796621465466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742262829534526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577391868255584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767661219351157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131785301979046,0.3470238068714715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616339177234091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458018218961204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754967858894546,0.0,0.0,0.3601216045685741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790214771271396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367379210115898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169384569350066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842291676100146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548628600792197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678502087804924,0.2507829758245169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091577760101633
bpd,BumbleBeePD,2019/05/07,"A poem about my BPD's role in relationships. I am the shadow

Of a promised land.

You will spill your blood to reach me

And I will break your bones.

I am beautiful from afar

My flora reaches toward the sun

But there is poison instead of pollen

Drifting down into your lungs.

You will swim in clear water

Unaware of rising waves

And I will sweep you out into the sea

To hold you close under high tide.

There is no escape from me

I have made a home inside your head.

My roots run deep into your flesh

Leaving scars shaped like love.

I will beg for you to stay

Just one more night under the stars,

And I will hope that you don't realize

They will collapse inward and consume us.




--Added line breaks.--",2.238746145940393,4.569381841726622,2.628905447070917,93.89850719424463,79.50359712230215,4.834737923946556,19.281089414182944,5.773587663045528,-0.2426406988694758,552,13,113,3,14,169,95,139,0.073,0.774,0.153,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,11,1,0,5,5,1,0,7,0,13,8,5,2,1,17,16,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,1,9,1,1,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,25,4,20,8,1,23,0,0,0,1,16,15,0,1,2,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337890671016346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753338217078816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834537262262843,0.2691078312957297,0.2664636798365345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28407096262037684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106860072681706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24213417946296845,0.2538540765014161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517636512993085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817942257789148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880335146559236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859519712127043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227091471384677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPD1224,2019/05/07,"Ladies with BPD Have you found any successful ways to cope with the upsurge in symptoms caused by hormonal fluctuations? This is where I struggle the most and feel truly out of control. I track my cycles very carefully (CM, BBT, physical symptoms, and LH tests), but awareness alone does not seem to be doing much to help.",9.025632183908042,8.621265241379312,7.818965517241383,73.43925287356323,60.3793103448276,11.1816091954023,38.298850574712645,10.504223727775694,4.004774712643679,256,11,44,5,3,78,51,58,0.065,0.7859999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.6461,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,13,8,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,9,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,27,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494302104342386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377460256516396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033205550353503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24554515032101065,0.24740168655831074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701145296941844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107544577706515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177232967947654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640607991293061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614251887843818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703986187814466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924518969634932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517707945459253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006351073113968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871233065294708,0.0,0.1911619135509202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mpshimek,2019/05/07,"DAE Have Visions of Self Destruction and Aggression Towards Others? Sometimes when I start getting upset I have visions of being stabbed, shot (like snipers), or shot with arrows. Almost like a craving or compulsion to have it be done for release or to just end it. Sometimes I even have visions of being injected with drugs (like heroine), analgesics, or euthanizing agents. I am thinking that I feel like destroying myself because I want to destroy the emotions and I don't know how to separate them from myself. This realization has really helped me defuse those situations and recognize the emotions as emotions and not define myself by them.

I will also have these episodes where I am just pure rage and intelligent evil and will go on dating apps to start attacking people and saying mean things (like I get creative with my insults and will try to guess their insecurities). It's kind of like giving up and wanting to deal out pain as much as I can to others. I hate that I do it and I feel so ashamed when it's over. But I just can't help but try to get even with the universe. Anyone else relate to these?",6.151936813186816,7.366722298076922,6.20236263736264,77.05692307692307,66.40384615384616,8.635164835164835,33.12637362637363,8.841846274778883,2.8442585164835172,890,38,155,14,14,282,122,208,0.14300000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.076,-0.9346,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,11,20,9,3,4,0,19,2,0,1,1,36,35,24,0,2,10,0,2,6,0,3,2,1,0,1,14,15,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,13,0,0,1,3,23,7,29,28,1,13,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,6,12,118,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052851614877764,0.0,0.0,0.10424230152249717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911450217688564,0.13356084150214753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829401083687965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946125819008887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438700032297213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333951666949058,0.0,0.0,0.15116672457263775,0.0,0.10889221731117332,0.4398847501235505,0.11545302001580332,0.0,0.0,0.17219229243148676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318195913293354,0.09312336461274684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431033403127852,0.12504534132731332,0.07408194195959092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359722319403315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869543316181378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747441514162341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574135905981974,0.07163795001518315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820998828311006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199134342368092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958235844842848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870352452278034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036953757095867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350671226977477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366099737651076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359853745396193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652090462555156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257842561591781,0.0,0.1845273749750084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659995556116447,0.08352418140855104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700065540497734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376975876106916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shoqer,2019/05/07,"Can I recover while in a relationship? I don't understand. I love my bf dearly and it hurts me so much everytime we argue. He points out that I don't care about his needs or feelings. I do. But at those moments my feelings are too overwhelming.  
I know that a lot of people have their symptoms worse when having a relationship. It's true in my case. But my bf is the kindest one to my disorder that I've known and I love him a lot for that. Leaving him might make me less triggered but that's not fair for him and I don't want that either. I just don't wanna hurt him constantly like this anymore :(",1.1536662531017363,3.3364176048387115,2.975161290322582,90.72120347394545,82.62903225806451,6.396029776674937,22.44168734491315,7.61054688173877,0.9519275434243172,469,16,102,8,13,156,79,124,0.174,0.7390000000000001,0.087,-0.7746,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,0,5,10,1,1,5,0,11,3,0,2,1,26,21,10,0,3,7,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,2,23,6,10,20,5,9,0,3,0,2,15,5,0,4,5,78,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934463703878342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184378381152698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542374114423208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725824968765105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287622448370025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38718581292295895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938490702643556,0.0,0.0,0.19148339559076308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834926488435328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30748731681219105,0.32643023028096435,0.0,0.1207120707241128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918426088174611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293817080042095,0.13409053134800772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254183014636436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537165130504382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095220518057344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883088572059623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879619502026552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882607653855008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666408778243436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429135841608105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TotallyGnarcissistic,2019/05/07,"Shoplifting? ​

Have made SO much progress in almost every aspect of my life thanks to medication, DBT and one on one therapy.  Managing to maintain some healthy relationships, respect boundaries, stop jumping to conclusions and keep my emotions mostly stable.  I'm really proud at the progress I have made.

​

However, one awful habit I can't seem to shake is shoplifting.  I've never discussed it with my therapist even though it is a HUGE problem.  I've been doing it forever and never been caught.  I think partly it's an impulse thing, I enjoy the rush of stealing and getting away with it.  Also I've always had a mindset of ""People will like me if only I had \*insert material good here\*.  My family was pretty poor growing up so I never had the clothes and stuff that made you ""cool"" in middle and high school and was bullied accordingly.  So I guess partly covering my insecurities, and probably something to do with trying to fill that emptiness inside of me.

​

DAE have this issue?  Have you managed to stop?  If so, how?  Any tips are appreciated.",4.5789229517091705,7.397100077319589,5.301383613673359,75.24038795442216,74.0,7.383179598480737,30.829083016820405,8.371475516178862,2.8436432989690723,861,40,134,16,19,278,125,194,0.11699999999999999,0.687,0.196,0.9495,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,2,0,4,9,11,0,2,6,2,18,2,0,4,3,31,29,17,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,11,0,3,3,0,1,6,4,4,0,3,11,1,16,7,20,17,5,20,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,7,6,100,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445248587960997,0.0,0.0,0.08341753855093254,0.08679518053307184,0.3390630574033717,0.3802481642013199,0.07093511610862688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800369990473386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733593293531105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688964891521368,0.0,0.0878865896594317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833520933167372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449823765236648,0.0,0.0,0.08749119073141026,0.0,0.0,0.1149104224162776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021039044347967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887367390926478,0.0,0.09271648689007007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367800556127445,0.05096112812943355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29610501783866544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050824460237016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668065109902886,0.0,0.24135342250145936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205167633749475,0.0793332820664746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259174842609481,0.0,0.07231617370351788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612187594537932,0.11246499432755742,0.09981162269542274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682435334106862,0.0,0.0,0.11199107005457123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556838890107434,0.0,0.09496089591290836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030377091617344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441747887044787,0.0,0.0,0.11941123835396635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603563423116177,0.11928881873380777,0.12111321173046515,0.0692996511591164,0.06683833262333734,0.10248511331645138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082038088250818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802481642013199,0.0
bpd,sc120,2019/05/07,"New guy I’m dating has become my FP. I met him a week ago and I’m terrified. I have a *very* bad problem with clinging to guys. He’s the most important person to me right now and I barely know him...I feel crazy!!! 

My home life sucks bc my parents are insane. Every guy I’ve dated has broken up with me because of them and I’m scared it’s going to happen again. He reassures me he’s okay with it but that’s what everyone says until one day they’re not and then I’m all alone. 

My last break up was very bad. I self harmed a lot and was in a very bad place. I’m scared to go back there but I want to try with him. 

I just need some reassurance. I feel like I’m fucked.",-1.5519127516778504,0.3928756040268482,1.1745604026845662,99.91083389261749,94.9731543624161,4.322281879194631,13.490268456375839,5.985473137389443,-1.0276821476510063,511,9,129,5,20,175,92,149,0.26899999999999996,0.652,0.079,-0.9856,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,5,13,2,2,5,1,6,2,0,0,1,23,23,9,0,3,4,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,5,4,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,9,0,1,3,3,17,4,14,20,4,20,0,0,0,1,16,5,2,3,13,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656216809966336,0.0,0.0,0.1478727119315608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978580840255284,0.3576355894759929,0.0870348272385322,0.1576846986258575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207860564298234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029480358559914,0.13642843422727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438350989304655,0.10199908905988338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199396398487806,0.0,0.0,0.16228560097862085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424111588169324,0.12625620432713855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432158093625046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846586808855434,0.11638136613490604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084679860621984,0.06975306383586441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138291397440885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586647670635033,0.0,0.1378937965538999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674860466526423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853567461604762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466635689992232,0.14917036514902948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366171971654981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192978776716497,0.0,0.1135410790558546,0.28588704779515955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894634001024526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693542372200098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534150635971899,0.08421288998636645,0.0,0.11452616723155146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OtherwiseLaugh,2019/05/07,"Has anyone else had an extremely negative experience with BPD and Adderall? I started Adderall a few weeks ago, and my mental health decline has been so significant that I genuinely thought I was losing my mind completely.

I was constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I couldn't sleep at all. I cried all of the time. I self-harmed a lot. I was convinced everyone was going to leave me. I got extremely suicidal. I was paranoid. I literally could not tolerate any sort of emotion and lost the ability to self-soothe in any way.

I stopped taking the medication, and all of those things disappeared.

I just did some research, and it looks like there have been studies showing that amphetamines can induce symptoms of psychosis in people with BPD.

I know it can actually help others, but I was just wondering if anyone else on here could relate to my reaction? I am also just going through a bad break-up and have a lot of stressors, but I can handle it off Adderall.",5.071302288871351,6.924407878453039,6.0112588792423045,74.99205801104974,69.66298342541437,9.370323599052881,32.81807419100237,9.784248007369934,3.4947234411996853,770,36,133,19,14,254,111,181,0.16899999999999998,0.7809999999999999,0.05,-0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,1,1,10,0,21,4,1,1,3,31,31,11,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,5,0,0,13,1,21,2,18,15,7,17,0,2,1,0,1,7,0,6,7,103,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.1259338851633144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143947668288418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320099322611588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551643369458564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046909242754802,0.2644533226496873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468126565159107,0.0,0.0,0.10775110361990922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32506714259852537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353061483072215,0.13945687287394154,0.0,0.2060713586984415,0.0,0.14175502854602734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560891916189787,0.14516353551529787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331251239282492,0.0,0.1262353628869969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668382947587294,0.0,0.10321282876433806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717378949965994,0.0,0.0,0.08649928926750608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092233657805602,0.0,0.0,0.1366449920568408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630471616669646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083692405006267,0.1443735973353092,0.14087298484519084,0.2194268690178166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300039894326813,0.1300517381839041,0.0,0.13030340245033314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141200995164592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946680856518675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692539499175459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914289159339906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134203723772788,0.0,0.0,0.10789132218541156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411594190194663,0.0,0.0,0.13413204373773435,0.09702930904049913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573488206532814,0.0,0.0,0.10245104160719133,0.07524991403976057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024336398903494,0.10351587992659483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399488876531562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,htaylor10141,2019/05/07,"Relationships are hard. Struggling with no support system Hi guys👋 I feel like I’m grasping at straws at this point. I literally feel the most delusional I have felt in so long. I’ve distanced myself from all my friends and family and my boyfriend doesn’t know what to do with me. My problem is that I’m so angry. With all of them. Every day feels like a crisis and the only people I have to talk to is the suicide hotline. My therapist has pretty tight boundaries when it comes to phone calls and talking outside of our regular session time. All my relationships are in turmoil right now and I have no one to talk to or vent to or reach out for help. I feel like I’ve taken so much from them because of my illness already. I don’t even know why I’m posting now anyways, I guess I just need to write it all down and send it somewhere and no that someone will see it",2.0304586241276184,4.146054903954807,3.27058823529412,90.15858424725826,79.05649717514125,5.7466267863077425,25.66600199401795,6.794906146795322,0.9861860418743772,686,27,142,7,17,222,107,177,0.16399999999999998,0.73,0.106,-0.905,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,2,0,9,8,0,2,4,0,12,1,0,0,4,33,28,13,1,2,3,0,7,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,8,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,8,20,5,23,25,6,18,0,0,1,0,15,8,0,4,9,95,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599667294421334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836614059550224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802014984937092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248700207543252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348707029412384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574457206594084,0.0,0.1221348724852441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665518595128312,0.0,0.2931840951419164,0.3106779020693606,0.13918412810597333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199557173180784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596895481258608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985549601349805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716348950421397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933221565335892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246008895936036,0.0,0.0,0.1282848497435497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656212262140403,0.10748584517029004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822850315815232,0.1102484500373937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049686406226438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370338537168589,0.0,0.13883140521591314,0.1474762172102652,0.0,0.13870693876835974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112651227816352,0.0,0.12379486592285625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551418211236847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282395698549338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154344335942604,0.0,0.15856247888814934,0.16449864826588806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495395570720555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830948530713966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452721744780739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080366057938025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LArocking,2019/05/07,"Ghost everyone!!!!!! So not sure if this is necessarily a BPD thing but I recently had a rash of several people wanting to be friends/hang out (mostly women with toddlers like myself) but also a very attractive single father as well. They basically all wanted to arrange play dates (although the man pretty obviously also wanted to take me out on a date because he said as much.) Anyway, I had a play date with each of the women and their children (separate occasions) and turned down lunch with the man because I had other plans that day. Now none of them are texting and I feel extreme rage, rejection, and more rage. I want to group text them all to go fuck themselves. I feel completely alone and fucking worthless. That’s all.",5.416,7.094909896296297,6.020185185185182,75.94583333333338,68.55555555555556,8.65925925925926,31.277777777777786,9.120678840339163,2.8908666666666667,576,24,98,11,10,187,94,135,0.212,0.65,0.138,-0.932,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,4,1,6,12,4,0,8,0,6,4,1,0,5,27,18,14,1,5,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,11,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,6,1,0,4,3,12,6,17,13,9,11,0,2,0,2,13,4,2,2,7,73,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075101167519076,0.0,0.2945713014447368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245442195502478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23196349245003614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310525487387745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877842064713677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759882638938716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862500539927905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405358816545839,0.0,0.0,0.10467158599659528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997919440534373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539070789099786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768459590990155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737342081785646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185179081690986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519375416702848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208066696629983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358390079516026,0.0,0.13847759090709244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122358491908408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033083184216535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196466393704175,0.43452760826962106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559653385438508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MNNice88_,2019/05/07,"I was someone's FP now I think im being devalued? We hung out alot for months and out of no where I got the silent treatment, its going on 3 weeks she won't message me back or anything. Idk if I can say or do anything that would help this situation, but it is weird, I didn't know this would happen, she told me about her bpd but I didn't think it would end like this out of no where",2.166039215686272,2.7247479764705886,3.5397058823529406,94.91700980392159,75.11764705882352,6.607843137254903,22.401960784313715,6.42735559955562,0.13178431372549015,298,7,75,2,6,98,60,85,0.096,0.84,0.064,-0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,0,17,18,6,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,1,12,1,8,8,1,12,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,4,6,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629415911823765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956778663145636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27773970755469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953170153052812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532772022408573,0.0,0.17637156833352366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500685405295032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781123132162824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382015745721267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211931102160796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773589790440692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601853640314274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536792548499178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478759392121161,0.0,0.0,0.18684755364856576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826031543618696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071819720713075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688942652433604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699574514938821,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hail376,2019/05/07,"Declining communication skills? 20yo M Intp Psychonaut here & In the last year I seem to have completely lost the ability to create small talk. It feels like Im losing every shred of my personality. & I dont remember how to make friends, not that I was ever that great at it in the first place. Ive had some issues with social anxiety in the past, but even then I could have full conversations with strangers. Now its like I just cant find anything to talk about. Im just becoming more & more antisocial everyday & thats the last thing I want.. 

It's just strange that this is happening now though.. I feel like this should have happened when I was 14-17 & an unfeeling antisocial zombie. On my 17th birthday I had a very intense & beautiful Mdma & Lsd trip with my girlfriend at the time. & The next day I could smell the roses & marvel in every feeling that I had been deprived of for years. I was happy! I really thought that I had turned around half a lifetime of depression in a single night.. But all the new emotions never let up, they just kept growing & becoming harder to manage.. I feel like that trip, as awe inspiring as it was, caused my BPD to manifest. 

I was just diagnosed last week, & all the pieces fell into place. Wondering how others have dealt with lossing their personality. 

(lol Sorry its so long winded I havent written anything in a while)",3.778842208109429,5.874584239700379,4.714919394235468,81.9353199804592,73.6441947565543,8.238983878847094,26.58996906041361,8.964715089967882,2.1764608044292464,1100,40,210,24,23,357,156,267,0.065,0.777,0.158,0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,2,5,17,13,0,0,15,1,23,1,0,4,4,38,38,11,0,4,8,0,4,4,2,1,1,0,0,2,17,6,0,1,10,0,0,4,5,5,0,2,14,5,24,8,29,20,8,42,0,5,0,0,10,16,0,3,26,138,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7856276138603652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042607760972925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848761768464064,0.0586798178244034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559958223797764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301974736727337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771458503336372,0.0,0.0,0.06911238189076395,0.0,0.0,0.105258206055631,0.0,0.0,0.04251080362110441,0.0,0.05677393745399326,0.06690403978783023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725385471617288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414738966899766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043537343592825406,0.059625408297183616,0.11107528694981876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331781019768033,0.14127266201342753,0.0,0.0,0.06024664874797395,0.05606869192342548,0.0,0.0,0.05092706126467899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267336928127822,0.0,0.0,0.11657979984856727,0.07016952855830776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424026453946682,0.06879988527040758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611926690147672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740426839323986,0.0,0.1288142355323681,0.0,0.0,0.05833418501460634,0.0,0.07374390091517169,0.07195583976425261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399989385935898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083900506428296,0.06366273755925546,0.07010313397390906,0.061858336201651924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292492698196027,0.0,0.11511179995230565,0.13773779597676014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042227911285204346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467074554025173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060008067234215465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719375128733387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378832340893364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596265645255364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043792111332625394,0.0,0.06476280063785522,0.05233047870511919,0.03843654454307988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169841630572373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054388162014430974,0.03887936403442852,0.0,0.05287438238949158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148382456879329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489635786286022
bpd,WaldronSnow,2019/05/07,"I am becoming more and more isolated by my BPD and I'm afraid I will never be able to connect with my family again. I have been battling BPD, anxiety, and depression for over 15 years now. 15 fucking years of struggle. Have I gotten  better? Of course not! I continue to get worse no matter what I try. And now my family is starting to get fed up with the emotional outbursts and my thoughts on suicide.

Now my girlfriend is losing it too. She has depression and mine is killing her slowly. She told me she can't see me like this anymore. So thanks to my disorder, I will soon become alone. But at least there will be less guilt when I finally lose this fight and kill myself. They won't even be around anymore so why feel bad about leaving them behind?

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to die, but I don't want to continue my life living this fucking hell. Every day I get closer and closer to finally ending it. I am so fucking tired of being tired all the time.",2.2890435280641483,4.336909737113402,3.6978694158075602,87.74710194730815,77.91752577319588,6.991523482245133,24.179839633447884,7.984000788550335,1.383023825887744,755,26,153,13,18,248,116,194,0.267,0.685,0.048,-0.991,0,1,0,0,1,3,21.0,0,0,2,3,14,20,8,3,2,0,21,7,0,0,2,21,39,14,4,2,3,0,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,6,11,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,17,0,0,5,2,30,3,21,26,5,24,1,4,1,3,9,7,4,0,18,110,36,0,0.1112050562538119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517490058874165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507156365254198,0.0,0.2205710682275468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899607690694434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285157693363004,0.0,0.2456344953895799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835183527345566,0.0,0.0,0.2801177508682644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717180615189418,0.0,0.191561504002086,0.0,0.11541329137732488,0.0,0.1274506288211196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509072049417005,0.09849467243146064,0.0,0.0,0.07344989085577866,0.0,0.09369505612858442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966846007907425,0.0,0.05622861778000568,0.0,0.0,0.2436394069316887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084218477167374,0.23240020829273025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460638366900326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775009783024355,0.0,0.0,0.07854741995629283,0.05432917330125168,0.0,0.0981961020431926,0.0,0.0,0.2488200255925264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576819495719794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861603206711903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871151118573143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162556700028146,0.0,0.12164028223067533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238267492800887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882843929402036,0.06484456258897077,0.2556277064782517,0.0,0.10626119683850753,0.0,0.07550093350473099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311832468043114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034526642904563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133274528363796,0.0,0.12158527175134964,0.0,0.1432248204529362
bpd,pbrooke2013,2019/05/07,"Depression is eating me alive A few weeks ago, I ended up in the mental hospital because my safety was a concern. I’m suicidal to the point in which I’m tempted to drive my car into a tree or something. I go to group therapy now. I just still feel the ever-present dark cloud over me. Meds haven’t helped, especially with how expensive everything is.",4.446521739130431,5.7450246666666684,5.8673623188405815,77.57582608695652,70.44927536231884,9.577971014492757,31.19130434782609,9.888512548439397,3.186707826086957,278,12,52,7,5,94,54,69,0.12,0.802,0.079,-0.5859,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,8,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,9,7,1,14,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,5,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377122589447748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634710095472419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097028342402645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743999347723348,0.0,0.0,0.23751476086764675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425707652359621,0.0,0.0,0.2410095795268341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559237648340594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240445617390194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974547279475897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978710702840696,0.0,0.27024743631538084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25350278124949804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644666303978107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415706548975694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933291906320771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066702632340772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510593828845398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Shocktroop214,2019/05/07,"Bipolar 2 with bpd and ptsd Is there anyone like me who is mostly successful? 

Looking for a friend to talk to about our experience. I have managed some level of stability for 2-3 weeks out of every month so that’s a huge improvement but the dip into depression is hard each month.",6.9192121212121185,6.532373890909092,7.650909090909089,72.86303030303033,64.63636363636364,10.969696969696967,32.878787878787875,10.504223727775694,3.338878787878788,224,8,42,5,3,75,47,55,0.113,0.7140000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.1333,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,10,5,3,7,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,2,4,29,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158566332833147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36310303712130987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483118748564953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429047023124229,0.0,0.0,0.28201216087219017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273942288768594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25825965967747344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084853793683247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420989094238017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602357057284927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370066033609647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317241596095924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312564111596675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,try_again_-,2019/05/07,"Recently Diagnosed: Questions So... I've not long been diagnosed with BPD and I've got to say while it does offer some clarity in some matters.

In others i feel completely lost and out of my mind trying to figure it out. 

1. I don't understand what splitting is or what is meant by it when someone mentions it, could someone clear this up?
2. how long does it take to get better? does it ever go away? it sounded like a Life sentence at the GPs.
3. Does anyone have any tips on explaining this to your loved ones?

I've been in and out of doctors for a long while and it feels a massive relief to know what is wrong. 

but it also fills my mind body and soul with this huge sense of dread about how this effects me! how this is going to hurt my loved ones! 

it also feels like it diminishes a lot of past relationships and nullifies the feelings i did have and in some cases still do. 

I guess i miss not knowing. I miss just being a bit quirky and a *bit* intense. 

i'm really scared about the catastrophic impact this is going to hit my life with. my parents barely understood when they thought it was just depression, lord knows how they're going to deal with this. *how am i going to deal with this?*

I'm really scared.

Full of dread.

Highly Anxious. 

And i just wanna go back a couple of days and not know again.

any advice is welcome.

(p.s apologies if this has the wrong flair to it. first time)",1.4035483870967769,3.7988824014336937,2.8074551971326187,90.96451612903229,83.40860215053762,5.7505376344086025,20.469534050179213,7.1029339738359605,0.5323448028673838,1086,32,224,15,31,352,148,279,0.151,0.747,0.102,-0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,1,4,19,18,0,4,11,0,18,8,1,6,2,60,49,25,0,3,9,1,4,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,26,18,0,0,16,0,0,7,4,11,0,3,9,6,16,7,37,37,7,37,2,5,0,2,15,14,0,8,18,151,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151298356580452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497825760418313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736943102306106,0.0,0.0,0.1057970197942034,0.0,0.06548174759448204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798657265821176,0.07201050861752943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828251696916876,0.20448149752123268,0.1040232281373609,0.1179479782192716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818947867754194,0.0,0.0,0.07477132241999082,0.10362113689804286,0.0,0.06039603225247001,0.1930965721297419,0.08065997971087074,0.19010407711230912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585399691896188,0.3278124318590954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471112695681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894075406405736,0.0669030577685858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965802189822341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048927878759736684,0.0,0.3193382324495462,0.0,0.07489987687916372,0.0,0.10316522989380776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989455962976018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025348128727814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058687603576049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322944990021968,0.09150460660696462,0.0,0.0,0.24862997305099085,0.0,0.0,0.10222924172145917,0.07961726110104184,0.16904424640985605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911813419531492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691833910693248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039864325748252,0.0,0.08939882561053455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490861593385464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998824179693952,0.0,0.0924673569787213,0.10054426957355572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447365894338205,0.18751851462811364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869744648395756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478842862928449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041259684294944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434706028687076,0.05460764290856385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358170757081846,0.0,0.0,0.09749219361743204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478155261294612,0.0,0.0
bpd,lostlittlegurl,2019/05/07,"I Can't Be Friends With Other Borderlines Or date them, as much as I'd like to. I now feel only dread because they've disappointed me too. As sad and fucked up as it is, I avoid making borderline friends because even though we are alike it doesn't stop them from splitting and abandoning me. I often don't understand why because my symptoms never manifest that way. It's like pulling teeth for me to abandon anyone. I've come across many who's abandonment fear manifests in being the first to leave and it nearly destroyed me. In large groups, (we) seem prone to forming cliques and starting drama. Not surprising but very disappointing and I've since gone back to feeling isolated and alone :( I avoid support groups now too. We should support eachother, but it feels we can only safely do so from a distance.",5.044780701754384,7.007457776315793,4.953947368421055,82.10596491228073,69.92105263157895,7.961403508771927,31.74561403508772,8.59863814320734,2.6222087719298246,650,29,116,11,12,201,103,152,0.24,0.644,0.11599999999999999,-0.9479,0,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,4,0,2,1,9,20,2,4,2,0,10,3,1,1,1,32,22,15,0,1,4,0,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,7,5,1,0,3,5,12,0,1,1,3,16,8,18,18,2,17,0,6,0,1,11,5,1,3,10,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767772508070218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934629053868992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124553633676556,0.0,0.3121423273310781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702923778069432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127352375490531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206706424223832,0.25890902662866794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518380731188388,0.0,0.0,0.2637402227863475,0.15779469904607646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072981587381584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677525825018735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393296138502534,0.17304688633396825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254724518396881,0.0,0.13164209939588345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596258970340483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538439317238564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119165039295364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081108369230825,0.0,0.0,0.14269954939029755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873805854180624,0.0,0.17740613250879653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769626053744188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776881664303769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083225705951605,0.0,0.13548109299875954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401585102439233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kylerj96,2019/05/07,"DAE fall all but completely in love with someone in unreasonable amounts of time? I met a guy a week ago. We vibed like crazy. Last night we had to end things, and I think I cried for a half hour straight. I guess I just want to feel a little less crazy.",1.2881132075471695,3.1522978113207567,1.9024905660377376,100.30241509433964,80.32075471698113,5.749433962264153,20.033962264150947,6.742157984588678,-0.17211396226415102,196,5,49,2,5,60,42,53,0.16,0.618,0.222,0.5672,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,7,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,7,2,7,5,3,12,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,8,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386242598419954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822448123015147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956969947435417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384260040486926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611258679800262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965475663950161,0.26654440616520825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651018884154435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942905822752012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315146025029961,0.26980313163394715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429581164968216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252620355613188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280872227802095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884054789053178,0.1724886608592225,0.0,0.0,0.15696920006645246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877760980143582,0.0,0.21593120834220472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Geordie_Gryffindor,2019/05/07,"I’m so in love with my fiancé it’s scary and not healthy... had a destructive weekend. I thought after a year and a half together my feelings might have cooled off a bit and be less intense. They aren’t. I don’t speak to him for more than a few hours, I miss him. 
I love him so much it makes me heart ache.

He went away this weekend and unfortunately left his phone behind. I had a really traumatic weekend, I self harmed, drank a lot and took morphine whilst really drunk. I was so distressed that I couldn’t speak to him I spiralled. I had no regard for my own life and what I did was really really dangerous.

It’s great to be in love and to feel this way but it’s also so scary because I don’t cope when he’s not here. He’s my home, I feel at home for the first time in my life, safe for the first time in my life. But this isn’t sustainable. I’m embarrassingly co dependant and don’t know what to do. I’m a total mess and trying to recover from the weekend. Feeling pretty low and shook up. 

How do you overcome these intense feelings. I’d gone a really long time with no self harm and I’ve never used alcohol as a coping mechanism until recently. My coping strategies are getting worse and my partner is terrified I’m going to go too far.",1.9311297633036768,3.706328374517376,3.7909283196239727,87.9403525264395,77.996138996139,7.284270606009736,23.616081920429746,8.18289091462,1.2910992445862015,975,32,211,18,23,329,138,259,0.19399999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9774,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,2,9,16,2,3,13,1,20,10,1,4,2,35,44,23,0,1,4,0,5,0,1,1,4,2,2,3,11,14,3,1,7,5,0,6,11,10,0,3,11,8,29,6,27,29,8,36,0,2,0,3,19,11,0,3,18,138,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164102045083598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850629950662633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573084009999615,0.0,0.0,0.07508884957568761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344796983112679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114153264720036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955219680613146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435600731001548,0.0,0.14001106760155416,0.0,0.0,0.13580541706763508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596785287160818,0.0,0.0,0.2471174059232342,0.0,0.12130662280595418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676960241396185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383447666944673,0.0,0.2610151705125557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900964691133504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472248475318197,0.33352190101345314,0.0,0.08222302055893925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306735828012578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055082797620634,0.0,0.09500333277979986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531745095424798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945584992616847,0.0,0.12162452271602273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570053776111141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779046377210583,0.21548021017609906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368565370933817,0.0836305382725503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638721207859332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777385367294328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418828034277352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553004899164066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079323316099912
bpd,chibicheebs,2019/05/07,"Struggling with derealization again and I just want to fade away I'm tired. Absolutely exhausted. The world isn't real to me and I just feel like I'm floating. I have gone through Dialectical Behavior Therapy twice and it helped a ton, but I can no longer practice the most important part of the therapy -- mindfulness. Every time I check in with my world, I become painfully aware of how flat everything is. It's like watching everything in 2D on a slightly fuzzy screen. Nothing has an impact. So I spend every single day just existing and doing what I need to do to survive. It's a mundane, monotonous way to live and I abhor it, but what else am I to do?

​

Unfortunately, I am too strong to end my life. But I just want a break from this. If anyone else has gone through the same thing, please say so. I need to know I'm not alone. And is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Will I ever feel the world again?",2.0456255392579834,4.421784278688527,3.5772447512223198,86.57042277825714,80.53005464480873,6.912740868564856,23.839229220592465,8.032893268588372,1.4138699453551915,725,26,148,14,19,239,108,183,0.113,0.78,0.107,-0.4655,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,6,0,1,13,0,13,4,0,1,1,30,25,13,0,5,9,0,2,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,2,2,3,3,0,1,2,6,17,3,21,22,5,20,0,0,2,0,2,8,0,2,10,102,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169038117660918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869143191223908,0.1779672669774835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240958166948212,0.15006754774107234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760579748513407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175568654847894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445582356438527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447002854457604,0.0,0.25944358238853965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248319406686604,0.2468009732304132,0.0,0.2632610641712536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811109747841486,0.1046324267476854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817033941309526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049164233367903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034503873040368,0.14310779457937742,0.0,0.1293285609351342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788479019371215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719931954508787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405341648047381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584581194663005,0.0,0.0,0.15860398953193688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077120929074068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670573247888068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647239937790135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311380176170822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349839454812733,0.0,0.0973027933890401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540312486549667,0.1683364345737441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277407325738428,0.11625465689383352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779672669774835,0.0
bpd,ManyMindsManyVoices,2019/05/07,"I'm tired of feeling... [I recorded this, because I don't feel like text does words justice...](https://soundgasm.net/u/ManyMindsManyVoices/Im-tired-of-feeling) But you can read it too, below:

I'm tired of the loneliness... Waiting to find a person I will click with that will only leave, because I love too hard, and I don't want to change that for this cold, cruel world. I'm tired of wishing there was at least a voice to make me feel safe and loved and wanted, if not a warm body to actually hold tight...

I am tired of screaming into the darkness. I am tired of shallow, passing feelings with strangers online when I just want someone to actually enjoy. I want to kiss someone, even if I can't quite touch them. I want to hold them.

I want to stop being told I should live for me, because *me* only wants to find a real connection in this isolated world or not be in it anymore. I don't see the world through your eyes and I don't want what you want, so just let me leave... Let me find my oblivion because that sounds beautiful... Peaceful...

I can't take another cold, lonely night in this sad world, and I still hae to wait at least a few more to clean up my last thread tying me here..

I can't stand these nights, the end of the week looks so far away...",2.8232422690191608,4.540399163346613,3.5040978941377365,91.228432934927,75.29482071713147,6.215215329159553,24.3029785619427,6.868970318607317,0.6963066211345099,974,31,209,9,21,307,135,251,0.193,0.72,0.087,-0.9423,0,2,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,3,2,1,11,11,1,0,10,0,18,10,2,1,0,44,44,12,0,13,8,0,8,1,0,3,5,3,1,1,11,8,0,7,7,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,2,17,31,7,31,35,4,24,0,2,4,3,9,14,0,3,9,127,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.17269276807018466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278186094780247,0.0,0.0,0.08775109553791073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313244072629576,0.0,0.0,0.21575301211545586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828436983083244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360299957192844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743183629486934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836943874789569,0.0,0.0,0.05844201092670415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236976431418365,0.0632120824385335,0.0,0.0,0.24261484605183556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926314936878888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557653581232987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721252373745194,0.0,0.18738087759797326,0.0,0.18095917963140856,0.0,0.043228194115971966,0.0,0.07813187469313332,0.0,0.07430321113117098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597182430253138,0.0,0.0590629116408984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660701026693059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345902119088289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725970988861437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411227855246923,0.08850667810932815,0.10071272197329807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705092826416404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994226578742414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066242521104192,0.07397552713786408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652800372358568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084894286808512,0.0,0.0845490436318618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697046781439453,0.0,0.07097551155736155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175077668274396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maxisfaded,2019/05/07,"regaining trust from an ex i need some opinions anyone with bpd can you answer this question? if your partner made a mistake and seriously betrayed you by accident (not cheating): broke your trsut for them and you left them, how would you want them to try to regain your trust? lovebombing, not talking to you for a while or casually checking in on you and reminding you they’re there for you?",4.043737769080239,6.653473452054797,4.479882583170255,81.51849315068493,74.75342465753424,7.4590998043052865,29.606653620352247,8.418075326091056,2.4827667318982383,314,14,55,6,7,99,53,73,0.17300000000000001,0.713,0.114,-0.7131,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,11,3,0,2,7,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,18,5,7,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,15,3,11,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,18,3,0,5,1,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485332117134826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476665776161672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861886189822932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363276804875268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635556340945879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981762279150633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856907017518325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132168992592015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964881716861028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25249569796575944,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floating_feathers,2019/05/07,"Really struggling today (TW self harm) Today has been absolutely shit. By 8am I was already crying and hyperventilating from anxiety. On Tuesdays, my in law drops my child off to nursery and I was due a payment today of £150, which I was intending on giving them when I picked up my child. I usually give my payments in the afternoon as it gives me a chance to get to the bank. I got a phone call from my in law saying that they were turning away my child due to unpaid bills that were apparently £400! So my in law paid the £400 and called me to say how humiliating it was (which I totally understand). I was so confused by this because as far as I was aware, I was going to be paying £150 today and that was it, no big deal. Apparently they had emailed me to say that if I didnt pay in the morning they'd turn my child away but I never saw that email because it went straight to my spam folder (which I will now be checking daily as i would with normal emails). At this point I was an absolute mess and also angry that the nursery had spoken to my in law about what I owe, and it was a big shocker to me to know that I owed much more than I thought I did! It was so embarrassing and just humiliating getting that call from my in law. I've been feeling sick all day because if I had known the bill was so high I could have easily paid if off today, as I've already paid my in law back. I genuinely did not see that email and if I did I wouldn't be stupid enough to send my in law down to drop off my child and be hit with the heat of it. I don't even know what to say, I just feel angry and guilty and I want to SH to get rid of the feelings but I know I cant. I just dont know how to process all of this. It may not seem like a big deal to some but to me this had absolutely crushed me and I'm a total state, filled with anxiety, dread and guilt which is eating me alive.",4.6723973063973085,3.6868585753086434,6.011767676767678,84.74977272727273,69.41975308641976,9.240179573512908,28.532547699214373,8.438071523408619,1.63016049382716,1453,41,346,19,22,495,181,405,0.158,0.7929999999999999,0.049,-0.9926,4,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,4,0,15,10,2,5,15,0,40,3,1,4,5,63,71,33,0,9,12,0,3,1,0,4,1,4,0,6,27,16,1,0,11,0,11,4,9,9,0,0,31,9,55,1,57,29,8,48,0,0,2,0,28,26,1,8,16,239,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499958667059926,0.07790268121318389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490443036718328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830490595626829,0.07490606511219193,0.0,0.17814970434756866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984145935925421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777789177221736,0.0,0.10700572207663986,0.06282456840362162,0.20086102268371608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416956788956507,0.0,0.0,0.09967978907101237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065565932029516,0.0,0.06434163995200376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477677408930552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268583471521693,0.2803478209998975,0.05536314743478768,0.0,0.07791161543108514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292421788323007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414678307325716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04759201227817934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161117939412327,0.0,0.07513239645386251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544594443820033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208859245841412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062406496116256274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30987303675831424,0.0,0.0,0.07762708375473659,0.0886828900795819,0.10162501333615608,0.0,0.09999502175932147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183923181570753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733656997657608,0.0,0.0,0.4616897976082237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191893240964602,0.0,0.10141237359987323,0.0,0.0,0.1072887784303968,0.0,0.05745784735195283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030461246010332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920076853604869,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MangoManiac911,2019/05/07,"I hate that I place so much worth on my appearance. It feels like I’ll never be able to accept my body/appearance even though I have the very typical standard look of ‘beauty’. My eyes are blue, my hair is blonde, I’m thin but ‘curvy’ in all the right places (according to men of reddit) and I know deep down inside I’m OK. But I can’t stop the addiction that is seeking validation from complete strangers. I had bulimia for three years after finding porn on my boyfriend’s phone and for some reason my reaction was sooo completely different than what I thought it would be because I’ve watched porn too. It just made me start to compare myself to everyone I see and seek male attention online (ie. posting nudes). I’m so tired of this. I just want to be happy with myself, or even just neutral. I want to stop hating myself and destroying myself.",4.013062937062937,5.7082001151515165,4.664242424242428,84.22867132867134,72.0909090909091,8.228438228438227,27.843822843822842,8.841846274778883,2.1604871794871805,669,25,130,13,13,214,112,165,0.129,0.773,0.098,-0.8564,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,3,0,3,1,11,7,3,2,2,29,26,10,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,7,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,4,9,21,4,19,18,3,17,0,0,6,3,3,9,0,3,7,83,28,0,0.1632403813884989,0.0,0.0,0.1779561108987343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995098213519876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423088682152338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055145460688587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563746470080009,0.0,0.0,0.15598317992957025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253924165468532,0.11661896108091407,0.0,0.0,0.14919875124022972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377242143061486,0.0,0.3223321617211967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971264450633436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975100475626233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708080722572066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544619958570963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000046299956035,0.0,0.1259010455771088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411029092137717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633916156098476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678382997145048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940639377548752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008144916320835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554238214041153,0.0,0.0,0.27295253652240903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038284589751384,0.1295946286949244,0.0,0.18762080477589194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469041056125616,0.1925668127107604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596128334304075,0.0,0.0,0.10512145356805733
bpd,emmpemmpemm,2019/05/07,"Am I ""well-functioning"" because I can control my emotions when I'm around my family? Yes this question seems a little specific and maybe very obvious. But it wasn't too long ago that I was diagnosed and just a few weeks ago I told my fiance about it. Yesterday he just said ""I've been thinking about your borderline... And you have to be very well-functioning because you never get panicattacks or get really emotional when we're with your family, you can control yourself"". 

​

In my head, my thinking is that I never get the same emotional issues around my family because I feel safe and I don't get any stress around them. But is that really being ""well-functioning""? Or is it just ""normal borderline"". 

​

Do you 'lash out' even when you're in a safe place because of no reason? Or would you consider it being well-functioning because you don't? Sorry if the question is very confusing...",4.7276785714285685,6.897951648809527,5.525714285714287,76.81928571428574,71.20238095238095,9.561904761904762,29.857142857142854,9.957137785484203,3.3569357142857146,719,30,123,20,14,234,88,168,0.013999999999999999,0.88,0.106,0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,8,1,2,13,4,0,2,5,1,18,2,1,3,3,36,29,13,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,9,0,4,7,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,2,22,2,11,20,2,18,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,8,10,87,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812564621373513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550080839220752,0.2304624565455448,0.0644889942390977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532616871872495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890434557239926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127242451089309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625245740090496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200196201067825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263562443772269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681974357402737,0.0,0.047949895430560815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818316945431844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732496433730624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897994272360244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950465511898966,0.0,0.0839233127915877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527146415503568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628052909129075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291519977411897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990792288611486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246702836774498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215035816969504,0.09750306350308946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902069235665464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633146747922682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615663087200433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862970579997296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215289995690326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090616015080927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347389304446653,0.0,0.0,0.07606848935704229,0.0,0.3410613339113857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736591345913834,0.0,0.2304624565455448,0.0
bpd,goodchipssir,2019/05/07,"My boss got a new job and I am so sad she left me I feel like this is really weird. I'm not a confirmed diagnosis yet, but I have genuinely been crying for the last four day because my boss got this new amazing job that she started a couple of weeks ago. It was definitely a close relationship, but certainly professional. Anyone relate?",4.224090909090911,5.74440534848485,6.006484848484849,75.5097272727273,71.27272727272728,9.522424242424243,28.35151515151515,9.888512548439397,2.8226460606060604,267,10,51,7,5,92,52,66,0.11199999999999999,0.701,0.187,0.7549,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,2,1,9,10,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,1,8,3,2,6,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,9,31,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684554992432265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527169086500325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536761172458814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24570860929296426,0.24392590082753285,0.1432123361681405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228178148196652,0.15864193130732335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35520831241798817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407267467532536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101107433407232,0.0,0.0,0.24127222051646696,0.0,0.0,0.10848881949355316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289398739192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225931555085444,0.0,0.0,0.2384126770738209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571774133529264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812563349631527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cozalex8,2019/05/07,"I feel so alone I've just learned that one of my good friends had a birthday party without inviting me. My friends were talking about it and because I didn't know about it, I asked what they were talking about. It seemed like they went to great lengths to hide it from me and to keep my out of the group. 

Am I over reacting? Reading too much into it? I feel so alone right now.",1.9548901098901084,3.781825294871794,2.219816849816852,98.99423076923078,78.1025641025641,4.96996336996337,26.52747252747253,5.288315135182226,0.3807780219780215,295,12,68,1,7,89,53,78,0.095,0.69,0.21600000000000005,0.9102,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,12,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,12,5,13,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,48,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617124976470624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083805730114129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587722488372952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254089686358816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444225895491758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869571930038229,0.0,0.24574704899064576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981229651720828,0.0,0.0,0.12249951820718245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889724311371804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385648849139695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104220150010436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295942359752646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035461685997013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291897271700754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583157129489657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066297024777571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148667820196942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mega-Miniature,2019/05/07,"Anyone with BPD dated someone who also has it? Did it work? 26 years old and diagnosed not too long ago after being misdiagnosed for years. 

I'm recently single and I've never dated anyone with BPD. I was thinking it might help to search for someone who also has it as the kinship might help us be more understanding and know what to do to help each other cope. On the other hand, I'm also thinking (maybe out of self loathing) that it could be an unmitigated disaster.

I'm wondering if anyone here has any insight or experiences to share?",4.498750000000001,6.177636759615389,5.931923076923077,75.68807692307693,70.82692307692308,8.276923076923078,27.42307692307693,8.841846274778883,2.268119230769231,429,15,76,8,8,145,69,104,0.037000000000000005,0.8370000000000001,0.126,0.8377,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,12,2,1,0,1,20,20,9,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,13,12,3,12,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,5,10,56,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131876602896865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569165822752786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116944887368308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120726344873088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747439823311571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878161690802122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509995338411322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145526681722235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991543950255924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176070529009526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316577410294163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494605651038398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156452517973445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147414429681429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611024236988294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689351234755202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520070199022445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521065387429717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065302620450855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487596071582044,0.1789533143510647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613359106759422,0.10830713190081634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916074201611014
bpd,th3-f00l,2019/05/07,"Anyone here with BPD that is over 40 I am told that things get better once you make it that far. I am in my mid-30s and things are getting better but only because I make my life very simple. Anyway, would love to hear your stories of how your life is going.",3.05745283018868,4.265251301886797,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,73.71698113207545,5.300000000000002,20.797169811320764,3.1291,-0.3337509433962267,201,4,43,0,4,63,41,53,0.0,0.8290000000000001,0.171,0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,0,7,14,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,3,5,12,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628759402042649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199708208251122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120301574617165,0.0,0.0,0.2933777511044141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434013919281511,0.0,0.1323842565908419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625384979245538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32906255102224463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023599385767527,0.0,0.31097637173442577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480717858489511,0.0,0.17716014419018605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30950783509477026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225826164997722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921985691898924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547275078517873,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,6xydragon,2019/05/07,"Confused and worried what to do. (Two:substance abuse and suicide) Tl;dr: I have bpd want to get high to numb my pain, causes stress with gf, have a shitty job and losing all motivation. 

So i am tired and having a panic attack so I am not gonna be the best at details but I can give the just of it. 

So I was diagnosed with depression about 5 years ago. I switched pills a lot and delt with it best I can. I moved back to the town I graduated high school in, started getting close with a female friend, who my best friend was obsessed with, so he started calling me a liar and hated me with a rage. Me and the girl stayed close but she distanced herself emotionaly. 

6 months later me and her move in together. We started getting closer but my depression was peaking a lot and after a while I looked for any way to help. I started smoking weed about 7 months after moving in with her(my parents are complete stoners so the fact I didn't up to the point is amazing) and it helped give me some moments without feeling horrible. I was selling cell phones and life was actually half decent. However I lied to my roommate about smoking weedand hid it from her, mainly because she grew up in a very conservative Christian home. Eventually it came out and we fought but got through it. She said we were good as long as I stopped lying. 

So being self destructive I kept lying about it, but at the same time we were getting closer and closer to eachother. Finnaly after about a year and a half of living together we started dating. After some time she realized I was still lying and we fought. I tried keeping my promises after that but I ended up fucking up. I was just tired of my brain constantly trying to get me to kill myself. 

Just before our one year anniversary I quit my job at the cellphone kiosk because I was so depressed. I spent three months looking for a job, being self loathing and destructive the entire time. Finnaly I got a job working front desk at a hotel, and I was thinking things might get better. 

Sadly I was greatly mistaken. It's been three months at the hotel and I am just done with life. I got diagnosed with bpd about beginning of March, but I probably had it for many many years alrwady. My gf wants me to quit smoking weed to try and help my bpd, which I do believe is a good thing. However I feel so fucking trapped. I make 11.25 and hour (min wage is 11.16 here) and I work at most 24 hours a week. More in the 8-16 hour range though. The city I live in has very few jobs, I am quallified for so I can't get a new job. My gf does not want to move to a different city, evey time I work I get horrible panic attacks and I am super fucking stressed. And I am trying my best to make life good for me and her. But I am emotionaly exsahsted. I just want to be stoned all the time to make my life at least livable. I don't want to lose her, she is the first and only woman to show me true love, affection, and care for me. But I can't go on much longer. I know I am about to fuck it all up to. Somehow. I just don't know what to do. Anyways sorry for weird rambling I just had no one to talk to.",2.3273517093049563,4.198230148969891,3.577839880009055,89.48053387480192,77.1458003169572,6.408886121802127,25.530931627801674,7.310402129719878,1.15147382839031,2428,90,507,30,56,790,278,631,0.20199999999999999,0.6659999999999999,0.132,-0.9940000000000001,11,1,0,0,1,2,68.0,7,0,0,15,29,46,14,6,32,0,48,17,1,6,5,99,98,48,2,5,19,1,2,0,5,2,11,2,1,4,17,45,0,4,7,3,3,8,9,29,0,7,26,6,88,17,81,66,18,82,1,6,2,5,43,29,4,8,43,352,105,14,0.0,0.06438312009025954,0.05302726490623765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048168462337628025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03695255019271074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363747244932187,0.0,0.04178352549302194,0.0,0.06624939918222451,0.0,0.04623869549653131,0.06122172149372517,0.22810274201173256,0.0480586466574971,0.0,0.0,0.2053151317518529,0.06066056884942815,0.05548644496805598,0.062149620510981524,0.05540248212908105,0.055821373382174584,0.0,0.0,0.056973664875224775,0.05872141982510865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404069371214821,0.1103063803442706,0.0,0.05677294584518387,0.0,0.0,0.0475526397690925,0.055607914149869764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048128442614908944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495111029530676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046220934313716135,0.0,0.0,0.08396473228660674,0.2009430267658867,0.2271201032988436,0.10425431112169294,0.03088224536625498,0.1367315426102169,0.13038017541135288,0.05990920980453612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053648754869135284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926735215643543,0.11482479223363505,0.05450669361162016,0.0,0.16053963251132164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235398978081694,0.04829921798183185,0.06011832392245125,0.0,0.05972685627250835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535256639000949,0.0,0.0,0.0959650983251349,0.04808852215576278,0.09126256076769593,0.12158343215470188,0.0,0.0923945663700021,0.049043290451051616,0.0,0.10881560461557126,0.1101829317542735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764535212945245,0.0,0.0,0.17349226876517512,0.2310160727699032,0.03994559766713341,0.0,0.0,0.05248118174357299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364335788506833,0.04132744468937796,0.0578207882268172,0.12751079268744306,0.06033730131661558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051368150827834316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858689709406947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559295230482848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168906586547296,0.0,0.0,0.05499421730214279,0.0,0.0,0.1133753676447981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060828336321123125,0.1923079876158465,0.05791840544915808,0.043395391508928516,0.0454300422415355,0.1244908438519033,0.0,0.0,0.05943831476848911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04367582705772111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220116011012374,0.034818394281314134,0.053388032635802565,0.0,0.15842825466645746,0.12490993774897388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757112261409303,0.0,0.05308154688077611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896711365175427,0.1602534738681477,0.04313196365483079,0.04358766490648122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238109339222777,0.0,0.11867885332034896,0.055184141316663084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399707696270888
bpd,FuritiveAffliction,2019/05/07,"BPD identity disturbance - any advice on how to deal with it? ​

This is my first post and I don't feel like talking too much about myself right now. But long story short, I have quiet BPD and can't figure out how to handle my intense identity issues and chronic self-invalidation. Out of all of my symptoms, this is by far the most debilitating and I can't seem to find a single answer anywhere as to how to go about ""curing"" or at least dealing with these symptoms. I'm so tired of questioning my thoughts/feelings/motives, contradicting myself all the time, being overly paranoid about what others think of me because its the only thing I have to define me even though I truly don't want to care what other people think of me, overanalyzing past behavior looking for any patterns that could prove I have some sort of consistent character and am not just a complete lack of soul... 

​

I've spent so many years trying to figure myself out and now I'm in grad school and just want to have normal grad student problems. I think I'd rather die than live the rest of my life constantly thinking about these questions. Will it ever go away? Do I just need to settle with the fact that I will always be confused? If I stop thinking about it will it eventually stop being a problem? Should I sit down and decide everything about who I am and how I act and how I think, then write it down and laminate it and hang it up to look at and memorize every single day???

​

How do you guys deal with this? Has anyone ever resolved this issue? Does anyone have any good advice on dealing with it? Thanks in advance :) sorry for being kinda vague.",5.708872814948763,6.719927126582283,5.999457504520798,78.85090717299579,67.29113924050634,8.044364074743823,28.971669680530443,8.11559375814309,1.994854309825196,1316,44,235,16,21,421,177,316,0.121,0.8270000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,0,3,25,9,0,2,8,0,25,5,0,6,6,75,45,27,1,11,8,0,1,1,0,4,5,1,0,1,23,21,0,2,18,0,1,5,5,4,0,1,1,4,26,5,49,35,10,38,1,0,2,0,11,17,0,10,15,179,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125769785038854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865580837151644,0.2682020839403224,0.30077989278539946,0.1683310424076882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538729759273325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752185316090474,0.0,0.0,0.05029797386589532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078395730598241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412552061247787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651127232282052,0.08916513889001608,0.0,0.0658783641886546,0.0,0.0,0.05321280511703482,0.3402611025358272,0.0,0.0,0.08563344925817733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220598109218468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449777427327343,0.14927194790392126,0.06951912330875233,0.0,0.07415561674235499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172006906708469,0.058945914855654785,0.0,0.0,0.07541361032254934,0.07018386203847521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378586912642266,0.06920635901854846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169891775813894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224021072850473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058279998957810275,0.040310734141713496,0.0,0.07285877407460037,0.07301968804236536,0.1385770121115269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365326010882759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065511996546929,0.06118090249156018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084331607296012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275337613894325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876613922283948,0.05720277708343746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902278343557023,0.0,0.0,0.15790387436122585,0.0,0.0,0.1848625324077561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046399094674016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350559367429622,0.0,0.07511496643641365,0.0860770263462916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236437185400627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796587474588756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152116009782667,0.0,0.06631926130765722,0.0,0.07596509460682993,0.0,0.0,0.054816679232326096,0.3172185180059179,0.08106669353728009,0.0,0.04811286025954457,0.09483432094542264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601959082065181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733431717160976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30077989278539946,0.053134414799202785
bpd,azybko,2019/05/07,"DAE feel when they finally get their life together, they decide it’s not the life/identity they want? I have finally gotten a college degree and been working in my field, I don’t hate it, I just find myself wishing I did all these different things. I finally bought a reliable car, got engaged, caught up on bills, had a real career, and I’m more depressed than I’ve been in over 4 years. I am feeling completely lost a useless, like ending my life would be easier than dealing with my current responsibilities. I am so depressed. I have tried new hobbies and given up on every single one. I spent all my money again, called in for work twice, and just overall feel completely defeated. Does anyone else feel like they set high standards for yourself, and once you finally achieve your goals it was all for nothing. Maybe I expected a lot of satisfaction from these things, and only felt a brief second of joy. Now I am questioning every decision I’ve made. I lay in bed all day, my fiancé has been trying to help me find a hobby and I appreciate it and him so much, but he doesn’t understand I have zero motivation to even try at this point. I wish I could change everything about myself. Anyone else relate to this and/or have advice for this?",5.102647058823528,6.469906827731093,5.933865546218487,77.45525210084034,68.95798319327731,9.129411764705884,29.12605042016807,9.478462496947786,2.6756319327731086,987,36,179,21,17,324,151,238,0.062,0.8220000000000001,0.11599999999999999,0.85,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,5,7,9,10,1,0,8,0,19,2,0,2,4,39,39,12,0,6,4,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,11,9,0,0,12,0,4,3,3,6,0,4,15,5,32,4,24,21,8,28,0,5,0,0,13,12,0,2,14,124,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147445517535868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521927713792385,0.2127994319433256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603560322168956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098524252221962,0.0,0.21775541490440906,0.0,0.0,0.08291041237720953,0.0,0.0,0.06697032736525124,0.10705786594207764,0.17888013649408627,0.0,0.0,0.10849412974343778,0.0,0.0,0.09087395751525093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349547761343104,0.0,0.09197432720244322,0.0,0.0,0.06858750963666661,0.0,0.1749848907943398,0.0,0.09332764770218438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100251378951732,0.07418566275626932,0.09970583733106876,0.4550209667053367,0.18982176038225168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425382985639558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083052960387302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252374409491068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960396426559498,0.10971613081634816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004274725605047,0.10146516635861176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335721121162767,0.08828384648800157,0.0,0.09825902603749212,0.0,0.0,0.10432453614843258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633676201681168,0.0,0.0,0.1002924906645331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964043155645247,0.0,0.0,0.11058970825930252,0.07036689664574465,0.07897749675208172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981654683868816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632824360309404,0.0,0.0,0.11819639124912748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797772717265133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115083199170874,0.0,0.0,0.1081045207543226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061249459322049116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882930329069654,0.0,0.0,0.1511982948715545,0.0,0.0,0.07376728946249317,0.0,0.0,0.06687167018610178
bpd,jachcemmatnickspace,2019/05/07,"18yo with ruined sex life – I can't orgasm on my medication BUT the medication helps my BPD a lot, any advice? Hi, fellow borderline 18-yo here. I am having sexual problems and am unable to orgasm. I have read that this might be caused by my medication, Zoloft (in my country it has a different name, Serlift/Sertralin). I was being prescribed Xanax 1mg and Zoloft 50mg. Since it wasn't enough, now my Zoloft dose went up to 100mg, 1mg Xanax is still there since no addiction and my doctor added Olonzapin, an antipsychotic which should help me sleep (had problems from Zoloft) and support what Zoloft does. I am not psychotic, it is used to treat schizofrenia which I do not have, but my doctor said it would help. I only take a quarter of the pill and it does help. Okay, whatever.

​

Zoloft makes me unable to orgasm during sex which was never a problem a only appeared since the increase from 50mg to 100mg. I get wet but am unable to orgasm which makes my girlfriend sad. It is incredibly hard to orgasm during masturbation but I have made it once after 20 minutes of effort and at least 5 times of ""being-almost-there-but-actually-not"".

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I know I should talk about this to my doctor, but I only see her in 3 weeks. I started taking the Zoloft 100mg before 4 days. Maybe it's placebo or just the 50mg from earlier kicking in, but I feel a small improvement and don't want to lose it, since I have many, many scars on my arm

​

Are there any advices that can help me orgasm? Thank you.",5.358595305832151,6.018060101351353,5.833762446657188,80.9852062588905,67.91891891891892,8.393741109530584,27.741109530583216,8.371475516178862,1.8123000000000005,1194,36,230,16,19,385,156,296,0.052000000000000005,0.8190000000000001,0.128,0.9713,1,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,1,0,2,7,10,0,0,12,1,28,29,8,5,1,37,45,14,0,7,10,0,3,0,2,4,19,1,0,0,18,8,0,0,2,1,0,3,7,6,0,1,7,5,30,4,26,32,4,19,0,3,1,8,13,8,0,4,8,142,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343831487856223,0.0,0.16751280179047678,0.0,0.0,0.08582780417848451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27860550612951585,0.3124469915815561,0.11657367851956045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729342737627857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079507821030937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804944180087469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527690271601905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955039778107646,0.0,0.2631884180974994,0.15001362862074247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856301331540814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04333836929014995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478078266792981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678077404389158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28725345333722385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047104863573589166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054065042418279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588937610118488,0.0,0.07286895235105763,0.0,0.08110240515359109,0.1144263408453422,0.17379625489554226,0.08610884047377221,0.0,0.0,0.2590363127493268,0.0,0.09092648155865607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661060835773624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128007559978367,0.0,0.1955626428810643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24604332779537416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573481255040379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153137626163942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683010622416226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836061437529519,0.0,0.08577351767465725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066712421243255,0.0,0.06844940866882562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972645281160519,0.0,0.0,0.1288889392402365,0.06889175166463939,0.0,0.07891174192301083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049979133595888535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402731806820814,0.0,0.0,0.050554932871813854,0.0,0.06875268972950048,0.0,0.0,0.07945552838015478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088707407690532,0.0,0.3124469915815561,0.0
bpd,tunamutantninjaturtl,2019/05/07,"Things were so much easier before I started dating. As a teenager I would get crushes on fictional characters because I had zero interaction with guys in the real world. This worked ok for me cause I always told myself “when I grow up I’ll find someone.” I also never liked guys my age anyway. 

But then I grew up and started dating and realized that I’m drawn to narcissist/abusive/fuckboy men exclusively. They can even be ugly, but with the right personality I’m head over heels. Obviously in the real world this is not good. When I was 13 and crushing on Snape (yes this should give you a good idea of the type of guys I’m drawn to) there were no consequences, but try to date someone like that in real life and you’re in BIG trouble.  And romantic relationships inevitably result in the guy becoming my FP and me being completely emotionally dependent on them and basing my entire self around them. So when they leave me, I feel that my entire self has been shattered. 

I wish I could go back to being a kid and not “needing” real world romance, but unfortunately my sex drive and need for companionship make that impossible.",6.056438631790744,7.071328061032865,6.7970925553319965,73.42911971830989,66.51173708920189,9.653789403085176,30.70724346076459,9.784248007369934,2.9633356136820916,899,33,159,19,14,297,133,213,0.136,0.78,0.084,-0.8638,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,4,1,11,7,0,0,8,2,14,4,2,4,2,38,28,21,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,9,8,12,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,6,1,25,6,23,16,1,33,0,0,0,1,19,17,0,1,14,108,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167802574514212,0.09539014137424777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205441622432666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815152519629381,0.0,0.0698838299586101,0.12661150731813578,0.09755068494129226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776744887197887,0.0,0.0,0.12019846088890533,0.0,0.0,0.09153117008621628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895521574165966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571901803819038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796571886412541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477940790214194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989496838854728,0.10997368490604,0.06515288019380258,0.1923101490569624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540487687742467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765430290472988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294152541391299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213878152537164,0.0,0.0,0.08097402786073614,0.11201518764064433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652347345703217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427401272837533,0.17000906628302767,0.08841787816701925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009972747204474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5219442856841798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308107362122855,0.0,0.0979024239556091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391902420787489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942691729428036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228637689845452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616210347918277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095439814331818,0.0,0.07783342465641206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183100261048916,0.0,0.0,0.0834597033583101,0.0,0.0,0.08143737469151231,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ktitten,2019/05/07,"Feeling like the most rational and normal one... Obviously my slightly traumatic childhood has left me with BPD. My mother and sister definitely have some mental illnesses between them, but do not wish to get them checked out, and I've hidden my BPD diagnosis from them as a result of everything. I think my sister might have BPD, she is super wildly unstable and goes through identity crises every so often. But anyway.


On Sunday, I had a long day after getting 2 hours sleep - due to going out drinking and then went to work. I was exhausted. It was 9pm or so and my sister shouted to me to help. She cut her foot pretty badly on a smashed mug. She had a big moment of anger a few days prior and smashed a few mugs and glasses in her room and didn't clean up. I offered to clean up because obviously its a safety hazard but she said no. I then had to bandage her foot up and clean up the blood while she was laughing because it was so funny she was bleeding and she was taking photos of the cut and her blood and sending it to her friends. I thought it was the adrenaline at first but nope, she continued to be like that. I thought WTF, this is not normal behaviour, but I went with it because her behaviour is never normal. 


It's hard to really confront my BPD as a result because I am so often the most 'rational' or normal one in situations, or at least it feels like it. I function a lot better than the rest of my family so I often dismiss my symptoms. I can't wait to get out of this house, in september, and hopefully be able to heal a bit.",4.066902030008826,5.155374809061492,5.544685201529862,80.32643645189764,71.13592233009709,8.336628420123565,29.25581053250956,8.710501217029153,2.284921035598705,1212,47,234,21,22,410,158,309,0.138,0.7170000000000001,0.145,0.4965,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,3,4,9,14,4,0,16,0,23,11,5,2,3,54,39,32,0,6,10,4,3,3,1,1,5,2,4,0,12,19,1,1,5,1,1,4,7,6,0,3,16,5,39,8,40,20,9,37,0,0,0,0,26,17,0,12,19,180,51,1,0.10484044900008692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753739572659228,0.2556390584663471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272285737185827,0.1144586168698674,0.0,0.5281715016068194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522683274222036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270372684429477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833260001406114,0.0,0.09422383541010193,0.0,0.09883424475626508,0.0,0.10602096223494324,0.14979607542754864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917723236170573,0.0,0.0,0.08099947082948887,0.0,0.16432442241776468,0.0,0.05958324321584471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939164495412533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702723430229404,0.0,0.0,0.10413022167763007,0.10324672376485287,0.1209718019979718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390945459760812,0.0,0.0,0.15365924305743558,0.0,0.0,0.09278049822854624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913160060993873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565451385531874,0.11121914859031816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085941747753392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108855211402849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208520306921038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666042745486164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716347622258023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972727522033066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784505731871656,0.10491616351852366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896936920205376,0.07882697009320103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717752644746561,0.0,0.1664632114285501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943762931491856,0.0,0.0,0.12056134231616986,0.0,0.0,0.07632509551578445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Randomette1,2019/05/07,"My parents won't take me to the psychologist. At first I thought I was just depressed, but I'm now suspecting BPD. I seem to meet a lot of the criteria, and seem to fall more into the quiet BPD spectrum. I'd like to go to a professional to get it checked out, but...

I've already been to a professional before, but they were of no use. My parents are reluctant to take me again, thinking that it would be a waste. My dad says I should try exercise and a lifestyle change, and although those things could help, I feel like my state is a bit too severe for this to be the only solution. I'm caught in an awful place and don't know what to do.",5.670526315789473,4.614045526315792,6.547819548872184,81.959022556391,67.42105263157895,10.006015037593986,32.53383458646616,9.23628265651192,2.4919503759398487,497,18,111,8,7,166,87,133,0.149,0.758,0.094,-0.765,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,11,1,13,1,0,1,0,22,27,8,0,3,4,3,1,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,1,1,3,3,1,0,1,5,3,12,2,17,16,3,12,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,3,5,76,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898908864710748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464245737966011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878631583186613,0.0,0.4334490890213128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203430238669052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738922055795133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482093854171806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700713567107353,0.12293160883445985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636832926816212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990295889907825,0.0,0.0977951381862658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533936599768052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456883871830843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813593998748982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629343298476294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087206310132016,0.0,0.0,0.3821415606322761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978349755092413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684227619858666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31330427881853284,0.0,0.1943976596432856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587604842234987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432009470875006,0.11025978324379616,0.0,0.13660965638956318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168287648549444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148618995408076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223833064314345,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GordoGabbles,2019/05/07,"Reaching out? I've not been okay lately? And I guess the fact I haven't spoken about my BPD much hasn't helped. So I'm here, I guess, reaching out to see if anyone is also looking for someone to talk to?",0.9831818181818156,2.623453681818184,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,80.36363636363637,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.5321636363636362,158,4,36,0,4,52,34,44,0.042,0.8540000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.3557,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,7,8,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,1,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258717500414364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749262318477676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557305122966474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6222916345899581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893174206316441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31861108845653346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718327932083905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763011183169008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507268023694388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393153523706777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22701918073434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fairykris,2019/05/07,"losing your fp i have alot of friends but as many people who suffer from bpd have someone they favor. my fp happens to be my best friend of a few years now, but that ended tonight.
she has known of my bpd and we have had our fairshare of fights (mostly caused by me).
rather recently i keep slipping into bad episodes of evil, toxic behavior but always pull myself out within an hour. 
tonight was the night she called it off. and it hurts more than anything in the world.
in all honesty its taking all of my brain power to not throw a tantrum and scream and do something i will regret. 
i feel so much guilt that i am the one crying when im the one who made the mistakes and was the bad friend. i feel like an asshole. 
i want to call her so bad and beg for any sort of forgiveness or clarity but the fact that i might hurt her more holds me back. 
this fucking sucks so much. why do i hurt the people i love the most and would take a bullet for.",3.343159057437412,4.340786541237115,3.7431516936671603,92.90711340206188,72.76288659793816,6.36759941089838,23.65095729013256,6.1826913282559595,0.3636668630338735,735,19,163,4,14,229,125,194,0.25,0.583,0.16699999999999998,-0.9768,1,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,2,1,1,3,7,25,5,1,15,0,14,3,1,2,3,37,25,17,0,5,7,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,17,0,2,4,3,25,8,22,17,11,19,0,6,0,2,18,7,2,6,11,117,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306981531860064,0.0,0.0,0.08423589042635646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193450731570104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524843229226866,0.310278985282014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299939887899943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120200157756837,0.13827995643474802,0.2529703673550089,0.0,0.0,0.12724867613053506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606544755537092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097121091063527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252648513161394,0.08849279765350324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28710510986471033,0.11451587709317684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109537887494871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198706018742572,0.0,0.3978163926812358,0.0,0.1338009240921241,0.0,0.0,0.11010140335047433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051665579204439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857891559895766,0.0,0.0,0.11179756793612801,0.11720884852553635,0.0,0.12558480155908885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314065616646709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211749773999208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162436628005538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678751207449616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717518097754139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230674327286732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049547022828802,0.09536122612894893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626974289377202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306177243411525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111773464970203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879937386459508,0.0,0.0,0.07976825923861433
bpd,assmeier,2019/05/07,"I do no understand how my friends bear to be with me For years, they had to deal with me constantly pushing them away because of one small negative thing or no reason at all and then later have me realize that I was wrong, apologize, ask for forgiveness, etc. etc., all because my lack of ability to control how I feel about them sometimes. I'm afraid of them completely leaving me to rot by myself, and it's getting worse with this repeating cycle. I absolutely detest the way I am emotionally...",4.976094224924012,6.578669223404257,5.966291793313069,76.20500000000001,69.53191489361701,10.052279635258358,33.641337386018236,10.290406445055957,3.786320972644377,393,19,71,11,7,130,69,94,0.162,0.7509999999999999,0.087,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,4,2,17,11,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,1,16,2,16,8,5,10,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,5,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237133682061802,0.0,0.1933318730530687,0.0,0.0,0.25087639424935426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575059981679875,0.2223690818750628,0.23079354732608526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214442637166311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314685640732345,0.0,0.0,0.4589858200791394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040457466864398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898083258261575,0.0,0.10750865909823017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788543511922315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943809539919458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115704102230124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035161964759556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367074036341467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421846346178205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333418343696451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970174825507185,0.0,0.22498206224697972,0.0,0.13251200168534102
bpd,animebabyg,2019/05/07,"Awareness/Behavior Milestone I’m really proud of myself today. 

I was talking to my bf who just got home from work around midnight and had to change a flat tire on the way back. He was generally annoyed when I called him and that’s understandable given that he worked 12 hours and didn’t get much sleep the night before. 

It’s about a week before I get my period and I’ve been experiencing exacerbated symptoms all day. At first I took it personally when he spoke to me in a really harsh way and ended up seeking reassurance from him, asking him if he loved me and if he would ever leave me. I was selfish. I thought that he should’ve been more considerate of my feelings but really it was me who lacked consideration. 

After about 25 mins I said, “I’m not well, let’s talk tomorrow”. 

This is a huge milestone for me because I would have never been able to give up on the conversation before until I felt completely secure. But this time I truly broke through and recognized that my reality was distorted, and that continuing the conversation was meaningless when I’m in that state. I was able to remove myself from the conversation, even though it didn’t end the way I wanted it to. 

I know this is a small victory, and I have a long way to go, but I am so happy to have a breakthrough milestone. Thanks for listening and please share your milestones with me as well.",5.268771488469599,6.330165237735852,6.31544025157233,76.00590670859539,68.32075471698113,9.662473794549266,28.684486373165626,9.861636050157227,2.6562914046121584,1088,37,208,25,18,363,146,265,0.084,0.7859999999999999,0.13,0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,4,14,12,1,0,13,0,22,4,1,0,3,34,44,22,0,6,7,0,2,0,1,2,2,3,1,1,16,12,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,3,2,1,20,6,31,9,30,21,4,40,0,1,0,1,28,10,0,2,22,145,47,2,0.2352459010973635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470936350198436,0.10996158083183784,0.0,0.0,0.09044478854049673,0.0,0.07170185891772024,0.0,0.3002654027317979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010618354446513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442948543384065,0.0,0.12332542578000992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585707239998495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835804368953206,0.0,0.0,0.07768884950893754,0.10639669281228736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947369797163901,0.0,0.11293647826855938,0.0,0.0,0.10005002164899657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290627390686712,0.11283465208568155,0.06684783341877494,0.0,0.0940738186148034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521181804894982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798540978950993,0.0,0.11583491295136122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464249751565143,0.0,0.0,0.12454572121772944,0.0,0.1202774361347436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409260985718692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615930517678103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646640252343014,0.0,0.09071807068803474,0.0,0.0,0.1103811710927476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270382349040827,0.0,0.12911467819332248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260568220878061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118863613564456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770789643686555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225528264347273,0.0,0.18908174434570404,0.0,0.1082914097234329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556395170974056,0.09337948412458093,0.06858688836364812,0.13519027862068847,0.11149280382953652,0.0,0.13068342596920848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244963971732498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693770637391774,0.3734544929914119,0.09435003602314752,0.0,0.21151431698349413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126181776404034,0.0,0.0,0.1671119386049308,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ReallyLonelyAndBored,2019/05/07,"Can everyone please tell me how they deal with loneliness? I get that most of you do have partners, or friends, or whatever. 

​

I have one FP of whom I met in like January and I'm pretty sure they have had enough of me. We haven't argued or anything, but I'm almost certain they are getting tired and bored of me and need more of somebody.

​

I'm not enough for anybody.

​

People just leave.

​

My life is hell and people just leave.

​

I find everything so boring when I'm alone. I have no one to talk to, no one to really care.

​

And it sucks when you pour your heart and soul into somebody for them to just turn around.

​

I don't want to be here anymore if I keep losing people and if I keep losing me.",2.159942052980135,4.622463384105966,2.7820157284768205,91.92613617549671,80.72185430463577,5.364403973509933,23.344784768211927,6.6274283507984215,0.6769235099337747,605,21,120,6,16,188,88,151,0.235,0.6629999999999999,0.102,-0.9755,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,3,4,2,9,12,3,0,0,0,12,3,1,1,2,31,26,17,0,4,10,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,11,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,3,2,0,21,5,16,23,4,5,2,2,0,0,16,3,2,7,3,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346228824382942,0.06563881468099013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806779564377705,0.5390646563127661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285233760727553,0.0,0.0,0.052153359385350255,0.056418413326376635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461644156767428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533826325734969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096948087070998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055884547249005,0.05695860235112182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579248616749908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896443272074144,0.0,0.06622308387493044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510131351992423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112663674137055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342128677453067,0.0,0.0,0.044764610308550036,0.030962497209577288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418039127040804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046992781526003495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288364225417089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181160280531062,0.0,0.0,0.06956823188668249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447656102683763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060053083204073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059731486589954426,0.0,0.0,0.05093953228340484,0.055393748126837936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284182390035708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893530068698829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0373810299910104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390646563127661,0.0
bpd,Delightful_Dabber,2019/05/07,"How can I help him? I understand that diagnoses are not supposed to be made on this subreddit, but I’m hoping for some advice here on how to help my boyfriend if he is BPD. I’ve been reading about high functioning BPD and it sounds exactly like him. 

I’m guess I’m looking for some advice to help me figure out how to avoid hurting him (extremely sensitive) or help when he is angry and self destructive, and/or trying to hurt me with accusations and insults that are weak at their core. Are there things that your partners do or have done in the past that help you understand you’re having an emotional response or disassociating so that you can try to control it without hurting your feelings? 

I ask because he doesn’t see the value in getting help right now, because he doesn’t want to relive the painful things that he would need to work through to get better. I am hoping that he will understand how important it is to get help when he knows how much I want to help and support him. Don’t get me wrong, if he is not ever willing I know I may have to move on but he is the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don’t want to give up yet.",6.010414715719065,5.739500643478259,6.393478260869568,80.73643812709031,66.47826086956522,9.68561872909699,32.47491638795986,9.265573868473778,2.6321973244147157,908,34,185,15,13,294,124,230,0.15,0.633,0.217,0.9349,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,1,3,15,14,2,1,5,0,27,3,0,7,3,47,55,19,0,9,10,0,1,1,1,4,3,1,0,3,13,6,0,2,8,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,4,22,5,27,46,4,18,0,3,2,0,33,10,0,13,8,125,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900851660981216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092615399611656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857912948215454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601968553800116,0.0,0.0,0.2449943183704216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908677962273478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987181372133906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953204306159462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940583275048056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595676602944044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917821824294877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325998778491555,0.09330186847105043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071442493502258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5215374090217805,0.1027618670818602,0.0,0.19320476477099266,0.0,0.0,0.31236058917318604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690449590371656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751694149803571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167496719765906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920309611551966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337333297956623,0.07149822121381562,0.07211799602231005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349284398865356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928468833219495,0.0,0.08492478554814492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728758584325292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306058936469783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775046361956025,0.0,0.10146471187656114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103709315633107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923212616481056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206802984093016,0.0,0.0,0.3037572226630673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210164314554094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375638922685314,0.10547569361579408,0.07080735970630606,0.0,0.0,0.06909161249427061,0.1063399255644214,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilskizzard,2019/05/07,"Does anyone else not know what they want? Everything I say I want is impulse wants. Whenever my partner genuinely asks me what I want either at home, with us, out of life, I stop and cant help but cry because I really, really dont know what I want. Growing up every decision was made for me, I didnt get to decide. Now I'm 20, living on my own and not knowing what I want.
Does anyone else experience this?",3.2325000000000017,4.135260107142859,5.3223809523809535,81.83928571428571,72.92857142857143,8.933333333333335,25.904761904761905,9.2995712137729,2.0530619047619045,315,10,66,7,6,110,58,84,0.040999999999999995,0.804,0.154,0.7061,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,21,18,3,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,1,14,0,8,15,2,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,40,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21610780866432264,0.3166770956903155,0.0,0.0,0.14446861453529716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420261275881164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974856012272074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27046783609346364,0.0,0.18111292913108346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581869860473034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020172681005268,0.0,0.13888537272885176,0.1511640984198256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073774028483141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035810154701518,0.0,0.15501040053013307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547838613870753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915207415798396,0.0,0.0,0.13645652802100502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622399461667385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799712861058832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289179678845845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919750910115718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588561288541475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5468896428973854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Adverb_Noun,2019/05/07,"Can’t explain how incredibly relieved and hopeful I am to have found this sub. My people! Self doubt is screaming in my mind as I type this, but I feel like I can let out the “inner voice” and be heard and totally understood. I’ve spent the last hours reading your guys’s real and morbidly hilarious posts and comments, going between crying, up and laughing till I cry. I get it! And I never knew other people got it. This is the mask  that’s always between me and the world. My mood has been lifted and I hope it endures when I wake up tomorrow, because knowing you guys are out there having the same damn struggles just navigating your thoughts every damn day... it makes me feel like I can do it. Thank you, strangers!",4.611857142857144,5.857216471428576,5.210000000000001,82.64500000000002,70.0,7.6,29.714285714285715,7.908726449838941,1.9488714285714293,566,22,108,7,10,182,96,140,0.139,0.695,0.166,0.6547,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,0,4,13,2,2,5,0,14,1,1,2,2,31,31,14,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,10,11,0,0,8,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,8,5,19,7,10,21,2,16,0,0,0,0,10,7,2,3,9,75,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402924244753303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277971911216748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704081833436443,0.1087359339300892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205653662408246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050297061618486,0.2409021320750212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486609722150427,0.0,0.0,0.08808887593672284,0.0,0.09582180498169296,0.0,0.13484839582937147,0.0,0.0,0.33388986368865226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33492456119410885,0.1660414387608155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926606065400861,0.13743514522586753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240949241841028,0.0,0.16474325360846515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125447920078134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024244952782067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300381602994906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377821845257665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614764743133451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686500953369747,0.19190879745211892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589123199018564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626199850766433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522834193751134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338531147452806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jordyneve29,2019/05/07,"Relationship Triggers BPD? Is it possible to have BPD that you can tolerate until the moment you’re in a relationship with someone and it triggers all of the bad behaviors? I don’t want judgement and I’m not self-diagnosing; I’ve never been diagnosed and I want to go talk to someone but am terrified of the diagnosis, but someone who used to be close to me told me that I had BPD-like tendencies. Sure life sucks when I’m single and it’s just me doing me, and I don’t have a lot of friends or support systems, and those I do I’ve managed to slowly push away. But when I get into a relationship and get attached to someone I get really intense. Like sudden mood swings, trying to push away but begging for them not to leave me, and lately with other stress on top of the little things that set me off I’ve had self-harming urges but haven’t acted on them yet. I feel like all I want is for that person to love me and yet I turn into a monster to see how much they will take before they leave with the expectation that they will eventually leave me because who would want to be with someone like me? I feel really lost and scared and I guess I hope someone out there can understand this and maybe have gone through the same thing and can give me some advice or even just knowledge.",5.176414092664093,5.48217606949807,5.940113416988418,81.30661800193053,68.22779922779921,8.946042471042473,29.701013513513516,8.841846274778883,2.1661445945945954,1018,35,207,16,16,334,131,259,0.08199999999999999,0.757,0.161,0.9396,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,5,2,11,14,1,2,10,0,22,3,0,4,4,55,48,24,0,7,11,0,2,3,1,3,2,0,0,1,15,21,0,0,4,0,0,5,6,5,0,0,6,3,29,8,33,37,7,28,0,1,1,1,17,12,1,6,12,148,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014569463731477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733439431646911,0.0,0.07702494994601683,0.05623478262969277,0.0,0.07849800971555565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34855717779098183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187263745721414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060930297077783524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328880807559006,0.06590346397757668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712721704193896,0.0,0.1445905524899167,0.0884946670687664,0.05242783713438267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162384558807724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162512827818307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040620900433312,0.29303849297021883,0.0,0.0,0.0651589481872431,0.18027488567603295,0.09245879884181957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070184194792707,0.07842770530930157,0.08325928422003748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267758829120383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781441128683101,0.0,0.07114893620234942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054919741828467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399808605472614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819550607611212,0.0,0.0,0.2971261345443577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235840697049054,0.0,0.07351135715512308,0.0,0.192473870971418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689790779308639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056721363486294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468427913418847,0.086944593352541,0.0,0.06936056728016778,0.07414710687435187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257368653975224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814888920562244,0.0,0.06263173783506461,0.1003415790906052,0.0,0.09603556974010599,0.0,0.07967443607973182,0.0,0.0,0.21764591087301904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553179850649847,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eelimuy,2019/05/07,"Is therapy necessary? Is there anyone who has made significant improvement and recovery without seeing an actual professional? Also, are there any Christians here who have BPD and see a professional along with relying on God as well?",8.701228070175437,11.57207894736842,9.22368421052632,51.494122807017575,62.15789473684211,14.540350877192983,38.982456140350884,13.023866798666859,7.17365614035088,192,10,24,9,3,64,33,38,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.8196,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,21,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.2995874303404804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455075560410327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877032930769915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466133434275128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866553859309667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904905472073712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892780407150515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510809220590639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760296072024745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959367637676573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ranaranamoo,2019/05/07,"Feeling Low, Seems Like there’s no way out. (TW: suicide) Things have been rough lately. I feel like I have nothing to live for, and that I’d have more honor if I were to kill myself rather than keep going on. I’m in a competitive field and I might have fucked up my life irrevocably. Sure, I could live a “decent” life probably, but the only thing I truly wanted in life is ruined. I want to die, but I literally just got out of the hospital 2 days ago so no thanks, I won’t be doing that again. Seeking any sort of words that you may have, practical advice, or solidarity.",1.8300548589341723,3.848453870689661,3.883072100313482,86.00550156739813,79.25862068965517,6.631974921630094,20.028213166144198,7.686295010490155,0.6359586206896548,443,11,94,7,11,151,86,116,0.166,0.657,0.177,-0.3891,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,1,0,1,5,9,2,0,4,0,14,4,0,0,1,22,25,7,3,5,6,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,3,12,5,13,17,1,13,0,2,0,1,1,7,1,6,6,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587899626888587,0.15954560455629485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239578915906878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370316237661418,0.0,0.0,0.11607526186215322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679573506678965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820113760670252,0.12858112793576376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663929837640415,0.0,0.0,0.1022894704937682,0.0,0.14395023146303465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599786988941922,0.19912643812227146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030306163827316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813856152936523,0.17586289657401047,0.0,0.31785963025494995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093535705767112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270020380659354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688649850428952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405398184464948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638513395356109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968740832347053,0.0,0.16963347912925758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657057587826405,0.0,0.0,0.23914771575419125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123193154170266,0.1428635020311712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,strawbs328,2019/05/07,DAE impulsively make an ambitious decision and then later regret it? I will be in a good mood and do something out of my comfort zone and then hours later regret doing it because it was so out of my comfort zone and now that I’m not in that happy mood I don’t want to pursue that impulsive decision.. it’s so frustrating :(,5.245153846153848,5.536007323076927,6.904423076923077,74.50432692307693,68.07692307692308,10.192307692307693,31.634615384615394,10.125756701596842,3.2087692307692315,256,10,48,6,4,89,42,65,0.19899999999999998,0.643,0.158,-0.639,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,9,8,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,4,7,6,0,10,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,6,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853336582038445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925983905908485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982736379995231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609587527997477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124431307341309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603463498039615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760822618958424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadradsoccerdad,2019/05/07,"DAE place people who they just met on a pedestal and then freak out when they stop replying to you? I just met someone super cool and I'm so scared that I'm going to chase this one away like everyone else. I'm also scared that I'm going to lose myself again. I literally can't stop thinking about them and it's pissing me off. I know if they don't want to talk to me anymore I will end up feeling like dying or hurting myself. I feel like pushing them away but I also know that's not healthy either. They have given me no reason to hate them. But they don't reply for a minute and I am immediately set up to panic and I cannot function until they get back to me.

what techniques are helpful to get your mind off of someone? How do you make it stop hurting?

(I posted this in another group but thought I would try here too)",1.9787475915221573,3.6577754682080936,3.5045317919075174,90.47895568400772,77.55491329479769,5.769402697495184,23.09402697495183,6.42735559955562,0.4658010789980733,648,20,140,5,15,214,104,173,0.21100000000000002,0.711,0.078,-0.973,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,3,9,2,13,14,2,3,2,1,10,1,1,3,0,30,30,17,1,3,9,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,3,7,0,0,3,6,9,0,1,4,3,28,5,22,24,1,24,0,3,0,0,18,10,1,2,12,97,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326309042945344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463742170500447,0.0,0.0,0.13843759732165162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623022603441109,0.1073375096236584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487429276787747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166110715397115,0.0,0.12363693851568905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338598663057918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116365865628672,0.19944887891930926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586195148634148,0.0,0.15866652083985427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781804369343612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356546888798534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29887190686663045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343205089316567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459256810248136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616756442873908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317863814993067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094796675451104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945910444659243,0.0,0.0,0.16378094925827255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677540664438654,0.0,0.14584376375896205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369039740839528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435236620507828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795115706710839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365514286212831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501150900097024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219863455304432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944481556193815,0.0,0.11082032959131306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477369732964268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233488481683855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991620391162919,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angelicaria,2019/05/07,I want to block all my Facebook friends? Every time somebody pisses me off over something stupid I want to cut them off and block them to show them how upset they made me like an 8 year old. I catch myself doing this because I have high empathy for how others feel at the same time and aafter the episode if I blocked them will apologize for being a bitch and how irrational it was of me to get that angry over nothing. It makes me feel like a terrible person.,8.756413043478261,6.240462250000004,8.001739130434782,78.6595652173913,62.3695652173913,10.93913043478261,36.04347826086956,8.841846274778883,2.8734260869565214,365,12,74,4,4,114,64,92,0.282,0.609,0.11,-0.9633,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,5,0,3,9,4,1,5,0,5,1,1,5,1,18,12,7,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,2,16,3,12,8,2,11,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,6,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628258500471324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22982674335673225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27584892184907217,0.1948722452279944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107471600677068,0.0,0.142514944849501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882043235248076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665305403511229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258108592771504,0.18208104775469786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617372938580545,0.0,0.2862340189452283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23817872392193015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999738663711567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181174175030638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217823825690562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565971681246886
bpd,adovest,2019/05/07,"Trying not to blow up at someone right now and don't know how to deal I feel so incredibly abandoned by someone right now and am trying not to blow up at them. Logically, I know nothing good will come of it, especially if I want to keep them as a friend, but I'm just in so much pain, and them abandoning me right now just makes me feel so betrayed and alone and like a burden to not only them but to everyone in my fucking life. 

I've gone back and forth with the whole idealization/anger shit my whole life but never really had the words to describe it until recently when I was diagnosed. I still don't know how to deal with it though. I'm trying to tell myself they aren't abandoning me, but it is so clear that they are (I think?). Ugh. Anger has never been too much of a problem for me, or so I thought. I want to blow up at them - myself - anyone right now, but it will likely just be myself and I'll relapse because I'm the fucking easiest target of all.",5.343042485153035,4.694413683417089,6.28957514846962,82.19132023755142,67.94472361809045,9.447418912745547,29.14618547281864,8.841846274778883,1.9748251256281404,749,22,163,11,11,250,102,199,0.207,0.7170000000000001,0.076,-0.9868,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,7,0,19,15,4,0,6,0,13,7,1,3,4,46,31,25,0,4,13,0,2,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,6,10,0,4,8,0,0,2,8,11,0,0,5,2,24,4,27,23,5,25,0,3,0,2,11,12,3,2,13,119,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324897178450899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944678281364626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836494231188067,0.0,0.07798071431100971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019439514764227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26376613001092314,0.0,0.12983922025690006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223597255174536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936349267785813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988330442459182,0.236525628253917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729579934013776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113703899669387,0.0,0.0,0.21090951645630396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807116907290177,0.12499349779588065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538964056883015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807634653985228,0.0,0.1973243109718402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274563290138422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729125689614217,0.13611916254668818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224050987420936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195079238467455,0.0,0.12630859591970553,0.0,0.0,0.43698240107099856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131118998306554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677759910499045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215952656005788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181039900515204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819679360336829,0.12568376383755728,0.10155662606159856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26055409622972603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090467859110052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856430718436882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psycholover12,2019/05/07,Hallucinations help! I feel like I’m going crazy 😰😰 I normally have auditory hallucinations but now I’m seeing things . I’ll see figures walking past my room and think it’s a actual person because it looks so real . Last night when I was out I kept thinking I was seeing people I was looking over my shoulders multiple time just insanely paranoid . I feel like I’m actually losing my mind guys 😰 I feel literally crazy. I always feel like I’m being watched or followed or somebody is going to hurt me or people are talking about me I’m just constantly living in fear .,2.964643734643733,5.422186774774778,5.354463554463553,74.64678132678131,77.64864864864866,7.63996723996724,28.108927108927112,8.575989854853784,2.565082882882884,456,20,79,10,11,160,72,111,0.17800000000000002,0.732,0.09,-0.8955,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,1,0,7,1,1,0,0,19,27,7,0,1,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,7,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,4,10,14,3,5,22,0,15,0,2,6,0,4,4,0,3,10,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.2940312486280132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253553886655491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183668814924006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280240384749184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952654162643235,0.3046987922570397,0.322879661994158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123917632810998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917018431575466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097954968902012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127718339242186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228023260024586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080438052891155,0.0,0.13302938467193276,0.0,0.2530212027997606,0.16854220386502106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211661290868744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141377662172261,0.14760798172383258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381536289739716,0.20888768260481225,0.1315444139383703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147612911329205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36015287692698217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210891980507586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008717825211436,0.19306475572254156,0.0,0.0,0.08784699271196196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,baby-shark-doot-doot,2019/05/07,"FP is my ex and giving mixed signals So I made another post about my breakup in another subreddit. Basically I dated her for about 1.5 months never official but still talked every day and saw each other every chance we got. She took my lesbian v card. She quickly became my FP. I “loved” her. So when out of the blue she stood me up and then broke up with me. I was absolutely crushed. Like crazy crying crushed. She told me that we could still be friends because I was special to her. Because of abandonment issues I took it. Whatever I could get out of her I wanted. In the hopes that one day she would come back to me. I have thought about her every hour and waited for a text every day. We still even talk every day. 

This last week we decided to go to the movies together. The whole time she pressed her arm on mine. The smell of her was intoxicating and I almost burst into tears right there. After the movie she walked me to my car and held me. She kept looking at me with the look that I knew she wanted to kiss me. I called her on it and she said “yea I do but I’m holding back because I can’t.” She then held me again smelled my neck and then left telling me to text her when I got home. I have literally been a bpd mess since then. I have talked to anyone and everyone about it. Including the customer service for my phone provider. I broke my year of sobriety that night. I feel so broken and consumed by her. She is my every thought. I don’t know what to do. We still talk on the phone every day and text all the time. When she texts me I’m fine but if she doesn’t reply within a hour, or worse reads it and doesn’t reply I’m in full blown panic. How to I get past this?",1.0793678160919526,3.204780270114941,2.45528735632184,94.67678160919544,82.50574712643677,5.59080459770115,20.298850574712645,6.816661863887847,0.1823298850574715,1306,37,295,15,36,421,170,348,0.127,0.7909999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,5,0,0,0,21,12,0,1,13,1,19,6,2,2,2,52,51,28,0,7,5,1,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,12,24,0,6,6,1,0,6,5,5,0,1,19,9,71,7,39,28,4,56,0,3,4,3,43,16,0,4,34,198,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773912916721527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375516472631195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126618974823325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474928959287927,0.0,0.1602376661092904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035477029039018,0.0,0.08947017937402853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547717771328566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991544805671952,0.0,0.09624684603712703,0.2825394028069625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057872418353491724,0.0,0.5167674990289663,0.08372500444222268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044303484371305324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769526920583854,0.0,0.09155603856623946,0.08405342892253824,0.049796667167671324,0.0,0.14015600491960112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789036056147484,0.0870267832214589,0.17257680052245514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145288652147804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815385584014798,0.07142228415818956,0.0,0.0,0.09519977248132824,0.0,0.0,0.04280687975783457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715806151790325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908079164693878,0.08290849882102158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993773170800435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757821968358019,0.0,0.0,0.08222576794747026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059373820430161976,0.0,0.0,0.10280360816446266,0.0,0.0,0.08364354364888339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391607993949739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876440666808131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074827304735017,0.08334702281471232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248046340440421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798949159237195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817036905797835,0.07658405261536391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912154974747784,0.1021842676789451,0.0,0.0,0.08372500444222268,0.19469887757026275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336151152267063,0.0,0.0702837638980668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782499766539243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929262773664927,0.06224298650281197,0.0,0.0,0.0564246361109735
bpd,arvanhanswyk,2019/05/07,How do you explain BPD? BPD is one of those diagnoses that’s just really hard to explain. I can list the symptoms all day every day but how the hell do you describe the mental illness when someone asks you about it?,4.467131782945739,5.517630441860469,5.093023255813954,84.0773643410853,70.16279069767441,7.593798449612403,30.6124031007752,7.793537801064563,2.0233937984496118,171,7,33,2,3,55,34,43,0.235,0.765,0.0,-0.9128,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,5,1,1,0,3,0,4,3,0,2,1,7,7,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,7,1,3,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405122173820436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480437604321093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318350381835933,0.0,0.0,0.2611230876215381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676061698789126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304629043482661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592671064498158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743324450838605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481340459513913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179835795897384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674014768868856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itwasalladream1234,2019/05/07,"PTSD triggers Im still trying to understand whether or not I have PTSD and if it is an underlying problem for my symptoms of BPD.

​

I have horrific memories of having cystic acne all over my face from 18-26. On my second round of accutane, my flair ups were really bad and sometimes I was scared to even leave the house to get bread at the corner store. I also experience significant hairloss at a rapid pace during treatment.

​

I now find myself in my mid 30's and still get anxiety about how my hair looks with a receding hairline.  If its a windy day and my hair starts looking goofy and I get super anxious and memories of shame, anger, extreme sadness cross my mind from those days of the accutane treatment.

​

To this day, I still get really anxious and dont want to leave the house when I have a cysts on my back or the back of neck.

​

Is this ptsd?",6.63982558139535,6.78466844767442,6.75986046511628,77.23281395348839,65.1046511627907,9.903255813953493,34.06046511627907,9.642632912329526,3.1406074418604657,711,29,132,13,10,228,105,172,0.183,0.785,0.032,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,2,10,0,9,7,4,2,1,22,18,15,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,2,0,1,1,2,6,0,1,2,5,18,1,24,16,1,22,0,1,3,0,0,10,0,4,11,91,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024944676466535,0.0,0.38071917272536304,0.4269641393955793,0.0,0.0,0.0672010238499923,0.19847921717723635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509444223234127,0.07334673030709979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063743775645273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995786684822314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029534395569112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802065526076676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592906063915855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028854654785919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358110830088506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027221866097552,0.0,0.0,0.09488744735940684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860298974860252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753499852072138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869819608841724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405560025912055,0.3080575755999982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255124363925767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794795936129322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868807434201634,0.0,0.06217699444276315,0.0,0.21045888812081592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130437190022354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964084607485059,0.0,0.0,0.09144952432365047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051813133077121605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269641393955793,0.0
bpd,depressedandpetty,2019/05/07,"I made a therapist appointment. I’m pretty scared. I know no one really cares usually but it’s nice to get it out of my system and tell someone something. 

I made a therapy appointment for tomorrow. I’m excited to start feeling better again but also very scared. I don’t really know how to open up to someone fully and I’m going to do what I didn’t do last time and start out being 100% totally truthful with everything I say. 

I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow for the first time in a long time.",2.291666666666668,4.1279824803921565,4.7947058823529405,80.87284313725492,77.13725490196076,9.239215686274509,26.03921568627451,9.725611199111238,2.7031686274509803,391,15,78,12,9,138,63,102,0.07200000000000001,0.725,0.204,0.9285,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,2,4,0,6,1,1,3,2,18,20,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,3,2,8,5,15,16,1,20,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,12,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398451690029589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466017689531505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829377817459865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571637831849676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842059681200276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487461336182031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136346369421144,0.0,0.09938385417527001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922102847035993,0.1425441154473581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547563208812149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309364511875735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184978723895555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779078109267311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405511236199652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906532650763526,0.350154992153809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963371549663959,0.13462509935474026,0.0,0.0,0.2475507693341097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528459382964055,0.0,0.19998150635680906,0.20304000642019304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30590801359706565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925969314286024,0.14428781083917205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BasilTheBear,2019/05/07,"Once people know you have BPD, they judge every little action as if it's the basis of your BPD It's really annoying, because then everything you do and how you feel becomes delegitimized and judged as malicious, every mistake you make is seen as an inherent part of your character, where otherwise you would be treated normally. They reduce us down to ""the BPD's"" as if we are a walking personality disorder, or a hive mind, not individual humans who happen to have BPD.

This is something that's very dangerous to be open about let alone mention, and if someone somehow finds out you'll be outed as ""lying and hiding the truth."" You know why? Because there are many other aspect to me besides BPD, but once you find out... all I am *is* BPD. I am no longer seen as an individual.

Any and every type of illness/ disorder is going to have influences on how you think and feel, but it is absolutely not what makes up our entire being, it is not consistent between every individual, nor does that render us incapable of combating those influences.

​

*Of course I don't literally mean all people react this way, but I'm sure you know who 'those' people are, especially if you have them in your personal life... It's frustrating and this is just a vent...*",6.885155015197568,7.307068229787237,7.777705167173253,69.19750000000003,64.57446808510636,11.139817629179332,33.381458966565354,10.914260884657429,3.8315288753799392,994,39,172,26,14,335,136,235,0.11199999999999999,0.8759999999999999,0.012,-0.9623,1,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,4,14,3,0,7,7,3,0,8,0,25,2,0,7,4,49,39,25,0,7,12,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,16,12,0,0,9,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,2,4,25,3,25,30,3,15,0,0,2,0,27,10,0,6,1,128,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267521378398856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695250459573516,0.1087290729033629,0.06085007216523965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909343739792393,0.09882461046889184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6761882748855798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510569946271104,0.0,0.07830532795454294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015660291550763,0.0,0.08041965223446024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048845098894023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356782081540056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508540506503917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912765360648788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475290674972934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915002703375214,0.06320299734942188,0.0,0.08968335709375881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945837493452782,0.09071957569450477,0.0,0.0974709190847581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035018859004576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767227149706443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058845043011552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689908168766788,0.0,0.18610434281242694,0.15626251965566926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573237480428255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581686589492308,0.06888675910401093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433467783144878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573357398514181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526898117369725,0.0,0.0,0.07383110366910317,0.0,0.07102576377915787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074258341866651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356465539325508,0.0,0.1087290729033629,0.0
bpd,CristyTango,2019/05/07,"I’m tired of seeing a crap ton of misinformed dickbutts. I’m tired of us being called “A BPD” rather than “a person WITH BPD” like we are nothing outside of this disorder. Like we are abusive animalistic savages. We are grouped together with what the media shows rather than what we tell them and what is true. I’m not invalidating anyone’s experiences, I know some of us are harder to be around than others, but we are TRYING. We were put through a lot and have to carry this burden probably for the rest of our lives- taught to cope badly by the trauma we’ve experienced and still constantly being insulted, invalidated, bullied, and ignored. No one cares WHY we are like this. Just their IDEA given to them by lazy writers in books/tv that they take as gospel.

*Something I actually read today- was “imagine having a nice time camping and making s’mores and all of a sudden your mother sets the forest on fire.” * WTF.

I’M FUCKING TIRED.
My therapist says that we can’t control how someone else feels about us. That we can only control how we feel. It’s true, but what if we feel like a shit person from hearing all the time, and being misunderstood when we try to express why we feel a certain way calm or not. 
We can’t control how someone else feels about us... but what if those people are ignorant assholes furthering the stigma, what am I just supposed to do? Let it happen? Shut it out?
My therapist ALSO says to feel sorry for THEM not me because they aren’t empathetic like I am and it’s sad that they are so close minded. Sometimes I do, but mostly I feel defective. Empty, but somehow overfilled and bursting with emotions. Just waiting for my husband to leave me with nothing and find someone who isn’t as fucked up as I am.",4.170720720720723,6.061234180180186,5.024204204204207,81.00855855855856,72.06306306306305,7.215615615615616,28.54954954954956,7.921354282810032,1.9394756756756752,1374,54,250,19,27,446,183,333,0.244,0.667,0.08900000000000001,-0.9964,1,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,19,1,7,3,16,23,5,0,14,0,28,7,2,7,5,78,51,27,0,4,16,2,8,5,0,0,3,3,0,2,20,31,0,6,11,2,0,1,8,12,0,1,4,13,39,11,39,42,7,18,1,1,1,2,40,8,4,7,12,183,59,2,0.0,0.10016290430857873,0.0824962327563974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760446679487626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911046194966357,0.0,0.0,0.07525614057274306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058513371884904,0.051533167556086654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294359832135906,0.0,0.08632205879378352,0.0,0.08619143508691858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135481391023907,0.2844473888618809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688709632062052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124017182880244,0.09509311015126312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269372349871452,0.0,0.0,0.2992122745923096,0.06039348056250385,0.0,0.0,0.07726558185272109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630678610489307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475607568857709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952797071957274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543234793821767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046459501971080785,0.0,0.0,0.08951281900894649,0.0,0.0864451405180574,0.0,0.20650332977352095,0.0,0.07464800515281371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718706090740642,0.0,0.0,0.05642931965764603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535859751768098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223168312762876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728467802168905,0.06429444366686575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586075356429625,0.14762945966729862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114553254242846,0.0,0.0,0.0849833591490742,0.0,0.0,0.08456020016814213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445494492562887,0.0,0.0,0.06736530148068938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677634739787272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148845987585377,0.06508096149457898,0.08360957422680965,0.0946326121138771,0.0,0.0,0.0675116154831973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635615462225827,0.0,0.07388934658209337,0.0,0.0,0.1963086958230924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858878594069423,0.2914896511166556,0.08013149767342302,0.0,0.0,0.1147905865107426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067519638596819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710179224217985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256357043910065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inoaz,2019/05/07,"i feel like, a lot of emotion but then none at all? i’ll be upset, angry, whathaveyou, and have a full episode like crying and feeling a lil s*****dal or mad and turn furious and i’m breaking things and then like, 20 mins later i’m back to normal? does this happen to anyone else

i don’t always break things because i don’t usually get mad that was once but like it’s especially when i’m sad like i rarely get upset enough to cry abt something but when i do it seems like a whole LOT emotionally and also it feels like a long time but it’s really only like 20 mins and like, i feel normal again and like, analytical? (if that makes sense) like i start dissecting my feelings as opposed to feeling them anymore",2.4905448717948744,4.475873930555559,3.889722222222221,86.90442307692308,77.05555555555556,6.375213675213676,23.57692307692308,7.321109707123232,0.950186538461538,562,18,114,7,13,185,85,144,0.212,0.573,0.215,-0.7605,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,5,17,3,2,5,0,6,0,0,1,1,28,22,20,0,3,6,0,6,11,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,6,9,11,7,20,7,17,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,5,24,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114087601874704,0.09483124203142808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130265093935237,0.07968969417821754,0.11677459072293847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763503755101958,0.0,0.06947437436838981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503789368274799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973493913313954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520637910342218,0.25639931127125426,0.0,0.11776032382751575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457565552962013,0.16283878818211295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908807685764584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078230846274576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6124738436824911,0.0,0.0,0.10085887667849157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378454062469053,0.0,0.0,0.07607511560359723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333061848613373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137314279662735,0.0,0.08667847254406931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301138595899262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375299237273848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773881555423822,0.0,0.0,0.08066776327378232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143172584933193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645617325496464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396541970049732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552062523199478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724218984362048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BobKain,2019/05/07,"Trying to think of a time I was truly happy. And I have to go way back. I think it was Grade 2. I must've been 6 or 7. I was playing house at school with this girl I had known my whole life, pretty sure I had thoughts on marrying her, even back then. I had previously had a deep conversation (for kids) with my best mate, and had plans to go home and get as much Sonic action I could in before dinner.

  


It's been 30 years since that day...",1.9697112462006103,2.825572840425533,3.581185410334349,93.30500000000002,75.91489361702128,6.648024316109423,18.74772036474164,6.868970318607317,-0.17484924012158046,333,5,82,3,7,111,68,94,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,12,2,0,0,1,12,18,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,4,5,1,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,0,12,4,11,6,3,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,52,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375940809989575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679503139759066,0.0,0.2303723018048512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752685570624399,0.0,0.0,0.14157199689110833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499064112518098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468994305298393,0.0,0.2495161219784172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336827213959217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201960811226872,0.0,0.0,0.2532961724987811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550532021967699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613721816824927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233303760479101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216557879342225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158890119062607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068946474437844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813186221259061,0.0,0.17427406065015888,0.1280036579185346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903941485624894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424445950790834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24508582038059604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136344043917912
bpd,v-killjoy,2019/05/07,"Funny how much i hate myself, and yet When someone says they dont deserve me, i cant help but think they sure as fuck dont. I give people 500% when i care about them, and all i get are empty words and broken promises. No matter how much i say i am horrible and hard to deal with, i cant help but agree that, you know, maybe the people in this world DON'T deserve me or the love i am capable of giving them. I feel used to fuel other people's egos... to make them feel special. And maybe they don't deserve it.",6.4087155963302775,3.9878674862385313,6.9853944954128435,83.80891743119265,66.79816513761467,9.453944954128444,29.13944954128441,6.742157984588678,1.3769324770642206,392,8,90,2,5,130,70,109,0.223,0.555,0.222,0.2069,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,6,0,6,7,2,0,2,0,9,2,0,4,2,21,22,13,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,5,20,5,8,22,3,5,0,0,0,2,15,2,1,1,3,60,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388242244564098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582483990054085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997559253157006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724657778321823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766649311038375,0.08910294320319248,0.32720541520153346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277519822424976,0.16837829460606435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22862600082206916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372730295304772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392390052967972,0.0,0.11384039248373205,0.0,0.3426715954887522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507410145349498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35470416268939403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712491271306368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450258134006874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073704048934412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092786191275069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472964857766999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bbpoison420,2019/05/07,"I simply don't know what to do anymore My grandmother died today. A couple hours ago. 
I cried for an hour or so and then went completely numb, got really high, and tried not to think about it. And now I'm realizing that I'm going to have to go to her funeral. See her body laying in a coffin and come face to face with my abusive parents for the first time in seven years. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't want to do that and I don't want to see her like that. I've had you deal with So. Much. Loss. I swore I'd never go to another funeral, but I have to don't I? I can't just not go. I would look so fucking insensitive. What would my grandfather think? I just can't fucking believe it. I can't go in there and sob in front of family I haven't seen in a decade. I just can't. Am I being selfish?",-1.0478517013712576,0.9287348826815672,1.9541315388522087,95.54418867445406,91.23463687150836,5.489182326053835,17.074911122397154,6.980632752743323,-0.05102458100558671,620,16,152,10,22,218,92,179,0.151,0.818,0.031,-0.9312,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,9,8,3,0,6,0,20,7,3,0,1,25,42,12,4,4,7,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,8,12,7,0,2,4,4,22,1,22,35,1,24,0,2,4,3,6,6,4,1,11,101,30,0,0.0,0.16624840874406935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437934359274405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713081100608014,0.0,0.0,0.13915316766957586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808512797509205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558565315969166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086755097137825,0.14711590728354546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525408397951654,0.15412765714978718,0.0,0.1446569316021177,0.0,0.0,0.14562313376256994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227496522937648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935048766737215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38915237100826255,0.0,0.0,0.3987166312681185,0.0,0.1122214262761362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824878762048552,0.0,0.0,0.27636082675033025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711256304967795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855002899962698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178278987121795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314647751121388,0.0,0.10821832717683053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155801401325941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988834289101702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362319170032105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981429406270158,0.0,0.0,0.08181785909559686,0.0,0.13300067595329,0.0,0.0,0.09526357326569107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552093150465058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007190716704392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993491959203237,0.0,0.0,0.0903572150921073
bpd,privatethrowaway88,2019/05/07,"Had an anger outburst at my girlfriend I had an explosive anger outburst at my girlfriend of 2 years last night. I've had a few in the past, some worse than others, this was mid-range in my opinion. I hate myself for this tremendously. I cannot tell if I should be isolating myself from this person or not, I'm spiralling with guilt.

I am never physical, I don't insult or name call, I just yell, and for some reason I can't stop yelling even when she's begging me to. This usually stems from a minor argument in which I feel she isn't listening to me, although she usually is and I'm not thinking clearly. I don't know why I yell. I always have that part of my brain telling me to stop, to calm down and hold her and apologise, but it's so difficult to act on.

In this particular outburst, it happened whilst we were parked on the street and I ended up leaving the car and walking alongside the road impulsively. She walked me back in a few minutes later and she held me while I cried, and told me it was okay. I couldn't stop crying, but she sat with me and talked through it with me. 
I'm not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, or something inbetween. She should be feeling immensely upset with me and dump mw right? She insists she doesn't feel anything other than the want to move past this with me as long as I improve on it myself. I don't know what to do with myself.",4.100210526315788,4.735192915789477,4.8340350877192995,87.12157894736845,70.71929824561403,7.964912280701755,28.684210526315788,8.032893268588372,1.6735263157894735,1091,39,234,14,19,352,151,285,0.131,0.78,0.08900000000000001,-0.9211,0,0,1,0,1,0,29.0,1,0,0,0,5,13,5,2,12,1,23,1,1,1,3,52,39,24,0,5,12,0,3,0,2,2,0,4,0,1,19,17,0,5,7,0,0,5,12,9,0,0,9,7,46,4,36,25,5,38,0,0,0,0,22,15,0,8,18,170,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590950290260005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463276648999784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711378889272573,0.116310427820184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550586718527207,0.14224178746498456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060309818080493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337924531643385,0.0,0.0,0.09200692665551533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113041524670544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683898073315545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318332044435258,0.0,0.0,0.13753079319192074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311225652962332,0.11354882078667168,0.0,0.14749953319902884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327690757487116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805480483949654,0.0,0.0,0.1074374370180838,0.0,0.0,0.13072445244168485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084929334132058,0.2659569309408644,0.0,0.12163216748416247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322451947990786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896220227971895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072406337648124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493853543923757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312894439603452,0.0,0.0,0.11196478190805688,0.2435102424413815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509064830197866,0.08925838809976007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310797374831834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30684050873956425,0.0,0.08216327639516878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569738989392906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419595117118246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970520852466247
bpd,pbandjwithbacon,2019/05/07,"Helpful things to do for a person with BPD Hello Everyone, My wife was diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago. She has been going to therapy ever since, we currently hit a rough patch so we have had couples therapy that has helped a lot. We honestly just have commination issues but we are working on that.

The question I have is: What things can I do to help my wife feel more loved?

We did love languages test and she got quality time and affection so that helps but I sometimes can't think of things to do for her.

So I am asking you BPD people. Help me out.",1.6981845238095268,4.076046258928572,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,81.94642857142857,6.947619047619049,22.72619047619048,8.07648339933343,1.3498190476190477,439,15,90,9,12,144,78,112,0.0,0.754,0.24600000000000002,0.9861,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,5,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,17,3,0,1,1,19,25,7,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,16,3,12,19,2,8,0,0,0,2,22,2,0,2,5,67,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233843851267505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290216697757237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214601297730095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270656411373604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400782760586646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483886518737147,0.0,0.1318754400521193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978251642064619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843484081744459,0.0,0.11038001698449786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625293741485581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404764424203922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733203042202812,0.24912066037110275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095679461237538,0.12050589577598199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154603923145038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141641385427866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364964236861183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156552489877612,0.0,0.2750651595881256,0.08843188636659279,0.0,0.0,0.08047533324327104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047366329942964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887456938924697
bpd,Mairara92,2019/05/07,"I cursed myself very badly Today I had a major breakdown. I was feeling ugly, a failure, that I will be forever ugly, no-one will ever love me etc. I was telling my mom that she should have never gave birth to me, that she and my dad were selfish for wanting children and I didn't ask to be born to suffer like that. Then I said with my whole heart loud that ""I wish I get cancer and die"". I really wished it with my whole heart, it was scary now that I think about it.
What is wrong with me? Am I losing my mind? Lately I had the worst breakdowns and everything triggers me. My friends also make me mad if they tell me things I don't like, example ""oh you don't have problems, mine problems are way bigger"". I almost feel like I hate them at these moments. And literally, if someone I don't know yells at me or something, then I get psycho level mad wish them to die and stuff.",3.1745218869528244,4.0992199668508285,4.312928176795584,88.93954101147474,73.08839779005524,6.6742031449213775,24.4203144921377,6.67199483983844,0.7112810029749252,678,19,146,5,13,222,109,181,0.245,0.63,0.125,-0.9821,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,3,1,4,16,3,0,3,0,20,4,2,2,2,29,36,12,2,9,3,2,2,3,1,3,1,3,0,1,13,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,9,5,39,5,11,22,5,15,0,2,0,1,16,4,0,4,13,105,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761356551092384,0.0,0.0,0.10191437217587064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119139956983304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640775571432484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264526887332089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213019404020255,0.0,0.11527751155384935,0.0,0.0,0.11453558536399447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288758085210707,0.0910437423272409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846045605393246,0.0,0.1331651298159824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582141876210734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020359542034997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003813800281583,0.0,0.14375878808377565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867834319582879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425736717374591,0.0,0.0,0.11502030942499085,0.0,0.08506773232410696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867889191734005,0.14925714002291404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982902115231454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243887293716968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164184816668174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122539689030895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798018736044047,0.09811016410271753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588924102761938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277777562384646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466601343764105,0.0816589271862816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079898953537918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515201747150714,0.07516789343137882,0.10115658554022897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845662332569228,0.4396519369334966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933652310746614,0.0,0.0
bpd,temporexcare,2019/05/07,"My main BPD coping strategies Maybe this will help someone too, this is how I've been coping for years, mostly mindfulness

* Hearing about positive BPD victories  
* Reminding myself of the difference between the concrete past and the opportunity of the future (not dwelling on the past) 
* Breathing in for counts of 8 and holding for 4 over and over again to lower my heart rate
* Reminding myself that I am my own person with my own identity and other peoples perceptions of me do not define me
* Allowing myself to enjoy positive fleeting moods so I don't get overwhelmed and letting a negative emotion wash over me (remembering that everything will pass)",5.607870813397128,8.628854763157896,5.944800637958533,70.90011961722487,71.54385964912281,9.057735247208932,34.047846889952154,9.573946990214177,4.1259578947368425,529,27,76,14,11,169,78,114,0.06,0.8009999999999999,0.139,0.8654,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,6,0,8,3,2,2,0,15,10,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,12,2,17,6,4,11,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220101077093351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165163229038516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331113264910837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862493312175285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827166199439904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335687506355375,0.24557430904672345,0.13890515955061836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191168679642586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819527295092932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924813441387727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956582494299867,0.14367055987938984,0.1809494879148656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23475670041347746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755894259125833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345245654647614
bpd,ReleasingPain,2019/05/07,"Feeling guilty for being unable to function I am 21F. Earlier at university, I took participated in an experimental questioner about childhood trauma. Things were fine, till it asked abut sexual abuse. I wasn't sure what to put when I was asked if I was ever molested at any point in my life

The main abuser in my life was my mother. She has since died and she has abused me in many horrific ways. One of the things she did, which I find horrific, is when she used to shave my pubic hairs. I was about 12 or so when I started getting hair down their, and she would shave them for me. It would bleed sometimes. She eventually let me do it on my own after some time, but now my mind is going haywire. I am unable to focus on my final exams. I am scared to think of my mother as a sexual deviant. I feel like I'm spiraling and crashing, and that I should be able to fix myself :(",3.133725649350648,4.663493232954547,4.733311688311686,83.51818181818183,74.05681818181819,7.755844155844157,23.36688311688312,8.418075326091056,1.3452951298701294,683,19,140,12,14,230,112,176,0.163,0.805,0.032,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,8,6,1,1,4,0,21,6,2,2,2,21,32,13,1,4,3,2,4,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,8,4,32,3,24,18,3,25,0,0,0,1,13,10,0,4,12,106,40,1,0.15110425206161093,0.537101489828581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102756072987486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825241562058987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682235735519132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366824468714183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280570003425029,0.10794890786487203,0.0,0.1655273222160046,0.1381065488999748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894573510418025,0.0,0.08587602864546874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545143353592935,0.21345880382948929,0.07382190498671569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531959948403059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257221960198974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239215180572787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284235940875195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190150859638418,0.16927134414164913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128171666357446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499499877362047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944596901465387,0.0,0.10695236733852538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241396932269915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077390164862105,0.09682150339879757,0.0,0.0,0.08811010452533156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788238388692128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050555828875662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993952196251008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468025054356124,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sameoldcircus,2019/05/07,"Boyfriend and bunny Okay so I am really into rabbits. I asked my long distance boyfriend if he would ever go on a walk with me and the bunny (harness or stroller I use) He vehemently said no way, and when I told him that was rude he kept saying “Well at least I’m being honest right?” Which is complete bs, hate when people say that. But then what really set me off, is he actually told me that he would be “ashamed” of me if I walked a rabbit down the street. Now I know this might seem funny,  but I am depressed and feel like crying because of it. How can he say he would be ashamed when he supposedly loves me so much. I keep disappearing from his life and this makes me want to do it again. I hate feeling so bad about myself, I am getting a weird disappearing feeling now like I want to melt away...I think it’s dissociating? Tired of always having my feelings hurt so I isolate, but then the loneliness gets to me too.",2.222201138519928,4.192471580645158,3.6491018342821033,88.387770398482,77.81720430107526,6.3119544592030365,23.306767868437696,7.285733465282438,0.8222141682479438,718,23,152,9,17,236,115,186,0.22399999999999998,0.66,0.11599999999999999,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,15,15,3,2,6,1,16,3,0,3,1,32,40,21,0,7,6,0,4,2,0,4,2,4,0,0,10,7,0,2,7,0,0,5,1,9,1,0,5,8,24,6,14,28,2,24,0,2,0,1,18,7,0,5,12,100,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.1366993688224005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655905682832013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095732337253482,0.0,0.13161121108825716,0.0,0.11696222851901256,0.08539240208868522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687282177787853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387298584899234,0.0,0.0,0.12065201877267555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671176606395912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283317727464949,0.20014854977100693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637363827234756,0.0,0.07961156316189652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766030245642861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996017789313407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451090254053993,0.0,0.0,0.07698514687335599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894372918484363,0.136873522082499,0.0,0.0,0.12396774825023127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264290523278299,0.0,0.09350551076745377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486043691971416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297604445535644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711489680124856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947963356397428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962886345561954,0.13324961585937795,0.3341953715751723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275249661928336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975858985148671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100311490817154,0.0,0.2677078149402496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098546777910572,0.0,0.0,0.16524743464033312,0.11119020032640832,0.0,0.0,0.12595012093127492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985297048898111,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway4reddit609,2019/05/07,"My boyfriend is going on vacation for 10 days in August with his family and I'm devastated already. I feel like anyone else I told this to would think I'm an obsessive clingy crybaby. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and we live together, and he's going on vacation in Canada with his family in August. This is the 2nd time within our relationship (1st time was 3 months in, not living together) he's going on vacation and the 1st time I lost my shit. I cried everyday and my mental health spun out of control. I was angry, upset, and lonely all at the same time. I barely had contact with him because he was busy, which I logically expected but my emotions didn't care about logic. This time, he asked me if I wanted him to go, as my response would factor into his decision, and I told him no but I also said I felt bad for keeping him from going. He told me he probably wouldn't go then, but then ended up requesting the days off from work anyway and got them approved, AKA he's going. I just felt so hurt and stupid at the same time and I logically know it's only 10 days (not to mention months away) but the idea of being abandoned is so crippling for me that it's hard to function when something like this happens. Don't really expect responses to this but just wanted to post it somewhere that people would (or at least I hope) understand.",4.437298504563994,5.514033852398526,5.778535637987961,79.03759953389009,70.25461254612546,8.952495630219461,27.54729073606525,9.276330184999452,2.3299845018450203,1078,36,205,22,19,363,146,271,0.155,0.8140000000000001,0.031,-0.9853,0,2,1,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,1,4,8,13,2,2,7,0,16,2,1,1,1,55,44,25,0,10,11,0,4,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,11,17,0,3,11,0,0,7,6,9,0,0,14,5,34,4,34,25,4,43,0,4,0,0,26,16,1,4,21,136,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338112022926138,0.0,0.1139292001460417,0.08256192765103396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218862767921712,0.1057827808102616,0.0,0.0,0.09651655893860006,0.0,0.09699847923620884,0.0,0.08620206592289621,0.06293485997461781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526125513831122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579375275599403,0.0,0.0,0.11340557920159315,0.19974604431340545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624475127753675,0.11613242219988072,0.09144103445932616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946531767641126,0.0,0.05220183842531847,0.07375551363972109,0.19825543028150647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107203592101317,0.0,0.0825713962115571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912958271115792,0.0,0.09248381114609876,0.0,0.0,0.10974053766590217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254177839213516,0.0,0.0,0.11052180951264864,0.1165467162095949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176549698840794,0.0,0.0,0.05673864793694601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087684308902034,0.0,0.18232769202722895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126999345567402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404281841847167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481223643073692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851956324858643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157442913115901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887650392403402,0.0,0.11131144464633616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613893818628817,0.0,0.0,0.11084238139874987,0.0,0.0,0.09820599620879784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597557906080768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794800978266482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661527740835267,0.0,0.0,0.3612045445193472,0.0,0.0,0.29595409138176604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747770066038992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178863582562438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516080254172222,0.0,0.0,0.22001869857217307,0.0,0.0,0.06648392963376404
bpd,wafflessquiggly,2019/05/07,"He lied to me because he was afraid of my reaction. I've always had the feeling he lies to me about minor things to save my feelings or to not 'deal' with me blowing up about something. Today he admitted to ONE of the things he's lied to me about; telling me this girl he hooked up with during our break initiated the sex every time. Turns out he initiated it often. Doesn't sound like a big deal but I'm fucking borderline and that fact feels like I just got shot in the heart. He told me he had to lie because he was afraid of me eviscerating him, screaming and raging like I usually do to things that make me upset like that. 

Now I wonder just how many things I had a gut feeling he was lying about, he did actually lie about. I'm splitting and I feel like I cant trust him at all. It's not like he's ever cheated or done anything /harmful/ just stupid little things I know I'd overreact to that he said just to appease me, and I just knew that it wasn't the truth. It makes me feel like 1) a horrible shitty maniac that causes someone to feel so on edge around me they feel like that's how they need to act
2) like I'm being fucking gaslighted because every time I'd ask him if something happened a certain way he'd say it didn't, (to avoid crazy episodes), and it really started fucking with my head. 

I fucking hate relationships. I wish everyone could be absolutely perfect and love perfectly and respect and support in perfect ways, I'm just so tired of never being able to fully trust somebody. I just need someone to looknever be able to hurt me, I just want someone I can feel safe with. I know how unrealistic and unfair these expectations are, but they're not even really expectations, they're just things I wish were possible because it sucks ASS feeling so anxious and shitty when I'm disappointed or have to accept someone really isn't perfect. 

I'm in a full blown abusive episode currently, cussing him out, calling him mean ass shit, blowing his phone up and now he's blocked me everywhere till I can 'calm down' but I still feel fucking nauseous from how extreme  I feel. Just feel so stuck right now. Feeling not very okay. 

Feeling dysregulated I think is the right term.",4.751736111111111,5.840867738425927,5.45887037037037,81.5731666666667,69.5324074074074,8.26,31.06666666666667,8.548686976883017,2.3376800000000006,1741,72,339,27,30,565,202,432,0.264,0.593,0.14300000000000002,-0.997,1,1,2,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,2,4,32,45,12,4,11,1,26,14,6,7,10,92,78,28,0,9,21,0,15,9,0,0,1,4,0,1,22,18,0,3,23,0,0,1,10,20,0,1,16,19,45,25,44,56,3,36,0,2,0,9,38,17,9,6,24,199,67,0,0.1366539722648411,0.08095630565546337,0.0666772821789988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056853526022911036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719004582626154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056227287750460916,0.06082550382013735,0.06387650856867773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660598623266734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976949225622534,0.0,0.0,0.07019063629255153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054553538609274664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088424494926508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992222943635655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512932993331015,0.06180567075055441,0.11513686547062392,0.06528936333819117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518222657771633,0.19525125018151449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31583598836518245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054647332599067816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042132818356252,0.0,0.0,0.06745875302613404,0.07012320010783993,0.0,0.0,0.08096780754852999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314545182709628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510144934663768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30043002685428033,0.06848159024800568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061667772648155275,0.0,0.09121758762226656,0.06927283959373948,0.0,0.07442811864057039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132718889818444,0.05269798393040538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046300134119628036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702841054598791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313160507867033,0.0,0.0,0.07335761244548766,0.0,0.11670174564955528,0.06499461053431746,0.05433636181691387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013666937975536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23157293448219685,0.10520290415850743,0.0,0.0,0.04836219246159488,0.0,0.054566019386917165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753665415165223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059720797513557036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723604810558972,0.0437811737908762,0.0,0.0,0.07968403016976322,0.07853181925351196,0.06476599358874699,0.06528936333819117,0.0,0.0,0.07432014032408828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525252206097054,0.0563769193401148,0.04030102671206932,0.10846956246499434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571453240253886,0.0,0.07409770182652015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunbear888,2019/05/07,"Going away for training for my new job and I’m petrified, advice? Hiya guys. Sorry in advance that this is so long! I’ve been doing pretty well and for the most part I’ve felt quite stable since around January. I think this is because I decided to interrupt my studies and return to finish my degree in September (whether or not I will is probably going to be the subject of a later post lmao)

Anyway in this time off I decided to get experience in my field (I study psychology). I got a job as a HCA in a psychiatric hospital, and after months of waiting, this coming Sunday I’m going away for training. I’ll be in a place 2 hours from where I live Sunday-Friday, staying in a hotel and being transported back and forth between the hotel and the hospital/headquarters we will be training in.

I’m terrified. I haven’t felt this anxious for years. I’ve not been able to sleep, I’m crying every day, and I don’t know what to do. What terrifies me is being so far away by myself and having to spend time in a hotel room alone. I absolutely hate being on my own so that’s my biggest fear. Also, I’m rubbish at waking up in the mornings so I’m scared that I’ll miss breakfast/the bus to training etc by sleeping through my alarm.

Also, I live with my girlfriend and I’m going to miss her so much. I’m scared that when I’m away, she’ll realise she’s too good for me and she’ll leave me. Another irrational fear of mine that I can’t stop thinking about is that she wants to break up with me, but she won’t do it right now because I’m stressed, so she’s just waiting a month or two until I’m settled in my new job. I’ve told her my worries and she has done as much as anyone could possibly do to reassure me. She says I’m right, she wouldn’t break up with me right now because of my situation, but she doesn’t want to break up with me regardless. To me this has solidified my idea that she’s just waiting for a better time to do it.

Ugh, this is awful. I was doing so well and for a couple of months I felt like I was feeling the way most non-BPD people would feel. It felt amazing and I was able to see how my BPD brain is so irrational and ridiculous, i almost couldn’t imagine how I ever could possibly feel that way again. I felt in control for the first time in a long time. But lol here I am again, BPD rearing it’s horrible head in full force.

Anyway any advice would be appreciated. Anyone else gone away for work training? I’m guessing you survived it? I’m just so scared :-(",2.638740232062517,4.050131368932038,4.362372720814587,86.15900781434998,75.11650485436894,7.199147525455839,25.37650959033862,7.8500785054351265,1.3488067724366566,1945,66,408,28,41,657,221,515,0.135,0.785,0.08,-0.9648,3,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,1,0,7,32,19,2,7,18,2,45,5,5,3,1,69,89,39,0,9,11,0,8,1,1,8,0,1,1,1,22,22,0,5,15,3,1,8,9,12,2,2,14,10,58,7,72,57,8,81,0,2,1,0,20,36,0,6,31,276,80,4,0.1381813706279866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502923612658388,0.0,0.0,0.06918434121314808,0.07155711332482187,0.0,0.11050359216764674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698403523406736,0.07244760767954912,0.0,0.0780528085231092,0.0,0.09661962721998538,0.07079157186363445,0.0,0.06150535800536605,0.0,0.0,0.32456486589390265,0.05312647229297175,0.0,0.1263511214725622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061105096565239186,0.0,0.0,0.2610518985566283,0.07712805447192947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059515507690639013,0.0,0.0,0.07749107847986057,0.11032658052598504,0.07644752917409647,0.07589287356877544,0.0445577762977389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070375884979793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771640205673965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705437742295969,0.0,0.06249648038289026,0.05821188223386261,0.0,0.0,0.06758394770017373,0.0,0.1554924586642771,0.10480297931271487,0.0,0.3316894638387019,0.0,0.0,0.05876850163308976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03609703146368655,0.0,0.1570633146376411,0.057949988856015426,0.0552581325998195,0.0,0.07611117922610051,0.06841064088292463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821274785880722,0.0709069757953528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680404077755555,0.0,0.0,0.07799497397237826,0.0,0.0,0.20568553291951386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037970433771052185,0.0,0.0,0.07315705984009532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033754218939100786,0.0,0.1220166818645791,0.12228616469161988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654425775621275,0.0,0.10157920676385113,0.0,0.0,0.1334564288151309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481847935692139,0.0,0.047898781868150095,0.0,0.0721850609503561,0.0,0.0,0.1557787332506012,0.06616977810139191,0.0702900655140627,0.07449144437845663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348644837198885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700920325917802,0.0,0.054943686058741184,0.2075154869004344,0.0,0.05505633099407017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715252885517722,0.07766082507916576,0.1382811635612849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734136567129565,0.0,0.0736414777365226,0.0,0.05776290659859577,0.0791431465941205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854104277921324,0.0,0.0,0.20143667109581406,0.0,0.0,0.06601911063379337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749156028254708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150295255224888,0.10968194019111747,0.0,0.0,0.12424164711003845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029884177467776,0.07016494467803472,0.0,0.09816008107691566,0.0,0.0,0.04449213611511395
bpd,ExpensivePhase4,2019/03/19,"BPD is NOT a death sentence, fuck people who think we are abusive Since I can't link anything, let me take a snippet out of another BPD subreddt comment. I'm sick of going into subreddits where BPD's aren't allowed and all they do is trash talk us and make us seem inferior, abusive, or irreparable. The sad thing is, 58 people agreed with this. I'm sick of it. We are so stigmatised. And anyone who thinks so black and white like this man ARE the abusive ones.

​

""Relationships with BPD persons do not work out, because they are not emotionally mature enough to maintain commitments. They are capable of the emotion of love, but it is fleeting, like a toddlers love. They will tantrum like a child, but with all the cunning and intellect of an adult.

They will use your fears against you. They will make up abuse allegations and threats. They will threaten to kill themselves if you leave them.

Continue this relationship at your own risk. It will be a cold, detached relationship, with hot firey sex in between. Until she gets bored of you, calls the cops on you and claims you threatened her, and finds her next man to be her Favorite Person.""",5.440070093457943,7.182499210280372,5.065502336448598,82.56778621495327,68.57943925233644,8.153738317757009,32.06658878504673,8.660442795831766,2.559524299065421,917,40,169,15,16,280,131,214,0.221,0.652,0.127,-0.9742,1,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,4,7,8,1,3,14,4,2,11,0,21,6,0,4,3,36,35,15,2,1,7,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,0,6,9,17,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,0,4,25,5,24,27,4,12,0,2,2,4,39,8,1,3,6,113,34,1,0.0,0.4631371827731434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588147668920084,0.1187426239895432,0.0,0.1024697767384114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832932064211712,0.0,0.08041667487443567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059570272562619236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923084993237529,0.0,0.09978483400841856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984763441419192,0.0,0.10097269174775303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996413845928044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931591029537493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034218439533648,0.05105558172968496,0.0,0.055537523253708164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811463911446756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347322470344716,0.0,0.09992711153976752,0.0,0.14322573468407898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763953916925921,0.0,0.130460055608676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392819112032146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662187877292796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549591604959824,0.17065372783618987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147497686056507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896221219724287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083644249137575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347459534405347,0.07854504204845242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492198933407689,0.1252323047836571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23509446926710426,0.08440021729605712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114259879566512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187426239895432,0.0
bpd,PeppermintCandyCorn,2019/03/19,"Started another fight over a grain of salt. Why am I like that? I sent a selfie to my husband today. He's at work. I rarely send anything back and I got annoyed. So I told him how upset I am that I rarely get anything back. That small idea in my head grew to a nuclear mushroom. It started a war of attacks and words. I said awful things. Things like; are we even married? I don't think you're smart enough to read how upset I am. I wasted years of my life with you. You don't love me. You're fucking useless.        

To name a few. He asked me to calm down. Begged me to stop the drama and the fight. He tried to remain calm but I just turned into a vile monster. My marriage is probably over. I just lashed out at him.      

I got mad at him for always making me wait. For things I want like his love and his photos. We were supposed to go on a short trip 2 months ago but he got busy with work. I hate waiting. I want to spend time with him now. Not in a month.          

I told him we aren't a couple anymore over those small things and I hate myself ",-1.0501445044519069,1.040810294117648,0.9124945263465208,101.21803678295143,95.38009049773756,3.394599328565173,15.726317325937819,4.906252579359067,-1.0870077069041009,789,19,188,3,31,257,121,221,0.223,0.7190000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,3,2,0,2,9,21,10,2,11,1,9,5,1,3,0,30,33,10,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,13,0,3,2,2,1,5,4,13,0,0,8,2,40,8,29,25,2,32,0,1,0,3,29,15,1,0,15,117,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407485898970345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707939292354246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494143025480987,0.0,0.0,0.12762471260383354,0.0,0.0,0.21179983931446625,0.0,0.12030665884914718,0.14640209123389533,0.0,0.19790749164046795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239171253008698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296993391430187,0.0,0.08499774051582512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897072446807275,0.06723458799644727,0.0,0.07313681223095565,0.0,0.3087725744876929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541071003584435,0.13207183833026795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527399423694665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089670715429334,0.18861254608668115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229333763575066,0.0,0.08590077511292962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054363491662755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387482950525788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287236277562256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241252084368864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821731938719936,0.0,0.0,0.10758960139259104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419804892555743,0.08245858856877092,0.0,0.0,0.07503947576480151,0.0,0.12198193780942168,0.2459353317083899,0.0,0.08737124970462502,0.13997646345960768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180798013424224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612162820874132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737396213985344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287136973551093
bpd,Disvoid,2019/03/19,"Here goes nothing..... Today I got prescribed Klonopin while currently in CBT. I was prescribed .5mg 3x a day every 6 hours and I’m kinda scared but I’m at a dead end. Nothing and when I say nothing I mean NOTHING has worked so far, medication/therapy wise. I was holding off from Benzos unless I got to this point but here we are.... wish me luck!

(Withdrawal gonna be some scary shit lol)",-0.004230769230769482,2.3375010128205176,1.9219230769230755,92.86057692307692,96.56410256410255,4.651282051282052,21.884615384615387,6.42735559955562,0.6002615384615391,301,12,62,4,12,99,60,78,0.2,0.66,0.14,-0.7311,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,2,1,5,1,1,0,0,12,12,8,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,8,2,6,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,7,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976407857684113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447912058200498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564641016054458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970498029557241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828815847716677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022867075576515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7127541371732441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555083470473035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767972015637346,0.18592266149748168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906230627218436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236934926120554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760262095033817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355107979209667,0.0,0.0,0.13519513178516265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spacevagabond30,2019/03/19,"What if there's no Dbt available in my country? Pakistan. I'm 31 years old, male. BPD diagnosis at age 19 and avpd (self diagnosed but really obvious). 
Never had a romantic or intimate relationship with a woman either despite wanting that so much.
I can't tolerate the loneliness much longer. I've tried working through a Dbt workbook on my own but im weak. I have never had any kind of support structure. I'm just so lost. I keep messing up things. I'm so tired. Im so lonely. I hope reincarnation is real. (Not going to kill myself just now)",0.7097313084112145,3.239381953271032,3.3396203271028067,83.03036507009347,93.95327102803738,6.413317757009348,25.37908878504673,7.645422480735847,2.061561214953271,427,20,79,10,16,148,83,107,0.231,0.6829999999999999,0.086,-0.9601,0,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,1,0,4,0,5,3,0,0,3,17,14,9,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,7,3,8,11,4,11,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,3,6,48,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911949159590352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23913717538205334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271611398346875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079086504242775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858576813129604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41018874986407416,0.0,0.0,0.16876698462678869,0.21006526964939948,0.19772250126612784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072677503744149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791555784581382,0.0,0.2928820300192591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992387558904249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611593876321392,0.12163688456378592,0.0,0.0,0.2038515029225257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807793715794292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546452990333992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614254006063946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822996753015625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289106450488435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119914428878271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822909942609796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227136231657235
bpd,QuestForGG,2019/03/19,"This horrible feeling when... ...you get ghosted by a person you treasure, you do not know if and what you did wrong, you feel totally worthless, you want so seek support of your friends, but remember that their patience for your bullshit is a resource you have to manage carefully to avoid abandonment, you want to make a thread on reddit, feel like a horrible attention whore, blame yourself for being ghosted, start hate yourself as a result, and make a half hearted post like this to at least avoid feeling like a TOTAL attention whore.  

i feel so fucking horrible guys. hugs welcome.",10.074423076923075,9.122986057692312,8.747000000000002,69.39800000000002,58.615384615384606,11.781538461538462,44.83846153846153,10.793553405168565,5.068336923076924,466,25,74,9,5,143,69,104,0.335,0.457,0.20800000000000002,-0.9806,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,10,1,0,3,18,2,2,7,0,5,5,1,3,2,24,21,8,2,3,3,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,9,0,0,0,1,9,0,1,1,5,12,9,11,19,3,5,0,2,0,4,15,2,1,1,5,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946502780926534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945998952567676,0.2795263187751809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114871226820364,0.18086331551243245,0.1022122926166866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371145383672028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315110028775215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318308657414236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107517015389302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867351660250946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26117852205198017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082274038197182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736623061330146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161865916154005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847292259710506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220066246439599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23078362118987364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389842058101216,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadChineseTakeOut,2019/03/19,"Relying on my SO; can't cope without him My emotional stability depends solely on my boyfriend and today he's having a bad day and is in a bad mood and I'm absorbing all of his negativity and really struggling over here. I'm not sure what to do. I'm stuck in my room right now trying to avoid him and every time I hear him walk by I start crying because I want him to come in a hold me and tell it's ok and it makes me feel so pathetic to have to rely so heavily on him. I want to break free and just get up and go do something but something is keeping me from doing anything. So I'm just laying in bed, crying on and off, looking at memes, and growing more anxious and depressed by the hour.",3.2506081081081097,3.772752033783785,5.250918918918924,83.77651351351355,72.58108108108108,8.082162162162161,28.313513513513517,8.238735603445708,1.791046486486486,543,20,118,8,10,189,92,148,0.20199999999999999,0.746,0.052000000000000005,-0.9693,0,1,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,2,4,1,8,0,0,2,2,28,24,17,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,13,0,3,1,0,1,4,4,5,0,0,1,3,17,4,23,23,2,25,0,1,1,0,9,14,0,1,6,80,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075605295999187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119262462572786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068106858436375,0.11199898369928203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826554520481706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036335227099709,0.1184894665694854,0.0,0.1582447987558938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666945578600324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479890261593016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289848032120457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599038278513002,0.0,0.1044169498310092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707499420586745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809352326881032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330603429492466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542853849536255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263997639228767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770096672657125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569028485018445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828858341623146,0.0,0.0,0.13004374038765865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920725690650942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316162058907464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605865138096104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713337014929572,0.0,0.17415281705626015,0.0,0.0,0.12473936337655996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673526316087965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710739410179505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Slark98700,2019/03/19,"I’m a 29 year old guy that sleeps with 3 stuffed animals every night. You should never be ashamed of what helps you manage your BPD. I know it sounds embarrassing, but these stuffed animals have seen me through some of my darkest days. 

Does anyone else use a stuffed animal?

https://imgur.com/a/CurRh6D",5.731509433962266,8.699327056603774,4.12890566037736,84.34015094339625,70.88679245283019,8.013584905660379,29.467924528301893,8.841846274778883,2.516942641509434,246,10,43,5,5,70,46,53,0.114,0.82,0.067,-0.5458,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,7,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,4,4,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,22,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003113988012021,0.2935295693297249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608077879837607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847539833154094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506979776134309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393147968463016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413692516235239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28365729743388696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201951309684845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574402824894074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094874463289504,0.0,0.0,0.26883928415894004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006094501141942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866839181417304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474241720365916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448181342244896
bpd,emikossa,2019/03/19,"How to get over the “empty feeling”? Hiya!! Ok so I’m quite new to this whole reddit thing but I’m looking for advice that anyone has on how to tame the empty feeling I get quite often that is apparently caused by my bpd according to a therapist? 

I suppose I should explain the feeling in case people don’t really understand. It’s a deep, DEEP feeling in my chest that occurs at the most randomness of times and doesn’t seem to be brought on my anything and can’t seem to be dulled by anything either. It literally feels like a hollowness in my chest and it’s vv hurtful. 

I’ve recently just been discharged from therapy after seeing 4 different therapists over 5 years, all of them knew how much this empty feeling effected me because of how deeply I felt it and how real it felt in my chest, and gave me no help in resolving this issue. I am in no way blaming my therapists, I think they just didn’t really know what I was talking about so if anyone else does it would be greatly appreciated for some advice!!

I do the obvious things to “fill the void” as some would call it, but they, of course, aren’t healthy and I’ve just gotten to the point where just hearing that others out there feel similar things would help.

Thank you all in advance!!

",4.7218794835007145,5.7695579024390256,5.594992826398856,80.72296269727404,69.5691056910569,8.877666188426593,29.511238641798183,9.168548406835145,2.4508644667623143,988,37,191,19,17,324,139,246,0.09,0.769,0.141,0.9056,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,3,5,15,7,0,0,10,1,18,3,3,7,3,52,45,17,0,5,8,0,9,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,19,7,0,0,18,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,9,12,20,5,33,29,8,26,0,2,2,0,11,17,0,8,6,133,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256421617640547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209947057701892,0.1114407177048868,0.17900563856077215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630101714576601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698340149593613,0.0,0.11105935403476833,0.0,0.0,0.11172973277936653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363436053340495,0.0,0.0,0.0951793804494748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908576699064788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849574766848436,0.0777004282903646,0.2088593934686864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364853152513643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991177566801504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258399395985435,0.0,0.14580331652255593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643321984722828,0.0,0.0,0.11352048886848007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977339222192946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313618959312304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133366763949492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995344225060047,0.0,0.0,0.10504414450733013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540268549000148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281634824837303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313660322144768,0.0,0.12379629541904424,0.13935293973674978,0.0,0.1073905062004246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667016254414872,0.19802780489259972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741971381942562,0.0,0.10013451145041498,0.12438016035438487,0.3788472596837065,0.21677224609562595,0.06969104579752464,0.0,0.0,0.06342067737171518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322629266428735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633113951550468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143019188273725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317866999673317,0.0,0.0,0.0700399136558635
bpd,microwavednachos,2019/03/19,who even cares just at a breaking point. how much can a single person be used until there’s nothing left of them. ,2.7504347826086963,4.634501652173917,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,75.95652173913044,4.6000000000000005,20.195652173913047,3.1291,-0.3835043478260873,90,2,18,0,2,28,22,23,0.0,0.8640000000000001,0.136,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993137280837373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25868142341218403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255293515395357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879081389861306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757991622814096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419740595761572,0.0,0.0,0.3702362606072371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33826023379398634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,odd_scratches,2019/03/19,Dealing with being left and never seeing them again So someone I really cared left me and blocked when they found out that I experimented with acid. They called me a junkie and we’re done and doesn’t answer anything. It hurts and I’m doing more drugs to help. How do I get them out of my head so it doesn’t hurt anymore?,1.482012987012986,3.77875728787879,2.5689610389610387,93.4377272727273,82.18181818181819,4.983549783549783,18.51948051948052,6.1826913282559595,-0.25808831168831103,255,6,55,2,7,81,49,66,0.13,0.777,0.09300000000000001,-0.3702,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,1,1,14,11,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,10,1,6,8,1,7,0,2,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771068408197912,0.0,0.0,0.17235333429906424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138642126236047,0.0,0.21354059040456808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159260239883515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143323974377804,0.0,0.0,0.24288680986900696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048749567849772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964289408712116,0.0,0.0,0.10942506338927184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494843222644397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403848948925308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484250624771876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551197846279413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153497002297465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417423049414912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668985582669734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774599531127935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AberonTheFallen,2019/03/19,"BPD and Dieting... How the hell do you do it and stick with it? Little bit of background: I've had a long struggle with my weight; 33M, graduated high school weighing 195lbs, which for the way I'm built is pretty healthy.  Freshman year of college wasn't bad to me, only gained 5lbs instead of 15, but got hurt my Sophomore and Junior year, and ballooned up to 260lbs+ due to forced inactivity for said injuries.  Anyway, longer story short, I hit 280lbs last year and decided I needed to make a change.  I've lost some weight in the past, but always gained it back.  Last year I went from 280 to 230 in a few months using Keto, but I can't continue to eat that way like I thought I could.  Then I realized that wasn't really the issue...  My shifting sense of self is more he problem than anything.

​

How the f\*ck do you keep weight off with BPD?  Maybe it's just me, but I go from ""God damn, I'm fat and disgusting"" to ""Eh, I don't look like some other people, I'm fine where I am"" to ""Shit, I've lost all this weight I deserve a little reward"" to ""F\*ck this day/week/month/year, give me food!!!!"", all of which shift around my self image, self-worth, and self-identity.  I have incredible resolve when I actually decide to start, and lose 40+ lbs fairly easily, but then gain it back just as easy and lose all resolve for weeks/months/years.

​

What have you guys done to help yourselves lose weight and keep it off?  I'm looking for pointers, tips, tricks, motivational techniques, anything.",5.050719656283565,5.686499911564628,5.214804869316152,85.23533297529539,68.59183673469389,7.9581811672037235,27.718582169709983,7.85451343220497,1.4865877551020406,1170,36,240,13,19,368,171,294,0.135,0.7070000000000001,0.158,0.7332,0,0,0,0,0,0,77.0,0,3,0,12,11,20,5,1,9,0,15,11,2,6,3,43,36,21,0,3,7,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,14,14,10,2,7,0,0,2,4,14,0,0,10,8,23,6,33,24,8,32,1,6,2,0,10,11,3,2,19,128,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.07635408220879318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510461521451133,0.16955296173609652,0.19014811854995745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287749833519272,0.06965304174525618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032839129487588,0.06532980867868439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542131599493914,0.0,0.1970891575143402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277093712922629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247083317779696,0.0,0.0,0.05046039488578249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006996506356147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006233304047393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946119951130021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505801266652233,0.044467417010032935,0.0,0.06257823938532853,0.0,0.0,0.07747307518838202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052444771597162695,0.08266824284938043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376097014590837,0.0,0.0,0.08166557870286395,0.0,0.13909231286682505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275573115275941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645135633999832,0.15684049501441832,0.0,0.06924277502286508,0.13140917374793645,0.2626024005871926,0.17082340391418585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222794748517834,0.0,0.07860581689581903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490596087983392,0.0,0.0,0.058016345734879925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059507483836318514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469199340405823,0.054243987210319165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960146930777405,0.0,0.07486818103967713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012460121067557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442720629409261,0.0,0.0,0.07918630154356894,0.0,0.0,0.32649891171682016,0.0,0.0803155264381713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538094382876869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179678719430898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211636560809253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757700809048196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421162979274213,0.06276198018969123,0.476395729522706,0.0,0.07253223572454627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014811854995745,0.30231635564738385
bpd,klaurynr,2019/03/19,Anyone else on Aripiprazole? I've started it today and having awful nausea and headaches. Anyone else get that? If they did how long did it last? Just anything about it really. ,2.5234375,5.484276968750002,3.131,84.01400000000002,91.8125,5.0600000000000005,18.9,6.742157984588678,0.7775800000000004,141,4,22,2,5,44,26,32,0.106,0.894,0.0,-0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855815648450624,0.5650182233651966,0.2268951823780403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460659625017912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405302813206008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474970455721546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440047229396821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663416041361998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515699436676998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613516055128104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Soybeansandsprouts,2019/03/19,"Sudden overwhelming anger with no cause? Sometimes I will be studying in the library, when out of nowhere I'm hit with this surge of rage that makes me want to scream or cry. For a few seconds, I can't really think of anything else but this immensely uncomfortable feeling inside the pit of my stomach. It's never directed at anyone and I do not lash out. I just sit there fidgeting and clenching my feet, become incredibly restless .

Usually I will walk around a bit and then go to the bathroom which somehow seems to help even if I don't need to use it. Idk why. Maybe that is a TMI but does anyone else have sudden fits of inwardly directed rage with no cause or conclusion? It just kind of goes away and I can continue with my life.

I rarely feel this kind of anger, even when someone is irritating me or making me upset. THe closest I've had to this in the past is when I am cooking something that doesn't turn out the way I expected it to. I get really mad and then smoosh it all up which makes me feel better. Super random and illogical but yeah.",3.147947900053161,5.0860134306220095,4.2952711323763975,84.94828681552369,74.98086124401914,7.706645401382244,25.965178096757043,8.515128840125781,1.8122150983519405,833,30,166,16,18,272,125,209,0.198,0.723,0.079,-0.9790000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,5,3,9,1,14,4,2,6,2,43,30,18,0,4,10,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,14,14,1,0,6,1,0,2,7,9,0,1,1,4,18,4,27,25,3,26,0,1,0,0,1,11,0,7,11,113,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092985418702701,0.1533495128689379,0.1231615698437118,0.1332336101693149,0.0,0.0,0.14061522514312152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652932703264323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236655925848176,0.16339545309512207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30749443197351417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440001098455764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097287892335813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500518608909552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977046854989276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702541279598434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819380252827267,0.0,0.08505808726658504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031731679357736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31170620151650136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571283890471096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997077150183877,0.0,0.150358641961984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097472554550186,0.1154308999799518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428722089174676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175850502035985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362494249866698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681069675065634,0.11521945434913065,0.14802254452830385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589930991541523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279257847084444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926253508446545,0.1648348892953975,0.0,0.08827631413060877,0.11879713683450566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504941334504214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jeb0913,2019/03/19,"What, if any, medications are you prescribed? I’m very unhappy with my “cocktail” of drugs and was wondering what other people take and if those things help your depression and anxiety ",8.5009375,9.72804721875,7.981249999999997,66.33875,61.1875,12.65,37.875,12.161744961471696,5.3105125000000015,149,7,23,5,2,47,28,32,0.222,0.7070000000000001,0.071,-0.6997,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24129496862025984,0.0,0.2714421799884621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30561253382252257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114874220766303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378334934242857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574515262229272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245992814585743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667862329166613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357317231457991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927699706691916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847954489944756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,csmelly,2019/03/19,"DAE feel like they physically empathize with people? I know that people with BPD are hyper-sensitive in a lot of ways, and there have been studies that have shown that when we're not depressed, we have better recognition of emotion in faces than the normal population (possibly being tied to greater \[emotional\] empathy). 

​

But does anyone ever feel like they can *physically* empathize with people? When someone's sad I can definitely feel the emotion in myself, but I also feel like I can't watch violence/ torture/ horror movies without cringing as if the painful thing is actually happening to me. When I paid closer attention to this, I realize that I can sort of *feel* things when I watch other people feeling them -- like if they are poked, I almost feel as if I am also being poked (just a subtle example of what I mean- I don't tend to notice ""feeling it"" unless it's in the extremes, like watching a horror movie). 

​

I just want to know if anyone else can relate to this. Maybe this is a reason why BPD people tend to ""mirror"" people so much and take on their other traits??

​

​

​",6.6877253814147055,8.10542312621359,6.760221914008322,72.80291262135924,65.3106796116505,8.798335644937586,32.190013869625524,9.04235418022936,2.990859639389736,908,36,143,15,14,290,114,206,0.076,0.7979999999999999,0.126,0.5516,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,1,0,5,1,11,10,1,0,8,0,17,2,1,1,1,37,34,18,0,6,11,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0,14,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,11,21,6,24,30,3,12,0,2,3,0,6,6,0,7,10,107,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0695330519979179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134999990633867,0.0,0.0,0.11396265618141485,0.0,0.38601521240730935,0.4329034752289187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964408523971473,0.07300754126253034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301785285162285,0.0,0.0,0.1794823569510764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137045962423996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235434129120286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595230829568117,0.24045149524523315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644527907800369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882229295637254,0.20361380799959855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300915719828458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831802394884545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405409055811616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057710310997686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158362978693955,0.0776158546721931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237945657932605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981321554360204,0.0,0.08112248219296693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581865444964611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29638886677641063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032751637105745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732603751060196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060372785034317984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357369846952402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467520207056122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202710869973661,0.056557642127811635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429512186123039,0.0,0.0,0.06868574679440291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329034752289187,0.0
bpd,OMCThrowaway21P,2019/03/19,"DAE - New to this subreddit, Therapist/Talking to girls discussion I was reading up on BPD this morning after seeing my schools therapist on Monday and just generally feeling pretty off this week (had lots of trauma from year 4-10 at schools, (bullying/social isolation/etc)

Recently as i have been talking to a girl I have a tendency to have tons of mood swings worrying/obsessing about what she will reply and running through scenarios and outcomes in my head to try and make up a convo - I usually end up deleting messages and snapchats because of that and I feel awful for it


",12.481792452830193,8.87638085849057,11.665754716981134,58.62429245283021,56.45283018867924,15.505660377358492,51.97169811320755,13.427899808715575,6.949762264150943,465,27,74,13,4,152,78,106,0.057999999999999996,0.894,0.047,-0.2732,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,7,1,1,1,0,12,11,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,8,0,22,7,2,17,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,8,55,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816288075638355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441343139726141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168443777288836,0.0,0.2161825024995227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602235109771105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989354529200953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479557948120446,0.0,0.0,0.12938950361654467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721158823682724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720465951305854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389215379259075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139331679678154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923522460023943,0.15446514280957194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116020134982687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501256591832666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316044309818691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134870418999163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548651351922502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482641023907295
bpd,amatorsanguinis,2019/03/19,"Unhappiness with wedding? Rant Like many with BPD I swing back and forth between absolutely loving my SO and wanting to break it off because we are not compatible.

Now I am engaged.  I love my fiancé.  She’s sweet, thoughtful, beautiful, and the most caring person I have ever met.  She is also the one person in the world I hate the least.   But now that we are in the planning stages of our wedding I am constantly being triggered and can’t help but think about throwing in the towel and breaking it all off and parting ways.  I feel no joy in doing anything in life lately except having sex (what a fucking creep I am) because I forget about life and I know I am loved in that moment.  I hate pictures of myself because I hate who I am but also have no idea who I am.  I loathed preparing for engagement photos because of this and also felt nothing when looking at the pictures when it was all completed.  When choosing our venue, thinking about decorations, our invite list, our wedding parties, etc all I can think about is how I don’t deserve this, no one will show up, I will be burdening the best man and my groomsmen guilt tripping them into hanging out with me, and questioning whether I should even agree to spend all this money when my marriage won’t last because I’m a sad, irritable piece of shit and my fiancé deserves better.  Each day comes closer and I want to enjoy it but I am spiraling out of control in my head and I want it all to end.  And because I’m feeling all of this it makes me feel worse knowing that my fiancé isn’t going to have the best partner in planning the day she’s been looking forward to her whole life, and that I am willingly letting her marry some loser who will only drag her down and preventing her from living her best life.  How can I have the perfect day of happiness when it’s all a fucking strained smile everyday?  I’m fucking exhausted.

Can anyone give me pointers or their experiences or words of advice?  I am sorry for the rant and treating you guys like my diary but I can’t help but be closed off to everyone in my life.  Thanks all.  Hope you are having a great day..",4.968256454388985,5.9065378867469915,5.65830895008606,80.89390060240967,68.92771084337349,7.856282271944924,31.44793459552496,7.957251820313856,2.233721170395869,1673,69,312,20,28,544,205,415,0.152,0.635,0.213,0.9868,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,6,2,2,9,20,34,7,2,16,0,40,15,2,5,10,77,75,37,0,5,11,0,4,2,1,6,6,0,0,5,19,28,0,2,13,1,2,6,9,13,0,2,5,7,58,21,45,60,19,50,0,2,2,7,38,22,4,6,22,245,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474155439164391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080493032790642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063647866368103,0.0,0.0713629807000055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666821492973653,0.0,0.3171813968546729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27302114143955425,0.07669658827567677,0.0,0.0,0.10922051300475448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841658383740192,0.0,0.0,0.0747014021079789,0.09092402764965987,0.09371326228527793,0.09726359461460997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22370830685383186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680797534504376,0.0,0.09671546552156583,0.05727758940335145,0.07844299565892816,0.0,0.08286445536012521,0.0,0.08482857408253905,0.0,0.0,0.1315443621929263,0.0,0.08326457750134254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405130865507941,0.0,0.08318950420150284,0.04928484305361918,0.0,0.0,0.0956088512239213,0.0,0.08586620515149679,0.0,0.09231480641027938,0.0,0.2568534540532401,0.08899950141872856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625286607341685,0.0,0.0,0.08613229753085733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789606338229022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531783400351927,0.07068818588631609,0.09782367642730252,0.0,0.0,0.08867683901820579,0.30626368647593394,0.08473379727909543,0.0,0.07657514460958635,0.0,0.14564552968101496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23480393126022114,0.0,0.05788611904844645,0.08792023433358802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320995698628192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752711929661225,0.06595429189707654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390905880532352,0.0,0.0,0.15144071431669567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971459877812658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901659645265604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707568129340544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983991192114794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666995787238345,0.0,0.06884580971647944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534486993685855,0.06883411598191466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681952489763364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837485306050852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnowglobeSnot,2019/03/19,"My abuser of several years tried to contact me today. I genuinely don't even know where I'm going to go with this post. I was repeatedly emotionally abused by a 'best friend,' for almost ten years, and that is all something I obviously cannot squeeze into one post. 
At two o'clock this morning, she randomly sent me a friend request. I messaged her to please not try to contact me or reignite a friendship, and she said that that was perfectly fine, but demanded closure and an explanation as to why I ended our friendship ""out of the blue."" 

I was pretty astounded that she said that. ""Out of the blue."" 

So I told her. 

I addressed the way she made me feel, gaslit, alone, like I was a bad friend, constantly, for years. I told her that our friendship was always one sided. That the biggest issue was that she'd never, ever, speak to me. She would appear out of the blue, ask to hang out, and then stand me up. No telling me she couldn't do it, no cancel texts, absolutely nothing. I would be waiting for her outside/designated place and she would never come. And then not text me for several months, only to do the exact same thing again. That I'd be humiliated for falling for it every time, heart broken, move on, forget about her.

Then every time I forgot about her, she would appear again. Every. Time. Trying to reignite a friendship. *Every time* I was doing perfectly fine without her. It was a cycle.

She messaged me back FRANTIC. She talked.. total shit, lol. I mean.. she said baadd stuff. Bad. Even targetting my mental illness, and PTSD. Saying it was to blame and made it impossible to stand me, that I always made her feel like the bad guy. (I *promise* you, reader, this was *literally* the first time I *ever* confronted her or told her how she made me feel. I swear that on my entire life.) 

Then blocked me so I couldn't say anything. 

At 11 o'clock this morning, she texted me even *more* shit, even *worse* shit, and told me to ""Go complain to your buddies. That's all you ever do. Never take responsibility for yourself."" 

(She knows I use several BPD support groups. Hell, she'll probably see this.) 

And I know that she said it on purpose so I'd be self conscious and possibly keep quiet about the things she said. She won't even tell me what *I've* done, and literally nothing comes to mind when she says I've made her feel bad. Up until twelve hours ago, I always forgave her, always made excuses for her, and told her everything she did was fine, and understandable, and okay. 

But that was all she would say. I make her feel like the bad guy. The rest was literally just targeting my mental illness. 

It was so bad at 2am, that I sobbed 'til 8am and nearly called an ambulance to go to the hospital, I thought I'd kill myself. [Which is not solely her fault, only a straw on the camels back. I would never put that on her alone, or say something like that about someone.]

And then, I just woke up to her text at eleven. Where I'm probably blocked again and can't say anything. I replied asking her to be more specific, that it was unfair she could defend herself and I couldn't, but she probably blocked me and won't get them. I blacklisted her number just in case. 

And now, here I am, heart completely racing, doing exactly what she said I would. Complain about it, and probably make it look biased because it's only one side of the story. Not taking responsibility for whatever I did - because I genuinely do not know what I could have done. I don't even say that to sound holier-than-thou-do-no-wrong. I am, truly, completely, clueless. 

I don't know what to do. I feel really, really bad. 

I can't think of anyone else to talk to, so I'm kind of shoving it on your guy's shoulders. I don't know. I'm sorry. Thank you if you've read this far on a lengthy, probably petty and childish post, lol. ",1.5660099627171604,4.1116946460296075,3.018751566343344,88.63073126962765,84.37012113055181,5.8925387911696925,21.999180086941728,7.28307831747699,0.9042992497022021,2954,100,589,46,87,962,289,743,0.17300000000000001,0.7170000000000001,0.11,-0.9956,0,2,2,0,2,1,151.0,2,5,1,4,33,36,6,1,24,3,58,9,6,10,16,115,120,45,1,13,16,0,7,4,3,10,3,16,1,4,45,31,0,6,17,1,0,13,24,18,0,7,40,28,116,18,70,60,9,86,1,1,5,0,97,28,5,8,43,401,161,1,0.0,0.1090396573848228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040789205483405214,0.0,0.046077019099099566,0.09531458765174017,0.0,0.0,0.15315147963990533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03217450893293381,0.04714744047018643,0.07573226251307266,0.0,0.08603496111729099,0.0,0.0,0.0707648417427102,0.26894213956784235,0.05610019970027055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048289529931582274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795383321683405,0.0,0.046986096202985835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927508266951666,0.09649095740068196,0.04972548309171559,0.0,0.07347789787247504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417791337676684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038439330537331166,0.05176028102483282,0.04075531665627315,0.0,0.0,0.18235343006672924,0.1248686394811696,0.15507728844136084,0.0,0.041354994927177764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959831935255246,0.06574574164228145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039140032624300325,0.0,0.0,0.10665239927916788,0.0,0.024040752271512467,0.0,0.10460473022399934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668519572222698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905514922908503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531515533155047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802733328805926,0.0,0.0408999297743772,0.050908385877105264,0.04791717073384979,0.15173066951780464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03250150382579945,0.08992172294828826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038640711820972506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612410120715904,0.061430264272013285,0.0,0.0,0.050123436900044935,0.0,0.0,0.09274387665292796,0.0,0.04646167307360993,0.0,0.0367284497834012,0.04890628434499498,0.0,0.0,0.14195732046116452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830458375439049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354214079558018,0.1049886306349204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807550919408226,0.05051026110211105,0.0,0.051874597209125316,0.13220792780122284,0.0468134354447379,0.248057844098786,0.0,0.053788656352185785,0.04625742648435136,0.0,0.0,0.0460270961508878,0.0,0.05895631835378766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262622781776247,0.2561488422463576,0.0,0.0,0.03666771367995637,0.0,0.048003309044886616,0.15595035029577686,0.14170011225243595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898805848274388,0.07084864194613759,0.0,0.051509626610558544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267575839817231,0.0,0.052216872638944915,0.0,0.0,0.06919457129166327,0.07396965558202549,0.08043765395298984,0.04236410187272705,0.0,0.0,0.06114016958294085,0.029484325843495036,0.0,0.03653048739858106,0.1341575445915636,0.0,0.043616502099043185,0.21984482096945648,0.0,0.09372276825340274,0.0,0.044949620934974684,0.047902867129644325,0.0,0.039741878300773435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652428255002281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041521059031082885,0.0,0.0,0.04435647471669385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689285331051298,0.22881237978626984,0.0503097896428203,0.0,0.08889576613383611
bpd,Lovely_Louise,2019/03/19,"Advice on Mania/Manic Spending? I guess I'm just looking for advice. I have BPD, suspected for years by my doctor, and diagnosed a few years ago. I fit almost all of the criteria, though through therapy and meds I'm doing a lot better. The one area I'm really struggling in is the self destructive spending. Mental issues and addiction run in my family. I know, and I've tried to avoid the common vices, but I still fall into overspending, using credit, borrow money (which I always repay!) From family to fix what I screw up. 

I've tried a lot of things, but nothing seems to stick. I'll do well, build up savings or start paying my cards down, then I'll go manic, or get upset or stressed, and I piss it all away. It's so soothing when it happens. I feel so much better. It's like I'm fine, happy, healthy. Then it ends. Days, or sometimes even hours later, my brain flips back. I have nothing to show for sometimes hundreds of dollars gone.

Has anyone else gone through this? Has anyone else found ways of avoiding it, or stopping themselves? I really just need to hear it can get better.",2.776650943396227,5.0105526084905705,3.9619245283018887,85.53732075471702,77.16037735849056,6.315471698113207,23.33584905660377,7.365786028017652,1.1160935849056606,851,27,158,11,20,277,131,212,0.107,0.733,0.16,0.9439,0,2,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,3,10,17,3,5,7,0,8,6,2,1,2,32,28,18,0,1,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,11,6,0,3,5,1,7,5,0,8,1,1,3,3,15,9,24,25,6,31,0,0,1,1,2,10,2,10,16,96,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495332690324068,0.0,0.22401176551403668,0.10160420890172717,0.0,0.11477593198079004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537348635824966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602907184971911,0.2348846139042104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768978736510178,0.08813613403488811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041177071605322,0.0,0.0,0.1443605803798923,0.12795445007718728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392077761943948,0.0,0.0,0.11633745367596615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173189980520821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150153692238506,0.0,0.10151979324737563,0.0,0.0,0.07570579757915111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161081223203738,0.0,0.05795559811201083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567552572703858,0.0,0.0,0.11976902158308506,0.0,0.06514150457105668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626746712697556,0.0,0.10135858094254514,0.1220157154038016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918569928966742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287816112511087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963408324729813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629924611171863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055997814954732335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962524008359716,0.0,0.0,0.1948925991666702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731760063730999,0.0,0.11551056347044875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425929857647246,0.08498969144153322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199630335631665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766985653737603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685772902666727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434625120073353,0.11957423985998306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672532550112856,0.0,0.08112902093587325,0.0,0.0915361257193607,0.0958279188978272,0.1312974619827147,0.1198262940641148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107859740974356,0.0,0.07614880565790247,0.0,0.11261411632280538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563967004850676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899536059023284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098046383149158,0.0,0.0,0.10305764706171024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476237628019182
bpd,mundo2008,2019/03/19,"THANK YOU to this sub :) I was so confused as to why I wasn’t normal like everybody else, my intense anger outbursts and constant emotional breakdowns, I felt like I was going crazy and not functioning correctly as a human being... I started researching mental illnesses and came across bipolar disorder but it didn’t fit quite right until I found borderline personality disorder and fit with 8 out of 9 symptoms. Then everything started fitting into place, why I inexplicably start cutting myself off from people who I used to love, why I am so impulsive, why I am such an emotional person. I feel amazing that I FINALLY I know who I am, finally I can go to a professional to treat myself and my disorder, and that I no longer have to destroy my relationships as long as I realize the signs. Thank you to this sub for letting me know that there are others like me and that it’s OKAY to have this disorder - even when I feel so lonely, there are people like all of you! 
We can all get through this together, I believe in all of you and I hope you have a great day! ",7.283021390374332,6.872600225490199,8.01233511586453,70.6495989304813,63.90196078431373,11.7319073083779,37.17290552584671,11.20814326018867,4.276045098039217,842,38,153,22,11,283,116,204,0.14400000000000002,0.619,0.237,0.9726,0,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,5,0,1,8,17,3,1,5,1,16,4,0,1,4,31,34,19,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,13,13,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,7,3,33,12,25,25,3,24,0,1,0,1,13,10,0,2,15,115,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193768671097455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123785819316609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695773851428855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979913253055926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961619510498839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041193549306104,0.2434874449530311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148462406284586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726977763155024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944826620558347,0.0,0.10391737994628128,0.2371204532570963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866816013800198,0.0,0.0,0.0565454942423031,0.0,0.12301874133963404,0.0,0.0,0.11932350606959498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749640431449886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896030543889533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110672089491375,0.0,0.21150204493623853,0.0,0.0,0.09577978217460223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976814313676004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090699717724989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060420197803109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006554193042232,0.1890038083569277,0.11307688701368343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511549218350105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619807685075008,0.0,0.0924274792863562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298163845162945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124919853325954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928653242379776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934756169546984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906414870650329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Whydoiwantherback,2019/03/19,"Would like advice from someone with BPD about relationship/staying friends My ex (wbpd) recently left for someone else. It was a whole ordeal, she cheated and I'm not sure if she feels bad about it at all.  She still msgs me everyday acting like we are still best friends.  I let her know what I would like some space and that it hurts to think about her and her new bf.  She said yes but still msgs me everyday for advice.  I have been ignoring the msgs but I really want to help her out.  Im not sure the right thing to do in this situation.  She asks me advice on her new relationship, about how she trying to be better of him, I mean why couldn't she done that with me? Or advice on things to watch or play. Everyone tells me I should block her but deep down I still want her in my life.  She was a big part of it for so long. 

If I was being honest with myself I would take her back if she wanted to even though I know in my head that isn't the right thing to do. She most likely wont and we will remain friends, maybe I'm not sure what to do. Sorry for rambling, its been a long two weeks",1.6541266375545831,3.2858713013100456,2.942748908296945,94.35822816593887,78.34497816593887,6.152052401746725,18.43689956331877,6.961326702584282,-0.10693554585152842,844,16,197,9,20,273,123,229,0.08900000000000001,0.76,0.151,0.9372,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,0,2,13,18,1,0,6,1,22,2,1,1,4,43,35,15,0,11,11,1,1,4,4,6,1,1,0,0,14,10,0,2,5,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,7,3,40,14,30,18,6,28,0,1,1,0,31,14,0,7,17,143,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824709639467757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147640102783204,0.0,0.0,0.07524049476935538,0.08170053759176056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268738076012532,0.08654024067594758,0.0,0.0,0.12323846072797835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001343693324007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174099388922965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646289031069733,0.0,0.0,0.09349972497565144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947582423884731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22679565423970105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042217582263303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558669189495588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475028824569232,0.0,0.1056946291608995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755143717377813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631414837238172,0.10005810119524608,0.0691142428465379,0.1912179765692496,0.0,0.0,0.17318807625895322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830332627812066,0.10658717235917356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189007989817726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596185219417052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268511952371565,0.0,0.09661492221983824,0.21010823931595554,0.0,0.16712647458194907,0.0930776147774674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998733119205836,0.0,0.0,0.16581572080688806,0.0,0.0,0.10953489603366272,0.0,0.10429492080496076,0.31257206655641845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766669769695949,0.0,0.07357090966538472,0.0,0.08552508184097805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502127736376876,0.06269823290134006,0.09613698085268386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643362514376558,0.0,0.09558508534899303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314313026593794,0.0,0.07848924748947328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829427008979672,0.1092458631491608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852917805548246,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BNSFreak,2019/03/19,"Have you struggled with staying faithful in a relationship? I’ve heard a lot about the correlation of BPD and cheating. I’ve been guilty of it, and was wondering how others here have experienced it and dealt with it. ",5.842916666666667,7.7044981250000015,6.130000000000003,74.8616666666667,67.75,9.333333333333334,33.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.3490833333333336,175,8,31,4,3,56,30,40,0.201,0.732,0.066,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,1,6,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806305941881087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244353323249346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40971157587380896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067506966671308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989467399191507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138450689971793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amandaols,2019/03/19,"Ask me about any situation in my life and I can tell you how I'm the victim. DAE have this mentality? In life, we're told not to have that ""victim mentality"" but I am a victim because I'm literally the victim every time. My borderline thinking is always justified in my head. Always. ",1.3258928571428577,3.9151926607142897,4.597857142857143,76.34714285714288,86.67857142857143,7.485714285714287,22.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.994564285714286,223,8,41,6,7,81,40,56,0.147,0.79,0.062,-0.431,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,3,0,5,3,1,1,0,5,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,5,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41617487785481794,0.0,0.0,0.1700636665585164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379199155254554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524470662169662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107040419292276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25665527084378875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532792348230257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504045688994539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811015400257943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858183079604465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024181725699696,0.0,0.0,0.14582425155792847,0.0,0.0,0.2389631278237761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Scootlemynootle,2019/03/19,"I'm wondering if I was misdiagnosed with Asperger's when I have BPD. Thoughts? So from an early age I had a super abusive childhood. Literally my FIRST memory is of my biological dad beating my mother after they'd ordered Chinese food, and I came downstairs to see what all the racket was about, there was rice all over the floor, TV was smashed and my mom was trying to call the police but my dad picked up the phone out her hand and smashed it on the floor. There are other snippets as well and I do not remember much of my childhood at all except for memories of video games that comforted me. I still play those games a lot to relive that comfort. 

When I was around 6 or 7 I became aware of the abuse, and that's when it started to emotionally effect me. My dad attacked me and my mother physically and emotionally. I was told by my dad he did this because I was a ''bad kid''. 

I started to get angry often and I went into this state where I became mentally unbalanced and didn't want to talk to people. I started to become jealous and hate other people because they had good families. When I was 12 I was diagnosed with Asperger's but now that I'm 25 I am questioning the diagnosis.

I never get along with people with Asperger's, they always seem to resent me and consider me to be highly unpredictable and too emotional. 

I have high empathy for other people, but my emotional responses are exaggerated like how a 10 year old would respond. Like I'll cry for characters in videogames even though I know they aren't real, there's still this little part of me that seeks comfort in them.

I don't have problems making friends or talking with people/eye contact. I don't really have any special interests but I do lots of things at once. 

I really dislike children because I see them as potential alternate reality versions of me, being a happy child with nice memories to look back on with a nice family.

I've self harmed and I have outbursts of impulsiveness that I later regret.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm surviving and not living and like I'm a child in an adult's body. People even say my voice sounds similar to a child's. 

I do not get angry often but when I do its something people fear since I feel like I am possessed.

I don't feel like I have a solid identity. Like I'm always questioning ''is this me? Is this what I like and how I am?'' 

I become very attached to people, for example my best friend wanted to join the army and I got angry trying to convince him to not go because I want to keep seeing him.


Just want to know your thoughts.",4.479849284928491,5.679267378217823,5.8400412541254125,78.17739961496152,70.26732673267327,8.937843784378439,29.275302530253025,9.2995712137729,2.59028602860286,2026,77,381,42,36,683,238,505,0.12300000000000001,0.691,0.18600000000000005,0.9883,0,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,0,1,6,6,27,33,4,1,19,0,40,4,2,5,4,78,76,36,0,8,15,7,4,8,2,1,1,3,0,7,21,29,1,1,13,5,0,3,10,9,1,1,20,11,69,24,57,52,9,45,0,1,4,0,39,18,0,11,30,269,90,1,0.0,0.17607513548543788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236530275962928,0.0,0.0,0.05052896840501473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614592118173035,0.0,0.084531025686828,0.0,0.05713485073361741,0.062040368480707285,0.1811790407250519,0.16412488736120326,0.0,0.0,0.07797700147960047,0.0,0.0,0.08253450401279852,0.0935827320104442,0.0,0.0758722418365199,0.08498347731904328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161897103171524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541654876618839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343260135914664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815360048903564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009356600789058,0.08361216200272667,0.11271033669334216,0.15924743315728615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320256971192002,0.08984815902913698,0.0,0.11481349142940556,0.0,0.11646162914212145,0.0,0.042228425162797685,0.062322300359876334,0.05942734425313604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909752070577754,0.0,0.07335938184546878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701158021917053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604441768331096,0.0,0.0,0.08167058613778026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904077274440822,0.07447168681641851,0.06561140430047221,0.0,0.062396276110076025,0.0,0.0,0.12634045825139836,0.0,0.0,0.04959820291083617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488051154396777,0.0,0.0,0.08702343079444833,0.0,0.0,0.0546216656743806,0.0,0.05730748571855916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796908644086639,0.07913086581058533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804635140575569,0.0,0.3605891270338743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109847148071291,0.0,0.0,0.1664739835094592,0.0,0.0,0.08457371777579853,0.09520152567271972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417144824591573,0.0,0.0,0.05908917280276875,0.0,0.0,0.1776309503070268,0.06764316987861656,0.07751481751266229,0.0,0.0,0.061464672210530015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057202510209656075,0.07348812023516982,0.0,0.1577773254554411,0.0,0.11867783712045026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944477303749446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049363983256688816,0.0,0.07300286990185867,0.1179774528335876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100023526551688,0.0,0.1008944789083996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130821824619918,0.17530465801464046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668078234461457,0.0688801440275547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057904064810574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278311676146532,0.0,0.0,0.04784905614922825
bpd,Mirabelle_Lisette,2019/03/19,"New Job I start today, I’m going to try and be as professional as I can. I’m going to try as hard as I can to not overshare. No one needs to know anything about me personally....

I’m hoping this job will last. ",-1.31644927536232,0.6638183695652202,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,93.56521739130434,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.32530724637681097,159,4,38,2,6,58,29,46,0.032,0.8590000000000001,0.109,0.5086,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,13,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,9,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,22,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152852722382551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973614821001237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343539317589717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25984081579198354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192212245242946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143775705844409,0.21324957552624715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398278238046365,0.0,0.2526675408564586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727579218917844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284304487412136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851710830574074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797860824115925,0.0,0.0,0.3552362143302539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ocery,2019/03/19,"DAE have experience with age regression? I don’t know if this is a BPD thing but I’m interested in surveying whether or not anyone else has minor to major age regression. (I personally do) If you feel comfortable can you also describe your symptoms? 

Thank you :) ",3.078125,6.102637229166671,4.9841666666666695,73.57750000000001,82.95833333333334,9.033333333333337,28.83333333333333,9.2995712137729,3.602183333333333,209,10,35,7,6,71,40,48,0.0,0.7240000000000001,0.276,0.9486,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,10,6,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,3,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26497199175219505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316802066306921,0.3394963625710582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173103646338223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767915451389705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241135040284107,0.0,0.0,0.16753515202729985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209546434918886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28931277638824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443884954586465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050527949332753,0.0,0.0,0.22012716887050976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blodveynevamp,2019/03/19,"Stop dating/romantic relationships? Has anyone else tried to stop filling the void with dating and romantic relationships and had it go well? Or does the lonesomeness and isolation win out and lead you back to the field for slaughter? romantic relationships trigger me so hard, but Its hard to escape my desires.

​",7.083888888888893,10.31445738888889,6.5405185185185175,67.40633333333335,67.7037037037037,10.245925925925926,34.874074074074066,10.355215969177356,4.679278518518519,265,13,37,8,5,82,40,54,0.17800000000000002,0.667,0.154,0.1425,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,13,3,7,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,6,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,25,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375839343008649,0.23972306893852005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794637420388287,0.2021419652250954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170011389865107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264557703149264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164806439952273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212170548627742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534575134701973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6354313046381745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298784629177555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339436766318844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738305598019385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972306893852005,0.0
bpd,never-sleeps,2019/03/19,"Has anyone tried microdosing? I had a profound acid trip that coaxed me to seek therapy (not in a bad way). Shortly after seeking help I was diagnosed with ADHD and BPD. I haven’t done psychedelics since my diagnosis, but am  eager to trip again in my new state of mind. LSD always has a therapeutic effect on me. Which has got me into reading about microdosing. Just wondering if anyone has experience microdosing to help treat BPD?",4.781844484629296,7.255368594936713,5.988643761301991,72.2281012658228,71.91139240506328,9.071247739602173,29.00723327305606,9.606745405546679,3.1141233273056064,345,14,58,9,7,115,60,79,0.027999999999999997,0.8190000000000001,0.154,0.8836,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,10,11,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,1,8,2,11,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24625556003776997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704970762698224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865481791690453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710868167530443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161404458034125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797389788102694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968858959358688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043605747357895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388096017705106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274686523942832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068952761352433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789817957126693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496009157384898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949923684832693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343263151350373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911680126273854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264376687116758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222103430250517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pinklepurr1,2019/03/19,"Is this splitting? Need advice... My best friend and I have been inseparable for the past year. She is histrionic bpd.  2 weeks ago she was getting suicidal again and layering 3 very toxic situations on top of each other and I couldn’t handle it. I do not want to get mad so I sent an email saying I love her, but she clearly wants space as she does not want to hear my input. She immediately emailed back and said that she will no longer share painful details of her life with me but she will be there if I need her.

I realized I made a huge mistake and apologized but she wouldn’t return my call . 3 or 4 days later I picked up the phone and we spoke briefly but it was pretty cold.

I saw her at work and she called me after the first day and every day after work. She didn’t go to work Saturday so I texted her Sunday morning and she did not respond. She texted me Sunday night late and I did not respond and she called me first thing Monday and it was a really nice long chat.  Today nothing. She has been liking my Facebook and Instagram.

I am so scared to have lost her. Obviously we are dealing with a mental illness here. She runs hot and cold with all of her friends. I told her I missed her yesterday and she immediately said I miss you too. It sounded genuine.

I think she’s scared and embarrassed to have shared so much. We have been through so much together. I think I was her fp but she prefers men to me... so she has a new go but he won’t talk to her as much as I will.

I obviously love her so much and I am heartbroken to think she’s splitting on me... bpd peeps can you weigh in? I’m giving her space and letting her reach out to me. Obviously she hasn’t cut me out 100% but I feel empty without her daily contact...
",0.43671859039836747,2.7899796432584267,2.249162410623086,93.3480081716037,88.24157303370787,5.371195097037795,19.88866189989785,6.883109765328512,0.30344606741573044,1347,42,298,19,44,443,181,356,0.13699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.13,-0.3896,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,2,0,8,12,19,2,3,8,0,32,6,0,2,5,62,60,37,1,10,14,0,2,1,2,5,3,6,0,1,8,27,1,0,6,1,0,4,11,10,0,2,18,11,76,9,30,34,7,40,0,3,1,2,70,11,0,2,26,207,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026015877314178,0.0930732645188553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073600301964443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018758859232687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644794074778686,0.0,0.3216401968693458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031426108184564,0.10824701651082916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188334451650526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846427208444757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308950063914095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862032694901173,0.0,0.0,0.16224042369443528,0.0,0.10971291393793306,0.10072242921361008,0.11934412071378506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833894375054893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844088288467138,0.0,0.0,0.10736626845693566,0.07416229433716054,0.05129609786933853,0.0,0.0,0.09291880051208926,0.0,0.0,0.1146163320711573,0.0,0.1895272933161501,0.09935044305453478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058120066561962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087387055851746,0.1557074872865675,0.0,0.10140649449102224,0.0,0.09853231685831984,0.0,0.10074719260397896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172392175615124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023125781238804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681941971037147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726359275902509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997518652893167,0.08349761262307202,0.2102400837586812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802072182626523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148493791274922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439239302118091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975516081866158,0.20183299178319566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952462150563447,0.10032887344920356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663329701396713,0.18578937221017447,0.0,0.08422204215622311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012130992870252,0.0,0.22931660617388105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761445058748014
bpd,redbeppers,2019/03/19,"Currently splitting I’m currently having a severe breakdown- I’m at home by myself and I feel the worst I’ve been in weeks. I tried texting my FP in the hopes of feeling better, but it just made me much much worse because he was joking around when I was texting him about my feelings. He’s always really supportive so this caught me off guard. While I understand that he was trying to lighten things up, I still can’t help but split on him because the entire time it felt like I was talking to someone else. 

Has anyone else ever experienced this? It felt like someone else was using his phone half-assed pretending to be him, which is really making me upset. I don’t know. ",4.331136363636362,5.8780383257575775,5.112545454545458,81.9188181818182,71.04545454545455,7.704242424242422,26.83636363636364,8.238735603445708,1.8209036363636364,537,18,99,8,10,174,91,132,0.08900000000000001,0.75,0.161,0.7932,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,4,0,12,0,0,3,1,18,27,6,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,7,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,10,6,17,6,13,16,3,16,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,10,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143423515126484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044834781644056,0.16184728458670672,0.0,0.14061667114663068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258023120050966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970157312713646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958625032507512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428826254300645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23960589052936546,0.0,0.3033301147866811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587634102197184,0.0,0.1584453864831063,0.15688856222476033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680993285842087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543412170353291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494642763382753,0.10543861304789323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322355381071332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238468811098584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784482923781602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676756716297249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614596710287435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924958305143218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696116457620948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494069590508366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210694825605548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448708412714185,0.0,0.0,0.16444050602817564,0.0,0.13642554130638068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670488621476786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097334020981427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FrogginBullfish_,2019/03/19,"How do I hold onto hope after 16+ years of suffering? I swear I've tried every coping skill and every therapy and every medication out there. I have actually put a ridiculous amount of effort in trying to improve things. But most of my hope ran out years and years ago. I seriously don't know how much longer I can hold on. My whole life the main thing I've wanted was to die. The only thing keeping me from suicide is the fact that I view it as a selfish act and don't want to hurt people I care about and cause them to blame themselves. The best break I can ever hope for is being feverish and too incoherent to feel much negative emotion. I feel empty and hopeless and miserable. And I'm definitely dissociating slightly currently so it's hard to tell if this post I'm writing is even real. I doubt I'll get much hope from this post, but I figured I might as well reach out. Sometimes just knowing I'm not the only one slowly suffering through life is comforting. 

I feel like I stepped on some mystical magic golden beetle that would have solved all the world's problems as a kid and am just slowly being tortured for my crimes against the beetle. My life seems almost comedically tragic. Like how can so many awful traumatic things keep happening to me, and when will it end? Every time I feel like I'm making progress, I realize that every step forward comes with two steps back. I don't know if I feel better or worse than I have in the past. Maybe equal but in different ways. If no one in the world cared about me, I definitely wouldn't hesitate to end this suffering once and for all. ",4.718614718614719,5.83884873015873,5.540122655122657,80.84490259740261,69.63492063492063,8.520923520923521,27.96897546897547,8.841846274778883,2.0872222222222216,1270,43,246,22,22,415,174,315,0.182,0.653,0.16399999999999998,-0.7566,3,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,5,16,27,2,2,12,1,22,4,0,5,4,67,50,28,2,12,10,0,6,3,0,4,4,0,0,1,13,17,0,4,11,1,0,8,7,13,1,3,2,7,28,14,36,42,12,37,0,7,1,0,4,13,0,14,17,161,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.08757720448961638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955264680446705,0.0,0.08986565888577193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900760133244277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941807979212494,0.07937128066589669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299999123960484,0.092191815667394,0.0,0.07730651501129088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314010986185337,0.09376338561970073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100949927954437,0.15897310442488385,0.0,0.0,0.05927506981221432,0.081178591703968,0.3780659799744438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22688633063448124,0.12822627216639573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046887539281622176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936032844981099,0.0,0.08039300218918552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565441913607661,0.0,0.0,0.09607281494992664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953719270125416,0.0,0.0,0.14796287667905242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016653723641047,0.1315331651041475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990482112632424,0.0909863365814892,0.09015991681405733,0.0,0.0,0.09040764487053653,0.0,0.09520420863198527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791651228138155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557443785767927,0.12162572262036415,0.13650872173002526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567080882717974,0.06221719419349098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718999011376531,0.0,0.0,0.08587289390432001,0.0,0.09021751386381732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102148326713679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169957285107153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875911704929629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816537692830986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844021719552176,0.0,0.10263009255303593,0.0,0.2384877204031709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233045181715668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218605787493334,0.0,0.0876668539103938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586668028937896,0.07123461501770725,0.0,0.0,0.08069063954948318,0.0,0.0,0.10019597817007388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145680953708768,0.06375156724468023,0.0,0.0,0.17337659319043894
bpd,klykndll,2019/03/19,"""Off Day"" Can I even call it that if it's like... everyday? (I'm kidding).

I'm the only person with Borderline I know and today I'm really, really struggling. Nothing too specific other than realizing I gotta be me for the rest of my life which is... a lot. I can't stand the thought of my emotional instability inconveniencing/ upsetting/ hurting another person so lately I've been really isolating myself. This apparently isn't helping but it's so exhausting to interact with other people I'd prefer to just be alone. I had more or less of a ""freak out"" with a family member earlier and I'm a little embarrassed for unloading like that, I'm so tired of having to explain myself to people who think they truly care about me but seem to think BPD is just me not doing something to help myself. Trust me, if yoga was the answer, don't you think I'd do it? 

I don't know what the point of this post was. I just feel lost and sad and I have no idea what to do with myself. ",2.325770975056692,4.341417540816327,4.9117687074829925,79.24196145124719,77.6734693877551,8.43718820861678,23.133786848072557,9.150863307647796,2.039091609977324,762,24,148,20,18,270,113,196,0.16399999999999998,0.736,0.1,-0.9053,1,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,1,9,12,0,3,9,0,18,3,0,0,0,32,35,12,0,3,9,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,14,9,0,0,13,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,1,20,4,22,26,4,10,0,3,0,0,11,4,0,5,6,106,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133990869079068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334770737362994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619800892701256,0.0,0.15906762349588868,0.0,0.15882692021663913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046447131969696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752302395698132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289046158011836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685443630329995,0.0,0.0787664674513491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088305596465213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676448137159902,0.17585536076507774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122396454878305,0.0,0.17572532863054402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003120904698437,0.15221135533633642,0.15613133278890273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700510172593312,0.13243760800381582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947400844839656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847683548084158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159948811218112,0.27204016719942353,0.0,0.0,0.14726136591136976,0.0,0.14919307754223224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29938776175689497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181521486480106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992616979283205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628538777733859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994503920079957,0.0,0.12367100664280208,0.0,0.17904487267284375,0.14766013554574367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,futile7,2019/03/19,"Not trusting and getting help I struggle alot with is trusting people. Last year no one knew there was stuff going on in my life but then I opened up to my best friend. At first she kept it a secret for a few months but I guess it became to much for her so she ended up telling my parents. I ended up basically forced to therapy and medication as an ultimatum. 

I was being open with my therapist about a lot of things because I do know I need help. But then my parents decided to call my therapist to see how it was going and my therapist told them waaaay too much! I don't know what to do, I don't trust either my friend nor my therapist anymore who where the only people I had ever talk to when I felt the worst. 
My main concern was worrying my parents and that's exactly what happened when I opened up.
I feel betrayed and now I have no one to ask for help. 

Does anyone have any advice? I know I need help but how can I get it if I can't trust and be honest with the people who are supposed to help???",2.7389285714285694,3.9243700714285694,4.363035714285719,87.15883928571432,74.47619047619048,7.345238095238094,25.029761904761905,7.865858978985527,1.2299761904761906,785,25,170,11,16,264,115,210,0.147,0.7,0.153,0.6692,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,11,10,0,1,8,0,17,2,0,2,2,37,35,20,0,3,7,3,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,11,12,0,1,8,0,0,2,7,2,0,3,9,3,33,8,25,24,9,25,0,0,1,0,22,11,0,4,12,132,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330249466439433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188914324493335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483987911366996,0.07391768487834384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882831712590484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444227154640578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109403181209819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794581076700717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251103142292308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726244804512826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956243627897694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345217338026502,0.0,0.10150201556739023,0.0,0.0,0.08992027209123031,0.0,0.0,0.16334874414337566,0.0,0.11046240079984647,0.0,0.12015940168036472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164558863168609,0.0,0.09348253867810134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35428932014179226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429294475287166,0.08617101725097617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466892262055938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987426012801704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649573059354077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437990406686749,0.0,0.15542390323380129,0.1567711789873353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326908092751592,0.08040025859454245,0.0,0.0,0.35214865074875273,0.0,0.0,0.21986632526278865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424036900311464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051522293758033,0.1210172350452975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496890664701161,0.09239869316489067,0.0,0.12089316896784025,0.4909683950393349,0.07023168244868426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101425468484634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735769572798784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807634828549843
bpd,UncleDoj,2019/03/19,FP still the same even though you haven't talked in years? Is that even possible? I used to think I was limerent for this girl but FP actually makes wayyyy more sense because it was more like an intense best friendship. I think I just assumed it was romantic vexuas I didn't know about BPD,2.4905263157894737,5.016770596491232,2.6062280701754372,93.29776315789472,79.87719298245614,5.905263157894738,23.535087719298247,7.1686216300943375,0.7984877192982456,232,8,48,3,6,70,45,57,0.0,0.7020000000000001,0.298,0.9643,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,9,11,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,6,2,4,7,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2699725975600233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686445870406579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903293705622908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484337069206193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654522808992512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520407903414843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351582696106284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846674629556123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31188373913011985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093476984934027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223625243014995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545350628065189,0.27180933949341723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389386380106485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815491863250765
bpd,beepeedeed,2019/03/19,Therapy Appointment I saw my therapist for the first time in two weeks. Two weeks ago we needed to do some breathing exercises because I was all over the place. I also had to lay on the couch and cuddle the cushion to feel secure and safe. I was about to move from my home where I had been for almost 10 years. I moved to a local military base and well try to be happier and work on myself and do more with my kids. Today she (therapist) said it was night and day with my attitude and outlook. I was smiling and seemingly happy. I didnt even realize the difference until she mentioned it. A step in the right direction right? Feeling actually a little confident!,3.529217758985201,5.514715325581398,5.174334038054969,78.85274841437635,74.03875968992249,9.03199436222692,28.006342494714588,9.573946990214177,2.838358139534884,523,21,97,14,11,177,85,129,0.0,0.831,0.16899999999999998,0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,9,0,11,3,1,0,1,20,17,10,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,11,0,2,4,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,10,4,16,4,18,6,3,24,0,0,1,1,6,11,0,3,10,74,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.1566227150400212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422716288302259,0.0,0.1607153775411821,0.0,0.0,0.12835004441369927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783797814235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350781281596877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676860561225518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600729290550197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230503504438154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365193591768513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085290817208507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609923943164248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086097459861912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34116755407885624,0.0,0.11900709592513445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061632665747074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676860561225518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741285135839018,0.15267017539085925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611118260873454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835432386103508,0.372700666423996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358756642941107,0.0,0.1521331618001841,0.0,0.0,0.10896748081478133,0.0,0.31356608739642405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574833317154433,0.0,0.14430681041039845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684432060712087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335533052666084
bpd,sayyin,2019/03/19,"Has anyone been diagnosed with BPD AND bipolar? If so, what's it like compared to having just BPD? ",2.6557894736842123,5.2230811578947405,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,79.52631578947368,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.3702421052631577,78,3,14,1,2,25,18,19,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.4808,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563979276071946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8849097035635369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35656597311683896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716292969361743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angelcrucifix,2019/03/19,"Had to withdraw from events/friends that I love because of my symptoms I am a performer and an avid fan of my good friend’s events in my community. I have gone to almost every single night that they have thrown. I love supporting my friend and their parties make me feel at home. 

However, I have stopped talking to my FP and many others in that circle. There is a lot of drama and passive aggressive nonsense; it made my symptoms escalate over the past two years, until I had a full-blown psychotic episode that led to my BPD diagnosis. 

I don’t trust myself to go to these events without interacting with problematic individuals; I performed at the last show and went right back to some “friends” who ended up using me... again. After which I spiraled pretty badly and am probably continuing to do so. I’ve been feeling empty, drinking a lot, and isolating myself. 

I have to stay away from my favorite events until I get better, but it sucks because I have a few actual friends there (whom I tend to uncontrollably spurn for my FP’s inner circle) and because I genuinely love performing. I would hate to see these friendships and my performance career fizzle out because I can’t seem to control myself. 

Thanks for reading; I mostly feel very alone and am having pretty bad FOMO.",6.689047619047617,7.5338128907563044,6.909764705882356,73.78327450980393,65.05042016806722,9.37187675070028,33.93389355742297,9.3871,3.2077385994397747,1020,43,173,18,15,329,144,238,0.106,0.69,0.204,0.965,1,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,6,5,18,3,1,8,0,17,6,0,5,0,30,37,14,0,1,2,0,3,0,4,1,2,0,1,0,12,12,1,2,4,4,0,4,3,6,0,1,6,4,34,12,32,30,6,30,0,0,1,3,13,10,1,6,15,126,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.110928139563093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382677043536085,0.1177306160413893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067992260493417,0.08740727539924044,0.189823881712632,0.2771752460343245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053424918412328,0.0,0.0,0.14316676292001432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749357797222655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135595212832827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068025587932827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577413674042322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242896959034945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391161583543616,0.0,0.059389284363586474,0.0,0.06460280442649505,0.09534325199286288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222823915267717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140229677461889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265840703011144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328089750217214,0.3077820991186525,0.10755983962930793,0.07587739751604994,0.11524625730480652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066741110934713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851343672646248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129196609695166,0.12255837650519726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370344284002888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970758488169743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905824098225898,0.10348333989746474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115995373882198,0.0,0.09503545157452506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289944117683127,0.0,0.2362988809298909,0.0,0.09136579546312774,0.0,0.1046545326249496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104169243929753,0.0,0.0,0.09817669950139174,0.0,0.09379186691966324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537571449387476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957640844864602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074981143663099,0.0,0.0,0.07320147991510317
bpd,Waterproof_soap,2019/03/19,"Hooray, I have a stalker /vent (Big wave if you're reading this, you fucking cretin. Don't you have a tortoise to go fetishize? Maybe go chat up some lonely girls on WWF?) Some days ago I replied to someone on another forum and since then, they have done nothing but harass me. It's just lovely. I don't understand why reddit doesn't do anything about these assholes. He's been reported and banned from several subs and he keeps coming back. It's really sad, because he claims to have his own mental illness that he's dealing with, but instead of talking to a therapist or searching out help in his own community, he thinks it's healthy to keep tagging me and messaging me. I honestly wish he would leave me alone and focus on his own issues.

I'm doing my best not to let this cause me to spiral. Any suggestions?",4.3312264150943385,5.855399685534593,4.8655503144654135,83.7787028301887,71.0125786163522,7.815723270440253,30.23113207547169,8.344100000000001,2.2302113207547176,646,27,123,10,12,206,109,159,0.126,0.6990000000000001,0.175,0.8977,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,1,4,7,2,0,3,0,13,3,0,1,0,24,24,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,3,2,2,0,3,4,4,0,0,2,0,16,3,17,20,6,14,0,2,0,2,20,7,1,4,4,76,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320672378815833,0.0,0.0,0.17900367916314794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175329017347552,0.18123129509626434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222748012845082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328985136422795,0.0,0.10535787223701447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137839623029348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754790828267109,0.0,0.14888100356322648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146349429186712,0.17818404506599322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686897048692976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597820508732982,0.0,0.0,0.19645084796862747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158468441000186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039356977274565,0.0,0.30724522184907066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300602497324447,0.0,0.17673425683177388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559892404521936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363476926224633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741758061356329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583867977020678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288055805914115,0.0,0.11072174947450601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525298388199108,0.0,0.1429698944410313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464415066734377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138917250987779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067334761669864,0.0,0.11074491184738056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992606735078728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559556099947812,0.0,0.1987503251916745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277616328624125,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SaviorOfTheWeek,2019/03/19,"Anyone else have an FP who is also struggling with their mental health in some way? I have found that, contrary to what I'd been warned of, my best friend has made my life better in so many ways. He's on the autism spectrum and deals with bipolar depression, and his down days can be legitimately scary, but all because I want the best for this man.   
He's the first person in years, if not my life, to understand *enough* of me to know just what I need to hear on my own down days. He doesn't gaslight, he doesn't abuse or talk down to me, and he's also invested in my well being to a similar, but hopefully healthier, degree.   
I just wanted to write a wholesome appreciation post because he's given me the world and then some, and I'm looking beyond my splitting symptoms to come to that conclusion. He's just an all around cool guy and I'd love to hear if any of you have similar stories or situations.",6.070054945054943,5.543708423076925,6.484923076923077,80.98507692307696,66.41758241758242,9.697582417582417,30.83736263736264,9.120678840339163,2.299523516483516,711,23,149,11,10,231,110,182,0.04,0.767,0.192,0.9861,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,1,1,5,9,10,0,1,8,1,11,6,0,1,2,34,26,16,0,6,10,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,6,10,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,1,1,4,4,16,8,27,20,8,21,0,1,1,1,21,12,0,7,5,98,22,0,0.0,0.16858774386216266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22757496122197665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676056485316126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949091919342927,0.14579063816557256,0.0,0.12666628467407448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347461143071816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986444784799177,0.12584197227002766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256831736524228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352768474189568,0.14669244606345255,0.12255225033478068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188631763210694,0.0,0.0,0.14702130536369806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210299069729227,0.0,0.1560111988008794,0.10993118041145598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088726565995116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124524895636804,0.3207373225218948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132386382653964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819763885973277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100412395028847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948589317619195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284202703616784,0.1346361311279139,0.0,0.14425746880960713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339260867967588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550458071135602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242401950338034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362723545008876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599374184057734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875007426197112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478914770973093,0.0,0.11436552212214353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481265896757992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785003005526852,0.22588282241428134,0.0,0.0,0.1279337959454121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162866068388724
bpd,sarinashell,2019/03/19,"i used to try so hard to come off as a happy and positive person, but apparently i can’t do that anymore my entire life i’ve tried so hard to always at least come off as cheerful and with a positive attitude and people would comment on that and say that they loved that quality about me. that was my one thing, no matter what was going on i didn’t want to make others suffer due to my own issues. 

however, at work a few days ago me and a few girls were talking and it ended up being said one girl was always so positive and brightened up the room and i made a joke how i’m the opposite and everyone was like lol ya i didn’t wanna be the one to say it but true!!!!!!!

it hurt a lot, not gonna lie. it means i’ve slipped further, and it feels like i’ve lost myself completely and i don’t know how to get myself back. 

i have been told recently i’m very negative but i refuses to believe it just because of context. now after reflecting on it however, i have come to the realization that i’ve become this ball of bitterness and i’m always complaining and grumpy and it’s horrible this is what people see me as this how people see me. and i realized i find myself complaining about everything and anything, i can never be satisfied i guess. 

i’m so just hurt and frustrated and i want to change but i’m so stuck in my ways now i’m not sure what to do. i find myself always bringing up topics that make me mad so i can bitch about it and i don’t want to be like this anymore. 

if anyone has any advice i’d be so happy to hear it, thank you ❤️ ",1.7369003931847968,3.2971070489296643,4.048434906072522,86.83813073394501,77.89908256880733,7.6072083879423325,22.993556138051552,8.418075326091056,1.3453941459152472,1203,37,262,24,28,418,157,327,0.177,0.665,0.158,-0.8758,3,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,1,2,18,21,4,0,10,1,25,2,0,7,3,58,58,37,0,6,9,0,3,3,0,2,1,4,1,3,26,23,0,1,7,2,0,5,10,10,0,3,13,10,33,11,35,38,5,29,0,4,2,1,17,13,1,3,13,181,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167798191564288,0.09223543139849656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34631693916302897,0.0,0.0,0.07075863008474666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638237957736585,0.07275527130998642,0.0,0.08562556957035268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000922828272157,0.0,0.06342886628426042,0.1149167750606555,0.0,0.11723047859306898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100727556095745,0.268893621333805,0.10909608285366956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710464937171938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921587995898337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942572630444003,0.09351483443683983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052611596031316994,0.0743344565200842,0.0,0.0,0.19020248481244287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436264645580007,0.0,0.059134900423956874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146245261681684,0.0,0.0,0.22152964467349964,0.1864195230754644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727367235370872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277869784407556,0.0,0.0,0.1086027970450604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718401716622129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349469524950979,0.1525030117025532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358457112842388,0.08846091689911541,0.09391059694303017,0.09845610360975747,0.1389104509122637,0.0,0.0,0.11334265452980845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025097901353538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152409339597067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640875485685687,0.09085381028308932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273836437546667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897686281263952,0.16549195648925372,0.0,0.0,0.16583124626162662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980673655700383,0.0,0.0,0.08363270394886786,0.0,0.0957966983110412,0.0,0.0,0.0691272341594652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942572630444003,0.0,0.14128836063797806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986714122562926,0.0,0.08585343562262772,0.18411692104760888,0.08259128653272052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575077621781189,0.0,0.0,0.0739152440973612,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,honeyyyyyyyyy,2019/03/19,"Vision gone blurry probably  it bpd related but thought i’d give it a shot. this normally happens when i disassociate but i’m sorta in the middle right now. i have glasses but normally i can see pretty far away, but things that were once very clear are blurry. im wondering if this happens to any of you when you begin to disassociate?",2.632549450549451,5.2559515076923065,4.914505494505495,76.3669230769231,80.07692307692307,8.021978021978024,26.20879120879121,8.841846274778883,2.5415714285714293,268,11,48,7,7,93,48,65,0.043,0.81,0.147,0.8334,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,13,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,5,10,0,10,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,3,4,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356219638611499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216097522544736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28440655578297497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166226811827264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993755750920272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439193516929879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44250223850810055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404860011866469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297354152466859,0.24346716397904536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928450937119344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799456149368814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002169904803014,0.0,0.0,0.17927218141432505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632133106187235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448871381150365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ollie_k,2019/03/19,"How to handle anxiety and obsessive thoughts? Having some FP drama-that-isnt-really-drama-its-just-me-being-extra and I can't stop thinking about her, replaying our last interaction, reading our texts, etc. Just really ruminating about the situation and feeling incredibly anxious (tightness in my chest, deep sense of dread, etc). 

How do you deal? Unfortunately my job is really dull and solitary so it doesn't distract me, in fact it gives me more time to dwell. ",5.7944599303135895,8.347898585365852,6.822473867595817,67.01329268292686,69.2439024390244,10.051567944250873,31.22648083623693,10.290406445055957,3.9370432055749127,372,16,57,11,7,124,64,82,0.179,0.732,0.08900000000000001,-0.8096,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,1,0,0,6,5,0,4,1,0,5,1,1,2,1,14,9,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,9,0,7,8,4,6,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,36,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714142019389726,0.2763624752536061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522029767027796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5456546375888551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369237069472468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346715622029747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275770928714305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994062492673972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24469638311558595,0.0,0.31343271832074104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27497457497331623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204521786563317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674914334923715,0.0,0.19420903961828276,0.14264582680430665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,topdog1469,2019/03/19,"Getting help Hi, I believe my spouse suffers from BPD. I have suspected since we started dating. I also know my spouse told me that a therapist once told her she suffered from BPD, but my spouse stopped going once the therapist said that. I have tried bringing it up, and it creates an argument and the my spouse denies that a therapist ever told her she suffers from BPD.. any thoughts on how I can encourage her to seek help? ",4.00978835978836,6.1779451111111126,4.364832451499119,84.37888888888891,73.19753086419753,7.591534391534393,31.32451499118166,8.418075326091056,2.552088536155203,338,16,62,6,7,106,50,81,0.201,0.6659999999999999,0.132,-0.6757,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,10,13,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,5,1,16,1,6,8,0,8,0,3,0,0,18,2,0,0,4,41,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143265268776625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721894938690183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106903074991402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5401662753464274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931716343508562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469165765355541,0.0,0.08124850473264679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164860744455894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856808510798202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044993745574874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598944192011173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825950628600185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118912181822784,0.0,0.0,0.1195224945042056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979691236401842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349572708361336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098184762100564,0.0,0.09706170092164453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sociallyanxious98,2019/03/19,"I always shut down when something doesn’t go my way I’ve been avoiding this for a while and I just need help figuring out where this tendency comes from and how to get better. 

A lot of the times when something gets out of control (little things like a change of plans or something social not going my way) I just shut down and can’t function. It’s like a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I can’t think rationally for a while. I just feel very miserable and it’s noticeable and I can’t get out of this pit. I can’t think the situation through or sit with my feelings, I just am stuck in an overwhelming mindset of someone wronging me and I can’t get over it 

Ex - last week I wanted to go to an event and my partner has been very busy with school lately so I was excited that he agreed to go. day of, he told me he was still swamped with an essay deadline and we might not be able to go but we could go out for drinks instead. So I got to his house a bit later than we had agreed on since he had to submit his paper but I just felt so internally angry and I was outwardly cold to him which makes him sad. He said that I can be so affectionate and kind ordinarily but there are times where I switch to being mean/cold. I just felt like he had screwed me over, but in reality he literally had to do his essay and submit it and had given me advance notice. He didn’t do anything wrong but I still felt like injustice.  

If anyone else relates it would be so helpful to know how you get through this. I just wish I could have rational thought process ☹️",2.5875692307692297,4.012820756923077,3.9170000000000016,89.24350000000004,75.27692307692307,6.9692307692307685,25.42307692307693,7.61054688173877,1.1170615384615386,1226,42,271,16,26,403,162,325,0.084,0.797,0.11900000000000001,0.8274,0,1,4,0,0,0,18.0,3,1,0,4,22,15,1,3,12,0,32,3,1,4,0,65,63,32,0,7,17,1,6,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,13,24,1,2,11,1,0,8,9,7,0,0,20,8,38,8,40,35,2,43,0,3,0,1,24,18,1,5,18,183,51,2,0.10251494086433363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530064309981446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168083024344135,0.10503867157073736,0.08436106149229579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066613440619864,0.1119197642869514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844721443839517,0.08830754426141055,0.0,0.0,0.1149792232017042,0.16369967712702366,0.0,0.0,0.06611365600803733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004256142014503,0.0,0.0,0.0856380786622536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550390299100034,0.0,0.2952912591578554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677991272673292,0.0,0.34956962010564063,0.0,0.08199056312727995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742720787830529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828847783801152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675353548607798,0.056339530501720685,0.08356335929132354,0.11564131853149286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033448750654395,0.10274690238735287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871545367538792,0.0,0.0,0.06842951906850449,0.0,0.0,0.11166882388598898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875215195528727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760135296888043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23342787927699396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751518444722464,0.0,0.0,0.10375059316619237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480141844314522,0.11523108873915848,0.0,0.10450107220026708,0.0868605767207927,0.2367630297126823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373712839640886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810637150772478,0.13137486946795576,0.0,0.08138541201626642,0.11955457284261845,0.0,0.0,0.09795741917714744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917112489241976,0.06046596819231539,0.16274317676076766,0.08223130195545937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788712272737968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282367269267856,0.22416798954024705,0.0,0.0
bpd,climbing-,2019/03/19,"DAE feel like their sense of time is fragmented? It’s almost like my memory ran off the tracks a long time ago and my timeline blew up. I only see things according to events in life. I remember the feelings I’ve had towards people, but it’s so easy for me to completely forget about anyone if I don’t see them frequently. Their entire existence can diminish from my memory, unless something triggers it, which is rare. Basically, if they’re not around, they don’t exist, no matter how much they once did. Is this normal with BPD? ",5.296008403361345,6.43749316666667,6.057563025210083,77.58617647058827,68.31372549019608,9.75014005602241,27.31652661064425,9.957137785484203,2.6429114845938377,421,13,77,10,7,138,80,102,0.055,0.846,0.1,0.5473,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,0,17,13,7,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,4,12,2,13,10,1,12,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,3,8,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106827332500127,0.0,0.2271342763464296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860257339057046,0.0,0.0,0.20192394314975404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856804156730814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378235855062762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293808921473062,0.1620451121052527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602144777587822,0.2216322352120508,0.0,0.0,0.20073458124605836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674379791425226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224210529402727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24156314046074126,0.0,0.17251200352593438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725314379997565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569505485265681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615031863959151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746223533249108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506936477819008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645290637545963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pamcake1220,2019/03/19,"DAE get worked up over rude people in video games? Oh my GOD, if I’m being a normal, prosocial team player I don’t see why people would be excessively rude to me. I’m very rejection-sensitive, but at the same time I don’t seek these peoples’ approval. I pretty much never enter flame wars, I just say “I hope your day gets better” either for myself or to them and move along. But it stays in my thoughts for a while afterwards and definitely raises my blood pressure. 

I just don’t get why people are so inflammatory; it’s not at ALL conducive to winning/succeeding in games... if you treat people with respect they’re more likely to play well. If you shit on them, they’re gonna be too busy typing/arguing to even focus. Is this a BPD thing? Is that why this gets to me so much? Is this emotional dysregulation?",3.942805383022773,5.29421201242236,5.1070962732919245,82.3437914078675,71.73291925465837,7.8511387163561075,24.59679089026915,8.344100000000001,1.4407511387163567,638,18,127,10,12,211,109,161,0.066,0.696,0.23800000000000002,0.9858,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,2,4,7,12,4,1,4,0,11,2,2,0,2,21,21,11,1,6,10,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,5,1,0,1,2,17,7,18,15,6,16,0,0,1,0,9,8,1,5,6,82,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535193220525393,0.0,0.0,0.1927492187593287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869849579943657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215002315674002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108184173638704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198294891993152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520038004060291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476788370031741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265788778197987,0.22500483069665253,0.0,0.11803430893726087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994724811613538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.530495248396366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556972612260699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170399015063535,0.0,0.0,0.12195350632043038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709392815356016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312086654583144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167334296794688,0.0,0.0,0.1214971040936894,0.08923917703232234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627448372807148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760183636035125,0.0,0.41428588478474415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141534511152162,0.0,0.0,0.10871561773083756,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,9x19gen4,2019/03/19,"Attending school after spring break is agonizing and I give up TW: Self harm/SA

For once, for once I stayed more or less stable for  more that 2 days. But right as I feel in my body again high school has to fucking start again and ruin ALL MY PROGRESS. 

As soon as I step into the building dissociation hits and I just wanna go home now. I really just want to go home right now to slit my hands and smoke weed until it doesn't matter anymore because I swear that's the only reason why I didn't end myself last year (funny how docs say it causes dissociation but it's the exact opposite for me)

You know what I actually might do just that right now I dont even know anymore, if I skip then I'll feel guilty and shit

I just want this to end please please ",3.5649475524475527,4.463885506410256,4.615268065268065,87.23276223776224,72.14102564102564,7.4675990675990676,21.87412587412588,7.686295010490155,0.6162000000000001,593,12,131,7,11,194,100,156,0.102,0.8140000000000001,0.085,-0.5542,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,12,3,2,0,3,0,7,4,3,3,2,28,19,15,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,1,4,18,0,17,16,4,29,0,1,0,1,4,7,2,3,16,79,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.13250999987915024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693314326723426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277541650651586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083042538426367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949220638109608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757235666761604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914312463842153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405366347429728,0.0,0.0,0.08968703145330949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731750320265398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553429117806325,0.0,0.13026071379094814,0.15434348111244808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346801812149118,0.2724138978942153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925162991993438,0.11068576064397817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144050152637776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28922066701666665,0.0,0.10327328215924783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29811001906718315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698959778216234,0.13961320577062902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347887941662158,0.0,0.10798447480903058,0.0,0.27485044687657245,0.0,0.0,0.14165703227834775,0.0,0.1393849561247209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611180761743526,0.14473248644143666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018316494693466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252801143140825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744334965779245
bpd,sai____,2019/03/19,"Was told it didnt seem like I had BPD But the thing is they based that claim off of abusive assholes who used BPD to excuse their actions. It seemed like they were mad at me to bring up my diagnosis, saying that I don't have it. A and S have it, you arent like someone with BPD. I dunno. It made me feel invalidated because I know for a fact I have borderline but holy shit that entire conversation made me think I was lying about my condition I've been diagnosed with for years. I wish people would understand BPD didn't make you an inherently bad person. People expirence it different. I dunno. ",3.902371615312792,5.332675016806721,5.134733893557424,81.7993183940243,71.94117647058823,8.314098972922503,25.827264239028946,8.841846274778883,1.823570681605976,473,15,95,9,9,157,80,119,0.212,0.75,0.038,-0.9653,3,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,3,0,1,6,2,0,4,0,14,2,1,4,1,20,27,3,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,10,2,18,3,11,16,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,3,1,4,4,61,29,0,0.0,0.1659957548187494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697776368929814,0.08540374408793014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7058048801835136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219869152738854,0.0,0.14637482597369553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083883958101157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699537220320209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053375528692903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265132277121245,0.09351793036693308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942555916140121,0.12233003705374028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141325337014804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25508380865650365,0.0,0.0,0.14381077891219046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870639273783025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307630675918876,0.08977051177701427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387168622889395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458491851107808,0.0,0.12100153732452935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110824516157346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952311874529557,0.0,0.0,0.09021989585250398
bpd,colombianbunny97,2019/03/19,Anyone else only chase the emotionally unavailable? I was wondering if this was a bpd thing. My ex recently dumped me and was emotionally unavailable but I was obsessed with him. Men who are available just dont appeal to me. Anyone else like this?,3.1486666666666667,6.2562330888888935,4.379444444444445,77.0225,84.77777777777777,8.333333333333334,25.277777777777786,8.841846274778883,2.866777777777779,199,8,33,6,6,65,35,45,0.094,0.835,0.071,0.1803,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097962804514564,0.4539650230844525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790078631177128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596301916772931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701178982508071,0.4983803348806278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822781848525448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684826919357553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187330386521236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717394104171044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023861518377346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ViStandsForStupid,2019/03/19,"i feel like a failure. yeah i know everyone’s seen titles like this and it’s like “oh great another psycho” but i just can’t handle this shit. my fp (my bf who i live with) has his own issues but still manages to go to work every day even when he hates it because that’s what our little family needs (just the two of us and our cat). and i just fucking can’t. i haven’t been able to hold down a job for any decent length of time in over a year. i just called out today and am now home having a full blown panic attack because i know for a fact i’ll quit this one too. then it’s back to all our money issues, back to our depression, etc. all because i can’t get my fucking shit together. all because i can’t handle being around a lot of people all day (right now i’m working in a gym selling memberships). all i wanna fucking do is be a piercer in a tattoo shop so i can have my attitude but still be a nice person, not have to slap a stupid smile on my face every 5 seconds and sell people bullshit they don’t want. i’m alone in my apartment and i’m so scared and i feel like i’ll never get better. i just wanna get the right meds so i can stop freaking the fuck out all the time. why us? why the fuck do we have to go through this shit? don’t people know we just want to be “normal”? i feel so fucking guilty CONSTANTLY, especially because my fp picks up my slack and loves me more than i deserve. i’m sick of this shit. ",0.75466696619117,2.4913290000000003,2.7601190609906787,94.12908794788277,81.4755700325733,5.407121195102775,19.706728069190163,6.311591054244273,-0.06026307986072155,1101,28,254,9,29,370,155,307,0.263,0.6579999999999999,0.079,-0.9975,1,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,8,0,1,4,20,25,13,2,16,1,23,13,5,1,8,48,50,17,0,6,10,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,11,14,0,2,6,2,4,2,9,17,0,3,2,4,36,8,30,44,11,35,0,1,1,7,16,16,10,1,21,163,47,4,0.0851385258242114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817783631793663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789711708491521,0.08927516769150319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757913383992249,0.0,0.09685736412169743,0.0,0.13093254214250316,0.0,0.2594982755760629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752981073826008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869359539243638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200450040055484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981461164421663,0.0,0.0733296875376893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949519616469124,0.056233193346331006,0.0,0.1434657600028143,0.08135350995640336,0.0,0.0,0.08026102501230921,0.0,0.1291457903495812,0.12164595972059693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722551713233336,0.1334440973402535,0.0,0.0967723724879938,0.0,0.0,0.09386552528659277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405666796796482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085400883172769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772500255407278,0.08448684979048332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036972168454478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637753281863454,0.08533116956912594,0.07517887811287965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238173007324944,0.07684084358632852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945697090839511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312913811230918,0.06566407973926176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341767868708694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769206850085248,0.0,0.0,0.09989171593455427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707300159912384,0.07433967680367266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055530212233953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541567172974948,0.0,0.0,0.08523851688595195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495738931402469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359834734022649,0.07117961983986891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928991814797157,0.0,0.08070136749482447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316796861860278,0.0,0.2048223274726641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043381678852324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536485542115596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396372158994913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054826419254575764
bpd,BleepBloopSplat,2019/03/19,Disosciating Hey folks. I have a quick question for those who disosciate. Does anyone else get physical sensations when disosciating? I get a weird sensation in my chest and my head feels heavy and like there's pressure. I'm mostly just curious if it's just me but it would also be good to know I'm not alone. Thanks in advance guys! Have a good day 😊,1.5846376811594176,4.285465724637682,3.4753623188405776,83.80115942028986,87.40579710144928,7.12463768115942,22.159420289855074,8.167268648758528,1.5957072463768125,281,10,56,7,9,94,53,69,0.086,0.723,0.191,0.8148,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,3,0,4,2,2,0,0,12,11,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,4,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27223551417971864,0.0,0.2102027376084076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379230710918934,0.2693230493858103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951786590463366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23002365301691385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957920967543448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290592476926366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746587575792948,0.0,0.0,0.4409357583029805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602649147064853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26976209796155554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444566456218918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284162638996977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29445452002169525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419989078318857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672259753264386,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,undead_glitter,2019/03/19,"New but not so new...(possible triggers in post) Hello All, 

I lost my previous account details. Had been a reddit user for a fair few years, mainly sat on the fence observing others and never really posting anything (had a reddit break for a couple of years). I have BPD and was only diagnosed in late 2012. Had a bit of a journey prior to that diagnosis. Since diagnosis I feel like I've gone more backwards than forward a majority of the time. 

At this point in time I'm heavily thinking about Keith Flints suicide. I'm not sure about anyone else, but when someone I admire or just think is awesome has suicide'd my first thought is ""Lucky, why couldn't that be me?"" But this death has sparked a weird internal feeling that's not in a sense weird, but a yearning to go in that direction of, ""when I'm done, I will kill myself. That's not suicide, its a completion of my life"" 

I have this thought constantly in my mind, I say it out loud to myself and vision the words with my eyes shut. I've always had suicide ideation and have attempted it seriously twice. It is always in my thoughts, I think of it all day and all night, even when I am doing other activities or work. I've been in various situations too were I wasn't aware I was in any danger at that moment, as when I've been ""found"" (usually by emergency services people)  I'm not me and have dis associated within my environment and myself.

Obsessed with Keith Flints passing which I'm sure obsessed is the not the word I'm trying to convey, but is close enough. I'm going through all the lyrics of the songs he has had vocals in and discovering hidden meanings that's making this situation (my following thru with what Keith did) seem real and normal. I've been a prodigy fan from the 90s as a teen, up until through to now (40s). I blasted that music through the tape player in the car whilst my parent was driving on various trips. It was a soul, a vice, the music was everything to me, crazy, in control and calm.

I'm not asking for advice, or help, I'm just simply sharing my mind with all of you.

​

​

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bpd,shiroganemegami,2019/03/19,"I don't want to be alive anymore I Just had a guy insult the way I look to my face in a shop very loudly. I have really bad anxiety, I always feel like everyone is just looking at me and judging how I look, Hey guess I was right everyone is judging how awful I look. I guess most people are nice enough to not say anything :) all I want to do now I get drunk and overdose. I can't put up with this shit anymore.",0.8556460674157299,2.416439550561801,3.200435393258428,91.93188904494384,80.46067415730337,6.247752808988763,22.360955056179773,7.1686216300943375,0.6299314606741575,316,10,73,4,8,109,61,89,0.252,0.6609999999999999,0.087,-0.9257,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,3,1,10,3,2,2,1,15,20,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,1,3,3,0,0,2,7,14,2,8,17,3,7,0,0,4,0,4,4,1,3,2,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731279778514532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624254974059576,0.0,0.3273179997699547,0.0,0.0,0.1358003053280265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778775558201808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705134213836616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153741121338772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344085581792653,0.11789284372031265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621798399917842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36358404924659976,0.16339924093068786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062216172329369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543128161501374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440653818978992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658942287424547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571829980754473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409291940406051,0.0,0.13123333563409406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939428340794455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616169596902442,0.1946703087234401,0.13098799791763852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thepanone,2019/03/19,"What is FP and DAE? I am new here, and just recently got diagnosed. I am wondering what these to things mean?",0.22030303030303244,2.614907090909089,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,91.72727272727272,8.387878787878789,20.96969696969697,8.841846274778883,1.934315151515152,84,3,19,3,3,28,18,22,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017860364038216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166026222639585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312038010100343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823206950083559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908605582958548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629894830549673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292895112397373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sudlife,2019/03/19,"DAE feel smothered and stressed in relationships The one major factor that makes me feel a little outcasted is the way I am in relationships. Usually I will be with someone, and a couple of months in I lose all of my libido, and my desire to be around them. Im super intense when I first meet people and after a couple of interractions I usually have fallen head over heels for them. This soon wears off and I get really stressed about interactions with them and I start to intently pick at small things they do and how much they anger me. 

Where I begin to really feel different to others in this thread is when I look at my current relationship. Everytime he calls or texts me I get unmanageably mad because I feel smothered or like I have to put in this effort of upholding a conversation and stress out about having to keep my focus on what he's saying and not get distracted. He's such a lovely guy which makes me feel even worse, because I almost know he won't leave me no matter what I do so there's no real fear of abandonment, I just feel guilt and self loathing in relationships, I know I'm the toxic partner, but I can't stop doing toxic things and I do them more when I'm feeling worse about myself.

This is only my second LTR my first lasting 5 years (self blame for him cheating on me, real fear of abandonment with him) and this relationship is only young - 6 months. Sometimes I fear I don't actually love my boyfriend, and I just stay with him to not feel completely alone.

God that's so horrible, he doesn't deserve this. ",5.225132450331127,6.090162473509937,6.0062847682119225,78.89525496688742,68.30463576158941,9.218807947019867,28.01390728476821,9.3871,2.3070378807947014,1225,39,236,24,20,402,157,302,0.196,0.721,0.083,-0.9902,2,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,6,5,17,20,5,8,8,0,19,5,3,5,1,51,42,22,0,1,7,0,8,1,1,2,0,1,0,4,14,19,0,4,10,0,0,2,8,16,0,4,0,10,44,4,37,38,4,39,0,3,1,2,30,17,0,3,19,162,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.08311712799863485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528903743640244,0.08821414224931262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582254437167465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384204807466657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697174852887081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930287851652602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848589329086127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898826320794521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056256346539286704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875318727232918,0.3445305712944548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489720789343327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334990409909811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433523553163785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741266603204452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200208265294543,0.0,0.0,0.07570619171719066,0.0,0.0,0.0936183445730422,0.06942783596303775,0.0,0.09018652351138157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161150908215023,0.08536630342720156,0.0,0.0,0.07152435599143532,0.09528744986927426,0.0,0.0,0.15374496335430568,0.0,0.11370805255338715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596947848645652,0.0,0.06261238176533866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057715822364265264,0.12955669187076874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059048636270520025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562297336662071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389236264817933,0.10912875315076358,0.0,0.0,0.4572227499418304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773344972268604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770923997470742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216729824374363,0.0,0.08423884886285536,0.0,0.060286298567686365,0.0907837039626048,0.0,0.07120892700481178,0.2926981456065881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317108429284956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876133310764077,0.0,0.0,0.06760682358914819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359830994701764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054848993228923136
bpd,ilovecats154,2019/03/19,"Bpd as an excuse for bad behaviour? My sister has BPD and I’m not sure whether it’s her illness or if she’s just not a nice person sometimes.

For example, yesterday she wanted to borrow money from me for tobacco (just the day before I had given her some for tobacco)

I told her 1. I’m not giving her money for something that’s killing her.

No 2. I gave her money just the day before.


I’d only give her money if it was essential not something that she doesn’t NEED. She replied that she needs tobacco and it helps her cope.


So after I’d told her no through text and in a pleasant manner, mind you, she proceeded to block me on facebook and my phone number because of this. 

I didn’t even realise, I only found out because she phoned me to say sorry and she was just having a bad day.

I know that her illness makes her act irrationally sometimes but can it be an excuse for bad behaviour? What do you think?",2.452925675675676,4.237993735135138,4.0999155405405405,86.26230574324327,76.51351351351352,6.7871621621621605,25.076013513513516,7.645422480735847,1.329277027027027,711,25,143,10,16,238,101,185,0.157,0.8009999999999999,0.042,-0.9535,0,0,5,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,6,7,1,0,7,0,10,2,0,1,1,30,25,12,1,5,13,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,10,6,0,1,3,0,5,1,8,4,0,0,9,1,32,3,17,15,1,10,0,0,0,0,34,3,0,4,6,99,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36061566655115496,0.17552012809337464,0.0,0.2450081617826744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626391451034969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785376125264567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508788909422304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785079656147544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762097508542513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649707460827443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927655263111956,0.0,0.07911970216311051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960981236380664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536416720229933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21349726473710226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898457873404392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257051666917156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448718502724095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166343036329214,0.2847712235455016,0.1611576484403055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356858286690219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224731242395358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751305082219728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491461238275665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,needascreenname,2019/03/19,"Does this sound like BPD? Like many of us, I had a rough upbringing, my mom is very mentally ill with psychosis and my dad (all I had since my mom was taken over by the mental illness) was emotionally abusive. It was complicated, because he had a rough childhood of his own. I became depressed sometime around 13, and then anxiety followed. I developed bad habits, started compulsively playing with my hair, and dating guys who would hurt me. A couple years ago, I started to realize that I am not so innocent myself. Also, I disassociate for hours, imagining myself in a better reality with a better version of myself. I think this stems from how bad my dad made me feel about myself. I can't even cope with it. I am timid, but I've strung people on myself without realizing it. But the lack of self awareness makes me feel really shitty. It was weird man, I was timid, sensitive, and emotional. It made me a target, but also I needed guidance, support, and attention so badly that I became natural at getting attention from others.. now I get very angry at the age of 25. I'm still quiet, but I get very angry now. It's like my dad's angry habits are finally catching up, and breaking through the timidness. I don't think this is the right alternative to ""not standing up for yourself."" Also I wonder if my sensitivity just makes me take things personally in the first place... but I suspect It's a combination of being stepped on and taking things personally I would say. Anyway... after years of depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse, picking dangerous friends and partners, I kinda pulled myself out of these bad habits through education. I had a big dream of being a professor. I made it to an elite university for my master's, but did not quite make it to the PhD. This literally broke me... I couldn't get out of bed for 1 year. I couldn't even keep this information to myself, I told everyone, my boss, I reached out to everyone because I felt like I was in physical pain. I felt stripped of my  identity. I applied again half-heartedly, got one acceptance but it wasn't a school I would be happy at, and after being so broken by the first rejection, I decided I needed to take a break from academia.

​

I turned down the academia offer, and now I am pursuing a tech-related job. I've noticed a change in me, not only am I directionless, but I am irritable, stressed, and I do not feel like myself anymore. Yes I am now getting out of bed, but I am keeping myself so busy and overextended that I don't have time to even remember that I was ever so depressed and suicidal that I couldn't get out of bed over the two rounds of PhD rejections. What is happening to me? Does this sound ilke BPD? It's so weird friends, but something does not feel right. I have not felt the same since the breakdown, something has really changed. Is it just residual grief/irritability? Am I having an existential crisis? I've completely isolated myself, and I am in a constant state of teeth-clenching stress. 

​

Is this an odd case of depression... grief... existential crisis? Or does it sound like I've got some other disorders. Would labeling the disorder even provide relief? I wonder if it even matters in my case... like would the solution/therapy still be basically the same anyway??? I don't know dude.",5.2222204358699535,6.702964419614153,6.324460878885317,74.3382418720972,68.79099678456592,9.708953197570562,32.31096820292961,9.994966539143718,3.4273295748481605,2607,115,462,65,45,871,279,622,0.215,0.6920000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9982,2,0,3,0,1,0,116.0,1,0,0,7,29,38,1,5,32,1,50,5,1,9,2,98,92,38,2,13,23,5,11,7,3,5,4,5,3,6,33,24,1,2,22,2,0,4,16,22,0,4,23,16,79,16,66,56,7,60,0,9,1,0,21,26,0,7,33,332,112,6,0.0,0.14370439935983131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375648103580117,0.06480906959159971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548888176509198,0.0,0.1314136249639589,0.14737609583971506,0.0,0.0,0.09278366605180036,0.0,0.060141695580853666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398524810057263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253794186221136,0.07393498563043077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726785129829124,0.0,0.0,0.15275581366938853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830479371685174,0.0,0.06358317427568376,0.06553368610975711,0.0,0.0,0.06710047649473559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892737658265767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900457538230965,0.0,0.21227686780049987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643073123604646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002710968302544,0.05485518836567938,0.0,0.11589423043870554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265196666567872,0.043323468450689406,0.17468076192109305,0.06643159123692982,0.0,0.10316604094506568,0.0,0.0,0.09370547282999203,0.0,0.19010121353244827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970037113747174,0.0,0.0,0.0600462389059121,0.053626524857092066,0.06455574588960432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186240810420859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059721273296336676,0.0,0.0649197313020359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060178955056184875,0.10780481125950868,0.0,0.0,0.033327881571517316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073902112067368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721460046201857,0.121439292475539,0.061482621552262424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222803527046275,0.0,0.0,0.1420490158144142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993223382378425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904261223650499,0.0,0.0,0.041093358386789014,0.04612183758598402,0.06452857232608589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042042314795431183,0.10590249442022508,0.0633591698502095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450143981026209,0.0,0.0,0.07769909151124414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686968513758538,0.10357781353181954,0.0,0.04822585575686486,0.0,0.06137409117940602,0.0,0.0,0.06326401658833496,0.0,0.0,0.10032925747876123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337209764331653,0.05997761211066367,0.0,0.08584704752950939,0.0,0.09685937343565852,0.0,0.13893301471298886,0.0,0.0,0.06633374796679482,0.06881711203975996,0.0,0.0,0.13678827334356894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935071107803797,0.0,0.08057720977301676,0.07771534572812692,0.0,0.0,0.0353615002605536,0.0,0.0,0.05794711521935277,0.0,0.0,0.06596231781539262,0.05923953204581259,0.0,0.07294622577387805,0.0,0.0,0.15011081470308135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845781901520593,0.13152978818278568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539571926592507,0.0,0.14737609583971506,0.11715657389504106
bpd,666sweetpea,2019/03/19,"maybe if my rapist was in the punk scene i'd have healing too: a zine concept maybe if my rapist was in the punk scene i'd have healing too: a zine concept
(possibly going to be called: not one of the ""good victims"")
rants, thoughts, poetry and art from ""bad victims""

target: ppl in punk, queer, music, art, radical, progressive communities dealing with mental illness who have bpd, bipolar ect who do not have community for their healing because they are ""toxic"", or ""bad victims"" (i'm working on the target audience, the target audience is for people in my situation i guess, which is cancelled girls who need radical healing who have also caused harm)

(bad victims: repeated behaviors our abusers did to us. not necessarily intentional repeated behaviors but more so because it was means for survival in our subconscious? im figuring out what that means, i've been calling myself not one of the ""good victims"" for a while) 

introduction: i always have ideas for zines that are for the target audience by the target audience. what i mean by that is, im writing for my healing, for my sanity, to find community. i do not feel connected to music communities that talk about being good without practicing and challenging themselves. sometimes the abusers have been abused. there's not a lot of people talking about how to deal with that. it's hard to take accountability when i need accountability also. so if no one is gonna talk about it, i guess i'll talk about it. this isn't for people who take back seats to understanding mental illness. this is us talking to each other, expressing how we feel to each other, venting, and creating a healing process for ourselves with a community.  

topics: 
-why call out culture and cancel culture is based around social capital and why it sucks. 

-maybe if my rapist was in the punk community, maybe i'd have the social capital and i could shout out your toxic qualities too 

-i have been the abuser, i am also the abused. let's talk about it. 

-----------------------

i'm going to possibly post this in a different reddit as well. but im figuring out if im able to actually write a zine about this and if this zine idea appeals to anyone.",6.448444143795903,7.514261525125632,7.0423115577889455,71.83739080015465,65.65829145728642,10.243679938152301,34.65442597603402,10.302915286807345,3.7879637417858523,1709,77,292,41,26,562,176,398,0.159,0.805,0.036000000000000004,-0.9935,1,0,0,0,5,0,86.0,5,1,2,4,21,18,9,0,21,0,33,13,0,4,0,58,52,26,0,9,16,0,3,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,26,18,0,0,12,2,2,2,9,13,1,3,9,4,24,5,52,38,4,21,0,0,0,4,32,13,2,10,5,201,50,2,0.06996267021362487,0.41447161911325103,0.06827347389198887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678473662790578,0.0582145462103928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048919525726473866,0.0,0.0,0.0622816094375725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379697485637277,0.17524772185706894,0.08529718878439647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811553397468354,0.0,0.2143191257507361,0.0,0.0,0.07187093441386515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585949925129127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442568818794144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309609957794583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075045640608009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394461309461437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952279554554156,0.1760441052563491,0.0,0.0,0.15414353780298304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267281044250199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795867757139104,0.3022867579408008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154157040936178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947976032686105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811476234064203,0.2286295743666648,0.0,0.0,0.14101183235936726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375286693925496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222554795466652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550991921324966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774479716299294,0.06700489859634955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864097264108676,0.0,0.14263626335195295,0.0,0.0,0.06919486978212018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520644207781524,0.3374000650731937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055542545243520015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283360705846878,0.16831295598122728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290484270096455,0.0,0.12626085574113444,0.0,0.0,0.06744151746222568,0.0,0.050933657166899585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soosh24,2019/03/19,"My trust issues are getting worse. I'm a horrible person. I'm so afraid of my friends leaving or excluding me to the point where I use the password of my best friend (let's call her A) to log into this one messaging app and read her messages essentially every day. She trusted me not to use it.

I know it's wrong, and I'm not trying to justify my behaviour, but I feel like it's the only way for me to think that I have control over my kinda-toxic friend group. I don't want to be left out.

As I am typing this up, I heard Friend A and my other best friend talking about someone from across the room. It was me. I'm super self-conscious about my speaking abilities for Chinese and they were dissing me.

Even though I can check messages, my friend group talks across two different platforms, though, and one of them can only be accessed using a phone number, so I can't read messages there. Sometimes I have mental breakdowns because I don't know what they're talking about and I'm certain they're talking about me. I hate the feeling of not knowing what's going on. Realistically, though, I don't think they hate me, they just don't see me as the same level as them, like I'm some outsider who's only friends with Friend A, B and C and has a pathetic crush on FP.

The only person I really care about is FP. He's the only guy in my friend group and I was actually the one who introduced him to Friend A (who now also has a crush on him). She told FP I had a crush on him, but I'm so glad he's actually a decent person because we're still friends and it isn't awkward. Friend A is always putting me down and commenting on stuff I'm self-conscious about but she says it's her way of showing affection. Thanks to her, I feel so uncomfortable in my own body and am always conscious about the way I walk. I know Friend A doesn't hate me, but I feel like she's starting to.

FP is smart, funny and nice. A bunch of girls like him and no one in the school hates him. He may seem like your stereotypical cool guy but he's kind of weird and I think he has depression. I'm really trying to get closer to him, but I know Friend A and the rest of the group will get mad at me.

Most recently, I had a dream that FP asked out Friend A and they were acting all lovey-dovey around me and there was this absolutely horrible feeling in my gut. When I woke up, I actually started tearing up because I was so happy that it was just a dream. Friend A really likes FP but she told me that she wouldn't go out with him if he asked because she values our friendship more than a dumb high school fling. And I kinda feel bad since I haven't been able to separate their real selves from the ones I dreamed about.

I know my friends are actually good people, but I hate how they leave me out of things and make me feel bad about myself even if it's just a joke. I just find it really hard to trust them right now. ",3.801817803660565,4.350363905158074,4.818502079866891,87.27747025790352,71.34608985024957,7.8735607321131456,26.173086522462558,7.908726449838941,1.2641184359401003,2261,67,500,28,40,741,240,601,0.11800000000000001,0.624,0.258,0.9986,1,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,1,1,9,4,33,54,7,2,34,1,38,2,2,7,2,82,90,45,0,4,18,0,8,6,17,3,0,3,1,6,24,28,0,1,19,7,1,5,13,14,0,6,14,13,89,40,64,70,10,48,0,1,1,0,83,32,1,8,14,323,113,5,0.0493307876322818,0.0,0.1925589307097625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039449813046813074,0.08209433423412361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391485972705588,0.09223525453870153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237829424915866,0.12028636107528864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353923630468377,0.0,0.0,0.054795384229455256,0.0,0.0,0.05037224968526579,0.0,0.05029602571576181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532867301161728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031814276988584016,0.0,0.0424885351025731,0.0,0.0,0.05154017355280331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516503996276685,0.0,0.04156331619962186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460189915842847,0.0704838490825191,0.0,0.0,0.045087446193334914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6479183506246519,0.0,0.07731990145407901,0.0,0.056071646879745696,0.041376324182591386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769047106268444,0.0,0.052513540736832655,0.04419069616435575,0.2435196990118489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212068558168866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051488525747109465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137042409289598,0.16266546462691042,0.0,0.0,0.10446836259830657,0.05359804510241074,0.05044407261712643,0.0,0.144603186256809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032928683804391866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971383120826183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671390919522636,0.18759143462388367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03419975681879848,0.1292212229499832,0.0,0.0,0.046633539432193324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959106682541339,0.0,0.0,0.0986882744880143,0.05614923620937691,0.12641026297699914,0.0,0.04870820147631482,0.0,0.0,0.04212822309912435,0.0,0.039229822318024805,0.0,0.09985078145785402,0.03931025086432323,0.04490889632561845,0.1029255402909743,0.0,0.0,0.04080693729971703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179781627637578,0.0,0.04878941035330028,0.0,0.06983317078059914,0.0,0.0393956307263164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647194955142615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586008739272161,0.0,0.045417161451464336,0.0,0.0,0.032773183312850736,0.09482753047459304,0.1454017451478828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942753632142122,0.0,0.06698473328874817,0.0,0.04818901147294527,0.0,0.0,0.12781788519392626,0.0,0.0,0.02909657666215545,0.11746944919003705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027228704438735,0.0,0.05393547219912048,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrayZbitch,2019/03/19,"I feel like a child. I don’t know how to adult. Just moved in with my bf and I feel like the stupidest most useless person. I just don’t know how to clean and interact with people normally. I can’t even leave the room to pee because there are people outside (it’s a share house). 

My bf had to teach me how to fucking do chores because I never had to do it at home before. He was yelling at me because I kept asking questions on how to do it or when I do things wrongly. Like I’m already anxious having to do things in front of people I can’t have someone being mad at me for trying. 

He left the room for awhile talking to people outside while I stayed in the room and I got annoyed at him. People must think I’m a freak for not going out. I was mad because I wanted him to bring me outside. I can’t go out on my own (even to the living room). 

I’m sure he doesn’t like me as much now because I can’t fucking adult. ",1.5696042713567842,2.769135090452264,3.373187814070352,93.03103800251257,77.4924623115578,5.578015075376885,23.49277638190955,5.602791699666715,0.2516856783919597,709,22,163,3,16,238,96,199,0.111,0.8,0.08900000000000001,-0.659,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,11,14,5,0,8,0,21,3,1,4,3,28,38,11,0,3,4,0,2,4,2,1,0,1,7,4,5,7,0,1,6,0,0,5,9,8,0,0,6,3,25,6,29,30,3,26,0,1,0,2,16,16,2,3,8,109,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389370800591886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730880767153548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190136972649936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974367569057176,0.0,0.11095621942861733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224883629307275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318628777541875,0.18630788823051914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410954540462633,0.0,0.0,0.14821253742176355,0.0,0.1042884911056723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079643774018304,0.0,0.0,0.15045788683952208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332294843506274,0.0,0.0,0.1380690773556079,0.14167413849126545,0.0,0.0,0.25481690357526315,0.0,0.11514084029523801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858884742821995,0.0958550506749095,0.0,0.1005683711725518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775904430348056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519960639101859,0.11385555450294575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607181901482916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104829401978578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898331765121916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289538821574382,0.0,0.0,0.1048062580205444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325678586197565,0.08355160876715087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852938910941496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691012654994246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256604962605812,0.0,0.0
bpd,94bopper,2019/03/19,"[TW] Splitting my ex - who is coming to pick up some stuff this weekend We broke up about 2 weeks ago. He has been on holiday for past week. We haven't talked except for today as he is coming this weekend to pick up some items he left here. It's been a really hard breakup for me as I still love him. I've been sad and drunk and self-harming. But the few days before him coming back from holiday, I felt sudden hatred and anger towards him. I feel almost sick, like something seriously wrong. After a few days of feeling like this, I think I realise I am splitting because I knew I'd be seeing him soon (to get his stuff) and I'm just so scared to see him again. I think I know I'm going to be so sad to see him and want to be with him, so I'm splitting in defense so that I don't get those loving feelings and start feeling depressed all over again.

I don't want to feel angry or bitter when he comes over. But I know if I let that go, I can really only be the other extreme - loving, clingy, sad, etc. 

I don't know how to deal with this..",4.141085972850679,3.7699019321267,5.242714932126699,87.75375565610862,70.4027149321267,7.704977375565611,26.04977375565611,6.67199483983844,0.8859972850678729,801,20,182,5,13,266,124,221,0.21600000000000005,0.695,0.08900000000000001,-0.9863,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,0,0,14,16,3,1,4,0,17,5,0,3,1,42,49,18,0,3,6,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,14,1,1,12,5,0,6,4,11,0,0,5,11,27,5,29,39,7,33,0,5,3,3,21,9,0,5,20,119,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552976938758772,0.0,0.11921039260187904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915413445953926,0.0,0.07257117498127998,0.0,0.1013019439634478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102007427283496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535535328595624,0.122734307734183,0.1025367427549704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277112166154015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009737967349229,0.08504864058394827,0.11430572442483244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439639424450187,0.0,0.1353165981852794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664453443331814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627867683954545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934710386149248,0.12173568434328305,0.0,0.11632267131959845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32233915388648177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054214097346057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364575613683706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253169572885278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191888329574282,0.0,0.2845999564902177,0.0,0.12419408697256835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164974847379033,0.0,0.0,0.08426350603530895,0.0,0.09507269769838407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725652814363836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568708930143607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256360450945305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284454682202365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043638779521164,0.0,0.19098787889399427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016141001091272,0.0,0.0
bpd,toucss,2019/03/19,On my way home from hospital Yesterday I'd had enough. I just wanted to go to sleep and sleep forever so I took an overdose. Unfortunately it didn't work :( ,0.35806451612903706,2.756785451612906,3.19574193548387,83.19361290322581,97.70967741935483,7.6412903225806454,22.32903225806452,8.238735603445708,2.1132529032258063,123,5,25,4,5,43,27,31,0.078,0.8440000000000001,0.078,0.0015,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,4,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416823544914835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793389954739725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317004758034925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6618405669581005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673992797156093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504449824083592,0.262479558356412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074004803072685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FutureFirefighter17,2019/03/19,"I need help So, I've been having a bad week so far. I've been having bad dreams almost every night and just been depressed, but tonight was the worst. I found out my ex moved on with her life (I really feel like a piece of s**t saying this) and it feels like I'm being forgotten by her. Anyway, about an hour into self loathing and trying to go to sleep, I start seeing things in my room including transparent tall people and green rectangles. I'm wondering if you've experienced anything similar and what it is.",4.717553041018388,5.784429128712876,5.3420933521923635,82.46128712871287,69.5940594059406,8.939745403111743,25.319660537482317,9.23628265651192,1.892605657708628,406,11,80,8,7,131,76,101,0.17600000000000002,0.725,0.099,-0.8646,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,8,2,1,0,0,17,18,9,0,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,8,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,5,6,8,2,10,12,2,14,0,1,2,0,6,7,0,3,7,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069458290002811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006824827499534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451144262006435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800085017152648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412475157404592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089927581420916,0.29528401084579103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659825459732355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745287041571735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852365117123053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352406839068893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597408392500189,0.20193282751911756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196529149451041,0.0,0.15323998549443207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939417438329477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327596314415944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239532868096826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643488462906186,0.0,0.0,0.16468579247114984,0.0,0.2155973797628954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681493475632845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627903432198192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729949687442694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031243304959284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657747452385286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241201177400897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dance4now,2019/03/19,"Sex-starved and failed in multiple attempts to form sexting relations. I live in a sexually repressive society and I feel sex-starved. I never had sex. For the past 3 days I've tried to form casual sexting relationships but didn't work out.  My hyper sexual self is killing me.
I'm male and at 21 years old I feel like I'm missing out a lot on the sexual fun that adolescents and people in their early twenties these days have. I've messaged like 40-50 girls for a sexting relationship and most of them either ignored me or declined the offer. I finally had someone who wanted to try it out but today morning she messaged me that she changed her mind and didn't have the time. I'm truly devastated. This is painful than death. I don't wanna die without experiencing all the pleasures this world has to offer but I don't think I have that much time left.",3.318392857142854,5.461868815476191,4.722047619047622,81.15628571428573,75.13095238095238,7.813333333333333,29.057142857142853,8.648137234880735,2.4153185714285716,683,30,129,14,15,227,104,168,0.166,0.7020000000000001,0.132,-0.7981,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,3,0,11,1,1,8,0,12,2,0,0,2,27,20,10,3,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,9,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,3,17,5,18,16,7,21,0,2,0,1,15,10,0,3,13,81,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919076905943779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339888416121741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827490442485004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345265977835026,0.1295993164099247,0.0,0.19872575119715846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007032499565719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710245954497704,0.0,0.0,0.17725549265089094,0.0,0.16018832412145553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542282663494413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317235213082927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333571987734225,0.0,0.139914549836943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035924354012645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303299485099368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731763401166328,0.12576682921821875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895328267577762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925015924166794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537080760304108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624018160491875,0.0,0.0,0.21156322080782955,0.0,0.17195543665729313,0.0,0.0,0.2463309185614817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700029849021243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487273420429997,0.0,0.13206861629098085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168220707521594
bpd,Womanofflame,2019/03/19,"Getting over an obsession? I know it's ridiculous, but when I meet someone I view as 1 in a million, which is rare, I get attached and then immediately obsessed with them. It gets to the point I will literally think of them every minute I'm awake and it messes with my daily life. They say all the right  things and I feel like they are full of it and are maybe trying to gain something out of talking to me, whether it be self-validation, sex, or amusement, yet I cling like crazy. Then I get ignored and made to feel like an idiot and like I'm insane. So my question is, can anyone else relate, and if so, how do you detach?",3.6496500437445287,4.603306755905514,4.686561679790028,86.59568678915136,71.99212598425197,6.904286964129485,26.70953630796151,6.937597516519254,1.0757951006124236,486,16,103,4,9,159,87,127,0.139,0.71,0.151,0.5661,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,4,1,5,11,2,2,5,0,8,2,0,2,1,23,19,18,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,4,16,5,13,16,2,10,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,3,8,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404908977943564,0.20587062429358044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784641745614504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692873349369137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318666201768856,0.2870806292252456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198984826549176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042270568878478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419187301870317,0.3926457312698587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901193706025036,0.0,0.0,0.2018554014912599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189938347826618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250811284113093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158820003258954,0.0,0.15978301727347485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096077984864871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702424534564637,0.15468129343126166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149529032315355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334851346746463,0.12874413770380586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641436748513475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,im_justdead,2019/03/19,"Emotional investment = pushing them away. Not invested = love? I felt emotionally invested in the last girl I was with and subsequently, I cut her out of my life. I deleted her on everything and haven't talked to her since.

But I find that I am still talking to one of my ex's who I believe I'm still in love with, but I can't tell. Because if I felt emotionally invested in her, I'd cut her out like I did with the last girl I was with, but this one ex is still in my life and we've been talking daily even after the breakup last year. I don't know if I love her as a friend or as an FP or if I'm even emotionally invested in her at all or if I'm using her for comfort or to fulfill my needs. 

I will openly tell people that I love this ex. Hell, I even told the girl that I revealed the innermost parts of me to. But I hid this girl from people, our friends didn't know about us being together, it was pretty secretive. And I refused to put a label on us even though we acted like a couple. I don't know why I do what I do. And if someone reads this who has more insight than 'it's BPD,"" leave a comment or something.",4.067650531286893,3.5286548677685983,5.730767414403777,84.7635537190083,70.5702479338843,9.228335301062572,29.68240850059032,8.841846274778883,1.9994276269185352,866,30,203,14,14,299,116,242,0.12300000000000001,0.762,0.115,-0.0315,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,4,0,1,0,10,12,3,0,10,0,17,6,0,1,1,41,32,22,0,6,15,3,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,4,12,13,0,1,9,1,5,3,6,3,0,2,9,2,40,9,30,21,3,23,1,0,0,4,37,12,1,10,10,142,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935545548951998,0.0,0.0,0.060700362095153386,0.0,0.0,0.1121876034690092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254119835529566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017850846274786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44803659411417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26307498115828903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949212943749345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912163848504847,0.0,0.09101029527921838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386372452981115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417243842050672,0.2435022147912024,0.0,0.1054361837953667,0.0,0.0,0.14066638346412344,0.0972952177058799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594834700949694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383404636631022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495000844403182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783067222779104,0.0,0.138066367884745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130418421309023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010098189281576,0.0,0.0,0.09960254749445596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236996606910951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437008352674925,0.07665816241398665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385636105717019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010528849477936,0.17406692835738988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783252233359402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514875390025264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23955437497923865,0.08600134816228945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898514918387649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412342227989018
bpd,Becca2843,2019/03/19,"[Comorbidity] I was diagnosed with high functioning autism long before I ever knew I had BPD. I grew up unable to cope with life. I was miserable every day growing up and my parents called me their devil child. I spent most of my time at school in the guidance counselor's office. I got used to looking at silly calender's in offices and being scolded for arguing with teachers. I cried a lot, I screamed, I hated my mother, I kicked nurses when they tried to give me shots. I had a lot of outbursts and even used to think about killing my mom as a child. Kids picked on me for being different and I fantasized about stabbing them in the face. I was a wild child, but also extremely insecure and self destructive. As a teen I self mutilated and had bulimia until I was 17. When I feel emotional pain, I feel it through my whole entire body. The emotional pain doesn't go away. I will hurt for days when someone makes a snide remark. I feel emotional pain physically.

​

I've always known I was ""different"" and ""not like other kids"" because I had autism, but I didn't find out I also had borderline personality disorder until last year at age 27.

​

As of now, I've made it my goal to continue fighting BPD and try to find better coping mechanisms for my emotions...but it pains me to know I can't wish away autism. Even if I overcome BPD, I'll be stuck on the autistic spectrum forever. 

​

At least I have hope with BPD. ",4.156070381231668,5.891346465949828,5.216124144672532,80.25327712609972,71.79569892473118,8.513587487781036,29.52769631801889,9.095868883498916,2.598374910394265,1140,47,213,24,22,375,158,279,0.214,0.731,0.055,-0.9935,3,0,0,0,2,0,47.0,0,0,3,2,11,18,5,2,10,0,18,8,2,5,1,37,37,21,1,3,4,3,3,1,0,1,6,1,0,8,4,13,0,0,9,0,1,3,4,14,0,0,16,5,41,4,40,17,5,33,1,2,1,0,18,15,0,5,16,139,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287842146504967,0.06699939457920373,0.26173134764716305,0.2935231730019241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513030682075072,0.0,0.0,0.049084467541914464,0.0,0.06851690056953506,0.0,0.0,0.07121372000611838,0.0,0.08943997422863179,0.4056503271873375,0.0,0.0822202960530854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844784072988497,0.1038579491311214,0.0,0.0,0.08172647620217435,0.0,0.1682532884521308,0.09228331500104232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717237208599304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636588422249976,0.07283528061531337,0.06784188088149866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214054872844107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718831092342125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772424718340753,0.04576157939582034,0.0,0.06439949209184437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949719090417796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507418719219367,0.0,0.07997489142279622,0.0,0.0,0.08619871679837164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908385451554743,0.0,0.044251887175984016,0.06563484492106171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687391553414267,0.03933818341957697,0.0,0.0,0.07125798977891698,0.0676168275801645,0.0,0.0,0.13691107089328772,0.0,0.07619031688629932,0.053747969327394785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943044790859302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427173846706962,0.0,0.0894083371200374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030727747700828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814909088227411,0.0,0.0,0.16800060444040546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822464452329839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159419904358317,0.0,0.0,0.04695207274262725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933608557191003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390874860290111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989811270877747,0.0925944467051258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935231730019241,0.05185247551966503
bpd,undercovur,2019/03/19,"How do you guys deal with your fp being busy? Yeah, this sounds dumb. My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and it’s admittedly difficult on me. Especially the days when she’s busier than usual. It does take me by surprise. We just argued about it. We’re just different in that way. When I’m out I still go on my phone and she just doesn’t. So when she’s busy our talk isn’t as often. And I just was wondering if anyone else has an issue like this. It’s dumb, yeah, but it’s still a point of anxiety for me. ",-0.5639527027027036,1.652731405405408,1.6795889639639654,95.3772212837838,95.30630630630631,5.297522522522524,15.946509009009011,6.9077264865688965,-0.12495990990990967,410,10,95,7,16,137,76,111,0.094,0.843,0.062,-0.5187,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,2,0,0,13,6,3,0,4,2,7,0,0,1,0,17,12,12,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,15,2,12,10,0,16,0,0,0,0,15,6,2,3,9,64,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833874052755336,0.0,0.0,0.16300528120809707,0.23886244256608075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034528831049054,0.24033995881762746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24356430464063225,0.0,0.0,0.20400783272316345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474466251371367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248938392037599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082878863437944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24332023169688966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389230342610368,0.0,0.0,0.2063068471381356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037693747959616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502872561861993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723452500175945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527976223323224,0.18737573484256284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675245744574804,0.0,0.0,0.1850424806917972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25281235118774137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadlilbbyy,2019/03/19,"i'm about to sound insane but please bare with me lol am i the only one that will ever feel ""weird"" just like unreal or just feel off and think something is going on w their body? my anxiety kicks in pretty pretty bad at night when i'm trying to sleep and i literally will convince myself i'm about to have a heart attack or pass out idk it's so shitty i go into complete panic mode and NOTHING i do calms me down enough idk it's so overwhelming i hate dealing with this:(((",0.4883333333333333,2.82562947474748,2.526489898989901,91.6430681818182,87.58585858585859,4.916161616161617,16.33080808080809,6.42735559955562,-0.2420646464646463,374,8,78,4,12,125,74,99,0.268,0.565,0.16699999999999998,-0.9136,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,8,9,2,2,2,1,6,3,3,0,1,16,15,9,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,1,0,3,10,3,14,13,1,13,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,2,4,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356262592252518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22836638048838395,0.0,0.0,0.1676063229919196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229726398522075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104680623594327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695018413256236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741413094486155,0.0,0.0,0.18157736440820504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299648501955456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281659906477488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198185416192406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23787333618478626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806955647853384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837730381970666,0.0,0.19261177566170004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360240285898532,0.15266890808392447,0.0,0.2355206526174483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034804234112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084417158191754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008811462095718,0.0,0.0,0.1545365160932212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862363681367492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362866874757628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cat_in_the_sun,2019/03/19,"I really really hate myself. I just don’t know.
It doesn’t matter. whatever I’m labeled as, it doesn’t matter. I’m not a good person. Therapy has helped. Books help. Being honest with the people I love, help. 
I still come back to feeling this way and it’s doesn’t change. 
I just hate myself. ",-0.8832272727272716,1.0202976166666673,1.8772727272727288,91.3186363636364,106.16666666666666,4.848484848484849,12.12121212121212,6.574015621080383,-0.31533333333333324,227,4,46,4,11,78,40,60,0.17,0.573,0.257,0.3922,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,14,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,7,3,3,13,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815896094981032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24982204098873065,0.20342773261935998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940771562799818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807669119742036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466310888408529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748717484907423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297853206389373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314027134919053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637210362266586,0.20620256293965272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025755322462235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885947177779352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27006529816445474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744987036278546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,windlab,2019/03/19,"It took me 25 years to realize I had BPD and I feel like I finally understand myself Long story short, I'm a medical professional and my patient today described their symptoms of BPD and I was like ""Huh. That sounds familiar."" I looked it up, and the moment I saw a post that said ""When I feel happy, I feel like I've never been sad before. When I'm sad, I feel like I'll never be happy again,"" I knew. I've been saying that for years!!
Since i was a child, I've known I was depressed, but it always felt like something ~more~. Suicidal thoughts (but never actions) since AT LEAST 7, probably earlier. Paranoia that everyone hates me, even though I know I'm a likable person and that my friends love me. Obsession with embarassing moments  Issues with self-identify: I've always felt like I was just a puzzle made up of pieces I stole from other people. Small, innocent comments will send me from elation to depression.
I was seeing a therapist (who never realized the signs of BPD) and we came to conclusion that all my depressive episodes are triggered by the underlying thought that ""I am bad."" So there's the black and white thinking underneath it all. 
I even have a job that allows me to move every three months, because I'm so impulsive!
I'm sorry for the long post, but I feel like a door has been opened. I've gone so long thinking that my symptoms were just a mashup of depression, anxiety, paranoid personality disorder, bipolar, and others. It feels good to know there's a whole group of people whose brains are just as miswired as mine is! Woo hoo!
I'm making an appointment to see a DBT specialist tomorrow! Wish me luck. ",4.4876064962726305,6.1449890319488825,5.330115814696487,80.0769415601704,70.82108626198085,8.922736954206602,29.974574014909482,9.408791572840183,2.7976752928647497,1289,53,239,29,24,420,172,313,0.122,0.706,0.172,0.9291,1,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,1,1,14,22,1,1,17,1,18,6,1,4,6,53,53,19,1,1,6,0,8,7,1,1,4,3,1,3,18,13,0,0,20,0,0,6,4,9,0,1,21,17,33,13,25,30,6,34,0,6,6,1,14,8,0,2,25,147,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879051466726994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380056605802109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963529190483478,0.05083970202341029,0.0,0.0709670285319536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151171255289543,0.0931016819154174,0.0,0.09538707449875572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873282649458806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558331731681058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016947173178054,0.0,0.07026787049850029,0.07969201713499957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253016459719248,0.2383231384030589,0.16015364146515673,0.09136032893300307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443442540791912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995173761887531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756112925113748,0.0,0.08233996821530833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870476513948014,0.0827613643811244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916686223021357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852142717123348,0.0,0.0,0.22141841290549666,0.07003476941067771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527151350975636,0.07891484213944032,0.055669968155094486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401645504134878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656886972760277,0.08864071559302236,0.0,0.0,0.25729205638647884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156377451540018,0.14564285673287805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974777726181713,0.0,0.08991901594597015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933224267410889,0.06632281363408686,0.0,0.0,0.13291757586094416,0.0,0.08700410839956216,0.0,0.0,0.1379782388799393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420518758487684,0.0,0.09335917099080457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122576955881116,0.0,0.0,0.17336850771231233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683351590398716,0.0,0.10687836038039583,0.08193981241564426,0.13242014139246275,0.0,0.0,0.07905319345977697,0.0,0.09266016998662492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682206138123204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311282145779468,0.0959055749253327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074133849916925
bpd,Armorplatedcar,2019/03/19,How do you keep yourself from splitting on someone? I think most of us on here are pretty aware when our minds are trying to talk us into splitting on someone whether it's for a trivial reason or otherwise. How do you prevent this from happening without it being emotionally exhausting? Do you just have to sit with the intense emotions or is there some way to rationalize with yourself? ,8.275140845070425,8.536155070422538,7.786021126760563,70.85536971830989,61.67605633802818,9.916901408450704,41.69366197183098,9.516144504307137,4.258152112676058,314,17,50,5,4,99,53,71,0.049,0.866,0.084,0.3695,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,3,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,3,0,17,11,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,14,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,1,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854026432930549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907961401395441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177768773568146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785641881395545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950581465740754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183754579380774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656260412363017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341997392636846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825050228455985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648709572344984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190662028722913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712605007462934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798525093319173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyrosefairy,2019/03/19,"Final Straw I've had enough of being treated like garbage by people who are better than me. I'll just throw myself away so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

I'm shit at writing suicide notes so whatever.",1.0527906976744212,3.4577742790697705,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,85.27906976744184,4.370232558139535,22.55348837209302,5.6839178017228535,0.3131525581395347,166,6,33,1,5,54,39,43,0.171,0.716,0.114,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,3,6,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,7,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315281471179279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140786319581942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956543845561723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34464069560883104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454133209282358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662008884213488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331833820047045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317561982591529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431462550185117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656615321936514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tortiesunite,2019/03/19,DAE hate when others preach to you about ”positive thinking”? Especially people that don’t have a disorder. Like don’t you think I if I could just fix my brain to being positive all the time I would? It drives me crazy. My disorder is not a choice. I’m not trying to be this way. I cringe every time I see it.,0.8039285714285711,3.012528500000002,2.9100892857142884,90.48312500000002,84.3125,6.7821428571428575,18.517857142857142,7.957251820313856,0.6733732142857143,240,6,53,5,7,81,47,64,0.17300000000000001,0.6859999999999999,0.141,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,8,1,1,0,1,9,13,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,10,1,4,9,1,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29042529589882365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771708825111146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5963332271471867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191965457750525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568547542992413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710133932899642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036261892634128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731433366928545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334008451840589,0.0,0.0,0.3034035032177174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766319858362307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065033933038963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848106424270771,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tripleax,2019/03/19,"I’m so mad that any tiny little thing can set me off I had an absolutely amazing day. I had to work earlier than usual and wasn’t looking forward to it but I actually had a lot of fun. I was feeling good. Came home and was chilling, playing games, having a great time. 

My roommate texts me and says he’s gonna go hang out with a coworker and probably won’t be back till tomorrow and that I shouldn’t expect to see him before I work again. This absolutely destroyed the good vibe I had going. Now I can’t stop thinking about how awful I am to be around and that I probably made him do this because of how shitty I am. There’s always someone better than me to be hanging out with. Everyone always finds better friends or better people to be around. Why am I such a piece of garbage that I can never have friends who want to be around me? Why should I not just kill myself because I’m a problem for everybody? I should probably go and cut my arms again just to be safe. ",3.657957142857143,4.53031871,5.026428571428571,84.47000000000001,71.9,7.914285714285715,28.285714285714285,8.192908349453996,1.7939714285714286,762,28,159,11,14,255,116,200,0.114,0.6459999999999999,0.24,0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,5,15,17,4,0,7,1,26,1,1,3,1,36,39,13,1,6,5,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,9,15,0,2,3,2,0,7,6,5,0,0,9,4,24,12,24,19,2,26,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,2,12,114,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.12291178451026365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096056741010266,0.0,0.0,0.08565223747485595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363741430641436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684994484551104,0.0,0.15355934141838354,0.0,0.10717657391823776,0.0,0.0,0.3341851045268417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405647315861936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122914981210846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035331817954065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636855308222957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151185966853175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946216743315268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147456724967,0.21128650114589145,0.0,0.13886342994864015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634094915897404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934813511766378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623781576589502,0.0,0.0,0.10576864772082924,0.0,0.0,0.10708058440944676,0.0,0.11917960476526887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714258040078652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731982723255666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073953323908393,0.12051983952161828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016273873885896,0.0,0.0,0.1003680912740993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671941661132266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530219825889883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367745770537252,0.08070548202826251,0.0,0.0,0.07344410288681584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871923799445354,0.0,0.0742902372277019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730566072391956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833903077473896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kn1ght_of_Breath,2019/03/19,"I want to know more Can anyone give me the run down on BPD, and stuff its associated with and just, general info. I wanna know more since I see alot of posts I'm relating to.",5.005135135135134,4.0533939729729775,6.9331081081081125,78.30614864864866,68.72972972972974,10.643243243243244,26.60810810810811,10.125756701596842,2.0990108108108108,135,3,31,3,2,48,30,37,0.0,0.961,0.039,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,7,7,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24570603103440464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425741624408286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370935013301504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862388977054622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365426677687968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800191423026173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906805052479069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022672592989891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072639645317967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jigglypuff100,2019/03/19,About to start splitting. Already started my day off with general irritation. My bf just watched my story but didn’t text me back. Now I’m convinced he doesn’t love me and that there’s someone else out there who would make me feel more loved. Trying not to freak out. ,2.8877358490566034,5.1492283396226455,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,76.9245283018868,5.749433962264153,25.69433962264151,6.742157984588678,0.8705275471698113,214,8,44,2,5,65,45,53,0.033,0.6829999999999999,0.28300000000000003,0.9590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,11,10,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,6,3,7,8,1,8,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,5,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394292223365605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23651494240570026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836777109290527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25694895443151644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555249172164073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.55521743938786,0.0,0.20531629914595104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606169442188052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354224501492969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883096360338047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218500541447742,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinnipedmom,2019/03/19,"i know he needs space and space will improve our relationship, but literally ALL i want to do right now is spam my FP’s phone please help me distract myself/whatever. all my friends fucking hate me and just don’t even text me back at this point. ",3.535,5.3033118367346965,3.877295918367349,89.08288265306123,73.48979591836735,7.348979591836735,26.535714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.4078938775510208,196,7,42,3,4,61,41,49,0.187,0.585,0.228,0.1307,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,9,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,2,8,2,7,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551333441569444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915044856394286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25634748009837216,0.30674330252697896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32758332567950826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239821902615348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823483346245053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460251341153885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642162269245674,0.3136577861543159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356228503653064,0.0,0.2833549705378854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570394895268564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Abrakem,2019/03/19,"I easily delete the majority of the messages i refine. What does it matter? 

Won't I: 

Annoy
Offend
Befuddle 
Burden 
Bust
Be wrong? 

No one gains a thing from me. No one will benefit from my insight. ",0.2482330827067685,2.423044500000003,3.2955639097744367,81.10394736842106,104.0,6.381954887218046,18.586466165413533,7.447530270364453,1.452657142857143,153,5,27,4,7,54,32,38,0.217,0.5,0.28300000000000003,0.2856,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,5,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250251690605177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6582238291559458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322666737653085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5310189947720118,0.0,0.0
bpd,myBPiD,2019/03/19,I get mad at people for what they do in my dreams I can decipher dreams from reality but sometimes the emotions blend. ,3.7743478260869563,5.912730130434787,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,73.78260869565217,8.078260869565218,28.89130434782609,8.841846274778883,2.4269304347826086,95,4,18,2,2,31,21,23,0.08800000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.155,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6497570032892703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017882987394023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004565280172888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712917193421089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Maine_Coon90,2019/03/19,"How do I stop being such a slob? (BPD/MDD) To be honest I have no idea if this is a common BPD thing or not but I figured I'd ask here because I might actually get a helpful answer instead of ""just don't"" or ""wtf is wrong with you"" ... So has anyone with this problem ever found motivation or techniques or whatever to improve? 

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, any living space I occupy degenerates into chaos. I don't leave dirty dishes or food scraps or anything gross, there's no infestations and my personal hygiene is fine but people are shocked if they see how I live. My boyfriend is always on me how bad it is but the sad part is he usually sees it \*after\* I've attempted to clean... Like yeah it still kinda resembles a garbage dump in the slums of Mumbai but I took out 2 bags of trash, mopped the floor and cleaned up some fossilized cat puke so I consider it a productive day.

I think I have some hoarding tendencies (I hoard food and booze) but I'm getting that under control for the most part, the main problem is just everything is fucking everywhere all the time and I don't even know how it happens. Lots of half finished projects I haven't found motivation to work on, unopened mail, paperwork I don't do anything about until like 2 days before facing legal consequences, that sort of thing.

Tomorrow I'll make an attempt to box up some shit that's in decent enough shape to donate and try to make a dent in the pile of unopened mail overtaking my desk but I don't know what else to do",3.7793327593628967,5.201024574257428,4.697001004448276,84.85159707275079,72.23432343234323,7.909829243793945,28.35543119529344,8.456263369488248,1.96226571961544,1198,46,242,20,23,389,178,303,0.183,0.706,0.11199999999999999,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,7,16,16,4,0,15,1,26,8,2,9,2,58,44,26,0,4,17,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,14,10,4,2,11,0,1,1,10,12,0,1,3,2,24,4,31,38,10,26,0,1,2,2,8,13,3,16,14,158,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.11227449780083007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957327724500334,0.0,0.0,0.0782395438022777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044727872326872,0.0,0.18935656309261267,0.0,0.10755841699674984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096063907110639,0.07013484512111831,0.0,0.09790107645600787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28980881626474325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290409944315448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483984963407852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611147583070703,0.0,0.0,0.11887983372489885,0.0,0.0759909925654748,0.1040714380969111,0.0,0.0,0.10340163420802433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278243518354375,0.25229792820558283,0.0,0.2127280886220556,0.12022020928025814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174041377477276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711716548761782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988009974172515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896892892290987,0.0,0.0,0.12182382716363138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241753408538922,0.0,0.20318666708367966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781339427047456,0.0,0.0,0.1535966750024329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205236254085892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491809681183447,0.0,0.07976281354675058,0.1004592748719698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017912295783815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336365529029292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180995846665616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188095590353998,0.09618891690449796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528713390429441,0.0737209007305597,0.0,0.0,0.06708795093086599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278273949740295,0.07811299390369389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267139098435313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837594815904674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515833685817148,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bbghostcat,2019/03/19,What’s a recent success for you? I’m currently having some intrusive thoughts and I really want to vent to my FP. Doing so wouldn’t be a great idea and I’m looking to distract myself and not do that. How are y’all? What’s something good you’ve done for yourself lately? ,0.23714285714285666,2.6518669999999998,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,93.28571428571428,4.942857142857143,21.285714285714285,6.6274283507984215,0.6739714285714289,216,8,43,3,8,72,44,56,0.039,0.728,0.233,0.8978,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,10,12,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,3,5,8,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33785751954703586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27691370036301394,0.0,0.3639909414338451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372698550573859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724229673453585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772423932804229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115021958593314,0.0,0.325982758867412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25416518133542754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621017904899468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947307033814176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,protowitch,2019/03/19,"Had a good day but.. Now feeling like shit. About to have a panic attack thinking about tomorrow, the past, myself, and everyone around me. I want to just be happy, or stop existing. ",2.214117647058824,4.9294907058823565,3.689705882352944,83.74867647058825,83.11764705882355,6.9294117647058835,23.20588235294117,8.07648339933343,1.7564941176470592,140,5,25,3,4,46,31,34,0.265,0.47700000000000004,0.258,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,6,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,3,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,6,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677271576866169,0.0,0.34214129668390897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939558956796734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28737510708321923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520659049250879,0.21485256579391107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25225096329068664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201490586310733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469290056926227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528599144499427,0.0,0.0,0.28709550358406244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087108196945384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514366114576612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927055015257352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738742231186627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daisybunshine,2019/03/19,"Seeking advice for self harm Hello, I was wondering if anyone has good tips or maybe information from the internet or graphics to help me manage my raging self harm. 

Whenever I have an episode that transforms into a meltdown/breakdown, I’m filled with rage I can’t control. 

I guess I seek control by punching myself. (My partner said it sounds like when a parents says to their kid “I’ll give you something to cry about,” which is kinda unrelated but interesting). 

When I can’t control my rage I self harm, by punching myself normally, but also sometimes minimal cutting or screaming if I’m alone. Also throwing things (specifically my phone which I’ve broken this way).

Do y’all go through this? How do you control yourself from being so physically angry and self harming? 

Maybe some good coping advice for what to do later would be good too. I have bad coping mechanisms. 

",5.330096153846154,7.519577625,5.803750000000001,75.3739423076923,69.625,7.6730769230769225,32.93269230769231,8.384062270229773,2.9196586538461538,700,33,111,11,13,225,108,160,0.258,0.67,0.07200000000000001,-0.9883,1,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,1,4,8,15,4,0,4,0,13,0,0,5,0,22,20,14,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,6,8,3,0,4,2,0,0,3,2,10,0,0,2,4,19,5,14,15,1,8,0,0,0,0,18,1,0,9,4,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23536518344846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472893713884503,0.0,0.1926153104937214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420730553505873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005538397984035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402889751944808,0.0,0.0,0.13228646345299827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552722308397885,0.06844302190241314,0.3030323687489265,0.0,0.0,0.13266698512784492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072154607680015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588359096197009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24197581101882998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117995619258732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372302391127644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455630331243805,0.09577059842379022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5025381204558484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271273186388276,0.11910813636625965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000819765839617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955915574826502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060096422474207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554986369146565,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Guy_with_no_name_92,2019/03/19,"Baaah drunkn Ended up alone and it's cold outside. Please hug me, I'm drunk and I'm losing faith on people",-0.19014492753623105,2.0698696956521734,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,91.17391304347824,3.066666666666667,12.014492753623188,3.1291,-1.7305246376811592,85,1,19,0,3,27,20,23,0.24,0.479,0.281,0.29600000000000004,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730102457468954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045064417109577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5109378035086161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166228139973254,0.0,0.0,0.5013266406595677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jacobgoldst97,2019/03/19,"The feeling of standing on the edge I'm in college but on spring break right now.  

  

The week before break started was definitely the worst of my life from an objective standpoint--I found out that my best friend had been involuntarily hospitalized, *from his mother*; another one of my best friends was going through hell because his gf needed to have serious surgery done; my girlfriend was on the verge of breaking up with me. I slit my wrist deeper than I ever had before, ran to the bathroom to stop the bleeding while whispering to myself, ""I'm sorry, I didn't mean it"" over and over; then when I stopped it I realized that I actually *did* want to die. So I went to sleep, woke up suicidal, and tried to hang myself with a bedsheet. The rest of the week is a blur and all I remember is that I couldn't finish any of my homework and handed it in incomplete.  

  

When break started, at first I felt the same way, just lying in bed wishing I had died the week before. But so far, this week has actually been pretty ok. Problem is: I start school again next Monday. And I just know that however I feel right now, reality is only *paused* not stopped forever. Just like every other time, the moment I step back on campus, my mind will be back in hell.",4.248999081726353,5.6636746528925626,5.159118457300277,82.02029384756659,71.06611570247934,8.022405876951332,28.320477502295685,8.515128840125781,2.0143160697887974,974,36,190,16,18,318,144,242,0.185,0.679,0.135,-0.9552,1,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,0,3,13,11,2,0,15,1,20,5,3,0,2,36,38,13,3,5,6,1,4,1,4,1,2,1,2,0,9,8,0,3,8,0,0,5,3,5,0,2,16,5,27,6,33,19,6,56,2,0,0,0,7,18,2,2,28,135,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.2266673498723408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897764138897845,0.1217805399280837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786054967868538,0.0,0.07079648445861686,0.0,0.2964739720675285,0.0,0.2437587725947928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410652634123313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884922364529628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505322906309987,0.09785104954778172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744545532570658,0.0,0.1115104370965617,0.0,0.0,0.09878669688167514,0.0,0.12733903042276346,0.17945544979359246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600375040701917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382626112922128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203151585122755,0.05673903029947538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650803884711948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726600380216827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611465789767737,0.0,0.0,0.12351379725059446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869793396389763,0.08832797977889982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181538273526633,0.0,0.11112812632349284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156141248466782,0.1983619798783006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175375867133779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622160689462348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300066844427286,0.24660865682536454,0.0,0.0,0.2912890368101761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703583065498286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772084642427413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884989764173188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850104430948427,0.0921847271749498,0.3726347383349031,0.0,0.0,0.10766084259281078,0.0,0.0,0.13355266208227431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kimchifortheseoul,2019/03/19,"Nobody fucking loves me or wants me In fact, everywhere I go and every attempt I fucking make it feels like people are just trying to push me out. Everybody hates me. I can’t wait to fucking die.",1.0684615384615377,3.623828153846155,2.8827692307692345,88.2872307692308,87.97435897435898,5.171282051282052,23.18461538461539,6.742157984588678,0.9853138461538458,154,6,29,2,5,51,31,39,0.159,0.695,0.146,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,9,12,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,2,4,12,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,1,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27415210288730857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256272532612711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356515201041974,0.18871301640054908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7326235749701976,0.0,0.0,0.15012587642361858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607992472129467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290532219549322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23841099875812116,0.0,0.17632610385824876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313242972541824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793445056740104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558059845005539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alyxryanne,2019/03/19,"“you need a diagnosis from a doctor to be valid” ok listen, i’m really not into people self diagnosing and then popping off on tumblr like they are special. obviously you should see a doctor. i just had the weirdest experience with mine today though. i told him i still think i have bpd and guess what he does? HE GOOGLE SERCHES BPD SYMPTOMS!!! like what! ahahaha and he goes over each one and says hmm yeah you have that one, yeah that symptom too, hmm yeah you probably have it. ",0.3751207729468575,2.4410757391304365,2.1794202898550736,88.54070048309181,106.82608695652176,5.0879227053140115,18.15458937198068,6.691623216298621,0.5844690821256036,376,12,72,7,18,123,67,92,0.02,0.795,0.185,0.9296,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,4,7,5,0,0,1,14,14,6,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,1,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,11,4,7,10,1,7,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,1,5,47,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568646967852156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408929694853726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712849334019128,0.1587203205438873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741713397397404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980228650714812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721891033275358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448543053832687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458054363796537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574087322617145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555026033457806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619188504537055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423471315634026,0.0,0.0,0.1445304215643695,0.0,0.18921110144193834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448443342760836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770310035124373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621619174011838,0.17819758680715225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191994817456588,0.17330922200817556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CHlCKPEA,2019/03/19,"Anyone else was neglected in their childhood? I was heavily criticized at age 14, but neglected at 11 when my mom left her ex and moved alone. She'd sleep all day, doing nothing but getting high. I wasn't aware at the time, I just knew she drank. It didn't appear to affect me but hey I'm like this and I kinda blame her but I know she didn't do it on purpose. She is a bit of a narcissist though. :/ You wouldn't think *not* doing something would cause so much pain and agony.",0.29803030303030553,2.58805973737374,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,87.98989898989899,5.3202020202020215,18.3510101010101,6.816661863887847,0.050258585858586,370,10,83,5,12,120,72,99,0.23800000000000002,0.732,0.03,-0.9688,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,12,3,1,2,1,21,19,10,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,7,0,15,1,7,9,3,14,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,2,6,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441698701667176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484456078300866,0.24155766083489516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573821246791215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218412669741965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204171811892514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694207524433102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231716467639411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24908686713892025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295641404924552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25614722811743745,0.0,0.0,0.11517741385859227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761120385389658,0.0,0.2505690134753677,0.173306192597376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22621215998138894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508586989753252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592409045341836,0.0,0.0,0.1814948176525091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106153613051784,0.2316269428104761,0.0,0.13746995523705507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674727580422881,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Actanonverbahellya,2019/03/19,"Proper response to infidelity by bpd wife while raging? We're on day 5 of an episode, yesterday she left for hours and I knew what was up. Asked where she was going, she said anywhere the fuck away from you.  I laughed and said 'have fun', & walked away. I'm done but for reasons can't serve divorce papers yet. So, an trapped with wife I no longer want as wife. She came back in a better mood and it felt like I was expected to be in a better mood to mirror her, lol no fucking way. Been cool, nonchalant, my non-reaction is pissing her off at same time she knows this is a hard boundary for me.  This morning I left for a few hours without saying where. It doesn't feel fair yet. Considering dressing well, looking dtf, and leaving a weekend evening for random hookup and then returning without explanation.  Fair?",3.695593962999027,5.544703272151903,4.086708860759494,87.41023855890946,73.24050632911394,6.886854917234664,28.6095423563778,7.61054688173877,1.6427559883154819,639,26,127,8,13,200,113,158,0.146,0.716,0.138,-0.0946,0,1,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,1,0,2,8,13,4,0,8,2,11,3,1,1,0,19,25,10,0,2,3,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,1,0,3,6,4,1,0,10,8,15,7,23,14,2,28,0,0,1,2,16,12,3,1,13,82,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731741722741447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443647985524074,0.0,0.2901712632281763,0.11874186946922652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731494521315693,0.0,0.0,0.1944905500981646,0.0,0.0,0.17661894345199258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959015587950217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802849581332054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019950333951434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808098393904188,0.0,0.14827043964921152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855234254822635,0.0,0.0,0.08776223415635154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833280954368732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041513908231692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486692407635461,0.0,0.0,0.16351181765618938,0.3355624060544302,0.0,0.0,0.07544335029812689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967655254359622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587727161244211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29378355414309226,0.12280348603173305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004537991406962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108277413891083,0.1225739077261125,0.0,0.0,0.13884495626235632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29771680971602155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,00000000005,2019/03/19,"I need to quit my toxic job and I have no one to talk to. I'm not sure what to do. I'm trying to focus one day at a time but I have no hope for my future.

Right now, I'm currently working a job where my boss treats me much differently than everyone else. He activity ignores me and it makes me feel awful. I asked for a raise and was basically retaliated against. I need to quit but I haven't heard back from anywhere I've applied. I don't have a degree and I'm not close to getting mine, not that it would matter much. I only have skills in food service and restaurants. My boyfriend (who I live with) is in constant financial stress which I can't help much with because I make just enough to buy some groceries and pay my own student loan bills. I'm fucking lost. I can't even muster up the energy to clean our bedroom that's covered in all of my dirty laundry. I don't want to go to work tomorrow to face my asshole of a boss. It's already 9:00pm and I need to do laundry for tomorrow. I'm hurting and have no idea what to do. I just want a job where I'm not treated like an outcast. I'm trying to get myself back into therapy but currently I don't have anyone to talk to because I've exhausted everyone else around me. I have no idea how I'm going to survive when I can't finish school and I can't make enough money to support myself. I'm hopeless right now.",1.3511289910600262,3.1796915586206933,3.4099233716475084,89.74556194125161,79.9655172413793,6.22733077905492,24.533844189016598,7.242747475848597,0.9941277139208172,1072,40,235,14,27,364,142,290,0.175,0.773,0.052000000000000005,-0.9848,7,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,1,0,0,7,12,13,1,1,8,1,21,4,1,6,2,44,50,14,0,7,9,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,9,14,1,1,3,0,5,2,16,7,0,2,3,2,34,6,36,46,8,28,0,3,0,1,8,12,1,2,15,149,43,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109658390270235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673007619970533,0.0,0.0,0.09768844989842232,0.10258849849315277,0.0,0.0,0.16876067045798201,0.0,0.13378829205421955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858580700167308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077074646191013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465093349181385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833409651934748,0.0,0.0,0.2267735800410964,0.0,0.0724797002779612,0.0,0.0,0.2097152115080788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548590088092986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326934030848087,0.0,0.0,0.10144931381666986,0.11466523125723348,0.0,0.1247311798552633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355383647624487,0.0,0.0,0.1089927696734289,0.0,0.0,0.117474831400297,0.24775754029639785,0.0,0.0,0.32668862565900675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361154593076335,0.0,0.09689904180429078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978998416020667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197492214279685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420061171696507,0.2441039217356518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872012718908556,0.08345929635903222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334358326757067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742816609717414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105885482032292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570240319857512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245272965889898,0.10342503432958196,0.0,0.0,0.17640354111092996,0.0,0.0,0.12549286523506806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398803873422408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900730191346906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945046342595418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977846626713696,0.0,0.0,0.07795342124072137,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deucy1001,2019/03/19,"Does life actually get better? I've been trying, trying for a year now to save money. My s.o is not the greatest with money, so I just recently took over finances. We have been trying to save for a long time now to move out of my parents basement. It's just everytime we put money away something happens where I need to take money from the savings, like we need a bit of groceries, or an unexpected bill came a long, or had to pay for my medication. After a while it just gets exhausting and it is now making me feel like a failure. I feel like I can't do anything right anymore. I feel though that if I was better with my budgeting than maybe it would get better, but spending money is one of my impulses, buying unnecessary things that bring me happiness at that time. So can we eventually over  come those nasty habits and actually achieve what we want? ",5.985628742514969,6.2285760958083864,6.67988622754491,76.9156377245509,66.48502994011976,9.554251497005989,31.67005988023952,9.3871,2.7233477844311373,676,25,129,12,10,223,103,167,0.071,0.8,0.129,0.7799,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,0,4,10,11,0,0,9,0,12,3,0,1,0,31,28,10,0,5,8,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,3,0,11,6,2,1,0,1,6,3,18,10,21,21,2,24,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,14,90,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.2689149703747821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664488397882166,0.0,0.0,0.11338464110668245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945277376067976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655767339218186,0.15042464001688008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575883971016256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868887180855248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205758654284654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090034658102677,0.1968660930766717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595964344281196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184209634451296,0.14667382291196235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732104190283802,0.20194317347430832,0.0,0.0,0.2438693289904686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197201082390168,0.0,0.1384227294096816,0.0,0.0,0.13880306686939695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644277918836554,0.0,0.20433044891935906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336612702436912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299302749955093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851115829377394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604525647013313,0.0,0.0,0.11766693785518485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607299416905708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359655676577348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153768757624016,0.0,0.13537225840339295,0.0,0.16068612810972008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308329498612366,0.2806392438124369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126867990251482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787792906190423,0.0,0.0,0.08872849522354011
bpd,earthling-roo,2019/03/19,"Can’t fall asleep, obsessively thinking about being cheated on and hurt. Making up stupid situations in my head. I can’t sleep... again. I’m alone in my own bed, I’m safe and warm. My mind keeps running over the same things over and over again, I make myself angry, frustrated, hateful! 
He said ‘it’s like walking on eggshells with you’
The one thing I didn’t want to hear after working so hard not to be like that anymore. It’s hurt me and I’ve convinced myself he’s gonna leave. Go with someone else. 
I read over his shoulder that he’s going for lunch with a woman. Why won’t he tell me about it? 
I’m always in the wrong with him and I can’t seem to say otherwise because of my Bpd. I honestly don’t know if I am overreacting or not. 
My mind is a mine field and I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m so bored of being angry all the time. 

I just want someone to love me. I just want to be accepted. I just want to be made to not feel like such a fuck up. I don’t want to be crazy anymore. Please make this horrible illness go away, please. ",0.7157248157248155,2.6146903513513493,2.5373464373464394,94.84407862407863,82.42342342342343,5.477805077805079,20.9017199017199,6.574015621080383,0.14247027027027093,806,24,188,8,22,267,118,222,0.212,0.636,0.152,-0.9623,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,1,10,19,5,1,7,0,17,8,4,4,1,39,45,10,0,7,8,0,3,3,0,2,1,3,1,1,9,10,1,2,5,1,0,6,11,10,0,1,3,6,26,9,31,34,3,22,0,2,0,2,13,12,1,3,7,113,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068071084635312,0.0,0.0,0.09695488322126272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466728406506884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947540198841564,0.0,0.0,0.07103017644253967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675423691560896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733842107469608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058916565405416815,0.08324269172208237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077218723661159,0.0,0.0,0.19866486619206555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438001175239454,0.11504045534950873,0.11958425718076054,0.0,0.13132773967639969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24947647880994164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356930078263103,0.0,0.0,0.0640369451159153,0.0,0.0,0.12337901257776696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707789601773008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516483521545944,0.11025507503011148,0.2333362020170439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353061738721898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895770782780184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25581033774640155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655262470374175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108382419733612,0.09266224952352428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060764263323857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097458994641942,0.11660524258073975,0.0,0.19745588700055894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184457066874332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548228725175872,0.07466201112088679,0.0,0.0,0.0679443860403277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41236295567571934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514216223172196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848287430567821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739752279703015,0.0,0.0
bpd,indorecord,2019/03/19,DBT I've been on the wait list for an intensive DBT clinic and I signed up today. I'm cautiously optimistic; the program lasts most of a year. Anyone have experience or insight? I'm functioning pretty well socially but I've ruined most of my relationships in the past year and I'm on a downward spiral. Thanks :) ,2.480714285714285,5.246725833333336,4.4695238095238095,78.28500000000005,82.33333333333334,8.095238095238095,25.23809523809524,8.841846274778883,2.579309523809524,250,10,44,7,7,85,43,60,0.065,0.731,0.205,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,7,6,2,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,3,5,24,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161804674670641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30242984427642416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201669697972623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951399530625916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145393882864731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319353559735689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151622346217201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846443240441825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930591989050618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779830364070224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981936615041738
bpd,Thund77,2019/03/19,"Fear of job /mobbing /criticism Hey guys,
so let me be honnest.
I suffer from BPD and PTSD, and goes without mention, high anxiety and depression. And my goal is to finish one day a degree to be a librarian. Lots of years I was down in the dumps, so often suicidal I was sure I will not live untill 30. But I am 35 years old now and somehow still clinging to finish college one day. But I need to go to work, to earn money for myself and college.

But I have this fear of institutions and trying to establish contact with people. I dont have a fear from a job itself if I dont need to interact with someone, but thats rarely the case. Through my childhood I was being abused since I was in kindergarten, neglected in my family, and being bullied especially in my high school, without reaction of my parents and my teachers, it made a mark on my through my life, even when I wasnt aware of that. 

Because of this abuse through most of my childhood, I developed this aversion towards institutions, fear of criticism, fear of mobying and authority, avoiding contact with colleagues, and I am afraid I will not handle it and just quit it. And also waking up and going to work to make ends meet, reminds me on the days I would wake up, go to school and just get beaten.

I am not lazy though, but this fear of criticism and authority, contact with people is just eating me. Please tell me I am not the only one, and did anyone else had to cope with the same problems?

TLDR;
because of abuse through my childhood I developed aversion toward jobs, authority and institutions, and it came time that I need to face this.
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bpd,PinkBolt22,2019/03/19,"Can an FP be a stranger? I mostly hear of other people’s FPs being friends or someone else they know, but can you have an FP that doesn’t really know you?

There’s someone I follow on social media. I wouldn’t call them “famous”, but they’re certainly well known. When I see that they’ve liked or responded to my tweets, I’m on top of the world, but if they don’t respond at all (maybe because they haven’t seen it) I sometimes get super upset and anxious. I know this is common in people with BPD, but I’ve never heard of anyone else with an “FP” like this.",4.4776108374384265,4.412509568965522,5.317684729064041,86.4529310344828,69.6896551724138,7.66305418719212,25.19211822660099,6.868970318607317,0.8926394088669958,434,10,93,3,7,142,78,116,0.05,0.759,0.191,0.9498,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,4,2,3,7,0,1,5,0,10,0,0,0,3,19,20,9,0,2,7,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,2,4,13,6,10,15,2,10,0,0,2,0,13,6,0,4,5,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22735938707165865,0.0,0.1407212606406348,0.2062081902407125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268238251078073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25347197951736833,0.0,0.20550252077035835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362432702653253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548810300101054,0.0,0.1051467474903263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268275372550973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318112972120204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664477612754644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021863836798161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552192539604995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790479392883703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892826831901386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037313590733976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515279424606145,0.34104319982373305,0.0,0.1990450471668213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095123846407385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snazzy_E_4eva,2019/03/19,"I am going to be weaning off of 2 meds and I’m so scared- I feel like it’s an actual death I’ve realized that pretty much my whole adult life, I’ve been using to change my feelings. Alcohol, then I did coke for 2 years, and then I went on bupenorphine and chlonopin (prescribed).

My therapist said that I need to go off of these meds in order to learn the DBT skills to actually change my life. I’m on these meds, and I’m not doing well- I’m still unable to do everyday tasks, I’m unable to control my emotions, I’m unable feel good- and really the only time I’m able to feel okay is if I take a higher dose of my medication than prescribed- not good, I know. But taking those meds, they make it a little less painful- sometimes makes me feel kind of normal.

I’m going to go to some type of rehab/treatment center to wean off the drugs with professional doctors and support. I’m actually not that scared about the actual rehab— I’m terrified about after. I’m already suffering so much, and now I’m not going to have the two things that can help calm me down, even take away the pain if I take a higher dose. 

How will I survive this? Right now, I’m supposed to practice one mastery task and one self soothe action each day. And I’m doing it- it’s easier to do with meds- but even still, it’s very very hard to do. Especially self soothe. I just can’t imagine how I will be able to handle my pain. I’m not doing well even with the meds, I’m so scared. I cry a lot, nearly everyday. Smiles and laughs are really rare. When I’m off these two meds- I feel like I’m going to die. It really feels like a death— like I’m losing this person that does help me feel better. 

I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how I will do anything. I feel like I will cry all day long and beg and pray from something to make it stop. I’m going to be living with my mom, and I’m afraid that I’ll be suicidal- which she’s heard me say a lot. I never attempted because in the end, the thought of the pain of my mom finding me dead is the worst thought and feeling in the world that I could never do it. It would be like shooting your parent and killing them. That’s been the thing preventing me for taking action- but I’ve had so many calls where I beg my mom to give me permission- which is so horrible for my mom and kills me in how guilty I feel.

How will I do it? How long will it last? What if I force myself to do things while in pain, but then I still don’t get any better? Please. Please tell me how to do this. I’m not even going off of it yet, and I’m just beyond terrified. The rehab is expensive, but I think I will qualify for financial aid that will give me 3 weeks. It’s not like I’ll be able to stay at a center for 6 months until I’m able to function better. I’m going to have to do it myself. I’m going to have to drive to therapy (leaving the house is the hardest thing for me to do), I’m going to have to force myself to practice these skills that don’t work yet because they’re not strong. No one else can do it for me. No one can scream at me or threaten me to get better. No one can incentivize me to get better. I have to do it all myself and I truly feel like I can’t. 

What do you do when you’re in so much pain and there’s nothing to make it go away? Do I just adapt and live in pain for the rest of my life? I don’t even feel like that’s possible. I’m scared. I’m hopeless. ",0.8427217936354872,2.53618211338798,2.8585085181613654,93.74161041465769,81.00819672131148,5.999871423979428,19.2346512375442,6.986292612891036,0.09107467052394737,2625,62,616,31,68,884,259,732,0.168,0.703,0.128,-0.9928,1,0,3,1,0,1,80.0,0,2,2,13,38,43,2,5,25,1,62,18,0,14,4,95,142,50,6,7,20,5,14,9,0,9,17,4,0,4,45,25,2,3,23,0,1,16,20,19,2,7,9,18,68,24,86,117,13,75,1,3,0,0,23,27,0,7,39,387,113,6,0.17579261841851462,0.0,0.17154823718640028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696721178507368,0.0,0.0,0.0484978814463016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02988625217758413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036165586614154664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258147587166474,0.0,0.0,0.05358077426991662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434285669446064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044875979549581335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929826405087082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929159237652797,0.035089025357908706,0.0,0.09654996837365433,0.05668584795973579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045611245960822604,0.0,0.0,0.04498279848059919,0.03845932625589815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096590672572197,0.0,0.03671304386814013,0.049435758670314335,0.038925020476321286,0.0,0.0,0.1451367081571982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888795970111496,0.1883794225848193,0.0,0.0,0.0401678171206792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888329066318899,0.08431814899199694,0.29972098856916923,0.07372325395258042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03936891422845189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891504328828509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071026982155507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097244243218401,0.045765240096481835,0.07245826928150492,0.0358236116848302,0.0,0.04653475011372343,0.0,0.0,0.09312564389576997,0.1932376358950769,0.044047596508316286,0.07761405136680899,0.07778546771464599,0.0,0.04916674349999788,0.0,0.07472629888794838,0.0,0.0,0.11734293784641177,0.04455653083347045,0.0,0.0,0.3417154465444157,0.044273142183801684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058861900551532,0.03507899771556245,0.0,0.09692085112164406,0.03258699977428716,0.06779105229776207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04305986043578869,0.04216943963142546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489020347363864,0.033424551956512866,0.3273475455222992,0.0,0.04879922477499165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837383344141541,0.0,0.09648375274549016,0.0,0.04954494098514922,0.0,0.04471107287968743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446293958961802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037531483903715766,0.041804759055141125,0.03494933649136465,0.17599907830716846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169501997800243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033833436527212914,0.0434658486553812,0.0,0.0,0.046842885320498164,0.1052911591122062,0.03674262511756648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807214806333175,0.049871845036138084,0.0,0.0,0.16521771423678114,0.0,0.0384126242177711,0.0,0.0502585449100453,0.051027194799694094,0.1167888044160448,0.02816020292194,0.0,0.0697798513991374,0.025626522371656288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586192226419406,0.0,0.0,0.03795709501344199,0.0,0.072523660343813,0.0,0.0,0.035252558712012716,0.0,0.07902933790149863,0.040740379616210666,0.0,0.049066545136985884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03199477997216479,0.0,0.0,0.031219508096972413,0.0,0.0,0.028301170668532695
bpd,hey-away,2018/11/26,"I get jealous when my boyfriend has fun without me He’s told me he feels the same way sometimes so I don’t feel too awful about it but it does make me feel bad. I want to be happy that he’s having fun, and I am to an extent, but mostly I’m just jealous and feel the need to hear everything about what he’s doing.",1.9877142857142864,2.5812994857142897,3.6928571428571435,93.52214285714285,75.57142857142857,6.171428571428572,22.57142857142857,5.6839178017228535,0.09779999999999944,244,6,59,1,5,82,48,70,0.162,0.672,0.166,0.09,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,0,15,17,6,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,8,3,6,15,3,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450706300701287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23530236209588895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165576754474985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5438236916000412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048088877185616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862322145993169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30305201817544586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948228127304575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993742160091021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659333341167177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569303613537535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859485874328194,0.213427750364602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591947589914371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tibbersbear,2018/11/26,"Triggering symptoms Coming back home always messes me up. I hate being here. 

My mom was extremely abusive to me as a child. She still is verbally or emotionally draining to be around. I can't stand to be around her for too long. 

She's very immature. She'll say things that are hurtful and you can't say something back without her freaking out. This morning she told me I was the pickiest adult in the house. But I literally will eat anything, and when I told  her this, she got offended. She was trying to convince me that she was right about MY food preferences. Then this afternoon she was trying to argue with me about how I was folding my clothes...how can someone fold clothes wrong?

I feel very claustrophobic in the house. Currently my husband and I are en route to our new home. We're in the military so we came home to visit during the holiday, and are leaving in a week because we won't have our house before the fifth. It's hard not being able to have a safe place. We don't have the money to stay at a hotel. I can't stay at my mother in law's because her house is disgusting because she doesn't know how to clean up after her seven dogs. She also doesn't have them trained, and I don't want them jumping on me because I'm pregnant. 

I hate not having a home to go to. I'm becoming depressed and I feel so anxious all the time. Being around your abuser is so hard. 

It may be because she's on new meds. It may be because I'm here for a long time. I don't know. But being around her is triggering my symptoms. I want to cry. I want to start a fight. I feel like binge eating. I'm trying so hard not to give in. But I'm so sad. So stressed. I want to be by myself. ",1.2676904075751378,3.361762158501445,3.0010671058048612,91.20485302593664,81.59365994236309,5.9253684643886375,23.170769864141626,7.110495986334442,0.8019769287772749,1307,46,281,17,35,433,159,347,0.166,0.7909999999999999,0.044000000000000004,-0.9893,1,0,1,0,2,0,39.0,5,2,2,0,22,16,6,1,15,0,41,5,0,4,1,44,65,22,0,5,8,3,6,1,0,5,2,2,5,2,9,17,3,1,6,2,1,5,13,13,0,1,10,8,56,3,42,41,1,43,0,3,0,0,39,19,0,3,17,194,65,0,0.0802654074929922,0.1902027655652664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418821737305286,0.0667872489619019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906770638271695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660515913107873,0.2858129196934284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343828774837412,0.0,0.2935742844669026,0.08864683644321396,0.06829994994993285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180224322344456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914154137032323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816778115787684,0.0,0.0,0.06913247785966044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426310029255806,0.0,0.09028778000112184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217538052023194,0.057341623150780376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970572493451415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699789273045687,0.045616680795309006,0.0,0.06419557875666346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570611814293605,0.15849094500138028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32205099262709563,0.0,0.0,0.37046201442806587,0.08592577880989179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822353767279557,0.0,0.0,0.08498947712514847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03921362373873966,0.0,0.0,0.14206471965244882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915677318385573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400587516486997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504166144428794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386026720903472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854621943627973,0.0,0.1276605473119746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800861929771992,0.06179223210111798,0.0,0.0,0.05681226854732501,0.17110448947047688,0.06410005810695722,0.0,0.09194375309471857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668529829216948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332477018321671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360680917294467,0.0,0.0,0.15339407311605038,0.0,0.1634848287840548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132454734510432,0.1893704677774648,0.0,0.06438406835613343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773729885454986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775762281882528,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dunder22mifflin,2018/11/26,"Healing- what helped you? (Plus bonus question) And by this, I don't mean DBT/CBT. did a specific religion, sport, hobby help you with your healing? Anything you've done differently? I'd love to hear your thoughts as I'm taking this journey even more seriously now.

Bonus question: what do you think would be a good career path for a BPD (or one that works for you)?",2.256,4.9251816714285725,2.825357142857144,90.39089285714287,82.28571428571428,5.785714285714287,24.464285714285715,7.1686216300943375,1.069142857142857,287,11,57,4,8,89,55,70,0.027000000000000003,0.733,0.24,0.9519,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,6,0,3,2,5,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,0,10,13,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,3,1,7,4,7,8,1,2,0,0,0,1,12,0,0,3,1,34,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014474156377487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910151175727214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414111230250835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364571505697427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261459551808532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380425402207468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604242194688026,0.0,0.30975263307038786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085429186098522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516947900243191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565739232455263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.517685740125622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373023648406635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805551377065354,0.0,0.1834378072199525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821624474400396,0.0,0.0,0.16414016347030985,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xxxtracheesepuff,2018/11/26,"Wasted a year This year involved me dropping out of my last year of highschool to instead go to a college (I did  signed up for two courses.  Year 12 and youth work)  it's now the end of the year and I dropped the year 12 course and have managed to only complete a few assignments of the youth work course. I have been a drug addict for two years up until the last 2 months in which I have been fully sober, sobriety also resulted in losing all my friends apart from my girlfriend. Right now I'm at wits end and in a bit of a mix between a low and a high thinning I can finish my entire course during the last week while also being in this massive pit of impending doom that never seems to go away. 

TL;DR BIG VENT",5.760753424657532,5.130828328767123,6.075445205479454,84.00988013698631,67.08219178082193,8.395890410958902,30.578767123287676,7.1686216300943375,1.7074958904109578,560,18,116,4,8,180,88,146,0.076,0.902,0.022000000000000002,-0.7579,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,14,0,8,2,0,1,2,11,12,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,3,1,10,1,24,8,3,41,1,3,0,0,3,15,0,1,22,77,15,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130903987426925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219915613365759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130404197585676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153019830057607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552584322200754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096026622538498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24586560158401585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072340922220721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577628824600152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664647911616058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339413842177458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527815811821544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078631135913768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704867750385544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055612492158269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853174070828355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635542786218384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711686842077312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113344508113664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020915012797433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6256642882601015
bpd,freddiemia21,2018/11/26,"I rarely feel happiness I feel most emotions so strongly. 

Anger - I lash out, hit things, seek revenge, say horrible hurtful things 

Sadness - I feel it in my soul, it feels hollow. I cry my eyes out, feel a physical pain in my chest

Jealously - over everything, when MY friend sees another friend. When my FP sees anyone else. When I see other people being happy. 

But happiness? What is that? I don’t feel it. 

",1.8917105263157907,4.676567907894738,3.0555789473684243,86.69205263157896,87.02631578947368,6.72421052631579,23.389473684210525,7.908726449838941,1.7303252631578951,315,12,58,7,10,101,52,76,0.331,0.536,0.133,-0.9618,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,2,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,10,13,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,11,12,6,5,11,1,8,1,2,4,0,3,5,0,1,3,35,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731344009186244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156864062422628,0.1634889238911124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752700767072123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329259705236762,0.1794844547373161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434029832953935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840724921724772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465525991749553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095664039699155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708131660495034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978397042945606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061938726835532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268891744014107,0.0,0.0,0.3814479635352165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201024768154494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lelchel,2018/11/26,"Has anyone tried hypnotherapy? My mum suggested i try hypnotherapy. I was diagnosed two years ago, been on meds, done dbt but i have never really felt i was getting better. I am able to function at a higher capacity since my breakdown two years ago and don't discredit the effectiveness of dbt or my wonderful therapist but its not enough. Everything is still there i just hide it better. My mum told me she did hypnotherapy years and years ago; one to get rid of her needle phobia (it worked) and one for self esteem issues (also worked) i had never heard of hypnosis for self esteem or anything theraputic before but i am keen to try.
My doctor had suggested electroshock therapy but i would rather try this first. Anyone tried it? How did you go? What were you actually hypnotised for?",3.8025057471264354,6.604280331034483,5.025517241379312,76.24954022988508,76.72413793103449,8.832183908045977,24.83908045977012,9.3871,2.6981632183908046,628,22,107,18,15,207,93,145,0.036000000000000004,0.851,0.113,0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,6,6,3,0,0,2,0,16,2,0,2,2,19,23,11,0,2,9,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,12,2,19,3,11,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,3,11,78,25,3,0.12292337319273353,0.0,0.11995548032634865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268924606902811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830177713123747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190176129429105,0.0,0.10115546238743883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459873685277964,0.0,0.0,0.21743146865401328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476463627394638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581728117207122,0.0,0.1257932888597717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701270399698258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047560168076977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802571522411745,0.0,0.0,0.10455855844230484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284447780361473,0.0,0.06986018575567733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830006511823558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654015652628246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961216678363715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659211791459794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874786050012691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564717736631433,0.0,0.0,0.10168348456011816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816676461831132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405735901240911,0.14272351059492475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745855085108715,0.0,0.41728450747866397,0.0,0.24015654828918345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330515466748213,0.17897935938923776,0.0,0.0,0.08732123747224475,0.0,0.0,0.3166344885400845
bpd,suicidal_cowboy,2018/11/26,"Feeling Ignored, Feeling like a Ghost This is my first time posting on reddit so please forgive me if I am doing something wrong.

**TW: SELF HARM**

To preface, I have not yet been professionally diagnosed with BPD-- nor have I self-diagnosed. However, after months of research and having a doctor suggest DBT therapy, as well as relating to many posts on this thread, I think I *may* have this disorder.

One of my major triggers is feeling ignored, misunderstood, or brushed off. It has gotten to the point where I will have full fledged breakdowns and suicidal ideation/thoughts.

For example, I asked my boyfriend if he got around to listening to a couple songs I sent him. He said he forgot about it and that he'll listen to them tomorrow. This has happened multiple times, where he says he will but doesn't, and moves on. I don't know why but this made me very, very upset. I ended up unable to sleep and crying the entire night, as well as self-harming with a broken razor and punching my thighs. I felt frustrated and angry with myself and with him.

Another example is when certain things I say are not acknowledged. When the other person doesn't practice active listening like I try to do for them. When there are no follow up questions. Or when texting, only part of the message is answered to.

I feel embarrassed for lashing out in this way but it happens so much, usually when I am on my own. I also find that when what I say in a conversation is brushed over, or when I mention something I'd like to elaborate more on, it is often pushed aside and the subject is changed to something the other person has more to say about. When this happens my chest feels heavy and I feel unimaginably angry and hurt. It makes me feel like I am not real, not here at all.

I just feel very alone. Like I am a ghost. Like I only exist to listen to other people and please them and that no one really cares about what I have to say, my stories and experiences. I am not very good at talking anyway. Maybe I am just not meant to be a person.",3.7438076416337296,5.732755227621485,4.542929551267151,83.59548864605131,73.45012787723785,7.296938696427188,27.705262342090982,8.101407402915765,1.9076779198635976,1598,62,298,25,33,514,196,391,0.155,0.746,0.099,-0.9792,1,1,3,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,3,1,27,20,1,2,13,0,34,5,3,3,2,64,64,38,3,2,16,0,9,6,0,4,2,11,0,4,21,20,0,3,17,1,0,4,12,8,2,3,9,22,42,12,49,50,8,44,0,1,0,0,34,19,0,8,24,222,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541262496396293,0.0,0.06595013015786308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647554459303718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341456121545806,0.0770970325607462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386634708759887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408226012228677,0.0,0.08724087101548969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124996573197036,0.09058791287656244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740783822005814,0.0,0.0,0.094516189771156,0.08441013287408608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730427243638452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067014039953785,0.0,0.0,0.33358892037316684,0.1178312053216392,0.07918281345629871,0.0,0.07537482982257881,0.0701477708707394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917077051943803,0.0659576936052858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878019998493856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828436944265611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045322599930549184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417400291241349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803380762241413,0.05504844801798615,0.08361024247265675,0.08285081902804659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582567021786027,0.0876510978236126,0.06062392883341802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739121861884772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176575012549317,0.12544221201012587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930548509801327,0.0,0.05717336127526292,0.21602526893085214,0.0,0.18105157225711152,0.07795950747917273,0.0,0.15796429392750108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238373458855073,0.0,0.0,0.09386735069894464,0.05283151333778167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844654814296496,0.3279118059283913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580982869565143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252818353101056,0.0,0.0,0.19046513129329148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020729128977308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628515746220827,0.0,0.0,0.09431006067229984,0.0,0.05478849044494061,0.05284256539591176,0.0,0.06547087695172572,0.09617623765338633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559907834511216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082754010224414,0.2721810119829076,0.0,0.0654597564629124,0.0,0.0,0.14829839713270962,0.0,0.07441510749826345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016649603476776,0.0,0.0
bpd,Yiobeo,2018/11/26,I just want to disappear Anyone else tired of their mind already because I’m just about ready to pull the damn trigger I’m so damn tired of myself. will I ever be able to be stable and have a normal healthy relationship with anyone wether it be friendship or romantic I don’t think so ,2.3252631578947347,4.810460035087719,3.434298245614034,87.36092105263157,80.22807017543859,5.905263157894738,23.535087719298247,7.1686216300943375,1.0279614035087719,230,8,44,3,6,74,42,57,0.19699999999999998,0.5870000000000001,0.215,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,6,2,2,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,1,11,10,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,28,6,0,0.2477979636541095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734512147790216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34653219555317416,0.2538982971721847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510553386660003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700340189280594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241474448262948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502053040317177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427893918916633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660422771654195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877892946631947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696146133347231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615765918705048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nellypaperdoll,2018/11/26,"31 days of BPD challenge---> Day 17:Do you worry what people think of you? For almost my whole life I though that I didn't care...like, really believing my inner animal was the Honey  Badger because they don't give fuck and they don't care...but the last 2 years I realized that I DO care and I DO give fuck...even though I wanted so bad to be a Honey Badger, my real inner animal would be a Yellow Puppy (Lab) lol

I want people to like me and love me... I am a very nice human and I love a lot, I want people to know that I care about them. And yes, I can feel somewhat upset when I know someone dislikes me or say bad stuff about me.

What's your story?",0.5445015416238448,2.45432752517986,2.8835817060637225,92.07260791366907,83.10071942446044,5.410277492291882,14.96454265159301,6.5431188927421005,-0.477029188078109,502,7,111,5,14,172,81,139,0.11599999999999999,0.6659999999999999,0.218,0.9155,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,3,0,6,10,1,1,6,2,11,4,0,0,0,19,25,10,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,5,26,6,8,20,3,7,0,0,1,3,14,2,1,4,6,70,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963096637973962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161798418267129,0.07891486085071599,0.0,0.0,0.14585199842883725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304464898544754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279539705378989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697615384998254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550412557204799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545658188716075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935901595929296,0.0,0.2483709907353577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229069576408634,0.10552349680641736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914382360688676,0.0632454099257563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005842224162088,0.23367725530373826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26924439575933834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473486810217342,0.08293249728195225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294819601326316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096872106139926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481955560374825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294984629815351,0.2543787094557241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068143311178302,0.2290685937790403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453242360421162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314683268656471,0.0,0.09196146083628487,0.0,0.0,0.08336508666219758
bpd,BPDwhodis,2018/11/26,"Curious Question For Those With A Diagnosis Considering that a lack of identity is a common trait in many people with BPD, is it more or less comforting having a diagnosis? (Being that you could then possibly identify with not having an identity?)  

I find I feel much more comforted accepting its existence.  I also know I feel less and less alone as I talk to others with BPD, building a network to discover new ways to approach my own difficulties.   (Having a good day and so I’ll also say I’m grateful for this sub and feelingly as though I have found my people.  That’s you, you’re my people ✌️)",6.1976770186335415,6.633443078260871,7.747577639751555,68.77739130434784,66.04347826086956,11.788819875776394,33.81987577639751,11.491704259439757,4.262900621118011,474,20,84,15,7,165,75,115,0.053,0.794,0.153,0.9054,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,19,14,11,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,11,4,13,11,8,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193666219242323,0.0,0.29907317265102923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710170833750439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929704916554784,0.0,0.0,0.1205936862525018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836447115563602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709063305797158,0.0,0.0,0.20502591297360911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568391278716691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276532981494477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957946271344805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745985558618967,0.0,0.0,0.18059701405844086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38890791815240333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108041877685497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094726465180016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870269992490678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029623364232358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837176481198672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484247036318607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theanusmuncher,2018/11/26,"Mood swings For the last few days I’ve felt pretty good and haven’t thought much about symptoms, but when I do think about them I feel some unknown darkness living below. It feels more like something I don’t even understand than symptoms so idek. My mood before this tho was completely numb and depressed, but went away seemingly overnight. Do you guys ever experience similar things, where you feel as if you’re completely free from the disorder but know you’re going to be sucked back down anytime?",5.978059006211183,7.959939445652175,4.927018633540374,83.14717391304347,67.58695652173913,8.300621118012423,30.534161490683232,8.841846274778883,2.4912900621118013,407,16,72,7,7,120,73,92,0.174,0.7070000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.7786,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,9,8,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,1,17,18,10,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,9,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,4,4,7,4,10,13,4,11,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,3,6,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226430415489485,0.14098560478115207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601820028227886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844800793735659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824622957077215,0.0,0.1579199514000422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013613579810744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110160916419467,0.16585148049893833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935246457663398,0.0,0.0,0.2781233306775462,0.13098599415969564,0.17604571747566206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420260111101737,0.15378612343901488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154632073361454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100764916960667,0.14945554009697382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957603931993252,0.0,0.16190229600792538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478408485147844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865338873237766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691586819950655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411525608863314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811437947795776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218102601912635,0.11748392021347005,0.0,0.14556021696663396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087486177328436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996821796934822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,c0123456789,2018/11/26,"A simple method for loving yourself Yesterday I was thinking about life and realized that I was much more eager to do things for my ex than to myself. Stuff like buying her a bar of chocolate, cleaning the house, helping her with her tasks, or even getting up to get a glass of water just to see her happy, when sometimes I'd be too lazy to get a glass of water for myself.

So I'm trying to live up to this rule: Treat yourself like you loved yourself, think about youself as someone that you'd really like to see happy and the rest will follow.

And just a reminder: Loving yourself isn't selfish, you must first love yourself before you can love others and there's nothing wrong with it.

Hope this helps someone :)",6.4702338129496395,6.4810469136690685,6.212149280575538,81.47131744604317,65.4748201438849,7.8133093525179875,31.04406474820145,6.6274283507984215,1.773984892086331,567,19,104,3,8,177,88,139,0.015,0.648,0.337,0.9946,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,1,9,15,0,0,7,0,9,9,0,0,1,14,24,8,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,6,3,0,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,13,13,22,18,3,6,0,0,2,5,16,2,0,2,6,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022946275075998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332232638064483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201832802742702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214584103175461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008168668872804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941069314194986,0.0,0.0,0.14033527712706342,0.0,0.163032509529293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979903136836354,0.20708505283276946,0.0,0.12476381622098699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6376097334862904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386620330017182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355739102305666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051555731526456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518356857366906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943325775728105,0.0,0.13974183947439964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617460439033156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386842120873608,0.18106898533072013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592829446686006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448110652387925,0.0,0.0
bpd,Aterriblebeauty,2018/11/26,"I just saw a less-than-great picture of myself To be fair, it's shot from below, which is flattering to no one.

​

BUT THE INTERNAL SCREAMING IS INTENSIFYING NONE THE LESS",4.184901960784317,6.491452000000002,5.141764705882356,78.38460784313726,73.11764705882355,8.062745098039215,28.98039215686275,8.841846274778883,2.5155215686274515,144,6,26,3,3,47,30,34,0.177,0.727,0.096,-0.5858,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,2,1,5,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44983495830682596,0.5044752395017097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577248000236132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813289590280824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044752395017097,0.0
bpd,Charlietd76,2018/11/26,"Untitled. BPD affects my friendships 

BPD affects my romantic attractions 

BPD affects my work. 

BPD affects my family. 

BPD affects every aspect of my life. Sometimes it’s so subtle I don’t even notice it, sometimes it hits me in the face like a sledgehammer. 

Wanted to post this in solidarity with all of you. We all suffer this terrible illness. You’ve all been really supportive towards me, thanks for that. ",3.3827397260273955,6.565200493150687,4.876178082191782,73.10495205479451,85.16438356164383,7.851506849315069,30.587671232876712,8.548686976883017,3.601450410958904,328,17,48,9,10,109,51,73,0.114,0.674,0.212,0.7482,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,5,3,11,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,10,4,8,4,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,33,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8734624461237839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916125038638982,0.0,0.11686387265656205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075752996589082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797054468568993,0.06776363505776035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791511307424255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283982968782496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885715954470058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743630662737497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739934624686247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769975684314466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181105216573085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097796556918627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,01010011s,2018/11/26,"Feel Nothing Does anyone experience the feeling of no wanting to do anything but without caring about it. I have no motivation to do anything but I know that logically I should care because of people around me but I don’t. I only want to stay home and stare at the wall for hours and not do other than this. I don’t care much for workin clothes school or relationships. I still try to check up on people because I tell myself that what’s happening is abnormal and once it stops Ill be stuck in a mess I’ve created, but even that I don’t care about. ? ",4.0504729729729725,5.215382009009012,5.129358108108106,83.00052364864867,71.25225225225225,8.072522522522524,28.289414414414416,8.472884824447931,1.9128279279279283,437,16,89,7,8,144,74,111,0.157,0.67,0.17300000000000001,0.4603,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,0,20,21,8,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,3,11,4,17,18,1,10,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,3,63,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835525933132806,0.0,0.2550462840460809,0.13795186772484466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188930674893375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6319893293295803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356110762578318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235304210352887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158568482186166,0.0,0.0,0.15671010578792072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703519987250348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544271400747853,0.0,0.1526094902590278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851648120897397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391724029847015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869327287630935,0.0,0.0,0.1650328627711272,0.0,0.11785800495044772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486669242311335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637461283699204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683303876534688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517226669722884,0.12375539561487693,0.1295578321777564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544640063112676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521118732550824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828049603205494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938090682189634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thedesolatemirror,2018/11/26,"Impulsivity Hey Everyone :] I'm new to this. I've been diagnosed by several doctors as having BPD but I don't self-harm. I'm a recovering alcoholic, a guy, and 24. I do see in myself the trait of impulsivity. Particularly when I'm lonely. I isolate - or spend too much time with people. To me my BPD is a series of paradoxes and I hate myself and am my worst critic whilst displaying arrogance. Can anyone identify or am I crazy?",0.91,3.4918457142857164,4.699523809523812,73.83714285714288,91.85714285714286,8.514285714285714,23.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.8077809523809534,336,14,62,12,12,125,61,84,0.292,0.685,0.023,-0.9794,0,2,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,0,7,13,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,10,0,8,12,2,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,4,41,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503998657811933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383090028007538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5901957161420147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378137667697721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398202123121163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238876435778056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199793265747956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132682693635134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224049991382456,0.0,0.0,0.2262923953449507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243698680209356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867100615559112,0.0,0.2444303144964689,0.2646969825419547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662462638118075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,writeyourdeath,2018/11/26,"Not doing well I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My boyfriend has been working more and I feel bad asking for him to spend his free time with me. I have this huge ball of anxiety aimed at nothing in particular and I keep thinking of killing myself when nothing in my life is going wrong.  
  
I'm so sick of feeling this way. I'm tired of the constant ups and downs. I'm afraid it's never going to get better.",1.5719318181818205,3.3584350568181836,3.0477272727272755,92.80409090909092,79.11363636363637,5.3090909090909095,23.5,5.985473137389443,0.3497681818181824,327,11,72,2,8,107,64,88,0.212,0.6579999999999999,0.13,-0.8474,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,1,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,11,18,5,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,1,2,2,2,4,1,0,1,3,10,5,15,17,1,15,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,5,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794961627513189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524285158165215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330904061239844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416773696081333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23724773774478555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330222594145594,0.15684139701785113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470203476111399,0.0,0.2495424283487963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513969919596832,0.24289154434769136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506954938481174,0.10725750670056848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932491673134628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213144131668462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067414070964984,0.0,0.0,0.12801715328552088,0.25233211527452376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742628300214126,0.0,0.0,0.19739531407076924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982974953180934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24003555193541626,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cakeikins,2018/11/26,"Helpful books about bpd and support? Has anyone got any recommendations for books around bpd? Maybe especially towards the quiet side? 

Recently diagnosed, been in group mentalisation therapy for the past two years",7.957727272727272,12.15024166666667,7.294166666666667,57.46125000000001,71.72727272727273,10.572727272727274,35.52272727272727,10.125756701596842,5.3798545454545454,177,9,22,6,4,55,29,33,0.0,0.8370000000000001,0.163,0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,12,0,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460396716810394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924870189929114,0.0,0.0,0.21547799969375525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6097131777509178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456781428335943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359145716024564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224265581225875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431742213204673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23106645350404625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389975941635638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746782532036049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27680807306091954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364500732541861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587384259027667
bpd,BpdRecoveryLife,2018/11/26,DAE forget that you can actually be seen by other people? I often find myself forgetting that I'm a real human being when I'm in public. I'll catch myself staring because I forget other people can see me and talk to me. ,4.386666666666667,5.092797888888889,7.304444444444448,69.41000000000001,70.1111111111111,7.777777777777778,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.611222222222222,175,4,28,2,3,65,33,45,0.09300000000000001,0.907,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,1,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.3781831997230551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236240826363236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542045981640257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373429698974892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411054368322001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088192565047732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31149002416861954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,injaneinthemembrane,2018/11/26,"Plans So is this a BPD thing - Since I was young I can't stand sudden plans or changes in plans, especially spontanious things. I feel I could never be surprised with a holiday or a trip away somewhere as I would just be annoyed that I have no time to mentally plan/prepare. Is anyone else the same?",3.3100000000000023,5.211203389830512,4.0120000000000005,87.31562711864406,74.42372881355931,7.431864406779661,27.0542372881356,8.238735603445708,1.7279600000000004,236,9,48,4,5,75,47,59,0.122,0.828,0.051,-0.4149,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,9,10,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,5,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050991404958744,0.3005453645670886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755877949246687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694316331599743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102981703050484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23419555105722786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450347780249573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831355765500598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29560186027113416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262297497249431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24264085636914726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38974320501275606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710397330018093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836913615949465,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Xayton,2018/11/26,"FP dating and sleeping with people So unfortunately for me my FP is one of my roommates and ex and she is starting to date and sleep with new people since her, my other roommate, and myself all moved to a new city. This is extremely hard for me and litterly drives me insane when she has people over.  I get massively jealous and want to scream all sorts of nasty stuff at her and do other things that I know are bad and will get me arrested.  She tells me if I care about her I should let her do what she wants instead of trying to control her.  She tells me to work harder on myself and we may end up back together.  I feel like she hates me when we are together.

It is just so hard to deal with that I have no idea what to do.  Any suggestions on how to deal with situation?",3.087075471698113,4.302231496855349,4.271839622641512,88.03530660377359,73.65408805031447,7.564150943396226,23.312893081761004,8.07648339933343,1.0261232704402512,604,16,132,9,12,198,91,159,0.17,0.79,0.04,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,2,9,6,2,0,1,0,15,2,2,2,2,30,24,16,0,4,2,1,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,16,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,0,4,31,2,23,20,2,16,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,3,10,103,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584553683230062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968320626021173,0.1299590376450768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869284886192453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457174039124634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32093117121405823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378573554169068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869997792310739,0.11119449947069722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626386347742228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27885891052881634,0.1536695364702668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570691510851372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553971420782146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915996299685642,0.0,0.07604143420558311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542850298356154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30065036519930244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547067399716166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32371882843972066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287530981079613,0.17495414517702962,0.31151951759832497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016799695926756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817897990087658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720852924152817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340518464783023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056743351445003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360968195544025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331312611104627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vampidy-,2018/11/26,"Isolation Does anyone else just get the phases where you just want to sleep. You just feel like isolating your self, you switch off your phone, and in the back of your head you just think, will anyone notice if I’m missing, even though you feel like isolating yourself you still want attention. So you do it you isolate your self switch off your phone and just sleep, but then you wake up and you try and just get back to that zoned out black out zone of sleep but you can’t get back to it and you get really annoyed that you can’t get back to sleep to zone out, so you lay there but get annoyed that you are just laying there so you get up,  but then other times, when you can get back to that zoned out space you pretty much just sleep until you have to get up because of work or priorities In everyday life that can’t be avoided by blocking out the works, but then once your up you get annoyed at your self for wasting all your free time just sleeping 😩😩😩",4.2996350078492895,4.946198892857146,4.1369387755102025,92.25641287284144,70.27551020408163,7.45934065934066,23.75039246467818,7.321109707123232,0.6256574568288849,757,17,170,7,13,230,89,196,0.122,0.81,0.067,-0.9164,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,28,0,2,24,8,3,1,3,0,9,9,8,0,1,35,26,21,0,3,16,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,8,10,0,2,4,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,3,28,4,27,24,2,30,0,1,1,0,33,16,0,2,16,116,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301349514385796,0.09745674529327827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656885235265023,0.0,0.05798133279948224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832359377135431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945653057857299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282268139457353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961861889485064,0.1359006116440443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969375744299715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761561860662953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718266672402719,0.09293694803268937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992060368250766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828926639522432,0.0,0.10129456579334484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676633575318044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060933221866707535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976776395176944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5711032449742703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595910810065475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060945968757106436,0.09345018448398697,0.0,0.11092485634039287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457696581025522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220279870088573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384899722476655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LadyWhiplash,2018/11/26,"Does anyone have a mantra against thinking ""i'm difficult"" I feel like, ""I'm being difficult"" runs through my head about a thousand times a day. I know I'm just beating myself up, and I also know I could shift that and be kinder to myself.

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Every sour interaction,  every negative response I get from someone, micro or otherwise, I mentally go to that place of recognition that says ""OH, I'm being difficult again"". Its why friends back off from me, lovers have left, the struggles with my parents, and why I've lost good-standing in jobs.

​

Does anyone have some kind of DBT skill or mantra they use to combat this particular line of thinking?",6.5020491803278695,7.60987949180328,6.219795081967213,77.6316598360656,65.55737704918033,9.050819672131148,34.10245901639344,9.188382445141503,3.1083245901639343,526,23,91,9,8,164,82,122,0.166,0.7390000000000001,0.095,-0.802,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,3,5,9,0,1,4,0,7,2,1,1,0,15,20,6,0,1,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,1,3,12,4,15,15,1,11,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,3,5,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539950146263395,0.0,0.31270568490705897,0.35068923029195553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180080292369548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096052710714216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521464724386925,0.0,0.0,0.09306385557569403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252562028304469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431639390979397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729642136648838,0.10309048911889986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148856927460453,0.0,0.07539265201208614,0.0,0.08201103625552204,0.12103497619523194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809707985949938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319901275835334,0.0,0.0,0.15026994736856364,0.1586109208414413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567862356369173,0.0,0.0,0.07049942832488791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752437755196255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542404371912235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602320215758777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076650239719233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475597951746168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226793457289123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085740821564134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492778370863605,0.0,0.0,0.08414456386352799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463194026533625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042302831040137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35068923029195553,0.0
bpd,KevinJBacon,2018/11/26,I hate myself and I want that to change In your eyes what is the easiest thing for me/you to do to start moving in the right direction? ,3.0358620689655176,3.6505631034482815,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,73.13793103448276,8.558620689655173,21.396551724137925,8.841846274778883,0.9594,106,2,25,2,2,35,24,29,0.12,0.747,0.133,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619983573996183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43117665605016653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641707808212096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729617446745445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30911701579729145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29014144741256703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25759239762950503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadoji,2018/11/26,"Impulsive spending So, I've always known I've been an impulsive spender; I have been since I was little. But it's only recently when I was cleaning out my room I've realised how much shit I have bought over the years. It makes me a bit sick to think about how much money I have wasted tbh.

As it's coming into the new year, I wanna try and curb my spending so I can save, as I am really struggling financially atm. Does anyone have any tips for saving/controlling the urge to spend? 

Any advice would be appreciated! :) ",2.949309600863,4.904959961165048,4.453915857605182,83.51403451995688,75.60194174757281,7.2962243797195265,23.09492988133765,8.167268648758528,1.324821790722762,408,12,80,7,9,136,72,103,0.128,0.779,0.09300000000000001,-0.5728,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,1,5,0,12,2,1,3,0,14,16,9,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,0,0,5,0,11,1,10,9,3,11,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,5,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679130052068105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459871601253725,0.0,0.0,0.30173406572645634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512414379066625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422050295637453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110593651447094,0.0,0.0,0.2488259900493024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941442641810442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222354082756172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480879967413615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261736342720665,0.0,0.0,0.214266136694688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872851599117875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421241334987381,0.0,0.21905218029212692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277279883692912,0.1835183463075269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319279799176911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215386507532712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506230103807258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759736369930105,0.0,0.0,0.2857309521412528
bpd,bpd_throwaway_265,2018/11/26,"The paradox of relationships Due to my condition I’m fundamentally unable to provide people in my life with the support they deserve. This means the people who select me  as a friend or romantic partner are usually similarly unable to give that support back, which is why they can’t find friends better than me.
this results in bad cycles where we’re unable to support one another adequately and end up hurting each other. I guess this is codependency? 

/sleep deprived incoherent rant",9.068470588235293,9.921130670588235,9.225882352941175,59.196470588235314,59.941176470588246,11.505882352941176,41.70588235294117,11.20814326018867,5.293870588235296,397,21,56,10,5,131,67,85,0.13,0.6729999999999999,0.198,0.7845,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,2,9,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,8,11,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,7,6,11,11,1,8,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,2,4,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905086712427444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397016957290854,0.15169628640182084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606823348024699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091569504410624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660534055289855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807330244030418,0.0,0.0,0.17428524614564295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014242133734209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449357611074453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128326866460555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979041840061044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311194249808005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25190985817529543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505771067208888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181249575890027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6185093168033621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009627066886201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639391034378248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CocoMadness678,2018/11/26,"My suicidal thoughts are never taken seriously Anytime I say “no I’m not in immediate danger right now” they just decide to say “oh that’s great! I’m so glad have a great day!” Like if I could handle the constant thoughts in my head telling me to kill myself I wouldn’t need to fucking tell anybody 

I’m afraid nobody will take me seriously unless I actually go through with it…

Fuck the suicide hotline and fuck my stupid will to live",1.8743023255813969,4.483329686046512,3.4058604651162803,85.96181395348837,83.53488372093022,5.765581395348837,26.04186046511629,7.1686216300943375,1.4025711627906978,347,15,67,5,10,114,64,86,0.247,0.57,0.182,-0.8773,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,1,0,3,13,6,1,3,0,6,4,1,0,1,13,18,4,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,2,11,4,9,11,0,8,0,0,0,3,5,3,3,1,5,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.16571397971477658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835086194041336,0.0,0.1355826706643124,0.0,0.0,0.1095159893564824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709709531528792,0.0,0.0,0.09650921636669857,0.0,0.0,0.37444109538108106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427816762252274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787404420324086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296254861036513,0.0,0.14994888370442133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591493816853405,0.13097103473127714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502023837243785,0.0,0.2700858363041944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37149793432650796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767900338518293,0.0,0.29684986263069285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696267141863348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pygmyshoo,2018/11/26,"I finally booked an appointment with a registered psychotherapist! I have no idea why it’s taken this long. I’ve been on the NHS waiting list forever and I had had enough. It’s been 10 weeks. So I actually called up a private therapist and I actually have enough money saved to commit to it and I hope it goes well but I’m just proud of myself for finally taking the plunge instead of scrolling through BPDmemes and sending the most relatable ones to my unsuspecting friends 

*pats self on back*
good job 👍🏻 ",2.2623129251700687,5.055643428571429,3.6092857142857135,83.73154761904766,84.10204081632655,7.756462585034014,27.554421768707485,8.59863814320734,2.5743442176870754,408,19,78,11,12,133,71,98,0.016,0.785,0.198,0.9505,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,0,1,13,11,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,8,6,11,6,3,9,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,5,51,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.3859678672901191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206420933570486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20193371151330056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40867513803534417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332699104426075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527878568956479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658705887303696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641897959661314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232454657230762,0.0,0.0,0.1962449640467768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501019871958445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340063919628978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630542104363955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868990751150454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296130566382377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863007543249666,0.0,0.1778087930454685,0.0,0.17844643913142552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,styxil86d,2018/11/26,"my bpd haiku everyone venting.

i'm such a good listener.

i'm a ghost, i split. 

​",-0.8633333333333333,0.4903321111111119,1.898333333333337,89.46750000000002,116.7777777777778,6.2444444444444445,26.722222222222207,7.1686216300943375,2.3662888888888896,70,4,14,2,4,24,14,18,0.142,0.679,0.179,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002058883704638,0.4488178556544625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46520120063712606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529432618760335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098051139460899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488178556544625,0.0
bpd,Life_Worth_Living,2018/11/26,"I need to vent about an interaction Hey guys,

I've been trying to deal with this on my own, but I really feel the need to tell someone. I feel like it's eating away at me, as I haven't really had an interaction quite like this. 

I had reached out on another subreddit to someone with whom I felt was struggling. What I said was taken VERY badly and the most ironic bs happened. I was basically told that they pity anyone I care about that suffers from mental illness... particularly depression, anxiety and BPD. This hit very hard considering I'm pursuing social work.

I cried about it. But at the same time I know I am not responsible for how they take my well meaning words. They promptly blocked me after calling me passive aggressive and saying that I'm basically a terrible petty person.

I just really needed to get this off my chest because I feel like I let a fellow borderline down. And I hate that. Even though my BPD is in remission (through lots of work), I am not perfect. 

To my sensitive borderline companions out there... please... not everyone is out to get you. And please don't shut people out and block them before they have a chance to rephrase what they meant. Taking stuff the way it wasn't intended is a specialty of mine... I get it. 

Take care, everyone. And I hope that you all have the best night in a long while. Keep on trucking. ",3.515058528428092,5.66663398076923,4.7486956521739145,81.15108695652175,74.57692307692308,8.521739130434783,26.688963210702337,9.20300075937882,2.3923561872909698,1065,40,203,26,23,351,149,260,0.195,0.6709999999999999,0.134,-0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,6,5,9,17,2,1,12,0,17,3,1,2,2,41,45,13,0,4,6,0,5,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,17,13,1,3,7,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,12,7,36,9,34,31,6,21,0,3,0,0,23,15,0,3,8,141,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135583999329547,0.0828465823549034,0.0,0.0,0.07572348225597324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174819576760104,0.0,0.09042311537416743,0.06601658607152254,0.0,0.09215240768253513,0.0,0.1136505725866887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727914866025218,0.0,0.110582909890579,0.0,0.22083114867141695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895870084357495,0.0,0.1116490120568187,0.09327568012124912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081443102413167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152886546902103,0.0,0.0,0.20696403397421195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427400462414446,0.1547341875841068,0.10398169379104348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974146973121734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072306341903662,0.09576630234679426,0.0,0.0970124582975358,0.10692044568454186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107562933196031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962589705097388,0.0,0.0,0.05951696463012523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074058378546454,0.0,0.15872470671490266,0.0,0.0,0.09583905970878676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206987412110497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796671683849234,0.0,0.0,0.10913747452551692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409016112280897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162899807774632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507920829827737,0.0945603908416015,0.0,0.23775423384287955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518673647293405,0.0,0.0,0.20813267435004176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301484112417922,0.08612178200344503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039471863833697,0.1835186706884541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321509239503512,0.12397366700136354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427663693340626,0.0,0.09465597865872284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640083367386607,0.0,0.06314860294253369,0.0,0.0,0.10348201698710596,0.0,0.07352626467545692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787120298482632,0.0,0.08596077930369868,0.0,0.0,0.0973716255287298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768239071959414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NonspecificAlternate,2018/11/26,"Have any of you done inpatient treatment? It’s really starting to look like my last option, but I’m just wondering how expensive it is? How long do you stay? Did it help at all? ",1.2558333333333316,3.614478472222224,3.3255555555555567,87.25000000000004,83.72222222222223,8.044444444444443,22.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,1.947022222222221,139,5,29,4,4,47,32,36,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.7399,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,7,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,3,7,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470983919433876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718451390797176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435536642618784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961882536601631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775201550825758,0.0,0.0,0.32156363860286186,0.3051322830593399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232778786573758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571892562214457,0.3872951873626084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39405022498958703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psychobabes,2018/11/26,"Therapist refuses to diagnose bpd and believes bpd is not real . I feel like I have bpd but my therapist refuses to diagnose or even look into it he thinks it’s not even real .. I rage , I have very  impulsive decisions , pushing away and leaving before they can leave and hurt me , fear of being abandonment I feel like everybody is going to leave me , unstable relationships , paranoia under stress , I can never be alone I jump from relationship to relationship pretty quickly , I come up with very untrue things in my head just to leave the relationship I am in at that moment . Does this sound like bpd enough that I should switch therapists because I have no idea what to do . ",6.679354838709678,7.70646935483871,7.298548387096777,70.34282258064519,65.12903225806451,11.361290322580645,33.24193548387097,11.20814326018867,4.114745161290322,536,22,91,16,8,177,81,124,0.28600000000000003,0.67,0.044000000000000004,-0.9861,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,1,2,1,0,12,3,1,0,1,23,18,5,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,6,0,3,5,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,0,4,16,3,16,15,1,14,0,2,1,0,8,7,0,1,6,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904947851453844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985264837333956,0.0,0.0,0.05829847940145619,0.0,0.08137871951231246,0.10774839661885613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817979786279775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238146742346204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194135926415317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836912220875546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988169792874142,0.0,0.126332618461592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076164634655377,0.09671230867547677,0.13664396153112165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435182711327583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814955703553284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237972147524334,0.10796077622152032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050565088575063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016794256667195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030968710229765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375995065086374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729562877022306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770814654612347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107067079446609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955007872610847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331203670135416,0.06353593990888103,0.061279331340580875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578185151775921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,3anza,2018/11/26,"[NSFW] Moral crisis So I meat this guy, and he’s perfect in every sense of the word, but he has a girlfriend whom he’s in love with. 
We slept together and I feel amazing, but I should be feeling like trash, no?

Or is that feeling gonna kick later?",0.979615384615382,2.838336192307697,2.7621538461538457,93.78284615384615,81.30769230769229,4.929230769230768,21.93846153846154,5.6839178017228535,0.09138000000000046,190,6,42,1,5,63,43,52,0.085,0.589,0.326,0.9443,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,1,13,10,6,0,1,3,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,4,4,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35748280424405265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6436016411104246,0.30311301320276696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201140180403679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728676652201067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829384829548248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,e_hs__,2018/11/26,"My FP is dragging me down Background: We’ve been dating on and off for two years now. When we aren’t dating, they suddenly don’t care about me and say things they know will hurt me. We go through this ‘cycle’ every time we date. At first, they love me & we’re together, next they tell me they need a break and that they ‘can’t be in a relationship right now’. It hurts but I’m always okay with it. They always stress that it’s a ‘break’ and not a breakup; they just need time before we can be together again. But before long, they always start liking someone else and I can feel them disconnecting... I ask them about it, they deny it and get angry that I asked, and then they do date someone else. Somehow we always end up in a massive fight where they tear me down (on purpose) saying terrible things and cut me off for a while. We’ve gone through this ‘cycle’ three times now (and it’ll be four times as soon as they start a fight with me). It’s a weird process but it always happens nearly the exact same way.

Recently, their ex-girlfriend, R, asked them to break up with me and date her instead. That scared me but my FP reassured me that they would never leave me for her. We ended up taking another ‘break’ a few weeks back, and guess what, they started liking/dating R. I told them I was NOT okay with this happening for the fourth time and I needed space. (I didn’t have solid proof but since they’ve established this cycle, I knew what was going on..) They denied liking R and got pissed at me for saying anything. And then I got confirmation they were dating R, and had starting dating R on the day I confronted them.

If they had told me they liked R and said we weren’t working out when breaking up with me, I wouldn’t be angry. It would still hurt, but lying and stringing me along hurts worse. I can handle heartbreak, but being up in the air and being terrified to lose them due to another fight is so much worse to me.

I love them so much, but I don’t know if they even care about me at this point. My mental health is plummeting and I’m going back to suicidal thoughts and planning... My FP is probably done with me, I’m out of friends, and my family hates me. Plus, my therapist is out for a few weeks for the holidays. (There isn’t any fault on the therapist’s end, it just sucks that all this happened while I don’t have therapy.) So I’m pretty much all alone at this point, with no reasons to be happy or to live. I don’t know where to go from here.

tl;dr My FP swings between loving me and hating me, they currently hate me, and it’s breaking me down.",3.4843980641258305,4.573497455938701,4.212196007259531,89.33003629764065,72.52490421455937,7.333817301875378,23.50695704779189,7.669130373188453,0.8724321839080459,2000,51,432,24,38,639,219,522,0.203,0.698,0.099,-0.9967,3,1,0,0,3,0,73.0,7,0,29,4,25,34,10,2,16,2,39,5,1,1,5,78,84,46,1,8,15,0,1,3,1,5,1,4,0,0,28,42,0,0,7,1,0,5,14,21,0,4,17,5,85,13,60,55,8,90,0,6,0,3,57,33,2,5,48,303,113,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370262153291343,0.0,0.0,0.2960634310864471,0.07710425971655074,0.0,0.048392764968403716,0.1492396314404873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058560461932925724,0.0,0.19958127084372435,0.0,0.0,0.10943874337170807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110765356869037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451092973208478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589375912794544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282368079615383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889384407444405,0.0,0.18908587360918006,0.0,0.0,0.04700198984071377,0.0,0.05995725827459631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708542868977878,0.0,0.035981767853713265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053056688100826,0.0,0.0,0.05497977181534583,0.0,0.03717933444789892,0.0,0.1617725687577095,0.0,0.1138298917993749,0.0,0.07839323270995002,0.0,0.1887856073406984,0.07575353010211576,0.0,0.2107739442899152,0.0,0.07564213578579686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047226084457335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173267218158306,0.0,0.0,0.07535053949674772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429883101829987,0.0,0.06283756363497324,0.06297634502153399,0.0,0.07961234645011021,0.0,0.0,0.19268010589507825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171480262204293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569373081976888,0.15829770274293184,0.05488470821488518,0.0,0.07568185192141251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454264113891973,0.0,0.0,0.07239758362792435,0.07672493309705666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316663705919149,0.07026412911761479,0.07640161642100696,0.0,0.060772166033926635,0.06769158834286881,0.16977321377520896,0.07124581881801352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886614213657599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059107380943718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014760052598723,0.0,0.0568302585627146,0.0,0.08151610803348275,0.0,0.0,0.0778399428918681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053505149900824715,0.0,0.06219893630504975,0.0,0.08138022583206313,0.1652496960987739,0.09455406334430834,0.0,0.0,0.05649487142488474,0.20747637855696996,0.0,0.0,0.13599714406853133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951517037293455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648527554630571,0.11416411654083733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051806959876021484,0.0,0.14504080876984482,0.10110323026044203,0.0,0.0,0.04582615084537823
bpd,bpdkween,2018/11/26,"Tw binging and purging, sex So I feel like I keep doing self destructive things to fill this hole of emptiness? I binge ate again and shocker! I felt like shit physically and mentally and then purged. Which makes me feel even shittier physically. This is becoming a multiple times a week thing. I don't think I have an ED but its just BPD symptoms? Idk. Also I have VERY casual sex with randoms frequently. I just feel like I have no self control I'm just shoving things in the figurative (and literal lol) holes to fill the emptiness and idk what to do",2.894691252144085,5.480276273584909,3.9757289879931403,83.72201543739281,78.71698113207547,8.00548885077187,27.560891938250432,8.841846274778883,2.477709433962265,439,19,84,11,11,142,71,106,0.184,0.716,0.1,-0.7519,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,5,1,7,5,1,2,0,21,16,10,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,7,1,2,6,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,4,10,4,6,14,0,8,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,8,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294871646879318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122910727071595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408823823899057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451177755916015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263239094329241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901169247723033,0.2732690833327615,0.1836373886683652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699986347196453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803165595364395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766600229288885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927427809360465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990469932184713,0.0,0.1963232842975495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878998530637126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811893594792535,0.12255021381878728,0.0,0.0,0.11152390502241652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578076355964535,0.0,0.0,0.1534153933404569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marshudding___,2018/11/26,"Quiet BPD Anyone with quiet BPD feels that staying at home decreases the chances of intense mood swings , because less interactions with people means lesser chances of triggers? ",17.2975,14.011725178571432,13.029999999999998,51.51500000000003,47.214285714285715,14.057142857142859,56.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,6.9091,147,8,17,2,1,42,23,28,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827733219858566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157852779875835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7503126029518756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061180677101435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987874698743388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32446728992589396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650525757766008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174893334498789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HashtageLizardTruth,2018/11/26,"Call me when you’re having an episode. I’ll step outside. I’ll make the time. My best friend suffers from mental health issues as well. We hold each other up as needed. We’ve done this for each other for almost 10 years. 

But lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern. When she needs me, when she’s having a episode, I go out of my way to be there for her. A quick call if that’s all I have time for. Texts with love and support. I’ll make the time.

When I’m having an episode these days, it’s always at an inconvenient time for her. She cant find a few minutes for a quick call. Support over text, and sometimes with long periods between replies. Lots of times she falls asleep and won’t get back me to until the next day. But the text I sent was at 9pm.

I know her schedule. We have the same job at the same place, and talk all the time. We literally have access to each other’s calendars.

When I mention it to her, it’s always two replies:
• “please be understanding of my time”
• spinning it around so suddenly she’s an awful friend and I can do better. I find myself and my bruised heart consoling her. 

I guess this is a side effect of needing more than you’re needed, and loving more than you’re loved. ",0.6223136818687429,2.931088806451616,1.971785317018913,96.15741935483871,86.33870967741936,4.5497219132369295,19.03559510567297,5.935793293072707,-0.26861946607341514,936,26,207,7,29,299,133,248,0.035,0.821,0.145,0.98,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,3,0,0,3,12,11,0,0,17,1,16,6,2,3,2,39,34,19,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,11,17,0,1,5,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,4,0,29,10,30,27,12,39,0,1,0,3,24,9,0,4,25,137,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083967083699124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014529367929327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636542370700064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323754512775611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360166511761542,0.09573830170458852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33160596760404804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396245508236451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077730298950438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787702309842256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726731673261008,0.0,0.05655614151956655,0.0,0.06152095262400448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924954626429035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506465620945393,0.0,0.12827673576059756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298484454937495,0.10742139207048104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949135258048278,0.0,0.12211068129896542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579781710224253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203025351543027,0.2930994731032077,0.0,0.1445153912204837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909050918659598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32106392476703643,0.0,0.0,0.11512507126044512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324330842407255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113098178912963,0.11882596030350966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070619883641311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456815664771673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700722552280261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418499965810329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574449144262836,0.11269203650450968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592378763652424,0.0,0.0,0.09732972341019423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970943162363898
bpd,PierceTheEye,2018/11/26,"How are your life skills? I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder this year. I'm 27 and I've had huge difficulties in basic life management skills and taking care of myself. Most of my life I've felt that I'm a 3 year old kid in an adults body, and no matter how hard I tried, I won't grow up. I've been depressed as long as I can remember, rarely having energy to do things I want to. Until four years ago I was so numb I didn't even feel the basic necessities of my body, I would starve myself and not go to bathroom until I absolutely needed to. The most difficult part has been that my mind doesn't seem to have proper structure, and most of my energy goes to emotion management and trying to cope with people. I've had extreme difficulties planning anything long term, dealing with money and handling my life. I have a job but it feels like I need to be on a conveyor belt and have to be told exactly what to do, because I'm so terrified of making mistakes and messing everything up. I've struggled to understand how people in general are able to do SO MANY things, and how they are so capable.

​

Can anyone relate to this? Is this common?",5.171168831168831,5.873709753246758,6.353662337662339,76.93906493506495,68.35064935064935,9.796363636363637,29.685714285714287,9.888512548439397,2.8062436363636367,927,33,177,21,15,312,130,231,0.142,0.799,0.059000000000000004,-0.9436,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,3,9,8,0,1,6,0,26,8,2,5,1,38,42,23,0,5,2,0,4,1,0,2,6,0,0,3,9,13,0,0,6,0,1,2,5,6,0,1,9,4,20,2,31,29,5,20,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,4,12,119,29,3,0.12951695023551849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480896177818226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033156146857406,0.15737727087279935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056126302376316,0.0,0.10658141448447696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895233073070211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877282684105485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205116261735567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352628862261912,0.1115527594548058,0.13145697817866672,0.0,0.0,0.14843764579224927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568913651004267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554472412711056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640148357052285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097532317601526,0.09252693512696472,0.12435658319614948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736074675381346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602174768939613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285255883154835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659266088904597,0.06327543973122061,0.0,0.0,0.22923685059538945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645356999780941,0.13130985904964826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307751986056377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207035499263891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590625217608426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025423577040325,0.0,0.17958149117686295,0.11308920524399957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467174567963109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790736717795527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539923753093974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738062799377516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720906134250456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375899627700475,0.0,0.17586701498803908,0.0,0.0,0.13483171285575007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639245291737956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200512542447192,0.0,0.15737727087279935,0.2502140087149789
bpd,Nelsie642,2018/11/26,"Is it just me? Hi guys, so I've been wondering if anyone else wakes up with massive anxiety? Because it's been happening to me for a while now and the anxiety is often caused by the thought that other people will gang up against me/turn against me... Is it just me? Or do you guys experience something similar?",2.4933333333333323,4.808375737704921,4.043852459016397,84.17812841530056,78.50819672131148,8.001092896174864,29.83879781420765,8.841846274778883,2.7065060109289623,244,12,48,6,6,81,46,61,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.5204,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,1,0,10,10,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,8,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,2,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857969786931807,0.0,0.0,0.17631319144423396,0.2583634054851638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371182929988594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590334560772361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106438068143864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466567477493446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993477524127277,0.22298053254470887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481307557183154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194121846537757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018353136897116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274273091414284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27345219826053696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jcd1997,2018/11/26,"Possible dissociation? Does anyone else experience this? Whenever I go somewhere unfamiliar (a city, someone’s house that I’ve never been to before, etc.) when i come back home my house almost feels unfamiliar. Like I’m seeing it in a new light almost that reflects where I just was? This sounds so confusing just saying but I’m hoping someone else gets it because I’ve experienced it since I was little and I don’t understand. Could it be dissociation? ",3.9505087014725535,6.918954385542174,5.777751004016063,70.06480589022759,77.43373493975903,8.508165997322624,27.29451137884873,9.150863307647796,3.017798929049532,366,15,59,10,9,125,59,83,0.023,0.894,0.083,0.6739,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,14,15,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,6,6,2,2,10,1,9,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,5,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513383666759022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266569797824765,0.1797501775464066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348959003971698,0.0,0.10694133929591686,0.0,0.14927918093548212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111859777268769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006767977856566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352118047064453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29310080971286145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565235885968274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160554962382202,0.0,0.0,0.08870337547686764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165565396675407,0.0,0.09970169452702156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597197521401367,0.17424294134383886,0.0,0.4048485110316307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570690955882597,0.1758283275129994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135303493161214,0.16943271736103505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777251883662506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951007251452366,0.0,0.0,0.13979609451674854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511864814548006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972848733493585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263025067034871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dozenfl,2018/11/26,"can ya’ll clarify what FP means? diagnosed a few years ago, but there’s a bunch of lingo used here that i’ve never actually used or encountered. 

for example, what is an FP? i get what the acronym stands for, but why/how is this a common thread in the lives of everyone with BPD? 

you guys talk about it like it’s a given.. but I don’t think I have an FP. Or if I did, I wouldn’t know the difference between that, and a girlfriend/boyfriend, sister, brother etc. (any relationshipwith intrinsic positive bias)

furthermore, why is an FP harmful, and why is it so important for us to have one, especially when  some of us don’t fully understand the term",3.759999999999998,5.388892913385828,5.158275590551185,80.70040551181104,72.62204724409449,9.489448818897637,28.44803149606299,9.888512548439397,2.797731338582676,508,20,102,14,10,170,85,127,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.9142,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,12,0,11,1,0,2,1,18,19,10,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,8,1,11,16,5,8,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,7,69,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.1862131287881614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915072079739352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976437687769218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033154226521175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936786316013385,0.0,0.19936664459397674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128151237367289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233701534434996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969575349763407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889421404898728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486987023421154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322518097487023,0.0,0.16849785902765707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078592946345732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717241236925868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930480301494648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337416371011414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226997092849595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986507069017972,0.4590667555371906,0.32961501852018504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34437135904675475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288204472375668
bpd,chowmeinmix,2018/11/26,Is it possible Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with an FP? Or is it inherently impossible because of what an FP is? I often wonder if the relationship would work if I didn't have BPD. What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear some perspectives on it.,2.700576923076924,4.986743288461542,5.031384615384617,77.51361538461539,77.65384615384616,9.544615384615383,29.63076923076923,9.888512548439397,3.321764615384616,209,10,42,7,5,73,36,52,0.0,0.858,0.142,0.8146,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,9,13,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,5,10,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,6,0,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971732623443296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30932841596351096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27681246238586993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166632170877887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537610229648409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273714753054508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949813700691631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663460070898137,0.17880192946674084,0.0,0.0,0.1744693443617239,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderlineemo,2018/11/26,"Does anyone else push down all their emotions I cant deal with any of my feelings, so I do everything I can to just distract myself and just not think about anything. On the outside it seems like im getting better because Im more active and dont really self harm anymore, but I just more active in an attempt to be distracted and not think about my life. I hate going to bed and getting up in the morning cause thoes are the times I cant really distract.",6.203548387096774,5.4956439784946225,6.762924731182796,79.70438709677421,66.20430107526882,9.160430107526883,33.65376344086022,8.238735603445708,2.5231995698924723,362,14,71,4,5,119,62,93,0.129,0.7509999999999999,0.12,-0.4284,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,1,3,4,0,7,1,0,1,1,17,15,6,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,1,10,2,12,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483868966041013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664265403301184,0.13864351864326124,0.2031635371789433,0.1631693489326261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208709835983488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536448522104536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369043009599025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044202329770722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351808205168906,0.0,0.2323852518029485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563932804990916,0.22304077747403528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820324848250385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025743377605156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718852260969306,0.0,0.1126883388897611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957626136962454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283575846024184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005257581394778,0.09687066318558396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540492984635608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805086602560439,0.20685156955699668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541024441608377,0.0,0.0,0.1156199404533915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paltrypickle,2018/11/26,"BF of 10 years (on and off again) just dropped a bomb on me last week - He's only been with me for the past year because he pities me. I have been with said BF for the past 3 years in a pretty stable relationship, with some ups and downs, but nothing we couldn't fix. We've been through a lot of shit in the past ten years and he's seen me through the worst times in my life. And now I've been in therapy for 1.5 years and have changed considerably. I feel better now than I ever have before. But..

Two weeks ago my BF started acting weird when I came to stay with him for the weekend, ignoring me, only paying attention to his phone and ignoring everything I was saying. It was irritating. I let it go because he's been under serious stress at his job. I didn't want to jump him and make matters worse. Fast forward two days later and he's questioning our relationship. I didn't do a fucking thing this time. Two days later (This last Tuesday) I went to his house to have a conversation about WTF is going on.. He carefully articulated how he felt (which he rarely does because he keeps his emotions secret from me).. Told me that he isn't sure if he wants to be with me anymore, because romantically it isn't there (apparently on my end?) and that he is having a difficult time imagining our future together next year. I am getting ready to graduate college and get a job and move in with him. He doesn't want to lose his ""best friend"" but he doesn't know who he is without me anymore. He feels as if he is RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HAPPINESS, and WITHOUT HIM I wouldn't have a social support system. He's worried about my well-being. I asked him how long he's felt this way and he tells me over A YEAR. A FUCKING YEAR! 

I am so sad. I feel like a fool. I had been planning my life with him, and I've been so fucking excited to start my life with, who I thought and feel like, is the love of my life. I'm so incredibly distraught. We aren't broken up, yet.. He said he needed space from me. So I'm giving it and this is the most challenging thing I've had to deal with this year. He essentially told me he is staying with me out of pity because he's worried about my mental health if he's gone. I'm so devastated. I thought the last ten years was about love and our deep, long lasting friendship. I'm so confused and crushed. Does he really see me as that weak? Why fucking be so selfish and lead me on?

Has anyone else ever experienced a relationship that the other person stayed in for the sole reason of pity? Worried about your mental state if they leave? They think you won't make it without them? I'd love to hear any of your stories...",2.7316582021330618,4.319815905027937,4.068096749619098,87.63397854240732,75.23836126629423,7.116455053326561,25.42614694430337,7.84624498591911,1.2699389199255124,2059,71,442,30,44,678,237,537,0.18100000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.133,-0.9807,3,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,5,3,3,6,23,36,5,3,22,0,42,14,1,6,3,82,90,38,0,10,11,0,6,2,4,2,6,4,0,1,20,33,0,3,16,1,1,10,13,22,0,5,26,13,63,14,67,58,5,82,0,5,2,7,77,22,5,9,47,268,83,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055428192266439344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04252186923593795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240239465699074,0.043721735838627165,0.06406835740684377,0.0,0.0,0.0584561811137137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058551265710053,0.0,0.053207579809517486,0.0,0.06562033552216838,0.05530182567019009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151652653603395,0.06375249037355701,0.0,0.06614739876766851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065207374111738,0.0644646609791491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943911148432073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052234962127007685,0.07033671713896435,0.05538214095448809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312213407420292,0.0,0.0,0.05619703994807672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646617969049187,0.08934147074599498,0.12007530590357662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483097559992749,0.2312282390106353,0.0653376511428919,0.0599835215929683,0.07107335176207034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656329108836842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646541086690906,0.07047473579788269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215007922233227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410078290006188,0.05557865480219669,0.0,0.0,0.034364307186493484,0.20387794663178194,0.0,0.06620919034963282,0.0,0.06394014652570354,0.17666434848678314,0.061097029096766765,0.0,0.0,0.1106724077333212,0.0,0.06995396496827698,0.0,0.05315992602415046,0.1693046113935955,0.0,0.08347719595647968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602906493839044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645843917735535,0.0,0.04636446667719273,0.0,0.0,0.0665003087349335,0.0,0.0,0.0599982690069505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511225556951344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907303857403442,0.0,0.05459791739632675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636144800991318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004679871192841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040057683280502326,0.06429023378795579,0.0,0.2013982593259236,0.0,0.0,0.11895881005219425,0.049725576406774885,0.0,0.0,0.049827523231612034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418512751941584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374044857008941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851670653074932,0.19994280638435727,0.0,0.0,0.07162676670129271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709571765834256,0.05893284946426649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465310853605066,0.0,0.0715073694070065,0.0,0.08308298812598094,0.04006606312458028,0.0,0.09928209461883604,0.109383501161452,0.0,0.0,0.11949829236496005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324526319844467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064368588726567,0.04963261558012114,0.10031399607266528,0.0,0.05622108707512628,0.05796501630145243,0.05642270340414851,0.0,0.0,0.18082719531214886,0.0,0.0,0.19050372670307975,0.06372240053252594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026663066484869
bpd,cienanosconsoledad_,2018/11/26,"Reactivating my facebook, my bad     I deactivated my account a few years back because it just seemed like the healthy thing to do. I kept comparing my ""success"" with others and obsessing over social capital and likes. 

   I decided to travel back in time recently and it was a terrible idea and I've been agonizing over it since. My friend list is now more a body count of the people I've pushed away by blocking or dodging in person. It was so easy at the time to vilify others. I mean, I was shielding myself form abandonment and the deceit, right?
  
    What I've realized is maybe it wasn't everybody against me. And in exchange for protection, I've lost my circle of friends and acquaintances. Surly I didn't give a shit about everybody's pregnancy, their rollercoaster breakup, or their wedding but it was nice to bitch about having people to bitch about. It was nice that others reached out to me and wanted to hang out.

     I just feel massively lonely. I feel massively stupid. I feel massively angry. I just feel massively and wish it wasn't so and never was so. I hate having these thoughts. I hate having this disorder. Reactivating my facebook was my bad but reacting to my facebook was even worse. 
",4.609048855322161,6.858834497757847,5.338041066792544,77.69609629454804,71.73542600896859,9.17904177484069,30.122492329478412,9.682069395223575,3.1631399103139017,955,41,169,25,19,309,120,223,0.251,0.647,0.102,-0.9923,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,2,14,20,6,1,8,0,18,2,2,1,1,37,32,17,0,2,7,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,16,13,0,4,10,1,2,3,4,13,0,0,15,4,26,7,26,17,3,21,0,3,0,0,8,10,3,3,10,122,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772342120012266,0.24180141069171546,0.2625621389720758,0.09584637719485732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464786592409273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020000748360465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038493964628286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31800227079211546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429521022423587,0.0,0.0,0.15083001734815527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104655353071487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774943255161292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362995892635886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716358857669271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795937442066613,0.17127032934255906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212660111299603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800794455659106,0.1372877852011023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552463507732154,0.0,0.0,0.13427416128019512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143136926851942,0.0,0.0,0.16139505717820227,0.13006286231063244,0.0,0.0,0.16027690119369056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104457092611309,0.0,0.0,0.12482361535335128,0.183364974686846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273874234484457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808075488945693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023151896626367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125141773007967
bpd,bagofpandas,2018/11/26,"Guys, I acted like a grown up today... it was really fucking odd lol Big family drama explosion earlier while I was at work. Started to lose it (sobbing uncontrollably) but I used my DBT skills (I’m only doing it solo right now) and reigned myself in. Then stayed calm and came home and had a rational discussion with FP, openly admitting fault for things and acknowledging where I have been dropping the ball on important issues. (Normally I would lie to save face, though admitting that sucks) And I didn’t spiral. And I didn’t sink into a pit of self-destructive despair. Folded laundry while FP showered, made dinner, took my melatonin and magnesium and eating something real quick before sleeping. 

It’s bizarre. I actually can change my ‘x days without drama’ sign to 2! 😱👍🏼",3.426791958041957,6.340673545454546,4.7291914335664345,77.07532561188812,79.27972027972028,7.770804195804198,27.119318181818183,8.660442795831766,2.7205388111888125,619,26,100,15,16,204,112,143,0.09300000000000001,0.81,0.096,0.1097,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,2,1,4,1,10,5,2,2,0,24,20,13,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,12,2,0,3,3,0,4,3,7,0,0,9,0,12,3,12,10,0,23,0,3,0,1,4,9,3,0,9,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.1867209652867087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281688056090787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884283782186992,0.0,0.0,0.20241313668327687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233989509042483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957893497762669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037902491713065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689143496134646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945741949129896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919303675900395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971002525311415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347942271276928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406134990121387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105123876385665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874733040117492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552325824985166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778765693145247,0.12257778041356412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340395023773382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996101262605568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147892838345287,0.0,0.0,0.14730345309146914,0.0,0.0,0.13543196370194607,0.2039437748195388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711828843539574,0.0,0.18799130986940155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136865279209868,0.0,0.21258660735207235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525696880669707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444564957789286,0.0,0.13929834077040734,0.0,0.0,0.13592297497779324,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,makemescreampoptart,2018/11/26,"DAE ever feel like drawing away from everyone to save them from yourself? I have been diagnosed with BPD, GAD, and chronic depression. It feels like I keep going downhill despite doing everything my psychiatrist tells me to do and being diligent with my treatment.  I hit a low mood the other day and then my BPD has been building thought distortion on top of thought distortion making every moment worse. 

At the same time my fp/fwb of the past 6 months has told me he wants to go NC before the new year.  I have been talking to someone else for the past month and I’m totally falling for him even though it was made clear at the beginning that nothing will ever happen and it keeps being reiterated frequently. I just don’t want to be alone and want to be loved but pretty sure that I’m not loveable.

This is such a stupid problem. I know that it is.  But it hurts more every minute. And I feel like I want to cling to someone and beg them to love me and at the same time I think I should just stay away from everyone because I can’t handle being me so how can anyone handle being around me? That’s how I feel at best.  At worst I wish I was dead so that the pain would stop.",3.626275894538608,5.03839446186441,4.4233333333333364,86.70179849340867,72.60169491525423,7.278342749529191,25.822975517890768,7.793537801064563,1.3310337099811678,927,30,189,12,18,298,137,236,0.151,0.695,0.153,-0.6312,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,12,16,1,0,10,0,25,5,0,4,5,48,52,17,1,8,5,0,4,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,12,12,0,3,8,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,9,4,26,8,27,33,6,31,0,3,0,2,9,11,0,0,19,130,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132833091262081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648010511782226,0.0,0.0,0.09737020067050507,0.0,0.0,0.20552971089073355,0.0,0.0,0.06667621841798661,0.0,0.0930731870279876,0.0,0.11478615984336875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755171968991447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054018967199231,0.0,0.09420768311334192,0.1110170416565147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137183869011843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224357606187302,0.19787852744638595,0.1843124839310584,0.2090320017303175,0.09830249051416244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122055611600605,0.2344204184591593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432483087821003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672319143313332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709212214007507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194441564592401,0.0,0.0,0.06011165328898521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031067104542318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743702955292367,0.10349673663483253,0.0730111076245535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461001229913992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563859536728938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495177816076004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638661036931565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088286226704095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112774237270534,0.0,0.10466060963038357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853523742858355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658310263395505,0.0,0.09144546083816328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308809646889394,0.0,0.0,0.08791442701168474,0.09560177348128243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008543143701078,0.10746398213031587,0.17366888315668874,0.12755915727073225,0.0,0.0,0.10451600086515876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580574799534945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578006571083986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114662031963958,0.0776994647479204,0.0,0.0,0.07043627355864032
bpd,JehovahsNutsac,2018/11/26,"Anyone else get such intense anxiety, that not even benzos work? Last few days have been - well, no words for it. I have been laid off of work for over a month, have 3 adult kids at home with anxiety / depression of their own and one has autism.

My BPD (mixed type) often surfaces though I'm finally getting therapy (when I can afford it). Even though (when employed) I made good income with my profession.

Last couple of days, anxiety was barely touched by 20mg of Diazepam and .5mg of Ativan. Don't know what to do. I've had anxiety  minor and extreme throughout my life, but this is new.

Anyone experience something like this?",3.9536974789915966,5.973431638655466,4.5199075630252095,83.85229831932776,72.94957983193277,7.785210084033612,27.026050420168072,8.548686976883017,2.011906890756304,491,18,92,9,10,156,88,119,0.083,0.8490000000000001,0.068,0.2287,3,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,9,4,0,0,1,0,12,1,0,1,0,11,17,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,5,1,7,3,14,12,2,13,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,10,58,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820333934994572,0.0,0.0,0.22029422386475986,0.16140586367983795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840077023556385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743015326217558,0.0,0.2031848192562602,0.0,0.13567847743919165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159427707588928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080912741064788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409243165913078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256402296945414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460356469828755,0.0,0.0,0.13212685854129225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801324388417953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657316818618413,0.2568123906502677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126655537566184,0.07696013405661649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905662874273978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573720014896894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214134669891705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674492524586404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127260917897625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801467867409103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095405596049272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163642527552614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293642529756528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alxx771,2018/11/26,Finding a sense of self It's like one minute I'm one person and the next I could be completely different and I don't understand how my personality can just shift? Either I'm super shy one minute and then outgoing the next? As if there's two sides to myself and I can't figure out who the real me is.,1.4922395833333333,3.3829570781250027,3.8731250000000017,86.29270833333338,79.78125,7.3916666666666675,20.041666666666664,8.344100000000001,0.9792479166666666,239,6,52,5,6,83,48,64,0.033,0.82,0.147,0.7882,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,9,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,6,2,4,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342676554267793,0.0,0.0,0.1783949016983368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23344232715151034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421581145642315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915919882293043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752519413987032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542166146571445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901901620089714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25431828154532593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330917417675704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182638164741553,0.2326040216200196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DiamondRage,2018/11/26,"That feeling when... ...you're pleasantly tipsy, but you decide to drink more because you are actively trying to make yourself feel miserable.  

My FP and I live in very different time zones. Haven't been able to get a hold of them for over 24 hours, which has never happened in the few years we've known each other.  
They might also have BPD and have had issues with suicidal ideation. I'm going out of my fucking mind here. Not necessarily asking for advice. I just want to put the shitty way I'm feeling out there. PM me for drunken rants lol",2.541584415584417,5.066968838095242,3.528917748917753,86.76350649350651,79.66666666666667,6.103896103896104,22.87878787878788,7.348242739294969,1.0334761904761915,428,14,81,6,11,137,85,105,0.155,0.7340000000000001,0.111,-0.882,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,2,0,5,3,1,1,3,1,8,2,0,1,1,20,20,5,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,5,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,3,9,1,15,17,3,13,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,1,5,51,12,0,0.20798715500706205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032426407200285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632725271545812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443991372948397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267870392253267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619525407958697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173023091730016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203748230370032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154936646590296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228077334366314,0.1086647041379396,0.0,0.1182038932563814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392235428461728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482545186003515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708455306805768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836564683725584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883304101394087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064150352493045,0.21000773608403675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041251594283662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090845372197788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275041898964645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127898267301218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120962561437572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716111850578078,0.12267621278453665,0.16509052263941673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393690869781094
bpd,kothunger,2018/11/26,"Is the BPD stigma worse than I thought, or was I just exposed to a bad group of people? I really made the mistake of posting on a sub about people (that don’t have BPD) affected by others that have BPD and I was seriously met with a lot of hate after claiming that people with BPD can get better, and it is discouraging to tell them they can’t. Because the mentality there is that people with BPD absolutely can’t get better, for whatever reason. 

And perusing through the posts, they are ALL hateful people. Like, they absolutely hate BPD with a passion. Most of the people I have told in my life about BPD are supportive and understanding and encourage me to become a better person, but the people from that sub could start a genocide lol.  

Is it really that bad? I almost feel uncomfortable talking to the people close to me about it. I also don’t think people with BPD should be discriminated against so harshly, it is a mental illness that we struggle with, and I don’t think anybody without it could comprehend how awful and purely torturous it is to be like this.

Is it seriously /that/ bad?

",7.0277243589743605,7.198919144230771,7.678653846153848,70.88301282051283,64.28846153846155,10.394871794871797,33.19871794871795,10.125756701596842,3.3500564102564097,874,33,153,18,12,291,107,208,0.215,0.6970000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,4,3,8,20,4,1,14,2,25,3,0,4,2,38,40,12,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,15,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,6,1,16,8,29,29,3,7,0,1,0,1,12,3,0,4,4,118,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180770841717661,0.0,0.0,0.05734686192196462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796258195216635,0.0437140559544262,0.07919861459592659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026633252639416,0.0,0.0,0.7225349275901275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451000018438424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362589840792308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749315542973603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239782106859506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065124774723903,0.07006825732317183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096570375036565,0.0,0.06785421014721366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453463749138645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474352912021615,0.06261484366737483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735767512175234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187916667512358,0.07373033862721402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507570618595303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496738590026815,0.0,0.0,0.08137622698312699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763818453977272,0.0626781388396165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091898387284697,0.0,0.05693012783255145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852245700724863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465316078269206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912636418644673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307912714858228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lacroix_life,2018/11/26,"Is it okay to leave or ""ghost"" your FP? Is it okay to leave or ""ghost"" your FP when they end up causing you more emotional stress or pain when they are gone from your life? My FP just doesn't know I have BPD and also just doesn't get how I want him to be there for me.  We hang out but I'd rather he just get out of my life so I don't have to obsess over him!

Friends-- Is it okay to leave or ""ghost"" your FP...even though I know it'll hurt me so much.

​

PS. watch me come running back to him haha",0.2256637168141609,1.5619392212389371,1.5568230088495592,104.02744690265487,81.56637168141594,4.873982300884958,15.724778761061945,4.935628992294339,-1.2790028318584072,384,5,105,1,10,122,66,113,0.12,0.77,0.11,0.2636,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,5,2,0,13,9,0,2,0,4,11,3,0,2,0,19,18,13,3,2,9,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,1,1,20,5,13,15,2,12,0,1,1,0,13,4,0,4,4,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421378167878816,0.0,0.1925801359039688,0.21597234361043255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667032242551388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238560527086913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825869169333474,0.0,0.15310641332520505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993245578699664,0.15742400126375078,0.0,0.0,0.11739493543621488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732071311094804,0.0,0.18572258671873507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902732792041014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953614159625972,0.0,0.0,0.5645998232808218,0.0,0.0,0.25108462890860195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306586183963515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912683112812487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359942785471016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746276683909202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483506925247914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597234361043255,0.0
bpd,KleinVogeltje,2018/11/26,"Does anyone else ever take a step back and think to themselves, ""Wow... Your borderline was showing there, dude."" Like, I thought that my BPD symptoms were manageable. Things had been fairly chill. Mr. Anxiety was kicking my ass; I'd lost 20lbs in two months because I can't eat, but everything was chill for the most part otherwise. The bipolar symptoms were under control, and despite the conversion disorder episode, I'm stressed but content.

Then I had a meltdown tonight about my psychiatrist, NP, and therapist assuming I was a drug-seeker and noncompliant (which may or may not be true; I'm asking my therapist tomorrow). I went from angry as fuck, to crying and wanting to die, then back to angry as fuck and full of energy. Like, I definitely split on my therapist in the past, which has since been resolved. And then it happened again tonight, assuming that he thinks I'm a drug-seeker because I was hesitant to go down on the Strattera. They also only gave me 20 clonazepam for the month, which my mom said is an indicator of that (she's an ER nurse). Apparently, we're all just fucking psych patients to most medical professionals. 

I was driving earlier and literally thought to myself, ""Dude, your borderline is showing,"" and got pissed off because I thought that was under control. Now, I'm just salty in general and rambling.",6.357151191054933,7.924063776859509,6.491516771998061,73.87625911521636,66.19008264462809,9.99163830821585,37.37578998541565,10.194018383442646,4.180182498784639,1062,56,178,26,17,339,148,242,0.17800000000000002,0.746,0.076,-0.9837,1,0,2,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,1,4,10,11,4,1,12,0,20,10,2,2,3,35,42,19,1,1,6,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,1,9,10,1,2,8,2,0,4,2,6,1,1,21,1,21,5,24,18,5,28,0,1,0,4,11,10,5,7,16,118,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049193543048777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865651046543888,0.0,0.0,0.07912228820981784,0.11594313314969885,0.0,0.0,0.10578689800413453,0.0,0.0,0.17402211841554022,0.0,0.2069391103326031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251778960182993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538313020485308,0.0,0.0,0.12429809529088814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743952053580325,0.0,0.12968818896087395,0.0,0.09902480716054636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624533280534531,0.1157882744966697,0.09452849135030576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023573506798098,0.0,0.0,0.10169857865940547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31383659097115435,0.0,0.0,0.06430996064419828,0.0,0.09050231343875206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000647190188338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105659839947881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352467403661704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399418018848048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252858442953386,0.1806423212437888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606130512787513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253844187621026,0.10802154654424674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107638604386461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936049742709812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962142444193986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352277407733868,0.08508028550965283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941534044066944,0.07517675140003255,0.1450133913107387,0.0,0.26950301790965914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053834170251092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674316893303285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489804757107543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flowersofblood,2018/11/26,"i went off my meds or i mean kind of????? i started taking a lower dose but the dose i knew wasnt doing anything and now everything is just great??? that kind of happy where poeple are like r u drunk lmao

like i have energy for everything and nothing to worry about no anxiety no sadness its all just!! working out for me!!

or maybe its not related i wouldnt know but it feels like a good decision i want my emotions back u know i made a poll on another site before like would u rather feel 50% pain and 50% happiness or being numb all the time and u know of course most dont want to be numb so why would i fuck that i mean my doctor left me anyway lol k bye haha

just spreading some

positivity

for no reason

i just yes

idk if this is bpd related even but thats my diagnosis and what i take meds for so like!! glad to be done with that shit

off topic but i also cut my bangs super short and i hate it 3am is a time to make bad decisions",-0.4211940298507457,1.7276038358208972,2.2222169154228872,93.4505194029851,90.24378109452736,5.604059701492537,16.995223880597013,7.087006719466742,0.06913874626865679,725,18,167,12,25,250,122,201,0.198,0.494,0.308,0.9871,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,14,23,4,0,6,3,15,9,1,3,2,44,33,17,0,7,14,0,2,5,0,3,6,0,0,0,10,8,1,0,11,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,5,2,21,14,17,22,4,14,0,1,0,1,1,8,2,6,11,104,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844998591633924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909020993459294,0.0941778214105888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130797365045326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466299414217924,0.10279062538291156,0.0,0.0,0.1047564395125335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505110275717224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260069748574908,0.0,0.1259829463721783,0.14428248393715126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384807217478459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131213776550901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128432968308365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244949192441792,0.08794888256211847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381201287590995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325773985829023,0.0,0.13572778050374198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26210300869225195,0.0,0.12154435768614855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25639754096986994,0.20297197204192866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375796684293612,0.0,0.0,0.3007234709736831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164884321385837,0.08217601571239526,0.0,0.1236792398581166,0.2682029378886377,0.27349203400628364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812612151472182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309963406061914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657625118761628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636931528671436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871369741560625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851248483157411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357135034908594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522540622454486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412300175585045,0.11108645680653637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962460255251367,0.12502286450368785,0.0,0.17490578197508494,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ctlynchyo,2018/11/26,Any musicians or artists here? You guys wanna share your creations here? Being creative helps me feel better when I have the motivation to do it ,4.098333333333333,7.244608576923079,4.128461538461536,80.89987179487181,78.61538461538461,6.5435897435897425,27.89743589743589,7.793537801064563,2.1671435897435893,117,5,19,2,3,36,25,26,0.0,0.5429999999999999,0.457,0.932,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972809506875106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166838210969226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953927296709297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784570080392686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915817926632004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Annamolly18,2018/11/26,"Love and patience You can have a normal life 
You can control how you react.
Don’t let people define you with your diagnosis.
Not even the therapist who just want the check.
Life doesn’t have to be a text book of BPD. 
Yes,
It’s hard to deal with extreme emotions
BUT 
How cool is it to know that even with your extreme mood swings..you are able to control your reactions? 
That’s absolute strength of the mind!
I’ve failed many times to get to where I am 
But because I’ve failed so much 
To a point where my unstable mood swings cost me my life (twice)
I can be proud to admit that I have more patience. 
That with my patience I’m surrounding myself with people who also have better control and patience. 
In the end...
That’s all we humans really need 
Love and patience 

-recovery feels good 💜💜💜
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bpd,nicecrocs94,2018/11/26,"How to move on and accept that your FP doesn't want you in their life anymore? I encountered conflict with my FP (favorite person). She was someone who I cared about, who I really wanted to get to know and spend time with. Whether these feelings were truly genuine or whether it was an emotional overcharge due to BPD, I gave this person way way too much power over me. Ultimately, what ended up happening was, I gave this person too much attention, smothered them in it, made them uncomfortable, and it caused an issue. I tried to resolve it, and for a moment, I thought we did resolve these issues. But, it happened again, I expressed too much dependency and it drove this person away. I tried to reach out and reconcile, but it's been a month of silence, so I have to accept that it's over. I take responsibility for driving her away, and while it's tough, I know I have to move on. 

So I'm asking, how have you. if at all, moved on from a FP, who you depended on for an emotional focal point? She could easily make or break my mood, easily. I would think about her all the time, light up when her name popped up on my phone and thought so much of her. I know this is a common characteristic of BPD, I acknowledge this and work on managing my thoughts and emotions, but a diagnosis doesn't make the feelings less valid in my opinion. Any suggestions/tips/advice to accept that she's gone and how to move on? I'm not blocked on social media (though she has made some privacy edits, like I can't see her stories on IG or Snap, but she sees my stuff on snap, and unfollowed me on IG but didn't block me outright; We're still friends on FB). Any help is appreciated, thank you",6.4196666666666635,5.9087533303030275,6.756969696969698,79.27212121212123,65.6969696969697,10.0,31.96969696969697,9.444778638647367,2.593333333333332,1309,45,268,22,18,425,168,330,0.024,0.8220000000000001,0.155,0.9914,2,0,0,0,0,1,49.0,1,5,3,4,15,12,1,0,10,0,18,1,0,10,2,67,48,32,0,5,12,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,24,16,0,3,17,0,1,7,5,2,0,0,16,5,45,9,45,30,8,46,0,0,2,0,35,25,0,8,12,188,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241555891761706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286256517748753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379092011884108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841291000522179,0.0,0.1777087353644665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822255390676556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642339076241403,0.09715243598623437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550877791547454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31914540382168965,0.0837635328004168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563781580196799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306680026239516,0.0,0.04941044522915198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726103448017138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339023204776786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741910686745612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592440392715684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667996473867706,0.04620354966920353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897435949300086,0.1262563115307076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754871992306517,0.4020641711537723,0.27808789968089953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303096894300218,0.0,0.0,0.08940197423781107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060585831633566525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072473922611804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640517795983274,0.08013132478118558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552605284009438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082633623874196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110706304753843,0.0,0.0,0.08707003473202479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059850585186485,0.0929174097450116,0.2252409940940995,0.1102924556478853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841760399754518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156311225061004,0.15013515734367958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885020916741272,0.0,0.0,0.06718188605923553,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,courtnichizzle,2018/11/26,Assumptions Is paranoia and assuming the worst a sign of BPD? I constantly ask my husband if he loves me. :/ ,3.3520000000000003,5.9358422,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,77.0,10.0,35.0,10.125756701596842,4.4895,84,5,15,3,2,28,20,20,0.312,0.551,0.136,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435377314785516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5975410782237192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5127015269317544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282009865377973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Memecity69,2018/11/26,"Tips on overthinking? For the passed 3-4 years, I feel like my brain has been in hyperdrive. I can’t stop and relax because my head is always moving a million miles an hour, and I can’t find an off switch. Spent the last of my money so I can’t afford weed or alcohol to numb myself. What do you guys do to help?",1.0952736318407936,2.699500641791044,3.0306716417910486,93.22322139303483,79.8955223880597,6.257711442786071,18.629353233830845,7.1686216300943375,0.09326069651741252,241,5,56,3,6,81,53,67,0.07,0.802,0.128,0.594,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,8,4,2,0,0,6,10,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,2,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,2,1,9,2,7,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130674522974065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437524129696241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785756047172485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270217661894027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812100746570311,0.20927885522834916,0.0,0.0,0.26774500108425914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29006006648106386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006444881633149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635381581365774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884902837930057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23878800584508225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431173697999333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113525209550747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449138366763959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864597368003452
bpd,anonymousgupgupgup,2018/11/26,"Obsessing over people... Tips? I can't stop obsessing over someone. Not even talking romantically, just in a general way. This has happened before in the past with certain friends, therapists, bosses, etc. I never even know what I want from them, but I want it desperately. Maybe I'm hoping they'll save me from myself? But, of course, logically I know I'm the only one who can ""save"" myself. It's like a powerful, iron-grip attraction to someone, but not in a sexual way (at least I don't think). It only happens with people of the same gender as me. It hurts and most people I know don't struggle with this. Just another thing to despise myself for. I can't stop thinking about them. Wanting to talk to them, to be near them. It's at the cost of other relationships, because other relationships don't seem as fulfilling and I struggle to allot mental space to them when I am in the middle of obsessing. I want this to change. I want to stop putting people on pedestals.

It's getting to the point where I just want to end the relationship I have with this person because I don't like what I become when this happens, and I especially don't like how it ends (in flames and humiliation). It would be fucking hard to end it, but maybe for the best? They're a genuinely good person, and nothing bad has happened between us (yet). It seems like there should be an easier way than cutting off a relationship entirely, though. I don't know. 

Does this happen to anyone else? Has anything you've tried worked for you?",3.4254403183023854,5.613381713793106,4.62896551724138,81.74143236074272,74.9655172413793,7.49602122015915,26.3262599469496,8.384062270229773,1.9111989389920423,1187,44,223,22,26,390,144,290,0.057999999999999996,0.706,0.23600000000000002,0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,1,6,3,13,22,3,5,14,0,20,1,0,2,2,49,44,15,0,9,9,0,1,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,22,9,0,3,9,0,1,1,11,10,0,1,0,1,31,12,43,38,6,31,0,1,0,1,18,16,1,5,15,160,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829246502557077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887554696655884,0.08627424124923189,0.06929054282951573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030461644748802,0.10265673204745422,0.09299378403115686,0.07164915353805716,0.0,0.0883641299205581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907387156895293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736851754005738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033942973709773,0.0,0.22373223146326893,0.0,0.09390677127361204,0.11122840505803124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505375995994797,0.07784279823719831,0.043991734028425926,0.0,0.0,0.07062410379281969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722949119384693,0.0,0.07542787751797232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363094692127959,0.0,0.0,0.09013929473359927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850994561788816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645461204642258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169183162148312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485516402320273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494127777893666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079347347664367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057057019013016685,0.1280778533255523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037972334800304,0.2334984774965812,0.14704275520112411,0.0,0.0,0.07959749915318608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464562089225447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616029860507302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330750703349774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426870739889438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118831555585613,0.0,0.17605108193770086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535572338951668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776426591555483,0.055939640498121085,0.10790566001143496,0.08272740626310232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716719464303329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128386567319424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798485353153514,0.2005053550787156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129959111777662,0.0,0.0,0.05981422853688843,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,showtimeshultz,2018/11/26,"Are your symptoms worse with certain people? I've been dealing with BPD for years and was officially diagnosed this year which didn't come as a shock.  One of the things I've noticed is it's easy for me to use my coping and communication skills with, easy to apply DBT and CBT skills to and easy to all around deal with and then there's others who I feel like I'm still reacting the way I did when I was 16 to (ten years ago).  These people have certain traumas and baggage attached to our relationship but I wondered if this was something anyone else had ever dealt with and how they maybe made it easier to handle or if maybe it's time to just walk away?",10.43159090909091,6.375148068181822,9.545393939393943,73.64809090909094,60.74242424242424,12.37818181818182,37.763636363636365,9.3871,3.217034545454545,523,15,108,6,5,166,90,132,0.032,0.843,0.125,0.8482,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,1,2,7,5,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,4,4,29,16,15,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,14,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,8,1,9,3,19,8,1,14,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,4,10,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133819339333296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937550627723965,0.17492884157257327,0.0,0.15198223097956093,0.0,0.0,0.16040258610260813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502327185123676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470652302505966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520217756120165,0.0,0.1732831764905557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261956735429954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443133452102403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632413568403542,0.1219666042219885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340804225364422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615449575388485,0.0,0.0,0.3430341911984365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943725482341436,0.0,0.0,0.11568827607185893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367196603876257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832957049031155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143312488474165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363419099103636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744956118312813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342268988554738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955163474234836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745234659066092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551425850540086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851449363634287,0.0,0.0,0.17398425929033698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32982561164336416
bpd,nerdymj,2018/11/26,"Anyone Else? For some reason, I'm always surprised to realize that I have absolutely *viscious* mood swings full of irrational rages and lows when I'm PMSing. I thought it was because I happen to be reading what could possibly be the most triggering book I've ever happened across, but no, just my bpd turning me into a douche. Then when I have a semi-justifiable anxiety attack (surprise -- my debit card decided to stop working, even though there's money in my account!), I start screaming at people like a lunatic. The whole time, I'm getting pissed off at myself because *inhale* having a mental illness is not an excuse to be a jackass *exhale*. And all that does is make me realize how little progress I've made, which in turn makes me suicidal because I read a blog post about euthanising mentally ill people who aren't progressing and yeah....

Just tell me I'm not the only one going through something like this. Please and thank you. ",3.9081643002028383,6.551293339080459,4.81325895875592,78.78410750507103,75.3793103448276,7.312508451656524,29.20081135902637,8.313332769828598,2.5603066937119667,747,33,122,14,17,242,126,174,0.259,0.652,0.08800000000000001,-0.9879,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,3,10,11,3,0,10,1,11,3,1,6,2,26,27,10,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,4,3,1,4,5,0,1,3,2,15,5,15,20,5,19,0,1,0,0,4,10,1,2,9,82,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853322363728876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897699720864916,0.0,0.0,0.09960721951193408,0.14596106073067833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162062105017582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605160929350656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941595313295847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373800790425495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466254360353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900212191908682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408959007098963,0.1288578898374014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442638809910243,0.0,0.08095994834860765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25194338177576153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391917560462475,0.1427764330506585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479351458621713,0.19017843693506226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871204561167354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096530585452637,0.10834276289663858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975194737206852,0.0,0.0,0.15637182453010684,0.0,0.16059559454576425,0.13643165062922108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849853018334991,0.0,0.0,0.14646654133372458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966812648425177,0.0,0.0,0.1008297457633448,0.0,0.0,0.11909800695284747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558216650542958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451116303004699,0.1311525967174376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996043077072767,0.11309264376880153,0.08306613177014514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30989830992152684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904491622954536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370828201270567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alittlebitblue39,2018/11/26,"Can I vent something (kinda) strange? So I recently moved to a new town and for the most part I like it, but I have one weird problem: I haven't met anyone- whether it's at a coffee shop or at work or anywhere- who's a little bit...different. 

I'm not saying that I hope to find someone with serious personality problems or severe mental health issues, but I've noticed I tend to attract and become friends with people who aren't neurotypical (i.e. the oddballs or the misfits). But it feels like everyone I meet here is just so normal that I can't seem to fully relate. 

In the past couple years, I've become more attuned to how people with mental health disorders- myself included- interact with the world, especially people living with deep emotional/mood disorders. It's as if we have a secret empathetic language. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but I feel like we understand each other. We get it. My old therapist even said that people with common illnesses almost always find each other and I didn't really understand what she meant until now. 

Again, maybe this is a weird complaint and maybe it's based in some fucked up thinking, but it's mostly how I feel. 

",5.293125,6.7076949196428615,6.147678571428576,75.92232142857144,68.55357142857143,8.814285714285715,29.625,9.188382445141503,2.6677642857142865,938,35,163,18,16,309,136,224,0.158,0.754,0.087,-0.9366,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,3,0,0,2,10,13,1,0,10,0,9,4,0,3,1,53,25,22,0,5,14,0,3,3,1,0,3,2,0,1,17,15,0,0,11,1,1,1,6,6,0,1,4,5,18,7,20,21,7,19,0,0,0,1,14,9,1,12,12,109,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147967388886504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263444847166473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784365901933811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459077422805453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154217437339593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318315781430247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631486132969387,0.2551848129956656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353159743484143,0.0,0.0,0.10637940312553708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688735015972453,0.1590665798518711,0.0,0.0,0.20350494343271536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860123254757092,0.10292164668176107,0.058164683299219214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366745363999407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057458063705457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619830356624147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316882926345724,0.1115806667915392,0.0983053366177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368941036873974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438641488983774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832485556780928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752201221983963,0.0,0.0,0.10907854957463546,0.0,0.12674853359213242,0.11682080836499872,0.0,0.07543925044521352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055820050195505,0.10627590058610696,0.30872538431112323,0.09720798096059988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305318020346412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841184227686695,0.0,0.0,0.07132005577045668,0.0,0.10992372182317184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589914683657242,0.08853310007260153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134952384730174,0.0,0.12576981275948912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432849889591104,0.08570632013583024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492604080648936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926127352207864,0.0,0.07133497552861648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179433523983065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104866476582226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169207276905147
bpd,Deezy666,2018/11/26,I feel extremely alone right now I've been having an episode for the past like 5 hours and I don't even know why all I know is that I've cried enough for 5 years and I feel all alone even though I have a wonderful wife... I just feel like a disappointment to everybody and I don't even know who I am. ugh.,2.001044776119404,2.8778249253731336,3.197194029850745,96.0071343283582,75.86567164179105,7.748059701492537,20.86268656716418,8.238735603445708,0.462644179104478,238,5,62,4,5,77,41,67,0.204,0.662,0.134,-0.5553,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,2,13,14,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,8,2,3,13,3,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323282424526485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292618519680301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156567183417171,0.0,0.41355966525299065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31659527435374,0.14910488327771992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554064119271576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441102526639243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039336338661572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992405415000774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824008959949314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505984014645026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833136582690768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22634076189974814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344045763996664
bpd,cranialgames,2018/11/26,"I genuinely hate people who have managed to recover from their MH condition Especially when it’s with zero effort on their part. 

I’ve tried every medication, every therapy, every bullshit holistic treatment, for half of my life. I keep getting worse, and now I can’t even work or leave my house. 

Forgive me if seeing one more “it gets better” sends me into a rage. ",7.156764705882356,7.534602911764708,7.872352941176473,68.90058823529415,64.0,10.329411764705883,34.64705882352941,10.125756701596842,3.7034294117647057,290,12,47,6,4,97,59,68,0.20600000000000002,0.723,0.07,-0.8789,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,3,3,4,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,1,9,2,7,7,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,2,33,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952635443961345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582428466263078,0.0,0.5580545203206764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23069873715862385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179763009733556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547525335137109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962409920093487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377602859567964,0.0,0.0,0.15594470180646292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241441778213664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960744925209224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390851547049561,0.0,0.15306228850889106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593449541268746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252483208856924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498963373724612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073176667772593,0.0,0.224995497610095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alrightmanjesus,2019/01/18,I constantly walk out on people hoping they will chase me but..they dont When I feel like I'm not loved or appreciated enough I can't take it and I literally walk out the door wanting them to stop me and it's manipulative as shit but I just want to feel like they care. My ex who actually did grab my hand and stop me turned out to be cheating on me and my other ex just turned out to be a controlling piece of shit. So I DONT KNOW I just wanna die tbh ,-0.0406060606060592,1.9960346363636392,2.580606060606062,92.59090909090912,86.47474747474747,6.0242424242424235,17.08080808080809,7.348242739294969,-0.02302828282828262,355,8,87,6,11,123,63,99,0.263,0.632,0.105,-0.9520000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,3,1,5,8,3,0,2,0,7,4,3,2,0,25,19,9,1,4,6,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,4,17,5,13,15,2,12,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,2,6,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.17154868723334574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923276064715074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996986741231275,0.19716688676075572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244546247722476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120563601061413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164124367941764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777252607395522,0.251173222383217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460219335919272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661127916214922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176723808259012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866011775938152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187278698192515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608981399906511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293941772077862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217451814077066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824247807032264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073746259798528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cammieam,2019/01/18,"A bit of a different question. It's about suppressing your sexuality. Would it makes sense for a person with BPD to suppress their sexuality because of the drastic need for love, safety and approval and stay with someone they aren't really sexually attracted to? 

(If you don't want to read much you can answer the question, but you can continue reading my story if you want to) 

I got in a relationship 4 years ago and I was never really in love. But he loved me and cared about me so so much. It was something I really, really needed. And I loved that feeling. 

I also had masochistic tendencies. I loved being over powered and hurt during sex. I never really had any orgasms either. 

A year ago I went to a therapist and got diagnosed with BPD. I learned a LOT about myself. I started telling myself that I deserve respect. I started gradually getting some self respect. With that I started enjoying sex less and less. I didn't want to be overpowered, I didn't want to be hurt, I didn't even want sex with him at all after a while. 
I started realising how unattractive he were. 

I think he was a ""favourite person"". 

I know I like girls, but I never in my life acted on it cause I thought it was shameful. But as my self respect grew I got more and more into girls. They became like an obsession in my mind, I didn't understand it at the time but I fully identify as a lesbian today. 

So back to the question.. Could I have tricked myself into believing it was true love because of needyness and craving for being loved? 
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bpd,emetophobiia,2019/01/18,"What exactly is a ""FP""? Hi everyone! Very sorry if this has been asked before, I couldn't find anything about it on here.
For context, I have BPD and I know that FP stands for Favorite Person, but I am not certain if I know what such a connection feels like?
I know it doesn't necessarily have to be in a romantic context. Is a FP just someone you obsess over and want to spend as much time as possible with? Or is it more like wanting to /be/ that person?",2.3108870967741915,4.035421956989246,4.042674731182796,86.78401209677419,76.74193548387099,7.230645161290322,25.603494623655912,8.07648339933343,1.4930010752688174,354,13,75,6,8,119,64,93,0.064,0.779,0.157,0.8669,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,12,0,0,0,2,19,19,8,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,7,3,12,15,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873490822223697,0.0,0.21283625326233174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372633853355656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867363816726838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175438793096094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511437856915745,0.1626440825610389,0.0,0.0,0.20808189157064327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753565618647597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245145869381588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736013621251175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975769868358488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566583343817867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929000067339407,0.0,0.0,0.2548525806802429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275342380321714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878476540389144,0.2685656971623533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deadasleepghost,2019/01/18,"I'm afraid that I am going to start hurting people. A part of me is asleep, and I need it to wake up. That part of me is stuck in dreams of suicide  and homicide. My explosions of rage are becoming more and more frequent, and they all end the same: everything blurs, and the control of my body shifts to something disjointed -- it's like playing one of those boring interactive story games, but my control over it is slipping. 

I am diagnosed BPD, but I have not been to therapy in a while -- my insurance is gone, and she won't return my calls to schedule an appointment. It is my suspicion that I am also obsessive compulsive, and all of my metal health workers believe I am on the autism spectrum. I don't know if any of that really matters. 

I need to wake up. I'm going to do something horrible if I don't, and I do not want to hurt myself or others. 

Maybe I need to go back to the hospital. 

I cannot escape my fantasy. I live in a dream world, and lines between it and reality seem frivolous and thin. 

I think I can wake up that sleeping part of me with a gunshot to my temple, but I am too afraid that it will kill all of me. 

What can I do? Please help me here. I'm desperate. ",3.4766553232863373,4.328121842975207,5.1749878463782215,83.31510209042298,72.30578512396694,8.834613514827419,29.111327175498296,9.168548406835145,2.3458849781234807,914,36,193,19,17,312,126,242,0.14,0.782,0.078,-0.9388,0,0,2,1,0,3,31.0,0,0,1,3,4,10,2,3,9,0,23,8,6,2,3,35,39,19,2,6,8,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,15,12,0,2,3,5,0,4,6,8,0,1,3,1,34,2,31,34,9,21,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,5,8,146,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847914477324708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922465570613364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430636988556663,0.0,0.0,0.14981461392400092,0.0,0.1528309411857098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067641541619348,0.17084625118727825,0.0,0.13851367456869432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042857071396817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376817534323305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014551376822767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191334824639233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312788260488487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441894588904295,0.0,0.0,0.09092324240207243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29043196339599275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007647291521034,0.0,0.07454961601436377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662716701091034,0.0,0.11978131241795252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362785178802864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017479591895284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191985640917184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440686741199891,0.0,0.09404253365545392,0.0,0.0,0.1489028124075775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690077442213576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349053873417692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574782563285367,0.0,0.0,0.20885978038621614,0.0,0.0,0.09601366974913304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483789309892522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512743797101286,0.0,0.0,0.08691895357979726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000980254061886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shonuph,2019/01/18,"DAE Feel the sensation, or at least a constant thought of being watched/judged or imagining if you were? Mostly in every day tasks in what you do...say... how you respond and think, basically imagining that you’re being judged for all these things, and feeling like you have to make the choices so that other people “watching” would approve of or see as fair and also correct.
For me there also seems to be another mode I can operate in, when I’ve pulled back into some kind of secret place where these imaginary watchers can’t see me. 
Usually when I am trying to analyze myself, formulate arguments, see reasons, explain things... that’s when I am in that secondary “cloaked” mode...",9.296186666666664,8.132924071999996,8.677400000000002,69.95636666666668,60.28,11.853333333333332,40.83333333333333,10.864195022040775,4.524573333333334,539,25,91,11,6,171,89,125,0.023,0.925,0.052000000000000005,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,0,1,10,2,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,3,2,25,20,15,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,15,14,4,16,0,0,4,0,7,8,0,7,8,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222439096898082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126734333588906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492421380964652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177262376223006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299366994285922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975397951755156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374675090280087,0.14393598691700396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098084252322662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843201715071673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448818879667554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967953833713534,0.0,0.21050172040154064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071530314450114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602234629755495,0.0,0.0,0.4816558540229894,0.183418085082543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26770617927090434,0.1290990239932661,0.0,0.15995109720969244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679039694612075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22189965023568167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312425361568895,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,One_Robot_Boi,2019/01/18,"Feel like a burden Been back and forth with my SO. They just kicked me out again. I want someone to be able to support me with my disorder but I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I feel imasculaed by my hypersensativity and mood swings. I cried last night because they were being distant with me and that upset them even more. I'm torn between wanting people to understand why I feel the way I do and trying to hide it because I'm embarrassed by my feelings. I have few people to turn to when I feel deeply depressed and my now ex SO only got irritated by my sensitivity, neediness and fear of rejection. I'm in a very dark place right now and the suicidal thoughts come and go. They would be more prevelant if I wasnt going to be a parent soon. I've failed at life in so many aspects from homelessness to financial struggle to numerous failed relationships. I hate myself so much I'm 27 and still feel like a teenager. I feel like I deserve love and a family but I cant expect someone to love and nurture me due to my illness. I hate my life right now and need to get some of this off my chest. To anyone to reads this I thank you deeply for any interest or care.",3.595864978902952,4.975274852320677,4.9795991561181445,82.81260548523207,72.62869198312238,8.30464135021097,27.5126582278481,8.841846274778883,2.0352430379746838,928,34,190,18,18,310,134,237,0.251,0.607,0.142,-0.9882,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,4,2,15,24,2,4,8,0,11,6,1,0,0,39,41,21,1,6,5,2,8,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,18,0,0,10,1,0,3,2,12,0,0,5,8,35,11,32,31,5,24,0,4,0,2,10,9,0,3,15,125,39,3,0.11046757716185364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512174056469208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724149845067134,0.0,0.0,0.09833956416045436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849427480808662,0.0,0.13468001942976895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126290571945911,0.0,0.0,0.09515803625718246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213434463544901,0.0,0.0,0.09514556233977807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660541388954327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296279287087121,0.0,0.0,0.10555650396216924,0.0,0.0,0.10413900038559726,0.12430673612165954,0.4468458095387537,0.3156722367875753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577147496859614,0.0,0.12556253965479225,0.0,0.08835101286155833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812772454838247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004581929802966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605303332758974,0.21587551307371475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994026026614796,0.0,0.0,0.11199678467028314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120637977629755,0.08191030873592678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366633788749592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084015570291263,0.0,0.0,0.12266117148186866,0.0,0.0,0.15316861767781595,0.0,0.11541510630886058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049747125708567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860083653515867,0.0,0.18867741462327192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871976392968024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821954981824301,0.0,0.0,0.115484696732022,0.0,0.12083359980177318,0.12535729746325586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170370326357454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876989169184027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500023361069033,0.1201570023887744,0.0,0.11500064367384105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114732025911333,0.13031327825258862,0.08768402090860508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967980625608823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847299734615455,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElizabethLaney21,2019/01/18,"Learning new ways to cope I have started doing a DBT workbook since I cant afford the actually therapy sessions and some of the suggestions I been putting to practice.  One I found extremely helpful was when I have the urge to cut, instead use a red marker and draw lines where I want to cut pretending its blood and hold an ice cube in my fist.  

 

Are there any other suggestions others have found helpful to cope?",18.46975,8.301884475000005,15.94,52.02500000000002,54.25,19.5,60.0,13.816669648895859,7.647624999999998,338,16,60,7,2,108,59,80,0.054000000000000006,0.8320000000000001,0.114,0.5699,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,6,0,8,1,1,1,0,10,13,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,1,7,0,7,9,1,7,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,3,40,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.24539384272364556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27246252997855,0.0,0.17100501612258348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5514374085503563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33710375819328625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428667381111427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039938430205376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527920654357127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801468136222345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779884221860089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875724674867753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718526652895195,0.0,0.0,0.14832073964913176,0.19960143756595106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,humboldtcash,2019/01/18,"DAE feel terrified like they’re waiting for their partner to find someone “better”? I feel terrified that I’m too ugly, too unstable, too boring, too average and that some perfect person exists who will swoop down and take my FP away",9.803023255813958,8.393558255813957,9.260116279069766,66.96598837209304,59.465116279069754,12.32093023255814,40.1046511627907,11.20814326018867,4.651427906976744,187,8,30,4,2,60,35,43,0.281,0.5589999999999999,0.159,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,4,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898762612947623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670056296650812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196407563960874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792733951066513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273248995477144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623342052384021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516011889253676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120044249458829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,freebrianwilliams,2019/01/18,"Concussion fucking with me Been really grinding in school and in a good place, but now I just got a concussion. Symptoms and recovery are really socially isolating and getting in the way of work, and making it hard to stay emotionally level. Already found a new FP and have been stress eating. Shit sucks. Any advice on what to do as I recover?",5.134687499999998,7.060801843750002,6.364500000000002,72.23050000000002,69.625,10.745,31.55,10.793553405168565,4.06781625,274,12,46,9,5,92,51,64,0.19399999999999998,0.778,0.027999999999999997,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,1,4,0,5,4,1,1,0,10,11,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,3,1,9,7,0,10,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,2,31,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153385214779746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388821435587201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472083268425367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215048135813064,0.0,0.24350177054005806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23735028396152966,0.0,0.20012479928053992,0.11309764219440145,0.0,0.0,0.1815663737169214,0.17313236728045656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391631840423745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449668567103013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090699265652964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616707978763684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27735490649255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190811371026908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220531223313345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066585864633967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073026124297302,0.0,0.0,0.24796784978414274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499720760006456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182533194456562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759413389846488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myseconduser69,2019/01/18,fucking end me you guys ever get super drunk and do some stupid shit and replay the event in your head for days until it drives you insane? My anxiety is at a maximum level rn boys,2.9401801801801817,4.5250568918918965,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,74.67567567567569,7.095495495495496,20.44144144144144,7.793537801064563,0.8101063063063059,143,3,28,2,3,48,35,37,0.289,0.629,0.08199999999999999,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,1,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,4,1,9,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,1,5,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929579628147539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469729754283714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33918265216658006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34640287277411785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35403383659312737,0.20007711347952972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791836337819007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930202143344943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930957057000765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hfdif4098,2019/01/18,"Need advice (F19) My ex is 20 and a male, pretty sure not only did he have BPD but I knew he had depression and bad anxiety. Wanted to get others views/advice on dating someone or being married to someone with the disorder?

I’m a very open hearted and caring person. I know and have seen how he has phases with his mood. But I still try and be there for him. Things just get hard. ",0.7167948717948711,3.0231770897435917,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,85.7948717948718,5.005128205128205,17.641025641025642,6.42735559955562,-0.033112820512820385,295,7,60,3,9,99,61,78,0.193,0.716,0.091,-0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,1,1,19,17,9,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,6,2,6,11,0,4,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,1,2,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107607265845165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078313201171046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548716293249006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647077788567826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142871964049861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810232307009493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24087850744599865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196152966112933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882753210315146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490581271588844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550656296318965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584193682242353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984739161028325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351651174496872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382331123582066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35616081939883343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784585141292616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980872435548459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963078532418965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269487990462965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734162054149804,0.12396653113611927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,11Benny23,2019/01/18,"BPD Ex-Friend keeps posting abusive messages Hi everyone, I ended a friendship with someone who I highly suspect is borderline based on my research and from knowing him in our brief yet highly intense relationship. For context, he and I met at college, became close friends, engaged in a friends with benefits relationship, developed feelings, and then I told him I wanted to remain friends even though I lost feelings for him and wanted to get back with my ex. He took this well (or so I thought.) 

We had an intense fight, in which he accused me of terrible things and brought up confidential details I told him in confidence to use against me. Now, we are back at school and not speaking. I have avoided him successfully, and he has cut off everyone in our friend group as they are still friends with me. I know he was going to be angry, and I checked an online profile where I saw he has been posting exceedingly disturbing and angry messages, not only about me but about my best friend as well (someone he cut off.) 

Mainly, I just want him to stop and let all of this go. I know that he is believing his own lies as per his posts, which aren't factually true. It's really upsetting- I didn't know our friendship would crash and burn like this. I don't want to be friends with him anymore, but I want him to stop posting such awful things online. How do I get him to stop?",6.803472750316857,6.8136022243346055,6.682220532319393,78.38315335868191,64.77946768060836,9.598884664131814,36.92496831432193,9.21078282632365,3.273569531051965,1087,51,205,17,15,344,143,263,0.16399999999999998,0.653,0.182,0.335,0,1,0,0,1,0,32.0,5,0,1,3,16,23,3,3,4,1,18,0,0,2,3,49,43,21,0,6,6,1,2,1,7,1,0,1,0,0,10,19,0,5,8,0,1,5,5,8,2,0,12,4,42,15,35,27,4,34,0,1,1,0,45,15,0,1,11,144,52,4,0.0,0.10803272718336776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042550429875916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022272309943076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272800582754536,0.09568719744781276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114837313383123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807579207638222,0.0,0.0,0.06022316049601584,0.0,0.0,0.1742517255544893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220612947358783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635600762079767,0.0,0.095274988704898,0.0,0.10363875449916857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267216990839647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104447613110724,0.0,0.0,0.20043934373364727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323715547568573,0.0,0.044545668961735764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953313016236236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934607317964935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34929879857615675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841188434747455,0.0,0.0,0.19578519222144786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227846159266938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451208804189515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281601893985827,0.2286902849315869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115113746529535,0.0,0.08958333731752427,0.07238629089008257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742517255544893,0.1013037132878051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874976131059742,0.0,0.0,0.2688999818324083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396253438450925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477125844325511,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Very_Okay,2019/01/18,"how the fuck do you get over someone who doesnt deserve to be your FP but is my FP is also my huge crush. we've been talking for two years online.

she has proven time and time again that she really doesn't give a shit about me, but i can't help but want her in every aspect of my life. 

she uses me for emotional support, and i go out of my way to make sure she's okay. but any time im not doing too hot it's radio silence.

she's led me on for two years and only recently admitted that she doesn't really see a future for us despite me being totally honest about my feelings for her this whole time. but still all i want is to always be talking with her.

i deserve better. how do i prove that to myself?",3.0898039215686315,3.325245333333335,4.876346405228759,87.35255882352942,72.79084967320263,7.688627450980393,23.7967320261438,7.554174236665415,0.8938135947712422,548,13,124,6,10,188,95,153,0.06,0.764,0.17600000000000002,0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,2,0,1,8,7,2,0,3,1,15,3,1,5,4,24,27,11,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,2,0,2,1,3,27,5,18,23,3,18,0,0,1,1,18,5,2,0,10,89,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126563991659168,0.13658068929225686,0.0,0.0,0.11162332970147973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517174411185596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463954450729486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382981280931508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299597551409812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174818524653794,0.08575829692453092,0.15746157277979875,0.09328663484555567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002204729901993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773033393331917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593953400907167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956717959766832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248386636436282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030928640916474,0.0,0.16207207948964544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308012595361081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849112656073095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390784056219458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131085353207407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626830049521276,0.15470347386416788,0.0,0.0,0.2638649412949315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828539943779551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32068904460651915,0.0,0.19744463404087573,0.14176743560952976,0.0,0.0,0.19363238808801145,0.130289611261123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832605544714722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114062938169879
bpd,MrSteeve,2019/01/18,"Anyone else hyperbolic as fuck? When I'm on the upside of a mood swing and I'm talking about a song or movie or game I like, I tend to go fucking crazy over it. You would think that everything I've ever liked is my favorite thing on the planet. I'll usually say something like ""this is the best fucking ______ I've ever ________"" or ""this is life changing"". i used to think I was just over-enthusiastic, but now that I'm starting to analyze my body patterns more, it feels more like I'm coming off an anxiety attack than just talking about something I like. and then I'm immediately paranoid that I ranted too much and oversold the fuck out of whatever I'm talking about. the thing is, I don't think I'm making this up, it all feels so real. the littlest things can just bring me over the edge, I was listening to The Avalanches yesterday at work and just became overwhelmed and had to go cry in the bathroom over how beautiful the vocal samples sounded. What the fuck.

and on the flipside, when I'm going through a really bad time, I'll go to the furthest extreme to describe how I feel because I just don't know how else to describe it. frequently I'll remark about how ""I am so fucked"" or ""its all over"" and legitimately feel like thats the case. i'll walk into my bedroom and it'll feel like it's the last time I'll ever see it and get very teary about every item in the room, like I've taken all of them for granted or something. 

honestly, now that I think about it, i cry all the fucking time lol.",3.98187813283208,4.8430523914473715,5.116240601503762,84.165350877193,71.13815789473685,7.764160401002506,28.94987468671679,7.957251820313856,1.7743335213032574,1173,44,242,15,21,388,146,304,0.132,0.736,0.132,-0.7346,1,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,2,25,21,8,1,21,1,13,9,1,6,7,48,52,25,0,1,11,0,5,8,0,2,1,4,2,0,21,12,0,0,10,2,0,7,2,10,0,0,4,11,19,10,35,46,9,38,0,1,1,7,8,15,7,5,24,152,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630559784557488,0.0,0.0,0.06060468180114272,0.08880805712963594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860452239043956,0.0,0.0,0.07236941529174268,0.05283584527898245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095932441208647,0.0,0.0,0.09627560156509443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168991069073996,0.07466222980993997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041528459379567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481050204805604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23520558397557,0.07302683111778976,0.0,0.0778972668603506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191256371612605,0.18576039934204286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5609029185323569,0.04528374138396705,0.0,0.1970359952760836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047633925378465766,0.07065111805884254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061220617275838836,0.3387574565722889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057855764433356285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371557912885739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865432224804906,0.055525772303875336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892687762063993,0.0,0.0,0.06906819074010746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001783186561865,0.0,0.0,0.06134851156391824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089965436069208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274764926012015,0.222149551943858,0.0,0.0,0.15162143393968402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485876143808766,0.09545948983883633,0.07151537000357612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630999184830188,0.0,0.0,0.06157093181177506,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SandcastlesInTheSnow,2019/01/18,"My boyfriend is always distant after an emotional sex night. I don't know why Hi, I'm here because my boyfriend was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago.       

We cope. We make it work. I respect him. I read books to understand what he's going through and understand it's not something he can control or can change and I respect his way of dealing with his emotions.        

There is something I don't understand, however.        

The sex it's great. Not that often and that's ok. When we have sex and we make love. The next day, he's going to ignore me or be distant. Act aloof. Like he has no interest in talking to me. Playing video games.      

We go from, having sex and spending hours in bed talking and connecting about our common interests. We laugh. Like two persons in love.        

He told me once that those emotions scares him. After 2 years I'm used to it and I just wait for him to talk to me again but I'd love to understand why he's doing that. Asking him. He doesn't know. Maybe someone can answer? ",0.4843410415491647,2.9471635329949284,1.990580936266216,93.78661966535064,91.33502538071066,4.9489753713103966,22.52472269223539,6.605766666666668,0.6796615529234811,764,30,158,10,27,246,112,197,0.026000000000000002,0.815,0.159,0.9690000000000001,1,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,7,0,0,2,7,15,0,1,3,1,14,8,0,4,0,35,34,11,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,10,15,0,3,7,5,1,4,6,2,0,1,2,0,25,13,19,31,0,20,0,0,0,7,32,3,0,3,14,91,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985568553294466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373218850787267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531070561870284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866919609263675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187625565502401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191666835969664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634434902231526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264866292553758,0.1161351769110351,0.0,0.11433538349978055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801416294231575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192061421448056,0.0,0.0,0.12419485539806732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093562247749096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381682720147776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100682788851816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050077468399152,0.0,0.1503868751218379,0.0,0.11317009128796733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980246234550035,0.10571254911815847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996647999860748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835991843418493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112678518367011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278033385180015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544631382871237,0.17344392043841045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716266685968186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764002411228077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100407610227662,0.4690823054320365,0.0,0.09729173331667676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941476622081583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032946591857231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200911053586271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508328143961144
bpd,ametsura,2019/01/18,"How do I get over the love of my life who dumped me 3 months ago? And I don't wanna hear ""get some fresh air and drink water"". I wanna know how I can trick my fucking BPD brain into stop idolizing him and that I should isolate myself for the rest of my life in order to never get hurt again.

Yes, I'm in therapy. But I need advice from people who may have been in a similar situation and not from someone who's getting paid to listen to my bullshit.

Thanks! ",4.036249999999999,4.154438458333331,5.399999999999999,84.845,70.66666666666666,8.066666666666668,25.375,7.793537801064563,1.1995749999999998,356,9,77,4,6,120,69,96,0.115,0.736,0.149,0.6671,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,3,1,7,7,1,2,1,18,20,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,5,2,1,1,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,2,13,2,15,16,2,12,0,1,0,2,7,6,1,2,5,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020886204522213,0.18332121406188134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604651632445298,0.23086410874433394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025913393429135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118899502016706,0.4321908054980505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330856121927089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139030921563324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365527642577952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921466632933801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665066540961514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650707319524345,0.0,0.0,0.15334417329971173,0.15950168692609018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337337641460027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232458828230608,0.0,0.0,0.17522621807085906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289923934513862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039935924001225,0.236500907535478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,screamingsarah,2019/01/18,"I told my ex I loved him the first time because I thought he was becoming my FP That's all. I feel like a bitch over it but... I really do love him, did love him. Just the first time I said it, it was a lie. He was never my FP. I was just.. afraid of him becoming my FP.

Needed to get off chest lmao don't have to comment or anything.",-1.6261333333333317,0.16982772000000068,1.1906666666666688,101.36866666666668,91.8,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.5912666666666659,249,6,67,3,9,86,46,75,0.047,0.716,0.23800000000000002,0.9473,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,1,4,0,8,4,1,0,2,9,17,2,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,8,2,15,4,5,9,1,7,0,0,0,3,13,2,1,1,6,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236327840022814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768157213812262,0.4626522706248802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059065325851692,0.14963439879221765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35632392937695545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094313767797533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232893124042457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5671228272177594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553079222590378,0.16154428994759315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418197181303365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992392768393693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628354576071905,0.2442693081188233,0.0,0.0,0.20014283384213288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DysfunctionalFork,2019/01/18,"I was diagnosed with BPD a few days ago. I still feel all over the place about it. Encouragement, advice or your own experience of being diagnosed would be appreciated right now <3
",5.050909090909091,7.701506818181822,6.2212121212121225,70.0518181818182,71.72727272727272,10.460606060606061,26.15151515151515,10.504223727775694,3.2848060606060603,147,5,26,5,3,49,31,33,0.0,0.821,0.179,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,4,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816283752717925,0.2554743337530297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629812533497001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586692044517408,0.0,0.0,0.5850394149938838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28191757476004103,0.0,0.0,0.1457239613886962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011105152855376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612355937151206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015907495629076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473095266808405,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,untitledoct19,2019/01/18,"found my SO is reaching out to their ex again regardless of how I feel about it it was behind my back and they kept trying regardless of how even SHE was respectful and considerate of her relationship with her boyfriend now. she was aware of her boundaries and kept in mind her boyfriend’s feelings of contacting and seeing an ex. I totally understand closure and being civil with your ex, I needed that from mine for so long. but I was *drum roll*, single. my codependency is keeping me from leaving, my logic is I’ve been through worse. I’m still hurt and betrayed.",2.6258519051042413,5.4976807009345805,3.3900934579439266,85.41721782890008,83.11214953271029,6.656793673616103,25.987778576563624,7.882392219407189,1.895296764917325,453,19,83,9,13,143,71,107,0.125,0.8240000000000001,0.051,-0.9084,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,10,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,1,26,19,11,0,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,19,1,16,10,2,7,0,1,1,0,14,2,0,0,5,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796723837347816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863644490198896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27350565848207065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965457051501862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895332923057157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24039749783578496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863783542518529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393488110969955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730877537877183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054284900121824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29037309246835163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155218033049721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159899056807673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836247568365924,0.0,0.0,0.2815586594073051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756221016616521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pleckofish,2019/01/18,"Bad hospital experiences (On mobile, sorry for any formatting mistakes)

Has anyone else had horrible experiences with going to hospitals, whether for something physical or mental?  I've been putting off going to the ER for unknown abdominal pain for over 2 weeks now, due to extreme anxiety that I'll be committed to the psych ward for old scars on my arms.  

The last times I've gone to psych wards I've been over-medicated (Trileptal 300mg, Ativan (?mg) made me have extreme ADHD symptoms despite never being diagnosed, idiot 'psychiatrist' told me I was 'imagining it' and 'manipulating them to release me early'.  I've been shoved back into what I call 'holding cells' (they're the small rooms mental patients are kept before being shipped to the next psych ward) and had the door held shut on me for having a screaming panic attack.  I don't really want to delve in further into my memories of this. 

I know I need to go to the ER for this pain, and I did but go fed up with waiting in the lobby because I thought everyone was staring at me, but I literally cannot have the idea in my head or I spiral into a horrible rage attack out of fear.  I guess all I'm really looking for is reassurance that a hospital cannot commit you with old self-harm scars on your arms.",7.4183534647171,7.0038892396694274,8.199752066115707,69.43046726001272,63.628099173553714,11.24780673871583,35.97075651621107,10.727762888450028,3.935839415130326,1004,42,177,23,13,339,149,242,0.168,0.8,0.032,-0.9838,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,1,0,2,12,4,2,12,0,20,8,3,2,4,33,38,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,6,10,1,4,4,0,0,6,4,11,2,0,15,3,21,1,38,20,1,36,0,0,2,0,7,19,0,3,11,109,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637120918153494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848167973125462,0.0,0.09953651405425984,0.0,0.0,0.09097842350962193,0.13331671403073636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296045907061664,0.0,0.10004929298345333,0.10863938425020707,0.07931601594828418,0.0,0.11071705267373226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286048804441836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206252027310675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869318006814947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432907846548713,0.0,0.2545520488220933,0.0,0.1464139240022326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957861289279041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333475085104885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335340460175519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688236702724972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150700750690311,0.1060599140059255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092626169396872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311659251673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452682849772222,0.0,0.2622477224327549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647755296642956,0.10035159548299356,0.0,0.13837724270458332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730645787225125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768999941283152,0.15266022320530265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080006118914764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670815119321544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573681541658686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016777203178162,0.0,0.1456514731698369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523780407198374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329562948384573,0.07587026073531633,0.0,0.0,0.12432907846548713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674434633969851,0.0,0.1043692461379646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teeramarie,2019/01/18,"Does anyone else feel that they don’t truly care for other people? Maybe I’m overthinking, but I’m starting to realize that I just use others to validate my existence rather than actually care for them as real people. I only talk to my best friend or my family when I need something from them, but don’t really want to talk to or do anything for them out of goodwill. I feel like I’m just selfish at heart and only seek the minimal amount of affirmation in order to survive. ",5.443758865248221,6.080256638297875,6.8391489361702105,73.93333333333334,67.72340425531915,10.09645390070922,29.49645390070922,10.125756701596842,2.9905304964539017,380,13,69,9,6,130,62,94,0.039,0.71,0.251,0.9709,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,2,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,16,14,7,0,3,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,11,5,17,14,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.188412601728544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500199406922073,0.1978273698598656,0.15888364412880307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202619497535078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937040999047049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896056384950428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128874830825296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201320526438836,0.0,0.1952482685448299,0.1379322718144507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916867475187587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879389768048344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432631849536033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939690196503102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431620985607577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936833114242802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677067279907427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976074836487275,0.12368829866730426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486379785898516,0.0,0.0,0.13665893703531407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31037151258477136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667541478206947,0.0,0.0,0.11388018597950812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spraytan1974,2019/01/18,What would you like to hear from your non-BPD friends? what are some ways they can make you feel validated and loved?,3.364782608695652,5.4014387391304375,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,74.65217391304348,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,-0.11089565217391327,93,2,22,1,2,26,21,23,0.0,0.605,0.395,0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000945433340565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007700322013611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067745476727968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475256550059955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398787136902168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583703022633666,0.0,0.2650466608745327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151749140409237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820664465066827,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,journey1992,2019/01/18,"Feeling unworthy of love, attention, support and care when I don’t look pretty (no makeup) Feeling unworthy of love, attention, support and care when I don’t look pretty (no makeup)

I was going to meet with a lawyer (who over the phone seems very dominant and alpha) today for the first time and I almost decided not to meet with him because I thought I looked bad. In my mind, he won’t want to support or care for me if I do not look attractive. Plus the fact that i am a woman of color (half black), I feel like I especially have to look my best to prevent racial bias and prejudice against me. Now that I put on makeup, I feel more confident in meeting with him and that he will more likely want to support me. In the past, I also felt I had to sexualize myself and flirt with men in order to receive their love, support, and care.

It’s sad I feel this way. It’s sad I feel love is so conditional. It was taught to me and I know where this comes from (covert sexual abuse and emotional incest from my dad), my dad treated me better when I looked attractive and also sexualized me. He even told me I needed to wear makeup. I also know society tends to sexualize women and value them more when they are more attractive.

But yeah, anyone else relate? How have you dealt with this issue?",3.5374803149606318,5.111104677165353,4.925992125984255,82.36575984251971,73.09448818897637,8.072125984251969,25.298425196850395,8.697196308434329,1.7937155905511808,1004,32,197,19,20,335,132,254,0.107,0.637,0.256,0.9908,0,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,1,3,3,12,26,1,0,6,1,13,6,1,1,1,46,51,25,0,4,5,2,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,10,19,0,1,14,0,0,4,7,4,0,2,7,15,38,22,31,42,5,22,0,2,8,5,25,7,0,4,11,136,48,2,0.0,0.10315832547821284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718347521059512,0.0,0.0,0.208878635385463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087818953597029,0.08920884614160803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269601703700365,0.053074292407660914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913698220509162,0.07700231841803128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35507613025031165,0.0,0.0,0.07499917898194447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727320144952427,0.09793691662033176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057505910974828225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641374562130005,0.06219957745469746,0.08359648915093346,0.0,0.0,0.07405783036232168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948130371010293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087371325269457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569779269026132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507156557474976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386783182199397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31431988457716986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791128857411275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455793064864153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311382713111792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715373383166008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752482851659088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926111901579055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940042249153679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912024485992384,0.05076856616117974,0.0,0.08252786972495607,0.0831947720313482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183811745927952,0.1027069206532952,0.06910850451145857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deathschedule,2019/01/18,"How do you cope with being ghosted? I went out with a guy I met on Tinder yesterday. We were texting for a few days, it was going well so I asked to hang out. We went to an art museum then got coffee then went home. The date only lasted for about three hours. 

Some things I noticed: he didn’t pay for my coffee, and I don’t know if that’s a bad sign, or if he was trying to let me be an independent woman (lol). He was on his phone texting a bit when we were talking. 

At the end of the date, he said “it was nice meeting you and I’ll talk to you soon”. He didn’t text me last night, so I texted him this morning and said I had a nice time and sent him a picture of one of the artworks we saw. 

It’s been a couple hours and he hasn’t responded. I have a horrible feeling that he’s never gonna talk to me again and I could use some advice on how to cope with this, seeing as this disorder gives me a crippling fear of abandonment. This is only one of the first couple of dates I’ve been on since I got out of a long term relationship about a year ago. Any advice will help. Thanks. ",1.3694871220604696,2.549145612765958,3.293258678611424,93.48105263157896,77.97872340425532,6.309070548712207,20.02799552071669,6.8360192770164,0.062191489361702164,829,18,200,8,19,280,130,235,0.081,0.8540000000000001,0.066,-0.6514,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,4,3,0,1,10,7,0,1,18,1,21,0,0,4,1,31,40,17,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,10,16,0,1,2,2,1,6,5,3,1,4,21,5,25,4,30,13,5,37,0,1,2,0,33,8,0,5,23,131,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449651902298797,0.11110797821111963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523674915920493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717770022639412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046552006276438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684082571398312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000752598519636,0.2773767232035751,0.0,0.0808351173427628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365260741805005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110156665560637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104441678207544,0.06337660025944303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661570482838988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023931392424385,0.07123465601234047,0.0,0.20049463882581706,0.0,0.0,0.12410812753116315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401399306658043,0.0,0.12572808498039115,0.0,0.24687292785145395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888459713359532,0.20434065703607165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817052327530354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092358386772913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667135386545443,0.0,0.0,0.11762482568092887,0.0,0.0,0.14270251527259498,0.0,0.0,0.16986974892275092,0.19065623444166496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457022797699367,0.0,0.0,0.2384575851177941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988121818802463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368406505686256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022350686887759,0.0,0.11539792579984462,0.0,0.0,0.08327154879995517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308783470862723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509888151021949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108255105633469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269736685117886,0.3485794234784284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071603528109454
bpd,Zephandrypus,2019/01/18,"While more prone to it, I feel like I can deal with addiction and related issues better than most, because I'm used to distrusting my feelings and opinions. I mean, I literally yell at people to block me and cut me out of their lives, despite that being the opposite of what I want. I'm *used* to putting my self-control into other people's hands. I have no trouble dropping my ego and seeing myself in the wrong, because I do it compulsively on the daily, even when I'm not in the wrong. ",6.915773195876287,5.951014391752576,7.6687835051546385,74.63472164948455,64.87628865979381,10.234226804123713,34.8639175257732,9.3871,3.110329484536082,384,15,73,6,5,129,67,97,0.19,0.743,0.066,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,2,7,2,0,4,0,4,2,1,2,0,17,14,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,5,14,2,14,13,2,10,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,2,3,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340628388808476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249849463290028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124582595524102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984882297419465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127603985031893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353557470225554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072396970229024,0.1464035631841935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389591319431672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011949305340916,0.0,0.18095883590702044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232311805419013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841482877839489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601340533619128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330438451122545,0.0,0.2137889181337875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539911450097019,0.0,0.0,0.12087428695372147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481222529563381,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lurkerwithaquestio,2019/01/18,"How Do I Help My Girlfriend Stay Occupied? Hi /r/BPD! This is a throwaway because my girlfriend knows my username. 

​

Anyway, my girlfriend has been diagnosed with BPD and ADHD for many years. Despite her hard time with relationships, we have been together happily for 4 years now. She has attachment issues, and when i'm not home (I go to college in the day and work in the evenings most nights) she has a very hard time...doing things.

​

She usually has a list of things, either written or in her head, of what she wants to do during the time I'm away, like video games, reading, drawing or cleaning, but soon after I leave, she complains of being lonely, or sad, or bored, and in many cases recently, telling me she just wants to die. On the contrary, if I *am* home, she's usually good at doing the things she says she wants to do. It's just when I leave, it's like she becomes incapable of having any fun.

​

Her mood changes significantly when I leave home, and I know her ADHD makes her feel overwhelmed (So much to do; can't choose; just do nothing), and I also know that if she *actually* did one of those things, she'd be happier and more productive, and wouldn't feel like dying. She also in the past would just turn to various drugs to cope with boredom, which would just make her lazy and not want to do anything anyway, but we're working on keeping her clean for that.

​

So basically I'm asking for some help on how to convince her to do the things she tells me she wants, and how I can get through to her to help her stick to her planned routines and do things even when she's alone.

​

Thanks for reading all this, and Thank you in advance for any wisdom you can share with me!",6.490408834586468,6.343002223214286,6.127080200501252,82.63195488721807,65.45833333333334,8.978446115288223,32.86278195488722,8.371475516178862,2.334478571428571,1361,51,271,16,19,422,167,336,0.09699999999999999,0.746,0.158,0.9705,0,3,1,0,0,0,73.0,1,2,0,4,22,16,0,1,10,0,29,3,1,5,1,56,52,31,2,10,16,0,4,3,3,3,2,1,5,0,15,17,0,1,6,4,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,5,46,10,41,42,7,31,0,3,0,0,45,11,0,8,20,192,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.06340747279964337,0.0,0.15617771479277112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729582650292043,0.0,0.1039230094806503,0.0,0.3520088415175268,0.3947664390061678,0.08837219213039761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346993911755455,0.0,0.060744047256327975,0.0,0.06104735054079706,0.0,0.0,0.03960893498907845,0.0717611923273733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636706909791913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873628485600469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190432290745347,0.0,0.0,0.0659495527788735,0.1348702328885477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535185199038741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583243547721524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570791530584869,0.04641906482385151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03394742260806195,0.0,0.036927515241737166,0.05449901784324519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164119619780017,0.0,0.06668440521503831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306566852353956,0.0,0.19552950913205133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781835116698769,0.0,0.057753899920016435,0.0,0.0,0.10712778665476104,0.0,0.0,0.20640148453648133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523237967228207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867443380562636,0.13175149162506095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776503940044469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060975833762525765,0.0,0.06234648959990099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402960646969545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062027208017092085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998771975264722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415623412209569,0.06976020413215173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051671742928698965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692560652451115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135842589908855,0.11964285089270013,0.0,0.0,0.25900410499468396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366456783566872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067553028652952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312437729168398,0.05361223287400184,0.19162345641077286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460700612673817,0.0,0.0,0.09231456495008301,0.0,0.3947664390061678,0.08368518330681225
bpd,mashedpotatoesnbeans,2019/01/18,"Sick of feeling like I'm not here I feel like I'm perpetually stuck in my own head, I feel exhausted all the time, too tired to be the lively interesting person I tell myself I have the potential to be. Just this zombie walking around going through the motions, trying to take steps to stop my life from falling apart but feeling more and more confused about what the point of that is. I feel like I'm not really real and like I'm not really here and I need it to stop. People talk to me and i feel like they can see through me and they can sense im not part of life, im not like them. I'm not on the level of conciousness  everyone else seems to reach without even trying. ",1.8189725274725248,3.753240578571433,3.4442857142857166,89.54994505494507,78.92857142857143,6.593406593406595,21.48351648351648,7.61054688173877,0.7349010989010996,531,15,115,8,13,176,78,140,0.114,0.722,0.165,0.7659999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,0,7,9,0,1,6,0,6,6,1,0,1,28,23,6,0,1,9,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,7,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,7,15,7,19,20,5,14,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,2,9,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994261784958958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125537120675051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889911243481886,0.0,0.0,0.12874496164753652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40875605328910375,0.3850185302932541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657294314150995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382768684957512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910736043601029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033447524884656,0.3949479701593536,0.0,0.11897337661932905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999042139603659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590475640856682,0.0,0.09340820825026568,0.11764530926948373,0.0,0.0,0.1273680215274211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335780241735356,0.17262924165934496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736626340824064,0.12265758386817488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225288802690408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130386956443917,0.10829480118060683,0.11776423282941773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856499806091942,0.15485793613169546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829522926076676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298796262526937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thechocolateitburns,2019/01/18,Has anybody ever had a razor blade cut get infected? Have you ever self-harmed with razor blades and had it get infected? Did you have to go to the doctor for treatment? How did that go?,1.7804054054054037,4.202145351351351,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,81.97297297297297,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.6451135135135138,146,4,28,2,4,48,27,37,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,2,5,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,21,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666596333994371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480721045173818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743167455859793,0.0,0.40717634111583695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737079900018771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notmyrealacct83,2019/01/18,"It's been 2 days since my ex and I broke up and I still feel betrayed and hurt Things had been Rocky for a while and I was telling him that I wasn't happy and that I wasn't sure if we were right for each other because it was true but we kept trying to work on things because he has bipolar disorder type one and we thought well what better person to be with than someone who understands mental illness.

I sent him a couple of articles on BPD since I was diagnosed years ago and instead of taking the information and trying to understand me better he used it to tear me down for an hour and a half and basically call me crazy. This from someone who deals with his own mental health issues.

I don't understand why I miss him a little bit even though he abused me. He would Gaslight me constantly and he was verbally and emotionally abusive. It was like no matter what I said I was wrong. If I had a difference of opinion or tried to call him out on his behavior I was wrong. Every fight he would say do you see where you were wrong? But I knew that he was gaslighting me and I was not going to let him do it.

I'm very capable and willing to say okay this is where I was wrong if I'm arguing with somebody and realize that I was wrong but according to him I was always in the wrong. In a way I'm glad he's gone and I'm glad to be done with him but in a way I miss him.

Things finally came to a head the other day when he basically tried to force me into getting a payday loan in order to pay his mom's electric bill when I have my own bills to pay. I told him that I did not want to do that so we were sitting at the bus stop and I was waiting on the bus to go home and he was still trying to verbally abuse me even in front of strangers so finally I said I don't care what you think. Please leave me alone. Finally he jumped up and said fine, fuck you bitch oh, you're on your own. This is after weeks of me telling him to get out of my face into move when I wanted to leave his house.

He would frequently try to keep me from leaving when we were fighting which I've been told is it legal and called false imprisonment but the minute he finally gets tired of me standing up to him he leaves me in a bad neighborhood where I could have been attacked or even shot. That right there shows me how much he really loves and cares about me because if he did he wouldn't have done that no matter how mad he was.

I just need to learn to stop picking other broken people. Or at least people who won't abuse me. Even his family told me that I was the first person that he had ever been with who had the courage to stand up to him and not take his abuse. I guess he didn't like that. Well fuck him, let him go lie to his therapist about what a saint he is. I'm sure he sees right through him. 

So for now I'm just going to work on managing my symptoms and getting better. The last thing we need is people like that in our lives making our already fucked-up thoughts and emotions even worse and then trying to use them against us. And no I'm not saying that to pick anybody out I just know how the disorder goes. Trust me I've had plenty of internal battles with myself all day long LOL. If anyone else out there can relate to this feel free to p.m. me.",3.1991228070175453,3.9746226111111116,4.199956140350878,90.33177631578948,72.8888888888889,7.571345029239764,24.191520467836256,7.793537801064563,0.9294713450292388,2542,68,580,32,48,825,281,684,0.205,0.693,0.102,-0.9979,0,1,0,0,7,0,35.0,9,5,1,6,33,42,9,0,22,2,63,11,2,8,5,110,119,52,0,14,20,2,2,3,0,6,6,6,1,2,39,46,0,5,13,1,6,10,14,20,2,3,50,10,92,23,82,58,8,78,1,4,2,3,88,33,3,10,32,387,131,8,0.0,0.3103562078394847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643882212482881,0.0,0.0,0.0542581931837502,0.05781148689761121,0.0,0.04359103246106032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03663092427475969,0.05367772124236922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059598939974385486,0.0,0.0,0.043741811565958535,0.0958057590546164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899884916675592,0.05719415353478536,0.0,0.06598088195916174,0.0,0.16048208868385114,0.05991794281920621,0.10682616334449907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661284246654035,0.0,0.04182757409671102,0.05796635182193231,0.0,0.10135782405978133,0.054009752115994965,0.0,0.05317274132746942,0.0,0.054734334576162884,0.12008242776191665,0.0,0.0,0.1072222740197904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043763471542657736,0.11785895092373327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300897795468842,0.04738796673541967,0.044139169470088405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938676635863255,0.0,0.05297791776450679,0.0,0.0,0.22955407716264345,0.0,0.044561226222936935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686376753941077,0.1094823206534926,0.0,0.11909328467465095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771131441743463,0.0,0.0,0.05576802541272045,0.0,0.0,0.05376522629295608,0.055686019451349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052549459260301926,0.0,0.05159165061101798,0.06044874563457295,0.05608246291864062,0.0,0.0,0.05467948593902983,0.0,0.046564882576176365,0.0,0.0,0.028791087777235606,0.04270323147694128,0.0,0.22188541158952327,0.0,0.10714060732377492,0.0,0.07678242652065043,0.05250656260585962,0.04625958474733512,0.04636175244674265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728223678200258,0.0,0.03496941263994308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558961225181557,0.0,0.0,0.06135622022969962,0.0,0.05568017843366728,0.03851122528536445,0.07769011158021734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03549948069266316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089577781626451,0.09148640324282366,0.0,0.05750631822808856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03356110947392938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421725806827173,0.14949902191398012,0.12498317751598273,0.0,0.0,0.08349294442621198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667182918594299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877640500299418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367428684748315,0.0875974672386445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875018475886484,0.054451215672270896,0.07877854815104576,0.0,0.09157888367257264,0.0,0.0,0.06082653335797065,0.1392171005193616,0.03356813027097611,0.05147096732693168,0.08318047808634997,0.0,0.06021232668887476,0.0,0.15017700514248578,0.0,0.2489762049108751,0.0,0.0,0.16361334079977885,0.06301634218085568,0.09049286424895266,0.0,0.043225606095551226,0.061799627446569486,0.08316634955135678,0.04202251263992498,0.0,0.09420624976532432,0.0,0.04727204298116189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627821042866655,0.0,0.053387871815707776,0.11164484691747023,0.3436684796389581,0.0,0.033736169673772555
bpd,princeandbash,2019/01/18,Hard to hear the truth My partner says I have a hard time hearing and facing the truth about myself. I feel differently but I'm now questioning it...anyone have someone tell you this or has anyone admittedly been this way in the past? ,3.767666666666667,6.003263044444449,4.530833333333334,82.61625000000002,74.1111111111111,7.166666666666668,24.583333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.4820000000000002,187,6,35,3,4,60,36,45,0.095,0.8270000000000001,0.078,0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,4,1,1,0,2,8,9,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,3,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407355207362594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545654029102962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231982181340302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365302480962965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5492290125321762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325942458519725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729469905210228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376255134756215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644629631029648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296335838105246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207595495051467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340031669390104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helgefylla,2019/01/18,"Getting things off my chest Ok so hi there. New here, been living with diagnosed BPD for 6 years now. Recently I had a pretty bad falling out with my boyfriend about my past behavior, especially on the internet. I used to act a lot on the internet to get attention and it worked and I fed my self esteem out of that.

Anyway, the thing is, I really love this man that I’m with and I finally feel like I’m changing because of him, but he doesn’t feel comfortable with me anymore, at least it seems. We spent basically three days straight fighting and he told me multiple times he didn’t trust me and that he hated me... I know he meant it then, and might not mean it now, but how long until I prove yet again that I’m unable to have a relationship with anyone?

I don’t have any friends, I only have him and I feel like I ruined that again. I constantly feel like I shouldn’t be alive being a burden on everyone, hurting people and being shallow... but I just want to have a happy life, I can’t seem to do it.

TL;DR: my attention-seeking behavior in the past may have irreparably ruined the only valuable relationship I have and I feel like shit no matter what.

Sorry, I just wanted to vent. ",1.932955182072828,4.19149310084034,3.696827731092437,86.22084383753504,80.17647058823529,7.159943977591037,22.941876750700285,8.212053250817874,1.4341591036414565,930,31,188,19,24,311,137,238,0.142,0.674,0.184,0.8441,0,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,1,0,0,1,13,19,3,0,10,1,20,6,2,2,1,44,43,16,0,3,6,0,5,4,1,3,2,0,0,2,14,17,1,0,12,0,1,2,7,8,0,1,7,5,30,11,24,30,2,28,0,3,0,1,17,9,1,5,21,128,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296662243430084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209947743687241,0.08530774433664441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018678985520888,0.07437225387403898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365924613474444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906361731459368,0.0,0.0,0.13184253433195775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868222012412521,0.0,0.0,0.1238310720422586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657965515551777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084433954111553,0.3486375460109565,0.0,0.13364896541471175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425966821085892,0.0,0.12748367676496392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298750863719246,0.0,0.12045328309102525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306073625810557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704998041686502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617474115011922,0.2384191587064471,0.0,0.107731402001892,0.1079693347364074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037230862690641,0.11011300006544053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289767216823425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294265251051611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178318239990876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855784503010803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329324564276717,0.08458192512669199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412150845142855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815862152921021,0.0,0.12046382294920155,0.2619723864553158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221349658514492,0.12727634861032558,0.0,0.12523492820254806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365730263958022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210752326795522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114127235759805,0.0,0.0,0.11657965515551777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537192659590576,0.0,0.0,0.14392175252712508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882006395603209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856630959789578
bpd,BPDLovedoneAnon,2019/01/18,"I am trying to learn/cope/deal am i doing it right?  

Hey guys, I am new to this never even made a post reddit before.So i met a girl online in a video game. She seemed really nice very caring cute, Quite sexual and promiscuous , we hit it off very well. Although we said we wanted things to go slow. and she spoke of having many small relationships with men online I still fell fast for her. it was a emotional intense hot mess and i loved every minute of it. We would spend literally everyday together, When i wasnt at work i was gaming with her or watching anime with her. We continued to blossom, Started to say we truly loved eachother on a deeper level that neither of us ever felt before. I forgot about all her exes that started the same as me and i just lived in the moment. It was perfect. She is perfect. She told me a few years ago she was diagnosed with BPD and Compulsive lieing, I thought small of it. Didnt even research much even when my friends said woah watch out dude this shit sounds serious.

Weeks passed we planned for me to go up there (She lives in a different state) I learned that she had a drug problem she would smoke weed and do ice here and there, I am pretty against drugs. but i thought if she does it casually its probably ok for now. maybe i can get her to get off ice for me or something. Still head over heels in love. I learned that a lot of her friends she had (most are guys) were actually just exes she would still game with here and there. i thought it was a bit weird that she would still speak to like 3 or 4 exes but i wasn't going to make a big deal of it. She said oh a lot of people cant handle it , i just don't have many friends and i met them gaming so they are cool to game with still. She still fascinated me although i could see what my friends meant, they were begging me to stay away. but i was just drawn in. it was electrifying hearing her call me baby. saying ""do you love me"" ""do you think im pretty"" I love complimenting her cause she reacts so nicely to it.

It was getting closer to meeting me, and everything was still going fine, she would hang with 2 of her exes a few nights but would then call and say she was a good girl and nothing would ever happen again with them they just got high etc etc. But i was starting to learn, that everyday she would drink ALOT of alchohol. and when she was drunk. she would be so flippy. ""DONT LEAVE ME , I LOVE YOU I DID ICE IM SORRY PLEASE I WANT TO DIE IM SORRY I LOVE YOU PLEASE"" I would calm her down to the best of my ability. One night we were on webcam, and she was so upset with herself / drunk she just punched herself in the face til she bled. she definitely regretted it the next day, i was a bit in shock. but she apologized and said it just happens when she drinks sometimes not a big deal. At this point i obviously realized there were some serious underlying issues. i spoke to her about her childhood that she was touched and no one had her back parents just let it happen. It was sad. This girl never had anyone have her back. she has literally been left to her demons alone i thought. Everyday I would make sure she would feel like the luckiest girl in the world and she wouldnt really ever be rude to me unless she was drunk and would just say ""fuck off"" ""IM SORRY"" it was never full on. It was ok.

It was go time, I was flying to her. we had a hotel for the weekend a nice dinner planned it was going to be perfect i was so excited to meet and spend the rest of my life with this girl who made me feel like ive never felt before. (i had a gf that i left to go on this journey) I broke up with my gf of 5 months cause it wasnt fair when i had this strong intense love for this woman. I flew there. she was drinking cause she was nervous. when i got there she was wasted. she pulled me into the room, and to not get R18+ but she was such an intense lover. yes no harder stop . alot of other things i was drawn back by. But she was so happy to meet me ""you are real"" she repeated 20 times. Saturday morning she asked me to read one of her messages for her. I said it was all locked . so she gave me her passcode and i mean of course i looked. how could i not. And i saw... These 3-4 guys saying ""great sex lets do it again your great bla bla"" my heart dropped. she promised she was good and all mine. I confronted her but she didnt get upset or feel bad. she just laughed about it and said well we didnt meet in person yet now its different you are real. I understand now it is one of her coping mechanisms to just go get fucked but at this point i was really hurt i didnt understand. i held it in and just told her i had a gf before this too so i guess we are even, trying to just null and void it so i could enjoy this weekend with the girl who has made me so happy.

The rest of the weekend was great. i was a bit over the top and wanted to read all the guys messages. she let me but she felt uncomfortable i also made her tell them she had a bf now. but looking back this was a stupid move. and just made her feel uncomfortable. I started to freak out thinking im just gonna be one of these guys she pulls on for affection when she feels like , and then if any were to leave she has back up . i got a bit needy and protective for a day and she did not like that so she went and spent the whole day gaming with her ex just completely ignoring me. It really hurt my heart. but i stopped the way i was acting and instead started studying BPD. I spent hours and hours blogs videos youtube . Everything learning what her illness was and if it was me that was being fucked over or if it was her that was just crying for help. These exes would just tell her shes worth nothing fuck her and say no one could ever love you and she would just accept it do more drugs alchohol and more sex to cope with it. Now after studying and reading alot of shit (And finding you guys here) We are boyfriend and girlfriend its been 2 weeks since that stuff happened. I feel like i am semi attuned to what shes like i tell her i put alot of effort into understanding her , and she appreciates it. she now comes to me and tells me that she went and had sex with bla bla but it was shit and didnt mean anything instead of lieing making up some shit. So i guess thats progress.

I have accepted that i love her with all my heart and i wan't her to start studying and move down to my state away from all the people that are leading her into bad situations using her for her weaknesses and are leading her to have bad coping mechanisms. i have been trying to learn some DBT to get me through.

But then tonight was the first night she got really drunk on webcam. and just let it rip. said i was nothing but a piece of shit, she never loved me its all a game to her i dont deserve her. she had better guys with money, that i should just kill myself. that she will never trust me cause i had a gf at the start and im a cunt bla bla. Like she let it rip on me for a solid hour. I sat there and kinda just shrugged it off (started to get hard when she said our relationship wasnt real and when she gets bored she will leave me that one hurt) But i just kept saying to myself this isnt her this is her acting out. and if i can handle her like this at her worst then i can do this. I love her no matter what it feels right to take care of her. even if she starts being very abusive like that. I want to get her off drugs less alchohol and eventualy not fucking random guys. but i wont try to force her off shit when we been together like 1 and a half months. I am suprising her for vtines day and im booking her tickets to fly down for valentines day, when shes nice and in a good mood she is the most affectionate romantic person ever.

I realise now these exes are caught up guys who love her and she leads them on a bit. cause she has been using them to cope with not being lonely. i kind of feel bad for them . cause she will only spend time or talk to them when she doesent have me or shes angry. but i hope eventually she will get over needing these back ups that she leads on. She gets me to game with them and i be myself and I think they dont like me cause they know me and her are a thing, but she never says it cause i think she wants to keep them keen. she doesent want to commit to me completely yet?

Weirdly. her coping having one night stands. talking to exes who have no chance, dont phase me. its something i hope i can eventually cut out if i can help her and make her happy. She says she loves me so i think i believe it? but it kinda fucks with my head that they probably think she loves them too. am i just one of them? maybe not yet but i could be if im not careful .

anyway i guess this was kind of a vent, But more i wanted to know what techniques can i use to deal with the anger and abuse. i dont want to just hang up or avoid her cause she will just go fuck some dude. I want to help her i really do. im commited to love her. She spends all her time with me when shes not drunk high or fucking a dude. like i truly believe she does love me. i think shes scared of me hurting her but she will never say it. I just wish i could have tips.

TL;DR new girl has BPD and i am trying to learn how to cope/deal with it. pls help",1.48092372901284,3.2512878360062127,2.7703310621737276,94.76252100185772,79.33109156751162,5.841707426045242,19.77757430748248,6.731878993675956,0.009787661665804135,7149,170,1651,70,176,2306,535,1933,0.133,0.684,0.183,0.9988,3,4,10,0,1,2,175.0,15,9,17,18,112,132,21,5,63,4,188,59,13,29,28,353,349,143,2,46,78,2,14,13,11,25,8,23,1,20,107,108,9,9,41,29,8,30,42,50,2,11,121,44,351,81,191,182,43,218,1,8,6,29,306,73,15,38,121,1180,458,16,0.0,0.05445386622242582,0.02242466336904239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0203699277123879,0.0,0.0,0.023799817101020932,0.0,0.018376686540284973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0156268383852041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016067790813235682,0.0,0.01891015888400296,0.0,0.021482717276882533,0.0,0.04317996680848638,0.1060188371257217,0.07674764335860107,0.0,0.0,0.05866154984422368,0.051780022891905225,0.02411555268885332,0.020323487835393825,0.12543823462437656,0.0,0.08682557401832543,0.0,0.04692924864797947,0.0,0.0702873520113171,0.21245635772383134,0.0,0.01979479232598206,0.04818710744318487,0.0,0.0,0.11008349761037696,0.0,0.02524188618409806,0.07409933667255234,0.07107252268863587,0.0,0.023323694433906698,0.02384907833014157,0.04801734357969364,0.0,0.0,0.04021900586487917,0.0,0.13465893143041502,0.06753344328460495,0.1065956323764948,0.0,0.0,0.025848828638686868,0.0,0.0,0.051256402174159166,0.07588866843043572,0.10393130280552952,0.019361207934467058,0.0,0.04130496033101224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295294805841828,0.06566619716069061,0.0661917302717,0.0,0.0210028337678983,0.019546338933762,0.0,0.0,0.07101557509059593,0.16995331513134215,0.14406999502494414,0.0,0.11753794239221214,0.0578223074560897,0.07351517623411284,0.07600489285733605,0.07594348321605067,0.2047797344825544,0.08128273382166026,0.07338627000052803,0.020585105699884736,0.0,0.04716716414915876,0.0,0.02589955066280797,0.0816924041593768,0.061610659941754936,0.048558176945622734,0.0,0.04564762893522474,0.06789049412263169,0.0,0.09840005954626446,0.0,0.2233960922590228,0.023984612980376588,0.0,0.020425222876301368,0.025423396410427245,0.047859196690054485,0.025257848926781592,0.0,0.0,0.07299587265094777,0.04993455724873845,0.11749040600018655,0.01623109044731909,0.1459460086852993,0.0,0.04058261403682285,0.0,0.038593961182629664,0.0,0.0,0.03907267424860565,0.3525780138563361,0.1087187257090676,0.06135594100173835,0.046595183778998,0.04617196439915632,0.05006279353814541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036684012753341495,0.04884711359206738,0.016892566160909082,0.01703899759346245,0.14178556908712805,0.044387461276386535,0.02443894390909553,0.08625876322760621,0.0,0.06614830932958167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401434489948472,0.017476934492108874,0.0,0.0,0.02551599960914489,0.0,0.0,0.031862164216963466,0.040129601386386535,0.0,0.05044914972920653,0.04344608352858419,0.0,0.02200799533764853,0.046756796788591945,0.049551544756995115,0.02198826452102826,0.0,0.023100730266263383,0.0,0.024441511813337327,0.06895711330681509,0.07846705727642182,0.08832748239313769,0.0,0.0,0.049342735963070296,0.0,0.039248710733971,0.17487002642026042,0.18274209485199475,0.023006474149959176,0.0,0.01831167506665769,0.020919660878157574,0.0,0.0,0.14152867206955974,0.01900886816715961,0.02582990490978033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0353814617828441,0.022727299099846148,0.07717095918742879,0.14638498530066366,0.024493074409279985,0.12846012964337086,0.03842375826507969,0.0,0.0,0.026306013516309432,0.0,0.0,0.02165789347236208,0.0,0.017277713534703348,0.0369400805742368,0.08034033401523802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579964796939965,0.10307028667851402,0.0,0.07297257975864567,0.05359809200526682,0.0,0.0,0.04391576700764736,0.0,0.07800781243064465,0.0,0.0,0.07176736558724826,0.02764149210056785,0.059540693074099774,0.0,0.056881447323774786,0.12198506524560004,0.0182400462689445,0.0368655149119519,0.0,0.04132263502757587,0.042604427228375936,0.0,0.025655775318361832,0.02642527466722656,0.0,0.0,0.016729339390711112,0.0,0.0,0.24485951162331146,0.0,0.0,0.014798035482045146
bpd,Caztoo,2019/01/18,"She said she cheated because she didnt want to feel anymore Dating a girl with BPD for 3 months and already talking about marriage. Shes amazing and i want to purpose after 6, everyday she tells me how amazing i am and that she never thought shed get a good guy like me. Long story short shes talking to a guy at work and talks to me about being polyamorous so that i can experience other girls before were married and never mentions this guy even after i asked her if she was interested in anyone. She then went on to say that if i met someone married them instead that she would be happy and better be invited to the wedding. I tell her i dont want to be poly and she gets upset and says we need a break. Comes back that night and tells me about the guy then when i ask what happens if we dont get back together she says shes going to sleep with him then kill herself, i ended up taking her back. She gets really drunk one night and were talking on the phone, i ask her why she did it. She had talked to me the DAY BEFORE about me proposing and how she felt like i wasnt fully commited until i did that. She tells me its because she didnt want to feel anymore. Can anyone relate/explain?",4.7484146341463385,4.838915060975612,5.484048780487806,84.95485365853659,69.12195121951221,7.69821138211382,29.00162601626016,7.0316486544052195,1.4600474796747969,939,31,195,7,15,306,125,246,0.07400000000000001,0.826,0.1,0.8631,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,1,2,13,11,2,1,8,0,22,2,1,2,3,34,45,22,1,9,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,0,6,11,16,1,0,4,1,0,3,7,3,0,1,14,7,47,8,25,26,0,30,0,0,0,0,55,6,0,3,22,139,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163237389988868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267283054158287,0.12879405087035453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582974424380504,0.0,0.0,0.21245290750764245,0.0,0.11228410648154144,0.0,0.15673713792994312,0.0,0.0,0.0814531492399866,0.0,0.0,0.1159941393203473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793342258258849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939555628893814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587621430209447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157144430093435,0.0,0.0,0.060829824933131216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008946368937222,0.0,0.0,0.09313497776343113,0.0,0.08842847133230505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924695029517228,0.0,0.05234138527891824,0.07724738779694143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647657858123656,0.08144190975280872,0.09803997638812324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189273213230148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998880902807709,0.0,0.0,0.08150378432000031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351170206906553,0.0,0.0,0.06828946021081304,0.1420632276859687,0.0,0.0,0.17285536742858806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240795192482242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059000302700922685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760623714648598,0.21971995031017585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216445833295482,0.0,0.07803429102880477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924619388494138,0.37012420312895256,0.32199065778153857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311548191984604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172870196072781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537571890769427,0.08310407161438313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704840178588242,0.0,0.0,0.06542373863062972,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_ponyboyy,2019/01/18,What’s the most intense “crazy”thing you’ve done during an episode? Most episodes I black out and don’t even know what happens. Sometimes I realized I smashed my phone sometimes I realized I trashed my room it all depends 🤷🏻‍♀️,1.6833333333333336,4.426946111111113,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,87.88888888888891,4.777777777777779,34.16666666666667,6.42735559955562,2.0816666666666666,185,12,36,2,6,56,36,45,0.0,0.9540000000000001,0.046,0.1513,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40200298572449217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594614834678491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34737957480803683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588990449071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7770407442408902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,geo247,2019/01/18,"Cutting ties with FP - how to not reach out to them after going no contact? So I cut ties with my FP, there were all the standard emotions and some romantic feelings thrown in - some of which were reciprocated.

However FP is also mentally unwell and makes attempts very often - and doesn't seem to reciprocate all the feelings I have for her, or at least not to the same intensity.

I've cut contact with her and she's respected my desire not to talk.

But I can't stop thinking about her...",5.694290780141841,6.3930146702127635,6.462553191489363,76.63333333333334,67.19148936170212,9.245390070921985,32.687943262411345,9.2995712137729,2.8884028368794317,385,16,72,7,6,127,65,94,0.098,0.7959999999999999,0.106,0.4268,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,4,3,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,2,28,12,9,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,2,10,1,15,10,6,6,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,5,2,56,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28314789254290945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982786199080202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580546374708898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122489080709055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363430065526913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568170657779685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223300281787803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960165357472218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845862865982754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268723502531158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921430168093766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_Morrissey_,2019/01/18,"What impulsive actions did you make that had the worst consequences? You know that frame of mind you get in when it all becomes too much? It's almost like your drowning so you react to still breathe but usually end up looking like a bull in a china shop, wrecking everything good around you because hey! It can't get worse than this, right?! But it does so at this point I usually just convince myself I'll sort it all out with some edgy suicide plan but eventually I become level headed again and cry at the damage i have caused. I am back to square one. ",3.681610601427117,5.545331513761468,4.072782874617737,87.4339653414883,73.3119266055046,7.046279306829766,25.87257900101937,7.793537801064563,1.3899777777777778,441,15,87,6,9,138,83,109,0.149,0.737,0.114,-0.8063,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,6,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,5,2,2,3,2,18,10,7,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,11,4,12,8,5,18,0,1,2,0,7,10,0,3,9,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863334530461248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565172894643346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308496484790414,0.0,0.11343337884169752,0.4110241549108736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115666172027748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440147214953056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284092137993392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648127207669131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723779350640744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443950464516602,0.0,0.0,0.15607609089256896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909730065116982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226536690465374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181976035358316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626135115808135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242106530233844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788897692114545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679110057347468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609344412580029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759068907847425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891233712654926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860469516037006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035426421996933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098843282528604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963265096947293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Huntrinity,2019/01/18,"Dumped and Heartbroken Apologies if this post is a little bit all over the place, i suppose break ups are seldom clean. Potential trigger warning for losing a FP.

My boyfriend of about 10 months dumped me two days ago. We had been living together and we had what I thought was a good relationship and I felt loved. He was often sweet but emotionally he was quite closed however over time I felt he started to open up to me and we had a very honest relationship (Or so I thought). He took good care of me, he tried to make me happy and I made a lot of positive changes. Over the past 2 months he stopped being as physically affectionate and intimate, but I figured that perhaps it was just us getting used to being together - as a physically clingy person I took this well and didn't make a fuss. 

Cut to two days ago, he wakes me up early as his alarm goes off - he asks me if i wanted to cuddle and my eyes light up I think to myself thank goodness, he is starting to want to be a little intimate again. He says his stomach feels bad from lastnight and wants to take the day off work- I say sure as he had a good absence record. Cut forward an hour or two and he wakes me up, asks me if I want a cup of tea - I say yes and think again ""How sweet"" - we had moved a little on from that phase. I sit down in the living room with my cup of tea, he says he is going to get the mail and comes back in with two police officers. He sits down and I am obviously more than surprised - he tells me he is breaking up with me and had been planning it for the past month and explains that I am affecting his mental health - I say that I love him and that he must do whats right for him. He tells me he has blocked my phone number and my social media accounts and that I could send a family member to collect the rest of my things. The police drop me home at a family members and thats it - its all over.

So here I am, crying and desperately trying to keep myself busy. I feel embarrassed and lied to - He lead me on and continued to make future plans with me all whilst planning to leave me. He knows that my mental health is going to tank and that I have BPD, and I asked him time and time again what was wrong and he always said he was fine and then tells me I am affecting his mental health. Even though things have been getting much better over the past few months, I was rarely self harming, I was literally about to start DBT group therapy and now Im too far from the area. The thing that hurts the most is that I still love him and cant bring myself to hate him, even though I can't go home, I'll never hold his hand or get to wake up next to him again and to top it off he doesnt want anything to do with me. I'd understand if he wanted to take a break and have me move out and see if he started to feel better and wait for me to start to maybe see benefit from therapy - maybe go back to taking it slower. But he just gave up, I feel utterly heartbroken and I just wish I could go back. I don't really have friends and he was my whole world and now its over. I feel lost and it hurts so much. 

If anyone has any ideas on how to keep myself busy I will take them in earnest. I really am lost right now. Thanks if you read to the end.



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bpd,Sofckinwhat6,2019/01/18,"Feeling dusgusting after sex As the title suggests it's really something that is taking over my life now, feeling dirty and used after sex when I shouldn't.
I feel like I'm being slut shamed then by community, it's a horrible way to be. Any tips ?",5.6727891156462595,6.027130836734695,6.914693877551024,74.57911564625853,67.16326530612244,9.798639455782316,30.619047619047624,9.725611199111238,2.885933333333333,197,7,36,4,3,67,42,49,0.295,0.649,0.055999999999999994,-0.9314,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,1,0,6,10,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,6,7,0,7,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578455668665517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751524635031036,0.2708759349380043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678158315896989,0.18524112867554346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429031516820636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919001542436928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28508529561114365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32747728360832074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009639540613128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bba1by,2019/01/18,"someone to talk to, or anything, please my fp just left me and i feel so alone n scared i dont know what to do",-2.9630769230769225,-1.3562515384615388,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,102.84615384615385,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.8089692307692309,84,2,24,0,4,28,22,26,0.214,0.701,0.085,-0.5415,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566532302796022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28337903700910644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035874954568185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411882331033152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925131591167596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741482774794168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780040018670774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34476455378201737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29177521180718835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27678361996792794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Godislate,2019/01/18,"Im suicidal and my therapist does not understand my feelings My therapist is leaving next week and at the moment im feeling suicidal. I told her about my feelings ans she told me she found it hard to understand. It kinda scares me because she never says that. I hope someone here can relate to my feelings... what im talking about is:

I had therapy from her for half a year and she helped me think about my future. She helped me make plans for my future and she made me feel confident about those plans.

But then she said she was leaving and I cannot follow therapy from her anymore. And it felt like all that confidence swept away. As if all those things she said that gave me confidence were just lies.

And I can relavate it in my head, and tell myself that it is a stupid thought and it doesnt make sense. But the feeling wont go away. I feel abandoned, screwed over and as if everything she sayd that made me feel confident is bullshit...

(It actually reminds me of my ex... it is as if having them around me and believing in me makes me feel better about myself. But then when they ""dump"" me, i feel like im nothing again)",2.7366517857142867,4.735637218750004,3.5806785714285745,89.33932142857145,76.36607142857143,7.158571428571429,25.932142857142853,8.07648339933343,1.5326846428571432,883,33,183,15,20,281,108,224,0.113,0.7879999999999999,0.099,-0.6611,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,3,10,9,3,1,5,0,14,2,1,5,3,47,43,23,2,4,8,1,12,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,17,12,0,1,16,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,13,15,45,4,22,29,2,20,0,1,0,1,26,7,1,5,13,131,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.09258921474798856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409548668336648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446333520671191,0.0,0.0,0.17828580763273644,0.0,0.0,0.057837980694028374,0.0,0.0,0.10689729384774056,0.0,0.08391366901039765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303014653309665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527204576735982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797418988862529,0.067782306589588,0.09109970017993747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403104673217517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392250294583659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499386326966575,0.0,0.0973742753367044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271921573633871,0.0,0.0,0.0942372701133775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40994682049917147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009284871562688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270717223189816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955554161318735,0.18999945408269006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317732204230669,0.0,0.10090597966064008,0.0,0.0,0.09103993992299493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050525623011104,0.07545240160486373,0.09499145385635202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039153464231659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756668857385527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626096759645734,0.08292932113009081,0.0,0.21700714779325125,0.2203260365613768,0.06303407058906957,0.06079528693386393,0.0,0.07532413917208887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132385380228475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754689780326126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610703047810456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610996233275426
bpd,heltarot,2019/01/18,"I overdosed, and now I need help. At about 2pm, I took 3x 30mg codiene, 20x 300mg gabapentin, 1mg lorazepam. At about 550pm I took another 4xcodiene 30mg and 3xgabapentin 300mg. I zoned out and fell asleep, hoping I wouldn’t wake up. 

Lo and behold, I woke up. Sweating, dry lips and angry. But my stomach is killing me. The monster inside me is killing me. My boyfriend caught me out, noticing my change in behaviour. I was high as a kite, but in pain. And we argued. I didn’t mean to hurt him. 

Should I go to the hospital? Just in case? Or will I be okay to keep drinking water and go to bed. I have work in the morning. 

Any advice would help greatly. 
",-0.4329239766081869,1.812286222222227,1.4284600389863549,97.4764912280702,94.1851851851852,4.3235867446393765,21.17933723196881,6.05967700443912,0.1179629629629626,500,19,113,5,19,163,87,135,0.151,0.777,0.07200000000000001,-0.9111,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,4,1,10,8,5,0,0,21,20,11,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,10,2,1,1,1,0,6,2,5,0,0,6,0,21,3,17,9,0,18,0,1,0,0,5,11,0,2,1,64,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476312785106386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857833692805465,0.1982629389631117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001760690415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522274756872165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491278567185146,0.0,0.0,0.2084572383548419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25346765599916016,0.1997694441454618,0.0,0.18779538344612776,0.0,0.0,0.2024100412732813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680596627470264,0.418369723796528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059594710214067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019764711733873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152645692168457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20119046591647488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201413520800158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764976534212334,0.0,0.0,0.13431434650850674,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PrettyR3DKitty,2019/01/18,Hold me till I fall asleep DAE struggle to not be held most nights? Like it’s okay if some nights it’s just fine to stick to holding hands and such but only if I’m being held regularly as well. Otherwise I’m an emotional wreck!,-0.6693749999999987,1.4399208125000025,1.2541666666666664,96.7575,101.29166666666666,4.9,16.416666666666664,6.6274283507984215,-0.10450833333333344,181,5,41,3,8,59,38,48,0.10800000000000001,0.705,0.188,0.2689,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,12,6,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,2,4,5,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105685651917029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783173895092071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6850433562889723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775940070118026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815704589428776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32817299403308864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xxxxorcistx,2019/01/18,"Starting to realize how manipulative I’ve been and it’s scaring me I’m always pre-planning conversations in my head. Thinking of ways to get someone to say what I want them to. Feeling like my boyfriend doesn’t love me? Bait him by making him feel bad for me until he showers me with love. Feeling like a friend doesn’t care about me? Accuse her of not liking me until she tells me how much she does like me. 

I’m scared. I’ve been manipulating the people I love for as long as I can remember. How do I stop? Is this bad? ",0.9505555555555568,3.2333770185185173,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,84.37037037037038,5.4518518518518535,21.962962962962962,6.816661863887847,0.5424851851851855,410,14,88,5,12,138,70,108,0.16699999999999998,0.588,0.24600000000000002,0.8807,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,4,13,0,2,2,0,7,4,1,6,0,17,21,8,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,4,20,9,16,19,1,7,0,0,0,3,14,1,0,0,9,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075361645228215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824809517224804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246860160850985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803194673950668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565952133891445,0.24169406457571824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306916171026809,0.0,0.08837845595497869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360566182663933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305696486211125,0.0,0.0,0.14970015513566334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580170814007439,0.0,0.11291476747381475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243511320307866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727336603537705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916238683830485,0.0,0.0,0.1345218136076255,0.3387148023969016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332764509496498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973142150915332,0.0,0.0,0.14142427478534206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785218816613355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839008544709024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099774203172163,0.13427032815688625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ihav3anxiety,2019/01/18,I hate psych meds So I just got off of Xanax which I loved because it made me have zero problems ....... so now I’m at square 1 does anybody think cognitive  therapy or any kind works,2.4309909909909915,3.889397324324329,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,75.75675675675676,7.095495495495496,25.84684684684685,7.793537801064563,1.2460522522522512,139,5,31,2,3,45,33,37,0.15,0.679,0.171,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,4,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,16,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108051529766571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896821269963854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712760404543017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479288770723352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060528682923254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228089083310466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797798336541317,0.2933218740679756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34433116870329344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966204264603729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35450280567774833,0.0,0.0,0.1986303217124608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256778282673211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bunnywithbpd,2019/01/18,"DAE feel like they never had ""normal emotions"" in relationships and had FPs ever since childhood? As far as I can remember, I always obsessed with one person. I literally remember back to 1st grade, I was attached to this girl, thought she was pretty inside and out and idolized her. If someone was a threat to our relationship I would despise them. Like dark hatred despise. I had normal ""boy"" crushes that I got over with quickly. But with girls for some reason, I pick one and obsess with? It doesn't even feel like a choice. I immediately fall in love, and try to see everything/understand what they're doing. Literally, tone of voice, hand movements, quirks etc. I legitimately think they're perfect/pure and often compared to myself feeling disgusted.    

Did I care about other people? No. I didn't care about much others, I spent time fixating on that one person and trying to get into their friend group. I had best friends who were girls, but I never obsessed over them. I usually picked a very popular pretty girl in school. I know the typical feeling to admire/stare at popular kids. But specifically one girl stands out and it feels completely different from normal admiration. I even obsessed with a girl I met online, who I didn't even know what she looked like. I just wanted her personality and skills. It feels so weird. I still do it to this day and honestly, it's hard to stop. I feel so indulged in it that I forget about other things. 

It was then I realized 20 years in that holy crap this isn't normal at all.  I wonder where it roots from and why I have it. 

  

TL;DR I thought how I view and feel towards people with BPD was developed over time, and that my brain was normal with relationships. But I always obsessed / idolized in an extreme way ever since I was a kid. Was I just neurologically doomed since birth? Is this even BPD or am I just creepy?",3.666600378787877,6.097376928977273,4.560340909090911,81.36571969696972,75.16477272727272,7.221212121212122,25.15530303030303,8.199878495009871,1.717955303030304,1477,51,269,26,33,477,187,352,0.11599999999999999,0.741,0.14300000000000002,0.9149,1,0,0,1,0,0,51.0,1,0,4,2,20,26,5,5,7,0,25,5,3,5,5,70,49,25,0,8,9,0,10,4,2,1,1,1,0,12,26,23,0,1,18,0,1,2,7,12,0,4,21,14,44,14,41,27,5,38,1,1,3,1,31,18,1,5,20,192,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693087805840676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326998562649665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863501645574224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072632739269682,0.0918542242166567,0.0,0.0,0.16778451347120532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627139321564226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306525625040512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596745787280545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925564773640424,0.0,0.0,0.0917664799033582,0.2173866497379748,0.14885804552301146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328350987639592,0.11756493835836275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714215333010742,0.0,0.04298908930508423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580864688431695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737087508443706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044036598846916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079584093845858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909638236454839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426295998963389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048693499219999,0.0,0.12692231627973782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030957655877073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302637893269045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408832958500335,0.2155371096848172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742129649547968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459987628605921,0.0,0.2650210898189761,0.18641954086867066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832740487355022,0.06556831500937607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041942287779218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971749922869938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065710726048826,0.06879166096487284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546646831314751,0.052723155351846594,0.0,0.13064586061200292,0.09595890511681912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117285185549857,0.0,0.0,0.08565874352634421,0.0,0.0,0.0906222941895092,0.06789148894968243,0.04853221392209791,0.06531183494651427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424694928719051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923161044687569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058450962870103984,0.0,0.0,0.05298708329383652
bpd,DaenyJones,2019/01/18,"Am I putting to much pressure on myself? It's 4 am, I've been in a downward spiral since Septemember, and if I want I can start my job again tomorrow. 

I'm scared. What are my co workers going to say? They obviously just hate me right? Or maybe they're going to look at me with that ""I feel sorry "" for you look and try and hug me. Or I also think why the fuck would you let me back here when I clearly cant function outside of work, how is being here going to change anything?

Idk. I made an effort. I packed a lunch and set and alarm and set my clothes out. I tried in someway, even if I don't make it tomorrow there always another day right? 

",1.4143137254901958,3.0327161176470585,3.1461764705882374,92.69196078431378,79.0,6.003921568627452,22.362745098039216,6.816661863887847,0.4448598039215681,496,15,113,5,12,165,97,136,0.138,0.809,0.053,-0.8823,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,3,10,6,2,3,4,0,11,3,0,3,2,22,25,13,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,8,1,0,2,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,2,4,21,1,12,20,1,21,0,0,2,2,4,8,1,4,7,73,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396303750429815,0.14979221453106836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876811978463884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814226202651107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384253339308802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190438756615754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160989013013751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890242776304814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102422190021772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664268707160374,0.0,0.0,0.3069309071159985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773384892991434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864344804803592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408406421169526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023452497268412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034058835757115,0.12016567317755135,0.0,0.1808556789569036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323364323832603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809712153716248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30747456038951376,0.0,0.1431602318356994,0.18023281257105656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891555095441167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151920328306352,0.1274200637174326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535043533205162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24444540863147365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618127777411518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244130051017938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310577131980469,0.0,0.0,0.12788202769066506,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rojasxce,2019/01/18,"I'm tired of self-harm but can't find another coping mechanism that works. When I'm feeling really sad or can't control my thoughts/emotions I usually rely on self-harm to get some relief/cope. I have grown tired of it, I don't want to hurt anymore, but I find it really difficult to get pass all the helplessness/hopelessness I feel. I often wish I could just doze off into nothingness, but we'll.. I can't. I'm pretty sure I don't really have the intention to die or commit suicide, I just can't control my thoughts by other means. I've started to become more and more aggressive towards my boyfriend, as if all my anger/sadness needs to explode into something/somewhere and he's the only one around. I can't afford therapy and I don't know where/who else to turn to. Could you please give me some advice? I'm scared of not even knowing what to do anymore. ",2.885172413793104,4.762465448275865,4.328252873563219,84.69203448275864,75.55172413793103,7.628505747126438,27.11724137931035,8.447377352677275,2.0045200000000003,684,27,134,13,15,227,103,174,0.223,0.6940000000000001,0.083,-0.9794,1,0,1,0,0,3,24.0,1,1,0,3,6,6,1,1,3,0,14,2,0,3,4,38,32,11,2,6,9,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,10,5,0,1,1,2,19,1,20,28,6,11,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,6,3,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302840327366859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398033012905225,0.0,0.0,0.264445932054794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868786798646648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724742369904806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990715342863036,0.21289895790418692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837071042473428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137625940436743,0.14997312402894386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806016583571816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348266511693789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24371399088607335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931403194796696,0.127897867422243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427275926219404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654430043035693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523044060291904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885909087534712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034473799667568,0.10139997060864586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635124661257007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563985784401586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25623498567909064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348197898594594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781749279040649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436840065297622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458363423108353,0.0,0.12565760674643928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246920836343142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584547087054506,0.0,0.3064758567018089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501974417844013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683908628906706,0.0,0.07863877218781977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533176241973108,0.0,0.0,0.09706247530344067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,handsomeniceguy,2019/01/18,"Trigger warning: This ist the end I can' t hold it any longer. Ich will commit suicide. I am sick of hurting the people I love. I am sick of hurting myself. One last pain and this world is going to be a better place. I am sorry for the damage I have done, I am sorry for the damage I am going to do. I have lost all hope. Everyone has the right to abandonend me. I am a toxic Person and I am too weak to change myself. My emotions are to harsh.",-0.7635614035087741,1.3198531263157918,2.154342105263158,93.71747807017546,91.42105263157896,4.008771929824562,16.337719298245613,5.46131890053228,-0.5989122807017542,337,8,74,2,12,118,59,95,0.34299999999999997,0.55,0.107,-0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,10,0,0,7,0,17,5,0,1,2,7,22,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,1,2,0,15,3,9,18,1,7,0,5,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143070274935068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093222715176903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445477259801456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778302707196208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740352267588806,0.1711804733941491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467843518036284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196803841573795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196141285618806,0.0,0.0,0.4138005608667648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575414150553314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097779856694085,0.0,0.1744343514996086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096522742246008,0.0,0.20565365016867035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398956752876245,0.16875651943319228,0.20192674472180927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650521208005831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327014481039039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140677543279904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Borderline-Princess,2019/01/18,"Binge eating/toxic relationship with food/self-worth/self-loathing Does anyone else struggle with binge eating and the overwhelming hatred of themselves afterwards? 

I've always been heavy but now I'm at my absolute heaviest and hate it so much. I live in a house with people that don't care about their weight, they're all skinny, there's always shit food around, always baking cupcakes and brownies and I eat it all every time. I can't stop myself. And then I feel shit and promise myself I won't do it again, and then I end up buying shit food and takeaway and it goes in a circle and I hate myself even more. 

My house is being renovated, I'm finally getting out of this house, but I've got another 6 months here and I'm losing my battle. I have such a toxic relationship with food. Im reading the DBT solutions for emotional eating but I'm struggling so much. No one takes me seriously or gives a damn. I hate being fat, I hate myself. I don't go to the gym or walk as often as I want to, I'm so depressed I just cbf self-caring. ",2.251889952153107,4.409015947368424,3.898897129186605,85.72202990430623,78.52153110047847,6.4766507177033485,21.45478468899521,7.554174236665415,0.8915701435406689,819,23,161,12,20,273,121,209,0.298,0.655,0.047,-0.9963,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,13,17,9,3,7,0,10,13,5,0,2,29,27,23,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,17,10,1,1,2,1,2,5,15,0,1,2,2,22,2,18,22,5,18,0,3,0,0,4,6,4,3,10,99,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281185003566409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958249633449924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389839867255882,0.09363455876931702,0.0,0.08135187434282322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317292573409236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870962107492746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997148148241626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805284892333719,0.07634030009597054,0.10279563486804293,0.08093983585444131,0.0,0.0,0.0603588190369414,0.0,0.07699566155415685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462069163852773,0.0,0.0,0.1001076155588361,0.0,0.0,0.4420116017851272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04774480245325235,0.08766465701815278,0.051936105449357436,0.0,0.07308879755300965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608944048031865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163374764045083,0.0,0.0,0.0987112992485713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806944800639113,0.0,0.0,0.10223625060924683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294250028110147,0.0,0.13435673138875984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192472657676275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335473542601089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140956108203913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622621745647092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860029272253313,0.0,0.28141564750921183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640181069875608,0.0,0.1910705343727872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687100199662368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328722988196759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053901141051980885,0.0,0.0,0.11128210500075768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gofuckyourselfkthx,2019/01/18,"Imagined Attachment/Fantasy?? Does anyone else see a stranger on social media whether it be fb or ig or even on youtube and think that is the person you'd love to be friends with or even maybe date? You go through their pictures and profiles and learn about what they like so when you send them a message you can appear that you have the similar interests? I do this a lot and it's this weird fantasy or idea in my head that if only I could talk and get to the know them, they would love me! ",3.9876571428571417,4.94190828,4.141428571428573,90.815,71.2,7.7142857142857135,28.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.5173714285714284,388,14,85,5,7,120,72,100,0.018000000000000002,0.818,0.16399999999999998,0.9467,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,5,0,5,6,0,0,6,0,9,3,1,0,0,21,17,13,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,14,5,8,12,1,8,0,0,1,2,18,3,0,7,3,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035939857792986,0.2349852553786419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831088010723251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006964014798335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158358996413785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029529415670543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718700479055613,0.0,0.11982033925231413,0.0,0.13033883176035765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353683267196593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889619900592625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603890324283054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204361689821042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497610518356032,0.41397541579400665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040219182189114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442290210996844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025026521356346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275376091060572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337825752278721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433427386375054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695138842970526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629160867078888,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boogaloo10,2019/01/18,"I love and hate my ex. I don't know how to feel. I have so many conflicting feelings towards my ex. I don't know what to think or say. I want to go back to her and apologize for breaking up, but I also hate her for all of the shit she put me through. Things she never had control over. She never loved me. How could she? I don't feel like I have anything inside of me. She's talking to new friends now, and I always knew she was getting better support from her other friends. Why would she even want me? She's full of shit. She fed me lies for so long. I don't fucking know how to feel. I'm so confused. I'm sorry if this is jumbled or confusing.",-0.334500000000002,1.6912636214285754,1.72964285714286,98.24660714285716,87.78571428571428,4.357142857142857,20.892857142857142,5.602791699666715,-0.17857142857142885,497,17,118,3,16,165,79,140,0.171,0.626,0.203,0.7434,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,14,5,2,1,0,11,6,2,4,3,30,33,14,0,5,4,2,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,2,9,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,5,29,7,17,27,2,13,0,0,0,3,21,4,3,5,7,83,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339956352813075,0.12839610926168527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269818336084751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865285759753695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136472346239301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306885820022402,0.12320189430406325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101918575370134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31208980993164265,0.11023722979681057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384350124998877,0.1426546949948768,0.08061924214232505,0.0,0.08769644539320648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046932012874673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254409917129923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538679607806463,0.0,0.0,0.13655718382060955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785368869352633,0.0,0.0,0.15644347331704087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23802274285933256,0.1490310382021395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512154630209934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271142947080345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167886354596472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273448906580802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510619682988834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402643451424172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251497292101633,0.09887394444792864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202899243208634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923841792584846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961554211197616,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lifesabitchnsomi,2019/01/18,"A severe lack of allowing myself to feel grounded. The term “allowing myself” is used loosely. I feel psychically incapable.

It’s 1:24 AM and I’m at home after a long day at work, showered, skincare done, ate dinner, and turned off my lights. Darkness.

I’m overwhelmed from feeling severely uncomfortable. Almost like imposter syndrome. This bed is not yours. This room is not a place for comfort. You’re alone. Your body cannot make you feel rooted. I guess this is what we can call “spiraling” but in a different sense. I am not allowing myself to settle down. Something feels severely wrong. Like I am missing something. Like I have nothing, no one. It is hard to articulate. There is no big exhale. I feel anxious. I feel like it is not safe to go to bed. I feel like I am wandering. Like I have to be somewhere but not here. Something else is calling me, but no where and no one comes to mind. I guess I can say it doesn’t feel like home. Nothing feels like home. It all feels so insecure. So temporary. Like I don’t belong. I truly hate this feeling and when it comes, I nearly count down the seconds for it to leave.

TL; DR weird.",1.022614369501465,3.629663059090913,2.4641055718475084,90.03631964809387,91.13636363636364,5.384164222873901,23.005865102639287,6.968188349444268,1.0498079178885624,883,35,172,14,31,285,120,220,0.182,0.643,0.174,-0.2417,2,1,3,0,0,0,39.0,1,3,0,1,6,17,1,2,6,0,21,4,1,6,1,40,46,10,0,1,8,0,13,9,0,0,1,1,7,0,12,7,2,1,12,0,0,3,12,6,0,3,2,15,24,11,20,43,3,20,0,2,0,0,7,12,0,3,14,110,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907053367765717,0.09212533010378957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048813341698913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988033504900839,0.0,0.0,0.18165570369162504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324502449969093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736536396439696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293377359182728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102668932505573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743062757121556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5397092541291957,0.25418346974732203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055231072034048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597681306579326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968169040013051,0.08781966770030855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676721798348141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418516167076313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911081059461096,0.0,0.0,0.07871791332752101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059374787363085574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981410032890219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706997664990147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054958653891006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293377359182728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073657642258044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014644002509675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543406903908334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675201117597317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682420388326656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647566284751608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725281496745616,0.0,0.0
bpd,broken-heart12,2019/01/18,"Recovering BPD story Hi everyone, 

I just wanted to tell everyone who’s lost hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s tough. I know you’re tired. But I hope my story inspires you.

I’m 30 years old, and I have BPD. About 4 months ago, I began taking anti depressants, and mood stabilizers and they have made a world of a difference for me. I have a stable life. Last month, I got hired doing a job that I absolutely love at an amazing company. 90+ people applied and only one guy and I got hired. I have a clearer sense of who I am, I don’t obsess over stuff, I don’t feel like dying, and I don’t have as many emotional outbursts. I’m driven, content, I laugh so much more and I love myself more. I am going through a break up, but it doesn’t hurt as much as other breakups have hurt. I’m accepting it for it is. I couldn’t have gotten to this point without the help of medication. Therapists had been suggesting medication for over 10 years and I refused. I wanted to take the natural path. But my godsend, do I wish I could have taken them years ago. I am successful, financially stable and life still stresses me out, but it’s manageable. 

Don’t lose hope. We can manage this. We can be successful and we can be content with life. 


I wish you all the best ❤️",0.7069308176100648,2.9712452339622684,3.0836792452830184,88.68727987421387,85.33962264150944,6.40125786163522,20.908805031446537,7.675431598112923,0.9271408805031456,997,32,213,19,30,342,142,265,0.115,0.6609999999999999,0.223,0.9852,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,2,2,6,5,22,0,2,13,0,29,8,0,1,1,38,55,18,1,9,6,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,13,15,0,1,5,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,10,2,37,13,23,41,6,23,0,5,0,2,17,8,0,3,13,140,50,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098591245045288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305221352667498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713552663197007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601076684262186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278459286133303,0.0,0.11180299828001844,0.11255116250900576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211777035500409,0.09541361797267912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587438873964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446970606178291,0.07695976367075465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122339725577609,0.0,0.1723172905946211,0.0,0.0,0.10666607547307612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722067370082928,0.0,0.0,0.3209898748717111,0.0,0.0,0.2306466844528036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690183230247012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840722735808824,0.08781139631711314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282710323951125,0.05262967892750048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051828936411788,0.11759609419254582,0.0,0.1944545688569705,0.10193332702584594,0.0,0.10921766409137232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704603481686252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719723738582592,0.0,0.1583826024040741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304073818609944,0.0,0.07299819850491633,0.08193078365178252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468392366854383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183627087762184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603044441594139,0.0,0.1234002304149191,0.0,0.1233209578669964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199369634856856,0.0,0.09415762426308873,0.0,0.0,0.12507865663929948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381565280152865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270796469089453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24776009347371786,0.10384440805423104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811681432432005
bpd,AGGroAzteca,2019/01/18,"Falling again How do you avoid falling hard in the infatuation phase. So far I've deleted my dating apps because I was getting too much attention and too many dead ends.

 After my last hook up I'm burning out. I feel like I have sex because I think its expected not because its especially fun. I really want to satisfy my partners but then I catch feelings they don't reciprocate.

The person(s) I'm talking to now we had our first dirty talking session and I dont want to mess up the relationship because I really want to settle down. 

But what if I scare them away?",2.7524815724815745,5.157328621621623,4.610319410319409,79.98191646191647,78.09909909909909,7.63996723996724,29.910728910728913,8.575989854853784,2.65147927927928,451,22,84,10,11,153,77,111,0.142,0.7170000000000001,0.141,-0.2636,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,1,2,1,6,5,0,2,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,18,15,8,1,5,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,2,3,17,2,11,13,1,18,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,9,55,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614824734813576,0.0,0.0,0.4831091775303726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220512592536866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754830429748636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003594449673848,0.14154303968892015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852800052997394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351396357904423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748421922161198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150117101744427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679557703840952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008712010779057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564724414969407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299816366202128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538523804040916,0.0,0.0,0.21271586102938306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983611918772206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184963659787555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695274245360394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505839671566345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Plytie,2019/01/18,"I respected myself tonight, and learned I'm still REALLY not over my ex So, I met someone new, and we started casually chatting. We have a fair bit in common with similar interests and outlooks on life. We weren't even talking on the basis of being interested in prospectively dating (I knew I wasn't ready for that), but just talking to get to know each other and possibly build a friendship over time.


Then things started coming up about watching TV shows and starting new games together, and while I was a little receptive to it... I started feeling like I was cheating on my ex by even talking about this stuff with another guy. I am highly monogamous, and view those things as stuff I should only be doing with my partner, or he is at least aware of and is fine with it. I've been fine doing this with other guy friends in the past, when a SO hasn't been in play, so that was pretty telling to me.


The thing is, I know my ex and I are broken up. He even practically wished me good luck moving on. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I was some how cheating, because I still have stupidly strong feelings for him. Then the new guy says something which cold hard proof says otherwise. It might have been a yellow flag to some, but right now it was a blazing red flag to me. I told him as much, and that my feelings for my ex would still probably get in the way of this friendship. He understood, apologized, and we parted ways.


Has it kind of solidified that I might be too broken for anyone? Yes, at least for right now. But I respected myself, set a boundary and stuck to it. He did try to argue some technicality to my red flag, but I didn't change my stance and he respected it. It's a bittersweet feels good moment. I miss my ex more than ever, realize I still love him, and potentially lost out on a good friendship; however, I did something for myself and my well-being. Before I would have compromised that. I've also realized that making new friends right now isn't possible for me.",4.74091452991453,5.805938715384617,5.443846153846158,81.76004273504276,69.53846153846153,8.64957264957265,29.57264957264957,8.94667605116694,2.3257777777777773,1569,59,306,28,27,509,186,390,0.091,0.71,0.19899999999999998,0.9931,1,1,2,0,0,0,49.0,4,0,0,2,21,26,4,1,15,1,36,2,0,2,2,62,61,32,0,5,8,5,6,1,3,5,1,2,0,4,27,27,0,0,12,6,0,3,7,7,0,0,19,14,46,19,48,33,10,54,0,2,5,1,36,22,0,7,27,225,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984583933334904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158370088810212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107022248667675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324170890042107,0.0,0.07431998466250446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953527586447832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239423554834056,0.07523575490100913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730619194312648,0.07900411275500913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208088717944668,0.06239577856518324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349574755239371,0.0,0.09126318558761427,0.0,0.0,0.2197701738889716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594412654686073,0.0,0.0,0.07823956632346524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227960159818084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909512646719189,0.09599965990488253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169088932889453,0.04266995681491298,0.08753771639226553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534202683832864,0.0,0.07882784224296156,0.0,0.05830018904604176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530806892884608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282869467164784,0.06420501647107747,0.0,0.0,0.3374144171126151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642607501082037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945808074800128,0.08337599973497081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692565935172784,0.0,0.08885627202376496,0.09416739046588388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055952298858176375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237638818583929,0.0,0.13891269210574592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400297579763628,0.1344773384280209,0.0,0.0,0.2472790641969383,0.0,0.27899963843996284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996701685401488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060197063488964,0.07633908933085733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740746269237407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092870951690991,0.0,0.0,0.08345719996618504,0.0,0.059298188733128865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386529980081811,0.0,0.0,0.07852923106240045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043679445152597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408778967918635,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,racschi,2019/01/18,"Relationship Confusion My girlfriend complains that I'm too clingy all the time, yet when I'm not constantly clingy and I give her space she thinks something is wrong. I've come to the realization that if she wants me then she can do it in the way that she is most comfortable instead of me being clingy and pushy all the time, but then she gets quiet and keeps asking me what's wrong even though nothing is. I feel like I'm crazy and that all my relationships get fucked up because of things I do but I have no idea how to stop it.",4.819007936507937,5.419804472222222,4.849365079365082,87.77500000000002,69.09259259259258,8.393650793650794,26.539682539682538,8.418075326091056,1.4049349206349206,425,12,93,6,7,132,69,108,0.24100000000000002,0.74,0.019,-0.9759,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,1,4,0,8,1,0,1,3,21,21,12,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,15,2,6,20,4,13,0,0,0,1,12,3,1,3,9,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859075283339937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122338790973987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130053278539698,0.0,0.21489732863810748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134534700265446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005497384372686,0.14206583194172456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838431350478883,0.207792589247233,0.19076491189913505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448906368235533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675616411385206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715309357820286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908118129321912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42700306324854403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309236778837146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625610802155524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321139413730888,0.12742164513064752,0.19537922667483532,0.0,0.2319140702661407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172929521861335,0.15784604316355064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348450221648396,0.0,0.0
bpd,definitelynotbpd,2019/01/18,"I started talking to her 2 weeks ago I had a crush on her in high school and recently found out she's single. Since then we've been messaging daily and things are going great.

Today, she changed her facebook picture to include a guy in it, and the guy did the same with her. They haven't set a relationship status or anything and it \*probably\* doesn't mean anything. But it's going to monumentally fuck me up until I know for sure. And I can't just bluntly ask ""are you still single"" because I don't want to seem like a thirsty asshole. So instead, I wait.",2.715625000000003,4.7093878839285725,3.949428571428573,86.69557142857144,76.41071428571428,6.265714285714287,27.271428571428572,7.1686216300943375,1.3766578571428574,441,18,88,5,10,144,80,112,0.061,0.853,0.086,0.5541,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,4,4,1,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,1,18,20,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,4,0,15,3,12,16,3,17,0,0,0,1,14,6,1,2,9,61,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674605643120285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31091969717884005,0.0,0.17660877392091578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516001584839534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984560694600706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20713408121524168,0.0,0.17464763780977005,0.0,0.0,0.21472797699069132,0.0,0.0,0.20827798095431915,0.0,0.3741084556967991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995976575884489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382200895132616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229367359800997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057823615111795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036808810689294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652945201154972,0.20282257565524106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911907131011119,0.0,0.1719799041673605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627133464345225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371406337255348,0.0,0.15086669571658226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804889216596967,0.0,0.0,0.15184164681476742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550584375390544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906806392181734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114261733281828,0.0,0.1515351457790044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reddit-princess,2019/01/18,"Did you ever have a therapist ask you to leave and be admitted? Share your therapist stories I've had this happen to me once, she basically couldn't handle me being such a manipulative girl, then I brokedown and she demanded to my mom I never return to her care and to have me admitted immediately.",5.526578947368424,6.880163017543862,7.7710087719298295,64.72914473684212,67.94736842105263,11.314035087719299,31.793859649122812,11.20814326018867,4.146722807017544,240,10,41,8,4,86,41,57,0.055,0.799,0.146,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,2,9,12,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,12,2,5,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,4,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580182690878674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28139551545845226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24965347268044644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406165683196634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29223908175749297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232422597157273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128645241078635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939258960990926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.640903433089485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princess_bubbles3,2019/01/18,"Medication for emotions Is there anything I can take, over the counter or herbal or even something man made that will get rid of my emotions? I really don’t want to feel things anymore.",7.371142857142857,7.5398599714285695,6.406428571428571,80.30107142857145,63.57142857142857,9.285714285714286,37.5,8.841846274778883,3.1347142857142853,149,7,28,2,2,45,32,35,0.0,0.9520000000000001,0.048,0.1477,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868299030860999,0.0,0.0,0.23800456096931136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6506702719379084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102800059084546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623902507346312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110623926666975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736682725962607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913601231084005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852826285724403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265675634280305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745849147038585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214584031033305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059026947533887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RBNAnon1234,2019/01/18,"Boyfriend/FP doesn't understand - is it possible to have a healthy relationship? My boyfriend doesn't understand what it's like to deal with serious mental health complications. I went through a bunch of narcissistic like abuse throughout my childhood. I realised this probably 1.5 years ago and went back to therapy. I then went through denial/dissociation and heavily feeling extreme emotions. I went through acceptance of it and of probably having cptsd. I should say I've never been told my diagnosis but I'm fairly sure my then psychologist made at least one.

My then therapist and I worked through flashbacks and essentially tried to nurture my inner child. Holy hell that was difficult. I've felt like this process has awaken me from a chronic longstanding dissociation. My emotions are MESSSYYYY. I feel everything to the max and basically identify with all the bpd criteria.

My bf doesn't really understand. He doesn't think I have bpd and thinks I just need to think logically and not act on my emotions all the time. Which I think we all agree with, it's just not as easy as saying it... anyway, he has said many times that he can't cope with me lashing out at him and being aggressive and trying to fight. I think that's fair and it is irresponsible of me to put that on him. He's not actively trying or wanting to support me in this aspect. He is in everything else.

Can you have a healthy relationship where a person accepts you for you... but doesn't want a bar of your mental health difficulties? 

Also I feel like I'm a high functioning bpd because I excel at studies and work and am very very self aware. I just feel like I don't think before I act sometimes and that's a big issue if I feel like the world is ending or my family is all dying every single day because of minor inconveniences that someone else could probably laugh off.",5.2339950901910495,7.161735714697411,5.8130003202049325,76.27682570178249,69.37463976945244,9.405870423737856,31.58384032447433,9.816601858774405,3.259939139716085,1491,65,266,37,27,482,180,347,0.08900000000000001,0.763,0.14800000000000002,0.9634,0,0,0,0,2,0,33.0,1,4,0,3,7,18,3,0,12,0,26,4,0,1,6,61,54,25,1,6,11,0,6,6,1,1,3,3,0,3,17,20,1,0,18,1,0,7,11,5,0,1,10,9,38,13,36,41,7,33,1,0,0,0,24,14,1,3,18,170,55,3,0.0,0.094070039603675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037883770461006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349211729311507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061049820083267314,0.0,0.09679685600907033,0.0,0.06755925948421111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999855016043646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339041160469203,0.0,0.0,0.05120317816862277,0.08185271298269049,0.0,0.0,0.0823994290456323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264859529864245,0.2679259162775633,0.07032036497300226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689367435292337,0.0,0.1427101333189213,0.0,0.07484649815119551,0.0,0.20072237546497346,0.17015931639170526,0.07623160814894546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878625021313234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388512965633646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286770616899394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273018941510995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512542665998027,0.0,0.08049402342759114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002288266458975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887035355310832,0.061234284287434215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053800076658944526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069324612806692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950588310572463,0.0,0.0,0.2568035715962145,0.0,0.0,0.0798138593922745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050862441568893135,0.0,0.0,0.17048093912156834,0.0,0.0,0.07552278401893782,0.1262761107155772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282625406687072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727108821698492,0.0,0.07852364119286781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009645471995599,0.07482880603391302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079505104528643,0.09218366279462234,0.0,0.3052384902491036,0.0,0.0,0.09259167415261366,0.0,0.0,0.07586528245323765,0.0,0.1617118896521921,0.0,0.0,0.2479588463183731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101830653261504,0.0936584037074888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943996769885681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560094650391625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051127748327970304
bpd,throwmeaway1111q,2019/01/18,"Feelings about fp change while on meds. Has anyone experienced this? It’s all very confusing. It makes me question everything, but I guess that’s nothing new. 

I’ve only been on lamictal for a few months, so how I felt and acted while not medicated is still fresh in my mind. It’s like fucking night and day.  How is that even possible? I need someone to explain it. I don’t feel so desperate anymore, like I’m going to die if he doesn’t message me or give me consolation when I’m having a depression fueled anxiety attack.  If I don’t get enough sex I just... don’t care? I do it myself lol. Before, it used to crush me. I don’t get upset that he doesn’t come over often. I don’t get upset that we haven’t done anything more than fuck buddies despite me trying pointlessly for over a year. I don’t let his lack of affection make me feel like absolute garbage. 

Mind you, there are always relapses. But it’s not the constant that it used to be. It feels good, but I also feel guilty. He is going to be confused when I cancel our fuck date to go out and meet new people instead. 

My therapist has been helping a lot, too. Saying how I need boundaries, especially with him. But instead of drawing a boundary I seem to be slowly cutting him from my life. I don’t want to do that either, I still care. Or do I? How do I know??

I’m very confused, and as is typical of bpd I don’t know who I am or what to define myself with anymore. Is this something anyone else has gone through when the meds and therapy start to help? Am i just riding a wave up that is surely to come down? I just needed to rant. Input is appreciated, please tell me your experiences

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bpd,jonnydavisapplesauce,2019/01/18,"I just ate 2000 calories in one sitting and then drank a glass of vodka to stop myself. I'm scared. I'm really afraid, I don't feel well. I drank too much, I ate too much. I wish I could stop binge eating every night. I wish I could stop drinking so much at once so often. Why can't I just eat a normal amount of food? Why does food make me depressed? Why do I eat so much of it? I just want to be happy. I'm so afraid.",-1.2234429400386837,0.6282655531914934,1.1746421663442952,101.86136363636363,90.27659574468085,3.843713733075436,12.800773694390712,4.851557810540192,-1.5409872340425532,318,4,82,1,11,107,53,94,0.166,0.721,0.114,-0.5795,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,2,0,6,10,0,1,0,16,18,6,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,3,1,2,0,0,2,4,1,1,4,1,13,2,7,11,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264489525428584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469593141932445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653471875918878,0.0,0.0,0.13045226837035356,0.0,0.408787082479385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219834369160983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733287799440861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220504156450699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175799312442994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888895333821106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915701851599594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496754329303887,0.13047469142611395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418177539752872,0.09023692524002336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853097360152964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333226884679037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339989465280809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854492872778743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197324883540262,0.0,0.3604855951582317,0.0,0.30626932568402154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notokaybutokay,2019/01/18,"DAE have a time loop and ""telepathy"" that ""reveals"" ""reality"" after using or not To try to be clear the time loops isnt a point in time but rather a loop of circumstamce, different setting different people, same ""narrative"". And that narrative hasn't changed since my first trip

This is the only thing that makes me think I need help. Ive been seeking help and answers in other because understanding reality is more interesting to me than living.  This loop has happened during various trips 17-21 , but most recently after deciding no drugs just alcohol.. the same loop happens at different intensities.  

It starts with getting ""altered"" enough to meld into the situation and once you notice the ""trigger"" 
-->which in my case is noticing someone notice you notice them leaving 
in the midst of it like you have two choices panic or move foreward. Ive been down the panic spiral and when I do I loose time, I might be having a seizure (not sure what it looks like on the outside but theres alot of vibration and ""hallucinations"")
--> them communicating to you why they are leaving almost in a reassuring way (but the levels of malevolence changes based on surroundings) 
---> the rest of the group keying in, and everyone is telepathic and playing ping pong with dialouge just to stay afloat in reality and the catch is that it HAS to be honest, and Ive notice people get nervous when its their turn, but again depending on the group its this very strange almost alternate reality in which everyone is aware of where they are and trying to explain it. 

When people sober up they forget it even happened.. and I have made it almost a mission of mine to find people to add to the words of explaining what that is.... 

I got really lucky to be in a safe enviornment and actually enjoy the expierence like a detective or investigative journalist would... Ive had the opposite but I always hold this understanding with me untill I lose it again which is why I ever want to use substances anyways.... 

Anyone else expierence this? 
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bpd,laameassbich,2019/01/18,"I hate my boyfriend for no reason (pls help) ok so we’ve been dating for like two months now and i like him a lot hes super cute and nice and whatever but ive been getting increasingly aggravated with him every now and then. Now the thought of him infuriates me and we have literally been okay?? we’ve never even fought before but i feel like i hate him. out of nowhere suddenly my perspective on people close to me will reverse for no reason as if they did something despicable towards me. i become infuriated and disgusted with people and important friendships/relationships end up obliterated.  i’m afraid of breaking up with him and hurting him or hurting me further. i’m terrified im never going to find someone and be able to maintain a healthy relationship. please help me im in agony. :,(((( ",3.1892798013245027,5.907463933774839,4.813803807947021,77.35924875827817,78.53642384105959,7.7485099337748355,29.305049668874172,8.660442795831766,2.7548705298013245,638,30,113,15,16,214,95,151,0.266,0.569,0.16399999999999998,-0.9812,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,1,5,15,4,1,3,2,9,0,0,2,2,27,18,16,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,15,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,6,1,22,8,19,10,2,21,0,2,0,0,13,8,0,3,13,76,22,0,0.15291141868750838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688786483003258,0.1301163548449172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543413044350494,0.0,0.0,0.10099654990116312,0.0,0.12883446525963574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731660776246048,0.10923994806350212,0.0,0.0,0.1397582664564612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988990507815984,0.0,0.0869030830851375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30193673721024633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049866014237337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273896725883249,0.0,0.3303411438273948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411438594985095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299998200040408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205243553633947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23586942556350504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201904874951094,0.0,0.0,0.16785081928165685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31443681154315595,0.0,0.3283392763388833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295613488376167,0.11771868068164602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213945860666676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937223715955175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaleidoscalp,2019/01/18,"Why are some therapists wishy washy about diagnosing? Long story short, was diagnosed by a psychiatrist a couple years ago who I no longer see. Current therapist I've been seeing for a year+ started DBT with me right away. 

Fast forward to now, I ask them about BPD because its been a few years since I first was diagnosed and wanted a second opinion. Was told  ""I think you have persistent depressive disorder with emotional regulation and interpersonal issues, not BPD"" what

""BPD is a flavor of the month diagnosis""

""If you were BPD you likely would have split me black by now""

""If you really want that label you can have it, I guess, I just don't think so""

Motherfucker I want to know what's wrong with me so I don't think I'm just insane. Anyone else have weird experiences like this?",5.187475429975429,6.830593263513514,5.922137592137593,76.56782555282558,69.06756756756758,9.706142506142507,26.96805896805897,10.018931242160765,2.656221621621621,625,20,116,16,11,204,101,148,0.14400000000000002,0.807,0.049,-0.9427,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,5,1,2,8,5,0,0,7,0,16,3,0,0,0,21,30,6,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,7,4,17,2,12,22,2,16,0,1,3,0,9,4,0,5,15,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218650825026336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060467674127733,0.1181153753177567,0.0,0.0,0.10776885893989704,0.0,0.1083069635008596,0.0,0.0,0.0702720664888339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807516754456776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755231114103951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928830291482006,0.3510125701989003,0.0,0.0,0.13211795038879856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629952141837288,0.12967162074612856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276347081879623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805494417648912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269911129743682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031971280428827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335347440066855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263748306732213,0.0,0.0,0.10201691994170488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201336462260468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384968940269646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984463165470646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837224129310179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535870186767176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159397584816462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676920200995343,0.0,0.2215954150383391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015254818293932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398088875801845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401997270982914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188979642912306,0.12603780028264194,0.0,0.22270470414395446
bpd,paperc1ip,2019/01/18,"Being quiet bpd person and drinking I’m able to control my urges most of times, I’m pretty self aware of my feelings and symptoms and I’m pushing myself to be a better person and don’t hurt people around me. I’m really trying because I know through how much shit people around me get for me. But I still suffer. And even though I’m trying if there’s slightest inconvenience or something triggering I just get into this self destructive mode, I drink a lot and do/say all these things I’m trying not to do/say. 

I just go full psycho because most of the time I’m just shhhhhing myself and I’m tired of it. And I do the most stupid things, I just forget about my bpd and ruin EVERYTHING.",3.9389999999999996,5.017237757142858,5.125714285714288,83.24928571428572,71.42857142857143,7.314285714285713,24.714285714285715,7.554174236665415,1.1855142857142849,546,15,107,6,10,181,80,140,0.204,0.753,0.043,-0.9726,0,0,3,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,13,7,3,0,4,0,4,5,1,3,1,31,17,14,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,5,12,2,1,2,2,0,2,2,6,0,0,0,2,15,1,13,15,7,9,0,3,0,0,4,4,1,6,3,70,20,0,0.14180326715843652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524699436189775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288391097888434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541346628136174,0.0,0.0,0.3571925018547102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904442189473378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778264334952733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365972057968328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744363299455305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169999258675296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817270875253336,0.0,0.08059006458371351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180333033803656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793136715446237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055606680528168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042417174544878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661706150242228,0.2476342865515117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426490189489974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084280402187088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255352992215565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958634675793509,0.0,0.14555901597043047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091670829393842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324427232747501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147387890078879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884155794789455,0.0,0.13932099000865147,0.0,0.16537325086350266,0.1629819954953324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28882533056897025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkplsthrowaway,2019/01/18,"love and care is quite the concept Okay so I just got back to where I’ve been living from a visit back home. Where I live now i’m surrounded by people who i know care about me. Logically, i know that. But after going home and being with my mom and seeing all the (very gross) love she has for her boyfriend and how none of it can make it’s way to me i just feel really fucking stupid. Like if my own mom doesn’t have the capacity to love and care about me why would anyone else? (Side note my dad died a few years ago). So i’m just losing my shit and can’t recognize myself and i’m just ignoring everyone bc they can’t hurt me if I do this. I won’t have to be upset when they don’t actually care about me. I don’t have to hear they do and sit there and act like i believe it. But i’m so fucking alone. I also heard my mom on the phone saying how well i’m doing like do you not know me at all? bc if there’s one thing i know about myself it’s that i’m a fucking mess. And that’s probably the only thing i know for sure. I’m sorry this is a jumbled mess but i have very few coherent thoughts atm",-0.5036945962355794,1.4082812049180369,1.959034608378872,97.11322707953856,87.36065573770495,5.254159077109897,16.004250151791133,6.605766666666668,-0.4950729811778993,850,17,211,10,27,290,124,244,0.09300000000000001,0.792,0.115,0.6447,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,3,2,23,25,5,1,9,1,22,7,1,3,3,38,52,23,1,4,11,4,1,3,0,2,0,3,2,0,12,11,0,1,8,0,1,3,8,12,1,1,4,5,32,13,18,44,6,18,0,2,1,6,19,6,4,3,10,136,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.10040533507094647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120535651637766,0.0,0.0,0.10656251874684412,0.0,0.08228071651315305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194274865592762,0.10542247798054097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582313885126972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592126184646127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196109146318168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678308349443773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595099620987988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983153510207798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052024035668034194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853591256536653,0.0,0.0,0.058474488533865,0.0,0.08229015282316128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596397322405988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641316671191812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101453652519832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28272696260023594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079987528935002,0.0,0.18170667239746832,0.0,0.0,0.11510706111425835,0.0,0.0,0.27858544200383684,0.0,0.06867955734150932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36150890684769504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972060540246841,0.07825212065906291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133064210689982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109323108385541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094356754824912,0.0,0.0,0.06591366478734073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182188050372838,0.0,0.0,0.08198963081498314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561461954807393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517640030896935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697216030566616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671045802921047,0.0,0.0,0.08168279051819571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697892682972863,0.0,0.08166891637139195,0.0,0.0,0.0925100401214041,0.0,0.09284179348401793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730897669982036,0.0,0.0,0.0662574811721665
bpd,Setrameow,2019/01/18,"Got Sent to the Mental Hospital for admitting I was suicidal Just a reminder: Don't tell your psychiatrist about it unless you actually want to go to a mental hospital.

Of course as someone who's been in and out of mental hospitals since I was 5 I've always been of the opinion that they just fuck you up even more.  Luckily for me, I went ""willingly"" so I was able to petition for a release and got out after 5 days by lying to a couple of psychiatrists and telling them my normal psychiatrist was just exaggerating my suicidal thoughts.

I am currently seeking a new psychiatrist.",9.52327272727273,7.763506600000002,10.475454545454552,59.14318181818182,60.27272727272727,14.618181818181819,42.90909090909091,13.348371206891418,5.951672727272726,466,23,80,16,5,163,72,110,0.159,0.7959999999999999,0.044000000000000004,-0.9288,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,2,0,6,1,1,0,7,0,9,1,0,0,0,14,18,6,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,0,13,0,21,6,1,11,0,0,0,1,10,4,1,1,4,62,16,0,0.1808583109579545,0.0,0.17649162236995974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048860297423358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001162810949242,0.0,0.11663864853312253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194552086723744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720059416863225,0.0,0.0,0.10278594599881713,0.0,0.2892978259884164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467879173507042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467408372266158,0.0,0.0,0.17720274488343998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960786376263666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532406599672724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956592753926099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161562708599832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435812968312425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667491768026048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765746619990524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,viciouslynecessary,2019/01/18,I am so mentally ill Sometimes I wonder if it’s really bpd or ptsd or everything else in the world. Is mental illness even real or just an extreme of a particular way of thinking. I am so exhausted all the time. Does anyone else feel like they can’t remember the last time they relaxed for one second? I think it’s time for me to quit my job and go back to my parents house. I can’t live like this anymore. ,1.6142647058823516,3.5504204705882394,3.8243382352941175,86.56827205882351,79.58823529411767,7.0735294117647065,24.742647058823533,8.07648339933343,1.5209117647058823,320,12,67,6,8,110,62,85,0.105,0.8,0.095,-0.207,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,5,3,0,0,1,13,10,7,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,10,3,7,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,5,7,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999770717983811,0.11985741547580435,0.17563501506223636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318076222315503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158913032912035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000649908884048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863906218695204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321804929747654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540568286315894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866726191907581,0.1224589734719733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974191450546024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778999749418025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010302555032727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972617559142314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674895074572688,0.0,0.15136266361206638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454921838899727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615530022232115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903361701668727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037506541988212,0.0,0.0,0.18232104651591613,0.0,0.19510789824731575,0.10981289502480336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941798798916319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953390559511375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967173454078529,0.0,0.0,0.2998605497571191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606131853259576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589235139590615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,M0LM0,2019/01/18,"Stressed & Scared & Ready for Death I have reached a level of insanity I can’t handle anymore. 

I am so stressed about deciding what to do about university that I am scared of myself. I go back and forth so often and so violently that I can’t figure out what the truth is - what I actually want to do. 

If I go to university it will likely just be more of the same. How can I get a fucking degree and have a future if I keep going back and forth about everything? I am driving myself fucking insane. I have been doing this for 3 years straight now. I have to decide in a few months what the fuck to do, and I can’t. I just fucking can’t!!

Frankly I’m exhausted and I wish I could take time off and go live in a cabin in the woods for a year or two. I can’t do this, though. I have no fucking money and the only options I have is university or a trade. 

I honestly feel like the only thing I can do to escape this mess is to kill myself now. I don’t see a future - I don’t see anything. Everything is exhausting and horrible. 

I can’t just choose one thing - because if I choose one thing, HOURS later I will be vehemently against that option. It happens constantly. The longest I’ve gone without changing my mind is 1 week. 

I can’t handle this indecision, this stupid unknown. ",2.106592825260371,3.856778908745248,4.124318069102333,85.85987435939828,77.40304182509506,7.007373119523888,25.122995536452308,7.893859768569023,1.3784165647214408,995,36,210,16,23,340,124,263,0.21,0.716,0.07400000000000001,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,0,16,20,8,5,15,0,37,7,0,1,1,37,57,19,2,6,9,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,17,10,0,1,6,0,2,6,11,16,0,3,2,3,32,4,23,50,3,27,0,0,2,5,0,7,5,9,16,158,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.1100862422322165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445907640967085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118771615914198,0.0,0.0,0.09283298024566727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348778281791893,0.0,0.06876790099403443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933797343904436,0.0,0.0,0.12190748398049425,0.0,0.09006956897017547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027726255489419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704010238501659,0.0805914537950205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214549241446461,0.058938544991364965,0.0,0.25644998663051016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975746990633848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109508101641663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027067056496657,0.12480750009686654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022649070696727,0.0,0.09961325630069004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390589520228728,0.0,0.09004382914369978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528858889717277,0.17159410710538908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258848879469077,0.0,0.17978985582888615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25844684269886914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481904615906044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248377626693836,0.0,0.11083520719838393,0.0,0.06578039146645613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019893329045702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653823377086104,0.0,0.09048934063855768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972587994721746,0.1087447701811758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529182372354366
bpd,lolipop152,2019/01/18,"Online dating I have this cycle I go through with online dating.  1) I get lonely and seek validation from men; 2) hate how how I feel about myself because I put out quickly and share nudes. Lately I’ve been trying not to do that and go on real dates. I tell the men I’m not interested in just sex and of course they go oh me either. I want a connection and to hang out. So either we meet, I get pressured into having sex because I feel they will run away if I don’t. Or after I send nudes they just block me and disappear. 

I know I need to stop this behavior. But I always seem to be in this cycle. Anyone else in a similar position? And if so, what have you done to get out of this cycle?",0.566872146118719,2.5443445000000007,3.1580547945205484,89.75703652968036,83.45205479452055,5.811141552511415,17.952511415525112,7.0316486544052195,0.1480982648401823,531,12,116,7,15,185,88,146,0.127,0.848,0.025,-0.9219,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,3,0,8,5,1,1,3,0,9,4,2,2,0,34,23,15,0,4,10,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,13,0,2,4,0,0,8,3,3,0,0,2,2,22,2,21,19,2,24,0,1,0,4,11,9,0,4,7,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055758476189648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517282532950965,0.2223374661222416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038743538967115,0.0,0.0,0.26455680575485896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206166884193004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127184139529007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21943882347403887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401134753285667,0.0,0.3699705185021369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142380670029089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925501595699005,0.0,0.2447803019291997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089936524601736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814034635390425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24698831096619706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754449391723333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814178997709875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966357433585992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732565616579293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798952950822326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheKiraOfJustice,2019/05/14,"Uncontrollable shaking after a bad episode? I had a “mental storm” a few days ago, and afterwards, my whole body started shaking. I’ve dealt with slight tremors before, but this is almost unbearable. It gets worse when I’m around anyone, and I can’t even walk down stairs without feeling like my legs are going to give way. Anyone had anything similar?",5.649843750000002,7.703910546875001,5.25825,80.16175000000003,68.53125,7.620000000000001,31.55,8.238735603445708,2.50500375,281,12,47,4,5,86,54,64,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.9087,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,3,0,5,2,2,0,0,8,11,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,2,1,4,1,6,9,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,7,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175496778190611,0.0,0.2457522901236712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34320619729619256,0.0,0.20195942915498152,0.21847548621049015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491512441502172,0.0,0.0,0.208834013374474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726058624808785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827534635693769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209733878553342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240915296065517,0.17532781948979878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822161768566956,0.2354288542241363,0.13947762091026306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989962555346795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473252450791649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370926418457713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194802664262792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27400223179552674,0.0,0.2365757476627487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501035508982642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goldiebug,2019/05/14,"Group leader is hitting on me and I don’t think he knows what he’s getting himself into. For the past month or so my group leader has been showing a lottt of interest in me.. he’s exactly my type.. in the way where he’s very intimidating, off putting, asshole-ish, and seemingly very hard to please. I’m sad to say that recently I have become COMPLETELY infatuated with him. The more attention he gives me.. the more attention I want from him. I know that the biggest reason that I like him is because he’s super intimidating to me and he makes me really nervous.. and I want to feel validation from making him want me, or making him happy... I’ve been playing it off and acting hard to get... but my emotions are going haywire lately over it, especially since just today, he’s been EXTREMELY flirty, so much so he’s asking me to flash him when no ones looking...   and I know, I know, he seems like the sort of guy only interested in sex.. and he’s admitted that but as you can tell I’m in denial and very naive. 

The past few days I’ve got it soooo bad for him. Like complete and utter BPD fixation. He’s all I think about and I look at him even when he’s not looking at me and I feel so stupid because I know he doesn’t really know me. I know that the person I put off is not the person that I am and not the person who he thinks he likes. And I know he doesn’t actually want something serious because he’s told me so.. and I’ve told him I’m just not that kind of girl. But I can’t say no. I want him and the validation from him so badly it has me itching. I know that all of this is a bad idea.. I’m not stupid. Im self aware of the fact that this is alllll bad and I’m making it worse..  but fuck.. I can’t help it. 

He’s a lot older than me and I know that he knows that I’m small and easily manipulated. I’ve never said no to him simply because I can’t. I know he sees right through that. He asked to be FWB...He’s been dating another co worker but all they do is argue and butt heads and I can’t help but notice that he’s always a little more smiley around me and in a better mood than with her.. or maybe my brain makes it out to be that way so maybe I won’t be so jealous. 

And god I know that whoever is reading this is thinking that this is just a situation WAITING to blow up and hit the ceiling fan. And I agree. This is all so bad. But in a self destructive way, I think it’s entertaining.. how if I really wanted to, I could light the match and watch it all blow..

Anyways, not really asking for advice because I know damn well that I shouldn’t get with him, but I’m stupid and I make stupid decisions in hopes of love and validation... but I’d love to hear similar experiences from those who understand where I’m coming from 

Have any of you guys noticed that you only really like people who are intimidating to you... and it’s because you receive more validation from winning over those who are hard to win over? And finding it hard to say no to these types of people simply for that fact.. 

Have any of you guys ever been in a dicey situation like this where you could flip a switch and fuck shit up if maybe you were in a spontaneous self destructive BPD mood? And whatever came of your dicey situation?",2.001076127819548,3.5815058839285747,4.05640664160401,86.9785056390978,77.21428571428572,7.334837092731829,22.206140350877188,8.148292428227768,1.0184023809523812,2502,70,554,44,57,857,249,672,0.159,0.7070000000000001,0.133,-0.9840000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,82.0,0,9,1,5,24,42,12,1,24,0,41,10,5,9,10,124,113,58,0,12,23,0,6,6,0,2,1,5,0,10,44,39,0,1,31,4,0,7,20,20,1,1,11,17,75,20,67,93,12,53,0,1,5,6,83,30,5,10,19,342,119,4,0.0,0.0,0.053527669547566624,0.0,0.0,0.05360076965152996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564128371937275,0.0,0.0,0.07460252378291596,0.0575171369168608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488299367062992,0.1538377329179779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22899577268153246,0.2006237330977524,0.06057975849907419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851216372811961,0.0,0.0,0.13816842517977346,0.06123300701405124,0.0,0.06273611047261768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047250167592287146,0.11502262135326916,0.0,0.0,0.08758976646613878,0.0,0.0,0.03537502206234138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170115175389555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03622924901300476,0.04961680218488858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053655811389202834,0.0,0.0,0.055469669770070784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013376241101372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014196371775058,0.0859737664564114,0.05261906610211326,0.031173673161809957,0.0,0.04387017984875505,0.0,0.0,0.16293640290944078,0.0,0.058391006742152536,0.196546582193303,0.0,0.05629400839874942,0.0,0.06182222522114261,0.0,0.07353232001071036,0.0,0.0,0.05448044318577863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192126614641299,0.059249605905724485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057119949206769924,0.4220333826241968,0.0,0.06187547991405123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078758935665974,0.05497614499412925,0.0,0.0,0.13818567307240026,0.0,0.0,0.046633235047942485,0.09901219870310222,0.0,0.2196849389000188,0.0,0.16531871261880107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378236765530175,0.0,0.04032255398401375,0.0,0.0423052676633868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489880121567272,0.0,0.0,0.03716915564300041,0.0834348822814032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472494004573402,0.07605498326589834,0.1436840326253111,0.0,0.06021105804844897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028288234703797,0.0,0.0,0.05486687452555697,0.0,0.17569807744343574,0.05639702324188527,0.05415976300388321,0.0,0.0,0.04684333458571213,0.052176842267117975,0.13086160944344244,0.0,0.0,0.0437099668208899,0.09987045746060576,0.17166789268281002,0.0,0.05630482135801493,0.04537416669227033,0.18496794244383336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222777312761088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794309260897983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573483250197128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199331150648172,0.1048269320982748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710289851005355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357760099060232,0.19411889355179116,0.13061696666058986,0.0,0.0,0.04931856314160668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589890551206623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Eivetsthecat,2019/05/14,"I feel like I exist in a world separate from everyone else. How do I fix it? I want to join the living. I want to be excited about human stuff like dumb TV shows or concerts. I want to feel like I'm participating in life but it all seems so trite that I can't seem to suspend my painful awareness. I wish I could zap that part of my brain just to dull it a little bit. 

I look so normal but feel so isolated from humanity and pop culture, etc. Just being able to share being excited about anticipating like GOT or something would be awesome but I can't bring myself to feel for it. What can I do? 

It makes me feel like the world and everyone in it is fake. It makes me feel like an almost human cyborg that's missing some abilities it wasn't programmed with. It makes me feel painfully alone. And I'm not talking like joining groups and finding people with like interests...

I just want to literally feel like a normal, ignorantly blissful human for once ever. Feeling like I do makes existence seem literally pointless.",3.457202941176469,5.409475985000004,4.8102352941176525,81.52982352941179,74.15,7.7058823529411775,27.264705882352942,8.4952907291091,2.0194088235294116,807,31,155,15,17,268,108,200,0.141,0.594,0.265,0.9708,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,22,1,0,6,0,14,4,1,5,2,47,41,13,0,9,9,0,9,10,0,1,3,1,0,4,14,6,0,1,13,3,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,11,20,14,20,33,5,8,0,2,1,0,8,6,1,7,11,96,34,1,0.09298278082145167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310882365782196,0.0963021187915487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151311432793053,0.0,0.0,0.10379953464864393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423918440819259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767518208648704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103700379503999,0.0,0.0841082486176684,0.0,0.17769806352885856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231339902296043,0.3985615031860991,0.0,0.0,0.08498457714570122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436682396159547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567648792170942,0.4542668996768559,0.09319317383608992,0.08210549898885648,0.0,0.07808211757826047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24826691288578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220676618269435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902362694516492,0.0,0.0,0.1978804691350333,0.0,0.0,0.10069129052378822,0.0,0.06446255259764633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539440944124934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158268740401226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064430381051561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473603709914503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193746129170916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692560910450828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605229968924768,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,treefrog147,2019/05/14,"Why is there such a lack of help available for bpd So about a month ago I FINALLY got an appointment to see specialists for dbt. I had to completely open up about my childhood and my father and everything that’s gone wrong in my life, only for them to tell me the waiting list for weekly dbt is OVER A YEAR LONG. A year minimum. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to wait that long. ( I’m in the UK and our nhs is brilliant but the mental health department is so underfunded and overcrowded)

I’ve been to hospital on many occasions for mental health breakdowns and self harm, I’ve even been detained under the mental health act. But I still have to wait this long to be actually treated.

I don’t blame the nurses and psychiatrists themselves because I know 99% of them want to help, they just can’t because of funding and the big bosses controlling it all. It just sucks so badly and I’m struggling so much.",3.4884999999999984,5.350990850000001,4.561111111111114,83.73500000000001,73.83333333333334,8.133333333333335,27.0,8.841846274778883,2.109733333333333,723,27,142,15,15,236,108,180,0.147,0.792,0.06,-0.96,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,1,13,7,1,1,11,0,12,4,0,3,1,24,26,15,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,9,0,4,2,0,1,4,3,5,0,0,5,1,14,2,24,20,3,23,0,0,1,0,9,8,1,0,11,90,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.1343040579585702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219979942206489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149127611436849,0.16779223222662018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333633558339967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442992468694016,0.0,0.15436033591448045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090130768562966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369023550050295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076360519941698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821657177480422,0.0,0.11007285067444048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388730614830379,0.0,0.0,0.18449689762358665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127235358432695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720999045974207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36538658055451584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953213387996585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160868099958847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098525247379911,0.0,0.10117164959879607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467150317211472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967086680400506,0.0,0.14357493238775385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990906633889777,0.0,0.0,0.1438775783870815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029202733639728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117594554614936,0.0,0.11039604407713242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418692297819155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047347339442366,0.0,0.17725449718877453
bpd,bees1280,2019/05/14,i hate everything i do i kinda just want to die everything i say and do either gets ignored or made fun of i dont know how to make these people like me i dont know how to be normal all i know is i cant fucking do anything the right way.,-0.17290909090909068,1.1802175272727309,2.860000000000003,94.15000000000002,82.81818181818181,5.854545454545455,20.090909090909093,6.742157984588678,0.1120181818181818,184,5,46,2,5,66,36,55,0.18100000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.125,-0.6222,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,4,1,16,17,4,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,9,2,4,15,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810463679164494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833171504865896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5156912872606413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954547971137828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033921991919289,0.11494416610054795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172105877444576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627289837404213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748392294345242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817519868415627,0.14685585584711452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155593774286408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252460703327514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878841041838096,0.0,0.17495777132991194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976536485105747,0.17463069178196908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fitinabit,2019/05/14,"How do I make things feel real? BPD has made me feel so detached from reality most of the time. That along with some trauma a few years ago means that I haven't really felt like anything I've experienced in the last 4 years is real. Like it exists on the surface but not deep in my mind - deep down in my mind I'm still living the same life as I was 4 years ago and everything that's happening now is just a weird dream or something. I don't like it, but it's been tolerable so I haven't really spoken to anyone about it.

But - something really good has started happening in my personal life recently and I want to feel it - properly *feel it* so badly. It just feels like it's on the surface and I can't make it seep into my subconscious. I realize this might be a futile question. but does anyone know of any techniques or anything at all that could help me feel like things are more real?",1.7668192918192889,3.9200999065934106,3.589597069597069,87.33595848595849,80.15384615384616,7.121367521367523,21.649572649572647,8.167268648758528,1.1773909645909648,701,21,146,14,18,235,102,182,0.139,0.7879999999999999,0.073,-0.9039,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,8,0,15,2,0,4,1,42,32,14,0,2,9,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,16,6,0,0,11,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,8,14,6,18,25,6,24,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,6,16,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332372837054455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799014036734574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038167542628393,0.0,0.18875295301301465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575768512566774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444249775599816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156711911402562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036214093718808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307202182155344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479309100120937,0.1638628303342875,0.11011616058210844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619283960288127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283219368912955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687133984715354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302820617387415,0.09348407044027823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201166110478946,0.2801479545058116,0.0,0.10126948545786384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851828718773046,0.15310705637126418,0.0,0.0,0.12492623904391956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216632974085752,0.23159952452378746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013904181581648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847411842397116,0.0,0.0,0.3916119601643124,0.22041159511374495,0.0,0.11323819368969695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765811549864474,0.0,0.0,0.08117505757900405,0.0,0.09158806787156107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523840325581784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687409532037078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764453796099305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215612978051396
bpd,THAT_LMAO_GUY,2019/05/14,"My therapist pointed out that it was not normal that I couldn't feel my arms/legs. We were doing Body Scan Meditation. He was instructing me to breathe in deeply and imagine the breathe being channelled to different body parts. First it was to breathe in to my toes. Then to breathe in to my foot. Then shin, then upper leg. 

I found it incredibly difficult to make myself 'feel' this. I was concentrating so hard. I did deadlifts and squats only yesterday. Yet I could not feel my legs or arms without tensing them or punching them or moving them around.

I could however easily do it to my hands and face. And bizarrely only after doing it to my eyelids could I suddenly feel my arms and legs.

Does this count as depersonalisation/dissociation? Is it really not normal to not be able to feel my arms/legs much if I am sat relaxed?",3.917142857142857,6.203782229299363,4.8676478616924514,80.13785031847138,73.84076433121021,8.052593266606005,27.77479526842584,8.841846274778883,2.3115572338489536,658,26,123,14,14,214,87,157,0.031,0.919,0.051,0.4662,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,3,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,17,15,15,1,0,31,25,14,0,7,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,1,0,1,8,8,23,1,19,11,2,16,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,4,8,91,33,1,0.1655996557499411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474188027832838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678877715362283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966535504490997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301639416864215,0.0,0.0,0.14491737470316066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186608083004669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085898258427654,0.0,0.181571475055018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834476446467112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053905611548667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600622669221574,0.1217348011168076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245050049976889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189200080822466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932828960853944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565452012227544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060873798949432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227396391803345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963215870544695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SHThrowAway213,2019/05/14,"Holy shit if someone could help me find something to help with my suicidal thoughts that'd be great Music helps but I get so bored of it now I'm just bored or sad all the time. 
I got into an argument with my husband today and walked out and went to the cliff and the only thing that stopped me is that's gonna hurt a lot if I survive and if I survive I won't be able to go to the music festival next month. 
I'm getting desperate I hate being like this",2.625974025974024,3.3102651616161616,4.10955266955267,90.78909090909092,74.15151515151516,7.273304473304473,26.26406926406927,7.447530270364453,1.102109956709957,357,12,83,4,7,119,70,99,0.28800000000000003,0.5820000000000001,0.13,-0.9683,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,2,0,6,0,7,1,1,0,1,20,17,10,1,4,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,3,0,10,3,9,7,2,11,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,5,7,51,16,0,0.21014565615987188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778420673598646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920693226205644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958486380286607,0.0,0.1194306192042018,0.0,0.1680726784020824,0.2316863277955963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074753288682993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42256861093093456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22496527125498286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266655273261076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786583219873437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773625784030358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223492289376514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982524103552126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571149617388435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805573251582954,0.1617803928997216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569117824924513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298652398187249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961143623054326,0.0,0.0,0.16683217749336013,0.12253762205342204,0.0,0.19919351035293686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480712861943844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a-ton-of-bees,2019/05/14,"Why am I all of a sudden doubting everything.... I don’t know if its just my paranoid thoughts acting up or just because i miss him a little but I’m doubting my relationship. 

I hate therapy and I refuse to go but I could use a therapist to talk to right now because I feel like I can’t explain this to my friends.

I waited months and months to finally be in a relationship with him and it has been a few months and we’re in love. He is the person who loves me just a LITTLE more than I love him, but I know I do and the thought of not being with him makes me feel like puking. Recently nothing has changed besides we haven’t seen eachother a TON lately, but I keep just not feeling good and not feeling as into him and I hope this is just a small thing because I can’t take losing him because I really love him, I would be so upset and sad and alone all the time without him. I’m just getting a little bored and maybe restless.....

He is great, and being with him is helping me heal from past trauma but sometimes my mind just starts splitting thinking I don’t really want to be in this, and I can’t tell how I really feel.

All advice is welcome, please help me try to figure this out.",3.0888439046333787,4.086527927125509,4.428063427800272,87.75633715699509,73.37246963562755,7.108322087269458,26.677687809266768,7.3871296695380915,1.2485458389563653,926,32,199,10,18,307,125,247,0.163,0.632,0.204,0.9613,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,1,10,21,1,4,12,0,23,5,0,3,3,64,53,22,0,5,18,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,18,0,3,12,0,0,2,10,10,0,0,4,6,38,11,22,42,6,24,0,3,1,4,28,11,0,5,13,141,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287099919690368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090304878932996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25669238234889924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113642712077811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840514684245579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461207113878338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661445158095127,0.15041328855885575,0.0,0.11532080024383727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133321747059545,0.0,0.05500049916938608,0.0,0.05982874737884579,0.08829751879036359,0.0,0.11606322456651474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039347289741567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112378016109955,0.0,0.0,0.10455927524263113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357097183057736,0.0,0.0,0.11570994768292228,0.0,0.118751885204781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028615825426486,0.31653188961504986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777292035548025,0.0,0.0,0.38004990896543095,0.0,0.07027016378084976,0.0,0.1057603044608298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629514344779704,0.0,0.2520823453014652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101173479482768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049444526057273,0.0,0.09191982441608072,0.0,0.11555751427479585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023206409283188,0.0,0.1039438234319819,0.2260463831805261,0.0,0.08990207912825254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411712404491033,0.0,0.07451236704812138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915176525825332,0.08461399074478744,0.09201274297625066,0.0,0.12038819709247875,0.12222940388777645,0.06993832406707594,0.06745432175958421,0.0,0.1671490990906935,0.06138519990174129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147306899629363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092157848411687,0.0,0.0,0.06209240611187177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949919930524467,0.0,0.0,0.101478864856625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747825131156421,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadskepticalpanda,2019/05/14,"College roommate discriminating me So, I don't know if I'm batshit crazy but things with my roommate have been iffy for the past few months. Our relationship has always been very one sided; she often only talks about herself and asks me for help, while I am usually very quiet and don't interact with her much. I haven't broken down in front of her, nor have I told her that much about my life in general. However, she does know that I have BPD. During the first semester, we were friendly with each other, and I'd try to help her as much as possible. Lately, though, she has been avoiding me, not talking to me, and SLEEPING IN THE LIBRARY instead of our room. I thought it was odd, and so I asked her what was up. She said that she just had a lot of work to do. However, a friend of mine told me that in reality, she's been telling people that she doesn't sleep in our room anymore because she's scared of me since I have BPD. Mind you... I have never done anything to hurt this girl, she barely knows much about my personal life, I have never broken down in front of her, nor have I had any outbursts. I am on medication and attend therapy every week, I have a very supportive boyfriend, and am keeping my grades up. My life this semester has been pretty average and I have no complaints. I just don't understand WHY she would be scared of me. The semester ends in a week, but I'd still like to resolve this situation. I just don't know how to confront it. Any ideas?",4.714291084854995,5.266510554421772,5.45562119584676,83.50880236305048,69.3061224489796,8.774507697815968,29.41926244181883,8.841846274778883,2.1131863945578218,1149,41,239,19,19,374,146,294,0.092,0.79,0.11800000000000001,0.8779,2,2,0,0,0,0,39.0,4,1,0,3,13,10,1,3,8,0,35,6,2,1,2,38,49,20,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,1,4,2,2,2,13,13,0,2,8,0,0,3,12,5,0,2,15,2,51,5,35,32,7,30,0,1,0,0,38,15,0,3,13,179,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573524061056581,0.0,0.0,0.14013771755435758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218525847225164,0.0,0.0,0.08479087193681954,0.0,0.19265182705788653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281054719043341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595436020249965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016858601331014,0.10544287371617744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126041453601301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681332148416197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764342655884923,0.0,0.0,0.1592126372380766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812738457431836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030350007557106,0.11631650600835815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158423616686494,0.0,0.0,0.2265062971588237,0.0,0.11623049848779145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183347564590488,0.05033879248972888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759857965141751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379918260963836,0.0,0.0,0.10403824316947637,0.0,0.08224334461114796,0.0,0.30297691792438114,0.0,0.15893734823568645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982070272032229,0.07836446660541742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836070768685508,0.07143305094162636,0.08996814656346343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615901024939765,0.0,0.10482591904690984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106234387484784,0.0,0.0,0.09801201371932793,0.0,0.20631651117613445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523347245849948,0.11581817861922665,0.20622331123432647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228567563976405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692544270959107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563486645030648,0.09005909224023056,0.0,0.11783206755813196,0.0,0.06845336607245424,0.0,0.10123356844495623,0.0818000618499418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691300317432325,0.0,0.06995552469391081,0.0,0.0,0.10726540413327892,0.0,0.0,0.11348096656044265,0.2550495500961217,0.0,0.0,0.16530052301297918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297508570744094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501234032810543,0.0,0.0,0.07319470139452522,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cecilivan,2019/05/14,"What do you wish people understood? I hope this is okay to ask, as I've never posted here before. I'm a non-BP, and I'm hoping for a little advice to try and better understand my SO. Sometimes I find myself on the receiving end of every bad name and accusation in the book, with very little understanding as to why. I'm never entirely sure where it comes from, and I would love some perspective on it.

For those of you who have similar outbursts, what do you wish the other person understood about what you're feeling during and after that moment?",6.634797507788164,6.444163336448599,7.57621495327103,72.50799844236762,65.16822429906543,10.497819314641744,29.048286604361373,10.125756701596842,2.8051445482866044,435,12,78,9,6,147,75,107,0.067,0.741,0.192,0.9229,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,1,4,7,0,0,5,1,5,1,0,0,3,23,20,8,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,8,6,16,17,1,14,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,3,5,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605585241144832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886373795760336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418863515522849,0.0,0.0,0.14459984992475766,0.0,0.0,0.1502912878409892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638160808381367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050955708190808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317527080960546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592286413547548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531502077071918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375621839679955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406335647284845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337051278988525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621244929507334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780964301877984,0.1483783079398957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627481458341714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806736513575612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601591581251917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537286008007422,0.0,0.0,0.353810982524976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021192362565502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533374469163433,0.0,0.39082745968168986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071501256752674,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yellowposy2,2019/05/14,How do I do better This weekend I went off my meds and couldn’t care about anything and missed work and I was fired and I really understand because I would hate to be my coworkers but damn why the fuck am I the worst when am I going to be a fucking adult and handle things like a normal person I fucking hate myself and I want to die,1.15466800804829,3.145248169014085,2.9910663983903447,91.683661971831,81.39436619718309,5.74728370221328,20.00201207243461,6.868970318607317,0.292012474849094,264,7,57,3,7,88,48,71,0.354,0.544,0.10099999999999999,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,2,3,11,6,0,4,0,9,3,0,1,0,13,20,9,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,8,0,0,2,1,12,3,5,14,1,5,0,1,0,3,2,1,4,0,3,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678085332260937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243075528579159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803503981439769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790971875163305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163644779107751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5655614140535216,0.0,0.0,0.11589226153365298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026569607560012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962486219470004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265088098295512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979800404570053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780548114086456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063617775385986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547518373872575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122875932555822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027711900442035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890355994887921,0.18400580631794405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845596603482794,0.0,0.0,0.14485870000357387,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AHoneyman,2019/05/14,"Frustrated with portrayal and perception of BPD I'm sure this topic has come up many times, and I'm sure everyone else here feels similarly, but when people use BPD as a way to categorise violent abusive people it makes me want to shrivel up and disappear.

It makes me feel as though maybe I DON'T have BPD - maybe I'm making it all up and just assigning random normal feelings to each symptom like a checklist.

But then it makes me scared that I'm secretly being abusive and manipulative and awful, as I was called so many years ago, and that I haven't changed a bit and I was like this all along. 

All stigmatising mental health conditions does is make the people with them terrified to come out and ask for help. The stress and upset at the stigma can make things worse.",10.60259009009009,7.591791195945947,9.816486486486486,68.61725225225227,59.33783783783784,13.65045045045045,38.85585585585586,11.855464076750405,4.357036936936937,619,21,116,14,6,198,92,148,0.256,0.6609999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,3,6,1,9,2,0,8,5,41,27,19,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,17,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,3,8,4,17,24,5,14,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,71,17,1,0.0,0.2692693060516833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072739880458204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623003974818546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405608171764235,0.0,0.4293443915985006,0.0,0.11603038584397316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020697668667953,0.19576681557495215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943962247867504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949244715833006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857969256558167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236638246845387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078488713685095,0.0,0.0,0.07616474641184601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102914534940353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550991362542261,0.2304088519678762,0.2283160714800389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451374621777205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133466658331263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633315987965295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376487582628668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016440911374033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419253949841666,0.11810655536594013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549166711602408,0.0,0.11164229443333608,0.0,0.06625939552667055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981410639752177,0.0,0.0,0.0670227563379241,0.0901953330756628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158001260508613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317490972821829
bpd,bpdthrowawayz,2019/05/14,"drugs i was heavily addicted to benzos for a couple years, never going more than a few days without them. amongst the benzos i also used many opiates as i am a ‘downer’ kind of person bc i have so much anxiety. throughout that time i felt so confident, i felt like i could be myself like i knew myself, i felt like i could handle my emotions, i felt like i was whole. 
i know this is wrong however because i’ve been told by many that i was getting in fights, stealing, and overall just being a shitty person.

well, i’ve been completely sober from all pills for 3 months, and wow. now is around the time i feel that void caving inside of me.... i miss the drugs so much, despite how many bridges they burned. because it was still better than feeling like this. lost, broken, sensitive, insecure, highly and overly emotional, impulsive, disgusting, empty. 
i had almost forgotten what this felt like and now it’s like an old enemy lurking at me through the bushes. i feel it creeping it’s way back to me and with each day its force is stronger.

it’s not fair, i don’t understand why i can’t use drugs as a tool without abusing them. i don’t understand why i feel like less than a person without them. i hardly enjoy things without forcing myself to, i have absolutely zero sense of identity, and i’m constantly at battle with my own impulsive thoughts and flashbacks. i don’t have money for therapy or anything. i relapsed recently and cut myself worse than i have in over 6 months.",4.283904306220094,5.929814961403513,5.1956060606060595,80.88613636363638,71.3157894736842,8.129186602870815,29.094896331738443,8.710501217029153,2.377771929824561,1164,46,212,21,22,380,161,285,0.16399999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.146,-0.525,1,0,3,0,1,1,38.0,0,0,4,2,12,22,4,1,11,0,23,5,0,3,2,41,45,16,0,2,7,0,10,8,0,0,5,0,0,3,14,12,0,0,14,0,1,1,10,9,1,1,16,10,40,13,31,25,9,25,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,2,23,151,54,0,0.0,0.09903673098649396,0.0,0.09112198778356496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370014093261881,0.0,0.0,0.06684436156945668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394369981467234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878484295888554,0.07441000438668577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427311643360037,0.0,0.10190751730622404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392576274528175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763920595416971,0.09032767362332436,0.0,0.1334745720883432,0.09248724283012084,0.0,0.1078131869254854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080257382142866,0.0,0.0,0.18804787728011355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905606065987466,0.11942890292757764,0.4012823477444348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043670671249891935,0.0,0.04750432446127148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487738582971122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831408017412175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704282572815047,0.04593713840706128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266904426906693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124490414281773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542317929642113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343642810293554,0.0,0.12289188236632614,0.0,0.06446731994240809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877103222759741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189544000897069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253191534817056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675255422381339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558883022863883,0.0,0.05553137888249771,0.0,0.0,0.06635861007029081,0.0974803110881572,0.0,0.0,0.079870802661405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403368569500607,0.0,0.14438437554076608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634733879647697,0.0,0.0,0.0751546028368818,0.0,0.15084823456564,0.093321715966905,0.0,0.3222989036748664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518212565750065,0.0,0.09138908214391747,0.0,0.053827181092252326
bpd,DM_ME_BEST_WAIFU,2019/05/14,"Hey you guys who are seeking support, I’d like to be there for you! A while ago I broke up with my girlfriend who had BPD and I could just see her suffer when she was at her lows. She always told me that me being there for her meant the world to her. I would never wish anyone to go through so much pain by something which isn’t even your own fault.

So if any of you are feeling down or out, I’d be glad to talk to you!",2.6783870967741947,2.711757215053765,3.5238172043010785,97.40572580645164,73.6236559139785,6.2,21.951612903225808,3.1291,-0.3650129032258067,323,6,83,0,6,103,70,93,0.16699999999999998,0.738,0.094,-0.8186,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,12,17,7,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,2,17,3,15,8,2,11,0,3,1,0,18,6,0,2,5,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284500398439405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144406909331024,0.0,0.0,0.17525599020970706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802012998433704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245847853761515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576557569189705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021925233532692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030915589996991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646616981335658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551797551889354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590721581185152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945120802658397,0.0,0.19876677622886052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274228421111665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053666050097556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984026764393475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29245351787364765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714268106829464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462590654303839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29636114255543894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307433708595405,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jmcullough101,2019/05/14,"DAE feels a strong sense of connection to their FP in an almost sixth-sense manner? Like you can sense if they are going through major emotional shifts, either good or bad. Even when you're away and no longer talk to each other.

I hope this is just the BPD. :-(",3.692647058823528,5.282737823529415,3.4962254901960783,92.70551470588238,72.72549019607844,6.668627450980392,18.63235294117647,7.1686216300943375,0.021505882352941263,203,3,43,2,4,61,47,51,0.134,0.654,0.212,0.5770000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,6,4,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,6,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,2,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333450452813994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127646748411707,0.0,0.27795241050488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192680762691469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744607085994856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987320936161373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832110307056602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891912129676432,0.2792155178546949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33063864741994325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263509116936545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26756741941582823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eraserway,2019/05/14,"How do you bring up paranoia and insecurities with your SO without sounding like an obsessive freak? Every now and then I become convinced that my SO is cheating on me. I KNOW deep down that he wouldn’t do that, we’re in a really good place and I know he loves me so much. But my brain keeps finding tiny bits of “evidence” to convince me that he’s doing something behind my back and it’s so loud I can’t ignore it. It drags down my whole mood, makes me distant and irritable with my SO, and sometimes gets bad enough to make me suicidal. i feel like such a shitty person because i DO trust him, but my mental illness doesn’t.

I keep it all to myself because I know it’s my problem, not his, and i don’t want him to feel guilty or defensive. I never know whether I should bring it up with him or not. i know it’ll just make me sound crazy to be like, “hey are you cheating on me? The reason I ask is because I’ve been obsessively checking when you were last online on messenger after you spent a long time in the bathroom and i noticed you were last online when i left the room”.

Whenever I have brought up any worries with him he’s so supportive and reassuring. Which makes me feel even worse for thinking about bringing it up again. it’s so fucking hard.

How do you guys deal with this? Is it best to speak up and risk sounding accusatory to let him know how i feel and get reassurance or just quietly try to deal with it myself?",3.3688978829389815,4.643689376712331,4.4171855541718585,87.03372976338731,73.04109589041096,7.363885429638858,26.97135740971357,7.84624498591911,1.4496452054794524,1126,40,238,15,22,367,154,292,0.20600000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.092,-0.9869,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,7,0,1,20,25,4,4,7,0,21,4,1,8,2,58,50,30,1,4,11,0,5,3,0,3,1,6,1,2,17,17,0,4,13,0,2,4,8,12,0,0,5,11,47,12,32,40,6,32,0,0,0,2,27,16,1,3,15,168,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883997557549083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083838498648729,0.0,0.0,0.08914708490072128,0.0968011279491703,0.21201923762413968,0.12804142375488575,0.0,0.0,0.12166693851386025,0.0,0.12657131417423784,0.0,0.0,0.12942213031423436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904839502130626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979215025812286,0.0,0.07657416833819684,0.0,0.09768048552358828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23448147264178196,0.08282419726670444,0.0,0.0,0.1059627584582311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718031123473563,0.12114281222406645,0.0,0.0,0.09724102417443012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147941684753956,0.0,0.0,0.10385525149696576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609723259392687,0.0,0.0,0.3822900339896661,0.18900547673061807,0.0,0.0,0.12596403625671945,0.11855169306901653,0.0,0.1699203857312939,0.0,0.0,0.10259908700346368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463612933716636,0.0,0.3095508362439067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683550817595514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522578084601086,0.0,0.08941644599052598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199310074154216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123022697132657,0.12112770676016542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093441904580484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742711180903684,0.11920079132601248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925265348062146,0.11466297031812188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681439468067893,0.13156199784404105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428665519431757,0.0,0.0,0.06760280231395245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871245449818698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838164023734733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943761556944708,0.0,0.1117574863473258,0.0,0.0,0.1177379187869522,0.11814796931245895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mmmakeme,2019/05/14,"My boyfriend makes me feel insecure I'm just geniunely wondering whether its my problem or his or if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.
He's pretty into me most of the time unless he's mad, but he tends to bring up fucking other girls before in lots of conversations, and also his types and how he likes girls with great butts and boobs, I dont have either of those, I'd say I'm average at best. He knows that I feel insecure and I've been avoiding wearing different clothes in public because of my insecurities too but he still continues to talk about girls and fucking them and what he would do to someone hot hypothetically and making overly sexualized jokes infront of his friend while I'm around. For example he'd joke to his friend and say, ""damn I saw this hot chick today, I wish (my name) isn't here right now. "" He literally say that right infront of me as a joke but I'm super uncomfortable with. I've had a conversation about this with him and he says I'm way too sensitive and I can't take a joke without crying about it.",5.983118022328548,5.851009253588523,6.898193779904307,76.62693979266349,66.51196172248804,10.028867623604468,32.24920255183413,9.725611199111238,2.829315470494419,830,31,167,16,12,278,122,209,0.099,0.693,0.20800000000000002,0.9829,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,12,19,4,4,6,0,9,5,3,4,0,42,29,22,0,4,11,0,4,1,2,1,0,4,0,4,9,16,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,9,19,10,29,24,4,18,0,0,1,4,31,10,5,6,7,101,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059625549044015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424569686011995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192746183002956,0.0,0.12832134231545542,0.0,0.15825733039428705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564884799253354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575559288562361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673874844904622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152499982084213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330184067364855,0.278827923740446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625966923640872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287680141998706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367420970142641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282064151241304,0.0,0.0,0.3019843942220529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341978541862278,0.0,0.14429708860497245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575680624996365,0.0,0.4796950159936213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277739928609243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043062264047134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338428998905968,0.12120888564438193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793382287793873,0.0,0.14294260460002822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969955928589128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341478662042265,0.14536768703922745,0.1635382691913084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712537017398337,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toxxicomane,2019/05/14,"After a few months of an emotionally healing break, ready and hungry to get into new sales job and ready for the challenge, I find myself slipping again and I don’t know what to do. Most of you are probably reading this like SALES? you’re EXPECTING to be fucked up! I know. But it’s such a good place - and amazing pay.

I want to face my fears and grow, and I have been growing so much, learning how to control my toxic emotions enhanced by BPD and such. I can even say successfully that I am no longer on antidepressants! Go me!

But today I had my first bad day at my new job and the whole day was a persistent and recurring internal anxiety attack. Getting home I’m still, even as I’m writing this, having an anxiety attack. 

How the FUCK am I expected to go into this world and function normally if even after all this progress I return to this state any time work is involved. 

Help. How do you guys adult?",2.8518333333333348,4.859958683333336,4.071944444444443,85.90625000000004,76.05555555555556,7.166666666666668,26.25,8.07648339933343,1.6618333333333335,713,27,142,12,16,233,118,180,0.14800000000000002,0.711,0.141,-0.5178,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,7,11,11,4,1,8,0,14,4,1,4,1,30,25,18,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,8,12,0,1,4,1,3,4,2,6,0,1,3,1,18,5,19,21,5,27,0,0,0,2,8,7,2,2,15,98,26,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093337838386222,0.0,0.2099987950170593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31229385689954825,0.0,0.0,0.11460186244568613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728673707746838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394271103991616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703573148660576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087859143965147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719661173182249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444959021483984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254482228303389,0.11674869730330092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25377934214689657,0.14341973277497372,0.0,0.15600991065389366,0.11512265107455495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590363856185794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199886884919777,0.0,0.1376775603512282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27240803440832306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086308330568685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705566723878441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955531660746663,0.0,0.10089792774387236,0.0,0.0,0.2651227065170639,0.0,0.0,0.1344803714566597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340184957120494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798367917771393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729174852382958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091503712728284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961170523397837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800342642267,0.0,0.13010131723366214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095632245531124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532398653719873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992298748266967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,try4gain,2019/05/14,"The big problem with BPD is 90% of your emotions are bullshit fantasy land stuff. - legacy emotions from the distant past (comes up perhaps subconsciously)
- living in imagination land (so so so often)
- living in a fantasy script / life that only exist in your mind
- living in the past
- replaying the past
- fighting with people in your head (i do this 27hrs a day 300 weeks a year)",16.072352941176472,8.923627411764711,14.155294117647054,54.13382352941179,54.29411764705882,16.541176470588233,51.647058823529406,12.161744961471696,6.213182352941175,296,12,48,5,2,95,47,68,0.127,0.873,0.0,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,7,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,10,4,0,16,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,6,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301780148789749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743032121761008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786415520065832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111575740399228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756301356037108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908777928827073,0.0,0.0,0.4841374836209865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845340520622025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389961241159587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523391189629963,0.12670177753723774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487526464319805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092148323471701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659789703434653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176905238995671
bpd,Dabba2087,2019/05/14,"Anyone have a lot of aspirations yet they find it hard to do even simple tasks? I want to travel the world and learn to sail, yet its hard for me to leave the house to shop or cook myself decent meals. Was wondering if this was common with anyone else or is it just me? Are we dreamers and not doers?",4.096451612903227,4.482034935483874,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,70.61290322580646,7.490322580645162,20.33870967741936,7.1686216300943375,0.2785354838709675,234,3,51,2,4,76,49,62,0.073,0.9059999999999999,0.021,-0.3049,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,14,8,5,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,8,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,3,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895997178488128,0.2854531446426554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232730083975145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840091407218533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546304655416063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4991321747826544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321460824560354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949915114809544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368512112180939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432234439232676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30212401696880226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xgodisdeadx,2019/05/14,"Abilify and super boredom™ I wanna stop taking my abilify 5 mg because of this. The boredom is so bad i feel like im forcing myself to even do enjoyable things. I feel so dead, irritated, annoyed, and fucking BOREEEDDD. Its like i wanna do something, but i dont know what. Very rarely I feel the urge to DO something. I've only been on them for around 1 and a half months but the feeling is getting worse. I tried riding it out but to no avail.

It worked on the sadness/anxiety mood swings but my anger mood swings are worse than they ever were before and I think its just because the boredom is driving me crazy. The only other pill i was on was 10 mg prozac and it made gave me self harm urges.

Do i stop the pill and contact my doc? Or do i keep taking it in hopes that boredom will cease? I wanted this journey of meds to be easy but seems like of course like myself its going to be difficult :/",2.28967391304348,4.0592988369565255,3.645,89.41250000000002,76.93478260869566,5.9043478260869575,24.54347826086957,6.6274283507984215,0.793615217391304,702,24,145,6,16,230,108,184,0.242,0.643,0.115,-0.9811,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,2,6,15,3,0,8,0,17,4,0,1,1,31,34,14,1,4,7,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,8,0,3,7,0,0,4,2,6,0,1,6,4,21,7,18,25,0,14,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,3,8,96,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187795435582184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822137885095498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964223829107707,0.1892997813055394,0.0,0.1321215747371688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197286079473834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255300520727717,0.14044873441922076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140325282886243,0.11092344217265196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435427018629539,0.08112108640846802,0.0,0.08824234432641656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542160913056846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771601146901444,0.0,0.0,0.13800927274888442,0.0,0.0,0.08533119522604532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034242761999683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691827217907788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246767062304685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393338256968454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361765189778536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135009450974556,0.16197831652452094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906568065449565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596218884149983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348432417396975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315311525511804,0.09948942185473104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054167342749128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811230548294933,0.09158104958280984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303690426605455,0.0,0.3164625767430213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweetspectre,2019/05/14,"I Was Diagnosed Today  

I went back to the psychiatrist today for the first time in a few years. I’ve been having these episodes lately. Episodes where I hurt myself, where I scream and throw things, where I am sure I want to die, and where I can’t entirely remember going out to sit in the corner of my yard in the rain.

I’ve had these problems all my life. Everyone I’ve ever been close to has had to deal with it. I was hospitalized at 15. It’s never left me, but I’ve managed.

But these episodes, they’re increasing in frequency and severity. So, I went back to the doctor. It turns out that I’ve got another badge to add to my mental illness vest. It’s a big one. Borderline Personality Disorder.

Personality Disorder. My personality is disordered. This has made it hard for me to tell whether or not every little thing I’ve ever done was really me or the demon inside me, and if those two things are even different.

So, I’ll take the lithium. I’ll try the therapy. I’ve spent time on here and everything I see is deeply relatable and I wonder how this hasn’t been clearer to me sooner. This diagnosis. How did no one ever catch it?

I’m afraid that I won’t remember doing something much worse when I get in that state. I’m afraid of getting into that state at all. I have hope, but I think things are going to be hard for a while. I'm glad I found you all.

I'm learning these terms...FP and whatnot. A lot of things are clicking for me.",1.7704954689890575,3.9272528566552936,3.734645168883136,86.28238907849831,80.16040955631402,7.3178298222902205,22.731434623984946,8.326086129247049,1.3921122513828408,1129,37,237,24,29,382,155,293,0.105,0.857,0.038,-0.9477,1,0,1,0,0,3,38.0,0,1,0,1,16,8,0,2,12,0,25,4,0,3,8,42,46,20,1,4,8,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,3,23,13,0,0,6,1,1,7,6,5,0,4,16,5,28,3,30,28,7,45,1,1,2,0,6,20,0,6,15,162,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674944249591783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656062306803986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495454144582972,0.0,0.10332801882624353,0.10565556077183866,0.10636258752764267,0.3500255689302128,0.10419980201015767,0.0,0.10417993197189196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723999735547198,0.2762602376743707,0.08577351515303386,0.09727723909678757,0.09149407549465127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659367764635911,0.0,0.1116218610430546,0.0,0.0,0.1063758516789198,0.0,0.11571411266118332,0.0,0.08142125098854534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239118981131572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111346372158417,0.0,0.0,0.10898234019177264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483834799600508,0.0,0.11060938236219096,0.0,0.07190655082811129,0.0,0.10203346590740464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654936789264392,0.0,0.09632856894661443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259359561150724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483700317049694,0.0,0.07851683828134473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379688508720315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666716599695861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741183228169532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521768231197632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306461680167847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112390219265676,0.0,0.0,0.11500854288987868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837301160752197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594823113424593,0.0,0.07654327295563176,0.0,0.08898040969835677,0.0,0.11642073427699245,0.0,0.3381673302963652,0.06523132548762063,0.0,0.0,0.11872443011686508,0.0,0.19299489906308212,0.0,0.0,0.06911763257976808,0.11073255566246472,0.09944685082231232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004611487799205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874501512655856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040113563007474,0.0,0.0,0.1037460715085736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555786833913113
bpd,AssortedThrowaway,2019/05/14,"My mom has many traits but believes there is nothing wrong with her. Is discussing the possibility of BPD likely to go well at all with my mom? Not diagnosing her, simply thinking that she may have it or traits of it and would benefit from DBT or even talking to a profession about these issues in general so if it isn't BPD she can still find a way to not feel so upset all the time.

My mom has at least 7 of the 9 criteria very strongly. I would say 8 but for reckless behaviour it's really only substance abuse (historically drugs, now she just binge drinks) - rather than binge eat she starves herself (and in her paranoia blames her refusing to eat on my father and says he's trying to kill her). 

The thing is, my father isn't great either. To an extent she has a reason to be angry. But it is out of proportion. Tonight she threw a screaming tantrum, refused to eat for the third day in a row, threw out several of her cooking pots, all of their dinner and chain smoked when she had been quitting for a while/binge drank until she passed out because my father discussed adding an ingredient he liked to a separate pot of dinner. I understand no one likes doing dishes, but the level of rage when more adult reactions (talking it over, deciding that he should be the one to clean that specific pot, etc.) is disproportionate and it happens frequently over small things like this. I was there during this confrontation and many father wasn't being rude or mean, he was just excited to put blue cheese in his dinner and knew she didn't like it so he elected to add it to a separate pot. 

She always believes that her reactions are normal and the things she was upset over were valid. When I tried talking to her about this incident she says that ""everyone always wants something different for dinner and I'm tired of working my fingers to the bone to clean the kitchen"". Not to invalidate her experience, but here is how everyone else sees things: it is exceedingly rare that my parents (and I, when I visit) don't eat the same meal. I can't think of a single instance other than the above. Her kitchen is never, ever clean and she rarely works on it. There are pots out there from 3 months ago with ecosystems growing in them. They are hoarders so this makes sense. Which I'm sure can make cleaning feel like even more of an insurmountable task, but the reality is that she isn't constantly cleaning. And when others try to help her clean she gets upset and insists that they stop and they're doing it all wrong and takes it to mean we're rushing her to do it herself instead of trying to help. Explaining our intentions doesn't help.

Sorry for the long history but I wanted to give some insight into her thinking. Given that she doesn't understand her reactions are out of place is there any reason to really bring up the possibility of something being off? When she has asked my opinion on things in the past and I have disagreed (lightly, calmly, in a non accusatory manner) she has told me that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because she knows how she feels. 

I don't want her to be so miserable all the time. I don't want my father to have to deal with it all the time. I don't want my niece's to be made to feel like garbage because they asked to bake a cake at nana's and haven't learned to walk on eggshells yet so they didn't know the exact right moment to ask. But I also don't want to be split black for bringing up this possibility when there's no hope of it ending well.

My instinct as someone who knows how to walk on eggshells around her is that it isn't going to go well but I would really appreciate the perspective of someone who might have been there. I would also like to clarify that I love my mom and she isn't as bad as this all the time, but even if it's only one rage like this a day it's still very hard to deal with.",5.7729630263608325,6.032803652230974,6.0153166723724745,81.4402019856214,66.93963254593176,9.14577199589182,29.819810567157372,8.964715089967882,2.2064235079310746,3061,101,612,48,46,978,315,762,0.124,0.7509999999999999,0.126,-0.3116,2,0,5,0,1,0,63.0,1,0,6,4,44,34,6,4,36,0,68,22,2,9,11,117,116,55,1,16,22,10,6,9,0,7,3,4,9,1,51,31,16,3,23,2,0,14,24,14,3,4,17,14,77,20,101,85,16,78,0,1,3,1,88,32,0,10,40,432,128,3,0.0,0.0695397160688769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052026388123737485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387098863308152,0.09767189906055028,0.0,0.0,0.03991216711491418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04103839409464588,0.06013627889713804,0.0,0.05224779257344099,0.16460561904496676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900487052941888,0.10733320478427456,0.0,0.0,0.13225022720095225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147839536684481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342455687258873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570219990703694,0.12101652012191146,0.0,0.059570539288655966,0.0,0.06132002501483455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749523155353065,0.0680633949788406,0.24022383314964574,0.09805827331279864,0.0,0.0519831631270126,0.0,0.06545642947268415,0.11629535579218712,0.05308973477287121,0.0,0.11216430275803124,0.0,0.057411454794310576,0.0,0.0,0.11870454871550375,0.0838583010290778,0.0,0.0,0.05364287967710822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03066383602331238,0.056302142426425374,0.1000670317621184,0.0,0.0,0.06470747975366449,0.0,0.0,0.051900614440968065,0.0,0.05257596952879995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801883217067112,0.0,0.0,0.05829380676859437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612585769342637,0.0,0.0,0.06493334231461875,0.0,0.09676578164558104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580628969770908,0.0,0.0,0.05194004534411435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297128328463157,0.05553522525873554,0.07835393540234058,0.11900774269850604,0.0,0.12786428915946127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226230437656308,0.0,0.2749546505632982,0.046846918466991176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526642872660926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750511423935273,0.05631598474478877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931244223269115,0.08927491446586006,0.0,0.0,0.06516985812488614,0.0,0.05602758588124175,0.0,0.0,0.06132002501483455,0.0,0.0,0.19849721730391465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059001071370689676,0.0,0.06242553227905081,0.0,0.0,0.1127976482259021,0.120689076040577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501221380564856,0.0,0.14002127971518766,0.0,0.0,0.04676944992958047,0.0,0.0,0.06630458031207821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945807175084358,0.09036701990748716,0.0,0.06570022128133869,0.0,0.0,0.09374206158378418,0.04906864150175621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055315953382123265,0.0,0.044128631330417896,0.14152178125614606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949598033950022,0.15042832648696705,0.0,0.0,0.1368937178732341,0.06745713467340067,0.0,0.05608215137901562,0.0,0.15939044196930718,0.0,0.0,0.12219964218428532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685310939049713,0.2077062631861137,0.046586504379489135,0.0,0.0,0.15831186138177436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854560817774091,0.0,0.0,0.16677075693637586,0.12833967278160602,0.0,0.0
bpd,psychHOdelic,2019/05/14,"DAE ever get re pissed and mad about past shit out of the blue? During my last meltdown last week, I was going thru all the “everyone hates me & no one would care if I died” type of thoughts and then I ended up thinking about bad old situations and getting hella mad all over again. For example I just stopped responding to a friend last week who had betrayed me by hooking up w a guy I really liked behind my back. We are actually close? but during my meltdown i got all upset over it again and almost changed my Hulu password so she can’t use it bc I got mad at the situation all over again. This has happened before but it’s like damn this drama is old but my damn brain is like let’s be mad about everything 🙃",4.8076870748299285,4.947158204081635,5.710612244897963,83.211768707483,69.0,8.710204081632652,28.578231292517003,8.515128840125781,1.8500149659863945,564,18,119,8,9,186,100,147,0.244,0.679,0.077,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,10,16,9,1,5,0,10,3,3,1,5,23,21,10,1,2,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,11,0,1,5,1,16,5,17,13,4,25,0,0,1,0,6,8,4,2,19,76,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.14191347272180366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562177230063314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756753872332915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118225730812159,0.12142350158162768,0.0,0.0,0.12374565921213293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623419951589805,0.0,0.0,0.14827011444485605,0.0,0.15383998849368444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092781868543312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880306838851013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154491430177367,0.0,0.13895947735609165,0.130698291090124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235471757800626,0.0,0.15195674640708393,0.0,0.08264817529475374,0.0,0.2326187418166776,0.0,0.0,0.14399325909459412,0.1285985305455936,0.0,0.0,0.14357672650365527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556214781110906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870654914712436,0.0,0.2131414030260935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305197397198395,0.0,0.09854350095977987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882427581931234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316274940154146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492763050854681,0.0,0.32692678106208084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158151229927287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931822385294671,0.0,0.11545092156561135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560019866449645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333017516800272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330549315744418,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vavaviolet,2019/05/14,"BPD: Distrust of friends after big falling out Title says most of it... The TL;DR is basically there was a big falling out in my main group of friends, half of them left, most were close friends I have had for years. I now feel like I cannot trust any of them at all, even though they said they are still MY friend, just not willing to be friends with group.

​

I cannot tell if I am being defensive and am in the wrong, or if I have a reason to be worried about these friendships also disappearing as quickly as the others.

I suppose this is more of a DAE than a questions/advice.. I am worried that I am blinded by rage and distrust and not allowing myself to heal and forgive and move passed this.

​

Does this happen to anyone else, or am I handling this completely unhealthily?",5.433483870967745,6.1511539290322625,5.376290322580648,84.124435483871,67.7741935483871,7.748387096774191,32.274193548387096,7.554174236665415,2.06743870967742,629,26,122,6,10,196,97,155,0.136,0.721,0.14400000000000002,0.3178,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,4,0,9,13,4,0,7,0,19,2,0,2,1,24,22,13,0,2,7,0,1,1,5,1,2,2,0,0,8,9,0,1,3,0,0,5,4,5,0,1,4,4,17,8,23,14,5,19,0,0,1,0,15,9,0,6,6,99,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248235377040768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841930540680013,0.0,0.2937909845768168,0.3294770105589273,0.09219567192997773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479721578609254,0.13891264346351198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075200881974986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214784333128033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186426255479515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325554398408808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954603106972528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855081057400868,0.09685483110979896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237246733455104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988855448983415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730267071912426,0.0,0.0,0.06623511326897527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440948049902604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939371455491933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896290334625402,0.1078147083208049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827039698113518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849855509843382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320178218304246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27536605522680296,0.0,0.0,0.1482300163419613,0.3294770105589273,0.087305876651452
bpd,FlavouredSpringWater,2019/05/14,"Rage & Shame I would really appreciate some insight into a situation I was in. 

I had a good friend who became very angry with me, raged at me and then immediately told me we couldn’t be friends anymore. This was because she felt triggered by one of my facial expressions. We had some contact after that, but she was still very angry, even though I wanted to sort things out.

She then said we could start again and forget all about everything that had happened. Since that, she has avoided me and ignored me everywhere. I no longer reach out.

I’ve read a lot about BPD (I also study mental disorders of the mind) and it seems that shame figures a lot, in these episodes. 

Could it be possible that the reason for me being ignored and avoided is that this person feels a sense of shame/guilt for what happened? I recognise that any answer given here can’t answer my situation, but it might help me to understand or see things from a different perspective.",5.956666666666668,7.052748222222222,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,66.77777777777777,8.888888888888891,30.0,9.075114841892004,2.469,760,27,138,13,12,240,113,180,0.18,0.754,0.066,-0.9724,1,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,0,8,11,2,4,8,0,17,1,1,2,1,43,29,12,0,5,3,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,17,12,0,4,9,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,10,4,23,3,19,11,5,12,0,0,1,0,16,6,0,8,6,107,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563990248183167,0.0,0.1566785577486901,0.0,0.09833579426861808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340848031173664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814935984699472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212388996963885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309093263470252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510805801910977,0.16572890670463128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550969047149624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996090383930856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311621320654282,0.0,0.13884268013429726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234416460270198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212871170733737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557459798856566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692512700653802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458745884307316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572699206710332,0.15340217273183138,0.14600898965567552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798752795774304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262627835759056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630194744666138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464330191313982,0.0,0.09263713408487108,0.1486771705207782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755167966423193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152308015019582,0.13164220538887295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961806369834525,0.3250822914494425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235157577911456,0.0,0.1154810769317324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213717022283408,0.0,0.14207286280112155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817548128293944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053804067985976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23862716879988605,0.08529128601380312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027226534511394,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweetsamisunshine,2019/05/14,"Mood swings and abandonment issues Today is definitely one of my bad days. No one is talking to me (my friends and family, all of which are at work, so why would they be talking to me). But in my head I'm convincing myself that they all hate me and don't want to talk to me anymore. That they don't want to be around me anymore. I'm just having a hard day. I have major. Abandonment issues. My therapist is on my maternity leave and I'm just falling down a rabbit hole today. I'm over thinking literally everything, while also pushing everyone away. I tend to cling to people, very quickly. I'm a mess today. And i don't know what to do.",1.612923076923078,3.7648202923076934,3.922307692307694,84.75269230769231,80.69230769230771,7.0769230769230775,23.84615384615385,8.139509932561175,1.5407692307692311,498,18,101,10,13,172,76,130,0.188,0.7490000000000001,0.062,-0.9203,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,7,8,1,0,3,0,13,1,1,0,2,18,24,9,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,0,1,17,2,17,21,3,16,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,7,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292135084340824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048768417128081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683395339143625,0.0,0.0,0.14441504016072665,0.0,0.12834092771575728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825969258219464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687591781224024,0.13814409657832366,0.0,0.1449035415872209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187555003716434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769342989756062,0.1517562089533645,0.15775018853255854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208653551924291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447466584012855,0.0,0.0,0.1627560596515959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831493358037675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656274344555804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706373775132519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784684593852244,0.0,0.09849077636311797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370956124397287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268263519222028,0.1813235720020664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869882462625258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190227313917936,0.0,0.0,0.10919074690863874,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PyroWaffle,2019/05/14,"Venting My boyfriend has a coke problem and It’s ruining my mental health Every time I post on this thread. It’s how he disspaers and is late to everything and goes out st all hours and won’t call or tell me what’s going on, and how I get so triggered by it my weeks gets destroyed.
Well I left out there emits important detail, it’s because he’s doing cocaine, and at this point, the coke is more important to him than my own sanity, and my feelings.

Last night was brutal
He left work early at 6, lied to a to his coworker saying that our dogs leg broke
We don’t have a dog
Didn’t tell me he left work, even thought he was supposed to get me at 10 and go back to do night shift (we are broke and struggling for rent)
He never came, I called and he hung up fast saying “not now” all hush hush.
I broke down and called my dad, he drive to the gym where I had a panic stack in the bathroom and he finally showed up coked out of his mind, sitting blank eyed in his truck and refusing to be seen by anyone.

I We went home, and he spent all night till 5 am in the bathroom.
I got 3 hours of nightmare filled Sleep and now I’m here, broken.

Everyone says leave
They know I can’t do that 
I’m stuck, this fucking trash is ruining him, and me.
And he knows well I’m not mentally well enough to handle all this lying and money missing and disappearing 

I hate myself.",1.7548421052631582,3.4314779578947388,3.0574035087719302,93.44715789473686,78.19298245614034,6.2442105263157925,21.575438596491228,7.087006719466742,0.4118870175438589,1058,29,240,12,25,343,162,285,0.17,0.7959999999999999,0.034,-0.9899,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,4,0,1,2,13,16,4,2,8,0,18,8,3,3,5,44,39,24,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,11,26,3,1,4,2,3,7,7,13,3,0,11,8,31,3,30,26,7,45,0,6,2,1,31,19,1,1,17,141,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758083466048854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336670594496738,0.0,0.06609057176826356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33212052503966355,0.12400124394949864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202471708644143,0.0,0.07160902885316038,0.0,0.09134679302498132,0.10359799070799272,0.09743905636035148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481936958746305,0.0,0.0,0.11876655715524152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023064130192323,0.16993170133286825,0.0,0.1232328310256574,0.0,0.08671173320361042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704027289980048,0.0,0.11524320358258144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875203671148448,0.0,0.2135396694935761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916733222329673,0.08837509391438511,0.12230016208389954,0.11479894734690382,0.3533892369655099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851957279103085,0.0,0.1094712159725238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361860141403148,0.0,0.0,0.30522868528450264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720509618748002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248999993349,0.0,0.10383441992914436,0.0,0.0,0.10374132931061858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586548996100562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849624116550513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133419741075092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895241218339259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607173635903924,0.06321937445110372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696633422407714,0.0,0.29244225374939553,0.10050451937583256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578591075454012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brokenandbpd,2019/05/14,"Could this be a sign on quiet BPD or is this normal? Should I seek professional help? Ok so, I argued with my mum in the car, she simply told me to keep up with my personal hygiene- (I’m quite depressed so it’s really difficult to keep up with it) and I got so angry, it felt like there was this devil inside of me that wanted to break free. I was tempted to open the car door and jump out (while she was driving) I shouted back at her at the top of my lungs saliva even came out. I bit my lip so hard and I finally clenched my fist and hit my inner thigh 5 times with full force. After that it felt like a relief but a day after my thigh started to bruise up. 

I’m not diagnosed BPD but I truly have all the symptoms of it, I’m too scared to ask my mum to take me to the doctor cause she’s narcissistic and she’ll say that I’m always complaining and even look at me in disgust. The last time I told her about how I felt, she gave me the silent treatment, not giving me eye-contact and she just stared at her laptop screen doing work. After she did that I stormed to my room and cry intensely, clench my fist and hit my head, I hit is so hard against the wall I just wanna be unconscious, this is what controls my anger and gives me the best relief. It’s so hard to control my anger. I express my anger and frustration in closed doors, but in the outside world it’s more self inflicted(I’m introverted). I usually have strong suicide ideation after social interactions. There was a girl from my college in the same train station as me and she saw me upset/looking down on the floor and she asked “Hey, do you wanna hang out with us?” I said “no it’s alright.” Her tone changed and I honestly felt so bad. The first thing that came to my head was “they are nerds, I’m too good for them. I have good clothing” I’m an awful human being and I usually feel worthless and I actually have a low self-esteem, I’m afraid my mother passed down one of her narcissistic traits to me. Honestly, after that interaction, I went to a quiet neighbourhood so nobody could see me, and I cut my wrists with a blade. That alone striked more guilt and shame into my soul. When I got onto a bus, I had racing suicidal thoughts, I felt like a monster that deserved to be punished and  killed. 

There was another instance where I lost my bus/train pass and I felt like a disappointment and I would be too scared that my mother will find out and have to buy a new one. I told everybody that I’m killing myself, and so I downed a bunch of pills, (it gave me constipation and stomach cramps). I literally felt that my life wasn’t worth it and it was the end of me.


I remember at the start my new college I made new friends, I was overwhelmed with joy. I was extremely anxious around them, but nevertheless I still enjoyed the experience, it felt like I mattered. It was honestly an honour. A couple days later, it became too overwhelming a small change in tone made me depressed for the whole day. I even fell in love with the boy. When I saw the person I became friends with talk with other people, it was like a knife to the heart, I was filled with jealousy, I felt betrayed and I was filled with grief. All because the person talked with others. I felt this way. I slowly started to distance myself because I didn’t have the constant reassurance that they liked me 24/7. I became fully convinced that they were only tolerating me and actually saw me as annoying and stupid. I also felt that they were TOO cool and TOO good for me. So I completely cut myself off from them:( Months later I still self-blamed myself for that followed by suicidal ideation. Great.

I also feel so empty all the time, every time I look in the mirror I dissociate. I don’t even recognise myself, I have a poor sense of self-identity. My clothing choice was always influenced depending on my environment. I looked at what other people wore the college, and I dressed like them so I dressed so that I could be validated. I was only extrinsically motivated, I always partook in activities so that I could show off. It’s like my mind has an invisible audience on me at all times and I’m performing for them. Every time I posted something on snapchat, I always posted a meme for the people that related to it, message me and relate to me more, therefore validating me.

I also have the tendency to split, splitting is like a coping mechanism to avoid extreme disappointment and grief. I have an online FP and when she doesn’t respond to me on time or she responds in a way that I didn’t expect. I hate her so much and believe she’s evil, I look back on her posts and I point out every flaw in her looks, I belittle her behind closed doors. And I always try to ghost her, to gain her attention. Then another time, I love her to death and I get overly excited by her presence and even buy her games/donate to her stream. At this point I don’t know whether I like LIKE her a lot or I have a tiny crush on her IDK. I can’t help it.

Should I seek help because this feeling is interfering with my life. I push people away because I can’t deal with the emotions, and the fear of people abandoning me and  putting me in so much grief. I can’t even make friends IRL because I’m too socially anxious, and I feel shameful and guilty for interacting with a human. I believe I’m gonna die alone and emotional intimacy, the thought of being in loving relationship is so gut-wrenching and impossible to see in the future. Everyone is so much better than me.",3.2466198187188087,4.997603252062326,4.4419746410021395,84.80683811997152,74.22456461961505,7.452005295854974,25.871076484367045,8.20312795288582,1.592706316325491,4312,150,868,71,90,1415,426,1091,0.192,0.659,0.14800000000000002,-0.9964,1,3,1,0,0,3,117.0,1,1,9,14,51,81,15,10,57,4,65,19,9,11,4,142,141,82,11,12,12,4,18,12,3,6,7,5,4,8,50,73,0,6,22,1,5,16,12,41,0,3,53,36,182,41,124,68,17,127,2,13,12,3,89,63,0,5,54,602,232,8,0.0,0.0,0.08407711049455657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923299401297652,0.0,0.10334995977493794,0.17922446871038664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034345632387583,0.0,0.09733324154682764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038349138105568406,0.08054545856439776,0.0,0.04047381649349846,0.06624965658592141,0.03596887935766077,0.13130174790956134,0.0,0.0,0.09706978950915897,0.04520839297987208,0.03809957153537757,0.04703073637803371,0.0,0.10851212138402153,0.0,0.0,0.09854101508225983,0.0,0.044253647497279405,0.09114301456367342,0.0,0.04516715245887249,0.04655272444998521,0.09663275418425643,0.13757920969867327,0.04766571481253907,0.04731988210626285,0.08334651023915336,0.04441220398629403,0.07420716862943759,0.0437239302501197,0.04470884492127551,0.0,0.0,0.04409283103385378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691538222196916,0.03815490384823365,0.0,0.0,0.1707182807404519,0.0,0.10888687995166456,0.041163503041170106,0.0,0.04213919287889281,0.0,0.048475465919330996,0.08712745377809597,0.0,0.4549849319268352,0.04719056328446634,0.039373112236774616,0.03664268379980904,0.0,0.0,0.09984739105330244,0.0,0.02250682037622138,0.08264994669451046,0.0,0.1083970013959563,0.06890787493152736,0.04749437163395022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577004599725528,0.04253125537403568,0.08842226094145947,0.0,0.0,0.05104841618682459,0.08662414756775041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765805797119562,0.0953203030952649,0.0,0.0236749033878866,0.035114855242340336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060855459122313,0.25255267099719697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705133441964009,0.0,0.04702544314092764,0.036623933836315584,0.11664051005347975,0.08152413406470686,0.028755338186158805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349716341803443,0.0,0.0343849731753869,0.0,0.09500330918733503,0.0,0.0,0.12481690666512905,0.0,0.0,0.04220793758208316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838242599388455,0.06552651998458578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932658393679502,0.1128438655133916,0.0,0.0,0.08144651059581312,0.0,0.12377233664441255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330594888177609,0.0,0.045819454579213305,0.0,0.0,0.02759729088852973,0.0,0.0,0.046250356085590034,0.04879972091491379,0.0,0.04097766790174929,0.03425787724887041,0.08625850196113241,0.0,0.0686562247371449,0.0,0.17976173822443126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782653196573315,0.0,0.0331640549382988,0.0,0.0,0.09147388585298166,0.0,0.06880534255919242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413631770534513,0.0,0.0,0.044775219344552544,0.03238978900249557,0.06924998571897313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02861954565801096,0.0,0.0,0.06839928375369067,0.20095609149902996,0.0,0.0,0.12349050912351033,0.0,0.02924758047527396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518183204654523,0.0,0.09489010957778783,0.0,0.02540890814069475,0.06838766586333643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039934346802531565,0.0,0.048095782326063485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0313617754992819,0.0,0.0,0.030601842081335488,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dumbolis,2019/05/14,"I realized my gf is probably right when she self diagnosed herself with bpd. Is a healthy relationship possible? She told me a long time ago she thinks she is borderline and I brushed it off. She has created problems from the very beginning however we love each other so much. I believe she loves me. 

She’s broken my heart and has done some things behind my back on her phone for attention and has lied so much and she says she doesn’t remember what’s true or not. If true, that terrifies me. I have pretty loose boundaries so I can easily deal with most things except for lying. 

The thing I realized is she’s never showed remorse. When I’m hurt and sad about her lying, everything is about how mad she is at herself or how suicidal or depressed and stupid she is. Extremely emotional.

I don’t think she’s a bad person. She’s desperate not to lose me. I’m not sure why I’m posting here. Even if we don’t work out I want her to find help through therapy and she agrees but she isn’t motivated.",1.98241684613544,4.38949529145729,3.522799712849962,86.68400335008377,81.01005025125626,8.011581718114384,25.054079923426656,8.841846274778883,2.1262532184733187,789,31,161,21,21,260,119,199,0.159,0.701,0.14,-0.6071,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,3,12,13,2,0,5,0,17,4,1,3,4,41,27,20,1,4,10,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,7,13,0,0,8,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,2,2,38,5,16,25,5,14,0,4,0,2,34,5,0,7,8,115,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295926734346068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241460722182577,0.12206636693902298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647112275461411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841269545053628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072019159827044,0.12591717669816194,0.14838442034448926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960781202214707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164449224157201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656014065589168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313902609519561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361919669598604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732412800508818,0.09799114467483896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650432052061078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293776019670945,0.0,0.16355433881033926,0.0,0.0,0.2638926307853853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493967390290286,0.0,0.11275427195842325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765146742185707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481242171801974,0.14001399479723015,0.14873244477414865,0.1576224827240881,0.13988846812325412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695826608514252,0.16560995911186432,0.12484937169864395,0.0,0.11625979706598735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251282978202207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991314111928714,0.0,0.1377866605946978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718624210555155,0.0,0.2913755466647449,0.1873511663290484,0.0,0.0,0.08524723469848661,0.0,0.0,0.1396951852949204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062583843526738,0.08622935048326409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319178684630988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643139470341208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mageragirl,2019/05/14,"DAE feel like they make themselves “too available” I have this issue that when i become super emotionally invested in someone, i am literally willing to cancel plans at the drop of a hat just to hang out with them. I could literally be personally invited to meet the Queen of England and I’d cancel on that just to hang with my FP. The best part is, i get enraged when someone has the audacity to tell me that they’re busy or that they can’t hang out tonight because they have other shit to do. It’s like... ok but I’d drop anything to hang with you so you have to do the same for me... which is an unrealistic expectation to put on people, but i do it nevertheless. Anyone else relate? Or have advice on how to not feel like this??",4.279387755102043,5.1058750680272125,5.796061224489797,79.69001020408162,70.42857142857143,8.60108843537415,28.305442176870752,8.841846274778883,2.0388944217687075,573,20,118,10,10,195,90,147,0.077,0.84,0.083,0.4291,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,4,4,7,8,2,0,7,1,15,1,1,2,0,20,19,9,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,2,0,0,0,2,15,6,23,16,3,17,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,2,6,86,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011515339222976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143933171658329,0.21091481634083192,0.16939473362420293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548256276975125,0.22734209650258805,0.0,0.0,0.2160239715058387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435226578930973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719589496204454,0.2315504310993469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816509227297175,0.2941146090940437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075466833294554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485103069797432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016996812268481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740462660845287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229124939175384,0.0,0.14270855293524176,0.17973786415520127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693332477965415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112992268024712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488273854260841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991955492377504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alilanon,2019/05/14,"Pushing people away I have trust issues and get paranoid and I think this is also a BPD thing but I keep pushing people away, pushing loved ones away, people who care about me and are only trying to help.
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now but known him much much longer, I have been having some intense mood swings lately and despite us talking about this previously I have started pushing him away and I think it might be working. 

He's getting frustrated with me and is just walking away, I don't want to lose him but it feels like I don't know how to stop myself. It's like I see things in black and white sometimes and when my perspective flips I lose the ability to be completely rational and I get so angry and disappointed with myself for it but I don't know how to communicate this with him either.

He's the best person I've ever been in a relationship with and he's told me that he'll stick by me through thick and thin but he has to draw a line somewhere right? I could still push him away for good even though I really don't want to or mean to. It's like I say and do these things on impulse, like I just can't think straight and in that moment it feels like I need to keep myself safe from emotions and safe from people as if I'm better off alone.

How do I prevent or handle my outbursts/mood swings better so I can at least not let it go so far?

How do I communicate this to him? Can I prepare him so he doesn't let me push him away?

How do I fix things afterwards? Do I just beg for forgiveness and try to convince him I didn't and don't mean any of it?",3.8370475144191154,4.384253513595169,4.644494644328481,88.56144671793464,71.26586102719034,7.589178797033782,25.619472672342766,7.520522993642371,1.0354942598187304,1247,35,277,13,22,403,156,331,0.075,0.716,0.209,0.9938,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,6,27,21,1,0,5,0,32,1,0,5,1,64,57,38,0,5,13,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,20,22,0,6,11,0,0,8,9,4,0,1,5,8,45,16,41,45,6,36,0,3,3,1,25,18,0,5,15,195,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090063570865617,0.0,0.07018761873842101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059684893262080936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772230289158817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210655109565212,0.15524640010575472,0.0,0.0,0.1105400634037674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948479103834157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202252859663626,0.0,0.0,0.07007518777239083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872659716699927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796959005297666,0.07939070670123942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875574582820497,0.12540220458712426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756465100889975,0.0,0.04988027913542792,0.07361519465450649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058828689012226924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160644209525437,0.0,0.15602353043857106,0.0,0.0,0.09646941883343957,0.0,0.09900553565604406,0.0,0.0,0.17949638099743107,0.0,0.2143937770019778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196378710880482,0.0,0.0,0.07921357363773117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120902226485648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310742211183368,0.0,0.0,0.07005516188357913,0.0,0.12903838682956092,0.06507847125503997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947351308514785,0.06675112034802523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433876672313869,0.07663517457453548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622609245273665,0.0,0.0,0.09422942301634447,0.0,0.07495294483397685,0.0,0.06979621953508751,0.0,0.0,0.06993931496969909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680427783741931,0.0,0.062122271152812124,0.0,0.07009121959835739,0.07337753978919546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054417252607931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332352442306517,0.16871356391369294,0.0862310994159459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386558437999789,0.0,0.1191767098056066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557346693935864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353506248220788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389576773412557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeawrDino,2019/05/14,"Have I been completely replaced/fully devalued already? Hey, I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a my ex gf with BPD. She says she loves me still and she just needs to figures things out, but then in the same breathe says I was the abusive one and I need to make changes and she can’t be with me until I do. I know there is already someone knew that she’s been grooming that she is already hanging out with. My question is there any chance of reconciliation or has she get me pegged completely in the negative now. And what should I do if I want to win her back? And advice will be appreciated.",2.453569299552907,4.4243529262295125,3.72725782414307,88.09412071535023,77.11475409836065,6.731445603576751,26.66467958271237,7.686295010490155,1.375629508196722,475,19,102,7,11,155,78,122,0.087,0.7859999999999999,0.127,0.4704,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,5,0,15,2,1,1,0,27,24,10,0,5,5,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,4,12,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,21,2,15,15,1,12,0,0,0,1,16,5,0,3,6,79,25,0,0.0,0.20288481395827124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732831546671365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5668843961036117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644529281310848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166871664945848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156637860456565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114333534088126,0.0,0.35907211028375235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946292879129301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695182627110686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410597145783198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454576984019786,0.0,0.11430032005923756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539363388938858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603288985395804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918217644989532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384170859730095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27234500312576754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508638749568728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674804701282714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376055490925155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099851074730594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026936686035294
bpd,cwissyyyy,2019/05/14,"i can’t do it anymore My heart and soul ache. I am exhausted from struggling against my own emotions, 24 hours a day, it never ends. I ruin everyone and everything I cast a shadow on, all my goals seem so far away it’s heartbreaking. I can’t shake the feeling that I want this all to stop, I want peace, I want to rest, I am tired of this fucking curse...
I know this feeling isn’t unique to me and we all are mostly in the same boat here, how the fuck all you have lasted so long I don’t know, I’m only 19 and I’ve had enough now...
All I want is her back...I never stopped loving you Charlotte and I don’t think I ever will :((",-0.8411029411764694,1.2099670955882371,1.412352941176472,99.18558823529413,91.27941176470587,4.376470588235295,17.558823529411768,5.900188976854957,-0.5176205882352942,479,13,116,4,17,160,84,136,0.18100000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.122,-0.8981,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,2,0,1,6,8,2,2,5,0,13,6,1,1,8,29,27,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,6,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,1,2,22,1,9,25,10,16,1,2,0,3,5,4,2,2,11,79,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061114644613756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163127003982916,0.1322832520057146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094746736247757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935146926093397,0.15237074487967334,0.1777567400947452,0.0,0.0,0.1556142786663772,0.0,0.16438551765686474,0.15461274499947433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397075726417247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180846605787498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386069455850891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941848422968053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189090381593693,0.1402303795836979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522443599445798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155267078911505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26536590111931785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083933718111512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661296691291565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287655656412762,0.0,0.17984691554907142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023221163849893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772736477233285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058795981115897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,haveuhniceday,2019/05/14,"It’s hard to know who you are when you’re raised by people who don’t allow you to be yourself Spent some time with my parents the other day. I had felt pretty nervous about going due to experiencing some dysphoria and knowing that if any LGBTQ subjects were brought up, they’d immediately say something offensive and invalidating.

But of course, they had to bring up the topic and it went like this:

Mom: There’s a lot of girls coming into the clinic now insisting on being called “he”

Dad: *scoffs* Oh great.

Mom: Yeah, they want to take hormones and their parents are allowing them but [Doctor] isn’t comfortable with giving them.

Dad: Well yeah, they’re too young. It’s scary how young they are nowadays, they haven’t even had a chance to go through puberty yet.

Me: (Not really equipped to debate this topic) Actually, there’s a lot of scholarly articles and science-based evidence that supports-

Dad: -No, no, those articles are written by college students that are just following a trend.

Me: *quietly* I don’t think they’re written by college students and that’s not the only proof out there. There’s also-

Dad: It’s just a trend and they’re going to regret their decision after a few years. It all comes down to DNA. You can take hormones or whatever but if you have male chromosomes, you have male chromosomes and vice versa.

Me: But-

Mom: -Yeah I agree.

Dad: That’s the problem with these new trends, they’re so harmful... blah blah blah Bible stuff

Me: *stares out window and dissociates*

Whenever I’m enjoying spending time with them, something like this always comes up and I’m reminded why I keep my distance.

I’m posting here and not an LGBT support page because it’s not just subjects like this that my parents act like this. Growing up, I was always told who I was going to be and what I couldn’t be. My family pretty much didn’t approve of any aspect of my personality which I feel like is why I have such an unstable sense of self now. Can anybody relate? Is this where a lot of us get our unstable personality from?",2.121812539448769,4.921625881443301,3.282183883862825,85.63445508100148,85.28865979381445,6.363223227435305,23.897748790237745,7.6729893032291185,1.5391314327792969,1614,62,300,31,49,519,203,388,0.085,0.768,0.147,0.9762,3,0,2,0,0,0,62.0,2,5,10,1,21,16,1,1,14,3,29,2,0,3,2,57,60,23,0,6,14,11,3,8,0,0,2,2,1,6,27,22,0,1,6,0,2,13,12,5,1,0,14,7,35,11,37,40,9,37,0,1,1,0,42,10,0,8,18,194,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.09774794626506708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010302491093599,0.16669291923891505,0.0,0.0,0.1362331584320275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106050088390767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228108220869493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588534237636875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459903419861293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252454332028604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615895509144043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442795675285612,0.0,0.050647135825777616,0.0715588881520921,0.09617544140739896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052332803917538036,0.09608872736924896,0.2277074682952557,0.0,0.0,0.11043379723828783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897294096548565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903248870709729,0.0,0.0,0.1100976553821802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468118976856226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554736452470727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35194099174035576,0.0,0.0,0.07363382103898862,0.0,0.0,0.09674132245117084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618105233058432,0.0,0.0,0.33366876251137345,0.0,0.0,0.06944276184917121,0.1749228541539788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593171189522208,0.20381045569350356,0.0,0.09584570628742213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416915355358409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965633273504684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044953889656709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422595952559254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466655054408285,0.0,0.2273352619035197,0.0,0.0,0.15062531698958787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418257738285618,0.0,0.0,0.1168156536180964,0.0,0.0,0.095713277006843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048783252918735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908073131869718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006161300469395,0.0928552459146924,0.18076917196114667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450387028437585
bpd,Cjp2890,2019/05/14,"Drunken epiphany This is VERY unusual for me. Normally alcohol is my absolute worst enemy, and I tend to have my worst episodes after a few drinks. But for some reason... tonight I am feeling empowered, valuable and calm. 

After 2 days of feeling hopeless about my current relationship, I’ve come to realise that it’s not the end of the world if someone leaves me. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of a simple text message. I am worthy of the small effort it takes to interact with me. So, at the end of the day, if I don’t receive that.. I will be fine.

I have made a shit tonne of mistakes in the past (before knowing I have BPD), but for the last month or so I have done nothing but work on myself, be empathetic to the people around me, and learn as much as I can how to keep this disorder under control. If I’m abandoned, rejected or ignored.... I will survive. 

Life is so so so precious. I almost lost mine on a couple of occasions. And I’m so glad I didn’t. 
And as a good friend said to me 8 years ago after a horrendous breakup... f*ck ‘em. You never know what’s around the corner.",2.6005202020202027,4.148578940909093,4.355757575757576,85.60308080808079,75.5,7.2525252525252535,27.676767676767675,7.984000788550335,1.7598737373737363,837,34,172,13,18,283,130,220,0.142,0.6890000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.674,2,1,2,0,0,1,39.0,0,1,0,5,10,17,1,0,15,0,19,5,1,4,1,35,33,23,0,5,9,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,7,9,2,4,6,1,0,2,4,9,0,0,5,3,25,8,32,24,5,27,0,4,0,1,8,10,1,7,15,125,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779092988382646,0.1661214013987412,0.15565381165668465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767546309749297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227062978311158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577514380682406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390046739319325,0.0,0.0,0.1743426550469966,0.0,0.17199483436610818,0.0,0.2004958809485887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815126037806356,0.0,0.0,0.15907226072327768,0.0,0.15227506089419035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753528985536328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719340452817718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200949540191178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037829793177208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816497009453774,0.0,0.0,0.17085492592935952,0.12670687379700024,0.0,0.16459179944526145,0.0,0.0,0.10979405903362496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968450669051965,0.0,0.14029346729912165,0.14708402035346232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407319997701954,0.0,0.11426856453791805,0.0,0.11988730203459234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230123500541126,0.1491518474596421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483880283859238,0.1077646739241156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598213965468749,0.0,0.16688771721140674,0.0,0.0,0.14786198489184735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956010910655713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317064348038828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687386660509973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825683740831867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131644286389068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010026045820608
bpd,oj109,2019/05/14,"Does anyone else keep missing out on opportunities because they were too caught up in their emotions? All my life, I've been very shy and avoided things a lot because of the fear of the unknown.

I tend to worry too much, but also, get emotionally fatigued - I don't have the emotional stamina to commit to something so I tend to quit early or not put my full effort into things.

Quite often, things only make sense in hindsight and I go ""huh I missed that opportunity""",4.56096308186196,6.382496685393263,5.411268057784913,78.91202247191012,70.91011235955057,6.8834670947030485,28.4446227929374,7.447530270364453,1.73577239165329,371,14,66,4,7,121,70,89,0.172,0.713,0.115,-0.3807,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,5,5,7,0,2,4,1,4,2,0,1,2,14,13,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,3,0,9,2,12,10,4,11,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,3,1,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376188343310565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032803830795838,0.17632464989113592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980668244818293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059550297451954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375757053727012,0.5807280314023607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364701625430886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990895762569495,0.0,0.097801663514304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295985797149236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155095220160192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630319433545755,0.0,0.0,0.11487017887357087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650459367788225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088079546939704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299612552405347,0.0,0.366073868394783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324818681760113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34298316796689393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199074932253614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476387342856528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThrowawayIsay75,2019/05/14,"BPD ruined my last relationship So I want to start out by saying that I am undiagnosed. I am currently working on getting diagnosed, but all the signs point to me having bpd. I just put the piecesbtogether the other day though. 

Anyways, I believe my potential bpd played a big part in my breakup/getting dumped a month and a half ago. Its killing me thinking that this ruined it. Anyways, my question is should I tell my ex about my potential bpd?",4.475357142857142,6.5829596309523835,5.104285714285716,79.84071428571428,71.73809523809524,8.133333333333335,32.23809523809524,8.841846274778883,2.8773523809523804,355,17,64,7,7,114,59,84,0.18,0.7709999999999999,0.05,-0.9254,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,6,0,5,1,0,0,1,10,9,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,14,1,7,8,2,12,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,48,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365624854732092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356980161686866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7761190160970968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935420224163004,0.0,0.0,0.15636489865277822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097714304237348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044155737809494,0.0,0.0,0.12557724682493504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296705293854847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668290239568353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456339274864464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487011961699795,0.1725794138398125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539986686028513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251253429040207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904253733944028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346528550785731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987136859365351,0.15136049766684395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086697658627356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121555363267686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jizznipples95,2019/05/14,"[NSFW] DAE feel intense emotional sadness after sex? After sex, when I’m feeling horny or even if my nipples are just touched, I all of a sudden get hit with an intense amount of sadness and guilt. I’m assuming this could have something to do with my past abuse I’ve faced most of my life. I just wish it would go away. 

There have been times when my mental health is fine and I have an incredibly high libido, but the past year my libido has been almost completely non existent and even then when I do have sex out anything remotely sexual happens I get this shit feeling of intense sadness and guilt, I don’t know how to move past this 🙁",4.391382327209094,5.529267543307089,4.965301837270341,84.59726159230097,70.41732283464567,7.8491688538932625,29.071741032370948,8.167268648758528,1.9165037620297465,506,19,100,7,9,162,80,127,0.155,0.759,0.086,-0.934,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,2,4,0,14,7,2,1,1,24,26,12,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,4,11,1,12,21,3,17,0,3,0,3,0,3,1,5,12,64,15,0,0.0,0.21337735711981204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033425260364866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819883344564236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920060662876438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888210763855872,0.0,0.0,0.14378731583331691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257715832468967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378956666016759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731769445743069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881793213917951,0.0,0.10234937183751026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925310841561754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142738825441347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902751114290227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098972826438329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720298568608376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814884947721974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914073090537348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157492240535577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848599318888051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386421815380621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501200384958526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070947633589988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279308622884961,0.0,0.0,0.11597214011678797
bpd,Dizzy-Lou,2019/05/14,"So lost I’m home alone, SO and kids out at work, but mother in annex diagnosed with dementia.
I’m trapped. I have a support dog that is awesome and is literally keeping me going. Mum is going down hill daily, I love her to bits but I can’t deal with my own shit let alone hers. I can’t drive, have no close friends to call upon,, struggling to deal with mum (+ me)
I’m drinking to get through the day. SO not much help only notices me if I’m in an obvious decline.
I have no self care, don’t shower,  always in pjs, if it wasn’t for my dog I would have ended it by now... but what about mum...",0.4619270833333324,2.096739671875003,2.7668750000000024,94.22395833333336,81.96875,5.5166666666666675,21.604166666666664,6.42735559955562,0.1982322916666668,450,14,107,4,12,154,83,128,0.191,0.654,0.155,-0.3439,1,3,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,3,0,13,4,1,0,1,16,25,10,0,3,6,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,4,7,1,1,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,0,2,0,13,4,18,21,3,14,0,1,0,1,14,8,1,2,3,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371254564115394,0.0,0.0,0.14913295860096665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956717436995756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183012937422124,0.0,0.18273599976998306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558793423008352,0.3695546387233804,0.0,0.1819137511407436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557627259218295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587437735752855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847194845949182,0.0,0.09363980084745803,0.0,0.20372004160377985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013347941104982,0.0,0.17978138827912415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930704811121754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327388518237325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564972114551574,0.0,0.1617612491025631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317540017269656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040535041206688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631179746887312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697502674692174,0.0,0.18397608279925606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736915713499194,0.0,0.0,0.2033870446134864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048091035898174,0.0,0.0,0.12731920147588194,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,my0cardialinfarcti0n,2019/05/14,"Does anyone have tips for getting over a relationship? I think it’s harder with BPD because of the intense emotions. My ex and I have been broken up for 18 months and he wants nothing to do with me. I still love him and hoped we would be together one day. I hurt him a lot and said a lot of rude and disrespectful things to his family. They no longer approve of me, I went into treatment and got better but he doesn’t want anything to do with me.",3.0599068322981395,4.316988282608698,4.285714285714288,87.745,73.78260869565217,6.9962732919254655,25.099378881987576,7.447530270364453,1.0487900621118018,350,11,75,4,7,115,66,92,0.087,0.813,0.1,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,2,1,5,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,19,17,7,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,1,14,3,14,11,2,7,0,1,0,1,11,3,0,3,3,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802731934474098,0.0,0.17421312988941004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905188690907027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723366883334294,0.0,0.0,0.2666319039933799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365306071053153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526229567241856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23813683262757465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957428811619496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106058252886126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931783895468358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102683630956491,0.0,0.0,0.22663191858954726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599638118195451,0.19106978330562666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897892603295311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031342707710391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345510164170674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272892713954175,0.0,0.0,0.20137756915073404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906590026518112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064574266713364,0.13565042209026393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497352542568181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625035041032424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038739111873442,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PermanentSelfSleep,2019/05/14,"What am I supposed to do? I'm sorry if this is long or incoherent. I'm in the worst spot I've been in in a very long time.

I moved across the country to get as far away from my abusers as I could get. Being in that area was like a black hole that just made things worse. Things haven't gotten better but it's not getting worse as a whole. I'm 26 with nothing to show for these years. 

The rug was pulled out from under me recently and I don't know what to do. I have to leave the place I've called home.

I was put on disability as a kid. I get about 600$ a month. That isn't even enough to live off of considering what placed want for rent. It scares me to even go out in public, I never recieved the help I needed. I was in an institution as a kid. That place got shut down for a lot of reasons. It made us worse than when we came in. I don't want to be that crazy homeless guy a few years down the road. 

I want so many things. I want to get help, start working, live my life, get a car, friends, love. Ramen and sitting in a dark room all day every day isn't living. I have no support, no shoulder to cry on,  no one to ""guide"" me.

I don't want to be here anymore. Between the terror and numbness of what is going to happen to me I see only one option. I've thought about it long and hard. It would fix all of my issues and perhaps the world would be better off without me. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Things will never get better, I'm not strong enough anymore. I tried and failed too many times. I think it's time to face reality. There is only so much a lone person can do. I have too many things wrong with me so it isn't like someone would want to burden themselves trying to help.",0.761139705882357,2.4125577961956566,2.3871547314578017,97.22574808184149,81.09239130434783,4.9815856777493615,18.43222506393862,5.5289334501034215,-0.5886754475703322,1311,28,318,6,34,429,177,368,0.201,0.696,0.10300000000000001,-0.9911,2,0,0,0,1,0,43.0,2,0,0,6,13,17,0,2,20,0,33,9,2,3,4,44,67,20,0,12,7,0,1,2,1,4,6,0,4,4,23,14,0,0,4,1,1,7,15,8,0,2,11,3,30,9,58,46,9,52,0,2,2,1,13,28,0,4,18,204,53,2,0.0,0.09155895065569226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327326268554706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260297063543403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050319673102716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890702826715931,0.08838270077090976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169827920356565,0.0,0.08488361881032583,0.09967273922934336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969270523171725,0.0,0.10207961094651433,0.0,0.0651080264775182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970293742731261,0.0,0.2826131836106917,0.0,0.08783500941432933,0.0,0.06180435715776258,0.0,0.0,0.07651499396730463,0.06833455851177234,0.0,0.0692237597719648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538861879237784,0.0,0.0775137281914097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065565032228297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04246864922519921,0.0,0.0,0.08182370344856406,0.0,0.0,0.05458204210088368,0.07550591034269999,0.0,0.2047073135761786,0.2051594247525804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065696952332114,0.06974424669238669,0.14624008369781202,0.0,0.2350359907405748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168064724397367,0.08213173413217116,0.05680645797516305,0.057298878779696284,0.11919941433278172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741480230271252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472789391482992,0.11754315304185048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747407389148072,0.2422096664434825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768332238963079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945218777522357,0.07630033311492715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736635716014853,0.0,0.06157864886958959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547536572285043,0.0,0.0,0.08650370836153608,0.054696067926284286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769143594189578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25669237707565984,0.04951508469058458,0.0,0.061348195204813966,0.13518007264455162,0.1776338706594328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493012077301446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092953032974666,0.0,0.0,0.06376046355115718,0.2734749086852686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627544853518664,0.0,0.07449092150965461,0.0,0.056257557673494885,0.0,0.2362513169245969,0.16468310882258566,0.08448873846234943,0.0,0.09952590656960683
bpd,zachary-phillips,2019/05/14,"Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Book Recomendations Hi all,  


I am wanting to read more into DBT, and was wondering if anyone could recommend me a book or two that would explain it in a way that I would be able to understand - something not to technical!",10.857999999999995,9.14754024444445,11.016111111111114,56.15750000000001,57.66666666666667,16.11111111111111,46.944444444444436,14.554592549557764,7.172111111111112,201,11,32,8,2,68,38,45,0.0,0.935,0.065,0.4199,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,13,10,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,5,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,26,6,3,0.2983031053052436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858046712209424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381707564416412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983838303620169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964830423511126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34113559828995765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913987887467401,0.31054405284679965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594690027598847,0.23677912012466096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234969929450031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238119345492711,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nullsi,2019/05/14,"DAE feel excluded from socialising because of how they may react to anything?? I’m 23 and my colleagues usually play a-lot of jokes, they can be quite funny.  This does cause me to be extra cautious around them though.

I fear being the centre of a joke because of how I may react. 
I can’t get out of the cycle of blurting out whatever comes to my head, wether its a joke or a over-exaggerated statement on how i’m feeling. 

I try to do jobs that will avoid others, I feel better on my own because talking is now making me feel uncomfortable. 
When I’m on my own I manifest thoughts and scenarios where I’m going to be questioned, but I can’t help but keep acting out emotionally because I just need help.",4.942695035460993,5.454740574468083,6.253333333333334,78.13333333333334,68.78723404255321,8.819858156028369,31.26950354609929,8.841846274778883,2.4985801418439717,555,22,108,9,9,188,87,141,0.071,0.7879999999999999,0.141,0.861,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,2,9,7,0,2,5,0,12,1,1,7,0,30,27,10,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,7,4,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,4,17,5,19,19,3,14,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,3,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487049771662992,0.16086593393664134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406248348391029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598190587948169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856340112561507,0.0,0.15566152346487794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813633257855747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326902042812625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334358171650047,0.365479901659115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441100526948644,0.0,0.10269892581620424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545566197577595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24224576419581864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793220212753206,0.16061907888073834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362909343084288,0.0,0.0,0.12062211985694485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339906112695813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243117304108899,0.1922022167241982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524398954046025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754193511876354,0.1434597386692911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268696458288465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902124079764666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrayfishBelter,2019/05/14,"How do you deal with codependency? Hey everyone,

I don't even know if codependency is the right word here but I guess most of you know what I'm talking about. YOu have a person you care about deeply but your personal well being (emotionally) depends way too much on them. I already learned to let go of clinging, I don't do that anymore, I give people their space and all that but it still feels like a massive challenge and very frustrating, painful experience. It gets even worse when a realtionship (romantic or platonic) with a person hits one of those inevitable lows where the person doesn't feel like talking much, might even leave you on read for a few days. I accepted that as something normal, most people do it and even I do it when I feel sorta drained by someone ( I get back to them within a few hours or days)...yet it still hurts.

Any advice on how to make it a little easier or care to share your own experiences?",5.368277467411545,6.359213458100559,5.5872765363128485,81.57279562383616,68.05027932960894,8.87169459962756,29.441806331471128,9.075114841892004,2.2776700186219734,735,26,144,13,12,233,110,179,0.12,0.7340000000000001,0.146,0.6253,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,7,3,1,17,12,1,0,9,0,12,1,0,4,1,31,27,15,0,2,7,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,11,5,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,4,1,1,0,3,19,8,18,23,8,18,0,2,0,0,20,9,0,10,9,103,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686976831277945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197935218549095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133073206542232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860906575160927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091963469338364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438762362164914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713080725077409,0.12330027263599933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345316374557616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159733687275517,0.0,0.0,0.11428100143814958,0.0,0.2339795598629558,0.0,0.0,0.18141700659972293,0.1708816510218734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497002352839676,0.11472928661600425,0.06797029191119176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175066581622435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777992560339585,0.0,0.1280321182203471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145585133573764,0.0,0.0,0.12663699920424612,0.0,0.12229704429152265,0.0,0.11685907023256573,0.11986860207352006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798325847370224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687456385032506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583656251684876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718063379336385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104269092813493,0.0,0.12726069000819412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582837021005625,0.4177133950957895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963035149561806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213602706866956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133498592073133,0.09207237309973272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102221315068932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225666264667945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868086424450342,0.0,0.09493131492068324,0.0,0.0,0.10753295307792723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218805658688272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Oziroan,2019/05/14,"Having BPD and being Asexual Hey everyone. So I wanted to ask if anyone else has experience being asexual and aromantic and also being diagnosed with BPD... To give you a bit of background, I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone before. I have tried dating, but usually can't get past the second or third date before I get scared of intimacy and break it off. And I mean like overwhelmingly afraid. Panic attack inducing. 

In the world of BPD, relationships, especially those full of intense emotions (good and bad) seem to be so common. Almost everyone with BPD besides myself that I have spoken to, has been through many, often breakneck relationships with people. Part of this disorder is not wanting to be alone. And I don't want to be alone. 

That's the weirdest part. I crave intimacy and romantic relationships. But whenever I put myself out there something in me turns off and I become terrified by the thought of becoming so close to someone. Am I just preemptively trying to protect myself from the pain of an ended relationship? 

I'm so lonely. And I want to be with someone. I want someone to love me. But i can't love physically or romantically. I guess I'm just wondering... is it just me? Does anyone know why I might be this way or what I could do to change it?",4.085645530939647,6.564777747899164,5.833292589763179,72.50916730328498,74.04201680672271,9.033155080213907,28.04507257448433,9.573946990214177,3.1088840336134456,1016,41,170,28,22,347,135,238,0.175,0.7240000000000001,0.102,-0.9467,0,4,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,0,10,13,1,4,7,0,23,4,0,1,1,45,44,22,0,7,11,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,16,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,8,0,2,3,1,23,5,31,31,4,18,0,2,0,2,10,8,0,10,8,127,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902406450213572,0.1841545344079952,0.0,0.07109613782793907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864902904684224,0.0910921944082642,0.0,0.0,0.08311281933702745,0.10114062409914568,0.0,0.0,0.07423075180380154,0.0,0.19637397515337046,0.15130074814385885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705965216523456,0.0,0.44788364241577183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404816904985597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098225153858084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023523313055606,0.0,0.0,0.10189117199400366,0.0,0.07780009682386949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426750922872002,0.10000452908407513,0.07874215845017475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990230622647054,0.0,0.08696473239273708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536135115454052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289687235608587,0.08528438735429973,0.0,0.07456808080201155,0.0,0.0,0.09793728479516543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048859066747401786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343378445703331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604778520890003,0.0,0.0,0.09013424702020363,0.0,0.0968420302984732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431261858216376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856789946689511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945996467140962,0.10430916207115898,0.0,0.19254776486782427,0.08486849933048789,0.06163452844721961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937262434856967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817965713402925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900796416779119,0.0,0.0,0.08093445408925021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259830714558089,0.06844229719957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057948908264529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071935105531008,0.09670153448066493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791470152105383,0.0,0.2621880897431673,0.07056750087574573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022162695529803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641210897704487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nmij,2019/05/14,"Do you still get mood swings on your medication? My biggest symptom of my BPD are my mood swings. When I’m triggered, I go into a blind rage for about an hour or so where I make plans to run away, cut off everyone I know, change my name, etc. I’ve been learning to control this on my own through sheer willpower and have successfully not acted on these moments for a long time, I kind of just stew in my anger but the people around me still notice. But riding out those moments of rage are so difficult. I feel better mentally when it’s over, but all the energy from my body feels sucked out and I don’t even feel that much better because I know the same this is gonna happen soon and I’ll have to deal with it all over again.",4.83273333333333,4.806592006666668,5.148666666666667,87.83433333333336,68.93333333333334,8.266666666666667,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.2140666666666666,571,15,127,6,9,181,103,150,0.131,0.785,0.084,-0.7505,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,5,13,12,5,0,6,0,8,4,1,3,2,27,20,11,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,1,4,17,4,24,18,6,29,0,0,1,0,4,14,1,1,11,87,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114522723942545,0.0,0.0,0.17007324488329448,0.0,0.0,0.1103474604596014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201930690537048,0.0,0.20107122505248576,0.22798700730279536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914940272284344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302812398191103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662256981822176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188395876879486,0.11956129699756995,0.0,0.0,0.17297134640366174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745858322659109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457492040574683,0.0,0.10287723033029036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007444326379106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782671839988066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885033611694598,0.19896654135016745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019605800643946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083154238301508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235752928610932,0.1824245068022416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330697429265695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609125324992472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254957346636581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891239049875182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814798069543456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055535946486364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mushmush27,2019/05/14,"Is this anxiety? I randomly get this overwhelming feeling that makes my head spin and makes me dissociate that ive down something socially wrong and didn't realize it? i always considered myself to not have anxiety, i dont get it in social situations or otherwise. it's just after that gets me, dae experience this? is this even a bpd thing lol",5.214307692307692,7.070921815384616,6.907692307692312,68.69230769230772,69.30769230769229,11.96923076923077,33.0,11.602472056035307,4.7524461538461535,278,13,48,11,5,96,49,65,0.111,0.821,0.068,-0.4098,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,6,1,1,2,0,10,12,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,4,11,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,35,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834029314606214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372337330671347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776049680052277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583247305233041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455820242580419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560815771930344,0.0,0.0,0.11144844331652168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454732100386547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262093728011683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942574390891436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477556874387344,0.0,0.4493706562066639,0.0,0.16968623030580093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464339274798508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409891937931043,0.0,0.0
bpd,GraveyardQueenxx,2019/05/14,Does this happen to you? Are there random times you all the sudden feel completly guilty and over analyze everything you've done in life? Sometimes I'll be doing a regular every day thing and suddenly feel full of guilt and shame. Or like something really bad is going to happen to me. I dont know if thats my own mental thing or something to do with this diagnosis. Does that even make sense :(,3.33818181818182,5.563379181818185,4.484415584415586,82.50376623376627,75.36363636363637,8.036363636363637,22.688311688311693,8.841846274778883,1.7336805194805196,315,9,59,7,7,103,60,77,0.18,0.79,0.03,-0.9109999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,13,14,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,8,12,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760663164078631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109151850382305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599268131523953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690647374866621,0.2157915978750951,0.24713620891360066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927659766920614,0.0,0.17766573216068804,0.0,0.18951493222727647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324281043299315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984137825407935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729404814339932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588776479157788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894259582614588,0.10301965494321344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407563027237056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125057629595267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350877046033083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246736119895626,0.20855425179442755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801832067753556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295906705257137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HerBotanist,2019/05/14,"I would rather be single and alone than be with someone who looks at other people. I have a very loving relationship and boyfriend, but the idea and thought of him finding other people attractive (on top of other things) makes me just want to run and not be with anyone. I am a very insecure person and just wish I could stop having CONSTANT anxiety over it.",9.64377450980392,7.5373679852941216,8.867647058823529,71.85774509803925,60.32352941176471,11.419607843137255,35.90196078431373,9.725611199111238,3.3172196078431373,285,9,51,4,3,90,51,68,0.136,0.687,0.177,0.4866,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,21,14,6,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,9,8,1,7,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360494335265951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435304312619596,0.0,0.0,0.15936227170944994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462932989548836,0.0,0.1819702166985777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830861818484173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572863628599602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138976228343246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057006426746374,0.0,0.1521338909399671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160127568384947,0.19900509391936186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446935794358576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931101911237284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054571583337546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141546274642734,0.0,0.0,0.18093769420463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376104666741996,0.1344291635506049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620890357899406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190306215925224,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blonded6482,2019/05/14,"Got diagnosed today Been thinking I’ve had something off about me since I got broken up with late last year. I brought up to my therapist today that I thought I was narcissistic or something of the sorts, so she asked me several questions relating to different disorders and this one one fit seamlessly. I felt hopeful after my diagnosis and continued on my day. Now I’m laying in bed wondering, what’s next? How do I work on my negativity and transform it to something better? Is this possible to change for the better? 

After being a drug addict for the past 2 years constantly tormenting my family and serious of girlfriends I want to be better. This strive for being better started at the beginning of this year. I became quite self aware as my therapist put it. There was one girl  in particular I dating and ended up being a terrible boyfriend in all the wrong ways, she lasted a year and God bless her soul. She endured so much hate and anger from me I can’t thank her enough for being the great person she is. We’re still friends but I miss her. I want to get better because I want to be able to be with someone and love them and let them love me back. I want a wife and  kids in the future so badly... thats my life dream. This is my sole motivation to be better. 

What’s the next step?",3.889803149606301,5.550936051181103,5.158275590551185,80.70040551181104,72.34645669291339,8.54456692913386,27.26692913385827,9.120678840339163,2.290447874015748,1023,37,196,22,20,340,145,254,0.06,0.742,0.19699999999999998,0.9869,1,0,4,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,9,9,20,2,0,12,0,18,6,0,2,1,28,40,17,0,5,2,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,1,4,11,12,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,7,0,3,9,1,35,13,34,22,3,41,2,1,0,2,20,12,0,5,25,137,46,2,0.09459618084356736,0.0,0.0,0.10312380004020646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843465954297693,0.0,0.0,0.07273862399493193,0.07898385971926522,0.0576649538322318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019758080742293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007021632653254,0.0,0.0,0.10222486558297844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100671089731459,0.0,0.0,0.09601313232225726,0.0,0.0988328752107604,0.10841541867549516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970153747877756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378413859338346,0.09774314196447144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917686045481643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082716827194903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308477466376777,0.0,0.04942260017738235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131441469235668,0.10429262333388796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933941442752124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395535191851084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421702594315628,0.10670861231116002,0.0,0.0,0.09673100399988516,0.06681608007123696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075349298560474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953907729609116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120822299481494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230246092401146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030275839615733,0.0,0.08259773636781438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664298056377172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509528938825196,0.1059693718978093,0.10061468240119197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868444728029704,0.10686675862086076,0.0,0.07825093832375922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015103705254499,0.2184742846938908,0.0,0.0,0.06695566368494775,0.0,0.07554463221654115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709145392304153,0.0,0.2196669139187665,0.0,0.06061341305818632,0.0,0.07509880109385576,0.0,0.0,0.1793322371971975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231811134562796,0.07508604526383879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258552292193597,0.06886714628919333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342607379518952,0.0,0.2436673560225639
bpd,ophibii,2019/05/14,"He said we were going to watch Queer Eye together the night before, then blindsided me by dumping me the moment he came over. i can’t tell if it’s a narcissistic discard, if it has to do w his autism, if he genuinely does see me as a cancer (because that’s what he called me. a cancer he needed to cut out.) all i know is my pleas when he left and even before then to do couples counseling were ignored, and he placed all the blame on me and my bpd. 


i acknowledge in the past year i’d been having more frequent episodes... on account of being assaulted by my (now former) best friend of 11 years. i also acknowledge the toxic codependency that set in over the four years of our relationship. i know i was addicted to the arguments, the tantrums id throw because he behaved more like my father (oh, trauma!) than my partner. my parents would always point out when i was splitting, when i wasn’t being a good partner, would urge me to apologize or calm down or give him space, and now they’re pretty firm on this not being entirely on me - that i was improving, despite the recent trauma. but he said i was a cancer, so maybe he’s right and they’re wrong. idk. 


i know now he took advantage of my and my family’s kindness, i want to believe unconsciously. there’s so much i tolerated that i would never have allowed my loved ones to, and i don’t even want to discuss them for fear of coming across like i’m bad mouthing him, when that’s the opposite thing i want to do. i know he’s the way he is because of his own experiences with abuse, his own neurodivergence, etc. 


i just wish he’d given me time. he claimed he “gave me a year” conveniently ignoring what happened to me in the past year, and in convenient alignment with his parents (who always hated me) suddenly not inviting me to events i’d always been invited to the past three years. he got a new job, was about to get a new place, and got rid of me, it feels, to cement his new life. 


i don’t quite know what i’m venting about or for - i think i’m just looking for some outside perspective/understanding. was i wrong in wanting more time to prove myself? i know we did need a break, ideally worked out through counseling with a therapist... i just wish he’d been kinder to me. he said we were soulmates just days before and acted like things were getting better, and yet he dropped me in less than a weeks time. 


i obviously haven’t heard from him in the months since, and despite being able to move on, the hurt over the abandonment and callousness remains. i’m trying to be as objective in the retelling as i can be, without oversharing and making this longer than it already is. i know sometimes my actions were inexcusable, that i played a role in the deterioration of this relationship, and that it’s not entirely up to me if he ever speaks to me again. 


i guess i just want to know if i’m crazy, if i actually am a cancer that people need to cut out, if i’m as bad as i’ve convinced myself i am despite my support system (including my therapist) who’ve called me out before saying otherwise... and also i’m just looking for some reassurance that there’s light at the end of this tunnel. 


thanks for reading this if you’ve gotten this far. i hope y’all have an amazing rest of the week! 💗",4.999892728093947,5.4563900108024725,5.943038241493528,80.60415989159894,68.64506172839506,9.161457392351704,30.15672990063234,9.18016646516576,2.3987330171635044,2549,93,516,46,41,844,284,648,0.133,0.745,0.122,-0.9235,4,0,0,0,1,0,79.0,4,1,1,6,26,36,6,1,34,0,44,10,2,2,6,92,98,43,0,23,22,3,1,3,3,3,6,6,0,2,26,29,0,3,13,2,1,8,10,17,0,3,27,13,80,19,82,60,14,86,0,2,5,2,60,33,1,15,43,339,106,3,0.06877248872066379,0.0814841533734093,0.06711202844060328,0.07497216390612196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589215143951887,0.10999466876619804,0.17167265959439298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484431090596264,0.12576921240286318,0.0,0.2340812902725876,0.07748304426665355,0.07217248398696044,0.06082367753641111,0.0,0.0,0.08661654204857737,0.0,0.1404488004179942,0.07865740589639679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924140950053751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760954506957733,0.0,0.044352565818788735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018326832907603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091201225039543,0.0,0.07669950410992646,0.09084716038241963,0.06220865334712495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727269037475825,0.06483258177108654,0.07738816970072407,0.034773436679246345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313345418805048,0.0,0.0718615737535039,0.0659728377979337,0.03908499020257773,0.05768310065026574,0.11000728343264378,0.0,0.07576064980474692,0.0,0.06081528465105113,0.0,0.0,0.06789859459933853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830659887577455,0.0,0.0,0.07362237156191434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824608328616487,0.0,0.0,0.07161596400687736,0.3023644899593449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472151022058743,0.0,0.048576042627524164,0.10079629246899224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155031394629487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206985612762714,0.0,0.04590617024816994,0.0,0.06909120857066013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489354436901945,0.07309427175521957,0.05055569227365909,0.15298178691999534,0.05304158299082196,0.199262694464758,0.0,0.06453832188819142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660201820311927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272742009794374,0.0,0.19695336675952707,0.04767818441502291,0.0,0.1437052264700387,0.0,0.06501223107385445,0.0,0.0,0.06996634518490635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314800712739006,0.0687910995328132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790453583679656,0.14767183100114306,0.0,0.05873132960095258,0.19625515654440887,0.054690643356249465,0.0,0.0,0.054802769506238365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688931334502219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801774985271969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804220520934611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060110186412003073,0.06331646773872769,0.0,0.15970032008759144,0.09137877126649964,0.044066633860816384,0.0,0.0,0.12030537368016947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640876543668558,0.046692005496609006,0.0,0.0,0.07159458615029153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281897840594607,0.054588400450606055,0.11033028431829042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816993600590176,0.06629422497473683,0.0,0.05006719086503074,0.0,0.0,0.14656200842418846,0.15038384065979754,0.0,0.2657233676489691
bpd,rosecolour,2019/05/14,"Got Yelled At By A Coworker. Time To Leave My Job? 24M here who is living with BPD. I do take medication to help control outbursts and what not. Sorry if this post is a bit long but I really hope someone will read it and take it to heart, try to relate and try to give me some words of encouragement..

​

I'm sure most of us here know how difficult it can be to keep a job. I worked for 2 years consistently somewhere, but my boss there also had BPD and her's was not under control and it was affecting my well being which is why I left.

​

I struggled to find and hold down a job for months but I had finally done it. 

​

I've had a lot of issues with this place but I was managing it. Until today...

Today we had someone new come into our team. We work as dog trainers in a room packed with unruly dogs. Everyone hired is entry level kids with no experience at all working with dogs (I at least have 2 years in the grooming field but this is a lot different so I consider myself a noob as much as the other people I work with) 

​

This new person on our team actually has amazing experience and is knowledgeable about what he's doing. I was really excited that he was going to be working in the same room as me.

​

Well, that was until I walked into the room to relieve him of his shift and begin mine. 

​

He immediately came up to me, furious, because I hadn't used the walkie to let him know I was entering the room (the dogs get excited when a new person comes in) but this had never been our policy. I've worked the morning shift and when the PM shift person comes in, they simply walk into my room. It has been this way for the 4 months I've worked there so far. 

​

He got in my face and yelled at me like a dog (funnily enough considering our workplace) and asked me if I was an idiot and told me that ""now I have dog shit on my fucking hand because you don't have common sense""

​

This went on for the longest minute of my life and ended with him throwing the walkie full force at the wall by my head. (he was standing close enough to me that it really wasn't possible that he was aiming for me and missed, so I know he wasn't trying to hurt me and the possibility of it happening by mistake was zero)

I tried to explain to him that ""I agree it makes more sense to communicate with the other person before entering the room but I just want you to understand that we've never done that before here"" but he just cut me off telling me I should know better and ""that's no excuse for what you did""

​

​

5 minutes after he left the room they had used the walkie (which everyone in the building is in possession of one) to chew me out for walking into the room and putting him in that situation and how I had endangered the dogs and the well being of my coworker by doing this. Later that night they also made a post in our group chat informing everyone (for the very first time btw) that this was our ""policy"" and everyone should ""please"" follow it (I would have loved to have been told that as gently as everyone else was.....)

​

My entire day was spent trying to hold back tears. I got that gut sinking feeling while he was yelling at me, it made me feel like a small child again being yelled at by the teacher in front of the class. You know when your throat feels tight and all that? And when he threw the walkie right next to me as hard as he did, I just stared at the floor trying my hardest not to let him see my eyes because they had started to water at that point. 

​

​

This guy is unfortunately very good friends with my boss and complaining to anyone about him doesn't seem like an option. Also, on my first day someone in the room had asked to be relieved so they could have a quick bathroom break and the people who were training me rolled their eyes, made snide remarks about him bitching and whining too much and then told him that (despite his shift starting an hour ago) he would have to go for his 30 minute break now if he wanted to use the bathroom.

​

​

Complaining to anyone higher up about what had happened and how it made me feel would just encourage people to talk about me behind my back and probably force a half-assed apology from the jerk that yelled at me (which I would honestly just prefer to never ever speak to him or look at his face again)

​

I want to hand in my 2 weeks but I have expenses to pay and I've tried looking elsewhere for work for a long time with absolutely no luck. And quitting another job (this will be my third job I've quit this year.... and the years barely started) just feels like taking a huge step back in terms of my ""progress"" 

​

With BPD, I'm sure I'm overreacting but my emotions have been a rapid rollercoaster between anger, hurt, resentment and self-pity. 

​

Anyone have any helpful advice on how to deal with this nonsense? Or similar stories? 

I don't know how to go back to work and face him. Luckily I have two days off so I'm stuck on this emotional rollercoaster until Thursday where I finally have to face my (now) worst fear and see his face again.",6.092639272751487,6.073127202357565,6.1731407545536285,81.53589807199228,66.26915520628683,9.25925876594186,30.122606639805532,8.890055958807707,2.1982680030635007,4084,131,816,60,59,1297,384,1018,0.08,0.802,0.11800000000000001,0.9922,6,0,0,0,1,0,166.0,9,5,6,19,50,43,9,2,52,0,84,20,14,18,8,150,153,79,0,16,24,0,9,4,1,8,2,6,9,7,56,58,2,6,18,4,3,19,15,20,3,6,52,22,109,23,137,83,17,152,0,4,7,2,86,65,3,13,66,564,165,23,0.0,0.0,0.023091513419706357,0.0,0.0,0.02312304836314624,0.020975675370824537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056769481468409926,0.0,0.4614960903486869,0.517552818891763,0.016091539138896434,0.024812545552698302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963681297009951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044243112694901915,0.0,0.0,0.07278103755498526,0.0,0.0432739335029479,0.0,0.04027065923372832,0.0,0.0,0.02092785449498036,0.0258336870480902,0.0,0.08940753645317648,0.0,0.0,0.02706397923024258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115031094737471,0.0,0.0,0.053079762777371135,0.01889284817438625,0.0,0.0,0.04578171272424277,0.02439534371045356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02472262605243504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843059124788274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01976726217800233,0.053235008577024345,0.020958248185661308,0.04890006777248156,0.0,0.0,0.021404388854947918,0.0,0.11305426379262205,0.0,0.046293586072825216,0.0,0.02662726787869861,0.05982320147265305,0.033809467906004136,0.0,0.05184295792074384,0.02162740237486989,0.0402551904897887,0.0,0.0,0.018281847515674517,0.02187590953147137,0.012362854567559969,0.022699547379876558,0.040344403085835374,0.01984726320609943,0.05677599203915897,0.0,0.0,0.023429926778327767,0.04184993344034843,0.0,0.02119725218132721,0.0,0.02428489529576164,0.0,0.0,0.02804057324280033,0.0317213988328145,0.0,0.0,0.02350253421397359,0.023303125823321124,0.0,0.05066310825092,0.0,0.0,0.024697851797740502,0.11740856182283407,0.0210326148663496,0.0,0.0,0.0780268512192073,0.0,0.0,0.025055525474531968,0.05141947862674109,0.048393703703671895,0.016713760055731962,0.04624186342918329,0.0,0.02089471670579812,0.041881728452602913,0.03974164329256443,0.0,0.0,0.04023459201626451,0.0213566323211175,0.08956138595685915,0.015795126014871083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023837816666317128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03777489805942348,0.0,0.034789812607525165,0.0,0.05475071103769593,0.068561140084629,0.02516569332404784,0.022205967552976918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016034549301026244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921449079226368,0.08264589873134696,0.02472262605243504,0.025974686861809846,0.022369027448121432,0.0533525817997892,0.04532490957092549,0.0,0.025512538179345588,0.0,0.0,0.02378768475449435,0.0,0.05033667518191081,0.02366923836051516,0.0,0.04547705380107818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02020793168005462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03771243149386775,0.021541756143843075,0.0246854974329068,0.0,0.024289559941095475,0.0,0.026598017818066453,0.0,0.0,0.06014832956764558,0.0,0.0,0.026488606322450533,0.0502460289204056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02473753274934564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460388363733783,0.0,0.053374520818791016,0.019019290329294454,0.020682360650479882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041393967897380535,0.0,0.04485920125179352,0.06783255827557322,0.0,0.11245858121104653,0.0,0.02311515131514975,0.024633845605351503,0.02846347681018618,0.061311275469902615,0.0,0.03904863386630349,0.041870859252394914,0.018782456898633167,0.018980898805574232,0.0,0.06382719099771555,0.02193568498426376,0.021352027943843367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504143041855256,0.0,0.0,0.06723759586239761,0.0,0.517552818891763,0.06095235933675975
bpd,Mentally_Charred,2019/05/14,"Forever mentally scarred from being surrounded by people with BPD for about 80% of my life. Will therapy help? My step-mom has BPD from what I've seen in the first 20 or so years I was around her. She ruined my dad's life, screwed up my brain while growing up, and is in the process of attempting to ruin my sibling's life. 

I can't forgive her at all for what she has put our family through, I haven't talked to her in years. The divorce will destroy my dad, but it's up to me to be there for my dad and my siblings. 

I recently ended a 15 year friendship with someone who has BPD and has never changed since when I first met him. He would go through these cycles where he would be happy and ecstatic and then he would be all depressed, angry, and pissy. When he would be in a pissy mood, it would be incredibly uncomfortable to be near him and it was like walking on eggshells. He seems to enjoy making other people miserable.

He would explode over the smallest things, write text messages that would immediately destroy your self-esteem within seconds and ruin your day. 

He would always pull the ""I've done this, this, and this for you, what have you done for me?"".

When he was nice and chill, he was fun to hang out with but the mood swings immediately killed any sort of affection. 

""I don't have a family like you do, I did everything by myself""

Every year he always picks a person to talk shit about to the point where he has tempur tantrums about said person and causes drama. He then proceeds to try and alienate everyone else from this target and causes an unnecessary rift over very petty things, things that he thinks crossed the line.  

This year, the target was me. Over something so dumb that I don't even want to say what it is. He decided to burn the bridge before I had a chance to and this is something he's done several times. 

I'm sick of being a bitch and always having to apologize to a bully. I swear, he's the only friend I've known for the longest where I've had to bite my tongue and apologize to him several times in order to ease the situation. You can't tell him what you're thinking because he will explode and get aggressive. 

He also takes small verbal jabs at me to fish for a reaction. He ends up calling me passive aggressive and selfish for the dumbest shit. He endlessly blows his money like it's nothing. He even beat my dog with a metal rod one time because I didn't discipline him enough for chewing on furniture.

I'm sick of this manic manchild that constantly fucked with my mentality. He basically gave me an ultimatum and said ""Depending on this conversation, it will determine where we go from here"". I apologized several times and he said I sounded sarcastic. He ended the conversation with ""This conversation is over, I'm blocking your number"". It's funny because he's called me a hypocrite several times yet he was making fun of someone else who blocked him.

Sorry to vent, I left out a lot of details. I have no one to talk to, all my friends have learned to just ignore it over time because it's something he can't change. He's tried therapy before but he said it's all bullshit and they are just out to get his money. 

This has happened several times throughout the 15 years where there is at least one giant argument every year. Things were said by him that never should be said to a friend. I know i'm not the asshole because I never get into these giant dramatic arguments with anyone else. 

Can a therapist help me stop being so pissed off at the outcome of this situation? I left out a lot of detail about the situation which I would want to tell the therapist but I'm afraid of potential consequences of them telling someone or screwing over the people I mention. My brains are scrambled right now from being around 2 people with BPD.",4.890088837792644,6.131496811141304,5.513695652173915,80.74167224080269,69.33967391304348,8.596321070234115,29.642976588628763,8.950670267944501,2.3876915551839457,3007,114,570,54,52,972,303,736,0.175,0.727,0.098,-0.9967,0,0,3,0,1,0,71.0,2,7,2,4,27,36,14,2,37,0,65,14,5,7,7,89,95,37,1,12,9,3,0,3,3,14,5,8,0,2,41,37,1,5,8,1,2,8,12,22,0,6,23,9,67,12,100,47,8,89,0,5,1,3,94,45,8,7,38,380,108,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04103498080313757,0.1280895587013091,0.0,0.0,0.034894593851010944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035879236777781584,0.0525762237310993,0.0,0.0913588829297529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639961689256,0.0,0.08732715285616766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585076662398961,0.11456453758851134,0.10479260301654164,0.0,0.0,0.10542515427045418,0.1085646823986683,0.0,0.0,0.055451114590626176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03309263453145085,0.0,0.04419580443178736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575330175353654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859626030064386,0.0,0.13634424002976264,0.053020037097727735,0.0,0.06778349394798593,0.0,0.08646681698300224,0.0490317623953422,0.046116808123755536,0.0,0.09674664338684533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872936087972371,0.0,0.0,0.11893286995093355,0.04743803384083889,0.08042676065672598,0.0,0.05832471121169355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537590896332836,0.054623633665477976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687880332081712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677022249715433,0.0,0.02820027820485855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150343091629952,0.0,0.10873165031024143,0.07520680725507317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724894089062027,0.0,0.0,0.06850364062219379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342285307464827,0.0,0.0,0.06009715553172585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187272272853251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923619931063113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431303319348498,0.03902584232523234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422958697285629,0.08960904997307521,0.0,0.0,0.048507362838744836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051583729250456976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066538870955188,0.0,0.0,0.0438210144137177,0.29286243312153715,0.040806150432712684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046713420325339684,0.053530641133594535,0.2898453739420158,0.1053440968757994,0.04244663686344139,0.17303385729459173,0.0,0.0,0.1304319936684245,0.1185097434619004,0.0,0.05744069298299712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289995857891727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858098366451581,0.12373031671736745,0.13454944897734386,0.0,0.11736175561646413,0.11915667627453425,0.13636028606824346,0.0657585861140639,0.0,0.0,0.20944712614398944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967630597755456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233859195941831,0.06053146377914328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280614925950328,0.0,0.0,0.2313071893668587
bpd,pinkshirtonhanger,2019/05/14,How to help BPD person with shame A close family member was recently diagnosed with BPD. I think she feels a lot of shame about the way she has acted over the last couple of months toward the rest of the family (some of it has been very rough). We all understand (now) that she doesn't have total control over her behavior and that certain situations are just too much for her to handle. We love her so much and want to support her as she starts DBT treatment. Sometimes I think she continues to act hostile out of shame (not sure about this). I want to tell her that she doesn't have to feel bad about any of the past. We are all rooting for her.,4.284573643410852,5.289729240310077,4.635658914728684,87.35643410852717,70.55038759689923,8.213953488372093,24.41085271317829,8.515128840125781,1.3162620155038764,508,13,107,8,9,160,79,129,0.10800000000000001,0.772,0.12,-0.0702,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,0,0,1,8,9,1,3,7,0,10,2,0,3,5,28,20,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,2,3,18,4,24,18,8,15,0,0,0,1,19,5,0,2,7,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527005257535655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153062613991313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269743388594026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011565622226226,0.0,0.18755542522590066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204526068392315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195907858193295,0.0,0.17141489125326226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361645643901867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381702054112606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410813959530586,0.1529859952636329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529825977967633,0.0,0.2492131730682446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618128815608144,0.0,0.14800630644573154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736695790863096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053211043546295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764600090928133,0.0,0.11997738574217473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235366700336706,0.1597576206838106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481559208839485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722550235183932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646196883667528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986039619679727,0.19995833859183865,0.13454615966265449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LivingFaithlessness,2019/05/14,"Anyone else sort of want to date everyone in this entire subreddit? Not really a vent post but more of a ""omg I found my people"" post

I just feel like everyone here understands me

I'm a straight guy, and I still sort of want to hug the fuck out of the guys who post here too",0.7816091954022966,2.83306555172414,2.624827586206898,93.46126436781613,83.13793103448276,7.314942528735633,18.287356321839077,8.344100000000001,0.7085080459770121,214,5,50,5,6,71,42,58,0.077,0.732,0.191,0.6142,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,7,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,8,6,1,8,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,2,3,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947882572806816,0.20438756801457625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663728096971894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812172864566061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086147026875757,0.14250627507635116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871602941841126,0.0,0.18441309930722752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950268131724362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745429487685016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382921056725532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5731309391572528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277899543141004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930244054969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766239727784472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353131851663099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilikecheesealotyum,2019/05/14,"Just need to some kind words Today was a horrible therapy appointment. I got so angry at my therapist, and I’m not sure I’ll even be allowed to go back after how I acted, and I’m not even sure I want to continue after how today’s session went.  I’m not looking to elaborate on the details, but could really use some love right now. I bawled the whole way home and am now just plain hurting and scared. 

Thank you. ❤️",2.4332512315270947,3.851155379310349,4.447947454844009,85.3096551724138,75.66666666666667,8.189819376026273,25.072249589490966,8.841846274778883,1.8063904761904763,326,11,69,7,7,112,61,87,0.174,0.7020000000000001,0.124,-0.1774,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,4,2,22,16,8,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,1,6,5,8,11,3,15,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,2,8,42,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511945487476747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699120266740405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597414562801589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174804177894647,0.0,0.1572611179036285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723359498980006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049399809298985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475747074262407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511772917693876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746415797504328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579693319223813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596472668920275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791896428689582,0.0,0.0,0.19685860956500895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706385226424491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102834989826905,0.2248608882481653,0.22829989145145416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727600989651717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982318360626966,0.0,0.0,0.11597610005784845,0.15607390004661864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822758292040716,0.0,0.21952778263912928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,romanticmisery,2019/05/14,"Off my Prozac/fluoxetine for a month and realised i can’t handle things without it I’m so sensitive and I’ve been really messing it up with my FP and it used to be so much easier I was SO MUCH less sensitive, only reason I stopped was so I could get my libido back and my doctors want to put me on seroquel cuz I was hospitalised last night cuz I tried to kill myself. I found 40mg in a cupboard and I took that I have a physiatrist and home treatment appointment tomorrow so I can tell them what I want. Being off it is horrible and I don’t wanna be dependent on it but it’s seriously keeping me alive even though it’s a small thing.",1.070938166311301,3.2232481194029887,3.5533049040511737,86.63492537313435,82.73134328358209,7.410660980810236,23.750533049040516,8.418075326091056,1.6860891257995738,504,19,107,12,14,175,85,134,0.073,0.862,0.065,-0.217,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,4,0,13,1,0,5,0,22,21,16,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,6,0,20,0,13,11,3,15,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,6,82,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584038467672667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447689825536013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085313979139364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606325816803552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258720210235368,0.0,0.0,0.10762823869040232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663813885420865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831052270936454,0.2279121653367248,0.0,0.0,0.16792021078172567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442989451293344,0.0,0.3028723046813375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933201723827151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566748171346193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070902475360971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197100973433062,0.211805735485018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222801008163996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005599245758785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737189207361872,0.0,0.20239722811948566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228877282110944,0.1398627402667362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792073706566525,0.0,0.0,0.24301220559066164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857986116059154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jessxcrawford,2019/05/14,"BPD and relationships I’m 18, and I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD. It’s a hell of a struggle and honestly I can’t take it anymore. I was adopted and abandoned under a bridge which I know plays a big factor. I have huge abandonment issues and huge trust/ jealousy issues. It’s like I’m a victim of 3 degree burns and the slightest movement causes great agony. I’m too sensitive and anything that someone says or does makes me over think and go into full on panic mode. I purposely push people away, to see if they’ll stay. I’ve pushed people beyond their breaking point and idk if they’re willing to stay any longer. I use manipulative techniques such as self harm, Suicide thoughts to see if someone is willing to stay. Why do I do that? I don’t fucking know. I hate living like this and I hate how I’ve been and how I’ve been acting and treating others. I’m also suffering from anorexia which connects to my BPD and for me it’s like, I go to extreme measures to find love bad affection by hurting my self. I hate the thought of being jealous that it makes me sick to my stomach. I hate how I over react and get impulsive and one day I think I won’t be able to take it and I’ll just end up losing it. I’m tired of living  this way and I’m tired of trying to be worth it and tired of trying to make people stay when all I do is push them away. I’m tired to feeling too much and feeling like what I’m doing isn’t good enough. I’m sick of how I overthink situations and how one wrong move or change in mood can set me off. I hate my BPD",2.4778062678062653,3.8924970370370415,3.9471604938271625,88.95876068376072,75.5432098765432,6.4660968660968665,25.115859449192786,7.010146845296331,0.9323346628679964,1216,41,261,12,26,403,163,324,0.247,0.645,0.10800000000000001,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,3,1,15,31,9,2,7,0,22,10,1,13,1,53,57,33,1,3,6,0,2,4,0,4,7,1,0,2,17,22,0,2,9,1,1,8,4,19,0,2,6,5,30,11,35,44,4,35,1,5,2,2,8,16,2,5,8,152,47,0,0.07725329589342991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177943281512885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525348903359279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661451094643232,0.0,0.0,0.06357288011288875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145164029029741,0.0,0.06450327519868877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891912871917878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936041528229641,0.081723743633767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049821984845550615,0.0,0.0,0.078410469162728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760487983711466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842349016853502,0.07982330576560813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812317521108135,0.055189770022204716,0.0,0.0,0.07060811288513555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141942721045043,0.04036165859211464,0.0,0.08780965671827742,0.06479639933761099,0.0,0.08517203145059911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813581794775648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270125104458648,0.0,0.0,0.1612647397527046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491278214960399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096823263530912,0.0,0.13643215123978072,0.0,0.0,0.08642667747695755,0.0,0.0,0.0697241157138674,0.0,0.15470152467161485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210802762942751,0.05679006135982216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046976652568007,0.0,0.0,0.09064009757848128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067312482623206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302933509124927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627830978770238,0.08294112855063891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143492161470825,0.0,0.0,0.12312174961825365,0.0,0.1611840718692776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683594137042919,0.0,0.0,0.1309129338281648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293669381772236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076191835664417,0.0,0.08450256699010994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616972844112028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900158531428023,0.0,0.1226609753249884,0.0,0.35516519684232073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489983374422734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672204370600884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132007043526705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970908356230787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844643516339045,0.0,0.0
bpd,thekillerkrab,2019/05/14,Maybe I only like people who are unavailable because I know that someone who is available to me would actually want me to open up and commit to them on a deeper level. And I am TERRIFIED of that. Either that or I just genuinely don’t know how to gauge my own level of interest for another human being when it’s not all crippling intensity and dramatic tension.,9.749523809523806,7.290552428571432,10.704285714285714,59.877380952380975,60.42857142857143,13.904761904761903,41.904761904761905,12.45797560212912,5.404190476190476,290,13,48,8,3,102,55,70,0.096,0.78,0.12300000000000001,-0.0085,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,2,15,9,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,9,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.3561180921784309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38265990728769217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224573498789476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011109029513426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828589105297502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666202609903469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775449720707673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529958409383571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092031833517626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524459720787031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592351129825372,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spliffdudette,2019/05/14,I don’t know if I am victimizing myself constantly when I feel hurt by others or if people are mean to me because they think I need to hear it? DAE have any experience with this?,5.768918918918921,5.0068833243243285,7.252027027027029,76.01966216216219,67.10810810810811,10.643243243243244,29.31081081081081,10.125756701596842,2.5379297297297305,141,4,30,3,2,49,32,37,0.19699999999999998,0.8029999999999999,0.0,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,4,10,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23242733371975344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083505892307468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36935104535439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33433392189389394,0.0,0.0,0.17281811382800955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852195406843012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658907661683177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783756307055152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723069674685723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534312240443669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23695253297370786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190037360075173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mammasita17,2019/05/14,"All I know are fleeting moments and phases and I want more Like most of us, I go through intense phases with people, material things, hobbies, shows, books, etc. and then being completely done with them. During the phase Im so in my head that when I look back I don’t even remember. I can’t remember how to play piano or the storyline to one of my favorite book series. Ever since BPD has been introduced in my life I’m realizing I never let anything get deep enough to actually stick.

My newest obsession has been tattoos and I had all these ideas in my head of what they would look like. One day I sat down and drew a ton of sketches and had all of these plans. Then I came back down and realized that I don’t know anything about the reality of tattoos like how much they cost and the different styles and other stuff. I would rather have grandiose thoughts in my head and it takes me farther away from what’s real. My expectations were going to leave me completely disappointed. And this is what I’ve done with everything in my life. 

I’m fighting against patterns of behavior that I’ve had my entire life and it’s so hard but I just keep reminding myself that it will help me in the end.",3.3698728813559318,5.2859472584745815,4.312000000000001,85.16477966101695,74.29661016949152,7.770847457627119,26.630508474576274,8.548686976883017,1.8646972881355937,947,35,190,18,20,306,136,236,0.037000000000000005,0.8959999999999999,0.067,0.6972,1,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,1,0,3,1,12,7,1,1,6,0,21,6,3,2,5,42,36,21,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,16,16,0,1,8,4,1,3,4,3,0,2,11,3,30,4,27,20,9,25,0,1,2,0,6,11,0,2,14,139,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.1160235043069011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956794503101604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170493359317273,0.1828444691073208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974297414235127,0.0,0.0,0.13598319234035994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24931643235678205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667686748363904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421904351339302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24333991497669216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530489511176873,0.12284940187087183,0.1325983650354294,0.07852844079379949,0.10754653267460962,0.0,0.0,0.10685436307323767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062117267244198075,0.0,0.13514052948399313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650577270764096,0.0,0.3660589848826297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969221824497426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421698254662232,0.1284260451480374,0.0,0.0,0.10567855112730576,0.0,0.0,0.1306821910996938,0.0,0.0,0.12589169947280995,0.0,0.12157728659954747,0.251935285907569,0.17425697516721728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968222255121526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740085371495779,0.0,0.09169847008911483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113145691864264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242620828719971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532753064540287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26936770764088724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835043948559123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610531503988688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939357696109136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898796615111482,0.0,0.0,0.0943886456908992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301497975692284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012682871127968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891793429332033,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FingerlessPianist,2019/05/14,"Feeling Selfish Does anybody else feel selfish? I'm starting to realize that i'm self absorbed, and i spend an excessive amount of time on doing things that make myself happy. I have a son that's a year old and i'm currently not working so free time isn't an issue. I'm not sure if it's unrelated too BPD or if it's a symptom. It just feels like a challenge sometimes. (M/20)

Does anybody else struggle with this or something similar?",1.7058620689655155,4.250178724137932,3.400701149425288,86.17691379310345,83.59770114942529,5.778850574712644,29.389655172413807,7.1686216300943375,1.932053793103448,347,18,65,5,10,115,60,87,0.11900000000000001,0.727,0.154,0.4835,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,16,12,7,0,2,7,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,3,6,4,12,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,7,35,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613251241474513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631500333706402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466608597650149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147380087792424,0.14823017860227433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22087589210246653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165646021552108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013686416785127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850051451498785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772479554827284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164562721625053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973516439353275,0.20521192031106025,0.0,0.1468617777251698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169125469711358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555592108988806,0.2156605106361421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784646778133405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419770016905385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105445864117353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361610918924582
bpd,av4851kk,2019/05/14,"my fp means too much to me, how do i learn to stop fixating on them? i’m too effected by my fp. I let their moods effect me way too much like if they’re in a bad mood i take it extremely personally and i have severe jealousy issues towards them. i’m always putting them first too and i’ve pretty much stopped keeping up with my friends and other relationships as well and If they are mad (especially at me) i feel crazy like my world is ending and if they’re showing me affection it’s like i can do anything. i’ve made them my whole world and i don’t like being this codependent and putting so much into one person. i really want to be more independent and in control of my feelings. :< i don’t want to be fixating on someone constantly. what are some ways to think more positively and how did some of you learn to break away from  this way of thinking?",1.3693203007518804,3.6998871771428568,3.1735338345864648,88.7148872180451,82.94285714285716,6.655639097744363,23.496240601503768,7.85451343220497,1.2832285714285725,676,25,143,13,19,225,101,175,0.098,0.745,0.157,0.8732,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,6,4,8,10,1,0,1,0,14,0,0,8,0,36,26,16,0,5,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,11,0,4,9,1,0,2,2,2,1,2,2,2,26,6,22,20,9,22,0,0,0,0,11,11,0,5,9,100,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512484219173025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385674877108315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999178544756995,0.0,0.11552305300889143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951571887653353,0.1551801304819555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254401745407364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991580556697258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768714451460414,0.0,0.0,0.10689495711699153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440968324113473,0.0,0.12297884348225775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414803092986398,0.0,0.27037869143336146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309175741536585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071229548137555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068358543742471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375488218321064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416175332719541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075970746609584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781757740364097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863560264182649,0.0,0.0,0.14854458724240893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630502567140125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723018519289086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313467707206242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402790908983853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730828943176474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321412812714495,0.3294661422500751,0.0,0.0,0.1244003528408728,0.0,0.0,0.15447163521302654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shanklymrshankly,2019/05/14,"Destructive Behaviour? Does anyone else find themselves subconsciously putting themselves in danger when they feel rejected/isolated/alone? 
For example, I (18F) live in a really bad area and when I feel like that, I always get really strong urges to go for late night walks, like 2/3/4am.
How dangerous it is is almost a push factor? 
It calms me and usually makes me feel better but I know I shouldn't do it yet the fact that it's dangerous isn't a deterrent at all?
However, if I was feeling more stable, I wouldn't even think about it.
Anyone else?",3.2807502206531325,6.0430276310679645,4.21521624007061,81.51925860547222,78.51456310679612,8.793998234774934,24.897616946160635,9.339509955726095,2.6395320388349512,438,16,79,13,11,141,73,103,0.128,0.7240000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.4349,2,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,7,10,4,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,2,18,16,7,0,3,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,1,4,10,5,7,13,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,8,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487042475752535,0.19121081017489186,0.0,0.0,0.1536187650962109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581814209813979,0.3783303484631816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415012438249226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328153103405627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156234863507388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084529122227962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219398763619481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733980061895595,0.13189268122213027,0.0,0.0,0.16873948415999124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645641516796398,0.0,0.10492389311559773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146241326278424,0.0,0.20825958517239052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180392172078504,0.0,0.1630229861863721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323539229511556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325351631302274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185594256085875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23654480757019294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829714571276875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333302642870546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyspookie,2019/09/13,"DBT Question I’ve been given a CPN who comes to my house every week and she’ll be doing DBT with me, but every single person I’ve spoken to who’s done DBT tells me it’s supposed to be done in a group setting.

Is it unusual to be done one on one? And what kind of things should I expect? I’ve been told it’s supposed to change the way you think but I’m very very stubborn and I feel like that could be a problem and I’d get angry instead.",0.5475056689342424,2.1214737959183694,2.6240136054421757,95.64400226757373,81.44897959183673,4.763718820861679,19.05215419501134,5.033348758259628,-0.5009083900226758,344,8,81,1,9,116,62,98,0.133,0.833,0.034,-0.8889,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,0,16,21,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,7,1,7,2,9,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,2,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394264103772635,0.1579256640781941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637696267004216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628417786782193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089329324656116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269897739015116,0.13097356142099856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578423987889127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115423610928112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909137336491553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956753707129493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24846318594242514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007982917355254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542549672786747,0.0,0.0,0.2053755913538584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024164831684995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179869838158075,0.11747276904505315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175183112658442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30253884268827197,0.0,0.14552167925798815,0.14705915647351275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,insecureslut,2019/09/13,Weird tmi thing Leaving in ur tampons for a long time as an act of self harm half hoping you’ll get toxic shock syndrome because I want attention and also death!! 🤪🤪 I guess even when I was a little kid I wanted to be ill in hospital for attention :/,2.823076923076921,4.085766692307693,4.6838461538461535,84.63615384615386,74.38461538461539,7.507692307692308,26.461538461538463,8.07648339933343,1.6455230769230775,196,7,40,3,4,67,44,52,0.319,0.611,0.07,-0.9285,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,8,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,5,1,7,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517503772348799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190291688442626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079265036526944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447322860338728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467944834389253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126735545912632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33333427539979843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155184809055697,0.0,0.2785935505609325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284114878391022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091432284459094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356600701404904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37136166613762905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,banterbusok,2019/09/13,"I'm doing so well but After I broke up with my ex of a year, I had a massive breakdown and was flooded with so much love from my peers, my family, all who I sort of abandoned when I was so madly in ""love"" with him. I'm starting to get my priorities straight again, and I'm excited for what the future holds.
But I bumped into him again yesterday. And in that moment, all of my feelings came rushing back. I hope this is only temporary because that knocked me off my momentum for the rest of the day. ( context my ex works and live in the same place as I live so I have to or will eventually see him)
Is there any way to deal with this healthily or does anyone else have tactics they can share so I can stop breaking down when I do have to see him again?",3.9399999999999977,4.186203541401273,5.038732484076434,86.90077388535035,70.9108280254777,8.063439490445859,28.438853503184713,7.908726449838941,1.5573648407643312,584,20,130,7,10,193,94,157,0.096,0.784,0.12,0.4756,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,13,9,1,0,6,0,13,2,0,0,2,23,25,16,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,4,3,23,6,24,20,5,27,0,2,2,2,12,9,0,4,14,98,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786911577948394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175945622167427,0.20772952703735165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589337363267586,0.0,0.12358749313027233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318788062310712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074954479037634,0.2090144663891666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741780645056407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936198174324052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911237917731344,0.0,0.10251066500153616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592248591185666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136505170131466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580435770407928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659587797941308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903610714091026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419174663279436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181855658276136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32311263323382045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349933669887138,0.0,0.0,0.1694984438421959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092436543384714,0.0,0.0,0.18228623770513927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759602502551306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055693140812807
bpd,tooraloo22,2019/09/13,"Just got diagnosed with this today... I wanna cry. I feel like shit, everyone seems to think if you have this you’re a piece of shit, and that’s what I feel like right now. Anyone have this and gotten better? I’ve heard borderline is nearly impossible to treat. Why do I have this fuck me i fucking suck god I hate this.",0.2240341880341888,2.6268479846153845,1.9312820512820537,94.07982905982908,92.23076923076924,5.350427350427352,14.914529914529915,6.937597516519254,-0.1955982905982907,249,5,54,4,9,81,47,65,0.275,0.56,0.165,-0.8911,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,2,10,6,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,10,16,3,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,8,4,6,13,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,2,5,2,4,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126014289593526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132273439813424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762391205793476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956629843772596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067087277327969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876181314130855,0.3090866218452625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999797332317258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301563406326914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357710198892949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137187658339396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474119009600654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969350317380316,0.0,0.0,0.4441109838920572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386129419899964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050517182367622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520053391719253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Prisoner8612,2019/09/13,"How common is it to be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Bipolar and BPD? Hi :)

So I'm currently diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers type) and Bipolar and after having a conversation with my sister a few months back about my symptoms and Borderline PD, it made me wonder whether I have co-morbid BPD instead of/as well as Bipolar alongside my Aspergers.

Does anyone know how common it is to have all three above conditions co-morbidly? I'm in the UK & found a fairly detailed [NHS site](https://www.nhsdirect.wales.nhs.uk/Encyclopaedia/b/article/borderlinepersonalitydisorder) on BPD and I fit a good 7-8 out of 9 symptoms listed.

I'll be seeing a new psychiatrist and MH team in the near future so I'll have a fresh pair of eyes and expertise to help interpret my past & present symptoms so I'll take the listed 9 descriptions and some personal background to my next appt to see what they say.

But does anyone here have all three diagnoses? Can ASD change the presentation of BPD? How does one differentiate between BPD & Bipolar mood swings, if they happened to be co-morbid?

Thank you :)",6.3944557823129236,8.514189806122452,6.603959183673471,70.98865986394559,66.75510204081633,9.716462585034016,32.45442176870748,10.047579312681364,3.5771446258503414,886,38,145,22,15,284,118,196,0.013999999999999999,0.8690000000000001,0.11699999999999999,0.9554,2,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,2,1,11,4,0,0,10,0,11,11,1,4,2,26,22,18,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,4,12,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,11,3,21,17,4,18,0,0,3,0,10,6,0,3,12,85,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303339870270053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211800857804074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814383746133796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6399696249761336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750644279284602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309443629571567,0.0,0.0,0.11647177785314007,0.0,0.2667998242700297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142725923733407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523875790356016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986721009740248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811751845568298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055850789199382515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616062950102272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111660930483686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815066793809936,0.10808001176023743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886415783224176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970131642153618,0.0,0.08873558133091226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081678093030567,0.0,0.0,0.16196494119514154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168838279080241,0.07640982723994727,0.0,0.0,0.09356322742794727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091373647248362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020866203980803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,glass-animals,2019/09/13,Am I overreacting? so basically my grandpa died and my mom didn't tell me when the funeral was so I didn't get to go. I told my doctor this and he said it was my fault because I didn't ask. am I overreacting because I'm upset with him and I don't want to see him anymore? I just think it's really bad that he picked a side,0.9125114155251132,2.0649326027397312,4.026232876712331,87.86665525114157,79.13698630136986,7.606392694063928,23.125570776255714,8.344100000000001,1.128718721461187,252,8,62,5,6,92,47,73,0.24,0.76,0.0,-0.9411,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,8,17,6,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,7,2,14,0,3,10,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,38,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28028905971118995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642171692131159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359809144559252,0.344572386959956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933211792305582,0.0,0.0,0.2892796988434199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766042614404604,0.0,0.1606228755564121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310081690496709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810574601344753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26884205781258164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521633959541615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470275914535379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810953363459989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700612658313388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670014427599053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,otraynn,2019/09/13,"Disassociation Does anyone else feel experience dissociation after feeling a ton of overwhelming emotions? Like you could look at your arm, leg or any part of your body and feel like it isn’t even yours cause you don’t really understand your concept of self?",7.943623188405797,9.368034521739132,8.09,64.37166666666668,62.47826086956522,11.35072463768116,32.72463768115942,11.20814326018867,3.980255072463769,212,8,35,6,3,69,38,46,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,6,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,3,3,1,0,8,8,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,5,7,2,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360864205866474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822529106880785,0.2465116689979325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672399328694636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471509827949257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209058920661096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054089036758195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009810804451339,0.27063003072885794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589066410426268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353420231596404,0.0,0.0,0.36494679615391656,0.17187669510918824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507908151630544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203400793897655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605342378000865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412735336667754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509866010130785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504614377398063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlueberryPancakes5,2019/09/13,"Anyone else fill like their entire life has just been full of pain? I feel like I've been depressed my entire life. I honestly can't think of a time in my life where I was ever really happy, even when I was a young kid like 5 years old I still hated being alive. It really sucks and I feel like I've just wasted my entire life wishing I wasn't ever born.

Anyone else?",2.4607692307692304,3.6334704615384616,4.154358974358973,88.43230769230772,75.15384615384616,6.7384615384615385,16.846153846153847,7.1686216300943375,-0.057553846153846074,288,3,62,3,6,97,47,78,0.187,0.569,0.244,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,0,2,0,8,5,0,0,2,9,14,2,0,1,2,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,11,6,3,8,1,13,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,13,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22875872814958456,0.3352153265167065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089173738534244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733012144169982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804344836759834,0.2959360489699393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542254021382266,0.23372403710479997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413459825825447,0.0,0.16150198352805648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621672824058722,0.3196688878383145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165033015948458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174061299475918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095878515365532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130635684309247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481584807347097,0.0,0.0,0.09538516760709063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810962546570706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105340547911433
bpd,wettortillasauce,2019/09/13,"DAE internalize the notion that everyone hates you and any advice they give you comes off as patronizing rather than caring? I had this realization in the shower just now. I use a vape (I used to smoke but haven’t in over a year) and like all of my coworkers and family are constantly hounding me now about all the news and stories of people dying. For forever I’ve felt like they’re all patronizing me and I just now realized “oh, no, these people actually just care about me and are worried.” 🙄🙄🙄",2.0567903525046383,4.6375726938775506,4.139647495361782,81.25145640074211,82.26530612244899,8.05343228200371,22.17439703153989,8.841846274778883,1.9377632653061228,396,13,77,11,11,135,67,98,0.07400000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.127,0.7469,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,1,0,9,5,1,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,3,20,12,8,1,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,11,4,12,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2107511100124343,0.0,0.0,0.21103892243136665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686390076264133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403823062265619,0.0,0.0,0.1860350983429048,0.0,0.23338191082512455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413802375243708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636422700298387,0.0,0.0,0.2035929905668276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736068436241795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717372309630386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132211544277716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101960425051472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994464784427339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730495882968831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932338124800616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907465867023105
bpd,LanaQuinn,2019/09/13,"DAE struggle to make friends. Hey, so I just got diagnosed with BPD on Tuesday. I'm 30/f and I've always struggled to make friends and cause of this I suffer terribly from loneliness. It's so hard and I'm also having such a hard time coming to terms with my diagnosis. I've felt so lost and not connected since it is the strangest feeling. I've felt it before but never ever this long. Does anyone else know this feeling. Sorry if this is jumbled. I'm not very good at explaining myself.",1.2530272108843512,3.795675357142862,3.0072448979591826,88.04787414965988,86.24489795918367,5.715646258503401,23.472789115646247,7.1686216300943375,1.1578136054421768,387,15,75,6,12,128,67,98,0.19699999999999998,0.732,0.071,-0.862,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,3,2,23,17,10,0,1,5,0,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,6,4,3,9,13,1,9,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729892896315532,0.1428582709747344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004832670052586,0.17591476993344224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609394621231075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623517916199894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637099474409926,0.0,0.14789411461350846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425982960634634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024543236087495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342339521370448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530173548602413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362134605184829,0.0,0.3296950424151037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652916340023219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400385086643727,0.13731467500077385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30759766827297585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435530170137292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193858507060495,0.0,0.0,0.18741786618961465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920630894470784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324164637584352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202218851758022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219079602600725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35897140475726824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100112724492792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416606811082442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PutridRepresentative,2019/09/13,"I have BPD and I am emotionally abusive and need to stop cw: suicide Hi everyone, 

Please don't judge me on this. The title is true. I need help. I am on the verge of losing my boyfriend. We had a heated discussion the other night, involving booze and a subsequent break up which I immediately u-turned on. I regretted it instantly, but it was heat of the moment. 

I threatened to take loads of pills that same night. It's not right. It's not fair. It's not okay I did that. It was the sheer and utter desperation of being abandoned that kicked in and in that moment I was genuine in that I wanted to end it all. But it came out as a threat. I have been browsing the internet for hours trying to find advice on how to stop being emotionally abusive towards him. I love him a lot. I don't show it to him.

My question / plea for help is: how do I come back from this? He is thinking about it at the moment and it seems like this will be our last chance. I need to change. I have arranged to see a therapist next week but I need something immediate which I can show him that I won't ever do that again to him, and I need to mean it myself. I do not want this to happen again, ever. 

 I can't keep doing this to him, I can't keep hurting him like this.  

There is so much out there about leaving people who are emotionally abusive, but nothing out there on how to stop being that way. It's infuriating. This is a hard post to write, because I am admitting it to myself for the first time in doing so. 

I need to show him I mean it, I need to show him I can change, and I need to break out of this cycle. I am a horrible person. I feel like I am fundamentally predisposed to ruining anything good that comes into my life. I don't want to ruin him as well, and ruin what we have. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. You don't need to tell me how awful I am, I already know it.",1.1844364767961046,3.1505277609254527,3.3571242051143284,89.2266104045461,81.15938303341903,6.254119875524286,21.033757272358283,7.3759095455046575,0.599993316195373,1445,42,319,21,38,493,172,389,0.165,0.716,0.11900000000000001,-0.9546,0,0,1,0,0,1,46.0,3,1,0,2,17,17,1,0,15,2,43,4,0,4,4,67,71,21,1,14,8,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,38,19,1,6,9,4,0,3,11,8,1,1,7,3,56,9,51,56,4,46,0,7,1,1,27,19,0,3,23,240,94,0,0.0,0.2922041062794465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606626601642471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071701824601114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590330140710801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764902059457191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321179478294177,0.0,0.05011237534634723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035363245919992,0.0,0.0,0.09402244093150942,0.0,0.0,0.17392734783539765,0.14162739953057124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774140532055533,0.07281064012428275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487211373958301,0.0,0.07855192134953329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041566122845017366,0.058728405606479336,0.0,0.0,0.075135335605819,0.06992488498852009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895098893522457,0.0,0.09063305767257443,0.0,0.0,0.07269501763594674,0.0,0.0736409592312299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020269128385747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095693366459562,0.0,0.08800385675743251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613799191042445,0.0,0.0,0.04517859296433202,0.06700934428340036,0.0,0.0870449110197605,0.0,0.0,0.05806494692500525,0.1204859650121656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196814859067193,0.0,0.06988910461151546,0.07419465865774821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909415631344994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043130378355671,0.5485963156435949,0.0,0.0,0.08742764299112125,0.15429063515122074,0.0,0.07887944195467153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699169997784605,0.07177962510236091,0.0,0.09023815161851498,0.0,0.0,0.07873119094209692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209019667664152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020398022670532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550801034005957,0.0748377937096618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328665061715788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061851751330971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992066875776443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061809126295867524,0.0,0.07185218463406608,0.0,0.0,0.0954481891505308,0.0,0.052674664667766,0.0,0.0,0.04793532476558602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581287964875205,0.08941716565964908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145462733226261,0.06525176616773992,0.06594116931555394,0.0,0.07391359864160782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839720419128771,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_look_at_that_,2019/09/13,"Splitting of the self - just want to talk I don’t know exactly what psychologists mean by “the splitting of the self,” but I think that I have it.

Sometimes I literally feel an unbalanced energy in my body. Like two halves of me are contradicting each other. All of the bones in my body that are meant to be symmetrical are on a diagonal. I’m trying to be mindful of the discomfort, and it’s really not so bad. It just feels so...weird. 

I’ve been fairly isolated socially, and I can’t even imagine having friends right now. I think about people from my past every day and this definitely adds to this contradictory energy. Like one side of me has moved on and another part is so angry. It’s like two people in one body. I had a theory that part of this has to do with having two very different parents and so it’s like two sides molded from two prominent figures. My mom also has BPD, and I believe she created a lot of conflicting feelings inside me due to her conflicting feelings towards people she loves.

I used to cry a lot. The past two years, I’ve just felt this intense emptiness that made me miss crying. I worked on that and now I feel anxious, uncomfortable, and confused.",4.085584541062804,5.760977713043481,5.502898550724641,78.36816425120776,71.86956521739131,9.111111111111112,27.99516908212561,9.586721724236666,2.6394444444444445,934,35,178,23,18,314,126,230,0.18,0.652,0.168,-0.6219,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,0,2,11,0,17,5,4,2,2,40,34,13,0,1,5,2,6,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,16,11,0,2,13,0,0,1,3,4,0,8,5,6,22,6,27,27,6,18,0,1,0,1,11,10,0,3,11,127,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640306690705773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018171008231648,0.0,0.10793267141628476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977166228568744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764052988515163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183692203443189,0.12032891287598685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989175766330226,0.06161520538700791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998186562679874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310307354775381,0.0,0.08049632135672291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415387253758649,0.0,0.09173309862936424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381373844511692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525061228326128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670349424203794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244887990605053,0.08622831313235221,0.0904019781388853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040707462649528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646786590335578,0.11189494682700638,0.0,0.10154358566790624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948035226489146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608553511887484,0.20692037867941165,0.18240691634590336,0.19870560390218506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061205180925126425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815903853409484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933749576873214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973906968024766,0.0,0.0,0.09449121036785832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679119523202553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243596941568913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486518774041547,0.0,0.5599704510716064,0.0,0.0,0.08251562918521092,0.0,0.07883026166735084,0.056351792867737976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955404250801116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061524437093117924
bpd,housatonicduck,2019/09/13,"I just got a plant-oriented job that will advance to full time after I graduate college. I’m about to graduate from a great university with a bachelors in public relations but, as many of you probably can relate to, I can’t handle that industry. I leapt into college at 18 with zero sense of self (thanks in part to BPD and also a wack job market atmosphere that pushes college regardless of goals) and picked something I was good at. I’m great at PR; don’t get me wrong, but I know I’ll go crazy doing that. So I’m taking care of plants as my career and idgaf. It will keep me happy and healthy mentally and physically. And best of all it’ll mean I can HOLD A JOB. I was considering applying for disability because I literally can’t keep/handle any job that triggers me. So, I am looking to the future with this one. I will take care of client’s plants in office buildings and residential areas and even install Christmas trees around the holidays. Wish me luck friends.",5.039955465587042,6.09651275263158,6.257368421052637,76.23196356275305,68.84210526315789,9.635627530364372,30.931174089068822,9.851270322608157,3.039692307692308,773,31,144,18,13,260,117,190,0.035,0.7190000000000001,0.24600000000000002,0.9935,4,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,8,11,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,2,1,26,29,15,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,13,0,2,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,3,1,17,10,28,22,4,16,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,1,3,93,25,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124699659280786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460023344165944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383826115049446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480075928892714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598838598728914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520540342988022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836658209149684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918814871201747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074767943451206,0.0,0.07267974293829207,0.0,0.07905997300902431,0.11667968590628106,0.11125975488164903,0.3067406824837993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808621983821135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5521847107660244,0.24729645300811706,0.0,0.0,0.07645175389316278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681818315763635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103669450257336,0.0,0.15153263375188802,0.0,0.0,0.14019114373186384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942651970029579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064362985541754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499851596931119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512308609011162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070944250416425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918828152323124,0.0,0.0,0.12807469579768316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111672832884997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599707561221414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209601335364906,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kayheterochromia,2019/09/13,"DAE experience extreme confidence and optimism when starting a new job, relationship, schooling, or otherwise, and then after a week or so start questioning everything? (F23) Mobile user and long time lurker so I apologize if the formatting is off or if I break some unknown rules.

Let’s dive into it then: I have been diagnosed with cPTSD, depression, anxiety, and BPD- most of which was diagnosed during my adolescence. I have been more or less consistent in therapy and I’ve been working toward what I like to call, a more “adult” life. Meaning I maintain relationships, jobs, healthy habits, and daily routines. 

With the potent cocktail of mental illness I wake up to each morning, I never know how I’ll feel, if I’ll want the same things I did the day before, or if Ill even come across as the same person to others. This alone is maddening but when any change occurs that introduces NEW people into my life, I experience a burst of confidence and all around happiness about the opportunity to grow. After about a week, I start to pick up on queues from others that I’m annoying, incompetent, or strange. 

Even the slightest hint at any of the aforementioned feelings towards me can send me into a spiral and I pull away- thus causing the ostracism I was projecting. Does anyone else experience this/ have any suggestions on coping with this paranoia in a healthy way?",7.8118292682926835,8.663208394308946,7.690552845528457,69.13534146341466,62.6178861788618,11.275447154471545,36.31869918699186,11.072351349416056,4.3788279674796735,1099,49,177,29,15,352,156,246,0.1,0.7909999999999999,0.109,0.6574,2,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,2,10,5,1,0,16,0,13,7,1,4,2,44,23,27,0,5,11,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,11,17,1,0,5,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,6,2,17,3,34,16,9,39,0,1,0,0,9,16,0,13,18,129,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467388208786735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455807031592089,0.0,0.09208779032264497,0.0,0.0,0.08417013663419842,0.12334008001801293,0.0,0.10716071953496682,0.0,0.0,0.11309780381060845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243164358962756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161014797473316,0.0,0.12291799528491795,0.0,0.0,0.12365995540240465,0.12734251020638995,0.10369380545775056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763296603406826,0.0,0.10368021261771833,0.2443594853997088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534239766645302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005592256341318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901525393311608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818675059758666,0.35325431959597675,0.0,0.0,0.12173207925049324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281431580486355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389104561553288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615584618832332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309325707796782,0.17005114350225534,0.05880993959159246,0.0,0.0,0.10652952704040967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311254366382557,0.0,0.0,0.12131132733267147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284187588027458,0.2325209933279112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345399646956886,0.10510822772803699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484937194928015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584788958352419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182757332775968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556095889216765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766116413023052,0.0,0.07997288223358974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019257936348441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710012535733981,0.09554936360053297,0.19311773866716173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763561828027502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moon_leaf,2019/09/13,Am I being walked all over or just controlling my fucking BPD I never know if I’m justified in being mad or upset about something or if it’s the BPD acting up and I shouldn’t be upset about it. It makes me feel guilty for being mad about anything. I don’t know when I’m supposed to be mad.,0.1904761904761898,2.284512174603176,2.5295238095238126,92.95714285714287,85.98412698412699,4.8698412698412685,18.52380952380953,6.1826913282559595,-0.11591428571428565,229,6,50,2,7,78,41,63,0.262,0.698,0.04,-0.9313,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,4,2,1,0,8,1,0,2,2,15,15,7,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,1,6,0,8,9,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352944607830246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7202328563581719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320692673206426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457383677841573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643359178485363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142772083630495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085922469498426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22052537494404725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012141788380413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worriedsquishy,2019/09/13,"Stress bringing repressed memories to light I’ve been extremely stressed the last few days. My thoughts have been spiralling to all these horrible things, and out of no where I remember that just over a year ago I was drugged and raped by a client (I’m a former sex worker). 
I feel sick to my stomach. I moved to a different province a month after it happened and I haven’t thought about it in so long that it was like it never happened. And now it’s hitting me in the face again. I don’t know how to deal with it this time. I feel so much shame.",2.253035714285716,4.131902517857147,2.8958571428571425,94.24914285714287,77.39285714285714,6.265714285714287,26.378571428571423,7.1686216300943375,1.0564792857142855,430,17,95,5,10,134,77,112,0.21899999999999997,0.759,0.022000000000000002,-0.9693,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,4,7,0,7,6,2,1,2,17,17,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,6,3,10,1,14,10,3,19,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,13,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809780920346622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166818028398922,0.2104829847523584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330677625186026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676414613629485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064617929200981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610811557632406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220259031377812,0.1664200124550392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974368009124136,0.0,0.0,0.1806777415379104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296087865440656,0.2169928520148011,0.15008322250998496,0.0,0.1574630144356877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312767660984133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677358234560571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563675863088398,0.0,0.0,0.3241650741729302,0.11904902860691545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147421361603914
bpd,ididit2myself,2019/09/13,DOE feel like when a person doesn’t like you it’s because they can see through your act? So whenever I’m starting out in a new environment of people I’m usually the class clown and very extroverted and friendly. In these new situations when someone doesn’t seem to like me for no reason (rolls their eyes when I talk etc) I become a little paranoid that they somehow see through me and know that I’m not a good person.,4.41,5.605222857142858,5.181904761904762,82.84642857142858,70.42857142857143,7.980952380952381,29.47619047619048,8.344100000000001,2.016633333333333,336,13,67,5,6,109,59,84,0.077,0.79,0.133,0.6859,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,3,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,3,1,1,1,0,10,12,7,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,9,5,8,12,1,12,0,0,3,0,9,4,0,2,10,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993964532183722,0.2172997571883856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218108596982856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194331460827996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948492756487734,0.1405613701221522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201194779590865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502824103474809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081310630124942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883727584242679,0.1971995804268572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800532172122056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640471509059424,0.3435966751370189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229627453527568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31357553784361564,0.17911780018745274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211601695380068,0.0,0.0,0.16670934974175486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926376457397124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581437196745631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166971549980671,0.1623429712915169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jaelynne17,2019/09/13,"I FINALLY FORCED MYSELF TO ATTEND DBT GROUP THERAPY AND ITS THE BEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME A little bit of background. I’ve(21F) known I’ve had borderline for seven years. I’ve tried one on one therapy, and I’ve tried medications. Neither seemed to work for me whatsoever. SO Yesterday I started my first session of dialectical behavioral therapy. I was supposed to start three weeks ago and I just kept making excuses not to go. SO FINALLY I went. I forced myself and I’m so so happy that I did. I’m starting half way through and they are currently working on the mindfulness section, which I actually think is the perfect place for me to start. I would 100% recommend this to anyone with borderline because I’ve only attended ONE class and I already feel like this huge weight has been lifted from me. It was so nice to be in the same room with a handful of others that go through what I do and to just vent and then learn coping methods together. I feel HOPE and like I CAN get better and change. I’m GOING to be okay. I truly can’t wait for my 2nd class next week and to continue on for the next 8 months! I’ll probably keep posting updates on it and what I learn through the weeks but I hope this can push you all to try it out as well.",2.76629649030906,4.914796815261045,4.128559455212155,84.74531691985334,76.83132530120481,7.703928758512311,27.291950410337,8.587818076936951,2.12869603631919,993,41,196,21,23,327,145,249,0.02,0.847,0.133,0.9697,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,6,10,11,0,0,8,1,15,3,1,1,3,38,38,20,0,3,4,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,15,15,1,3,7,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,7,4,26,11,33,28,6,41,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,3,23,133,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.1081446601154962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098235539717156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229299446855996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748815434630395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675550471072357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162991036304128,0.09801157984624603,0.12098710268862654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723321929014595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002433368322592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120681814602897,0.07917006886738501,0.0,0.24279651843591074,0.0,0.09426371962453456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789905065837319,0.0,0.18894524927746054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799805550857164,0.11797030640985193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201391938437369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985022048888485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082824350392841,0.11107108837546288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397343358629402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163982777648357,0.0,0.0,0.11189694617623852,0.0,0.08845573343944596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357173652184616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252841794403316,0.08428385788475798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578366229220062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613524655621448,0.0,0.11948306375338627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088667009927133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31375681163241576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801981306020997,0.0,0.0736241057676668,0.07100919540123449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257191973720772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796402299483717,0.26668016245271586,0.13494931183593936,0.09964078939760522,0.10273156002842733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613570462656621,0.0,0.0,0.07872358579707323,0.0,0.0,0.07136466181214139
bpd,thecapriciousbitch,2019/09/13,"No one likes me and I just need to accept that. I’m way too drunk, way too quickly but I guess that’s life.  There’s too much in my life that’s shit. I hate life. Everyone at this party is singing along  to an 80s song. I’m here thinking about how easier it would be if I just left. No one would notice.  No one would care. 
I could just leave this world. No one. Not one person would care. More and more people arrive. I could just leave this world. 


Some of these people class themselves as my friends. I would be fine to just disappear.",-0.8220720720720713,1.278542153153154,0.3159009009009015,103.78123873873876,100.44144144144144,3.547747747747748,12.472972972972975,5.46131890053228,-1.3900594594594595,413,7,98,3,18,127,65,111,0.198,0.604,0.198,0.4474,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,13,8,2,0,1,0,10,5,1,1,0,24,18,6,0,9,8,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,0,1,8,3,1,0,2,3,0,1,5,2,0,5,0,1,10,6,9,9,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,2,68,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776167354831152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740057323709874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009188201033456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518488512307077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997849035671526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441448484927532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883146866286049,0.14792137249270795,0.0,0.2884886108905725,0.06651331448456065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008185549732393,0.10094940453241284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500138929706345,0.0,0.0,0.4612751049319844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877087617234675,0.11887610588175468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975034907733205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723588351710848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161302975006097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4835656510285698,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,male2017,2019/09/13,"Panic in Sleep When I try to nap or sleep sober, I get random rushes of adrenaline that feel like a shock of fear and panic, like my heart is going to stop or explode.  It makes my whole body jerk uncontrollably and I feel like I see all black with a bright flash and it stops as fast as it starts but a feeling of falling like out of the sky to the ground is often there.  This happens 3-6 times before I fall asleep.  It's the same exact feeling I get when I get surprised or spooked out of my peripheral vision.  Everything goes black and I feel really dizzy and a rush of panic.  Sometimes I also feel like I'm gasping for air and wake up similar and have to take a series of panicked breaths as if I had been holding my breath in my sleep.  I feel constant physical tension in my muscles, throughout my body and face.  I never realized I had this tension until I took xanax and buspar a few yrs ago and experienced the tension not being there.  Maybe my tension is causing me to not breathe and my body is jerking itself awake to breathe?  The only thing I've found besides those drugs that immediately releases the tension is alcohol and it's obviously not a good long term solution.  If you have had these experiences has DBT or anything helped?  I don't want to take a prescription if I can help it.",5.955232558139535,5.9300389418604675,6.531178294573648,78.87234883720933,66.55813953488372,9.36062015503876,33.091472868217046,9.029198982220553,2.7017314728682167,1029,41,202,16,15,337,145,258,0.17300000000000001,0.722,0.105,-0.9493,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,6,21,2,10,14,0,15,17,14,2,4,48,36,27,0,4,11,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,14,15,1,3,9,1,0,6,5,13,0,0,6,12,27,8,26,29,5,28,0,0,4,0,3,9,0,9,18,130,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349361480444532,0.11271634734044696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434506381358335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679358785925596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897479922757613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514632761913622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834769738479358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397660501215777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231279283312654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479047017805667,0.10317080684394236,0.0,0.11868411778571343,0.37330489523524346,0.22604535824938385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564342973266503,0.0,0.0,0.16531262174716715,0.0,0.05994155952770633,0.08846401120864403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326759418926414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498355868458295,0.1413898809503152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576388418284981,0.0,0.0,0.0933384531860752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040266410091668,0.0,0.10595972443422184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134568251928183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021539420456808,0.0,0.3712422305917126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756737785318967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404667504367712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166412965227005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431344566305,0.0,0.07465286640021637,0.0,0.0,0.17635683863471888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860202517387753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007019867537671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061500946873097685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171820828948186,0.07160783749559167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220948658017985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775452564152125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,euphoriaax,2019/09/13,"DAE not get angry over ANYTHING even though it's valid? this is probably my comorbid CPTSD speaking as well but I seem to never be able to get mad at anything even if it's justifiable. the self blame is just too strong even though realistically I know it's not my fault. I just always seem to think about it from the other side so deeply that I'm like, oh okay that makes sense from their side so why the hell am I so mad and I can't be mad at them so I'm mad at myself for being mad?? ugh",1.5215303983228523,2.9876607547169804,3.1410691823899377,93.520178197065,78.24528301886792,6.220545073375264,18.381551362683442,6.937597516519254,-0.1880197064989515,384,7,93,4,9,127,67,106,0.267,0.607,0.125,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,14,12,6,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,1,13,16,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,1,10,4,12,13,0,7,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,3,2,59,18,0,0.21100375789869907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755720297303376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472762281305805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180979762047648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048150928625415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596214711613215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308577789780868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084664686841392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273910606053646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274977390037964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841797928881057,0.2201229376980149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520268810316466,0.4146202416217544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971771888353672,0.0,0.19039807196850392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IntegrityForYou08,2019/09/13,"Maladaptive Daydreaming / Approval Seeking I'ev read other stories online in which other people have a habit to maladaptive daydream as a coping mechanism. I have had this my whole life even as a kid, in which I daydream scenarios where I am constantly being liked and accepted by other people. I have a really bad issue with this. It's almost kind of like breathing. It's so natural and integral to my day to day living. My daydreaming isn't the typical kind where you lay down and just daydream with your eyes closed. I can literslly be doing work, and in the back of my head it's like my subconscious mind is just making up scenarios.
If you have this, how does it affect you and what do you do about it? 
I have tried stopping the thoughts and telling myself that they are not good, kind of a method that I learned from CBT for stopping automatic negative thoughts, but it hardly has a lasting effect because once I stop the habit of daydreaming I'm left seeking another way to get a ""high"", whether that's through food, masturbation, etc. Maladaptive daydreaming definitely helps fill that void, but I also know that its a result of approval seeking addiction/codependency.",10.044,8.694387841860467,9.315,66.57250000000002,58.95348837209302,13.065116279069764,41.96511627906977,11.979248473330829,5.146265116279071,946,44,157,24,10,301,128,215,0.057,0.84,0.10300000000000001,0.8694,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,5,1,4,10,9,0,0,12,0,17,5,3,5,0,31,23,15,0,1,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,21,9,1,3,6,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,2,21,8,23,18,2,20,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,2,11,117,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113720257635995,0.0,0.0,0.11271457962670214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779432024566225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083788838731553,0.11768414207236395,0.0859194605519312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231270853760526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817972040901927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233429195498871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719220686418536,0.09309359815019297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043263557361713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736385423747789,0.0,0.0,0.11821893759559135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626005947521365,0.0,0.1446514056710259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447322862904584,0.14891733854921632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711115432403565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403211556418724,0.07746031412724934,0.11488991836799972,0.0,0.0,0.15313839676153526,0.0,0.09955442906652433,0.20657749800077485,0.0,0.12445802651325673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940826449105938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231542519109788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010304229991775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542861754969554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140984285018047,0.0,0.09029370833168224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535118600705576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319314142602728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237909873942976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569317914242877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187648780256088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736133517144005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261047075721584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Paco9897,2019/09/13,"Now that I'm trying to fix myself with DBT and medication, I realized that I have no true emotional support systems in my life, and the loneliness is incredibly painful. It feels as if the only way for me to connect with people is to revert back to the impulsive, people-pleasing, substance-abusing, emotions-on-my-sleeve, self-detrimental personality that almost killed me in the first place. I'm trying so hard to develop and preserve a sense of self that I never had and noone understands.

People fucking suck.",11.111451612903233,9.038221193548388,10.733413978494628,59.52012096774196,57.494623655913976,13.601075268817205,44.755376344086024,12.161744961471696,5.631969892473117,413,20,64,10,4,136,66,93,0.18100000000000002,0.746,0.07400000000000001,-0.8849,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,5,0,4,4,0,0,2,13,11,7,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,2,7,2,12,10,0,10,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,2,5,44,12,0,0.0,0.23181895999371935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959200331942856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044647434116548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008533049241827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989289523503957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642388420322518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087972211331751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526828215340925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646306219285946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819678080128378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710164042270295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090105371783205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880430202293013,0.20819051599187294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27128482454322705,0.1708382361751104,0.20441763684580114,0.21477023091476452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082212819055183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202676346577707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656735501599297,0.0,0.0,0.20368356073461294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530168377879666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinksol,2019/09/13,"i! hate! my! obsession! problems!! I could find one person to obsess over, and the only thing to get over that obsession is to find someone new to obsess over!! I hate it so much, i just want to not be obsessive over someone. it consumes so much of my time, i've started letting my grades slip and skipping class devastated that my obsession feels nothing towards me. i also base my worth around them, and constantly social media stalk them which only gets me hurt.",2.284890282131663,5.1266159425287405,3.363510971786837,85.03485893416929,84.97701149425288,5.922257053291537,25.15047021943574,7.348242739294969,1.612572413793104,365,15,64,6,11,117,56,87,0.287,0.6629999999999999,0.049,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,5,10,2,6,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,11,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,10,0,1,0,1,14,0,12,8,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,48,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106468255741787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816263074172294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413571199837036,0.0,0.1508226975962772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551441414940844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34530560327058524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973867633571268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37300279201880493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222325888839127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316486513553047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27772908234395305,0.0,0.0,0.18244251303268488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125634942725607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800473269032886,0.2873366268004344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494174511005705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075348853429146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192561572356892,0.32011172473194105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370564980156954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549794666141806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015014508613027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141916215826456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,j-udas,2019/09/13,"DAE feel worse and cr*zier when they became self aware? I feel like I’m so hyper focused on my anxiety and disappointment and second guessing every single thought I have. I don’t know what’s me or my bpd. I don’t know what’s appropriate to feel or inappropriate. I feel like a major burden on my SO, because I’m already such a burden on myself. 

I feel like I’m blacking out with fear and I know it’s ridiculous I’m feeling this way at all.",0.67029644268775,3.0305848043478285,3.1913833992094887,87.07851778656128,86.82608695652176,5.084584980237153,22.49407114624506,6.574015621080383,0.6738347826086949,350,13,71,4,11,121,55,92,0.21,0.6629999999999999,0.127,-0.8281,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,20,18,9,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,7,13,3,7,17,3,7,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,3,4,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049151729180466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205347894996648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319580667414983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23387192686970176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564530862256003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089545476737844,0.563347170024122,0.3979741052803633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456010747692813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061535542661161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27215844206554074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371671827892792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741829837950848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739325879527904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892354888608532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goldvines,2019/09/13,"Diagnosis seems to fit best here I’m currently not diagnosed with BPD but in 2009 I was misdiagnosed as having depression, and about 3 months ago was diagnosed as being bipolar.

With that said, after over a decade of poor treatment trying to fix the ‘depression’, I am utterly terrified of going another 10 years misdiagnosed. 

I’ve been throwing myself into all manner of educational books, Ted Talks, subreddits, doctoral essays, ect and what I’ve found is, I feel that I am much more likely to be BPD (hitting 8, possibly 9 of the 9 traits one must possess to be diagnosed) among other things, especially relating to accounts of those who are diagnosed and who do suffer with BPD. 

I have a doctors appointment on the 2nd as a follow up to how I’m adjusting to new meds for the bipolar diagnoses and I’m on the wait list for a psychiatrist. In the mean time what resources, advice or key inputs can I consider while I continue my research? What things have you found to be helpful? 

I know that mental illness is not cut and dry and there can be a lot of overlap but I cannot afford another decade long failed treatment plan of what I’m leaning towards is not what I’m being treated for. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I’m currently living away from my husband and children as he needed a break from my reactivity and insecurity, my “false reality” as he says, and in a fight for my life, my marriage and my job.",7.927626128518322,7.315367033457253,8.879779607010091,65.62171933085503,62.68029739776953,12.295379713223578,38.54514073287308,11.629938488055165,4.692163887413702,1128,52,196,31,14,387,155,269,0.127,0.8190000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9755,4,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,1,0,3,4,11,2,1,13,0,24,11,0,1,2,33,42,20,0,2,6,1,1,1,0,1,11,2,0,1,14,14,0,1,7,1,2,3,4,7,0,1,6,3,18,4,42,28,5,28,0,4,0,0,13,13,0,3,12,137,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346844356598027,0.09682211237536698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427731328097885,0.2290656230467616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262126743221968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462577508383917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41269834647206816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815210318830733,0.5543096164536431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223594540737004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522786402096902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23952098060319246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062075559113694515,0.0,0.0,0.1204218686358812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321177478667923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838978736724993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060027662387374475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771494374184428,0.05336222574761796,0.0,0.09644841337286188,0.0966614267961261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285989892354707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189789549137013,0.1213252794300156,0.0,0.11007395144127376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718301938360329,0.0,0.08029355637551876,0.08098957262153353,0.0,0.10549099202610136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401425255044349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313571742534285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389878150407683,0.08686076795800103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994350979050234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877915887334926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512958268865736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369046273152991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415717216044086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033785659955505
bpd,saskatoonbiatch,2019/09/13,"My friend is dating my rapist She doesn’t care. She doesn’t believe me. Lol. She’s trying to poke holes in my story. She claims since my ex was sexually and physically violent and I took a while to leave him that I must be lying. And apparently he’s “so good to her” so obviously I’m a lying slut. 

“Why don’t women come forward” 

This is why. Fuck I’m so hurt. My bpd symptoms are spiraling.",-1.0974041811846718,0.8744756707317087,2.0918466898954726,90.49731707317076,103.26829268292684,5.269686411149826,16.83275261324042,6.868970318607317,0.27187526132404205,303,9,67,6,14,107,57,82,0.27899999999999997,0.5920000000000001,0.13,-0.9418,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,2,1,9,4,0,0,2,6,15,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,2,0,14,3,4,11,0,6,0,1,0,3,10,2,1,0,3,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28365448281339856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170909283497017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566925926203127,0.0,0.0,0.21687443403980602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451407221343806,0.23275395130010534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116968540517325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695211052500973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665842326559265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826374218025528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168165708934943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797216997278081,0.17093283822304586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543599766720687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Twoshanesdied,2019/09/13,The relationship conundrum I've got the most wonderful fiancé. I love her with all I know and we're in a newly polyamorous relationship where usually I can contain my jealousy. I've become a little more obsessed lately especially since we've overcome what feels like a new wall of intimacy. That being me actually crying during sex which isn't something I've ever felt enough comfort and emotion to do. Lately when she doesn't wake up and I'm awake on my own I get angry almost. I start feeling like she doesn't want to be awake to spend time with me and I can't understand why.,3.6471052631578935,5.793733885964914,5.106877192982456,78.75347368421055,74.17543859649123,7.717894736842108,27.18947368421053,8.548686976883017,2.168448421052632,469,18,85,9,10,157,81,114,0.10300000000000001,0.745,0.152,0.7609,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,8,3,1,0,2,18,20,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,13,4,9,16,5,14,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,3,10,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.17014995367426022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459609250411626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256663309534894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915259861070834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961312383167462,0.0,0.1801602197943276,0.0,0.0,0.15771836630626326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632304603354654,0.2491252649143664,0.16741269280169702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109576725087147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945141142963272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582355271241856,0.0,0.3933707605780512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703667225547112,0.1747542645328139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736647200331325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683977225344121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743942149815285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423217797362392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423064561114997,0.0,0.0,0.12341272076500202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167056603751293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151463753746194,0.0,0.0,0.19203261926861045,0.0,0.10284189163072276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573325446220432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908569937367026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kristen0522,2019/09/13,"I feel like I’m not enough. Why wasn’t my love enough for him to stay? I feel like part of me is gone, like half of myself died. I worked on myself and my mental health for 3.5 years and am in a much better state, on the right meds and incredibly stable. But it still isn’t enough. I was told I didn’t go to therapy enough or try hard enough to avoid manic states and breakdowns. Where did I go wrong? Will I ever truly be enough for anyone?",1.5813829787234042,3.073779000000002,2.6754787234042574,96.80875,78.14893617021276,5.5510638297872354,14.941489361702127,5.985473137389443,-0.937314893617021,342,3,82,2,8,109,62,94,0.10099999999999999,0.6970000000000001,0.20199999999999999,0.8816,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,2,0,9,2,0,0,1,11,17,6,1,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,6,3,13,5,11,9,8,14,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,6,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812574372622804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146662919769232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080315703995385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7813594637870701,0.0,0.0,0.1140047622306415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745292390236138,0.18007710362062024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325579401206442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290150404441597,0.0,0.0,0.13396800589835856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472120417936586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375039980426285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999510827320233,0.0,0.12701239859059402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264932395985316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648229303932385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076321525445058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433523149191262,0.10065073302391532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413060209131076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043067008529595,0.0,0.08556865802912818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137258758180881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175408698005152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779814443245178,0.0,0.08116161690803883
bpd,Kernacken,2019/09/13,"Has anyone ever done this lifetrap test? I found it interesting! Apologies if this breaks any sub rules. This test is based of schema theory and can be quite enlightening!

https://www.tunnelukkosi.fi/en/lifetrap-test-eng.php",10.537741935483872,15.464850516129037,5.0989677419354855,69.54845161290325,76.09677419354837,7.6412903225806454,22.32903225806452,8.238735603445708,2.32422064516129,190,5,23,4,5,48,28,31,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.7831,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29964971234175497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30810511867277385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509268072713533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985833118805113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831380523017746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686739443724325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ArchetypicalDegen,2019/09/13,"Impulsive spending Anyone else have this problem? For me, I'm kinda stressing about a few things, so my impulsive spending habit has returned hard. Bought a stupid video game (when I haven't even finished all the ones I have), and just now even bought a pack of watercolour pencils. 

I'm broke af I don't know why I'm doing this.",2.349397321428569,4.941854609375003,2.725714285714286,91.805,81.03125,5.5321428571428575,24.767857142857146,6.868970318607317,0.9814982142857144,261,10,51,3,7,80,47,64,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,6,12,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,5,0,3,10,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23270481653320574,0.3409977913724929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27801566075163275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396287920180504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981276829458349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290078483248934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255171089773015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184491957061444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812267121692214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211006852546545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300304518842318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,i_hateyoudontleaveme,2019/09/13,"emotionally exhausting day i honestly had the worst day ive had in a long time without even having something bad happen. 

​

i was actually doing ok when i woke up because i had a practice singing lesson with this super cool singing teacher my cousin found for me. she is a really big deal and he knows her because of music biz connections. she is also totally affordable, it is like a dream. 

the practice lesson was fine but kind of weird. she said ""we need to CHOOSE each other to work together. i want you to go home and think about whether I have something to add to your life. i want you to take at least a day."" sounds great except lol anxiety so fighting the urge to text her ALL DAY and terrified she will say no because i think i would be crazy to pass up an opportunity like this. 

so after the lesson i was super emotional already because i didnt like walking out of there not knowing whether or not i had a teacher (although i get what she was trying to do with this). then i had to fucking get my birth control prescribed. i also need a pap smear but it isnt as urgent as the birth control since i am running out (i dont have refills because i just moved back to this country after being away for a long time). then my mom yelled (not even in a mean way, just a frustrated way) at me because i called the wrong doctor, not the one she recommended. I flipped out at her and cried. 

I feel so dumb because the whole reason she went to find this gyno is because i had a really negative experience with one a while back so she wanted to make sure i had the best, but the gyno she said was not available soon enough so i figured that for the prescription i would just see a different one and then do the pap smear later with the one my mom found. but my mom was like ""u can just use our family doctor for the prescription and it would be free.""

and my dad jumped in with ""im friends with all the ladies at the pharmacy and i know they would do me a favor and let me use your old prescription to get it. they have done it in the past when it was urgent.""

​

so now i feel DUMB. but i still cried and cried and cried and died inside. im 24 years old. FML.",4.062707390648569,4.8191239434389175,4.972742081447965,85.65215987933638,70.87782805429866,8.0652790346908,27.85550527903469,8.238735603445708,1.68508754147813,1701,58,359,24,30,555,203,442,0.158,0.71,0.132,-0.9568,2,0,2,0,2,0,46.0,2,4,2,10,23,28,5,0,32,3,42,9,0,6,4,78,72,37,1,9,19,5,2,4,1,5,8,5,1,0,14,24,0,2,17,3,1,7,11,10,0,4,22,9,59,19,48,41,9,52,0,0,1,1,33,15,3,1,32,261,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0688037409566957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780518708225831,0.11276733653051553,0.0,0.1527865664841617,0.17134515291976973,0.0,0.0,0.05393694057886138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624276141668309,0.10842961142207427,0.058869612508563963,0.34383870319770665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399175688505621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199456718992492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815707622959022,0.0,0.0,0.3097903713759506,0.1818822956341748,0.07268864879905074,0.0,0.0,0.07317415563741761,0.07366382305758061,0.0,0.14433187375995962,0.0,0.07215217543418409,0.08263257363706301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861964841313705,0.0,0.07285160428054505,0.0,0.09313717130656296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896845274318246,0.06646683560875448,0.0,0.07129996172207546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064441258722214,0.0,0.0,0.15461250449734448,0.054472804697366435,0.0651817135255835,0.1105095141697103,0.0,0.04007021697419246,0.0,0.0,0.07773317668938955,0.0,0.0,0.06234827330605746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072332382767768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231728080002313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342120854317813,0.11624485501178652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209722015710282,0.04980051313161498,0.13778279209803682,0.0,0.0,0.12479128339905088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706334049885655,0.0,0.0,0.07680176557125702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24772752526259334,0.0,0.07493678042700569,0.0,0.10455869569045978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796849273543206,0.0,0.1911069155863419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673060092800148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033597097863692,0.07249196930599086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413481175730946,0.0560692463880562,0.0,0.0,0.05618419893467957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583233388938529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855801450008523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056306228152142375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645112426513743,0.0,0.05301178023509786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035486876027173,0.0,0.0,0.08222529759787874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786898452608327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178919122023299,0.0,0.0,0.124758897404165,0.11192885243121432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535982115736771,0.0,0.0787174946619114,0.0,0.06796532287984139,0.0,0.05132924917857023,0.0,0.0,0.20034191974266147,0.07708730504239775,0.17134515291976973,0.045403589040280204
bpd,nmschngd2prtctnncnt,2019/09/13,If God is real he hates me I was cursed. This everyday battle between logic and emotion is a never-ending curse. My PCOS and all of the embarrassing bullshit that comes along with it is a fucking curse.,2.8888461538461527,5.437834230769234,4.2483974358974415,81.96951923076925,78.48717948717949,5.951282051282053,25.134615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.3952,161,6,28,2,4,53,34,39,0.386,0.5710000000000001,0.043,-0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,9,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375715935250305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408144390008933,0.3470910839823215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36228854077471706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38690228625976175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022435125068971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460474439911798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rose88995,2019/09/13,"Crashing and Burning Ive been pretty stable since becoming pregnant, my counselor and I have deducted that I have had about 7 months of recovery. But, now I'm crashing and burning. I have to give up my dogs that I have had for 1 to 2 years because finances are tight and I have a physical disability and I'm pregnant and my husband only feeds, waters, or takes them out when I ask/tell him to. He is 5'11 and weighs 289 pounds. I have tried to loving encourage him to loose weight,  eat healthier, help clean, help keep things organized. He listens for about a week but never does anything without being told. I try the hard love approach and it doesn't work. We thought we couldn't have children so we got 2 dogs. THESE DOGS ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYE. But they have knocked me down 3 times while pregnant resulting in emergency medical care. And my husband still didn't step up to the plate. We also have one cat. I was changing the cat litter for the 1st 3 months of my pregnancy. Im tired of acting like my marriage is great on Facebook. To top off the situation,  Its been really hard for me to take care of my dogs since being pregnant and my husband hasn't stepped up to the plate as far as taking them outside. He is willing to pay for anything but he physically hasn't stepped up as far as walking them etc. So Ive been wanting to give them to my mom because im pregnant and its hardbut he always said no. And now they have fleas because the vet gave the dogs a lower dose than what they were supposed to have. Pregnant people should not be exposed to fleas because the bites can cause birth defects. My dogs are my babies but now i actually have a baby to consider. And my husband doesn't care for the dogs ( take them out, feed, or water them) without me telling him to do so. So next weekend my dogs are going to start living with my mom until we get a house. We already planed to get a house 1 to 2 yrs after Nathaniel is born. Im going to miss my dogs so much it breaks my heart but i can't think with my heart i have to use my head and think of nathan. ( nathan is the name we chose for our unborn baby) And I'm at breaking point, last week was our first marriage counseling session with my counselor. In a private session my counselor said my husband sees no problem with our marriage because he likes not having to do anything. Anyways,  also I have always been the person to initiate sex. ALWAYS. I feel like I got married to spite his family because they didn't like me. I didn't even originally want marriage I just wanted commitment so that I don't end up with a revolving door of men like my mom. I also had no where to live when I met my husband because I was going to college and my mom moved to a 1 bedroom apartment and my grandmother is a hoarder. So I felt like I had no option. I still feel like I have no options. I don't know what to do.  Is this BPD? Or is this rational? The court would give my unborn son nathan to my husband because hes able bodied with no recorded mental health issues. So I want to have the baby, give it to my husband and leave him and start my masters degree. But, idk if i should..... And im scared of what people will think. Is this BPD?",2.7455629973095204,4.431274327666152,3.8920513481023526,88.49883493617266,75.42967542503864,6.33818764668842,26.973753506211004,7.016131500887134,1.2327859293605812,2498,97,512,25,54,812,269,647,0.085,0.81,0.10400000000000001,0.9556,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,10,0,10,4,24,19,1,1,25,0,68,19,5,4,2,79,115,50,0,10,16,13,7,7,0,5,4,3,3,3,16,35,7,2,8,1,2,10,22,5,0,2,24,12,90,14,76,82,2,58,0,1,2,3,69,19,0,6,34,339,106,6,0.06419103616534295,0.0,0.06264119162908648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083640461968757,0.1540006452895265,0.1602362529787758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584712599999961,0.0,0.06000995366166568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130420787738882,0.07089395621104147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130177034645756,0.1616927258730012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634111843659705,0.06594187637651028,0.06790560483528184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617400832405081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568345530689257,0.0,0.0,0.056854205133543785,0.0,0.07158997345845418,0.04239757398712853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605135960407658,0.0,0.0649138332200586,0.09171617812499301,0.06163346121744445,0.0,0.0,0.054600862570234686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707433401815541,0.2463115641615589,0.10944373540732,0.0,0.10267887116835188,0.07077084398655548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500511999940405,0.0,0.06587852222002392,0.06823206973558299,0.0,0.15213337384744072,0.08605179690531874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481356745626314,0.0,0.0,0.2773493371827218,0.06699876440184901,0.0,0.0570559423437103,0.0,0.0,0.035277714735849036,0.052324261938223614,0.0,0.06796903884516263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952348499135815,0.0,0.11336372193659525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158698326491998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466571569706978,0.06468946656183122,0.0,0.0,0.3007190629656856,0.10247334529793864,0.06822491273765581,0.04718779749681098,0.0,0.049508084342567454,0.0,0.06826789519327008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434975073827098,0.04882017556261465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900396414367498,0.05604913681589059,0.0,0.0,0.06068127755274209,0.0,0.0,0.06530536087422027,0.0,0.06142215242143869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112242147293956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212074998522847,0.0,0.0642664254183076,0.0,0.05115194498230959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061989768956728,0.07215341414883082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908694915745594,0.0,0.10252608880116924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305468209327795,0.0,0.056105794942957136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042645672130155424,0.12339307216293892,0.0,0.05096051250696347,0.03743030939865008,0.07377815318917505,0.0,0.06133728590240654,0.0,0.0871629998919804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544044523959599,0.0,0.0,0.15144614505087334,0.0,0.10298035453644977,0.07816738888356012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375573640184645,0.0,0.04673183883992059,0.0,0.0,0.04559947036105832,0.0,0.0,0.04133692270469057
bpd,snorting_anthrax,2019/09/13,I got the job! I went to the interview I was talking about yesterday and everything went super smooth! The job is really repetitive so it won't trigger my fear of priority management. The employees all seem really nice and there's roughly a dozen social events organized every year. The best part is its really close and I'll make over three times the money I got from social welfare.,4.057440476190475,6.720344625000003,5.465873015873015,74.19500000000002,74.97222222222223,10.225396825396826,26.952380952380967,10.290406445055957,3.6010214285714284,311,12,52,11,7,104,54,72,0.03,0.779,0.19,0.9203,3,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,7,0,4,0,0,2,1,8,10,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,5,2,5,3,5,4,3,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,33,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774610875726154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678927748916555,0.0,0.1779130856309821,0.0,0.0,0.22275928762652425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166523279456187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928881883346645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213939316164752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437066859727505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38045345674332137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021474357365855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035892244532938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911221474978984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543168007149375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670205732675612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747932126257006
bpd,quarkalark,2019/09/13,"Seasonal component? Does anyone else notice a seasonal component to BPD symptoms? 

I also have PMDD, which is much less intense in the summer and I’m wondering if this has a seasonal component too.

I exercise daily, sometimes twice per day and eat a mostly healthy diet - water all day, lots of fruit and veggies, whole grains, not much red meat, mostly dairy free, not many sweets.

Lately I’ve been having off the charts anxiety, especially related to my current relationship and fear of abandonment - my last real love totally ripped my heart out by cheating on me a stringing me along, which sometimes feels like it’s left me with relationship PTSD.

My period is set to start within days and I’m hoping I feel better after that - otherwise I’m going to be very frustrated with myself and the condition of my mental health right now.

Frankly, I’m scared that either I’m having some anxiety/intuition about my relationship or just scared to death that with the changing seasons, this type of thing is going to be my reality for the next 6+ months. It ruins relationships and runs my life. 

I live in a place that’s gloomy in the fall/winter and sometimes spring months.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Besides taking medication (have tried many types and have had bad reactions - refusing to be a guinea pig anymore) or hormonal birth control (same thing, bad reactions to different types have left me wanting none of it) and diet/exercise - what else can I do?

I have no health insurance and therapy is expensive, though I want to look for resources regarding more affordable therapy or something. I just want to find someone who gets BPD & PMDD.

I’m not one that’s super into labeling myself with diagnoses, but the symptoms I’m exhibiting make it clear that something is definitely awry whether I want to accept a diagnosis or not.",8.1878269776237,8.517703805389221,8.188543964702172,67.66482351087302,61.8443113772455,12.061519067128902,37.04002521273243,11.622719091009314,4.671834730538922,1477,65,240,42,19,479,192,334,0.10300000000000001,0.816,0.08199999999999999,-0.6174,3,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,3,7,18,2,4,14,0,20,14,1,2,3,56,43,20,1,6,14,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,19,19,4,3,5,1,2,3,6,10,0,2,2,6,23,9,35,38,14,36,0,2,2,1,7,12,0,11,21,156,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682734721996437,0.0,0.09250257849721104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531079524341217,0.0,0.08466796221394927,0.11939082347541916,0.17495128687829165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256727086640414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550627142100888,0.0,0.0,0.21505086171594906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031425969427886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575408162820156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517729650234614,0.0,0.0,0.08665270531961852,0.0,0.08919754833936773,0.0,0.0,0.14942253995537513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735880719410186,0.21395680053401775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606936612308543,0.08633521202570033,0.06099112694335061,0.0,0.0,0.07803019245188182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044604335945690916,0.0,0.09703990282260197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149691415091604,0.0,0.10116847546791714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479554021495514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959111832466729,0.09630547107482368,0.0,0.1855179712974739,0.0,0.06030210614931447,0.041709372214129736,0.0,0.0753867125381388,0.0,0.07169256900856769,0.0,0.0,0.07258183169283533,0.07705327256856492,0.0,0.05698773719465375,0.1731114571388547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600521643166549,0.08603680501368655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628925537779768,0.0,0.1255192706954214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907961048314432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719874419127213,0.0,0.0,0.057851560078804515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919754833936773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979751344317132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717418211394564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666384475399338,0.0,0.07290883901440462,0.0,0.0,0.1709483230119571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233702335077326,0.1314499892087893,0.2533108925591334,0.0,0.060428081601357125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892513306849585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774723299250608,0.06419054338762664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526497643126434,0.0,0.1134372432715242,0.0,0.08387941740352224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057963269947097336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044240364046635,0.2014229386072036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531690379104213,0.0,0.0,0.09258434625356783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skudd_,2019/09/13,"I'm starting to think I don't need that much medication For a long time I have been taking 3x300mg of lithium, 2x100mg of lamotrigine and 50mg of venlafaxine, and it was working wonders, I had my mood swings under control, I could participate in conversations like a ""normal person"" and etc. 

But here's what happened recently, my asshole psychiatrist stopped working at the clinic I went to, I still could go to the other one that wasn't so far away, my appointment was scheduled for 11/09, as he stopped working, every patient had to move too, and this filled up his schedule, and I had to move the appointment to 27/09.

My medication obviously wouldn't last 16 more days than what it was supposed to, and I couldn't buy more because it's a controlled substance, the only one I could buy was the venlafaxine because there was still a working prescription around, so I had no other option other than ration the ones I had, taking 2x300mg of lithium and 1x100mg lamotrigine, and guess what? I'm still fine, not a single thing changed on the way I was feeling, so I'm thinking now that I was taking more meds than necessary.

Sorry for the long post :(",16.53546969696969,7.900558213636367,14.532727272727273,56.17742424242425,55.5,17.393939393939394,54.39393939393939,12.161744961471696,6.377121212121213,917,39,168,15,6,295,117,220,0.053,0.917,0.028999999999999998,-0.5688,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,0,13,0,21,3,0,2,1,29,37,13,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,14,9,0,4,4,0,2,5,6,0,0,3,15,1,18,2,25,17,6,30,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,16,121,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047644199128138,0.0,0.0,0.11056874068268437,0.0,0.0,0.14347911982184894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449491072762743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639870134453209,0.2818852028003989,0.0,0.0,0.0758969582134661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312496571722271,0.0,0.0,0.09915451713542714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595049693712499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688298215482558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296430717435537,0.0,0.10406827728432257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095928816696197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057494847301864126,0.0,0.0,0.2082946839552198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072127927490218,0.23711010372039265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501606293406157,0.08651186674574092,0.08726178576099156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530611416430045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392387923627407,0.08950459116177288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275782538394222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270950439711493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619953939005075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173849519112116,0.0832979050026947,0.0,0.28194969259568164,0.1967795196558962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654529637618245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818454982680417,0.15081533196556018,0.0,0.0,0.06862295149856719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934127140438061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909498580769576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762414219671478,0.3427037351998361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neekoru,2019/09/13,"I'm struggling to not take my insecurities out on my S/O. I'm sure this is a relatable scenario to many of you. I'm trying really hard not to be jealous/take it out on my S/O. We've had our ups and downs but they are a rock for me in a chaotic ocean and I really don't want to push them away again. I'm super insecure about my looks, I've gained a lot of weight, don't have a lot of clothes I feel comfortable in. Also I've become quite a homebody due to a decline in MH. 

I think I know they do really love me but I worry that I am not good enough, not fun enough and not attractive enough on top of being difficult to deal with at times. I really want to make them feel good and stop getting jealous over stuff. I guess it doesn't help that they seem to like a lot of half naked pictures of girls they actually know etc, but also I really don't want to ascribe to toxic monogamy culture. I feel stupid because I see little things or think something and my mood drops like a cannonball. I really want to stop feeling like this. 

Does anyone have any tips for how to deal with these feelings? Also how to not to take it out on said person? I'm sorry if my rambling doesn't make much sense. If you read this far ta very much!",2.7264670296430755,3.6273145363984685,4.280012099213554,88.84382940108894,74.13409961685824,7.6403307118370645,23.69852792901795,8.032893268588372,1.0204973180076635,958,26,218,14,19,321,133,261,0.2,0.6729999999999999,0.127,-0.9514,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,2,6,4,8,18,2,3,9,0,14,2,0,4,1,47,43,16,0,6,12,0,7,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,11,10,1,2,10,2,0,1,11,6,0,1,2,10,29,11,40,39,9,25,0,0,2,1,17,18,0,8,8,136,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.09873131528572597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427266447023564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880184920227662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074327469801428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505638606110113,0.0,0.0,0.06167478494049874,0.1117388312784698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086120842408667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853812615099735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31361963512218605,0.11283585220849147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25578329400261224,0.07227878863543058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052859285138915024,0.0,0.0,0.16972004957352946,0.0,0.0,0.11145466432658918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063211017254638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781485848376881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120526559484313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482856465915943,0.10140301549623344,0.0,0.0,0.08496075251920265,0.0,0.0,0.25804377462502937,0.09131356446035803,0.0,0.13506897865093168,0.10257464526382876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874919174217438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834131111728323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761109628222053,0.1012014670788408,0.0,0.38888826864577775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623972625803597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062264902989949,0.0921050898219144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778887558101395,0.0,0.11325610819728572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917213557681618,0.0,0.10576912395799458,0.11582012499571474,0.0,0.0,0.09535538053143852,0.0,0.15214064571120445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721556840082539,0.12965654063469406,0.0,0.0,0.058995424294649365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869056446548252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347921835302369,0.2387003935742917,0.0,0.0,0.12320278264536068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274719740385137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notyouraverageoreo,2019/09/13,New here with bpd and a question How do you deal with losing all of your favorite people? It just feels empty and I don't know how to make it stop.,0.8298958333333317,2.55610303125,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,81.1875,4.266666666666667,16.916666666666664,3.1291,-1.0399708333333335,115,2,27,0,3,37,27,32,0.191,0.723,0.087,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,13,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379253947299847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584711406147171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581134762152742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191090935816156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889957262136401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23209744063896035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33581804762536005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410565838364687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895119504125857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906990197673743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xtainix,2019/09/13,"Please love me, but fuck off. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2011 at UAB's psychiatric ward.  At the time, I was hospitalized for my latest suicide attempt.  Since that time, I have not attempted again.  I frequently think about it, but have not yet developed a plan, etc.  That time was my 3rd hospitalization and the last until now.  That sentence is confusing.  I am not currently hospitalized...obviously.  I'm typing this.  

​

Last Friday, September 6th, I was also diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (Aspergers).  I had been working with my psychologist for weeks doing testing and giving my full background, etc.  I have been with the same therapist for 2 years now and back on medication for 1 year after I said I would never take them again.  This is the single most stable time in my psychological health I've had in my entire life.  

​

When I was younger, I would get so restless and fed up with the constant need to up and down on the medication and switch out and add and subtract.  I never opened up to any of my therapists.  I was living a total lie in every sense of the word.  I didn't know who the fuck I was.  I still don't.  I'm 33.  I guess that's normal though.  It doesn't feel normal when in my head, I'm 63 with 50 years of life experience.  Heh.  

​

Among the Autism and BPD diagnoses, I have OCD and severe anxiety and depression.  I realize that most people in my experience, do not like labels.  However, to me, labels help me to understand.  If I have a word or label, I can research that and gain insight into myself and others based on that research.  It's how I learn and understand things.  Labels don't define me, but help me better learn to understand myself.  

​

I am a lesbian.  I'm gender queer.  I hate the top half of my body.  I'm confused by society's 'gender norms' and how they have impacted me. 

​

 I'm married.  We've been together 7 1/2 years, married 4 1/2.  Crazy, right?  What BPD person has a stable relationship???!?!?  Well, not me for 29 years of my life.  It has been a process, but over the past almost 8 years with the help of my wife, my life along with all the baggage has become much more stabilized.  It wasn't like that in the beginning though.  I did everything in my power and pulled out every trick in the book to push her away and test her devotion to me.  At the time we met, she lived in a different state, so when she would leave, I became a basket case fearing she wouldn't return.  Sometimes I still test her, but I don't realize I""m doing it.  She normally calls me out on it and tells me what I'm doing.  At first I deny it and then realize that is indeed what is happening.  It's fucking nuts to want love and affection so damn bad, but literally push it away and deny it as hard as you can all while feeling like the worst person on the planet.  Constant guilt.  Constant want for love.  Constant need for independence.  She tells me I'm like a cat.  I tempt her to pet me, but then I hiss and scratch and bite when she tries to get close.  Figuratively speaking only...  

​

Fact is, I don't know how to be loved and let someone love me because I was never given that as a child.  My mother 'loved' me, but it was out of obligation.  It was her 'job' because I was her child.  She didn't support and love me unconditionally.  I came out at 19 and the family I had known all my life completely changed over night.  And since that time they have never come around.  Mom's dead now.  She died of cervical cancer in November of 2015.  I never got an apology for anything she ever did to me, the guilt that was placed on me or the conditional love that I was given.  And now, I'll never get it at all.  

​

Anyway, I just wanted a bunch of strangers to know a small piece of my story.  I don't know why.  I guess it feels better to get it out.  Thanks for reading if you did.",2.80060924369748,4.847315585978841,4.198263305322129,84.76487394957984,76.34126984126979,7.4100217864923765,24.212885154061624,8.313332769828598,1.5247436041083104,2997,99,599,56,68,990,317,756,0.147,0.737,0.115,-0.9786,5,0,0,0,0,1,141.0,1,2,3,10,31,34,6,6,34,1,61,28,2,5,13,128,117,60,3,14,18,3,5,4,0,4,12,2,1,4,37,51,1,0,19,2,0,5,21,15,1,2,33,7,99,19,91,78,17,107,0,1,0,13,49,48,5,11,57,422,136,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383569757084558,0.0,0.0,0.03500793649121608,0.0,0.3320216479812633,0.37235145310972695,0.029769423587242588,0.0,0.033488792914858116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036024211426730665,0.03897023842726754,0.0,0.0,0.08225865595576888,0.03366131600886062,0.036551429152618393,0.05337132123143702,0.048347546440105416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743325978399547,0.0,0.048625663417979616,0.16540436570997755,0.0,0.04470055449461557,0.05006848970176764,0.0,0.0,0.04630958065796178,0.0377094549164599,0.045898676928737066,0.1892267582401168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03770451172254277,0.13329624114109867,0.045432946669976056,0.04573697523843028,0.05017149717491278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764441854888213,0.0,0.039598220713938384,0.0737669368498181,0.0,0.03934336652231575,0.08564335339701512,0.04126845292889776,0.04926057163394002,0.06640392356301966,0.03127383784315073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03723614649076522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214116085933152,0.0914853579119864,0.04199427011657328,0.0,0.0,0.03501195135345209,0.0,0.09644918418856624,0.0,0.03871128749493512,0.0,0.03921501688711723,0.04322008901411288,0.04492717126628716,0.04653221990356105,0.0,0.0,0.08802710702340062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043441279041162115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623336276592856,0.07136714662874201,0.0,0.04635284074531624,0.0,0.0447642904782109,0.15460267614547868,0.08554766626141314,0.0,0.07731064965026048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160789672021117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820014737052591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127033967069702,0.0,0.0,0.03218065901262309,0.06491922733930107,0.2025781492391992,0.0,0.0,0.04108114510011194,0.12867460436026093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03329389176986003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04178948569410158,0.03034901365202417,0.07644765195688275,0.04573697523843028,0.04805329366325813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378820302144885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699942405588919,0.0,0.03738476927613907,0.04164133973307426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945482242047999,0.0,0.07242450896760011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709156481777268,0.0,0.04329593595451013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991970972646727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788422884015323,0.04967689060295312,0.0,0.0,0.03291437206649658,0.0,0.07652493023491833,0.04030338754248202,0.0,0.10165544795878978,0.0290830660887998,0.028050121644717502,0.08602009602781081,0.0,0.153158073153511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029721272519984517,0.0,0.0,0.13671819297306864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746128784122283,0.0,0.0351147526493527,0.0,0.03936020183844972,0.0,0.03950135278050885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031869708918751155,0.0,0.0,0.09329240299536767,0.0,0.37235145310972695,0.16914322999890447
bpd,Thorn_in_a_Hedgemaze,2019/09/13,"How to deal with having done something disgusting during a drunk episode? I emberassed myself in front of an old school bully by verbally attacking him eventhough he could have easily beaten me to a pulp (he was hold back) and basically harassed his girlfriend while everyone told me to fuck off and leave (I did not). At the end I was even crying. I was very drunk but alcohol and mental illness are no excuse. 

How can I deal with this? It happened 2 months ago and it is still replaying in my head all day. I feel disgusting and pathetic. Is this even a symptom of my illness?",5.0129090909090905,6.4755020636363625,5.648863636363636,79.05329545454545,69.27272727272727,9.136363636363637,31.022727272727273,9.516144504307137,2.9560000000000004,457,19,83,10,8,148,80,110,0.311,0.664,0.025,-0.9863,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,6,0,5,0,12,8,1,2,1,15,16,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,1,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,1,13,0,12,9,1,13,0,0,0,1,9,4,1,0,8,62,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198959629848276,0.2073514765245903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207290615265547,0.0,0.14919163562043833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549114997727717,0.0,0.2131250476640181,0.1251287209286189,0.40005818569823776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855279245992535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184670247085368,0.0,0.0,0.2563005943127129,0.0,0.0,0.18539719790439246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810380918533396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937104681802646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157381181478884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991234734629087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054422389376304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955294509374901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548672296028482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035943978952216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963615356091174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493683093627483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549469404798682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166408562779653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539719790439246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008921419555702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Crickym8,2019/09/13,"Relationship tips? So I had a really bad breakup about a year ago, and I’ve sworn off dating till I turn 18 because I genuinely fear my bpd, and the type of person it can turn me into.
I’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with my relationship ending, but when I say it severely fucked me up (even though it was only 3 months) I mean it.
Anyways just recently like last night I kissed this guy I’ve been talking too it was all very unexpected but there was tension between us.
It was a long kiss, but I’m not sure if it actually meant anything or if I’m reading to far into it?  I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that emotions are complicated and not everything is so black and white. But I feel like my mind has already caught feelings and I really don’t know him as well as I want to, but for some reason I feel myself getting attached already.

I’ve always had trouble taking these things slow but I really am curious where this could go and I really don’t want to mess it up.  Any tips?",2.900344202898552,4.2102421594202895,4.618910024154591,84.99039402173916,74.26570048309179,7.880314009661838,25.01479468599034,8.472884824447931,1.5251548309178746,785,25,167,14,16,266,126,207,0.127,0.769,0.10400000000000001,-0.7872,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,12,12,1,2,5,0,16,3,0,1,3,39,36,22,0,5,12,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,14,12,0,0,7,1,0,4,4,6,1,0,10,6,20,6,22,25,4,26,0,0,2,3,8,7,1,4,17,107,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.12376060275718072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124206187766279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799038749069188,0.0,0.10552659645870678,0.0,0.0,0.08624374448411154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436422715487134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058916074451112,0.07730990453298599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597286760921254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184929503199379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125755879935207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265840071906385,0.11232721654261403,0.0,0.0,0.08376515796760099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139800117241584,0.0,0.0,0.1427107293726512,0.1923760129156737,0.09060211972455114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724548756366787,0.06625959525783405,0.0,0.07207622923378952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557435313736698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969840652867262,0.10337737881238324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391827219360602,0.0,0.0,0.11223404598035687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381470348523174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280547138496645,0.0,0.10122862170081093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901445692240685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645433295900227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073663792074748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268569605230315,0.0,0.3249833239738483,0.13039479673076393,0.12522205751158758,0.2723201077305079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085445402589584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432734851529603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119528837801448,0.0,0.0953548423952149,0.10193523449002384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425532705483284,0.0,0.12460260039264695,0.0,0.07395130156517837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610424805318226,0.2758932296854913,0.0,0.0,0.1525520212801398,0.0,0.0,0.10464196036657253,0.14960655847457133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402878461016044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166962244830624
bpd,mnbell2013,2019/09/13,"He ALWAYS texts first thing in the morning...until today, the day I was going to confirm our plans for tonight I've been talking to a guy for over a month now, almost daily, and last night we were texting like usual. He'd take awhile (like 15-20 minutes when it's usually around 5) to respond, and I tried to shut down my fears that it was because he's talking to some other girl at the same time. It's definitely possible, likely even, but whatever. We were supposed to meet today and I like to confirm plans the day before. He often falls asleep texting me at night, no big deal, and he did last night.

Almost every time he's fallen asleep and left a text unanswered, he's gotten back to me first thing in the morning, usually before 7:30am. I was definitely expecting him to today, but it's now 8:05 and I haven't heard anything. He's *always* gotten back to me earlier than this when he's fallen asleep! I'd normally find it strange, but today I'm really worked up about it because I was going to confirm our plans for today. When we last discussed the plans on Tuesday, he sounded excited about it. And he's always responded to me, whether he's needed to reschedule or not. So why is he dodging my text today?? I KNOW he's seen it by now because he starts work at 9. Why not today?? He almost always sends me a good morning text. Why not today?

There's only one possible ""positive"" scenario I can think of that might explain his silence, and it's the possibility that he overslept (he's told me he tends to do this) and either hasn't woken up yet or is awake and had to rush to get ready for work. If this is the case, I get it, but I doubt it. Of course, I've got a whole string of ""negative"" scenarios swimming around in my mind right now:

1. He's realized the intensity of his feelings for someone else and isn't sure how to break it to me.
2. He's ignoring my text because he genuinely does not care.
3. It was a fluke and he actually didn't even receive my text/his phone didn't alert him to the notification so he isn't aware that I even sent it (highly unlikely).
4. He doesn't want to see me today and is putting off texting me because he knows I'll bring it up.
5. He's beginning to lose interest and this is the first sign. Basically, it's all downhill from here.

The thing that scares me the most is all the ""what if"" statements. What if #3 is correct and his phone shows that he was the last one to send a text, so he thinks I'm ignoring him? What if I just never hear from him again? What if he is like every other guy I've dated and goes silent on me, just to send a ""I'm sorry but it isn't going to work out"" text hours later? I know that if that's the case he isn't worth being with, but I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY. And now I'm left alone with these thoughts and I don't know what to do...I knew if I let him ""in"", he'd just end up hurting me, but was hoping I'd be proven wrong.",2.2444280654410527,3.6506477818181833,3.950925957159722,88.72765053128694,76.14049586776859,6.8561308821049085,23.9171867093945,7.523968598718282,0.9529453533479516,2248,70,493,29,49,755,243,605,0.094,0.843,0.063,-0.9327,0,1,0,1,0,0,91.0,5,0,0,12,29,20,0,3,24,0,38,3,3,1,5,88,76,42,0,12,25,0,1,6,0,1,0,3,0,4,41,26,0,2,13,2,1,15,17,8,0,5,24,6,48,12,61,46,7,89,0,2,2,0,67,25,0,18,54,289,89,4,0.0,0.0,0.06024608925722435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546108675003706,0.063940576577536,0.0,0.0,0.205479437159366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080402328655277,0.10991745951570396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949433847204892,0.0,0.1881705205532997,0.0,0.10506672674697796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294465477942775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796300961599022,0.06364780116085356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054026180400045226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051573070153581466,0.0,0.054680369706338126,0.0,0.0,0.12232947491689836,0.0,0.10403162287447024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947092328418286,0.031215917900804295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564262025704371,0.15753955285871554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450972928571029,0.0,0.1052591255133759,0.051781793981760436,0.0493764588153779,0.0,0.0,0.18338704367112668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695817197018715,0.0,0.0,0.06522818680240923,0.0,0.06131844839661565,0.06079818904922981,0.0,0.06609038754316866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571544828530938,0.20129452030314626,0.0,0.0,0.13415415623052646,0.06312993305867437,0.0,0.18096852602983585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906754778644271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549285609574403,0.062336442684686175,0.0,0.0492776250479194,0.0,0.0,0.045776962310458365,0.04761512976824588,0.0,0.0,0.17380706222113285,0.060488833642734885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836687375860422,0.04695352336070397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879647514595465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062062410241112975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910018983041002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272278319624942,0.0,0.0,0.06180918180675701,0.0,0.049196136965790255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523092844535812,0.0,0.0,0.06910915329784935,0.04369753637969977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818608564089681,0.0,0.046418296437372185,0.09924320177384968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304531105350255,0.07911673714925205,0.0,0.04901202396128799,0.07199830342657491,0.0,0.526672343676974,0.058992038707584266,0.0,0.041915149878641186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398267653196736,0.0,0.03641389050524086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671232402069073,0.06892679298486723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797801389587095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749936261614302,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElleTwelve,2019/09/13,"A real yikes of a diagnosis story Putting it mildly; I’ve had a rough year. 
Inpatient admissions, long term relationship breakdowns, heartbreak upon heartbreak. 

Turns out, I was diagnosed back in Feb with BPD on top of my CPTSD, BEDONS, and major depressive disorder. But a nurse registrar let slip while doing my psych triage today. They didn’t tell me before because I would ‘just fall into a webmd spiral’. 

I feel like I’ve been fighting a dragon in the dark with a wood sword; I’m ill equipped and flailing. Please tell me it improves once treatment starts?",6.542773109243697,7.993924313725492,6.2889355742296935,75.92735294117648,65.66666666666667,8.965826330532213,32.21848739495798,9.23628265651192,2.995460504201681,448,18,74,8,7,140,81,102,0.171,0.74,0.08900000000000001,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,8,0,7,2,0,0,0,11,11,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,2,8,1,10,5,2,16,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,0,8,41,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564919036160966,0.0,0.13132160590794711,0.0,0.1833115416183964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713213317320606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554597919389065,0.21865271515683546,0.0,0.0,0.2468967013668281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892578860308544,0.1539002787904827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028753934860015,0.0,0.10524619454716276,0.0,0.0,0.19064510873116167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294215121914037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647290520168854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165624922388477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452017935734144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312867548099029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247953384860016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765833971718789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041985280029609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432147666131295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303235142880114,0.0,0.0,0.13872719205378464
bpd,baguette-about-it,2019/09/13,"After a stressful/depressive period and things get better, DAE basically forget their intense negative emotions/experiences? I just recently discovered this about myself. My friend was the one to point it out. The past couple of weeks I've been a mess, but now things are going good and I'm quite content with life. But he asked about things I said and did when I was depressed, but until he brought them up I honestly forgot they happened. I was just so surprised. The main thing I've learned is that I really can't trust my perception of reality and self now. My emotions can change so drastically based on my perceived feelings I get from those around me. I was honestly so intensely sad and upset for quite a while, questioning all my relationships and their genuineness. But as soon as I get positive feedback, everything is fine and dandy and I've completely blocked out all those nights I got drunk and sobbed or engaged in self-destructive behavior. Even recalling the depressive emotions I felt just a few days ago feel so foggy.

It's just scary to realize my perception is this unreliable. DAE?",5.753339552238806,7.937656756218907,5.982011815920397,74.54973414179108,68.50248756218906,10.398134328358212,32.96050995024876,10.550175099000144,4.013758457711443,892,41,151,27,16,284,128,201,0.188,0.6759999999999999,0.136,-0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,4,3,16,15,0,1,8,0,12,2,0,0,2,36,26,23,0,0,9,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,11,13,1,2,9,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,11,4,23,9,19,15,4,23,0,4,0,0,12,7,1,2,14,107,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130149311017226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181770596481813,0.12792807704294326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102494689465428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447598759364626,0.0,0.143475425245714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151412217287711,0.0,0.08825127220640744,0.0,0.35358345044278483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078559289255457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038234127022847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298407318257658,0.13385697987747872,0.0,0.0,0.13838207414969572,0.0,0.13138903955003714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572319418846148,0.0,0.2144816829452086,0.0,0.07777002403074625,0.11477593061909633,0.10944443163183376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100824700825925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665500702138996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284162236739581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272715834783128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306304371271968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935919253659262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329349422945612,0.2910949826321379,0.0,0.0,0.08766399541053363,0.0,0.13511420513228248,0.1469162687018631,0.0,0.0,0.13016734524352808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855104919237898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636449286778664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976577988481392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NotSchofield,2019/09/13,"I Currently Have 10/6 Anxiety It's so fucking shit. It feels like there is something in my stomach. I hate it. I'm thinking of having a glass of whiskey with apple juice that would help, but I don't want to rely on drinking. Last week I was free from anxiety or depression. Even this week the maximum was 10/3 anxiety. Today this bitch is striking me again. I hate anxiety and I came to realize that anxiety cannot be removed, because it is life. Anxiety is life and cannot be removed whatsoever.",2.1104311152764765,4.727043567010308,4.028472352389876,81.88660731021558,82.40206185567008,8.063355201499531,30.467666354264306,8.841846274778883,3.1407402061855687,394,21,73,11,11,133,67,97,0.298,0.629,0.07200000000000001,-0.9723,1,0,3,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,5,0,2,0,14,7,2,0,0,11,22,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,4,2,0,3,2,1,3,3,6,0,0,3,1,8,3,8,16,0,11,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,1,7,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7245209196225079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962228340049464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053635781509544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595447476307884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463120102406233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425728681472572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981282290257381,0.1127668282533196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592817253905985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116849540111726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580236116344777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866739936389646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229857878759707,0.07711668645495208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620289702187122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151930206812088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114279116809248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962169346190007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931029932652924,0.0,0.2532327053063994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213087478721613,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DeafeningLight,2019/09/13,"Partner/FP doesn’t get how he’s hurting me right now I asked my partner to come with me to stay at my mums so I could get my hair done early tomorrow morning. We would hang out all afternoon with cats and stuff, eat, and then sleep. He’d get a lie in and get to watch stuff whilst I’m getting my hair done, then we go home.
He said he didn’t want to come, because he didn’t want to do anything.
Now, instead, he wants to travel for around 2 hours to hang out with his sister instead. She didn’t contact him, it was all his idea.
So his excuse of not wanting to do anything is a lie. He just doesn’t want to do anything with me, but is more than happy to make extra effort to go and see his sister instead.
And is now guilting me for pointing out how that has upset me and is triggering my rejection and abandonment issues. Even though he is choosing someone else over me, and not putting in less effort to spend time with me instead.",3.1974889543446277,4.1589354793814435,4.047275405007365,90.72670103092787,73.0721649484536,6.573784977908691,26.743740795287188,6.5431188927421005,0.9319658321060388,729,25,159,5,14,234,104,194,0.075,0.873,0.052000000000000005,-0.8123,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,2,15,6,0,2,2,0,20,4,3,4,2,41,39,16,0,7,4,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,4,21,1,1,2,1,1,8,7,5,0,0,7,5,23,1,29,29,5,30,0,3,2,0,24,10,0,0,11,109,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297026131489506,0.11888846357900525,0.12485190398056467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141128507886314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300842560040776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662939031681927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733375280306344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665573716859025,0.11156449757166287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820899723225901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488737200835649,0.0,0.1517999144096186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216723482892235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396227066501395,0.0,0.13152056672882145,0.0,0.14296881800157984,0.15076251765986887,0.0,0.13939226394136736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914614892350653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624860670860014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342553700219331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405159321236967,0.1270373264838069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642264047322676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336471781554704,0.0,0.11315709964557373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234730806735327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057672668982135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121291357700826,0.0,0.07787450430891357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938584019478452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487060641941902,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MePideMePerdona,2019/09/13,"DAE get tantrums when things dont go your way? So... It's been raining here. I was supposed to see my boyfriend but roads are closed. I also had to go to de doctor to tell him I'm 99% sure I have BPD. My boyfriend told me he cant come to see me and we cant go to the doctor. I feel so frustrated and angry. And I don't know why I'm angry with him. I just don't want to talk with him, or interact with him. I really need to go to the doctor, I think I'm going crazy, I've been crying twice a day for 5 days. I just want to cry and shout of anger. I just want things to go my way once, at least for my f mental health. I don't know why it's so difficult and I don't know why I'm angry with my bf. I just want to be a normal person and take my f meds...",-0.8640042372881354,0.2936555197740134,1.9910416666666684,100.49130826271187,84.19774011299435,5.3289548022598865,15.582274011299436,5.985473137389443,-0.9393048022598872,565,8,159,4,16,199,88,177,0.267,0.7170000000000001,0.016,-0.993,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,0,0,10,5,3,0,4,0,14,4,0,0,1,31,40,13,0,6,6,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,4,13,0,0,5,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,5,4,27,1,20,34,1,15,0,0,2,0,13,3,0,1,3,89,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825918840469493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475061145381228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584172638123036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26993410861267225,0.1584821217211301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772883144955223,0.0,0.0,0.1440028623744579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062126823135537274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419456500671168,0.0,0.41897951519166016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306051890130664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257860939348654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648100122351906,0.0,0.12382417886784942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110663508859132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038662714769315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308526648665375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072854470958701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871374340484619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958231508641025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580363143728288,0.0,0.0923830368269664,0.09875834604001082,0.10739389823070053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632588925041383,0.07873020988124987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740766255335475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898879145293537,0.1950571599424776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326135088888391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,charlottekathryn,2019/09/13,"I was just diagnosed yesterday and have to tell my employer. Best way to describe BPD and how it affects us? I'm so very new to BPD and have tried to do as much research as possible. For 11 years I've been suffering with what I thought was MDD but was told yesterday of a misdiagnosis, and I have this personality disorder. I have to update my employer today but not sure of the easiest way to explain it to somebody who has never heard of it. Any tips or ideas?",4.805483870967745,5.367173795698927,6.568978494623661,75.57346774193552,69.10752688172043,10.931182795698923,33.77956989247312,10.864195022040775,3.774234408602151,365,17,74,11,6,127,63,93,0.08800000000000001,0.846,0.066,-0.2739,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,2,2,17,15,11,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,1,7,2,14,8,2,9,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,53,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534324106244636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088635577118354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013278781489967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200531421787296,0.0,0.0,0.2280989088252961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467403047469128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463056440286709,0.0,0.15349968738961814,0.1922187560782636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378020365655233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436981563741112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875778980289492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395587203290516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800293715480795,0.0,0.0,0.18865161487922974,0.19017609621489076,0.0,0.13512432780454514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394015370527555,0.0,0.0,0.164215760248549,0.0,0.31595219945517955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281650218762989
bpd,gay-commie,2019/09/13,"Hospital clinic thinks my health issues are all because of my mental health and I’m devastated Posting this here because I feel like y’all would understand but it’s not just BPD that’s being cited against me, anxiety and other mental problems too. This is gonna be long, but I’d appreciate some support

I’ve been experiencing some concerning health issues since late last year. Tremors, heat intolerance, constant need to urinate (VERY severe), bone and muscle pain, chest pain, loss of balance and vision etc. The urination thing is probably the worst in its effects, but it all has made my quality of life terrible. I’m 19 for reference - hence why it’s sp scary and frustrating to live like a damn 80 year old.

I’ve had severe mental health issues when I was young. It was very hard to deal with, especially as I was a *complex case* and got passed around from psychiatrist to psychiatrist without any real help. I pulled myself out, no meds, and I have a normal life now. I’m doing pretty damn well by anyone’s standards, and although I still struggle with everything I always did, I can control it really well and it’s not as severe. I can even self soothe when feeling ultra intense BPD emotions, and I haven’t self harmed for months! This is all without the help of meds, and I haven’t needed to see mental health professionals much this year because I can actually handle life.

So when I went to my GP this morning to follow up the hospital clinic tests (as they’d ghosted me for a few months), I really wasn’t prepared for what I heard. She read me a letter they’d sent, in which they said that the cause was more than likely “an anxiety disorder caused by the discontinuation of anti-psychotics...and testosterone prescription (I’m transgender)”

I’m crushed. Number one - I stopped antipsychotics when I was 14, *five years ago*. How the fuck are you going to blame my symptoms on that? Number two - I wasn’t sure if they were trying to imply I shouldn’t have gotten HRT or that it was causing it, but I’ve spoken to my transition doctor. Testosterone *cannot* cause 99% of my symptoms (the 1% being heat intolerance). 

But most of all, it really fucking hurt that they aren’t taking me seriously/won’t treat me because of my mental health. Especially because it’s better now. I’ve thrived this year, I really do have great mental healtn (or at least great control of it). I still get symptoms, but it’s under control perfectly - not to mention I can tell what physical stuff is caused by anxiety, since I have to live with anxiety every goddamn day.

I ended up crying. Which most certainly didn’t help my case. But I think they’d never believe me even if I didn’t cry. I don’t want to live this way - especially because it feels like I get worse over time (I didn’t have vision loss when I started to get tremors/fall over last year). But there’s nothing I can do, because it seems like they’ll never take me seriously. Makes me want to shrivel up and die.

My GP said not to let what people think of me affect me. But when it stops me from getting the right treatment - or ANY treatment - how am I supposed to accept the fact that these doctors are allowing my health and quality of life to deteriorate over their own prejudices?

The worst part about being mentally fucking healthy is I can’t even rely on the bad habits they think I have.",5.2128923611111135,6.5018474906250034,5.794479166666669,78.85038194444445,68.625,8.626388888888886,29.690972222222207,8.96741613852259,2.436893055555556,2654,99,488,47,45,859,294,640,0.19699999999999998,0.679,0.12300000000000001,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,0,0,87.0,0,2,9,8,24,36,7,1,18,0,56,27,4,15,10,92,98,40,2,10,21,0,4,5,0,4,20,3,0,2,38,18,0,5,13,1,0,6,21,20,2,3,23,9,69,16,63,63,17,57,0,3,1,3,25,15,5,10,39,317,107,5,0.0,0.0,0.04901915793738499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452761173151551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041797024118839836,0.0,0.0,0.06831892601998255,0.0,0.1537092822065372,0.0,0.0,0.03512336228271765,0.0,0.0,0.04471710425113037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041941597842567936,0.2143466042665747,0.0,0.0,0.05659423016453743,0.0,0.04442609655478789,0.0,0.0,0.12653081879136233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580103577792373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428291573786023,0.16901828136407868,0.0,0.0,0.1103549235172878,0.032395465899583906,0.051786956729262375,0.0,0.0,0.05213285560131012,0.0,0.057570191000834874,0.10282910226772574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650420667118807,0.04449061693059479,0.0,0.05602192621865265,0.09953322987897928,0.0,0.04232260230529921,0.0,0.04514525682598405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761963819696303,0.0717714606635099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931594411200493,0.10497652701913722,0.0,0.02854798688460088,0.0,0.04017509622451645,0.11076185137985656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499797971787812,0.0,0.0,0.3737596557545549,0.0,0.0,0.10100829454860527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377436419631306,0.0,0.0,0.1572873820761851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189152195872075,0.05666385157424165,0.0,0.0,0.05136559397187125,0.14192130745320378,0.1227040193054044,0.0,0.13306725284420004,0.04445371389033279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475307057999471,0.03353023089872946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159279224839126,0.0,0.3543540866749766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018936049740498,0.0,0.0369262786683557,0.07449274046019501,0.077483985934866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921666661418807,0.0481989312237069,0.0,0.052710003949640524,0.0,0.034038483764819716,0.0,0.10690071815569116,0.0,0.0,0.054396329845321854,0.0,0.0348245241026538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810834310363584,0.0511039735292151,0.054158561011840745,0.04806521255579993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502455647823216,0.057174980514605435,0.1287195483052552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042897829025235014,0.0955642154192066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040028377568858006,0.04572930008833979,0.1048058024983239,0.17024348881199322,0.0,0.08310481148031768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355544478269064,0.0,0.08023063433092878,0.08399235448698175,0.0,0.052513362930407176,0.0575035892417957,0.0,0.05700264575260928,0.04734303847692997,0.15663075496918594,0.07553638193951491,0.0,0.04390495697777103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033371889696353664,0.12874647571733314,0.0,0.0,0.02929066641838358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03410421119780642,0.0,0.04906933696675335,0.052293253646310295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289327407609094,0.059256236273527135,0.039871800710147384,0.0,0.0,0.09032914962737114,0.04656554064536597,0.0453265410126603,0.0,0.0,0.0968436555974241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119067018951698,0.03568335118407805,0.0,0.0,0.19408645557430493
bpd,RagingFyah,2019/09/13,Friday the 13th. my 21st Birthday And no reason to enjoy it.,0.017500000000001847,2.2973990833333358,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,99.83333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.970966666666667,47,1,8,0,2,16,12,12,0.14300000000000002,0.649,0.20800000000000002,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thanuiya_druitt,2019/09/13,Being replaced Does anyone else have a friend with schizoid personality disorder? I have not been able to reach my best friend for weeks now and I know she knows as in sees my missed calls and messages. We've been over this so many times and been OK. She is the one person with the ability to superglue me together every time there's a need to. But I don't have that need right now. Talking to her always helps me calm down and think rationally. I can try do that on my own but I still can't afford to lose her. My fear is she might have replaced me. She does that to people sometimes even people uber close to her so IDK. Any input will help. Anything you can think of.,1.7130252100840335,3.981103411764707,2.601512605042018,93.71323529411768,81.05882352941177,5.650420168067227,19.27310924369748,6.868970318607317,0.07761092436974781,528,13,115,6,14,166,90,136,0.079,0.772,0.149,0.7122,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,7,8,0,1,4,1,17,0,0,0,0,17,25,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,20,5,16,19,2,12,0,2,1,0,17,6,0,1,6,78,24,0,0.1618746481963998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469267480710334,0.0,0.0,0.11008031169176316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131865177919629,0.16585970653811208,0.1332090428517363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987745640996713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529211447918749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552237099490226,0.0,0.2833151909813474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522549726691513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691667845755508,0.0,0.1363863727017956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215398305200495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250127903298224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700232902981514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792414652193056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810963254003514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411548604046355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717234208978439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400560010628217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969045096670364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244469982807512,0.2826853980176967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824006509167427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899313663117784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009816619027611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292733031516523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010871051757286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744547670487035,0.0,0.0,0.18878081824951665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990226039437992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984607865489242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rando37924,2019/09/13,"Is this an odd case? My S/O was Diagnosed with BPD at a very young age. They also has PTSD, Chronic Depression, Psychosis, and Sociopathic Tendencies. 

I hear all the stories about people with BPD cheating and how you should manage how much time you spend with them, but do you really have to?

I spend everyday with my s/o and we never seem to have a problem. They do split alot but it splits into different emotions and I usually just talk to them like I would just talk to them normally and understand their feelings and just calm them down. Is this a weird case cause I never see people explain it like this? 

Sorry if it's an offensive question, I just wanna know if its normal.",3.731136363636363,5.6538922651515175,4.644545454545458,83.13681818181819,73.31818181818181,8.133333333333335,26.393939393939394,8.841846274778883,2.0839757575757583,537,19,102,11,11,174,84,132,0.133,0.799,0.069,-0.7792,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,3,7,0,8,8,2,0,7,0,10,2,0,3,3,39,17,13,0,8,8,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,12,0,0,6,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,19,3,13,14,3,10,0,1,1,0,16,3,0,5,9,77,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319985174737461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157748831779057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956221004344782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216603856945126,0.16753254622574662,0.0,0.1724526930263668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567041731162195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345935563266585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603475023815774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071272466889774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128007320109658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133817947425203,0.0,0.25460907870475763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234477419396403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288638069177732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794024196003353,0.1929464460741694,0.0,0.18490510898442575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574173879246193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153154438157455,0.15026453304935702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477128947116495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265338142459515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624788272640024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183340496387822,0.0,0.0,0.18179040148344602,0.13619188461133072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172539726817056,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StudentOfInstitutes,2019/09/13,"How tf does one keep a job with this BPD shit I’m just going to bitch and moan because it’s about all I can do now...

I can’t specifically attribute my difficulty in the work world with my BPD I don’t think... I’m really not sure. I know at least a couple of other girls from the hospital who had BPD and I don’t believe they struggled the way I do in certain social environments, I mean even in the hospital it felt like I took much longer to get out of my shell than others, but of course that was during a very difficult time, after an attempt.

I’m naturally quite extroverted. I was a fairly happy and popular little kid. But over the years I’ve come so much more into myself, my social anxiety through the roof. My social life has suffered. I’m 26 and frankly I don’t have any of those wonderful youthful years to look back on. I’ve been pretty lonely and sad for many years now.

It’s funny though, because so many people I know would be pretty shocked to hear these words. People who see me loud and laughing in public, seemingly so open and perhaps even in charge—I have a loud and frankly dominant personality when I’m feeling most comfortable. But I’m rarely invited to parties... it’s so hard to describe where I sit on the social scale... I don’t feel a need to be most cool or popular, at least not anymore, but I just want meaningful relationships again, and really just to be comfortable being myself. I am so very uncomfortable with who I am often, always trying to find ways to just be someone people might like.

And in the office, where I spend a majority of my time, I am struggling. I don’t know why tf I was hired or accepted the job. I’m doing graphic design and media at an uppety NYC hardware design studio and foundry—expensive ass doorknobs essentially. It’s not my first uppety NYC job, being from Queens, but I’ve still yet to reach any level of comfort there. I am so incredibly self conscious, for the first couple of weeks I nearly developed a stutter at times, thinking intensely always of the words coming out of my mouth, so nervous. And although I interviewed fairly well, within days I ruined pretty much every impression of me. Thank you Reddit for allowing me honesty, because these words are so hard to say, I haven’t told anyone I’ve been struggling like this, but really I’m a month in and while I’ve gotten slightly more comfortable than stuttering, I still look and feel like an idiot. Im so in my head at every fucking working moment that I am struggling to perform. And I’m actually pretty smart to be honest in life, again depending on who you’re asking, quite smart.

I know if I quit I’d still have this same struggle at the next job...although perhaps not as much or in the same way. Again I’m at a snobby little rich office, and on paper alone I don’t match up with anyone there. They’re pretty much all white, mostly from well off families, they’re well traveled and educated, they do expensive things, go to places I’ve never been, with people I wouldn’t care for anyway to be honest. I’m not like them in almost anyway...still finishing my bachelors in a public college in fact. 

I feel so small by comparison, and all I’m doing is comparing, and everyone at the office has pretty much stopped giving a shit about me, including my boss, especially him at times. It doesn’t seem anyone is open to reconsidering me, but I also haven’t given anyone anything much to reconsider.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t. I don’t even have insurance at the moment, just coming off of my moms, so Im not seeing a therapist, and it’s such a struggle to find one... 

How do I keep my shit together at a place that’s tearing me down daily? Again though, quitting doesn’t seem to be an option, because I have actually quit other jobs already for this reason. I’ve yet to find comfort in any workplace beyond the cafes I worked at in my youth so many years ago. 

I aspire to work in film, so this job is loosely related to my end goal, at times making and editing video content for the job. If I choose not to stay here with these people I’ll just be with a different group of uppety little wannabe social elites, maintaining some faux image for clients. That’s pretty much the schtick. I know that if I weren’t so inhibited at every moment, and could find some comfort being myself, I could perform. I could make impressions by remaining true myself and being real. But i’m struggling so to get there. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the fuck to do but cry at the moment.",5.6403616703952295,5.872255728187923,6.573601789709174,77.42037285607758,67.2214765100671,9.306785980611483,29.86651752423565,9.150863307647796,2.4345877703206558,3567,119,679,60,54,1190,352,894,0.11699999999999999,0.7140000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.9952,9,3,0,0,0,0,106.0,0,1,3,17,57,55,7,8,40,1,68,10,6,9,8,137,129,63,0,10,28,1,7,5,0,3,2,4,1,4,32,39,0,3,29,3,3,7,26,23,3,4,13,17,77,32,112,98,23,111,0,4,5,3,29,58,7,20,46,458,109,17,0.0,0.0,0.08442317606151559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038343808451486834,0.0,0.043314606730208836,0.04480014072641933,0.047734039720884004,0.03459178444924885,0.07198486621372735,0.0,0.0,0.08824663094609964,0.0,0.03309069948372907,0.0,0.04289830009081279,0.1209823229380612,0.0,0.03559597855589993,0.0,0.04043849383821242,0.0,0.0,0.0332611717331217,0.0,0.10547375394563598,0.0,0.0,0.04873466679445741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343814400599987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410234538117946,0.0,0.0,0.11178356683457884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360911942448876,0.09572381852912297,0.04751465309367205,0.02789652287304567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451932832203745,0.0,0.0,0.03785359179390458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383119513294665,0.0,0.0,0.08571048283589344,0.0,0.10933506376320637,0.04133293406626325,0.0,0.0,0.04077787985671743,0.0,0.08748607470966764,0.030902074386545825,0.04153251568433476,0.0,0.15814069569720735,0.07358701381627537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997889650251776,0.045198919135777456,0.041495068992156235,0.04916673040444867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604678556219703,0.07749770750830627,0.0,0.044393105681845534,0.0,0.048752623161757457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344774306883284,0.0,0.30047413757678065,0.07689578918549994,0.0,0.0,0.19017880373843965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110594321768492,0.1056634126447867,0.13006154033751807,0.0,0.0,0.07264824283450502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057747393175593936,0.13156429616320056,0.0,0.04711843343473387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588774963745455,0.0,0.05066087054212762,0.034526503434536115,0.0,0.2543849267502521,0.032073754465596,0.03336167154729053,0.0,0.0460032159778901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862273096194509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994121958052928,0.037769445491413235,0.090386566440749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30804811377499164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004024866161304,0.0,0.04923476503272383,0.08313264812974444,0.0444743425478675,0.0,0.04644072485072325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034398884374867086,0.0,0.0,0.06893881717162759,0.11813583448717666,0.045125411619098714,0.0,0.13320489814326228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047007584470515,0.036650643929946304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610510978722325,0.1036328231550668,0.036163928701780784,0.0,0.31654372999871805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040768240834842304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982428655267621,0.0,0.05022351638412919,0.028737345130851917,0.05543335934425833,0.08499754393819614,0.0,0.12611452297676065,0.0,0.0,0.04133293406626325,0.0480589754697509,0.029367964970647538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138141255486669,0.02551349246988728,0.10300372934421337,0.034697330844960746,0.0,0.1166769385178879,0.0,0.03903178586889721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690925546620657,0.12596344850595312,0.0,0.0,0.03072780078481107,0.0,0.0,0.11142170870577503
bpd,SuckMaBoaby,2019/09/13,"I hate every woman i meet because of my BPD Hi, 18 f here UK, ive never done this and im really new to reddit so bare with me on any fuck ups. I was diagnosed with BPD fairly recently, and since have noticed a lot about myself. One thing thats really affecting my social life is how i feel about men & women. I'll start by saying i dont actually hate all women, ive had meaningful romantic relationships with women before, I'd love more female friends, but the second a guy comes into the picture, i feel like im competing for his attention. I want every guy i meet from the ages of 20-50 to find me attractive, and i feel like a whore because i flirt with most guys i meet (maybe for validation, i really dont know). I doubt anyone will have any advice, but if anyone sees this id be so so grateful for any input<3  all judgement welcome roast me all you want",4.572788217369227,4.684999067039108,6.379827323514477,78.30589131538855,69.50279329608938,9.637582529202641,27.44591163026917,9.573946990214177,2.287364245810056,679,20,138,14,11,237,114,179,0.071,0.74,0.18899999999999997,0.9613,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,7,12,3,1,6,0,12,5,0,2,4,30,25,10,0,3,3,0,3,2,1,1,2,1,0,8,4,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,3,5,23,7,18,20,6,9,0,0,1,3,20,3,1,4,7,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.11527986312915685,0.0,0.0,0.11543729516479093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799605244832213,0.0,0.2410015830170357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652013852118604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440244312736059,0.0,0.10052169384063164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975664227141666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176032132368833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990156809751305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089012592729105,0.27689982103984945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906273409497524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919337773235788,0.16878715404368425,0.0,0.0,0.10797057517618128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126854706528263,0.10921119853762737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509079768448724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326193154782535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552058222224214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492229825924571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344017720181338,0.1154267282109828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043166457712893,0.10661880865621763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867954601465977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111073781278196,0.11409269286192865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449414882842656,0.0,0.0,0.08004935038959128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703529398084224,0.0,0.11664117117310707,0.12682963740926328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939433664433776,0.0,0.0,0.09413596809056754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772007206919887,0.0,0.0,0.12042077236673995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083614489754272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784817005928805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935471547444545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyysquidd,2019/09/13,"Tantrums/hormonal birth control Does anybody else have really terrible almost toddler like tantrums? I’ve had some my whole life but they’ve gotten extremely worse since starting a new birth control pill (microgestrine) I have them when I get this specific feeling, like when you feel like you’re being hurt emotionally or like things just aren’t going your way. I’m not sure if this is a symptom of my BPD or something different all together or maybe a side effect of my medication, but I can’t really tell because like I said I’ve always had them just not this bad. I’m talking like sobbing on the floor kicking maybe screaming, maybe even self harm or all of the above. Today I had one over my bf accusing me of lying about weather or not I slept with somebody before we dated (stupid, I know, but all couples get into stupid arguments) which I didn’t, but for some reason this accusation sent me into crisis mode and had me convinced he thought I was some kind of lying deceitful whore. I ended up trying to knock myself out with my fists and now I even have bruises on my forehead. I’m mostly just looking to see if this is something entirely different from the BPD I’ve already been diagnosed with or possibly from the new pill and if I should seek out further help or what I should even do from here. I’m really tired of acting like this. I’ll snap out of it and end up hating myself afterward and just all around feeling hopeless for myself..",6.900142857142857,6.951874871428572,6.954285714285718,76.37321428571431,64.57142857142857,10.0,33.92857142857143,9.673873057562805,3.1688571428571435,1164,46,211,21,16,373,157,280,0.226,0.6709999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.9933,3,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,1,2,2,3,13,22,4,0,7,0,18,10,2,4,5,57,38,21,0,5,21,0,3,7,1,2,7,2,0,1,10,15,0,2,7,0,0,3,6,12,0,1,12,7,30,10,29,23,9,31,0,3,2,1,13,14,1,15,20,137,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414850749164488,0.0,0.1147748847044188,0.0,0.08654258856420294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925887437341212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684193485867167,0.06340201886975562,0.0,0.0885027390609318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619876611363052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333065553874678,0.0,0.11508234269914558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055654435265937,0.0,0.21733144319495984,0.0,0.0,0.09101768170467077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688493706224333,0.1169944610455452,0.1842395834231894,0.0,0.0,0.20608795825729784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776798166609768,0.14860598623465876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867927296552586,0.0,0.05910987050814115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268589332246973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971404831627367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113422013660886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830782704105757,0.05715981299701809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346358729089635,0.3556897447727419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734012189273091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313468600403539,0.0,0.0,0.10477663432112012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009022219845805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047818733296607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725285145814104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988964185844804,0.10693705305656433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893496906586488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828805275941354,0.0,0.10850252662683248,0.0,0.0,0.08603609538322332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160140140590049,0.0,0.0,0.07361705802697198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980258567844161,0.1081036371174631,0.0,0.08359730489476827,0.0909071568553033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909797480772567,0.0,0.0,0.0825703531802236,0.0,0.1195413441923764,0.09858696774310896,0.0,0.0,0.07061427889235976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255632827737205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612068183178705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599254855898448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yungdyz,2019/09/13,"DAE ever feel extremely guilty for fuck all? I'm home sick today from classes and I've been beating myself up over being unable to go for several hours in a row. I realized that this is a level of guilt some people don't even feel when committing actual heinous crimes.

Also, what's a good way to stop torturing myself over this? It won't kill me but it sure is fucking annoying.",2.776597744360899,4.916089328947368,4.481127819548874,82.27289473684213,76.76315789473685,8.027067669172935,24.01503759398497,8.841846274778883,1.9766300751879704,303,10,57,7,7,102,63,76,0.22699999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.8465,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,5,1,3,0,6,3,0,0,4,11,12,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,2,4,2,10,9,2,12,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,5,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.2410674804773402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755130549268646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316222718028373,0.22345447864911636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981348239900986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567539855920883,0.0,0.0,0.14039391047397534,0.2071986209176692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477931177732299,0.0,0.24327664139503186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330417482650804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712608016435667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790757100043922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652971335615386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23282462375942076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341573379241361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608240826102225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GrayscaleNovella,2019/09/13,"I just... give up trying make friends at work It sounds so stupid and so petty... but this job is the first step in my career with a company I know I’ll be with for a long time. Everyone there is about the same age (20’s-30’s). I tried to make friends and be friendly and outgoing. 

Two months later I’m the weird girl already. I suck at socializing and making myself likable. 

With my mom’s illness it makes it harder to fake smile which I’m terrible at.

What really broke me today was the fact that some of my “friends” were whispering about going out tonight and no one mentioned it to me. I know most people were invited,  when I left the building they were all grouped together and I ducked my head and walked away. 

There was a guy I started to get that FP fixation on and I got to listen to him invite the girl across from me to go out right in front of me.  He had that moony look in his eyes.

My anxiety got so bad my hands were shaking and I kept dropping my tools. I started to panic in the bathroom.

I will always be that weird freak in the office. 
I can’t fake it, or have normal interactions.

Why do I pretend anything will change?

Every job it’s always the same. And I’m alone. 

I’m so tired of being this crazy emotional 
rollercoater girl. I don’t know how to make friends or have empathy. I feel so fake, I don’t know who I am.

I want to curl up sometimes and just scream because I don’t know how to fix this 

I just want to be normal and not self-destructive and awful.

Why is everyday such a fucking struggle for us? To pick a personality, try to find what fits.

I’m so tired.",1.1961629789530477,3.3655818318042847,2.739475625112433,92.55198731786295,82.36391437308869,5.926569526893326,22.155873358517717,7.1686216300943375,0.655241842057924,1237,41,271,17,34,404,174,327,0.21600000000000005,0.6890000000000001,0.095,-0.9932,2,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,1,2,17,21,3,3,14,1,25,7,3,8,2,51,56,25,0,4,7,1,2,0,5,2,3,4,0,5,17,18,0,1,7,1,0,6,6,16,0,3,10,8,37,5,40,39,5,37,0,1,2,1,23,18,2,4,12,174,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528482623377312,0.11217978327656414,0.0,0.1691716590145505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776646431478469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365412152977797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955090386391365,0.0,0.08487840747435077,0.06196847641731491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753843415097257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143491741982329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564945706951972,0.09713654266117616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051400263617087286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291162592905547,0.08646843332503125,0.0,0.0,0.3926953751140448,0.09397921618213544,0.05311099775584385,0.09751757600665853,0.11554675014809672,0.0,0.16260697555994572,0.0,0.0,0.10065529621359558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432825303457917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017555356463316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793370453234512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044940304957852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996224835054724,0.08536533032037133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392804217443205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905812940302092,0.08114074767674155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920234317675486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688846501662644,0.0,0.0,0.1192712635456632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047538241104889,0.0887619869275182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512335505181423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681355978463592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604924547128806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362536031663844,0.0,0.0,0.10054025736137463,0.0,0.14390509972964527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627278992532216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592763568232866,0.23367694280199364,0.09635788094056603,0.0,0.0,0.2070529939396437,0.0,0.09930301637991458,0.0,0.12227949821201188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991853497570272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345722697148914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400668598756918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwRA-ahaha,2019/09/13,"I think I have BPD but I’m scared to talk about it with anyone Idk if without BPD is the correct flair to put on this post but here goes anyways. I come from a line of personality disorders (my mom having bpd, gradfather having npd ect ect) I’ve been doing some studying and research on it and of coarse I can’t be completley sure until I talk to a doctor but I’ve been scared to talk to my friends or family about it. My family would deny me having it and my friends might leave me or use it as an excuse to not talk to me anymore. 

I talked to my therapist and she said it would make a lot of sense with my obsessivness over one person, inability to be left alone, hard time in making friends, and destructive behavior, often doing radical things just for that someones attention. Idk if its BPD or DPD but if anyone has any info or advice it’d be much appreciated.",3.7370549450549433,5.016700542857143,5.303428571428572,81.01610989010992,72.14285714285714,8.584615384615384,26.032967032967033,9.057496981413335,1.9756549450549443,685,22,138,14,13,232,106,175,0.146,0.745,0.109,-0.631,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,2,5,0,18,1,0,3,2,36,25,18,0,5,14,1,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,2,11,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,3,2,16,4,25,15,3,10,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,11,2,99,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547867234103232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179429768799592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340356503339551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704844344011533,0.15094968013735374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5437915217322918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298159294963523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370970989440805,0.11048216263567973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351429106555666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501847905531303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669391259536436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142939079811253,0.11727818609463757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176755766386403,0.0,0.0,0.14410287911374778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450831760839955,0.0,0.1264191663393532,0.0,0.0,0.07934903709935763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731435987719808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849979327353172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337761722494768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851049422921674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267658627036097,0.0,0.21613549456742587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145803855801056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173309231188532,0.0,0.0,0.4337943382932168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532779251459364,0.0717111880505004,0.06916421886062425,0.0,0.0,0.06294125105785328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932263462056882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405124883898302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335634453526692,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cattivity,2019/09/13,"Idk about my relationship anymore I don't know what to do. 

I thought it was just me that was the problem but when I read other people's experiences I'm slowly realizing that the way my boyfriend reacts to my sensitivities is not really ""good"". 

He just gets mad when I try to talk to him about how he can maybe alter his behavior a little to try and meet me half way.

 He's just taken on this attitude of being like ""don't expect me to change at all and if you dont like it then I guess we just need to break up"" and just sort of gets mad at me when I feel upset or uncomfortable about small things. 

Even when I try to communicate it in a healthy manner, he just constantly says that I *shouldn't* feel that way or that this *shouldn't* be a problem. 

It feels really dismissive and its wearing on my mental health a little. He just wants me to be chill constantly and if I get even a little upset about something he just tells me I'm totally ruining the day.

 I feel like I'm walking a tightrope above the threat of being dumped constantly because that's just what it always goes to when he's unhappy. 

When I make him mad he just stops talking to me and doesn't go back to normal for a couple of days. 

I can't tell if I am the problem. I love him but i don't think the way he treats me is necessarily right. 

I know that I'm difficult but I'd think that if I was with someone that loved me that they wouldn't look at every possible request to change as a huge burden and stressor, I thought that he wanted to make me happy? 

Idk guys. I just feel sick and neglected.",3.749949804796433,4.387222288343558,5.101974344673732,84.87675404350253,71.5153374233129,8.503959843837142,25.86112660345789,8.710501217029153,1.5730601226993857,1230,36,270,21,22,412,151,326,0.201,0.708,0.091,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,1,0,25,22,5,2,14,0,21,5,1,4,2,64,50,26,0,15,21,0,5,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,23,10,0,2,12,1,0,2,10,14,0,1,6,7,40,8,32,37,2,34,0,2,1,2,28,13,0,8,17,173,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126406636566641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685620016862084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509739780845172,0.0,0.059534917485472925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663060232690247,0.0,0.0,0.31661946466578683,0.0,0.0,0.10806308535226863,0.0,0.12597008262240572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446119142128322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901197583631566,0.0,0.08228592429754555,0.0,0.0,0.09553389086173106,0.0,0.0,0.2469086404970744,0.06977100482006965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307584041626374,0.0,0.05550456162142612,0.08191572258207812,0.0,0.0,0.10758763488930152,0.09670247036891573,0.0,0.1039648813610883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381200271814213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734688929238037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431407299211115,0.2936542137684301,0.0,0.0,0.08201295546655395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762907006711604,0.0,0.1303826273020368,0.0,0.09811636701794778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842209249369778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241643552547826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956897421850059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770774947480541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010120751575596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803530661830385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976901824264208,0.0,0.1251318022820904,0.0,0.0,0.1048543213273109,0.0,0.08340431163084609,0.0,0.07766613650275866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827501811790433,0.07518632865402751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165127079181303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699685081454354,0.17072485005051344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648834580022119,0.12515797915769689,0.0,0.15506822183152716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989218328736011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520922406868185,0.31008376575475466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imsuchacliche,2019/09/13,DAE feel like they’re already somewhat dead? I feel like these past few years parts of me have died. The happiness I once could have is dead inside. I have no sex drive anymore. I want to cry but I can’t even make myself do that anymore. I’m kind of scared of who I’ve become. I have nobody to vent to about how I feel so everything just kind of sits inside me but it doesn’t get out.,0.20520749665328,2.243410216867474,1.6548594377510069,99.6238420348059,85.3855421686747,4.6527443105756365,16.451137884872825,5.82211442006289,-0.7658155287817938,300,6,72,2,9,96,57,83,0.183,0.733,0.084,-0.8518,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,2,0,12,16,4,3,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,10,5,9,15,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21234852115476194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816727282083296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125210453727783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363769346840342,0.0,0.21137256298901705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970935510927132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709654287301486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294142097086904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29189136350382777,0.27494047581003395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053542181217116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484264217396725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007672403397997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802070427296574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844684435973894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049289975908178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838022065776565,0.18369381363133905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265348757815892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349871972188035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391699511793287
bpd,grownish42,2019/09/13,"How do you deal with anger/rage? Recently got diagnosed. Any thoughts or feedback would be appreciated. I get toxic with my rage, trying to better that.",3.0527777777777767,6.1663386296296325,4.086944444444448,77.78375000000003,88.62962962962963,7.1444444444444475,25.26851851851852,8.07648339933343,2.3832296296296294,121,5,20,3,4,39,25,27,0.113,0.6920000000000001,0.195,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603779521482349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386345985442463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947422047357891,0.0,0.3886247264822208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004393161041514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30623166644154304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780571343891778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039714498250655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599567993419111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27199367578989675,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deadgurl01,2019/09/13,"is this considered dissociation? or even have anything to do with BPD? anyone relate? i get these random thoughts almost constantly, i’ll be sitting in class and realize my existence and that i’m actually a person and so are the other people in my class. and when i’m eating food with my friends i think “wow i’m eating food like everyone else, i feel human, when my they look at me they’ll know i’m a normal human.” when i see attractive people i think they think differently from me because they’re perfect, like they are the only real humans. i have many more weird thoughts but they’re almost impossible to explain. it’s kind of that feeling when you’re trying to understand the universe and nothing makes sense.",3.641858506457048,6.112769255474454,4.884963503649633,78.80999438517688,75.42335766423358,7.4270634475014035,26.59685569904548,8.384062270229773,2.136592813026389,576,22,100,11,13,190,85,137,0.012,0.8740000000000001,0.114,0.8763,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,1,6,8,0,0,5,0,8,4,0,1,1,27,26,12,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,7,4,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,16,7,10,22,1,9,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,4,7,58,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.14765664362947198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030300326655755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579940590315133,0.0,0.12451516196076375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223711559528006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905695324498078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351225687132787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580866493355862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30965562117751266,0.12640001258889974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993876728974524,0.0,0.0,0.14458310147288556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301367182080464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659290830651897,0.0,0.11690165968968473,0.0,0.07905318191779248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575659851334026,0.08315596841862632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784475631854144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270622144647288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010005386251587,0.1534044978263383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482515838432899,0.14518593771258045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507800342722145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979847722230469,0.13211797549395005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222380141965918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205744066289467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908598385323294,0.0,0.24024633116723776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027294953848689,0.0,0.0,0.15751895060584026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tea_hound,2019/09/13,"I was doing so well for so long and I was almost feeling normal, but I hurt my partner really badly today And it feels like I’ve lost all of the progress I’ve made. I just wish I could start this day over again and take it all back.",1.6608823529411758,2.746331509803923,3.2648529411764717,94.36433823529413,77.0392156862745,5.8843137254901965,18.63235294117647,5.985473137389443,-0.3579058823529411,181,3,43,1,4,60,38,51,0.19699999999999998,0.584,0.21899999999999997,-0.1693,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,14,11,6,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,2,6,2,3,6,2,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620815345475924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125171591568344,0.2185309045611487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089675135921049,0.0,0.0,0.1687921021342393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26467381839881776,0.18697764304717565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801838998631114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786647009849308,0.0,0.0,0.2316199383729091,0.0,0.0,0.2857056658560328,0.0,0.0,0.2476521798687945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256436645905918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766885844118118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525154129679453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967859442847104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480863568263883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235323781063418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009728467790747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,asheristrasher,2019/09/13,"DAE feel everything and nothing at all? it's hard for me to put my emotions into words. it's like... i dont *feel* emotions any stronger than what i think is normal, but instead i overreact to them. for example, if someone looks at me sideways i wont necessarily feel anything physically, but just blankly say to myself 'well, time to jump off a bridge ig'. 

i do have chronic dissociation tho, so that's probably a factor. i just have a low threshold of what i can emotionally handle before ascending to the fourth dimension and letting the monkey brain take over. does that even count as 'feeling emotions intensely?'",3.5234210526315803,6.306211605263157,4.779912280701755,77.71355263157895,77.6842105263158,7.659649122807018,31.429824561403517,8.59863814320734,3.0153298245614035,489,25,84,11,12,161,83,114,0.064,0.902,0.034,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,8,2,1,0,1,16,15,8,0,2,5,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,7,12,2,15,13,1,9,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,1,2,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060106573722662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828432245163782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265104789953733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402497924411195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364205332356864,0.0,0.18270211145846915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7014218100277527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296398323327717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010402774664632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31529100402334315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964696719386102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159408254798452,0.0,0.07616005992237339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309084760051052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527392623214154,0.14958081695169834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807596341669453,0.0,0.0,0.15671267219508025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397011556213113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208523026234098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172100027244046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988812266431822,0.0,0.0,0.09090080839316446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016397929139834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PC2212,2019/09/13,"DAE feel a complete disconnect between their past selves? When I look back on my self before today, I can't believe that was me. Whether it was 10 years ago, 5, 1, even just two weeks ago, I'm just like ""what the fuck? was that me?""

I don't know who I am. I'm always changing and I have no real personality or goals.",0.2976545842217462,2.2578994477611936,2.4085287846481904,94.8423880597015,84.3731343283582,5.0226012793177,20.01918976545842,6.1826913282559595,-0.12391087420042625,241,7,57,2,7,81,53,67,0.099,0.861,0.04,-0.5775,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,5,2,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,13,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,2,9,1,2,10,0,9,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,1,9,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133111961546088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939827599380745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926250977277822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983763817323587,0.26265757420129754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24662053180231944,0.0,0.24443227410745025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398010619590452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787748676188843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155248442679112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281221011141812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389549769227833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957704082945329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254887734235765,0.0,0.20356004430158506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26535287507776395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432053388339879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097989457002015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773404599519625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700275082282344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012801793358546
bpd,colourfulsoul369,2019/09/13,"Looking for very active Dbt forum/group Hi guys
I'm looking for somewhere I can post daily about my skills use and get feedback. I also enjoy providing feedback to others.

I was in a number of active Facebook groups but on the whole Facebook is very negative for me so I just had to get out.

So I'm looking for any website/resource away from Facebook that can be very interactive as a community.

I do visit the dbt sub on here but it isn't active enough for what I'm looking for.

Thanks in advance for your recommendations.",2.0217637540453097,4.671139776699029,3.7963349514563127,83.13262540453073,83.27184466019419,5.375080906148868,26.059061488673137,6.816661863887847,1.3849877022653718,419,18,75,5,12,140,67,103,0.053,0.8009999999999999,0.146,0.7645,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,6,19,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,19,16,2,9,0,0,4,0,6,6,0,0,0,54,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596097009804138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262330337838735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323187636383148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015123745290872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037844357564459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310485221046847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6550856284971746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677949886386916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955229726093636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843849464355676,0.0,0.4827467501145605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177378167983404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FreshReading,2019/09/13,"Suicide is the only reasonable solution available to me Nothing works, and it’s because I’m not the problem. I just have no influence. No amount of “DBT skills” will force anyone to want me.",4.3258333333333345,6.396297694444449,5.151111111111113,79.50500000000002,72.05555555555556,8.133333333333335,34.22222222222222,8.841846274778883,3.264455555555555,151,8,26,3,3,49,31,36,0.213,0.647,0.14,-0.6177,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,5,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762470807043078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408353213165155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379087114053664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004739225960376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780354097393778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062050387768385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432150202491862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302669818915775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876208199691442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,themagnificentvoid,2019/09/13,"How can I stop being such a baby about being left on read? It drives me insane. It feels like a punishment, like a statement of my own worthlessness. Especially when I'm in a group chat with the same person and they've been participating all day, but still ignoring my 1-on-1 text. How can I not interpret that as ""I don't want to communicate with you, you aren't worth my time""? Am I being a baby or am I correctly assuming that this is a passive-aggressive action from someone with a known history of passive aggression and manipulation toward others?",5.896857142857144,6.978083447619048,7.229523809523813,69.9471428571429,66.9047619047619,10.952380952380953,31.190476190476193,10.914260884657429,3.6994761904761897,442,17,78,13,7,151,76,105,0.182,0.763,0.055999999999999994,-0.8973,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,6,6,2,0,8,0,11,0,0,3,2,22,14,8,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,5,2,1,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,11,2,12,10,3,11,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,7,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058262684486786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807821086762839,0.25542543489855746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884664120419363,0.0,0.0,0.34935030949781065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121886550348163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576350576566489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029410436340976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855305503986162,0.2989180305744936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848345955951791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088535443883716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lostinbrainwaves,2019/09/13,"Think I won't be living for much longer. I have a spinal cord injury and 2 blood clotting disorders. I can't have typical bowl movements.. and I have thin blood. 

I have blood in my stool and my stomach really hurts. Worse then usual because most of the time I can't even feel my stomach. I think I may die soon. No one cares. I just need my mom to keep my cat safe. That's all I care about when I'm gone. 

No point anyway. I fucking suck at this existence.",-0.16000000000000014,2.060239666666672,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.83333333333334,4.866666666666667,17.375,6.42735559955562,-0.30833749999999993,352,9,82,4,12,114,68,96,0.215,0.693,0.09300000000000001,-0.8993,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,2,0,9,7,6,0,1,13,20,5,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,1,2,16,3,6,16,3,11,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,2,5,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375466708814229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601054240182316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417634859327904,0.0,0.2586003962548019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903159800674773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408922006322615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085984530400107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24154986543843365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055718909401452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924225665992676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26426419185254435,0.0,0.0,0.16586969974988516,0.16730752379155026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528979709198354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330059511239094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445493128422806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28915910350574275,0.0,0.0,0.13157117964488546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248508090710796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299441319443597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mad_Squid,2019/09/13,You know you're a shitty person when your only friend needs a month break from talking to you just to get away from your shit for a while I fucking hate myself and I'm going to die alone,6.114750000000001,4.622276975000002,6.0749999999999975,87.13000000000002,66.75,8.0,25.0,3.1291,0.4197499999999996,149,2,33,0,2,47,31,40,0.354,0.58,0.066,-0.9312,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,7,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,1,2,0,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183484243536541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887894965490103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31900734684056714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374776278605312,0.28416379134391495,0.16059106574276405,0.0,0.1746886382618751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034697711059241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689255924588309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453442732233152,0.0,0.0,0.2279151143649667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377299642593574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683885199006079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31551663865711416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470568659496307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JasHare15,2019/09/13,Dieting So I struggle with binge eating quite a bit. For the first time in my life I’m changing my diet and I’m concerned about taking it to far the opposite way and hating myself for having food. Anyone have advice? For those wondering what my diet is it’s called intermittent fasting. I only fast for two days of the week and eat low the rest.,2.2703105590062123,4.631776652173915,3.987619047619052,84.03000000000002,79.57971014492753,6.2616977225672885,21.45134575569358,7.447530270364453,0.9816650103519672,275,8,51,4,7,92,53,69,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.7902,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,1,5,0,3,7,0,0,0,5,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,6,0,9,8,2,10,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756918633593608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568075685940347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430741043671556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273486452892563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355322108536565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358963158096585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556492643712282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938439480627686,0.2692270156063296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198189440317397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726296631958808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933394397146828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368137040192243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23276017883575384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167403692962375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982792137682106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749488150034227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767277307320124,0.1785949086036347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414524111403933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsEverythingBecca,2019/09/13,"BPD is under control but I'm lonely and want a friend to love me the same way I love people. I want a close friend. To love me the way I love people. I thought maybe someone like me would be the answer.

I had therapy for years to overcome most of the debilitating struggles of BPD. And I have learned to work with the rest. My therapist was my FP but she suddenly left to another country and cut off contact last year. After a few hospital stays and more therapy I'm stable and living without a FP. I have a new bf but our relationship is healthy so he is not what the bpd community would call my FP (first time for me). I will always love with my whole heart and care so much about ppl and I want to find someone like me to be close friends with. 

I'm gonna go out on a limb and share my instagram so someone can message me if they want. @itseverythingbecca",1.7568683155080222,3.825082153409092,3.4658288770053503,88.65403743315511,79.73863636363636,6.641176470588236,24.557486631016044,7.724431198458867,1.1951026737967916,673,25,146,11,17,224,99,176,0.043,0.638,0.319,0.9961,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,3,4,15,1,1,12,0,13,6,1,1,0,33,29,15,0,7,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,14,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,0,23,12,21,20,7,19,0,1,0,5,18,7,0,2,10,94,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856064824090402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160411178697732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021453047502192,0.0,0.10867982856789007,0.0,0.10851537278141607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193734791549381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727768669202234,0.0905317185188982,0.0,0.0,0.24668924228009304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060488235173984335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612342672032267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675696922199733,0.0,0.0,0.11563959103871232,0.0,0.0,0.10399541805229022,0.0,0.09398214681514297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802989632597716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692609236476834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824038301616335,0.0,0.0,0.10279349917291393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475742588966696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426903775430525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27054059740103803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344324508019722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126671241483127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434304543195775,0.12357672943949866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449578553680671,0.06206184435630415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25110738418979084,0.1689628671832248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882846385591632,0.0,0.10259745877291886,0.0,0.07748437443243891,0.0,0.0,0.15121367029789867,0.0,0.0,0.13707851761223236
bpd,PittsburghPerson19,2019/09/13,"One thing to think about... Possibility.

Most times, you think things are impossible. However, deep down and often, you realize that you don't think it's impossible, you're afraid you are right. Because you don't know if you will hurt someone in the process of taking advantage of possibility. You don't intend on hurting anyone, and it's likely you won't, but... You fear it anyway. And your mind says ""legit"". So you freeze, and then you're unhappy.

I feel this way a lot. I have forced myself out of some of those patterns. It feels immensely counterintuitive, but it is actually helping.

I hope others will give it a try. Reminding myself of this actually provides comfort.",3.622617866004962,6.418597564516129,4.973548387096773,76.39378411910673,77.38709677419354,8.00893300248139,26.473945409429284,8.841846274778883,2.4661210918114143,534,21,94,13,13,177,81,124,0.05,0.82,0.131,0.8394,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,11,0,1,4,8,0,2,3,0,10,0,0,1,0,22,19,9,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,4,16,4,11,16,3,9,0,2,0,0,14,6,0,6,3,68,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.3490707603680948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505864334076694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902753605790937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126010097307145,0.18086757715838173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157273583339402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988184370215875,0.0,0.0,0.17764204839098094,0.0,0.0,0.3829331018353113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829329859981108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737886802109328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205499281211826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059121940413966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119587432264782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032612752129051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274005537903113,0.0,0.14223161559095535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154213264002828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447569985168906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376448597119211,0.34380662631002723,0.0,0.0,0.10429101221418106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142990042565653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419657168419198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stayingstoked,2019/09/13,"Need a bit of context on if i’m being too reactionary This guy who went to my high school (we’re now college-age) asked me on a date last night, it was okay, not great though. 

Then he texted me something along the lines of “maybe we can find a place to have sex tomorrow night.” 

He knows about my history of sexual assault and CPTSD from an abusive relationship, and knows I am pretty afraid of men currently. 

I said “nah chief that’s not happening, it’s a trigger.” and he replied, “That’s okay. I’m willing to go at your own pace.” 

Something about the word willing, as well as his pushiness for sex after a first date and first time seeing each other after years, just doesn’t sit right with me. 
Am I overreacting and catastophizing my way out of maybe a good friendship?",2.776597744360899,4.916089328947368,3.3166541353383465,90.62157894736843,76.76315789473685,6.711278195488722,24.01503759398497,7.7094869923839395,1.081959022556391,606,20,126,9,14,189,105,152,0.083,0.8190000000000001,0.098,0.0531,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,2,7,7,1,1,9,2,9,2,0,1,0,20,20,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,1,2,3,2,12,5,22,14,3,26,0,0,1,2,12,7,0,1,15,77,19,1,0.0,0.1995252001081617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574302711961267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838480210930251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391357496127778,0.28648009463355084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570499500262004,0.14124503628774654,0.0,0.18566041934305588,0.0,0.1667414203993185,0.1489146212764792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792271961715805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509530033488636,0.13726760719586714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383587273123537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486567585821752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316061983987883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594104424591075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132225648687582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807974336790297,0.0,0.14381176960319894,0.160185949294693,0.0,0.0,0.1704287116967763,0.13419214779228392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25928345339174186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545109774279404,0.0,0.0981947727006602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366723556148458,0.0,0.0,0.15141086565269626,0.1561074990251929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844339238291842
bpd,mentally_veryhealthy,2019/09/13,"When is psychotherapy supposed to do something? i've been to about 3 sessions, so far he's told me to keep track off my sleep and showed me a poem, never even told me anything else",6.023513513513514,5.324713108108114,6.295270270270272,82.87912162162164,66.56756756756758,8.481081081081081,32.013513513513516,7.1686216300943375,1.8425243243243248,143,5,30,1,2,46,32,37,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,5,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832164278182457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28750362187128703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731609730612254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30590745936625635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654393508758633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444110681168389,0.0,0.0,0.26495312066367177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6577240695384051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HighQueenSkyrim,2019/03/25,"Tips for living with BPD alone. I'm getting a divorce RN that I don't actually wanted. I wanted to work on it but it takes two for that. So I'm moving from my beloved major city to a rental house my grandma owns in the middle of nowhere.   

Just me and my dogs all alone for the first time. I don't want to go find someone else. I dont want to go meet a bunch of new people. I just want to work and be alone, but idk how.   

Any tips to make it easier in any way? ",-0.7433274492497759,1.0194656116504888,1.6948278905560448,99.58916151809359,87.05825242718447,4.5221535745807575,16.15975286849073,5.565023196281405,-0.9094970873786408,350,7,90,2,11,119,64,103,0.11900000000000001,0.8,0.08,0.2619,1,3,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,1,16,16,6,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,9,0,16,15,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,52,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.1575555338750774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016520642165624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958812259891894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334529952338945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922254914966408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487385989373527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756576866875082,0.13733244576877654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435290126759562,0.0,0.18351573155978804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629590757036885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425665865166314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777160711230613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159974563719346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593300206269833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193167565113464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679920705755996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139309898666645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414495840585664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771681742408414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761479151390614,0.12815444229932207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508045188492024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Slacktiviste,2019/03/25,"I think I'm getting worse This year has been pretty rough. I've lost 5 FP and something like 30 friendships and with my therapist we conclude that I was basically enabling the worst in each person I met. I had other stuff happening to me but I will not mention them here because they are pretty triggering.

I always been socially awkward and kind of an outcast but thing are becoming much much worse. Basically I'm a state where people terrify me. Every time i met someone new, i automatically have a panic attack the next night because the only thing I can think of is that I'm going to mess this up once again. Every time I go to uni, i have severe anxiety and i experience paranoid ideation where i believe that everyone is staring at me and talking about me behind my back. So I'm not going to uni anymore because I find it very hard to function normally when my brain is in a permanent state of high alert. In fact, I'm not leaving my anymore (except for meting my therapist) and I play video game every day from 1pm to 5am because I know that as soon that i will stop I will start hating myself on how I'm becoming a slug. Side note, I'm also dissociation ALL THE TIME.

During a moment I had online friend but know they also cause me to experience anxiety and panic attack. It's like if I was developing a phobia for human interaction. Today, I went in class and I asked 3 question that where  uselessly complex and the only thing I could think of was how all my classmate probably hated me now and how they were probably thinking that I was a useless smart ass who was craving for attention.

I talk to my therapist and to my psychiatrist about this and they told me that things looked dire and we should probably start medication once again. Side note, now I will also see a nurse regularly and my appointment with my psychiatrist have double.

So... that's it, I kinda need support because I'm feeling like my whole life is crumbling down while I also feel fundamentally stupid for being so pessimistic. 

(Sorry for the long, edgy post!)

  
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bpd,Worried_Goat,2019/03/25,"Does anyone suffer from guilt? How do you deal with it? Recently, my boyfriend (10months together) pointed out that I could have BPD as I overreact easily, have mood swings and also do self harm when I can’t stand the pain. I agree with him as my feelings change very fast in the course of a day. I also have impulsive behaviors, but never engaged in risky attitudes and have stable career and relationships.

Nevertheless, I have not found anything about guilt. Is this also a common symptom? Every time I have an extreme reaction I feel embarrassed and full of guilty. I cry non-stop and apologize 100 times. I feel I need to suffer for being such a bad person.

If you feel guilt, how do you deal with that? Before I had a 10 years stable relationship where I would overreact easily as well. Still, there was no guilt or shame. But nowadays I feel I am in general a bad personality unworthy of love.

Any help is welcome. Thanks

 
",3.8490517241379294,6.2482437183908095,4.859295977011495,79.59342672413794,74.45977011494253,8.48793103448276,25.81752873563219,9.188382445141503,2.402380459770116,733,26,132,18,16,239,115,174,0.278,0.5579999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,0,0,12,18,0,6,8,0,18,3,0,2,1,27,27,18,0,4,5,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,12,1,0,3,5,21,5,17,21,1,18,0,2,0,1,15,7,0,2,10,92,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380207367829228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581334504046443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851697107741272,0.0,0.1159444753481602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23528266732196426,0.0,0.0,0.11989115941188933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745216011685155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490480934995993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124930912639673,0.0,0.15476640193060606,0.09086553705705416,0.29051285450506764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329805271950413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871000713629265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35620340569346065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544839557682345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443886334614107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271631236653661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447176295825872,0.10866681184824784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992207855739498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460479368373487,0.0,0.0,0.13319119610664315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911668927182275,0.302536730049406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698408043003428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251882747272984,0.11779442257140213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644372059187594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971706911255884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431386683033505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162530258198622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668141150122345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008767521316517,0.0,0.0,0.09073167870633923
bpd,mystomachhurts111111,2019/03/25,"feeling really jealous right now My online crush/ fp is hanging out with a girl rn and hes texting me saying how happy he is and how shes the ""sweetest person ever"" and I'm getting extremely jealous and trying not to freak out",1.805217391304346,4.246945608695654,4.158869565217394,81.63178260869569,82.04347826086956,5.419130434782609,26.591304347826085,6.742157984588678,1.5565008695652174,182,8,31,2,5,63,37,46,0.129,0.723,0.149,0.0052,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,12,7,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,4,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865655407220199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608267707818876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232744692297892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549255514386592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731484317076776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737734772090032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649573968082798,0.0,0.3398485095549943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901448493262773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,41115166,2019/03/25,"DAE feel their lives genuinely won’t feel satisfied with their futures/can’t comprehend actually living as an adult and growing old (17yo). There’s not much to write here but here’s my first post. I feel like I will live a dirty and unclean life (probably related to drug misadventures I imagine will take place). As in, I’ll fail my a levels (highschool to those in us) and end up doing something shitty and my future is worthless. ",5.38111111111111,7.0513554444444475,5.554012345679013,79.28805555555559,68.62962962962962,8.85679012345679,30.78395061728395,9.2995712137729,2.793187654320987,345,14,62,7,6,109,62,81,0.19699999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9306,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,12,9,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,3,9,1,9,6,1,11,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,38,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.20905714456436847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843827263899276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974380072579186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32496270256323834,0.1530456382654837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222355167305804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131667157005935,0.10466174035598884,0.0,0.5675058708712966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748337390159609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479788269239864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22382429053974326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051726970058508,0.0,0.2309756959373539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492437922270098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610739656030997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576917795796562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,violetchamomile,2019/03/25,"Is it possible to “get over” BPD? I was diagnosed with some BPD symptoms almost two years ago. I’ve improved tremendously over that time due to DBT and just generally learning how to handle things. I still have dark moments, but I was wondering is BPD something like depression or anxiety that you can either “get over” or just have temporarily?",7.28709677419355,8.465159806451613,7.203387096774198,71.02508064516131,63.83870967741936,11.361290322580645,36.467741935483865,11.20814326018867,4.50676129032258,276,13,46,8,4,88,46,62,0.11199999999999999,0.809,0.079,-0.4871,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,14,10,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,1,7,8,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,5,7,33,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716779493318455,0.0,0.19393386207230692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815803799225058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7317667842267999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680883346468076,0.1965723240549627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023705537509092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461802953252636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833532587197213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909765240717374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466617498573634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129866817279815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286666265180251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293131047745275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918874868743865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002829683209856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471798729812887
bpd,ccodoff,2019/03/25,I have a strong penchant for repulsive mannerisms. I often get up to the mirror and start doing the most repulsive and disgusting faces I can think of. It feels good as I sense that I am connecting with this deep part of me. Can anyone relate? ,3.786063829787235,5.826049680851067,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,73.46808510638297,8.955319148936171,24.51595744680851,9.516144504307137,2.299174468085106,193,6,36,5,4,63,38,47,0.077,0.794,0.13,0.3687,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,7,9,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,7,9,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35844488803679475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592026297109552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678295657672636,0.0,0.0,0.4299722088542973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551315447556946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628442507281351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284745043923276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ehmegee,2019/03/25,"“Could I change it if I wanted, could I rise above the flood?” I have myself convinced John Mayer is my soulmate. I listen to his music and I’m like he just GETS me lol. I wanted to share two songs that really get me in my feels with you guys. 

[In the Blood](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ob-jS7bqYgI) my favorite song of all time 

[I guess I just feel like ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CQEoLHeI0tA). “I guess I just felt like, giving up today” 

Let me know what you guys think!!",2.4147348484848514,5.354383125000002,2.4222727272727305,90.75757575757578,87.06818181818181,4.296969696969697,15.287878787878787,5.985473137389443,-0.6701166666666665,377,7,73,3,12,113,62,88,0.0,0.7170000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,18,19,2,0,5,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,20,5,7,15,1,6,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,5,44,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123695550566601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205691153472046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301301949089498,0.143417645621073,0.19275390841596451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976981952683232,0.19258011696231125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442303083739588,0.3975531286045658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032833887631402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052830605722688,0.0,0.29423263332252514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860720955574378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863411346718148,0.0,0.0,0.117060413082343,0.0,0.19028992251107246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961060486967855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368180838497563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StarBlooded,2019/03/25,"From Mania to back to the Dumps (Tw mention of suicidal ideation below too)
I spent most of my last semester in an overarching mania period. I still had monthly breakdowns and fritzes of instability, but overall I felt untouchable. Awesome. It’s ironic because I had a huge amount of setbacks in that time, yet I conquered them calmly and came out of the semester feeling like it had been sincerely the best time of my life. 

Cut to the middle of this semester, and I feel horrible. A lot of the energy of the previous semester carried me through the beginning, and I joined some organizations and even got an internship for the summer. Yay, adulting, I should be able to face and conquer it like I did last semester, right? No, for some reason my emotional instability has come back in full swing, and it’s getting increasingly worse. This past week I’ve found myself seriously suicidal again. Such a contrast to where last semester I was happily reflecting on how far I’d come. 

I’m not sure what’s causing it... I hate my classes right now and I’m not getting good sleep, so that might be a huge factor. Also I’ve met a new community of people through fandom, and I’ve inevitably gotten attached and infatuated with one of them. There’s a lot of drama in the circle and the person I like can be great, but she had certain traits and behaviors that really make my emotions spazz. Also I am fully aware that a long-term relationship would never work between us. I like being part of the community, but if it’s having this effect on me I’m considering completely isolating myself again. 

It’s all extremely disappointing and I’m just. so tired. I’ve considered going back to my university’s therapy services although I had a bad experience last time, but it’s not likely I’ll even get in before the semester ends. And the cherry on top, is that I don’t know if I’ll still feel this way tomorrow ,and maybe I’m just be an overdramatic asshole. It’s nearly impossible to measure or predict these patterns. ",4.759701754385965,6.651572057894742,6.273684210526316,72.64412280701757,70.52631578947368,9.698245614035088,31.877192982456137,10.047579312681364,3.574129824561404,1602,73,279,44,30,545,207,380,0.13,0.715,0.156,0.8704,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,2,6,22,19,3,0,24,1,22,4,2,5,4,56,47,28,2,4,12,0,4,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,20,20,0,0,9,1,1,5,6,6,0,1,15,4,30,13,38,24,11,52,0,1,0,0,9,20,0,9,31,194,50,3,0.1037779463444428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598237239542318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23939650472563334,0.08665025038989503,0.06326207285949922,0.0,0.088307388732202,0.0,0.10890855209800594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869432385768308,0.0,0.10660853784672356,0.0,0.17879102329675312,0.10880920228409344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334724430155879,0.09191645753477344,0.0,0.0,0.13708870961476438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151474495149823,0.0,0.0,0.1574197435504356,0.07413898560428409,0.0996431030458982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378716163754884,0.0,0.0,0.16265908106458224,0.0,0.05897939847125885,0.08704401768240375,0.08300070398746963,0.11441555221308285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024592368005439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057033645283141865,0.3383715093148336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330143258157071,0.2535033127867315,0.0,0.0,0.0918402168133099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645659769512928,0.0,0.0,0.06927258503387565,0.0,0.10425889580704224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009200117858213,0.0,0.0,0.08283456667277353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003994992829018,0.10022938726077828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032262223735589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238140280398697,0.099067792505165,0.07194656113318766,0.09061489984597368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664828098144392,0.10670101303464344,0.0,0.1114186765617047,0.0,0.1772515982901778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385289353616856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575440401222058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270324589170861,0.0,0.09780948626809034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867912598257595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815412652207457,0.11927748297031066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483209161085396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237410334242842,0.08324440876828683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555158092812997,0.0,0.10575859332298153,0.07372087554835059,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lillymaryturner,2019/03/25,How to cope when you feel Anxious/Paranoid/Dissociated? I've just felt so scared and stressed and emotional for almost 24hrs. Everything feels scary and threatening and I'm paranoid about people thinking about me or watching me and I just feel so unreal and detached from reality. Like time has stopped or I'm stuck in the past. I just need some fucking relief. I can't think of anything to distract me or anything. I need someone to tell me I'm safe and it's okay and this is real life and how to calm down and relax and distract myself until this horrible episode subsides.,3.480454545454545,6.096201772727272,4.079090909090908,83.62863636363637,76.72727272727272,6.545454545454546,30.0,7.686295010490155,2.155,465,22,83,7,11,147,72,110,0.23,0.631,0.138,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,10,11,1,4,1,1,3,2,0,2,0,32,16,20,0,2,6,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,10,6,12,14,1,7,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,5,6,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077152111389529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343414032434951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414010542674386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333353570152021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864283252454784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31465462551509826,0.0,0.199169192929248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917694125350869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651678562342907,0.10134178617333303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076194006486867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801924744803648,0.1438086337830249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610533226927574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076776450677284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757581752895826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342413224926026,0.23761497351476785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130647990088644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26583069337447385,0.0,0.0,0.12095644746803808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_unholybeans_,2019/03/25,"Girlfriend with BPD is dealing with a phase of not having a sense of self and is trying really hard not to do anything harmful/impulsive to get rid of that feeling - how can I be supportive to help her through this? It’s exactly as the title says. She takes Buspar, Lexapro, and seroquil so I’ve been making sure she doesn’t forget to take her meds when she gets up or when she goes to sleep. Been spending time with her when she needs it and made sure to tell her that if she wants alone time to let me know. 

I’ve been affirming how much I love her and that I’ll always be here for her no matter what. Also made sure to let her know that if she’s feeling like she’s about to do something impulsive like drugs, cutting, etc. to call me or text me right away to at least talk it out with me before she does (so I can try and talk her down). I figured I could come here to get some sort of advice from people who are actually dealing with this!

Any ideas that you could give me or some insight into the way she’s feeling right now would be so appreciated. Thank you! ",5.613257575757572,4.902051568181818,5.827272727272727,85.9375757575758,67.4090909090909,8.787878787878787,28.78787878787879,7.793537801064563,1.500151515151515,835,23,185,8,12,266,123,220,0.040999999999999995,0.81,0.15,0.9716,0,1,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,13,9,1,0,4,0,20,3,1,5,4,47,40,20,0,7,7,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,12,13,0,0,8,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,5,5,30,8,32,27,5,16,0,0,0,1,33,8,0,8,8,128,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.11633907420974515,0.0,0.0,0.11649795275782344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234733669053189,0.0,0.09533818474576884,0.09919850310198172,0.0,0.0,0.08107198224744584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810583737730552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200875750585128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144530434003178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015025692599046,0.0,0.1217343879641484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269531254405016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903709320254091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458159974807565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432803005675988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825444089613234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329590165553217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180839837106182,0.08516899962805971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868586561007576,0.11436428090076513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679545553136242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990897144269248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458203651043146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103763085817322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24381592423739454,0.0,0.1164872887130381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075984404883726,0.2256129457125718,0.07957860120281936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242375720980046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876385734690721,0.08839825922301675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082650397607255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637377768534162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362217240772185,0.0,0.09480653414659657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436984382758308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930358877804442,0.0,0.0,0.09177944926669684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528659637188378,0.3370832240968644,0.0,0.17927343336297388,0.19164500730802367,0.10420134214743428,0.10975944864301232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903335583422327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188170194496346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031756520605614,0.09462929550155104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846886853250241,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zxzxuccubi,2019/03/25,idk how to deal!! Am I the only one who feels extremely gaslighted by my family? Even if I lay out what they're saying is wrong or even just triggering/abusive they react even harder and the outcome is worse. I just moved back home about a month ago and they already kicked me out for bringing friend over?? thought I was lying about him being there the night before with absolutely no proof or explanation why..... ,4.876153846153844,6.648778666666665,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,70.02564102564102,7.764102564102564,25.82051282051281,8.344100000000001,1.6444974358974362,328,10,61,5,6,102,63,78,0.17600000000000002,0.785,0.039,-0.8864,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,2,1,15,8,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,9,1,9,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,4,44,11,0,0.0,0.26197369062285386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959965567453984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439952577135973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001637021156255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814437218685295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279499126173526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381140056568711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843845111020112,0.0,0.1117975111155178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708254490341957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178669920107788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764841851374533,0.2350000011333924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749239786754156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982671100720513,0.16816058609943274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758318530588112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553295440544894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995131924260097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22532524661621134,0.0,0.2417439963274052,0.0,0.0
bpd,thwawyhlp,2019/03/25,"Exhausted and overwhelmed, or weak and dramatic? Having a difficult time feeling okay lately. I had to start working two jobs to cope with expenses. Only having one day off is killing me. I typically spend it with my boyfriend at his house but this leaves me not completing chores at my house. I really wish we could live together. We’ve been seeing each other for two years but he refuses until I “get better” and until he can afford to buy a house nicer than the one he’s currently in. This makes me sad. I need help. I need to find a roommate. I need to cut expenses so I can have enough time to myself for coping. I would give anything to not have to go into my part time job this afternoon. (One full time, one part time). He tells me I need to just work through it but I’m really starting to resent all of this. With BPD I can never tell if my worries are logical or if I’m just being dramatic and a slave to my irregular emotions and hate for myself. I want to not show up to work and play frisbee golf by myself. I feel so guilty. 

If anyone has a moment to talk I would really appreciate that. 

I have backed off the thought of suicide. Mostly because I keep a savings account in case I ever need to pack a bag and jump on a flight/train to anywhere.  These thoughts are more soothing than suicide lately. 

-J ",2.4772655259822582,4.504412574144489,3.9833697718631207,86.02179737008875,77.25095057034221,7.120975918884665,24.646546261089988,8.07648339933343,1.4956363751584294,1029,36,206,18,24,341,150,263,0.153,0.7340000000000001,0.113,-0.9473,4,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,0,4,6,13,4,1,10,1,18,2,0,1,3,50,40,19,3,13,13,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,13,0,2,6,3,5,2,4,9,0,6,4,3,31,4,39,32,8,31,0,2,1,0,12,10,0,6,19,146,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775778497146376,0.0,0.07974403540174428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451347494280161,0.0,0.05907200131741833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570403577114177,0.0,0.0,0.1220476551037216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160238275701808,0.0,0.0,0.07737025007244389,0.0,0.0,0.06249529856526461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090043673721226,0.0,0.10012811295561212,0.0,0.0,0.08765554579538404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979955169353119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856883381033202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062853100138477,0.09295949668898408,0.0550729836490268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567299801739876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649529530351587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354438788751234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923252588499407,0.08613305187584476,0.10721032201906758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862468858863085,0.10260773038388124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556832944395315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646844159449262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35926679295453884,0.07473862005930296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26265962183536845,0.07370013606980742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098759675243113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623825230955196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722023245484648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717881626725908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211995293641932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788805771344369,0.1693973720474346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538624825768317,0.2825285718480689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932296721043385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057156705034692924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143523708554164,0.0,0.0,0.2116425949888576,0.0984110862527844,0.0,0.13767616079179704,0.0,0.0,0.06240323376419345
bpd,Cpt_Polux,2019/03/25,"DAE knows a lot of people but dont have anyone to talk about how you feel? Maybe its because I am too emotional, but I dont feel like I can talk about the deep shit that bpd brings you, I just have my therapist.

I cant talk to anyone about how I really feel, I just feel like I am damaged goods and I cant form a connection with anyone, because I will be judged for being too emotional and weird and having those abrupts changes in how I present myself to society.

I dont know guys, I am in the library of my uni right now thinking about how normal people dont have those problems, how they dont need meds to be a functioning member of society.",9.758666666666667,5.18547790370371,9.537037037037038,74.77666666666669,62.55555555555557,13.170370370370376,38.85185185185185,10.355215969177356,3.634585185185184,507,16,111,8,5,167,71,135,0.127,0.82,0.053,-0.8871,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,14,7,1,0,5,0,19,1,1,5,0,24,28,10,0,3,4,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,0,4,19,3,15,24,2,8,0,1,0,0,7,4,1,1,5,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24213512704355894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073075686416706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453807090769666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211019299665328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6764185951976018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596876147694561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334605728608564,0.1649271844190892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681765025427264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142943706016971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687519875052228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127870506402272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813490700211287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159654802122424,0.0,0.12821729456837472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559027383713487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130974091390892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600499880004677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104514259853084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394775195259518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985770401412574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848777812774032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27833605773216186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402373972128515,0.0,0.07396322141015063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kytexedits,2019/03/25,"Question about one of the criteria for BPD Hello beautiful people!

I'm not diagnosed with BPD but I do think I have it. I just wonder what the ""Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment"" constitutes. I have a lot of fear of abandonment mostly related to my mother who is my only support atm. But I don't really ""act out"" or make any frantic efforts to prevent perceived abandonment. What would be some examples of these so-called ""frantic efforts""?

​",4.772735294117648,7.493379376470593,5.767867647058827,72.63415441176471,72.88235294117645,8.955882352941178,35.33088235294117,9.516144504307137,4.227970588235295,377,21,56,10,8,124,61,85,0.312,0.62,0.068,-0.9828,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,2,9,0,5,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,24,12,4,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,5,5,0,1,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,7,1,11,10,3,2,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,7,0,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296639351473896,0.25756061539654324,0.14414343482660608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339248695647014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513996277920772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385194989089773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020502085014486,0.0,0.0,0.14148825029416928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436329360539334,0.16120889624848175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694980769721802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374492548510028,0.0,0.0,0.24126251853282885,0.135790174867663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405353137601166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581858141540915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298669468363409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057381915788978,0.0,0.25756061539654324,0.0
bpd,jenniifromdablock,2019/03/25,"What is everyone's opinon on here about therapy and DBT? Okay so this is probably going to get mass downvoted but i am going to bite the bullet and finally ask this. Ive noticed that this sub has gotten really really negative lately and im not talking about people venting. Its coming to my attention that a lot of people posting here come for advice, but if you dont say the exact right thing, they get defensive, angry and offended. I've also noticed that if someone dares to suggest therapy and DBT, there is a negative attitude surrounding therapy and the privilage of recieving it, and people have even gone so far as to mock those who have recieved therapy. So my question is what is the general feel for therapy around here? 
I think if you dont think therapy is a fit for you that is fine but the nasty bitter attitudes towards those of us who have or had therapy can be very cruel. Bpd is a hard disorder. Many of us dont think we deserve help, so can we please stop putting those down who have recieved it and being negative when someone suggests it and you dont like it? We arent therapists. We dont always know how to help and what to say, and everything isnt mean and judgemental just because it isnt super sugarcoated. 

Whether any of us wants to admit this or not, DBT is the ONLY PROVEN THERAPY TO PUT BPD IN REMISSION. yes i am aware not everyone can afford it, i sure couldnt and i still cant but i do it. Regardless it is still the only thing that works. Even DBT self help is better than nothing. All i am asking is can we stop putting those who are in therapy down and making them feel bad about it? Half the time i dont even feel like i deserve help and im sure many others do too. Well if you think that i want you to know you deserve it. ",3.5924521431543885,4.962611401685393,5.164019975031213,81.52338535164381,72.62359550561797,9.206658343736997,28.35372451102788,9.633347757342033,2.6549562213899303,1393,54,277,35,27,471,163,356,0.16899999999999998,0.72,0.111,-0.9854,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,8,7,2,3,23,15,5,0,12,2,42,0,0,2,4,66,66,34,0,8,15,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,35,23,0,3,13,0,0,8,17,6,1,1,3,7,30,9,30,60,2,29,0,0,0,0,35,12,0,8,10,202,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803885772098745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749713800842138,0.04942033461857735,0.0,0.0,0.04038976764337985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052873004761804364,0.1110502249749062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959127697522412,0.03620586164593581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052528920510998965,0.0,0.0,0.14960862731404598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232486481108914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807035101894338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41765399890971583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176869796352256,0.0,0.0,0.1135064932263659,0.053379247585621487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009375124308698,0.04243088684938145,0.0,0.06506291928604055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206153669733905,0.0,0.06750964185930153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053205108777471984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924143950697622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831082350283998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528247263952076,0.0,0.06699870540099477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803354493253604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049441848713538,0.0,0.0,0.03964577062093882,0.1204318237472916,0.0,0.06469717510160908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569898780966014,0.13524029226456102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034320389762306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352838536010352,0.0,0.0,0.06519647113321439,0.0,0.0,0.05688276771492325,0.0,0.06403647781372478,0.0,0.0,0.179121285735608,0.06653456150855831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609827832611754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072191404847029,0.0,0.09446454321464012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196060531377689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064821578616027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486380618920667,0.0993116220988994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195576013917448,0.0,0.0,0.047738423932694535,0.0,0.0,0.6112970756769114,0.06896068898859585,0.07891709950252936,0.15222839532360846,0.0,0.0,0.034632956917742964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143300037546924,0.0,0.0,0.049006040846617666,0.07006391212323652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340208895857791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323933697668676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frickened,2019/03/25,"What’s the point in living a life when you’re not even in control of your basic emotions I’m just so fucking sad today. I know I would at some point, I’ve had a good past 3 days and I just knew I would crash. I’m just so exhausted by this illness. It’s broken everything. I can’t be fixed ",-0.4108351648351629,1.4566631692307688,2.009890109890112,97.19153846153843,86.53846153846155,4.945054945054945,18.516483516483518,6.1826913282559595,-0.29673626373626405,226,6,55,2,7,77,49,65,0.247,0.706,0.047,-0.9102,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,1,0,3,0,5,4,0,1,0,11,10,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,5,5,1,9,0,1,0,1,1,5,1,1,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922854620636933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806567270966608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931403281729372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212407942548266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23421079917875504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092083275833864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857921713876266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432191420902111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184069740522426,0.0,0.0,0.2301148915325519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487725303357845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927031457176698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24701866925596785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702460362741297,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,illest2964,2019/03/25,"DAE mentally disconnect? This weekend my Gf went away for the weekend and I was convinced it was over. She kept in contact which shocked me but to protect myself, I tried to disconnect. When she got home yesterday it was hard for me to look at her and ease back in to how we were prior to her leaving. wtf is this!? And does anyone else do anything like this? I can not rationalize this in my head ",2.0493987341772133,4.350277278481016,3.1979588607594955,89.72326740506331,80.01265822784809,6.481645569620253,26.330696202531644,7.645422480735847,1.4859734177215191,311,13,64,5,8,100,56,79,0.094,0.7659999999999999,0.14,0.6288,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,1,0,8,11,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,2,13,2,13,4,0,13,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,7,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935126712802304,0.28356694327267495,0.2277447722908265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26001927769742994,0.21280656663476752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218908970164546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23119226310517665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134527232240075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479170185168979,0.0,0.28402921214589705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776065970794939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930422830225168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520791296392098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23240346512303825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789027076279885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878976436729117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565535180647201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ragazzoperso,2019/03/25,Better to be alone Because that way you don't have to be any certain way for anybody. You can just be yourself with yourself and that's it.,3.8479310344827553,4.664330517241385,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,71.41379310344827,5.8000000000000025,31.74137931034483,3.1291,1.1921586206896555,111,5,23,0,2,35,22,29,0.065,0.774,0.161,0.4588,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537871992802297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979543579821193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267089782668567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875046007825651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6955599260274206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sarca5ticRock,2019/03/25,"""As hard as you have it, the people around you have it twice as hard"" Thanks Mom. ",-0.2794117647058805,1.8166284117647078,0.2191176470588232,108.63102941176471,88.41176470588232,3.4000000000000004,8.5,3.1291,-2.5314470588235296,61,0,16,0,2,18,11,17,0.142,0.711,0.147,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438606850945352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.692041060922161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523927703726791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267789806978098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556239584690719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImpartialExhaustion,2019/03/25,"How to cope with suicidal thoughts Hi everyone. Apologies if this isn't allowed. Without getting into details and at the risk of triggering anybody, I am seeking advice on coping with suicidal thoughts. Thank you.",4.935000000000001,8.509131388888889,4.918000000000003,72.62700000000002,82.33333333333333,7.3244444444444445,43.31111111111112,8.238735603445708,5.164117777777778,174,13,22,4,5,54,33,36,0.255,0.688,0.057,-0.8625,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,11,6,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,8,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29166902117445764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852082990281505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594231495832744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6529724682292096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747982277156857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739160162006319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877219178747683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a12345throwawaya,2019/03/25,"I feel worthless I think they are interested in me again after a period of instability, but won't accomodate me because of my mental health issues, which would be understandable if I didn't think they were sleeping with my other friends behind my back. They think I'm merely infatuated, but it feels like much more than that. When they are being flirtatious I feel like I'm not empathetic or tactful enough to initiate anything, and when they are not it feels like I'm not good enough even to pay attention to. I feel like the worthless emotionally damaged runt of the group, and have think about running away or committing suicide. And that's from a 20 year old male. I can't tell if I'm insane or just pathetically obsessed with someone who couldn't care less. I mean this all does sound pretty pathetic. I'm the ultimate virgin loser.   ",6.651455696202532,7.52062844936709,7.077063291139242,72.46508860759496,65.13924050632912,10.11746835443038,32.255696202531645,10.125756701596842,3.233848607594937,677,26,121,15,10,221,101,158,0.242,0.612,0.147,-0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,5,1,7,13,0,1,5,0,12,3,1,0,2,32,29,12,1,4,11,0,5,4,1,2,1,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,12,0,1,1,7,5,0,0,2,6,17,8,15,22,6,11,0,4,0,1,10,2,0,5,12,82,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716903229887612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337734642178998,0.10948369628261437,0.0,0.08679532200057742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516890222047624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460027507217793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016164941990665,0.0,0.29423928803746024,0.0,0.09404259262957793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599654767623996,0.4068736187390841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000471046481124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942405933721713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134641289533302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486108028077501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27824446044193857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509676859471294,0.0,0.0,0.14348852019565803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046678477034285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940694986890105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485464312383453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248577271855756,0.0,0.12064060763658135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574383264405212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444897011279447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649329691129433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822566762621714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011447592872036,0.0,0.0,0.0916899486668211
bpd,oncebelieved,2019/03/25,"Husband out of town - sick and angry SO has had enough and I’m lucky to still be married.  Every time I fix something he adds something even harder to my to do list.  Presently it’s time away from me. He’s always done it. I just raged and got relief. I can’t do this now or else he leaves. For a night, a weekend and has threatened divorce.

I’ve gotten 1,000% better than where I was.  I’m beside myself today because it’s his 2nd week gone and he’s not answering my text (I only sent one and it was neutral). He knows I’m struggling and tbh I don’t think he cares.  It’s a work thing that was optional which means he willingly chose this.  

He goes out at night more to run errands. Took up a hobby that takes him out of town. I’ve let him go but the pain is awful. 

I’ve taken 2 anti anxiety meds and am trying to keep it together. How do I make it till Friday?  How do I keep doing these as he calls them “normal things”?

I feel physically sick. ",-0.439446153846152,1.75550724,1.806000000000001,95.81530769230773,91.6,4.276923076923079,16.692307692307693,5.8734145424116955,-0.5060961538461539,728,18,163,6,26,244,128,200,0.145,0.815,0.04,-0.9664,0,0,2,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,1,1,5,1,19,3,0,3,0,29,38,15,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,15,12,0,2,5,1,0,5,3,3,0,1,11,1,17,4,18,24,2,25,0,0,0,0,17,9,0,3,11,96,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553354192871467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246067386612224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530360152329683,0.0,0.0,0.09929331125188448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405873018656914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632400953009654,0.0,0.1660723257893581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668812082548126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606969072300418,0.0,0.0,0.16830396233475614,0.0,0.10758414400306894,0.0,0.1372378133373387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235965556729925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257141767804512,0.0,0.13027418107934868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895597148648202,0.0,0.0,0.08951745077190007,0.0,0.0,0.17247191702733106,0.0,0.16656116149527403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872714149388524,0.0,0.0,0.17742974348472246,0.18092874679470716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057134680493212,0.15959292051940427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037523277762773,0.1238815409480264,0.17332134609833846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507939826993961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008033791043178,0.0,0.0,0.17028298608795087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224694054729131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642738959314856,0.10437026458627792,0.0,0.0,0.1899593499215933,0.0,0.15439613198446006,0.0,0.1809714599605222,0.110588364501294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306566891692906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185823717368488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,diwpsy,2019/03/25,"relationship help im having a hard time loving properly. im scared to hurt him. hes equally unstable if not more unstable than me. 

i met him december last year and from the moment we met it was like..........idk so amazing? but now i realize every time i meet a new guy its like sOOOO amazing!!! ((((**long distance**))))))

when we met he was still obsessed with another girl, but flirting with me. i kind of forced him to get over her (i dont regret it because she was literally cheating on him and stealing his money lol) around beginning of january we had a few days where we didnt speak because he made it seemed like he wanted to still be with her. he reassures me he wanted nothing to do with her and we carried on normal talking being happy etc.

few days before valentines day i split on him for the first time. it was really bad. he kept calling me one morning at like 4 am, and each phone call got me more and more upset to the point i said if he called me one more time i would block him and make it where he could never find me again. well he called me again and i blocked him. went back to sleep. i blocked him everywhere after i woke up. i put in my mind that i hated him and i would never talk to him again. with that in mind, i started flirting with someone else. figured since we would never talk again i should just try to move on. i didnt miss him at all for the week that i ignored him. i didnt feel bad. he even made an alternate acc on instagram and was sending me over 40 dms a day, just begging me to speak to him, telling me he loves me. on the last day of not talking to him, it hit me at like 3 am that i missed him. i forced a fight between me and this new guy so it would end and i could go back to the person i genuinely liked. 

its been a hard road of earning his trust back but i think its back for the most part. he officially asked me to be his girlfriend march 5th and it doesnt feel like a relationship and i dont find myself holding any loyalties to him. i do love him, or at least i think i do. im scared to leave him or tell him i dont know if i want a relationship because im scared he will kill himself. every girl hes ever been with, just leaves him or cheats on him. and in reality im doing the same thing that i promised him i wouldnt do. i seem like a dumbass claiming i love him but being able to flirt or do sexual things with other people, and in reality im no better than the girl he was previously with. 

he suffers from anorexia and a deep...bad...bad depression. he has serious body image issues even tho he is the most beautiful person ive ever seen. 

how do i love normally with bpd? how do i learn to not take my relationship for granted? how do i figure out if i genuinely love him or if im scared to be lonely? i dont know what to do, i probably didnt give enough context

*i want this relationship to work, i want to be with him and love him and have it all be meaningful.* ",1.1264070647603042,2.949183094308946,3.14664564059434,91.38859756097564,80.65853658536584,6.452761424165968,22.14816372301653,7.503015589744147,0.7373437061956825,2253,71,513,34,58,761,255,615,0.17,0.6679999999999999,0.162,0.6892,0,2,0,0,2,0,82.0,6,0,0,4,29,49,5,6,21,1,53,9,2,6,7,113,96,39,1,21,20,0,4,7,1,7,0,3,0,7,23,38,0,6,15,0,1,5,17,23,1,3,24,8,103,26,66,55,17,69,0,7,1,7,103,24,0,14,47,350,126,3,0.051923228022464366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03530957557863276,0.05444603185120511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622268130359848,0.04854120908044295,0.0,0.0,0.15970302927873334,0.17341490625629732,0.09495575360554707,0.0,0.044182842720668816,0.0,0.0,0.045921875689500784,0.0,0.0576750010790969,0.06539548803552803,0.0,0.21207768470341648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291294508884066,0.0,0.0,0.1674309328650466,0.0,0.044721400211897216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434145461532174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337519436967231,0.0,0.04598856839732377,0.053650574500952175,0.057908124530515234,0.06858960481842276,0.09393506481444758,0.08749511807877572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052507888413197056,0.037093964474000055,0.0,0.0,0.0949137794878883,0.04416587123091485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027127743589532183,0.04980949161495029,0.029509167056425832,0.0,0.041527748726714234,0.0,0.0,0.10282431820104096,0.0,0.05527324173841516,0.09302602709354517,0.05126343797308332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03480304524878505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558488949979323,0.0,0.3926019743444741,0.05419435997730148,0.0,0.0,0.057445358740606016,0.054070051823795665,0.057071296422845474,0.08464872187847232,0.0,0.10995840270702882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293653174578036,0.0,0.0,0.045950422871182686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280391835591061,0.0982620276119744,0.034659157895468265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485531730844347,0.0,0.0,0.05518617415312304,0.0,0.0,0.12013918324919096,0.10029555435641854,0.0,0.0,0.1017474782337036,0.049821737664758316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036904618345012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622779606669582,0.0,0.03599702856666442,0.09067471987389564,0.0,0.0,0.0490842335517025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598202181100599,0.0,0.0,0.05219718545438727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033263349441430806,0.0,0.0,0.27873057585246724,0.0,0.0,0.04939088014893942,0.0,0.20793683732340834,0.0,0.0,0.09453791338317784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295143078001585,0.0,0.05196072635677041,0.0,0.043994382606190416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036751528041688235,0.0,0.08293191394141593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039039805547435816,0.1669356954701445,0.09076637980109872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689909710284697,0.06654061589747666,0.0,0.0,0.1211074072617513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03525246349705153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531283258604978,0.0,0.041649681558787593,0.0,0.04668521772119776,0.04813335257338593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03780072840301516,0.0,0.0,0.1475390857478729,0.0,0.0,0.03343685647656604
bpd,Pickens2193,2019/03/25,"I guess i deserve this. 
So some girl messaged me on twitter. I messaged my ex saying I guess this your new girl. Blocks me instantly. Am I reading to much into this..I guess this is what I deserve. I've been horrible. Trust me. I'm a horrible person..I wish I had the courage to end it and make the world a better place. I'm trash I am the bad borderline. I see that now. I don't deserve this sub. Mods please block me from using it. ",-1.5580434782608703,0.2721748260869603,1.0177173913043518,98.00744565217391,105.08695652173913,4.039130434782609,18.793478260869566,5.985473137389443,-0.08186086956521699,332,12,76,4,16,112,57,92,0.163,0.6829999999999999,0.154,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,0,11,15,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,16,3,5,13,2,7,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,4,3,45,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602568970293395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645294145014096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672372855019206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6967251853760205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407238236845893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497677735498688,0.0,0.0,0.20361103334028505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840796786042516,0.2202617735589682,0.2314167833015279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087680608927634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765233107565575,0.0,0.0,0.16799605002402734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208058002577607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424323142876923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pandasticniastic,2019/03/25,"I'm finally getting help I have waited for four months to receive help for my bpd (due to the mental clinics in my country being understaffed) and 3 days ago I saw my therapist for the first time! I'm so excited cause I can finally get proper help and start getting better. I had started taking some steps to improving my wellbeing before seeing her, but now I can get guidance from a professional. ",7.839605263157897,7.3218716447368415,8.588421052631581,67.32894736842107,62.81578947368421,11.810526315789476,38.73684210526316,11.20814326018867,4.618115789473684,319,15,53,8,4,108,54,76,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.8294,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,17,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,10,2,8,14,1,14,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,11,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441949059568684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743174523165014,0.0,0.0,0.1740218446244786,0.0,0.0,0.2478174788636192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213091797337152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689655789053153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310908779646277,0.0,0.16736743143983165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41120445618292506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956604586685565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829191976115024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705521658656482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679550178952312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785412662943588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479421054375401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284582699897215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473472115924717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Accountnrsix,2019/03/25,"Would you go to a BPD retreat? I've been searching online, but as far as I can tell, a BPD retreat doesn't exist. I imagine a place in nature for those that just want to get away for a while. There are yoga retreats and there's full hospitalization, but nothing in between - at least not in Europe. 

Am I the only one interested in this idea? ",3.627391304347825,4.722441884057975,5.012289855072464,83.70626086956524,72.18840579710145,6.679420289855073,26.84347826086957,6.742157984588678,1.125838260869565,266,9,54,2,5,89,53,69,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.7882,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,9,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,13,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,1,42,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253240580801172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6789493807106404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082290126945451,0.0,0.15318511490702855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042765034647026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586297537456899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264647058484995,0.2049964077571198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816106837363568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355887967447492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898097121893076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147263425251754,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pandawolfy,2019/03/25,"Does anyone feel like they lack 'closeness' with their friends? FYI I'm not the best writer in the world. Please be patient with me here, guys. I'm just trying to seek some help with people who are going through the same things I'm dealing with.

​

I see this a lot everywhere I go. I see a lot of people behaving towards their friends in a way I've never really experienced. I see them joking around and having these really in-depth conversations....but with me...they seem uncomfortable and rigid around me. Their behavior is different and people have no idea how foreign and wrong it makes me feel...they don't joke around with me and the conversations they have with me are shallow, like they can't get past the small-talk and polite pleasantries.

​

I always feel like everyone's keeping me at arm's length all the time...I really can't explain it any better. It's like they're only putting up with me and I'm just a burden to my friends...or maybe they don't want me to do *something* that'll make their life hard.

Does anyone understand what I mean?",2.456086956521741,5.11284629951691,3.0262801932367163,89.39565217391306,81.17391304347827,6.112077294685991,22.043478260869566,7.423996415210882,0.9144376811594208,852,27,166,13,23,265,118,207,0.10800000000000001,0.742,0.15,0.8662,1,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,9,2,7,13,0,1,10,0,13,2,1,3,2,42,33,8,0,2,3,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,9,19,0,2,7,2,0,3,7,3,0,0,0,7,24,10,21,31,7,16,0,0,3,0,17,10,0,4,6,97,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125315879723966,0.2376520203808481,0.26651899254552497,0.07457848897606376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336583517356764,0.0,0.0,0.29288523055461857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150905535735367,0.09699306898330658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306363277454146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458046856773955,0.0,0.0,0.1919436684238134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479315984851524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635539707037886,0.15669470817863815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694595590441842,0.0,0.057297378772847574,0.0,0.12465451957129947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858927296294256,0.0,0.0,0.09824163024323172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350862999301078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380263375866367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747859557798784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746225884955749,0.2143143842374858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647284459497585,0.0,0.0,0.1464094417827563,0.0,0.1101769677609907,0.11946138444519308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458327622384891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340800194038142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046912006549068,0.2280914415539956,0.0,0.0,0.1203833195233458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024735234561298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076976703672648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621753082923733,0.0998382820457057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442833708535842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814756139313093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285902319664607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394871142869113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445786071370697,0.0,0.0,0.11416900316738482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468545132567939,0.08704992373117218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990552710626995,0.26651899254552497,0.0
bpd,skarmory9012,2019/03/25,How do I make my fp not my fp anymore Has anyone had success with this? Is there a way to make someone not your fp by actively working on it or is it just a time/treating the underlying problem type thing,3.3717829457364346,4.15022323255814,5.093023255813954,84.0773643410853,72.48837209302326,7.593798449612403,32.93798449612403,7.793537801064563,2.248975193798449,161,8,34,2,3,55,35,43,0.06,0.805,0.134,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,9,7,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,27,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794853759501553,0.26755735195965064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510842881023039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36614379025824095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242175881358433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542152532315897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312593768656133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30372927654249965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785733147413042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,andesz,2019/03/25,"Getting a diagnosis today, i am kinda nervous i took some tests because my doctor was suspicous that i could have BPD or bipolar disorder next to my depression. i feel conflicted, and i might feel better if i actually have BPD. that would mean, that there is something wrong with me what can be described and can be dealt with.

​",5.357258064516131,7.5137640806451635,5.804064516129035,75.53609677419358,69.48387096774194,8.830967741935485,33.36774193548387,9.3871,3.4169896774193567,271,13,45,6,5,87,47,62,0.17600000000000002,0.779,0.045,-0.813,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,0,0,15,17,4,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,9,1,3,10,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,35,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.19331380202095053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463769014659756,0.2407091715378481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075790878677756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520043173581393,0.0,0.0,0.4989917143135456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581640945403926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062039621229788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703597886482596,0.2027603650716205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003272858828662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349734886789777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578537878988105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101492922307994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067808629698756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250451669528522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777250741405646,0.0,0.22009272104426816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072221099869234,0.2165876421555897,0.2407091715378481,0.0
bpd,xxuserunavailablexx,2019/03/25,"How do I *REALLY* start to get better on my own? Ok y'all. Howdy, First post here/on mobile/apologize for formatting/etc.

So, I have BPD. I'm a 35 year old woman, and I'm engaged and living with my SO.
I am unable to get into a therapy program for at least several months due to insurance and financial issues. But I plan on it as soon as I am able.

I have actually been working myself on my own, and I have come a long way. For a long time now, I no longer yell or raise my voice when I am angry. I no longer say mean things just to be hurtful. I have stopped all forms of verbal abuse. I'm proud of this progress.

But it's not nearly enough. My BPD is still causing problems in my relationship, and I need to get better before I destroy everything... I still get angry SO easily. I don't yell or act crazy anymore at all, but I cry and go on and on and on about why I am upset, and it's so draining on my SO.

I need to get myself over this. I don't think my relationship has the strength to wait until I can get therapy. I have to fix this myself.

While I am waiting to be able to start therapy, what can I do in the meantime, to stop being triggered so much? 
I need to be able to just stop myself from getting upset about EVERY. LITTLE. THING.

Can anyone share any advice that was given in therapy that has helped them? Or anything that anyone has figured out on their own, to keep from being so reactive? 
",1.1701020408163278,3.040810942176872,3.4356122448979605,89.13260204081635,80.73469387755101,6.37687074829932,21.3843537414966,7.447530270364453,0.7315863945578225,1083,32,235,16,28,372,148,294,0.128,0.8,0.071,-0.9376,0,0,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,1,2,8,17,12,1,2,6,1,28,0,0,3,2,40,51,28,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,12,13,0,6,3,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,3,4,39,7,44,43,9,43,0,1,0,0,9,18,0,3,20,173,51,2,0.2859277146431833,0.11292586220209072,0.09300806797434932,0.0,0.0,0.09313508451543584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481355027882857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452115395239546,0.13328487081934445,0.0,0.0784313821770516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110114186335761,0.0,0.0,0.1685865519550843,0.0,0.0,0.2400772981459524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790884178414616,0.0,0.08210046946500442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046927228014677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984799208407859,0.1062949944683687,0.0,0.0,0.08030214384936481,0.0,0.08565779773194078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106998933641699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485660025629729,0.0,0.05416643647949692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638837733425914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203051074106054,0.0,0.0,0.09947808257835124,0.0,0.08471523011992473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552489532610532,0.08415980348950021,0.16869135322584095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381970127608836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607492463955733,0.0,0.07006325650908167,0.2120117774310034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001101276644894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127990430255398,0.0,0.0,0.09119806917739706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105753853266507,0.0,0.0,0.2046529067111517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757937316607983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767231048618413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349207387242106,0.0,0.15222816150795482,0.2390483724372475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359776807225348,0.0,0.12663844569813634,0.061070311429417615,0.0,0.0,0.05557558325940395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756520370147127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860017630848054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938626054762774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061376024573949375
bpd,throwaway99889900,2019/03/25,"Advice on BPD behaviours from someone sane and experienced Hello BPD community, excellent that this sub exists as I've encountered someone with what I think is BPD and want to run it past you all for confirmation to see if it's a likely diagnosis.

​

1. Woman gets engaged to male Fiance
2. Fiance moves to another country to work
3. Remote relationship ensues
4. She assumes he's cheating on her
5. Gets comprehensive 'reactive' revenge on him by having unprotected sexual intercourse with her gay/bi male first cousin
6. Thinks she's contracted HIV, which is actually chlamydia because the first cousin is gay/bi
7. Discovers she's pregnant with her first cousin
8. Can't get an abortion by going to her doctor as it won't be approved
9. Can't get treatment for what she thinks is HIV as she thinks incest with first cousin is a crime
10. Waits for pregnancy and chlamydia to go away which it doesn't (possibly causing permanent infertility)
11. Dreams up a cunning plan which saves face with family and justice
12. Finds a male stranger to attempt to have sex with
13. Follows him home and makes advances which were unsuccessful, freaks out at being rejected
14. Goes to the police and claims she was raped (tries paternity fraud by claiming stranger is father and transmitter)
15. Tells fiance she was raped in an additional act of revenge (she wasn't)

​

Would this behavior qualify as symptoms of BPD?  
There's two occasions where there is implied abandonment (4&13)",5.648729848558871,8.208907108614234,5.996567334310376,72.74655593551539,69.67415730337079,9.287673017423874,33.33154209412148,9.761364909221204,3.77859563588992,1206,58,192,31,23,386,168,267,0.147,0.7979999999999999,0.055,-0.9809,0,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,10,3,10,3,0,8,0,20,11,1,2,1,30,35,12,0,3,1,5,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,4,13,15,0,2,6,1,0,7,5,6,0,5,4,2,16,4,37,27,1,21,0,2,1,8,28,9,0,2,6,111,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.10067637842526332,0.0,0.0,0.10081386720054054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353450983574579,0.25071906290012,0.0,0.10817988324774364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692905100200676,0.0,0.0,0.06288981332819409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.519742285714881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598121024681882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055960776219316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725692529841327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429302039552197,0.35101612593935955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560257264003796,0.0,0.11726467984394168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034851886563708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040231942650431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886495722670154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965048643195764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848483768976854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630560149116245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076304416711633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221096113114205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748265947792447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723030085811984,0.0,0.0,0.09017274570658984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26442169665162296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004380770537218,0.0,0.1007794369673165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060850731817453624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510700497868028,0.0,0.0,0.07328707220712934,0.0,0.25071906290012,0.0
bpd,SisterSpider,2019/03/25,"Tried to do something nice for myself since I’ve been mentally doing so well lately and it backfired. Of course. I had been doing so great. Have felt in control of myself. Have felt stable with a routine. I like my job. My bills are paid. I’ve got money in my savings. Spouse is happy and I’ve been happy. I should’ve never tried to deviate and do something nice for myself. It always backfires.

So I spent $60 on new clothes because I’ve held down my nice new job for three months now and I need some clothes to wear to work since I’ve been cycling through the same seven shirts and one pair of pants since I started (80% of my clothes are in a storage unit in another state but that’s another story). I don’t like dressing rooms in stores, they freak me out, so I just buy according to what size my current clothes are and hope they fit basically. It usually works for me.

NONE OF THE PANTS I BOUGHT FIT ME DESPITE BUYING THE SAME SIZE MY CURRENT PANTS ARE. 

I weighed myself and my weight hasn’t changed?? I don’t understand, it’s like some cruel joke. The kicker is that I bought two of the three pairs on clearance so I probably can’t even return them! Wasted money!

I had to roll into work caked in makeup so they couldn’t tell I’ve been crying all morning. I’m not going to be able to eat for a month or so now because BPD brain is gonna call me a fat piece of shit every time I touch food. Fuck my life. ",1.1357390631904565,3.349159619863016,2.4294387980556813,94.4216151126823,82.93835616438356,5.0006186478126375,21.063190455148032,6.207218560251982,0.13005311533362818,1107,34,239,9,31,355,154,292,0.09,0.777,0.134,0.7419,4,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,4,4,12,17,3,0,9,0,26,11,5,1,2,29,42,16,0,3,4,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,10,5,2,3,1,10,1,8,4,1,5,15,4,36,13,33,24,7,30,0,0,0,1,7,14,2,4,17,146,43,5,0.11769222850094015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792936224063407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246821126715356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348818022880455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822924178516,0.13138345016393682,0.1201769240794604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450277232140144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200184183712094,0.0,0.0,0.129279386606985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042853165351755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773460694302829,0.0,0.09916077853623477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260059919339223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231390986955902,0.0,0.0,0.10880456878181496,0.0,0.0,0.06688720567555444,0.0,0.09412922652188584,0.1297560974123524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505711314346944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689493855112194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23358275315682034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276196006170254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312950156291514,0.17249543394441416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860608482138048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878816278801893,0.0,0.0,0.08726729616063471,0.09077150211566673,0.2273357753458072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797512999310511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689212812568176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080938127344615,0.2920686828417272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812104548441457,0.0,0.0,0.08330316509154112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286819520477712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862728489472855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981059526272212,0.0,0.11496820589576237,0.1225217605088442,0.0,0.0,0.12962136226098506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331742784318488,0.105819447690775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570440321690822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,invisible_band,2019/03/25,"CV Guys, I’m going through hell right now. Last semester I visited a seminar that was supposed to help me with my future career or whatever. In order to finish this seminar I need to write my CV and a motivation letter as if I would be applying for a job. Needless to say I’m depressed and scared as fuck. I can’t even start writing this shit because I don’t know what to write or how to do it. I also have no idea what kind of job I would apply for. It’s a fucking mess. What makes the situation worse is that I’m Russian but I’ve lived in Germany for the last five years and in order to stay here, which is the only goal in my life, I have to find a job at some point because otherwise I won’t get a work visa and then I will have to go back to Russia and I just can’t go there. I can’t stand that country. The other option that people usually have is marrying someone. Yeah, let’s just skip that part...

My German is very good but I still don’t know how to write a fucking resume. In all honesty, I don’t even know how to write it in Russian. It’s torture. I have an appointment with my professor tomorrow and I have absolutely nothing to show her. I’m really close to just not showing up and ignoring the whole thing as if I never visited the seminar. But I’m not that kind of person. I will show up and probably have a nervous breakdown with tears and shit. And to be honest, fuck the seminar. Just fucking whatever. Doesn’t matter. But I WILL have to write my resume and I will have to apply for a job someday. It’s not about the seminar, it’s about my life and about my future. I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking lost. I hate all this because these things remind me that I have zero clue who I am and I what I want to do in life. The idea of going to a job interview is another sort of hell. 

I’m considering just leaving the country and going back to Russia because what’s the point in trying if I’ll still have to go back later? Typical borderline 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll just ruin it myself right now! Also, I will have to look for a job in Russia too.

I’m turning 31 in April.

I just wish I was dead.

How do you deal with these things?",0.9438601551621276,2.7984767374179462,3.3849706584444017,89.29327854585243,81.40700218818381,6.605311318878059,22.42137457728268,7.686295010490155,0.9749260393873088,1667,55,368,28,44,578,186,457,0.153,0.79,0.057,-0.9935,6,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,0,4,29,23,12,2,23,1,43,11,2,6,3,70,77,34,1,8,19,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,2,31,19,0,1,8,3,1,8,14,19,0,2,3,2,42,4,56,63,5,50,7,3,1,6,18,18,10,8,20,257,73,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383439377704047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118745645827527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860644240230572,0.0,0.18879162476294545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982235845454085,0.06668652625372445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227771180651704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076556433462755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294721270252804,0.040451662437134085,0.0,0.264016399438724,0.06494089104799228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666348283758423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644171662896082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051896724603789086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480807872512433,0.0,0.0,0.4609975617652887,0.0,0.0,0.1612536241442886,0.17020426414214535,0.1262243397377179,0.0,0.08198249466917581,0.0,0.07917288663414204,0.16406390032374985,0.0,0.0,0.06836819298354913,0.0,0.06501797503087113,0.0,0.08451915108822727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051682166300178856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057410075884173885,0.05971536937489751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429191843378848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888563161718353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838443425479612,0.0,0.05367713844362877,0.0676050174946337,0.0,0.0,0.14638437141414765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347785511069647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049600799959359836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224202006213112,0.0,0.061571917450773124,0.07751649822893393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895246103791272,0.0,0.08702957981051918,0.0,0.0,0.06560243053176204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480221388427234,0.08252535119865237,0.12366431350811305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431431637742127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525668767383359,0.084216782131707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852733219775171,0.0638842003341106,0.04566760465593997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644287903764905,0.08903557944557075,0.0,0.0,0.056366733937524865,0.0,0.07890326606287923,0.11000180079959347,0.0,0.0,0.04985952579081699
bpd,serenadeus_,2019/03/25,"Is it normal for a BPD to be very attached to their therapist? So here's the thing, I'm SO attached to my therapist, NEITHER in a romantic NOR sexual context. I noticed that I get very nervous whenever I miss my weekly session or if it gets canceled, I always feel like talking to them or even texting/calling them..is that normal? ",5.679923076923077,6.0787628,7.085961538461536,73.20278846153846,67.15384615384616,9.576923076923078,39.32692307692308,9.516144504307137,4.059692307692308,262,15,45,5,4,90,46,65,0.114,0.845,0.040999999999999995,-0.5227,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,7,6,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,33,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702456183985997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830867919736257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845681081420542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364919913225208,0.16057394355438467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348634787180313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981004475980843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404488454759628,0.0,0.2558992831502022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806595986823105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5219447719975098,0.14932553644208876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709134463609906,0.0,0.0,0.1802949269649113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theasym,2019/03/25,"DAE never let go of anything? Now that I’ve seen this in myself I can’t stop seeing it in every aspect of my life. 
I can’t let go of people who clearly don’t care about me because ‘maybe they’ll care one day’.
I can’t let go of arguments because I’ll never accept that I’m wrong, or that it’s ok to resolve an argument- I hate you forever !!
I can’t let go of that one mean thing that person who probably doesn’t remember me said 6 years ago, and I hope they rot in hell haha that’ll teach them. 
Every problem, feeling, person, situation.. I carry that now. Even if I do let go of an ex (unlikely) you’re still in my heart, I won’t let go of how you hurt me, how you changed me and abused my trust. I’m always feeling some type of ridiculous way about something or other.

Can I just have some peace and quiet in my brain? I don’t know why all my actions and thoughts have to be so full of anxious energy it’s exhausting.

Anyway this turned into a bit of a rant I’m not sure what my point is can someone zap the BPD out of brain I’m going into overdrive.. ",1.822149122807016,2.984401828947373,3.944736842105264,89.3414912280702,76.76315789473685,6.64561403508772,23.19298245614036,7.1686216300943375,0.7186561403508773,819,24,185,9,18,282,126,228,0.17600000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.13,-0.9053,0,0,1,0,1,0,25.0,0,3,3,1,11,16,3,0,5,2,23,5,3,2,5,32,47,10,0,3,5,1,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,17,7,0,1,8,0,0,8,11,7,0,2,3,6,28,9,23,34,5,28,1,1,2,0,12,10,1,6,9,119,45,2,0.0,0.113641381338298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502120725612329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980741189813005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835454214764928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892833791183658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693551392578926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471230231568776,0.0,0.12079923614152985,0.2141415584442564,0.0,0.0,0.19557966715165945,0.0,0.10146337937642892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185603748556255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334972119799369,0.0,0.16162190615179692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699312601311144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815675152323494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946943640174817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365752697396544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526338471226202,0.0,0.0,0.1026769949165064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271135074136229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5884660741180567,0.06774628385525222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635763587456614,0.10447752209347938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479482453925576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998644527816122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649409133326578,0.16749530016754388,0.0,0.0,0.09066891459571072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341058191589632,0.09177591700081954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086508849933785,0.0,0.09123535542862407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643035081083165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781038252800698,0.0,0.0,0.08126688817520189,0.07383861734164089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659635363861418,0.08018767570362574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039699480744384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372042514900901,0.0,0.0,0.07614431571964696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043259489091516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076131382304813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654668615233636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486595660644624,0.0,0.06176491441043696
bpd,KodahEllie,2019/03/25,"Overwhelming Emotions Hi everyone

I'm (20F) from Australia and I've been diagnosed with BPD in 2018 September. Which makes alot of sense to me I guess we'll kinda.

I've always struggled with my emotions to the point of numbness, I get extremely emotional and then numb and then all I want to do is sleep because I've hyped myself up so much that in the end I feel just nothing like every emotion leaves my body. And then an hour later or even less it's like that again.

I have health issues including major depression , Tics and autism. I'm not sure if this contributes. I feel like I can never be happy whenever I try I will think of one horrible thing and all my happiness will go down the drain. I'm either sad or happy there is no inbetween with me and when I'm sad I'm extremely low to the point of sale elf destruction. Including binge eating or taking excessive pain killers because it helps with the headaches and my pain from my health issues. 

I don't necessarily feel like I've ruined relationships in my life because most people in my life have just been nasty to me including boyfriends and people from school. I've always been with bad men. People (my mother especially) have said to me ""You're this way because of your BPD and it's not healthy and you need to change"". I'm a sensitive person I feel like I'm always looking for answers in the wrong place but I'm hoping just to get this off my chest.",3.178214285714283,5.286873249999998,4.117999999999999,85.48700000000002,75.42857142857143,7.622857142857143,25.128571428571423,8.488131031819089,1.7318899999999997,1130,39,222,22,25,364,150,280,0.17800000000000002,0.785,0.037000000000000005,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,2,0,0,8,24,1,2,9,0,15,13,3,1,4,45,39,21,0,4,11,1,4,5,0,3,9,1,0,2,10,16,1,0,6,0,1,1,5,14,0,1,4,6,28,10,30,31,8,23,0,6,1,0,10,12,0,9,14,129,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298247450348393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687323227538187,0.22449606316279253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022671891396375,0.2319137449043622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973961137232306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929834084939617,0.09344744418327752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420891395228367,0.0,0.4142580375954962,0.08154523683667192,0.0,0.0,0.0608102813848137,0.0,0.07757156152529356,0.0879752604768961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621011028022635,0.19732095759820095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620383295000078,0.0,0.05232456891633083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142367495318044,0.0,0.0,0.29402543362615163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572871605100284,0.0,0.0,0.06171147888166794,0.0,0.0,0.0914446523279392,0.09066878574314996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219088889133926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974870962872657,0.0,0.0,0.1300612064617522,0.22489974303300805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731423174928978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061456343122653925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768083580871477,0.0682675200134399,0.07100879264008368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834207149887449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238790135217685,0.0,0.19593444598925255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148581846630708,0.08039053796297334,0.09619183716173166,0.0,0.1740687127000467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884695964066617,0.0,0.0,0.08757809080987446,0.0,0.0,0.09317809243138583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213484752038767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624983676738852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677333675079058,0.0,0.06922394630593746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116612528034166,0.058993685514828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250837077830164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054304302281451416,0.07307957624156246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066229508722163,0.0,0.0
bpd,kairosecide,2019/03/25,"Recovery doesn't feel within reach now. Hey, everyone. I've never posted here, but I'm running out of places to turn and don't really know what to do now. I don't think I've ever felt so stuck.

For context, I left a really abusive home in early 2018. The actual abuse isn't really significant now, but living there forced me into a constant survival mode. During the last year there, I started dating my boyfriend (who we'll call Ty), and he became my only support system. My family couldn't be trusted and the friends I had when I graduated high school were really toxic in the end. I spent a year nearly isolated - unable to get a job, enroll in college, or even leave the house without permission or someone to accompany me. But, I had my boyfriend. I'm not proud of the ways I treated him. It wasn't all the time, and never intentional, but I know there were days I hurt him. Even though he checked me on my behaviors, we talked about them, and I apologized, I know I can't take back what I did. I wish I had the chance to. 

But, in April of 2018, a handful of extended family helped me leave. They couldn't offer me a permanent home, but they helped me leave the state. I lived in my brother's basement until I could find a job and an apartment. During those months, Ty and I had the occasional argument, namely about his failure to understand my situation. Admittedly, I'm really bad at handling confrontation and bad emotions, and typically when faced with them I spiral. The way I react depends on the person, but with Ty I had a tendency to panic and fear the worst (which means he had to help me rather than feel what he needed to, and it became an infinite circle of Feeling Bad). Long story short, one of the arguments led to him implying an ultimatum - I seek professional help, or we break up. Of course, I had every intention of finding a therapist. But, I live in a small town, can't drive, work full time, and wanted a therapist capable of dealing with me. I wanted it to be as perfect as I could manage... meaning, on a whim in October last year, I called the only office in my town and scheduled an appointment.

The original assessment I filled out listed me as a 112, meaning it read me as being at severe risk for suicidal tendencies/actions. I learned later patients who normally score in that range are in inpatient facilities. I met with my therapist once a week in the beginning. Over time, she diagnosed me with GAD and MDD, and helped me quite a bit. At the three month mark, she had me repeat the original assessment, and my score had dropped from severe to moderate and we celebrated because it meant progress. Even I had started to notice that I felt more stable.

Then, in January, I felt wobbly again. After our winter shutdown, a boy (who we'll call JP) started harassing verbally harassing me - calling me a bad and mean person, telling me I never did my job and didn't deserve to have it, and so on. I attempted desperately to push it off, even though it made me feel worse. I didn't want to report it to management for several reasons (i.e., losing my position, JP acting worse, etc.). But, JP eventually started to scream and cuss at me constantly, as well as borderline threaten me with physical violence, and I broke. My supervisor found me crying and our general manager met with me the next day. JP was told he was harassing me, and was suspended for three days. Immediately following his return he was suspended again for his attendance, though when he finally came back he didn't stop. At times he taunted me about telling management all together. In the end, he argued with one too many people and was fired in a meeting with my supervisor and our production manager.

Of course, I later learned that during the meeting our production manager called me ""nothing but a whiny tattletale"". I haven't been able to come to work or look at him same since.

In the middle of dealing with JP, Ty asked for a break with me. I had a feeling it was coming since he'd been distant, though it hurt regardless. He told me it wasn't because of me, and he still loved me and we weren't breaking up. I've been trying to be okay about it. I'm giving him his space and not being my normal self about it, but admittedly, I'm terrified. I don't want to lose him, but I'm scared I will. I can't help thinking about it being over me, and I know it's my brain speaking, but it's hard to not pick through every detail and blame myself. 

Then a really, really bad thing happened. I went to work. I thought it was a normal day (whatever you can call normal when you're chronically depressed). A little over half way through my shift, I was talking to a friend, and he admitted to feeling suicidal and having a plan. He didn't want to be home. I didn't know what to tell him, but wanted to help, and ended up offering my spare bedroom up for the need or however long he needed. He didn't tell me immediately that he was coming over, though almost an hour after our shift he called me and said he was on his way. I let him in. He borrowed the shower. He talked about what he was feeling - scared, liberated, free. Then he got drunk, and sexually assaulted me. He fell asleep in my bed and I crawled out to my living room and cried while I talked a crisis line. 

I reported him to management the week after. The same week I was demoted, and lied to about why. In the middle of it all, I reported him to the police, and he was arrested March 22nd. I can't help but feel guilty. I can't help but wonder if I made the wrong decision.

In short, it doesn't feel like I have much left to lose. I keep wondering if I need to admit myself because I spend too much time on autopilot ignoring my own emotions. I'm scared, and sad, and I've never felt this alone.




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bpd,SadGuitarPlayer,2019/03/25,"Am I just incapable of understanding what bpd is? I don’t get it. So I've heard about it and read about it and an ex I was with had it. It just doesn't make sense to me. Like I don't understand how the symptoms go together or what causes it. 

Things like ADD and autism seem a little easier to understand. I actually can relate well to all the BPD symptoms but I've brought it up with multiple mental health professionals and they all said I don't seem to have it. I've been diagnosed with depression anxiety add, and some professionals thought I might have NPD, autism, bipolar, but for those 3 it was only one person for each of them that suspected I had those.. I've seen a lot of therapists and psychiatrists and maybe if I were female I would have been diagnosed with bpd at some point? 

Anyone who can explain the disorder in an easy to understand way?",2.7225,4.933914823529413,4.17139705882353,84.08003676470588,77.23529411764707,8.720588235294116,24.742647058823533,9.354420925462401,2.2215000000000003,680,24,139,19,16,225,98,170,0.09300000000000001,0.8420000000000001,0.065,-0.7708,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,0,7,0,20,6,0,3,2,39,35,13,0,2,6,1,0,2,0,2,6,2,0,1,16,14,0,0,9,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,12,3,13,3,19,21,6,8,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,8,2,98,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.12059925154607296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454071208990968,0.0,0.0,0.08641215764024375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669456602021383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695385783271354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644191913140033,0.2508684340743861,0.0,0.0,0.14163690765422265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456705460233285,0.0,0.07023510799242502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136302690847726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075289346119752,0.1238627049378386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506590874381952,0.0,0.0,0.08249266043531514,0.0,0.1241558068746154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245426698851152,0.13110211009778142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374308818286902,0.09399049539257738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790797195916027,0.0,0.0,0.11682594895468365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361651568959953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755580204851253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501077523298435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569002625804506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348947216874414,0.08210310191781023,0.0,0.0,0.09811115508681316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5146173468511773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809449051695547,0.0,0.0,0.11111602377757344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778986882949834,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mswoodstock,2019/03/25,"I'm scared to get meds I want to start going to therapy. They will probably reccomend medication and I know I need it but I often drink my weight in liquor and occasionally do some uppers. I am planning on cutting back on my drinking because it is starting to get out of hand as I have felt really low lately. I was prescribed medication last year for BPD but I was too scared to start it because of the possible side effects. How could I go to work if these things happened? I read in to it a lot and the things people said scared me. I cant afford to take off work to see how the medication would affect me. 

Maybe I wont need meds. Would therapy be enough? I feel like an hour a week is never enough time to process through the trauma. It could be months before I saw any real progress. All I know is I cant live like this anymore. I've only slept 5 hours since I woke up Friday morning and the drugs are making me nauseous and shakey. It's probably because I drank today too. This whole weekend has been a blur. I am so tired but I'm scared to close my eyes and be alone with my thoughts. This life is a fucking nightmare. ",1.6365443252399778,3.7799782294372304,3.0386448334274405,91.16554488989271,80.55844155844156,5.7489930359495585,23.03049124788255,6.895973343053719,0.6508929418407683,885,30,189,10,23,288,138,231,0.13,0.8029999999999999,0.068,-0.9367,1,1,3,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,5,7,10,2,4,10,0,24,15,3,5,2,37,51,14,0,8,4,0,4,2,0,4,6,1,0,0,12,9,5,0,6,5,0,2,4,8,0,0,10,8,27,2,24,32,6,28,0,1,3,1,2,11,1,5,17,121,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017397463294787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657737202495334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592142246462823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437261846570452,0.0,0.17688100384628624,0.0,0.08230260175364394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181694243397875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444798658634848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949987180580594,0.11216586379993623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998776717434007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048905135601138114,0.06909763151430899,0.09286750231459792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941717391402851,0.101065650811091,0.0,0.10993775297263177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553022152844998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050176190267365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631086394213143,0.07884067226914519,0.10910570580735264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683170310021029,0.09450616758145668,0.0,0.08540657543307377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822288898777579,0.0,0.0,0.06456213982023765,0.0,0.09716942720278407,0.0,0.2148708572222916,0.2923092448590101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720192443895571,0.0,0.0,0.1434350613244964,0.0745973379793472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073560817087082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705428904081795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090385997137855,0.0,0.0,0.20856358544443115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674735580022437,0.11008987970742523,0.061962065668302785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200399270050827,0.0,0.3873391040123112,0.0,0.0770742592612388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800087609705376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053792506319176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272229151989866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212182011594836,0.0,0.12851451069030212,0.0,0.0,0.07678581438898713,0.05639889884573618,0.11116677007461703,0.09168037091681636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057048658911225424,0.0,0.07758389780781164,0.1177803424418988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798574522742624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082834440598982,0.0,0.0,0.1374159047910634,0.0,0.0,0.062285269870089234
bpd,RicoAuerbach,2019/03/25,"Triggers When I see a guy that is taller and better looking  than me I feel intense anger and hatred and fear knowing he is superior and could get any girl he wants meanwhile it makes me want to go home and self harm, because of how ugly I am. Also at the gym, since I have social anxiety and no social skills I am quiet and don’t talk. But everyone around me is hanging out having a blast. The good looking women flock to the good looking men. It makes me want run home and self harm big time. People that are good looking, social and good personalities make me want to disappear, makes me think I’d rather be dead than alive.",4.996419999999997,5.542781232000003,5.513349999999999,83.36442500000003,68.67999999999999,7.85,27.625,7.645422480735847,1.4780599999999997,494,15,99,5,8,159,80,125,0.207,0.624,0.16899999999999998,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,1,1,5,0,11,0,0,6,0,27,29,13,1,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,4,11,0,0,3,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,0,7,11,6,9,27,0,11,0,0,5,0,13,5,0,0,2,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880550930826984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084020463762243,0.0,0.09451791712721977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998860948679476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531692960609895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927283120895928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864723639546404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806044893734753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390317841306984,0.06247224815586061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455148666796763,0.0,0.07021817341862274,0.4145225002018394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233716718073386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24786801730930064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790164869415279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41501453295335866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32989108164169106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565628401560545,0.1078819539808695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845596360814904,0.0,0.25778602340170303,0.0,0.0,0.10220454577122244,0.0,0.0,0.3778410130248484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993074422591036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916794970079545,0.0,0.0,0.07204490819009436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914996907914254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justrideeeee,2019/03/25,"Should I contact my ex therapist? I stopped going to therapy and answering his emails sometime last summer (I think? I honestly forget how long ago)—because he had missed an appointment and I thought he forgot about me. And I guess I was splitting on him. But he’s the only person I could talk to who I wouldn’t have to fill in my history with. I’m moving soon and don’t want to find a new therapist until after I’m in a new city. But I’ve been feeling suicidal lately and need someone, what should I do?",3.4155882352941163,4.9368642352941166,4.884460784313728,82.75257352941178,73.31372549019608,8.237254901960785,28.43627450980393,8.841846274778883,2.3083686274509803,400,16,78,8,8,134,71,102,0.11599999999999999,0.8220000000000001,0.061,-0.7383,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,24,21,9,1,6,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,5,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,1,15,1,11,12,0,16,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,10,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311294463643054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904706955810596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559233026930875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987445732394773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849166921977805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098789898802536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151341296035903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918754628601953,0.22029580790464626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172825647105933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075625350837761,0.0,0.14480517990564618,0.0,0.3772249089434805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852696758992567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051983593586326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546871971681518,0.0,0.19314696283456012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327131915203488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361573931253044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696683399185946,0.0,0.0,0.22333131886653732,0.4534938579329088,0.0,0.1251340497295052,0.0,0.15503857375072486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518719678066615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,el0cinn,2019/03/25,"Thinking about my husband dying sends me into a spiral I’ve been with my now husband for just over three years now - married for about six months. Our relationship has been nothing short of a challenge. We met when I was practically homeless and he became more or less my caregiver and subsequently someone I relied on for nearly everything in my life. He has seen every aspect of me that no human should ever have to witness - the nights locked in the bathroom with a knife at my throat, the manic shopping sprees where I blow through $500 on things I will never touch, the nights where I tell him I wish he’d go run in front of a car and that no one will ever love him, and many more moments that I will spend the rest of my life asking for forgiveness for. Yet somehow this person stayed by my side and supported me. He also saw me seek out professional help and join an incredible DBT practice. He also drove me to my group nights and my individual therapy. He also held my hand when I cried so hard when I got into school after 2 years of putting it off. He never gave up on me and I count my lucky stars every single day for his patience and unwavering gentleness. Now I’m here laying next to him in bed and the thought that one day he could go to work and die in a car accident on the way there makes me shake with fear. Even thinking about us being old and having to bury him and spend the rest of my life without having his guidance and love makes me wish I were dead instead. A life without him seems unfathomable. I don’t know how to shake this deep, deep panic that at any moment he could be taken away from me. This life is too fragile for my equally fragile heart. 

This was really long so if even one person reads it, thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it. Also this is my first post in this sub but I read everyone’s posts and on my worst days I don’t feel as alone because there are so many people here that understand me in ways I didn’t think possible. I appreciate you all and I wish for nothing but happy days for you. ",6.8977580813347235,5.834879790754262,7.0584289190128615,79.31598540145987,64.9610705596107,9.872367049009386,31.25026068821689,8.841846274778883,2.2752260688216897,1618,48,330,21,21,523,220,411,0.08199999999999999,0.845,0.073,-0.5486,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,3,0,3,32,13,0,4,16,0,25,10,3,3,5,56,55,32,3,7,7,2,6,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,16,23,0,1,9,3,3,11,9,5,0,6,15,8,57,8,57,31,9,73,0,0,2,2,38,28,0,5,29,238,73,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669245881910745,0.0,0.26775334186193583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692182580361261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782522645003342,0.0,0.07864298869327349,0.0,0.0,0.051025392566660464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366221881373955,0.0,0.091945293917307,0.21592951460901302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737437924193775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057186254528373,0.1514307467194452,0.14104904373193367,0.07998308992586066,0.07522806913435356,0.0,0.0,0.09419066074007368,0.042323432505093635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119887417146538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951422178980842,0.0,0.06694601224458427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891048330736369,0.07498265304306391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099190053343125,0.05610525888862298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046001719648726236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956142759880828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407571242115386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109288107760507,0.0,0.11174660221175854,0.1697261383893681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681201060159091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911590409556434,0.0,0.08902052185648339,0.23565257604150705,0.0,0.1606331555173267,0.0,0.08783363081707697,0.0,0.17016069394124755,0.0,0.0,0.09820901523147024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058030054339120424,0.14617481306052887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943640736031192,0.160331251404311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414598729052586,0.0,0.0,0.16745399569699929,0.0,0.053623147588769036,0.0,0.0,0.089867142410037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471326718057169,0.0,0.07620129312302877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092242095831001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892176958993838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949867001985958,0.0,0.0,0.06293525125583226,0.0,0.07316128805282487,0.07706371600596881,0.09572321485858164,0.0,0.05560944829482852,0.16090309575711662,0.0,0.06645190106712053,0.04880867743884894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713917645276721,0.100686022310834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288122789491974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28876760180319266,0.16137600560316992,0.0,0.06093776099388099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780570927798086
bpd,SolidMiddle,2019/03/25,"Is there a name for what happened to me during an episode? Once while having a really bad episode I started telling myself I was a god, and almost believed it myself, and kept repeating to myself that I was a god and better than everyone else. It passed after a few minutes but I remember even texting my boyfriend “I’m a god.” It was like I had completely lost it.",3.344583333333333,5.171328736111113,4.659444444444446,83.03000000000002,74.1388888888889,7.5777777777777775,30.055555555555557,8.344100000000001,2.364455555555556,287,13,54,5,6,95,49,72,0.083,0.76,0.157,0.4878,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,11,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,0,10,2,5,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755834957791247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978921700338034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31006791599196515,0.0,0.2434012643047231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28855290415340884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299030035363984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177389621285,0.0,0.0,0.26297536375517216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24336767806017934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445391673056106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004246991167174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930901305183005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763068513097593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31175977287246803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947953618219171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054604987532335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kyuteng,2019/03/25,"Scared to be happy Anyone here feels scared to be happy? Like the high you get from being happy scares you because either you’re scared that something is not right or that the moment shit gets wrong you’re gonna get hurt alot more than usual.

When you’re sad you don’t expect anything and you don’t get disappointed which is why id rather be sad by default so nothing can hurt me. 

Does anybody feels the same way?",4.241785714285714,5.395228178571429,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,70.78571428571428,6.076190476190478,22.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.12984761904761874,333,7,68,1,6,102,58,84,0.312,0.564,0.124,-0.9621,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,4,15,1,4,4,0,9,1,1,0,0,10,16,4,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,0,2,5,4,5,11,4,6,0,5,0,0,4,2,1,2,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197264679235964,0.0,0.1200114549087484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890090383261201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762297340903925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474791751219105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304775329452964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657387115102478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408483605842235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31224312766733564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124860951475367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399345697567997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454403232066814,0.0,0.0,0.5840332600045602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969962222033922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227247564137216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061889199013926,0.0,0.0,0.11575865140883153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159524193040278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944990551802748,0.0,0.0
bpd,throowaawayyy123,2019/03/25,"Anybody else here play video games? I am a big gamer. All of my friends are practically online. But I don’t have any BPD friends, and I haven’t told anybody that I have BPD. It would just be nice to have friends that understand.",1.4980434782608685,3.863477065217397,1.8501739130434809,98.18395652173916,82.69565217391305,5.419130434782609,24.417391304347824,6.742157984588678,0.563674782608695,179,7,41,2,5,54,34,46,0.0,0.701,0.299,0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,6,11,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340757967065815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6423228325907567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301834842616602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5910331327979919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24366179128681156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654622101424189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114346708434015,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BoJvck34Empire,2019/03/25,"PTSD from BPD Mom 22 yo Male 
Long story short, came home from boxing one day (age 18)and Mom is in the kitchen getting nailed by some creepy junkyified dude who I used to see around the neighborhood. Mind you, my little autistic brother is in the other room, all the while my pushover of a Dad is at work. Couldn’t even rage and kill the creepy man like I wanted too, I just went numb and disassociated from the whole thing... I consistently saw my Dad get cheated on growing up to the point where going out with mom and going to these mysterious locations and sitting in the car for hours became normal, I feel I will never truly find a real connection with women because of this. Never been evaluated but my mom has BPD. I’m pretty sure I’m still dealing with PTSD from my upbringing, and I just want to shake it sooo bad. My Dad comes from a different county and was basically cut off by his family for having such a “bad” American wife, the first 5 years of my life was practically great with his side of the family involved, after all of that stopped my perfectly fulfilling childhood was basically over. From that point on, my mom went batshit crazy and it was all about her from then on. She is a bigoted racist, heavily favored all of my siblings over me and I’m pretty sure it’s for me having lighter skin then everyone else. She takes advantage of my little brothers disability and uses that as a reason to not work, spends his disability on alcohol and blames everyone for her problems.  The prototypical welfare queen. I resent her so much for this. It sucks being mixed with a culture and not knowing shit about it, it’s kind of embarrassing. 


I’ve made such good progress over the years and have came a long way, people who I used to go to High school with all say I look so much happier now like a new person. I’m continuing to grow everyday but I still fight an ongoing battle. For some reason I get the vibe that I will never fully be “normal”, and I’m perfectly fine with that. Fuck normal, I didn’t choose any of this but I’ll be damned if I let it destroy me. Luckily for me, my self harm deviated away from drugs, misogyny and crime, and now only involves working out to exhaustion, punishing myself with nasty bland overly healthy food, forcing myself to do uncomfortable things, and sparring with just about anyone in the gym! 

My theory is energy cannot be created nor destroyed, emotions are energy and should be regarded as such, unless you use that said energy it will just stay inside and eat away at you. You can either use it for good or bad, using it for bad usually makes you feel better instantly but worst off later, using it for good usually is a delayed gratification but a more fulfilling one nonetheless. ",7.192728951012068,7.033621443594647,7.5753794422100595,72.87225621414916,64.0095602294455,11.114366717215006,32.757236104700986,10.704944029454452,3.42960069888574,2177,77,401,51,29,715,275,523,0.184,0.662,0.154,-0.9633,1,0,2,0,1,0,49.0,0,5,0,10,21,40,14,2,26,0,31,11,2,11,12,90,68,34,1,9,15,11,3,2,0,4,5,2,3,5,26,33,4,2,7,1,1,12,9,25,0,3,13,8,47,15,77,44,13,74,0,0,3,1,38,31,4,4,30,274,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098740043561362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517081747492894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046445431133223414,0.0,0.0,0.05913173030689555,0.0,0.0,0.12481567615918962,0.0,0.2218461408716382,0.04049165081540541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058746915840361326,0.0,0.0,0.16731821922687173,0.0,0.0,0.15194345990179722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057218672713583676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042838193233230314,0.06848056040328694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939927991201797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703112643473442,0.06796866535139634,0.05548899854230137,0.0747184229846753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438726389252517,0.0,0.0,0.12694257449108676,0.0,0.0,0.1252378803547135,0.0,0.06717226714392302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060710627908219524,0.056500495270753966,0.08032055512062956,0.0,0.0,0.061408216331251424,0.10411190172426993,0.0,0.11325142065000812,0.16714071213222811,0.0,0.07323305068351517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018094427222105,0.06662901194781533,0.0,0.06541457806333441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734886718951099,0.06917071082753569,0.036505070813339695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792337072500422,0.046917463785195325,0.06490313806002647,0.13314924402456862,0.0,0.11756687133141487,0.055779701985837364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628523005621014,0.04433875144277679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706963085505968,0.3889768218648229,0.0,0.0,0.09765904067454384,0.0,0.15369159864442586,0.06415302513749475,0.0,0.0,0.1952452001693061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002168077491664,0.0505186908896306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046050262014720116,0.057999156799446436,0.0,0.0,0.12558491108017952,0.0,0.0,0.1351548330754843,0.0,0.06355910637754067,0.15529295813412525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560542178905058,0.0,0.13659053414339875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318474225682615,0.05282328778264762,0.0,0.06722496117254964,0.052931585500965585,0.0,0.06929505556894364,0.0,0.06818361308853732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079949035557835,0.1060931004155465,0.055533708371107535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520827678845226,0.0,0.04994282433989612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882587374295986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015850165420521,0.1463140150086132,0.0,0.07835757348351365,0.052724535855497016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315202592605087,0.0,0.07416038455870759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450730949152414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555017250064856
bpd,Worm2120,2019/03/25,"I f*** up everything good Ill start my story by saying im undiagnosed. I have a long history of being overly aggressive for no reason at all, non stop crying, thoughts of suicide, broken relationships, the list goes on. Family members have told me for years i should go see someone and i would snap, how could something be wrong w me ive always been this way? Recently my eyes have been opened to how bad ive gotten. The anger and anxiety rule me, turning me into an animal at times and an hour later stuck in my bed in deep depression. I rehearse all these different ways to end it in my head, to make sure if i do it its done right, but i Dont have the guts to do it myself. Im now in the mind set that if i were to die id be happy, i almost welcome it. After reading some things on this sub its almost like im reading my life stories, breaking relationships because the negative thoughts never end, the anger, the feeling of never seeing myself in a confident way. These nights are getting harder. I do have an evaluation scheduled for soon i hope i can get answers for all my regretful things i have to live with, the constant pain. Only thing i find helps is weed, doesn’t take it away completely but definitely numbs the pain. My mind is racing too much to put this into a good perspective but its all i could squeeze out.",2.0152564640111805,4.326848954716983,3.7781551362683423,85.45635918937806,80.20754716981132,6.793850454227813,23.77707896575821,7.921354282810032,1.434678546471,1043,37,205,19,27,349,160,265,0.187,0.693,0.121,-0.9393,1,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,0,5,17,3,0,15,0,28,8,3,4,7,41,44,10,2,8,5,0,2,1,0,2,5,1,1,0,17,8,0,1,6,2,0,2,6,10,0,0,9,6,30,7,32,28,6,43,0,2,3,0,6,18,0,6,19,143,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333767960837792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448209950276668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767109709144504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539191319310897,0.0,0.08477431867317352,0.06189248271511205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645354107460547,0.1097191674609943,0.0,0.16212881766240833,0.0,0.11152726570556733,0.0,0.0,0.08744868165994195,0.0,0.10537336538004942,0.10607850373839567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390167783642937,0.11899382095089887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985303048289428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124970400779348,0.0,0.09571458793404307,0.0,0.0513372300143219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279768576398692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609173246245683,0.0,0.057702525943741124,0.1703191222275333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808186009815074,0.0,0.0,0.10420031233552014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805422930268412,0.0,0.0,0.10084339981485144,0.09998778910147373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32901338615301684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717144956524545,0.04960302024792245,0.0,0.08965391781147024,0.08985192509094969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677728705058783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503515588089585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746371210509402,0.0,0.15661425538354856,0.0,0.0,0.09528016186820673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721905972494851,0.21607273002183766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206690829710097,0.0,0.0,0.20311736986076254,0.0,0.0,0.10439099299826346,0.10024982021262052,0.2180130432510952,0.0,0.08670709785123264,0.0,0.08074169267505016,0.0,0.0,0.16181445679441547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602706402584752,0.07816368516455274,0.0,0.0,0.07186431240985698,0.0,0.0,0.08488463711035373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105866362064044,0.0,0.0956919630450075,0.0,0.07633883356084033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235847159165835,0.0,0.0,0.16120887782724905,0.05920366454378365,0.0,0.0,0.09701742136075403,0.0,0.0,0.11043680012720734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417722437873875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212485790266175,0.11100843856190984,0.0,0.06538276985680154
bpd,roguetalvashoth,2019/03/25,"I had this awful anxiety attack today, and sent my boyfriend a wall of borderline abusive texts But he didn't judge me or get angry. Some background, he is a hiker. He likes to go an hour or two out to hike and he always asks first, as he's very sensitive to my BPD. He is so sweet that he's the first guy I don't super cling to or act nasty towards. But today I felt very ill with a virus and we also have my babies this weekend, so at the last minute I didn't want him to go. He didn't realize how sick I was and said it wasn't fair to keep him from his hobby at the last minute, a habit of mine. Once he offered to return, I felt guilty and told him no. I don't want to manipulate and abuse him. But I ended up calling him fourteen times and texting him about the same. I was terrified he would be done with me, but when he got reception he spoke very gently to me and understood my panic. His patience and empathy is immeasurable. I just wanted to tell someone. We are all worthy of love.",2.038899159663864,3.3914881952381,3.7809803921568665,89.95676470588238,76.57142857142857,6.8459383753501415,22.352941176470583,7.510576382923642,0.7149831932773103,771,21,173,10,17,259,122,210,0.152,0.7559999999999999,0.092,-0.6186,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,2,0,0,3,7,6,1,1,9,1,17,3,0,2,1,36,34,22,0,4,8,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,14,0,1,4,1,0,4,7,2,0,3,16,5,28,4,23,16,3,22,0,0,0,1,32,6,0,4,13,110,32,0,0.0,0.33559104028629866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132527730515794,0.11783846722929894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083382525190938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239477633557614,0.1611122136495904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836434600282464,0.0,0.1446089733032019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449255467236145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543252099194446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271953161593042,0.0,0.0,0.24092233193419546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399015420223642,0.0,0.16097083885200164,0.0,0.11326576137157825,0.0,0.0,0.14022521140259064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946632338343118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258775963700916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308769973492071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918795709815002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278168007271016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081975943347256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615954424746596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471223016920394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999343558821775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378136824570796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257925791686307,0.0,0.2684767664192018,0.13532315478636875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383413192211898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505518598514952,0.2505919094764769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060217199150356,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MysteriousandLovely,2019/03/25,"I don't know how to show affection (bit of backstory) i meet a guy who ends up being The Best. i move in with him. he had lost his job and couldn't find work in our city. he got a really well paying job about 4 hours away and is moving there while i stay here w his animals

(heres the actual part of the post) although im okay with being physical (which is honestly a huge improvement for me) i just cant say how i'm feeling at all. he says all these nice things, but i dont know how to say nice things back. i showed no emotion when he had to go today until i closed the door and he left.

i think this is more venting than anything bc i dont think this is something that can be fixed i'm just kinda tired and dont know what im thinking",0.9860846560846532,2.403225950617287,2.9080423280423315,94.82333333333334,79.61728395061729,6.603880070546737,19.596119929453266,7.447530270364453,0.2301749559082897,572,13,140,8,14,192,105,162,0.052000000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.134,0.8218,3,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,3,12,7,0,0,7,1,16,1,0,4,2,26,28,12,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,9,7,0,0,8,2,1,3,7,1,1,0,4,4,15,6,16,20,6,20,0,1,0,0,15,8,0,1,7,87,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.12497956671501473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539214903432914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032763778169928,0.09847928082237134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344034145148776,0.0,0.13982119557249267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502974593869811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406349607966068,0.11343356885020504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475693181007873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705527172921405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278613467780996,0.0,0.10243068894181716,0.0,0.0,0.1268111813936344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261248890693619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276678963860083,0.0,0.2541829271827334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115467575181254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915034590148975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398054589117976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722400328400733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386892394936563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226573472386014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204605123721455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30554342055443395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859590065169707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650745952406906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017037787712122,0.2461896444415317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719965215884495,0.12139705686952106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515189629108945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932377692396454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somehwerebuthere,2019/03/25,"how to set boundaries and stop letting others abuse my time? I find it impossible to walk away from a conversation, or always get stuck in pointless chat or others rambling. I hate to just walk and be rude..another lingering social anxiety trait, but how can I just asert myself and basically tell everyone to fuck off, and not drive everyone away, as I always seem to be alone.",7.572999999999999,7.791853585714289,7.923571428571428,69.42392857142859,63.14285714285714,11.571428571428573,34.64285714285714,11.20814326018867,4.0567142857142855,301,12,52,8,4,99,51,70,0.226,0.774,0.0,-0.9279999999999999,0,1,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,15,9,10,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,11,5,0,10,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,3,2,37,9,0,0.0,0.2539503037917592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219850013332377,0.0,0.0,0.3566855006105776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474749944609546,0.16396464051019222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027470021666609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096099376042925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958970550983216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814798747130288,0.11198047552894808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161008627675548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917065851296194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951212872022233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848614440384825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919251214194906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873370400052396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497966344390278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cloudswillsing,2019/03/25,"why does everyone treat people with BPD the same? why does everyone assume just because we have bpd that we're abusers, that we lie, that we're unable to love and to be loved. that we automatically think everything in black and white. yes some of these things are true, but it's also true to people without bpd. im so sick of people thinking i'm less of a person and i don't deserve to be happy because of a mental illness i didn't choose to have. ",4.411123188405798,4.958146271739132,5.524782608695656,82.76297101449278,69.97826086956522,7.872463768115942,27.28985507246377,7.793537801064563,1.4861246376811599,355,11,73,4,6,118,59,92,0.115,0.695,0.19,0.6896,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,7,4,0,0,2,18,12,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,6,12,9,3,1,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,2,0,44,12,0,0.0,0.1801400373083066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158464508096482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853617722099854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5744591974090142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660987628466533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905574371842308,0.13664185137294008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184716020975876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164227010192415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744402619565231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321843264247872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31621178709272746,0.132753620493783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100721786787424,0.19483948078496965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743810940836928,0.0,0.0,0.14655909972516784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadthespian,2019/03/25,"Lying to Get Out of Work, etc. Is this a BPD thing or am I just a trash person?

I feel like I'm slowly becoming more and more agoraphobic. I didn't leave the house all weekend and I'm afraid to be around people and do the whole social thing. I really love this job and I don't want to blow it, but is there a way to explain honestly what's going on? I feel like if I'm honest my contract won't be renewed since they would view me as a liability. 

And the lying doesn't end with work. I lie to get out of plans. I lie to cover up my binge eating disorder. And I HATE it, but I feel trapped. 

So yeah, in terms of work I don't know if being honest is possible at this point... I guess all I can do is stop in the future? I feel so guilty too. ",-0.07847560975609724,1.5694358475609749,2.6538414634146332,94.29222560975607,83.8170731707317,5.807317073170732,16.95731707317073,6.9077264865688965,-0.2568097560975606,565,11,140,7,16,198,95,164,0.184,0.675,0.141,-0.8619,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,4,6,8,1,1,8,1,17,2,0,0,2,28,33,14,0,4,6,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,10,1,1,6,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,5,18,6,19,27,7,16,0,0,1,1,5,9,0,4,7,92,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303277816893675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745038686089562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023616560017007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414484784885385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644082962427921,0.0,0.0,0.1423083325408319,0.0,0.17919254566280496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32496380321145113,0.22956923494626524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678897208744694,0.0,0.09131400486720057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699910654081938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586310388101662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539473718173327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944287433771015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830152049646442,0.0,0.0,0.17012920257592948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699314226773253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501339555589238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139022783855153,0.1402932145808222,0.0,0.0,0.15188764673948896,0.18113434112949367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029310534921652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291012761559928,0.0,0.0,0.1637855957729816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432958158196792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134876207193636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476892835500708,0.12753451999357504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938534486401975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509149435607346,0.0,0.0,0.11413728459636308,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ughwtfidek,2019/03/25,"Today my boyfriend told me my mental health has significantly gotten worse and that he thinks I should look into therapy and I ended up sobbing in the shower for an hour convinced he was leaving me I sat on the floor of the shower sobbing while istening to PJ Harvey for an hour, pulling my hair and scratching at my skin repeating ""Its over, Its over, Its over"" and ""shit, shit, shit."" The pain was so deep, like I was grieving an actual loss and not just something I made up in my head. 

I imagined everything I would have to do after he left me. I'd have to take down our pictures, block him on 4 different social media platforms, tell my friends he left me, I'd have to be alone with myself, face that I'm unlovable. I'm never comfortable when I'm alone. I'd have to spend the rest of my life with the one person I hate the most.

Obviously I'd have to cut myself and get high once he dumped me, hopefully overdose. I don't deserve to feel good. I imagined my entire suicide, I imagined my other ex finding out about it and feeling bad. Then I felt bad that I couldn't see people react to my suicide, *then* I felt like a manipulative, attention seeking piece of shit for thinking those thoughts. 

I imagined running into him in town a couple months after he left and how I'd react, seeing him with a new person. I felt the never ending emptiness that would become my every waking moment, always alone. 

Anyway, I came out of the shower, feeling raw and disoriented. He asked me if I was okay and said ""You know I still love you right? You didn't do anything wrong and I know you can't control it, I want you to go to therapy to get better for *you*. Our relationship isn't at stake or anything."" 

Why does my psyche actually believe that I will *cease to exist* if I'm not in a relationship? I'm not exaggerating when I say I feel like I'm actually dying. 

So yeaah, I think I'm going to look into therapy. ",2.955172244094488,4.724300674540687,4.60094406167979,83.28243971456693,75.06299212598425,6.8622375328084,25.554543963254595,7.645422480735847,1.395515026246719,1491,52,292,20,32,502,189,381,0.17,0.735,0.095,-0.985,4,3,1,0,0,3,51.0,2,6,0,3,9,27,7,0,16,1,22,13,9,6,3,63,62,22,4,8,7,1,10,3,1,4,3,2,3,2,12,20,0,2,19,0,1,5,10,16,0,1,15,16,56,11,46,41,3,52,0,4,4,1,31,28,6,5,22,186,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.2345191327675245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489006133426509,0.0,0.0,0.06665558434068128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184275393537687,0.0,0.07488939212973272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377228505213598,0.0,0.08847207775313284,0.0,0.09025335084149913,0.0,0.07084828377769947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162126395316328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984700502878015,0.0,0.08863706213519744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313859722580984,0.08369494477864331,0.0,0.0,0.07010232603405651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419023546152174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749374738873841,0.0,0.07199516083705393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620183724209896,0.057228579670031074,0.23074634275418746,0.0,0.07321650392766224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189060235877531,0.0,0.08370538211788522,0.0,0.0910535038156202,0.06719009519937627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908924769307446,0.08221306937309407,0.08515017783650644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463762538780194,0.0,0.07956449687119511,0.15777885608236505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804961347542284,0.0,0.0,0.08482192856629399,0.2611100302462317,0.0,0.05658206462133505,0.11740895358239666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453969791595466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722998503064631,0.0757993430396504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072918794981357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394078040894308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356717896587367,0.07736800587949233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531152374544422,0.05428269292483371,0.0,0.08523967896430057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553622661863705,0.1398929853938421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201024687266528,0.0,0.06841108717438148,0.07620026491257731,0.06370443842644942,0.0,0.0,0.1276700891180914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289154434736599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165917370148967,0.0,0.061670414673982876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397369102338883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752484884561024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602306238698197,0.0,0.07001719917870149,0.0,0.2748285977116622,0.0,0.0,0.153988323660476,0.0,0.06359614649567795,0.0,0.0,0.07593223235306569,0.07654583574613194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724928554017661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228426284011218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163605199670992,0.11381167317777376,0.08758461712766027,0.0,0.0
bpd,RollschueB,2019/03/25,"How many people actively engage with social media? + Some Thoughts On a Vid I watched So I just watched a Q&A with Markiplier on Youtube. This guy was a successful bio-engineering student and he dropped out to make Youtube videos of himself screaming and saying fuck you to video games. 

I am thinking what a tragedy it is that society has convinced someone who is obviously really intelligent and was going into a career that could have helped the world a LOT that it is more rewarding to make stupid videos of himself screaming at computer games. The guy is a millionaire now and having more success than he ever would have had as a bio-engineer I should imagine. 

I should again say, I am not judging Markiplier personally, he gives a lot of money to charity and seems like a thoroughly nice guy, but I think it's a real shame that the incentives in society would lead him down the Youtube path instead.

Then on the flip side of that, you have someone I just found out about called Sommer Ray who apparently has made a success of herself by showing her butt cheeks and seems like one of the most vile people I have ever seen. She has no shame at all and sees herself as a successful businesswoman. 

Wtf is going on with society that we are celebrating people like her and encouraging people like Markiplier away from science and research? No wonder we are all depressed. Social media is sending people insane and yet we are the ones having DBT lol. What's that all about? 

​",7.682222727272728,8.09252333818182,7.2898522727272725,73.41077840909092,62.89090909090909,10.075,37.1875,9.827888789773867,3.7268954545454553,1198,55,203,22,16,377,151,275,0.138,0.68,0.18100000000000002,0.8916,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,3,2,0,6,12,21,3,2,20,1,28,3,2,5,6,52,44,16,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,4,0,4,0,4,15,19,0,0,8,6,1,4,3,8,0,2,7,8,22,13,32,32,9,25,0,1,4,2,33,14,2,7,10,153,37,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527988194055597,0.14175281690577532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960447810074712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912134690921238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314230027552876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004777741959442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110485402242964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790999726509733,0.0,0.10784888099312746,0.0,0.11190943994571843,0.13259940029414233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34653069594545954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819371721971187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279737543574952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835772862045156,0.0,0.1103850704098152,0.15574087682147286,0.11827338410787665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810160458535244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043814919600904,0.10186168127117408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278288515950373,0.0747344067569633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554300444115804,0.0,0.0,0.09296170132474607,0.212402989818366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378372496957156,0.1976886958122927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950008155663871,0.0,0.0926137988431662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651114060049234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657416681120272,0.0,0.14175281690577532,0.0
bpd,shyfawns_,2019/03/25,"Does anyone else with only BPD experience auditory hallucinations? They’re not severe, and it’s not as though I’m hearing voices that are mean or telling me to do things, it’s mostly at night when it’s dark (but I’m not tired/on the verge of falling asleep) sometimes it seems mixed in with the white noise from my fan, it kind of just sounds like a distant conversation, as though I’m hearing my neighbours through my window, or faint music as though it’s coming from a house a few doors down (but it never is). Sometimes it’s the sound of someone either yelling or whispering my name. It also sometimes happens when there isn’t any white noise, and sometimes I’ll be in the other room and it sounds as though my boyfriend very clearly said something to me from another room, but I didn’t catch what it actually was, and when I ask he says he hadn’t said anything. I’ve been on 50mg of seroquel for about a month for sleep, but I’m not 100% sure if they’ve gotten worse since starting this or if I’m just paying more attention and thinking about noticing it more. Does anyone else experience this who just has BPD and no other diagnosis? Thanks so much xxxxx ",7.157159420289857,6.379432382608697,6.865869565217395,79.975615942029,64.30434782608695,9.405797101449275,33.07971014492754,8.344100000000001,2.3310579710144923,928,32,186,10,12,292,133,230,0.049,0.9,0.051,-0.2992,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,0,8,0,10,3,2,0,3,36,28,29,0,2,18,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,4,0,20,9,0,0,4,0,1,3,9,0,0,0,7,13,9,4,25,20,6,18,0,0,2,0,13,8,0,8,8,113,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.10409662799853238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530567755458669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254071802136683,0.11185504722664126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917529110851102,0.2185964414195624,0.0877820880673162,0.0,0.0997240579252799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686996702574693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188860939204152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866990296838469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822178218400506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869165743066345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432982745482367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404545251187505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230853357608994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108262612831236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211462289040218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161972402828136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514469016176536,0.0,0.07841630202664847,0.0,0.08227213602902157,0.0,0.0,0.10010458395234599,0.0,0.0,0.12144694657458313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112897475604189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029392792746829,0.08482997293837619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711031646055047,0.0,0.12050916328585524,0.0,0.08824030246097993,0.0,0.1067491845218559,0.0,0.09038296413540066,0.08212143042328962,0.4220059246149733,0.0,0.07550309480751037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053723629745588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323615839432783,0.09820938126185128,0.0,0.0,0.07086823465565846,0.06835120467587673,0.4192193719732213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801569302864641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870803122567843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jungle_rot,2019/03/25,"Divorce and Abandonment - Resources? I need help.  My wife walked out late October and I haven't seen her since then.  She's spread lies all over town that I am a nutcase and is pkaying victim. I should mention here that my wife has NPD, so it shouldn't be a surprise,  but it is.

Anyway, I had a few women contact me and told me she was getting back out there and on Tinder (we are in a small city and we ~~are~~ were a lesbian couple). We were married almost 2 years ago,  and I thought things were going well. Then she left me in a matter of minutes one night right before Halloween.



I am wondering if anyone has any online resouces or articles that they can direct me to. I am *highly* suicidal in this moment,  and googled ""bpd divorce coping skills"" and Jesus Christ! I should've known better. 



I am reaching out because the fear of dying and hurting those left behind is the only thing keeping me from hanging myself. 



Do you know of any good articles related specifically to divorce while being the person with BPD?







 Apologies for any autocorrect. I'm currently sitting in the dark in a public park and not giving a fuck about safety, much less editing lol",3.843843772326743,5.946461352941181,4.5372660157180285,83.24976184805908,73.47963800904978,6.462586330078591,27.921171707549416,7.273561745256523,1.661112217194571,913,36,162,10,19,292,150,221,0.10300000000000001,0.78,0.11699999999999999,0.5021,2,0,0,0,3,1,31.0,3,1,1,2,7,9,2,1,12,1,23,2,0,0,1,34,35,18,2,4,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,18,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,5,1,1,8,1,27,4,20,23,4,30,2,2,1,2,23,16,1,4,10,120,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396717165890118,0.0,0.15133435069459494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083197009820607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567325129715556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620924689275415,0.0,0.09212713258661588,0.0,0.1286000622865743,0.0,0.0,0.13366174990871496,0.0,0.0,0.3806845968602957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722190291766992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684854731308795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006268945575026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971677553102865,0.07895891935617957,0.14497717506865399,0.08589037028407491,0.12676024346702106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129890951227756,0.15967660067741485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178724164621958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343308320911077,0.0,0.0,0.08305681371787448,0.0,0.1704806441556385,0.0,0.32840525980780577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109756218042864,0.11206059970997304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182478582594069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240925170264284,0.11494078507464928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319604387762235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906375620299307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501587343594786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653111295497106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080743168936016,0.0,0.0,0.11997993140857027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441070141029294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588355880052422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638934819785451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732243470024844
bpd,jm1701,2019/03/25,"Anyone else have problems with alcohol? Quick backstory; grew up around alcohol, had alcoholic grandparents and an alcoholic stepdad. First drunk experience (blackout drunk) was when I was 13, but not my first overall experience with alcohol. 10+ years in therapy but never tried rehab as i’ve never been ready for it and continue to not be ready for it. 

I’ve always seen BPD sufferers come from broken homes with alcoholic parents which then lead to alcoholism in the patient, but i’ve never had that aside from a partner my mother dated for a few years (well over a decade ago and had no influence on me) who is now out of the picture. Does anyone else have problems with drinking? It’s at the point now where i’m broke and have panic attacks over not knowing where i’ll get my next drink from. Please don’t suggest rehab, this is a frequent topic i’ve been discussing with psychiatrists for years. I just want to know that there’s someone else that is struggling with it. ",8.915027322404367,7.934265202185795,8.331256830601095,71.54748633879784,60.91256830601093,11.630601092896175,38.366120218579226,10.746095033038511,4.1073562841530045,784,33,137,16,9,248,112,183,0.203,0.775,0.022000000000000002,-0.9888,2,0,9,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,1,2,8,0,15,13,0,2,3,30,22,10,0,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,1,1,10,13,11,0,2,4,0,3,8,7,1,2,8,1,6,1,27,13,1,33,0,2,1,0,6,12,0,0,18,93,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397514148420597,0.7086858139677814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882549450803172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247911587428185,0.1941304292241172,0.0,0.08433250763356973,0.0,0.1077725314221925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193129722989012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160414262117945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829015388651425,0.0,0.0,0.18560466634323305,0.0,0.0,0.2374119462864124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533422030758429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115978423062266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049494113686728965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950249828568114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412562416327503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919192705215196,0.0,0.10074968362518012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114883408190783,0.10518985180226263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398845165492687,0.08955336176840555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129348814748825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026701399258508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990355626634977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833550973937434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431752903819084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587601301069845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851763975782441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301495334281195
bpd,h0k5,2019/03/25,"One of my best friends who I've known for over 13 years since childhood started dating my ex gf of 5.5 years under a month after our break up... And you know what? I didn't go insane. Ofc I'm angry and I feel so betrayed, but I've tried to handle this well. Has anyone been in such a situstion?",0.865714285714283,2.6608205714285766,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,81.38095238095238,4.834920634920637,18.436507936507933,5.46131890053228,-0.4819396825396826,228,5,52,1,6,75,53,63,0.081,0.767,0.152,0.5413,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,6,3,9,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430332929361503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647596766146229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574492129427882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685364351676294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753550936883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101873644331407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774319295410641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355265628993692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28751854435697904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460161548415128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359813586090287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125126590295735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476552295197811
bpd,TOO-LATE-FOR-ME,2019/03/25,"Found out I have BPD, and EVERY family member & Friends have deserted me. Told me to change back. Never been so alone in my life.  Every day for the past year has been horrible.  I only learned of BPD about 6 months ago when 6 months previously, I was not able to financially help my mother and brothers and friends.  I was in their life daily, always giving time and money.  The moment I could no longer write checks, they dropped me, overnight.  We live close together, and they wont answer the phone, or their doors.  Was my mothers daily caregiver for years.  She encouraged me to spend a large amount of my savings on her, my brothers, even distant relatives.  Now to discover after their forced NC that my family of orgin are NPD, some to the point of sadism is devestating.  And the sad thing is, they really didn't need my help.  I was encouraged to help in order to receive attention, which I mistook for love.  I just learned a new term ""flying monkeys"".  And they have an army working every day.  Even to the point to preventing me from supporting myself.  Acquaintances I have know all my life wont even speak to me.  I really dont see a need to go on.  And its far worse than anyone could even imagine.",3.631,5.733778143478261,4.337608695652175,84.446847826087,74.08695652173913,7.9043478260869575,24.97826086956522,8.697196308434329,1.8210608695652168,943,31,181,19,20,301,138,230,0.077,0.804,0.11900000000000001,0.8802,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,7,1,10,8,0,0,10,0,20,4,0,0,2,31,30,11,0,4,3,4,0,0,2,2,3,1,1,0,4,11,0,1,7,0,3,2,7,1,0,0,9,2,35,7,28,17,4,31,0,1,1,1,28,10,0,2,17,120,39,3,0.11878824632659316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052986130958717,0.0,0.0,0.12302879853367593,0.0,0.0,0.09884133687173476,0.1287070152656586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305950379585159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134082906429493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992192757372941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566221385416484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968549760841785,0.0,0.0,0.15321718354844674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392189400060721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138340655203272,0.0,0.30025266247562593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396597350704364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024518080694147,0.1835510088898808,0.0,0.0,0.113952509978756,0.06751009786361373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886377269184456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528291360007417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517109540988152,0.0,0.0,0.10489219780794096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072110301125308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896312898238217,0.0,0.0,0.17615995898152992,0.09161681863016602,0.1147264285186386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034381413475988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339682228897305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245865770660125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219758468740496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465885275619726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347994942270116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891763256027769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926638170280867,0.0,0.0,0.11350725992352127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647925808694541,0.0,0.1210553713705961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299147201737304
bpd,IH8MyselfNIWantToDie,2019/06/29,Not really sure where to post this A friend with BPD gave me the number to a therapist who operates over the phone from her house due to being disabled. I called her Thursday night and left a voicemail with my name and call back number. She didn't get back to me the next day and I'm assuming I won't hear from her over the weekend... How long do you think I should wait before attempting to contact her again? I don't want to be annoying but at the same time I would REALLY like to speak to her.,5.033042071197414,4.796264553398057,5.539951456310681,85.91957119741105,68.51456310679612,9.585113268608417,26.875404530744337,9.2995712137729,1.807499676375404,391,10,87,7,6,126,69,103,0.046,0.857,0.09699999999999999,0.7108,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,0,8,0,8,0,0,1,1,17,15,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,15,3,15,8,1,17,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,1,12,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182847247414189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611092284414326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606636205051687,0.0,0.4226662938359995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347450858215307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989969365014878,0.0,0.10813002659054537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326320804281755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880840061908104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486673934395632,0.0,0.0,0.10111204283099527,0.0,0.0,0.18315642178308691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010831506819825,0.1942214760232425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821407953703424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26517257859812604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950609018892164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24030088621247156,0.0,0.13261402561180533,0.0,0.0,0.12068223739568867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207259252811943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702112260470326,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madsbinx,2019/06/29,"How to repair broken relationships Hi there,

So I am kinda new to this whole BPD thing (about 6 months in to knowing what it is). Although I can see a lot of similarities with my behaviour and the symptoms of BPD I am still adjusting and figuring out what my next steps are. 

I am at the point now where I know I have an illness that needs treatment and I genuinely do want to change not only my thinking patterns to be a more positive healthy person, but also my behavioural patterns to stop hurting my loved ones. 

Recently, I was in a 2 year relationship with a man that I love very much. The first year or so was amazing, but then we moved in together and I slowly got worse. The relationship became very toxic and I was emotionally abusing him with lies, manipulative tactics, disrespect, self harm, etc. all because I was scared he would leave me. 

There were a few instances where I broke up with him (lasting no more than 2 weeks each time) but eventually he became exhausted and frustrated and broke up with me. He accused me of being a terrible girlfriend and said he was filled with anger, which I understand. It has been 10 weeks since he broke up with me, and I was originally begging and calling him but he threatened to block me so I backed off.  

Since then, he has met my dad for drinks to discuss my condition and when I ran into him on the street (accidentally) he was very friendly and we spoke for 30 mins or so. 

I guess my question is for those who have BPD ex’s, or are friends of those with BPD... 

I am being completely accountable for my behaviour and am going to a mental facility for 2 months where I will receive extensive DBT therapy and further treatment. 

Is there anything I can do after my treatment to try to repair the relationship I have lost or is it better to leave him alone? I really love him and can’t imagine my life without him, but I understand the impact my actions have had and don’t want to cause more damage than necessary.",5.7780760773966575,6.434535667546173,6.416243403693932,77.18798867634129,66.99472295514512,9.693975373790678,32.942062445030786,9.725611199111238,3.0782954265611266,1554,65,295,32,24,509,199,379,0.204,0.695,0.10099999999999999,-0.9922,0,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,0,3,17,19,2,1,15,0,38,8,0,4,1,63,58,35,0,4,11,2,0,0,3,2,4,2,0,3,13,29,1,2,9,1,1,7,5,12,0,2,16,3,50,7,46,37,10,46,0,6,1,3,41,17,0,8,22,220,63,0,0.0,0.10622452029844233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285379827467426,0.0,0.07169572512787697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377704084465125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893786672114821,0.0,0.05465182984551012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929107319167188,0.0,0.0,0.4516608566505638,0.0,0.0915460603887286,0.0,0.0,0.0920986525910666,0.09484132166640424,0.0,0.09399979703578497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782611918018858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084791449722083,0.0,0.0,0.09998714711889088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625906554912533,0.0,0.0,0.1385318604725604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050952046051361305,0.0,0.07170394750509053,0.0,0.09876323616112703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597572998715226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854223665437203,0.07307941913598684,0.0,0.18985983534369727,0.0,0.0,0.0633247890845644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786718599960616,0.07622004398883506,0.242746856383322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034945674220753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143120844401709,0.0952872875561586,0.06590550355865363,0.06647679848254609,0.0,0.08658773211970842,0.0953473196096071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075140777226318,0.06818538742973625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828181822066994,0.0,0.0,0.08475136297612038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043223304477084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057434210505553515,0.0,0.08852183457435246,0.3850164421002132,0.0,0.0,0.08528083476751433,0.0,0.08975861035672329,0.0,0.07144208610905159,0.0,0.09352796218049572,0.0,0.0,0.1483243003701571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159725468005736,0.07495418733170668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318412389298003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252638123032476,0.0,0.05956168004080033,0.05744622542227764,0.0,0.0,0.05227757005274412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086871717155334,0.0,0.0,0.1866645293577289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192012707302405,0.10575969828078167,0.0,0.1438289660124967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009472660566564,0.0,0.08642259819805002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136438921033864,0.06368714404092603,0.0,0.0,0.11546759335829937
bpd,zacharyoinlow,2019/06/29,"Struggling today Councilor and I think I have bpd, seeing a mental health professional al and will be working on a diagnosis. Been working hard on dealing with validation seeking and fear of abandonment. Things have been going well last few days, at a new job where I'm the only in shape younger twenties Male that is over 20. So most of the girls and a few guys are gooeying at me *crushin* so I dont feel as anxious or unwanted. But I'm so used to isolating and feeling dejected and lost that I'm not used to feeling good and fairly accepted, honestly not used to social situations were people arnt looking down on me, I'm really scared that I'm Bout to blow it up. Do something wrong that will put me back in a cycle of suicidal idealization. I'm working so hard to change so I can feel lovable, maybe that's what i need to reflect on....",3.4236919104991443,5.329549596385547,4.815008605851983,81.66024096385546,74.12048192771084,7.8753872633390705,29.929432013769365,8.634040054169528,2.445405851979346,667,30,128,13,14,222,105,166,0.16899999999999998,0.71,0.121,-0.8587,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,5,8,11,0,3,7,0,13,1,0,3,0,27,32,15,1,3,4,0,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,7,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,4,8,8,5,22,25,3,20,0,2,2,0,5,13,0,2,5,80,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586248612318055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796766259490786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684318248281192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853659251095122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055370608392704,0.14475793844665485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645610587880243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800180765379265,0.28398479379486924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979900710948427,0.11777038026695147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902931389867856,0.0,0.0,0.25156198354261555,0.0,0.0,0.14925070122086975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933660101027615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445399231487365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791017215815645,0.0,0.15327557726524582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410620756294663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150161769051928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411323834526796,0.0,0.13561015869803575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678916035645812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734355202296532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115219061266926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995110751470656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057625828751627,0.0,0.11188966840675632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782824262733489,0.0,0.1431316909221875,0.0,0.10809551862999843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678843165949831,0.0,0.15358722937838032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328306314210646,0.08996992478504978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309354380587446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638109774511986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624666815292035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066634095914648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351777124369445,0.0,0.0
bpd,neskelv,2019/06/29,"I feel horrible Tw: killed an insect??
I killed an insect because my OCD told me it might be a baby cockroach (it wasn’t, it was a beetle) and I’m honestly feeling like crying now.  
I hate myself. I googled nociception and pain in insects and it’s likely they don’t feel pain like we do but I still can’t get the memory out of my head.  
I honestly wouldn’t have killed it if not for my OCD feeding me bullshit. I feel horrible after killing a fucking tick (but I understand that’s the best course of action), ffs.  
DAE has experiences similar to mine?",2.3659459459459447,4.311476450450453,4.366027027027027,83.53066216216217,77.2882882882883,7.6832432432432425,26.41531531531532,8.548686976883017,2.0027218018018016,430,17,86,9,10,147,72,111,0.327,0.551,0.122,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,1,2,14,6,0,7,0,10,5,1,0,0,16,20,6,4,2,4,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,3,4,17,6,7,14,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,6,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947246985103142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307290128779575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068933344081386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200187371726648,0.0,0.0,0.3142807282651752,0.11101111205798588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365615283387906,0.08118520158740852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341609714691914,0.15947563803661596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.687666928762434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774806884769955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484492443362056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33069321684556746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240951745422992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848242606370138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617671477420183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,airpressure,2019/06/29,"Blocked Ha.  I got pretty drunk last night with my housemates. I remember going for a walk in the park with them, but I don’t remember getting home or what happened within the walk.  All I know is that eventually I was in my room bawling my eyes out with my housemate there comforting me. I think I spoke of wanting to die etc. he was kind to me, but I know he’s sick of my shit as well. 

I woke up at 6am and realised I had sent my friend a text message basically being really overdramatic and insinuating I was going to off myself, I don’t remember even writing it, but I was SUPER embarrassed. I then went on Snapchat and now he’s blocked me. I feel like a dick and I feel sad, but also I totally understand why lol, I would’ve done the same thing, too tbh so I get that. 

I’m worried because this will haunt me forever, I’m super embarrassed of my infantile behaviour, and I can usually control it to a certain degree, but this time I don’t even remember it happening. Ugh.",2.156722501395869,4.067312949748748,4.435234505862645,82.95531965382467,77.79396984924621,8.241317699609157,28.140982691233944,8.998388855275968,2.45710697934115,763,34,157,19,18,265,121,199,0.201,0.62,0.179,-0.6193,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,3,8,14,1,2,7,2,13,5,3,1,3,34,33,15,1,1,6,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,9,9,1,3,10,1,0,6,3,5,1,0,11,4,34,9,20,20,4,21,0,1,1,1,9,9,2,1,7,107,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129327520138214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483603629654199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608969362420472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443528935845934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241804699895655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521004998632787,0.18383941940305745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073589934680494,0.09942225079602993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752150455437257,0.0,0.14541995523715542,0.0,0.15818572371374987,0.0,0.1113060387976552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461331003416693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395976988386216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492293636469447,0.15296711545038125,0.1134411834311184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799086805970662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306005336350474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158474763990747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915512583724891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6306046889261974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285481965600152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245759682901963,0.08917377659266168,0.0,0.0,0.08115047278428815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487967587392864,0.0,0.0,0.15327482132737566,0.0,0.08208539062115988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512950531339254,0.12901091374471946,0.1255782364359328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133271768568914,0.0,0.09886155465886884,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PTSD_zoo,2019/06/29,"What does a person with BPD experience during the “discard stage”? I don’t have BPD, but I want to be clear don’t have hate. I understand almost every single person with BPD has had a very rough upbringing. So I have a lot of sympathy. And while I have had many bad and hurtful experiences with people who have the PD, I have had a lot of really enjoyable times too. So the question is, what does a person who has borderline think and feel about themselves and they other person during the notorious discard stage? How do you get to a point where you feel so strongly that you basically abandon them? Also do you ever think about the people you left behind without a trace?",6.12970930232558,6.704174248062018,6.797974806201553,75.04486918604654,66.20930232558139,9.550775193798447,29.30329457364341,9.516144504307137,2.5968364341085266,534,17,96,10,8,176,73,129,0.187,0.703,0.11,-0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,2,1,10,6,1,0,12,0,17,0,0,1,2,23,25,11,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,3,13,2,11,21,3,8,0,2,0,0,14,3,0,4,3,76,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471166139326685,0.0,0.0,0.10758303273399286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232634634112272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083048323909851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354549942942461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216894539426629,0.11334673758608453,0.0,0.0,0.2631909394108917,0.0,0.0,0.1360441126283541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028600684159028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281983222113275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401639822263154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461664782514477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287440003657589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639159515381874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653135582494848,0.4698631834514342,0.0,0.0,0.12717367236397828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507036046560944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861829145022132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172401886975161,0.0,0.0,0.07844511677937076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004974589732966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110007616802149,0.0793488667684493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968144466513531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,discocutie,2019/06/29,"I'm either a toddler throwing a tantrum or a depressed slob, I just want an in between state I get such bursts of emotion is feels like I'm on fire, I can't breath, that I puke and feel actual physical pain. I just want to do anything to relieve the crushing feelings in my chest and nothing short of a melt down helps me get over the intense burst of emotion. I find it so hard to regulate how I feel. I turn into a child ripping out my hair and sobbing, completely incapable of being a person, then I go emotionally dead and flat for a few days after each break down. The type of non caring flat that makes me skip out on everything important, not eat and just lay there for days in my own filth. Why can I feel everything or nothing at all? I love the good highs but fuck, can I just feel stable or normal? I'm too fucked to maintain a job lately and I keep screwing up, so no insurance. No therapy. All people ever say is ""Go to therapy"" but what help is that when you're too mentally fucked to have enough money or insurance to get there? Go to therapy is how people feel better about themselves and cart you off so they don't have to deal with you. I just want people to care about me, to love me, to give me attention and make me feel worthwhile.",4.189647058823532,4.846843337254903,5.160392156862748,84.78176470588238,70.52941176470588,8.509803921568627,28.72549019607843,8.671277953709913,1.9984901960784311,981,35,205,16,17,322,142,255,0.18100000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.126,-0.9655,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,1,1,19,16,5,0,13,0,12,11,3,4,3,48,44,21,1,4,13,0,11,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,13,1,1,10,0,1,4,5,8,0,0,0,12,26,8,38,43,7,29,0,2,0,6,12,16,5,4,8,136,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.09637472576907072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127040066123263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734448025253752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138315757213224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354713444333867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738301813432726,0.10181639104393894,0.08506114785217625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105530926438258,0.0,0.3332723970711981,0.0,0.10204464592693237,0.0,0.0,0.0893333437551878,0.0,0.0,0.17751678851505728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994849211838709,0.07055358690909012,0.0,0.0,0.0902641128405494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27390384645538285,0.15479280595632525,0.0947388165537333,0.1683813751417459,0.08283452513433068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846883826548363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323924100580972,0.1043445092121409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800325983796444,0.08778170807206884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140467087301807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824875297297677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782680542317391,0.0,0.13184505584393816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952603770629888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096763040162154,0.1895242176530484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508674394133284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540156756989145,0.08623271763745273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853727383992648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388192309778251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742164210629516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475219163076547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911481028979729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonprogrammer311,2019/06/29,"I really need to sleep, I have to be up for work in less than 7 hours... ...but here I am still whiling away the time, unable to drag myself to bed. Whyyy am I like this lol, I can't be the only one",-1.7533333333333303,-0.14209299999999914,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,90.11111111111113,4.488888888888889,11.222222222222221,5.6839178017228535,-1.6313111111111112,145,1,41,1,5,50,35,45,0.045,0.821,0.135,0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,1,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,9,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657607314496213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833826752562438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019261026102485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886614642662633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638001637275399,0.2960806510890848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24939593485180864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895817511746151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108959643839689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700431224390846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834154754844727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spinningmystery,2019/06/29,"Breakup lead to loss of self So I’m a gay (17) and was dating a guy who was 10 years older than me and in the closet bi.  My mood swings had been under control and we were seeing each other for about two months until I lost control. I was constantly checking when he was online and if he’d take time to reply my thoughts would always go to ‘he’s with someone else’ and if just become really paranoid. About 3 weeks later he ended it but said it was because he needs to work on coming out and mentioned the age gap (which wasn’t a problem at the beginning). When he ended it, it was as if a part of me went with him. I don’t feel as if I could give myself to someone that way again. I feel as if it’s all my fault that it ended and if it wasn’t for the constant fucking mood swings we’d be fine. It sounds stupid but my heart honestly hurts and I just don’t know who I am atm or what I’m supposed to do without someone to give my love to. Idek if any of that made sense but I just need some advice",4.411390168970812,3.5354048202765007,5.437615207373273,88.28594662058373,69.92165898617512,7.970660522273426,26.839093701996934,6.42735559955562,0.9133259600614436,774,19,181,4,12,257,125,217,0.096,0.8490000000000001,0.055,-0.778,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,6,9,12,2,0,8,0,20,5,1,4,1,44,41,26,0,12,15,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,16,14,0,2,4,0,2,4,5,7,0,1,16,5,20,3,28,20,4,28,0,3,1,4,18,5,1,9,18,121,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990821469168826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061739827184164,0.0,0.0,0.09040430519131733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103947997062283,0.14682267296219176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145167309294762,0.0,0.28732356124009983,0.29820883087615435,0.10614241419342386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105498282742038,0.0,0.3532382792405472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443772946200078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290163076074866,0.0,0.2550578650459491,0.07555332231535103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163229650034747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753549236654674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231587981493196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306078896339485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512059124124418,0.0,0.11998426561633857,0.1257918027528803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611208111473493,0.0,0.0,0.1971478427846276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439619353262572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127206395010048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851652829383849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645714737377176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059366085757811,0.0,0.13868625148041838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379209344765191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999549396299125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055401484369448,0.07751885166842659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129863848075728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552222202302314,0.10663709379277712,0.0,0.0,0.12323745682626965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815019067939654,0.0,0.0967824883476723,0.0,0.0,0.09443733262875932,0.0,0.0,0.08560951889138509
bpd,sugartea63,2019/06/29,"How to Deal with Intense Anger? Hi there,

I'm not someone who gets angry easily.. If someone hurts me, 9 times out of 10 I take the blame myself and direct the anger towards myself. But over the last couple of months an asshole has been stalking, manipulating, and essentially sexually exploiting, my best friend in the world. The friend I love more than life itself. I would easily die for her. And yet again this douchebag has crossed a boundary. My best friend will be contacting the police but in the meantime I have been told not to contact the asshole so I don't make matters worse for anyone. And I respect that. Problem is...im not used to this sort of anger. I would be lying if I said I don't have thoughts of killing the abuser. I want him to suffer. I want to cut his neck and ruin anything and everything he holds dear to him. I'm scaring myself and exhausted and I don't know how to handle these extreme emotions when I'm not allowed to deal with them how I normally would (not that my normal response, though rare, is healthy anyway). Does anyone know any tips for getting rid of intense hatred and anger that's well deserved?

Thanks.",4.060382101558574,5.947312144796378,4.41552790346908,85.27350804424334,72.34841628959276,6.721065862242331,28.114881850175966,7.3871296695380915,1.5773014580191052,908,35,171,10,18,285,132,221,0.275,0.573,0.152,-0.9912,1,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,11,22,6,1,11,0,16,4,1,7,0,42,33,19,2,10,9,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,0,8,12,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,12,1,0,5,1,25,10,24,22,3,13,0,3,0,1,18,6,0,3,6,116,33,0,0.0,0.1599265929947409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917895163592958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887591989312017,0.0,0.11107520891004613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283301697180514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493503419788324,0.0,0.0,0.2783123206889069,0.0,0.0,0.14008562138911926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181199614979164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518318306437386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130932177596697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128504850530863,0.0,0.14104063406012562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444965010329496,0.0,0.1457991605321735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493329106758594,0.0,0.14836051158374866,0.1100249027966138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533879505364497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218227128491526,0.0,0.0900987136920066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773797315058996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26449912424042976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915550261762604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839477470736113,0.0,0.13513630097799292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287324634052937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148648946459084,0.0,0.0,0.124269401432114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326149797363995,0.10715727709000594,0.07870662672883695,0.0,0.0,0.12897704944578342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165774608668016,0.0,0.0,0.15922677904006682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136123092768987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755388535907742,0.2876530184014389,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwme5689,2019/06/29,"There's a new girl in my friend group I've always had trouble being friends with other women. Drama always goes down and it never ends well. So I've had a group of about 4 guys I've been friends with for about 2 years that's the most stable friend group I've ever had. But recently another woman was added into the group and I'm scared of it happening again. 

I especially have trouble when I see them as better than me in a specific aspect. And this girl is a chef. I've always prided myself on my cooking and make sure to feed my friends when I can but I've heard she's been feeding a couple of my friends on the nights they come round mine before they do. I really like her so far but I'm scared her cooking will cause me to split and/or cause drama with her to remove her from my group.",2.74479610750695,4.090954656626511,3.8912048192771103,89.90796570898983,74.72289156626506,6.553475440222428,21.202965708989808,7.010146845296331,0.3939310472659869,627,14,135,6,13,204,96,166,0.067,0.789,0.14400000000000002,0.8917,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,2,10,15,0,2,8,0,12,4,0,3,3,19,19,12,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,1,0,1,0,5,5,9,4,0,0,4,0,2,1,4,1,0,7,3,21,11,21,10,1,19,0,0,2,0,25,7,0,1,11,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491606741774116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667073802543198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190230018527722,0.0,0.0,0.1237077371827262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28737953595551885,0.0,0.12048960230067628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547686098039456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388739892013335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265246044050946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6484007201673334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849786774841633,0.1236906671057698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833567541896142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336739694383787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787993219345107,0.1350917824307901,0.0,0.13126285824429382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960726513744105,0.0,0.13810931553398312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800777977378294,0.0,0.11146196483934737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183017675462552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257640842726446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900746711913007
bpd,Nyx13Love,2019/06/29,does anyone else have the urge to move to another state leaving everything behind at times? family friends and everything.,7.355499999999997,10.933715550000002,6.599999999999998,65.555,68.5,12.0,35.0,11.20814326018867,5.783999999999999,101,5,13,4,2,31,18,20,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104383381681534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700777754643326,0.3033422169419916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590787718109148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473150530903874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321483294842926,0.0,0.27909327833013153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873051655888635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313478343998352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146584537285176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263141578865895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Licht_3,2019/06/29,"Not planning for the future because you feel like you'll die soon Anyone?

I'm 23 now and ever since I was 18, each year, I thought I'd be dead by the end of the year. So I've avoided travelling with friends who wanted to book trips ahead of time, long term commitments like student organizations in college, and I've always been late with registering for classes and applying for financial aid because unexpectedly I've remained alive. I've avoided nearly everything and only lived--merely existed, honestly--in the moment. Even now, I'm not that worried about what my life will be like next year, at 25, 30,... because I don't feel like I'll be here much longer anyway.",11.01953125,7.573446265625003,10.434625,65.847875,59.0,13.365000000000002,43.56875,11.20814326018867,4.769538749999999,534,23,97,10,5,174,88,128,0.10099999999999999,0.7559999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.3677,0,2,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,0,2,9,7,0,2,4,0,8,1,0,0,2,17,14,5,2,1,2,0,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,3,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,2,6,5,14,6,3,21,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,20,50,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586719239516152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333370398141899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34873420647745523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790931708037646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889747380339878,0.0,0.0,0.1259509850678368,0.1724928139929008,0.0,0.0,0.17138265005426198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284030829400256,0.27246235798791324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732900548285674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511010741410755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469216635675646,0.3726520388519004,0.0,0.0,0.16875738066228455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401813598983113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280426070394014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503068513219192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774329160044873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138900994105145,0.11119467216650478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112475723019405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365808565571413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36840028648168094
bpd,alex_244,2019/06/29,"How do I explain what's going on to a loved one? I cant keep having these shifts on them without them knowing what's going on. I would also like to confide in someone, be able to open up when it gets really bad. This is such a touchy subject especially for the other person since they could be new to the whole mental illness ""thing"". Any advice?",3.8717142857142814,4.93323988571429,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,71.57142857142857,6.742857142857144,25.42857142857143,6.742157984588678,1.0250857142857148,272,8,53,2,5,90,56,70,0.096,0.8140000000000001,0.09,-0.1162,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,0,8,15,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,11,11,1,10,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,42,13,0,0.2484058563484649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427393278823773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865007357530334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892450051673086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074085141314168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983318633257539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297818073684451,0.0,0.28234954535607715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079453868217944,0.0,0.0,0.1365173622747459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135855394739725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419598376663796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25033467751830635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399119239762137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683262370558117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168984123029413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913515237230594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548389132674086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047347597658195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502981316208393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773362675285093,0.0,0.23945438113626466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646039323775134,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,malvikki,2019/06/29,"Joy Hi friends!

I'm looking for ....more joy. I suppose.

I'm writing this because I feel weighed down. All the time. Very few things in life bring me joy. And even those few aren't very reliable or consistent. Things I do for relaxation or enjoyment fail to provide those feelings to me. I have the tools to deal with my anxiety and feelings of panic for the most part, but it's not easy. The fight takes its toll, obviously.

I feel like a normal persons life there would be ''a healthy mix'' of distressing events, neutral events and joyful events. I feel like I regularly only experience the distressing and neutral ones. And even the neutral events aren't truly neutral. They're grey. They're blank. Sometimes they add to the feelings of distress.

Some context:

Im 22F, diagnosed with BPD and MDD. Dissociative traits. CPTSD traits, dr hasn't yet looked into whether I'd qualify for that diagnosis too.

Sertralin 200mg daily

Quietapine 25mg daily

Quietapine depot 50mg daily

So my question is: If you have struggled with finding joyful or relaxing activities, what has helped you?

A random example: A while ago I attended a music festival with my friends. The music was good, the weather was wonderful, people got along well with each other, nothing was wrong. Yet I didn't enjoy my time. Again, nothing was wrong. I felt weighed down before this event, I felt weighed down during it, and continue to feel weighed down.

I intend to apply to a university in the near future. (I'm not from The States, btw.) It won't be easy to get in, and I'll have to do a lot of studying alongside my current schoolwork but I'm motivated. I have a lot of catching up to do since my studying techniques are not great and neither are my grades (about average, perhaps slightly below). I'm worried I won't be able to complete everything I should because nothing I do seems to relax/reset me, and I constantly feel empty (which yes, I recognize is one of the key traits of BPD.. 😔  ).   I will have to make it through a lot, and I need a counterforce.

​

Thank you for reading",3.990254045062757,6.2057514164524425,4.7065061243006205,81.69727014970512,73.39588688946016,7.661303493119612,31.492590352336308,8.4952907291091,2.6595071223347952,1627,78,294,30,34,522,205,389,0.1,0.71,0.19,0.9907,1,0,0,0,1,0,69.0,0,3,1,2,10,27,1,5,22,1,30,8,0,3,2,60,56,20,0,5,10,0,10,2,2,5,4,0,0,1,15,20,4,0,15,3,0,3,10,9,1,2,8,13,34,18,45,40,12,31,0,1,3,0,13,11,0,13,18,191,49,5,0.09862219921467864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742262908081658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685711164518467,0.11983676678346647,0.0,0.0,0.07544571245839927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023835452621945,0.0,0.08392022766349194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24842241495427264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340349951072976,0.1065755611729203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016751569040982,0.0,0.10009945622191427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302780649063644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863527345803772,0.09647143494827948,0.0,0.0,0.398930777507747,0.14091143764922714,0.1893855545444131,0.0,0.09013890339043226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239053294063595,0.0,0.051526028608507635,0.0,0.0,0.08271962160272332,0.07887718202133355,0.10873132280113157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610438126686119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065288988062066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931955182052252,0.09636364987318062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563561740951038,0.0,0.0,0.25153520102730376,0.0,0.0,0.06583108378972549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312711108033547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662881575481097,0.2838919800057175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336579091008864,0.07500662658926319,0.0,0.11571190143853953,0.0,0.10679823108634244,0.0,0.06837221524251377,0.08611310031870098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047943387104292,0.0,0.09864888778241104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978194617428265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158130232406836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753987678642136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031013357943471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415162012530814,0.0,0.0,0.09079807072653373,0.0,0.0,0.1310404138556278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150147949215926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274728580871772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867320114397789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695156810696056,0.0,0.10015563053797844,0.0,0.07005838071297786,0.21565578573809524,0.11983676678346647,0.0
bpd,-worldmachine,2019/06/29,"Sex and Abandoment I'm in love with a guy,but i don't want to have sex with him,because i think i will feel empty and useless after it,and he will abandon me.I struggle with this all the day.
It is something that i feel in every sexual situation with anyone actually,but it hurts more when it envolves an important person to you.

Do you guys experience a similar situation?",4.784399999999998,5.589318640000003,6.9373333333333385,72.04200000000003,69.26666666666667,10.266666666666666,32.33333333333333,10.355215969177356,3.5035333333333334,298,13,56,8,5,106,52,75,0.191,0.7290000000000001,0.081,-0.7288,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,12,12,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,9,10,2,5,0,3,0,3,6,2,0,0,3,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431457669544694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325130160486108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155289585590467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799415632445846,0.0,0.0,0.2298710536830604,0.0,0.0,0.2376419460886847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653657159139555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515679398475945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120929481269447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518933005181664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282904091380205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809113020977717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456687070932832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057586520506228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860665305156306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DevHoward,2019/06/29,Shame spiral I cannot escape this. I feel so much shame so I self harm. Self harming brings me shame. I relapsed after two years last night and I already know I'm going to do it again. I will not bring this up to my care team because I'm not going back to the hospital. I have too many things in the works and to be honest I just can't afford it. Fuck this.,-1.1580069930069892,0.9076401923076958,0.9421212121212116,100.9377272727273,95.79487179487178,3.3491841491841488,13.501165501165502,4.851557810540192,-1.3768358974358974,277,5,66,1,11,91,53,78,0.22,0.67,0.11,-0.8557,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,1,3,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,16,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,6,0,1,0,1,10,2,7,14,1,12,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,6,43,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782267106149676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193868913182666,0.0,0.15369333806702634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570587060630101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274822062694433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23308592173034665,0.0,0.0,0.2865774141914451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856155717762822,0.2055158976883165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556156401169196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534122036812128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23660266136836897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5260436750520959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675009501461887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462899356242552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355033504631355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236052765268014
bpd,LuckyPeaceful,2019/06/29,"BPD casual support meet up in London! Late July/August :) (Reposting for visibility after removal) 

Hey!

I'm hoping to arrange a pretty chilled out meet up in London towards the end of July, or some time in August (so people have plenty of notice!). This would be a social/mutual support group, rather than a therapeutic group, but I thought we could go on outings if it turns into a more regular thing! I thought the initial meeting could be in a cafe somewhere in Central London.

I would say that this is 18+ (I am 23) - not to exclude younger people with BPD, but I think it would be inappropriate for a minor to be meeting up with random adults and I personally would not feel comfortable with having that responsibility. I'm also aware that some of us can have problems with alcohol or other substances so it would be a drug- and alcohol-free thing (i.e., no meet-ups in pubs, bars, clubs). I think it's really important to be able to foster really healthy, supportive relationships outside of those environments.

As a little introduction to myself - I'm a young(ish :P) woman living in North London and I'll be beginning a degree in Korean this Autumn, having screwed university up a few times so far. I was introduced to art therapy at the start of this year and have since been drawing and painting regularly. I also love going to art galleries etc. I love gaming, K-pop (no surprises), cooking, and reading! Also, dogs!!!

I posted about this around a month ago and then realised it had been at like 3am UK time so hardly anyone saw it lmao. I have PMed the people who expressed interest last time - you can comment here or PM me if you'd like to join!",5.0530894648829445,6.611689958333336,6.379280936454853,73.48745819397995,69.28846153846153,8.887625418060201,30.231884057971016,9.318704503766252,2.8815979375696767,1305,52,224,27,23,441,183,312,0.044000000000000004,0.789,0.16699999999999998,0.99,0,0,3,0,0,0,58.0,2,2,0,0,11,14,1,0,16,0,29,7,0,0,0,42,49,23,0,12,10,0,2,2,0,5,2,1,0,3,19,15,3,0,5,9,0,3,4,2,0,0,7,4,18,12,43,27,5,42,0,0,1,3,22,22,1,9,18,157,37,1,0.1034740498808069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172350195242167,0.22116458170916184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24824448091661025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235146156815486,0.0,0.0,0.0921138421664368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606438870880809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523121813950953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999704702509813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164729546924127,0.0,0.11540091774691097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052319588667063835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761337421535566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926924243185173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277307904281907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434516115032444,0.11672323527792293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110438819123424,0.10370818158883847,0.09136948177722652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677873982812024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259199941484074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780589161068356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520763276830732,0.09034954917575988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909953691657217,0.10527030832120332,0.0,0.09901069126025247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350205142823517,0.0,0.13257625191624073,0.0,0.0,0.1110924054898364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228671760947373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559480333273102,0.0,0.0,0.10547876305911506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323946508364708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35226337674531544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833159389156887,0.0,0.13748712184143516,0.1326039861292185,0.0,0.16429367488365887,0.2413462024070608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255005294890863,0.0,0.0,0.12446654158288464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675249810989958,0.0,0.0,0.06663389559325332
bpd,screechingturtles,2019/06/29,"My son asked me if I had a mom today. My son asked me if I had a mom today, and my mom died 4 years ago in August from mucinous ovarian cancer 😭 it was a really traumatic experience for me, especially considering that I was always very close to my mom. My son was 7 months old whenever she went into cardiac arrest on our living room couch at 5 in the morning. 
Today we were riding out to my grandmas whenever he asked me out of nowhere- his great grandma. 
I really didn’t know what to say to him or how to respond, but I know that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Since then I’ve just been trying to mellow out the emotional rollercoaster that it put me back on. How the heck do we cope with things like this? It’s god awful.",4.552997076023393,4.34202590789474,6.290087719298249,80.04672514619887,69.52631578947367,9.913450292397664,27.41520467836257,9.725611199111238,2.217111695906433,566,16,122,12,9,197,98,152,0.10099999999999999,0.8270000000000001,0.073,-0.5095,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,7,1,9,1,0,2,0,18,16,8,1,2,5,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,10,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,1,23,3,20,6,1,24,0,0,0,0,19,11,1,3,12,80,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846605473619758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120130531429524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748132241909292,0.0,0.0,0.10276286968498224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869986475937338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503298780248001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130728055347059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734138030315233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689289798799932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305819962232296,0.0,0.11800881779517733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6260821452016605,0.10667220630679587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023537239532016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434767245172927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712296759490944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062779177079662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110550496229518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878617014665617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800325255540155,0.0,0.0,0.09073451715432186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026909778107907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388798034299613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606141887965726
bpd,ooosh123,2019/06/29,"Recently sectioned and mum wont let me see my 3 kids Hi guys, ive recently been diagnosed with bpd following a suicide attempt and being committed/sectioned. Me and my partner have 3 children together and now she is ignoring me and refusing to let me go round and see the kids. We got drunk for 4 nights in a row after getting the kids looked after for the first time. Following an argument we returned home and she then left to go to back to her friends. (Where her ex also was) i was upset and wanted to talk to her and she left. I then got really upset and smashed her kitchen and bedroom up. The kids were asleep and when they woke up i stopped. Realizing what I'd done after that i took an overdose and ended up being sectioned. Since coming out of hospital she's been horrible and is now refusing to even speak to me. What am i supposed to do. I realise I've done some awful stuff, and i dont deserve to get back with her but ive never been violent and never give her reasons to not allow me access to my children. Sorry for the long as story i just wondered if anyone had been through anything similar and if they managed to resolve it. Cheers :)",3.2238824333561165,4.954113493506494,4.731665527455,82.79343814080659,74.23809523809524,7.806880838459786,29.90681248575985,8.532816995589336,2.4065878787878785,911,41,175,17,19,305,130,231,0.10400000000000001,0.82,0.076,0.3226,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,0,2,3,9,7,1,2,9,1,23,4,1,2,2,41,40,25,1,3,5,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,3,8,5,23,2,4,4,1,0,6,5,4,0,1,14,5,33,3,29,21,3,37,0,0,4,0,31,10,0,4,21,135,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889599765608386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521401515452008,0.0,0.11205723148154798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094143760870523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150276219202612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729936482332698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821082319917147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27870067232938817,0.15959154169900575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060719701507555,0.0,0.0,0.08993974230781979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582708743765514,0.0,0.0,0.10520547164008842,0.0,0.14228758274926245,0.13062774897717092,0.15477837423320354,0.0,0.21781697264430785,0.0,0.0,0.1348308203037632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659073882063674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959006465717233,0.2784883977502998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050715856754675,0.11434944752606795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004712907753315,0.0,0.0,0.12778737420451802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723470808666027,0.14000659344284322,0.26890511179369603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170215093745407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126421598821982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243242341085778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138451559479875,0.0,0.0,0.15588335687901006,0.14894910680751108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094491903861266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940247672752643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512911277469939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803172562628433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767177393786035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Marionette96,2019/06/29,Can you explain what do we call an episode and splitting? I've looked them up but I have problems understanding what they write about them in English. And in my native language I can't find anything.,3.275526315789474,5.996745763157897,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,78.21052631578947,4.852631578947369,30.552631578947373,5.985473137389443,1.3715578947368423,161,8,30,1,4,48,32,38,0.09699999999999999,0.903,0.0,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,0,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35881667191441285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452367882947004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985247802303835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661565403149534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172231415402573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539240420989746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwwwaway652884,2019/06/29,"Finally had the courage to leave my boyfriend of 5 years. I'm afraid I'll go back. I'm so overwhelmed right now. I finally broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. We just simply weren't compatible at all; we had entirely different communication styles and his often left me feeling neglected and abandoned, exacerbating my whole fear of abandonment issue.

I'm so terrified of being alone, and most of all watching him go through this heartbreak is killing me. I take on everyone's emotions x1000 it feels like. I'm terrified that I may slip back into the relationship because it seems like these feelings are closing in on me and I'm going to crumble. I don't know what to do.",3.8073255813953466,6.2425416124031035,4.793197674418604,79.84468023255816,74.73643410852712,8.331007751937985,32.45542635658914,9.075114841892004,3.1527100775193797,544,28,100,13,12,177,86,129,0.258,0.665,0.077,-0.9829,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,0,0,7,12,1,3,2,0,9,0,0,0,2,23,23,6,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,9,0,0,3,4,14,3,16,18,4,19,0,6,1,0,5,9,0,4,9,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862664627594603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765813100363758,0.0,0.10963259681140687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790103935949046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230280999920375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185078660819178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237701687107976,0.2728069836274504,0.12848218765788824,0.0,0.3940255236687781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066322831599047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877127459234862,0.0,0.0,0.19897321481931501,0.0,0.0988387884775514,0.0,0.0,0.19043119725135504,0.19540346273886475,0.0,0.0,0.17572757404158007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930875529778936,0.0,0.15358770374694253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372525962540802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522198809428632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007919009469081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316301602932315
bpd,thedarkestone_,2019/06/29,"My successor at my old job is doing much better than I did, and it's making me feel awful about myself I left my job a few months ago. My contract was only a year long, and I knew I wouldn't be returning to the position the next year, so I left on good terms. Someone else, of course, is now doing the job I once had. I'm having a hard time not comparing myself to them. I believe they are doing a better job in the position than I ever did, so I'm feeling pretty down about it. Of course I want them/the organization to succeed, but it's bringing up a lot of insecurity. What if people are realising that I wasn't doing as good a job as they thought, now that they're seeing how much better the job can be done? Every time I see the work this person is doing, I feel like complete crap. I'm so disappointed in myself for not being as good as this person. Why do I base all of my self worth on career/academic performance? Have any of you experienced this? How did you stop worrying about it?",3.6239389736477112,4.280665679611655,5.614590846047157,81.01650485436893,71.81553398058253,8.409986130374481,24.908460471567267,8.634040054169528,1.5569761442441044,774,21,162,13,14,270,112,206,0.099,0.7440000000000001,0.157,0.8561,6,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,3,6,11,11,1,1,12,1,25,1,1,3,2,20,38,13,0,3,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,2,0,1,5,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,9,7,27,8,25,25,6,25,0,1,2,0,8,9,1,2,16,118,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398100101333674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209774795724855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944908329044525,0.0,0.281300222242484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111607428703251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849604040579806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885667352273055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959018413044614,0.08932705742504903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082183554506774,0.07574124745356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26677553363723744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497377049914542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6312554312121259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303837176869429,0.0,0.0,0.051796384823935004,0.0,0.0,0.09382503053082013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013505325104357,0.0,0.0,0.07076967619713065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462475391231747,0.0,0.15587490539014254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275427408064866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125094614266093,0.11290864228853385,0.0,0.08063356048210338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350144118922149,0.1851464650149552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786122141456324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896962790386927,0.0,0.11060276812271903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983104035369141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863809718506215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416863561170597,0.12364310787407795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253378729188956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566723952155903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718437121771042,0.10766922150533442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365477783986153
bpd,tallyoo,2019/06/29,"How can I get less abusive? I've had an argument with my boyfriend a few hours ago and I kept blaming him for everything.. In my way of understanding, there is no ""me"" that is at fault for everything, I know im not at fault for EVERYTHING, but for most of the things. How can I change this? It really sometimes makes me feel so guilty I want to die",3.367083333333333,4.112300430555557,4.448222222222224,88.819,72.4722222222222,9.093333333333334,26.9,9.3871,1.90518,269,9,63,6,5,88,53,72,0.281,0.695,0.024,-0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,13,12,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,10,0,11,10,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,44,14,0,0.0,0.2721081537179182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357869167800693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294858533892466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834960205695155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6192076306843487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612240247322048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998725732426305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616768152877875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480709408180585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621448420722378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329904911997624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712532414365348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227138450437782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257511865155693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23908293633828995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545872533052802,0.1822924856684597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Belthazare,2019/06/29,Fear question... Or danger in general Do you guys also not get triggered in dangerous situations the way normal people do? Like if someone pulled a knife or gun on you how would you react? I think I have a broken danger button... I tend to become calm to a degree that only Buddha could hope for in situations like that. Where I guess most people would be scared or try to run or scream... Its like my mind goes off or into an ultra zen mode. I do not process danger the right way. Anyome else?,2.556105383734252,4.670303350515468,4.0628178694158095,85.13060710194733,77.35051546391753,5.9605956471935855,19.02520045819015,6.937597516519254,0.3337454753722793,383,8,73,4,9,127,68,97,0.223,0.6659999999999999,0.111,-0.9292,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,0,3,12,4,2,6,0,8,0,0,3,0,23,13,8,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,0,1,9,5,10,9,1,12,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,10,3,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492449477401726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061140348454868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490058777453337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590228769469586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000642071557366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750451489758104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558985899406867,0.1847893326029463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536197970090534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735284822560564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884393151765268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828541042215104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419376757183758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587662919006165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090641156841803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937780103936566,0.0,0.0,0.1868454372701644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41955145721651016,0.0,0.0,0.1581278192223266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195825677992118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670697586330176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29627046706372545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651478722659042,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayyyyyyybabey,2019/06/29,"Intense anger followed by guilt I’ve never posted on this subreddit before so I apologize if this not the correct way to go about things but. It’s only been the past year since I’ve considered borderline personality disorder, and recently my therapist has agreed many of my symptoms are fitting so I hope someone on here can relate or anything. I just need somebody to understand. Today I was quite irritable when I woke up. I’m on vacation with my family and I was already being rude to my boyfriend over the phone. I starting getting stressed because I felt kinda rushed while getting ready to go shopping today with my mom and brother, and this led to more irritability. I told my mom I was feeling this way as we were leaving but as we were driving it felt like my brother was pushing me more and more. I was getting angrier and started displaying my anger towards him (I know this is my fault). My brother then said I “always act like this when we go out” which I genuinely did not think was true. Although I do get upset frequently, which is something I’m working on, I haven’t got THAT angry in so long so it felt super discouraging and pushed me over the edge. I don’t remember things after this well at all because I started freaking out and begging my mom to pull over and let me out of the car. If the door wouldn’t have been locked I would have jumped out. I seriously wanted to run across traffic and get hit by a car and I let my mom know this. At some point or another she threatened to take me to the ER and have me committed to the psych ward. It just got worse and I felt super suicidal and terrible and eventually I just stopped talking because I felt so misunderstood and like they weren’t listening to me at all and just started silently crying. Eventually we got back to the house and I grabbed the key to go let myself in and as soon as it clicked in my brain that I had an object that was sharp at all I dug the key into my wrist. I locked myself in my room and just cried and had a breakdown for a long time and now I just feel guilty and ashamed and terrible. I feel terrible that I self harmed again, I feel terrible that my mom might see where it happened on my wrist, I feel terrible she had to witness that. I just need someone who understands what I’m going through so badly",3.969490465770555,5.4912143391684936,4.917165364176307,83.06515098468275,71.91028446389497,8.111259768677712,30.562613316661448,8.676224119757912,2.399948596436386,1831,80,360,33,35,597,216,457,0.226,0.6940000000000001,0.08,-0.9979,2,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,4,0,1,4,25,26,3,4,15,0,34,4,3,1,7,85,82,45,1,8,15,8,12,3,0,3,1,2,2,2,26,35,0,2,16,1,1,17,7,18,2,0,27,16,67,8,52,47,7,72,0,1,2,0,25,28,0,8,27,259,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380541349366052,0.0,0.06319097978719672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963326050770264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249493483124419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058395775146564424,0.06340955408635944,0.13888314733828275,0.0,0.06462222690464073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477793333608201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684048418306713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703769831879098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159266432863576,0.0,0.19199628579658146,0.0,0.3645877942355259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983864203506284,0.0,0.21580187827018485,0.0,0.18221658696948656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715648430362005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542891662113332,0.0,0.08762846961626615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347299630527942,0.0,0.0,0.08041307906249083,0.0,0.2329717686028384,0.0,0.11130630518129092,0.0,0.0,0.134415011361714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699467232350173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056392995747126,0.0,0.44471987166364896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262211499385892,0.05857222005949665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775836622177885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249655389114802,0.0,0.06631083426717231,0.0,0.0,0.07179104563443271,0.0,0.07273276987409022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077513770885153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498493053570894,0.0,0.08602905061301062,0.0,0.0722395497316331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051704520102075,0.0,0.07922551290281125,0.0,0.0,0.06282115262010325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869316686030474,0.058464927817807225,0.0,0.0,0.215012474341424,0.0,0.0,0.06349207014804632,0.08699289061421937,0.0,0.0,0.08306973677678481,0.0,0.0,0.07893425492980545,0.05709997404081156,0.061040415956017426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817612299920449,0.1009068206036376,0.0486614544709878,0.0,0.0,0.04428319835247099,0.0,0.14397089778090327,0.07256715858502766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811948356779176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044793375934843255,0.1205606478389636,0.0,0.0,0.06828222329978065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528768855965015,0.0,0.07739279705754827,0.05394800158502546,0.0,0.0,0.0489050498599029
bpd,LazyAss_LikeMe,2019/06/29,"Anyone stable without a favorite person? I always just get triggered if I have a favorite person, usually a romantic partner. Other than that, I'm okay. 

It sometimes makes me feel like a faker lol like, im just ""situationally bpd"". Also, I find it really hard because then, I can't work on myself, or tell if I'm improving, if I'm not getting triggered. 

I hope it makes sense.

Thanks in advance!",1.942090643274856,4.601675460526316,4.471754385964914,78.04283625730994,83.8684210526316,6.0093567251462,26.86549707602339,7.3871296695380915,1.9617795321637443,309,14,52,5,9,108,53,76,0.114,0.628,0.259,0.8893,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,4,0,15,12,6,0,4,8,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,7,5,4,12,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,5,4,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991789742146127,0.17679800721392588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856896128732358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295240964649063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267607528108393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743482957733336,0.15179371603182729,0.0,0.0,0.1942002627029848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202107892241807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033778864623932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110377492140693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22951177965873626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761120244975706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836602906208395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371053697683109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611830094135818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388332152939957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014533107744032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571439149382502,0.19562040944341785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401355850541436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482038711960324,0.0,0.1546858933621219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd1147,2019/06/29,"Lost in my head Sometimes I find myself in a state where I am able to think about things from my past in a controlled and logical way, trying to resolve some issues and what not.

But tonight it had me thinking, what if it's all a lie? I mean I'm not getting better, so what if it's really just the voices making me relive the things I've tried so hard to forget?

Then that has me thinking maybe not, maybe it's the voices making me think that?

I'm not sure what I'm expecting here, I just needed to get this off my chest.",2.0490990990991023,3.4126526486486526,3.465045045045045,92.18693693693692,76.56756756756756,6.014414414414415,20.44144144144144,6.42735559955562,0.0809171171171168,408,9,91,3,9,134,66,111,0.107,0.868,0.025,-0.7676,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,6,0,3,2,2,3,2,28,17,8,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,13,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,12,3,10,15,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,3,3,62,25,0,0.1806085846878928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973361615548584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256788518714333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650729744043431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872106230998256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178981673899162,0.0,0.185356513467722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885084388307268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715560520778236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24111526545562534,0.0,0.3628911975254309,0.1967356959460226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391897706300554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241133037192552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570248409818525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862650840587846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702214536535357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399766368205076,0.4629067536519305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452427470884311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335868788761102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Adulting102,2019/06/29,"Trust Issues I have a hard time figuring out who I can trust in my life. I have trouble trusting my family, therapist, friends. At the same time I have the horrible tendency to over share about myself. So much of the time I try to stay silent in life and avoid others. Anyone else?",1.9933333333333323,4.49089672727273,3.2177272727272737,88.31992424242426,81.72727272727272,7.303030303030304,21.89393939393939,8.344100000000001,1.4514848484848482,220,7,44,5,6,71,40,55,0.152,0.621,0.22699999999999998,0.7003,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,5,9,4,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584713732008368,0.27233412828825515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203414373019512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250563951933148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205349345923382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23809638862136215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774165853877878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754718654580438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538685183833676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832976739641673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30860365446668986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649543338337458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804545353788793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tntlols,2019/06/29,"Reading I used to read all the time - I'd burn through books like they were nothing, and I loved that. But then I had a major psychotic episode about 4 years ago and I haven't really been able to read since. It's like I've totally lost the ability to take in any of the words in a book I'm reading - no matter how much I love its content. 

If anyone has experienced this, or has any advice on how to get back into reading then any advice would be very appreciated.",2.3796875,3.966775927083337,4.085833333333337,87.14250000000001,76.1875,7.300000000000002,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.2710874999999997,363,12,79,6,8,122,71,96,0.081,0.752,0.16699999999999998,0.8185,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,3,2,14,15,9,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,6,4,11,9,4,10,0,1,0,2,3,4,0,2,8,48,10,7,0.14533122301290788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840319782556942,0.12882736041671916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964906458062996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161897024987064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175073973589876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592956569921991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420029892009605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864619767776628,0.0,0.2623342057578579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683517093932757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944922808564494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7268527585291902,0.0,0.09310290288071783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021948948769726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927099301184147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474380486156302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551951475431655,0.0,0.11991347930259845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323913107187717,0.0,0.0,0.0935885427489987
bpd,kaaitt,2019/06/29,"vitamins and BPD? What vitamins are helpful with dealing with BPD? How do they help? I also have ADHD and just started taking vitamin D and magnesium because I heard they help but I also wanna know what symptoms they help specifically with too. In terms of medication, I take adderall and am planning to see my psychiatrist next week to help with my BPD, maybe a mood stabilizer or antidepressant but we’ll see how that appointment goes. Thanks!",4.706125,7.626299362499997,5.567499999999999,72.95750000000002,74.125,9.0,31.25,9.516144504307137,3.601125000000001,359,17,58,10,8,117,56,80,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.9515,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,3,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,0,16,13,11,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,9,11,1,5,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,1,4,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848366240183055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24598616077477475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375450055798447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811137269772111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585601132394032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154414558307762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452396019962694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451186253136573,0.0,0.0,0.15493640732644154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356708192224653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24511593192427836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088597907591128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985614791336075,0.2312755572149043,0.0,0.0,0.14159754274977898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233683566715998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,astrangewindblows,2019/06/29,"Coping with executive dysfunction? I don’t know if anyone here has problems with executive functioning. I had a really rough week involving problems with my boyfriend, my first week of work, and acclimating to adulthood, so I’m extra exhausted this week. It’s been like this for at least a year, so I’m wondering if anyone here has any tips. 

I can’t get out of bed, can barely feed myself, and often can’t even get up to put on my glasses which are at most two feet away from me at any given time. And the thing is I often don’t even feel better once I’m up and doing things. I still feel like crap and I have to fight to stay out of bed, which is even more exhausting. Any advice is appreciated.",4.7422695035460976,5.204534148936169,5.918581560283692,80.53333333333335,69.21276595744679,9.387234042553194,26.30496453900709,9.444778638647367,1.9899985815602843,549,15,114,11,9,184,86,141,0.132,0.7909999999999999,0.078,-0.7755,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,2,0,3,0,15,5,2,0,0,21,25,9,0,4,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,7,10,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,3,3,11,3,21,22,4,18,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,6,9,80,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234354314974844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33892903360072146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232853966522898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608770906988956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693140782650774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291884438598451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800398177795095,0.11868566647588827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131290458865667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735955902026795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130251981203187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623286824695925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692654810204764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179342726901314,0.0,0.16700985811753127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642924943877964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770759986722122,0.13267427218728547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074317192684909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687366630831967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228809912990996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39978634942981295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180164482786903,0.12094702487059615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698440169589987
bpd,diablo2rulez,2019/06/29,I need help I really dont know what to do anymore. My wife has bpd too and hasn't worked in 2 years. I got a dui last year which cost me 20k. To be honest I was trying to kill myself but came out unscathed. Im at a point where I feel like I need to check myself in somewhere but if I do ill fuck over my wife and lose the house. Please send help,-0.6931329113924036,0.926566569620256,1.4055537974683538,102.57390031645572,85.83544303797468,4.456329113924051,13.67246835443038,5.148860815047168,-1.4252924050632916,265,3,71,1,8,88,57,79,0.17300000000000001,0.6659999999999999,0.161,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,11,14,5,1,3,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,3,0,0,3,1,12,2,9,10,0,12,0,1,0,1,5,7,1,1,4,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074869902239819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635014170399196,0.0,0.0,0.2392884479590593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452007002557107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578637317558236,0.1494646266301624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193417693493835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732990248535212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28046741498058936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140826342476476,0.0,0.0,0.22599020137779924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314675505180515,0.0,0.11498016095204487,0.17053973321123944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221283090495553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23406024476604426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102634260640431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296573778936253,0.1977776370162621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340297316620563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204457164651105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231242702744674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694577050376599
bpd,Ellimity,2019/06/29,"I want to be better My boyfriend broke things off with me at the beginning of the year because he fell out of love with me due to my unreliability from bpd. Since then, I’ve been working hard to fix myself and improve, but in the back of my mind i’m still terrified i’ll fail and lose him completely. He’s giving me a chance to prove I can hold a job, control my emotions better, study and get into a career. I know I am fully capable of doing this and have been doing really well at studying and controlling my emotions better with the help of the right medications and some cbt. I just want to prove I can actually be better than this and be a partner for him, I love him so much.",4.413992063492064,4.850585050000003,5.900952380952378,80.4618253968254,69.92857142857143,8.793650793650794,27.698412698412696,8.841846274778883,1.9287460317460319,537,17,112,9,9,183,85,140,0.102,0.639,0.259,0.9751,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,9,5,10,0,0,9,0,11,3,0,2,2,24,20,10,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,12,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,19,7,22,15,2,14,0,3,0,2,10,7,0,1,6,80,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.14699363825816888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582555582175172,0.0,0.0918229540542211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5328817418315162,0.0,0.0,0.18971384034876015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793321227710164,0.0,0.33788982587289995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338878074001143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869821865341256,0.14449850018640187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349353402081524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096444828719096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947752753415675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278258289148532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851699852836055,0.0,0.0,0.2718998126076905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174438055336992,0.0,0.0,0.152093864004543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073074849082523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649775473757838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863762306669607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246031052986996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029371103363662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007221030363976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769154195707712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543490854590284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966079723146084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700110270472176
bpd,4rchery,2019/06/29,Disassociation Coping Strategies What are some? Currently going through the longest disassociation episode and hospitals scare me. What are some coping mechanisms for when episodes last so long and things like Gaming or anything electronic seems to prolong and trigger the disassociation further? Even eating seems to make it worse.,9.851799999999997,14.050036579999995,8.134,54.557000000000016,63.2,9.6,42.0,9.888512548439397,5.563600000000001,279,16,32,7,5,84,39,50,0.11900000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.045,-0.6322,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,10,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,5,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550203708801115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171039177649888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468528569687813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612267356289224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526089466098941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514009378268124,0.0,0.0,0.2742507544161901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068599069677587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31026283842223945,0.0,0.0,0.5642405977188264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588304383515607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31581343131824224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HellmutLang,2019/06/29,"No one loves as good as us idk maybe it’s just me but even though everyone talks shit about people with BPD, no one is better at giving love than us. if you subtract the shitty aspects of it you realize the levels of goodness and effort you put into the relationship are never reciprocated. I think I saw someone post “no one will ever love you how you love them” and that’s really accurate. people can level their accusations about how I’m shitty in relationships but I also know that no one has ever loved me or sacrificed for me in the way that i’ve loved/sacrificed for them. and maybe it’s my fault  for getting fixated on the little things my girlfriend doesn’t do, and I take the absence of those things as an indication of her level of love for me. but sometimes the little things matter. idk, this post is fucking stupid, I hate complaining like a fucking child all the time, just kinda wanted to see if anyone agrees w my conclusion that we (or at least I) often feel that the level of love given to others is never reciprocated.",5.6222505712109685,6.3675234108910965,6.592772277227727,75.47138233054076,67.36633663366337,9.185681645087586,27.41964965727341,9.265573868473778,2.256496115765422,827,24,151,15,13,276,117,202,0.184,0.607,0.209,0.9132,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,5,3,3,12,18,5,0,11,0,9,10,1,2,5,32,30,18,0,3,9,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,14,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,7,0,4,2,3,25,11,25,27,2,21,0,0,2,9,26,12,3,6,6,117,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853607052535337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866858994022618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685607552061446,0.0,0.0,0.1236882283712965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486477094619293,0.1776676357630323,0.0,0.09384095895978906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965638982476653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158150428686734,0.05130908331897638,0.09420906486057704,0.0,0.16474267749902013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695904126700236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053971976947093284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797896008860381,0.19685834786522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6204493103369613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732418270274385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148652382046035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266190311168877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361686814730328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881102417642272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987251198632184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291389338467396,0.0,0.0,0.2108750444762979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825823231624225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080803328942772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321043861454741,0.0,0.09712919470240024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383941200192408,0.07893503452950308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573302156926,0.062927054620515,0.09648783969219238,0.0,0.057265268204394384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362617622363309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057925009532332726,0.07795211378412725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vmorrison98,2019/06/29,I left unsterilized substrate jars on the counter overnight. Am I okay too sterilize? Left jars out last night and was wondering if I should scrap them.,4.526666666666667,7.697708333333335,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,76.77777777777777,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222207,8.841846274778883,2.8764666666666665,123,6,23,3,3,35,23,27,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987801925999177,0.0,0.0,0.7964966870687267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34397430820902003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974985525641889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loonalady,2019/06/29,"DAE and to leave a loving relationship to sleep around I’m (F21) in a really happy long term relationship with someone (M25) I want to marry. However, I get moods where I miss being promiscuous and talking to loads of men and the chase. I miss being lusted after and the attention and thrill of the game. I’d never act on it because I really am with the person I want to marry and have children with. We have a great sex life and relationship, just need that lust of lots of men and talking to them and I even miss being lead on and depressed when I’m dumped. Am I crazy?",3.3074106280193227,4.789524069565218,4.989855072463769,82.04642512077298,73.52173913043478,7.893719806763285,23.21256038647343,8.515128840125781,1.4017922705314012,448,12,90,8,9,152,66,115,0.131,0.726,0.14300000000000002,0.659,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,1,5,10,1,0,7,0,7,6,1,1,1,23,17,11,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,15,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,10,4,18,14,2,12,0,4,0,4,13,5,0,1,5,60,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666870119120052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414230983559027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127313170951255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367301022969962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782735209915533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643736160401308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993249037967229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826454313052447,0.0,0.0,0.13225609675643038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657052007472837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918829984739602,0.16899517650335966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883918161060887,0.14441424934384214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349438939364508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399068235855594,0.0,0.0,0.6030905024163095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737939835855325,0.0,0.15865138003079174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009995469172897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088292895970188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,manfromanother-place,2019/06/29,"Making progress... I think? I'm having kind of a hard time right now because I've tried a couple of times to reach out to my FP and he hasn't been responding. I have the urge to say things like ""Fuck you why aren't you replying to me"" or ""You know, I just want to talk to you sometimes..."" but I'm succeeding at keeping it to myself. I realize that neither he nor anybody else has the obligation to talk to me when I want them to. Everybody is their own person and has the right to do what they choose.

I'm still having bad thoughts, but I'm not hurting the people I love because of them. Progress? I hope so.",1.2923753280839885,3.1636260000000007,2.753248031496064,94.1732316272966,80.33858267716536,6.1230971128608935,23.181758530183732,7.1686216300943375,0.6876829396325466,470,16,107,6,12,153,80,127,0.062,0.741,0.19699999999999998,0.9513,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,4,3,5,8,1,0,6,0,10,2,0,1,0,18,24,8,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,2,19,5,16,22,2,9,0,1,0,2,16,4,1,2,6,69,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635212241091357,0.23876887942318104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669721640975406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360219619916191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810542507594029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754373963892592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945168824608873,0.0,0.0,0.2096546224127643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174074788554946,0.0,0.2039409703063032,0.10763051982124676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956792896410179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675649362515455,0.0,0.13072712255271834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577329198708926,0.17100307591342326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33449872559272786,0.0,0.15574268987956918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369432633320355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640095050850195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31482333162806364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301097844308711,0.12548866991226226,0.0,0.15547794103306498,0.22839595409239585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296494767020428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23102725670868396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671838585750346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,selenawhat,2019/06/29,"tired of nobody believing me when i first told people i was bpd, i was written off as overdramatic (which is funny to me bc that's like half of what bpd is lmao). when i severely depressed and begging for help, i was told to be mindful. now that i am discussing the possibility of having fibromyalgia, everyone pretends like they've never seen me in pain before. so much of my life is based on people's uneducated presumptions and I feel like I'm going crazy. I've actually been doing really well mentally and emotionally since I've been on my Lexapro+buspar combo but the physical pain i feel when i wake up everyday really tests the patience i have with myself. i honestly don't know if i ever would have attributed my pain to anything specific without the SSRI bc i used to think it was depression but now i kind of realized it's the other way around and that a lot of my depression was being caused by physical pain that i wasn't able to understand at the time. I'm in genuine pain that is invisible to everyone else and anytime i try to express it, i come off as annoying bc nobody likes someone who complains. i smoke kind of a lot of weed to get through the pain and tension but everyone sees it as just me getting stoned bc that's what i used to like to do a lot, and still do when I'm able to enjoy it. I don't know how to emphasize that that's not what it's all about for me though, a lot of the time it's hard to even get stoned and enjoy it bc I'm mostly treating my pain and then when my pain is being relieved i go straight to bed bc it's fucking exhausting. i am frustrated with the people in my life who are so unwilling to educate themselves on what's going on with me and would rather discourage and make me feel like I'm crazy than google the term and connect the dots.  it makes me really scared to go to my doctor about this because i already know fibromyalgia can be difficult to diagnose and i don't want him to be dismissive and not even give me a referral to a specialist or something you know? I'm getting my birth control implant removed in about 3 weeks to see if my symptoms improve without the added hormones in my body. I'm not sure if i want to bring up fibromyalgia at this appointment at all bc it's already minor surgical procedure but at the same time i really just wish the process of diagnosing wasn't so difficult bc i want to be taken seriously now. anyway i put this in the bpd page bc i think the fibromyalgia and bpd come from the same traumas i experienced and a lot of this pain and lack of understanding from others just really sets off the bpd alarms in my head, despite how well I've been handling myself the past few months. i do feel like I'm about to start spiraling, but that's a topic of discussion for later.",4.54108375778155,5.4402614426523295,5.9124693454065325,78.82730050933787,69.87813620071685,9.744651952461801,30.634031314846247,9.93914555978268,2.9605584229390685,2207,89,437,54,38,746,230,558,0.187,0.7240000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9959,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,2,30,42,3,3,27,0,37,21,3,9,5,85,86,41,0,11,18,0,5,7,0,2,17,0,1,0,33,23,0,2,13,1,0,9,11,25,2,2,15,9,56,17,78,63,15,57,0,4,3,1,12,22,1,10,31,302,89,2,0.1142411092499128,0.0,0.05574142157489317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606790484241934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700534946966445,0.050849403877044175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03482015992555339,0.0,0.048605384858197404,0.06435530464104716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344805928105343,0.3597066947516192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867854418075592,0.0,0.09840860001967956,0.0,0.0,0.06406555907123372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759354999671898,0.11595232113220355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058465308063785124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771689383967112,0.06425293573661105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545517522600555,0.051668811871741285,0.0,0.1637434133752121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552747479603973,0.12242080691188598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858671458393905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280703232241743,0.11937252891035792,0.05479524087759212,0.12985171014824246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051168797323623366,0.0,0.058622168325613525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038286703715492615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896453538825097,0.12556785196127726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069187397419295,0.1953435240336516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428092644588722,0.0,0.0,0.07625682752106835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756408416412776,0.0,0.057675476931468864,0.0,0.0455930817397614,0.0,0.04199018002459395,0.0,0.044054893097260586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5470226767754826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054528032714998384,0.11880060128515185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439484281859688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742193420113172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296444974070428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718763994090315,0.0,0.09103537322590494,0.0,0.0,0.06452996800673698,0.0,0.047250713053288436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839806057051961,0.043974193608100176,0.0,0.0,0.040430222561425325,0.0,0.04561654870911857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053835446740024565,0.059370127325072714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320108995352989,0.0561206549021231,0.0,0.09992236425943296,0.06565167476835289,0.0,0.10916227558347473,0.0,0.03878110709866537,0.0,0.0,0.11892902365826735,0.0,0.09866763865855807,0.0,0.0,0.1010735491810151,0.04533963751832277,0.0458186634613988,0.0,0.10271647702134117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568581883336971,0.11012435261342547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115360627358696,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sephir0thx,2019/06/29,"Come on Brain, I was having good day!!! Woke up, well rested. Good mood. Just feeling what must be the equivalent of normal to most people, and alas out of no where, my bitchass of a brain wanna be like “lol remember that time your boyfriend told your best friend why he blahblahblah his ex blahblah” 

I. Was. Good. All. Morning.
Wwwwhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy 

Now I’m mad at him? for something I can’t be mad about? Lmao. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Does anyone else just laugh to themselves at their own craziness? Like hahahaha, what the fuck is wrong with my brain, why did it just think that? 

Hope everyone has a better day than me.",1.150933706816062,3.786728747899162,1.6639635854341748,94.90791549953316,93.45378151260503,4.6612511671335195,18.37581699346405,6.42735559955562,0.011470214752567376,487,14,99,6,18,148,90,119,0.145,0.565,0.29,0.9704,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,2,7,17,3,0,4,1,11,4,3,0,2,17,22,1,0,4,3,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,5,2,12,12,15,13,5,12,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,2,7,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733794048721508,0.15728939856897853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109954314317898,0.13576734680732638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141046447190317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322354930643494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800283143713268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433785976424487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823812112206232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668562841987856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523879609178953,0.10966775776433793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860164320879513,0.14191775830615344,0.0,0.0,0.08724341629323046,0.38627135918664335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524703219933487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249920713580358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040745784785586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642468296565984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389719533732234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817969512240653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836317375632896,0.0,0.0,0.08951306493781555,0.0,0.0,0.14668562841987856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802415624278475,0.0,0.27703825861239834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783936680624092,0.0,0.0
bpd,colesnap,2019/06/29,How do you distract yourself when you’re experiencing BPD symptoms? My brain is absolute hell today. I’m stuck at work and my usual coping mechanisms aren’t working. Do you have any podcasts or anything that usually help distract you from thinking the sky is falling and your FP secretly hates you?,6.602222222222222,8.575761259259263,6.7194444444444485,70.93250000000003,66.03703703703704,9.103703703703703,39.425925925925924,9.516144504307137,4.295903703703704,244,14,37,5,4,78,45,54,0.254,0.703,0.043,-0.9034,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,2,2,4,2,2,1,0,6,2,1,1,0,6,10,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,2,9,0,7,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,1,4,22,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702118103878134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421471040787804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278540264772258,0.2905944375749282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25700434472497585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448173966198202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705639842126268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679750776085842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674547032153785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5733940890869705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790206750645434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImportantArtist69,2019/06/29,My boyfriend is leaving for 3 weeks vacation and I hate him for it. I can’t feel ok. I’m trying to. I don’t understand why his family didn’t invite me. I feel hated and like I’m going to do something to hurt him back while he is gone. How do you deal with this?,-1.6167372881355924,0.3183767118644063,1.4862500000000018,97.54259533898306,95.4406779661017,4.983898305084747,15.84957627118644,6.6274283507984215,-0.3300355932203387,202,5,50,3,8,71,42,59,0.18600000000000005,0.71,0.10400000000000001,-0.7906,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,7,16,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,2,10,2,6,14,0,5,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063316760583426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766397580960261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25296067031107466,0.0,0.2713546680112241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249994756733798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5298469853837732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287256252202784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841261262194562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310940528732656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065760154223741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821806364320674,0.0,0.0,0.2793443359569947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215240716275261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421289863898622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaczmarska,2019/06/29,"how to deal with a long term break up as a bpd? recently my partner has left me due to my bpd being too much on him. all i want to do is die and this is the only feeling i’ve ever known, i’ve attempted suicide over short term relationships but this one is my first long term one. i’m hardly able to cope and i’m not sure what i can do, please as a bpd yourself, give me some advice, i’m desperate.",0.5014772727272749,2.0221052840909124,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,81.38636363636364,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.23590454545454564,307,8,75,4,8,106,59,88,0.122,0.8170000000000001,0.062,-0.7386,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,3,13,14,6,2,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,8,1,10,13,6,15,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,9,46,11,0,0.16921187977510696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535189053153304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6393493171022432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744500179794278,0.0,0.0,0.17561521609607436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306183281952648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555861066240521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393153849477713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232345383383473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515806076781136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384920248293185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29949437762728914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243902014031278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932469794696275,0.12869325954829958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574383061924446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670763174046373,0.18167023310025526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509033227454136,0.0,0.15948019414769754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980555081998993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,101245976,2019/06/29,"My boyfriend would be better off if I did not exist The only reason he is with me is because he is inexperienced. He does not know how handsome he is and probably thinks he deserves someone that is temperamental, unemployed and physically unappealing.

If I were to disappear, he would eventually get over it. I do not know how he has stayed for as long as he has, but it is too much strain and pressure to deal with me. I can not offer him anything. I only bring pain to everyone around me.",5.673719298245615,6.2831818631579015,6.980789473684213,73.21469298245617,67.21052631578948,10.12280701754386,32.675438596491226,10.125756701596842,3.2427543859649135,387,16,74,9,6,132,61,95,0.121,0.8590000000000001,0.02,-0.8344,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,1,0,15,1,0,3,0,21,20,10,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,10,2,11,15,1,7,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,1,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933277479567999,0.20913791403335988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143211425462271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077768969549971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422029844255853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055892252575428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448611847905264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274146688900385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25822326936547146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790606077371354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270091664129278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573503963952626,0.24998256906566385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532947664378001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415476364313461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990558130328085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504046076572185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053395016063145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337757109873349,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hnm4ever,2019/06/29,changing bad behaviors how do you guys manage to take the first step in training yourself to change your coping strategy? in that exact moment where you used to just react and get angry explode and destruct...how did you remember to insert the new technique? did you have to practice it when not upset?,6.254636363636365,8.0256446,6.077954545454547,75.97693181818181,66.63636363636364,7.6818181818181825,31.931818181818183,8.07648339933343,2.6378181818181816,243,10,37,3,4,76,43,55,0.121,0.843,0.036000000000000004,-0.7316,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,3,1,9,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,7,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25552094265569114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6474749676300677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603076123906949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988721532102848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303016243319102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955641489717271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466705360910182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230095281424827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643102920147561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arghhhhok,2019/06/29,"I want to fucking kill myself I fucking hate myself I’m actually in so much fucking pain and fucking fuck  bpd why does rejection have to hurt so badly? I don’t know what’s worse being told your incredibly attractive but it won’t work out (meaning that your personality must be actual shit) or being turned down because your not beautiful and knowing forever your unlucky lottery of physical genes have meant you’ve missed our 
Hahahaha guess which fucking one

You are the only lot who can understand how much this kills, how insecure we become through rejection, which further increases the self hatred and need for validation and oh so the cycle continues.",6.599962335216575,8.750673271186443,7.123333333333335,67.34417137476463,66.28813559322035,10.668173258003767,35.99246704331451,10.746095033038511,4.636245574387946,538,27,82,16,9,176,91,118,0.322,0.655,0.023,-0.9923,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,2,5,0,1,5,18,10,1,3,0,10,8,1,2,1,21,29,11,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,17,0,1,2,0,12,1,8,22,4,6,0,4,0,6,11,4,7,3,1,56,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.24346623929950184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415685954852266,0.07604339061833437,0.13777104536874166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571119532794198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916518505919597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6919484220992898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742067497760815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315985572879085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354209631998984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27602370713007945,0.0,0.13711317288909372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106053733138924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588386892338175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340384814838745,0.09249683255536684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453043649039785,0.09487418930782376,0.13273746899644595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089225172898195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013623481469827,0.0,0.1280489439044647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919918777984342,0.0,0.0,0.13568673225418446,0.0,0.12986393832249213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357782960585882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256295441573372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081584147756563,0.0,0.12712580634476406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway_cuz_anon,2019/06/29,"My old therapist thought I had histrionic traits, just found out and I'm pissed During my last hospital stay I had a therapist there for 6 weeks. I just recently read the paperwork they did and she confirmed the bpd diagnosis but added that I've got histrionic traits.


It pisses me off because I can't stand the description of the symptoms for hpd. I don't get why she thinks I have traits and I want to figure out what about me made her think that.


 Any ideas on how to get more insight on possible symptoms? Do you guys have histrionic traits and what are they?",3.33818181818182,5.563379181818188,3.8254545454545488,87.22818181818184,75.36363636363637,8.4,26.45454545454545,9.120678840339163,2.1984727272727267,450,17,91,11,10,141,73,110,0.06,0.9259999999999999,0.013999999999999999,-0.6818,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,0,5,2,2,0,5,0,9,4,2,2,0,19,19,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,0,17,0,11,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,4,57,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275076738466434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429937500131565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23615199058133385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558607820566546,0.0,0.0,0.19592393423740934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996234175738776,0.0,0.0,0.18565629030975572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116667428287752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283901666814387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741876478174665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675162897321447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138014021791168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755257026817915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851354363508028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985200245220627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897723882666225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43540815175939385,0.0,0.2402872028443328,0.0,0.14885550855289084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105934371089879,0.0,0.15040265777728964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919123717923665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yoshida18,2019/06/29,"I always feel either underestimated or overestimated... Why cant I just feel estimated? Why can`t I ever feel I belong? Why is my life always some kind of extreme... I can hide it well, but it feels that, even before my 30`s, I`m running out of life energy because I spent it all in a nonsensical way I cannot even understand",2.80952380952381,5.087425746031748,5.549444444444443,73.97750000000002,77.25396825396825,8.009523809523811,23.198412698412696,8.841846274778883,1.8790126984126985,254,8,48,6,6,91,45,63,0.051,0.868,0.081,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,13,10,2,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,4,9,2,4,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34366196857728043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588520275418905,0.0,0.17572287838141878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727928318677189,0.1867980753807187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176660767633678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150460349683455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29172505059065473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21498184225155872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639162334118656,0.0,0.0,0.18567526059146944,0.0,0.5590233506428656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ZanyUsernamer,2019/06/29,"I’ve gone and caught feels. I feel like I’m in recovery, and I’ve been doing well.. but damn, I just can’t assess this situation properly. I feel like I’m falling into crisis over it even though it’s not such a big deal. Send halp I don’t know who to ask. Or even what to ask. 

I’m 22. Since I was 16, (I’m male) i was in an abusive, manipulative and all around bad relationship and I’m so glad I’m out. So. So. Glad. 

That was a year ago now.. and I think I’m getting close on a girl? I flip from she’s interested, and I should take a shot, to wtf am I thinking I’m romanticising her and she’s hardly a friend. 

I don’t wanna post publicly. But I need help with it. I have no one who understands my head to help me .... it’s sending me into a spiral.. anyone able to help me out with some insight in a PM???",-2.116972894682391,-0.29190540782122554,1.366505276225947,97.07352369128908,100.28491620111731,4.439561349058557,15.009517897786054,6.238725200709706,-0.6464141940823502,608,15,155,8,27,218,103,179,0.152,0.647,0.201,0.8617,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,1,0,8,0,11,1,1,1,1,34,33,14,0,3,5,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,15,0,0,8,0,0,5,5,2,1,1,6,4,20,7,19,26,2,21,0,0,0,0,18,12,1,2,5,92,29,0,0.17063116992275354,0.20217003454307614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512542368408518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930928138230065,0.0,0.0,0.1518979171400381,0.31903422072593474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424698996167701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591324380083018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254005569461769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588287392178581,0.24379788377306996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182921861340158,0.0,0.08914774374281402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285201287340935,0.0,0.17511680743445965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34311142934557903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377442859894244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672354142190066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652085043801822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562409670904444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634174939741515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319401956431755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114786701395904,0.19179658415894316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829340447080348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866712780366426,0.16764425810733605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763306552099575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341791374026295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988087906759683
bpd,caitywoo,2019/06/29,"How do I deal with habitually isolating myself yet feeling like a complete tool for cancelling on friends last minute? Currently feeling completely depressed/anxious and dissociating HARD. Yesterday I excitedly agreed to plans and tonight I can barley move. I don’t know wether to be honest with my friends or make up another excuse. Neither option seems preferable right now so I’ll probably just ignore them even though I know that’s a complete dick move. I’m currently dissociating so hard I can barley talk to my housemates/boyfriend. Typing this right now is taking everything in me lol. 

Deep sigh.",6.607619047619046,9.382441,6.379047619047617,70.10761904761905,67.57142857142857,9.23809523809524,36.42857142857143,9.725611199111238,4.1941428571428565,495,26,74,12,9,155,78,105,0.10300000000000001,0.6679999999999999,0.228,0.9001,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,9,7,0,0,2,1,6,1,1,2,0,16,14,7,0,1,2,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,4,11,5,9,13,1,16,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,3,9,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828806064671932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5348100024837484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752902985995292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230118346384868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280924095907755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171941448725359,0.1214672725064975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627247681368345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046214645266243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868847078815708,0.13859464084711165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306656942925983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349429581422645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614234363731555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331778754865646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29040413779927865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478613097770907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783909097542995,0.13666120553753736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705059509563086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carpe_fucking_diem_,2019/06/29,"Psychosis/ptsd? Fear and disassociation Really want to vent tonight. Plus I need advice and  looking for support of some kind.

Recently I fell into a habit of believing these delusional thinking.

The most recent one I experienced was a religious experience like god was talking to me through the radio...The first was positive saying that I should trust in the future because good things are coming. Everything went silent Like all noise got drowned out and I focused in on The words like they meant something special. I cried and fully believed that god sent me a message

I started coding my notes, I take them about people I’m suspicious of. And I coded them...I realized how I’m becoming and I’m scared, I don’t trust the people around me, but mostly my roommate.

I’m disassociating way more than usual, I’m having nightmares constantly, I’m anxious all the time, my depression has gone through the roof, I either sleep too
Much or sleep too little. (Either 3-4 hours or 12-17 hours of sleep)

The next time I had a strong delusion I was relaxing and a young girl comes into the room and my roommate enters after a few minutes. My brain zeroed in on It hard. And now I think that maybe she is a sexual predator I don’t know what to do because I’ve been really paranoid and unhappy because I had to deal with a really  traumatic event and now I keep thinking negative thoughts about my roommate. Because of the traumatic event. I don’t want to describe it but it might be relevant. 

My roommate is the closest person to me, I trusted her with my life before the trauma happened. 

But I let my ex in and I was happy to let her. Except she was a master at manipulating and was extremely abusive. She was using me as a narcissistic source(I was also raised my a narcissistic father)

My ex and roommate didn’t get along basically and there was a long history between me and the roommate as friends. We were very close but now I’m rethinking everything she’s done and believe she is a sex offender. 

My ex traumatized me and I haven’t trusted anyone since. And have more delusions than I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve had delusions before this and I loose myself in it bad and I’m not sure if maybe I’m right about my delusions...? I had my sister go to the room the little girl was in to check if anything was suspicious. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but it’s such a. Serious delusion that I’m scared if I’m right then I’m just an idiot for believing it. 

I’m calling a therapist tomorrow and hopefully gonna start medication again. I just need some help with interpreting what this is because I’ve never been more scared in my life.

I hope this made sense my mind was rambling and I tried to edit this but my brain is friend since I can’t sleep at all",3.025941030687367,5.34009239591078,4.447537721408266,81.96491981922881,76.71375464684016,7.4909833078212715,27.46351774910708,8.435331408891425,2.1731269334499603,2191,91,410,44,51,726,253,538,0.16399999999999998,0.715,0.121,-0.9855,0,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,2,3,17,30,2,4,31,0,43,10,6,4,6,89,87,40,1,10,17,5,1,3,2,3,3,1,2,3,19,37,0,1,10,1,1,8,10,11,0,3,29,5,65,19,50,52,14,59,0,1,1,1,27,23,0,12,30,276,84,1,0.0,0.09067922719618436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478727480156161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120350489322261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646063634069849,0.0,0.05351373390982908,0.0,0.06298023309324756,0.068130698845154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390195473411776,0.2332693845698117,0.08452481327669106,0.13024808888749362,0.3449064528024274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708725360571417,0.07814886794105734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318530047653282,0.0,0.0827051090742205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406803376636675,0.0,0.07890228162390922,0.06591786031965159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831994898713876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922858466212467,0.0,0.0,0.13756605883175016,0.07486407260852705,0.0,0.08612103252064772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509902903086354,0.0,0.0,0.11825859052512587,0.0,0.03998539411219936,0.0,0.04349553330079469,0.06419234627468973,0.06121052397704003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767798136898719,0.0814709246817793,0.06855863894007865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051298534136630575,0.0,0.0,0.15202930489000513,0.15073940488415366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802614962792351,0.0,0.07969746266238567,0.08412119763776428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652059195275625,0.10811520580025392,0.11217064333286048,0.15341257560054766,0.0,0.06772939894770452,0.06426854174477553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241748447233036,0.0,0.0,0.15377560273657706,0.0,0.0,0.07709906227305631,0.0,0.08118954122171368,0.07727662961536667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562606459778169,0.11349667093694855,0.059027056866244425,0.0,0.0813938366879455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051860819821935925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061168518756998,0.06682576452046005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946311657461681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470872207838891,0.0,0.1511344372587101,0.0,0.0,0.13071772510203694,0.0,0.060862205338016125,0.22986900007127034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661796818844093,0.0,0.3063535475959487,0.0,0.0,0.058918931457218174,0.0,0.0,0.1083410662683717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684887262237803,0.07213155571907856,0.0,0.05754337826608631,0.061514419294934536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886084599887256,0.050845201290924284,0.14711799061067607,0.0,0.060758744952996435,0.08925415033663826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051960961725524606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610003916135837,0.08429041431428155,0.06314783556477949,0.0902824289689312,0.0607484248385422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094696491200034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367694753686075,0.0,0.0
bpd,avakazoo,2019/06/29,"I made a discovery This is literally such a random realization while I was listening to music. I coming to the end of a BPD flare where it’s 3:00 am and I’m tired from thinking and crying so I decide to try and go to bed. Keep in mind my thoughts are still racing. I put headphones in to listen to music because I’m going to a concert tomorrow and I don’t listen to their music so I wanted to be familiar. 

Once I started listening I noticed that I was thinking less. Then I was like wait a minute. I was too preoccupied with the music that was blaring into my thinking space that I could even GET myself to thoroughly think about anything. Have any of you ever stopped to think about that? How are you going to think when you have music in your ears?!? This is all if you force yourself to listen to the music and really try and focus on the music itself, kind of do some mindfulness with it and listen to every deep chord. 

You are probably like “uh what, then how am I able to to work (or anything that requires you to actively think) and listen to music. Have you ever done your homework and actively, deeply, and detailedly listen to music before? If you can actually do that that’s amazing cause I can’t. 

This is unnecessarily long but I’m always like this when I have an epiphany of sorts. That and I smoked a bit har har. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.",2.352624929814713,4.503320989051093,4.109781021897813,84.36765861875352,78.16058394160585,6.697136440202134,23.312184166198765,7.748469712250963,1.2381256597417178,1077,35,210,17,26,362,134,274,0.021,0.9159999999999999,0.063,0.8572,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,11,1,2,15,6,0,0,11,0,25,2,1,4,3,47,56,24,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,11,2,0,17,15,0,4,10,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,9,11,32,6,36,45,4,27,0,0,0,0,21,9,0,6,17,155,49,3,0.12037254627852192,0.0,0.1174662412192842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001596013473625,0.0,0.0,0.08185745921989025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811269836316292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337798695380593,0.0,0.10242817102606523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314156443199924,0.0,0.15160500819705228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365576317195512,0.0,0.10369029010528864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610768340016364,0.0,0.13222358982763174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318290729834487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661434753815388,0.0,0.0,0.07950493155644202,0.21776771913450824,0.10141906186500524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628896872368964,0.0,0.2052314761095047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566860806608358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069926499167651,0.0,0.1253494835225966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352317834380695,0.0,0.0,0.10652591555336377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389941377514542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24308391477122704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704494176196208,0.0,0.12819283325170247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978196402379055,0.0,0.0,0.1210076561302865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711373546122682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520030781003338,0.0,0.09612967094958448,0.10063683861467164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5399090705742052,0.0,0.1911247120025012,0.0,0.1383505344302679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345011492331868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099884654020602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763264732087091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nakaharas,2019/06/29,"Afraid of regular friendships becoming FPs Ever since being diagnosed with BPD, whenever I make new friends or get close with someone, there's always that worry in the back of my mind that I'm going to get too unhealthily dependent on them, and they're going to end up an FP, pushing me back into an unhealthy state of mind; and it's not going to end well.

I'm currently taking a break from my FP I've known for about a year now and am starting to finally feel the closest to normal I've been in a long time.
I've also become really close with a new online friend over the past four months, to the point where I feel like I've known them all my life; talking nearly every day, from when I wake up to when I go to sleep.

I think since my internal bar's been set so high for responses, I start to feel panicked when they don't respond immediately. Before, I used to just do my own thing without a problem, and forget to respond, even, but now I'm starting to do my own thing while waiting for them to respond, yearning for their attention, even when I don't really need it.
I've also never split on them or even had a negative thought about them, though, but I'm afraid of these thoughts getting worse and possibly ruining the friendship in the future.

How can I break away from these thought patterns?",11.709521367521367,6.513506430769238,10.880512820512823,68.50893162393163,59.69230769230769,14.17094017094017,43.50427350427351,10.980518767755715,4.550337606837607,1032,38,204,17,9,335,143,260,0.071,0.858,0.071,-0.6172,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,7,0,25,9,0,2,14,0,10,5,2,4,3,43,36,19,0,4,7,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,8,11,1,1,10,1,0,5,6,5,1,1,6,3,23,4,41,29,3,53,0,2,0,0,13,17,0,3,28,135,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736701969409646,0.0922743751636982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419046445780633,0.1705443935826047,0.0,0.0,0.2449518903736316,0.09436434803501212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966965937248832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151876089363966,0.0,0.0,0.11255712940766267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964419220969188,0.0,0.0,0.21973733271043408,0.1003118020821157,0.09343468262045196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821708445058725,0.07922414127476338,0.0,0.12148117307948622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713559851781363,0.0,0.17381578548518753,0.0,0.2520990627914699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716773733588065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832914091219144,0.05417819545854705,0.0,0.0,0.09813949101432166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402395674098214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394674146185886,0.0,0.08851614786780149,0.0,0.0,0.08222799619240967,0.08552984976877577,0.21420814087243253,0.0,0.0,0.10865455747643082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586280248154098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104832586875129,0.12501860394937594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611251755834064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208566448953416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834686730481064,0.0,0.11097611118146923,0.0,0.09396184075530196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235478328422858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338000841611906,0.08913402294190961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734878066952511,0.07105769400931045,0.10895477994026433,0.26411716611984554,0.06466436304651642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577855850058886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970884311326934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689980922341237,0.0,0.0,0.11262029478339265,0.11301252195654506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714134032004101
bpd,GoldenP00p,2019/06/29,"I feel like my life is falling apart time after time Let me start by saying this- I (20M) have BPD which boy oh boy is a bitch to have.

Since I remember myself I was constantly alternating between two emotional modes- totally emotionless due to me not being handle with the constant and extreme pressure of my emotions, and extremely emotional and sensitive.

At times when things got to rough I thought, why? why keep going? what's in it for me? to get better? and why is that? And I always found the answer in the few people I had that loved me and wanted me to keep on going, and I thought, when I give up I'm hurting everyone who loves me so much more then I hurt myself. And kept going...

Since those times I've gotten so much better, I started working out, I started going to work, studying, going to therapy and taking pills. I have worked so hard on myself, even to a point where I'm analyzing my own feelings every minute I'm awake, but no matter what I kept having those falls, where I would just completely collapse mentally and would distance myself from everyone I know to minimize the number of people I'm hurting. I HATE to hurt people, but sometimes people around me get hurt and I can't seem to understand why so when I collapse like that and can't make any active effort to not hurt people and to make everyone around me happy they... well... leave.

And it's tough, it's so tough to go through that again and again and again... and now after about a year and a half of therapy, pills and doing practically everything I could think of to be the most stable version of myself to collapse like that... I wasn't ready for it. Me and my gf (18F) of 6 months broke up a couple of days ago so we could each focus on our own therapy and I feel like no one's here for me anymore. like no one cares. I'm tired of being there for other people 24/7 and making ridiculous efforts to make everyone around me feel as good as they can but the moment I have a slight change in my behavior they just expect me to continue being there for them and then get angry at me for not being able to do that.

my ex responded really bad to all of this, and she was probably the closest anyone has ever got to me and me to her, and she hurt me to the point where I lost trust of other people. I don't know how can I trust someone and let them in my life when I'm just constantly looking for the moment they'll leave me behind after I've exhausted my usefulness to them.

I just really had to get this off my chest... I'm having a really hard time keeping myself... here. And not giving up. I'm just looking for a reason so bad... any reason.

thank you for reading this.",4.306273408239702,5.074305451310863,5.464288389513111,82.3061329588015,70.32958801498128,8.405243445692884,26.256554307116104,8.59863814320734,1.7534666666666672,2077,61,413,33,36,691,228,534,0.182,0.7170000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.9942,0,1,0,0,0,2,68.0,2,1,7,8,35,34,3,1,17,0,34,9,1,8,3,85,92,47,0,6,12,1,7,5,1,3,6,1,0,2,23,35,0,5,16,1,0,8,11,18,1,4,14,10,72,16,73,66,11,65,0,9,2,2,24,24,1,2,38,303,95,4,0.05741505897272794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050894985552897065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777392848978747,0.0,0.0,0.07808841789543944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694031061437504,0.04014594420034578,0.0,0.0,0.15333472555532532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587835202722476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015579077522011,0.0,0.0,0.07231225686672868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058538479135787774,0.0,0.060737519428007765,0.0,0.060198596965695725,0.1861358450284098,0.0,0.09168250536770847,0.06352867070144855,0.0,0.03702796320809043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937526404659576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792210495716922,0.05193520791499276,0.0483746634757116,0.21945019726695852,0.05160095286031375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612311578443513,0.08203465920437614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295264866849076,0.0,0.0,0.11998799437632568,0.11015551256700308,0.19578180686852725,0.04815702742730178,0.09184013525188996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111939790515233,0.10286523074535507,0.05668548405919518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302480568175984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309942743270516,0.0,0.0,0.06310762975580095,0.0,0.0,0.1215885147441068,0.0,0.1174215755777471,0.08110790823491161,0.14025048833712525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642837836996647,0.0,0.06267531922344725,0.0,0.1036386647129048,0.0,0.1532999907981417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786087527851962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582815230041727,0.0,0.08441334921262121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781185974665157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786306086310121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855157783267558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190314443279291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743059630309023,0.0,0.11034467092361436,0.1180644861770657,0.0,0.0,0.06504006941925915,0.0,0.0,0.045658759366839836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226851332996328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498866018617803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048647593148683714,0.0,0.05678496142328445,0.0,0.12191602276375076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316897895523937,0.0,0.0,0.05286007234563822,0.19697737112196054,0.0,0.038144013970699116,0.03678925147125259,0.0,0.09116228700004862,0.16739591303335566,0.06599016419277658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608616988199178,0.059771101241417525,0.0,0.04958817652836515,0.0,0.0,0.03386488935499857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162303328786752,0.0,0.2072326415269545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539654022659394,0.0,0.0,0.08157202115141571,0.0,0.0,0.03697341555178532
bpd,oddsick,2019/06/29,"i received a bpd diagnosis a few days ago and i feel like i've lost my sense of self. i always have done my best to be kind to others and to be empathetic, but since my diagnosis i feel like i must deep down be a bad person.  i found the support subreddit for people abused by people with bpd, and there's like.. a lot of vitriol and just... idk how to explain.  i had to close it and i'm trying to never look at it again, A) because it's a support group for people without bpd and i guess that's not me, and B) because it felt kind of deeply hurtful.  and i don't mean to stir drama as per the rules of the sub, it just kind of feels important to mention because it really feels like a deep cut right now.

obviously i know that not everyone with bpd is abusive or manipulative or toxic, but i guess right now i feel like i must be.  it hurts so much to get this diagnosis.  i really want to help other people with my career and my life, but i'm worried now that i'll always have an underlying fear that i'm doing it for personal gain or something.

does anyone have any advice with coping?  with feeling like a good person and *being* a good person?",4.663235294117644,4.4217406176470595,6.3601680672268905,79.7421848739496,69.29411764705883,9.15294117647059,27.92436974789916,8.841846274778883,1.925761344537816,889,26,189,14,14,309,121,238,0.135,0.6459999999999999,0.218,0.9636,0,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,9,20,1,1,13,0,15,1,0,2,4,48,37,19,0,3,11,0,7,6,0,2,1,0,0,5,15,16,0,0,11,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,8,20,14,29,25,4,16,0,3,1,0,10,8,0,6,13,124,35,1,0.0,0.1989305669548664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820335342354465,0.07441530876986925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970380779545472,0.0,0.0,0.05708788072058835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869876572460525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009351798554563,0.15352273842813918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809880549579517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229209509837383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054139858481452335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346392638477645,0.08590849490909268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021642020242144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446543798286708,0.2546814019851745,0.2998642414477096,0.08060375595057416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204523270132213,0.0,0.0,0.043859643308629216,0.0,0.0,0.14082409205980162,0.0,0.0,0.18495754566489173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056268931679773364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973728030599864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622584343047831,0.0461359179396132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059295331056790176,0.24607807503278964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049562420172821,0.0,0.09163973978174088,0.07137004018198496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144456209232624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061711830524318126,0.0,0.06474628341656863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327973689214105,0.29320248163312285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755915890582228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433831758917591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757662774294564,0.0,0.0,0.06944309346589707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462768156262208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052759936718586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699554294400554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049515019415625486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092338948177301,0.0,0.0,0.08525380956725391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nofapWeenJeem,2019/06/29,"Does education stop the hatred? I'm currently in the aftermath of a failed marriage with a partner that has BPD.

There were many things I was hurt and confused by and it's left me feeling very bitter.

I'm thinking of taking an online course from [Medcircle about BPD](https://www.medcircle.com/series/borderline-personality-disorder-how-to-work-through-the-highs-and-lows-53696) (highly recommend their content) though at this point I have nowhere practical to apply sine the relationship is over.

I'm mostly seeing if understanding her brain a bit better can help me interpret my experiences and heal.

Have others who have been a partner of someone with BPD and it didn't work out take a similar approach to healing? Or maybe you just dropped it all together and were glad to be out?",7.347608695652177,9.36667202173913,6.807942028985512,70.83234782608697,64.28985507246377,10.157681159420287,35.53913043478261,10.355215969177356,4.102142608695653,641,30,101,16,10,199,104,138,0.141,0.765,0.094,-0.8143,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,1,3,4,6,1,1,9,0,12,3,1,0,1,20,21,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,8,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,3,8,2,16,15,3,13,0,2,1,0,9,8,0,4,3,65,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444916489669378,0.1783628628233101,0.0,0.6172941605308687,0.18238020064926252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429703042188163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981180942030573,0.0,0.0,0.08260715907919056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950662013611166,0.17261434441096302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489599936586264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750709365788253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656363069339882,0.1641318489747202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444190241961975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540329055694526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301884866986395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842685632077073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365885677742672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24567488998221845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853889369781304,0.10468391338488202,0.16051481694073896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007882832747745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480124058110468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378774602341335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bloodlusts,2019/06/29,"DAE have a mindset like 'little space'? I've had this for about years, probably kicking in to when I was about a young teenager. Either things in life will become stressful or just randomly-ish my mind will feel like it's being filled with static. No particular thoughts necessarily, but you just feel like your mind has been minimized, 'dumbed down' almost, simplified. I heard this is like little-space because you feel almost childlike but it feels like almost a coping mechanism for what your mind is doing? I find myself just being quiet and painting to deal with this or when stuff was becoming overwhelming, I had sat on my floor with my arms wrapped around my legs and just wanted to stay there in that 'simplified' mindset because it was sorta calming me or keeping my mind from acting out I guess? It's like sensory overload, I don't know. Anyone else experience this? Is this little-space?",6.0813821138211335,7.848253073170731,5.857073170731707,77.41211382113823,67.04878048780488,8.393495934959349,29.52032520325203,8.841846274778883,2.4894569105691047,720,26,120,12,12,224,100,164,0.06,0.8170000000000001,0.12300000000000001,0.8878,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,0,0,10,10,1,2,3,0,17,3,2,0,0,35,28,9,0,1,10,0,4,6,0,2,1,2,0,0,13,7,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,9,6,17,7,18,15,1,17,0,1,0,0,6,10,1,8,10,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713901584606729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644436499748985,0.12667265757490415,0.0,0.11005614013831323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072634517688832,0.2730773308604021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745620859356946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032762776940764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209330156007192,0.0,0.0,0.25004241911513003,0.26496203404701724,0.0,0.0,0.11299478872467288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361914291478343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098872546946306,0.0,0.0,0.06794333885276911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732291347604203,0.3623937006753343,0.12390887078413085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993207304504405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332931163640334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177220744014054,0.0,0.0,0.14161675527178738,0.0,0.14152578039288166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821337032128906,0.0,0.0,0.09814772286972703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291966634023994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961310894102397
bpd,dedicated_good,2019/06/29,"This technique really REALLY helped me during meltdowns It's completely simple.  When you're having terrible times, feelings etc. and rattling round and round feeling very bad all you do is this :-  


Sit alone (I'm not sure even this is important, it's just easier) and just imagine to yourself \*""I'm alone"" (in a good way)\* - so there's nothing to think about and just stay like that, not haing any intention to do anything out -  and picture no-one else actually exists out there- just kind of be you at this moment not really caring about doing a thing and notice just that feeling - of bing alone in a good way, and look to feel what that statement describes - as if you are just imagining that - then stay with those feelings, and keep it rolling, i.e. keep the feeling alive by staying with it, to keep this fantasy going and wipe over any time you notice your brain starting to think about other people or things particularly.   NB this is not 'loneliness' which is alone in a bad way.  


It's funny, but the antidote to loniliness seems to actually be nobody existing.  


The pain and tearing in my chest and the fury literally stops dead and while I hold that picture and I go from boiling crazy to room temperature and body is just a bit stretched and stiff in like... 1 or 2 seconds. As long as I hold that thought, the burning stays down.  It is thinking about things that seems to acutally hurt.  If no-one exists, I dont care what I look like, or my social status, or losing friends, or being furious at people, or that person that I now hate - it all is just - pop - gone and I just need to hold that feeling.  


It is effortless and sitting for an hour like this, gives you a HUGE break from the crazy emotions.   
 Just watching every second to make sure the emotion stays where it is gets your brain used to being without the emotional crap again  


The nice thing about this is that it depends on nobody else, it doesn't need anything, it doesn't need a shrink and it doesn't need anything complex or 'investigating feelings' etc. - it just stops it dead. You get a big emotional breathing space while you're doing it and there's no urgency to do anything 

​

If you try this and it works for you, please do let me know and/or vote up so others know. It is most obvious when you're doing badly",6.1708305788626205,6.724765221967965,5.978515128400713,81.02717433680822,66.11670480549199,8.94546995508094,30.830494109670312,8.841846274778883,2.3521011780659378,1810,64,344,27,27,565,211,437,0.16899999999999998,0.747,0.083,-0.9925,0,4,0,0,0,0,65.0,0,10,0,2,27,24,3,0,18,1,29,9,6,4,5,94,68,41,2,7,27,0,10,4,1,0,2,0,1,1,48,24,1,9,20,1,0,3,10,10,0,2,2,13,21,14,45,61,6,48,0,2,5,0,15,19,1,14,19,229,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.1320558363865007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803078647289656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331126747303769,0.0822161962597147,0.09202435635594224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271878123941416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694837186787678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386889477697223,0.07515673532116811,0.0,0.15106534665245105,0.0,0.0,0.137970931149861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094185397271907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929883951571344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304509550940188,0.3044405732489615,0.0,0.0,0.15092104054983832,0.04468981949434265,0.0,0.057007779005696264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736937250391725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052275150192463433,0.0,0.07070074058682305,0.06490712973984705,0.07690724287863879,0.1135026056987568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680177836689292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535211462842218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663300310997257,0.0,0.07243309492553114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042209904704454,0.0,0.07045909835614493,0.0743700431631598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918852504677189,0.0,0.13222407384523854,0.0,0.0,0.0598783477245026,0.1136373317977246,0.07569597381799839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045164613917074777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006807452457507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649230876610769,0.15406625954031242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199666589744191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381600685617836,0.059079460722830615,0.0,0.07427206991739414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003717571344098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231930784745166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897243534797455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789119746854631,0.36059107929123707,0.0,0.11313618071548555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127540431256188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980532473769886,0.13006437876582885,0.0,0.05371571745984306,0.07890799464850984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593775498735592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843785993971527,0.0,0.055827869651067216,0.0,0.16111978089485127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652233253118092,0.0,0.04925841848943503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822161962597147,0.0
bpd,cailedoll,2019/06/29,I feel like I’ve ruined everything I  can hear them in the next room having a good time and joking like friends. Meanwhile I’m alone in a different room feeling like shit because I know I’ve ruined the mood and I’ve fucked everything up. I’m jus looking for some motivation and help to get though this,7.499453551912566,6.16709686885246,7.428524590163933,78.01961748633883,63.91803278688525,10.756284153005463,35.087431693989075,9.725611199111238,3.080471038251366,243,9,49,4,3,78,41,61,0.215,0.4920000000000001,0.293,0.4215,1,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,1,11,2,0,4,0,2,2,1,1,0,8,11,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,6,5,11,1,7,0,2,1,1,4,5,2,1,5,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337981676260665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376087775913512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23584985749159534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40576043077422536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228281469971537,0.32253686038795026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440587104743374,0.2086926418962835,0.11793963480109952,0.0,0.0,0.1893396837709999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25442495888101724,0.0,0.15130850942544746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406059198253737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308549285011483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895644274834215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400766476653996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231718476770662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221788031278966,0.0,0.13163058822988985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jadeturtles,2019/06/29,"chaos it feels like my life is fucking falling apart. me and my fp are not on speaking terms, and i have never wanted to not exist more. one of my closest friends has become abusive and also an alcoholic, her home was the only place i could go for some comfort, but now she makes it clear of her distaste for my presence. i’ve not felt this alone in years, and it’s literally my worst fear. on top of everything, i cannot kick my weed addiction and it’s fucking me over financially. i thought getting my septum pierced today would lighten my mood up for a little but i still feel terrible. everything is spiraling out of control",3.2689578713968963,5.407208756097564,4.3123725055432365,84.06106430155212,75.26016260162599,7.074353288987436,29.881005173688106,8.00094639256281,2.17939674796748,499,23,94,8,11,162,88,123,0.172,0.745,0.08199999999999999,-0.9351,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,2,1,3,0,9,5,0,2,2,23,19,8,0,3,5,0,3,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,5,6,1,1,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,4,18,3,14,14,4,19,0,0,0,2,5,11,2,1,7,67,23,0,0.0,0.2182313628264661,0.0,0.20079091241587796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683978560844928,0.0,0.19076208472548947,0.0,0.1472942006189294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341996468625664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065812746154613,0.14705825545418535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33107062582886565,0.0,0.0,0.2072614740566977,0.18626086576357945,0.13158316105117265,0.17684831224571515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230234516886786,0.3405556496805197,0.0962300553287666,0.0,0.10467766215695956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847544824381398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009665738001608,0.08998441767591375,0.18460366548775867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294618868398433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205629516103627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480981297462042,0.14008244030507647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243611254158605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470918994933001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622382793394628,0.0,0.0,0.17458764862411408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863820812316388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308410920522702,0.0,0.0,0.11861032739934807
bpd,-piledriverwaltz,2019/06/29,"Does anyone else feel like.. good after a break up? That might be a really dumb question without context! But does anyone go through a phase of like.. feeling bubbly, outgoing and maybe even just really happy after a break up? But then go into a depressive, lonely spell and miss the other person unbearably?",4.965272727272726,7.594600436363642,5.6490909090909085,74.15363636363638,71.9090909090909,8.036363636363637,25.54545454545455,8.841846274778883,2.469472727272727,244,8,36,5,5,79,41,55,0.162,0.659,0.179,0.2805,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,7,5,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,8,5,0,10,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,2,5,25,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105060200067915,0.2275025257482589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912396216801759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886110911229431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548291695378305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466529448375636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453654554164285,0.1586228449693864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25237680024458153,0.186233593699866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23636187125195102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695153423341132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306540252048224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23554552699882955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387361579106616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24873157784190886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844844004371058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403516141491896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,huge-gold-ak47,2019/06/29,"tips for not bouncing from one extreme to the other? I find myself being so enthralled with the possibility of something wonderful that when one thing goes wrong I convince myself it was all a waste of time and I should have known better... Also works in the opposite direction, but this one seems to be the most troubling. Walked away from a marriage I never should have, a job I never should have, etc... Trying hard to not act on my feelings, but the feelings are so hard to leave at ""feelings."" Does anyone have any advice on trying to find a ""grey area?""",4.0059047619047625,6.134523304761906,4.3561904761904815,84.6104761904762,73.09523809523809,6.19047619047619,25.0,6.937597516519254,1.0818571428571429,437,14,79,4,9,137,70,105,0.135,0.8170000000000001,0.048,-0.8498,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,9,0,11,0,0,0,3,21,16,7,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,1,6,8,2,16,10,3,12,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,3,4,66,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298903134823276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156867000018467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038463635168865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378160612820067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632297825641482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656626325504158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491778554688992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743223754954906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685309699407553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32359949507091296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171633830024193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567228215542802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874463528203469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730687384377177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598748454089115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957168493802094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115900768527436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628426637955615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760907378108185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322604381235052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403798362935778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197855828434893,0.12887798474076526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355156527613146,0.0,0.0
bpd,DaisyDee85,2019/06/29,Failed. Time to punish myself. Failed making my partners birthday cake. So naturally the first instinct is to hurt myself. Fuck i hate this. Fuck I can't wait for the new meds to start working. Fuck I wish I wasn't so useless.,0.06853535353535277,1.9339223181818213,1.3348484848484858,94.20005050505054,109.9090909090909,2.8646464646464653,18.52525252525253,5.033348758259628,-0.3759868686868684,178,6,34,1,9,56,32,44,0.45399999999999996,0.46,0.086,-0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,4,2,9,5,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,11,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,1,0,7,0,4,10,0,4,0,4,0,3,1,0,3,0,4,20,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213708515557974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6968147106849008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480520122505229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689625244874574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770771135938325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790760947740741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426535856896116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783221033300464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650273790403248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889188733236505,0.0,0.0,0.18290905010753888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Atd41,2019/06/29,"I'm too afriad to ever commit I feel so frustrated. I've been seeing a girl for about 6 months and I can't commit to her because I feel like I'll just ruin it later, but I like her too much to just let her go and I don't enjoy being around others as much as her. She left me a voice mail last night saying she loved me, and I haven't said anything to her at all today. When I saw she stopped sharing her location, I knew it was over and I felt so fucking terrible about stringing her along for so long just because I fucking hate being alone. I'm such a shitty person and I'm going to do everything I can to not hurt anyone like this ever again.",2.5932857142857126,3.337280328571431,4.451428571428573,88.08357142857143,74.28571428571428,6.742857142857144,22.57142857142857,6.742157984588678,0.5377285714285711,506,12,111,4,10,173,82,140,0.187,0.6559999999999999,0.157,-0.7695,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,16,13,4,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,5,22,26,12,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,6,8,23,6,16,17,3,17,0,2,2,3,17,4,2,0,14,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102716521528647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221550316315265,0.0,0.14383524217901975,0.15559795648436964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309770875488926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31621065059713394,0.0,0.0,0.15708775925282753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767556512513851,0.1248682444912359,0.16782343663846488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32317650516574103,0.0,0.0,0.19867155959116906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256649692353573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871136631120531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247516340293587,0.0,0.0,0.18990715993006085,0.178732088973024,0.0,0.2561770710703873,0.0,0.0,0.15468146149695666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775256762968148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951373679199325,0.0,0.2569778878838415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640262540231907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261772704726714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626296448841227,0.13899805723776146,0.0,0.0,0.1392830295119489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613019936498656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656781385960752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SeriousPaper,2019/06/29,"Therapists/Counselors can’t diagnose you right? Long story short, I was diagnosed years back and absolutely refused the diagnosis and stormed out of the office and never returned. Now, almost 6 years later I’ve come to terms with the fact that she was not wrong. However, if I was to have a personality disorder on my medical records, I would lose my job immediately as my job hinges on near perfect mental health. So if I were to go see a therapist, NOT a doctor- they couldn’t diagnose me right? They couldn’t put BPD on any official records?",5.0779411764705875,7.012105764705888,6.157009803921567,73.62904411764707,69.78431372549021,10.198039215686274,33.338235294117645,10.411451182825502,3.892682352941178,436,21,78,13,8,145,73,102,0.085,0.851,0.063,-0.2912,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,2,3,3,0,0,6,0,9,6,0,0,3,18,12,7,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,4,1,12,1,11,5,1,20,0,1,1,0,6,8,0,3,9,50,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665776866545495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317957702140685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797605894859845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096154811741333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336657022078614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067754216564051,0.0,0.0,0.19074567608426107,0.17035036962888073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945872328106197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690960495483146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303164787681428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472872256120336,0.0,0.18619501701934665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766289315893507,0.16772447352896586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836274316542612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532214383330522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731029117808033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28426431310074435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262488467021352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324056725821126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822863235698455,0.1819674416408742,0.0,0.21435371062535827
bpd,Tweela98,2019/06/29,"HELP. partner cheating on me? am i paranoid? To sum up: my partner is used to sent me pictures, text messages and audio recordings telling me how is it going, what is happening and saying how much he love me, all of that while partying (without me obvsly).

TODAY s/he was like: ok. hahah. yes. i was with the boys all the time (i didnt ask that). im ok.

AM I CRAZY??????? please im losing my mind i dont wanna end up in those bad episodes just for having doubts about my sanity bc of this matter.


srry 4 my english pls pardon me im learning :(",-1.9388095238095249,-0.7214782142857104,1.0853571428571451,95.59297619047621,116.85714285714286,3.295238095238096,17.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.32250119047618986,408,14,87,4,24,141,79,112,0.13,0.6559999999999999,0.215,0.8409,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,2,3,10,1,0,3,2,15,16,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,4,2,15,4,13,12,3,10,0,1,0,1,11,4,0,1,5,55,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636243167054148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644632586450842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336330696353191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656217465389235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329343115648595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762817958803415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361801786508534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6459865457195343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973908207257838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301817819956027,0.0,0.0,0.17991835064153425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128353081197528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654290080381127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882302173578935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585286475926129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742379678432839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624077427290473,0.0,0.18895754206384674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217170748039906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216328760273274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dopehope11,2019/06/29,"advice on being better to my FP my boyfriend & fp has had to deal with the repercussions of my latest downward spiral & i can feel it creating distance between us. i relapsed and self harmed again after almost a year clean. the suicidal thoughts are the most aggressive they’ve been in months. i am making terrible impulsive decisions, causing me to burn through my money ridiculously fast. i feel like i am completely out of control of my emotions- one minute i am crying, the next i am unnecessarily angry, then im on top of the world. i also freeze up and fail to communicate what i am really thinking/feeling. he is the absolute most amazing person i have ever known: very empathetic, a good listener, patient, kind, forgiving, thoughtful. i hate myself enough already but i am so angry with myself for letting things get this bad. how can i get a handle on myself and stop hurting him? i know i need to go back to a therapist & back on meds, but apart from that, what are sone everyday strategies i can try?",5.86583971002819,7.090111282722518,6.697068062827227,73.21654853000403,67.06282722513089,9.855980668546113,33.54047523157471,10.035473477838034,3.5884124848973027,809,36,138,19,13,268,129,191,0.17800000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.11,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,4,7,14,3,0,10,0,18,0,0,4,1,26,30,9,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,6,6,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,8,0,1,4,4,27,6,24,24,3,25,0,2,0,0,8,11,0,3,14,102,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313491073041092,0.0,0.0,0.13642750793198588,0.0,0.15034734410054826,0.10895333707462916,0.0,0.4428571284235155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095246436709701,0.1137570671160207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049570611152464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399589099904649,0.0,0.0,0.14284800876369733,0.0,0.15280791200133867,0.0,0.0,0.14965634461830535,0.0,0.1404603690707761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325483913986945,0.0,0.1407752571234633,0.0,0.0,0.12323943429467245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066653962553583,0.09733190063907506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236250457776548,0.0,0.07742993655722834,0.11427401671651755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345115821931308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585076085949114,0.0,0.14716562923169707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418759355137703,0.07487549297494357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931751820341873,0.0,0.06656136188194284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909431429169629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513350636415234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087477222295492,0.0,0.0,0.10102232761845438,0.0,0.0,0.14489578889200275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232166348779958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896197872605375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728064170723697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213097881609313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390510135632904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902753627563675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818841949889664,0.09051367833496228,0.0,0.0,0.2163231674605713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249993423546392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388334205281416,0.0,0.0,0.11241459824606467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773591171526753
bpd,007creeptown,2019/06/29,"I think I’m a bad person deep down Or like maybe there is something structurally wrong with my brain ):

It’s been a really hard week switching wise. I’ve lashed out a lot and think I lost someone and did irrefutable damage to people. Now I’m alone in bed, I hate being alone. I’m not right.

But I got into a DBT program finally and I have an appointment on Tuesday. I really want to be different.",0.7040740740740752,3.1221695925925954,2.719617283950619,89.99127777777781,87.64197530864197,6.202962962962962,20.44567901234568,7.554174236665415,0.9301841975308648,311,10,64,6,10,104,61,81,0.281,0.636,0.083,-0.9442,1,2,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,5,0,6,1,1,0,0,13,15,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,1,7,2,8,9,1,11,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,2,5,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332515420733794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463913007437207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334907529416204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852676497330256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291235942540852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728365670853915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736549004479536,0.20650133037604892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218458184907704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283218890372332,0.17781960570626668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101284506891604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500459942822955,0.18262967746395187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679853784299643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862074714384568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721984510717753,0.16102091050911882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680414394774964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233674691309356,0.0,0.16777483117976544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286826652786897,0.0,0.0
bpd,dearredpanda,2019/06/29,Fear of abandonment coping skills I struggle with fear of abandonment a lot. Started a new relationship recently and haven’t told my bf about my diagnosis. (Although he did mention that he dated a BPD girl for two years before). If he hasn’t replied my text for 2 minute I immediately feel abandoned (ridiculous I know). He sent me a hand written card which helps me a lot. I also screenshot our conversation (the nice things he said) for me to read over and over again to remind myself that I’m not abandoned. Mostly trying to use logic but it’s funny how the BPD brain doesn’t accept logic too well. I would like to know how others cope with fear of abandonment :) Thanks for your input!,3.695279898218829,6.040655061068707,4.430858778625956,82.73931615776084,74.72519083969465,6.809414758269721,24.65712468193384,7.793537801064563,1.4179002544529258,547,18,100,8,12,175,89,131,0.156,0.6609999999999999,0.183,0.7133,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,1,7,15,1,4,7,0,5,2,2,3,0,25,16,8,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,5,6,1,0,1,4,10,1,1,5,3,14,5,16,10,3,9,0,5,0,0,16,2,0,4,7,64,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965255487759395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795776501402202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083854643948585,0.1809868642071465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5473123760385225,0.08197606225664641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867001855356362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820103950136518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920684997665417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27566841449498536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658284605328365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621704380277916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008042312907675,0.17406325586058002,0.0,0.0,0.15421948923706472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147540166560998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169489886433376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492643579953852,0.0,0.0,0.10770968528901784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491887994793907,0.0,0.11007329487689434,0.0,0.15837409538744995,0.0,0.0,0.14002529707621586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577125190264267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517005962399846,0.0,0.0,0.10440419186617356
bpd,nikkirose120,2019/06/29,"I’m awful So I was having an episode because I was trying to accept that my FP who is also my longtime friend and crush has no romantic or sexual interest in me. All the thoughts swirling through my head, until my brain just gets really quiet and decides this is too much pain and I want to die. And it says, “maybe I’ll tell him I want to die and he’ll sleep with me if he realizes he could lose me.” Like a suicide attempt would awaken his nonexistent “buried feelings” or something. I hate myself for even having that thought for a fraction of a second. I look in the mirror and wonder how I can think such sociopathic things, even if I never act on them? Why can’t I just handle the fact that he doesn’t like me that way? Going in and out of this crap, feeling so strong and triumphant for one part of the day and literally wanting to die the next and then feeling nothing and then being angry, it’s exhausting. Even if my friend did like me back I wouldn’t be emotionally stable enough to maintain a healthy relationship.",5.163800904977375,5.717844882352942,5.742745098039213,81.83966063348419,68.31372549019608,8.433785822021116,29.90799396681749,8.384062270229773,2.0712048265460026,812,29,160,11,13,263,128,204,0.17800000000000002,0.653,0.16899999999999998,-0.7847,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,3,12,13,2,0,10,1,16,6,4,1,3,40,32,23,4,9,7,0,3,3,2,3,2,2,0,0,10,13,0,0,10,0,0,2,5,5,0,2,5,6,24,8,19,21,4,15,0,1,1,0,13,5,1,6,10,117,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108751869278371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456860372938773,0.0,0.08289878712547849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181081326118442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857766365720407,0.0,0.0,0.08770287677010623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234112352001244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297145254945915,0.0,0.1405149467779352,0.0,0.2694621099651756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628324713478693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013245565381086,0.0,0.07104962961060063,0.0,0.0772867593117998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426285413428227,0.1395658912322405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993148458064344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419810128085199,0.1521390259322085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366211320429037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996895484287503,0.0,0.1048845614871907,0.0,0.14462785918871005,0.0,0.0,0.13048693106209924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215094965204958,0.0,0.14470389992392207,0.0,0.0,0.14726488663438514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871192493257562,0.0,0.0,0.14600332762735865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814541765967144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608910559634116,0.0,0.0,0.10469243457601776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487519664755611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886203592051828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034630768074477,0.08713747418714986,0.0,0.2159231599619665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232889075570637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24063285911058,0.10794324227728436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227106303447104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474763242090387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660402975349147,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Brokenbutcontent,2019/06/29,"How BPD has destroyed me. **2018 \~ 2019** 

**December 2018** \- lost best friend of 8 years

**March 2019** \- lost girlfriend of 3 years 

**June 2019** \- lost cat of 2 years due to unknown illness - cat had to be put down, 

**Overview:** 2018 leading into 2019 has been a year full of stressors, incidents of hallucinations growing frequent with each stressor feelings of hopelessness and suicidal ideations. Reports of nightmares following the passing of his cat. Has devalued alot of his Inner-Relationships and has caused those relationships to thin and eventually disappear.

​

**Thesis:**

*Borderline Personality disorder is one that is the most destructive personality disorders by far.*

​

I once had a loving girlfriend of 3 years who throughout each cycle of idolization to hatred stood by my side and wanted to fight this illness with me. Basic relationship knowledge shows one person cannot be the sole supporter. Throughout these 3 years she became more and more tired, moved to alcohol as a way to cope. I slowly saw what my illness was doing to yet another one of my relationships,   
I panicked I tried my hardest to keep her close but doing so pushed her further away. 

We were ""friends"" for two weeks, she was dedicated to finding me a place to live and getting me the help I truly needed, 

this of course was the prime time to devalue her. In this process I ""split"" so hard on her I said things that I won't name on this post.

What I said warranted a 911 call, and thats exactly what I got, for 3 days the police called me and I refused to pick up, hell 

I may have a warrant for my arrest as I'm writing this. 

After she cut ties for good, I had to move back home (aprox 8th time I've moved out) yet again, this caused a big ego-deflation and a hit to my self-esteem. 

The moment I came back in town I messaged someone from high-school who happens to be a girl, and right away she became my FP lets call her HK.

We hung out everyday all day for aprox 3 weeks, during this time My cat Lenny, was suffering from an unknown illness we took him to the vet and they couldn't give us any resolve, we took him home and his issues only got worse, I couldn't be at home with my dying cat so I went to HK's house to escape the fact my cat was dying, I escaped with alcohol in the beginning I got so drunk that by the time I made it homeI was too drunk to even resemble my cat let alone remember he was dying.

The day came he could barely lift his head up and we decided it was time he be put down, I refused to go to the vet - instead I went to HK's

I disassociated the whole time I was there, I couldn't believe I lost yet another thing holding me down in my life. I returned home -  Drunk none the less. This is where the nightmares really started to ramp up ( I was experiencing them before we put him down) I would see Lenny dying in all these dreams from different methods I won't mention here as I'm sure its TOS. 

I made phone calls to my support network explaining what was going on - Mainly HK & my Social Worker , neither of them gave me any time of day.

Here begins the cycle of devaluing HK. She's aware I suffer from BPD - things resolve we continue hanging out , up until 2 days ago when she hit's me with the line 'I'm getting burnt out' , ' I need time to myself' but of course she doesn't want to push me over the edge so she adds the classic line 'We can still hang out though'.   
I have finally realized that in the end of the day the only person who will be here for me, is me. tough pill to swallow. 

​

This is semi-detailed description backing up my point on why BPD is the most destructive (In my case and my case only, illnesses and cases vary)

I have received stigma from all aspects when it comes to inner-relationships, healthcare and family dynamics. 

This will be the illness that kills me, each day I grow more and more tired. I'm telling this too people but nobody believes me. 

They will believe me when I disappear and never come back. 

​

​

*BPD has ruined me*

*It will ruin you too.*

​

*Stay Safe*

*Take your medication daily*

*Seek therapy* 

*Don't resort to substances*

*Take it from me.* 

​

​

TL;DR BPD will destroy everything around you when it comes to relationships, just another human expressing themselves",2.1106246888999536,4.827908719512198,3.257899452463913,86.6082404181185,83.75609756097559,6.176207068193131,24.342956694873074,7.523968598718282,1.4324594325535092,3370,131,635,58,98,1083,370,820,0.153,0.7909999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9978,1,1,3,0,1,1,162.0,9,3,4,9,34,30,8,0,36,0,58,19,1,7,7,95,110,36,6,9,4,0,3,0,4,9,13,2,4,6,37,48,6,5,9,5,0,29,11,18,0,4,36,8,107,12,105,50,20,128,1,9,2,1,79,43,1,4,53,419,144,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033534551796196986,0.08085883075699897,0.0,0.03918110120876028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689050357602882,0.3677466399756916,0.051452221985130914,0.1190060743202306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03367726204871023,0.0,0.0,0.07108620383648412,0.1163576109240992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03219106140960875,0.12786642281166738,0.03970088957392119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238231634909972,0.0,0.1545171236503901,0.08653627568723124,0.0,0.07772491153644605,0.0,0.09776315820898784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03020466251889445,0.0,0.0,0.17078328948009547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704879542941436,0.03952493396453638,0.08671430947948319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033506690340811815,0.0,0.0,0.024986760072567147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03399971151635019,0.0,0.035663330780622116,0.0,0.019128292299845518,0.0,0.0,0.04144158237878242,0.03457649073679188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058455668445107425,0.0,0.03952986299753106,0.036290566759032326,0.043000013143809225,0.03173051948179216,0.09076978033641267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033453482088467164,0.0,0.033888794455719316,0.0,0.038825118369903835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02535705938904948,0.03997011484045651,0.15178873905887075,0.0,0.0,0.04365144288218089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039485326490041335,0.0,0.03362558297532128,0.04185396314598791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736872042355611,0.02672087751118353,0.0,0.0,0.03340512032389953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651863118544286,0.0,0.034143601104782775,0.0715924727860484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038110358001475685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062384933146207,0.0,0.056101833587337696,0.029177297396679014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028836331000348,0.07690499798807696,0.08631564724816526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026226980560733682,0.13212891231166402,0.03952493396453638,0.0,0.03576215289034067,0.0,0.036231265520496034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409063103933405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024235256462062364,0.0,0.0,0.24369549439981966,0.04285470470369828,0.032307132887905834,0.07197114345951107,0.0,0.0,0.03828659540101971,0.03014609696550442,0.0,0.039465575131379424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03856354116352287,0.032053751749458737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026776699352880292,0.04032239505330186,0.03021157275214925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041380545455475135,0.08585945224446842,0.03565490072916425,0.0,0.05688781890934279,0.0,0.03306561921080494,0.0,0.04326259769869805,0.0,0.07539892574794882,0.0,0.03716838069634214,0.0,0.17647465596403428,0.08696143854337902,0.0,0.0,0.08406239584685953,0.02568449985095025,0.0,0.03695500742412326,0.0,0.04550556396952474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462694600698383,0.030028176094064524,0.060690864335099765,0.0,0.0,0.07013870602831873,0.034136239924488984,0.0422365232922243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03855262193946479,0.02687377880851876,0.0,0.3677466399756916,0.14617002898428955
bpd,MissMessyMood,2019/06/29,"Obsessing How do you keep yourself from obsessing and focussing on only one thing? 

This may come as a surprise to you, but as someone with BPD, I'm pretty crap at relationships of all kinds. Heh. After getting burned for what felt like the billionth time some 7/8 years ago (it was my fault, but that didn't stop the BPD from ravaging me, just made it worse), I pretty much shut down. I'm talking ghosting people, never ever leaving the house (except for medical appointments), not making any new connections and losing yourself. 

I only have relationships with the family I live with (and I am way, way, wayyy too old to be at home at this point - but that's a different post) and those relationships are so fraught, it's a wonder we're all still alive. So I have been/am nearly completely isolated. 

But lately I've been unable to ignore how much I miss EVERYTHING and I ended up emailing a few old friends. Long story short, one was a guy I really liked. We've been talking. Some others replied too and I spent the day chatting to people. 

It was really good, made me happy but I can feel all my anxieties creeping in. I can't stop thinking about it, especially the guy and it drives me mad because I KNOW I need to step back, chill out and breathe but I just obsess. So single-minded and intense. 

Help. Please. 

Oh and it doesn't help that the years have been a bitch and I'm now nowhere near as attractive as I once was and I was never hot in the first place. There's been a whole load of nasty neglect of self care for the past few years and a whole lot of picking at my skin all over so I'm really scarred. Everywhere. Ugh. Now I remember why I left this behind...",2.421780015197569,4.679962860182371,3.51938354863222,88.14238839285713,78.45288753799392,6.665691489361702,23.35115881458968,7.756953410329674,1.170225607902735,1307,43,262,21,32,421,186,329,0.157,0.701,0.142,-0.5175,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,2,0,2,17,22,3,3,17,1,21,4,3,6,7,57,40,29,1,1,10,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,1,3,17,18,0,5,6,1,1,3,6,12,0,3,14,4,26,10,38,24,13,48,0,3,0,0,15,18,2,5,26,173,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840521635825669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448081675973391,0.0,0.07253700136716877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291068781019297,0.0,0.05780136075634292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23884481259434806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667525731158873,0.0,0.0,0.08167899003659951,0.09941691238605052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061151022775337585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906666519258857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398233066456891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577007231544667,0.0,0.0,0.08521805603665276,0.0,0.08938780905406303,0.0,0.04794381517942641,0.0,0.09104202068795453,0.0,0.0,0.08065380008696489,0.0,0.0,0.07325765730129218,0.0,0.049539509745911335,0.0,0.0,0.07953047442685296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777331394428007,0.0,0.10093759876309538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711162604433285,0.0,0.09511213988265244,0.0,0.0,0.10940949024892677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428032728683732,0.0,0.09874038548198508,0.052110564154003516,0.0,0.10696103241408562,0.1004006349546088,0.1030221519083143,0.0,0.0,0.09264847497398238,0.0,0.0837277520517853,0.0839126709577897,0.0,0.10607926880420493,0.0,0.08061252975274208,0.0,0.1794418565801684,0.0632930521729854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552112294202453,0.0,0.0,0.09574111824981757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940714511447014,0.07030779064265914,0.14626198009665872,0.09157769749837608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899517185545412,0.10098015097939456,0.12850490265473755,0.14422968776263148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051637031627448,0.1314724272305667,0.0,0.09906666519258857,0.10408382998487316,0.08963550021696029,0.0,0.0908113003817604,0.19293195281599088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223226178729526,0.0,0.0,0.3054034191974956,0.1074125180479179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891788615463093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034063499205714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757233336674041,0.15854744605644394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242536640376594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299416076321927,0.0607567945869256,0.0,0.0,0.055290274719537104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505273238469622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556025557354507,0.2117261734399881,0.0,0.0,0.1028281898228898,0.0,0.0,0.09662962861368064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183182814872888
bpd,WeakVanilla,2019/06/29,Has anyone used Risperidone for their bpd? I’ve never seen a post about people taking risperidone/risperdal for their bpd. I was just prescribed it as a mood stabilizer and I’m wondering if anyone else has taken it and whether it was effective for you.,4.988617021276597,7.327288234042555,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,70.91489361702128,7.253191489361702,28.77127659574468,8.07648339933343,2.0972595744680853,205,8,35,3,4,63,33,47,0.0,0.9279999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,9,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,4,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668913871151029,0.2688151335750027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6608573980688488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916510567440992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234542788090454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181884892607972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25126490725785594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725936062420524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659169230404816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28451432223440604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rando_345,2019/06/29,"I might have an fp How can you tell *for sure* if someone you’re close to is an fp? For a while I just thought that I thought of them as a really good friend, but I’m afraid that my desire to constantly be around them is my BPD and not just me being a close friend. 

If it helps, I’m also very scared that this person is going to leave me and give up on me at any given point. I just can’t tell if this is an fp or I’m overreacting. Please help!

If it is an fp, what do I do?",-0.4240366972477077,0.9044580183486276,1.976596330275232,100.30544495412843,83.49541284403671,5.460917431192661,15.487155963302753,6.2581,-0.8949970642201834,360,5,99,3,10,123,65,109,0.048,0.752,0.2,0.9556,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,6,6,0,2,7,0,13,0,0,1,1,21,21,12,0,5,10,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,13,4,11,15,0,10,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,6,2,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941759953458454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556269016304984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746095560143102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510703721963286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215423119654022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080297551381991,0.0,0.0,0.1912316579376454,0.1132934056862666,0.16720267523007595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26723597565113194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107952492662055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21147549950710487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406197546204302,0.0,0.2188229725407893,0.1884472026587264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770669316236932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995809676951745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890593445044735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788204177999596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484758573434687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165182545685657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448202401324516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blueopalsong,2019/06/29,"i feel so lost too many things have happened but mostly i just know that above all, i am too much of a burden on everyone around me. no matter how hard i try i am still incredibly selfish and manage to hurt those i love. i have BPD, and i go out of my way to avoid playing into negative stereotypes, but reading a certain askreddit thread today made me feel very uncertain about whether i have been successful in that. i have tried SO much not to be manipulative or abusive, like some of my family members, but it seems like i’ve ended up like them anyway. BPD always gets demonized in media (etc) and that’s really unfair, but right now i feel like i deserve it. i don’t know how to respond to people, my anxiety builds up, and i shut off. i have felt very vulnerable all day, relapsed in several self-harm behaviors, and i think i’ve just massively fucked up. i didn’t call my s/o yesterday night when i said i would, because i got stuck being lectured about college and expenses and how i’m such a heavy weight on my family in so many ways. despite my scholarship and other attempts at independence it’s not enough and i am always too much to handle. and my s/o got sick and i think it triggered me, and i didn’t check in with her and i feel like shit and don’t know how to make it better. i can’t tell her how bad things get because i don’t want her to worry, or think i’m manipulating her, or, i don’t know. and i know i’m bad for her because what else could i be? i’ve put her through so much, waiting for me to ‘get better’ or whatever all these months, but she deserves the world and i am nothing. i love her so so much and i wish desperately she were with me but i shouldn’t have ever subjected her to my existence. i have never intended to be manipulative or hurt her in any way but i have, undeniably, and she deserves happiness. i can’t give her that. i don’t think i can give anyone that.  i feel really hopeless and i just wish i could fold myself into a tiny tiny piece of dust and drift away to somewhere i can’t hurt anyone anymore. she needs to stop giving me more chances because i’m not good for her. i made her cry yesterday because i didn’t want to touch her intimately, i just wanted to lie next to her. i have sexual trauma that’s difficult to unpack and she has a high libido and i can’t give her what she needs; she shouldn’t have to put up with me like this. but i miss her so much. i love her. but i know she should have better. i’m just awful for everyone i love and selfish and grotesque. my suicidal ideation has been mostly passive these past few months, but realizing that i have made my gf’s life worse and made her unhappy makes me feel like i should just stop being a pussy about it and end it all. i don’t want to be a force of negativity in this world. but i don’t think i can balance it out at this point. i know i’m experiencing a semi-manic episode and that’s why i feel more motivated to act on my suicidal thoughts, but it’ll happen eventually anyway. why not now. i’ve hurt those i love, and i’ll continue to do so despite my best efforts. i might as well cut the cord as soon as possible.

i’m sorry this is a stupidly long vent. tl,dr; i try my best not to be manipulative and hurtful but i am anyway. i have BPD and my emotions are very intense. i am overall just a burden to those i love and on the world as a whole. and my conclusion is that i should end my miserable stain of a life as soon as i can.",2.597384250098933,3.851980993074797,4.42519489513257,86.29971952908589,74.94182825484766,7.761020973486347,25.081222793826672,8.362691859325677,1.4263366838148002,2695,88,595,47,56,917,270,722,0.228,0.638,0.134,-0.9979,0,1,0,0,0,1,69.0,0,0,1,11,39,47,4,3,15,1,62,12,1,19,7,147,129,71,2,16,31,0,11,7,1,8,3,1,0,0,32,40,1,4,25,2,3,5,25,23,1,0,17,13,119,24,70,95,22,63,1,9,0,7,42,31,2,11,31,414,151,7,0.0,0.06506007518860547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091380026493052,0.0,0.0,0.03734108708273362,0.0,0.04200645433609415,0.0,0.05445655462033522,0.07678952852705842,0.0,0.0,0.04888207064147181,0.0,0.0,0.05159031088309865,0.0,0.09169610523269886,0.16736494309195302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525056198896134,0.1456918751661627,0.0,0.0,0.207473913821006,0.0,0.05606985614411514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768328285208446,0.0,0.06031670942634799,0.03541279067789418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587075555698728,0.061767027814005164,0.14590346464322015,0.05673732243020965,0.061239827595103664,0.0,0.049669776227516116,0.0,0.10493885197470687,0.0,0.0,0.10352964276057057,0.0,0.1943511244677641,0.11768441860051645,0.05272278165092794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076395960496643,0.08606555749832782,0.21070098220790556,0.03120695615100335,0.046056401276212536,0.0878340368663339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711451437390774,0.05845334868165718,0.04918910694529672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058016057669799885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939146343848911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112419861055644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756995329457388,0.18778579910703305,0.0,0.0,0.04859414801234797,0.0,0.0,0.05994140017523791,0.0,0.2973537312049059,0.20783092800498565,0.07330649615466202,0.1113414481060314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058251463094023175,0.0,0.0,0.08765822497170113,0.0,0.2421936293892656,0.08143101979507163,0.04235043544836856,0.0,0.058398039976124035,0.05152987299690557,0.0,0.052688196169615016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241837551449337,0.038068092193123834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190826027805599,0.06190344459527027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040062734174297,0.0,0.0,0.054925453878154624,0.0,0.07035426553852463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689334749855389,0.05223254957078759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998854274529155,0.05728372540167009,0.06203334187013468,0.056364935953785125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146791471276921,0.0,0.0,0.04385167153210079,0.0918154311226984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012655560962615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799427969318771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296031784237589,0.17592245814687704,0.0,0.04359287829455152,0.0,0.0,0.05204882286107945,0.0,0.0,0.11184206729357077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592097297941427,0.12955076479027947,0.13075642161244214,0.0,0.06686631084682076,0.049371218765329815,0.0,0.0990965411029907,0.06130571755609057,0.12628894702953367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576437392669791,0.05595858672635316,0.039006910722767976,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fantasy_is_reality,2019/06/29,"Had a great evening with my FP and my friends. They all had fun! Or did they? We've only been dating for a few months, but he already is my new FP. However, this has definitely been the healthiest relationship I've ever had (and I've been in long-term relationships before) and I'm trying so hard not to let my BPD screw it up.

He met my friends tonight! Exciting, I know, and they all absolutely loved him. He seemed to have fun, too. They don't really have much in common, but the conversation wasn't boring and many laughs were shared. Were it any other mentally stable person, they'd be thrilled that it went so well. I mean, he even said ""Very glad to have met you, I genuinely hope we'll hang out again soon"".

But I'm not a mentally stable person, and I'm freaking out! I can't help looking for flaws in this otherwise completely fine evening and torturing myself. Like, for example:

- He wanted to eat. We didn't. He tried to make at least one of us eat because he didn't want to eat alone. In the end, no one was hungry so he didn't eat. I felt really bad. :(
- He only stayed for an hour and a half. Which wasn't so little, considering we talked all the time, but wasn't long either - our dates mostly last for 3 or 4 hours. Was he bored? Was he annoyed?
- They didn't have many things in common. But they're my friends. Does he find me not interesting, since I hang out with them? Ugh, of course not! That doesn't even make sense.
- He fell asleep as soon as he came home. He usually stays up late. What if he's lying, and is actually thinking about how awful the night went and trying to think of ways to dump me?
- He didn't say ""Love you"" before falling asleep. He does this almost every night. Why not now? Does he hate me? Does he find my friends boring? 

Ugh. Help me get over these irrational fears. I can't sleep. :(",0.5401378579003193,2.9307284579945803,2.088613762224579,94.375861611877,88.26829268292683,5.5935195004123965,17.506833981383295,7.079830092131019,0.07637028396370926,1407,35,313,22,46,455,192,369,0.188,0.635,0.177,-0.6951,1,1,0,0,0,0,73.0,5,2,7,0,17,32,5,1,10,1,35,10,3,3,4,52,60,25,0,4,14,0,2,1,4,1,0,2,1,2,13,18,4,0,8,0,0,7,18,13,1,3,27,5,34,19,33,29,8,45,0,0,1,3,54,13,1,7,23,174,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0810213383261289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313848329502113,0.08598983189660027,0.09162118655854767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646048455395058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932318978391687,0.05061184085712087,0.0,0.14129791525953786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456826177096068,0.0,0.0,0.09495955409286874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705111579292635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906262294949305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33982504588101314,0.0,0.0,0.07353633718629761,0.0,0.0,0.2193513946259722,0.07510171375778157,0.06995293318991637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342726222783622,0.0,0.0,0.07971792016788835,0.0,0.15176840539470718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565825333094171,0.0,0.04337762555399203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915363891576725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437493200865418,0.08197092432946622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130107153644578,0.0,0.08328178479418884,0.08246348957131236,0.16352764819445614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456288839125261,0.06767722035468611,0.0936568738108988,0.0,0.0,0.08489964623287778,0.0,0.04056227924118183,0.08321380103195906,0.0,0.14695068395757627,0.06972087685026539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986830021451275,0.0,0.11084091592390607,0.16835053829784938,0.0,0.09043958578225096,0.0,0.0,0.16734123410287255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627051116744215,0.0,0.06103361712037943,0.0,0.0,0.0801869677668574,0.0,0.15582843595113854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252104790297124,0.1262899334617047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449900922618826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063770830758474,0.0,0.0,0.17827757048606646,0.0,0.0,0.07897667927344706,0.06602555788582735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558369522803979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867991343381262,0.0,0.08308589779974034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698920476112073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673310356425452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515874363089408,0.10639933656872667,0.0,0.0,0.048413091810206636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910748471033207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998699800511103,0.0,0.09144134029681177,0.06850509358461837,0.09794169808431012,0.0659021246169773,0.0,0.0,0.07465028879136618,0.1539317516545887,0.0749179946997641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yungsmonch,2019/06/29,"my girlfriend broke up with me because of my bpd we had only been dating for a few weeks but i really liked her a lot and i was looking forward to the next month together before she goes to college. but i told her i had bpd and she said that she didn’t want to stay with me because she was scared i’d be abusive. apparently her ex was abusive and had bpd but that doesn’t mean that i’m going to be like that too.

after she texted me that it was over i went outside and starting kicking trash bins around like and idiot because i was angry. maybe she was right to leave me.

either way i’m sick of good things always exploding in my face. thanks for reading",1.6478439079169045,3.6234892700729935,2.990072992700732,92.39539584503088,79.65693430656935,5.38326782706345,22.217293655249854,6.297961479604792,0.3173227400336889,518,16,111,4,13,168,83,137,0.198,0.68,0.122,-0.935,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,1,3,0,14,2,1,0,0,16,25,8,0,1,4,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,14,2,23,5,16,9,3,16,0,1,1,0,14,6,0,1,10,75,30,2,0.0,0.3490918548034071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257910418934978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311428910694772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694082580307369,0.0,0.12535546546940418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566198101457318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372334472363421,0.12356206552539388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559868707493063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591415777530687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237087320707666,0.0,0.0,0.12524319457741004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799919464102582,0.1604708229667798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758660075105808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667273695157888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204081365328884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473563357762773,0.0,0.09437470283801797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580746032612888,0.1401316979569877,0.0,0.14748948588315874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427135559167007,0.15701975577726965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562921284352136,0.0,0.0,0.09787051662945924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076720004777413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689107075409445,0.1169329567475869,0.11816838611907328,0.0,0.0,0.1365638434490573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NotASilver,2019/06/29,"I've heard that 19-20 is the hardest part of your life with bpd, is that true in your guys experience? I'm only recently diagnosed but my mum said she's done some reading and the hardest part is around that age, I'm interested in others experience of what it is like?",3.685545454545455,4.818453145454548,5.434318181818185,80.5914772727273,72.0909090909091,9.136363636363637,28.29545454545455,9.516144504307137,2.3941818181818184,213,8,45,5,4,73,40,55,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,6,9,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,3,6,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089502765571894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29562121723025536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382355319897836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24019972315272406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592017678052007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324093834344408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657894497995989,0.1146721783439045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785148917156669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083570752275974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347831961138871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317573648723027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232721636968396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floozle702,2019/06/29,Is there a way to tell the difference between a real emotion or a BPD-influenced emotion? Emotions will be my downfall. Love you guys,2.8954666666666675,5.814484680000002,4.18,79.93666666666667,82.2,6.533333333333335,36.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,3.474333333333334,107,7,17,2,3,35,22,25,0.0,0.826,0.174,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924227131606775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425787916826017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7835140992974479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298948062816644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095516087926272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642717890660033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293564466397127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429375947512736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Enrique717,2019/06/29,"The owner of r/raisedbyborderline is a bitch I went on that sub because I wanted to vent about something and connect with someone and that piece of crap came in and said “BPDs are welcomed here” and permanently banned me from there..The thing I hate most is I never said I was a bpd, she probably went through my history and saw my past post in this subreddit. I left her multiple messages trying to address the issue and she ignored me. Anyone else been banned from there?",5.799666666666668,6.856753188888893,5.862222222222222,79.75000000000001,67.1111111111111,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.541333333333334,377,15,70,6,6,119,64,90,0.196,0.778,0.026000000000000002,-0.9432,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,4,0,5,1,1,0,1,14,13,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,8,3,13,1,12,5,2,10,0,0,1,0,8,4,2,1,2,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924270403892867,0.21869522605464145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011147299628462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882109674867777,0.0,0.0,0.24411930585518665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830232134375465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072850792925196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277664292031912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319039510599553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461863029445375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375330473228093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044171954218622,0.0,0.23012518070462504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060619767469921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084761714067948,0.16431708287401806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180052060742854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449122284280786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258928581701059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957233447646651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Akem0417,2019/06/29,"Is there any way to look up how often people like or comment on your Facebook posts? Is there any app, browser extension, website, or other thing that could help me organize data on people's interactions with me? I think it could help me with my constant worries about what people think of me, and I thought of this after I felt kind of reassured when someone I was worried about losing liked one of my posts.

Here are some of the things I'd like to be able to do:
Download data into Excel about people's interactions with my posts
Look up a list of times a particular person liked or commented on my posts
Have a list of my friends showing how many times they liked a post of mine",8.822711442786073,6.7009528134328376,8.442388059701496,74.31293532338309,61.910447761194035,11.022885572139304,36.51243781094527,9.2995712137729,3.1710736318407964,543,19,104,7,6,174,80,134,0.052000000000000005,0.757,0.19,0.9588,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,2,10,10,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,0,18,15,7,0,2,3,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,16,9,24,9,1,17,0,1,2,0,11,6,0,5,10,74,23,1,0.12427503717727445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690225737063141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342971656728403,0.0,0.198447009668486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932352461849514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601458544560357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659787562914505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294133272621682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035725289510925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871946352200174,0.1390319782779735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599538195937646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421198145456278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446266523690073,0.10851216895155302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951056641130885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052978357125659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512562519706778,0.159260851634262,0.0,0.09866049786239664,0.14493154714288828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864373998448392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524146654147636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cassiopeia519,2019/06/29,"Insecurities and catastrophizing in relationships How do you handle when your brain is sounding alarms that just really don't make sense? I *know* I have no reason not to trust my FP, but my emotion mind is convinced he's hiding something from me. Then I spiral from there.

I know the DBT definitions of rational mind versus emotional mind, I just get so stuck and I can't get the two sides to agree.  I told my FP how I was feeling, and he says he is sick of constantly being accused of hiding things. I tried to explain that I *know* logically I have nothing to worry about and my emotion mind just needs the reassurance...

Is there another way to solve this insecurity without seeming to attack my FP? I feel like this is driving us apart.",2.3253566958698397,5.110463921985815,3.9638548185231532,81.41647058823531,83.53900709219856,6.7219023779724685,24.606174384647474,7.928766900206844,1.7695778890279512,587,23,108,12,17,195,88,141,0.17600000000000002,0.682,0.141,-0.6778,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,0,0,10,8,1,3,3,0,12,2,1,4,0,28,25,10,0,1,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,9,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,3,4,21,4,14,21,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,4,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461353356489636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854670208976018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555763466760909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060300523557496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702973237967259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409332808394748,0.09956169007454944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562390609803674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977247675643284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808622495931665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302657145348188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628717637797441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033366615356144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337235443742062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892801655172353,0.14328943272973196,0.0,0.1496248114799119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082786942393344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687177774092967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072892381383942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925872682103479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316830190431347,0.0,0.09461902751100927,0.0,0.1361384058254615,0.0,0.16763776729633906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062067925938626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434195061853174,0.0,0.0,0.14153093621350868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Despacitoretardito,2019/06/29,"Ready to end my life My friend left me alone under a fucking nasty ass bridge. He never came back because he said it was something about his grandma. I though he was lying. I came home crying and screaming. I bashed my head against the wall. Then my dad. My fucking dad. My dad that hasn’t slept in 2 days. Said “what the hell is wrong with you” I told him what happened. He told me I could see this guy anymore. I continued to scream cry, he called me a two year old and said things like “I can’t believe you expect to be treated like and adult”. I cried in my room in a ball and he burst in my room and screamed “STOP CRYING NOW” it was the worst thing ever. I called my mom. She talked me off a ledge a bit. I’d kill myself if I could. The only way I could would be hanging which I’ve tried before and it never works. As I was typing this he came and my room and looked at him angrily and he said “don’t look at me like you wanna rip my heart out or something” fuck you dad. Fuck you from taking my best friend away from me. Fuck your for yelling at me while I was having a mental breakdown fuck you fuck your fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU. I’m fucking in love with Cory. He’s one of the few things I like about the world. Look what you’ve done. Life is meaningless. It all comes down to pain and hurt in the end. I’m done. I’m ready to die.",-0.9403034311699052,1.174802366101698,0.4560975609756106,104.60788342290205,94.83050847457628,3.2848284415047546,13.974782968168665,4.674402953958283,-1.5000773046713514,1058,20,262,3,41,331,146,295,0.308,0.609,0.083,-0.9978,0,1,2,0,1,2,27.0,0,15,0,2,6,33,17,0,13,0,19,23,4,0,4,30,55,16,2,7,2,5,0,4,2,1,3,8,4,2,14,17,0,1,0,1,0,5,5,24,0,2,17,12,53,9,30,32,5,40,1,1,4,17,47,20,17,2,18,155,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819754302982207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557269603389667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052793850593401775,0.04320786590786597,0.0,0.034253873058417414,0.0,0.04781490626257533,0.06330868211183772,0.0589696092764208,0.0,0.0613466651962121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475579648176568,0.19280463562451525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840408114347717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345932420795454,0.0,0.2468953019458125,0.03623892835963979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058318001203482885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500701626553547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953814429597137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050828512181388216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682696950106453,0.7792233230538863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563851071533735,0.04969003941383993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057668784880023215,0.0,0.0,0.06658730731829872,0.0,0.0,0.056364748566880375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060154261640682175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062167671300994785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105232934823498,0.0,0.07937956671845738,0.10980949442324324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156035572145367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071510583384006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056627908542001074,0.0,0.0,0.06581091366003315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866768400249805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058963623578936926,0.0,0.03807687712989204,0.04273623796420928,0.059791815911002126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380428773930932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477742383970743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651806590886557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697868717872485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422490842103868,0.04516467331700672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199359104887834,0.0,0.0552079540439395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738694878481077,0.0,0.038150402596161016,0.0,0.05489102062940352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044602270391284116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04090814836596551,0.0,0.0,0.03991689488893201,0.0614366849753848,0.0,0.03618554306815296
bpd,chameleon21,2019/06/29,"Was there a particular event that triggered the start of your attachment/abandonment fears? I’ve been contemplating what triggered my mental health to get so bad and I realized that a certain incidence ignited the creation of really bad issues of mine. 

One of my worst issues is the fear of being abandoned by people I’ve spent time with romantically/sexually. I never had this issue in the past until last year. I had moved to a new city and didn’t know anyone. The loneliness was really hard on me. I finally met someone about a month in and it felt like an escape. He seemed super genuine and into me. He was such a warm person with me and made me feel safe. I thought everything was going well between us but he ended up ghosting me without explanation after a month and a half of seeing each other. I had never been ghosted by anyone so it left me hurt and confused. Combined with not knowing anyone else in my new city, this took a big toll on me. 

This situation left me fearful of meeting new people romantically/sexually. I know it sounds so stupid but I can’t help it. Since then, I’ve been with other guys and the fear that they’ll leave me always gets me. I always ruin things and cut things off because the fear is so strong. I’ve cut off 4 guys within the past 6 months. I definitely have a problem and I need to work on my abandonment issues. I’m aware of how irrational it is and always tell myself my fears are based in nothing logical yet they always creep back in.",3.534827586206898,5.5734793793103465,5.006413793103448,79.82996551724139,74.17241379310343,7.67448275862069,25.393103448275863,8.488131031819089,1.863278620689655,1180,40,218,22,25,395,160,290,0.22,0.7,0.08,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,2,3,11,25,3,7,18,0,19,1,0,5,3,44,37,20,2,2,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,16,17,0,3,9,0,1,3,6,18,1,2,17,6,32,7,35,18,2,41,0,4,1,0,14,16,0,2,23,150,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27161999641684315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118816001566198,0.08361778574836942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275207430508277,0.13627975790003674,0.04974792302823191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817362030954388,0.0,0.07228111011511128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334466242408896,0.0,0.0,0.5509950444011453,0.04126382486530213,0.0,0.07835717668674512,0.08939837234884156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527438404382193,0.0,0.04638012070701583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161094214085586,0.0,0.0,0.07310539055952825,0.0,0.0,0.0867462615008899,0.0,0.0,0.054700610034971765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736383102772675,0.0,0.0,0.3407132370195951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455006770960634,0.06652200536380846,0.0,0.08641185941560009,0.17733624317054578,0.0,0.0,0.039869902207993975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722015150148212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224240308804898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541792391467505,0.08673716251245002,0.0,0.06051183763510669,0.12588336386192944,0.23645465366065704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830577536486542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530018603685544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580952989224614,0.11315443277835502,0.07125759335708443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808853104625982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456128153419103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503159017321354,0.07429352081875182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750758299300684,0.09173162936712737,0.0,0.0,0.06914681027099419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577630776050523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132962518501684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084344250678494,0.0,0.0,0.06478821412393804,0.047586705485224916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067029940802727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981652513774288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733760471450164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866790142635298,0.0,0.05941212582492032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052553345083611834
bpd,benadrylpill,2019/06/29,"I'm a man-child I just got fired last week. For bad attendance. 5 sick days used in 2 months. And more, I'm emotionally unstable and flipped out a couple of times. Didn't even make it 3 months. I'm 36 and can't hold a job. I'm a giant baby. A man child. I feel like I've tried enough times. I can only fail so much.

The anxiety won. I can't do this. I can't live in this world like this. I have tried so many times and failed so many times. 36 is too old to be in this position. 

I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm very seriously considering using my last paycheck on my ""ticket"" out of this life, whatever that ends up being. I am a massive failure, a giant humiliation, and a bad person. 

I don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe I'm hoping someone will have some kind words to make me believe it might be okay. I just don't see how it ever can.",-0.4836898529045115,1.4178768115183296,2.2901271503365765,94.8431239092496,87.1675392670157,5.522911992021941,17.47220144602343,6.868970318607317,-0.16375263026676645,665,16,164,9,21,232,107,191,0.183,0.728,0.08900000000000001,-0.956,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,0,0,12,1,19,2,0,5,1,23,37,9,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,10,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,5,13,6,14,29,4,27,0,2,2,0,3,11,0,3,16,87,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527543373709763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298062857945203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504547395083526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226886514713533,0.0,0.0887505731530638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479884571413194,0.2437728640645608,0.14219353483470573,0.0,0.09089369920795537,0.12448104270212836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695825005568791,0.09831249671888327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006363753055703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668318142246708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365620882418719,0.0,0.0,0.1433053023017448,0.07562984601236346,0.22434989923409396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720185394266702,0.13446390399564054,0.0,0.121516953374825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837187475210864,0.2790409099633829,0.13825320468576718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598823299814911,0.0,0.0,0.2196866600709624,0.0,0.10116318148918532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440425323504727,0.0,0.0,0.1046627421232883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016049277149063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179754960544535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193233746126812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660111441180715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209786753151935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686369877318745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377111084277041,0.0,0.11354714896817655,0.0,0.0,0.11038680388182527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241765284805218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RenaultDreams,2019/06/29,im sorry in the last few weeks ive dodged a lot of opportunities to be happy with people. i ghosted a guy i was dating and evaded two girls who were really into me while we were hanging. i wish i could let myself be happy for once. i miss when sex was fun and love was exciting. now i just pretend to feel those things and i cant fake it well enough to get through and figure out if there’s real emotion underneath it. fuck guys i feel so empty. my three best friends are in love and im so happy for them. i wish i could be that  right now because i just feel like a side character in everyone’s life.,1.1054651162790672,2.8696038294573647,3.2381589147286824,90.99351744186049,80.47286821705426,6.16046511627907,20.05232558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.3419348837209304,470,12,106,6,12,160,87,129,0.081,0.604,0.315,0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,2,9,15,1,0,4,0,14,5,0,0,0,22,24,10,1,5,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,3,1,2,5,3,17,12,14,13,4,16,0,1,0,4,9,8,1,2,8,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581434848955811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773332615875745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247927090455018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835147887222387,0.0,0.1454568761367007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451531496210672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353825636058807,0.100568768295632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876142102747716,0.1301430287541469,0.07354845452961044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787762154558861,0.0,0.4495687037093637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041195326528266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474936445637175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439506586815508,0.09943263627022024,0.06877492514370398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968077620158026,0.25410754330103463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991940939250345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759476714303693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023130404545485,0.09018324490650373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021998124995432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758464576389625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935237993328545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751546183422414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292018078058184,0.0,0.12657247372750216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237656438247496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tokyomotels,2019/05/13,"ghosting is a nightmare for me hey y’all. i struggle particularly with abandonment issues as i get attached REALLYYYY fast, especially to others who move relationships and flirting fast themselves. i get so caught up in the love and the emotion that it almost swallows me whole. recently, i was talking to a guy for a while and it got super serious. we had many connections, we got along perfectly...like literal soulmates. things moved kinda fast, but i did tell them about my trust issues and such, which they respected. easily, they became my FP. we talked constantly and it was like a dream. suddenly, with no context, all conversation stopped. i checked in on them a few times for a few days, no response. i tried being super kind about the situation, always telling them i adore them and hope they’re okay. finally, something in my mind kind of flickered and i could only come to the assumption that they were ghosting me. i’m the type of person who wants a direct explanation and sadly, will even try to guilt said person into admitting their intentions. anxious and full of impulsive decisions, i texted them and asked if they were ghosting me, if they broke my trust, if they were leaving me and that i would love to hear their explanation as to why they left me here alone in the dust. after saying all of this, it makes me realize how rough BPD is on the heart, mind and rational thinking. then i worry if i’m being an asshole myself or if i have all the right to be concerned and a little bit angry. sometimes, i feel as if i don’t have the right to express such emotions in fear of running them off. i always worry that i’m being so damn selfish too. god, being ghosted is so difficult to deal with.",5.36498990442859,6.776813696594433,5.924727419571947,77.59820702651774,68.38080495356037,8.96104455512182,31.38093956117916,9.318704503766252,2.889261515681788,1356,56,242,27,23,439,181,323,0.153,0.6809999999999999,0.166,0.823,0,1,1,0,0,0,41.0,3,1,15,2,11,24,1,3,18,1,21,4,1,3,3,51,41,30,4,10,8,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,3,14,22,1,2,5,1,1,5,3,10,0,0,11,5,47,14,37,22,8,33,0,3,0,2,40,15,1,10,14,178,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077101663151048,0.11140423457238348,0.0,0.0,0.17900432434594005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151710690550599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055815406511484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117432419376368,0.0,0.1354735426994023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265716951668193,0.0,0.11623885743104162,0.0,0.08588138680702144,0.0,0.0,0.06937011195748162,0.11089412936309488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24199084865757964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104524361111525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103980676693185,0.054387771057967486,0.0,0.0,0.1178314958474009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239587439177216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205808563679886,0.0,0.0,0.1065056250882154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123284834970513,0.1274642814427731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683567734969596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453848609442367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402345160358214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389512343875928,0.11686898906395253,0.0,0.0,0.052550511748980386,0.10780774430366727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941620643256783,0.0,0.07180004382758229,0.1090533755285905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721867568183667,0.0,0.0,0.2286477781613332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180754085213357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784209589381587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620682628971843,0.115483865030149,0.0,0.1837187470269831,0.1023183358947216,0.08553949433614377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090684450798116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280829745957803,0.10638389990011182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992861921472234,0.0,0.11244962109938354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291231205463722,0.1880319789489744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146097949770541,0.06892289697520064,0.0,0.0,0.0627216418202096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460582759542172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344424490166628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706010200439848,0.12009176371277837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847365251271608,0.0,0.07641063333771726,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bugmarsh,2019/05/13,"Feeling overwhelmed by BPD. Any Advice? I never post on reddit because the idea of it makes me anxious lol, but I'm so lost right now. Recently, I realized that I have BPD. I always thought it was just depression and anxiety, but I had my worst rage attack towards my boyfriend. He broke up with me, and I’m feel completely ashamed, terrible, and broken. I went back home and started researching therapy and came across articles on BPD. It was completely eye-opening. It describes everything I feel and how I act. It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but at least I know what’s going on with me.

I feel so overwhelmed and emotional over the smallest things. I have a hard time controlling my anger when I feel like I’m wronged or being pushed away. I self-medicate with alcohol and weed. Pretty much drink and smoke every day to mask the emptiness I feel. Drinking makes my paranoia and anger worse, but I continue doing it. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADD, and PTSD when I was 14. I saw a therapist up until 21, but felt I could manage it without help at the point. 5 years later, I’m struggling hard to deal with such extreme emotions and thoughts that I know I create on my own. 

My ex has been so patient and loving with me. I always felt like he didn't want me or he will break up with me (which is just me creating issues that aren’t there), which had caused a major strain in our relationship. I know he loves me and he didn’t want to break up with me, but I pushed him to his breaking point. I love him so much, and I know he’s hurting as much as me right now. I’m trying to get better. I’m staying sober, and I’ve started reading books on BPD and how to manage it. I’ve been practicing mindfulness and mediating. I just got health insurance, so I can see someone about this. I've been giving my ex space, but I feel so bad about how I treated him that it makes my stomach knot, and I get nauseous. I hate feeling like this. It’s so exhausting and destructive.

I’ve been reading this subreddit since I realized I had BPD, and it’s helping me a lot. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone with these thoughts and feelings. Does anyone else have similar experiences? Does medication help with BPD? How do you manage and control your emotions and thoughts? Does it get easier? Thanks for reading this. This is all so new and scary to me.",2.62182210031348,4.836877099137934,3.781347962382444,86.73481191222571,77.57758620689657,7.321630094043888,26.92476489028213,8.296473431620573,1.9204413793103448,1850,76,368,36,44,600,221,464,0.228,0.642,0.13,-0.996,1,1,4,0,0,0,62.0,1,2,0,4,26,31,6,5,8,1,27,11,1,10,2,91,77,51,0,3,14,2,13,3,0,1,5,0,1,0,28,37,3,2,23,6,0,6,7,21,0,0,24,15,62,10,43,50,9,48,0,7,2,3,25,21,0,3,19,234,90,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272484134872941,0.0,0.06859862207332956,0.0,0.06648054464982417,0.0,0.0,0.10682093928359428,0.0,0.0,0.04365078616333496,0.0,0.09820896492071313,0.07251540735733908,0.0,0.04488250813228002,0.06576931398487629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302436291291682,0.06030776831613475,0.04935745237972601,0.0535952136671188,0.0391290769117627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056770038809378025,0.0,0.0,0.4850635133682844,0.0,0.0,0.07341522522557628,0.0,0.06593988290771967,0.0,0.0,0.13460209102972925,0.0,0.1439870577075496,0.05124976974284914,0.0,0.0,0.041396656447167834,0.06617613905633493,0.1105719480103724,0.06515058089020671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851693043411728,0.0,0.0,0.12576175333845893,0.0,0.0,0.05362175283039666,0.21661227888841555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408208151762027,0.0,0.057689020211573,0.06278925244367327,0.0,0.0,0.2921034187337747,0.09171340548113248,0.12326319599008193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060845947157387,0.061576029497911335,0.03648014228235732,0.0,0.051337883557327636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150016433146314,0.06337344282083528,0.0,0.06823000703265415,0.0,0.0,0.1290737932494638,0.0,0.0643868965715005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871575445773251,0.07246167583780842,0.0,0.06699673898259828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638324132997085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407864941873334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700699804369127,0.05457127367716273,0.17379949473534345,0.0,0.12854015929989232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129961484434402,0.06466376080750419,0.0,0.0,0.06481268832765633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155911293060952,0.0,0.04950658767874103,0.06199422854284399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135888623102617,0.0,0.06147541010451305,0.06530338664773606,0.0,0.0,0.0750336177992215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926193983196641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337898810015301,0.06891506660352999,0.0,0.10963427388212417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115039862343259,0.0,0.06696322585915587,0.0,0.0,0.05309788321336578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438721242214152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086674452662227,0.06841703530602991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710437969479631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059096695175140074,0.07340582498310741,0.07452848739551575,0.04264438292182353,0.0,0.0,0.20383588774089345,0.037429177854361256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043580182446932486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572078336428291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950393472802636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187599758992661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654141722704142,0.0,0.07018069949362495,0.0,0.04133567306076414
bpd,TheVoyd_,2019/05/13,"It now makes sense After months of medication and going off from my self destructive paths I started to do a little introspection and I can now see how everything fits in place:

Distorted sense of self: my dad is super famous in my hometown and most of Mexico. We share the exact same name. This has led me to disappoint everyone in my life for not being him.

Unstable relationships (fear of abandonment): I've probably admired my brother my entire life. He kept treating me like shit but he was the only person around me when my mother started abusing us. He eventually left when he turned 18 and I was left alone with her.

Substance abuse: my dad is an alcoholic and so am I. I drink socially because I can't be myself anymore. I now drink by myself because I can't stand myself 

Shame: I was pretty much shamed my entire life for thinking outside the box. And growing up in a conservative family; I genuinely thought I was mentally retarded. 

I've probably tried to kill myself 5 times 

But for the first time things are getting better, I started playing punk in a band which has helped me with letting out my anger and I feel validation.

I'm starting to understand these things. However I can't seem to find the original of my impulsivity, my anger issues, my dissasociation, my sudden bursts of euphoria and much more.

My question is, what do you do to have a better introspection of yourself and how do you stay on the path of getting better? 

I don't want to fuck this up",3.951999999999998,6.252848771428575,5.382285714285718,76.42271428571429,73.78571428571428,8.622857142857143,29.057142857142853,9.281916038205594,2.900354285714285,1176,50,207,29,25,394,162,280,0.152,0.705,0.142,-0.7976,1,1,3,0,1,1,27.0,2,2,0,5,9,20,6,3,11,0,24,9,1,5,1,37,43,16,1,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,8,14,3,3,7,4,0,3,5,11,0,1,6,2,44,9,34,34,5,37,0,2,1,1,24,16,2,3,17,147,52,0,0.0,0.2559088420299032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541201261829735,0.0,0.11184850695390036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710035143233956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613694771808264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131663446926245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28653393774026675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115846736350186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319224199689353,0.09705742954250736,0.0,0.1018064877646626,0.12152250514385708,0.054604665726882586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987039349407276,0.09185905996153186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998380810481676,0.1128441013642959,0.0,0.061375090550770776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238564373919247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127169650226927,0.0,0.0,0.11947860431589025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467010901675694,0.11043048303060056,0.2288366198438323,0.05276007955485657,0.10823767413076583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208637743587587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879190503687627,0.10883186286918073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619923502191701,0.0,0.15877502719435704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213378366633113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429559858949434,0.11283003067806775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986802731619726,0.2328701214301151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097723006305527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594440669573874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086056691416455,0.0983130595194143,0.2253211634355408,0.0,0.11085358762042333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008558639058696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057529014119195,0.1151065065651801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434919218818098,0.06919775672086248,0.0,0.0857346304378618,0.1259435427785224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332037312785265,0.11746571743762507,0.0,0.11242485120616204,0.1299026630458401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369725616182345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gnossie,2019/05/13,"Every day is a struggle to stay alive. I feel like my brain just wants to kill me. Every single day is this huge struggle to hold back on impulses like self harm, abusing alcohol, spending all my money beyond repair, destroying my relationships. Every single day I wake up and it starts again. 24hrs a day. Never ending. I'm so goddamn tired and I don't know what to do.

  


I have a therapist, I'm on medication, I've done DBT, I have extremely supportive family and friends. I use SO many skills I've learned, I'm putting everything into practice, I do everything I should and need to.. And yet, nothing stops the feeling inside that I just want this all to stop. I want peace. I am so, so tired of being this way.",1.6504285714285702,4.16920082857143,3.415357142857143,86.16089285714287,83.57142857142857,6.642857142857142,23.75,7.865858978985527,1.5312857142857146,556,21,108,11,16,185,86,140,0.214,0.636,0.15,-0.9179,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,2,2,4,0,11,6,2,1,3,24,24,9,1,5,2,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,6,6,1,3,4,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,1,2,15,4,12,21,4,21,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,14,67,21,1,0.0,0.15751668828835108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420765134344464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222559191673024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484092709619242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429510645021465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604768559260288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774876524387845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360327080515098,0.0,0.2389626673943418,0.0,0.1253276023740074,0.0,0.13444078043049285,0.0949750920071688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027120660218299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708264023916925,0.0,0.07306244702594934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989927099650347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478416774073276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339269128652234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857615845723232,0.10253447018095264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127563181389902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336452590426255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142731910499102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868939886609086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409832048580133,0.1417004240320064,0.0,0.22229397372027,0.0,0.2779634929992165,0.0,0.0,0.15086307217260306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435802237221266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30559872993013165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482077633834975,0.0,0.0,0.23524112955408044,0.10552461677467427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thatluckyfox,2019/05/13,"How would you feel about this? I’m struggling here because from the outside (without all the facts) I could think I’m over reacting. 

Long story short, my son (18yrs) and I have recently changed dentists. He had an appointment with our new dentist today, I haven’t met her yet. He said she looked like a certain actress we know & at this point, without thinking, my other half said as a joke he would be ‘taking me to my appointment’. Like he fancied her. 

Kinda harmless, right? It would seem so without context. Long story short we’ve known each other 18 months. Friends first, started dating Sept 18. He has all the symptoms of BPD but doesn’t know about BPD. In Jan his paranoia got the best of him and he didn’t feel good enough about himself so he ended things. Later I found out he couldn’t stand being alone so he got back in contact with his ex and was kinda seeing another girl at the same time. We got back together in March and a few weeks ago I found out about him seeing his ex and this other girl. He was still in contact with them in March. It was when we were in the stages of getting back together but I had asked him if he had been seeing anyone else and he said no.

When I found out he lied I confronted him, he was sorry & explained once he was ‘sure’ about us he cut off all contact (which is true from what I know) He begged me to stay with him and work things out & we have been trying but his behaviour has become incredibly irrational & erratic. Over spending, over eating, Road rage, impulsive behaviour etc. 

My own recovery is much further on but honestly that comment just showed a lack of respect to me. I’m not strong enough for all this. I feel like I want to be single and spend some time on myself. If I had said that he would be devastated. But this is how things are, double standards. 

I’m scared of being alone again. I know it honestly could be the best thing for me but his behaviour of pulling and pushing me away is just teaching me to trust myself and do things for myself. He feels like he can’t do anything right and I feel like I’m not good enough. 

I know, leave, be done. I’m just scared and tbh, when it works, it’s great. 

Thoughts?",2.963550792171482,4.796473816091954,3.4535259397328377,91.2425815470643,75.20689655172414,6.449829139484312,24.170549860205032,7.2228458231874715,0.8547986952469708,1710,54,358,19,37,533,206,435,0.106,0.7559999999999999,0.138,0.9565,1,2,0,0,0,0,58.0,6,1,1,6,24,27,3,3,12,0,42,4,0,3,8,85,83,29,0,11,16,3,5,5,1,4,3,4,0,2,22,25,1,0,19,3,2,2,11,6,0,2,26,13,50,21,48,43,19,57,0,0,4,0,59,26,0,6,31,236,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370971034846194,0.0,0.0,0.14887430876156665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114907754739141,0.0,0.0,0.07536348948121076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025419398166931,0.07364080129604347,0.059144085445651924,0.0,0.06719011056557361,0.0,0.06752559992031458,0.165794142721793,0.0,0.04381217323354357,0.07937637784402507,0.0,0.0,0.1508493204681884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103916877369547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603047192184909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147670207102658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354945397131395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354244346331207,0.060039380161952365,0.0,0.06365677851674212,0.2227872832741949,0.0801556731601466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817018413262461,0.15403495019210472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061133824794357125,0.0,0.2364100295206629,0.05552770956202053,0.0,0.03754987001157256,0.0,0.0,0.1205647367930805,0.1724465097601866,0.07923853531173744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749336643102736,0.0,0.0,0.07610149577501746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556381814671668,0.0,0.0,0.12720795595071133,0.0603539227743504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736711145796933,0.0,0.052833790691326175,0.0,0.0,0.06941390124085645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654075630690281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794175797928506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096439336589272,0.0,0.0,0.12275566353095972,0.2734648568509,0.0,0.14391173350525874,0.0,0.17181673852221346,0.06542907534840887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045421215304704,0.05087098733949128,0.07660541059306622,0.057396638574701175,0.0,0.0,0.07513565205097136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677379978645138,0.07470196313931161,0.05403839131496909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387410130095417,0.09210465548650944,0.0,0.05705790891167525,0.08381764935790892,0.0,0.06812573773405949,0.0,0.0,0.04879600168488688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086452513734524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239164759261554,0.0,0.0576509477610716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078445600586032,0.0,0.10464655367973093,0.0,0.0,0.2042216844602085,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MoonMakerx,2019/05/13,"Every feeling I have is ""borderline rage"" or me ""being irrational."" I have been a horrific pain in the ass in the past but I have been in remission for a very long while now. Now it seems when I feel a legitimate feeling, the people around me are blaming it on my bpd. It's starting to make me feel invalidated and like I am not allowed to have any sort of feelings without it being ""borderline rage."" I love trying to become a better person and grow  (it's all I want these days) but being told these things are wearing me down.",3.6136428571428567,5.016342400000006,5.149702380952379,81.5188392857143,72.61904761904762,7.916666666666668,27.410714285714285,8.472884824447931,1.9397857142857151,412,15,81,7,8,139,67,105,0.122,0.723,0.155,0.5647,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,7,0,13,4,2,2,1,19,24,7,0,1,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,5,12,3,12,18,1,15,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,3,9,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169818135269072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549273874388889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23012737829305915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842855985344745,0.0,0.0,0.2624336761757468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438087714380967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175560013195173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267885674702396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179865166589863,0.0,0.0,0.18440015906545745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806131182352406,0.0,0.13908803944886644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171948873329012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989119508869524,0.1444569468312683,0.18193992267314035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969146719765256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748477148479186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384312182218089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910567205916788,0.0,0.1414689891870895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719263880043533,0.12290153553216353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086044487420096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwawaytrekkie47,2019/05/13,"Gonna be going back to therapy Just venting
Recently I've been really dysfunctional and probably wearing my partner down and now its starting to spill out into other parts of my life... I felt in control for a few years and now I can't go one night without falling apart.",4.568207547169814,6.151241245283022,6.052971698113207,75.26549528301891,70.50943396226415,9.073584905660377,34.00471698113208,9.516144504307137,3.5132301886792456,218,11,38,5,4,74,46,53,0.0,0.97,0.03,0.1139,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,9,8,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,9,4,2,15,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,7,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513527680809236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137995786166264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686348313276093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180133953241572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761847409099687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625566843666948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958769032459324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029769072195901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30165258136881745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792356706561096,0.0,0.27625121418025045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803131334646093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199553809133383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697001005415266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017059303549213
bpd,Hungry_Hungry_Mia,2019/05/13,"I think I have BPD, Need Advice on coping? So this is my first time ever posting on here. 

TW: There will be mention of Sexual assualt,Rape, EDNOS,Self Harm etc So please don't read if these things trigger you.

So I was 12 when everything went downhill. Before that I was five, and my cousin forced me to give him oral. I was then reprimanded for my cousin sexually assualting me/ also trying to rape me. My mom kept me away from boys, my cousin currently is still a welcome member of our ""family"" and has a daughter(his daughter is so sweet and  doesn't deserve to have a father like him). Anyway, I was told off and kept away from men. My mother always reacted badly to things, so whenever I did things that were inappropiate I got beat with a belt for many Black kids this was a norm. As I got older I was sexually curious, I enjoyed the feeling of ""sex"" and of ""sexual things"" and  I didn't understand why. But once I got to middle school it got worse. When I hit 12 the obvious issues of being a pre teen and puberty became a huge problem, I begun to feel like I was fat this was also because I was considered overweight by doctors, was told I was fat by my brother everyday and teased by my own family and friends about it consistently. I was a short girl for my age so my weight was held in my thighs and my stomach. So I begun to not eat and when I did eat I would purge. Throughout that time I was self harming i.e cutting. When I first started I didn't really understand why I was doing it I just was. Then it became a way to deal with overwhelming emotions and stress. I had a lot of stress throughout middle school and into highschool. I had an eating disorder,was self harming and was also being promiscious(I won't go into detail but it involved a lot of conversing with people I shouldn't have been conversing with and doing things online). My mom worked a lot she was barely home, my dad was sick and didn't live with us. As I got older my dad got sicker, my mom was working alot and one day my brother found out about my self harming. And told my mom. My mother chastised me and called me a mistake. She then begun to everynight check my arms for scars, so I started cutting else where. She found out about me not eating and when I started losing hair she forced me to take vitamins and eat more. So I gained a lot of weight, when I got into highschool I was overweight, eating my feelings and still self harming. Things went from bad to worse, When I was 14 my dad died. My aunt died before my dad passed. I was out of school for a bit dealing with their deaths. I was eating my feelings and gained a lot of weight for my age and height. I was self harming but better at hiding it after dealing with beatings with a belt because my mom felt like I was still self harming, and judgement from her about the music I listen to, to the books I read. My anxiety got worse, I was constantly on edge, would burst out into tears if anyone even raised their voice, couldn't talk to my mom about anything involving emotions cause I would get anxiety attacks from getting too emotional. So I kept to myself, and I avoided negative reactions and I kept quiet. I asked my mom about therapy at some point when it was getting too much. She just shut it down. I got through highschool, and currently am 20. I went through some stuff in highschool and into college which has me wondering if I have BPD. 

Throughout highschool I was pursued by this guy who sexually assualted me (he was in my highschool and was a student in my class it was 10th grade) he constantly forced himself on me, would kiss me and molest me. At some point he tried to have sex with me in a park. Thankfully I ran off before he could. He ""apologized"" when we were seniors and afterwards while I was in college. I told friends but never told anyone because of the fear my mom would blame me. So I got to college, my freshman year I went back to starving myself because I wanted to look good for this job I was pursuing. 

I went through a lot of stress, I was sexually promiscious, drinking,smoking and constantly with guys every night. I would get black out drunk, I would have sex with guys just to get drinks or smoke. I spent two to three years of college doing that. On occasion I would relapse into self harm or purging. At some point my relationship with my mother got worse and I was starting to have constant anxiety attacks. My home during that time wasn't a safe place as my mother was in an emotionally abusive relationship. And I was in a string of bad relationships as well. I constantly attracted people who were mentally ill, were rude and didn't care about my well being. Once I became a Junior I lost weight through exercise and diet, and was dating someone who was sweet but had mental health issues and was causing me distress. Once we broke up, I relapsed through out the summer and had sex with multiple guys. Created different attachments and gained back all my weight. Then when the school year started, I had my second experience of being black out drunk and decided I needed a break. 

Fast Forward: (I skipped the part where I did have school therapy provided during my sophmore-junior year and it helped with my anxiety attacks and helped partially with mending my relationship with my mom)

I am currently in my senior year of college, as a Psychology Major.

I'm 20 and currently I have a great healthy relationship with my BF of 8 months, but I have relapsed with self harm, occasionally have purged and binged and have had random bouts of anxiety and crying. I have been smoking(weed) a lot to avoid my issues and have realized that when ever things seem good I feel like I become self destructive and ruin whatever happiness I do have. I am unsure if I have BPD, as I've never been to a full counselor but I know (as I am a Psychology Major) that I have shown signs and symptoms of someone with BPD at least as described by the DSM IV.  I am unsure how to navigate this as I am getting full therapy this summer, but I am worried because I am starting to realize how destructive this is.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

P.S I didn't mention the bouts of reckless spending which has led to immense credit card debt that my mom is helping me pay off, nor my mom's own anxiety and past issues with Sexual A. and my past as a sex worker.

(I didn't go into detail about it because it's triggering for me, but throughout my lifetime I've been sexually assaulted twice and raped once and its made it really hard to trust. Yet I find myself being immensely vulnerable to my bf because he's surprisingly not like my past relationships, hes sweet,loving and only wants the best for me. This however worries me because I know happiness won't last.)",5.370879304818548,6.229502543644718,5.990597955767658,79.16097902346951,67.97396630934149,8.98406638413049,31.0359699419495,9.133332664023015,2.6285633320274937,5326,207,998,95,86,1733,453,1306,0.187,0.726,0.087,-0.9993,8,2,3,3,0,0,138.0,4,1,2,14,57,67,13,8,45,0,125,41,6,10,6,188,197,115,3,21,21,27,13,5,4,12,13,3,2,17,46,93,20,8,19,7,6,11,20,39,2,8,98,22,191,28,155,78,26,143,0,5,4,8,106,56,0,21,80,723,237,32,0.0,0.035319648563752526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825943481668951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151647683394101,0.02480407847765793,0.0,0.0,0.02027163462272814,0.0,0.13682614416836786,0.0,0.0,0.04168730443500871,0.0,0.02453086300023432,0.0,0.027868068038168558,0.10173859398469892,0.056014434179593765,0.045843675612465336,0.0746696234694256,0.1453738491328522,0.03292249826292247,0.07609763891658279,0.0,0.03128346635340202,0.02636427852537637,0.03254449809160417,0.0,0.15017721597689573,0.0,0.030439061256682123,0.0,0.0303930004575029,0.06124559628177127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106860839299278,0.0,0.023800639072994227,0.0,0.03274458219245493,0.01922480596247469,0.12293006652143006,0.0,0.0,0.06187557458266231,0.03114481703231735,0.0,0.030511515786193467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029202180960171333,0.0,0.213519528486264,0.02490219940462561,0.13412770943740135,0.0,0.0,0.033245722241997566,0.019689041641126104,0.0539292042165776,0.02511597825659954,0.0,0.02679105789976544,0.029159630230016886,0.05620390981156776,0.03354422723515196,0.07536346099324362,0.042592145739663065,0.02862200994720598,0.0,0.027245547799857796,0.050712272221666514,0.0,0.06536964772672893,0.04606183782263107,0.0,0.09344610302008263,0.02859620367040422,0.033883106369078236,0.05000596456340669,0.26225715506533226,0.032865326083326235,0.0,0.11806525424021247,0.0,0.06346601127728795,0.026703657587795013,0.0,0.0,0.03168634277734767,0.0,0.0,0.05994248915316165,0.0,0.059803167663687484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445442870032895,0.029581551476320824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03276528957287832,0.024298903811233084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281762729618428,0.0,0.02632253254019067,0.0,0.025032660492565882,0.03334945626166227,0.032540835258355875,0.17740213010566286,0.0,0.028206681734285224,0.0,0.030222381439647162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060082381188357785,0.0,0.0,0.3840406747264745,0.023793837393728364,0.0,0.02191357718132168,0.0442070654393222,0.0459821939099215,0.0,0.0,0.02797440672346873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698553322795453,0.020199840547559748,0.022671638473258496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03228102628894482,0.08537026414837133,0.041332618625351605,0.0,0.03114481703231735,0.03272212539505386,0.08453947395212179,0.0,0.028549475541126124,0.0,0.0,0.028523880094659313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596355821156745,0.0,0.03819374518978138,0.0,0.0,0.19202692638253285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084516138914045,0.0,0.027137653266761656,0.3109804351968899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051536502664083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659685698497422,0.0,0.07141825257457604,0.0,0.10244081479951676,0.0,0.03412500220697763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03098371730344723,0.022413202674655838,0.023959927077894502,0.0,0.02744478890983744,0.1022700524340655,0.0,0.1386297928856839,0.019100867554199773,0.0,0.0,0.05214686957895215,0.0,0.0,0.1424223443365859,0.0,0.04047769183585078,0.0,0.029119768945975736,0.062065948217136166,0.03585742774560723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035165095262289316,0.02366157148049812,0.0,0.18150106597770785,0.0536050439812893,0.13816956456495774,0.05379727883029073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03232737421384295,0.04340366838748486,0.06054644369097205,0.12151462238981313,0.16940778187445132,0.0,0.0,0.09598242492550996
bpd,TheTapDancingShrimp,2019/05/13,"I held it together at work today A scheduling error or miscommunication happened today, and a coworker got mad bc she was to work 11-8 pm, not 8-5, her regular schedule, due to staff shortages today. I thought she'd check the schedule over the weekend- she works every weekend and knows there is a schedule that changes from time to time- and see the change; no one told her of the change. Our workplace just moved locations, and things have been crazy. A ball got dropped somewhere, and I may have punted it. We really needed coverage 5-8 pm. I asked if she could come back in a few hrs to cover the 5-8pm.

She lit into me. Said I should have let her stay, since she came in, from 8-5. I'm also new to some rules, etc, about having three people required to close. You get very little support or direction where I work...everyone runs around half cocked a lot, another post on that...worst possible atmosphere for a BPD.

I kept outwardly calm, and apologized profusely. I tend to grovel due to the BPD- I apologize like I've murdered someone. So, lunch was ruined, I was shaking, finally, at 5 we passed the baton, I apologized again, she said sorry for snapping... all this has caused me ruminating all day, shaking. I didn't cry tho; maybe because I'm on antidepressants.  But today was horrible. I feel like I fucked up, mad someone mad at me, went into a BPD spiral, and am still lightheaded and shaky from it. I didn't quit or cry. Today was awful for me. Why not NOT care like so many others blow off stuff? Thanks for listening.",3.2614293139293165,5.318360912162163,4.397297297297296,83.81339916839919,75.01351351351352,7.797089397089397,26.249480249480253,8.617729084823388,1.9734739085239084,1194,44,231,24,26,390,183,296,0.14400000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.095,-0.9439,0,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,3,1,0,5,12,16,5,3,15,1,20,3,1,1,2,41,46,17,1,4,9,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,8,16,1,3,3,3,1,8,6,9,0,3,18,6,33,7,30,23,6,49,0,1,2,2,22,17,2,8,24,141,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506067544222281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842153110009494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355626499805606,0.08774744378439547,0.0,0.0,0.07217338035714131,0.0,0.05721684598406258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546442508657578,0.0,0.0,0.10735207590226367,0.09569763126138492,0.09642118910819343,0.2978777459081216,0.08085301335306454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494043850581529,0.0,0.20620398810859092,0.06053263463214297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467992038435626,0.0,0.0,0.07908201196949212,0.0896882886621349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047458984582963715,0.06705437759139109,0.0,0.10282023028392026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677306025380505,0.049038542729233726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013856745311238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300104712932672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158359741582797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597931828485368,0.0,0.13756735448471874,0.094073464959221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979733762136658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516040770296172,0.0942960752662758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975947871739403,0.0,0.06959680492019032,0.0,0.09065162039052273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360270006780261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650714578477871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581426999752698,0.08989297344501432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998328170596155,0.0,0.0,0.060129814244132926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856677085025455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479513218929414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764285911343853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590563847788957,0.0,0.0,0.10506979968767154,0.0,0.10004342756714772,0.0749575834055462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744848579736446,0.0,0.1065124464980296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641467606373851,0.0,0.0,0.06235713393458246,0.0,0.0,0.07451521678619875,0.10946230648028844,0.0,0.4448466665533921,0.0896882886621349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744522472162609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701016577663559,0.0846950296922092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27332794987087755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Egghammac,2019/05/13,"Thank you Dax Today after losing my last friend I had left, my parents are mad at me, my brothers think I'm a nuisance, after I came home from school with vomit in my hair from throwing up during a panic attack in the bathroom. I grabbed my bedsheets, hung them around my light in the center of my room and began tieing, you scratched on my door. After everyone has been yelling at me and leaving me. I let you in and you meowed and jumped up for pets. As soon as I pet you once you started to purr. You followed me and kept me company as I cried. Now you're right beside me asleep as I'm sitting on the bed. I remembered that youd miss me if I was gone. Maybe not anyone else but you would miss me. Thank you. You stopped me from doing something I could never fix. Thank you dax, my lovely cat and sidekick. I will love you forever. I'm sorry I didnt consider you. Im not looking for sympathy but for people to understand that you can come back from it. Your animals would miss you and wouldn't understand why you never moved again or never came back. Please love them with all your heart. You're something worth fighting for. I hope this means something to someone. But I'm proud of my cat and I.",2.5246057767369234,4.304634770491801,3.4496252927400484,91.02527322404372,76.29508196721312,6.123028883684622,23.914129586260728,6.868970318607317,0.7359834504293521,940,30,197,9,21,300,136,244,0.10400000000000001,0.753,0.14300000000000002,0.9604,3,0,3,0,3,0,26.0,0,19,2,2,6,17,3,1,5,0,15,7,3,0,4,37,42,17,0,6,7,2,3,0,1,4,1,1,6,0,4,14,0,2,5,0,1,8,7,8,0,0,9,6,53,9,33,26,1,40,0,4,1,3,28,15,0,3,16,133,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039922208196343,0.11781430898790175,0.0,0.10235980162178153,0.0,0.1308104697252186,0.0,0.17683061577494494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630212634156826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904820910239924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180506595266116,0.0,0.12630410967332384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605406189710207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987177844135072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883606121328061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625614582536802,0.0,0.0,0.1153379481682167,0.11420468124513546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420204316784053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372699867957718,0.0,0.12175105349052084,0.1249300418604769,0.11757854398661807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655728320749966,0.12863726147006033,0.0,0.0,0.3113316246448829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551650325912875,0.12525087308210645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220939329495348,0.0,0.0,0.2660473736609623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245380488810118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490850594116036,0.12767570495933125,0.0,0.0,0.07971516578313508,0.0,0.0,0.12621748814353348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302540291335406,0.09819538502243602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636956425832365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742524987817663,0.2655600296762769,0.0,0.1287147511047866,0.08138599954718946,0.0,0.0,0.09613145671006276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31758441210723964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367686221316873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899102907861034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394040114642941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037548343962852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336213221187115,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chocolathentai,2019/05/13,"Feeling completely alone. This is the first thread I have ever made on reddit. My English isn't that great, so please bare with me. I apologize upfront.

I think that I have had borderline almost all my life. I have had my fair share of fuckery and disappointment in life. My father raped me when I was 6, my boyfriend with whom I am still with has assaulted me last year (since a year and 2 months he did not toughed me), I have problems coping with every aspect of life. I have noticed that I have an extremely major hate towards my self, my brother thinks I am crying to much and I need to suck up and my sister hates me. My mom is so sweet towards me, but that is also because I am the saddest child of the 3 and I need more emotional caring then anyone else.

I am the quite borderliner. Every anger that I have goes back to myself. Nobody of my friends knows about my mental state and thinks that I am just weird. I do alot of self harm (hitting myself in the face with or without objects) , because I think I don't deserve anything, or that I can't do anything right, I apologize alot and for no reason, I can't keep a job, because my anxiety goes through the roof. So I started my own company which is very hard for me too, because I think I can't do it. I always hear that voice in my head that I am worthless and I don't know to keep that voice quite.

I am going to Bali in a few days for the second time, because I love it there so much. I hated myself lesser then normal when I was there and that voice in my head is quite.so I had to go back, because for the first time in life... I am ready to die on the island that gave a good feeling for the first time in life. I never knew it could feel this good and I came back home... I had a terrible mental break down that was worse then any other I had.
The only one I would hurt is my mom, but she will be okay because she has my brother and sister whom are smart and rich. I am just the weakest link of them all.
This week I am getting ready for my trip and at the end of the trip... I can finally say goodby to every one.",3.7606878917848894,4.080759545034642,4.74823078192016,88.56369226327946,71.33256351039259,7.386638073243152,26.318789178488952,7.021680442328713,1.0109057076872316,1605,47,356,13,28,525,196,433,0.171,0.711,0.11800000000000001,-0.9786,1,1,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,5,18,26,7,0,22,1,49,10,3,2,4,56,79,27,1,6,8,7,4,0,1,2,5,5,1,3,23,19,0,2,13,0,1,5,10,15,0,6,13,10,74,11,43,61,10,48,0,3,0,2,24,15,1,5,26,264,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006499871787638,0.08281093793978332,0.0,0.06394127493362588,0.0665303076281768,0.0,0.0,0.05437323901353213,0.0,0.06116659048160372,0.0,0.0,0.05590752324761365,0.08192499937285215,0.13159496034172774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844451010778886,0.0,0.34118566624178404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144906516656362,0.08152109629883393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383298802334238,0.0,0.0,0.06383884975609164,0.0,0.08782858546357282,0.051565401066099935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298234129848274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679349077613378,0.08994042832886177,0.07081782718654474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723253345191492,0.20210068613909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128539864895715,0.0,0.0,0.0875885618479878,0.0,0.20403316380834305,0.0,0.0,0.06177428125417288,0.0,0.04177403046962827,0.0,0.09088237211325999,0.13412762778685142,0.0,0.08815244866256758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162542062240933,0.2368218071065613,0.16411710588246525,0.0,0.09011691449150094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020300261080786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559520846073164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934460139735063,0.142138223738121,0.0,0.0,0.0878841274741733,0.06517531167485081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823786035881539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216396540423697,0.07565688096989384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115492083672292,0.0,0.0,0.18728843875999301,0.0638206060703061,0.0,0.11755462170629186,0.11857363157700974,0.0616674695050879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834050483989907,0.0,0.0910311344260258,0.0,0.0,0.10836134121086398,0.060810607554694335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776835110974336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650768074920633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700874010365344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220871543986515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828251105904416,0.0,0.06358470828385222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668243715534878,0.0,0.0,0.06614093694142932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659370257433779,0.0,0.06385345483046574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561648471420985,0.0,0.0,0.1398700329890944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597257987684435,0.0,0.0,0.0641363724463422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707532216186723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148262004772691,0.05679888416771035,0.0,0.0,0.10297887523528786
bpd,nachochipsandcheese,2019/05/13,"Happy 1 year, BPD! What a year it’s been! I’ve worked hard to stop the toxic traits. I’ve worked hard at bettering myself. I’ve worked hard on being less vulnerable and more powerful. I’ve worked hard to stabilize my relationships. I’ve worked hard to be better. 

When I was first diagnosed, I wanted to crawl in a hole and sob. I wanted to give up on myself and just see that I’m never going to get better. I’ve had many ups and many downs. But I never gave up. 

My next year I’m dedicating it to finishing things and sticking to them. I’ve gone to the gym a LOT this year, but never consistently. I’m going to be more social and not in the bars. I’m going to stop making excuses for my behavior (I’m allowed to have this explosive reaction, because of my BPD, type of thing) and I’m going to see the bigger picture. 

I didn’t think I could get better or be better, but here I am. I’m overcoming this with time, some patience, and consistency, so I can be happy and it be genuine! 


I hope you all can find this encouraging and see that there is hope! I wish you guys could see how down the downs were prior to being diagnosed. Or even know the half of it. 💚💚",0.9265289256198344,3.009873272727276,3.3984231404958685,87.93872561983473,82.80165289256199,6.681917355371901,19.18413223140496,7.839951260653429,0.7005621157024802,900,23,195,17,25,312,118,242,0.054000000000000006,0.784,0.162,0.9874,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,1,12,7,11,0,0,9,0,19,3,0,3,4,39,47,18,0,7,7,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,11,1,2,3,2,0,5,5,1,0,2,7,9,19,10,30,31,6,32,0,1,4,0,10,12,1,6,15,124,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475004966721266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971678723001876,0.0,0.0,0.22623628892442044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341904590193416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231953427525344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932159128655096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208877203984173,0.07639611771814894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938486770410634,0.08615819588391427,0.20417446660753066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893041729556768,0.0,0.1912182852879364,0.4022804893586937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841201083780778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049359667978146685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635702602862961,0.0,0.0,0.059951836854985514,0.1821154926834166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078113015835405,0.0,0.09551867703274083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642709762540533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862819249680585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155451210243898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017778876853624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193374476102506,0.057549467308860576,0.0,0.0,0.05237152287416176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594976874571976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328217478746604,0.0,0.0,0.3269299140290846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135022154577586
bpd,Nightmare_Blues,2019/05/13,"160mg of Fluoxetine (Prozac) Anxiety Treatment but possible BPD Hey there guys! So I've been on Prozac for over a month and I've stopped taking them as I tried to take about 5 at once. I know it wouldn't kill me but I was super impulsive. The reason why I'm posting here is because I've spoke to my friends, multiple times and even me, myself agree I relate and have experienced a number of symptoms relating to BPD. I am yet to be diagnosed with it however. So what would happen if I took this amount of Prozac?",2.689604700854701,4.53625499038462,4.233974358974358,85.28880341880344,76.01923076923076,8.083760683760685,25.97863247863248,8.841846274778883,1.96112735042735,405,15,84,9,9,135,77,104,0.035,0.779,0.18600000000000005,0.9578,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,0,3,0,8,5,0,1,0,12,15,9,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,11,2,14,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280117165210097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176014282625837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031331116475039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273271593638295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192692009660226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431925303148836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777480344445406,0.17663013714546333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098361034606864,0.0,0.10977232458064737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943120756457566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21271744202871495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517774977572005,0.1912964809138688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053668177402097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669922595589817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760717923667352,0.3003604596164746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647047160589792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219193874637903,0.13561089751999106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802350118157521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189013938856634,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,masosub,2019/05/13,"Feeling emotions so intensely sucks.. Just a bit of a rant here. My partner wants to go and see John wick 3 when it comes out. I haven't seen any of them so decided to watch them so I could go with him to the cinema. 
Holy shit.. the first movie.. the break in scene with the puppy. I started full on sobbing and turned into a crying mess and had to turn the movie off. Thankfully I can see the funny side of how my bpd affected me watching that scene.
Will try and watch it again tomorrow..  but skip past that part. 

Does anybody else get affected so heavily from watching movies?",1.4235117056856197,3.8626595652173954,2.533043478260872,92.65789297658866,83.78260869565217,6.321070234113712,21.88963210702341,7.61054688173877,0.9405986622073588,450,15,95,8,13,143,82,115,0.09300000000000001,0.861,0.045,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,9,5,2,0,9,0,5,1,1,3,0,18,19,11,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,4,0,1,2,8,10,1,15,15,3,17,0,1,7,0,4,7,3,0,6,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978346568475206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441124343839444,0.0,0.2588875059513193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706618611065694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411778709768998,0.0,0.2257909273941215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988130060624394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171361859731854,0.2312200818834878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039340532689168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484374831680768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739324823396693,0.0,0.2336416438329355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259446830548826,0.196224126489577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275991394054523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109977696488204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549186374209186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924609584775734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955737050900813,0.4471664818716455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212408120602692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,The_Ole_Roparino,2019/05/13,"I went no contact with my FP last week I met my FP two years ago. We went from not even knowing each other’s names to 24/7 contact within a day, despite living 970 miles apart. Within a month we were codependent. They were everything I needed in a friend. Loving, smart, caring, everything. She even helped me figure out I had BPD, and was totally okay with being my FP. And of course like always, I began to develop feelings for her. And like usual, they weren’t mutual. She was okay with it and still needed to be friends, but it tore me apart watching her fall in love. She’s moving in with her boyfriend in a few weeks. Which is when I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore. I blocked her on all social media, deleted her number, everything. But fuck man. This is excruciating. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I feel like I’m always on the verge of tears, even alcohol doesn’t help anymore. I can’t even hear her name without it sending me into a downward spiral. It feels like my suicidal idealization has gotten tenfold worse. 

This fucking sucks. I’m probably just going to kill myself or something. I dunno.",2.0176536098310294,4.554658451612905,3.4339458525345634,86.54710925499235,81.99539170506912,6.012980030721966,22.866551459293394,7.333567415737692,1.1026652841781872,872,30,165,13,24,285,134,217,0.157,0.684,0.159,-0.8270000000000001,1,0,2,0,0,1,34.0,2,0,2,1,7,17,4,0,6,2,17,7,1,0,2,35,38,8,2,4,6,0,3,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,10,13,2,1,6,0,0,6,9,4,0,1,11,5,34,13,23,24,4,32,0,0,1,4,28,15,3,2,15,111,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356232651731673,0.12485523414114083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194423050818321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23172699533294905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714269933435414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911548896672199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534537979270871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195457725544768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086592027198061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31499653673171885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772175574238565,0.25038911210900644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805244053682792,0.21601403012869594,0.0,0.0,0.0663969124816676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167536774135544,0.0,0.15661673845693333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925456179378836,0.0,0.06420645263482318,0.09523165746262674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283080222476764,0.0,0.10316261267956664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088641873493186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325221376255947,0.1241712979711189,0.0,0.17325522772756793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596198990044896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169138997992522,0.11909298999766715,0.0,0.08994107759122041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330021110687907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779254024234726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412547179893835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286712183424729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742719888096315,0.0,0.0,0.21660428382497665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261949487190302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905926894917687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523438492491072
bpd,he_sits_behind_me,2019/05/13,"Identified with the entire song yet I didn't leave until he did. [Dog Teeth by Nicole Dollangager](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPXNlJ7bpUo)

CW: Sexual assault, domestic abuse, suicide attempt

TL;DR Abuse story. He is currently facing no reprecussions and sits behind me in class.

I have been diagnosed with BPD amongst some other things. While I do not talk about it explicitly throughout this post, it definitely exacerbates the situtation.

I am currently listening to this song, crying, on the couch where we used to sleep together, where he used to fuck me, where he smashed a sandwhich so hard into my nose it bled everywhere, where he would force me to watch pornography while interrogating me as to why I did not perform like those Japanese girls, where I had to watch endless anime, where he told me repeatedly that he loves me...

Throwaway because I am still afraid of him. As my username suggests, he still sits behind me in my math course. He still is in my life.

I reported him for sexual assault. Not for revenge, but because I did not want him to ruin anyone else's life. The investigator came back and sanctioned him with charges of sexual assualt, domestic violence, and dangerous conduct. He was supposed to have to decide on requesting an appeal or accepting the sanctions within 5 days. It has been 20 days now. He still sits behind me in math. He still plans on taking the final tomorrow. For all I know he walked in graduation yesterday (the ceremony is before finals week due to snow days). Will he really get away without any sort of punishment?

Again, I do not want him to get in trouble to make myself feel better. I just know he will do this to another girl. I know who his next target is. I tried telling the authorities about her and they have not done anything as far as I know.

He was my favorite person for sure. I was obsessed with him since day one. I loved him so much. He hurt me so much.

People ask why I tried to kill myself. I say the stress of college. The true reason? I was giving him a blowjob and he could not maintain an erection. He said I was terrible and to stop. Then he said ""I will let you think about that,"" and left me alone. I thought, ""This is it. He is gone for good. I am so worthless I cannot even provide him with pleasure. I am nothing."" Why did I think this? Because he brainwashed me into thinking I was only good for my body while also convincing me I was ugly and mentally handicaped. I believed him. Without him I felt I would be nothing and that he was the only person who cared about me and I had nothing else. So, I went to the bathroom and cut my wrists. The doctor said I hit an artery. Fast forward a year, he leaves to study abroad in Japan. I try to kill myself again. It is not as bad as the first time. I drive to the local pharmacy and get bandages then go to class. It was a few weeks after that, that because he was gone and could not drive himself into my brain and body, that I realized how harmful he is. So I kicked him out. Completely legally as he was not there to renew the lease with me. 

It was not until 9 months later I reported him. Now we are here, with me wondering why he is allowed to graduate after breaking the law and after hurting me for so long. We only knew each other for three years, but it felt like an eternal rollercoaster of love and violence.

When I close my eyes I still see him in my face about to hit me. Telling me I am retarded. Making me believe I was incapable of communicating my thoughts so that I would never tell anyone what this wonderful man who everyone loves does behind the locked door he often would not let me walk through.

I really need support right now. I can't study for my final tomorrow because I dread having to see him again and because I dread the fact he is about to graduate, go to Japan, and lead another girl to spiral down into the abyss.",3.5888833746898285,5.702707623655916,4.480451612903226,83.3268312655087,74.24193548387099,7.696741108354011,27.037551695616212,8.525476647629121,2.0290657402812244,3048,116,578,58,65,984,335,744,0.15,0.754,0.09699999999999999,-0.9918,4,1,0,0,4,3,104.0,3,1,1,6,42,37,8,5,28,0,61,19,10,8,6,100,111,46,3,9,18,0,4,2,0,7,4,7,2,6,30,36,0,1,19,2,0,12,19,21,0,3,36,17,107,16,94,61,6,100,0,4,5,5,80,31,1,6,56,405,137,13,0.0,0.14577465295433775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371283287960969,0.0,0.04919494773646494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041833520747118234,0.12901141776532474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602792756624156,0.06303121210268367,0.05062306939542256,0.0,0.057509886309303065,0.0,0.05779704098856653,0.04730260757334357,0.05136394278215568,0.22500035321408504,0.0,0.052346249914718763,0.13861669318764655,0.0,0.054406593903264994,0.0,0.13666255199581145,0.07747823248143712,0.06867307269080232,0.0,0.07035880948710638,0.0627204583581337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449917472995488,0.0,0.0,0.098232288316647,0.0,0.06757329559245147,0.15869293898752665,0.0,0.0,0.06243823804590646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296503229377823,0.05383374982203472,0.06295302538419738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277875413897762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040631253833938535,0.0,0.0,0.05878192072362792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031104732970085494,0.0,0.11813151423005736,0.20216588081314046,0.0,0.052326142701389314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687127299307245,0.09641993756746887,0.059012502040335174,0.06992280887296741,0.10319471492927904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510695286854103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170997328685052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611840795702054,0.0,0.13523205667840474,0.0,0.0,0.13027477803352824,0.06683816281869034,0.12581015342552812,0.0869022437218234,0.06010798396761732,0.0,0.0,0.054440415581877434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220851873975099,0.0,0.08212585833374447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199444659389716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910210788567063,0.0,0.09044382485372812,0.045613913817084586,0.047445534085643434,0.0,0.06542379474704305,0.0,0.0,0.17708103216488905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041685363038626896,0.14035885256813846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042647990430375884,0.10742816114105863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058916071624041215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788184505858975,0.06324949672561603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052534995061503394,0.1755496384963141,0.0489206135490658,0.0,0.0,0.09804182009597294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088731714298847,0.0,0.061561207929009536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29476428580177105,0.05143078366019311,0.07046726507298219,0.0,0.0,0.06728937410473564,0.06980851435032616,0.057978838302492765,0.0,0.046252963638577865,0.049444858550713525,0.16130513481084607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086901599052123,0.1182524084496898,0.0,0.0976749056352442,0.03587092984898424,0.0,0.0,0.05878192072362792,0.0,0.12529756919395155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626149523934857,0.0,0.0,0.07256838284664155,0.0,0.09869010255987196,0.0,0.0,0.05702667252465079,0.22203730700258625,0.0,0.0,0.118599963778021,0.13342465026065606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479902557592536,0.0,0.0,0.07922958043014817
bpd,fluffalump83,2019/05/13,"How do you stop yourself from being impulsive? I have a really big problem with hoarding animals, dogs specifically. Whenever I’m really down for a while or nothing good has happened... I get another dog and it makes me feel better. I have 3 currently though one is definitely my husband’s. I need to figure out a way to stop this impulse because I’ve been pretty down lately and I just keep thinking that I need another dog and then I’ll have 3 (my perfect number of dogs) and everything will be perfect.  I know this is a really dumb post but I’ve given up most of my materialistic impulsive desires because of money and now it’s like I have nothing left. Nothing is ever happy or entertaining. I’m just in this giant complacent rut.",3.0784708249496973,5.546877450704226,5.484024144869217,73.8104225352113,77.30985915492958,8.564185110663983,29.86116700201207,9.23628265651192,3.255815291750503,586,28,100,16,14,206,91,142,0.105,0.76,0.135,0.6386,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,3,6,9,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,2,3,29,25,12,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,13,7,13,20,1,18,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,3,9,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403088546705748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783678537673371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351478325295638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678266364651193,0.0,0.0,0.1458379702634913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204867627405395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477946910787021,0.0,0.0,0.1361045241341357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434949800583438,0.17273961894353862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423318761658388,0.0,0.0,0.08917944457963986,0.0,0.1830478256608968,0.0,0.17630702019327316,0.0,0.0,0.07927701103861144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831660202057818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064255764355355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671078287778781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995847032707418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540997225949327,0.16508710539908342,0.0,0.15527064263784582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118632882701956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27133026495449697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397617611063656,0.15942962328161414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288025120497601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dogmomdrinkstea,2019/05/13,"Acting - hobby/career? Fellow borderlines - do you think having BPD can help you be more suitable for acting, with your depths of emotions? I've (26F) always wanted to act, even locally as a hobby.",2.6594285714285704,5.6757903714285725,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,88.14285714285714,5.085714285714286,18.42857142857143,6.742157984588678,0.8279714285714288,153,4,22,2,5,50,32,35,0.0,0.91,0.09,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653158173316359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5529545518956276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4938600505162878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899812765099651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942787471773289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813186165569931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589567181231772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,okiedokieartofchokie,2019/05/13,"Having a fit, need help calming down My birthday is Saturday and I got my dress in the mail and it's too big and looks terrible on me. My hairdresser said she'd try to fit me in this week and said even if she has to take care of me in between other cuts she would, and now she can't at all. My roots are showing, my hair looks like shit, I dont have a dress and these would be small issues to normal people but birthdays are really important to me and it feels like no one cares anymore and looking good makes me feel good and this whole post feels so stupid",7.892796610169494,4.820536584745764,7.614000000000001,82.50811864406779,64.50847457627118,11.13491525423729,32.922033898305095,8.841846274778883,2.301004745762712,439,11,101,5,5,140,81,118,0.10800000000000001,0.684,0.20800000000000002,0.8966,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,3,0,3,0,12,2,2,2,1,21,26,12,0,5,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,9,16,7,12,19,2,14,0,0,3,0,8,10,1,1,5,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554875998693455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403905784105133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563960049466814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025506155508796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532130262793016,0.11925414491685853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28002433036373103,0.13350840857675586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188902185302156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423055610406624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310620143270851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42053507333701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142643545851064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377577360092125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635550241968857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131154427710775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572758323727313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598718840929988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693902231692984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175755011563288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135026846534407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550986917408458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133338657694656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390041293197627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863703201988867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371632118886903,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,picknick2313,2019/05/13,"need advice from people with bpd hello, i have gotten to know a girl with bpd, i know her only online, we flirt but are clear its for fun, i fear she might get feelings for me still.

​

I am scared the closer we get, the worse it kind of is, because eventually I will have to ""reject her"" as our lives will part in different ways, and how I understood bpd, the rejection is not like normal, and i could expect to get attacked in all sorts of ways i guess.

So its a mutual beneficial relationship in many ways, she is lonely and so am i, but she is putting me on a pedestal and into something im not (to some extent), then theres small bursts of drama, but she is reflected enough to bounce back. 

​

I read horrible stories and it frightens me to get involved at all, especially since I am honestly not look for anything more then talking and flirting for fun.

​

any honest and real advice is greatly appreciated",5.354833333333332,6.3014339277777776,6.058888888888893,78.34000000000002,68.05555555555556,8.666666666666668,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.3796666666666666,737,27,137,12,12,241,109,180,0.17800000000000002,0.6729999999999999,0.149,-0.7457,1,2,1,0,0,0,34.0,3,0,0,0,6,15,1,2,6,0,16,0,0,1,3,36,28,16,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,12,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,2,23,9,23,22,7,16,0,3,1,0,14,8,0,4,5,99,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999271933850062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33251677666852725,0.37290672378951545,0.0695655738542685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418184293034002,0.0,0.0,0.11637778280489293,0.0,0.07866019837380271,0.0,0.062359396680030266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865190598969765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167595490078665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687875495793499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105700307681649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151127405628666,0.051724515651646194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378416695773075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278297539611835,0.11269185018296697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049848253028836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652674584195697,0.11243968303784516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049977223088717854,0.0,0.0903302627309088,0.0,0.08590384666424415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371325979476953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852111640478272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585204481368507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002294929287615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780159666258259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077785093252418,0.0,0.07091996740974339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028368962301962,0.0,0.0,0.10232483885041373,0.11643655898343007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098288616736662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241729882614392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846212643768456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787533483118656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169464075431407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222257887439385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435961621697467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424954123771672,0.0,0.0,0.37290672378951545,0.0
bpd,alan13446,2019/05/13,"Can two BPD's really get along and why they attract each other. Honestly, three failed relationships with BPD women in the last 10 years, wasting 10 years of my life, and 3 1/2 + 3 + 2 of theirs. I seem to attract them, and I seem to be attracted to them. What's the deal with this?",3.3480508474576283,3.918829864406781,4.762500000000003,87.18917372881359,72.38983050847456,8.611864406779661,24.91949152542373,8.841846274778883,1.4508610169491525,218,6,50,4,4,73,42,59,0.099,0.7240000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,4,9,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6082607683080177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489510017351248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616116687795975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683504991245968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056153657929454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154695615061017,0.0,0.0,0.2592546967871084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396610955594367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588682100427474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789439856993745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110050650465607
bpd,ennwhysee1,2019/05/13,Bpd books? What are some interesting books about bpd? Preferred from the person diagnosed with BPD. I’ve heard people that people who write about bpd from the outside tend to make us look like bad people.,4.199054054054051,7.2215282972973025,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,76.83783783783784,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.5567351351351357,165,4,29,2,4,48,28,37,0.083,0.785,0.132,0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,2,6,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,14,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410696708412812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8511674269147208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148492136599794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825424709821012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418789466943181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127782173171091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513946348066587,0.14752426031163438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032310581300464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,phoenixagencyx,2019/05/13,"wondering if I might have BPD. If it were so, how would I go about seeking a diagnosis and treatment? I’m sorry if this sounds like self diagnosis. I’m not doing that, but I was studying personality disorders for college work, and something with BPD rang a bell. I’m basically looking for help regarding the next step with this. 

The thing that is taking over my life almost entirely is fear of abandonment. I feel I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with my boyfriend; a lot of paranoia and jealousy from my side. But the sheer panic and terror I experience when he acts off is something else. If he ever talks about breaking up or takes a long time to respond my stomach hurts badly with fear. My heart thumps and I feel restless and terrified. When I was broken up with before, I went into a deep depression and could not even function months afterwards. My dad left the country when I was 8 without telling me, and stayed partially in contact but I hardly ever saw him which may have contributed to this. 

The next thing is the emptiness I feel. Oh my god it’s agonizing. It feels most noticeable when I’m out in public with the world bustling around me and I just feel detached. It’s as though I’m in a bubble observing everyone else.

I’m starting to feel like an evil person. I have such a horrible temper and I act so neurotically in relationships. Even the slightest criticism makes me feel rejected. I’m torn between trying to cling on to my bf and pushing him away. The relationship is basically not working and it’s because of me.  I’m fed up of the terror I feel when he goes out with friends, or has contact with another girl and I always assume the absolute worst. I’ve also pushed my friends away, convincing myself they don’t like.

I’m basically drained. Whatever this is, is horribly impacting my life. But if it were BPD, I’d appreciate any advice on going about getting a diagnosis/treatment. I don’t have much money, so I feel treatment would be an issue. Thanks.",3.452631917631916,5.989127685185185,4.7832132132132115,78.96554054054056,76.38095238095238,8.001830401830402,29.52838552838553,8.841846274778883,2.7751619333619333,1587,73,284,37,37,525,198,378,0.266,0.659,0.076,-0.9983,0,1,2,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,1,2,23,21,2,6,22,0,27,5,2,2,2,65,58,36,0,8,16,1,10,3,3,4,2,2,0,4,15,25,1,1,11,0,1,8,6,14,0,0,8,14,37,7,43,44,4,45,0,4,2,0,24,21,0,14,17,192,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734955801371717,0.0,0.0,0.0895098246837956,0.0,0.0,0.07148407420244361,0.07437852079334982,0.0,0.0,0.06078734989731186,0.09373179752016564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957485343703967,0.0,0.0,0.16796716560574404,0.0,0.0746357922126238,0.054490493722013256,0.0,0.07606316065561697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33774564104304994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136956649206942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699031659342243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244714160170627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493455004091713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808072566974925,0.16171431003996214,0.0,0.08541468943680441,0.0,0.08743925582009739,0.0,0.20117417425153894,0.4067783030145173,0.06385927218349216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812290447945585,0.0,0.046701882265029034,0.0,0.10160326391023948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007467614414054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592598522233099,0.059915330455291564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569240274505113,0.0,0.0,0.09329853073608256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712103397448588,0.0,0.1262756995260517,0.13101234325274655,0.0,0.0,0.07910614577566047,0.07506395614077185,0.0,0.0,0.07599503694946089,0.0,0.0,0.05966762057069134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482723578136153,0.0,0.0,0.07134917069937098,0.0,0.06571094578279654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013169496006987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176957489192254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487832545186783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610144935162265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879098844508834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325186092461064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763150576309116,0.0,0.1000632796475536,0.06326974928814698,0.09527641148368808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441828630594313,0.07184721399650212,0.07812962344441939,0.08229706273660307,0.0,0.0,0.11877169937439624,0.0,0.08782389857363099,0.0,0.0521232429145314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606890283505487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286417768158237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616747248651914,0.09693818205439554,0.13015200925823828,0.0,0.0,0.1269982700431077,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cheesecakereall8,2019/05/13,"Weird question involving bpd I may be crazy but given how individuals with bpd generally feel and act in intimate relationships, would it be healthier for two people with bpd to be in a relationship? I feel like in that scenario there would be some sort of mutual understanding that may act to the betterment of the relationship given that each individual has similar thought patterns.

Curious to get your guys thoughts on this",10.160675675675677,10.489447094594595,10.28175675675676,54.29804054054057,57.78378378378378,14.967567567567567,42.82432432432432,13.816669648895859,6.647659459459463,351,18,54,14,4,117,53,74,0.04,0.879,0.081,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,19,17,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,2,3,2,12,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,5,1,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585024380666822,0.0,0.0,0.6230983206127075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676775963201895,0.1178123428334992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615911168808492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632876668657618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056711041304672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432841786042215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847378914927648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311576040925953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618415853420806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610939361104241,0.17167800876569073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342958699339457,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Siddarthasaurus,2019/05/13,"Advice? Intimacy with my pwBPD Hi,

I'm hoping to get some perspective and advice. I've (on and off) been dating a girl for almost 3 years who was recently diagnosed with BPD. 

She's just started DBT recently, and it seems like it helps her focus and be aware of her feelings and reactions. It's lead to, in my opinion, us being able to finally have conversations about some things and spend time together with less conflict. 

But I'm feeling really, really hurt and confused by her attitude towards sex and affection. 

Basically, we used to be intensely affectionate and sexual. Like sex in public, making out, cuddling most days. It was awesome. 

For the last year and a half, not only does she no longer initiate sex or kissing or affection, she withdraws and resists me trying to initiate or bringing them up in conversation. All she will tell me is ""I just don't feel like it and I don't know how long I need to figure out what's going on"". Otherwise, we can't discuss it, we can't kiss, and we can't have sex. 

I know she has some trauma in her past, and we've tried couple's counseling three times, but nothing has changed or improved. I honestly feel like she's just not interested in or attracted to me anymore. 

Does anyone have some advice or experience with BPD and sex and what might be going on?


Thanks for your time.",4.656173374613001,6.182746505882356,5.886563467492259,76.76321981424151,70.21568627450979,9.60371517027864,29.89164086687305,9.93914555978268,3.079117647058823,1049,42,193,27,19,351,143,255,0.052000000000000005,0.794,0.154,0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,5,1,1,1,5,15,0,1,3,0,20,9,0,6,1,66,39,25,0,2,13,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,26,0,1,8,0,1,4,8,3,0,2,3,4,27,12,30,30,7,31,0,1,0,8,26,13,0,17,18,130,37,1,0.12273131184173028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597948524787448,0.0,0.0,0.12289768030822824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171648245972032,0.08581658688487523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091515817028205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983345433735075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135799862166015,0.0,0.07915154282981557,0.0,0.0,0.12456969804553775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480599612882725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005477327354355,0.0,0.0,0.2482265557219493,0.17535854740521553,0.0,0.1344461530634868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412204488921439,0.0,0.13950206572769325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226421126249077,0.0,0.0,0.12189988530910552,0.0,0.0,0.1313864077159404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348998385742434,0.10004239988099264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23984127827140106,0.0,0.0,0.10861334885077964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192410367861012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019852679569086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910037126078374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776400379392515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334269314035876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171609244903344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724964216132456,0.0,0.24236472805584955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172997683500537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686985421617201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727257615121656,0.11299450247208735,0.0,0.0,0.0815372300802979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21469684474193412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666530088912796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763065663774888,0.10600044772324284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806988184390758
bpd,alliegirllovesdoggos,2019/05/13,"emptiness google “borderline personality and emptiness” for some super relatable articles. i’m surprised that there are words to describe the emptiness we endure, but some of the articles hit it head-on",10.655454545454548,12.161637121212125,9.438939393939396,56.77840909090909,56.57575757575758,12.660606060606062,46.80303030303031,12.161744961471696,6.665012121212124,167,10,21,5,2,52,28,33,0.16399999999999998,0.727,0.109,-0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7616403279787544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480000083305676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sophietehbeanz,2019/05/13,"stuck and can't escape cause the emotions don't stop I feel worthless.  I was raised on the thought of ""you don't have anything, it's just that you're lazy."" I'm wondering if it is laziness.  What do you think?  Nevermind, don't think about it cause you'll end up getting to that point like I do.  I cry, cry all the time.  I feel worthless all the time.  I can't sleep either.  I don't even sleep well.  I will stay up until 2 am just browsing videos and living vicariously through other people.   Then, my eyes will begin to get heavy.  I fall asleep in the mornings.  Occasionally I don't even fall asleep and will stay awake until the afternoon of the next day.  After a while I wonder where the hours went by and why I'm wasting them?  Then, a thought creeps in.  Thoughts on the past and what I would do differently, then I think about how attractive I would look if I bought this skirt and these boots.  I go on websites and start spending like crazy.  I drop 250 dollars on an outfit that will probably end up gathering dust in my closet.  I don't even look good in a skirt.  I look at the new skirt from my bed and I just day-dream of scenarios where I am at a bar; confident with an exotic tan.  Then I'm like I'm gonna need a tan if I'm going to wear that new skirt!  I buy 90 dollars worth of Loving Tan product.  It's still sitting in the box on my table.  It's been 6 months since I had that thought and I have a ton of trash I haven't even thrown out.   Why in the fuck would I be buying a god damn skirt?   I haven't gone to a bar in 4 years.  I constantly stop talking to people.  They don't care about me, why should I care about them?  I'm gonna throw myself over the hill now.  Ta-ta.",0.8344537815126074,2.7261745742296952,2.3364593837535037,96.4786386554622,81.96918767507003,5.5365826330532215,19.443697478991595,6.610729790773281,-0.10552638655462188,1301,33,310,13,35,422,170,357,0.10300000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.091,-0.5801,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,3,3,0,17,13,2,0,23,0,32,10,6,3,2,41,69,20,0,8,7,0,2,3,0,11,0,0,2,0,15,11,2,2,11,3,7,7,11,4,1,0,11,6,41,9,40,46,4,61,0,2,4,2,9,22,2,5,31,184,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078584605446043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001824604433625,0.20169601504380616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060872893197292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156710732999507,0.12662352848299865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256713732994613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042844768795748,0.17389961044547622,0.0,0.0,0.25936240187957216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927577285598732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075692090205376,0.10257992816229823,0.0,0.11158496197027867,0.08234064482333113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667803498982164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388324525095827,0.0,0.08668623119924715,0.0,0.24731514625474266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886025875867452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835864905022882,0.0,0.0,0.07279208202064537,0.0,0.1896271012538112,0.10440529730524688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371472196817364,0.13611794111212006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280272675494464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584425786833827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120754071086995,0.0,0.19648252569723826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948548989945838,0.20927309503490346,0.07839898060813112,0.16414964247933622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890562106895281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887108185788835,0.0,0.3117452175172249,0.11448785904208413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826694826785456,0.09100491223851268,0.26575045600869635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129231471847937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20921223277193174,0.0,0.0,0.06321849666595088
bpd,redchairwhitetable,2019/05/13,"Do you think Daenerys Targaryen has BPD? childhood trauma - check

fear of abundant - check

weird relationship with men - check

rage - check!

and probably a lot more, what do you think?",6.021000000000001,9.26775776666667,4.043333333333333,83.885,71.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,30.0,7.793537801064563,2.174,143,6,23,2,3,40,24,30,0.32299999999999995,0.677,0.0,-0.899,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588924635237186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100007573800408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097616562595613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928363970299356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911809956761359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669280415338372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lazeroid2077,2019/05/13,"My fp might be leaving me Right so this is fun... so the story is I was with this girl, she dumped me for some dude, then on Saturday she dumped me and we hooked up... only thing is yesterday she also hooked up with the guy she was dating befor me, then today we met up and I accidentally pulled some of her hair and she had a go at me, so I started going on about how she hurt me so much more and so on and so now she won’t talk to me... I’m her fp too but I worry so much since she’s almost just dropped me from her life befor...

Sorry I had to get that out..",0.15277818181818148,1.445892336,2.6242181818181827,96.48810909090912,81.64,5.505454545454546,16.163636363636364,6.1124844417494595,-0.7394800000000004,422,6,109,3,11,146,74,125,0.105,0.895,0.0,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,0,13,4,2,0,3,0,10,2,1,1,0,17,16,17,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,5,1,27,1,16,8,5,21,0,1,0,0,17,9,0,4,8,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447039307769154,0.0,0.0,0.17926588831675236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38149840269297103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171177566991365,0.0,0.25479800310721346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219601022488097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399749003487775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373599819086457,0.0,0.0,0.1583354453486308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378052573056447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295763762576447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704887428924389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191436986738292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854328651909987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25093607092267706,0.15866621952180449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801765607775959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148926277865354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248365372310965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276519865041333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,markofgrima,2019/05/13,"My emotions are all out of whack Recently I’ve been just absolutely losing my grasp on my emotions. I have no idea what’s happening and all I know is my BPD is the cause of it. I feel horrible because I feel like I can’t care about my friends anymore, or that I’m putting my relationship with my friends at risk because I’m losing my grip on my emotions.

I’ve been going through a lot but it’s exhausting to handle being friends with people these days and it’s really hard to still be there for others when I can’t feel anything but numb...I feel like a horrid friend.

Not only that but I’ve begun feeling lonely and unwanted a lot, and like people are betraying me. I don’t know what to do at all...Why have my emotions been so much worse and why have I been having so many damn mood swings recently? It’s driving me nuts.",1.558008255933956,3.6768515087719313,3.238204334365328,89.76213622291023,80.69590643274854,6.3627106983144115,24.09391124871001,7.510576382923642,1.1198177502579971,652,24,138,10,17,216,92,171,0.218,0.6509999999999999,0.131,-0.9478,0,2,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,15,1,1,4,0,18,1,0,1,2,29,30,12,0,1,6,0,7,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,9,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,4,7,20,8,15,24,5,14,0,3,0,0,5,5,1,3,9,89,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422318805088799,0.0,0.0,0.09477965662599057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041988150884332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505956194041605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742914006605408,0.11831700713882096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742786956906996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518227925547752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29118107076043903,0.16456285896386327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559373489917037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545691415447702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018493505064611,0.0,0.10317466192710233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001916653978773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659493043269174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880685472954896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577039391654218,0.0,0.1958362524322747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676992102732413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846672748803404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759618891612217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969643631071712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578323037244595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378440078348407,0.0,0.2274439036536157,0.1236554277585409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197933579673256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078560226315284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173737159698925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,motelhon,2019/05/13,"How to stop fantasies/rabbit hole? Do you have any thoughts of actions you think/do when you get one of these? How do YOU stop them and prevent them?

One of these as in - something enters your brain and then it keeps entering your brain and then suddenly you can’t stop thinking about it and before it was “hm, my partner said something about someone in a slightly odd way” - to full blown fantasies of them cheating on you with that someone. This happens to me once every few days and I can’t sleep and I have a lot of dreams of being cheated on. 

I know there’s a handy workbook etc but I wanna know what you do specifically",2.065279156327545,4.4744532822580645,2.5945161290322574,93.45023573200994,80.69354838709677,4.783126550868487,24.86104218362283,5.8734145424116955,0.5382178660049632,493,19,100,3,13,152,76,124,0.096,0.88,0.025,-0.7501,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,9,3,0,6,2,2,0,3,1,9,3,3,2,0,21,17,13,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,8,7,0,5,4,2,0,3,2,2,1,2,3,1,18,0,18,13,4,17,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,1,8,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091605320147035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513021573739192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969867590722211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467193957512704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830376751303566,0.0,0.0,0.14981154798819354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928977376066986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723569804827894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804459450359185,0.0,0.0,0.19543808730223425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116664809950986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936052490795666,0.24097563317084345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913684726843878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793717000507706,0.0,0.3013135683791726,0.2737717387114509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459682519318636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278653458748098,0.0,0.14116029293390714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113631629678933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CuzYoureObscene,2019/05/13,"My friend and I have bpd. He's confusing me. I need help We're penpals. Different ages and countries. He's been a good friend to me. We've known each other four years.

This happens constantly. He's always assuming the worst of our texts. I used to be more mellow. But this has been happening on a weekly basis for well over a year. There are times I've blocked him. More times than that he's deleted WhatsApp and will send me emails saying he's leaving.

I used to beg him to stay.. I don't anymore.

Here's what happened today. I'm E. He's J

[12/05, 23:54] J: Good luck tomorrow
[13/05, 13:37] J: E?
[13/05, 14:09] J: Hope you have a good trip and be safe
[13/05, 15:13] E: Plans changed. Not going till end of week
[13/05, 15:14] J: Ah okay
Is everything alright?
[13/05, 15:14] E: Yeah.
[13/05, 15:14] E: You?
[13/05, 15:14] J: Yeah
He deleted him asking what i was upto. 
[13/05, 15:57] Ellie: Not much
[13/05, 15:57] Ellie: Had to go out for M to find a strimmer
[13/05, 15:58] Ellie: Not the right strimmer so a right waste of time lol
[13/05, 15:58] Ellie: What about you
[13/05, 16:58] J: Not much also
[13/05, 17:15] E: Are you mad with me
[13/05, 17:21] J: I just got depressed when you read but didn't answer earlier and I can't shake out of it
[13/05, 17:25] E: Because i was in a hurry.
[13/05, 17:28] J: I know that now. But I didn't then.  you know it can be hard to shake these things
[13/05, 17:29] J: Im sorry
[13/05, 17:31] J: Now I'm messing up your day
[13/05, 17:33] E: You aren't. Why are you saying that
[13/05, 17:38] J: Because i feel i have upset you by being my oversensitive self
[13/05, 17:39] E: If i were upset I'd say it. I'm not. Just mildly annoyed you keep assuming stuff about me
[13/05, 17:39] J: I can't help it. 
Ill go away now.

If i don't answer quickly he thinks he's doing something wrong. If i read it but don't reply he gets more upset.

I used to respond more nicely. Apologise. Explain. But it's made no difference. Nowadays i just be real straightforward. I get messages like ""I've made you angry"" when he hasn't. Or ""I've upset you"" when he hasn't. It INFURIATES me tbh. 

I don't know what to do???",-1.22751724137931,0.6979451908045995,0.7506206896551753,100.01144827586212,103.98850574712644,3.607356321839081,14.76551724137931,5.59728848550916,-0.8784813793103448,1598,39,367,14,75,519,204,435,0.092,0.7759999999999999,0.132,0.9082,1,0,1,0,0,0,186.0,1,13,0,1,17,26,2,7,9,6,34,1,0,5,0,51,61,21,0,5,17,0,2,1,2,1,1,3,0,1,20,9,0,3,12,2,0,7,17,13,2,1,11,5,46,13,28,44,8,39,0,1,0,0,43,9,0,9,23,182,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346072300742433,0.08684011356229493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350212336173473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756726884154047,0.0,0.09805443547651037,0.0,0.0,0.12723997768205772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144417461073848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040442457537897,0.0,0.0,0.11278158353487852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730684772256952,0.0,0.08988949719429784,0.0,0.0,0.21807860754831102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243649059139412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379661141474213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277012421159552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095387799516025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126441589064774,0.0,0.10905290173048612,0.0,0.17793925347303832,0.2626094522352337,0.08347029464570342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27686910741107634,0.0,0.09349061927624247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990743686113075,0.0,0.0,0.10365808074694953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127322039627558,0.0,0.0,0.09276448532257874,0.0,0.0,0.17206896861577514,0.0,0.0,0.11050755885091312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098751021476844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975055390368306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344069586751072,0.07738539019831844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878666094946705,0.1187903183416435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825442947973785,0.0,0.2489859201788771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887554775507934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034534340514274,0.0,0.11682817129627772,0.0,0.11123929737778776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947305640226777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933552692124463,0.06687293418455931,0.0,0.0,0.182568365933584,0.0,0.09892590014478887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704137811478635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674307564558793,0.0,0.09383674767518556,0.0,0.09417325878832672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410684000311325,0.0,0.13441538959850535
bpd,Reiyla18,2019/05/13,"Am I a monster? I'm not even sure how to start coz this is something I've been running from all my life. I have always felt that I am a horrible person. I'm crazy volatile when triggered, can be really manipulative and I  know just how to make a person feel terrible about themselves. All of this mostly happens when I'm triggered. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and it all started making sense to me. I knew why I had a fear of being all alone, a horrible self image and many other things finally. I read up on the internet about BPDs and found out that many of us have done terrible terrible things and we are considered to be one type of people therapists avoid treating. It hurt a lot. I now feel that I'm an awful person and like some random guy on the internet said about BPDs, I don't deserve to live. It hit me so far up that I'm really shaken. I'm someone who can never get better and worse yet, I'm a monster. Or so everyone says.",2.354346235903688,4.1985000518134745,4.367180737580007,83.97290460225544,76.97927461139895,7.8572386467540385,25.342578482170072,8.671277953709913,1.90036202377324,742,27,150,16,17,254,116,193,0.213,0.774,0.013000000000000001,-0.9883,0,2,1,0,1,0,17.0,2,0,0,1,13,10,0,2,10,1,16,2,0,8,6,38,37,14,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,5,13,10,0,1,6,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,8,5,15,4,19,25,7,16,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,5,10,101,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640327251739507,0.0,0.0,0.1176203892949118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501882327244818,0.0,0.0,0.17803425576099452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347442998514534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465734004533246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933649982102318,0.0,0.0,0.1350727187889865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906598060272306,0.14294874334673055,0.0,0.13572493553532264,0.15484973855702744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499070889923866,0.0,0.0,0.07385322421347466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996570340685124,0.12500157228247086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132564540655322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768613775339002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984466468489836,0.06905991430259098,0.0,0.12482086473778765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017670874782968,0.0,0.0,0.18871385676853347,0.2866277232232228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902327117676837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578719528077637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799917980567162,0.3702825704194316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139530300616576,0.0,0.18111389148761206,0.0,0.13957303321713954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446292478037178,0.1124127996423493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746623174856624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977136955843667,0.1088235630019888,0.0,0.0,0.20010649479140188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322734652657986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412642988934656,0.18782268548265849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700351260520092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755275074470712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405491019740932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SSpatola,2019/05/13,"Not my disorder For the last two years I’ve been telling myself that I am my disorder. I’ve been so down on myself, and it took me until today to realize that I’m not my disorder, and I’m not defined by it. Trying to cope with bpd has been tough, but I think I’ve come a long way in the last six months, I’m finally starting to feel proud of myself for trying to take my life back.",9.223214285714283,3.9319806071428616,9.799047619047617,74.67928571428574,64.35714285714286,13.580952380952379,37.52380952380953,10.504223727775694,3.4686238095238098,297,8,70,5,3,103,52,84,0.016,0.872,0.113,0.7774,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,14,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,4,1,10,1,13,10,0,16,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,10,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281211463241367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339158618581349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998682276229856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6385755331672777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939088333269336,0.0,0.0,0.20345416053919751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027835608877956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118402799435513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643619933353658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824501691981187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145808089702565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396431166083079,0.0,0.16233303395015622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900595884973952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760468827240793,0.0,0.2063488312730666,0.25219202820400405,0.0,0.18142767678302427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742094797203042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960169325892166
bpd,bossybabygirl,2019/05/13,"How does caffeine effect you? How do you limit your intake? I have an addictive personality, I assume lots of people here do. One thing I've always abused in my life is caffeine. Coffee, tea, energy drinks, caffeine pills, etc. I recently cut the habit of drinking energy drinks and my only source of caffeine is coffee (30-50 ounces a day) and a kombucha once a week but I have a feeling it negatively effects my anxiety levels and moods. What are some good guidelines when it comes to BPD and caffeine intake? What rules do you have for yourself? I still love the taste of coffee and it's the one thing I do every single day, without fail. I want to keep this ritual in my life but in a healthy way. How do you manage? 

​

Thank you for reading in advance, I appreciate all of you!",3.2104135338345827,5.457654552631581,4.481127819548874,82.27289473684213,75.84210526315789,6.711278195488722,25.330827067669173,7.7094869923839395,1.5322879699248122,620,22,113,9,14,204,91,152,0.044000000000000004,0.769,0.187,0.9771,0,0,3,0,1,0,26.0,0,7,0,5,6,6,1,0,9,0,11,10,0,5,1,22,17,11,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,6,5,2,4,4,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,2,19,3,14,17,5,14,1,1,0,1,9,5,0,3,6,82,27,3,0.0,0.18459840146727716,0.0,0.16984580484245576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296386975249698,0.16881003787938278,0.1893149536666458,0.0,0.0,0.11918714048933708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622557934078447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420854290959952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095717786011616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363422784515189,0.0,0.0,0.4578762369230992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375901038257155,0.0,0.0,0.1312688440001447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877753598415871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306782697111502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848285729343854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220093342015958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245621858845733,0.14061625170180553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592270447593954,0.21114922863644972,0.11849348425008475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108012616729812,0.13603919760604974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558429029843445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538344358860412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442267309140227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344038990699925,0.0,0.0,0.20701417889854945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189531375356147,0.12366737635057605,0.12497395674747785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018635464944305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893149536666458,0.0
bpd,Monstergirl8,2019/05/13,"The attraction of controlling people I feel like I always attract and STAY with controlling people (until I shut down and I have to disappear).

I am scared of using narcissists because I am not sure if that would be correct. But to summarize it's people who expect you to just listen and not talk, who will kind of belittle you and make you feel bad for doing good in any aspect and that expect you to always put their needs first while you get no time or energy to take care of your own emotions. Basically they like me for not standing up for myself.

I have been thinking about this and I wonder if this happens for people with bpd in general. And if so why? In my case I have found that it's actually the people who don't like me that could be good for me and not vice versa. Because the people that like how I am and how I treat myself and others like me for my insecurity whereas the people that are uncomfortable with my people pleasing tendencies are people that could make me realise how much I need to change.

Does any of this sound familiar? Am I again losing my mind with crazy theories?",5.395269102990035,6.1748604372093086,6.150913621262461,78.31633720930233,67.88372093023256,9.119601328903654,27.45016611295681,9.23628265651192,2.206853820598007,874,26,164,16,14,287,113,215,0.102,0.747,0.151,0.8906,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,6,2,4,7,17,0,2,4,0,18,0,0,8,2,48,33,21,0,10,10,0,2,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,16,14,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,2,4,32,13,28,25,2,15,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,5,10,128,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.10192806067756284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382141145584673,0.0,0.0,0.14205906281959674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721132532043782,0.12734341082154402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155102533403193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064936607634895,0.0,0.11049417212528452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342989470973934,0.16678953346101755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914048341043552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174921081564718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562604189341504,0.07461904799315502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884505368384409,0.0,0.11452395262805586,0.0,0.0,0.05457077531500151,0.0,0.0,0.1752152846446553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236472459660132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876852472482858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25514478933150986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685274991990985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394422733227682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546464991710974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678271376086274,0.1548965932740736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.651711844847067,0.0,0.0,0.11465465300649474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500102487720228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457259734704147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132972359423038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844281912595702,0.0,0.0785333453864015,0.08395289401317907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692729506747812,0.0,0.0,0.060905591805409214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021120000132173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942498120539715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327148919426624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741982306043571,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ConcreteAngel15,2019/05/13,"Being left on two blue ticks Hello everyone, being left on read and ultimately ignored is doing my head in. I get so worked up wondering why they won't respond then the minute they reply it's like it never happened. 
I know I sound loopy, I don't want to be like this.
I wish I was different :/ 


help x",0.7750230414746541,3.0503923548387126,3.0900921658986182,88.68370967741936,85.12903225806451,6.123502304147466,20.147465437788018,7.447530270364453,0.734301382488479,234,7,49,4,7,80,50,62,0.094,0.733,0.17300000000000001,0.7098,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,1,1,0,1,7,14,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,9,2,5,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,4,31,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513292897647657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298610816149893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256803161338882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127224273416034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468793352999938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123927575668864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322030074657926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227284923504526,0.0,0.0,0.2350465251629536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855312253916045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406205899730989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349877618388954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188586190136795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706391573378284,0.0,0.27662694430108176,0.0,0.2608721699245898,0.17512726335320394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OrNahhhhh,2019/05/13,"Found out my fp has been emotionally cheating on me for 9 months... losing my shit - but the gag is, I’ve done worse things? Yuppers, this one is quite the doozy. 

So I found out my fp who is my boyfriend has been keeping up a relationship with his ex. Over text only saying how much they love and miss each other. 

I’m heartbroken and I’ve had a few break downs and full on shut downs after finding out. I almost ended it but I couldn’t and now I’m sick because I no longer have any idea what our future looks like or if we even have one.

But...

I’ve actually done worse things so I have no idea why I’m freaking out. When we first started dating I had a similar relationship with my ex and we would talk about how we’d be together one day again. And when I had a professional issue I ended up calling him for advice and not my bf. Also around Christmas we sent pictures back and forth on Snapchat and masturbated together over the phone. 

That’s mostly in the past now and we hardly talk. 

But one of my coworkers had a crush on me and in the past week or so he’s smacked my ass and kissed my hand (I was standing on a ledge and gave him my hand to help me down and he did and also kissed it). 

So I have done and am actively doing worse things than my bf is but here I am unable to eat or sleep because of what my bf is doing. 

What an absolute mess I’ve made.",1.6401742160278732,3.2564805156794416,3.2774439024390247,92.01206829268295,78.33797909407664,6.403846689895471,21.236097560975608,7.24861992348623,0.4176267317073168,1056,28,243,13,25,350,151,287,0.16699999999999998,0.736,0.09699999999999999,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,7,0,1,3,18,10,2,0,12,0,30,10,5,3,0,52,43,35,0,3,10,2,3,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,12,29,1,1,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,5,16,5,37,4,30,23,5,42,0,2,1,4,30,21,2,6,19,174,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.10671851754240556,0.0,0.0,0.10686425776971416,0.0,0.0,0.10950714800902517,0.0,0.0,0.17490855605244585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436780650388669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735261222898953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409024878418887,0.0,0.13332834875234909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166767060604436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052744766271228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357363898850489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190146284125936,0.0,0.12301405051799175,0.19371906345045686,0.0,0.0,0.07223052636182424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995205934702946,0.09302063001187263,0.0,0.2398127927936366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796409995514832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330096984722466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24690578847718006,0.0,0.11414228606114547,0.0,0.0972032208448351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342723778933211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183393872447827,0.12234464346039788,0.0,0.0,0.09870068278256952,0.10347804152804607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728923583191522,0.0,0.08039137928232838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964177011292483,0.08317237630235341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087909009650898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631665832787652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348210783281903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696659180231582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225534600339213,0.0,0.0,0.10943788420498864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740479689538846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579709322289416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795959452420965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877211183752311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867940343599876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33433820558111155,0.07768542952480184,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cantcope777,2019/05/13,"I made progress with the FP thing in my life and I feel great I am so happy, I could cry.

I had a FP in my life, who I cut off for my own sake. I felt horrible all this time, going literally crazy over losing him. 

He made an effort to write me today and we had a little talk again after 5 months of not talking. 

I didn't care.

My heart didn't flutter, I didn't feel the need to reply right away, everytime I saw a message pop up.

I didn't try to ""be cool"" or ""the way he likes it"" anymore.

There was simply nothing from my side.

I am just so happy and proud of myself, that I actually overcame this whole FP thing with him. That I am free from this right now.",1.5714685314685326,2.523288804195808,3.5079720279720306,93.06657342657343,77.04195804195804,6.318881118881119,20.69230769230769,6.574015621080383,0.047760839160838835,501,11,122,4,11,170,91,143,0.09300000000000001,0.7140000000000001,0.193,0.9422,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,4,6,10,1,0,7,1,12,3,1,2,1,18,21,6,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,11,5,24,9,17,8,3,18,0,1,1,0,10,10,0,1,7,83,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.1623173819050996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495801470075666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627568288892246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695879632135934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280366672631513,0.0,0.1827094040308114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820630616502613,0.0,0.15970612631065892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945310912049652,0.0,0.0,0.1833831351601871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541299451778612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710585240399625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23497236623054935,0.08126208609428652,0.16670974092665078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608450223939468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147773258530405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276571447034285,0.0,0.0,0.12333409131466587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960136110150042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28409558996027884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673849353944436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100900923908712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699032964541526,0.0,0.15766459238074673,0.0,0.0,0.11292944445593285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202769234387762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570527512002505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PrettyPriority,2019/05/13,"I'm pretty much 99% certain that my boyfriend and I are about to break up. What are the best ways to ease myself emotionally? It has to end. I'm pretty sure we are wanting different things. I don't think he sees me in his future, it's more just him marking time until something better comes along. I need to not care. Thanks in advance you guys, some days I just am so grateful to have this subreddit. You guys are always there for me, even when no one else is.",1.8305200945626483,3.884949617021277,2.7939716312056757,93.63388888888888,79.42553191489361,5.454373522458629,21.08274231678487,6.42735559955562,0.15524728132387675,360,10,78,3,9,114,74,94,0.068,0.7040000000000001,0.228,0.9519,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,3,7,6,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,2,13,18,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,13,6,12,18,4,13,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,6,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058351745663128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514380119407572,0.1813133823986223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090198565035095,0.0,0.0,0.17659669342048992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221354006173114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214190277002282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125831829123309,0.2306069996194565,0.18157670527590347,0.0,0.0,0.1354061986829557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059813464920259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507048560185085,0.1520112252077325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891908364060235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171347479589922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633652535731639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782557998934985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932181106367128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874430801014253,0.0,0.0,0.136198555964006,0.1313611862985968,0.0,0.0,0.11954212080004388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091934088464545,0.1627262264683818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reducedmeat,2019/05/13,"Dae feel like they’ll be in therapy forever? without therapy, i’m a complete wreck and have been hospitalized when i haven’t been able to see her, or when past ones have stopped working as therapists. my only glimmer of hope is seeing my therapist every week and unloading all of the insane emotions and switches my mind has went through. it feels like every day is a new battle and fighting with my therapist makes it manageable, but i don’t know if i’ll ever be in control. i’m working on accepting the crazy intense switches with anything i encounter in life, but it’s not like they’ll ever go away, all i can do is manage. but i can’t without her. i don’t know if i’ll ever be strong enough. my bpd feels so much stronger than me. i wish i was never born at all if this is what my life is. has anyone felt true hope for themselves? i feel so alone with this.",3.5904807692307688,4.7981945340909125,4.708181818181821,85.4207342657343,72.4090909090909,7.688111888111888,29.447552447552447,8.139509932561175,1.9689148601398605,682,28,139,10,13,224,102,176,0.083,0.737,0.18,0.9636,0,1,0,0,3,0,16.0,0,0,2,4,7,10,2,0,4,0,23,2,0,2,8,40,40,16,0,6,10,0,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,8,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,5,7,20,8,18,30,5,20,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,6,15,95,26,4,0.11749320059771358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168752172391333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215397771090596,0.0,0.096686893022428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038872960120658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797857310834814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318938542501592,0.0,0.13177861511996616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757733944155561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216403651996936,0.0,0.12140188412969499,0.0,0.0,0.3188379796599353,0.19798617788752654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23763236999151874,0.16787433196651622,0.11281189796812048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677409353155092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23339451787056026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914238067170736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597784453782366,0.17220372900372774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842762374862856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863463905718415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637102138024784,0.0,0.09061799952701734,0.113475665283746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961643347294213,0.0893588735009514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216055460327884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725373796083195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822957669695093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687274290349031,0.4092559850447711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424595843887723,0.0,0.0,0.1089173740680866,0.0,0.0,0.13511138222110833,0.2265185052431101,0.0,0.17107289874480178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somecleverusernam3,2019/05/13,"DAE take criticisms very poorly? Specifically sex criticisms Ever since i got diagnosed with BPD and started with therapy, i feel like i've gotten better at sorting out my ''real'' emotions from my BPD emotions. One thing i really struggle with though is taking any kind of criticism, even when it's phrased nicely and in a sensitive way. 

To be specific, i react very poorly when my partner tells me what he would prefer when it comes to sex. It makes me feel like shit and i end up ugly crying even before he tells me. Though he always tells me in a way that isn't critical or mean, he's always very nice. I think it may be linked with me being hypersexual and wanting to make him happy in bed, so when i feel like i'm not making him happy enough it makes me feel bad. Does anyone else get like this, and how do you not feel like this? Should i tell him?",4.271686274509804,5.353387247058823,5.344411764705885,81.97818627450984,70.6470588235294,8.254901960784315,24.75490196078432,8.59863814320734,1.5799607843137258,672,18,132,11,12,222,102,170,0.121,0.7140000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.8025,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,11,14,1,1,2,0,9,4,1,6,1,36,29,14,0,4,3,0,5,5,1,3,1,0,1,1,10,11,0,0,9,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,2,5,21,11,15,21,1,16,0,0,0,2,13,6,1,3,12,78,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801103033345266,0.0,0.0,0.06865520568675118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059249324923372,0.10344385923800327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429608585680272,0.0,0.0,0.08590820209825789,0.0,0.0,0.08928954169848377,0.0,0.0,0.2543072584979795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696676225650185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108981129242146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247069811964933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834941694873961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433782741231051,0.22712932753319096,0.08941921761495569,0.1043170632105872,0.0,0.13336420360802692,0.0913226949113604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552381202626601,0.28849893763555984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274662143160472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807456924592885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149442873972576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051326862082812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24661598695329656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695621881881707,0.0,0.0,0.10997334530793637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841205622744465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491281482434608,0.06467656606763837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363239460205836,0.08351387028641331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714589081192862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554368879380813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181637478825571,0.0,0.35296852893679026,0.0,0.11545478227959274,0.0,0.06707230586700366,0.06469009604478031,0.19838232234077527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499038749560125,0.05954790753578024,0.16027223133195376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717179838107789,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Idkidkidk7777777,2019/05/13,"Nothing more comforting than the thought of death. Idk I feel like at this point of life, the only thing comforting is knowing I have death as an option.",2.009482758620692,4.854116758620691,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,88.3103448275862,5.658620689655173,24.49137931034483,7.1686216300943375,1.3144413793103449,122,5,23,2,4,37,24,29,0.376,0.5579999999999999,0.066,-0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202553513915212,0.3111968287672389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393975234552405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076812176151791,0.2128149620020204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179754573230756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312977955588289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117882259381252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893970987204784,0.0,0.0,0.34582230111916706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ulvprinsessa,2019/05/13,"Splitting hard on my social circle; Advice/techniques to break out of it? For some time now I can't stand my social circle. I feel threatened by the people, like I'm being replaced, I'm extremely resentful of everyone and even downright disgusted by many of them whom I normally would either like or just have no problem coexisting with. Trying to interact becomes a painful chore and so I've withdrawn, keeping to myself. I try exposing myself to their company but can only feel distaste. Me splitting back and forth is something I'm used to but it's starting to last far too long with these people, and it also makes me feel isolated and left out which means my discomfort reaching out again just keeps mounting. I realize this is a vicious circle, and I want to break it. What helps you guys? Any advice or techniques to get a more level headed approach to social interaction. Right now the whole thing just gets me angry, anxious and violent.",5.782540659340657,7.570235834285715,6.1125714285714325,75.21496703296704,67.8,8.584615384615384,32.89010989010989,9.057496981413335,3.1639978021978017,761,34,122,14,13,244,115,175,0.198,0.746,0.055999999999999994,-0.9765,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,0,11,9,4,1,5,0,7,2,1,2,0,34,22,13,0,4,8,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,10,12,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,4,17,2,21,20,4,20,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,3,10,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611181259627284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957321698004812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168053597964774,0.0,0.0,0.16891804558310836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497369586383295,0.0,0.0,0.16513603029376545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875830658227792,0.0,0.0,0.14287530904277007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22680944826667385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623883679708014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805094107036754,0.0,0.0,0.1339429338914638,0.0,0.15345338619062734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022188702720806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658052202718753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188092421880765,0.0,0.0,0.16245680731444434,0.0,0.0,0.14609843774395734,0.0,0.0,0.13232284867396407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980753644478993,0.15159250847582198,0.0,0.16287401053615574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650045988716365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371872048804152,0.15910265210405475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732037122236388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307299190329628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276915344475229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572585653439866,0.0,0.1151098484908284,0.0,0.0,0.10583290815909076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933621116896446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871878653288898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303214208852088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291395703370251,0.0,0.0,0.08819233871836005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669367098474908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621660747084387,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DeusOff,2019/05/13,"Writing about stuff is too painful sometimes Shit majorly hit the fan for me yesterday. I tried to write a post about it on here because I really need some support right now, but I got maybe two sentences in and had to stop because it was way, way too painful.

Does this happen to anyone else? I get it all the time. If something happens and I try and write about it, I feel this heavy sense of shame, sadness, anger or fear. It just totally overwhelms me.",3.8200642054574665,5.457576303370789,3.820256821829858,90.31876404494385,72.48314606741573,6.8834670947030485,29.56821829855538,7.447530270364453,1.624311717495987,357,15,73,4,7,109,66,89,0.292,0.6609999999999999,0.048,-0.9814,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,3,3,0,3,3,1,0,2,16,11,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,3,1,8,1,10,7,4,10,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,3,4,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813886009415182,0.18777036475675865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342580754320954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603710686039173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308926728619388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062171732572796,0.09266118896682073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574519375878476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656885616316565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241104199795862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410816257148604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588412708079042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39000070828801603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551133620688406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740032217662524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650207026199647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881125924572616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108162827162948,0.18124770439967336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321261777209624,0.0,0.0,0.20978755728040469,0.0,0.2079599894308563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685971849843408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488414811840156,0.0,0.17901728353579174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909247156792509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yosofun,2019/05/13,"Complete Unknown (movie) and BPD Just saw the movie Complete Unknown and it totally reminds me of BPD. Reviews weren't high probably because people can't understand why people would do something like that to their lives, but makes perfect sense from BPD lens IMHO. Curious what you think. 

​

I often feel dissociated enough that I feel that I have to invent a new personality. I've done the leave everyone thing a few times, though with different variations.",8.766296296296296,9.957306864197534,7.772444444444449,68.19200000000001,60.60493827160494,10.924444444444443,39.65679012345679,10.793553405168565,4.684504197530863,380,19,58,9,5,117,64,81,0.016,0.862,0.122,0.8573,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,2,14,12,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,6,2,5,8,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729045363876974,0.18761078948471616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411974815612054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5833776224889903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237672827696313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131332301843687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800302915583886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953467911287736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475341570520139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613680201589444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313024209294738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348546734871458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075431192427792,0.0,0.1363364950872262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306203958874564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911880468694153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408063025673532,0.13481460798220582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646744175219294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118863326205619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025753454375162,0.0989321727112984,0.15169550964262066,0.0,0.09003086889290042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073403710812406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932041739816084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968009625403202,0.0,0.18761078948471616,0.0
bpd,luna_bby,2019/05/13,"mental breakdown at 4am this is just me venting bc im currently at my boyfriends house and he is sound asleep while im here *TW:Self Harm* scratching my wrists with objects i find around his room just to feel a little pain, bc my mind is racing i feel like the pain is the only thing that would take my mind away from these thoughts, i had such a good day today i spent it with my family and boyfriend laughing and eating and then boom 12am and im hit with this wave of sadness its like i forgot what it was like to even be happy an hour ago ughhhh whilst crying and sniffling i start to think does my bf even love me? how is he sleeping thru this? is he pretending? how am i gonna explain the welts on my arms tmrw? i can already imagine him being devestated bc i didnt wake him up and its making me feel even more shitty/sad i cant take this anymore i feel like i cant hve one fucking easy day",0.6645312500000031,2.707265557291666,2.227958333333337,96.18787500000002,83.53125,4.881666666666667,19.495833333333334,5.985473137389443,-0.22451541666666675,705,19,161,5,20,229,120,192,0.062,0.7859999999999999,0.152,0.948,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,1,0,6,0,16,10,5,3,0,29,33,11,0,1,2,0,5,4,1,2,2,2,1,0,12,11,1,1,9,1,1,0,3,5,0,1,6,7,25,8,15,22,1,18,0,1,0,2,9,8,1,0,14,94,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340177623213928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411733760858028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687168082931716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388437090702545,0.0,0.0,0.12019396933719285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052454034902695,0.16500787857348112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119519609437402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309038084081104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25348866969232176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206005400476388,0.0,0.2587399809334601,0.18278570993414744,0.0,0.0,0.11692523846020142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826875434070573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073011886925472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618332355118695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259847806283898,0.14761345814368276,0.0,0.0,0.4145574139680681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24999955216923506,0.1282189597174339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154613616360634,0.0,0.08539392959848434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892283905082874,0.0,0.2583446375491629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668833492471739,0.09729614373116267,0.27225199933115923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345836100987976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280218815984656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054915320487326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923741145997172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499067029707788,0.08197205319480454,0.0,0.10156172714151712,0.0,0.0,0.12126220043870795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908774409593051,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ametaiyou,2019/05/13,"My FP is a woman- and I'm extremely uncomfortable So I just took this position at a new company. I'm first greeted by my now boss, a very masculine (""stud"") lesbian. 

I didn't think anything of it. I thought ""cool."" I'm very LGBT friendly and my favorite aunts have been together my whole life. But I've never been romantically interested in a woman. My boss is different.

Idk when it happened or how it happened but I am extremely drawn to her. Her posture. Her sarcasm. Her style. Her voice. I feel oddly obsessed for me, a heterosexual woman, lmao.

At first I felt so sad, confused and a bit of shame. My mind raced with thoughts of having to come out as a lesbian (dichotomous thinking will not allow the 'bisexual' label lol) and how my mom would make it difficult for me seeing as she has all these hopes and dreams for my uterus. Then I think about *my* hopes and dreams for my uterus lol

I legit have like planned me and my bosses life out together in my head and it's not healthy. She tells me I'm smart, she appreciates my work, she loves my style but it would kill her to admit it 😏 She's very feminine and has a very nurturing energy despite her mannerisms and masculine appearance. Shes also older than me....by 8 years.

I dont want to create an HR nightmare but I cant help myself. The main points I'm confused on are- am I a lesbian? Or is it okay to just be drawn/attracted to a person without changing how I sexually identify? Should I even go for it? Or just ride these feelings out as long as i can? If she makes a move I wont turn her down...even if it scares me a little....",0.7328738317756986,3.17079876323988,2.905482087227416,88.5251390186916,87.84735202492212,6.3252647975077885,22.97827102803739,7.645422480735847,1.2850042990654202,1237,48,258,25,40,418,172,321,0.147,0.6859999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.9045,1,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,0,4,13,18,1,5,15,4,24,8,1,9,2,60,52,31,1,8,15,2,3,1,1,5,2,1,0,4,13,15,0,0,9,2,0,6,8,8,0,2,7,6,50,10,31,39,4,26,0,1,1,5,26,10,0,10,11,172,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928467416103744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216689276469354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554232668348995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133683635748336,0.1069463475835104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971289195518207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145505753723706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400305247877356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255504241754453,0.0,0.11920582740844682,0.0,0.0,0.21120803120034792,0.0,0.0,0.0959198794865982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055870180578756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195752135378354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741623777995764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321677419585517,0.0,0.0,0.2466228041231775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735629778212546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538510251102252,0.060654618790032935,0.1244333768734261,0.0,0.1098710166579103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205243872233434,0.0,0.1657454568005861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535858861368018,0.14540585588665295,0.0,0.13195441262123164,0.0,0.0,0.09575402777789392,0.11990721559081904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840513574428963,0.0,0.0,0.11736420048447445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429826696807805,0.0,0.0989334333123859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851471873351284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386556421317793,0.0,0.1971263641066357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793794671182746,0.0,0.13504222078871053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097551137936984,0.07322833519326713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861178331841106,0.0,0.1196785371364824,0.0,0.0903844665737224,0.0,0.0,0.1763886851851313,0.0,0.0,0.07995011112789759
bpd,jpegthedog,2019/05/13,"Psych cancelled appointment DAE go into panic mode and freak out when their pysch takes a day off when you are meant to see them. I see my psychotherapist 3 times a week but this week he can't make my Tuesday appointment and I am freaking out and worried how I will cope until my Thursday appointment. I have never posted here and have the feeling this is very much a ""me problem""",7.169189189189191,6.754947135135139,6.773648648648647,79.4493918918919,64.13513513513513,9.562162162162162,33.364864864864856,8.841846274778883,2.629145945945946,304,11,58,4,4,95,56,74,0.212,0.765,0.023,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,7,0,0,2,1,14,14,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,11,0,6,12,1,16,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,10,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542039657569167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753364523477046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545864225647285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156511222162053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999546006884457,0.0,0.20978663469590803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191386676417518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26050511673448823,0.0,0.0,0.2602715662175933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335047311358952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451352847950266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860800813934697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443219456942806,0.0,0.0,0.4363711968434632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762337675670074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gimlet0905,2019/05/13,How did your partner/FP react to your BPD diagnosis? How has your relationship changed since getting diagnosed/receiving treatment?,9.475,13.579648500000005,8.370000000000001,52.86500000000001,64.0,12.0,50.0,11.20814326018867,7.893000000000002,110,8,12,4,2,34,17,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5739535917725938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820831065376733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380908276338431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892643818498731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769698599782456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CoolTempAccount,2019/05/13,"I want to be okay with being alone. All people ever do is hurt and betray me. They never appreciate me and people also get bored quickly. I feel like shit when this happens. It happens every time I try to get close to somebody.

I don’t know why I keep letting this happen. I shouldn’t want to die because of what other people think of me. 

I thought I wasn’t living unless I had certain things in my life that other people did, like friendships or relationships. I’m slowly realizing our true happiness is just being okay with ourselves. 

I don’t want to feel like I can’t survive in the world without anybody.

Fuck it, I’ll just be my own best friend. I’ll love myself. I don’t trust anybody. 

Thoughts? Do you guys have friends? How can you have a significant other if you’re always worried about them leaving? Loneliness is the true answer, I swear. Fuck people, my goal in my future is to be a comfy hermit with cats and a dog, maybe some internet friends of whom never know me as well.",2.4477416756176176,4.700449107142859,3.785198711063373,86.2981471535983,78.33673469387755,5.554887218045113,23.58109559613319,6.5966054737557815,0.7921979591836741,779,26,148,7,19,255,117,196,0.12300000000000001,0.609,0.268,0.9812,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,2,2,3,9,21,3,0,5,2,23,5,1,1,7,36,43,10,1,5,6,0,2,3,3,1,1,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,9,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,5,2,27,16,19,31,4,12,0,1,0,3,12,5,3,3,10,104,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268794233295914,0.0,0.09796812223569576,0.10193492883683518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467861071437254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856264421901092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714204032016754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108138244078612,0.10321671327399036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388557857795113,0.17503683311159302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839438379925908,0.22650991943854065,0.12800881207246675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213003468352928,0.3249953460830125,0.13041007245916006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114536508656538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888909309359053,0.0,0.0,0.13465235017451108,0.0,0.0,0.12971632216164175,0.0,0.12527083629918964,0.08652971521692683,0.17955094755541026,0.0,0.10817517303480843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056658146203008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307389153650425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896858708906894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246516900446738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152575622587645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575080038478034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138764117934401,0.07849699300915182,0.0,0.19451239476652132,0.07143432002364966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831736329266039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677190021375406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101477393818521,0.0,0.11054274389029556,0.0,0.0,0.11809155495800895,0.0,0.0,0.12441093980818275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boyworst,2019/05/13,"Am I the only one who feels so hopelessly stuck? (This is my first real reddit post so sorry if its a mess)

I just turned 21 less than a month ago but I feel like a trapped child. I don’t even have my license yet because my parents refuse to help me learn how to drive/ assist with me getting it. I have zero dollars in my bank account due to me getting fired (for actual unjustified reasons) and having no hope or will power for my future to land another job. And I’m just now going back to school due to me being placed on a years academic suspension.

The thing is, two years ago I had everything together. My grades were amazing (for me at least) I had a steady retail job working as a manager and I felt somewhat hopeful for my future. But at the same time I was battling a very bad ED and was starting to experience symptoms of BPD.. Eventually (two psych wards later) I was diagnosed with bpd. Pre and post my diagnosis I had a lot of breakdowns and extremely self destructive behaviors. I’m certain that I am where I am today because of such.

The thing I want to do the most is leave my state/ country and live elsewhere.. I hate it here but Im aware in order to do that I must succeed where I reside first. But I know once I start to succeed again I’ll just end back up In that ditch trying to kill myself yet another time (because that has happened before) I feel like I’m trapped in this incredibly draining cycle of being happy and hopeful just for the final result to be the complete opposite overtime. No matter how much I climb I can never really get to the top.. it’s all a scam

But I am still trying, I’m back in school and have been to a few somewhat promising interviews.. even though I start to think whats the point in trying when soon, I’ll slip and fall back to where I came from. And be ultimately, stuck",2.8719240883590444,4.635012589673913,4.334786115007013,85.12781556802244,75.27717391304347,7.139691444600282,26.001402524544183,7.941651935203635,1.5490921107994389,1435,52,287,22,31,477,201,368,0.156,0.722,0.122,-0.943,4,2,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,0,8,27,18,4,0,19,0,30,2,0,4,4,52,57,25,1,6,11,1,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,14,14,0,1,8,0,4,5,4,7,0,6,12,5,40,11,40,39,10,58,0,1,0,0,7,17,0,9,34,207,54,13,0.0,0.0,0.09084598900987062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650438357657696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523365139538001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863331310369891,0.07772932251364585,0.17024710403206952,0.0,0.07921585302082056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344964266422738,0.0,0.0,0.10647435337069604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760693753031724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448811129701927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245335633635315,0.0,0.0,0.12297497669860423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366658420978829,0.09106346853840948,0.0,0.0,0.14121286391428806,0.13301226706073055,0.08938451831430942,0.10197956062697452,0.0,0.15837084934002987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459127944229994,0.0,0.052907275683624994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232242132170431,0.0990999384357472,0.0,0.0919107218494575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062398721932281125,0.0,0.0,0.2773890467159217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005571341410156,0.0,0.18476219766382967,0.0,0.10299434836037348,0.0,0.05116184417695807,0.0,0.0,0.09857275053931093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090961725646325,0.0,0.0822034125575921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914490569957358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430647596763297,0.0,0.06843455594169716,0.0,0.07179957419577941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914171595044168,0.06308267730672558,0.07080192788928151,0.0,0.0,0.10336949910553896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726306690396284,0.0,0.08800360482129785,0.0,0.1783159969601524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596097260797832,0.05963818618442869,0.09571579328834504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884315198783415,0.0,0.0,0.09711699652302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421073730067934,0.197676527654412,0.0,0.07434472185336899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675996381329303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369459012193268,0.05965066216058083,0.09146405409870977,0.0,0.1085673304684358,0.0,0.08824191013037189,0.0,0.0,0.18961346498182072,0.10125917599593956,0.18187796911964327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681202393692607,0.054909056130129835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777329752601935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989853730651184
bpd,Locator1,2019/05/13,"Severe help needed. Any thoughts would help. Hello all! New to the group. I am very confused if I have BPD or not. 

5 years ago it started with an Anxiety attack. Then morphed into GAD then severe depression and now pure OCD...

I currently suffer with intrusive thoughts on if I am a socio or psycho. Or maybe I have a personality disorder etc etc. In the last two days I have wasted so much time endlessly researching and taking tests on the internet. And I can never be satisfied with the answers.

Help!!! Thoughts!!!

I looked into the usual tests and here are my answers.

I fear that my family, partner or friends abandon or betray me, even when no real threat exists. - my answer to this was Rarely

I cannot stand being alone - my answer was sometimes.

I get desperate and/or furious when my close ones leave me even for a short period of time. - my answer was rarely.

My relationships with close ones are very emotional and troublesome. - my answer was I partly agree.

In my relationship with close ones, at first I idealize them and later, when something goes wrong, I hate them. These extremes in my attitude to people interchange frequently. - my answer was rarely/sometimes I guess depending on the person?

People find me too demanding in relationships. - my answer was sometimes.

I've attempted to completely change the life I lead. - my answer was yes...it has been hard but yes, and ive failed alot, but keep trying. Zoloft, family support and OCD therapist only recently.

I have doubts about who I am and what the meaning of my life is. - my answer was 100% yes

I think I'm a bad evil person. - my answer was alot of the time yes.

When I'm driving a car, I cannot resist the urge to speed up and enjoy reckless driving. - my answer was No.

At times I resort to binge eating. - my answer was No.

At times I spend money recklessly. - my answer was maybe??? Not lately....in the past for about 2yrs I had a gambling addiction.

I can't control myself when I'm gambling. - lol for sure...thays why I don't gambke anymore.

I engage in unsafe and inappropriate sexual contacts. - this one is tricky....i have in the past but not right now at all especially on the past 2yrs....im pretty much a virgin again. I was molested when I was younger like 7 and unfortunately coerced a friend of mine into a sexual act at the same age....trust me I have guilt and shame about this daily....it haunts me.

I'm thinking of fantasizing about committing suicide. - I answered sometimes/rarely when I'm really low and panicky.

When I have quarrels with my close ones I threat to kill myself. - I answered no.

When I'm very upset or angry, I hurt myself to calm down. - I answered no.

I have times when I feel very irritable for several hours - I answered sometimes especially certain people and when my intrusive thoughts are in full effect.

I feel anxious for several hours. - my answer 100% yes.

I seek out new activities or experiences to occupy myself because I get bored easily. - I said sometimes.

I get desperate because I feel empty. - not sure aboit desperate, but I definitely feel like I don't know who I am....and that frightens me, especially with the OCD part, my mind fights morally with me all the time.

I get angry easily. - internally I do, but not outwardly and only sometimes, its more or less irritable when I have an intrusive feeling or thought/urge.

I feel that everyone and everything is against me. - I mean not really, more like I feel like a freak and people can easily read that from me, so I internalize it that I am broken and cant form real connections, and then I ruminate and go down a dark hole. But its more at me not them.

I have the feeling that I'm not real. - hmmm well I defiantly feel DP/DR like I'm not 100% present in the moment, more like I'm focused so intently on my thoughts and rumination. Like am I listening to what they are saying, can they tell im not listening. Am I feeling true empathy for this person or am I faking it? Do I jave enough empathy etc etc etc

Please help any thoughts will help!",2.033671174035298,4.7672861314060455,3.8204756051036415,82.24615093326554,84.53219448094612,7.1101747841691045,23.688708970935245,8.190432764681523,1.9068822319246048,3130,118,571,73,93,1046,312,761,0.22,0.647,0.133,-0.9973,1,1,1,0,1,4,156.0,0,0,5,7,27,44,9,6,33,5,57,6,0,5,9,136,103,58,2,5,28,0,11,7,3,2,4,4,0,5,20,38,1,3,42,1,4,6,22,26,1,7,23,16,107,18,61,76,23,90,1,6,1,1,31,35,0,18,55,387,127,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693718305183418,0.0,0.0,0.04629774640217605,0.0,0.0,0.05409336312426559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103485204672406,0.0,0.03995494643957049,0.05900376242322136,0.05179700971023087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941788534936456,0.0,0.0,0.043608929046668514,0.06367647489214412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578043973910211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525122447775365,0.0,0.054760981770746175,0.0,0.058579124455094764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0336833036059226,0.0,0.044984653529747454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985881567941831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344317810641233,0.0,0.05875045459191468,0.0,0.0539663895620868,0.29124500867816033,0.06899335874725619,0.0,0.0,0.0499069283083568,0.04693994513770835,0.05108986171258427,0.09847347025078827,0.05877200489789696,0.2640848851617503,0.07462463751140512,0.0,0.0,0.04773624556958359,0.0444258544175368,0.0,0.0,0.0807037985743464,0.0,0.10914972613887773,0.0,0.029682873293211644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057535994178588026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678681322838773,0.051565201112584336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750395699685877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286984239341908,0.0,0.05591209094057609,0.0,0.11283229510001275,0.0,0.0,0.04642342389658245,0.05778351186666888,0.0,0.02870362381221051,0.04257350404276941,0.0,0.05530283740025023,0.0,0.0,0.07378159804698392,0.17861473109351436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385910084507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049418500067838,0.11378511264936865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052736274999471415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678846535367183,0.038727049043461526,0.04028212822947315,0.10088594592119186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769581870638286,0.07944482596381751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311756397684147,0.14957511310336516,0.14483570286254452,0.18241695645070496,0.0,0.0573316207437441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313554252281006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224300890316039,0.17834368241275084,0.06691830947921047,0.0,0.0515697131515476,0.16822279700716425,0.0,0.044603173900039775,0.04968162044349962,0.04153449773567335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601504969288545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020833966838786,0.3099341573483861,0.0,0.0369678665652407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057129912191000935,0.05926870844140735,0.09845019322076116,0.0,0.03926961405722967,0.0,0.045650338855173736,0.0,0.0,0.06064174944749867,0.0,0.0669323084165796,0.0,0.29024724925098994,0.2131855392954918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03545997775049667,0.0,0.05102002174982466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057522727003267236,0.17237716699297642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696003108574882,0.0,0.04712843603077642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037101894300137134,0.05710407581676843,0.0,0.033633683126989125
bpd,creggz,2019/05/13,"Does anyone have BPD that hasn't gone through trauma? Interested to hear thoughts. 

​

I got diagnosed and I definitely, DEFINITELY have it. I've been very unwell. However when I got diagnosed the very black and white psychiatrist listed off some 'types' of traumas, and asked 'so, which one did you go through?'   
I kind of stared at them blankly and realised I didn't know. 

​

Right after I was diagnosed I went through a freak out stage, wondering if my mind had repressed a memory that I didn't know about.   


My mental health growing up was never good, so I had a predisposition to anxiety and depression and things but... has anyone else had this problem? I go to a support group and a lot of people work through symptoms that stem back to their trauma but I don't really have a 'trauma' to work through?   


All I've figured out so far is that I've had smaller events that have deteriorated my mental health over the years rather than a trauma or abuse.... but in therapy I just jump back and forth between these issues.   


Has anyone else had a similar experience?",4.931699999999998,6.939177370000002,5.392,78.66850000000002,70.3,8.6,30.0,9.188382445141503,2.6919999999999997,854,35,155,18,16,273,115,200,0.07,0.8420000000000001,0.087,0.5008,1,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,1,2,2,9,13,0,1,10,0,20,6,0,0,2,29,33,17,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,10,10,0,1,5,0,0,6,5,9,0,1,16,4,18,4,24,17,3,23,0,1,3,0,6,9,0,5,7,108,28,3,0.0,0.13115517870582258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987543239188705,0.26901247662466765,0.0,0.0,0.08468118134319813,0.0,0.0,0.2322010305284605,0.22683970689915725,0.0,0.0,0.10348464926355687,0.0,0.0,0.1702348611037777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394161635232592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534122662321436,0.3370585257322901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686972234501087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494252043229845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082807068963442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582075563191011,0.09284550505694253,0.17706540867440326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353266874666462,0.1247610291510266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553656038974815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527154874480065,0.12166988019493225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410871861068702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310854615687034,0.0,0.11177014273687537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853746158976617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500962791467948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674180240500741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591992682050147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091389183514311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094532712319463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125615091365341,0.0,0.11505423029816708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658909463224682,0.0,0.0735406737335461,0.0,0.0,0.08787926737632211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266952453103952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261514295371796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004373527254895,0.1611741938364301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26901247662466765,0.07128379021666001
bpd,itmebpd,2019/05/13,"I’m receiving my first ketamine treatment Tuesday. It’s been a long road, but I have scheduled Ketamine infusions for this Tuesday, Thursday, and next Tuesday and Thursday. 
Very very nervous and equally as excited. 
Just wanted to post here and I’ll try and update once I’ve started. 

Have anyone else had experiences with ketamine incurious? What were your experiences??",5.573333333333334,9.004341888888893,5.5263492063492095,71.47142857142859,74.55555555555556,7.409523809523812,39.15873015873015,8.418075326091056,4.256149206349207,301,19,41,6,7,94,48,63,0.065,0.885,0.05,-0.2375,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,1,4,5,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818392268060817,0.26646107136724273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724583764189084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087750035019898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120596415016072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23014393945007694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765755862795067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769542369155635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906453552116944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407102515760604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765629197205831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42915164966532104,0.1533894747986375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boysinmoonlight,2019/05/13,DAE just feel so empty? i hate how it can just spring out of nowhere sometimes. i’m doing a mundane task like brushing my teeth (as i just did) and suddenly you feel completely numb? it wasn’t brought on by anything and it’s just so weird how it comes from nothing - then you start feeling suicidal and/or wanting to self-harm? it’s so frustrating how i can recognize this in myself and still tell myself it would be “ok” to self-harm bc i’m feeling nothing therefore i should feel SOMETHING.,2.117073863636364,4.75712996875,2.6865530303030307,91.34556818181822,82.64583333333334,5.5742424242424224,27.47727272727273,6.980632752743323,1.4351375000000006,391,18,76,5,11,121,65,96,0.19699999999999998,0.727,0.076,-0.9367,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,11,6,2,0,1,1,8,2,1,4,0,21,20,11,1,3,4,0,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,6,9,2,9,14,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910068865187847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701136381652208,0.21545226306051332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5195093687908472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028787453334479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039199127778722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943462252011111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287415876771448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581961735406252,0.203234777272673,0.0,0.14544681732231235,0.0,0.16410450911788474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477261130068013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960724037056372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212032741225866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459741376489858,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RJDeep,2019/05/13,"Is it bad to want attention? Just sometimes, I'd enjoy it if I could talk about my problems, let it all out, without anyone trying to share their own experiences. I want it to be about me, but I feel that thinking like that is horrible.

Mothers day is really fucking hard on me. Mom died, she was horrible towards me, I have a lot of conflicted feelings on this day. I want to open up to someone about it but my friends always turn the conversation around to them, or, it feels that way. I'm not even 100% sure at this point. I can't talk to strangers in detail like I can with my friends but it feels like they're not even listening.",3.147656249999997,4.5802397031250015,4.152000000000001,88.09300000000002,73.84375,7.620000000000001,27.64375,8.238735603445708,1.691800625,494,19,106,8,10,160,83,128,0.158,0.669,0.172,-0.2264,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,7,11,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,2,28,22,5,1,6,9,2,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,6,16,8,21,18,3,13,0,0,0,1,12,10,1,3,5,74,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713069867347147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523526641265143,0.0,0.0,0.14671110869464876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376050265990264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158312927830246,0.0,0.0,0.2125707734613652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710412418866076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770387792400134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612106037361587,0.0,0.0,0.3333207986666631,0.11773649862749933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254655378892268,0.15235927401684932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763262523338233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685239544593701,0.0,0.2415457308570745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011104820906325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301725316045504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557936952315384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769582449040415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557810014084834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396384732875347,0.0,0.16299604575716906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532646355892413,0.0,0.0,0.26492752337617503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056001864909508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189156184817484,0.17926017049576887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916182163296544,0.13081428651968086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158865833562799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,haroldharry,2019/05/13,"what does dating look like after/during intense bpd professional help (“”healing””)? I have had a lot of trauma and esp, recent trauma that has me with vague near constant dissociative state. I am starting to find my way out and thinking of dating again and feel ready to and my therapist is with me! BUT (and i struggled with this before the recent trauma) i dont know how to conceptualize dating without my bpd! If i am not obsessing about them does that mean i dont like them? Or is that healthy? If i am not trying to co-opt their identity does that mean im not attracted to them or that i am having healthy boundaries??? If i dont like them is that bc i actually dont like them or am i running from my feelings and fears of abandonment? If i am not full fledge bpd crapshit then I don’t think its “”real”” but that crapshit also has had be on the brink of death and destroyed me (and others) twenty times over. But I don’t know how to let it leave. 

??? How to date in healing from bpd?????",3.83076094759512,4.780220105527639,4.955581478822683,84.85071608040201,71.56281407035176,7.494759511844939,26.77709978463747,7.7094869923839395,1.3934376166547024,767,25,159,9,14,253,102,199,0.126,0.7879999999999999,0.086,-0.8999,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,6,0,6,13,1,3,3,0,23,2,0,3,0,42,33,23,1,4,15,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,12,0,1,9,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,2,3,27,5,23,29,2,21,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,8,15,118,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.1040377149259887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525739914570074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071876946932353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370952014958232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520945586419107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798900521659637,0.0,0.4997928321987216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199678883956498,0.10781223504320683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744123228173317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145962650515425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515901328787005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718208844623595,0.0,0.0,0.1128864777834624,0.0,0.1090177646355283,0.0,0.2083405153075087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952704139421297,0.0,0.0,0.09063751990329308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322629578337621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213475419401463,0.0,0.0,0.2105325350975704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546036413133776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145377669150018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378448961326492,0.0,0.1366250431669511,0.0,0.0,0.06216618422373878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238239805965906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462346581242472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276994809157393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skepticorange,2019/05/13,"DAE feel like their limbs aren't theirs? It first started as some weird weed-induced form of Alice in wonderland syndrome where my arms and hands felt gigantic. I couldn't even look at them because they looks so grossly out of proportion that it made me anxious and nauseous.

​

Now, sober, lately I'll derealized as per usual but even when I'm somewhat grounded, I feel that my arms-- my hands especially-- aren't mine. In the sense that they just feel wrong/off in some way, they don't feel entirely attached to me in some way. I have a lot of anxiety on a daily basis, so when this starts up it basically triples and leaves me unable to do anything but just stare and wonder why I can feel my hands but I can't feel *my* hands. 

​

In fact, I'm only writing this because this is the sixth time I've resurfaced from this feeling in five hours and I don't really know how to make it stop. My hands always look somewhat off to me nowadays, even while I'm typing I'm trying not to look at them because they look entirely foreign and gross, like some",6.361857142857144,6.279891899999999,6.1816666666666675,81.91250000000002,65.71428571428571,8.904761904761905,32.26190476190476,8.344100000000001,2.286619047619048,849,31,167,10,12,266,118,210,0.07,0.895,0.035,-0.723,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,8,1,12,4,0,0,4,0,10,7,7,3,1,37,33,17,0,1,6,0,13,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,10,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,2,19,25,2,23,30,9,28,0,0,6,0,9,14,0,8,14,107,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456823648189204,0.24628552874221485,0.276201190689338,0.0,0.0,0.08694408307538835,0.1283953172016862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352657287391794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784508113446395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251998131311723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022639039306169,0.081193585043035,0.10912451384608014,0.0,0.0,0.0966730160185631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192511716331163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246060815193408,0.0,0.128205311947851,0.12034190801642675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105003726542068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771986508920714,0.0,0.0,0.09662354869430667,0.0,0.10754103003746092,0.0758641284103818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643807793554098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280889573240494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088807760657886,0.0,0.0,0.09501883219259523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627186329558235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716279274841514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517250555845608,0.0,0.0,0.18042460955092265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025539769818047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232516165535847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426149836705327,0.276201190689338,0.0
bpd,ConyThePony,2019/05/13,"Aaaand there goes my one friend.... Over the past few months I've slowly been shutting everybody out through fights and such, and I think I finally lost my one remaining actual friend. It sucks so much and I absolutely hate myself for doing it, but I can't seem to control myself or snap out of it. Its just one little thing that sets me off and I turn it into a giant fight and I end up losing them one by one. How can I control myself? How do I not lose every single person who actually cares about me?",2.430196078431376,4.3009192745098055,3.984901960784317,86.6787254901961,76.84313725490195,6.886274509803924,20.15686274509804,7.793537801064563,0.7058156862745104,394,9,81,6,9,131,75,102,0.141,0.774,0.085,-0.6019,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,5,7,10,4,0,2,0,5,0,0,4,0,18,12,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,5,2,0,16,3,12,10,3,14,0,3,0,0,7,9,1,2,4,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.30731156472265625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053839004059334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532038948192242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946058724511384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266471401028354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248696771081126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24330250962539066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545665831915104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578137557955157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35230927755635755,0.1718834344854229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568105453812958,0.0,0.11574936162155752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334863014127651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031097684134062,0.0,0.1374857939982708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334337180751347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046077500294718,0.1008923923064941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126851805453938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FifiLaPew,2019/05/13,"Think I’m breaking down... I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin that I want to get a knife and peel it off
I can’t sleep
I feel angry just by existing 
I keep stopping and starting my meds because I don’t see the point in trying anymore
I feel inferior to everyone around me
I can’t relate to my friends, I’m questioning if we were ever really friends
I feel everything and nothing at the same time 
“I’m so tired I can’t sleep”",-0.0922893772893758,2.201636978021977,2.5389285714285745,90.36648809523814,91.30769230769228,6.110256410256411,22.96794871794872,7.492282038375204,1.2176586080586078,339,14,74,7,12,117,58,91,0.184,0.731,0.086,-0.8228,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,5,4,3,0,1,18,18,6,0,2,2,0,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,15,2,10,17,2,12,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,2,4,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576929068112844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572922788127066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033415048907245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856100019813098,0.0,0.1886256370716925,0.1774117814064693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39924861251217336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050238901928696,0.0,0.10313416056152616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545956452054007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192686170910668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941210774913664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660826719528995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221134909468286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264604853988093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730347484067198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39508821493288815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972183058363502,0.0,0.0,0.16503653187196465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648694022751827,0.0,0.0,0.1151064291847632,0.2268840386811941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402269224843225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643254658237225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FloraDecora,2019/05/13,"I haven't been feeling like myself lately, and I'm not really sure what to do besides try to detach from everyone and sleep on bad days It feels like I get so stressed out that I'm not even in control of my brain anymore. It's starting to scare me. I don't want to complain about it to my partner, or worry them.

I've already taken DBT classes, and I can take them again but that didn't help with my worst symptoms last time.

What do you do when your brain feels like it's on fire?",4.484304207119742,4.111233368932041,5.0816990291262165,89.20500809061492,69.67961165048544,7.64336569579288,28.81715210355987,6.42735559955562,1.1517715210355997,379,12,86,2,6,122,70,103,0.273,0.713,0.013999999999999999,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,1,5,9,0,2,0,0,8,4,3,1,1,15,18,7,0,1,4,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,4,13,4,13,15,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,10,54,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646553603703398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656241901377875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486513998810862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974908403320562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968086913437832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481754638555025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759013101768795,0.0,0.0,0.17011962730987995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700588300945381,0.3815637212674145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301569622254276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933279573349975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451219076494204,0.2008307096640024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26093604219730043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405348169769294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824362750735498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816310900877902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601375992653607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393795786505525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779544190557902,0.18504604965216495,0.1338598133457974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381336883936072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087376249764124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500938122109574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808027118853019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Astra_Nobara,2019/05/13,"borderline bored to death For the ones that have some extra time, I spend most time in bed because of chronic illness, so if someone wants to chat with me, just DM or say something here if you feel shy. It’s been like two weeks since I found this community and I’ve lived for years without anyone to talk about it that may understand. 

I’d love to hear stories, maybe listen if you need to get something put of your chest, maybe you are just... bored. I’m always on unless I’m at the doctors office or sleeping and I also have lots pf stories, so if anyone is interested just let me know. I just want some human interaction, I feel in quarantine lol thanks in advance",3.3386363636363647,5.163904681818185,4.108181818181818,86.98227272727274,74.15151515151516,6.618181818181819,25.63636363636364,7.348242739294969,1.178445454545454,526,18,105,6,11,168,91,132,0.091,0.792,0.11699999999999999,0.5574,0,1,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,1,7,6,2,0,0,28,22,12,1,7,12,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,1,1,5,3,0,0,5,1,1,2,1,2,0,2,2,5,11,4,18,18,5,11,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,11,5,66,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112067227747285,0.14683475969256815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467797920595601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757270332696084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806215494906282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845413115445105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193487061488454,0.0,0.0,0.0921967738324432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889124153081675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969817005099492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044956085584332,0.0,0.08621290901856389,0.0,0.1558236780906868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002601381795191,0.1592684431554659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545698318408297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084811508606026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195786707133976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739817121705653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033371697543953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597540471198664,0.0,0.17659453762800945,0.0,0.14951999710753902,0.2717059825779258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183756666884606,0.0,0.16246719216031724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579876464649646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238271034083538,0.1837084695519614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816972971019515,0.0,0.14155125944018998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701079825320385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363902360929776
bpd,krt18,2019/05/13,Does anybody here get disability for their disorder? I want to apply for disability because going to work just sets me off on a full on bawling panic attack. But I don't know if I can apply since I'm working. I'm in the United States,2.8212499999999987,4.518011958333336,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,75.25,7.300000000000002,26.583333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.8478583333333327,186,7,35,3,4,66,38,48,0.185,0.732,0.083,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,2,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,22,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37564392168946653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128350754325255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784315132942391,0.0,0.2889554394096864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725130023437371,0.0,0.18765714843792908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146626646370928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874121111823682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731403094534895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475727607701232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807710693712571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lifeisawhirlofchaos,2019/05/13,"Motivation- different state of mind Hi :) 

I was wondering if this has anything to do with BPD. 

I find myself struggling to find motivation. I need to plan ahead and set certain rules and remind myself of the 'feeling' of being motivated in the hopes of generating it (which rarely works).
 It is as if my different states of mind and moods effect my motivation, my will to study, my sense of panic at an upcoming deadline, and even effects my realisation that the deadline is very near and that it is important to get things done. Also, it is as if my mind is a roulette with different moods and sense of priorities and according to the landing of the spin, I get the resulting attitude. 

I should add that i also suffer from severe anxiety, which is quite under control now but I know that it effects procrastination. But i cant help but think that this is bpd related. The switching of mind sets and inner attitude is too intense for it to be anxiety.

TIA 💜",4.832904761904763,6.658668988888887,6.206507936507936,73.465,70.22222222222221,9.80952380952381,31.74603174603175,10.125756701596842,3.5296031746031744,758,34,135,21,14,256,100,180,0.076,0.812,0.111,0.677,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,12,5,7,0,2,9,0,17,0,0,9,1,40,25,18,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,11,0,1,13,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,16,2,27,19,0,12,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,5,2,104,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213935854217242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046522656581642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007318934684857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33693240082196696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002335891174814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192525973103933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688305284187874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834730390858889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763314043752887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445086698991156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976829367093505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965659515544908,0.0,0.0,0.13285398958948505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351106895679349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402383996352991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918144103867356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569386915530079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422703624150202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511108728493907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983512962602615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888642863672505,0.08570808988507354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036611520116572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505715444633055,0.09737896723645252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wesen24,2019/03/15,"Growing up, were your emotions invalidated? I just pulled up a book I had on DBT for BPD in response to a message on here. Looking through it I find the theory it talks about on the invalidating environment in the development of BPD to be extremely accurate for my experience at least. My family are incapable of empathy for reasons including psychological issues and alcohol abuse. And anytime I try to talk to them about struggles I'm going through, they tell me the worst advice, side with the other person, tell me I am overreacting, etc. Recently I was sexually assaulted and my family told me I was exaggerating, that it was all my fault, I should get over it, etc. It's so ridiculous, but for a long time I thought that I was the problem. It's been so helpful to realize I am better off without these people who caused me to have issues.

If anyone is interested, this is what I am referring to in the book:

""The role of invalidation in the development of emotion dysregulation makes a lot of sense, once you realize that a primary function of emotions in humans (as well as other mammals) is to serve as a rapid communication system. Invalidation of emotions sends the message that the communication was not received. When the message is important, the sender understandably escalates the communication by escalating the emotion. When the receiver does not “get” the communication or disbelieves it, he or she understandably increases efforts to stop the communication, usually by some means of invalidation.""

""In theory, a child with low biological vulnerability may be at risk for BPD and/or high emotion dysregulation if there is an extreme discrepancy between child and caregiver characteristics, or if the family’s resources are extremely taxed (e.g., by a family member’s alcoholism or a sibling with can- cer). Such situations have the potential to perpetuate invalidation, because the demands of the child often exceed the ability of the environment to meet those demands.""

Source: [http://neoraihianstvo.org/forum/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Marsha-M.-Linehan-PhD-ABPP-DBTВ®-Skills-Training-Manual-Second-Edition.pdf](http://neoraihianstvo.org/forum/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Marsha-M.-Linehan-PhD-ABPP-DBTВ®-Skills-Training-Manual-Second-Edition.pdf)",15.81843992248062,15.094400165697675,14.415627906976745,32.55650387596901,47.343023255813954,16.38263565891473,48.80542635658914,14.743456460863426,7.549685891472868,1883,89,237,62,15,614,186,344,0.086,0.852,0.061,-0.5784,0,0,2,0,1,0,96.0,0,2,2,2,12,11,2,2,34,0,25,2,0,3,1,38,36,19,0,5,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,18,7,2,1,9,2,1,7,3,8,1,0,10,1,25,3,56,22,8,33,0,1,1,0,26,18,0,11,7,189,43,4,0.0,0.1055381642756811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704211469139911,0.0,0.1903861054660012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228263534008456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429870410331802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877874415988709,0.0,0.0,0.33655688125602945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915035690386394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794928702829412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011777923118723,0.0,0.0,0.19868218615518554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713149678935188,0.33588428582023216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141205296230765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307501228062336,0.0,0.05062282598445862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059704447095697825,0.0941116069606862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594029775385554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882771670485478,0.07479975432238793,0.0,0.0,0.07572755801572939,0.0,0.0,0.05945760907297791,0.0,0.0,0.09702773549534252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094860938680182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061752719404224124,0.07777601035957063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523182040660006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158294175974696,0.08794986216972048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012294577794184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446988052795032,0.0,0.09311951992379124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318866822334606,0.15570926285802228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071483298110168,0.05193978528365113,0.0,0.0,0.08511405625110366,0.0,0.06047542181459556,0.0,0.0,0.1854584206024188,0.0,0.0,0.09810246368244516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008825353246034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586418973822124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PenguinPlates,2019/03/15,"I can't talk to anyone, feel like I can't say anything and sometimes it's difficult Ha, I was really calm and mild trying to express that even when inside I sometimes want to scream it. Proud of myself for showing constraint. :)

Sure, I can have normal conversations and social interactions, but there's so much else that is actually serious that I can't say a word about. Not for lack of attempting, but the people that are all supposed to attempt to keep you safe end up doing the opposite because they don't understand. 

So yeah... lots that I'm thinking about and nothing that I will say. Going to be a fun night. :/",3.2940488922841884,5.576567495798322,4.4946371275783035,82.10664629488161,75.72268907563027,7.35248281130634,26.784568372803673,8.296473431620573,1.9949764705882358,488,19,90,9,11,160,82,119,0.067,0.746,0.187,0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,3,7,10,0,0,4,2,12,0,0,0,2,19,19,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,8,4,0,2,3,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,5,10,7,13,16,4,5,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,4,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.19166579480777474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733298227679885,0.0,0.16162698065056866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972844320983407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407361213869978,0.0,0.17395911750224555,0.0,0.0,0.12972557681024646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930974423197853,0.14031385514779826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162314545240128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745763810268257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595498729831298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697898741844247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438241797838058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431552506579285,0.19243805730908595,0.1884586935107575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616451958362058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258239409413069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685743765009888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021313714762504,0.0,0.0,0.3885049040976576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511213737874985,0.0,0.0,0.1578652438836294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258502626084632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334808308762405,0.0,0.0,0.204467568292531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584647819930248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brukva,2019/03/15,"Ashamed of being unemployed Here's your typical no carrier & no job sufferer. I've been unemployed for two months, started antidepressants in January and have been feeling much better than while working. My previous ADs gave me terrible side effects, so I had to quit them and managed to see a doctor only after I stopped working.

I'm super demotivated to get a new job because being a perfectionist I end up doing lots of work beyond my responsibilities, set unrealistic goals, feel exhausted, and just lay and cry after work unable to care for myself. Also low self-esteem, hectic experience, jobless gaps, and no education make only low-paid high-stress jobs available to me. Anyway my boyfriend makes 4 times more than I did, with tax deduction for mortgage even 5 times more.

So I decided to spend the time on CBT and probably group therapy. In my country therapy is unavailable on insurance and quite expensive, so my boyfriend offered me money he receives from renting out his second apartment.

I realize I'll have to own up to this situation to the therapist or the group, and it makes me horrendously self-conscious. I see myself as a jobless abuser like my alcoholic father, I am not only unable to provide for myself, but also feel like exploiting a hard-working person. This makes me numb and reluctant to start seeking help.

Has anyone else overcome self-consciousness before a possible therapist or fellows?

(sorry for possible mistakes, English is not my native tongue) ",10.237419260129183,9.684182301526716,10.285267175572518,57.2185408103347,58.04580152671756,13.40504991192014,44.19964768056371,12.502718667466526,6.051669641808572,1201,63,172,35,13,400,169,262,0.131,0.8009999999999999,0.068,-0.9118,11,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,1,1,10,10,12,0,1,9,0,13,4,0,5,0,30,28,19,0,1,6,1,3,2,1,0,4,0,1,1,3,11,1,1,6,0,5,2,5,7,0,2,5,5,26,5,33,21,5,26,0,2,2,0,13,11,0,3,14,118,29,13,0.0,0.1158547906088084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449841787077896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639125879599142,0.0,0.10594594230355653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837092274072243,0.10018844472589104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960654174149891,0.0,0.08320464086339828,0.0,0.0,0.08647956852108798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969450000674952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740811043553404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008325156990837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168368641930715,0.0,0.08660516349101108,0.0,0.0,0.06458359268505763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956488241504168,0.0,0.0,0.14832341228708468,0.06985494373396238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051086666765003765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759279279744381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554070998068921,0.1033112579995973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910984048428526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554195815739308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831301211030288,0.0,0.0,0.2610789716317827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804805996454563,0.0,0.0718804687778652,0.0,0.0,0.0944377394770642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231011378839357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537881491911535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046733240803484,0.0,0.0,0.10542472445786473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080047886209221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583799114491276,0.0,0.3060215036240209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991022060929878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945810264687787,0.13842014246219114,0.0,0.0,0.08174950241404493,0.11200809021803017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364275961794716,0.2270631328660936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105109766506885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551807197977584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559295687504968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsnouse-itried,2019/03/15,"I dont know what to do Throwaway account because anonymity. 
My partner has BPD. I know that being with someone with BPD is hard and comes with plenty of challenges. I've read every article I could. Did every ounce of research I could but no matter what I do, it never helps. It never works. I just want to help them. What do I do? I don't want to leave them. I love them so much. I need help. ",-0.3561419068736136,1.8852316341463435,1.5636141906873604,97.12961197339249,92.41463414634146,3.4696230598669624,18.43015521064301,4.851557810540192,-0.6010390243902437,302,9,66,1,11,99,50,82,0.113,0.6920000000000001,0.196,0.8393,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0,2,17,19,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,14,2,8,15,1,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,2,48,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257676683718357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651858784268168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908200942895373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29489749486350275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643887995115235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111949660764139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543340920767186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713532614174092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298618419205935,0.0,0.0,0.195545203844528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667728740754206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357580986470713,0.1369349034425212,0.2848670103096049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472596173471856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647536346381904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178533624177375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444631713564786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princessmudkip,2019/03/15,"When FP says they love you It was unprovoked, and she said it first. :O",-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000045,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,92.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,14.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,-0.5183333333333331,55,1,14,1,2,17,14,15,0.11,0.672,0.217,0.4708,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850411339159775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5146588567399334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424235466180677,0.4534733240918633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NuclearScholar20,2019/03/15,"Scared I'm Losing My Boyfriend Tldr: I've been having some hormone issues and I'm scared its getting between my boyfriend and I.

I love him with everything in me. But I'm scared of my hormone issues coming between us. All I wanna do is cry and scream. My sex drive is shit. I feel empty a lot. And I'm constantly cramping/bleeding/feeling gross. 

He is very understanding. And reminds me all the time that he loves me and he isn't going anywhere... but my brain keeps playing the ""what if"" game... 

I just wanna go back to what we were before these issues came up. And I just want him to see that that girl is still in here somewhere... 

Idk... ",0.8580468749999994,3.3311449609375043,2.1878125,93.6259375,87.671875,4.1375,21.28125,5.602791699666715,0.05845937499999997,497,17,101,3,16,159,80,128,0.136,0.7959999999999999,0.068,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,1,5,10,1,3,3,0,9,5,2,0,2,26,25,10,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,11,0,1,2,2,0,5,1,7,0,0,3,3,18,3,11,22,4,12,0,1,1,3,11,3,1,3,4,67,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942625036153658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216007887323494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733808767212545,0.0,0.17763690477143987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337885542759162,0.0,0.1678383741647054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060423793055174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958547369695715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706202332945082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114472749324254,0.0,0.17653612151290154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863198324086624,0.0,0.13804949273435524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375572354165375,0.0,0.132041713631755,0.28035242191035337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664867705839754,0.0,0.12376449791407095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942674983193458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240333080976546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056436565793108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168650030082646,0.18682263522967574,0.0,0.0,0.12814964119932928,0.09160773901034076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vsxcy,2019/03/15,"What are some of your coping mechanisms on your bad days? On my bad days, I struggle to even take a shower. What are some ways you turn bad days into good days? More simply, how do you find the energy or the energy to do *anything*",1.1078723404255302,3.319984893617022,2.8887659574468114,91.09400000000002,83.04255319148936,6.313191489361702,15.782978723404256,7.554174236665415,0.1158289361702125,178,3,38,3,5,59,32,47,0.226,0.652,0.122,-0.7941,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,6,6,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885279639556885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738612653739184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5909964970272613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131693217661427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939123313825173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921563600247028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395027566140861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225302941599302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491926126400533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184716514733648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlexxPrincess,2019/03/15,"In a really bad state and the one person who can make it better, I can't talk to I found the most perfect girl and we started dating which is great and I was so happy but now I am just an absolute mess. I'm so sad it physically hurts, I'm terrified of being abandoned because i'm a fucking mess and she is so good at knowing how i'm feeling so i'm scared to talk to her because I don't want her worrying or getting upset and i'm so scared that if she realises that this is how things are with me then she will leave and the thought of that I can't deal with. I just deactivated all my social media accounts and I just want to push everyone away and hide forever. I don't want her seeing me like this because I know it will hurt her. I'm just so sad and scared and stressed and I'm just drowning in horrible thoughts and I don't know what to do. She is really the only person who can help make things better but I can't talk to her about this. It's just killing me. I hate this and want it to stop. I don't even know what started this all. Terrified of fucking things up is actually causing me to fuck things up? Fuck this so much. I just want a fucking hug. The one person who can make everything right is the one person I can't talk to. ",1.2966573033707858,2.9669873970037486,3.288824906367044,91.2981811797753,79.52434456928839,6.547378277153559,23.110018726591765,7.492282038375204,0.8230400749063675,973,32,223,14,24,329,112,267,0.305,0.589,0.106,-0.9967,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,20,28,7,5,10,0,24,6,0,6,3,52,58,27,2,6,11,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,24,16,0,2,8,0,1,1,8,20,0,3,4,2,31,8,21,51,4,15,0,5,1,6,25,7,5,3,7,153,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.08869790317744303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539643276143151,0.0,0.07589138494176674,0.16622155049724718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607739413150158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337156612242314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370610730796224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003359474283434,0.0,0.0,0.08685161480249665,0.08168825796613731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595794511638835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965886130057047,0.0,0.42014294824977855,0.04748754477454202,0.0,0.0,0.07623626040420096,0.0,0.10020922821638488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675668502336872,0.0,0.08973746002904229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060923281882531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460445873043009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055901023543996,0.0,0.1998084164483782,0.0,0.0,0.09624196267289332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04440545158991144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820142143754339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681639644264806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847731946641437,0.0691277910356335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174550663028389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645603997530435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762164111964306,0.0,0.0,0.2729975451169371,0.0,0.07242950118579912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265338904827797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866826373911508,0.0,0.0,0.07599014384792195,0.10411697486169427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922235786748863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415395747855552,0.0,0.0,0.14431687797320528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26805355950640103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230567769411664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,natkkaa1996,2019/03/15,How does not having a sens of self appear to you? I ask out of curiosity. Why do you think you don't have a sense of self? Why do you think you are not yourself and you don't know who you are? ,-0.19431818181818272,1.1534909318181867,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,82.86363636363637,5.3090909090909095,15.545454545454547,5.985473137389443,-0.9792090909090908,147,2,40,1,4,50,26,44,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,13,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,5,13,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,0,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794163924738289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615555886810769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425894680382874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6236028361467051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830258701683327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5393930269970872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,judge44,2019/03/15,"Any body here get drunk and just fight the cops This used to be my thing. So bizarre, some misplaced shame though probably. My parents were law enforcement. Authorities would be called to a scene and I’d just start fighting with them. Drunk off my ass usually. I have hella scars all over my body. Some of it done by me. I used to be really handsome. I don’t really have anyone else to turn to for this. It’s so embarrassing because usually I’m naked, or embarrassing some other people. I think I run off shame/guilt. I’ve tried to sui-by cop and I’m just done, I think I’ll get into programming or sum shit.

Like I don’t know what did it, I can’t say I haven’t relapsed on this type of behavior. But like I’ve cut down on the drinking 🙄 I started the exercise and I keep finding myself getting luckier and luckier as I go along. I could have permanently damaged myself, then I’d be of use to anyone. So, I guess I’ll try not to run on my emotions, because they are immature. Why a bro gotta feel so damn much. I feel like I’m always keeping catchup with my brain and my heart. Balances shifting, it’s all really just a fun game. I have a feeling this getting lucky 🍀 feeling might help me to feel some other good shit.",1.2842490842490868,3.452641539682542,3.127301587301588,89.90445054945059,82.01587301587301,6.575335775335777,23.58119658119658,7.748469712250963,1.1792046398046394,956,35,206,17,26,319,138,252,0.16,0.7170000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.8944,1,0,1,0,3,0,30.0,0,0,2,0,10,17,6,3,7,0,20,11,7,3,2,44,46,16,0,2,8,2,5,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,12,10,3,2,9,5,0,3,5,10,0,0,4,6,29,7,26,34,7,16,0,1,0,1,10,8,4,9,8,122,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951490550384024,0.0,0.0,0.07776248894607063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991352501412534,0.11716594364651982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941441510057898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540359979060133,0.0,0.12765334976925385,0.11676498755791798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129983680487487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340412115993167,0.0,0.11202028432233403,0.0,0.0,0.09552544932730436,0.1286292979895375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890960897575628,0.08169225925561405,0.0,0.0,0.10451459140057004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389743661817776,0.0,0.06498821465363873,0.09591205492229292,0.0,0.0,0.12597033659958104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550628985912436,0.07664695417879726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328055221243904,0.0,0.0,0.06284422829348671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759812545210234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130816504900227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840610209805598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269730695770651,0.0,0.0,0.07927647076280774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328954061094395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976821875031213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093637356846852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347589773881497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187621891566495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596961354056286,0.146542795357854,0.11234911463601767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527342133617206,0.1243808716333402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962872190064949,0.25188257841641803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318384230541547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123155218215869,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ectomech,2019/03/15,"Worry about my FP loving me. The illusionary beast. Not worrying about whether or not my FP doesnt love me anymore for any given reason is like staring in the face of an illusionary monster. It looks real. It's right there. But I must look at it, declare it isnt real, and ignore that beast. And trust that she loves me just as much as yesterday.

But man that's tough. So much apologizing for everything I say and do, worrying that I'm getting annoying, but I'm working on it. Ignoring the beast that isn't really there, and listening to the words of my partner and favorite person.

Here's to all of you, struggling to ignore that beastie.",3.31789818181818,5.3971522080000005,4.795418181818182,80.92170909090909,74.92,8.065454545454546,28.163636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.4215600000000004,506,21,95,11,11,169,77,125,0.11699999999999999,0.735,0.14800000000000002,0.491,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,7,11,1,1,5,0,6,4,1,1,2,22,16,13,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,11,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,5,10,5,15,14,3,5,0,0,3,3,11,4,0,1,2,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534691376735827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682167285580643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244285440286126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861906293822233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286740297755261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848749185688474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592640154757862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24937934651153365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810499592216567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38612770611409375,0.10866244175294028,0.1743968500461681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448539218527348,0.0,0.13488804412617045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773228795720818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234848419442473,0.5167697782629199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThePerpetuallyNumb,2019/03/15,"My only solace is nature. It's a scary thing, suicide. There comes a point, I guess it's like those who are terminally ill, where I reason with myself as to why it would be best if I just killed myself. It's kind of scary if you think about it. 

I don't mean fleeting thoughts or emotional reactions like many of us have. I've tried to kill myself before and if not for random chance of would have been dead. 

I went off into the woods, virtually the center of our national forest where there were no people. But someone else was there. They cut the rope from my neck, gave me cpr, I hate them for that. 

So much of my life has been suffering, I just want the pain to end. I think about the past so much that I can't live in the present, I can't imagine the future. 

I have no one to talk to, not even my SO knows how bad it is. Why would I burden them with that? If people only knew the half of it. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to sleep and never wake up. 

I'm in my mid twenties and I have nothing to show for it, no meaning in life, no motivation. I don't even feel anything when I think of myself not being there for my kids. I hope they will know the pain I'm in and forgive me. I hope they know how much I love them and that I'm sorry for not being the father they deserve. ",1.8601564027370472,3.025182537634411,3.3128983382209216,93.89843841642231,76.67025089605735,6.076311502117955,19.491854024112087,6.351523495107088,-0.1753168458781369,1004,19,238,7,22,330,140,279,0.237,0.674,0.08900000000000001,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,2,1,7,2,19,17,4,0,12,0,24,13,3,4,1,51,49,20,4,11,13,1,1,2,0,4,9,0,0,1,15,11,0,0,15,1,0,2,13,9,0,2,8,1,41,8,33,33,4,21,0,1,0,1,17,13,0,9,8,170,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250877441046046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386264903360224,0.0,0.0,0.09565772052992444,0.0,0.1179736371947638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683641417393296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939091277394036,0.12645284854448285,0.09956719288377923,0.0,0.0,0.1484993912786272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568408980291392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238388776437232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098750829670677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330886976911615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487432556972858,0.11706394581939393,0.18534265069854208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588054647068069,0.10984154053745857,0.0,0.09926537132628577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014598124245642,0.0,0.0,0.11397216097617527,0.0,0.24490791971587045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479160437168971,0.0,0.0867021352504057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078661662397109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617597849385192,0.17099483935955725,0.2392370607183649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731377458928193,0.15587017432569433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062694386868375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558235196015675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124971670970062,0.0,0.09524969642256256,0.0,0.0,0.1258404877910699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229648380396099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035570778406182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468418303743732,0.2160948655901758,0.0,0.08924573241889253,0.0,0.2584112676253583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632307234081186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522258447352956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326117171136785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421074120881224,0.2028758764483936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395712639112577,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hellodarklight,2019/03/15,"Diagnosed Today I was officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. I am glad to learn more about this, but focus most on the treatment. I’m in a DBT group and using DBT with my individual therapist and I plan on being able to manage the symptoms I am struggling with. 

I hope for the best for all of you dealing with this mental illness as well!",5.515970149253732,7.265773432835822,7.0718208955223885,68.22802985074628,68.40298507462686,10.136119402985075,32.80298507462687,10.355215969177356,3.8498083582089553,288,13,48,8,5,99,49,67,0.11900000000000001,0.691,0.19,0.7574,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,4,0,4,4,0,1,1,12,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,4,14,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,39,9,2,0.2401662265673475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520396377037393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476008339273153,0.0,0.4875273290130084,0.0,0.0,0.27525130267226217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385392532219801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420310686805472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970388539540594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510738856865394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24962466740923325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27885149985498603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276495008860615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742650886816846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593828048834354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mybrainisbr0ked,2019/03/15,"I want to quit my job... Panicking. I don't feel like I can do this any more to be honest. The job feels out of my skill level, I spend the whole shift trying to catch up and feeling confused. This is my second job so I only do 2 shifts a week there but every night before those shifts I'm paralyzed with fear, I want to cry and I can't stop thinking of ways I can quit this and no one will find out and I can just pretend it never happened... 

That's not possible obviously. And I'm stuck. I will be freaking out until the shift starts tomorrow (doubt I will sleep because of the anxiety) and then will freak out the whole shift and I'll come home feeling broken and defeated. 

Please help. I need advice. :(",0.6352576064908746,2.9521241931034545,2.303367139959434,93.7404056795132,86.3793103448276,5.3427991886409725,18.87423935091278,6.794906146795322,0.14332454361054792,548,15,119,7,17,179,89,145,0.248,0.648,0.10300000000000001,-0.9788,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,3,8,0,3,6,0,14,1,1,0,2,31,28,12,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,14,0,1,6,1,1,2,5,6,0,2,1,4,15,2,14,21,3,17,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,9,76,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634527561205218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184300501041296,0.0,0.11456719323521465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129326470927927,0.0,0.1274360679457818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900633412474785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450605539975305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261805842021462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852340553483486,0.30289580404854577,0.10698969749349643,0.0,0.0,0.1368793643301636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243366418406988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038202537315494,0.0,0.15022306827647014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458457570818166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316593969444428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104630856913712,0.11550535740979348,0.0,0.0,0.1405410908949256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148231755263418,0.1139004245882368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439323431882893,0.0,0.1688336711812838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185797342634091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986972876274302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600201200818056,0.0,0.0,0.12520738069494974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596116870834792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016782772866917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766665115882505,0.1188737656183303,0.12012970017800355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344068953535577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FableFamiliarx,2019/03/15,Aging improperly because of constant stress Does anyone struggle with anxiety about their face aging? I just hit my mid twenties and my face has aged considerably in the past year and a half after a very strenuous bout of severe depression. I feel like i'm in the mirror constantly checking myself and finding new wrinkles. My under eyes have become SO hollow from crying so much. Nobody has ever really valued me for anything more than my looks and I think that's why aging is affecting me so terribly and why i'm constantly stressed. I wish I could go back and tell myself to not let the dude that left me ruin my entire life but I can't and now I look like a hag. I look at pictures of myself from a year and a half ago and I want to cry because I barely even resemble that person. I'm probably being dramatic. Hope y'all are having a better day than me :),3.215196078431372,5.280894441176471,4.933529411764706,79.87754901960788,75.17647058823529,7.5921568627450995,24.862745098039216,8.447377352677275,1.88846274509804,685,23,123,13,15,232,111,170,0.129,0.746,0.126,0.3563,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,9,10,0,3,9,0,10,4,3,1,1,23,23,13,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,6,0,2,0,5,24,4,17,19,2,24,0,2,4,0,4,6,0,1,19,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493338664793445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918749106588977,0.0,0.0,0.09065940931114183,0.0,0.10669692270273662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969847194503156,0.0,0.15807579154246498,0.14319631772866967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467135860277858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203404876391104,0.0,0.10352081569338764,0.0,0.2848449445164973,0.0836182418748855,0.0,0.1116736553966442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346399007720925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563743371173403,0.11728246441352913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555863421625252,0.09262721172274116,0.0,0.0,0.11850443694408043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073687240052574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877896917579687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087305208924306,0.13258338911070447,0.09158079598705823,0.12668802970272094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266384686417643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531304506627424,0.0,0.0,0.1252238427458098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377257817175012,0.0,0.11321176631776013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979251504890408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306179603634811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647586043091348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970440324681333,0.13554597722994416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332620816300262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307917210112813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698086366439286,0.07647524367567124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339911197138997,0.0,0.1490995134341683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699011971980826
bpd,syddo19,2019/03/15,"Just because I have BPD doesn’t mean I’m abusive Fuck everyone who thinks that BPD=abusive.

I have never ever once been anything akin to abusive to anyone. 

Fuck you for saying its “likely” and that my bpd “must not be that bad” if Im not an abuser.

Fuck that bullshit",0.5678441558441527,2.9907887454545445,2.277922077922078,92.72545454545455,88.81818181818181,3.8701298701298703,20.584415584415584,5.288315135182226,-0.05583116883116857,211,7,42,1,7,69,40,55,0.332,0.584,0.084,-0.9579,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,3,10,12,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,9,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,1,3,27,10,0,0.0,0.6463822712249784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536453368622216,0.0,0.11223437651552044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387693718262315,0.0831398762801942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5153216440604602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336929628541705,0.0,0.13032303851962154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782610542338192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732070314688164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663150007277542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485647596576295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518959044055044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524705213381858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845992994910318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739089043995997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rosemm2,2019/03/15,"Dbt resources online? recommendations? Recommendations for Dbt videos and resources to learn different skills? I’m looking into getting a workbook. Unfortunately I cant afford proper mental health care and i am uninsured, but I really am interested and starting to devote time to my mental health care. I’ve started doing yoga twice a day, however my meditation practice has been unsuccessful as i feel i need more training. I would also love to learn specific DBT skills",7.068910714285713,10.054088212500004,7.894642857142857,58.81750000000002,66.875,9.571428571428571,35.17857142857143,9.957137785484203,4.491232142857143,387,19,50,10,7,129,56,80,0.057,0.715,0.228,0.9506,3,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,0,10,17,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,8,5,7,15,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,31,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755818483106774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44771158471019584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159787144478486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939320203915026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101600382531734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471090448005175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667634825443737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437488780204145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981612415494762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425291628020429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280076847710806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065559444224882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108110343768364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802705264058656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596894297936592,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NordicBreeze_,2019/03/15,"How can I be more normal and be less of an outcast when it comes to BPD? BPD has caused me to be more pushed away from doing more things with people. My family and peers at school have always kind of pushed me to the side, saying things like ""why cant you just be normal? You'd have more friends.""

I have been made fun of relentlessly for how I act and think and Im unsure what to do. I dont have many friends and would like to make more but they outcast me and dont like it when I talk.

I hope one of you guys could help me on how to be more ""normal.""



",1.8356106519742887,2.650858438016531,2.916143250688709,98.10128558310379,76.19008264462809,6.038934802571165,17.576675849403124,5.82211442006289,-0.7170062442607898,425,5,109,2,9,136,68,121,0.027000000000000003,0.836,0.13699999999999998,0.9244,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,1,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,20,0,0,6,0,23,25,12,0,6,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,1,15,8,16,15,7,10,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,5,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258893614219871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214640861652406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811009112169276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542139597659074,0.0,0.13032704035776507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079655597902107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35463266705819385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426272361210757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377991464739495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980560027469647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014096893827765,0.0,0.0,0.1502698356342107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342430457997992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755021209108594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174493462044065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315876135293065,0.1009904280307408,0.1533891413670509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444710229639498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252124583659884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488873773986214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031566676038305,0.0,0.15311837573792858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160499823730292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102703347367232,0.09694357406464754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651998973245796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747545761123392,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,urladylazarus,2019/03/15,"I’m getting really depressed about this money issue I don’t make bad money, but I’m really bad at spending it, so I’m pretty much always living paycheck to paycheck. Nothing in my savings. I’m super impulsive, and I just love spending money. It makes me feel good. Sometimes to alleviate my guilt about spending money, I will just buy things for other people so I don’t feel as bad. But now it’s gotten to the point where I’ll make a specific choice not to pay a bill so I can buy something instead. I know this sounds ridiculous but I’ve had some run-ins with substance abuse in the past and it feels like I’m genuinely addicted to shopping sometimes. 

Does anybody else deal with being really bad with money? What kind of things do you do to help with being impulsive? ",3.4730617408906888,5.458891559210528,4.729210526315793,81.98178137651823,74.19736842105263,7.045344129554657,26.823886639676108,7.882392219407189,1.8002827935222667,615,23,111,9,13,203,90,152,0.175,0.667,0.158,-0.4395,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,10,13,1,1,4,0,9,2,0,3,0,21,24,9,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,1,13,0,3,7,0,0,2,4,10,6,18,19,2,7,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,67,20,1,0.0,0.176606294217517,0.0,0.16249240482689084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402604667803148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978201851867097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366958887682106,0.12838121137286707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043939899319185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451667368032655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261006908049892,0.106485218960728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778753028155449,0.0,0.0,0.1250206110399849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999087033798887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557512847310798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521827848059913,0.08191695848820614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728209471692722,0.0,0.13161866313454554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345283324363762,0.0,0.29848694280819704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095728812832669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430226916822094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422902605273693,0.10333625761526724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090554707184474,0.0,0.0,0.1516429444437502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864661487817516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475014141224435,0.2948392354880349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805159034508613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,m0meraths,2019/03/15,"My partner has gone to Barcelona today. Tonight is the first night alone out of four. I’m absolutely bricking it. I haven’t been doing well recently, and while I’m ok tonight I don’t know how I’m going to feel in a couple of days time. I’ve been signed off sick by my doctor from work until the 23rd.

I’m planning on going to the gym once my muscle soreness wears off as a way to keep myself occupied. I plan on going to an AA meeting in order to start working on my sobriety. However, one part of me just wants to get absolutely shitfaced; which would be silly.

I also plan on posting daily on here to update on how I’m doing, and to receive any advice any of you lot have based on your own personal experience (and a bit of validation lol). ",4.167254901960781,4.670309287581702,5.87896078431373,80.16432352941176,70.5032679738562,8.47294117647059,29.02549019607843,8.548686976883017,2.0796305882352946,583,21,118,9,10,201,100,153,0.037000000000000005,0.9259999999999999,0.038,-0.2263,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,6,6,3,0,0,7,2,11,4,1,2,0,14,26,9,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,1,0,5,2,0,2,3,3,1,12,3,30,21,4,32,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,12,78,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854040067195144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650522953809996,0.0,0.15172868730127784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804866069391746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207138306845726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993495363326006,0.0,0.122361504709515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941988382017548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559439500624425,0.0,0.0,0.0959342477136044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138602252719156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912718839309602,0.0,0.3234873647863292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864260311909196,0.0,0.0,0.1042717971303855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130344173023706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780507177404555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020584882942624,0.12856737743497726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546136892058625,0.0,0.0,0.16566674647609106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817108995897512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733755371762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429335292480207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106343099990394,0.0,0.17984384064982148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190890503514032,0.1506005051908886,0.0,0.0,0.17059193872680226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762544487664525,0.0,0.0,0.13478023614464904,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,isabel2308,2019/03/15,"I think I might have BPD but I can't afford a therapist to get a real diagnosis I made a few online tests about BPD, all of them said that there is a pretty high probably that I have it. I also looked the symptoms up myself and I was shocked about how well fitting it is on what I'm experiencing.
I wish I could go to a therapist because I want to get a real diagnosis. But I can't just go there! Not only because I don't have the money for it, I also can't do it because my family would be ashamed of me...
Is there a way to help myself with this, maybe an online service that helps people out for free?

(Please don't downvote this because I'm ""not diagnosed and just speculating""... I'm just asking for advice)",2.855076266015864,3.8768964966442967,5.135680292861501,82.36824283099452,73.96644295302012,7.834289200732154,25.625991458206226,8.296473431620573,1.5577194630872486,554,18,117,9,11,195,81,149,0.05,0.785,0.166,0.948,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,12,4,0,1,10,0,17,2,0,2,1,22,31,7,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,7,2,1,0,3,3,18,3,15,24,2,8,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,0,88,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391567578145543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277628468326066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331296812936472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472356637169895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35870884327518776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369900095094936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453832662583013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424699176173382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148801726479667,0.0,0.16186436555185682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090246863611324,0.1504589605135227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958454058397587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474728655368653,0.0,0.0,0.14306520972037173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106946141362634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830560626649198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872586677139722,0.0,0.0,0.15631819612065825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487733033370656,0.1535369403247099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241766918223023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545999899063554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801357612055946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306869319325248,0.0,0.09124753127629784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399430341775824,0.113034655498587,0.0,0.0,0.12803941793142648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375900446870634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116060063223692,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,juanFkennedy_,2019/03/15,"I wrote a poem about my BPD that I would like to show you guys. Forgive the format I am on mobile and a beginner in the poetry department. Borderline 

I feel so empty inside
How do I escape myself? 
I cannot look at myself anymore 
My reflection is a stranger 
I ask her each morning 
Who will you be today?
Will you be the same tomorrow? 
Are you okay today? 
Will you be okay tomorrow? 

An endless carousel of love and hate 
A different mask for every boy, every date 
Who are you?
I’m all good. 
I’m all bad. 
Who are you? 
Psycho, crazy, clingy, annoying, worthless
Most days I wake up and wish I could end this 
No, life is a precious gift they say 
Too hard to remember that when I have a bad day 

I take off my clothes in a college dorm
My hands move to cover my form
You’re beautiful they say 
So sexy they say 
Pink and white raised lines cover my legs 
Let’s turn the lights off I say
He has his way 
I feel whole for an hour maybe 
Sex and drugs are all I live for daily 

My heart is lost
My soul aches 
It longs for a love that will never be 
A love I don’t deserve 
Most things I can’t bring myself to remember 
Black or white? 
Love or hate? 
Day or night? 
No decisions can be made 
My mind is on the borderline 

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bpd,mylittlevoice,2019/03/15,"Non Stop anxiety attack/break down It has just been constant. If i am not working I am studying. I needed a break. I needed some time to not worry about everything going on. I requested off work two days of spring break. one day so i can study and the next so i can go somewhere hiking OR SOMETHING other than this. I requested off a month before everyone else (i serve) and I was the only one who didnt get my days. A dude I work with said he was going to a funeral thursday and had no plans friday and would probably go to the city for that day. it infuriated me hearing this because my boss made me take his shift. This whole week I have been un able to sleep at night so i wake up around noon and then have to go into work. By the time I get home I am exhausted and don't feel like studying anymore. I have barley done chapter. This morning I woke up with enough time but instead I have been having a mental break down. It has been like this everyday and I wonder If i am bipolar and not BPD bc my moods arent changing. this whole week has been constant high anxiety. tomorrow i was supposed to do something for myself. maybe go to the fair with my man or go hiking and take some shrooms. but now i am in the battle of maybe i should just study bc my test monday. i just want a break. i want to say fuck it and not study or just study sunday but i did bad on my last test. thank you to my boss for fucking me. since before spring break i was counting down the days i could finally breathe, and did not get those days. Now I continue suffering. I need some words of encouragement/ advice. I called my SO but i was too much to handle. I truly am being too much to hanlde. I cant even handle myself. Also now my eyes are so puffy and I have work in a few hours. ",0.6637425029988009,2.894052256830601,2.4319005731040906,93.52672730907636,85.17486338797815,5.319365587098496,19.309342929494868,6.697824305789354,0.1208172197787558,1370,38,301,16,41,451,175,366,0.09699999999999999,0.861,0.042,-0.9532,1,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,6,19,11,3,0,14,0,41,8,4,3,0,53,67,28,1,10,18,0,1,2,0,2,2,3,1,1,14,17,0,1,2,0,0,7,10,6,0,3,18,5,51,4,37,45,9,60,0,1,1,2,12,15,2,9,35,214,65,9,0.08830791253713663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629347009391783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061980575117811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511062276304747,0.0,0.08757772019288611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786127645227321,0.0,0.10046299905517156,0.0,0.0,0.07373341834453817,0.05383168383822788,0.0,0.15028705876802706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112207244754943,0.0,0.09017225211693836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341806225295088,0.0,0.0,0.19085896298393887,0.0,0.07050668248066143,0.0,0.0,0.3417077883307453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036965437785552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376992950093797,0.0,0.0,0.09124567984385412,0.0,0.05832654337902012,0.0,0.0,0.08438199478168712,0.0793654576613072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465113393466424,0.06308719036128564,0.0,0.09673700172776943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327848433167572,0.1384117185779262,0.0,0.3513119522604843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952943545294493,0.0,0.0,0.09330215803632128,0.08858003646183008,0.0,0.08696550557471358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719827350178464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628557092137462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355908203863728,0.0,0.0,0.17743433506746678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899360559473989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048653328051335,0.0,0.12983295310687978,0.19643759460237,0.0,0.0,0.09391646681466984,0.0828709937740489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967945392380687,0.06716214679143427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521086561874663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400104713130913,0.07022599646960681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304921779950803,0.0,0.0883716874554594,0.0,0.0,0.13596749081069298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382936904761704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279312034522306,0.0,0.0,0.08130206132197144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447916186147584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626399890722942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417258958704624,0.0,0.14167056157224034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971852613806935,0.0,0.0,0.09576616418317882,0.32144606034598844,0.08968097174954474,0.0,0.06273140738859387,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,playtotheaudience,2019/03/15,"Periods of feeling ""normal""? Say, months after losing your FP, you're finally not dependent on people. Maybe you even just don't have energy to talk to people. You're just letting yourself drift by in your dull existence in this maybe even somewhat depressive episode. You think, finally, I'm over them! You feel normal again. Like you never had BPD in the first place. You forget what it was like.

And then, inevitably, another few months or so later, a new *special person* comes along when you told yourself you wouldn't fall in love, grow dependent and destroy someone again. But it happens anyway.

Anyone else?",4.465272727272726,7.325625163636367,4.400909090909089,81.32136363636364,74.63636363636363,7.272727272727272,27.272727272727273,8.296473431620573,2.2720000000000007,488,19,79,9,11,150,82,110,0.158,0.7879999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.907,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,9,1,2,9,8,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,1,20,14,7,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,3,3,10,4,12,9,2,25,0,3,0,1,15,7,0,4,16,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878564330261214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255034126259572,0.16492747490376486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027295496452339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386569353190902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863875929080352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344654483740661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126314844172282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277729382563028,0.0,0.0,0.352658173857193,0.0,0.13691658940550125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234065430526846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645974290318632,0.0,0.157278555919013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007845477386827,0.0,0.0,0.14527703001859776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234215836074215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569611592695707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414598848992316,0.15546082135704362,0.0,0.0,0.3154226852569801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231854707138764,0.14054826775094792,0.16817397205488988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800568153831834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363849653943649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937742105384326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313975397418268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380877872295376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,androgenies,2019/03/15,"Why do I want everyone to love me and only me? when i was in high school i would make friends online and flirt with anyone who was remotely kind to me. Once I got to college about 2 years ago, i got into my first long term relationship and it started out great but, things aren’t the same anymore. We hardly kiss and we havent had sex in over a year so we decided to open things up. Right now i have two online friends that im trying so hard not to flirt with and all i want is for everyone to be in love with me and i feel like a horrible person having multiple people talking to me and interested in me but i cant stop myself i need to feel loved.  im posting this looking for reassurance that im not the only one whos like this.",2.8963636363636382,3.585785445859877,4.707573827446442,86.73289519397802,73.52229299363056,8.002084539664159,25.10075275043428,8.296473431620573,1.3173872611464972,573,17,130,9,11,196,95,157,0.040999999999999995,0.693,0.267,0.9892,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,3,0,0,1,5,14,0,0,4,0,12,5,0,1,1,31,26,12,0,4,4,0,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,16,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,5,21,14,22,19,3,22,0,0,1,5,14,11,0,0,12,87,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503537584273855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869932000116382,0.09073985834711586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24800612130177446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312336188248702,0.0927094069404762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038431148812744,0.0,0.0,0.20052362204179025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758163817865016,0.1430744958807348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325011069635401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711163372908933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205292854195608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351379532737324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680044969239965,0.0,0.0,0.11484446360640126,0.1089761066555944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35137389128534496,0.0,0.08662406456439584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622456789355466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820333856320205,0.08793711633610045,0.19739547005422187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996782137897383,0.11331222778701505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428605790642995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393269592500533,0.0,0.11082489477563301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313365664900475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185355130453594,0.0,0.0,0.1084955120048342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430611518405404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242999229106856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810692063646118,0.0,0.12676874866678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308621203069647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709937897594976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218656818020046,0.0,0.0,0.16713830284002407
bpd,Vindermiatrix,2019/03/15,"How to deal with an enabler? I am in a relationship with someone who encourages my bad behaviors/habits. I am semi aware of what I am doing as there is a small voice in my head that’s says “why is he allowing this? , why isn’t he telling me off?”.

Sometimes I wonder if he is with me due to my unpredictable emotional stability as he wants an adventure each time but it’s starting to sicken me that he is allowing it. I need advice on how to confront him on it before it starts to really piss me off. ",2.1262028047464945,3.8774131844660222,4.453915857605182,83.51403451995688,77.3495145631068,8.461272923408847,26.00755124056095,9.150863307647796,2.202685868392664,390,15,82,10,9,136,64,103,0.124,0.8290000000000001,0.048,-0.8683,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,4,0,9,2,2,4,0,13,14,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,13,2,17,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,12,7,1,2,4,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297663313781564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632374285745025,0.0,0.0,0.20007832637371709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424087230641168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644896215570445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24131123251478495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743459283281169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063030977661027,0.0,0.0,0.25244164336965896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698482699369615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922490042891253,0.0,0.23254959913098155,0.0,0.33285247256478057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055139986851676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710620381300218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868577607047106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243365365234429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25498847352620346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blovefest,2019/03/15,"Help! Going to a bachelorette party this weekend where I barely know anyone... As my title says, I am a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding that is in May. This weekend is her bachlorette party and I'm so nervous to go. I only know a few people and I am extremely self conscious about the fact that I never finished college and I don't have a real job because my mental illness. I know I have to suck it up and go but I am freaking out. I have been crying all morning.

Does anyone else with BPD have any suggestions or words of encouragement that I can use to get me through this?",2.164592074592079,4.2333180000000015,3.7872416472416472,86.85447552447556,78.40170940170941,5.622066822066823,26.02097902097902,6.574015621080383,1.1008358974358976,454,18,88,4,11,151,78,117,0.12300000000000001,0.794,0.083,-0.677,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,6,0,13,1,0,1,3,19,23,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,1,15,2,13,21,2,12,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,2,4,65,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350153469244006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29510161735588913,0.2162159796431405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863645953421413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657735965746987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317966895581139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846659229188358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628099057065694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630343221283918,0.0,0.11024977712268523,0.0,0.35978433816026106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144294637722396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940580838390066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34791491356192383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126595627083477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275242518432595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604910001316372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629541021189388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401881272974476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678123905664888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014095331040875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225441432168202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coriento,2019/03/15,"first time in therapy i finally started going to therapy for the first time, i just had my second session this week. i have all the symptoms of BPD, how do i bring it up to my therapist without seeming like I’m looking for a diagnosis? 
i feel like my life would make so much sense with a diagnosis rather than thinking that I’m just a crazy angry irrational emotional person..",10.092831050228313,7.1470516164383575,10.387671232876716,63.92844748858451,60.232876712328775,14.116894977168947,44.88127853881278,12.45797560212912,5.5602456621004555,300,15,54,8,3,102,53,73,0.174,0.804,0.023,-0.8664,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,2,1,12,14,2,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,2,8,2,10,12,2,11,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,9,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530132671912787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597362565877085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157575698128056,0.1435154844252428,0.0,0.2200646055926758,0.0,0.3417529775880612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417012080379778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189418050792038,0.1962889049072143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869656762550556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340952876208629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476768822068839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540894499085655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288223742232068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219060769219566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880108859874424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.459469255418828,0.2332481694674057,0.0,0.1287218670192815,0.0,0.0,0.2342805422272668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114142313518878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936502896567356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427061225661443,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jjtaylor1998,2019/03/15,"side effects causing me to pee so much are ruining me bascially im on zoloft, latuda, and prazosin. ever since i started lithium when i was 15 and then got changed to latuda which works great for me and ive been on for years, ive had frequent urination. every job ive ever had complains i get up too often

recently my coworker asked why i got up all the time and i kind of flipped on her and told her i had a medical issue and it was none of her buisness. i had to talk with her and my boss and ect. well recently i got what i think is a uti (ive held off going to the doctor which is my fault) but i keep peeing like every 30 minutes.

anyways today at work my boss called my into her office and said i needed a note for this medical issue. i literally dont hsve disability accomidations despite adhd bc i dont want to go through that. for starters my psychiatrist is all the way in florida and im in pa in college. i go home for the summer, winter break, and a week each semester and get three months worth each visit. my doctor id great but the office sucks and they will hang up on me when i call, leave me on hold for 40 minutes, and lastly its just a fucking side effect. i dont want to send her my medical records and see it has bpd, im so ashamed of this disorder which i know i shouldnt be but i am

does anyone have any advice for dealing with this? i really dont want to get fired, and i understand why she does it but its still a hurtful and hard situation",2.42013129689175,3.6014287234726723,4.5267725080385866,85.68807944801719,75.27009646302251,7.6270632368703115,25.82006966773848,8.212053250817874,1.5133375133976419,1147,40,250,19,24,397,165,311,0.107,0.843,0.051,-0.9296,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,4,12,12,2,1,11,0,25,10,3,5,4,48,50,26,0,5,5,1,2,1,0,2,6,1,1,0,13,22,0,3,5,0,1,6,6,7,1,1,13,4,46,5,34,34,6,43,0,2,1,1,19,16,2,1,20,166,59,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757657299323643,0.08747053259994501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087153720940518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258918805270795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836820597899725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273780038553485,0.0,0.1828044441791672,0.0,0.0,0.09195394605223801,0.0946923058120984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228340804377168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025890255544968,0.18323957619207304,0.15666590078433848,0.0,0.4196317106808392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193827593273896,0.15083620373495654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827528199472076,0.14029968581525654,0.0,0.15261596870460029,0.0,0.2147738561352792,0.19737558976496528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018557539805941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978828825177737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958249317365019,0.0,0.2900664273257859,0.1868554886790822,0.088827297103309,0.07956278062633422,0.0,0.09321344472626167,0.049193702938396366,0.0729645958513322,0.0,0.09478076261440636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043731262840448266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705231361033526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144798558291854,0.0,0.06580195201863193,0.06637234931689404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057343969165655574,0.0,0.1767654959522112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514684046813607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132983542224254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404562570004597,0.100615747029149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335737459404342,0.0,0.07148476019047581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719467186440641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735596520439438,0.0,0.0,0.05219543088992388,0.0,0.08484733854893428,0.08553298433087557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318561987350904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839029100772006,0.07105081832884302,0.07180149008360823,0.0,0.08048244480640994,0.0,0.16154213121083166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033226300908451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764308462576094
bpd,Morph247,2019/03/15,"I feel like I've been used as an impulse, and not sure if I was something real. There's no way for me to find out. Can someone please help me understand what's going on? So I had a best friend who lives interstate, who suffers from BPD. About 3 years ago we met on a game called Overwatch. We clicked really quickly and became best friends quickly. I knew she had a BF so I tried to stay away, but she felt comfort in me for some reason and I let her come closer and closer until it was clear one of us would get hurt. Unfortunately, I wanted something more and she wasn't ready to separate with her BF. Is this common for someone with BPD? 

I love her so much as a person and it really hurts me that she cut me out so suddenly (especially as the last time we hung out I came over to visit for her birthday. There's more info to this story but I don't feel comfortable just posting it all on here cos now I have pretty terrible trust issues. Hoping someone can give me helpful advice and if I trust you I will tell you more. ",2.333575566087415,4.024169753554503,3.8015718799368083,88.68575961032124,76.58293838862559,6.584623486045286,23.096629805160607,7.3871296695380915,0.8426806740389674,802,24,170,10,18,265,131,211,0.126,0.6729999999999999,0.201,0.9583,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,4,2,0,2,12,17,1,0,6,0,14,1,0,3,3,41,29,19,0,5,6,0,3,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,9,17,0,0,8,1,0,4,4,5,0,1,10,4,33,12,27,16,8,28,0,3,1,1,30,11,0,4,11,122,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393406280342445,0.11242465214470956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915832045667844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661946238201869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194688135078209,0.0,0.12950474172407314,0.1450565188877664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925039464778837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282552765876738,0.09060537029995096,0.12177399212740354,0.0,0.11591775453248895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959727456853311,0.0,0.06626197248489013,0.12166419783434408,0.07207881514699302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001918490229662,0.0,0.0,0.12596801708708225,0.0,0.0,0.2715422612614332,0.0,0.0,0.13237463623911042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338108773183774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968939518502826,0.0,0.06196135903423761,0.0,0.11199073287427903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446649117309038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932325780084501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594138665839818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074061087184596,0.0,0.13921816977909965,0.0,0.0,0.12146539031323235,0.12902884802977302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435710889891668,0.1624974917776701,0.1303994749669885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32238080105556505,0.1952755350667508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518091027604293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119533126194489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085255471181653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395395475124493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610733725629796,0.0,0.0,0.132031578207022,0.15255749446166222,0.10953797188718456,0.0,0.0,0.07480596299016093,0.1006695205718579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009439734644728,0.0,0.0,0.08167255254824705
bpd,honeypeache,2019/03/15,just venting a bit currently entering the “self destruct and isolate”  mindset because a text from my s/o sounded upset that i would insinuate that i have a death wish. my distaste for people telling me what i do and don’t experience just unfolded into anger and the fear that she’s mad at me for saying it is eating me alive and i’m doing everything i can to not just. delete everything.,10.448508771929824,7.014879815789477,10.592631578947374,64.24008771929824,60.05263157894736,13.817543859649124,45.07017543859649,11.855464076750405,5.293364912280701,310,15,56,7,3,105,56,76,0.262,0.674,0.064,-0.9477,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,2,5,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,9,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,10,0,6,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000861228968284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044753917555875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853738546805911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012962760474778,0.2728077050917222,0.0,0.31382852179232695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334704767631436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178433508296985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29094284867562065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24376194732724946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207094663220512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811528744230134,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Orettet04,2019/03/15,"Help, my girlfriend could have inappropriate sexual behaviors by the BDP? I am 21 years old and my ex-girlfriend is 20 years old. Yesterday I learned about the BPD and I have come to the conclusion that my ex-girlfriend could suffer from it. The other week will proceed with the search for a psychologist.  I will tell you a little about the relationship and the main question ...  I was my cousin's best friend. So before the courtship I knew her since childhood. On one occasion with about 12 years something marked me and left me thoughtful. No, no, no, neither me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, or me. I remembered it. We started being boyfriends two years ago and my cousins ​​and sisters who converted with her told me once and again that I would not risk it, that I would not fall in love with her because I always have the opportunity to have a very seductive and impulsive attitude. more beautiful than my cousin and I think a. Despite all that I fell in love with her for her humility, let's see careless (spontaneously), spontaneity, personality, despite the sometimes, catchy and cloying (she sent me random photos of her face at every moment of the day) It was very detailed. We had a special date when we were one month old since we started dating, on the 21st of every month ... every 21 was special, I am not very precise, but she filled me with letters and beautiful details full of creativity and poetry . Every night at 11:11 I never forgot the message of good night, a very long message that I was sometimes too lazy to read.  😅

​

 We have two years of relationship and yesterday my cousin finally confronted me with tests my girlfriend was unfaithful kissing me with a boy after 3 months of being with me (promiscuity), the same boy she insinuated herself to me confess it, is her neighbor winged, very shy and lonely, I confess it scared, I thanked them for revealing the truth. I went to his house and finished with her. He cried and cried but he confessed that he had done it. It is only justified by saying that she is an imbecile without being responsible or emphasizing so much of her action.  At the beginning I noticed certain elements of the illness in her, in high school she confessed that she hurt herself, her father literally caused her emotional abandonment due to her brutal nature, her mother was operated on for a brain tumor and in spite of staying alive. day taking medications, her condition will not allow her to have that role of mother for her.   I could detail more but I think it's enough, I just want to know if I should go ahead in case there is the possibility that this seductive attitude with flirting and a strong impulsiveness have been part of the disease or if she has simply played with my heart. I swear to you that if it were someone else I would have retired and I would have separated myself from his life because it hurts me. But she has shown me day after day that she has the values ​​of monogamy, commitment and the desire to be a mother. Having that sudden behavior of impulsivity is contradicting your mental values ​​and during the moments of impulsivity you forget the damage that can cause me. This contradiction could cause suffering. I know what I'm talking about because I fight against internet pornography and I've lived firsthand that when the reward system of the brain seeks dopamine, the person stops reasoning and the body only seeks to receive that reward, it's like the brain of a addict.  I know that life is not easy for her and that's why being her friend, I want to help her. She could feel like a promiscuous demon and my cousins, my family (for now) and friends can continue to say whore and any other insult denigrate, I do not know how many years she has with this disorder, but if she has an illness I'm going to help! So be your friend, I will help you overcome it even if it takes years.  I ask for your opinion about the situation and any recommendations or information. ",7.5065274034141956,7.620789473045821,7.489218328840972,72.83486972147351,63.29919137466307,10.570709793351304,34.917340521114106,10.235947050556243,3.5214003593890397,3167,128,565,65,42,1018,325,742,0.141,0.7170000000000001,0.142,0.1639,0,2,1,0,1,0,99.0,5,7,1,7,17,38,5,2,43,0,60,16,6,6,6,118,90,46,0,18,22,10,1,2,7,9,6,2,1,4,39,45,0,3,20,2,0,10,12,16,0,4,18,4,123,22,78,51,11,75,5,7,1,4,102,16,0,12,49,420,162,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684162171468434,0.0,0.0,0.05563177701252163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052220243465708686,0.0679989960236908,0.07625865702844971,0.08535609951405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867088749872025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477131374941055,0.0,0.05340300836639887,0.0,0.06586135545803237,0.0,0.0,0.0697107378226308,0.07904235172836285,0.2101783039718026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934113346672446,0.0,0.05406103979536978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505384685326503,0.0,0.13787491083880513,0.16189660887353066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192687646573044,0.0,0.0,0.06422391187065946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242681831185541,0.07059506008888711,0.0,0.06484648570600357,0.0,0.041451511654915715,0.0,0.21150755519830386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059163291567724687,0.0,0.0317326707785616,0.04483480856294575,0.0,0.068749058700821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394878045901945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133440033103945,0.05263899738486207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436932972925908,0.1682632625833807,0.06630798376202922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241508255290614,0.13436891500031034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796210169721335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818748189252072,0.06417499521844687,0.08865661353193617,0.06132143517328568,0.06290067768582443,0.05541705809070585,0.05553945074433612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328430537015101,0.0,0.0,0.06362744410414034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322276054531617,0.06324598143167569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028012221496176,0.0,0.04613484579336275,0.0,0.04840335760158133,0.0,0.0,0.1177895265267868,0.0,0.0,0.07145116522313295,0.19756401064601176,0.06683593857114707,0.08505380212469521,0.09546159772930016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796152711942281,0.0,0.0,0.10959690517562116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075097419405567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030407680718175,0.0,0.06277565643297052,0.0,0.0,0.06452636833223925,0.0,0.1347586561446598,0.0710933424875526,0.0,0.0,0.09981643150775313,0.0628323800568281,0.06351512764693379,0.050010537023875985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382924574570096,0.07054337798762303,0.0,0.0,0.053175220011225564,0.048314692621201666,0.12413986475274608,0.0,0.08884182359638405,0.06689239515855068,0.0,0.05246906081276824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437342343284792,0.05044304413708734,0.054853846441599435,0.05777975424596452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042644720585079,0.0,0.04982337618572644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059968601558107675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226122087457304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258912389409324,0.07403338276588856,0.0,0.05034122197169738,0.0,0.0,0.05817791866472383,0.05662994093573881,0.0,0.0,0.060497121266669514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832784278678093,0.0,0.07625865702844971,0.2829016947182916
bpd,creepycastles,2019/03/15,"Best ways to approach treatment I’m really happy to see that this sub exists and am seeking direction on how to go about treatment.

I was diagnosed with BPD about two years ago when I was inpatient along with major depressive disorder and anxiety. I kind of just over looked the diagnosis until it was brought to my attention by another therapist, about a year later. 

I have a bad habit of putting my treatment on the back burner and I find myself suffering through things I am aware I could be in treatment for. I ended up moving to a new state after going into rehab, and now that I’m sober I am realizing how much BPD impacts my life. 

I feel overwhelmed at times, juggling mental illness on top of trying to just live everyday life. I have benefited from DBT therapy in the past and have been against medication until recently....Because I’m thinking this isn’t something I can overcome on my own through positive thinking.

Interested in hearing what has helped you guys the most 💜",8.043478260869566,7.900115521739135,8.324043478260872,68.15573913043481,62.26086956521739,11.707826086956524,40.13913043478261,11.20814326018867,4.77843652173913,792,40,132,20,10,261,123,184,0.08800000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.095,0.2944,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,10,9,0,1,7,0,15,6,0,2,0,21,27,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,6,0,0,6,1,4,0,1,5,4,18,5,35,20,5,35,0,3,2,0,4,12,0,1,15,99,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387609841060594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836471205361258,0.115535047755219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613024579520605,0.12610102500277473,0.09206450293550887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849325292576666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38042580075090027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205825679858119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300791155275848,0.1532889686905303,0.0,0.0,0.1730897359242409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376487035645818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636366091677918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380357102937963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166396098816486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495402235053468,0.0,0.16077078006521592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702181196851233,0.0,0.1012300447253017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572711159410193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334931500176715,0.0,0.0,0.13335938416829154,0.0,0.1268244300690045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521435583596375,0.15219943868261812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051753051506187,0.11102203609638757,0.0,0.0,0.14586257295406654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441721186430682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182359418007962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675160111993154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203487635253627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626776801643975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271224682556158,0.17535369316470795,0.10033545962616283,0.1935436820312679,0.0,0.0,0.08806491045564747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253724727172167,0.0,0.14753118636395973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987800171868955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945125463820977
bpd,issac113,2019/03/15,"I'm fucking scared of myself... I've broke I'm fucking scared, I'm not doing too well, I'm hungry everyday, I have very little money, I'm completely unstable... I can't even afford treatment. I'm thinking about ending my life at this point because all of my hopes and dreams are destroyed. All I have left is my girlfriend, but she's moving away in August for college. I'm going to be all alone now, my parents don't talk to me, I'm a broken guy. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm very, very interested in ending my life however I know I'll be too much of a baby to deal with the pain, maybe I'll just get drunk before I do it.",2.3398529411764706,3.2084179852941186,4.5507647058823535,86.65894117647059,75.02941176470588,6.910588235294116,24.62941176470588,7.1686216300943375,0.9681111764705884,490,15,107,5,10,171,82,136,0.18,0.758,0.062,-0.9279999999999999,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,2,3,0,12,6,0,0,3,12,29,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,2,1,2,4,7,1,0,0,0,14,3,14,27,4,14,0,1,0,2,6,7,2,1,5,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567260811218268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863952979578225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028976250100154,0.0,0.0,0.09751147887160194,0.0,0.13611605945462565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771733441497652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649140152206392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833580785998136,0.0,0.0,0.1056535314676147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957649722223424,0.0835736528463623,0.0,0.09091021061960623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838773772569936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588785684304988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582209515483624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737994098696398,0.0,0.2259720799952481,0.0,0.16032415861064098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070354093903816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001451467462553,0.11759063028536285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021107026224766,0.0,0.1776191046298054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121599338113234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203001569054702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285715656265581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249732556718608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959567290507144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382523802656996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lvdancer101,2019/03/15,"Sometimes we need reminders, today I need them. Do you have any to add? 1. You are incharge of your own happiness. 
2. You can't control everything.
3. You can't predict doomsday.
4. You love yourself. 
5. You love your friends and family. 
6. The love you too.
7. That scary feeling will pass.
8. Take action, don't be reactive.
9. ...
",-1.4945394736842132,-1.8001051249999982,0.8424342105263172,95.02230263157897,139.3125,3.847368421052632,22.11842105263158,5.750287758089431,0.7747625000000005,248,12,50,4,19,82,50,64,0.04,0.662,0.298,0.9669,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,9,1,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,0,7,15,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,12,5,2,13,1,3,0,0,0,3,15,0,0,0,1,27,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314311357082856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690730107404498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156104666923925,0.0,0.2261603716760165,0.0,0.12130279481385794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534942492386114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25538253027926355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6495688440080657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557719163660516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23727143308239715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803781361241444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274011734162773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saiintmercy,2019/03/15,"Struggling with not ending relationship over 1 small thing. Hi everybody!

How do you all deal with the feelings of “I have to get out of this relationship”, even if you love that person? I feel like I’m making progress, but an incident happened that I’m struggling to reconcile in my relationship (that probably isn’t a huge deal, but nonetheless, it is to me). 

I never know if it’s the BPD or a real need of mine to leave? ",4.326666666666668,5.579760481927714,5.585722891566267,79.65440763052213,70.68674698795179,9.388755020080325,29.49598393574297,9.725611199111238,2.734198393574297,332,13,66,8,6,111,59,83,0.083,0.7979999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.4501,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,2,2,19,14,6,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,2,12,14,1,7,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,3,3,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222605192665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638136872951576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627772336745502,0.0,0.0,0.11654012791927125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784315873708374,0.12605220211654447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218512678283046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602955607739427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696944898931116,0.0,0.0,0.18682956916284726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620201789963576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924832306468542,0.0,0.11777827574324183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308315852832831,0.13608510911667954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540647956949533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023733990902725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200832813856908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5683070555811195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689168355626677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722208649863865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chiensomniac,2019/03/15,"I'm so tired of getting yelled at for things I can't control. Why am I always the bad guy? Why do I have to apologize again and again for things beyond my control? Is she gaslighting me or am I officially insane? I'm exhausted you guys. If you want to keep reading I have to warn you, I'm struggling to even hold my phone right now, so thing may get a little incoherent. 

This morning I woke up, and I was immediately hit by shame and anger over something that happened six months ago. 

My SO and I just had a baby (that's another whole chapter for a later post) and her parents came to live with us for a week because her dad was helping with some renovation work around the house. The thing is, in my (apparently wrong) opinion they behaved like complete assholes.

Completely ignoring me, leaving their untrained dog to shit everywhere in the garden and terrify my cat, eating dinner without me when I was putting my son to bed, this kind of things. Also her father appointed himself construction manager and I somehow ended up doing all the plumbing by myself. 

Of course when I mentioned it (in private) to my SO, everything was in my head, her parents loved me (yeah right) and I was overreacting. You guys know the drill. Eventually by the third day I was in a state of constant splitting on everybody but the cat, only finding a little comfort when I managed to snatch my son from my MIL's claws and cuddle with him for five minutes. Long story short at the end of the week I was given an ultimatum, I had to apologize to her father for my behavior, otherwise I'd see my son on weekends if you know what I mean. I was completely shocked. 
She was willing to give up 15 years together and leave with our four months son because I hurt her daddy's feelings. So I fucking apologized because what the fuck else could I possibly do? 

But I still can't let go. I was the one feeling angry and depressed and lonely. I was the one nobody gave a shit about. I was the one crying, having panic attacks, I was the one who couldn't sleep, I was the one who tripled down on benzos and prozac and weed just so I could weld two fucking pipes together without shaking.

But yet somehow I'm the asshole and I should be sorry. But I can't. I'm used to it, it's not my first meltdown. Usually after a while I'm able to take a step back, understand what my brain did wrong and apologize if necessary, but not this time. I just don't see it. And now this morning I learn that apparently, the whole dinner alone thing is a lie.
But I distinctly remember coming out of my son's room to an almost empty table, multiple times.
Or maybe it's just in my head, we ate together and I somehow erased it from my memory. Honestly at this point I don't know, I guess anything is possible with my fucked up brain.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get this out and I don't know where else to post this...
Thank you for reading, I'll probably delete this soon... ",4.036106552455672,5.366912123924268,5.135300804547093,82.31071488612255,71.47848537005163,8.227370612016172,29.690629628147143,8.70740988407696,2.3040925509346346,2308,94,452,41,43,761,277,581,0.147,0.8029999999999999,0.049,-0.9957,5,3,1,0,0,0,69.0,3,6,2,4,31,27,8,4,31,1,43,20,7,3,2,83,84,41,0,9,20,10,2,1,0,3,3,1,3,3,28,30,4,5,11,4,0,6,11,21,0,11,22,5,82,6,67,53,5,71,0,3,2,6,46,30,6,13,32,328,110,6,0.06765356911179125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997080703482454,0.0,0.06774527692764802,0.07006869435091018,0.0,0.05410253477613817,0.0562931891154347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094066603707028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567312292133178,0.06022601989907798,0.0,0.07696570165101142,0.0,0.05202141864136749,0.056487904316876024,0.12372296337846607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510475150148164,0.0,0.07737765994743158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582775593334069,0.21280044015208965,0.07310947383910045,0.15175846091723988,0.1080317398294877,0.0,0.07431426890243456,0.04363095523697565,0.0,0.05826991994223987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922649093340692,0.11303175175304628,0.0,0.11984196317973896,0.0,0.0,0.044684544342331683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080266559035901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841535461045571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061834136520432036,0.057546091325647836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250178537955048,0.10603859268845944,0.06489946815204366,0.038449082403342966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745280337074617,0.20096300969897146,0.05982582773621389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886415992771822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045346761299601634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806313541294475,0.0724245449785705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013360072029239,0.0,0.07045078141822506,0.1487225291606301,0.0,0.0,0.14327072257032372,0.0,0.06918035808635077,0.0,0.03305211655424816,0.13561329896067206,0.05973934099655578,0.11974255946054133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061059987495081465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796710343053038,0.07369457008614066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800086682466628,0.0,0.0,0.05016426426113167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292190465914008,0.051453587896098836,0.0,0.07937688657691043,0.1502425644770542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639544903766906,0.15253846807599006,0.1943802541058773,0.0,0.07294199004673024,0.0,0.0,0.06801052299852316,0.0,0.0,0.1353437542568074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663830552854843,0.11555155673729657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782227088995414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889083297068405,0.0,0.0,0.06770242771030624,0.0,0.0,0.05208302275659435,0.0,0.15146526348273376,0.0,0.0,0.054028227684354384,0.0,0.0,0.07072619960032989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086706438150658,0.0,0.0,0.06228631689446835,0.0,0.0,0.2696761509826467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889868040935287,0.07775782545194422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660877065741471,0.0704297513766358,0.08137891367722758,0.058430961979556426,0.07451084835238743,0.0,0.03990382790566878,0.0,0.10853522468219606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209364656772685,0.15106558773015166,0.0,0.1304312528010461,0.0,0.049252604063503305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479371147770791,0.0,0.043566680398601336
bpd,treeforkstreetcar,2019/03/15,"Everything is crashing I’m going through a lot right now... Some family sickness and on top of that I’m going through a breakup. It has totally turned my world upside down. She meant the absolute world to me and now my world is gone. I have tried to handle this breakup rationally but she kind of ghosted me. She won’t tell me why we broke up.. She, along with her friends, have given me a million reasons and I can’t figure out if any of them are true. It just leads to a lot of overthinking that starts off with the relationship but then spreads along to every possible thing i’ve ever done to anyone. It’s overwhelming and I can’t even hide how much I want to die these days. I post about it on social media, tell my friends, etc. I don’t know if I will ever actually go through with it but life is so incredibly hard right now. Everything I’ve once known just isn’t there anymore and it’s making me feel like I’m not even a human being. ",2.3299420908259663,4.1680345025906735,3.6335019811033256,89.23300822919843,77.03108808290156,7.028223102712588,24.306309052118262,7.928766900206844,1.1954915574519962,741,25,160,12,17,242,114,193,0.071,0.8340000000000001,0.095,0.5489,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,1,2,13,7,0,1,7,0,15,2,0,4,4,37,30,13,2,3,8,0,2,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,6,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,4,2,22,5,25,23,6,26,0,2,0,0,14,12,0,5,9,111,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.14439212792914438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006210175872446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674114677093011,0.10346030477524766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954249410500276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356391810955605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514191815851391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650196673662467,0.1954584760546678,0.2676849453402431,0.12466657656924796,0.0,0.265962124740624,0.0,0.13948787808362206,0.0,0.07481535924621216,0.1057059562612707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286342014301767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522751153514038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254723902594062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408238548179226,0.08131748721110435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045117890837214,0.07228804083333189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25158846247953176,0.0,0.0,0.0987675348403052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877102295880214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757749448988534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680788037935512,0.14170920766840753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152132275953632,0.0,0.15885863092574684,0.0,0.2527219592146561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508312995603039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473012175424222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586552046755166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830112080726312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045826638814194,0.16094302075149233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727336829751321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351505786463536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crowfoot_,2019/03/15,DAE get scheduled upswings? Does anyone else have a specific time of day you get an upswing or just feel really great? For me it's always between 3-5am while my bad moodswings can happen any time during the day.,4.817723577235771,6.270732073170732,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,69.73170731707317,7.417886178861789,28.300813008130078,7.793537801064563,1.7795788617886172,169,6,31,2,3,53,38,41,0.079,0.8140000000000001,0.107,0.3078,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24395495969891925,0.0,0.0,0.1993771230756812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500307404202728,0.300404592024969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24479878716484915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37816254839054175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25656980268945256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449200061047183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148244089018975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30635607388544595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232395554372857,0.0,0.0,0.25926417784599953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878230142054384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341919239290072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CompleteUsual,2019/03/15,"How can I react when he asks for space/says hurtful things? Hello. I’ve attached an imgur album of a text I received from my bf. He has BPD. I love him dearly but am finding the push pull and hurtful things he says are beginning to take a toll on me. 
He will tell me:
He doesn’t love me
Call me names
Trigger panic attacks in me then ignore me or get angry 
Gets angry when I cry

Can anybody tell me what is going on in his head? I’ll be the first to admit I don’t understand. 

And does anyone have any tips on constructively telling him how I feel? He never wants to hear it. He will tell me I’m wrong/manipulative or selfish. I wish he would be more thoughtful, like he hasn’t written me a letter or gotten me a card once in our year together, but will critique and rip apart ones I wrote to him. 

Thank you so much in advance. [texts](https://imgur.com/a/gAoz4qs)",1.7643569292123649,3.8138599322033926,3.070588235294121,91.592482552343,79.62146892655367,5.520638085742772,22.276171485543365,6.522977012572876,0.4002538384845469,676,21,144,6,17,219,113,177,0.18,0.687,0.133,-0.9059,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,2,6,11,1,1,7,0,16,3,1,4,1,24,36,14,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,0,5,4,6,0,2,4,3,25,5,14,26,2,20,0,2,0,2,32,8,0,3,8,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972566181462815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000009699375145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337018006739308,0.16270274154105696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801251899558331,0.0,0.1460365783257195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709770750704932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515533850171456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231380679863167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307151538527691,0.12165037962116595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944119583549684,0.0,0.0812799855333964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467769346434499,0.0,0.16119080820327356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062057973903277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698709926857408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581572609825446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513411709548906,0.0,0.11030370164652413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523086784206137,0.09691217384843544,0.0,0.0,0.16779990026748665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274660772725446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753115545602004,0.0,0.5000134380645329,0.13167104699670956,0.0,0.0,0.19002858048844504,0.0,0.0,0.11353970249438562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888597634038575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435526551390211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446275211718034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159533419112808,0.1563668857268741,0.0,0.09209840472626048
bpd,whatisyouarembp,2019/03/15,"I hate BPD I just don’t want to be alive anymore. 
I’m in a great place in life but I’m just not happy. ",-4.050000000000002,-2.713140230769227,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,105.15384615384615,2.6,10.346153846153848,3.1291,-2.3078153846153846,78,1,24,0,4,28,20,26,0.23600000000000002,0.5589999999999999,0.205,-0.4305,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543791784850564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500494975586277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939618508623036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803885469788965,0.0,0.3527932154949279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523954785177526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373337837321641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076477349039915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway175938,2019/03/15,"Could trauma during adolescence cause bpd in adult life? Basically I had a good childhood never abused or anything by my parents the only bad memories I have are punishments like “go to your room,” “sit on the naughty step for so long.” My dad did slap me but I always deserved and he never slapped me hard enough to properly mark me if you know what I mean. 

From the age of about 13/14 though I’ve been through a lot of trauma; lost a lot of close family was diagnosed with “severe depression”, was in a relationship (a toxic one at that) with another person diagnosed with depression which just made it a whole lot worse.  Nearly 2 years go by with this person and we break up and she says she hasn’t loved me for about a year, now I was crazy in love with this person thought she was my soul mate and everything I know I know stupid teenage love haha but anyway still she actually really scarred me with that, I had a feeling but every time I asked her during that year she’d say yes every time and get mad about me being “paranoid.”

Anyway basically I didn’t deal with the breakup at all apart from burning photos, I just turned to drugs spice to be exact I got hooked on it (again had been twice before) while in college I’m UK so for you USA folk I think that’s high school? Got in with what I thought was a good group of friends and we all smoked spice and had a good laugh for months, then these “friends” just ditched me out of nowhere stopped answering my calls and ignored messages and I was still going through bad abandonment issues from the breakup it sent me crazy, eventually one of them replied to one of my messages I asked if they did actually like me or not and if not just tell me kind of thing he responded with something like “don’t be stupid course we do” then carried on ignoring me all of them did, including a good friend from years back I found out from a friend they were saying “who’s throwaway”when I’d call and shit. This has also scarred me. 

During my spice addiction I was kicked out of college (around the time my so called friends ditched me) I’m now 20 and my life’s been a mess since. I have made another post here and said there my best friend thinks I have bpd he learnt as much as he could for his then girlfriend and I agree but it’s just the childhood trauma part, if not bpd what could it be?

Sorry for the format I’m on mobile and thanks for reading the massive load of text if you did ",3.5779294628323406,5.133706470103097,3.8152604449267535,90.44163185024418,72.95876288659794,7.249593054801951,25.340477482365703,7.85451343220497,1.1700103092783505,1918,61,409,26,38,593,229,485,0.14400000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.9558,1,0,3,0,2,0,27.0,3,4,4,2,24,38,5,0,22,2,36,10,1,3,6,81,67,37,0,8,19,2,2,3,8,0,6,4,1,4,19,32,0,4,11,1,0,5,8,17,0,4,30,9,61,21,63,29,11,54,1,4,0,3,57,21,1,10,28,270,80,4,0.0,0.0845404414695876,0.13925850063847162,0.0777842018620294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570601612204391,0.05937057218908829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963756718274396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587166087999559,0.06351839926402908,0.13340895907266434,0.0,0.0,0.0548652765877722,0.11915186379575232,0.0,0.0,0.06071528880200984,0.0,0.0748795122194333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695960036474557,0.0,0.21857508054601588,0.0,0.0,0.07329814930608937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090627593793972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735607694032454,0.12291073015206395,0.14484153731822172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274565650700719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737256800295295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023425917847792,0.0,0.06412656847916315,0.0,0.06726430671033272,0.0,0.03607771040838437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823377499855197,0.3307582263224013,0.0,0.03727847021972661,0.0,0.12165294194387645,0.23938665826032798,0.11413341025520975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391736874872918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538729571878729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447294050916002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430211842131325,0.11763956429394233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007960423852552,0.10457693565000636,0.0,0.0,0.06314426649359113,0.0,0.0,0.07788912660229047,0.1819827328815528,0.1931938722466658,0.13502995772477044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777232354747407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056952478275385826,0.0,0.05245192306324548,0.0,0.11006210794731462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504986659962474,0.054266404205821586,0.0,0.0,0.07922794178410635,0.07726725277667404,0.0,0.0,0.18690541843325667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683354836222517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137129960756497,0.0,0.04570991234373144,0.0,0.0,0.07660533532359769,0.0,0.0,0.06787208264047427,0.1702259007001688,0.0,0.0722120239354626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060744000574906,0.07324179314463168,0.05902310407583303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493024841878218,0.0,0.07987271196610267,0.0,0.0,0.1139635839570142,0.059653459193918075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236478487789344,0.06569132663620113,0.0,0.0,0.04740309215963033,0.09143894920525264,0.07010296863364247,0.1132910211144926,0.12481775880369182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776104766912138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966194954089839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271377434080557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379337069286056
bpd,greenhouselimpbizkit,2019/03/15,"Looking for articles to help my other half understand A lot of the articles I'm finding are wording like ""are you trapped in the relationship"", and just I feel making me out to be a monster.. maybe I am I don't know, just feel like people view bpd as really evil, like I'm doing all these things on purpose

My biggest problem is my insecurity and separation anxiety and I'll sit here and think about his past and make myself angry :-( 

Has anyone come across any good articles they've shared with their SO's or anyone",4.950721357850071,6.075510861386143,6.159915134370582,76.59792079207921,69.09900990099011,9.335785007072136,30.270155586987272,9.606745405546679,2.8233977369165486,411,16,77,9,7,138,78,101,0.184,0.6809999999999999,0.135,-0.7645,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,5,8,1,1,4,0,8,0,0,2,1,23,19,8,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,4,11,5,11,18,2,8,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,2,4,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724772148081589,0.0,0.165644740732197,0.0,0.0,0.30280540799852124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27271176304323963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652129082915125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189679938631418,0.15468896637749774,0.0,0.0,0.19790435792127575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816149629629896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451353925811127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899914148650373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173566385509195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183053753349,0.0,0.0,0.18408593323383848,0.0,0.0,0.28907070928600204,0.0,0.21753333548602893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670224038024693,0.1501145326631654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718982114158388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871456492484166,0.0,0.0,0.2324720222700607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438528093330952,0.1387435832386885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254152076683809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,514123,2019/03/15,"in a relationship but still not ""over"" an ex. hello! I just want to preface this with I do not officially have a bpd diagnosis and I do not claim to have it. I do highly suspect based on a long time researching that I might, but I have yet to book an appointment with anyone to discuss it.

I'm posting this here because I've seen semi similar posts addressing this feeling, and I want to know how those here with bpd feel on this/about this. 

alright now onto my question/situation!!

I've been in a relationship with my current partner for nearly 2 years now. I very very very much love them, I have no doubts about that, and yet I'm still extremely angry about the last relationship I was in before this one. it isn't that I still LOVE my ex, but that after almost 3 or 4 years I'm still absolutely livid over the last few months of the relationship. 

My salt isn't something that affects the relationship (other than trust issues I had even before that person) but its kind of concerning to me that even after all these years I'm still mad about something that I feel like I should be over.

there's a lot of people in my life I hold grudges like this towards, who I see as people I hate even when I've stepped back to realize why they did what they did. does anyone else here have issues similar? like, the feeling of dragging on a grudge for far too long but feeling unable to release it? ",4.529437583127496,5.476878592057762,5.346330989929701,82.69874026220788,69.93862815884475,8.286452593577808,27.936348090442713,8.532816995589336,1.861877978339349,1098,37,222,17,19,358,141,277,0.121,0.7659999999999999,0.113,-0.8161,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,0,24,11,2,1,13,1,18,3,0,2,1,36,35,12,0,3,10,2,5,3,1,2,1,0,1,2,24,7,0,1,8,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,6,8,26,8,38,26,4,41,0,0,2,2,17,15,0,5,26,158,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245670851577507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912073099401494,0.09460458263243138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099726147756122,0.0,0.05628445494932253,0.0,0.15713469439513014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232576706126607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079996026659751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713116101082614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295235087007647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23342802576399105,0.06596167666684691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115828864239073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755335029926444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274029620075184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614909935714036,0.05074300435371554,0.1505250706411628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521650324391344,0.13532559218921952,0.0,0.0,0.16342102976123293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849698069125878,0.16666565469468558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794918187993308,0.0,0.0,0.07369816108452569,0.0,0.06787431192048554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256624679414616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280221401487487,0.08062034671935743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685620125009585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034324653400908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.495647644630471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357628991485421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216267382801606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686804693389352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053839268416288166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285495916586535,0.1089190790164848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331486122933981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783754699939608
bpd,mcicalo,2019/03/15,"I used to want to be numb. Now I just want to feel. I haven't been able to feel anything in months.

I finally did get sober, though. 17 days ago now. I was assuming I'd be able to feel by now. I used to feel emotions so intensely. 

​

Does anybody have any advice on how to feel again? please. im desperate..",-1.231363636363639,0.7383476818181833,0.8742424242424249,99.48136363636364,102.48484848484848,4.8242424242424224,18.12121212121212,6.574015621080383,0.048957575757575984,241,8,57,4,11,79,42,66,0.04,0.879,0.081,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,0,12,17,3,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,6,0,10,12,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,8,31,6,0,0.36718395045468505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794039533784872,0.16274320873312653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892182845490855,0.2230843450442994,0.1248488387916806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510805525620157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840163583647535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066257472593595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651626132646173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641480949828959,0.0,0.0,0.20111603495670075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959192295769502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831083778665348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654136305685192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015288571641806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037818351349189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171290403477277,0.0,0.0,0.21657460738628906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230843450442994,0.0
bpd,7rashbin,2019/03/15,"I am lost I am 22. Almost 23. I was in a relationship on and off for the last 6 years. My mental health was declining rapidly, she got tired of it(so i tell myself) and she left me. It hit me really hard. 

I occasionally think about suicide(though it never feels like i’ll actually get to that point right now). It feels like I lost a lot of who I was when she broke up with me. I have been having crazy mood swings  throughout my days, even at work when I should be focused. It’s been about three weeks since it happened which is why I’m a little more concerned now.
Usually I can handle my problems but it’s been very hard having so many things go on in my head lately, have some issues at home and have my girlfriend, my support system, pull away so quickly and effortlessly..
I don’t really have any friends to talk to about this kind of stuff, and my relationship with my parents has always been very dysfunctional.

It’s left me kind of hopeless but I’m slowly trying to piece myself back together.",3.8776549413735353,5.2815740854271365,4.763899497487441,84.53717252931325,71.96482412060301,7.517721943048577,24.321943048576216,8.021203637495839,1.2175082747068675,789,22,160,11,15,256,123,199,0.111,0.838,0.051,-0.6946,1,0,0,0,1,2,23.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,0,0,4,0,21,3,1,0,1,18,34,11,0,2,2,1,4,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,13,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,10,4,28,6,23,21,4,30,0,4,0,0,11,14,0,3,15,111,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.12165877229387552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483780220136495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037344347353109,0.0,0.0,0.08477906408188478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713044836300432,0.09586261751533298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040106715553544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234257148323079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607258976176175,0.17812684177917154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963188113137144,0.0,0.06513430633149915,0.0,0.07085215621775086,0.0,0.0997090339598707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102442146253648,0.0,0.22335752789448285,0.0,0.1279461633054472,0.13251711244980008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505297865755285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301218449131606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596467566296306,0.0,0.1016217173242858,0.14063184489562816,0.0,0.2709060479501497,0.0,0.0,0.1218137640249792,0.12495089664780497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721814603498348,0.10598896182063136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639460312225134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563683540470466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615226982594098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842995701710448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785231947699094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929121175545715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973206064701076,0.0,0.0,0.2676952862166573,0.0,0.10646648030855754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312732574194827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271595767892087,0.0,0.1414726852024561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020406498727304,0.108966032634709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282441601243075,0.0798827378519101,0.12248647025528694,0.0,0.0,0.1432884545404586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464193672351589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730507823306318,0.2057296448951393,0.0,0.0,0.10000179735944804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249420765187514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907603765580361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028262451387251
bpd,Bulukiya,2019/03/15,"I overslept and didn't go to uni, my dad comes home, my mum tells him and he starts hitting me. I feel like shit, what do? I'm a 19 year old male, first year med science. Recently I've gotten along with my dad but then this happened. How can I feel better? What should I do? ",-0.5311380145278441,1.5174654745762732,1.0971428571428596,102.20881355932205,89.16949152542372,4.049394673123486,16.90314769975787,5.288315135182226,-0.9206581113801456,209,5,52,1,7,67,46,59,0.040999999999999995,0.85,0.109,0.5913,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,0,10,14,5,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,9,2,3,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,0,8,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24144439211054575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351634541674437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760718069238464,0.19502970139877765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221181128319895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551509557188284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141107588920116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738390782995633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333729481012491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032390416644369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864652951463019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695524184122115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802283452428009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322926631213044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23861213273744486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35160329863955586
bpd,SaTan_luvs_CaTs,2019/03/15,"Do I tell my new job? First time posting here, long time BPD brain 🧠, diagnosed in the past year. 

I had my dream job in a dream environment with kind, generous people and I lost that job on the other day. 
I’ve lost lots of jobs before but I always felt a bit of relief. This time I’m really sad & disappointed & embarrassed with myself. 
I’m realizing what a big part my BPD has played in my inability to hold down jobs in the past. 

My relationships with others is also greatly affected by my BPD & I’m working on working on that.  
I’m actually in a supportive healthy relationship for a few years now. He’s been something I’ve never experienced as far as love, patience & understanding from a man. I want to give him the same trust, love & support he gives me. 
I’m fortunate to have other support. My sisters, a gf who’s BPD and learned DBT. She’s been a great support and had recommended the program. I went to my intake the day before I was let go. My orientation is tomorrow. 

 I did get a new job today. I’m nervous about managing the therapy and a big transition  with work. 
I’ll be working with more people & the move will likely affect my income for the first bit. I also find it really hard to be fake about the reality of the situation but have to learn to separate personal/professional chit chat.  I have a bad case of TMI verbal diarrhoea. Change in general is stressful for me which I know is bound to trigger BPD behaviours or the need for mental health days/breaks
I’ll be meeting with my new boss early next week to finalize things & likely starting beginning of next month. I’m also still at my job I was let go from & still wish to maintain a good relationship with everyone there. I’ll be doing group DBT & prob some one on one counselling during all of this.

One of the owners works in mental health care so I’d hope if I’m honest about my BPD & active treatment they will be understanding 
So...
Do I tell my new job? What if they ask about the time I need off for my treatments or I need a mental health day?  

TLDR
I lost a great job the other day. I got a new job I start in a few weeks. I start DBT tomorrow. Do I tell my new job about my mental health I’m actively treating & will need some scheduled & possibly some unscheduled time off?


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bpd,WalrusEggb,2019/03/15,"Thinking about my ex-boyfriend pisses me off. He was horrible to me during our relationship. He lied about so many things, and it completely destroyed my trust in people. He raped me and it fucked me up. I feel like everyone is talking about me. I don't get anything out of dating anymore. It doesn't make me happy. How could anyone trust another person?

He got revenge on me through the courts system, and I feel like now I have all this baggage because I reacted to his lies in a way any normal person with emotions would act. And I told his friends about him raping me, and he used that as grounds to get a restraining order against me. It sucks. All he cares about is what other people think of him.

It's been a few months, and I should be over it, but when I think about it I still get mad. Honestly, if I had god-powers and could eliminate him from humanity, I would. He's a shitbag.

My insurance got screwed up, so now I can't afford to go to therapy anymore, and it sucks because I really need to be in therapy. I know it's not normal to be this angry. But I have nothing to stop me from feeling this way. And I'm ashamed to talk about it with my friends because it's been so long since the break-up.",3.098684210526315,4.453428410569106,4.281424903722723,87.427567394095,73.83739837398375,7.455370132648696,27.58151476251605,8.032893268588372,1.6438243902439031,943,36,199,14,19,309,131,246,0.175,0.731,0.094,-0.9691,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,0,15,19,9,1,6,0,19,5,1,4,2,39,41,18,0,9,4,0,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,3,18,12,0,2,7,0,0,2,4,10,0,0,7,3,35,9,34,26,3,24,0,0,0,4,22,10,5,1,10,136,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301956448213432,0.12801303266875708,0.0,0.0,0.2421439653195455,0.08536218028388108,0.0,0.10046262181378443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232591352408044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447016277899095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800006549548673,0.0,0.0,0.19494418945585087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732518651942768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665404610332987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851841302184064,0.17443000801237565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886396329871744,0.11286232263285385,0.1913475385596673,0.0,0.06938169482664397,0.0,0.19527935732547366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995796130202708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709276585474729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928564848882475,0.0,0.0,0.10803823133019956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814903081287821,0.12377141712683365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744423942859176,0.0,0.0,0.09052183970627993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922777863207034,0.11714043272653644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927179583907906,0.21319360626995776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820849553104603,0.0,0.0,0.13106977716905405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098702742264816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749439442784703,0.1020655489709943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962488716919072,0.0,0.0,0.2792215286911917,0.0,0.08110548306121672,0.23467456893723165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665404610332987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543916575081493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380512680229836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344630234373049,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deepbreathsdontwork,2019/03/15,"Felt Alive For the First Time in Years. Now I'm Heartbroken about me: 20 year old guy recently diagnosed with bpd. Have struggled for years and years.

​

Long story short I met the most amazing person in my life two days ago. For the past 2 days we hung out all day and night. We just connected in a way I haven't connected with anyone since I was a middle schooler. In this world where I feel like an alien in a human suit trying to play the part, she let me take the human suit off. The only way I can explain it is that she was so special. She's from Texas. I live in LA. She's moving her next fall. But I just saw her for the last time until then. I am absolutely crushed. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up but of course I did. And also I'm 99.9% sure she likes me only as a friend. I just haven't felt this way in so long and am heartbroken and have a final project to do for tomorrow cause I blew off doing it to be with her. I can't even begin to give a fuck about it at this point. Grateful just to have met her and felt all that good shit again but now its back to being the only alien. Time to put the human suit back on I guess.  I feel like dying. ",0.7251427622841966,2.500115848605581,2.310263944223109,97.12656457503323,81.74900398406375,5.458233731739708,17.231241699867198,6.42735559955562,-0.4582391766268259,902,17,217,8,24,294,138,251,0.092,0.784,0.125,0.7528,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,0,1,16,13,2,1,16,0,19,4,1,1,3,34,38,15,1,2,7,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,5,9,12,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,3,0,2,10,6,32,10,34,24,4,54,0,0,1,1,21,18,2,3,33,140,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809644974396832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849750146945415,0.0,0.11990377540118655,0.134468174817606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737844023121462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018668687915128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937671058433365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136818217331002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410626366258148,0.0,0.0,0.11232104753557763,0.11485116426947015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309214891612617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190950609290856,0.15811594671820434,0.3187627287511346,0.12122637355754902,0.0,0.09413025328157053,0.0,0.0,0.08549828810483544,0.102306553759047,0.05781707241071605,0.10615844159459628,0.0,0.09281923100128103,0.0,0.0,0.12190823960156805,0.10957418982141404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991375131518964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020546191336584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316085035084936,0.0781648502064611,0.16219367976553065,0.0,0.09771783225133923,0.19586729855934973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761770810576015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769180857310035,0.10385012837806724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612264957364912,0.0,0.0,0.25249356555759833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983770585097857,0.1056407615612942,0.0,0.09662703474522237,0.0,0.0,0.10461270677073004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124730816964816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926678224329037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359441610061087,0.09154192921929116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156894400411654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429896897865476,0.0,0.08320512381676105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358620019438294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513320184328318,0.0,0.10810208678499758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635184288446479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134468174817606,0.2850544713697918
bpd,thefeeltrain,2019/03/15,"I hate that I'm not ""severe"" enough to get proper help It seems like it's worse to be passively suicidal than actively suicidal. I basically get punished for holding myself back. It's like the war going on inside my head doesn't really matter just because nobody can see it even though this downward spiral is just as destructive, only slower and more painful as a result. Actively suicidal people get hotlines, textlines, can be hospitalized, etc. 

It's almost as if they want you to make an attempt just so you can get help without having to wait a month for an appointment. In my experience once you *finally* even get to see a doctor they just give you pills (that don't even do anything) and shove you out the door without actually listening. It's already hard enough for me to use the energy to find a doctor and then make the call for the appointment once, but here I am having to do it again and again.

And they wonder why people with BPD feel alienated. Maybe it's because we are. Invisible suffering just isn't good enough.",5.933716640502354,6.9861471989795945,6.60530612244898,74.55947409733125,66.8061224489796,10.112401883830456,30.89324960753532,10.214889679676881,3.235912558869701,825,31,146,20,13,271,115,196,0.16,0.775,0.065,-0.961,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,5,3,1,14,9,4,0,11,0,15,5,1,4,0,31,35,13,4,2,10,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,11,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,0,5,16,3,22,33,5,11,0,1,2,0,14,4,0,4,8,103,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.10819224158437732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101938150425278,0.0,0.12234680091914632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912358167749109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852514888780592,0.0,0.13516953993039044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963574131598433,0.0,0.11320973973024973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22695842896088564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436722303409788,0.12364834547367935,0.21968397063236794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084512469400103,0.0,0.0,0.056058744599707264,0.0,0.0,0.1214516720030807,0.10133234232224764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896226253634137,0.1063557363842484,0.06300946045853564,0.0929917349527426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931693030435797,0.1094602759121327,0.11378367502097506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862643186415692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833007712635237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801196080965634,0.0,0.11138290560907786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849465217776842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361439310663337,0.0,0.08432094108199435,0.11797253166830887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372533855387918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102557985932341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669662549864631,0.10093105819895856,0.0,0.1252505173129935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36381837846086107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089283208338342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957552991715858,0.0,0.0,0.06539346349518707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004211173292832,0.0,0.0,0.2137476983120468,0.12023280186106708,0.0,0.0,0.11298507744839202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,klhazecool,2019/03/15,"Worrying about undeleted messages Throwaway account for reasons. (They know my main account).

Long story short, said some rather bad things to someone. They blocked me, now I can't see the message history on discord to delete what I wrote because I closed the convo on my name and they changed their name so I couldn't find them. I don't think they would post what I said publically to tar my name but I'm very scared about it due to the fact I have a public presence of sorts.

I regret what I said, but I think I regret being caught attached to what I said more.

What can I do? How can I move on when the fear of being outed as a shit tier person haunts me?

Stupid post, I know. :(",3.709927007299272,4.872246598540151,4.050810218978104,90.42147080291971,72.06569343065694,6.647883211678832,26.10875912408759,6.742157984588678,0.8928662773722622,532,17,113,4,10,166,84,137,0.27399999999999997,0.726,0.0,-0.9903,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,6,0,7,7,2,2,6,0,10,1,1,2,1,25,22,7,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,7,3,0,1,6,0,2,2,3,7,0,0,6,5,26,0,15,12,3,14,0,2,1,0,19,6,1,2,4,75,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096142412283286,0.10291386168085864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859395901650693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997452333892065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430255465720566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556308437316926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940438943340467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794337492307102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741106080549654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32337444946819266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357972637164254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6423631236576545,0.0,0.1690227982673264,0.0,0.13453128630464248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329594583052207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430444696930011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215951082563916,0.21635187381311086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929791144140471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144949709864896,0.0,0.1199280966658291,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trans_unclesam,2019/03/15,"I no longer have a giant emotional relationship taking up my time/energy and I don't know what to do with myself ​

Hey y'all. So, as the title of this posts suggests, I usually have at least one relationship in my life that I dedicate almost all my time and energy to (family members, friends, romantic partners) and about 2 months ago I broke up with my partner and I haven't really had that kind of relationship with anyone since then and while that's probably beneficial, because at least for me those relationships  were often toxic to me in some way. For a bunch of other reasons I don't really think I'm in a good place to be in any kind of high emotional investment relationship with someone right now so I was like ""okay I guess I'll focus on myself then that seems to be the thing that people do when they are single"" but I have no idea what that looks like because I don't even know who I am. I am just so confused about what I'm supposed to be doing or even how to get to a place where there is a self to spend time on. I would greatly apperciate it if y'all had any thoughts/suggestions/advice. Thank you!!",4.284933628318584,5.3897719513274325,5.582466814159293,80.19724004424779,70.63716814159292,9.189823008849556,26.95685840707965,9.516144504307137,2.273425663716813,895,29,179,20,16,300,129,226,0.049,0.843,0.109,0.8241,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,1,0,14,11,0,1,7,1,22,1,0,2,1,27,33,17,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,3,15,9,0,0,6,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,4,1,26,9,32,25,6,28,0,1,1,0,16,16,0,8,12,134,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067804356318026,0.09686403447296857,0.0,0.1094212528420696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839738812376085,0.1327788105996225,0.14861894783528168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640631155952482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322376872278746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458351216259772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434774042880855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301297966197423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442414733644119,0.0,0.0570906991000668,0.0,0.0,0.09165311502025428,0.0,0.12047400897042328,0.12037666963611265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154530588428369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335606031354887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758229403115424,0.12010730640290522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718284162917544,0.1067706611137032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176190606138418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722076794080924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404629928690902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575622792265516,0.0,0.2283343215290468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046534503787405,0.0,0.11781491341796616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000632730500168,0.11235097460831917,0.0,0.5865922236938975,0.0,0.09331865393029584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947815137470233,0.11399570369254185,0.0,0.0,0.09039186036561618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258676642875714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821597927626318,0.0,0.0,0.10060401460591548,0.0,0.0,0.07259621049219217,0.07001780792416935,0.0,0.0,0.1911541184014429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034891208358585,0.0,0.0,0.08673592246029943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762449466291957,0.0,0.1327788105996225,0.0
bpd,prk92,2019/03/15,"I just got diagnosed. Story time. I was hospitalized last year, I was seeing this guy and we hadn’t put a name in it but we said we would be exclusive and boy did I fuck that up. Long story short he found out confronted me and I freaked out and went to the hospital becuz I was going to kill myself. He came up that day and said I still want to be with you but we can’t be doing this ect. Ect. So fast forward a year later our relationship hasn’t been doing well for awhile. I haven’t cheated on him I’m just hard to live with and I’m driving him nuts! He did go stay with a friend Becuz he needed space from me and I threatened to kill myself again. I feel my relationship  swirling out of control. I go to the hospital again tell them everything that’s happened over the last few weeks and that say that they think I have bpd. I borrow a textbook look it up and it’s like this book read my diary. Holy shit my whole life makes sense. I tell my boyfriend and he says he’s at his wits end. His heart want to stay but his head tells him to leave and I’m sitting here thing I’ve successfully destroy a relationship with someone I honestly and truly love. Looking back I see everything I did wrong. I see it all. I want to move forward and try to fix our relationship now that I know what’s wrong and can work on fixing myself but he’s not sure if it’s possible our relationship is fixable. I’m really struggling here. Today is my first day out of the hospital and I don’t know what to do. ",0.6745467032967056,2.910705676282056,2.5231098901098896,92.85046153846157,85.18589743589743,5.873406593406594,19.81172161172161,7.225922671290522,0.39925062271062295,1169,34,262,18,35,387,160,312,0.183,0.716,0.10099999999999999,-0.9858,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,7,1,2,4,11,18,7,1,9,0,23,7,3,2,2,51,53,21,2,6,8,0,2,1,1,1,2,4,0,2,17,28,0,1,5,2,1,10,6,11,1,1,14,11,47,7,31,35,3,46,0,0,5,2,40,16,2,1,22,163,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063778848969983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569956244153624,0.0,0.0,0.1050680069852649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030333499524166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848943255008587,0.0,0.0,0.09324008292603553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136428675312136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651229798706938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644922682460456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813951894494522,0.0,0.10072419560772093,0.0709739416417377,0.08492683932055528,0.0,0.0,0.15662537977793514,0.0,0.07347207737409317,0.0,0.0,0.0909598581001986,0.08123508116888227,0.0,0.08229215006813861,0.0,0.09427902404389484,0.0,0.0,0.1088593484454492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326793392762327,0.0,0.10097216524337413,0.14976293283802333,0.0,0.0972707709824093,0.0,0.0,0.06488629936293175,0.04488013743706922,0.0,0.08111764430955228,0.08129679860040315,0.15428534065689348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829108969825645,0.0,0.0613199705906196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763695316211883,0.0,0.06811603337940188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035629201000522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234874911356816,0.0,0.0,0.09188891553018744,0.0,0.0588504664667786,0.0,0.0,0.4931380838948348,0.0,0.0,0.1747675074687133,0.14610796866989684,0.0,0.0,0.21961127640838268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429713316910328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783611637941136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195829721188154,0.07336275363713238,0.0,0.0,0.09603625695965963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658078543640216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408797015556508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061030396745980924,0.05886277765635621,0.0,0.0,0.0535666696951672,0.0,0.08707638352770418,0.0,0.0,0.06236966378137921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625514007006663,0.0,0.07368780441799078,0.0,0.08259681860460973,0.08515890008435162,0.0,0.10256293765957684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668781267267882,0.0,0.0,0.06525758954034908,0.20087784793877086,0.0,0.11831488012314825
bpd,idkndidc,2019/03/15,"Celebrities/fictional characters with BPD/BPD tendencies? hello! i am looking for celebrities or fictional characters with BPD/BPD tendencies. my reasoning is because i find comfort in being able to relate to someone/something. If you name a fictional character if you could name where it comes from, that’d be great too! ",6.909444444444446,10.096685129629632,6.5405185185185175,67.40633333333335,68.07407407407408,10.986666666666668,40.42962962962963,10.793553405168565,5.879278518518517,263,16,35,9,5,82,40,54,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.8011,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,8,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,7,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,0,25,7,0,0.17531188371903328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686849712904757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.88319672184278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101566464889776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399722738918375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023188567663424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328197070555225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721782889781904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024981461616826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496365305061847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nboyes,2019/03/15,"BPD Mom? I (F23) was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago, but have really only recently began working on accepting my illness. Now that I’m letting myself feel the emotions, be aware, etc., I’m starting to notice some of the “signs” of BPD in my mother. We have always had an unstable relationship (obviously) and I guess I’m just curious if there are any others out there with BPD also living with a family member with BPD? What are your experiences? How do you cope with living with eachother? ",4.851754658385089,6.553888119565219,6.466149068322983,72.11239130434784,69.97826086956522,9.604968944099381,28.360248447204967,9.957137785484203,3.0891161490683228,385,14,65,10,7,132,70,92,0.08199999999999999,0.852,0.067,-0.3421,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,2,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,1,19,16,5,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,8,1,12,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,6,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397912302665394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282602106258812,0.10698952782184452,0.0,0.0,0.08743935471806441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8097150959185909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050680762610806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446360959696508,0.0,0.0,0.14340158325056918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577669727094284,0.12121453691370827,0.0,0.06501431701201804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164624994865627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148258186309436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270784081002516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505922815013084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639009552997395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779149414425352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823721543874989,0.0,0.12695803006673412,0.1380476615384906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910101535973348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360835538993584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280182092816528
bpd,gonegirlyrhusband,2019/03/15,"being cheated on & gaslighted i always see stuff about people with bpd irrationally accusing their partners of cheating, or cheating on their partners & projecting. i have never come close to cheating on anyone i’ve ever dated. 

a few months ago, i accused my fp- my girlfriend of around half a year (who for reference is completely neurotypical) - of cheating on me with her best friend. i cried, i accused, i told her i needed a few hours away from her to clear my mind. she got angry at me she told me that she’d never given me any reason not to trust have complete trust in her, she would never do anything like that to hurt me, it was just my mental illness making me paranoid. i decided that she was right, i was just being crazy. it was my fault. why wouldn’t it be? i’d been told so many times before how girls with bpd are always manipulative and abusive and awful. so obviously, i was wrong. she wasn’t cheating on me.

and then she cheated on me. with that same friend.

i feel like an idiot for ignoring so many red flags just because i thought my bpd brain was getting in the way of reality. i’ve always considered myself pretty high-functioning, but now i’m realizing that i genuinely cant discern what’s real and what isn’t. i feel stupid for letting her make me feel crazy for pointing out the truth. but i also feel crazy for not being able to trust my own instincts in the first place.",3.895119442601197,5.664868631386862,4.8139880557398795,82.73159256801596,72.54014598540147,7.171599203715992,27.053085600530853,7.84624498591911,1.6658671532846707,1111,40,209,15,22,361,148,274,0.233,0.72,0.047,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,2,12,22,9,0,7,1,23,2,1,5,7,48,40,13,0,3,8,0,4,2,5,2,1,0,0,3,12,12,0,1,10,0,0,1,9,13,0,2,14,6,46,9,33,18,5,32,0,1,2,0,24,17,0,1,15,150,58,1,0.1039495751288979,0.12316324856742936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214502639330267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312843767463256,0.2594831212022601,0.2252586424449742,0.0,0.07068927567046862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268395987813281,0.0,0.08554164325327078,0.09253716045444492,0.0,0.0,0.09766404764436658,0.0,0.0,0.06336669617350227,0.0,0.08845343218671599,0.0,0.10908866591863703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927625528423817,0.1160421040323904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954335464913346,0.21797830359844067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418372718308475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402834192957668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024011408173468,0.07426159724219186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841945550197547,0.0,0.0,0.16062236777303288,0.0,0.05430936264435501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831379712049862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982843335138544,0.0,0.0,0.10236939245460733,0.0,0.1112801701117351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062954833684868,0.0,0.1015690234242526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877429716043754,0.2107771072994762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475672252893094,0.0,0.1049594381873059,0.0,0.08297155913109147,0.0,0.0,0.07707729281779395,0.24051696188232266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206554692224952,0.0,0.1086051814704372,0.0,0.0982659479687894,0.0,0.0,0.10575408845292444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831737395486792,0.0,0.10687747600979698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887723691892498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828343529808705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899739380463195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252435137212802,0.06061383319799979,0.0,0.0,0.29798482109051805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251033428286653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379832323170832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738427957125571,0.11365254212576467,0.0,0.06694011826231626
bpd,crippledcloud,2019/03/15,"I have no friends Grandma says I use people. I'm feel codependent. So I'm just alone. I try to help people from a distance. But I'm so afraid to let anyone too close, people are so full of shit. ",-0.4085714285714275,1.6763686190476186,1.7336190476190474,97.59471428571429,89.0,4.312380952380953,17.923809523809524,5.6839178017228535,-0.4995676190476184,150,4,35,1,5,50,30,42,0.18899999999999997,0.68,0.131,-0.3669,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,5,8,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310477768293251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096105113716281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157587003167666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23160637300910386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009336891182445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065415074071399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6234812812060357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383940916102548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30771599397276694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352838351741906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589104141685041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anxiouslybetty,2019/03/15,"I’ve been having a really tough beginning of 2019... I don’t know how to cope I feel like I’m spiralling downwards. I am afraid of every moment and worried for the worse. I feel I take two steps forward and 8 steps backward and so on. I’m feeling super crazy aggressive and sensitive, and it’s really affecting my job and I just started. I feel like an idiot, a failure. It is a job that took me so long to get (it’s quite competitive and strenuous). I have been doing amazing in the tests (every test we get if we get under a certain percentage we are fired). I’ve been seeing this therapist that has been soso, I find it hard to take advice from someone I don’t relate. My family life is super stressful, my parents call and text me constantly when they had ignored me for about 8 months prior to that. My relationship with my SO is just for sure not going to exist in the near future, we barely interact, sometimes I forget about my SO.
My friends all say the same thing it gets better (I’m in my mid twenties), I’ve been hearing this my entire life, it’s like when??? When I’m retired?? What do I have to do??? And it’s like I can’t accept things. I can’t let it go and I’m just a mess, I feel like letting go is not caring. I don’t know how to cope, I’ve been purging like crazy in a crazy way to cope (I guess). I’m sorry this is a mess I’m just crying and feeling incredibly lonely and sad and just not in a good state of mind. ",1.9215894039735093,3.3612907350993377,4.007954966887418,87.84333642384104,77.0794701986755,6.8187549668874174,23.33827814569536,7.554174236665415,0.9565640794701982,1110,34,241,15,25,381,144,302,0.166,0.688,0.146,-0.5551,3,2,0,0,0,0,43.0,4,0,1,4,16,26,2,2,13,0,28,2,0,3,3,48,59,23,0,1,9,1,8,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,17,18,0,1,10,0,0,7,8,10,0,1,8,11,34,16,26,49,2,31,0,2,1,0,12,12,0,2,18,152,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850083600937448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982002750211328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337781096168345,0.0,0.11320624612471135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998797256096905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196529382194644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871013439528709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046726804119914,0.0,0.33685181662563035,0.2379674692035996,0.0,0.0,0.10148278036405167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578435282815337,0.0,0.2320420793964997,0.0,0.18930901299713904,0.09312979052502736,0.0,0.0,0.12231612667866412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946437626455756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251430373866347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036760746025627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204242358108572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22707893989475356,0.15685275664581616,0.32547271202535105,0.0,0.0,0.09826132089633173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211237392325724,0.0,0.08862603137890658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328977188125399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809799584803808,0.0,0.0,0.14226204893539965,0.0,0.0,0.11920862897927748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829844620051694,0.0,0.0,0.08847947469487884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407848452280423,0.0,0.10981515772138566,0.12429312457304525,0.0785902166876384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718871581002694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046479380207792,0.0,0.16696703189788284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891867105681235,0.14753169872196004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336251413630793,0.0,0.0,0.10846378050111412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813337427688765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276010106406102,0.11315281514609928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,csotchyukako,2019/03/15,"Half smile I come from a broken family with a lonnnng story. Last night I found out my Dad's dad passed away and I was immediately consumed with emotions and tears started flowing from my eye holes. I felt the urge to yell and scream and to curl up into a ball for the next 48 years because this shit never ends. 
Then I thought to half smile. I did half smile. 
I felt a little/a lot wack to be sitting there crying and smiling but soon enough the tears stopped and I actually felt better. I was better able to communicate my emotions and what I needed at that point. I could slow my thoughts and decide which were valid or which were poison. Music I didn't notice came into focus and sounded so beautiful. 

HALF SMILE WORKS. 
",2.6804426559356145,5.049988633802816,3.3234607645875265,89.30056338028173,78.15492957746478,5.465593561368209,22.114688128772634,6.5431188927421005,0.4527871227364182,574,17,113,5,14,180,91,142,0.127,0.6990000000000001,0.174,0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,2,0,7,0,8,3,2,0,1,30,18,13,0,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,16,0,1,7,1,0,4,2,3,0,4,13,7,16,2,16,3,2,23,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,2,11,74,21,1,0.1581458704669307,0.0,0.15432755675964974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858325114739604,0.0,0.0,0.09640425477974043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797343416803077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808767452735611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622866421490146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262666091212447,0.0,0.1737158127499403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557856368461293,0.14007030105247228,0.16340695924824178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490858520541844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455534508697574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339878422151025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289099918787057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444996372113865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726315909218055,0.12197184468775933,0.0,0.16818992736736438,0.14840918633814545,0.0,0.0,0.18005012171037252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949896485399022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233446341707974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193646108882176,0.0,0.0,0.13221702901367505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511003121711827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513207720815233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184075556466904
bpd,jaymoen1,2019/03/15,Fml High af and my uncle died trying to sober the fuck up but also don't want to get off the high but my dad is in pain and i feel nothing i just want to lie in bed watch family guy.. ,1.0715503875969006,1.2786680930232563,3.4465116279069754,95.882015503876,77.37209302325581,6.663565891472868,16.65891472868217,6.42735559955562,-0.6166062015503875,140,1,38,1,3,49,33,43,0.25,0.75,0.0,-0.8647,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,7,5,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,7,7,0,6,0,0,1,1,2,6,1,0,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895410395981973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841564263827686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581099612975481,0.0,0.13843919446480793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531194602738136,0.14304681005754533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27110051867116164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785598018306477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627140963989936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913376382178207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588912245060935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32298327314253833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,secretweightloss,2019/03/15,"How to move on? I got abandoned by the girl I’d fallen in love with in January, I was lead on and told she cared about me and everything was going to be okay for months until suddenly it wasn’t and she ghosted me.

I can’t stop thinking about it all, I keep overanalysing every interaction in the 6 months before it, trying to work out whether she was lying to me the whole time when she said she cared about me, when she said I just had to be patient and she’d tell me what we ‘were’ she just “didn’t need labels”. I feel so stupid and pathetic for falling for it and believing that someone could actually like me. It’s obvious in retrospect it couldn’t have been true i’m disgusting and unloveable and I want more than I deserve. 

I can’t keep spending all my time upset about this and thinking about her, checking my messages incase she’s suddenly decided to talk to me etc. I can’t stop it though I don’t know how, and I can tell that the few friends I have that haven’t abandoned me yet are getting sick of me being so miserable all the time. 

This whole thing has proved that even people who are perfect and nice and sweet can’t stand to be around me, everyone abandons me eventually when they realise how awful I am ",5.2208602150537615,5.360028935483875,5.703161290322584,83.62140860215057,68.11290322580646,9.032688172043011,30.64623655913979,8.841846274778883,2.2267120430107528,968,35,202,15,15,312,130,248,0.16699999999999998,0.718,0.115,-0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,3,19,18,2,2,5,2,28,2,0,4,7,46,46,23,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,16,16,0,7,6,0,2,5,9,8,0,0,12,4,39,10,29,27,8,28,0,4,0,1,24,8,0,0,15,150,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.1406497391792295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283059382171717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264370928944393,0.16238475009830225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938995505468942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507579082332835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074264925228696,0.09519626890930327,0.0,0.1214354392466364,0.13772204901877153,0.12953442827118294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287627736703063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135420351442536,0.0,0.07530178896607667,0.0,0.08191219674846538,0.0,0.11527364082215664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25621809549171376,0.0,0.0,0.07920988166726528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704144625805008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008262867467252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300858095791046,0.1531869993613166,0.0,0.10687030293192548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992134582025304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27420058889522697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212057754713228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099766802876216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584594632530258,0.2519513189307231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575332949835152,0.1847049091807994,0.141606641013735,0.0,0.2521294591021227,0.0,0.0,0.13772204901877153,0.0,0.09785456567842304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850113968426423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32183119519645204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049280956071185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chrundledagreat,2019/03/15,"Just Feel Lost When I get really attached to someone, I start to over analyze things they say or I start to freak out about things I say or do, even if they reassure me that it’s not a big deal.  I end up pushing them away almost to measure how much they put up with. Sometimes it’s nothing anybody says or does, it’s just a nagging thought in my head that makes me afraid that I’m not worth the trouble and should be alone forever.  To me, in a way, how much they put up with equates to how much they care about me, but eventually, it always reaches a point where they have had enough and end things with me.  For example we could be hanging out and then a flip just switches in my head so I push them away, using the excuse that I just need to recharge. But really I’m just so afraid that they will eventually see me the way I see myself and leave me hurting even more than if things just ended right there and then.  

I was dating this girl for a few months and things were amazing. But a few weeks ago things started getting especially rocky.  She finally ended things with me last week because of the emotional turmoil I constantly put myself in was affecting her and it was too much for her to handle.  This accumulated with me having a mental breakdown and cutting myself in multiple places.  I haven’t cut myself in years before this incident and stopped back then because it drew too much attention from others, but in this circumstance my emotions completely overruled my reasoning and it just happened.  She came back to my place that night because she was worried about me and saw the cuts and completely freaked out and left, leaving me with no other reprieve other than downing a fifth of whiskey, trying to hang myself, but passing out and slipping out of the makeshift noose I made with my belt.  I woke up in a pile of my own puke and an incredibly sore throat.  The shame I feel, not only for causing the end of this relationship, but the way she reacted to seeing the cuts on my neck and arm, the fear in her eyes and voice, will haunt me until my dying day.  A few days ago she sent me a text saying she cared about me but just needed me as a friend right now and that she was sorry about how things played out. I coldly responded by saying that sorry means nothing nor changes anything at this point, I didn’t want her sympathy or pity, and that this was all of my doing, which I truly believe it was.  She blocked my number and removed me from social media shortly after.  I have never felt this strongly about someone before, nor have I ever felt the sheer hopeless of the aspect of living without her. She was truly a beautiful person, she was my muse, but i caused the destruction of it all.  All I want to do is see her one last time, to explain that I’m now seeking treatment and getting the help I should have gotten months ago, but I don’t think it would change anything. The damage cannot be undone.

Anyways, I have been dealing with what was diagnosed as adhd and major depressive disorder for the past 4 years, but I visited my psychiatrist yesterday and he thinks I have bpd as well. To be honest I was researching my symptoms around a month ago and saw that they aligned with bpd almost exactly, but was too afraid to admit to myself or bring it up with my psychiatrist. 
My emotional state as of late has caused me to miss classes for the past 2 weeks, missing exams and assignments to the point where I had to withdraw from all my classes. This was supposed to be my last semester before I graduated college, but I’ve fucked up bad. I also got fired from my job because I called off all my shifts last week and told my boss I couldn’t work for the present time out of fear for my mental health. 

I can’t sleep anymore because my mind is consistently thinking of my ex and how I had to drop out of school.  I have never felt this hopeless in all my life and when I talked to my roommate/best friend about how I was feeling, they said they didn’t want to talk about it and basically said they don’t want me living with them anymore.  

My parents had me move back home a couple hours away from college. Im checking into a psych ward after this weekend, but I honestly can’t see how I can get out of this hole I’ve dug myself. But I know I can’t kill myself anymore because my younger brother, who knows I’ve suffered my suicidal thoughts in the past, told me he would kill himself if I did. I can’t bear being the reason for causing additional suffering to my parents, because I would have never made it this far in the first place if it wasn’t for them. 

Sorry for the excruciating long post, and I realize this probably comes off as whining or whatever but I have trouble talking about this stuff until it just builds up and I can’t take it anymore.  I just feel numb and disconnected from everyone and everything around me right now. Ive never been one for physical affection, but here I am, a 23 year old male just wanting someone to hold me and reassure me that I can still go on, that I can make something of myself.",8.0555445438589,6.408334009054331,7.80577122308318,76.76762254377331,63.03420523138834,10.753337043537824,36.23947942977011,9.420299171960508,3.1455085662913653,3991,150,785,57,47,1276,396,994,0.149,0.769,0.083,-0.9975,3,1,2,0,0,7,74.0,1,0,15,4,55,46,9,7,43,0,70,15,7,22,12,175,136,84,4,18,41,4,8,0,2,7,6,8,1,3,59,61,1,3,21,3,2,16,24,34,1,3,44,25,147,12,132,77,18,145,0,12,8,1,71,56,1,12,67,585,206,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372043947465813,0.0,0.15849460343019933,0.0,0.08952072959999996,0.04629548305715847,0.0,0.03574639152735256,0.037193791136956894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773206505901844,0.0,0.0,0.07356820739475177,0.07958454798299336,0.0,0.0,0.1259907216916298,0.10311409657183768,0.03732244251818792,0.19073996290595774,0.0,0.11410864106192725,0.05036133602028072,0.0469096529684226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259559611548485,0.0,0.04564346495701669,0.051124631025072836,0.0911487932970398,0.18367591589539875,0.09457286361807556,0.03850489559888939,0.09373372100887886,0.04830457365860535,0.0,0.03568913069697033,0.049459447526558266,0.0,0.057655310054020074,0.09216700436520328,0.038499848133575286,0.0453693276680244,0.04639130616321216,0.0,0.05122981133086474,0.0,0.03911707171298807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084368126153208,0.19795365203105664,0.046186813489266176,0.0,0.059047555678918985,0.04043350289389745,0.0,0.042712547722844565,0.040173272825255284,0.0,0.0,0.1005993415767219,0.0904061912258737,0.0,0.12875637297170825,0.04896641533009796,0.0,0.038021603237389526,0.0,0.0,0.06906986594573489,0.041324218941337226,0.09341514384209416,0.0,0.025403910540315808,0.0,0.03575049107882005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03952786076577427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174972393497603,0.047513767391771794,0.0,0.0,0.02996131494799927,0.0,0.044837515923341655,0.0,0.04402027134712151,0.0,0.04785203044010007,0.0,0.04828342429091542,0.0,0.04435762643262304,0.0,0.09890734981521096,0.0,0.04913165139407418,0.14574512075118148,0.05042328981306359,0.09466120884347712,0.0485664330793642,0.0,0.03157277090044672,0.0,0.0,0.07894143524642214,0.039557891609652014,0.0,0.0,0.04879508146660616,0.0,0.0,0.08459201014354169,0.059674889833085,0.0,0.0,0.04869115590682025,0.0,0.0,0.09009371337635816,0.0,0.04513402725815128,0.0,0.10703679467465667,0.0475087835779134,0.16429737824765628,0.06628862911431928,0.1379008793126636,0.0,0.0,0.041947707986417525,0.0,0.08578127360751751,0.0,0.0469048914142053,0.0,0.060579444707248874,0.03399619086298723,0.0,0.0,0.09926761391296213,0.0,0.12801297080645174,0.0,0.03903011676913869,0.14010524366895905,0.0,0.12676719837972078,0.0,0.042810025427986335,0.0,0.048193914495567536,0.0,0.0,0.13480685109179785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057271637106230226,0.09191762072697512,0.0,0.04799082671677705,0.0,0.11452008318513025,0.08503943865388723,0.17773526410182494,0.0,0.04523855568173483,0.17809965496757474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473205365143591,0.045565788389856116,0.11362191530520165,0.034412068327090095,0.04420921748876658,0.15011320542513845,0.09491618609285528,0.0,0.03569729566877305,0.037371010924219315,0.0,0.0,0.05117054462546452,0.048894295513103085,0.0,0.0,0.04646017835610987,0.03360866559676143,0.10778395063472708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375723384866079,0.08592542702025799,0.0,0.07097325192697823,0.05212959305093588,0.0,0.0,0.08542509544568913,0.0,0.030348211025151024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860625112822424,0.0,0.0,0.13182541831526642,0.10644179525684047,0.14342184343311448,0.0,0.04019046326440506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043088985103204976,0.0,0.03254196639548533,0.045394788255406535,0.0,0.09526030661180873,0.0,0.0,0.08635556290584226
bpd,m0v1ng_forward,2019/03/15,"BPA and logging my progress to completely defeating it Hi everyone,

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One month ago I finally found what my problem was mentally and even though I was making progress to fixing the problems I had before, now after randomly going around in my mind, trying to work out what was wring with me and reading online, thinking it was depersonalisation disorder, on making a big mistake in the early hours of the morning and wallowing in self pity, depression, anger and having someone to talk to who just talked to me, I started to read more and more and one evening after I did a random click onto an article into depersonalisation order and different types I came across Borderline personality order.

​

I read this article so damn slowly to which more and more It was as if something was reading my mind and my past word for word, I literally felt sick in my stomach for that night and the next morning...then I just kept reading about it on and off then slowly the feeling went away

​

Years ago I went to talking therapies and anger management and it helped putting my mind in the right place but, I found myself trying to hide my mental ""scars"" and when I shared, I over-shared or did in a very brash/abrupt way but that whole time I didn't know what the problem really was I thought it was just down to having a poor child, teenage and early adult life, to which it was but the core problem was revealed.

​

Before I found out what BPD was and that I know its (for now) part of / an extension of me, I've been telling myself and actually doing things like:

​

 \- ""stop over thinking""

 \- ""slow down your mind""

 \- ""talk about stuff, just not too much""

 \- ""you can say no""

 \- ""you can be OK in your own silence""

 \- ""work out who you are""

 \- ""breath......just take a moment to breath""

 \- ""Don't be so closed off""

​

 \- ""Don't lie""

and

 \- ""if you have a plan, stick to it""

​

A couple of days ago I broke the last two and I felt disgusted, however I stopped myself and didn't expand the lie and even stated that I didn't want to share anymore information, it still stinks that I did that and the plan that I have to follow is not mandatory however I felt real bad and sat down with myself and cam clean with a few people but not all as I need to find the right time or decide whether to follow through, either the choice is mine, however I'm proud that I didn't let it escalate and ruin the trust that people have in me, ultimately the lie was done to fear/being scared and I felt ashamed to say it.

​

I needed to share this with all here because I've lost someone because of my poor behavior and I refuse to let this have a hold on me, I will be happy in my own skin, I will be happy to be around people and I will live in the 'grey' area.

​

I've learnt that at the age I'm at now, people do care but they have their limits and can stop caring whenever they want, you need to let go of the past and people who I thought I loved but really it was infatuation and because you wanted to latch onto them because I was weak, understand I'm scared of making mistakes, I'm scared of people seeing I'm not who they think I am, its OK to not know who you are yet and tell people that you are working on it, LAUGH! - laugh, Jesus just laugh, laugh at yourself let someone tease you and accept it and right the wrongs you made.

​

The most significant steps I've made is is calling every single person or meeting them face to face and whole heartily apologise for causing them problems/conflict between me and them and actually mean it, some let me know that they're not interested, some said nothing, some said its ok but we can have a mutal relationship some just straight cursed me out and........I took it

​

​

I'm going to keep updating this post from time to time (the goal is each end of month) with my situations, thoughts, feeling and how I dealt with them in a calm and positive way, I know some will require quick thinking while being delicate, however I will handle them all in a positive way.

​

Selfishly I'm doing this for me as want/need to be positive person in this world and not have to wear a mask anymore (it's exhausting) and actually just relax my mind (and chest!) things like porn will stop as well as this doesn't help and I will join groups to just meet up and learn useful things and put myself in a position where I need to interaction with people genuinely and be selfless.

​

Ultimately my goals are:

​

 \- Live in the 'grey area'

 \- Not lie

 \- Not 'wear a mask'

 \- Not overthink

and

\- Be a leader (for people to look up to, however the last seems to selfish so I may remove this one from one of the goals if it shows me that I'm being that keep my BPD traits)

​

Straight up, I'm jealous and sad of how I people interact with each other 'normally' and I'm going to make every effort to get my mind, emotions and thought under control, not overthink and actually following through my plans (positive ones) to the end, I know what's wrong and how to go about fixing it, the steps I'm taking are working (granted I trip a little, however I forgive myself and move forward).

​

I will do this, its not a passing phase, I've felt the dips in emotion and I've fought damn hard to tell myself

""Its ok, fuck it, yes you made a mistake, but why?""

​

and in my mind walked myself through it, forgave myself and reset my mind to a point the shame, self-pity hags around maybe for a couple of hours.

​

I need to state clearly to all of you, I do not want or need to have this extension of me any longer, I will control this and I will remove it from me permanently.

​

Don't wish me luck just tell me to:

​

 \- Get it together

 \- Don't use any excuses for not making progress

 \- Ask me painful questions (I use this technique when I make mistakes so I its gets my head in gear and moves me forward in a positive way)

 \- Remind me to think for myself

 \- It's OK to say no

​

I will do this, see you end of the month, 31/03/2019.",5.251956306405461,6.012136216101697,5.556623376623378,82.51926810477659,68.19491525423729,8.367158265463349,29.816200748404132,8.418075326091056,2.058065375302663,4765,171,935,66,77,1517,409,1180,0.13699999999999998,0.741,0.122,-0.8256,7,0,1,0,0,0,268.0,1,15,10,21,38,66,9,5,53,6,87,17,9,18,5,231,183,92,0,23,40,0,9,2,0,12,5,5,1,6,74,80,0,13,36,7,2,25,25,38,1,6,49,21,128,28,145,107,25,143,1,7,6,3,72,64,3,19,51,643,202,16,0.0,0.0,0.07614026278103528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187274018323892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649649159964209,0.52144299375949,0.02652953048848864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038689468865684334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052093490765954126,0.018235499367301903,0.0,0.018326551694268157,0.0,0.016286715314799964,0.04756276485068079,0.0,0.0331963795604328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04913430890112425,0.0,0.019917831459549184,0.022309695049400488,0.03977538305519537,0.02003805988123432,0.0,0.0,0.02045169509906201,0.0,0.04375532920651946,0.0,0.04316608920221613,0.0,0.012579771819311528,0.0,0.01680050993203372,0.0,0.0,0.020379643486936192,0.02235559348427172,0.0,0.0,0.01996143495031687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438833032349688,0.05182964284157456,0.0,0.0,0.038650634758511736,0.0,0.032869333100529384,0.018638841892321904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0219497000540352,0.019725663700515237,0.0,0.09364421020652214,0.02136789590013903,0.017828152600518468,0.0,0.0,0.06416204568588313,0.0,0.018033004918583263,0.030573277454426864,0.0,0.05542861492132296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152905062909477,0.017473566175450046,0.0,0.02001880816364366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02614895350310084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384190090003586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03467570084708057,0.0,0.0,0.0643200041485494,0.03180002607062608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973115582477908,0.013777681648364492,0.01905931612725113,0.019550160514748158,0.034448353206616884,0.0,0.016380147484528238,0.0,0.021293129468196212,0.0,0.01760494827138659,0.05537121477686555,0.07812253512185416,0.0,0.01959642294631742,0.0212477785776338,0.0,0.0,0.03931496875368951,0.0,0.1575641899869144,0.0,0.04670856689578392,0.04146363318578899,0.014339172068835462,0.08678081804001637,0.0,0.0,0.020744877868471845,0.0183050821968635,0.01911176204820582,0.01871655615660432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608893358163925,0.0,0.02075578486643096,0.0,0.0,0.02112312319826657,0.0372414142172048,0.1352302103897589,0.05109572345480233,0.020379643486936192,0.0,0.018439497631656483,0.0,0.018681379077084403,0.0,0.0,0.07465852268004415,0.0,0.039217883541014326,0.021851211099611727,0.0,0.09755651328696577,0.022202125781329088,0.024992116973779285,0.0,0.0,0.020942169904264698,0.0,0.04997411387945743,0.03710939141272211,0.04653591971773911,0.05858679878316245,0.0,0.031087551429223263,0.017757551700329943,0.0406980743803928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02192558830286482,0.0,0.0,0.049582172635039515,0.015016690292004304,0.0,0.0,0.013806464219730323,0.0,0.015577536003497774,0.06523163811183393,0.0,0.0,0.02232973076218355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029332205062303694,0.06271281302616752,0.06819649913096547,0.0,0.022306838468327195,0.0,0.03887680691433623,0.06249336296338717,0.01916456959188898,0.06194241700751343,0.04549647794799197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021671910439544712,0.0264866198421628,0.0,0.01905455116095717,0.020306458953208432,0.0,0.0505408257664797,0.0,0.01609451267756376,0.057525791842505676,0.061931895841653525,0.0,0.0,0.01753825820049979,0.03616455943417095,0.017601152737403782,0.04355555850367905,0.02243096500616037,0.0,0.0,0.05680247129686404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265355038401295,0.52144299375949,0.012561239958249112
bpd,jasperxv,2019/03/15,"Does anyone else feel like they need to immediately break up with their partner after they’ve done something kind of annoying? I’m in a committed relationship that’s coming up on 3 years, and I am happy! No doubt about it, it’s the thing i’m the most sure of in my fucked up life (not to be dramatic). But whenever me and him argue or he says/does something that hurts me I feel, “it’s over, this piece of shit is so fucking mean”. I love him but it hurts me and him",0.9162244897959226,2.959533887755104,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,82.57142857142857,6.3689795918367365,20.00408163265305,7.554174236665415,0.5022334693877553,363,10,83,6,10,122,68,98,0.182,0.7170000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.8031,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,2,13,5,1,3,0,4,5,1,0,2,17,14,7,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,2,12,5,15,12,2,11,0,2,0,3,10,7,3,3,3,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367222382723857,0.2003481577087792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684356203290841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111352042269806,0.20009963694448693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334394783494102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977361925526044,0.1396898546757566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615369081639472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815006471764616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186473592940712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361904662066327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381117691506788,0.0955282585386632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647748101771654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299434583954494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498632176471868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993082937690336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007133095228128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010639548726594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842889110410278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990440430897165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591777903112772
bpd,ohgod-bugseverywhere,2019/03/15,"Maybe a controversial opinion, but I really enjoy the song Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston I understand why people at large think the lyric ""they'll have you suicidal, suicidal when they say it's over"" is making light of suicidality, but god damn does it ever speak to my borderline ass ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯",5.553773584905662,8.477445886792456,5.687396226415096,73.16656603773588,71.26415094339623,10.277735849056604,29.467924528301893,10.355215969177356,3.797320000000002,244,10,40,8,5,77,47,53,0.29600000000000004,0.534,0.17,-0.8875,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,1,7,6,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,2,2,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836341028907654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153755939279168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589339770302648,0.0,0.2392040219560745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506895316461445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253331982325158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893471271500605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7813301234465408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256522894360336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478710868100649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484872710615546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,The_Fat_Vegetarian,2019/03/15,"I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m waking up every morning hoping it’s for the last time. I’m so fed up with everything, but too squeamish to do it myself. I just hope every day that something happens and I’ll be gone.

There are, of course, wonderful days, and I feel like I can take on the world, but most of the time I’m just done.

Again, I contemplate it daily, but thankfully don’t have the strength to actually follow through with suicide, it’s just exhausting.

And none of this is helped by the fact I had my truck broken into a few days ago, had a lot of expensive items stolen but most importantly my notebook. I kept everything in there, all my notes and stories, landscape sketches-things I do to stay sane and cope- and letters to/from close friends/family who have passed, my whole world was in there, and someone mistook it for an iPad or something and it’s all gone. The electronics and the like can mostly be replaced, it’s the IP and memories I’ll never get back that ultimately is crushing me.

(First post here, hope I flaired it properly)",4.851749829118251,5.708543679425841,5.306784005468219,83.60498803827753,69.14354066985646,8.650854408749144,30.718045112781954,8.841846274778883,2.3366073820915934,835,33,168,14,14,267,122,209,0.095,0.755,0.15,0.8883,0,0,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,0,0,11,0,18,3,1,0,4,37,36,16,1,4,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,14,1,1,2,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,8,1,15,7,20,26,10,26,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,9,13,115,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.15102195127012666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718405399133612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347882626840118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899971763693537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29941924820757165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837165495569713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26078138637714915,0.0,0.2781738839806284,0.0,0.14589252079625448,0.0,0.07825053692596705,0.11055948827962092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163748313114776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085491782744514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685241183223226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373134626726613,0.0,0.0,0.4611302662074291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614881567818906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121435131839828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157012458239722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935927951901862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482158436333068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112635699879274,0.2382812758122001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649519472832036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928065764691735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635911623535793,0.0,0.0,0.14248081495402234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804818272136415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912805605349524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278231499679433,0.0,0.0,0.16782896885976714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,baby_ghostgirl,2019/03/15,"DAE beat themselves up when people say no to seeing you Like when I ask someone to hang out or make plans and they say no it crushes me. It makes me feel so unimportant and pathetic. But why would anyone wanna be around me. I know that kind of thought process is unproductive, it just sucks, other people can go on with their day after someone saying no to seeing them but I (and guessing others who are reading this) just get so low and self deprecating. ",5.171515151515148,6.2358173636363645,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,68.54545454545455,7.684848484848485,28.303030303030305,7.793537801064563,1.6986303030303036,360,12,68,4,6,114,67,88,0.17600000000000002,0.8059999999999999,0.019,-0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,3,2,7,4,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,20,17,11,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,8,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,6,10,2,11,14,0,11,0,1,2,0,10,5,1,2,5,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139544615432819,0.0,0.0,0.17766041490463036,0.18657185394678802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287067221622115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009090448473008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426755968324816,0.0,0.11342074312609207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984984916289693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782238437956124,0.10967894890206767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975002623507888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664302545112032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767146712447231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962490943538885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47612037608499497,0.0,0.0,0.31806434186367283,0.0,0.2081959763281664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33819155647642424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158437004469414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008169843192418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176944331968208,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shesamaniacmaniac,2019/03/15,"Why do I feel so desperate to keep someone from leaving even when it's only for the night? It's like I'm taken back to childhood when you weren't sure they were coming back because you didn't know any better. All you know is that they're leaving and you do not want them to leave. 

As you get older, your rational brain understands that they're not gone forever and that you will see them again. I've always been the one to hang around too long, spend the night, skip out on everything that is not spent with that person.

What happens to my rational understanding? Why do I still feel this way?",5.7912605042016825,5.829940226890756,5.616470588235298,85.07411764705884,66.89915966386555,9.15294117647059,27.92436974789916,8.841846274778883,1.8021058823529408,473,13,99,7,7,147,79,119,0.08900000000000001,0.889,0.022000000000000002,-0.7023,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,7,3,1,10,3,0,0,3,0,10,1,1,0,2,19,26,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,6,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,7,3,13,3,12,18,1,18,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0,12,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304944958272396,0.0,0.0,0.10664926504202478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396112784851378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241184019043672,0.0,0.09560165259789964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870272330886296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507330484862746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350945086386984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358423775326156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094801370900942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859515772726693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193680803750214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386835841166437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393970395278163,0.0,0.0,0.17237850409550828,0.0,0.0,0.4981785808123426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661884774240274,0.0,0.0,0.13878894739667774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943472465411974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627155572091772,0.11927570842070112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693724823889405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497260414470628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288091102876765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524403827346905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780970816034414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32652955149815743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250195247331336,0.12448375550855548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830280021956732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InsecureAttachment,2019/03/15,"Thoughts of Suicide, but not Suicidal Not sure if anyone else ever feels this way. I'll randomly get in these moods, out of nowhere, where I feel really down. Lowest of the low self-esteem (think, ""I don't have any real friends, I'm not as successful as others in my field, I'm not really going anywhere, I never will...""), no energy, no motivation, and no real positive outlook. Of course I was fine hours or days before.

I'll think suddenly that I'd rather just not be here anymore. I'll think about how I'd do it. 

The thing is, I realize I never would, because I don't actually WANT to die. Because as an adult I finally realize that if I did hurt myself I wouldn't come back from it, that it would just be it. And I'm not ready to actually end it completely, I just want to end the 'blah' feelings in the moment. Totally different from our adolescent BPD selves that typically don't really grasp the concept that gone is gone and not just temporary. 

​

So, does anyone else ever feel ""suicidal"" without the intent? ",4.599957142857143,5.706288910000001,6.1474285714285735,76.43300000000002,69.9,10.114285714285714,29.785714285714285,10.290406445055957,3.1672214285714286,802,31,152,22,14,274,113,200,0.139,0.723,0.138,-0.2828,2,0,0,0,0,4,40.0,1,0,0,2,13,7,0,0,7,0,15,0,0,3,6,50,33,12,4,8,17,0,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,0,12,0,0,4,17,2,0,0,5,4,14,4,19,22,1,24,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,4,12,101,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.22291873666671344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237541298871034,0.13878622183814127,0.07767151313704113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327262616163022,0.15972643915164728,0.2340577379786745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782586404235053,0.0,0.1392513115351447,0.0,0.0971903001543564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438523806875906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983878782318664,0.11975440765910444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736605506492926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853926911919747,0.11933251118112465,0.0,0.0,0.09995211332544593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082738458881066,0.0,0.2023248161945061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066317281134165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310062966121807,0.0,0.0,0.1251191993645513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824381230573068,0.0,0.059673696385852175,0.0,0.06491218371011273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248079055067564,0.0,0.12227171820260505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618246603261786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600080246490609,0.21951110774768406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915329674833758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37480475547489855,0.0,0.10764822134155816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588073525043633,0.2195570282479642,0.0,0.09067558241233777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473635498382067,0.09066018080406846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010116385281453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227303570065568,0.0,0.13878622183814127,0.0
bpd,kikapea,2019/03/15,"im afraid and tired I know I’m sick.  I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I know the way I feel and the way I see things is distorted and broken up. I feel disturbed and like there’s no end in sight, because when it rains it pours and it feels like I haven’t seen the sun in weeks. But I know, somewhere, that I am so much stronger and brighter than this. 

I made a mistake when I built my life around a person. I made an even bigger mistake when I built my home inside him. 

He left me and I’ve been constantly on edge. I have been afraid everyday for almost three years that he would abandon me and I would be left alone in the echoes of my own mind, that he would disappear and I’d have to face the emptiness of my hollow chest. 

We still occupy the same space, still live in the same home. He moved into the room across the hall, and the person I love the most in the entire world is suddenly a stranger to me. He speaks to me in this hollow, detached voice, approaches me like a wild and unpredictable animal. It’s hard to remember how tender his eyes used to be when all I see is this dark place, this unfamiliar space between. 

I’m in love with him and I know he’s in love with me, and it’s unfair for me to be so selfish when I know he wants to get better for himself before he can commit himself to anyone again. Because sometimes love gets in the way of building yourself up. God, I know all of this on paper in the same logical way an equation unfolds. But the corners of my mind are so different at night, alone in my brain. It is so hard to remember these things when my chest aches and my hands shake because I haven’t eaten because I’m not hungry. 

When I built my home inside him it did nothing but create the possibility of homelessness, and I ache to come home. I can’t see a sunny outcome on days when the rain pounds against the ground and it’s dark even at noon. I know it’s mostly in my head. I’m sorry. Thank you. I’ll get better. ",2.155487977369166,3.8745859207920783,3.369635077793493,91.46305940594057,77.16831683168317,6.4983309759547385,22.433946251768035,7.33818517376401,0.6498667043847246,1528,44,337,19,35,495,183,404,0.109,0.802,0.08900000000000001,0.2898,1,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,1,0,2,20,19,0,4,25,0,22,16,7,4,3,61,54,32,0,6,4,0,6,3,0,3,4,2,5,3,20,22,1,1,13,0,0,5,5,8,0,1,7,14,50,11,46,41,9,62,1,1,6,4,24,33,0,3,23,213,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334458944949034,0.17240601349007373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819758504748264,0.0,0.0,0.07409391665822447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029492446982032,0.0,0.07082410137063631,0.0,0.0,0.1472234640729215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291417569759623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169679536402984,0.0,0.08994396891307578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367760257882638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695947903527218,0.0953908131004726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371863894440688,0.0,0.0,0.1099475910896827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625344305861025,0.059460789265068675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045548522681655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491186254047592,0.0,0.08541980285049708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339529848126616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990458841706975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32019400790163083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086311155470108,0.0,0.058789056796975624,0.121988507963111,0.0,0.07349517302377508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004796685681072,0.15751181626027785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808071108628347,0.0,0.0,0.08846219373408419,0.0611849237550385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810737280843336,0.0,0.07986312291262819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802429936559856,0.08695947903527218,0.0,0.0,0.09383130879090908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857072847168985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897482101444008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231834342611258,0.0931711461915608,0.0,0.0,0.13293798945852026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662862630902745,0.0,0.0,0.1105909720809609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566266952748316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188552114896468,0.0,0.0,0.04909225122532161,0.2642620024981888,0.06676350110434094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737637262048794,0.0,0.0,0.05359852754571432
bpd,ihopenobodycanfind,2019/03/15,"im afraid and tired but will grudge on I know I’m sick.  I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I know the way I feel and the way I see things is distorted and broken up. I feel disturbed and like there’s no end in sight, because when it rains it pours and it feels like I haven’t seen the sun in weeks. But I know, somewhere, that I am so much stronger and brighter than this. 

I made a mistake when I built my life around a person. I made an even bigger mistake when I built my home inside him. 

He left me and I’ve been constantly on edge. I have been afraid everyday for almost three years that he would abandon me and I would be left alone in the echoes of my own mind, that he would disappear and I’d have to face the emptiness of my hollow chest. 

We still occupy the same space, still live in the same home. He moved into the room across the hall, and the person I love the most in the entire world is suddenly a stranger to me. He speaks to me in this hollow, detached voice, approaches me like a wild and unpredictable animal. It’s hard to remember how tender his eyes used to be when all I see is this dark place, this unfamiliar space between. 

I’m in love with him and I know he’s in love with me, and it’s unfair for me to be so selfish when I know he wants to get better for himself before he can commit himself to anyone again. Because sometimes love gets in the way of building yourself up. God, I know all of this on paper in the same logical way an equation unfolds. But the corners of my mind are so different at night, alone in my brain. It is so hard to remember these things when my chest aches and my hands shake because I haven’t eaten because I’m not hungry. 

When I built my home inside him it did nothing but create the possibility of homelessness, and I ache to come home. I can’t see a sunny outcome on days when the rain pounds against the ground and it’s dark even at noon. I know it’s mostly in my head. I’m sorry. Thank you. I’ll get better. ",2.211144957983194,3.8978609338235337,3.3881484593837534,91.5338823529412,76.91666666666666,6.525602240896357,22.44145658263305,7.33818517376401,0.6408880112044826,1543,44,341,19,35,499,185,408,0.157,0.71,0.133,-0.4661,1,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,1,0,2,20,19,0,4,25,0,23,16,7,4,3,62,55,33,0,6,5,0,6,3,0,4,4,2,5,3,20,22,1,1,13,0,0,5,5,8,0,1,7,14,50,11,47,41,9,63,1,1,6,4,24,34,0,3,23,216,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334458944949034,0.17240601349007373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819758504748264,0.0,0.0,0.07409391665822447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029492446982032,0.0,0.07082410137063631,0.0,0.0,0.1472234640729215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291417569759623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169679536402984,0.0,0.08994396891307578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367760257882638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695947903527218,0.0953908131004726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371863894440688,0.0,0.0,0.1099475910896827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625344305861025,0.059460789265068675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045548522681655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491186254047592,0.0,0.08541980285049708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339529848126616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990458841706975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32019400790163083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086311155470108,0.0,0.058789056796975624,0.121988507963111,0.0,0.07349517302377508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004796685681072,0.15751181626027785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808071108628347,0.0,0.0,0.08846219373408419,0.0611849237550385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810737280843336,0.0,0.07986312291262819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802429936559856,0.08695947903527218,0.0,0.0,0.09383130879090908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857072847168985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897482101444008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231834342611258,0.0931711461915608,0.0,0.0,0.13293798945852026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662862630902745,0.0,0.0,0.1105909720809609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566266952748316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188552114896468,0.0,0.0,0.04909225122532161,0.2642620024981888,0.06676350110434094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737637262048794,0.0,0.0,0.05359852754571432
bpd,callmemichi,2019/03/15,"Support for someone (very) resistant to help? I stumbled upon your community today and am wondering if anyone might be able to help me figure how to support someone I care about. My apologies if this is not an appropriate question here, please let me know and I will remove. 

This person does not have a BPD diagnosis but they present with **all** of the symptoms I have read about and they have experienced a host of adverse experiences that I understand can contribute to BPD's presentation. There is concurrent heavy alcohol use - but in hindsight BPD-type behaviour was clear before the alcohol use (perhaps late childhood). They are an adult  now so no one can compel them to treatment, but I am at a loss for how to support them. I am constantly fearful for their life, as are the other 2-3 people aware of the level that this person's self-destructive actions can and does reach. There is no talking to this person about feelings or the prospect of getting professional support - past attempts have ended in violence and general downward spiralling. 

My question to this group is: How would you approach this? Is there anything I or others can do? No step or suggestion is too small (even if it seems obvious to you) because I am truly at a loss. 

 ",5.478596491228068,7.549023000000003,5.911403508771932,75.24149122807019,69.0,8.750877192982456,34.59649122807018,9.2995712137729,3.5172964912280698,996,50,164,21,18,320,136,228,0.12,0.762,0.11800000000000001,-0.7642,1,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,6,3,14,9,0,1,11,0,27,4,0,6,3,37,40,19,0,4,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,11,6,2,0,8,1,0,4,5,4,0,1,1,2,22,5,26,34,1,21,0,2,0,0,21,8,0,11,9,129,33,2,0.10673664971984798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281380357250923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463274723483711,0.0,0.08783516816747726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506567097545435,0.0,0.09082502738587124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032932214857727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882512801418692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534439945765405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681192291085685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453699053569443,0.0,0.0,0.0704985504826412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440892458331053,0.0,0.12010840548983133,0.05396925717583958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055765494085864835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308665279040106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058659671281486636,0.0,0.12040359000520748,0.0,0.0,0.10914545596781404,0.07539125227487342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323071789986965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232751621637562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189220966125442,0.0739977535181963,0.27959497653260473,0.0,0.117164788978047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391389510321425,0.0,0.10676553417312787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716903715674133,0.11134960405613607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808752338682139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844939408622333,0.0,0.1109402477921738,0.0,0.08579087593238174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117386354554712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111661662848994,0.0,0.18437239020753093,0.0,0.08806891438512772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575134354053265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582265353689151,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Z1RENZ,2019/03/15,"My landlords let themselves into my apartment today right when I just got out of the shower 😟. To make things worse it's the third time they've totally invaded my privacy like this! This whole situation is triggering my BPD so fucking bad right now I seriously feel like I'm imploding... I feel like this would be upsetting to a ""normal"" person, let alone someone like me... I'm so stressed right now that I can actually see a blood vessel bulging out of my forehead as I am struggling not to have a complete  emotional meltdown... More than I already am at least... The fact that this is me keeping a lid on it really freaks me out honestly. I was yelling so loud that my voice is still hoarse an hour later... If my neighbors didn't think I was crazy before, they definitely do now... I can't help it, I am just feeling way too many things right now. 

Today wasn't the first time maintenance men have showed up at my front door unannounced and literally just unlocked and attempted to open it without so much as a fucking knock. And even worse it was right after I was getting out of the shower!!! The first time this happened I was literally sleeping and woke up to them opening my front door! I had to jump out of bed and yell for them to let me put some fucking clothes on before they ended up coming in anyways. 

Today they showed up after we called the front office to schedule a time for them to come that was more specific than the 9 hour window they gave us, so that my fiancé could arrange being home instead of leaving me alone to deal with them after the last incident. We were told to call back in 15 minutes to talk to someone else because they ""didn't know what that was about"", but in 10 minutes there were 4 people suddenly barging into my apartment. They came to ""assess damages and repairs"" (which there literally aren't any but ok its procedure so whatever), but instead they measured my cabinets and windows so they can replace them after we move out soon (thank god). Why this had to happen right now I have no idea... And why it for some reason included them going into my bathroom and opening my medicine cabinet without permission, to then shuffle my prescriptions around... is so far from beyond me.

This entire thing has left me feeling so violated on so many levels, and there are so many things upsetting me about all this that I don't know how to begin processing any of it.

I just really needed to get some of that out 😥",5.740000000000002,6.433280356687899,6.090961783439492,79.35682484076435,67.08917197452229,8.997622080679406,32.47282377919321,9.029198982220553,2.733819193205945,1932,79,361,32,30,621,233,471,0.086,0.878,0.036000000000000004,-0.9768,4,2,0,0,1,0,57.0,4,0,14,3,37,19,4,4,16,1,39,6,3,4,3,65,69,30,0,5,11,0,4,4,1,1,0,4,10,2,30,31,0,1,9,2,0,10,10,12,0,3,19,9,57,7,66,43,10,80,0,1,1,3,28,38,3,4,35,271,87,0,0.0,0.0,0.07536979036726922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998342504972884,0.08523025867978326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504430000246864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875513401401392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938861004396378,0.06448763238855612,0.047081471551952934,0.0,0.13144184572188322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727422592086916,0.0,0.15773024435116456,0.08833576232152614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306147106159286,0.08097896781388819,0.0,0.0,0.061665512366501474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962544108630132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451956523644051,0.08687848569565798,0.06840689665972449,0.0,0.0,0.05101269915827855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620845882695236,0.1103527716953276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139135635088428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142063214540025,0.08070374082132213,0.0,0.043894180916945864,0.0,0.06177153398462085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659653453425932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176869823840614,0.0,0.07747256205623265,0.0,0.1521209698370776,0.0,0.0,0.08718841840449963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864962657663859,0.0,0.0,0.08489218979169799,0.06295647561683383,0.0,0.08178024836369789,0.08391557656815203,0.2369327144314914,0.0,0.15093162104633326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155466923833064,0.23491116738873696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208811545779568,0.05677628909563037,0.05726844838440536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756734713808309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354471989522208,0.06743823963461329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764206618605099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098956875027607,0.07940999215931938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957473588150422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061545945566026036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681488262357699,0.07729033892819903,0.0,0.13088118588728162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167962022398747,0.0,0.08847192873659494,0.08074233263249438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620782145803323,0.0,0.07110720702604613,0.0,0.0,0.2052448419278568,0.04948878812715981,0.0,0.0,0.18014437461297225,0.0,0.21962799923101453,0.07380093289947935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290366730474102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061305199590086186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938435656366902,0.08622962920924619,0.0,0.1489027214645633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574172320900434,0.054865216203448405,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,donotdonut,2019/03/15,"DAE get their day completely ruined by small things I started this morning happy for once even though I got barely any sleep, I was excited for the breakfast burrito I was going to get 

Then my break at work finally rolled around, I basically ran to get my burrito only to find that actually my boyfriend hadn't returned my credit card last night so I couldn't get it and won't be able to eat for 8 hours (my work day) - I ran out of the shop crying and literally I haven't been able to stop for an hour and I feel so fucking hopeless over a goddamn burrito 

Does anyone get insanely affected by tiny things? ",6.013931523022432,5.958345363636365,6.852255017709568,76.7230578512397,66.43801652892563,10.550649350649351,32.98819362455726,10.290406445055957,3.2435185360094447,483,19,95,11,7,161,82,121,0.158,0.792,0.05,-0.9064,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,2,5,6,1,0,4,0,8,4,1,1,0,10,20,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,2,1,2,3,4,3,0,0,7,1,15,3,16,10,0,20,0,2,0,1,1,5,1,0,11,56,20,3,0.31956208503801514,0.0,0.1559232488060725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865658803833868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172262002357362,0.0,0.0,0.14223900339011086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675273831196315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755119724673824,0.2060911081378288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398254670538281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349589587793914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553387165290294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807900959807675,0.0,0.0,0.17503232204391572,0.14603697818472242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771499913140465,0.4173949999842531,0.0,0.0908072486191218,0.0,0.1277914959784672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008989087789644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147042828823923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024287534465487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994368453942694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016159559363794,0.0,0.12152068284523335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989643447702598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309384428346612,0.0,0.0,0.13358410606736898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123028497103125,0.0,0.15698406302226142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264500387373885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,donaldgold,2019/03/15,"All Account Accessing & Retrieval A professional and experienced Hacker who work and connect remotely and are available 24 hours a day all days of the week.. we also provide our clients with hourly updates for the duration of the job..
We are here to solve all your problems concerning computer, phone services & other related services. We also work with proof and garantee our customers 100% job satisfaction. we also have a refund policy for any unsatisfied service.
Contact :+1 9166440760",8.608699186991867,11.003295073170733,8.015609756097566,61.93650406504069,61.6829268292683,10.832520325203252,44.15447154471545,10.864195022040775,5.8864081300813,404,25,52,11,6,127,59,82,0.063,0.8809999999999999,0.055,-0.1779,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,6,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,4,15,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,7,3,3,6,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,6,36,9,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889504481922618,0.0,0.4416471557492891,0.0,0.13859498220791325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262875854849162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014154620007902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044917617000143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950146955484111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348077766470098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967462052210206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princesshanh,2019/01/31,Risperdal/risperdone Is anyone on this?? Are you having any side effects esp increased prolactin?,7.440000000000001,11.613430666666671,3.855,80.7825,75.66666666666666,3.0,40.833333333333336,3.1291,2.740333333333333,80,5,9,0,2,21,15,15,0.0,0.831,0.16899999999999998,0.3899,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6972016666589979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7168750490900876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ebbandflow7,2019/01/31,"“Just fake it ‘til you make it...” I have been.  I think.  I don’t feel like I’m makin’ it.  I’m tired and frustrated.  Fuuuuuuuuuck.  :(

Is it working for anyone yet? ",-2.6684090909090905,-2.1267334848484842,2.1096590909090907,87.28448863636368,126.27272727272728,4.074242424242423,13.215909090909092,5.985473137389443,-0.7071181818181818,117,3,29,2,8,45,25,33,0.325,0.608,0.066,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,17,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411544932497644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466994083033764,0.3485594017931332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383657190270884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256803502673822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126297984194683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5607749792184871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552006226979287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sericatis,2019/01/31,"Help! I start group DBT in 2.5 hours and my anxiety is at 11. I can already feel myself looking for ways out, excuses to skip it.  Sometimes I think I'm able to make myself nauseous through pure willpower because that's what's happening right now. I don't want to go. I look like crap. I...*sigh*
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bpd,IndustrialDinge,2019/01/31,"Are there any 12 step programs for people with BPD? Or anything similar, I guess.",1.1660000000000004,3.3691042666666675,2.0933333333333337,88.96000000000002,106.33333333333334,4.666666666666667,25.0,6.42735559955562,1.447000000000001,64,3,11,1,3,20,15,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32345687313673444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914176823464057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5990618615654764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239797714389045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297543544939384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sonofarson,2019/01/31,"Rest in Peace,Tara Condell The passing of Tara Condell and the note she left to the world yesterday (1/30/19) resonated with me as a lifelong borderline.

I Hate The Word “Bye”, But See You Later Maybe?

I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking. I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired. 

I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper. I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction. I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart). However, all these facets seem trivial to me. It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it. I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life. No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger? ",5.329553752535497,7.673889280788183,5.8079455230368,74.69106056215591,69.98522167487684,9.111445957693425,33.61605331787888,9.627879704456738,3.678017907852796,896,44,146,22,17,288,139,203,0.138,0.6990000000000001,0.162,0.7523,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,1,5,6,1,0,12,0,13,8,2,3,1,32,26,10,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,9,5,2,2,10,1,0,4,4,3,0,3,4,5,23,3,21,20,7,28,0,1,1,0,6,15,0,6,9,102,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751644124041744,0.0,0.12162405506436424,0.12654870905871093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927109273341332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562314372210986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379968592636098,0.0,0.2920550676976013,0.16660406099606773,0.0,0.12936526928154982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945926926500196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767664206452015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015459387211053,0.15608531377872195,0.0,0.0,0.1802240289626276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510568764125349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524315542743748,0.0,0.2148473321337723,0.0,0.0,0.1342957576560438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151936708723974,0.0,0.15279200437473892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918634832483384,0.0,0.1595899013130917,0.0,0.10305820257696832,0.1156691462503215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543809425868587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377153476030152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552688206401093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988161236382956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119378386008994,0.13845444775886176,0.0,0.17181521243835735,0.0,0.0,0.17095235151166155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745131765579047,0.0,0.0,0.1773665039968719,0.3496036584453555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120719716632673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660660483309784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worldissorandom,2019/01/31,"I broke up with her Today was the day I (19M) broke up with my girlfriend (19F).

Backstory: We’ve been together for abit over a year and a half. I fell in love with her right from the beginning. She was my first girlfriend. She was just so beautiful and intelligent. I felt like the luckiest guy. Anyways: things are going all good until I start acting clingy, unknowingly that it was a bad thing. I saw nothing wrong with that. I often wish that she’d be more clingy towards me - that way I felt valued. 
    About 6 months in to the releationship she brakes up with me, I was too much. I was literally in the worst pain of my life. So many bad events were cramped up in this one month. I felt so lost and so painful,  thinking back on it gives me goosebumps. This was the first time I considering suicide as an option, this was the closest I ever got.
    So fast forward we’ve gotten back together and she is currently on vacation 11 000 km away, with the school she started in, which is a 12 hour ride from where I currently live. So we’ve been apart lately, and it all went quite good until two weeks ago. I relapsed and got all intense feelings back, I started to get clingy and slowly saw her being pushed away. It killed me insided cause I promised myself I would keep it under control this time. I felt so hopeless again and today I broke up with her because I didn’t wanna see her getting overwhelmed. I almost immidiately regretted it, and told her so - but she agreed that this was too much and said she wouldn’t take me back now. I don’t know what to do now, I hate it. I hate my decision. I want her back so bad but I feel like I fucked up bad.
",2.7373003884333187,4.487428607250759,3.6366713422529138,90.04470921450151,75.61631419939576,6.903798014674147,24.208135520069057,7.7094869923839395,1.0435972378075098,1283,41,275,18,28,410,172,331,0.158,0.745,0.09699999999999999,-0.9801,2,0,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,0,5,26,25,4,1,13,0,23,7,1,2,4,47,57,24,2,6,3,0,6,2,2,2,4,1,0,1,21,17,0,3,9,0,0,7,3,19,0,5,26,10,53,6,37,26,7,64,0,7,3,2,22,24,1,4,36,194,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307768437125554,0.0,0.09384767376850943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610723534846529,0.3603269000467873,0.31301124781635786,0.05713122661533139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627690430532172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511565660129242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060442053512619484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477567611121369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947759337834896,0.06695403732653908,0.3599460114696654,0.0,0.0,0.15943744125955986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664321292450848,0.09793032276997032,0.08990536892169754,0.05326359424201916,0.15721683703810546,0.1499138998898021,0.0,0.0,0.09279815916864216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505943962621246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229594269495148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330320280410035,0.1036879920465456,0.0,0.051506407648170084,0.0,0.1057209536574509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619765313961454,0.09157433233477287,0.0,0.08275703398449667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023071395295218,0.0,0.0845865283400889,0.0,0.0,0.09501800953515642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961382661853118,0.0,0.13779089445497505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992747285390257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350752489804717,0.0,0.19945071780513365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968342709188326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800369065706741,0.08914978164171687,0.0,0.0,0.09485028181401238,0.0746832086483846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900783444449088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251515855507044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046625063966845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452764526347808,0.060052395904639275,0.0,0.0,0.10929850693105582,0.0,0.17767239895058673,0.08955407898095166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155143809218552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055278856227947516,0.0743910743447027,0.07517703683789663,0.0,0.0,0.08687996364230148,0.0,0.0,0.10777410009621624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657644710105379,0.10246879720250823,0.0,0.06035301344463484
bpd,Strange_Candidate,2019/01/31,"Aripiprazole (Abilify) weight gain / your experience? Hello all! 

I've recently been diagnosed with BPD and have been given 5mg of Abilify once a day, I'm also on Citalopram and zopiclone. But I'm wondering if anyone else has tried abilify and how bad was the weight gain and your experience on these?

Thank you so much!
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bpd,labradorite29,2019/01/31,unhealthy obsession over people doing you wrong to the point where it drives you to a NEED to hurt them? why cant i move on from it? ive been obsessing over it and thinking about bringing justice for myself ,4.4730894308943085,5.840499073170732,4.705853658536586,85.66577235772358,70.46341463414635,7.417886178861789,28.300813008130078,7.793537801064563,1.6998227642276418,166,6,32,2,3,52,34,41,0.304,0.627,0.069,-0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,9,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160724159470111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130878915725436,0.0,0.2881891302390524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694503987941066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674127235395542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490399375100691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507084408624564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42494262664502896,0.0,0.0
bpd,tonton8272,2019/01/31,"Do you get upset when people compliment you? For some reason I get upset when people compliment me. If they say things like “you’re so handsome”. “You’re so perfect” “you’re so good at this” I feel like they’re just lying to my face cause I know for fact I’m not those things. 
I don’t like it at all... Is it just me?",-0.8901633986928097,1.2085845588235316,1.2390196078431366,99.63669934640524,93.11764705882356,4.1986928104575165,13.437908496732025,5.82211442006289,-1.0687699346405228,242,4,58,2,9,80,40,68,0.107,0.585,0.308,0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,1,1,7,10,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,2,3,12,8,6,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,10,8,5,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30366247242927125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946416582017447,0.2111765917319254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088774421310718,0.0,0.0,0.24793512933850145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245394682397074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43324546580222495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098634326623761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30392587763835965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507286503807415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927668106837207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thraxis_,2019/01/31,"Hindsight and Transitive Pain Does anyone else become super emotional and hurt by things that happened in childhood that you weren’t privy to or didn’t fully understand at the time? Things happened to me when I was younger that I knew were wrong, though the perspective I gained later intensified the feelings I had towards the sitauations, most of them switching between self-blame/absolving the offender and hating them. Mostly though I’m referring to things that happened to family/friends/FPs that for some reason instill an unimaginable guilt in you despite there being absolutely nothing you could’ve done.",14.576538461538462,11.782034346153846,11.68269230769231,57.61230769230772,51.69230769230769,15.015384615384615,50.03846153846154,13.023866798666859,6.5902769230769245,508,25,71,12,4,151,76,104,0.163,0.763,0.07400000000000001,-0.8625,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,2,2,4,7,2,1,6,0,7,1,0,1,0,12,15,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,7,1,10,1,12,7,3,8,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,4,4,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510592099760826,0.18332599807498398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760449962152665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285408528636045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657522022844472,0.1830985923544759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946577302635458,0.20126236090206173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904679765210163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746584982105478,0.0,0.0,0.17664772448818802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915389336786472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167979629357008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038485969143792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396087792305515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665391914796664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566020498510666,0.0,0.35157850365848203,0.0,0.10433043879482656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626336529866488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562233510946844,0.0,0.0
bpd,sstsebiggestfan,2019/01/31,"Is anyone else really aware of how all the wrong choices you made have brought you to this very moment and you are now suffering the consequences of your actions? Really fucking tragic. I wish I could go back to 10 years ago, it's just not the right path.",2.6925999999999988,5.112663060000003,3.414000000000001,88.397,78.4,7.2,22.0,8.238735603445708,1.2853999999999997,203,6,40,4,5,64,42,50,0.174,0.768,0.057999999999999996,-0.76,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,1,8,9,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,4,6,1,9,0,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526678893212021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993043298021081,0.2920538443766845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191756739237521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275786589512065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381116375934047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635118913017942,0.0,0.0,0.16199295920010395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26970867390850084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36520369406707015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434198353512059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23518517819928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32777820663745805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31164295088848265,0.0,0.1835543279358204
bpd,NoSock5,2019/01/31,"Do you feel like your whole relationship is a lie and your partner doesn't even wanna be with you? I really hate the relationship insecurity I have.  It sucks because I have no evidence to believe these things but I'm so convinced sometimes.

Everybody tells me I'm attractive but usually I think I'm super unappealing and ugly. I just find things to pick on, like I don't dress the nicest because I can't afford nice clothes and I feel like everybody out here is looking so sharp but I am just an awkward, weird person in secondhand clothes. 

Why would i compare myself to my girlfriend? She always looks so nice, dresses so nice, etc etc, and I feel like she just thinks I'm her janky scrub bf. I feel like my gf thinks I'm unattractive and she is ""out of my league."" Shes dating me tho so why would I think that? 

She is a bit older than me. I worry that she just thinks I'm some dumb kid. Its not even a huge age difference but I feel like she thinks I'm dumb. I guess bc I have such a bad memory. 

I have no money. I'm broke. What would someone wanna date me for other than sex? She could get with anybody she wants. 

She asks me to stay with her every night yet I feel like one wrong move and the relationship is over ",1.2106696296296309,3.488319984000004,2.747511111111113,91.85605185185189,83.16,5.9437037037037035,20.459259259259266,7.242747475848597,0.4887481481481477,956,28,208,14,27,312,130,250,0.225,0.6509999999999999,0.124,-0.9794,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,4,0,1,15,23,4,2,8,0,20,1,0,1,0,43,48,16,0,7,9,0,7,7,4,3,0,0,0,3,9,11,0,0,13,0,1,1,6,10,0,1,0,9,44,13,18,43,5,15,0,1,2,1,27,6,3,2,14,131,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015930756108293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006119856526386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043657441990572,0.11745111892057562,0.0,0.0,0.10853773438614348,0.0,0.0,0.10517401137461242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691649376617421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006506639493148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148803130652126,0.12725809958355042,0.0,0.08116727366355007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29226239647966995,0.4129349429095775,0.0,0.0,0.08804940073569728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033160789208193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612501565027108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511190087541624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32945448155169704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179603151176827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238997096724754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040485315369357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527979794109913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411691948051159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171533786943574,0.0,0.0,0.31028658181701385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162521912229527,0.0,0.09527881276387652,0.0,0.0,0.1026814070779436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420195035490363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280027765832626,0.3703694902448594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061005443743567,0.0,0.056821495889953125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385659473666504,0.10755575495932243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783393093853583,0.0,0.2053030891081085,0.10532834317485563,0.0,0.0
bpd,driplikewater,2019/01/31,"I hate it when my girlfriend tells me ""no, I'm buying you dinner"" ""NO. I BUY MY OWN DINNER. I EARN MY OWN DINNER. I MAKE MY OWN DINNER. YOU DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHEN I GET TO EAT AND WHAT I EAT AND HOW THANKFUL I SHOULD BE.""

That's what my brain was screaming in the restaurant last night during my 31st birthday dinner. The experience was mediocre, to say the least, but I didn't want her to pay for a meal I didn't enjoy. The service was just bad. The waitress said ""mmmhmmm"" to everything. The place was a bit dirty. The sauce in the pasta was watery and bland. It was whatever. 6/10, who cares?!. Nothing to really gripe about but I just didn't want her feeling bad that I didn't enjoy it the way she had hoped. 

She was silent during the car ride home. I made a joke about how I must treat her as bad as I wish I could treat the rest of the world. She agreed to it and kept silent until she cut me off in mid-sentence as I had accidentally put my blinker on 3 seconds early to get to our street a whopping 150 feet away. 

""WRONG TURN, TOO EARLY!!!!""

""Yeah, I know where we live.... now back to the topic that you're ignoring""

That fuckin' triggered me. Fuck you. Fuck your shitty ice cream cake. Fuck your dogs. Fuck your cats. How dare you ignore my feelings. How dare you make me take myself to a horrible restaurant. How dare you prioritize a shadow in the middle of the street as your dog instead of responding to me when I'm saying ""so are you even going to talk to me? you're just going to stare just because I didn't like that place that much? Who cares? it wasn't your fault, it was just a whatever Wednesday at some food place, its okay"". 

Your dog has never, ever left the house. I made sure she was fine before closing the gate. Guess what, she was there. FINE. You tried to gaslight me into giving up. Well, here ya go. I spent 30 minutes in my car sulking, ignoring texts that were coming in from my family I went NC with. 

Maybe I don't want some ice cream. Maybe you need to drop the fuckin' subject. Maybe, you should have let me buy my own fucking dinner. 

​

​",0.8678760034819604,3.2241796303317543,2.0574011026211463,95.65139133378472,85.63507109004739,4.6771254473353325,18.09091788374117,6.071614231061593,-0.3216440274688073,1612,40,350,13,49,511,210,422,0.203,0.706,0.091,-0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,0,83.0,2,17,0,2,26,34,10,0,25,2,30,21,2,10,4,49,69,20,0,10,7,0,2,1,1,3,0,4,2,0,19,9,11,4,3,1,5,9,11,19,1,1,25,9,71,15,41,38,10,46,0,0,3,8,39,22,8,4,14,229,90,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478491226799826,0.20723025445505106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011609357057335,0.06556910301390323,0.21359632131874068,0.05198117713061252,0.0,0.07256041113014494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930952206338332,0.0,0.0,0.0951920413808638,0.0,0.0,0.1738815006672582,0.0,0.0,0.07345449991808538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680829595063948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450961676366442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632152231968913,0.07713363947137569,0.0,0.0,0.07663720728376809,0.08341263098369102,0.08038709599491099,0.0,0.08623243178182897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031115530949431,0.0,0.0,0.47299697188566603,0.08910247085431593,0.0818009201583938,0.14538656830612198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393700608737857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841887010029694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855350276501788,0.08469459291780942,0.0,0.09839273709097562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686340304485225,0.06950827157019866,0.0,0.0,0.09264855803823432,0.08719666138238566,0.0,0.04165971808868886,0.0,0.0752969662513396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137334501274908,0.1138397889977016,0.0,0.25700233419908386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268492132923588,0.06322829897489972,0.06576722239228794,0.0,0.0,0.0800222378200929,0.0,0.08182103154901682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672740816339656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572217184737609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054627592124279714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111344469943398,0.13562384459793156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803680941983611,0.0,0.06411412590339492,0.06853861108592675,0.14906342438852724,0.07850723866193005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789426590018574,0.0927517303769226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088736164426228,0.06768514946274316,0.0,0.0,0.07667000090887678,0.07904823765817291,0.0,0.0,0.09805888861644713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093231828079025,0.20723025445505106,0.0
bpd,megotrash,2019/01/31,"I’m tired of not being able to eat properly. I’m tired of being stressed out and physically sick to the point where I can’t stomach things or just don’t want to eat. I’m hungry, I’m shivering because I’m depriving my body of nutrients but after a bite or two of food and I’m fucking donezo. I hate it. I want to enjoy my meals and nourish my body but when I’m stressed out I just can’t. 

I used to have an ed when I was younger that I never got treated for. I’m better now but on occasion when shit gets bad, I  go through bouts of fasting. I’m not sure what to do to increase my appetite? I smoke weed (legal where I live) but even that has been stressing me out lately and not very helpful.

Any tips for getting your appetite back and reducing the stress? I don’t take medication currently.",1.679301397205588,3.441460203592815,3.5196646706586847,89.65801996007988,78.7005988023952,6.609021956087824,26.10339321357285,7.554174236665415,1.3079304590818364,622,25,136,9,15,209,95,167,0.23,0.6940000000000001,0.077,-0.9805,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,10,13,3,4,4,0,11,13,4,1,2,24,30,14,0,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,8,4,0,0,0,0,2,8,9,0,1,3,0,17,4,20,25,1,19,0,1,0,1,2,7,2,2,10,83,22,1,0.13266857787992314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021918235773316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201394724707108,0.11077272095953568,0.08087353369038099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733457593716705,0.0,0.2947297640692278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715061518358768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762634446253162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042337098557982,0.0,0.0,0.12264996245700588,0.13862771249727945,0.0,0.07539861015773734,0.0,0.10610718123581099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309827541959096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889249512193134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965593448505848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714878486899392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336496347717405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232218601939158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541468837055006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618238869504867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6078856308844671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503856458370052,0.0,0.0997502597574677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813910807839295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049660278735173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959792309035212,0.0,0.0,0.11458305499262318,0.0,0.10946547092840722,0.1565027291158121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Doctor_Pibb_PhD,2019/01/31,"Help with sex My wife has BPD and is in some deep therapy.  Her father was physically abusive and her mother was a textbook narcissist.  This has caused some serious issues for her, which are very difficult for her. 

I'm writing this because, unlike most BPD people in this sub, we have a hard time with our sex life.  I'm not trying to minimize my role in this, but I've been working with my therapists for years, and putting lots of work into myself to deal with my side of things.  However, as long as she has some issues on her side, there's nothing I can do to overcome them.

She wants sex all the time, but things need to be ""just right"".  She needs to feel comfortable enough.  She can't be sick (she has Crohn's disease, and a host of other little health issues).  It's really tough for me to manage her emotions and the objective logistics.  

What makes it most difficult for me is that when we try to talk about it, she only sees me through the lens of her abusive parents.  She thinks I'm lying, or trying to hurt her intentionally. She gives up on trying to work with her issues, and blames me for all our problems.  

I'm not trying to exaggerate, but I don't know how to overcome this obstacle.  If she can't empathize with me and behaves like I'm her enemy, how can we have sex?  I know that deep down she doesn't think of me as her enemy, but that's what BPD is all about, right?  How can we overcome this obstacle?",4.419318013343219,5.1594656760563415,5.238769458858414,84.12609710896962,70.05633802816901,8.655003706449223,26.91919940696813,8.841846274778883,1.8232492957746482,1108,34,230,19,19,361,138,284,0.16899999999999998,0.784,0.047,-0.9904,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,6,0,1,3,8,8,0,0,6,0,23,7,0,6,3,52,39,20,0,5,9,4,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,18,18,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,3,42,2,42,34,10,21,0,1,1,4,38,15,0,8,6,162,60,5,0.0,0.2513860497831207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466824975854239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008299058778282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897821143446344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936866970313394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933101125378308,0.0,0.10961385549935278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363961287123005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017661127986707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950310559240122,0.0,0.0,0.11276307758970885,0.0,0.0,0.0711063396491692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356586769578195,0.0,0.0,0.4428994692928332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660275584082487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493076239173829,0.05182762690156978,0.10632474095704143,0.0,0.09388162306904248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018942010195133,0.0,0.0,0.07081236241404433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732092482794546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179113278674318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068219630804208,0.0,0.0,0.1177945074057744,0.0,0.0,0.07354577512757852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150873285928816,0.0,0.10664442640345967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796057662034473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119151191564006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453577274231003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526686513218802,0.0,0.0,0.12131710222666725,0.12317251561768253,0.140955924506279,0.13594958718838127,0.0,0.0,0.1237176858120622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601227457213375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753098932261273,0.06257150585939213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316927797780533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831507002986258
bpd,makmak111,2019/01/31,"DAE feel like they’re doing amazing, then get hit with a manic depressive episode out of nowhere? I know this is how BPD works sometimes, but every now and then it just hits so so hard. ",3.322072072072072,5.001801567567568,3.2524324324324314,93.71126126126127,73.86486486486487,6.014414414414415,25.84684684684685,6.42735559955562,0.7230792792792786,146,5,31,1,3,44,35,37,0.11900000000000001,0.774,0.107,-0.1208,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,7,7,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,18,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4784896172159624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272202152100626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320094755887701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209642883924585,0.27141133731648404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848989641358852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34032919878914064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879133713743486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560726877177547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757456291970901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765826298936227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tender--vittles,2019/01/31,"Can’t believe how good I’m doing... (tw suicide)

As is wont to happen, I had a massive falling out with my primary group of friends back in October. I never got to say my piece during the final confrontation and feeling like I haven’t gotten adequate “closure” has tormented me ever since... and probably/definitely in part contributed to my recent suicide attempt (I was just released from the hospital a week ago). 

Part of the condition for my discharge from the hospital was that I set up an appointment with a new psychiatrist, went back to my old DBT group (I had to stop because of my schedule at a new job), and continued seeing my current therapist. Yesterday was my first day back at DBT and we went over DEAR scripts and such, which I had been through before so it was somewhat familiar with me, but I realized how well it would apply to this situation with my former friends. So last night I wrote out scripts for some of the people involved and in one case even directly sent it to one of them. I don’t expect any/if any responses and I don’t really care... just doing that alleviated so much hurt and anger and stress... it seems like such a simple thing, but I will literally do anything to avoid confrontation and I’m also very triggered by anger, so the fact that I was willing to communicate with someone directly is a huge step for me. 

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m starting to create a life that’s worth living to me. I know things will still be hard, I know I have a lot of big things to tackle, but I finally feel like I’m working towards that goal, and I’m finally on the right medication, and I feel aware enough to know when I might be getting discouraged so I can reach out to my therapist or whoever. I feel like I can make positive statements about myself and where my life is going. It’s not 100% perfect, but it’s miles away from where I was just a few weeks ago.",6.311230263988882,5.976923644562341,7.061295945433876,76.411741821397,65.87002652519894,10.7883794366553,34.66325628394594,10.398101306919678,3.4717044082354427,1502,63,296,34,21,500,197,377,0.09699999999999999,0.7859999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.5453,2,1,0,0,0,2,44.0,1,0,1,6,24,20,4,2,18,0,32,4,0,4,4,60,59,28,2,2,9,0,6,5,2,6,4,1,0,0,16,22,0,3,11,0,1,6,7,8,1,4,16,8,43,12,50,35,9,58,0,2,1,0,10,20,0,6,36,215,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293167980321982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349423251524283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062496712410185236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562775862092637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634523186937253,0.2120015773690348,0.0,0.05602278633608049,0.0,0.07820208455433965,0.10354241592247526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370051523844797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059269377716156764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495963829302584,0.0,0.0607005994325691,0.08313088779369521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323428098220673,0.26262007309859325,0.0,0.3020234177445127,0.0,0.15634409122346293,0.0,0.0,0.14200697107366034,0.0,0.04801515627614029,0.0,0.052230192427052916,0.07708328519815623,0.0735026611530965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126889640670573,0.0,0.08232640532566425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838330811097834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119884753595217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152129447741372,0.07491263687590162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473992757554665,0.22449409710746016,0.0,0.0811514106626418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781320451846493,0.0,0.0,0.06134549588534464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258189411356163,0.0,0.09749381233582376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755876161283875,0.0,0.07088071589342286,0.17751961936428076,0.0,0.08624407870305684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643599950669286,0.0,0.12455074777413724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904246044607388,0.0,0.06371348012785036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887496379589996,0.0,0.09074242963969543,0.0,0.0,0.07848405821916034,0.0,0.07308439407688122,0.0,0.0,0.07323423089044243,0.08366439822265695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760225285372453,0.1033020307074667,0.0,0.0,0.07786851675063955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504891777986037,0.0,0.07339329190860237,0.07683443415799426,0.10527376900023012,0.0,0.0,0.2010523898816105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134112969097464,0.1831674045046387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358896757003959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582901858200848,0.0,0.0,0.14743695599278198,0.0,0.08263120068467153,0.17038869733327058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690596568168197,0.0,0.0,0.06528475392399148,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marsupialsi,2019/01/31,"Some loving please? Hey sooo, I'm currently sat in my bed crying.

​

I have been invited to some friends' house but they are so far away (45min in the public transport) that I can't cope to go to them. I think it's because I'm currently on a comedown from a pill I took Saturday? Like I even got a mail saying I got to the next stage of the interview and I'm not happy I'm just sat there crying and being useless and waiting for my SO to come back and cuddle me, but this won't be till like 1am ? 

I'm so convinced that all my friends are like, happy I'm not coming to hang. Like relieved even ? I don't know I'm just not feeling right. I really need some loving and support",0.2949657534246555,2.381964849315072,2.4358732876712352,93.85120719178086,85.43835616438356,5.293835616438357,20.76883561643836,6.6274283507984215,0.29083698630137,532,17,119,6,16,179,87,146,0.163,0.627,0.21,0.8695,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,10,14,0,0,6,0,9,4,0,0,1,23,32,11,0,1,7,0,1,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,1,3,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,6,2,14,13,14,23,4,19,0,1,0,3,11,6,0,3,10,71,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744482777453315,0.18778391504482214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451961128778402,0.11883229022042907,0.0,0.09420660101869477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662463279514916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395114935489568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041454031948716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814044183080289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387955855239887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782906422374985,0.0,0.24720069549994936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290229838894076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831926550982374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849315493939577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30200319863254066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789581039645617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145900009084488,0.0,0.0,0.16435583075727822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696393253649586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990027556115748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197694799800874,0.0,0.12289699966350348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537100093842842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902346643624987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170044899623635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778391504482214,0.0
bpd,napping-bee,2019/01/31,"Good bye okay phase & hello pit of sorrow These last few days I’ve been ok, not happy, not depressed, just ok. When I’m on my ok phase I dread the arrival of my pit of sorrow & demise phase. Well, it arrived today. 

My most prominent BPD symptom is “Love”  I cried at work today, no one saw me, because I started thinking of what a failure I am. I don’t understand why I’m not good enough? I’m smart, funny, [pretty](https://imgur.com/a/4WrXP8L) (so I’m told), no kids, no debt, a full time job & I have my own car which is payed off. Why am I never “The One”? Why do I not deserve to be happy? Where’s my person? I’ve been searching for my person for a long time & each day I feel like I get further & further away from him. Where are you? Are you looking for me too? Then when someone good comes along I ruin it. I’m tired. 

I try not to tell anyone this ‘cause I’m tired of hearing the same mediocre stuff.... “When you stop looking is when you’ll find your person.” “Just be patient, he’ll come & when he does it’ll be magical.” “You are worth it.” “You need to put yourself out there.” I’ve put myself out there through dating apps, Tinder, OKC, Bumble, Hinge & I’ve eve posted on R4R but nothing ever comes of it.

I just needed to vent. If you got this far thanks 😊",0.19121241631162533,2.393644664150948,1.8148143639683487,97.27687766281193,87.26415094339623,4.023128423615337,18.359707851491173,5.181179040167988,-0.5834832623250152,976,26,219,4,31,316,149,265,0.133,0.7709999999999999,0.096,-0.7781,2,0,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,8,0,2,16,19,0,1,6,4,18,4,0,1,2,29,43,9,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,4,11,7,0,1,4,0,3,6,10,5,1,2,5,5,31,14,23,32,7,40,0,4,3,1,21,13,0,2,22,124,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6390195310377221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058911923836472174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915882604681111,0.0,0.0,0.051360079789287034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611418547578808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655143220152604,0.0,0.2177304854329636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254838413389994,0.10867292284613543,0.0,0.07256731464782458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373070255366522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705626618129507,0.0,0.0,0.07621200781455396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260104158097967,0.060190633092116086,0.0,0.0,0.07700606496975818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044018914779492636,0.0,0.0,0.21200321889280674,0.06738512645374578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937858411552104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495968511049692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360848134254423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867775165788688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116194674964744,0.0,0.0,0.07456159196479346,0.14150324261540362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760419669246157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494563068981733,0.06498140242381023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808433925657381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418454457298599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070041064843013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806914503801592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939584014150358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713876173418847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596349775846251,0.0,0.0,0.07043960015208688,0.0,0.0,0.0964499651960522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757152416977028,0.0,0.0,0.07364116967784508,0.0775691945486694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398616532368385,0.0,0.0,0.09825764943969437,0.19367373737582505,0.15972470970905725,0.08050771730994997,0.0,0.05720251598967014,0.0,0.0,0.08771074224544274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575390903961662,0.0,0.2280767180329837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613374657086165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnotherGoyaBean,2019/01/31,"Sorry and thank you. I’m not diagnosed in any way, I’ve been even dodging the idea of getting profesional help just because I’m afraid of the outcome or the domino effect is gonna cause. But I’m so grateful that this subreddit exists. It’s become so surreal the fact that I can relate to most of these posts, and how the redditors express their feelings. Especially when every point of view can easily reach and touch deep inside my soul. This is the first time I got the courage to type anything in a while, every time I think about the idea of writing how I feel or about venting I get cold feet, or I’m not sure to describe it as regret or stage fright, I just become mute. I’m gonna give it a shot a few times anyway. I’m curious of how can writing about my daily events can affect or neutralize the way I perceive or feel things. So, thank you if you took a few minutes to read a bunch of nothing, you guys are great and never let anyone tell you how to feel, the way you feel is beautiful.",5.966991978609627,5.229700681372549,6.5084135472370805,81.4319518716578,66.69607843137257,9.37896613190731,30.80035650623886,8.575989854853784,2.150996078431373,785,25,163,10,11,257,116,204,0.049,0.812,0.139,0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,6,1,2,15,8,0,2,15,0,10,2,1,7,3,39,31,22,0,2,12,0,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,10,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,8,16,5,18,25,4,18,1,1,1,0,14,4,0,8,8,101,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940912651516351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674629816614816,0.0,0.11386057305737166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434451414155475,0.3056210879055392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421364321715118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043505558835842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138714623238726,0.0,0.2331527983475831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498012628498081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769109745843888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445774225954079,0.13272994664502585,0.0,0.0,0.11066115501428653,0.15254517794702804,0.0,0.13700065816912418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274148739894282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31238890997633123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148506142104608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671371302690896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327625793317876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307973137086587,0.0,0.13251305694255386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383999730102399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488552458965693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040504720797186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093494992173298,0.2547712563298601,0.0,0.0,0.09192191695496836,0.08865712248253839,0.0,0.0,0.2420409120278728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372586200833724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294772085492969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xbowsnbruisesx,2019/01/31,"Stigma from doctors ?? Hey guys! I've just returned from the psychiatrist's appointment I've been waiting 3.5 months for. I was pretty confident in my self diagnosis, and today it was confirmed. 

A common conception floating around is lack of knowledge/understanding of the illness in the medical community. This resonates, as my GP brushed it off very quickly as anxiety. The other component, which I see again and again, is that health professionals do not like to take on borderline patients bc we are difficult or unpleasant to be around. 

I can see how I would be difficult to treat. My issues are widespread and super complex. But I haven't yet encountered any negative treatment from anyone on my healthcare team. That includes ER staff, social workers, psychologists, etc. The Psychiatrist was actually the most friendly doctor I've met. 

TL;DR 

My question is, has anyone else experienced refusal of service or poor treatment due to their BPD? BC after seeing it all over the internet I was very scared that would happen to me. And if those instances are actually few and far between, we need to stop the fear mongering bc it's a barrier to service. ",5.2692364532019695,8.279371034482764,5.923179802955669,70.67462192118231,72.64532019704434,8.986108374384234,34.78054187192118,9.516144504307137,4.160602167487685,932,50,139,25,20,302,135,203,0.16399999999999998,0.762,0.07400000000000001,-0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,1,3,8,8,0,2,10,0,19,5,0,1,1,28,27,12,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,2,11,9,0,4,2,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,6,5,15,4,26,17,5,20,0,0,3,0,12,9,0,5,12,103,26,8,0.0,0.0,0.2872683412110259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009282787021984,0.0,0.11259835028330195,0.0,0.0,0.20583442158673013,0.1508114103420243,0.0,0.26205689576290625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537802338780152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013061309049932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295661425361858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415342993892068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562732237306632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371701617484367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573917434450268,0.13015778503436026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645386829801772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362594015509295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190857935751321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827633701092752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748398759872385,0.0,0.0,0.1091379721964951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974302214434326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488414767070936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473607776716282,0.0,0.3518691296246665,0.0,0.15354909335367314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003954110522605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230556855888072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066699252853653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951693093291173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153227807898003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428908853535062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911614019552133,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sadboi9001,2019/01/31,"I fell in love with a girl with BPD I just want to sort of vent to a community that might understand. Let me start by saying I don't catch feelings easily, it usually takes time but her it was instantaneous. So I was seeing a girl for a few months and she was perfect. Honestly she was perfect for me. We had such great times together, and she constantly reminded me how much she wanted to be with me, and spend time with me. After our first date she informed me of her BPD and other struggles with mental illness but I didn't mind. My ex girlfriend was severely depressed so I'm fully prepared to handle mental illness. I learnt that I am very patient and supportive to the person I am with. I always tried to assure her of how wonderful she was, told her she looked amazing, I just wanted to make her happy. She consistently told me ""You're too good for me"", which really hurt because she didn't see in herself what I saw. Unfortunately after awhile her mental health got worse, and she blocked me out. Unfortunately we never got to talk things through because she had difficulty opening up. I insisted that I wanted to stay by her side and support her and help her, but I saw that she really needed to be alone. I messaged her after a week of not speaking to make sure she was okay and she kind of snapped and told me to never contact her again, that her feelings went away and she would like to be left alone. I haven't spoken to her in months now but I think about her alot, with BellLetsTalk being yesterday she was on my mind a lot. I really wanted support her but maybe now is not the right time for that. I hope she's doing well now, I want to message her and see how she's doing but I just don't think that would be the best thing for her. Do you guys think I handled the situation wrong? Is this a 500 Days of Summer situation and I'm being selfish? What do you think? ",2.818857994842041,4.762172305851064,4.168529980657642,85.47015151515154,75.94148936170212,7.11076724693746,24.159896840747905,8.00094639256281,1.3205719858156026,1481,48,299,24,33,488,173,376,0.125,0.68,0.195,0.9871,0,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,3,2,0,4,16,24,0,1,12,1,33,4,0,5,6,72,71,24,0,10,11,1,2,1,1,3,3,2,0,4,16,24,0,1,9,0,1,3,9,5,1,1,20,10,75,19,47,41,5,39,0,2,6,1,59,11,0,6,25,226,91,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762681713873546,0.0,0.0,0.07080692453927045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995075925995314,0.0,0.0,0.10374780880092882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930329918958142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435157949471687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919588511252349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488006282084603,0.0,0.07329330402295951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605447528112672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238285501412292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713747249780694,0.13611854272874127,0.093818952638644,0.0,0.0842586991815334,0.0,0.09058657581992413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045336975457603,0.0,0.0,0.0570382448728746,0.0,0.0,0.08451981003076076,0.0,0.0,0.0910973311633286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861468397861932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245736067961978,0.08701671501636195,0.0,0.041573745589733216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145944583713687,0.0,0.0,0.07234581690041703,0.07680271796410988,0.0,0.11360485963212405,0.0,0.0854906541871303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572711158031357,0.09027370881566132,0.1718459756067107,0.0,0.13584608276053772,0.0,0.06255555945208542,0.06309781573792693,0.13126299923871795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430279216912948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163544574088547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267176089025,0.0,0.0676719799112949,0.0,0.0,0.2034321607602211,0.0,0.0,0.0961345783162224,0.0,0.0,0.19130357541112888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023158723351399,0.090701315465004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896111157924877,0.0,0.0,0.2896987611989686,0.08020223983804534,0.0,0.06398181459945051,0.06839716904214094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306837868380565,0.2181050489358921,0.0,0.0,0.19848130822850527,0.0,0.0,0.24393943594147596,0.0,0.057774790422602224,0.0,0.0,0.0885882318875002,0.0,0.0,0.09372153362684436,0.07021334563951909,0.30115195558213903,0.0,0.06825910545027111,0.0,0.07651177824498273,0.07888510706484905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922832891604554,0.0,0.0,0.08672038255446067,0.1208999161000285,0.09303942703528552,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cariad_Bach,2019/01/31,"I could die from lack of attention. You busy? 
Personal attack on me.


Going through a hard time?
Why are your problems more important than me.


With other people?
Wow, you're ignoring me. 


Not telling important people about me?
You must be ashamed of me. 

That last one is pretty fair though.


I am pretty shameful.

",1.2403827751196168,3.5561032456140365,2.164242424242424,88.77545454545456,104.26315789473685,5.581499202551835,22.72567783094099,6.980632752743323,1.4973649122807018,243,10,43,5,11,76,46,57,0.29600000000000004,0.493,0.21100000000000002,-0.77,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,2,6,1,2,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,10,1,8,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854658164785536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034488190505645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604227274014005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260766114872742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478140647619213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045390881964827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003470606777726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34792253148860697,0.219099876689276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510566168456451,0.0,0.2401033590531897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932135715015275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24653461486459946,0.0,0.14631761771147578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264226906053424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaydiacide,2019/01/31,"Slowly killing myself in a very painful way Hi.  I have BPD, and diabetes.  I don't take my insulin, and haven't checked my blood sugar since I don't know when.  

I think I've always known this, but it really hit home last night when I was basically eating exclusively candy and crap, that I've been killing myself every day.  It's taking a long time, and I'll likely lose my vision or a limb before it actually works, but that's what I'm doing.  The thing is that I can't seem to want to feel any better.  I have no desire to live, and can't seem to give a shit about trying to make my life worth living.  

Any other BPD/Diabetics deal with this?  How have you been able to break the cycle?  It occurs to me that all I really have to do it just take a massive dose of insulin to make it all stop, and I'm getting to that point, if for no other reason than to stop the misery that I'm causing myself.",4.480750360750363,4.0988593068783095,5.845300625300628,83.75735930735931,69.68783068783068,8.354208754208754,24.589225589225588,7.686295010490155,1.0280645502645505,695,14,153,7,11,236,109,189,0.205,0.7340000000000001,0.062,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,0,3,5,8,4,0,8,0,15,11,3,5,2,29,32,13,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,1,0,18,7,2,2,7,0,2,0,7,6,0,0,3,2,17,2,17,28,2,13,0,1,0,0,4,2,2,4,10,93,35,1,0.13482597597872736,0.0,0.13157070367438506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218601269804614,0.0,0.0,0.1833725740905063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472697515554148,0.0,0.0,0.1192426192364625,0.0,0.0,0.3396171938763366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850341685451253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869516006315791,0.13899966104532938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796063276804096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359669975873975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817206452214912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044100771194213,0.12933736163484347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524144694480336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983299325804408,0.0,0.07409683039402247,0.10990116540596404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523157411158753,0.06586916154010387,0.0,0.23810761383120702,0.11931674601513735,0.0,0.15083577997117534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799947718133237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652504509394302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434643443794714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745412690661126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274594525679535,0.13862355854072145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454810096430209,0.0,0.0,0.1383969268408275,0.11152944058279564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22544110605156825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30411706390878696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957238751228218,0.08639104137286567,0.0,0.0,0.07861811083497358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153798748005597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124555030092753,0.0795238538528381,0.10701858409930064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981549162821374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,majora969,2019/01/31,"I (27m) wish I could tell you (32f).... I want to text you or call you and break all no contact.  But yesterday you texted me to tell me how I put you and my unborn child through a lot of heartache...
All I could tell you was I'm so sorry...I'm so ashamed of my actions..BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? What about all I've endured in this relationship? all the sacrifices I made? I used to be your white knight placed on a pedestal and now you paint me as this horrible man not worthy of meeting my own child. The one night I stand up for myself you paint me as an abuser? After all the punches in the face, all the degrading, all the spats in my face the one night I didn't walk away but stood my ground and told you how I felt. I'm sorry I pushed you. I'm sorry I yelled in your face with such intense anger I could not just keep walking away to come back to this a week later on an endless cycle.
We were supposed to get married in a week. Now I'm on an air mattress in my friends spare bedroom.

....I wish I could tell you those things...I wish I could but I'm so addicted to you. I never loved like I love you. So I will continue to come back. I want to hold your hand in the doctors office while we look at the ultra sound. I want to wrap you up in my arms despite all the pain you have caused me. I need you and I don't know why. Are you still who I thought you were? I can't believe you could have BPD but it's so hard not to ignore all the red flags. Am I still the man you fell in love with? I'm in so much grief. And I can't talk to you. I wait like a crack fiend for any breadcrumb of love or even hate you give out...

Thank you for letting me vent here. I will continue to not talk to her. I just hope she comes around. That she remembers me for who I really am...",-0.19406250000000114,1.635417718750002,1.5519166666666668,101.03475000000002,85.35416666666666,4.881666666666667,17.933333333333334,5.985473137389443,-0.6059997916666666,1340,32,343,10,40,436,179,384,0.145,0.763,0.092,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,1,0,56.0,2,26,0,0,23,16,2,1,20,0,22,13,6,5,10,65,57,23,1,14,12,0,3,2,1,2,3,2,2,4,10,15,0,4,4,0,0,8,10,7,0,2,9,8,78,9,50,38,12,50,1,1,3,4,54,23,0,4,19,232,88,1,0.0,0.10522599716233152,0.0,0.09681662482626796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060394229671813626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906023181954848,0.0,0.0,0.1668808986417988,0.1365796851347721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005909442009783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185379770772516,0.0,0.09068551652313976,0.0,0.0,0.09123291429299343,0.0,0.2295073138735096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42544805762197824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090137654516113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865854061708833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527206979561566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861482224642207,0.0,0.04639985471294402,0.08519518649354624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795568221038565,0.0876820464697596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820892998093427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893891080727496,0.0,0.0,0.04880796394951952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908148198541342,0.0,0.08677671216807738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457850712194312,0.0,0.0,0.07550356650186305,0.3206200093812791,0.08403470399127164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528598397960109,0.06585190866320019,0.06849618275716374,0.0,0.0,0.16668539819632242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036067461432537,0.0,0.09450070281386252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278813810246388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892791475087048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056894322089649826,0.0,0.0,0.0953493104277217,0.10060505760629188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988323130703387,0.0,0.0,0.14184846392579886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276513619083034,0.3104973933192139,0.08176483621388891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705056684060476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486230078967666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670381352252828,0.0,0.0,0.15714831679045616,0.0,0.14247695661012072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801377213496245,0.0,0.3063833005858009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hitwonda,2019/01/31,Do you guys always feel like first dates go terrible? Idk I just never feel like anyone enjoys spending time with me til they hang with me a few times. I just went on another first date the girl says she had a good time but idk. I’m self conscious about people liking me,2.396181818181816,4.3874089818181865,3.0745454545454542,92.6118181818182,77.36363636363637,5.854545454545455,18.272727272727273,6.742157984588678,-0.06434545454545447,214,4,45,2,5,67,43,55,0.084,0.7240000000000001,0.192,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,2,3,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,7,2,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,2,3,8,5,5,5,1,13,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,12,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903435598683356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398709173366828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995171791247792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313321087477374,0.3268470808065243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38915996949367626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000747218843664,0.19186992409780945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265046936644359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33527630739934994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643095443465526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859080946942233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191618465945986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386427019979718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001688996665677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120593740939912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sweetpotatoking99,2019/01/31,"A Weekend Romance with a Female...BPD? I met a beautiful French girl sitting by the river last weekend.

We spend the entire day exploring the city together, and our connection was so intense that it seemed unreal. After three days of it, I feel like my mind was shot through a blender. I'm an Empath, and I looked into BPD/Narcissism about 1,5 years ago when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. Now it all came crashing back.

I'm very socially experienced guy. I go out to meet women and date often. I know how the ""game"" works.  She almost beat me at it, though. I know what it feels like to be ""tested"" by a girl. But with her, it was like she was aggressive attacking my self-esteem. *She made me tear up several times*. When my defenses finally kicked in, I got up from a date and just walked away. She ran after me. She didn't apologize. The situation was so ridiculous that I told her to kiss me. I wanted to see her reaction. We made out. Then I left because I could see her try to push-pull AGAIN. She didn't even acknowledge that I had left her before.

We met again the next day, and I came prepared. Defenses were up. I treated her like little girl and didn't take anything she said seriously. Suddenly she was the sweetest little thing. It was a freaking acid trip.

Here is some of the things she said to me during the combined 10 hours we spend together. Please note, all of these things were delivered in a manner that you would deliver solicited feedback with. Cold, neutral, without a hint of a smile. If anything, I saw pride.

* You don’t give me anything.
* I don’t really care if you are here or not. It’s the same. I’m happy with or without you. It’s just a weekend. Isn’t it the same for you?
* You are not stable. You can’t be a coach. (My dream career.)
* Your game is over. Are you sad?
* You just want a girl to love you first. And you're sad because I don't.
* You are wearing a mask, you a playing a game.
* You are trying to dominate with your eyes, trying to win a power game.
* You are not that special. You are just normal. You are like every other guy.
* You the kind of guy who doesn’t work on his brain.

**I don't know what I want exactly, but I guess I just want to hear that I am not crazy.** ***Please tell me that this is not normal.*** It's like my mind understands, but my heart says she was special. It's like the wound from by past relationship, probably BPD or Narcissism opened up again.

I'm not sure if I'm imagining things, but I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I've learned a lot about myself this weekend, but I'm also already attached to her. We didn't even have sex, but still she's got me. This can't be love.

I'm 26, she's 24.

**I would be very grateful if I could get feedback on this!**

Some more facts about her:

The told me I she has daddy issues. Her dad told her he doesn't know her better than his new girlfriend.

She's dating older men, the last one was 42. She told me she is looking for a father in them. She told me I AM like her father.

She told me she needs a guy who doesn't love her.

She doesn't answer questions about herself, only sporadically if I really pushed her.

*This is basically all know about her. I am not even kidding.*

​

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bpd,emikttyy888,2019/01/31,i’m mad @ my boyfriend i’m pissed @ my boyfriend for literally no reason  it’s weird obviously i haven’t told him thiss bc it’s unnecessary i’m just a bit angry today ,-1.3445,-0.22017705714285365,1.961964285714288,88.7886607142857,119.57142857142857,5.178571428571429,18.660714285714285,6.6274283507984215,0.6584999999999996,133,5,29,3,8,47,26,35,0.39899999999999997,0.601,0.0,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417839759181944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102347169146073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703934898156138,0.47419470877734604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,girl-on-the-moon,2019/01/31,"The wait for help is driving me crazy This is my first time posting and at the moment I feel very bad so please be gentle with me. 

So I found out I have BPD a while ago and the waiting lists are very long so for months i know this big thing about myself and I don’t know what to do about it and how to handle it. I recognize a few things about myself and now I know that I do them that way because of the BPD but I don’t know how to fix it. It’s frustrating and painfull. In this journey i feel very lonely because i only have a few friends and they never ask me how i’m doing, they only talk about themselfs. It makes me feel really shitty and sad and unwanted. (The reason i feel bad at this moment btw). 

My boyfriend told me about this ‘group’ (idk if that’s the word sorry im a reddit virgin) and I read the posts everyday and they make me feel like i’m not alone and crazy. I wish I had friends like you people who get me and understand what i’m going through and be there for me and ask about me. Instead I got friends who never ask how im doing and only talk about themselfs. Instead I have to try to make myself feel less lonely by reading posts from people all around the world. I wanted to write a post a while ago but now it feels like i’m also just venting my issues on here and I don’t even know if that’s allowed. 

I do have a question: is there anyone here who also has to wait until they can get help? How are you dealing with that? The wait is killing me and driving me crazy and at this point I am ready to destroy every friendship I have because my friends are bad friends anyways. I feel like pushing everything and everyone away because I feel like it doesn’t matter to them anyways. 

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bpd,yande-rae,2019/01/31,"SO bullies me I (18m) always talk to her(18f) about my BPD, and when she’s in a good mood, she fully understands and promises to give me the love and reassurance I need when I’m feeling off, and most times she’s what keeps me grounded. I tell her time and time again that my happiness is based on her, and she’s okay with that for the most part. But when she isn’t in a good mood even slightly, she refuses to understand at all and completely disregards the talks we had, she won’t believe me when I tell her this is the worst feeling in the world for me, she acts cold to me and doesn’t give me reassurance like she said she would, and I don’t need a lot at all, I need less than a little, just a “you’re okay, I’m just upset” but I never get it. I get lightheaded and dizzy, my hands shake, my heart drops into the deepest pit in my stomach when she’s upset with me or at something, and I explain to her time and time again why I get bad like this, and tell her all I need is a little reassurance to ground me, she just makes it worse, doesn’t give me an explanation and lets my head run wild and create all this panic, and for me, it’s just tiring me out, that’s a feeling I constantly fear and fall apart as soon as I feel, and she offers nothing to help at times and it feels awful.",4.305091240875914,3.90932252919708,5.2142974452554745,88.18013229927006,70.05839416058393,8.601824817518247,26.614051094890513,8.07648339933343,1.2499788321167884,999,26,236,12,16,328,126,274,0.13699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.115,-0.9355,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,0,15,21,0,5,14,3,11,6,4,1,5,56,35,30,0,5,7,0,6,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,11,24,0,3,8,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,2,8,50,12,28,30,10,39,0,0,0,1,36,18,0,4,18,161,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902181236592748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053018343769582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215762636278853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655724656343396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368134538751523,0.11716869580714548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716135612581504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200804974398327,0.2741141965585888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699424569499101,0.312032858779191,0.0,0.18188316484913503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542022129007427,0.0,0.0,0.11127513069574166,0.0,0.0,0.1284839162111061,0.07267486143103169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637294868365004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087170932577413,0.0,0.10594176614784594,0.21734027806432327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217889207620038,0.09785761988308866,0.0,0.07237439940567658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215824768503964,0.08362389395007583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040365248258246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721314747684884,0.0,0.11741349811514205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313681877898806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347071220228501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429550272772718,0.28430417629351784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793402550597156,0.12461836364812315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257480920457261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783652229643194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049413949251242,0.07702187075685621,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MarziNam,2019/01/31,"When to throw in the towel on a relationship? How do you determine whether it's your internal problems causing you strife with your SO, or whether you're having a rational response to their behaviour. Putting up with emotional stress vs being alone",7.740606060606062,9.44300881818182,7.025454545454547,70.81651515151519,63.09090909090909,11.321212121212122,41.93939393939394,11.20814326018867,5.3749939393939385,204,12,32,6,3,63,37,44,0.166,0.7979999999999999,0.035,-0.7096,1,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,1,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,3,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712134488577321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681945068347811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031725448632905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429580770558473,0.0,0.3603095652740951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848073099717656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105671544811394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crazy_for_oatmeal,2019/01/31,"WHY is having casual sex tied to BPD? Just realised that promiscuity is a BPD symptom. I always thought it was just a personality/worldview thing? 

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bpd,_crywank_,2019/01/31,"Did anyone else think you had (self-diagnosed) BPD before you actually got diagnosed? I remember seeing a meme of emotional baggages including substance abuse, social anxiety, BPD and the such. Curious, I Googled all of those I've never heard of before (or didn't know much about), and when I got to BPD, the symptoms, description, and everything else just fit me.

I don't know, I don't normally self-diagnose, but learning about my new found knowledge at the time really hit me, hard.",6.4560606060606025,7.83941309090909,7.025454545454547,70.81651515151519,65.81818181818181,11.775757575757575,35.12121212121212,11.538034831475384,4.710562121212122,384,18,64,13,6,126,62,88,0.07400000000000001,0.868,0.057999999999999996,-0.3062,0,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,2,16,14,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,3,10,0,7,6,2,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,4,38,11,1,0.0,0.16102706360239766,0.1326252090104864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396815519318847,0.0,0.0,0.09502903476731908,0.1392523431816963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312929646830923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135087074498906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138269277384951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270650026503097,0.15287660039591885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214406314417466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901454077548648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739380103587072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174559327918925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938139484823612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999069676518274,0.0,0.10481952630340716,0.13125941362742133,0.0,0.0,0.13315958435768951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706522977978444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395565208946782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829994159021787,0.0,0.2835603883609568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385396345105801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412589654694692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708344334059016,0.0,0.0,0.07924821476445365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GrumpySmileyLemon,2019/01/31,"Just broke up. Again. Need some of your thoughts if some... Yesterday I just broke up with my gf. The relationship was 5 months old and over 50 serious conflicts during this time. I can say we argued more than we smiled. I grew tired of arguing with her. We had a fight yesterday and she said it's over. She was my 2nd relationship, I had another relationship before which lasted 3 years and I almost killed myself then. I have BPD and doing CBT for 8 months. I can't say I want to kill myself now, but I feel so rubbish, so zero, so empty, worthless, unwanted, neglected, I feel like the first loaf of bread. I feel used. I feel like I was a tool. She never apologised for anything. Everytime I was the one who fell in knees and cried and begged for mercy. So... I feel now I want to share this with you guys... I feel so bad... I don't even know why I want to post this, but I wanted so badly to do it...",0.7813043478260866,2.9687171304347832,2.6838695652173925,92.20678260869568,84.21739130434783,6.288695652173913,18.43913043478261,7.554174236665415,0.3866639130434781,688,17,154,12,20,229,108,184,0.251,0.672,0.077,-0.9799,0,0,0,0,1,1,38.0,3,2,0,1,12,15,5,0,5,0,12,3,1,1,1,38,27,16,2,7,5,0,6,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,7,12,1,2,8,0,0,2,3,12,0,3,8,9,33,3,19,19,3,22,0,4,0,0,22,5,0,4,16,105,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025585030183173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639971957758254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704436226338468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172219331665414,0.0,0.0,0.11068809153455818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383060301001062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428862457198852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591629679035087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946326855230249,0.18585767154167465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064557408444206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879917683172418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28782743413389306,0.0,0.07148830285078811,0.10603217107151623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271005667493789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076564652116804,0.0,0.0,0.09645231656633436,0.10032534571881596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649657552550598,0.0,0.08814524989255121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458022378685794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189701738544584,0.0,0.0,0.12373541235138168,0.206888912167256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032686096253026,0.07585041474838597,0.1495072738824517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234694109715793,0.0,0.0,0.3068970868450062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737653509864185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376694667893478
bpd,isellyousleep,2019/01/31,"Boyfriend added girls back to Facebook. So my(31f) bf (31m) has removed so many guys from my Facebook.  Out of jealousy I removed girls I felt were a threat.  He added them back. They friend requested him but he accepted and has been commenting and liking things.  

This makes me want to hit up a guy just to piss him off. But I can't  I have to stop myself.   Its toxic to retaliate.  He would flip shit if I posted to a guys Facebook. 

What do I do? Do I add the guy I want to talk to just to be a bitch? Do I confront my boyfriend? Or do I just wait and watch him?",-0.4528531073446303,1.7151890254237332,1.2780000000000022,99.91135028248587,90.94915254237287,4.502598870056497,18.88361581920904,6.079149491110277,-0.32918485875706205,427,13,103,4,15,138,72,118,0.165,0.726,0.109,-0.8744,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,7,8,5,0,5,0,13,2,2,1,0,20,19,9,0,4,7,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,2,19,3,14,13,0,9,0,0,1,0,19,3,3,2,4,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963155244457258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500143749143486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886281966923745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7631274600393051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413291204466706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861429861444082,0.19534561063539088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845326035619829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778156328326765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108773294680734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548675638006037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800693796885387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22729337265434885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687317569074292,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fly0nAWindshield,2019/01/31,"On principle i hate the idea of being inauthentic, but i like being able to artificially imitate behaviors of socially adept ppl to keep minor friendships and everyday interactions running smoothly I have two sides of the acquaintances coin: 

​

\- those who don't know my inner world but think i'm stable, happy, and social

\- those who see the ""more authentic"" (is it really tho?) me and suffer my clumsy melodrama and risk being pushed away",8.35194805194805,9.844518220779221,8.652363636363637,60.45854545454546,61.59740259740259,12.393766233766234,34.88051948051948,11.979248473330829,5.076243636363637,361,15,51,12,5,119,60,77,0.107,0.7340000000000001,0.159,0.6956,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,10,12,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,2,6,2,7,9,1,8,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,36,11,0,0.24049676482477236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605781442091538,0.29222989294478124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595462722226156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25601327817514064,0.0,0.23744076506545336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714915741203428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376457473511726,0.0,0.0,0.13217073241393695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749457133256518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406838581836554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191644784344236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903123305342122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410061606596773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349303936871099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29222989294478124,0.0
bpd,_bittersweet,2019/01/31,"How/why do your relationships usually end? Romantic or non romantic. I'm curious if anyone noticed any patterns in themselves.


Basically I'm so depressed and afraid of abandonment I think I subconsciously put a wall up and push people away without realizing it (either when things are suspiciously good, or I've analyzed all their small behaviors and determined they hate me) and proceed to freak out more and more over time because it feels like they're pulling away, thus creating a situation that is impossible to win. Ultimately, I feel unwanted, and like I'm not getting any attention (like the way things are in the honeymoon stage of a relationship), and leave (or think about leaving), when really the problem is I cannot chill out.",9.463707742639038,9.503927213740461,9.45360959651036,60.61709923664125,59.30534351145039,14.203271537622685,43.141766630316255,13.25671669890799,6.275555288985823,599,32,96,22,7,197,92,131,0.157,0.68,0.163,-0.0051,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,1,5,11,1,1,6,0,6,0,0,1,1,27,15,14,0,3,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,0,2,8,5,14,15,4,21,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,4,9,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921875012604606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178433806221432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316687796288236,0.0,0.0,0.10273718862403787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515868985212405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492717201406944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043241608820506,0.12040122310469703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805242455385529,0.0,0.0,0.14135890999165074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639312405761356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569078248792922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470126236972793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918778725918525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684074023953325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126494645657502,0.0,0.16942392274451928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796764417333614,0.0,0.0,0.3618863901466898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944006373356814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393393137664588,0.21598046080546385,0.0,0.0,0.0982739386859956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856171612613184,0.0,0.0,0.1337749999375226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207635253838864,0.0,0.0,0.16246143628769885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShakaWTWF,2019/01/31,"Is anyone else not super promiscuous? I’m just wondering if anyone else is like this. Sexual promiscuity is the one symptom I don’t really exhibit, but I see it around here all the time. Like, I’ve done stuff in some of my relationships, but I don’t really sleep around all that much. Honestly, that kind of thing means a lot to me. Having sex with someone sends me into an emotional tailspin, so I don’t really think I’m the kind of person that do random hookups. I need to be really close to someone and actually know I can trust them before I have sex, which isn’t an easy thing for me to do. I just feel like this isn’t typical BPD behavior, and it sometimes makes me wonder if the rest of my problems are even real or if I’m just making it up.",6.209220779220778,5.150715474025977,7.548668831168832,75.22871753246757,66.33766233766234,11.596103896103894,30.288961038961038,10.9516,3.0695740259740263,589,17,122,15,8,204,91,154,0.048,0.8009999999999999,0.151,0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,8,9,0,0,7,0,16,4,1,2,2,33,29,9,0,5,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,1,2,15,8,15,27,6,8,0,0,1,2,4,6,0,9,4,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.12958250032175805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185697727003602,0.2721151874485787,0.0,0.2364199802620807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299330230686905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724256960602835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588882183456089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218556411599492,0.14936928105747285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770560555999697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714189653297517,0.09486418898099147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27655774663933785,0.07297713153634194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462138017263286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289210321840608,0.0,0.0,0.17727481821590094,0.0,0.0,0.14464569329322916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761488607241448,0.09846105044258548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998097925388818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594586725752748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270607387714253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114247658831995,0.3402710615916405,0.0,0.0,0.14256524152861835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581530706467092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288447958031668,0.0,0.2250226679642711,0.0,0.13133130225643466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201115614726415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801817976363287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764376659770143,0.08508556110030016,0.0,0.0,0.07743008958727897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880071039788368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bitchimasiren,2019/01/31,Any bpd support groups? Is there any what's app/Snapchat/similar bpd groups that I can become a member of? I'm so alone and stuck in my own head.,-1.009354838709676,1.0497319354838766,0.5312258064516122,102.29683870967743,100.61290322580645,3.7703225806451615,15.877419354838713,5.6839178017228535,-0.8070696774193546,114,3,27,1,5,36,27,31,0.175,0.735,0.09,-0.3695,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28916786477017503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797322869984777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083553889893584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7032873611242146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28654060840853085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168338013725689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kallonjain,2019/01/31,Crisis kits So a part of DBT is putting together a crisis kit and I’m having a hard time with it. I need things in the for depressive episodes BUT I also want to put stuff in for my manic episodes and I’m really not sure what to do. Any ideas?,-1.2325943396226398,0.8119026037735857,1.242806603773584,97.95213443396229,98.43396226415095,4.914150943396227,16.058962264150942,6.6274283507984215,-0.22484716981132014,190,5,45,3,8,64,41,53,0.209,0.763,0.027999999999999997,-0.8181,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,7,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,8,7,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826694239828945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560594295460128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507950805283226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444971823516649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081116940625461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237869858116372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29556325552475543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487524370981344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484988810347624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124465949999219,0.0,0.0,0.2572390934914993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132665181115346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915126531007334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609848141680647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MagicMaddy420,2019/01/31,"Small victory this week My mom has bpd like symptoms, and has caused a lot of stress, anxiety and fear in my life. She is one of the main reasons I have a fear of abandonement. Every fight turns into me being disowned or kicked out of the house. No matter how small. I used to let it get me down and I'd cry and let it effect my emotions so much. 

I am now living with my grandma, which is a small improvement, but I really hope to live on my own soon. My relationship with my mom has improved a bit since I've moved out, but yesterday she blew up at me again (this is why I have trust issues). 

I told her that I have an opportunity for 350 a month to move out and I was so excited to share the good news with her! But of course she had to ruin it by being passive aggressive and making it seem like shed disown me or hate me. She even said I'd get raped and it was a horrible idea (been raped before...). 

When I tried to reason with her, she wouldnt. Then I tried to tell her she was hurting me by doing this and she turned it around on me and said it was all my fault (gaslighting). I was still moved to tears during work but I got over it quick and I didnt dwell on it as much. I made an appointment with my therapist and I went on with my day. I didnt cry about it anymore, I didnt let her have power over me. I didnt become suicidal over it (big victory). Noticing small progress just feels so good! And I am moving out soon :) just wanted to share.",1.173836668217774,2.8749936416938127,2.907569799906933,93.74533794788276,80.00977198697069,6.340111679851093,19.43334108887855,7.310402129719878,0.21142075383899472,1116,26,262,15,28,370,156,307,0.16399999999999998,0.674,0.162,0.3651,1,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,0,0,5,16,23,5,4,11,0,30,4,0,8,1,51,47,25,1,3,8,2,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,16,24,0,1,6,0,0,5,6,13,0,1,17,3,49,10,42,24,7,39,0,3,0,2,22,22,0,5,14,189,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454410108691219,0.0,0.09663788521601456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867454793037472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076188203706914,0.08291734189180662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638319322562112,0.0,0.12272682574783288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010143780866797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407447763779364,0.06284307232744323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961095474437613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436059070382713,0.0,0.0821004509088321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193023224704103,0.04927042113495755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182053717943552,0.0,0.0,0.16346216726429896,0.07793456299178292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620539900152512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678349954160964,0.0,0.11243685218941196,0.10431540849037704,0.1100019838910126,0.0,0.10170582058866508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29892810436393635,0.06882730917292923,0.0952120594157167,0.0,0.1720889999611467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284307944221088,0.0,0.092203507479078,0.0650443717048623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282495754857191,0.077778566254461,0.41426857922065535,0.14326454253393567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094020499231268,0.0,0.0,0.06603031744564422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242487690389161,0.20037653711686276,0.0,0.10461797852064203,0.0,0.0,0.18538239024312655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887090101387245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060636779857543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781859924107412,0.0,0.11162133523903307,0.0,0.0,0.1065875023983181,0.0,0.0,0.10128122964019497,0.0,0.0,0.08517001716968009,0.0,0.0,0.11313955101250132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311155289325976,0.0,0.13231564056633466,0.2119813495798917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415999947513132,0.0,0.0,0.0574747705980231,0.0,0.07816339268453906,0.0,0.0,0.0903312101703966,0.08792770889731265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094011448217401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,YecatsMailbox,2019/01/31,"Peer to peer real time support chat.  

Hi everyone!

Two of my friends have created the following website which is an anonymous peer to peer support chat. You do have to register with a valid email address - only to make it so the community stays safe and not toxic. You choose a handle and do not have to give any personal details. If you're feeling lonely, come on over. We're friendly, supportive and interested in having you. =)

[http://steppingstonessupport.com/chat/](http://steppingstonessupport.com/chat/)

If this violates the group's rules, feel free to delete. The website above is free and makes zero money on users. It is simply created by two friends with huge hearts and a desire to lessen the loneliness we all feel from time to time. Hope to see you there.

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|:-|:-|:-|
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bpd,highendstripper,2019/01/31,"What should I do instead of killing myself? I'm feeling alone, unwanted, and easily replaceable. Just want some ideas on how to get my mind off attempting when I'm at my lowest because my logical side knows its never worth it. ",5.562480620155039,6.88503765116279,6.1906976744186055,76.20759689922484,67.83720930232559,10.38449612403101,32.93798449612403,10.504223727775694,3.751068217054264,181,8,32,5,3,59,38,43,0.253,0.643,0.10400000000000001,-0.8109,1,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,13,8,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990672257518742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348827352672743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482542108243667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130971659940647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349705632263095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42629085054036603,0.0,0.21175750336413934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890554727052331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971765154070434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272671133194678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,suitedconnectors78,2019/01/31,"I hate myself for putting him through this. I had a bad relapse. I took it out on the guy I’ve been dating. We’ve been dating for 2 years but have been more exclusive the last 6 months. Reason was my behavior was more toxic and then. It’s been a push/pull relationship from the beginning. I am tired of it. He is tired of it. I don’t know what to do. I felt the urge come, I was ok with throwing all the progress I had made in order to feel validated. I snapped as if I didn’t care about anything in the world but my argument and immediately regretted it. I saw what I was doing in slow motion, I even kind of warn him and myself.  And still... I chose the wrong decision. 

I hadn’t gone to my weekly therapy sessions in over a month and it showed. I am so scared of myself and it sucks he’s been my only real emotional support and I can’t even fully explain that I do care about him and that I’m just fucked mentally. I know I’m unhealthy and he truly didn’t deserve any of this. I stay because I know I will get better but times like these make me realize he’ll be better on his own. 

I’ve been thinking of taking medication. I desperately need to get better. I want to for his sake. He’s shown me so much support through this and I want to give that back to him. It feels like I am disabled and I don’t want to continue to feel this way. 

What have you guys done that has helped? Maybe medication? Another form of therapy? I’ve been trying DBT for the last couple months but the progress has been painfully slow. I just can’t keep doing this to my relationships. It’ll end me. 
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bpd,BlackAs_Snow,2019/01/31,"Did anyone else get an obsession for BPD when they found out about it? I'm curious to see if anyone else, after first finding out about or first thinking/speculating they have BPD, got an obsession regarding it. Did anyone start obsessively researching everything about it?",8.750780141843967,10.208662659574474,8.34553191489362,63.13333333333336,60.70212765957447,13.07517730496454,36.94326241134753,12.45797560212912,5.501700709219858,223,10,33,8,3,71,33,47,0.132,0.8220000000000001,0.046,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,1,2,0,8,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,5,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152054486797051,0.4056187092153894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985882327665461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307011256637644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778925801134215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091039229782307,0.3367294036196097,0.0,0.21702717635713592,0.0,0.0,0.1034136615656166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830791596185426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772977858838758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010048680897155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ufufudere,2019/01/31,"How to let people be my friend? I don't know if it is something that you all experience as well, but I've not really had any legit, close friends since I was 13, and it is almost entirely my fault. I have been told that my social skills are there, and there are people that make genuine attempts to be my friend and be the kind of person who would at least talk me through an episode, but I get so fixated on forcing some kind of connection with 1 or 2 specific people that I shut everyone else out. It's like if I'm interacting with anyone but those 1 or 2 people, I'm wasting my time.

I can think of 10 or 15 people off the top of my head who have tried to be supportive of me and just kind of be someone for me to talk to, but I constantly disregard them chasing after someone else until the infatuation goes away and I'm left alone. I don't like this fixation and being left alone and feeling like most people ""aren't worth it"" but most of the times it feels like I have no control over it. What do I do?",6.7545971563981055,4.811563251184836,7.4589052132701426,79.16731516587677,65.77725118483414,10.90445497630332,32.948341232227484,9.642632912329526,2.6852422748815172,790,25,174,13,10,265,119,211,0.08900000000000001,0.759,0.152,0.9208,0,2,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,4,6,13,0,0,5,0,24,1,1,3,1,37,35,21,0,3,12,0,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,15,11,0,2,4,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,4,2,21,12,25,23,5,16,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,9,9,120,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148154162194834,0.2375063375841697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797272426791751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017293017256996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772683388866973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239067142258293,0.1286009272177761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915674156502986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956253297991328,0.0,0.11215947060975356,0.0,0.0,0.11595107100665207,0.1638262378710319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657580688478932,0.0,0.05990511175097123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176742279546499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582022020587606,0.06301413124721886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491568267246512,0.11724760703805764,0.0,0.22406831538463276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653643289830242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769447953248196,0.10011667961079036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345412488598659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484792762984554,0.0,0.0,0.11688141914675006,0.19430207291223298,0.08827086118717585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011479655022593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431871156847596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346949107951098,0.0,0.0,0.13371832312446869,0.0,0.0,0.10956253297991328,0.0,0.0778466059411882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309310007581812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145116631422412,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TemperedTorture,2019/01/31,"Can life ever be 'normal'? I'm assuming this is a common question for BPDs. I don't know what to do sometimes. I'm kind of in the middle of a mild episode right now and these have started becoming kind if frequent again after 3 years of good progress. There hasn't been a change in life, but my moods are a little more chaotic as of late. I'm secure in my marriage. But my emotions are oscillating between severe mania and severe depression daily sometimes within a matter of hours. 

I know what I have to do to heal. But I feel frozen at the same time. Like locked inside a situation where I spend more energy regulating my moods over being productive and my zest for doing things around the house and for my partner are in a slow decline. 

How do I get it to start trending upwards? Can I even do it at this point and does it really matter considering the endless struggle to get and be better all the time.

Any support would be helpful. Even some kind words at this point. Thank you. ",4.0141623488773766,5.632329310880826,4.835253886010364,83.31315716753025,71.95336787564767,7.219205526770295,26.856303972366142,7.793537801064563,1.585788531951641,779,27,148,10,15,252,116,193,0.09300000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.147,0.8008,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,9,13,0,1,12,0,21,3,0,1,2,26,33,12,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,14,9,26,27,5,30,0,1,0,0,5,16,0,4,15,106,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156603643485922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986628700582275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487094026492299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908622728069405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424409423777744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597311194243093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178323748418687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514621657039375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786898174037705,0.12179786115179955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808265385197383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069724244534834,0.0,0.0,0.11293731508063652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025248412282684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260228557171233,0.15536703587025008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206490948303924,0.1479992982640453,0.0,0.15189010132474534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021334740159654,0.06578277122878694,0.13495381765444564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192757412723202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545739303925308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083785915932602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625969066426953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149896347712532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042304167134603,0.0,0.0,0.15135128141577722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663428962588936,0.0,0.1906107168129423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076452261548233,0.0,0.0,0.15279825494739613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396684273539835,0.0,0.0,0.08945490937438487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702999942841922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565088987738167,0.0,0.0,0.08670963522578136
bpd,broccolib0b,2019/01/31,"Self harming (head hitting) I started cutting when I was 14; I'm 27 now. I don't cut often anymore, although when I get very upset I always pace around and my eyes desperately dart from object to object, trying to gauge if something could be sharp enough to cut with. 

I don't keep anything blade-like in my room anymore and I won't walk all the way to the kitchen for a knife because I generally can calm down within 10 seconds anyway if I REALLY will myself to do so. 

But more and more lately, I have been punching myself in the head. With my fist. Maybe every other day, depending on how shitty I feel. It's been getting pretty awful. I always have goose eggs on my head and big bruises on my knuckles, on my dominant hand. 

Also.. even more humiliating.. It generally accompanies a sort of shrieking, maybe to hurt my vocal chords, usually into a pillow or into my sleeve. I feel like a fucking idiot.
I self harm when I get angry or upset or out of control.
I'm really familiar with mindfulness and sometimes it helps pretty well. I just get increasingly worried about this thing where I lose control and start punching myself. 

Does anytime else engage in these behaviors and does anything help? I can't hide my hands like I can with other weapons lol.. ",3.714858723572416,5.847989207468878,4.994427978660344,79.69538035961273,73.9377593360996,6.9141276427583485,27.24382533096227,7.793537801064563,1.8520348152539023,993,38,174,14,21,329,145,241,0.163,0.713,0.124,-0.9201,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,3,15,17,6,2,7,2,15,9,6,4,1,36,28,20,0,3,7,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,3,2,8,15,2,3,2,0,0,2,4,12,1,1,3,6,31,5,28,20,6,28,0,2,1,1,4,16,1,8,11,122,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507125008403984,0.1978415200901852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23580136619418676,0.0,0.0,0.19566230728797035,0.10583169574370738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247039866778096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667635167059284,0.0949189589437964,0.0,0.0,0.0766701500013554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807184996757846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931207458962264,0.0,0.0,0.12283863932008295,0.0,0.07852156109947829,0.0,0.10016464270812284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202223392059558,0.0849305373774291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990606283974916,0.2484473011787111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36602691530511017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593704731896267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726745717868476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566929287487244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341059891936126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616113927888158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330004484329345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886930675128684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003864472519435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418949200048728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231988185108006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480432485047893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152247860683994,0.11757901685483828,0.0,0.16829298621936414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898104619884429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071422699456553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309335972333797,0.0980915010948953,0.0,0.09436434563857936,0.0,0.0,0.10689072157339112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073216574712038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SageDoesReddit,2019/01/31,"Im slipping again and I don’t know what to do (adderall) So I’m a 19 year old male in college on a full ride scholarship (which is kickass but undeserved) and this is my second semester in college,  I was diagnosed with ADHD recently  and prescribed adderall IR, which at first was like “hell yeah im gonna pass and be the best ever” and now is like “this is the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life” I hate being on it and the comedowns make me severely depressed 
(not an understatement. It’s bad.) 

 I can’t stop using it though! I’ll go a few weeks without it and then one day when things are great I’ll do it even though I don’t want to and I always use too much. 

Now I can’t sleep and I’m missing classes again and I go days without eating, I don’t know what to do. In high-school I was really social and class president, involved in tons of clubs 
(I did always quit because I would get relentlessly sad and I just had to do something to relieve it)  
but now I do nothing and push anyone who talks to me away and don’t know anyone, I want to have friends and people like talking to me but I just can’t do it. 

I can’t tell if I’m addicted to adderall (I fucking hate the stuff) or if it has to do with the bpd?

Also thank you guys for being a community, I’ve always felt so alone but now here I at least feel like we’re all alone together ",0.564313725490198,2.572014525951559,2.784301038062285,92.25855074971169,83.67128027681663,5.791049596309112,21.744059976931947,7.0316486544052195,0.5621985236447521,1054,35,237,14,30,358,153,289,0.159,0.711,0.13,-0.9192,0,2,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,3,20,18,4,0,10,1,32,6,1,4,3,46,55,29,0,5,12,0,2,4,1,2,3,0,0,2,17,17,1,1,6,1,1,5,11,9,0,3,7,2,26,9,26,43,8,34,1,3,0,1,10,11,2,3,22,165,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798033395177734,0.1300644368115031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241752297497979,0.0,0.0865468400391969,0.2701535697261955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134573017261918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016801824441946,0.0,0.09036267227202724,0.0659724574519947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135746031496844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363045699125789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959128973444487,0.0,0.09321333022943844,0.10984526763675903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074035739876184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714810521803102,0.19578993893718585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472139869412872,0.07731537795442699,0.10391218749154783,0.0,0.0,0.09205543476751242,0.0,0.0,0.0836137353187131,0.10005151327579452,0.056542668825424976,0.0,0.12301259444441692,0.0,0.0,0.11931754381473235,0.0,0.10715895614490063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369794996759264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434479125208663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338013779910063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843154199819652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644194101729933,0.21149147678301025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240433869926678,0.07224048252239364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955722693396265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384402240415794,0.0,0.11356307478406275,0.0,0.07333550725994001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502902179190674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510974019107605,0.0,0.0,0.0693311828639133,0.0,0.1068583244428871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952865100231214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226252199315185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083023412036779,0.11032092556864692,0.0,0.08331626342322322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048026294029207,0.0,0.0,0.12389079711807928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739729976611953,0.0945927061098555,0.09963828732242376,0.0,0.0,0.07189933829057035,0.0,0.21265942061290247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694189249008916,0.0,0.0,0.12766685424235388,0.0,0.08681091161491432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864850083258804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687935449473755,0.0,0.0,0.06969282557828628
bpd,sillysoftie,2019/01/31,"So Tired God, there are so many things on my mind. My grandma (someone who actually doesn't make me feel shitty) passed away, I'm drowning in college work, my ldr bf/fp has a new schedule so our time together is halved, drama on social media, a friend treating me weirdly because I told him I'm a borderline, and to top it all off I tried watching youtube about random stuff but somehow ended up on a video that was mildly triggering, and just ugh... My bf is on a call with me right now, but he fell asleep and I'm trying not to wake him up to deal with me but I'm so frustrated! With all these issues lately, I've barely gotten any sleep, especially with me grinding to get my work done. It doesn't help that I hardly sleep on my own anyway due to nightmares and anxiety induced insomnia... Now all this stuff has me riled up, I'm too tired to try and distract myself with school work, my bf will be mad if I wake him up for stupid shit (though I probably will anyway 'cause my crying is loud), and I feel so dumb. And numb. And above all, frustrated! I just remembered that most of my stuff is due today (it's 1am) and in a day or two I have a competition and...so many other things I need to take care of... efhgsdtbtnzrgsyhdj!!! I don't know what to do. So many things going on, I could hardly put it in one post. I'm surprised I havent spontaneously combusted from the stress. I'm trying so so hard to be a good girl and not go fuck my life up again with impulsive decisions to escape the emptiness. It's so hard. I'm so tired. Thanks for reading my little rant. If anyone wants to shoot me a dm, PLEASE be my guest, aahaha. ",3.6273366310856563,4.378431095808383,4.770484248893517,86.72537490236917,71.87425149700599,7.964384274928405,25.000781046602448,8.18289091462,1.2724060400937258,1262,35,274,18,23,416,182,334,0.21100000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.08,-0.9948,0,0,0,1,0,1,53.0,1,0,0,4,22,18,7,2,11,0,21,13,6,4,4,46,44,27,1,5,10,0,6,0,4,2,6,1,0,1,19,16,0,0,6,3,0,5,6,12,0,2,4,8,36,6,39,34,6,37,0,0,1,1,16,19,3,6,12,173,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.09347611806435607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513971540302002,0.0,0.07327822230993322,0.0,0.0,0.0669778041424188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999679524681788,0.0,0.0,0.058392005231650335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781114470030464,0.0,0.09766313555325704,0.09840155433271952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647961718324399,0.0,0.10521957428217787,0.061775895845608476,0.09875411747386033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802526978483396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484050595631625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686746021719332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740062422825588,0.0885552655194912,0.05004573031508106,0.0,0.10887804298610516,0.08034315832778764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432320457351589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420525949442951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997869211168052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264305709915164,0.0,0.10805401607471032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765851072089615,0.0,0.096005610997649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639398136177359,0.29134463437490504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967194509709517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102623234663925,0.0,0.0925134862130536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490901641346501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051474128892368,0.0,0.0,0.09173925765065707,0.0,0.10327660156474176,0.0,0.0,0.09629427002784444,0.0,0.0,0.0958147904499296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851011522441514,0.08180317042144085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694344896878236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832589711713956,0.0,0.0,0.19171609239406712,0.09764468858314697,0.08116159753653393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972582536934662,0.0,0.3289660118574294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202130813172701,0.0,0.0,0.08818952058648431,0.0,0.0,0.1909136039385892,0.0,0.09411207707416452,0.0,0.05585525960698614,0.33028564010646283,0.09079664715494178,0.09153036890981207,0.0,0.2601374161906261,0.0,0.0935718059764084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056498756517084026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920631158953812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jdsn07,2019/01/31,Another sad post. I feel like the years of untreated BPD have really taken a toll on my brain. I think it’s damaged beyond repair at this point. I just ... wanna feel like I’m doing more than just breathing. Like I’m alive. I’m always sad. I’m always stressed about money. I feel there’s not much of an end in sight for that. Depression has taken everything I love from me. I can’t even pick a video game to play. I have hundreds of them stockpiled from having a console for a while but nothing looks good. Anyone 30+ who can give me some hope? I need to know that the light at the end of the tunnel is real and that I’m not just wasting resources. ,0.7237777777777765,2.9502730814814844,2.4296296296296305,93.67333333333336,84.85185185185185,5.0814814814814815,18.62962962962963,6.42735559955562,-0.04479259259259294,506,13,109,5,15,166,90,135,0.1,0.763,0.13699999999999998,0.5964,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,7,12,0,1,9,0,8,3,2,1,0,18,25,3,0,3,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,6,12,7,18,23,3,11,0,4,2,1,5,6,0,2,7,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29936689650189346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863105253946325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578373918909394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265660015992605,0.20081748123020493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493957054690347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31865947862932337,0.0,0.0,0.11881609100111627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616741348540641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27287438371287337,0.2570278613036228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256752255996927,0.0,0.1508837592113626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867202527491072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886320773067286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26365648432283856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510628562475143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623583531514211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224034099746998,0.13338665248082626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260994962372758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005482903242186,0.0,0.1722855355662996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475496563520368,0.11524256961962932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606415479400544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526667772288116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584369358675338
bpd,agentlemansguide,2019/01/31,"no love no love is worth the pain from loves loved and lost. I'm helpless to my heart, powerless to my emotions. I'm sick of loving, I'm sick of feeling, I am so fucking tired of wanting and yearning. I'm only 21. I know that for those that are older my thoughts may seem short sighted or naive..

fuck. I am so sad. I am so lonely. I am so alone. Nobody really knows. I am always talking and laughing and having a good time, but inside I am so so desperate for someone to love me back. Truly, love me back. 

Three times I have deeply loved, and each time hurt more. I named my future kids with my last ex. I loved her so much. And now I've met another girl that I like but I've already fucked it up. I barely know her and I went in too strong I think, or maybe the circumstances are wrong.. idk. 

I hate it all, I really do. And this is coming from someone who loves the world more than you can imagine. 

I fall in love at nearly first sight, and then it is \*impossible\* to let go. I cannot go on dates and learn to love someone, I fall in head first and drown in the thought of them. I don't even feel whole anymore. I'm a sorry excuse for what I could be. Too dark, too bad, too sad, too much. god when will it end. when will it get better. ",-0.12290240811153552,1.9514423688212936,1.6928783269961976,98.5398751584284,87.2889733840304,4.57130544993663,17.13168567807351,5.8886186174403665,-0.6067798732572873,945,22,225,7,30,309,146,263,0.193,0.5670000000000001,0.24,0.9665,1,3,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,1,5,18,31,4,0,6,0,23,21,2,0,1,35,61,25,1,3,4,1,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,12,14,0,0,11,0,1,6,4,14,0,3,5,4,32,17,24,50,7,32,0,7,2,15,24,10,3,4,17,143,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696943347296976,0.08201005477034196,0.0,0.06183724293337675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792728158630971,0.0,0.0,0.07370195274846872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428953139139612,0.062051134727456124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572686412863032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640170445251267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933564117901191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359600781025578,0.06582231977976903,0.0,0.0,0.04908531684353254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515326400756178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642707528519426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061130920721136,0.038827279814991525,0.0,0.08447150664232111,0.0623331155319983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337211235022932,0.0762701219021466,0.0,0.0,0.08806535557959372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955730084851761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122527138405415,0.060577828736649436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599360911017795,0.0,0.036307265460413136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112518822009246,0.0,0.8048820128132425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466086665818839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926228901599896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056521011946941424,0.07907794654890613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521804657904824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765490841395444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890427043082456,0.0,0.0,0.08319118565785487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973275051182843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047618982831844035,0.0,0.11799792618664964,0.13000356555367806,0.0854158312577216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383376992755839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688920972226252,0.0,0.08297166668055622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125337584422658,0.0,0.0
bpd,essential_bird,2019/01/31,"So tired of being strong I'm what I guess people would call ""high functioning."" 30 year old, single female, have always been on my own, have basically my dream job, own a house, obese but someone biometrics are healthy.

But I am so tired of being strong. Work is kicking my ass right now and I'm having outbursts but when I asked for a mental health day, I was guilted into not taking it because I need to be ""reliable."" 

Now I am actually sick, 101°F fever, body aches, sore throat, headache, everything hurts. And I'm scared to call in.

I'm also so tired of being hurt by the opposite sex. I'm loving to a fault. I will always be brave and hopeful and vulnerable but I never get loved in return. The most recent heartbreak is just so frustrating. 

Ugh. I want to write more but I'm so sick that I just need to sleep. The tears streaming down my face are heating up from how high my temperature is.

Will anyone ever love me?",1.5748369565217355,3.9593442010869597,3.1327826086956527,88.98830434782612,82.53260869565217,5.853913043478261,20.61304347826087,7.1686216300943375,0.6004682608695648,719,21,146,10,20,236,118,184,0.292,0.568,0.141,-0.99,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,13,15,1,2,6,0,20,18,5,1,2,24,37,17,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,16,7,17,27,5,19,0,3,0,5,7,9,1,3,10,91,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.12607643747678265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331781278042032,0.21500246514906185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033668824886526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078060736150704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875654390850577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350737840841052,0.0,0.0,0.26384665783511524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332058531558731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686497303795612,0.0,0.0,0.11611282994426135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749945889607058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232370932972416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373290649524503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730048544729965,0.0,0.12832055359547184,0.0,0.14907457558170487,0.2766134936104077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820686920644242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34981268710393343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019895174858245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915940569011944,0.0996437446013192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556923041898208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956808155079382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756523928336913,0.0,0.0,0.11033248400346296,0.0,0.0,0.1293475068942544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928907637869927,0.0,0.1094671589837068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713914248572326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454746058848164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762030141071753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405606126657033,0.0,0.0,0.09177697014436907,0.0,0.0,0.08319784179266132
bpd,themboizclean,2019/01/31,"Why do I apologize for existing? Is this only me? I often feel outta place and feel apologetic about it. I will try and get through bars and I'm still learning how to just keep going because I would apologize to every person. My friend's get annoyed cause they think it's me being fake or being too much, but I do feel bad when I have to push people aside.",2.783607305936073,4.400763821917807,4.1878767123287695,86.70775114155255,75.16438356164383,7.0584474885844735,23.125570776255714,7.793537801064563,1.0876228310502285,281,8,57,4,6,93,54,73,0.127,0.8390000000000001,0.034,-0.8205,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,0,16,17,7,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,5,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,10,1,6,13,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143252043476952,0.16166462506657173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724354185826849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344405034348114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022821679535857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048943406504348,0.0,0.2771141081890767,0.0,0.1507203591270922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572364617418345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495392108099133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016980058125692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385761491341115,0.231564081714161,0.2770795544497268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211790590843286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993067790474434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005469108059133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393034775808342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839183046645805,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princessofcorona,2019/01/31,"One little thing or thought ruining what had been a good day I really hate going to sleep at night upset or angry and it just seems to be all I’ve had for the past few weeks. But today was different. I got dressed nice for school, I was able to deal with an unplanned errand this morning without freaking out or panicking, and I felt good about myself.  Classes went well and nothing terribly wrong occurred. I even got excited talking to my boyfriend about future plans for the weekend and I was looking forward to seeing him since he’s gone during the week. 

And then I got an email about a possible internship for the summer. Great! Just what I had been looking for and it would be an awesome opportunity. But just as soon as that excitement came, I started doubting myself and telling myself I’d never get the job. I’m not smart enough, don’t have the experience, not capable of moving away on my own. It spiraled into anxiety about finishing school and being employed at all. And now I’m full of self-hate and disgust when I look at myself cause all I see is a piece of shit who no one would want to hire in the first place.",4.571996606334842,5.8958024072398185,5.174250565610858,82.56734869909505,70.17647058823529,8.058936651583709,29.64960407239819,8.472884824447931,2.184133257918552,896,35,171,14,16,288,141,221,0.135,0.715,0.15,0.5672,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,12,18,3,2,13,0,16,2,2,1,4,37,37,19,0,3,11,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,14,0,0,3,1,0,6,6,9,1,3,16,6,18,9,30,16,8,34,0,1,5,0,7,12,1,5,18,125,27,6,0.12484910643700363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550922469727602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729984527883268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427941175824741,0.0,0.12825442357996375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051734514299133,0.12871394663068367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044074344891907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900250121925802,0.0,0.08246165732167482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212638276064287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987472113391685,0.0,0.0,0.1061965861561197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522850515649622,0.0,0.07095462433693606,0.20943501410724893,0.2995597068017929,0.13764658060286095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326264501619963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389347360557132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513160368699028,0.0,0.0,0.3145254160684074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269484184830288,0.0,0.0,0.09629132758748844,0.0,0.0,0.11716242888071304,0.0,0.11979608482532599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920197128396894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918259906497615,0.0,0.0,0.13044074344891907,0.0,0.0,0.14074860858477276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998153452762424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25270792217985466,0.19897714712398126,0.1136579374957398,0.1302448465921602,0.0,0.1281558136277158,0.10327647099975663,0.0,0.12493927096854936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836884013093542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034898255396503,0.10912362197306076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294419870620401,0.0,0.0,0.09911624473046304,0.0,0.0,0.11834235467943525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736392377053529,0.0,0.20029284480351084,0.0,0.11225434046178302,0.1157363724767755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035008335451865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737844623397644,0.13650289874778895,0.0,0.0
bpd,VasilisaTheAngel,2019/01/31,"I’m sick of trauma still shaping my life. I’m gonna start thing off by saying I talk about food but not in a way that would relate to EDs to me? Regardless be careful if that’s a big trigger point I guess, same with mentioning a toxic ex. 



My last boyfriend was abusive, which is why I’m so glad he’s my ex, and I’m still working all the things he’s essentially ruined for me. I know I sound jaded and dramatic but I’m pissed. Let me have my moment. There’s all these fresh new trigger points and it sucks ass. The one that hit me tonight is meat. This shitty little cretin used to cook a lot, it was one of those things he liked to toot his own horn about all the time despite only being able to make stew or whatever carb was easy and could possibly go with the assortment of diced meats he liked to call a meal. 

Now he’s gone and hopefully wasting away somewhere, I’m generally the one who cooks for me and my fiancée (who also had the displeasure of knowing him and eating his “cooking”. Ah polyamory) and she gives me a lot of free reign with it because I’ve had a fair share of problems with food and eating and also because I know how to make shit taste good. I’d bought in lamb steaks because I’ve not really been using any meats outside of chicken (and even then I’d rather use fish) and I also really fucking love lamb.

So I make dinner, we sit down to eat, and by my second mouthful of steak I’m crying and shaking and going full panic. I have no clue why, she has no clue why, I’m still holding my fork and telling myself to suck it up and eat the goddamn food because what could it have possibly done wrong? And then it all clicks and suddenly I’m feeling even worse and all my weird ass avoidant behaviour makes sense.

And now, for the sake of my sanity, it looks like I’m going back to being vegetarian. Well, pescatarian, but that’s not the point. I was veggie up until I was 14 and I started eating fish and then meat again because I’m pretty badly lactose intolerant and at that point in my vegan alternative we’re hard to find and super expensive. I’ve always kinda wanted to cut meat out again, since everything is more accessible now, but haven’t due to cost and convenience. I’m so angry now because this doesn’t feel like my choice; it like a coping mechanism for my mental illness regardless of any other feelings I have about it.

I’m so sick of this shit being the pushing factor for all of my decisions. I’m sick of feeling like everything I want to do/plan to do/have to do all needs to accommodate to it as well.

I don’t know what I hope to gain from posting this. I guess it’s knowing that, out of anyone, people here are more likely to get it.",4.2991403081914035,4.873619043795621,5.290462287104624,84.24502838605031,70.24087591240877,8.278669910786697,27.266017842660176,8.344100000000001,1.6659949716139495,2108,66,440,30,36,694,265,548,0.18600000000000005,0.679,0.136,-0.9891,0,1,0,0,1,0,48.0,1,0,0,3,29,34,7,3,18,1,30,27,6,10,7,91,84,45,0,13,10,2,5,7,0,2,5,2,0,0,33,33,14,2,11,3,4,6,8,16,3,4,11,10,42,19,62,63,14,51,0,1,2,4,23,19,8,9,30,268,75,1,0.06922358701521206,0.08201863108830998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607423257881584,0.05759956978259275,0.0,0.0,0.09414882589657926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048402741569603315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503783870193203,0.05322866549767652,0.057798803686540765,0.2531883368062081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068502200354378,0.0,0.07057806047223934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053880291421167,0.0,0.07603885984698111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083976343262981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541650560200284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144305272069922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244273928932296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000610212382858,0.09890668879038836,0.0,0.0,0.06326910444088613,0.0,0.2511163085823913,0.0,0.0,0.0639960907415431,0.03616646711725791,0.06640557238658637,0.11802407927680138,0.0580614604975192,0.0,0.0,0.15251517086692648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201073706745886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375092825329043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902173653518113,0.056426462566481275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078580776456596,0.04889466669352508,0.2367340359803443,0.0693802198780662,0.0,0.0,0.05813037868688627,0.0,0.0,0.11770283644287152,0.06247698995051024,0.0,0.18482912745046626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976109414990699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051328412642893576,0.0,0.06685657169876544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407230822460624,0.05264765725936664,0.0,0.08121896430731994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479909191738904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26175465908022755,0.15607838664915438,0.06629706119373606,0.0704252743232262,0.0,0.06623762392392536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869280482639012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504937482583402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211403460287989,0.05726246651579366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799362236242824,0.0,0.1658461380303031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563929709995536,0.06050446620440043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796722588742988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036483026991063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936086007335605,0.0,0.0,0.08165973028573519,0.05494646127992118,0.0,0.0,0.12448063629053513,0.0,0.18739056072311208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039559579601663,0.0,0.07054474910499002,0.04917445009386754,0.07568512550039065,0.0,0.0
bpd,thatoneabby,2019/01/31,"did i do something wrong? letter to fp tw: abandonment


are you mad at me? you were active, are you ignoring me? i sent you a meme and all you responded with was ""really?"" what does that mean? im always scared youre mad at me. i have new trigger words because of you. just please stop calling me crazy.",-0.8210432190760066,1.1301058524590175,1.274366616989571,95.80308494783907,105.22950819672131,4.84113263785395,17.02086438152012,6.574015621080383,0.12908524590163986,231,7,50,4,11,76,46,61,0.325,0.608,0.068,-0.9587,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,7,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,0,7,0,0,1,1,10,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,0,14,0,5,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,0,2,32,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479320176440386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816376274604064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042571357511798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26075251319274845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218549773302105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245728966145424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28777792571373806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270777657837413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190884985201412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983164712952001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293891875722895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491133561975791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257796185245998,0.0,0.0
bpd,TuesdayC,2019/01/31,"1-10 scale how creepy is it if I keep a log of my peers? I know it sounds creepy as shit. I just have all this info in my head like my managers shoe size, weight, height, etc. I know it’s creepy but I want to write it out to get it out of my head. How creepy on a 1-10 scale is that? I have zero intentions of causing bodily harm to anyone, in fact it’s partially based off my distrust and skiddishness around people. I am 23 F and a sales person. Knowing and reading people is part of the job, I also want to get better at it. I can live with it being a little creepy if it gets these random thoughts, distrust, information out of my head. I’ve been blindsided so many times this year by “friends” I don’t know who to trust. And does this sound paranoid?",1.080754716981133,2.893436446540882,2.6446289308176105,94.98166037735851,80.76100628930817,5.749433962264153,19.405031446540878,6.742157984588678,-0.0068938364779871355,581,14,135,6,15,190,96,159,0.105,0.7859999999999999,0.109,-0.3378,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,5,0,10,6,5,4,2,31,21,12,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,15,9,1,1,7,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,2,3,16,4,22,18,3,13,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,3,3,84,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950646801337215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323493125042952,0.0,0.0,0.1441643936260207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322620791864327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636098155902465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171818693079888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061024206122595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511744546221756,0.0,0.2538269910830084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4986034469631143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070431960523718,0.1439431677357599,0.0,0.0,0.35600050062910865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911760314037779,0.16231031907015378,0.14299941926792328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418568343165596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536944842383453,0.0,0.22454300137052904,0.14140315575777493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198771142604187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662330729225071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856535705783098,0.09443078289224366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910374008781508,0.0,0.0,0.1972040265631161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428655376011586
bpd,pennycenturie,2019/01/31,"So fucking sick of sex But I have no other way of connecting with human beings. I collapse into depression because my body can't sustain me and I know that all I need is just, like, a really good conversation, but literally the only way to do that is to talk to men on dating platforms, or someone I've met from one, go on a date, hang out, booty call, whatever.

I DON'T HAVE A SEX DRIVE. IT FUCKING DISGUSTS ME TO BE SPOKEN TO LIKE I HAVE ONE. I'M EXHAUSTED.

I don't know what to do. I realized recently that the guy I've been ""in love with"" (obsessed with could easily be a more apt way of putting it) isn't someone I even *like* sexually... I just like hanging out with him. If I resist him sexually, welp, just lost access to him entirely. And what the fuck else do I have? Oh, other dudes. Great. /s

At least there's one who also has no sex drive. That's nice. And if I could just be with him, that'd be cool. But I'm like Whoopi Goldberg when it comes to marriage: ""I don't want somebody in my house.""

Just fucking shoot me in the head.",-0.10894684385381836,2.1697878976744214,2.278131229235882,92.40590116279071,90.95348837209299,5.4900332225913635,20.23671096345515,7.021680442328713,0.5308106312292367,798,27,176,13,28,271,118,215,0.147,0.7020000000000001,0.151,0.4404,0,0,0,1,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,1,10,19,5,1,8,1,24,12,2,0,1,31,39,12,0,6,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,13,12,0,0,3,0,0,7,7,9,0,3,3,1,23,10,26,28,3,24,0,2,0,8,14,10,4,3,9,120,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087133308739586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286941027885747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100169749939266,0.0,0.0,0.13881269957861922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710260187538755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707837397208968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708725132549093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356268498728175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978887355537554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027073553357035,0.0,0.0,0.07725937119970712,0.11402228993766075,0.0,0.14987731052831418,0.0,0.13460464934609415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951643326159432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685962782189375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942110926919508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320736909938092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148397519577378,0.0,0.12269359746597787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079979212128098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763548823486345,0.103390551824348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665996464384467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708837687377077,0.0,0.13422701945599771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303676230490859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926559565496677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801825286781161,0.3237149712781673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ughmel,2019/01/31,"Ruining the relationships that matter most to me I feel like I may be ruining my boyfriend and I’s relationship. I love him so much, the rational part of me trusts him and everything like that, but sometimes I get in this mood where I think he is going to hurt me emotionally and everything is a lie etc. When this happens I feel so desperate for his affection and reassurance that I tend to push him away with how extreme I’m acting. He says it’s okay, I know it’s not. :/  I feel like I can’t control my impulsive thoughts that are negative most of the time. 
He’s a good guy, he messes up like most people do, but I want to have faith/trust in him more than I’m doubting him. 
Sorry for poor grammar and punctuation I’m really emotional right now. ://",2.3661684011352904,4.430256728476824,4.245567644276253,83.83451986754969,77.74172185430464,8.552696310312205,26.017502365184484,9.23628265651192,2.2906230842005684,590,23,123,16,14,200,92,151,0.151,0.638,0.21100000000000002,0.7477,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,15,0,1,5,1,8,1,0,3,0,25,23,11,0,1,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,1,6,0,1,3,3,5,0,0,1,4,23,9,14,20,7,12,0,3,0,1,16,6,0,5,7,80,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301963750735895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267006051910026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664086548120581,0.0,0.0,0.18164062319473046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927501118812875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470525246156064,0.2327055444619011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509169121636609,0.0,0.09256151079909453,0.13660576390301088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161264704987711,0.14402343707398502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435332348973304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950787072472129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31827587574396576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469945272719216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972655569542325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636993083826896,0.0,0.11291200941176915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433726823429937,0.0,0.0,0.34971808126570497,0.0,0.13908819142406278,0.0,0.12951899308126336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108039569387944,0.1823171418562358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435909500928284,0.0,0.12929882220810607,0.09496951035312176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606363446776643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,habdalena,2019/01/31,"Don't know if I have BPD Hi. This is my first post ever. Basically I don't know if I really have bpd. A psychologist once made me take a test that said I had it and later, after a suicide attempt, a psychiatrist diagnosed me, but then my general practitioner told me he doubted that that was what I had. So now everytime I feel like I might be having feelings caused by my BPD, I wonder if it's really that or if I'm just a shitty person or just bad at life in general or just can't handle anything at all. And that makes me feel even worse and I end up just wanting to kill myself. So my question is does anyone else with BPD feel like this? Thanks in advance",2.4881620553359696,3.868927065217392,4.6940316205533605,83.75353754940716,75.44927536231884,7.9167325428195,24.13965744400527,8.575989854853784,1.5220202898550728,517,16,110,10,11,180,85,138,0.175,0.7490000000000001,0.075,-0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,1,1,5,0,13,2,0,3,2,34,28,14,2,5,12,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,6,5,18,3,9,20,1,14,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,11,9,78,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090428506525055,0.13251088422467908,0.10642517356046724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798271599538983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6515317571589813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285454356089213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126427141231814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131750057166401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080361866457503,0.0,0.11454541313636216,0.0,0.0,0.0854193215247298,0.11698375468226152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615666449646503,0.18478259417995446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100055544883392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308126082246492,0.0,0.14214957009540327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134754649750017,0.12636536469481413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237241711013155,0.08632683509073642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371956023570512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772912731733544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292342435238435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385960043458888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487593579906966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570048761463949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230196757365912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414628429962257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972378747813883,0.0,0.0,0.1190670064494648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357757421550968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628046690660167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024970957725974,0.0,0.0,0.13179535079796187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,future2b,2019/01/31,"Am I in me head? First guy I haven't totally wanted to split from. Help me play it cool. I've crushed so hard on this guy for years. Turns out it was mutual all along. We've been hooking up since November, but nothing official. Pretty casual, except you know already telling each other we're in love, planning our wedding (jk but it has come up lol). I think he has BPD too honestly, I refuse to bring it up though, things are good. 


He is making strides with his career at the moment and isn't ready to get wrapped up in a relationship. I fully get it and support it. We enjoy each other's company very much, however when I'm apart from him I literally feel  like my heart aches for him. It's terrible, it makes me feel depressed. I haven't talked to him since Monday night. I'm trying so hard not to come off as obsessive, but I physically feel like I'm going to be sick if I don't talk to him. 


Should I text him? Should I wait for him to reach out? I would stay I initiate contact 75% of the time, but I'm afraid he'll think I don't like him anymore or done with whatever we have. Ugh. I don't know.",1.2531168831168848,3.144444679653681,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,80.55844155844156,6.7974025974025984,21.755411255411254,7.84624498591911,0.8506865800865802,855,26,194,15,22,286,139,231,0.154,0.696,0.15,0.2761,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,3,1,0,2,5,16,0,2,3,2,19,4,2,2,2,38,44,13,0,5,8,0,5,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,12,13,0,2,7,2,0,4,7,5,0,1,3,6,31,11,31,36,5,25,0,1,0,1,26,13,0,2,10,116,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341551152817354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787361578035026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509480035987626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395122807769641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974044199596964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226895811461854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088285710244786,0.19863634324749752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825302690142385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526772383570288,0.0,0.07901006429868747,0.11660602875178867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27530956658310196,0.0,0.0,0.2490748846979717,0.0,0.1426778679602287,0.0,0.0,0.16474311121957474,0.09318429210958873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152806983381002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375907753250885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547382763142315,0.0,0.18559807456598468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219801710332843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304638157944093,0.0,0.1333964692679359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414365310865302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492588433824876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23000278531485674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818018846569275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776183183474693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348309607692066,0.12151236750483377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236080853392448,0.17816085186277955,0.13658954656012168,0.0,0.08106552123702394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943875983440426,0.15121727404965365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470866476776853,0.08199946036466474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875806244563748,0.0,0.0,0.08952635549176527
bpd,Procrastinationmon,2019/01/31,"Actually seeing improvement with therapy I don't really know who else to tell this to without having it turn into some other long, sad, discussion but I'm proud of myself and wanted to share:

 I went to urgent care for a kitchen accident (don't cut anything towards yourself ever lol) and I started freaking out hardcore because doctors make me pretty nervous. I started thinking about a really traumatic part of my life where I was at the doctor by myself a lot and I felt super alone and like no one loved me. And basically turning those feelings into my reality.

I was starting to get on a ""self hate/no one loves me"" spiral but I was able to redirect, and think about all the times my friends and family were there for me outside of that one traumatic period. Which I've never really been able to do before, and honestly I'm so happy. I've been in (non dbt) therapy for less than 6 months and I never thought I would get better but it's actually helping! 

It's really affirming to see stuff like this, honestly a lot of the time I still feel totally hopeless and like I'm never going to be better but this gives me a glimmer of hope.",3.836776283009472,5.620426551569512,5.751083707025412,75.89615221723969,72.72197309417041,8.90174389636273,29.42924763328351,9.444778638647367,2.969337020428501,903,38,160,22,18,312,133,223,0.12,0.593,0.287,0.9938,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,4,7,21,1,1,9,1,12,6,0,1,6,39,40,15,0,3,5,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,1,1,12,14,1,0,7,0,0,2,7,5,0,3,9,5,21,16,30,29,7,23,0,2,2,2,10,8,0,4,16,117,33,2,0.21547772454138306,0.0,0.2102751761169389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158496897163947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865990370277793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567661044424797,0.0,0.0916778364501968,0.0,0.0,0.19057253674530394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984695050373702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055058164108315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000199467831163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745596909011202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156661083561584,0.0,0.10895201190932777,0.0,0.103446203489661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323877773253302,0.0,0.112578217557766,0.10335293396155064,0.061230478271489336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469002228315453,0.0,0.10636982124675746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221508834229706,0.0,0.0,0.10700900004285048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921046108930773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609914463848055,0.15790729801595985,0.0,0.0,0.09534550276528476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319145584873472,0.19447705921064745,0.0,0.0719165271716629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599613197576307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492845574200036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190199241348757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667068876367508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960915574944644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276081095927372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170784846443984,0.0,0.11239513032110153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287743637322289,0.0,0.08604039458133621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333522100297988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416851440716456,0.0,0.2464175570829745,0.0,0.0,0.13806942527694124,0.0,0.08553262209523108,0.1256467940060393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343778883147923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354717238492189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987500471440323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385641855868072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653459657812793,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uranusispink,2019/01/31,"Sick of being branded a liar The disgusting fat fuck who accused me of lying about my rape is still chatting shit, ok hun I'm at uni making something of my life and you're just a neckbeard still living with your mum, I hope you choke on the 4 day old stale flaming cheetos left next to your bed.",1.7212021857923503,3.8444657377049225,2.689754098360656,93.88632513661207,80.14754098360656,4.722404371584699,23.281420765027317,5.46131890053228,0.21634207650273216,234,8,49,1,6,74,52,61,0.386,0.55,0.064,-0.9794,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,4,7,5,0,4,1,2,6,2,1,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,8,5,0,8,0,0,0,2,6,3,2,1,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942516751389826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715395021901545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29173033612560473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191277512163732,0.0,0.2074631950150459,0.0,0.0,0.2593602320641482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960604494610184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123746616181232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30820983895610954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014994647575399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261200850798041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691305071824171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toysarefun,2019/01/31,"Bridge Burners Unite! I've burned so many bridges.  I've repaired bridges just so I could burn them down again.  I seek out new bridges, sometimes I'll just jackhammer the bridge.  Or, try to burn it down again, even though it's long gone.  Oh, their are some bridges I won't touch though.  Very few, the very few people I know who won't abandon me, that just loved me the way I am, the people I am not afraid of.  Others, if I don't know them, they can't hurt me!   I had a girlfriend who stayed with me for ten long years, she was abused too, and I loved her so much I would never hurt, yell, or bring any harm to her, probably because I had been abused too, and knew how badly that would hurt her to be reminded, she would just laugh at me, oh I know you'll never leave me.  She stopped believing that I would even though I pushed her away a thousand times, she knew I just needed that time away, and that I would always came back.  We didn't end up hating each other, she just stopped communicating with me eventually, she was very adamant about getting over me, which for many of my ex-girlfriends means you no longer exist.  Not a big thing, although super lonely, I have way, way less stress when I'm alone, interpersonal relationships are just to stressful.  Groups grind away at me, usually someone in the group is so disassociated or narcissistic, loud, and egotistical that I just can't take it.  Their always seems to be someone that likes me, that wants to get to know me better, or see me, but I never seem to let them get to close, but I day dream about the possibility.  Sometimes, out in public I connect with other introverts, and we silently know that we were hurt, that something happened to us, that made us different.  But, that's pretty rare, because good luck getting me out of the house! ",5.780561660561662,5.965172566951567,5.4852665852665865,85.50589743589745,66.92022792022792,8.395115995115995,28.68009768009768,7.957251820313856,1.5315943833943841,1405,42,297,15,21,433,178,351,0.062,0.8140000000000001,0.12300000000000001,0.9728,1,3,1,0,2,0,56.0,5,2,6,2,27,20,1,3,10,0,28,2,0,2,3,63,55,23,0,9,18,0,1,1,1,8,0,2,0,0,22,17,0,3,10,1,0,4,12,12,0,2,12,4,58,8,34,31,6,42,0,6,1,2,32,16,0,9,19,203,80,0,0.0,0.18982977252055624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296773360156799,0.0,0.0,0.13331255452604002,0.0,0.0,0.05447619024445168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22579232234545416,0.06159811087384071,0.06688683784518891,0.09766619230906017,0.0,0.0,0.09025428907591056,0.0,0.07084902028551013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162221640780192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395972333806166,0.0,0.0,0.051663035888099305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369581483473014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095191488505555,0.0,0.0,0.1058211632297632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741250456494813,0.0,0.0,0.06719079367825644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083924403176801,0.0,0.0,0.07909006987034622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243388196458092,0.34302910363385475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012632200185814,0.0,0.0,0.08482281033801199,0.0,0.081915862331105,0.0,0.03913672470486408,0.0,0.0,0.1417861266878745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460120380825064,0.07580013101651045,0.0,0.16243388671781747,0.0,0.08726110162932668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588886008298377,0.05939907047065116,0.1853526952744356,0.07736881016348604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107360789798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030973889665199,0.0,0.08149864016921664,0.08636997812828129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600601750802768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383570816028493,0.14585463774002433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575050491359245,0.061671055772675336,0.1584577300905648,0.0,0.0,0.08538447434477775,0.0,0.13394775792505678,0.1835268975483697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602312500010759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053220198788947036,0.0,0.23611712378259755,0.0,0.09342324355203872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054388076791642065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272013253004225,0.0,0.08822764964861099,0.19829248050095846,0.04724977672310995,0.1907580163282614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845321407855341,0.0,0.0,0.0515869286091365
bpd,staticautomatic33,2019/01/31,"Did anyone w intense bpd expirience. ..? Has anyone experienced social isolation and literally not having any friends. That is me, I stay at home most the time playing 2k and writing poems. Hasn't always been like this though. Last question, where you able to come up and build a circle and actually go out even with the illness ? 
How'd that work if so? 
(I apologize if this sounds like a school test) ",2.730435435435435,5.629838500000004,3.7220720720720735,83.0218768768769,82.91891891891892,6.5321321321321335,24.43843843843844,7.793537801064563,1.6973231231231238,315,12,56,6,9,101,62,74,0.161,0.775,0.064,-0.8258,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,8,8,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,4,4,5,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,4,4,35,8,3,0.23794562951778986,0.0,0.23220061033965486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798982518575736,0.0,0.0,0.16181118757540974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327542333405871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996841906960137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496909068365785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716084417782153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838362031157899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522998471414405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386788673071081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395744623711714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324964309687907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665535614754543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24081368038288264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24255560409368224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25361838139255244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337803728852801,0.0,0.1387480100798877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322725220772106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,p34chesncr34m,2019/01/31,"Embarrassing work meetings... venting I guess??? I had a meeting at work today... luckily it was small. We have this large conference (I work at a nonprofit) and interned on this conference last year and work there now The two others in the meeting are new and have not done this event before. 

Anyway, they’re trying to figure it out and asking me lots of questions which got to be a little rapid fire and seemed frustrated when I couldn’t remember exact times of something I did a year ago. I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough with my answers and felt somewhat cornered. My computer died during the meeting and I shut down along with it. At one point they made it seem like every answer I gave was wrong and I’d been going about things the wrong way this whole time. I said something and the response was “this is what I meant earlier!” Which felt like I can’t understand or comprehend well. Anyway, my mind spiraled. 

I feel like an embarrassment and not good enough for my job. I know they’re trying to learn from me but I’m afraid they’re going to rework all my organization on my spreadsheets (this aspect is my project, I’m heading it up). 

Idk. I wanted to cry when I felt work. I felt like an idiot. I messaged my boss about what happened (we were friends before I started officially working there and knows my mental health stuff). He was supportive and calmed me down a bit. Idk. I want to apologize but he said he didn’t think I needed to. Still slightly spiraling mentally. I don’t feel good. I’d been doing so well about not having episodes at work recently and I feel like a failure. I feel so small. ",3.0179126730564434,5.371180594249204,3.7473706070287527,86.77871299254527,76.92332268370608,6.601448349307775,25.129818956336532,7.675431598112923,1.3906034930777431,1278,46,245,19,30,405,166,313,0.1,0.764,0.136,0.8597,1,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,2,0,1,7,15,21,2,3,13,0,23,2,1,2,2,59,57,20,1,4,6,0,10,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,18,19,0,0,22,0,0,2,8,7,2,2,22,12,39,14,28,33,7,36,0,0,0,0,18,17,0,7,22,160,57,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524485415304387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935540818473573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446065869724145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267172473848763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324147200164708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809655321185504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868661606972937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541644798394396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151872543807618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460038783966898,0.18192418860928167,0.3260091484371679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558143781527463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648346389862357,0.21359089500744705,0.06788976858281988,0.0,0.09350968085813256,0.0,0.07506294987797163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711583166438447,0.0902280940872543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423461895263412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933004370732008,0.06919207415961058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488212327837739,0.0850764180610694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216563840375739,0.0,0.08031962386109613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108691845386909,0.0,0.0857089951299127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294066954662997,0.0,0.08198183364034281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751983200711044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024314727050283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950898980726448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381305455118494,0.0,0.09615742070443382,0.0,0.16148890928230186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455104740021464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069623855133014,0.0,0.0,0.12016315886684208,0.0,0.0677887511151214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717227171007303,0.0,0.09632575382337327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639338997461505,0.054390463643554036,0.0,0.0,0.09899349356466014,0.0,0.08046043800592442,0.0,0.0,0.11526180263412973,0.0,0.0829196752278691,0.08836760137799618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013397715880827,0.0673772455469657,0.0,0.0,0.15264244870041874,0.0,0.0,0.09477034475872943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43257772153786656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856154214959865,0.0,0.10932547599772764
bpd,JamesPatrickTressel,2019/01/31,"Introduced my BPD with an accusatory meltdown... help please I introduced BDP to my family recently through very raging and personal texts on how they failed me after a very traumatic time in my life. The points I have are valid, but I lived up to every stigma BDP has and said some pretty awful things that realistically will take years to fully mend.

Any advice for me? I don’t want to cut them off completely, or I guess I wouldn’t mind that, but the way it happened was borderline (no pun intended) evil. They didn’t deserve what happened. Do I give it time to cool before reaching out again? I know I have to sit with this and can’t selfishly and hastily apologize, it has to be well thought out. Do I just take my losses and accept that they’ll probably never look at me the same? I guess a selfish aspect of this would be me worrying about their reaction to my apology. I know that’s fucked up and the apology isn’t about me, but I’m afraid if they respond a certain way it will be a whole nother episode.",5.125857692307694,5.824826055000003,5.809000000000001,80.8166153846154,68.45,9.753846153846156,29.884615384615394,9.851270322608157,2.7034576923076927,801,29,160,18,13,261,124,200,0.183,0.6940000000000001,0.124,-0.9637,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,6,2,6,13,4,1,9,2,20,2,0,2,2,32,35,12,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,12,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,4,3,28,4,24,23,3,19,0,2,1,1,14,9,1,5,7,112,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960167987260162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410916627893398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027171366697607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281652713783348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051614080981835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289882935065704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432339327826854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153293126632885,0.0,0.1468617098855206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373005904776086,0.0,0.27076102799712404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261567762971473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827291157347915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081348160526388,0.0,0.0,0.13518480221801465,0.0,0.12856039792186782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458129255313222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807552673307678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336757711463364,0.0,0.16805123302362107,0.14472330943565812,0.0,0.0,0.15575163099347136,0.16506121984881164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116185046517586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562744722427334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302152626096575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101708847484626,0.0,0.0,0.1215395311038854,0.1785406790311873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526371580158866,0.09029880466007376,0.2430377742623836,0.0,0.0,0.13764988717240806,0.0,0.0,0.17092397788942876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554743830760011,0.0,0.1087535814226995,0.0,0.0,0.09858751326567083
bpd,uglygod6969,2019/02/25,"I'm finally getting myself help! Hi everyone, this is my first post in the sub. I don't really put a lot on Reddit but today I came across an article about BPD, and I went on to find this sub to read about some personal experiences people have had. I had read enough that I was on the verge of tears, I decided enough is enough and I made an appointment to get testing. I called and surprisingly they had an open slot for tomorrow, which is my only day off this week. It's like it was meant to happen haha. I'm just curious what to expect from these appointments? I've never done this before, if y'all are feeling up to it please share your experience or advice! 

More to the point, I realize I can pretty much relate to every symptom. The thing that really hammered the nail into the coffin is my horrible habit of lying. I will lie to anyone about any minor or major thing to the point that it IS and HAS BEEN harmful. I ruined a wonderful relationship by constantly lying, and I lied to myself and others to make it seem like I wasn't in the wrong. I know a big part of treatment is acceptance and honesty, I'm trying to get myself to accept the past and how I've hurt a lot of people with my bad habits. It's an uncomfortable feeling, but I'm actively trying to work on being more truthful and forward with myself and others. 

I relate to a lot of the other symptoms I've read about like the explosive mood swings, anxious thoughts, suicidal ideation and behavior, impulsive behavior, shifting self image, etc. It all fits a little too close for comfort to me. I've struggled the past few years trying to figure out why I lie, why I impulsively change my mind on so many things, why I'm so moody. I thought it was part of growing up, I've only just turned 20 in December, so I thought this was just leftover angst from my dying teenage years. But the older I've gotten, the worse these symptoms have felt. I've tried to put a reign on them and try to think before speaking or acting, but many times it's just such an impulse that I've decided I need a professional to help me through the treatment I need and know I deserve. Many times I see myself as a horrible person, but thinking as an adult I know that I need to actively work to be better rather than using self pity to cope. So it just feels nice to know I'm going to get it figured out.  
(Of course I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'll be told I'm paranoid, nothing is wrong, etc. That's the last thing I want hahah)

tl;dr- I've been reading up on BPD and think I may have it. I'm getting my intake done tomorrow, I'm excited to go from here. Advice or stories about experience are welcome and appreciated!
",4.543666666666667,5.288792922222221,5.774814814814812,80.3766666666667,69.77777777777777,8.74074074074074,28.703703703703702,8.920646497554287,2.211037037037037,2118,74,417,37,36,710,248,540,0.11199999999999999,0.718,0.16899999999999998,0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,2,2,4,19,24,0,1,32,1,33,4,1,4,3,83,81,32,3,7,16,0,5,3,0,2,3,1,0,5,36,23,0,0,26,4,0,9,3,9,0,1,22,7,48,14,71,54,17,54,0,3,1,0,18,28,0,12,21,277,84,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313692618688342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045710530588594235,0.0,0.0,0.07593718321014481,0.0,0.04700037367475152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612420460346428,0.0,0.0,0.11439509824617285,0.0,0.0,0.05944883983994431,0.0,0.0,0.1693173824503841,0.0,0.06863707177820133,0.07687946067649587,0.0,0.0,0.07110770878741113,0.0,0.0,0.07263875546134288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335003552314536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976164964705228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757465979801056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208362421804821,0.14993162927067605,0.0,0.0,0.056634046228989085,0.0642296593092469,0.0,0.19725624416398005,0.0,0.0,0.1359497190278533,0.0,0.06453980083736999,0.07363401018958977,0.0614360148693722,0.057175578431317424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559309802342116,0.0,0.07640305278508938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594406366645072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010958859463128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195823654367227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776497299196492,0.054791624188380315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851792739533312,0.06737007355701853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143896552134272,0.0,0.06360327680591693,0.044868522807009786,0.20444544068117726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787099689899406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941294861980499,0.14952383869901587,0.051842649109647136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644974635401731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224460367527716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558104139837189,0.12833433328016866,0.09320096593801816,0.11738429274454662,0.0,0.07378515554524777,0.12708543347887385,0.0,0.06437624292753466,0.06838484974200694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514526885421624,0.0,0.0,0.26894467576984216,0.0,0.08612311687154511,0.0,0.0,0.07216695360785212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535640263647561,0.061192723371314935,0.14024602317549795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702708260325472,0.0,0.0735255588908032,0.0,0.0,0.20959565184146645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862655327083918,0.12921170002137206,0.0,0.1600907005449254,0.0783906879851256,0.0,0.06371478431306353,0.0642296593092469,0.0,0.2281829765153569,0.073113858808902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805475180884225,0.0,0.0,0.039646905455653435,0.0,0.05391820806960515,0.0,0.0,0.0623117397782821,0.18196131234513596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289503068460164,0.0978709782613634,0.0,0.0685008629926104,0.0,0.14698461553147846,0.0,0.08657234904196433
bpd,Enealuciano,2019/02/25,"Does anyone else get a ‘mad half hour’? My mum was the first to notice I’m 21(f) living at uni with BPD and my mum noticed ever since I was a young child that every so often (3 days out of the week) I go absolutely crackers for like 20 minutes as if I have a HUGE surge of energy. Like I hysterically laugh and become ‘evil’ aka trying to tickle my sister till she cries and annoy anyone in sight. 
Then right after I experience a low because of all the energy used in the last half hour and probably cry or throw a tantrum?! 
Anyone else who has ANYTHING remotely like this please provide some details because I’m at a loss ",4.770340000000001,5.2605483840000025,6.0797500000000015,79.30362500000003,69.16,8.49,26.825,8.472884824447931,1.7623799999999994,488,14,96,7,8,165,89,125,0.098,0.737,0.165,0.8417,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,4,0,10,0,4,0,0,1,2,13,9,10,0,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,3,2,1,9,4,15,7,2,21,0,2,1,0,6,8,0,4,14,56,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145925327736398,0.3073288596722625,0.12341449316459055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284354600514088,0.1656327148699122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888849670156407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294752422798581,0.09671978046690607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124184346744752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25056536479585595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565860697797405,0.12635820137438708,0.0,0.0,0.14670176853011788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756643281163682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835438050915328,0.0,0.08523276167132314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953851762689713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224750911901568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980679357560629,0.0,0.13242836227266214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414891053034739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462464124723927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169559492385804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807559609386246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405870542246443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182140396663364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952798728420808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029879986780667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hawkingkiller,2019/02/25,Med Journeys? Can any of you describe the differences you felt with different medications and different doses? I feel like I'm so sensitive to my medications that the slightest changes are causing huge differences and I feel like I'm in a never-ending zig-zag of adjusting dosages. ,6.580200000000001,8.997125220000003,6.9849999999999985,67.2475,66.8,11.4,40.5,11.20814326018867,5.653600000000001,231,14,35,8,4,75,37,50,0.0,0.8390000000000001,0.161,0.7691,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,8,7,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207524583923386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824114447198256,0.1878436005043637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7420838610844639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727271146474894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956762456020572,0.2537095010829932,0.17049330897963685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735016968084633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972382294024562,0.3577625409623883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695153499538054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,potatochipchocolate,2019/02/25,"Hi I woke up today feeling like shit, everyone leaves, no one loves me, I just wanna be pursued by someone so bad, I am screaming to be loved Fuck my life",4.0853125000000015,4.215686906249998,5.400000000000002,84.845,70.5625,7.65,31.625,7.1686216300943375,1.8767625,119,5,25,1,2,40,29,32,0.345,0.414,0.24,-0.7231,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,8,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,5,3,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24645991826907304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282053646829416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925002891818265,0.21087403960594572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728857742322741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31254912889805897,0.0,0.0,0.20849178163675208,0.14420825206904012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5328163510237531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001913036718494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029942759980527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501019589491322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797926606760317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WykenPippin,2019/02/25,"Should I tell someone they are my FP? I only just found out what FP (Favorite Person) really meant. I'm in the midst of a budding friendship... and I already feel like she's THE person. Not THE person as in like my soul mate or anything, just like... the person... Ya know? That feeling of finding a special person, a new favorite person, has caused a lot of heartbreak and I'm afraid of trying too hard to become really good friends and pushing her away.

I can hardly help but lose myself in my infatuation with them, and I just don't want to ruin another friendship because of it. It becomes something bordering obsession rather than being just friends. I want to tell her and explain to her this but I'm afraid in doing so I will weird her out or push her away, I feel perverse when I find a new FP. I just don't want to do that do anyone anymore.

Should I tell her about my feelings toward her, completely non-romantic (though I wouldn't throw it off the table) deep connection I feel for her? I've only known her for about a month just casually chatting, and I feel silly about it its honestly not probably a big deal I just don't want to hurt anyone again and I feel like she should know. WWYD? Can you tell I'm too in-my-own-head right now? lol",2.8983020299753406,4.634101968127489,4.0682413204325565,87.18381142098276,75.13545816733068,6.693302978561943,25.099791310946692,7.447530270364453,1.1742349079871,978,33,198,12,21,319,128,251,0.084,0.7290000000000001,0.187,0.9787,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,2,1,20,19,0,3,12,1,16,0,0,1,0,49,36,15,0,9,14,0,9,4,4,5,0,0,0,6,9,10,0,0,15,2,0,3,6,8,0,0,2,9,36,11,29,28,1,22,1,4,0,0,33,13,0,3,10,131,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465495943698266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099444836566539,0.0,0.0,0.09405279507393803,0.1326244350332586,0.0,0.07804274923451675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782049184388509,0.0,0.0,0.05781173930276773,0.2094799743557762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742369667734622,0.0,0.0,0.09943476322947543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777275625018562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356669662522164,0.13550310681237612,0.0,0.0,0.17335855283045126,0.0,0.0,0.1039838473077175,0.1465416222184372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954475455296461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699106022277961,0.0,0.0973300961238901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356722481156697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152494247849797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423984177434133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533022101584698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609831590969844,0.0,0.08062700416773011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569796810768023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831882815368795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425558498184385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968479276810697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022502985134754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150998838258023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809902578920316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035506058687278,0.07301013614975578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33156678267111883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317684575943462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438808030331372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374921838962825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fun_Risk,2019/02/25,"A professor told me that the area I was in was dangerous, that maybe I should move to an area where others could see me, so it'd be safer and I felt like crying? I'm not sure why. I feel like its partially because I'm shy, but I don't know why I felt so overwhelmed at him saying that. Can anyone relate? I want to make sense of why I suddenly got a knot in my throat and felt like tearing up.",2.385968992248064,2.9195567441860497,3.995348837209304,91.94713178294576,74.58139534883722,7.593798449612403,22.472868217054266,7.793537801064563,0.6635100775193794,304,7,74,4,6,102,60,86,0.087,0.76,0.153,0.6636,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,4,0,8,1,1,1,1,14,20,5,0,3,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,6,12,4,7,9,0,9,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,0,4,43,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317023764107269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481961749661836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038634752190522,0.0,0.2068994072785884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523807827701042,0.13456103450130574,0.5425517594080014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064490701967725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351512430508113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27606259573197794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572859783233056,0.0,0.1892281741031642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001918314613806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497876618013769,0.0,0.0,0.15009475480308518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752260229893102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998152154316693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111096811739733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098839727638749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jalapenomunch,2019/02/25,"Impulsive and selfish Whenever I dont feel too great I just go out and waste money, almost every time. Im about to move in a few days and need all the money my partner and I have, but I still went and grabbed a coffee despite my partner telling me not to all day. I knew itd make him mad but I still did it, now I just feel bad again for making him mad. Stupid cycle. Im a complete hypocrite. ",-0.7211871657754009,1.3993680470588252,1.5836363636363655,97.4718181818182,92.05882352941177,4.032085561497326,19.491978609625672,5.565023196281405,-0.2947647058823533,304,10,70,2,11,102,58,85,0.273,0.727,0.0,-0.9751,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,4,0,4,0,0,2,2,20,12,7,0,1,5,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,0,2,3,2,5,0,0,3,3,12,1,6,8,3,12,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471016549471825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903133376042632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248147757528122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765656897270853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512980677110441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806576842248863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168338927373364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185954830118426,0.0,0.0,0.2363982657115636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632197287254527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28625337459136985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278940046633968,0.0,0.1589893490719885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424713938326147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741210184526488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502974005183667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876903308042365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coolcatcosmo,2019/02/25,"Cant deal with supporting others I’ve been going through a lot recently and am finding it very hard to function. Im basically always in my own head and constantly anxious and having “episodes.” The thing is, my best friend is going through some stuff too, and she obviously seeks me to help support her (however I dont do the same for her - i go to my boyfriend or mum). When she’s down and telling me about her issues it makes me feel much much worse and feeds my anxiety. Lately its been much more significant and her problems are causing me to self harm and to just go downhill. She sees a psychologist and they speculate she has symptoms of bpd (but I disagree with a lot of this..). Its causing me to lose control a lot and overwhelm me beyond belief.  I honestly cant go on supporting her all the time as its affecting my mental health A LOT. But on the other hand, shes my best friend...",4.663049242424243,5.601060721590914,5.483409090909091,81.872196969697,69.625,8.821212121212124,31.71212121212121,9.075114841892004,2.6161871212121217,701,30,140,13,12,229,106,176,0.13699999999999998,0.731,0.131,0.4191,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,4,5,12,0,1,9,0,13,5,2,5,2,33,24,15,0,1,4,1,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,10,12,1,1,3,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,2,4,27,8,20,22,14,15,1,2,1,0,18,5,0,6,5,108,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953549508319981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876673719973016,0.12946343946225444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24052765343974056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443325243715666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544800615693506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238400309668944,0.12853171765974278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814579666287245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430833292339006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057944334630395035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474075354931728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707669667166698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256442226596972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265755120119817,0.0,0.11761089885209325,0.12181261482063815,0.0,0.0,0.07681281274093399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378580963439363,0.11961083275310648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927185355232002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820616435998894,0.0,0.3897094448503542,0.0,0.0,0.07649524304991688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548811436888723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527287691691855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965507895864664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131519781534078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913199935983638,0.0,0.11955100099615867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118761539636242,0.0,0.3901343168053805,0.0,0.11911149381034,0.0,0.0,0.10016394951929784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613400638569183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668231797608406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455558428460188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678543967866373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Notyourbabybee,2019/02/25,"DAE feel like if their FP doesn't immediately respond something is wrong? Whenever my FP is ""late"" on reading a text or reads and doesn't respond immediately, my head instantly goes to ""oh, he's over me, i'm too needy, he's found something better, and so on"" it's so frustrating because he does so much to help my insecurities, he's amazing. He turns off his sound on his phone for me when he's around people because of my type of texting and I get embarrassed, he encourages me to call him no matter what/when/where/why anytime, he reassures me so so much, and yet I'm left with constant fear of abandonment and fear of the worst.  ",6.223095238095237,5.841534801587304,6.9760317460317465,77.10785714285716,66.06349206349206,10.374603174603177,34.66666666666667,9.957137785484203,3.184838095238096,499,21,102,10,7,166,78,126,0.212,0.6579999999999999,0.129,-0.9182,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,9,13,1,4,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,13,10,13,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,2,13,5,15,9,3,11,0,1,0,0,19,7,0,2,5,54,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632234862710822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22354118090777597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216126877010134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722442143839946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813999363496285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045388155183685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126473207396202,0.09270903766099524,0.13098777548827747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103764653028006,0.0,0.0,0.09579463498165193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817358626295572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228979846721846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683073187282866,0.0,0.19921411188159327,0.0,0.0,0.08957725749871652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695718356634935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711422903961406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668062317887111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823089609478772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943595436093392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544801298283052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046826656703706,0.0,0.0
bpd,____nyx____,2019/02/25,"Meeting someone new you really like...is simultaneously beautiful and terrifying I recently met someone I like...SO much. 

I think about him a lot and it’s driving me kind of insane. 

It’s beautiful on one hand because he’s a very kind and incredible person, and it’s been years since I felt this way about someone...which terrifies me. 

My ex and I had this similar spark in the beginning and it ended in him cheating and ghosting me. 

I wanted to take things slowly with this new person but we ended up sleeping together after our third date last night. Now my brain is obsessively replaying the (admittedly magical) night over and over again. 

I’m grateful for the experience and of course I’m on cloud nine thanks to the surge of strong chemicals drenching my love-starved brain but also...FUCK. 

This is scary, man. 

I have so much stuff I have to focus on, major high pressure life things like starting a new career and healing from an abusive relationship, and I need tips on how to rein in this obsession I have with feeling validated. 

Is it okay to be happy about this new person? Or am I doing the same shit I always do...getting swept up in something that could potentially destroy me? 

😩 but also 😊

Shit, I’m tired of feeling so vulnerable all the time. And so fucking afraid of this guy hurting me. Am I not healthy enough to try to get close to someone? Genuinely confuckingfused ya’ll. ",2.8936462567195487,5.641037197718632,4.2784554870853535,80.54102661596959,80.06463878326997,7.277776320964992,27.319916087583586,8.326086129247049,2.3000002360036715,1105,48,199,24,29,364,155,263,0.188,0.685,0.127,-0.9689,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,0,1,10,17,5,4,10,1,13,10,6,1,1,34,30,21,1,3,5,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,5,16,16,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,10,0,3,4,4,26,7,33,24,7,34,0,1,0,1,16,14,3,2,19,131,42,1,0.0,0.125314303995139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916056421971812,0.08800500449651898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447340030257867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361375762671478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444479606551616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873529049291836,0.1092835821397075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345852565419614,0.0,0.0,0.10695598676738076,0.0,0.10155104598512436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955561916426391,0.1105157595201128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472404003691936,0.0,0.11258887551224264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174659522536363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322368667775234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202760736394032,0.0,0.08621264204974269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470499134734647,0.1550144011211409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991767377348002,0.09545709806994547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549898054984101,0.07842345355159523,0.0,0.4085942249346328,0.0,0.19850669249444933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166914343615705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27704991855654715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775580717891254,0.0,0.10443023942957247,0.1135520954411419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171326331333916,0.08748995248098447,0.0,0.10584144456362167,0.0,0.26884318219988496,0.08142311217236839,0.0,0.0,0.07486105546609421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107569226463576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952216422557958,0.0,0.0,0.09737425938205284,0.0,0.0,0.14053121554465625,0.06776998131613259,0.0,0.0,0.06167245836753209,0.12156138044525225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180753470102537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872672530113138,0.06238297402311922,0.0839513834957259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810923247775405
bpd,OrangeAdventure,2019/02/25,"It’s been a year to date and I still can’t get over my FP. That FP being my ex wife. She left me back in February of last year, and I’m just as miserable in 2019 as I was in 2018. When does this end? I’ve been in weekly therapy but nothing seems to help me get past her. 

She got a new boyfriend within a month and a half, two months of us separating and moved him in to her apartment within three. She was lucky to be able to move on so quickly, me not so much.",2.0691816920943147,2.339743990291261,3.781581137309292,94.15825242718452,75.11650485436894,7.439112343966713,22.481276005547848,7.447530270364453,0.4232868238557561,353,8,92,4,7,119,71,103,0.051,0.912,0.037000000000000005,-0.0739,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,12,10,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,5,0,14,1,18,5,1,27,0,1,0,0,10,11,0,2,14,63,17,0,0.19993177682643634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153735195327452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496164521728286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708021137289548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089122030240723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990370604349985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401005562577908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297108265233168,0.0,0.0,0.2172264605144069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31916727360489644,0.42499167616903416,0.14697286041251234,0.0,0.0,0.19309535591273008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918399320548052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908575037329305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201038071039216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966577523599665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286394110281552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530429473602606,0.0,0.24049331057180806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037321167129634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574990185108718
bpd,helloyesiamfine,2019/02/25,DAE have this problem that even if you don’t really like the person you’re on a date with that much you will still do your best to make sure they fall in love with you and will feel rejected if they don’t? Asking because I’m not sure if this is something normal people always experience or is it BPD-related. I noticed I do this too much and now have no idea when I really like the person or just want them to like me so I act as if I like them.,7.689845360824741,4.19505919587629,8.222139175257732,79.30578608247423,65.28865979381443,11.761855670103095,31.466494845360824,9.516144504307137,2.348672164948453,350,7,82,5,4,118,62,97,0.08,0.685,0.23600000000000002,0.9418,0,1,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,4,1,7,10,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,2,20,16,11,0,7,8,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,14,8,7,14,3,8,0,1,0,1,12,2,0,6,8,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651125401575833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584472164845674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466180576600847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197395543371666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369008026070264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423588323979935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399434988268454,0.0,0.0,0.09510718003609532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123379148230454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675775553715803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976432430298147,0.0,0.12555579245252116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765449599515706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842945131299432,0.0,0.214148972271704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040234449015686,0.3284770029183516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998283012333818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099871158670266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448057808174671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502140099006881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545572191873204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094411675164524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StoneyDopepot,2019/02/25,"I know they mean well, but wtf. “You don’t have BPD— Borderlines are the worst!”

“No I haven’t told him that you have BPD. I don’t talk about my friends’ negative qualities.”

“Are you sure you have BPD? You seem to have an identity to me.”

I have BPD. I’ve been diagnosed by more than one doctor. I’ve also been diagnosed with schizotypal PD but I keep this one to myself because I can’t deal with more denial from my friends. I’m 110% okay with my diagnoses. Just because someone hasn’t witnessed an episode doesn’t mean I don’t have them. I’m tired of having to dredge up fucked up times in my past just to get people to understand that they have no clue what I’ve gone through, what I’ve said, what I’ve done. I guess they assume that I’m just peachy keen cause I’m not in the trenches every second of every day. & I guess it just couldn’t be possible that I’ve worked hard in therapy so I’m *not* in the trenches every second of every day. 

I have BPD & that’s okay. 

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bpd,Rocket8787,2019/02/25,"How do I stop thinking of people as black or white? This has always been an issue for me. If anyone in my life makes one tiny wrong move or does anything I don’t like they’re instantly a terrible person in my mind. I started a new relationship about a month ago. We had vaguely discussed hanging out tomorrow night, but no solid plans. I mentioned it today and he said it would depend on how much work he has, but we may have to reschedule. I was instantly livid and heart broken. I feel like he doesn’t care about me at all. I’m now sitting here on the verge of tears. I know this isn’t a big deal and feeling like this over something so small isn’t logical but I can’t help the way I feel. He’s totally on my shit list now. I hate this about myself. Why can’t I just say “ok no big deal let me know when’s a good time!” and move on like a normal person? How do I stop seeing everything as 100% good or 100% bad?",1.1722394043528048,2.9427182628866007,2.9071477663230247,93.4161741122566,80.28865979381445,5.9605956471935855,20.57159221076747,6.937597516519254,0.2646217640320732,709,19,162,8,18,235,120,194,0.19,0.657,0.154,-0.8682,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,0,2,12,13,2,0,9,1,17,3,2,5,2,35,30,18,0,3,8,0,3,4,0,2,1,2,0,2,6,7,0,2,7,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,4,8,21,8,18,23,3,31,0,0,3,0,16,13,1,6,17,97,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913061256057665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182511014760672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939701794283678,0.0,0.11059336308292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221190736394386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702184610236073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27710499790576243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760755543444215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078308022250142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385826470268645,0.1920196871272947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22544367049867015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268451431715414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925545222781576,0.09008028603188198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027058302435516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771692158632901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742517140383392,0.09492521401238566,0.2626290414430925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970786419780125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569785212169133,0.0,0.10727060429939232,0.2856753664619113,0.09879376023731884,0.0,0.0,0.12979686345791452,0.0,0.12611801385742175,0.13167586164941505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106766035390516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317065809625248,0.2346922415470649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428697155170886,0.0,0.0,0.12783779635887407,0.10687410386381327,0.0,0.0,0.1070932159653423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795170374510812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346171265290012,0.0,0.0,0.09512351963567264,0.0,0.0,0.22471586171681426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611312127911472,0.0,0.0,0.07836519626898895,0.0,0.12738813005128702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667430517346152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126809379871804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097839151787327,0.0,0.0,0.09546839184650592,0.14693681788877508,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeautifulRebellion,2019/02/25,"My life is falling apart and idk if I can do this anymore. My FP broke up with me the other day, for reasons I’m not even sure he understands. I might not be able to graduate because I have the math skills of a 14 year old. All the binge eating I do is catching up with me and I can see all the weight gain. I have $5 left in my account and half a tank of gas. I get too close to people and this is what I get back. Some people are meant to be alone, and I think I’m one of them. Idk how much longer I can deal with this ",0.19361344537815128,1.2794329411764735,2.2392352941176483,100.20355882352943,80.93277310924371,5.432268907563026,18.62268907563025,5.6839178017228535,-0.6284292436974783,396,8,107,2,10,133,75,119,0.1,0.8690000000000001,0.03,-0.5806,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,6,0,14,3,0,2,3,22,22,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,4,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,1,2,16,1,13,18,4,12,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,3,4,72,21,2,0.21887938614668231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266930334789053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170695364119675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830473732859674,0.0,0.13342684223000487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115909662478046,0.22565503615563576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396825532671133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456777024922884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287108906962594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378130934808108,0.0,0.1546009834678692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23219643947905355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090153340276364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22967709628511415,0.0,0.14831833669602887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30348681373844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504446326907415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441853234925064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629123111211356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024907268054146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278611601748404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665361258767154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409511484359007
bpd,bpdpancake,2019/02/25,TW: Suicide How much cipralex would I need to take to OD?,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.7076333333333333,44,2,11,0,2,13,11,12,0.31,0.69,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012398451501885,0.4047179505347213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5970375111778418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103880391634122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877342320933318,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,containsNaCl,2019/02/25,Not willing to battle this anymore Just want to be gone now,3.41,5.2529933333333325,3.84,88.905,74.0,4.800000000000002,28.66666666666667,3.1291,0.8405666666666662,48,2,9,0,1,15,11,12,0.0,0.742,0.258,0.3578,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8594795977554051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111700510028019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsame-barrio,2019/02/25,"To quit or not to quit Its midterms season and I'm at an all time low. I've maxed out my class absences and need to make a decision literally by tomorrow (its 1.40am here) whether to drop all my classes and take a semester leave or not.

Semester leave is just because I need to retain my visa while my parents (who brought me here when I was young) figure out just wtf to do with me. They wont let me go back to my home country without therapy, but there's no suitable therapist within their claws because the last five I went to all were heavily biased by their ""giving them background info"" which was filled with assumptions, flat out lies and ""I was a great parent Idk what happened it mustve been her abusive ex boyfriend it couldnt have been us!"" narratives. Yes Im familiar with the RBN subreddit.. 

One option is to have me transfer out to another university in July, which will extend my time in uni by 2.5 years. Frankly I'm fucking exhausted from dipping in and out of university. I already took a semester leave last semester. 

This is the worst, dumbest, most painful decision I've ever had to make and to make it worse, I'm completely fucking alone doing it. I've tried talking to my parents (god that was messy), my uni advisors and dorm dean (uhh...), and even ""friends"" who really just equate severe and manic depression and BPD as 'being sad sometimes' and I cant even fault them for not getting it. Everyone always comes up with the same 4 words: ""It's up to you."" Like gee, thanks, that helps me make the decision between living on the edge of suicide and actually completely throwing my life away. 

My head hurts so bad but there's no one i can talk to about it. Like literally talk to because Ive typed this out and erased and typed all over again so many times I'm so fucking tired.",4.92378205128205,5.946813803418808,5.443664529914532,82.08293269230772,69.08547008547009,9.040883190883193,31.71901709401709,9.2995712137729,2.731752991452992,1419,60,279,28,24,456,201,351,0.21600000000000005,0.708,0.076,-0.9957,3,1,0,0,0,1,48.0,1,1,5,2,17,17,3,0,11,1,23,8,1,4,5,59,46,25,1,3,12,4,0,2,1,2,4,0,2,0,18,25,0,1,5,0,1,7,9,12,0,3,11,0,31,5,47,30,7,39,0,4,0,3,20,17,3,4,16,180,49,8,0.0,0.11348383644818408,0.0934676270655672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919936778618084,0.10569579660716832,0.0,0.07969677218406024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043385689427432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998862029587566,0.07364903668276877,0.07997243915716816,0.17516010340240068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063176807523532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250613338166919,0.2008473667473544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249531795573525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652379467422706,0.08663864505967475,0.0,0.0915220546551377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399951984984975,0.26564166453412835,0.05004118435998265,0.09188106428956858,0.05443407646885669,0.0,0.0,0.10559797284857736,0.0,0.0,0.08469808583839109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829808447693597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419942734401618,0.0,0.09607531748198392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253465032608652,0.0,0.10345901690446076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561472403105451,0.0,0.3042521035871308,0.0,0.09794171061642533,0.06765236489087577,0.09358670363561553,0.0,0.08457564271346275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255736022317481,0.09710605659568773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420395612123612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298062406731443,0.0,0.10191685126844184,0.0,0.3190576237097677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374799598922355,0.0,0.0,0.06135922791866341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820432658149756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472903479142546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476795754052608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201476600254167,0.23095341174561035,0.0,0.0881815098011843,0.10953296890846928,0.11120815677184837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675505578120581,0.11008521275751257,0.0,0.0,0.10641529034839484,0.06502844658559145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152117484518576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878917489172522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232866358708758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760817345377412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167928762080192
bpd,moonmeetsun,2019/02/25,"I've lost all energy and motivation Idk what to do. And it's weird bc there are good things happening in my life right now but I can't get myself out of bed.

I'm doing a show in which I have an awesome role and I'm doing what I love surrounded by awesome people and yet I go to rehearsals and I can't pick up the choreography and my energy is low to where my castmates genuinely think I'm physically sick

I haven't been to school in over a week. I missed two job interviews. I received awesome news the other day, yet upon reading it, I felt numb.

It really became concerning when I missed my weekly tap class. Anyone who knows me in person knows that I literally spend my entire week looking forward to this class, I spend any spare moment practicing stuff we learn in class. And yet that morning, I woke up to my alarm... and then went back to sleep.

I should be happy right now. I have opportunities, a boyfriend, doing what I love. Why am I like this?",2.258624064478987,4.319388025906741,3.937780656303975,85.92811024755328,78.06735751295336,7.190443293033968,22.121185952792167,8.167268648758528,1.1736622913068508,751,22,155,14,18,251,118,193,0.094,0.68,0.226,0.9873,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,3,9,13,0,1,6,0,15,6,1,2,1,21,33,11,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,15,10,0,0,6,2,2,4,3,7,0,1,5,2,26,6,19,26,1,32,0,4,1,2,8,16,0,0,15,102,41,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954615108444293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291946078939432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135174964254965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337277930129752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879009459122898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918452652174251,0.0,0.09990795090265277,0.14744791690646109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545431741332116,0.1871362994174901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444871555328748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322389785050756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416871174131132,0.08588421443429489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476229356430217,0.0,0.19190024290630436,0.0,0.31732243535907073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218736318718477,0.15349680056964318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584187072945787,0.0,0.11261832895851208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002547404416388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791321508493627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592125483555301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012424131312248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678992045181676,0.11264188808524395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172548552432396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230347470326537,0.0,0.0,0.1629630757278438,0.15862701115792718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,omnivorousprincess,2019/02/25,"My birthday is tomorrow and I feel like no one cares. I’ve hated my birthday since my mom died in 2013 and my mental illnesses have gotten worse. And each year feels like people care less and less. When I was 18, I didn’t even get a cake. I’m turning 21 tomorrow and I don’t even want to. 

I just want to be made a big deal of for once. I want to feel loved. Instead I feel like everyone around me hates me and that hurts so bad that I’m sobbing in my car right now over lunch at work. 

I don’t deserve to turn 21. ",0.7258407079646005,2.186348176991153,2.496646017699117,97.28939380530971,80.50442477876106,5.935929203539826,20.14955752212389,6.742157984588678,-0.017763893805309742,396,10,99,4,10,131,72,113,0.226,0.608,0.166,-0.8977,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,2,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,17,26,8,1,3,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,4,15,6,11,21,3,13,0,2,0,1,3,7,1,0,8,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341630206330618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258357747213424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073158733879507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553744291037333,0.0,0.0,0.15641221628348614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908383302184607,0.0,0.0,0.14400897075284486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048121276352625,0.32299975990574314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787392665307686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29758800193051665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133717185001664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088651064762693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360208158514311,0.14260456193965418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518792910554,0.0,0.0,0.17650863624921664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050023633792687,0.10212436328638633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448269010180362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287047186308062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466809651542594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278563725254874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667633502683186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971799475171662,0.0,0.15358541336412276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970516971074332
bpd,Swoky_,2019/02/25,"So I sent a too honest text to my FP and was terrified I was sure he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Well one part of me was hoping he'd still love me. We've been online friends for years, but I always tried to hid how needy I really am. 
Basically we haven't talked for days and I was so upset, so I started writing how I felt (I just make notes, never sending them). While I was writing he texted me and talked to me a lot. First we talked about him and I was happy, then he asked how I was, I said messed up lol. Then I lost control for a bit and let something slip, he only said 'wow' and then he wasn't answering for more than an hour. And I thought he was mad. I can't handle when he's mad at me. So I kept writing then sent him at the end.

He answered a few hours later and was puzzled why would he be mad, and that he loves me. I still can't comprehend that. All these years I thought if he knew he'd be like noty bye. Not because I don't trust him at all, it's just I know how much he hates clingy people


The text:

I'm sorry. It's not you, it's all me, you're the best friend I could wish for, and it's not you who hurt me. After you talk to me I'm only fine for a few days, and a few texts here and there that I start don't help. I end up in this constant bad mood and my days are dull and bleak. Then a few more days and I'm convinced you don't care about me. That long thing I wrote you, and tried to explain how I feel... I don't feel that upset once in a while, I start feeling like that just a few days after our last talk. And I try to distract myself and not to think of you, but it's so much effort I'm eventually out of energy. I'm just in so much pain and have been for days. 
You just texted me that you finished the first book. Weirdly, I just feel shittier. Coz you have time to listen to audiobooks but not to talk to me. Well I guess they are relaxing and I'm just... me. I feel bad for pretending to be fine while I'm crying. 
Okay I'm kind of fine now. See what I go through again and again. And I hate this, I hate that I'm like this. Even if we don't talk for months, it doesn't help. And all I do is wait and wait and I hate it. I hate that I can't  be just a normal person. I can't tell you any of this because I'm terrified. I don't want to be like this. But I'm like this. And there's nothing you could do. I always think there's something, but no. Even when you started texting me first more often it made me happy but I started worrying that it's too much effort for you and you are just forcing it.
Oh I didn't mention the point. I was thinking maybe I should poof and not talk to you anymore. That's why I felt guilty, for thinking that. I could never do that to you, and I would never want that. It's just sometimes I'm in so much pain I don't know how to escape it
Why couldn't I just shut up. I was so happy you talked to me. It could've been all fine. But now I screwed it up again. And you are not answering me. I'm worried sick you are mad at me and regretting ever texting me today. I just hate myself so much why do I keep doing this. I love you, I don't want you to be mad at me, I don't want you to be out of my life, I don't want to be difficult, why am I like this. Can you please answer and tell me it's okay
I guess what I always want is that I desperately want you to know how fked up I am and see if you still accept me despite of that. One part of me believes you would, the other thinks you wouldn't.
I really wanted to get better and face this shit, my problems, my emotions instead of just ignoring them and binging stuffs so I wouldn't have to think. But everything is much worse now and I wish I would go back to being empty
I'm so pissed at myself. It really made me happy you texted me and talked to me a lot but I lost control a bit and now I think you regret texting me
Now I think you won't even want to talk to me and I'll just end up sending this one too",-0.2033128265412749,1.4593511261363687,1.938236677115992,99.18219696969696,84.32954545454545,5.000522466039708,17.387669801462906,5.935793293072707,-0.6437134273772203,3021,64,771,21,87,1013,258,880,0.207,0.657,0.135,-0.9973,0,0,2,0,0,0,91.0,4,30,3,11,63,68,14,3,19,3,79,11,3,13,10,172,166,79,0,32,33,0,7,6,2,9,4,3,0,1,49,45,0,7,27,3,0,6,34,32,2,6,31,12,149,35,74,110,27,83,0,6,2,4,91,20,3,10,64,530,198,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377144294178305,0.0,0.0,0.030994003988682725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904005106960602,0.0,0.0,0.03750608571164006,0.0,0.042608454029822884,0.0,0.0,0.035045991387284765,0.07610998161441003,0.05556677771340236,0.0,0.0,0.05134980590716695,0.047830374756758325,0.04030925818177993,0.09951681967767324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646891062014944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492526743293497,0.10223722945578964,0.14555848427428006,0.0,0.05006432534763767,0.1763608284497787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051268124631582236,0.1211033989207457,0.0,0.0,0.09030977222836463,0.04122711369119342,0.0,0.0,0.04096177594259591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522580463277785,0.032560303091236725,0.08752236383278228,0.0,0.0,0.11630362302539132,0.0,0.0,0.07042553853057526,0.0,0.023812163676266974,0.0,0.051805054377545824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041667050371356,0.0,0.0,0.1940707637329465,0.0,0.269987816331525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061098764603214624,0.0,0.0,0.045268363261241534,0.0897685632781953,0.0,0.04879124879398478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051103772194993,0.0,0.04746155609157554,0.07514397836770004,0.037151435277034496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046605692366404716,0.032192467194208305,0.13360006962638998,0.0,0.0,0.04033431629840737,0.0,0.0,0.09950561921254844,0.07749607384795176,0.12340538868880535,0.08625234446557782,0.030423081004309363,0.0,0.045788342256989335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03637922174566293,0.0,0.2345309876796459,0.0,0.10545565229268307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044655899915746436,0.04373247513173356,0.0,0.0,0.04853814451351025,0.0926527066248344,0.06932690593015235,0.09699453659272808,0.0,0.0,0.09871115735645383,0.0,0.03159743578597622,0.03979618252824427,0.0,0.05002999037262576,0.04308510950790107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436111477875286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759360896044288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670855490356788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263812628827387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046784257938255296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701749861738634,0.045076936331508416,0.051019853534593713,0.16129859790832088,0.0,0.10919383889641478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217489729866349,0.0,0.0,0.04295589549991295,0.0,0.0,0.40296478215280496,0.07967282221585052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030279412824965518,0.23363182148060865,0.0,0.07236628332463531,0.02657638474987221,0.0,0.04320177984610618,0.0,0.0,0.092831616608246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688256578973217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195860757606725,0.0,0.20563130522992715,0.0,0.10482287565135777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925715539068844,0.046446978266993434,0.12950671134442568,0.0,0.0,0.058700340971010234
bpd,theManEater,2019/02/25,"Today I organized my art supplies! When I was younger I was really into drawing and sketching with all kinds of materials.  
I used it as an outlet for my anger and depression during my first times in therapy.  


As time went on I got mentally worse and proceeded to abandon nearly every hobby I had. I had my art supplies somewhere stored away gathering dust in a complete mess just thrown together but I could never move myself to pick up a brush and do something.

​

Today I searched my whole apartment for every pencil, brush or colour tube I could find, dusted them off and threw away everything which was expired and placed it neatly into a box so it won't get damaged.  


I am proud of myself that I motivated myself and maybe I can get into art again",5.656666666666666,6.970561333333336,6.251000000000001,75.89399999999998,67.6111111111111,8.815555555555557,31.06666666666667,9.120678840339163,2.8335133333333338,608,24,103,11,10,198,97,144,0.073,0.825,0.102,0.8021,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,4,8,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,3,2,23,17,13,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,1,2,3,1,3,2,5,0,1,8,3,22,3,20,6,2,25,0,3,1,0,2,13,0,1,9,79,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041539076769186,0.202329978554592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128865046590535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745843817388622,0.0,0.0,0.2658921357421757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434163097569474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805866296035201,0.0,0.14965000691606953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218870534845585,0.14163479316672373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399101366277825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331746422670084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339634412593244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672834142991399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780466068214486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697561814130364,0.0,0.0,0.12842411192534595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396931848394154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667167853516198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818886540674984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042067582555466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418865857750467,0.0,0.31566730220958195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381267300458142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435804267301648,0.0,0.1859044009756532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968967919327965,0.0,0.0,0.202329978554592,0.0
bpd,donnybee83,2019/02/25,I hate sympathy I don't talk to anyone about what is going on with me or what is going on inside my head because I hate people feeling bad for me. I have completely isolated myself emotionally from everyone I know. And now every time someone does try to help me I treat them like shit. WTF is wrong with me why am I like this? ,2.2200497512437813,4.103644164179105,4.263507462686569,84.38441542288558,77.50746268656717,7.451741293532338,23.106965174129357,8.344100000000001,1.4468427860696518,257,8,52,5,6,88,49,67,0.29,0.54,0.16899999999999998,-0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,0,6,2,2,0,0,6,12,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,14,3,9,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,4,35,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554758492260865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565721271168967,0.13554559928690224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23313508180933115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458443803986195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501195485311474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873437537644869,0.2124698177021498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242941473281323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25273904410697395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390592349211331,0.2282004722029335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903993005580762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222005425998187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172629311670301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415302257149066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282443049744928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840074653248787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872059900818935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296570413487145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096451061502686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064088397060853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431103854734113,0.0,0.0
bpd,AkinaeZA,2019/02/25,"My story.... I want to tell you my story and if anyone can relate or not feel alone then I have at least accomplished something..I am diagnosed BPD, MDD, GAD and CPTSD. My story contains graphic information about my life, suicide, sexual abuse, physical abuse, rape and love so please only read if you are not in a bad space and know that you are not alone.

I grew up in a relatively normal family and I'm saying relative because at the age of 7 we were a family that had evening dinners together, bedtimes and going to school just normal..until it all exploded. 

I was at home from school because I got out of the hospital from an emergency appendix operation. My father and i was playing pinball on one of those old consoles where you blew on the cartridge to make it work. We received a call and my father went to answer and I followed, for some reason I didn't believe him when he said he is just going to the bathroom after that phone call . I was 9 years old. I followed him...I saw him load the gun and started running screaming no when he pulled the trigger, half his head gone blood everywhere and his body just kind of sunk to the floor. He was lying there half alive still even after what just happened only able to gurgle on his own blood trying to grasp at breath that a ruined body wouldn't allow. I lost a full year of memory after that I can't remember a thing for an entire year it's just blank I only recently found out from my mother that the time frame between when that happened and what I remember next was a year. I remember him shooting himself and then it went to us moving into a new house. a Year...

When my father died everything came out he was sexually abusing my sister and he was basically a paedophile. He was a monster that lurked behind a mask. My sister was taken away by the state. I didn't see her again for many years. My mother couldn't cope financially with 3 children and I was sent to live with so many random people, Aunt, our pastor,a random family I didn't know ( I ran away from there in the middle of the night wanting to go to my mother age 12 ) I ended up between 9 different families from the age of 11 till 14. I lived a life of deep poverty sometimes not eating for days or only having a slice of dry bread to eat for the entire day.

At age 14 I went to go live with my mother and I met this amazing boy age 18 at the time. We were living in a caravan park. Trailer home to say it like that. He liked me and I thought he loved me it didn't take long for my mother to speak to his parents and for me to live with them and she left for a different city . That's when I found out they were not your average family his parents would get drunk and his father would beat me and his mother and soon he started beating me as well...I didn't have anywhere to go I didn't know where my mother was or how to even contact her( cell phones weren't out then ) I lived with that man for 10 years having a baby at 18. I lived through immense physical abuse and sexual abuse. My sweet 16 was him choking till I passed out and me waking up to be tied to the bed with my legs splayed open. I ended up getting 16 stitches from the round hair brush he used on me that day.

I finally got away after 10 years of hell and torture so many broken ribs and arms, blue eyes you name it. I had it. I took my son and I ran. I had to plan it for weeks to do it and finally did it. I was free...

I got caught up in drugs and they would numb the pain from it all. I went dancing and partying  whenever I could so I can get high, until I went to a club one night where a guy and his friends didn't like the fact that I wasn't friendly enough with them. They waited for me in a dark spot and grabbed me 7 of them, I remember my underwear being pushed into my mouth to keep me quiet and they all had their turn. I gave up fighting half way through and went into a different space in my mind,  just let them finish and get up was what I told myself . I got up from there and they were laughing as if nothing just happened. I took my broken body home completely sober crawled up in the bath and I cried for 5 hrs straight. I didn't have anyone to tell about what happened I didn't have anyone to talk too. ....I knew something was wrong when I started throwing up. I was pregnant. I went to the hospital and got a pregnancy test done to just confirm what I already knew. They did all the other tests as well and I was hiv negative and no std' s. My thoughts at that time, I was lucky.....I decided to have an abortion because I wouldn't be able to raise that child financially or emotionally. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. 

I got off the drugs and started looking after my son I had alot of ups and downs from there on out. I had another son with a bf which was not planned and it didn't take long for me to break up with him. During our relationship I tried to commit suicide and took 180 sleeping tablets. I was found after planning it for weeks. I didn't tell anyone and I was found. I woke up in hospital high as a kite and everyone looking bright orange.

 I had 2 sons and I'm a single mother. What am I supposed to do.

I started to pull myself together not for my sake but for theirs and started fighting. I wanted to be there for them even though I battle this inner demon on a daily basis screaming at me to just take my own life get it done with.....I struggled on.

I met an amazing man who love those 2 boys as if they are his own. Who went through 5 years of hell with me before I got diagnosed. We are going on 6 now and he is sticking with me through all the difficulties, all the ups and downs,  all the mood swings and rages. He knows about my history and accept me for me with all my flaws and problems.  

Life can be hell, but it doesn't stay that way. Have hope and keep fighting guys be strong and love yourself even when it feels like no one else does. I love you. This community loves you. You are unique and beautiful in every aspect. I am 35 and going for dbt for the first time in a month. I am fighting. WE are fighters that's why we are still here. 
",2.6959330143540683,4.1306821674641165,3.961206060606063,88.9978090909091,75.01275917065391,6.897977671451355,24.342232854864434,7.517143675717005,1.0004280318979268,4754,148,1021,59,100,1558,460,1254,0.095,0.8320000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9597,7,2,4,2,13,3,122.0,9,9,14,10,48,47,11,1,60,0,92,41,16,6,11,177,187,91,3,17,26,21,5,4,3,5,13,7,5,8,52,87,5,4,24,6,1,36,29,22,1,7,91,22,172,25,175,82,18,184,4,2,8,9,130,73,3,14,74,700,224,7,0.0789557843982426,0.2338742339162704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177438081788654,0.04356483572170771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139601211160958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041544052935688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127233776145484,0.0,0.0329623909936075,0.07219606999210976,0.0,0.03359277857729983,0.0444780656585372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155311573847298,0.049721023235661535,0.0,0.08062268365651726,0.045152191645312166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413918188724482,0.0,0.0,0.031519884575673604,0.0,0.043364610841728685,0.07637992363169234,0.0,0.0,0.08013845915801139,0.04097181934732061,0.12373798472113245,0.0,0.0,0.034547369500271916,0.08079918030223003,0.0,0.0,0.09156364309943583,0.08079147877258615,0.03297871323988198,0.04440731514498904,0.0699313896584389,0.040791215747471785,0.0,0.1303738773632544,0.035710013646087536,0.03326182684528865,0.0377228177841636,0.0354801839593864,0.0,0.1860812166145038,0.0,0.03992241694762992,0.0282030140751081,0.0,0.08649220248002305,0.0,0.033579874937282005,0.0,0.17314188453341614,0.06100104316779074,0.0,0.10312784642064388,0.0,0.15705337133600364,0.0,0.22101853736005994,0.0,0.0,0.07817863996500002,0.13964067877576727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051570676847365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342112119011491,0.11879863411889967,0.03921045460284777,0.0,0.04555218719451897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017952897231415,0.0,0.041110149703658526,0.08678406846625238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289284538509892,0.040368819482630484,0.11153761104085927,0.0771476160925254,0.0,0.24401791456236355,0.06987338459880645,0.06630297337208754,0.0,0.043094782799475116,0.0,0.21378203417714986,0.0,0.026351799593770327,0.12007315916914373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986141723908679,0.0,0.03151087691227754,0.04195875173932463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03812799428822839,0.041985186220687774,0.07409465504623139,0.07735990480993885,0.03788010228969737,0.0,0.08285081393342876,0.0,0.08025372435001538,0.1200988638375428,0.08401452139644056,0.0,0.08767105478712912,0.0,0.0,0.02736899972067686,0.0,0.0,0.0433348706461041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037775011228759765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948857547741238,0.0,0.0,0.0405898482143577,0.038979655898230665,0.042384482033135565,0.17888302442580478,0.0,0.03755251582771313,0.06278880880662033,0.0,0.07990746905917279,0.031458768862766384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03950640266073476,0.0,0.0,0.030392010130192132,0.039044644832020685,0.0,0.16765593174080454,0.04207818038356638,0.06305419141178109,0.0,0.0,0.041270864495879564,0.0,0.08636481308930921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904738554830596,0.03173083435367528,0.10351625352169916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245471479154313,0.0,0.038786828645429934,0.06268207336550409,0.09207950565642782,0.0,0.0,0.0377228177841636,0.1315841724397743,0.053605794812600985,0.04294061035052395,0.0,0.0,0.047487043530882345,0.034096223575554814,0.0,0.0,0.06985525096787776,0.06267142656607033,0.06333356770477264,0.0,0.07099073238253108,0.2927712126453021,0.03562265731637701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028740375700387143,0.0,0.0,0.0841318858265825,0.04316287777639713,0.0,0.2288022141842643
bpd,thisisnotbill,2019/02/25,"This sucks...anyone with BPD and acne also? I appreciate anyone who takes the time to hear me.  Sort of rambled in some places. 

I’ve long history of social anxiety, anxiety, depersonalization, and depression with suicidal ideation.

I also felt like more was going on.
Tried doing therapy and also realized it my social life has been shit. But I also feel withdrawn most the time and can’t find a friend group. I have odds friends from different friend groups who i feel just put up with him since they know I’m alone and have no one. 

I know reading the symptoms on google of BPD is not the way to diagnosis oneself but I match almost all of them. 

Especially the intense mood swings. I’ll go from mania to suicidal idealtion very quick.

Also intense romantic relationships, I’m immediately attached to a girl that starts to like me and  to the point she starts to realize I’m mentally not sane as I come off too strong. 


I’m 19 turning 20, male in college at a decent school somehow.  Failing 1/4 classes right now may after to drop that.  No motivation or anything.

But my skin. My skin is shit. Acne is somewhat in control atm. I have huge scars all over my cheeks from past acne. I’m decently good looking i guess, I lift and such but the acne continues to push me into this BPD mold.

I’m thinking of going to a psychologist to see if I’m really BPD

But the many of symptoms listed I have went through over the past years and continue shit social life continues to push into extreme mental trauma and pain. 

Acne especially. It be interesting if I could even fix my problems if I just had good skin, and yes I do wash my face and eat extremely and do treatment.

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bpd,100terror,2019/02/25,"i can't understand why he wouldn't want to spend every second with me. i suppose this is just a bpd thing but when i have a FP i want to spend every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day with them. like there is nothing else i would rather be doing, than being by their side. 

and something i struggle with a lot is trying to understand how some people aren't like this. it really hurts in relationships because i feel like i love sooooo much fucking more, and so much more intensely than the other person. 

when i hear the words 'i'm just doing other stuff' or 'i want some alone time' my heart sinks, i feel unwanted, rejected, and second best to whatever else is occupying them. i feel offended and angry that there could possibly be anything else they'd rather be doing...

this disorder is shit",6.015838509316772,6.574776204968945,6.52005590062112,76.9928788819876,66.45341614906832,9.42136645962733,27.280124223602485,9.3871,2.271951055900622,663,18,120,12,10,216,94,161,0.2,0.6829999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9063,0,2,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,4,1,10,11,3,1,5,0,19,4,2,1,0,30,31,10,0,9,6,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,5,0,2,0,3,6,0,3,0,4,18,5,14,23,12,7,0,2,0,2,9,2,2,4,8,95,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288779944007029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240008737984768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585492841103199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058772893975615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672257472504628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935188667221152,0.0,0.0,0.08025081752726029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426142444544026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118505119399627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5242127780179566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875548709922293,0.08889698347333001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503892184815592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024822674620066,0.1474570604351478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225442291462281,0.0,0.13321113214235905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237918652559174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579089477154588,0.11230819696864923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294930905210646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193995371646238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626813819867438,0.10865256906859404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028270411416535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079716780546202,0.0,0.0,0.13359751510214649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773159368619133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579678310516224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300873498573462,0.1424492569951015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266963774693957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255953451262892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448376196316608,0.0,0.0,0.2590841798222564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018643377189984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228398391379832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839564504214698,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,katviel,2019/02/25,"My (21f) boyfriend (20m) has been promoted to my boss at my workplace where I’ve worked 3+ years and him <1 I never wanna hear about his work day. My bpd has been pretty good in this relationship. This is the first thing that’s been consistently making me bitter and cold toward him. 

He was promoted because he has more time to work the company since I’m graduating/moving- but now he’s one of the “higher ups” and it’s annoying having to hear about it.

How do I not be such a salty bitch and let this slowly ruin our relationship. ",1.8829797979797969,4.1606500925925936,3.644646464646467,86.41954545454546,80.48148148148148,6.8902356902356905,20.929292929292927,8.00094639256281,1.006877777777778,422,12,87,8,11,141,78,108,0.141,0.79,0.07,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,6,6,5,3,0,4,0,12,0,0,3,1,11,16,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,4,11,1,11,10,1,11,0,1,0,0,11,5,1,0,6,59,18,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515580951389502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258582284891622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240874709355607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746376124743436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722053041255542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628013161174174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099446250476412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704682861546474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834866411941464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912419109002588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887531383188215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408548133102504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983555661251307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639964668312726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971861908129808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484070238473771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322136894613644
bpd,milkyblush,2019/02/25,"Is recovery possible without therapy? I can’t get therapy because I don’t want my family to know and when I’m not manic I convince myself I don’t need therapy and that I wouldn’t know what to talk about. I want help so bad and just want to be normal. I noticed that my anger is more controlled since I’ve been trying really hard to get better, but I want to just be fully recovered. I’m only 18 and I heard as years go by it goes away. Also my bpd is not as bad as others and nobody besides my FP would suspect it. Will I be get better if I buy workbooks or practice mindfulness? ",1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,3.853028455284555,85.69466463414636,81.1951219512195,7.0268292682926825,23.258130081300806,8.07648339933343,1.4427837398373988,456,16,94,9,12,161,73,123,0.131,0.764,0.10400000000000001,-0.7401,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,1,0,0,0,13,0,0,1,0,26,27,14,0,9,8,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,2,2,16,3,12,19,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077191172307328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188975602777198,0.0,0.2521934405405368,0.09206136011364477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671326491182642,0.0,0.0,0.19020640704476266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693835558811005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236971537374696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367076442610195,0.0,0.08582905043291512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352856818309782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122658901775183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659950336646861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248875544702947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198059610453552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479690942147557,0.0,0.17193908226514895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485872521380976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025415238928376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674829829378584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492662065095755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213854342123898,0.0,0.0,0.518119052753136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253374693997236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563057887159597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557942446132285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728140519238144,0.0,0.0,0.09725295313682533
bpd,beautyismadness4848,2019/02/25,"I need advice. I can't tell if I've lost all grip on reality and need to be committed or I'm being gaslighted. There's a guy I've had a sexual relationship with for two and a half years. I have strong feelings toward him, care about him deeply, and believe I love him. I've asked him for a relationship and his response was that he can't offer me that in my current mental state. I have bpd, among other comorbid disorders. 

We used to be boyfriend and girlfriend when we first met, but at the time I was very erratic, didn't know I had bpd, didn't know what bpd was, wasn't getting treatment, and was severely unstable. I cheated, so he had to break it off to protect his own sanity. 

I've been trying to make up for that mistake ever since, so I've accepted no official relationship, just a sexual one, bc I felt like I didn't deserve that bc of what I did. We've maintained our sexual relationship throughout this time period. What's confusing though is during some periods he would occassionally tell me he loves me and we used to go out on dinner dates and act like we were bf and gf.

More back story...I've been in therapy for two years and one month now. He's even come to a therapy session and said I've made progress, even, what he thought, was impossible progress in some areas. 

Back to the point...He said, in person, we can work toward a relationship, but he's not open to eventually living together bc of my OCD. He says that's unhealthy and he can't live in that kind of environment :(  I accepted his response and said that I needed more. I want a relationship and to not be able to work toward living together was a deal breaker. We had sex and I left his house. That was Friday, over a week ago. 

He invited me over to his house again the Sunday and Wednesday, after our discussion. I didn't ask, he did. We cuddled all night Wednesday. I stopped reaching out bc I thought we agreed our wants are incompatible and assumed the continued sex was, what it usually is, just sex. 

What has me really confused though, is he's initiated conversation everyday since that Friday and texted that he misses me, calling me babe and other pet names, every evening this past weekend he said he thought about me and asked me how I was doing, we talked on the phone and discussed my therapy session, and he said I could see him this week to celebrate his birthday. Bc of these actions I thought maybe he was reconsidering and wanted to work things out. 

Yesterday I made a comment that I didn't want to push this away and he responded that he didn't understand what I meant bc I told him I moved on and was pursuing a relationship elsewhere. I felt very blindsided and confused by that comment, especially bc of his recent actions.

While I accept full responsibility for saying I agreed with him that we're incompatible I wasn't trying to convey that I've moved on, that will take a long time. I love him. I wanted to communicate my wants and needs and that they're different from his. I also accept that that's possibly how it came across, despite not intending to mean right now. 

I told him I'm so confused as to why he'd still continue like this if he thought I moved on? I thought, was hoping, it meant he'd reconsidered. He said reconsidered what? I said a relationship. He said when did he ever say he didn't want to work toward a relationship? I responded with ""I honestly thought that's what you meant when you said one day you'll want someone more stable once you're better financially, you still can't be in a relationship with me, and you could never live with me."" His response ""Uhh, your interpretations are so far off I cant even begin to fathom. Like I always say, your head is in a completely different reality.""

He also said he was sad about our conversation all last week and I was completely clueless to it. I asked him what I missed? What he did to show he was sad and to please help me understand his side. He said he has no side, I made my decision. He said goodnight and I haven't heard from his since.

Please help. None of this makes sense to me. He said he was just being cordial and a friend when texting and seeing me. I apologized and said that I felt stupid and completely misunderstood his intentions. I feel completely delusional, lost, and like I'm so far out of touch with reality that I can't function. My abandonment issues were massively triggered last night and I wanted to self harm so badly for the first time in two years that I got physically sick and couldn't sleep.

Yes, I understand, clearly I have so many issues to work past and that's why no one wants to be with me. I'm so lost and feel terrible I hurt him. I honestly didn't think he cared if I was around based upon some of his comments. I'm so confused. I didn't think you called your friends babe, but I don't have any friendships, so how would I know? I'm scared and feel like I need to be institutionalized, I can't even understand a basic conversation with another human being :(  I feel really alone right now. This is a huge mess",4.038714574898787,5.6033395718623495,5.20935222672065,80.86854251012147,71.80364372469636,8.884210526315789,27.777327935222672,9.380234391789264,2.37285101214575,3979,146,793,91,76,1317,347,988,0.124,0.7440000000000001,0.132,0.5458,3,1,0,0,0,0,114.0,13,9,0,14,45,45,2,6,26,1,82,11,2,13,8,169,180,72,0,25,13,0,10,6,5,4,1,19,1,6,51,67,1,3,35,2,0,10,29,22,0,10,79,31,132,23,92,83,12,111,0,9,2,7,154,44,0,14,61,499,183,7,0.037048238344962674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03620310973050025,0.03284102793002101,0.0,0.0,0.03837080176129865,0.0,0.05925492563861361,0.0308271021755036,0.0,0.0,0.02519407251280084,0.03884830820010216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03298078680967359,0.13854040683193744,0.0,0.034808039478522165,0.05697561687200211,0.03093373151209433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174067777805681,0.0,0.03276615612296488,0.0,0.0,0.13998287778124208,0.0,0.07566078718315314,0.04237331490332685,0.07554629625668212,0.0,0.0,0.03191377685897224,0.15537749212984756,0.0,0.0,0.0591600073517228,0.0,0.0,0.023893048808213458,0.038195106950969865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741504750982123,0.0424604908521716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235006008295173,0.06702450526938558,0.031214738683048537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366351241111164,0.026467268876229383,0.10671635625232608,0.0,0.0,0.06302642522024783,0.0,0.0,0.057246754086378776,0.0,0.0193561754255956,0.0,0.021055367628429987,0.0,0.029630860625448605,0.0,0.0,0.036683580677248175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03802218095895299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049665306438561936,0.0,0.0,0.0367972601073412,0.0,0.08549738571678142,0.039660905398173546,0.0,0.0,0.07733747079527115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038580039099760696,0.06108222869776545,0.06039851802729378,0.0,0.0,0.040253019363484334,0.0,0.0,0.10859938725927633,0.0,0.13085709285517388,0.032786525095220814,0.0,0.0,0.12132758581889705,0.0,0.10031244469838098,0.10516781673279384,0.04945997355909613,0.03756109873084942,0.0372199350392018,0.04035639262090377,0.0,0.0,0.037335910413067434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029571550386137988,0.11812924260912412,0.0,0.1373539964813315,0.028573885363081895,0.0,0.0,0.06953452394050744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039455164713688116,0.10041938047396504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073347119163145,0.0,0.03234909270565196,0.0,0.08133568065119373,0.035022560284898474,0.04176632213384441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746810031628771,0.0,0.036580665832874004,0.3977594306634094,0.0,0.06327798623692589,0.4933790207818369,0.11784898455727268,0.03709174970074276,0.0,0.059045298618693766,0.0,0.038649392514348686,0.04185396396802288,0.0,0.09194005681465346,0.0,0.03707499413961991,0.0,0.031390852123609245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917354199889526,0.030973986166687575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027855664525261,0.029777970619354825,0.06476358656140636,0.0,0.12710366800035755,0.0,0.0246132033355796,0.04747803037830706,0.07279941213949097,0.2058851404226344,0.08641250285195334,0.0,0.0,0.07080235881197308,0.0,0.05030664385198887,0.0,0.10857223663034613,0.15427409077362605,0.0,0.06399556548352936,0.04080340040128785,0.061137353279987726,0.21852010862615773,0.0,0.08915358625512458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686054524296202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348577937876096,0.0,0.0,0.05263601110874898,0.0,0.0,0.07157355245984567
bpd,deeperthanink,2019/02/25,"Anyone else’s moods change by tv, songs, etc? Whenever I watch a show I tend to take on a mood that mimics that of the show that I obsess over at the time. Like, if it’s a more dark, depressive show, that’s what I feel. If it’s a happier comedy, that’s how I feel. Same goes for music. 

Also, it happens with celebs. If I start to obsess over a celeb, usually my mood goes up for a little while. Like, when I have a new celeb that I like and bring them into my mental fantasy world I get like... scary happy and excited. Idk. Anyone else go through this?",0.4973850574712628,2.478246956896552,2.624827586206898,93.46126436781613,83.74137931034483,6.280459770114943,16.563218390804597,7.492282038375204,0.06902528735632174,421,8,97,7,12,142,71,116,0.1,0.726,0.174,0.8549,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,3,12,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,10,9,0,3,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,0,2,6,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,4,12,6,14,10,3,16,0,1,1,0,1,8,0,3,10,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800656041159186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763083926198346,0.4048930014630893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901596287183916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017741707719194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301094557897272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035658574406247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998071792027241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322864027792232,0.0,0.1122906216256164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472144888384675,0.21033012088079453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861150885198925,0.1980294546596308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991165703314904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082629684926336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398498277366251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855736268944095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521187652370055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176090807986138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilmissdisappearing,2019/02/25,"Tired of hearing about BPD on reddit. It's always in the form of ""crazy bitch symdrome.""

Commenting in a thread about a 30 year old who's serially dating ""damaged"" *young* women. Of course the friend who's posting proceeds to list the various ways the women have been crazy (emphasis mine): 

""His exes include a meth addict who got him hooked for a while, a self proclaimed sex addict who cheated on him while he was in chemo, **a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder,** a girl who turned out to be engaged, and those are just the ones he's introduced me to.""

Literally in the same sentence, describes *actual* things the other women did, but just put ""had BPD"" in the same list as ""got him hooked on meth"" and ""cheated while he had cancer."" As if that was the main crime, instead of the actual stuff she did. 

Of course I got downvoted when I pointed out that's fucked up and not really saying anything meaningful since Borderline can look completely different between two people. 

Cool. Cool cool cool.",3.6087900457665896,6.3570444728260895,4.283581235697941,81.6000915331808,77.09782608695653,7.569336384439357,25.988558352402748,8.532816995589336,2.1941456521739124,789,30,138,17,19,251,113,184,0.126,0.773,0.10099999999999999,-0.7878,1,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,4,0,17,4,11,6,0,0,0,14,18,11,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,7,12,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,10,7,9,6,26,7,5,24,0,1,1,2,24,12,2,1,9,95,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.2953716878238806,0.3299655085281581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259268628784586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453978583011005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812144381986505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867693332348112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581179122351185,0.1734485576637276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692477792805213,0.1399112349968135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363120863749234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057098845271046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708734203408306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880569441539547,0.0,0.10255178611414667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491998327473716,0.1321441028804918,0.0,0.0,0.14306505754386284,0.0,0.1449417237958506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213833038247734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695217094359324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035150785679412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788044960507566,0.0,0.0,0.1251898720117852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324789862747314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054345892758307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739428726152831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461427767783096,0.14783702423838355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012651346823501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745788921949827
bpd,123prettylittle,2019/02/25,"My BPD jumped out last night A guy I was getting to know didn’t texted me in a day. I wrote a lengthy paragraph telling him I wasn’t interested anymore (I truly believed it and I felt later down the road we wouldn’t be romantically compatible). 

Anyways he replied back and told me he wasn’t interested in me because I blew up. 

And I responded .. wait I told you I wasn’t interested in you first. Are you rejecting me when I already rejected you? 

Now I feel hurt and I asked him to talk and he said NO. 

Chiiiiiiiile .. I had to look in the mirror and say bitch are you serious? I was doing soooo good for about 2 years . 

I don’t even think I’m interested in him. I just am because he rejected me and my ego is bruised. ",0.4390840840840831,2.7693704459459454,3.243693693693693,86.45160660660662,87.78378378378378,6.5321321321321335,24.43843843843844,7.793537801064563,1.4321879879879886,558,24,124,12,18,196,87,148,0.142,0.7290000000000001,0.129,-0.4576,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,5,0,1,7,11,1,0,5,0,15,0,0,0,0,17,28,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,12,5,32,5,13,14,0,19,0,4,1,0,23,9,1,0,9,81,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260024322944026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031070535514972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146081117789307,0.0,0.0,0.15747893445855882,0.0,0.24968895440569705,0.0,0.0,0.23074001900965985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579390465100905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320793726810097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526879146277038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355328080279932,0.0,0.19664058644209906,0.0,0.0,0.17420319131803888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699980267220664,0.0,0.0,0.17177693347687156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278468279354048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192431592552093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255299275697678,0.16693973288928515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198083043586654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921913853576057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481216387574468,0.16286556893973922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461087535073787,0.17900465432988874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122788386765122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913912875365861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318848002659538
bpd,BrassEmpire,2019/02/25,"I(27m) am losing my ability to live with my gf(25F) with BPD (x-post r/relationship_advice)  

Had a bit of a rough morning, I apologize if this is rambling.

So, I (27m) have been dating and am now engaged to K(25f). I love K. She has been such an immense inspiration and motivator in my life since having known her. She has helped me grow as a person, she has helped me become confident in myself, she has been instrumental in helping me break out of the depression I was trapped in for over a year. Life since being with K has never been better in every regard, except for one. Since moving in together (we've known each other for about 3 years now, we moved in together about 2.5 years ago), we have experienced fighting, more so than the average couple or what some people would probably consider healthy in a relationship. What kept us together through all the fighting though, was our communication; no matter how bad things got, we were always able to come back together and discuss what went wrong, why things went wrong, and generally discuss our feelings in a mature and responsible way. Our conflict resolution made us feel stronger as a couple, we felt like our love and commitment to ourselves and each other helped us come out on top together. We reasoned that most of our fighting was due to my ADD (forgetfulness and inattention) and her high need for control causing clashes. We worked hard to overcome these problems, we created schedules and routines and practices to help us get along in a space better, and for the most part our efforts were successful. Fighting went from 5 times a week, to 3 times a week, to 5 times a month, the fights went from ugly all day shouting matches to <1 hr spats that were squashed quickly. But, no matter how much progress we made, the fighting never went away. To make a long story short, with the help of our therapists, we figured out that K has undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder.

After 3 years, I am at my wits end. I have tried so hard to be patient, to recognize that her extreme, sudden, and unwarranted anger is just her BPD acting up, that she really didn't mean all the horrible, nasty things she was saying to me. I have been able to handle her switching for some time now, I've been able to recognize the warning signs and I have learned how to sooth her, but this morning marks day 3 of 5 am fighting because I didn't make the bed right after taking out the dogs (she stays in bed, she didn't like *how* I put my half of the sheets back), or because I left 1 barely used dish towel out of the wash so we would have something to use while the wash was running, or because the dog was too excited and was hitting things with his tail and I wasn't controlling him properly.... and I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I have tried so hard to be patient and understanding with her while she struggles with her own problems. She has made so much progress since I've known her, and she has helped me every day with my own demons so I feel like I owe it to her and to us to see things through. I don't know what to do anymore, I love, respect, and admire the shit out of her when she's normal, but when she splits she's this horrible nasty person who yells, breaks things, and gets physically violent with me. I think I want to spend my life with her, but the splitting has gotten so bad lately that I don't feel safe/comfortable being in a house with her when she gets like that. I want to leave, but we don't fight all the time, and every time we kiss and make up it feels like we are able to make it all work out and that we are stronger for having overcome an obstacle; plus she's pretty financially dependent on me (I work full time and own a car and she is a part time student and struggling to find part time/full time work and has no car) and we have a lot of finances intertwined as well.

So I ask you all, what do you think? She is seeing a therapist (as was I until it got too expensive), and we have talked many, many times about our situation, her BPD, and my ADD. We have regularly discussed our strength as a couple and our resolve to come out on top of any problem. Our emotional communication and mutual support is bar none, which makes me heavily question any thoughts I have about breaking up.

tl;dr I am dating the most wonderful and amazing person I have ever met, but she has BPD and I don't know if I am able to keep up with it anymore. I am torn between my love for her and my quickly deteriorating ability to emotionally withstand being with someone who (outside of their control) turns unbelievably abusive at the drop of a hat and blames me for all of it.",6.705298672566372,6.4008441360619495,6.824695575221237,78.33534867256638,65.05088495575221,9.975362831858408,33.456106194690264,9.490545024520769,2.8576994513274334,3665,139,722,62,50,1177,358,904,0.11199999999999999,0.7509999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.9809,2,1,2,0,14,1,116.0,33,2,1,19,35,45,11,2,41,0,77,14,2,21,11,179,134,76,0,12,15,0,10,5,0,2,5,3,2,4,35,85,2,6,26,1,4,16,15,22,1,2,37,16,125,23,117,89,27,108,1,2,2,5,107,39,1,15,52,511,160,9,0.2302595027232593,0.054563971682907914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082223122015453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038318870393985606,0.0,0.0,0.06263374311464419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370133324764325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043052310459637984,0.0,0.04326727649756576,0.07082213780932403,0.07690282673122695,0.08421843340119778,0.05086070603749605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145832732748437,0.05027674805708982,0.0,0.2320030264511411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730798743919224,0.0,0.11900890381580835,0.0,0.0,0.15495336700023646,0.0,0.15286665609452962,0.0,0.08909899821787066,0.0,0.039664434458597735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277946777372678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036043793927562,0.04078831495430504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416565805637006,0.11640213723315945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642612310082365,0.06579897390140821,0.04421704642525838,0.0,0.042090602797289225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218065193744053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736638235734701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376037211869513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607332741875224,0.04865636135021451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053137710182005186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093304516110235,0.0,0.0,0.0759267605342871,0.0,0.05194854969396495,0.04876231330727397,0.05003552468780667,0.0,0.0975834578135616,0.11249316217384828,0.0,0.0406646718908573,0.040754482813219514,0.0,0.05152029708951285,0.0,0.039151679011515166,0.16625455291115396,0.13072626535116494,0.1537000060621169,0.09337879804134418,0.0,0.05016402027038554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03675818765398197,0.09789176445038901,0.06770689139981732,0.03414690073234635,0.07103612941930054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512108478945507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03120595964160986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960916169473235,0.0,0.031926589362622285,0.16084297300392006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410499080068913,0.046851338811008635,0.049651737746612835,0.1321963481286373,0.0,0.04629487966765484,0.05158866808256552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029502026715211706,0.04734902369310693,0.0,0.04944250674229226,0.0,0.039328071441823036,0.0,0.0366223197010503,0.0,0.0,0.07339480474884896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727161412549194,0.1523784320709812,0.051764265711183984,0.0,0.0,0.0390196258874177,0.0354530029315702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908519858025881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628689077773774,0.0,0.0,0.05225915099835912,0.0,0.0,0.03462529797984107,0.03701477324280249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693961196453038,0.1835690185656865,0.059016396749537785,0.04524575846685022,0.036560064985245284,0.2953855690187657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253243508734901,0.05009124365644305,0.0,0.04794165257448475,0.2769738306712867,0.0795481120992885,0.0,0.0,0.05432520820967243,0.03655385511281632,0.07388011361820078,0.0,0.041406189200560765,0.21345286589570425,0.041554677326631005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049941321698119635,0.13410532828797958,0.0,0.0,0.06542789770669029,0.10070104779423088,0.0,0.11862365631955055
bpd,DigitalDrugzz,2019/02/25,"How do I know if I'm really in love? Im dating my FP and he is so nice and understanding and he hold me when I'm sad and he's here for me as much as he can be but I'm terrified that I might not actually love him and I'm just not wanting to be alone, I don't wanna hurt him because he's so nice and I hate hurting people. I feel like I love him, more than anyone I've ever been with, and I have no reason NOT to love him, he's actually perfect for me, he's everything I ever wanted, he's nice, attractive, into the same things I am, he respects my boundaries and he doesn't think I'm crazy because of the clinginess or mood swings. I'm just scared of hurting him.  ",1.6538682123245891,2.3773371812080555,4.264539353264187,88.61388041488712,76.51677852348993,7.297376449054301,23.61256863941428,7.686295010490155,0.8832228187919458,516,15,124,7,11,184,80,149,0.155,0.5529999999999999,0.292,0.9828,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,18,1,1,2,0,11,4,0,2,3,33,28,17,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,19,11,13,24,3,6,0,4,0,4,19,2,0,3,5,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.2887799260551428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324442800882598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034587535731166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803930169778564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676809318835018,0.0,0.0,0.1329790685572473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481423752378008,0.10570437138961417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608224176235945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751904429726122,0.0,0.15982478741248787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131626800089879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228695700351684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341673878521915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696472894463545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876939213195533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025785011251704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478850516191152,0.15212999500239013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481361792254739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829964695786347,0.09480833438888096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403408133258845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454411957905724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadbabykitty,2019/02/25,has anyone else noticed there’s a huge lack of SELF help info on BPD? it always seems to be about the other person... anytime i google “how to deal with (insert bpd symptom) for people with bpd” the results are always “how to deal with a partner who has bpd” or “how to help a loved one with bpd” and even a lot of negative things like once i saw “how do i avoid dating girls with bpd” when i had googled how to deal with abandonment issues when not getting a text back. idk i find this really upsetting and i’m not sure why this is :/ also if anyone has any links for self help please send them my way!! ,4.0253048780487815,4.455721398373985,4.70055894308943,88.7464481707317,70.78861788617886,7.450813008130081,23.50508130081301,7.1686216300943375,0.6943178861788621,464,10,101,4,8,149,80,123,0.155,0.706,0.139,-0.3047,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,12,6,0,2,7,0,8,2,0,6,1,27,13,12,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,6,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,1,7,3,17,10,2,8,0,1,1,1,15,2,0,4,5,66,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075117070412864,0.16804169869486985,0.0,0.0,0.0686677378559605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121075809324918,0.10346274165099248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764498418349075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7630610375453494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31230817369724223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843532222525605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669427380720946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922910346837582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275624968307362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203048013059004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539362320868187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933220073788495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584692842203309,0.09113557236844927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496284181160055,0.0,0.10753707667733013,0.06842454401269013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000465116621339,0.08816911266176733,0.0,0.11084228630473578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468837198478232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192555485676734,0.21068180637481027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951695099682221,0.10495363680296907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708454909718523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015074353506937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111592401977853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,schizoheartcorvid,2019/02/25,"Make it stop I read a short story. 

It was about a holocaust survivor who made it home with his family. He asks for a piece of cake and they can’t give it to him because it’s dangerous after being starved for months. 

I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop feeling all these things. I wasn’t there. I wasn’t even born. Why won’t all these emotions go away? Why can’t I feel a drop instead of this vast ocean. What use is this overwhelming tide? I can’t help the man. I can’t punish the people who harmed him. He’s probably long since gone into the void. 

But even typing this doesn’t make it go away. 

I thought it would. I wished it would. 

Stay strong out there. ",-0.02658484976724651,2.1964629136690625,1.26644942869234,100.54595429538726,88.92805755395685,4.421667371984765,16.090139652983495,5.900188976854957,-0.7712034701650445,511,11,121,4,17,161,83,139,0.187,0.7390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9367,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,6,5,2,1,7,0,15,0,0,4,2,20,28,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,17,4,0,3,3,1,0,3,10,4,0,0,6,2,14,1,12,18,3,18,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,7,75,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519747496974136,0.0,0.3054671605590589,0.0,0.0,0.09909708444919664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785681618054411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286184246175766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474306515212152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325022017906545,0.0,0.16439378725632947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594553914371548,0.18477694981793624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896275949011866,0.0,0.1630642537608547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386341310051634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382133381085,0.21702454247309247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975648248383095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270092999132915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527074239505427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260730117129424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447404927885512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327085790381067,0.0,0.4077306168610159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799983922997823,0.0,0.0,0.12905710903164727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404025044895677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933762029516238,0.0,0.18693978287182209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23096062141715426,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bannashack77,2019/02/25,"Dae share a room with a sibling I have done all my life, now 20 years of age and nearly made it out to a place of my own. I think it was a big factor in me having BPD, never having my own space, always sharing my mum would also constantly get me and my brother to wearing matching outfits and I think it was a big part of me not having a sense of self or an identity as I have always been coupled together with either my younger or older brother. My older brother has resented me since I was born, although he's gotten better through the years, he would trick me out of my money and other possessions and would constantly pick on me, he even tied me to our bunk bed once with his karate belts leaving an inch gap between me and the floor so it would HURT! 

Anyways I was just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience?",10.819001996007984,6.021827556886232,10.527275449101797,69.16141217564872,60.85628742514971,13.289021956087826,42.20459081836328,10.125756701596842,4.17915249500998,650,24,128,9,6,216,102,167,0.052000000000000005,0.9,0.048,-0.1503,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,11,0,17,2,1,2,2,28,23,13,0,5,6,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,5,11,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,9,0,24,3,19,10,5,22,0,1,0,0,12,12,0,4,10,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871420360138874,0.2678518866133149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125422090443553,0.16491555822537265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235001208736206,0.0,0.0,0.2027149016137575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34786642584689936,0.0,0.0,0.17809163741952422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647109896331651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134455732700531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063080604654196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744309906719334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409139587378955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230371306412695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042618272266324,0.0,0.0,0.11368599425848334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522977949863149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413701843918193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140988869200796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742966141857715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816182080392286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679092741589765,0.0,0.0,0.13314213757393706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062646034180161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454686293288293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573460975673915,0.0,0.0,0.20729714769428692
bpd,justaboredintrovert,2019/02/25,"Does anyone else feel like they form the most stable relationships with others who have BPD? I don't get close to many people, I can't ""connect"" with most others. I could never really figure out what it was, but I've been thinking about it and I truly believe that the vast majority of people I feel a connection with also have BPD. It almost feels like everyone else is shallow, fake, or pretending. 

Now most of this comes from my own speculation, some of these people have been diagnosed/believe they have it but others I suspect have it from the behavior I've seen, I haven't brought it up to them. I'm thinking of around 6 people in all. Anybody else feel this way?",3.7176293706293713,5.71258677692308,4.722167832167834,82.25646853146854,73.53846153846153,7.496503496503498,24.89510489510489,8.296473431620573,1.6464615384615389,531,17,99,9,11,173,80,130,0.055,0.846,0.099,0.5583,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,13,0,0,0,2,27,24,5,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,5,11,2,16,18,8,11,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,6,4,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887213799221236,0.0,0.0,0.11889183110910845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395394553179756,0.15233060646916666,0.0,0.13234836067926814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350017274874135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744908513842112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280665641709335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870138265587753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301026505017946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725856467260265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206113661062644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30068930482730594,0.2124206234157482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767425626869898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526589836967846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072866123624354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146639377606362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122779194768978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952421980966364,0.0,0.0,0.15961659403947456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052424446727814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800780819086902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jayekeeyu,2019/02/25,"Why does he want me to spiral? He’s my fp. He dumped me. I spent a few days just crying and yelling, unable to eat or do anything. This weekend I finally felt like I was getting my appetite back and starting to push him away. Then, he texts me at 4:30 a.m. about how sorry he is and how much he loves me. He also asked if we can talk or meet up that day. I said sure. And of course, he never called. He never replied. But, he had time to post photos with a female friend. He never posts photos. 

I have so much anxiety. I feel so sick again. I just don’t understand why he wants me to spiral like this. I don’t get why this is happening, why is he playing with my emotions? After so much time, he’s just become a whole different person. I can’t shake these feelings off",0.3024706694271906,2.438581403726708,2.116966873706009,95.81601621808146,85.8944099378882,4.820013802622499,18.261214630779847,6.139981653823899,-0.27147646652863955,590,15,133,5,18,194,98,161,0.08800000000000001,0.804,0.10800000000000001,0.5087,1,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,0,0,0,13,8,1,1,3,0,11,3,0,2,4,26,25,15,0,3,7,0,3,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,5,7,1,0,4,2,1,2,6,2,0,0,5,5,19,6,14,20,5,22,0,0,0,1,24,4,0,3,16,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510709149942367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054604680828393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815833397018464,0.0,0.122872310278985,0.0,0.1234858284253913,0.10106402651358973,0.0,0.0,0.14515765557126872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420800373422193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437321085898494,0.1695270960325752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731973155569366,0.0,0.0,0.11501808882109164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344889873797702,0.0,0.14784467215694544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291316140289672,0.0,0.1261964942178464,0.1439786584489571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015449729276346,0.0,0.13733685627722428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622595458637094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284232560744708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862360458996035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898555993610378,0.0,0.304108185199818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476241039177353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517533696406231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250230817397939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712871932652527,0.09302910336002553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387424609404207,0.0,0.0,0.10564103654924127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327952480014242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682660808511052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550454265484144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474392119866158,0.14674048653789004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pjnj20,2019/02/25,"im scared three years ago was the worst year of my life and last year i felt like i finally got better. but out of nowhere i got bad again. my mind is so unstable its driving me crazy and i just cut off my only irl friends just because im afraid one of them doesnt like me anymore and i can feel myself beginning to become toxic and i dont want to hurt them. im so afraid of what im becoming. i used to always tell myself that im too much of a coward to go through with killing myself but my mind has become so swirly that i dont know what ill do at this point when i get in a bad enough headspace. im only 17, im so young and imagining that i still have so much time left and im stuck with such a fucked up mind terrifies me. how am i supposed to live on like this? i dont want to. i dont wanna deal with it. why couldnt i have been born normal? its like god didnt want to put any effort into me but didnt want to kill me so he just gave me bpd and figured id kill myself later",-0.1635238095238094,1.2985465777777812,2.171682539682539,98.57600000000002,83.22222222222223,5.352380952380952,17.825396825396822,6.1826913282559595,-0.5083269841269846,760,16,197,6,21,259,120,225,0.172,0.649,0.17800000000000002,0.5411,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,2,2,15,18,5,3,4,0,17,3,0,2,0,35,33,18,3,7,6,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,5,0,0,3,8,12,0,2,9,2,30,6,25,23,4,26,0,1,0,1,7,9,1,0,18,117,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697429879486567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286720246642141,0.0,0.0,0.05137949225972222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492953058403098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261693136734793,0.04605717974460391,0.2503312549014704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682160909258918,0.0,0.0,0.09515795407564832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789313144786421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35419615175298863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806775448667287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038202507423124914,0.0,0.07254394457619978,0.08276600616691034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058373039074585326,0.0698487021499237,0.03947398599221758,0.0,0.04293923094572606,0.0,0.12085529827546695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088240521192712,0.0,0.6528925861828586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507688056060361,0.0,0.04152264909386719,0.061586811499119626,0.0,0.0,0.08208993189829758,0.0,0.05336621301430261,0.14764799337260873,0.0,0.06671580176315367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288648139670657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110821589008118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402713973031072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119752651309849,0.1149248489459248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142320338084758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595290631745458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564300157033257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603377350281071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603775933313184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405630053626037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525462804290404,0.0,0.0,0.17825545630301382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817597403210925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459634119391777
bpd,K-619513,2019/02/25,"DAE has those days like; NOPE So today I had to work early, on 2 hours of sleep. My mind has been all over the place since I just met someone, I think.

I woke up and I instantly felt like calling in sick, but I managed to get myself to work in time. I work with customers and normally I have no trouble ignoring the annoying/mean ones., this day however my bucket was already full. 

I won't bore you with the details of all the shit that went down, but I will tell you what made me write this.

We always have people come in that need our assistance, which is not a problem at all because they arrange it that way. Sometimes we run a bit busy so we work a bit faster, and are maybe a bit less considerate to the customer (we won't do extra's, have a chat etc.). Today they came 6 times within 2 hours (normally it would be spread throughout the day), needing assistance every time. The 5th time they came, we already had someone overworking so I needed to be elsewhere. I helped the lady, but then she asked me if I could help her with something personal too. I referred to multiple colleagues that were immediately available and said I couldn't help her. She starts whining that this is not our service bla bla bla. 

Now, the day was already shitty, but something in my head just switched. I brought her to the colleague and gave another colleague the look we all do. I hear her whining to the colleague who is helping her and I just can't have it. Before I do something stupid that absolutely will lose me my job, I duck into a storage closet. I honestly don't remember what went through my head in that closet but something got me out after a few minutes. 

My colleague saw me, and he immediately offered to take my shift so I could go home (he was the one that should have already left). He has no idea what a hero he is. He has no idea about my daily struggles and how my mind reacts. He just saw me struggle and didn't tell me to just suck it up. I never cry, but I cried when I got home. I don't know why this touched me. ",3.0394708165397835,4.6620149384236464,3.972713837886253,88.49323705030602,74.49261083743843,6.694611135990447,27.327660844902226,7.348242739294969,1.3468696223316918,1579,61,328,18,33,508,202,406,0.109,0.7909999999999999,0.1,-0.5504,2,0,4,0,0,0,49.0,8,2,3,6,14,16,3,2,21,0,39,5,4,3,5,68,68,23,0,12,14,0,2,2,0,6,1,2,4,1,22,23,0,1,8,1,0,8,14,12,0,2,23,7,64,4,32,34,12,46,0,3,3,0,43,17,2,1,22,226,86,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34488602755861786,0.0,0.06501276316115243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192907156325789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304363710815866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762904028067538,0.0,0.06648527284821255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559024011152644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978234233176566,0.1787262565569328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730450383231115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476539392748677,0.0,0.17165046214528593,0.20155681380919305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713874487162687,0.0,0.0,0.06583026849506803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501975756002982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082117227515265,0.0,0.04440468069638635,0.0,0.12497990327707065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037362392882834,0.0,0.0880613637230273,0.0,0.2094831221198649,0.0,0.15674717281305411,0.0,0.15389017295074411,0.0,0.0,0.17640488095678644,0.0,0.0,0.07753476517185558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293975308993722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848915347119142,0.0,0.0,0.0763434958751332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561188835790162,0.08741063706299733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393116099051472,0.0,0.0,0.07849491683652146,0.08510954356216374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778374481043894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380348224052994,0.06026084550951199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310714375607182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588963831850816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416745774169049,0.06822256242501837,0.08163216445405562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476255417840037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850925102471133,0.0,0.0743222015766643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020221425599129,0.06463227395041732,0.0,0.07818924398010976,0.0,0.13240336525440072,0.2406018402153717,0.07727535425344695,0.0,0.05530281029874373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336277038686772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874615493104565,0.0,0.13658305249104147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006435452106281,0.0,0.0,0.1822394965992186,0.0,0.14812155011758166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201819366391367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485980900652812,0.07050271491558381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275264864802341,0.0,0.0,0.055503311736517166,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChaoticBloomly,2019/02/25,"DAE struggle with empathy? It’s been suggested to me recently that I may be mildly autistic because I struggle with empathy incredibly and in a lot of situations believes I am the only person who’s feelings matter and have done since I was little. I also struggle in comforting people, genuinely don’t know how to react when someone is sad. However I’m high functioning and don’t show any other traits of autism imo. Personally I don’t feel I have autism and feel are very happy to hand people the label due to the fact it’s such a broad spectrum. 

Is low empathy a trait of borderline? Or am I just a self centred asshole who struggles to relate to people? Tbh it’s probably the latter 😂😂",3.5583333333333336,5.741936333333332,5.667129629629631,74.46958333333336,74.55555555555556,8.648148148148149,30.50925925925927,9.2995712137729,3.2337037037037035,555,26,94,14,12,193,87,135,0.11599999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.086,-0.4373,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,4,8,0,15,1,1,2,1,18,20,8,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,4,9,2,13,15,1,9,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,3,3,63,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283871130761402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445738870512726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363682893019727,0.0,0.0,0.1730614294795975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719233106082375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23300351902481664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351650799099365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229323676962748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441787385790983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539536266593777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059037986851585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116824330975662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194733052095695,0.26824577481831074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656133135836916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166745384476513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024462162824574,0.0,0.0,0.12706452079657682,0.17265964815583262,0.0,0.0,0.1301499168264675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6423296247052291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674108706969822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,copper92,2019/02/25,"Escitalopram Hi everyone. 
So I've been prescribed escitalopram by my gp, and was curious about the side effects I should be expecting. I'm very sensitive to meds, so I expect some kind of side effects. The gp said that he's going to build up on that, and then prescribe quetiapine alongside the escitalopram. But I shan't worry about that one until it gets to it. 

Those who are or have been on this, what side effects did you experience? 
Thank you! ",3.6645,6.109885023529412,5.351397058823533,75.6200367647059,75.23529411764707,8.485294117647058,28.27205882352941,9.188382445141503,2.7000882352941185,357,15,66,9,8,121,61,85,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.7578,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,3,0,11,14,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,6,2,11,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,2,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238128865739097,0.0,0.3314881551835279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705000632078288,0.0,0.19259243573347748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35288976341040273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37641756941205895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296328117089476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32235101359233825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311993752093546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796102160332816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441475211400864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ace00669,2019/02/25,"I gave myself 2 black eyes last night... The littlest thing can set me off and send me spiraling into  horrendous breakdown, no matter who is around me. Lately my poor SO has seen me super manic. Last night he told me to leave his house and go home and I punched myself several times in the face. I woke up this morning and I have 2 black eyes. I feel like a monster. Why is it so hard for me to control my emotions? I wish I was normal. ",0.6539999999999999,2.8631641777777794,2.3422222222222224,94.3,85.0,4.933333333333334,20.11111111111111,6.2581,0.06357777777777772,336,10,73,3,10,110,65,90,0.13,0.76,0.109,-0.2421,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,6,3,3,1,0,11,13,6,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,7,18,2,8,8,0,14,0,0,5,0,6,5,0,0,7,46,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798740247617315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368467891404735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753951019368594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067746534160623,0.1508609589999671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001362767635647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916818218669876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118222284485235,0.0,0.0,0.2436635540587983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442659079931649,0.2382106455712153,0.2236001236011606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316772630475547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39634028785993775,0.2069032302131489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385636830038329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029295869667832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123135797565622,0.0,0.0,0.20178341406859446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905494295951498,0.0,0.2428367988711109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HighYou_CantSustain,2019/02/25,"This is my story. I wanted people's thoughts on it. Be honest. (trigger warning) Trigger warning. Drugs death assault etc. It starts off okay but gets kind of dark. Sorry.

18months my parents split. There was domestic disputes that got violent. I was usually watching but don't remember it.

2yrs my mum started dating a paranoid schizophrenic. He was in and out of the psych ward. He locked us in the house during his delusions.

5yrs they broke up.

10yrs my older sister moved across country to live with her dad. We have different fathers. I started self harming. Superficial cuts on my arm.

11yrs i started high school. I struggled so badly. I stopped going. I'd cry every day. I missed school and went to my friends house. My mum came home to find me waiting at the door. She grabbed me by my hair and dragged me to my bedroom. She threw me on the bed. Picked me up by my hair and screamed into my face. She slapped me hard enough to fall back. 

My mother lost herself in her illness. Sent me to my dads and went to a different city to kill herself. She chose not to and came and got me. She became catatonic and locked us in the house and removed the land line. 

I attempted suicide via overdose. Woke up hours later. I was moved to a special needs school.

12yrs my father was brutally murdered. I started dating a boy.

13yrs my self harm had become a regular thing.

I saw a man die. I held him, a stranger as he bled from his head injury and died of a most likely heart attack.

I overdosed and ended up in hospital overnight 

My boyfriend of a year sexually assaulted me. I was injured. Nobody cared. The police didn't. My school didn't.

My mother by this point was usually an amazing parent. But would on occasion lash out. Call me a bitch, a bastard, say she hated me, that making me cry made her feel better. That she wished she'd aborted me.

14yrs my self harm was really bad.

15yrs old i moved into my father's families care. I started overdosing on prescription painkillers. Woke up choking on my own vomit, vomiting a lot.

Aged 16 I went to college to study construction. I hated it and cried every day. I began stealing painkillers off my family.

Aged 17 a girl I'd been seeing lied about being assaulted for attention. Lied about being diagnosed with bpd. I felt betrayed when she texted people telling them private things about me.

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

18yrs old I was about to leave college and enter the workforce. I was convinced i was going to end my life.. I was too scared.

19 I went to uni. I dropped out. I moved in with my mother. We argued and disagreed a lot. I ruined her life by being there. She knew i had nowhere to go but couldn't cope.

Christmas eve i took a massive overdose of sedatives and painkillers. I went unconscious. My mum tried to wake me but i wouldn't respond. She knew i must of took something. She left me on the bed and watched a movie then went to sleep. I woke up Christmas day hallucinating for several hours.

I was about to make another attempt. My mum put me into hospital . I was released into my father's families care. I started drinking every day.

20yrs i gave up drinking but started on opioid painkillers. Became addicted. I eventually had a seizure. Didn't stop me.  

Four My boyfriend of almost a year cheated on me with a close friend. 

Five weeks ago i gave up drugs. I've been coping okay

What do you guys think?",1.1179975867270002,3.72697955692308,2.2716018099547526,90.12655505279035,94.96923076923076,4.9490196078431365,24.06485671191553,6.661559191721324,1.135828657616893,2672,115,499,39,102,847,319,650,0.268,0.672,0.059000000000000004,-0.9995,4,0,6,0,1,2,94.0,4,1,2,4,11,42,15,2,29,2,36,22,8,6,1,70,91,26,6,7,7,16,6,1,2,3,12,2,5,8,12,33,2,4,9,2,0,23,7,28,0,2,51,12,116,14,78,31,6,100,0,4,4,0,65,39,2,4,38,308,128,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312046770563103,0.0,0.0,0.05132560569358741,0.0,0.05797933266384499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060714084613615375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587057020220173,0.0,0.044522175918983414,0.09668957437045957,0.0,0.06394693443628241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051208592278090236,0.0,0.0,0.07292408755863884,0.0,0.05912323660671825,0.13244628379431928,0.1771013115763452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080407876845945,0.14936502043250366,0.0,0.0,0.11753627805997567,0.1201838718145193,0.12098811924237104,0.06635938484259679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344157034155555,0.13429319615816182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256592585350556,0.05982705091753693,0.0645747477459858,0.0,0.0,0.14635187786037376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375129130908242,0.0,0.029276407036544737,0.0,0.05559389141467092,0.0,0.05292032351020759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946809867633032,0.0,0.03025080182468547,0.0,0.09871915388273574,0.0,0.09261719042802488,0.0,0.0,0.057330939862214526,0.0,0.0,0.05186778437463818,0.11433019468483868,0.05942297152414984,0.0,0.0,0.06861278029140064,0.0,0.0611754218841633,0.058079268637682625,0.0,0.11404133848290185,0.20042940418076924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405870644105435,0.06029482020772532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130863479800847,0.06290943767743427,0.0,0.0817941585300201,0.028287428258498132,0.0,0.051127507065287466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320561222753432,0.09845045599539977,0.0,0.05478717967034705,0.0772985274979425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24615774065527346,0.0,0.04293274302412923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215143940411199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858407288507534,0.0,0.0,0.0802823112695519,0.05055678465039248,0.0,0.0,0.05473501387937352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820634170238611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709276404272215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559037046639712,0.0,0.0,0.04604507603770047,0.05796884688512681,0.2343949859053141,0.0461394771415314,0.0,0.18120962760804307,0.06541147420579484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794266045377641,0.0,0.0,0.044574899380340184,0.0,0.06481525573997858,0.3278601297226887,0.0,0.0,0.0968153983570526,0.0,0.0605305349782027,0.0,0.06333412691307083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060789074928223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693349745019633,0.037100523642220745,0.0,0.04596680346659228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286599388331013,0.039310873149536976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929517515895445,0.0,0.1275392015387946,0.0,0.034151418632099084,0.0,0.046444565458894776,0.0,0.0,0.3220479812593928,0.0,0.0,0.0665831144354032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113109914232225,0.0,0.0,0.07457249185320049
bpd,thegodsjoker,2019/02/25,"I’m relapsing and scared Today I had a huge panic attack and had to have benzos after like 4 years of not needing them.
5 years ago I had a terrible year, I wasn’t functioning at all, I had to leave school for 6 months, I completely isolated myself and was suicidal. After that I started therapy and I actually got better. I almost relapsed but managed to get better again. In the last few years I felt okay. My symptoms went unnoticed by most people and it was okay.
Now I’m starting not being able to control them and I’m so scared of not being functioning.",2.413022113022116,4.7335555765765776,4.504013104013109,80.74407862407864,78.81981981981983,7.63996723996724,25.406224406224407,8.575989854853784,2.155623423423424,443,17,81,10,11,152,72,111,0.16,0.7140000000000001,0.126,-0.4208,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,3,3,10,1,3,3,2,10,1,0,1,1,16,20,8,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,10,1,13,5,12,8,3,18,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,15,56,15,2,0.1656593003624477,0.0,0.16165958051238194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684697446108394,0.0,0.16588385987663234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846136951537776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293024378020669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369062462994286,0.0,0.1858009916527092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905890719536964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655014710390277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249287576493973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503444004768175,0.0,0.17540927976914067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093276638261687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222767306739064,0.0,0.0,0.1228342721573819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436549568511285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484730042016456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317077183228355,0.16765605609474685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23450901088056025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812043870040632,0.0,0.0,0.17218344288981932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944584731564315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702564671003014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535678311054993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267166323196261
bpd,lanaxcherry,2019/02/25,"How to explain BPD to your partner? I'm trying to find some type of article or blog post or anything that helps describe BPD to a loved one. I want my partner to understand I can't just ""fix it"". I am needing him to understand what I go through on a day to day basis.
Im working every day to understand myself and work on my behaviors. 
",3.1988571428571433,4.093261171428573,5.210000000000001,82.64500000000002,73.0,8.457142857142857,32.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,2.734085714285716,262,13,54,5,5,91,48,70,0.0,0.8809999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,13,11,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,9,1,12,11,1,7,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,3,3,35,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106813996259275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624173369313079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35517572429454364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467144871866814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677859530807014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043309779864336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304772075635942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829454480288472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656853119243068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361199389735949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243964527066033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581591674391012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463665904380528,0.0,0.0,0.5733300548020549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827840693641087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26729232684508064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crushabitlilbitt,2019/02/25,"Ketamine for depression? Has anyone else tried this? My SO (who is overall not a fan of medication or illegal drugs) suggested it the other day because I’ve been on several different anti-depressants over the last 5 years and have not found great success one way or another.

I’m actually embarrassed to bring it up with my psych or therapist because I am confident my depression is not “severe” (I shower, I make it to work more often than not) so I am just curious if anyone had any experience

Thx!",6.295567375886524,7.143633946808514,7.968936170212767,65.83333333333334,65.91489361702128,12.649645390070924,36.94326241134753,12.161744961471696,5.261062411347519,397,20,67,15,6,139,72,94,0.20800000000000002,0.695,0.09699999999999999,-0.9179,2,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,1,0,14,12,7,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,0,7,2,9,9,1,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,5,3,48,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.17337674374772494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081922077095335,0.18629867492130936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484569069843187,0.1820401867805861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166075343649519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458010757824025,0.0,0.4590713400126848,0.0,0.0,0.1856235372691465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603657828683208,0.0,0.1484174504692637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379179666201222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948019991333145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587779484338316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482180044671875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185936783687066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898017148301182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039132709689852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014248438971345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062843436237457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062379963999455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102329100213745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293432298571848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441131416412627
bpd,flomonohomo,2019/02/25,"Finally accepting my life with BPD I was diagnosed last year and it's been the worst 7-ish months of my mental life.....


And in the middle of writing this vent my mum calls me telling me I need to stop being sensitive after I expressed my want interest to leave work. Sigh, I don't feel too good.",6.92401129943503,5.8155280677966115,7.080000000000003,79.3309604519774,64.9322033898305,11.256497175141243,33.22598870056497,10.504223727775694,3.151402259887006,232,8,48,5,3,75,47,59,0.157,0.715,0.127,-0.4416,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,9,7,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,10,3,7,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,29,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33009759313413994,0.0,0.26762677128438045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26601938942564657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252235059654136,0.0,0.0,0.2871106224846223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983159612269235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136411868261036,0.0,0.2775191773073495,0.0,0.0,0.3702487856496107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26412860687330997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920053428885474,0.0,0.0,0.1943390121613216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912190502409729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290812746405707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545895392041399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908071923520721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687796234334962
bpd,dreamsarewhitenoise,2019/02/25,"i really really need help recently ive started to obsess over my boyfriend and have acted really horrible to him in every way imaginable (extreme clinginess, controlling, constant arguing, paranoia) 

he hasnt ended things with me yet but i am so terrified that he will. i am also upset that i cant just be a normal loving girlfriend for any extended period of time... at the beginning of our relationship i was chilled and fun. i dont know what to do. i love him so much he is amazing and i really cant be without him.",3.3009130913091305,5.431407782178218,5.844092409240925,73.15137513751378,75.13861386138616,10.033443344334431,30.03410341034103,10.25414643259724,3.82472189218922,410,19,71,14,9,146,72,101,0.142,0.662,0.19699999999999998,0.8573,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,5,7,1,2,2,0,14,2,0,1,0,12,20,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,15,4,11,16,1,13,0,0,0,2,13,3,0,0,8,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326837057346044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883724004183368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062671770523995,0.22898517358951864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392764796810455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082703643776732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201538834896898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136845562944585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220215976982943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685285618061172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008264661041731,0.1513836222428479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000355261666239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5231659180621788,0.0,0.2015854594587028,0.21919370727324944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445069966719104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356362381653093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190485717918034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205438488525878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968049944868216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,everlastinghalcyon,2019/02/25,"my boyfriend didn’t text me all day :( i’m not mad because he was literally asleep. like i’m not boutta be mad about something like that. we were facetiming for an hour in the morning and then he hung up so he could go get food, and never called/texted back later. i knew he was asleep but i felt so lonely all day. i love him to pieces and usually i don’t feel like this when he’s busy, but i can just feel myself being paranoid.",0.9645665445665444,2.9185868241758257,2.35772893772894,96.16782661782663,81.85714285714286,5.363125763125763,18.902319902319906,6.42735559955562,-0.20914749694749668,335,8,78,3,9,108,66,91,0.091,0.742,0.16699999999999998,0.7481,0,2,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,2,0,9,4,2,0,3,17,18,9,0,1,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,6,3,10,4,5,9,3,12,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,0,12,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470412319755601,0.0,0.16228316079057278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212552282856395,0.0,0.0,0.3433753507427276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26921421107971266,0.19018518328337364,0.2556096723100185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219101542896353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390871792702503,0.0,0.15129702162462985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26216971341313505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901799325603478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402708639839933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053226439912916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049465352024998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931999603054381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kind_curative,2019/02/25,"It's not great, but it's not awful I've been lifting my weights again, but I keep eating like shit. I've been trying to write more, though I still don't actually like anything I put together. I've been working enough to get my own car again, but I can't afford the damn insurance. There's always more room to improve, but I'm pretty proud of myself for making an effort while waiting on therapy. 

The only area I can't seem to make any headway in is making or keeping any meaningful, happy, and healthy relationships with other people. 

I deleted my coworkers number (see previous post) a while ago. I also deleted my ex's. And then I deleted everyone else's lol. To be fair, though, a lot of those people didn't talk to me anyway. And it bugs me in a very angsty way that I have these numbers and never hear from them and reaching out gets me nowhere. 

Jesus. How does anyone ever make friends? How do you keep them? I can't put myself out there. Plus deep down I'm afraid if I'm anything other than what someone wants me to be then I'll always be alone. 

I know I'm not incapable of getting better, I'm just not sure if I'm going to be okay. ",2.4231702127659567,4.124645987234047,4.006117021276598,87.26875000000004,76.36170212765958,6.402127659574468,24.090425531914892,7.1686216300943375,0.967131914893617,897,29,183,10,20,299,138,235,0.048,0.711,0.24100000000000002,0.9938,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,2,4,13,12,2,1,6,3,15,3,1,6,3,40,38,22,0,3,12,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,9,9,2,4,3,0,0,4,10,3,0,0,4,3,24,9,22,30,5,25,1,0,1,0,9,9,2,5,12,115,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.12055361779255247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950748466044867,0.0,0.0,0.1279463600907403,0.0,0.09879194211358466,0.20558421166373544,0.0,0.0,0.16801785346723186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637945999865497,0.0,0.2033197135655272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092578267240354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810745698248847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264084855417175,0.1031987347948533,0.0,0.0,0.1276460311008195,0.0,0.0,0.11174566457391497,0.0,0.1180442378059383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544384631219108,0.0,0.19362786889801292,0.0,0.07020853161184619,0.0,0.0,0.13619921739882762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150669866283798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923439920678435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294142442320844,0.0,0.0,0.0678923249743144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070720157085447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050261526779936,0.0,0.0,0.3298457835954497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952788176957988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395493017102728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128904473803858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831363595753527,0.12568083891590354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483762241080089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263176428197213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844244441032758,0.11246281651374984,0.0,0.0,0.12680824648717867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467191419006087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098656256383877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643150975739493,0.0,0.0,0.0992938061429371,0.0,0.0,0.14127453626496975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427475938068145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387304504717433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193039314656437,0.07286491608718422,0.0980573723777914,0.0,0.1504339441546468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993590466173422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blahblahyoublah,2019/02/25,"How did a diagnoses change/affect your life? Not looking for a diagnoses (want to make that clear lol), but am considering seeking one out professionally and just wanted some comments/thoughts on how getting one changed your life, positive or negative. Thanks :)",8.848527131782943,10.987259279069765,7.5627906976744175,66.37038759689926,60.86046511627906,11.314728682170546,42.24031007751938,11.20814326018867,5.4836263565891485,211,12,31,6,3,64,37,43,0.092,0.6409999999999999,0.266,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,3,1,13,8,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,4,7,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,22,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893623124599936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552617554985632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291003257600912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386409786021398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296993589355741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258582279617566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707069351060972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518330171331158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171551491063333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322674445293382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Potatoes2019,2019/02/25,"Does this sound like dissociation rather than flashbacks? My mind keeps randomly taking me back to awful moments. It can take a few seconds for me to realise that i dont want to be there before i can shake off from being spaced out and get back to what i was doing.

Its from when my mother was dying. I keep finding myself walking back through those hospital corridors, receiving the news from the doctors again. Basically moments from that time being replayed in my mind.",6.392413793103447,7.8408017471264415,6.340862068965517,75.4278448275862,66.01149425287356,8.558620689655173,32.89080459770115,8.841846274778883,2.9012390804597707,380,16,63,6,6,120,66,87,0.069,0.9009999999999999,0.028999999999999998,-0.3447,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,1,9,1,0,0,0,11,15,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,1,10,1,14,10,1,15,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,9,53,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935667837086461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820644536319128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22205700807423207,0.0,0.0,0.2189974300195114,0.1872380975575849,0.0,0.2507598743228551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555583503139354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178542417743366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803554853043179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453019345042816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320778130292661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217430309691231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476196967048915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619932655586727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liquidddd,2019/02/25,What would be your dream situation of living? Just curious,3.677999999999997,6.505024800000001,5.240000000000002,66.40000000000003,101.0,10.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,4.136000000000001,48,2,7,2,2,16,10,10,0.0,0.65,0.35,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5532041552048163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7042035641997025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44504213601923226,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TuesdayTeas,2019/02/25,"Advice for getting over a potential FP It's been over a year since we stopped talking over a whole clusterfuck of a situation. They were somebody I really looked up to, and one of my longest remaining friends. I definitely idealized them to an extent, and them rejecting me has shattered the confidence I'd developed up to that point.

It's been so long and I still get stuck in thought loops as to whether I was right or wrong in the situation. Objectively, they had their reasons, but they most definitely abandoned me during an incredibly difficult time. I can understand why they did what they did. I can also understand that it wasn't entirely my fault, I was doing my best, and they just couldn't handle it anymore. 

But it's like. I still haven't recovered. I still loathe myself for being the kind of person they had to reject. I struggle to grow attached to anyone new, I'm terrified of opening up again. I'm terrified that at my core I am a terrible, toxic, unloveable person. I'm afraid that despite my best efforts, I am doomed to repeat toxic behaviours and because of that, doomed to be unworthy of love.

I want so desperately to be a good person. I idealized this person, saw them as a role model for what a good person is, and they left me. I'm caught in a black and white loop of: They're a good person and they rejected me -> I am bad -> But they rejected me when I was going through something horrible -> Maybe they're not as perfect as I thought? -> I am still bad for having idealized them like that -> They were right to leave me, because I idealized them which must've been hard -> They're too good for me -> & the shit goes on.

I'm never going to get closure from them in this situation. I just want to escape this loop. I want to forgive them for leaving, and I want to believe I'm good enough and worthy of love.

It's just. Difficult. I'm in therapy, I'm slowly gathering friends. But I feel like I will never fully recover from this rejection.

Thanks for reading my big ramble.

TL;DR: Someone left me awhile ago and I'm still not over it. Their rejection of me makes me feel unworthy of a lot. How do you fine folks cope with such a situation? ",3.7032567432567447,5.5103085431235455,4.951124875124876,81.39679720279722,73.12587412587413,8.632460872460872,28.574159174159174,9.23628265651192,2.5490329803529805,1731,70,334,40,35,573,193,429,0.20199999999999999,0.5870000000000001,0.21100000000000002,-0.2,0,2,1,0,0,0,70.0,1,1,20,8,16,43,1,2,18,0,30,3,1,3,3,51,62,26,0,9,11,0,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,6,20,14,0,2,8,1,0,4,7,20,0,1,18,7,63,23,54,39,7,41,2,9,4,2,36,21,1,3,19,229,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744775612281997,0.0702553990770627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338075740036389,0.0,0.08587352155601143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860036116184962,0.055417430626625575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235040370574094,0.0966270823747456,0.0,0.0,0.08929403736366505,0.16634794212735188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189232803034313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014813004542704,0.05662029036793995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246551973875555,0.0,0.1242235016542598,0.0,0.09008568541774442,0.3323796188873813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099754286852031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825326189283088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784069262886944,0.17222310735609878,0.0,0.0,0.1161610000101488,0.0,0.0,0.07013880350588025,0.0665548298239999,0.0,0.0,0.06738036484720702,0.14306273339347791,0.0,0.05290379747155868,0.0,0.07962300678813734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225376889195773,0.0765456522482827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053705715799326516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152181392115801,0.0,0.0,0.07492225745061977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927715115104526,0.0,0.05077323307688416,0.08148806314697885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353678753704365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813548406380022,0.06556113688488477,0.35634692536598456,0.0,0.0,0.06715310032355061,0.06101491258537605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31646853569825645,0.06626131690472524,0.0,0.0828552694853643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370273226604459,0.0,0.0729680033807147,0.09063580407766578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258403511542322,0.04621463802874879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501596475066785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698826931491824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715159449114006,0.08848616249761197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665366993425297,0.0,0.0510380745099729
bpd,oceanwavee,2019/02/25,"DAE feel incredibly upset when you realize you’re a piece of debris floating in an ocean of violent mood swings? Tonight I [21F] could feel ripples before the big wave, but nonetheless when it came I felt overwhelmingly powerless. I recently started dating someone [21M] I’ve had feelings for, for quite a long time; we spent the whole day together and it should have been blissful, but I kept getting overly upset at each little thing. 

For example, he doesn’t eat healthy but we spend most of the time at his place and so I’m subject to these habits. I keep thinking about all the weight I’ll inevitably gain, and I start sinking quickly into a dull depression. By the end of the night, I realized I might have a breakdown in front of him so I opt to go home. When he offers to let me borrow his car to go home, I accept even though I’d rather he drive me home. Well, the car door was too frozen and I was afraid I’d snap the key If I kept going at it. I called him, told him the key was on his tire and that I had decided to walk home. He objected as it’s far too cold outside to walk, even though I only live a few blocks away. 

I get home frozen. My Dr. Martins are covered in ice and snow. I feel like he abandoned me, even though he begged me to come back inside. 

I’m angry, then suicidal, then scared, then crying, then somehow perfectly  fine, and writing this. I feel psychotic. How do I explain to the people I’m close with, that I too am mystified by my mood swings? That I’m scared and mortified that BPD effects my life this heavily? Will they take it seriously, or write me off as attention seeking? I just want control. Any advice or coping tips would be greatly appreciated. (I am newly diagnosed BPD but have been experiencing these episodes since 16 in the dark.)",3.5083847402597392,5.131208653409093,4.4316071428571435,85.68125000000002,73.26136363636364,7.755844155844157,27.060064935064936,8.418075326091056,1.7871417207792204,1394,51,284,24,28,451,210,352,0.14400000000000002,0.759,0.09699999999999999,-0.9562,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,2,1,1,5,22,19,1,6,17,0,22,6,0,3,2,57,50,30,1,6,9,0,7,1,0,4,4,0,6,0,14,16,2,6,14,0,3,11,1,11,1,0,13,9,40,6,34,30,6,48,0,4,0,0,22,17,0,6,21,173,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975248044310112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678683961936456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376673075986844,0.0767411409426105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492366803022311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513928201367457,0.0,0.10190842068626088,0.1141462509658145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597009676779475,0.0,0.0,0.1119357924355272,0.07968332264912079,0.0,0.1096271868940111,0.06436366736525165,0.0,0.08595882726362561,0.1012963528207137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212178053634252,0.0,0.0,0.08839444624355336,0.0,0.0,0.197753714040644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252313013943099,0.07129816306367316,0.09582502581106687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428425828421074,0.0,0.1701583614339948,0.0,0.0,0.1100314312668072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005448687501963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870809848682196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205372611932584,0.07049270300104668,0.04875793857963255,0.10002725378347868,0.08812649302858082,0.08832112687794977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587354801335554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365688333105177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590348636893154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918974687520042,0.0,0.10427125493659124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615110788435927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854187410595998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199837288149941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825567759875899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084561429586217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127993469083525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916656833568633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503825652947292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630363688622129,0.06394872791152939,0.2941632010805583,0.0,0.11639003532797484,0.11470706486372932,0.0,0.09536454530830912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886547044342779,0.0,0.0,0.1215312576868684,0.0897334731660216,0.0,0.0,0.1114247348721776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089607395085983,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,caaaarol,2019/02/25,"Trying not to entertain FP thoughts makes me feel really sad I really am trying not to get swept up in FP thoughts and clinginess and I was actually doing an ok job, but I feel like my life has no meaning without all that, and it makes me feel really really fucking sad because I feel like I have nobody to think about and nothing to look forward to in that super special way. Like I’m trying to just think about everything normal and not really special or over the top, but it feels wrong, you know? Like now I just feel like the person isn’t the same anymore in my head like it’s making me feel upset even though nothing actually changed in reality. I guess that’s the whole thing isn’t it, the disconnect between my own fantasy brain world and the real world. I also used to write to them in my journal every day and I haven’t been doing that anymore, which is really hard. I tried to just journal to myself but it made me feel shitty and I couldn’t do it. I really don’t like this feeling at all and I want to go back, especially I can feel a crash and burn coming any day now and it’s like I just need something. Half of me wishes I could be happy all by myself without needing other people to think about but the other half of me... well no. And it’s like I feel creepy too and guilty for being too “obsessed” with people even though I hate using that word. Because I feel like people just get the wrong idea when it’s so much more complicated. Is it wrong to just want to fall back into FP land again?",4.452435064935064,4.9764597629870115,5.510805194805198,82.98192207792209,69.87662337662336,8.237922077922079,26.114285714285717,8.238735603445708,1.514815064935065,1189,33,243,16,20,394,145,308,0.14400000000000002,0.677,0.179,0.846,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,2,24,26,2,2,10,1,19,4,2,6,3,74,58,23,0,8,16,0,13,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,20,16,0,0,20,2,0,4,12,9,1,2,5,14,33,17,34,49,8,26,0,2,1,1,4,14,1,2,19,170,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.14437669504177145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591573042779248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030513151698664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672546281624665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376350125813288,0.0,0.09018822033669972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257989984322253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825511094187261,0.06372239903964169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906254236710265,0.0,0.0,0.09541474186265557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771879255260374,0.0,0.06232662599193892,0.0,0.06648342455895785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488441770855321,0.21138931644142497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838814463523342,0.07729714598191438,0.0,0.0420413586230852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149114612671114,0.0,0.0,0.07874712877330023,0.06626653607067738,0.07303440913657959,0.0759190802809259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350809809753289,0.0,0.0,0.073408181687746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040654397926741366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052250309338937234,0.3614015727949707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211986856189354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999636983936737,0.14813546758584822,0.0,0.0,0.08057981246637375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543796986592327,0.10970216671189467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247920982043121,0.14196087177820005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538536127884744,0.06459159638387911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419906698846874,0.3317292826797603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056949110382252234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491453071043423,0.1421994336843344,0.14535895299085494,0.1174548277586389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089505846001632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277802680180896,0.0,0.0,0.08726404036473108,0.058717438794526226,0.0,0.0,0.06651187330569854,0.0,0.0,0.08258978046272251,0.08506691403207763,0.14261737164864827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426381947466299,0.0,0.0
bpd,alienuri,2019/02/25,"I want end my life so I don’t need to be there when my bf leave me one day. I am so scared that if he leave me one day. He promised me he never leave me before. So I felt safer. Now he said he is not sure if I ever do self harm or over dose. I don’t wanna do any of it, but I am also scared that I I don’t know I would never do that.  I have so much fear to face  him leave me one day. If I end everything now, I don’t have that fear any more. 
I need to start medication but I don’t know what I should take. I want anything that stop me having fear like this an can have normal life with him.  I need help. ",-1.933767605633804,-0.3356217887323929,0.8346302816901421,104.88602992957749,90.83098591549296,4.113380281690141,11.691901408450706,5.148860815047168,-1.7699028169014084,454,4,131,2,16,156,69,142,0.223,0.687,0.09,-0.9616,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,5,1,0,19,5,1,0,4,25,30,12,0,12,7,0,1,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,8,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,3,2,2,28,3,7,25,2,14,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,4,14,87,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485743893059692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613263484201346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761113558610984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093376318094258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22949316639229264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011772832238404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729526443454274,0.0,0.0,0.1066047119958374,0.0,0.0,0.4004290569904232,0.0,0.0,0.1138902815476578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950602792412008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037686945566598,0.0,0.0,0.5023902807138327,0.0,0.0,0.16756444830338715,0.05794994893574485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949347678587895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719665318754752,0.2638575246060744,0.1829684574996513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621882205753295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411324918923749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283129588941727,0.0,0.2375112849537964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237427049522926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839572512649177,0.0,0.0,0.09916856597417084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179449042221627,0.0,0.08918472069954868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399259733142289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426163994786505,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DatDudeDidDoDat,2019/02/25,"Can you actually be forced to go to inpatient if you’ve had a bad reaction to a med? I know everyone has a different history, meds, health, reactions, etc., but on here we have the same diagnosis...


I’ve finally put together the symptoms my medication makes me have after taking it at night as allergic reactions. I’ve been taking it a couple years already. Ugh.

Now I’m concerned if I call to leave a message with my prescriber, that they’ll want me to get checked in so I can quit “cold turkey” since weaning off the med won’t be an option. Are they technically able to make me go to inpatient? Being diagnosed with BPD, could they be more likely to recommend me to be supervised while I go through the withdrawals?

I’m despise being there while missing work/school, and act reluctant towards the medical staff when I don’t go in on my own terms. ",4.6741260162601606,6.091468323170737,6.072926829268293,75.8645528455285,70.03658536585365,10.34471544715447,33.178861788617894,10.504223727775694,3.808176422764229,671,32,125,20,12,227,109,164,0.13,0.838,0.032,-0.9312,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,3,1,5,5,1,0,11,0,18,6,0,2,0,14,32,9,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,6,2,4,0,0,2,1,17,1,21,21,5,22,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,3,10,84,20,2,0.14376901077664828,0.0,0.14029781558887705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865267843495748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004111876290932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810720362003752,0.0,0.14680423434200127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147878565142744,0.1590776758940729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459225196243959,0.0,0.1502080165874813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603404506376451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137377450882691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749192393208947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751133742837065,0.0,0.3268289679300909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281973551354402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790116884383947,0.0,0.0,0.15223062380607705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023827661223185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919338621561547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790848817082273,0.2896643061808419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491747743400015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445275650977592,0.0,0.15291603983830035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550191436713286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892721138240744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494310503679896,0.21619280765977172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847986874826938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046655521260542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925825292879876
bpd,CaterinaRustic,2019/02/25,"Only non gamer in my family of gamers My family is obsessed with World of Warcraft, they started playing when Vanilla came out online and they haven't stopped playing since.
They're always trying to get me to play and I did try at first but now I can't stand even hearing about it.
10 years + for fucks sake!
I'm only 20 years old and I am in hell.
It's like every third word is about WoW and it infuriates me to no end, I can't for the life of me understand why they love playing so much!
They are always yelling and complaining about the damn thing but they refuse to let up! What the blue fuck do I do?
I have told them over and over that I have NO interest in playing, I don't WANT to play, I HATE the game and STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME PLAY!!
They have put so much time and money into the game is  swear they were addicts!
Every couple of weeks they'll say something like-

So why don't you want to play?
It's fun!
If you just give it another chance...
Well it could be a family thing?

How do I make them understand without losing my shit?",0.8311946549660973,2.9517268302752298,2.2881731152772247,95.53933585959317,83.44954128440367,5.442680494615078,18.652572796170727,6.7026698264267655,-0.061473314718787364,811,20,184,9,23,262,123,218,0.18899999999999997,0.598,0.213,0.6591,0,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,0,2,10,2,12,24,6,1,6,0,22,6,1,3,0,29,39,16,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,10,12,0,3,2,10,1,2,8,9,1,2,4,4,29,15,27,31,2,25,1,1,1,3,21,10,5,1,14,119,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293363368191513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029292762782113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786571736126615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946796033384198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735992543307104,0.1349253408280797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800348691364367,0.0,0.0,0.08054084682977004,0.0,0.20548101777785888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448652230420686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372290901308792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254648850301101,0.06370911297902503,0.11697686975886785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039144172612436,0.0,0.0,0.13743631203683707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469288220945254,0.08613049857344593,0.1191483765125264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364207307589925,0.0,0.0,0.11005646745758926,0.0,0.162793060825914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928125659164673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279565134076238,0.0,0.0,0.18548317332424488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258433416422705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697233707768532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251706319152691,0.10087081320064896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387610011491962,0.0,0.0,0.08631043140142347,0.0,0.0,0.20389618720801989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202429639159005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110474804484805,0.0,0.0,0.11651980253208165,0.0,0.24836970007957926,0.0,0.0,0.2538896569886525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384786232349747,0.0,0.09781367400542336,0.0,0.10963955776247668,0.0,0.22006547972748655,0.0,0.0,0.11754672346196635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705194646199666
bpd,shotsofjin,2019/02/25,"DAE always feel like the controlling bitch? My fp just went out with some friends from work. We're ex-talking friends, I guess? (like we were ""talking"" before they ended things saying they aren't interested in relationships right now.) 

Anyways, he went out with some work friends, one guy being someone he has a crush on. And I can't stop crying about it, but why? He's out enjoying himself? Cool?? I keep trying to tell myself it's cause he hasn't taken me out for my birthday but we've done lots of other things to make up for that? 

I just feel like the real reason I'm upset is because I'm not invited, or he's going out with someone not me. Maybe jealousy, I'm not sure. I just know it's fucking ridiculous?? ",2.056023976023976,4.246293468531468,3.246718281718284,89.97798951048952,79.34965034965035,5.484315684315685,23.500999000999,6.5431188927421005,0.648702697302697,558,19,113,5,14,180,92,143,0.1,0.7290000000000001,0.171,0.8578,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,2,3,6,14,3,1,3,1,8,1,0,4,1,34,22,4,0,0,9,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,3,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,1,5,4,14,10,18,16,3,15,0,0,0,1,17,9,2,5,6,66,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225549026187649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978502234944742,0.0,0.1253307157441894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130471577288362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519532550507512,0.0,0.0,0.16178827548474106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507261311463131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045290520862954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489458539063962,0.21044427343472605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413816030624967,0.1361648133556322,0.0,0.0,0.08370681469226933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225365904667954,0.1458376668690012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091579454272698,0.0,0.0,0.08094529447035707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158715284726681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252184670185501,0.0,0.0,0.09831547267323856,0.0,0.14796997422063446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980574337605932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764528855629318,0.0,0.1514359616590657,0.0,0.15813152988926105,0.0,0.12578262136070062,0.0,0.1171288396157929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495922453707658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313884830179808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388166165543185,0.0,0.0,0.2367680405808273,0.12873566576397555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957023868642976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999846568868527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730737615652705,0.13290395517292694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144539397952928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hahah67435,2019/02/25,"I thought like everyone with bpd was extroverted.. Then I started reading posts on here about how many have like 1 friend only, comments?",6.157500000000002,8.682906416666674,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,68.16666666666666,8.133333333333335,37.0,8.841846274778883,3.5338999999999987,110,6,18,2,2,33,22,24,0.0,0.687,0.313,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268447765609293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238426460375264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618407159234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311482227260747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34360113999529823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577560223217085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32458171311841355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390013133172242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398819589312433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690563654861033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nivegan,2019/02/25,"emotionally abusive father my dad is a great man. i start by saying that because what i’m gonna say next may make him sound terrible to some. my dad has an extremely large ego, he truly believes he is amazing. he is angry with the world, so mad i can’t help but pity him. he works and works but nothing good really comes of it. he drinks and drinks his problems away, i find myself cleaning up his beer cans and find him passed out drunk on the floor more times than i wish to admit. he feels so wronged by everyone. he’s blunt and not very affectionate, my mom hates him for the way he treats our family. he only shows this side of him to our family, his own family doesn’t know how cruel he can get. the name calling, the screaming, the ruined walls. he’s emotionally abusive. sometimes when he’s drunk and very angry he will throw things around and it would hit me or he will put his hands on my mom and scream. once he pushed a 70 pound pure wood cabinet over onto my leg and didn’t apologize, when i told him how much pain i was in, he says “well *** don’t you think i feel bad enough!?” he’s so deeply depressed with his life and he can’t  process his emotions right. i never had an affectionate relationship with him growing up, it hurt, but i dealt with it. i haven’t said “i love you” to my dad since i was in elementary school. i was his daughter until i was like seven, then i had to grow up quickly to comfort my mother and make sure my brothers didn’t fall victim to my fathers anger. i can’t describe the emotion that occurs when your own father tells you that he wouldn’t care if you killed yourself, then gets mad and calls you a “snowflake” for being mad at him. my heart aches because i just want to show him love and affection but i can’t, i get disgusted at the thought of it. 

i know he is a good man and has the best intentions. he always bought me what i needed, took our family on extraordinary vacations, took me to every event i ever needed to go to. but he has hurt me so badly that it’s so hard to show him any love, just anger. while he has said cruel things to me, i hit him back 50 times harder saying things that i regret to them very moment.

a part of me wishes me and my dad could make amends, but another part of me thinks it would be better if i didn’t have a close relationship with him. i want one with him so dearly but the manipulation absolutely kills me.  im guilted by him and i don’t know my own emotions towards him.

i’m so broken inside by this, my dad and i used to be so close. i’m so similar to him which is why he targeted me the most instead of my younger brothers. i know he’s angry and upset with life. as much as i hope he will change, i know he won’t. this is just him: arrogant, blunt, narcissistic. if you look at the bad aspects of him, he’s a terrible father; he’s manipulative, emotionally abusive, angry, a drunk. but there’s another side of him, he can be charming, loving, selfless, kind. he is so intelligent, he just lacks any street smarts.

i’m not sure what the purpose of typing this out is, i just know keeping it inside is ruining my mental health. do i love him? do i hate him? i don’t know. i don’t know if i will ever know. i just want my childhood back. 

i don’t expect anyone to read this long thing. just needed to get this off my chest. also i’m on mobile so if this looks funky i’m sorry lol.",2.3482244707895994,3.8311264935437594,3.89085554632636,88.9466077676257,76.03012912482065,6.899836391552771,22.271111782325253,7.605630317579735,0.7367643232902914,2614,70,577,35,57,869,289,697,0.24100000000000002,0.621,0.138,-0.9985,0,0,3,0,1,0,82.0,3,7,1,4,34,57,13,2,23,1,53,19,4,10,6,108,114,54,2,22,23,15,4,1,0,10,4,9,1,2,28,30,6,1,17,10,1,11,19,32,1,2,16,15,106,25,64,81,13,62,0,7,2,5,109,29,0,10,22,358,134,5,0.0,0.20608485065551455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636532370023175,0.048242692255643656,0.0,0.0,0.07885463122558754,0.12159086290239733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040539861229614775,0.0,0.0,0.05161308835808802,0.0,0.0,0.05447263667614608,0.08916365655074919,0.1452286836265655,0.07068621670476151,0.0,0.0,0.06532182821221932,0.06084477765768863,0.051277203327164365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184049039418664,0.0,0.05911286601990285,0.0,0.06133348357070795,0.04994327741081386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629105279280366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049936730530047616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359356329436865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913075312496305,0.0,0.05990720927659065,0.0,0.0,0.10488960535081214,0.048849321728439296,0.05540086751738088,0.0,0.0,0.21862758796265785,0.0,0.058631265165397975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598245599238064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116533159516882,0.0,0.03295047374368381,0.09725910041576513,0.0,0.06392141572795873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193727863215981,0.11448337824738568,0.0,0.06162835215552659,0.0,0.06870471007556889,0.03886171461490347,0.0,0.0,0.0575856558006278,0.0,0.0,0.12413420131488735,0.0,0.06262664568229011,0.0,0.0,0.05153388605900474,0.1282890690380672,0.060375605300307465,0.2867708237295909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190374918219821,0.028325328736564088,0.0,0.0,0.051309079630506536,0.0973745456877698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616389506569101,0.0,0.1161031421214716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842861342877645,0.0,0.0,0.13580725591462153,0.0,0.0,0.08524162356049905,0.12897079740950493,0.044716533856192134,0.0,0.06166071031102485,0.0,0.0,0.05563186028423805,0.0,0.0,0.061745127983217324,0.039287679726814496,0.04409520308451687,0.061693129554260887,0.0,0.0,0.1255699636942089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055477520383714785,0.0,0.05828432857898836,0.0,0.0,0.05799411250218525,0.0,0.037142462215251665,0.0,0.0,0.1244942563594135,0.0,0.04951325621210455,0.11030151385927872,0.18442707531408545,0.0,0.05867725911046491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479603504044815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734214257212941,0.06490209746896376,0.04103742601281619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928795452976496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067569695760134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407315123995122,0.0743004644226619,0.0,0.046028391385106025,0.06761536907350607,0.0,0.0,0.05540086751738088,0.12883232188415672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050074741923052064,0.0,0.1435148122009378,0.1025915276639135,0.04602057327978461,0.0,0.0,0.052129564951766856,0.0,0.05231650853585403,0.0,0.13334464960564035,0.0,0.0,0.08441796451617879,0.0,0.0,0.08237241603272867,0.06339030363640955,0.0,0.0
bpd,travocean,2019/02/25,"Am I Ever Going To Be Ok? hi. i’m a new redditor and this is my first post, ever. i’ve been creeping on this thread off and on for a while, and while it’s comforting to relate to so many posts i’m often discouraged. i am 22 and struggling really really bad, probably the worst i ever have. i have a completely normal family and am surrounded by completely normal people (when i am around people) and always feel super weird for the way i think/emotions i feel etc. my upbringing was completely normal, but i started having mental health problems at a very young age. i’m an only child. my father died almost exactly a year ago and i live with my mother. after everything we’ve been thru with my mental health we have little to no relationship now. she doesn’t understand why i act the way i act. i’m not in school and i don’t have a job, mainly because i can’t even keep a doctors appointment. my friends don’t know how badly i struggle with my mental health even though i’m sure most have an idea, and nobody really makes plans with me anymore because i’m so unreliable. i’ve been addicted to prescription pills since 2016. i need help but every time i make an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist i don’t go. things are definitely the worst they’ve ever been inside my head and outside in the way my life is going. but the main thing i want to know is if i even have hope. i just read a post by someone seemingly at least a decade or two older than me stating that being happy is such a foreign feeling to them and they don’t even remember how good it felt when they were happy as a child. for me personally, i was the happiest i’ve ever been in about 2013-2015..i had so many positive people in my life, i was seeing a psychiatrist and taking my medication, i was going to therapy, i was the doing so much better mentally and socially, but every day that part of me is drifting further and further away as i try to hold onto those memories. i know that i’m young and i still have much life ahead of me (hopefully) and i really don’t want that to be the last taste of happiness i ever receive. things have been so awful for the past few years. and i can’t imagine things staying this bad for the rest of my life....i won’t be able to handle it. so i guess my main question is, is there any chance that things can drastically improve? i guess there’s always a chance but..a good one. is happiness obtainable for us? or do we just adjust to living in anguish almost always? 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bpd,sugarlesssupreme,2019/02/25,Dissociate to stop fighting? It’s just so much easier. Feel nothing better than rage full toxic trash,2.538333333333334,4.73689116666667,3.865000000000002,75.36750000000002,109.55555555555556,6.2444444444444445,21.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,2.009066666666667,83,3,12,2,4,27,18,18,0.28300000000000003,0.478,0.239,-0.0268,0,0,0,0,2,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945662289935585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827479058185193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110757371909095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5365666917738596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675155510420365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Albimau,2019/02/25,DAE feel like those without BPD hate or fear us? I am trying to learn how to have healthy relationships. Each article I read or video I watch has hundreds of people saying that the best relationship advice in regards to BPD is to avoid them. How do you not get discouraged when it seems like everyone would actively try to avoid you?,6.406428571428571,7.240007063492065,6.285833333333333,78.04875,65.66666666666667,10.109523809523813,31.62301587301588,10.125756701596842,3.0647492063492066,267,10,50,6,4,84,51,63,0.098,0.6459999999999999,0.256,0.9045,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,2,1,1,3,8,1,3,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,14,10,5,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,7,3,8,9,2,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,3,3,33,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228467753164186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065015309112704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956583879946057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802540491666936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214247679282868,0.09949453742797404,0.14057494781232718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280597378685767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194272982678833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922670760857436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641789126380813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682663782449328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225219569790051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648209616324513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791351022811479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26719242802033105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366941578775179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896825243029283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978216923822614,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrsabf,2019/02/25,Aging and BPD? I feel like it’s getting worse as I get older... is this common? I’m 29. I’ve known I’ve had this since I was 14. For a long time I felt I had it under “control” but the last 6 months or so have been a spiral downward....,-2.878333333333334,-1.2379181851851833,0.5906481481481514,102.85041666666667,101.22222222222223,2.7,12.305555555555555,3.1291,-1.8114000000000003,174,3,46,0,8,62,42,54,0.055,0.9059999999999999,0.04,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,11,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,5,1,3,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,8,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980745251103677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35449530652774675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981265200800962,0.22579787590890474,0.3034732783750932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302632634487579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576362741162345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441406190431353,0.0,0.0,0.2797087889783639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522811588814889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614533651201856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843008404757151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32209863052217164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ihtdvk,2019/02/25,"Pristiq/desvenlafaxine withdrawals I’m so sorry if this isn’t allowed to be posted here, but I’m really desperate for real life experiences rather than dreaded Dr Google! I was on 200mg Pristiq for the last year and a half, but started weaning off in 50mg increments beginning in October. It was all going well until I came off the final 50mg 5 days ago, and the withdrawals have been horrendous. If I wasn’t pregnant I would probably just start taking the drug again to avoid the withdrawal symptoms. I’m wondering how long I should expect this for, if anyone has any personal experience on things that might help? All I’ve been able to do at the moment is ride it out in a dark room, and when I had a meltdown yesterday, take seroquil. 

The symptoms are: dizziness, brain zaps, anger, and on top of baby brain I can now barely hold a conversation because my brain is like mush lol. 

Thanks in advance x",4.7790318302387265,6.352862270114943,5.566781609195403,78.99099469496022,69.97701149425288,8.802122015915119,30.625994694960212,9.265573868473778,2.805321485411141,721,30,131,15,13,235,120,174,0.128,0.76,0.11199999999999999,-0.7005,1,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,2,11,1,18,8,3,2,2,25,30,13,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,1,6,6,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,3,1,1,7,0,8,3,20,19,2,33,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,5,16,84,14,0,0.14893211313488966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201933224457854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127894403149793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413679634802588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078763382913192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987724791967365,0.0,0.1703386614586664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604889212569316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271396841991687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29136836895569584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314785019509342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464155203645184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982605608010757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139954990928264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519515595302167,0.07276070762609488,0.0,0.0,0.13180023350409176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799343648943773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004177660998706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263579574468482,0.0,0.16057400749948395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951735013653504,0.09540972529892064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671730740281646,0.21082983245250875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30959498126957424,0.2239568284945336,0.0,0.0,0.1371166801141578,0.0,0.0,0.09894387823935487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390785573601524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615105236761842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579710009994824,0.0,0.0,0.09590739792773484
bpd,LongSconce,2019/02/25,"interesting question So I might not have the 5 traits to be qualified as having bpd one day

​

But will my brain still behave in the same way?",5.4720689655172405,6.6918653448275895,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,67.9655172413793,8.558620689655173,28.29310344827586,8.841846274778883,2.0794,121,4,23,2,2,38,28,29,0.0,0.9059999999999999,0.094,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,18,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31974855979823164,0.3585875848593244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716772247549648,0.3294372658698516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903197493735559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31306213502168084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999722961002252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33058763542933384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23567301463227136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23424238261457084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585875848593244,0.0
bpd,jane9986,2019/02/25,"Fucking winter I've reached that point in my depression where I can't tell if I'm ""just depressed"" or if my life actually just sucks and needs big changes,  like leaving my relationship and maybe also this state.  ",8.70525,7.8561950250000026,7.845000000000002,74.44000000000005,61.25,11.0,40.0,10.125756701596842,3.8982499999999987,171,8,32,3,2,53,33,40,0.213,0.6940000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.7458,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,5,6,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,5,0,6,0,2,0,1,2,4,2,3,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2731762349627538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386396431243896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961341727279237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822153095936471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587954498076879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29641080641794715,0.0,0.0,0.1977264097466759,0.1367621290086796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28123239104691306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075682980618257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26462911230588443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30054548894056426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467557885652666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carmo9,2019/02/25,"DAE feel like their happiness is based on how much their FP is texting them? I feel like if my guy goes a few hours not texting back I become on edge and upset, even if something perfectly reasonable comes up. I hate having such ridiculous expectations and needs of attention. Like he SHOULD be able to go a few hours without texting constantly even without a reason. Ugh. ",4.661739130434783,7.020528144927539,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,71.89855072463767,8.078260869565218,30.34057971014493,8.841846274778883,2.709684057971015,298,13,52,6,6,93,51,69,0.109,0.6709999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.833,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,5,9,2,1,3,0,5,0,0,3,1,18,11,5,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,2,7,5,7,9,3,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,7,35,7,0,0.1869991677550735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379081723389098,0.0,0.0,0.2065258890070224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108322498309455,0.0,0.2020796676718173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24702237334214344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910479582656145,0.26718448561684993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627593643272028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515857604479616,0.0,0.19906409131067085,0.0,0.18462296360085656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683130242498189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740750430169484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746590469998918,0.13865751343253602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845325782392501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439610952905989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605210492700558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MoBrinx,2019/02/25,"FP left for the week FP is my partner. Last time he left it didn’t go well. He was gone for several months for work, I didn’t hold myself together. When he came back I thought everything would be fine again but I was damaged and then found he was cheating on me.

He’s my FP though, so he can’t be anything less.  He left again only for 5 days... but I’m already feeling broken again...",0.2818518518518545,2.3985833580246947,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,85.79012345679013,5.0814814814814815,21.34567901234568,6.42735559955562,0.16214567901234567,296,10,69,3,9,96,55,81,0.154,0.789,0.055999999999999994,-0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,9,17,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,9,1,7,2,5,5,1,18,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,11,37,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069825759199585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457795088170835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378297520786824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287397589706702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289795296387376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797416344893567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112293221402867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928300428365294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136611503573395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302173298535302,0.0,0.0,0.6518819191784939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963323433973675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210438389485711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259361971527277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964930053736042,0.1587728284159145,0.11661805973584735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042305460322426,0.0,0.17981854725779886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455979515252523,0.0,0.0,0.14206993861185346,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheRustyToaster,2019/02/25,my psychiatrists believes i may have bpd i hope this doesnt break the diagnosis rule . i just wanna know what to expect . whats the proccess that goes into a diagnosis.,2.293125,5.122662062500002,4.492500000000003,77.1025,84.625,6.95,23.625,8.07648339933343,1.850725,134,5,24,3,4,46,27,32,0.0,0.8959999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534454678447143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6186841662053436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879000035360512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26996592962532395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,plutoisrising,2019/02/25,"DAE feel like they portray themselves differently through different social media apps? I know this is probably not just a bpd thing but I feel like different social media apps bring out different traits in me, like they’re ultimately all there but they’re enhanced or diminished depending on whether I’m using tumblr, Instagram or twitter etc",8.616864406779662,10.496290305084749,7.962500000000002,64.24680084745765,61.20338983050847,12.001694915254236,40.17372881355932,11.698219412168324,5.623403389830508,284,15,40,9,4,89,44,59,0.0,0.858,0.142,0.8047,4,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,14,7,5,0,0,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,4,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155325251804106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7351565780684889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618682759864534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789137768156174,0.2513411467634755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667586960306228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578231121919019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966138777075872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586374234731922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686719133765988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193028502133507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Katzenkatzen,2019/02/25,"Is it love or just bpd? My situation - I'm a woman who is (mostly) happily married to a guy but infatuated with an older woman. I believe people can be in love with more than one person at the same time. But - and this applies to general situations when you have bpd - how do you know when it's true love or bpd obsession? I think I truly love her and have for years. Yet I have a nagging feeling that i, as a person with bpd, can't really ""love"" anyone - that it's always a passing obsession. And I shame myself for that.

This woman has cancer.  When I found out, all I could think was, I would go without ever seeing her again if she would just get through this alive. Then I berated myself for ""pretending"" to love her.

Has anyone experienced something similar, and what did you learn? Does true love exist when you have bpd?",2.934047619047618,4.8350161790123485,4.729029982363318,81.7677777777778,75.48148148148148,7.591534391534393,23.917107583774253,8.418075326091056,1.5913477954144617,639,20,124,12,14,217,97,162,0.1,0.633,0.267,0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,4,0,0,10,13,1,3,7,0,17,8,0,1,4,33,33,16,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,11,8,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,3,3,21,9,16,26,4,16,0,0,1,7,22,3,0,4,11,97,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117494200511068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642774606237856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099129291685498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6143458830971134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789104111144966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537247563764642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824556873994804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493275699070326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069658235417093,0.0,0.0,0.0509693194212084,0.0,0.05544368836238717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659641431952966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361457961953265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.616340753675814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610690602505595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763349267045776,0.17036539531671688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249728353204324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774001370222222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931550819942874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510386990241064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502071523085026,0.0,0.0,0.0568860630135533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404112245326544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138602880180166,0.0,0.0,0.06282327951716626
bpd,transmanofsteel,2019/02/25,"Just one little thing and it all comes apart I've been doing SO good but I am currently in the ER because I've been feeling suicidal the last few days after running into my ex, her new BF and her father for the first time since the breakup and  it's been bringing up so much and the nurse told me that if I try leaving they sre going to send someone after me to bring me back and I regret coming but at the same time I need to keep myself safe and I hate this!",1.9799242424242431,3.3083659191919215,3.4200883838383858,92.58346590909092,76.67676767676767,5.758080808080809,21.465909090909093,5.985473137389443,0.0886454545454547,362,9,81,2,8,119,70,99,0.141,0.784,0.07400000000000001,-0.8815,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,20,15,11,1,3,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,2,1,2,4,1,13,2,10,11,4,23,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,10,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756510469283271,0.0,0.13925077153522858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935499867818113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732053000499046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550270039870827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943051814420387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982386397687015,0.19159894818370246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255305134732723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304194306785064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620356403068444,0.0,0.2418777983271251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22895009942024225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792470160473924,0.16938033921378304,0.0,0.22062222870192985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479226273031968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896232131982496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355072721270603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24986886801795025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176088198805768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26640249683898315,0.0,0.0,0.21827773235447764,0.0,0.15509116259159908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shellsliczniak,2019/02/25,"Do you guys feel this way? So, when things got bad for me, I was hospitalized multiple times and kind of left the ""real world"" behind. This was before I had an official diagnosis because I had not even seen a therapist at the time. I was dating someone very close to me, and out of no where, he broke up with me because he told me he's gay. Now I don't judge him for that, but I do feel as if it was a bit of an excuse, due to the fact that I've seen him in multiple hook-ups/serious relationships with only girls- and that hurt. When we dated, it was us, and a group of friends that consisted of probably 15 people, and I felt so happy finally having friends. When we ended, I was basically shot out, because my ex boyfriend took his chance to stay in the friend group as soon as I got shot to multiple hospitalizations. Now, as I'm older, I see these same friends be friends, even without my ex bf, and I've kind of accepted the fact that I'll never be a part of the group again, yet part of me aches because having a disorder I had no idea how to control (at the time) lost me so many friends. Now, I'm really only super close to my boyfriend, and don't really have friends (no matter how hard I try.) My therapist literally told me to stop trying, because I've been trying to make friends for over 2 years now. Does anyone else feel like their BPD was a huge part of the reason they lost something that made them truly happy, and wasn't even bad for them?",7.111915910176784,5.114009090301007,7.6964763497372175,77.9220484949833,65.12040133779264,11.218442427138081,33.39727663640707,9.957137785484203,2.8614661251791693,1134,36,246,20,14,379,150,299,0.1,0.695,0.205,0.9917,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,3,1,4,4,19,21,0,0,16,0,21,1,0,6,3,39,39,22,0,1,4,2,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,12,16,0,2,7,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,23,8,34,15,37,14,5,39,0,4,3,1,34,14,0,1,23,158,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059253731416753476,0.08682841999021805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415124300315543,0.25829035746863177,0.0,0.0721093886803836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925165575058634,0.0,0.10672986105738476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950456068514092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712192721518473,0.0,0.07415848883853114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079125192700006,0.0,0.07505645515800406,0.0,0.0,0.16791431363599765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854463977038966,0.06053985975648244,0.0813658217054271,0.0928309611558744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237730390861464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555219128329604,0.0,0.0,0.08390812213952162,0.0,0.18041934048194025,0.07591238512525934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071830047326772,0.09566365287445533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764919657877344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207267128452902,0.0,0.0,0.0414007687826406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501228981897716,0.0,0.0,0.08018513867917992,0.05656609068410968,0.08591531147768988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535842518048375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289005557043437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27530270246631183,0.0,0.05874958613829055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136644727468177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645520015711928,0.10857607369665626,0.08712911718903597,0.0,0.09098143167619367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675285786828149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180180902256056,0.06523870200892254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032393248625907,0.0,0.07084829142740152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678450063510075,0.05629896628405194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824161197915348,0.0,0.0,0.1619496478064891,0.0941517258221889,0.17260321670480175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019344580672651,0.0,0.0,0.06992120741209379,0.0,0.06726443076162672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168847720210827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457121206895499
bpd,psychokillermovie,2019/02/25,"I can’t keep any friends People like the way I look so they want to get to know me at first.  They say they are weird too, they love weird people etc.  I show my true personality and they realize that I’m actually weird and not just pretending to be different to seem cool, they stop talking to me.  I don’t really even know what I’m doing wrong.  I do kind of send stream of consciousness messages, but they are coherent and I don’t have bizarre interests.  I like horror movies, alternative music from the 90s, and criterion collection movies.  I try asking questions to engage others.  I love learning about people even if they are the complete opposite of me.  I’m tired of this cycle of thinking I made a new friend only to end up seeing them write back less and less.  I don’t even write people that much because I don’t want to overwhelm anyone and I can figure out when they aren’t interested anymore.  Maybe I should just go back to reading novels all the time instead of trying to make friends, at least fictional characters can never abandon me.  I don’t even split on people because I know I’m not entitled to their attention, I just get depressed and feel worthless.  ",4.625941953874062,6.176275621145376,5.368307851775072,80.35753563099249,70.3215859030837,8.512982637989117,28.77144337911376,9.007467420416297,2.3708276237367194,934,35,175,18,17,303,128,227,0.135,0.691,0.174,0.8909,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,11,1,14,21,0,1,5,1,17,3,0,2,3,40,40,11,0,4,7,0,1,2,3,1,1,1,0,1,5,8,0,3,12,4,0,2,10,8,0,1,1,5,33,13,24,37,6,17,0,4,2,2,25,5,0,3,11,116,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.1184750245615694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256043941612097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040241540321366,0.08489009979415127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349849115423295,0.0,0.0,0.1867078838709792,0.0,0.1480162933008448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272921836981427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456705843365473,0.0,0.0,0.12684373152818604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075299363637495,0.0,0.13540010404135014,0.3207508343212061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613866673439927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326812702406712,0.0,0.0,0.2813945921277708,0.0,0.12685954981996184,0.0,0.06899799159456718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079114875492854,0.0,0.12642596702653025,0.20016516342251645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186259602384887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195070543071354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191478308769057,0.1148775657115637,0.08103964034544138,0.0,0.12196893496732902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924759127419195,0.0,0.09363601419354843,0.11725495001645092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233495322262042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208391700319541,0.1060072883069808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360028283154994,0.0,0.12143914282043344,0.0,0.07777597723373281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654715355019072,0.0,0.0,0.0967450934528072,0.11052372539874876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015010934453443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975817759516706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777922475346802,0.0,0.0,0.07079298317966692,0.13953866910692767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485380122091153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321714903588986,0.09636666085702066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273871785592914,0.0,0.0
bpd,sarahkazz,2019/02/25,"Wallowing and lamenting I said something really terrible to my boyfriend. On two separate occasions. Like, not just mean, but fucked up and manipulative.

It was the wake up call that got me back into therapy, and thus far I’ve had lots of success with DBT and medication. But I know he still fears me. I feel like I broke his spirit and caused him so much pain. 

I’ve apologized profusely. I think he’s forgiven me, or at least made an attempt to, but I know he’s still hurting. Still angry. Still burning that someone who loves him so much was capable of hurting him so deeply.

I’m a monster. I’m scared. I wish I could take it back. Hell, I’d inflict the pain on myself if I knew it could make him stop hurting. 

This stupid illness is going to ruin every single good thing in my life. What did I do to deserve being stuck with it?",1.9234975194897248,4.228107090361449,3.5013678242381303,87.35153437278527,80.50602409638554,6.797448618001418,24.824946846208363,7.928766900206844,1.5095262934089302,651,25,132,12,17,215,109,166,0.316,0.531,0.153,-0.991,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,10,18,3,2,4,0,9,8,1,5,0,31,27,13,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,10,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,13,0,1,9,2,21,5,15,15,5,16,2,5,0,2,13,8,2,3,9,86,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449643176883744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578054835751455,0.0,0.0,0.13660014968096784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233662873759046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203569227904032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496318670871674,0.06723526703726057,0.0949961113367955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293162041016747,0.0,0.0,0.07557175834125758,0.11153164731838212,0.10635084972851927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270518204060077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615723355533936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392293398553224,0.12992801954033362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130490959926892,0.12001354338945955,0.12582249764310244,0.08876067222702094,0.0,0.0,0.14484684402061246,0.0,0.1339565527830998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550126733960252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28298581163096004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085186064411846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648800461702206,0.0,0.13312941356835195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266779724180198,0.10236929891209448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247704143715506,0.11117158525856193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997932997834504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206649205277092,0.0,0.0883415140170295,0.0852038848617304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989553659972775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291266696929925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,venus_in_faux_furs,2019/02/25,"My ex moved on We broke up this summer... I know it's been long enough.  He had the kindness to warn me that he would be posting some pictures with a ""ladyfriend"" he went a trip with.  I'm heartbroken.  And angry.  I know the relationship we had wasn't perfect and suffered a lot of crazy ups and downs, a lot of that due to my BPD.  

Anyway, my heart is just a pit.  I hope that she realizes how special he is but I also hope he falls off a cliff at the same time, lol.  Ahh.  ",-0.4957333333333303,1.5809919599999986,1.5839999999999996,98.54866666666668,89.4,4.533333333333334,18.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.4163666666666663,356,10,86,3,12,118,70,100,0.114,0.737,0.149,0.6772,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,9,1,8,1,1,1,1,21,14,6,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,5,0,11,5,12,7,5,15,0,2,0,0,10,6,0,5,4,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103142178124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851104682202046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390513437164434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682545996758769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44968145639154256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357339665971748,0.2488187569792509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033410520006853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849106179459615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24060002340728184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680397485125905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24304124757172946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200065718056125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985121606173585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080978627877174,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Andromaca23,2019/02/25,"I have a complicated relationship with my mother #triggerwarning#nomeds#suicidalthoughts#thoughtday My mother wanes between acknowledging my illness and then saying that everyone has problems and that I am no different, that I will outgrow it eventually and that its not serious, that I shouldn't diagnose myself. Its funny because I've been diagnosed multiple times by different psychiatrists, so I know I am not inventing facts. Also they first assumed I was bipolar. But after I was on meds for a while and bipolar was under control, BPD made its appearance.

​

She also had a complicated relationship with her mother that mimics ours. I used to take a lot of medication, now I'm off meds. My liver was a mess and I could barely walk to my 7 am class. I felt like I couldn't fully explode with meds and that my thoughts weren't as aggresive, also I could walk on the streets without feeling that people were listening to my thoughts. But suicidal thoughts were very present. Everyday, I would look the wheels of the fast moving cars outside the college gates on my way home, I wondered how fast they had to go in order to kill me quickly. I know when I am back into bouts of depression, which can last from 2 weeks to a month, because 1) anemia hits again and 2) I want to kill myself again. I place a string around my neck and pull it until my head starts beating in an attempt to quench the pain inside my head, it hurts... Finding no reason to continue living and then hours later wanting to be successful in my major, wanting to pursue a minor in math, sending emails to my professor, writing goals on my walls... Stress gets high and I start binging, waking the next morning to a food hangover. Eating clean for a week only to have it tainted whenever I get too stress. I can't focus on studying and its followed by days of endless productivity. My mother saying I'm too fat or too small, that I shouldn't dress with t-shirts and baggy pants or hoddies, that I am not eating enough or I shouldn't eat bread otherwise I will get fat, restraining me food and then feeding me so much. ""I am worried about you"" she says ""you are such a horrible daughter, you are useless"" moments apart. I don't know whether to trust her sometimes, my psychologist believe she is borderline herself.

​

I only wanted to be loved by my mother, but its hard, because she can hug me on the morning, scream to me on the afternoon and then praise me and belittle my sisters on the evening. Until I was 21 I could keep my mouth shut, hit myself later, hurt myself later, cry silently later and then I couldn't keep it in and the monster came out and it became as aggressive as my moms words.

​

I feel I'm on an endless loop of pain and then I'm ok with myself, but at I'm certain that regardless of how deep the pit is, life moves on and if I don't keep up, the dreams I have when I'm ""awake"" will vanish, because this time in college is my second attempt, a second chance in life. The first time I was too sick to realized or differentiate between reality and illusions. The dreams that I have when I am awake are beautiful, so far away; knowledge so tempting, it makes me feel alive.

​

Today I don't feel ok. Today I lost control, but I will try again, and I hope this time I am able to succeed. 

​

For a reason... Streetcar Named Desire is and will always be my favorite play :)",6.269153786707883,6.8527159289026285,6.585328825347759,76.65848782843895,65.90880989180835,9.06659969088099,33.33110510046368,8.982922981607832,2.8493672642967547,2694,111,487,42,40,870,303,647,0.099,0.79,0.111,0.925,4,0,0,0,0,4,104.0,1,3,2,12,26,28,3,2,29,2,55,28,8,9,2,101,100,58,3,18,15,8,6,1,0,9,13,5,3,0,27,32,9,6,19,3,0,11,16,16,0,4,19,12,90,12,72,62,4,94,1,5,1,2,33,34,0,10,48,350,117,8,0.05833479244659966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399509373312972,0.048539220418361166,0.3160286162193593,0.35441578941917457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193033297167423,0.0,0.0,0.054807457767522175,0.044855854599590315,0.0,0.1422413921259165,0.0,0.0,0.06572333486119479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734706289802735,0.0,0.0,0.06671946199288224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085486007388858,0.1397267550700407,0.0,0.06407803031176304,0.03762111521108581,0.0,0.05024367125544757,0.11841717279112868,0.0,0.12189488435806012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907316790931316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602754344702881,0.0,0.03852958024244851,0.0,0.0,0.05574139406533619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798329530158858,0.0,0.05601054886579837,0.0,0.05331694347232063,0.09923908930947027,0.1410773251598086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914325641207405,0.0,0.03315300687322206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522565159112016,0.0,0.11973665327647907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061633911022183525,0.058514553152188425,0.057939611351511176,0.057448019910799016,0.0,0.12489720364591922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555519315450381,0.12907760964722334,0.0,0.0961778290260962,0.04755064168501074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824071781396033,0.028499432985226544,0.0,0.05151069047328869,0.0,0.04898653366224096,0.0,0.06367931695691262,0.04959415446618014,0.0526494277254139,0.05519779108924629,0.03893892693519227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439041131172996,0.058766166258522684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832100387682485,0.046562274784492506,0.12400130491700287,0.04288278453549616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203971356075012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873247664412326,0.12414466414371668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044200004711156,0.0,0.06094744217903006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055818518085591205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995576456213347,0.0,0.12525947180202432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391705050219836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576946013464676,0.0,0.0825793326824644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336446153097794,0.0,0.0,0.06380879481663873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438605040653478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893392742915747,0.1360619463663456,0.0,0.11058912466225933,0.0,0.0,0.03960549487489722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503825309482232,0.0,0.048132313082133886,0.13762948794944296,0.0463034429830248,0.09358530360044937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623265823659914,0.06326159401269282,0.0,0.05924181336773214,0.0,0.04143936284710381,0.0,0.35441578941917457,0.0
bpd,armadildoo,2019/02/25,"Just need to vent to people who understand where I’m coming from. I just want to cry. My brother is so mean. I don’t understand what I did, that was so terrible that he hates me now. I don’t remember doing anything. But he hates me. He hates being around me. I must be pretty darn awful I guess. 

My fiancée makes me feel like shit quite frequently. But I don’t want to leave. Even though she hurts me, I don’t want to hurt her. I feel like this is what I deserve. I don’t know why, but I do. 

I’m such a miserable mess. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I’m considering telling my mom that I am having suicidal thoughts right now, but I worry. I don’t want her to be scared. I won’t kill myself, but the thought sure is tempting. I don’t know why I’m so miserable. Everything else is going well, but I can’t get it out of my head. I have a job now, I have my pets, I have my own life kind of on track. But it keeps popping into my head. “Well, what if I killed myself? Would it be better? Would everybody be happier after the initial hit?” I don’t know, but I’m too scared to find out. 

I want to cut myself, but I’m scared. I’ve self harmed for so long, I know I’ll easily fall back into it. And I’m doing alright without it. No more hiding, no more cuts, no anxiety when people see my arms. It’s nice, but it’d be nicer if I did it. And finally got my emotions out. I can’t without somebody snooping and finding my journals, or my fiancée demanding to see my notes I’ve typed up. 

I kind of want to go to the hospital for my thoughts, but I’m too scared. I don’t know what to do anymore. The doctors haven’t helped with my stomach issues, and keep telling me it’s just heartburn. Nobody will help me. I’m sick of having pain in my stomach with no help. 

I just wish I could be happy. I really do. There’s nothing here on earth for me. I’m just a miserable blob of self loathing. ",-0.3506038798498139,1.6873866617647089,2.053865248226952,95.79893617021278,88.01960784313727,5.335085523571131,19.95536086775136,6.761325535456951,0.1908010429703797,1450,46,343,19,47,493,176,408,0.253,0.615,0.133,-0.9962,1,0,0,0,0,3,60.0,0,0,0,2,25,32,8,7,7,2,46,12,6,1,2,69,93,24,3,14,21,2,2,2,0,5,6,0,1,2,19,14,0,2,17,0,0,4,20,21,2,0,7,4,63,11,38,71,3,25,0,5,2,0,16,12,2,4,11,221,82,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095849635845761,0.0,0.1580514108597586,0.0,0.0,0.06557363135350176,0.07093618283873214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127253420461822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047454795648893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864122203653876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362166437174943,0.0,0.08752978488738733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156055855765405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066566253443049,0.08963444307741786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263092286099418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161537505927774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058185003353145,0.113853379852988,0.0,0.08729057785326329,0.14566055074662645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163191154208284,0.0,0.09057318228617564,0.0,0.06373104920526951,0.0,0.08778156409045106,0.0,0.0,0.0848257321182364,0.0,0.23601611847975215,0.16355876504683925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023271118114168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706080120592697,0.0,0.0,0.08317001350327634,0.07907466408150292,0.1416546569935723,0.1763183941708266,0.1659584850597532,0.26275541381754103,0.0,0.0,0.08437447957474392,0.0,0.0,0.11256717069238552,0.07785973527814435,0.0,0.0,0.070518358225435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319008530381425,0.0,0.0,0.08679988328320973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332563350548312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908511682427465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645951711709778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479002627380768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048652860634367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810678792995075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475437436572038,0.0,0.0,0.0510479914029193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902671114998744,0.06805020794793122,0.0,0.0,0.3191127190220502,0.0,0.12699660935180254,0.0,0.16625682036182438,0.0,0.08179509071612319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716201258137816,0.0,0.07510178688405886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929569491848776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828970909457597,0.1897820005119855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590894531338507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28200022884047404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329203961082565,0.0,0.1438059040077527,0.0,0.0916333506277203,0.1536262102673258,0.0,0.0,0.08092357326196455,0.0,0.11321129873155708,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MLBisMeMatt,2019/02/25,Who in your life knows that you’re borderline? How many people have you “come out” to and how did telling them go?,2.5456521739130444,4.37885595652174,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,76.39130434782608,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.031278260869564985,89,2,21,1,2,26,21,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,6,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234417805561523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27936907619068585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701525822156885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472085852782379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983721794045444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407909344594293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296515659984402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slark987,2019/02/25,"I DID IT! I felt an episode coming on and instead of screaming, I closed my eyes and walked away from the situation! I'm literally shaking in my bed because I have some intense emotions but I didn't react, I didn't let the emotion take over! I can't believe this!",0.5693650793650775,3.0121228148148163,2.7148677248677267,89.33833333333332,89.37037037037037,4.567195767195766,28.08465608465609,6.1826913282559595,1.2301989417989423,208,11,42,2,7,70,40,54,0.095,0.88,0.025,-0.4885,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,6,1,1,1,0,8,10,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,4,3,9,0,6,5,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698366953557629,0.0,0.0,0.17507629781363865,0.0,0.0,0.3235794581447302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473999746311453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6461294914483205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757599426544755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936845508168981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228282325052134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159409313205683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mikeystrikesback,2019/02/25,"I feel like I’m just an idea of a person Like, if I were LEGOs, I exist as a badass LEGO spaceship in my head, but in reality I’m a bunch of pieces that have not yet been put together, and I’m forever trapped as this IDEA of a badass LEGO spaceship and can’t seem to do the work to put the pieces together. But like all the pieces are there. 

I want to start putting ideas into action but it feels impossible. 

Idk I’m just venting, and I have no one else to talk to who might understand. ",3.1628983516483515,3.63527839423077,4.500439560439563,89.25884615384615,72.75,8.250549450549451,25.434065934065927,8.418075326091056,1.2674796703296702,379,11,90,6,7,126,64,104,0.12,0.799,0.081,-0.6124,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,8,0,8,1,1,0,1,21,18,9,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,2,6,3,13,15,5,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,5,58,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702969951445993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798696161991354,0.12573809823030158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063203826220497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5960650964793365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579616447547647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671362638340624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192656294205096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368088847041894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308012981418541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022845775616162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457733511494795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414662545026779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322754484791573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381238431596862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281338290073239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdsaf,2019/02/25,"Sense of self and what I find the hardest is that I don’t even know what my own values are. If you know your values it’s easier to make goals to guide your life. Mine change depending on who I’m around, what I’m feeling like at the time, what is inspiring the people I know...I feel as though I have no idea who I am and therefore I mould myself into what I think people want to see. But that doesn’t get you anywhere, because your life is a constant journey towards your goals that are put in place by your values and I don’t fucking have any. That’s why I feel my life is stagnant whilst others move on, make great achievements, progress in their careers. I need to find my sense of self. 
",3.5718881118881143,4.4160242657342685,3.932454545454544,92.33868181818184,72.07692307692308,6.559160839160839,24.789510489510487,6.2581,0.5383376223776226,542,15,120,3,10,169,83,143,0.016,0.8009999999999999,0.184,0.9670000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,7,1,4,3,4,1,0,4,0,12,4,0,4,0,23,27,7,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,13,5,0,0,10,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,4,23,3,16,27,1,15,0,0,1,1,12,9,1,2,4,77,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119185887009786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650918830653828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032513615562218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410155407894104,0.0,0.0,0.1778501997580731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870212463670967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24964653371943896,0.1175744563683333,0.0,0.0,0.30084236568928124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521495799860739,0.08598513936881548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814476721240509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578837192827607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27134306401201724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34873862988085724,0.08040442945242891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971399959689852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492021996326448,0.0,0.12203239814300935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819513226026103,0.0,0.1719488355270118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654462064322688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114724678740322,0.0,0.3433812030316487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545484759445886,0.16169691225531338,0.0,0.09596667391105676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707228614110737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850592058049047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HawluchaTap,2019/02/25,"Reading too much into lack of social media likes? As the title says I could be reading too much into it, but I've noticed more and more lately that my FP doesn't like my posts on social media sites as quickly as she used to. Even when I'm posting at the same time as other people, she'll like theirs first. For some people she's close to, like our closest mutual friend, this is understandable; but even those of casual acquaintances she'll like right away but she can take up to a week to like mine. I'll like hers as soon as I see them, for reference.

Am I being paranoid by seeing a bad thing in this? I have been left by my fair share of FPs in the past so I tend to be hypersensitive about it, but... is this the beginning of the end???",3.982549019607845,4.439726895424837,5.03059477124183,86.24667647058823,70.89542483660131,7.950065359477126,23.143137254901962,7.908726449838941,0.8927678431372543,577,12,126,7,10,190,96,153,0.157,0.758,0.086,-0.8934,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,2,1,9,11,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,1,0,15,21,13,0,2,4,0,0,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,18,10,28,14,7,25,0,0,2,0,14,13,0,1,17,94,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844190864826542,0.0,0.12303263545738645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764845788674178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050999808454014,0.0,0.0,0.19464900746927027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533740385108785,0.0,0.0,0.11384366971495764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621929904800894,0.0,0.16009821044287542,0.0,0.0,0.5039206781352102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664112079157316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776105186451432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066400900184098,0.20431043161404006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822446708752337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29478344046013943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583767028108742,0.0,0.1171801011978561,0.0,0.0,0.234840685081463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004132984900779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079024907227096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978940181284282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592204563316314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339846700397486,0.0,0.12726468314929948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819676171470905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thedemoncowboy,2019/02/25,"Accepting I’ll be alone... do any of you feel this way? As many of us, myself a male or female included dating isn’t “fun”. I never experience a honeymoon phase because I’m too worried systematically figuring out ways they’re going to leave me — so I never really enjoy it. Worrying and scrutinizing so many things simultaneously ... am I ever good enough, do they really like me, what happens if they don’t care about me as much as I care about them?

After the incessant, perpetual-never-ending reassurance they break just a little and were crushed and push them away — because they’re just going to abandon us anyways right?

It’d a full time job dealing with the plethora — but also it’s hard when no one gets it or accepts it.


Am I sad? No.. not anymore ",3.9660416666666687,5.9471424097222245,5.970555555555558,73.63000000000002,72.81944444444444,8.688888888888886,27.972222222222207,9.2995712137729,2.6771638888888893,593,23,106,14,12,206,99,144,0.136,0.7490000000000001,0.115,-0.4798,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,1,5,0,12,11,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,3,20,17,14,0,1,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,1,2,17,9,13,14,3,18,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,3,8,77,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967230603560033,0.0,0.11556731886228838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827407190699812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331846720768834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357751023744129,0.0,0.0,0.17618806239558632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29468209821434715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898697640438788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799598419170513,0.1493209796480508,0.0,0.0,0.1307206496097029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136184137776756,0.0,0.0,0.07307032040234694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550229025708166,0.0,0.1642605983048808,0.12121098887045915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277927279895347,0.0,0.12945562678110514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340725703713794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301883125647633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060195069793679,0.14484039821612152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930278235649159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623398160710036,0.0,0.3343729438827819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792602419220336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515797719488505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341365943156064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960082858074386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426692939997882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34766366879175303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294160308611668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935207580314426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InvernoSnowfall,2018/12/18,"Always fighting Not sure how many of you relate to this but I have a constant need to be fighting *something*. Like if there's nothing wrong in my life, that means something is definitely *wrong* and I have to figure out what it is and fight it. I think it's because I'm so used to it that when I'm not doing it, everything is simply odd.",0.2223174603174627,2.5705552000000007,2.10904761904762,93.79484126984129,89.85714285714286,4.253968253968254,20.63492063492064,5.82211442006289,0.029873015873015607,264,9,56,2,9,87,48,70,0.16699999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.132,-0.1779,0,0,2,0,5,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,3,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,1,14,13,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,7,12,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386372930104707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935273171792005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647632905201637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019463372872586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305422822942884,0.1196970334763716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24839654471319755,0.0,0.26688219521886664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166805168822006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508883885253765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377233531063863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309142476963933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698926674466054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116055956853579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357488604642451,0.0,0.0
bpd,Callido453,2018/12/18,"Carbamazepine & citalopram, anyone else tried this? has it helped? I've been put on this combination now and was curious is anyone else has tried it?

​

40mg citalopram and 200mg carbamazepine in the morning

​

400mg carbamazepine in the night",5.782666666666664,9.265668600000003,4.440000000000005,79.26000000000003,74.1111111111111,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222207,8.841846274778883,3.2640222222222226,217,10,33,5,5,63,30,45,0.0,0.934,0.066,0.4291,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454871173766722,0.40783067819582297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23468230902989395,0.34389554219635743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803781983702716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248382014716857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748435770991484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687018701630618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22787268961099866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40783067819582297,0.0
bpd,atrere,2018/12/18,"Let's talk about music that ""gets"" us. There's an intensity to our particular strain of madness that often feels like someone jacked up the vividness, the contrast, the brightness, throwing every emotion into stark relief, either barely registering or hitting hard enough to warp the world itself around it. As a writer, sometimes this is a blessing, though more often it's a curse. But digressing...

It's comforting when I see media that, lyrically or however, seems to paint in that particular palette. Experiencing it, it feels like, for brief moments, that reality is synced up with my qualia. I find that Caspar David Friedrich's ruckenfigur paintings give a bit of it, but it's usually a feeling that I get with music.

​

Today, it's goth rock band Magenta, in particular, their song ""Untouchable"":

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzbWOV0yp-I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzbWOV0yp-I)  
""Then I fell invincible  
Unbreakable  
Untouchable  
I want my love to have it all  
You own my soul ""

What more can be said about an FP that is also a lover? All-consuming, the greatest high, and yet often the instrument of our own destruction.

​

What music ""gets"" you?",8.01477094240838,11.027581717277489,6.6729548429319365,68.48283540575919,64.28795811518324,9.382329842931936,32.87990837696335,9.827888789773867,3.754719633507854,952,40,135,22,16,285,123,191,0.057,0.763,0.18,0.9773,1,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,3,2,1,0,11,11,2,1,14,0,7,2,0,0,1,20,20,10,0,1,5,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,21,5,0,0,5,3,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,10,14,8,19,16,9,17,2,0,3,2,12,8,0,6,8,97,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915228225595613,0.0,0.32287484398840777,0.3620936106504853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263829045830144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266536303906276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760077608065346,0.0,0.15395300063127315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553580361544886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260110088256449,0.212885964006995,0.0,0.0,0.13617991316342806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353324161832464,0.14293082162435636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334714133173282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742276477796907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235880513510702,0.0,0.14558412603490395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447497228480906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417295951344166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873075547861615,0.13564062989205564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624407615659547,0.0,0.1473611443131473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975757701178512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638810208310746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123106476597228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922419591380634,0.0,0.16409836749331191,0.0,0.08788187439613951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620936106504853,0.0
bpd,IT-hurtswhen-IP,2018/12/18,"Isolating myself so much I’m starting to get afraid of going outside I’ve always been an outgoing guy that had no issues meeting and seeing people, but after I wrecked another relationship I feel like I’m broken.
I lived in another country with the girl of my life for 10 years, gave up my home country to move to her, but am back in ‘home’ now.
I don’t see anyone and feel like a stranger in my own country.
Only thing I do is drugs and alcohol and not seeing anyone.
I tried therapy, anti depressants, psychologists, but nothing gets me out of my isolation.
What to do?",4.4941071428571435,5.710220196428577,6.095000000000002,76.3,70.25,9.171428571428573,30.964285714285715,9.516144504307137,2.9996392857142857,450,19,82,10,8,154,78,112,0.134,0.797,0.069,-0.8201,0,1,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,7,3,0,0,0,12,19,8,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,3,6,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,5,13,2,15,16,2,12,0,1,3,0,6,5,0,0,7,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494634924841326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621216276745673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433090823565997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22892678323658044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587579518441427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099524195268648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984093325790816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554406606602332,0.2338957399014819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105380211324406,0.0,0.09303492576773452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208950921352153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284104593989684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708610835364193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562670213088512,0.15995186453779353,0.0,0.14455078788940665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398802229570404,0.12033890896321887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570753134575852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450181984007384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348950901104406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757533744280009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913449817784187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586825465697888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872061086100952,0.0,0.1087555242749543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111420840278777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541793518791703
bpd,1939mark,2018/12/18,"Can you lay charged on the abuser that is the cause of my BPD Diagnoses? I am 40 and have just been diagnosed with BPD and have found out that my mother is a narcissist. No sexual abuse from her only mental, that I can remember....

Are there ways you can charge the abuser?
I have no real proof other than what the medical professionals have gathered for themselves.

Thank you",4.189061032863851,6.294858915492959,4.813732394366198,81.62698356807516,72.52112676056338,8.67699530516432,24.509389671361504,9.2995712137729,2.122265727699532,297,9,55,7,6,95,51,71,0.223,0.746,0.031,-0.9378,0,0,0,0,3,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,12,3,0,1,1,10,14,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,9,1,7,12,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,44,14,1,0.0,0.6281278459921845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44512754715175307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181532876804332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587198476231433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193756627871232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801970532463884,0.17808508961522407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343981609709086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201138023748037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018132348248674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269354162768648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026651388304304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkkkk_x,2018/12/18,"How do I stop worrying about the future and overthinking? So basically the situation that is getting me worried (I know that this is stupid but like dis what bpd does to you) is that I haven’t called my friend who is basically my sister that’s how close I have thought we are for almost two weeks. Like we usually call almost once a week and she seems a little avoiding of me. I tried to call her but she declined because she’s “eating” according to her. Ik this is retarded to stress over but I can’t help myself 

I can’t just distract myself because my worries would still be playing in the back of my head and I would just feel guilty for avoiding my life and feel even worse when my distractions go and I’m forced to face my thoughts

Wtf do I do to:

A) calm down my thoughts and stop worrying and replace them with positive thoughts and not give a fuck

2) do you lot think I AM drifting apart from this person (who btw I think is my FP) or am I being paranoid?",3.8332653061224486,4.885241102040818,4.5597959183673495,87.30663265306124,71.65306122448979,7.8448979591836725,28.285714285714285,8.192908349453996,1.7018714285714291,760,28,162,11,14,244,113,196,0.239,0.642,0.11900000000000001,-0.9781,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,2,1,0,10,12,2,5,7,0,21,5,2,2,0,40,36,16,0,2,7,1,2,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,10,12,1,4,10,1,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,2,35,5,16,28,1,17,0,0,0,1,20,6,1,5,11,113,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335926654590852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968759441619913,0.0,0.1422031572028198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690175969907834,0.0,0.3573020021531823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207089561512098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935002166117158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703844674587211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795158102942678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901144023359586,0.10783015837397487,0.06093865784444698,0.11189001241152073,0.0662881904862907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197044676963082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818014275167709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410131742016305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823850268370064,0.11396708900041735,0.11690214215876475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916164681026317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421590163438788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018439980328584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618305827707046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110625044548746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314743615482952,0.1950295555385863,0.13360869122669575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494741282684406,0.0,0.3703908841672802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918969759245377,0.0,0.11393859640739455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846052493696802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712029516679016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738071118907052,0.11886431468391878,0.16571289527635938,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwayayaway1,2018/12/18,"I think we become obsessed with NPD and sociopath type characters because we can’t manipulate them. Throwaway that I’m gonna start using for this sub

I know it doesn’t feel like we’re manipulative, but we really are. I can speak from a first hand account that I usually split and devalue people when I feel like I won them over and they truly like me back. 

It’s done subconsciously but a flip goes off in my head when a person begins to give me attention back. I think our minds think that we successfully manipulated someone at this point and we’re done “feeding” off them. Very similar to a narcissist. 

Of course sociopaths and non empath types won’t really fall for our methods because we usually target a persons empathy by opening up about depression, anxiety, and such the moment we meet someone new. This makes the empathetic person trust us more and care about us and give us attention. I think the fact that they don’t fall for us is what makes us obsessed with impressing them all the time.

I definitely don’t think I’m consciously manipulative but I am aware that my self image and personality completely changes depending on who I’m around. I think we all can agree that we unfortunately can’t really control this. 

I’m interested in hearing what you all think about this. 

",5.514081726354451,7.242973475206611,6.378126721763085,73.28062442607899,68.3801652892562,10.171166207529843,31.213039485766764,10.380263240014207,3.4829937557392103,1039,43,186,29,18,343,134,242,0.065,0.731,0.204,0.9909,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,15,1,6,4,9,12,0,2,9,0,13,3,2,9,4,51,38,14,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,2,0,5,16,21,1,1,13,0,1,2,6,3,0,1,3,5,37,9,22,33,4,25,0,1,0,0,33,11,0,1,15,119,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087275224762392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247320409871113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424757300682817,0.0,0.1129503961633014,0.10231851859640546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445719330521796,0.0,0.09800554606454337,0.0,0.09713594535146283,0.0,0.10390863070403077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797945308068661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961487985019768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368763723269374,0.13237043012718436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788033235956189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777460005416444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950799357396196,0.0,0.10441703066639524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091496799097355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578419887487686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236817822933122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354448661701872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947658910460397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422799803469052,0.3235742483061478,0.0,0.0,0.08757895253089124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780512248610922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664836850381453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699468717729526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557422000713084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155397684315548,0.0,0.0,0.05402172502369828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5571993440941408,0.08001506095038771,0.2040695504711126,0.07644137546222078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Loserloser00,2018/12/18,"How do you act in public? I draw attention everywhere I go. Idk how to explain it. I’ll just be walking and a car magically appears behind me or a person just so happens to walk in front of me. I guess I’m a bit out of touch which doesn’t go well with people in the places I visit. So how to deal? Bc part of having bpd is depression which is ruminating and thinking a lot. Sometimes I manage to not think for like 2 minutes but then something triggers me and I start thinking again. On top of that I have a habit of snapping on people who have wronged me so I end up going to a lot of different stores all the time. Please help 
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bpd,Ladyvaderr,2018/12/18,"Empty and dead inside today( trigger warning) I feel nothing except for bursts of self hatred today. 
I feel like a burden to everyone in my life. 
I can’t talk about my emotions or I drag everyone down 
And I feel too many things for other people to hold my feelings for me. 

I self harmed for the first time in over a year. 
Sporadic, angry, different levels of depth. 

I still feel nothing. 
I want to do more. I want to tear my whole body into little pieces. 

Things were ok the last few days 
And now I am back at square one 
Maybe even worse 

I don’t know what getting better really looks like. ",1.5093937418513692,3.910862703389832,2.75,91.51344850065192,82.98305084745763,4.986701434159062,18.39895697522816,6.297961479604792,-0.041829986962190084,461,11,92,4,13,148,81,118,0.214,0.706,0.08,-0.9427,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,4,1,5,2,1,1,0,16,15,4,1,2,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,7,16,4,18,14,4,19,0,0,2,0,3,9,0,1,12,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592882448228832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333392131820888,0.0,0.1674657044969346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723082306793787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751712658444644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695901067905632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995787280205749,0.0,0.0,0.28812445317037605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381156062429161,0.10770640272209864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282404612400896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876838503050694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285639083818856,0.12289343371404945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064896363686045,0.1473121309974659,0.15110593620157542,0.0,0.0,0.12660446030109762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152851842987954,0.15146350503217199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893257820957065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021621298084363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452132875464404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658379096512626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145611324373224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040096344715873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117903478343214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003228669448201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791216687222961,0.0,0.2858148024837332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784996958038013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683235142626064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364221065238692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708758771121123
bpd,KissMyAST,2018/12/18,"I'm trying, by God I'm trying but... I swear the universe has a collection of shit to throw at me whenever I find any semblance of self confidence.

I will say I'm doing alright in that I'm not breaking down as violently as I would have 6 months ago, but I still took three shots back to back and then cried myself to sleep last night.

I'm very ready to throw in the towel. Not in a kill myself kind of way, but in a way where it's just ""too bad, this is how I am, take it or leave it."" It just hurts so much more every single damn time, to be constantly reminded that I'm just not good enough and that I never will. 

I'm trying. I've been trying. It just feels so damn impossible.",2.774383561643837,3.2756968493150715,4.409479452054793,89.45298630136989,73.65753424657535,7.757808219178082,22.134246575342466,7.908726449838941,0.6937912328767117,524,11,124,7,10,177,89,146,0.196,0.7140000000000001,0.09,-0.9469,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,12,10,5,0,5,1,10,2,2,1,1,18,20,12,1,1,11,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,2,2,10,3,17,14,4,24,0,1,0,0,2,7,3,1,11,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818497180552292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136804527839669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570848329647429,0.13957888716902844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806499838041643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362697429868816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272996068179747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084684503544262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452552079320949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527891690965283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021317962917276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895755762374815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494740548287186,0.17408048306027407,0.0,0.13626480739338065,0.0,0.17700752277947426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343246653402344,0.0,0.12288823385244095,0.0,0.12893081196864428,0.0,0.0,0.15687650660007765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293926495800298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439341887358775,0.0,0.17159627479962775,0.0,0.0,0.16728943360044174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335011448396769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569006278048206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974774170136122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573058370030546,0.4539863135053022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793169007017553,0.0,0.2653814760914653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875185269360974,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MyFathaWilHearAbtDis,2018/12/18,"Zoloft? Or any other medication? I really suffer from depression as well as bpd, and I think I need medication. I have frequent suicidal thoughts, hard to get out of bed. Has anyone tried Zoloft or meds? Thoughts? ",2.5598245614035093,5.5226509473684215,3.6484210526315803,80.18561403508772,92.15789473684212,7.796491228070176,24.75438596491228,8.344100000000001,2.6236701754385967,168,7,29,5,6,54,30,38,0.32,0.634,0.046,-0.9262,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,8,7,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,4,1,6,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997812198868545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747745026611909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31480985145398405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528606606426492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059128674233214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391078230628875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776439027789612,0.5036071781917877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853386296135711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012771539880205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734104430095081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016121322438034,0.0,0.396873051294507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970318794569692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224739762595282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThatGeeza,2018/12/18,"Does anyone else get irrationally angry and upset when you get a one word answer to a text? Like I’ll write something funny or interesting and it might be a paragraph or so long and I get a “haha yeah xx” as a reply. Like really? It’s even worse when it comes from your FP. Makes me feel like absolute dog shit. 

Sorry this just happened to me and I’m venting I guess. 
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bpd,shecouldvebeenafool,2018/12/18,Finished one year of DBT group today! And I feel so proud of myself. I can’t believe I stuck it out. I’ve become so much more self aware and able to recognise triggers and urges that are driven by emotions. I’m so happy I needed to share this!,0.4594117647058837,2.7389579803921578,2.0700980392156865,95.36044117647059,86.84313725490196,3.4000000000000004,18.303921568627448,3.1291,-0.7469372549019613,191,5,40,0,6,62,40,51,0.037000000000000005,0.747,0.215,0.8889,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,7,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,5,3,6,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,25,8,0,0.3147496745973116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476162869666952,0.0,0.3546151000699587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35405101977396536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591468926459605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350568813552555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23137722639074554,0.23338289553526104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21328252529274191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283525549583667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983458888047917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268847096723086
bpd,1life2blived,2018/12/18,"I was at the coffee shop half alive on my day off. One of my friends made a joke about how I look like I’m experiencing a manic depressive episode. 

Me on the outside: haha mornings amiright? Good thing coffee exists 💁🏼‍♀️

Me one the inside: you have no idea. *internal sobbing*

Me on the outside: *laughs*",-0.7071248423707424,0.8347680983606587,1.5219672131147526,92.50837326607821,113.91803278688525,3.844136191677177,21.08575031525851,5.8734145424116955,0.41430794451450215,238,10,48,3,13,79,47,61,0.073,0.6809999999999999,0.247,0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,6,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,3,2,2,8,6,7,3,0,6,0,2,1,0,2,5,1,0,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301836922689324,0.0,0.3074144319708367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757552904149354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993673273254889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029189196385536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437294655681504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29972267240255285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377260691694732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4837160790654318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371216025140385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gurneyhallack,2018/12/18,"My therapist cried today. Sorry to make another post so soon. I wrote a couple days ago about the really great success I have experienced in therapy and recovery. I told her all of that, how I was able to sit with my negative emotions and not act out on them, that sobriety was going well, 54 days, and that I was able to communicate the bad days and feelings to others in a way that did not frustrate them and cause them to push me away. She seemed happy at this. But what affected her was that for the first time I was able to tell her how helpful she has been without falling into idealizing and such. I simply explained that there are some therapies based on the medical model that push the idea of an expert teaching a sick person, and other humanistic therapies that give the client all the credit, but I did not feel either were true. I am convinced most successful therapy is co-created.

I explained that I realize, now anyway, that I had done a lot. I have really worked hard, and I do deserve some credit for my success. But so does she. Accepting my own end of this, I feel she saved my life. Maybe not literally, but then maybe it was. I was overtly suicidal when I started, and 5 months from my first and only major attempt. I am not one to half ass things, I do believe suicide is understandable, but fundamentally selfish, and I never acted out in a halfway sense. I pushed it down for years, and when I did act it was a very serious attempt.

If I had acted again it would not have been a cutting thing or something, it would have been dangerous. She may literally have saved my life. But even if it wasn't literal it was life saving regardless. I am 37, and had managed okay before, but I was spiraling. The drinking problem and occasional drug use could easily have turned into a serious drug addiction, that was becoming very likely. The suicidal thoughts were becoming unmanageable, I have avoided hospitals as an adult, but cutting and frequent hospitalizations was becoming a real possibility.

Hell, I have autism and live on disability, I have been independent all my adult life, but talk of group homes was becoming a reality. I do believe she saved my life, maybe in reality, but my quality of life anyway. She is not the most emotive person, kind but sorta closed, but when I explained this I had to stop to check because she was weeping. She didn't go on, but it was pretty overt. She said she did not want to sound corny or motherly, but that she was proud of me. I said I am likely to always be cynical about it, but I was proud of me as well. Sorry to post again so soon, it just really affected me. I am proud of me, but really I am just so damned grateful.",6.459760517799352,6.577345633009712,7.372961165048545,72.77782362459551,65.48543689320388,11.060841423948224,33.671521035598715,10.793553405168565,3.6695190938511337,2111,85,393,54,30,710,232,515,0.141,0.705,0.154,0.8088,0,1,4,0,0,1,65.0,0,0,3,12,28,38,7,1,22,1,62,13,1,8,5,101,83,48,3,9,32,1,4,2,0,3,11,3,1,4,30,22,1,2,12,1,3,10,13,14,2,4,39,8,69,24,45,39,11,54,1,1,0,1,35,16,3,12,26,312,99,8,0.21660022519579294,0.0,0.0,0.07870873895248298,0.0,0.0,0.06400101024210653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600762462817225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570807394644355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783434720495117,0.0,0.0602840468803455,0.04401249562291662,0.31895724175110196,0.0614369460937389,0.16268952066167391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416936551803029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057645884966035614,0.07988800979233956,0.07930839220485217,0.13968922636173792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318277223733272,0.0738857441224114,0.0,0.07072858670830699,0.16745833013788625,0.0,0.0,0.1624307331679892,0.06394783639018498,0.0,0.0,0.04768746864548177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951958196756832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282669393417678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926089094472639,0.08206593302194505,0.0,0.0,0.07960083764810989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685832246191443,0.06467708571847089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839418840398227,0.0,0.07242256212475244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150509652534191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518526773358139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30598228937091804,0.07054661942045763,0.0,0.06375398904932289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061381921921370264,0.0,0.0,0.04819411074883495,0.0,0.2176040392581861,0.0,0.0,0.07273397979511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762941108819841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568514888377343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892463941685241,0.05491141054711979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608464132054098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139473637546356,0.13829542793678942,0.07345343273689915,0.0,0.06908572100433373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217949203230172,0.18501286750156395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735761007578629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572823669423837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558314516176187,0.0,0.1616441458567103,0.051103584742941036,0.0,0.0,0.06036249565991489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369254907250761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058031685447223924,0.06310604795416751,0.0,0.33026831254425904,0.08382985197107137,0.09593304339487356,0.0,0.0,0.05731879477517461,0.04210044438817895,0.0,0.06843722902868077,0.06899026579110322,0.0,0.0,0.0785329488975377,0.0,0.07516282441534551,0.0,0.062357683363142825,0.0,0.11914524666479508,0.04258547491293462,0.05730905894993797,0.0,0.0,0.12983307672821798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959829589722777,0.0,0.05256251454625627,0.0,0.0,0.10257772361002099,0.0,0.0,0.046494481169584996
bpd,tisstossmylipgloss,2018/12/18,"I just had my biggest victory in years! The guy I’ve been seeing for about a month told me this morning that he has an issue staying interested in relationships. He said he’s still very interested in and attracted to me, and he’s trying to work on himself so he can learn to stay in a relationship. And for the first time in my life, I had the self-respect to say I deserve more than that and I’m not willing to stick around and be used anymore.

I knew I’ve been really trying to work on myself this year, but I had no idea I’d made it this far! ",4.2339901477832536,4.10837934482759,5.826305418719215,82.80637931034484,70.20689655172414,9.042364532019707,28.64039408866995,8.841846274778883,1.922553201970444,428,14,96,7,7,147,73,116,0.026000000000000002,0.9159999999999999,0.057999999999999996,0.3365,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,2,0,14,16,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,3,11,3,18,5,1,18,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,0,6,63,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215727359812295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351061461674496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623474334208934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818681542527809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734788878276195,0.0,0.1917100622191691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973581696258196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379870742235234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660846045641446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176675726718711,0.0,0.0,0.39439865005466973,0.0,0.0,0.17471797268901298,0.1460665569329822,0.0,0.0,0.14636602096679044,0.0,0.1916141649698721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915484333879861,0.14668392050688153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710297432738808,0.0,0.0,0.17551032473041844,0.0,0.2494079447835285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863712265786295,0.0,0.1515519667335492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674366851866931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23656269169783398
bpd,melanie_melody,2018/12/18,"My therapist referred to a BPD specialist today. I could use some advice. Hi. 

Sorry in advance if this is inappropriate; I am **not** looking to be diagnosed, nor am I looking to particularly divulge my symptoms. 

I’ve had a rough time lately, and I just started seeing a therapist. After meeting with her today and explaining my issues and experiences, she felt that I needed to see someone who specializes in BPD for an assessment. 

I don’t really know what to make of this. It seems very scary, and, having only known my therapist for a few weeks, I don’t love the fact that I’m already being sent to another person. But I am hopeful that my problem can be given a name and I can work towards bettering myself. I have some basic questions, I guess, that I’d like to ask. 

- how long can I expect it to take for my therapist to come to a conclusion on whether or not I have BPD?

- what is the best way to tell your family if you do have BPD?

- I don’t know if there are medications for BPD; if there are, I’ve been told to expect them to take two weeks or so to know if they’re working or not. Is that accurate? Will I know for sure if they are/aren’t?

I’m sorry if these questions are really stupid, or inappropriate. 

Thanks. ",2.104228395061728,4.336658069958851,4.286322016460904,82.36553240740744,79.41152263374484,7.50679012345679,24.52829218106996,8.472884824447931,1.8418094650205759,953,35,187,21,24,328,132,243,0.053,0.86,0.087,0.8712,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,2,6,5,10,1,0,9,0,27,4,0,3,2,51,55,21,0,13,17,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,7,0,0,12,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,6,6,28,8,26,44,4,17,0,0,4,1,19,4,0,18,10,135,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726098209367199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854257481687193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363674975585376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834815852132924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371275247971317,0.07897683331649508,0.0,0.0,0.5623385892547034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692232882099823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129719491791367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063560066808872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735058894291509,0.08418221671894094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574009361218736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983718258074255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869307303227962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320392232149262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630340429556387,0.0,0.10073204507919356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362649717827853,0.0,0.0,0.07902592900292985,0.14997567661765274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059494065343037,0.0,0.059607115234326324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995835067261454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621334308944261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791516069711269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779715781419815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854461358237923,0.0,0.0,0.2000684165191336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441318391029205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231790539089026,0.08129355470838841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756619142790285,0.0,0.0,0.1999236230179453,0.06320559125023974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416231783672093,0.09281482421923486,0.13428198082654305,0.0,0.07805039690410552,0.08221361024737851,0.0,0.4147274900501791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052070387876659685,0.0,0.1692881446984338,0.0853280755503203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723118047958582,0.0,0.0,0.07712480965451454,0.0,0.07368021047823108,0.0,0.07088060403484743,0.14325895485604132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002002995315734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LindsayEm,2018/12/18,"Possibly losing my therapist So I just got a call from my amazing therapist and he told me that he's leaving his current practice to start his own. Which is great for him and I'm happy for him and it wouldn't be a problem except he won't be able to give me the sliding scale rate that I've had.

I don't know if my dad will want to pay double what we've been paying. I'm so upset right now. This therapist has been the best one I've seen in the last 10 years and the only one that's actually helped me make progress.

Is changing therapists a good way to make more progress and keep things from getting stale or is it just frustrating? It almost feels like I'm losing an FP. I'm scared and sad.",2.2082207207207207,3.611296263513516,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,76.22972972972974,6.825225225225225,23.819819819819823,7.492282038375204,0.8524036036036029,549,17,124,7,12,180,94,148,0.11599999999999999,0.7,0.185,0.9045,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,5,5,13,1,2,8,0,13,0,0,2,0,20,29,10,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,3,7,0,2,6,2,12,6,10,18,4,9,0,3,1,0,12,2,0,3,6,72,22,2,0.1368779225465266,0.0,0.13357310752770613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706346745539918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436449350158438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976766278919409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479869268938586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692095903609243,0.09778561521674073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151306510264584,0.13130577575807367,0.0,0.11480670730297753,0.1094737786966471,0.15090839282906132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570909378540506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174638622016022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216633867199975,0.0,0.0,0.07522452656464618,0.11157377572838056,0.0,0.14493395636496995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687163898530593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062627666258759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827341523485881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550404549201,0.10410182805204912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430929138542807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097368610980292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689299796647112,0.0,0.0,0.1370386790157251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688289808523252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6357032717659038,0.0909356096346602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307927207677113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073414510262844,0.10864732377456868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814489440099166
bpd,hidden_kitty,2018/12/18,"Boyfriend trouble We have the same fight every week. 

I haven’t told him that I suspect BPD and my counselor sort of agrees. 

But every week when it’s counseling day we have a huge fight. His points are:

-I should be spending my money on more reasonable things

- our time together is limited and how could I chose to spend it with someone I pay rather than him?

- my counselor doesn’t care about me. The counselor listens and tells me what I want to hear because I pay them. 

- I should be working out my issues with him rather than a counselor. That I am sharing an intimacy with a stranger that should belong to him. 

- when I pointed out that he thinks a majority of my problems are just me being dramatic and never offers a solution other than that I need to suck it up, he compared it to if he didn’t like the way I gave bjs and just decided to pay a professional instead of getting me to do it. 


I don’t know how to talk to him and help him understand. Every week is this huge fight and he doesn’t talk to me for a day or two. I feel like he’s being unreasonable but I don’t want this to be a situation where I have to break up with him or quit going to counseling. ",4.548967921896789,4.828378485355652,5.485087866108788,84.11622315202231,69.5857740585774,8.716429567642956,29.74086471408647,8.648137234880735,2.031689316596932,914,33,196,14,15,301,119,239,0.087,0.8390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.1723,0,0,0,0,3,0,19.0,3,0,1,3,11,10,4,0,12,0,24,0,0,3,1,45,39,16,0,11,9,0,1,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,15,15,0,1,7,0,6,1,7,6,0,1,3,3,38,4,30,27,3,22,0,0,0,0,30,10,1,4,11,145,53,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322954777871352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926199796690695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593042105952726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221084992028702,0.0,0.0,0.19726463615910356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865704279855032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733001696631593,0.1092588938084738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990376057511178,0.0,0.08691815489429314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723721718576318,0.0,0.10251107636968268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962747324914514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405069131591786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943550309521006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340154351325166,0.11795516648052555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891515715476977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634095240549744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266832307631054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724567253500474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190865069981984,0.0,0.0,0.12958381897163615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458514435279692,0.1336744992439256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160517060162877,0.09799645561461423,0.0,0.0,0.08917934182194187,0.0,0.0,0.14613875422889674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493981431432257,0.15921378760364746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804135172015745,0.12139501689025765,0.36803276752297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134064069541134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ankaln,2018/12/18,"Book Recommendation to share with loved one I'm fairly new to BPD. Well, new to knowing that its what's been causing my misery since I was a teenager. I found this book (though slightly dated) put a lot of my most difficult feelings into words I could use to tell my husband about instead of using thrown plates.

""I Hate You, Don't Leave Me"" by Jerold Kreisman, MD.

It's from the 80s, so I recommend finding a cheap paperback copy and highlighting everything you find most relatable from the anecdotes within. Then pass it along to your closest loved one, telling them ""This is me right now. I'll get better, but I need your help.""


I would love any recommendations from you folks. Specifically self help and couples related. 


",4.871729986431478,7.001093350746268,4.835535956580736,82.09135006784261,70.71641791044777,7.857801899592942,29.34599728629579,8.575989854853784,2.2697104477611942,575,23,105,10,11,178,100,134,0.048,0.7879999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,5,1,1,6,8,1,0,5,0,6,3,0,3,0,21,18,6,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,5,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,3,1,18,6,16,13,3,11,0,0,0,3,16,4,0,3,5,66,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515085476188314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367539655147258,0.0,0.0,0.19474579775655687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588433029522206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234561291667367,0.17109052036598252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896770983514867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818345672399386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826503824608927,0.0,0.0,0.1695392222155118,0.0,0.0,0.08078560502230081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266097744217672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072848453290839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497830266844822,0.0,0.0,0.16372640910320385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145733621215291,0.4186674979969831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465308062151855,0.0,0.29867714625763525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955690442922975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554416493755511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204959890948045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130844494658056,0.0,0.0,0.12790806985789901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702995508533615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191907558297105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670941114480062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902717514110213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984174068183693,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mikmilk,2018/12/18,"meeting my FP for the first time in 3 weeks Hi guys, I've been talking to this guy for almost a year now (we met online) and i'm from america and he's from Belgium. He means the absolute world to me and he keeps me sane and he is so good with my BPD sometimes, so patient and sweet but other times he just adds fuel to the fire. I don't think he does it on purpose idk. I'm going abroad next semester to the netherlands and i'll be 45 min away from him and i want to meet him and have a chance to be with him so badly and i know he wants it too but he's extremely scared. He won't call me and stuff because he's just terrified and i don't know why i try talking about it with him but he says he doesn't want to think about the future and stuff because it makes him so scared. before anyone pulls the ""catfish"" card hahahaha i do have proof that he is who he says he is so that's not the case. I just don't know how to make things less scary for him. I try sending him voice notes (he's heard my voice a couple times) but it's still not enough to make him take a breath and just call me. i think he's just afraid to come to terms with his feelings maybe? idk if anyone could give me some advice that would be wonderful. he won't talk to me now and i'm scared he'll leave and i'll have to go abroad and idk if i can do it knowing i'm 45 min away and that i can't see him.",0.356201298701297,1.8407462435064976,2.070779220779219,99.8083116883117,81.6948051948052,5.3090909090909095,17.81818181818182,5.985473137389443,-0.631351948051948,1065,21,275,7,28,349,139,308,0.121,0.83,0.049,-0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,17,7,0,4,11,0,22,1,1,4,1,60,52,29,0,7,13,0,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,2,16,24,0,1,10,0,0,5,9,5,0,1,3,9,31,2,29,41,4,24,0,0,1,0,47,5,0,5,14,153,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068805040910156,0.0,0.0,0.1095237961227022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295583028666745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552382563700916,0.0,0.09132400067399107,0.13334861834704453,0.0,0.09307052191782796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775465379212554,0.0,0.22336929435776184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421733612186056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732746240377944,0.1210219458988917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571526519842903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301416256901603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530355539044123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303477171906617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492297678475238,0.12432127089084473,0.09173900702797913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165979455264629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721799842145742,0.0,0.0,0.2404397280719329,0.0,0.0,0.11581289590049905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190270509498903,0.0,0.1098824230525507,0.11914201897919495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116322119213358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739596262566914,0.3285119650061386,0.0,0.08715813817581873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817519795959912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734744121116994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504176327466845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223678817684202,0.2637357288611117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266424346926026,0.21025027371365096,0.0,0.0,0.1913332570047598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851761337777947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353756794249155,0.0,0.08773445441015792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869440543318203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861309890100878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769723985760013,0.0,0.0,0.07043425664663525
bpd,AlixFallenStar,2018/12/18,"DAE feel like a burden to your partner?? I accidentally said ""I love that about you"" to him on just our third date. We did tlak about it later and told him it just slipped out but still.

Its been 3 months, and things have only improved with him. Yet I'm still kicking myself for saying that.

This is my most steady relationship yet. and I still wonder if I'm messing everything up like I did on my last relationship.",3.1522648083623714,5.049445585365857,3.944425087108016,87.64743902439025,74.85365853658536,6.636933797909408,22.68989547038328,7.447530270364453,0.7393602787456444,326,9,68,4,7,104,59,82,0.043,0.8140000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,12,5,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,3,14,3,10,7,1,13,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,3,11,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279001437471467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408998775133795,0.16119672987739386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392610965963044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047188642379234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364823847148636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010310175717412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160882220819948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845042365396485,0.0,0.0,0.21463460373333265,0.17943739320857166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405874049617907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990469579829305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156079790753592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446961484704711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,okidokismokee,2018/12/18,I’m pretty sure having friends is overrated The total pretty much sums it up. But every time I get close to someone the drama that comes with it is never worth the energy in maintaining friendship. I don’t feel lonely however I just would rather be alone because people I have encountered make it not worth it. ,8.440790960451977,7.709039406779662,8.280000000000005,70.72757062146893,61.711864406779654,11.256497175141243,33.22598870056497,10.504223727775694,3.4839446327683614,251,8,42,5,3,81,47,59,0.14300000000000002,0.638,0.218,0.7937,1,3,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,3,13,12,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,4,10,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909211693665041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123019781746016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196505823545905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366650646404159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202829915896156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701778275120345,0.0,0.1467553694683829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874987319024635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064891961258768,0.0,0.21664254489351276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473632997265705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715397702356995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380003280625307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647389964490303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379138057868542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953883160698505,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShadeOf_MushroomBlue,2018/12/18,"I'm shocked at how rude some people in this sub are Honestly. I've met some lovely people on here. My best friend is a girl I met through this sub. I'm so glad it exists.

But the harsh responses boggle my mind. Like... I get it. We can be self pitying and we can make choices that we in hindsight don't agree with and then we bitch and moan. We can be annoying and we can overreact.

I have seen one particular active user on this sub who honestly is really rude, judgmental, harsh and honestly it actually upsets me. I've come across several responses to other people's posts and it makes me feel sad

Sometimes we need tough love. Sometimes we need to be told we fucked up or that we did something wrong. But sometimes people here just want to rant or talk and they need some empathy. They don't need to have responses which are half in all caps and are clearly hostile and rude. I dont know or get why people feel the need to be extremely rude to people in a supportive sub like this.

I posted about feeling upset at something I saw about bpd sufferers. I got a couple responses. One was particularly rude. It was like ""are you SERIOUSLY upset at that. You shouldn't of read it then. You dont belong on that website. You don't deserve to be on that website."" etc etc.

I admit I am a sensitive person. I volunteer, I'm a nurturing person. I can be a POS at times but overall I'm extremely polite and careful with my words. It makes me sad for the OPs of this sub when they receive hostile, condescending and plain rude responses.

There are ways to convey somebody is in the wrong without being mean and belittling them.

Why can't we all be nice instead of arguing and demeaning each other?",2.428300671384505,4.742492835329344,4.043500272182907,84.09969424786792,78.73053892215569,7.521538740700418,25.390673199056433,8.484438967287268,1.9420870259481045,1333,51,259,29,33,444,159,334,0.185,0.7070000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9740000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,11,4,4,1,10,39,12,3,10,0,34,3,0,4,3,61,67,24,0,7,8,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,21,28,0,0,6,1,0,2,8,24,0,3,9,5,36,15,33,49,9,24,0,4,2,3,34,15,2,6,7,175,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0965251870363234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380348616467466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457793507281673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084877957107408,0.0,0.0,0.08520511546444637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944576973297067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23185148117543075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220629122731888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004072551602185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642022931741076,0.09144382270383973,0.10335631344268696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911006309466223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054360204915238935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497223834842524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854636825168918,0.0,0.19807634066287846,0.0,0.0,0.10774566445669426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987431322933314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667150767335379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405252762721595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114444854503675,0.1727346901831988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946334500554632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894014386282267,0.0,0.06336644180662276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031882238936555,0.1117439608699142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229669939760598,0.2934835756961637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224572747382083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950282525729012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767718527650945,0.0,0.0,0.09451597008383054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834167221596205,0.07851283422571376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850787459651002,0.0,0.0,0.09534896521236863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629249903800307,0.0,0.0
bpd,codecx81,2018/12/18,"Alexa--A BPD story by /u/karolinasmommy My family got an Alexa. 

Everyone's been screaming at Alexa, unable to decide on how loud she should be.

My dad has been teasing her by purposely pronouncing ""Michael Buble"" as ""Michael Bubbles"" so she will try (and fail) to give him what he wants.


At some point she started ignoring them and then later apologized for it.

And then I realized, Alexa is me.",3.785655577299412,6.331289835616442,4.479882583170255,81.51849315068493,75.30136986301369,8.554990215264189,28.23679060665361,9.23628265651192,2.790437964774952,310,13,56,8,7,99,59,73,0.08900000000000001,0.88,0.031,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,10,11,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,10,0,9,5,1,8,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,1,4,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709672762248782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35731792282569963,0.0,0.0,0.3525195502520852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587195585006484,0.0,0.0,0.29907584289219125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534963722401166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26467830700326983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538822969621905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056087571122268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anxiousthrowaway301,2018/12/18,I need friends I know I need to make friends and work on myself (lol) before another relationship But ahjjhhh I just want to be close and happy and supported and understood + provide that to someone else.... it seems like one sided feelings are more common than mutual. Either I like someone and I'm nothing to them or vice versa. I don't know if I'll ever be able to perform well in a relationship and relationships aren't just a quick and easy validation source. But aahuhhuhhhhhh my fp/crush is out of reach and my heart hurts. Idek why. For once I'm not going to fuck him because it just hurts me and reminds me of bad shit. At least I don't have to worry about that anymore. I want a tender kiss and hug!!!!!!!!,1.8779812206572792,4.261923887323949,3.7245352112676073,85.22069953051643,81.25352112676056,6.321877934272301,23.551173708920192,7.554174236665415,1.1818407511737092,560,20,112,9,15,188,93,142,0.087,0.684,0.22899999999999998,0.9503,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,7,15,2,0,3,1,8,6,2,1,1,32,23,14,0,5,9,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,1,1,15,10,16,20,3,10,0,2,0,3,7,6,2,3,5,71,19,1,0.14801014921775296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520154669746067,0.0,0.0,0.1467862965105029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358229220876073,0.09022561318260508,0.0,0.12594573552170932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364348742390717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388365370841798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483837865188223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287045482611724,0.13683299794804252,0.0,0.0,0.08411757869567625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755955607983935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539273946412073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316895851912646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268501442054709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462056525275632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879792392049444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194953004303458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201973003023313,0.0,0.0,0.1576259783882009,0.10029550764271873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767225270234561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474288097540213,0.0,0.0,0.1519302912090269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25081703824222706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679601633326834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460044163873067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330788994510941,0.0,0.1335561381629994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775315142289346,0.15031149111424355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dpbpd,2018/12/18,"Medication? I haven't been on here for a while since I thought I was doing well but I realized I'm still in the cycle of high one track mind motivation to a no motivation depression. It changes pretty much weekly, and I'm so tired of it. I'm on 60mg of cymbalta and I forget how much of Wellbutrin but I still slip into a very unproductive depression that blackens the good things I did in my hypomania. Does anyone have any advice? I see my psych today and I need him to take me seriously since he laughed at my last time when I said my therapist and I concluded that I'm on the BPD spectrum.",2.8536885245901606,4.4740896147540985,5.030295081967214,80.72740983606558,74.98360655737704,8.814426229508197,26.95409836065573,9.3871,2.3550039344262297,471,18,98,12,10,164,79,122,0.172,0.6779999999999999,0.15,-0.5956,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,4,0,16,15,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,5,2,17,3,14,10,2,16,0,2,1,0,3,8,0,0,8,66,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739051745445296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210221887136662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443714871027785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241404764674441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826319539624364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065616987624629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573822412676994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926845794212176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802961638961105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506509106479326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792808458042042,0.0,0.0,0.17969374866421384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616492574363985,0.1319586682486052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205935762078049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810542140742057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692853091594841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418149302470974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944286968165437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28424589010005297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380740597646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663088706751245,0.11823192687140535,0.0,0.0,0.14128419806970655,0.1037727249341666,0.20454439517208975,0.16868985224402866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683962472413722,0.0,0.0,0.14275265388695085,0.0,0.160011757054718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cosims2,2018/12/18,"I dont think people get what Pete Davidson is going through at all To start, having BPD is already rare but. What annoys me is, they talk about him like he just has run of the mill depression. He most likely has depression but thats not at all the same thing as BPD. When you try and explain it to neurotypicals. They just dont fucking get it",2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,3.6257142857142886,89.84761904761906,76.14285714285714,6.3809523809523805,23.095238095238088,7.1686216300943375,0.7245238095238089,270,8,57,3,6,87,52,70,0.175,0.784,0.040999999999999995,-0.9109,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,0,4,6,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,2,12,15,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,8,15,4,6,0,2,0,1,8,2,1,1,4,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23426729864988124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347436576570115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656901392319408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976046079286742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625868816258954,0.22182553058044246,0.0,0.12064930165818225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074283458191539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717515916437826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025995768102315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063066403894084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410360458393929,0.13602686284884016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441309778251998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Joao_Lagoa,2018/12/18,"What can I do to help a friend? I have a friend that has BPD and I wanted to know what I can do to help her?
What makes you feel better or you think it helps you? 

Any responses are deeply appreciated as this is an important person to me and I really want to do my best",-0.6907990314769954,1.3181484915254238,2.09714285714286,95.03932203389832,89.50847457627121,6.083292978208232,13.513317191283292,7.447530270364453,-0.3764208232445525,207,3,52,4,7,72,40,59,0.0,0.591,0.409,0.9799,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,9,15,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,6,15,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,0,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956969736416176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771144355218421,0.2335394063741849,0.0,0.0,0.33257403418430265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351655290491132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080238437493017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5309810894292448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512034283743092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626194572421214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056680432302815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691634491390105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919883718972595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311498585661732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,potberry,2018/12/18,"Who are someone who has recovered from BPD? If a patient with BPD does not have identity and fluctuate a lot, when they recover, who are they? Do they adapt a new personality and new values or do they remove the trauma and emphasize genuine feelings? ",6.714927536231888,7.834160347826085,7.576956521739131,68.04992753623189,65.08695652173913,11.35072463768116,37.072463768115945,11.20814326018867,4.686342028985508,200,10,33,6,3,67,33,46,0.071,0.872,0.057,-0.163,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,7,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6906828575201286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995157715436416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864220415280126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23311242055783224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5296421982646743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394181789472816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323261650465033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,morganasdeadsins,2018/12/18,"Being ignored. Why do people (particularly men) think it's ok to ignore me and leave me on read? Am I in the wrong to feel crazy when they like my statuses/pics and watch my stories, but absolutely ignore my messages and leave me on read? There's this guy I was talking to and when he did it the first time, I deleted him. When I went back on Facebook I saw a message from him explaining how stuff was going on in his life and I felt bad, so I gave him another chance. Instead he did the same shit again. 

I find it really really mean to leave someone on read and not acknowledge them. If you want me to fuck off, simply just tell me. I feel so embarrassed and stupid for doing this.",2.8810595160235413,4.319633417266189,4.279189012426425,86.88966644865928,74.53956834532373,7.644473512099411,24.14715500327011,8.296473431620573,1.301756834532374,531,16,114,9,11,176,89,139,0.247,0.705,0.047,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,1,11,11,3,1,4,1,8,3,1,1,0,25,20,15,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,3,8,3,0,2,1,9,0,1,8,5,24,2,15,11,1,17,0,0,2,1,17,8,2,1,8,80,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652469453852747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221140332145709,0.13259857197526004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059682921919294,0.0,0.15248118858997095,0.0,0.1451482100652659,0.13508253890486685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681601872503472,0.0,0.0,0.09025460374388923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724551080559326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044662246306681,0.0,0.0,0.11217123136196458,0.07758587451338353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729891535882948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009790764440733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765548153340222,0.0,0.20347374883813354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301477577443935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455803620231704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181797885849148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276443606198601,0.1388057417302064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175815720615758,0.0,0.0,0.09260258881552354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366944411597587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721719034186925,0.14330008678774808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363230587862666,0.0,0.0
bpd,topsyxkretts,2018/12/18,"it’s interesting hi, 26f. not sure if this belongs here but yeah, just wanted to say something. 

i’ve never been diagnosed with any mental illness, i’ve never given myself the time to look into it or to heal from past traumas. i wont go into detail. however, i can strongly relate to BPD.

i’m also a musician and songwriter. in the past i’ve always put myself down based on the fact that i vocally sound very different on most songs. i notice that i shift into a different personality type when playing and singing certain tracks. now, i’m beginning to view this differently. i don’t feel the need to shy away from the fact that i feel like i’m constantly switching between different people in a very short space of time any more. in the past i’ve tried to lightly get onto the subject to see if other people ever feel a disconnection from ‘self’ but i’m mostly met with odd looks and people confirming my name and who i am back to me (like that means anything anyway) so i tend to act like i don’t feel the way i do. which leads to me fearing people pointing out that i sound different on tracks when i release my music to everyone. 

upon reflection and saying all that, i’ve decided to embrace my music in whichever way it comes out naturally. if i’m someone else then so be it. it’s all still an extension of whatever is inside my body and mind. whatever i am and whatever is inside of me is comfortably expressing itself through music yet for so long i have been trying to squash that into something that wont disturb peoples idea of who i am. i can say now that i really like the idea of my true self being present within my creations with music and art. 

sorry if this was pointless and wasted your time. thanks for reading. ",4.1058154748477325,5.635108005865106,5.581304985337244,78.4073420933905,71.58064516129029,8.413309271373791,28.657906609519515,8.950670267944501,2.458918700654184,1374,53,251,27,26,464,179,341,0.073,0.805,0.121,0.9414,6,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,2,15,15,0,2,14,1,19,4,1,1,10,54,42,23,0,6,9,0,4,4,0,2,3,6,0,3,22,19,0,0,9,5,0,5,7,3,0,0,5,15,30,12,47,33,5,49,0,0,4,0,13,21,0,7,25,172,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317708075386915,0.07614007851642904,0.0,0.0,0.12445403712306123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530139999339197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597262382332063,0.07036224030170866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164221188931748,0.11524823454093548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882406403183913,0.0,0.09888516116912732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287636633116844,0.0,0.4780199386073646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644127636540994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277215069846998,0.0,0.08743762434108754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296936037184194,0.1850721394052684,0.06537169529846094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047807955100422836,0.0,0.052004801985405816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065976099714041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882026505296073,0.0,0.0,0.08097967109651633,0.15368349500231432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996765406395275,0.0,0.0,0.09221623019085723,0.0,0.09239467863182324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785032220734874,0.141149684629996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417985380999137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620576539894514,0.3171926776334973,0.07989925373202371,0.0,0.0,0.08650247028595309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919885094879292,0.0,0.0,0.09153046965139963,0.0,0.058620898982517385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830703270909035,0.0,0.0,0.07291820112150875,0.0,0.19092081791542712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753248851552738,0.14089112748358215,0.0,0.10243314720043914,0.0,0.0,0.07307657573911251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624304583481014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424616074102803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007314070158934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425273679574755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100358290322766,0.053972436765190215,0.1452659418063038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway30072908,2018/12/18,"My Best Friend split on me and I’m worried about her [Advice] My friend uBPD has split on me, we have been friends for 3/4 years now and have become romantically involved to varying degrees. Last week she asked if we could be together which made me extremely happy all was great until Friday when I turned round and she had disappeared.

The weekend spiralled out of control it seems with drinking and drugs to alleviate her sadness,  deciding that she only wanted to be together because she was bored this all culminated in a panic attack and a quick decision afterwards to cut me off.

She had been talking about suicide all weekend and I’m terrified something happens to her but I don’t know what steps to take. I spoke to a close friend of hers to ask them to check on her but I’m scared it’s not enough. 

I just wish she would come back and speak to me I miss her terribly but I don’t know what I can do? 

I don’t know if this is the right sort of thing to post here but I’m sick with the fear of losing her and don’t know where else to get advice.",2.9286384976525817,4.721377661971836,3.8165492957746494,88.77627934272303,75.19718309859155,6.986854460093897,24.97887323943662,7.793537801064563,1.2120309859154927,834,28,175,12,18,267,124,213,0.18600000000000005,0.727,0.086,-0.9688,0,0,3,0,0,1,12.0,2,0,1,3,9,17,2,3,6,0,20,3,0,2,3,40,41,16,1,6,8,0,1,0,4,1,2,2,0,0,9,15,1,1,7,3,1,3,5,10,0,0,8,3,31,7,28,29,5,24,0,3,1,0,26,9,0,4,11,121,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26403885109367103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526029540159689,0.15369723119885104,0.0,0.10388455944271133,0.0,0.08235649776057181,0.1492087701129776,0.0,0.0,0.14178047796326262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637780619718023,0.0,0.0,0.15152759445851366,0.10786739376895356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234783918542736,0.156674614740649,0.0,0.11285979929587765,0.0,0.0,0.1395957564750329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520265215044157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175157131619286,0.0,0.0705848525028238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894965883490555,0.0,0.0,0.11946963231660045,0.14381784473089826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969925623822186,0.11012559022140847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114379574113926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783611550162147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275062560640197,0.0,0.15851226489658146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293896987659474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537577096203892,0.0,0.0,0.13525996867317738,0.0,0.0,0.1229911483432636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040075802394781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477788930178451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157936310515683,0.10858930639888564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975529973584329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695141773881906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796862463639496,0.0,0.10837011268239063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535982612422666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372019268662064,0.0,0.0959720863951025,0.0,0.0,0.08700080693284094
bpd,DeejEl,2018/12/18,"Any Diabetics around? It's felt as if my mind has wanted me dead for about as long as I can remember; I got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in July of this year and now it seems as though my body doesn't me alive anymore either.

I don't want to be pessimistic, though I hope at least someone here can appreciate how I now feel completely and utterly hopeless.

An incurable personality disorder and an incurable autoimmune disease - so yeah... Any diabetics around? Would quite appreciate some perspective or experience...
Thanks in advance you lovely people.",4.786363636363635,7.759000010101013,6.03059595959596,69.45922727272729,74.15151515151516,10.424646464646466,32.12222222222222,10.355215969177356,4.411593131313131,447,22,72,16,10,149,76,99,0.152,0.713,0.135,-0.2078,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,2,10,4,0,0,2,1,7,6,1,1,0,20,16,13,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,10,3,14,12,3,10,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,5,4,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251339858702867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327134817198287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32902129230758503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527047386375333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375865542222045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875675014658568,0.0,0.0,0.2117961231916128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807692738705737,0.0,0.0,0.09344012947117583,0.0,0.17743640485353873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780096229104375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354750212242696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354165410542226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678867396170285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659471407308933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281166358615692,0.161359708432875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965569097926146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934169622632307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823443359491005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657993230951112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013845935726102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36312894534011386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179989487524414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312761919300038,0.0,0.0,0.11900475500721902
bpd,xAkumu,2018/12/18,"I hate these light switch emotions I hate being able to go from laughing almost to the point of tears and then one comment getting made and me almost bursting into tears.
Hmmm, what's stability??",5.1108333333333364,7.376272861111111,5.151111111111113,79.50500000000002,70.3888888888889,5.911111111111111,28.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.5597333333333334,157,6,25,1,3,49,30,36,0.27,0.655,0.075,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,1,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,16,5,0,0.27714475875502725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550408848314023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117505509346922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479669772141993,0.0,0.1575077532039538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472461436279236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622410718139319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878004610951386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619913781261161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DeadpanManNamedDan,2018/12/18,"It keeps happening I keep missing work because I cant bring myself to push through the doors, I had to sit and console myself for about 20 minutes yesterday to get myself to go, and now here I am just called in sick and regret it immediately. I hate missing work because they're all so nice to me and this is now my 9th day of missing work i guess, and i thought i was finally gonna get a full week after not having one since October. I'm still gonna have my job after this, I'm not exactly in a position that's needed in day to day and I actually spend a lot of my day doing nothing, and no matter how many times they say they dont mind at all that I miss days, it will eat me up inside all day until it's time for work tommorow.",11.45120253164557,4.5866531075949375,11.521341772151905,68.74327848101268,62.22784810126582,14.665316455696207,43.62531645569621,10.355215969177356,4.2781402531645565,573,19,129,8,5,198,97,158,0.127,0.8370000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.8902,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,4,9,7,1,0,4,0,10,2,0,1,4,24,29,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,8,7,1,2,1,0,1,3,5,6,0,1,3,1,20,1,20,23,5,27,0,5,0,0,4,6,0,2,17,85,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.14030828849382074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529359338894415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681519293594048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.556356237021035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850878774386815,0.0,0.0,0.1471225715347214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750368033714693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023796264406233,0.0,0.08171334123770288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838959656377516,0.0,0.1271439517165756,0.0,0.0,0.14195272920115198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267920914897125,0.2555960833583796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223639571478995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457700920744174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517655322884984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661085745837612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796054097600155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974288747690662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433942236945945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189360890215553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482268832652573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414505542866962,0.16767824854341312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153314370123426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418693460662312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,supremegoldfish,2018/12/18,"Too affectionate? I'm with my BPD BF for a few months now and once in a while I feel like I'm being a total attention whore, too clingy or affectionate to the point of annoying - especially if depression strikes with a vengeance I don't feel like I'm giving enough to deserve any of that. He always says it's alright and that if anything, he finds the clinginess reassuring (since it's only directed at him, not others too), but I'm afraid he's just saying that to not make me feel bad? Most of my previous relationships ended abruptly because I was ""too overbearing"" and I don't want a repeat of that.

​

Any insight? Is it indeed reassuring or just as annoying as I feel it is? u.u",4.383161764705882,5.7592356985294115,5.852235294117651,77.32805882352943,70.69117647058823,9.263529411764708,30.511764705882353,9.642632912329526,2.9173758823529417,549,23,105,13,10,186,82,136,0.142,0.742,0.11599999999999999,-0.7553,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,13,2,1,7,1,6,1,0,1,1,25,17,11,0,3,9,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,6,9,7,14,15,4,9,0,1,0,1,11,3,0,5,8,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232055901252592,0.19834540015924348,0.22243789950434906,0.24897411291557744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064275694100268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284742787175792,0.11159165813025547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055762290413384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766928324164767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621367976440628,0.18914988320999374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702424830803383,0.26155615716391795,0.0,0.0,0.1673134954485394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560780307300905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886770848126834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219395093277527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611672093080968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495289277939032,0.0,0.13922535558364751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730508411161899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653789865237245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29115327001262425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514290982214541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797351276132552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243789950434906,0.0
bpd,trygently,2018/12/18,Feeling a whole lot more emptier today Usually that feeling passes fairly quickly but today it’s just been slowly expanding and the urge to “get away” is just dominating my thoughts. Oof.,8.514545454545452,9.488977575757577,8.723787878787878,61.90568181818182,61.12121212121213,11.44848484848485,40.74242424242424,11.20814326018867,5.292587878787879,152,8,21,4,2,50,30,33,0.127,0.799,0.07400000000000001,-0.4208,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034735611711004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32664177688872725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875663137197267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27460705681627073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25642966268846273,0.0,0.0,0.6123414012451808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35574405836070555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606232276648574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theultimatepie,2018/12/18,"New here. Recently Diagnosed So this is my first post to Reddit after being a lurker for many a year!

I’m a 27 year old male from London UK who has suffered with anxiety and depression for many years. Earlier this year I was also diagnosed with Bulimia for which I am on Prozac for, and have also struggled with Alcohol abuse throughout the year.

Much more recently it turns out that I have also been suffering from BPD which has put a lot of my issues into perspective and made a lot of my previous actions make sense. Wether it was the self destructive behaviour or my affirmation about my relationships it all kinda now makes a bit more sense and I’m going to try and deal with things.

I’m sure I’ll have tons more questions but is there anyone else from London who could point me in the direction of some good MBT or DBT services? I don’t mind paying for these as I’d like to get my recovery moving.

Thanks!",5.21040037243948,6.16212348044693,5.982807262569835,78.73704143389203,68.38547486033521,9.989013035381753,28.324487895716945,10.125756701596842,2.7645973929236503,729,24,139,18,12,239,116,179,0.085,0.845,0.07,0.3682,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,1,9,0,14,4,0,3,2,26,24,13,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,12,11,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,5,0,1,4,0,11,4,25,18,10,22,0,3,0,0,7,5,0,7,13,96,23,2,0.0,0.1484321408716962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388245579449992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005506621874243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583616264599104,0.0,0.0,0.0875962261245258,0.12836055602985966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676946747112273,0.0,0.15778133832055194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000230737104406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915454777487506,0.10790044678875503,0.2543059759041521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465242210353826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656010804783714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654517890721725,0.0,0.07119750935046318,0.10507596590468496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307560950076384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061203759110232514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130111630499601,0.0,0.11853963238477087,0.1672460434835916,0.2540213712053557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649353030261212,0.0,0.0,0.13314907000832046,0.09209262570406354,0.0,0.0,0.12099280293894367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145658971462534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184267644889918,0.0,0.1199802361477192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593746181823678,0.14033832604258933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473908167877873,0.13450005378037028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069068816516544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309661750713041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807159777205725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533774936366888,0.0,0.0,0.08322812527213279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505450508511192,0.13626483383687893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033697218712259
bpd,soulfulplanet7,2018/12/18,"Working hard but going unnoticed I’m so sick of using up all my emotional/mental labor trying to regulate myself. I’m “high functioning” so I can 90% of the time control or at least reduce the symptoms, but of course you’re never recognized for that 90%, just the 10% that you fuck up. It’s like the best you can really get is to go without any recognition, bc it means you’re pulling off the “no I don’t have a severe personality disorder” facade. I’ve been trying to not freak out the whole semester over the fact that my girlfriend and her ex are not only super close friends still, but they’re roommates bc they chose housing while still dating, and I’m an hour away at another college. That’s something even a neurotypical person would have trouble getting used to, just imagine how fucking hard it is. The very few times I slip and let my insecurity over the situation show, those are the times that get remembered and fought about. Not the time that I played it cool while my gf told me she was still physically attracted to her ex, or the many days she invites her ex to hang out with us, or the time she was for SOME REASON shocked and disappointed in me for not wanting a three way with them. Who tf can deal with something like this???? Not me, not without it being a detriment to my sanity!!!! So fuck it I’m just gonna let it all out. I don’t care about seeming cool and sweet and normal anymore. 

(Just wanna put a PSA that my girlfriend isn’t a POS like this is making her out to be, she just has a super weird relationship with compartmentalizing sex and intimacy mixed with a bit of obliviousness that different people will have different reactions to things than she would)",6.012073170731707,6.416436060975612,6.527341463414638,77.47497560975613,66.4390243902439,9.730731707317073,31.03414634146341,9.642632912329526,2.716866585365854,1340,48,259,26,20,437,179,328,0.155,0.728,0.11699999999999999,-0.9327,2,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,1,2,2,5,15,23,4,1,22,2,25,6,0,6,4,57,47,20,0,5,19,3,2,3,4,4,2,0,0,2,20,18,0,1,5,2,0,5,13,10,0,1,5,5,29,13,40,34,8,35,0,1,0,4,28,15,3,5,17,181,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101190705835833,0.10949767846696684,0.0,0.0,0.10356055748590604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981097940031964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958655512961772,0.0,0.1140039723856712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646723680058023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712040558989335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734484710431801,0.1076565681673034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820172804109594,0.11967896133166607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897107318223908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067773041673074,0.28961494131613,0.16367170448080146,0.0,0.11869314167846033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708680242457185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032969891884,0.0,0.0,0.10283661437549699,0.1204912862969636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135612485513029,0.0,0.15304888859734933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970383695813487,0.10586955525866967,0.0,0.1137483588868041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805382333748702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023133576282124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941916446731354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239445971987024,0.1823580338961719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497497127770257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689669417646521,0.10736527317693637,0.0,0.11211230620815366,0.11829204609712915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506369601791324,0.0,0.11796940720127765,0.0,0.0,0.11737696145346024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607814078432582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501794457369531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853652872215892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937467163304384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044523973885741,0.0,0.0,0.09978161571365234,0.0,0.14179409525078898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560922559091492,0.18037763231627146,0.0,0.08616074369688835,0.06159198611601512,0.08288691790764466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658567699417842,0.0,0.2013220368383566,0.0,0.07602192232855773,0.0,0.0,0.14835964002556834,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ofthenightfall,2018/12/18,How to deal with splitting? I split on my partner/friends over the most insignificant things. Like my partner can tell me they don’t like a band I like or they interrupt me one time and I immediately reconsider our entire relationship. It’s so exhausting because I know I’m being irrational but I can’t help how I feel. And I know that literally every single relationship on earth has its problems but if I can’t handle a tiny disagreement how will I ever handle a serious problem if/when it comes up? I can never tell if my concerns are valid or what kind of issues would be serious if I get upset over the littlest things. ,4.050491803278689,5.968150114754102,5.707344262295084,75.87331147540984,72.44262295081967,8.814426229508197,29.41311475409836,9.3871,2.834758032786885,502,21,92,12,10,171,80,122,0.203,0.723,0.07400000000000001,-0.9252,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,2,0,5,10,0,1,5,0,11,1,0,3,2,23,17,13,0,6,7,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,0,1,19,4,8,13,2,9,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,6,6,68,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000734322197175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958214241125047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295962132577586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807605862295595,0.16586762149997614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954108014622864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209774836363193,0.0,0.10285406556753772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195475274802435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054763690942213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500505827807952,0.2163841915169384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28853552554058665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183476146674255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340111510178287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767472721082226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227196092412139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34413813845515034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615772975850621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479381952744892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984755817603173,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SeriousPenguinIssues,2018/12/18,"Everything is Awful and I'm Not OK - Questions to Ask Yourself Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up

Are you hydrated?  If not, have a glass of water.

Have you eaten in the past three hours?  If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs.  Perhaps some nuts or hummus?

Have you showered in the past day?  If not, take a shower right now.

If daytime: are you dressed?  If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t pajamas.  Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep?  Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed.  If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.

Have you stretched your legs in the past day?  If not, do so right now.  If you don’t have the spoons for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please.  If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day?  Do so, whether online or in person.  Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.

Have you moved your body to music in the past day?  If not, do so — jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite BPM, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?  If not, do so.  Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets.  Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.

Do you feel ineffective?  Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip.  Good job!

Do you feel unattractive?  Take a goddamn selfie.  Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?  Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day.  If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable.  Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.

Have you seen a therapist in the past few days?  If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.

Have you been over-exerting yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually?  That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.

Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand?  That may be screwing with your head.  Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.

Have you waited a week?  Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause.  It happens.  Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.

You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through.  You are stronger than you think.
",4.363202020202023,6.349068633333335,4.2306060606060605,86.50035353535354,71.75757575757575,7.313131313131312,28.58585858585859,8.045849151850463,1.847646464646464,2758,108,528,40,54,842,312,660,0.084,0.802,0.114,0.9832,5,1,7,0,1,0,104.0,2,39,3,2,26,24,3,3,45,4,47,19,7,8,2,113,93,62,0,19,49,0,4,1,3,5,5,4,6,1,25,25,3,6,14,9,1,18,21,9,0,3,5,15,44,15,75,79,10,104,0,1,7,4,68,38,2,38,44,339,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060081572129399866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944925347997063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328361309293103,0.16269647226211098,0.0,0.0,0.04460663417991072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936281825511623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644367908631479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595929508699478,0.12273522062482735,0.0,0.060823097069738825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418771698263319,0.0,0.33670882090581233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059376391825756214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048460481594337385,0.06525420996824137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663101757049631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042725220490563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732777671582716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014674773960693,0.0,0.13445672856452612,0.0,0.09092456216188892,0.2782456639914577,0.09890642343740268,0.04865660831713372,0.0,0.06395698242851143,0.0,0.0,0.05129865509314566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059535696491662564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712883705808702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756665134501768,0.103125120356402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543857680812712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409746607425644,0.028341089314983026,0.0,0.05122449559388366,0.051337628664505086,0.09742872614151116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489111057265717,0.1161677434079424,0.0,0.0,0.06319063983126808,0.0,0.058439659746749674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061656175048271526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339003825182285,0.0,0.0568381521727794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628199162211813,0.4430220851573886,0.0,0.05065269052250032,0.0,0.06367830927978421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901771948224285,0.0,0.055508388791937945,0.0,0.11663351746302088,0.12997048189555635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037163128760514384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981632241071192,0.05518144352246012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245400682346694,0.05281074676492757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805257728138909,0.05913458551448893,0.09830452633232244,0.3126162036011728,0.05737404848019927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898221832353908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180840692094768,0.09325357863324277,0.10140778713861502,0.0,0.06634027130300196,0.06735487374140507,0.07707943976473018,0.07434180615983953,0.0,0.0,0.033826495568683494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666800767709259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604617972060675,0.13959801143859782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291011077488183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,andamaria,2018/12/18,"I keep hurting my bf but sometimes all i see is how he's abandoning me So for the last month i ve been very very bad, to the point of questioning everything in life and intense paranoia and emptiness.

However, my stupid ass brain thinks people HAVE TO stand by me and completely understand my pain and god forbid they don't read my mind or do everything i expect of them.
That being said, my relationship has become kinda distant and although i have rational moments in which i notice that 'damn gurl you cray cray leave the man alone damn you d hate him if he acted like you', but mostly i am under this impression that people 'are supposed to' help me and give and give and give me unconditionally. And each of these perspectives happens in different mindsets and moods i have so i cant seem to make a balance out of these and generally my opposed thoughts make me feel crazy and so i just rather shut all emotion off. 
Thing is that Yesterday he told me, which genuine hurt in his speech, that he doesn't feel affection from me anymore, I'm very cold, unreasonable, not appreciative (also not sexual). And omg i didnt know i hurt him so much and idk what to do, how to manage this.

I wanna try and pay more attention to him and give him what he needs, but my crazy self just keeps saying that i already give too much generally and i dont have any effort left for other people and he SHOULD be understanding with my depression.
Im also seeing a psychiatrist for the first time in 2 days and i feel like that would be a very important moment for me in which thinga with be clearer. But how am i supposed to manage my relationship? Do you know other threads related to this?",4.291196319018404,5.900545628834357,5.204802453987732,80.97240613496933,71.23926380368098,8.528883435582822,27.45717791411043,9.065960079200117,2.2099505766871155,1329,47,256,27,25,434,176,326,0.228,0.7190000000000001,0.053,-0.9967,2,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,2,2,13,16,4,0,7,0,25,4,2,6,2,69,52,35,0,7,11,0,3,2,1,2,2,3,0,2,20,23,0,5,12,1,1,1,7,12,0,1,5,9,45,3,31,41,7,22,0,5,2,1,32,12,3,6,10,177,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689284864564042,0.10323822673157623,0.14962883958295872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361934967989791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277958574364947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811297204817105,0.0,0.10332210343690673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443625463702244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980886972438843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033404191705306,0.0,0.08057719051081039,0.0,0.0,0.09774312937122093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964359437292637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523470118801648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681590767138825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190984991336422,0.06683438863856485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957626110513888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487235278957959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272874106822617,0.0,0.0,0.0923643666840594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627067040405786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004517440996181,0.0,0.10105345517481358,0.0,0.0,0.16630867542440453,0.0,0.0,0.10282872859019238,0.07625830314995084,0.0,0.09905927722754544,0.1016457705778238,0.0,0.06607935613077996,0.09141068650916664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489490738013405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446201190930348,0.0,0.07467323131806312,0.0,0.1375446583743048,0.06936847488739603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065108806809506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954714697051767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945739231036581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843796525227039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480093799463698,0.0,0.09357846623102692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088214237690435,0.0,0.0,0.08899046855422374,0.0743972193673793,0.0,0.0,0.14909949544155962,0.08516727362154802,0.09759633802898136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252645692437401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062152555485146886,0.059945080637829364,0.0,0.07427075065141027,0.05455159376139339,0.0,0.0,0.08939404340310361,0.0,0.06351644746627681,0.0,0.0,0.1947842557508085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30876458380015925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645747317709491,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lala__,2018/12/18,"My FP/boyfriend is a wreck His problems exacerbate mine, and probably vice versa. But I think we help each other a lot of the time too. In a way it doesn’t matter to me if it’s “right” for us to be together, because I can’t leave him. I just want to get better at coping, and I want him to. ",2.8342187500000016,2.653851484375,5.031250000000004,87.48875000000002,73.21875,8.275,25.375,8.07648339933343,1.16410625,221,6,54,3,4,78,51,64,0.111,0.736,0.152,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,8,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,12,1,8,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595406149471455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26978963269749306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937467424931356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446683968030285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230011474151834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25934038781675106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288926873147621,0.29188916079908583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605088097705204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954620543357901,0.0,0.0,0.1778755899639995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669344583677041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598497157983561,0.2421324244706572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway95235,2018/12/18,"I think I fucked up (x-posted from r/depression)

So, on Saturday morning, I broke up with my best friend and abandoned all of my friends (all online but nonetheless real to me). I'm a bi dude but I had a huge crush on my best friend (which I know for a fact is unreciprocated). Basically, she kept pushing me to see what was wrong with me and I told her just the general mental illness things (I'm ADHD/depressed/potentially undiagnosed borderline) told me that she and one of our mutual friends began sexting and she didn't want to tell me and I absolutely lost it. I told her I couldn't be her friend anymore (I didn't make her choose, because I knew there was no point - she doesn't love me like that ; I love her romantically and platonically but she only loves me platonically). But she's also my favorite person (FP, BPD thing), and I never thought I could do without her. It drives me nuts sometimes when she spends time with other people and not me (I know, it's horrible. that's pne reason why I think I'm undiagnosed BPD). Now the guy she likes is pretty cool but I told her that I also have a crush on him (not true) and she got REALLY mad when I broke off our friendship because of it and needing to fix my own mental health. Fast forward to now and I still haven't slept or eaten and I honestly have no clue what to do. I'm so unequivocally sad. I lost my best friend who loves me and cares and knows everything about me and knows all our inside jokes because I was jealous of him. I'm debating just begging her to forgive me but I don't know if I should. I honestly don't know if I can sanely hold on with her giving someone else so much attention and not me. I don't really have any other friends and I miss her so, so much. Anyone have any opinions? Thanks. (to kick it all off I don't even know if she'd be willing to be friends still. she's had her own struggles with mental illness and I know she knows what I'm going through so I definitely think there's a chance. she's BPD and depressed as well - I just want to knkw wnat other people think. whether I should even try or just try to move on. this is honestly the saddest I've ever been).",1.858979591836736,3.9007891496598677,3.5693990929705244,88.17341836734695,79.27210884353741,6.558276643990929,23.198412698412696,7.62386473244151,0.9841827664399092,1689,56,362,26,42,563,191,441,0.17,0.607,0.223,0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,1,54.0,3,0,0,5,26,40,3,1,8,1,33,11,1,2,8,85,80,42,0,10,20,0,0,2,8,3,3,0,0,2,20,24,1,3,19,1,1,5,16,13,1,1,21,2,82,27,35,50,11,28,0,8,1,6,51,12,1,6,15,250,102,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652875123711087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515507506426037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979235153911124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140361571017455,0.050343342722825146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166968233532522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667538084300096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720404865060813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734077321210577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748530619157849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402518722462047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060145887395222634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510926020832126,0.06512717594578686,0.0,0.0,0.06470801737050051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450097063125058,0.06656187283295915,0.0,0.06906795732956435,0.040918664796660134,0.0,0.05758414077425895,0.0,0.0,0.07129028415760243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653152132011175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561186798384821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035010427119234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719072692286054,0.0,0.2599274681865767,0.0,0.04805986090177894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767403400845148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652349377614928,0.10585503104833957,0.05338631212415765,0.05553003194926046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878835460410396,0.054758448943450014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983001843316316,0.06286670953735125,0.0,0.0,0.06806228368501974,0.0,0.06895509561979796,0.07324882034842581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195057227291506,0.09224874719137098,0.07402691616050068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737384463272813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100448011143428,0.0,0.07120880655262284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499691540006765,0.0,0.0,0.07526893941000673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293025931205917,0.0662869635141593,0.0,0.0,0.09566581164802178,0.184536090230257,0.0,0.05715912714540745,0.04198316910013476,0.0,0.0,0.2751923441249371,0.0,0.0977651273134284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493369704103568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473570640743682,0.0,0.06496785729888238,0.0,0.0,0.06940442240450466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871955365600641,0.0,0.0
bpd,katiehanna_,2018/12/18,I am not a worthless mess after all! ❤️ I got a job as a trainee teacher for the next academic year ! I can’t believe the first interview I attended offered me a place there and on the spot. I want to literally cry because I’m so happy!!!,0.6629411764705893,2.5120623529411823,3.889960784313725,85.34082352941176,82.33333333333333,7.217254901960787,29.807843137254906,8.238735603445708,2.326518431372549,184,10,40,4,5,67,41,51,0.063,0.696,0.24,0.8237,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,6,1,5,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,26,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974326673099568,0.0,0.0,0.3691694354062297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35992772311533905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27871408722624524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26206589518889184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488084960129717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32515975945311354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484784525367885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423431398635715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326697461734926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100733831007976
bpd,White_Liquorice,2018/12/18,"FP cut me out of her life. My fault. I feel so empty. I told her everyone leaves. She said she never would. That made me so happy. My love and trust and need for her increased exponentially. I got even more clingy. I stopped respecting boundaries. I took advantage of our friendship to try to fill the aching holes in my spirit.

She hasn't spoken to me or responded to my texts in over a week. I just now sent her a text saying how I don't want to be a burden on her anymore and that I won't try to get in touch with her until she reaches out first. Then I deleted her contact from my phone, along with all our texts and call history.

I think I made the right move, but I feel so fucking awful. I just need somebody to hold me, but there's nobody. I want to die.

I know it will get better, and I'll find someone else, but I also know I'll push them away too. What's the point? I feel like I'm hardwired for self-destruction.",0.7790206185567001,2.8195458195876317,2.365164948453611,95.38228350515465,83.0721649484536,5.323298969072165,19.49381443298969,6.508806274219699,-0.04903628865979348,715,19,164,7,20,233,118,194,0.121,0.7509999999999999,0.128,0.0766,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,2,0,1,3,12,11,2,0,6,1,6,3,0,3,2,35,28,16,1,5,6,0,4,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,4,10,0,2,7,0,0,6,4,4,0,1,7,6,40,7,25,17,3,23,1,0,0,2,23,10,1,1,8,106,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271804255281873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772022596839227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494188449304404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406537476413984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239276323520466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650534727157315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285353769126101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504127740974856,0.0,0.0,0.15196498898714714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412389904102199,0.11361480862459344,0.0,0.0,0.14535532997439185,0.135275295558014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702551852143514,0.1661786999608553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719501113187578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929597230224924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480321968777174,0.0,0.0,0.1683953583470648,0.0,0.0,0.11233129461893336,0.07769658603556794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435355150087215,0.30096598248548195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902929368806918,0.0,0.2358452335528285,0.1226577828021868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503397083741306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581522767003018,0.15127893379676974,0.12647120760448394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659084416495375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475004441390892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296058339549985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019033614788378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196498898714714,0.17669400546997102,0.2159489798708524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876062123242634,0.0,0.12756847823299353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297407293605233,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,confusedbpdlove,2018/12/18,"I told my BFpwBPD that I'd be happy to marry him some day and he freaked out and is cutting me out of his life. Help? So my boyfriend has BPD and has been struggling with depression badly lately. He has been saying really negative stuff like assuming I don't truly love him, that I'd rather be with one of my ex's, etc. I've tried convincing him I truly love only him and want to be with him. I'm really good to him and have stuck by his side through all kinds of issues and troubles. BPD has been difficult to deal with but I love him so much and have worked through everything.

I thought to myself ""hey, if I tell him how I love him so much I'd be happy to marry him some day if he wants. that might help him understand that I really do care about him and want to be with him, not someone else like he imagines."" Well that backfired. He went off super upset saying he isn't tied down to anybody, isn't getting married for 15 years, that it's all his fault things got this serious, that I'm a good person, and never to mention marriage ever again. Then he said just hearing me mention marriage makes him feel something horrible he can't stand so he must cut me out of his life now. He then blocked me on everything after saying he will temporarily unblock me on Snapchat to make arrangements to meet up one last time to say goodbye in person on Friday and that we are truly done forever now.

I am distraught and feeling heartbroken. I truly love him and we've been through so much and I guess I got too close? We've spoken of marriage some before without issue but this time things went very wrong over such an innocent comment. Perhaps things can be salvaged when we meet Friday, I don't know.

I'm feeling so sad now and honestly betrayed that I'd be cut off for something like this. I certainly didn't intend to upset him and I'd be fine not mentioning marriage again but I had no warning. Not sure what to do.

Any advice? Thanks so much...",2.7902160864345724,4.672368489795918,3.8671848739495793,87.87193277310928,75.83673469387755,6.856662665066028,25.81512605042017,7.724431198458867,1.4055747899159663,1536,56,310,22,34,497,186,392,0.223,0.638,0.139,-0.9902,0,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,0,2,21,38,3,4,2,0,35,7,0,4,7,65,66,31,0,7,11,1,3,3,0,3,2,6,0,2,18,26,0,1,8,0,0,2,13,16,1,2,15,9,46,22,45,40,10,35,0,2,0,5,63,14,0,8,21,206,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585425810248372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059746757123032526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335813384767992,0.0,0.0,0.07476106777772723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130927809652048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957754272754657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332286063301418,0.090578201564212,0.07567235212759306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990969563681392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339445917150521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798539334096937,0.0,0.0794729957926959,0.0,0.0,0.15792301501051514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327161278447974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045902412616947164,0.0,0.0,0.14738299476466935,0.14053685304236627,0.0,0.09678598521636096,0.0,0.0,0.18705390225908966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902285573719098,0.0,0.11777933082148866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834027857849094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149105309272006,0.04828470507212447,0.07161636105743371,0.09910815567187232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411403956364415,0.12876959870210378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964783956468759,0.0,0.11729239193248675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320392868661792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25834427226333945,0.0,0.06776185104579735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907031569776945,0.06682030840888747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342921507057178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688531137183961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357350299438962,0.2794742554607588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444217749081214,0.13527545058627893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184872548491207,0.10057690248606374,0.0,0.0,0.08280554704622217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679215566945025,0.08088825434188296,0.0,0.0,0.17510774579578348,0.0,0.0,0.06974979346444396,0.10246193460120062,0.0,0.0,0.08395251171733811,0.0,0.05965011870098678,0.0,0.0,0.0914637423856867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249242050304758,0.155463566082286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899529571553979,0.16289132217492022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469240819437847,0.0,0.06396199619956222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605942013690844,0.0,0.05657795966462999
bpd,thesleepykiddo,2018/12/18,"how to cope with jealousy/ paranoia? I've been kind of talking to this guy (different than the dumb ex in my last post), and my mind is constantly filled with thoughts like ""he's talking to other girls"" and ""he only talks to you bc he pities you"". I would really appreciate hearing how you guys cope with these sorts of things!! thanks (:",3.2584895833333327,5.587901203125004,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,76.03125,6.766666666666668,24.729166666666664,7.793537801064563,1.2337791666666664,263,9,53,4,6,80,48,64,0.1,0.737,0.163,0.6885,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,11,6,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,3,11,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,14,1,1,1,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380794234828305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301795538408258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362878021873823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24830807253419654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942144900235145,0.0,0.17958400051883736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763350412616704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245270737763212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675574983535825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109983672605003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113775685648866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5312362553736402,0.0,0.20283404651139764,0.0,0.0,0.14636576078206226,0.0,0.0,0.17490342654609534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650359901200775,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helpmeplzthroaway,2018/12/18,"Why is everyone evil I’ve been having a good week and out of no where fuck everyone is evil. The cute girls I’ve been meeting. My ex. My “friends” my co workers my family. What the FUCK do they want from me. I know they want bad things but what exactly do I can stop them in their tracks. 

How the fuck do you meet people who aren’t bad and evil? Who aren’t out to exploit and manipulate you? I don’t know anyone who isn’t. Everyone I’ve ever met is bad. ",-0.7912794348508605,1.3338190714285716,1.558163265306124,97.31815541601259,92.9795918367347,5.464364207221347,16.722135007849296,7.010146845296331,-0.07497739403453751,351,9,85,6,13,118,57,98,0.33399999999999996,0.596,0.071,-0.9872,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,4,1,3,12,6,0,4,0,14,3,0,2,2,15,22,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,14,3,6,19,0,7,0,0,0,3,15,4,3,0,3,52,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486414130942446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473092488358645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153176290162186,0.0,0.5119096272560685,0.0,0.0,0.16834508807818713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796698790691658,0.4952705151698049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978065648964475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962808487006092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380176657309393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929711362989545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863762692384285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065691262601532,0.0,0.14324249415852586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161136612620286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Insane_Cat_Lady,2018/12/18,"Sleeping and BPD Does anyone else have a problem falling to sleep, then when they eventually do, you sleep for like 12 to 14 hours.   This is my problem at the moment.   ",3.0377083333333315,5.3122831875,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,76.5,5.5166666666666675,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.9850291666666672,130,5,25,1,3,41,29,32,0.192,0.74,0.068,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268688744512902,0.2383958790820225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29303722276581595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360934979638784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436427308426613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291311295643841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366984070101785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452637399659901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6985081418557652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SiriusLeeBlackk,2018/12/18,"Anyone have any coping techniques? I’m not sure about anyone else and how their episodes go but a few times a year my boyfriend and I will get into an argument (usually over nothing) and I’ll spiral out of control. I need coping techniques! 

Every single time I get so worked up and upset and I can not control it. Every time I sit there and I try and think ‘Okay. This is just your BPD acting up. You’re going to regret this later’ but then it’s like ‘no this isn’t a BPD episode. He’s wrong. He’s a jerk this time. You’re in the right he’s wrong. You won’t regret this. He needs to apologize’ even though every single time after it’s over I realize I overreacted and I realize I’m wrong. I also get really mean and nasty and I really don’t want to but I’ll tell my boyfriend he’s abusive and that this is such an abusive relationship, I’ll threaten to break up with him, I’ll tell him I hate him. I hate that side of me and again I try and rationalize and tell myself I’ll regret it but every time I think ‘no not this time. He’s being a jerk this time. Your feelings are valid’ and again I always regret it.

My boyfriend is amazing. He’s so good to me. I’m the abusive one, I scream at him, throw things, and act like a complete bitch- but I don’t want to. I want to change and learn how to control it. I don’t want to be this person. But no matter what I do, when the situation arises I always think it’s different than every other time and that I’m right this time. How can I calm down and keep myself ‘normal’ when every time I think it’s different and it’s not my fault. 

Anyone have advice or tips?",-0.09126797933249264,2.1259638621700923,2.1101529116045263,94.39475317693059,89.26392961876833,4.772545733836057,16.623446446027092,6.3073786221475325,-0.3522459712330681,1251,29,279,13,42,420,139,341,0.25,0.6679999999999999,0.081,-0.9971,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,1,4,16,22,5,1,11,1,17,0,0,6,1,64,41,37,0,11,12,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,25,23,0,4,9,0,0,5,12,15,0,1,0,2,40,7,25,37,3,40,0,4,0,0,21,13,1,1,22,172,65,2,0.0,0.26879213159221216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389502399997719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047331548004167,0.1258438555177183,0.0,0.0,0.05142421761139851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862586230429038,0.07748166325928724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048157631085397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999597124440727,0.0,0.07928616902982756,0.0,0.2544429014773668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801368546189162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317083673904375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994632059804239,0.0,0.3822788508458357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03823576233679316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852504314709247,0.0,0.08595321826292614,0.06342649844066782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931825979984456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672145625404776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388825976226576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237238799300735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214259705353248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409157964032953,0.07255946403957733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051242093465350164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602849864711352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688826286517284,0.0,0.0,0.08118761867113165,0.0,0.12915819515107865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500008883562317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127098901731481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982857336940816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050238591787784566,0.1938170626995013,0.07429630144036778,0.0,0.4850411623231332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268208124865012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328478615177186,0.0,0.17841062595574353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055052286848849566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480359150492289,0.0,0.048696823893078695
bpd,nikkiroseb,2018/12/18,"I see different people in the mirror. Every time I look at my reflection it's someone new. I'm a girl, yet sometimes I look like a boy. I see different facial structures, different skin, I even feel like my nose changes. I don't feel like I have different personalities for the different people, but it's so off-putting to not know what you look like and never see anyone familiar. Can anyone give me advice or at least let me know that this isn't uncommon?",3.995571428571431,5.613362144444443,5.419841269841272,79.105,72.0,9.142857142857146,28.41269841269841,9.606745405546679,2.7202698412698405,363,14,69,9,7,122,60,90,0.0,0.893,0.107,0.7579,5,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,5,3,3,0,1,10,17,4,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,12,4,5,16,1,7,0,0,6,0,5,3,0,1,8,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426035298381086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782799233588975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451958042690262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6642814112819551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398870575855345,0.0,0.10713870924146797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859294354046047,0.1816878272369476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198451197688052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976882751276878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300308378456812,0.0,0.2484979567615131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203498872294984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807447779393952,0.12281298056800713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763149881660067,0.11103216569608174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783202533850058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039927938377695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774318544398688,0.0,0.12576557714498401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414865868243409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ObsessiveWeirdo,2018/12/18,"Adderall XR vs IR I have found that Adderall IR (immediate release) while not perfect, works better for me than any of the other ADHD meds.  But the doctor will only prescribe the XR.  Anyone have experience with IR vs XR?",3.683780487804878,6.266146097560978,5.1001829268292695,76.75320121951222,75.82926829268294,6.051219512195122,27.32317073170732,7.1686216300943375,1.763921951219512,174,7,28,2,4,58,32,41,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.6602,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,17,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068232088319569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301983917597099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366940460483931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29938456515204964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34647930444927755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311277116119581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711587165181115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760082718519534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25745209067897584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643929424587604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scarletfuego,2018/12/18,"Brace yourselves... This is dark, but I’m feeling dark... who fantasizes about how people they know will react when they find out you’re dead? Doesn’t have to be suicide. Could be. But could also be a car accident, illness, etc. I do it from time to time. Like tonight. Usually I end up feeling remorseful. Tonight though I’ve ended up feeling angry at those people I’d have left behind if I were dead. Obviously I’ve got issues (who here doesn’t), but I feel like I’m in a decline. I feel like I’m getting closer to not caring.  I’m feeling angrier lately. I have so much intense anger. How do you cope (or at least pass time in a non-anger-fueled, completely counterproductive way) when you feel so much anger? So much misunderstanding? Like everyone else is valid and you’re, just, not? Please help. ",1.8674910394265247,4.47233041935484,3.1463978494623674,87.84181899641581,83.51612903225806,6.025089605734768,22.80465949820789,7.3871296695380915,1.0591648745519708,625,22,123,10,18,202,92,155,0.319,0.568,0.113,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,2,2,0,12,7,2,0,3,0,16,1,0,3,1,25,31,15,3,3,8,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,7,10,5,13,23,5,23,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,15,71,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219367075098816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303986035475705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709638908710848,0.0,0.0,0.22402790366915806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719827169892452,0.0,0.2485190354716948,0.0,0.15646574524742018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405765760960442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965607305523204,0.2004532124865245,0.0,0.0,0.12822687111888764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329822286647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122065376085343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403662190546837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643128215259416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710233235347959,0.0,0.1582586027218925,0.0,0.1524306697722683,0.0,0.0,0.2741637372558829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30939837851208096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945254468881245,0.0,0.0,0.1540015193157376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345969923149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783889167723612,0.0,0.2454210124117468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545148600156082,0.0,0.0,0.11135945215665714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PsychoCunt420,2018/12/18,"Either someone's playing piano music nearby or I really am starting to lose it. And by ""it"" I mean my grip on reality. ",0.625,3.0402148333333368,5.23,71.81500000000003,88.16666666666666,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.193016666666667,92,4,15,2,3,36,22,24,0.115,0.809,0.077,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547147672803471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5401118472159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176458756670959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420121076862171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509559771622247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,empresscalledwind,2018/12/18,How to forgive yourself for self harm and self destruction? I socially self-harmed and self-destructed for 2 1/2 years. I am newly diagnosed and in a lot of pain and very ashamed,4.046372549019608,6.318515205882356,4.794705882352943,80.87284313725492,73.41176470588233,9.239215686274509,31.92156862745098,9.725611199111238,3.369933333333334,143,7,27,4,3,46,26,34,0.35600000000000004,0.59,0.054000000000000006,-0.9152,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429714874822287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794990649781422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466207333990051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8810376316848734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215225109877328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742081357465209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596374364548475
bpd,Brittni318,2018/12/18,Recently diagnosed Im very new to this diagnosis. Been told years before i'e had this too. Im just wondering how would everyone describe disassociation. I don't think I ever had it but now im wondering if certain times I was,2.452272727272728,5.158206954545456,5.5420000000000025,71.00300000000003,81.72727272727272,9.883636363636363,29.25454545454545,9.888512548439397,3.875223636363636,182,9,33,7,5,66,34,44,0.0,0.9309999999999999,0.069,0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,10,10,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,3,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419563927346765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207779331074056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517457974577808,0.0,0.1956119927379076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6633753319779857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977130389488289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021293374773248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117178988676614,0.0,0.0,0.11936976510366115,0.0,0.0,0.1956119927379076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890961977099386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440049150580817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542220337743714,0.0,0.0,0.13182842548304094
bpd,7749297737774,2018/12/18,"My FP my just made fun of my fear of abandonment The only person other than professionals who knows about my bpd, who knows I struggle with fear of abandonment, who claims to understand and not judge me for it, who claims to care about me. I feel absolutely fucking.... fucked. 
Long story short I’ve been feeling weird and not like myself at all, suicidal, empty, unable to explain how I feel. I opened up to him for the first time in a while. 

earlier tonight we were on the phone, I waited 40 minutes on the line while he finished playing his video game, and when he did we weren’t really talking and I hung up because I felt overwhelmed and didn’t know what to say (this happened earlier too and he was fine about it, understanding even) and he asked why I hung up and then he ignored me. He told me I hung up so he decided to stay off his phone which is unlike him for this time of night. The way he said it made me feel extremely abandoned. I told him how I felt he was abandoning me and neglecting me. Blah blah blah big one sided back and forth of me explaining what he did and how it made me feel, BEGGING for care and for him to just be gentle with me considering everything I told him earlier. He blamed me for him not being able to care for me because I was stressing him out and “going off at him” - ok fair enough. 

I ended that conversation because I wasn’t getting what I wanted and continuing it was just making me feel like shit. 

Then he said some things like “this whole time I wanted you to stop this conversation so I could think of something else to talk about” “do you not understand that I asked you to stop so I could think of other things to help calm this down” and at this point it had been 5 minutes since I replied because I was (still am) crying, after that one he said “Okay goodnight then lmao guess I got abandoned” and replied asking if he was serious, why he’d say something like that and why he is being so horrible. His response was “what? You stopped messaging me. You abandoned me”

He has never once said anything like this or anything remotely similar to making fun of one of my symptoms. I’ve blocked him now and I’m just.....like....idek how I feel right now. I feel so ashamed of myself and embarrassed for even being alive, for being me. I feel stupid and guilty for having symptoms like fear of abandonment. I feel absolutely broken rn, Im already in the most depressive state I’ve been in ever and feel so suicidal and want to hurt myself so badly and i just can’t stop crying. This hurts SO bad. We were partners for a year and a half and I ended things two weeks ago because of how toxic he is, and how he just can’t care for me or love me the way I need (which I keep telling him is ok and it doesn’t mean he’s doing anything wrong it’s just not right for me) and he kept promising me over and over he’d change those things. And yeah, I gave in. And earlier during the little argument when I told him about how I needed him to just care and be nice and gentle to me, and tried to explain I was just trying to explain what he did and how it affected me and what I needed and I also said how it feels like hes only willing to give me care if I’m perfect and don’t say anything about his actions or say one thing out of line, and how I feel that he retracts his care as punishment. and he said “that’s just how i work” so not only do I feel like a worthless good for nothing piece of shit I ALSO feel manipulated into staying in contact with him yet again and just.....I feel fucking stupid and don’t see any point in living anymore. Fuck this ",3.113410313955452,4.557692896836317,4.105806124665172,88.34294336253288,73.95185694635488,7.137517797244143,25.27157991264268,7.731754440074428,1.1940395231545171,2804,91,594,37,57,907,269,727,0.207,0.6940000000000001,0.099,-0.9978,1,0,2,0,0,3,67.0,3,5,0,3,49,63,9,8,12,4,47,9,2,18,4,154,127,77,2,10,20,0,18,11,1,1,2,10,0,2,45,52,0,17,32,3,0,2,15,35,0,7,38,29,101,28,82,78,6,73,0,13,1,5,93,32,6,8,42,399,146,2,0.048412199831920966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291449412600881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342406636013525,0.0774304374294823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032921956010776424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801189348711038,0.0,0.0,0.1593564618996493,0.0,0.1357766150287545,0.0,0.0,0.037225993363991794,0.08084432936143217,0.14755813835872952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060973470938907134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34551624962838395,0.0,0.05121368819355557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730640445847098,0.0,0.10635705650718524,0.0,0.0,0.0416973567761422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044218084177049,0.0,0.0857576790977617,0.05002274382312539,0.0,0.06395160280530594,0.04379160639871989,0.0,0.0,0.043509763572264964,0.0,0.0,0.16343155261090733,0.3916586057418631,0.10375705569941776,0.09296660777078547,0.0,0.0,0.04117939244564822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790251945632633,0.025293376272317758,0.04644139344622583,0.027513768824063617,0.040605856317751716,0.03871965874420747,0.0,0.05333149615453077,0.0,0.04281074842762248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03244967706196172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365252241000857,0.0,0.05229348339367556,0.0,0.0,0.04303098761682852,0.0,0.0,0.07981823681765934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286579898886498,0.048521742572823344,0.04274885940420346,0.042843273408165634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436939004867856,0.1374263821169548,0.06463103862939969,0.0,0.0,0.05273507813966809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769109823983816,0.037338473027827744,0.0,0.0,0.045431570009900966,0.0,0.04645281142297799,0.0,0.0,0.05155741281771736,0.13122143809475634,0.11045897852835217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04227166554763583,0.0,0.0,0.09153035409407197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031014094877553706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268750827338933,0.2763065299342027,0.15399729771905304,0.0,0.0,0.03857825531739908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938885485092304,0.040047071978834135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454015327339979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320192714534916,0.038662045322360006,0.16189906725718514,0.0554560113397162,0.05061094267984057,0.0,0.10591017799626101,0.0,0.0,0.10063762465122268,0.0,0.07782378480672288,0.04231439650718263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081457197651053,0.06204116570668568,0.0,0.0,0.0846886291277736,0.0,0.0,0.18503972639458385,0.0,0.06573741165123184,0.0,0.047291684668020535,0.1511964221188711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566430933314018,0.0768547016483238,0.038833346526289385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105344093696605,0.05405049221301203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035244658064155644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293114064175464,0.0,0.031175869435437063
bpd,lavenderhead,2018/12/18,"How to stop threatening death? I cope poorly when I feel helpless and have made threats of suicide in the past. I really do feel like dying when I feel helpless, but I understand that voicing it to others is abusive. What’s a good alternative?",4.18391304347826,6.4240215217391325,5.0558695652173915,79.29728260869571,72.91304347826087,8.078260869565218,31.06521739130435,8.841846274778883,2.851060869565217,194,9,34,4,4,63,37,46,0.377,0.52,0.10300000000000001,-0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,8,5,3,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,2,4,7,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,23,9,0,0.0,0.35044676336713765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069692894145847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486604265083052,0.21130277658884647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24808327861283486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445014480025794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279870857187742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823521182040486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948198703716088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728238148227155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235314629271205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079137470570691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwitawaylove17,2018/12/18,"No emotional connection?? Wtf Okay, I’m going to make this short and sweet because it’s all I can think about and I need help/answers..

I was seeing a therapist for a short amount oof time while I had insurance, she told me that once my kids get a certain age I will no longer have an emotional connection with them? That I will eventually abuse them? 
I can’t find anything on the internet to support that statement but I’m scared out of my mind.. 

Please help, is this true? 

I know my emotions are crazy but I TRY VERY VERY hard to not let them effect my daughter, I feel like even if her statement may be true in some cases if I watch myself around the kids that would never happen. 
",2.301055586749019,4.4389430583941625,3.1623357664233613,91.16035934868052,78.27007299270073,6.55115103874228,22.947220662549128,7.61054688173877,0.9292205502526668,537,17,113,8,13,170,97,137,0.134,0.679,0.187,0.7012,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,3,1,3,8,0,1,6,1,13,0,0,2,5,28,26,7,0,4,5,1,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,5,22,7,11,17,3,11,0,0,2,0,10,6,0,4,5,73,29,0,0.0,0.19529075829996356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563699051028433,0.14672925930644062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047583423322608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562180645240612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886540576287533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334050900259912,0.11775106459662965,0.0,0.0,0.15064713003947355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611429738147229,0.0,0.09367388699284082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575426710646314,0.0,0.1476508898521441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095754322089545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058354919720443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685448036840964,0.0,0.08052520469793195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100220156590336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642633669340975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222157026318966,0.12712325691400464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553332270881525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092843336342715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501865135532648,0.0,0.13134424266232786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704153879947089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137461285098287,0.0,0.10561325099579437,0.0,0.0,0.09611082515596517,0.0,0.0,0.15749742002186734,0.0,0.11190540470111188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719958930785001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708700231140355,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnhappyTitle,2018/12/18,"I don't know if I'll ever gain control of my substance abuse (CW/TW drugs) I've been abusing drugs/alcohol since I was around 11/12. It started with Adderall I was prescribed, then booze & weed, working up to opioids. I love getting wasted, so much. Nothing is better for escaping reality & numbing myself. I take my uppers to get through the day/work, then I get low at night to even myself out. It's been this way for years. 

​

I'm horrified about the prospect of getting sober. I've tried, like really given it an effort. But I've literally grown up & spent my most formative years using substances to augment my reality. I want to get help, but I have shit insurance; the last therapist I saw through workplace assistance basically said it was all subclinical and that he didn't think I was borderline and I just need to do something with my life. Which is true, I'm so fucking stagnant. I go to work at a shit job, then come home & get loaded, completely disregarding everything else. 

​

I turned 21 a month ago, and I have been fucked up literally everyday. I've worked up to about 8-12 drinks a day somehow. I can feel myself becoming dependent on this shit; it's definitely not my substance of choice, but fuck it's so convenient & cheap & easy. I'm a shell & a complete fucking mess. The borderline part of me that craves extremes is so badly hooked on the feeling of not being sober. I've become a worthless, directionless piece of trash, and I don't know what to do. 

​

anyways sorry that's my sad drunken rant ",3.8846153846153832,6.050385505016728,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,73.54849498327759,7.9444816053511715,30.56354515050167,8.730908602173464,2.633786622073578,1242,57,229,25,26,403,170,299,0.20199999999999999,0.7190000000000001,0.079,-0.9921,1,0,6,0,1,0,66.0,0,0,0,7,12,17,7,0,12,0,19,13,3,3,3,32,50,15,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,13,9,2,2,5,1,2,3,5,13,0,0,12,4,27,4,33,37,5,29,0,3,1,5,4,12,7,4,14,131,40,4,0.0,0.15397005965511273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759662633018056,0.06943876705002411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7040064105668279,0.2368560708920231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784173558756514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054251608040305585,0.0,0.14352008662792187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057465316083044976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055970412511074256,0.13625059747509666,0.0,0.07287525212740494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380730390216845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365099494663931,0.07535064548467346,0.0,0.054278472235545314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042915530580156236,0.058773820862000475,0.0,0.0,0.0583955524869498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570686321524741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24027423472991374,0.20368127432765284,0.0,0.036926923972153684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043551531069781775,0.0,0.06517545946219051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447789588391074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714173809097653,0.05296348946700719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589393073089165,0.03174361828232775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864268729012601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051862613473116284,0.0,0.04776427460447165,0.04817831419375504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060974857440246964,0.0,0.062345491331192784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036184879452588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162479996586086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180632861273811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008843809592264,0.05374818665250974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002111107352437,0.0,0.07273445709802998,0.045989806464577024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885329120206066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754412569587156,0.0,0.04163350764201496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044113920155644526,0.07067439865633232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561177421090102,0.0,0.0,0.0383240776415101,0.05157431798634722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921098262937405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368560708920231,0.08368384337090935
bpd,Roomba_Rockett,2018/12/18,"When I'm too afraid to kill myself, I cling lovingly to my husband. When I want to die more than anything in this world, I loathe him for being one of the reasons I live. My self loathing is the only consistent thing about me and I don't know how much longer I can keep subjecting my husband to it. I've been told that he's a big boy and that he should decide whether he wants to stay with me or not, and yet I love him to pieces, so hurting him hurts me...and I don't know if I can do that just yet. I'm in DBT and counseling and not drinking and trying really fucking hard to get better, but it's going to take time. Fuck.
Help?",3.026143790849673,3.3395031176470624,4.1856862745098065,91.96781045751636,72.97058823529412,7.515032679738562,24.669934640522875,7.3871296695380915,0.7895924836601309,488,13,117,5,9,160,88,136,0.165,0.767,0.068,-0.9071,0,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,3,1,3,0,9,5,0,2,0,23,24,14,2,4,7,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,7,1,1,4,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,1,18,3,15,20,3,11,0,2,0,4,14,4,2,2,5,76,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027055263570632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150164402337375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951793067980766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788859964287001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376356954972734,0.09540497034522616,0.0,0.1037801466472495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358060387334514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239807151395905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909705734919105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231008677170655,0.20202833048131555,0.0,0.2007127988664052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124591750188458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32962110200933264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423764802856544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373968262779657,0.138881361104212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698314887741568,0.1877510972842756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049962431196465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946354787290323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729824149376452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131642138492027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106480000449181,0.0,0.0,0.17448945347684827,0.0,0.12397862075893976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541346908590212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anon120,2018/12/18,"I think I may be going through a very deep depression and I’m terrified for myself. I don’t know what to do and I’m so scared. I can’t stop crying as I write this. Why are things so hard all the time? My emotions are all over the place and I’m struggling with coping. One moment I’m okay and the next I burst into tears for hours. It’s been going on for a couple of weeks or so. Everything hurts. I practice my DBT techniques. I try the mindfulness. I keep a mood journal. I write out my feelings and nothing brings me relief. I don’t know why I can’t feel happy anymore. I fell myself every morning that today will be a good day and then I get to work and I want to die. And when I get off work, all I want to do is cry in bed. I’m so scared that my life is going to be this and only this forever. I feel so broken. Just taking a breath takes work. Everything hurts. I don’t know how to cope with my emotions anymore. My meds don’t work. My support system is not equipped for this kind of behavior from me. I just feel like a burden. I’m so tired. ",-0.9621017479039368,1.139608466960354,1.4050135000710569,98.03165553502916,94.2863436123348,4.16251243427597,16.573681966747195,5.843745405466311,-0.5766997584197813,810,21,189,7,31,272,117,227,0.23,0.7,0.07,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,4,10,15,0,3,10,1,19,3,1,1,3,37,45,20,1,2,4,0,5,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,13,0,2,8,0,0,5,7,7,0,1,1,5,31,7,23,39,3,24,0,3,0,0,2,8,0,2,11,118,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253723089209499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572466714863306,0.24962497471064554,0.07327917140603499,0.0,0.09786564213576253,0.0,0.11792552924955906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556272200964517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573454625695957,0.0,0.2042388909222785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298102560475485,0.08117421716244543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872946882274076,0.0,0.1937282980308157,0.09530383962570553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120956662135462,0.10178630178965968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189841859712513,0.0,0.2432773069791096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099573595193698,0.0,0.11832367316267517,0.18733712648121728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025718666362418,0.0555117737201961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621252887974282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147295580093446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084221263754262,0.0,0.0,0.10902691610232636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699570964453395,0.0864174590360188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871466428194828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275182799723842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499616644388252,0.0,0.11878624419888514,0.0,0.0,0.1289410889057965,0.0,0.0,0.1708647591825044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548786094889291,0.07280675551369795,0.0,0.0,0.06625605483566427,0.13059601809095156,0.10770387023749234,0.0,0.0,0.07714438637117342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937530958538757,0.13403875431901335,0.0,0.09114367643203662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505902760621014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33088342858965203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,butternut634,2018/12/18,tickled i dont know why i'm so tickled by the fact that me and pete davidson were born on the same day & year and also have BPD. i'm WEAK \*Dry laugh\* \*Sobs\* ,-0.3141666666666687,1.6545281388888888,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,87.05555555555556,4.711111111111111,20.11111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.1165888888888884,127,4,30,1,4,43,30,36,0.105,0.895,0.0,-0.5622,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084867367187764,0.0,0.4179634880035588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858427176907237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877893534322806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520999390825112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199989929843666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480823103725026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484124472438208
bpd,DongMeister2210,2018/12/18,"I hate the person my BPD makes me, manic or depressive. When I'm in a depressive episode im whiny, needy and a drag to be around. I break down easily and am always one minor inconvenience away from ""suicide"". By suicide i mean anouncing im committing suicide then either forgetting i was suicidal in the first place or slowly coming to realisation that im acting like an idiot then being embarrassed.

On the flip side when I'm manic im loud, obnoxious, annoying and overshare. Thats worse than depressive me, its so fucking embarrassing to slowly come back to reality and realise ive just behaved like a fucking moron around people for an extended period of time. i wish i didnt feel this way, i wish i was normal so much i fucking hate it, everythings so extreme i cant deal with the constantly flip-flopping",4.283151364764265,6.375121870967742,6.036774193548387,73.01823821339953,72.2258064516129,9.414392059553348,30.632754342431763,9.851270322608157,3.471635235732012,650,29,110,18,13,223,100,155,0.319,0.602,0.079,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,15,8,2,9,0,8,3,0,1,1,21,22,13,4,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,13,0,2,3,2,14,2,17,17,2,23,0,3,0,3,2,9,3,2,11,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906973100433289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406745594964647,0.0,0.0,0.10240974096788856,0.08381480618791701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372825595110214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778889419790465,0.0,0.11779102801037555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237493026584257,0.28164641646242644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796279619549234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551140264597965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927159354223362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023081581401427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523123951475046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709578205396189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650446740765508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275881026840157,0.0,0.0,0.11873371142477895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801280525524452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067975379901298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386169184305942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556735739533414,0.0951752024579318,0.1138825265839732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769162748882266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355918177261842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651967806875611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506908396366914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110810203210536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trydmtbro,2018/12/18,"I don't even feel alive any more My whole life is spent trying to make it to the next day, doing anything to stop myself from committing suicide for the sake of my friends and adoptive family. We live below the poverty line and as I fall further in psychosis, the prospect of getting my own job is fading away. I can't afford treatment and I'm not a citizen so my monetary assistance was cut off long ago. Every second is painful. I'm so terribly ashamed of my condition and the state I'm in. Fuck BPD.",3.4893316831683165,5.083971336633667,4.638700495049509,84.29191212871288,73.25742574257426,7.822277227722773,30.446782178217827,8.472884824447931,2.363127722772278,399,18,78,7,8,131,74,101,0.244,0.698,0.057999999999999996,-0.9696,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,6,0,7,3,0,1,1,10,15,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,2,1,10,1,14,13,3,14,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,6,50,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787809442629265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594741734624969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929809398250508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032894137567036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29535589798913864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123891575103446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548909942598751,0.0,0.19758396141781973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210742308000973,0.0,0.11857480538541013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181181085088517,0.2167998077224953,0.12252128256849215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327140143960277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564065421781315,0.0,0.0,0.20707575873433212,0.2075331007962748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653659008098447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494030004104653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495341285874409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606003913268014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256514802639476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921622921208795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618209430839931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDphyscopath,2018/12/18,"Old FP who left me for her ex is trying to get back into my life She keeps messaging me wanting to hang out like “old times” she says, but i just cant bring myself to seeing her again after all she did to me. I sent her my location while i was staying at a friends place but then left when she said she was at the gate to the apartments. 

She is very toxic and would block me from messaging her when she is around her ex. I know she still has feelings for her ex. One time i dropped her off at a friends she said but it ended up being her exes place. She literally hung out w me all day and had me drop her off at her exes place. I got her a job at where i worked at the time, spent a day replacing her transmission in her car after it blew out, and much more and she just left with no reason.

I do not believe that i will ever bring myself to seeing her again but if i do, i am scared about what will happen to me. Last time she left, i spiraled into my lowest point ever in my life, i got arrested and attempted to kill myself. She brought me so much joy when i was around her but i think i should trust my gut and not listen to her when she says it will be different",3.862642762284196,3.5610143346613583,4.8985498007968165,89.74628419654718,70.99203187250995,8.127596281540505,24.303054448871183,7.554174236665415,0.797434847277557,902,19,215,9,15,297,122,251,0.10300000000000001,0.821,0.076,-0.7982,3,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,17,7,1,1,7,0,20,3,1,1,4,37,39,19,1,4,10,3,1,1,2,5,2,5,1,0,6,14,0,2,4,0,1,6,4,2,0,1,12,8,62,5,34,20,5,61,0,0,2,0,44,28,0,1,25,166,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682168590093124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500431654880812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454934168694545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258817337755175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549876184665912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791240262198808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999335067298954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589621171424152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708176751006476,0.0,0.05775658267107313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768301034372453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775691881342947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970148148480068,0.0982598276699553,0.12230459198425653,0.0,0.060754095509501185,0.0901110865899882,0.0,0.0,0.4804413660258717,0.0,0.15616614417456307,0.05400799615932112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625304800761924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23200231801572316,0.0,0.07490994634266758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464962855399773,0.0,0.10450325820939592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366139240592045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031225417657212,0.1758238512935646,0.1106774794556183,0.0,0.17618432340198995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782908246037455,0.08828349338785371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708344682332831,0.0,0.0,0.2578448869699481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505459551424329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121338594443848,0.06520386616495136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048000335265544,0.0,0.0,0.07852987638916377,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trollwizard7,2018/12/18,"BPD and aging I was diagnosed with BPD when I was a teenager.  I'm 32 now and I've noticed several of my more sever symptoms have been getting better.  I used to get so irrationally angry that it would scare me and everyone around me.  Now, with the right medication, I feel like I have that under control a bit better. 

I of course still go back and forth - sometimes I'll agree that I have it.  Other times, I will deny it.  All the while, my identity changes CONSTANTLY.  My religion changes all the time.  My values change.  I feel empty and bored - something I forgot was a product of this disorder.  I have binge eating disorder - and I forgot that was also part of BPD.  Sometimes I feel my husband doesn't love me because he doesn't express things in the way that I do.  I have friendships where I adore them and then hate them out of nowhere. 

​

BUT - the symptoms do seem to be managable now - I'm no longer quitting my job after two weeks and requesting to go back.  I no longer go in and out of bad relationships.  I'm not cutting myself or taking pills trying to end my life.  I do feel that with medication and the aging process, things seem to be getting better. 

​

I just wish I could find an identity and stick with it.  That part is still confusing to my husband.  ",3.0122001047668974,5.2217769879518094,3.9863907805133567,85.76459402828709,76.30923694779116,6.740073336825564,26.89034398463419,7.7425588080867325,1.6497402130260164,1006,40,193,15,23,324,130,249,0.13,0.78,0.08900000000000001,-0.851,1,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,2,5,13,12,2,2,10,0,21,9,0,2,2,39,43,18,0,3,4,2,4,1,0,2,7,0,0,0,15,18,1,3,7,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,7,4,34,6,23,31,6,30,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,4,19,139,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205699137921164,0.0,0.1952576099202164,0.21897504342436036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021261507669895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857047290245075,0.07523396918892769,0.054927213930985964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239071834501854,0.09837139868645832,0.0,0.3404525415840585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859576474965555,0.0,0.0,0.09737156951999637,0.10106049702923492,0.0719415659338751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145474866054494,0.0,0.0,0.20653643155013893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921999806671098,0.0,0.0,0.0798063468138918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609925510087199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223932160552286,0.06437107952433027,0.0,0.0,0.08235440096531102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412285393065544,0.0,0.15362636209597064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896010144100064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941537785742848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364387518249193,0.04402078548572135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132334299590671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154275560679894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258521863045428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951500187920893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583783247146993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967391235662481,0.0,0.07694923687148725,0.0,0.0,0.09021089334334133,0.0,0.0,0.16405654199400144,0.0,0.20358616188115566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936728449607564,0.17823243507150582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439160495009804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873073352716554,0.06774779841259136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972360855759152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508198104971901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117542741455451,0.0,0.08801955994463856,0.0,0.0,0.07782184958729349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152120997855219,0.0722768515525738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036163828944604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400805600248076,0.0,0.21897504342436036,0.0
bpd,bPa1n,2018/12/18,"Hi Hi I've not posted on here for a while. Mainly because I tried to delude myself into thinking I was normal and all my symptoms are a result of narcissistic abuse. Think it's patently obvious after my recent episode bpd isn't something I can deny or delude myself about.

​

So anyway I ended up drinking non stop for about 4 days, going out nearly every night alone pulling girls. Absolutely tragic behaviour and I was told that by one of them which kind of triggered a mass self destruction. I lost my job, decided to just walk out after feeling like I'll always be persecuted and treat differently no matter what I too. I was too different and mentally ill for the rest of them I guess. I then consequently met up with my abusive ex gf who utterly destroyed me, (absolutely pissed out my head still )only to hear her tell me she is seeing someone, but that she still loves me. I just said you can't see someone and love me at the same time, just noticing all her lies and pointing them out to her basically. She didn't like that she couldn't just come back in and ruin me again. So i told her to delete her email address so I can cut contact for good; she only keeps this email incase I email her, she made despite publically blocking me and changing her number to give the appearance of me being the psycho, which is insidious IMO.

​

Just wanted to get this off my chest, apologies if I've bored you. I've got enough to pay rent til the end of January but then I'm pretty fucked. No way am I going on benefits, I've discharged myself from a waiting list for treatment as I was waiting for over 14 months. I have just given up entirely on medical help and I am warming to the idea of just letting complete chaos run over me. There's only so many more fucks I can give at this age",5.273334966319659,5.983870200000003,6.0521004286589095,79.163061849357,68.12676056338029,8.540110226576854,30.082669932639323,8.587818076936951,2.263132271892223,1431,52,270,21,23,470,208,355,0.154,0.7340000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9377,4,1,2,0,1,0,35.0,0,2,3,1,22,19,6,0,10,0,20,11,3,3,3,51,51,22,0,4,12,1,2,2,1,0,3,2,2,2,11,16,1,5,5,1,2,7,7,10,0,1,13,6,54,9,49,34,7,48,0,3,2,4,42,20,3,4,21,191,65,2,0.0,0.2337431857130989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216069958850206,0.0,0.0,0.08207590615716895,0.2137515586302106,0.23971540393329835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584763168802232,0.0,0.06012967993288777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423290686415815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434743598400208,0.08496913331929311,0.10342156384325553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361427099527722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611441641173545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662908727814992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473051142050575,0.10192089738001986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310797259777111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987505871449719,0.07046802726232809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238112395471176,0.05153503007672602,0.18924785542970127,0.11211812046018116,0.08273407251355426,0.07889096166758798,0.0,0.10866245094248493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012325108766712,0.0,0.11117380455107842,0.0,0.06611592953679657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135190807985276,0.0,0.0,0.0978844122405479,0.08767525605079184,0.0,0.1027177854948716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086549842772796,0.0,0.0963804843615968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767658807991716,0.0,0.1780518703009536,0.09333501202689803,0.0,0.10000489819127777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936884658383532,0.09940534345101247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873305056689148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256642140952832,0.09664569656704293,0.0,0.11230164285858232,0.0,0.0,0.0668406294015175,0.2250591901775172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324614279221206,0.0,0.09446930582244764,0.10035176006111146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739453546339297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382868448276492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572057068763635,0.0,0.10290243614140324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715373494549565,0.07593745096562421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754714966196082,0.08246697881160699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025241343309161,0.0,0.0,0.08621520801328518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640832549462586,0.0,0.0,0.05751744385918067,0.0,0.0,0.1885084016160132,0.0,0.06696969693049826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818009045075576,0.07829538687009838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971540393329835,0.0
bpd,PRS501,2018/12/18,"Besides drugs/alcohol, what other stuff do you guys blow your money on? Graphic novels/comics and Lego for me. Honestly, I can't bring myself to say those are a total waste of money because they do distract me.",4.900916666666671,6.528527925000006,5.540000000000003,79.09166666666668,69.75,7.333333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.978333333333333,167,6,28,2,3,54,37,40,0.125,0.8,0.075,-0.25,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,4,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073516455645423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893965062356941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700662779276319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775315311759238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5434626088745661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bleakpier,2018/12/18,Does Anyone Want to Call Me I’m fucked up I’ve never gotten drunk before and I can barely type this my discord is Bleak#4192,-0.9667948717948712,0.2123218076923088,0.6230769230769262,98.31358974358973,119.3846153846154,1.7333333333333334,12.025641025641027,3.1291,-1.6681589743589744,101,2,20,0,6,32,24,26,0.24100000000000002,0.645,0.113,-0.6969,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185244887733311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876313882011901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651577527945174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39864653551282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211398244380227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513408939805168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686895721105853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lossofcontrol_,2018/12/18,"How many of you How many of you have had voluntary hospital stays? 

I constantly feel like I need to go, but simultaneously fear I’ll look like I’m being dramatic or attention seeking if I take myself. ",7.763846153846152,6.955130641025644,9.261153846153846,63.39634615384618,63.10256410256411,13.953846153846154,37.44871794871795,13.023866798666859,5.174887179487179,161,7,30,6,2,57,30,39,0.107,0.769,0.124,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,8,9,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,2,3,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180339119296998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311694909607933,0.14880699942326772,0.2102480871693904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725755835357553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28756037687914704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247138006030141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.59674832315126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182198334124851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136848038175327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212770879630979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jujuondatbeataye,2018/12/18,Holiday blues I'm definitely feeling it. Especially today. We had a potluck at work and all I can think of was balling my eyes out. I feel this was every Christmas time. It just gets me out of nowhere. I will probably spend it at home alone and away from everyone. Does anyone else get this way?,1.5528571428571425,4.1477213793103465,2.9000492610837436,89.0284482758621,85.20689655172413,6.762561576354681,25.52709359605912,7.957251820313856,1.7084748768472915,232,10,48,5,7,75,47,58,0.035,0.846,0.11900000000000001,0.5994,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,10,11,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,8,7,1,8,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800926115747118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909680994658948,0.2770960889766107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540857692259223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666245710664366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225916572533965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278560070687806,0.2584154705531512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734835509947478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28258579316534144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27127175487047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291578324313102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328600017026918,0.0,0.0,0.15769479972739878,0.0,0.25634397171841233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466140571698294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968823684642085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lost_duck,2018/12/18,"Having to live with parents. Difficult relationship, how to tolerate situation I am temporarily living with my parents for about a month, I have literally no one else in my life anymore. It's very hard. I'm sure I'm not the only one in here with a difficult relationship with their parents. Has anyone else had to move back in with them? How did you cope? 

In my situation it's my dad who's always moody and picking on me,always trying to find something to argue and yell about. I've always struggled for his approval but now I'm just a disappointment. I feel like I can't take it but I have no choice, nowhere else to go. I know I am very lucky to actually have a place to sleep, but I don't feel welcome here as the black sheep of the family. 

If anyone has some tips and tricks on how to not be pushed over the edge by the combination of depression, loneliness and a parent's attempts to pick fights, I'd love to hear it. I've already contemplated all kinds of different runaway scenarios but there is nowhere to run, honestly I think I must stay, if only I can learn how to tolerate it. I know a month is not much but every day is difficult so any advice would be very much appreciated",5.145434173669468,5.606802899159664,6.463546218487397,76.98243417366947,68.32773109243698,10.044145658263307,30.57254901960784,10.047579312681364,2.8634108683473385,942,35,190,22,15,320,131,238,0.172,0.74,0.08800000000000001,-0.9438,5,0,1,0,1,1,21.0,0,1,2,2,14,17,3,1,11,0,20,3,1,6,3,39,32,17,0,4,11,5,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,7,0,0,4,7,10,0,2,2,6,20,7,34,26,4,18,0,2,1,1,17,8,0,4,6,124,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.10314624442475097,0.0,0.0,0.10328710617447044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664064675423873,0.0,0.2638482328580196,0.0,0.0,0.07187843425518382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482426160676847,0.14781334741245208,0.1083003475259584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127542955593936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816662677478917,0.0,0.09103774747368654,0.0,0.0,0.11043217407525854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26489197383836416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905533399105144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996429027915109,0.0,0.10688842171952992,0.07551085061248927,0.0,0.0,0.09660628522195568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007075104788534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468487036290864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191296091804517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100684616425392,0.1161779874315456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465779954006545,0.051638825715208864,0.0,0.1866669817044488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539679697232832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873466877368892,0.11234051176363576,0.1554007504611929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432477388019901,0.16077656348741912,0.0,0.0,0.4694615904130024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043217407525854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269607271455838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23761852220001015,0.10577458358199103,0.0,0.0,0.08137167646842733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126602704422711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049876000122882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961934933255023,0.0,0.07947192936735899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772717041635161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176217324287086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26163637653492305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750850038637667,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,farleysnl11,2018/12/18,"Shame and guilt boosts dopamine And when we constantly condemn ourselves, when we feel the shame and guilt, we are feeding ourselves dopamine creating an addiction to our misery....

We have to break the cycle. ",7.011333333333333,9.886428228571432,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,66.71428571428572,8.095238095238095,37.38095238095238,8.841846274778883,3.640238095238095,168,9,26,3,3,47,23,35,0.28600000000000003,0.615,0.099,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6745419710460501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6686619606082714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128646859791184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tictacpattiwac,2019/08/06,"movies that are relatable Anyone have movies that actually have an accurate portrayal of BPD in them? Maybe not even explicitly, but are there any characters that you relate to, as a person with BPD? Any that are just off? 

Only one I can think of is Girl Interrupted, which I loved when I watch it as a teenager, but now I don't think is really accurate (Winona Ryder's character supposedly has BPD)

​

Would love any recs you might have!",5.688594377510044,7.279958361445786,6.2965662650602425,74.55802208835345,67.79518072289156,10.834538152610442,28.29116465863454,10.864195022040775,3.3167285140562246,356,12,65,11,6,116,60,83,0.032,0.83,0.138,0.9039,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,13,2,0,0,1,10,17,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,7,2,8,15,0,4,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,1,2,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.16688485133101766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852934381077765,0.20780054960458888,0.3488858527466927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957686217874475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6461578831003549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129530369334858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086933580368353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180640100603858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141867277254586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588341256047766,0.13006374126730424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932269999168565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955585319191743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915754333157586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148333443332585,0.0,0.20780054960458888,0.0
bpd,mle2693,2019/08/06,"My FP didn't wish me happy birthday. It's stupid. So stupid, because so many people didn't. (I hid my birthday on facebook so no one would get the alert - absolutely no one wished me happy birthday) 

But this one hits different. She's been my best friend for 8 years, since we were 12 years old. I met her on this stupid game when we were kids and we kept in touch and eventually I went to go see her (I live in Arizona, she lives in Oklahoma) and so we started visiting and in July she drove through.. she was gonna go visit her family, and she spent the weekend before and after the week there with them, here in Arizona with me. In the week leading up to her trip we talked about how I've started to realize what mental health issues I have, and how I'm trying to work on them and face them and figure everything out, and she supported me and was happy that I was seeking the help I needed.. 

She left here Monday morning at like 3am to start driving home and I posted some passive aggressive shit on my story on snapchat around.. probably like lunch time. It wasn't even aimed at her. It really wasn't. But she thought it was and we got into a huge blow up of a fight that.. how it ended, my mom almost took me and put me on a suicide watch in the hospital. I reacted... very badly. We went from having a 993 day snap score to not talking in the last 3 weeks. 

And that's fine, right? She blocked me on all social media.. blocked my number... but it'll be okay right? We'll work it out, we always do.. then.. she never wished me a happy birthday. And I feel like something in me kind of broke that day? And I just.. don't even want her back any more? But i do, i miss her so much and I'd be so happy to talk to her again.. but also.. I feel like I've almost.. detached from her?

She promised she would never leave me. And then she left me anyways. And I kind of... don't even care anymore? And I feel like that's bad. I shouldn't feel like this. I have a tattoo for her, we have matching tattoos.. and now I'm just... I think about her and it's just blank and I dont know what to do or how to handle this and I'm sorry for the wall of text I just needed to get this off of my chest.",0.16891261722079776,2.2525004326086986,2.0106905370844004,96.7118371696505,85.97826086956522,4.825234441602729,18.15004262574595,6.122218185202224,-0.3448563512361469,1669,42,387,14,51,549,210,460,0.128,0.789,0.083,-0.9635,1,0,1,0,1,1,77.0,10,0,3,4,29,30,6,0,14,1,28,5,3,6,3,84,65,45,1,9,11,1,5,6,1,6,1,0,1,1,20,40,1,3,9,2,1,12,13,10,0,3,20,7,76,20,52,36,5,69,0,2,2,0,50,31,1,4,31,260,96,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579889879606745,0.0,0.0,0.06221183027416486,0.06473083638930507,0.0,0.0,0.052902584761999535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771507398878287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925314947909651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059818780774859664,0.12990947394408198,0.04742249773549494,0.0,0.06619696056246915,0.0,0.081639999004051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931616333849216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034138301037897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812781679234606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117398360890223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890238973007333,0.0,0.0,0.15414660144886252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991622717079325,0.0,0.07333725568012661,0.0,0.15733992674404906,0.22230418435636984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060103448119895014,0.0,0.08128830387389131,0.0,0.08842424106639578,0.0,0.062218964997117265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140657751075445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269137964320776,0.0,0.0,0.05214367550664425,0.0,0.07803372064572374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811967200210828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202095056758645,0.04275354556107769,0.06341248954123238,0.0,0.08237260890531382,0.16904680795224095,0.0,0.0,0.2280373007049976,0.0,0.1373870469524596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887090141353609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078398050346571,0.0,0.0,0.09111138757042987,0.0,0.0,0.057187537948899435,0.11536652421018564,0.11999905069988613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163171215354244,0.0,0.15814567448074007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053932561457364935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450514365682649,0.0,0.0838750850292585,0.0,0.0,0.07820445254826415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983682568980464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287129457799046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061991742569327137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985441868077242,0.06435199716373734,0.0,0.0,0.07930118181157253,0.0,0.05988961857897626,0.0,0.08708400912460999,0.16518897173051492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509400484545386,0.08827970444686495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875836009359354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049847251275969874,0.0,0.061759742931089136,0.04536230450931748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643199166151483,0.05281701656449865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418819371849341,0.04588491425085405,0.0,0.1872049527245579,0.0,0.0,0.14423162684139845,0.0,0.0,0.2683777674949981,0.0,0.0,0.1132699108179576,0.0,0.0,0.11052524508688803,0.0,0.0,0.10019356533963994
bpd,smilingbuddhist,2019/08/06,My brain feels like static and cringes Does anyone else have this issue untold my wife and she didnt know what to say and waited till couseling and we just did emdr and i dont understand why when my brain cringes and feel like static vibrating and I start feeling more suicidal and my will to stop myself is dwindling I'm fine now and saw my counselor today I just dont understand why or what's going on on a scientific level,4.631434108527134,5.7227415232558165,5.367441860465117,82.10992248062018,69.81395348837209,8.058914728682172,27.124031007751928,8.344100000000001,1.7959519379844964,345,11,66,5,6,112,57,86,0.081,0.823,0.096,-0.1761,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,7,2,2,0,0,21,18,12,1,0,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,11,3,5,14,1,10,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,8,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358268446526766,0.18109389862382413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946068637802751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466882688103634,0.0,0.4142825215196805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476459412870349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680994306453747,0.2525302021314238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044701378188356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844735777574232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713322791141266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726952218113965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055297899455432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509947287396822,0.0,0.0,0.14776490585536886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933279511225636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753152091988222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679910034247517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31896579665585434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,This3dworldsucks,2019/08/06,"I feel unhinged today and didn’t go into work. Mentally I feel unstable and just feel like I’m inches away from exploding. I don’t know why I didn’t go in today, but all I could do is just stare at my keys and think holy hell I don’t want to do this. My place of work is pretty depressing right now and some days it isn’t that bad. But the thought of going in when I feel like my head isn’t even screwed on right. Seemed like a dangerous idea. Guys... I feel so lost when my head gets like this. I can’t control my emotions and everything seems loud and too real.",1.1583471074380185,2.8421258264462854,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,79.99173553719008,6.383471074380165,20.090909090909093,7.348242739294969,0.26519173553719044,439,11,105,6,11,143,72,121,0.21100000000000002,0.662,0.127,-0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,8,10,3,0,2,0,12,3,2,1,1,28,29,11,0,2,4,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,1,11,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,4,7,14,4,10,24,2,19,1,2,1,1,1,10,2,3,10,60,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405148134341274,0.0,0.11913088455425153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600264685537411,0.11391745614801192,0.0,0.0,0.09201605820195026,0.0,0.12288908908151115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049450826937628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423803835142958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282305552424574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607135815357826,0.2038596056041699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745438130907974,0.0,0.2432630446678361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141274498777789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29285933697012395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610670608099027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841256755013905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788227270326577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575082510156654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437867278122592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906903624040035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515568991016056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239977381510293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436939258449767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25977894261537193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914228494168243,0.0,0.11327107380006447,0.0,0.0,0.2704857438257607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415568559307897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874547471680614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774381204765374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jynxieee,2019/08/06,"Idk if I’m paranoid and projecting or being intuitive and perceiving I can’t tell if I’m projecting my own shit onto others and being paranoid for no reason. For example, sex addiction on my FP because he has a high sex drive. This makes me paranoid he’s gonna cheat on me with all his friends (even though cheating isn’t a prevalent thing with me). I can’t tell if I’m initiative towards those types things because I am familiar with them in myself and recognize them or if I am paranoid because I know it’s a dark part of me so it’s possible in others. 
It is positively exhausting and it drives me crazy trying to figure out if my intuition is showing me red flags or my paranoid is just giving me bad gut feelings. Does anyone have any insight or experience with this?",8.501753246753246,6.488266188311691,9.004285714285716,69.69071428571432,62.441558441558435,12.436363636363636,40.83116883116883,11.20814326018867,4.5630103896103895,619,29,115,14,7,209,91,154,0.2,0.745,0.055,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,3,0,3,0,12,6,2,2,1,28,20,16,0,5,10,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,11,10,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,2,20,1,15,17,3,10,0,0,1,2,9,8,1,9,0,83,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22841197760910295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248343670595062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650398237366938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749437044663159,0.3831714736585259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335577662179564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838855971332986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049545784329252,0.0,0.0,0.10594157919887658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618776451949825,0.0,0.0,0.2009944166581556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137350373888906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514885577542705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398588300582378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268939654667572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362067154158709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542546509209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507327214690652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662662470302879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27839673778932666,0.0,0.20585616768661186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225297441554438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sugarcoatedpiIl,2019/08/06,"#justsinglebpdthings i love so intensely that it hurts. i cry on a daily basis, even over the dumbest and most seemingly insignificant things. i have so much empathy and love for people. and i find myself worrying that no one will ever be able to love me at the same capacity i’m able to love them and i’ll always be the one who cares more and loves more and will inevitably always be hurt. i can’t wait to be alone forever 🤪",4.382509803921568,5.491736682352943,5.483235294117649,80.98289215686276,70.41176470588233,9.431372549019608,25.93137254901961,9.725611199111238,2.224725490196079,338,10,68,8,6,112,57,85,0.209,0.569,0.222,0.6527,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,8,5,0,0,1,12,17,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,8,6,7,11,5,4,0,2,0,5,7,3,0,2,1,50,13,0,0.30756230815454466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927089765457206,0.0,0.0,0.2559164786873869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567901355584388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892137674719282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157100192343238,0.13910385800011674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055318884612036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292518120344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6939674778592646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304684253316485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841217978061746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661248938411944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999658705572418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216536557665072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617222668032765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,acorn_young22,2019/08/06,"After years of being unhappy I am now SOOO happy After only two months of hard and I mean HARD work. I am so fucking happy. 

I don't mean happy just every now and again I mean EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. 

I walk around with a grin on my face. And I'm happy being alone. I'm happy when I spend time with my friends. With my family. With myself. 

Don't get me wrong I have spent A LOT of money on DBT but every day I'm happier than the day before. 

I don't worry about what people think, I don't worry about anything other than being myself and making myself happy. 

This isn't a high stage, this is me being me. 

If you put in the hard work. And I mean the hard work so that you are in total tears during an led after therapy I promise it will get better.

If you find a good DBT or CBT therapist that knows exactly how to deal with our issues you can and will feel at peace. 

I love you all, you are all amazing human beings remember it is ok to be different. It is ok to be sad, angry, lonely whatever. Just remember it will pass and it's not forever.",-0.09582369700016713,2.108439886877832,2.766023127199599,89.81029495558909,89.0452488687783,5.2650243003184185,15.425004189710071,6.775458762138228,-0.10489857549857584,809,16,169,11,27,284,116,221,0.09300000000000001,0.649,0.258,0.9927,1,3,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,6,0,4,13,20,2,0,8,2,24,4,1,3,4,38,41,15,0,2,7,0,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,0,10,0,3,4,6,5,0,1,1,5,29,15,24,30,5,25,0,2,0,3,11,7,2,4,13,124,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303020081807924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739172015908104,0.07996208260461299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764333011348197,0.0,0.0,0.0794417094310096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378644907750068,0.09260422787153354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384658497602456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270408702611579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467773293776289,0.0,0.045417530877454704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209717893556834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939752082807102,0.16608101408149936,0.09385828829510412,0.0,0.0,0.07533980690652724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737136051474989,0.32185735024653045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490360647387767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375254240977464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936472301273279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636484592335901,0.0810693413262245,0.0,0.05995797665740349,0.0,0.0,0.3913771031600006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169637184123455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831492521913371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227240156974944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029756685073753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350534628123998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272115963197548,0.10429216826656756,0.0,0.057555361079211435,0.0,0.0,0.05237688635958012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774464361229156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617803739402226,0.18244053149982875,0.0,0.0,0.09820804871312784,0.0,0.05784347866054265
bpd,THE-BPD-MAN,2019/08/06,Does anyone else post shit to this page then delete it straight away out of fear of judgment ? happens to me alot lol,1.4481159420289842,4.115035260869568,0.7391304347826093,103.4185507246377,87.69565217391305,3.066666666666667,20.71014492753623,3.1291,-0.7448724637681159,93,3,20,0,3,26,21,23,0.223,0.623,0.154,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487052049555797,0.3644442210356837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341804302752536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112648220592601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971315459567605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002477023958849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145335785336087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406506255111671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651084520919965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,suicidalfiend,2019/08/06,"want help... or just someone to talk to... i'm so scared about my relationship all the time. i'm constantly worrying that someone else is going to make my boyfriend happier than i ever could and leave. i'm so scared that he's going to lose interest in me. i can't have him leave. we live together. we each pay half of all our bills. he's my only friend... the only person i think and care about... the only person i worry about...
i'm scared he's going to leave me because i burst out into emotional breakdowns and start breaking things and hurting myself. i hate myself. every time. i don't know why i do this. i just want to be normal. i just made him late to work because he stayed until i calmed down. i can't live like this... i don't know how to help myself anymore... it feels like everything is falling apart... i don't even feel like it's worth living through sometimes...",0.8525907990314785,3.2448793276836163,2.4971428571428578,92.17152542372885,86.23163841807909,5.179338175948344,19.728006456820022,6.655083550727371,0.26945488297013753,679,20,141,8,21,222,96,177,0.209,0.677,0.114,-0.9388,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,3,0,0,2,11,13,1,3,3,0,11,0,0,3,3,28,30,9,0,4,4,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,5,0,3,4,5,6,0,1,1,2,27,7,19,27,3,18,0,2,0,0,16,5,0,1,10,84,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125473914667937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367706291065349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143773744123416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122925838796088,0.0,0.08956847186941178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371395196654653,0.1261900356205556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409537899214998,0.10147535106091192,0.09451846167028084,0.0,0.100822255591015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344552581554945,0.16028617533507952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667179928691528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126743090969905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075683771940784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038691852016842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200935175126634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330496287939713,0.0,0.1265465682964359,0.35635470754718823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164419877518568,0.0,0.29717719025867384,0.0,0.0,0.1255033457661307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614964462502313,0.07488258451443118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991487676856923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595917907048793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959065882315381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044185243033555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369422846660441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010346896506813,0.0,0.110951204909775,0.0,0.07940323919341506,0.11957145042689153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016791725162564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452896337460561,0.0718819151436538,0.0,0.0,0.1308288517417714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233610392249448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122711496913604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167008119132486,0.2278532278858473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ohpickle94,2019/08/06,"That low anxious feeling Holy cow. Today I’m in a bit of a rut. I woke up from weird lucid dreams and now I just feel heavy in the belly and foggy. I don’t want to do anything I’m numb. 
You guys ever feel this way? I wanna cry but there’s nothing there. I just want to FEEL something... really wanna curl up into a ball and sleep it off. But today I need to be HAPPY and INTERESTED stupid placement. Hold on while I go clean my happy mask.....",-0.22131528046421425,1.8792976808510675,2.304429400386848,93.76136363636364,88.14893617021276,4.2692456479690515,15.992263056092842,5.565023196281405,-0.6776893617021278,338,7,75,2,11,116,66,94,0.12300000000000001,0.636,0.242,0.9366,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,1,20,14,7,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,4,9,3,14,12,1,15,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297065531854768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732437875729522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198517537249432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233499438224974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392484993960384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41124176647429617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155578938156235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133000741124527,0.0,0.4329000128969887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150767622020616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951019173047211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302592714784139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347819670534645,0.0,0.0,0.15653440959048592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854686959090329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398602005419648,0.16139496390150904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spinnyturtle,2019/08/06,"Does anyone else struggle with copying other people's identities to weird degrees? Just as an aside, I honestly don't even know if I have BPD, I've never been diagnosed and I don't relate to all the symptoms, but I've never related so strongly with the identity issues discussed around BPD. I didn't know anyone else did things like this until I found out about BPD. 

Ever since I was young, I've been weirdly obsessed with being someone else. Of course, a certain amount of make-believe is normal for children, but not only did I try to emulate fictional characters, but I'd often latch on/get obsessed with people IRL. I'd think they were absurdly perfect, even if I didn't know them well, and I'd start to copy them. I'd make a list of the clothes they'd wear for the week, so I could wear those clothes the next week and experience being them. I'd pay attention to food they would eat and try to emulate my lunches. Just. Everything. It was such dumb, miniscule things in hindsight, but I was wondering if anyone else did this. I usually wasn't able to consistently follow through with these plans, but I had them nonetheless. 

It's only gotten worse and more complex now that I'm older (21F). Instead of clothes and food and music (although those are there too), I literally try to experience my life through the eyes and emotions of other people. A girl I befriended ended up being my best friend, but also someone I deeply admire, and I honestly don't know who I am without her. I subtly copied her over the course of two or three years (I couldn't be obvious, since she'd think it's weird), and sometimes I dreamed of moving away and just being her completely, because I can't when I'm still friends with her. I have similar mannerisms to her, I have similar tastes, similar ways of viewing the world, and I can't tell if any of it is mine/real or not anymore. 

It's gotten better since I gained awareness of this lifelong issue, but now I'm struggling with knowing how to form my identity because I have no idea where to start. I just don't trust myself, and end up feeling very unstable. I still subconsciously hold her as the standard of what's best/okay, and feel unsure when I stray away from that. 

Sorry for the long post. If anyone else has gone through this and improved, any advice is appreciated, because I feel extremely lost.",7.3777649006622505,6.813031966887414,7.400389072847682,75.62389486754967,63.76821192052979,10.375607064017661,35.65204194260485,9.725611199111238,3.333372406181016,1863,76,345,32,24,600,223,453,0.095,0.7809999999999999,0.124,0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,0,7,7,26,22,1,4,14,0,39,11,3,2,7,76,62,39,0,9,21,0,3,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,20,24,5,1,15,1,1,3,16,9,1,2,18,6,49,13,49,34,5,37,0,1,2,0,21,10,1,9,23,234,69,1,0.07549918922349558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377693391442054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060376674344923636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026840752989836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487490847238018,0.21116315419461745,0.3094313657634964,0.0,0.06721028516655161,0.0,0.0,0.1418679471136131,0.0,0.0,0.1380708149775116,0.0,0.0,0.08506173223512939,0.1584634823204821,0.06677289749164768,0.0,0.0,0.28526575755773903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915946346864941,0.0,0.0,0.060279959170020964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663008781639997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606984926953888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725451896888855,0.3153494237593399,0.08492642596337888,0.13373974461083302,0.0,0.0,0.09973300486461367,0.06829333906280795,0.0,0.0,0.06785380305825367,0.14770538843831096,0.0,0.0,0.1145239757046408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825878385893848,0.08278096407077154,0.1166609726204725,0.0,0.039445210255156855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522939484042949,0.0,0.15760307648832209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074618996142929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053327310124841966,0.03688509024324765,0.0,0.0,0.06681440664186206,0.0,0.0,0.08241628364331552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007925901349912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024368983963777,0.0,0.0,0.11645925821307572,0.0,0.0802942442588148,0.0,0.07397317544333304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484107105646454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702489471931627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230735337259539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736112853830889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794043604987665,0.0,0.0746706286513068,0.08451516112604067,0.106877429449169,0.0,0.1205875000803242,0.0,0.0,0.15785629041567775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847256572645912,0.0,0.0,0.06598961914280436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031661309920074,0.0967536638615384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377698075744234,0.0,0.07375173741009268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315169048456926,0.06229473802412374,0.0,0.059927742207618026,0.12112179110839474,0.0,0.0678828382000413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277852421659943,0.0818756501330906,0.0,0.0,0.07694012389492683,0.05363245784680856,0.0,0.0,0.048619002521779434
bpd,SnobbyButForReal,2019/08/06,Im being gaslit I slept with my underwear off. Woke up with it off. No one in the house is owning up to it.,-3.0446000000000017,-1.4840515599999975,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,104.6,4.1000000000000005,10.25,5.985473137389443,-1.4148,81,1,22,1,4,29,20,25,0.091,0.909,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,8,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6709708392896165,0.0,0.0,0.6281178321675307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940382236993629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dygotinous,2019/08/06,"Which BPD stereotypes do you think can be true? Or you feel like represent you, and that you are trying to improve on. Being violent is something that certainly fits me.",4.247956989247314,6.941713580645164,4.427096774193551,81.727311827957,74.48387096774194,8.004301075268819,29.68817204301075,8.841846274778883,2.8095075268817213,135,6,23,3,3,42,27,31,0.096,0.642,0.262,0.6908,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,6,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6254353451138276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25108987100963903,0.35476264753666603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24260786864162234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382297790903996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181936118078618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33715073219444025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emilym1406,2019/08/06,"MBT - how is this supposed to work? I have been doing MBT (Mentalisation Based Therapy) treatment for a few months but I am really struggling to understand how this therapy is supposed to help... 

The structure is 1 group therapy session per week, and 1 individual session per fortnight. There are 6 of us in the group and 2 therapists at each group session. During the group and individual sessions we are supposed to bring situations/ emotions/ conflict etc. that we have experienced during the week and share it with the group. 

We share events and talk about how we felt, how we might have acted differently or what thoughts we might have been having that aren’t necessarily helpful. But we don’t ever talk about or share any ways of achieving that. “Giving advice” is against the rules of the group.

So all I’m doing is (for example) sharing an event from the previous week where I know I’ve been irrationally jealous, or exploded with anger, other members of the group often identify with the feeling, we all agree that it isn’t the most effective way to deal with the situation and then we move on. I haven’t learn any strategies for how to behave differently next time. So the next time I get irrationally jealous or explode with anger nothing changes. It honestly just feels like a chance to have a nice chat about the week, I don’t understand what the therapeutic part of it is at all.

Maybe if you start with very little self-awareness it can help you to develop that, but I am fully aware of why my behaviours aren’t the best way to deal with life, I just don’t know how to change it.

I have tried to mention these concerns at group but I get a “it’s normal to have doubts, you just have to trust the process” type response and we move on.

Am I missing something? Are we just supposed to have an “aha” moment and magically connect the dots ourselves?",7.250028571428572,7.388663802857143,7.181857142857144,74.74164285714289,63.82857142857142,10.314285714285717,35.5,10.008157457239328,3.4289428571428564,1481,63,274,29,20,473,166,350,0.105,0.76,0.135,0.8878,4,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,12,3,0,4,19,16,4,2,24,0,37,1,0,7,4,67,52,26,0,2,13,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,18,27,0,1,10,1,0,4,7,7,0,0,5,4,27,9,41,45,9,30,0,1,0,0,37,8,0,10,16,190,45,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737994887868756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553517980117408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457988011135792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083973368176304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054761367180517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082327574914485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209643149926277,0.0,0.0,0.11113965463438844,0.0,0.09014202019299716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077529934074354,0.07119226246894236,0.09568269497409393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041293627792102,0.09559642520770804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003863081666556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095335797074452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038799877233709,0.048685517433398814,0.0998786812928312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001150287466054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143258380874935,0.0,0.0,0.07954222955713644,0.2118311510067735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211964606993458,0.0,0.0976389727908976,0.09561992833023762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079146991267582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638403885270968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396001601124333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402873312550628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671789817872862,0.0,0.0,0.07053504438201724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417915651448152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019492680104438,0.0,0.0,0.3418863402704015,0.1157050402444461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911350551487756,0.1162171588689984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765797804432594,0.0,0.0,0.20748498105102028,0.11987052369372365,0.0,0.0,0.08222432245879338,0.0,0.2373002033140473,0.31974312838514746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992150848681876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254871287405587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Emz_1997,2019/08/06,"Am I imagining it or are people actually excluding me? I had this issue before but therapy taught me that it's nothing personal and people aren't trying to exclude me. I am often super quiet so I began to assume it's just because of that and they think I don't want to talk.

However, I recently had an interview which involved an all day group assessment. The purpose of it was to assess team work skills, confidence etc. So naturally, I forced myself to be part of the group and act confident but the girls in the group still seemed to still exclude me. I tried really hard to get into the conversations and get involved with the tasks but they kept turning away and discussing what they were going to do without me. 

I feel like when I talk I am just an actor trying to behave like everyone else because I have no identity, so I am wondering if they could sense that I was fake. The group seemed to have common interests etc. but I am just a blank slate with no interests, so the only thing I was able to talk about was the task we were doing. I just feel so boring and don't know how to talk about anything other than work :/. Anyone feel like this? This just seemed to be happening to me constantly. I wonder if I appear as ""different"" as I feel?",4.664440459110473,5.697852402439025,5.882797704447636,78.65954806312772,69.6910569105691,9.365471066475367,27.88522238163558,9.627879704456738,2.5291164992826403,985,33,187,22,17,330,126,246,0.11699999999999999,0.7929999999999999,0.09,-0.7153,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,4,5,17,8,0,0,13,0,24,0,0,1,1,43,45,22,0,4,13,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,14,10,0,1,13,2,0,3,6,2,0,0,11,6,32,6,28,31,4,14,0,0,0,0,21,3,0,11,11,145,46,5,0.11829339089081847,0.0,0.11543728548265605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271348936919595,0.0,0.09734538145302173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114053472223234,0.0,0.0,0.14422110625496906,0.0,0.10065896292815983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783313105595584,0.0,0.09444764700549613,0.0,0.0,0.07628945095651747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235914160160831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881894901289594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638568005779127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303440434807475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925077101240666,0.16901764417707568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236068287215907,0.0,0.06722886011551499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104606454894828,0.0,0.10596764304826753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234675665022027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650109539941601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733765266778421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350569895013532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996745427681327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810021472796695,0.0,0.16401948543345946,0.10328922613707256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578177528004758,0.0,0.11680045248367213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230695808338485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893850954242006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803189868961309,0.0,0.0,0.13527880185489255,0.0,0.07858887259741443,0.07579762840506109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409403422982583,0.12866924048690515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977250682347995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114030607509251,0.2565682727257545,0.1722379948720033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zibby0099,2019/08/06,"Sex and Amnesia/Dissociation (unsure if TMI) Hi!
I’ve searched for this in the sub but I didn’t find anything similar... or maybe I’m just having one of those terrible moments where I feel desperate about symptoms (I got diagnosed 3/4 months ago) and need to seek help.

Ok, last week I had a one night stand - my first one - and so far so good. The thing is that, when I try to recall exactly how it happened, the chats, the sex and so on, I can’t put them in order exactly. It feels like I was there but wasn’t there at the same time. It’s not amnesia, it’s not like waking up and having no idea of what just happened or a drunk blackout. It’s just this weird thing where the memories are out of order, or that at times I was there with my body and other times I wasn’t. Even the pillow talk is a bit of a blur. I recollect some of it, but only some bits, not all of it, specially about the things I said. 
This is a little terrifying for me, because I know exactly what I was doing but I can’t place the memories in order. I also have this feeling that only part of me was in my body, not only during sex, but also when it comes to flirting and etc. maybe like just one side of my personality was there? 
Finally, there is the guilt. The guilt of not remembering exactly my words, if I said something stupid, if I sounded dumb and etc (which should not be something to worry about considering the whole Dissociation thing).
Has anyone here ever experienced that? 

a disclaimer: no drugs, no heavy drinking, everything was consented. that part I remember well.",4.051659311562226,5.136346165048547,5.315558987937632,81.9691548984996,71.16828478964402,8.854427772874374,26.99043836422477,9.218907990703514,2.082849838187702,1211,40,249,25,22,404,155,309,0.136,0.7759999999999999,0.087,-0.9508,0,0,4,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,1,26,14,2,2,18,1,24,11,3,1,6,55,36,27,0,5,21,0,3,3,0,1,3,3,1,1,26,11,2,0,9,3,0,2,14,6,1,5,13,7,26,8,28,21,11,35,0,0,0,3,8,15,1,9,17,187,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096718425088103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641316998306444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175487846838706,0.0,0.0844482087370588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255671251946747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407076082536095,0.2279772415088878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839876832898433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415799402617122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052935656109437,0.11900759624241035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288987298555026,0.06778009800660409,0.0928264263401886,0.0,0.0,0.0922289953592097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566454270387067,0.07331234971121765,0.0,0.11241611585595383,0.09379359004760356,0.08728923540245885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607349308314585,0.0820752615834956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814945425523924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878458693954531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584643906337486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639773075154704,0.08364968248826488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040607881394427,0.10285304270010616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206192857040375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191097666894209,0.0,0.0,0.07609205370877169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630270807253308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781541523425957,0.23414332282348715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222567421512448,0.0,0.0,0.08960456057509253,0.10721693769181773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316228982899728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324988174877302,0.0,0.195231840509358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580050748588633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066623471936776,0.0,0.08248274523319524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727069088827557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951711389629746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967281520661578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231624910135735,0.0,0.09226846082520407,0.0,0.0,0.1145725047941782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421644593288353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lethalie,2019/08/06,"I can't show my empathy My boyfriend's dad is very, very ill... we've been together 7 years now, so I know him well.

As the title says, I'm having a hard time showing some empathy cause I feel nothing at all! 
And I don't even feel that guilty, I mean I'm just ""upset"" cause I know that I don't feel what I should. 

It's not the first time I feel like this either, the only thing I feel it's maybe boredom... (?) not sure... the only thing I know is that sometimes I have to fake feelings to seem normal and avoid annoying questions from the people around me. (not that I'm able ti always succeed I mean)

Why so? Is it because of the dissociation state I'm constantly in? 
I always thought I was truly empathetic...",1.3142857142857132,3.220806380952382,3.1947959183673484,90.85913265306124,80.42857142857143,6.104761904761905,22.064625850340143,7.1686216300943375,0.6103278911564627,546,17,121,7,14,183,89,147,0.09699999999999999,0.8220000000000001,0.081,-0.2659,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,1,2,7,0,11,1,0,2,2,30,28,5,0,2,5,1,7,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,14,2,0,0,6,4,1,1,3,8,19,4,8,24,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,7,71,30,1,0.14361344476513388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389957813555674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784641365938842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754542295702379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950611358356673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519511418015794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948553258167153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356916366467033,0.10259747363553473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221575227522606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864943795422967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367785802806072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016227491694868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427900822553033,0.31287428614646906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071068384833182,0.13780097352817025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844899242711074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956347998107852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087992561780942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420717549883308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074028637040852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203736905899145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353539720958325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082078261396648,0.0,0.0,0.1140130333660678,0.1674843091025585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369922646957868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291257341252119,0.0,0.12958879625814146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248234987700436
bpd,shoski13,2019/08/06,Does anyone else get physically sick looking at pictures of someone you're interested in with someone they dated in the past or other people? I've been seeing someone for 2 months and I just saw pictures of him and his ex for the first time and it made me physically sick. It was a ridiculously strong reaction and I don't know if it was just anxiety or if that's just something to deal with. I think that kind of thing would hurt anyone but it was absolutely not rational and I wasn't sure if anyone else had experienced something similar,4.7350714285714295,6.416306923809527,5.8239880952380965,76.68455357142858,70.23809523809524,9.05952380952381,30.267857142857146,9.516144504307137,2.894357142857144,437,18,80,10,8,145,69,105,0.11800000000000001,0.843,0.039,-0.7178,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,3,6,1,0,3,0,8,2,0,1,1,22,15,11,0,4,10,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,8,4,8,4,11,6,0,8,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,5,5,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313849252499255,0.0,0.0,0.3650739712996717,0.35664472486472704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794253997524107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230171095582232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907726130359027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803652146628216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092760279146413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863111370455041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123365767306554,0.09564666067421886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614797641753566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467883859741927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891536568132676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613883763600554,0.12065594413999305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868564789933882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423851619065343,0.2679657067481513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402863077329766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562302609448775,0.11151643836238208,0.0,0.0,0.101482880305329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236315079138665,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worthless_youth,2019/08/06,"another bpd episode where do i start?

i think ive been autopilot for a long time. longer than i realize. but yesterday i finally stopped and looked around only to see the chaos ive caused. how over the span of 5 years ive lost all my friends, online and irl. how i have no one now except for my girlfriend, and everyday i have to stop myself from ruining that too.

its easy for me to isolate myself now, since i dont have to hide from many people. and thats exactly what ive done. im sitting alone on the floor in an empty apartment, no job, no therapist, no car, notifications turned off. im invisible in this world, but for some reason i cant pull myself out. usually i can use some of my dbt skills but this time somethings wrong. my bpd is worse than usual, my brain is looking for reasons to mistrust my girlfriend and split on her since shes all i have left. and i feel horrible because she shouldnt have to deal with my new problems and delusions everyday, especially when shes struggling with her own problems. this is why ive made myself scarce during this time. 

i dont know what to do, or how to get better. i feel like every time i take one step forward i take 20 steps back.",3.4315610651974287,4.643204644628104,4.525234159779616,86.56492194674013,72.80165289256199,7.8571166207529854,27.08080808080809,8.344100000000001,1.6654730945821856,932,33,198,15,18,305,139,242,0.221,0.715,0.064,-0.9906,1,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,0,1,5,0,24,1,1,8,3,39,39,15,0,3,5,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,9,11,0,2,7,0,0,5,8,6,0,2,4,5,37,3,30,34,5,40,0,2,3,0,9,15,0,3,22,129,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641972733377738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178685156533818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006604061915464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643402634868158,0.0,0.0685222494623751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941483593024733,0.0,0.0,0.28314530345357275,0.12548336083160613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547292864361693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588665684857664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150313636801127,0.2634802782499409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470772565250228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367268939398298,0.08030356636822357,0.0,0.12313634818766693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086845351094567,0.0,0.05872800571880296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428376471954873,0.0,0.11154657935167668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177593450849495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221305087084399,0.0,0.0,0.054916370751524016,0.0,0.0,0.09947663683320623,0.18878709943612948,0.0,0.12270549315919405,0.0,0.0,0.10636219891439788,0.0,0.11396303105172807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856335821618253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233975258756993,0.08549057077057641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792884404653272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511659095659785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311461860975086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957380677490878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859684248455432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653638210632468,0.0,0.0,0.0795622364198347,0.0,0.0,0.18795453096854528,0.0,0.11751217785775342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690321139967915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051316331548374,0.0,0.07202585165372154,0.0,0.0,0.2621816474630054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222665117987788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708353672815236,0.2476008074347884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142981237395288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455231210273345,0.0,0.12289938270178108,0.0,0.07238640736534725
bpd,rainbow-hoodie,2019/08/06,"DAE feel like they don't belong? I'm always the friend that helps everyone else but cant help myself, I'm too empathetic and sympathetic, and it always ends up hurting me in the end. I'm way too shy and have a hard time talking to people, no matter who they are. I just dont feel like I belong in this world, like I'm not the right kind of person the world needs. 

I dont feel needed here, since all I ever do is sit in my room all day, barely able to do my responsibilities which makes my dad mad at me. Nothing I do is ever right, or good enough in the eyes of everyone around me so I just want to disappear. I dont think I was ever meant to be here anyways.",3.3782206682206706,3.3893931468531484,5.2122610722610725,85.99309246309247,72.07692307692307,8.033877233877233,22.88189588189589,7.793537801064563,0.7564473970473973,512,10,120,6,9,177,86,143,0.129,0.6970000000000001,0.174,0.7211,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,12,8,1,0,6,0,14,1,1,1,5,24,27,6,0,3,5,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,5,17,6,13,24,3,22,0,1,1,0,9,12,0,1,10,76,22,0,0.1328441030715114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107387134942807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825941631903622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567345656267965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670768982856729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097420193325856,0.0,0.2353208902051376,0.13726346994001906,0.0,0.0,0.3604952900898433,0.0,0.25387646678759673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150991009492827,0.18980770755558926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263502449900402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142333091060347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190022231110276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808520411064552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422123598851442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833669074762894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470275563771644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867447035159985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700443833201545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746749972238786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209737443729807,0.11599434676612115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268962763504466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989001483383706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067750580036924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512113723844228,0.0,0.0,0.0774624648049762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835489386360568,0.10544546563414313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slfmprvmntsmstrbtn,2019/08/06,Do you find that your diet choices affect your disorder? I find that junkfood really fucks me up.,3.4800000000000004,6.391074777777781,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,79.0,8.044444444444443,25.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.7614666666666667,78,3,12,2,2,26,15,18,0.289,0.711,0.0,-0.7264,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,9,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710372045960247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7512860859603472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799593257630101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632946632472137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tjsthoughts,2019/08/06,"dae feel like people only talk to you cause they’re desperate? maybe this just has to do with my own personal past trauma, but maybe not. i have pretty bad body dysmorphia which i think might go hand in hand with my BPD. i feel disgusting. so i don’t understand when people flirt with me, or like me, or anything of the sort. i feel like they’re just desperate because if they truly wanted to be with me...why? they wouldn’t. why would anybody?

fuck my brain is so tired of this",1.7193749999999994,4.024107187500004,2.65816666666667,93.1035,81.29166666666666,6.34,18.975,7.554174236665415,0.4304325000000002,374,9,80,6,10,118,62,96,0.201,0.593,0.20600000000000002,0.1559,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,5,8,2,0,1,0,9,6,4,1,0,22,17,7,0,4,7,0,5,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,5,13,4,10,13,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,5,5,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439607249314335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650932260888264,0.1069643007351296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194906551506629,0.22099711865835248,0.1958814844894536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802550436261448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661672630957332,0.2507102405571369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221830394637388,0.0,0.0,0.09972310153775624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571759352226153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525644792001931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614492681502245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345211509646854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750505748084604,0.2432962833513321,0.1532128012898802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851510027089515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410353711256321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243347843130573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016758538358555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266946332119807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034961885497734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166670399585333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246481745883351,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moods-,2019/08/06,"Today is my birthday and I’m happy to be alive I used to hate my birthday because it caused a lot of anxiety and then depression when there were unmet expectations (when people couldn’t celebrate your special day or forgot).

But today is my birthday and I’m going to take up as much space as I want and there’s no shame or guilt or depression. It’s taken such a long time to accept being me, BPD and all, but I’m happy to celebrate all of it.",1.5995893719806773,3.673786543478261,3.9162318840579746,85.19205314009663,80.30434782608697,6.697584541062803,22.17874396135266,7.793537801064563,1.1588294685990344,350,11,70,6,9,121,57,92,0.133,0.657,0.21,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,9,1,2,2,0,6,0,0,2,2,20,16,15,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,7,4,10,10,4,11,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,4,8,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672060895710464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332387515584265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752823136848476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245324543777389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096010586070476,0.0,0.3765094776834995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421884179214834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653454336894439,0.0,0.21579344747765067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342830985379575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582110669502214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067471189541244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515294954940529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433806551097338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745041086502698,0.0,0.4143591871737296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877502317897932,0.0,0.0,0.12891874072616136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hella_coolmath,2019/08/06,"No lasting friends? Obviously difficult relationships is part of BPD but has anyone else found you can’t find people who you can relate to? It sounds edgy but I really feel like I will never be understood (well enough) by another person. I had a friend group in high school but since I was still an explosive BPD bitch I wasn’t a good friend to them and we’re not in touch. I tried to make friends with every person I saw at uni but the best people I could find ended up being toxic to me and although I didn’t want to, I cut them off bc I knew they weren’t good for my health. I had one really good friend from high school, and I felt we understood each other; but she has her own friend group, and younger me wasn’t that good of a friend to her, then some drama happened and she cut ties. I have a few friends I message, but we’re not close, just like to give polite updates every so often. Now I’m in an international setting where people I meet come and go and that’s it. Is it bad luck? Or am I really just a bitch? Is it only me, or others too?",1.8935191387559804,3.533012586363636,3.461244019138757,90.87055023923449,77.68181818181819,6.631578947368423,19.760765550239235,7.475848149327749,0.35477272727272746,819,18,184,11,19,271,128,220,0.09300000000000001,0.6459999999999999,0.261,0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,2,3,1,9,23,4,0,8,0,20,1,0,1,2,40,34,18,0,2,12,0,3,2,8,1,1,1,0,2,9,12,0,0,8,1,0,2,9,6,1,1,13,5,31,17,19,17,7,20,0,0,1,0,27,10,2,5,9,125,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233721600241434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824092594347715,0.0999979518026824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814880263822033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242028068790006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24583581051286496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406973758154303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792193188790852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152837744882614,0.0,0.08644049708857814,0.1008420677261173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445655438131312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049347132708010916,0.06972212529897355,0.0937068245420288,0.0,0.17840073229951206,0.0,0.0,0.10700824507436077,0.6032152966042866,0.0,0.0,0.09362233626685852,0.05546567675230748,0.32743333931064383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863032305386711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373927507160792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622965505419144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955322216024617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953602998139756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514564252733164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527153726664082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613312333615191,0.0742256484576944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568623489665373,0.0,0.2029809462298001,0.17043296045987014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756620791324835,0.0,0.0,0.10478086346290788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975433744503474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073186786797831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793975889473814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626082468919428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057564255931452236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774992497360869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HydrophobicMermaid,2019/08/06,"Every day is a struggle and my failure keeps becoming more apparent This is mostly a vent. I am 22 years old but it feels like I have already failed life for real. I feel like I am going to die soon because of a disease or because I will not be able to cope anymore. (But I at least don't have any intention to do so at this time.)

First of all I have isolated myself for years. I don't even really know why but I don't see this changing soon even though I hate it. Depression is probably the main contributor, since I'm often too heavy to even do something (I manage my anxiety better nowadays) and if I meet with people I will often go blank/dissociate instead of coming up with things to talk about.

Part two is I feel like my body is failing me. It feels like at any given point in time there's like 5 physical health issues I'm dealing with. Some are more troubling than others, mostly not very severe things but always having something sucks. So sometimes I go to a doctor and they will have a few minutes only so I focus on the currently most urgent problem, often leading to a referal to a specialist and/or the discovery of an actual condition. The treatments range from useless to terrible in side effects or binding me to bed for more than a month. I often read about the potential terrible side effects (docs don't say anything) and just go with it anyway because I'm beyond caring about what happens to me. And doctors will be like don't strain yourself don't exercise when this is what I would like trying to at least somewhat improve my health.

Part three is where I am unhappy with my living situation. I'm dependent on my parents. I'm still studying. And instead of making progress it just moves further away, right now I feel cognitively impaired (like my brain is burning) to the point where I feel too stupid to do basic chores but when I'm doing better I can easily be one of the best of my year in the exams. Even though just recently I have experienced it's reversible (but it went back quickly), it's so frustrating and makes me question whether I will ever be able to have a job. I failed my last exams when deciding write them anyway and I will probably cancel my upcoming ones.

Writing this I'm not even so sad. I don't think I have depression because I don't have the ""constantly low mood for at least two weeks"", I feel too good when laughing about shit and forgetting about my reality. But I can't get ahold of my life. It just slips between my fingers and it also feels like there's a lot of serious stuff going wrong with my mind and body which I don't have any control over, I'm just watching while I die a bit more inside. It just feels less and less worth the effort to suffer through every day. I'm just wasting away and I don't know if I can change it.

I just want to move away, be acceptably healthy and find a partner. These are the only things I care about. But it just keeps moving further away and right now it's all shit, it's been all shit for a while and I don't see it changing.",4.433323101141284,5.441075482644632,5.299592680047232,82.72358815426998,70.20661157024793,8.208185753640299,29.280794962613143,8.491030156203081,2.1059555293191656,2397,90,470,37,42,783,265,605,0.177,0.6940000000000001,0.129,-0.9911,4,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,2,13,56,42,7,2,25,0,54,14,7,8,4,97,96,43,2,5,25,1,10,9,1,7,7,2,2,1,30,23,0,3,19,2,1,11,15,24,0,6,3,16,59,17,65,81,24,68,0,9,3,0,11,28,4,16,38,345,89,11,0.12363814961913686,0.0,0.060326499505389625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821888628103483,0.04943669179059531,0.05143842246439172,0.0,0.0,0.1261172722107278,0.0,0.04729142302307126,0.0,0.061307910930163925,0.0,0.0,0.05087183124173512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232422297237204,0.047535052664798384,0.0,0.15073733688002086,0.06827431124912776,0.0,0.0,0.06487530507881296,0.10934789599047022,0.06749041869204699,0.1373341120012057,0.0,0.06901053228301081,0.0,0.0,0.12605733358743207,0.0,0.19618915269517295,0.053251659113473744,0.0,0.06680445824047188,0.06933534898155667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973637817542527,0.06373275166219924,0.10648935709820724,0.0,0.1283168793582405,0.0,0.0,0.12654888513216556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415457941069895,0.055918892374079966,0.10417047352379052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813182351117677,0.22081779697995446,0.0,0.0,0.056501514428976836,0.0525832734527299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03229791509978017,0.0,0.17566602417707888,0.051850906964127454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466640369347158,0.0,0.0,0.061033537931860275,0.0,0.13142157146461633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645230530013275,0.06134589290877044,0.10989526821131368,0.0,0.0,0.06794829361372763,0.05039079685180242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732928149047554,0.27181509614885546,0.0,0.05458737563480218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255636673205978,0.0,0.0,0.08252942493673976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241964292038304,0.0,0.04934339572462143,0.19711167959067125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486871992494912,0.0,0.0837804099623892,0.09403238413375176,0.0,0.0,0.06864276678175768,0.1338880675877999,0.0,0.0428575627255307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687801477174073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330283675075788,0.059152505744340736,0.0,0.0,0.06925151174661955,0.0,0.06183580392916165,0.07036364105113406,0.03960288229088866,0.0,0.061038878465694564,0.0,0.0,0.10558630422737053,0.0,0.049161009524547855,0.0,0.0,0.09852359776125856,0.0,0.0,0.06983795843474927,0.19036917578413892,0.0511373775031674,0.06948723020365526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518268799028372,0.06114064569631305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049368792997875686,0.0,0.0,0.06462671935111894,0.07076805057288944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968783066699636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320953920705358,0.03961116699313445,0.12147385425562887,0.0,0.07209439931458005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197109388505189,0.0,0.1207765068521109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051007210935151724,0.0364624919996829,0.0,0.04958753294312597,0.0,0.0,0.0573069016872779,0.055782099673643316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043914497068812064,0.06758945378331882,0.0,0.1194283720781388
bpd,inteNsE--,2019/08/06,"Anyone else has alot of friends but dont really feel close to anyone? my phone is full of contacts that I can contact and ask to hang out anytime and most of the time they will agree, but I always feel like I don't fit in whenever I'm with them, like something is wrong with me. the 2-3 friends that I feel more close with (because I've known them the longest and just feel more comfortable with them) dont ever want to do any activities with me and I feel like they pretty much hate me and dont want anything to do with me

so yeah, anyone else feels like that? any solutions to this perhaps?",4.140182926829269,4.599132398373985,4.604623983739838,89.4342530487805,70.54471544715446,7.776016260162603,26.757113821138212,7.645422480735847,1.1936674796747972,467,14,104,5,8,148,68,123,0.098,0.644,0.258,0.9764,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,0,3,9,1,0,4,1,11,0,0,0,1,29,22,8,0,2,3,0,6,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,6,15,7,16,21,6,9,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,6,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167092932488147,0.0,0.0,0.1825306494892403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815218492091853,0.2750217499680436,0.11044088055297012,0.0,0.1254653769586508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181130800134036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718686200170817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422536295818304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139786523496725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40715438312302704,0.2876324049474264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737590556723945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250157322679162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26226693706753873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865754661576816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365367113212556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597640552505086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331906301046896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825714888662709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831746667286895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673422618606347,0.0,0.0
bpd,ohhithere21,2019/08/06,"Advice on how to get over someone - BPD style?! So I’ve read countless articles on advice on how to move on and get over someone. However, these people don’t have BPD and don’t get obsessed in the same way that we/I do....

Like I literally spent the last 8 months watching this persons every move on social media, although they haven’t spoken to me I a month I still feel close as I’ve been seeing what they have been doing. 

Realising though that they clearly don’t like me or want me back (they haven’t made contact in a month after months of seeing me) I’ve took the huge leap in blocking them on everything. 

Now I feel empty and alone. Checking on them became a habit and now I don’t know what to do with my time...

I can’t even comprehend that they didn’t like me due to my abandonment issues and it’s killing me inside that I was basically used. 

So, any advice on moving on from unrequited love when you are an extra delicate soul due to having BPD?",3.731612665684828,4.8257227061855685,4.898821796759941,84.6215463917526,71.93814432989691,7.604712812960236,25.19734904270987,7.957251820313856,1.3143885125184092,751,22,154,10,14,248,109,194,0.083,0.8140000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.4501,1,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,7,0,11,7,1,1,7,0,18,1,0,4,1,20,32,14,1,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,2,3,1,2,4,8,3,0,0,7,5,23,4,25,25,2,35,1,1,3,1,12,16,0,1,17,102,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34663609993091576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246374388619027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040906892828306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092131297876764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467675030534392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809816701599971,0.0,0.09962454752276813,0.0,0.10626888563335526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957409143287255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533074117261414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341462494315705,0.0,0.0,0.13081799299163924,0.0,0.06498307799921665,0.09638355602801477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330218469569833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671862433803868,0.11188407141412103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775206778669101,0.37701972980258597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197457782477181,0.103244936832446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827466610761694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884481948723974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205335093373617,0.2003732577051498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094428747375048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617282092223473,0.0,0.0689482505712186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137195481820252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212370059376122,0.0,0.0,0.06974258912610885,0.09385552608538576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bre_neg_pos,2019/08/06,"Does anyone have some advice on how to control rage? Rage episodes to me are one of the worse parts of bpd, if not the worse. 

When I was younger I couldn't understand why I was the way I was. I could be playing with my little cousins and if they did something that I didn't like I would suddenly burst! I knew that once we got home they would tell on me, and since I was the oldest, their mom and my mom would get made at me and punish me. The first couple of times that it happened I would cry, but as I got older I started feeling and uncontrollable amount of anger. I would go in my room and start throwing all my toys around, and scream as loud as I could. That would result in me getting into even more problems..

Ever since then my rage has only gotten worse. Sometimes I don't even realize that I go into it until it's over and I've made a mess.. The worse part of all, is that I push the people I love away. My mother gets so tired of it, she cries all the time because of it, yet she's the only one that's always tried to understand me. Everyone else just leaves.. they think I just like throwing these ""tantrums"" just to get some attention. While I do seek attention in other forms, my rage isn't one of them. 

It's embarrassing to see people's faces when I can't stop screaming at them, or when I can't stop crying.. worse part of it all is that sometimes it's not even a reason for me to act that way. 

If anyone knows of ways or techniques to minimize rage please let me know. 

thank you!",3.6334757311284633,4.246055762057882,4.262241616903996,90.88178992497322,71.76527331189709,7.20998315725004,24.13428265196754,7.07126945348624,0.6674546317562395,1166,29,263,10,21,371,153,311,0.204,0.7290000000000001,0.067,-0.9937,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,6,2,15,19,8,2,11,0,27,3,1,6,5,59,51,25,0,13,11,4,1,2,0,6,1,3,2,0,19,13,0,3,11,2,0,6,8,14,0,4,12,5,47,5,35,28,12,41,0,0,1,1,16,14,0,7,20,185,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079136444750308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738501985835155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325152997417268,0.0,0.0,0.07209276309726989,0.0,0.0,0.07608695809735751,0.0,0.0,0.04936698071410883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199627744677454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083023242484237,0.1293179698669144,0.0896070487003576,0.2668707474796311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086948045909595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765158410979885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046713404502194,0.07325449523054227,0.0,0.0773835037656276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040947849122458815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888478993076047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924279914600027,0.0,0.09204993435251227,0.0,0.12954030646789352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161371834486734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123336741253565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901317138315712,0.0,0.0,0.08575016478214223,0.0,0.08281143556989295,0.0,0.07912920072094103,0.08116705579410739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730910530129945,0.1532576838534888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969452592365288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624511777364209,0.16463018261197346,0.12318367804859028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630927328529291,0.0,0.11228795818299536,0.0,0.0,0.08889590764435344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749057189716425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326484755496227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453361391724746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398129388358973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234529572554996,0.1601901235307338,0.0,0.1146415192649516,0.0,0.0,0.1354121876945738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707834220306039,0.07455901445254115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189115735990153,0.0,0.0,0.09444462517978487,0.09307897979410887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549826930808152,0.0,0.0,0.1686140106719274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284354371753967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307529496751357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41264712022022704,0.34517146311396885,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chicago4137,2019/08/06,"“OBSERVING your thoughts” is not what you think - for those with rumination + disassociation inclinations. I’ve always had huge troubles with rumination and disassociation - Id go into bouts of time where I’d be thinking about everything and nothing and I’d look at the clock and HOURS will have passed. I was rereading a book I have that has always helped (based on DBT & CBT) and it said when you are deep in continuous thoughts to just observe your thoughts. At first it sounded stupid- like how do you just watch your thoughts without divulging; the trick is it’s not watching - it’s more like naming.. ex “I just thought about my ex bf” actually say it to yourself when you notice you’re starting to stare off into space - once you say it to yourself; it’s really hard to continue the thought. I am really actually surprised bc when they said observe your thoughts I was like how is that even possible, naming your thoughts is a way of observing and guys it’s working! I hope this can help someone!",3.884881796690309,6.449565478723402,4.3631205673758915,82.38388888888889,75.06382978723406,7.3692671394799065,30.657210401891252,8.344100000000001,2.427747281323877,802,38,150,15,18,253,110,188,0.043,0.853,0.10400000000000001,0.8488,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,10,1,2,12,8,2,0,5,0,16,0,0,2,0,31,32,11,0,1,6,2,1,3,1,1,0,5,0,1,13,10,0,0,10,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,13,10,18,5,20,17,1,24,0,0,4,0,23,11,0,1,13,92,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.22318434739871848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030195424995927,0.12390158463011634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552917365968825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277323302580067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972687265617608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498952746725536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322759194203001,0.0,0.0,0.10243795650696108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532970050164474,0.0,0.0,0.11357847503155236,0.1126148129552586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676015110675157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602784106859596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972492657074602,0.13019181329868584,0.0,0.12178236714437833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289159889024515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651510549539826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755205465024732,0.18187642111106006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689104851122347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093974447200801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465457556388556,0.0,0.7262689888989737,0.06668023834488207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076820365287493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023235089955108,0.0,0.08325045136423329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPD_and_Empath,2019/08/06,"Does anyone else feel like time is frozen in a certain year/time period? I feel like I cannot move past my best year. It was in 2016 when I was the happiest, I was in incredible shape, had a girlfriend I would have died for at the time, and life was just good in general. I don't want to go into more details for fear of being recognized, but I cannot move out of that bubble. I have moved and met new people but it all seems like a dream. The only thing that seems real is 2016. When it ended, I was completely destroyed and have no memory of the 6 months that followed. 

The end of the year was also the end of my relationship, and I feel like the person I was has been buried, nearly dead. I gained 90lbs in 2018, and I still am unable to see a goddamned single fucking pound of that. My eyes refuse. They superimpose my 2016 body over any picture or mirror. Luckily I've lost about 30lbs since then so I'm getting better in that regard. But anytime I start to feel genuine happiness or relaxation, I am yoinked back into a wave of nostalgia and I get incredibly confused. I think I'm starting to get better, but I also think that I'm just accepting... something? I can't put it into words. 

If anyone else feels frozen in time please advise. I've taken new hobbies and interests and dated more people but I cannot fucking leave.",3.3437720706260023,4.862984629213488,4.571567683253079,84.93224719101127,73.49438202247191,7.482718031032639,24.32477260567148,8.11559375814309,1.3443491706795072,1044,31,210,16,21,344,144,267,0.111,0.7,0.18899999999999997,0.9658,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,5,10,19,3,2,13,0,24,5,2,0,2,41,50,22,2,3,10,0,5,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,11,12,0,1,10,2,0,6,6,6,0,0,12,7,25,13,28,36,5,42,0,1,2,2,7,15,2,6,25,133,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331294785302827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943757343621104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279387513319544,0.2092453296298276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851546387772249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715702175384073,0.18061410046785595,0.0,0.1134200017200664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705926974111467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597294776550066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935621219190958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705978163145439,0.0,0.27131461165858345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490093351378435,0.2581467135984281,0.2188399186334812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887961196830084,0.16004310361606872,0.0,0.05803085766236023,0.08564412543049331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869685402254453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108118612837677,0.0,0.0,0.0721225565340601,0.19954106067639735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146395838223937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150237324738878,0.325576897282779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972348805337574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765844199071557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747452695016884,0.14157894982434865,0.08915757860116559,0.0,0.11208494171261732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264767669271677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622231611297992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962677694367527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136759662050291,0.1859122687111256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446556153969978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786084424202178,0.0,0.0,0.14454645152019194,0.0,0.08154432289462801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678366355120371,0.13085455792529402,0.0,0.0,0.1786216135622962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022649209375795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253525377637841,0.0,0.0,0.1972644082252239
bpd,ImNotVeryCreative23,2019/08/06,"I don’t know how to feel I’m currently walking to work and it’s a really sociable job, like I’m management on a bar. 
I like my job, a lot of people make it hard to work sometimes. In fact, I make it hard for myself I guess. 
For the past few months everything is getting harder again, I feel so lost. I want to change everything about me which I will be doing at the end of this month. 
I’m so tired of living, I feel so lonely (although I have friends). I get drunk to cope with it, so I can enjoy myself but as soon as i start thinking on a night out I just have to leave and go home to cry. Sometimes I feel so depressed I don’t cry. I don’t feel anything. 
I have nothing to keep me around and I can’t think of anything either. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I’ve had such a shitty past and everything is better now but not me. I don’t really know what to do anymore about anything. I’m scared to take a mental health day off but I’ve got so much to do for this job and my manager relies on me so much.",0.2970095238095247,1.8734653422222216,2.6436825396825405,95.192,82.24444444444444,5.885714285714287,19.6031746031746,6.868970318607317,0.06745079365079354,782,20,191,9,21,268,111,225,0.16,0.7709999999999999,0.069,-0.9670000000000001,4,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,17,9,0,1,8,0,17,6,2,3,1,35,44,20,0,2,8,0,7,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,8,9,2,1,9,2,0,3,7,4,0,0,3,7,28,5,34,39,5,24,0,3,0,0,1,9,0,2,14,126,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785631941144573,0.0,0.0,0.2684897460804285,0.09681553049686828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618547931238544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150489912155882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238925812442282,0.07013835688347687,0.0,0.09367102824778174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963251702542792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29322752863058155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749504641781931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840242972079564,0.0,0.11364061161026195,0.0,0.12361661342507015,0.0,0.08698177842410197,0.0,0.11980654096630497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484728944914026,0.0,0.0,0.11560210398938725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909072176191124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32376941832281403,0.09666696328559972,0.0,0.0,0.11953845349278013,0.0,0.0,0.1151564642123054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626497329911876,0.0,0.09603317635478356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871957101111867,0.09246011144981224,0.0,0.0,0.14519039846194506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960005272416502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736153448837114,0.0,0.15989574094398912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205975166688333,0.0,0.1043539194666724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076390286508912,0.07539743084357205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393432285385019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888331576374563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883412959519714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512411403987608,0.0,0.07697776467263431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817706670832038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937237836527286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499854936500825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829372666554725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835072610645104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,warpedroe12,2019/08/06,"Is anybody else violent like me? Unpopular opinion but I get/feel violent when I feel rejected or ignored. I haven't acted on these in a serious way except some fights but I get adrenaline to injure someone badly and get back at them.

DAE secretly feel this way? If not ill check myself in",1.4987500000000011,4.226827089285717,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,90.60714285714286,7.800000000000002,26.642857142857146,8.472884824447931,2.9261142857142857,231,11,40,7,8,80,45,56,0.35600000000000004,0.5760000000000001,0.068,-0.9681,0,1,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,6,6,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,7,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,4,3,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405204320591,0.2611711773197228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26130050350473266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744764102981828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902682163320709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281608156248702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650306123911038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965650174995324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justapotbellypig,2019/08/06,"Help? Hi everyone! I’m a 19 year old nursing student and I just found this sub. When I was younger I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which later evolved into BPD as I started nursing school and was able to recognize my signs and symptoms. I’m on no medication because the only hospital that takes my insurance is hours away and honestly the psychiatrist sucks at getting in touch and responding to messages so I’ve given up in that department. Now what I’m reaching out for help with is having huge breakdowns in my relationship. My boyfriend lives with me, he’s sweet as can be, deals with me as well as he can, but I often find myself screaming at the top of my lungs as hitting him and hurting myself for the smallest of reasons. I feel like I’m genuinely going crazy. I hate myself, like I obsess over my appearance and could write a book on all the features that I hate. I want to stop these screaming breakdowns that end with me on the floor threatening suicide and wanting nothing more than to be gone. Of course I scream hateful things at him when I’m mad and tell him to leave and then get so upset and beg if he does. I need help. Anything you can recommend, I’m so desperately trying to save myself",5.3329588607594935,6.366193443037979,5.820630274261607,79.71423655063293,68.1561181434599,8.962974683544303,33.37790084388186,9.188382445141503,2.9680635021097044,974,44,182,18,16,314,142,237,0.243,0.639,0.11800000000000001,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,0,1,9,18,5,2,8,0,12,4,1,1,1,37,36,25,1,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,9,19,0,1,4,1,0,4,1,12,1,0,6,6,29,6,36,26,2,32,0,2,0,0,17,17,1,3,13,121,38,3,0.14319840695213248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954638936710548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784008762658882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345396171348328,0.0,0.0,0.08729241975845986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803533806583314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433227579085432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476312697466997,0.12333657807719052,0.14534336875362852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253138909208466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683128502058394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683221447567645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724054171857061,0.10230097053899807,0.0,0.0,0.13088074969637184,0.0,0.0,0.15700966199524655,0.0,0.0,0.1496305146724027,0.0,0.0813829546794801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241363412224104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879486210614338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102158572538692,0.0,0.15329685634215565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162643674460302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991901681177182,0.0,0.12644681685516632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425732976778824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617980429458017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740273355296373,0.0,0.15026263953143135,0.0,0.0,0.1089088412544477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723181200779142,0.0,0.1537414985588158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449244328336386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135656947887507,0.0,0.0,0.11972028021219315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156635815163696,0.0,0.0,0.1488379745140154,0.10766738076637217,0.0,0.12516171940144205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513465862603256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722231853019507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892426112631814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287525652872861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221507913298067
bpd,AccomplishedWafer1,2019/08/06,"DAE feel like you're a bad feminist bcos every time you see other girls in relationships you feel bitter and somehow 'wronged'- all because of the fact that you're desperate for validation from guys? so specifically what brought on this question was something that happened a couple days ago on my campus. I was just walking to class, in a perfectly neutral mood, when I happened to see a guy and his gf (I assume) together. Now, although I've never really spoken to this guy, he's in a fair few of my classes and for some reason I'd developed a bit of a ""long distance"" crush on him, if u will (fucking dumb, I know). anyway, he was saying goodbye to her before heading off and he like looped his arm around her and kissed her super intensely for a while before letting go. and I just. idk man, it's like something snapped in me and my mood immediately turned sour and I started feeling super jealous??? I don't know why I suddenly became so fuckin upset, like jfc I don't even like/care about this guy THAT much, but out of nowhere I internally get these bitter intrusive thoughts like ""damn he could do so much better than that bitch"". Like???? fuck why do I turn on these random girls so quick?? why am I so desperate for male attention/validation that I feel the need to internally list why I'm better/hotter/funnier than xyz's gf???

I find that I get like this a lot these days. Maybe it's because I'm feeling lonelier than ever now, and seeing happy couples triggers it, or maybe it's 'cause I resent that I've never had a bf, but I feel like a fucking incel and I swear I'm not. I don't want to hate on these (probably) nice normal women who are doing well for themselves sexually/romantically, but my fucking inferiority complex is maybe making me batter them down to make myself feel bigger, so I see them as my competition. which is like the complete opposite of what feminism stands for.

look does anyone else w bpd ever get like this or am I just a sad insecure fuck? I mean, I hate to say it, but I am genuinely\~boy crazy\~ as the middle schoolers like to say. like an immoral nympho minus the actual action haha. I feel like sometimes the only thing that makes me feel satisfied/happy is seeing guys check me out and knowing that they're interested, even if only physically.  And if there's a guy I meet that happens to only show like platonic interest? hoohh boy you bet there's bout to be a mental breakdown tonight lmao. 

for the record, I know I'm a toxic bitch for this ok. I am self aware, at least. I'm just wondering whether it's part of the bpd or not",5.154782478247824,5.901606475247526,6.150459045904594,78.22321632163221,68.40594059405942,8.893489348934894,30.352535253525357,9.0124134603493,2.4707557755775573,2030,76,387,35,33,675,254,505,0.114,0.708,0.17800000000000002,0.9869,0,0,2,0,0,0,72.0,0,3,2,4,25,50,16,2,24,2,22,9,2,6,7,74,72,34,0,7,17,0,9,14,3,1,0,3,0,13,32,15,0,0,21,1,2,4,7,22,1,0,6,21,49,26,47,62,9,39,0,2,6,7,38,17,10,14,31,234,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.05808870228057975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276612838680759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041621900917594,0.060991330119714235,0.0,0.052990680888716425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970164916665448,0.07257288551782046,0.0,0.1013043316976524,0.0,0.0,0.10529166166239667,0.0649868775801211,0.0,0.1499416018422435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061149507616954035,0.0,0.0,0.06241178500573868,0.0,0.0,0.047526596151880686,0.13172857632474733,0.0,0.07677857609407934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052091525729013065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972626032299029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863260543765227,0.10768918858577267,0.050153147228523265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708828017452869,0.12757596783028427,0.0,0.0,0.05440560412051575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27515372699783325,0.09329949474427676,0.0,0.033829946915198715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35364006239294105,0.15791569915057085,0.1267328779742259,0.0,0.11753902656783714,0.06109075776500095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085553547984705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060869276855153275,0.0,0.4362202991226487,0.0,0.0,0.05267855793728815,0.049986773136157035,0.0,0.0,0.05060680074392242,0.0,0.0,0.11920202317000245,0.0,0.1794053348462808,0.06484116754203133,0.0,0.0,0.05998811750022472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875167872379925,0.04413770865040289,0.09182010421787286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832275409230815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581641264111347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446076070048627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641789997816772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668264330454082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038133822743067466,0.06120255038747039,0.0,0.06390855131018283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201218052586034,0.0,0.0,0.23717222053693146,0.0,0.0620985071426459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165190870123227,0.058872647911192615,0.0,0.042132746082780816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03954637016792559,0.0,0.0,0.047256924111709016,0.034710037315423256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949419543367768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03510992448664076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352094263496664,0.0,0.21485150354121907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645533111190845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508223898811573,0.0,0.0
bpd,clairvoyanke,2019/08/06,"Does anyone else deal with an indescribable rage? Does anyone else deal with or experience just an all consuming, insatiable rage in their day to day lives? I feel like I am a living breathing powder keg, it takes essentially nothing to set me off and when I am set off there is no breaking the fury that is about to emit from my body and mouth. I am set off by things as inconsequential as pulling into a parking lot ""incorrectly"" or two people speaking to me at once. When this happens there is genuinely no pulling me out of my own anger. If people are around me I do everything in my power to hurt them as much as possible. It's like I want them to feel the amount of hurt and pain I am also feeling in that moment. I know that makes very little sense but that's how I see it in those moments. 

I intentionally say the things that I know will hurt. On more occasions than I can count I have been physically violent and abusive to the people I love in my life. I need to physically walk away from any situation when I can feel myself getting angry because if I don't get away from everyone I know I will end up hurting them, - physically or emotionally.

​

I just don't know how to handle this. I am on medication but am not sure if it is helping at all. It wouldn't be such a severe issue if it was just a once in a blue moon occurrence, but I find myself being thrown into this pit of rage at least two or three times a day. There is no relief for it either. I just sit by myself and feel as though my insides are being boiled alive and do everything in my power to keep it all inside to avoid hurting other people. I feel like I am an endless pit of just hatred and rage and disgust and at this point I can't even tell myself that this isn't all that I am. 

​

I feel like there will be no end to this. That I will eventually push every single person I love out of my life because I will just become too volatile and difficult to handle. I just really really want this to end.",4.940148148148146,5.18083531111111,6.082567901234567,80.30755555555554,68.72839506172839,9.0479012345679,27.804938271604943,8.954980946260402,1.9650227160493825,1571,47,324,26,25,527,181,405,0.184,0.7290000000000001,0.087,-0.9928,2,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,4,2,24,23,7,1,13,0,36,10,3,4,5,65,59,33,0,8,20,0,7,4,0,6,4,2,0,1,27,17,1,2,12,1,0,4,10,15,0,3,2,11,51,8,58,47,12,47,0,5,2,2,13,26,0,9,16,246,78,0,0.0,0.09146712553531997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173529305844728,0.0,0.1672882192219059,0.1876082836590534,0.0524973555582348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795741359383816,0.15819715357087374,0.0,0.06872267636993054,0.0,0.0,0.14506031320348106,0.0,0.0,0.09411849104462416,0.08525923682721791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574968656103474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935916509937794,0.15917570366371528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511315590787792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897821420488473,0.08683747245340846,0.2051238102303458,0.0,0.0,0.05098861729069503,0.0,0.06504272917642764,0.07376609325517608,0.13876134988821748,0.07551455541801959,0.0,0.0,0.2732357540025864,0.1654510152113968,0.0,0.0,0.07055766527206307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066564252752427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826602529884236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174425948185103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413210816034514,0.0,0.0,0.08057476019907263,0.0,0.0686172187400772,0.0,0.0,0.16970422846388378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905460276821692,0.1508603698604094,0.07737277734399632,0.13633467410726502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563106439311092,0.1393485993863835,0.0,0.05153033151971557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776896457584534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056749486375945964,0.0572414133281652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407365944944029,0.0,0.0,0.1644269150635177,0.0,0.0,0.08214422177550793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407777088634053,0.06740640366467357,0.0,0.0,0.07297715757950048,0.08702925905711173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891015986843653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061391028002088975,0.0,0.0,0.06151689120631015,0.0,0.0,0.0872118799703565,0.0,0.0,0.08677389940680715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275829609510066,0.0,0.058043364134580874,0.0,0.06747454245861215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257397538873768,0.0,0.07584674175990262,0.0,0.04501483319728344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508226536814721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636965177304739,0.0910668795871952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876082836590534,0.0
bpd,liltooter,2019/08/06,"How do you handle the wait for diagnosis? I've been questioning the possibility that I have BPD for a few months now but today I made the first step to getting help. I went to the drs and I requested a referral for a physiologist. The problem is I live in the UK and the NHS is drained of money and any mental health support will  take months. 

I dont want to self diagnose because I know that if I'm wrong then I'll be fucking myself up even more. But the fact of the matter is, whether I have it or not, I struggle with BPD symptoms. 

Can someone suggest coping mechanisms? I particularly find it difficult to deal with abandonment, hypersexuality, feeling empty and ""splitting"". 

Honestly anything you can recommend would be worth a go at this point. I've already been told it will take months to hear back and I'm desperate to start my healing process",4.378241088180111,6.197880079268295,5.662926829268298,76.93160412757976,71.37804878048779,8.704690431519701,32.127579737335836,9.265573868473778,3.0025849906191366,679,32,127,15,13,227,107,164,0.155,0.72,0.125,-0.7348,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,4,8,1,1,13,0,16,6,0,2,1,26,33,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,6,7,0,2,4,0,2,3,2,6,0,1,5,2,14,2,16,23,2,16,0,1,0,1,10,4,1,3,9,84,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636105295296705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082307512434016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200678875518667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400413524297813,0.0,0.0903789875916252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37346097170246617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285135563308452,0.0,0.1504825568755772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376166854873096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792548856833944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496559631982454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550855487248206,0.12611137007665174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137065600193175,0.07746064587466636,0.0,0.08426057006437486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759530880032088,0.16710176926353593,0.0,0.09937672679921623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814807812383629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091784284563876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402888540776918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494129739644005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550233466157488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015527758987534,0.16714284806588595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418664729876862,0.0,0.0,0.1660870929630596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466934148912964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562170090872146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494043080267763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499537373335115,0.0,0.0,0.1682456786080181,0.0,0.15410072820740145,0.22294877143358546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053480461961734,0.1416704571651337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874486223575006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744012900085825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532089442003884,0.1621009507331148,0.0,0.0
bpd,TiocfaidhCheeses,2019/08/06,"I got rejected and abandoned by my FP (Venting, small mention of self harm) So I've been talking to a mutual friend for about 2 months and I thought we really hit it off, last week I told her I like her and she said she didn't feel the same way. I told her I need sometime and am struggling with BPD issues.

We spoke before about BPD and she said she knew what it was and can sympathize, because she has GAD.

Anyway after last week she knew I like her and had overwhelming feelings for her. I told her I need a week to get back on my feet. We started talking again on Saturday.

Last night she told me she might be losing her virginity tonight. 
That hit me like a fucking truck. Yes part of me is disappointed because I like her, but the worse is she thought it was okay to tell me. 

She knew about BPD she knew I was struggling with feelings for her and she told me anyway. It's so unthoughtful and callus. I feel betrayed I tried so hard not to trigger any of her stuff, I knew what it can do to someone, and she done this.

 When I told her "" I wish you didn't tell me"" she said ""right sorry"". 

When I told her I think we should stop being friends because it's not fair on either of us  and I'm sorry I let her down,she said ""I agree"". 

I thought I was worth more to her than ""I agree""

Now I have now cut off contact with her after a goodbye message. But I'm worried now I seem like some creep angry I couldn't take her virginity (I'm a virgin too). I like her so obviously I wish she chose me, but that's not why I'm upset. 

I feel so lost, ive been shaking, I've done some self harm, I just wish I wasn't like this, I tried so hard.

Do I come off a creep?

I don't know what to say I just feel scared",0.5116819291819326,2.353216535714285,2.2280586080586104,97.09749694749695,82.81868131868131,5.253235653235653,20.275946275946275,6.286939319323684,-0.11109804639804688,1305,37,315,11,36,428,153,364,0.154,0.722,0.124,-0.9117,0,1,0,0,1,0,43.0,5,1,0,2,21,25,2,6,8,2,29,5,1,1,1,60,76,22,0,7,9,0,8,7,2,2,0,6,0,2,14,19,0,2,17,0,1,2,8,15,0,0,34,14,83,10,30,34,6,32,0,6,0,4,62,8,1,4,28,204,97,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049726579945300116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056227562373627415,0.0,0.13372646925243198,0.0,0.06222282836187613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762899788998133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298953754014294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966173507074196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218410446585304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299027944921886,0.06760162311406258,0.03820408170402338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848365162046651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310088296858523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632207778862253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040186837956074285,0.17881656888158154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477387201119044,0.0,0.25007160426793723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180664429835993,0.0798230865974293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757262208402713,0.0,0.0,0.058366588555130175,0.0,0.0,0.10844049898427624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862157878463675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918577186044011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684487361124525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062447185539164875,0.2782292916351247,0.05815085025537396,0.07320951608232068,0.0,0.0,0.06656901181439354,0.1525677998843217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195741942405866,0.0,0.07232114569632354,0.16371184739550673,0.05175728587298172,0.0,0.0,0.06113463389294585,0.0,0.15288940222460007,0.08370906845747234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497987386680192,0.11754801736478206,0.12782656170628431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468546732977115,0.0,0.17415599680509322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891093743961759,0.0,0.09929229766305707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795873054191804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580421385721521,0.17596610996785642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598270776829031,0.0,0.2522657176567185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742606017875619,0.07451923213453225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cupofemmy,2019/08/06,"Not sure how to Navigate this I’ve (23F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (25M) for 1.5 years. He’s been very accepting of my diagnoses and does his best to work around my feelings. I still can’t help but feel like he’s wasting his time and would be better off with someone who isn’t so fucked up. 

They say people with BPD are overly sexual but I feel like I am the opposite. I was overly sexual when I was younger (thanks trauma) but the older I get, the more stressful sex is for me. There’s no pain, no flashbacks, just overwhelming stress. Sex is literally fun for me once I’m in it but my brain keeps telling me no before we get there. He’s very sexual, so while he respects my boundaries and NEVER complains, I feel like I’m robbing him of one of his love languages. 

I also go through bouts of getting irrationally upset over nothing and treating him badly. I’ve started asking him to just leave me alone when I’m like that because I’m afraid of being mean to him, and he has been more than understanding and I don’t know what I’d do without his unwavering support. But my mood swings have worsened lately because of stress at work and I can’t imagine that it’s fun to watch me cry out of desperation over nothing, knowing he can’t do much to help me except be there. 

Unfortunately, no matter how badly I need it, I cannot afford therapy (no health insurance, live in US - got my diagnoses from a psychiatrist 2-3 years ago and haven’t been back). Are there any books or websites that helped you work through these feelings of self doubt? I’m worried I’m going to push him away. He’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and honestly I don’t think he would go anywhere. But that doesn’t mean he deserves to deal with my extreme ups and downs.

I know I need therapy, I need help. But it’s not an option at this point in time, hopefully soon but not right now. Any recommendations at all are welcome.",3.4596536796536803,4.95492745454546,4.494480519480522,85.6969588744589,73.15584415584415,7.522943722943723,27.119047619047624,8.131152278815165,1.6295904761904767,1510,55,312,23,30,492,195,385,0.187,0.6579999999999999,0.155,-0.9345,1,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,1,6,20,33,1,7,7,0,31,9,1,2,4,63,67,27,0,6,16,0,5,4,0,2,4,1,0,1,13,17,0,1,14,1,0,4,19,13,0,1,8,7,43,19,47,54,6,41,0,1,1,4,36,20,1,4,21,195,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796317779903518,0.0,0.0,0.0910906213527204,0.0,0.07033431342154832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196192737317903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829495932568427,0.08222223123773957,0.0,0.08263277801420885,0.06762882327963061,0.14687067743457718,0.10722812057648444,0.0,0.07483974914796993,0.0,0.18459811429371745,0.07778543537215102,0.0,0.0,0.1107710961680263,0.09818230612074523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660994817163993,0.0,0.09067352948320832,0.0,0.1785366508664817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076966436734999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955663617387469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235312143547034,0.1884964496527884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130920192872285,0.1378521661469254,0.0,0.14995359221433666,0.0,0.07034237966615323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348770784358172,0.0,0.0,0.2358065724717219,0.0,0.0,0.08735510162407242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817481265392917,0.0,0.0,0.14500656515601856,0.0,0.0992124608366096,0.09312731785200222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187349425242385,0.0,0.07766226759308269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937913289580313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160865609538666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465404088223599,0.1956434629007409,0.06783316617610444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878254631643294,0.0,0.0,0.09366485203258734,0.059597814896682574,0.0,0.09358597252722044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097408908325426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314204111659246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442636594729313,0.0,0.07510959922245036,0.0,0.0699420961796043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175198373332216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452052324887758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225210896531684,0.0,0.07023771280376599,0.0,0.302242421365276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980565390801477,0.0828926947301566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687297463327146,0.08097338419459027,0.2011590682308884,0.0,0.0,0.056355393805262936,0.0,0.0,0.102569769409501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156000228127606,0.10579411933585953,0.0,0.0,0.14513742852649678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478154168222138,0.0,0.1920879366575107,0.08931842148087861,0.0,0.12495561044701932,0.0,0.0,0.11327500889082655
bpd,chapter_10,2019/08/06,"I’m tired of this stupid disorder and I want to get better I’ve always believed therapy was a joke, I went once when I was 16 and the woman just kinda felt so fake and I didn’t really trust her 

Then I went again when I was 17 to a psychiatrist who gave me the weirdest looks every time I explained some ridiculous thing that I did, and then I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I’m tired of spending so much energy every day to control my emotions,  I want this to end, I don’t want to constantly idealize suicide and hope that one day I can just die quickly and all of this will end.

I need advice. I’m 18 now and I don’t want this stupid disorder. What do I do?? 

I’ve read so many “emotional self-help” books, I would say I’ve become better at controlling myself but I still spend SO much energy every day on this and I hate it so much. What can I do now?

Thanks",1.17159951159951,3.1770418131868112,3.265421245421248,89.66013431013431,81.41758241758242,6.901587301587303,21.1001221001221,7.984000788550335,0.9638744810744811,678,20,148,13,18,230,98,182,0.16699999999999998,0.688,0.14400000000000002,-0.8008,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,5,14,12,4,0,4,0,14,4,0,2,1,27,33,18,2,8,3,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,12,9,0,2,2,3,2,2,3,5,0,1,10,3,23,7,11,21,5,20,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,3,16,95,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083061387572079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222313857999577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224079387765208,0.0,0.12487246739032155,0.0,0.19604812282765932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977266243609,0.2486205132766249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443714742893866,0.0,0.0,0.11249463055278594,0.1150286573757152,0.0,0.3810776351673568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493476696988513,0.1963328450864668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801484052814426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641845018256993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057906423980127165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864443210224142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942607018350638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428999346460029,0.0,0.0,0.11008361405244672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930730210239954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236873299835036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24442821373067414,0.08218233799529784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803506869933607,0.07510428963484395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086444027151522,0.0,0.07100338475986884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814000074075723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562450020734727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851253246193533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123489574569628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204146762438633,0.12674884934354316,0.0,0.0736334816419601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462845729214076,0.2547757846026024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614921136033333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548928535102665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873361107937248,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meghoob,2019/08/06,"Recently diagnosed, have some questions Is this common/normal? I feel like a lot of my negative actions won’t have consequences. Not in that I feel invincible or that I’m above anything it’s more that I feel pretty insignificant so the bad or hurtful things i do or say to myself or towards others can be brushed off or I can just kind of turn it into a dark joke. Like for example a few months ago I tried committing suicide and came out of the hospital feeling shameful. when discussing it with my friends or family in the past ive struggled to be able to understand why they were so hurt because more or less “it’s only me, what’s the big deal?” I hate being shitty to people or making my loved ones sad but I really really really have a hard time imagining that anyone cares enough about me to be that effected, even though I’ve seen what my stupid actions can do to people. I hope this doesn’t come off as super selfish and toxic.",4.103502304147464,5.554824634408604,5.324761904761908,80.55000000000003,71.47311827956989,8.755145929339479,27.80184331797235,9.23628265651192,2.397177880184332,746,27,142,16,14,248,120,186,0.177,0.6779999999999999,0.145,-0.7624,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,2,7,18,2,2,8,0,17,2,0,2,1,31,32,16,1,1,11,0,5,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,15,7,0,0,8,1,0,4,4,9,0,1,3,8,18,9,20,24,7,18,0,3,1,1,7,8,0,12,8,104,33,0,0.14457704033758229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815882297982176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109162818766236,0.0,0.11897458543563673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071578969487193,0.0881328218742176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535761838317806,0.14740592817880013,0.0,0.0,0.12454031852479648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905258023150966,0.0,0.14674265261985528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493867305476992,0.0,0.0954917716044312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362943666031912,0.0,0.2924099825947516,0.10328586650502737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169986272596112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951263031768429,0.14273989545625046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359762289682326,0.0,0.0,0.30954542378970706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055473939721073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126607808110914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291422957112387,0.13048642356919002,0.0,0.0965062970844532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540001425203605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796914421595893,0.10995735406768188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801514423532868,0.20046303164603352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708682640754922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195937318815828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27785926244085946,0.0,0.14275238542925572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497346537393838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114331360174496,0.0,0.1581438163261251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605056138840797,0.0,0.14204620807394655,0.0,0.08430403487860423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815832010304333,0.15725830354504813,0.0,0.15050979777460208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045829138457254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chem2499,2019/08/06,"BPD Treatment Success Survey (MOD APPROVED) Hello Everyone!

My name is Shannon and I am a junior undergraduate chemistry student pursuing a psychological science minor. For my Research Methods and Statistics class, I am doing a research proposal on BPD and the effects that comorbid disorders may have on treatment success. I would really appreciate it if you took the time to complete this \~10 min anonymous survey:               \*Please be aware that this survey contains questions about Eating Disorders\* 

[https://forms.gle/cajJBsuWDVRHGdKo7](https://forms.gle/cajJBsuWDVRHGdKo7)

Thank you so much!",11.048095238095236,15.748250476190474,9.96428571428572,40.24738095238098,62.0952380952381,9.447619047619048,43.85714285714286,9.725611199111238,6.136842857142858,496,29,46,12,9,156,65,84,0.0,0.846,0.154,0.9257,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,4,2,3,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,0,10,10,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,5,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,36,12,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.549730511142997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882016765866905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5002431949432607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331369122849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085373806966312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043128655032207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956164857757986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24447840451070696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980993674083095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009257894078648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725732098871262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424723308381278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503121747804108,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angel1043,2019/08/06,"DAE get emotionally drained very easily? I have BPD + anxiety (amongst other things) and it’s really hard for me to go to school/work because I get emotionally drained so easily. I don’t know if this is a BPD thing or if it’s just my anxiety/depression but the thought of going out alone stresses me out. I have to go out and run errands today and I’m not looking forward to it. I don’t even know how to describe why or how I feel so drained, but it’s frustrating and taking a toll on my life. Even cooking a small meal leaves me feeling burnt out. Anyone else experience this? If you do, then how do you deal with the feeling of being emotionally drained?",2.9596650717703383,4.652600045112784,4.563048530416953,83.88302802460697,74.86466165413535,8.144634313055366,29.384142173615857,8.841846274778883,2.359156390977444,518,23,107,11,11,174,78,133,0.17800000000000002,0.768,0.054000000000000006,-0.9468,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,8,2,1,1,5,0,8,3,0,3,0,27,22,17,0,3,9,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,9,2,0,6,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,5,13,0,14,20,0,13,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,5,3,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530844190476969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307264718838897,0.0,0.0,0.10335072793137524,0.15144667173792456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010233051581487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723177787644424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238346580371218,0.1273067369807174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347454317046097,0.4987920157227308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525146213797087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458449886969052,0.0,0.0,0.2242083624828041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444706568530786,0.0,0.25200792581443304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240685563785745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246272452173555,0.0,0.0,0.15650723575197362,0.0,0.0,0.10440109859213498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241214186923056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946895324916813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958949680997946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931346242226025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111331539946638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963940163132268,0.0,0.0,0.11734297086557027,0.0,0.0,0.14010461670612448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195700610067167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337364944058294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760591944082228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GrandMasterBaiters,2019/08/06,"Does anyone else go to the bar and drink just so they don't feel lonely? I do it a lot since I turned 21 two years ago, just talking with people around me or being around people make me feel less lonely. I spend too much and it's a noticable hole in my pocket and I have tried to stop but I can't.

Anyone else have issues with this and have been able to stop it?",1.9662447257383961,2.9408960253164587,3.286772151898738,94.94931434599155,76.08860759493672,5.772995780590718,15.698312236286919,5.46131890053228,-0.9149257383966248,282,2,68,1,6,92,53,79,0.065,0.892,0.043,-0.3919,0,4,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,1,0,18,13,7,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,2,2,2,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,2,9,0,8,11,3,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,46,13,0,0.18218217159627886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149350287687225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547720206531918,0.3733343281867512,0.0,0.3243615151680865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942884606789318,0.0,0.0,0.17846917068725218,0.0,0.0,0.30437965452605314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423355984170792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353832650795727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901508547323682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488476739504806,0.0,0.0,0.12160801420826302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392485827259348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074156098576667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526043578203926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070297496305696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046249060642579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643112859108118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236897357620522,0.1981618877692318,0.17796550954467474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731934543088116
bpd,jakewalle,2019/08/06,"Cant seem to follow my ""coping mechanisms"". Anyone else? Hello reddit people.

I was diagnosed with BPD after I met a girl who I think has BPD but maybe not diagnosed.. she has daddy issues anyway so it might just be that part. It was a super attraction which was energy based and not based on how she looked which is why im so frustrated by it because it doesnt make any fucking sense. After this interraction my life has been a damn rollercoaster... and I went to a psychiatrist to see if I had some mental illness which I do. Borderline with narcissistic traits and im also passive-aggressive. Very nice. 

Im going to see if I have ADD or if im on the autistic spectrum but wouldnt suprice me if im just borderline.. or vulnerable narcissist. The issue of course is that this combination seem to be hard to treat and thats where im going with this topic here.. 

I did go to a cognitive behavior therapist because I told a stupid joke in school which got me into legal issues. I even told the dude that it was a joke but what ever... so my mom found a CBT person and we resolved the issue with that I would go to that therapist. What I learned there was good and all but I feel like I cant maintain the ""coping mechanisms"" or helping things. For example.. it was a situation analysis that I did. How I feel, what I think and what I do or something along those lines. Or no.. it was how I feel, what I think and what the consequences is if I act on this thought. But as you can imagen this is pretty hard to do if im in a full rage mode in front of the computer and just typing away and then say ""fuck it! send!"" and a few seconds later I might regret it. Thats how all of my issues have been almost. A ""fuck it!"" and then I just act. Maybe someone here can relate... this has gotten me into legal issues which is why it has been an issue to begin with. This mainly has the nature of anger, aggression but also sexual. I do control myself with people I see some value in how ever.. which is something I dont say often of course because then im viewed as a fucking asshole because I dont see everybody as fucking equal.. anyway.. im glad that I live where I live and that I have the parents I have so that im not completely fucked. I would without a doubt have killed myself if I didnt so there is something im greatful for. 

So is this common for us with bpd? Or is it just a cluster b personality issue in general?",2.200744750965068,3.952935748987855,4.249574428019962,85.05729827699842,77.13765182186235,7.267413614537237,23.229262781282358,8.133680483312611,1.3061594576781843,1876,58,386,33,43,643,202,494,0.09699999999999999,0.772,0.13,0.9428,1,0,3,0,0,0,64.0,2,1,0,3,30,26,13,1,25,0,52,10,0,7,4,88,86,51,1,11,28,2,5,1,0,5,4,2,0,3,46,25,0,1,12,2,0,10,12,15,0,1,22,13,47,11,44,57,9,34,0,1,6,6,19,14,7,22,11,293,93,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184606338091703,0.0,0.0,0.08281030277779132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035209372900319814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03620289814753589,0.053050506188519184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864514227724167,0.0,0.0,0.12624838004762196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956297196872566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054286023606710296,0.0,0.05807105041218408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510285375627616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136188816238673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432521028122984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034197479487672336,0.0936684927889372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853831969311753,0.03698869799801927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567695784283821,0.0,0.2871957926133072,0.0,0.0,0.11770169987500728,0.0434271504572978,0.041409899911526486,0.057083088911885224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276203476526508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470428001895077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6151951700889536,0.43232452347904704,0.0,0.0,0.05728233840665616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365708342309072,0.02529507897023073,0.0,0.09143809871644658,0.0,0.04347869791327364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034560800993911546,0.0,0.10403165835575724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521779077852024,0.10985205018388726,0.0,0.06063928321961973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749098589343754,0.056068230972264994,0.0,0.07178975002317088,0.09041740016280464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052674682273310916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234851354604908,0.0,0.052399953298333454,0.16503468710904404,0.09426963057411332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819825684057455,0.0,0.0,0.04386953389601412,0.11957880259868398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202315712980055,0.03439759308756056,0.0995276771141208,0.0,0.04110426416537948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894814156648893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062280006927801,0.0,0.0,0.04272052223156778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047996758157706994,0.09343935437917199,0.0,0.0,0.049910099318050134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735601972317769,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,we_aint_shit,2019/08/06,"Little things that help me relax with my bpd if I focus enough  * remembering to slow down, and that I have all the time in the world * 
    
*philosophy among a few other things. remembering that (in my beliefs) all that really matters is happiness,  that is most logical answer to the meaning of life*
 
*treating myself like I do others, and putting myself first every once in a while* 


I will add later💕🤙",2.2674666666666674,5.03050454666667,4.022666666666666,81.06466666666667,83.53333333333333,6.533333333333335,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.3976666666666675,311,10,55,6,9,104,55,75,0.0,0.826,0.174,0.902,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,2,15,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,4,9,5,5,12,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,5,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936777247080934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093372680637826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964613153928988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833986965276698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24822079257454874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629333840315132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646995058539047,0.11391829293879226,0.23370417885405026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539976406440545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483254348979745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344068546760111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937888031086322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282871930579415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098243014263541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596713197783986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boringanddumb,2019/08/06,"I’m worried I’m incapable of love The longest I kept a relationship was my first serious boyfriend, and that was 1 year. The others only lasted 3-6 months. I either get bored of them, or they leave me. A lot of them haven’t been particularly healthy either, but I can’t go into specifics since I block out most of my memories. I’m asexual as well, and have been single/without sex for 3 years now since some trauma I endured. I don’t know if anyone could love me for me, especially since I don’t know if I’ll ever want sex again, and I’m afraid that I could never truly love someone. I don’t know if I ever have, or if it was just intense emotions. I don’t wanna be alone anymore but I’m afraid to get close to someone, especially because I’m sure they are only gonna use me because they’re lonely. And I don’t know if I’d be doing the same thing. What does love even feel like? And am I able to feel it? Am I able to be happy with another person?",3.0358620689655176,3.6505631034482815,4.945788177339903,85.42981527093599,73.13793103448276,7.573399014778326,25.83004926108375,7.7094869923839395,1.2350157635467978,742,23,164,9,14,256,109,203,0.113,0.696,0.191,0.9687,0,4,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,1,7,14,0,2,5,0,23,6,0,1,4,42,46,15,0,9,12,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,6,0,0,1,8,6,1,1,6,2,24,8,15,34,6,14,0,1,0,6,10,3,0,10,11,103,31,0,0.2496477340704051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292798813398285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088870817987086,0.0,0.0,0.12379173492529093,0.0872797501304827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218294154282586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993234016342132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092342072157018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041004958141676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244498693482369,0.22582066806918905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622939542111095,0.08917419555093667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617511753384126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043063722154613,0.0,0.07094028020325026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328773275493492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274399731585632,0.10174811165329377,0.0,0.13217045204669453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098263633633525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612078800960256,0.4506336537936649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963321977834247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627186140485967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898683513182856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899138601414138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401411916763384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097667781173101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115257149403364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764501745089075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292743076914816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780774354747144,0.0,0.0,0.07362435085224027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223164720843357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032575347185258,0.0,0.0,0.12676469606894306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076495571886593
bpd,XtremeNugget666,2019/08/06,"newb who feels lost everything has been going downhill lately but like 1000x faster than usual. the urges to self harm are coming back just so i can have some sense of control again. i can’t get over the “trauma” that i went through when my group of friends basically kicked me out because i didn’t act like a “normal” person with a mental illness. i also feel as if i’m faking it all which is making me extremely paranoid. i don’t even know where to begin when it comes to tackling my problems. 

if you have any tips please help",6.115142857142858,5.971899704761902,5.956904761904763,83.5239285714286,66.23809523809524,8.142857142857144,28.92857142857143,7.1686216300943375,1.5012857142857141,419,12,83,3,6,131,85,105,0.195,0.664,0.141,-0.7709999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,9,8,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,2,1,17,22,8,0,4,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,5,3,5,0,0,4,2,11,3,11,18,2,16,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,3,10,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902302630991226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373078137524456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625213614866872,0.0,0.12884195895064293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641326412984385,0.0,0.0,0.2370561235116068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396000565458068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995506566033804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373804998551035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329477284490382,0.0,0.1104259034319925,0.0,0.12011970037157108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166890442242933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615690495466738,0.0,0.23842118537151774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651781987896506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307223746546176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410831980982006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299929077761212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708609930645308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454977332470515,0.0,0.2320077654722881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224119318244824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049263305658007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327811281587872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959311110997722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ivyroom,2019/08/06,"Can someone just take the wheel of my life for me So I'm at an interim in my life. I was recently broken up with because of my crazy drunkenness and had been living with my ex but things went downhill quickly. I was struggling to find somewhere else to live and had been unemployed for a year so my mom offered for me to stay with her if I had plans on going to treatment. I had my eye on this one treatment centre that seemed to offer far more than the average rehab in terms of psychoeducational tools and holistic therapies and even continuing education classes provided by a well known university in this area. The facilities looked wonderful and I was really set on going there - come to find out they only accept people who have failed at the community level (non provincial services) so I was informed that I could essentially find a loophole in their system by attending another treatment centre for a short period of time which would qualify me as failing at  the community level. I did exactly that and felt quite guilty for essentially lying about my commitment to that particular program but I felt I had to do what was necessary to get where I wanted to be and to receive the help I thought would be the most beneficial. I was informed, after this two day long process, that the gatekeeper of the program I was vying for was telling my case manager that they only accept people in the midst of the overdose crisis. I do not know why they didn't just tell me that from the beginning (they knew that I was solely struggling with alcohol). Anyways this only further pushed my recovery plans back and I have already stayed at my mom's house for nearly three weeks. I am finally on a wait list but I feel that I have worn my mom out. I've tried my best to contribute and be as respectful as I can but there comes a certain point where I can't handle it. I feel horrible for having to rely on her, I feel horrible for being unemployed, horrible for pushing my ex to the brink, horrible for leaving my cat with him and putting him out even more and also for not being able to see her for the next three months. I feel horrible that I need help and that I've always seemed to need help on an institutional level. I've been in and out of therapy since I was a child and now apparently I need to remove myself from society for three months just to get help with the very thing I used to deal with my mental health for so long...I just feel like I'm  at my wits end. There's more adding to my anxiety but I don't even want to mention it for fear of sounding absolutely batshit. I don't even have a BPD diagnosis but I swear to god if I posted this anywhere else I would get more than a few proverbial raised eyebrows. Fuckkk everything.",7.040267338240991,6.640326082397008,7.611978561281159,73.28544943820229,64.3932584269663,11.110835593439235,34.518662017305964,10.630303351738835,3.5814641095182767,2184,86,412,50,29,725,246,534,0.12300000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.096,-0.9454,5,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,5,6,26,12,0,3,26,0,42,6,1,1,3,77,77,30,0,11,14,5,7,1,0,3,5,1,0,1,23,27,1,1,21,0,0,11,6,5,1,5,26,11,66,7,87,42,8,69,0,2,3,0,30,34,0,6,20,303,89,10,0.08295314788800963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865168742908601,0.0,0.0,0.09154086145511338,0.06633760239589444,0.0690236642809503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698360837878319,0.06345893108157696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378585033364195,0.0,0.05056746900924864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705421090594424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447658585234187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291358346366367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623133862949866,0.0,0.0,0.053497917845064025,0.08552105301203736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859342148996914,0.0,0.07347186723002942,0.0,0.0,0.21915908732103973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455294047188965,0.0,0.0,0.0933453537219118,0.20971802017695104,0.05926174542601675,0.15929606152645162,0.09087111879347907,0.2274530230399681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001878801970124,0.0,0.09428837120159826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817531714087985,0.0,0.0,0.22240698580808574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957167951599335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455888806670156,0.0,0.0,0.08783540612439532,0.0,0.0,0.11718452313866995,0.04052671793273385,0.0,0.14649829871446735,0.14682185099511413,0.06965975194177113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359726228250658,0.0,0.0,0.2914611726941297,0.13242482245002976,0.0,0.0,0.18452612419031653,0.0,0.0,0.08822161386184284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621119985325663,0.18926882094251035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501853594031218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841753758110691,0.0,0.07944618530871381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339082544063578,0.0,0.08823088368370162,0.0,0.0,0.05314191067380775,0.0,0.08190622599708162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661029188864814,0.15103486066978916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861970114713913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028593301237096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683403676217646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344128246385476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237044356515105,0.0,0.14500941512423401,0.0,0.189728308096926,0.0,0.11022077094640566,0.0,0.0,0.06585553346654441,0.04837064762504272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631974222832198,0.0,0.08103317192276746,0.0,0.0,0.0716448857608612,0.0,0.06844503456405063,0.0978558317325998,0.0,0.06654001157901501,0.0,0.07458484222388766,0.07689839916421065,0.07485231343215136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899591503401676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678260865267215,0.0,0.0,0.053419107514091936
bpd,SparklyChipmunk,2019/08/06,"My friend has a demeaning attitude and it upsets me. I know I'm whining like a btch, but my friend always comments about how im always indoors, hiding from the world, not taking in fresh air. Thing is, i go out daily or every couple of days, but I do so with my bf or other friends who actually ask and make time for me... But her words make me feel like she thinks that's not even an option. Like im not good enough to actually have other people in my life... or that if I don't have her, my life just somehow stops and I don't do anything.

It's like she thinks me unable to just function, and another friend/work colleague keeps blaming any time I say something isnt working as it should on my ""irrational BPD irritability"". Why do people always blame us or our BPD on their shortcomings when relating to us? Am i the only one feeling that? How do you stand up to people like these, knowing they won't take you seriously because ""urgh you're just overreacting or seeing things cause of your BPD""? Thanks for allowing me to vent",7.344174757281554,5.825636815533983,7.7381747572815565,76.27454368932042,64.33980582524272,10.570097087378642,33.221359223300965,9.3871,2.7460675728155346,808,26,163,12,10,267,126,206,0.107,0.7440000000000001,0.149,0.8824,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,3,3,2,1,10,13,0,1,5,0,14,2,0,6,0,39,30,18,0,2,15,0,2,5,4,2,2,1,0,0,12,6,0,2,6,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,0,4,30,10,19,28,1,15,0,1,1,0,20,8,0,8,10,107,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.21076286028886848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695658409545331,0.0,0.0,0.0734360445268558,0.11323560688039652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886552964740489,0.0,0.10095489206548132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582893200674109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080241033091278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093418018148704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948748395979478,0.0,0.06964380194074632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158123294825163,0.0,0.07132554258982933,0.0,0.09098516877959424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920470066074987,0.07714717557915643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337273225652011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137248806857579,0.09057582944419952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332927347151137,0.0,0.0,0.0959853515881505,0.0,0.0,0.11869557185642478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255127767076873,0.26378921187081483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416664152798006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317596323598058,0.08213030095522338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245973803991921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587697833483877,0.0,0.0,0.08605304236265872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313500590657869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028341988598236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238818232843236,0.0,0.0,0.0994215206579007,0.0,0.0,0.1434858374073354,0.13838964506977847,0.0,0.0,0.12593820240631742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25979430959086125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744303893420388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723417394069356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,threelegsdog,2019/08/06,"How you deal with this? 
Hi
I feel horrible, I don't know how to complete my day.. This unreasonable pain makes me crazy I don't know what to do.",-1.4651612903225804,0.4807140967742001,0.9118709677419368,99.56780645161292,101.58064516129032,5.060645161290323,15.877419354838713,6.742157984588678,-0.28835999999999995,111,3,28,2,5,37,22,31,0.28600000000000003,0.7140000000000001,0.0,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,7,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,17,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422867646756141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27204916518513605,0.43489414195631465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329283311045005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636597993628527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28157864291068485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488629862909432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floursforhours,2019/08/06,"A letter to the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Okay so are we sure we want to do this?

I know you said you wanna still be friends but in bpd terms your my fp and I don’t think I can go back to being just friends with you. Like I’ll probably always be attracted to you now and moving on just fucking kills me. 

I’m not gonna lie you broke up with me so this hurts like a bitch. I want you to do better but at the same time I wanna drag you down with me. 

I miss cuddling you. It sucks too because I wish we could have worked things out. I felt like I had no control. You said everything was good and it wasn’t... 

Like I literally tried. I stopped threatening to break up etc. and that when you got distant and broke it off. 

It really confuses me because I was argumentative and aggressive before, the entire time... its sad because I felt like we had something and I guess we didn’t. I wander why the fuck you held on that long if you just weren’t playing games. Its like once you got me you were done, if that is the case I’d wish you would have admitted it. 

Or like when we were walking by that lake one time and you didn’t want to go any further. Like thats the kinda stuff that I like to do. But you finally say this isn’t your thing, even though we’ve hiked around before.... or like when I wanted to go to church but instead you show up late so we can’t go instead of just telling me you don’t wanna go! Its like I can’t tell if we are that incompatible if you didn’t show it. 

Or how you say the distance was too much etc. I was willing to fight through that after I came back after breaking up with you. I thought it was worth it. 

The only thing that really pisses me off about you is that you are not blunt and will not out right say things. I think this is what kept us so apart too. Its like there is things you wouldn’t out right say to avoid arguments and instead of find a solution, compromising or you blatantly telling me no, it built up and you run away. Thats something I feel like I can’t change in you at all. Or how I had a higher sex drive than you, but you’d never admit that. Or how you didn’t like period sex, but I literally had to dig that truth outta you instead of you saying it. 

I felt like that letter you sent was complete bs. Idk what was true and what wasn’t. 

I played myself for fucks sake. 

Like in all honesty I know you see a therapist and shit but you seem pretty stable. But then again though, I have no fucking idea. 

It’d be easier if you told me you never loved me honestly. It’d be easier. 

Also if these are my final words to you then so be it. When you sent that letter, that was not ending on a good note and you know that. It made me second guess myself and I can’t help but doubt that was your intention. 

Its like I called your bluff though. Once I stopped threatening to leave. Thats when you finally left. 

I can’t help but feel like you were never fucking serious. Idk what the fuck happened. I know admitting all this to you would make it seem like its not my fault. In a lot of ways I feel like it wasn’t. 

Like whats the point of me writing this message if I know you’ll never want to admit you were wrong in someways. I’m writing this for validation and I want you back, but odds are you don’t want me back and I’d rather have you tell me straight up. Or just don’t reply and leave it to a bitch to get a fucking clue. 

What really killed me to was the distance where you’d say your busy and to not assume you didn’t miss me. Its like you were waiting for me to break up with you. 

I couldn’t stand how cloudy you made things seem. I felt like even as a borderline, I was upfront honest with you. I could never tell what you wanted or if I was doing anything right. 

I’m honestly left confused as hell. 

I’m writing this because I fucking miss you and I’m a fucking parasite that will probably never love anybody like this again. 

Its like you finally got a borderline attached to you and once you got that you were done. You manipulated a fucking broken borderline. You knew I had no one else. So fucking stupid for you to stay. I should have called it off in August. Would have saved me so much fucking pain. 

Idk who the fuck to trust anymore. In all honesty I hate you. I hate that we fucking started this shit. I remember when we started this stupid fucking relationship. I had to fucking take you outside and tell you what I expected.

And this was all new to me too so what do I know. I regret it. I regret it all. This whole relationship caused me nothing but pain as fake as it was I said I loved you and I fucking meant it. You knew I was easily manipulated. You knew eventually I would fucking cave.",0.7074196526455481,2.8613416850152937,2.3212764218260173,94.90384758525188,84.2395514780836,5.536749177773932,19.652270497951648,6.851287617568111,0.1318993826091983,3647,102,833,45,106,1189,304,981,0.195,0.634,0.172,-0.9905,1,1,2,0,1,0,92.0,11,75,0,3,50,97,33,4,26,1,93,30,3,12,16,190,195,80,2,34,40,0,7,25,2,11,3,9,0,1,83,46,0,7,32,5,2,13,37,52,0,3,64,17,173,45,86,107,15,99,2,9,1,24,130,38,25,27,67,591,256,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02784341186577892,0.028970813590614382,0.0,0.0,0.023676983136506936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03452944266355181,0.0,0.0,0.028651701768998436,0.030994811685352276,0.0,0.0,0.032712034282234265,0.10708953220524836,0.0,0.08489730202981584,0.0,0.05925397883588614,0.0,0.0,0.03079310522653355,0.0,0.0,0.04385121718534102,0.0,0.07110478789485725,0.03982175814943041,0.0,0.035766996035015736,0.036832125992763635,0.0,0.03650531547730071,0.0,0.03905060408832324,0.05559762105593174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126044826224252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029085417448487173,0.0,0.030837826299856458,0.0,0.07766106873317699,0.04599304551279328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03129157751248771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052814075280694484,0.07462053765227626,0.1337204146513426,0.15256276355429751,0.03182241530137201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053799576485074815,0.5793852072712649,0.018190621579986396,0.0,0.11872497009397608,0.05840626085303838,0.11138642027682884,0.0,0.0767104442203967,0.0,0.030788856173985062,0.0,0.0,0.06874982417758428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046674654223441074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03727267942941858,0.03930453555716082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704044967309043,0.0,0.11480818736886875,0.0,0.03927547273739167,0.07373306543472112,0.07565827717439971,0.0,0.024592514834744908,0.4252498048675302,0.0,0.0,0.030812247658245088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029600454886587788,0.0942720181621526,0.06589001234372201,0.023240842846979054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700531919116385,0.05118949774291765,0.0,0.16111966055724286,0.033626801090757955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03340817393550875,0.0,0.0,0.11123798295406,0.04718625733994567,0.026480153761575732,0.07409620286807392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03291363747728822,0.0,0.0,0.03542174884616349,0.07507795631329292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691463300383778,0.0,0.0,0.0747615799503561,0.039441255651997936,0.08920144682539374,0.0993577818951192,0.16612886336255994,0.0,0.0,0.02774490981905589,0.09508918802844167,0.0,0.0,0.07147899230202945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360817417620097,0.0,0.0,0.04928778074639256,0.037110648709262735,0.027805170349560773,0.058217705594555476,0.0,0.0,0.0398575209560054,0.0,0.0,0.032814928130498036,0.0,0.026178304396230298,0.0,0.1825913233473888,0.0,0.0,0.04042561186985455,0.13878654989561626,0.0446190874480725,0.10262357064535126,0.05528215297883799,0.06090680769562501,0.0,0.0,0.03326945762270561,0.0,0.02363868639205929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041880969534611776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642893398612042,0.027636381542654867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0314172312041044,0.0388723134259848,0.08007643865644491,0.0,0.0,0.025347436050391768,0.0,0.0,0.09893294914997396,0.03806729235531061,0.0,0.0
bpd,sarahjonesislost,2019/08/06,"I used to not understand how people could get trapped in bad relationships. If something was abusive, felt bad, just leave. I never understood it because it seemed so obvious how to remedy it. But now I’m in it. I’m not in immediate danger- just more of the kind of emotional abuse and mind games I experienced as a child. And even though I should have more power and control as an adult with resources, even though I would feel awful if my friend told me she was in the same situation, I can’t do it for myself. the BPD kicks in. Fear of abandonment or loss is stronger than anything else. I get why people stay now.",3.026776859504132,5.174628702479343,4.108264462809917,85.20057851239672,76.02479338842974,7.705785123966942,25.876033057851238,8.575989854853784,1.8443652892561981,487,18,98,10,11,158,84,121,0.23199999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.972,1,1,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,11,8,1,1,5,1,9,0,0,4,2,29,20,14,0,5,8,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,5,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,3,11,2,15,12,3,9,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,4,3,69,16,0,0.0,0.3774529073566981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107782687438424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659923264231766,0.09709854188842053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006136424563266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865145893595158,0.1271759598461678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330620199672442,0.17917397236009874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041222981298446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923969532267395,0.08053918602563995,0.0,0.15293839701525927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306304926111095,0.0,0.16643947821478694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587061844818615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865961512323574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083225133768134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285026524691535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085606317181086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101227551152834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500690891485046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790428004711345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262522886726145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977641418745204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129930346368327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220346217592612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658211049306044,0.0,0.1375709339905808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437297660657611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131513590833549,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Yes_Mr_Lister_Sir,2019/08/06,"If you've ever felt too sensitive, watch this video... I know it doesn't really fix anything - but it made me feel less like a freak.",3.1133333333333333,4.2203160740740735,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,73.44444444444444,8.362962962962964,20.907407407407405,8.841846274778883,0.990718518518518,102,2,23,2,2,33,26,27,0.126,0.7709999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.1586,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,5,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38709101839564597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254948262778687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378433964220221,0.0,0.4516483166078767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585141278697077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298088698058876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450945389887849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013439788423885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bryanisinfynite,2019/08/06,"Manipulative things you did you didn't realize were manipulation. I recently saw a comment by someone mentioning a manipulative tactic they use when cutting people off and realized I do that too. What things have you realized you do and are willing to share? Maybe this can help us realize our bad habits and start correcting them. 

Example: when I'm feeling bad and want to cry, I do so in a way that people might notice (like waiting for the right moment or sniffling loudly to be heard) so that they intentionally feel bad for me, ask me what's wrong, and I can feel acknowledged.",9.736388888888893,8.254325787037036,9.76918518518519,63.49433333333333,59.648148148148145,13.454814814814815,40.11851851851853,12.340626583579946,4.98476074074074,467,20,82,13,5,155,73,108,0.159,0.758,0.084,-0.8913,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,4,3,0,5,7,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,5,1,23,24,10,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,6,15,2,8,16,0,9,0,0,1,0,15,3,0,2,6,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842226107393612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936055473821309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645893826589327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298915307358531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208381041325304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627257540763792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797122763726452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090473763188936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435181670061005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732303832984693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945709823269458,0.0,0.0,0.1682864384978626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669665872588269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947865273154972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26183313191160296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237036487231423,0.17019482501475858,0.0,0.0,0.11622990239661796,0.15641545249434666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215451966814122,0.0,0.0
bpd,shitsgayyo,2019/08/06,"Theme songs? Sooooo have y’all heard Bitch by Meredith brooks? BECAUSE I HAVE AND HELLLOOOOOO THEME SOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG

I feel like I may have already said this or something but yolo you know? Lol 

So I was just wondering if anyone else has thoughts on this or their own song they like to listen to so they don’t feel so alone 🤷🏼‍♀️❤️",0.2238502673796781,2.5865487647058814,0.35620320855615084,103.51927807486628,98.11764705882356,3.6491978609625666,17.946524064171122,5.565023196281405,-0.6316941176470583,268,8,60,2,11,78,53,68,0.085,0.742,0.17300000000000001,0.7241,0,1,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,12,15,8,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,9,2,4,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,1,5,2,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123853227580088,0.3328430036818717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089834421397652,0.3090433221472223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838635556415568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519631668634041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050142839048522,0.21547598566895532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576138496516496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29471067481079777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28690782271626825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220030035881636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23945103006076485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32709189461334165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlackLabel6661,2019/08/06,"Why do I have a hard time admitting im wrong? Same goes with apologizing. I don't know what has gotten into me. When Im arguing with my SO, I can say some of the most hurtful shit without even thinking about he's feeling. Then it sometimes gets to a point where he cries, and I just cant say I'm sorry. Im surprised he's even dealt with me for 6 years when I can barely deal with myself. I know when im wrong i just cant admit to it. 

I looked it up on google and found an article on PsychologyToday and apparently I have a fragile ego, extremely low self-esteem, and Im psychologically weak. I feel like shit, not only knowing this but also knowing that people have to deal with me. I think it's only getting worse. I grew up in an abusive household. My dad was an angry drunk and my mom loved to argue and say hurtful shit. Maybe I just learned this behavior. I don't know. I know Im fucked up in the head. But again, I cant admit it out loud.

Hopefully a therapist can help me with this problem. I am hurting the people around me because of my way I see myself. Not being able to admit Im wrong nor apologize, when I know I should is extremely shameful. I even lose sympathy when arguing, no matter who it is. What is wrong with me?",1.0632402732402717,3.09119303861004,3.4664285714285725,87.9526098901099,81.93436293436292,6.301217701217703,22.702851202851203,7.468242284971852,0.9376734778734784,963,33,208,15,26,333,134,259,0.32799999999999996,0.597,0.076,-0.9973,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,17,23,7,1,10,0,20,8,4,0,0,48,45,17,0,3,8,2,4,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,13,16,1,0,17,1,0,1,10,19,0,0,3,10,33,4,27,40,3,24,0,5,2,2,22,13,4,3,10,134,46,1,0.0788846485240046,0.09346540918776038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308402492440797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702240617030572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048087349559397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665108226589026,0.0,0.16265321762991153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563076991137979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977289702444265,0.05635520866744696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649294545230514,0.0,0.07292758643015068,0.08242794601998626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066515055346663,0.0,0.08095840760727889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052874717088614784,0.0,0.0,0.07835025523173528,0.0,0.0,0.253342943328163,0.0,0.596462699557026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034705787190617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853905465132181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624323715375538,0.08825174378672851,0.0,0.0,0.07119647515522019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925023225977293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238874694829978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199906597618163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937736556599792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457149062691182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548195503298342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819671611272407,0.0,0.0,0.06286085164375776,0.0,0.08229389251311682,0.0,0.24292187432109336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780189344654804,0.08830490564132522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159115697012317,0.0,0.10109219510336044,0.0,0.0,0.045998272927886184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261496222020263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118112557073167,0.0,0.0,0.07604198617189327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803901961500251,0.0,0.3449919185656465,0.0,0.05079912731466405
bpd,poppyfrost69,2019/08/06,"Lack of Identity My entire self is completely dependent on how other people see me. I have a combination of this and histrionic traits where (and I know it's shallow) how much attention my appearance gets dictates how I feel about myself and where I belong + fills the chronic feelings of emptiness. I want to be a woman people remember, even at the store. At the same time, I have contradicting paranoia that holds me back from this feed where I also am hypervigilant and overly suspicious of random people. If it weren't for this driving strive to be noticed, I would make myself avoid all these places, yet at the same time, I crave to feel danger and adrenaline that comes for being noticed. It's strange, but that's the best I can describe how I feel. How much of this is bpd and how much of it is hpd stuff? I know the chronic feelings of emptiness and lack of identity is all bpd. Is the attention factor using my physical appearance to please those other symptoms hpd stuff? I also initially daydream of meeting other people, like a soulmate, who will love me. My identity is practically tied to such unrealistic goals. I'm a shy person who has been isolated and lonely throughout middle + high school. I can't find much out there about bpd and hpd comorbidity. From what I know, hpd can be higher functioning, but these symptoms still in the end like with bpd bullshit, bites people in the ass. It leads to depression. I think it makes sense for my case. But there aren't much resources out there on bpd/hpd comorbidity. Does anyone know any clinical articles or websites that talk about it? I really feel horrible with my lifestyle this creates. It's euphoria inducing when I get my needs met, then when not, I'm in a dungeon of emptiness, lack of self, and depression. Sorry if this post is messily written.",6.099476721816084,7.358949277286136,6.518142875464925,74.58274721046557,66.55162241887905,9.789457483647556,32.4382454790304,9.971965246562196,3.3377896883416707,1451,60,252,33,23,470,171,339,0.16899999999999998,0.733,0.098,-0.9668,0,3,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,3,24,9,1,1,14,0,23,8,1,12,2,64,50,27,0,8,7,0,6,2,0,2,5,0,0,4,29,15,1,2,16,0,1,6,4,5,0,0,4,7,30,4,38,40,13,33,0,3,1,2,10,17,1,7,11,186,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990227724051207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948379952411152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611622916913778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726038773713103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179622046357803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5508381276665304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534918000143889,0.09171248105794608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067860550846415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654713074241255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747402052044781,0.0,0.0,0.057774275612166325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653701147596156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799476082424196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140077357359826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241872192856984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228877715834247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546857171648788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894668275881514,0.0,0.1167761643204884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215090583885187,0.06485920516724544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199174367718007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032095395701856,0.07637697098443334,0.0913893766854099,0.09601773035214034,0.0,0.0,0.08377377114437777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056036652303232036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908845779280302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852609576135227,0.06970367145071818,0.0,0.18250425491028574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791747915207934,0.0,0.0,0.06985506427365945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026848626837973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181833311707743,0.0,0.0703064910866079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604837485856965,0.0,0.0,0.10201097884057164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075547519872388,0.0,0.0,0.05159311312968988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213743194854481,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Citrusoreo,2019/08/06,"Emptiness/FP breakup/Comments welcomed I am empty inside. 

My favorite person dumped me. To be honest it was the first time I truly felt something. That I truly wasn't...bored. I was satisfied. I was happy.  I was WHOLE. I was motivated and full. I was so full of progress. I was at a point in my life where I'd never been healthier and consistent and now... 

It's gone. I feel so empty again. I don't know if I'll ever feel it again. It doesn't matter how many people I fuck. It doesn't feel good. They just fill the void temporarily. I just.. I'm tired. I feel like I'm lost and wandering again.",-0.7368032786885266,1.3741657295081957,1.684081967213114,93.85333606557379,100.72131147540985,4.4072131147540965,16.755737704918033,6.2581,-0.14811278688524565,457,13,98,6,20,154,76,122,0.166,0.621,0.213,0.8382,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,4,11,8,2,0,3,0,13,3,0,2,2,18,24,8,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,11,5,18,5,4,12,3,16,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,1,9,65,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061848446744138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610133963517042,0.1628404327720994,0.21885821461537974,0.0,0.0,0.19388570855078072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072692331578965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118531760442434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426464448605699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252699022623336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100081363546606,0.11136000533831653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488235144866961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310954561020217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580143536016749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802494539007547,0.19902847855617467,0.0,0.0,0.2154770445054054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754794033444295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291368885788327,0.2619835810881359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25448694985167913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fellow1111,2019/08/06,I am 👌🏻 close to just doing something stupid to get me in jail Fuck living fuck everything this world is fucked I might as well pull all their stupid fucking money out for my well being in jail that is if I don’t kill myself first I hate living and being alive and just trying I hate all of it I can’t stand it anymore fuck everything I’m so done,0.5902999999999992,2.6810711466666675,2.2262500000000003,95.79937500000004,84.2,4.816666666666666,16.041666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.6300333333333334,276,5,62,2,8,90,52,75,0.361,0.5660000000000001,0.073,-0.9834,0,0,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,1,5,12,10,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,2,10,19,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,10,2,1,1,0,10,2,8,15,2,8,0,0,0,5,1,5,5,2,1,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435720821714294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592780392843222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279765914127332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323908638532416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7194527029207602,0.08131766244188746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073328182233614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219722958175773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748733329532821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511388354340958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982249734067305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567218454557914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27988562802129097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inbetweenupset,2019/08/06,"Does anyone else feel like they want to kill themselves everyday but can’t bring themselves to do it ? I’ve been living with BPD and severe depression for over 20 years I think about ending my misery every single day. Some days are worse then others of course, but the other day I came really close but of course I chickened out like every other time. I just hate living with these horrible life crippling problems... no one will ever understand me , I will constantly be in an agonizing war with my brain and the only thing I ever get 100% enjoyment out of is sleeping. 

The other day I got really drunk and me and a family member got into a really bad argument I came so close to jumping out a window or I was even thinking about running into traffic or driving my car into a pole but I couldn’t bring myself to do it... I don’t know why. I kept thinking over and over how I don’t want to live in this horrible misery but for some reason I just can’t fucking do it and I hate myself for it. I hate existing, I just want to leave this misery.",4.0386283891547015,5.173112129186606,5.483234449760769,80.56730781499203,71.2488038277512,8.252759170653906,24.93811802232855,8.648137234880735,1.7373806060606058,821,23,156,14,15,277,113,209,0.325,0.62,0.055,-0.9975,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,10,12,6,0,8,0,15,5,2,2,2,47,36,16,2,5,10,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,12,19,1,1,7,1,0,8,6,9,0,1,7,1,25,3,28,25,3,33,0,1,0,1,1,13,1,4,14,115,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193081740213631,0.1200586571248939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783543405478852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757660907707074,0.13080498713028738,0.0,0.2680317862257509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266235168938405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022702644367198,0.0,0.10092183413119923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025397972849042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788387999577994,0.0,0.10378142566500656,0.0,0.0,0.07739235229454933,0.21198126591271488,0.19744837487639327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046126235474676,0.0,0.059246718348573174,0.08370916188169181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832551741839044,0.061218602859579925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742957729327211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470553354502217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963572113031407,0.0,0.0643957913208032,0.0,0.0,0.12407039612746948,0.0,0.0,0.08276349394475738,0.114490640381157,0.0,0.3104004880633683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940016606420533,0.08911614205498353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211973733055183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22519408285989695,0.1204744346076048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237331972458705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725866770422727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784522959584468,0.2252411922068961,0.0,0.0,0.0683251285168758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198231426060226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733686463381573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573135126661837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941036334252066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545624392813606
bpd,cottoncandykeroppi,2019/08/06,"I've been really alone. I had a good week last weekend. Now that feels all out the window. I ruined my chance to go on a date with someone I liked because I was honest about my sexual experience or lack there of. He ghosted me and I *know* it's not a big deal because I don't want to be with someone that would do something like that but it still hurts and makes me feel god awful. 

I'm feeling like I deserve it and that like... It's just proof that I'm not going to ever be liked by someone in any sense. I'm so fucking stupid and I feel like I deserve to be abandoned. 

I'm also just... feeling like I don't deserve my friends and that I'm disgusting by just asking them to hang out with me. They shouldn't have to deal with someone like me. 

I don't want to live like this any longer. I really just like...need someone. I want to be 22 and just have fun with friends and date without feeling like I'm utterly repulsive or fucking everything up.",0.7753314189997589,2.882598804020102,2.5740559942570016,93.48601340033504,83.57286432160805,5.398516391481216,23.04402967217037,6.655083550727371,0.5686150275185455,738,27,163,8,21,244,97,199,0.171,0.626,0.20199999999999999,0.6045,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,0,12,22,4,0,4,1,15,2,0,1,3,43,37,12,1,6,11,0,6,10,2,2,0,0,1,0,11,14,0,1,7,1,0,3,7,7,0,0,3,6,22,15,23,28,2,17,0,3,0,2,8,6,2,2,18,100,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056096291717856,0.0,0.08154495653003938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868548652989734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532769918288796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431929745017414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102521133836269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223723276563912,0.0,0.0,0.09164359383514743,0.09974571811164468,0.0,0.0,0.30935299838247593,0.2913880683126934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756273501818652,0.1885382827875464,0.0,0.0,0.1159032110481942,0.08552716213986725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916043761022044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056039759623193935,0.08311873610393929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5479885111988797,0.0,0.09004091924443215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806541988511314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064852027534482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43199204863950297,0.07850108768864407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143295866165011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043272420121895,0.0,0.08179376636703566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829494018929844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724361931353194,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weirdkittyx,2019/08/06,"Please help me Going to DBT therapy. Been trying to work on emotional regulation. 

Brought up a sensitive subject with my boyfriend tonight. He reacted really badly and the argument escalated.

He got really angry which is unlike him and he left our house. He never does that. He told me if it ever got to that then I would know it's over. 

I dont know how to process this. He turned his phone off and I cant get ahold of him. I am worried about him and also I dont know if this means we broke up or if he is just cooling off. Someone please help me I'm going to lose my mind. I feel like a horrible person and I think I really just fucked up my relationship.",1.601798642533936,3.5933781617647083,3.8473529411764713,86.1121266968326,79.88235294117645,7.714027149321268,22.961538461538463,8.617729084823388,1.5579192307692311,514,17,110,12,13,177,86,136,0.17300000000000001,0.731,0.096,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,3,1,8,1,0,2,2,25,24,12,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,2,20,2,15,18,0,15,0,2,0,1,19,8,1,4,5,69,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024415088583378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554569056714018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158248629569785,0.0,0.3524454494785734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913660927059193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601071367151452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602736412190954,0.1074183871801318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900691525238815,0.07855775206411822,0.0,0.1709079726138272,0.0,0.2405158820148283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156847846242076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349714707554448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24790447865116794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633683641246215,0.0,0.0,0.07345910328397495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682162165230442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378790830356493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182239526363792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159681679105496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312899861875263,0.0,0.3301038606063453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889765545318371,0.0,0.0,0.16143213237208742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740093143333425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195164192075654,0.0,0.0,0.09634566893880464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367699266020084,0.0,0.10208568500770432,0.1635502892031258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946506626791463,0.15269954630908286,0.0,0.10681259648167403,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ScandalousPuta,2019/08/06,"22yo genderfluid, recently diagnosed, looking for support. I am a 22yo fem-leaning genderfluid from Perth and I’m looking for support. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and I’m currently in the process of trying to find the right medication and a therapist that I trust. Trust is really difficult for me... I have issues taking compliments because part of me wants to be grateful and another part of me is sure they aren’t serious :/ well, this place seems cool and I’d totally love to talk with you guys.",5.6735023041474655,7.514774967741934,6.847342549923197,69.63387096774197,68.13978494623656,11.765898617511525,36.94162826420891,11.491704259439757,5.144543471582182,404,22,68,15,7,136,62,93,0.062,0.664,0.27399999999999997,0.9698,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,1,11,0,0,4,1,7,4,0,0,2,12,17,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,9,9,13,15,3,6,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,1,3,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332654365723252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076248603875056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081836550173691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355425180189978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107691768097406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636683434194426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252535733462468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776128574365377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918546976632505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651763368382833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579974230753203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269841639979672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589240745592236,0.0,0.326418352162661,0.0,0.0,0.141161290570788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047864108860995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751503152131224,0.15578887236961514,0.0,0.1242815009747626,0.13285810795142475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192059367039013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222466441714528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749545579355584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486203337942889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ToffeeTango777,2019/08/06,I hate getting attached to people I am never going to bond with anyone ever again! I am going to come off cold and heartless next time I meet anyone! This is always the hardest thing when my emotions get so high and I'm feeling so fricken sad! I hate saying goodbye to people who I have become so close with and have been a big part of my life 😞 I hate feeling like this...,1.9312987012987008,3.807060051948056,3.5649350649350686,89.09597402597406,78.35064935064935,4.4,22.688311688311693,3.1291,0.059524675324675876,292,9,57,0,7,97,52,77,0.223,0.71,0.066,-0.9438,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,11,17,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,4,9,1,8,16,1,13,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587532569576032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668107730267776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107134853297514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434940882007393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146140073358319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258123139355988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293915553526994,0.1363010091883661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993606712406353,0.0,0.21686165429516832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5650993439992629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158099016574835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476120767484226,0.0932107637669888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714965226044094,0.0,0.2029082153276659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066078796646305,0.0,0.2645406815363629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172452815302362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675295171882867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125166899815543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,randerson2011,2019/08/06,"Does anyone else ever feel like they weren't made for this world? I feel like as a person I am way too sensitive and fragile. I get hurt easily, I cling too hard to impossible things and give up on that which is within my reach. If I am ever anywhere but my bedroom alone, I am out of place. 

I feel like with my mind I am just not made for this. As I've gotten older life has only gotten more stressful, I am more emotional and easily hurt, and there is a lot more hurting taking place. It feels like my future is so far out of my reach I don't even know what it is. Maybe this is not entirely BPD but just a general person feeling (the world just sucks no one knows what they're doing) etc. etc. But it genuinely feels like I can't do this.",1.130576923076923,3.026792955128208,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,80.98717948717949,6.211282051282053,18.09230769230769,7.3011,0.1498415384615388,575,12,129,8,15,192,89,156,0.152,0.703,0.145,-0.7261,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,10,10,1,1,4,0,16,1,0,2,2,31,32,11,0,1,9,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,12,7,0,0,8,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,8,17,5,13,27,6,15,0,3,0,0,4,10,1,2,9,90,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935896900777596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058191949795096,0.11808202762075748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514692773123747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085159592137682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627233302522092,0.1296350103564447,0.0,0.0,0.25705707285847695,0.07611817506648996,0.20849123500147973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496277303117456,0.4116549277717538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021070805622247,0.1105534173219584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323680147730788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37011617383108186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266711754320788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140088696651637,0.2815142048803325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797709988473384,0.0,0.21809503757769375,0.0,0.0,0.11577900040901218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636450480602127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809293246161242,0.08764894593686062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125481754087296,0.2408128012008349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201265314637414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086649828675592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765635962571063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914760440416139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,milou1130,2019/08/06,"newbie last week i was told i meet the criteria for having bpd. this diagnosis came up after getting testing from a neuropsychologist flagged the symptoms. i always thought they were ptsd related but after reading a lot of posts on here that i super related to i realized i finally got the right diagnosis for everything i’ve been dealing with for the past few years. reading posts made me feel less alone and less like this is in my head. this diagnosis also comes 4 weeks after my relationship of 3 years ended. part of the reason was what i now know are symptoms of bpd. 

i don’t know what i’m hoping for with this post. but hi!",4.805482695810569,6.30705980327869,5.9458469945355175,76.57775045537342,69.81967213114754,9.028779599271402,29.94899817850637,9.444778638647367,2.7696856102003644,504,20,93,11,9,168,82,122,0.018000000000000002,0.879,0.10400000000000001,0.902,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,7,0,8,3,1,2,0,16,20,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,1,12,3,18,11,5,21,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,13,63,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598009736848672,0.0,0.11271643303283553,0.11728041037983244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550393040268698,0.0,0.0,0.16120748984849592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141461839267158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531167387088853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483850038788147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667538799413705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126777671578048,0.0,0.0,0.15440214910055194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736397532396603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272935984303108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446537842258088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999362449551792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549231756697802,0.11489180754400577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886029827614511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198293408526644,0.0,0.1333688414278334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263344752193694,0.13455125431051118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049689905563164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647612078080222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28197320654610764,0.0,0.0,0.14491849244813826,0.0,0.15132589821472928,0.0,0.12036921523835745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929988375673063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189733363475936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468229433395806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612070645514684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815323749222095
bpd,zombiemami29,2019/08/06,how do you deal with extreme relationship paranoia? It’ll be the smallest things. Like when the tone in his voice is different i automatically convince myself he is cheating. or someone is over. and that’s why he sounds funny. or suspicious. it’s taking a toll on our relationship. i cannot/will not let myself believe he MIGHT be telling the truth. It’s like I am traumatized/ terrified of being cheated on again. I feel that all his attempts to defend himself are efforts to gaslight me. I’m scared. But I do love him. What can I do?,1.8840336134453783,4.695221549019607,3.3318207282913197,84.15176470588236,88.41176470588232,5.659383753501401,26.893557422969195,7.1686216300943375,1.7457204481792723,426,20,77,7,14,139,75,102,0.16699999999999998,0.687,0.146,-0.504,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,2,3,8,2,1,4,0,15,1,0,1,2,11,19,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,15,5,8,13,1,6,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,3,4,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770650650688413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535303774641888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569316829216878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434339134954504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25146753643861525,0.0,0.2402859584393685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195034913226674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608798454042164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280472115210262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462065445845737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208365291345757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489952523685516,0.0,0.2149429319300687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337681002654905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190249780776175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rememberxanga,2019/08/06,"I told my therapist today that “all of my emotions stem from envy or jealousy” and it made my current new relationship feel even starker I recently began relationship with man nearly two decades older. He’s established in what he does, by which I mean he enjoys it and is preoccupied with his side-gig as of late. I feel jealous of a fucking JOB. But also of his ex, who came to pick up the last bits of her bits and pieces from his house, where she lived for who knows how long with him. He knew I was jealous and worried over it but because he is on a tight deadline and I kept him from things this weekend, we likely won’t talk about it until I see him next — which is also up in the air because of his work deadline.

I’m hoping we make it past this deadline he has for work; my worry is there will always be something new to preoccupy and distance himself from me. The thing is we are also very close and intimate and feel a deep connection — are we each pushing and pulling? I already m aware there are some dynamics regarding the age difference to think about, but I’m putting it to the side while we sort out our relationship, before letting societal norms get too in there — we can speak deeply about many things but when it comes to emotional intelligence and how relationships work, he’s obviously my guide.

I spoil everything. I lie in bed depressed waiting for something from him. I have nothing going for me in my life, at an age when I should be, and I fear there will be a soon-time in which this grates him. 

Relationships make everything so confusing. I wish I could have a craft or a job that I can sink my energy to. When I sink my energy into people I first entice them and then repel them...",6.785386904761907,6.186065812500001,7.037023809523809,77.85797619047622,64.98214285714286,10.323809523809524,33.25,9.725611199111238,2.9114535714285714,1347,49,268,24,18,437,184,336,0.073,0.856,0.071,0.0466,3,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,7,0,2,4,20,10,3,2,12,0,23,2,0,6,2,58,47,31,0,4,6,1,4,1,0,4,1,1,1,2,21,27,0,3,7,1,0,6,1,6,0,2,7,6,49,4,44,31,6,47,0,1,1,1,41,19,1,6,23,191,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041995160825658,0.22653313365810834,0.07856854635180792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512030183083938,0.0,0.08034808839825952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061736668918944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107996195591401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133813688131568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539008618657486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132747456375228,0.0,0.0,0.09865325183623816,0.0,0.0,0.08263130399135628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242916090364955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236633149652731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697248681347056,0.0,0.0,0.10625354111560883,0.14323122506519564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031722513381041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729370446237217,0.04933277728998184,0.0,0.053663481505673925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378459317725152,0.0,0.10895291543142924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874030111958556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518931024761895,0.07696837244369396,0.1065146752128712,0.0,0.0,0.096555200661954,0.0666946454802757,0.04613092262711739,0.0,0.08337834924380634,0.08356249646797978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934651546386088,0.12605785010259588,0.0957313765613899,0.0,0.10285569776152467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239107244251973,0.10042126899728353,0.0,0.0,0.09060262164096222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901386380449362,0.06546189097959526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492245887265012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323256278541872,0.5068815759429436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524390802236339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538481304381334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589464139541148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963384062592724,0.18819384282003487,0.060503251477117236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950315530557865,0.09022642443758937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922387791284662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790990128846098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858323606598397,0.0,0.0,0.20622595199085594,0.1917848337665976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,17brat,2019/08/06,"Little to no stability in any area of my life. I've had to move out of 2 different apartments within the last 2 months, and I'm about to move from the third one. I can't hold a job for more than a few months before growing to hate it and feeling depressed incapable of carrying on. I get sick and tired of every partner I have after a few months of being with them.

It's like I can't hold onto anything at all for one reason or another and it's so exhausting. My anxiety ruins everything for me. I just can't carry on in life this way. I really want to end it all sometimes.",2.75933515482696,3.752698303278688,4.97863387978142,83.51217668488161,74.1639344262295,8.373041894353369,25.850637522768675,8.841846274778883,1.840505282331512,451,15,96,9,9,158,79,122,0.20800000000000002,0.733,0.059000000000000004,-0.9614,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,5,0,6,5,0,1,2,15,11,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,4,0,3,1,1,10,1,26,9,5,21,0,2,0,0,2,11,0,1,7,68,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231703315733035,0.18860824504667675,0.13759923101504326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801679483772082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305520243408213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492083671124904,0.0,0.0,0.18792473762080186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593104746610897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154732227399587,0.0,0.16165458673823266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094713010293168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397408656852647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758331952613007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784921482709448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661717609259994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25409347425057244,0.08787486848681986,0.18027591049537733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307089662368512,0.3823443914629538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437676696538777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522863557197432,0.1849352062652908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789496051898518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673286305873373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609134890275712,0.1427715760074769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lawyer_for_absurdity,2019/08/06,"DAE feel like a background character in their own story? I’ve never been good at friends or relationships or anything involving other people for more than a short interaction (if I get as far as that). Recently I’ve tried dropping the rope with my ‘friends’ and I was sad (But not surprised) to see that unless I initiate interaction- we just don’t interact.  
  
I’m not sure how much of this is me needing to push myself to be social because I withdraw easily- and how much is that I need to stop overextending myself for people who very much only see me if I’m physically in their face.  
  
I even feel this way about my own family. They seem quite focused on me being there and witnessing their life events, but there’s little to no engagement about anything I care about. I feel like a piece of decorative furniture. I’m a throw pillow. They make little to no effort acknowledging my FP - and still seem surprised when I would rather spend time with my person. The one person I trust to care and pay attention to me without me having to have a meltdown to be acknowledged.   (And yes that wavers- but he’s a champion at being patient with me when I’m splitting or disassociating). 
  
I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. And then I just want to climb in bed and stay there. I feel like I don’t matter and I don’t know how to digest that I do, sometimes I even believe it.",4.602527089783283,5.6950756691176485,5.740952012383902,79.4007972136223,69.88235294117648,8.961609907120744,28.654024767801857,9.276330184999452,2.3946661764705888,1090,39,212,22,19,363,145,272,0.064,0.773,0.163,0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,5,3,18,15,0,0,8,1,18,3,1,4,2,52,41,26,0,7,15,0,4,3,2,1,2,0,2,2,11,13,1,1,12,0,2,3,11,2,0,1,2,6,36,13,33,34,7,25,0,1,2,0,18,10,0,7,12,151,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217890514293171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488404926330214,0.0,0.0,0.13840217314907702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504935744187991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227349532213542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580559712010853,0.0,0.2484527679478785,0.2632775310407244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898166391406996,0.0,0.06418048017815169,0.0,0.0,0.10303501313783006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253416193936125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676775578789363,0.1800448866602203,0.24624223384623706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199876222510002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709115681484033,0.1821732910501096,0.09474421691451614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324170343963071,0.09342775760224964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703279574853138,0.21452381552926555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306588201815396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129279915937312,0.13188757951433128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578018561450994,0.22366359575568007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522313013831596,0.0,0.0,0.1214950248977007,0.0,0.0,0.13093446221231156,0.09810270510126523,0.1027023811005922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577822314461435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163083362920615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340244101896382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135847098033238,0.07245607766947132,0.09750718137887428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841642117417628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726425529174721,0.13430970963267905,0.0,0.0
bpd,ickybird,2019/08/06,"FP said something triggering We were watching Bob's Burgers, which is a satirical kind of comedy show.  In the episode we were watching, the grandparents are in a 'swingers' community.  My boyfriend turns to me and says ""we should be swingers"" excitedly.  Sometimes he'll get quick little happy ideas and normally I love his suggestions, but this time I was stunned.  I asked, Like have sex with other people?  ""No like have sex with somebody else, like a threesome"".  Holy shit, what?  Does he want to have sex with other people???  Pretty much immediately I started crying and questioning him.  He said it was just a joke and gave me plenty of reassurance, giving me kisses and promising that he only wants to date me.  Still though, I'm going to be thinking about what he said for the next few days.  I know that I'm going to be fine and he was just joking.  I really do believe him, it's just so hard wondering if I'm enough.",3.6057875722543367,5.9678439248554875,4.314736271676299,83.38632406069367,75.0693641618497,7.330780346820807,26.41943641618497,8.278499904357787,1.8782835260115616,721,27,134,13,16,230,110,173,0.087,0.6779999999999999,0.235,0.9806,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,0,0,8,14,1,0,7,0,15,6,1,1,0,27,36,10,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,10,12,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,7,17,13,14,22,3,12,0,0,2,5,23,3,1,3,10,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226061979952587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144614563640131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715419782222155,0.09813858671514154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316706234865938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712048487973465,0.0,0.0,0.15723473159594498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950378018837445,0.145977598895389,0.17296612403114792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199031249932375,0.13631654961337913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171784077943806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846410154922871,0.08362995231970406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303119349281225,0.15251668714898456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734150089231187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186419767491143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183703685823014,0.0,0.14909660874513755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573394096279413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210994315627714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481400246661034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046787542188274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748551380959912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342522995742468,0.12101357264094235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620274620850289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171497212798366,0.15050236032257205,0.0,0.1077083833887583,0.0,0.1215250475005176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750590723574568,0.14950857628949382,0.0,0.08873292994627817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551983605561355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951040741220367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502443893325372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elacmch,2019/08/06,"I feel bad because I make the BPD community look worse Hey I just needed a place to rant for a sec. I continuously do and say things when I'm having an episode that I think make me not deserve to live.

I believe I might have undiagnosed illnesses beyond BPD, GDD, GAD, and OCD. But every time I try to explain these episodes, I inevitably bring up my BPD and I feel like it only makes our community look worse. 

I just feel like shit and want it to stop. I really hope that my complete abject failure at being a decent person doesn't make outsiders think that everyone with BPD is a bad person.",3.8058945386064025,5.262626067796614,5.023333333333333,82.40010357815444,72.22033898305084,7.617325800376648,26.670433145009408,8.167268648758528,1.6464998116760832,468,16,93,7,9,155,78,118,0.22399999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.076,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,6,0,7,2,1,4,0,24,24,6,0,3,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,7,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,16,3,9,22,0,9,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,2,6,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053628491051566,0.07496619723697777,0.0,0.0,0.1385540006502385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6195455295751674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894000703618633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036141997210634,0.11751067053862807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865439909028272,0.17571089806380438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214482064591188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016159754236558,0.0,0.10859175445682076,0.0,0.2065409563049576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283548602208065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046013672199655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911865677839658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353024806647517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475914864658846,0.12848574956122047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878280315737955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779697618831083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262350653577296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281504584805276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170106410574701,0.1575985681613971,0.0,0.0,0.07170941281787482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349393368791952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253556215274364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506500090240234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,birdsandpeacesigns,2019/08/06,"Do some people with BPD have traits that mimic autism? Seems my friend with BPD has many people thinking she has autism. She understands sarcasm, she never takes things literal, she understands colloquialisms, she makes eye contact, she doesn't stim ever, she doesn't have any obsessive interest but she's HIGHLY socially awkward, rarely smiles when she's talking even if she's happy and she has a flat voice most times with little expression in her voice or face.",6.196533101045297,8.849837085365856,5.095644599303134,79.39378048780492,68.39024390243902,8.588153310104529,27.567944250871076,9.23628265651192,2.595091986062717,379,13,61,8,7,112,58,82,0.09300000000000001,0.787,0.12,0.327,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,8,2,2,1,2,16,14,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,13,3,4,14,2,7,0,0,1,0,17,3,0,5,4,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735996828354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087980818371861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341233628619992,0.18271130864898966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605679315333568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150218632679224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134132791528882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024468114435076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482973814436516,0.2047859204875654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557869608105729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800685435149129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388389793848928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590313058407028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518711670676784,0.16235172371376344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341930260704676,0.12942688689205886,0.0,0.0,0.11778185766726272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205569426076367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emedisnisoahc,2019/08/06,"I can feel and see myself slipping in my relationships I feel like I’m regressing to a place I haven’t been in emotionally for what feels like at least a year. My emotions re: my relationships have been so intense and I’ve been ruminating in judgment and lashing out on people I care about. I literally feel like I’ve been dissociating nonstop for over a week (I’m sure that’s 100% not true I am just upset) and feel so out of control.

BLAHHHH",2.8666573033707863,4.92693773033708,4.924030898876406,79.57458567415732,76.19101123595507,8.045505617977529,27.97893258426966,8.841846274778883,2.301729213483146,354,15,71,8,8,122,56,89,0.027999999999999997,0.797,0.175,0.8862,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,0,8,0,0,1,2,16,17,6,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,10,6,13,13,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,9,0,0,5,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884984709735599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073597290295953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159324147592456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674068683796252,0.3962370065421211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27097051028796704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817318617663362,0.0,0.19316126413882365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969859448337131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732619677323455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424812660709568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830036259091856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905728336424748
bpd,horrorbxtch,2018/12/29,"Dont know how to handle making mistakes I can't handle making mistakes no matter how small it is. I filled out a document at work wrong, and my coworkers had to stay late and help me finish it/teach me how to do it correctly. Not only did I fuck up the list, but my coworkers had to wait an extra 30 minutes to leave because of me. I immediately wanted to cry because I felt stupid as fuck. It wasn't even anything important, just silly mistakes. Yet here I am wanting to kill myself over it because I can't regulate my emotions like a normal person. ",4.9566795366795375,5.375990819819823,6.540231660231657,76.41567567567569,68.72972972972974,8.865379665379669,31.17245817245817,8.841846274778883,2.5967647361647357,435,17,81,7,7,150,74,111,0.235,0.659,0.106,-0.9508,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,4,0,4,0,10,2,0,5,1,22,19,7,1,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,5,1,14,2,13,14,1,10,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,4,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268185987326006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615295987595485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171529608147304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316909714828209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223744149523831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057224742846854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981320842556348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655220662976832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250730478820238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871447181981388,0.0,0.10864514320085,0.0,0.2230027034287307,0.2093249524196852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658124983200124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26391895112210434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369402897602767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503519999752402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261510676762687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071102169779074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320513020006475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392052775580733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161427607557268,0.0,0.0
bpd,AstroworldAries,2018/12/29,"I’m not able to say how I truly feel in (most) situations This can happen at work; when a customer is clearly being an asshole, and at the point where ANYONE in their right mind would speak up or tell a manager, I just take it, in fear of getting in trouble or hurting the customers feelings (even though it shouldn’t matter so much). It happens with my friends and boyfriend, especially where if a friend does something fucked up, cancels without notice, expects too much, etc., I just brush it off, say it’s fine even though I’m hurt inside, and let it go. With my boyfriend, it can turn the most MINOR things into huge issues. For example, sharing leftovers, and him wanting to take more than half, I said it was fine even though I felt it was unfair. Ten mins later a snide remark slipped out from me, about him taking more than his share, even though he had asked if it was alright, I should have said no, but I said yes it’s fine (in fear of upsetting him). I feel like I worry constantly about hurting other people’s feelings, even when I know damn well some of these people couldn’t give a shit about mine. My therapist and I have talked about it and it stems from having to walk around on eggshells with my abusive father. What are some tips/suggestions for how to put my foot down more often and speak up? My guilty conscience is insanely strong, so that often gets in the way.",6.604287484510528,6.352908040892192,5.967568773234202,84.21928376703842,65.24535315985129,8.511623296158612,30.944485749690212,7.554174236665415,1.820516530359356,1089,35,217,9,15,332,161,269,0.16699999999999998,0.716,0.11699999999999999,-0.9674,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,2,28,21,3,3,10,2,18,3,2,2,1,45,42,22,0,8,9,1,5,1,2,3,0,7,0,0,19,13,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,10,1,2,8,13,24,11,38,28,10,31,0,3,0,1,22,22,3,10,6,158,43,2,0.09841886625211252,0.11661026293664695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688167596360979,0.0,0.0,0.08761365697573151,0.09200835437536813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635583047574468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861270130902595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976305172347336,0.32502366474543065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149717321434856,0.19905414373249208,0.07031045771552852,0.09449754574127653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207634385565724,0.09098665594959553,0.10283959105565076,0.0944123445332906,0.05593370975473837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740629567868918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160782956108838,0.0,0.0,0.1027237263430011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540884350164494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063995882498293,0.0,0.04808248672182517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937499884962593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469838183038458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120505315438835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364624995365561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303764039713464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989381440566344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084049174027755,0.28085663849806297,0.15653326537544418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102555189068227,0.0,0.11062692925622328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576765155163998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219962171276736,0.07910535665305389,0.08602242709147348,0.0,0.0,0.11427188935215632,0.06538512154248828,0.0,0.3867841455712919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705146479341067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580499972603936,0.07812031500978231,0.0,0.0,0.08849038039132384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948722749816041,0.0,0.0716501067945777,0.09994913604447568,0.0,0.0699139388102786,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_Giberish,2018/12/29,"I need someone to talk to right now My boyfriend (46 m) who has NPD has been for the past 72 hours dangling abandonment over my head, actually trying to abandon me, then going back to the not sure which he is at again until tomorrow night when he will talk to me again. I have gone from being stable to triggered because abandonment threats or actions throw me into crisis which throws me into an episode and after I’ve been episodic for 72 hours I’m just torn to pieces and dissociated. I have literally done nothing but pace and smoke cigarettes and lay on the couch and sob for two days. I have so much to do but I can’t seem to get myself out of this place. If someone who has experience with this reads this can you please PM me? I’m struggling so bad right now. ",5.817647058823527,5.862880568627451,6.002091503267978,82.3094117647059,66.84313725490196,8.891503267973857,30.72549019607843,8.515128840125781,2.087792156862745,609,21,125,8,9,194,103,153,0.161,0.8109999999999999,0.027999999999999997,-0.9621,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,9,8,1,1,4,0,15,1,1,1,1,22,22,14,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,3,1,1,0,5,2,7,0,1,4,0,14,1,23,16,2,29,0,4,0,0,7,9,1,3,15,86,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.17740218835310084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978636976046885,0.15178823042618292,0.11081835366000807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724041752503075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603572478009955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778268779261386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949785063764849,0.0,0.10331624531112846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865704291914196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35805583128187995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363760046368905,0.13479602394372708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059891947290798,0.0,0.17443375682398252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735404669798956,0.0,0.0,0.18993332675174365,0.19955237265389264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818406011544976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049773455491697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549606824926827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080625364288643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900478485072038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133624857082722,0.0,0.0,0.2922340917213655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342443144934084,0.0,0.1775837881600733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blamethestxrs,2018/12/29,"Does anyone else alternate between reallyyy loving someone and questioning if you love them at all because you don’t “feel” anything? Okay so when I love people I really really love them. Like sometimes I’ll just look at them all want to hug them so much I merge into them, yknow? But then I remember this one time when I was a kid telling my mother I wasn’t really sure if I loved her because I didn’t feel anything and if she died I genuinely didn’t think I’d care. And I was really worried about this because I felt like I was supposed to love her but I didn’t.

Now this passed (it only lasted for a week or two), but it started happening again today and it’s freaking me out. I started dating this guy a month ago and I remember two weeks or so looking at him and just feeling this crushing love for him, but now I just don’t really feel anything. Like I know mentally I love him but I just can’t really feel any emotions towards him. And it’s not just him. I saw my old best friend a few days ago and I just really didn’t feel anything either. And when I thought about my family earlier I didn’t really feel anything, although now it’s coming back to me because I don’t want my mother to die right now. And here’s the thing, for a few hours a week and a half ago I thought my boyfriend was dead and I sort of started the grieving process so maybe that’s part of it? My brain closed the pain off to me? But then now I’m starting to think maybe I do love him again? I can’t decide if I’d feel anything if he died right now. And it’s just freaking me out like I know it’ll probably pass and I’ll start loving him again but this is the most disturbing feeling on earth. It’s like once I have someone I care about my brain wants to push them away,.. ",2.097954366640444,3.655426750677506,3.5384369263047515,90.89468922108576,76.88617886178861,6.929312002797447,24.369350467698226,7.717688229018142,1.0780106827519882,1377,46,305,20,31,453,148,369,0.11699999999999999,0.679,0.204,0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,6,1,29,27,0,1,11,1,19,14,2,0,3,70,61,38,5,8,23,2,10,5,1,1,1,0,0,2,17,19,0,0,20,0,0,4,12,5,0,4,14,13,60,22,26,46,9,51,0,1,3,11,36,13,0,10,39,202,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204365093227613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041437390454870375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260665563071479,0.062434356470524324,0.30086225425431723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724974880925743,0.04685468936260091,0.0,0.1485798521075239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394675289847268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604558621906082,0.0,0.0,0.12425309063538277,0.0,0.0,0.052489474733508436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03929756065122757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897204437125092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332398686952803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050902760390007566,0.06854284780448336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057443403043114474,0.0,0.27729176216855483,0.0,0.05850645119934311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707766281425831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603345034842437,0.0538839702501256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060007977809023484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697575813032942,0.04966955963790441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884702247376727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233887362903374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5499555416374805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243332078533085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140740830956445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04863714983290916,0.0,0.04479369675039855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394026199709782,0.06489300468876692,0.04129063568247706,0.04634325515194407,0.064838355287198,0.0,0.0,0.06598587215651595,0.0,0.04224414775562007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569744490612055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826032346402007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312288409260961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380532900715928,0.10407506057486987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032588118094995,0.0,0.060265547231654476,0.0,0.21564793576818206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742982464667847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325923433456948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048201879403681,0.07808843456390423,0.0,0.09675000167728036,0.03553126056773543,0.0,0.05775855938077961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904784771694114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782182664730466,0.0,0.14663337823722347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188170501711096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SilenceOnTheWire,2018/12/29,"Abandonment issues When you do things to prevent people from leaving you do you do it because you can't read them or know them well enough to know where they stand or because you are afraid they will find someone better? Legit question.

​

What are the main, rational reasons you fear people will abandon you?",7.013947368421054,8.73695807017544,5.493815789473686,81.0554605263158,64.78947368421052,7.1035087719298255,33.54824561403509,7.1686216300943375,2.3374245614035094,258,11,41,2,4,75,40,57,0.149,0.758,0.092,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,7,4,1,3,6,0,2,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,10,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,11,2,3,8,2,3,0,2,0,0,12,1,0,3,1,33,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411573101900357,0.2704500607814594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713563721944908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968473702483684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299769846997165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504560446020814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342731663284386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323079596303222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24464015131835684,0.0,0.0,0.23567223773634366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30860762125721936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493322409099502,0.0,0.2226328230716029,0.0,0.0,0.2288416937496088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885850347290831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786734006316532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011948989251327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704500607814594,0.0
bpd,bingkin,2018/12/29,"Call outs? What’re things/stories where you’ve gotten called out for saying something toxic (not inherently rude or abusive) or tried to give advice then realized your pattern of thinking is disordered because you’ve been struggling with bpd for so long?

I think this is a good way to get that (I can’t believe I said/did that) off your chest 
I’ll give examples:

(Pls when reading these consider how awfully wrong I/other people were and that’s why these are being posted. NOT an advice thread) 

Ive told people (on multiple occasions) that their parent exposing them to their personal life (showing off sexy items of clothing) is normal and natural because their parent is an adult sexual being so don’t even worry about their boundaries being crossed—just get used to it, understand that your parent is human too

My parent screams their head off at me for little to no reason all the time— just a parent thing maybe their stressed, be empathetic 

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bpd,AgnosticAsh,2018/12/29,"Feeling like your mind and your emotions are separate? If Im going through a very hard emotional time or even a very good one, I find myself trying to think a certain way but my emotions wont fit. 

If Im very happy all the sudden, I immediately think about how it wont last because I cant control how I feel. 

Or if I'm hurting, I try to remind myself ""why would you care about this issue?"" But I still feel the gross anxiety or the overwhelming sadness. Does anyone else feel this way?",2.1963636363636354,4.137960757575758,3.9565656565656586,86.28818181818184,77.78787878787878,6.420202020202023,25.141414141414145,7.3871296695380915,1.2322808080808088,381,14,77,5,9,128,65,99,0.165,0.6629999999999999,0.172,-0.313,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,6,9,0,1,6,0,5,0,0,3,2,23,14,11,0,4,8,0,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,5,12,5,5,11,1,8,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,6,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797796135222572,0.0,0.0,0.09869408016693512,0.1446229771254533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604261246287659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390996320440594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830967127001455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351971205005614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791118172223028,0.4763180692743022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322703304882166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854750168851332,0.10083627864846886,0.0,0.0,0.12900686744778084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021775601989455,0.11838838568082495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025484832298333,0.1264410332325041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511020319808131,0.0,0.30492848283550544,0.14732201481664126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115054594832499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689578646864996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251941176709246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564565084644584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127211084286898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088409209486545,0.0,0.0,0.08230463121297818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916606802556922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493860598159868,0.0,0.2240736899851758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736426644992702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002676080393123,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spacedemence,2018/12/29,"something i thought about while at a really bad place... most people see us folks with BPD as manipulators and emotional abusers, as inhuman ...
and maybe we are, at least I think I have been, it's always unconsciously, it's never my intention, I do not think I'm doing anything wrong, nor would I want to cause any harm, until after I think about it. .. and yes I do cause it and i have caused it before, and i probably will cause it again. 
I live constantly suffering, my emotions control me, I do not control them. I do not doubt that you can get better with therapy, however the disorder will always be there, i think it is one of the most horrible ones, I have read in many forums that even after improving with therapy, their lives are still chaotic, we can be very cruel to other people and to ourselves ... even after years of therapy, I've read that.
I know for a fact that there are bad people in this world, it is not difficult to realize, I consider myself a bad person to others and to myself ... what do I do then? kill myself? I hate that there are still people who care about me, I really do not want to hurt them, but I do not know if I want to live like this, with years if not a lifetime of therapy, and still, struggling and hating myself, questioning everything I do, being insecure, in brief, all my defects caused by the disorder.
But sometimes I do believe that, for my own good, I should just kill myself. although sometimes I'm not so sure. I live in a loop, on autopilot; When I think rationally about my mind, I become very sad and I really want to die ... although sometimes I also have a spark of hope, like at least I should try ... and so, I am alternating between these two states mental, as in a vicious circle where I end up doing nothing, by the constant changes in my mentality ... and seeing it from another angle, I think it is one more reason to be sad.",4.345510718789407,5.4882500327868895,5.633333333333336,79.74692307692311,70.53005464480873,9.018747372845734,28.011349306431274,9.367010060515213,2.4143172761664564,1456,51,281,31,26,488,174,366,0.209,0.7140000000000001,0.077,-0.9946,1,0,1,0,1,3,70.0,3,1,3,3,19,27,6,3,11,1,36,0,0,10,4,68,58,29,3,10,13,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,23,18,0,2,12,2,0,1,10,20,0,4,2,2,53,7,46,47,7,33,0,4,2,0,10,14,0,7,19,225,76,2,0.0,0.08328058729134903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620982874908103,0.11697161816949822,0.0,0.0,0.0477987099358918,0.07370380529838275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784159130959615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760643253324879,0.0,0.07762832026727562,0.0598104862134441,0.07919126805033792,0.0,0.06216462191414205,0.0,0.0,0.08852612676595993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166398960845607,0.361029160450745,0.07435609919136263,0.0,0.0,0.15191417634811932,0.15766945365274165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294854846775271,0.0,0.16111382428921253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813059965514314,0.06225490409238491,0.0,0.0,0.09285001509101072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317092968866027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03672293211691744,0.0,0.0,0.05895480654902133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387910311487732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981251488470971,0.0,0.0,0.0752454813313305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555280115724232,0.0,0.07725763617027649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867899328548127,0.0,0.2482647543885776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712616851522141,0.07061442241493979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166890653505196,0.0,0.0709715256432467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421096003901036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744388025385861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288827769244805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949172708893408,0.061373360664144325,0.07343670616799099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757830808872231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873940336422304,0.0,0.14061539409403406,0.0,0.1350861769414158,0.0722684654216468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202194882622016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054111656727290014,0.20855189332380344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839788218721385,0.0,0.0,0.07348098539296641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624624523461202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215249065932812,0.0,0.0,0.2702288724334392,0.0,0.055801357369571314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772139708869382,0.0,0.0686618230425448,0.0,0.0845486227310868,0.0,0.0,0.11599103774086117,0.16583232872850226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993105870222354,0.0768496330316145,0.0,0.09052720559227473
bpd,dramallamamil,2018/12/29,"Psychiatrist friend said personality disorders are clinical assholes. New here A school friend is a psychiatrist in our only local in patient facilities. She said that herself and colleagues use this as short hand for clinically untreatable assholes. I know there is no actual medication specific to bpd but hearing it from the mouth of actual Dr was horrible. 
I have not been diagnosed formally and for above reason don't intend to pursue professional help again  present time. Regardless a lot of these issues resonate with me I think I could  gain a lot of insight  and tools to cope with things I struggle with by learning more. Can anyone recommend any self help books?
Sorry if this isn't the right place for this. Any help appreciated.",6.486659619450317,9.206714790697674,6.820845665961947,67.04809725158563,67.75968992248062,10.582381959126145,33.43269908386188,10.637119530657019,4.418900775193798,604,28,92,19,11,195,96,129,0.105,0.695,0.2,0.9441,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,6,0,10,7,2,3,0,20,16,6,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,0,5,3,0,2,7,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,4,9,2,17,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,3,4,62,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.3129998456108381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811689751859464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213582030383844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019829002228985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804397992998892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277418832885046,0.0,0.0,0.18380018806182968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780599460421926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075088186251675,0.0,0.32248188187475524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673866857296364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881362485184333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726850523049432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155790226138428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488826184282795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197012074956312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003063091354492,0.16755459022670366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488910984565194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695679839186334,0.3051009638959969,0.0,0.0,0.16230501003112052,0.0,0.0,0.16730295552505248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795233066512173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765561855141284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654402036080593,0.10275989204552252,0.0,0.0,0.09351419376178807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385099033822669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oakleyluver,2018/12/29,"FP asked for space... How to not overreact? When I ask for space from him, I feel fine because I’m in control. When he asks for space, I freak out because he might leave me and it wouldn’t be my choice to end the friendship and he must not care about me. Whenever we get into fights and take some time apart, I’m afraid our friendship will end and that I’ve lost him from my life. 

Part of my issue is that when he gets upset, he wants to be alone for awhile, but when that happens I feel this desire to work things out immediately and I obsess over him and push him away even more by not respecting the space he asked for. ",4.340639534883722,4.4707424728682215,4.41968023255814,92.0960319767442,70.00775193798451,7.69031007751938,23.87693798449613,7.1686216300943375,0.5367589147286824,485,10,114,4,8,150,79,129,0.133,0.7859999999999999,0.081,-0.6303,0,1,0,0,1,0,13.0,2,0,0,3,8,9,1,3,2,0,7,1,0,2,1,24,22,12,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,2,16,3,20,15,3,19,0,1,0,0,17,11,0,2,7,70,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760302760599061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6355693636997451,0.0,0.15968571198031148,0.0,0.0,0.2072155770392024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732884742426753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906278118720304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30107331180513885,0.0,0.0,0.1122588732251664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187666860897416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759717009969744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502976053639184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773970794063198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996613950769802,0.0,0.0,0.12004980206643362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553455096963606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030374694080986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405322634797666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779092672385875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291577916025387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910671678614118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024850480163992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237349942122208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Merpedy,2018/12/29,"Fuck snapmap Not even sure if that's the correct name but I hope you all understand what I'm talking about.

Fuck it. 

There's nothing worse than not speaking to someone the entire day and then watching them to be clearly online and snapping other people on snapchat. It just feels shit because why am I not important enough to be contacted too? 

I know it's petty and I know it's borderline stalkish but it's so hard for me to just control myself and not get attached to people and then worried when they don't text me?

Same honestly goes for online statuses.",2.969499582985822,5.487937926605512,3.6470225187656387,86.56442869057553,77.9908256880734,6.165471226021682,29.175145954962467,7.348242739294969,1.88574495412844,450,21,82,6,11,142,75,109,0.185,0.695,0.11900000000000001,-0.7349,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,1,8,6,3,0,2,0,4,3,1,1,4,26,13,12,0,2,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,4,10,3,10,11,3,5,0,0,1,2,7,1,3,2,4,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342739542748832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24705044341317606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205529988490756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227596786308099,0.0,0.14548561479559244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137463829446806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40727033181998623,0.11508147523486595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973177827678739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187768443219513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421081931945763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113540719043544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054136174541152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22610299066056794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663323160873446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076009509833716,0.0,0.0,0.17704390010044566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22930782510461006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875853603271448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369388882972524,0.22447295641994872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lickmyegg,2018/12/29,"DAE have the urge to make someone feel the emotion/empathetic to what you’ve experienced via them? It’s not always followed up on but say if my partner pinches me playfully, and it really hurts, I’d do it back to show them how much it hurts or if someone says something that really makes me feel hurt I’ll say like “How would you like it if I said xyz, that’s how you made me feel” 

It’s a horrible habit and I’ve noticed I find myself doing it so much when people hurt me, physically or mentally, I hate myself for it but I wanted to know if anyone else does it? ",2.152457627118644,3.7661552627118695,4.212,85.88172881355933,76.88135593220339,7.431864406779661,23.664406779661018,8.238735603445708,1.3160108474576275,443,14,95,8,10,152,72,118,0.212,0.7140000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9707,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,0,6,8,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,6,0,24,15,15,0,6,9,0,3,2,1,1,0,4,0,1,12,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,8,15,3,7,12,2,5,0,4,0,0,9,2,0,6,4,60,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988005690692435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073900613696576,0.1476195426873062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078304009953788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607902124625747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035428304353495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854251108044126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316798696492305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422419982954829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6169313702007759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917860730255583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077332180603602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136325105345373,0.19233933864828331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451914305635585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182007482337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402776365146518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998818939672056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459336640801866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704616326448235,0.343717264471964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24414472158368866,0.1109142301236801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497783187103326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023451372617908,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ExploraDora64a,2018/12/29,"Random impulsive thoughts and actions so intense they put you on hold till you’ve done it I literally just saw a pic on Instagram of somewhere wearing sports socks and instantly I had to have some. 2 mins later I was searching online, wasn’t gonna go out today but an hour later I’m back at home with 10 pairs. Feeling relaxed. 

Same thing with tasks. If I need to google something, or check something or anything I literally need to do it there and then and I can’t relax until I’ve done it. No matter how unimportant it is. 

Anyone else? ",2.2736363636363635,4.6769170093458,3.642888700084964,86.27022939677146,79.84112149532709,6.1338997451146975,25.61512319456245,7.348242739294969,1.3911196261682246,428,17,82,6,11,140,80,107,0.055,0.826,0.11900000000000001,0.6879,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,0,22,17,13,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,2,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,7,2,8,2,12,9,2,16,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,5,9,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573534253345273,0.2428629823749545,0.1950536757934748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225974031181924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851234486630293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800630451394674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984837294236175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470835584803678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377582002880269,0.0,0.23342462837540226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351506207095124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382783973200773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36495114705399057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747073202428688,0.0,0.0,0.1881735896742945,0.0,0.0,0.2246746307943364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamsam2018,2018/12/29,"DAE fall in love with the same person over and over again What I mean by this is, does anyone have the constant ups and downs of ""holy shit I love this person and we should get married"" to nothingness and having to remind yourself that you care about that person so you don't push them away? Maybe this isn't a BPD thing. I was just curious",3.832173913043477,4.978087579710149,3.8151884057971017,92.2888695652174,71.7536231884058,6.679420289855073,21.046376811594204,6.742157984588678,0.1843889855072467,269,5,58,2,5,82,52,69,0.048,0.768,0.184,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,2,1,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,7,3,1,0,0,10,12,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,12,10,1,10,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,0,2,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562929918272033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100079058142354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815203178452309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789734363920594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415497479279967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560712570890004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678192528512045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034777933263001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245596341887542,0.2434828742872045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5855169078077268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22944390057718825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148499236536274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ATrashcanInHumanForm,2018/12/29,"WHY CANT I JUST BE STABLE FOR A SINGLE FUCKING DAY WITHOUT DRUGS?!?!?!? FUCK, I can't last a single fucking day without weed or I'll lose my fucking mind!!!! I hate this so fucking much, why couldn't I be normal for just one fucking day? Just one, just fucking one is all I want!",0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.73684210526315,3.8,23.535087719298247,3.1291,-0.047828070175438775,210,8,45,0,6,69,33,57,0.19399999999999998,0.725,0.081,-0.8198,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,8,0,2,0,6,8,0,0,1,12,15,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,3,0,0,6,0,4,12,4,4,0,1,0,7,0,0,7,1,4,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421621025162789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515099827757105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8099874714067382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357395881939318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020257135018626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002697802451142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638039093155906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201025546958708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263456356390515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544439651062664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382522195996072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588285462415375,0.0,0.0,0.2413080823051829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Colcol90876,2018/12/29,"Alcoholand Drugs Hey guys.

This year was getting worse and worse. Does anybody else also drink and take drugs so you don't have to feel anything? Especially Alcohol is a problem for me. I drink almost every evenining alone. Not that much (except weekends). Still have to go to work. But i am so feed up with it. I cannot lose weight because of it. I spend a lot money because of it. As long as i do that i cannot improve my life, i'm sure. So guys, what did you do so you could restrain from getting drunk to feel better? I really want to improve and heal myself, i'm on therapy, taking antidepressiva and stopped self harm. Just the fucking alcohol... anybody has similar experience like me'?",1.5269227392449525,4.1843872761194065,3.1587445127304683,86.45530728709394,86.68656716417911,5.839508340649692,25.04653204565408,7.285733465282438,1.4552428446005266,541,23,103,9,17,178,90,134,0.17,0.7490000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.91,0,1,7,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,0,3,7,7,1,0,3,0,13,12,0,0,1,19,24,12,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,5,7,2,2,4,2,1,4,4,0,0,2,3,14,3,15,21,2,8,0,1,0,1,7,2,1,2,6,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034820004211426,0.1421795438065223,0.1470557867609108,0.0,0.11354701112910327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684326315018588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310800387682065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557602777676113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336512434649762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425384457991873,0.0,0.0,0.2781865533598271,0.32931985396916835,0.0,0.11861198026442366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196302330122742,0.0,0.0,0.13889060276009998,0.0,0.0,0.1435858608750654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312647612121378,0.14836477087972275,0.0,0.08069452578554068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811790512618936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002896688485738,0.0693677119150594,0.0,0.0,0.12565409169784472,0.0,0.15884721600947338,0.0,0.12071233211777507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437683603445262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586245326684154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096055487037176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812348356404118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339106005929375,0.1187075509445818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382113613073007,0.0,0.21351321705463416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237459248542924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374765452389057,0.0,0.0,0.17290200360150396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336828033799417,0.0,0.2893939157450919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143501990335356
bpd,Doodlenoodle1234,2018/12/29,recently diagnosed After my therapist recommended a psych eval her and another doctor are slowly coming to the consensus that I have BPD. I got prescribed anti depressants because I often go through depressive periods but I haven’t been taking them (I’m just so bad at remembering to take pills and too lazy/just don’t care enough I guess). I’m pretty sure I missed my follow up with the psych about the anti depressants and have an upcoming appt with my regular therapist next week and I’m so scared to say “yeah I just haven’t been taking my prescribed meds” can I get sent to an in patient facility for something like that? ,4.5869747899159625,6.763999840336139,5.709823529411768,75.32120588235297,71.60504201680672,9.80201680672269,29.54705882352941,10.125756701596842,3.4244278991596646,507,21,88,15,10,168,78,119,0.193,0.665,0.142,-0.7749,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,1,6,1,9,3,0,0,1,14,24,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,4,1,14,3,13,20,1,12,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,2,6,56,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023019577148296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355491504063094,0.09896244027526986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446461114526945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655189298764834,0.0,0.0,0.13984363114417378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194758986688723,0.1647741520911788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616435908990548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774313003211952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481722074264335,0.0,0.09226294578817093,0.0,0.129840073837099,0.0,0.17883849246432634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931231247182552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032584544722602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265301910193956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165160617396438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029356733133013,0.0,0.18390232968636366,0.0,0.0,0.1291012185738004,0.16253309617863054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497913616419455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300582174501545,0.0,0.3661839172806602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37698415422970294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022130731122153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,awittyusernamexample,2018/12/29,"Advice- social anxiety spiral? How do you handle anxiety and social situations? I’ve been building myself up to seeing a group of old friends who I haven’t seen in a while but plans changed last minute and I’m so anxious and sad right now I don’t think I can go. I’m crying and I just want to stay home. I’m exhausted thinking about the travel there and back because I live further out never mind the fact that if I get upset while there I can’t just go home really quickly, I’ll feel slightly trapped there. 

I’ll feel so bad letting my friends down again but the thought of talking about my depressing lack of a life while they are doing so well isn’t great either. I feel so silly but so sad. ",3.3171328671328686,4.7025342797202825,4.2506293706293725,87.74209790209792,73.33566433566433,6.8783216783216785,26.98601398601399,7.348242739294969,1.3176209790209796,554,20,114,6,11,179,91,143,0.26,0.626,0.115,-0.9778,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,18,11,0,1,6,0,10,2,0,1,2,25,25,18,0,3,7,0,3,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,2,6,0,0,6,1,0,3,5,6,1,0,3,5,13,5,11,21,2,20,0,3,2,0,9,6,0,1,10,73,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667011063752964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453000927364971,0.18112436236285484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328189850853907,0.13386670853715332,0.09773411422162884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960516401512768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611215525908208,0.0,0.0,0.13808978194046184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431991002107607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477371519495843,0.0,0.08376446576059343,0.0,0.18223554829495053,0.0,0.0,0.17676155938739654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32164297246703194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306882554029177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394566136656388,0.11324400641197975,0.0,0.0,0.14157205947182522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188500174206233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365439915253025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823666952805602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270985812636972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369187506053816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776020535362034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021475061813425,0.0,0.3268672520925155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170887709883456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886511645614268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054626889124582,0.0,0.1272820719733544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456527312111668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415361559381934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leaveitt0weaver,2018/12/29,"Needing others to be excited for/with you... Does anyone else find that they have a hard time staying excited about something they enjoy or like without other enthusiasm?   


I can be on cloud 9 but if I talk about the thing I'm excited about to someone and they don't share my enthusiasm, I fall right off the cloud and feel like crap. My only solution has been to just not talk about anything I feel excitement about or passion about which is not a great alternative. Thoughts? Solutions?",3.7595115995115975,6.407729175824176,4.432454212454214,81.29310134310134,75.92307692307693,8.0004884004884,28.7924297924298,8.841846274778883,2.63689645909646,389,17,70,9,9,124,64,91,0.149,0.598,0.253,0.8822,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,3,0,7,11,1,0,4,0,8,2,1,0,0,15,13,6,0,2,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,10,10,12,9,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,3,3,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367634968532688,0.2398458036842741,0.19263045020187616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048477026012057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955463972989497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367189025475604,0.1672290169493191,0.0,0.0,0.2139477171526013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807744959490936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969248342891836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287223621698498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356965626523407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178030749504257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990569262016727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983378551969612,0.18020861045740189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495014441300617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762942656990793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555144135585275,0.0,0.0,0.1858358379948823,0.1364957409436448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564775989810065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,awreathafranklin,2018/12/29,"Closing my eyes and feeling a dark void Sometimes lying in bed at night, I'll close my eyes and instantly feel like I've traveled into this huge dark empty room. My SO is right beside me, cuddling me. Our bedroom isn't very big either, but I'll feel completely alone, in this hauntingly endless black void when I close my eyes. It's hard to explain but do you know what I mean? It makes me think of the other plane in stranger things but no one else is there.",4.704193548387097,5.240725387096777,4.792634408602151,88.30895161290327,69.3225806451613,7.490322580645162,28.403225806451612,7.1686216300943375,1.3420838709677416,363,12,76,3,6,113,68,93,0.11800000000000001,0.83,0.052000000000000005,-0.7292,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,1,0,18,12,7,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,6,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,11,1,7,12,1,15,0,0,4,1,3,12,0,0,3,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846732506286889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881866792509277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961121577811106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169341580492836,0.19636085566132666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462215961260461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105649609313218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428327082184174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347194745456324,0.0,0.0,0.2994043633101163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579385633404692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625302413198264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23472991452411945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184469886056994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826055302548151,0.1761199221913636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678922897309295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonymoustradamus,2018/12/29,"There's nothing in between ""they love me"" and ""they're leaving me."" I really dislike this. Every time I start trusting someone new, when I get really into them and they get really into me, that's when it all turns to shit. 

It's like every single text needs to be over-analyzed, every minute between messages needs to be counted, every phrase and word needs to be picked apart for hints or clues that shows they still like me. Because they do like me, and I need to make *sure* they're not going to leave me. 

Cue the self-fulfilling prophesy.",2.407012987012987,4.898973095238102,3.1917748917748945,89.18064935064936,79.95238095238095,5.7229437229437226,21.926406926406926,6.980632752743323,0.7256666666666671,425,13,81,5,11,134,64,105,0.06,0.7959999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.7938,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,5,0,4,7,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,2,2,17,15,7,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,15,6,12,12,2,11,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,1,9,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429626589333452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5213246763117447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616360141733608,0.0,0.08791265902441339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32758415530902485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267179816298673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961180671045936,0.0,0.10325532822771104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587962659744515,0.0,0.14939847090465952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484271456036203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972909562505904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613731436836475,0.0,0.15878483538929491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310664970533416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948884281203557,0.0,0.1235339014929274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579144987092202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901997181043329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825594017836176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fernbunny,2018/12/29,"DAE fake being sick a lot to get out of work/school? When I was younger, I used to come up with everything to get out of school. In elementary, I used to scratch my arm intensely everyday until I got a spotty rash and could be sent home. I used to feel so alone and empty right after recess and couldn’t handle it so I’d scratch my arms. In middle/high school, I used to put thermometers up to lightbulbs till they reached just over 100. I’d even go as far as doing my makeup to make me look sickly. I still do the sickly makeup at 24 sometimes, and I’m never actually sick. I just wish I was so I had a valid excuse to not deal with people constantly. It makes me feel so relieved and in control to fake sick and get out of things. ",3.1023885918003566,4.015763588235295,4.411016042780751,88.21139037433157,73.24836601307189,7.3937017231134865,23.713012477718358,7.686295010490155,0.9145215686274506,571,15,126,7,11,189,91,153,0.152,0.79,0.057999999999999996,-0.9377,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,0,4,0,9,8,3,7,1,29,27,15,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,12,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,5,5,16,1,30,18,1,24,0,0,1,0,4,12,0,1,8,80,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.1442114552428263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305497354263736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729893691515898,0.0,0.15969711848946852,0.16574725300456378,0.11798989002534865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235415512571351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760695294005488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281466794069555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944349094578827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316260371165292,0.0,0.0839864841852287,0.0,0.11819275023978858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561371345028568,0.14823486785723264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240975441668324,0.0,0.0,0.12563682943395166,0.0,0.0,0.1972879011389934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397664545722112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245168440872847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855919458166236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620286864962652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44868217064025795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461576846434396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801688379365426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817812014359092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105360916282401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993910910667426,0.0,0.0,0.10758522164110468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thatgirlambz,2018/12/29,"Anxiety over emergency contacts Does anyone else get anxiety when they are asked to provide emergency contact information? In all honesty, I don't really have anyone I trust for that. I try to avoid doing it if it's not a requirement. If it's required, I usually put down my uncle because he's the one *most* likely to care out of my family, but even we aren't close. Problem is people get really pushy about me providing that information even when it's optional and I'm adamant that I don't want to list anyone. They seem to think it's strange that I have absolutely no one I trust.

Truth is, I don't want to be alone if I have a medical emergency. I don't want to die alone. But I also don't want my family involved because they're dysfunctional and toxic...not the kind of stress a person needs if they're sick/injured. As far as friends go, I'm not really close enough to anyone at this point for them to care. It's also worth noting that neither my family nor my friends know anything about my medical history as an adult, so contacting them for information is a pretty moot point.

Am I strange for feeling this way???

TL;DR: I have anxiety about listing someone as an emergency contact because I don't trust anyone and no one knows my medical history.",5.39571356275304,6.135285967611336,6.721313259109312,74.36998608299595,67.8663967611336,10.709412955465588,33.25126518218623,10.686352973137794,3.7476884615384622,1002,44,186,28,16,341,119,247,0.168,0.653,0.179,0.9185,0,3,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,4,2,10,13,0,2,8,0,18,3,0,0,2,36,36,19,1,10,8,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,13,7,0,3,8,0,1,2,13,3,0,3,0,1,27,10,27,35,4,16,0,0,0,0,19,10,0,7,4,121,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173669636212492,0.0,0.16783677528807034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24083043337316046,0.0,0.0,0.3668732921717099,0.10752075028602323,0.08635452534706227,0.0,0.09810228803416722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190656489984131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398131230488213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890843656033454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183141143066796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766171861396806,0.0,0.0,0.10842836864999923,0.0,0.13862030418104312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967768778281874,0.0,0.05305949409542771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214872431306926,0.0,0.10965090345924422,0.0,0.0596383333060444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092761366790402,0.115341683205272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126710496896268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171401216046243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780974018245353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133248605099057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727503688457534,0.09162727561796828,0.0,0.0,0.19839949226833364,0.0,0.0,0.10675904465412923,0.0,0.10041090387269676,0.0,0.10549105428200466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167672476863385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955310527339365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889131044751155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020541821261488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723963813846533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124559510189599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155737024447026,0.0,0.24757915040577386,0.08329441056127877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Laycia,2018/12/29,"My boyfriend’s extended family constantly turn up unannounced and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I feel like such an asshole for feeling this way. I have nothing against my boyfriend’s family. They’re all lovely people and I’m very jealous my boyfriend has such a large, functional and healthy family. 

The thing is — I’m incredibly uncomfortable around certain people, and his extended family seem to fall into that category. I’m bad at small talk, I fear I come off weird or annoying, and I have to mentally prepare myself to be able to handle over 8 additional people to the original 4. 

I am currently staying at my boyfriend’s house. I was planning on doing some work and then this huge horde of people turn up. I feel terrible about admitting it but it’s like my heart sunk. I’ve ran out of my sertraline (zoloft for Americans) and I’m on the highest dose (200mg) and I haven’t taken it in 4 days. I’m sure that’s a huge contributor to how I feel right now but I still feel like *such* a bad person. 

I know it’s really unfair of me to think in this way.  I’m a guest in my boyfriend’s home, too, and I have no right. But I feel like I’m going into panic overload. I can’t deal with hearing about 13 different peoples voices downstairs. I can’t deal with this many people. I’m not even down there with them and I feel so incredibly overwhelmed. 

I can’t go home because I have a very toxic family and I don’t live nearby. I’m stuck feeling this way until they leave and I’m so angry at myself for feeling like this towards people who have done nothing bad to me. I just don’t have the energy. 

And a big chunk of me is so hurt that my boyfriend knows I’ve been feeling really rough and uneasy because of my medication and he’s not even come up to see me since his family have got here. 

I fucking hate this disorder, man. It makes me so dysfunctional and I feel like such a bad person *all* the time. ",2.1625374597395317,4.303668139896374,3.9776123792185984,85.12639196191013,78.74093264248705,7.4890351491387745,24.422069738131913,8.441846121484758,1.6956239462260183,1506,54,306,32,37,507,177,386,0.184,0.7,0.11599999999999999,-0.9881,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,2,2,21,23,4,3,13,0,22,6,1,4,4,59,66,28,0,0,7,0,13,6,1,0,3,2,2,3,18,26,0,0,17,0,0,6,9,14,0,0,7,16,44,9,43,58,3,44,0,2,1,2,16,25,1,3,15,185,62,1,0.0710515975975165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063250985675248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730046466684776,0.08662478883672001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240931998370914,0.0,0.07678153546043404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045822402498385637,0.14650215451571696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423379692773327,0.08143128646848934,0.0,0.0,0.07271045293004537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385782021916657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018867367081256,0.079952800817168,0.4311098712833118,0.2537963776022313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568605706871346,0.0,0.0,0.0807605205987556,0.0,0.05682645328569917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701487427698624,0.0,0.0,0.08008031436522434,0.08419648525316141,0.0,0.0,0.1425410911669448,0.0,0.0,0.08198400405743407,0.07606220475223614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809619975958,0.0,0.0,0.07523338281496425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827332978794932,0.0,0.06273986240421896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412684087133819,0.0,0.09485498624207918,0.07203516797466741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157700957231558,0.07160329886419234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635184833400232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336374085877142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34480762080563904,0.1240790288685482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103494560221087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135535225789087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056618924203868964,0.06468270594139786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058774615759616025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573154932307698,0.05674189762246689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696528987454096,0.0,0.0,0.057108582762201515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047203524299914035,0.04552699480272058,0.0,0.0,0.04143075794092405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456747041246996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725001828643004,0.0,0.1691923529797969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172640927143523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_scary_,2018/12/29,"Undiagnosed. Am I BPD or just very moody? It was suggested to me recently that I might be borderline, and it made a lot of sense until last night when I sat down with a diagnosed BPD from work and now I’m not sure.

I’m 26, my whole life has been deeply affected by my paranoid tendencies, unnecessary bursts of rage and compete inability to get a romantic relationship off the ground.  I threaten suicide to my parents when I fly off my head, become enraged over things that don’t mean anything and just this last christmas I broke down into a crying tantrum (breaking my glasses with my hands in the process) over not being able to eat my dinner.  

However, I have kept a number of friends for years and I have never actually harmed myself like this guy has.  He was hospitalized because he was losing his mind and cutting himself excessively, he’s always very joyful and flamboyant whereas I’m quite reserved.  I’m now raising doubts on something that I felt confident about just yesterday.

But I know I’m not normal, I’m just not.  I’m markedly crazier than everyone around me that I see in the general public, I have never seen anyone act the way I do throughout my entire life and now I’m just confused.  I’m already seeing a psychologist and next session I’m going to straight up ask if she thinks I’m BPD, until then I’m coming here to ask what opinions any of you might have.",4.366918138041736,6.140255632958803,5.367073301230608,79.22887640449441,71.32209737827716,8.231781701444623,31.066345639379353,8.841846274778883,2.6913154628143388,1102,49,201,21,21,362,162,267,0.154,0.764,0.08199999999999999,-0.9554,2,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,4,13,14,4,2,10,0,17,7,2,2,3,45,44,17,1,2,12,1,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,10,14,2,1,4,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,9,5,28,4,31,31,2,36,0,2,3,0,15,14,0,8,18,128,38,2,0.11870956828355042,0.0,0.11584341458365174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099896050131132,0.0,0.0987758704371566,0.0,0.0,0.08072657715736431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300449027880047,0.0,0.0976878599866281,0.1056766836623554,0.22195484346265615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236425100327501,0.13110539163207008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485316368830706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225778181275556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303968865875864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048771299102205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121469524230283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343207968172048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397980169844933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917147179840549,0.0,0.062020849871409364,0.0,0.06746538331861633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175411360924538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183026477020167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523967420522647,0.1935282842122275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769615747536898,0.057995498811437424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328056421777058,0.0,0.1009226298603404,0.0,0.11232586378717764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930952076322735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518641848626529,0.11986282367242974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831122745460479,0.0,0.12624897260024562,0.11140088822741777,0.1163101724900196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131812927248624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626223811914322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721137745098015,0.12744965052078974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919231308474554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138842528945104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984900035961922,0.0,0.11188236323721212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886536236450142,0.07606429807381712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589565221130245,0.0,0.0942261298278994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325349936254997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642197953455932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644506992852798
bpd,092throwaway234789,2018/12/29,"Those of you w BPD, what should someone who loves you do when you pull away? I know that ultimately it's going to be different for everyone but I'd really appreciate some advice on what to do when someone I love who has BPD pulls away - in this case, suddenly stops speaking to me and ignoring my messages. ",5.145499999999998,6.040107216666666,6.38666666666667,75.99000000000002,68.5,10.666666666666666,31.66666666666667,10.686352973137794,3.490666666666667,243,10,47,7,4,82,47,60,0.081,0.74,0.18,0.8266,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,9,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,9,7,1,11,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,4,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147807718588283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130085863751712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5536472927452348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22963861090141655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002319121566748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491435527693524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079338233856055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967464758276091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080607025886682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724625590787321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837581551957444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,burntbpd,2018/12/29,"Art and BPD So I want to start making music but I feel like the lack of a set identity is coming in my way. Musicians these days are talking about race and gender and I want to be a part of that but I also feel like an impostor because I don't always agree with the general message going around. I haven't grown up poor, I don't always think that people of my race are relatable, I am not very confrontational so I can't make songs about every problem in my life and directly confront them. I feel lost and already feel weak. ",2.112222222222222,4.107948,3.809037037037037,86.9896666666667,78.25925925925927,6.912592592592592,22.837037037037035,7.908726449838941,1.1725192592592588,416,13,85,7,10,139,71,108,0.158,0.701,0.141,-0.4398,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,0,5,0,9,2,0,2,0,23,22,10,0,4,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,5,2,1,3,5,5,0,0,1,5,14,2,12,20,2,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254531320558875,0.1540268056736274,0.3205269452349577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146001572522715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741072093640745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258028938830986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591286052902166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421482082951088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227871143100026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895491615422296,0.27519527438266217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946232682393588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604318758551995,0.18819495074188655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102520061398319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713176259714204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085733351223825,0.0,0.13352862512589098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429775895977246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632739162328564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480926334851325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341403318006393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891997385142445,0.2272078072457009,0.15288153585173575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stitchinbeitchen,2018/12/29,"F**k BPD and f**k my great ability to attract nonemotional men F**K! This year just feels like its been one ongoing joke taking the piss out of me for trying to be emotionally stronger and independent as an individual.

Oh and what do I do? I just sponge it all up, its all just rotting me from inside to out",5.224,6.1381047333333365,6.190000000000001,77.40000000000002,68.33333333333334,10.0,30.0,10.125756701596842,2.8429999999999995,244,9,49,6,4,81,46,60,0.038,0.727,0.235,0.9151,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,2,12,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,4,10,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769900894811793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260139443275765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914944222074756,0.2705607674959545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175449578643325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502559837123472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25663343637342195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28475359540527506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571289889106009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438860790221765
bpd,Product_of_80s,2018/12/29,How did you know you had BPD ? interested in the symptoms as they sound very similar to anxiety and depression ,4.529499999999999,7.40580495,6.0100000000000025,69.785,74.5,12.0,35.0,11.20814326018867,5.456999999999999,89,5,15,4,2,30,19,20,0.223,0.67,0.106,-0.4522,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429255793926638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5645807946295996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860945827770885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463576528968353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659245178296639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698699731367219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dickaflicka,2018/12/29,"Not had a FP in months? Can only care for a FP? It's almost been a year without having a FP I'm aware of. I wouldn't really say anyone else has really hit the mark for me since.

Is this a good thing, or bad? Are any of you guys in a similar situation?

I tend to not interact with others, but I've been very isolative for years and I've not even found a FP through the internet (like I usally do). 

Is it good to not have a FP? I dont tend to like a tone apart from when I have a FP. 

I'm quite a bitch to anyone who isn't my FP; I dont mean to, I just can't care for others as much as I care for a FP...

Thoughts?",-0.7789510489510505,0.4236492867132888,2.480419580419582,96.87139860139862,84.10489510489509,6.358041958041959,16.594405594405593,7.321109707123232,-0.2671286713286713,460,8,127,7,13,167,79,143,0.079,0.784,0.13699999999999998,0.8341,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,3,9,1,0,14,0,17,0,0,0,0,15,28,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,5,1,11,7,20,21,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,2,6,80,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884701897346026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787518975258052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218383450517692,0.16253721523977982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245108169499276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852076439599157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37183101077412267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251666853834904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047749302220354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393178408696094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26610596611632986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707060557008426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549991504503827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279673659340666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266185372595799,0.0,0.11661276165378905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064677308077508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872464280427546,0.0,0.0,0.203247423623645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615052176266253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122201752951368,0.178308997939846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538804232207563,0.0,0.0,0.1259360769938686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088800118953126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291557307048467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043075952078057
bpd,acceptingone,2018/12/29,"Grief and BPD. So my best friend died 16 days ago. I miss her like I can't describe, I feel shit in so many ways but I won't go into that in this post. It has been really difficult keeping my symptoms under control. 

I was diagnosed aged 12 and have done ex-ten-sive therapy. I'm 28 now and was feeling really well, managed not to harm others or myself, I've completed degrees and keep studying, learning languages, coding, art shows, theatre and keeping a job for more than a year, looking after others in need, etc, unstoppable. I even gave up cigarettes after 15 years. 

Now I am again nerve exposed, oversensitive and especially very irritable and easily hating everything and everyone around me. Thank god I only have reached passive aggressive instead of shouting at everyone. BUT I REALLY WANT TO. SO MANY EMOTIONS ITS RIDICULOUS!

I've lost everything to borderline in other moments of my life, specially lost myself.

I am an expat and only had her and my boyfriend as active presences in my life, all my other friends have moved since it's primarily a student city. I am terrified of loosing my boyfriend now, of course. I'm overall a mess and I want to know if/how others have dealt with grief while being borderline.

So far I've started drawing again, silly me was sure I was too happy to make any art. Well universe had other mf plans didn't it

TLDR: How do you deal with your BPD when you have a loss so big that gives triggers to your triggers ",4.504624220544802,6.366371974729247,5.422981621266823,78.60829586478505,71.12996389891697,8.357663275352808,31.363472267804397,8.97023862654752,2.8752541516245484,1155,52,203,23,22,378,173,277,0.16,0.665,0.17600000000000002,0.2909,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,4,0,6,18,24,4,0,6,0,22,5,1,5,2,36,44,23,3,3,4,0,2,1,2,1,4,1,0,0,13,15,0,4,4,3,0,2,4,13,2,0,12,4,30,11,27,30,4,32,0,6,1,0,11,12,1,1,17,135,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148836464341164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785703978206902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192026038585182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015005843026845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883919747045045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004045375995866,0.0,0.12841012803402935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383649668511602,0.11803403200697732,0.0,0.11620481127678715,0.11882241273280188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716289029000007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287856974029775,0.0,0.0,0.12768647261808608,0.07561948145046372,0.0,0.0,0.21879996034334226,0.20579223131489505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577903982319752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769091840167138,0.0,0.0,0.10982911877696326,0.06506723334386874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218765989222446,0.0,0.11303504684579735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361353304607262,0.3052915793018331,0.0,0.0,0.06292064012653573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173516657851816,0.055933968925017216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961426584531859,0.0,0.2499584421683511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642287937081381,0.2321495230007067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168461631297416,0.0,0.08489279026119895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741494153173151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964965057482494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220035433304403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175222095474774,0.09470720619366804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103652150735774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790535053271327,0.11899881561530565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540689301730004,0.13092914786368529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446613571648488,0.13505818705447098,0.09087673225907264,0.0,0.0,0.20588029132547234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474554492497889
bpd,ma0zer,2018/12/29,"Something a little light hearted As messed up as I am, I can honestly say I love animals. 

I have 2 cats, and I swear I love them more than I ever loved any person. Including my former wife , and  my children.

Does anyone else have a furry friend that helps them get through the day?",3.9053571428571416,4.975238821428572,4.830714285714286,85.36428571428574,71.5,7.742857142857144,26.5,8.07648339933343,1.5543714285714283,218,7,44,3,4,71,43,56,0.057,0.604,0.33899999999999997,0.9626,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,4,4,1,0,1,3,8,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,5,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,3,11,2,0,0,3,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143050748772478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598569469068972,0.2432298399843283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309422454742647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773794312631289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830540369655825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472907752911266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340370655624774,0.0,0.12402430057259338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813033563638593,0.15911472071132632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23792296925357814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6427499502816079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727615392817264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877874323739705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275121270435613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SaltBin,2018/12/29,"How do you get over the feeling of rejection when your partner is not in the mood? I’ve tried googling this but all I do is find support for loved ones/the partner. I don’t wanna have my partner have to deal with my issues and I know this is an irrational one. 
But as the title suggests, I feel rejected when my partner is not in the mood for affection so I’m wondering is there anything I can do to get over that feeling? ",2.6787824675324683,4.095553079545457,4.062857142857143,88.32500000000002,75.02272727272727,7.301298701298702,29.61688311688312,7.957251820313856,1.8988746753246744,333,15,71,5,7,110,54,88,0.1,0.727,0.17300000000000001,0.7941,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,2,1,16,22,8,0,1,4,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,10,2,12,22,1,6,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,1,2,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420531053113669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032466115986301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461798125957275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26883968374051354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30735322295891576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070069419936325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161652284460306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654738733507379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931765675282584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33378789309834805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970253399993831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189835316820509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BrokenPixleTwitch,2018/12/29,"Why should I even take my meds I missed my meds on the 26th for the whole day, I took 'em on the 27th, yesterday I took one, today I'm not going to take them. I feel like they're the reason I'm so shit in person the last year. What's even the point of meds anymore? I'm still like this, they're not making a difference. Fuck it, why should I take them?

​

Also, slightly off topic, I have a friend I used to be really close to who has BPD. They've been through all the therapy and stuff. Would it be worth talking to them? ",0.3677138643067828,2.391156619469026,1.8665707964601768,98.4523045722714,84.57522123893807,5.18259587020649,16.496312684365787,6.42735559955562,-0.533276696165192,410,8,98,4,12,132,72,113,0.062,0.8140000000000001,0.12300000000000001,0.6882,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,0,5,6,2,0,9,0,8,2,1,3,1,12,22,3,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,3,0,1,3,1,13,3,11,14,2,15,0,1,0,1,7,6,2,0,8,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097358753698283,0.0,0.15035624616013665,0.16861962791356924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762164444855474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747748053427917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949458006629665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498415885130178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331134441822888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016581917235509,0.09913666240725444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721265122427252,0.12828978344778874,0.0,0.0,0.07886566922343027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131153259441124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559113135427964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926294421296253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624235122124081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403352370570857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116781288383817,0.0,0.0,0.13118163992809875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889902955563113,0.1426777318506535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244447209851094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108211709341599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885740268255932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31301124680650644,0.11153733444388107,0.0,0.0,0.1586945431128584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315368672089742,0.0,0.3083551199305604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198519348666138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25043503102314746,0.1549307282289443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857757685831807,0.0,0.16861962791356924,0.08936274133762577
bpd,sulfurxskies,2018/12/29,"DAE get obsessively attached to a particular book/film/TV programme/video game really quickly? I have found this happening to me with a game I’ve played recently. I’m addicted to the idea of a particular character in the game; almost as if he’s my FP, but obviously can’t be as it’s not a real person. I’ve been addicted to playing the game, reading fanfiction related to the game, etc. I’ve had this happen to me a lot in the past to varying degrees; perhaps the most intense wave of it was when I tweeted an entire letter explaining how I was still alive because of this guy to the celebrity who played the character in the TV show that I was obsessed with. 

I can’t figure out whether I am simply trying to escape reality in a sense by engrossing myself in these fake worlds, or if I am looking for something in these characters/celebrities that I strongly desire but don’t have? Perhaps a personality trait? Affection? I’m in a relationship  and quite happy, so if the latter is the case, I think I may be even more confused by all this! 

If anyone has any insight at all into this, I would really appreciate it. I’m starting to feel very insecure with myself and I’m almost isolating in a sense to avoid talking about all of it.  ",6.305873671782763,6.322798938016528,7.681180637544276,70.78008264462812,65.81818181818181,10.881227863046043,35.880755608028345,10.608840637214634,3.9407499409681233,981,45,178,24,14,339,138,242,0.073,0.779,0.14800000000000002,0.9592,0,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,0,5,21,0,18,2,0,2,4,39,31,15,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,14,7,0,1,7,11,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,2,16,5,35,21,7,18,0,0,1,0,14,12,0,11,6,128,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35827303763330864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290918522705232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174539578751007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489858662363643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016988399575673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326378012005012,0.10853390916969416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830867360559523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801718828713371,0.0,0.0,0.08585207821270965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627057808776006,0.29062088689009075,0.174925078347744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550086625297846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799008350416314,0.0,0.0,0.13970168951516498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686506676753606,0.0,0.2869613212332591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477792653262988,0.16436764598803155,0.18703575126104985,0.21053927087134172,0.0,0.16224931398400255,0.17642159672722188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650401037640654,0.0,0.0,0.11630879101530255,0.0,0.13122870205790915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207674586623333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529165725667626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115646512711584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558383100234947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673047084853858,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pops-of-sunshine,2018/12/29,"DAE notice their symptoms getting WAY worse when they're about to start their period? It's like, I reach a point where I've finally, truly, legitimately lost my mind. I rage at every little thing that goes wrong, then I cry when I realize I'm being a b*tch. I snap at everyone around me and even get in trouble at work for my wild mood swings...
... And then the next week, or the next day if I've particularly been on one, my period starts.

Like, it's so bad that once I got fired from a job for screaming at a manager and slamming dishes in front of her, because she had the audacity to let me know I'd been sat with a table. That VERY NIGHT I started my period.

Looking back I think all the worst times in my life, especially related to employment, lined up with my cycle. But PMS is normal and I have this stupid disorder. I manage to convince myself I don't have BPD occasionally because my symptoms get way better after my bleeding starts (my blood has shed and so have the demons!!) and by the end of the month I'm like whelp, that therapist got me AGAIN.

TL;DR do BPD symptoms get worse with periods or is fluctuation just the nature of the beast? ",5.341759201497197,5.601656192139743,6.350857766687465,78.66394104803496,67.8646288209607,9.686961946350593,28.58421709295072,9.606745405546679,2.3535824079850283,904,28,183,18,14,302,142,229,0.175,0.758,0.067,-0.9823,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,2,3,11,14,2,0,14,0,13,8,1,0,1,21,30,16,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,8,10,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,7,3,28,5,26,21,2,40,1,1,1,0,4,13,0,3,27,113,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032839751658148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921358110745273,0.09687333342647912,0.1414515907292327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261182896615703,0.0,0.0,0.2922507207167138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274444686307793,0.07482444472850779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297100242064844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276085294711752,0.0,0.0,0.07663128620956389,0.0,0.09775334692748318,0.1108637751945935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709618017792976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24246634908976644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855864197929268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513370630340318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376253168549018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864012263347687,0.08194960876813782,0.17004713200807972,0.1162842956041223,0.0,0.0,0.09742906768939838,0.0,0.12665146966689608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714891567795947,0.0,0.0926074715355387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467809416203015,0.10887857353560212,0.11367670285124712,0.0,0.13209155646248705,0.0,0.1235594006889015,0.0786193554060192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096780761351553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32848322966222765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617731352993701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471021972371344,0.07707970997579464,0.07434206677380659,0.0,0.0,0.06765322830290431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573011272159508,0.0,0.1841853645636761,0.0930656672105912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844652318627561,0.0,0.23647219546609335,0.0,0.12685159433034401,0.0,0.0
bpd,lexiredhere,2018/12/29,"Breaking up again I just tried to break up with my boyfriend again. I realised I do that almost once or twice a month. I don’t know how he’s still with me. He’d probably be fed up soon. Is it why I keep doing it? Because I’m scared of him leaving? I don’t know. But in every breaking up moment(my moment can last a week), I feel like “right. This is the deal breaker. I’m not acting impulsively.” So tired of being like this.",-0.22609090909091026,1.9464315222222242,1.892020202020202,96.07045454545455,89.33333333333331,4.606060606060606,19.292929292929294,6.1124844417494595,-0.1458888888888885,327,10,75,3,11,109,64,90,0.078,0.861,0.061,-0.3513,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,0,10,2,0,1,0,12,17,4,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,11,2,10,13,0,18,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,10,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24148788601318075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700949513898084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486263812166311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031885269846608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193823765283307,0.1722854524227844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435495985665684,0.0,0.0,0.2650715355986447,0.1965783861693336,0.0,0.2553546571079723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23563814680309264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249239356519374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568285732427123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600123252399095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595015938766967,0.0,0.0,0.2414442120276499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925914702875585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771790704970675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637324753158765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344479168976866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761027441639852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,extrachocolatesauce,2018/12/29,"No one relates to this!! I went out tonight and got hit on by a few guys. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable I needed more alchohol for the attention. After I drank a shitload, I noticed one guy who I had danced with was dancing with another girl. At first I wasn’t even into him, but the thought of him cutting off his attention towards me into someone else triggered me so bad!!!!!
I almost had a full blown meltdown. I felt the tears coming. All these irrational feelings took over me!!! It sucks because I don’t even know him and I felt so crazy. I ended up dancing with someone else and talked myself out of my breakdown. And only because I have just started to understand this disorder.
Also, the guy I was dancing with after wanted me to go home with him. I felt lonely, drunk and triggered. The old me would have for validation but I just went home alone. I thought to myself how strange it was to get so upset over that and that none of my friends would understand. I think maybe someone on here might? At least now I’m more self aware because before I would have caused a scene or something. I feel like I made a small bit of progress. ",2.7643601190476157,4.971041834821432,3.478035714285713,89.12529761904764,77.08035714285714,5.8738095238095225,27.630952380952376,6.868970318607317,1.3169041666666668,897,38,176,9,21,283,125,224,0.192,0.777,0.03,-0.9873,0,3,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,12,8,2,2,10,0,14,2,0,5,1,49,41,16,0,5,5,0,6,1,1,4,0,0,2,5,8,17,2,0,14,5,0,9,4,6,0,3,18,6,35,2,32,18,8,32,0,1,0,0,13,15,1,3,9,132,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864955664583648,0.11237584258618698,0.0,0.08676939092183945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137743066770519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059503537694212,0.19842630700788094,0.0,0.09232761556072996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845660198652072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146193131871564,0.0,0.09346527567875304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435323780355576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127979206560307,0.0,0.0961009885674502,0.0,0.0,0.14332972428175772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972422408328868,0.07751419059273716,0.4167175699962741,0.0,0.0,0.09229215072675803,0.0,0.0,0.08382874386885535,0.0,0.05668806547824747,0.0,0.06166445759789264,0.0,0.08677934201252828,0.0,0.0,0.32230353016824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767366052261067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059630123269727636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300882914185839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266766634882196,0.0,0.0,0.10900532094828674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510398061879258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045321118485478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235307881688252,0.11385509656691872,0.0,0.14704817171851015,0.08252102236912066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319174606418765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758013876410798,0.08353050703922263,0.0,0.0,0.07679861102995628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721018027389435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952400553532588,0.0,0.17227769232969808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055024325084968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22590980829321824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399757159533086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116576473544648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312311377614033,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Heyimnice2,2018/12/29,"New sub for partners with BPD who love their partners Hey guys

I was just over at the cesspool of r/partnerswBPD or whatever. 

Every comment reply is totally dehumanizing to the pwBPD. None of the comments are meant to be constructive for the relationship. I feel bad for any couple who’s pwoBPD goes there for relationship advice. 

What do you guys think of setting up an askBPD sub or something to include those with and without BPD to discuss and provide relationship advice? I’d like a resource to reach out to nonBPD, but experience with BPD for relationship advice. I’m sure partners of pwBPD, who love their partner and are trying to make the relationship work, would similarly appreciate a more constructive resource for dialogue.

What do you guys think?",6.418297150610582,8.93179069402985,6.332550881953868,71.35851424694708,67.43283582089552,9.35033921302578,34.56987788331072,9.800150414767053,3.840083582089552,619,30,98,15,11,195,82,134,0.033,0.8390000000000001,0.128,0.9255,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,2,1,2,5,0,0,8,0,8,2,0,1,2,20,16,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,7,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,6,4,25,12,3,6,0,0,0,2,25,4,0,2,2,64,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379664697257689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839797749006497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962584348178206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355935109622459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756102453746315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713286247741476,0.0,0.0,0.1127711739549806,0.0,0.0,0.05829172662669632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34245180457371405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563225887984944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809902216592926,0.0,0.07695385277181922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134328980077417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6188664987720228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875227912523066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865505888485523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477403684926261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827117133018223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111309438523928,0.0,0.08392909305432081,0.0,0.0,0.08189539051246783,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anabananaxo,2018/12/29,"Hardest part about identity I find it so hard to crystallize my identity because since I seek to be loved, I form my identity based on whoever I am speaking to. I figure the kind of person they are and form myelf from there. It's so difficult to identify myself because it all depends on the person. ",7.645114942528735,6.897860637931036,8.429310344827588,69.06339080459772,63.31034482758621,12.560919540229886,40.022988505747115,11.855464076750405,5.0083954022988495,239,12,42,7,3,81,40,58,0.08800000000000001,0.845,0.067,-0.0535,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,5,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,2,9,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868992913516835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900462001696077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842774339083277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304644101011053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28641488912035024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436520741466805,0.0,0.0,0.5541841889084841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625098137869696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TLS108,2018/12/29,Looking at different points of view . Describe your experience living with BPD in your own words . ,5.825624999999999,9.532550312500003,5.230000000000004,71.81500000000003,77.125,8.200000000000001,33.0,8.841846274778883,3.875725000000001,79,4,11,2,2,24,15,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136086618040067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260632398608353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989057478184371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600940562206101,0.0,0.34244851786195835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855019400798588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luckyturtle2017,2018/12/29,This is my first post I have been off my meds for a little while now. Well I just told my girlfriend about dreams I’ve been having and that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with her anymore.  Roughly five minutes later I said I wanted to be with her and make things work. She said now she will be second guessing everything. Now I’m freaking out! ,3.514929577464791,4.392766690140848,4.074760563380284,91.14030985915493,72.23943661971829,6.2433802816901425,24.059154929577463,5.6839178017228535,0.3792400000000001,269,7,58,1,5,85,50,71,0.042,0.852,0.107,0.5152,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,1,11,18,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,6,3,13,2,8,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485430003840726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252368402665805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317321624031232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760809688286359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511823343553561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728763533563246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783770620625408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24002014725247464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47678501434924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362019211955257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664976459853756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947362542941905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956387528325522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533322076845635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245089761201916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,numbed123,2018/12/29,"Ruined friendships Hello everyone. I am new to this forum. Diagnosed with BPD since Jan 2018. Recently, I ruined a friendship with someone I felt very close to. I came out to them that I have BPD. I have apologized profusely too. But I guess I have crossed a line too far for they have not spoken since again. Partly, I am to blame since I said we should stop talking since I keep hurting them again and again. Then I went back on my words and said please could we be friends again. There has been radio silence ever since. I feel this deep pit of depression and despair at what I have done. I feel I can't go any longer. Does this happen with others too? Have you guys lost friends because of BPD?",1.942287104622871,4.436198167883216,2.355941605839419,94.43911922141123,81.91970802919708,5.405158150851581,21.542092457420924,6.742157984588678,0.4118013625304138,547,17,113,6,15,167,88,137,0.154,0.731,0.115,-0.6804,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,1,3,1,10,8,0,0,2,0,15,1,0,0,1,23,27,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,6,11,0,2,3,1,0,4,2,6,0,0,8,5,23,2,13,16,1,20,0,6,0,0,14,6,0,1,10,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613068410247622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739094098131132,0.0,0.07720855588024632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785578441042335,0.0,0.0,0.14486116122984274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112481620671772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090889576311493,0.12855356329093204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083785483900056,0.12961345461306856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456795021029392,0.0,0.12102560230081437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808254632609967,0.0,0.12160999066038625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570881561926096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198174161578604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952628593801414,0.12540973268432146,0.11200182175698048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558827824809333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257801328175747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826040446317875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232552455803147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715652089938146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903067503017694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505789889699928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095844970880215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238573468582834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731554283621292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058904080141053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180160350516268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450478102626347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117411736543222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ellogx,2018/12/29,"Favorite person I’ve recently realized that I have made my best friend my favorite person without meaning to. We have been friends for years but only recently (within the last couple of years) got close. This year in particular I’ve noticed how codependent we are, and how toxic it’s becoming. If I don’t get a text back for hours but he is engaging with me on other social media (sending me funny memes/tweets) I get very annoyed. I definitely have him on a pedestal and any time I realize he doesn’t care for me or do the same amount of things I do for him, I just get super depressed and cry. It’s been really bad this month and I KNOW it’s unreasonable to expect someone to do for me what I do but it just makes me feel like he doesn’t care and is on the verge of leaving me. I was just diagnosed this year and i am very grateful for it. I was misdiagnosed bipolar before, and it never seemed right. But finally putting a name to this is really helpful. 

Anyway, I recently had a meltdown and told him how I don’t believe anyone when they say they love me, because they don’t do what I’d do for them. He was also upset and crying, and told me he loved me very much and just reassured me of things. But I can’t help but feel like he’s about to leave. He’s left before, but last time I wasn’t in this deep. He wasn’t my fp then. I really don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’m scared that if I keep bringing things up it’ll just convince him to leave. So I’ve just been keeping things to myself and sleeping so as not to feel so desperate and in my head about everything. Have you guys every backed away from a friendship to not ruin it and has it helped? I love him so much and not having him would hurt a lot, so I am okay with distancing myself to cut the dependency if it means it’ll save our friendship. I also just don’t want him to react negatively to that. I know it’s for the best, but I fear it’s an all or nothing type of thing. He blocked me after my meltdown for a few hours and I had to leave work early because I couldn’t deal with it. 

Also any tips on how to manage this? I just lost my health insurance and can’t see my therapist for a few weeks. I don’t know what to do but I can’t keep sleeping to avoid my feelings. Thanks for your help! ",3.10386554621849,3.9746759411764754,4.5456302521008425,87.40819327731094,73.2016806722689,7.700840336134454,25.344537815126053,8.027739517013583,1.2673966386554625,1772,54,391,25,34,592,200,476,0.124,0.664,0.21100000000000002,0.9937,0,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,4,2,4,5,26,30,2,4,14,1,44,9,3,8,2,85,77,46,0,8,26,0,4,2,2,3,3,1,0,3,32,23,0,5,12,0,0,3,20,12,0,0,15,6,66,18,52,58,10,41,0,5,1,3,46,15,0,8,25,276,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756912422402496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006653729574921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175295587458045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953945762925416,0.11382581595312033,0.061799370031378115,0.09023762151879758,0.08174366862881678,0.12596249793185882,0.08338947373219795,0.15534819300351807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092629594465382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189610574794999,0.162603837336583,0.0,0.07630613677913951,0.06374894568594275,0.07512358997578304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236076580519478,0.0,0.06651984128556432,0.0,0.0,0.08328736700422527,0.14969667813066168,0.1057525531546411,0.0,0.08107973154812143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436749354006095,0.0,0.11600922899175276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919649620752504,0.0,0.0,0.07328641148458992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596066544909595,0.07867440324137437,0.0,0.0,0.19844257386914085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577958216623793,0.0,0.07923450707920318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973635960038045,0.0,0.0,0.12202999990992353,0.12066408358966448,0.0,0.3134844709096833,0.08041743161673208,0.0,0.0,0.07231990656966128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079603294442808,0.06292484168465266,0.20040407625066653,0.07003471080451464,0.04940553658270592,0.0,0.0,0.16124790116159868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907800628579112,0.0,0.10881897098309393,0.0,0.05708487235356241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101931588280265,0.08426648167363064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629168503040162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925395369868775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440544179575123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224756694739107,0.0,0.21924242501258925,0.0,0.0,0.06320834078435232,0.0,0.058859638398535814,0.07410185104798131,0.0,0.05898031177588806,0.06738040710902524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813675361795506,0.07544889421703664,0.06271260501594292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814299790730496,0.0,0.08593703159840352,0.24586113382382085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631739492853421,0.0,0.0,0.14144886366537446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832101915967612,0.08731183980830097,0.0,0.0593703076144208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713477456190558,0.0,0.05388374626990816,0.0,0.0,0.05257807850005928,0.0,0.0,0.1906527378242698
bpd,ellie67,2018/12/29,"On a ledge Hey, I feel like I’m really close to the end right now. I want to die but I don’t want to kill myself either. 

Just wondering if anyone is able to or wanting to talk or even just send me some memes or something. 

Idek if you can dm on reddit but fuck. I’m in a spot. ",-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,1.593015873015876,99.67142857142859,89.0,4.8698412698412685,13.761904761904766,6.1826913282559595,-0.9930571428571427,210,3,55,2,7,73,46,63,0.205,0.73,0.065,-0.9246,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,2,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,17,11,7,2,5,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,8,11,2,8,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,7,3,33,6,0,0.27160629217408755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899134346489666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818844501733551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405625578476639,0.0,0.0,0.17939339440103588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733230217918094,0.19403558939867135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25109564050945943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004921204705522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269311499251712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739979456433116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319502894851032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909579319846575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830684938604009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806012846019657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945454379140678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,holliemariee,2018/12/29,"i’m so fucking weak he doesn’t want to work on us as a couple but still wants us to “be friends” 
he literally told me he’s still hung up on his ex 
but said he wants to still hang out and that if it’s okay with me that he’ll hit me up to get lunch next week
i so desperately don’t want people to leave me that i’m going to fuckimg go with this and this shit is exactly why i was abused for two years. i’m so fuckimg fed up with myself
i’m sorry i keep posting in here. my friends don’t care anymore. ",0.8909758454106296,1.77290486086957,2.8350724637681166,97.49512077294688,78.65217391304347,6.154589371980678,21.473429951690818,6.42735559955562,-0.06316425120772973,389,10,104,3,9,131,71,115,0.157,0.7040000000000001,0.139,-0.5123,0,0,0,0,2,0,3.0,2,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,1,15,25,9,0,5,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,6,6,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,4,1,12,4,18,18,0,17,0,0,0,1,13,7,2,1,6,56,18,1,0.0,0.1910190539866096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988668191346336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643742911180875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178386599146218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491159749192252,0.1490450712244712,0.08423067104519243,0.0,0.18324981102420526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432995312163874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070844864967746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145904486850516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117694828468184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440396582191696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153356911706551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548976792134965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047232323240808,0.0,0.0,0.3862509282771541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405239059852854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748828039239018,0.0,0.3878550441404157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803663684946841,0.0,0.12932076768334547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547575821241684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736990615804993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382024031477936
bpd,skullprism,2018/12/29,"Constant Nightmares? I have nightmares pretty much every single night about a variety of topics, but I would say they involve a similar theme. The theme is most likely people close to me dying, and I've struggled with these nightmares for years. Due to these nightmares, I've taught myself how to defend myself in a variety of ways. I've taught myself how to fight, although I did take karate for a few years as a kid, and I've taught myself how to disarm people with weapons. I've learned through years of self-harm and emotional pain to accept physical pain, and now I barely react when I feel physical pain. I've begun telling the people around me that I would take bullets for them. Some of them seem to understand what I mean, and others straight up don't get it at all, saying that it's nice that I care about them, but then I have to correct them and state that I mean literally. My current FP, my Personal Finance teacher, understands the majority of what I tell him, and he understood what I meant when I told him in a letter that I would take a bullet for him, his wife, or his grandson. Out of everyone around me, he probably knows the most about my Borderline since I've been doing research and not really telling my parents because it feels awkward. Also, yes he is fully aware of his Favorite Person status, and I don't know if he's embraced it, accepted it, or what I just haven't asked. He treats me the same way he would anyone else. He said he hopes I never have to defend him, and I don't want to ever have to either. I just have this constant anxiety that something will happen to me or anyone else close to me, my family, friends, my teacher, his family, etc. I have nightmares where they die in front of me. I'll have ones where I get shot or stabbed for them, or I end up disarming the attacker and have to go to the hospital because my hand or arms are covered in cuts and have to get stitches. It's like I've accepted the idea of possible injury and death, but my subconscious won't let the anxiety stop. It's starting to seep into my conscious life. I've started ""checking the perimeter"" of places I'm in. Every time I'm around people I don't know I watch them, not in a creepy way, but enough that if they were to try something I would be ready. If I'm with people I know, I watch the area around us in case something were to happen. I sent an email to my teacher trying to explain this, and I haven't gotten a reply back, which is understandable, it's Christmas Break and he and his wife are taking care of their grandson. That and the email was multiple paragraphs, so it might take a while to read and write a response. Either that or he's waiting for the break to be over to talk to me in person about it. I guess I don't fully understand why I'm like this. Why I'm willing to sacrifice myself physically for other people. Does anyone else on here experience any of this?",5.996451190101709,5.815733025951557,6.409421201635734,80.30660218097935,66.49134948096885,9.289797630282061,31.355981964978504,8.841846274778883,2.4019416378316034,2291,80,451,33,33,743,247,578,0.102,0.8009999999999999,0.096,-0.6697,2,0,3,1,1,0,64.0,1,0,10,0,23,21,4,2,25,1,39,6,2,4,4,95,87,43,3,10,20,5,3,3,1,9,4,3,0,4,32,29,0,2,22,1,2,3,11,9,0,1,14,8,74,12,73,61,13,57,1,0,2,0,57,26,0,17,25,309,106,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537202590591194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045681674141193535,0.0,0.10277821610049928,0.0,0.0,0.14091210889991726,0.20648785284448715,0.0,0.23920190833684174,0.06280006653419543,0.07642188020334298,0.0,0.051653847598832285,0.0,0.08189917745079522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697989026658408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518579917052568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943522009888604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058785772109275124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683496441859266,0.07556344653324591,0.05949759410356195,0.06941029513035073,0.0749184897178842,0.0,0.06076412631651984,0.11319658782414205,0.0641891119832466,0.0,0.06571057297726987,0.12665425069345188,0.0,0.06793194789306213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189965942358617,0.0,0.10528934906763154,0.0,0.03817741027919446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400143624504328,0.0,0.1188062251690702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672047342319201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075833013658938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476716909382258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869154603529808,0.04744807404373665,0.0984557343436817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634772336116014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126263757166768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049381754885354734,0.0,0.05180992153773139,0.0,0.0,0.06303969837745285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045519887802393126,0.0,0.21443854829419506,0.0,0.07459049302227456,0.0,0.0,0.27942638823934673,0.1759652844126751,0.07018414692923976,0.0,0.0,0.07573033366578537,0.0,0.0683416792997877,0.07242659919376436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719372364708702,0.0,0.043034374249109365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389932633106889,0.10684137921093466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115409322240761,0.07007874386717332,0.0,0.0,0.05556830498914452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514504930184572,0.0,0.0,0.09509439298994528,0.0,0.0,0.05616176353392412,0.0,0.07022646499868691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525382486659981,0.053993158499017736,0.17614316161132498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03917060049543621,0.0,0.0,0.0641891119832466,0.0,0.09121557106005776,0.0,0.0,0.2797284456321596,0.0808039095169809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03962187689380674,0.15996246254785842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123096173275125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23859789900386416,0.0,0.0,0.12977654561155375
bpd,tamingjackie,2018/12/29,"Every conversation is a fight Especially when I want to vent or talk about what's going on with me. Everything I say is wrong and causes a fight. I don't have many friends. Even fewer that I talk to in a regular basis. But the few I do, I'm certain are going to leave me because even when I think I'm doing well I upset them. I honestly can't tell what I'm doing wrong, or if it's all my fault or partly their own stuff. I don't know how to get better. Dying really seems easier. But I also don't want to kill myself. I feel totally lost.",1.2874358974358984,2.727270948717951,4.202059829059831,85.77488461538465,78.82905982905983,7.4150427350427375,19.392307692307693,8.238735603445708,0.8027784615384617,419,9,93,8,10,151,75,117,0.192,0.6409999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.4541,0,0,0,0,2,1,12.0,0,0,2,2,8,13,3,1,4,0,11,0,0,2,3,19,24,11,2,3,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,8,1,0,1,2,17,5,9,23,5,6,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,5,2,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706842087133393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210652097837308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264865028833342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889206556846611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908639123577432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24293447251496425,0.0,0.15494753479314968,0.0,0.16528157229863866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298767800385732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208421718121142,0.0,0.09608254919809796,0.0,0.20903441424357866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346316269099804,0.0,0.10106914399735092,0.0,0.0,0.19472838946175994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007535661911703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864503724206356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915073157664298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117813978838736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624829812320247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741981661220345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105267377109867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956310597671324,0.1607407030368999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783862486646456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694336433924374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535229750003158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021415622863226,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrs_halloween,2018/12/29,what if I'm just lazy? I'm clinically diagnosed with a lot. but what if it's all bullshit? I'm so tired all the time. I have dishes that sit for 2 to 3 weeks before I clean them. And I usually need someone to get angry at me to do it. I love sleeping. And honestly..I love sitting on my ass for weeks and weeks being on my phone. I dont care about taking care of myself or responsibilities. I just do things when I'm told or else people will get mad and I'll have things taken away from me. I dont care if my mom gets mad when my room isn't clean. I dont want a job but I have to get one. I'm starting makeup school soon and I dont even really want to do it. Like I'm too tired to do it but I will but...like I dont care. Idk. why am I like this? ,-1.6137283236994229,0.11763310404624505,1.629742774566477,98.78472976878616,90.79190751445087,4.84728323699422,14.430346820809248,6.2581,-0.8998760693641614,569,10,153,6,20,203,89,173,0.243,0.608,0.149,-0.9702,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,9,10,2,0,3,0,17,9,2,0,2,22,40,16,0,6,10,1,0,2,0,2,4,0,3,0,10,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,21,8,16,35,3,16,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,6,11,92,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924281507931357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898833073722519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307870952602849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721217568030623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6189875731030048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882402690227219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976758570529411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207491564804092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048214263313297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321091591641604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980280606298488,0.19067030775075336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371252070368255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832326943672045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157758779337653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323050722654481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766925073103335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690314863739457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570623461098043,0.0,0.08949991378881579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747654222308717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942057653369572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035169022660385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159367325448376,0.2428121772895196,0.0,0.10093394382483876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163364665548272,0.0,0.12460656248611005,0.0,0.2541899229870274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531460011908544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myiasis,2018/12/29,"I have alienated myself from others cause I fear myself So, I'm living a lone wolf kind of style. The only people I stay in contact with are my boyfriend, my family, and a few close friends. In my day to day life, I keep my contact with people at a minimum especially at work. I'm afraid that I will get clingy if I enjoy someone's company like I have in the past or I might get upset with what someone has said to me.

I do admit that I get pretty lonely. I don't really go to social events or anything. If I do make a friend, I don't stay in contact cause I fear my emotions will get in the way. I might end up being a hermit one day.",0.7195957327344225,2.4646865182481754,3.3345985401459863,89.92532285233017,81.62773722627736,5.9672094329028615,20.02751263335205,7.010146845296331,0.3635271195957328,491,13,109,6,13,172,78,137,0.105,0.7659999999999999,0.129,0.483,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,11,0,4,8,0,13,1,0,3,0,16,24,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,1,1,23,5,16,18,1,19,0,2,0,0,8,9,0,6,7,72,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890293683272288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968620087236367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279552238617408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253177234939525,0.12797522960949373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621228772124858,0.32518278154386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326519017986093,0.0,0.3019601901641175,0.0,0.0821169817030175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842932734476584,0.0,0.15046407266615747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205754134706993,0.07059050257322179,0.0,0.12758729376433633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644817928279688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065620566081453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791014546184656,0.10989113580123276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793202907061342,0.2003423092572921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699824811513038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256397689030164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744305265313148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728933191428512,0.2448517712885699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30801417345990223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146894154959714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519042156275278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mousebank,2018/12/29,"i wish i could turn it off as a person with BPD, I make horrible decisions all the god damn time. I’m usually used to it but right now I just want it to stop. I feel like I have no control, and I just keep doing and saying stupid shit and I feel like the worst for making anyone put up with me. i feel bad for ever leaving my bedroom at my parents house and putting myself into situations with other human beings, I feel bad for making any friends because now, they know me. and knowing me seems really unpleasant nowadays.
i can feel the people around me getting annoyed every time I open my mouth
I miss my old therapist but I can’t afford to go anymore
everyone’s getting sick of me and it makes sense
I am too much and I don’t know how to tone it down
nobody deserves to be around my manipulation and horrible impulse decisions
",2.645535714285714,4.621890101190476,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,76.55952380952381,7.099047619047619,26.080952380952386,8.021203637495839,1.7032352380952376,659,25,128,11,15,222,106,168,0.284,0.637,0.078,-0.9926,2,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,9,11,4,0,4,0,9,3,2,8,2,45,32,12,0,3,4,1,5,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,6,15,0,3,11,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,0,6,28,3,20,29,3,20,0,1,0,0,6,9,2,1,10,88,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781063139685602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280590582249045,0.09028843977798652,0.0,0.0,0.22990040314054666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156309182771223,0.07871448034730001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263064624260815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482665218176105,0.10309721852943708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168025559142197,0.10879487273261172,0.12338616213212884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32645187313357604,0.1844963802649376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976302202018683,0.0,0.13492681539963575,0.0,0.07338571899425793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899495543558106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477380599825705,0.0,0.0,0.2128940871450108,0.0,0.0,0.13672660476464218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616963454007554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447724860591195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492303330576853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549682342473954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433799967191304,0.0,0.0,0.08952024358973792,0.11274851472128823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596161373665549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272191520177426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102735558564984,0.0,0.10268679009908524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755216154653618,0.0,0.0,0.13254677357890385,0.0,0.14514389943368824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079557614511269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992613216093492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058971573883692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045284583662745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152406997424406,0.14221489402141496,0.0,0.07616231437622108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848941264802126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KaraKaraO,2018/12/29,"Does anyone think the new season of Black Mirror plays on all our bpd symptoms? I’m watching the newest season and feel like there are so many scenarios that make me feel like the borderline options are all just apart of the puppet show of life..? Also, all senses are heightened which shows all of the other thinking of the day to day shit. It’s exhausting being in my own head.",7.180205479452058,6.902838219178082,6.722020547945206,79.37426369863014,64.06849315068493,8.943835616438355,29.20890410958904,8.07648339933343,1.9292767123287669,302,8,55,3,4,94,55,73,0.077,0.831,0.09300000000000001,-0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,6,0,4,5,2,1,4,12,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,3,8,9,5,9,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,8,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454195578349556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009918752624478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30638851286785074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137764764488273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128861490745148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460080095435685,0.34758253062924777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496639517201077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718279338986484,0.2376976762310012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238379992019286,0.2466363607657507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495050399979514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497119071991507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528494087726747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31175362341607954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xFadedDreams,2018/12/29,"Existential Crisis. I've been doing quite well recently...I have a job and I'm in a happy relationship for the most part anyway so obviously it's time for the shit to hit the fan. 
I hate my job. It's just horrible, I don't want to quit because then I'd have no income and the whole prospect of applying for a new job terrified me to the core.
I'm still undiagnosed for BPD because I spoke to my doctor/various mental health professionals about it and they still haven't got back to me....it's been about 8 months since I started trying to get answers and about 6 months since I've heard anything from anyone about it.
I keep crying all the time, just bursting into tears for no apparent reason. I disassociate very rarely these days which is kind of a good thing I guess.
It just feels like I'm not really living at the minute. I only work part time due to having fibromyalgia so when I'm not working I spend the majority of my time sleeping or crying.
There's more pressure on me as well because my partner started experiencing ME like symptoms about 4 months ago so I'm also taking care of him because he can't work right now.
I just feel like I'm teetering on the edge of something and I'm struggling to even put it into words...I don't know what to do.....and the tears have started again.",3.2525990548891315,4.8533725114503845,4.678767720828791,83.73960559796441,73.88549618320609,7.585896037804433,25.453289712831697,8.269060116576782,1.5411717193747725,1026,34,209,17,21,342,143,262,0.13699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.115,-0.7115,5,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,5,24,13,2,2,14,0,12,4,2,1,2,25,36,13,0,1,7,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,0,1,10,7,0,1,5,0,1,1,8,4,2,0,5,5,19,9,32,30,7,29,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,3,24,123,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084143368022396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819524043080596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165568646866613,0.0,0.08433146982151353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880001095727755,0.0,0.2498809432604814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906868948020225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448415128496176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225136697796136,0.06609046505348799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489157975026933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768640063569266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103632904171954,0.14642200941090386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053541038056840684,0.0,0.0,0.08595450741855934,0.08196180296579791,0.0,0.11289215146667045,0.0,0.0,0.1090907811655734,0.0,0.10117677772877676,0.0,0.10893036497152606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050837284740129,0.09108802718985272,0.0,0.1067160891166148,0.05631976805671179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019816152600246,0.0,0.09049081797561276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327470982048756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453932354627765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897483871089524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793988314612503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219495004531746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030196810748282,0.0,0.21799802196503856,0.0,0.0,0.06565065953472285,0.1053654606100299,0.0,0.1100240742107326,0.0,0.08751649008076813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519320162534118,0.16954334461314813,0.0,0.10255299037854504,0.0,0.0,0.07889332646234587,0.0,0.0,0.21760545122739547,0.0,0.16367969366156046,0.0,0.0,0.10713328181021113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065149000550453,0.07705144025887514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808248156029903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390252724030024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695765013947322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455589202631991,0.06044475830006621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428182281014024,0.0,0.0,0.11441412286801295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381775668026016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Schulta11,2018/12/29,Personally change after a nap Do you ever take a nap and you're totally content and fine with life but then when you wake up you're just depressed and miserable for no reason and have no motivation to do anything?,3.220714285714287,5.600746071428574,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,76.38095238095238,8.009523809523811,27.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.3936952380952383,173,7,32,4,4,58,31,42,0.281,0.628,0.091,-0.8938,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,2,2,11,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,1,5,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,24,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294272749048932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234829397770168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447929616346945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621101871280872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827561591414461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495418866871662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115931648212088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009890144889077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gigi-has-issues,2018/12/29,"Has anyone here seen You on Netflix? And is it scaring the sh\*t out of you?

​

I just started watching it, but basically a guy meets a girl in a book store, puts her on a pedestal and starts stalking her, inferring and assuming things about her based on this concept of her in his head. He even talks about an ex that he ""missed all her red flags"" (after he moved to chase her) and it's definitely referencing splitting. I can't be sure (I've only been told I have bpd 'traits', no firm diagnosis), but I'm getting definite borderline vibes and it's DEFINITELY reminding me of some of my worst characteristics.  It's entertaining AF though.",6.999860627177704,7.038648056910574,7.2839953542392575,74.13658536585365,64.36585365853658,10.931010452961669,35.457607433217184,10.608840637214634,3.6386339140534254,513,22,99,12,7,167,89,123,0.122,0.767,0.11199999999999999,0.1069,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,1,6,0,6,1,1,1,2,14,13,8,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,3,0,0,3,3,14,2,14,9,3,11,0,1,3,0,18,6,0,2,3,63,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517453118374203,0.2823241594220225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246076906522114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29262993055496184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534614382256996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139048061549518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300577149771015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384526239906513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24694557369537384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670856258295572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335705293059899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326175096082684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328909452981992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898206609425105,0.0,0.0,0.18674981424572146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435944946241778,0.0,0.2282774213869887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201525290814747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823241594220225,0.0
bpd,descaradabby,2018/12/29,"I am in love with his toxicity I want to tell you what my words fail me
That your wreckage and insecurities don’t scare me. And that’s the scariest thing. That I’m willing to give a part of me for all of you. I’m so screwed up,you make me make sense. I’m like a sadist enjoying the pain inflicted by your disease. I love the way you make me feel even when you can feel nothing. I am undone by you. A hot mess constantly reassuring what I know your heart knows already. Love knows no bounds and yet I’m tied to you. Unable to cut the cord.
No.
not unable.
not wanting to. Never wanting to leave what I feel was meant to be mine. You are mine and I’ll love you when you can’t love yourself.",0.305586734693879,2.3782695034013632,2.201288265306122,95.64438137755104,85.25850340136056,5.3076530612244905,20.0718537414966,6.6274283507984215,0.015299659863945882,535,16,128,6,16,177,82,147,0.154,0.655,0.191,0.7982,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,12,0,1,5,15,2,2,7,0,9,8,1,3,2,24,32,7,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,4,27,8,14,28,2,7,0,1,0,6,21,1,1,0,6,80,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325846503891767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987351750607431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977147681008754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441284594123034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419201330948647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531282981450208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243916341693667,0.0,0.0,0.15664997414264248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227733776579752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6676203826332787,0.0,0.2962587335465437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410254233228595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195502526023904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742147969730175,0.0,0.0,0.16020754363654718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811646671879405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293084539136771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828656620704744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26178133944486376,0.11743004114988105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scarredcutter1,2018/12/29,"mods feel free to remove, just music i made i dont post here much anymore, i always seem to be in a bad place when i seek solace of others experiencing too much, and ive been doing better. i used to have cycle screen names because i would post about cutting or some such thing and delete it out of shame... good times. my scars are fading.

anyway, im not sure if this is ok but i just wanted to share an ep i made a while ago. its electronic stuff, with weird vocals you probably cant quite make out but im actually pretty ok with it and thats saying a lot. 

i am doing better. but i dont know if it ever goes away. i still have dreams of killing myself and day dream of cutting to relieve the pit in my stomach. but its not as bad as it has been so thats something. still gotta avoid friends so i dont drive them away... but better than the alternative right? haha. ha. i am doing better. or im slipping and in denial. i cant tell.

making music helps. at least i have something at the end out of it. somedays im not sure ill make it. 


https://carepackage.bandcamp.com/album/helium-helmets",0.30378378378378196,2.71385793693694,2.2320360360360354,92.24021621621624,91.25225225225223,4.0410810810810815,15.508108108108113,5.6839178017228535,-0.7292064864864867,850,18,181,6,30,281,130,222,0.102,0.67,0.22899999999999998,0.9851,0,1,2,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,1,5,13,23,3,2,7,4,21,2,1,6,3,42,32,20,1,4,14,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,14,10,0,1,3,2,1,2,8,8,0,0,4,4,21,16,26,25,5,26,0,0,1,0,8,12,0,7,10,123,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.10125395543017757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197621916382599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863359183494949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290118822965216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949702594304644,0.0,0.17326909956496714,0.06325061007704295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670661178016334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691606299166249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36481482598718257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091899802716029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385608451629354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246373995074051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016405594072792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702824572625825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954756592219781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483107152873641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479411773819034,0.0,0.05702331106171948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821231230538441,0.0,0.1963588184350384,0.2077800995268156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254981651312566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840621967609593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874515325854628,0.10556034978491026,0.11186990461688898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036061978126803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860974057777211,0.0,0.08251343452898982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445842621190037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975771388213314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572437011373325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118779393754609,0.0,0.0,0.19558352732192916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069006372303763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893296364355407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060502790273051874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961458467390775,0.0,0.0,0.06119983042409504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370751768129534,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,washmeNayNay,2018/12/29,"I fear my pwBPD might have gotten someone else as an FP, should I be worried? Let me start by saying this is an obvious throwaway, my so uses Reddit and I do not want this to blow up in my face.
I have been dating my partner for 5 months now, we've always been upfront and honest with each other about things, so she told me right away that she had BPD. Besides her explanation on the subject, I took the liberty to research online, to understand and support it better.
Things have had their ups and downs, there's been times when I thought it was too much and just wanted to end it, but there have also been a lot more times where things were great and I couldn't be happier. She goes to a psychiatrist every week so I think that also helps her settle her things when I can't really do much. Even with the more dark episodes I've been through, I love her to bits and am content with the relationship.
That is, until a few days ago, when she started talking with this particular guy a lot more while I wasn't available. She told me right on the day she started doing because she wanted to be honest and she told me something along the lines of ""I want him to say he likes me and I'm trying to get him to admit it"" which immediately sounded like a red flag to me. 
She explained that she just wanted to feel attractive enough for someone from work to be attracted to her and admit it, and that she would immediately lose interest in that person once it happened.
It didnt make me feel great, but I accepted it at first, thinking this was just a self esteem thing and not really her developing feelings for him. She even added, to reassure me, that I was all she wanted and would never trade that for some dude she didn't even like, it wasn't logical. 
But the seed was planted and now, it left me paranoid about it, I'm always thinking that when she's not answering, its because she's occupied talking to him and other things like that.

 I am afraid that she might be developing something else for him and even starting to treat him as her FP because of the whole situation. If she is, what can I do or shouldn't do?
Maybe I'm overthinking it, but that's why I felt I needed to ask directly here, because I'm freaking out and I feel like directly calling her out or something like that will make her resent me if it's not true.",7.247323194625863,5.892370130901291,7.352940847172983,78.43244915096102,64.42918454935622,10.336107482739315,33.3509983205822,9.20300075937882,2.6585830565404,1835,61,375,26,23,594,211,466,0.05,0.7909999999999999,0.159,0.9956,0,0,3,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,4,25,25,1,2,16,0,46,2,1,3,4,80,87,38,0,14,15,0,5,6,1,7,0,3,0,4,41,25,0,0,16,0,1,1,12,5,0,1,23,9,67,20,49,50,14,39,0,1,1,1,55,15,0,9,29,287,108,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030020243653863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684235330979526,0.13197830031919933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741406348994219,0.0,0.07451082916689845,0.0,0.0,0.1933774070330344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013993025492325,0.08658188101485367,0.0,0.09988344119069384,0.0,0.08098054462268059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229193627085288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250038515208692,0.0,0.0702417950373386,0.08194455250645834,0.0,0.2095241113714717,0.0,0.06681893310702353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892415757352976,0.16039848441891774,0.05665639832912602,0.07614643349790236,0.0,0.0,0.06745785273950697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041434240539487716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487083343251886,0.0,0.07852565252228977,0.07013025184648708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315730530943517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616646884393203,0.0810960101850649,0.0,0.23247015669178214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872340405526845,0.0,0.13484666947263824,0.07157698376785407,0.0,0.10587507069265116,0.0,0.07967378406991991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826278969924113,0.0,0.0,0.06330148931201474,0.0,0.11659843250816497,0.058804576876708266,0.06116586635788108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445856422185005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069247155438969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161122449101166,0.0,0.0,0.08514522918181429,0.0,0.1354542023383477,0.0,0.12613502063593118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273371112492504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891435438413362,0.0,0.0,0.13439185056250258,0.18316146927133695,0.0,0.0,0.22453347777301055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999578868027337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748671370157105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161252773433197,0.15244872148925676,0.0,0.06296030110884325,0.09248822016906348,0.0,0.0,0.2273415513091843,0.08811215789090779,0.05384373555897107,0.0,0.0,0.08256059946729494,0.0,0.06849513386303435,0.0,0.0,0.2806612735558817,0.0,0.0636146872446029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156155214771581,0.08854259200195053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773589196790935,0.08053934291395126,0.0,0.11267376417942047,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_yksinainen_,2018/12/29,"On my coping mechanisms and benefits of board games Since I struggle with many problems that are commonly discussed in this subreddit, I thought I would share some of my coping mechanisms. While this post is about board games and social events, I intend to write more about other things in future.

I have been playing board games almost every other week since few months and it has helped me in many ways. I am really convinced that it works well in making by mood better, even if it does so temporarily. I used to hate such temporary tricks because what’s the point of doing something if we go back to the hell again anyways? In order to explain what changed my mind, let me show you a short dialogue from one of the GoT episodes:

>VARYS: So it’s safe to say that a fragile peace has taken hold.  
>  
>GREY WORM: For now.  
>  
>VARYS: For now is the best we get in our profession.  
>  
>TYRION: It’s not enough.

In short, I used be the “not enough” guy but now I agree with Lord Varys. In our profession of resisting BPD, “for now” is the best we can get most of the time. If we are happy and peaceful even for a short while, it is a win. Not because we are supposed to be ""happy"" like other people around us. But because the more we stay away from the habitual self-loathing, feeling inadequate and emptiness etc., the closer we are to getting out of such harmful habits and behavioral patterns.

There are few reasons that I think playing board games (and similar events) is a really good activity, especially for those with social anxiety and BPD.

* It helps with anxiety of meeting new people as one can talk as much or little as they want, since the main activity is playing games.
* In my experience, other kinds of social groups feel very awkward if you are not outgoing. In case of board games, it is not really required to make small talk or pretend to be a super-friendly or joyful person. To some degree, it feels like [""midding""](http://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/174141113510/midding), an amusing word that describes:

>feeling the tranquil pleasure of being near a gathering but not quite in it—hovering on the perimeter of a campfire, chatting outside a party while others dance inside, resting your head in the backseat of a car listening to your friends chatting up front—feeling blissfully invisible yet still fully included, safe in the knowledge that everyone is together and everyone is okay, with all the thrill of being there without the burden of having to be.

* Thinking, making strategies etc makes our brain do something different and is a good distraction.
* Especially for BPDs, board games in general, and social deduction/bluffing games in particular, allow certain kinds of interactions with people, giving some sense of control, that would otherwise be very difficult to have. For example, in some games you can bluff, lie, manipulate others, make humorous comments, etc. without bad consequences like guilt or broken relationships which are a concern in real life.

Finally, we can control the dose of social interactions as we can just play games and go home, or choose to get involved with people gradually. Why is it important to control the amount of social interactions? I think it is important because I, and perhaps many of you, face a paradox, a spiralling loop from which it is very difficult to get out. It goes something like this: I can’t have stable relationships because I need to fix myself first; but I can’t fix myself without a healing and stable relationship. So, when I was stuck into this kind of loop, I could not motivate myself to participate in any social events if I was depressed; or I would go with very high hopes under influence of mania, only to be disappointed when the reality revealed itself. After many ups and downs, it seemed to work for me, though not always, when I would go to the events with minimal expectations such as to just enjoy games and not to find another girl as a potential FP. :D",9.224057475196716,8.932750524613223,8.583649218839092,67.74826205952786,59.92827004219409,11.51208423613487,38.76614589272817,10.873691765975897,4.360243897061618,3177,139,514,68,37,1005,334,711,0.076,0.736,0.188,0.9982,1,0,3,0,0,0,122.0,13,6,1,13,29,52,3,4,38,1,53,6,3,16,2,123,87,47,0,15,29,0,4,4,1,4,3,2,1,3,38,38,0,7,15,21,0,6,14,15,1,3,7,6,50,36,108,66,21,75,2,2,0,0,66,38,1,19,31,379,88,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737561337484805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767647872742292,0.0,0.0,0.038964566159195836,0.06008188927243153,0.08766553932752602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05100731725587133,0.0,0.0,0.053833303704419584,0.044058581476697486,0.047841389177608766,0.17464147156154633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026131262739435,0.05067537443131186,0.0,0.0,0.14432950712753362,0.06396345410158576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061362639634853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927935460928636,0.04574774521394856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935063445913609,0.0,0.0,0.059864155326239836,0.0,0.0,0.05014181615786584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184081839197322,0.19170705785455236,0.07568950209636073,0.0,0.04827598832779738,0.1095012802219466,0.0,0.05604838299528666,0.0,0.0,0.14485780828768824,0.040933662021377416,0.0,0.06276709599855483,0.05236928198187014,0.0487376011564663,0.0,0.0,0.08853649745846286,0.0,0.1496790520024932,0.054965408096298386,0.13025496605160716,0.09611759243138138,0.04582639938849056,0.0,0.0,0.0567339720693664,0.0,0.1219894518275089,0.0,0.05656985641194676,0.05880422010928549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768112069836599,0.060538422793157465,0.05747450874900476,0.056909786030072775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790009715773264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585910289057521,0.04047123173483798,0.11197152313140872,0.057427591726912586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912341098284423,0.2323644842677425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785458875468195,0.0,0.04573467155281167,0.0,0.042120580987037436,0.04248569881195294,0.0,0.05533871052189543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765313829582769,0.04357766769524403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889271713240674,0.05003035385719814,0.0,0.0,0.05416507659061443,0.0,0.1097511818100088,0.0,0.0,0.054826393320014766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060943415462929584,0.0,0.065217603399107,0.11011958870200056,0.058911828497506424,0.0,0.18454964329788898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556562414872375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052161895466116416,0.059774250902584626,0.0,0.0,0.14219235197543414,0.0,0.0,0.4088562612527161,0.0,0.13233226783915594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061071983643608385,0.045758211399098365,0.0,0.0,0.05990025087763332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210783256219587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038066207409367885,0.11014262510619767,0.056294938208551165,0.0454881666035706,0.033410891417474144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892237067679882,0.0989740520874971,0.0,0.18910721523611115,0.03379581139711508,0.045480440257576686,0.045960953820948135,0.0,0.051517732081007066,0.0,0.051702481550682806,0.0,0.0,0.16569951748892425,0.0,0.08342717002899246,0.0,0.0,0.16281125936753227,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aniolski,2018/12/29,"I’ve Now Written Over 4 Drafts I have now written over four things (all for BPD, to vent to the subreddit) but I feel like I was becoming too “OCD” with what I was writing, and everything sounded passive-aggressive to me for no reason. 
I’m just trying to vent, and I’m being so hard on myself I can’t even feel comfortable with that right now. 
After writing four different things, which all sounded so fueled with rage even though it was nothing towards this amazing subreddit, I feel drained.

Maybe this one was the only one I needed to write, I feel like I was just in a weird big loop.

I feel extremely weird, and somethings telling me I’m going to have a bad night tonight. 

Why am I so anxious to post this? Why do I still alienate myself and feel like I’ll be judged in a subreddit where we support and understand everyone struggling? 

Obviously I am in a weird state right now, posting this can expose vulnerability and that will be good for me. ",6.1246044226044205,6.3407520648648665,6.4047665847665884,79.09859950859953,66.18918918918922,9.538083538083539,34.11547911547912,9.339509955726095,2.977216216216216,752,32,145,13,11,242,102,185,0.177,0.687,0.136,-0.6629,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,15,13,1,1,6,0,16,0,0,1,3,28,31,11,0,1,3,0,7,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,11,10,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,6,0,4,7,9,19,7,21,20,2,23,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,11,102,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560087806484909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530410208688308,0.0,0.15251579923464875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392664082350182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428056533760528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824217529349832,0.0,0.0,0.1319563145050254,0.12411146855541708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189518691326744,0.2959666865220475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848294207752289,0.11582808192409767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370658043523032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239968188481836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387356448655205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239617697679156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959341558687146,0.0,0.13250650361862054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715437698075,0.10502796701798932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26451492502855944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198533119478593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23586586642682425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631278050663444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028336695842006,0.0,0.0,0.14436756041058074,0.0,0.0,0.15670931064077154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207016876297235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348923142242254,0.0,0.1356782780298437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375788362439097,0.0,0.0,0.14376244509144004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492196950524709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_throwthis_shitaway,2018/12/29,"Had a convo with my ex pwBPD - Would LOVE if someone could chat with me privately and give me their take on the conversation I don't want to air out our dirty laundry. The convo isn't long, but if someone could PM me or chat with me, I will lay it all out and hope for some feedback on how to decode what she is saying.",4.247647058823528,3.902930235294118,5.095882352941177,88.80647058823533,70.17647058823529,7.976470588235292,25.823529411764717,7.1686216300943375,0.8918117647058823,248,6,58,2,4,81,50,68,0.044000000000000004,0.857,0.099,0.6961,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,19,13,7,0,7,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,10,2,10,8,2,6,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,5,1,42,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819848309968928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895497123199421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997924102433208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26711639271855503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724198258765448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400330284244733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5114913007260016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22694398394328605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803138021843767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441646184871674,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DistinctParsley,2019/03/01,"Hello Hello.

This week I was diagnosed with BPD + OCD. 

I have been diagnosed Bipolar 2, Depression, Depression + Anxiety, and Depression + Anxiety + OCD.

Those were all from therapists and counselors.

I recently sat with a psychologist who went through the DSM V with me and BPD + OCD was my diagnosis. I don't know what to expect or what happens from here, but here I am.

If anyone is wondering about what meds I'm on, it's:

15 mg Buspar

100 mg Seroquel

60 mg Cymbalta

All of those were pretty much doubled (besides the Buspar) after visiting with my nurse this morning. 

So, here I am. I hope that I can help some of you the best I can. ",1.99448717948718,4.339285738095242,4.204285714285717,82.18302197802201,80.50793650793649,8.32136752136752,27.152625152625152,9.057496981413335,2.6427760683760684,497,22,97,14,13,171,81,126,0.078,0.78,0.142,0.9208,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,12,3,0,0,2,17,19,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,7,0,13,2,13,12,6,6,0,3,0,0,6,1,0,5,3,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27302084205064797,0.0,0.0,0.12477333585088735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726768289748014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494920566391987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610848873727211,0.3622371230384807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779888417600618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960834650920099,0.0,0.0,0.17723677766702625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806905328940033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821287087594672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117807267208206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154336140003055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761935350137496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718913392389585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313832333552048,0.0,0.0,0.16542088981274025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351667730157945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,011899988199911-9,2019/03/01,"Ready to quit my millionth job I am feeling just awful today. I put in a ton of leg work to try and find a job that could accommodate my needs, and I did! But there was one important part that was not accommodated - my need for systems. I literally provided detailed spreadsheets during the interview process so I would not be misunderstood; I need job descriptions, clarity in my role, just a general sense of purpose and order. I’m honestly not in flexible, but I can’t tolerate an environment where everything is done reactively. I could not possibly have been more clear about that.

And after working here for 6 months, thinking the chaos was because I was new, it turns out there isn’t a real system after all - there is a “null system”, where everyone just holds all their information in their brains and you have to figure out the unspoken rules as you go. And I’ve been trying really hard to make it work by writing things down for my colleagues, offering ideas, and just generally trying to spearhead the process, but I get constant pushback.

I have no idea what to do. I’m not a kid, I’m almost 40 and this always happens. It feels like my whole life is my starting something, realizing I can’t fit into what other people need me to be, and growing increasingly bitter until I quietly quit or gave an explosive meltdown, whichever comes first. 

Does anyone else experience a similar thing? I want so badly to be successful, and I try SO HARD but it just feels like other people thwart me at every turn. And not deliberately, which makes it even worse. They mean well, but when I tell them what I need they just can’t do it. I have two counsellors, I’m in a DBT course, I’m medicated - I am SO proactive. But it just feels like the world isn’t made for me and I’m terrified that one day I’ll just wind up killing myself purely because I don’t have anything else to try.",4.404406410763755,6.1078241052631626,5.552895726157498,78.21467797783934,71.10526315789474,8.92445587653344,29.236347447566285,9.424239791934726,2.7047023347843293,1486,59,278,34,28,493,195,361,0.11199999999999999,0.772,0.115,-0.7575,3,0,1,0,0,1,40.0,0,2,5,7,22,9,2,0,15,1,32,4,2,3,4,71,61,26,1,9,21,0,6,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,20,16,0,1,12,0,0,5,13,3,1,4,10,8,38,6,32,45,7,35,0,0,0,0,15,15,0,2,14,194,58,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225907171204772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666301780783147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644223603215137,0.09440235450177883,0.07581857913900658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769281911829789,0.11232828096096614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028522145873112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936543726120053,0.0,0.09956431644607963,0.0,0.147123290126198,0.0,0.0,0.05941892351214916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062724109732639,0.09428525362318788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393256864032015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060853756422049085,0.0,0.07762701968876395,0.08803815654706594,0.08280425941686889,0.0901249064183998,0.0,0.0,0.1863432372991068,0.1974620280846968,0.0,0.0,0.08420897063545514,0.07836928575893437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048136305932872006,0.0,0.052361977271137936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147395038687011,0.0,0.16506825512839318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801654740710124,0.0,0.0,0.27428686895042426,0.0,0.10193281846811647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507709549883671,0.13503631823677048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717958806827335,0.12300056009639893,0.0,0.0,0.10036113120663903,0.0,0.09281549253458776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354062282439129,0.0,0.0,0.34158163223634624,0.0,0.08898376439370521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486500855154127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997723376610654,0.0,0.12774847816151694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386744363078404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262029772490092,0.0,0.19599208119442366,0.0,0.10486886666598597,0.05902351442464195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092939241524887,0.0,0.0,0.06521304624826475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052933359726379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241970944143672,0.05903586181488785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733242891276669,0.0,0.0,0.3127652991449443,0.20043105994340865,0.09000170545646757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054343126005169926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283969196897982,0.0,0.0,0.1028645207731869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122433930646585,0.0,0.09389259984575904,0.06544947744341978,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HaveYouEverApe,2019/03/01,"DAE feel that when someone says “I just need time to calm down” that they’ll never speak to you again? Someone’s told me this, someone I’m dating. I’m convinced they’re never going to talk to me again, and I’m feeling intense anxiety, sadness, panic, all sorts of things. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t do anything because of this one situation. 

Does anyone else feel like this?",3.433464912280701,4.995929802631583,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,73.34210526315789,6.119298245614036,27.14035087719298,6.42735559955562,1.0907614035087718,299,11,59,2,6,96,52,76,0.105,0.754,0.141,0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,10,14,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,5,6,3,7,12,1,9,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,8,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514314104542899,0.0,0.0,0.13841142744319535,0.20282343856045093,0.162896201147729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066864387189775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322761034200795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025525388215448,0.1653620454852324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002688042657247,0.1414157084415512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249969702563144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670850033304003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467776128358359,0.305342894307995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413622215231136,0.0,0.0,0.2322519845093605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741799539479345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225043909794804,0.198093221716182,0.0,0.5031678499663081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910492430406306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150935984343287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542639104701485,0.0,0.0,0.1891499606089033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ArcherBarnson,2019/03/01,"Long text ahead - How can i keep myself from ruining everything ?(any tips, advice, stories, are welcome) First, let me introduce myself, tell my story, and i'll dive in my situation after that.

​

I am a 19 years old young man, from France, and a few years back i was diagnosed with what my psychiatrist called a ""borderline tendancy"", so that's why i'm here, it seemed the most appropriate place to post, and if it's not, i'm sorry i don't use reddit much. I had a rather calm childhood, but with an emotionnally distant and abusive father, and a very kind mom, who has a tendency to drink, go to raging moments of anger (breaking stuff, yelling) or of depression. I was bullied a lot in middleshcool, from my 13 to my 15 years old (ignored by half of the school, like i didn't exist, shamed, laught at because i'm short...). Right before i was 15, i got attacked by 10 angry guys for no reason, and manage to get out of it with ""just"" an open eyebrow (got 4 stiches) and a few scratches. I was truly traumatized and at the time my parents didn't quite give a shit because they were to busy fighting and telling me what a genus i was, and that i had to go to a brillant high school because the teachers said i was full of potential. I didn't want that. But i went anyway to please my parents and also because they told me i was going to have fun. 

It was a total disaster, by the end of my first year there i was stongly addicted to alcohol and meds (mainly codeine and xanax). And i fell in love with a girl, and fell into a very toxic relationship. It went so bad that she ended up kissing two guys in a bar while i was trying to stop drinking and drugs. I managed to do so, but 2 weeks after i stoped (cold turkey) i told my parents, who had no idea, and my dad never trusted me again about anything. A week later, it was the infamous 13 november 2015 that happend. I'm living in Paris, and i was scared shitless. My dad was where those fuckers shot the shit out of those cafés litteraly 15 minutes after it happened. He was shocked and went in a coma the same night because of a massive epileptia crisis he had. Meanwhile, i started having horrible halucinations and panick attacks. In december, after christmas, someone killed himself in my high school, jumping through a window i thouht before of for ending it all. I ended up in a psychatric hospital, oh and, yeah, during the summer, i was jumped again and failed to escape to save my friend's phone because i was drunk, got kicked in the back and lost the phone to those sons of bitches. That's when i was diagnosed. 

I stayed there a month and a half, and came out tired but ok, with medication. They didn't work, i started drinking again and taking drugs, and my girlfriend cheated on me and dumped me. It broke me. Again. I tried to kill myself with xanax and wine. It didn't work, and i never had the balls to do it after that, but i ended up in the hospital again, and came out, started fucking up again, dropped out of shcool, and met my girlfriend. I fell in love, and to this day we're still together and i'm over a year sober from any drug but tobacco, weed, and alcohol, which i don't use very often. I don't talk to my dad anymore and live with my mom. My girlfriends follows a students exchange program in Dublin. And the distance is so difficult to handle for me.

​

What's the problem then ?

I keep fucking up, I can't control my emotions and i hurt her, so much, and i hate it, i hate myself, and lately she's mad at me because i have been a complete asshole this week. Maybe she will forgive me, but i won't forgive myself, and i have a feeling something terrible is going  to happen, that my dark side, my hallucinations will take over and i'm gonna die, killing myself during a dellusion. I'm in a dead end, because i don't want to talk to her about it (that would be so selfish, in my opinion anyway), or to my shrink, because i never want to go back in the hospital, the feeling of failure would end me. I love her so much, and i am happy with her, she truly made me another person, a better one. But i keep fucking it up. I lost lots of friends, and was manipulated by lots of people, i'm twitchy, paranoid sometimes... I don't want to die, but i keep hearing things telling me she'd be happier if i killed myself, and i feel that they are right.

So if you are experiencing the same problem, if you have advice to give, it would be great, because i really need to talk about it, and i really don't know what to do, and maybe here i'll feel less alone, less far away from evertything.

Thanks in advance, anything you'll do will mean the world to me.",5.486399711399713,5.3913065865800895,6.1525974025974035,81.4282611832612,67.54978354978357,8.792496392496393,32.26262626262626,8.344100000000001,2.320674747474747,3602,140,727,45,54,1180,384,924,0.21600000000000005,0.6809999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.9991,3,1,11,0,3,3,157.0,0,3,4,12,34,58,21,2,50,2,68,29,2,7,5,129,136,75,7,15,18,10,5,1,5,9,13,3,1,5,41,64,8,7,11,8,2,17,19,38,0,6,45,10,118,20,111,77,17,125,0,7,0,8,65,48,7,13,57,510,159,10,0.0,0.05642150723763265,0.0,0.05191245553065575,0.0,0.09306675623447937,0.0,0.10178186347296454,0.0,0.049319603766410605,0.0,0.038081422847048164,0.0,0.10319175787321218,0.11572619203193038,0.0647660000082052,0.04993336285604871,0.0,0.0,0.04722590439283567,0.0,0.0,0.07837384122408979,0.0,0.0,0.10834846986077314,0.04474023570437348,0.10984973154671678,0.03976042488462684,0.29028501183295385,0.0,0.08104164224905049,0.0,0.0,0.0421157172317132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862499443902077,0.10892840417055133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049928304819732976,0.0,0.0534094949961156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03071073957024125,0.0,0.041014741171845566,0.09666589982321926,0.09884337248845627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994740588301424,0.16567105315527325,0.0,0.0,0.05356570518481826,0.2952381755758878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279747757022565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096311718440985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101051257706968,0.0,0.0,0.07358165841874739,0.1320708178998908,0.024879305581421856,0.09136222912559523,0.1353167435815302,0.0,0.11425737057015325,0.052500840435331285,0.0,0.09430189522700262,0.08421981160861403,0.05069201082453709,0.0,0.09402910597980917,0.0,0.0,0.05367081482163879,0.0,0.0,0.1006255651634666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050977828178402185,0.05375679696060153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930615808078572,0.21073638205477996,0.0495885453092609,0.02617051836518716,0.0,0.05371704775407138,0.0,0.0,0.04869432605879434,0.0,0.023264559261415223,0.0,0.08409805989708291,0.04214189832761631,0.0,0.0,0.10396496266002894,0.12145358957102673,0.12893580009459474,0.045058871261076064,0.0,0.0,0.09568069282286724,0.051871767128728034,0.052894704328058435,0.04797179502470418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115431345118838,0.038009556247370194,0.0,0.10501778221037336,0.035309372602293804,0.11018164642017708,0.0,0.0,0.04468782265960855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993763998094496,0.0,0.032268312285043885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586279825284369,0.0,0.0,0.033013474592070206,0.04157964809728908,0.04975240669316957,0.05227208394996563,0.0,0.0,0.04560646853455342,0.0,0.0,0.09113116198204893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064936730266434,0.0,0.0,0.061012743849017385,0.04896093888693805,0.0,0.051125690926945286,0.0,0.0813338545218854,0.045297199013448704,0.0,0.04767558440982647,0.1445809068521776,0.0,0.04335114766046478,0.0,0.0,0.09776178809034528,0.0,0.053526490143480265,0.0,0.0,0.04034798121388014,0.036659938780189534,0.04709705883567608,0.05330630782080767,0.10111631589066393,0.05075621882972714,0.038029119941196114,0.03981216588359378,0.0,0.0,0.054513114860978026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160811210474095,0.11482463053943945,0.12486503856124112,0.043841782664305655,0.0,0.0,0.03163638444368532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027767405198063318,0.054731791088066584,0.0,0.09100524675134017,0.0,0.06466124312524803,0.0,0.046517485908104485,0.0,0.0,0.08225618927875718,0.0,0.11787361355597095,0.11234923095409773,0.0,0.11459285046506774,0.0,0.0,0.13243169857227016,0.042969334072072984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933535552155852,0.0,0.0,0.1014829151034148,0.0,0.11572619203193038,0.15332749058488446
bpd,polyloneials,2019/03/01,DAE try to stand up for yourself but immediately crack under the pressure and start crying All my anger gets redirected to self hatred ,12.353749999999998,10.16070354166667,10.978333333333332,59.100000000000016,55.25,12.933333333333335,40.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,4.595716666666666,111,4,17,2,1,35,23,24,0.47100000000000003,0.529,0.0,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5846636137827038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780843558817359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552642082567987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37673700982215297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613702176322819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eveeprofen,2019/03/01,is there a BPD support group on discord that's helpful? hello! in wondering if there's any helpful discord servers with BPD support and stuff. or some online groups that have been helpful o: ,3.669000000000002,6.689136971428574,3.3310714285714305,86.76517857142859,79.28571428571428,4.642857142857143,34.464285714285715,5.985473137389443,2.140285714285714,154,9,25,1,4,46,27,35,0.14800000000000002,0.537,0.315,0.8172,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,0,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581542632628466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5858226875562866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676564266569058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26623479967602315,0.0,0.5278309814413711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522101521246051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justaquickname666,2019/03/01,"Being mindful of SO with BPD Hi All,



Recently began a relationship with someone who has BPD about 6 months ago.  We get along just great, we are really supportive of eachother and usually try to stay in constant contact.  I am absolutely crazy about my SO, totally head over heels in love, I tell my SO how I feel about them every chance I get.  I try to be as warm, supportive, reassuring, respectful, and transparent as I can be.  Here is where my trouble lies today.



We had our normal nightly conversation last night, and I was making some conversation about something that was really important to my SO.  I tend to be pretty dry and sarcastic when making conversation normally, and it's normally well received.  Unfortunately, I made some comments that were taken negatively, even though my intention was to carry the conversation and not be judgemental by any degree.  After I realized what happened, I immediately apologized, but our communication has been a little spotty today, understandably.  I am Trying my best to reassure my SO, while giving them their space.  My apologized to me for letting this effect them, but my SO should not feel guilty for thinking or feeling the way they do, I am so mad at myself for being so insensitive.



So my questions.  Am I handling this situation correctly?  What should I do in the future, besides watching my mouth, to keep this from happening in the future?",7.496008064516129,8.725959649193554,8.297741935483874,63.17911290322584,63.395161290322584,11.845161290322581,36.064516129032256,11.578365685549247,4.833575806451614,1115,51,173,35,16,375,151,248,0.067,0.768,0.165,0.9687,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,5,0,5,2,21,12,1,0,6,0,26,4,3,6,3,43,46,24,0,5,6,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,1,8,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,9,5,38,10,31,28,5,28,0,0,1,1,28,9,0,4,16,145,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058954105669594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123791552084601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253674725356155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009151509422042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909544045372326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890319312162912,0.0,0.10065146485747224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812099692443181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248274047978756,0.11459835485534045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317067238834734,0.0,0.0,0.21127881727373496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226019621517059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618286883228366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973770656290794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215747602778312,0.0,0.0,0.11973180520516395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781866652637044,0.11303735838273865,0.15948295582683636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062205888662048,0.0,0.09535302841050887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421304768377845,0.3511407134929145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153529120559167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382421842020004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306018991055634,0.0,0.11795381787193825,0.12825694222097636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427972960666246,0.0,0.0,0.10121934005109516,0.09196729794173238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733006259224167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711269857351523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441461520818714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654610462459692,0.11737031578261795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264710647110763,0.0,0.0,0.2433195475627469,0.0,0.0,0.12436363302276085,0.0,0.0,0.13156996325539946,0.0,0.0,0.09482297707102592,0.0,0.0,0.10741023394237643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,courageiscowardlydog,2019/03/01,"my favorite person broke up with me Right now, I am a senior in high school with BPD and other issues. I started dating my boyfriend who became my fp at the end of October, and he just ended the relationship last night. 

Things were so perfect in the first two months. We were hanging out almost everyday, buying each other gifts for the holidays, just fully like a romance movie. We fell really deep really fast, as at the end of November we already were saying I love you and I lost my virginity to him. 

I started to notice a change in him in January.. he just didn’t seem the same, he was always exhausted, less affectionate, and not wanting to hang out as much. I asked him for weeks and weeks what was wrong, and he kept telling me nothing was wrong. One day he did tell me he was having personal issues, but that he didn’t want me to think it was because of me or my fault. At this point I really believed everything was okay between us and he just needed to get better. But the way he was acting towards me only got worse, he kept getting more distant and less affectionate. This worsened my symptoms for weeks, I was having complete breakdowns and having to miss work and school because of it. So yesterday I told him he was hurting me, and I felt like he was just stringing me along. He said I was right and that I didn’t deserve that, and that we should just be friends because of it. I felt like I crumbled into a million pieces when he told me this. I just sobbed in his arms. Even though he was breaking up with me all I wanted was his comfort. 

He told me he never wanted me out his life completely, cus he can tell I really care about him which he said was hard to find. He said he does still have feelings for me but because everything is off in his life he can’t be in this relationship because its not fair to me. We’re still texting, and he said we can still hangout in the near future as we did become really close friends as well.

I just didn’t want the break up to happen, I still love him and I really miss him. I realize it may be better for my mental health though, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less right now. I do respect that he was so nice to me and I know he’s having his own issues right now. I used to think I could fix him, that I could make him happy. But this has made me realize that I can’t fix another person. 

Another issue I’m struggling with on this topic is that I feel so abandoned by him. (there may be a suicide trigger coming up, just a warning for those who might need it). I tried to not tell him too much about my mental health because I feel like such a burden on people when I do. But he did know my anxiety was worse and I even told him I had recently been struggling with suicidal thoughts. He offered me no comfort or support, while I always went out of my way for him. I can’t help but feeling like I was wronged in this sense.

I’m not totally sure where to go from here. My only coping mechanism really is smoking weed.. which helps in the moment but I know it isn’t good for me to rely on it. I have been struggling with thoughts of why am I even on this earth, and now this on top of it just feels like too much.
I know this post is long as hell so thank you to anyone who stuck through this TED Talk lmaooo. I appreciate any insight offered.",4.1039441967970935,4.761733860326899,4.988283308568602,85.93653755984812,70.72362555720653,7.94358923559518,27.288393594188534,8.021203637495839,1.5307397655605084,2580,83,544,33,45,841,273,673,0.132,0.713,0.155,0.95,0,0,0,0,0,1,63.0,7,2,0,7,39,46,1,3,17,1,62,10,1,5,5,111,120,43,2,10,24,0,8,6,2,4,6,5,0,3,40,39,0,3,20,2,1,7,15,18,1,4,49,13,97,28,79,61,13,86,1,8,0,3,85,40,2,7,40,384,137,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530093851374917,0.0,0.060943349019868615,0.0,0.0919050399141556,0.0,0.0,0.07511125199854328,0.1158187135268572,0.04224779758303557,0.0,0.0,0.03861535696099353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162892682518482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199182292335,0.0609928629207697,0.0,0.062220876866664984,0.0,0.09768595404038644,0.0,0.0,0.06955531043506337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056306665911288925,0.0,0.05842186652612341,0.047572375102548616,0.1158069815860154,0.0,0.0,0.08818705705822644,0.0,0.0,0.035616250789454136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048328711959869264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674173620061606,0.0,0.0,0.10942890860846204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926727363962476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961981891187286,0.11836056087789636,0.1060513886452477,0.0,0.050475633680251916,0.046975272704324465,0.0,0.0,0.0853350598656869,0.0,0.057706691499805264,0.0,0.03138625212453116,0.04632101302700453,0.044169338606153775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048836237317442986,0.058789185666434735,0.04947171729582387,0.0,0.0,0.1174054742774998,0.0,0.0,0.07403375031163205,0.05834938224941666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824131483066147,0.0,0.0,0.2305667039293526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140323006583968,0.0450166235091768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801562253014943,0.16188402925280124,0.0,0.0,0.04887334009482695,0.0,0.0,0.06028578658854385,0.0,0.09968738094382826,0.052256249168264685,0.07372767018811675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130979218250978,0.058586140168401225,0.0,0.0,0.044080927605338216,0.0,0.1217925625008825,0.08189887234367882,0.04259375499918601,0.0,0.0,0.05182593194927628,0.0,0.05299091013441006,0.06287525446005543,0.0,0.0,0.0374226188942124,0.08400383996047052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038286808033819286,0.1446638402487678,0.0,0.0,0.05220649321098463,0.0,0.05289131566606696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476546725480861,0.0,0.05452908830542312,0.11858427737785013,0.0,0.18865107131001552,0.2101305826820412,0.04391799287489272,0.0,0.11178347617964172,0.0,0.050275746162163897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817860279638242,0.0,0.17641446504796526,0.0,0.0,0.1732028589795057,0.0,0.1208167289040145,0.06266989748134541,0.05204992379969976,0.057401039470729526,0.0,0.044388628596253234,0.19308010120522104,0.050844751649736536,0.0,0.0,0.03668975147409745,0.07077328015007497,0.10851868009383668,0.08768667231538414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108353213301834,0.0,0.0374948810047268,0.0,0.053947852359875065,0.0,0.06643017056947627,0.04769759874450998,0.0,0.0,0.16286885474181426,0.08767177838538104,0.13289708284319926,0.0,0.04965487541835137,0.051195126469632785,0.04983294443516933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020524164166836,0.0,0.11256018068710584,0.0,0.18114313630142986,0.0,0.0
bpd,miasews,2019/03/01,"I need advice on how to kindly and firmly end a relationship with someone with BPD. On Christmas Eve 2018, I (23F) went on a date with a girl (25F) I was at school with years previously. We’d not been in touch in about 2 years and we were not close at school - shared some mutual friends at best. But, it went very well, and we went on a few more over the next 3 weeks. We spoke a lot, and I enjoyed her company a great deal. I made it clear that I’d recently left a serious long-term relationship and was not looking to get serious.

During this period, she told me she had BPD but had it under control for some time now. I didn’t have a strong grasp on what BPD entailed initially. I thought nbd - I take anxiety medication myself. Whatever. 

In the middle of January, she started telling people that I’m her girlfriend. I thought it was a little forward, but not a huge deal. She was just excited.

A week later, she told me she loved me. She then started saying this a lot. I did not respond to this in any way and it made me uncomfortable. I accidentally let it slip out once whilst very tired. It was an entirely automated response. I have not said it since. I don’t respond when she says it.

Throughout she has text me and called me a lot and can be very upset if I don’t reply (I’m a full time student about to graduate, working part time, and also undergoing apprentice training in a separate area than my degree). She was hurt that I wouldn’t post online about her. She had an angry outburst when I stayed at hers and threw something at the floor. When I tried to decline an invitation to stay at hers on another occasion she became very petulant and angry and pressured me to stay. I understand that this is part of the symptoms.

Recently her symptoms seem much worse. She is extremely clingy. If I try to set boundaries or make space it gets worse, even though verbally she tells me to set boundaries because she isn’t good with them. She insists on spending a lot of time together which I resist heavily and see her only once a week. She sent me a text earlier criticising me for not ‘emotionally supporting’ her. I’ve only really gotten to know her over the last 8 weeks! 

She is otherwise nice, and we do have fun when she is not symptomatic. I’d enjoy this as a casual thing but she’s very serious about it which I do not like at all. On top of that, I’m really unwilling to get involved with anybody who has unmanaged or badly managed mental health problems because it’s stressful to my own health.

I would like to know how I can end this in a way that is very firm, leaves no wiggle room, but is minimally harmful to her condition.",3.994031830238725,5.372887103448279,5.2277011494252905,81.42202917771884,71.64367816091955,8.878750368405539,28.90185676392573,9.333382268041843,2.493482404951371,2076,81,413,46,39,690,252,522,0.138,0.773,0.09,-0.9819,1,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,5,0,1,5,16,28,0,3,28,0,36,7,0,6,2,70,69,33,0,6,19,0,1,2,2,2,6,4,1,1,29,26,0,1,7,1,1,6,15,10,1,0,27,7,72,18,57,37,15,79,0,1,2,1,59,37,0,11,32,282,101,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688413529721494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056337553342684886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790732209389362,0.07387128114359154,0.05389282677933152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882146438861625,0.08588937133155786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393124070643986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26618184932542194,0.0,0.07193568446743139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901386157326212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525839680592434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792449585013904,0.1247927296062366,0.0,0.0,0.04653049826401076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442825262673619,0.0,0.1104191309462292,0.0,0.0,0.05908876850683267,0.0,0.07766960048843166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976669199729514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754164602995546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336115900310125,0.07743318732213451,0.0574248418086681,0.0,0.07459467480265408,0.07654238364672379,0.07203825347707728,0.0,0.06883505133977047,0.07060779588042516,0.0,0.0623446097203303,0.0591589060972847,0.0,0.0,0.2395708132580505,0.06358242394448804,0.13331994308236902,0.047024848460826746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096934303120735,0.07099540913517563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178767375167356,0.05223658975317562,0.0,0.0,0.07492266372935598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005047582092151,0.0,0.10715835273756863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257748600224136,0.0,0.048840044483849834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747008545758801,0.0,0.0,0.06740959653694377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902620872382668,0.0,0.1391185755755975,0.15127041609484734,0.0,0.0,0.06701255296956926,0.11204677724800093,0.0,0.14259506680083142,0.05613824715354495,0.06413356989305236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058275637558696275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059690693623408515,0.05423461368194605,0.0,0.0,0.09972746839819692,0.2252658360963309,0.0,0.0,0.08069839460403752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994399998254151,0.0,0.14644570624395256,0.05296842310321543,0.0,0.1231499988648771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680278106530787,0.0,0.06921518710086823,0.11185630760185664,0.16431609478636872,0.08097006281380706,0.0,0.13463291442418476,0.0,0.0956596671401775,0.0,0.0,0.07333926019383594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487638063355233,0.0,0.11183730836318287,0.22603780157044875,0.0,0.06334156459661344,0.1959190945292098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128726815065168,0.0,0.1435858593124936,0.05004451615838162,0.0,0.0,0.09073290895059627
bpd,basiumis,2019/03/01,"I can never get past the first date... I went through a traumatic break up after my ex had a brain aneurysm.


It completely destroyed me, I thought he was going to die, then he didn’t; I had him back (yay!) ...then he dumped me after I cared for him when he was released from hospital. This all happened within a matter of months of meeting but we were ideal for eachother before the aneurysm. I know it wasn’t his fault and it came with complications and possible personality changes in him. But just .... ughhhhhhhh.


This was nearly exactly two years ago.


I can’t get past the first date with anyone when I try.


I’ve tried being honest about my life, I’ve tried hiding my flaws, I’ve tried casual hang out dates and semi fancy dinner dates, I’ve pretended to be someone I’m really not and I’ve tried being myself. I’m trying.


I get ghosted nearly every time. 


I have no idea what I’m doing wrong and I think I’m currently being ghosted by a guy I had a casual day date with yesterday.


I’m 31, the NHS won’t give me secondary care (a therapist) and I’m so god damn lonely and just want to love again.


I’m really really trying. 




Thank you for allowing me to vent. 

",2.124335664335668,4.183062863247866,4.2410878010878035,83.60062937062939,78.48717948717949,7.331468531468532,22.174825174825173,8.296473431620573,1.3450666666666669,906,27,182,18,22,311,134,234,0.121,0.7340000000000001,0.146,0.7968,1,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,0,3,8,15,3,0,10,1,18,4,1,1,3,29,41,14,3,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,13,1,0,4,3,0,4,7,6,0,3,12,0,26,9,24,24,1,36,0,1,0,1,16,6,1,0,25,109,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892625902811963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592098945288694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448761492653182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456236048131108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717541550260892,0.0,0.14054269814193687,0.25056997156742633,0.0,0.12999140685607344,0.0,0.1288379964151792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924783685214262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753068741579662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353222556035366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904439208741699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260016306689345,0.11787829159296873,0.06983589043295764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167113707412815,0.10866293002831127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138717267471981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753197737217705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679421877861249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109045607853966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808214176752464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947731126178809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346069197771531,0.0,0.10729462119422292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138529440463836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361614229147583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411635399524084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131319690931395,0.0,0.1426738755458323,0.0,0.0787369421893899,0.0,0.09755348959714796,0.07165268006361375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.583995143439701,0.0,0.12003651444426446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247817579213776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391156958305006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435067227562386,0.0,0.07913109308896989
bpd,misssalemn,2019/03/01,I'm always struggling with too many emotions or just trying to turn them off I'm so fucking tired and I desperately want to not be the way I am.,1.2092473118279583,3.1482613225806446,3.2851612903225837,89.91440860215056,80.93548387096773,5.423655913978496,23.23655913978495,6.42735559955562,0.5133784946236561,115,4,25,1,3,39,26,31,0.273,0.688,0.039,-0.8332,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792884003103358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775620352092845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103038074204887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402972851198961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508951519143847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857812823066618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278848982692976,0.3650917463516628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797557106206792,0.2664240259346642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dihgridhgkx,2019/03/01,"DAE suffer from chronic stress? Hey everyone! <3 

So I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, but I have no idea how do differentiate between anxiety and stress. I personally feel like my anxiety is causing stress, or my stress is causing anxiety. Anyway, I have nothing VISIBLE to stress about. I'm 21, I live at home, my parents are pretty well-off so I haven't worked for over a year. Like I have literally been at home straight up doing NOTHING for over a year. And yet, I am so constantly stressed that I don't know what to do. I feel like it started after I got severe pure OCD when I was 14, I got severely, severely depressed because of the pure OCD and the whole experience lead to extremely high levels of stress and honestly I don't think I have ever been the same since then. Then I got completely free of the pure OCD, but the damage was done, and high school rolled around, and because the social anxiety I felt was so, so strong, and I couldn't for the life of me cope with classes or going everyday I just got so, so stressed. I remember just crying, having anxiety attacks and really bad fatigue or lethargy all through high school that somedays I wouldn't be able to move. It would feel like I was carrying around bags of sandy around my ankles. I graduated from high school summer of 2016 and that was almost three years ago. I've had some jobs here and there after high school, but then it got so bad with my BPD and a shitty boyfriend that I just stayed at home. And the weeks turned into months, and the months turned into now almost a year and a half. BUT I AM STILL SO STRESSED. I rip my nails to the point where they are short, bloody stumps, I have tension headaches 3-4 days out of the week, my neck is so tense it hurts like hell, I can't get to sleep, I have to wait for sleep to come to me, lying down and closing my eyes has NEVER worked, I wake up several times a night, sometimes covered in sweat, or I have difficulty waking up in the morning, I can sleep until 4 pm but then I'll feel sick. I have difficulties remembering stuff and almost constant brain fog. I go from having days where I can do stuff to days where I am unable to get out of bed, I'm dizzy and I feel sick and my blood pressure is so low that whenever I move fast or stand up I get stars in my eyes and almost black out. I have tried everything. I have been to the emergency room twice because I have heart palpatations and dizziness but they say there is NOTHING wrong with me. Right now is one of those days where I can't move out of bed, I feel so weak and lethargic that it physically HURTS. You know when being tired and weak HURTS in your limbs? I've taken lexapro, prozac, Zoloft and I've tried acupuncture, herbal supplements, eating healthy, meditating, working out, everything. Sometimes I feel as if my stress levels or my anxiety levels are an autoimmune disease because of the pain and tiredness that accompanies it. Does anyone else have this problem with chronic stress even though you have no visible stress in your life? I HAD stress, from school, but that was almost three years ago!! You'd think I would be recovered by now?!?! 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bpd,kuromi_,2019/03/01,"I Hate Being Bored ALL the Time! I absolutely HATE this feeling of chronic boredom! I feel like I'm wasting my entire life away and I can't even do anything about it! I don't have money and every time I spend something I just feel bad. Nothing keeps my interest so I don't have a hobby.

I am sooo exhausted.",0.9511160714285722,3.196273843750003,3.2788392857142874,87.83937500000002,84.0,5.5321428571428575,24.767857142857146,6.868970318607317,1.0836857142857146,242,10,49,3,7,83,45,64,0.359,0.5770000000000001,0.064,-0.9658,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,2,0,8,3,0,0,1,8,15,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,3,11,2,3,14,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159996360655332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466096972840591,0.0,0.21916081107558624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336633566139706,0.0,0.2211517043979874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981550950007133,0.18751659855850766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182916226635952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333053220177168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539821114530655,0.1282350400390007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518577594400311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020708264652913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061097592558647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BesottedMarrow,2019/03/01,"Something to help put a smile on your face (i hope) Hi/good afternoon to any and all that are choosing to read this.  


Firstly of all i just want to say sorry if i have used the wrong tag for this if i have let me know and ill change it, secondly im not someone who suffers or knows anyone who suffers from BPD i am only just learning/finding about this disorder today.

​

So with that said and out the way i have been looking at posts/messages and replys here on this subreddit and i can see that there is alot of you out there sadly going through alot of trouble with your boyfriends/girlfriends/FP with them or what seems like quite a few of you going through a very lonely patch in your life with no one by your side.

​

I wanted to make this post to try and help give some hope, to reach out and give a helping hand how i can. You all sound/seem like such lovely and wonderful people, even though you all may have your bad times or swings with your emotions, pushing people away or feeling they dont understand you or think you are just weird.

​

Not everyone things or will see you like this there are people out that do care, who will listen, who are gonna be there always sticking to you like chewing gum in your hair, that will want to be there ready for when your mood takes a swing for the worse and comfort you, those will want to fill that void feeling in your heart.

​

I may of only just found out about BPD less then 3 hours ago from the time of this post and may only barely be seeing the top of the ice burg but i can see that i will be counting myself among the kind of people that want to help and be there.

​

I hope that after reading my words that i manage to help some people even if its only one person, that atlest i will feel i done something right.",5.410996503496508,5.59113562912088,4.899540459540461,89.40455044955047,67.70879120879121,7.387412587412587,26.98501498501498,6.351523495107088,0.904504395604396,1435,38,302,7,22,433,185,364,0.055,0.802,0.14400000000000002,0.9711,0,2,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,18,2,3,21,20,0,0,14,0,32,8,4,3,4,71,67,26,0,11,16,0,5,4,0,10,2,3,0,1,27,21,1,0,11,2,0,5,4,8,0,4,4,13,39,11,49,47,10,34,0,4,5,1,36,16,0,21,14,216,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570448430449519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535466553872625,0.3486309680987419,0.39097826409783704,0.043762086717208964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044996949324603235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060461540758889265,0.0,0.05373187047196591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210010862077848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561193245492775,0.0,0.06807669213520776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375384355918957,0.0,0.0,0.06585522104695625,0.07542096090382712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238819859399953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500878826137218,0.0,0.0,0.061491824407074624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761607418469163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881726104802775,0.05473842874276827,0.0,0.07055948485977398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234660714932304,0.07314631832943247,0.05397604579819952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625833596523406,0.2156715082582216,0.0,0.0,0.19175044689043072,0.06337451031002796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951202881960795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701350152021714,0.07073319297078931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580506189516208,0.04545426081471328,0.12575804091118375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404011465409343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808088260278053,0.0,0.04295597011607159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721419758868336,0.1957727094736725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307052122278928,0.05619035189679989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326431958879265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469230283332633,0.0,0.06844708655128165,0.12874035885844914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054956909399695435,0.0612142158237988,0.051175901386228934,0.0,0.0,0.20512328660496626,0.11716868004616257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452588866141008,0.09908380444943184,0.0,0.07203765139526534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838527022181828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427531173538004,0.041234653141568885,0.06322626453884223,0.0,0.07504922916564724,0.0,0.060998896323734425,0.0,0.0,0.04369130297580736,0.0,0.0,0.06699349753025931,0.0,0.05558012672989037,0.0,0.05309777040889418,0.18978463958720904,0.051080229210230456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978782816555465,0.0,0.0,0.06558096499615489,0.0,0.07035964588638123,0.39097826409783704,0.0
bpd,leaker929,2019/03/01,"Anyone else start having bad dreams when they get attached? I've noticed a pattern.  When I start really getting into a new partner or someone I'm getting close to things will seem great and then I start having awful dreams.  It's always the same.  They are hurting me somehow.  Giving attention to someone else.  Cheating.  Telling me I'm not good enough.  And of course because we feel everything so deeply, it affects me for days after even though it's not real.  Why can't my brain let me enjoy a good thing?!",2.988350515463914,5.577620257731957,3.5208350515463955,87.09671649484541,78.38144329896906,5.1171134020618565,26.194845360824733,6.2581,1.0911698969072163,403,16,71,3,10,126,71,97,0.16899999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.139,-0.4878,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,2,0,6,7,1,0,4,1,6,1,1,1,0,15,17,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,10,4,6,15,2,11,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,3,9,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796916887752542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159398594634992,0.16989436058126875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844639702773012,0.10107767740420524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851014344281997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693525675075907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277029905237021,0.0,0.0,0.1713284953058621,0.0,0.10951750187647592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902146012438022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383971278221357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598903478743909,0.15906232747214916,0.0,0.2781510861589428,0.0,0.18280871545740773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750556388866204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955437518828356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014261332325086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877847414939505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873076991701826,0.106223645536774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094934769997964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28098455399374045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520885316593522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492731364327374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031673222414908,0.0,0.16290980466596394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961986704673064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SavageOTY,2019/03/01,"How I lost my FP Well... Me and my fp had few arguments lately and she didn't my answer my mesaages from tuesday. It's not about answering, I was upset and sad that she hadn't at least a little time for me.

Y'all can call me overreacting, but I was just sad because she was ""busy"" for many months. She kept telling me that she have a time everytime and it kept counting my hopes up, but nothing changed and I sent her normal message about how I felt and that we can cut it off. She didn't even read it, but no response is also a response. 

Yes, I'm standing behind what I said but it just shows how some people are and I ain't gonna lie, I really valued my FP like none of my friends. She wasn't honest with me then. We're going to the same school and she haven't a time even on the breaks when I called her alone or with my group.

I felt so bad and I'm glad that my second week without breakdowns wasn't damaged by this thing. That I realized the truth without being so hard on myself. That I can't keep pushing anything. It was better to let go, because it takes two to keep a friendship. ",1.7060434782608702,3.33070860434783,2.952391304347828,94.37815217391308,78.17391304347827,5.643478260869566,22.369565217391305,6.2581,0.21840869565217425,849,25,193,6,20,274,129,230,0.152,0.728,0.12,-0.6113,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,2,15,15,1,1,8,1,20,0,0,3,1,39,36,22,0,2,10,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,16,12,0,4,5,2,0,4,13,7,1,2,17,4,39,8,20,16,5,21,0,4,0,0,20,6,0,3,10,139,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272436924788274,0.0,0.11792392558389395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134723874885207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312316701271005,0.1797808252648441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041662662375644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30114684783574536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599341437051145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947922367622369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831699703758851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392743971992192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761014066574068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209543882507535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646132168163906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26213892882367906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663416088043729,0.0,0.0,0.1507881180169778,0.0,0.07204163999081972,0.1477939309220492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609703052495567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950157016818813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770138160000895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447975697285767,0.14149210721932873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223038505408233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750017602006918,0.0,0.09446682565168928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026848595114433,0.0,0.0,0.1492376669587393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087177226752652,0.0,0.1288867765827821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796605184277636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579558099012625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404725812397934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828373487132285,0.0,0.1325844930542822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842928785641365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grapesOmath,2019/03/01,"Moving has got to be one of the most high stress experiences I've had since I've been on meds. Pray for me y'all Last move, I completely checked out through dissociation and alcohol. So I'd say this is my first real big girl move and I'm already a day late. We were supposed to be out the end of February and of course its the short month... I've already cried once this morning, I've gotten wasted twice this week (which isn't like me) and I over slept yesterday and was late to work. My body is telling me this is too much but I have to calm down and make it happen. I'm really being tested. So any advice on anxiety or moving and words of encouragement are welcome right now!

Xxoo",2.4164893617021264,4.116305773049652,3.80526595744681,88.70875000000002,76.3758865248227,7.253191489361702,23.09751773049645,8.07648339933343,1.059883687943263,538,16,118,9,12,177,97,141,0.068,0.843,0.08900000000000001,0.7225,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,0,14,3,2,1,0,16,21,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,10,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,3,7,1,10,4,16,11,2,24,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,11,69,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348737155367103,0.0,0.14750377746337598,0.0,0.0,0.3046219028302593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385984227868703,0.0,0.1055866201735665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331157103975454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471367121726347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161092715332833,0.08901291331746569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222467193575528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501221510897018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740162944193012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038897754514644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205259292412345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582805290198822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250653051482393,0.3113901509579152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674306847013235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213090331081024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331157103975454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016801883732433,0.5867831053863777,0.10146221241056902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698915926453732,0.09352742801130012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570995027591109,0.08842056810569117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787022135649397,0.0,0.10976080879370448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417340629536768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810398616798604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063750346370505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071309915237204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048181967028533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Guasss,2019/03/01,"Waging a war with myself in order to keep a friend Hey everyone, 9 ish days ago one of my best friends (and possibly my fp too) said she wanted to take a break from our friendship because she felt it becoming too toxic. Part of it is because i have such a hard time understanding the fact that she DOES care for me and that her affection (platonic) for me is genuine. She did promise me that she will come back one day, problem being that i dont know how long that break will be.

Ever since that day i have been fighting myself trying to maintain the belief that she WILL come back and that she still cares for me. The fight is getting harder every passing day (im starting to cry at random intervals and/or hyperventilate) and the voice in my head insisting i should just leave her is getting louder and louder.

I feel completely lost right now and i hope that anyone who has dealt with this before or is dealing with this right now could chime in and share their story.
",8.283809523809524,6.776336746031749,7.771428571428577,76.74857142857144,62.492063492063494,10.516402116402118,33.698412698412696,9.150863307647796,2.7463587301587298,771,24,148,10,9,243,119,189,0.096,0.758,0.146,0.9083,0,0,0,0,3,0,15.0,1,0,1,2,11,13,3,0,8,0,18,1,1,2,2,30,35,9,1,5,2,0,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,14,12,0,1,5,0,1,3,1,5,0,2,5,5,26,8,17,23,2,26,1,1,0,0,20,6,0,3,14,106,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737887106826525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092588406441505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363959377593496,0.0,0.16143923446121156,0.1462431640304052,0.1126763366247699,0.0,0.13896251325837627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700140503181986,0.0,0.0,0.22812946703208095,0.1388357472738225,0.0,0.0,0.10572347019911096,0.0,0.14545285313512507,0.3415896848860007,0.1365151707123689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587820954898333,0.0,0.15519066708271742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977793111703675,0.11156626385490856,0.12652924512637695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695355194442418,0.0,0.1271402085637948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460867976788208,0.0,0.13836387974803907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186188042485759,0.0,0.13589710669304064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151905168768144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303209603155076,0.0,0.0,0.11769750174812525,0.0,0.0,0.07277241810817578,0.0,0.0,0.1402095161290206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117184069576896,0.0,0.0,0.14454780042417398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945713420610754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339371772283346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492792415386804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670431150617614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261652285607625,0.12595802114951196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953595502402093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372478749907948,0.0,0.10574765765159867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956041759102664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721288484452019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990183064857497,0.0,0.0,0.13784981585136175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810243854397123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdsonthrowaway,2019/03/01,"Is this my new mother? Hi all, sorry if this is not the right place to post this. I see you have a flair for family members but I've never really seen a post... I also can't multi-flair this, **but there are substance abuse and suicide trigger warnings within as well.**

​

My (24m) mother (48) was diagnosed with BPD along with a handful of other disorders (PTSD, Bipolar and more) two and a half years ago.

​

Prior to this, my mother has gone through a number of challenges in her life, where we were all by her side.

She has always been varying suicidal, and has made a number of attempts on her life.

She had a serious alcohol addiction running many years. She drove drunk regularly, got into at least one car accident, and was neglectful in her care of my siblings and I (8-14 years old at the time).

She was never particularly a caring or loving person. Not towards us or our father.

But she was our mother. She would occasionally throw a fit, disappear for a day or two to another property we owned closeby and tell us to stay away, but this was all stuff that we were used to.

​

The turning point with my mother was when she started at Alcoholics Anonymous. Eventually she stopped drinking, and started seeing psychiatrists. She was diagnosed with the above disorders after a stay in the psych ward, she had driven herself in because she felt strongly suicidal.

​

Then she started more regular fits, saying she was going to divorce my father. She never did end up divorcing him, but would regularly swing between being happy and wanting a divorce. Eventually, she cheated on my father. He told her to leave the house, and that he would help her find an apartment to stay in while he figured out what he wanted to do.

She left and moved in with one of the 2-3 guys she had cheated on my father with. The moment my father found out, he started the divorce process.

The divorce was needlessly drawn out, my father says it was my mother. And after the divorce, my mother is a very different person.

​

She has systematically tried to break communications with each of her children, but won't commit to it. One day she will send us something incredibly rude, the next day ask us how school or work was. All three of us have since gone no contact until things start improving.

Every day she posts 10-20 posts on Facebook. Varying from disparaging my father, to how she's very happy with her life, to how she's thrown out the trash, to how her kids are angels, to how her kids are ""assholes"", ""disrespectful"", ""mistakes"".

She was engaged to her boyfriend within 8 months of moving in with him.

She is disputing my father's annulment with claims of 'sexual harassment' by encouraging threesomes.

She's regularly calling my father's parents with these same claims.

​

When we have confronted her about what she's doing to our father being hard for us as well, she has told us to keep our noses out of her and dads business.

As a final note, the breaking point for myself was when she had asked my sister to be her maid of honour, for her boyfriend who my sister has still refused to meet after 10 months at the time, on Christmas Eve.

​

So, for those of you who have a better understanding of whats going on, is this my new mother, or has this been a two year long episode? Is there any additional perspective you can offer?

​

​

Thanks.",5.533041417679783,7.119737815165878,5.8642588776701725,77.52838089841337,68.16271721958925,8.284758568583008,30.50652517343224,8.716276077567194,2.5302881653959752,2699,106,467,44,46,863,292,633,0.126,0.7879999999999999,0.086,-0.9818,2,0,4,0,6,1,131.0,15,3,0,7,17,22,5,0,32,0,54,14,2,8,8,83,86,41,3,7,14,22,3,0,0,5,9,2,1,6,22,37,4,4,5,2,0,13,8,8,2,8,33,9,86,14,92,45,10,102,1,1,3,1,122,38,0,6,42,353,108,4,0.0,0.04814205433844344,0.0,0.044294673739802747,0.0,0.0,0.036017650713516494,0.08684610252161504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03249324624147982,0.0338089234305664,0.3962209724830199,0.4443489024093009,0.02763102621972305,0.04260599876909586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759705206794056,0.0,0.03817492590765267,0.0,0.0,0.024768776123684645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03593553676140196,0.0,0.0,0.05117434619221859,0.0,0.0414896240653508,0.0,0.08285368281014321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481663220639433,0.0,0.0,0.08248086996974051,0.0,0.04245159662968628,0.0931351559334093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980370812716439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03598772622922542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03423405495697024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830405723456603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039012912477503485,0.044510165163551635,0.03713674104921658,0.0,0.0,0.04455068582101903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618399146953791,0.0,0.032496972708113823,0.0,0.0,0.04023188307532925,0.0,0.08650664114169891,0.03639812361967144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027234647826730515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688365696450746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03611542238595943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043023223282742516,0.04414658380023085,0.0,0.08609835361499693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03595787596861773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036671797678034426,0.038446803973942685,0.0,0.04119428104949626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648638511032374,0.08637037404175958,0.0,0.0,0.0940132773610372,0.07848491653411052,0.04321239417014293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042636252822482366,0.0,0.0825995043110244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511681997621922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095626388151187,0.04245159662968628,0.0,0.07682039344946537,0.0,0.15565618104654552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047496415139309134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02602977989710444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03469934636322515,0.0,0.06462409720808839,0.0,0.04112156406754303,0.06475658881491135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033611055658664235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03128035480099213,0.0,0.04548398816930988,0.14379703214972708,0.12992431953066566,0.03244861841321245,0.033970015108364816,0.0,0.0,0.046513704902313886,0.13333382610342082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03551399555296796,0.037408314429279485,0.0,0.0,0.02699397115616101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738547392052372,0.0,0.0,0.07765087727511583,0.0,0.02758633394014241,0.044195744913929885,0.1190741320420833,0.04229915037578914,0.3421254779177508,0.03509284072519374,0.0,0.06705100220004137,0.0479313921789999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306575928986818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029580443845957587,0.0,0.0,0.08659102268848265,0.0,0.4443489024093009,0.10466222183290114
bpd,TheDarkFangirl,2019/03/01,"Stupid but allowed alternative to SH Hey there,

I'm coming to share the stupidest accidental thing that happens to work for me.

I used to self-harm myself out of numbness, mostly during exam periods when I really, really needed to snap out of that shit asap. I have managed to stop since and have been 'clean' for over two years now, but those states where I just can't get my brain to start working still get unbearable and I obviously get the urge to do it again.

Cue to Christmas when I got an epilator, because I am a meticulous bitch that needs to be smooth as fuck all the time but often has no energy to shave every part of her body every other day. Well, guess what - that thing *hurts*. It's obviously not the same and yeah, I might get slightly used to it, but there are some parts of the body that will be a pain forever and sometimes, that is very much welcome. So cheers to being beautiful and aware of my surroundings, or something.

Downside: If I get my whole body done at once, this method becomes unavailable for like 3 weeks, lol.

​

PS:  I shared this for fun more than anything else, the goal of stopping self-harming is still to get rid of the urges altogether so to anyone struggling, good luck :)",5.2659615384615375,6.3739824658119675,5.443664529914532,82.08293269230772,68.35897435897436,8.755982905982906,28.30021367521368,9.017664075816787,2.150513675213676,963,32,186,17,16,304,156,234,0.155,0.665,0.18100000000000002,0.8523,1,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,14,17,4,1,10,2,16,8,5,3,3,33,33,16,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,16,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,1,3,1,16,9,32,25,9,22,0,1,0,1,5,6,3,8,15,127,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159107534788832,0.13636042669577814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846731868930445,0.0,0.09234806955503508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684086936274703,0.1239389400805363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739556789424635,0.0,0.12527540840859472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666819140761797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237306401277882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484073242317905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374599021117816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910154990968303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374622354531772,0.3517840860822196,0.0,0.0,0.09412539407243826,0.08975314075707808,0.0,0.12362374660286132,0.0,0.09923638932161533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120134574211394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054825362730340256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904842252303555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249512256136256,0.16642044570447925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951137690209215,0.0,0.0,0.119410730842325,0.0,0.0,0.24304815211848985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378290063906546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234141317079168,0.0,0.11519293000553905,0.09283011795042898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639297305018853,0.11098913610113426,0.0,0.07943038499559757,0.0,0.17923918279850198,0.18764305062667486,0.0,0.1173174353679371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491088855896108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543678927926312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096233119896284,0.0,0.0,0.1938452976198378,0.0,0.09259382546825487,0.0,0.0,0.09001667188928582,0.0,0.10089988130538934,0.0,0.0,0.1252903975118213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339600392994094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636042669577814,0.07226644780493258
bpd,AgreeableBottle,2019/03/01,"DAE suffer from violent night terrors? Every single night for month now I've been waking up with my body and sheets completely soaked in sweat, my hands shaking and me being on the verge of tears. I can also recall pretty much everything that happens in these dreams. They are gory, bloody, violent and traumatizing. Happens regardless of the medication I 'm taking. If anyone knows how to help this or also has this problem, PLEASE comment. I don't know how much longer I can stand this",5.566468699839491,7.637745775280905,5.5438523274478335,77.96146067415731,68.7752808988764,8.231781701444623,27.32102728731942,8.841846274778883,2.2790308186195825,390,13,65,7,7,122,70,89,0.254,0.64,0.106,-0.945,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,2,2,0,7,5,4,2,0,12,12,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,1,8,0,10,10,3,11,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,4,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33539839382132297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662902420418295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329324582295609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986932197910114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668359389560026,0.0,0.1884672914443168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370878862049309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055931915036007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304942717190409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112534379904176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738271789938347,0.0,0.30831126957893235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935836117154595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301906242963661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213343065257516,0.0,0.2006571910312646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576703546567262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderlinecrazy-,2019/03/01,"Bad doctors? Has anyone ever had a bad experience with a GP doctor? I had an appointment today as I’ve been depressed and dissociating a lot over the last two week. 
I went in only to be told that medication was a waste on me and that I am faking my symptoms for attention. 
I wanted to know if this is common. I know bpd has a stigma even in the medical community but I’ve never seen it this bad from a doctor before. 
",2.6218106312292377,4.148036895348838,5.66654485049834,76.31848837209303,75.3953488372093,8.170099667774089,23.913621262458467,8.841846274778883,1.8288225913621257,327,10,64,7,7,120,62,86,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.9268,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,9,0,9,6,0,0,2,12,15,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,7,1,7,0,10,7,1,11,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,6,49,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822352727204725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235201285510651,0.0,0.0,0.1438732392946921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294828760593326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562695195866254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51917662716008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167466848565784,0.1529410651964366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653910890360256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858421002698682,0.13782143778985587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374438350967134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406573387925662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304036619641184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285917190219839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175737164935871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026652453860302,0.16156162781957287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651649990230201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997268030425612,0.0,0.13562446941993558,0.0,0.0,0.15673734251614738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cherry_Vinyl,2019/03/01,"The cranberries - Empty Anyone else think the lyrics to the song are like a boderline anthem?

Dolores o'riordan Was bipolar which can be similar to bpd.",7.35192307692308,9.739469576923078,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,64.76923076923077,9.815384615384616,36.07692307692308,10.125756701596842,4.386292307692308,123,6,17,3,2,38,23,26,0.066,0.8420000000000001,0.092,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33064333273438884,0.484513590540049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5955661545445585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950241597605952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310215380661701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029974996864989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kweechu,2019/03/01,"I’ve been drinking and feeling depressed. Did some reading tonight and I’m almost certain that I have BPD Honestly, it feels good to at least understand what’s going on with me.  ",2.768235294117648,5.621237882352943,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,81.94117647058823,5.752941176470588,32.029411764705884,7.1686216300943375,2.3317882352941184,144,8,25,2,4,45,31,34,0.08800000000000001,0.667,0.245,0.6003,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,8,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,3,4,6,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34501014721802764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339399753049492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967544686417865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375210707503579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484226891763387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581178470261185,0.2889864069804473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446363399698839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586815198487346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mellisonantx,2019/03/01,"How to deal with unreasonable jealousy & paranoia? I keep getting unreasonably paranoid and suspicious, questioning every single thing my FP/fwb (complicated?) does... 
example: She sent me a picture showing me how her hair is almost reaching her butt and I noticed it was taken 3 days ago. I instantly got paranoid and asked her who else she’s been sending pictures to. She said she took a picture of her hair to show her mom bc she had dyed it a few days ago and her mom asked if she needed any help with it since she’s colorblind. I still didn’t believe her but knew i was being illogical and just went and took a shower and didn’t respond until after my mind calmed down.. 
idk what to do, i don’t want to be controlling but i get so stupidly jealous over nothing. I shouldn’t even care who she sent the picture to in the first place.

tldr; got insanely jealous and paranoid over something that shouldn’t even matter and don’t know how i should handle stuff like this.",4.227836879432623,6.045980436170218,4.801191489361706,82.9636666666667,71.76595744680851,7.353758865248227,29.554609929078012,8.021203637495839,2.0557329078014184,774,32,144,11,15,247,114,188,0.163,0.772,0.065,-0.9570000000000001,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,3,0,6,0,15,3,3,4,0,31,34,17,0,6,4,2,2,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,10,11,0,2,3,2,0,6,6,3,0,1,16,3,28,3,15,13,2,19,0,0,0,1,29,5,1,3,9,97,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25594703594231555,0.0,0.1445636942875733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642266357409032,0.0,0.09817518801036834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699291764133753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265329420080188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471927937557211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619209836061569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621082857449395,0.1488370649120881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633740635959895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206009359343803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907073998555908,0.0,0.12163626334510867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227993438233414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085263889782002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092854966853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967668247108716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832090833761914,0.0,0.0,0.07934087516615332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053091063763195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577052147962802,0.3381641046407882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704703990733322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852498598710986,0.16436392054642918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083382887476204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172519592003085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732702433143934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942269832022878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114153666237632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529246825874001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165266815916663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591168175689747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207963115471443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515198460875659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383057884505134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SpaceExplorer101,2019/03/01,"Commitment issues- how do you deal with it? My entire life (i am 26 now) i never really commited to anything. I cant study, i always procrastinate before important exams, i get really easily bored and quickly over my significant other and i also cant finish books anymore. I am really frustrated and dont know how to end that vicious cycle. Is there anyone else that feel that way? How do you deal with it?                                               (If there are any misspellings or grammatical errors, i am sorry. English isnt my first language)",3.1515789473684217,5.842012842105262,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,78.47368421052632,8.431578947368422,25.28947368421053,9.120678840339163,2.7988736842105264,400,15,64,11,10,140,63,95,0.132,0.7759999999999999,0.092,-0.6018,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,8,3,2,0,0,0,11,1,0,3,3,15,14,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,13,0,5,14,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,50,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995928579437716,0.17684107143473135,0.0,0.0,0.14452694098858265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077156212985496,0.14860514951509007,0.2177609751536616,0.1748931773493428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808464417358253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438215930794885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490822897977389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754062614186406,0.0,0.1882375248636952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746099840862294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077697509800927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103757925910288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182495648838224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680032618740815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011544839941054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391539087562787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084543693620709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23790870530096184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686955496536498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veggieho,2019/03/01,"Feeling sad as a kid when ...? When I was a kid I CRIED FOR HOURS when I had to end ‘play dates, play time ‘ with my few friends.  I felt like my world was ending because all I had to go back to were my abusive and neglectful parents. Anyone else feel like this as a kid? Idk , even at parties where I barely met the kids for the first time this would happen .",1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,2.774054054054055,97.140990990991,76.83783783783784,5.473873873873874,21.792792792792795,5.46131890053228,-0.15259639639639655,270,7,64,1,6,85,50,74,0.18100000000000002,0.6459999999999999,0.17300000000000001,-0.4005,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,8,12,6,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,3,9,5,9,4,2,15,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,13,41,11,0,0.0,0.26979341171983057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921676101367888,0.2333108728215742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509123324003634,0.0,0.13880696838475676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501234554782397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021846507262294,0.0,0.4033584180336367,0.0,0.0,0.15039712833679608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026916843389275,0.1626726309412502,0.21863268826124485,0.0,0.0,0.1936859155613096,0.0,0.0,0.17592446246770987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941010512150336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135894467149248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224243741272334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249050486580904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528396628395137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26555345114905826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617552315154646,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ArwenArmpit,2019/03/01,"focusing on the positive. (First of, I'm not a native English speaker so if possible ignore any mistakes. Secound I'm not venting, I just didn't know what tag to put on it.)

I just came across u/iamafacsimile's post about how we tend to focus on the negatives of BPD, and maybe, when we are able to, to focus on the positives we should. Because as stated in u/iamafacsimile's post there are positives to this.

Thank you u/iamafacsimile, I really liked your post. Especially today (having a rough one..) 
So I find it necessary to try to focus on some 'light', and there are! 

What I ""love"" about having BPD is that it makes me a better artist. I draw and paint for a living. Since I was a kid it has been my form of escaping the pain and fear. When the pain of the world (the real one) or my own world became to much, I would draw or paint to escape it all. 
Having such raw and big emotions as we do, can really make any art form come to life. 

Those emotions also connect me with other people (and yes they also tear me away from people, that I love.. The most painful part)
but I'm so greatful for those strong connections I make with people and how people come to me for comfort in hard times, because they know I understand and don't judge them or their feelings. 

And the joy. The BPD joy, I love how happy I can feel, almost as the universe is touching my skin. 
I can feel this level of happiness, often for no big reason. 

As I'm writing this I realize how much I love about BPD , but also hate at the same time.. 

I wish you all a great day or night. 

Thank you again u/iamafacsimile. 





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bpd,1800regret,2019/03/01,"Thought I'd share my diagnosis experience So I was a month from 18 years old. I was going completely insane (I don't use this term lightly) over something trivial. I started destroying my room, things, and everything within sight inside the house. I'm harrassing my mom saying the  worst things I could imagine. I start threatening to hurt myself with a knife. By now my mom is calling 911 (honestly the choice that saved my life in the long run) and I cut myself very deeply. Bleeding heavily while throwing things.... Well I mean it wasn't pretty. I still find it hard to think about. I also threw a bag of epsom salts at some point that landing directly on the wound (lucky me). It only made me even more far gone. 

By now the police have arrived. I have a knife in my hand, so they go to the door with a fucking riot shield. Apparently the reason for that is I put my phone in my waistband and they thought it was a cleaver. So I drop the knife, because I'd really rather not get tazed or worse. They cuff me while they let EMT's in to treat my cuts. I haven't been treated with a lot of respect from the police in my town. Actually my favorite memory of them is during a previous psych freakout. He was playing country music while he's taking me in the patrol car to the hospital. I'm like crying hard, a teenage boy crying his eyes out. And he's playing country music. I ask him to change the station because crying in a cop car to country is my own personal hell. And he fucking turns it up. So I'm verbally berating them with all the energy I had. They actually wanted to charge me before the hospital psychiatrist stepped in. The EMT's cart me to their truck, and I get whisked off to the hospital.

I get there and get booked fairly quickly. I get a lot of reassuring looks from nurses, but it's pretty clear they see this often (pretty large hospital outside Portland). I get my wounds checked and cleaned. Honestly that experience of having literally salted wounds to just slightly painful cuts while going from freaking out to calm de-escalating nurses was strangely therapeutic. Short term healing. I watch law and order on TNT (it's like 2 am) while I wait for the on call psychiatrist, who ended up being my very first psychiatrist. 

He was a really calm man, super friendly. Had about an hour talk. Prior to this I was pretty sure I had BPD, my friend just got diagnosed and I saw a lot of the same symptoms I had. But he diagnosed me and it just felt like something clicked. Like I could finally see the problem for as it was. I had a tangible goal instead of just... Endlessness. 

I started partial hospitalization (Group therapy with a lot of topics including DBTish skills 7 hours a day 5 days a week) with mood stabilizers and weekly therapy. It was like I bloomed. I met people like me. I loved CBT and DBT. I loved helping people heal with me. Groupapy is still to this day (3 years later) one of my favorite things. The whole hive minding a problem away is fascinating. 

Once partial hospitalization ended, I found a therapist and a new psychiatrist. Since then I've had 4 therapists and 3 psychiatrists. Also went to multiple DBT groups. I want to press that it took years to find the right people for me, but just recently I've finally found the perfect therapist and psychiatrist for me. I've had my meds tweaked more times than I can count. Thankfully my new psychiatrist treats mainly BPD patients so she fixed me right up.

I still have hooooorrrrriiiibbblllee days. But I haven't self harmed in over a year. My mood swings are still just as strong, but I can manage them. I've even held down a job. 

I don't think my emotional output will change. But I'm learning to live with it, even love it. To feel things so strongly, is as much a blessing and it is a curse. I hope this wasn't too much of a ramble, but I haven't shared this story as a whole before. In such a short time, I went from almost ending my own life to fighting with everything I have to not only survive but to thrive. I know there's no end point, no ""I'm cured forever"", but I'm starting to enjoy this ride on the mood swing.  

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bpd,crysisassasin,2019/03/01,I miss my ex It's been almost 8 months and I still see her in my dreams and can barely walk out of my house without breaking into tears eventually. Why's life so tiring? Why is it that even when it feels like my whole world broke down and never recovered I'm still expected to function? I really don't see the point in living when the road ahead looks so tough. ,2.8435999999999986,4.332443426666668,3.9170000000000016,89.24350000000004,74.73333333333333,7.133333333333333,20.5,7.793537801064563,0.5813999999999999,287,6,62,4,6,93,57,75,0.086,0.818,0.09699999999999999,0.2107,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,10,10,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,4,8,1,9,9,1,17,0,2,3,0,2,8,0,1,8,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313271314229846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717754604915698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266987447056433,0.1591902644422752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571166580319378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573918814986264,0.10886380241269633,0.0,0.19676355079529248,0.0,0.1871216288497224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786130287757973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186073819567765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064699419008528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275102348600932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35513436407580123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559056978202354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561110581873881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021400140586832,0.24878246854510944,0.0,0.21480079967145868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jennaa310,2019/03/01,"identity crisis i don’t even know who i am. throughout my life i’ve spent so much time trying to be like other people who i admired or be like a certain group of people that i don’t even know what i like. i don’t even have my own style because i like most fashion styles and want to do all of it at once. 

i’ve changed my major in college 4 times now and i still don’t know if this semester is the one i want to do but i’m running out of time and can’t waste money. i’m pretty confident in it but i know how easily my mind changes. i think i’ve imagined every career path possible and i’m like “that could be cool”. but do i really LIKE it??? 

on top of that, i don’t even know what hobbies i like. i know i like writing (poetry, mostly) and i used to write all the time but since i’m not as depressed as i used to be, i completely stopped writing because all of my writing was sad. i don’t even know how to write happily. 

i don’t really know where i was going with this, but if you feel like it explain some ways you deal with identity personally. no clue how to act like myself because i feel like “myself” includes bits and pieces of everyone else. 
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bpd,sunstrokeghostdance,2019/03/01,"boyfriend avoids me after i spiral I never attack him, I just tell him I am having a rough time, and I drink sometimes, and cry. I tell him all through text, because he's at work.
he comes home from work and I want to welcome him but he hugs me for 2 seconds and gently pushes me away. I try to kiss him but he won't kiss me back.
I get that he's probably overwhelmed, but how the fuck do I cope with the love of my life not giving me the love that I crave from him, especially when I'm hurting like this? it's hurts so badly.llll",0.3007894736842118,2.2831556578947385,2.1921929824561417,96.26618421052632,84.52631578947368,4.852631578947369,19.149122807017545,5.985473137389443,-0.3082666666666665,411,11,97,3,12,136,74,114,0.14,0.5870000000000001,0.273,0.9582,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,13,2,2,4,0,4,8,0,1,2,16,12,10,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,6,0,1,0,1,23,7,11,11,1,9,0,3,0,6,17,2,1,0,6,62,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21999236312764087,0.18168249523302574,0.1486936982925089,0.0,0.11787981097606068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657573074823012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241372818349008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943421212038603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877238363299572,0.10103063264049393,0.1855032444092262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939712305071532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41402459683989545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658671975830686,0.0944734222018714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490575841819965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491429815939625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849132038546386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912531535135791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380371369084625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127587144570516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128916076224442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405778431815825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815590977719035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,herroyalmadness,2019/03/01,What is your earliest memory of suicidal ideation? I remember being 4 or 5 and trying to smother myself in a pillow and wrapping my jump rope around my throat. ,6.166,7.314074933333334,7.56666666666667,67.53000000000003,66.33333333333334,11.333333333333336,35.0,11.20814326018867,4.627000000000002,128,6,20,4,2,44,28,30,0.233,0.767,0.0,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607393379706807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.586296126019756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5661281220084057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35139018843986103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SparklingWater11,2019/03/01,"DAE feel they can't make close friends? I have/had a few friends, but never a best friend. I think I drive them away somehow, but I can't figure out how.  
It makes for a lonely life.   
",-0.7430769230769272,1.3623469999999998,0.462256410256412,105.64107692307694,91.82051282051279,3.12,15.492307692307696,3.1291,-1.5077630769230768,139,3,35,0,5,43,30,39,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.93,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,3,1,12,6,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,3,6,2,5,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28459652110388445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178882665744069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316179931949805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7020889700291458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395624945786887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043932556872203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336250041824985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409427357820866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Globo_Chem,2019/03/01,"As a kid my favorite Pokemon was Ditto because it could be whoever it wanted to be and had no personality of its own. What were some early indications that you had BPD? It's a silly example but certain things about my childhood make a lot more sense knowing about BPD. Looking back on your life, what were some of the first telltale signs that you were borderline?",5.402173913043477,6.9380379130434795,5.8673623188405815,77.57582608695652,68.42028985507247,8.418550724637681,32.64057971014493,8.841846274778883,2.81380927536232,292,13,52,5,5,94,53,69,0.023,0.888,0.08800000000000001,0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,1,11,13,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,5,2,7,4,5,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,3,4,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141316505572802,0.0,0.16975701580862312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7014641540759408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234125256887427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23687242371514525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304369563508416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669656536832808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338505731706921,0.0,0.0,0.2367512167281917,0.0,0.0,0.18588558327541507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431554056063462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850077680629564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425297033710226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,radleyhouse,2019/03/01,"How were you diagnosed? I think I have BPD, mostly because of my daily mood swings and splitting. I wasn't aware of how irrational my categorization of people as either 1.great in my life or 2. a great source of sadness has been until recently. I was wondering if your diagnosis was told to you by a therapist, or if you brought it up first? I'm seeing a therapist soon and I want to bring it up, but I'm also a little hesitant to jump to conclusions, even though I pretty much fit BPD ",4.095787923416792,5.2803503608247455,5.9936671575846825,76.77206185567013,71.16494845360825,9.666568483063331,29.32106038291605,9.957137785484203,2.94779057437408,383,15,74,10,7,133,66,97,0.061,0.816,0.12300000000000001,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,0,16,16,13,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,7,1,13,1,14,9,3,12,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,6,4,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490597366960043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136244504424304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695150809071562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918664926208625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311191040510296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585471966586769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41100152602181583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131656055789092,0.0,0.1868164099814955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702151683030733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922258314451762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963037223216456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404223306153145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485324058782392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328371170992491,0.0,0.11943416738377545,0.18313180023746486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810807875001924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994039568373487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213705016163705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anonve12345,2019/03/01,"GF has enforced boundaries and I feel unloved and not cared for Every time I feel unwell, I'd just like her attention. She usually did every time....until today. She doesn't have the mental capacity to deal with me being unwell and I feel so lonely and not cared for. She knows I'm upset and crying, but is playing online with a friend. I don't feel like she loves me anymore. She keeps saying she doesn't have the mental capacity for me not being unwell, and yet I'm always there for her when she's not well because I like to listen and try to help her. I don't know if I'm being selfish or not by wanting her support. I don't feel like I'm cared for anymore. I'm in a relationship, but feel lonely. I love her, but I'm struggling so much. I don't know what to do.",2.7353703703703687,3.7484761790123455,4.607098765432099,86.07694444444445,74.24691358024691,6.6345679012345675,23.37654320987655,6.816661863887847,0.6968913580246912,599,16,127,5,12,205,75,162,0.16,0.64,0.2,0.9055,0,4,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,19,0,2,4,0,15,2,0,0,0,32,39,15,0,2,11,0,6,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,0,1,10,1,0,0,11,6,1,0,1,8,24,13,13,35,1,6,0,2,0,2,21,1,0,2,9,82,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099633444457274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26458639513734256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131709263246395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080189852560385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652947496337348,0.0,0.13752563705598508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478412370636636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40469479705160655,0.19059656086356716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306158240665232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941266896191415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856868231819367,0.0,0.0,0.2199332083358982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26068260411634336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079057874257925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688640129330443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806156450786256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432176094368085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608202183099487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945468409568898,0.0,0.0,0.15137644044208914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555688078000689,0.0,0.12644401126703472,0.0,0.0,0.090567271519548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691708132774478,0.0,0.07868054195248775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993921473483884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kendeh,2019/03/01,"...now what? I’ve struggled with my mental health as long as I can remember, and recently stumbled upon an article on BPD and subsequently this subreddit and I’ve never felt like anyone could possibly understand how constantly unstable I felt until now. Years of unstable relationships, fear of abandonment, fits of rage over the dumbest things, non-existent self worth, thoughts of emptiness and suicide for a decade of my life. It all just fits.

I guess my question is, now what do I do with this information? Where do we go from here?",5.6178124999999985,8.009173489583336,6.052500000000002,73.0425,69.3125,10.633333333333336,33.875,10.686352973137794,4.372025000000002,429,21,71,14,8,138,70,96,0.282,0.701,0.017,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,0,7,5,1,2,3,0,6,2,0,1,2,21,12,8,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,7,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,3,2,8,1,15,8,1,16,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,10,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578735786604948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24458486397187806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985843114844055,0.0,0.15505084528954494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852609803643264,0.0,0.0,0.3729199726603599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103668743399884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393036236107116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206422786240922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371673873990711,0.09487505465400113,0.0,0.0,0.17185861387398307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570533298901785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977702935066944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189284228105972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754556496049696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174653325922272,0.2084953626850886,0.21998783084517848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259027162215734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030173178633742,0.0,0.21242046811151388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901614294183922,0.0,0.0,0.15417106678308606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216637261819165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250567774419711
bpd,HorseWithPropane,2019/03/01,"how can I get over the fact that our cats like my boyfriend better? it's fucking devastating. i can't even talk to him about it because i've already gone way too far. i just need to get over it somehow so that we can all coexist and i can stop caring, or it'll destroy the relationship.

alternately, is anyone able to describe how painful this is in a way he might understand? he insists they don't like him better, that what I'm seeing is nothing, but I'm seeing visible signs of affection not performed with me. 

(i'm not like having outbursts around them or anything, so they have no reason to fear me. i'm just only there 3 nights per week so of course they do all the new kitten things with him first and then maybe with me if I'm lucky",3.0616228070175424,4.531731039473687,4.100000000000001,88.22833333333338,74.13157894736842,6.908771929824562,25.824561403508767,7.492282038375204,1.172932456140351,586,20,124,7,12,190,98,152,0.10099999999999999,0.765,0.134,0.6506,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,4,4,13,11,2,1,4,0,13,2,0,4,3,29,27,12,0,2,8,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,2,17,7,14,24,2,14,0,0,2,1,13,5,1,6,9,81,27,0,0.17368404580565538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166466347393668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144392318252548,0.0,0.14292717085826565,0.1546156239230941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587618224609767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072188484616607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708246013372506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471667420138695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954428385703861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773556063575455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056810163990026,0.1814854907776498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545597549818568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448896873422326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842513255376348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287845192223401,0.0,0.1677451337328953,0.0,0.16299071130867426,0.0,0.16665452623514554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209454333805112,0.18481207037295147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857612612519413,0.0,0.18647166575564908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768073951157836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520763935028394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960065698386165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538796246548022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808112169805472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27572462246729085,0.13931886508515448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beingnthyme,2019/03/01,DAE absolutely hate their closest friends? It always seems like I'm running down a ticking time bomb with my friendships. I always eventually end up finding a reason to end my relationship with them or absolutely hating them for ambiguous reasons.,8.447142857142858,10.645095142857144,8.412857142857145,59.682142857142885,61.85714285714286,10.361904761904762,42.57142857142857,10.504223727775694,5.372942857142858,204,12,27,5,3,66,34,42,0.212,0.628,0.161,-0.5553,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,6,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,4,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919502675260691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172093486551912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152649968162997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819655351597178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650630865869811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506530478469895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484316534198365,0.0,0.2528650185346093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441253033281954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733614749772952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,penisspoop,2019/03/01,"I just need to talk about it all. TW [sexual assult] [self harm] [suicide] [abuse] [substance abuse] [eating disorder] i've always had issues, after my best friend and sister ran away when i was in second grade and i never saw her again. i would practically beg people to be my friend. i would get so hurt if someone tried to no longer be my friend. i was fucking lost. i was bullied. and i tried so hard. i wanted everyone to love me. 

when i was in middle school i started picking up my personality from tv shows. i used to act just like sam off of icarly because people liked that show. i wanted them to like me too.  i started getting sexual with men much older than me and woman my age. i wanted to feel love. i wanted attention. and my body got it for me. i was so attached to ever person i was with. i started cutting myself at the age of 13 because my boyfriend broke up with me. i would send him pictures of the cuts just to try to get him to stay. 

my anxiety was so bad i stopped eating at school because i couldn't stand in line to get the food. i stopped going to lunch. instead i did drugs in the bathroom. i ended up weighing 108 pounds by the time i was 17, i'm almost 6 feet tall. you could see all my bones and i felt beautiful for it. 

i kept this behavior up in high school. i got raped twice because of it. the first time i was 15 and got so drunk i pissed myself and a senior who was completely sober decided to have sex with me. the second time i was 17 and i was raped while i was asleep, i had alcohol poisoning that night and did not wake up when he decided to do what he did. 

when i was 17 i was fucking a 30 year old. i thought it was awesome. 

i got addicted to acid, it took away my anxiety.  i had a girlfriend, a boyfriend. and about 2 fuck buddies at any given time. i was drunk or high all the time. but i felt better 

i'm 21 now. i have a child with a man who choked me out, smacked me,  and kicked me in the head 4 months after our child was born. (this was a month ago) 

i stay with him. i tell him i'm gonna kill myself everyday and i mean it. i want to be dead. but god i love my son. i could never leave him. but sometimes i think he'd be better off without me. 

on top of all of this i was raised in a christian cult where women were the equivalent of trash. nothing but a stepping stool for men. 

my cousin sexually groomed me when i was 10 and he was 15 and now he wants to fuck me again, it's so hard to resist the natural urge to do what he wants. 

and yet my therapist thinks i'm getting better. and nobody hears me cry at night. i'm so fucking alone and i'm so fucking done. 

please help reddit because i fear it is time for me to take my leave. ",0.1323280423280444,2.211921421516756,2.217354497354496,95.19523809523814,86.10758377425043,5.152028218694887,19.582010582010586,6.5049722329693305,0.025196825396825332,2054,60,473,22,63,687,253,567,0.135,0.762,0.10300000000000001,-0.9466,0,1,2,0,2,4,70.0,1,1,1,7,27,32,13,1,20,0,46,30,7,2,7,73,100,38,3,15,11,3,5,3,4,4,4,1,0,10,18,25,8,3,10,5,0,6,6,19,0,4,43,9,94,13,68,45,6,79,1,3,2,12,42,28,7,3,45,309,112,5,0.0,0.15492746266708013,0.0,0.07127304294006645,0.0,0.0,0.05795476857972695,0.06987054505199351,0.06546788413955255,0.06771319524568913,0.0,0.0,0.05440078113181535,0.0,0.0,0.04446013825059033,0.0,0.10002990877378247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285193246632098,0.0,0.05458895059286553,0.1992729480982661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861149901895593,0.17346792549246653,0.0,0.07262161834455236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854890944698498,0.0,0.0,0.1044000371288575,0.0,0.07181604632919536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493029531118099,0.0,0.0,0.06690568142216774,0.0,0.0,0.07581918420643732,0.13379860835630994,0.0,0.0,0.057906618116617875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059139283038505124,0.0,0.06247268399439629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356984318925952,0.03305771791137042,0.0,0.12554868346293158,0.0,0.0,0.05561156453187475,0.07905685981904999,0.0,0.1515355605838293,0.3626524300993592,0.17078982268297607,0.0,0.037156539705971166,0.0,0.2091590645731555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713394901254515,0.0,0.06709798192273607,0.0,0.07368717681158582,0.0,0.043822339349751264,0.13815355396796844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998984924928081,0.0,0.0,0.068238960607931,0.0,0.0,0.07233246363367919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845439108384458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582301092893164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136918464158276,0.0,0.17702200219034395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712171799263039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437020198175423,0.0,0.048061278193826565,0.048477892327477484,0.10084903049744452,0.0,0.0,0.12270801181560376,0.0,0.0627331625532263,0.0,0.0686045346235312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065149271592124,0.11417329478937492,0.0,0.07176679364998627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198501902425012,0.05209880495304397,0.0,0.0682048261001152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539563421159455,0.0,0.06466175915650384,0.0,0.13882732863909236,0.1393711827786797,0.0,0.10931997647010884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715142981528354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049157066418139286,0.05254937207495359,0.05714435430518844,0.0,0.0,0.07591035911273612,0.0,0.08378477887656884,0.0,0.051903828922353734,0.2287390310612948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263876265843869,0.1331646763011154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646668849144535,0.0,0.0,0.2699366672292332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302327286723836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393306498779954,0.0,0.0,0.042102099423502515
bpd,ugggghhhhh776,2019/03/01,"Even a tiny inconvenience has ruined my whole night and left me unable to sleep. This is an ongoing issue with my neighbours, won’t go into detail but they always keep me awake with their loud music. I work early shifts, meaning I have to get up at 3:30am. It is now 2:35am. 

Yet again, their music woke me around 11pm and it sent me into a fit of rage, I immediately packed my bag and went to my friends place. I tried to calm myself down, the whole time I was shaking and as soon as I arrived to my friends place I burst into tears. 

But I still haven’t slept because I cannot stop being mad at them and thinking of how I can get revenge. Maybe it’s petty. 

But then I’m paranoid to even do anything, let alone call the police in case they do something worse to me or my housemates... they already slashed someone’s tyres (can’t go to police as we have no evidence but it’s a pretty weird coincidence that after a dispute her tyres were ruined, 2 days in a row.) I can not afford my tyres to be slashed as it is my mode of transport for work. 

I’m just fed up of feeling all of this so strongly, yeah my other housemates are p*ssed too but I am beyond livid. And exhausted. ",2.496908713692946,4.092133410788385,3.651408713692948,90.34615871369296,75.88796680497927,5.815850622406639,23.66825726141079,6.2581,0.4825400829875517,916,28,195,6,20,297,146,241,0.19899999999999998,0.679,0.122,-0.9592,1,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,6,3,13,11,2,1,8,1,21,4,2,1,1,28,36,19,0,0,8,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,9,13,1,2,3,0,0,6,6,7,0,0,7,2,35,4,34,25,3,34,0,2,0,0,13,16,0,1,12,136,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164786634721324,0.1755782825615059,0.0,0.13238958250894034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093131898088092,0.14163876227129435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699001321371226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624658063941392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261070724638884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017704852189711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044916602171971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458509992389141,0.0,0.16625344600834513,0.0,0.1808480936048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660661357754762,0.0,0.14142141206094913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286997648746485,0.16269745716644418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984414080819487,0.17331392163399326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931093007108628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33246543127492617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186879000869214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922167992702374,0.0,0.13481065406617718,0.12248816858483152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270628759753189,0.13302038816038908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194919691682272,0.0,0.0,0.09277643995689516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802305612564377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749357437062938,0.0,0.35527406432866204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316632541842444,0.0,0.16214339651248658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reallymoody,2019/03/01,"how can i explain BPD to my mom and boyfriend? so tonight i had a fight via text message with my roommate while having dinner with my mom
and boyfriend (about how she has to walk on eggshells around me because i’m always mad or easily pissed off) they kept telling me to drop it and to not answer but i literally couldn’t, i felt like i would explode if i didn’t reply. 
they tried to get me to change my frame of mind by asking me to help with the dishes, i asked my boyfriend to give me five minutes to myself to calm down so i wouldn’t take my anger out on him to which he replies “you need to calm down from a fight that doesn’t involve me?” i replied that yes, i do, to which he says “that’s not normal...” after that he tries to hug me which now i realize is him trying to comfort me but at the time was really annoying. 
so fast forward some heated convo he tells me i’m psycho and repeats that i’m not normal and it’s not normal to take five mins to calm down from that. i told him maybe it’s not normal for you or even most people but for me it’s normal and it’s what i need. at this point my mom chimes in and says she doesn’t understand why i’m always so ready to attack everyone and i’m so defensive etc etc. she tries to sympathize with me and tells me she understands how i feel and i tell her no you don’t understand how i feel (i don’t even understand how i feel most times) you don’t understand what it’s like to have BPD, she just made a face and walked away. my boyfriend got so mad that he ended up leaving, so i start sobbing because now i think we’re breaking up and call him until he finally answers and i try to say that i know what i need and he should respect that and that it really hurts me when he says i’m psycho and not normal. he apologized but we’ve been over this before so i know it’ll just happened again. 

does anyone have tips on trying not to explode on everyone when you’re upset? or how to explain BPD to those close to you so they can understand why you are the way you are? 

sorry this text post is so long and poorly worded i literally just word vomited everything. ",3.470463378176383,4.014566300448436,4.521452914798207,89.12515396113605,72.09417040358744,7.830074738415546,25.180568011958147,7.908726449838941,1.1174107025411062,1654,46,374,21,30,541,191,446,0.10800000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.091,-0.8188,0,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,7,3,0,28,20,9,1,6,1,25,6,2,7,0,88,61,45,0,14,18,3,4,2,0,4,1,4,0,0,28,24,2,2,18,0,1,3,16,12,0,2,9,8,67,8,55,47,5,44,0,2,0,1,53,20,2,7,21,247,95,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721917187710768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925149011343154,0.0,0.0,0.06270424796459513,0.13169898088298015,0.08013274742679705,0.06617828589773025,0.0,0.0,0.08587600937931289,0.0,0.05993706655701605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26614043897273193,0.0,0.0719244933134427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451346324536354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164027129648837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062386657696944,0.0,0.1571127116523808,0.0930465188741256,0.0,0.0,0.1346119693579298,0.06330462193043901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684584588028033,0.0,0.06763098065690802,0.07716076365607899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036800650952837625,0.06757000297538159,0.0,0.0,0.05633524884608039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228758837699881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721272582326262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754047276354847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742114091248994,0.0,0.0,0.07458306998511974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882434255643066,0.0,0.0,0.06233491066578024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664960113862392,0.0,0.0,0.07076386774495297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112172673119119,0.24748640667984384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668538966027373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140823676822296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883244635695802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658614050454152,0.0,0.06745958902425904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902480450153408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240586918892886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884893817787778,0.049855976815096285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105920365435201,0.0,0.2462616804297603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04513346220167709,0.0,0.0,0.08214526592920589,0.0,0.0,0.0673059846789649,0.0,0.2869343556203265,0.0,0.0,0.43996710409943257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590995482362439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711765283698562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003673064982958,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Balakaye,2019/03/01,"So there's this girl.. Background: She's 18, Im almost 19.  We met years to go and I was fairly into her, but we drifted apart.

She's recently come back into my life as the person I thought I'd never meet.  We're so extremely similar with things such as our values, sense of humor, and our views on everything it's scary.  The biggest difference between us other than gender is that she is very happy and positive with almost all things in life.  Me, living with bpd, Im sure you can assume the complete opposite.  

What's different about her is that she is the first person to ever to get me to begin truly opening up about my demons, and I think there's a chance she might actually care. My parents have been sending me to psychs for about 10 years, but never once have I been able to talk about what truly haunts me.  She has recently been continuously checking in on me and giving me that reassurance she isn't going anywhere that has haunted me my whole life.  Ive become so much more aware of my problems now that she's come back, which were problems that took me 19 years to understand, and I literally feel motivated in every way to improve myself and adapt to whatever I need to because of her.  I have made a promise to myself that I will do everything I can to not have an episode on her.  I would so much rather myself take the pain alone than her deal with it (first time Ive ever thought that one..).  So im actually trying to take things slow and give her no reason to feel pressured, which is the exact opposite of what Ive always done.

Where Im stuck, is that I obviously want to be with this  girl forever.  Having BPD, there have been a couple of girls Ive completely obsessed over and thought they were the one for me, until they left me there looking and acting like a fool.  She has qualities that NONE of those girls had.  If I were to create my dream girl in build-a-girl workshop, it would contain absolutely every quality about her lol.  Shes hilarious, kind, gorgeous (10/10 WAY out of my league), and has a beautiful heart.  I feel like she is someone Ill never get tired of, and I don't know if I could do it without her.  Ive never once in my life sat down and thought about improvements and changes I need to make.  She came back at a really dark time, and I don't know what I would be right now without her. 

So I guess my question is, is this the BPD talking and she's just gonna end up leaving me like everyone else, or is it real?  I know there are some married people that lurk here, and I would really appreciate your input on what you think and how I should approach this.",4.626298174442191,5.216990955938698,5.543240928555331,82.66555780933065,69.51724137931035,8.593283750281723,27.996619337390126,8.671277953709913,1.905862339418526,2037,66,417,32,34,670,241,522,0.079,0.745,0.17600000000000002,0.9957,2,1,0,0,0,0,58.0,5,3,2,3,30,17,0,2,15,1,54,8,1,5,10,90,92,33,0,14,10,1,3,3,0,8,7,0,0,7,32,32,0,1,17,1,1,10,12,6,0,4,20,5,82,11,63,61,7,60,1,0,2,0,50,23,0,10,28,304,114,2,0.06965263620093798,0.0,0.13594185083710095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949410770557144,0.07213912496817636,0.0,0.0,0.05795657307553038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067573351362216,0.0,0.04245960053569597,0.07692586435423397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631751709668786,0.0,0.0,0.07966406013986634,0.07101550471171619,0.0,0.07368325349062031,0.11999915724241955,0.14605892771964782,0.0,0.0,0.055611962319858,0.07706931714202406,0.0,0.0,0.07180880948617482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455443600441278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071278829712323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818583991481905,0.0,0.061691561676305726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260095942648543,0.11737070018571305,0.0665560787881452,0.12519859637898814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565539707223733,0.04975985721920488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184929935409043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278125521689523,0.1336343109218402,0.0791703965972484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673023148297325,0.0,0.0,0.07414652642140583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253870926247936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30094719819757865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725325021668396,0.11483780184669501,0.0,0.0,0.0737520846900671,0.0756777930331821,0.0,0.19679086728758066,0.10208627927167876,0.0,0.06150455386087921,0.0,0.058490671944097385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590700850361479,0.04649367552571015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389043989436818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240540388545533,0.10329309435529373,0.21488162794792184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483555686757377,0.09439685782829776,0.0,0.07411531579379058,0.0,0.0773410096673845,0.0,0.0,0.0482883678569422,0.12163599060647655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329633210061376,0.0,0.0,0.07802689329969849,0.0,0.0,0.07927994889935559,0.08924252461600676,0.07161451064474199,0.13754715058356828,0.0,0.0,0.0594829707400626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901645262170696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564678531429377,0.0,0.10474022809115206,0.11196830116669512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882234953063055,0.08926119365475693,0.0,0.2211856514743276,0.08123002460085915,0.08005545899626976,0.0,0.0,0.07738664167209587,0.04728956786131722,0.0,0.0,0.07251085071732499,0.08378354524683244,0.0,0.0,0.05747071947994802,0.04108292946888984,0.11057404110590936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776468087930669,0.0,0.13428531147517012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979169373015389,0.0,0.0,0.13456204218606832
bpd,pm-me-puppypics,2019/03/01,"How do I talk to my husband about things without setting him off? Hey guys. I'm having a rough time with my husband. He has BPD and we're continually struggling with an issue that should be minor, but is somehow not. 

**Backstory**

So the back story is that we're polyamorous, which is basically like an open relationship but we form relationships with other people. We live together and have children. He has a girlfriend who does not live with us. I'm pretty easy going about the whole thing and we don't have a ton of rules but because we live together and share child rearing duties, I feel like we should clear plans with each other if it means the other person will need to watch the kids. So like, if I'm out of town with the kids, he can do whatever he wants and doesn't need to tell me about it. But if it's a random Thurs night, I'd like him to clear it with me first to make sure I don't have plans or the kids don't have a game or something. Secondly, I just feel like communication is pretty key. If you say you're going to be home at 10, shoot me a text if that changes. I'm not his mom, but he's been suicidal a lot in the past year and I just like to know if I should start to worry. 

**The situation**

So we're having this issue where he'll make plans with his girlfriend and not follow these things. Like, he'll make plans and then just tell me about them. I'm not going to get upset if it's once in awhile, but a couple weeks ago he did it four days in a row. I was stuck home with the kids and had to cancel my own plans. I'm also having this issue where he'll be out with her, I'll ask when he'll be home, he'll give me a time, then he'll just come home whenever without communicating with me. So like one week he went out with her one night and told me he would be home at 11. He decided to just make it an overnight without telling me. (how hard is it to text me ""I'm staying the night""?) Two days later, he took our daughter with him and they had a family night with her family. He was supposed to be home at 8 (her bed time), but he didn't get back until 11 on a school night. A few days after that, he spent the whole day over there. I asked when he would be home and he said he was planning to leave around 9 unless I wanted him home earlier. I said I wasn't feeling well and I'd really like if he left earlier, so he said he'd leave at 7. He didn't leave until 9. When I asked why he was home late those two days, the reasons were like laundry took longer than they expected or the kids took awhile to pick out their snack. Like, bullshit reasons. He could've left at any time. 

**The problem**

Here's the thing: if it was just once, I'd let it go. But this is an ongoing issue. He just keeps doing it. I know what the issue is. He doesn't want to upset his girlfriend. He doesn't want to rush her and she's chronically late to everything. And if she asks him to spend the night or stay later, he doesn't want to risk talking to me and having me say no. 

Now, this is a problem in and of itself, but when I bring it up and try to talk about it, no matter how calmly I do it, he feels attacked. But instead of just talking about the issue and coming up with a solution, he gets angry and turns it around on me for some supposed time when I broke our rules. Like, I have some nerve getting mad at him for this when I've done something similar. To clarify, I have always discussed plans ahead of time and I keep him posted on what's going on when I'm out. I have my phone with me at all times in case he needs me. But even if I didn't, let's talk about it instead of having a fight over it! 

One time he brings up is when we were all out together and I met some guy and decided to go home with him. When he asked what time I'd be home, I said I didn't know. I don't think this is a big deal. If he told me he was going to be out all night with his girlfriend and may or may not be home, I'd be fine with that. Another time his girlfriend spent the night and the kids weren't home. After he went to bed, I decided to go home coffee with a guy I'd been on and off with. Granted, I could have left a note or sent him a text, but neither of these scenarios would have upset me had he done them. But even if they had, let's talk about this issue instead! We don't need to fight about it!

I know, I know, it's not like he has a choice. His emotions just do this. I just don't know how to handle this. Surely there is some way to work this out. We keep finding ourselves in situations like this where I want to have a calm conversation where we find a solution and instead of listening to me he flies into a rage. One time he screamed at me for ""fucking other guys"" in front of our child. Another time he stormed out and was gone for two days. 

Does anyone have any ideas? I have no idea how to handle this. How can i talk to him about this or any other issue without the anger?

",1.4189367816091971,2.9320520622605355,2.9267203065134098,94.74031034482759,78.66475095785441,6.057624521072798,19.837547892720302,6.79199562140847,-0.00025969348659060637,3779,86,900,37,90,1238,316,1044,0.08800000000000001,0.818,0.095,0.912,0,0,2,1,2,1,121.0,13,1,6,10,61,37,7,5,49,0,97,3,0,13,7,202,184,87,1,33,55,4,6,14,5,15,1,8,16,14,55,74,1,4,21,1,3,22,31,16,1,10,41,15,99,21,128,112,16,133,0,1,1,1,150,49,1,29,71,575,154,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030855554223670523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0278362719790275,0.02896338460421248,0.0,0.0,0.07101273494151399,0.0729993033543484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024338848801651925,0.0,0.0,0.06197372737014385,0.16270581741080892,0.039599590168539735,0.0,0.05353103561700887,0.0,0.021218882953171137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043839972416699714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03682268112983987,0.05996872414909879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558336415667309,0.03851484232270649,0.0,0.13469126447105673,0.035885941089170766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060922146303504274,0.07124217494383958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915477486914813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598125151506422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031283553412539425,0.0,0.06562853998382506,0.0,0.07040070955485818,0.049734268470715326,0.0,0.0,0.06362851015735438,0.02960801478338848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03217981308383932,0.0727438278338886,0.03339139754263973,0.15825936726284992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786318931515845,0.0,0.0,0.03118149725865297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888194104883326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858891338839008,0.0,0.2906474826220213,0.0,0.09281793939901896,0.0,0.0,0.11477874710271528,0.0,0.07853080265401086,0.1105712370945588,0.11345831418094005,0.1067818691637815,0.0,0.2380788245081072,0.0,0.09220938819458542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029592864441253745,0.0,0.0,0.09293953278843207,0.0,0.0,0.037916561669123015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040767187745805615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323997641726346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261322669733142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413963879700503,0.09434831473376012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03322856489803583,0.02413176790711257,0.030393359982296687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03333683374252372,0.07082533129256836,0.0,0.06661389257659417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02229915802764749,0.07157768325408012,0.0,0.07474240883667305,0.0,0.0,0.1324430714357336,0.05536208764475648,0.0,0.035227968085438086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825221991841336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359442743085189,0.0,0.0,0.024637570939815518,0.07420226484950461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0363893066427284,0.0,0.0380747496452681,0.0,0.06561302679543078,0.0,0.0,0.1958437635849749,0.09127225072505099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250064057160208,0.022303822887220947,0.0,0.0,0.2435647574460521,0.0,0.0,0.06652185266982945,0.11602026898948654,0.02363262472315876,0.037861553339333116,0.10200827275173201,0.0,0.041870229996621315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318540835647593,0.02762929474469402,0.0558424119324437,0.0,0.03129693987531696,0.06453548746341986,0.03140917488277705,0.07772469079550029,0.0,0.1342162559502308,0.0,0.02534093620677666,0.03534962882451944,0.0,0.07418068482864426,0.0,0.0,0.022415474058966038
bpd,ipsilateralbrain,2019/03/01,"Moving alone with BPD I've done it a bunch of times, always feeling like I need to start over somewhere. Can anyone relate? Anyway, a company offered me a job in NOLA this week and I just jumped on it, because I've been in a really bad place. I'm getting too old for this. When will I feel settled somewhere? Feels like never. lol

​

Anyone else in the same boat? ",2.37747104247104,4.5225160135135125,3.522046332046333,88.64013513513515,78.05405405405406,5.3096525096525085,22.73359073359073,6.1826913282559595,0.5183536679536678,291,9,56,2,7,94,58,74,0.11800000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.4879,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,1,4,0,0,0,1,9,11,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,4,2,9,8,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,8,34,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022855318913338,0.0,0.0,0.16251619653488278,0.21162172882663088,0.23732686924870436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27313500748160296,0.2001214149438234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307833157187418,0.11906109038674614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459900895808973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987317544133998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315908435132104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962686087941314,0.2790635231260177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204306560249607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381817542074006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084029006810224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758698086599767,0.0,0.14482223440871966,0.15063755078224336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494830772827755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406068342455005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251226125021484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824366094337007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388867510646705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666843700433716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732686924870436,0.0
bpd,jacobgolds97,2019/03/01,"It makes me feel guilty that I don't have any trauma I always feel super guilty whenever I think about my mental health issues/browse this sub, because I don't seem to have any trauma whatsoever. The closest thing I have to that is that I was bullied in 6th grade. I can definitely trace a lot of my issues back to that--my compulsive lying, my trust issues, my social anxiety--but it just feels like a pathetic ""source"" for BPD. People on this subreddit talk about having been abused by their parents as kids, and this fucked-up part of me just thinks *""man, I wish* I *had been abused--then I would deserve to feel this way*.*""* (And of course that thought makes me feel guilty and suicidal as well.)  

  

Reflecting on my mental health and browsing this sub sometimes make me feel really guilty. Like, I've had basically a perfect life, and I *still* want to kill myself. And that guilt just drives my suicidal impulse in even deeper. ",2.9411616161616188,5.494426045454548,3.4426515151515176,87.79578282828285,78.31818181818181,6.638383838383841,21.709595959595962,7.793537801064563,1.0255830808080808,728,21,140,12,18,227,103,176,0.20800000000000002,0.667,0.125,-0.9621,1,0,0,0,2,1,37.0,0,0,1,2,9,10,1,1,4,0,14,3,0,3,1,28,29,8,3,3,3,1,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,13,6,0,0,11,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,6,6,23,6,18,22,2,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,4,87,36,1,0.0,0.15899164186722625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165573052200757,0.0,0.0,0.18250580643136655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318281114403012,0.0,0.08180017319704808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690059436471846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863035688660427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070989679917503,0.0958644190580495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28527258156857416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28011623503270017,0.0,0.0,0.14845989155754408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478143237704356,0.1311156208114439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408241621548465,0.0,0.0,0.268715955585104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704612537462531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900064782069486,0.14531326271761574,0.0,0.09302953405743564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596470383646206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216033354686134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678845941642448,0.0,0.0,0.13271603468272888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716325235252856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935612701470427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785577716769694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914899568810862,0.17196537434674858,0.0,0.10653082206985806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914795955680355,0.10651272738608017,0.0,0.0,0.12065173779357337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431035838570095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532378746877566,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alannaf182,2019/03/01,"They’re not cheating so why do I feel so weird? Tw: relationship, possible cheating, trust issues (this is my first post so if I need more pls let me know!)
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So I’ve been with my boyfriend over a year and for the first 13 months I was just totally trusting and he gave me no reason to think anything was up.

I had a particularly bad month in December, really bad splitting, fights, storming off etc. I’d noticed him pulling back a little from me, but I wasn’t all the way worried...

There had been this woman in his office who he said was the best looking there and it got to a point in our relationship when I had to ask him to stop telling me she was attractive because it made me uncomfortable. Before this he told me a story of how, when there were no seats free at the table his friends were sitting at at lunch and so he joked that she could just sit in his lap. It’s important to note that she’s 10 years older and engaged to someone else.

Anyway, time moved on and he started telling me that this woman was like really really bad at her job, how she had no common sense, wasn’t all that smart and he’d make fun of her intelligence and how she lived her life outside of work. But she left the job 2 months ago and I stopped hearing about her.

Skip forward to 3 weeks ago, we’re on holidays and I see a text from her on his home screen saying “when are you home? x”. Naturally I freak out. BPD goes into overdrive so I shut down and don’t talk to him for 30-45 minutes even though we’re in a hotel room together. I eventually tell him the text and the x freaked me out, especially since they don’t work together anymore- like how did she know he was away. He told me they’d stayed in touch and not to worry because he’d never texted her with X’s or anything. So I moved on.
Next morning, we’re lying in bed and somehow he ends up calling himself a liar. My brain goes off. So when he goes into the shower, I check his messages.
He has been texting her x’s for months. Not flirting, really platonic but still things like “the office is quiet without you”. So now he’s lied to me. But the kicker is, after our chat, where I told him this behaviour got to me, he still sent her X’s.
Like he hasn’t cheated, he hasn’t acted inappropriately, he just lied about platonic X’s and kept going knowing I was uncomfortable. 

It’s been like 3 weeks since and I still feel really funny about all of this 🙃🙃 any advice/support would be really helpful.",3.1599873684210533,4.435112944000004,4.385978947368424,87.05293684210527,73.56,7.4231578947368435,25.55789473684211,7.94452939551167,1.2902399999999998,1912,62,411,27,38,629,237,500,0.114,0.737,0.14800000000000002,0.9655,3,0,0,0,1,0,65.0,2,2,2,5,36,27,5,0,18,0,37,3,1,7,5,60,61,40,0,4,13,0,3,5,1,1,1,4,5,2,16,22,1,3,7,4,2,7,14,11,0,2,30,10,64,17,53,24,7,75,0,0,3,0,73,33,0,3,37,256,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453162345001302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055438888961569184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084957136189994,0.0,0.0,0.13417406295165688,0.0,0.0762136235333133,0.0,0.0765941685148059,0.06268666758180816,0.20420656949304086,0.09939214116157302,0.0,0.06937063590987746,0.0,0.0855540586527125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267620441133743,0.09100737359805944,0.08324477865300534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509001426568417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810256268845973,0.0,0.07220577124194039,0.0,0.09092043824402904,0.05384561302610948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244163085061966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868797859713394,0.0,0.0,0.06298498270957363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046331778532607726,0.0,0.13040384727124513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918830973966839,0.0,0.054643595383215136,0.0,0.16354976958493986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508952758251376,0.1617993198997376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440982566752696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857570246835872,0.0833634726581829,0.05758257677292521,0.1991417282941736,0.08170813112793407,0.07198689133074618,0.0,0.06845934781717436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713966464688149,0.054417680603080235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26028565210258625,0.1732935120828929,0.0,0.060448765918946434,0.06287607757894789,0.0,0.08670134446371372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281523494000672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706621586477681,0.09190568511441967,0.07807713753191757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133568907504999,0.08381990717547028,0.0,0.17505181743651552,0.0,0.0,0.07754767581936624,0.06483089192690822,0.0,0.0,0.06496380750196848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487443917024994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907473829034971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770287093181891,0.08689338169576201,0.19531471674573714,0.13631487159685676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251209093861504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552563527903234,0.2137658341445112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416070172920315,0.05223707387758802,0.0800965886721598,0.0,0.04753710568296038,0.0,0.0,0.23369807162377976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470969205871717,0.13078673608411295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356242905451715,0.0,0.0,0.07858590557655569,0.0,0.11870040068503925,0.16558248169283396,0.0,0.057912073837114074,0.0,0.0,0.10499713706839454
bpd,Badlydressedgirl,2019/03/01,"Crushing jealousy My ‘friends’ are all on a night out and didn’t invite me. Even though they know I have tomorrow off work. 

I’m in fucking tears. I hate feeling left out. Why didn’t they invite me? ",0.03683333333333394,2.398530350000001,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,95.5,3.6666666666666674,21.66666666666667,5.46131890053228,-0.028833333333333044,154,6,33,1,6,48,32,40,0.256,0.629,0.11599999999999999,-0.7909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,7,1,5,7,1,8,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,21,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366311407175636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181149921548288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767952200565615,0.3312109012784117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537132437717905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689347985776426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892567720379365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362081250336002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35199426805463746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32327910340039384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608217238061053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,22totheworld,2019/03/01,"DAE struggle getting to sleep? I'll be exhausted, but my brain won't switch off!

I've started listening to relaxing music for sleep (like [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njHvGxZgTPk&t=755s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njHvGxZgTPk&t=755s) )  ",21.622222222222227,29.039389740740752,9.33481481481482,44.166666666666686,40.48148148148149,9.525925925925927,34.925925925925924,9.725611199111238,4.5579481481481485,221,7,19,4,3,49,24,27,0.115,0.711,0.174,0.5764,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6241718446285337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215424426885927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048645723152526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071940596756655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5764862528134773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387273399962474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011168370342314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamafacsimile,2019/03/01,"Finding the Good in BPD This will likely get downvoted. 

As much as I appreciate this subreddit, it's largely populated by people (understandably) lamenting about BPD. But isn't this tendency to see only the bad in things just another *symptom* of BPD? Isn't this just more all-or-nothing thinking? By only focusing on the negatives of BPD--which, I admit, is all too easy--aren't we only reinforcing our sense of hopelessness and powerlessness? Aren't we just forfeiting our fight against this condition? 

Don't get me wrong. I think BPD is *really* bad. It nearly killed me (who knows, it still might), has killed many, and it will kill a lot more. It's utterly devastating, and anyone who doesn't have it should be grateful to have been spared the psychological agony that many of us experience daily. 

But I no longer think it's *all* bad. I can think of several benefits to having BPD: being fairly good at reading people; having a heightened sense of self-awareness; and having lots of experience with many hobbies/occupations (thanks to the identity disturbance). These are just a few things. 

Now, I'm not saying that these ""benefits"" make BPD worth having. In my case, they don't. I'd rather give these things up than have BPD. 

What I am saying, however, is that we should be more aware of the unique perspectives and abilities that BPD offers each of us who have it, and we should try to integrate these positives into our overall conception of our BPD. To see the entire spectrum of this illness--the bad and the good--is to begin to conquer it. 

I invite criticism of this viewpoint. But I'd also like to hear from anyone who might have found some value--practical or otherwise--in having BPD. 

Thanks. ",4.93402310149914,7.13941731629393,5.5797603833865805,76.50030658638488,70.72523961661342,9.288228065863848,28.332391250921606,9.757249324022393,2.9597796510199066,1352,51,235,35,26,437,162,313,0.151,0.752,0.09699999999999999,-0.976,2,0,0,0,1,1,66.0,10,0,1,1,10,19,4,1,11,0,34,1,0,1,2,44,53,14,3,4,10,0,0,2,0,7,1,3,0,0,32,14,0,0,9,1,1,0,9,11,0,0,2,5,21,8,38,41,11,11,0,1,2,0,22,8,0,6,5,170,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669990435817189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612341424065283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166480856930187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503557383452966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8090360564496561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424656273463175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053373622391679726,0.0,0.0,0.0640290831968841,0.0,0.0,0.061019841397034,0.05601953712773898,0.0,0.1469414098155654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581744408717566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382223964436712,0.0,0.03209335716175206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705945898118291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929375170152918,0.0,0.0,0.03898032121168217,0.17761558548058895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389956478971975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292837135515027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603330996539796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324020641038753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096998435026287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841260862750267,0.0,0.03741048901747656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287896741441387,0.0,0.0,0.09306938684252858,0.0,0.0609206041343961,0.06597176836361893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046635764404400856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069664077935615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752786551795217,0.0,0.0,0.11638872846419775,0.14967326033307607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03964759775071862,0.0,0.0,0.06079313412704191,0.14048833390980447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638477396641362,0.0,0.0
bpd,lauriehannah,2019/06/07,"DAE really hate socialising? I don't know if this is a bpd thing or just a me thing. 

I really really dislike socialising, I hate meeting new people and having to ask and answer questions and have small talk, it really bores me. I know this sounds awful but I just don't really care what people do for a job or what their hobbies are or where they are going on holiday.. I am very introverted anyway, I can only spend so much time with my pals before I need to be alone, but I can't think of anything worse than spending time with people I dont know.

I tried to talk to my therapist about it but she said she thinks I'm just anxious that people won't like me. I don't think this is true because I usually only care about what my FP and closest friends think, strangers opinions don't matter to me. I don't know how to explain to my therapist that I just don't like people, I like being alone because people annoy me and I'm impatient and irritable. 

This makes me feel like I think I'm too good for everyone or something and then I feel really guilty because I don't think that's true. I really just don't know anything about myself haha welcome to bpd I guess. 

sorry for rambling but I just wanted to know if anyone understands or relates to this at all? 

ps keep strong guys, we are all fighting a horrible battle but the support here is wonderful x",3.830255474452557,5.0224617700729945,5.299715328467155,81.4674562043796,71.81021897810221,8.39970802919708,26.47372262773723,8.841846274778883,1.9666618978102195,1071,35,211,20,20,361,132,274,0.22899999999999998,0.652,0.11900000000000001,-0.9788,1,2,1,0,2,0,19.0,1,0,2,1,15,20,5,0,5,2,24,0,0,2,4,59,57,22,0,4,18,0,2,4,2,1,0,2,0,1,15,10,0,1,19,1,2,1,11,6,0,0,1,4,38,14,22,53,3,11,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,11,9,139,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057642197690327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848424729189204,0.0,0.06095559814203351,0.0,0.14347710386990858,0.0,0.08149794184835236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942533431103267,0.0,0.07418049148253948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959064399206984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776381057273322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216981047259574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330055690083563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815777187145953,0.062278666248651235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735208510248289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954422080365623,0.07311922711107165,0.0,0.0,0.0960343687615228,0.0863181043910294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213682007604578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650888747290689,0.07748617666740558,0.0,0.0,0.2874584266764641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035947369703425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819076385173471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408450834721381,0.06464001816569695,0.0,0.08419527872741933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326027962447817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36262183778460494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765725059909433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909309633751897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292449146757996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711246714564527,0.0,0.09758657410014124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892647348395876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401377907510905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024364821335526,0.11583193438016193,0.33515378053186834,0.0,0.0,0.10166624010195413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059186890366342185,0.0,0.0,0.09075345717606176,0.0,0.0,0.09601222427917973,0.07192946197161004,0.0514187579284769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453882702529963,0.0,0.0,0.0888399548874891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,piscian19,2019/06/07,"Has anyone ever gone to a personality disorder support group. What was it like? I've been avoiding this meetup.com support group event for going on three weeks now. I have this mousy intense fear of having to interact with strangers. Like I'm afraid they're going to sniff my butt and then reject me. I'm not even sure why I want to go. I don't desperately need to say anything  (liar) or feel the need for therapy (pssbb). I'm afraid I might actually just be comforted by meeting other people with the same sort of mildly ""fucked up"" general disorders I have. 

Has anyone ever gone to a voluntary one? Whats expected? Should I bring donuts? A def poem? Can I just sneak in halfway through and sit in the back?",3.0917855137563173,5.426071328467156,4.454306569343069,81.8975856260528,76.5912408759124,7.719034250421113,25.86692869174621,8.617729084823388,2.063819090398653,560,21,105,12,13,185,97,137,0.124,0.743,0.133,-0.5619,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,13,2,4,6,0,12,2,1,0,3,22,28,4,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,7,0,2,4,3,9,6,18,21,1,18,0,1,0,2,6,4,2,3,9,66,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.16689306362714895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391654929583521,0.0,0.14073675479045433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150556776789793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920126723515893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295859527973973,0.3093988658205919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244759888731874,0.08647399750970676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810733125105114,0.0,0.0,0.2915876888977548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710568327103525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142760026867671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25362168989652056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588911510863024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856530714528694,0.14933004806565206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600377210387007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881480867810092,0.16118646393162298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557886856898732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087336489271714,0.0,0.1371837477467278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543209963518203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iRun-a-lot,2019/06/07,"What is an FP (favorite person) for people with BPD? I’ve seen some people here refer to some people in their life as their FP. I think I have one, but is it a BPD thing? I’m weirdly obsessed with him and would literally do anything for him whenever asked. I get super insanely jealous of other people who are friends with him. I know it’s bad, but is it a BPD thing?",2.5658333333333303,3.9127993552631612,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,75.1842105263158,6.64561403508772,24.508771929824558,7.1686216300943375,0.9610245614035092,285,9,60,3,6,96,51,76,0.16699999999999998,0.721,0.11199999999999999,-0.5632,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,1,6,1,1,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,12,13,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,9,2,9,11,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,2,0,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077741429050315,0.0,0.1712893362140066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298405594424624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6922911449383118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155810181440567,0.0,0.09572677072658403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100694900954585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941624995188886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415705582035284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080967075741671,0.15998378360179952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243451241864256,0.11740228709035225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015679121987758,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EmberSpiritttt,2019/06/07,"I miss having an FP even though it's probably bad for me I miss having someone I want to talk to all day every day. It distracted me from stuff I should be doing but it was fun and I just miss knowing people that closely. 

I don't think I have issues socializing but it's hard for me to make people go from friends to people who care about me and ugh, I just miss some old friends",1.0187962962962978,2.981630679012348,2.7809722222222213,93.15812500000004,81.71604938271605,5.531481481481482,20.001543209876548,6.6274283507984215,0.11073950617283934,299,8,67,3,8,99,51,81,0.172,0.627,0.2,0.8201,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,1,1,14,18,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,1,12,4,9,15,2,5,0,4,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783257846093172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775343445121706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27547576494400805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106394149544546,0.0,0.1799457257477363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33001425433588016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137930889810022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913207996782761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229162872554647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737495850827714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256263568191732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241105082920788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441969956100933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026943136501066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177123043863883,0.18096097886894336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24449170267394066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166309123403015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684991439856498,0.2098358596633602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597177229794393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,M_Nerd,2019/06/07,"DAE suddenly feel like you're super annoying just for existing? I just get these bouts when people don't reply to me, that ""you are superannoying, they must hate you and just tolerate you, and they're just ignoring you untill you go away - they just hang out with you/talk to you out of pity"" - does anyone else get this? 

I felt like I made some progress earlier today, and now I just feel broken and despairing.",4.470295358649789,6.066892759493673,5.079177215189876,82.09868143459916,70.77215189873421,9.317299578059073,24.55907172995781,9.725611199111238,2.1144413502109707,324,9,64,8,6,104,53,79,0.19899999999999998,0.672,0.129,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,6,2,2,8,8,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,20,11,6,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,3,13,3,9,8,1,10,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,1,7,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969459387763053,0.2885979376921028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646324936101941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24648596558101624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529403523726386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848354486030271,0.20122073712568175,0.2704415022806477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29431551138020023,0.0,0.1600760779080613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27808477532162085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752134955555733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665171801925412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527027442956266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263907631026835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669844307473466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oftentimesdead,2019/06/07,"If I'm aware that my attention seeking behaviour is caused by childhood neglect why can't I stop it? My mum was mentally ill and slept all day, leaving me to my own devices from ages 0-5 until I went into foster care. I know this is the most likely cause for why I feel the need to do dumb shit to get noticed. What exactly do they teach in therapy in order to get over this kind of thing? Shouldn't being aware of the cause be enough to stop me from acting this way? 

So far my experience with therapy is: I give my life story to them, update them on how I'm doing, they parrot me, and I never get any actual advice.  Being ignored also triggers my mood swings/rage/emptiness sometimes and I'm really over it by this point. I'm tired of having this awful, festering, narcissistic desire to be seen in my chest.",3.6976626016260137,4.872474823170734,5.281463414634152,81.5389430894309,72.10975609756099,8.14959349593496,25.252032520325198,8.59863814320734,1.7181764227642278,637,19,125,11,12,216,107,164,0.129,0.8140000000000001,0.057,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,0,3,8,2,0,3,1,14,6,3,5,3,25,29,8,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,4,2,20,3,24,20,4,21,0,1,1,0,6,9,2,2,9,83,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.14679494659032336,0.0,0.0,0.1469954172244411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029633064246276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229544445685963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533702411295425,0.4635895631458967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701290039646387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543119037833744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471463643702859,0.0,0.0,0.07606035607476379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357755262242979,0.14430318120291774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664645899815668,0.08267068546750034,0.0,0.0,0.15928035798154191,0.0,0.0,0.106250961992419,0.07349098074415329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515949256701426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153963386304247,0.1160184921112172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712620127928172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422020345674779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636731848156516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441104224951707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487760419231073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25152723363100965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440525201205551,0.0,0.09993694244711324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289358288498427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940186453595245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944723531802644,0.271473744023785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Oswiin11,2019/06/07,"I think my friend has BPD, looking for advice hey everyone, I do not have BPD myself, but I am pretty sure my best friend does. We've always thought that she had just really bad depression... she's never really been happy and she's been suicidal more than once in her life and also has tried to commit suicide in the past as well. I don't want to act like I know everything and that I can diagnose her for sure, but she has pretty much ever symptom there is to this and I've been on this tread reading some of what you all have posted and some of the posts sound pretty similar to how she has felt in similar situations. But I think bringing something up like this to her could make her feel really upset, like I'm invalidating her feelings and saying they are just because she has this mental illness. And that is really not the case because I truly understand mental illness and I don't think it makes anyones feelings invalid, I just want her to get the help she needs and I want her to have a chance at healing and feeling better. I also want to be able to help as much as I can.   


anyone have any advice for me on how to talk to her about this or how to help her?",4.773417721518988,5.176130898734178,5.757654008438821,81.92458227848101,69.12658227848101,8.682869198312238,27.19240506329114,8.648137234880735,1.8210637974683543,921,27,186,14,15,305,122,237,0.131,0.633,0.23600000000000002,0.9842,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,1,1,2,12,14,0,1,5,0,24,6,0,5,6,49,46,22,2,6,9,0,5,3,2,0,6,2,0,0,10,10,0,0,11,1,0,2,5,3,1,0,6,8,35,11,29,38,7,14,0,1,1,0,26,7,0,3,6,138,45,1,0.10016808326209084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576618332377085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020875998992465,0.08334786957190574,0.0,0.0,0.06811773152815834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007970568159198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836361655002128,0.12212306766007044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512022350393127,0.08859052957237501,0.0,0.0,0.2523163886372308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997606373366208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862746233359086,0.10166849598943407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765776468345693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906077660415546,0.0,0.09571489616583136,0.09002461436067301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025919704458339,0.0,0.09617706838471374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547792253012349,0.0,0.052333689219269404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663078725043544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014216642740132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504975893915663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075167953017114,0.1468111973896096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411596196373525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372594679071895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018917362871371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727013337003014,0.07427336451366598,0.07725580097818034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667573954154236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562176972853824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186666949884407,0.3057208552605471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019519016800096,0.0,0.2566809563522299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965768026248672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125931224647586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771142842649323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913525030187372,0.0,0.1888144660678968,0.10411299218338704,0.0,0.08051131102651174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192550989433252,0.0,0.07952226922662364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800755332928703,0.0,0.0,0.10427850729302672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632692309411515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006313655581208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Quixarious,2019/06/07,"Confused and a little scared Hey everyone, 

I was very recently diagnosed with BPD but I know next to nothing about it - is there any online resources that would be good for me to read up on?",3.831261261261261,5.637461135135138,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,72.78378378378378,8.176576576576577,28.54954954954956,8.841846274778883,2.296322522522524,150,6,29,3,3,48,35,37,0.09,0.809,0.10099999999999999,0.3392,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,7,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455779290258807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603329014716127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903854509490404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733807854160058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23996708401880498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723306338518353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867473348079909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042705677640931,0.0,0.0,0.2745206409247488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861773964167184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282489208671404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28643598421831656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23606244111619154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20323721270769335,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kalagsd,2019/06/07,"Does anyone have any actionable advice about feelings of jealousy and anxiety about friendships? My main friend at the moment is causing me a lot of anxiety. It's not really her fault, it's more my expectations of her and what I want. I'm getting so worked up lately because I feel like she likes everyone else more than me, and whenever she's not talking to me I get really jealous that she's talking to other friends. I get annoyed to the point I start being a bit shitty to her, almost testing her to see how much she really cares. I just can't keep doing this though because eventually she'll get fed up with me because I'm too miserable or intense for her. I don't know what to do because I don't know what to do about feelings of anxiety and jealousy.",5.792470760233918,5.8893551184210535,6.833508771929827,76.1506725146199,66.89473684210526,9.913450292397664,34.65204678362573,9.725611199111238,3.3278353801169587,606,27,114,12,9,204,87,152,0.141,0.7170000000000001,0.142,0.0423,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,1,4,0,10,1,0,2,0,21,27,8,0,2,4,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,1,5,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,4,24,5,20,24,6,8,0,1,1,0,14,4,0,3,5,82,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568606832199876,0.0,0.0,0.1492890717583912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138425667663156,0.0,0.34215338769194714,0.0,0.0,0.10424508066698307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36352814927984056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276436554514512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520041090372497,0.15315339313541754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046701813159514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454303874540995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245899537394865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261485651920273,0.10650776605940432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23036845699513336,0.0,0.31156716828998754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251535516800564,0.0,0.0,0.16386860704446726,0.0,0.1681766036722875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567273244166434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674841632757144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959608216119772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093538230442332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28652680490461113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880301820327875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055245295695854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396609293751879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647719781127044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793536166375372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853709477306957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imma_butt,2019/06/07,"Question about embarrassment Hi all, 

I'm new to this community, although I've been a lurker for some time. While I haven't had an official diagnosis, a lot of what I have read about BPD resonates with me. It's been an intimidating realization, but I also find comfort in knowing there are other people out there who struggle with emotional regulation, especially while in a relationship. 

My question is, how do you get over the shame and embarrassment of a total melt down? My FP, now ex-boyfriend, and I had a very difficult conversation today that let me feeling pretty triggered and frankly, ashamed. While we were dating, I had shown up at his apartment uninvited, in full panic, wildly screaming and crying just to get him to speak with me after some relationship problems. This happened several times over the course of our relationship, where he would refuse to see me and have a conversation, so I would lose my mind sitting outside in my car in front of his apartment. I recognize this is toxic behavior and extremely unhealthy. After I come down, I am filled with guilt over my actions. I blatantly disrespected his boundaries and I hate myself for that. I am desperately afraid of abandonment and I feel as though I am a self-fulfilling prophecy. My ex-boyfriend really struggles being vulnerable with emotions and I think I act out in an unhealthy attempt for some desperate want of validation/emotional connection with him. I found out today that his roommates essentially think I'm a crazy woman and his neighbor even commented on my well-being after seeing me have a breakdown in my car. I feel so incredibly bad for making them feel uncomfortable in what should be their safe space. How do I release the shame and embarrassment of this situation? I have distanced myself from the relationship, while still very conflicted with my FP, and have not shown my face at his place since my last episode a couple months ago. I guess I'm just seeking some support and validation that I am not crazy and looking for some advice on how to move forward and get myself to a healthy place. I really, really just want to be healthy.",8.766510822510824,8.838497270129869,8.601038961038963,66.05108225108228,60.71428571428571,11.8008658008658,39.112554112554115,11.303756567709739,4.642904761904762,1719,80,283,43,21,556,200,385,0.24600000000000002,0.688,0.065,-0.9979,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,1,2,2,18,21,1,11,18,0,28,1,1,5,3,70,53,29,0,6,6,0,4,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,13,27,0,4,11,1,0,9,3,18,0,0,7,9,55,3,54,39,9,56,0,2,3,0,29,29,0,9,19,216,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957956729226946,0.08689939603113479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839610350865824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185257145781916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346779116060301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444583220800908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847047218195904,0.1076834780690358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33081819855180056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474916892514426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827156874684568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959941317134552,0.0,0.0,0.10748695747572863,0.0,0.0,0.15365292074971978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799322931915296,0.0,0.08668931692583,0.0,0.0,0.0967862408243907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053875788067921065,0.07990911168997747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024429605275373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232213595878353,0.10967266037660617,0.0,0.08334324602095194,0.0,0.0,0.06543707826624354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898430922699304,0.0,0.07824815574394897,0.1041924333004245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467985431110794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501935430616952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796300079688357,0.0,0.20484501540755412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973372165695413,0.0,0.09380332289977436,0.0,0.0,0.21963640714534435,0.0,0.09805846446816374,0.0,0.18840530465521646,0.0,0.0,0.42099844577326784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623752092583182,0.0,0.10226868883714063,0.11074818358548676,0.0,0.08109303019063054,0.11019200302986376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828843043043715,0.0,0.0,0.2049685282800076,0.0,0.0,0.11124547882662478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562981199657333,0.09631587902521817,0.0,0.11432642004041944,0.0,0.18584562481559544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177322726602156,0.1156435511137725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814248329726661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927814880170414,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Awkward_Dachsund,2019/06/07,"Feeling like you have multiple personalities- DAE? For context, I don't mean does anyone think they have actual Dissociative Identity Disorder. BUT, does anyone else ever feel as though the ""normal"" side of you and the ""BPD"" side of you are different people? Like, two different folks entirely exist within you? I feel like this more often than not, like a pariah. An outsider in my own head and flesh and it's so uncomfortable. The BPD me is aggressive and volatile while the ""normal"" me is..idk. Faceless. An amalgamation of every person I've ever met so that when I look in the mirror I don't see myself, I see them and past traumas. It's either utter rage or total meakness. Fuck this shit :(",3.5399105545617147,6.1955038139534935,4.928062015503876,77.40493738819322,76.75193798449612,7.6901610017889075,23.87656529516995,8.617729084823388,2.0364640429338103,548,18,93,12,13,182,88,129,0.21600000000000005,0.6990000000000001,0.085,-0.9743,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,2,0,7,9,4,0,8,0,6,4,3,0,3,20,16,13,0,2,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,6,15,4,9,15,4,10,0,0,3,1,9,5,2,2,9,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.1381550481312555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798258521285586,0.14505850221232242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35661304877038397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958277814125731,0.16225518436700864,0.0,0.2477833713537217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826626553175427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25612217949749644,0.11928155040927906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147510332978066,0.20227988442974645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088216780352768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452949755811681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766621118166192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888585520803965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542147486681077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774234087671822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514766526220792,0.09814905041200027,0.2472325635299418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256310659887545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532288385590514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907144078860862,0.13909497748892416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829647214809446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ModestV,2019/06/07,"BOYFRIEND 🤮 I don’t know if it’s the BPD, but does anyone else have an issue referring to a significant other as “girlfriend/boyfriend”. I’m 25+ and I just feel like it’s not a substantial title. I don’t want to be 30+ and still referring to him as boyfriend. 

He and I talk about this sometimes. I don’t want to get married though. He’s better off and I don’t want my financial issues to drag him down, but I want a ring and title... 

Crazy? Sane? Justified?",-0.679528718703974,1.5085262680412368,1.7100810014727548,95.14270618556702,95.59793814432993,5.245655375552285,19.299705449189986,6.868970318607317,0.3542818851251841,356,12,81,6,14,120,59,97,0.081,0.7070000000000001,0.212,0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,18,14,11,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,10,13,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595498262270874,0.2285311727541774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972610441001505,0.0,0.0,0.2809114840288745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518409324799849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632157334472205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277589097095138,0.1593400542135975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652936523617978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655923074982791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257713074091188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896623759694457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059258658370864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812029329899282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927136626931325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913598889386204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5262198546904041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elegantmushroom,2019/06/07,"Just got diagnosed with BPD (and OCPD) Hey everyone, 

​

The other day, I found out that I have BPD (and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). Neither diagnosis is a huge surprise; the symptoms fit me very well. On the one hand, I'm glad to finally have a more complete explanation for why I feel the way I do. On the other, BPD feels like a pretty big diagnosis, so it hasn't fully sunken in yet. A part of me feels like I've just exaggerated all of my symptoms and there's nothing ""wrong"" at all (which, logically, I know isn't true). 

​

How did you guys feel when you were first diagnosed? 

Do any of you have OCPD as well?",3.951854838709679,5.759292411290321,5.4234193548387095,78.26512903225809,72.46774193548387,9.153548387096777,29.335483870967746,9.642632912329526,2.812715483870968,505,21,99,13,10,170,84,124,0.040999999999999995,0.769,0.19,0.9577,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,0,1,9,9,0,1,9,0,10,5,1,1,3,18,18,7,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,2,2,2,4,5,11,7,12,14,5,14,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,7,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26579631434390866,0.2980819006197729,0.08341055745037983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634443226004574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286029008133529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910323030425631,0.0,0.0,0.2489873263649383,0.0,0.0,0.14057485981263687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720344565786026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24807504317539555,0.17525151203988135,0.0,0.13436408980894998,0.0,0.10433147040944828,0.0,0.13448641065945818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980995272299634,0.0,0.0,0.12144911911365665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740874919955264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984744196561145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769212299110253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311515039796996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328249274388751,0.0,0.0,0.10709883661013878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478565364902015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549739259080737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120437486900104,0.0,0.09735894041458157,0.0,0.0,0.2205656664519013,0.0,0.1106783221989667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410551748407756,0.2980819006197729,0.0
bpd,BadSonxxx,2019/06/07,Playing the Victim I have noticed that my wife starts to display BPD symptoms whenever she's in a situation to play the victim. That's her main trigger I think. Caught me texting and driving and punched me in the face. Saw a text on my phone from my mother criticizing her about something and she threatens divorce. Mutual female friend texted me about re-paying money I let her borrow and she accuses me of cheating on her.  Got mad that we couldn't go out to dinner Friday so when we go Saturday she runs up the tab almost doubling what it would normally be for us. When she gets in these moods there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it and it's almost worse if I challenge her. Any tips or suggestions?,3.941850649350648,5.6038798214285706,4.7979220779220775,83.33253246753249,72.21428571428572,7.376623376623378,28.441558441558442,8.00094639256281,1.897642857142857,565,22,107,8,11,183,95,140,0.16,0.7829999999999999,0.057,-0.9334,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,3,0,0,1,6,9,4,0,6,0,8,3,1,1,0,19,17,10,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,8,1,1,2,2,2,5,1,4,0,0,3,1,25,4,17,9,2,17,0,0,1,0,19,7,0,5,5,77,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432425034847062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468328867275969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719434637732459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681912291109344,0.0,0.112809197969162,0.0,0.24542442738643,0.0,0.1726908104931078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079265236580287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155558657222645,0.20718089762394065,0.2458261544164169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656530133508085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24270293250062555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662256318954467,0.0,0.0,0.15282916505167082,0.0,0.0,0.18051864382007315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244233747246128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835270683303194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597249666591106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004075050151198,0.1533832502267468,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luckeeyou,2019/06/07,"Diagnosed yesterday, started Topomax, question Got my diagnosis yesterday. I'm considered really high functioning just have extensive trauma and the subsequent fallout from it. I have started topomax to level my moods and I have a question about the tiredness. Does it subside? So far it's the first side effect I have noticed.",6.103878787878788,9.622403054545458,6.650454545454547,63.70901515151516,73.0,10.212121212121213,41.89393939393939,10.125756701596842,6.106757575757578,268,18,33,9,6,87,39,55,0.055,0.945,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,3,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,5,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28144292705433954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426578423479042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23586224122010735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217736821333704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929714992349416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31569584550528884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6212552279812582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763870452648975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925337610507116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayuser9999999,2019/06/07,"My boyfriend treats me bad , but I am afraid I will never find anyone else who loves me My boyfriend treats me like garbage, he’s extremely verbally and mentally abusive. He’s extremely manipulating also. 

I want to leave but I’m terrified I will never find someone else who will put up with me. Every relationship I’ve ever had, guys end up leaving me because of my bpd behavior and I don’t blame them. 

Me and my bf have been together for 3 years and it’s my longest relationship no one else has ever put up with me for this long but I want out. I’m tired of being mistreated I want someone to love me and treat me good, I’m terrified that because of my bpd I will never find someone who’s willing to stay with me like my current boyfriend. 

I don’t want to be alone. I can’t do it , I can’t be alone in life I need someone. I don’t want to start over and date someone and deal with heart break over and over and over again. 

But I know how I am, my bpd behavior is scary to a normal person, I’m extremely clingy, jealous , I’m terrified of being abandoned so I push them away. I do stupid impulse things like dye my hair every few weeks or spontaneously buy shit I can’t afford. I’m so negative and complain. I act like a child and stomp my feet and over react over the smallest little things. 

All of these behaviors have pushed away every man I’ve ever dated, I’ve gone through so many breakups I’ve lost count I just want to be loved for who I am. I want to be treated with respect and kindness. I don’t think anyone will ever love me again. 

I don’t know what to do please help.  I’m so terrified of ending up alone.",1.9644708209693391,3.7586976973293815,3.567261127596442,89.49488773491596,77.96142433234421,6.748526211671613,24.5864490603363,7.675431598112923,1.1479611078140457,1272,45,276,19,30,422,147,337,0.218,0.607,0.174,-0.9743,2,3,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,1,15,23,3,1,3,0,32,10,4,3,8,52,57,24,0,9,6,0,1,4,1,6,2,0,0,4,12,19,0,1,6,0,1,6,13,8,0,1,4,1,47,15,38,41,2,41,0,2,0,4,22,15,1,1,22,171,59,0,0.0,0.09222663047833804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418535640715179,0.0,0.0622479172385791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885384702585088,0.07975537844726491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626483367210832,0.0,0.06499241500323405,0.09490001182336767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941069454407221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024871623004125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950737934248819,0.0,0.13788471532042554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816397666186009,0.196748450788714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343064027790085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528776195461934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770729680073736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223973360641516,0.05217392227730095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105746670207918,0.0855566908741783,0.0,0.0,0.16484078090186527,0.0,0.0,0.05498007340124892,0.1521130515856077,0.07801524868551793,0.0,0.06888517295979693,0.0,0.0,0.08497059599593045,0.0,0.2810113843212291,0.0,0.0,0.0789166517378729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844352638610456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771672220131103,0.18010298709480088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626581213409678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274580313386936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796611838703709,0.0,0.08544398061685705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649963257661392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714017175082266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990073950998695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297641747044174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509493074276384,0.08296614655775575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342570699041218,0.04987616596912416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894646194196301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32138071369053023,0.0,0.06243784798108658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050125842107639235
bpd,Down_South_Donte,2019/06/07,"I sold my pistol. I hate this disease. I’m diagnosed with BPD. I have a very nice side where I am loving, caring, and passive? Oh, you’re different than me? Each to its own. Illegal Immigrants? I love them. Driving too slow? It’s ok, I understand and will be patient. You put a dent in my car? It’s fine. SO did something that mildly upset me? It’s ok. A guy tries me, I take the high road and leave them be.

BUT, when I am in my dark mood, I am the polar opposite. Let’s say I get into a minor argument with someone close to me or I get a negative comment (nothing serious) from my boss, I become genuinely crazy. Like I want to put my hurt feelings on everyone else because I have NO ABILITY to cope. I become batshit and will have extremely violent thoughts towards anyone making me a little annoyed or in my way.   I become evil and hate everything and everyone. I will hate immigrants, anyone different than me, etc. I will become VERY easy to set off. And because I’m usually suicidal in these moods, I don’t think about my consequences on anything until I snap out of it.

I use my gun for protection, but I feel that I will end up hurting myself or someone else eventually. My mother yelled at me about a week ago (I’m 23), and I lost it. I went for a drive and a guy cut me off. I pulled up next to him and threatened him with m pistol in traffic and was SERIOUSLY about to shoot at him. I realized I needed to get rid of it at that point. 

I hate living like this.",1.1538420319365557,3.284463451827243,3.642621369628124,86.24080698746118,82.25581395348838,7.206130103954559,24.659843532311648,8.259297600419973,1.741647433286893,1133,45,235,25,31,394,163,301,0.196,0.7190000000000001,0.086,-0.9864,2,0,1,4,0,1,46.0,0,1,2,1,7,25,8,1,11,2,17,3,0,3,0,34,43,19,1,2,5,1,2,2,0,5,1,2,0,2,13,18,0,1,6,0,1,7,3,14,0,0,6,4,53,9,39,29,3,41,0,3,0,2,13,24,0,3,10,158,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718878026181544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754894983314556,0.0,0.08094057627169031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991672616179902,0.4345164671425077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387895203617512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002829363007952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983169786385217,0.0,0.20552717109447333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643316315633647,0.0,0.08711634135384626,0.0,0.10969560739914172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797131799983166,0.08839818090845489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994659170786438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416460131706294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478054473206152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38843419719886185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392104182705383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105893867338391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414733572687884,0.0,0.10057812021975893,0.0,0.0961058845102029,0.09858094886730348,0.08685226250348396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736980424000184,0.0,0.17754457862827833,0.0,0.06565499069621349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293150167413362,0.0,0.0,0.10460526617505483,0.0,0.0,0.09437753025374546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298047306536436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775470227592645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821854145778223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667749340053972,0.0757210958301576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075881170787154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395327023609016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302408631573189,0.0,0.07808557683104947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677889202899959,0.0,0.0,0.1023945552893085,0.0,0.08495007081635055,0.10832787326582567,0.16231194931767226,0.058014328218933785,0.0780723136852958,0.07889716950105112,0.0,0.0,0.09117921517061488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnluckyWriting,2019/06/07,"Playing the victim/victim mentality Anyone have any tricks or tools or advice for moving yourself out of the victim space?

I’m very stuck in my divorce because I feel like if I let go of being a victim and being tortured over his betrayal, it’s like he’s getting away with what he did to me. My BPD side is righteously furious and wants him to suffer and wants everyone on my “side”. I think part of my victim mindset is that it allows me to get sympathy and attention and love from everyone because they feel bad for me. 

But it’s keeping me stuck and it’s toxic and I don’t want to be a victim anymore! Help!",3.8050985663082413,4.9547001370967765,5.484946236559143,80.27797491039428,71.82258064516128,8.091756272401435,28.293906810035843,8.515128840125781,2.133644444444445,483,18,92,8,9,165,78,124,0.23199999999999998,0.645,0.12300000000000001,-0.94,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,0,22,23,11,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,4,1,0,2,1,9,0,0,3,2,15,4,16,16,1,10,0,1,0,1,8,8,0,3,2,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261904585986367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340453415428979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548567097575575,0.13782778411782262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519655914963748,0.0,0.1645832607502493,0.2403196340734508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482601499858153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767047333920152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933510161766466,0.14081939688072548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059694910038794,0.0,0.11202531641639736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212240619310686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520536842154522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015640171363179,0.0,0.19260141380639895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790449061335828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864612442437896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950264741436644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134569448783077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630369295417931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264098226439733,0.34879159667300763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Saltykumquat,2019/06/07,Just a rant cause in a middle of an episode There’s been too much going on all at once I’m sure as many of you can maybe feel the same. I’m doing my best everyday to pick myself up and be a better person not just for myself but for my kids and the world. I know what I have is difficult to deal with but I can only imagine how much worse it is if you have npd like my husband. We’re doing our best to make things work but so much has come to light and I’m so traumatized from the past and now this I feel like I can’t handle it inside my head anymore. I’m just so tired of feeling everything all the time or not feeling anything at all. Oh and forgot to mention I’m in the middle of getting sober and detoxing.,1.3871153846153843,2.727672711538464,3.1592307692307706,93.78576923076923,78.2948717948718,5.825641025641026,20.974358974358974,6.297961479604792,0.06652820512820501,557,14,130,4,13,186,96,156,0.11199999999999999,0.753,0.135,0.2125,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,0,4,10,7,0,0,9,0,12,3,1,4,4,34,27,16,0,1,10,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,5,14,6,20,24,9,15,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,2,6,92,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182059217345505,0.0,0.0,0.1425725984834112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636370304241059,0.15322835142275273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797873249454513,0.0,0.14924226685066005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861641287886473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570877962396162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35040803788785785,0.12377210074162315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051763164355084,0.0,0.0984637703060663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177807738081142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952154124056308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692854970314644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564783768703285,0.17565152331437164,0.17405609814944584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820830487021156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450897387851886,0.0,0.13176684444318434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538975674211218,0.0,0.15127798716172156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328906430520326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151017090985709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010253178968298,0.19912903471875185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261303726994215,0.0,0.1765597837679077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Br3ena,2019/06/07,"BPD and intimacy Does anyone else struggle with intimacy with a SO after abuse? I was sexually abused by my dad as a teen and forced myself to lose my virginity with an ex SO who was emotionally abusive which led to a strong feeling of guilt, self-disgust and over 8 years of abstinence. I recently broke this abstinence with my current SO who I am hoping to marry next year, but since becoming intimate again I am getting severe flashbacks, guilt and aversion towards my SO. He says we don't have to get intimate anymore if it is causing me pain but he isn't; the past and my conflicting thoughts are. I was brought up a Catholic but so were my dad and ex SO and I have been struggling with my faith and intimacy too. I don't want to share these feelings with my current SO but it is affecting our relationship and my ability to be intimate again before and maybe even after our marriage. Any advice?",5.309655172413791,6.489111862068968,6.273045977011496,75.91405172413795,68.3103448275862,9.708045977011494,34.614942528735625,9.928628108626363,3.5493425287356324,720,35,133,17,12,239,104,174,0.221,0.7140000000000001,0.065,-0.9799,2,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,3,0,0,2,11,11,0,4,6,0,16,2,0,3,0,31,24,23,0,3,5,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,17,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,7,3,21,4,21,16,0,16,1,2,0,1,15,3,0,2,11,97,28,0,0.0,0.5259244661275579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458459336760246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061773026277723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673635268542276,0.10345692469025702,0.15160228888744942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634099623165801,0.1259028826673624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635017464053646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199546068063666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948060841856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360141790614565,0.16643484775773326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772604517833428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962583000358007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460576585242689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695745556850848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552915721873024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864549517628442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735691414590644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743964741396055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124436057912834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609244161438376,0.1588534409577181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117663562866832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543543287355815,0.16715244646624047,0.0,0.1223938664173353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30935939390953465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746354518016786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727051704550014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905625060999156
bpd,darcij97,2019/06/07,"Have you ever been scared to let someone go? Say your FP, someone who “abandoned” you. (I put it in parentheses because it’s not always necessarily abandonment, but feels like it.) You’re terrified to let them go because they were and are your world, and so you’re scared of the unknown, what your world will be like if they aren’t your world. Letting them go will bring you so much freedom, but still, just the thought of letting them go, not holding onto them, scares you and gives you a sense of dread. 

And you feel like you owe them something, when really you don’t. You don’t want to do to them what they did to you, meaning, you don’t want them to mean nothing to you, like you mean nothing to them. Has anyone felt this way before? Because it’s so hard, it’s terrifying, but at the same time, I know that my life will be so much better when and if I do let them go, and I won’t be miserable. And I know I have the power to do so.",3.6616779593463527,4.26332804145078,4.384455958549226,90.0708170585891,71.69430051813472,7.3892387405340765,26.2451175767238,7.321109707123232,1.0088831406935028,724,22,164,7,13,232,89,193,0.149,0.722,0.128,-0.7602,4,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,17,12,2,10,12,0,5,5,0,26,1,0,0,1,31,45,19,0,4,8,0,4,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,10,7,0,3,9,0,1,7,7,7,0,0,5,5,36,5,15,28,3,19,0,3,0,0,32,6,0,2,9,119,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921214196665016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496778654391117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607328607410596,0.0,0.0912327566407819,0.0,0.0,0.09482367025941883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698283746060923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842306900912836,0.1531899907434036,0.10294399032324444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028511736023272,0.3046660752174349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604430553213304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784600938055192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481771439745124,0.07572969664424553,0.2095209143890824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35036834217445795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763191204689395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575292072202675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778150124926568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686851926625288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526231464356918,0.32202518627167004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168721407300434,0.08253996785802258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562268356300247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511737622321944,0.06251840043408237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264773240270102,0.08510291869837511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lemonjuice___,2019/06/07,"bpd symptoms one of my worst symptoms is how quickly and rapidly I can develop feelings for someone, and the hurt I feel when that's taken away from me or I've got the wrong end of the stick. Or when I fall super hard and the other person finally matches the same energy I'm giving them, and I wake up one day and feel nothing towards them but unpleasantness and want nothing to do with them. 

It's happened recently with someone, we talk for a few weeks and already in my head I'm laying everything out and offering him the world; to then think that I'm too much and he probably needs space already and now its like my hearts been ripped from chest and held in front of me. Most of the time it's just anxiety but when it actually happens, and they ghost me or anything fuck it hurts. 

What can I do to stop this overwhelming feeling when I connect with someone new? How do you take it easy and not want to be talking to someone 24/7 and when they don't reply or wanna talk to you it makes you feel like the biggest fuckhead in the world?

It ruins my confidence it makes me feel ugly and unattractive that no one could actually wanna give me what i want to give it them.",8.910635593220341,6.0911823516949175,8.613999999999999,75.33862711864407,62.347457627118644,11.643389830508475,38.85423728813559,9.642632912329526,3.5103691525423733,929,36,188,13,10,300,128,236,0.171,0.73,0.1,-0.9721,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,3,6,1,11,10,1,1,10,0,10,7,4,4,0,50,36,29,1,7,8,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,17,20,0,2,7,0,0,2,3,7,0,3,4,7,27,3,27,30,5,29,0,4,0,1,20,11,1,5,18,134,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.2048180395828125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316139452009157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028094313512732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635897019011503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859720082994007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217176376611095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378827439502486,0.0,0.0,0.06767941449953224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294815866884344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431580823330143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183733510530269,0.07497114643356541,0.0,0.11495969119156185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701791352712268,0.0,0.3020120450266231,0.0,0.0,0.08393233171474669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560111604916096,0.0,0.094008122322048,0.0,0.10770157320452964,0.0,0.0,0.12435770527425365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246868432250467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253948758225127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010024750341882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714502170357672,0.07781374520803498,0.0,0.1013543955049762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139086468675266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333584077434944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163199186020153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314607145272312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361833960347876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556707240537592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773686712419065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815147057498893,0.07890391388297759,0.2530471057937249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724309909939644,0.0,0.0,0.06119298174757148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569392035614024,0.0,0.08417877191972503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473846099039513,0.0,0.0
bpd,lostinspace12345678,2019/06/07,"SPLITTTING - one comment from my S/O's friend and I think they are hiding things from me Ahhhhhhhh. Why is my go to so self destructive I cant stop telling myself ""I want to die, I want to die""

I dont wanna be here I need to snap out of it and I cant.

Just one comment from my partners friend that I'd never heard before from him and now I think I'm a laughing stock and he's cheating on me and everyone knows and I'm a stupid shit. Then this spirals to I hate myself so much.

Any positive vibrations & tips you can send my direction would be appreciated..... 0.0",0.12571428571428456,2.306800333333335,2.7978571428571435,90.27000000000002,87.33333333333334,5.761904761904763,21.07142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.5831428571428576,440,15,100,7,14,153,78,120,0.21600000000000005,0.649,0.135,-0.9277,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,1,0,5,8,5,0,2,0,9,1,1,0,1,18,20,9,2,5,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,4,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,1,1,20,3,13,16,1,8,0,0,0,0,13,2,1,0,4,64,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729295177415545,0.0,0.13637906366203284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065100957537474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41627293911822266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350399809547916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916315711748086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30988474435898383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397567109351513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799897212858295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021556958101747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742536520087213,0.14870330646896812,0.15467446674305674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27179212641391026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20921460631405,0.0,0.20585895562483786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766655050100918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752872087303862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332347369772812,0.25700526678333496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23657602629046365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809627751038502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246307154725085,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,A-Spocks,2019/06/07,"I don't get BPD at all. Seems too general to understand. Can someone explain it and how it shows? I don't have BPD at all. Quite the opposite actually, but i dont get the concept or how it is even seen. This makes me question its legitimacy and actual relevance.

Can anyone explain it?",0.6419736842105266,3.1533781754385966,3.7501535087719295,80.86628289473684,91.80701754385963,7.762280701754388,26.423245614035093,8.472884824447931,2.6713877192982465,224,11,44,7,8,80,40,57,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,3,2,15,15,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,14,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.4476712745273959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038341967110584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5777762746116434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688242604487551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149916125537308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396765755653441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531087215003356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569510313107788,0.243967157160504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088131958523493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943475861227185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387861041894203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ooker777,2019/06/07,"When you are in splitting stage, what do you expect from your partner? For example, when you are degrading your partner (you will never get it, I don't need you), should your partner be more solid than you (by strong argument and attitude), or should they be softer than you (show you the loving-kindness)? Which one is more efficient to you?",6.406428571428571,7.240007063492065,6.0985317460317505,79.39160714285715,65.66666666666667,9.474603174603176,31.62301587301588,9.516144504307137,2.8614158730158734,267,10,48,5,4,83,44,63,0.09,0.784,0.126,0.3666,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,12,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,1,7,12,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,14,1,7,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,16,1,0,1,3,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036119591191324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6051485376848743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308941725067703,0.448196667160752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937829164189332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shinebrightlike,2019/06/07,"a story about two borderlines I am in a relationship with a borderline lesbian. I can fly into a rage when I am triggered by abandonment, saying the worst things, just getting the feeling out of me as quickly as possible... but sometimes I can catch it before it goes into rage territory and just say ""I feel abandoned, I just need to be seen, heard, listened to!""

My partner seems to think that even when I say the above and don't go into rage, she should ignore me until I resolve my feelings on my own. Just total ice out, ignore, abandon, no response, doesn't answer the phone. She thinks she is training me like I'm a bad little child and will eventually stop this behavior if she ignores me long enough. She hasn't figured out that her training isn't helping me at all. In fact, her training is teaching me just how to hurt her. She ignores me for hours or days when I am feeling abandoned. It's the most painful feeling in the entire world and I have the urge to hurt myself when this happens.

When she is feeling abandoned, I specifically ignore her desperate cries. I only do this to show her how bad she hurts me. My real instincts when she is hurting are to run to her and calm her and hug her and say I'm here, I see you, I love you, I won't leave you. But, instead, I do everything possible to hurt her, block her on social media, delete comments, turn my phone off, and ignore her for hours on end.

We have the most pure loving connection, a cosmic real love that is rare. And we stab each other in the heart week after week.

She was raised by her great-grandma, a mean old narcissistic woman who saw her as a burden, and she treats me the same way, and I think she thinks she is helping me. Her caregiver probably thought she was helping her too. All I need is kindness and warmth and I am happy to give it back. Right now, since she has abandoned me yet again, and ignored my cries to be seen, I am planning ahead at all the ways I can hurt her back when she is in agonizing pain feeling abandoned...",4.799768652400231,5.436931568922309,5.388984962406017,83.75940572585311,69.15037593984961,7.842722190090612,30.13312126470021,7.748469712250963,1.859799228841335,1572,59,314,17,26,507,191,399,0.284,0.609,0.106,-0.9983,0,0,0,0,0,2,55.0,2,3,0,3,25,39,3,0,19,0,33,8,1,3,6,83,65,31,0,4,9,0,7,1,1,3,2,6,0,3,13,24,0,16,17,1,0,3,6,29,0,1,7,17,76,10,41,53,11,50,0,13,4,5,59,20,0,5,26,237,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714649669633726,0.13806311567784446,0.0,0.0,0.07035174838435426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163285800861292,0.05331960614281255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322698118135511,0.08542709082413485,0.0,0.0546071543028018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430445114260592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926266247777719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319514258762836,0.07931098601784449,0.04698705126128925,0.0,0.0,0.09115130971613136,0.0,0.0,0.07311069754804175,0.08801084212151637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797224037883773,0.1662492676963787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283971265294395,0.0,0.5310424480540161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609501894402068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754264555697754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039164000162297,0.08286373343234353,0.0,0.07316624257125634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385674115819407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005912042299091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260739185378935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675524714145336,0.0,0.0,0.06287932561535056,0.17594759112627778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641102389954334,0.0,0.0,0.08913942313297375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820827900492704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876379215059305,0.0,0.07060541605103514,0.0,0.2629911942742154,0.0,0.0,0.0658825939754339,0.07526572630425044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683909876529996,0.0,0.0,0.08427844333011147,0.0,0.0,0.08176933094885384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912138992128036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054926699321642285,0.21190346200921764,0.0,0.06563603310563118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992846506874103,0.08076308360145687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124976912877662,0.13263645962470338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snotnosedbabe,2019/06/07,"DAE struggle with facial expressions? I don’t know if this is a bpd thing or if it’s happening because i’m so neurotic. Anyways, if someone tells a joke or a funny story i’ll look around the room and see how long other people laughed at it and make sure I do it for an appropriate amount of time. I’ll also force myself to stop laughing or smiling if I feel like I do it too long. Or if someone is telling me something sad I try really hard to look sad and my face gets super twitchy and I get really anxious if I feel like I look like i’m not
being respectfully sad enough.",4.885088547815823,4.5491248760330585,6.267131050767414,80.91809917355373,68.83471074380165,9.228335301062572,31.33530106257379,8.841846274778883,2.362444155844156,454,17,96,7,7,155,78,121,0.17,0.624,0.20600000000000002,0.7041,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,0,1,5,0,6,2,2,2,1,24,19,17,0,6,11,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,11,9,7,18,2,7,0,3,4,0,3,3,0,10,7,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138283261885125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185601189544412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625313073482896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014979554359403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069177856279712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975571873359874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614014704740346,0.23473793742323126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166972221630475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528130233221334,0.0,0.14717177063887474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902896104416035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407917141912245,0.0,0.0,0.2907833563076561,0.4138872313330468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966500012301042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389815511667176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104970485196472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309180376440252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27840514697274105,0.1264786407776862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735398352857475,0.0,0.17175181315083074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484159163941053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871937939771522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914712453693212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957989506865224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115422776687271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElaraSophie,2019/06/07,"How to separate my feelings from his Hi,

My therapist said I would not have a strong border between my feelings and the feelings of other people. 

And today I experienced that. A not friend of mine who I ignore (because of reasons) (and my other friends ignore him too). Stood in front of my door and cryed because I ignore him. So I opened the door, because I knew the feeling he is going through, it came out I'm his fp and it really strong is hurting him. And now I don't know what to do... Unignore him and Potentialy get my friends against me, or live with his feeling...

Kind regards

Sophie",2.2027298850574693,4.607158525862072,3.438620689655174,87.6267816091954,80.1206896551724,5.59080459770115,27.77011494252873,6.816661863887847,1.4426459770114952,463,21,88,5,12,150,71,116,0.15,0.7609999999999999,0.09,-0.7503,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,0,27,19,10,0,1,3,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,7,11,0,3,8,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,4,7,22,6,13,14,0,8,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,1,2,67,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510697135017899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956274055679287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087022473641734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853294466594644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449470466446534,0.0,0.10029649398065256,0.0,0.1091010752988293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055080444391428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990739773032534,0.10550178858868872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951318296743004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330879491337782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298101078764807,0.197377314101073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826075986455703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289217109710754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196528090418976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637010554144013,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Serendipity0194,2019/06/07,"Anyone else completely obsessed with crime shows? So I've been a crime show fanatic for the past 7 years now. There's nothing I enjoy more than sitting in my room alone, binge watching crime shows. I don't like the fake plot ones like CSI, I only watch the investigation discovery shows that are based on true crime. (Sometimes serial killer documentaries too)

 Idk what it is but I get completely hooked on murder stories. If anyone were to see me actually watching a crime show, they'd probably get scared cuz I get so intense & so focused on the story 🤣

It's not that I'm obsessed with murder per se, but I'm highly sensitive and compassionate so I get soo worked up over innocent people dying. 

I love the psychology/criminology aspect of it so much that I'm even considering pursuing a Master's degree in criminology. 💗

Anybody else like that?",3.70525,6.376831025000001,5.19875,75.60125000000002,76.25,8.25,26.875,9.017664075816787,2.609562500000001,684,27,119,17,16,229,107,160,0.267,0.608,0.125,-0.9735,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,9,13,2,3,8,0,6,1,0,1,1,9,15,10,3,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,4,10,7,13,12,2,13,0,0,4,1,3,9,0,1,6,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.17259993630404133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318432915051003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916389376260592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473437059251221,0.18122456313300808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708903691661023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356348690501254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955049442464716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682119032720233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696298067801763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687322324367975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25922973964687984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963238577285882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002004959458258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971185979492326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985191865593772,0.1345178623413472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688427511800759,0.12261962250788612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190696139515548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770780638939464,0.0,0.1409427601258296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492928711749284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876371278026158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138986989277158
bpd,e19e69,2019/06/07,"i think i might have to leave my boyfriend. thoughts/advice/kind words? (CW suicide) Hey guys. I am really sad and scared and just feeling everything right now. I think I might have to leave my partner because he doesn't make me feel very good about myself but I don't know if that's just me being overly sensitive.

We went away for a little holiday about a month ago and he ended up just being on his phone and ignoring me the whole time and when I told him I thought it was a bit rude he called me a bitch and made me cry. He then proceeded to give me the silent treatment for the rest of that evening so I left the apartment, got a few drinks to make myself feel better (stupid, I know) and that was that. He then kept making jokes about how 'crazy' I acted when everything had blown over. I tried to kill myself when I got home from that holiday.

I feel like he constantly looks at other women and finds them more attractive than me. He's said in the past that his type is not me and so now I just don't feel like I'll ever measure up, but he tries to reassure me that that's not the case.

I don't know if this is legit and I should leave him or I'm just too sensitive and it's my illness talking. I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. I just honestly don't know what to do and I feel like an unstable mess and I was wondering if anyone else has ever been in the same boat? I don't want to be by myself. I find that so terrifying but equally I'm not sure I can deal with feeling so insecure and inadequate all the time anymore.

Love to you all,
x",1.9041298701298681,3.4620265515151547,3.3452164502164514,92.07068181818182,77.42424242424242,6.896103896103897,22.391774891774894,7.7094869923839395,0.7619956709956717,1222,35,279,18,28,401,169,330,0.175,0.7,0.125,-0.956,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,1,1,1,1,23,20,4,2,16,0,26,3,0,6,5,70,59,31,2,6,16,0,7,3,1,3,1,1,1,3,14,17,1,2,17,4,0,2,10,9,0,0,13,9,47,11,31,40,9,33,0,1,1,1,28,14,1,7,20,188,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789573899789986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833602713215764,0.0693321236841767,0.10159695617686176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316024941582336,0.0,0.0,0.060444527567363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769535206648803,0.108252581811534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124927905418672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715232208070556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891812043608336,0.0,0.10222539802082163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971350510482046,0.0,0.0,0.08283204647214429,0.0,0.08782271272859052,0.0,0.0,0.06549154898770923,0.1793844100791978,0.0,0.0,0.1782298918206452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509534817630691,0.21251102390181556,0.0,0.0,0.18125342624135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511939218163357,0.0,0.08316727999196538,0.15860809213202434,0.0,0.0,0.09817994855661466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946147090485226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970133261553444,0.10325563056269316,0.21797399855932326,0.0,0.0,0.3149754020260836,0.10773319554397894,0.0,0.0,0.14532771961664806,0.09938027950140517,0.0,0.0,0.0832659984586129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949208772471895,0.09382372754614217,0.26474938214825605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103775200336565,0.0,0.0,0.07914530812012761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465554390567348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352182040429638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467861259466336,0.09431998494184424,0.0,0.09927237227832504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846048114940517,0.0,0.09345327969590024,0.0,0.0,0.07969777130676638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270702176301632,0.0,0.07871872344162409,0.1156372269012852,0.0,0.0,0.09474772933163876,0.0,0.13464071975142616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181401718561797,0.11696945950976023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191852982234673,0.0,0.11070404190978553,0.0,0.0,0.10753036387243947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Schrodingers_Reality,2019/06/07,"It’s Friday! Another week down So everyone it’s Friday, hopefully we had a positive week.  Maybe you resisted splitting on your FP.  Maybe you managed to get 2 out 4 exercise sessions in.  Maybe you managed to get some DBT work done.  Did you make it out to socialize or maybe open up to someone new? 

Or maybe you had a catastrophic failure.  Maybe you went off on someone who didn’t deserve it (including yourself) What ever your week was like, good, bad or indifferent you made it through, and that in itself is forward movement.

Have a great weekend everyone.",2.587500000000002,5.490152750000004,3.8684615384615375,81.57653846153846,84.0,7.430769230769231,31.07692307692308,8.384062270229773,3.0812538461538463,442,24,77,11,13,144,68,104,0.10300000000000001,0.757,0.14,0.6476,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,9,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,13,14,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,0,10,4,14,6,1,19,0,0,0,0,12,11,0,5,8,51,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398403383690444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668742917374367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075897357480026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558049755550903,0.0,0.2441904442770845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351513017337724,0.0,0.0,0.10717225200970124,0.0,0.14087323542842953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691016859556353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062424786094785065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090452127370427,0.08529131740795998,0.0,0.7702075997770247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340663306102845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025130440537394,0.2165279873416915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30748204158493003,0.0,0.0,0.11844941716782705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302228098551717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VikaPika,2019/06/07,"Did anyones ""Quiet BPD"" became more outwards after being more self aware? I've been diagnosed with BPD about a year ago and I've always been the quiet type and would basicly never really get angry, and ever since diagnosed i've been reading up more and trying to understand myself more and notice the patterns and try to stop them.

But because it's not so simple and easy and because I keep falling into it but also knowing that I'm doing it and not being able to stop it, I started being really angry.

I'm extremely angry at myself and I get really angry at others for not helping me even tho my standards are unrealistic and it's been going on for 2 weeks now and I'm worried that it's only going to get worse now..

Did anyone else experience that and does it get better in terms of anger?",5.339810126582279,5.883201588607597,7.002379746835443,73.00053164556962,67.92405063291139,8.59848101265823,27.8253164556962,8.548686976883017,2.193468860759494,633,19,108,9,10,220,90,158,0.11900000000000001,0.767,0.114,0.2022,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,8,2,1,0,3,0,12,2,0,0,2,29,25,18,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,11,15,0,3,2,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,2,8,1,16,15,5,22,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,12,80,19,2,0.14355247878380092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272506109809013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479886541932352,0.11944716209743175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075046185403148,0.14708647876109684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501651732133802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696050181582158,0.0,0.0,0.3615986434708913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29140548841923697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562374156678766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991967577211697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481505836102874,0.12985143559445972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042186981158414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30000098101788875,0.0,0.16316836372201166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622020057239808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275960389810212,0.0,0.0,0.07889268811792663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071652136766952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343544855478045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917812883751933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435913261232811,0.0,0.2758901813406085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975654300381086,0.0,0.0,0.11874809388034425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160718334372773,0.0,0.0,0.2400326002355101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194925420124025,0.0,0.0,0.1494431930640118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514913952832764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578451040809315,0.14629223991205825,0.10197556220618473,0.0,0.0,0.09244308978387417
bpd,Heckintechin,2019/06/07,Not really sure what to call this but.. Its so odd for me when I come on this subreddit because all the things y'all are posting about kind of make me happy to know I'm not alone. I know that can sound bad but fir the longest time I thought my problems were just me. Id never met anyone else who was dealing with them and my parents always told me I was just being winey or a bad kid when I was younger. I'm really grateful for a place to vent and the great advice that some of you give. I hope that yall have an easier time of it one day.,3.762978208232447,3.372301593220339,4.8842857142857135,90.0690677966102,71.20338983050847,8.098789346246972,25.331719128329297,7.447530270364453,0.8997007263922514,420,10,101,4,7,139,81,118,0.109,0.726,0.165,0.8491,1,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,0,6,8,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,1,3,21,19,8,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,7,1,16,5,11,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,3,6,67,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800377058212516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081761680285345,0.0,0.0,0.15330287354070046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882525681833468,0.18877618737117047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076662803491752,0.11231131217902657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881301723316991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587068959697711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881989487996678,0.1899438882526884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390931493993132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674029692241286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312582597915496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612746165390765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829924097556807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185815201293,0.2025075452184137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298197911514587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420976486678627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484614591887325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457729633353813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249213193928055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764514913334463,0.0,0.0,0.1762932973696409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23605839233853515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364451162899602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240121620592337,0.0,0.0,0.1462663946365327,0.21486426005320775,0.0,0.0,0.17604971426669447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Xintani2,2019/06/07,"Being Single is So Painful A few months back he came around and after a while of being friends he says 


""I just want you here. I want to hold you.""
I was confused but flattered. 
Then later, he had gone out to a bar and told me that he had been wishing I was with him the entire night. I told him he just wanted to sleep with me, that he didn't have feelings for me. And he said that he wanted to sleep with me because he has feelings for me. 


Well FINALLY! This is what I'd wanted! Right? 


...No. 


In the months since he ended our first fling, he had started drinking profusely. He started talking badly about women, bragging about all the babes he's sleeping with, having public mental breakdowns. And worst of all, when he was drunk he would call me his slut, tell me that he hated me and wanted to kill me in one moment and that I'm cute and he can't get me off his mind in the next. 


He isn't the man I met. He is a child. A dangerous and cancerous one, at that. 


A few more months of verbal abuse and threats as toxicity between us rises and I finally break the chains and walk away. 


But why do I feel this awful sense of doom? There are times I even feel *regret*. I haven't cried over it. Not once. I'm not wallowing as I used to either. I'm eating and sleeping (though poorly). I'm going out with friends. But there is a hole, an infection, that lingers on in me stretching from my chest and leaking to my abdomen that I sometimes feel will swallow me whole. 


I love men. I need men. And that's completely natural. But why does my heart know that I made a mistake as solidly as my mind knows it was right? I feel vulnerable in the world without a man acting as a rock. And I'm 24 years old now. I'm tired of being a child. 


I need advice on how to get through this as a woman. Any tips, tricks, etcetera on how to heal from a fresh end in the right way. This guy is in similar social circles and I'm going to run into them eventually. I need to heal completely before that happens so that I don't get sucked up into his toxicity again. 


Thank you for reading this whole thing.",1.2092441860465115,3.2760834182242995,2.7661595305368394,92.9588448163443,81.64018691588784,5.383264507715714,21.16844164312106,6.503187473535588,0.2326111062812428,1605,48,352,15,43,525,210,428,0.14800000000000002,0.76,0.092,-0.9858,0,0,1,0,1,1,58.0,2,3,1,1,19,21,6,1,22,1,28,20,7,4,2,68,73,34,1,13,10,0,6,0,2,2,6,2,0,10,21,27,5,1,8,5,1,8,9,14,1,3,16,8,46,7,58,52,10,59,1,2,0,2,54,25,1,1,24,229,67,1,0.0,0.10024523937270792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267679926622153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753553469150239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531800198943166,0.0,0.0,0.07949088667352791,0.06505741736361294,0.07064315551395799,0.051575528414977485,0.0,0.07199416697782544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863930165230508,0.0967676555021269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741726916466766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293661215561108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740399929325266,0.0,0.0,0.0828824673969658,0.0,0.08657389265604679,0.0,0.0,0.14987304883029734,0.0,0.0,0.05588200258480154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566784833179818,0.0,0.0,0.1853652579913259,0.0,0.07196651261717386,0.0,0.0,0.13073402896809344,0.0,0.13261070461653054,0.0,0.09616800412179127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377404754995289,0.07481752604615563,0.0,0.0,0.08353171244830421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002594817472131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360490395375966,0.0,0.09299538443652934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636095274659889,0.08005701294732234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526376859947586,0.0,0.17085752654130446,0.0,0.20259705479437864,0.0,0.0,0.18820464120406535,0.0,0.0,0.0899803063450625,0.07939776335095194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878061871015766,0.0901034954547322,0.1146635333772143,0.0,0.09002761513250819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846297096292713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676127016542732,0.08048045471191632,0.06728273422159309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998763069779597,0.0,0.3386716634118645,0.08624599190613189,0.0,0.0,0.0836783022624362,0.0,0.11977027658683367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800375210248058,0.07395008447833648,0.07789458688509081,0.0,0.0,0.05620900764113145,0.0,0.0831257650096963,0.0,0.04933491353067272,0.09724308632543514,0.0,0.16169087270812202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017715796678945,0.07307312218199581,0.0,0.0,0.29941974528166804,0.06715695069036566,0.0,0.0,0.07607168649752216,0.0,0.15268897945596765,0.1889209723016814,0.09729366042386672,0.08155794932501964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010225305239979,0.0,0.0,0.054484014159219316
bpd,j_g04,2019/06/07,"DAE feel like they could commit a really bad crime when they split, potentially even murder, without feeling remorseful? When I am feeling fine I am really kind and empathetic, but when I split I turn into a really nasty person, always looking to inflict emotional pain and suffering on those closest to me. Sometimes when I’m feeling really down I fantasise about committing violent acts against people I hate, and I genuinely believe that I wouldn’t feel remorseful afterwards. 

Does anyone else feel like this? It’s such a start difference between the two personalities and I get so wound up because I can never tell which, if either of the personalities is true.",7.66121794871795,9.364163102564106,8.166741452991456,62.55985576923082,63.27350427350429,12.003846153846155,36.84722222222222,11.698219412168324,5.221496581196583,541,26,79,18,8,179,84,117,0.263,0.573,0.165,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,8,11,3,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,4,21,18,11,1,3,4,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,7,13,5,11,16,1,13,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,1,9,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315785140683147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034934406005582,0.15165579807109314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358384798337273,0.09022674903075804,0.0,0.0,0.16675885271809124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817554814542848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464105032622338,0.0,0.0,0.12952630958643166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364504396890436,0.1664935922061103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776053833102083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490359247429781,0.2114796226285297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773301675680816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461312193360662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413173433128433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462238587770004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429281273392392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415598870200287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574952169377989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261289302687576,0.3877151407135221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792811411228555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638766503379586,0.0,0.10476366427112092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936902283084695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099456689599825,0.14458622923968334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267829824259962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,-CosmicSock-,2019/06/07,"DAE split when it comes to music taste? One day you find a band or genre and absolutely fall in love, listening to it all the time. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere you start to despise the band/genre to the point of listening pissing you off. Just out of nowhere, everything about the music starts to sound bad and becomes extremely annoying.",6.445,6.9054066818181825,6.041969696969698,81.13295454545455,65.51515151515152,10.236363636363636,33.16666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.12910303030303,275,11,54,6,4,85,44,66,0.157,0.7829999999999999,0.06,-0.7294,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,3,5,3,0,6,0,0,3,1,0,2,10,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,4,3,1,14,6,2,14,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,7,34,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748403395486625,0.0,0.3635386190909423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835478566422178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228520861554345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958336914496853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008522847942989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970856840757615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305178907966725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31116880796620416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659715898231439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193967607654366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayy8u8efj,2019/06/07,"Reconnecting to old friends after an episode? Can anyone advise me, or relate to this?

I  have friends from years ago that I was crazy around. (I think) they were  good friends at the time but I was full on  crazy/paranoid/anxious/delusional. I have had zero social contact  outside of one or two for a few years, so basically I cut everyone off.  But now I'm more stable. Thing is if I'm back in contact with them I  feel like they could think I'm crazy and secretly be mocking me. Which  they could because I was weird. But that kind of thing was part of my  paranoia at the time. It's a weird circle of paranoia, and I'm not sure if I'm better to just move on and make new connections.

Idk if my post makes sense, but I hope someone can relate or offer me some advise. Thanks to anyone who read :)",2.0160455486542475,4.012479962732918,3.1078012422360253,91.89843064182196,78.56521739130434,5.784016563146997,23.15569358178054,6.742157984588678,0.5709176811594205,618,20,132,6,15,198,99,161,0.138,0.691,0.171,0.8376,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,1,5,14,2,0,5,0,14,0,0,2,1,28,26,14,0,6,12,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,4,0,3,6,1,18,10,19,17,5,20,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,8,11,90,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279102830090765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197879086482352,0.0,0.22526701175777925,0.0,0.0,0.1433986924149024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238634633874342,0.0,0.09819516104998613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246548969891645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572245394401803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392242962726585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144878582945682,0.11507826573536192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733587252643881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135109409926299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999251365028316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774394110569876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869738533886908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504931268558256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712065373482097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555756929728189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903030216612755,0.0,0.10915452029829613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443800761744774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427370825637665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112734511987226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420460100761752,0.13648574166201582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181953139035292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830427800100646,0.0,0.0,0.2140337763821324,0.20643193001955035,0.0,0.0,0.18785846421399813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735542085153678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746531191954246
bpd,Sintics,2019/06/07,"Hiding it I’ve just recently discovered that I have BPD, but I feel like I have a weird case of it. Growing up I’d always lash out against my parents and such showing I guess what would be considered ‘normal’ actions of someone with BPD. Yelling, screaming, threatening with suicidal thoughts, occasionally there were small instances of physical violence. This lasted till about midway through middle school. Since then though, I’ve somehow learned to shut all of that off when I’m around people. I become this stoic, bland person, who shares nothing about themself. I’m clearly afraid of getting close to someone and being abandoned, or feeling judged possibly as well. 
Anyways, I had pretty much no close friends all the way through high school. Dropped some college courses multiple times and was pretty much on the verge of giving up.

Around that time I started talking to my former HS teacher on an app and suddenly word vomited everything wrong with my life. Long story short, he’s now my FP and we spend so much time together. I feel so had for him. I’m fine in person cause I’m so good at hiding it. But he’ll say things that cause my mind to run different directions, and when we’re done spending time together and I’m alone, it all spills out. I text him saying he doesn’t like me, or I’ll call him a jerk or a liar, I’ll come at him from every angle to prove the things I’m saying and I make him feel guilty. I don’t want to do these things, but I feel like I can’t stop myself. Then when I come to, I feel horrible. I say I hate myself and I’m so sorry. It’s an endless cycle and I feel so sorry that he deals with this. I’m never like this in person. For some reason, texting has become my medium. I know I’m irrational, but when I’m by myself I let it all out, and texting my negative thoughts is so easy to do. I’m so emotional by myself it’s hard. 

We just found out that I have BPD together last month. I’m so grateful for him putting up with me and he’s glad he’s stuck around too. Once we found out about BPD everything finally made sense. He’s been doing lots of research and seems to be the only person that cares. I know it’s tough on him and I’m trying so hard not to be a ticking time bomb. I don’t know where I’m going with this now. I’m just terrified of taking that step to get help. I feel so alone. My parents aren’t doing anything to help. Only my FP is. I’m 21. I just want to start my life",1.5225636464263133,3.739850989919361,2.9529411764705884,91.21362745098041,81.43951612903227,5.906325110689437,22.830328905755852,7.128822416839037,0.7955979285262491,1905,65,399,25,51,620,230,496,0.17300000000000001,0.6829999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.9526,4,2,0,0,1,0,53.0,3,0,0,0,34,20,3,1,10,0,27,3,0,5,7,89,77,40,1,4,12,2,10,4,1,2,3,6,0,4,27,35,0,2,19,1,2,8,9,9,1,0,12,16,51,11,60,58,10,64,0,1,0,0,36,28,0,9,30,240,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634000834383834,0.0,0.0,0.0587847814289048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058137270490822276,0.1886750495965127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605029360172673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559146462447745,0.0,0.07213948966041406,0.0,0.0720303272089797,0.14514987904710178,0.0,0.12171396367682595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283496843081802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381210568000428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229741516439182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946947202593457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952397278202527,0.0,0.12698770359926326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857739439071108,0.10094186648173213,0.0,0.07739141223699124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492373389971253,0.054582456491096776,0.0,0.07382131056076714,0.06777198290092994,0.040150876877621235,0.05925617635118419,0.0,0.0,0.07782671830574889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657343235426394,0.06975025701149494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470770774913903,0.07464347298575656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647885171775345,0.11517507097003775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722423492643173,0.09980151954144137,0.13806014389555593,0.0,0.0,0.06252124187875835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006238883356535,0.0,0.06684882980346074,0.047158077308046234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133432345218392,0.0,0.05639054608721325,0.0,0.15580318931296955,0.0,0.054488079874666695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922002344827767,0.06778864516852763,0.0,0.0,0.07523779629791638,0.0,0.107461949331124,0.0,0.0,0.15689244920892534,0.0,0.0,0.04897841606903744,0.2467483752833883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964498588771955,0.0,0.14374879443674768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102073611668068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263789302902307,0.06975636027242561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472844704562248,0.0,0.14299906122060901,0.0,0.0643152704591273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844074167422346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971961363399194,0.0,0.0,0.15816926608378432,0.10001001211892528,0.0,0.0,0.05906487727664286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727742687682386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311849103921215,0.056784172715596035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408061422812215,0.0,0.06941128469372301,0.1121732142459777,0.20597703540041332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796534306768024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334002171385978,0.05607708058972508,0.0,0.0,0.0635210212861829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018630020268305,0.07724247901074208,0.0,0.0
bpd,reirei20,2019/06/07,"How dare you How can you simply hurt the ones you love? 
How can you unlove and discard someone this quick?
How can you be this promiscuous?
How can you lie this much ? 

She said she loved me, she said it. Then two weeks later it’s gone. Over me",-1.03682222222222,0.8641283400000006,0.028666666666666174,104.75211111111112,105.6,3.0222222222222217,11.555555555555555,5.033348758259628,-1.7239111111111112,187,3,45,1,9,57,31,50,0.113,0.735,0.151,0.6468,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,6,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,5,0,6,10,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,2,11,2,1,6,1,6,0,1,0,2,13,1,0,0,4,34,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179150290846395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5360582577674537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183088379061243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012361413811311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5649773972879599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25162369758529085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29009882166154816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382132957946635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nat20yearold,2019/06/07,"Memory Issues   Do you guys have a horrible time trying to remember things? Like I'm talking about things that could have been a few days ago or even a few minutes ago.
  I got a brain scan because of how bad my memory has been, but it came up normal. My psychiatrist said it could be sleep related, but I get a fine amount of sleep. I literally have to carry around a notepad to write down anything important, and I call it ""My Brain"". Bpd thing? Maybe?",2.7078932584269686,4.728740505617981,3.995941011235957,86.22851825842697,76.52808988764046,8.045505617977529,23.484550561797754,8.841846274778883,1.6453247191011242,351,11,73,8,8,115,62,89,0.053,0.867,0.079,0.2937,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,10,4,4,1,0,12,15,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,8,2,9,7,3,8,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,5,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004924606518432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947914432007666,0.15088562093413024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152043472907733,0.10332198709933514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347179653472328,0.3784227835702762,0.17307235452531233,0.19385601584103573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706543811475779,0.0,0.0,0.10930962703349917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194920784321348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855363472239278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555985883793814,0.0,0.0,0.16782573686054014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690773070030255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280622126170634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027953401859836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660681617638988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200369435655912,0.0,0.1612276356450952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392328718031063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623288046426407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33781290512247386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988333315433896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507532004198735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soapydinky,2019/06/07,"fake smiles this isn't meant to be promotion or anything of that nature I just made a quick song so I thought I'd share. I tend to try my hardest to hold all of my emotions back from everyone, whether it's from my parents or from my closest friends I just can't seem to express the way I feel because I don't want to make anyone sad or feel sorry for me and I also don't want them to know I feel the way I do in case for whatever reason they end up thinking less of me. I guess from holding everything in sometimes you're bound to explode and that happened last night and I stupidly made an Instagram post explaining how I'm too exhausted to keep going and even though I made it clear that I would never kill myself I understand how people got worried about me and someone ended up telling my guidance counselor at school and she called my parents to make sure everything was okay. I know in a musical sense, though it's not bad it's also not the best but I think it does a good job capturing what I explained in this post. I would appreciate if anyone were to listen to it <3 

[https://soundcloud.com/trevorjamesmcrae/fake-smiles](https://soundcloud.com/trevorjamesmcrae/fake-smiles)",6.385171898355753,7.653218488789243,5.870780269058298,79.4511629297459,65.90582959641256,8.278505231689088,31.010164424514198,8.447377352677275,2.222410702541107,965,36,178,13,15,296,133,223,0.071,0.8220000000000001,0.107,0.8563,3,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,2,14,12,2,0,7,1,10,1,0,8,4,50,38,19,1,5,10,2,3,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,12,6,0,4,14,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,8,5,31,6,28,27,3,20,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,6,7,119,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755056213607452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398621115406342,0.0,0.09649756284960397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901681071845796,0.09790981376709458,0.0714825144107866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306041823975156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973876445649595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261775350491444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190523577569838,0.2077206516741983,0.0,0.0,0.07745119008633686,0.0,0.0,0.1120499439720189,0.21077707649056612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787528258642354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905972017824067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664333795265809,0.09835474822606756,0.0937860356246426,0.0,0.12917855581598026,0.0,0.10369539679249556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636556050831955,0.10422885605104104,0.12973427711604069,0.0,0.1288894968682552,0.0955851001931138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328716209544237,0.1565480969602125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044055332955353,0.0,0.0,0.11004350197351484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604136529002781,0.0,0.0,0.08129548812653839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461132413700524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205660256949539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867654588073966,0.0,0.106751947604741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993566677919647,0.0,0.11597623196833247,0.13126647128372804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105191103554008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249314242346147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502749550454664,0.2304208556974363,0.09309382518613514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961396653472,0.0,0.0,0.12207505171844447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832966211391184,0.1861560256594278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908639853668775,0.0,0.1666007233264247,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slayer_2000,2019/06/07,"Sometimes I feel like I have been cursed with BPD as a process of human evolution because we are becoming over populated and my illness will eventually make me push everyone away and I’ll never be in a relationship so I won’t ever create life Or even want to have children because I’m afraid I’m going to just ruin them from the start. I don’t believe I’ll ever feel fully happy, with myself or anyone else. 

Anyone else get these out of control thoughts?",6.7763333333333335,6.532183966666674,7.687777777777778,72.005,64.8888888888889,9.866666666666667,34.66666666666667,9.3871,3.224600000000001,367,15,65,6,5,124,68,90,0.073,0.812,0.115,0.3933,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,2,3,18,18,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,2,9,2,12,13,0,10,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556562465344506,0.3746300429771695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176020599307182,0.0,0.0,0.22288399980090207,0.20190421152218527,0.0,0.20596929677332876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302484165862971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050419654275985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054360514081383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207472287319109,0.3307322964499856,0.0,0.17468705386069905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487297103525588,0.13060268898684282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551301159577652,0.0,0.10389767235671196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946093954210974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912726177342942,0.08931391236922101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203007371564435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409977841186285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962743169967664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080817858750767,0.0,0.1293970179430176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513426315009945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782870691242626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jiggly_pufff,2019/06/07,Trying to resist reentering old FP’s life As the title says lately I’ve been trying to resist the urge to reenter my old FP’s life n it’s been really hard for me. About a little over a year ago I broke things off with him after my mom had passed bc I had just felt alone and that he wasn’t really supportive but looking back I feel like he did the best he could I just always want more... but in between that time I had got into a new relationship that was very toxic for me but I never stop thinking about him. I’ve known him since I was 14 (I’m 22 now) He was my first everything and will always be my most favorite and cherished person rather if he is in my life or not. But I really want him in it but I’m scared I don’t want to be that toxic person in his life.. the one that comes back and fucks everything up for him. He probably moved on I don’t even know his social media is private and I’m to scared to add him on anything. I know I should move on but I’m having the hardest time letting go. I don’t really know what I should do. Bc even if I stay away I just want to stop thinking about him so much.,0.6380407944176056,2.353284584362143,2.8069779924852405,93.75574879227057,81.75720164609055,5.872177491501162,17.561102164966897,6.895973343053719,-0.1365614957953123,866,17,203,10,23,294,120,243,0.069,0.804,0.127,0.9177,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,13,8,1,2,8,0,24,5,0,0,1,42,45,16,0,10,14,1,3,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,9,9,0,2,8,0,0,5,6,4,0,2,12,5,32,4,29,26,4,35,0,1,1,1,21,13,1,4,17,134,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654896551027912,0.0,0.0,0.11280588487508438,0.0,0.0,0.18125649605527694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962998316263894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233176045077952,0.16750196979288914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430240193741338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382295060389978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696191729382463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387822155019767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195776403662792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507205955076348,0.0778108235627544,0.10457806843666498,0.0,0.0,0.09264533631213293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006926545877884,0.0,0.0,0.061900436469140487,0.0,0.08711143106306828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756886172133776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957495131997728,0.0,0.12286390485768885,0.0,0.0,0.11137572324129696,0.3077271581753151,0.0532116844681573,0.1091641447853613,0.0,0.0,0.09146343275584334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756308880692133,0.0,0.23152454697269725,0.0800670385618431,0.0,0.0840040414780372,0.10519338920521654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285815993934652,0.0,0.07380544941074751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020546144791847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743169767889527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27910185942056165,0.0,0.0,0.11693684385988465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661572324781262,0.2180912284599508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009784339806036,0.0,0.0,0.11102787442572704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609177164355568,0.0,0.18212014121456085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359851033438793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236007730963985,0.13958012298697925,0.0,0.0,0.12702156849791396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478959316545504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986850572699945,0.256969915509412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013942501656416
bpd,smallsadpeanut,2019/06/07,"I'm always ok until a nighttime alone I can do things by myself all day in fact i love running errands and doing things on my own during the day. As soon as nighttime hits and I'm by myself i start to lose it. I try not to spend a lot of nights on my own (i am over at my bf's frequently) but on the nights I am alone, if i have nothing to do, i am immediately swallowed up by a sense of loneliness and start to panic. i really don't find pleasure in watching tv and so i kind of sit here overwhelmed with a feeling of rejection even if i wasn't rejected. I have 1 friend outside of work that i texted but he was hanging out with someone else. there is a girl at work who i thought about texting but i knew she had to get up early for her shift tomorrow and it's already late. honestly i just want more human connection i feel like an empty body with no attachments on this earth. i try to reach out to people when i feel this way because i know i can start to want to self harm when it gets really bad but tonight there was no one to reach out to. at least i am not doing that tonight i am eating an entire bar of chocolate. maybe not super good for me either but whatever. Sorry for the rant i am feeling trapped in my own head rn and needed someone to talk to.",2.23892547353514,3.4415759479553927,3.969283058948488,89.4199504337051,75.76579925650556,6.908196140909897,25.077181802088862,7.447530270364453,1.0467152062311915,986,33,220,12,21,332,147,269,0.209,0.6970000000000001,0.095,-0.9907,1,4,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,10,16,0,2,10,1,20,6,2,0,2,38,39,19,0,5,12,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,10,12,3,0,8,2,1,2,7,7,0,1,6,5,33,9,48,32,8,37,0,4,1,1,11,16,0,3,18,157,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777306717552245,0.14795943385791316,0.0,0.11156441099055876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195030646212577,0.08173327153912274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893146582141326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729396361604956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371962187129174,0.11200574177544792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855786904719659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27117734346775285,0.09578601471829848,0.0,0.0,0.1225457134053246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358904908427186,0.0,0.14010141453402594,0.0,0.0,0.11245904554681113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760366443501862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396225734632229,0.0736862737195795,0.0,0.15124687363776332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550419283946653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000002713420954,0.0,0.11398911197801613,0.12101146954049315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470030709065742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994178280358504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516479869812768,0.0,0.12865234991511088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085535327674464,0.0,0.0,0.1573127359876175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295344827642547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178879229315308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987356600882914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272092853700081,0.0,0.0,0.15009038545790776,0.2847052712622737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776756549249716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815216734233544,0.0,0.0,0.1064436940316392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206158523452806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816645411350247,0.10642561414690507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522211650962765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chelslucc,2019/06/07,"Seeing graduation posts and struggling Because of my self identity struggles, i have spent the last 6 years trying to complete a school program. 

I've attended 2 universities, 2 colleges, and have done courses online. I have changed my program 4 times and I only have 4 more courses to graduate one of them (HR diploma) 

Seeing people (especially those younger than me) posting about their graduation really messes me with me. I just feel like such a failure. My parents have called me a drop out more times than i can count because they don't understand why i can't follow through with a program. I'm smart when i apply myself but having the energy and focus is such a struggle that i scare myself into dropping out. 

Even when i eventually graduate, i can't see myself doing the same job every day. It's terrifying.",6.519602649006625,7.706148013245034,7.256615894039736,69.93101655629141,65.55629139072848,9.483708609271524,35.62980132450331,9.642632912329526,3.7261438410596015,654,31,104,13,10,217,99,151,0.139,0.816,0.044000000000000004,-0.9246,2,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,0,7,7,0,4,8,0,13,0,0,0,0,14,21,7,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,5,0,1,2,4,23,2,13,19,3,16,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,8,75,26,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364076128588076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218165866090364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801949523699602,0.0,0.16652866253684148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243124425342508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253670165192755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049047276417056,0.0,0.13381986317506106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030846288748414,0.1134671135836867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761278062211678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946642770996833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759558335297967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762630348759007,0.12079623287811625,0.0,0.0,0.17636025541526576,0.0,0.0,0.11011168493224344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304227601377969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017496054348727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901503838545816,0.16074292350058575,0.3796972575606649,0.0,0.16569276682358086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981261070515165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522835359411088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783412709979803,0.0,0.0,0.16534607199831386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331801888641246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022803479085454
bpd,3929485,2019/06/07,"PTSD/Agoraphobia Along with my BPD, I struggle with agoraphobia and PTSD. It's ruining my life. Literally, not hyperbolically, not in the BPD-Downward-Spiral sense, literally ruining my life. I will likely lose my job because I keep taking time off. Can't leave the house without my boyfriend. Blew off therapy for weeks. I'm so lonely and isolated but I can't fucking do it. I can't be anywhere on my own. I used to be more independent but a triggering situation happened and it's consuming my life again. 

I even try to make friends online but I don't have social media - I had a group of friends I played an online game with but the ""leader"" of our group was an abusive, toxic asshole and I finally had enough called him out and I'm being ostracized. I'm a hermit even in the online world. 

Everything is so overwhelming. I haven't been showering regularly. I only eat if my boyfriend makes food/takes me to get something. I can't even pick out clothes for myself - I just wear the same outfit, or rotate through 2-3 if I'm washing my regular clothes. 

I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday but she recommended I get another therapist closer to me... the fucking abandonment trigger is real, guys. I have been seeing her for years and I know her advice is purely based on my own therapeutic needs (I do need someone closer to me who I can see 2-3 times a week) but it still (illogically) hurts. 

Help.",2.4108700980392115,5.038958738970592,4.43129411764706,79.44115686274512,81.09558823529412,7.744313725490196,27.08137254901961,8.648137234880735,2.492821666666667,1115,49,206,28,30,380,150,272,0.098,0.831,0.07,-0.7326,2,2,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,0,1,8,14,2,2,13,0,24,8,1,7,1,41,43,17,0,4,13,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,1,1,5,13,1,2,1,2,0,0,9,10,0,0,5,2,41,4,26,34,5,21,0,7,2,2,15,12,2,3,10,139,46,1,0.0,0.1373183483523494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132526750730387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152753889030735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064940361918616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919350573502761,0.0,0.118343239163858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859100765635495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197520197058674,0.0,0.22964554762654896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416026124290204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695890213119665,0.0,0.0,0.1401424541445343,0.0,0.1790826281994428,0.21428881133541128,0.12110222919800125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147557122546274,0.10248685292943747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768295119342543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372894920155676,0.1240695527428055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150093490623567,0.10301409485401206,0.0,0.0,0.06369366104128757,0.0,0.0,0.12271761234881205,0.0,0.0,0.24558328215808706,0.056621154048009686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296584886464633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472356812183713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187150661124814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814447697490548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709535091185031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191553943118645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470893989031545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027247196080793,0.0,0.11814184129510355,0.09819869072810176,0.0892227537061644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255505914835528,0.0,0.0,0.1211601392070564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713971111617441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325376974500488,0.2691294353305011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516031054502836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868608570639561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009732641441482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593029182502102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172004741968207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463351758913471
bpd,Bluegreenbananas,2019/06/07,"Did my ex have BPD? My and my ex broke up about 3.5 years ago, but our relationship still troubles me to this day.

The first couple of months of being together, everything was magical. Slowly, he started to behave strangely and irrationally, but he had a rough upbringing, so I figured he was having trouble regulating his emotions. He often felt bad after getting so angry, so I forgave him and we’d move on.


When we started going to college together, it got much worse. He was VERY controlling over everything I did and obsessed with the idea that I was out to “make him look bad.” His anger was terrifying, and he knew he needed help. He suspected he might have been bipolar because of his crazy mood swings. He asked me to go to therapy with him to tell his therapists what was going on because it was almost like he’d black out when he’d get in a rage. He was so put together in front of the therapists that they really thought he was just depressed. 

One day, I asked him what happens to him when he gets so angry because his eyes would dilate and it was like talking to another person. He described it like there being an angel and a devil on his shoulder, the devil would take over and take pleasure in his inability to calm down and rationalize. It was an incredibly disturbing description.

When his rages were over, he’d cry hysterically because he felt so guilty. Or so I thought. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if he was manipulating me into feeling bad for him.

It got to be so extreme that his voice would change when he got angry—almost a demonic voice. He would profess his undying love for me one day, and the next he would tell me hated me...over small things. He told me he hated me for using a pen instead of a pencil on math homework because it was idiotic, that I was an extension of him, and by extension I was making him look bad.

Once when I tried to break up with him, he fell on the floor and looked like he was convulsing. Proclaiming, “I knew I’d make you leave me. I knew I would do this, I knew I’d lose you.”

Eventually, we did break up, and for about 3 months, he drunk texted me every weekend and did end up in the hospital after a suicide attempt.

Is this BPD or something else? I’m still looking for an answer that can bring me peace.

TL;DR: I think my ex might have had BPD because of his intense rage, splitting, and fear of abandonment. Thoughts?",4.786794006479481,5.851483269978408,5.675706668466521,80.1410114065875,69.43196544276458,8.724865010799135,30.451471382289423,9.017664075816787,2.4955356911447084,1866,74,360,34,32,613,209,463,0.273,0.6509999999999999,0.076,-0.9991,0,0,1,0,0,1,56.0,4,2,1,4,22,31,7,3,18,0,47,5,2,6,1,63,89,34,1,8,6,3,4,4,0,8,1,2,1,1,18,23,1,2,15,2,0,8,1,22,0,3,38,12,59,8,53,36,1,55,4,4,6,1,67,22,0,7,27,235,77,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672965447099066,0.0,0.1507606498874842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893584173123996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407500626634579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25141688252863764,0.27533364997332416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28443108072321605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796344402268002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443099368477915,0.0,0.08329398660508515,0.08268965737353035,0.14564479174902425,0.0,0.0648370735037805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288534465070368,0.08467793444796763,0.06667421358416413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342519884458324,0.0,0.1353105307855466,0.0,0.0,0.08470899523566668,0.03806296095877914,0.0,0.1445579107997652,0.0,0.0,0.06403166774271822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179893851783934,0.0,0.12834714640467554,0.0,0.1806207554246615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665683356730609,0.0,0.0,0.14864343603593494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045744525571837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498001684952458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797088307263834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710866344814352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285918838263777,0.08421714150030635,0.0,0.0,0.06794158806606959,0.0,0.1507465122335183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971672097375778,0.0,0.0,0.12017281210827288,0.08000889983329698,0.055338198493472684,0.05581789184515976,0.0,0.0,0.08005930633215252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016891292351053,0.10202102345117348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573009174067038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567546485488266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822519470538044,0.0,0.0,0.08082070216347913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795289882182345,0.07445214521155538,0.0,0.10656471012646332,0.0,0.12023466560866593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234222174331035,0.0,0.0709488893817398,0.0,0.11319979830054665,0.06050583113631509,0.13159307201813206,0.0,0.08608727540169442,0.1748077736655355,0.05001154523869408,0.04823528314732628,0.0,0.1792876404093681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193162390229484,0.0,0.051109011706203564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650162653478922,0.0,0.062112465973014036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671499999779234,0.3208531878023768,0.0,0.0,0.04847674515633196
bpd,vgnQT,2019/06/07,"How do I take better care of myself I’ve been working incredibly long hours and at the moment I unfortunately have no other option. How can I manage my stress and stop staying up so late? It’s almost like I stress procrastinate on sleeping and I just end up even more tired and stressed. To be fair I feel like I’ve been handling work quite well but when it comes to taking care of myself (chores, going to bed on time, eating healthy and drinking enough water) I am failing miserably. Why am I so shit at taking care of myself? Why do I procrastinate on taking care of myself? Help",2.407894736842106,4.913615315789478,3.744824561403508,85.13460526315791,80.05263157894737,5.5543859649122815,20.903508771929825,6.816661863887847,0.5455929824561405,462,13,87,5,12,151,72,114,0.198,0.579,0.223,0.5409,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,8,14,1,4,1,0,9,6,2,2,0,14,20,11,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,6,3,1,1,1,0,2,1,6,1,0,2,1,14,8,14,17,2,18,0,2,0,0,1,7,1,2,10,58,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646535278616358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169691665267988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150612311516838,0.0,0.0,0.10879123143133868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372019092595925,0.0,0.12923044963550062,0.0,0.0,0.1118591349792442,0.1304956223678675,0.0,0.08341609807540185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385811933459426,0.09022456935741284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177587856989896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465230973354547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437430236619458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246530749561848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340188925130754,0.0,0.0,0.11176635267037552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343293793856289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963913491091766,0.0,0.0,0.12638536283507776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461276494562968,0.0,0.1055875684129136,0.43400858254022295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798299473525859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364313724031299,0.14515655221495985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355361239978848,0.0,0.22792166164775335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388729756557007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skyesthelimit666,2019/06/07,"My abusive ex contacted me So, I got an email yesterday from my ex boyfriend. He’s blocked on my phone, on all forms of social media, and yet he still found a way to email me. When I saw his name in my email, I started shaking. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. He would always threaten to leave me, near the end he hit me, yelled at me. We went to couple therapy and he lied the whole time. When we met, I had just turned 19 and was undiagnosed and in the throes of my alcoholism and drug abuse and working in the television industry. He was 34 and I was absolutely enthralled with him and he took advantage of that. I’ve been sober for 3.5 years now and during that time, I’ve been to treatment and therapy and have a sponsor in AA and yet, even still, we were on and off for five years. I know he’s a narcissistic personality type because he made it very clear that he is intelligent, important, can do no no wrong, and doesn’t need me. He demoralized me and abandoned me over and over. This last time, we were going to couples therapy and he walked out on our home and lease, everything we had built. He left a note on the table and ignored my calls out of the clear blue sky. Every time he leaves me, he comes back about a year later and tries to continue the cycle again. It’s worked before. Not this time.

Normally, I would be planning how to see him and talk to him but since I’ve been doing to much work on my mental health and have recognized the patterns of abuse and the trauma, I know I cannot see him. I know I cannot talk to him. I know it would only hurt me.

And further more, I don’t love him anymore. I don’t even like him. I disassociated when I read his email. I’m terrified of this man. I’m in a really healthy, simpatico relationship now with someone who loves me, understands me and we get along wonderfully. We live together and are so happy. I can’t even imagine doing something to compromise it.

It’s just that this email has sent me spinning in so many ways. It brought back painful memories, a lot of confusion, fear, and oddly I feel like it is a big secret that I am keeping. I feel guilt and shame. It’s such an odd experience. And yet. I still feel like... somehow obsessed with this email. He asked me if I wanted to get coffee. He worded it in a way that seems kind of manipulative though... he said,

 “I just wanted to reach out and say hi, and see if you think it’d be a good idea to have a coffee or something sometime and talk.  

For myself, I feel like I’d like to hear how you are doing, and talk through any residual negative feelings, if you have any.  Maybe you feel like stuff between us was resolved enough, or as much as it could be — I just wanted to say that if there is anything you would want to talk about, I feel like I could do that, and I feel like it could be helpful for me.  It might just be a selfish thing where I feel like maybe it would help me to see you on some kind of normal terms, I don’t know.  If it doesn’t make sense to you, no worries. 

Feel free to respond or not. Sorry if this message is disruptive to you in any way. I hope you are happy and healthy.”

Anyways, I just had to get this off my chest. I have felt like I’m walking through a dreamlike state for the past few days. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling that I can’t even properly express it. I guess I’m just ranting. And I don’t know why I feel the need to apologize to him or prove something to him or whatever. As nice as his email sounds, I can read between the lines. And borderlines are not always the abusive ones. I know that I was a perfect candidate for a narcissist who wanted someone to control. 

Sorry for the rant... but if anyone has had an experience like this and know what it feels like, I am so sorry. Because this is an uncomfortable situation and whiles it’s common sense to just ignore it, it feels so much more complicated.",2.8243770192442774,4.284242180783817,4.105149599662877,87.99351313386715,74.72692793931729,7.398960528164067,25.324202837477173,8.063377724922532,1.3140866132883833,3019,101,657,47,63,992,312,791,0.124,0.7340000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.9661,0,0,5,0,3,0,99.0,9,9,0,8,42,42,1,7,35,0,66,7,1,6,5,154,136,69,0,25,25,2,16,13,0,6,4,6,1,2,45,54,1,6,34,2,1,10,17,16,1,2,27,28,98,27,83,93,13,77,0,2,6,2,89,29,0,21,46,441,143,6,0.0,0.2313909278074352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217735438142988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124994111979802,0.0,0.0,0.09960473562738707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048419682356140734,0.03413844858052726,0.0,0.040177488879140716,0.0,0.04564327776303504,0.05554365302137431,0.0,0.07508434444728533,0.0,0.059524569180436686,0.0,0.041545107772613714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985413864649391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04205702624819466,0.0,0.0,0.05475958196591193,0.11694450924892452,0.10804430192537208,0.0,0.03148704665439561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661963049388464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324303084014218,0.050447611843273434,0.0,0.12898955109238944,0.0,0.041135810716631915,0.0,0.043879313614770064,0.0955172852479889,0.0,0.0549398859993965,0.345612012287456,0.2790355091506903,0.093756219366725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353232567783919,0.0,0.0,0.07652461645667634,0.0,0.05549491386916878,0.0409507420329604,0.039048524046151466,0.0,0.0537844670523853,0.0,0.0,0.10394681028027017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189697910527512,0.055027507442572884,0.0,0.06545057658770942,0.0,0.04897383968354968,0.04849264131396619,0.0,0.0,0.05226644739446448,0.055115663040870094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339647117723499,0.0,0.10168409237459748,0.21465646070805894,0.039797578162733285,0.0,0.1033938381884818,0.05304675467965492,0.0,0.0,0.3100843402150903,0.0,0.043111946709507465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415078991332444,0.08813002899121081,0.04619787088965771,0.032589991078180856,0.049499253009605663,0.09809931252055644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920249242769161,0.05179389991631633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767242516046016,0.07240384816672972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567310948132893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0330839917434721,0.03713238717376316,0.05195152788341095,0.05728372705463354,0.0,0.0,0.04660744899731319,0.0,0.04263069980839306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976732020080463,0.0,0.03127751299659775,0.0,0.0,0.0524180478224247,0.0,0.0,0.046442223098787386,0.07765263664577622,0.0,0.0,0.15562367843909702,0.04444697939574643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038721166098624,0.054879534520456685,0.0,0.04976929630701653,0.08273579761805401,0.11275988975247404,0.0482875798367528,0.16396135926538608,0.03455744581563358,0.0,0.1169712638546505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589109916998843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962119522064784,0.0,0.0,0.16750139994257668,0.0,0.032436090009371595,0.03128405607798921,0.047968731509491325,0.0,0.14234655289613052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424458129298355,0.03314787607701868,0.05310582691840327,0.0,0.05082686948770397,0.058728525142795224,0.0,0.0,0.0402844088777714,0.14398649813309236,0.15501493363875954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525977046703394,0.044055514310919114,0.054509569901668393,0.0,0.0,0.05294688238061943,0.1066320253756723,0.04958252117021552,0.0,0.17341367261099952,0.05338071112129805,0.0,0.09432198475856636
bpd,thebirdspt2xo,2019/06/07,"DAE get irritated by people talking about their feelings/struggles that you're currently dealing with as well? Does anybody else feel irritated whenever friends or other people talk about the struggles or feelings that constantly feel? I don't know whether I'm just incredibly fucked up but whenever a friend will talk about things I'm currently going through or have been for a while, I never know how to respond and feel kinda annoyed. I never really open up to people and I find it incredibly hard to do so, so I guess my friends never have a true understanding of my mental issues or problems. But whenever a friend will tell me she has thoughts of self harming, I never know how to respond because I've been self harming for the past few weeks, or if she makes a joke about doing it, I feel the need to say something that makes her aware that I feel that way. Or if it's about her feeling like she doesn't know who she is, or having lost motivation for everything, or constantly being tired, or having breakdowns or fluctuating feelings about somebody or her being really angry. I always feel weird because that's exactly how I've been feeling and I just get in a weird mood about it, almost frustrated. I can't help the insistent need to mention that I feel that way too. 

I'm not sure if many people have this as well. For the record, I haven't been diagnosed by a mental health professional, however, I do see a counsellor but I guess I've just never been open about this type of side of me to her. I suspect I have BPD or something similar because I have the main symptoms/traits of it but of course, I'll wait to be properly diagnosed. However, can anybody else relate to this? I don't know how to react or how to act with care around it and I think I might just be a really shitty person for thinking this way.",7.244687778768956,6.778362341807912,7.5096491228070175,74.4069982158787,64.0,10.729467737139457,35.29824561403509,10.186864033877496,3.4929683615819216,1455,59,270,29,19,475,155,354,0.17,0.7340000000000001,0.096,-0.981,4,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,23,22,3,1,15,0,30,5,0,9,8,83,67,35,0,6,26,0,12,1,4,3,4,1,0,3,21,9,0,1,23,1,0,2,11,10,2,0,7,14,34,11,41,53,2,24,0,1,1,1,27,7,1,21,13,189,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975920653538779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627620848002162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709064864413376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456639611911598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031794251093848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120974284407496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214937743494702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211692609922873,0.0,0.1616886543268585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970333275335128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307677290560446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158539432797514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430146359010712,0.05690285839879175,0.0,0.0,0.0727997860417297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461533871742448,0.07363628353305335,0.08322896590014553,0.0,0.045267632572815054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548963124022035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135186171346627,0.0,0.0,0.08466553844249951,0.0,0.0,0.05338854403191271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313519559126778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188711792494505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891357021829673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869487323884839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633563610217807,0.08075385081775968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053942198265958,0.0844973734512828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812076340532222,0.30715971495249983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603611679947966,0.22088055006812626,0.06954838635475187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621547502825356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307986271960405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334185926080367,0.0,0.0,0.06347172203761887,0.0,0.16618721937105435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263882465096695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653753050298792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507034661734166,0.0,0.0,0.1920619373476429,0.0696186904046484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291674145506636,0.1020745907824557,0.0,0.06323418368265811,0.0,0.09154737778381046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291974497771283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967032931527408,0.06389141645282029,0.0,0.14323205249026924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shiv22134,2019/06/07,"New here. Was diagnosed yesterday. Like the title says, I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder yesterday. I was diagnosed bipolar 1 four years ago and finally got to see a different psychiatrist after months of telling my GP that my meds weren’t helping. 

I’ve been told this diagnosis before in the midst of a psychotic episode, which was why the BP1 label was tossed at me. 

It makes sense. My personality is terrible when I’m stressed. It’s like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I have always been easily irritated and I get very angry very easily. I say stupid things when I shouldn’t. I can’t hold a job because of my personality traits. 

I’m hoping now that this has a label I’m able to get on proper meds and hopefully get this under control a bit better....if only to find a job and keep it for more than a year. 

Anyways. Just wanted to say hi 😊",2.9107859281437136,5.2359774251497,5.014756736526948,77.69962013473055,77.1437125748503,8.96541916167665,26.0063622754491,9.516144504307137,2.6808685628742515,678,26,129,20,16,234,108,167,0.11199999999999999,0.782,0.106,-0.4509,4,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,1,10,0,13,5,0,2,0,16,27,7,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,3,0,4,10,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,10,4,12,4,15,16,2,16,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,2,14,73,22,2,0.1256044588454228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134077422708454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451297172280123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656731229373193,0.0,0.10688014327192907,0.0,0.0,0.11108693671069576,0.13712753778957354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408760809590602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38245764532504906,0.0,0.1312299259471522,0.14395359169684188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759354516771588,0.11480019986808385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686943684162286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045735992436614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841900211357263,0.0,0.0,0.2495071371405858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24928608863627744,0.1116430141980882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272798813118707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384195161392699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790364765578501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025628071397999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213095690438329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552785090562943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290189060219879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29965712120313515,0.0,0.0,0.1000904916356947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387948323426342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097838332715242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344602128263343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002044308763328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727366582110096,0.0740847641263446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333848758417416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161770306785014
bpd,_brrke,2019/06/07,"I posted this once already. I’m just hoping to get some more feedback bc this this is becoming something larger than me. Please Help. You already understand the spinning outta control, so no need for an explanation on that front. The real nitty gritty is this: a week ago I lost it with my old lady, you know, the one where it lasts for 2 days?  Well, this time, and this hasn’t happened before, I didn’t realize I was doing it. Two days of atrocious, verbal abuse towards my girl, for something she didn’t do. But damnit, I knew she did or had or whatever. You’ve gotta be picking up what I’m laying down, otherwise, wrong subReddit. Not only did I not realize what I was I doing, 5 days later I did the follow up flail on her (for the same thing) but, again, I failed to realize I was losing my cookies on her. Again! Fucking again!  For a whole day!  The following day I brought it up all nonchalant, and then Blam! It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I’d just repeated the entire incident all over again. This woman knows what I have and loves me nonetheless, but how much more can she take. I make up stories that only I believe and change into oppressed, poor little me and how dare you do that (even though deep down I do deserve your hatred) I will enact my revenge upon you and spew out vulgar hatred and acidic lies, only to wake up, Dr. Jekyll again. Remembering what Mr Hyde had riddled off.  Please help me to repair my torn psyche and figure out - this. This bullshit!  Why did I do this, again!

I’m reading the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, which reads like stereo instructions written in Latin, there’s gotta be a better way to understand and fix this. Somehow. What do you do?",3.1595853734764034,5.179652667673722,4.1906844462964905,85.34667673716012,75.19335347432025,6.982435670382332,25.00895926659027,7.873277556716777,1.4466792582560686,1327,45,255,20,29,430,190,331,0.146,0.772,0.08199999999999999,-0.976,0,0,2,0,2,0,54.0,0,6,0,6,17,12,2,0,13,0,27,4,1,5,2,45,51,19,0,2,9,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,26,13,0,1,10,3,1,4,6,6,1,2,15,1,39,6,32,30,9,46,0,3,0,2,18,21,1,5,21,183,65,6,0.0,0.1373435060742424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275403693359997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558361038484402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280219799466918,0.09863741531770943,0.1305995401599234,0.0,0.1025197756783212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226255444767584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001154452549862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373786597807918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656254012134235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716403530345728,0.060562208004358825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250562926759348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539436655213393,0.0,0.0,0.1151324200990868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274106603681,0.09448838759456084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326305491192405,0.11617997671767535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296822430262499,0.1265378503667672,0.0,0.10462023975417577,0.0,0.07737595730340145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521283883328283,0.08595149736174088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163611480599885,0.12344855529036375,0.07854882581673524,0.26448187705587245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544856254640049,0.0,0.0,0.11101710313797347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318981152873317,0.13193970731912125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131214446115586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847819992940608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871556757461339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325619793218656,0.0,0.07701056160566816,0.0,0.1138885405728656,0.0,0.067592536449336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132347383324937,0.24134880392643934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201006574264294,0.09298217780456766,0.0,0.1042239232698644,0.0,0.10459768418234702,0.12941795974169687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673779549795813,0.0,0.0
bpd,SolaMonika,2019/06/07,"Wake me up inside I'm 26, going on 27 and I've just determined to try to get professional help. I had a friend who was hospitalized and diagnosed with BPD. After he got out he told me he thought I probably had BPD too and I should get therapy but that just made me freak out and accuse him of projecting his issues on to me in an attempt to discredit or manipulate me. I've only just realized that my emotional reactions to things are completely ""abnormal"" and overblown after the turmoil of my first ""heartbreak"". I'd say I meet 8 or 9 of the diagnostic criteria. Everyday is a new horror and I can never predict when I'll be swept up in a new mood or possessed by radically different ideas or goals. I've been told I'm ""crazy"" ""dramatic"" and ""feel too much"" by the person that I love. I just hope that if I can get professional help I'll be able to get some modicum of control over myself.",4.499953445065176,5.275218581005589,6.3783379888268135,75.90128724394788,69.89385474860336,10.659404096834264,31.67644320297952,10.686352973137794,3.505379515828678,702,30,140,21,12,245,108,179,0.079,0.807,0.114,0.6597,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,7,7,0,1,7,0,11,3,1,3,1,31,26,14,0,3,10,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,6,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,9,2,18,3,24,14,2,18,0,1,0,1,15,9,0,7,8,90,24,4,0.15551617623208475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917343597249515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305575196026964,0.0,0.17442461545315618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784564528577372,0.0,0.1624813042316966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493476635603045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863365144120553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228198005753586,0.0,0.0,0.12015141198235388,0.0,0.32500313355119204,0.0,0.08838342682438143,0.0,0.12438049280586515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084784295761277,0.0,0.0,0.15446265310720814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555883347199328,0.0,0.16231848361524592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035942080635874,0.14715316617462987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432228345115975,0.0,0.1199436623783389,0.30039698417515953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827705985179332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357907265473053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767274110966604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367270530201188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784630089053982,0.0,0.10331803720142556,0.0,0.0,0.12346247260282014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972047417781532,0.0,0.1055852753116716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dig_,2019/06/07,"Feeling completely unsupported I've found myself in a narrative where my voice is completely unheard.

I have exhausted myself completely trying to help someone I love.

I have put my recovery on pause in order to support theirs. I drop everything to support them. Because I love them dearly, and I want them to feel better. I want them to be content. I want them to be able to live.

But they are pulling me down.

They are cutting off my support systems, to use for themselves.

And I try to make my voice heard.

""I am struggling too.""

But no one is listening.",2.5924285714285698,5.3451710285714285,3.780595238095241,83.54232142857146,81.57142857142857,6.928571428571428,29.702380952380953,8.07648339933343,2.534952380952381,438,22,78,9,12,142,63,105,0.11900000000000001,0.629,0.253,0.935,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,8,1,2,10,1,1,1,0,9,3,0,2,0,12,24,4,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,6,25,7,15,20,0,11,0,0,0,2,13,6,0,0,0,58,25,0,0.15693325801895627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566505748651703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879471367182578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936246057580855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410414931925457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870034114238268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206921726165336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518905483900176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385749419813082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832767848911542,0.0,0.10475416833437304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634203709828496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776126956576472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296904025179054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406071514480214,0.0,0.0,0.5342580043699966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309476165053168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355399478995908,0.0,0.0,0.27768990474027666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwway-12222227,2019/06/07,"Anyone else feel like they can’t leave relationships/ jobs like a normal person? Every job I’ve had I’ve abandoned, I can’t just put in my 2 weeks I feel like everyone will judge me or hate me so I just stop going to work, block their numbers and move on. 

Everytime I’ve felt like I don’t want to continue being in a relationship I’m so terrified of breaking up with the person and hurting their feelings so I end up cheating on them with someone else and just ghosting them. I’m also terrified of being alone so that could have something to do with it... 

Why does my brain work like this ??? Why can’t I be normal and just end things normally what am I so scared of ?? It’s so crazy how I’d rather just burn bridges and make the situation 1000x worse then just be normal and put my 2 weeks in for work or maturely sit down with someone and say hey this relationship isn’t working !! 

It’s the shittiest quality I have and I hate it but I can’t stop myself from doing it. Why am I like this?",1.3719279907084785,3.5404199024390266,3.1829965156794446,89.62910569105692,81.6829268292683,6.441347270615562,21.957026713124275,7.62386473244151,0.8861660859465741,780,25,168,13,21,260,106,205,0.18100000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.064,-0.9690000000000001,2,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,5,4,15,12,3,1,5,0,19,1,1,2,0,38,30,20,1,7,10,0,4,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,11,12,0,4,4,0,0,4,6,6,0,0,2,5,22,6,20,22,0,22,0,2,0,0,12,8,0,2,14,104,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279837049490864,0.0,0.07937428356774975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694014876686946,0.10169859982083003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080153950825453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924713682107447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685882434065846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582983316638975,0.0,0.17582115159860942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362671939991223,0.0948425206012731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505591127950315,0.14181575505525254,0.09530048043768917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640897200529583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959877642082875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625465875454196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699078247723173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509684072389236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29094622824011873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625356329828573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549248465503606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889957747922689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333148459169478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955762000477095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31968856091838826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893165519664963,0.09937169027015716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115669134553961,0.0,0.0,0.16819708208486794,0.07641144050741963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596344926411358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594069134383912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585432413606652,0.0,0.1592329405019606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26868692283790024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28903563779868185,0.0,0.10114944683579101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soapyboi666,2019/06/07,I am dumb I really don’t understand how any kind of relationship works. I always get too attached and it kills me so much. I am so scared of losing them that I start getting anxious and overreacting the second I feel like I said something that might have hurt them. I really don’t how to cope with this.,2.261693989071034,4.519202737704919,3.850409836065573,85.5650136612022,79.0,7.3453551912568305,21.642076502732237,8.344100000000001,1.2725715846994534,241,7,49,5,6,80,44,61,0.28800000000000003,0.674,0.038,-0.946,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,2,5,7,2,1,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,8,12,6,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,2,11,2,4,10,1,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,35,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446487185750289,0.0,0.0,0.1589303482006711,0.0,0.0,0.2640250028508283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817045166979215,0.16696198108831614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442069418241258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501906550313748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585647297522826,0.24337228705700925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417856602796035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614609425737436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24792865007436998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180323721131827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299440342876639,0.0,0.0,0.25091634067226304,0.0,0.0,0.22231107713338616,0.0,0.2339837948912783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992084842703476,0.0,0.0,0.1654206558094916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432996387596384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014316453482625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,souroranges6392,2019/02/08,How often do y’all dissociate? I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I dissociate around 2-5 times a week on average. I just want to make sure I’m not dissociating too much and that it’s not something bigger.,1.0492857142857126,3.4963225000000016,4.262190476190476,79.46614285714288,85.90476190476191,8.121904761904762,22.685714285714287,8.841846274778883,2.0387657142857143,163,6,34,5,5,59,36,42,0.0,0.899,0.10099999999999999,0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,12,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315975601176086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691416348794366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780723454534936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486418327483199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738250634898865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867631515178537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510700504965548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172035439506182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970590112124086,0.0,0.2987912512875822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cheezer5000,2019/02/08,"I just want to fuck someone's brains out, but I'm sick of emotionally hurting people. I broke up with my girlfriend 4 months ago cause my trust issues got the best of me. I feel awful cause the sex is what I miss the most. Always trying to fill that hole. No pun intended",2.0848214285714306,3.921907839285717,3.3172857142857133,91.2277142857143,77.75,5.908571428571428,20.128571428571426,6.742157984588678,0.16067571428571448,213,5,46,2,5,69,46,56,0.31,0.534,0.156,-0.882,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,3,1,1,4,1,3,0,10,7,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,7,2,7,6,2,5,0,3,0,2,1,2,1,1,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201232370921056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839775788347056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628359788792102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795894490753485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5145704145733098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28172699443337024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663704730233805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315406499420625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031091094277412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681161438254058,0.0,0.0,0.2614088639009353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990996112850049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736332405320863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220882726402032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004179837778566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477242344443612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wildmuffin420,2019/02/08,"DAE suffer from memory loss? I’ve heard of people “blacking out” during rage episodes but lately I’ve been waking up in the morning feeling like I went to bed drunk because I don’t know how I got there and the days before don’t seem real. I’ve quit drinking so this isn’t the case, but it worries that my memory seems to randomly disappear at points. I was wondering if anyone else with BPD has experienced something similar or if this is completely unrelated. ",4.56096308186196,6.382496685393263,5.8090208667736745,76.0603370786517,70.91011235955057,9.130658105939006,29.56821829855538,9.606745405546679,3.0053229534510426,371,15,65,9,7,124,70,89,0.168,0.777,0.055,-0.8537,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,3,0,7,3,1,1,0,16,15,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,2,0,5,2,0,2,3,3,0,0,5,4,5,1,9,10,0,9,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,7,3,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119322603277546,0.221553455213084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181196007446608,0.0,0.183996025923794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723344441179505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267133146120397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945063000426058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182333597244368,0.0,0.0,0.18063263692986345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093325169088627,0.15447494159948189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293909266057406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883449648668792,0.0,0.2439171526345421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563918326862756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990683698659213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440748835755088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299874987874886,0.0,0.24611737574502546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936958169849799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664646189038324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004476181825399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449249419231025,0.0,0.21959232602149747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MiaWallace82,2019/02/08,"I'm having trouble practicing DBT skills because I'm not in a relationship to practice them I'm doing doing DBT group right now and I know it's important to practice these skills all the time so that it becomes second nature. The thing is, my most damaging behavior is lashing out, having emotional outbursts, and anger. However, these only really present themselves when I'm in a relationship and I'm not in one now. So, I'm not sure how to practice these particular skills. I'm worried that when I do get in a relationship whenever that is that I will have forgotten all these skills since I never really got to practice them. I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for. I guess I just wonder if anyone else feels this way.",4.527925736235595,6.254775633802817,5.814967989756724,76.36466709346995,70.83098591549296,9.107298335467348,30.514724711907807,9.573946990214177,3.0566394366197183,588,25,105,14,11,197,79,142,0.136,0.8390000000000001,0.025,-0.9342,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,4,8,6,1,0,5,0,10,0,0,1,5,21,26,9,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,2,9,3,11,24,3,14,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,4,7,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074098961988288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217302890449105,0.17902823689845893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651182483958896,0.192972003654246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596180630435568,0.19654411269906072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834711117025587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128753225963784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974496953822893,0.0,0.1924812497645793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195105626292002,0.09602527014650436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467264912118525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476006620689476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839938976772135,0.1328875915603442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386890197310266,0.0,0.0,0.5627735241061014,0.0,0.14921571754019547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445358000376144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293558493467136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608071037311395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188459197500543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386899870640184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948374224538933,0.0,0.1774435290402034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pawesome-aw,2019/02/08,"Has anyone else not had luck with medication? I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for about a year now, but I’ve known I had it for a long time. I’ve been on and off antidepressants for about three years, including Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Prozac, and Zoloft. I’ve never had any of them give me anything but negative, shitty side effects. The one that worked the best was Wellbutrin, until I realized that it was making me feel extremely numb. But, at least I didn’t have the same side effects of no sex drive, headaches, etc. It’s to a point now that they’ve just decided that maybe medication isn’t for me. 

Has anyone dealt with the same thing? Did you need something that wasn’t an antidepressant? I’ve wondered about anxiety medications, too, since I do have a LOT of anxiety day to day and I took Ativan (I think) a couple of times in the hospital and found that it really, really helped.

Just looking to see what’s worked for other borderline individuals! I know we’re all a bit different and I definitely plan on bringing this up with my new therapist, too. Thanks!",4.449809113300494,6.255541133004929,5.1108343596059145,81.01827124384238,71.16748768472905,9.212931034482759,27.465825123152708,9.673873057562805,2.523049507389163,842,30,164,21,16,271,122,203,0.114,0.8220000000000001,0.065,-0.8424,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,6,9,4,0,0,12,0,16,8,0,3,2,33,29,9,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,10,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,12,3,14,3,26,17,8,24,0,0,2,1,4,9,0,3,12,109,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538612437846533,0.0,0.21460718961520248,0.0,0.0,0.1961553905170747,0.14371974746510385,0.11542749229645208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472011837283971,0.0,0.1531348409032596,0.0,0.17666092138819348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552023679937007,0.0,0.18092075620112813,0.0,0.0,0.14236768586180568,0.0,0.1465487833851537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717477815251265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564343801496713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092302715276266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537951296154301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455654123712765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940177713395929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708687643252315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413156146476195,0.1177886495936873,0.0,0.0,0.1192496803833836,0.0,0.0,0.09362907063291352,0.0,0.14091669186090694,0.0,0.0,0.4239116455830186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400593540874156,0.10818227905925552,0.1354703938757866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504830462632896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259731191494625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971680118322922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177435079510743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603001314733664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798411140879684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291386756526974,0.0,0.16286037877638124,0.09318692218287387,0.08987719846818623,0.0,0.0,0.1635812102371095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558413968616856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211318647848784,0.2042315673275056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806542332176127
bpd,Bunninium,2019/02/08,"How do you explain BPD to others? How do you explain BPD to others who dont exactly understand it? 

I usually say its like bipolar but everything happens in one day.

 Since whether here can go from -10C to 5C and back in one day, it's a common joke for everyone to say it is bipolar. I'll use that as an example and tell them that bipolar isn't exactly what the whether is like and that BPD is the more accurate way to describe it.",5.410337078651687,4.933275651685396,6.599191011235956,79.45339325842697,67.76404494382022,10.715505617977527,36.90112359550562,10.355215969177356,3.70924988764045,339,17,71,8,5,115,56,89,0.0,0.907,0.09300000000000001,0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,3,2,14,14,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,12,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,4,3,10,14,1,9,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,7,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772262666312038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6767389516538554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310190654538965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991267864883628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114491013648606,0.16097028939085165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179093072952684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838418776943505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750057736798006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427357807784231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28486697632904057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815959077742288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565478663162006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645724411497566,0.0,0.15469139005521534,0.19726162834452216,0.0,0.0,0.1421672120193302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,creshnull,2019/02/08,"I don't want go be alive anymore. I've been contemplating suicide for the past week and the only thing thatis keeping me going is God and my dog. I don't want to be me anymore. I want to give up and go away..
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bpd,Internalheterophobia,2019/02/08,"I can't live with BPD My friend abandoned me. It's not expected or perceived its real and it hurts so fucking bad. We've never gone longer than probably two weeks with out speaking and in the last six months it really never been longer than a day. But she cut me out of her life almost three weeks ago and has just never spoken to me again. And I'm just waiting for the day I don't wake up and immediately start crying but it won't come. It just fucking tears you up inside knowing someone cares about you so little that they could abandon you. I know this over effects me because I'm so emotional but anyone would feel like shit going from friends to radio silence. I want my friend back so fucking badly but I have to think now that my platonic affection was always one sided. I want to know why I'm not worth even a singular text. I can't go through these emotions my entire life, I can't fucking live with BPD. The only thing I've gotten from my dbt is that I have to sit through my emotions and accept them, but it doesn't help. They don't stop crushing you just because you know why you feel them. It feels like my emotions are going to destroy me for my entire life and I have to become okay with that or kill myself. You can't avoid interpersonal relationships (I've fucking tried) and shit like this shouldn't make my life fall apart but it does. 
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bpd,chloelaura89,2019/02/08,"I hate it when things don’t add up to what my boyfriend is saying To cut the story short I think my boyfriend is lying about this particular thing which is a big deal to me but he tells me he is not lying, even though I have all the proof that he is. He is telling me I’m being crazy and it’s not true however I am just not convinced. I’m trying to ignore it and take my mind off it but I just can’t! I don’t know what to do, I keep going to him for reassurance but he is getting irritated at me but it’s eating me alive right now, I can’t distress I can’t concentrate and I feel so deflated. What do I do?",-0.34436913451512297,1.3903485620437976,2.351976016684045,95.62950729927007,85.27737226277371,5.666110531803963,18.544838373305527,6.868970318607317,-0.09568988529718414,471,12,119,6,14,164,75,137,0.223,0.73,0.047,-0.9755,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,2,1,3,0,18,1,0,0,3,22,28,10,0,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,13,4,1,2,3,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,0,2,20,3,11,27,1,9,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,2,83,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655792801982397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26359406397603685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701455682831468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025274802300446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458789743721356,0.0,0.1464027679316594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254331448888458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289710193547452,0.0,0.0,0.14157288394104878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26010745503177035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199931271140238,0.0,0.2048577094638768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936867814916436,0.0,0.45031597173202703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422824202915425,0.1650627808070684,0.2530954488447907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748967777541614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadness95x,2019/02/08,"Really struggling I feel so abandoned. I like this person and I can’t tell her I like her but I get the impression she has something for me too. Quite flirty, constant compliments, going above and beyond for me, nervous around me - swinging slightly side to side in her seat, comes across almost slightly breathless in an anxious but cute way, her complexion glows, we just laugh constantly when we are around each other talking never stops, been catching her looking at me a fair bit, flirty use of emojis in emails when it isn’t really appropriate due to the situation, fan of LGBTQ+ pride saying she potentially could end up liking a girl, and then not even asking me but suggesting the same to me that I could be the same, potentially liking a girl (she doesn’t know I’m bisexual anyway and I’d just been talking about a guy I used to like)
And then it was all fine this morning but tonight she hasn’t gotten back to me about something she was going to. And the BPD in me can’t cope with that because I feel like well actually she can’t care about me at all, even though I know logically there are potential legitimate  reasons. I’m jumping to the worst possible conclusion and that is that she has just completely forgotten about me and I’m worthless.
I’m now starting to get drunk because I can’t cope with the obsessive, intrusive thoughts, and need to get out of my head. I know it’s not wise but god I can’t deal with this much longer.
I’m hoping someone can help me see rationally. It’s also making me feel like I can’t trust my instinct when it comes to sussing whether or not someone likes me back, but I also feel that the signs I described above do demonstrate some kind of attraction.
Really hope someone responds to this with kindness.",5.7746288327057576,6.645205144970412,6.042054868208716,79.1083647122109,67.07692307692308,9.10403442711135,31.93168370091447,9.218907990703514,2.7391550295858,1401,56,262,25,22,448,170,338,0.09300000000000001,0.6940000000000001,0.213,0.9931,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,0,3,26,29,0,3,13,0,23,2,1,4,3,64,55,26,0,5,14,0,4,8,0,0,0,1,0,4,15,21,1,2,11,1,0,6,13,6,1,0,6,8,44,23,37,46,9,37,0,2,3,0,28,14,0,5,24,182,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.09532601315189183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781694940792744,0.0,0.0,0.15623657167097138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103557176172208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391988958287574,0.09132185201502667,0.0,0.0,0.15022675251016715,0.0,0.11909516941739895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664621008367932,0.0,0.12303024984264448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959589183833216,0.0,0.0,0.16829315138888645,0.10242037443964593,0.2111245544511427,0.0,0.1559863020508027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007084643227854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651950202977947,0.0,0.0,0.12903942566854593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975689401285824,0.1395716999439182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531084103084051,0.0,0.11103274261453684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672304571915487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025251295917567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547588344193803,0.0,0.0,0.1940455651271492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344681826588046,0.1610545941777741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817898291288669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203040533392998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520518438364606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180937156216438,0.07243184354471835,0.07534033399475068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529436644341963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012463371053413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038995251891627,0.0,0.0,0.1877376397967596,0.10043596937292602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768266149900922,0.0,0.0,0.07784192562940237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980150803695132,0.0,0.0,0.24830336371701614,0.1504046520448875,0.0,0.0,0.0691416153146742,0.0,0.0,0.0816686437036694,0.0,0.1021210835924268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570302549786733,0.0853805875580799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959745578089488,0.07755060782097692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873614548553692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753743554183706,0.0,0.0,0.08783012670655171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonymouse0102,2019/02/08,"How can I let my Pwbpd know they are loved Maybe I’m crazy, but I’ve been physically and verbally assaulted by my person with BPD, I’ve been cheated on as well. 

I stay because I love my pwbpd, but they can’t be trusted right now. I get scared because I feel like the bad behavior may come back at some point, but my person is getting the help that is needed at the moment. 

Do I look like an idiot for staying?  I want to let them know they are supported, but at the same time I keep getting hurt ",3.4799175824175848,4.0310375961538485,4.6139010989010965,88.44538461538461,72.07692307692308,7.865934065934066,26.395604395604394,7.957251820313856,1.3004604395604389,386,12,87,5,7,127,70,104,0.212,0.568,0.22,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,4,13,3,1,5,0,13,2,0,1,0,17,28,7,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,2,2,16,7,9,22,2,13,0,1,1,2,9,6,0,2,6,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890614188992172,0.13997384152736614,0.20438568431790446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113888941844908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440850573914693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476469538118006,0.1197632848754462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26275765313398325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236671738295367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794639384151022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900767163311912,0.0,0.0,0.1842630203760265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428500524737057,0.0,0.16380256200533885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077683092494092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026064116436372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684186496155235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243042180611894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927565834832861,0.0,0.0,0.15847562074056112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316512080405408,0.0,0.0,0.16783861631935998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573675558858264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902378477130475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775324046707193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887943536143327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073004756164604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shyWilliam,2019/02/08,"It’s so lonely sometimes but Sometimes I’m so accepting of my situation that I’m not even upset, I have peace. How can I keep this calmness 4ever?",1.9390000000000045,4.1718869000000005,4.436666666666671,81.06500000000003,80.0,6.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.8506666666666671,117,5,22,2,3,41,24,30,0.05,0.524,0.426,0.9466,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26103183419532466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512799408344185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442315035393796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7817436638484091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkwhaat,2019/02/08,"So thankful for my understanding boss! I’ve been at a new job for a few months now. I’ve been generally good lately - able to stabilize my moods for the most part, no scratching/slapping myself, no tics, etc. 

But then suddenly, these behaviors have been slightly creeping back in lately (y’all know how it goes lol). 

So at my office, higher ups have enclosed offices, and everyone else (me included) is out in the open, and everyone walks by us and talks out here all day every day (it’s actually an awful setup, but that’s beside the point).

My boss is awesome. Wants to support everyone, wants to see people climb up, gives praise and credit, etc. Not many people have that and I’m thankful for it. 

As these behaviors/upset feelings have been coming back lately, I’ve been having quite a few moments where I just *can’t* be in this open space. I need a quiet private space to throw a pencil against the ground, be short, shake my head (helps relieve stress for me), etc.

So I went to my boss privately, and asked him if it would be ok if I sometimes checked out a laptop from our IT department and went to a separate part of the building to work quietly (it’s a huge building). I said I’d rather not discuss all of it, but that it was due to a condition I have that affects my moods and makes me suddenly anxious or, for one reason or another, unable to handle being around people all the time like I am at my regular desk, and that it would be very good if I could possibly remove myself from the area sometimes. I stressed that this would not affect my work performance or abilities.

He agreed, didn’t press for details, made sure it’d be plausible with IT, said that he wants to do anything to make me comfortable because they want to keep me with the company for as long as I’ll possibly stay, and that if any further issues arise to please let him know. 

He’s also had no attitude changes towards me. No weirdness, no hesitations, none of that (I’m sure most of you have experienced people distancing themselves from you after you disclose to them that you have some sort of issue, even if you don’t tell them it’s BPD).

I AM SO THANKFUL!!! Thankful for my awesome boss, thankful I work in a public sector job in a liberal state (so firing people for things like that when it doesn’t affect their work performance at all is very illegal), thankful I worked up the courage to actually say something. 

Win!!",7.4215522174535025,6.573322768240344,7.479495708154509,76.0215039341917,63.806866952789704,10.685121602288984,35.296494992846924,9.928628108626363,3.3167027181688127,1894,74,360,34,24,612,231,466,0.065,0.7290000000000001,0.20600000000000002,0.9979,2,0,1,0,0,0,70.0,2,6,4,11,17,26,0,3,21,3,37,1,1,12,6,73,67,33,0,15,16,0,3,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,29,19,0,2,5,0,2,9,13,4,0,1,13,10,44,20,58,42,15,59,1,0,1,0,28,29,0,12,21,250,73,16,0.07290748709156239,0.0,0.1422943807398286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058304091086372876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957959132652424,0.07644985713640791,0.0,0.08236470812232947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059996649755859326,0.06490312079637077,0.06815865864329708,0.0,0.0,0.11212271452561784,0.0,0.044443727428186884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091824427744244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712645415507442,0.06280334445928877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821069590639415,0.0,0.0,0.09403859537627623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060904850180591726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439333609928023,0.048154707617089926,0.0,0.06142770234877541,0.2089986848931223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036864216098372204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993950502043378,0.0,0.12230268220021315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482411556647818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886835177360434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219294912755174,0.1446988622571323,0.06480352442366223,0.0,0.0,0.08013609642002864,0.0,0.2467284631976812,0.0,0.0,0.07455284518450059,0.0,0.07123783098703279,0.0,0.0,0.06452083181121109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898682711532575,0.09733262753906664,0.07391674862825556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819406061848512,0.0,0.0,0.05405997787097898,0.0,0.07041450534833896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940400011383912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790340747482146,0.0,0.25272435820277106,0.0,0.0,0.08003052711906647,0.06892114108394252,0.16438447428900907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754608688185087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496103945495422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870343174125324,0.05797896002747005,0.0,0.0,0.05809782784780072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612774550063075,0.14421473794634593,0.0,0.0,0.07770968058977533,0.0,0.0,0.16703056026939755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827345523586942,0.13742888751825846,0.0,0.0,0.058600276437671024,0.06372435724559923,0.4027405121045961,0.0,0.0,0.04843649481419299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251294202957017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589926528294688,0.0876987301090337,0.0,0.0,0.12031262468054835,0.1720108994178353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517194192547047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653875946331892,0.0,0.0,0.1553741610355502,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ranipe,2019/02/08,"Free ebook pdf of a book that changes my life Hello everyone!

About ten years ago I ended up in a bookstore crying my eyes out and a total wreck. I was fortunate to run into an elderly lady that recommended this book to me and it completely changed my view on myself and my mental health. 

This book is “The Mystic Path to Cosmic Power,” by Vernon Howard.

And while this is not a book on BPD it teaches many important lessons that most of us with BPD have not or cannot learn on our own. About coping and self empowerment and that it’s okay to be how you are. It’s okay to not be where you think you should be.

Recently found a free pdf of this book, and figured that if it helped me learn to love myself again, that maybe it could help others as well.

[Free PDF link!](https://archive.org/details/TheMysticPathToCosmicPowerVernonHoward)

Remember always that I love you all very much. And never never give up.

",4.983814847942753,6.678833401162795,4.9374418604651185,83.22902504472273,69.63953488372093,7.617889087656528,23.695885509839,8.139509932561175,1.1768939177101965,723,18,139,10,13,224,106,172,0.033,0.799,0.168,0.9708,3,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,4,0,2,6,8,0,0,7,2,11,5,1,1,4,31,16,13,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,18,11,0,0,7,5,3,1,6,0,1,1,2,2,17,11,22,9,5,18,0,0,2,2,13,9,0,3,8,101,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225909676636145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353527547177088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40424714675697065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33954090210625393,0.0,0.16826408216662972,0.0,0.0,0.12813315753210658,0.0,0.17628378362115155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421409038797596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334903089789914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596206858771396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395056655758718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058664426002915,0.0,0.0,0.2151376518916976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335436724031715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28968556866581874,0.0,0.0,0.1627052597253872,0.1612274241738726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617298004079059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797396819702395,0.0,0.24754981065265244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845827029487333,0.0,0.1817967217927342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741947546147648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283146027365396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304210378272035,0.0,0.0,0.13241584086268024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429409907659982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033462264233794
bpd,MrAnonymous2018_,2019/02/08,"Is anyone else just toxic in general? I like to think of myself as humourous  and nice but all it takes is a perceived slight against me, minor or not, and then I'm telling them vicious things and overreacting.

For example, a redditor may begin a convo and talk a little. Then they may suddenly stop talking for no reason. Rude? Yes. But my reaction(like 2 weeks after the last message) was a bit overboard. 

I'd also say that I must have a low amount of empathy, or something. Especially when it comes to people I have a perceived slight against. I don't know. I just don't care much about anything. Stories/Posts just kinda blend in at some point. I wish I could be supportive, but I'm not positive. ",2.293777777777777,4.910223414814818,3.653333333333333,84.90000000000003,81.51851851851852,6.562962962962962,26.037037037037038,7.793537801064563,1.7779481481481487,551,23,103,10,15,180,96,135,0.166,0.723,0.111,-0.8637,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,6,8,2,0,8,1,12,0,0,1,2,30,22,14,0,3,10,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,1,12,5,14,16,5,16,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,6,10,72,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660075633805889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514993200580018,0.2126978159250201,0.17082673705030435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22663166876254998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116491823901196,0.0,0.0,0.17881815823855826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574164196802815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734126300255964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408460244936552,0.16921143181683024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141671469636857,0.20805710319873744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260061934834626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391496078727453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623718479386856,0.0,0.19881134027536926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134344138897251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508182705810942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981091712418938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735523559028865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235567713835105,0.0,0.0,0.1560798851521057,0.3337017668429241,0.18144053148285194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791184002660922,0.13301361958129265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651408538443174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387152574841197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Giorgiark,2019/02/08,"It is normal for bpd to become so painfully attached to someone? Hello there, sorry for my english (i am italian) Female, I'm 27 and I was diagnoses with BPD last year after attempting suicide, (I had a 10 years  history of social anxiety and depression, I went to therapy on and off for almost a decade and nobody seems to be able to recnognise my disease before that suicide attempt. 

Anyway, after my suicide attempt I entered the public health care system (i don't know if in other countries is the same, but this means I don't pay for visits, meds, ecc) also my doctor advises me to enter in a comunity for bpd for a about a year (don't have to pay for it) I think after years I am on the right meds (lithium + quietapine) and I feel overrall better. I have quiet BPD.

When I am alone (no work, no contact with others, no university) I feel good, I'm calm, I focus on my self and writes (i'm kind of a semi-professional writer, i have an agent who follows me, and hoping to get my book published) but recently my ex came back after a year, we got back together and since then  it seems I cannot longer write or do things for myself. I feel I'm living my life for him, waiting him to text me, to hear him, to met him. And the attention he gave to me are never enough. I feel empty and abandoned when he leaves after a date. It's like my life is in pause for him. I talk to my doctor and he said is peculiar for a bordeline to live relationship in this way. I just wanted to be in relationship and still be able to write and be calm and to care for myself. But it's seem impossibile, living relationship in this way is so painful that i'm thinking to dump him, just to be able to write again, and feel better.

 Anyone feel the same way in relationships?",4.708660691421251,4.924370371830992,6.225998719590273,79.16588668373882,69.22535211267606,8.933418693982075,28.53072983354673,8.841846274778883,2.115028169014084,1362,44,273,22,22,467,172,355,0.1,0.7959999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.3487,0,1,0,0,0,3,49.0,1,0,0,6,14,16,1,0,15,0,24,8,0,0,1,53,56,26,3,4,7,1,6,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,14,19,0,2,14,1,2,6,8,6,0,0,8,9,43,10,53,43,3,43,0,2,0,0,32,12,0,7,22,190,57,9,0.2346535990292251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832389459520532,0.08101012025717441,0.0,0.06255079945522034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983645366073755,0.0,0.0,0.05469175080305589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202894222341465,0.0,0.0,0.08638548811026861,0.06655764323988493,0.0,0.0,0.138354692945926,0.0,0.0,0.39405065805154255,0.0,0.0,0.08946040161912558,0.15949665536857974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736893366752822,0.07938948786506934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011860115384316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081996488602554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23729582044188274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040865606840877054,0.0,0.0,0.0656054352670383,0.06255797305263096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314193429036218,0.08815722007001695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768799007574731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145187130674976,0.04298649376823042,0.0637580006691602,0.0,0.08282142668898917,0.0,0.0,0.11049518435047054,0.038213298558188516,0.0,0.20720342699603056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520218680086585,0.1737648331028168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060326440502285625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663690179071267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645864911730196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723070674008084,0.3359068649325763,0.0,0.06679763048182524,0.07440310260342757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361982358336967,0.08159829327861708,0.0,0.0,0.06470262732011993,0.0,0.0,0.07973326452858852,0.06627374432591729,0.0,0.0,0.08755849758003575,0.0,0.0,0.06246488909971665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256672951517708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286855812644597,0.0,0.0,0.08944894691795155,0.0,0.05196447482472688,0.10023770090724997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046134924124183116,0.18625710468340964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250874573130055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056943538268050674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25184870725728964
bpd,princessofthenight86,2019/02/08,"Not sure what to do about this situation.. So me and my husband separated back in July, and are back together now. We wanted to go on a date night tonight, so he asked his mother if she could take our 6 year old over night. She said a while back that if we divorce or get back together, that she would support his decision and that it’s his life and he can do what he wants. Well last night after he asked about our daughter staying the night with her, she calls him and tells him that she will not do anything to support us being back together. He was pretty upset about some of the things that she was saying. He didn’t tell me all of what she said, which is fine, I didn’t push him to tell me. But now that she knows that him and I are back together, she’s going to try and tear us apart, I feel like. I’m not sure what to do in this situation. She wanted him to meet her at a local restaurant, in which he didn’t go bc he didn’t want to deal with her and her trying to talk him out of HIS decision. She always does this, she will tell him that whatever it is, that it’s his decision, but then gets super pissed when he doesn’t make the decision that she wants. I’m being emotionally supportive with what he’s dealing with with her, but I just don’t know what to do. A lot has changed with me and my depression, bpd, and anxiety. I’ve changed in the time that we were separated. But I know she won’t give me any form of chance to show that I am different. Ugh..what should I do?? ",3.3742445054945094,3.8991178621794873,4.462619047619049,89.53,72.30128205128204,8.250549450549451,24.472527472527474,8.418075326091056,1.1427681318681322,1151,30,270,18,21,377,138,312,0.057,0.87,0.073,0.2495,1,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,7,0,0,1,17,12,1,1,8,0,30,2,1,1,3,53,56,22,0,10,11,3,1,1,0,5,1,3,0,0,27,20,0,0,8,1,0,4,10,3,1,0,9,4,52,9,33,39,4,37,0,1,0,0,67,10,1,5,23,189,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351322197065327,0.0,0.0,0.06008016693992116,0.0,0.06758653767832287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727034781192237,0.0,0.16518827526114122,0.0,0.0,0.4076083258991533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127213436883447,0.0,0.09021393271095927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692248633530215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053927299868938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216732532911975,0.07609463287187578,0.0,0.0,0.09230562021461217,0.0,0.0,0.07731457019506538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938043137914224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044671773163943884,0.06311635134493235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231713136471403,0.0847521535554717,0.15063186010773932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566245672904168,0.07201600781612255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062403321750303886,0.04316272748146978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751109320317811,0.0,0.0,0.05897346422982552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331637197940985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270713171843607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988242174739443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807975038100534,0.0702584572452872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861535145730289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416799246959337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007712801426876,0.16653526750728567,0.0,0.06642725085631931,0.07101136368619643,0.3088827413877093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869497138965929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151685574457975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199659784768415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254529149581888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605518539989653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079436119759351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276040391759632,0.0,0.0,0.056893686376506124
bpd,Milfy-Way,2019/02/08,"The all or nothing, black or white thinking is destroying me. TLDR; I am always thinking in terms of ""this or that"" or ""yes or no"". And often it holds me back from trying new things. Looking for advice on how to challenge this way of thinking.



This has got to be one of my biggest problems in life that holds me back. I have a very extreme all or nothing approach and everything is black or white for me. It's either yes, or fuck no. 

Whenever I get ideas, projects, desires, tasks or anything that basically requires input and effort on my part to get output, I often quit at the soonest drop of criticism either from myself or externally.

For example. I get a great idea? I start implementing it. I fuck up somewhere along the way? Goddammit. It's done. I've ruined it and now I can't go on. 

I have a desire? I start implementing it. I see someone else has already tried it. Fuck it, it's been done. There's no place for me here. 

I start a project. I work on it. It gets difficult? It's too hard. I'm not going to be able to. So I abandon ship.

I decide to implement a habit that will help organize my life? I do well for a week. I slip up a day or two. Fuck. It didn't work. Guess I'll try again next month. 

I want to sell my art? The art domain is saturated and everyone is selling their art. Won't work. So I don't.

I want to become a web dev? Everyone and their dog is programming so I guess not. 

I want to transfer my leased car to someone else so I can free up some money? No one will want it because it has too many kilometers on it. (Except it's a great price because I put a down payment when I got the car. So maybe someone would want it!) So I just don't try.

The point is, this bleeds into my life everyday and holds me back constantly from trying new things. I decide, from the get go, or shortly after starting something, that because of x reason my ideas, desires, plans, etc are just NO, instead of taking a more grey approach of, ""why not? Let's see what happens."" And challenging my biases. 

I'm sure others can relate. I'm venting here, and looking for insight from others. Have you overcome this? People are constantly telling me to stop thinking so extremely and to try to be more flexible. How can I challenge my biases and frame of mind and loosen up a bit?",0.585421471248619,2.9761655206073816,2.5893732161205643,90.9031883396126,87.93709327548807,5.40428511626137,22.621341857898546,6.912458644323713,0.8225812002892265,1759,67,365,25,57,587,206,461,0.106,0.8029999999999999,0.091,-0.9203,0,0,1,0,0,0,78.0,0,1,2,10,26,17,5,0,19,2,34,8,0,3,3,72,72,34,0,10,20,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,33,14,0,6,11,3,5,8,13,9,1,3,6,10,48,9,49,58,11,51,0,2,9,4,5,18,4,17,22,253,81,11,0.07482548574031539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311859866780797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257178416801032,0.0,0.06226079828062912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157499921970695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260853949812666,0.0,0.13683876480674062,0.08263887026032844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169005079752553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617195356889496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048256248144514506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314490153221133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501418387882748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345019582433938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299791640123455,0.0672483218082227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27669982338043064,0.19546613995640524,0.0,0.12757514370065035,0.0,0.11968955276947656,0.16499072437173518,0.16485741688562242,0.0,0.06616792992519938,0.0,0.06702893800010598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015394583818713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534065968341665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651412875123473,0.15855436029267836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566912548345405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586129821629939,0.0751722576549966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555241024946205,0.0,0.05972498884114528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453384079022136,0.0795777529614533,0.0,0.0,0.1435941432446855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140737127285866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102870936640634,0.0,0.05187457040504772,0.0,0.07817670680581186,0.0,0.07073426975896463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159788445090111,0.0,0.07522028010685462,0.0,0.07958611453591996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693306150809615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192524488934694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019817374967055,0.05760431456537665,0.0,0.0,0.21184745572662705,0.0,0.0,0.06255745654236565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052213478699729,0.0,0.05625945313011957,0.0,0.06540077260382185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942145578213728,0.19178059976680684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048095588627571,0.0,0.07309362699997045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173886209456358,0.220670050755624,0.11878597548197105,0.06002049125715789,0.0,0.0672770978601266,0.0,0.06751836252083482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163421534358551,0.0,0.0,0.053153878221854585,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helpmeiwanttoleave,2019/02/08,"Anyone else feel ""normal"" or like they can live a normal life, as long as they're alone? Title says it all. I've always felt that I'm ok with being alone, having a few but very good best friends, but relationships bring out the worst in me, and as dark as it sounds, being alone works for me.  

  
I hate it, I want so badly to be married, be married and be a good mother, but I think a part of me knows I won't ever be that, and it's ok.  
My family has had a long history of mental health issues on my father's side, and part of me feels like it's time to cut it off for good.  

I love loving people, but it just hurts me and them more than if we were just friends. It hurts saying this but I think it's true. I'd rather be lonely than hurt the people I love.",3.2621818181818187,2.932052824242426,4.647424242424243,91.13113636363636,72.27272727272728,7.327272727272727,20.13636363636364,6.2581,-0.0871090909090908,576,6,141,3,10,193,96,165,0.18600000000000005,0.541,0.27399999999999997,0.9690000000000001,0,5,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,2,2,5,22,2,0,7,2,13,5,0,0,3,30,26,17,0,5,10,2,3,2,2,1,2,3,0,0,12,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,3,6,17,14,18,15,7,10,0,4,0,3,13,5,0,2,6,91,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650056548801794,0.0,0.0,0.09774851450525668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214117057243042,0.12036690156756212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808662151236644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123282643512623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813519183582588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062627584687201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074486597872822,0.0,0.11879766251666855,0.08392408086020083,0.11279431150865467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181521608496756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955970783319976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598212740621085,0.0,0.12487030870265815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37727788014589625,0.0,0.0,0.12261325833990645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064561124211252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297598496935495,0.11478458922649767,0.0,0.10373247513055232,0.20792315188119365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180770089849443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838705304836415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23020088878858105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544277038384406,0.0,0.16288458669728864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612406205569585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868414862811892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054632494139555,0.0,0.0,0.06850054977898447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692908256311407,0.06928973046551141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552311493404083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liplickedashes,2019/02/08,"Jealous of my boyfriends friends I love my boyfriend to death, we’ve been together for a few months now. I try not to let it control me, but everytime he hangs out with his friends I feel such an intense feeling of jealousy and sadness. I trust him that he won’t cheat on me and I let him hang out with friends, I just wish this wouldnt eat me up from the inside out. ",2.6032900432900448,3.885863636363638,2.9007142857142867,97.12345238095241,74.97402597402598,6.172294372294372,29.71645021645022,6.42735559955562,1.0752787878787884,288,13,68,2,6,88,58,77,0.163,0.578,0.259,0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,2,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,15,9,3,1,2,3,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,2,14,5,13,4,1,9,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,0,2,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27937314211670383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25487899881017256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189254649827875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.577333836879525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.509418292582248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248114597499808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881950129020495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691142620463503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864386710429385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,easyiris,2019/02/08,"My boyfriend broke up with me and he's moving abroad for work I feel like everything has been falling apart for months. I'm struggling so much in everything. My doctors have said I'm too ill to work, I'm falling behind on my masters and they said I should defer that too, and I'm just sitting here, stagnant, while he lives his life and forgets all about me. Why doesn't he want me. Why does he keep saying I'm this person that I'm not. Why is this happening to me. Why wouldn't be try. Why did he keep assuming who I am and what I want. I honestly can't cope anymore. I'm sick of hurting.",1.1864933333333312,3.0907464160000018,2.6325000000000003,94.74208333333335,80.84,5.7666666666666675,23.21666666666667,6.816661863887847,0.5540266666666667,462,16,105,5,12,150,77,125,0.17800000000000002,0.778,0.044000000000000004,-0.9143,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,3,6,5,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,0,1,18,26,7,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,4,14,2,11,19,2,10,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,1,3,56,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599799504891206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068107218672966,0.12882907937169286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646151936627231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443646645246824,0.10517062199987394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018198165115574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759699685335682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261703401417324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398250252887392,0.07192194731962599,0.0,0.12999378508821166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750582812886795,0.15646653960499254,0.10822016606013224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854269992475653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800708773000577,0.11707149560747987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390136947579175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994950837922546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366276702870076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6641944398698759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143489473054268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jigglywood,2019/02/08,Productiveness Anybody else really struggle to get things done? I do tons of art related stuff but cant bring myself to actually work on anything. I just feel empty so it's hard to feel purpose in these things I guess. ,3.5571428571428565,6.0207354285714345,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,75.66666666666667,8.009523809523811,27.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.3936952380952383,176,7,32,4,4,58,36,42,0.15,0.85,0.0,-0.6142,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.2841374590313201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23960602693357602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979654231934029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323306771527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944460529477851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521229907868425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207538056927336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608288709265991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652934343462524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043914692964512,0.3333171033499849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868774716002911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119733932020321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,__No__Control,2019/02/08,"Where are my fellow Parents with BPD? I did not find out I had BPD until my first child was almost 3 years old. 

I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what. Having a diagnosis was a life saver for my entire family! 

So anyway when did you find out you have BPD? Before or after kids? If it was before I want to ask what led you to choose to become a parent? ",-0.024949494949495943,2.1222188571428617,2.305108225108224,93.77448773448776,87.7012987012987,4.461183261183262,12.451659451659452,5.82211442006289,-1.0695760461760466,280,3,62,2,9,95,54,77,0.047,0.932,0.021,-0.4314,2,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,0,15,15,6,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,9,0,11,0,9,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,6,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021795700782694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891539425690934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877378720408266,0.28929373632660377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6422800313791095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024911512079185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310731046330861,0.1445913064861935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342070112797722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006721982190395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783733181325634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775020715940671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308647057105984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026304963147592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858546793592764,0.0,0.10946639629184733
bpd,TheDoctor100,2019/02/08,"[venting] I just found out its highly likely I'm BPD and it's tearing my world apart for some reason. I have ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety and I always just thought I was hypercritical of shit and really sensitive to my emotions. But it just makes too much sense. I've been like this all my life. The stupidest tiniest things piss me off and my emotions are almost always everywhere. I'm extremely bitter and sarcastic but easily detach my self from it all if I need to be pleasant and it's my first reaction whenever it becomes too much. It explains why I always hear people shouting hey at me or my name when nobody was even thinking about me. I feel like I should be happy to know I'm not the only one to feel like this but it's absolutely torn away the last little shreds of my reality. Nothing feels real, I mean it didn't feel that way a few hours ago but it feels even less so now. Especially since my FP has distanced herself. I feel so fucking alone and I've bee so self destructive recently but I don't know what to do. I'm losing my grip. It's just another thing I can put up on my list of why I am a fuck up which seems to always be getting longer. There's so many things I wanna say and get into but I don't even know where to start so I guess I'll just stop here. If you read all this. I love you ❤️",2.2749881422924934,3.85424452727273,4.134134387351779,86.71876679841895,76.45454545454545,7.400790513833993,23.59288537549407,8.18289091462,1.2601304347826083,1035,32,222,18,23,351,158,275,0.13,0.773,0.098,-0.6177,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,2,21,15,6,0,5,0,16,6,2,2,3,55,45,24,0,5,15,0,7,4,0,1,1,3,0,2,20,11,0,1,16,1,0,1,4,8,0,2,6,11,34,7,22,35,8,25,0,2,0,3,11,14,4,7,13,146,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275229253986886,0.0,0.09054084495824084,0.0,0.10227834038313798,0.10578611670121717,0.0,0.0,0.3399542650773945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710257477720657,0.0781367321742887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596378385112213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280547785281395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286416091177824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797293296646533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297872451166522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238729148563944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098699677803891,0.1459375079791678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688013368975822,0.0,0.1119911115188436,0.0,0.1888533549641404,0.10672774810384816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251859827451426,0.0,0.0,0.10872980647415527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511907328091872,0.0,0.0,0.1079163959824643,0.0,0.0,0.10058721184951093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840022821492273,0.08325763840384792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721444211508018,0.19960155338527494,0.10237099751170373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426840453250538,0.0,0.0,0.09218523368768386,0.0,0.0681791661210336,0.10355381152799494,0.0,0.11126027769742848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016913514048005,0.07573543024481716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980059740322846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921262922760506,0.07768198486207901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081093539295429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026787952805507,0.0,0.0,0.10216752513532104,0.1162575499776786,0.06543342553645333,0.10501681277541493,0.1008508138265617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812257358541161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092984314863148,0.2131083511045021,0.0,0.10484512378512148,0.08449116805199898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229513605360012,0.0,0.0,0.08539351707359794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357160243713568,0.06544711384437774,0.0,0.08108765926194693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107388620055374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843307180751391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RavenclawLiz,2019/02/08,"anxiety I haven’t properly spoken to my best friend for like a week and now I’ve gotten myself to a point where I get nauseatingly anxious every time I even open the messages app to text them. I know I have nothing to be worried about but I’m so nervous about it. We got in a fight, well what I quantify as a fight because I can’t handle any confrontation, like last week about me being unstable essentially and I can’t stop thinking about that. I’m trying to get better and learn how to handle being on my own but now I feel bad for thinking about asking for support. Which I know wasn’t their intention but that’s how my brain works I guess. Sorry for the dump of information, I just needed to clear my head.",3.513667711598746,4.865787275862068,4.931598746081509,83.18373040752353,72.79310344827586,7.755485893416928,25.595611285266447,8.296473431620573,1.569206896551724,565,18,114,9,11,189,90,145,0.20199999999999999,0.6409999999999999,0.156,-0.8057,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,1,0,2,3,14,13,4,1,6,0,8,2,2,3,1,23,23,10,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,3,1,21,7,20,17,2,12,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,9,77,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582152101659924,0.0,0.14154156694397887,0.20902255498212574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297089127805887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448590725430614,0.11278788781927715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416950791149007,0.16363720471011992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065460975917369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220549614031333,0.0,0.15588928297484778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355284334706436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294778402244598,0.0,0.19333304942066395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797924992200231,0.0,0.20382294302493725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988627734532154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336685458935405,0.15081788387886474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078511760375685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371917044869098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775339043288669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490589513475935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711733715045985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468694271081468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996113400453367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371096611727102,0.0,0.0,0.1078880016138693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561800882889335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29682748646544765,0.0,0.16635728428938668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469845120655785,0.1878991452618919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imahyperlover,2019/02/08,"The experience of pet loss I just lost my cat this tuesday. I had to put her down after spending 13 years with her. I am 20, so I don‘t remember a time without her. I‘ve been living with mental illnesses for 10 years. She‘s been with me through my lonelinest years. Unconditional love was what I got from her, when everyone else rejected me. Now she is gone. 

I don‘t know how to handle this. I don‘t want to forget her touch, her smell, anything. I have bad memory. But remembering her hurts so much. I am constantly having panic attacks and experience BPD breakouts with my closest friends, because I can‘t handle it. Trying to distract myself gives me guilt that I‘m forgetting her. 

Did anyone else experience losing an important pet? She was like a sister to me with a unique personality. Not like any other cat. I am very suicidal again due losing her. I don‘t know what to do. Living and moving on seems impossible without her. I loved her more than anyone. ",3.1301123595505618,5.979764314606748,4.321449438202247,79.93183707865171,80.0112359550562,7.1555056179775285,24.630337078651685,8.238735603445708,1.94931595505618,760,28,133,16,20,248,114,178,0.217,0.706,0.077,-0.9795,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,7,16,1,3,5,0,18,3,0,1,0,21,29,7,1,1,5,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,1,3,8,11,0,0,9,2,35,5,21,20,2,17,0,6,0,2,20,3,0,1,13,99,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644014836065803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777585699022983,0.13024070716982156,0.10460189701613032,0.0,0.0,0.14460763067394894,0.0,0.0,0.1061327556271662,0.07748596327251014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009242805312598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736232587899028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237062043621616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146044266725645,0.0,0.3730181818290942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820599495929942,0.0,0.0,0.12193689033098178,0.0,0.0,0.10166264256072098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360754417529863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971426303156026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420047270773432,0.0,0.22448348742940386,0.0,0.0,0.2844104089931951,0.13875716881549952,0.0,0.22944610212693745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809844988919586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509936052983226,0.0934415451895736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913790496199494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098881974672753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778212087647886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28798499964572083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571749482446425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903930094408434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411971171932856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630033425289359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488026271288592,0.07497362961003992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450618136233971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24556682887155054
bpd,plskillmepainfully,2019/02/08,"I'm tired of running since i know myself i'm running without any breaks. i mean i can't enjoy anything because i just want to get over it as soon as possible and then take care of the next ""task"". it's just like i'm waiting for something more enjoyable or something bigger event but this thing never comes and i'm missing every interesting thing because of the running. i can't appreciate anything... i mean i can't watch a series or watch a movie without the feeling ""god when this thing will finally end?"". even when i'm enjoying it i want it to end. i just feel time should pass faster, life is too slow and everything what's normal and casual makes me feel i'm bored even when i'm actually not bored.

what's the solution? i just hate this thing. i could live with the other problems but this one makes my life pointless. i literally can't enjoy anything... ",3.4895989974937334,5.261864497076026,4.561875522138681,84.11118421052632,73.61988304093569,7.458813700918964,28.003759398496236,8.192908349453996,1.8974040100250629,683,27,134,11,14,223,93,171,0.17600000000000002,0.7,0.124,-0.8774,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,11,13,1,0,7,0,8,3,0,2,1,33,32,14,0,6,11,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,15,6,0,1,6,1,0,5,8,5,0,1,0,5,15,8,12,29,1,22,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,15,81,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.13135552434422448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153633729747243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323065048641857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410849366751493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723925046680874,0.0,0.0,0.1159506960025969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074715170545928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384409916947697,0.0,0.0,0.17781129053159228,0.0,0.1134109162896247,0.0,0.1209747195087816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204181714413341,0.0,0.0,0.1474537159488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032580388288301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289503689678478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397564759355144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015165233913411,0.06576143480715642,0.0,0.11885909853668836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797003965964286,0.0,0.0,0.2932496415717906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381603875933283,0.0,0.1431544473497004,0.0,0.1318847838602109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121215196151508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174744569683898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287992585684248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134703804448301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725173832337854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120656366032124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577035798959713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848953363689287,0.1547091896766003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878759068682693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25950974467289584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tobi2x4,2019/02/08,"Diagnosis Process So, I had an initial assessment with the mental health facility in town today, and while it isn't an official diagnosis (waiting on meeting the psychiatrist for that), the therapist conducting my assessment did the screening test thingy, and I exceeded the required criteria for diagnosis. 

I'm not overly surprised (I wrote a research paper on BPD a few years back, and noticed things that seemed familiar at the time), but it's nice having someone who is essentially like... confirming my suspicion. 

Also, I learned that I have a lot more repressed trauma memories than I thought. Woo (very sarcastic woo). 

(I'm pretty new to like, actually posting on Reddit. I hope I got this right)",7.044663023679418,9.102398803278687,7.783551912568302,63.40234061930784,65.0655737704918,11.651730418943536,40.6047358834244,11.429527900616536,5.688620036429873,562,33,83,19,9,187,89,122,0.11199999999999999,0.742,0.146,0.7587,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,11,0,6,1,0,0,0,15,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,10,5,11,9,3,15,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,3,8,58,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.2159026554731274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769290962165392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012331533454936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27864962318548503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694938721389716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23517249051660186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197456465895624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617771271471145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809410843500846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229623550991685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367925577229546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518882577534135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189101289244605,0.225085131088536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894154021191087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141262594946108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745969337873805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568818435977934,0.1469849729528712,0.0,0.0,0.1756433696164887,0.12900941032860047,0.0,0.20971385670200965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825498309941442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247416354841552
bpd,quietaway,2019/02/08,"My mind is slipping Yesterday I had an episode. Everything around me was going super fast, and my arms were moving without control. They were normal movements, but i couldn’t control what I was doing. I felt sad about something, and my arms just grabbed the scissors and started going at my arm. Then I just stopped. Then I got really dizzy and stumbled a bit, then i heard a voice. Then more.  I was talking to people in posters in my room. I remembered all their names. I don’t know why it happened.

Today I felt it. It was starting on (like my surroundings starting to get fast and my mind getting foggy) .. mostly when I’m upset or stressed i noticed , but I would try to ground myself and that would ward off the issues. But it’s getting harder to keep a grip now. It’s exhausting. I feel it slipping more and more and I’m trying to keep a grip but you can only hold on for so long. 

I don’t know what’s going on. Is there somebody who knows? ",1.2319624819624837,3.6834818571428585,2.4948460798460808,92.47713203463205,84.92592592592592,4.706204906204906,23.40572390572391,6.1124844417494595,0.5365322751322754,737,28,148,6,22,236,109,189,0.107,0.879,0.013999999999999999,-0.9484,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,2,3,8,6,0,2,7,0,16,4,3,2,1,39,38,19,0,4,8,0,6,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,10,9,0,6,7,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,11,8,27,2,16,24,6,31,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,2,16,104,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462807299493975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528417674001458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140397551836733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258213486161018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707872927901807,0.0,0.26884043960746085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942983268699,0.0,0.2386925978031785,0.0,0.1119693439165663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379993960394026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612174068403413,0.0,0.2488736527027879,0.0,0.0,0.2308180365971705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839604545448569,0.0,0.0,0.12389399520387134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827165316004053,0.0,0.0,0.14879592327179506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371685045819038,0.0,0.15938887048443875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064749342379294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705711951976108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968642721122481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859066150520518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777744856430936,0.0,0.0,0.2972743244407061,0.0,0.0,0.11704475794355368,0.16036745692823587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252524439173177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327019172818737,0.0,0.0,0.1900991664721948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632659373937802,0.0,0.0,0.1349532620796603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989013989411416,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MarytheLune,2019/02/08,"Falling apart, nothing I do is ever enough It’s my second to last semester and I’m taking 18 hours so I can graduate this summer 
I’m taking the required math class for the 4th time. I couldn’t access my homework for the first two weeks. I’ve done half of the first assignment. There’s 10 more and I have 2 tests Monday and 2 papers due next week
I’m applying for grad schools 
I’ve gained 15-20 pounds since last semester due to not having time to exercise, binge drinking and revolving between being too depressed to eat and eating like shit when I do
I got raped for the third time last semester. I’ve been having nightmares every night 
It’s been overcast here for 3 months and will be for another 2. The weather makes my mood and energy so much worse 
I don’t know what to do. Even if I work as much as I possibly can I’m still always behind. Still fat, hated for my mental illness and stuck with all these bad memories. I don’t even know what it’s like to be happy for long periods of time. Everything is just stress and depression 
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bpd,Cubez,2019/02/08,DAE DAE: I reached out to my therapist via email tonight to tell her about my progress after starting DBT. I have never done anything like this. Letting some one in on my accomplishments In a genuine way.   I felt so proud to do this. After I email her I received an out of the office response. Kinda sent me down a notch. However I look forward to her response to me email. DEA do shit like this or have ever been in a similar situation? ,2.0782428940568494,4.485516023255818,3.504108527131784,86.9593669250646,80.62790697674419,6.14780361757106,28.16020671834625,7.3871296695380915,1.7131540051679583,342,16,67,5,9,112,57,86,0.09,0.816,0.094,0.0954,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,3,4,1,0,5,0,7,1,1,0,2,8,11,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,4,2,14,3,16,6,1,17,0,0,1,0,9,8,1,3,9,51,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015244321108014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862092870451723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529861691118667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685362320477015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859912934700909,0.0,0.27327460645621104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486038678633064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570611422176625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895181043753215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287087043715818,0.0,0.3143715375085945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979586282638949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444522581145964,0.0,0.0,0.3247295192153993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199661244686905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bananaguard5000,2019/02/08,"How often do you swap your “personality”? How do stop the spending? I’ve lurked on a lot of great advice about how to manage splitting, b&w thinking, and loneliness etc. (so far failing all, but still determined) but I haven’t seen anyone mention this particular issue...
I seem to latch on to different styles, looks,  and interests (especially when stressed.)  I change my hair frequently, color moreso than cut, but I try all sorts of styles to look different. My wardrobe is fit to burst with different me’s. 
It seems to happen at times of great stress (ever 3-4 months), like I must shed the “old me” to get past the problem. Obviously this kills my wallet. I just can’t seem to manage the spending, and I feel guilty as heck!
Any suggestions on how I stop this? (at least the spending$)
Also how do you all deal with the urges to be other than you are? ",3.777195767195767,5.887582098765434,4.4376719576719585,83.85666666666667,73.69135802469134,7.591534391534393,25.7689594356261,8.418075326091056,1.7507922398589062,668,23,128,12,14,213,106,162,0.156,0.748,0.096,-0.8706,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,4,0,1,13,10,2,2,7,0,9,1,1,5,6,31,19,15,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,5,0,3,0,2,6,0,0,1,6,17,4,23,16,6,17,0,1,4,0,8,7,1,6,11,85,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358564770350107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118057957120056,0.0,0.15063669618379344,0.0,0.09454375492142084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721155612728062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707310779495175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333168363055185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43576376597788585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505288420643618,0.0,0.1257587156006365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029669504980836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263635145622974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065575512248859,0.0,0.0,0.12294193291610217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510903073323342,0.0,0.0,0.1538137977912012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792202047022991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334968800184281,0.0,0.0,0.11819656821249053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097076151277087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588641788263318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271788357529699,0.0,0.12139381956369055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303094591365208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796973979669017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102787867530063,0.23246713730738866,0.3185120315029552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908347917863914,0.0,0.0,0.08106829977200676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943908334955588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yeahcoolstory_,2019/02/08,"I’m seeing a new psychiatrist next week. I feel like the last year alone has put 10 years on my mind and body. I don’t really feel like I have much fight left in me. It’s been so long since I have felt relief that lasted longer than a few moments. I feel like a self loathing tornado destroying the life’s of those closest to me. The thing is that I know people care. I know I am loved. I know she cares. I know she loves me. But it makes no difference when my mind is a prison cell distorting my reality, You learn to hate in prison, and I suppose my mental incarceration has left me ultimately hating myself. “I’m not worthy,” has become my mantra and flows in my veins. I analyze my behaviors and actions all day long yet I can’t stop. I can’t stop the knee jerk explosions that are always accompanied by days of introspective torture. I’m not sure what I’m looking for right now? I suppose I’m seeking advice. Maybe not so much kind words (although graciously appreciated) as they aren’t necessarily going to be helpful right now. Thanks all",3.051912393162393,4.988551221153847,4.517628205128204,83.2551495726496,75.25,7.891452991452991,24.536324786324787,8.680891452615391,1.6653100427350431,826,27,169,17,18,275,128,208,0.207,0.649,0.14400000000000002,-0.9091,1,1,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,6,17,6,0,8,0,15,6,3,1,3,26,39,10,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,9,0,0,4,8,6,0,0,2,6,31,11,13,36,5,31,0,0,2,2,10,9,0,0,21,96,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445768627090022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213109377247119,0.0,0.0,0.09746120749600096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936043713051454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010457693657054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23884286019195305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510777999405862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237549876911526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767273029946068,0.25103222182023016,0.11246278118858144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656744904714591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128245461687186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785094996701889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197245055662395,0.2574854525319478,0.19095250875013106,0.0,0.0,0.2545232990237106,0.0,0.08273209807038512,0.17167081348349258,0.0,0.0,0.20731201442069752,0.0983593613703674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114280681010376,0.0,0.07818491531163588,0.0,0.11767242315516355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803908428057182,0.0,0.2365350055088117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220746133118064,0.0,0.0,0.1131244943564462,0.1245686548778914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120291434787527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774759607735945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503621890939427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005607116282184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093337123735761,0.0,0.12219171435544733,0.0,0.0,0.09689081275942404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585117508506045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039325870119633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078371957674186,0.0,0.0,0.07781569943789239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395429731015438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085524003740766
bpd,iwrestledatyranitar,2019/02/08,"Hard Vent I’m in the middle of an episode after a massively triggering event

I’m freezing to death in my room with 4 layers of clothes on and violently shaking and nauseous  

It only feels like one long blur of abuse

If this is real life I just cannot handle it. I don’t want to be stuck in a facility forever but that will soon be against my will most likely. I’m am over the hedge of functioning. I cannot understand this pain, loneliness, emptiness, and feeling completely alien to everyone else. I have no idea who I am or what I look like. Maybe people take pity and just play along, I’ll never know for sure. 

I may call the hotline just to hear a reasonable voice. Hopefully they don’t send anyone to get me. ",3.5956628787878806,5.009305270833334,4.757121212121213,84.2727272727273,72.68055555555556,8.56969696969697,27.674242424242426,9.095868883498916,2.183591666666667,565,21,116,12,11,186,103,144,0.218,0.688,0.094,-0.9521,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,10,1,1,7,0,13,2,0,2,2,27,27,7,1,3,6,0,4,3,0,3,2,2,1,0,7,6,0,0,6,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,7,11,6,19,21,1,14,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,6,8,72,18,0,0.0,0.23364885605658164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378862954389403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136247474893834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067596538469289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473466302138914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843232695860312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199419724324294,0.14087917821584034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302846508687576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665178736569148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225787825704124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586334308835876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261394156327888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837554645040184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928765682408778,0.289024766842703,0.0,0.0,0.17451512407901176,0.16559769776824174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811314443096856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209221273298554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362731024754146,0.1499789100291782,0.2098338975580275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367131250216823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244559103281427,0.0,0.2027536647365408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585795226156773,0.0,0.14826928858154154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529136600588213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631322245922265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ckroach,2019/02/08,"Need advice? Maybe? Just wanted to start with saying i apologize for any repetition.
 
So my girlfriend just moved in with me a couple of weeks ago after a short time of us being together. It was her idea and i thought hey why not?? We want to be around each other all the time and we get lots of stuff done so this could be super fun! It was her idea and i was game from the moment she brought it up. We’ve known each other for 3 years. The way we met was through my best friend. My best friend dated my girlfriend for years and they had a really long history together. My best friend died of a drug overdose 3 years ago and me and my girlfriend became friends and were there for each other because we shared this common tragedy and were the two closest people to my best friend at the time she died. I was in another relationship so me and my current gf were just friends and would talk from time to time and were always there for one another when we were struggling. I ended my relationship with the person i was with for those 3 years back in December. I then started to hangout with my now gf and was going to her shows and we became close in a different way and are now dating obviously. She asked to move in with me after about a week of officially dating. 

So now we’re caught up. She’s living with me and basically i need advice or something? She moved from a city that’s about 25 minutes down the freeway. She’s a super talented  drop dead stunningly beautiful and interesting in every way trans grrl who i would say i’m definitely in love with at this point. She makes music and is a kick ass skateboarder and all of this fun stuff and pretty much the coolest sweetest girl i’ve ever met. She has a lot going on all the time and definitely has a lot more going for her and more friends than i do that’s for sure! So she’s busy a lot. People want to see her often etc etc which is great! She’s so inspiring and makes me want to do more things for myself and work harder in my own art and business. This past week she’s been missing her city a lot. We live in a suburb outside of the city she lived in and i’m not going to lie i know it’s not as great as her city i know that. But i’m out there every week anyway even before we started dating and she’s out there every week too so we still go there super often and theres also a train that goes to that city as well which makes things easy or so i thought. She’s only lived with me for two weeks and i know it takes time getting used to living in a new place but she’s been really depressed this past week and it’s also starting to make me depressed and anxious like i can’t make her happy enough here with me. It was her idea to live with me here though and i kept telling her are you sure? Are you sure you want to leave that city and be here in this apartment with me? It’s a cute little apartment and she’s never had a whole place like this to herself like we have. All her things are here and everything is so cute. She was really super excited to live here with me and only about a week into it she kind of changed how she’s been acting about it and i finally got out of her that she’s having a hard time adjusting. I want her to be happy and i know it’s really hard on her being away from what she knows even though it’s only 20-25 minutes down the road. She doesn’t drive but i do and i’ve been taking her everywhere she needs to/wants to be. But i too have my issues i have bpd and severe anxiety comes with that at times. I’m trying not to stress her out further but it’s hard to be happy and fun to be around when i feel like she already is sick of me and living here with me. It’s only been two weeks though. I’m feeling hopeless and like the longer she stays here with me the more depressed she’s going to get. All of our things are together and i’ve made many changed to accommodate her living here with me. I guess i didn’t expect her to like not like it??? Not sure what to do. Not sure if if she decides to move out if our relationship will still work out. I’m worried and i feel really bad. I don’t know what to do and it’s breaking my heart ",1.5847015570934246,3.4354762641291816,3.008943339100348,92.79272296712809,79.32295271049597,5.9958996539792375,19.834039792387546,6.961326702584282,0.17291235294117646,3239,78,725,36,80,1056,289,867,0.075,0.765,0.16,0.9971,2,0,2,0,0,1,49.0,13,3,1,10,55,53,0,2,33,0,59,5,2,8,13,167,119,76,3,16,20,0,6,7,12,3,2,2,0,2,48,86,0,1,18,4,0,15,12,8,1,4,32,9,120,45,112,74,27,118,0,5,1,2,93,42,1,13,62,516,168,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289794870430983,0.07519944747857077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680773191155763,0.06784102004819142,0.035293978250360965,0.0,0.0,0.02884471729591897,0.08895492913163035,0.032448554517011764,0.04791864267905874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551946762387476,0.03965376049364817,0.0,0.03985175710965437,0.03261571864966402,0.03541605827802813,0.02585674304574391,0.0,0.03609337089792037,0.0,0.17805426346596914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342217610666899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974219861911628,0.03653811311666173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03386617400616557,0.046933120069675135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959997040891443,0.0,0.08804339115102151,0.04431628032221385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340687055977885,0.0,0.0,0.04918974659312607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037568484823917635,0.04382764813463464,0.09461135988450536,0.05603147950675013,0.03836820953444441,0.10721335095638636,0.0,0.03812127169611202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434126602760097,0.030302401008888712,0.0,0.04646527134851298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293965189280374,0.0,0.0664827103039226,0.0,0.14463786110684387,0.0,0.03392440017554054,0.0935288206752572,0.046726626116695015,0.0,0.0,0.13545965981010327,0.11399072668121735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026383126080225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364940964699582,0.0,0.044271871495518485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441703230207296,0.13986620207562794,0.0,0.0,0.04491301563979139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505813061707112,0.042512539253752486,0.33709141931003384,0.03753732339250385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030522472217966,0.03828260406777767,0.04013557740278191,0.14156692551897726,0.04300373723481856,0.042613138603644185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032837449946185,0.031181054241616882,0.0943540317895562,0.03271426820436927,0.040966180760312464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028742560768322906,0.12903882978696118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098281763875173,0.058812607938957276,0.0370365066386114,0.0886325606444277,0.0,0.04009736218246955,0.0,0.0,0.04315289349593065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586568165011462,0.0,0.0,0.13661854378773766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746270658383025,0.0,0.0,0.03380050893804458,0.0,0.0,0.04791864267905874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265434240392478,0.0,0.0,0.12009064614155684,0.045210412344989605,0.067747843842598,0.0,0.04858802948797408,0.044343001163178214,0.09711363288674063,0.0,0.0,0.19988554275537598,0.0,0.06378395298440682,0.0340928265458097,0.03707394555771777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112718718516197,0.0,0.12502217305712188,0.067348025928424,0.22260095037214173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028798061910789145,0.0,0.12430445574834124,0.0,0.05102190255152138,0.03663429153081494,0.0,0.0,0.17512871440354566,0.10100487989758797,0.30621607405548923,0.0,0.038137584068874256,0.0,0.03827435054027792,0.04735657769177711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061759525935769236,0.043076078570923125,0.0,0.060263018582855064,0.0,0.0,0.10925950329625693
bpd,JimmyKnifeFingers,2019/02/08,"I've been falling apart. I took a long hike into the woods today, to my favorite place by the lake, with the intention of watching the sunrise and killing myself. I couldn't do it. I could never kill myself because I have so many people depending on me, but I really wish I could just turn it all off. It's been an overwhelming week. My great uncle died and I had to help clean out his house this past weekend. We were very close. The funeral was yesterday. Everyone was bawling, but I couldn't because I just felt so numb. The woman I've been seeing has been so distant the past month and we finally called it off tonight. I really did love her and it hurts so much. I called my best friend and confessed everything to him. He was supportive and brought me back down to reality. He reminded me that I was homeless and addicted to heroin three years ago with no job and no car. Now I have my own apartment, a nice car, and make 60k a year. I really hate putting my issues on other people. I cut myself this morning for the first time since I was a teenager, I'm 28 now. I think I need to go back to therapy, which I haven't done in years. I thought I had it all together until all this just kinda fell on me.

Everything is supposed to be better. I worked so hard for everything to be better. Years of therapy and hard work and here I am again, falling apart. I barely fit the criteria anymore until shit like this happens. I hate it so much. It makes me feel so weak that I can't keep the BPD symptoms at bay when things get emotionally overwhelming. It doesn't help that as a guy, it just feels so emasculating. I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to be tough. But really I'm just falling apart.",2.563663751214776,4.427951921282801,3.9372215743440258,87.1986797862002,76.43440233236151,7.488785228377067,25.427502429543253,8.344100000000001,1.630793275024296,1331,48,276,25,30,438,179,343,0.163,0.6709999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.6855,1,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,2,0,0,7,20,22,6,2,16,0,31,6,1,4,4,48,56,26,4,6,8,0,5,1,1,0,4,0,1,2,20,18,0,1,6,1,0,10,8,12,0,2,18,7,44,10,31,30,7,53,1,3,2,1,16,17,1,2,27,188,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517296217346954,0.0,0.0,0.08552005684299635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567816057906388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836801101174554,0.0,0.11762161607248002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124549609946773,0.1706501721038338,0.0,0.0,0.12150800811723528,0.0,0.1970253438618529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405629818689354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012674385714283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872833277682544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852239270152184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218684876612944,0.2601189315898497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756221909473996,0.0,0.09263198533475923,0.10568462349626837,0.0,0.08206234407357366,0.0,0.0,0.0745370344980705,0.0,0.05040467144290405,0.0,0.054829472459584035,0.0,0.0,0.10636501103130748,0.0,0.0955263005594021,0.08531331228724874,0.0,0.17284689807736778,0.19049993889385006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933151297216208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113202257555227,0.10327943727351936,0.0,0.0,0.10069576556188092,0.09573743589595347,0.08575220521523365,0.2134725598303944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713324742919084,0.0,0.0,0.08537812810860504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707325880039812,0.0,0.12879681352362254,0.097811411548761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770061362070293,0.0,0.141841761905366,0.07153565114786391,0.07440815511874453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419430993148256,0.13376847151590476,0.0,0.10079677283016973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698491783474177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24721970615098104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687879479506829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903111628735113,0.07980585445022889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947969844773914,0.0,0.10027539128674716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065717990528924,0.0,0.06409429549014875,0.06181785578390282,0.0,0.07659108143452383,0.0562558682054011,0.0,0.09144786456604068,0.0,0.1071882653281378,0.0,0.1049380662642568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960271430717597,0.0,0.0,0.07738714087088111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109425140600112,0.0,0.0,0.1404711961515033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850924430518245
bpd,sneakachu777,2019/02/08,"He’s gone. The love of my life left me an hour ago and I feel like I’m suffocating. To preface this, I’m 19 and he’s 20. We go to different universities about an hour away from each other. He’s very very stressed about his work for classes right now and I’ve been trying to help him with things.

We got into a stupid argument, one of our ONLY arguments, mind you, and I devolved into panicking and freaking out... you know, saying I couldn’t trust him, and I couldn’t trust anyone, I didn’t need friends, and I wanted to die, etc... neither of us called each other names or said anything particularly hurtful but I think he’s really done with me. He said he needs to leave cause he wants to still love me and not dislike me... and he said he couldn’t deal with me and he had too much on his plate.

He said I tried to weaponize things against him, but I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad or hurt his feelings. In my stupidity I just wanted him to see that I was not worth being with... but I didn’t want it to come to this.

He blocked me on Discord, and before I could even try his phone number or Facebook those were blocked too. It looks like we don’t have relationship status anymore. I sent him an email in my sobbing saying I understood if he needed space but I wanted to settle this civilly. But who knows if he’ll even care. I thought it was really strange that he blocked me so quickly on everything even though we don’t really use our phone numbers much...

Our 1-year anniversary was coming up on the 24th. I feel so fucking stupid and worthless. He was my only friend, my FP, my best buddy... he’d say that to me too. He’s always so nice and caring to me, and makes sure I’m happy...

You know, It feels so shitty that he would make sure to block me everywhere to send me into a panic about it... I feel like he might have done that to stick it to me. I don’t understand why he didn’t say something like he needed some space. I’ve never done anything in this relationship to disrespect that. I think that would have been much more mature after the whole debacle. But maybe he really hates me now and doesn’t care...

I’ve lost someone really special and I’m not sure what to do other than leaving him alone for now. I know this is mostly all my fault but I just want this to be settled in some peaceful way, whether it’s the outcome I’d like it to be or not.",2.3238498522562243,3.9478757987679702,3.5319667451294627,90.89623428657286,76.43326488706366,6.55820103170231,22.76100565933791,7.3138001815848295,0.6772520558922217,1842,53,405,22,41,598,215,487,0.16399999999999998,0.685,0.151,-0.7395,1,1,1,0,0,0,66.0,8,3,0,3,21,37,6,2,9,0,35,4,0,5,5,103,89,35,1,18,20,0,6,5,2,4,1,8,0,0,29,32,0,4,15,0,1,6,17,16,0,1,25,16,66,21,52,52,14,35,0,5,2,3,69,18,2,10,15,258,95,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166664360580702,0.0,0.0,0.07205007596367165,0.0,0.0,0.05788503110521736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899143016380607,0.048642623754127735,0.0,0.11449486172892212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536016380829263,0.0,0.05808525240497315,0.0,0.0,0.059196100884345626,0.0,0.07300591411113297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103533434002549,0.0,0.21278352813406665,0.07146411927823135,0.0,0.11985102950315805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555433145522933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172016822524696,0.0,0.0,0.07219920632400764,0.0726823495702881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135725279856128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758521115093474,0.13784436162646566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252202520913942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104995072742508,0.09939686665638796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074940525417268,0.0643132529838105,0.0,0.0,0.039536334072683435,0.0,0.055638810265513816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405499946750638,0.0,0.06868267089825447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662906347277103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370182871009539,0.0,0.14894508926360706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529280604240855,0.0,0.0,0.14732208927520654,0.07558437587382938,0.0,0.04913698684064259,0.16993377217558892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584184706786713,0.0,0.07594022341190161,0.0,0.1255732471716683,0.0,0.1393088502918003,0.0,0.06988905688288781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379922905534135,0.07024249187509876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534184909844503,0.20633117737717835,0.053654094167606935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714016686687779,0.10581715417590684,0.0,0.08162148246953675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222830907659666,0.0,0.0,0.1493771090468634,0.0,0.0594095445745564,0.2646952838727606,0.22128878990892603,0.0,0.0,0.05543561843246951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894360232919674,0.0535558109194526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555560217712222,0.0,0.0796883700188667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669725148810385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243399088035044,0.08915100905743384,0.06834888683576262,0.05522815461730979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892477324615067,0.0,0.0,0.07242134285214066,0.08368012229428906,0.06008325527194248,0.0,0.11479955450093934,0.2461932986031759,0.05521877389561798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277308712098277,0.07766868765203946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064535449186602,0.0,0.0,0.098836313674194,0.0,0.0,0.04479864597567538
bpd,thevanishingbee,2019/02/08,"Those of you who have tried Lamictal, what was your experience? I was prescribed this today and I was just curious what others experiences on it have been. 
What's your dose? 
How do you feel on it, was it effective for you?
Google searches don't really give you this type of information.",3.856666666666662,6.285670592592592,5.010888888888889,78.37300000000002,74.55555555555556,9.505185185185187,25.61481481481481,9.888512548439397,2.7566859259259258,228,8,43,7,5,75,37,54,0.0,0.89,0.11,0.7131,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,6,11,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,8,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,36,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7517231670967978,0.0,0.0,0.19428387511889333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685991320962112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461547254789547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642156905427751,0.0,0.0,0.2608745246732534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Unleaked,2019/02/08,"had a breakdown and destroyed my phone basically I took this pay-day loan thing (im a reckless fucking spender) for $200 and I was paying it off but a bunch of random fees came in at once so my bank account went into the negative/bounced back and the loan agency basically grilled my ass and demanded the payment back.

long story short I HAD the money but accidentally deposited it in the wrong place and it needs a few business days to reverse the transaction and they needed it NOW. so I had a nervous breakdown threw a bunch of bills on the floor and kicked my chair but unfortunately my phone was in the hand carrying the bills so it has completely stopped working. and I dont have the money to fix it :)

my life is over basically, my entire body hurts cuz I kept punching it because of how fucking stupid I am. and when I told my ""friend"" this the only thing he had to say was 'LMAOOO'.",2.298888888888889,4.692628181818186,3.576742424242425,86.83441919191921,79.68181818181819,6.411111111111111,26.2550505050505,7.594959193182576,1.4866058080808082,704,29,141,11,18,229,105,176,0.192,0.764,0.044000000000000004,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,8,8,4,1,17,0,12,6,3,2,0,21,22,18,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,11,11,0,2,0,0,12,5,1,7,0,0,13,2,17,1,15,9,3,23,0,1,0,3,8,11,3,1,7,96,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28144319248002303,0.0,0.11155977257617106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203280257153536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931201234986432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918800524915988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360496052117007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144836177336058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413912662445131,0.33837527047014426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591348799235744,0.0,0.19767968000624664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926372435612754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195602258866926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713957260449921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489718806892373,0.0,0.13918557413689991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912040563431211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553503878176727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300260057155032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431643185009382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174871664346559,0.20332824700304608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964993681336776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323175806824306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009015015613116,0.0,0.0
bpd,traderhoez,2019/02/08,"“Just be yourself.” But I don’t know who that is
",-3.2654545454545456,-1.9371607272727256,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,110.8181818181818,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.7490363636363635,36,1,10,0,2,12,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,diagnosedandupset,2019/02/08,"Learning Accommodations Hello all! I was diagnosed with BPD on Monday after (yet another) discharge from the mental hospital. For reference, I am an 18 year old college student and a music major. Up until this point, most doctors and psychiatrists seemed pretty sure that I had bipolar disorder, and even now they are considering that it may be commorbid due to my bad reactions to antidepressants. My therapist suggested that I apply for learning accommodations, which I did, but I filled out the forms as if I were diagnosed bipolar and needed relevant accommodations.  Now, with this new diagnosis, I'm a bit lost. What school accommodations have you guys received due to BPD or similar/commorbid conditions? If you didn't, what would have helped you have an easier time getting through school?",8.608222222222219,10.362886562962967,8.877777777777775,58.13000000000002,61.148148148148145,12.814814814814815,39.444444444444436,12.261556223090626,5.871666666666667,646,33,92,23,9,213,96,135,0.053,0.885,0.061,0.2621,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,1,1,4,3,0,0,6,0,13,5,0,0,2,21,18,10,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,6,0,13,1,15,9,5,18,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,6,12,71,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822722620503969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513788315637005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897735387671812,0.0,0.4378568327881374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35286051681938513,0.0,0.0,0.1992202511247362,0.1779188085063885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481077682174555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908171820840923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211558340480507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651225200533985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975218004702252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517624735799622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889016176127185,0.0,0.16788273584476401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240169158863725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432224675122534,0.0,0.0,0.17684406223030355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518434360505168,0.0,0.158245135007896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382943760331212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182598697367715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013596414748152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234813722219732,0.0,0.0,0.11193857951841273
bpd,likes_to_go_topless,2019/02/08,"Letter to my upwBPD ""girlfriend"" You are the light of my life. My best friend. The closest thing that a non-BPD codependent could ever have to an FP.

When your abusive ex texted you over the holiday break asking if you wanted to hook up and you asked me for my thoughts and my devasted and jealous reply led you to tell me that you could ""hook up with him and I would never know,"" I still loved you.

When I said that we've been dating for over 4 months and asked if you could see yourself committing to me as more than just two people who act like they are dating without a label, and your reply was simply ""we never dated,"" I still loved you.

When you told me you were going to sleep, but instead spoofed your iphone location and lied to me about sneaking out of your apartment in the middle of the night to fulfill your substance abuse cravings, I still loved you.

I still love you. Maybe I'm not a non after all.

​

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bpd,CallMeMoots,2019/02/08,"2 days until I start new job And I slashed my arm up yesterday, it’s gonna be way to hot to wear a long sleeve. I’m thinking blame it on the cat 🤔 but they’re too symmetrical 🤷🏼‍♂️ ",-3.4577142857142853,-1.97973664444444,0.5526984126984118,102.55,104.33333333333331,4.34920634920635,15.317460317460318,6.1826913282559595,-0.7665873015873017,141,4,41,2,7,52,41,45,0.092,0.9079999999999999,0.0,-0.2846,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988090769991857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597828508696951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100318624195749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44748633826998696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32794687291439945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968827157420857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677692429374087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Itsathing12345,2019/02/08,"28/f SAHM Feeling guilty over my limitations *sigh* the last couple of years have been really transformative for me. My husband puts me in my place (not that he's at all gentle about it, but I'm proud of my ability to see that through my emotional fog) I had a baby which really matured me. My outbursts have become tamer - I'm no longer making personal attacks, but I wish I could be happier. Because of my disorder I can't trust myself, with even the most menial tasks which I know frustrates my husband. I get depressed often and shut down and isolate. Becoming a mother has really forced me to grow up but I'm far from perfect. I wish I didn't have such a maleable personality. I wish I could trust my own instincts. I feel so helpless. I hate how hard life is for me and the burden I am to my family. ",3.251251791686573,4.891315204968947,4.924472049689445,81.8149259436216,73.96894409937889,8.183659818442429,27.291447682752032,8.841846274778883,2.152726325848065,632,24,125,13,13,214,106,161,0.256,0.579,0.165,-0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,3,0,6,0,13,1,0,2,2,23,26,8,0,5,4,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,3,4,29,4,17,20,3,12,0,2,1,0,6,8,0,2,2,86,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760776961782981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434875487271012,0.34187130485258593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471487877751259,0.17125441642172046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330656435051988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177384339729049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409984608418386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222672507100274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590709240569102,0.0,0.156516705033794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086299354151996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864704602562794,0.1528072189289309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505970757972484,0.12616141530470115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932140826015684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331280417060676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702852621465817,0.16170582124723928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559055460522458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974564399918961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233347884041931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339471644851458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099669340370668
bpd,durktrain,2019/02/08,"Lots of contact with my ex lately is just so hard I'm suing our old landlord because he hasn't returned our deposit and so I've had to talk to my ex a lot lately. I feel like there's no bad blood on her end but even just talking to her makes me want to scream. I have been doing awful since we broke up about a month and a half ago. Constant loneliness, relapsing into full blown self harm again, and just every day is a struggle. Every night I have dreams about her and I wake up and it's like my heart gets torn out of my chest again. I don't know anymore. Also dealing with legal issues so I haven't been able to smoke and my anxiety and depression are at an all time high. I know that we weren't right for each other and it was for the best that she left me but I just can't stand feeling like this while she is doing fine. I hate myself and I hate that I wasn't good enough and I just can't see a future where I'm ever going to be good enough for anyone. Everything feels so hopeless. I just needed to get this out it's tearing me apart and all of my friends are sick of me talking about how much I miss being with her",2.415555555555557,3.3492270370370365,3.6116255144032965,93.21398148148151,74.92592592592592,6.223045267489714,21.730452674897126,6.139981653823899,0.10265267489711903,882,20,204,5,18,287,138,243,0.248,0.654,0.098,-0.9915,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,4,0,0,1,21,18,2,1,7,1,22,5,4,2,3,42,39,20,0,2,8,2,4,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,9,20,0,0,5,1,1,1,8,10,0,1,6,6,35,8,27,31,10,31,0,4,1,0,20,13,0,2,19,144,44,1,0.12414727932753512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004907250565817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928053442505322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949723288795179,0.0,0.12312074172382526,0.08680666427383386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365779260317,0.0756790291846789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028491037578308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415910482407972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006472471809227,0.12799039369794665,0.1069278697700156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995764061945223,0.2565546524099301,0.0,0.08199810713496,0.11229832171763206,0.2091988745234006,0.0,0.11157556959680627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831778390911846,0.17738168231478085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591588004781204,0.0,0.1297236589172893,0.0,0.07055575981701302,0.20825769554432794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121157726669663,0.2451394720906295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471151237489737,0.0,0.13116841676815602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957750514217187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645619597314235,0.0,0.2800870771126504,0.0,0.13488638223940372,0.0,0.0,0.1819562692744024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109115467109815,0.0,0.0,0.08286927297055258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990931739251056,0.0,0.09126253487477813,0.09205363455690282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650381168154912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027168583402687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602109821650517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989293082216064,0.0,0.12951268785417944,0.0,0.0,0.10269591236232307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297856916173669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299354641524338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239127694185972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322528189247499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hoarderline,2019/02/08,"In your opinion, should I ghost her? For about a month I have been talking to someone from a dating app.

I have BPD and have been recovering pretty well, but this relationship has been causing mind games.

We plan on meeting, but I am wanting to sever contact.

We have little arguments every few days.

She keeps telling me, ""You're going to ghost me just like everyone else"", and I genuinely did not have plans to (at the time) and said nothing that would allude to that. It just seemed manipulative. I wanted to ghost her because her behavior reminded me of my abusers.

She will often ""try"" me, she will say things to me that are shocking and make me mad, and then she will later admit she's said it for shock factor/to get my reaction

She will get mad at me for not responding quickly, but she hardly responds to my texts.",5.697531645569619,6.3297725506329146,6.031493670886079,79.96129113924053,67.16455696202532,8.851645569620256,30.98987341772152,8.841846274778883,2.415937215189873,645,24,123,10,10,207,99,158,0.179,0.769,0.052000000000000005,-0.975,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,2,1,0,2,6,6,2,0,3,0,18,0,0,3,0,27,29,9,3,4,7,0,1,1,0,6,0,3,0,0,7,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,6,4,29,2,18,17,1,13,0,0,0,0,25,5,0,3,8,92,36,0,0.0,0.2198425566824658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310757598015925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336896349366444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906076223808298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966230317626107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550004999128969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633113856004424,0.17729787005750985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938810363384264,0.0,0.1054504933574952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621344196778906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492247582912747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064876921098816,0.18596658733261476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238538957214175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734932301188625,0.0,0.14810164479644378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803710984558033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887677489473335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920776944506152,0.0,0.0,0.3529948960678939,0.14755422207001007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891479159987702,0.0,0.2096150125365414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721315826740556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913544842389947,0.16217603689046547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232690153241817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819380144294713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597406293179955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888055976802726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682881057906268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180708686115816,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShesSoSweet,2019/02/08,"I had my first trauma therapy session yesterday as well as group therapy & I am incredibly proud of myself. It isn’t what I expected to say the least. We didn’t even talk about said trauma at all but I was still a mess. I was talking about how I really struggle with hygiene to my therapist. Brushing my hair, teeth, washing. I said iv been considering shaving my hair off just so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. She asked me “why do you think it’s unsafe for you to shower?” I said I don’t. I’m just lazy, I don’t know, I’m depressed. “You aren’t lazy. I’ll tell you that right now. Did you know women who suffer from sexual assault struggle with hygiene because it’s a safety mechanism?” I said what do you mean? “Unknowingly. You are keeping yourself safe. We are built to protect ourselves and by you not showering you’re subconsciously protecting yourself by saying ‘look, I’m unkept. I’m gross. I smell. I’m not likeable. You don’t want to assault me because I’m dirty’ so they don’t see you as a target” and I just broke down crying. 

After our session I was invited to a group therapy later that night but it was totally my choice to come. I was extremely on the fence about it but decided to give it a go. A can’t tell you how nervous I was but, by the end of the night I was feeling relaxed and happy. I look forward to going again~ ",1.0424824684431968,3.3728082318840613,3.2735624123422165,87.45039971949512,84.43478260869566,6.314913510986442,24.482935951379147,7.601502580125103,1.4190903693314634,1056,43,215,19,31,360,142,276,0.19899999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9873,3,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,3,11,1,2,15,17,2,3,10,0,25,5,3,2,2,34,50,14,0,2,9,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,12,9,0,5,6,1,0,4,11,12,1,1,15,14,43,5,31,35,3,19,0,3,3,0,33,6,0,1,11,146,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311288069861571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002269618245218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314054519048833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475494867889989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425094585702724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293852577850154,0.0,0.12476981475257322,0.10423727998350676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719081373479032,0.0,0.0,0.07993481652564641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061193069089248875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294244507996528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609667628256592,0.13756077823889054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883166330625073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757116160294787,0.0,0.0,0.1330225949112222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325835661218156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318299654941644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227144531421326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753069117887876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335332521560912,0.4604838827338152,0.19248533576388385,0.0,0.0,0.09643998353142093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664944626196813,0.0,0.0,0.2530398763964933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454805468427291,0.21155957773208248,0.0,0.4152024271364029,0.14051749918821868,0.0,0.07754691016735059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138273891469117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881457395425806,0.0,0.10920479755337596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eliz18,2019/02/08,Grief I had a patient I was taking care of die today. I wasn't with him (my night off) and I'd only cared for him for a month. But I'm hurting. I don't know if it's BPD or just being a human. This just sucks. I'm relieved that he's finally at peace because he was really suffering. But I'm sad I'll probably never see his wife again. That's all I have to say. ,-1.0999732262382835,0.6140539156626517,2.365702811244983,94.52745649263723,88.1566265060241,5.616599732262381,17.655957161981252,6.937597516519254,-0.025092637215528242,277,7,69,4,9,101,59,83,0.21899999999999997,0.64,0.141,-0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,11,16,5,2,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,2,9,3,7,11,1,8,0,4,1,0,8,2,1,2,6,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856498542054133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069475842483289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969626321971031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529352807425521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669753243183348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608994605775033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393811326398844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945291330777124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796624038176385,0.0,0.0,0.22870783716938706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185354472449104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627634852558953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612858106522953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938101021139,0.0,0.0,0.19420744943412493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183241602169858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310111205685463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cannibalised,2019/02/08,Any fellow sufferers of BPD in the Houston area? I’m in a tough space right now fighting with my boyfriend and we’re separating. I feel alone and no one really understands. I figure maybe being around those with the same dilemma will be soothing. I’m going to be staying with a friend for the time being in the medical center area. Would anyone like to meet up and cry together and do DBT exercises together? ,3.947582417582417,6.2694545641025625,5.094175824175828,78.38653846153849,73.87179487179488,8.559706959706961,27.809523809523807,9.23628265651192,2.7028293040293043,328,13,58,8,7,108,58,78,0.195,0.711,0.09300000000000001,-0.7757,0,1,0,0,3,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,0,0,13,12,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,12,6,1,14,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,0,3,37,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797031436151078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365165591626856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888338713837924,0.0,0.0,0.24041274422547199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401340704430608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29665080561329715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365516364573036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086494983781026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348265465705302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193882073865226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27131392511362784,0.0,0.0,0.2720594013045915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830012347225643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300885400437885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063176764204615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28785052758999924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747552556823868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811444261458485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918445419262272,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thegallowdance,2019/02/08,"BPD/NPD and Autism Spectrum Hi fellas!
I hope you’re all doing fine.

I’ve just noticed an interesting thing. There have been 3 people with BPD in my life so far. One of them is my mother, the other one is my ex girlfriend and one is a former close friend of mine.

And here’s the interesting pattern: all of these three persons’ brothers are on autism spectum. My uncle, the little brother of ex and older brother of my former friend.

I have NPD with borderline traits and I also show many symptoms associated with autism spectrum. 

I’ve made a small academic literature review but couldn’t find any relevant information. Most of studies focus on differentiating diagnosis, nothing more.

Do you think there may be a relation? Do you guys know anything about this topic? Do you have any family members with autism? ",4.847749096541044,7.268112174496647,5.669261744966445,74.83106866288077,71.5503355704698,7.806091894682499,28.911202891068665,8.617729084823388,2.4927786267423846,650,26,108,12,13,212,98,149,0.0,0.915,0.085,0.8435,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,1,0,7,6,0,0,7,0,15,2,0,1,2,23,19,8,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,2,4,10,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,13,6,14,14,4,10,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,3,3,73,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890264827255065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532423475345361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322526892484487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690202767066239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553110943188052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018179868348088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877125638620142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436551061680886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493684432493648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232967152759244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151730844725135,0.0,0.1866195312269119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618525667735704,0.0,0.18877576885880226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786622126960406,0.2119879061742248,0.0,0.0,0.37851819564308814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908640034753482,0.16258110262303346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353124331853813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370182291648317,0.1193083002282532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LavendarFlower,2019/02/08,"BPD a disorder of contradictions A guy who loves me is reading books on BPD and described the disorder as the mind constantly contradicting itself. It really summed it up for. I hope it helps others to describe the disorder to others who don’t understand. He mentioned it must be exhausting being us, which couldn’t be more true.",5.529499999999999,7.898926283333335,6.396666666666667,70.57500000000002,69.5,10.8,32.0,10.793553405168565,4.2844,267,12,43,9,5,88,46,60,0.21,0.621,0.17,-0.228,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,2,7,10,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,7,5,1,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,1,34,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801113534270951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059723029679166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6553368400478746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872526247491234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775603990217785,0.0,0.0,0.18931010669911894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202512319036636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924529880396122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065288869367544,0.0,0.12210407934540927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984226848688529,0.2292699069345688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,an0nny,2019/02/08,"Mindfulness & Recovery I'm aware Im BPD and I'm aware of DBT, CBT, etc. Im not in therapy but have been working towards my own goals of being aware of my triggers, moods, etc and trying to stay calm when I wnana rage/have an episode. Its been a rollercoaster.

I was diagnosed BPD when I committed myself in 2010 after an abusive relationship ended badly and I wanted to kill myself. My stint in psych was helpful. Since then, I have come a long ways and am working on my codependency, self esteem, and goals in life.

I'm hoping being here in this sub can help me. I'd like to continue to work towards recovery because I know that it can be better than it is now. I hope you all will join me. Hugs to you all and any helpful info is always welcome!",1.8259429824561408,3.9864547960526338,3.7330526315789454,86.34703508771929,79.98684210526315,6.684912280701754,23.949122807017545,7.793537801064563,1.3456749122807017,587,21,118,10,15,198,95,152,0.092,0.672,0.237,0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,0,6,4,10,1,0,4,0,15,3,0,1,3,19,23,10,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,17,7,18,15,5,19,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,9,77,22,6,0.0,0.17144306867356046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040004651104284,0.15677985663419544,0.0,0.0983993722495992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081650398446594,0.08820635189516529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797332356227595,0.0,0.0,0.3644832805379928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246442236538417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686508135970044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815918024494244,0.0,0.3227522850998231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909633788059922,0.0,0.0,0.2874348554190982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125966110274965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008652457859804,0.0,0.07952205102228874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220423809174788,0.07069196883231436,0.0,0.0,0.12805287775433186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610339024333988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553511377080907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095121915315465,0.0,0.0,0.1196954015084008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422845536163104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547438735178702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098240214489038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853464302041803,0.11485426920183388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160248644578848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,atomikcoffee,2019/02/08,"What’s your current obsession / passion / hobby? So right now I am really into the conquest of the Western Frontier. I’ve watched the Ken Burns documentary series on Netflix twice. Now I need to experience the West and the closest thing I can find is Red Dead Redemption 2. But then I would need to buy a tv and a PS4. 

Before that it was the Civil War. So same, watched documentaries, listened to Confederate songs, bought this Civil War game I can play on the laptop. 

Before that it was learning Korean. I learned the alphabet and a couple words but had to put this project on hold. I was really into k-dramas (which led to k-beauty, too) for a couple months, which then led to an interest in North/South Korea and so I watched all the North Korean movies with subtitles that I could find on YouTube. 

Before that was watercolour painting (also on hold). 

I could go on and on since I was like this as a child too. 

What are you passionate about at the moment? ",4.365395962732919,5.946729592391307,5.247670807453417,80.84826086956522,71.01086956521739,8.518012422360249,27.81677018633541,9.04235418022936,2.279550931677018,751,27,142,15,14,245,109,184,0.052000000000000005,0.86,0.08900000000000001,0.8253,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,0,9,8,2,1,16,0,14,2,0,2,1,26,19,14,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,14,8,0,2,4,5,2,4,0,3,0,1,7,6,13,5,22,9,2,26,0,0,4,2,5,15,0,0,8,99,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530224832592638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884741332079655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055547243383136,0.4234501530233605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717696506833886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497807694112716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874858438230778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348391850831307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273370188703694,0.0,0.0,0.28376712181322444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923595476636584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451673513286731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341180898065286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828665328268834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712440205717582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592951205180884,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElementsOfBlank,2019/02/08,"Every morning I wake up with anxiety During the day, I'll have moments of anxiety and fear, but I have my techniques to deal with it and calm down. But every single morning for the last two months, I've woken up feeling sick to my stomach. Just so anxious and awful. There's no specific anxiety that triggers it, just daily life. Even on days off I have it. 

Anyone else have this or had this before and dealt with it? I'm wondering if I should talk to my doctor about taking a medication to help. It's really unbearable some mornings. ",4.107071428571427,5.632326790476192,5.486845238095238,79.10169642857143,71.57142857142857,8.29761904761905,28.36309523809524,8.841846274778883,2.3721666666666668,423,16,77,8,8,142,72,105,0.192,0.736,0.07200000000000001,-0.9129999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,1,6,6,2,1,0,18,11,9,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,7,1,15,8,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,4,5,56,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581525263080126,0.2255267096633626,0.0,0.13958694778659045,0.20454600643327348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987165587694486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574915334499465,0.2058112536837303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043312427445144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676645588749556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185468644596954,0.0,0.3363962043627749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246408761168299,0.10093965668690467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380874932263442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162726271872909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100559318478628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201107678227766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934391455312094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127889015321008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009800196388254,0.16045619333371394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501091387458253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649178605444766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kayayak,2019/02/08,"I'm not depressed, but I want to kill myself because I feel like the longer I live the worst net benefit I have on society. My thought processes are illogical. I feel like even when I think I'm doing good it's actually for my own benefit. If I can't trust myself to not be manipulative to those I care about most then wouldn't they be better off if I were gone?

I don't think I'll ever kill myself because I know I'm too selfish, but I am *certain* that aside from my family and a few people I'd consider close friends, the vast majority of humanity would be better off with me out of the picture.",2.0367781818181783,3.797832736000004,4.606618181818182,82.27530909090909,77.64,8.065454545454546,25.763636363636365,8.841846274778883,1.97948,472,18,100,11,11,167,81,125,0.22699999999999998,0.581,0.191,-0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,2,5,16,2,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,2,23,24,7,2,5,6,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,2,20,11,13,16,5,10,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,3,5,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.1975773773022232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24684249812651105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581290258915689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064273376055174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438346380585162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337267260488094,0.18314187276735566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086670106238954,0.0,0.20474554497934844,0.28928316110936536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564245451882586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981867492242986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4479967348648298,0.0,0.11126988764831536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782908837210827,0.0,0.17878097685366176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036426628930074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594637696717242,0.0,0.16073519907989373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941955190947252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382586802714936,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kitten56k,2019/02/08,"I feel so crazy, like I am actually tripping sometimes Does anyone else ever feel so wired? Or like I’ve taken cocaine and I’m so flinchy, eyes darting around, wired.

I haven’t felt like doing anything crazy in a long time apart from typical things like impulsively spending money etc.

I cut myself two days ago because I realized I’d really been rejected by a guy I’d been ‘seeing’ for over a year. I want to cut again, I don’t enjoy it and I don’t know why I want to do it, I hadn’t done this in over 10 years. I feel so crazy. I really sometimes think I love him, but he never offered me anything so I know it’s just my BPD making these crazy feelings.

I think this guy used me for a whole year, kept me a secret, would never go out with me to do couple activities like even just going for some food. but then somehow would make me feel safe in just one sentence and the next thing I know we’re sleeping together and I feel like it could really work between us. 

I also think I was aware of how absolutely shit he was to me.. but I kind of enjoyed being in pain in a way.. like I WANTED to be used. I’m so confused :(( I wish it would all go away I am so so lost. 

But right now yeah I just feel wired and like nothing is an actual real experience.. I get this weird disassociation where I fully feel like I’ve taken drugs and can’t handle normal life.

I just want to talk if possible to anyone. Thank you x",0.9535819209039538,2.995598013559324,3.2049999999999983,89.5985734463277,82.42372881355931,5.967231638418079,20.002824858757066,7.1686216300943375,0.4227604519774011,1094,30,239,15,30,374,161,295,0.115,0.71,0.17600000000000002,0.9405,0,1,2,0,0,1,30.0,1,1,0,2,22,23,3,1,8,1,22,8,3,5,4,62,59,23,0,11,11,0,9,9,0,3,3,0,0,2,11,9,1,2,17,0,2,4,7,8,0,2,11,11,38,15,26,42,4,32,0,2,2,1,11,13,1,5,23,147,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.16993684017422198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718290109985143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696303884730632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176368288993702,0.08921419752591214,0.1433034955778328,0.07751136206669558,0.0,0.0,0.08180576668535418,0.0,0.0,0.05307747618312295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966246889393352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951885011370869,0.09634204734489453,0.0,0.056153383111753365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761961356916228,0.0891035322679511,0.0,0.0,0.1009743415337168,0.0,0.07273637748139948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710682029903413,0.05750936059045151,0.07876041170965482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517182908890224,0.0,0.0,0.3522044014210933,0.12440661725997808,0.08360150386594514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528620754104824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549083471834444,0.0,0.14845281585725487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724273177705406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067071069182958,0.1435552999919488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061500593739285035,0.3828450094892549,0.0,0.0,0.07705480867482108,0.0,0.0,0.09504792883764923,0.0,0.07858468493269335,0.0,0.11624070524672335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430854677975546,0.0,0.09260065216497593,0.0,0.08531077603379801,0.08354666233142916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059001343747109636,0.0,0.09264933864703573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815910505085658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991054919597532,0.16733911465484608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435788191419264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938405602602765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937679810301097,0.0,0.0,0.08713355781839023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722302507360771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998411152553938,0.0,0.08016298053064577,0.0,0.0,0.11569177693515377,0.1673741210649555,0.0,0.0,0.05077161162269895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850553989954876,0.0,0.1047353030002655,0.15040221676584867,0.0,0.0,0.2054261634972,0.06911265013358374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856774248914895,0.09721130074668284,0.1001269808108643,0.0,0.0,0.0633884894384703,0.0,0.0,0.1855575310410809,0.0,0.0,0.16821198266523812
bpd,anditwaslove,2019/10/19,"I’m so sick of the constant suicidal urges. Trigger warning for suicidal ideation. 
They come out of nowhere. I literally sat down at my computer and immediately began thinking about how I should get a cab to the local train station, wait for a train that isn’t stopping there and just jump. This happens multiple times a day. There’s nobody I can talk to. My family are unsupportive. I totally understand that BPD is hard for family to deal with but my mother is straight up abusive, emotionally and psychologically. 

I’m only alive because of my nieces and nephew. They are my world. 2 are asleep in the next room and that brings me some hope for tomorrow, but they’ll go home at some point. And then I’m distressed again. They deserve so much more than me, but I can’t bear the image I get of them being told that I’m gone. So I stick it out. But what else do I have? I’m constantly in a state of derealisation and dissociation. I feel like a Sim. How can this be my life? How did it go so wrong?",2.4777990430621983,4.701239262626267,4.147947900053165,83.88490430622011,78.0909090909091,7.602764486975015,25.067517278043603,8.532816995589336,1.7364404040404042,786,29,163,17,19,263,121,198,0.13699999999999998,0.8,0.064,-0.9284,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,5,0,12,4,0,1,9,0,16,3,1,4,1,30,37,19,2,2,5,2,2,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,9,11,0,2,3,0,0,6,2,2,0,0,5,2,22,2,23,28,5,30,0,0,0,0,10,13,0,3,11,106,31,1,0.0,0.1962406936881324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096456985709687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086011769501549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267283654740615,0.0,0.3579674965946473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681559447812776,0.17075397484313656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835995215816296,0.18630787545412236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122764437901718,0.0,0.08374589479483396,0.11832383058017447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730663509294121,0.0,0.18825907302488296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646324656614845,0.0,0.14836909488440547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613720102404742,0.16450479991405667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698711844210438,0.0809168962569591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175476716561386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614599801367842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596665714292446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657087661795213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847143461301215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362337709184322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312456102149653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612697609704247,0.0,0.0,0.09657832845615476,0.0,0.0,0.15826352065113658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724233567975295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810869229709313,0.0,0.0
bpd,pigs-in-space,2019/10/19,"Anyone else host elaborate conversations in their head in the off chance it may happen in the future? I’m not really sure if I’m wording this the way I want to, but recently I’ve noticed that I (very frequently) have intense conversations in my head with real people in my life. Conversations with coworkers, family, friends, etc. as if we were  right there in person. Things that I want to talk about but will most likely not get the chance to talk about. Sometimes they’ll get really intense and emotional and I’ll end up crying as if I was actually having the conversation, so if the conversation ever does happen, I’ll be emotionally prepared to handle it. Most of the conversations are really important things, usually about my health, my horse, my future, my education. I’ll notice that I sometimes just sit there for a while playing out a scenario in my head and completely miss out on the reality passing around me. Do other people do this? Or is this just a me thing that isn’t normal?",7.130674486803521,7.549419731182795,7.943255131964811,68.23033724340179,64.05376344086021,11.49481915933529,32.500488758553274,11.20814326018867,3.854565591397849,794,29,137,22,11,267,106,186,0.043,0.831,0.126,0.8909,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,2,0,10,5,0,0,11,0,13,5,3,0,2,30,22,14,0,7,11,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,13,9,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,17,4,26,16,3,25,0,1,0,0,13,14,0,8,9,101,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.12313301191572355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882276556444018,0.129285831556567,0.0,0.11232652624560413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229682821408864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860228004905886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042055006353932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540679967853513,0.283869958036373,0.11175760447885548,0.0,0.14072352114727366,0.0,0.11413660161727933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895082370832545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097485985741753,0.0,0.1318471848173109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316026928685356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38848977727980505,0.1341229315293686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912432800280093,0.06164494090469293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362914116962301,0.0,0.28731244435520464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749539862259097,0.1101750916917818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436199203172551,0.2425014985289505,0.0,0.1245870556233301,0.0,0.0,0.10775662240608287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495895474388184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892270626828648,0.0,0.0,0.20283664047303496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514842031893055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896891704053665,0.1041113202881056,0.1488479026194057,0.1001554314379526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pumkinbread717Fan,2019/10/19,"As a person without BPD, how should I go about validation when interacting with a person with BPD? Me and my ex broke up a month ago. After the break up I realized she has BPD and i constantly think about what I could have done differently if I had known she has BPD. 

 it also gets me thinking about how I should go about validation when interacting with someone with BPD. Not knowing she had BPD, when she would bring up irrational concerns I would try to reason with her that while you can’t just control insecurity, there are certain thoughts such as “he hasn’t responded in a timely manner he’s mad at me” that just shouldn’t even be entertained. Again I didn’t know she had BPD while we were together.

So I’m wondering how should I go about validation when interacting with someone with BPD?

It’s like I don’t even want to give certain thoughts power, but I’m learning that to someone with BPD those concerns are 100% real and that as irrational as they may be, they’re still inducing real fear and anxiety.",7.834795918367348,6.989025132653063,7.8876734693877575,73.42161224489797,62.97959183673471,11.513469387755105,35.926530612244896,10.793553405168565,3.694058775510205,810,32,156,18,10,263,103,196,0.094,0.8640000000000001,0.042,-0.89,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,1,2,22,8,1,2,5,0,24,0,0,6,2,48,40,21,0,9,6,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,2,8,13,0,1,12,1,0,4,7,4,0,0,8,0,23,4,27,22,0,23,0,1,0,0,19,5,0,3,14,113,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784367363053291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120502446807891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058549077586295586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8675385582591859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270716249590697,0.0858405281019688,0.061106982389567986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799628018425602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832189353305055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110131220778212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612317075367612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039986386878865535,0.07341936108256171,0.1304898396540395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412328621842703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03739114277722854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108951940910583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365484737217234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742272072103764,0.0,0.07869074311091406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454361151512567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112096246637054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808109552691248,0.0,0.12152050697049895,0.044628183179722315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196225182436919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045142335261039314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377702405369667,0.08299895984842383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108736558626738,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Imsofuckediwanttodie,2019/10/19,"Most depressing day of the year. Cheers for fucking my mum.

Cheers for your useless sperm.

Cheers for the years you've spent avoiding me.

I wanna die

Gon get high

I will die

Sometime

  


I did",-0.1502027027027033,1.4802651621621619,0.246182432432434,101.5352195945946,113.5945945945946,2.931081081081081,18.13851351351352,5.148860815047168,-0.5657540540540542,149,5,31,1,8,44,29,37,0.317,0.498,0.185,-0.7645,0,2,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,3,5,2,1,4,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049084099939246,0.0,0.2677590988034655,0.0,0.6452853677489974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874020589405896,0.16242112594167532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32846008380097275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30746667344059625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003909767836102
bpd,Salt_Maintenance,2019/10/19,Scholarship for therapy? Does anyone know if there are scholarships for therapy? I desperately need therapy but I can not afford it at all. I'm paying off debt and making minimum wage. Are there rich people out there who will pay for my therapy?,2.939333333333334,5.994906377777778,4.90388888888889,73.2625,85.22222222222223,10.111111111111112,25.277777777777786,9.725611199111238,3.7994444444444446,197,8,32,8,6,67,35,45,0.14400000000000002,0.759,0.098,0.1999,3,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,23,5,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285512747121942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878908421126086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228093737416464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637548053121062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514899093153993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163968101245902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9345643923629028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oliviajamesing,2019/10/19,"I want to tell a guy I'm attracted to him but need tips and help Okay so I'm thinking about telling a guy I've liked for a few months that I find him attractive. I'm absolutely terrified as I'm terrified of the rejection and I think I'm not good enough for him, but I don't want to spend forever wondering if things could be different if I'd said something. I've been single almost 3 years because I spent those years working on myself mentally and physically. I want to tell him in person, he drives me home each week from some voluntary work we do together and I was thinking of possible something like ""Hey, just so you know I do think you're attractive and easy to get along with, and if you'd like to hang out some time I'd be down"" but I have no idea if that'd be okay. He has autism himself and I obviously have BPD. I'll give some back story about things.

So we've known each other around 6 months or so now, we volunteer together once a week, we talk through text or messenger in the mean time. He knows fully about my BPD and we even joke about it, he respects my humour and stuff around it. I think we flirt sometimes, unless my radar is off. People that have volunteered with us (who don't know I actually like him) keep saying they think he might like me. However, there's one thing... I'm not his physical type. I know he likes edgy kind of rock girls, and I'm this ""cute"" style who's a little bit chubby (or average size really now)

I tried being a bit flirty through text but it was a bit sexual but I was fine with it, but he bounced with it too. I was joking asking if he'd by my nudes to which he would joke about he doesn't pay for them... but free things. I also made a joke that ""oh blowjobs are cheaper than uber"" since he drives me home he was like ""and I've been driving you home for free?!"" and when we last hung out together I caught him checking me out a bit more than usual (I think) and when he dropped me off he joked about ""oh hey that blowjob remember"" which I'm taking as... he's at least interested in sex with me? haha. I'm rarely attracted to anyone sexually so I'm also cool with just exploring that. I just really enjoy his company... find him very attractive and just would like to see if it could go anywhere. HELP PLEASE!!!",2.8917072007629936,4.196352193133048,4.119706723891273,88.5817966142108,74.27896995708154,8.18206962327134,24.103242727706245,8.761943790366164,1.4251694802098234,1766,52,394,35,36,579,220,466,0.045,0.725,0.231,0.9981,4,1,2,0,0,0,61.0,7,3,2,2,27,34,0,0,11,4,30,2,1,1,1,92,68,42,0,14,23,0,0,8,0,3,0,2,3,4,24,34,0,1,19,6,6,7,6,1,0,1,11,4,54,35,51,45,14,37,0,1,1,2,55,14,0,15,23,230,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.07666774055270185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867112292752916,0.0,0.0,0.12565620385935464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493421225778005,0.0,0.0,0.13987834517161746,0.07344731858159483,0.0,0.0,0.060411346833379384,0.0,0.0478922659622003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430888881336666,0.0,0.19789878886553974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545491980610524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208331110736097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117825888775873,0.0,0.05189119360557982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436132871819797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104677373236137,0.07536634682848216,0.04465008669806775,0.06589627966384574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558266058704073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532042363267193,0.0,0.2364201728067859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868989828502273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983184819501957,0.0,0.08181296669896265,0.1727082522104789,0.06404065495185476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070616571226175,0.07874239354381214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433974743531764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557990822784681,0.0,0.0,0.07917466302719961,0.08334465126467658,0.0,0.0,0.12541906765422695,0.0,0.0,0.058254673672253024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366876115589719,0.05323742291579172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054466818507653975,0.06859959984554746,0.0,0.0862403653265718,0.0,0.08856980971529275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066102059662126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899840444424162,0.0,0.07473294913838636,0.062477742856606636,0.0,0.0,0.06260583403156092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498946935596922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209657727164475,0.07770242264845502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993769877627399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907082023140794,0.06314726930017746,0.20600683440027628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877938248238434,0.3523872741238106,0.0,0.0,0.0916233288400779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053340223004399036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450357001931624,0.0,0.08652783450019128,0.06482404327046645,0.13901835343290075,0.0,0.1260396058615165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519998406558342,0.11439196485738876,0.0,0.0,0.11162011041178596,0.0,0.0,0.10118608483491023
bpd,naranjed,2019/10/19,"My Boyfriend Is Not Responding to me and I'm Freaking Out Hi everyone, this is the first time I'm posting here. I am not diagnosed with BPD but I suspect I have a mild form of it (which makes me feel like an imposter when I feel better). I read the rules but I'm still not sure if this is allowed if it's not please feel free to remove it and guide me where I can maybe post it.

Background: I got out of my first relationship in 2017 and after that, I had a series of bad encounters with men. I'm an expat and foreigners who live here mainly prefer to date locals so dating was hard, and although I try hard to not define myself by a relationship my life feels pointless when I don't have a significant other. I am 30 at the moment, and this gives me further anxiety.

​

Current Boyfriend: We met as friends in March and started dating two months ago, he was reluctant at first because he has anxiety and depression. His wife passed 4 years ago and he had not dated since also he was starting a new job and that made him anxious too. 

When we started to go out we had a really good two weeks he seemed excited and happy about the relationship. Then his mother was diagnosed with cancer and so we ended up not meeting for about 2 weeks, albeit we texted. 

After his mother's surgery when they moved her back home I thought things would start to go back to usual. But we do not meet much still, I have to initiate it. I keep feeling like he is not excited about seeing me, that he is not prioritizing and it's giving me so much distress and anxiety. So the fear of abandonment is maybe one of the symptoms that is very prominent in me. He did not mention wanting to do anything this weekend as well which sent me into a fit of agony to the point that I texted my friend if I should break up with him (she responded that I should talk to him). 

But then  I sent him a text last night at 6 pm (Saturday) and he has not checked the message yet, I called him a couple of times, he doesn't pick up, he does not seem to have been active on facebook, and I sent some follow up texts asking if he was ok. It's 6 AM Sunday and there is still no response.

So now I have a bad feeling he might be having an anxiety episode, and that it's because of me, because he doesn't like me because he finds me too much to handle (you know the drill, I'm in a freak out mode, I can't stop crying and I feel like my life is over type of situation) I'm an expat, with only 2 close friends, one of them is out of town, the other one is here, I texted her asking if she could spend time with me today, she hasn't responded, but I'm not counting on it because she's often busy. I'm also feeling very nauseous but I'm not sure if it's because of anxiety or any other thing.

I live in a tiny room which makes me feel claustrophobic, but I'm also unemployed at the moment, and can't afford to spend the day out in a cafe or something like that. (Did I mention I was already on the brink of an anxiety episode because of my unemployment, and the thought of my boyfriend was the only reason I was mentally doing ok?)

Please talk to me...

​

TDLR; I'm having a freakout and I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do.",4.879552546593517,4.745241112291353,5.808194233687407,83.5168794988522,68.83308042488619,8.762009260340067,29.947511769970042,8.384062270229773,1.9670342866036337,2499,86,533,33,39,827,267,659,0.136,0.755,0.109,-0.9562,8,0,1,0,0,1,71.0,6,1,2,4,31,28,0,2,34,2,55,6,0,6,2,111,104,55,0,12,30,3,12,5,3,4,6,0,2,1,32,43,0,3,20,2,4,9,23,9,1,8,22,13,75,20,71,76,6,96,0,3,1,0,69,34,0,13,55,366,107,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059601830502483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884025014655215,0.14966094060503732,0.0,0.13518205983725307,0.15160227268556828,0.042421998951146435,0.0,0.2863330290045823,0.07047406943242937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133519145515299,0.0,0.11663777244289755,0.0,0.0,0.09593604043002307,0.10417297363055222,0.26619304345383954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055171939351022714,0.0,0.0,0.07856813001546423,0.0,0.06369914655313924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980706808217401,0.0690246588290009,0.06852385894261491,0.04023132389440919,0.0,0.05372965156882141,0.1266331315935123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054591036989014484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552520660003792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960881452838024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019725834004432,0.31542287760313703,0.13369745426468468,0.0,0.0,0.05701615196305415,0.15918666642100324,0.0,0.0,0.14458887545324353,0.0,0.0,0.1196852789318278,0.0709064231672294,0.052323184975953715,0.04989270145728438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640695518505313,0.11176430073489152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257437949921875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061904654906062125,0.05544811829984713,0.0,0.0,0.06856719281711246,0.050849775618904317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812471018886017,0.15238382924089902,0.0,0.11016915691243928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590274955728328,0.08328113469474369,0.0,0.12534250224075622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286653146602238,0.06617759951129124,0.0,0.0,0.049792834359237856,0.06630234953767808,0.13757416688434584,0.0,0.0,0.06024906603928922,0.0,0.05854141882329492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681527126004133,0.09488886727023182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695372820422735,0.058971292351307776,0.0,0.11948970509793465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239902822453506,0.0,0.03996360058119495,0.06413923656998095,0.0,0.20092523916296245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971049429979378,0.1135807269462522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051603156414111305,0.0701201466336533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802482426845155,0.0,0.0,0.17661761813766866,0.0,0.14945538888188786,0.052154267953639734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175888700606902,0.06483893614951937,0.0,0.1002808130951993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288785273248657,0.0,0.0,0.0990489126999212,0.10912659426604077,0.0,0.05913098094677852,0.0,0.0,0.042353382757798506,0.0,0.12187658574891592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870512133944037,0.10294360847781728,0.036794606406857215,0.0,0.10007839054693536,0.0,0.05608904170462934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431448720553924,0.0,0.15160227268556828,0.04017205721489568
bpd,scarinaee,2019/10/19,"I fucking hate this disease It's taking all my energy, it makes my life so complicated, I feel abandoned most of the time, I have low energy, I can't reach my goals, I hate my life so much, I see psychiatrie as the last chance, then one day later I cannot comprehend all of it again. I don't know what to do..",2.154545454545456,3.160834454545455,4.397393939393943,87.04609090909094,75.66666666666666,8.31030303030303,22.29090909090909,8.841846274778883,1.202494545454546,238,6,56,5,5,83,45,66,0.21600000000000005,0.69,0.09300000000000001,-0.8490000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,2,7,13,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,2,12,0,4,13,4,7,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,6,37,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123635587622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993372286512655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741358266001164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5855210205130313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629643126015662,0.24171031040403024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41889370788286623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979350810584766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179825717121988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009353906164877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23629482846870095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229525338972311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290815709829305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dirae-furiae,2019/10/19,"I need to stop picking fights with my boyfriend. I was recently diagnosed with BPD at almost 30. My 20s were wild but my life is pretty together now. I have a good career, a nice apartment, financial stability and a sweet boyfriend of almost 2 years. 

I pick fights with my boyfriend all the time. It's the same cycle every time. I read too much into something and am convinced he doesn't love me enough. I pick a fight over something minor. I cry for an hour and sometimes self-harm or break things. We apologize and make up. I feel terrible about it for days.

I'm pretty normal most of the time. I don't pick fights with friends or coworkers. But when I get upset with my boyfriend I feel like I'm possessed by a demon.

My boyfriend doesn't deserve this. He's a sweet guy who loves me and tries his best.  My past relationships were pretty shitty (but not abusive shitty), so I feel like my ""blueprint"" is unhealthy. How do I fucking STOP this?",2.3293399715505,4.743472335135137,3.0052062588904715,90.85913229018496,79.70270270270271,5.840682788051209,24.331436699857754,7.0608816371341465,0.9535945945945944,742,27,149,9,19,232,112,185,0.188,0.556,0.255,0.9559,0,0,2,0,4,0,26.0,1,0,0,1,6,18,5,1,10,0,11,5,0,6,1,36,22,13,0,2,6,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,12,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,5,25,11,16,19,6,18,1,0,0,3,15,5,1,5,14,90,31,2,0.0,0.16210018293219175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27399547665760565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357604973011548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231028033985962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502818680048383,0.08823260394927168,0.0,0.0,0.1388615867585092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136365994594646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527024858605167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752920218937693,0.19547744376368226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570083000350436,0.1264807505136213,0.07147877083447439,0.0,0.0,0.11475165146104878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546566917086575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473253942684246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663456107789904,0.13367914104913786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469568527454704,0.0,0.09132326086575056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057276938583293,0.10144457385631693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340469887524838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130602804181755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175618283077584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684930574506712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508562371174268,0.14688519072856046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272504819168186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064955806738975,0.13531084557307227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22876238826717654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089200123696853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932902624530536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288655915447164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881026242977288
bpd,DTS555,2019/10/19,"I hate how even people with depression and anxiety will be dismissive of us. BPD isn't a mental illness that's romanticized like depression and anxiety so that's why so many other people dismiss us INCLUDING those with depression and anxiety. A lot of people simply cannot comprehend the trauma that causes BPD nor the constant pain, anger and lonliness that we feel. I 100% stand by that and I'll take any downvotes from people who think I'm ""gatekeeping."" It's not gatekeeping to acknowledge that there are different degrees of suffering. All suffering is valid, but not all suffering is equal. No true progress for the treatment of all mental illnesses will be made until the rest of the world acknowledges that.",7.133689236111112,8.899724226562508,7.1035416666666675,69.46506944444445,64.546875,11.93888888888889,35.31597222222222,11.645159339076185,4.937486805555556,583,27,91,20,9,186,81,128,0.21600000000000005,0.674,0.109,-0.9247,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,0,1,5,13,2,0,7,0,9,3,0,3,4,23,15,11,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,1,1,5,3,12,10,6,4,0,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910951884401736,0.0,0.33447656210725674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671137501688342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971712177555987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749526445003206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765819654638423,0.0,0.0,0.15226931068978186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626117872921766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736915053617422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388999551942927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120215156794851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390458803217975,0.0,0.13790455021999207,0.0,0.14775945495019402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937471990494863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550797027662814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041564502084115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957980321666007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338555217829166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506192250393849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150943471548235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pixidee,2019/10/19,"BF thinks I am selfish and he doesn’t like coming home anymore.. My boyfriend and I keep arguing and I feel like it’s entirely my fault and that I’m a bad girlfriend. But I also feel like he doesn’t understand how I really feel or how hard I try not to be impulsive with my words and emotions. He said he isn’t breaking up with me, but that he doesn’t look forward to coming home and that I stress him out. He says I’m selfish and manipulative but I sincerely don’t want to be. I have an appointment to see a therapist and I try to always take responsibility for my actions and apologize but it just doesn’t seem like enough..and maybe it’s not. I feel really scared and unstable and I’m just slipping further and further down. I just feel so hurt that I can’t be his solace and peace from the world and that I’m causing him stress.

Just venting I suppose.",1.7985525446133508,3.835796674157304,3.608136153337744,87.84330799735626,79.4494382022472,7.109583608724389,25.07732980832782,8.124751697461798,1.5012441506939858,680,26,146,13,17,228,89,178,0.16699999999999998,0.703,0.13,-0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,1,3,4,0,12,0,0,4,0,45,32,23,0,1,11,0,6,4,2,0,0,2,2,0,8,19,0,1,8,0,0,4,9,9,0,0,1,10,22,5,12,28,0,11,0,1,2,0,15,7,0,2,5,87,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715832677985465,0.12190215991090796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452915234168802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232381311613875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049884797180235,0.0,0.2523985749860652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479605863053368,0.0,0.15137667206367128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37038137424508416,0.20932342096812115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123783414915588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939087341738659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156834398657861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021852068093065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862956930244484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302554941151632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471818676692813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770703527304852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935781931113153,0.11650499679673584,0.14667497378291774,0.0,0.11674385404806115,0.13337074993982673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356371842462022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015195823632426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010117397088956,0.0,0.09387315126931464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893172275853274,0.0,0.0,0.15251469937499298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641121398255364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Curlyloxglambeauty,2019/10/19,People wgo did this to us Do you feel bad for blaming your parents who did this to you?  I am scared to have kids because I am afraid to fuck them up like me. Fuck I have never had a normal relationship just someone who wants to use me. How do I stop the cycle and have a normal relationship?,1.1807103825136631,3.1697287377049186,3.076639344262297,91.11255464480877,81.29508196721311,5.3781420765027335,20.002732240437158,6.42735559955562,0.054702732240437424,227,6,50,2,6,76,41,61,0.275,0.6890000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9490000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,3,1,0,2,6,2,2,3,0,10,2,0,2,1,10,15,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,11,1,7,12,0,3,0,0,0,2,11,1,2,0,3,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351480506564166,0.13398145898737412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113202566698506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063831556476383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737790328411256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951498400132534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306935092738183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24404990117797226,0.0,0.0,0.1523741602833261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719427034056788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004733613253394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622667963793008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837536163803314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643793509519245,0.18982730421940408,0.0,0.0,0.12963736729199127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hexinthecity,2019/10/19,Help! What kind of therapy do I need? I’ve been trying to get through all this on my own but I’m straight up on the road to divorce-town if I can’t get my shit under control. What kind of therapy do you all do? Cbt? Dbt? Group? Individual? All of the above? All input appreciated!!,-1.5846224961479225,0.10949913559322157,1.701818181818183,92.41463790446844,108.49152542372879,4.857318952234206,18.922958397534668,6.574015621080383,0.32112203389830496,215,8,50,4,11,76,41,59,0.076,0.7609999999999999,0.163,0.6794,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,4,8,9,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,10,8,5,6,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,0,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952328798567508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27505180628176745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643635616414155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482234587922925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951804217596218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702000294138445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.602048918925499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871471191005364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,j00mie,2019/10/19,"Dude, fuck this. It never gets better. All I know is a life of pain. It's all I've ever known. My family gets mad at me when I'm in my hopeless suicidal episodes saying we are gonna get you some help.. threatening me with hospital stays and calling the ambulance. I say go ahead and do it. I'm not afraid of your threats. I'll go there and they will tell me everything I already know, I'll go home feeling maybe 5 percent better then I'll be back down there in about 6 months or less with the same exact scenario. I've been through DBT three times. I go to therapy weekly. I've tried being sober. I've tried antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. I've tried anti depressants.. multiple. I've tried using skills from dbt but the pain is just too much to even want to or have hope to use them. I don't even care anymore. I literally am just waiting for myself to die. I hate my life so much and I don't even wanna stick around for the positive things anymore. I have EVERYTHING I could ever want and I'm fucking miserable. People give up on me when they see how emotional I get. ""I'm done with you"" something I've heard so many times before. The worst part I think is that I will be doing very well, managing and coping and something will happen and I'll just be right back to where I started again. It's literally insanity. Doing the same things and expecting different results. I'm hopeless. I'm even more disappointed that mental health research hasn't done more to help us specifically because from the looks and sounds of it ( and stated in an article I read ) BPD is by far the most painful and difficult to treat.. so why the fuck isn't there urgency to help us. I need help. I need something cause this shit just isn't enough. I don't want to live anymore but God knows I'm too fucking pussy to kill myself. I've tried in the past and I end up stopping before I do. I lost everything this year. My boyfriend left me (because of my BPD) my grandpa just died I'm getting laid off. I want to go to school but look at me. I'm a fucking mess. This life of mine feels hopeless no matter how hard I try. Literally less than a month ago I posted on here saying it gets better but.. really.. does it? Maybe temporarily. I'm sick of sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to be sent into a dark spiral once again. I had to tell my manager I was suicidal and couldn't work. It's happened about 3 times now and I'm a manager myself. I feel irresponsible and embarrassed. I feel like a burden to everyone around me. All I do is hurt the people I love most and push them away. 

I don't wanna do this anymore",1.5083516295025774,3.7496031490566035,3.1964837049742734,89.30880789022301,81.66037735849056,6.571526586620928,22.655231560891927,7.750939303291985,1.0798981132075478,2039,69,431,36,55,675,246,530,0.23800000000000002,0.684,0.078,-0.9986,1,0,3,0,0,6,61.0,3,3,4,7,36,37,10,3,19,0,37,15,1,6,7,80,97,32,5,12,12,1,5,1,0,4,8,5,1,0,17,25,0,3,9,1,0,7,11,27,1,1,8,13,60,9,55,78,18,56,0,8,3,6,25,21,6,6,25,265,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571842063103102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936361856051951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493467003247997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191107392371907,0.0,0.0,0.05905567234796935,0.09666540868791404,0.0,0.07663337609398226,0.0,0.10697236158578023,0.0,0.0,0.16677417709442152,0.0,0.0,0.15833091221499332,0.0,0.06418342894943528,0.0,0.06408630571667379,0.06457085427616338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050185733850689335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413813937159272,0.0,0.1304700730236867,0.0656715768689508,0.0,0.0,0.05500607360472912,0.12864787459060414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070500824771747,0.055672128189134716,0.06494748075722981,0.0,0.16606428097098747,0.11371445452755018,0.0,0.060061999556786975,0.16947388226162718,0.0,0.059255435337699884,0.0,0.1271283710953873,0.04490463646091484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905487206996636,0.19703929970818146,0.06029760218377475,0.1786137499352483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111674429350364,0.0,0.05630700286790345,0.06205769802608885,0.0,0.06681343137252271,0.0,0.0,0.16852532392161798,0.0,0.06305011068386404,0.062430604215529574,0.0,0.0,0.06728909382166066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954131183313716,0.0,0.1036327279071484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829368037269658,0.0,0.13319203744066965,0.03070847007021357,0.0,0.05550336729558785,0.0,0.105567118025838,0.0,0.06861520367358462,0.0,0.056730369911494334,0.0,0.0,0.06372654056105283,0.1262954375723506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334448378018387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034278382744337,0.0,0.09241339686430487,0.09321447267250732,0.04847874333031081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694003209242667,0.0,0.0,0.20065097638312196,0.0,0.0,0.0680673736867134,0.06000356183957172,0.08715344959109045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019907182700161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287342627459235,0.0,0.040267429899189564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536790361943974,0.0,0.14995783566429152,0.0,0.06361404917676695,0.05008842585152158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452120820019147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516982077641513,0.0,0.0,0.044490095073333784,0.06699657660804836,0.0,0.052550778664196635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750943514271974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987855694687199,0.0,0.07188179018514568,0.0,0.08351802016984201,0.0402758536210911,0.0,0.0,0.10995624570456823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256052284537501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512170593312542,0.1085755246069028,0.0,0.05186312641585028,0.1482973718692983,0.0,0.050419625824064535,0.0,0.0565154671277707,0.0,0.056718139142988976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457602197814401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040477471355977485
bpd,Awaywethrowit69,2019/10/19,"Sometimes I don't feel like I'm a part of my own life Sometimes I'll be doing something normal, like working or chatting with my boyfriend and I'll just feel disconnected. Like I know these events are factually happening to me, but it doesn't feel real. Am I really here? Is this who I am? I'm just going through the motions, an actor in my own life.

I look at my bf, who I love very much, and struggle to believe he's actually with me and loves me. Not because I don't feel like I deserve it (well, that's part of my problem), but because I just don't feel like its actually my life he's a part of, he's not dating me but just someone acting like who he thinks I am. The things I say, the actions I make feel calculated and fake, I'm just doing what I think my character is supposed to do.

It's a hard feeling to describe, but I guess it's me feeling like a a method actor in someone else's life. I severely struggle with having an identity and I think this disconnect with my life is a big hurdle in developing one.",2.798948598130842,3.8853864999999987,4.789801401869159,84.54442172897197,74.18691588785046,7.592990654205607,28.79556074766355,8.07648339933343,1.83344953271028,797,33,171,12,16,275,98,214,0.14800000000000002,0.774,0.078,-0.9095,0,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,7,14,0,2,11,0,16,7,0,1,1,39,38,10,0,2,12,0,9,7,1,0,5,1,0,0,14,9,0,0,12,3,0,4,6,4,1,1,0,11,29,10,16,37,6,11,0,0,1,2,12,5,0,2,9,112,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.1964133105413496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269408801080225,0.0,0.0,0.11338281369862407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406883806513232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070784910407262,0.2875787913230777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719401198667973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086239220204706,0.0,0.08899247770762286,0.0,0.09015048948158692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553071593898613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554124933771699,0.34416119255868416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450926952653222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165664501770096,0.0,0.06717560981410277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397936790844711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860235089972952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819386096550395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269383953881782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629548851101638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454630878559205,0.06447028487901812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003014188987212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369054006185772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705378698974226,0.07747485353731548,0.19906403866141256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104141297978995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685838364108837,0.19345131510985536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303560826000701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904842517866156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326453197588606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prash_cant_shush,2019/10/19,So depressed and nobody gives a f*ck I’ve been so depressed these past few weeks. I’m not tearful or suicidal but just very low energy. Don’t feel like getting up to do anything or even go see my doctor (who’s an hour away and who has the energy to do that). My dad doesn’t care. He lives with me but he doesn’t seem to think it’s anything to worry about. My mom is dead but she didn’t care when she was alive. I keep craving different things and I know it’s because my brain is low on serotonin.,1.0872897196261704,2.865262261682247,2.5886074766355134,95.56141588785047,80.58878504672897,5.775327102803737,20.980373831775697,6.742157984588678,0.18974093457943875,390,11,91,4,10,127,74,107,0.163,0.649,0.188,0.4781,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,11,2,1,0,0,16,23,11,2,0,7,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,2,9,3,9,20,1,10,0,4,1,0,9,5,0,3,5,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087073051649578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622764663596555,0.0,0.0,0.11434057886291872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093895081922056,0.0,0.0,0.3824790537138229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32310653711603216,0.0,0.0,0.19597012416176574,0.0,0.1919852516962792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123887834403841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948407357332126,0.13399963275200438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799728149671834,0.17993368135793755,0.10660002521839376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471809795884095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672032081313465,0.0,0.0,0.10308324911863212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916369452264953,0.0,0.16562723630068693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967904039793326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790562374848138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494685448588788,0.1707561574250972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517050422063046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246127896021867,0.1201869120730377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476441723659667,0.0,0.0,0.15045687653654108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048585315754396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chaos_bolt,2019/10/19,"My boyfriend is my FP and lied to me, advice please I'm seeking some advice. I'm in a fairly new relationship (4 months) with someone that I have known for a really long time. 

Everything was going well but it turns out that he lied to me for a few months about something significant. He let someone move in with him for a few months and I agreed to this under the premise that he had never been romantically involved with them. I blindly trusted him because I had no reason not to. Well, it turns out, they banged last year after I got suspicious and found some incriminating videos on Instagram. While they were ""just friends"" while living together, it was a total breach of my trust.

I'm choosing to believe that he has learned from his mistake because of how he reacted when I figured it out and was terrified to lose me so we have decided to work through it. He has completely cut ties with that person now that they have moved out (and blocked them everywhere). He has apologized and has changed his actions to be better. He said he didn't tell me because he was afraid he'd lose me and he felt backed into a corner and didn't know what to do to help his this person. I am choosing to believe this.

So now that he's been trying much harder with our relationship, I've been idealizing him and I've realized that he has become my ""favorite person"" or ""FP"" which may make things tricky. I don't want to screw things up. We've been talking about moving in together and getting pets in like, a year and a half.

I know I am going to be more prone to being paranoid that he will be lying to me than I would have been before and more prone to being suspicious of anyone he hangs out with and with him being my FP, my reactions might get amplified. If anyone has a suggestion on how to navigate this, I would appreciate it. I also understand that being paranoid/suspicious of him now is also probably a normal reaction (even if I didn't have BPD)- given the circumstances.

**What sorts of behaviors should I watch myself for- to make sure that I don't ruin this relationship?** 

*Please only respond if you've been in a relationship with a favorite person. Or if you are a favorite person in a relationship with someone with BPD.*",4.787807798817454,6.1225640580046425,5.574717461267871,79.85779657211286,69.67285382830627,8.716742758775544,29.21645086445625,9.11188708381993,2.4357214430057628,1763,66,333,34,31,575,197,431,0.111,0.753,0.135,0.9044,0,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,2,1,5,5,17,16,2,1,16,0,50,2,0,6,3,73,70,29,0,11,9,0,1,1,1,6,1,1,1,5,27,30,0,1,13,1,0,7,8,7,2,1,21,4,46,9,59,34,8,42,0,3,2,1,51,17,1,11,19,246,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595902650254265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060354976580096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419417273634162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278986711554195,0.0,0.14933365203342205,0.0901847098175728,0.06948483909784202,0.18400092916131303,0.0,0.07221975651338904,0.0,0.0,0.205690475490742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638320661392096,0.0,0.08561673062265229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053934257747104634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338883468382512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840436776304713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953364753839745,0.06308867335223503,0.0,0.08532574104944894,0.0,0.0928161068218406,0.0,0.06530926397412376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473355380312519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975406752611582,0.06656206863769894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350071191240754,0.0,0.03989391409403693,0.0,0.07210540159627568,0.07226465168544495,0.0,0.18270855458858287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090145342099825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662610340626774,0.0,0.0,0.19553561552312976,0.2603682014553633,0.060027935406960525,0.0,0.06297958893374578,0.0788656866279961,0.0,0.0,0.08000738203262736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062104495244287634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565025433352291,0.0,0.17927165549830934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804100275987745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052312127094345684,0.08395789784672156,0.0,0.4383500024478362,0.0,0.0,0.0776753406689334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756536304781475,0.06286422330016528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769615828658574,0.0,0.0,0.06563350853612616,0.07137258387657558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849973034610867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761536486199767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055440338444979434,0.1776406434557648,0.0,0.08500872996960182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048163931646531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468404766127753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944790713151685,0.0,0.0,0.11601482614695915,0.0,0.0,0.10516999129732132
bpd,Ifeellost666,2019/10/19,"My partner and FP got into a fight. I ended up agreeing to everything kind of sarcastically. He believed me. My partner is ALWAYS right. I am always wrong. Always. 

I know the only way to get him to stop is to say sorry about everything and take the blame. I kind of just did it in a sarcastic way but he believed it.

And he's like: I agree. Yes you're completly not worthy of me.

I'm hiding in the bathroom because I don't know how I can keep going without lashing out.

I'm dead inside. (:",0.0821401370906294,2.396711227722772,2.9786138613861404,87.54527037319119,90.1881188118812,5.087890327494288,21.63061690784463,6.67199483983844,0.7191638994668694,378,14,76,5,13,133,67,101,0.20800000000000002,0.649,0.14300000000000002,-0.5115,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,5,1,6,0,0,1,0,14,15,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,12,3,14,13,0,11,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,3,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299561238874749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499680651319766,0.0,0.0,0.38811432709906096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059191301637634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255482583682056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095990690886766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899890634318558,0.0,0.09788880145146374,0.0,0.13775724479320406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309613997338212,0.0,0.3587259889328073,0.1893188239922557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414848606759287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099740578174987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709328139754665,0.0,0.13697333684887653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281023339279807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400158836159674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950415600105952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27343453666312795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660346386757617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831901765303,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway0706199,2019/10/19,"I just want answers. Does anyone have similar experiences? I don’t know what to do. I am currently in an intensive outpatient program for ptsd due to trauma I had when I was younger. I’ve been feeling really weird about this for a while and suspect I should talk to my doctor about BPD. I’m afraid because I don’t want to seem like I’ve been one of those people googling their issues.  

Some background on my condition.
For years now I have gone through very abrupt personality changes that change me deeply. Complete change in style of dress, personality, beliefs, morals, and hobbies. For example, I loved yoga and did yoga teacher training. When I was doing that, I was social, sort of “floaty” and wistful, super spiritual and had a “hippie persona”. Now I hate yoga. I’m not “hippie-like” at all. I wear completely opposite styles clothes. 

This has been happening my whole life I feel like. I can’t keep friends because when I change personalities I don’t even recognize myself. 

I have dissociation/DP/DR all the time. It never goes away, but sometimes it gets worse than other times. No amount of grounding or meditation makes it better. If I have an especially bad episode, I completely freeze up. My body goes numb and my vision gets dark around the edges. 

I don’t want to seem like I used “Dr.Google”. I want to bring this up to my doctor and explain how I don’t feel right. I’m going to a neurologist to rule out any physical conditions in my brain. 

Do you think I should bring it up to my doctor? If so, how? What should I say?

Does anyone have similar symptoms or experiences?",2.832925664451828,5.471690318936878,3.955513911960132,83.45709146594685,79.36544850498339,7.084759136212625,25.68531976744186,8.17850203761792,1.85240938538206,1250,49,236,25,32,405,169,301,0.079,0.8190000000000001,0.102,-0.3196,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,1,2,13,13,1,1,7,0,28,10,3,4,3,44,55,19,0,9,7,0,4,3,1,3,6,1,0,3,13,9,0,1,11,3,0,4,9,6,0,1,10,5,38,7,33,42,5,30,2,0,0,1,11,13,0,8,16,150,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855212788239891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097301366596052,0.0,0.0,0.08973948590050848,0.0,0.0,0.09471137198858404,0.0,0.08416952509045306,0.1229018636382994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891554838391003,0.0,0.11197370641816254,0.12696272286705845,0.1125338048794627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426561204470928,0.0,0.317082253329226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095403065891701,0.17643354115459736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658198638560058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721692283170847,0.0,0.0,0.15291294595088967,0.07201644751078817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788313709480159,0.0,0.10533485703158067,0.0,0.05729086687123264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914318152879312,0.0,0.0,0.09952591324118963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521618101569344,0.0,0.08960177715592492,0.0,0.0,0.055400818994277616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120287294126702,0.14774743304333768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098213523128687,0.0,0.06728936798051419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774847208650966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683093434837188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988679034651535,0.2640620096942277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783783557996502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457946172782016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608851551194058,0.0,0.0801656684928197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354157538785415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275990825834297,0.0,0.0,0.09970057128058243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477693537730924,0.0,0.08102474298028414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459297139127541,0.0,0.0,0.11756259221559888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706476864159883,0.0,0.08317622445342386,0.2378340131204255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125472694599358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273081190389503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491631869271337
bpd,Ellista,2019/10/19,"Do you ever feel a random and sporadic urge to romantically connect with an ex despite feeling very content in your current relationship? I very rarely feel this way. It has probably happened maybe twice in my current relationship, and the last time was several months ago, if not a year ago. I remember more so feeling an urge, rather than a solid thought, that I really wanted to contact my ex and extract emotional and romantic gratification from him. I also could decipher at the same time that that was completely strange and unfounded. I dissected my relationship, and I knew that I was content and overall happy with it. My bf, although not always, he does give me a lot of attention and affection, and more importantly, I'm not in love with my exes anymore. Although, I can admit that I can sort of ""relive"" those old feelings if I deeply think of a memory by remembering how I felt. But I quite hate my exes because they were extremely ignorant, manipulative, and liars (lol @ my descrip being the stereotypes of BPD). Personally, I don't think there is a real motive or a lingering of longing for them. I think it's just completely and utterly a random emotion my brain directed towards my exes. It's so bizarre. I'm like ""Da fuq is this? I cast you from my body!""

Perhaps my brain and body were still in the mood for attention, and the first person that came to my mind in order to retain that attention that had just moments prior definitive closure for the night by my bf, was to subconsciously conjure someone else I had received romantic attention from before? GASP, did I just crack the code!?",7.6116255961844175,7.886580520270275,8.26275039745628,66.83503179650242,63.05405405405405,11.559300476947534,39.033386327503976,11.20814326018867,4.7211794912559615,1278,64,212,34,17,428,167,296,0.07400000000000001,0.826,0.1,0.8282,2,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,3,2,3,11,7,2,0,17,1,18,5,4,4,1,62,38,23,0,5,11,2,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,15,17,0,2,19,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,13,6,37,3,29,23,4,28,0,0,0,1,21,7,0,7,18,155,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906712440615941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600682667703327,0.08948931097927093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665962220199984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556081898497831,0.0,0.09151620340620367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389251938168523,0.13545409069180755,0.24012031040005186,0.0,0.12300730483903954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22552597764827045,0.0,0.0,0.0858690555033947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411677831474853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984331623509585,0.2419561023319713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728414888198687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718998088710829,0.0,0.10326382217039144,0.0,0.0,0.0914810502514316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317071708156457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510514836705916,0.11448781749587927,0.0,0.10618228542934692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766671826076848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254296626863581,0.0,0.0,0.0951774034248146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914342396421998,0.09706709275491264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804733842281687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859374313790517,0.0,0.08584451608776786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092736906118188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285449226615678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781512453244795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595591817250556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439150717655802,0.0,0.12241420817323255,0.06889858746072854,0.0,0.0,0.3464018497385161,0.2436639054968093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149965883675905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112584477130097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588870065594448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067390019836425,0.0,0.08538182340052719,0.12542527183045646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747823291901724,0.06343513524151362,0.08536732095827815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925797368719275
bpd,pancakeinacup,2019/10/19,"Am I splitting or is this a reasonable thing to be angry about? I was working with a personal trainer for twice a week for several months.  I ended up taking a week off to go to training for a new job.  When I came back he switched my appointment schedule to different days and times.  I tried working with it for awhile, but it just doesn’t work.  I asked if we could go back to the old schedule and we can’t because he gave that slot to someone else in the week that I took off.  

So now I just don’t want to do training with him at all and I don’t want to go to his gym either.  Splitting or nah?",2.0169291338582696,3.2128850629921253,3.485834645669293,92.6909566929134,76.3228346456693,6.654803149606299,26.08582677165355,7.1686216300943375,0.9913533858267716,461,17,107,5,10,152,77,127,0.037000000000000005,0.937,0.026000000000000002,-0.2982,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,7,0,10,0,0,1,1,21,20,9,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,4,0,14,0,22,14,2,25,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,3,15,76,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052428963917167,0.0,0.0,0.2640665098154841,0.0,0.10467192160666557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638880612686144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370952832079347,0.0,0.0,0.1107377919542345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793988597705202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434404374356204,0.0,0.15208278519121496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927577311718568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039421357294268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705610450595182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583716106401636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017920993558367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499292587857307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654495919725402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398175559569786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548807394288754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910343956962564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407551259702485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012462034329024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077448653090498,0.11657881556920192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025562708308848,0.0,0.4132026584778105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750175483689393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sailorxans,2019/10/19,How to I let him go? Me and him been on and off for 6 years now and it’s been getting to him mentally and he knows him staying it’s probably doing more harm than good. How I let him go when it hurts more than ever. How should I cope with this because I genuinely thought we can work this out and get married but it’s like that’s fading away and I don’t think I can just be his friend...,0.3752325581395368,1.9579990232558158,2.186220930232558,98.53537790697676,82.02325581395348,5.695348837209302,20.05232558139535,6.6274283507984215,-0.08585581395348818,300,8,76,3,8,99,56,86,0.055999999999999994,0.877,0.067,0.2228,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,3,1,19,17,11,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,14,3,10,10,2,12,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,57,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22836967232905586,0.0,0.0,0.14817153282866485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219868233541726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877931459006064,0.0,0.2539852002991732,0.0,0.2762814268260831,0.20387326783002385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602085065906481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358339779946904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971054403830075,0.0,0.1187503751771684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449546068919017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620675946728499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590773356536781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574767212921012,0.0,0.1929682368955944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695584491220154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652733264650018
bpd,Megwen,2019/10/19,"Hey BPD friends, what Hogwarts house are you jn? I feel like a lot of the traits that make me a Hufflepuff can be attributed to my BPD, or to the same things that *caused* my BPD, such as working hard and feeling things very deeply (which aids in compassion). I'm curious to know if many of you are the same. My hypothesis is that r/BPD is home to a lot of Hufflepuffs and Slytherins (which isn't a bad thing).

Bonus points for your Ilvermorny house. (I'm a Pukwudgie.)",3.597050691244238,4.922582591397852,3.5484178187404005,93.28548387096777,72.54838709677419,7.464823348694317,27.264208909370197,7.957251820313856,1.3164789554531493,363,13,82,5,7,110,62,93,0.046,0.8220000000000001,0.132,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,2,1,4,0,0,8,0,7,0,0,3,0,14,13,5,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,3,10,12,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,1,51,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130347124668332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7319047594080681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924348916652505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691676211364926,0.103788693835746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224365197531977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301431375923056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572857392517335,0.0,0.0,0.3352692728294784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984257540592106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097690237523042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470252276073615,0.0,0.0,0.09697611938834168,0.1472920154527761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733739600227055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895544950927366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198719458206613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576621514097376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AtrocitiesExhibition,2019/10/19,"DAE have to talk themselves down from blinding rage for no reason towards employees? My whole life everything workers at a store, restaurant, or anything have made me so mad. Looking back on moments I get mad at them, it's rather hard to remember what specifically makes me so angry. I think it's the way they talk and how fabricated it all is.

I have to tell myself almost every time I'm in public ""They're just doing their job."" in my internal dialogue. I'm really proud to say I've never had an embarrassing freak out in public towards an employee, or even showed any kind of animosity. I know how to hold myself together but these motherfuckers make me feel like my head's going to explode with lava",4.34880808080808,6.309536985185188,5.716363636363639,75.9381818181818,71.74074074074073,8.760942760942761,28.56902356902357,9.339509955726095,2.731740740740741,563,22,100,13,11,189,100,135,0.124,0.8240000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.7811,4,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,2,8,8,3,1,4,0,6,3,1,6,2,22,17,8,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,5,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,2,5,15,3,20,15,2,16,0,0,2,0,9,10,0,3,5,66,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029266551012745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378102753603698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676528794079254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582684073740186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384970184413353,0.0,0.17074300834163478,0.0,0.1821305057571824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246691502563864,0.14477459370718565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587727982324548,0.0,0.11517177340874354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815363424702355,0.0,0.20797936598351893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011007908542353,0.0,0.0,0.21103082120012487,0.11137221201782237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431390655490482,0.09900550651721868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017659896135642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175417518851412,0.2705435007394085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629767708262385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982402849117688,0.2083599564294955,0.0,0.0,0.2295651549280304,0.0,0.0,0.1611569646444212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257679224858337,0.17712673671193518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985118695435385,0.0,0.0,0.11816798183933773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085568538861528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262536652682637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zero-Ctrl,2019/10/19,"BPD People - Do you consider yourself intelligent? Also, who are you? To be honest, compared to a lot of what I read on here, I seem to be worse than most of you. 

I split multiple times a day, (affectionately known as Jekyll or Mr. Hyde - Thank you T) and although most of that is triggered by my relationship, sometimes it’s just happens for no apparent reason. I’m not socially awkward to any extent, and although I often dislike people, I know I can change my personality to suit the situation if necessary. I don’t feel like I dislike being alone, although I often feel lonely. I am a man, and finding a romantic partner has never been a problem for me. My general attitude to the other sex is passive indifference to be honest. I don’t want to sound like a misogynist mind - I believe women are as smart as men and I value people largely on their intelligence, I just have no interest in being friends with them, probably due to the lack that my lack of contact with the opposite sex prevents me being a hypocrite when I split and become jealous. 

I’m probably rambling, but it got me thinking about my identity. Who I am, and how much of me is BPD. I am very high functioning but I have organised my daily life to avoid most triggering scenarios, the things I do and the places I go. I do feel like I’ve allowed it to impact my life significantly, even if I am minimising it wherever possible. I’m not sure if I feel trust towards anybody, including my SO. I’m not saying I think she’ll cheat on me or something ( I don’t), I just find myself irritated that I can never fully know what’s occurring in someone else’s mind. Even if I split, there are rules I follow to minimise myself on others, such as I simply do not ever touch my SO’s phone, or iPad. I would never open her bag, etc. Not that she’s said I can’t, and if I have split she has always offered - but my mind doesn’t let me do something if I consider there to be a risk to my mood. 

It’s strange. I just wonder if even any one of you is anything like me. My brain never stops. I can fantasise for hours a day, and often do even whilst doing other things. I do not believe in any religion. I love science. I am a student of science. I’m not sure if I ever do anything that doesn’t benefit me in some way eventually. I love the middle of the night.",3.7259863083164326,4.9169619181034525,5.677611561866126,78.66383874239355,72.0603448275862,8.648478701825558,30.026369168357,9.088552180705676,2.6005382352941173,1806,76,351,37,34,627,214,464,0.087,0.784,0.13,0.9592,2,4,2,0,0,0,59.0,0,5,2,0,23,25,2,3,18,0,46,7,1,5,8,83,70,35,0,13,25,0,5,4,2,2,2,3,0,6,19,12,0,3,14,1,0,2,19,7,0,1,3,8,74,17,43,57,10,31,0,1,0,4,29,13,0,21,19,270,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344198449435967,0.0,0.07214988465946473,0.07507129044133783,0.0,0.0,0.18406058969547312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848876911319495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964225969436873,0.0,0.2032968604609758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272609604994602,0.100716730108035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544209793509184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637045846208552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536826033737322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006205198314106,0.2383610848327129,0.16322053474631612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824742579808976,0.12890812880720845,0.0,0.0,0.16492113859088273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970469813178569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051274803891202536,0.0,0.07215815912166629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978233531358665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532368248814434,0.0,0.0,0.08884973740476405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991664565218849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225731987019778,0.12745184515219493,0.17631014199297446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670286300508501,0.1628563642464128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732931679328525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632298469259665,0.0,0.278336696705015,0.0,0.0,0.08466651216062149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113624007360244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764412193259214,0.07877769763093499,0.09426198224946873,0.0,0.0,0.10171088030674064,0.0,0.0,0.19454748989041973,0.08632953201743998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024564467647128,0.0,0.0,0.09276245028185713,0.0,0.09686383616310892,0.0,0.0,0.08582104973712858,0.07174754293760689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213401889211197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014124421135549,0.0,0.09196918167894244,0.07644415500219036,0.13891342060601286,0.08923110295647607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542898772668688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700648822161023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306358654716507,0.0,0.0,0.11987795192538668,0.11562024181905853,0.0,0.0,0.05260872447911129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444196309414637,0.05321481872851058,0.07161341254870411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784107484578357,0.0,0.0,0.091943140706799,0.06409057288489406,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,careena_who,2019/10/19,"Detailed description of splitting Would people mind giving me really detailed descriptions of what splitting is? 

I am not diagnosed with bpd, but when I read about splitting, it seems kind of 'normal' but perhaps on the extreme end. I think people who don't have enough bpd traits to qualify for the diagnosis can split. So I'm wondering if I do it sometimes.

Like, depending on some other details of the situation, if someone seems to reject/betray me I can pretty much decide that person is a snake and I write them off forever. Like they are not to be trusted ever and I avoid that person and cut off my emotions around them. And this would be for what i consider a relatively minor 'infraction'.

Sorry if this isn't allowed.",4.9768080808080795,7.09351711851852,5.89117845117845,74.68484848484849,70.4074074074074,8.760942760942761,30.79124579124579,9.339509955726095,3.1410740740740746,581,25,95,13,11,191,88,135,0.075,0.833,0.092,0.5055,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,5,6,1,1,5,0,14,1,0,2,1,28,20,11,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,6,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,14,4,16,16,3,8,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,8,5,76,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480942628817033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41904520998252026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885029339791754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871308300665174,0.14734418137824992,0.17189271716437327,0.0,0.0,0.15048071412245867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595861541821499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173236693393577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254864080289194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797457966606685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229257935941293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299592931576004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306639624169428,0.2905155093346801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924631898416986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640343788193065,0.0,0.10657346301807268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028929132193393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699383302314135,0.0,0.0,0.1409549485068962,0.0,0.1645327300966732,0.18622463002907014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659575759254132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040860895580105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23635249550495716,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tfnyelice,2019/10/19,"i’m not doing ok right now and these have been my thoughts to him for the last hour. this is the only group that i think could relate. i have so much regret about how i spent our time together. looking back i would have changed so many things, how i handled being upset. taking anger out on you. not picking up on the hints that i was wearing you down, little by little. until there was no more left. you couldn’t take it anymore.

why didn’t i focus on what i had which was you. all i wanted was you. and you’re gone. you’re fine, fine without me, free from the burden that was our relationship. and i’m so sad. i don’t regret the happiness i experienced with you. but it’s hard for me to say i almost wish it never happened. i’ll never have another like you, somebody that makes me happy the way you did. someone as patient and kind. i would just ruin them too. i still love you so fucking much and today it’s killing me. i’m fucking spiraling. i’m not ok, not ok at all. the thoughts and feelings come in waves and today i’m drowning. i can’t reach for you anymore and i’ve exhausted everyone around me they are all so tired. i feel so alone. i am alone. i am around people and i am alone. 

how did i not see this coming? did i really think we could continue whatever time we had left together in the way that we were? how was i so blind that i couldn’t see how unhappy you were with me? i didn’t want to see it. it hurts so much to think i never knew what was going through your head all those times. did i even want to know? why can’t i grasp the fact that i wasn’t right for you. of course you want a girl without all the bullshit trauma, one who is already fit and active and has pretty perfect skin and eats 3 square meals a day. i knew going into it that it was too good to be true. i’m not worth being loved by somebody like you. it’s why i could never believe that you loved me. 

we discussed in the beginning how it felt like we were waiting on the other shoe to drop and now it’s dropped. the happiness you felt from being with me was not worth the difficulty of being with me. i knew it all along. why did i have to fucking fall in love with you? why did you have to fucking love me when i’m so unlovable? i can’t get you out of my head i’m going crazy and you are just enjoying your saturday and going about life like any normal person would. i can’t get therapy soon enough and i don’t even know if i can have the full treatment because of my fucking work schedule. i have nobody to talk to it’s saturday they’re all busy having lives. and what do i even say? “i’m sad” oh well i’m always fucking sad why don’t i just get the fuck over it already? it’s no wonder you broke up with me who the fuck wants to deal with this shit when i get this low? fucking nobody it’s why i’ll end up alone, i’ll go through life jumping into one relationship after another and breaking hearts and having my heart broken over and over again until i can’t fucking take it anymore and finally kill myself. life is not worth living like this.  

nobody has the resources to be my full time fucking therapist, oh and my insurance is changing next year to one not as good as what i have now so another reason to fucking hate myself for not getting help sooner and maybe then i’d be better and you’d still be around, i know you are living your best life and fucking girls non committal because who the fuck wants to commit when you run the risk of doing it with a crazy bitch like me? i’m not ok. this is what happens to me and i’m not ok. aren’t you glad you got out when you did?",1.2281137636310042,3.1230955742705606,2.8294451812555264,93.42903661951077,80.65782493368702,5.621249631594459,20.817049808429122,6.6274283507984215,0.2087141762452105,2789,78,623,27,72,916,272,754,0.218,0.6629999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.9979,1,4,0,0,0,3,64.0,7,30,2,4,43,67,20,2,23,5,79,36,8,9,16,131,161,54,3,19,19,0,6,6,0,3,7,2,0,3,46,50,2,1,18,0,5,11,34,35,1,3,35,15,104,33,76,109,15,88,0,9,6,19,60,34,16,3,44,430,150,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044777326857035615,0.1852521074050532,0.09869200531367442,0.0,0.03720788582115921,0.0,0.0,0.030408896953383058,0.14066811154924824,0.0,0.0,0.1330408850350606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942206013267108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03438439064259752,0.0,0.0545177840893157,0.0,0.0,0.05038042057997507,0.04692742950381786,0.03954829710819673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460870225151567,0.07703897425909732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710796555851826,0.0,0.0,0.02883857934210347,0.04610096564600092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045756359000515084,0.0,0.0,0.039605733416804144,0.04620431610275469,0.0,0.08860489785632733,0.0,0.0,0.04272873375425538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522022544396929,0.0,0.08587011035680939,0.04898497128095696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5787583040670715,0.11681317969325535,0.0,0.12706768709251154,0.07501251141130298,0.035764038820699284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908567990350558,0.14280531142832684,0.040057389893721464,0.04414849448779458,0.09178449273226673,0.0,0.0,0.10597903592615354,0.02997266886647785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403695294381203,0.0,0.04787016409189721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989448310135056,0.046565573423908886,0.07372540494235617,0.036450087811246916,0.0,0.0,0.09716967491181118,0.0,0.1263389419374532,0.13107795790815344,0.08963578405928177,0.11845702546393985,0.0,0.03755077513749187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179288815025387,0.0,0.02984875189414944,0.0453357264960602,0.04492394664037085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861578350070983,0.0,0.1379531372107084,0.0,0.04755672956116569,0.0,0.043812882627051436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090360216883893,0.03400907380822213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031000937121829605,0.039044907333730915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549297114254357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028646670171276194,0.04597622657459663,0.0,0.0960180259315708,0.0,0.07637565391298283,0.0,0.0711210469375707,0.0,0.0,0.10690028777792757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590106135381455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788832420882797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142164650422568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086420506485654,0.035941598548021425,0.0,0.0,0.05113745624962746,0.051919548134172655,0.02970779589302284,0.08595798868503535,0.0,0.07100014742598879,0.10429869539249194,0.0513952813223065,0.08477242708123031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825044868181606,0.07098808776859672,0.0,0.0,0.040205693545329386,0.0,0.282449135735211,0.0,0.051422010934814015,0.08621062757308666,0.04849336570717582,0.03255429825856372,0.0,0.0,0.0952964057535651,0.0,0.0,0.028796095857245275
bpd,shadynasty_reynolds,2019/10/19,"Anyone have experience with DBT and wish to share? I’m starting it now and hoping for the best. I just got a workbook off the internet and should be in therapy for it shortly. Nothing seems to work on me and I really want to change, anyone have experience with this?",2.0150641025641,4.64390525,3.9015384615384616,82.5267948717949,83.03846153846153,7.3128205128205135,24.051282051282055,8.344100000000001,1.9146435897435896,211,8,40,5,6,71,38,52,0.0,0.7559999999999999,0.244,0.9162,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,11,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,10,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,30,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35183329052224765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26402678357913245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661474495639196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922039836004908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121843956657026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498843132745593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140611077596685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117414197935107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290368728633433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807575298389344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28771356617581817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839351386881014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893145500583056,0.0,0.0,0.18315954553157554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,childish---bambino,2019/10/19,"When should i turn to medication? Before my BPD diagnosis, I had been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and PTSD. 

Early teens, I was given anti depressants. I think it was called pristique.  Your standard minimum dose. They made me feel worse and J stopped taking them after a couple weeks. I was also doing some CBT therapy with very little results. 

I'm now mid 20s and a year and a half ago I had a huge melt down and was finally diagnosed with BPD. So bittersweet. I was so relieved to have a diagnosis that made sense, but so scared of the work ahead of me. 

When I had the most recent melt down last year, I was out on Lexapro 10mg then after a month it was doubled to 20mg. I felt weird. 

Therapy alone wasn't working, I had tried many therapists over the years. Medication was making me feel inauthentic (ironic because I don't even know who I am ) . 

I don't like being on medication but my symptoms aren't getting any better with therapy. 
Is it time for me to bite the bullet and commit to medication? Has anyone else felt the same? 

Tl;Dr 
Therapy hasn't worked and I've dabbled in anti depressants but didn't like them. I had only tried them for maximum of  2months. Is it time to commit to medication?",2.606073446327688,5.058528788135593,4.4950000000000045,80.34992937853109,78.91525423728814,8.001129943502825,25.51129943502825,8.841846274778883,2.290150282485876,958,37,179,24,24,325,134,236,0.16,0.8009999999999999,0.04,-0.9740000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,4,5,8,8,0,1,11,0,28,9,0,4,2,34,42,17,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,9,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,21,4,26,4,26,19,4,30,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,2,22,121,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471765166201665,0.0,0.0,0.09898241384321718,0.0,0.07642784751146423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499134751917872,0.0,0.07311131745460014,0.0,0.0,0.06682524966772596,0.09792346752461116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582590065196377,0.0,0.08132361940317018,0.0,0.0,0.08452451021458683,0.0,0.0,0.2407358808172833,0.0,0.097588361526238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574715242708084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462979319833726,0.19400448037146145,0.0,0.0,0.10953229238370604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983704943474862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312354042645021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966468264610188,0.0,0.18352570276603694,0.10469302114503302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049931741805057606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525231526916421,0.07790286927134916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338202486783867,0.09578694026424947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808625983126656,0.06379417873460849,0.09689368082823832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813870859979573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628361420528196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268581751136695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171702410497587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436452818095667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568293469309276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799013775161051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933454189464527,0.0718572661334948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371736594669988,0.1109649390110923,0.0,0.06123784017599551,0.0,0.0,0.11145607761507907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297724522880121,0.10395346860189772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885582950917604,0.0,0.0,0.0766610440338549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872980509047304,0.0,0.09739469953182413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846331758685119
bpd,Aimilia97,2019/10/19,"What does having a fp feel like? I'm not sure if I have a fp or I just admire some people because I have low self esteem and want to be like them, I just meet some people that I trust very soon after I meet them and feel like I need their help suddenly to exist - if that makes sense-, I want to be around him and sometimes I think he is into me too, even tho I know he probably isn't. Is that fp or just a crush or something?",0.17700945626477704,1.8207466063829791,2.166312056737592,98.13388888888888,82.93617021276594,5.028841607565012,15.763593380614658,5.82211442006289,-0.8448591016548468,327,5,81,2,9,109,56,94,0.061,0.7290000000000001,0.21,0.9169,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,1,25,17,9,0,5,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,15,6,6,15,2,6,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,7,6,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073043054112389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195582479451274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378672962785385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380890922274926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23549285824881905,0.3327257668037141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608832975540998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279796533886475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413066018374538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544300873560848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267068248152562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228864615129949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25107401430959264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24293494015137745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927525136753786,0.2303150889602739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194778904376268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921414953905487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214272584715844,0.2747063591815045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xrphansxracle,2019/10/19,"Word document of feelings The other day, I asked my mom for advice on how to stop overthinking. She doesn't know I am BPD, she just assumes I'm a sensitive person and I'll let her believe that for now. She suggested that when I am in a state of overthinking, I write down all my feelings, much like a journal. I then thought, when I am done being in that state of mind, I'll write out a rational response to it and whenever I am in that state of mind, whatever my mood decides to be, I can use that as a way to calm myself down. It's like a reality checker that we BPD's don't naturally have. I'm going to try  it out and see how it works!",2.472262773722626,3.327176262773726,4.6537299270073005,86.09884306569346,74.69343065693431,8.39970802919708,27.56861313868613,8.841846274778883,1.929654598540146,496,19,113,10,10,173,78,137,0.018000000000000002,0.919,0.063,0.6588,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,7,0,12,0,0,3,1,23,22,9,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,17,3,20,17,2,19,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,8,79,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298994558507426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463127736030127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250936985904035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974763801037839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736801406520842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210607664685346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997189335180085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122410279982401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853815303298373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019521409494874,0.0,0.1929722795800148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988275434300527,0.23130389766245946,0.0,0.0,0.14518163731262598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724451210811505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573780408962497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511476360346572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567890648965236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408622259020633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057237337193976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567624336503358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377879954808132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,esjunsia,2019/10/19,"BPD + ASD Comorbidity Is there anyone here that’s comorbid ASD who wants to start a group chat or something on Instagram?

Ultimately, my BPD makes me feel like I’m too intense for aspergirls and my ASD makes me feel like I’m not intense enough for bordertypes.

So, for now, I’m just heading to the cemetery alone, in the rain, to play Pokémon Go.",8.951127450980396,6.672684014705883,8.867647058823529,71.85774509803925,61.79411764705882,12.596078431372552,40.31372549019608,11.20814326018867,4.266190196078432,275,12,55,6,3,90,50,68,0.028999999999999998,0.8240000000000001,0.147,0.7184,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,9,11,3,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,8,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24692298268718585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667032488509219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6005432624161433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634337940713874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410965921159025,0.3406432325891066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549506233229122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446795453757243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329521701325509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318283789606903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835412439971603,0.0,0.0,0.16874927622639024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062160424680306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candlewaxxy,2019/10/19,"I feel like im in limbo I didn't know where to put this so im putting it here, maybe i can get some perspective from others but i dont know. Im having a really hard time. I feel isolated, and last month i experienced my first, real death. I've had people die around me before - and pets too. But this is the first time im really dealing with a close grief and theres other things too.

Last month one of my cats died, on my dads birthday no less. My cats are my everything and i know i sound like a crazy cat lady but they are. I live alone and my two were always there when i got home waiting by the door. They always woke me up, or were waiting by the bedroom door ready and excited to see me. They comfort me, they love me. I do everything for them. Most of my spending money is for them. They are and always will be my ""children"" so to speak. I love them so much. 
But last month my youngest died. Suddenly. One day he wasnt there to greet me with the other, and didn't come home. I just thought he was still out having fun, chasing some shit. But a few hours later i got the call that hed been handed in and i haven't felt right since. I cry every day. I miss him so much, he was a strange boy. Came from a farm, had to nurse him tirelessly otherwise he'd literally die. He was tiny and very sick. Did that, and now because someone hit him, i have a hole in my heart. im also in the middle of a divorxe right now, we're doing the usual bpd antics of sleeping together even after a year apart, fighting then making up. Dates but then fights. Its just a mess. I want someone new but i feel guilty. I need a new baby cat to fill the hole but i feel guilty. i feel like i can't fix anything because i have ""loyalties"". When i know i Dont. I could just break it off with my ex and just find someone new but i can't do that. I want to just get a new kitten in his honor and love it but i can't. I can't fix anything because fixing things for me means in my mind dishonouring and breaking loyalties. Im so tired. I just want everything to be okay again but its not. I know i have the power to fix it all but i can't will it.

Im not a one night stand person, i have incredibly fucked up issues with intimacy and in general relationships. I grew up around substance abuse and you can basically tick off any other kind of abuse bexause ive experienced it all. My post history says im 21 but im 19. 20 soon. And i hate being alive. Im usually good, im usually strong and capable but its seeping into my life in ways it didn't before. I know nobody would judge me for doing the things i want but im judging myself. Only a month later and im already thinking about a new baby. Im fucking awful. Nothing would ever replave him but i feel like people will think that of me. I just want it all to stop.",-0.13466922339405585,1.9942449194630891,2.2231888782358595,94.28830201342285,88.06040268456375,5.217794822627038,18.41361457334612,6.6770525081376135,-0.0067302205177375285,2156,59,495,27,70,732,258,596,0.18,0.703,0.11699999999999999,-0.9937,1,1,0,0,5,0,69.0,0,1,8,5,32,24,6,0,25,2,50,12,4,1,4,97,92,46,6,9,26,2,9,4,0,5,3,3,6,3,24,30,0,3,18,0,2,6,15,9,0,6,19,15,84,15,49,61,10,76,0,2,1,5,35,25,3,4,44,315,108,0,0.0,0.10939770402000433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781378307120941,0.050945041317267716,0.036918725050500825,0.11524078010954107,0.0,0.0,0.031394285824446345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598093975966189,0.0821945913898551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442661857346738,0.0,0.07856728777836787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058144132558163864,0.0,0.04714038147908884,0.052801307082386686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03976769662543108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03685958630214836,0.0,0.05071089686075152,0.059546165322925074,0.047594850102332255,0.0,0.0,0.191650995112354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821180530397496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030492035417701933,0.041759554248327384,0.03889662648438906,0.0,0.12447236913517355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005670953572022,0.09894244017166766,0.04432634949651647,0.0,0.04219464937047282,0.07853710855409395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535896418269433,0.04823938674229982,0.0,0.0,0.03872163181824972,0.07384591810053906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041355434550376616,0.045579109850435416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470662336692849,0.0,0.0,0.09261600131328844,0.0,0.045463953844663264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6981368875626475,0.04818503760860608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807451332057605,0.15222889793283867,0.11289371760113892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032608226960870366,0.0902169932297945,0.0,0.04076519361016495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249991464861366,0.0,0.0308159894752006,0.0,0.04637969023842127,0.050288024063616606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046614236334609566,0.0,0.14739621069562833,0.0,0.0678742605882557,0.03423131073766634,0.0,0.22293579353387272,0.0,0.04332341899361338,0.0,0.044297271969038265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384929921447847,0.035111125056485636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064011021663851,0.040310142873755166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04421401687416225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928186381474552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254671830636404,0.0591499094922371,0.0,0.0,0.04956472697802795,0.0,0.07885057825836135,0.0,0.036712848859905056,0.0,0.0,0.036788117135155916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047388467986727946,0.038188776624455634,0.0,0.046199079659214035,0.0,0.11734824332280523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686801905119378,0.038596625231802746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201139754358424,0.05916228332362668,0.0,0.03665044025250872,0.053839227698531736,0.05306072608729767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509721916587936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253511882485454,0.03809156980172377,0.13614874580346273,0.0366442150294812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558963329835603,0.0,0.0,0.02972922251525265
bpd,nihilxstic,2019/10/19,"How do I NOT have a favorite person? So for some ungodly reason I can’t f not be attached to someone. Whatever environment I may be put in I will get attached. I’m trying my best and doing everything I can to not be attached. I know I’m attached to one person rn, but I’m doing everything I can to not and just leave it. I’m convincing myself I don’t but at the same time I feel like I have separation anxiety from them!! 

I don’t know what the hell to do bc I feel like floating when I think abt them and feel like drowning to them thought of losing them. Jfc can I go one week without leeching on to someone? I’m trying my best to hide it so they don’t think it’s weird or become uncomfortable but like hhhhh.",0.6106578947368426,2.6699879605263166,3.3307894736842094,88.10302631578949,83.86842105263158,6.43157894736842,23.315789473684212,7.645422480735847,1.1752421052631576,558,21,121,10,16,196,79,152,0.132,0.6970000000000001,0.17,0.7921,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,3,5,10,1,0,3,0,18,0,0,2,0,26,33,11,1,0,10,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,0,0,2,9,3,0,2,1,3,22,7,15,27,4,8,1,1,0,0,7,3,1,3,7,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067661591002955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422002359948704,0.0,0.0,0.3310931146741993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835470566223081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392860441135262,0.3380851254052824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241670150820916,0.0,0.08965169569000885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338810308510788,0.0,0.0,0.16703211648095895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30827037838224464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647940962852995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137879494318388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754785445948774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585800838527116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219098529902906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673183552716463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215680896920865,0.0,0.12523411255503275,0.09198399603143154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142007684403684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265357497063307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520632256176979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,m__nag,2019/10/19,"Spiralling I am spiralling quicker than ever. In the last week I have really really started to spiral into negative thoughts, binge eating, binge drinking. I hate my own existence, it's so empty and worthless. I cause so much pain to those closest to me and have pushed everyone else away.

I never finished university, even though I was in my last year, I am in heaps of debt, I am stuck in a dead end job and a dead end life. I just want to feel some sort of happiness and stability for once. I don't wish this sort of emotional torment on any other human, I hate the person I am.

I am really really struggling.",4.076666666666668,5.4995540000000025,5.638333333333333,78.38666666666668,71.5,9.0,28.333333333333336,9.444778638647367,2.621083333333333,480,18,90,11,9,163,78,120,0.293,0.662,0.045,-0.9873,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,1,4,0,9,4,0,1,2,16,17,7,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,2,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,3,1,16,1,16,14,3,19,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,3,10,64,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067593700140144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290947434202404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718961943243507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943355335675885,0.0,0.16653441635577382,0.13595717877692148,0.1830724334286359,0.28829731399019737,0.0,0.0,0.10749518590119404,0.14721716623970996,0.0,0.1555150998204658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229155483834677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325095870611273,0.0,0.3213648954204684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615047818554452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653267975143903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114955507923625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964036116140846,0.0,0.12552323705200566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733239960317401,0.0,0.0,0.1731780318757252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210747962736614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170486115345089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519565827657642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014218419409982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990156310766382,0.1292057363286689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599447554006972,0.0,0.13054865307183902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871550701569823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048060012130177
bpd,TripleSheepieSupreme,2019/10/19,"Just lost my partner of 2 years He’d been pretty distant for a long long  while and I finally was tormented enough to asked him if he even considered me more than a friend now.

Answer was “no”, but he waited for agony to finally make me desperate enough to ask just to put an end to the pain of wondering. He’d gotten bored of me.

Had never been so genuinely in love with someone before and also had it reciprocated; we shared so much in common he made me believe we had a future together and I just feel like there’s nothing left now in my bleak life to look forward to. 

I’m so tired of trusting people and giving my all to them and more only for it to yield only hurt in the end. I just needed to let this out where people that understand.

I really hope today is kind to you all.",2.695413282369806,4.197419745341616,4.484720496894411,84.96772097467749,75.14906832298136,7.686765408504539,22.943621595795523,8.384062270229773,1.3078194935499288,613,17,127,11,13,208,102,161,0.139,0.6890000000000001,0.171,0.7968,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,1,1,1,13,11,0,0,6,0,11,4,0,2,3,28,27,12,0,3,6,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,4,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,10,2,18,7,25,14,7,23,0,2,1,1,17,8,0,3,16,92,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125729411173774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632000781806077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197840750016132,0.15859848986618533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493591533233269,0.2909040724487096,0.0,0.092976615604427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071177050372547,0.10056542198409134,0.0,0.3084111796552245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875780211472193,0.0,0.0,0.13503847901136393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981540777245202,0.0,0.0,0.15069615630876787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658928091045678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294596119277806,0.14394586888688002,0.09942932776218233,0.06877263673618328,0.0,0.0,0.24915232070311075,0.1182105302328116,0.0,0.15366602328390908,0.0,0.12704954408057126,0.13319905828260792,0.09396441951665983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034814329332262,0.10437845084765963,0.10856975280302353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350716792687116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412237871930587,0.14978817112461645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951830395760136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321270921666704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151175416371653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018024416145813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927314091278116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617932901339349,0.13343257919048016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654552300441193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265800644672886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065063896700157
bpd,Sb22312,2019/10/19,"May have fucked up the only good friendship I have Basically I'm at uni and live with some friends who I'm close with and get on really well with but last night I got very drunk (....after going to AA for the first time ever literally the day before fuck my life ) 

And while drunk sent my friend a really long message where I was like talking about how annoying I've found them all recently and it's like yeah I have but I know that s not rational and I'm like trying to explain that I feel isolated and get annoyed when they complain sometimes because my world literally feels like it's ending all the time and she just sent back like a single message about how u don't have to have a lot in common to be good friends and I'm like that's not my point at all 

TLDR: I feel v isolated from my friend group bc I'm really struggling w BPD and when I tried to explain that to my friend I came off as a dickhead and she was really dissmiseve in response and now I don't know what to do",1.7564409810935118,3.648156713592236,3.41706182933061,89.87492335206949,78.95145631067963,6.861113949923352,22.492590700051107,7.85451343220497,0.9714407766990292,777,24,170,13,19,258,112,206,0.168,0.622,0.21100000000000002,0.8140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,12,20,4,1,8,1,12,5,0,2,4,38,34,19,0,0,5,0,3,6,5,1,1,0,0,0,8,16,2,0,8,2,0,4,4,6,2,1,7,3,20,14,23,25,6,32,0,0,0,2,19,11,2,3,23,104,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530122808404176,0.0,0.07555189548271027,0.0,0.10546272517285336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560964835567084,0.0,0.0,0.1417528820214764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993022345717267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977292205127964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210967102379207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880014276176488,0.08854184882637711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542221488765033,0.0,0.13589241317475229,0.4787737516307581,0.2291587054916135,0.1295057352841673,0.0,0.07043723272916076,0.20790784206334054,0.09912511919392583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622696230646453,0.10102660152655167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754158570547357,0.3633011994669357,0.0,0.10944016350557274,0.1096818701656999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105368270621686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630809615728695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426098410797787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716215423508156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175932796039069,0.0,0.12237453736873725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257856663793873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295676637751015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961725122697407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445393327132841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829251539835338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226242679355492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143579686108014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whazzat,2019/10/19,Books on DBT? I don't have access to DBT classes and I'd like to hear your recommendations for books on the practice. Preferably geared towards women. Or really any good books/workbooks/journals made specifically for people with BPD.,4.611707317073169,7.982492121951221,4.588487804878049,76.77053658536586,79.0,6.206829268292682,27.71219512195122,7.554174236665415,2.1296985365853653,191,8,29,3,5,59,34,41,0.0,0.857,0.14300000000000002,0.6887,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,8,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,15,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765292909174481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121491164738962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34107051995841753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583130767288133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866386916749726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847728041808163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28191312474167884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26050413475217216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drizzo6,2019/10/19,"So I’m about to be on my bullshit Been talking to a dude in France and he’s easily become my FP somehow

But usually he is constantly talking and super sweet to me. But now he left me on read...

So me being a super mature and responsible adult, I’m feeling super fucking hurt and rejected and like I’m boring him or did something wrong. So I’m about to drink and get rickety rickety wrecked.

I’ve had a couple already but nothing crazy, but this is too much for me. I feel like I fucked up and now and going to be on my BS. Might cut my hair when I’m blacked out, who knows 🧐",1.3160310421286034,2.9692217560975607,3.5448928307464875,89.56350332594236,79.40650406504065,6.098743532889874,25.00295639320029,6.980632752743323,0.968421138211382,448,17,98,5,11,154,75,123,0.14400000000000002,0.682,0.174,-0.0192,0,1,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,3,0,3,0,9,4,1,0,0,19,21,17,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,9,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,7,0,0,3,5,11,6,14,14,1,13,0,2,1,2,8,7,2,3,7,61,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224823825237285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22500648511374466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201624016940712,0.0,0.0,0.22542608140728485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995802397202526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602649687972108,0.14554650333335956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766947351427721,0.10644179663103548,0.0,0.1157858466261586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180998019377697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196602672207023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135590356385149,0.0,0.0,0.19906676876571489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612793439122555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976679286185682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954867809338675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037875833783837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684319384946988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275048529017746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243825111042023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227494521482522,0.0,0.0
bpd,gummiegummie,2019/10/19,"Is anyone else scared to admit to partners they have BPD in fear that they will use that as an excuse to invalidate your feelings? I am struggling hard today, and I know that transparency usually breeds compassion, but I can't help but believe that admission to this illness will make him think I am a monster, that I am a horrible person, and that I am unlovable. The worst part is that I genuinely can't tell if that's the illness talking, or if I have a legitimate reason to believe he would feel that way about me based on how he has treated me in the past. I am seriously so fucked up in the head right now, questioning every single emotion and intent and asking myself whether it's appropriate given the context.

Even if I do have reason for believing he will use my illness as an excuse to invalidate my feelings, I will never be able to see it, because I have absolutely no ground of understanding when it comes to how I deserve to be treated. Sorry this doesn't make any sense. I wish I could jump out of my head.",12.001864285714285,7.065235515000001,11.541857142857143,63.20200000000001,58.85,14.428571428571427,45.57142857142857,11.491704259439757,5.089442857142857,813,34,151,15,7,271,116,200,0.247,0.71,0.043,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,0,7,9,1,3,10,0,24,6,2,9,1,34,41,17,0,6,7,0,4,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,14,6,0,0,10,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,1,5,25,2,21,32,3,17,0,0,1,1,17,8,1,5,6,116,39,0,0.1315209789988372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943877576575228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196252653106522,0.1347587854145372,0.0,0.0,0.12295436133679925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017396806409871,0.0,0.0,0.4445373154584664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656460689389007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329367774414467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500879977110864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109868901550112,0.14794339913387894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686836622483718,0.0,0.11081209725983138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799766638238854,0.1995028762352056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158902578360395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117816963829965,0.0,0.2699569365123335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881557398796677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228049048701288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558254951772606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014370870150712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242440362990008,0.12555165636336266,0.0,0.11483904586113662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733359646875735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704509423978493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231819744658664,0.0,0.0,0.13167544399813028,0.0,0.10480519218351944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722696820805267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749428351565454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571158099312597,0.11495513266679028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842733327580811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466650974647132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691797747423512,0.0,0.22718379604471464,0.14485177722326414,0.0,0.0,0.10439523133161056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124263509042632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342872995953934,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,profdrip,2019/10/19,BPD//Bi Polar gf She says the most foul things to me that just hurt me to my core. Is it the bpd or does she just feel that way..? And we haven’t had sex in a few weeks. But like that happens regularly i feel like she just keeps me around to take from me. Is this normal in bpd relationships,0.09131336405530276,2.196865596774199,1.3771889400921675,100.96435483870968,86.58064516129032,4.833179723502305,15.308755760368664,6.1826913282559595,-0.9394082949308756,225,4,57,2,7,71,45,62,0.053,0.87,0.078,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,13,9,3,0,1,5,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,10,2,7,8,2,5,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,2,3,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436525005772036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7400717766068101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140658993799826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980748592457187,0.13992910425639205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320662116831562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096821924587846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409767977421034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913837433579645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191037802885974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029038206601924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557631703873581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726937651610186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301268941549648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554719747064279,0.1571145795745313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,krokantekrab,2019/10/19,"I love him too much and I can't stop Past 2.5 years, I've loved someone in another country, 1.5 years of that time he completely abandoned me but reached out a few months back, after a lot of talking I realised I can't ignore my feelings and broke up with my boyfriend to be with him in an ldr. I can't even see him for months to come, whenever he acts a little colder and I don't know what's up I completely freak out, I'm always really happy when it's going well between us but any inconvenience and I can't sleep, I am so scared of losing him again, I want it to work out so bad. He is scared of abandonmennt as well which makes it all extra hard. 

I could go and see him earlier but I don't want to scare him off or seem to desperate, but I'm so scared it won't last otherwise.

Ever since I've known this guy he's just been everything to me, I felt empty a lot during the time we weren't talking and it took me months to be able to feel somewhat decent. It's completely crazy and I don't know what to do, I just can't depend on him for my happiness anymore. He didn't say goodnight to me for the first time today and its now 6 am and I want to cut myself and cancel all my plans.",1.1018351870576346,2.688011647286821,3.1460229187731734,92.48655712841257,79.81395348837209,6.502460397708124,20.907313784967986,7.423996415210882,0.4819819346140886,927,25,217,13,23,314,137,258,0.195,0.682,0.12300000000000001,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,0,0,4,14,17,1,4,7,0,19,3,1,2,3,46,39,20,0,4,7,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,17,0,3,7,0,0,5,11,11,2,1,5,7,34,6,32,30,8,34,0,3,2,2,20,10,0,6,19,142,46,1,0.10637323475798688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851105270081355,0.0,0.0,0.07233744732907918,0.11154161149694627,0.0,0.0,0.10549366553908164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179445150096658,0.08881720780993489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163112281410378,0.3345909384247981,0.0,0.0,0.08493037228536246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025851832778009,0.0962206808212201,0.0,0.0,0.0956014044147062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757100730344957,0.0,0.10213498691847253,0.0,0.0,0.09048101914435147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090872137024185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532622638655192,0.0,0.22647257280428004,0.09528952451052633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691989584514023,0.0867083837742771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661392647896832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900444047450788,0.0,0.18086944049673576,0.19201199491489987,0.0,0.07100496020266113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25471830337190604,0.0,0.07819656700838055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154528895889796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814541802831342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459226578856763,0.4259926598143435,0.0,0.16953139182596885,0.0968381978243744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799303902248418,0.0,0.10645005623596676,0.0,0.09012969661624816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893278733582967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099755350390378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860812658548281,0.0,0.10082938865469897,0.0,0.11818457779502126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795390402291346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822506968721966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128462591871814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744098180292591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700175120129454
bpd,three2em,2019/10/19,"Losing a best friend I'm posting this here because I feel it's an appropriate space for this. I'm not very active here, but I am diagnosed with BPD. But this post isn't about me. It's about someone I consider one of my best friends. And it just so happens he's been dating someone that I am convinced as BPD as well. They've been dating for several years, and when I first met her, I didn't like her. Keep in mind, during my first interaction with her she told me she ""would kill herself"" if my best friend would ever leave her. Our group of friends unanimously decided that she was bad news, and hated her, but as I got to know her better, I became convinced that she has BPD, as do I. And as toxic as their relationship was, I always tried to fix it.l What I never expected was that my best friend would become like her. And when I say that, I mean the black and white thinking, the splitting, I never expected that. But that's where we are. He's already cut off all our mutual friends, and now when I reach out to him, he ignores me. I care about this person very deeply, and I don't think things can ever be like they were, but the last time he reached out to me, he sounded suicidal. He assured me he wasn't, but I don't know hat do. I want to be a good friend, I want to be there for him, but I can tell that the switch has already turned against me. It feels like he sees me as the enemy at this point. It's like he has acute BPD, and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel terrible, like there is more I should be able to do, but this has been going on for years, and at this point, I feel like the best I can do is tell him ""I'll always be here for you, my door is always open."" I don't want to lose his friendship because he is a awesome, he's just become someone that isn't the person that isn't who I became best friends with... it's like he has BPD, and I should be able to handle that, but I can't.",4.4671387468030685,3.7880998848039233,5.26845694799659,88.88566496163685,69.75980392156863,8.468201193520889,26.80775788576301,7.586124646067393,1.1099777067348675,1475,37,352,14,23,482,164,408,0.133,0.6409999999999999,0.226,0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,3,1,2,11,20,37,3,0,11,0,47,1,0,1,6,64,72,33,2,11,13,0,4,8,8,5,1,2,1,2,28,19,0,2,11,0,0,1,13,8,1,3,12,9,64,29,39,49,8,31,0,2,3,0,54,12,0,1,24,241,92,0,0.1308283235224676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443723082593956,0.0,0.16328946841376513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461809271926808,0.07975173171469949,0.14448960467121058,0.0,0.0,0.4118887622120811,0.05785351025234086,0.0,0.0,0.4119342340349191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669409754092417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743912844962792,0.0,0.06639399723036463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834170868894718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323014626484953,0.09346378046518593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128250515453088,0.0,0.0,0.40431055287908063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037176375598858516,0.05486629533143924,0.05231768085785946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057845527211872284,0.0,0.0,0.06458294200347932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581431125725645,0.07237107807442822,0.0,0.10784973772755868,0.053321272547273285,0.0,0.06926415224581688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556644419168025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636342943251676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125519897662279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604965589747708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090286841083933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044326328941224666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423424581613788,0.0,0.0,0.12367505317997975,0.0,0.1252973696456513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023032916492307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052019966964736576,0.0,0.0,0.05212661772362985,0.0,0.0,0.07389938338931451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662756209499451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715524758187133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434972125041733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345826242706239,0.08382950709702577,0.0,0.0,0.03814352376972952,0.0,0.0,0.06250603482517612,0.0,0.044411921937527334,0.07115182384681129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794706835647906,0.11574890228779865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881518734835985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940503107357427,0.0,0.0,0.08424915097339276
bpd,Puppydog589,2019/10/19,"Do you tell your SO about your bpd? And if you do..how far into the relationship and how do you tell them?

I’ve been dating someone for two months and really care about him. I haven’t told him yet and honestly wasn’t planing on telling him but he told me last week he thinks I’m “bipolar”.
I know what he means by that...he’s someone who doesn’t really understand mental health so he’s seeing my bpd symptoms and labeling it as “bipolar”.

I told him I’m not bipolar but am very emotional and have high levels of anxiety.
He’s understanding and accepts and tries to help my anxiety but I’m so afraid if I tell him I have a personality disorder then he’ll think I’m crazy, weird, unstable, and will leave me.

I know even if he stays with me he will view me different, and I don’t want that.

Can I tell him farther into our relationship? I feel like it’s too soon to talk about this but I also don’t want to hid it from him.",2.161469072164948,3.6417524020618575,4.0408118556701025,87.687918814433,76.52577319587628,7.9427835051546385,23.980670103092784,8.660442795831766,1.4386402061855672,722,23,163,15,16,245,103,194,0.1,0.795,0.105,0.2086,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,5,1,0,12,6,0,1,2,0,14,5,0,1,0,33,34,24,0,5,8,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,7,13,0,0,9,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,3,30,4,15,26,0,15,0,0,2,0,36,7,0,3,8,97,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245655423994208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688894056007312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29122382412961106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787628053204467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079212760694548,0.13250377528008048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005030160538725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636202286581263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845796292687103,0.08259473635533827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228923822601764,0.0,0.0,0.07749369439066407,0.12215264462186487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707697191024908,0.09424092255317296,0.0,0.12241863885979234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648320951295846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593764866195478,0.0,0.0,0.11651182037612473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228207183685927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094977293850514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813070624123564,0.0,0.0,0.2482525527067082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921294693313291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591890400505008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322924797461425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201673180604026,0.0,0.09292623443711397,0.5052590978011352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816169435936435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314226821111335,0.0,0.07849438499505781,0.0,0.1129381766075944,0.240716711525743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539374083585364,0.13638438363035704,0.0,0.09273865752589093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moodystix,2019/10/19,"It's so difficult to do engineering because of this big bs BPD is. I hate feeling big feelings. I don't want to overreact, engineering teaches you how to dissipate emotion and think problems coldly, not overreact because I'm scared of problem solving because of my parents who never taught me how to do solve problems. I can't bring myself too much to stop overreacting or feeling big feelings, I don't want to feel anything anymore.

I want to be normal and succeed. My personality type is ISTJ and doesn't align with my shit BPD. It's killing me.

I'm tired. I got abandonment issues too and all my friends have left me. My ex sucks and he still says hurtful shit to me even though we broke up in June. I gotta mention that I don't miss him at all, and I'm glad I don't, though. Yes I'm still suffering after you backstabbed me. Yes I'm struggling, are you happy now? 

I'm tired of crying. I want to sleep forever.",2.5145907928388738,4.601524065217394,4.022480818414324,85.50129156010233,77.3695652173913,6.720716112531973,29.30179028132993,7.724431198458867,1.9289875959079288,724,34,144,11,17,240,103,184,0.313,0.57,0.11599999999999999,-0.9909,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,3,0,1,11,20,5,2,0,2,13,5,3,2,3,31,36,12,1,8,2,2,5,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,5,8,0,2,6,0,0,1,8,16,0,0,2,7,26,4,18,32,3,15,0,5,0,0,13,7,3,1,7,85,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090588364121095,0.0,0.0,0.1003247968395928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229528453590845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30709271587130466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391675441764975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713678968141774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052301717201679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30821679258506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941904188525612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975057264927774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977967158253667,0.0,0.12036479017865635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305114098133517,0.0,0.0,0.12724649429403306,0.0,0.0,0.13487972763709682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245986831693501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962078418210702,0.0,0.09402755749374922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944979066013404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537101896653686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645056265891184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34996556895037884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695086991351108,0.12205713655016145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502858447577161,0.0,0.0,0.12200199933424555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472128314753614,0.101925524936196,0.0,0.12745093563667914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811753939585239,0.23955968267798905,0.0,0.0,0.28024431293994345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28763203626390194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LeviathanThanos,2019/10/19,"I’m actually improving! Ever since August 24th I’ve been working on myself and interpersonal relationships. It’s been a lot easier talking to people lately without over-analyzing everything I say and they say. IPR has actually helped me a lot. I actually met a pretty cool person there and my brain was like hey, make them your new favorite person! I actually fought against that thought and it worked! I’m really glad that I was able to do that. My therapist is a life saver. She’s the best one I’ve had. Anyway yay for progress.",2.9802160216021605,5.718766247524759,5.048334833483351,75.22238523852387,79.59405940594058,8.425202520252027,26.013501350135016,9.095868883498916,2.6816851485148514,425,17,76,12,11,146,72,101,0.021,0.691,0.287,0.9815,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,4,3,6,1,0,5,2,8,2,1,1,1,10,14,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,3,12,5,6,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,2,5,47,17,2,0.1535483387867914,0.0,0.5993641161670071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113950837705146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141072757058498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889326324094978,0.0,0.0,0.13799934604752795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292021482871676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732092142463759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084557326489712,0.07501596230504977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108261339194583,0.0,0.0,0.1024947084625744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829794242054414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404832822417176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645108457587883,0.26814497358620754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621386217040625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836699765674227,0.0,0.0,0.16485345199537849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24421560396460584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270167725691851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341633840912447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828145606864287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190022948083284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801511920521934,0.0,0.2235700387773457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,omgbackatitagain,2019/10/19,"I know the red flags. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩No diagnosis needed. I mean, would a narcissist ever seek help anyways? And if they saw a therapist wouldn’t they lie to the therapist and try to be all charming? Blaming others? I just don’t see how you are suppose to convince a narcissist to seek help. I don’t think they understand how they hurt others. I don’t want to throw shade or judgement on another mental illness when I have one of my own but I truly believe that a narcissist just blames anything but themselves. Like they’re suffering is so deep they’ve become cynical and play the victim. They’re never the bad guy. Which means it’s almost impossible for them to get better, in my opinion. That makes me sad. It’s hard to have hope for someone who’s doesn’t acknowledge their own suffering nor the suffering they inflict on others. No remorse. Just manipulation.",1.265271203155816,3.9343603076923084,3.145599112426037,85.05220537475348,90.89349112426036,6.3669625246548325,24.201429980276128,7.645422480735847,1.7687571992110454,688,29,128,15,24,229,104,169,0.22699999999999998,0.611,0.162,-0.9234,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,7,1,9,14,2,0,9,0,11,1,0,4,3,30,23,12,0,6,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,8,8,0,1,1,4,18,6,13,19,3,8,0,5,3,0,12,4,0,5,4,83,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853869537670974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695995555439698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672324307622936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887055155255385,0.0,0.19691503373776015,0.0,0.20087966822131487,0.0,0.15768921160952482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127984855447094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931528260801573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765420665854484,0.0,0.0,0.15971909521654498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239017447980518,0.0,0.0,0.17708915607743264,0.0,0.0,0.19087063128453488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979873709787248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087106910424719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901463521525947,0.0,0.0,0.3884354156107176,0.0,0.0,0.17968144495393185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220496987974892,0.1375136417776921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081866482774672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207962864928642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107047358703773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140331296693734,0.0,0.11424552137015916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105196254896355,0.0,0.0,0.185613469997622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051641929580373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266570766320601,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dontbeadebbie,2019/10/19,I may not be disordered after all “You’re not disordered” those were the most comforting words I’ve ever heard a human being utter. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was a teenager then rediagnosed with CPTSD a few years ago. Then today after a pretty rough month I had meeting with a case manager and a psychiatrist. After several hours and lots of tears they said I need DBT and EMDR and to learn how to set boundaries and learn how/who to trust but that I am not disordered! They said they believe in me and it felt genuine. I finally feel like I might have a shot at a decent future. Now I just gotta keep going back every week.,5.098095238095237,5.606715119047622,6.192182539682541,78.72017857142858,68.44444444444444,9.474603174603176,27.654761904761905,9.516144504307137,2.3207809523809524,499,15,97,10,8,167,88,126,0.013000000000000001,0.899,0.08800000000000001,0.8094,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,9,0,10,1,0,1,2,28,19,11,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,3,1,3,0,1,3,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,6,13,3,12,6,4,21,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,4,18,69,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503858626584159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304515697871755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113920090978187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136701879672885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219275185209634,0.0,0.0,0.5833061217794393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345953947708302,0.14293874766983505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857809210087856,0.12119910103439475,0.16289209266902324,0.185844980241238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641688534045537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670726027945768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507940924294478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288317777365828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442316807946838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997348446524547,0.0,0.0,0.1354142484346813,0.0,0.0,0.12579447448746678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725966169217289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322754947239182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916579618158544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080983232134352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360842399801199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925003578995657
bpd,PulsonicElectric,2019/10/19,"Shits weak I do and say the complete opposite of how I truly feel on the inside. I hate this. I’m not sure if being diagnosed was a good or bad thing still, but everything I read about it is like I’m reading something someone wrote about me. I hope I can get control of this before I do something stupid one day.",2.8230769230769246,4.085766692307693,4.184615384615388,88.21538461538464,74.38461538461539,7.046153846153848,26.84615384615385,7.554174236665415,1.371523076923077,245,9,52,3,5,81,50,65,0.20800000000000002,0.637,0.156,-0.3981,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,3,0,3,0,6,3,1,2,1,11,13,5,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,2,8,4,5,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,3,34,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836613009604586,0.0,0.0,0.18717372224545287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230628758232611,0.0,0.2467090671966233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185900677105606,0.0,0.0,0.22325949699433695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769005062651654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112207399564784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492245476087602,0.0,0.0,0.1844959184357967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716955971310248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847453678365206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746362073900426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490537445529395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400483658277897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492472426253608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22579055979650395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637534036349165,0.3386790794634422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756640595025912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731408638106472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613474432108026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,limmerent,2019/10/19,"Do you think BPD has made you more complicated and nuanced or more stereotyped? My friends were all going around the room sharing our first impressions of each other. When it got to me I was struck by something a lot of them seemed to say about me. Apparently, I have a very ""complicated"" personality and ""chaotic"" energy about me, that is noticeable right away, and that intensifies as they got to know me. My friend said that when she first met me she felt like she had been ""confronted by 1000 different puzzle pieces and was trying to fit them all together""; when she said that, the others all enthusiastically agreed in unison. I am amazed that I had this impression on her, and that the other's agreed, because that is exactly how I feel about myself all the time. 1000 different puzzle pieces.  My other friend said her first impression of me was that I was ""too much""; she said she had couldn't follow my train of thought or predict what I was about to say. That same girl said that she was struck by my intensity and vulnerability though it made her uncomfortable. My best friend said I was the most chaotic, complicated, psychologically interesting person she knew. In the same vein, I once overheard a professor say to another professor that there was something ""un-tranquil"" about me. And an ex-boyfriend remarked to me on our first date that one of the reasons he was attracted to me was that I was one of the only people he could not fit into a box/type. It's funny because I'm not mysterious at all, either. I am talkative to a fault and wear my heart on sleeve.

Though what they are saying resonates with me deeply, and was oddly flattering, I was a bit surprised. I thought for sure my most distinctive feature at least at first was my timidity, self-effacement and validation-seeking, probably because I am constantly reminded by others to stop apologizing and to believe in myself. 

I was wondering if anyone could relate and if you think it's related to your BPD or something else.",9.15341463414634,8.139661048780491,8.84185636856369,68.18359756097564,60.463414634146346,12.427642276422766,37.57317073170732,11.538034831475384,4.277640650406504,1593,63,286,39,18,514,178,369,0.063,0.779,0.158,0.9881,3,0,3,0,0,0,48.0,2,4,4,6,14,19,1,1,15,0,32,3,3,4,8,57,56,24,0,5,8,0,2,1,4,0,0,10,1,3,25,16,0,1,11,0,0,2,3,3,0,7,35,12,57,16,42,18,20,30,0,0,0,0,44,16,0,12,13,224,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948155621639142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966846167601232,0.0,0.0,0.07596655467644965,0.0,0.0,0.08017537148172547,0.0,0.0,0.1560589140370292,0.0,0.0,0.09614371843090064,0.08955418626843145,0.0,0.0931641018032896,0.0,0.21495377495797915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221719866382064,0.0,0.1362666681992446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831455851471198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128673590012655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043148117586327854,0.0,0.08193531948259426,0.0,0.0,0.3629310305106778,0.0,0.0,0.26371952248735336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849804661751503,0.0,0.13650095170884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112280199693653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046898077284673136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169054212113259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725490639342207,0.0,0.1614927451779551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627313019131052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715486289325276,0.0,0.09087936393960093,0.11565088488296993,0.06490137991450337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059160787770793886,0.14902307418794836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200594169064144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773895357396592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287592362522284,0.4870407633051278,0.2714483854068711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768609872337216,0.0890233822072328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708596729040206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134417463288391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042755856482026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935889466426883,0.16768309848465884,0.1354934735378122,0.049759729509442414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579371018772947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070410601747005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254254816940856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pansexual-bean,2019/10/19,"DAE get super angry and emotional when people cancel on your plans? I’ve had a really insane day, I’m exhausted but I made plans to get some stuff done tonight with friends. They all are now bailing on my plans and my FP cancelled on our plans for tomorrow and I feel like I’m hitting my limit. I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m so frustrated. I’m trying to respect that they have the choice to go or not to go but they all cancelled last minute and I feel like a complete mess right now.",0.4524917491749143,2.7478709405940585,2.2964603960396026,93.58911303630363,87.11881188118812,5.346864686468646,20.297854785478552,6.816661863887847,0.3763260726072608,379,12,82,5,12,125,62,101,0.24,0.606,0.154,-0.8568,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,3,6,4,8,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,16,18,9,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,2,11,5,9,14,3,13,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,9,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535499661460011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595776797284364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24747196412636585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720217076312503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24454898917901555,0.3455210937211901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683417220352366,0.0,0.25268821405738506,0.0,0.2748705839540065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712047081170764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362879426582148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288216137934554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765170368598215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491993162242246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651808763590734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276832920272737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779434196212613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641839840603331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,applesNoranges98487,2019/10/19,"Have you cheated? Hi all, i put a google docs form together with a few questions. my curiosity is about cheating when in a monogamous relationship. This is 100% personal curiosity. i will not use this information for anything other than possibly posting the link to the results here.

My questions stems from the need of validation. outside sources of validation when conflicts arise in a relationship.

i'm not interested in any real details or personal informal information.

​

If 51% of the people that do this little survey are choose ""Yes"" to sharing this information, i will post the results link here in r/bpd

​

[https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeYu1u7V8I6bZlLgZKZcgCjrYTDeiio\_mflrdM9nkZN7Gnckg/viewform?usp=sf\_link](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeYu1u7V8I6bZlLgZKZcgCjrYTDeiio_mflrdM9nkZN7Gnckg/viewform?usp=sf_link)",16.558491335372068,21.620520486238537,11.650764525993884,33.10369011213049,45.97247706422018,11.082976554536188,41.468909276248716,10.980518767755715,5.785574108053009,739,32,73,17,9,208,74,109,0.11199999999999999,0.863,0.025,-0.8590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,0,9,1,7,0,0,3,1,21,10,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,9,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,14,8,3,10,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,4,2,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346120673444622,0.3752565239685558,0.1050058919579795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270684479953369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447731780025815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547620334753804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449501788317255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705028396792272,0.2696543269741286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740770535307581,0.29576925590078723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522735480430952,0.34595499726200346,0.0,0.0,0.17575539243284422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315627815255989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333629454217648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752565239685558,0.0
bpd,schlechter_papa,2019/10/19,Private daily therapy session youtube videos? I've been making these videos the past few days while I drive and they're like little therapy sessions with myself about what I'm going though and my thought processes and how I've handled certain situations. Would anyone be interested in having access to them? I feel like they'd be really helpful to other people because rewatching them helps me a lot. It's some good knowledge and i feel bad just leaving them in my phone gallery. I have some awesome advice but I'm awful at implementing it in my own life lol. Let me know and I'll put them up under a private place so you guys can view them! I'd just post them and make them public but they are kind of embarrassingly honest and I use some people's real names so I dont want that out there for the whole internet. But I feel like this group might benefit from it considering I have BPD too.  Let me know!,2.2569101123595523,4.889679578651683,3.5259438202247217,85.63520786516854,81.86516853932585,6.256629213483146,22.94494382022472,7.554174236665415,1.2040350561797752,727,25,138,12,20,236,118,178,0.065,0.764,0.171,0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,9,0,9,11,0,1,4,2,14,1,0,4,1,35,27,15,0,2,5,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,7,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,2,4,25,9,14,18,7,16,0,0,1,0,17,9,0,5,6,90,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192396723772918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155312435623813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126687266217127,0.08853515944014559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292098393351225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366588399475306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021674439483495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030865357855384,0.20751475930243207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254156418386631,0.12181794929385233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438075165629819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469867026091095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124204097339816,0.15963697205465371,0.0,0.0,0.15378506850502993,0.0,0.2970294535169921,0.10258522567247758,0.21286646360157893,0.14556568220435506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123475348696688,0.0,0.0,0.193893721264124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407356156472962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864520096121105,0.20137817093802304,0.0,0.15174180820763572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909694950189955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600335296357633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531156270088046,0.09304257513064433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325253271607004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33218245517880624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269466712008191,0.1153019969105032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254381820602635,0.0,0.0,0.08566457679550088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621519829107503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317223536503664,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dissident94,2019/10/19,"I really messed up... I do not know what is wrong with me. I have had a flare up of sorts... I have had severe mood regulation and issues with producing a rationalized thought but now a new wave of awful things I could do has begun.

I admit that I have had been purposefully acting like I missed scanning items at check out at the store. I have been on an unhealthy thieving binge. It has caught up with me. I received a citation in the mail with a court date.

I have never been in trouble. Not even a speeding ticket. I am scared amd man do I feel like a piece of trash. I had the money for some of these small things but not all. I still do not know why I did it. Nothing big but mostly food and drink items...

I am so afraid that I really am a bad person. I was concerned it was part of the impulse and self destructing behavior but I am afraid to let my wife know this disorder could cause this and I do not want to use this as a crutch. I am aware this is not me though. I have never done something like this let alone several times. I am afraid to let anyone know how I am such scum.

I will gather my thoughts and admit my wrongdoings when I can properly hold such a serious conversation. I do not wish to become a liar overall. But I guess I already am since I have not come forth with it yet.

I think I need help. I do not know how tp dodge these impulses. 

I needed to rant. This feels overwhelming. To some it is just a small misdemeanor but it really is showing my true character and not who I would like to view myself as. I need to change. I want to be a good person.",0.8390753724802806,3.0089615490797605,2.6296879929886074,92.79879141104296,83.81595092024541,6.1797020157756375,19.13023663453113,7.447530270364453,0.3941890622261175,1219,32,274,20,35,403,163,326,0.157,0.748,0.095,-0.9624,0,1,2,1,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,1,12,20,2,5,18,1,48,2,0,5,4,66,71,19,0,9,17,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,4,20,13,2,1,12,3,3,4,12,13,0,0,14,4,46,6,31,49,8,27,0,2,2,0,13,12,0,5,15,207,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627922400392728,0.12389418888686285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850271450784936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937418591914881,0.0,0.12399484769031598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153335679755108,0.1187681655655462,0.09671179745685328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927902027482004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867265473968206,0.0,0.0,0.11489253592295848,0.0,0.1099831474350594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415414528882132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353550137835502,0.08020665050411728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575892082173796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416785309136114,0.0,0.0,0.1236795120320322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525309646276443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718208478472203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085068953207004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444150813332599,0.0,0.21940037560099973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24974327444150085,0.17318112024166826,0.10843233649264464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772735556982573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215788943481438,0.0,0.0,0.19606196505584852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157716394899108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124031730945071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712346793661473,0.25366926039052456,0.0,0.092871992683316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643194405173055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966001789588962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917614710874924,0.07193892590475785,0.1103059978285374,0.1782617679766965,0.065466307157001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696636964233006,0.0,0.0,0.13244106192188956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130739990391033,0.0,0.12910647251419147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975432158627224,0.12275105927840962,0.0,0.0
bpd,canterdina,2019/10/19,"I am a horrible person. I can’t control it. Words just pour out of me, like vomit. 
I’ve just caused my mum to have some sort of mental breakdown. She’s completely void of emotion and ambition. Saying, “I don’t have anyone that I want to be with, or anywhere that I want to be.” She’s usually a very strong, determined, and logical woman.
I feel like I’m making her suicidal, I’m really freaking out. I said all of this stuff... really mean stuff. I don’t know why I did it! Attention, I guess. 
Why am I like this? I just bring pain and suffering everywhere I tread. 
I’ve apologised profusely, I’ve tried to take back everything I said. Nothings working, she’s not reacting to anything. She feels completely and utter less hopeless. She’s keeps mumbling about how there’s no point, it’s all for nothing etc.

I’ve broken her.",1.0308910312591308,3.5820874907975484,3.146345311130588,86.32967280163601,88.20245398773004,7.2765410458662,23.712825007303532,8.269060116576782,1.9819929301782064,643,26,126,17,21,217,97,163,0.14300000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.128,-0.7481,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,5,2,32,25,6,1,2,5,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,0,2,9,7,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,5,23,4,14,20,5,6,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,4,5,76,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016461468353346,0.0,0.11962719759953093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117806259227163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933512629438606,0.0,0.0,0.304835546819872,0.0,0.16304491681920066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352178478481594,0.0,0.0,0.16212607701345752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064926322588408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700697060575785,0.10385242122419468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601415431217155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921161519720314,0.0,0.0,0.07989159961684032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130614488990402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703566378187926,0.0,0.0,0.15835064453209124,0.0,0.0,0.14649885914330374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27897304369871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468402493748035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269315552578654,0.0,0.0,0.13742172265925134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625560392394136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765604896967349,0.11560413016468643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328279467428071,0.15901128375878038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093002160247594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986967486544193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010461622127573,0.1199455485010024,0.17148609078726793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623477904094437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058311567490424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,djidga,2019/10/19,"Does anybody else hate themselves for being a virgin? TW: Suicide Posting on one of my alts because my little brother knows my main.

I'm not sure if this is BPD, but I'm pretty sure I have it and I am getting help soon (told my mom I want to see a therapist for 'anxiety'). Anyway it seems pretty much weekly atleast I have a panic attack when I see somebody have sex at 15, 16, whatever and I'm almost 19.

 I'm not like the incels where I hate women, I don't blame them for not coming up to me and asking my awkward ass out. I just feel like I'm a loser and have panic attacks about how most people my age aren't virgins and if I do have sex then they'll conpare me to whomever they've been with before, I think about killing myself, but the only way I would is with a gun, and thank god there isn't one in my house.

I just feel like a loser, like I'm missing out, nobody cares about me, nobody likes me. My freinds don't even reply to my texts half the time, and due to my state changing the smoking age to 21 I am running out of coils for my vape and don't know how to function at all without it. 

I was planning on going to community college but I couldn't get my license on time (still don't have one) and didn't have a car, so I'm just working now.  Even though I've talked with many girls on Reddit it just emphasizes how alone I am in real life. I'm thinking about starting drinking again after being sober (from alcohol) for over a year. 

How the fuck do I manage this?",2.3658493077742264,3.496238261980828,3.897527955271567,90.34786807774229,75.3258785942492,5.983439829605963,24.22377529286475,5.985473137389443,0.5045443024494141,1148,35,251,6,24,382,167,313,0.22399999999999998,0.69,0.086,-0.9937,0,1,2,1,0,2,31.0,0,0,2,4,24,21,6,3,13,0,28,9,1,4,3,49,59,22,2,5,13,2,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,16,2,0,7,1,0,4,12,12,0,4,4,4,36,9,38,50,4,37,0,3,2,6,10,15,2,5,20,166,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183859009648557,0.11092620563294983,0.11473057238074848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474336979054872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035606466641628,0.2520474824286991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752804770874782,0.0,0.09426225366637916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951854842870767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294355881190984,0.0,0.1171863652571881,0.09542375237919573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694086185360493,0.0,0.0,0.10851834939175747,0.0,0.0,0.092539169567509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463330634732187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202339171298548,0.15827685469881062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241066685649118,0.11575182085043825,0.0,0.06295657814826687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218736817120595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742508466543003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278206807009911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255727889210807,0.0,0.12175923252585913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824439530271586,0.2705978958072911,0.11102669713152263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230952075092393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297395628754726,0.0,0.0,0.08143313775876136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251941412034539,0.08425017256348932,0.0,0.25994363717303626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679816030487081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609282799626836,0.2253981211483924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608738904931435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654832831112774,0.10084634921245733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840785349178238,0.0,0.0884658911424808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117101150982333,0.0,0.20881021934734004,0.0,0.0,0.08903758734959677,0.0,0.1019876972875007,0.0,0.12861952414196326,0.0,0.14196163100005485,0.10883689993898016,0.0,0.12918880317816595,0.0,0.0,0.1058512564180764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533858034905418,0.08792886683980312,0.0888578598946003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678415252936517,0.0,0.08064627873824097,0.0,0.0,0.0786921227228198,0.0,0.0,0.07133613984339553
bpd,ukhelen,2019/10/19,"Death Just want to say good night, goodbye",2.5874999999999986,5.490152750000004,0.8049999999999997,103.54,84.0,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.7774000000000001,34,1,7,0,1,9,8,8,0.298,0.382,0.321,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237640495786191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5860096361690961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965924597570546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683203165702483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rem1234_,2019/10/19,I’m feeling really bad right now tw suicidal thoughts I just need to vent I’m feeling really really bad right now. I’m hating myself so much and I feel like a failure and like I can’t do anything right and like everyone hates me. I can’t stop thinking these thoughts even though I’m trying to use mindfulness and it’s making me feel suicidal and I feel so alone.,0.3166909090909087,2.7519481600000013,2.4877575757575765,89.37054545454548,94.06666666666666,6.460606060606061,21.484848484848484,7.686295010490155,1.4008666666666674,292,11,59,7,11,98,42,75,0.34600000000000003,0.537,0.11699999999999999,-0.9732,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,19,20,8,2,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,8,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,5,8,3,2,18,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936053459057636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662000788309333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25694620723931777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162816562083964,0.0,0.0,0.14702718255329936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890006652016504,0.10992311663194408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30382499962868004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22551596025422185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270788549384964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553625156735993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131104647814152,0.11409095094538528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29571476859388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39420652885741336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864028811884254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33661258320936394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859221015842756,0.1511742354069113,0.24430753546195125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044660691166041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328922912573552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,salvete_pueri,2019/10/19,"DAE really relate to the symptoms of Aspergers or ASD? Before I was diagnosed with BPD, I would fixate on different conditions that could explain why I felt the way I did and how different my experience was from what it seemed like 'normal' peoples' experiences. For a while, one of my fixations was on the adult female presentation of ASD and how different it can be to the stereotypical symptoms.

Here is a list of symptoms: 

https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/

There seems to be some overlap between adult women with BPD and with Aspergers. Intense emotions, anxiety, history of mental health treatment, etc. And though I think BPD is such a revolutionary diagnosis for me, it makes so many things make sense, I don't know if it checks every box for me.

For instance, I relate a lot to the special interests of a person with Aspergers, but I'm not sure if it's because it gave me comfort as a highly anxious child with an unpredictable home life, or if it is unusual to be intensely interested in certain subjects for long periods.

I also used to really struggle with social anxiety. I always had a group of friends and was good at getting people to like me, but I find now I'm less anxious and better in unfamiliar social situations because I have like a checklist of rules I've memorized. I've observed people who are good socially over my lifetime and integrated habits of theirs into my habits. Now when others go against all these social rules I've accumulated, I get really uncomfortable.

When I went through the intensive testing that lead to my BPD diagnosis, I requested I also be tested for Aspergers (especially because my twin brother was diagnosed with it at 18), but my parents and psychologists didn't seem to take it seriously or consider it a possibility because of how unlike the classic presentation I am.

So like am I weird lol? Do y'all also relate to these symptoms?",11.665980679661892,11.519921542521992,11.09217871312748,51.26415042263241,54.9824046920821,13.419423839917199,42.639468690702095,12.526319926815653,5.7355215111264455,1670,77,238,46,17,545,183,341,0.067,0.8029999999999999,0.13,0.9732,4,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,1,1,2,16,17,0,1,17,1,24,8,0,7,3,50,42,30,0,6,10,2,1,4,1,1,8,0,1,5,18,16,0,0,9,0,1,3,3,3,0,1,11,1,30,14,46,25,5,23,0,0,0,0,19,10,0,11,13,176,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497935941777514,0.06762474252963639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434558264337048,0.1836282580872192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817041634919855,0.0,0.06915641236826492,0.0,0.0,0.07187840293539273,0.0,0.0,0.4094365196192566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488900971676062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497856273889275,0.0,0.2547355550628741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141996370641416,0.0,0.0,0.09063966673270968,0.0,0.0,0.06847509229227625,0.0,0.0,0.15899905238087986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803378202919059,0.0,0.07428105650866558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279047871105213,0.0,0.08492244078358586,0.0,0.046188701313316295,0.13633405012778374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638824352833878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586823867474061,0.0815223556754245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466491817607112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057404755950473785,0.1588214067927251,0.0,0.0,0.07192308590612928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909447448566343,0.0,0.0,0.10849926660035993,0.08239696408514108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190297337774367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962921949869674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550719518727075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024284197968226,0.0,0.0,0.16903113504898354,0.07096350000180694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162187106109143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619460648546032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196069287673675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135303585316376,0.0,0.33138592370726805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496304993956369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659781659264032,0.337890546047732,0.0611063644837038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399344800306282,0.05207576050885847,0.07984924230331975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019283898668073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450986198324428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533987797654715,0.07333526083160864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773323549439467,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SlothOnWheels,2019/10/19,"My friend became my new FP, then suddenly wouldn't talk to me. So recently I was celebrating because I realised my husband was no longer my favourite person and I was without a FP for the first time in a while.

2 days ago I got in contact with an old friend I talk to sporadically and he quickly became my FP. I noticed it right away  at least and was able to try to keep my distance at least a little. That night we talked all night while he was at work since he wasn't busy. Then yesterday he messaged me a couple times but that was it. I kept reminding myself he's a busy guy and probably just didnt feel like talking to me. Which is fine. But today he won't even respond to me at all and its killing me. He was always someone I could go to when Ive got issues and he's great at giving me perspective on things but when I tried talking to him about a problem I was having I got nothing back. It also was something I couldn't easily talk to my husband about although he was aware of the problem I was having.

The way im feeling isn't healthy although I've made myself not act on any of it. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up switching on him because of this although I'm trying my best not to.

(for context I have no romantic feelings towards this dude, he's a strictly platonic FP)",3.3858618665623155,4.25172664312268,4.758344746624927,86.16436509489338,72.53159851301116,7.298845627078849,29.771277636470362,7.475848149327749,1.707107063197026,1013,42,214,11,19,338,141,269,0.10300000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.107,0.2563,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,10,10,1,0,11,0,25,0,0,1,2,30,37,21,1,7,8,2,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,11,8,0,2,3,0,0,2,12,3,0,1,18,3,36,7,32,13,5,40,0,0,0,0,29,15,0,1,23,149,47,1,0.11048390503570793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793731559678373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835393894032018,0.09193145967080762,0.0,0.0,0.07513284407881965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038032656888018,0.08495530320800064,0.0,0.1346999260704724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594604201971542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821240801383792,0.12224833948455173,0.0,0.0712529786426165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785594650124232,0.0,0.0,0.07297357727756011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759194616788795,0.0789297238332378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397755318264413,0.0,0.0,0.17071918192682342,0.0,0.0,0.10598622911276136,0.06279054933438351,0.0,0.2650922152615778,0.12180889534431652,0.0,0.10939643624015616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934157657185665,0.1153164922375904,0.0,0.09820317122453223,0.12223407136962633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053976855242841126,0.11073389800907474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045425423338523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067060439522757,0.0,0.2073633209820553,0.0,0.10601228664915853,0.12578665816554552,0.11593427294170222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964702843143017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912033625486758,0.2114363518837507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908952734514396,0.0,0.0,0.09435265122669352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139342795470956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361265420293197,0.08505590785171555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5328166668705685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340059720606093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884810702869973,0.0,0.10472582342991887,0.0,0.0,0.2250339574957428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769698121487064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650254182707704,0.0,0.08043359872295354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,canthaveanythingggg,2019/10/19,"codependant I didn't realise (or just didn't care) how codependant I am on my gf who isnt actually my gf, lets just say its complicated, until she didnt call me in the last 2 days. im a complete alcoholic ill just get that out there, and i drink daily. i promised i wouldnt go over my limit anymore but this just sent me sprawling over it the past couple days like no ones business. i just completely lose control of myself and feel like a psycho and subhuman for being so beyond dependant on one person and unable to breathe without them. i know its beyond unhealthy and unfair to place all this towards one person but it feels like theres nothing i can do to stop it, the most i can do is keep it under wraps from her and others to the best of my ability in this state. i should be able to function without her, but i really dont have anyone else and i dont know what to do",2.95247252747253,4.247301060439561,4.521758241758246,85.7982417582418,74.10989010989013,7.397802197802199,25.637362637362642,7.957251820313856,1.4136000000000002,691,23,144,10,14,232,110,182,0.109,0.7829999999999999,0.109,0.0027,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,4,11,7,0,0,6,0,19,4,1,3,1,33,28,14,0,2,11,0,2,3,2,2,2,1,0,2,13,8,2,4,4,1,0,2,10,1,0,3,4,3,23,6,24,19,3,21,0,1,0,0,12,12,0,3,9,112,36,0,0.13868246661999392,0.0,0.1353340822347982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482093807855053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753574179660838,0.09697000518865903,0.14209657578786508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455386926894258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161030404832695,0.0,0.14139601742097418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908118554134408,0.0,0.1555441787238144,0.0,0.15344951153235092,0.0,0.17887743611137086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32506963605103273,0.13585602032113653,0.0,0.0,0.11585140551556812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024404412990416,0.1981495637267815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245586490122255,0.0,0.07881644171883996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980086198034798,0.0,0.0,0.12326734840628704,0.0,0.0,0.15243251358903856,0.11304471999754555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181221814352776,0.0,0.2032597442056804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515020654665038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330695670086925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819244855364625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323881066369718,0.0,0.2421843612409521,0.14489366055951458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884353928427965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028586376284698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594475188410287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267369897852624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweatycat,2019/10/19,"I’m actually a terrible person Not getting into details since I know at least one of the people involved in the incident used Reddit though I doubt this sub just in case... due to me being really jealous over something I had a meltdown in public and did something extremely selfish and ruined multiple peoples’ nights. I burned my bridges with two, possibly all four but two for sure.


Why do I always do stuff like this?! 😭 I feel like I actually lose control of myself. Like something has taken control of my body and I’m just a witness to the disaster. This is why I can never maintain any friendships or relationships. Everything seems ok until one day one of my triggers sets me off and ruins everything. Sometimes I am forgiven after this but I do it again... and again and again and even the nicest and most patient people who I don’t deserve understandably can’t take it anymore.


:(",5.575100401606426,7.13827520481928,6.36765060240964,74.04838353413656,68.03614457831326,8.90682730923695,34.315261044176715,9.2995712137729,3.4216080321285136,708,34,117,14,12,233,108,166,0.16399999999999998,0.71,0.126,-0.7263,0,0,3,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,7,12,1,1,7,1,12,1,1,4,3,29,22,13,0,0,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,7,0,6,3,1,17,5,17,18,3,17,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,4,12,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.26310828704408673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217189240067747,0.0,0.0,0.09167474694674556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369430979204874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974241526366772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023995267703461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694065646458296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904007711595475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242315284298082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816348404228237,0.09630758089494999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043214165144207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740875041932415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975826127456634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081679501916748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397301621700533,0.0,0.0,0.12650912001363804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27405021425641723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803787723815666,0.11771002430197294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519768989539509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636210129044032,0.0,0.0,0.14473442169074666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272505608253152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151540292490483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31134767720698664,0.13332955409164052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543240592139674,0.0,0.0,0.1270558928515107,0.0,0.10135959540043604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244916403191173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633776208926916,0.1403409296465021,0.0,0.11643169774230808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432883196138966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jebnumbtoit,2019/10/19,"So sad, so depressed, so alone I turned 30 not too long ago.

Thought I'd have my life together by now. I don't. I rent an apartment I can barely afford and work at a job I can't stand because I'm too depressed to seek out something else and lack a degree, so I'd just be stuck in another similar job position. 

My parents divorced when I was 3, and my mom remarried and basically abandoned me and my brother in our adolescence. Started a new family, see her once a year if that and it never feels okay. I always feel sadness, a lack of connection. Pain.

Dad is all about work and me going back to school to get a degree. He doesn't seem to care about the issues I face mentally and emotionally. Ive never been good enough to him, he doesn't think I'll amount to anything.

I'm dating a schizophrenic who was once married and has a kid he can't see. I feel like I'm so numb to his abuse at this point and at the same time there's a trauma bond I, but of course it's leading nowhere and he's so intensely religious (delusions) that I can't even relate.

I have like no friends anymore, they're all married with kids and we don't live close.

I don't even know what I'm getting at here, I'm laying in bed crying and just don't even know what to do anymore because I feel like the worlds against me  and am constantly getting hurt.

Sending whatever love out to whoever is reading this, if I can make one person feel less alone than I'll feel better. ❤️",2.5411138613861404,3.900238957095709,4.054542079207923,88.48003094059406,75.27062706270627,7.2942244224422454,26.816419141914192,7.937092434478242,1.4965270627062708,1136,43,247,17,24,378,170,303,0.182,0.772,0.046,-0.9824,5,2,1,0,2,0,29.0,2,0,0,4,20,18,0,0,13,1,23,6,1,2,4,46,51,24,0,4,6,4,6,3,1,0,4,0,2,3,9,19,0,1,11,1,1,3,13,9,0,1,5,8,28,9,26,45,8,30,0,6,2,1,21,13,0,3,16,145,37,7,0.0,0.12893085261733436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964600800605795,0.0,0.0,0.22540406577834696,0.0,0.0,0.09054481334204813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410455626373335,0.0,0.0,0.21583528753842973,0.0,0.0,0.08954746750524298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367388159537903,0.0,0.13266818243626238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624016792755176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109466153240952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759297645621727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953082978872813,0.0,0.0,0.18744857442015453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090299399468717,0.12240495475315775,0.0,0.11243748696793254,0.0,0.215618645363346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258338215559104,0.0,0.33012815281601804,0.15547837785261046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407207128453714,0.0,0.17055783715400696,0.0,0.06184344934242107,0.0912708918305732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164913022252176,0.0,0.0,0.11357711823896938,0.21596900358174997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960642001462288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686096416860431,0.1594880892869934,0.0,0.09608777837436501,0.09629999530867836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821197301636037,0.0,0.0726364750133676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966236852430958,0.0,0.0,0.12744565096122562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785341041320667,0.10509654547773056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231774008730504,0.07373750222429673,0.0,0.11578941055728227,0.0,0.12082887086668526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501517671503346,0.0,0.0,0.1028676378889952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088468708094086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012904183345007,0.173426795412624,0.09906329524773257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377296877096753,0.0,0.0,0.07702153227018271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972581097596592,0.0,0.08638887905165805,0.06345231459483995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836210880724615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584407602985479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007485286603597
bpd,direchatles,2019/10/19,I can clear bank debts Feel free to send a dm... I can help clear any bank or credit card debts if there is anyone in that situation,2.727857142857143,3.505276071428576,3.7771428571428594,92.91785714285713,74.0,7.028571428571429,17.571428571428573,7.1686216300943375,-0.2995571428571431,102,1,25,1,2,33,23,28,0.0,0.5920000000000001,0.408,0.9153,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979759447877519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092058848963333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959094828754822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922668167882984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6578221747004622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ginsei679,2019/10/19,"DAE Disagree With Someone Just To Get Their Attention? Even if you agree with them,you just act contrarian.",4.886842105263156,8.00827373684211,4.262368421052631,81.4240789473684,74.78947368421052,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,2.899189473684211,87,4,15,2,2,26,16,19,0.12300000000000001,0.758,0.11800000000000001,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528864711408477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373421442778651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7092590491970192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ole_worm,2019/10/19,"Anyone else feel like their BPD makes their experience as a person going through life less “authentic”? I feel like I’ve been cheated out of experiencing and processing emotions, relationships, and big life events the way others are able to. I know there’s some silver lining—years of struggling have made me deeply appreciate my successes and high points, as well as the fact that I’m even still alive—but I can’t help but occasionally feel like I’m missing out, or like I’ll never get to experience pure happiness and relaxation the way some people seem to. 

When something really good happens, or when I’m in a relationship, I’m always either left feeling empty in the end or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or dropping it myself in a fiery blaze of self destruction. I just want to feel like a human being on planet earth.",9.881318681318682,8.04938515384616,9.591172161172164,65.9919230769231,59.641025641025635,12.504029304029306,37.02930402930403,11.20814326018867,4.0474534798534805,668,23,117,14,7,218,106,156,0.113,0.669,0.218,0.9452,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,7,14,2,1,9,0,5,3,1,2,3,29,24,14,0,1,7,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,6,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,6,9,10,19,21,4,21,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,7,11,67,13,1,0.13126505601980695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109223042032874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178357923362164,0.13449656207894228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653237429058207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965511074045163,0.14765552022876116,0.11626187810075445,0.0,0.0,0.08669933151085478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25680482515365155,0.0,0.0,0.3318577819862285,0.3751031289941938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858057400495751,0.0,0.07460095634045934,0.11009890116101374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607725552881053,0.13973409299688305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798420010144857,0.1386887386365991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213984191070197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426198674418906,0.0,0.18543278207137556,0.3206473795859505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420616986221672,0.08762044418308584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123970343649186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100266203221186,0.11461558378725688,0.0,0.0,0.12408790655438375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409175612014651,0.0,0.0,0.2818590911788282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194987770297098,0.13693808127363474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105425315445304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482844329940316,0.0,0.0,0.13722673725113604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742353100081201,0.20838418316618096,0.0,0.0,0.11802304966129218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453039238284192
bpd,hamstergirl76,2019/10/19,"Decided romantic relationships are not safe for me but that’s fine! I’ve decided that based on my past experience in romantic relationships, more specifically the aftermath when they end, it’s just not in my best interest to get into one again. I’m not sad about it really. I think I’m making a very smart decision. The hard part is readjusting my expectations for life. For most, including me, I expected to grow up, get married and have kids at some point. Or at least, that would be an option. Since I’ve determined it’s not, I’m having trouble thinking of things to look forward to to give my life meaning. I plan on buying a studio apartment for myself one day. Aside from that small personal success, what can I look forward to or aim to achieve? I’m a 22-year-old female.",4.256599999999999,6.096398726666667,5.569000000000003,77.39950000000003,71.73333333333333,9.8,30.5,10.125756701596842,3.3428000000000004,619,27,116,18,12,207,99,150,0.049,0.7609999999999999,0.19,0.9732,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,4,4,8,0,0,6,0,7,2,0,1,0,24,20,5,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,9,2,0,1,6,0,1,3,4,2,0,2,0,3,12,6,22,18,6,20,0,1,2,0,6,13,0,5,8,75,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962732119205516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061688983496988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565033692188152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294821357092464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542769093016266,0.17941326193585755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753938280286398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642052866191043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31411101457165064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484192013133236,0.0,0.0,0.20372714264991731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962532892504651,0.0,0.2534685600223706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025319266812626,0.17853835588016695,0.0,0.16330469093578184,0.0,0.0,0.17680089006347502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981423284408968,0.0,0.0,0.4015938343762678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471059934974055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425237394537846,0.2396785946276151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431679449043278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285855656633005,0.0,0.0,0.12043920334937158
bpd,clockwork-kit,2019/10/19,"HELP ASAP My coworker said something mean about my teeth. I know I don’t have good teeth. I can’t afford to go to a dentist. I am very self conscious about it. Anyway, it’s been 6 hours, I’m off work, but I haven’t been able to think about it and I want to drink and cut. I’m in a very bad place right now.",-1.7962539682539678,0.05061905714285864,0.5919047619047609,104.67198412698414,94.14285714285714,3.6825396825396814,13.492063492063492,5.033348758259628,-1.4999841269841272,234,4,63,1,9,78,46,70,0.124,0.7879999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.6397,1,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,0,7,4,2,0,0,8,15,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,1,8,1,9,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,34,11,1,0.25811842084718645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155180997937592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528577857211217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669464690879874,0.21649748506109026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301133659107226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25419465053805146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418551337177379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28116663031058964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696788120798987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043172106840653,0.24552972674929274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692738064794699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987121708932448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653918617138463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259494590935829,0.1522449322333529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791328455230694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blue-796,2019/10/19,"God I haven’t relapsed in 3 years but I want to do bad tonight I just want my boyfriend to realise that every time he manipulates me with his crying, it sends me into a world pool of depression because I’m trying so god damn hard every damn day to be a good mum, to build a career, to get over my friends dying, to live with the fact I’m going to be sick forever and that I’m just never going to be good enough, I’m trying my best but I needed one night where it was about me and that can never happen, I will do anything for people I care about and they will not do the same for me",6.027742782152232,3.866979661417325,6.880748031496066,83.43114829396328,67.34645669291339,9.411548556430443,29.04068241469816,7.1686216300943375,1.4388698162729656,455,10,105,3,6,153,77,127,0.184,0.622,0.19399999999999998,-0.08199999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,6,9,2,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,3,19,23,6,1,3,5,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,4,0,1,1,1,15,5,18,17,3,15,0,1,0,0,6,5,2,0,7,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745372077876432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975807080653331,0.1166370168554592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007959596102828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508041798687667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101742731798246,0.12339627961774112,0.0,0.16479793521464114,0.0,0.19857718506012326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770185769997636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322418679478367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478261843256799,0.0,0.09996547758801637,0.0,0.21748200091056952,0.32096812825395554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919832553756334,0.0,0.171400013344832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689537253024295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187366620703712,0.29514116648153066,0.0,0.0,0.17955643978552893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965463356591467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264870852748029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156991150416712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25980998662909005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257105708239561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321449868066685
bpd,cutefaceuvegotthere,2019/10/19,"Texting and hanging out I've already have gotten two massive spikes of anxiety by just texting my boyfriend.

This is all today:
I asked him if he wanted to hang out an hour either before or after work. I dont know why I got annoyed that he wanted to do before work because it would have been way less time than when I got off of work.

I then have been texting him and he just drops off the face of the earth. Like normal response times, and then suddenly he doesnt open my message or respond. It's been anxiety inducing to see that he doesnt want to open my messages.

I'm really stressed and I want to tell him to just tell me that hes going off his phone.

I'm so stressed because he already tried breaking up with me last week, so everything just feels like he just doesnt want me.
I'm dying",3.343,4.390827618181824,4.29007575757576,88.79511363636364,72.81818181818181,6.954545454545455,27.68939393939393,7.1686216300943375,1.299757575757576,627,23,133,6,12,203,91,165,0.095,0.8740000000000001,0.031,-0.7229,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,8,5,1,2,3,0,14,1,1,1,1,29,30,12,1,8,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,6,2,17,2,19,23,3,25,0,0,1,0,19,8,0,3,13,79,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051572854565265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154438399427056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292589217231125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856987502609289,0.0,0.23530631877220676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349703109305614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204531347449586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426348504683557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991083624431045,0.09877639929402716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857907099799813,0.0,0.22116597932728946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616297467459124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598671702565075,0.11270426429962273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509839252364372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354701456111152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857597004996583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017914277572513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31676371784574325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24169905538112035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612466311808747,0.0,0.1310588615939556,0.0,0.0,0.0938727218796892,0.0,0.13506461695255584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077608007907647,0.10974816092936934,0.11090768092484364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476247445135055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019752589366725,0.0,0.0,0.0982193454646941,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,begonefoulsoftdrink,2019/10/19,"Is either really selfish or too altruistic ? Especially with people you love / idolize. When I have a partner or even just a friend. I just spoil them, I pay for everything, I do little attentions for them ( without nothing in return of course !) but sometimes I switch and i can be really egotistic and my dad ( which i live with ) reminds me everyday that i am a selfish idiot and should be ashamed but I don't feel like i am ? it makes me feel like crap and i think of it almost every day now",2.1118750000000013,4.514094770833335,4.010250000000003,83.40975000000002,80.45833333333334,7.173333333333334,25.225,8.238735603445708,1.8826200000000008,382,15,73,8,10,129,65,96,0.28,0.675,0.045,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,0,6,9,2,1,3,0,10,2,1,1,0,21,15,9,0,1,8,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,17,4,8,12,1,7,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,3,7,57,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24731597128108496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928242619597782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312873732997146,0.0,0.20809229288479308,0.0,0.22197075543758815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976220695201384,0.3528868027874195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081704381712014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132505406213586,0.24754002250895504,0.218088903201832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22291015401538566,0.0,0.16486185273629814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369850993704558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712256495209797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31644493115894273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442706982319107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582555648374065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23808103999892655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,llese032,2019/10/19,"Can’t take this pain anymore. I can’t start my day until I hear from my FP. When I don’t hear from him for a while, I experience active emotional pain, pure grief. When I hear from him, the dread is lifted off my chest, but only for the moment he’s there. But we are getting further and further apart as time passes. All caused by my anxiety and coldness because every time he reaches out or shows genuine affection, I push him away, believing he actually doesn’t want me or will leave me. 

I do nothing the whole day, just waiting for him and wondering what he’s doing. Maybe if I had any self-esteem at all, I could use this time to focus on my health and work on skills that would build my confidence. But I can’t. He is my source of self-worth, or even source of simply being able to get up to eat something. 

Why do I have to be like this? Attaching to him like a lifeboat. And turning away attention from anyone else. I don’t feel simply empty anymore, but deeply distressed and I’m hurting the whole day, as my life and youth pass me by.",3.743506289308176,4.709900551886797,4.616339622641512,87.13872327044027,71.78301886792453,7.540125786163522,26.39748427672956,7.793537801064563,1.338470691823899,815,26,172,10,15,264,124,212,0.10400000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.1,0.0607,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,2,6,0,19,6,1,3,3,31,33,21,1,4,9,0,1,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,9,1,1,3,1,0,3,6,6,0,0,1,5,29,2,27,27,4,27,0,2,0,0,14,11,0,5,15,111,34,1,0.12107008511226533,0.0,0.11814693849983132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233180954646159,0.0,0.09261828372748744,0.0,0.2401379838580585,0.08465501853018796,0.12405060959824335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274986606929321,0.0,0.0,0.07380320015253453,0.0,0.0,0.1364045265574711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243723277001245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666461139965626,0.0,0.0,0.2342405670575073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388492224973065,0.1011385207372944,0.13618755016334633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996564937748413,0.0,0.10200676841703726,0.0,0.0,0.11842977476770948,0.0,0.0,0.06121667278179153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650824497534735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869183898192213,0.4093643550818719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296080301437397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819573899362588,0.0,0.0,0.08551538158258197,0.11829745619927393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163117342074226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617001194347085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207925535485728,0.2576542132702742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526050063530632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320566646861382,0.0,0.0,0.08569402938676964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102963664642384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179082074638664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168948645202164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456568120400132,0.0,0.0,0.07141027301695588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092469205667171,0.2703408527316881,0.0,0.0,0.13129534280019098,0.08814046389948353,0.0,0.0,0.08600471479331283,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joaquinrasta,2018/11/14,"Shout out to my fellow males with BPD. BPD is often associated with females, as they tend to be more commonly diagnosed. It’s important to remember that BPD affects you no matter your gender. 

Women with BPD also get told some terrible things, but to my fellow guys, if you’ve ever been told you’re weak, too sensitive, or not a man - they were wrong. Don’t let anyone try to tell you that mental illness should not be a problem for you just because you’re a guy and need to “get over it.” 

It’s not weak or unmasculine to seek help. Your feelings are valid. 

I wish everyone here the best. ",4.538189655172413,5.526032818965518,5.628793103448277,80.53301724137933,69.94827586206897,8.90344827586207,27.431034482758626,9.188382445141503,2.1625896551724137,461,15,91,9,8,153,82,116,0.145,0.716,0.139,-0.2054,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,5,2,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,9,4,0,1,1,24,17,7,0,5,8,0,1,0,2,1,4,1,0,5,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,2,10,1,14,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,18,2,0,5,2,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411772628903386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997796719269636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698904360588976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497556175332499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7189063214408953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483824228175315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908098465328874,0.0,0.1363566676768806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215377933499909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911048864982246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825923262183572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956492947233308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459211698923481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380877739196182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581078690914546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365453313186168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165211500255908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472673225151384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480402754958976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727133353537612,0.0,0.09688443199868124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409880284872824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602085227590834,0.0,0.0
bpd,xfxixyx,2018/11/14,"Feeling unstable after the honeymoon period in a relationship? I always end up feeling so hurt after the initial honeymoon period in a relationship. Even if I know that the person feels just as strongly it doesn't feel that way to me. I hate that the being all over each other and excitement wears off. I feel like they can't possibly like me as much as they used to because they aren't all over me or visibly excited. Then I go down this rabbit hole of convincing myself they don't like or love me and then I lash out and say things I regret. I just feel like I ruin my own relationships. It's so hard for me to be in them because I don't know how to react when that initial whirlwind romance part is over. I just feel unhinged and sad after because I know I'm just creating issues but have also somehow convinced myself they don't like me if they don't act exactly how they did at the start of our relationship. :(
Does anyone else feel this upset specifically about the beginning of relationships? How do you guys cope? ",5.4453960964408745,6.185283696517416,6.5842786069651735,75.39526980482205,67.75621890547264,9.96570991197857,30.386911595866817,10.035473477838034,3.0022587830080365,817,30,152,19,13,275,110,201,0.11900000000000001,0.747,0.135,-0.4099,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,8,1,14,18,1,1,8,0,13,2,1,5,3,36,31,21,0,3,9,0,9,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,10,6,0,0,11,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,1,10,31,12,26,28,6,25,0,4,0,1,19,11,0,5,16,118,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076187553231604,0.09443689551613484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793583123199735,0.11628899492201955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075564157781071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099320201069421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481047261702732,0.0,0.10052284417610308,0.0,0.0,0.07496234822634787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590916802953297,0.16216163888723278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450179914607454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123778503685579,0.0,0.0,0.1016691881453584,0.11205277239287707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149869805598867,0.0,0.0,0.11845924744069525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712157946546576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772395139330294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024336291814115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343185176265558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290397764821673,0.0,0.0,0.09909941811893667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794851027487664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6092555437138495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025574458764336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033231421013963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540100585797409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980232020618931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008701353949056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grootparker,2018/11/14,delete if not allowed (TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️) So does anyone else get instances of feeling completely on edge? Just little things keep stressing you out and you start to feel like you’re going to snap? Or that you want to rip your veins out of your arms and let yourself bleed? Does anyone ever fee psychotic? I’m exhausted lmao,3.564247311827959,6.088186822580648,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,75.93548387096773,6.068817204301076,26.46236559139785,7.1686216300943375,1.4020881720430114,261,10,47,3,6,80,51,62,0.068,0.748,0.183,0.7907,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,15,9,5,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,8,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34433206576167924,0.25228629916799744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581619097773547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309457825691637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056891391567905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272433471595549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24899720966329156,0.1759029724580179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864224143047154,0.0,0.13993516933526556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188558236906516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251781434519907,0.0,0.1202929494750573,0.24678183155452454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427910757391293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820495580632509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358074755232752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452297055239882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Forrest724,2018/11/14,"Almost perfect. I am in a very loving relationship, and have been for almost 3 years now.
The guy is amazing and supportive and has handled the effects of my BPD like no one in my life ever has and sticks by me and calms me down no matter what the situation be - even if my actions were directed at him.

However he is of a very intolerant mindset about more things than I'm proud of, I respect it by not talking talking about them because they turn heated these include things about LGBT, religion, politics and mental health.

I have however been very open about my bipolar disorder from the beginning and through having someone like him to help keep my grounded in relality I I have learned to manage it much better than I've been able to in the past. However of my diagnosis' given I've had my own personal stigma about what I thought borderline personality disorder was and never had much guidance and only recently began looking into it more and joining support groups.
 Ive mentioned my BPD is passing to my boyfriend so he knows I have it and having worked so hard to manage my bipolar disorder and still feeling put of wack, I feel I have opened a door to a whole new list of things to work on that I now realize are a symptom of being someone that is BPD. I do not take medicine for my mental diagnosis' for reasons I'd be happy to answer if you'd like but I do believe in trying to manage the issue even without because I can now recognize many more of the behaviors that I didn't before.

So I started the conversation tonight with my boyfriend explaining very similarly about learning about those behaviors and dealing with them and he immediately starts to deduce my seriousness about these things by repeating everyone has that, everyone does that, it's not because of some mental disorder, blah blah and just pushing that he doesn't believe in it and I'm using it as an exuse ( to which I have made a point never to do with my mental issues since 18, I'm 21. ) And things along those lines to which I quickly shut the conversation down as past interactions have shown me where this goes and it just kinda hurt.

I go through alot with my BPD and realizing the oddities of personality stem alot from it, I've really just been wanting someone close to me to talk to about it, but he really just fucking made me feel like it doesn't matter and nothing I can say will convince him that it is a real disorder that really causes things to happen to people differently than others.
He either lives his life without the BPD filter and is just so blind to its effects on others off of pure ignorance --- or if he really thinks it's exactly like him and so many others maybe they have it too.
Idk.
The whole situation rubbed me the wrong way because I was just looking for some god damn support. ",7.807436034115135,7.204163720149259,8.166759061833691,70.60649253731344,62.9179104477612,11.239232409381664,37.23987206823029,10.608840637214634,3.965405863539445,2238,97,400,48,28,740,242,536,0.079,0.835,0.086,-0.3078,4,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,4,7,31,23,2,0,23,0,44,9,0,8,6,88,75,35,0,4,18,0,5,7,0,1,7,1,1,4,41,31,0,2,16,0,0,5,12,6,0,1,15,9,52,17,75,55,13,45,0,1,3,2,35,20,2,11,24,301,93,7,0.061670411096984186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235080168824067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503748408026422,0.0,0.05247697760312937,0.1389628696550165,0.0,0.054542467022482805,0.0,0.0,0.3883586195078317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335250009317515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635794859023266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443245371844207,0.35339816995498186,0.0,0.05396819234053747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146544980411753,0.055784417534889344,0.0,0.117857441261151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935472385174738,0.044057354010016286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057013301315396676,0.0,0.0,0.03504871582159755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061063402794235076,0.054534940863402784,0.06564929936937433,0.05524457503967253,0.0,0.0,0.06555276315765972,0.0,0.0,0.04133637660183457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660194505771021,0.0,0.0,0.12873577341886933,0.0,0.05481549496722698,0.0,0.0,0.03389244511831948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711927033706245,0.15064523884599176,0.0,0.054456102852944825,0.0,0.10357522646307964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565995378863296,0.11670806821625,0.0,0.12504823459714376,0.0619562170135605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485970774010751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066969608945948,0.0,0.09512804579648552,0.05956166733012271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917442270774135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417894666021004,0.0469031266144121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774277108907955,0.04275449802573187,0.1615446726937228,0.0,0.0,0.05829847212511979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199579663430961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019442919958452,0.15803057803942108,0.06340745380016376,0.06089209098444155,0.06621094201109322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904278617337635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051014401343869295,0.13864025192389035,0.0,0.0,0.1567594175832793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730126878061867,0.0,0.04925006996496917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099485550562662,0.0,0.06409917030843823,0.04636847416757396,0.14870502121830748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582648502506865,0.03951590928888808,0.0,0.04895941775923895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187016098274958,0.06707969816917353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326343448513576,0.0,0.20353819121178493,0.03637480629025673,0.048951101807431854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770562322486932,0.0,0.1188961511674814,0.0,0.08979358753931146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742691335122855,0.0,0.03971372280260662
bpd,Uncosample,2018/11/14,"I don't want my BF to have friends Well obviously I don't want him to not have friends, but every time he spends time with other people I feel this immense rage and loneliness - even if we have spent the whole day together. I know these are irrational feelings, so I always try to tell myself to get over it... And the issue is I really do want him to be happy and spend time with his friends because ??? Of course??? But then especially in the evenings when he plays online with his friends, I just get so overwhelmed with these negative emotions I can't even focus on anything else and end up lying in bed for however long he plays for... Does anyone else experience this insane jealousy? How do I make it stooopppppp",5.520362318840584,6.342893789855072,5.610289855072463,82.14992753623191,67.6231884057971,8.742028985507247,30.55072463768116,8.841846274778883,2.3178637681159424,565,21,110,9,9,178,89,138,0.198,0.647,0.155,-0.8433,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,9,10,1,1,3,0,11,0,0,2,1,23,21,12,0,4,5,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,0,3,2,3,0,5,2,1,0,1,2,16,8,17,19,1,13,0,1,0,0,14,5,0,1,8,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046531508182735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096341336148484,0.16065416255088746,0.1290282472472206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558027447411163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111927236242488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721164017191326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26196282957912503,0.17637234425697826,0.13887310109761106,0.0,0.0,0.3106832237709421,0.0,0.13210585588926846,0.0,0.0,0.1533747907246561,0.0,0.0,0.15855969320524307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845551662151511,0.0,0.16383697120166954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691031609451695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365238350159395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616997869369171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387579118735751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466133011123537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870133951903774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044636419023216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704502094389692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274283835066762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645295337027218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774438024824928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409767945883083,0.0,0.0,0.1750550982359589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fullofscars,2018/11/14,"Decide to believe own perception, make a mistake, realize how fucked up I am, self-destruct. Repeat. Fuck my life.",2.862833333333332,5.92644095,4.1200000000000045,77.39833333333334,89.5,6.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,3.291666666666666,89,5,13,2,3,29,20,20,0.424,0.5760000000000001,0.0,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345913607770457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7132117597329861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724561052868305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574811713328743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024058299994121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,i_spexx,2018/11/14,Effexor Does anyone have any experience on this? I got prescribed it for social anxiety at university.. is it any good? ,3.377142857142857,6.57176766666667,6.2447619047619085,62.758571428571464,86.61904761904762,10.41904761904762,30.809523809523807,9.725611199111238,4.8892095238095274,95,5,14,4,3,34,19,21,0.07400000000000001,0.784,0.142,0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130001839991689,0.0,0.2885470200134226,0.0,0.0,0.2637379180760755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300788825665774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689612592113018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31636655725485824,0.30167089789047763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38449464278265466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chwes,2018/11/14,"Possible misdiagnosed? I was diagnosed with BPD last year at a psych ward. Previously, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizoaffective depression.

My current psychiatrist (who is retiring) just diagnosed me with schizoaffective psychosis. Now I’m very confused about what I have.

Has anyone else had trouble with diagnosis?",8.217058823529412,12.42341845098039,7.854411764705888,53.88985294117649,70.37254901960785,13.596078431372547,43.79411764705883,11.538034831475384,8.004435294117647,275,18,32,13,6,87,41,51,0.223,0.777,0.0,-0.9012,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,6,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398745194863845,0.24030168245060415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953798443262951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019986489812191,0.7141230424336303,0.0,0.0,0.2687894414672442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591807547297474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911716468672816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643951158638779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351018689499014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510283623151953
bpd,Rogue_Listener,2018/11/14,"Discovering you have bpd in the army?🤔 Im 20 years old, i just found out i had bpd when i was stationed over seas. They discharged me because the military doesnt like personality disorders. I just want to meet other people roughly my age with bpd because im lost and having some connections with people who also have bpd would help.",2.560087912087912,5.165492261538461,4.0068131868131855,82.8746153846154,80.23076923076924,6.791208791208793,24.67032967032967,7.957251820313856,1.6460329670329674,267,10,50,5,7,88,50,65,0.07200000000000001,0.863,0.065,-0.1053,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,10,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,8,1,6,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239560236223618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897705544514526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7808845466925161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764712554660805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995303648587232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038953948850869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348601649704187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572674658072433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692043311924654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626498110639967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491944000238947,0.13534283796217364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142491853596672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010984430518377,0.0,0.0,0.0998169953955416
bpd,mammarypommes,2018/11/14,"Experience with Modafinil? I’ve been on 5mg Olanzapine for a few months now and it’s really helping me with emotional regulation. But I can’t handle how tired it makes me during the day and I worry it’s impacting my job. I nod off for a few minutes at my desk multiple times a day, and just feel crushingly tired. I’ve read that Modafinil can help with daytime sleepiness caused by drugs like olanzapine, just wondering if anyone has had experience with it?",4.605600649350649,6.500946670454546,5.806038961038965,75.82727272727277,70.93181818181819,10.028571428571428,30.75324675324676,10.290406445055957,3.4398974025974027,369,16,69,11,7,123,62,88,0.1,0.79,0.111,-0.1943,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,5,3,0,3,0,16,8,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,7,1,10,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,42,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502225539047378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306185722236007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675178698079547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240523716074258,0.0,0.0,0.2333024789752877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057633756485321,0.0,0.0,0.1048700964036789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780381249888058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058172564135736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132750664307484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844431149718667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554852898259642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074609221477026,0.0,0.1328688228778733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093940414053456,0.4767626038169861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492165338501666,0.0,0.21062963746255609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a099030,2018/11/14,"Splitting over bad-but-in-good-faith advice? I'm currently living with my mother until I go back to school for my master's degree in January. Because of this, I've been able to spend a moderate amount of money on the hobbies that keep me in contact with other people without having to worry about other expenses. But my mom hates when I spend any personal money on myself and says I should have a savings account of at least $6,000 (which is just a high, arbitrary number she came up with.) As a result, she abruptly told me that she wouldn't be paying for anything when I started living independently, even though she pays my sister's rent while she's at school. Because of that, I need to save somewhere between $1,000 and $3,000 by the start of the semester. And while that's not terrible since I'm working (at the worst, I'll have to sell off some personal possessions,) it still sucks because I feel like I'm being backstabbed.

​

My mom's always been a helicopter parent and has even gone so far as to lie and manipulate me to do what she wants me to do (e.g. unknowingly changing my diet as a kid to experiment on me, lying about the reasons she wanted to contact my therapist so she could spread lies to him about me.) But I don't know if I'm being too defensive here. She says I spend so much money, and I get that spending money is a vice for me. I just sincerely cannot tell if I'm being immature and lying to myself or if she's manipulating me again. All I do know is that I absolutely hate her now, and I'm doing my absolute best to avoid being in the same room as her so my anger doesn't get the better of me. 

​

I always get aware of when I'm splitting, but am I right to resent my mother right now or am I just being a little bitch? I'm feeling even more isolated than before now and have broken my streak of no self harm as a result.",8.776815789473684,5.838414813157897,9.198815789473688,71.41296052631581,62.71052631578948,11.921052631578947,36.118421052631575,9.978442167317967,3.3672368421052634,1479,47,291,23,16,500,191,380,0.12300000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.043,-0.9839,3,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,0,4,25,17,7,1,16,0,28,1,0,6,1,51,56,33,0,9,13,6,2,1,0,2,0,2,2,4,12,13,1,3,5,0,14,3,7,11,0,0,5,4,50,6,53,42,9,37,0,0,0,0,29,18,2,7,17,210,62,5,0.10649168248458807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406243963552264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721922139599053,0.23076738696059235,0.2587981006285477,0.07241799584491357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763358100541951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188553049138105,0.08891610671408201,0.19474902366763072,0.0,0.09061657831135447,0.0,0.11175645075287344,0.09418323920283377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217981150544526,0.0,0.0,0.11265407977550294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502494315687427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110102558022791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416929962169924,0.0,0.0,0.1076907887625006,0.07607767924503399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691252644827392,0.0,0.0605216772577773,0.0893201708044185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027697882481786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251430934405092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465470038955086,0.0,0.0,0.1170500873908689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202645695931414,0.106732642218357,0.18806821330391488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494435429264389,0.0,0.0,0.07828363971620253,0.07896223321111286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182464109581778,0.0,0.0,0.07382792408151853,0.18596885913973207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949118575882867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818866299623412,0.0,0.16937292034980905,0.0,0.2155505359879846,0.0,0.0,0.11109404980439112,0.0,0.0,0.08809102020593369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075072194454628,0.0,0.08504439519310618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307842430243587,0.0,0.0,0.12364505121031714,0.0,0.0,0.10462753735330342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175736621481872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562310686752806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265418175059143,0.0,0.07752721315859717,0.10814747279237974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587981006285477,0.0
bpd,squidsea,2018/11/14,"My BF just broke up with me.... I'm really devastated because he was the center of my universe. He said he just doesn't think we're right for each other and I'm too dependent on him. He said he has been wanting to break up for a while now. We've been together for 2 years and my birthday is next week....

I already bought him Christmas presents that I can't return because I got them off etsy. Literally just being next to him made me happier and could brighten my day. I love him more than anyone. Plus he was my only friend and only person I talked to. So now I'm all alone. 

I'm not on any medications and I begged for him to give me another chance and that I'll go on medication. But he said he just doesn't want to wait any longer. I asked if he could get back together someday in the future and he said no. I honestly thought I was going to marry him. 

I feel so broken and I can't stop crying. I don't know to do now.... I feel like I can't live without him. ",0.2855560458958521,2.303899082524275,2.7258958517210954,92.19692850838484,84.87378640776699,5.8813768755516325,20.0432480141218,7.1686216300943375,0.3945805825242723,745,22,171,11,22,256,114,206,0.081,0.794,0.126,0.8456,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,0,3,0,17,3,0,2,1,33,42,14,0,5,8,0,2,1,2,0,2,4,0,1,3,11,0,2,5,0,1,2,9,1,0,0,13,6,30,4,23,26,3,26,0,1,0,1,29,9,0,2,15,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070715013271132,0.14992186597053242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477519263559447,0.14245818391595189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949945558263122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270081997818057,0.0,0.0,0.10446584784682006,0.0,0.1656346508163683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694193642539705,0.0,0.14923282199451615,0.08761669424318297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738702657060467,0.09705645450251342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496298294667017,0.0,0.07097981164290894,0.13032666433128853,0.15442162467301326,0.0,0.1086574625290116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466359774709247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663729953766729,0.0,0.1199644506052141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261648239860914,0.1285514253798751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737237953754127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28897147697446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665113811611907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862532016680782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703364030895927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602135870034305,0.5169254653677839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358275359678405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919692032109407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705184726142376,0.0,0.10785548994019956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026426511884553,0.0,0.10897650010119632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096155165931114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748762191756494
bpd,creamsoda_dreamsoda,2018/11/14,"It’s like jumping from a burning building. My counselor asked me why I wanted to kill myself and this is what I told her. 
“Say you were standing on the balcony of your 11th floor apartment. Behind you the entire apartment is on fire, but only you can see it. You look bellow and people are pleading you not to jump. You understand they don’t see the fire. You decide that a quick fall to your death is better than being slowly burned alive. If you’re lucky someone will catch you before you hit the ground, and if not at least you don’t have to go through that excruciating suffering anymore.”",5.048021739130434,6.2227749652173925,4.9971195652173925,84.83915760869569,68.91304347826087,6.793478260869566,27.41847826086957,6.6274283507984215,1.1943260869565218,471,15,89,3,8,146,82,115,0.174,0.73,0.096,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,12,1,1,1,5,1,0,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,12,20,6,2,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,2,6,19,3,12,15,1,14,0,1,3,0,17,7,0,3,2,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654026363418631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018433951079244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277210546086975,0.0,0.0,0.23668413614162145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209203910209154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960768676087517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074340112050448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472959456510933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353362455162166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855308713340332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281856346246825,0.0,0.0,0.4265097634383443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267497197334831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557180504986958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785971427862877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784653819526348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24148133722797416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fancylamp12,2018/11/14,"continuously lashing out? help lately i've been splitting on my friends and i try to control myself but then i lose control and start lashing out saying they don't like me and telling them to leave me if they can't stand me so much. and its usually over things like them criticizing me or hanging out with someone i dont like. today was one of the worst ones, i freaked out at my friend because he was supposed to hang out with me on sunday but he had a rough day and ended up not hanging out with me. this girl i'll call kate (not her real name) has always been really weird to my friend and violating his boundaries and wanted to hang out with him that day and he stated complaining about it to me that same day and i told him he was supposed to hang out with me that day and that he should hang out with me before he hangs out with her because i asked first and kate is just not a good person because she bascially sexually harasses people and has done some messed up things in the past that he KNOWS about. he hung out with one friend and let her tag along and i found out today and started freaking out and being like ""seriously you hung out with kate even though you were supposed to hang out with me"" and accused him of liking her more and then later i tried apologizing but he ignored me so i freaked out more. i know my friends are getting tired of me and i dont know what to do because i want reassurance but i cant get it because my friends just get frustrated with me and i just dont know how to deal with these feelings before they get crazy like that ",5.31749546279492,5.3480877648902885,5.532189407688502,85.30340207886489,67.90282131661442,8.345883517571359,29.642138261013034,7.85451343220497,1.6712909090909092,1243,41,265,13,19,394,145,319,0.209,0.701,0.09,-0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,5,4,10,27,3,0,4,0,22,1,0,3,0,78,38,32,0,4,12,0,2,6,6,1,1,1,0,2,14,49,0,3,6,0,0,8,9,13,0,4,10,3,49,14,51,25,6,51,0,1,0,0,44,23,0,3,24,189,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754485244778414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712378595202057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840509094836841,0.0,0.15860241658044066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516146773703296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904993382767084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404096153848558,0.09607889563793902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536979223201314,0.3276679323363637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254220002324945,0.0,0.0,0.06155374126374578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047121673703293517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792707471527946,0.0,0.10218238287100152,0.4320086014056532,0.0,0.1947600210731408,0.0,0.0,0.0781666843029727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246595670307039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048678847413223,0.0,0.1051268625477845,0.09867896291166962,0.0,0.0952971530728228,0.0,0.2731792113639621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042602194374534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850829433793866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945194712315605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889641938357939,0.06460896774436553,0.0813733839268495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607514580712872,0.0597024464714062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741115891025655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896295221903142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319263497210157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145564145637232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382787133598935,0.0,0.0915626068338036,0.0,0.0,0.10711276436954104,0.17667398199540435,0.08905083643237105,0.0,0.1265451826265268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026399966325746,0.0,0.10993644153652822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImBrent,2018/11/14,"Does anyone else's BPD not effect their relationship with their parents as heavily as others? So in general, I constantly feel the need to prove myself to others. Anything besides validation lowers my self-esteem. I spend every waking moment of my day hoping that somebody in my ""good"" category will try talking to me. And with every second that passes without a conversation with one of those people, my self-esteem drops. I'm clearly not of value to them, I'm just a boring piece of trash, etc...

 Strangely though, this doesn't apply to my relationship with my parents. I just don't feel the need to receive their validation. In fact, even though I view them positively, I just get annoyed with any conversation brought up from them. It's as if I feel insulted that they feel the need to support me because I don't have that support anywhere else, and it makes me feel like shit.

Does anyone else feel anything remotely like this? This came to my mind after my friend abandoned me (pre-diagnosis) and told me that she couldn't handle me and that I should use my mom for support (for depression/anxiety). My mind just thought ""fuck that, that won't help, that just makes things worse when I talk to my mom"".",7.248546630360793,7.447614004424782,7.219203539823012,74.26837644656231,63.82300884955753,9.7857045609258,33.313818924438394,9.466822959209583,3.007902382573179,959,36,170,16,13,307,120,226,0.126,0.768,0.106,-0.5505,3,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,7,1,10,14,4,0,5,0,8,3,2,4,3,43,32,12,0,7,9,4,6,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,1,9,0,1,4,8,6,0,2,4,7,35,8,30,24,2,14,0,1,1,1,23,4,2,2,7,117,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850669285270382,0.0,0.07706586738243566,0.0,0.0,0.14087957946836555,0.20644018531237945,0.16580096556048174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614102033253999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687857442029501,0.0,0.0,0.11521978702562673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886421237111077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496900233923207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631660440253444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25246617123664644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235179227950788,0.06653785712773454,0.0,0.16975568474294986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056231963924011,0.07196871639678394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783151765196357,0.09313255880685277,0.05263252155881471,0.0,0.0,0.08449597970031536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752393627297155,0.0,0.0,0.10005760659432307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843300592739296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448953976750966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343747833574166,0.2359710729353474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409242596861592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826406936684587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371982162539905,0.0,0.0,0.06984047072825147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631423924718413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018769875960197,0.0,0.10340822018633104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34295586642184306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194208268317736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692721711327028,0.0,0.19795318778905396,0.0799763519812213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626144097811723,0.0,0.06839588552163436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700706379025687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710981941966217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266272390088714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sylveongirl3,2018/11/14,Does anyone else experience this? Tw So I have an abusive ex (sexually and emotionally) and now I am married to an amazing man who doesn’t harm me. But sometimes I feel like it’s a fantasy or that I am still stuck with my ex (it’s like a weird memory that feels real and I can remember how helpless and lost and alone I felt). I obviously do not want to be with my ex nor are any of the feelings for him good. It happens suddenly and it feels like maybe a parallel life where I am trapped with him and am trying to get to my husband. I realize the whole time it’s not real but it feels real. I don’t really know how to explain it very well. But like the other day I was just sitting and all of a sudden it was almost like my real life felt like a dream and I was stuck with my abusive ex and couldn’t feel free. I don’t know what this is or how to stop it.,1.2220161290322586,2.676101564516131,3.662029569892475,89.51304435483874,79.05376344086021,7.015591397849463,22.91532258064516,7.865858978985527,0.9524096774193556,665,21,155,11,16,232,96,186,0.142,0.7070000000000001,0.151,0.5575,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,14,0,0,10,0,17,2,0,3,2,48,34,20,0,2,8,5,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,16,14,0,1,13,2,1,0,7,4,1,0,8,8,21,11,13,24,2,9,0,2,0,0,10,1,0,3,13,106,37,0,0.0,0.2771518964608553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711641005537493,0.12113307837548805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795353607484157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817796605595399,0.1198371569847416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542814903685055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235061826180243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770329082664438,0.13156185915690505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440723714675373,0.0,0.0,0.354824472849942,0.16710944822649434,0.2245957890286212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061105658658486474,0.0,0.0,0.09809871046767588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342545622095077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855397084176862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522160173998976,0.3428382385711887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767332874213916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174998983936168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324946354903421,0.07492620497896264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249046462407305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567432184202485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340270429190033,0.09778201449298213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819907325434969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794067149083789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650248973953164,0.06898478069210054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515916921189944,0.0,0.0,0.13057928257313048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rntuglad1,2018/11/14,"I’m really just a 40 year old child I am a shit parent. Why? Because I’m really just a 40 year old child myself. This BPD makes me need attention and it makes me also push everyone away. My kids suffer the most. If they don’t want to spend time with me and would rather go with their friends, the child in me feels rejected and hurt. It kills me to the point I almost want to move far away so I don’t have to see them and get constantly rejected by them. But then when it happens a few times, I’ll just blow them off and leave them with their dad for a week so I can recoup my emotions. I feel like  I am making them miserable. I don’t think they need me, they’ve shown they don’t. Most days they say they love me, but I don’t see it. I really don’t even know what I’m trying to say other than I want to just leave to save myself, because staying around and being constantly rejected by the only people I care about anymore makes me want to die. ",2.0670049504950505,3.308372767326734,3.5287995049504954,92.24933787128711,76.27722772277227,7.228217821782177,20.050742574257427,7.865858978985527,0.4683752475247531,737,15,172,11,16,243,104,202,0.136,0.764,0.1,-0.8126,1,3,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,12,0,13,13,2,1,9,0,12,2,1,4,0,38,36,14,2,9,8,2,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,4,7,10,0,0,5,0,1,3,6,8,0,0,0,6,35,5,21,34,3,23,0,6,2,1,22,7,1,4,13,107,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802899483312865,0.0,0.0,0.0942599703942737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689459103959254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492859301586396,0.0,0.0,0.2214840191168941,0.0,0.0,0.14370396154142953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148452152831288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201755224870534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547494999311541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601589400438008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232963828391005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258700456515998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785150629666011,0.0,0.0,0.11262908819030415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919643556034525,0.08420579230513515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106546480642216,0.0,0.06158180110428022,0.0,0.0669877924208562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423135948365196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618143482086386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040482503281547,0.0,0.06477783921607205,0.0,0.0,0.24961296404546898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057584945710262674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638157042689173,0.0,0.3147144709498308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527632418772802,0.0,0.17479706204783152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473678313888853,0.0,0.0,0.08964485105611956,0.0,0.0,0.13087981679753893,0.0,0.0,0.08171567407444852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142450893347997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265301162188943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746866485180266,0.0,0.0,0.1878530110277375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099105760962263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256329025160415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552583501887522,0.0,0.0,0.13746097683417474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002546132694274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27808927271669803,0.0,0.094547576260621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063586351214608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373091005197697,0.0,0.0,0.15180782274031834
bpd,letitbe18,2018/11/14,"Feel like I’m regressing/falling into old behaviors despite DBT skills So recently I’ve undergone a lot of life changes..job loss, second one this year, had to move out of my house. On the plus side I have a nice apartment, but I won’t be able to pay my rent for December. My relationship has been on the rocks for at least 6 months. With him kind of killing my trust but has been working hard to earn it back at a distance...
Anyways, I see myself freezing up, so disassociated. Just feeling completely unable to do anything. I guess I’m hoping maybe someone has tips on how to force yourself to get up and do the healthy stuff, even when you’re broke and in the pits..instead of resorting to old self destructive habits. ",5.443758865248221,6.080256638297875,5.7512056737588635,81.73333333333333,67.72340425531915,9.10354609929078,33.39716312056738,9.150863307647796,2.7726226950354613,570,25,114,10,9,182,104,141,0.146,0.738,0.115,-0.6902,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,8,9,2,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,0,15,19,9,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,4,0,2,3,5,10,5,25,14,2,20,0,2,1,0,3,12,0,3,8,72,13,3,0.1851819605322098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238897499239354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239349704901647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941597623837852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231093843885975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726712668086615,0.13229402960531594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674993127451996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399880712506227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658866631929364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392747059773812,0.0,0.2136751194482212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837645217829556,0.0,0.2048764023388361,0.1928385153264484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130799495205098,0.09047055201390727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743508067490894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860401695018253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781047415785234,0.19681911763124346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886346332396935,0.0,0.12548408900343286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828448455073783,0.19881612319750352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756604695491773,0.0,0.19318517152001485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690407422076574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119890404134913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348146727739541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925111115367705
bpd,jacattackdyl,2018/11/14,"Tough Day Hi friends, the feeling of abandonment is strong today. There is a circumstance that is contributing to it, so I know that at least on some level my feelings are coming from a real place, but I also know I'm allowing myself to ruminate and stay in a cycle of negative thoughts. I tried to reach out to a few people, and so far I've been ignored by everyone. I know this will pass, and in a few days I'll no longer think all my friends actually hate me and are just pretending to be my friend as part of some sick joke... But, but, but... You know? Thought I'd reach out to Reddit. Hope whoever is reading this feels loved and wanted today. ",3.3665384615384646,4.764211038461539,4.547692307692311,85.61230769230772,73.23076923076924,8.276923076923078,26.84615384615385,8.841846274778883,1.9417538461538464,505,18,105,10,10,166,86,130,0.158,0.6629999999999999,0.179,0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,5,11,1,0,6,0,9,2,0,1,1,32,25,13,0,2,5,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,10,3,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,3,10,7,18,20,7,16,0,1,0,1,6,9,0,3,4,71,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.16809254920361585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774940723242554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483793557241964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217584613165486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645936241062674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612864974491819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39924308518110974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006262690520285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710845372915475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786595271136803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546364172897195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865315141214901,0.0,0.11941745385947194,0.0,0.17996608367016154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229804480167338,0.1960598392498578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359710678972546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037176185253772,0.0,0.2734967912724288,0.0,0.0,0.32654843173756337,0.0,0.0,0.11694741484830168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159835695415363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cassadyblue,2018/11/14,"Do people with BPD actually experience mania? I have bipolar and don't wanna seem rude for asking this. I have no idea what people with BPD go through and don't wanna come across like a know it all. To my knowledge mania doesn't occur in BPD, but people with BPD can have extreme, intense emotions which can possibly mimic mania. My doctor confirmed my diagnosis because of the fact that I experience hypomania and she said that if I had BPD, that would not be a charateristic of my disorder. What do you guys know about this?",5.541957142857144,6.882259110000002,6.6194285714285765,73.04900000000002,67.9,8.914285714285715,30.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.7496714285714288,421,16,73,8,7,141,65,100,0.057,0.892,0.051,-0.3757,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,13,2,0,0,2,20,20,5,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,1,10,1,13,16,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,56,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.12402436559485652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118814732585785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747467005081457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8003454766013075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947930499153344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565950776171505,0.13008499849929955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429624391913536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486425440999114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222984056347073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584198150200734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143472447344539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396939003222409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209118553089391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26433070399688124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327818169162448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089447972644615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157006295334113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902831704811583,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dandy-lou,2018/11/14,"How to prevent a meltdown? There is some stupid immature work drama going on that's completely out of my control, but my mind wont' stop hyper-fixating on it. It's stressing me out to the point my heartbeat is on-and-off getting really fast and I'm getting teary-eyed and sweating every hour or so. I don't know what to do, I try deep breathing, I try focusing on other things, but my brain won't let me distract myself. I keep falling back into the situation.

It doesn't help I work in a call center. It's so hard talking to people on the phone when I'm a breath away from breaking down sobbing.

I can't leave, I can't afford another day off. What can I do?",1.965434782608696,3.654526485507248,4.029782608695651,86.65380434782612,77.6231884057971,6.6289855072463775,25.99275362318841,7.492282038375204,1.373597101449275,517,20,107,7,12,177,89,138,0.13,0.8140000000000001,0.055,-0.885,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,1,2,6,0,12,4,4,2,0,16,19,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,4,1,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,1,15,0,17,16,1,23,0,1,0,0,4,14,1,2,6,71,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041940927071835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295767227809331,0.14973733648432047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173859649697114,0.19884374002591215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041734087180168,0.0,0.21840915069391506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558640644713506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407060023427633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034794750367112,0.0,0.1106710147416962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444214531953886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305251458443141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191772368724858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730872675184604,0.0,0.0,0.1070199351215686,0.0,0.0,0.2061936886204489,0.0,0.19912726002908912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662439718136726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350030541879043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408523441539928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475067931777335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888758268008315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280515924281588,0.22306551631434945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651867417135906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293716755396026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26442128304761714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835352798903193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SinnedHerHella,2018/11/14,"If you make someone your everything... you are suggesting that everything else is nothing.

​

I think everyone can benefit from looking at this concept - take this as your sign!",6.962999999999997,10.443727966666668,6.0100000000000025,69.78500000000001,69.33333333333334,10.666666666666668,43.33333333333334,10.504223727775694,6.165333333333335,149,10,20,5,3,45,26,30,0.0,0.895,0.105,0.5093,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036311441736356,0.3405124287221245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340977920301353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26777358741057483,0.5037087205495289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353242159349649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705696780983092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688900638236533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374395776088824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106995118465817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956128483444864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405124287221245,0.0
bpd,gnarlybri,2018/11/14,"Dating people who are emotionally unavailable Three things I notice I do:
1. I jump from person to person searching for the one who will make me feel the most “whole.” These meaningless relationships last a month, tops, yet I then slowly sway away to someone new after they do something I really can’t tolerate. This is usually something I shouldn’t even be annoyed at (like being too nice to me).

2. I always somehow manage to end up in relationships with people who have never truly dated anyone else before. I’m constantly a persons “first” everything and I don’t understand why this is? 

3. I consistently pick people that challenge me with their emotional side. Just recently I was seeing a guy who was incredibly kind. He bought me dinner, got me a few small gifts, told me very very very kind words that I haven’t heard anyone else say to me before, and wanted to make a future work with me where we could travel together and just exist and be happy. 

—I literally left him for a guy that is very emotionally distant. 

It’s like I enjoy the challenge of getting people to open up their hearts and minds to me. If someone doesn’t show me emotions at first, it’s a game for me to figure out how I can get them out of their shell. 

—if someone is already emotionally available, although I feel like I should appreciate it, I just get bored with them because there’s nothing I have to work towards. 

—if I get someone to open up their heart to me, it feels more genuine. like, I know usually they wouldn’t show these emotions to anyone else, but they show them to me, and that means a lot more in my eyes. But I’m not sure it’s healthy for me???

Does anyone else relate to any of these things?",4.271554878048779,5.839925826219517,5.140214634146343,81.577956097561,71.22560975609754,7.808975609756097,26.534634146341467,8.364918446050245,1.7850969268292682,1333,44,252,21,25,434,168,328,0.040999999999999995,0.879,0.081,0.812,0,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,10,7,10,14,1,0,11,0,24,4,3,4,2,45,44,12,0,6,7,0,3,4,0,4,0,2,0,5,20,15,1,0,7,5,1,2,8,2,0,4,6,7,46,12,39,30,6,37,0,0,2,0,28,18,0,4,21,173,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916810441664793,0.0,0.05969435478486732,0.0,0.0,0.0487864183435931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006522228358273,0.29402900137752386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740313916524092,0.0,0.0,0.04373271785925696,0.0,0.12209280985433987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752665887407753,0.0,0.05727944274203271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278113323758525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397219840313285,0.4841945900660918,0.06354133404572795,0.0,0.0,0.047384329885831966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447628831569187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882339005011038,0.0512518669283031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204591162996405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992708643912728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737792338334149,0.0,0.0,0.14206996604871008,0.0,0.07636975099436437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002713351523913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941466301462678,0.039427040640797766,0.058478583927141066,0.0,0.0,0.07794693141658278,0.0,0.0,0.14019634012450038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609917305313744,0.0,0.0,0.09577550275332064,0.0,0.0,0.07814710592109934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243807511036081,0.0,0.05726307358501706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055331170628206285,0.06928801596521886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883753476177486,0.08167773498456991,0.0,0.0,0.04861363623445675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894502451536555,0.18792472344100947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595919533909064,0.0,0.0708356962020736,0.15404621840788066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057051414167534086,0.0,0.0,0.05716838034363771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431440559022217,0.11045963064288382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761515191608161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532321811770596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855170983093474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468503085631999,0.0,0.0,0.15802540544462867,0.2367757330238738,0.042314768406364216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473519771856158,0.08009639293357823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044567723820513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ND8118,2018/11/14,"Is it possible to develop BPD and not have any childhood trauma? Or maybe I can’t remember it? Is it possible to develop BPD and not have any childhood trauma? Or maybe I can’t remember it? All I really remember from birth til about 18 is about a small handful of happy memories with family and a few bad memories Like getting in a yelling fight with my high school boyfriend or sisters fighting. I have a really really bad memory. I always feel like I suppressed my memories for a reason. Also, My identical twin sister (34F) told me something bad happened to her as a child and that my mom would always give us dimetapp at night. I do remember her doing that a lot. If nothing happened to me grammatically as a child how did I develop BPD? ",5.086993006993005,6.307444867132869,6.738048951048949,72.22399650349651,68.86013986013987,11.034685314685316,33.88041958041959,11.00357731598739,4.248337622377621,588,28,104,19,10,203,80,143,0.152,0.7879999999999999,0.06,-0.9254,0,0,1,0,4,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,8,0,12,1,1,2,1,23,18,13,0,2,6,3,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,3,17,3,16,15,3,9,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,5,7,74,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906817492780915,0.18870704977325709,0.0,0.0,0.15422465169113775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840396664058157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284501951315357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689848864791028,0.0,0.05733579821377743,0.08100923980389026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059244082344533475,0.1087785872435826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054922504379136,0.1207108314848402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980779063546787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110797904714975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640417063406184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278405571179935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328065734062131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641330147979368,0.0,0.1088053313028822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556711099501363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793076230529604,0.11658870001779435,0.0,0.0,0.5138166361922659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476155183090404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729682686404715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835355341161534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639993536599612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055238464854297,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Maxinprogress,2018/11/14,"I force myself to like people I dont like Hello everyone,

Sometimes I do weird things and them I shame myself immensely for it. So just a few hours ago, I walked across this person whom I dont like, but I was feeling good, and I thought to myself ""ok try to talk to him without judgement, maybe you might like it more than you think"". And then I did, the exchange was really aqward but I was nice to him. He is also super aqward so it was double time aqward. I tried beeing real with him, to loosen him up. It didnt take.

And then I start thinking ""why did you even try you knew it was a dead end, you dont like him why do you force yourself? There must be something real wrong with you.""

Thing is I also have a depression, and I can be really negative about people around me. It makes me sound arrogant and I dont like it so I try beeing nice from time to time as an exercise, even to people I dont like, but it feels forced and then I think to myself I have some sort of weird social thing going on. Now he probably think I like him but I really dont. I often make that mistake, I m not good at boundaries and distances with people I dont understand them.

But it could also be that I am beeing way too hard on myself and all of this is false.

Anyways thanks for reading if you have any advice that would be nice thanks.",1.1558937198067625,3.1198875362318863,2.7618840579710167,93.46814009661837,81.2463768115942,5.683091787439612,18.19323671497585,6.775458762138228,-0.050264734299517055,1024,22,227,11,27,336,129,276,0.127,0.684,0.18899999999999997,0.9502,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,8,2,1,16,23,0,1,5,1,33,1,0,2,2,44,49,25,1,5,9,0,3,8,0,3,1,1,0,1,18,13,0,0,9,2,1,2,11,6,0,0,10,4,48,17,27,31,5,20,0,1,0,0,23,6,0,5,19,170,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667739579071603,0.06955657995983389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825095770351552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053360495383536655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985258621482582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264980180512021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758382196460941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6437421285451599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694987903832481,0.0,0.0,0.1036539021297908,0.0,0.0,0.07497892487628208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935090952968489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044594808821188166,0.1316293969822872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029134176676054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727454329782515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30668150743575034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475514387080692,0.0,0.07883100958869425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324146858997464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759754912657725,0.0685146718977051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460108532754287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848859412181224,0.1786260681504888,0.15080459976283556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998759162718606,0.0,0.0604080070961063,0.0776062251879338,0.0,0.05553960109317065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589976891409801,0.06306909146815529,0.0,0.14448440485244224,0.0,0.0,0.15639068145433022,0.20111486299278114,0.0,0.06229431874432732,0.13726484544634548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130967461224354,0.0,0.0,0.08168728878928487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228373780655797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160917469635378,0.0,0.0,0.07563973467498138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574096102067503,0.08579173986306128,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuckitidunno,2018/11/14,"Why the fuck was I born if I was destined to commit suicide? Like, what the fuck else could I do? I know the world is going to end in the next two decades so I'll live through the end, so I effectively have no future. And right now, unlike other borderlines, I have fucking *no one*, at least romantically. Women are fucking repulsed by me, even the girls that like my physical appearance feel no chemistry with me and turn me down. I'm so fucking sick of being worthless and alone, I haven't had sex in a year because I'm a fucking failure. Like, why would god make me if he intended for me to kill myself anyway, like, what was the fucking point? Why are people created if their entire purpose is to die for nothing?",3.09448356807512,4.9284146690140815,4.3151408450704265,85.20163145539908,74.84507042253522,6.705164319248826,28.030516431924877,7.492282038375204,1.6250826291079816,561,23,110,7,12,184,90,142,0.242,0.625,0.132,-0.9719,0,1,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,1,6,13,8,0,9,0,15,9,0,3,1,16,30,9,3,5,3,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,9,0,2,4,1,15,4,14,23,1,16,0,1,0,8,4,7,7,4,11,75,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150741484296115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151675735785748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936699159965002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175891276737917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980052224314466,0.0,0.20782015806872625,0.0,0.0,0.0774882922647446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932016395687949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7592186273198429,0.0,0.0,0.06667526274311837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979642495766575,0.0,0.06447562001339165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292651390067049,0.0,0.10359509273229846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831154484017724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477040824649645,0.0,0.0,0.11257103403713714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949859503476699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133443187550922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090466099386888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019004257388646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832827429470606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276097110925435,0.1146039105354112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175872656246082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334026582577478,0.0,0.0,0.07554978378806901
bpd,hdjahteen,2018/11/14,"Depression is protecting me I started considering this theory when I bought a ""SAD"" light to help with seasonal depression. Every time I've used it it makes me anxious and miserable and I cry for no reason. This led me to thinking about how I react to things like alcohol and cough syrup. Those also just make me miserable and cry a lot. Because without ""inhibitions"" most people are free to be more open or confident, but for me all I am is miserable. 

Except that I'm depressed, so I'm not feeling miserable most of the time, I'm just numb. Depression keeps me from feeling any emotions or anxiety. I'm usually too depressed to go through with most of my stupid impulses. Not to mention that for the last like year or two the only times I've willingly eaten food have been depression eating, which is the main reason I'm not dangerously underweight. This all also explains why being on anti-depressants was awful for me, because depression is the solution not the problem. 

Which means I can't be fixed because if I try to ""cure"" my depression everything else will get unbearably worse. Depression isn't the problem, I am. So. I'm at this weird impasse forever I guess. ",5.12008058017728,7.005939949771694,6.1911952726295985,73.61968573730864,69.59360730593608,10.449744829438627,33.88691915122213,10.59048541779884,4.191440827289822,935,46,159,29,17,311,127,219,0.309,0.604,0.086,-0.9962,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,10,23,2,4,9,1,17,6,0,8,2,43,38,15,0,3,13,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,12,7,4,2,7,0,2,2,8,20,0,1,4,3,18,4,22,29,8,14,0,14,0,0,3,3,0,9,11,110,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609406368140748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381338864422996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061146730044214975,0.0,0.06878635637234792,0.10158076010667494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443793890790814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975394846045418,0.0,0.0,0.7744549010130198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200766919957007,0.07511422205659955,0.1011446658477946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075759057956323,0.0,0.0808117162470554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092960267515757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872814740819234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697798789123926,0.0,0.05110197566126568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990538532141813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060269555146730575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992247430501677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329445993713646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878579331485764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644432627674594,0.0,0.0,0.12004076155911035,0.0,0.0,0.0979461118838552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838602723384173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062337214539947575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207709476039926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848995653553793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364380559808824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059736944041872325,0.05761526456467751,0.0,0.0,0.1572942003019366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061047827211839274,0.0,0.0878359680325505,0.0,0.0,0.07765952814218577,0.09903101247152006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113622179390008,0.0,0.0,0.08667690214536736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163323468947113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790368201811484
bpd,ScaredKittens,2018/11/14,"Can I get some support? I'm really having a tough day. Day 3 trying to detox from alcohol. It's a long story, but basically I called the 800 #'s too much this month and told them I wasn't suicidal, so now none will take my calls. They seemed to not believe me even though I was serious so they kept calling people to check on me.

Even the cops said that they won't respond if I call again. I thought that was a bit much since I said that I never asked them to come out to begin with and didn't want them in my house unsolicited, but I also understand that they meant well. I just wish they would have understood that I said I was not suicidal... I was telling them the truth when I said that I wasn't suicidal, just emotional. I was not trying to waste their time, but no-one listened to me. Now when I'm asking for genuine help, no-one is around. It's a weird twist. I didn't fake it before and call ""wolf"". I just don't fit their mold.

I need help right now. I'm trying to get sober and I'm not feeling so good.",1.7172919896640801,3.1630664372093023,3.1734496124031035,93.58487726098194,77.65116279069767,6.8242894056847545,20.781653746770026,7.594959193182576,0.4293669250645991,784,19,186,11,18,257,116,215,0.057999999999999996,0.7559999999999999,0.187,0.9864,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,11,0,19,8,0,0,7,0,17,2,0,0,2,33,45,15,3,5,11,0,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,10,8,1,1,6,0,1,1,12,4,1,0,18,6,35,4,15,24,5,20,0,0,0,0,28,6,0,3,13,119,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109950903724574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305705606466159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245769966244452,0.19419074808462586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837747805388771,0.1170150085254635,0.0,0.0,0.11338856396129675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5302649674470682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946646461010645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396262153951882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168288747126854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137197516531214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052514895716776346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085254554077765,0.0,0.0,0.08711310427010323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923075919440986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984085849958814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191311013053202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290031223125485,0.0,0.15269856310895893,0.0770111072691725,0.08010347740746007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200366491283558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653557703030362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869614118820797,0.39517977184235065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455052969434266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591432550283098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408189808948837,0.11785945421155584,0.0,0.0,0.07809003100614267,0.0,0.090778492792066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020422317702461,0.08245348848540075,0.06056178466778296,0.0,0.0,0.0992429814395751,0.0,0.21154300813686905,0.0,0.0,0.1081222503328885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125950448106366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933828959508305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194342361311172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377938759627141,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amberdawnkc,2018/11/14,"Kickboxing to help symptoms? Does anyone do kickboxing? What do you love about it? How has it helped your symptoms?

I started a class the other day and I hurt everywhere. Part of me wants to love it because it seems fun, and the other part of me gets intense anxiety because I’m not in shape and I hate working out and I get nervous anytime I have a scheduled thing to go do. I have to decide if I’m going to commit to this (and the monthly bill). I dont know if it’s My impulsiveness driving me toward it or if it’s my self hatred driving me away from it. 

Being an indecisive Libra with BPD is super great :/",0.4119300000000017,2.8024967680000006,2.844075,88.58691250000004,89.32,5.045000000000001,23.0125,6.6274283507984215,0.8462899999999998,476,19,95,6,16,163,78,125,0.136,0.677,0.187,0.8541,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,2,9,1,2,6,0,9,4,0,1,1,19,22,10,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,7,0,0,3,0,1,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,15,5,15,21,2,13,0,1,0,2,7,5,0,6,4,71,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513082154841252,0.0,0.0,0.1235123535201651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596118867335347,0.0,0.0,0.2153589262970564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247470353150764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391962433530063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458080480238096,0.0,0.2070233766023468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845765478279207,0.0,0.2007796987086759,0.0,0.0,0.19474868086459168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743976305960365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23679912502558575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909915934230492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970779493604617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31885301614771594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099414177077324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825726402828341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080845089024662,0.1842763688871985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502827872409902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36719782166951054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735324780794487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418816319432417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859764637228516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,p2dan,2018/11/14,"Numbness, disassociation, cutting Being present is the biggest challenge of my life. Due to early abuse, my brain learned to zone out of any unpleasant situation, and that eventually became my autopilot for mildly unpleasant, but necessary life events (like dealing with jobs, interviews, errands, arguments, classes, etc). It got to the point where it made me ineffective and downright incompetent because I’m not using my full brain capacity, and people definitely notice. When I have time to get assignments done, and I have time to put in the work, people are usually surprised at how smart I seem on paper compared to how retarded I come off in real life. Cutting definitely helps me snap back into reality. Drugs/alcohol don’t help much, but they’re nice sometimes. Hope someone here can relate.",10.65678571428571,10.605613544117652,10.294495798319328,55.86058823529413,56.941176470588225,13.359663865546224,45.16386554621849,12.540900571622839,6.226618907563026,646,35,91,19,7,211,104,136,0.158,0.667,0.175,0.7096,1,0,2,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,6,10,2,0,3,0,8,6,2,4,0,19,16,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,10,6,17,12,3,22,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,2,10,57,13,8,0.0,0.1923241431009025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347205555149126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103840189981935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248150248840754,0.0,0.0989495298675234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624084048000208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398253874721928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734608544020502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611099964570142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810311059698572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480615568704586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982313520573133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760103003116496,0.0,0.0,0.16122163086997732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610787980806055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439569064708544,0.07930196557364395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359229536144414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932479866173995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480382361272887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506623883554813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344605195882374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631776937680319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475712377268905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477711733421854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245589056467895,0.0,0.0,0.13753427181815928,0.0,0.16053987081547955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893016571982364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401934465447151,0.1787739287802001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817180619721138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GoldieLocks111,2018/11/14,"I have no personality? Mind goes blank When talking to people Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m drunk. I’ve been on this air bnb trip with my bf and his friends. I’m not close with them at all. All I’ve wanted to do is be in my room and not talk at all. Every time I try to talk to people my mind is blank. And I hate being that person with the lame personality so all I want to do is hide. How do I get a personality again? Because I feel like of lost all my charisma and humour and there’s nothing I can do to get it back? I hate myself ",-1.1257575757575748,0.8435639173553753,1.7940165289256207,96.56799449035816,91.64462809917356,4.2184022038567495,14.678236914600554,5.6839178017228535,-1.02658391184573,418,8,105,3,15,146,74,121,0.165,0.752,0.08199999999999999,-0.8542,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,0,2,0,13,1,0,2,5,24,24,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,9,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,15,3,14,20,5,12,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,1,5,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427761052972518,0.0,0.09852348422312758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361738002961524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817211161920338,0.11546303888468867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248690264191594,0.0,0.16888201395283478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191372190048718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896051617949412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642988685009675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788417341047488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263849995903558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508100346946865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240971741933532,0.5644896066041265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092298821817146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897177675121925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424329181428356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097309662436898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906580986302576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwmcthrowerson,2018/11/14,"I’ve acted crazy in so many relationships that I’m not motivated to change, because I already have a ‘reputation’ (even if known only to me) There’s a whole league of people out there who think I’m a psycho. If I ever achieve anything publicly notable, they could publicly air the shitty things I’ve done (stalking, controlling, etc.), and the general public would dislike me and/or think I’m unstable. 

So when I’m tempted to act poorly, it’s hard to disuade myself with thoughts of “you don’t want to look crazy”. It’s more, “People already think you’re crazy, who cares, too late for that”.

Ironically I’m actually a soft-spoken, diffident, gentle person in my day to day life. It’s romantic relationships where I fuck up. There’s probably at least 20 people out there (ex dates and associates) who think I’m unstable and controlling. 

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but how do you become motivated to improve?  Or can anyone relate?

It’s not that I want to be a shithead. Rather, I have a fear-driven belief of abuse or be abused. I have to teach people how to treat me; I have to show that I won’t put up with being treated poorly.  So even when an interaction goes badly - I’ve lashed out at someone I’m dating because it seemed like they were slighting me - I have the sense of “winning” the argument, of showing them they can’t push me around. There’s some part of me that’s terrified of being powerless and abused, so I overcompensate and become controlling or insulting in order to turn the tables.

A normal person, I imagine, is able to withstand perceived provocations much more ably than I am, because they’re not carrying this dysfunctional belief with them and have more positive relationship experiences as reference points. 

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bpd,grossko19,2018/11/14,Having BPD is... having mental breakdowns and serious paranoia from believing that the girl in your class you hate the most (for no apparent reason) and your favorite professor are having an affair. Or maybe he’s just giving her way too much attention. Why not me though?,7.863125,8.931817395833336,7.366666666666667,70.74500000000002,62.54166666666666,10.566666666666666,32.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,3.7293666666666674,217,8,33,5,3,68,43,48,0.17,0.7340000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.4728,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,0,27,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431080647062469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38355274234655706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29213891780152945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300666495615212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059475926024905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069009093237044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238691819619815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31311398239449895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992053164990081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417266979025731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479659536790024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dream-Brother,2018/11/14,"University Students with BPD - How did/do you manage staying interested in the subject or course you are studying? I'm currently choosing what field I would like to pursue at University - for a Sept 2019 enrollment - but I'm having a hard time maintaining an interest in one particular topic, constantly finding that my passions and interests seem to change rapidly, almost on a weekly basis. One day I'm completely convinced that what I'm doing is what I want to do with the rest of my life, the next, I have no interest and I instead become fixated on something else...

​

I've never been diagnosed with BPD, nor am I sure that I have it, but I do understand that  rapidly changing interests is common in those suffering with it. 

​

Thank you :) ",6.255434782608695,8.003228311594203,7.064463768115946,68.99321739130437,66.6086956521739,10.447536231884056,36.98840579710146,10.577609850970193,4.572504927536234,609,32,95,17,10,202,90,138,0.07200000000000001,0.708,0.22,0.9705,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,0,2,11,0,0,7,0,12,3,0,1,2,19,20,7,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,12,10,15,18,1,15,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,3,9,69,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588619144074666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157072978288276,0.3540554413203297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090172636701927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669796428980092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082386604428702,0.0,0.15275183333129186,0.15743773116484855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395716095812943,0.0,0.0,0.14787096689871868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121704217053677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315683523778596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050846177821512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290423950917857,0.07117614130214056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236410923562527,0.0,0.15494158852329798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744487131471813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262952359508834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121582813337107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552847729799315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730987849385914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413058389753185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495225436095027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166707788986522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593097173818152,0.0,0.11686268980021886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349307465187413,0.0,0.3540554413203297,0.0
bpd,iveseenrealfootage,2018/11/14,"coming of age I feel like everything around me is falling apart, but nothing's happening. Life's been the same, same abusive parents, same shitty school routine. Every single thing is the fucking same and sometimes I can even say things are getting better. But I feel worse. I cry all the fucking time, I keep dissociating, it's so fucking irritating, for no apparent reason and self harming is on my mind all the time (more than a year clear). It's like something inside me is very very wrong? And growing up is getting on my nerves. I want the freedom, but I don't want the responsibilities and to be serious. I worried about my future but I feel like I can't do shit. I don't know what to do. ",2.7792986425339343,5.063340911764712,4.107647058823527,84.24595022624437,77.38235294117645,6.2434389140271485,27.373303167420808,7.321109707123232,1.5389486425339367,548,23,105,7,13,180,83,136,0.264,0.574,0.162,-0.9637,2,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,4,0,7,0,14,5,1,1,3,26,28,9,0,2,4,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,1,4,16,4,10,26,8,13,0,0,0,3,3,5,4,0,8,71,21,1,0.0,0.17653003534640832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263362566257755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317704793003969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834260012712675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365967632446074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840718575019766,0.0,0.12553138860920987,0.0,0.1339035519981626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600306017685065,0.21287847695682915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132194847950859,0.15568335227858304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175229666870816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243009418592291,0.0,0.0,0.08188158661877959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052367873631709,0.2183685089148227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043849158460848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296093426263987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543693314640198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318761754984905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118483665904383,0.0,0.1507869005196606,0.0,0.0,0.15543016267066692,0.0,0.15293717548550234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470059212362795,0.14735596172497098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796607136192693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375576304429935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458664456895321,0.1757575673044074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130764715246428,0.15183461230411033,0.0,0.16289832812980948,0.0,0.09594535366992944
bpd,disasterprincess,2018/11/14,"anyone like... want to be hurt/ beaten up all the time? NOT ABUSE (nsfw-ish?) sigh idk its like just nonstop on my head if im feeling really down low or high up??its not necessarily even a sexual thing i just want to feel something a lot and in a way thats lasting. like the kind of sex i like is one where im all sorethe next day. logical next step i want to be all bruised up and pummeled in a way that makes me feel and remember someone cared and wanted to do that for me specifically ?? just regular one day sex session i might and will forget about it tomorrow and cry and genuinely believe i habent gotten sex in a week lmao. but if i have some bruises or my throat hurts from being choked i can remember hey, it did happen. calm down idiot. 

sadly my gf had a rly complex past about abuse but also bdsm in general and i cant force and wont force them to do anything like this to me yet i cant stop bringing it up im always ready if they happen to be..

on the more dark side on the equation when im suicidal i get really really bad say stupid shit and probably its my own fault i ruined any chance of ever getting consenting violence from my parter because every time i want to die and my gf is trying to convince me not to i always ask and want them to kill me or smack me or literally anything cause i just want to feel something. ofc they never do and never will.. sigh

i dont even like pain but i 100%want to be the target of intense safe attention that can still be remembered the next day from the only person in the world who somehow puts up with my shit.. ",1.9989867374005288,3.812074800000001,3.775766578249339,87.95292307692308,77.92307692307692,6.944297082228117,23.514588859416452,7.873277556716777,1.1598084880636603,1230,40,261,20,29,413,170,325,0.212,0.657,0.131,-0.993,0,0,2,0,2,2,27.0,0,0,4,1,15,27,6,0,14,0,23,8,4,2,6,64,43,25,3,10,17,0,4,6,2,4,1,1,0,1,12,14,0,2,10,0,0,3,9,14,2,2,3,5,33,11,37,30,7,43,0,5,0,3,11,19,2,11,25,169,45,2,0.0,0.1937334932542409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537974114354812,0.13605403694080412,0.0,0.0,0.05559645620972006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716525674066044,0.0,0.13455540966095275,0.0,0.07643023629660435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826232037482527,0.049837315710910865,0.0,0.0,0.09211030741745628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335505007193927,0.0839852872027407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980443678317447,0.15817635371664668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484916822838069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958166866511813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799730379758654,0.07395241420961697,0.0688824266663601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535188945152512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542761468119238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459201023672852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390459770283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637903879319775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504163243850834,0.0,0.3532393225479728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045020562655624,0.08513563868204815,0.0,0.06664153961076143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396492696881409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950549334777957,0.0,0.0,0.054572345394240176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672952958984656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610956529739198,0.0,0.26084329562279945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079911130468033,0.0621786441517605,0.08699347958122408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804475302015894,0.0,0.07138563704300516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814611824534724,0.0,0.0,0.08218672945878122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712375356855532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778386963495781,0.0,0.0,0.06501515292902123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784142821419346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927106106364153,0.12587855855143815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528994537989201,0.06835115143380525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942710711364435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054314636140394286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534442929661244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555065307634171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857714910998911,0.12978721717821054,0.06557922770199387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilmeepkin,2018/11/14,"just something I wanted to say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Thank you for coming to my ted talk",11.503999999999998,13.97790606666667,24.08666666666667,-50.90999999999997,55.0,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.254333333333334,81,2,11,1,1,43,14,15,0.0,0.8390000000000001,0.161,0.3612,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44139224522621373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40748567712019146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39447503662911604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118523911488093,0.0,0.4717544381643482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30223023053587306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mentalbudget,2018/11/14,"worried. I'm self aware and I know the steps I have to take to get better, this post isn't for advice. I guess it's for just reassuring myself that others feel this way too. I know it's not rational to think that other people can't understand but when my mind is cloudy, I think otherwise. I hate that someone else could feel the same way I do but I also take comfort in it. If nobody thought the way I did, how would I have a chance at a relationship? I need someone who can understand or really want to understand. I've never felt whole in a relationship and I'm starting to think I never will. I know this thought will pass but it will come up again. It always does. Rationality fades when it senses loneliness inflate. 

I do fine on my own, I accomplish things, I work on myself but something is missing. And I don't want to force it. And when I'm playing games or talking to some of my online friends, I get depressed. Because I want someone different then the majority of men I meet. I lose hope. 

I only talk to my therapist so this is one of the only other outlets I have at the moment. I would like to hear other perspectives. Or just how you are doing today. Or anything on your mind. ",1.4778518991382086,3.8190773485477214,3.4482365145228218,86.84996728375359,82.56846473029046,6.363293967443348,22.96217682732205,7.61054688173877,1.170997957229492,935,33,189,16,26,315,127,241,0.087,0.769,0.14300000000000002,0.8562,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,0,4,11,12,1,0,9,0,21,0,0,2,2,48,53,21,0,9,12,0,3,1,1,5,0,1,0,2,20,5,0,0,14,2,0,3,6,4,0,1,4,4,32,8,22,43,5,26,0,3,0,0,14,8,0,8,12,137,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072250380377198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774952901587121,0.09130257671142256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902968841553098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688923670477498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970455953311342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452104979666112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760896627142599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450865937947182,0.0,0.0,0.11464251932671984,0.0,0.0,0.09602380751266222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166375495352223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096365760609607,0.0,0.10535619217596613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477566471695383,0.0,0.11465681604283486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208778827714576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833379042389513,0.0,0.0,0.12367155348718548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898477075767518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809110969831624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360761141069738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227576864569797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158821997245604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813620023637682,0.16925816416045014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435460635287514,0.16690634265996535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607165462978867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105089196642095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029463628789105,0.0,0.0,0.2356138486457943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447034835779388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789168116810773,0.08447405903484141,0.0,0.0,0.0776661202223049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650037640700652,0.1763905949580041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740279168581387,0.07289847981385512,0.21092802460203106,0.0,0.1742237233806285,0.0,0.0,0.10400941703325683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34269249329499746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416144469799387,0.26129119618254515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250751493138068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988337010937542,0.11143422088182282,0.0,0.15589540056926662,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,puppytoday,2018/11/14,He said 'if' our relationship goes that far Cue my fear of abandonment ,5.359230769230769,7.251840307692312,5.818461538461538,76.50153846153847,69.0,11.353846153846154,28.384615384615394,11.20814326018867,3.503984615384616,56,2,11,2,1,18,13,13,0.375,0.625,0.0,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172271755663897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888953538508349,0.0,0.0,0.5217594042805908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madexistentialcrisis,2018/11/14,"I’m confused because affection and relationships are all I want, but it literally destroys me. BPD has made me never take interest in myself as a person. I prefer to distract myself. Investing myself in another person has always felt easy/natural for me.


When I’m hurting, overwhelmed with anger, or self hatred, all I want is some rough sex and hair pets and someone who loves me afterwards.


However, relationships, (and their endings bc hello....BPD) literally wreck me. I remember overanalyzing words of my ex wondering if he meant what he said/how it implies he doesn’t care about me etc. I loved him so much it ached. When he didn’t show me enough affection, I wanted to curl up in a ball but I’d maintain a calm disposition because I didn’t want to overwhelm him. When we didn’t have sex I would cry the next morning getting ready for work feeling boring/worthless/ugly/naked/unwanted, and it caused overwhelming desires for self harm. 

When we swallow our intense emotions; they eat us from the inside out, but it’s also unfair to our partners when we share every moment we need affection/reassurance. Let’s be real it’s 24/7. 

As people w BPD, it seems our relationships are huge triggers but also our biggest solace. My body aches from emotional pain and I want to be held, but I know my pattern. I’ll get obsessed with the individual and have to internalize it and make sure I’m acting normal. I’ll want their love constantly while choking on anxiety and the fear that they don’t want me anymore.


I really want/need some love but I know that it’ll  set me on a downward spiral, so what do I do now? Because the thought of being alone scares me. And the thought of a relationship is NOT good for me.


TL; DR I guess we always pick pain over loneliness.",3.5863191244239623,5.933797244047621,4.897215821812598,79.25692396313366,75.07142857142857,7.787864823348695,28.398233486943163,8.654491914285503,2.442023924731183,1398,59,251,29,31,463,190,336,0.218,0.623,0.159,-0.9836,1,1,0,0,0,0,49.0,10,0,4,1,11,24,2,8,11,0,21,13,2,7,4,67,53,30,0,13,9,1,4,0,1,2,3,0,1,5,14,18,2,1,11,2,1,1,7,14,0,0,9,4,47,10,28,38,7,26,0,4,0,6,36,11,0,8,13,158,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886460487201074,0.0,0.13689354363100245,0.1424364712704889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974920677506974,0.06547657465029419,0.0,0.08488287621867734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565257058240175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507186146726808,0.3233950929921055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726532091060032,0.0879251231112072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092493031872202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940172549631475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758055141247467,0.0,0.19255580941119504,0.07580786687376358,0.08843796950430398,0.09545614373971437,0.0,0.0,0.07211377190647712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631322048860123,0.04327717901827224,0.0,0.08218039830064668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894351116500736,0.0,0.0,0.07178933437604276,0.0,0.0,0.09428769535734377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162650741783904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407671063289587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752218733639734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089954323527553,0.08098789511773671,0.05713239005390109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291893910576933,0.0634643453099088,0.06601274713454915,0.0,0.09102657399584478,0.0,0.08386061529511125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214886575518693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933774510779428,0.1494688208954141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974208408510664,0.054831529967308286,0.0,0.0,0.3675690916110522,0.09695746479428913,0.0,0.08141626055327916,0.0,0.08569112189890266,0.0,0.0,0.07791846758913673,0.1785793246199582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252063754168928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066812748084304,0.0,0.06435347924180776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589875151266062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295495318484156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038684271671457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281935453897104,0.062310976104962335,0.0,0.0,0.06080110645335075,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AliceLostInLaLaLand,2018/11/14,How to deal when you’re not your FP’s favorite person? Yeah I know you have to accept it but beyond that. Its just impossible to deal with and causes me to spiral.,0.6902941176470598,3.0271859705882385,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,86.35294117647058,4.576470588235295,14.382352941176471,5.985473137389443,-0.7185058823529409,129,2,27,1,4,43,29,34,0.053,0.845,0.10300000000000001,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069824179733013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8168811923119619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772825452814348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345926056098295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,finedontunbanme,2018/11/14,I am so ready to cut myself If she goes to sleep without writing me yet again I don't think I can not do it this time. I feel like I'm the lowest of the low priorities of things in her life.,1.639015151515153,1.8259291136363665,3.807272727272729,93.88924242424244,76.04545454545455,6.775757575757575,21.484848484848484,6.42735559955562,0.002948484848484868,147,3,39,1,3,51,36,44,0.156,0.728,0.11699999999999999,-0.1952,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,6,7,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,7,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350816906828898,0.33214483180349397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283925696759749,0.2271404565381915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652640115686132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088776677439318,0.29790724702477445,0.0,0.0,0.2711033990671605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481742380923265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Seigi,2018/11/14,"I don't know what to do anymore I struggle with a lot of things. I've struggled with semi-abusive parents, being trans, getting heart broken, friends leaving. Everything that up until now seems meaningless.

I feel like I'm at my end point. My partner, who also struggles with bpd, is going to leave me. She tells me that she's had enough. That she doesn't have enough patience for me anymore. She says i drag things on and keep asking for more. I just make her angry at me and she always comes close to leaving me. Whenever we have issues, she eithet alludes to leaving by saying I don't need her, or straight up tells me she is. I have nightmares of her leaving me. I haven't had real nightmares where i wake up with my heart beating or sweating in years. But now they happen frequently. And just now she told me if i ever do anything again she's gone. 

I don't know what to do about this. I feel like she's already gone. I know I'm going to fuck up somehow even if I try my best. Sometimes i say certain things without thinking about it, and things spiral out of control. I know it sounds cliche, but i can't live without her. Before i met her i was constantly depressed. I skipped and failed all of my classes. Being with her has been the best part of my life. She motivates me to improve.  Ive been going to school and getting good grades. I've been becoming more confident with my looks and presenting myself as female. I've lost weight and go to the gym. I try painting again. I finally have a future in mind when I'm with her.

Now it seems like its falling apart. And I can't deal with this. I know it in my heart that I can't. I wonder if i should just off myself now without telling her. Or tell her she can go, and off myself in a few months so she wont blame herself. I dont know what to do. How can i change so she wont leave? How can i stop being so emotional and thinning her patience? How can i be a better person for her? 

I apologize for the long post. thank you for reading",0.9986253735397989,3.2700541980440114,2.408945395273026,93.97994892692205,84.03667481662592,4.8091496875848945,22.536321651725068,6.079149491110277,0.326129214887259,1553,55,329,12,45,501,187,409,0.08900000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.9457,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,1,1,8,24,17,1,3,7,0,38,8,5,6,3,66,74,29,0,5,14,1,4,3,2,3,1,4,0,2,19,23,1,3,13,2,0,9,14,7,0,0,11,9,82,10,50,56,10,50,0,3,1,1,46,20,1,11,23,246,101,6,0.0,0.08614717654339345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802351659513185,0.0581446192710027,0.0604989408021437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421374126061848,0.0,0.0,0.0598325484985647,0.0,0.06797223287411837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030035363987828,0.061869214453906675,0.0,0.15260527261313755,0.06430438152478297,0.0,0.0,0.0915732719863057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691549990764515,0.0626315664045138,0.0,0.07857159630444321,0.08154828574758423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495883009705967,0.06262335626255451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521331941204374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178679526927013,0.06439777129304435,0.15025374987118809,0.0,0.0480229961282522,0.06576861414835994,0.0,0.0,0.06534532727610354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735267721295393,0.10388532297465378,0.0,0.07964813942844429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617407641609001,0.06721744137941986,0.07597393388208645,0.0,0.2066083656627302,0.06098408156143874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429550834703142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25847824779331424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588833748941555,0.0,0.06462627552929362,0.0,0.0,0.23975073083487106,0.0,0.0,0.4619241030573882,0.0,0.0,0.051355861805865176,0.10656447472005542,0.0,0.0642025600485789,0.06434435613023556,0.061056468863539215,0.0,0.07936944997657785,0.06181380313324584,0.0,0.0,0.04853320294901296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341442643474075,0.0,0.05803488975555472,0.0,0.0,0.05391211444237009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073371003746667,0.0787357571153646,0.0,0.0,0.06348588438382224,0.0,0.0,0.06873262979286078,0.0,0.06963423504124985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272774828880155,0.08275770427296264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346113250604414,0.0,0.07358445101995274,0.0,0.13238139687178882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191014279543043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607872042216773,0.0,0.22803079182492586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25420024024356913,0.06693982447600944,0.0,0.0,0.19321605035372166,0.046588397003823404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947567906368937,0.0,0.09872801702310126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853884457753211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102639617497622,0.0788488030552587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046821614831166466
bpd,ohliin,2018/11/14,"Venting about hurtful comments. It feels like whenever I stumble across a discussion of BPD elsewhere online, everyone seems to share the same opinion: pwBPD are inherently toxic, terrible, and abusive, there is no cure, run far away.

I know there is some truth to the stereotype ... I've met people who have had untreated Cluster B PDs for decades, and they've been horribly manipulative and abusive towards me.  I know they're that way because of the pain they are in.  I feel like I can probably empathize with them more than most other people could.  But at the same time, I feel lucky to have been diagnosed as early as I was.

It still hurts when I read statements like, ""There's no such thing as BPD, it's just called being a dick,"" and see multiple people agreeing with those statements.  Like, I know I'm difficult to handle and be around, but at least I'm *trying.*  I usually react in the same way I react to racism/sexism - hold my head high, ignore them, and don't get involved.  It's so hard not to start an argument, though.",4.658769230769232,6.377400928205128,5.031794871794872,82.14153846153849,70.48717948717949,8.071794871794872,29.41025641025641,8.648137234880735,2.3008564102564097,811,32,150,14,15,257,128,195,0.16,0.769,0.071,-0.9468,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,3,0,11,13,0,0,8,0,15,4,2,3,1,36,28,14,0,1,4,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,9,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,5,5,16,7,24,20,7,19,0,2,1,1,10,10,1,5,10,99,25,1,0.0,0.327035297067188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285693220573465,0.0,0.0,0.1296636423838445,0.0,0.0,0.08412877440433075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34763405382613843,0.0,0.14092223231719134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018865399490003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007584524376124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187315158317114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934391639924887,0.1971867728179312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210380837024795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236286167491409,0.0,0.1416366606213933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458136852724778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954821662588278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275377865726188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696961645193142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468509030620661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870334026605866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879663542667051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804596808042402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997500289072107,0.1256378653057983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768321226149504,0.0,0.1102138629936982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168679543686098,0.0,0.13559276941227252,0.0,0.08047393673379859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936987945267732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519969983067266,0.0,0.0,0.21908963913482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Prettykittieslove,2018/11/14,"My personality is stolen i don't know who I am everytime im hanging out with friends I don't know what to do I constantly overthink every word I say fearing it's ""out of character"" for who I am around them and they'll hate me and I'll make them not like me because of what I said. I don't know what to say when I'm around them and I'm so jealous of how their personality and conversation flows. My personality is stolen from YouTubers, I don't know who I am or what I'm doing, I can't make up my mind about my religion, sexuality, the way I dress, I have no hobbies because I give up and go onto the next",1.554545454545455,2.936688393939395,4.286969696969699,85.70045454545456,77.93939393939394,7.527272727272727,25.63636363636364,8.296473431620573,1.4448090909090912,476,18,112,9,11,170,69,132,0.179,0.7959999999999999,0.025,-0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,6,5,2,1,2,0,14,0,0,3,0,21,27,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,3,8,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,1,3,25,2,16,25,0,14,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,1,4,75,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316162787623168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649887684361604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918979129732176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961648510560555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982376649766434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719573655697925,0.0,0.0,0.17034827139992748,0.1009212388147528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753207624008563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181389360997705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903672323074479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675527059689475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706837569480615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930239269118536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888554112815776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651607943400866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891662178233252,0.2824331003017372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095254904343393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,XiRw,2018/11/14,Why are needy people frowned upon? I know there are a variety of reasons why but I'm curious what everyone thinks is one of the main reasons why.,1.035,3.637595862068967,3.106465517241382,85.70383620689658,90.3793103448276,7.037931034482759,27.9396551724138,8.07648339933343,2.5416827586206896,116,6,22,3,4,39,23,29,0.059000000000000004,0.838,0.10300000000000001,0.3071,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542739945742226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624392509976236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803191124860224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844831668274483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471989342725581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705088452048424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7203530307579334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alex-Blaine-Layder,2018/11/14,"Calm Cutting I can be feeling suicidal, hysterical, or on the verge of refusing to do anything/feeling completely overwhelmed, but even by cutting minimally, I feel way better afterwards. Does cutting calm anyone else down? Anyone know why it seems to have this effect on me? ",6.6922340425531885,9.454042851063836,7.069095744680853,65.30875,67.29787234042553,9.806382978723407,39.40957446808511,10.125756701596842,5.060025531914893,222,13,30,6,4,72,39,47,0.19,0.603,0.207,0.4416,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,8,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,3,7,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38997375752807867,0.2857271972093696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466308843999908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923816281350354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440341211725717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23295351916253745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418580080866656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42300320150958975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325532874344822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538656014910303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30502989905377753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213477715656754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516296898368868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mountaintopjoba,2018/11/14,"How to handle a crush Hi everyone

 I have a crush on someone and I can already feel myself obsessing over our interactions and stuff and I just don’t want to be like this this time around especially after my previous relationship 

I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope with the extreme rush/feelings? ",3.7445000000000017,6.4258297833333335,5.223333333333333,75.42500000000003,76.16666666666666,8.666666666666666,28.33333333333333,9.2995712137729,3.034333333333333,257,11,44,7,6,86,48,60,0.099,0.833,0.067,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,12,9,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,9,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928299283544973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33068863575837404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378300383036016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953327833346425,0.0,0.0,0.2667660737004379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863434911058537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30304004084676084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640156157490014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217288969112057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539058397682044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430456194025312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473752398231238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675063890742335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249747514617776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,creepingforresearch,2018/11/14,"I had a vicious depressive episode in front of a New love interest last weekend. I’m so ashamed that I want to ghost him so that we don’t have to address it directly. (RANT) Backstory: we started seeing each other a month ago, and he promised me last weekend that we would go to his hometown for his sister’s bday party and introduce me to his family. 
Well, that didn’t happen and we didn’t speak the whole weekend. He didn’t apologize or anything. It felt like I made the whole thing up before I re-read his texts.

None the less, we went on a walk and I told him calmly, how I was disappointed in his broken promise...and he basically made a joke out of it. Like in the moment, I felt silly for being so upset. Like things come up, it’s not his fault, and  I’m so blessed to have someone like him in my life. We head back to his place, have some wine, and things went extremely south....


He wasn’t very affectionate that night. And it made me angry. I don’t know why nor how, but we had sex. I remember in the moment enjoying his attention and physical intimacy, but afterwards i felt alone.

Maybe it’s my period, or my chemical imbalance.
Ok I’m done.

TLDR: I’m an idiot that always wounds up in shitty situationships ",2.666598639455781,4.462565673469391,4.420408163265306,84.15006802721089,75.93877551020408,8.095238095238095,25.136054421768705,8.841846274778883,1.8652176870748296,950,33,196,21,21,321,133,245,0.11199999999999999,0.738,0.15,0.3968,0,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,7,0,0,0,8,22,2,2,11,1,15,6,1,5,0,37,36,19,1,2,5,1,3,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,16,18,1,0,6,5,0,6,9,7,1,0,17,5,34,15,21,17,6,34,1,2,1,2,27,13,0,3,19,125,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470440114883824,0.0,0.0,0.1340183336224742,0.0,0.0,0.10767032937366787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648434697683416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949983945865584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010901364584197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146577600452473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114511643654243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324200977599842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198585581299172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727299816191018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354043058378018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144271035027276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328006999830432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111430330929439,0.21095490236665107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139833660873188,0.25287125009707523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678764462368825,0.3673213720402012,0.0,0.0,0.12999868239713688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328504288332377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497435523860068,0.0,0.12143219062388765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519440809594085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943401172046642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465838359588713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311424528402788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963934813681188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915892743305707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257900826519023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236462845310114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676772223373986,0.07632287957719376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634523626334592,0.2399083286166086,0.1167624658235516,0.2889387125426239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192133306481412,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,achristinax,2018/11/14,"Advice for those looking to move on post-split Hi everyone, 

I wanted to share something on here because I figured it would be most useful in this forum. A few months ago I posted to this subreddit in search of answers after being split from a guy I really liked and was hoping to reconnect with. Unfortunately, my split appears to be permanent. I struggled with that for a bit because I had no idea he had BPD until long after it was over and I really wished I could have helped him. The guilt of that and the anger I felt from the unfairness of the situation (I mean, why did my perfect guy have to have a disorder that prevented him from being with me? That's some shitty luck, right?)  kept me from moving on and beginning new relationships. However, I did find something that truly helped and now I want to share it incase it can help someone, who at point was like me, on this page looking for some solace. 

​

I would never abandon someone I care about. It makes my heart hurt that people fear it so much that they do not give others a chance to show that. This made me not want to let go of my BPD boy even more as I thought it would be evidentiary of his fear. However, there's a healthy way to not abandon someone but still move on with your life. You can do this by scraping up whatever spare change is in your apartment, skipping that meal out, etc. and instead donating to [https://www.familiesforbpdresearch.org/donate.html](https://www.familiesforbpdresearch.org/donate.html). I promise you, the moment I submitted my donation I was filled with a wave of relief. I finally got the resolve I needed to move forward. This is not some lame ad either, I am just saying it because it really helped me and I wish someone had recommended it to me sooner. I know my donation will go towards research so that one day that boy might be able to live happier. If you truly care about someone, enough so that you are on here too, then you should want that for them as well. And the only real way that you can facilitate that is by donating. 

​

That's all enjoy your nights!",7.174182407510897,7.601675753213367,6.9618710182184005,75.27340225774003,63.96143958868897,9.64439476919638,31.565999776461386,9.43228470229965,2.7074881189225444,1664,57,302,28,23,526,201,389,0.064,0.777,0.159,0.9877,2,0,2,0,0,0,64.0,0,9,2,2,15,23,1,4,14,0,36,4,1,3,3,62,62,17,0,14,8,0,1,2,0,6,2,1,0,4,35,14,1,4,9,1,4,9,6,9,1,1,14,4,49,14,56,34,13,45,0,4,2,0,30,18,0,9,19,232,84,1,0.0792825146714457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747395575559415,0.07027916562303342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180514304525332,0.19267386645895648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498965521005108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655597202994736,0.0,0.1997071036253739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166761522031065,0.0,0.08387038803609978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330063668821559,0.0,0.0,0.05113066308428978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086463052842553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192003120766972,0.08842096124493955,0.052365353209285814,0.0,0.0,0.07575784034609101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842974171299605,0.0,0.0,0.0761236472431682,0.08685011952386748,0.0724627820858442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605501237386515,0.09011616030810037,0.0,0.06340946957830469,0.0,0.0,0.15700430860786296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939501616160881,0.2125655935223444,0.0,0.0,0.0787454260892259,0.0,0.0,0.08487357171575341,0.08950030876320891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357159664654378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810717428062644,0.05599958477495512,0.07746686390793232,0.0,0.07000791297788972,0.0701625306089891,0.1331546890249122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501903235312965,0.052921694182005874,0.0,0.0,0.08636190094281393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410621915450102,0.0,0.0,0.06328254681143715,0.3370590642063303,0.058281770646568865,0.0587869800437813,0.06114756292661262,0.07657154671030153,0.0,0.0744012692743168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053723883788978605,0.06029792501457235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054964513073614746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494760273794747,0.0,0.1518614666879672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024085884749301,0.1523712271300249,0.0,0.0,0.08511975010429992,0.0,0.06770683433711416,0.0,0.06304863783386436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911686829785287,0.0,0.0,0.3358790869981568,0.12207110637458585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331511863001578,0.0,0.0,0.08288329841405889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294146070630167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847463720289469,0.0,0.0,0.1870515251693727,0.12586153969779312,0.0,0.0,0.07128450213686903,0.0,0.07154013788467678,0.0,0.1823419583215062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896007108836694,0.0,0.19267386645895648,0.0
bpd,youvegotlimes,2018/11/14,"being sensitive to abuse a sign of bpd So, I have never abused anyone I had any legitimate power over, or gone along with the abuse of others. For a long time, I thought my reactions to other people (or me) being hurt was the definition of me having bpd. I'd be bullied and rejected by someone and be crazy hurt and unable to reign in my feelings without reassurance. Or even just the sight or someone being bullied and rejected would set it off. Does anyone else have a difficult time differentiating between being sensitive to hurting others, and being deliberately hurt, versus their actual bpd symptoms? This is just a shot in the dark, but to me I would never be afraid of abandonment or do any of my other stuff (suicide/self injury), if this was not the underlying dynamic. Tips from those further in the recovery process appreciated, even if you can not relate to this particular perspective. ",9.562407975460124,8.719407533742334,10.020053680981595,59.51388420245402,59.5521472392638,12.812576687116563,39.39340490797546,11.93303328291395,4.9869760736196325,720,31,113,19,8,244,98,163,0.19899999999999998,0.765,0.036000000000000004,-0.9719,2,2,0,0,3,1,20.0,0,1,1,1,5,11,0,1,10,0,19,1,0,0,2,29,22,14,0,4,14,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,5,2,12,2,24,7,0,14,0,7,1,0,3,7,0,7,5,97,22,0,0.0,0.4265213022087629,0.11709724561691574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320064230121226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678057785229556,0.12294846472957377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533863184180196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500792655664837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023994150405684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851036692050716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067278475091455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138260384017578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619128669345088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850941899896021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318902290303593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518035104663094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334176724911998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736490377704758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247201485945405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526216686818212,0.13993942385782165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156703399558288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048118792142414,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emxelizabeth,2018/11/14,Okay so anyone who is single and BPD do u ever feel like u need to be with someone??? Like idk I guess not need but I’ve been single for like idk 7 months? And I dont mind it but I wanna talk to someone and get to know someone and feel loved and valid ??? But also know that if I get into a relationship it’ll just be shitty??? Idk y’all. I just need to vent ,-1.0304305555555544,0.7886222625000023,1.7416666666666671,98.40777777777781,88.875,4.055555555555556,13.888888888888893,5.033348758259628,-1.2779027777777778,271,4,68,1,9,94,49,80,0.11199999999999999,0.7120000000000001,0.175,0.7359,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,1,25,18,11,0,5,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,6,5,8,14,2,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,5,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172491483408687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266179337422068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389549896000429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222359072819142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161927458681162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186372495422274,0.13554127603258392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982494475394873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900609581057647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853840919075406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780736386952833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123636518686106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157056556666466,0.0,0.15143858221045173,0.0,0.0,0.4220413380386601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369619940096068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822661725107648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524956788810599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hum4n01d,2018/11/14,"Anyone else not have ""unstable relationships"" in the conventional sense, but go through friends quickly and then just cut them out of your life without the devaluation and anger? I've never previously identified with the unstable relationships symptom, because my relationship with my SO is stable and I've never had big fights or messy history with friends.

But I realized I have had soooooo many friends that I considered one of my absolute best friends at the time and then I just cut them out of my life quite quick. I would talk to them all the time and update them about my day and thoughts, and would make them feel good and valued by me. But once I got bored or once the new friendship feel wore off or once circumstances changed, things change. I talk to them less and less and reply less and less and just don't care. And I don't ""think"" I would do it to my current friends I do this with but I know I will. It's actually pretty manipulative since I act like we'll be friends for a long time or I tell them this is different or whatever, but then it's all the same.",5.9217151269782855,6.469041296650717,5.867559808612441,81.62984173721019,66.6555023923445,9.875745307324255,32.344865660655124,9.851270322608157,2.8201907250644087,857,34,177,18,13,269,111,209,0.08,0.6709999999999999,0.249,0.9925,2,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,1,7,2,7,15,4,0,8,0,16,3,0,2,4,50,26,27,0,3,15,0,2,1,6,5,3,0,0,0,7,19,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,5,2,30,10,20,15,8,23,1,0,0,0,22,6,0,5,16,124,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.10756828959810116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707517151788812,0.1129433573778459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671950040185408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567927298449415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238652894227598,0.0,0.2332168203155346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108903955476129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151665787554825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208277274326812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147090004424193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5109791720129041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626460806317425,0.0924554453179098,0.0881607634066369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060579362179677465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557169986453849,0.05385266511658426,0.0,0.0,0.09754981869689666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357918290258865,0.11175561791343044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003188526623428,0.10646053433502987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521731095288447,0.07469449972542143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214323655306678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172428579053739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550363470984521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911831496547664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457086793165087,0.0,0.17719692017639327,0.09634561925787724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732317168703441,0.07063074299637691,0.0,0.08751007164543374,0.19282747931974026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625750042819088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234912055745796,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whoframedrogerreddit,2018/11/14,I'm an abusive shit and want to die. I hit my boyfriend tonight. He kicked me out. I'm sitting in the cold.  I want to freeze to death. Or something. I hate myself and my mind. I fuck everything up. I'm no fucking good for anyone. Everyone hates me. Fuck this hurts.,-1.5458181818181806,-0.016264490909087215,0.3054545454545448,101.77818181818184,112.0909090909091,3.454545454545455,19.545454545454547,5.565023196281405,-0.2431818181818181,203,8,47,2,11,65,40,55,0.461,0.447,0.092,-0.9849,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,11,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,9,1,7,10,0,5,0,1,0,3,1,3,4,1,1,23,10,0,0.0,0.2515318942750335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843984974582794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032609492193106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285457820119632,0.19079480734346635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887829771171916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806087409080845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191897788989595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22726350846558305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435490388874012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791519714735216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343313564011658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504312297366158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sawahaa,2018/11/14,"Addicted to falling for people who use me I get bored with my life/current relationship: 

Find guy 
Go on date with guy 
Let guy make all the decisions
Have a great conversation with guy 
Get sexually excited by guy 
Guy suggests going to his place (after you already said you weren’t going back to his house because you weren’t comfortable)
Go to guys house 
Really start to like guy (cause the conversation was amazing and it felt like he understood me) 
Begin to engage in sexual acts with guy 
Thoughts settle in mid way:
Guy is using me for sex 
But maybe Guy actually does like me and felt the same about the conversation .... 

.... few days later 

No texts or call from guy until following Saturday (1 week)
Guy wants to Netflix and chill 
I go Netflix and chill with guy 

.... next three “hang outs”:

Netflix and chill 
Netflix and chill
Netflix and chill


Thoughts/anxiety kick in: 

Guy doesn’t want to be seen with me in public so guy brings me to his house to Netflix and chill
Guy only wants to have sex 
Guy doesn’t like me 
Start to obsess with why guy doesn’t like me
Start to obsess with guy 


Couple days later:

Text guy saying:
Guy, what do you really want from me? 
I can’t do this
I’m not that type of girl 

Regret: I shouldn’t have trusted you so easily 

Mistrust: barges into my thoughts, and my body with full force 

Behavior: leave guys house abruptly and say this isn’t going to work 


Four days later:

Guy messages saying he’s confused and likes my company 
I hesitate 
But quickly give guy back all trust 

Guy: come over to Netflix and chill?
Me: sure, I’d love to.



And this is how my BPD manifests itself in my life. 

Seems like I’m forever chasing men who are emotionally unavailable and love in the same way that my mother does which is actually not showing at all.


Anyway, I’m gonna smoke a blunt, listen to “sex money feelings die” by lykke li and practice radical acceptance through her song lyrics.

Sorry for the rant and weird structure. I just had this ah-ha moment.



 
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bpd,CanaryButt,2018/11/14,"God, depression just makes the storm bigger. RIP Going through a depressive cycle with my BP and I feel it just intensifies my BPD symptoms sometimes. And I'm sure others who've had comorbid depression would get what I mean.

In the morning I thought I was doing better after having a meltdown last night. Then in class something on the computer for my assignment wasn't working and just went 0-100 with anger and I had to hold it in so much my face was going tingly and numb.

At lunch break I just raced out of there to get to first aid (private room) to calm down and get a counsellor because I was gonna smash my head off a wall or jump from the 4th floor to hurt myself. Break my legs or body or something. It felt so unbearable holding it in. I wanted to fucking scream and destroy something. But that'd be illegal. The anger I was experiencing and then subsequent sadness when I started talking. It was so intense. I tried my DBT skills the whole time so fucking hard. I felt insane.

Then later... I calmed down.. Got some work done and managed to socialize with my peers like I could when not depressed. One hung out with me to help me film some stuff.

Now on my commute back to my dorm, I feel so on edge again. I'm tired and want to sleep. But I want to cry. But I want to scream.

Daylio can't even keep up lmfao",2.112263986013989,4.3369857916666685,3.030606060606061,91.41975524475524,79.3409090909091,6.031235431235431,23.79020979020979,7.1686216300943375,0.8687458041958043,1035,36,216,13,26,328,157,264,0.17600000000000002,0.721,0.102,-0.978,0,0,3,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,5,16,19,5,0,10,0,16,11,5,1,1,46,41,26,0,6,11,0,5,1,0,2,3,2,2,0,9,16,1,3,6,1,0,4,3,14,0,2,14,8,30,5,35,22,4,39,0,6,0,2,3,18,2,5,16,141,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360104724054327,0.0,0.07420404416985597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765821225057252,0.0,0.1352119750009478,0.15331171093188392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971896215765344,0.0,0.13371210504920522,0.0,0.0,0.4193753781931001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456964647847366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039996322943012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309831231283486,0.0,0.2337552623689944,0.0,0.0,0.10354147490313402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507049751118569,0.19079301531505316,0.0,0.1383612547439841,0.0,0.09735671985478617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090440625441847,0.0,0.12492768491204526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159147630846071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303119644361899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819712627537248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922427960423892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946997993887849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125415003441451,0.0,0.0,0.1325970939692746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948382718249835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423315125882227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248580438124706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181555789738953,0.1240860072510116,0.0,0.28113567069816425,0.120391756089836,0.0,0.08615945553263947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934903347018884,0.0,0.0,0.11472686731886753,0.1265216345880885,0.0,0.09784007221655544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663815512077772,0.07098037025022425,0.1399080241087794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826450823390222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871924817449637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284274890500573,0.0,0.13590457145190474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723835451122408,0.0,0.0,0.08647182835092397,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwmeawayyy98765,2018/11/14,"Made (and immediately lost) my first friend in 4 years. I impulsively moved an hour away from my home town 5 years ago with my SO at the time(have since broken up as implied, totally different story). I made a couple of friends at my first job in that new town, all have since disintegrated for one reason or another. I moved to a town about 15 minutes from where I originally was and I realized I had a Facebook friend that lived in the same town. Her and I were never really close, however we had the same mutual friends and interest. I noticed she lived here shortly after I moved here about 6 months ago but never had the guts to message her. On Thursday, I messaged her. I told her that I know we never really knew each other in high school but I don’t know anyone here and that if she’s ever bored we should hang out sometime. So she’s really responsive to that, and the next couple of days we are sending each other walls of text getting to know each other. She opens up and tells me that she has anxiety and depression. I relate and tell her I have BPD. Conversation ends. I send a text Saturday, no response. Send a text Monday, no response... It’s really messed me up. I keep looking at my phone hoping she’ll message and she’s just tell me she was busy or responded but never sent it.  However, in the same thought process I’m also very understanding of why she’d quit texting me because why would she want to be friends with me? I just feel like garbage. No real point to this post, I’m just upset. ",3.2482274247491634,5.067761675585288,4.505169230769232,84.06483076923078,74.38461538461539,7.860923076923077,26.006822742474927,8.608573733854374,1.8321701939799329,1187,42,238,23,25,391,158,299,0.091,0.8190000000000001,0.09,-0.297,4,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,4,0,0,4,13,13,0,1,12,0,16,1,1,4,7,59,35,20,0,5,9,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,12,22,0,1,9,0,0,8,8,5,0,3,13,2,47,8,33,17,8,56,0,2,1,0,38,25,0,4,23,163,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839382270677028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595806276034835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959820894530974,0.07266191866616754,0.0,0.0,0.066414489921042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923988069445259,0.0,0.0,0.05790090153867535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962806581098635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101942970349772,0.0,0.06125633207200181,0.0,0.08180892548430542,0.0,0.0,0.09923726971170883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412695817483966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591777852836747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802638010192156,0.06785604567818619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158539094749244,0.0,0.0,0.3669190782753909,0.0,0.04962482264325402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003550080662832,0.09527593424128596,0.09433978905614847,0.09353935854346804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425620960625128,0.08442546798255086,0.0,0.0,0.1566009141337393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640401330507004,0.0,0.16774388229512574,0.0,0.07976199951101663,0.0,0.10368542675421433,0.0,0.0,0.17975087668892445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581471602378767,0.3028564571546462,0.0,0.0,0.2930277210644735,0.09173540512902542,0.10101575336632608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813904835421892,0.0,0.0,0.06436310165096346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978986315408846,0.0,0.09096768818589412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102636752308028,0.0,0.10811172166713268,0.24339478307197504,0.09765859021908614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612810985498713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571422354164949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394085313557032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490586151074776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540608287762876,0.05538549111460015,0.0,0.0,0.09076055629569403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888090266746084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783711205000096,0.05602357591891893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714152009144212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747336853710195,0.0,0.0,0.1223321849029718
bpd,Char-litnight,2018/11/14,"Looking for useful coping strategies to deal with fear of abandonment and self harm Every time my partner and I get into an argument I either run away (at night) to hide at the park because I feel like I don’t deserve to be safe at home, or I take a bunch of pills or self harm. I know it’s super immature and I’ve had this problem for many years. Sometimes it’s better than others but it’s been really bad lately. He’s super supportive of me and tries to help me calm down often but lately it’s been too stressful for him to bear. And he’s voiced that he shouldn’t be scared to give me space during an argument so he can calm down. Looking for ways that I can calm down during these times so I don’t escalate the problem. ",3.993046357615897,4.552055754966887,5.068536423841064,85.61843377483444,70.9205298013245,7.894304635761589,25.69602649006623,7.908726449838941,1.322369006622516,573,16,120,7,10,189,90,151,0.2,0.625,0.175,-0.6474,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,4,18,0,3,5,0,10,1,0,1,0,21,19,11,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,3,9,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,3,4,13,9,23,13,2,17,0,1,2,0,11,9,0,3,7,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502355416981758,0.0,0.13776866133752586,0.10058287254882096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459296775907014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010843816955604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902017481088322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856716185403397,0.0834292928158666,0.1178765064574523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620603615040802,0.158283670760171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059646619554288,0.0,0.1655091180982733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068004912279018,0.0,0.3722558690736597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061098932803308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771180005097809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728477417904036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484194456592526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157667009050107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057036496591676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651944480393511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442633531702177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318987454368306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900770173340475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724079677440733,0.0,0.0,0.1240599638233749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242642673232307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120246190984501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250759538590982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096984596467853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625501706994588
bpd,friedamercury,2018/11/25,"How's everyone holding up after the holiday? The holiday season is a tough one for me. Now that I've moved out of my home state it's been even harder. I traveled back home for Thanksgiving and went through a weird state of disillusion after realizing that I felt like I didn't belong there anymore. I experienced a lot of anxiety and fought a lot with my boyfriend. I made plans to hang out with two of my really good friends but ended up ditching them to sit at home and be sad despite really wanting to see them.  

On a positive note though, I felt a really weird burst of inspiration over the week to achieve some of the goals I've been too doubtful to make a move on and I've done a lot of bullet journaling about steps to take to finally approach a few of them. I'm really lonely now that I'm back home though. 

How are you all holding up? ",5.546842105263155,5.472573304093569,6.536309941520468,78.65744736842106,67.42105263157895,10.582690058479534,31.719883040935674,10.355215969177356,3.0518977777777776,669,25,138,16,10,224,99,171,0.11900000000000001,0.769,0.11199999999999999,0.3624,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,3,3,12,11,1,1,13,0,7,0,0,4,1,26,18,9,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,8,0,2,4,3,0,7,1,7,0,2,9,4,14,4,32,8,6,29,0,2,1,0,6,9,0,5,11,94,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141823834585564,0.0,0.13147712472446665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388142258224806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566855010356146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742062488999955,0.0,0.0,0.08756343738682247,0.0,0.0,0.12667950282305196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25458238359983865,0.14522760827320574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242582969805844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119622343297277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319274571815517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476863490489042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381273254490922,0.0,0.12544409499196174,0.0884937305089905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28180894862233385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983512276775713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33971949234014565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564378360498748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967864890594744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26050525689778703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950488455942175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819518779343207,0.0,0.1063423325738256,0.0,0.0,0.12289680966773787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HistoricalMeat,2018/11/25,"What do you all do for work? I'm curious. I recently found a pretty good career in marketing. Curious what you all do.

Have you ever considered sales/marketing? Basically it's being paid to manipulate people in a benign way, so it really plays to the BPD personality.",2.801266666666667,5.6968876600000025,6.539999999999999,63.01666666666665,82.4,11.333333333333336,26.333333333333336,10.504223727775694,4.499333333333333,213,9,34,10,6,80,37,50,0.0,0.705,0.295,0.9315,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,3,5,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,5,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,25,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167397844636659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993056542607794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627998125666931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27753177815279123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293949380430375,0.2889172047773483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366303817083312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119742736567766,0.0,0.3267103599317224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262642189355047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408892093393935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_cole_17,2018/11/25,"need advice with my girlfriends BPD/bipolar hey guys! pretty much as the title says I need some help with a couple situations that have come up and im pretty clueless but care alot abt the relationship because shes a great girl. again im clueless so im very sorry if i say things that seem rude because of my lack of knowledge. So basically a friend with bipolar (lilly) said my girlfriend was likely faking some manic episodes, so first off is that a common thing? lilly said she used to do it alot. so for me to fully be there for my girlfriend i cant have something in the back of my head saying this is bs. so anyway heres the backstory. my gf went abt 6 months with no medicine and no manic episodes, until about 2 months ago she had brief mood swings a few times a day for a few days, then had a roughly 4 hour manic episode and a 2 hour depressive episode after that until she went to sleep. it happened again the next night again 4 hours manic and 2 depressed. then exactly the same the next night. then she was good for 2 weeks and then the exact same thing, 3 nights in a row she was 4 hours manic and depressive until i started crying, then she cared for me and got out of the sadness. then she started taking latuda (20mg a night for the first two weeks) and she had an episode in an AA meeting in a room full of 70 people (we had just had a very small argument and maybe she was stressed abt the people? could either cause this?) then she started 40mg latuda nightly and after a week of that she had another singular manic episode. she doesnt drink or do any drugs. i would never suspect the episodes are fake but lilly thought that maybe they are because “she wants me to come in and save the day” and because apparently mania takes days to build up to and apparently youre manic for days? and also because the episodes didnt start happening again until i was allowed to be in her life again (rehab counselors seperated us its a long story) anyway, all help is greatly appreciated, i figured asking for help is better than either always wondering if theyre real or asking her which would be really rude. thanks guys!",5.565423076923075,5.985003992857145,5.797142857142859,82.27170329670331,67.40476190476191,8.08058608058608,29.249084249084248,7.748469712250963,1.7616611721611717,1687,55,327,17,26,537,204,420,0.129,0.7509999999999999,0.12,-0.5007,3,0,3,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,1,3,18,20,2,1,33,0,31,7,2,3,4,59,58,38,0,9,9,0,1,1,5,2,4,5,1,3,15,22,1,0,6,1,0,5,6,9,1,3,18,6,36,10,44,34,14,69,0,4,0,0,41,13,0,10,52,220,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979148265429255,0.06331014236592565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057115108973700215,0.059427744820252336,0.0,0.0,0.0485685259597127,0.07489083253010864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353742913670127,0.0,0.0,0.054918110712598826,0.0,0.21768698284807086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316580630025746,0.0,0.0,0.08995187300477346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563632969773124,0.07336873390550906,0.0,0.12304522018502012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057023618380455214,0.07902564747260794,0.0784522866484146,0.2303022190455286,0.0,0.18454363595867976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996509706494672,0.08282533886015743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150082396969307,0.0,0.0,0.05517945660712236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990429566334194,0.05712165918251304,0.15748315049668507,0.0,0.1414354459377615,0.12631418046249165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329824433947799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436153716612975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134001644544804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231439839561614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044655344304734,0.03489254702424635,0.0,0.0,0.06320507311419883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350338796967504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401464466440298,0.0,0.052502433178620286,0.1059150899940346,0.05508404773867248,0.0,0.15191345202631862,0.3351174496883032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990282430622327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532105872227458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129239398633015,0.04575393004244328,0.0,0.0,0.0766791046746443,0.0,0.0,0.13587488410019058,0.17038982471633465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501872403001192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027986059773866,0.07147228041085538,0.0,0.0,0.05498314511013619,0.0,0.07994962773317271,0.20220775973665345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181217195884367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739895782492397,0.0,0.0,0.0657545860229641,0.0,0.0,0.14234622106629266,0.0,0.0,0.0567000590105082,0.041645985239945116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976764727239951,0.0,0.0859103097861909,0.06168455460930465,0.0,0.117859116598895,0.042125780034713824,0.0,0.17186813550026284,0.0,0.0,0.13241541115567385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745270388575484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147043399403148,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grey-lights,2018/11/25,"I'm so lost. I don't even know. I can't even articulate my torrent of thoughts. I'm so exhausted. Feels like I'm just dealing with life instead of living it. Nothing is ever consistent, I'm never consistent, I have so many problems and I just don't know how to address them while also being able to be responsible in my everyday life. I am fucking exhausted. And confused. And emotional, yet numb. Getting better seems so far away. Constantly flipping between wanting more to wanting less - be that emotions, love, drugs, video games, anything. I'm not doing great. I don't know where to go from here.",1.995000000000001,4.805512008771935,3.521368421052632,83.35257894736844,86.80701754385963,6.197894736842105,29.52982456140351,7.554174236665415,2.3868603508771944,475,25,83,9,15,156,76,114,0.168,0.7190000000000001,0.114,-0.7613,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,15,11,1,1,0,0,11,8,0,1,2,20,29,10,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,1,9,4,11,24,2,11,0,1,0,2,4,4,1,2,7,56,11,0,0.17497625339552705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992844662322382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399054760150776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643959499311394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547522768339359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890871684677242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803928340692846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029169026549636,0.0,0.0,0.3936494678202488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311403302547943,0.15827603877581434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847325116493755,0.12500307038767308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176272673438089,0.0914178705206314,0.0,0.09944303713401988,0.0,0.0,0.19291193708900745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28848711852548703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24718180487168365,0.08548455901710365,0.0,0.15450723746181935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910072502633257,0.0,0.15792290021850414,0.0,0.0,0.17739845733412934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349524735624888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789443426865885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167428643440327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929180944280405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389116001588806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641105546216865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDguy87,2018/11/25,Bad night last night I am recently diagnosed with BPD and it makes a lot of sense after looking into it but what I don’t understand is my mood changes. I am on anti depressants and antipsychotics and they help a lot. However Last night I was having a great time and all of a sudden when a friend was driving me to a bar to meet with our friends again I opened the door to her car and tried to thrown myself onto the highway twice not stopped cause she grabbed me and then jacked the breaks. Does anyone else go through this where one second your fine and happy and then bam ready to end it?!?!,7.049607843137253,5.880930781512611,6.423991596638657,84.33105742296921,64.71428571428571,9.950140056022411,31.598039215686274,8.841846274778883,2.194746778711484,469,14,100,6,6,144,85,119,0.063,0.7070000000000001,0.22899999999999998,0.9764,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,1,0,3,8,0,0,9,0,7,2,0,2,1,21,11,12,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,5,12,1,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,3,2,2,14,5,14,9,3,24,0,1,1,0,9,5,0,2,15,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196195672963524,0.1752864803602762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284041901404818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546288296156865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574107573815925,0.18097459002021696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734658474447884,0.17363745074637466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970882228200622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429111504272381,0.0,0.15152160841401474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643441298924913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722582396384616,0.0,0.0,0.1886107119864292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211244190303374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466791808436735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788977986530045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436598531366088,0.0,0.0,0.2908835720514544,0.0,0.0,0.1141938428094722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816266927765153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592479861687685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689158526942562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302629997467903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975516622202336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614864640884172,0.0,0.0,0.17809503325278006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nopeyepnopenoo,2018/11/25,"Oh you hate me and don't want anything to do with me? Great, now I want to do everything to get you to like me. Just another daily feel",-0.10200000000000033,1.6239514666666683,2.4700000000000024,95.165,84.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,20.0,7.793537801064563,0.5500000000000003,104,3,26,2,3,36,21,30,0.172,0.643,0.185,0.3519,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982220670769851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125184372920699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413128819869111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920231755263188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984142050403408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186978806476281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749443539045022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553649001017627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4479964939876945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chique_pea,2018/11/25,"Overcame my fear of being abandoned, to game with strangers after 8 months- got abandoned - suggestions? Ugh, as the title says. It took me 8 months to play with strangers in a video game, I was always afraid I wasn’t good enough and they’d just leave, after they saw me play. 
Finally dared to do it, and 3 people in a row just left after playing with me. Lovely. On to another 8 months, I guess?? 
How does one deal with rejection without freaking out as a BPD? ",2.930333333333333,4.957956200000002,3.613055555555558,89.19625000000002,75.8888888888889,6.277777777777778,25.69444444444445,7.1686216300943375,1.1597777777777778,358,13,71,4,8,113,62,90,0.17800000000000002,0.665,0.157,-0.4639,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,3,12,0,2,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,14,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,2,0,6,0,1,2,7,0,1,5,2,9,5,19,3,1,13,0,3,1,1,8,5,0,1,7,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026134721693248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456331683696267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577134153214552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095561722095973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906551403997653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142854352714552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23025589624513906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241526767676648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162667226514378,0.1636543785583253,0.0,0.2254134758370297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666445466027429,0.2223216852287269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467874880286647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.489980405492493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386567160030807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185867331243274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272310290985806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273418383539316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972476703670133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Krazykatlady93,2018/11/25,It feels like nobody wants me to get better Like it’s almost impossible to find a place who will treat bpd and when I do it’s super expensive and doesn’t take my insurance. I desperately wanna go to a residential facility but the ones I can afford state on their website they “don’t have the ability to treat personality disorders” and the ones who do treat it either 1. Don’t take my insurance and don’t do financial aid or 2. You HAVE to have a co occurring addiction to be treated there and I have been in recovery for like 5 years with no relapse (which I realize is a good thing but not when I can’t get treatment for other things. That fact alone makes me want to relapse). Literally no one in my area does any DBT outpatient and my inpatient facility sucks in general and I don’t know how I’m supposed to get better when I can’t get treated. I try on my own but it’s so hard to care enough or focus enough to do it,3.442318623784594,4.564792921465968,5.546421091997009,79.59692408376965,72.66492146596859,9.645624532535527,27.77898279730741,9.957137785484203,2.6291747195213166,732,27,154,20,14,256,106,191,0.078,0.737,0.185,0.9659,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,3,6,14,1,0,7,0,20,1,0,2,1,27,35,17,0,3,7,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,10,1,0,3,1,2,19,13,19,32,4,13,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,3,7,106,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500197833762465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074814220622374,0.16626122077490166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916626862080696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839524256488083,0.0,0.0,0.20218258918397491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367157922312392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839819008135488,0.0,0.14048135296722294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317419103262043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116906189457493,0.11468304627342565,0.0,0.0,0.14672200072635455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354823155182105,0.0,0.09123320246328454,0.1346453964312017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438038279418714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822338379513442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352813320589119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715537864684124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32633893521936563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016907120316918,0.1677202418833985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413979680840148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329870870104253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089896957581424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937013748142995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337640133417647
bpd,Salyssaii4,2018/11/25,"Need help Help my silly brain to realize that I have to let go of my ex.
Here I am all alone with a pregnancy scare. Got called bitch, a cunt & whole lot of horrible words whwn I expressed my anxiety to pregnancy scare. Left him on Monday, contacted him few times after that -> only to be disappointed again and made me feel like shit.
He promised he liked me & would be here for me when I needed his support. Nowhere to be seen now. 
He has threatened me & we were fighting so much and by force trying to hung on for months to something that was dead. 
Without him, I feel alone. But I know this is 200% the right thing to do. 

The problem is, I can go back to him and everything starts over. But this time, no. 
How dare he leave me alone when I need him, though he has yelled at me and made me feel like shit when I’ve had crippling anxiety attacks. 


",3.8208620689655177,4.630538270114948,4.238563218390805,90.50025862068968,71.47126436781609,7.868965517241381,25.99425287356322,8.07648339933343,1.2408942528735634,665,20,149,9,12,209,108,174,0.264,0.643,0.09300000000000001,-0.9871,0,3,1,0,2,0,28.0,1,0,0,0,11,16,6,2,4,0,16,3,3,3,1,25,31,12,1,5,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,10,0,0,7,5,25,6,21,19,5,20,0,1,1,0,19,6,4,1,15,95,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698448891592381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869145465312674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211886368092367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541649691003815,0.0,0.09152853966883792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287948340300768,0.1215453511741046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697861255619093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805590176689605,0.170073487731148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352976699173033,0.0,0.09520105445355499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956976756352476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541707370463785,0.0,0.0,0.12603808543326792,0.12932901061442112,0.12171865579182367,0.0,0.17445959992153529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119705833096987,0.0,0.2252625997851549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501049646087174,0.0,0.08750248279749054,0.26478296659129874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052947581685407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389789565840625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165298756592699,0.0,0.0,0.2383443213259408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443700200264477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163692838355517,0.0,0.0,0.08425171914261262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507651486293806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907981278864593,0.0,0.1169486922247225,0.0,0.13881745612227284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081516094432176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328953823277745,0.0,0.11474295019093846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455717542470254,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Moobyghost,2018/11/25,"[Discussion] How do I know if it is me or my friend's BPD? How to help them? I have a new friend that I really dig. We have similar interests and views on things. I want to be a good friend and started doing research to learn everything i can. Problem is, I also have mental illness and so I am constantly ripping myself apart if I feel I did something wrong or stewing on something i may have did or they may have said. 

Me: BPII, Clinical Depression, Suicidal Tendencies, Social Anxiety, and ADHD. Most of my mental baggage is in check right now. My med combo is on point. Mostly its down to self-deprecation and mood swings if i forgot the lithium. I am actually better than I have been in years.

Them: BPD, Suicidal idealization, and social anxiety. (some others, but not my place to post them publicly) 

There are days where they seem to love to talk to me. Days that go by without any communication. Days were it seems like they are pushing me away. Days where i can do nothing right. 

It is an emotional roller-coaster. 

So, how do I know if it is me, or something i said or did? Are there ways to walk what seems like a minefield of emotions? How can i cope with days where i can do no right? They have had a rough life, and so have I in many ... but different ways. This person has value and merit to me as a human being and so I want to put in the work, no matter how much, no matter how long. I just.. I need help or advice or something. How do you even compliment a BPD person there are some days that does even go well. 

With Bipolar and ADHD the act of routines helps me a lot. Are there normal every day tricks to coping/dealing with people with BPD? Words or phrases? 

Can anyone offer any help, please?",1.8344590025359264,4.150344144970418,3.3626762468300946,88.15430177514793,80.92307692307692,6.229721048182586,22.083178360101428,7.447530270364453,0.9228695519864752,1323,42,266,20,35,435,171,338,0.07400000000000001,0.757,0.16899999999999998,0.9861,1,0,4,0,0,0,56.0,1,1,7,3,25,18,1,0,11,0,43,5,0,7,0,63,59,37,2,10,17,0,2,2,3,2,4,2,0,3,12,15,0,1,7,0,1,6,5,4,1,0,9,5,43,13,32,46,6,40,0,1,1,1,28,18,0,22,15,199,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.07737856423586736,0.0,0.19058963877158944,0.07748423633289653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063410611633211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784396607374083,0.0,0.12131790984720962,0.0,0.0,0.055443533894329766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449841677457844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012824598914127,0.0,0.0,0.3994672083992403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568760172701301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579621358621956,0.0,0.06829497506252356,0.0,0.0,0.0828443451629772,0.0,0.0,0.06938986948438586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838798418724916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474460389047384,0.0,0.06680780206981186,0.0,0.07126346722879857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04009294110620304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837848069933836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012811847059776,0.06650723592628263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259380038224612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715475695117482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056007015763273264,0.07747714354416635,0.0,0.0,0.07017184098061814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741210301481466,0.07156506011039994,0.0,0.0,0.0803906921988102,0.0,0.0,0.08807668681581382,0.0,0.15981745920090026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582895044745709,0.058794780911657726,0.0,0.07658170754044685,0.0,0.0,0.07769033902919756,0.07608380585724761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549718067108123,0.1384712397922995,0.0828443451629772,0.08703994144133721,0.0749575480752684,0.0,0.07594080913998699,0.0,0.0,0.0758727259658429,0.0,0.07971140129894573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079714878860567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203147456534143,0.15085166887017773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165562037316152,0.08271992892316922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165852763848088,0.0,0.24417460973815286,0.0,0.0,0.05612401846150189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346742154314748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637327381586857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267876926486709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935381731918722,0.1258782411721872,0.0,0.0,0.07129396139098268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643565639227765,0.0,0.05772627402981815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669448640514067,0.0,0.05106211496993244
bpd,yikesriley,2018/11/25,"another diagnosis on top of bpd My new psych changed my diagnosis. Still definitely BPD, but he changed my psychosis diagnosis to schizoaffective. It’s definitely the right diagnosis, but I can’t tell if my BPD symptoms are making my hallucinations worse. I basically can’t differentiate between the two anymore, especially on days like today when I’m disassociating. ugh. ",7.0587634408602185,10.450656919354842,9.185161290322585,47.61440860215055,68.51612903225806,12.520430107526884,40.978494623655905,11.538034831475384,6.6167655913978525,307,19,43,13,6,109,44,62,0.115,0.732,0.153,0.152,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,7,1,5,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481444973662312,0.0,0.0,0.1842513312017032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7019787622934357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39307719567214616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981760266435862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076641451014644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401463511965632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794347776011777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866155619559144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837018080817513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193104405640065,0.0,0.0,0.16238651132428675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761048778516443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148744450566745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933339004606053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sole-ghost,2018/11/25,"DAE feel like this at times? It's feels as if my blacks and white thinking and lack of self identity is eating me alive. I feel lost, confused about who I am and it's a constant fight against my impulses. To keep keeping on is what I shall continue to do but it feels so good damn hopeless some days. To trudge omwards just to trudge on in hopes that I can and will remedy my situation. I believe I can but only when I have a good mindset, one small event and I feel as of my emotions switch and it becomes a whole new struggle to not let negative, intrusive, and impulses thoughts rule me. ",2.8850420168067217,4.639347798319328,3.7266302521008434,89.53969327731095,75.21848739495798,7.449075630252103,28.70672268907564,8.238735603445708,1.8749321008403361,464,20,99,8,10,148,80,119,0.136,0.7020000000000001,0.162,0.7512,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,2,2,3,0,10,1,0,0,0,25,21,14,0,3,5,0,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,2,7,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,7,14,4,15,16,3,12,0,2,2,0,3,5,1,4,8,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911237181301247,0.0,0.2031212469121252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482575341415306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162699343853951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447818790217935,0.0,0.20279814534916826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557915789550458,0.12879677433806322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30243167239318464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906526088759891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32049400578700626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435525080233606,0.0,0.08807892016547209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968041075535495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412190992161153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216685773809965,0.1371160740368713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880782301057339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026496783846114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847468596996791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552036580061545,0.0,0.1431274124956768,0.10512655916498788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128353685906356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bashdoors,2018/11/25,Why can't I ever express my feelings appropriately? I always fuck up with expression of feelings no matter who it is. I guilt trip people and I don't understand I'm doing it. I hate myself. I look back and regret it all with how childish it is. I feel trapped.,0.5736388140161708,3.0342619433962237,3.3930458221024296,84.22169811320755,89.9433962264151,5.292722371967655,22.66576819407009,6.868970318607317,1.037735309973046,205,8,39,3,7,72,38,53,0.355,0.625,0.02,-0.9571,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,13,13,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,4,13,1,4,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,2,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726153123807961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25192808430745195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963610776185999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969803690778596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028896627961971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32346787113305026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751275991184345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271381448058232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410755186221805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29563609844983235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kalelvon,2018/11/25,"...It all makes sense. It makes no sense. Will it ever make sense? Of course it will. Of course it won't.... I'll start with a definition. 

""Me"" #1: I don't give a f\*\*\* what people think of me, it's their problem, not mine; ",-2.15781914893617,-0.4451130851063816,0.0076329787234055155,105.47187500000004,105.38297872340424,3.201063829787234,10.13031914893617,5.148860815047168,-1.9207851063829784,163,2,43,1,8,53,31,47,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,2,9,10,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186890021567741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33797256034390416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7055188049608087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442507946777881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371177831032094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24937030325103754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257491653958223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,val3ja,2018/11/25,"Teens with BPD? Thoughts? I know teenagers have an ever-changing personality, are easily influenced, and don't have a completely stable sense of self, but could some teens benefit from early intervention? Even if not diagnosed with BPD, isn't there some good that could come out of it?

For example, an adolescent girl with a history of trauma, emptiness, no sense of self, anger outbursts, and fear of abandonment that prohibits her from functioning much like her peers, although being a minor, should be considered for a BPD diagnosis, after other diagnosis being ruled out.

Or a male, with self-harm, poor mood regulation, impulsivity, fear of abandonment, and suicidal gestures could be suspected of a BPD diagnosis. Why wait until they're adults, out on their own, and in a completely unsafe environment. At least let them qualify for DBT skills or something other than shutting them down completely; Leaving their disorder to put them in and out of mental hospitals, volatile relationships, and ruining their lives. ",12.024647058823525,11.306837082352946,10.813970588235296,55.38036764705885,54.647058823529406,15.323529411764708,44.779411764705884,14.005844860021307,6.7416470588235295,824,40,119,29,8,261,113,170,0.282,0.675,0.043,-0.9946,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,6,1,2,11,1,2,9,0,14,1,0,1,0,33,18,12,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,15,0,3,3,0,1,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,9,3,30,8,5,15,0,3,0,0,15,10,0,5,4,87,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5886854848596932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361423091644312,0.10065790278269468,0.3675522149855184,0.0,0.0,0.2798911405071937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860261669832813,0.0,0.0,0.13392285028469758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771798368316549,0.10569958806939668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262982630830061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980101585430063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421896375328193,0.0,0.0,0.12372970513045503,0.0,0.1194893855950507,0.0,0.05708812745307725,0.0,0.1031827147038147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775962642307475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589987984583036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203091420558223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174688283189872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254556309005503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36570727540439457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995860329821519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781744159639355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276766735141508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544101835398946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Raquel300,2018/11/25,"I’ve been trying to make new friends lately The thing is, I’ve been having troubles to make new friends of my age ( 17 ) so I decided to try online, two weeks since I tried to find someone who to talk to but I only got messages by pedos and older men, the friends I already have seem to they don’t want to talk and I’m running out of every social interaction and I can’t stop feeling like shit ",3.0214859437751045,3.950404180722895,4.448373493975903,87.808624497992,73.4578313253012,6.497188755020081,27.086345381526108,6.42735559955562,1.022873092369478,309,11,66,2,6,103,57,83,0.11,0.7240000000000001,0.166,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,2,0,7,1,1,2,0,13,14,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,1,7,4,12,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,1,1,1,8,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729027813038896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063146596836524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039750308653886,0.12772182882858446,0.0,0.0,0.1634034224856585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41437936951133103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298822166143887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167377630683087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873438082793382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386766200291515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453373562903266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597169515921073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275633195531164,0.0,0.0,0.18351705656789155,0.14789023949901914,0.0,0.0,0.18224563785997666,0.15148132814397905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946967810772496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873962465937426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877475375532195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641435343244781,0.0,0.1746439433964645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545019979231768,0.0,0.14340806042840526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,foxxred,2018/11/25,"How to help people with BPD? Hello everyone, I'm new here. I have a friend who has recently discovered he has BPD - Unrelenting Standards. He goes regularly to a psychologist for a while now and has made some improvements from my point of view, but sometimes i think i can recognize this pattern in his behavior and I don't know how to help him. It would be very useful if you could give me some tips on how to support him, encourage him and most of all understand him better? I've been reading online about what this means and I'm doing my best to be patient and not take everything personal or overthink on it.",5.282878151260505,6.2730547983193325,6.1759558823529455,77.27805147058824,68.2436974789916,10.319747899159664,31.681722689075627,10.411451182825502,3.3502512605042014,487,20,93,13,8,161,85,119,0.0,0.759,0.24100000000000002,0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,5,1,26,23,12,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,13,5,14,17,5,8,0,0,1,0,16,4,0,5,4,68,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980494665517454,0.16838649543681836,0.0,0.0,0.4795848114801889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201273946490027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192797812881648,0.1711123004729365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470965996066681,0.0,0.0,0.18264161919781216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25523185767047385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463461531554928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015377437946414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739300320746226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388204589203525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199403106841065,0.16624319101768922,0.0,0.0,0.1799822403783727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044379815149287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798940276140175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883028285874579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605489775747289,0.0,0.0,0.14315129641297633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199568230773787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820507312929408,0.0,0.1644377960421842,0.0,0.1570935666128462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352492097503576,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Trulygrueling,2018/11/25,"Relationship advice needed I don’t know how to feel like...okay. Dang. 

Had a really good week, went on a vacation with my family and my boyfriend. Then we went to my boyfriends family’s house for thanksgiving. We all had such a good time. And then today I noticed that my boyfriend and his ex are following each other on Instagram again? 

I know I’m silly and I shouldn’t be looking compulsively but I did and I’m shaking and I feel like warm inside and I feel like uncontrollably hyper & like I can’t stop moving and I want to break things & I wanna take a couple shots and I want to get reckless again 

Any words of advice will help. I try to be more level headed about things but obviously......

Tldr: boyfriend & his ex of several years (childhood sweetheart style) are following each other on IG again and I’m a bigggg baby",2.1111520109066118,4.667729239263807,3.506083844580779,86.05465405589639,81.76073619631902,6.8124062713019775,21.325494205862306,7.984000788550335,1.2058987048398089,658,20,128,13,18,215,93,163,0.071,0.748,0.18100000000000002,0.9441,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,0,6,10,0,2,5,0,11,1,1,1,2,32,29,15,0,5,2,2,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,15,0,1,5,0,0,6,3,2,0,0,5,5,20,8,14,20,4,22,0,0,1,0,9,4,1,0,14,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26447822360127565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398773619632557,0.0,0.09202639763641132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973577052393006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551468319797615,0.0,0.20527484707655155,0.2900310073390657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070230886772848,0.0,0.0,0.22701024681773005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888363392438308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070624125430868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614816562206255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874338567276665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26445401366835875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363985249632158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383024217716173,0.0,0.1003425983688735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406967703171354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669337346179855,0.0,0.0,0.1452896013983654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287998908569908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313869029756995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017483957278316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798093131719803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890974498238564,0.0,0.12827333222807133,0.0,0.0,0.09187754795347663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596376957140621,0.0,0.10855044541737052,0.0,0.0,0.2508973257765515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714558018324473
bpd,fallingintothegalaxy,2018/11/25,"If anyone else has been through a friend breakup, any advice? It’s just a really mentally and emotionally draining relationship (mostly just because we don’t relate much anymore, have changed, disagree on a lot, etc.) and I haven’t been talking to them much lately, but I don’t think letting it fade out is going to work because they’re still trying to maintain connection and I think they want to try and work things out, but we’ve tried that and it’s never worked. 

Has anyone found a way to breakup semi-amicably with a friend (i.e. without it having more of an impact on my mental health than it already has)? ",6.612527472527474,7.003778726495727,6.561050061050061,77.79307692307692,65.15384615384616,8.736996336996338,32.953601953601954,8.418075326091056,2.5586884004884003,489,19,88,6,7,155,78,117,0.017,0.9059999999999999,0.077,0.7514,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,2,3,3,2,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,0,1,22,17,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,14,13,6,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,4,64,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885505165482735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809987365050405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358958092842857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107036545101132,0.21302526790891874,0.15608002220510414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571783171275044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161144875354097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725211600001546,0.17135067632795276,0.0,0.0,0.16988814660512006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702191361170893,0.23537946325699144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657261376916578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191960000008354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718348042136822,0.0,0.0,0.155767681480521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950546525771847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30702549667632456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396006233367985,0.0,0.11748623842988028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975864584166469,0.0,0.0,0.16354534469096946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165088463966794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243703338516344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120124158344906,0.19521374591968527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102660845261593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984814370728295,0.12091241379344628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684062357742536,0.0,0.3326940256195494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TrashPerson90,2018/11/25,how do you deal with (usually bad) impulsive decisions? So.. I may have recently spent alot of money randomly on a ps4 and a cpu for my pc. I had no intention of using the money but it kinda just happened.. Do you have any tips for dealing with making poor impulsive decisions? Thanks!,2.43333333333333,5.084441222222225,4.745925925925928,77.06666666666669,81.22222222222223,9.525925925925927,27.51851851851852,9.725611199111238,3.536651851851852,222,10,39,8,6,77,43,54,0.11199999999999999,0.821,0.067,-0.3720000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,4,0,15,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,7,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,4,2,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106661378162713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586596407780973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6387546642768406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27394408234186024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678557626790234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058778046242309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852107287064053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675569543378408,0.3411871886906225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emijcxx,2018/11/25,"Bs BPD i need help 

I’m struggling lately. Constantly being reminded that I’m toxic and a piece of shit. My ex boyfriend lied and manipulated all of his friends into thinking I was basically an emotionally abusive asshole to him our entire relationship. One told me that I had done inexcusable things and could not expect them to be justified by my mental health (also claims she’s an advocate because her family have depression and schizophrenia). I have never used my BPD as a crutch and I have NEVER mistreated or abused my ex. Ever. I may have yelled at him during an argument and lost my temper but who hasn’t? 

What they fail to know is how manipulating he was to me. He gaslighted every situation to be my fault. He hated my mental health, never supported it and pretty much just snapped at me the times I needed him most and when my suicidal thoughts were back and my anxiety at it’s peak. He would speak down to me, call me names and once even told me my kid is probably going to end up on all sorts of drugs. She’s not even 2. 

Everything was always my fault. It still is. And now I’m being branded toxic and I believe it. 

I look at myself and what can I offer? Nothing. I can barely make eye contact with a cashier or even my postman. Every conversation feels awkward, I panic that they’re judging me, I don’t know how much eye contact is too much or not enough and I struggle to look at their lips in case that’s creepy so I just look at other shit (even with my fucking family). How am I expected to teach my daughter how to be social, how to be confident or fucking strong when her mother barely leaves the house and is just an all out piece of shit. 

Can’t even kill myself because I’m too scared but lately the temptation is worse and it’s scaring me that I’m considering it more and more. I just can’t do this shit anymore.  

My friends come to me for advice in their own unhappiness and I’m struggling to be honest and give it when I really give no fucks about my own life. I have no talent. Nothing. ",3.146018437225635,4.996795808457712,4.607743634767342,83.08635645302898,74.74626865671642,7.515481416447178,25.5051214515657,8.313332769828598,1.678113023119696,1593,55,313,28,34,531,201,402,0.233,0.69,0.077,-0.9973,0,0,1,0,1,1,34.0,1,0,4,3,26,28,10,7,10,0,35,14,7,9,7,68,65,36,2,6,13,4,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,1,18,24,0,0,5,0,0,2,12,22,0,1,10,8,59,6,36,45,14,30,0,3,5,3,39,13,7,7,15,231,77,2,0.0,0.18884693015065268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787531773981893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637306601022284,0.06631116483600576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096511512543019,0.0,0.07903428590282942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127918706927118,0.0,0.09716052625555373,0.0,0.0,0.08978699810152076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074170730080415,0.0,0.08137571449240602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864867498043523,0.0,0.08612008747411687,0.0,0.06362857230084938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863967607781693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815538596495628,0.0,0.0,0.09241886452810898,0.0,0.0,0.08964417542855654,0.07058456182315757,0.08234442655385536,0.0,0.2631831871729695,0.07208710360881264,0.13428999393717178,0.0,0.0716231509315103,0.0,0.15025539978434946,0.0,0.04029529973497117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314160847608555,0.2210253655386638,0.0,0.15289804674502994,0.04529150828198829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786805815657717,0.0,0.16942038792946754,0.0,0.0,0.0534167029896059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091955306162676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816876925692106,0.0,0.08759464778034952,0.0,0.17979490555591246,0.08438364080824046,0.0,0.0,0.05628969651949988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076676636483232,0.0,0.08699459214587567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319586059029454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606240960054049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575111648586791,0.11818306436594456,0.18439303294184856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293563791561374,0.0,0.0,0.08487070617491119,0.05400220602498045,0.0,0.0,0.09350285341228344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107668150812644,0.08592279814768618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105353410458845,0.0,0.0,0.08556072193109493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957368386161908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272158875363461,0.0,0.08957854761626485,0.0,0.08123722837707797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364312926787373,0.0,0.0,0.24993805220225904,0.0,0.08717147648033567,0.09043495125017613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294465156782395,0.05106421421937265,0.0,0.06326753556994723,0.04646977266858597,0.0,0.0,0.15230062362752955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882937726991188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121422614565048,0.056611795508233885,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,milkymilkymilk,2018/11/25,"Can you have BPD without any abandonment issues? I have an extremely unstable sense of self, I deal with self hate and so much more.. I have most BPD symptoms apart from fear of abandonment I don't have it whatsoever.... However, whenever I feel like the person I am in love with doesn't want me I feel extremely intense emotional pain it's indescribable... The thought that he will find someone else makes me feel so intensely bad... could I have BPD?",3.198095238095238,5.948498809523809,4.064285714285717,82.54738095238095,78.76190476190476,8.971428571428572,28.380952380952376,9.444778638647367,3.0817238095238104,356,16,67,11,9,114,59,84,0.156,0.67,0.174,0.1543,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,2,8,1,1,3,0,11,3,0,1,0,15,19,3,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,3,11,2,7,16,3,2,0,2,0,1,7,2,0,1,1,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102158795897313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532502241810218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.612379598190109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294029030735735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670911801371571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539203237327915,0.18231143847206946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823783122913519,0.2458484566306445,0.11578569991212755,0.0,0.0,0.1481327022488169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001452338090633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691631506699662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918117104466725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627811522744602,0.0,0.10818565532688093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914304045757287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245816593863472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415167676711122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33815706368340176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732477653689792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845694583160556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286686543012762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559544598452108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623355497762298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lauren_Claire,2018/11/25,Holidays make me sad. Whenever the holidays are here all I think of is my passed grandmother that raised me and it just hurts.......The kind of hurt that hurts so much it feels like you might not survive.    That kind of hurt is all I feel right now. I try to turn it off but it doesn’t help.,0.9185000000000016,2.8979191833333324,1.879999999999999,99.395,82.16666666666666,6.666666666666668,18.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.17033333333333325,221,5,55,4,6,69,43,60,0.136,0.727,0.138,0.0276,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,2,11,10,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,7,3,5,9,3,4,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674723509632315,0.15312012121363489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436634391245193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6883463500231013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463913742673791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471267624066154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430694867310937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273743082363139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756001656914234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830399080476104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373364550854766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551859204834375,0.2331336446646968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,former_farmer,2018/11/25,"Do you ever run away from the person you love, even if you know that you'll regret? I think it's some kind of psychological self harm. I told the person I love most in life that ""the less I knew about her the better because it would hurt less"" and of course I just hurt people with that kind of thing.

Why do I do that? All I want is to be close to ver as much as possible, and see her smile and her hair and hug her.

I don't think she'll ever understand that I never wanted to hurt her and that it was me trying to tell her that I needed her more than ever in my life.

That episode was followed by an entire week of regret, sadness, and suicidal thoughts.

Hurts so much to think that people will never understand that I don't do this on purpose. That any good thing I did in the past will be erased because of this and she will hate me or see me as a crazy person.

I fear she will never trust me again and we will never be close again and it just hurts so much that I want to die. I can't forgive myself.

I've been behaving like since I am a teenager. At this point I know I need therapy but I also hope I never do this again because I don't want to be like this and lose the only people that is good with me just because I can't control myself.",5.171242004264394,3.9132023395522415,5.921236673773986,86.70574626865671,68.51492537313433,8.701918976545842,26.232409381663107,7.1686216300943375,0.9930737739872062,969,19,226,7,14,319,120,268,0.13699999999999998,0.755,0.10800000000000001,-0.7067,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,4,0,3,14,25,1,1,9,0,29,6,1,1,9,53,52,19,2,11,6,0,1,2,0,8,2,0,0,4,24,15,0,1,10,0,0,2,10,12,0,0,7,3,45,13,27,33,9,24,0,9,2,3,24,9,0,5,15,172,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007620017641444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959014713590788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823295317969629,0.0,0.0,0.21366922847522446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749997795924184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982824217913674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094418536346607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578775668659829,0.2377940363959505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860603122068423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699667004975708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651465675948543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703452539801257,0.0,0.0,0.4690387365956153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250246801470674,0.09631627951745723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378870813020712,0.08562137598518645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803348582984324,0.0,0.0,0.1581756538461437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325031939628967,0.1299503263058219,0.3379211582735343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664515701752356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836509848417959,0.18225097812059896,0.22954056273317705,0.0,0.0,0.08283692600284935,0.09878757314907904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396565811495485,0.0,0.09141527180543373,0.0,0.0,0.07248691149456217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585097385953502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659086577373421,0.0,0.10021042679525193,0.0,0.1164324987560459,0.16844574142562244,0.0,0.06956696321921542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373245288214376,0.0,0.05949376202538498,0.0,0.0,0.18244798977592466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674141377613567,0.0,0.07029001656292254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907077600476835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224852383480215,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,certainturtle,2018/11/25,"I'm tired of being hurt after a break-up when the other person is relieved or just feels guilty. I've had 4 serious relationships. Some more serious than others, obviously. I would say that I ""loved"" two of them. With one of those two telling me that they loved me too. Like most relationships, they ended in a break-up. And being someone with BPD, the ending was massive, devastating, and miserable.... for me. It's always been the other person to break up with me. 

​

For two of them, it was a relief for the other person. My BPD and mental health issues exhausted them and even caused them their own depression. I don't really blame them for that. One the guy just didn't have real romantic feelings, so he just felt ""sad"" because he was guilty that he made me miserable after the break-up. The last guy broke up with me because I was moving and he didn't want to do distance, when I did want to try. He knew that he didn't want to do distance, so he tried to not develop that many romantic feelings, but he said that maybe it was a mistake that we sort of ""dated"" because he did develop feelings (and I loved him, I think, I never told him) and it made the break-up much harder. He's great at repressing emotions, so a week after we broke up he said that he wanted to be friends. I was still devastated and told him that I had to be alone. He told me that he was sad that he made me miserable (ie, he felt guilty). 

​

Recently had a friends with benefits thing with a guy I met in July. It was a bad idea from the beginning. He told me about how he was broken for years after his break-up from his first gf. But that he's over it. Except that he now has trouble feeling emotions. Long story short, I obviously developed feelings for him because FWB never works. But obviously he didn't feel the same way. I know he likes me as a friend (minus the sex). But I told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore because I knew he didn't have feelings for me. Obviously I was hurt (still am... it was this morning). He didn't say much except that he felt sad because of what is happening. He texted me when I was on my way home asking how I was and how he feels ""awful for what I did to you and that you are sad"" and ""I'm sorry"". Dude. You're sad because you're guilty. 

​

Add another one to my pile of rejections and break-ups of people who didn't feel anything. Now I'm going to see a guy from Tinder because that's the unhealthy way that I cope with things. Fantastic. Cheers.",3.1845231177040314,4.582907769383702,4.3835387673956285,86.60652801141869,73.69184890656064,7.465137380843147,25.024672477952798,8.055295364500962,1.3305566498445232,1940,61,406,29,39,637,196,503,0.182,0.715,0.10300000000000001,-0.9886,0,1,0,0,0,0,93.0,2,2,8,2,19,34,0,4,22,1,43,7,0,7,6,77,86,27,0,7,11,0,13,2,4,1,3,4,1,7,37,22,0,1,18,0,0,2,12,21,0,7,43,18,56,13,54,37,7,38,0,14,1,4,77,9,0,4,25,264,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432618523885476,0.0,0.0,0.05167965728875177,0.20188520259147227,0.2264076725217883,0.0,0.06512669412126756,0.0,0.0,0.06159543147252423,0.0,0.0,0.05111040887857788,0.0,0.058063523980922224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185841452452968,0.3028885233007008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644820389629838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380304410700388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534943843149986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397285140605773,0.11002026503135152,0.0,0.0,0.041022403846765976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140417282370085,0.0,0.17890311865274955,0.0,0.0,0.052829877375010506,0.0,0.0,0.14395576083835268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03529797179543568,0.0,0.0,0.06847538360271099,0.0,0.2459906697335871,0.05492277703584069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601895478367571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230038363297735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329779222886512,0.07011349270997648,0.0,0.06482565184888596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03413347804108684,0.05062711854375016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060686633073452366,0.0,0.0,0.054964503992739985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681673721485469,0.17630709158501215,0.0,0.06296877010197137,0.06239683108015421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259125634728405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601202992379131,0.09131451182283534,0.0,0.09580456797821148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625998233221478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04305855521560464,0.16269353004175216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069363096484213,0.03978861104958471,0.0,0.0613251373053003,0.13336362881613092,0.0,0.0,0.1181597495527662,0.09878312757186296,0.0,0.0,0.04949282582180064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262474787653342,0.0,0.0,0.06952593227474428,0.0,0.0,0.0992006434355846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992085560301734,0.05428599709484718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252490979654244,0.03979693460525165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138515038888157,0.0,0.29673902024641313,0.0,0.08433585806466108,0.0,0.1820143829343858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653397208998165,0.14789768216467614,0.04982008750500555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045216086325486515,0.0,0.0,0.044120446347186384,0.0,0.2264076725217883,0.0399961549094572
bpd,Carwally,2018/11/25,"How can I be loved with BPD and anxiety? I have BPD and anxiety and feel very bad about myself. Last months have been very difficult - work is very busy and my LDR bf is very busy. I just don’t understand how he can love me with all my flaws. My family is abusing and I’m not in much contact with them. My bf knows I’m feeling low and knows about my BPD and anxiety and I feel so vulnerable to him.

I have started to see a therapist again and that alone makes me feel that I can’t be loved. I love him but Im starting to think that he should find himself someone better than me. Im also so afraid he will see what Im writing here even though I don’t think he knows about Reddit.",1.7512785388127874,3.1120293561643844,3.2988356164383568,93.08172374429226,77.35616438356166,7.0584474885844735,22.44063926940639,7.793537801064563,0.7300200913242008,530,15,126,8,12,175,77,146,0.105,0.79,0.105,0.6201,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,13,9,0,1,1,0,16,4,0,3,1,32,37,16,0,1,3,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,11,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,6,21,5,11,32,2,7,0,1,2,4,16,2,0,0,5,76,25,1,0.0,0.13193092053472005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532447543284048,0.0,0.08904613537392245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555461320738464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297216101986053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847956241150972,0.0,0.0,0.4207222994746928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354527844385272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104970375706121,0.0,0.22520656207717898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177140339377304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608296238043092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835842791782254,0.0907646841959404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019889962579043,0.0,0.07432663957751859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887808905408061,0.0,0.08185467656967092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746223110835033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434604929721384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576274638244914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292853233824048,0.0,0.14269649568504125,0.10940029438313474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591873100558768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674999151817673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106374437175627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Foxtrotwhat,2018/11/25,"I'm crying uncontrollably over some sauce I really wanted a particular sauce with my dinner and my family finished it. I can't get any more until tomorrow, and I'd have to go some distance to get it. I've been upset for an hour and I'm just crying so hard and can't reason with myself. I yelled at my mum to just throw away my food and I literally don't want to eat or do anything. I'm fully aware that this is completely irrational, and I really don't understand why I'm so upset. I just can't stop crying. Can anyone make sense of this? ",2.54517543859649,3.8870105350877218,5.083333333333336,81.17833333333336,75.22807017543859,8.575438596491226,21.43859649122808,9.150863307647796,1.5250596491228063,427,10,89,10,9,152,68,114,0.20600000000000002,0.777,0.017,-0.9577,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,2,0,10,3,0,2,0,20,21,10,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,8,3,1,2,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,2,11,0,12,20,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808544838323896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169971686595264,0.0,0.15499719904629794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696239231203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748291724177305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6206856877057269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273056066288544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775609891131946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22775532726912825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968117228457103,0.0,0.10704447255167382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872590786390654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854882428615104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257260589196362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413255304327281,0.19365666583711594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747025036784615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608050743499705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221891365908744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699578921240585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teela_,2018/11/25,"I don't want to be here any longer My boyfriend has left me for good and I want to die. I only find comfort in him and he is ignoring me as if I never existed or meant anything to him. I have no one else. I can't distract myself for even a second because I can only think about him. I find no comfort in doing anything because I did everything with him. I don't even want to sleep because I'm scared to, I don't want to have a nice dream of him and wake up to realise he's never coming back and I don't want to have a nightmare where he leaves me again. I can't eat, I can't look after myself at all, the only thing I can do is sit in my room and cry. It hurts so fucking much. I just want him to text me saying that it's ok, he's here with me and isn't going anywhere. I hate myself so much. I don't want to live without him. I have no reason to want to live anymore, he was my only reason for staying. I think I might do it",0.372476190476192,1.5986382476190502,2.895238095238096,95.08476190476192,80.80952380952381,5.238095238095238,20.714285714285715,5.46131890053228,-0.1994285714285713,712,19,175,3,18,248,97,210,0.16,0.742,0.099,-0.7423,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,2,2,4,1,25,4,2,2,3,33,42,11,1,9,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,9,1,1,7,1,0,2,15,6,0,2,3,2,39,5,27,37,3,17,0,1,1,1,13,8,1,3,5,128,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722570187808951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262247515987525,0.0,0.0,0.1869028470693108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732176984570274,0.0,0.20767807597179985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782316123217648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474195542583287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785888916177352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620174663413756,0.0948660462326125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001257553627587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206173744105704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075862742255655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498576010705483,0.0,0.0,0.06453960718659317,0.09524998312593508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211845266559724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156991510357305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024521234379458,0.12338488235587855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055373811305466,0.0,0.09536304360216208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047078631895695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669615114895462,0.0,0.17517123136221016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695219912664633,0.34547449703156885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335202340533624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030864842743674,0.11369485433809427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364349463960105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210414298646511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544520252104961,0.14553122437395133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358520343880792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946921609633578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mizsatann,2018/11/25,"I think I might have a problem...? [Female/22 years old] 
Please dont think im weird, I knew that wasnt normal and Im trying my best to be a better person...

Long story short: I was an absolute mess back in 2016, until I found this guy that actually liked me and cared for me when nobody else did, we had so much fun together and he made me laugh every single day, he was truly an angel and I fell in love with him, things happened and he said that he was in love with me too but we couldnt date because he was too busy with work. Anyways, we began to slowly grow apart and for some reason, after some months, we stopped talking and I was completely devastated...I wanted to be with him all the time and I wanted to actually do something so we could be best friends again but im too shy and useless...So, I ended up doing something really stupid: I started stalking his social media everyday, I wanted to see what he was doing and who was he with, this guy was really extroverted and everyone loved him, he had lots and lots of friends (and thats good!!!) and seeing him completely normal and having lots of fun with everyone while I was feeling miserable just killed me inside, I wanted to stop but I couldnt, and that became an obsession and made my fear of abandonment stronger to the point where I didnt made any true friends for the next two years because I kept pushing everyone away.

Its 2018 and only this May I finally decided I wanted to move on. I thought about him everyday and still stalked him sometimes until my psychologist helped me realize that I havent talked with him for two years and that what I was in love with was just a fantasy that I made in my head, I totally agreed and decided to move on completely, I deleted all my social media so I couldnt stalk him anywhere and it actually worked, I stopped being so obsessed with him and could actually make new friends.

The thing is: I think I might be falling in love again, I DONT want that, I dont want to go trough all of that again, I dont want to trust someone so deeply just to end up alone and obsessed again, Im really scared...people tell me that its normal and that its actually a good sign but I dont trust myself enough to tell that person I might have a crush on him...I think I should wait sometime but hes all I can think about and im scared....im really really scared...hes my best friend and I dont want to be alone anymore...

Do you guys think its too soon? I dont know what to do and wanted someone that understands me to help me, sorry if this is not the right place to ask for help, Im kinda desperate...what should I do? I know thats not such big deal, Im sorry...",3.0321028078514236,4.3999830794824435,4.352610245576976,86.79891096734445,74.02772643253233,7.666244168647123,24.34121116098936,8.269060116576782,1.3216527242320222,2070,62,440,34,42,684,216,541,0.12,0.7120000000000001,0.168,0.9881,0,2,2,0,0,0,76.0,5,1,0,6,26,35,2,5,13,0,54,6,1,6,6,119,98,43,1,22,11,0,1,1,5,6,0,1,0,5,30,42,0,6,17,1,0,7,15,11,0,2,26,4,72,24,52,55,16,59,1,2,2,5,53,19,0,11,34,298,102,2,0.0,0.0,0.23185498314338024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984292357385498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03231406680010773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047125375321997835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442318682903201,0.0,0.044644997839005926,0.0365386320263183,0.0,0.057933417300755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960254172340295,0.04202606613925863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844806377569173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946606956952033,0.0,0.0,0.07587897623487114,0.0,0.0,0.030645366081825706,0.04898927066371645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898375754260682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039695434039072094,0.0,0.08417420186334545,0.04909909620485604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003620893126508,0.13621728788147472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347128733365146,0.0240266752844152,0.0,0.0,0.0520539642263512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521013525217324,0.18356256562894724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027005739373823598,0.07971217464101461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115173430608946,0.04202026708255037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048767474760943334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955515248133118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106232606690623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052571947673690334,0.0,0.05222961915443075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023215036344785674,0.0,0.0,0.04205219150385752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211950531455952,0.214435560667337,0.17985182048400716,0.031718827686713594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512281899121246,0.0,0.0,0.03792864587791021,0.1010088447002199,0.03493141081344369,0.0,0.0,0.04589346076972359,0.0505362406992273,0.0,0.13967350589068098,0.0,0.0,0.04986245211654634,0.0,0.0,0.03613980094488173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03294319930632317,0.08298227625424143,0.049646499494967376,0.052160813152766376,0.04492014349732437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045468586225585764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220716735210074,0.048856716474325074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04058036018586108,0.04520077554868032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573185013369106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687782545654908,0.08052418614888276,0.07316380264217792,0.09399360807286736,0.10638567097368712,0.03363369037105633,0.0,0.03794816792679597,0.11918225497851655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638680338611945,0.08306616015717698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313808109796011,0.1826868098918081,0.0,0.03772421456552787,0.02770829714116051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032261799855828006,0.0,0.09283692967403402,0.04946821590923714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28027518709905674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918776239536209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180066280008294
bpd,pandas_puppet,2018/11/25,"Has anyone found a job that doesn't make them feel trapped or overwhelmed? I've always felt such shame for this feeling. But I have avoided working because of knowing how trapped, and depressed I feel when I have to be reliable. I feel ashamed of this feeling and my avoidant behaviours around working because it makes me feel like a spoilt brat. I feel like I'm the guy who has to have everything his way and is not reliable or helpful. 

But I don't know how to deal with it except just suffer. I've recently realised I get bored easily, feel trapped doing the same thing weekly and hate being stuck to someone else's rules. It makes me feel like acting out even though I rarely do it, that obviously. But I also get horrible anxiety if I'm somewhere new or unfamiliar with new people, or even just too much social interaction makes me dissociate to survive. It's like the biggest paradox. 

I feel like I'm going to never find the middle ground job with my extreme moods. 

I'm currently working part time retail and I hate the social interactions but I also feel like too little social interaction would make me spiral.

It feels like everyone else just accepts suffering because they have to and I can't even do it to get money to live. It doesn't help the shame that I know I can afford this difficulty because my parents are letting me stay rent free, so its probs not surprising the shame I feel for being 'spoilt'. 

Does anyone else understand this at all? Honestly feel quite alone with it and I've no idea how to job hunt for a new job, like I don't even know what to look for that could work with me. I'm sure a lot people here understand the struggle of finding balance in life but I don't know where to start.",4.788482142857141,6.077710883928575,5.287261904761905,82.09107142857144,69.625,8.21904761904762,29.773809523809533,8.59863814320734,2.228805952380952,1371,53,262,22,24,439,163,336,0.172,0.721,0.107,-0.9643,8,6,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,6,21,28,2,8,12,0,24,1,0,8,4,75,66,25,0,3,16,1,15,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,21,14,0,2,27,0,4,2,10,14,0,0,3,16,30,14,29,57,5,23,0,4,1,0,15,9,0,6,18,162,51,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014775538733843,0.0,0.10832716123708423,0.056356706752184536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181319199766896,0.0,0.0,0.09471664885470324,0.06939729169948011,0.0,0.06029397509072638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515008595050326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540768179700572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982655812243793,0.05833566799571655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927089635513315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973893433634513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893985410503616,0.0,0.0,0.0647188268007246,0.06087127143215049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794478508679313,0.29031754631303025,0.06503133033971535,0.0,0.12380781241619387,0.0,0.0,0.07426234501610729,0.0,0.0,0.10615823985923956,0.0,0.038492465890543386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706325450501109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373851819251578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079585537363906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645881871758466,0.0,0.0,0.268845919565576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611292269660132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925841678091403,0.04783963496591175,0.2647152836009517,0.06788315816990566,0.05980674705083551,0.0,0.0568760620507333,0.0,0.0,0.057581543250657424,0.0,0.0,0.2260511878453304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978927333307319,0.0,0.052237478210241085,0.19624189312030602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520604429220333,0.07334488696543594,0.0,0.0939107763776422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203909108634211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668751102651853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071263263884628,0.05738732877841561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047939575416175016,0.07219106705960145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080600252365866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383463398292745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499673938594879,0.0,0.06654428785292879,0.0,0.03949385231885074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101843961347152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376084608115613,0.05432884444647575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723271021625255,0.0,0.0,0.0481133812995518,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oldraykissedbae,2018/11/25,"I hate to sound ignorant, but what does “DAE” mean? I would see this a lot here and I always try to search up the meaning of that term and I wouldn’t see no results of explaining the definition or whatever. ",1.875,3.920788642857147,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,79.23809523809524,8.009523809523811,24.785714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.8513142857142864,161,6,35,4,4,54,33,42,0.16899999999999998,0.831,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,5,6,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463595746999433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590987596621588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923144942427963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517138655418057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6450287585195229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718696740588111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010166786582663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032442875797253,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CatBoob,2018/11/25,"I am the problem. I am the toxic one in a relationship. 

I am the bad friend.

I am the unavailable daughter.

I am the financial burden.

I am the instability in others' lives.

I am the one who hurts others.

I am the one who gives BPD such a negative stereotype. 

I am trying to get better. Desperately.",-0.11898305084745785,2.1058558305084745,3.5109999999999992,80.39904237288137,100.86440677966101,6.427796610169492,21.154237288135594,7.554174236665415,1.6191071186440675,230,9,44,6,10,84,30,59,0.316,0.5920000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,9,2,3,11,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277259515719292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24121577700831945,0.0,0.0,0.3435056434973689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107177328998904,0.0,0.14249504512132868,0.261636421463433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29197309799084903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24083382875041984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5544456938315806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260974708399579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928199748844367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517210471528853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iLiekDreaming,2018/11/25,"Is it possible to switch fps? I'm not affected by borderline but I'm a fp of a borderline classmate I honestly don't love him as a friend but I do care about everyone's wellbeing which led me to bring sucked into being his fp. I feel really tired out and frustrated and annoyed myself alot, I do really care about the person but is there a way to escape from being an fp. I'm really drained emotionally and from all those negative words everyday. And I'm. 14 year old student I feel like his really getting on my nerves to distrub me out of nowhere and test me and threaten me i have a busy life studying , and I get distracted by him because I'm expected to reply to his message which leads to more messages sent! Help?!
",3.7735297805642634,5.190192848275864,5.582633228840127,78.516144200627,72.24137931034483,9.962382445141069,30.42319749216301,10.230975488527342,3.330586206896552,573,25,111,17,11,197,88,145,0.226,0.637,0.13699999999999998,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,3,1,8,0,8,3,0,3,1,23,23,11,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,1,2,18,6,20,20,3,12,0,0,0,1,12,4,1,1,4,73,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443775561432174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162549769028063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296224696207525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505810140450966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643184445656784,0.14583285932804085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577128693312911,0.0,0.21330243185800932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682623774309666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441853758732082,0.09972921170014906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423825927488927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420354330552333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824131035182106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23012960683166275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5230920370640606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346211814638986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203149971768305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145514252963642
bpd,moonbrains_,2018/11/25,anyone repeat words over and over under your breath when stressed? idk if this is a bpd thing but I often have 5 memories of embarrassing stuff I did circulating in my noodle constantly and it’s a huge source of anxiety for me. it’s usually along the lines of “why did I do that” or calling myself an idiot :/,3.509999999999998,5.2934131147541015,5.223737704918033,79.34052459016394,73.59016393442623,8.814426229508197,25.31475409836065,9.3871,2.2495940983606566,244,8,47,6,5,83,51,61,0.24100000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.045,-0.899,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,2,4,0,5,1,1,0,0,8,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,9,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237343715217546,0.0,0.0,0.2215343125307055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990352308708819,0.0,0.32351799191487823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34237976203281106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36292672776155604,0.0,0.3626935829260709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104872131040244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489425540648532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858890336810198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jupitersfavmoon,2018/11/25,"How to cope I don’t know how to direct what I’m feeling. I’m not quite sure how to put into words what I’m feeling.


I have this idea that I’m not important and I’m usually very much used to it, so I go on with my life alone to avoid the feeling, I guess. Recently I allowed myself to some sort of connection like sometimes I do, but of course it never goes well. It’s either because I don’t choose them well or because I don’t know how to nurture relationships. 

Either way, I have this intense, suffocating feeling of unimportance. 
I want to leave immediately. Not just this place, but myself. More than self harm. I need someone to hold my throat so tight I have nothing else to think about. Until I’m not thinking about anything. 

I don’t even know what I do and why I do what I do. I block people but I want them to reach me. If they did, which them won’t, I would reject them because it wouldn’t fix what I’m feeling. I want to yell at someone but I don’t want to yell words because I’m not sure what to say. I want to cry but I don’t want to explain, or better yet, I want to go on a full rant about why I’m crying without any commitment to coherence. 

I think I will never be okay and this is scary. I do therapy but sometimes it only feels like I’m lying. I don’t want to lie but why does it feel like I am? I take meds but it makes me not go to visible extremes, on the inside I’m not sure I’m handling. 

I feel like I’m constantly on this bridge between despair and mysterious salvation, where this is unknown but the promise is that it will work out. I run left and right on this bridge. But every now and then I stop in the middle and I want to jump. ",0.7360794542536091,2.6130522949438197,2.8285425361155703,92.8997640449438,82.23033707865169,5.753964686998395,21.969181380417336,6.868970318607317,0.4522639807383624,1291,42,296,15,35,436,155,356,0.17,0.71,0.12,-0.9812,1,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,5,3,16,17,0,1,5,1,26,2,1,7,6,86,71,28,0,13,24,0,9,4,0,5,1,3,0,1,24,10,0,5,17,0,0,6,19,4,2,0,1,12,45,13,41,64,6,32,0,2,0,0,9,15,0,6,14,190,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974134769249761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892371067006695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130404137672497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127962260364935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663324387825173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363586366477007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035783971335016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582637660295077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238340765679216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723028333057448,0.0,0.07300480023097401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504952494107761,0.18570435875709465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773241478436674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545270177697583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781521014898936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285866522934235,0.0,0.0,0.09174787576280684,0.09414346431548284,0.0,0.06120214811225402,0.1693276297579083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783831038559931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624655694069087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369635727997387,0.06424850245176676,0.13365678399142805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314123313945171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589981965819677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007091451781195,0.0,0.09052887060360136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710531925417261,0.0,0.09216096915622528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555459100784522,0.09302768179615648,0.0,0.07399704337031361,0.0,0.06890608361635164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039291368762348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683338608941549,0.0,0.17139446424932314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244173002428407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24499455690862584,0.0,0.0651486224061223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908970657750313,0.0,0.0,0.16656190005255758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483617789070973,0.09543069142072153,0.07149379509750366,0.459965894150834,0.06877726527059635,0.0,0.0,0.1558141788165587,0.0,0.23455942391633056,0.0,0.0,0.08352572083737338,0.0,0.06308088236792378,0.0,0.0,0.06155235696456996,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Saaawoop,2018/11/25,"New but not so new I was diagnosed with BPD 2.5 years ago. 

I didn't believe it and stopped seeing the therapist immediately.

Ignored it and told myself she was wrong, of course I showed some of the symptoms but that didn't necessarily mean that I had the disease.

I had a horrific childhood which justified my behaviour without needing to put a label on it, I thought.

Its my third day in bed, I can't leave the house. I find myself in the exact same place I was 7 years ago.

Different country, different name, exact same cycle, same thoughts going through my head. Its terrifying.

I've burnt bridges with everyone in my life and nothing gives me more joy than being alone watching shows about friendships and relations I'll never have.

I feel out of my body sometimes, like I'm ashamed of the way I'm behaving like a child version of me but I cannot stop it.

I get paranoid and feel like the world is against me.

I'm not good enough.

I get bored of people and friends.

I can eat until I get sick and nothing will make me full.

I need to control everything around me so I don't focus on myself.

I feel like an empty shell, I'll change countries, names, jobs, friends, interests and hobbies just to try to find myself.

I don't look at myself in the mirror or on photos because I hate the monster I see.

I can't control my frustration or anger sometimes but I feel so sorry afterwards.

Today is a good day, I have found a community and people who can understand and who feel the same way.

Today I've accepted the diagnosis and it doesn't scare me anymore.

I don't feel alone anymore. I'm no longer unique but I'm not crazy.

​

I'm ready to work hard to become the best version of myself.

I'm not here to feel sorry for myself.

If anyone feels like fight back and kicking major BPD ass, let me know.

​

​

​",3.316739536123702,5.256654336088153,4.287517995201282,85.17942948547056,74.50964187327824,6.997920554518796,28.23860303918955,7.831003766801068,1.79674236203679,1456,60,283,21,31,471,185,363,0.182,0.6609999999999999,0.157,-0.8865,4,2,0,0,1,0,56.0,0,0,0,4,8,22,4,2,18,0,23,8,3,3,3,65,57,24,0,3,14,0,9,5,2,1,4,0,1,1,12,16,1,5,17,2,0,2,16,9,0,1,11,13,46,13,33,43,12,34,0,0,4,1,11,13,1,4,22,174,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351951986529965,0.0,0.0,0.14431774244403714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019570393474295,0.33863497474137977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819121376424642,0.048716073875411055,0.0,0.0,0.062022585897604135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357323813870085,0.0,0.04247122277329017,0.07694692085644746,0.0,0.07849614952649964,0.07311615268035501,0.0,0.0,0.07738955438515882,0.17549813899192893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370342241044002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628547584084682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898649677835102,0.0,0.0,0.07071531079143419,0.0,0.14558419911730766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712915445434022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198949242224212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657429682484961,0.06261643315797255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28182484681223297,0.14932043315013632,0.0,0.0,0.12735734654786274,0.0,0.0,0.07639142494400662,0.10765636802940144,0.0,0.10920176585638396,0.06683544496073493,0.03959603374158728,0.1168746359064796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241215993319146,0.06878638139160774,0.07150326637596217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039178962347124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913841355784553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0382897452597367,0.0,0.0,0.07377227245068002,0.0,0.07124403553526859,0.04921118344774143,0.17019037133108508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850668228045953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465064019889074,0.0,0.0,0.07589290826479872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332136821725403,0.053735111584427966,0.13457872758096606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370375394643352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966031711431955,0.0,0.07279209955865383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003930380399356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975352787011083,0.0,0.1110386518842382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781418924431546,0.1559835322108828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649732486376635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241557503161558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808942157840622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062309771524917,0.0,0.0,0.13208125369515988,0.06657429682484961,0.0,0.04730251217983357,0.0,0.0,0.07253069872165291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060430794217886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716103433483614,0.0,0.05072182872665785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617506871681537,0.33863497474137977,0.08973258341905092
bpd,smth-abt,2018/11/25,"BPD and pills Do you guys take meds for your bpd? Or is it just therapy that you're doing?
If yes, which? (Antidepressants, tranquilizers etc)",1.2780769230769238,3.611775269230773,2.3226153846153856,87.67238461538462,104.0,6.695384615384616,16.73846153846154,7.554174236665415,0.956747692307692,111,3,22,3,5,35,24,26,0.051,0.8320000000000001,0.11699999999999999,0.4291,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.737167241599584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263831627280893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897704463052534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250692267303881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200370899621732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346718606665493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anonymus12315,2018/11/25,"Idk what to do Hi, fast told there is this person i care alot about and she struggels with bpd and here a week ago she got really really upset on me, normaly when she gets mad i try to just take all the blame to calm her down but this time for some reason i got mad aswell. It ended up with she deleting me from abselutly everything and i havent heard from her in over a week and i dont know what to do.",0.8761363636363662,2.4898207045454583,2.5113636363636367,96.64954545454547,80.5909090909091,6.218181818181819,16.68181818181818,7.1686216300943375,-0.3177318181818181,314,5,78,4,8,103,61,88,0.131,0.826,0.043,-0.7674,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,13,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,13,2,15,9,3,12,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,7,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995798627158585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983110353516503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414898258685454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775927187941814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978354723024076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287032572170173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374715014820205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788697382840557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016951196625856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681296507113275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30347121825120704,0.24352675905726015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808575427184892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811226559460638,0.0,0.0,0.2263254474116369,0.0,0.16080924235611585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799821669996088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fearless_Photo,2018/11/25,"Anybody just a different person when they wake up sometimes? Literally the most annoying part of having a personality disorder. I can wake up and be a completely different person, thinking about dressing differently, doing things differently, having new goals.

I know it's a no sense of self problem. But in my head it's like I've suddenly realised what my sense of self should be. Then I might pursue it for a while, I might buy some new clothes or consider a new style or perspective on life... and next week hey presto I'm back to what I was and wondering what the fuck was going on in my head.",5.32,6.622274815789478,6.3218859649122825,75.11861842105263,68.38596491228071,10.261403508771927,31.793859649122812,10.411451182825502,3.4654070175438587,475,20,88,13,8,158,74,114,0.129,0.8490000000000001,0.023,-0.8908,4,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,2,0,8,0,11,6,4,0,0,16,17,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,9,1,12,10,3,17,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,7,11,62,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107103978186996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781478420446958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5493170430542842,0.15064429998954246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151631781009055,0.0,0.0,0.07470170630976318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697955072907143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223726809951538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092841606234112,0.06421608395879001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788790849775857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38084346966055294,0.13979041115876234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233923648837524,0.0,0.0,0.3443111227498105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577255995575978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742460373628651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999982722302686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732444473846744,0.08422293887420408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543511017272857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254360199347935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FreeuseFuckslutYuri,2018/11/25,"I cried because I wasn’t sure if my stuffed animal hates or not I had to spend the night at my sister’s place, but I couldn’t bring my stuffed dragon with me because I didn’t have space.

My dragon’s name is Tina, and she’s big and fluffy and I sleep with her every night. She’s there when I’m happy and want to cuddle, she’s there when I’m crying my eyes out, she’s there when I’m masturbating, she’s there when I’m having stressful phone conversations... I do so many things with Tina, and I love her so so so much.

But what if Tina secretly hates me? 

I wouldn’t know because Tina is always quiet (like most stuffies). Maybe Tina doesn’t like that I just use her for whatever I want. Maybe Tina is disgusted that I have her with me when I do sexual things or judges me for my fantasies. Maybe Tina was secretly happy that I left her at home while I was at my sister’s. I punched Tina one time a while ago because I was angry, and I felt so bad about that. What if Tina secretly hates me for all these things and more and I just don’t know about it?

What if I don’t deserve Tina? Maybe Tina would be better off with a better owner.  

I’m sorry if I hurt you Tina.  ",1.4045125958379003,3.026443180722893,2.709231471339905,95.797647864184,79.0401606425703,5.973055859802848,18.54709748083242,6.782984794422108,-0.1822385542168674,908,18,216,9,22,293,105,249,0.162,0.7170000000000001,0.121,-0.9105,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,18,15,4,1,3,0,21,4,2,1,2,42,37,29,0,10,12,2,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,12,14,0,0,6,1,1,1,8,7,0,1,7,3,44,8,17,26,4,21,0,1,1,2,21,9,0,8,13,138,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481551228756443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983878614808155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872817995572612,0.2883199660954823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915310245714844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597693294592925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996250431916396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353206903150093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25174429003335763,0.0,0.35022220674910304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860762699788968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265818513950373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996680262799878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284716439051535,0.0,0.0,0.11553536462532768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671915530255906,0.0,0.0,0.11988010283803707,0.4751649755612639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692239859695103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192657197047533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012469060352395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353903600091815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183286501288336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236364466876907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544725054732762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144286967668443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356666961357608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894859361419747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212420869684108,0.0,0.0,0.1394858722424301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399661668467644,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oddcharlie,2018/11/25,"heavy feels hey everyone. i've kind slipped into the void lately and i don't know where to put these feelings so i'm just gonna put them here.

​

i've been having near-constant paranoia about all my friends being mad at me, not liking me, or only hanging out w me due to association w mutuals, because they've known me for a while etc. i have a pretty big friend group and some other friends on the side. despite all this, i have also been isolating myself a lot. i won't reply to messages for days or in some cases two weeks. i can't remember the last time i made plans with somebody. my best friend asked me to hang out last week and the first thing that went into my mind was that she was doing so because she was mad at me and wanted to talk. i just expect the worst from everyone. 

​

this isolation is combined with heavy dissociative emotions. lately, i feel at most times i almost feel like i'm playing a character. like i've been dropped into my life, into my body with some rough background knowledge about everything and now i have to play the role. like i have no real connection to the people or the world around me, or even to myself. i have trouble trusting that what i experience is authentic. i question everything. 

​

i've also been questioning my relationship. in fairness, we've had our ups and downs, but overall we're working on things and making headway and growing together. but i am splitting. my partner is also mentally ill and i actually broke up with her a few months ago because it escalated into abuse. we ended up getting back together and things were better than ever for a long time, but a few weeks ago there was an incident that was worse than anything i've ever seen. i know that this stuff comes in a cycle and i should take it as a red flag, but i'm really trying to be empathetic because i'm coming from a place where i can understand her intense emotions and that there is often no real way to control them without therapy, which she is on her way to getting. i am trying to be patient but also i go through these periods in my head where i just hate her. and then she does something and i love her and it's a really dizzying time. she doesn't know all this, i'm pretty good at holding out a face bc i know how crazy i can be, if i acted on every impulsive or intrusive thought my life would be a wreck.

​

i also have been really self-conscious, having thoughts of relapse into my ED. I can't stop thinking about it. i don't even want to look at myself anymore. 

​

i really am trying to hold everything together, but i don't feel like i can trust anything in my life or myself. i just want a time machine to start my life over, i have a lot of regrets about my past. i feel like if i went back things wouldn't be so messed up now. but i can't. and the only solution i can think of is cutting off everything and running away but this is something i've already done so many times. idk",3.978151105651104,5.320901790540539,5.0650429975429985,82.712757985258,71.63513513513513,7.814250614250612,28.995085995086,8.296473431620573,2.0536371621621616,2348,92,455,36,44,773,266,592,0.106,0.7829999999999999,0.111,0.166,0,1,2,0,1,0,71.0,2,0,2,6,34,28,4,0,25,0,54,9,3,4,5,107,94,46,0,10,22,0,7,6,5,5,5,0,0,1,25,34,0,4,20,2,0,12,13,9,0,2,19,10,76,19,68,64,14,87,0,2,3,1,29,39,0,18,39,331,101,1,0.0,0.0644223385559954,0.05305956604307098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639560754701154,0.0,0.0544460500930816,0.0,0.0600012354718167,0.2174077258352847,0.0,0.2945620689419618,0.33034175653431064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053922756593412544,0.0,0.0,0.08948761528129623,0.04840291522956169,0.05083080344969508,0.0,0.05108460856039897,0.08361795519076631,0.0,0.13257950895406342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706042224588419,0.04808792120002637,0.0,0.060395418642212664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367392263103314,0.0,0.0,0.060983209013770225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035065664828242527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758160608154861,0.05564178726867283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232314106296432,0.04815775967309077,0.0,0.06063953807316714,0.07182484299968102,0.09836579902047182,0.04581104626483202,0.1039102126764228,0.19546543326178464,0.053186587274644224,0.0,0.0,0.16495374998179088,0.11653084377584255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046249089428381615,0.0,0.0,0.16803175747146346,0.0,0.05681461292602202,0.0,0.03090105704049577,0.045604943847445616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368143458163847,0.05580171305250527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662043094590969,0.11952647682431695,0.08864143735978952,0.12266874835747685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536191828376798,0.1593814897694103,0.0,0.0,0.048117814896714295,0.04565907631551,0.0,0.0,0.092450847785539,0.04907316478151949,0.051448428116360426,0.03629396292533426,0.055125024405580425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054794535896643695,0.0,0.05490056928668767,0.0,0.04339948755034312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270523794748726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051904556276034235,0.0376949383525426,0.0,0.05680752863378175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063244546144044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931845022905357,0.12181894163356807,0.0,0.0,0.1237752659277052,0.1393292676112686,0.0,0.0,0.05837555093898705,0.061593268358953415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672221467431361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371697613792882,0.0,0.0,0.038485026099518115,0.0,0.0,0.045457715590583064,0.0,0.0,0.06224332729228135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088123720213517,0.043702431840536037,0.0,0.0,0.06217951584044847,0.0,0.1444902817455634,0.06967920725874567,0.0,0.08633113798226145,0.19022971197387656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107457607926456,0.0,0.05311388108304267,0.056603529358821174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962106545986118,0.08631647429515549,0.1308426479580679,0.0,0.0,0.10080741828980948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241300091882061,0.0,0.039583715200104286,0.0,0.05541006537034445,0.03862455432645664,0.0,0.33034175653431064,0.0
bpd,joeyolly,2018/11/25,"Self-harm urges I’m three years clean, but the urges to cut myself never subsided? It bugs me so much sometimes I’m scared of what I’ll do if I ever snap.  ",-1.2679411764705897,0.773477500000002,0.9443529411764722,100.40358823529414,97.52941176470587,3.896470588235295,12.682352941176472,5.6839178017228535,-1.1950988235294115,121,2,29,1,5,40,29,34,0.18899999999999997,0.757,0.054000000000000006,-0.6858,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38793334108887656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315265442338788,0.0,0.3307674639966059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429369118963536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44740018322806346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42415888359577336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27617528074496994
bpd,Quiexi,2018/11/25,"There isn’t any stability Hi there,
20M diagnosed BPD here, I’m coming from France and I can’t seem to reach a normal state for a long time.
I’ve been fighting with addiction and depression these last two years. I finally found my best dosage of Subutex and feel really great on clomipramine.
But two seconds destroyed all these efforts. Someone mentioned one of my ex gf. 
I ruined this relationship bc of my drug problem and couldn’t get back with her. And now I feel guilty af again and of course guess who sent her two messages ?
If a single discussion can mess with me like that, what can I do to just move on? To forget what I did, to move forward?

I hate to be like that for a girl, to cry in my bed without being able to do anything. To know that it’s not worthwhile. 
Thanks for your advices, I just want to manage these obsessional thoughts and wake up each morning ready to go to the University in a good state of mind.",3.3729909909909916,5.065367524324326,4.017837837837842,88.22369369369369,73.75675675675676,7.311711711711713,26.387387387387392,8.021203637495839,1.4561063063063058,732,26,153,11,15,232,125,185,0.182,0.713,0.106,-0.9359,0,0,1,0,2,0,18.0,0,1,0,2,8,13,3,0,6,0,11,4,1,0,1,32,26,9,0,5,6,1,2,2,1,0,3,0,1,1,11,12,0,0,6,0,1,6,5,7,0,5,5,2,16,6,29,18,4,21,0,2,0,0,14,6,0,3,11,100,27,1,0.14658365463495338,0.0,0.0,0.15979782011215876,0.0,0.1432398508138111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996819117194678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062585802775445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127137823452614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383050204656315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846169816086312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626883906420916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101526157834226,0.0,0.0,0.12625228694595214,0.14877932389278786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999050214621866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823420025890455,0.0,0.0,0.1605752287001578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072141134890786,0.0,0.0,0.07658390952952977,0.0,0.08330686895069069,0.12294741489340995,0.0,0.16160899672079615,0.16147842156774989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472101164426324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055854309362312,0.11948524278725403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322673885649373,0.0,0.0,0.12972192163332733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800770487853274,0.0,0.0,0.31159045385953044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436208588854871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932887799544377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402607609306774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390524264814472,0.0,0.0,0.15737598767658662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344425388261108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419985489025735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495453505276675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637104822704253,0.08547410781216605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295727934208508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645883735522993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130141221818107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943950676510123
bpd,Swagpac_Shakur,2018/11/25,"An epiphany, real or not, is still and epiphany The pure realization of meditation is that we don't necessarily have a ""self"" and in turn there is nothing that is fixed in a permanent state. I feel like that goal is harder to grasp for the general population than it is those that suffer with CPTSD related symptoms, and an array of other dissociative  ""disorders"". We're basically searching for ourselves all while getting distracted by social standards forced upon us and our fun little egos. We end up shedding all the bullshit we carry, and begin the search again, I see this shitty cycle repeating constantly for so many others. 

From my perspective of reality, these types of areas are where we can shine and break through our own plateaus. After all the self-hate, the agony, the torment we put ourselves through, there comes an infinite treasure trove of peace and nirvana. For me, that's usually around the time that either I am completely in balance with my triangle, or everything in my environment is balanced and I am no where to be found consciously.   


It is so damn easy to get caught up with the awful wonders of our plastic minds, and inevitably that cyclical rumination leads to more suffering and weaker decision making. I'm still having my weak days where I return to my patterns and take joy in splitting to make myself spiral down into a chaotic crisis , all while consciously commenting on it from whichever part of my brain is trying to protect me, those days are always going to be there. However, the more effort I put into not wallowing, the more energy I get to spend on taking care of my inner temple, which leads me to remembering that we are superheroes in our own right. It's this type of constant shifting that coincides with the idea that there is no fixed or permanent state of being, no concrete slate that we can attach our identity to.

​

Or this is all just some bullshit that my subconscious has devised to protect me from myself. 

 

Either way I'm still here after eight of my own lives lost, so prosper in the fact that you are you. You are strong, you are brave, you have infinite wisdom and infinite potential, start loving the fuck out of yourself because you deserve it. 

No matter what comes at you, or what you throw at yourself, just remember, you got dis!",12.407785714285714,8.929406278571431,11.139404761904764,61.95267857142861,56.45238095238096,14.309523809523812,45.05952380952381,12.161744961471696,5.429595238095239,1847,79,304,40,16,587,225,420,0.13,0.7759999999999999,0.094,-0.9540000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,13,9,0,6,18,16,2,1,20,1,29,5,1,4,7,67,54,22,0,0,11,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,29,29,0,2,10,0,1,9,7,7,0,4,4,3,44,9,60,47,15,61,0,3,2,2,26,26,2,7,23,243,73,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978539392012552,0.127421267712359,0.14289879734726774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469034322168287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168883439527889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312822615223617,0.0,0.0,0.11990265317016648,0.0,0.0,0.2026067038452847,0.1233030239232114,0.2541710683122611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168658617996414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478160440281398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416009790013728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569272118786226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594628946741291,0.0840145954911026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289440674044907,0.0,0.1087207698977206,0.1843259222824553,0.0,0.06683569062192614,0.0,0.0940567302633968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275787442814524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745419391926779,0.11786768275081386,0.10384435370703156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837602162069447,0.0,0.1061400215170056,0.0,0.15699994173936388,0.11922954842189408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874407593902192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128418920954751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735105586276116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23644414847047035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385634946645206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664393404431085,0.10043111063041163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937132369474691,0.0,0.245368201249214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988000551865892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323900682728484,0.0,0.28175033197009663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223307517638053,0.17684351174801413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857442967038467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984375632983574,0.1279167538310884,0.0,0.0,0.14146022629675864,0.0,0.12952153074072933,0.0,0.0,0.0933466639022439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753390188258693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289879734726774,0.0
bpd,lexklo,2018/11/25,Scared to find help I know I have BPD...I match every criteria of it. Right now at this time I really need to find help for it. It’s pretty much been in controlled & ruined my whole life all while undiagnosed. I need to get control but I’m scared. I’ve read countless horror stories of the battles people have had to go through just to get diagnosed correctly. I just don’t feel like I have years left to waste living with this disorder.,2.08479797979798,4.425362227272728,3.2415151515151517,89.23782828282829,80.13636363636364,6.638383838383841,22.277777777777786,7.793537801064563,1.0621171717171718,348,11,71,6,9,112,63,88,0.244,0.665,0.091,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,2,1,0,6,2,0,2,2,14,14,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,7,1,13,12,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700225647038465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173722995083624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871509231769786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751762133259942,0.0,0.0,0.1978042175103888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541534579730125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726718608250374,0.1232990317499324,0.0,0.0,0.31549006089079384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034332892588015,0.0,0.0980874322116358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23136819382743856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948514898506264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752060651737207,0.0,0.12190611443526897,0.08431923570909526,0.0,0.15240099877800958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268742300587249,0.25594805194791986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965285541952105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558707587875502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263768718416342,0.0,0.11056620226621472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739175527675424,0.0,0.0,0.3455873626704145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063918931869037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269166739209165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114293354143256
bpd,4everfalling,2018/11/25,"This is totally heartbreaking I get intense feelings of needing and wanting a really close friend/boyfriend. I want to spend a lot of time together. Talk about everything. Watch movies, travel, party, cry, laugh and love.

But for many reasons I could never do that. I lose that interest when someone gets close. And I guess it's my subconscious telling me get away before they do. I NEED SOMEONE BUT PLESEE LEVE ME ALONE

I'm not doing to live this life for long thats for sure ",2.495242424242424,5.343678766666667,2.940909090909092,88.55045454545456,83.55555555555554,6.383838383838384,24.84848484848485,7.686295010490155,1.6163333333333345,379,15,70,7,11,117,68,90,0.086,0.7390000000000001,0.175,0.6245,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,3,20,16,6,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,10,4,9,15,2,8,0,2,1,1,4,3,0,2,4,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970611492573295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811632286362194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407787456497738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539531972864163,0.0,0.2118066286739456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732965661007984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974969263883748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897430241124834,0.0,0.3022256312062905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241588990130664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619634136193534,0.0,0.0,0.17026593415452654,0.17064197900825911,0.0,0.21571922516450687,0.0,0.16393092309967885,0.17402997148751864,0.0,0.0,0.1954919041448234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859511060253763,0.14871671615550888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352712820601144,0.1982538005482896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267560141595554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173306729551655,0.0,0.0,0.1549835434703386,0.16853549661659634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243643886390063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274635917089168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jive89,2018/11/25,"How do I leave my relationship? I’ve noticed that my relationship has taken off at an extraordinary pace and the use of the word I love you has become commonplace after just one month. I’ve met his family and he talks about our future as if we’re married. He’s a gentleman and a charmer. However, he’s also a compulsive liar for no particular reason? This has been taxing on me. Recently, he confessed to me that his diagnosis was BPD, which I believe, because of some of the symptoms that I’ve noticed in him. 

I’m too emotionally fragile to love him in. The way that he needs to be loved, so I need to exit this situation now. In the next few days—however, I’m terrified of his reaction. How can I break up with him in the least painful way? Should I reach out to his family to let them know what’s going on if he has a bad reaction? Help, please. I would even talk to a random person in the phone.",2.8150819672131178,4.425894114754102,5.030295081967214,80.72740983606558,75.0655737704918,8.814426229508197,26.40765027322405,9.3871,2.301998469945356,705,26,146,18,15,246,113,183,0.076,0.792,0.132,0.8877,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,1,0,9,6,1,0,13,0,12,5,0,4,0,21,24,10,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,4,1,21,3,27,16,3,22,1,0,0,3,28,12,0,4,6,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347576344412215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847888632647124,0.08649969163818629,0.15671517069615584,0.0,0.15987043191742745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871553860022524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596161287009576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372227760454582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675375741406241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064389214846207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511122500050027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798341892701176,0.0,0.0,0.1502494725074227,0.0,0.14510029856584028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842054014047159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326161395455756,0.0,0.0,0.21043110856814212,0.0,0.0,0.15091011166639234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32310358174436304,0.0,0.0,0.09615374368509266,0.0,0.15098945541044284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389984298980974,0.0,0.15576137101971174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589475664948698,0.14010713667910404,0.3046906536473096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594992749591162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748633312191858,0.0,0.22810444285805964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255429522553556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252640236407376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080025383284463,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,continuouslyfuckedup,2018/11/25,"Overwhelming Interests Does anyone else become tirelessly overwhelmed with personal interests and hobbies? 

Like, you feel as though you have to know absolutely everything about a certain subject that you're interested in before you actually begin a project - even though you know that it's impossible - then pretty soon after, it inevitably doesn't happen and you end up doing fuck all still. 

Is this a BPD thing? It makes me feel so lazy. ",10.427400000000002,10.687696506666672,9.343833333333336,61.46775000000002,57.26666666666666,12.833333333333336,40.08333333333333,12.161744961471696,5.339733333333334,358,16,52,10,4,112,59,75,0.081,0.722,0.19699999999999998,0.7638,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,7,8,1,2,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,10,12,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,6,5,7,12,1,8,0,2,0,1,6,2,1,0,7,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.21395692326041502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330509222884595,0.22464811272496027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421450223758176,0.1865660814583954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761384102191413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186764612309992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315571266446387,0.0,0.19419092275283587,0.0,0.0,0.14481292976840066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197048269630151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171934587455105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269361352826915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938825497229789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409887522329989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711475083193328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635145402675528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914411356593934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230566456620746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509378368559433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566033247528032,0.0,0.4308251320101284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NoYak4,2018/11/25,"Husband is my FP... HELP! Hello,  
I recently realized my husband is my FP. And it's bad. I can't fall asleep if he falls asleep before me or is on a business trip, and I'm on heavy duty sleeping pills from my doc. He sits down to play some game (rarely) and I have small panic attacks. If I mess something up I get big panic attacks because I'm scared I'll disappoint him. I will not eat or sleep unless I have done everything I have promised to do to avoid letting him down. I can go on and on and on with stories like this. It is literally on the verge of killing me - insomnia and sleep deprivation to the point of hallucinating despite being already medicated. I NEED TO MAKE HIM LOVE ME every second of every day... well unless I'm splitting and he made me tea without sugar, then it's proof he hates/doesn't care about me and I give up and feel the urge to run before he leaves me, become a bitch and shun him(I'm trying not to ofc, but fail sometimes.  


PLEASE HELP! I need to get this back in order! All advice is welcome  
FAQ answers:  
Usually a high functioning  
Yes, we talk about it - no it does not really help enough  
Yes, I force myself to give him as much space as I can and he really isn't asking for much",1.1641145599040357,3.460745129554656,3.026360773729195,89.65894137052031,83.53441295546557,5.764522417153997,22.10361373519268,7.093109894594671,0.7452586294796824,945,32,197,13,27,315,143,247,0.14400000000000002,0.735,0.12,-0.3227,0,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,1,4,20,4,4,6,2,17,12,5,2,2,36,33,21,1,4,11,2,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,13,3,2,3,2,0,5,7,13,1,1,2,2,30,7,33,28,5,29,0,3,0,1,24,17,1,5,6,122,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632599758482436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136527970593512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128775366605677,0.2708538333836176,0.0,0.09153558244007257,0.09939469852044032,0.07256660692098056,0.13147200845559875,0.2025911348361928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137076540269626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677193364460531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417403812786864,0.12182080736188605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180919577677304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300171405310018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005952330440899,0.0,0.1069868441514721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019097033171127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438856399743635,0.22839095020850794,0.06765404027789554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393730687707095,0.12577390384903514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170180664820982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604778358212695,0.0,0.12172802157708401,0.0,0.058157674640276574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743962131592698,0.1126399664405402,0.07946114032206639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992180963358892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501843155807925,0.17653556041891505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793391543274559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306718436817012,0.11253271593084144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252209447899231,0.0,0.11753914172022617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918133050516523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573824771557719,0.0,0.0,0.09164397949488703,0.11773510916331845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568106618834857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082137936201836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311074184473723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070326246095944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475177922231933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SetYourEgoAside,2018/11/25,"Im so glad I found this community! You're all so wonderful individuals and whenever I come here to vent or seek support, you're all welcoming with big open arms and always understanding. 
I don't have any friends but I consider you all friends and I want nothing but good things for all of you. 
I understand this time of year is difficult and awkward, the end of every year always is. But I hope you push through it and keep your head up high, your accomplishments are valid, no matter how small they are and your presence is amazing. 
Be safe you guys ❤️ And best of luck ❤️",2.4734466403162045,4.683995791304351,3.775968379446642,86.61146245059288,78.04347826086956,7.6600790513834,26.10671936758893,8.575989854853784,1.855956521739131,456,18,96,10,11,149,76,115,0.11900000000000001,0.627,0.254,0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,7,1,2,5,13,0,1,1,0,8,2,2,1,4,29,17,14,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,10,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,15,11,9,15,5,11,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,4,4,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175521787094306,0.0,0.0,0.12976296914733584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002520050695305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437304607350248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900835210501114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077262501378262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922238731614834,0.2948514489081328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004931416701998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894009077797835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583459927664293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016099821833353,0.0,0.18952560073760688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611647953113849,0.0,0.0,0.16960804870385407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830952794394656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653831501826765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677118173050989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112676695661729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972971037358063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254956140703848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693427741747336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24576142331080056
bpd,fukkerface,2018/11/25,33 F and just got diagnosed with bpd I never expected to be diagnosed with this. I never really heard or thought of bpd. It explains so much. I found out 2 weeks ago and I’m still digesting it. ,1.3502500000000026,3.436905525,3.9450000000000043,84.59000000000002,81.25,9.0,25.0,9.516144504307137,2.54525,151,6,32,5,4,53,31,40,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,13,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,5,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701828127551086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5882685285820383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740744496374593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25606351956907475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678251644453486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716780767384619,0.0,0.3602394328114994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961109871211525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650459096009964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540392306704034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187330943024597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,colorado_girl17,2018/11/25,"THANK YOU FOR LETTING THIS BE A SAFE SAFE SPACE SO I DON’T FEEL AS LONELY CRYING EVERY NIGHT AND BEING SAD P.S. Afraid to post, share, and be judged. Thank you for understand and being honest. - my thoughts every single day. First, thank you for reading this. I truly feel like this is such a therapeutic space for me and I’m sad that I didn’t find it earlier. For years I have felt extremely out-of-place and abnormal. This has become a place where I can say how I feel without judgement (at least that’s how I feel) and that is something that I have an especially hard time with (no thanks to our BFF - bpd) 

I have recently just joined this subreddit and like many things I just join, I thoroughly enjoy it. Not because it gives me the temporary high or “filling in void” type of feel, but because I feel okay, I feel like I’m not “crazy” or “dramatic” there are people out there who feel the way I feel. 

I have a very understanding best friend (and I love her so much and I’m thankful - when I’m level headed, of course) and I can say almost anything to her (she is familiar with many mental illness as she suffers from depression and anxiety) and she responds in a way that generally doesn’t set me off or trigger me. She won’t say, “oh, I’m sorry, just try to be positive”  “go on a walk” or “talk to someone,” instead she will say “I’m sure that could be difficult” “wow, that’s frustrating” or “are you safe” or sometimes she’ll text me the crisis text line number (741741) BUT she doesn’t completely understand... so it’s nice to have all of you.

Would anyone be interested in a blog type of thing about someone sharing their journey through “recovery” or “trying to get better”

The reason I ask this is because 1) it is very therapeutic for me to write how I feel, I do it on a google doc almost everyday anyway 2) I have found it extremely helpful to find out what people similar to me are thinking, going through, or are trying to figure out!      I thought that maybe since I’ve finally begun to accept this... disorder and seeking help, I want to share because I know I’m the few short days I have been reading through all of our brave posts, that it has helped me IMMENSELY. 

P.S. I spent way too long writing this and rewriting it and overthinking it. 

Let me know what you think, be honest. If you want, private message me. I’m always looking for input and always hear as an ear. 

P.S.S - sorry if there are mistakes, I’ve reread as many times as possible 



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bpd,babooshkaa,2018/11/25,"I feel a manic episode coming and I don’t want to deal with it I had a horrible falling out with someone I considered a true friend and I was willing to walk away from the friendship 100% in the wrong and bury it and move on. She’s texting me now and I feel like I’ll get burned again. It took me 6 months to get over her shunning and I experienced shame, regret for my action and neglect from peers because of my actions. I’m confused bc I don’t want to be let back in to be the center of drama again. I would rather just do me alone but I’m so lonely and sad I cry a lot and thinking how I blew it once again with people who I thought would never shun me killed my drive for existence. My sister says everyone has faults and we should be open to accepting them in our friend because we value them in our lives but she never has people working against her: I love my friend but am so hurt by her shunning me. I’m burnt and idk to go thru that agin?",2.2535396039603945,3.5412381534653505,3.470383663366338,92.66814975247526,75.88118811881188,6.238118811881187,24.011138613861384,6.6274283507984215,0.5516425742574262,745,23,169,6,16,242,117,202,0.175,0.667,0.158,-0.41600000000000004,0,3,0,0,0,0,10.0,4,0,2,1,10,17,1,2,7,0,16,1,0,1,3,42,31,17,1,7,5,1,2,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,6,19,0,1,5,1,0,9,4,10,0,0,4,4,34,7,27,19,1,27,0,5,0,1,19,10,0,2,9,117,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675437647459892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198718061556715,0.12439027738910158,0.0,0.19722560611871967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934955947698374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769551012188856,0.0,0.1667766040764796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545770899191767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359040487413795,0.11556771468196014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749466883225399,0.0,0.16903511800783008,0.0,0.09193697808358216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317692356240266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897328912876104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541963208584154,0.0,0.07903209973613609,0.0,0.1428448779690634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375301103054325,0.14600272311390775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912237049126452,0.1719347101167194,0.0,0.0,0.2495322540786559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227856941659814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243003348809772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864510016658268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137066240525596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365496141820496,0.0,0.1284264148343603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797311693552077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083094431900066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776966568003072,0.0,0.0,0.2298319309883777,0.17686886693850154,0.0,0.0
bpd,qualityKnight,2018/11/25,"I permanently fucked up the relationship with the love of my life. I have never loved and will never love anyone the way I love her. But she is gone forever, she doesn't want me anymore. Because I couldn't manage what ever stupid thing drives my chaotic emotions and decisions. Three beautiful years are now just painful memories that will haunt me forever.",6.0113846153846175,8.065973523076927,5.818461538461538,76.50153846153849,67.61538461538461,9.507692307692308,31.461538461538463,9.888512548439397,3.3118307692307685,289,12,49,7,5,90,50,65,0.245,0.562,0.193,-0.3544,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,3,0,7,7,0,0,3,11,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,11,4,3,10,0,9,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,0,5,36,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909351232882075,0.14037150395498274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237746068660488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582064912733454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159301987919035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559336131223145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179812292818375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.724751429984369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096669262627981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136158614399748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553411221548607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337169456586828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840960636789034,0.15934877151071208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927866191055862
bpd,issathrowaway99,2018/11/25,"Hung out with a guy I matched with on Tinder and it went well... Too well... we have a pretty similar sense of humor and ""watched"" Netflix (we were actually more caught up in talking and getting to know and each other and we kept making really funny commentary on characters from different shows). We went home the same way and it was a little awkward because I got nervous about talking to him in front of other people (if that even makes sense, lol). He texted me ""we should do this again sometime"" and then we had a conversation centered around a meme and then I said goodnight but I wasn't even TIRED I was just scared of continuing the conversation and saying the wrong thing but I really wanna talk to him now. But I also don't. Also I'm like, repeating moments in my head over and over again trying to find something wrong but there's nothing.",3.052768404907976,5.499708521472397,4.019934815950922,84.38671203987731,77.28220858895705,6.7743865030674835,24.9114263803681,7.865858978985527,1.536202760736196,671,24,125,11,16,216,105,163,0.107,0.8340000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.8338,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,6,0,0,0,14,9,0,3,8,1,9,2,1,2,0,35,20,19,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,7,21,0,1,2,2,0,4,2,5,2,0,11,3,17,4,22,8,3,25,0,0,1,0,17,12,0,1,9,95,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.1472244299697611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412965720913714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343036163877085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196712340046456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576239054482727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929246235658807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378897055595141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882178112045198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206621225152418,0.0,0.0,0.14938205008376676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483306796784682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133190276165348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291255813546149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370599601205811,0.15120836900069304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014097890920752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476095618831678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459218243876103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348597749555348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329852778594347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350906597142885,0.1199754944067811,0.15104418677774895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614478792281985,0.14921132146609342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637835415460665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022933163877014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339942400544034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242879038393468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975120296675815,0.0,0.0,0.2712951042637273,0.27971044245618343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32989876378713523,0.0,0.0
bpd,VanillaSarsaparilla,2018/11/25,"I don’t cry anymore... I get angry I was a crybaby all my childhood. When I finally started inflicting self harm I went from crying to angry and physical. I screamed at my family for all the wrong they have done unto me and how they picked others over me whenever I got in trouble in school. I was a pushover so it was easier to get angry at me. Well I got angry at them and made the next couple of years a living hell for them. They always said I had to stand up for myself, and I did..against them. They never saw it coming. I don’t forgive them at all and I no longer tell them my problems ",0.7738275434243178,2.8622360725806466,3.0703225806451613,90.0389454094293,83.43548387096773,6.073449131513648,20.828784119106697,7.321109707123232,0.6921694789081889,459,14,98,7,13,157,74,124,0.29600000000000004,0.6509999999999999,0.053,-0.9864,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,9,0,4,8,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,3,4,15,18,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,11,3,29,2,17,7,3,18,1,0,1,0,13,8,1,0,7,76,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974437563123522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903945238517772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537546504848544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242439457443066,0.4217663512354184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646420662728206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098351222703635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103068604919372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006053076521401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070910332784866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695235938498235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165797880098536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806832801531214,0.0,0.2041749995505452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837008143804184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261881373928965,0.0,0.0,0.1942959997067097,0.0,0.0,0.20027906095686432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588582414082498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780070082474935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726148441513179,0.17796920649601894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990214272894456,0.0,0.12363009216494987
bpd,modernparker,2018/11/25,"I Need Control! Yesterday my friend and roommate decided to leave which he does often but is usually back the next day in the morning. Well, he never came home and won't text anybody back, even his family. He took his clothes and stuff too and didn't even tell his girlfriend that he was leaving or where he was and is ignoring her too. We know he's okay because a friend of his confirmed he's over there. I'm just so confused as to why he left and why he won't talk to anyone. But what's killing me is that I can't make him talk to me and I feel out of control. This has been my BPD trigger I've noticed. Not having control makes me flail.

TLDR; my friend left and I was triggered by not having control over the situation",2.718,4.175647400000003,3.7596666666666683,90.3715,75.0,6.6000000000000005,27.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,1.2098666666666666,570,22,123,6,12,184,91,150,0.09300000000000001,0.805,0.10099999999999999,-0.0846,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,4,12,8,1,1,4,1,14,0,0,8,1,33,22,13,1,1,6,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,5,3,0,0,2,7,3,1,0,7,1,17,5,12,13,0,16,0,0,0,0,23,7,0,3,7,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658273759013813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043068337074515,0.0,0.07548380737570375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595580787931013,0.0,0.0,0.1416251329380431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555301676602418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798581895581813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836186727258652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357316923406567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673310233674128,0.0,0.06261066629755822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870053656264089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420860602672368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699626075794086,0.0,0.06805209661795729,0.0,0.0,0.2622298883674771,0.269076857995054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531100638220594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181617277581837,0.09550303822902356,0.0,0.13169144981140135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409778928970459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918676840997327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417523225065301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905495037208693,0.10823028098261328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757638507498846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637797796421364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133536983125436,0.0,0.2234692666822981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AriNSpooks,2018/11/25,"Still trying to get over my FP, but starting to date. I guess I’m just looking for emotional support, words of wisdom, and maybe similar experiences?

My relationship with my FP was complicated. In fact, my confusion about my feelings for her is the reason I went back to therapy and ultimately ended up on meds to help the crushing depression that followed her dating a guy in our friend group (I am also a lady, if that makes a difference). Through therapy the last 10 months is how I was diagnosed 

I feel like I was truly beginning to heal very slowly this past month or so (less suicidal thoughts = great progress for me!) Then, I met this amazing girl who I’ve been talking to for a few weeks and who I went on a (fabulous) date with.

I know it isn’t a coincidence the happier, more confident, braver me emerging coincides with meeting this new girl. I’m torn. I want to feel proud of myself for the progress, but I also know this is textbook Borderline as I am already feeling myself growing attached (this is something I’ve brought up to my therapist. I know she’ll work with me in the coming sessions to lessen the anxiety over this...but right now, it’s still just hard to process on my own).

I’m terrified of scaring this new lady away. I’m scared that I still grapple with what has happened in the past year with my FP, and that I am still triggered by various things relating to her (having to take a detour home in order to allow myself time to sob after passing her apartment complex anyone?)

Encouragement, advice (and the like) is much appreciated 🙏🏻",5.901336842105263,6.589520060000003,6.615894736842108,75.75268421052634,66.73333333333333,9.915789473684214,34.78947368421053,9.93914555978268,3.496500000000001,1238,57,227,27,19,408,171,300,0.11199999999999999,0.664,0.22399999999999998,0.9915,1,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,0,4,13,14,0,3,16,0,16,2,0,5,1,37,44,15,1,2,6,0,5,2,1,1,2,0,1,3,16,12,0,0,10,0,0,7,1,5,0,0,9,6,35,9,46,34,6,47,0,2,1,0,19,15,1,4,26,156,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894310128374064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302788086330267,0.17831107364706492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528669807903237,0.0,0.0,0.07795379827488942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047450287731038,0.08572606670803191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603555745833077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602296850989576,0.11315622614580123,0.0,0.11647943263065527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125407057931233,0.09874375207636346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905497314007988,0.0,0.0,0.22548324926017094,0.07964581980254133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613402239509191,0.0,0.058246979211290385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291401588376845,0.12281470509809925,0.11038894379299216,0.09858694809409912,0.0,0.0998698076075428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472690260452808,0.0,0.11182982760428778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838098295200046,0.09087619704242986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893312879852833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362039559854632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441795675911525,0.0,0.11200295176118227,0.0,0.12383612288939512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797456808635068,0.0,0.08195524264406008,0.0,0.0,0.21534828542973194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285253597119588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462646255055794,0.0,0.11969454078366006,0.0,0.09520867288691484,0.0,0.0,0.2232344278997018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582758409508809,0.0,0.0,0.07891056190362226,0.0,0.3561323448340276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194789397815307,0.12651330793351565,0.0,0.0,0.08382380696829375,0.08960844782003756,0.0,0.0,0.25498855171239754,0.12944416241266635,0.07406652975024143,0.0,0.0,0.0885076521754613,0.0650085456778508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569186510786187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919878557419921,0.06575749570633517,0.0,0.08942756805057969,0.0,0.0,0.2066977946365992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116333871246341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717935082825305
bpd,saulfuric,2018/11/25,"Unstable feelings towards crush I met this guy and I genuinely do like him and find him attractive. I was so happy for a couple of days when it became evident that he had the same feelings. After those couple of days, my feelings just went blank. I don't understand. This has happened several times. Why can't my feelings stay? I want these emotions. I know they were genuine. They're so unstable because there are moments when those feelings shoot up and then quickly go back down as if I lack total emotion towards him. As if I'm almost splitting on them even though they did nothing wrong. Please help.",2.9514574898785426,5.788785859649124,3.4598245614035115,85.87633603238869,80.75438596491226,5.9638326585695,28.944669365722,7.321109707123232,1.9866539811066133,484,23,84,7,13,151,83,114,0.136,0.753,0.111,-0.2533,0,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,19,22,13,0,4,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,5,15,3,11,16,3,18,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,11,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678196439051393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288682598664161,0.0,0.102162810450672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708757472705823,0.0,0.21616654926159248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770379290958572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069324179754084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236989266658651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531764758024872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524665939884867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594288810128824,0.14820146233580664,0.17840529418069948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233369584831816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210443523267456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187721243458881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608094890967345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839661982794701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893317808980576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863126762046566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465874485905474,0.0,0.09772451343747633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446966537575365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885037737366273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553598930635919,0.1512261313209987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832360501585824,0.0,0.0
bpd,hamiifan,2018/11/25,"It's the 1 year anniversary of my sexual assault And it's my birthday. And my fp is 600 miles away, too busy watching a movie to even text me back. I calmly explained how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way, and he read it and didn't reply. I feel so alone. I wish I could sleep but I keep crying. ",-0.19443496801705606,1.6435866567164188,2.232409381663114,96.10507462686569,85.41791044776119,5.0226012793177,20.01918976545842,6.1826913282559595,-0.07510490405117265,234,7,56,2,7,80,50,67,0.134,0.768,0.098,-0.6392,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,0,14,11,8,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,11,1,3,9,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,36,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861381857673272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595700066019351,0.2124388714385992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205835739230952,0.0,0.3034757572886287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824774183163923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190797108796816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455664340995073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763503491590234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764751079854966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929469985229427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929574360017176,0.0,0.3177032882054866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791241872910435
bpd,bambambud,2018/11/25,"Often quickly lose interest when dating 
Hello can someone who this happens to explain what may be gong on...
I often like someone the first few dates. After that, they I often lose interest and find them boring.

I’d like to be in a long term relationship. I just don’t know why this keeps happening and if I should ignore the feeling and keep hanging out w the person. ",3.8573708920187775,5.880784901408454,4.979929577464791,80.4354342723005,73.22535211267606,6.986854460093897,27.32629107981221,7.793537801064563,1.8542375586854447,292,11,51,4,6,96,54,71,0.133,0.7040000000000001,0.163,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,3,6,8,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,18,13,5,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,6,4,6,9,2,12,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,5,10,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110005138079048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006456288567461,0.18673134828149585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882577328153213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39025511831823495,0.0,0.0,0.12064745732618135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450166798665452,0.0,0.0,0.1942763536120352,0.0,0.491193840021576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916843506672149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569210698498355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720126039363882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980908756355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blakesry,2018/11/25,"When does BPD begin to show up age wise? I hope I'm not breaking sub rules, but I couldn't find any clear source of when the disorder begins to show up.",3.804545454545455,3.6091265757575752,4.4328787878787885,92.6693181818182,71.12121212121212,7.8121212121212125,22.560606060606066,7.1686216300943375,0.3825878787878785,119,2,29,1,2,38,27,33,0.179,0.708,0.113,-0.5149,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787895701005134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163352914094722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698542478560848,0.0,0.35876224859265565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746996579032219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40718674287335216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatforanyway111,2018/11/25,"I just want to be free to ruin my own life I'm married and have been for 4 years. I love my husband but as I feel myself unraveling I just want to be able to run my life into the ground without worrying about someone else. 

Selfish or selfless? I dont know. 

Anyone else ever feel this way?",-0.2445491803278692,2.0068719836065583,2.278831967213115,92.3054610655738,91.45901639344262,4.361475409836066,20.739754098360656,5.985473137389443,0.1621950819672131,225,8,48,2,8,77,45,61,0.10400000000000001,0.732,0.163,0.1813,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,13,12,4,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,9,3,9,9,1,6,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,32,10,0,0.2441816072833843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073745731770226,0.2501929127091527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28617902516640936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40796480037155824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208762434486643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469311149577199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419582546223455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449453810645972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038343405970792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689428345194552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880492770060681,0.19381999414328235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353823557802064,0.0,0.0,0.2479782750535581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572449492820309
bpd,KINGCOMEDOWN,2018/11/25,"DAE have the sudden urge to make friends, and then once acquired, completely cut them off? I keep having the desire to make friends, but every time I start talking to new people I distance myself and end up just deleting them off social media/blocking their number out of the blue for absolutely no reason and I have no idea why. I hate it. Am I alone in this? ",2.6791428571428604,5.095863485714286,3.481428571428569,87.91357142857143,78.42857142857143,5.142857142857143,22.857142857142854,6.1826913282559595,0.5415714285714293,284,9,53,2,7,90,53,70,0.20800000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.096,-0.893,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,1,4,2,0,3,0,4,0,0,3,0,12,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,10,2,10,9,0,11,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,6,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453430652154306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24837108188258156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098112064191046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995871682859151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660359824785374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338764641116652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26741612533918746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210555684815122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316247275570405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287865440405581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25227648641940503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422733418930138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243558867164455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414760459184015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766954712643084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040046734223576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813047518868055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375330145470614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,malwario,2018/11/25,"BPD Crisis? I do not have BPD. But someone I love does. We’re not talking, got pushed away for now. But i’m not going anywhere. Maybe some of you have those relationships where someone isn’t giving up on you or maybe you don’t. Since right now I cannot reach out to the person I care about. Know that you are never alone, you can also dm if you need some help. I’m no expert or anything but I can always try.

Thanks for listening. We’re all going through some feels rn i guess.",0.2578666666666685,2.521768120000001,1.7020000000000015,97.70266666666667,87.8,4.133333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.8038666666666665,372,8,84,2,12,119,66,100,0.054000000000000006,0.807,0.139,0.8065,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,6,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,2,19,23,7,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,1,2,12,3,10,22,4,12,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,7,3,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500959669766195,0.0,0.14285249970730374,0.14863671018206293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699948549050074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783129489498907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499632459075862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212793531653595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563226730495128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032205667354154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713607558972074,0.20304215155524016,0.0,0.14286888265254066,0.0,0.1967840500899548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197337284118448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817185618611084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122297932732296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589210990978701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324538780915125,0.13777254486355275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597517696501187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917846603975637,0.0,0.152551343419435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477668092304106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027098014533817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357819179890927,0.0,0.16446098325619318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127987249482973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IthinkIamtheLemon,2018/11/25,"It's my birthday I'm drunk, and I'm just going to buy everything from every fucking black friday sale I want to distract myself from crippling self loathing for a moment. Just got diagnosed too. Happy birthday to me.",3.798658536585368,6.409557097560973,4.524573170731706,80.8800304878049,75.58536585365854,6.051219512195122,29.76219512195122,7.1686216300943375,2.0802634146341448,175,8,28,2,4,56,33,41,0.187,0.7,0.113,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854331418043455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199515078734852,0.0,0.3412902848131524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510680972774447,0.0,0.0,0.21581781253883026,0.0,0.3037167356409684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042455722692829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961568135784361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398341682605666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsmeluigis,2018/11/25,"BF didn’t want to call me for 30 min out of the day and I kind of died Ugh- someone please tell me if I’m wrong or not. It’s break and I went home for around 5 days. My bf and I hangout every day and if not together, we are definitely texting. He likes to do his own thing, but he is by no means busy. Since it’s thanksgiving we were obviously busy thursday night, but apart from that nothing much happened. We mainly send pictures and maybe I’ll text if something really important happened but other than that we didn’t really talk. We make it a rule (not really rule) to call before bed. This is basically the only time I really get to have a full on conversation but he just didn’t want to. I know he wants to do his own thing but all I asked for was 30 min of a call where we talked face to face and engagingly. He made a huge fuss about it saying we didn’t have to talk THAT much, I know lots of couples go days without communication but he knows that not how I work and there hasn’t been one day in our whole relationship (1 year) where we didn’t have one conversation (excluding traveling etc). I just felt really hurt that I had to beg him to even speak to me (he was playing games all day in his bedroom btw/watching videos alone). I tried to explain but I feel like he just doesn’t get how hurtful it was. I don’t think I was being unreasonable. I get that he doesn’t really play when he’s back from home bc we hang out but I really just wanted to have one conversation. He doesn’t know I had a literal melt down in bed but I’m still kind of hurt by it",1.7152006269592484,3.390185857575758,3.544294670846398,89.91954545454546,78.3030303030303,7.339602925809822,21.07628004179729,8.216663640201805,0.8296812957157784,1223,32,283,23,29,411,162,330,0.07400000000000001,0.845,0.08,-0.4672,0,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,10,0,0,1,15,12,0,0,7,0,28,2,2,4,3,62,53,23,1,7,22,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,5,0,16,19,0,0,9,6,0,5,16,5,0,3,16,4,35,7,36,36,11,34,0,3,0,0,44,13,0,5,17,174,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296177227269103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799032663390269,0.08391121086415795,0.0,0.0,0.06901803034636267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637708047131603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27495754109523096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931504315486514,0.0,0.3473172402328647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315418598511364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001034160516144,0.0592840279634359,0.0,0.07562462330229161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04538412392416708,0.06412282540402267,0.08618134234302177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068387597253926,0.0,0.05101129506671151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874464411129466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006832067796466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882620028653502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693739220642688,0.1973136507783316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770202900766759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630867561221942,0.0,0.08493078226815418,0.05991387445090489,0.0,0.0901735425452712,0.09777230624239094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196428206874192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423139839323313,0.0,0.08612480846692885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246615559648735,0.06826467604284536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852685734034934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025069806320162,0.0,0.0,0.09636603853803773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137882166975525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424838880973142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605129714813441,0.06909976196393927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168051074473619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643120261183132,0.07845207174634249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192618813449652,0.057513026121280474,0.0,0.0,0.05233836043881427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093949767670536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176535951977524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320616593399842,0.0,0.1002111206359889,0.0,0.08652309374718026,0.0,0.06534457941885335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813581159163658,0.0,0.057800931777163625
bpd,afro-kween,2018/11/25,"dissociation. you know when you’re in a pool and under the water and when people talk/ yell out to you it sounds far and a little muffled or unclear.. but you can still hear them?
 
that’s what dissociation feels like to me.",2.91,5.0288472727272815,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,76.27272727272728,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.3473818181818187,176,4,36,2,4,58,35,44,0.0,0.9229999999999999,0.077,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,4,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,5,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,4,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868487658514246,0.3089779188687222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487458668809277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237690560255842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112975390012484,0.433478386765334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998408805772637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453948713864106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34762692868418765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gaea_boundless,2018/11/25,"I am quitting my job, the only source of income for my household. And it could be the best decision ive ever made. My employer is apparently gunning for first place in the 'worst work life balance' contest. I have been off meds over a month. Havent been able to visit my doc or start therapy in two months, bc my conpany shamelessly believes retaining prime availability for our customers & spotless attendance is entirely more important than the literal health of their employees. So im quitting. My wife is finishing up her degree program so if she gets a job soon great. If we lose the apartment frankly whatever. I dont fucking care. I have been fighting to stay alive for 12 years and today i realized after a suicidal breakdown over returning to work tomorrow that i need to prioritize getting help. I cannot do that with my job. So fuck them. I will get better or die trying. Literally. If this universe is so hellbent on me miserably working myself to death to stay afloat then i will spit in its face and say No. Kill me instead. Im done sacrificing every opportunity for recovery because this capitalist hellscape needs another cog in the machine to milk profits from in exchange for enough money to not die on the streets. Part of me hopes i die jobless and homeless out of spite so at least that way i can say i died free. But i think ill live. And i dont have some fancy poetic closing sentence but yeah. Fuck the machine, i know this world doesnt want me to get better and i will do it or god will have to smite me for defying what the system wants me to be.",3.2246358892921947,5.6117689703947375,4.529196914700545,81.2614473684211,76.40131578947368,8.008892921960072,29.89065335753176,8.841846274778883,2.7452830308529945,1253,59,232,29,29,413,187,304,0.13699999999999998,0.7659999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.8983,9,0,0,1,2,1,26.0,2,0,2,11,8,18,6,1,12,1,29,9,2,1,1,33,46,20,7,9,9,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,10,10,1,1,4,0,4,2,7,9,0,2,5,2,37,10,39,34,7,37,0,2,0,3,12,18,3,8,13,160,47,9,0.097313609482189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054392552167552,0.0,0.0,0.10204180447199268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059321473108074826,0.0,0.0,0.10963911371424206,0.10212462937896162,0.1721319589608062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992177104791827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769699869105591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40398465121992494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995856090638396,0.22810165111836034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055097216263084,0.0,0.0,0.08802573108592539,0.08199091309030566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277490651286952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698945916270146,0.20336937793332496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728859800133418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343981629003413,0.0,0.0,0.0652272611530611,0.0,0.0,0.09665437170745296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023079467998454,0.0,0.2897062250243964,0.0,0.1076630906812844,0.0,0.053481014800661086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687354802826078,0.0,0.0,0.08592970004074676,0.0,0.0,0.10886903715328768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208049023668842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809348235182556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534958932538728,0.0,0.0,0.1443136167495494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740113851303931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538115592719467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167200976291717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701000450653773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477537628504093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887907366189261,0.20744671944053925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064452941355662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112865934080449,0.0,0.0,0.06235463160485581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224192320742138,0.0,0.0,0.06606955300531364,0.0,0.09506125624359936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479617636255444,0.07724301363128501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253640010758634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266677395451571
bpd,2ISAB,2018/11/25,"Walking around sometimes along side stranger's and families Is it weird that I walk as mentioned and I can't stop staring at people's faces, their futures are memorizing. And I'm always looking at younger girls than I. Like half my age and I'm 44 average looking. 

I should mention that I've been kicked out of home for self inflicted wounds to my abdomen..

I'm ......I just want to be held by a pretty girl.

Anyone relate because I'm thinking I'm in this alone. But in not depressed. Heck , I might even have a beer with liver cirrhosis..
Fuck ME please",1.9516666666666684,4.461284770642205,2.8919495412844043,90.50715978593271,82.02752293577981,5.468195718654433,26.5145259938838,6.816661863887847,1.2121737003058106,436,19,86,5,12,138,84,109,0.07,0.799,0.131,0.6641,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,8,6,3,0,0,18,19,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,4,8,1,2,2,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,3,10,1,15,14,0,12,0,1,3,1,6,7,2,1,4,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456571103126713,0.0,0.0,0.1973609226843368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584862999298616,0.0,0.0,0.2111492179367083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445887065753953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204291235676142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666163242319692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360144338500013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192781571913497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23792071856615715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587896017829452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983594050072558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516209054682893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443754917577258,0.0,0.0,0.2603631844649037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413073079051009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474407008610224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345867868808321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830130170091084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198165285454013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990069523242646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SecureEarth,2018/11/25,"A poem about 'me' Growth
Flourishing inside of me
Bursting through the seams of my skin
Needing space 
Screaming. 
As I leave the negativity behind 
I wonder, 
What does it mean to grow? 
What does it mean to let go? 
Who is she? And what does she want?
What does she need?
What does she like?
I need to find out
I am finding out as I go
As I grow
I am growing
I am healing
I am healthy
I am strong
I am capable",-0.15209302325581575,1.953626348837212,2.0337674418604657,95.79902325581396,87.83720930232559,4.835348837209303,21.390697674418604,6.2581,0.12117581395348866,310,11,73,3,10,104,47,86,0.08,0.721,0.19899999999999998,0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,12,17,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,6,1,1,0,0,0,2,18,2,13,16,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,52,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7154511733134287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988935552038888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585499176599748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313533444234344,0.0,0.16720184304566893,0.0,0.07988358194868761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356224462599075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36372567321877103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964434668302388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732151836624974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gking97,2018/11/25,Feel like hanging myself I feel like hanging myself and I don't know what to do. I just got out of psychiatric hospital a week ago,0.08722222222221987,2.464210222222224,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,94.92592592592592,5.662962962962964,21.564814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.0650814814814815,104,4,21,2,4,35,20,27,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506772199929169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000564198792993,0.5652361607010901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31639898276848033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741246139175732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865422168287659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31732798627136644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ExtinctDodo,2018/11/25,"Now he knows just how crazy I am I have a friend who I love a lot, hes basically my FP. Earlier in this week I unexpectedly got discharged from my psychiatrist despite pretty bad recent self harming episodes. So I texted all my friends while I was upset, including him. He didnt know the extent of my mental health issues, despite being previously aware. And now hes being distant and its setting off all my fears of abandonment. Id reach out and he's just curt and indifferent. It hurts. ",3.1339883040935703,5.4726330421052625,4.798245614035089,79.4621637426901,76.47368421052632,7.590643274853799,27.39766081871345,8.515128840125781,2.1910467836257306,389,16,73,8,9,131,70,95,0.21100000000000002,0.652,0.13699999999999998,-0.7832,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,3,0,8,2,0,1,2,14,12,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,14,3,6,7,4,9,0,2,0,1,11,3,0,1,5,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096672950573536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28256982139718395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880156545424127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008365009287764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26691937651621744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26881964599419395,0.0,0.0,0.26209476703258155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760082072462534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348569315891985,0.2266375885094541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25306094551673874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554702836256345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479419352811333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619636619308325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142619249869764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sylviaplague,2018/11/25,"sending love during this rough time of year i know it's a bit early but i know for me the holiday pain starts around now. the days are shorter and colder and the nights are longer. It's really easy to feel alone when you're surrounded by all these cozy ads and people talking about family. 

I hope everyone makes it through the holidays. I hope I can.",3.1760476190476155,5.09854955714286,3.962857142857143,87.43047619047621,74.85714285714286,8.095238095238095,23.095238095238088,8.841846274778883,1.5538095238095235,279,8,57,6,6,89,55,70,0.085,0.65,0.264,0.9392,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,12,11,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,7,11,2,11,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,8,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530590383994306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21751138398496034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26675229391746225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757689905597955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23347410029155144,0.0,0.0,0.2303388091462629,0.0,0.12354393078007367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853627670553181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26856202021717457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205233287608114,0.0,0.16309658351666562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22929335531496406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25999137851645204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939223952531232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652828803805693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729427091302762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963885106518918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424746413525506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734476502033126
bpd,MordecaiThirdEye,2018/11/25,"Self Shame I've got a dark side
I've done things that I regret
I've been obsessively possessive
Of past flings and even friends  

I was paranoid and devoid
Of self awareness at the time
Detached and then annoyed
My mind would flip on you like a dime  

From loving and supportive
To hatred, the disdain distorted
Elation from any praise then
Escapes into pain sorted  


By the weight upon brain
Self criticism became so morbid
Ingrained within my cortex
My complex is not with sex  

But relationships bound to torment
My crippling fear of abandonment
Assured by every experience
That's lent it's hand to how I bend  

I want to be a good person 
But I make all the same mistakes
Self awareness is important
But I feel like a slave to fate  

My mind provides the signs
The flight or fight is by design
Helpless me takes a backseat
Then picks up the pieces again in defeat",4.9506418121755535,6.9460773251533725,4.93680981595092,82.00048607833884,70.22699386503066,7.2239735724398315,29.102878716375645,7.882392219407189,1.9907559226050011,696,27,122,9,13,216,113,163,0.248,0.584,0.16899999999999998,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,1,0,2,4,19,2,3,12,0,8,6,2,3,2,29,15,13,0,4,5,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,5,4,6,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,11,0,0,4,3,13,8,21,9,3,15,1,4,0,2,11,9,0,2,8,77,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560569807142088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336020613854722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589203603395971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257066218711124,0.0,0.13084245379802856,0.0,0.0,0.151907981929235,0.0,0.17474967358887064,0.0785216491456149,0.11094254032562764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998027362474445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302537978247804,0.12420333073255907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517382590133362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015949905466646,0.0,0.1036603953499079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136066859880192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524447357187633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482463305289691,0.0,0.1355973122416681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672835373621175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480248200350025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622654650225295,0.0,0.0,0.11676226207330502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103170875558409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055356851440484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915968174751539,0.0,0.0,0.18910706640097585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031687501117976,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tat2dgerl,2018/11/25,"Facebook group Anyone interested in a group on fb along with here?

https://www.facebook.com/groups/372949050115079/",22.025384615384613,28.05746692307693,11.264615384615393,37.45538461538465,33.615384615384606,11.353846153846154,36.07692307692308,11.20814326018867,5.0047538461538466,102,3,9,2,1,24,12,13,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dont-touch-me-im-mad,2018/11/25,"I need to chill So, 

I know i'm being crazy. But, my boyfriend is out tonight, with his two best friends. He hasn't paid his phone bill so he has no way of contacting me, and i'm freaking out. Like i'm so so worried he's going to cheat on me. Not because I don't trust him, because I do and he's a lovely and loyal person. I just don't think i'm good enough for him and I'm so so worried he'll find someone better or more attractive than me and sleep with her and then drop me tomorrow morning. I know i'm being a fucking idiot. And he literally has like 5 different messages from me on facebook once he reconnects to wifi and he's going to think i'm crazy and omg I hate myself and I just know he's drunk in the club probably flirting with other girls and he'll probably bring someone back and fuck them. Can someone please give me a way to calm down and stop obsessing. Because atm i'm just waiting up until I know the club closes and see if he reads and ignores my messages. Sorry this narrative is a mess but so am I right now",0.8769354175236543,2.83104668325792,2.904197860962565,92.13298128342251,82.16742081447964,5.82813656931304,23.620115178938715,6.980632752743323,0.7774506787330321,811,30,180,10,22,273,116,221,0.153,0.74,0.107,-0.7068,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,12,21,5,1,6,0,12,5,1,0,0,40,40,28,0,2,8,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,21,1,3,7,4,3,3,5,9,0,1,1,1,25,12,20,35,3,22,0,0,1,3,26,9,2,2,9,103,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597794761778137,0.0,0.2520482154174311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463751059271468,0.12189389664833992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399647253061146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240876456268764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259684001762707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064822785417799,0.2548316509135885,0.0,0.13221308868285708,0.15665681357074684,0.11560001291947787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607240811285626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30297728928975826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346674338503137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439130506814695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219455580019923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677778350945458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203423724202626,0.0,0.15128907727095764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971946018466329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786103564288305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177007196927954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982767555015503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379232732375723,0.0,0.3503328193364217,0.0,0.0,0.15428239154672016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522681679292728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662377320920966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463376602199786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187961370386084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799333933067118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eroticprincesa,2018/11/25,Bpd is confusing. I went from having a mental breakdown breaking a glass of water to relaxing and planning a business in a matter of one hour. Gotta love BPD. :),2.880537634408604,5.234660064516135,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,77.38709677419354,6.713978494623658,29.68817204301075,7.793537801064563,2.396281720430109,126,6,21,2,3,43,26,31,0.055,0.61,0.33399999999999996,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,5,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,14,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7787123030456999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30444465027082296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790146054765854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31154452506866115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094840319368572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865796629223778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ffsmimi,2018/11/25,"I'm So Sick of Feeling Empty How do I feel nothing and everything at the same time. I feel so empty and so overwhelmed at the same time. I want to die and bawl my eyes out and scream all at the same time. 

How do I shake this feeling? How do I get out of this mood? Help. ",-1.5090000000000003,0.4417137666666697,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,94.66666666666666,3.6666666666666665,15.833333333333336,5.148860815047168,-1.106166666666666,206,5,53,1,8,68,32,60,0.24,0.63,0.13,-0.8604,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,3,2,1,3,1,18,10,10,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,8,10,4,9,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125465100721396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706545096086615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090826470190691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573386244667004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185472664262252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288961875758022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5268095596046505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776262745794766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mercthegrouch,2018/11/25,"I’m an idiot. I fully know I get attached easily. I crave human interaction and love. So why do I have one night stands with beautiful women who I know want nothing more from me and then feel empty when there’s no love between us. I know it’s going to happen. The sad part is that I’m not even in it for the sex. I crave the part after that, where they hold me and fall asleep and I can just feel another human there, acknowledging my existence, giving the slightest fuck about me for a few hours. Then leaving and never seeing each other again. I know it messes with my head but it’s the only way I feel real. ",2.1653679653679667,3.922280904761905,3.955050505050509,87.10863636363638,77.25396825396825,6.486580086580088,19.39105339105339,7.348242739294969,0.42170793650793614,478,10,99,6,11,161,84,126,0.078,0.821,0.10099999999999999,0.4118,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,0,9,6,2,0,7,0,4,6,2,0,1,23,22,10,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,0,4,17,2,10,22,5,14,0,1,1,4,10,2,1,0,8,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867754280186595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764725878097272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019003036436584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646700197430452,0.09306088520761813,0.17086992016605992,0.10123028474325936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751183638680435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280356215853685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541333236364226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915626338421875,0.0,0.0,0.18860444950313546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215223633014209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373779172404655,0.0,0.0,0.16715451808307902,0.0,0.17091192986110407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069941805949815,0.13546906787381588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857754300847385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274072497931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193939753040638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425766464914686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506039699105163,0.14138418079811793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072652238794718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shieldneedsshining,2018/11/25,"Does anyone else feel completely disposable? I'm trying to get better. It's hard, but I'm sick of being chained to this. I want to be a healthy person, and to be able to be there for the people who need me. I've got hopes and dreams that this illness is stopping, and I'm so tired of feeling defeated.

So I'm trying to get better, and I'm doing well. I'm resisting my impulses, working more hours, drinking less. I'm doing everything I can affect tangibly to improve my behaviours. But it doesn't do anything for the headspace, does it?

I'm evaluating my relationships and realising that a lot of my friends are unhealthy for me, and that I've spent so long masking to blend in, I'd forgotten who I am. But now that I'm looking at my relationships, I'm feeling so inadequate.

Everyone I'm around is talented, and attractive, and interesting -- and I'm just kind of there, and it makes a sad sort of sense that nobody would put effort into me. I'm frumpy and dorky and easy to forget.

I do my best to put my all into people, but just once I'd like to know what that feels like on the other side.

I just want to be loved but I understand why I'm not.",3.49299850448654,4.515984097457629,5.2741176470588265,81.9757676969093,72.4322033898305,8.773280159521438,28.289132602193426,9.168548406835145,2.2676124626121643,901,34,188,19,17,309,120,236,0.14400000000000002,0.616,0.239,0.9802,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,6,12,15,0,0,6,0,16,5,0,2,1,42,47,21,0,5,9,0,5,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,16,15,1,1,6,2,1,2,2,2,1,0,2,6,16,13,26,39,5,13,0,2,1,1,7,7,0,3,6,114,32,1,0.13697568517840922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577658392005783,0.14034777650286231,0.11271931781707165,0.12193740034044882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374753086652955,0.2422877246586319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361639983809465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23973669032495865,0.0,0.0,0.13418402428686466,0.0,0.0,0.11442560863053515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308861371520007,0.12310491359518752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770360883401703,0.09785545686049156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582707458596073,0.0,0.14312828408560138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955196840415002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227033091533784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360477620814195,0.13489345825011625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263909772697894,0.07527825435041517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383880173812499,0.0,0.0,0.12121917100945233,0.11502507734201745,0.0,0.0,0.11645182924182775,0.12362590376131652,0.0,0.091432333490215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156573494718564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587463431224776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189923386511038,0.11960188489931345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753967930848169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941212483249012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451780617432415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743340017528906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599499783204404,0.0,0.0,0.14259651897771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158361607171054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315759109386687,0.0,0.12359925066858103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971993018241876,0.0,0.0,0.09730359672634137,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whostolemywheelchair,2018/11/25,"I hate bpd ive been trying to do music for so long. all my friends are so determined and actually make loads of music and put their best into it. but i cant keep my interest long enough before getting depressed cuz its not an instant reward. anyone else know what im talking about? 

sorry about the rant ❤❤",1.9871428571428569,4.0607850952380975,3.86373015873016,86.0632142857143,79.0,6.104761904761905,23.198412698412696,7.1686216300943375,0.9575841269841264,243,8,48,3,6,82,53,63,0.254,0.657,0.08900000000000001,-0.9197,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,1,10,10,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,4,6,9,3,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.22120120847386465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849579041171447,0.23225438681248775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928829506891017,0.0,0.2378804671446583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854880744951658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523405694726148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935711152922075,0.0,0.0,0.2342149232301024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512783549955596,0.0,0.11842785359391478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379373009628692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24484690887392255,0.0,0.0,0.2014783414685804,0.0,0.0,0.12457414887590752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011988637688787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130671164691864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278700628603662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537430796681415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219204296782385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538968241894106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GodFather64,2018/11/25,DAE go through very short periods of just attention seeking? like to the point that you've done some really regrettable things to get your friends or new people you barely know yet to pay attention to you,8.769210526315792,8.482368552631579,7.656842105263159,74.00789473684213,60.842105263157904,12.86315789473684,37.42105263157895,12.161744961471696,4.655484210526316,167,7,30,5,2,51,32,38,0.115,0.757,0.128,0.1548,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,6,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977223676245497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002688792820771,0.0,0.20305280866968087,0.0,0.2208779079813404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359106028911207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987403346257808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753591584559916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694399454971403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673984698055625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489781911846825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582008045369641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206757281636397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,doremilea,2018/11/25,"BP’s redemption in marriage. Is it possible? A couple of months ago my husband said he couldn’t do it anymore, after 3 years of marriage. He started seeing a therapist who told him he was in an emotionally abusive relationship. As someone who was in an emotionally/sexually abusive relationship prior to our relationship, I struggle with trying to validate his experience and also wonder how this happened. His therapist asked him to read “Stop Walking On Egg Shells.” I’ve been in therapy myself for almost 3 years and haven’t been diagnosed with BPD, only GAD and MDD. These BPD traits (minus the impulsivity and suicidal thoughts) seem to make a lot of sense in the context of our marriage. I’m currently finishing up 6 weeks of outpatient behavioral care and we have been separated a month with very limited contact. I invited him to a family session last week to talk about all of the things
I was learning (lots of DBT skills) and the questions that have come up for me about myself and our relationship and what I wanted to do for myself moving forward. I felt confident in what I had to say and the work that I’ve done but his response was that we had been over those issues before and was I really doing this program for me to feel better or for him, as in doing it because I thought it was something he wanted me to do or would keep the relationship. He is very scared and anxious about things returning to the way they were and old habits coming back into play. 

I’m doing this work for myself. I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD, just traits and acutely experiencing emotions (as a musician this kind of comes with the territory). I feel more empowered after this treatment program and how to actually communicate effectively and specifically and realizing how much of my reactions to things, especially in romantic relationships, is rooted in fear and the need to feel safe and not alone. But it feels like he won’t believe things will change or can become healthy in our relationship. Yes, there are areas he has to become healthier in, like accessing his emotions in the first place and being able to communicate them. However, when he is the one who wanted the separation I feel like I have to be the one to make a demonstrable change in my behavior, which is impossible if I can’t communicate or be around him. I have been in so much more pain since that meeting and so, so sad. I want a healthy me in a healthy relationship more than anything, and I want that relationship to be this marriage. What do I need to do or what does he need to accept to show or understand that BPD can be managed in a healthy way and that I’m not going to be the hurtful person I was prior? ",9.573537549407114,7.8262559980237185,9.710553359683797,64.6271343873518,60.16600790513834,13.226877470355733,40.57707509881424,12.043149292134785,4.898617391304349,2149,94,380,56,23,717,232,506,0.075,0.8079999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.9652,3,1,1,0,0,0,41.0,6,0,2,7,15,15,0,3,26,1,51,4,0,7,1,86,87,42,1,11,12,1,6,3,0,3,3,2,0,1,32,34,1,4,16,3,0,7,7,6,0,3,22,10,46,9,74,55,8,54,0,2,1,0,52,25,0,13,25,284,78,8,0.060662645944783926,0.1437506316305922,0.05919799175022919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053773775455439474,0.0,0.06074487721264942,0.06282820630200459,0.0,0.04851189604523338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853152298193232,0.06016104423800332,0.0,0.0,0.049920188820142576,0.05400261611865974,0.05671138510311139,0.0,0.0,0.0466458302498729,0.0,0.036979385917617236,0.13399425284794972,0.051619443684017656,0.06834602860111033,0.0,0.05365118064052811,0.0,0.0,0.3056099158834468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061849610494124574,0.0,0.12834607165955542,0.15676649413101446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712206391593709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314261739058037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053086290264637515,0.06207894842232785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471193515687786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933970798312625,0.05718734375951075,0.0682623419073581,0.1533642824912534,0.08667481276784686,0.05824565328023209,0.0,0.0,0.05159961565110617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0344759796616451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053643777467507626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494061713857709,0.0,0.0,0.06331604171614395,0.0,0.05391974699593964,0.0,0.06317081073202813,0.0,0.04944815298049853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889101138600521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031464245310151,0.0,0.0,0.08098557444261785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684069047545073,0.06447479232704299,0.08918804940583598,0.13494174994338465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636552423636314,0.0,0.08221315770760472,0.046136675804526836,0.06454933231980134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296828257165366,0.06337955362627168,0.0,0.0,0.06838801857270195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795604675688212,0.0,0.060679062118302825,0.0,0.038862044348054264,0.0,0.0,0.5861608144488899,0.0,0.0,0.057704067899632214,0.04824137087561529,0.060733891274877314,0.0,0.048340274798745884,0.05522499453848651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018076759601151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139926305128869,0.04670106855702818,0.0,0.0,0.04293733302864323,0.0,0.0,0.05071668830331525,0.0,0.06341776881402042,0.0,0.06635508871774083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048758336950229415,0.0,0.0,0.0693730224398773,0.14086801502984372,0.16120626579981528,0.0,0.0,0.0963187295937036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057965757840821336,0.0,0.04118595459584756,0.0,0.0,0.06315195381163381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010607202135258,0.1789020014659713,0.096302369474444,0.09731983092501932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578605183189166,0.08832625747285781,0.0,0.0,0.043093003182834204,0.0,0.0,0.07812951017093607
bpd,mefuckingtoo,2018/11/25,"DAE feel like they are wasting their whole life worrying about what their SO is doing on their phone I’m so embarrassed by this but this is literally what goes on in my head for days:

Me silently: Omg he’s on his phone I can see he’s scrolling on something oh god he’s totally looking a girls who are way prettier and younger and sexier than me, oh shit he’s smiling!? Wtf he’s messaging them now. Fucker! I’m sitting right in front of you and your doing this

Husband: check out this picture of a political protest haha this sign is so amazing

Me silently: ok phew I totally pulled that narrative out of thin air based on the fact that he was scrolling on his phone and I made up a completely paranoid story [think about something else for 60 seconds] omg fuck he’s probably done looking at political stuff and started tryna find a side chick on his phone I know it. Ok don’t ask him anything just keep your mouth shut. Resist all impulses to walk over there and try to peep his phone. 

Ahhhhhhhhh 

My capacity to imagine shit is fucking out of control. I just feel really bad for him. I am sure it is hell to be married to someone who is suspicious af

",1.630173055151218,4.204467200873367,3.2793498301795267,86.65773734433125,84.41484716157207,6.536697396086043,26.385411612485854,7.793537801064563,1.7730600355814332,915,41,183,18,27,302,140,229,0.19399999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9805,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,5,1,9,15,7,1,5,3,16,8,4,2,5,27,31,10,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,14,9,0,2,6,0,1,3,1,9,0,1,3,6,25,6,31,27,4,28,1,0,3,3,33,20,6,0,4,110,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739655685932595,0.0,0.15608813251817588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940736840476425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505782707370093,0.0,0.18726352061983956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767750590378464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086140834535354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947639984729585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884330654612334,0.1192786037291965,0.0,0.0,0.15260141713770478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087097320164264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135249869305216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840463866552606,0.0,0.0,0.09175865463374147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179311054557288,0.08156982711179647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804142162201288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579846966933293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001465980360745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069609553195964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258573259733906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304812084968315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427708241993341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146744904747474,0.2570729868232368,0.0,0.0,0.11817747204668815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113301501096155,0.0,0.0,0.15736091960845075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069833309552948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113357110343114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325276836477466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640854441902005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955931988893258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notdatsyuk,2019/05/05,I don’t have a single friend and I’m too scared to leave my room. Does anyone just want to talk. I try to put myself out on social media but just end up deleting everything.,0.5074324324324309,2.6129964324324355,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,84.67567567567569,4.781081081081081,14.655405405405405,5.985473137389443,-0.7556972972972971,136,2,30,1,4,45,32,37,0.08900000000000001,0.816,0.095,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321484849961615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905434041340753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940615204730621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983883744544487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256509410037139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515497026289236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337608508819063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33239903239323026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33844147046533696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668563413795864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541238785261575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958275714999335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,levanteen,2019/05/05,"Is there hope? I made everyone who ever loved me regret it 

I feel like I’m just a constant drain on anyone who is or becomes close to me, and that I suck people in like a black hole and then ruin them 

and it almost makes me feel guilty for being close to anyone at all, because it’s almost inevitable that they’ll suffer because of me and then grow to resent me or just get bored of my shit 

If anyone here has ever felt like this but has ( or has begun to ) heal from it/become better at not doing that or feeling that way, please please comment and let me know because as it is now I’m having trouble finding any hope

and I could really, really use some hope right about now",5.1843571428571416,4.809929150000002,5.900714285714287,83.92678571428574,68.21428571428571,7.857142857142858,25.357142857142854,6.6274283507984215,0.9387857142857142,531,11,109,3,8,174,86,140,0.122,0.6940000000000001,0.184,0.8934,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,9,16,3,0,2,0,12,3,1,3,3,37,28,15,0,6,9,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,2,5,13,8,14,22,2,17,0,3,1,1,6,7,2,11,11,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274208644178992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310942601808847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872102615617247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503931460642573,0.302431942306751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210934829165962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796049707989006,0.0,0.1093184582394543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477016453615448,0.0,0.1308317062745622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769065918197274,0.09781476226521234,0.13146344472292573,0.0,0.12514123130203447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153438106788552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079735540046624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524694880862526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000866964449213,0.0,0.2006747144291523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357449215606728,0.12955580519439885,0.09139431004291634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492220207334022,0.0,0.0,0.3005912813966607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542727847484665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692784037013315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054510042986826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825381479804263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867970838252304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kitschyprincess,2019/05/05,hypersexuality does anyone else feel a weird gravitation towards becoming the sexual fantasies of others and / or having an unsatiable sex drive? from a young age i have been so concerned w being sexy and although i didnt lose my virginity until late (18) i have always had a really high sex drive. My last boyfriend couldn't keep up and i wonder if this is something to do with bpd,5.852916666666665,7.2155551250000025,7.070444444444441,70.01899999999999,67.19444444444444,9.648888888888887,29.677777777777766,9.888512548439397,2.988374444444444,307,11,53,7,5,104,61,72,0.026000000000000002,0.8859999999999999,0.08900000000000001,0.6395,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,0,10,3,0,0,0,10,13,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,1,6,0,7,8,0,10,0,1,0,3,0,3,0,3,5,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221415846635932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866726045857292,0.2735437401846864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29484892743737795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362411222767618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336284641091185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302034088204709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498875731950027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28206993325141283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23729643968369415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761731656661068,0.3011553584785228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986726988590933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102870982160848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552762049943266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895190862399709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ughleigh,2019/05/05,"My boyfriend's best friend told him he should leave me I don't even know why he told him that. I feel so upset over it because I already worry about him leaving me because, bpd. But to hear that this guy who cheated on every woman he's ever been with, insinuating that there's something wrong with me and that my bf should leave me, tbh makes me feel livid. Like who does he think he is? And I don't think I'm that bad. My bf's ex cheated on him and treated him like shit and I'm doing none of those things but he's telling him to leave me?? I'm so paranoid now that he's going to decide his friend is right and he'll break up with me. And I'm so confused as to why he's told him that, because I've been suppressing a lot of my bpd symptoms and I would consider myself a good girlfriend. But do people still see something horrible in me no matter what I do? This guy is a completely selfish person who will use anyone if it benefits him and he's saying I'm bad? What's funny is I always said it was important to me that my bf's friends liked me, and I get shit on for no reason. We're coming up on our year anniversary and I feel like I've already done something to fuck things up. I feel embarrassed and deleted my facebook because I don't want anyone he knows to look at my page because I feel like I'm just going to be unlikable to everyone that he knows. I thought we were good together and now I'm left feeling like people don't see me as being good enough for him. I feel weird and sick inside. I want to hide. I haven't done anything wrong and I feel like I have. And I can't stop second guessing myself, maybe I am a piece of shit and he deserves better. Idk this has been so hurtful to hear. I'm all over the place in this post I'm sorry but I really just needed to vent.",2.170043516100957,3.374582422976502,3.715370757180157,91.16403959965187,75.94516971279373,6.4643690165361205,23.732724107919932,6.88968998030894,0.6407093820713659,1400,42,316,13,30,465,167,383,0.21100000000000002,0.642,0.147,-0.9768,0,0,3,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,0,2,13,33,6,3,5,0,29,6,3,3,2,60,73,27,0,7,7,1,8,7,7,5,2,4,0,4,24,21,0,2,16,0,0,3,9,16,0,1,12,15,53,17,35,54,7,26,0,1,3,1,48,15,4,4,13,188,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412793156176855,0.0,0.0618778929276369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399590384277954,0.0,0.0611963115468402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418385065584722,0.22666200538410514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780418020030358,0.06577007104606106,0.0,0.0,0.1873210024464169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405912745717626,0.07797060981144904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507758152929738,0.15220305683700133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768392415076453,0.0,0.04911758409467918,0.06726767791820712,0.06265597872279703,0.07105923794992301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30081067025789504,0.21250636148495444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723633557726954,0.06874952826278362,0.03885280373272695,0.0,0.08452703573930649,0.1871222744951894,0.0,0.0,0.08192176997471247,0.1472666917847922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676302119941638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960959949039477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226076841612835,0.0,0.0,0.3149684915769301,0.08079812393676891,0.0,0.0,0.25431792956109994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062448128723995876,0.0,0.0,0.06322272491080506,0.0,0.0,0.049639420057547234,0.0,0.07470994652748952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055140933059926865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311108118860662,0.064932917902908,0.07769591824636672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122140789327146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047640320068482005,0.07645992139606686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350756608184202,0.07073843669599783,0.059138277144489076,0.0,0.0,0.11851904356781125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900475775764514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175014008559256,0.0,0.08324587310928491,0.0,0.0,0.05938823044590715,0.0621727267341855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729402821918126,0.0,0.0,0.06499855633593918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881001152391124,0.09530057231582728,0.0,0.059037747285460976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317771384976905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064227748788858,0.0,0.0,0.08772516993082619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420624605172904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755215793086968,0.0,0.05282698063837505,0.16261357887236375,0.0,0.04788881971830019
bpd,lil-mess-,2019/05/05,"Having a fp One of the most important lessons while having a fp who is a ldr for me is ‘you can’t control being saddened by a situation but you can control not to get mad about it’ regarding the moments where I simply just get icky feelings over nonsense

I’d rather have a feeling where I generally feel shitty for no reason at all because I overreact out of feeling left alone rather than putting it on the person who loves me so much and sticks with me through all my fucked up bpd moods

I’d rather use coping mechanisms for deep sadness like reading a book or watching a sad movie and crying rather than having an argument over something that doesn’t really matter and bruising the relationship I have with my significant other

Rage is such a better emotion to feel than Sadness because you just put it all out on the innocent person that was the catalyst (but not quite) but trust me that sadness is a much easier to resolve emotion


Any input?",21.11752747252748,8.263684434065931,18.16928571428572,45.838214285714294,53.560439560439555,21.057142857142857,64.18131868131869,13.427899808715575,8.130127472527473,765,34,134,13,4,247,111,182,0.245,0.603,0.151,-0.9787,0,1,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,6,11,13,3,0,16,0,14,2,0,4,3,36,24,9,0,4,12,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,2,8,2,0,2,5,7,0,1,1,6,13,5,24,22,6,16,0,4,1,2,9,12,1,2,3,104,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555812702766678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213867191702586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311660798739934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283647050412906,0.0,0.0,0.18916705136939016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369159673885168,0.0,0.0,0.1649836433942762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379013672101501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797189501575853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885411005343568,0.1569427928223043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318877927923964,0.0,0.0,0.07337835238844001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555807453038754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082320561776395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177693732454317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622913278508081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019776427640796,0.0,0.15975231167823764,0.15023700036169058,0.0,0.09621963107128466,0.15442686820519924,0.0,0.1612546759551915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688269961072853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562849208206945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297214268107243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,favorite___color,2019/05/05,"little triggers by fp who is an amazing person fp is also boyfriend. ive gotten pretty accustomed to how he treats me and all his behaviors that when i notice he hasnt done something nice he usually does, im sent into a panic. we just had our first fight a couple of weeks ago after dating six months (he's made things that easy and i believe ive had good self control w my emotions this whole relationship) and it ended well/ just made us stronger. but i wish i could communicate the little things that trigger me without sounding like im trying to control him and like i have him whipped.",2.48628205128205,4.935282863247863,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,79.34188034188034,5.609401709401709,25.134615384615394,6.816661863887847,1.1180205128205132,473,18,88,5,12,153,86,117,0.094,0.7879999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.4222,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,3,0,0,3,6,9,1,1,4,0,10,0,0,7,1,20,15,8,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,2,7,1,16,7,7,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,0,11,58,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308739860058939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180676854167402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633976533993458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311817144435891,0.11787855713219443,0.16336089439917628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920079258627182,0.15108701887255174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607517146322176,0.13076525219175664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558254129335586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383345952727927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189531533923194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425893041172422,0.2959482099363085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794011483580109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784487013179593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808916233994042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322377431115046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891358684277787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502029966672195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851014856562698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540207592112338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366051464728508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617096247808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002378947686682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759278783064802,0.0,0.16260464393775795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842793334393414,0.0,0.13274612543265754,0.0,0.0,0.16483483041246558,0.16977875797258268,0.14231972852977345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xanny_trejo,2019/05/05,"What do your parents know about bpd Just a short question. I was diagnosed with bpd about 8 years ago and by now I have no clue what my mom knows about bpd. I think she knows that I was diagnosed but I don't think she has ever done a real research on it.
I don't want to give her bad vibes by talking about it, I just want her to understand what I'm going through. What's a reason for many things I do. I just want her to know that I'm doing my best fighting this inner demon. Of course, I have my moments in which I lose those fights, but no one is perfect.",2.147015610651973,3.0396089173553733,3.4037465564738305,94.60541781450874,75.5289256198347,6.369513314967861,22.535353535353536,6.42735559955562,0.2211755739210286,433,11,104,3,9,141,72,121,0.18899999999999997,0.7240000000000001,0.087,-0.8248,1,0,0,0,3,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,9,6,2,0,3,0,12,2,0,1,2,22,26,3,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,20,2,15,23,1,10,1,1,0,0,13,4,0,1,5,74,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180258381027693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414793315468578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603846018907316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5618004716563725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30182956304953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215903538459954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344964443855775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263469199914128,0.08450258811678307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268592600861212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634338869057969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074588633546765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414111704575466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007545640722534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650999809362146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656413785770427,0.0,0.0,0.16923903771361667,0.0,0.1528756140248497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950945861440845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878143285861034,0.1905460173602942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478903265659824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630993919508372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574993781954197
bpd,SpinelessLaugh,2019/05/05,"Who am I really fooling? I’ve come a long way in dealing with my BPD but the harsh truth is that it’s just not enough. Wonderful people have promised to always be there for me and then replace me with women who have less baggage. My FP is actively and desperately trying to connect with new women so that he’ll have an excuse to disappear from my life.

I always said that this would be my last stop on the roller coaster. This is me at the height of the ride, unbuckling my harness.

I hope everyone has more success than I have. I’m sorry, I tried so hard.",3.10423795476893,4.633613858407081,4.343834808259587,86.28226155358902,74.13274336283186,7.500098328416913,25.829891838741396,8.167268648758528,1.5402180924287117,438,15,90,7,9,144,80,113,0.16699999999999998,0.68,0.152,0.0146,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,0,1,14,18,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,8,6,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,13,4,13,13,3,13,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,5,64,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656655839811933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767419853469122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892777625633399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265317707927305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270396161632689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996123585368412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683473738140034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182412659070991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910911022638326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520165269929598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445395446842895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221640565619115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233297359469405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076453345999312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090133530775557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459695164485418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370394783437327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983642153184466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441128403787526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382875901060208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608974232271353,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anarchowastoid,2019/05/05,"Son's mom w/ raging, untreated BPD is in an abusive relationship Not sure if this is an appropriate place to post this but looking for help getting a loved one out of a physically abusive relationship. I think myself and this person's family are doing all we can at the moment but looking for any suggestions or advice to help her. We have looked up this jerks arrest records, and have reached out to Women helping Women and the YWCA. 
If this post is in anyway inappropriate to post like this, let me know so I can delete it. I am 42 and new to Reddit.",6.715277777777778,6.455963675925927,7.6003703703703716,72.63166666666667,65.01851851851852,10.162962962962963,31.88888888888889,9.725611199111238,2.8865444444444446,439,15,82,8,6,148,73,108,0.14300000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.158,0.4323,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,6,0,11,1,0,0,2,18,18,10,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,8,3,14,17,1,12,0,0,3,1,15,7,0,3,3,60,15,0,0.0,0.3684938357299892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195679654281302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574811333644113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585195707245245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659541609044938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124446857989799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31269333996035986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546098081723788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901346725919874,0.0,0.07597144332479411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917528114746956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034851207733007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821245102178646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018681866629258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053735955366146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578017289702662,0.1624686761907008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467897973803345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339063927283777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656076405784116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964074158485572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway4advice___,2019/05/05,"[Quetiapine/Seroquel] How do you sleep without eating? I’ve been on this drug for six years.

I manage well throughout the day but then I take 50mg and then I can’t sleep without binging. 

Any tips?",0.07494505494505432,2.2572971538461566,1.40849816849817,94.88769230769232,103.10256410256409,3.2542124542124533,20.95604395604396,5.288315135182226,-0.05114945054945075,155,6,31,1,7,49,33,39,0.0,0.9420000000000001,0.057999999999999996,0.2287,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,1,0,5,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,4,1,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021373219569812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039108147502167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32437708399946524,0.28621517677923913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5598279518206201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030859181059666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514946542289089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392647175183318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012533878057455
bpd,bethsophiefrank2011,2019/05/05,Feels good Just to go deeper and deeper the more and more blood... looks great to me and to my older male alter he loves it too although he does like the pain better by burning... and I do too but just... blood. Love it.,0.33999999999999986,2.471174111111111,1.5555555555555571,99.94000000000004,85.66666666666667,3.6,13.444444444444445,3.1291,-1.5550888888888887,165,2,38,0,5,52,32,45,0.039,0.665,0.29600000000000004,0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,8,6,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,6,4,6,2,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887715453234249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857310853589515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650932573102145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855631470654292,0.2738610815475981,0.0,0.3599784075830271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951628443664498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741861510466538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5893760126966222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34742964126876386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zlepii,2019/05/05,"i feel like everythings falling apart (substance abuse warning ig) i know its not but i feel like it. my fp/crush is back with her ex and its tearing me apart. and i feel so stupid for being so upset. im trying so hard to be okay but im only happy when im high anymore. i feel like my emotions are less complex and i can think everything out more rationally when im high. but anyways i also just got out of a relationship and losing my ex and now feeling like im losing her and i just dont know what to do. i feel alone and hopeless like i did before, just when i thought things were getting better.",0.19695538057742826,2.4184158346456712,2.3923149606299208,92.99093963254593,87.50393700787401,4.6465091863517065,21.06509186351705,6.079149491110277,0.15779202099737555,469,16,102,4,15,158,74,127,0.214,0.599,0.187,-0.6185,0,1,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,13,13,1,1,1,1,9,0,0,0,0,28,21,17,0,0,7,2,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,11,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,7,17,8,7,15,2,12,0,3,0,0,5,6,0,0,10,65,22,0,0.0,0.13102307346991046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453090114337085,0.0,0.08843338839766997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966887351811727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503169655072895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940982044470908,0.0,0.0,0.0978019018500836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960275029228896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439127682886204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987701967759697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354852957443604,0.3160027954647408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777518614215176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844353032281797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771793033864188,0.09906087496101827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23367455892015504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5972444533626259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154732896679812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701269610288232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24742875060414246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841035478595769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187250303383095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346660034850275,0.07085728410846487,0.0,0.08779075153224268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507877069796079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kookiboi,2019/05/05,"A little self-help thing for tough evenings Hey guys, I thought it might be a nice idea to create a post where we collect some strategies for a situation I'm sure many of those with BPD are familiar with: Alone at home and feeling so empty that it becomes an unbearable pain, not really able to talk to anyone because it doesn't help anyway and possibly tempted to get as wasted as possible. I usually try book or audiobook, but I recently broke up with my 9/10 girlfriend with the most beautiful smile on earth that I was very intimate with and now I constantly feel as if my head was going to explode or my heart was going to stop. Any advice for how to calm down? I got benzos, but only two and I want to save them for real emergencies",4.806780821917808,5.812892828767126,5.702630136986303,80.18175342465756,69.34246575342465,9.401643835616436,29.668493150684927,9.642632912329526,2.7125583561643825,587,22,113,13,10,193,106,146,0.10800000000000001,0.736,0.157,0.8656,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,7,3,2,1,1,29,16,14,0,2,6,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,7,10,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,2,12,4,25,9,2,14,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,6,5,76,19,1,0.15363328083093306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012866394321495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911774556760228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447589927471687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742396210869286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093653422021979,0.16967588832391012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349573901860348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602299735531106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014733330388511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536320590341313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080267048254338,0.0,0.17462666795313075,0.0,0.1228745693477958,0.0,0.0,0.15212110221262767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767206933513012,0.0,0.0,0.18205617750006228,0.20595429938080695,0.0,0.15410670716547206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343327375090892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398090830364602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576003306563715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629806324955691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684503305270115,0.16347664275580398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34639688062450563,0.14713821487471507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486830819122245,0.09842141370528476,0.0,0.15169433036344585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602730180802036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172690244636102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844430201759285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447975490079592,0.0,0.0,0.12348461160665812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206712516246012,0.0,0.0,0.12196766397576292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043069129307898,0.0,0.15007739158300584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920535368884568,0.12676354646430066,0.0906168895351354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thebluearrow89,2019/05/05,"Why does our mood depend so much on other people? It is always something I don't get. A FP doesn't respond? Our mood switches and it goes DOWN and we feel super insecure and shitty.  
A FP responds? It's all good, we can breath.  


Anxiety, panic, it's all connected with how other people react towards us, how they message us, how their tone is towards us.  


I think it's so unfair, others can just turn around and be egoistic, not feel anything when they just stop messaging us. This must be so easy. We sit there and stare at the phone / laptop and get nervous, anxious, basically our mood is in the hand of another person. And there's nothing we can do to turn it around, push a button so we breath out and it just goes away.

​

Or does anyone have answers to that?   


Go distract yourself, go do a hobby, watch a TV show, all nice advice but on the long run, it just doesn't wor.",1.7904229797979812,4.057871539772727,3.2415151515151517,89.23782828282829,80.76136363636364,5.502020202020201,22.277777777777786,6.691623216298621,0.6238785353535361,685,22,136,7,18,224,104,176,0.099,0.84,0.061,-0.5625,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,12,0,3,1,17,10,0,4,8,0,15,3,3,5,4,38,24,18,0,1,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,17,0,1,4,2,0,4,4,4,0,0,0,5,17,3,15,21,4,19,0,0,2,0,21,11,0,2,3,97,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849684144069615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941560793559738,0.14247638454286604,0.1597826200216626,0.0,0.13788552796121492,0.10059444967992252,0.14855359696166445,0.0,0.09194539845657447,0.0,0.10821040139721916,0.23411949773484125,0.0,0.0,0.12354527450897385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23014691706886484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329771458050158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740297024626286,0.0,0.14946496341150362,0.11029301124892486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637024962534293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666504528671134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617442205199558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428279046401205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232620891506152,0.11481765702150648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123241705760516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993694792726788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842576368004393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286060826979915,0.0,0.0,0.6326963139269711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186551230637152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597826200216626,0.0
bpd,shanarchosyndicalism,2019/05/05,"How do you work? I can't hold down a job. Also have fibromyalgia. I cannot hold down a job. I have a high school diploma no plans of college. Only thing I can somewhat hold down is uber eats, but I don't do it frequently and it is not very lucrative. I often can only do about 20 hrs a week if I really push myself. I am so tired most of the time and living out of my car doesn't help with my exhaustion. I would like to get an online or seasonal job. I feel if I could do something involving my creativity I could hold it down and if I am my own boss or have a boss who isn't a POS. How do you survive /work? I know most people with BPD struggle to keep a stable job/income.",0.4043629343629327,2.0593351891891882,2.963938223938225,92.64148648648651,82.24324324324324,6.390733590733591,19.355212355212355,7.447530270364453,0.3380158301158298,520,13,124,8,14,181,84,148,0.11699999999999999,0.815,0.068,-0.7723,5,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,4,7,3,0,1,9,0,22,3,0,4,0,31,26,13,0,6,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,1,5,2,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,1,21,1,13,23,4,12,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,9,5,90,26,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015864053864784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498977791669093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599002883952252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665435082928371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822960475411394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503507353256556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909420100201857,0.17196425167350535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.646054396799587,0.14466804102308264,0.0,0.0,0.08944831463587277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951602592053184,0.0,0.14371953999862908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475717294615855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128368808492177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042678450699803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472121117346855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530014471949788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015147309704465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813011917350904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490632023865817,0.18706799771847868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429355793282247,0.0,0.0,0.13055578036818652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23698157635014466,0.0,0.0,0.1156196143266686,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chirpchirpdoggo,2019/05/05,"How do I deal with a person with bpd. They very explicitly show all the symptoms very clearly of bpd, even though they refuse to get a medical diagnosis I feel that it is best to assume they do have bpd. I know somebody who I can only assume has bpd, to the best of my judgement. They have a past of sexual child abuse, I dont have a medical diagnosis because they refuse to seek help. I can't do this anymore. I constantly try to give them advice and help that is never listened to, they constantly insult me, etc. Very bad rationship",3.9016981132075483,5.319186858490569,5.1624056603773605,81.65040094339625,71.9245283018868,8.318867924528304,27.400943396226417,8.841846274778883,2.0756830188679247,421,15,83,8,8,140,64,106,0.136,0.7190000000000001,0.145,0.2732,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,7,2,3,4,1,0,6,0,12,3,0,1,4,14,17,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,16,2,11,17,4,4,0,0,0,0,18,0,0,2,4,59,21,0,0.0,0.1503869740132974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403096386976085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587683676664996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597820364312777,0.07737312714300301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26640275500154026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6394371969964829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743245939271765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085549737309635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875674126766958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155643586985334,0.08383365956448165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417777815362803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631378112931037,0.121759324147792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015211881846148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975540459640261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557298960967679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978934287543074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965332115284942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116556664690123,0.0,0.11082719629507423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319250807532333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470449809462085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617466251467151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141826038789645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ggcha,2019/05/05,"BPD Discord Server Hey all, I was looking for a discord server and saw that the last BPD one was a total trash fire. I don't know if there is another one out there, so I created one. 

https://discord.gg/n9HyV8a 


I'd love to see some people there!",2.40625,4.881585458333333,3.395666666666667,87.81600000000002,79.83333333333334,6.34,22.1,7.554174236665415,0.9719949999999996,194,6,38,3,5,62,36,48,0.159,0.7070000000000001,0.134,0.0793,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,7,9,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,4,3,1,3,6,3,2,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,2,1,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691429770865697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6465388106156937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410602214998221,0.2092219417863858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553983986359093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316565058285099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217827803222231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794405037964053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045343567002356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,isuckonbongs,2019/05/05,"Any advice on how to with a seemingly life ruining tragedy Content warning drugs and violence something awful










Today my best friend of 9 years mom called me to tell me that he passed away from a drug overdose. 

He had been missing for 2 days and police were at my house yesterday looking for him and i had no word after that. He didn't come home the night before the police were at my house. He had been really low recently and was taking Xanax off the street. Along with high doses of zyprexa. He got sent home from school on Thursday because he was so out if it he fell out of his chair multiple times. I talked to him that night saying please stop the xans everyone is worried about you and I love you and give a fuck about you. You don't need to numb your feelings I am here with you every step of the way to work through them. He said I know I started a new medication to stop taking them (I don't know what that was) and I said okay I love you bro but medication isn't all of it adding more won't always help and we said goodnight. I didn't talk to him the next day and then yesterday the cops were here. 

Today I know he's gone forever. My brother I loved more then my own fucking blood brother who wronged me so many ways. I love you and I wish I did more and stepped in to make sure you didn't do anything like this. I should've known something was really bad because you've never not told me what was going on. I love you and you'll never leave me in thought and heart.
My mom came home from work and we cried in eachothers arms she told me to take a Valium because I was clearly too escalated too be healthy for me risky behavior. Then we talked about how I need to know there's nothing I can do now even if it's hard to think and one day it will get easier even if it doesn't feel like life will exist anymore. We agreed I will just try to be okay and take the valium and shell come check on me. 

Can anyone who has experienced loss offer insight on how to function after losing someone who has been a huge part of your life. on healing. I can't even think right now the valium has numbed me enough to be able to right this. I'm going to turn off my phone which is already in airplane mode and logged out of everything except Reddit which no one IRL knows me on. To help me keep stable right now. I will check back when I'm ready. Thank you",2.254359875097581,3.967266270491805,3.1836416861826717,92.93224043715851,76.86885245901641,6.368930523028884,22.069867291178767,7.1686216300943375,0.4951227946916471,1852,51,412,21,42,589,236,488,0.11900000000000001,0.753,0.128,0.9044,0,0,4,0,0,0,26.0,4,13,2,5,22,24,2,0,15,3,43,22,3,4,5,68,92,31,0,6,7,5,3,2,1,6,12,4,3,0,18,32,0,3,13,0,2,11,14,11,0,2,29,9,65,13,60,54,8,69,0,5,1,7,64,26,2,4,32,259,83,3,0.07211735916931082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047224872530139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795832991550736,0.0,0.06000742003005693,0.0,0.0,0.04904227724475222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152104178347239,0.05042613434330307,0.0,0.05934644179910836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775663289786209,0.055453797662283436,0.06021498256226961,0.13188621834145367,0.0,0.06136656095859608,0.0,0.07568271916070805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736398869160015,0.08248304660599408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424543843395315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792175326771865,0.1395291916318139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167266481780392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451651020716722,0.0,0.14289850672895002,0.0,0.06076198549634061,0.06891122720780782,0.06481443226721313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292940736038818,0.051520655800285364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571769279936528,0.13334267293676827,0.037678343631733405,0.06918154232017368,0.08197191432222715,0.0,0.057678840173835524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460298852275427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545941784717959,0.0966774913650018,0.07619594948015017,0.21701877401060748,0.0,0.0,0.16642749963879405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410122242217994,0.0,0.0,0.19816907283787588,0.0,0.0,0.07636187043567165,0.0,0.0,0.15281587063492416,0.07046579780321445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060560418481188774,0.08068087800440388,0.0,0.0,0.3254436614999621,0.0,0.04813889724598653,0.07311568293057367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530130446418868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892595889162398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694821605660797,0.11124270657108172,0.06965139487742968,0.07669762963016384,0.13535451243301672,0.0,0.06919855113888636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773717797010023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780960721950162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916320393139617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924004539087632,0.0,0.07120719187665787,0.0,0.0,0.1847634920641065,0.20580036983727532,0.05735061859028296,0.0,0.07298661764139502,0.0,0.06565293524915411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061104804394480926,0.11103893284784763,0.0,0.0,0.05104503800604877,0.0,0.0,0.12058668293425025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796975754318699,0.0,0.2168931159169373,0.1738956046298369,0.06303375061525343,0.06639597505032435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241978356872046,0.0,0.05725312759324276,0.04205221208406485,0.0,0.1367176480620654,0.13782245441561564,0.0,0.04896295296817761,0.07844297775520775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448680584367625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829314039445047,0.0,0.0,0.1050045927777211,0.07323867889635483,0.0,0.0,0.07884901107893445,0.0,0.04644121484453812
bpd,sadcoffeewitch,2019/05/05,"why can't i make any friends? I have a best friend who i am very grateful for and another friend who I love as well. however, i don't see them all the time and i'm quite lonely. every time i try to reach out to someone new and try to form friendships it all seems to be going great. we will text, we will snapchat, we make plans to hang out, but then those plans always fall through (on their end) and then they start distancing themselves. i'm sick of getting excited for new friends and making plans and cleaning my apartment up for someone to come over, and then they just disappear. I don't know what i am doing wrong. i'm not pushy, i think we have good conversations, but then it just ends. this one person just yesterday left my snapchats on read twice in a row after telling me she was gonna let me know her work schedule when she went in and that she was excited to hang out. i feel almost like a laughing stock and people are only talking to me because they feel bad. i'm just embarrassed and down on myself at this point.",4.3334244702665785,5.061478736842113,4.459894053315106,89.67675837320576,70.24401913875597,7.693916609706084,27.84723171565277,7.7094869923839395,1.3761767600820232,812,27,176,9,14,252,127,209,0.114,0.722,0.16399999999999998,0.7584,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,4,0,5,6,6,17,0,1,4,0,15,2,0,3,2,37,36,18,0,0,7,0,2,1,4,3,1,0,1,1,9,18,0,0,6,1,0,7,4,4,1,2,3,3,29,13,27,28,4,37,0,1,1,1,24,15,0,2,16,113,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454787791184256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180305815947794,0.0,0.0,0.09137330970606423,0.1408941922716546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218977909913974,0.08190810698786602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100855273820798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574418607168308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380163247076841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132089297445218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358787091423968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152425447012475,0.0,0.07020055257002339,0.0,0.07636314558950562,0.11269960642640355,0.0,0.1481387009331573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476877917084604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598876791495602,0.13739807106613347,0.0,0.06564431270416783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127032489011745,0.0,0.26907052123705805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595425348555065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910497017490588,0.10219119880142052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315228477881443,0.1173229800383359,0.0,0.0,0.1270190536280065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429145021886864,0.13440209967201006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707209710997947,0.12232152181055288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276953082174759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510476121260464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799809083814947,0.11744157776683747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609613971275927,0.0,0.0,0.15669948519747895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245103274291705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086580609433093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081093549352767,0.12455838564484605,0.12124417964776113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978198578397432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469078418478887,0.0,0.0
bpd,jaspberryjay,2019/05/05,"I argue with myself in my head constantly which ends up making me want to isolate and pretend I ""don't exist"" *CW is for suicide, substance abuse, possible eating disorders, self harm.*
 
TL;DR
Im pretty sure ive fallen into one of the biggest depressive moods ive ever experienced and im so exhausted. this whole time ive felt like im going through a free trial on being dead and its oddly comforting and i wish it were permanent without it upsetting my family.

anyone else feeling this trapped and confused?
i feel like i want to SCREAM.

---

I literally have not left my apartment since over one month ago unless  i desperately needed to buy food to eat. i get pissed off at myself *constantly* and theres *always* a battle going on in my brain which makes everything so confusing. even now its ""dont waste your time this is fucking dumb"" ""someone may be able to help"" ""who cares"" and on and on and back and forth for (literally) HOURS until i give up and just smoke weed until the thoughts stop or i take my sleeping medication.

i lost track of time and i realized it had been almost 2 days and i hadnt eaten. thinking about eating makes me want to vomit and i find it inconvenient. i feel sick to my stomach but i dont have an appetite. i feel like im being suffocated by this cloud and its physically painful. my friends and family get pissed and worried because i cant communicate. its a disaster every time and i have to pick up the pieces of it and hope people havent dropped me and my bullshit (i apologize to them but thats srsly not enough). i hate making people upset and id rather ignore them than send them a 20 paragraph message about why ive wanted to be dead for several years or have them come over and see the state im in which in my opinion is 10x worse. they would be devastated if i committed and i already feel like the worst for putting them through previous suicide attempts.
im pretty sure i lost my position at my shitty part time student job. ill no longer be graduating college with my class. i dont even know if i care anymore about completing it because i dont see a future or a point and i stop giving a shit or have to deal with these episodes and end up missing too many classes. i study design which has been my passion since i was young but ive been staring at an unfinished painting hung up in my office every day for past 4 months. its like a reminder that im stuck on pause. that everything people know me for, my artwork, has no value to me anymore. 

the worst part of this and the root of my frustration is that i KNOW what im doing is absolutely DUMB and i feel like with the support i get from family i have no reason to feel like this at all. literally nothing happened to me to set off this episode. but i just dont *care*. ive been so suicidal for so long that its like an extension of me. i dont know how to get out and i dont want to. reading positive comments only causes that negative ""voice"" to laugh and criticise it instead of reflecting on it. it makes me angry. then suddenly i think i deserve to suffer anyway so i do nothing and i start over again the next day.",2.568408140350876,4.615706315200004,4.224555789473687,84.30433403508775,77.048,7.265964912280703,26.324912280701753,8.20500826718156,1.8062053333333337,2457,96,485,45,57,823,292,625,0.23,0.63,0.139,-0.9974,1,1,1,0,1,3,61.0,0,1,6,3,22,47,10,4,20,0,47,20,7,10,5,104,100,50,5,12,17,0,8,8,1,2,6,2,0,1,35,37,5,3,19,2,2,6,18,26,0,2,14,14,80,21,76,78,8,73,0,5,3,2,19,31,6,12,41,328,115,7,0.0509940488433173,0.06041960927075616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520314749475645,0.0,0.0510631738414883,0.0,0.05627320094595385,0.0,0.042431133685720934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114478788578142,0.03565622462194008,0.0522494292378692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039211275885727086,0.0,0.062170997730473965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692622325364345,0.0,0.0,0.15597549411288406,0.05238493511932533,0.0,0.04392685775685293,0.05346629000983865,0.1102129016637658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866082861460514,0.05257262521628943,0.04392109954643745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058443597891646173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41835251822356606,0.0,0.0,0.15653892793489074,0.04259898439516304,0.0,0.09033118287918272,0.0526904840236422,0.0,0.06736217664936459,0.04612703664317334,0.08592937101157418,0.0,0.09166032597024537,0.0,0.14421795268606238,0.0,0.18048886306437886,0.18215079341379312,0.04896228382432551,0.0,0.04660763680770389,0.0,0.061662206276549315,0.0,0.039397875640139496,0.04714317644849103,0.10656914327553672,0.09783627655717646,0.05796218623194795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509386898171296,0.0,0.0,0.05034606590223523,0.05233460589669102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03418023603125927,0.0,0.0,0.05064859661455785,0.05021886614176015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406585869879869,0.0,0.05060372496617426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120999825387934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055405183274837434,0.0,0.0,0.19930493164755625,0.0,0.0,0.04512812853720111,0.0,0.0,0.11133205632581863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019461789096518,0.051699961694670664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513711393636113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140592655026327,0.0,0.0,0.03781144107407307,0.0,0.0,0.05423274945973886,0.0,0.0,0.09786033036453136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691097744651777,0.03878327202518988,0.05426126331705945,0.0,0.0,0.1104431711270591,0.048679589717845,0.10605855815523994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048205858890156016,0.057488128074207674,0.0,0.10375856073027324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126310373833313,0.0,0.0,0.05100784855714786,0.0,0.0,0.05243037525777181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127130941272719,0.0,0.053197914332388616,0.057608760314024364,0.05234465833349262,0.08436560832230541,0.0,0.051030876135532616,0.0,0.04320709210299952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03609385023622897,0.0,0.0,0.08526661639073906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733763829663995,0.057867442320577625,0.0961225750900949,0.0,0.03834117844249287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534985489870349,0.0,0.0404835786910637,0.14867519981908078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503880560901811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046014197464182664,0.0569330344310923,0.058640639536764724,0.0491564433580813,0.0,0.0,0.05178693191042481,0.05196729231481312,0.0362247092075552,0.0,0.0,0.03283849554953138
bpd,AyyyHelp,2019/05/05,"Male BPD? Hello all. I think I've been married to a man for many years who has BPD comorbid with something else (control issues). This is based on his therapist and our marriage counselor (only one session), not my opinion. We're divorcing now and it's becoming a nightmare.

I'm asking about this to figure out how to make this easier. I really am trying to be sensitive to him but the pain he is causing me is intense. 

First of all, he admitted he has extreme abandonment fear. I gave him my blessing to start looking for someone else because he said he wanted to be remarried within a few months. This was incredibly painful to me, but I knew it would help him. He was very grateful for that. It turns out I was way too late. He had started on tinder and other apps pretty much the same day I made it clear our marriage couldn't go on as it had and we had to seek counseling at the very least.

He has been dating but he throws it in my face. Compares me and tells me how I'm fatter or have a less impressive resume than the women he is pursuing. At the same time, he comes back and really works on my emotions to try to get me to reconcile - but only when he's between women. When he has a date planned, he's cold and distant. When it doesn't go well, he's back weeping at my feet. When I say, ""I won't bend on counseling"" he says nevermind and starts contacting women at the rate of 50 or more per day.

At one point I really thought we were going to reconcile. He convinced me to sleep with him and told me we had something worth fighting for and he wanted to fight... But he was on his phone to 20 different women right afterwards.

Every time he convinces me that we can make this work, that he'll seek help, and we've had sex - immediately afterwards he'll say he wants to be open with me and he'll start confessing about the other women, things I don't need to know and that are nothing but hurtful. Then when I get upset he says, ""this isn't possible because you have emotional problems"". 

---

In addition to all that nonsense, I wonder if he really qualifies as BPD. Everything seems to be written for women. For example, he doesn't have outbursts - but he will push and push and push my buttons trying to make ME blow up, and when he manages he seems so relieved or smug or something. He lies constantly about everything, even things that would never matter. I get drip-fed the truth, and the pieces never make sense. There's always a constant intrigue going on with another woman, meant to keep me nervous and insecure. If I don't pick up on it he makes sure to tell me. And he's completely shut down to me. We can't have a conversation about anything important. He just sits there like a stone and refuses to speak except to say really mean things to me to shame me or make me feel stupid. I've tried every which way to be as gentle as possible - there's no way I can bring anything up gently enough that he won't freak out, shut down, lie, and attack me.

I'm at a loss overall. I realize a lot of this is beyond his control and I have a lot of compassion for that. I'm just so hurt and so tired at this point.",4.031698564593302,5.013990212121215,5.136240031897927,83.61909688995217,71.12121212121212,8.570813397129186,28.125598086124395,8.906399129114982,2.104011483253589,2441,87,497,45,44,806,279,627,0.109,0.774,0.11699999999999999,0.1612,1,0,3,0,3,0,76.0,7,1,0,7,30,28,4,5,20,0,47,7,3,13,8,110,97,53,0,10,18,0,1,1,0,8,3,7,0,9,31,38,0,5,16,0,1,10,13,19,1,3,20,10,55,9,82,63,14,78,2,5,1,1,86,34,0,13,31,316,86,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573626429573801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228839156187465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346159358319485,0.0,0.06444851552237074,0.07842789035664527,0.0,0.10601943540778977,0.0,0.08404896205536473,0.07613753983330035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604781919687782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081918555022282,0.0,0.05938471209393908,0.07228106905666347,0.1489968044281357,0.1546415569298473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891970579303504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202642182441771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517912061016032,0.1550938470477569,0.0,0.07123225706592087,0.0,0.045533458009746966,0.0,0.11616790315805176,0.0,0.12391558026547995,0.0,0.0,0.07757536857918111,0.03485755222780662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586393477110865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805310602705558,0.0,0.15671814090469602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241651143155363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760092225144045,0.0,0.0,0.07195424498870333,0.0,0.0612760144177728,0.0,0.0,0.03788698719158495,0.0,0.07776602174359358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368003821917434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057891268462232214,0.0,0.0,0.1172186842267666,0.0,0.0652316035362357,0.2761032925961887,0.06989317008514506,0.0,0.0750946140763208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502632965106129,0.0,0.05067798446547403,0.0511172812421455,0.10633977690514466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614868261557856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342949323187986,0.10486219870427747,0.1467115866913695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033898610634706,0.1554363826068903,0.0,0.07013559096754993,0.0,0.06596516581347144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081995209981425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058873398331536424,0.06557662996542378,0.27411468914439896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551867358786195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898863342296085,0.0,0.05841166101967865,0.15921747650863505,0.0,0.0,0.19518108183422897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497404707445527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051118108381348,0.0,0.0,0.08004331437814192,0.1373997192734693,0.04417322928060759,0.0,0.054729743666358334,0.08039759170242564,0.07923506286694264,0.0,0.06587402224752217,0.0,0.18721980634033286,0.07498566882615272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376353663063228,0.12198575362776955,0.16416134280524586,0.0,0.0,0.06198430232719732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476123841684383,0.10037660278306412,0.0,0.0,0.0979443573626309,0.0,0.0,0.04439435696951916
bpd,greenlion6818,2019/05/05,"I can’t share my feelings...DAE struggle with this? I have an incredibly difficult time expressing myself and how I feel. I don’t want anyone to see that i’m upset or sad. it’s embarrassing to cry in front of others and i don’t want anyone to know how upset i really am. if i cried in front of others every time i was truly upset and wanted to let it out, i would be seen as someone who can’t handle anything. 

instead, people think i hate everything and everyone and i’m just angry all the time. and i am angry all the time. i feel repressed and unable to change. i get so frustrated with myself and my brain but i don’t know how to do anything about it. 

i’m not technically suicidal but honestly killing myself would be a lot easier than changing. i’m not going to kill myself instead of working towards my goals, but some days it’s so ducking exhausting. 

so first: does anyone else experience this? if so, how do you deal with it?

second: is this a BPD thing or just general insecure mental health issue?",1.8930881659594547,4.235180227722772,4.1673691654879805,82.31721122112214,80.88118811881188,7.015935879302218,22.985384252710986,8.11559375814309,1.5713740688354545,794,27,150,16,21,274,110,202,0.196,0.6940000000000001,0.11,-0.9279999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,1,0,3,13,16,4,7,5,0,17,3,1,4,2,43,34,24,3,7,11,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,12,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,14,0,2,2,4,22,2,20,27,4,13,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,6,6,112,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27650422948956715,0.13505999140280078,0.21694494169621256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601631261350225,0.14714907579619232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788854739055517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895850616646109,0.08500973668578707,0.13589542342002212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535214928597208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011447493494947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105977882778284,0.1259548316259538,0.11846677579156,0.1289403124560621,0.0,0.0,0.13329919661650594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121217274368498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886786987218392,0.0,0.07491347262890866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013997142369615,0.0,0.14011312578632548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137580559120415,0.0,0.0,0.2916674199202871,0.0,0.14488409633162336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347897150728711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206435504819644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283846438416572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138388789810456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444403100777552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503944742253546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116863776904507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780160375024653,0.0,0.14418415868760512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757199432129767,0.08446169622840759,0.0,0.0,0.30744942484188764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23324361462577514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596285205737264,0.0,0.0,0.18727511421676485,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BadHairHoliday,2019/05/05,"Feels like I'm gonna screw everything up again and I don't know what to do First things first, I don't know if I have BPD but I relate a lot to everything I'm reading on the subject. I am currently seeing a therapist but I haven't seen my psychiatrist in a while, I'll have a new one in a few months. I am of course not asking for a diagnosis, I just need some advice.
I've always taken too much space and I have little to no self control when it comes to emotions, I'm constantly trying to regulate them and just doing that feels like I'm gonna burst in a few seconds, I've felt like this for years now but I've never burst. 
I ruin every romantic relationship I try to have, nobody can bear me, I'm always asking too much. I feel like I should just stop trying because it's never gonna work, like im doomed to live a loveless life (it sound soooo dramatic but that's how it feels).

Everything is messed up this past few days, I spend my days hating and loving the same people at the same time, I know this stuff mostly happens when I'm in unstable times, but I really don't know what to do. 
I feel like if I don't find a little bit of peace quickly I'm gonna screw everything up (AGAIN).

Do you guys have any advice about this? 
Even if it turns out I don't have BPD I feel like we have a lot in common and maybe some of you guys could help me? or share your experiences about this? I don't know what I'm doing really
Thanks for your answers",1.9690967741935488,3.2840648129032277,3.824709677419357,89.72706451612906,76.67741935483872,7.153548387096772,20.464516129032265,7.839951260653429,0.5838929032258067,1132,25,258,17,25,383,143,310,0.08,0.7559999999999999,0.163,0.9803,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,4,1,4,15,16,3,0,13,0,25,4,0,2,2,50,61,18,0,6,13,0,7,7,0,5,1,1,0,3,17,8,0,2,14,1,1,1,11,6,0,4,3,10,31,10,27,52,13,38,1,2,2,3,15,14,2,9,30,161,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716108366022866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612735849885902,0.0,0.0,0.05971276906218247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417812790554304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352722685235485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586410444719563,0.0,0.22118338217224234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563921976145728,0.0,0.094889758967484,0.09848466294125924,0.0701079163544433,0.0,0.0,0.11325839480309532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877270737574588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799666472155635,0.0,0.07398242111791231,0.0,0.3156663550963228,0.0858935304561692,0.0,0.0,0.266391597467184,0.3136519340630565,0.0843098991216423,0.0,0.08025534862006183,0.149379675401005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388837634261006,0.07764873792435167,0.0,0.0,0.0866926827314408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058856164922553834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484821303817728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412861870703836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202171748482585,0.3002914733144071,0.1760143053345473,0.07753648563406569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930323821982758,0.07925057029841645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821540798440025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008788111255007,0.0,0.12909865414479074,0.06510886612309567,0.13544660689756052,0.08480596519648526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950129016024151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382311807839747,0.060875335330474935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878322298382777,0.0,0.11250470564323588,0.0,0.0,0.09427343282211144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997198009242575,0.0,0.0916033820427542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734118107331364,0.0,0.0,0.10051968743295606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808422395447122,0.0,0.10195239874374357,0.058336044159246335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240364721229904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788485568441346,0.0955103979342202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392561022108235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654577423351289
bpd,mentallyillavocado,2019/05/05,DAE have hallucinations with BPD? If so how severe and how do you know it’s from BPD and not another condition? I have psychotic symptoms sometimes but not enough that I think it could be a psychotic disorder.,5.48,7.402605717948718,6.423589743589744,72.16307692307696,68.74358974358975,11.353846153846154,33.51282051282051,11.20814326018867,4.420651282051283,169,8,30,6,3,56,31,39,0.151,0.8490000000000001,0.0,-0.7049,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,12,7,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752726375841677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6612635619374431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095989763482759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30086796186313625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27125090017843256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442728309346645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965702134436855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596366610742465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27285634685480353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682107053699633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abaeus,2019/05/05,"DAE fractured identity/no sense of self? Anyone else feel speechless or give a fake answer (intentionally or unintentionally) when asked abstract questions like ""Who are you as a person?"", ""What are your interests?"", ""What do you want to do (career)?""?

I wrote the following in my journal and excuse the dramatic tone lol but I'm just wondering if anyone else resonates with it:

​

>Is it a fool’s errand to look back on this fondly? To obsessively insist on remaining in a perennial state of nostalgia for a manufactured experience. To deliberately favour tv & film soundtracks because it triggers the emotion from these artificial characters. To be so deeply unhappy and empty inside that I cling so deeply to these fake lives and absorb it into my very sense of self. This nostalgia isn’t from my real experiences, it’s from the colour my scales once were.  
>  
>  
>  
>	Even the chameleon still knows he is a chameleon, and not his mask.  
>  
>  
>  
>Music allows me to wear these different masks again, with varied efficacy and duration. The real reason why I miss my teen years is not the experiences themselves – certainly not – but the durability of the masks. False identities interwoven so deeply into my psyche that I could simply fall into its abyss.  
>  
>  
>  
>Perhaps I am nostalgic for the escape a mask brings. Does each step closer to self-awareness puncture the hull of my fantasy? I already feel ripped in two, on the moments before I sink fully into these icy waters.

​

I would be really grateful to hear anyone's shared experiences.",6.48382488479263,8.526362236559143,6.847342549923197,69.63387096774197,66.41935483870968,9.9020993343574,31.923707117255503,10.181067101454742,3.650708346134152,1260,52,199,32,21,408,171,279,0.059000000000000004,0.843,0.098,0.8796,1,1,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,3,0,0,9,11,0,1,19,1,13,2,1,4,1,38,27,15,0,4,9,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,17,12,1,0,7,3,0,4,4,5,0,1,2,5,20,6,32,21,1,22,0,1,2,0,16,11,0,5,7,125,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802674656078098,0.0,0.0,0.34765486794446754,0.2599223997327987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435483228383468,0.2191746706758772,0.0,0.0,0.09998784706784948,0.0,0.0,0.0822412665974768,0.0,0.06519835791474686,0.0,0.09101024479336614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539431784392988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174449546048093,0.0,0.0,0.09359644210292488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869321277044153,0.1203092090956908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064231656924053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184873732905638,0.0,0.0,0.10815863090294793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260032505308034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205452865865141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877929461166302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225247600201439,0.0,0.09444261993555984,0.0,0.08981468774957695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390285522157476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338838273111716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981331082125117,0.0,0.0,0.24347485226374144,0.06851767312599191,0.1099668493814482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33473003029459397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854138543858319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447882501339986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824851131422089,0.06308442627591658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650963391115412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598739261623005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597727694545732,0.0,0.2599223997327987,0.06887507244139722
bpd,weneedsomelight_x,2019/05/05,"Just gave my pwBPD an ultimatum. Didn’t want to. Haven’t seen him in two weeks. He’s been ignoring me. I got tiny things from him like “I don’t have anything to say.” Or the other day got “I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted toward you. I don’t have any answers.” But then started ignoring me again after that. I know he’s going through something, and I want to be there for him, but I’m in a lot of pain. I barely sleep because my anxiety is so bad. I just....gave him the ultimatum today. Guess we’ll see if he even cares enough to respond. I’m just in so much pain.",-0.494703832752613,1.48272211382114,2.130737514518003,95.43457317073171,88.02439024390246,5.140301974448317,18.541811846689885,6.5431188927421005,-0.11895540069686385,432,12,104,5,14,149,79,123,0.17300000000000001,0.76,0.067,-0.9318,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,0,10,3,1,0,0,15,25,8,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,6,3,17,2,14,17,3,14,0,0,2,0,12,4,0,4,8,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339965392859577,0.0,0.15073796582941276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215025620301826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452334046889716,0.12011607012096225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089928393124498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270769484236575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035989160453513,0.0,0.13014556994876206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198453105069472,0.0,0.31518785046421743,0.0,0.2170659579676945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829011801903493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626564643942118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675195903644182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484986338401484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193369865286363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669713660837675,0.0,0.0,0.15701839533864498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718610027148573,0.0,0.0,0.15169394207942846,0.0,0.22057439919696384,0.13946861411829356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090714357647162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867744803958159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248315866904314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244307410339754,0.15640419489897894,0.15805664893397767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tarni7,2019/05/05,does anyone else wish they could explain their bpd to people? i really wish i could explain how i feel and my traits from bpd to friends/family etc but i can never seem to find the right words. and then sometimes i tell someone and tell them the criteria and they say something like ‘oh haha everyone gets that though!’ or something but they don’t understand that it’s x10000. the emotions i feel are normal emotions but multiplied to the point where i feel everything at once and it hurts. or i have these other funny little traits that are related to bpd but i just can’t explain it and i wish i could so that the 2-3 close friends i have could understand it. anyone know any articles or anything that help to explain it?,2.8799696048632204,5.322969808510639,3.4853748733535994,88.01250000000002,77.86524822695036,6.865450861195543,24.965045592705174,7.957251820313856,1.53873009118541,577,21,111,10,14,181,79,141,0.027999999999999997,0.7879999999999999,0.183,0.9704,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,0,5,1,11,0,0,1,1,38,26,16,0,8,8,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,0,12,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,18,3,8,22,1,8,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,4,3,74,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742955016519831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592288579621214,0.1166642996409572,0.09369810193513782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302127515082932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636357523926551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996407416345208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511645873206546,0.2561571476525741,0.0,0.0,0.1269853845544779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087992977447492,0.10233114399678574,0.0,0.1073382471425336,0.0,0.1727149978440369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406711394561867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879689144157596,0.0,0.0594878003689574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631879154115892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189081628485265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257516179321812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562685230444259,0.11411887858107428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878168104426645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155984376723052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125850848140833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893704989439992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763567847617338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294242827989036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972368799684004,0.0,0.09054703102345517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365499990950876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647426226936406,0.1753118962711403,0.11261168141581315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990394912131298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118680938023746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370671403894213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39280443299633705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elfishellie,2019/05/05,"Dealing with a Breakup Recently, my boyfriend left me to work on his own mental health issues. I understand that and respect it but his mental issues make him less attached to people and cause him to isolate himself and I really can't handle it. I feel absolutely abandoned and upset. I feel like I'm not being supportive but also feel betrayed. What's a good way to deal with this?",2.940308219178082,5.684346917808224,4.1331335616438345,81.68271404109589,79.82191780821918,6.389726027397263,26.93321917808219,7.645422480735847,1.9564534246575351,307,13,52,5,8,100,53,73,0.21899999999999997,0.6709999999999999,0.11,-0.8784,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,16,9,7,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,11,4,7,8,2,4,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,37,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560165846911716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004152577617206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40226665204157175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959361334249284,0.13937517773143104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363557359276598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737577689772504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072548545827097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197017925226985,0.0,0.0,0.09531306366596852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022674605429435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932176889062834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525360056347818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498219875073335,0.0,0.1926317681598753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213903356427299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309971271951185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485651982207335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420307404251865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thebaebay,2019/05/05,"Has anyone been diagnosed? So recently I reached out and wanted to get help because I'm so tired of chaos and leaving myself in the fall out. I went to my nurse practitioner who did a mini interview about what I was experiencing and as soon as she found out my mother had bipolar she wrote me off as the same thing.  I don't go through mania for days, not even for hours. If anything it may be within the hour until I perceive something negative in my life. My nurse even argued with me as to why I'm ""bipolar"", she's went as far as putting it on my file.  I ended up walking out on her and calling her useless. 

I'm just wondering how many other people have had misdiagnosis, particularly bipolar. I understand it is genetic, and bpd has similar traits. What battle am I facing here? The psychiatrist apparently is just as bad (a quick google search revealed she has done the same thing - diagnose based on history and previous consults with a doctor). I don't even want to go at all because I'm worried about a misdiagnosis and being medicated for something I don't have.",5.303436853002069,6.342439623188407,6.6508247066942765,73.71445652173915,68.2270531400966,9.585783298826778,33.1432022084196,9.784248007369934,3.2898767425810904,850,38,156,19,14,289,124,207,0.129,0.85,0.021,-0.9691,1,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,13,4,2,0,9,0,20,10,1,1,1,30,35,19,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,5,0,0,7,5,4,0,0,10,1,24,0,34,22,3,29,0,1,0,0,14,14,0,3,8,120,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430716207397388,0.0,0.1227589424386516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245555311189208,0.18187232118183694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788165148866348,0.0,0.15232513298288525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620602620132583,0.0,0.0,0.3028205188578047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268771465877728,0.0,0.1526585983776093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212544840088036,0.0,0.0,0.2955875538669953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356352449654538,0.0,0.0,0.0779381792210698,0.0,0.16956004786153075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998936952078398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938161549833069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795559385097332,0.0,0.0,0.10536725313421644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124080972908213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027888724449456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341969115843602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499628445452145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472930693704369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22968558101697384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982114969092877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714555950507401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529723036068832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759754601830291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765748538572196,0.134607923398795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177475167799804,0.0,0.15149522859946069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MyUhTuesday,2019/05/05,"Have any of you been misdiagnosed or duel diagnosed w BPD + Bipolar/Bipolar II? I've known I've had BPD for about 15 years now.
I was in therapy for several years and was able to reduce my symptoms from 9 to 3-5 (dependant on situational triggers). For instance, that endless void/emptiness is gone as is my self harming adhd substance abuse. But my abandonment issues will be with me until the day I die. Not enough therapy in the world to fix that.

Anyway, I was (imo) misdiagnosed w Bipolar II back in summer of 2015 by a new MH staff. And the diagnosis has haunted me ever since. 

I genuinely don't believe I have Bipolar II. 
Main reason, other than the fact I *know* I have BPD, is that I don't have manic/hypomanic episodes. (Yet they're trying to convince me I do)

They're constantly trying to put me on Bipolar meds and won't listen to me when I try to tell them about my actual symptoms, triggers, how they manifest, etc.

Has anyone else run into this issue? 

Just having this diagnosis in itself and them dwelling on it, while ignoring/refusing to address my other issues (like my life-altering anxiety), is triggering in itself.

Luckily, I'm going to a different treatment facility this week and they've agreed to reassess me. 

Just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to better respond to this assessment to avoid getting this misdiagnosis again, etc. 

Thanks.",4.223815373815373,6.363203247104253,5.858506493506493,74.02853896103898,72.51351351351352,8.724534924534925,31.077746577746574,9.339509955726095,3.216643243243244,1087,50,184,26,22,370,155,259,0.083,0.86,0.057,-0.8577,1,1,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,1,3,1,13,8,0,2,6,0,23,6,0,7,2,27,31,14,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,1,1,13,7,0,2,4,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,7,1,26,4,36,21,4,30,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,4,16,129,39,1,0.11234248139740527,0.13310747007742132,0.10963005624609937,0.0,0.13501383118690596,0.10977977261852567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527934794761459,0.0,0.08594169077412138,0.0,0.0,0.15710495017172774,0.11510814821187895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638443370707369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265715058603864,0.0,0.09935779538109013,0.0,0.0,0.42447426775509983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214023119929048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245160663972514,0.0,0.0,0.11402525382771075,0.11659375910010375,0.11737398218198733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093847727735177,0.0,0.0,0.11607981432174568,0.2505831263038362,0.0,0.1016202061523936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058694309765218534,0.0,0.06384682111164516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517690892577126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174048976630842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935081697287058,0.05488486177284819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247871710329818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850106858392536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293522300596175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550678149038765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719770908228885,0.12691502696307266,0.0,0.0929308615271038,0.1262776560561382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353370667953854,0.0,0.0,0.09819228043663908,0.10342986318234217,0.2569468364445392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288195115440507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011436218298267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183062886607413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468974945398805
bpd,lostinsaudade,2019/05/05,"Are these feelings normal? I’ve been diagnosed with BPD by 3 different therapists. By the third one, I knew I couldn’t deny the fact that I’m borderline (something that’s always made me feel lesser than others).

These are some things I feel sometimes, comment down if you do too?

1) Someone abruptly leaves while texting you means they hate you/or are tired of you.
2) When someone you loved leaves your life, you’re automatically the reason and you’re worthless. 
3) When something minor happens that reminds you of your past you get stuck in the feeling and start to get into a depressive episode.
4) You randomly start feeling like your life is fine - making plans to improve yourself in the future - plans that you will only prove yourself unworthy of fulfilling soon.
5) When someone insults you (especially the way you look) you literally CANT stop thinking about it.",4.38625,7.287474133757964,4.3961106687898095,81.02180931528663,75.17834394904459,6.727547770700637,30.19466560509554,7.865858978985527,2.3697264331210186,697,32,115,11,16,215,106,157,0.134,0.7709999999999999,0.095,-0.8258,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,14,1,2,6,7,2,0,7,0,9,5,0,3,2,23,29,7,0,3,1,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,10,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,6,19,3,14,23,1,16,0,2,1,1,18,4,0,3,12,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229997031124795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851174301027132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659452397271953,0.149182625842283,0.0,0.15356386659688226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715900613009541,0.10500325912420247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358301707455102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997481704191938,0.0,0.0,0.14511331256754953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112633231862392,0.0,0.0,0.2076340607253511,0.07180749459795893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234270258340769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265609526119612,0.1390769804969441,0.09811096196189496,0.0,0.0,0.16010540307377974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401017758153406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959813268143494,0.11178567729030467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031000023126108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511209524809597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736095849268196,0.2263063165168965,0.14536797194054538,0.0,0.20806782326416792,0.0,0.0,0.12288270130097012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065627501393188,0.0976476484902337,0.09417949297740998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893304312070934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166666801263738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Inhesion,2019/05/05,"Avoid relationships completely? I avoid relationships completely because I always get this gut feeling that I'm going to ruin it sooner or later. So far its pretty true with just some of my normal friendships, I hit a bad patch and I withdraw or lash out in a passive aggressive manner. If I avoid relationships altogether, at least no one gets hurt ... except me. It gets so isolating sometimes, I feel as though I've missed out on a huge portion of life. But I also don't want to hurt people. It's terrifying.",3.822708333333331,6.29225835416667,5.409583333333334,75.27708333333338,74.83333333333334,8.016666666666666,27.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.533883333333334,406,16,69,9,9,137,72,96,0.28800000000000003,0.5820000000000001,0.13,-0.9497,0,3,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,19,11,10,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,0,2,9,1,12,10,3,9,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,4,1,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297829932445452,0.14876760352501295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928218289675393,0.10898872523213003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749158291669101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808031932396028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280231188946831,0.0,0.1016104778706302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827967881072585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628466526061213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517624041521127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115273190070945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395047503670603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189370733502008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5758606528344791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682788278565356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566026836326995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545497496735737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SWR_TrueRomance,2019/05/05,"Having needed sexual validation in the past. I'm now ashamed When I was 19 i was in a very dark place. No self esteem or respect and just in a real bad place. So for a few months I'd make videos and take pictures and send them to guys on reddit who asked. Half were decent guys who were polite and respected my boundaries. The other half weren't.

A couple guys gave me money for sex toys in return to make videos using them. I did it for one of them.

I sent them to a dozen different people. Even people I'd known for months or years. Nobody irl. I kept my face out of the majority of them.

I'd get high sometimes before just to get through it. I wanted the attention. I became addicted to drugs and that just made the situation a whole lot worse because I'd lose my inhibitions. I believe some took advantage of me. But the majority had no idea what was going on in my life. I don't blame anyone even remotely. I'm not angry or upset with any of them.

I feel ashamed. I'm now 21, been in a relationship for a year. Been faithful in every way. I can't talk to anyone about this. Anyone been through something similar?",1.0302732793522296,3.3904255833333368,3.0975438596491247,88.4737044534413,84.83333333333334,5.9638326585695,19.734143049932527,7.321109707123232,0.6056013495276664,875,25,181,14,26,295,130,228,0.098,0.821,0.08,-0.6049,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,6,2,10,9,0,3,14,0,14,5,1,4,0,29,33,11,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,8,7,0,1,4,3,1,4,6,5,0,4,16,1,23,4,30,17,6,27,1,1,0,1,18,13,0,5,9,118,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066570951443094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774729735319406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27066995579211595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062903156623328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077376964703296,0.07865770696740465,0.0,0.10979812061139628,0.14537672156234632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427732641723483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481268639685975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963805249864498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045099950117445,0.0,0.10871640365534582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524328347873534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348294984724966,0.0,0.07333278902146292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832907593678114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633112106063805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566326921716896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911402732107346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435563335768115,0.0,0.10969978319232834,0.0,0.12209474645474555,0.17226190822329446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205986834689708,0.0,0.0,0.09567680624697138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743653129119454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317720619249085,0.17891135295219715,0.0,0.2696253727937195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686852702897454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853383576524148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346102237243996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503921336187928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933639714318143,0.12761756556191153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701723597195308,0.10371234905288132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336111755733189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114436324440185,0.0,0.1064662633427097,0.07610738176421991,0.10242089437697778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406144673631174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149629891766793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618686232982025
bpd,marlstown,2019/05/05,Diagnosed with BPD and Codependency I start DBT in august. I've jumped form one relationship to another with girls with drug addiction issues since i was 19. Feeling very lost. I always thought I was bipolar. Any advice?,3.966923076923076,7.242198000000003,4.698153846153846,75.27184615384617,81.8205128205128,8.248205128205129,28.312820512820515,8.841846274778883,3.2227497435897434,178,8,28,5,5,57,32,39,0.07200000000000001,0.887,0.042,-0.2716,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,4,0,5,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814391417978909,0.0,0.2522769125135866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481486580764655,0.0,0.0,0.17556179219096574,0.2707096523490441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251511493009206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620331441584581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993906988483637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053653071325122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694583213856293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818187809552718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494002208017634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27717376169591385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355765514975286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273128529643912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204955035808075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130140592830584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,puddleofanxiety,2019/05/05,"DAE get super anxious when not with partner/significant other? I know it’s normal to feel sad when you leave your partner after hanging out but I literally go apeshit and go home and cry and feel borderline manic and suicidal when I don’t know the next time I’m going to see that person. Like I don’t even fine life worth waking up for an existing unless I’m with that person all the time. It is so pathetic. Like I’m pretty sure I’m not going to see my boyfriend for a week and I’m dreading this whole fucking week even though I’ll be busy, I feel miserable and like punching a wall. I have hobbies but I constantly just check my phone all day looking for messages from him because that’s the only time I feel good or comfortable or desired.  

Fuck depression and bpd.",4.303519061583579,5.42918493548387,5.283519061583579,82.27982404692084,70.61290322580646,8.217008797653959,29.574780058651037,8.575989854853784,2.2060322580645155,615,24,120,10,11,202,96,155,0.225,0.591,0.184,-0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,8,14,2,2,6,0,5,4,1,0,3,29,26,17,1,2,8,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,1,3,7,10,0,0,6,0,2,5,4,6,0,0,0,7,13,8,13,25,3,20,0,3,3,2,8,3,2,2,15,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629296275523991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791629475770228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164235816099344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558525727828853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842091858592014,0.09301115532062247,0.0,0.12421805905534855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905143296396893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916915817875937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666615333682089,0.07534995861659999,0.0,0.32785837998999856,0.12096643643746445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446662641768598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585211025555582,0.0,0.0,0.15271010407071126,0.0,0.0,0.10186815040531104,0.21137851760099954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111002200527518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338156249938864,0.0,0.14130678154174464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968720784622184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518578947607806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672545948746046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298522672790079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775528429213787,0.0,0.1359273769600115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169722508222884,0.0,0.2522907432906969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313721206846112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101853337447364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,finakaida,2019/05/05,DAE wait for the day to be over every day? Since my bf left me there is no point in living. I wake up and all I do all day is wait for the day to be over so I can go back to bed. That's it. Every day. Anyone else?,-3.4951373626373616,-2.0310800192307674,0.014835164835165669,108.18730769230773,99.19230769230772,2.9714285714285715,7.428571428571429,3.1291,-2.651404395604396,157,0,48,0,7,56,36,52,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,2,5,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,9,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566393408682536,0.22953400825073034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225683522209495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7223688302938549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871391855998548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377491452872282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731519871944993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433973725730673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781294103612207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117704283783264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853108877856869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,QuasiBosniac,2019/05/05,"I can't figure out if acting on my ridiculous impulses will make me feel better or worse I want to shave my head. I want to drive across the country and live in my car. I don't know what I want.

I'm terrified that doing these things will come with a huge dose of regret that I won't be able to live through. But I'm obsessed with the ideas.

Just diagnosed with BPD last week... Welcome to hell.",1.2355722891566288,3.1666160963855465,2.388780120481929,96.415218373494,80.80722891566266,5.595783132530121,20.01355421686747,6.6274283507984215,0.011989156626505793,308,8,71,3,8,98,60,83,0.20800000000000002,0.657,0.135,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,1,3,0,7,3,1,1,0,19,16,4,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,0,1,10,2,13,12,0,11,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,2,2,43,15,0,0.2389824648611567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211360569465682,0.0,0.0,0.30099004851484235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586223252429287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24256217129270866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083671485343095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452649553903284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26978211378264577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313385127562991,0.1948026054265309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42205178966824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952265102407448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876933058182588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228741487918067,0.0,0.19169731811155816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435435485366801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,the_fiscal_cliff,2019/05/05,"Update to my last post. I am okay and ready to continue this fight again The last I wrote I have not answered to since and I feel terrible for that and would just like to let everyone know I was okay. I intended to overdose on heroin but instead I reached out to an old friend who gets stuff from the dn in a last attempt to find lsd in case it could maybe reset my drive, and it did. I’m not suggesting this for other people as I’m sure there are various potential bad effects for people it was just in my fog that I had forgotten how much it helped me shortly after my first hospitalization after being diagnosed. 

I don’t want to say it’s cured me or anything of the like, because it hasn’t, and it shouldn’t that’s my battle to fight. But it gave me the strength to keep going, and to keep trying, and it really helped to drastically elevate my mindfulness which I must admit has gotten weaker as time has gone on recently especially very lately I was assaulted by my last remaining parent in my life who I shouldn’t even feel bad for losing because they are a majority of the reason I am this way, I don’t blame my mom because she is sick and was abused by the man as well. But it still hurts to lose the people who’s love was supposed to be unconditional, but then it only existed with the exact conditions they required. 

So I am not perfect, I am not cured, I am not super spiritually enlightened I don’t want to say things people will think way more than they mean. But it definitely awakened a new fire in me, and I’m gonna continue to fight for as long as I can. To the people who reached out to me thank you so much, I would have answered sooner if it wasn’t for the whole hallucinating thing haha. But I love all of you and I’m going to stay in this fight alongside you.",6.3700576784426834,5.372981178082195,7.258269646719537,77.2404253785148,65.986301369863,10.64311463590483,31.539293439077138,9.93914555978268,2.733493150684932,1410,45,294,27,19,475,180,365,0.192,0.6779999999999999,0.13,-0.9861,1,0,0,0,5,0,22.0,0,3,3,9,11,26,6,0,14,3,35,5,0,4,5,59,60,27,0,9,15,2,3,2,1,7,3,2,0,1,29,13,0,3,12,0,0,4,12,12,1,1,12,5,42,14,50,37,7,38,0,3,0,2,29,11,0,2,21,212,71,1,0.0,0.12388050921017725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603980853175447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459801846042433,0.19120716642941726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347861340036251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612106517222876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905755304899178,0.0,0.0,0.09990672759654977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573224030621492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955613227312931,0.08893438017489885,0.0,0.0,0.08077888875825623,0.0,0.054625641800764166,0.0,0.11884196591162385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016194727448802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192822776909496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586647275418056,0.0,0.0,0.057460661724600015,0.34090492966840075,0.1179425285647683,0.0,0.0,0.10691451191481764,0.07385024752649269,0.1021605266841286,0.0,0.0,0.0925278334362992,0.0,0.2339404717530022,0.0,0.0,0.1887298343386144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503949228578492,0.11389098306917513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557068606337557,0.12245348430726576,0.0,0.0,0.15371982509614368,0.0,0.0,0.10097981441768104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971282349796267,0.0,0.0,0.07951874474704321,0.0,0.0,0.1160958897455028,0.0,0.0,0.3624261601199386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001347326923246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669805730684652,0.10749989388225256,0.1032353915318238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629257266641245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864889283871296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144165659608504,0.08349771166673194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969039393379713,0.0,0.0,0.09854179539123516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626014310928548,0.0,0.0,0.1389233151091235,0.06699458503103016,0.0,0.0,0.0609668274350364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098594238879194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626877695330197,0.1233384273247696,0.16598169250898626,0.0,0.0,0.09400744931889174,0.0,0.0,0.1167318587678778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148545661807004,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jmdeman,2019/05/05,"i feel like i’m ruining all my relationships with my friends i don’t know why i keep doing this, but recently with all my friends i’ve just been cancelling plans for no reason and ignoring them to an extent. part of me cancelling plans is that they’re with people i don’t know very well and i just don’t feel like going, but i know i need to. i keep being sad that i don’t have as many friends as i used to (i moved states a couple months ago) but i’m making it so hard for myself to make new ones and get a better relationship with the ones here. even if its not with people i don’t know, i’ll still just cancel for no reason or just lash out with the people i’m good friends with. every time someone asks to hang out i want to but at the same time i don’t... its so weird it feels almost like a ball and chain keeping me from going and hanging out with people. i get so upset over this and i keep having mental breakdowns over it... i’m not sure why i keep doing this, i’ve done this a lot in the past but never to this extent :( i’m so disappointed in myself",1.6263594575959566,3.0042541135371184,3.280831992645368,93.00769248448636,77.73362445414847,5.8690875660767645,19.039531142266146,6.339386263674448,-0.18827161572052376,828,16,192,6,19,275,109,229,0.171,0.687,0.141,-0.7433,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,12,17,0,1,9,0,14,0,0,5,4,57,41,19,0,3,13,0,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,12,17,0,6,9,1,0,5,11,6,1,2,2,4,25,11,30,38,7,23,0,3,0,0,8,8,0,4,12,127,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931093226333485,0.0,0.10517978927112123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819579540077727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289704964194924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622189165691248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748973432567192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937621588914641,0.0,0.08849854459941597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933020515633886,0.15007748735950407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246065566095204,0.0,0.10975541852646993,0.0,0.11939035659033922,0.08810039250588653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409288413363076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46681036219167205,0.0,0.0,0.23090324501425485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394791246568398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892990462246141,0.0,0.0,0.1402265679796528,0.10649144319251756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058529999690502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383985518170356,0.1116381394025689,0.0,0.07788390546490381,0.0810113226915003,0.10144578103595664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235212909770525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374527464389868,0.10027008905129088,0.2912788469121386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159918942029287,0.1037117664049194,0.2255417293210938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899785306175087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388300794167029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899651188504187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249631200250505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071859392474417,0.0,0.08666686017905867,0.061953783356909264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944412422853816,0.0,0.1895598423939029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Team_Inkfluence,2019/05/05,"No one is going to read this... ...so it doesn’t matter.

I lost everything because of BPD. A condition I didn’t choose or ask for, but here it is. 

I just want to go home or I just want to stop hurting.

Please let me come home.",-2.2189285714285703,-0.4718911836734669,0.5252806122448987,102.20588010204085,103.6938775510204,4.08265306122449,14.28826530612245,5.985473137389443,-0.8719204081632652,168,4,43,2,8,57,37,49,0.19,0.6729999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,12,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,5,9,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213559512295499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433798664581896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982142541244847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396372713168268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128012640749337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26913337625941275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750163178375019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534763002879836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242122076507552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584717222791313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604472514193047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259911709098539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368425932551762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795744297518508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793162088308632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shooksilly,2019/05/05,"What medication combos have worked or are working for you? I’m currently on bupropion and viibryd and recently added lamotrigine. 
I didn’t really think much of the viibryd, once i got the bupropion up to 450mg is when I started to see my motivation to actually get out of bed occasionally happen. 
The lamotrigine - I thought was working for a minute but this past week has been hell, so I’m thinking it’s not. 

I’ve tried a lot of different ADs but I only was diagnosed with BPD in January so most of them were for treating depression and anxiety. 

I’m wondering what are good regimens for BOD specifically.",4.9456714975845415,6.834689634782612,6.939420289855075,68.06903381642515,70.04347826086956,11.719806763285026,35.386473429951685,11.429527900616536,4.945357487922706,488,26,86,19,9,171,83,115,0.11699999999999999,0.8340000000000001,0.048,-0.8735,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,4,3,4,1,0,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,16,22,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,1,8,2,16,15,3,10,1,1,1,0,2,4,1,4,6,56,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.1946592116749588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259813183484322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512322781021195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180786614892382,0.20246332786068408,0.0,0.2084093324864024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421766128674947,0.0,0.0,0.1673104979904717,0.15953869648310773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639543376995595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958684824152245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095047543992872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466373678808124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243478640448069,0.0,0.1517100272472937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042183644754476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778904643906674,0.0,0.1969578885079217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589560643235557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118971187478674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556315583906811,0.0,0.1583611826846413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135430699871289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000713037812803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632255774545647,0.43566139175150415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cirquedujerk69,2019/05/05,"What medications have helped you? I’ve taken Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Lexapro, Abilify, Lamictal, and I just switched to Cymbalta. Cymbalta is the first medication I’ve actually had success with. It doesn’t make me feel like a zombie, my depressed moods aren’t as low, and I’ve been motivated to do some of the things that I used to enjoy before life turned into a complete train wreck. 

Unfortunately, I think Cymbalta is increasing my anxiety. I’ve been having more generalized anxiety, unease in social situations, more frequent panic attacks, and the occasional vivid nightmare. 

I want to talk with my psychiatrist about increasing my dosage of Cymbalta to 60mg and possibly adding something else to help with the anxiety. What medications have helped you?",8.255299145299144,10.193212153846154,8.378717948717952,60.71850427350432,62.07692307692307,12.547008547008549,39.05982905982906,12.06081838636515,5.71834188034188,620,32,91,22,9,202,87,130,0.18100000000000002,0.705,0.114,-0.8159,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,3,2,9,1,2,6,0,11,6,0,3,0,17,18,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,4,2,11,3,15,14,5,7,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,1,3,57,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.1627691571824662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827962071661599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975490459794825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193139149256365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488277831666474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366143441017415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933693067395306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433723599381505,0.1191593313054904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187687288289175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354001917600434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781318046048005,0.08148826151095326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113378453071573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040892630972379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569955469230574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803780019132907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748606313851346,0.0,0.17002785302959295,0.0,0.12840796357789655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340645717255572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081206997476807,0.10687635316732404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142651000320228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405847511495226,0.0,0.0,0.0983807968342431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toastyroastypostyy,2019/05/05,"I have completely lost touch with my feelings I never know if what I’m feeling is rational for the situation I’m in. It’s partly because I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and partly  because of my BPD. I don’t allow myself the time to feel anything anymore because when I feel things I overthink and I hate it. 

I’ve tried to work on writing things down and sort of sitting on things for a few days before talking to people. so know that in the moment I could be very upset but even when I feel as though i’m being rational people still turn things back on me. 

I just cancelled my birthday plans with my friends because so many of my friends kept cancelling. I reached out to one of my friends and told her I was upset because today she tried to change up the plans I made for ***MY*** birthday and these plans were made a month ago. I like to plan ahead bc my anxiety gets really crazy when things change last minute... anyway... she basically just fussed me out and told me I was overreacting and it sucks because the entire time I literally reminded myself to be kind and mature. 

I was doing everything I could to not be confrontational and she really hurt my feelings and then left the conversation. It’s like no matter what I do people will never understand me and it hurts my feelings. 

I’ve said it before but telling my friends to google BPD was an awful idea because it seems like they read all the negative shit and use it against me. And I honestly can’t tell if this is still just me being crazy. I hate this.",3.205340936963452,5.326485771523182,4.166924208977189,85.1098516065735,75.39072847682121,6.990630365464803,26.416973264655386,7.921354282810032,1.6219179298503803,1221,46,237,19,27,394,148,302,0.17600000000000002,0.688,0.136,-0.9406,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,7,15,19,5,2,11,1,20,1,1,4,3,52,48,25,0,4,9,0,8,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,19,18,0,1,12,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,13,9,45,9,32,27,4,30,0,3,0,0,18,11,2,4,21,170,64,2,0.0,0.10052184584566508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520577969718972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064902573737501,0.0,0.08413874980873215,0.0,0.0,0.06981631271103156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523693015513557,0.0,0.3620248846156579,0.0,0.14438564065521764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370669822368107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949951083919788,0.0,0.08895340812655607,0.0,0.0,0.1354761029179193,0.0,0.0,0.05471495498842485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543388368772987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603619767409944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624896344541607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002845249877893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26218952618494623,0.0,0.04432553901599415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785451360365488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752440264487814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164652582262908,0.0957743371596082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883480848232911,0.09325198640038566,0.06915614289656752,0.0,0.0,0.09217920074997413,0.0,0.0,0.12434601028436355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261317591043718,0.0,0.0,0.16055582818122535,0.0,0.08601471678523206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771869347034827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308680917228108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748996210887222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374748788907055,0.0,0.1764526808791312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486322820466126,0.0,0.10870169784690263,0.0,0.0,0.09108669856099977,0.0,0.0,0.08070252425715513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723539472287141,0.0,0.0,0.08708731716989307,0.0,0.09536401727449127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550709718812606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819139470909838,0.1483082695741274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28182052517388273,0.0,0.08335513375393871,0.0,0.0989420865025071,0.0,0.08041865511102407,0.16213702598471674,0.0,0.11520194748164928,0.09228185041793624,0.0,0.08832171231384887,0.0,0.07327475269054874,0.0,0.07000210730068146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061764726437011475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emmaxly,2019/05/05,do the smallest things someone does blow you away It really started it out as an online crush and after months I feel like he’s finally reciprocating and I can’t believe it. Yesterday he sent me a heart emoji when I logged in and I swear that got me. I was on the edge of tears. It’s like the smallest things make me so happy. For the first time I feel like someone... likes me. I know it was only a heart emoji but that took me away.. I’ve been thinking here about us meeting in real life and having the romance of my dreams and I start crying. I feel so happy. I feel like I’m on fire.,0.023978494623655425,2.2427674193548413,2.193677419354838,94.05884946236559,88.51612903225808,4.5969892473118295,17.944086021505374,6.079149491110277,-0.27692623655913984,456,12,101,4,15,153,75,124,0.084,0.7020000000000001,0.214,0.9597,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,8,0,6,3,2,1,0,15,19,10,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,5,18,8,13,13,0,18,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,14,65,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701596144768157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198334616746976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792828814364335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258170388051466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907845288918835,0.3081351576954688,0.0,0.15749669154529994,0.0,0.12229354909417132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498869231240202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30609883666913257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407442547183543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901408028910158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155137814798523,0.3512020143661525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959698361997938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147585266433966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934612121324616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636455630528033,0.0921048978448496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436374077616699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352705261278808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103326771054266,0.0921241656761256,0.0,0.0,0.08383540414156794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973749636585094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294165330358033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Punkhorse15,2019/05/05,"How do I tell my friends and familly. Im 19 and i was diagnosed with BPD in January. Ive had depression and an anxiety disorder since grade 7. Ive done some research on bpd, just trying to understand it cause the doctor at the hospital didnt really explain to me what it is. I read about how like people with bpd are manipulative and liars and tend to cheat and stuff. I also read that there is a lot of stigma behind the disorder. So now im scared to tell people about it or talk to them about it. Im finding it most difficult to talk to my boyfriend. He knows i was in the hospital for awhile because of my mental health but he doesnt know about the new diagnosis. I feel like its putting a strain on our relationship but also from what i read about bpd that could just be me being paranoid.",2.9568381311939618,4.457060644171778,4.574846625766874,84.59557810287873,74.4601226993865,8.450967437470505,26.03539405379896,9.057496981413335,1.9657865974516289,627,22,133,14,13,211,97,163,0.121,0.835,0.044000000000000004,-0.8089,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,0,14,9,2,2,8,0,15,3,0,4,0,27,21,14,0,1,5,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,1,16,3,24,13,3,8,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,4,4,93,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656537641189127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445172608324737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729565041053702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.556153585327337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340587763611899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814127141339527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508288651043073,0.1120484064962129,0.0,0.0,0.2530440286321741,0.11299376398663415,0.0,0.11297221701273508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055818932001666134,0.07886607301184209,0.0,0.0,0.10089885469330744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085290754943026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173445187866849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577360099909891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213401989889609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786665402568947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938537181471846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125200149551888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661999364048444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306771995955284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097727345762062,0.0,0.0,0.3312740477072543,0.0,0.0707217409318721,0.0,0.0,0.11852270986683773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110524461504337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131972610353148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637564362382184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774623302459228,0.19297985637074486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749508282393078,0.0,0.0,0.11492488858300458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tipper08,2019/05/05,"Emotional Hibernation Surely, I'm not the only one who feels this weird inner conflict... 

Preface: I had a total break down yesterday. I argued with my husband via chat while I was at work and I honestly can't even remember what the argument was about, but I remember seeing that my message had been sent ""2 minutes ago"" and he hadn't started typing back. 2 minutes that felt like 2 hours! I lost my freaking mind. I felt my chest get tight, my heart was pounding. I heard myself pounding on the keyboard, all caps, typing some of the meanest things I could say to him to just get a reaction- because even if it's a harsh reaction, it's still better than radio silence. My mind immediately jumped to the idea of him either packing a bag to leave, or perhaps even worse, looking at my strand of messages and laughing at my pain- knowing his lack of reply was sending me even deeper into a frenzy.

The reality of it all? He was doing yard work.

For the last day or so I've had to acknowledge the severity of my disorder and the role it plays in my life. 

I tend to fabricate other people's opinions of me based all on a minor change in tone. 

Abandonment issues and insecurities basically control everything I say and do.

I am unsure what I actually enjoy or what is something I've just ""absorbed"" as a temporary hobby or interest. 

I lean on food or impulsive shopping to give me some temporary reprieve from... whatever emptiness or lack of fulfillment I may be feeling. 

The list goes on and on and it's causing me to kind of shut down. 

I'm sick of talking about it, but it's all I can think about at the same time. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be acknowledged. I don't want to be accountable for anything right now. I just need some time to... hibernate. 

Yes, that's actually the perfect word for it. I need an emotional hibernation.",3.9783741120757727,5.560022563535913,5.52230860299921,78.49758287292819,71.98342541436465,8.707340173638517,30.88437253354381,9.23628265651192,2.859972059984215,1456,65,273,32,28,493,195,362,0.165,0.732,0.10300000000000001,-0.968,0,1,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,6,14,17,1,1,20,1,25,6,2,2,7,65,48,21,0,9,15,1,5,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,18,10,1,4,11,5,2,3,6,7,0,1,15,10,39,10,46,27,12,33,0,2,2,0,19,17,0,12,13,192,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.22319464366993744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013718396242519,0.0,0.0,0.11844083475976146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410723595707604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793456630451035,0.0,0.06971183159252804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114072953739817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747759914857893,0.12097604531651965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282626924862989,0.09130589319870552,0.0,0.0,0.07375172047238318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106465723926564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25727566128201634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021306323340441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027779743129636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156461068029336,0.0,0.21960403461074832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828265578782953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194951092982495,0.10970301722616234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551527869729355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262000826877845,0.0,0.0,0.1290967367901064,0.0,0.11936047956703645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908669681874375,0.0628483970785563,0.09321737577842916,0.0,0.12108905506987593,0.0,0.0,0.08077473425454172,0.05586974770297301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603227116733604,0.0,0.12483572477124776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309388092106182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959063927871015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749222523016656,0.0869747318435589,0.12168542209199737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928172958412928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25909159476886995,0.09766146611220224,0.0,0.1818848117037782,0.0,0.0,0.09112885496298252,0.0,0.0,0.12919246413499572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803869901170143,0.0,0.0,0.0809434785043055,0.0,0.0913267821928847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778145777828332,0.0,0.0,0.09191696643580033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597465300081674,0.07327625815246556,0.0,0.0,0.13336662907300206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235467769334334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650858399497415,0.0,0.11654100022249428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cnuntm8,2019/05/05,"My fp has a new boyfriend, and hes AWFUL. Ok so I wont get into the details, but Im confident this isnt just a me being bpd thing. My other friends agree with me. This isnt exactly bpd related so mods lmk if I should delete it or just delete it lmao. 

So her new boyfriend is fucking AAAWWWFFUFUFULLL. 

First of all, hes arrogant and a know it all. He starts little arguments and then gets defensive once you start getting upset. For example he was trying to tell me how to scuba dive. I AM CERTIFIED. HE IS NOT. He was trying to tell me how to dive holy shit I will never get over that!!! And when I started getting frustrated he goes ""jeeze ok just trying to help"" when he was literally arguing with me, not ""just trying to help"". So theres that. 

On top if all his other ""minor"" flaws, hes a huge racist. Slurs, ""jokes"", stereotypes, just all around disgusting behavior. 

The worst part imo, is that my fp doesnt care. She literally doesnt give shit that hes fucking racist!! I tried bringing this up with her and she said ""its his sense of humor, he doesn't really mean it"". Im so shocked. Im disappointed in her for completley over looking this major character flaw. 

And on top of that, shes a verryyy passive person, has a lot of anxiety. Now my issue with that is he is so agrumentative and tries to absolutely dominate every conversation. Hes arogant and literally thinks he knows everything. In my head Im thinking, how much different can he actually be with her. This is my concern because he was texting her one day saying he doesnt think I like him. WTF??? He was there for the exact same conversations and he left those hangouts thinking man that was fun! Does that make sense lol?? As if all of the literal arguments we had didn't happen, like its so normal for him that he doesn't even realize hes doing it. 

I dunno, Im just concerned for my fp. I want to be supportive be me and our two other friends completley agree he is fucking terrible. I know I can't do anything. Its not my relationship. But it just really bugs me that shes waisting her time with this dude. We don't hangout ad much anymore and it feels like shes loosing interest in me. She doesn't ask me to hangout anymore, I have to ask her. When we are hanging shes texting him 50% of the time. 

Im just over it lol. Any comments/opinions/suggestions are fucking welcome!!",1.8348333333333315,4.1089352404255335,3.7696010638297888,85.47645833333334,80.63829787234044,7.23581560283688,25.749113475177303,8.278499904357787,1.8493156028368798,1833,75,372,39,48,619,212,470,0.17300000000000001,0.6970000000000001,0.13,-0.9847,1,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,4,1,0,3,26,29,10,1,11,5,51,8,4,4,8,68,83,32,0,6,17,0,1,3,2,3,0,2,0,2,32,22,1,1,10,4,0,2,16,15,0,3,9,4,59,14,39,67,12,33,0,1,1,4,64,16,7,6,18,243,91,0,0.0,0.0,0.07723081372068423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538190216954179,0.0,0.060543129669815975,0.0,0.15697446022800554,0.0,0.0,0.06512681747611627,0.07045282893188147,0.14797347981735967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048244002556011266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935222282854784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069016541849355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103980356988997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268615801129356,0.0,0.0,0.06925737298401713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052272299642659316,0.0,0.06668023589859187,0.0,0.07112739318683654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001638563167145,0.056538795668882175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731782931460767,0.0,0.0,0.12228925270424887,0.29266064346458764,0.2067411738695981,0.07591986213181627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998468127680832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122214385535663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609393155348157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129192414397179,0.08260329917850047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048250892424124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598761162288178,0.0,0.0,0.11599380719505442,0.0793207036474828,0.0,0.0,0.06645903614664322,0.0,0.0,0.0672833829610326,0.0,0.0,0.05282765199392265,0.0,0.0,0.08620843529404316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635640713684567,0.0,0.06103890331730764,0.15287095716688495,0.0,0.0,0.077541993195572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428325212779203,0.05362841610484762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570267206016108,0.0,0.0,0.06910341792768858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140030832508527,0.0,0.0,0.08496849176549134,0.0,0.0,0.07528181256022007,0.06293660000232458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247549002719228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805055732918278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980898287419194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834654434889207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052578181778203815,0.2028430414088502,0.0,0.0,0.09229624078008228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223918271472254,0.0,0.07730987193859122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466797833540443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Court_750,2019/05/05,"DAE fall so deeply so quickly in love w/new guys? Let me clear this up a little :)

I'm f24 and freshly out of a long term relationship of 5 years. I am financially stable and independent as they come. I was diagnosed w/bpd just shortly after my break up but my whole life I've struggled with every single symptom. Ever since I got that clarity and understanding of whats been ""wrong"" with me, I just want to LOVE the guys that I am picky enough to date. I have a few ex's that are still friends... is this normal? Is this some deeply rooted issue that I have or does anyone else love this easily? Even though, I know better than to wear my heart on my sleeve.",2.657327001356851,4.236685791044779,3.9549389416553598,88.4047829036635,75.4179104477612,6.962279511533242,21.137042062415198,7.686295010490155,0.6253820895522386,512,12,111,7,11,168,95,134,0.022000000000000002,0.74,0.23800000000000002,0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,9,7,0,1,4,0,10,8,2,2,2,20,19,9,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,15,5,16,15,6,18,0,0,0,3,9,7,0,2,8,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975504647431357,0.1608313441779823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882464477047815,0.0,0.0,0.19769456843418684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352132584336303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593183030760789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736296760268746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311258710540197,0.0,0.0,0.16218897497102056,0.0,0.103675289618473,0.1419857291166681,0.13225155227287633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127239262487738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255409296450376,0.0,0.0,0.3108442160451592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600677009322752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383287179474715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626501349882376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605094953092641,0.1108705052910477,0.0,0.1573222716354837,0.0,0.13891094465036516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250068103518174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159980397720718,0.0,0.0,0.15379443141207866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685239228511584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984480774993148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535412937940135,0.0,0.0,0.16409609486006704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314891925374905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542193794694339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340828756784298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258326286851516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524816231001844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716188835040344,0.0,0.10108166648040512
bpd,idontknowwhatouse,2019/05/05,"DAE have weird obsessions about people they don't even care about? This has been happening a lot this year. I become friends with someone and I feel as though they're in love with me or something and I obsess over that and distance myself from them because I've made myself believe they're in love with me and I'm scared that I'm in love with them also. I OBSESS over these people. I'm straight but it happened with this one friend I have that's a girl and it made my HOCD a million times worse. Idk why. It's like an FP, but they're not my FP, they're just a friend or acquaintance. It's hard to explain. Everything has been fucked up since my former FP left me in July of 2018 and I haven't been able to recover. I feel so lost rn.",0.7533396584440233,2.956162580645163,1.897495256166984,97.69800759013285,84.48387096774194,4.937381404174573,18.795066413662237,6.2272716619740125,-0.25594876660341503,580,15,132,5,17,183,86,155,0.168,0.6890000000000001,0.142,-0.2999,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,7,15,1,4,5,0,9,4,0,2,0,23,25,14,0,0,6,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,11,11,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,6,3,18,8,19,19,1,12,0,1,0,4,11,9,1,3,4,81,29,0,0.15586731867972706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464703843486652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501527075901416,0.1721432076084634,0.0,0.1756090927876678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891711940622374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294889396826676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008349564661182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157622399226767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612681112990673,0.14409682450689554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756659102975154,0.0,0.13962650207557672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935029780714278,0.0,0.0,0.07614889874453924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014759071126184,0.1325128204734411,0.4220290217246171,0.2949708512977164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056197290152963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611754649368287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560503772719984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893505670029845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320658733087655,0.1199942769078636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313884922122958,0.0,0.09088748697392217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064601149789935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884211385221278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037344291896468
bpd,imissgelpens,2019/05/05,"Apparently this was important enough to share. See, I like to write. But it seems that the things I write on the fly mean more. My husband liked it enough to share with his gaming group, so I figured that maybe it'll help some of you, too.

""I'm still me. I have a few people who care, and I consider them my real family. Blood doesnt define who you are, and relations don't dictate who you need. That's all you need.""

Just remember, guys. We may push people away. We may treat others like shit. But those that we hold onto and those that stick around? Their the family we need. They're the ones we need to try to be better for. And they're the ones we need to love the most.",0.8234772182254169,3.002888949640288,2.0311942446043183,97.0048729016787,83.96402877697841,5.7210551558753,15.022062350119905,7.0316486544052195,-0.4512248441247002,520,8,121,7,15,165,88,139,0.024,0.773,0.203,0.9731,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,6,4,2,1,6,10,1,0,7,0,9,3,2,0,1,33,20,7,0,5,3,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,16,12,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,1,21,9,13,15,7,6,0,0,1,1,26,4,1,5,4,84,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727912866590702,0.0,0.0,0.1448848797257456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363857505355922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572268391276205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186792246663831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907499408833519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269162681834678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336336170747837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260168828390727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918007355827758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492414661510173,0.16797932830007398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5717218653560638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899266491411755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138188688681175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552414535735153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468927588143274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288498744691992,0.14038651598220125,0.0,0.0,0.1582938118926686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231518873785806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244992416597247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469811217604924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Koi-Nami,2019/05/05,"DAE lack empathy? I tend to get annoyed when people tell me their problems or act sad around me. I don't get sad when others are sad, and the only times I feel sad are when I believe they are angry or upset at me. Does anyone else act or feel this way? I have to pretend to really care when people tell me their problems. I really to try to help out and give advice though. It makes it really hard to keep friendships because it's hard to conceal my lack of interest in their issues.",3.6726406926406914,4.6168987171717175,4.9438961038961065,84.80727272727277,71.92929292929294,7.6773448773448765,24.24386724386725,7.957251820313856,1.2337261183261177,379,10,77,5,7,126,60,99,0.298,0.604,0.098,-0.965,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,6,10,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,14,10,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,8,0,0,0,4,15,2,12,14,2,12,0,4,0,0,8,4,0,3,5,50,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340057866434258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407608715621038,0.1818169142896589,0.0,0.15796674816541226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081709324919426,0.0,0.0,0.19992364563255172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180920528434886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552863406995641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823541630170226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944654337954494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854189899437916,0.17022472942463235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179179264438483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893996040805775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852100867600167,0.0,0.1577243420232607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844822309069425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495754783414438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460408347557605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395884172051292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410340765288017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31019554589988896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743422082437402,0.0,0.10347162239587407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120475854415992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085032577936088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AvrieyinKyrgrimm,2019/05/05,"He went out to a party this evening and I haven't heard from him since. It's got my anxiety on overdrive right now. He went to a barbeque party around 3 in the afternoon with this work buddy. Its the first get together hes had time to go to for a while. At first, it was fine. Didn't think anything of it and I was feeling fine. I have no reason to believe anything bad will happen. Around 5pm I ask him if he will call tonight before bed and simply replies, ""soon."" It is now almost 9pm and I haven't heard a word from him. He's been inactive on Facebook and didn't answer my phone call. I've now got all these crazy anxious thoughts going through my head. Like, what if he got too drunk and something happened, what if he got hurt, maybe he forgot his phone somewhere, what if he did drugs, what if he's mad at me for some reason, what if he got arrested, and god forbid I even entertain the idea that maybe he met a girl there. 

I know all of this is not rational and everything is probably going to be okay, but I can't stop my hands from shaking and I can't even enjoy my movie I just keep pausing it and staring off into space lost in thought. I think I'm handling it okay but internally I am not very proud of how I'm letting my thoughts run rampant. I feel scared and worried. What are some good immediate ways to cope?",1.1491722537390388,3.2207181913357417,2.538972408457969,94.47967057761736,81.88808664259928,5.54559051057246,22.88924703455389,6.7097532225279775,0.4943564724084579,1037,36,232,11,28,335,153,277,0.134,0.7829999999999999,0.083,-0.9345,0,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,5,13,16,1,2,8,2,22,4,2,4,2,51,52,21,0,6,11,0,3,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,18,16,1,4,12,2,0,7,9,7,0,2,22,6,25,9,28,26,4,32,0,2,1,0,25,13,0,9,12,140,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950600868969912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365839375580053,0.12354315121761487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799842515639032,0.19470319873245204,0.10223475155223424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913091690154742,0.0,0.0,0.09305540661200602,0.12320875677630133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333301761700786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682029293718927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668932461251514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828371110809313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058914740997744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860393244386548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713492058783365,0.0,0.18645162036616134,0.09172410796951834,0.43731698839262817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340942746302614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223262043768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706975322045067,0.12345160982683405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720220953634903,0.0,0.0,0.06010016974324076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182572774558497,0.0,0.05342668192895533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937692284171805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972915475203555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790617085279513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487599953753304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339093697776672,0.0,0.0,0.1094862041193001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046187636840457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418895310828317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142799137799704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401440850626026,0.0,0.26045355897943506,0.06376739438042141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023161207723313,0.0,0.0868031066355589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275149444923146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961375808277404,0.11105812250135193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkblossomdrop,2019/05/05,"""You Mental Disorder is Not an Excuse"" Everytime I hear this I get really upset because this disorder affects my emotions in ways I don't even want them too AND my personality. I still have to seperate myself from it, though, so I can actually find an identity seperate from, what I see as, a result of my trauma and years of emotional/physical abuse. 

How can I not get so upset? Is there a legitmate reasoning behind this? Where is the line between blaming it on a disorder for a bad reason versus a legitmate one? 

I was thinking I should definitely start logging my emotions more but I find NOT using pictures is hard, plus it makes it stick in my brain more so I am more aware of my emotions (I think that's mindfulness?).",3.7777098321342923,5.883420913669068,5.566348920863309,75.78583033573143,73.67625899280577,8.949880095923263,30.288369304556355,9.516144504307137,3.199862829736212,573,26,101,15,12,196,89,139,0.175,0.8109999999999999,0.013999999999999999,-0.9352,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,2,8,0,11,1,1,7,0,22,21,10,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,3,21,0,14,19,3,8,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,83,30,0,0.0,0.16809317441967953,0.13844500354109548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845582229810302,0.08648285293043298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837423793238226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877871611229876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787551697239584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370403289161486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259333872488262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824281226393984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708797383548273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598982033404924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469956504430298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429719517510863,0.0,0.1432486180368263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961350256439224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387572367554085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088578359349077,0.29173271126596245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305230663781753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041656899911124,0.0,0.1132978504877426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818095927857204,0.13938690559252967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253043784613765,0.0,0.0,0.08367881238596096,0.1126100859904058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135985860734393
bpd,Peachfuzzblush,2019/05/05,"Feeling like disappearing Havent been able to get out of bed or eat today, I just feel like punishing myself. I keep thinking about deleting my reddit, because I've been so shut down for the last couple months I havent spoken to anyone really. Hate getting into that thought pattern, but I dont think I'll ever shake the feeling that the world is better without me. 

Just screaming into the void. 

Here's hoping it helps.",6.265925925925927,6.835904481481485,6.461333333333332,77.592,65.91358024691358,7.961481481481481,31.014814814814812,7.554174236665415,2.130306666666667,337,12,58,3,5,108,63,81,0.079,0.6890000000000001,0.23199999999999998,0.9077,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,17,17,3,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,1,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,4,7,4,10,14,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,6,37,10,0,0.21078282567219586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738425265480715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849125411431528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864202802224176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332271874528658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470359018592425,0.0,0.0,0.2156834526527733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906651333650113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197343899254186,0.3011665855532334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025065334684105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810440184810766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128328493679873,0.0,0.0,0.2093549061685611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873534603432724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181613573182258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595568314331406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824484046608884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350328755283284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701222473065473,0.0,0.16733801891362018,0.0,0.0,0.19979747254834448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318712214532186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LokiOakensheild89,2019/04/01,"How do you get over heartbreak with BPD? So I broke up with my boyfriend in November after 4 years. He used my BPD/bipolar as a way to manipulate me for years without me realising. I found out he had lied about his past and told him I didn't want to see him again. 
Now after weeks of thinking I'm over it all I find out he was in a new relationship less than a month after we broke up. I'm so hurt. I'm still getting over it and couldn't even think of dating anyone else yet. It hurts so much to think I meant that little to him. I know I'm better off without him but I'm so worried I will be alone forever. How do you open yourself up to something new when your such a mess? ",1.5484693877551017,2.8233746802721136,3.3153911564625886,93.11145408163269,77.70748299319727,6.260544217687075,22.45408163265306,6.816661863887847,0.3519755102040821,526,15,126,5,12,176,92,147,0.16899999999999998,0.8170000000000001,0.013999999999999999,-0.9587,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,3,0,1,14,7,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,4,1,25,25,11,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,1,20,1,29,16,3,30,0,5,1,0,14,13,0,0,16,84,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959655695832015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107747218427529,0.15788914066191714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628502564307607,0.0,0.0,0.3881559988587783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872709113438352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177868293895052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408405762740388,0.0,0.0,0.16895785917564604,0.0,0.0,0.16101716993164816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299250292852845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468690552909386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544442621086278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299762863718113,0.0,0.1132779880630288,0.0,0.0,0.2976529593384217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471016755672926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654409934577122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227942332654616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863031250883185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230609360836641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962146931413462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472449384979445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308911259281345,0.0,0.0,0.09088957061634396,0.12231390564590187,0.12360618624650575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29708529693099395,0.0,0.0,0.15649155016851327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19846501363072674
bpd,m-m0216,2019/04/01,"Preparing for social situations = the build up of self-hatred and frustration I'm a female and I struggle to fit in with females. Me, my SO and his friends are going out this weekend. The one other female in this group has already messaged me asking what I'm going to wear while showing me images of her in dresses. 
I'm now already panicking. 
The road to self hating has begun because I wish I could change everything about my body and wear clothes I actually like the look of.. now I have to be with people I will feel judged by while trying to look ""smart"". I am frustrated already BECAUSE I AM SICK OF ME. ",4.115916666666667,5.5485527583333365,5.343333333333334,80.5016666666667,71.41666666666666,7.666666666666668,30.0,8.167268648758528,2.2195,481,20,89,7,9,160,75,120,0.15,0.757,0.092,-0.8079,0,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,5,0,9,4,3,0,0,10,20,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,3,16,3,19,17,0,15,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,0,7,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.16561066053250864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5618314460688167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865419871449246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069050096747388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885074816924628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952870592277625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549813771973612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252273024377885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580953297413976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311160852818611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928980897987396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755165001125685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291082320556803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850241851498633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499862537454245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765425360300324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540851966808184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075905591992312,0.0,0.1729960733137498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741579185829706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522068474989805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515598162485331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LaneyC68,2019/04/01,"How did you get diagnosed with BPD? Hello everyone! I'm new to this sub. I just want to clarify before anyone reads this that I'm not asking for someone to diagnose me with BPD!! So anyways-- I've been dealing with mental health issues that started before I was a teenager. I've been on and off medication since I was around 12 years old (I'm 19 now). Originally I was diagnosed with general anxiety/depression, but this past summer I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The medication(s) I was prescribed sent me into a downward spiral. My experiences taking these meds has basically made me terrified of ever taking meds again. I'm aware that doing well on them is all about taking the right cocktail and dose, but something just felt really off this time. I didn't really think I had bipolar to begin with, and the strange reaction I had to the meds has kind of reinforced this. They literally made me a different person, and not in a good way. I've been completely off of meds for a few months. I feel back to normal, but that isn't ""normal"" at all for a mentally healthy person, it's just what I'm used to. I've been reading up on BPD. Sometimes I read an opinion piece or something written about living with BPD and it feels like someone has just effortlessly just described this inner turmoil I feel. I don't know what the next step to take. I'm wondering how everyone was originally diagnosed with BPD. Did you ask your psychiatrist about it, or did they/a therapist notice it in you first? What are the steps you've taken since your diagnosis, and have they helped at all? ",5.115821794099936,6.6145993178807965,6.135159542444309,75.52632149307648,69.06622516556291,9.729319686935582,30.61468994581577,10.018931242160765,3.202915231788081,1262,51,227,32,22,419,155,302,0.066,0.897,0.037000000000000005,-0.8866,1,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,5,3,1,18,5,0,1,13,0,25,10,0,7,4,51,54,14,0,3,12,0,4,1,0,0,10,0,0,2,18,16,1,0,7,4,0,3,5,1,1,1,22,4,26,4,38,32,5,37,0,0,0,0,16,16,0,4,18,153,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326594852501209,0.0,0.0,0.06781523232473435,0.14243368313025453,0.0,0.0,0.058576751326723686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964499935386012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797223018057008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987196293729416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785369392942549,0.06561263993616763,0.3865991042484211,0.0,0.07959057287816163,0.08730743958229943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890803458576962,0.0,0.1455841074890559,0.0,0.07451742845412122,0.0,0.0,0.11555478450830275,0.05442210939965353,0.0731435399430589,0.0,0.0,0.06479760009326026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039800249186901386,0.0,0.0,0.06389511556283581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809744417970419,0.0,0.0,0.05106100582206724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951081609505996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932843839493291,0.04186584504442994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03721708601542259,0.0,0.06726722594979216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416433757785346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338469641933452,0.07674206941498835,0.15354051153048856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060805146075239534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357390493148477,0.08101695767629892,0.0,0.14927798821435498,0.0,0.08673000410042515,0.07993677639786302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727212302374248,0.0,0.13303268051110928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285980749020324,0.0,0.09760410718942174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505623050266067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603168725306116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909200389419154,0.11729223662236216,0.07534272496053074,0.0,0.053919706562804884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291077374523233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844939239038216,0.0,0.04881226271232118,0.0,0.0,0.04442043780280711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579397523265526,0.0,0.0,0.0449321964925425,0.0604671405639108,0.0,0.0,0.06849383888180796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261259748794318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905661303535403
bpd,k0n3ko01,2019/04/01,"Detaching from intense feeling possible? My boyfriend and I have bpd. I am going through the "" needy"" cycle I guess and he wants time apart. This is killing me. I would like go know is there a way to detach emotionally? Or limit the intense feeling? I dont want to care as much as I do because it becomes selfish and doesnt allow him time to cool down. Is it possible? I can't see how it is...but maybe someone has insight as to distracting ones self ...? ",0.6890000000000001,3.185644233333335,2.412777777777777,91.1225,90.0,5.222222222222221,26.38888888888889,6.816661863887847,1.3242222222222222,351,17,71,5,12,115,65,90,0.196,0.695,0.11,-0.88,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,3,1,11,0,0,2,0,15,21,8,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,4,10,3,10,20,1,7,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,3,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055406979278865,0.21841293613759866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490747088855069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016318571859596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177595673218404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224559828485586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999891340149418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247857586150273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785748251773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879469723303555,0.0,0.10868499470877853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966166762517199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867882340112028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537805409623514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400886069671572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445894584748976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759095824017655,0.0,0.2063092217068937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756336514044046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063358890456875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332906708493873,0.1569745181369024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404846723214326,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaythebpd,2019/04/01,"I’m choosing to leave this sub Throwaway for obvious reasons. 

Today I’m choosing to leave this sub. I thought it would be a place of support and ya know, people helping each other to overcome and cope with things, but 80% of the posts I see here are people looking for affirmation for their bad behaviour. 

I thought I had BPD really badly to the point where my ex blamed our break up on my BPD (they cheated, that’s literally why we broke up), but seeing some of these posts are really... yikes. 

While yeah, I can definitely see my own traits in some of these posts most of what I’m reading here about how people act legitimately remind me of the abuse that my narcissistic ex put me through. I’d be horrified if I ever treated someone like that.

Now I’m starting to genuinely question whether or not I have BPD or if I’m just reacting in a CPTSD way to the abuse and neglect I was put through for years. 

Just please keep working on bettering yourselves. I’m sure that you would know who you are, as you know yourself better than some anonymous reddit user would. ",5.166915113871634,6.172009159420288,5.567732919254659,81.4796739130435,68.51690821256038,8.426363008971705,31.69392684610076,8.634040054169528,2.430456452726018,844,35,163,13,14,270,125,207,0.18600000000000005,0.7170000000000001,0.096,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,2,4,2,3,9,11,1,0,6,1,12,0,0,3,3,39,30,13,0,5,10,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,2,9,1,0,3,1,5,0,0,4,4,22,6,28,21,6,23,0,2,4,0,13,9,0,9,7,107,35,2,0.0,0.26381487763577044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591122675091776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692406906521545,0.0,0.0,0.4206474172419128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070404852493328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462192237738352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895491445519512,0.0,0.0,0.18355160394150669,0.0,0.0,0.235764064118252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054390046945668125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348887281287284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315458994162468,0.0,0.1163157962845866,0.1222065317481362,0.1052425108166755,0.0,0.31986911121946626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383410954138575,0.12471469486025034,0.0,0.1113597844142386,0.0,0.14264125810179695,0.11446542935292875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661459682559753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432925712139106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879970425498417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263355754791952,0.10492688421647244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396247724912093,0.0,0.0,0.17676662407365798,0.0,0.0,0.1055274974273811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883682997797988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045769924729607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104931624616454,0.0,0.0,0.2372561824462525,0.0,0.0,0.0716926490398172
bpd,ApprehensiveBeing,2019/04/01,Doing better Been doing much better the last few days have accepted my feelings trying not to split on anyone and I haven't felt better. There is hope ❤️,0.5100000000000016,2.9464580645161327,2.4344516129032283,88.65167741935484,97.38709677419355,3.7703225806451615,12.651612903225805,5.6839178017228535,-0.6980374193548387,124,2,22,1,5,41,27,31,0.0,0.627,0.373,0.9136,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,5,2,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377249968273128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7732303650129121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794627381083756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735422248542954,0.0,0.2798155741625823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28945271820001256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375518607534153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423234050500894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785976950459244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FacelessSucculent,2019/04/01,"Ghost and ghouls, or BPD Before I was put on abilify, i sincerely thought I was being followed by shadow people. It is terrifying. Is this part of BPD? ",1.3598275862068974,4.0431028275862095,3.920258620689655,79.86935344827589,89.6896551724138,7.037931034482759,24.49137931034483,8.07648339933343,2.2072000000000003,118,5,21,3,4,41,24,29,0.187,0.7170000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.4404,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26432875383655635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7824715113171374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33638902230102474,0.0,0.21535621333830945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312275447556919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466106562526433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rogeuseraph,2019/04/01,"Advice for surviving a breakup? About a month ago my fp left me after we’ve been dating for a year. She did this in the midst of everything else going wrong in my life so not only do I feel completely abandoned but also betrayed. 

I didn’t handle the breakup well, I snapped at her and said nasty things and i regret it and it keeps me up at night, or i sleep 20 hours a day. I’ve been going to my shitty part time job most of my work days but I’ve been calling out a lot too. I stopped eating a couple weeks ago, stopped showering, stopped applying to tech jobs that I’m actually qualified for. I’ve been drinking more often but not as much as I used to, cutting myself deeper and more often than I ever have before and I was a “yes” away from doing morphine last week for the first time, I decided. It to but it was very close. Anything to make this pain stop.

The pain has gotten so overwhelming I don’t know how to deal with it and I definitely can’t bring myself to take care of myself when it’s so bad I’ve lost my will to live.

What advice would you guys give someone with bpd to get over a break up and deal with pain in healthy ways instead of self destructing?",1.645942028985509,3.611524304526753,3.0983360171765995,91.66685990338163,79.61728395061729,6.0367865449991065,21.676328502415465,7.079830092131019,0.5171833601717668,918,27,200,11,23,300,147,243,0.23800000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.07,-0.9940000000000001,3,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,4,13,13,2,1,12,1,16,7,1,3,1,38,32,20,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,11,12,2,6,3,1,0,3,5,11,1,1,11,2,25,2,36,19,6,39,0,4,0,0,10,12,0,5,22,133,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.10708285083047274,0.0,0.0,0.2144581772196448,0.19454204460116226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775284387404941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030029524330382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309706479253528,0.0,0.0916218485659073,0.0,0.0,0.09337406598672753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820393254613134,0.0,0.11204890012965106,0.0,0.11187934621852337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505218056949762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141665190383626,0.0,0.14153645180686145,0.2262582710819852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074958334089864,0.0,0.11228349052338384,0.09166721767692554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992591060279222,0.0,0.0,0.09862027431347027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554839247048268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333819919078144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573305736802455,0.10526517694263282,0.12472673745146301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865218353472808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806416630504967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177846602495188,0.09753506924262648,0.0,0.0,0.060305977048891325,0.08944643277417634,0.0,0.0,0.11922441503702053,0.0,0.0775071361644437,0.0,0.0,0.09689559066503227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978571774116464,0.09329043828339448,0.0,0.0,0.07324713162609454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758723823146014,0.0,0.08066583264075837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297628690687977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345632388738762,0.3502885648471921,0.0,0.0,0.1188293377457094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438050198187446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447467263137885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981150131577427,0.0,0.09297578271472473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669643112971624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250499865618656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290123365338794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797151949494426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477343538927864,0.0,0.0905406016365881,0.0,0.08710035560465641,0.17604119041336105,0.0,0.09866247465477417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988638781266888,0.0,0.0,0.07795064486535823,0.11997499368491693,0.0,0.07066397385904448
bpd,andsheloveshim2017,2019/04/01,"Too old for any hope? As I mentioned in an earlier post, I don't have the formal diagnosis of BPD (yet) but I am almost 100% sure that is what I have going on.  (My therapist also sees it and has referred me for a psychiatry appointment for meds and probably diagnosis).  Since coming to this realization, that is ALL I have been able to think about.  I was worried and anxious about relationships before - now, with this likely looming, I feel even more out of control.  

​

I also worry - I am MUCH older than most people when they get this diagnosis.  I just turned 40.  I have always had some form of anxiety and depression...mood swings...easily attached in relationships.  But things have gotten so far out of control recently that these things I have listed do not even BEGIN to describe what I am going through.  (Now, I am extremely labile in my moods, intense INTENSE emotional reactions, paranoia and CONSTANT snooping in my relationship, cannot trust people, need constant reassurance, crying jags, explosive anger, constant feelings of emptiness, cannot handle criticism or any ""perceived"" rejection...the list goes on and on and on.)

​

So - is there any hope?  I am already older than when most people start ""mellowing"" out (I apologize - I don't know the right term!)  Is it possible to have BPD this ""late"" in life and still have the symptoms decrease??",5.597716049382715,7.9208969506172835,6.144384773662555,72.65089814814819,69.20576131687243,9.139835390946502,32.7261316872428,9.642632912329526,3.59446353909465,1081,50,171,26,20,350,144,243,0.13,0.7829999999999999,0.087,-0.9339,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,0,1,2,17,8,1,0,5,0,26,2,0,2,2,35,42,18,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,14,13,0,2,6,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,4,3,22,6,31,38,8,35,0,0,1,0,7,14,0,7,18,132,36,0,0.09908434910158544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921866292066396,0.0,0.10934204312202328,0.1584754363566971,0.08244611593423175,0.2147157017091281,0.2407966589617683,0.2021422654085604,0.0,0.07579925585692313,0.11193711124611737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431348317830209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495865381627434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853523932231572,0.0,0.32122494305673416,0.2222630456612872,0.0,0.0,0.10883950484549627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114565563504972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088855618968953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020004811467773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051767482849883285,0.0,0.11262383798830422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682623138562155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445416698663968,0.0,0.11177146159705352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998620604277944,0.048407608027240506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006037488430263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283839738099293,0.07346978936559692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039723566005517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607783535199234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170271591501456,0.0948954169954493,0.0,0.1068296869011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097833841112873,0.3191385289578268,0.0,0.08461749274506836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895739774003968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196359748624284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013241227844821,0.0,0.07912888918499769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338582641313904,0.10298657743622308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504456623248052,0.13165447755452964,0.06348925005363297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077753190354264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124993236284333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407966589617683,0.0
bpd,loonymoonyme,2019/04/01,"I feel overwhelmed by other people's emotions I worry too much, care too much, feel too much. Today, as I often do, I comforted a dear friend, but in the mean time I was having a conversation with another friend, who's going through a tough time and trust only me. Then I worried about another person and in the end I feel exausted.

And it's not their fault, not in the slightest. They're not needy nor demanding. It's just me. I feel what they feel, I suffer because I'd want them to be happy but I can't erase their sadness, and also when I try to do my best to help, I feel crushed by my irrational emotions: abandonment, fear of rejection, self-doubt, ""they're gonna hate me"", out of nowhere!

I do it because I couldn't do otherwise, because I care. Do you know any strategy how to be helpful for others, without feel TOO bad? Like, right now I'm feeling the urge to contact another friend, because I've just ""sensed"" that he needs reassurance.

Is this a BPD thing or a ""me"" thing? (I also have another diagnosis, so my options are open)",4.347784679089028,5.1494263768115935,5.510728088336787,81.88836956521742,70.25603864734299,8.812836438923396,30.727743271221534,9.04235418022936,2.492098964803313,808,33,163,15,14,269,123,207,0.155,0.573,0.271,0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,4,1,14,22,1,2,9,0,14,0,0,1,0,33,32,15,0,3,9,0,8,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,10,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,1,8,28,12,19,27,4,14,0,5,0,0,16,6,0,3,8,110,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064864013487735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255657090838175,0.44751796711853215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908625164818973,0.2601622461418621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197030170352973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437919564259312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756626279568494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400360612671681,0.0945005078428244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006205455308408,0.4315874395507588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472979410156468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063748818528704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357930017024395,0.0,0.10533967659900924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430314343369896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863703397561204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212601190406296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162226337690086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353003168521324,0.07911333096452558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811467045015631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739691971055225,0.09316235942112552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111733906867102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113066332213024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417674440837644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442996040760933,0.0,0.1011348196224299,0.0,0.0,0.07243921303225136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293174614141997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028506151037296,0.0,0.0,0.21670883560563825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,noodlenirvana,2019/04/01,"DAE know of any helpful BPD for loved ones subreddit? After making the mistake of stumbling on a certain subreddit, I wanted to know if there were any actual subreddits out there that provided some sort of gentle guidance for loved ones to help someone with BPD out. Ideally any that also included potential feedback from people suffering with BPD, not just non-BPD people. ",11.431641025641026,10.333240061538463,10.469230769230773,58.59410256410257,56.07692307692307,14.205128205128204,44.74358974358975,13.023866798666859,6.307051282051282,304,15,42,9,3,97,47,65,0.069,0.6679999999999999,0.262,0.9361,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,16,7,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,4,14,6,1,4,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,3,1,29,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.1493944720757561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242660409241912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123208450023329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7712496774748614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205226983004438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826932668228833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763407276897273,0.0,0.10218925323222554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747648577725505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122676770682589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971328150841302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029688093161184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,is2gstop,2019/04/01,"How early in a relationship do you guys tend to have the mental health talk? I'm venturing into a new relationship (wish me luck lol) but I'm not sure when to have The Talk.

All he knows so far is I've taken a year out of uni because I was 'unwell' and falling behind, and I don't want to scare him off because I'm taking recovery very seriously.",3.3550684931506862,4.000609986301373,5.621808219178085,80.7612054794521,72.42465753424658,8.579726027397259,25.558904109589037,8.841846274778883,1.714750136986301,271,8,58,5,5,96,55,73,0.11599999999999999,0.807,0.077,-0.1836,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,1,6,1,0,1,2,13,15,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,9,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,33,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852822429448902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23169174335286236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872564060628066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859747961337006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358118268055285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259937361699436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5024459129891052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342697194089116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205374275817646,0.0,0.1759350466055525,0.3761524801523921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930703015341901,0.13801625683899651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690825913281271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068504619983178
bpd,BedpostStory,2019/04/01,"I don’t want a story I just want a gentle reminder that other people go through these ups and downs, I just can’t deal anymore.",9.68888888888889,5.098369000000002,9.362222222222227,76.03000000000002,62.70370370370371,10.8,38.111111111111114,3.1291,2.5371777777777784,101,3,21,0,1,33,21,27,0.0,0.7559999999999999,0.244,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815364514570149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005821045177232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27595001245483336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33662015814658425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.572781513589902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emxox97,2019/04/01,[rant] my mom is driving crazy. I can’t cope and feel suicidal I’ve been out of work and school because I’m still trying to recover and my mom keeps telling me I’m nothing. That my life is nothing and that im old (im almost 22) she constantly tells me im a failure for not finishing college and for my depressive bouts. She says im a cry baby because I cry and get agitated easily. I’m so frustrated and sick this house. I honestly think it’s better if I just give them what they want and quit existing. Today she called me a burden and I just feel so bad I can’t stop crying I wish I could disappear from this world... ,0.3113636363636374,2.485547409090909,2.949575757575758,89.58936363636366,86.27272727272728,6.8533333333333335,22.43636363636364,8.021203637495839,1.3268145454545457,486,18,107,11,15,169,82,132,0.299,0.617,0.083,-0.9859,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,3,5,6,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,23,17,12,1,4,4,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,10,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,3,20,2,6,15,0,10,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,2,6,57,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246446791202484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393221530811672,0.15175876232754662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008885855429054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710385781984626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451427642782013,0.0,0.09938391395336607,0.0,0.4101929442827092,0.0,0.0,0.10721094964775148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258775564741694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650335440807761,0.1194086695006903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436285288944764,0.0,0.0,0.537821526205967,0.0,0.0,0.11063993987552816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879210416494036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915694463997964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388760540963075,0.0,0.13061656591980492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239549031468564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898826813102553,0.0,0.1259763025169386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994066510399587,0.10406746428144874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615648134845715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175949261082284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975915989563448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798864194730685,0.0,0.0,0.08451099632466658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341913784312548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143141194496757,0.0,0.0,0.09061997098171944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ReformedPunki,2019/04/01,"I don't know how to help my friend A friend of mine I met a few months ago on the internet might have BPD. I've known her for around 4 months and I started to realize she shows symptoms and I'm getting really worried for her. She has really bad mood swings that can go from being happy to being extremly mad at something and than happy again in 20 minutes. She is a bit underweight and she is still trying to lose weight becouse she thinks she's too fat. Almost every weekend she's doing nothing and being bored in her room a lot of times she also gets depressed at those times also. She was making cuts a while ago but she started doing it again and she is also talking a lot about suicide and how she just wants to end her life. The worst part about all of this is that she doesn't want to see a professional. I'm really worried about what she can do and would appreciate any help on what i should do tho help her or understand her better. 

There's probably a lot of things i didn't make clear so please feel free to ask them.

Thanks to anyone that will help me or just spent their time reading this. <3",2.781966148852309,4.490961237885465,3.7285045212149335,89.61062369580341,75.38766519823788,6.7172733596104806,22.079527011360998,7.475848149327749,0.7094281938325993,879,23,185,11,19,282,133,227,0.12300000000000001,0.708,0.17,0.9152,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,2,18,15,2,0,10,0,23,4,1,4,2,35,43,19,1,4,5,0,2,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,10,9,2,0,6,3,2,1,3,7,0,0,4,3,30,8,26,32,8,24,0,2,1,0,31,8,0,7,15,132,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001990681954954,0.0,0.11297500107564112,0.0,0.0,0.27067129407664786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767228730957109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888781115567989,0.0,0.0,0.10043555759830504,0.10547340100130992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942017117706296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997819481855977,0.12317247442129164,0.0,0.14209544145917416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717347934355283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992686230803784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505745581539053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704622603404085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433209524498314,0.0,0.11788974490263493,0.0,0.06411937957703309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402023724154424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024890081751828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200405642240831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968956111901349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621903207084004,0.0,0.2877518555568016,0.0,0.0,0.15061920905259346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968638193901902,0.0,0.0,0.18010699194156285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082558142832558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217530206415635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384474764022707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164126825829848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128525963446451,0.0,0.2168301116151792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990457875594918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868559376948608,0.0,0.0,0.15971207672754986,0.0,0.0900998469203074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340902744799652,0.0,0.0,0.11726532442729315,0.0,0.09068210229671128,0.0,0.103871399413801,0.0,0.0,0.07495396685212873,0.07229182375533702,0.0,0.0,0.19736236033767368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659877636230128,0.0,0.0,0.1174517486441222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330907542198054,0.0,0.0,0.13738688084019815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22915256722764935,0.0,0.08014555801784558,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cracked_borderline,2019/04/01,"Dissociation I’m new to reddit, I signed up to be involved in the BPD community. I’m looking for advice on dissociation particularly right now. I don’t know if I’m posting this correctly? 
Right now my dissociation is brought on by stress and I don’t have any control over it. I “deal” with it by engaging in anything that takes me away from being sober, because it lessens how scary the whole ordeal is. 
But I’m finding myself in a bar at 2pm right now drinking until I feel normal and safe enough to go back to the real world. 
I’m just so afraid when this starts to happen I just find the nearest bar or engage in whatever substance I can to feel present again or just feel safe. Y’all I’m so lonely, I feel like I can never open up about this to anyone who cares about me so I’m in a position where I’m isolating myself. I just don’t know how to let people know I’m not okay without saying “I feel like I’m going to engage in c*tting myself or use substances to feel present in my body again” without letting them know the intensity of what I’m going through? But I also want them to know how it is for me, and to receive that support from them, but they’ll never know, and ugh. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m literally going to die and then not feeling like ANYTHING then having it wrap up like nothing happened. In those periods I want my close ones to know I need help but I don’t know how they can help me. Help lol ",4.292480440967285,4.687147881756758,5.594573257467996,82.70007112375534,70.18243243243244,7.988335704125179,29.09246088193457,7.85451343220497,1.7141243243243256,1127,40,237,13,19,379,141,296,0.055,0.774,0.171,0.9812,0,2,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,5,1,23,17,0,2,7,2,17,5,1,6,3,60,62,25,1,5,17,0,8,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,13,8,3,3,18,3,0,6,10,4,0,1,1,10,31,13,45,56,2,48,0,1,1,0,14,24,0,4,22,155,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113986020242926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458593583825211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342505557781006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521476067142347,0.0,0.15350230784221958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876278274327489,0.07171690215725687,0.0,0.056854964044646315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359909709890716,0.1174670721814432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509236818190553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046073615193848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615463240152232,0.0,0.0,0.09679687479208664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136658117917837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963701945928655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772705490003997,0.26652110310705296,0.0,0.0,0.17048949585115414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120241356558568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495217340432647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875455915009928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100587546803709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907445472137702,0.0,0.2278287934968313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832115725001015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915662290196603,0.14386719465911132,0.09007827204120464,0.0,0.0,0.09138228591141498,0.08949262143730155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320042923205857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465989749416047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932442334389135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615876238272234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894964531179425,0.0,0.07417000954823545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601517210034333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683753420343063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583878247395158,0.0,0.0,0.07012550550427467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071971988757658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055312009330641,0.0,0.0,0.1100231018819304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412976286998656,0.0,0.1798129624235708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goblinkeen,2019/04/01,DAE have an odd sensitivity to morbid content? One obnoxious thing that I've noticed since I got back on my meds is I can't binge watch super graphic or morbid stuff anymore. Murder porn and horrible crime scene podcasts is how I fell asleep last night. Last Valentine's Day I amused myself by writing about The Crow being the best love story. I watched one gruesome documentary this weekend and I can't get it out of my head.,4.186167247386759,6.340144585365857,4.663937282229966,82.48890243902441,72.65853658536584,6.636933797909408,28.787456445993037,7.447530270364453,1.7694822299651565,344,14,62,4,7,109,67,82,0.214,0.6679999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.8379,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,3,0,6,4,2,1,0,6,9,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,2,9,4,6,7,1,9,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,1,6,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24629287070122036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096303237412535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606241981345486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016286627768084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297507304832231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986252824467894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548750280215878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048708829008945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241422989475094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585683622876483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330562488897878,0.0,0.0,0.28274399323476224,0.0,0.0,0.33657186103872977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054346872091899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28429718228990514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499029597037704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saucysadie,2019/04/01,"Bipolar or Borderline I was diagnosed a month ago with bipolar disorder and mixed personality disorder - borderline is highest, over 70 -whatever that means. My mom asked me what it meant over the weekend and I am so confused with which condition is what I didn't explain it well, and she (of course) doesn't think I have it (and she definitely doesn't accept that the other personality disorder in the mix is narcissism). 

The biggest indicator that I am bipolar is the mania and hypersexuality. But do y'all borderline folks also feel like you are manic sometimes? How about the hypersexuality? I just don't want to start taking a mood stabilizer drug for bipolar if I am really just borderline.

​",6.289285714285715,8.590321579365082,7.679555555555559,62.44600000000002,67.33333333333334,11.071746031746027,35.61587301587301,11.00357731598739,4.799021587301587,573,29,90,19,10,196,81,126,0.134,0.825,0.042,-0.8581,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,1,8,0,15,6,0,1,0,21,24,11,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,3,1,13,3,9,21,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,3,5,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696116732574195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416021800209053,0.0,0.1918544106627165,0.21515846641362416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165535804972824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972151675671055,0.0,0.0,0.608809951708772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053440631439397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953151086015837,0.12649827610723585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650706991367822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192880274890621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073813139373302,0.1413349508465658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092200015070921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343506744454045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512597232751553,0.0,0.1253304953380997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313400633609304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345879742841147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444000537131698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592064813013409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515846641362416,0.0
bpd,Razzi_Jazz,2019/04/01,"Accepting I have BPD I was recently diagnosed with BPD after a nasty suicide attempt. It honestly describes me pretty well but I've been having trouble accepting me. I guess I have a few questions. What was your diagnosis process like? Were any of you every diagnosed before 18? (With traits, or the disorder.) How did you react to your diagnosis? Did it take long to accept it? How do you manage with life? Are there any specific coping skills that have helped you?

I'm just confused right now, and well... I just need some help. ",2.3807613814756685,5.293718724489796,3.605102040816327,82.64264521193093,86.24489795918367,7.097017268445839,24.885400313971747,8.139509932561175,2.1740021978021966,417,17,73,10,13,135,69,98,0.10400000000000001,0.696,0.19899999999999998,0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,6,0,2,8,9,0,1,3,0,12,3,0,3,0,19,16,5,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,6,0,13,7,7,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,5,5,53,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519777037858817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576497461813725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46667807933440797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760870127654169,0.0,0.0,0.21233361500240852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609660116748836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204094008510391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483629803766837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086053621469665,0.09051277246609796,0.0,0.0,0.16395668672491046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737415664575445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884845481976649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075429868692865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829301748425732,0.0,0.0,0.15821818469477206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026535380394496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929876523414042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33315704789298045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xtyrant_,2019/04/01,Self destruction with bpd Gday guys i recently got diagnosed with bpd and was wondering if anyone eles got stuck with the wrong crowds and fell into life of crime doing all sorts of fucked shit and love it at the same time just being able to feel alive,22.67897959183673,8.074753632653064,18.20979591836735,51.781632653061244,53.48979591836735,22.865306122448978,57.163265306122454,14.554592549557764,7.220044897959182,204,4,41,4,1,61,41,49,0.303,0.596,0.10099999999999999,-0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,1,14,10,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,1,1,1,8,5,2,5,0,0,0,2,4,2,2,3,2,22,2,0,0.2200309410078293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385074992687398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5542425353022399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332677350802452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125425496361026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034150594303904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519576874659012,0.0,0.0,0.2178652248130173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541436072182047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858651484105488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172540095147222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295402584363196,0.0,0.2258585990149523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830181114362094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386141696314449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24056929295627316,0.0,0.0
bpd,AncestralGoatSeminar,2019/04/01,"I think I'm probably better off alone. I can handle my borderline stuff pretty well as long as I dont get attached to anybody. Which is pretty easy, I don't really like most people I meet beyond surface level anyway. Sure, I get lonely, but it's nothing compared to how shitty I feel when I get too close to someone.",4.9684375,5.3181589687500015,6.506250000000001,76.91375000000002,68.6875,8.275,28.5,8.07648339933343,2.0292625,250,8,45,3,4,86,49,64,0.155,0.665,0.179,-0.1314,0,3,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,9,4,7,10,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24268793345166764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723962887472167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27462478094636594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184807365156708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672722485280768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447836922124616,0.0,0.0,0.2073684587025184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248392137409774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624500464917614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767814113561482,0.2526397985616685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501132976358014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854109587174248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682437445013354,0.0,0.0,0.22084663035072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014470050099973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068449511718507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Soylent_green_day1,2019/04/01,"What do you do when you experience too much empathy? Someone very dear and close to me is going through a very rough time. Frankly, they're going through the exact same thing I have. Therefor, their suffering is more than relatable. We talk a lot. Because I love this person so much it pains me to know how they feel and I'm very sad and upset too. I'm not sleeping well, I cry, and I worry eventhough I know it won't change anything for them.

The question I get asked is why I feel *this* bad. As if I shouldn't or as if I'm doing it wrong. I don't really get that. Isn't it my prerogative to feel however I feel? Or is this being too empathetic and did my understanding turn into a bad thing?",0.5005024509803917,2.796526770833335,2.6274183006535954,91.31235294117648,86.84722222222223,5.888235294117648,20.97058823529412,7.285733465282438,0.6696156862745095,541,18,119,9,17,182,86,144,0.185,0.733,0.08199999999999999,-0.9374,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,2,3,0,7,10,0,1,5,0,14,3,1,2,1,27,31,14,0,3,5,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,1,5,20,3,10,27,5,6,0,2,0,1,11,2,0,6,2,82,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068780786220335,0.0,0.14846671807788395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652008724688882,0.09680962744503553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800083442537606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444627472155386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534749644955187,0.0,0.0,0.3211981742353411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659442414350115,0.0,0.1805117453427708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455659298284265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501531574078748,0.14333300334348942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334885131614633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689859541644982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866751907641114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790451101128174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173830478064357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892555330355015,0.0,0.13455992801043412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764615522569958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110137600534157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260389075433097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274061416712774,0.0,0.1653277081060922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931067795026336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279003735426635,0.0,0.14330210150403716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128013922196474,0.0,0.0,0.17363474704836218,0.0,0.0
bpd,yanaaaz,2019/04/01,"Risperdal Is anyone on risperdal? My psychiatrist just switched me over, i’d like reviews please 🤗",5.261764705882354,8.734100176470589,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,76.64705882352942,5.752941176470588,37.911764705882355,7.1686216300943375,2.8062000000000005,81,5,14,1,2,22,16,17,0.0,0.73,0.27,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029812492238749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514345831600003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7896224393267627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vtowndawg,2019/04/01,"Online Stalking of Exes Anyone else find it hard not to check the facebook pages of exs and their SO's.  Even remote ex's you ""split"" from?",1.5720238095238095,3.9185502499999987,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,82.21428571428572,3.733333333333334,16.476190476190478,3.1291,-0.9573238095238096,109,2,22,0,3,34,26,28,0.053,0.9470000000000001,0.0,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367775737230108,0.4935025004389906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023528222570079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181221603410392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440215053822705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43145955987479256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Aliiiengoddess,2019/04/01,"Will I Ever Have It? lately i’ve been thinking about how lonely i’m feeling. i want love and i want a romantic relationship, still more than anything. but i know it probably isn’t realistic for me, or healthy. 

since my bpd diagnosis almost two years ago, my life has changed drastically. i’ve only been in one romantic relationship since then that was seeming healthy. i say ‘seemingly’ because it was really great and he was a very strong communicator and reciprocated all the effort and care that i put into the relationship. but it still wasn’t right. anytime i grow close to a person, i feel myself changing into something that is ugly and not like “me” at all. so i’ve been isolating. 

recently moved into my very first apartment, all the bills are in my name and it’s just me. it’s just me and my cat and i really cherish all of it. it’s been nice to feel like i’m growing on my own, and functioning in ways that i never have been able to before. but i want more. i want love, affection, and commitment. i used to think terrible things about myself for wanting these things, but i’m a human being and it’s natural. i’m just very scared of the person i am when i’m in a relationship. i’m worried that no matter how much work i do i still won’t be able to manage that side of me. it’s hard to remain hopeful about potential love. 

no matter how good a person is to me, i still find a way to see them as the enemy. i still find a way to make myself miserable. how can i ever be with someone when i’m happier and healthier when i’m not? how can i ever be with someone if i know in my heart that they are truly better off without this side of me? 

i don’t understand how i feel empty and lonely, constantly longing for the one thing that is capable of derailing me completely. i don’t know what to do. ",2.2775815374453003,4.193008190735696,4.502041119643298,82.59329122285526,77.44686648501363,7.936223268103378,24.745190322846998,8.754623652393294,1.8814966394187107,1414,50,287,32,33,490,165,367,0.111,0.655,0.23399999999999999,0.9945,0,4,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,5,24,18,0,2,14,0,31,5,1,9,9,73,64,31,0,7,12,0,5,2,0,2,1,1,0,4,24,19,0,0,14,0,1,4,11,5,0,4,9,7,44,13,37,49,8,43,0,3,1,3,16,16,0,6,22,208,68,2,0.16445921072054426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289158370140106,0.0,0.08234107172642782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766795879505406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050126404200018786,0.0,0.06997133766497929,0.0,0.0,0.0727254036231606,0.0,0.0,0.10356530936746344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383856298071213,0.0,0.17397603842919612,0.0,0.08621617673653399,0.0888609907919638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314415734635415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631103677338258,0.05874484649963045,0.0,0.0,0.15031273916876406,0.06994446031243409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897029161899472,0.0,0.09065843020570834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366157486228209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744247827203582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167255211413751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355737218481286,0.0,0.09275857651588952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058081202084299316,0.08034646320245213,0.0,0.0,0.0727706131290649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264628788735727,0.0,0.05488890010133175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739705705491266,0.060448221399457026,0.0,0.06342054094821352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144181742206777,0.0625393202844174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539915897056114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865742243139309,0.0,0.0,0.08266346535647244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535678160634764,0.0,0.08119181503976178,0.35313529034479263,0.0,0.07022363368274198,0.0,0.06539228263717799,0.08232618003627082,0.0,0.06552634916924148,0.14971748878399846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604235858262495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393457555532064,0.0633043675813755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32834334530512393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638890879041242,0.10537882165784622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032637600800915,0.08560391916283197,0.0,0.0710199773268514,0.0,0.20354410860949104,0.2425057586854991,0.19581009978572045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792664051969921,0.0,0.059864132052151235,0.0835081557633872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295316984850259
bpd,adult-diversion,2019/04/01,"DAE lie and not feel an ounce of guilt? I was diagnosed with bpd several years ago. Sometimes my symptoms are strange and I feel alienated, however one thing I’ve noticed is that it is so easy for me to lie about any and everything. I don’t typically lie about everything, but I can if I want to. I’m incredibly good at it. I have no conscience for it and I never feel bad about lying to the people I love unless they find out, and even then it’s more of a “oh shit you caught me” instead of actual remorse. 

Sometimes it’s not even big lies or lies to keep me out of trouble, it’s like the most mundane shit. I feel as if I’ll never tell the truth or confess to the lies I have told. I have no remorse and nothing eating at my conscience because of it. 

Does anyone else feel no remorse for lying all the time?",2.6837278106508857,3.911806603550296,4.2823668639053265,87.51455621301778,74.68047337278107,7.3301775147929,27.201183431952664,7.882392219407189,1.5201384615384608,632,24,137,9,13,212,97,169,0.225,0.628,0.14800000000000002,-0.9384,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,7,9,2,1,7,0,9,6,2,0,4,31,20,15,0,3,8,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,9,1,1,7,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,3,5,18,4,23,17,3,12,1,0,0,1,6,5,2,5,7,93,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.14724002376723966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374865839232564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260560068967137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550088812008264,0.1545974439753426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598098627202065,0.09197686442440524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003183194136228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314304907378007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203871295599393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439095695635838,0.1260433692673632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199313571124322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712077876379218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814548421563706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790431063656086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265534853894346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411172565959492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371380284394738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361777807021506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327405122952781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447762890582356,0.17178127326422532,0.0,0.0,0.10224221242100393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046032606905914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045482075201948,0.3097584223276232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984542514244585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682518872724865,0.0,0.0,0.13187837533162453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023994778378972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879810792570126,0.0,0.0,0.14417515374810916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899469110032561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971636925035289
bpd,Stellared-Dendrites,2019/04/01,"Is there a helpful productive way for me to tell my friend (bpd) that I'm walking on egg shells all the time with her and its is wearing me out? I have a very close friend with bpd and I love her but Im exhausted. I don't have the energy to interact with her, I dread every text or call and the stress from it is taking so much energy I don't have much left for anything else in my life.

There's nothing in particular it's just the snap irritability/huffyness/aggressiveness if I don't react to her exactly right over this or that so I feel like it's going to sound really stupid and petty to bring it up. ",3.3068142361111117,4.122345289062501,4.983229166666668,84.66663194444446,72.671875,8.813888888888886,24.378472222222207,9.150863307647796,1.5984243055555556,479,13,107,10,9,163,79,128,0.174,0.733,0.09300000000000001,-0.9129,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,2,6,0,9,5,1,1,2,18,15,10,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,8,9,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,2,15,4,17,15,3,14,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,3,2,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197290860859673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957966721000986,0.0,0.20098368683616874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442477658776006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658363201789045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952229548360852,0.14061416692247194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041380911840632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186205090382774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192985121482972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260832489824807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138545087662572,0.0,0.1390256393808241,0.09616035841076652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764521290027008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893828752819453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888620490072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609324015599044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680902808832724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254661367213732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479903755694738,0.0,0.1720365976147692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477215647971498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624039495633646,0.0,0.15623313190856322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheNarrMaster,2019/04/01,"Appropriate vs. inappropriate grief. I've been told that part of healing is feeling the hard emotions, in my case, loss. But, at what point do I instead distract myself out of it, instead of feeling it? How do I know when it's time to switch over?",3.6062499999999993,5.4979871250000025,4.577500000000004,83.61750000000002,73.58333333333334,6.466666666666668,30.75,7.1686216300943375,1.780774999999999,194,9,38,2,4,63,39,48,0.187,0.753,0.059000000000000004,-0.755,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,8,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,8,6,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43418943782780894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903386573726424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457733267681652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213129963354774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179920977012765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36488753217357184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507524191618647,0.0,0.0,0.36883222940883137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eatmorelembas,2019/04/01,"Has anyone beaten retroactive jealousy? I've searched for posts on retroactive jealous, and while there are several, there aren't many stories of people with BPD that have gotten past their retroactive jealousy.

Is it possible?

I'm in DBT, I take my meds, I practice mindfulness, and I've been seeing a great therapist for over a year. But, I feel like this obsessive jealousy of my SO's past is the last demon I have to fight to ever be happy. It's all-consuming, it's all I think about, and it is so easily triggered. Triggered by music, triggered by his tattoos, triggered by almost anything - my brain can always find a path that leads back to thoughts of him with past partners. The thoughts are intrusive, obsessive, and very very visual. 

It's led me to countless hours snooping, questioning, and doubting. I just want to be happy in my relationship, and I feel like I'm destroying it.

I don't think I can live like this forever....so has anyone gotten past it? How did you do it? Does anyone have any DBT skills that work well for this? Any advice is needed....I'm truly struggling. ",4.069460784313726,6.347338004901964,4.447647058823531,83.36107843137256,73.36274509803921,7.082352941176473,28.490196078431374,7.984000788550335,2.041796078431373,859,35,152,13,18,270,114,204,0.142,0.726,0.131,0.3872,0,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,0,1,1,4,10,15,4,4,5,0,20,1,1,7,2,31,33,11,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,14,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,8,1,0,6,3,18,7,21,25,1,17,1,0,1,0,8,4,0,3,13,96,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061473308021385,0.0,0.0,0.12359769022068015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270395908565692,0.0,0.0,0.16787377404626266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589161624936565,0.0,0.10157268096782003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491033881141273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545623534433886,0.1377891184159114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080147521925923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164983993197733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482021166600404,0.17635736789644818,0.0,0.0,0.11281312583426086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608242323693154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26278785690118045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155405537248455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006122289567452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090553828746184,0.0,0.10899128171496902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251390262147616,0.0,0.0,0.1371033202835962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462949183704412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713130342186069,0.08557108009525212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914920108842985,0.11821217911940915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827026740503698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251802929842413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835802760522776,0.0,0.0,0.13944118971909686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903622665862874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928042802537425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331217777188218,0.0,0.15817839969778372,0.0,0.19597985952127334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368597068013694,0.07280243263853775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097872974394443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985878242263523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948511412242967
bpd,aliengal95,2019/04/01,"Feeling overwhelmed I'm feeling so overwhelmed, hit a low where I self harmed Wednesday, the feeling of escaping myself is incredibly strong, I think ""I want to die"" every day and it isn't that I really want to die, I just really don't want to continue feeling like this and living this way. I'm trying to access support but it's incredibly hard, I have an assessment where they will hopefully diagnose me properly with BPD in two weeks time, right now I'm in limbo but I 100% have it. I keep getting waves of crushing sadness and it literally cripples me, all I do is cry and I'm incredibly lonely. I'm disassociated 95% of the time. I experienced trauma five years ago and a similar trauma 3 months ago. I've been this way for the last 5 years and I'm at breaking point. How do people manage the emotional side to this, it's literally crippling me and I don't want to end up doing something stupid but I feel like if I don't get control of it, it's going to consume me 😪 ",3.5702199661590512,4.958363111675133,5.704588832487309,77.55542808798647,72.70558375634519,8.705109983079527,29.376988155668357,9.21078282632365,2.6076446023688655,771,32,150,17,15,270,108,197,0.18600000000000005,0.677,0.13699999999999998,-0.9675,0,2,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,2,6,14,1,2,7,0,13,1,0,2,1,28,36,13,2,6,5,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,9,0,2,1,7,19,5,17,33,1,28,0,5,0,0,2,10,0,2,16,88,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24714210219491736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557135523624182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563506767349842,0.0,0.0,0.15312604205043434,0.08990245863939164,0.0,0.0,0.14148962516548533,0.2893535724399234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680796562562693,0.12346838476847435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745180683795794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35242802700279324,0.19917697105485369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566309846721762,0.0,0.07922510570109413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487639544936074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845717980143102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390649075251635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363085792054138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362090985779948,0.0,0.12309411068167228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126897646392256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966434731168828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177951054853745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860838772105786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190481504916532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542620491213298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731811333851017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581912116342081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932287580014131,0.0,0.0,0.1625723139380916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464449272449728,0.0,0.1361750453223942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288905519815485,0.2213009021282902,0.11181950400708868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954003809073366
bpd,GeeHobbes,2019/04/01,"Learning I have BPD saved my life Now, whenever I get such in a phase in life where my thought loops just relate to being anti-living ( maybe some can relate )

​

I can always fall back on the fact that part of the reason i'm feeling this way is because my brain is abnormal.",6.65922619047619,6.028569803571433,6.650714285714287,80.62761904761908,65.25,8.895238095238097,31.16666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.0474952380952383,223,7,43,2,3,71,45,56,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,6,3,1,1,1,8,10,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,5,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041225447085046,0.2739899530436823,0.30727079927944395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444526325656086,0.0,0.15415025075765773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184872057665549,0.2822921268620485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786119626736234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321167486339092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572261768418479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540469226809223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27383897870698165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599976126598991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007545007995246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007204018492079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30727079927944395,0.0
bpd,theycallmeathief,2019/04/01,Body and mind are two different entities Do you ever feel like your physical body is completely separate from your mind?  I’m looking at my legs right now and I’m getting this intense feeling that they’re not even a part of me.,3.3489999999999998,5.4806096222222225,4.530833333333334,82.61625000000002,75.0,8.944444444444445,31.25,9.516144504307137,3.206666666666667,183,9,35,5,4,60,39,45,0.0,0.8759999999999999,0.124,0.5228,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,8,9,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,3,9,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.522684069072841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24668565460951025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581657754685915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539962319820694,0.21282341130129254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379283594342177,0.16808343239321316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292361628823904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494548135220768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757518314491665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751296305962664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547843319745513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092706148433254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22983348830810135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,until-it-didnt,2019/04/01,Welcome Party Hi guys just got back from a psychiatrist assessment and im now officially diagnosed borderline personality disorder ,8.27933333333333,12.688269600000002,10.610000000000003,30.86833333333334,78.0,16.666666666666668,46.66666666666666,11.855464076750405,10.401666666666667,112,8,11,7,3,40,20,20,0.115,0.6409999999999999,0.244,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019691248787152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985915590902076,0.0,0.0,0.4500787518757546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314085412100795,0.0,0.0,0.38884383751077145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42419331199156857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428985152329739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kroka4loka,2019/04/01,"Something happens to me sometimes and I’m gonna do my best to explain it. Okay sorry for the vague as hell title. This happens to me maybe once a month and it freaks me out when it does. I’m gonna try my best to explain it but it’s really bizarre and I’m not sure if I’ll do it a justice.

Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I have these weird moments where everything feels like it has a filter of swirling colors over it. It’s almost like when you are on a hallucinogenic and everything is distorted, mixed with a kaleidoscope rotating over my field of vision. When I look at things, they appear distorted and slightly terrifying. Last night it happened. I got up to go to the bathroom and everything looked like it had swirling prisms of color over it. I looked in the mirror and my face looked unsettling. I went back to bed and the colors remained when I opened my eyes and made it look like this were moving or appearing that weren’t there. When I closed my eyes, my thoughts were random and covered in the same strange color effect. Like, colors melting up things and rotating. I know I’m doing a terrible job explaining this.

Anyway, when it happens, it scares me. It makes me feel things that aren’t there and makes my body go numb and tense up. Does anyone else ever experience anything like this? I have no idea what this is. It scares the hell out of me when it happens.",3.705454545454547,5.368707725631772,4.23020183787332,87.15992041352152,72.82671480144404,7.346832950443058,26.30932064325566,8.00094639256281,1.4946404332129966,1108,38,223,16,22,350,135,277,0.175,0.7170000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9620000000000001,3,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,3,14,18,2,2,14,1,14,6,5,4,2,42,46,25,0,1,4,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,30,18,0,0,9,0,0,6,4,8,0,0,8,14,26,10,29,36,3,39,2,0,12,0,5,18,2,7,21,148,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923841013633576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929586973832863,0.1015438308670942,0.0815542050545954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620491218184296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800721358881788,0.0,0.0,0.11008227989587788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345327828900844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278873338193858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964530475482886,0.0,0.0,0.2672050424275092,0.096942796634275,0.0,0.0,0.10021999065272648,0.07079996711356047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264625319884095,0.0,0.07926257777629546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43818700718966014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187643157282456,0.0,0.0,0.09834549705446133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446500484867146,0.08078304395586344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29050345475633976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161122922689851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377466687762412,0.13230547200759954,0.0,0.09956335839059796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910392283489119,0.10533194201722376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600491162374755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554259970125003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348860468098176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844092499891716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629515455341815,0.19603291780842166,0.1109388921308934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340441273551614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752102057082416,0.0,0.0,0.07867756121861355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728515788633617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187046538662004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kvere,2019/04/01,"Has anyone successfully stuck to a routine or at least some healthy activities that turn into habits? I have this obsession with changing my life because I get caught up in this idea that it’s really just all my negative habits that are making me mentally unstable and if I could just Stick To The Thing, then I’d be all better. 

Obviously this is not the case, I can’t escape BPD by working out or keeping up with chores. But I do feel so much better when I’m practicing good self-care habits. 

The problem is I can never seem to stick to them for more than a week, then I lose some interest, tell myself I’ve been doing good so I deserve to give myself a break, lay on the couch, and start sinking back into the hole I just started digging myself out of. Before you know it I’m surrounded by empty bags of Cruncheez strewn on the floor and a massive pile of dishes and I can’t even get up to wash off the mascara smeared under my eyes, let alone work out. I hate myself lol.",5.211886632825717,5.408930827411172,5.847017766497463,82.38223561759732,68.13705583756345,8.800169204737733,29.107021996615906,8.59863814320734,1.9902219966159056,771,25,157,11,12,251,129,197,0.11599999999999999,0.762,0.122,0.2846,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,6,8,10,1,1,11,1,14,4,1,1,4,33,30,13,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,9,11,1,1,4,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,2,21,6,29,24,7,26,0,1,1,0,4,16,0,6,8,112,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666023704497294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926729192105813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115866127852827,0.0,0.10397857055765354,0.0,0.14514345855290214,0.0,0.0,0.30171258571792,0.0,0.0,0.2148283524272019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044162628310398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361871584981962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266061497063384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624588252258471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782327385412479,0.16362735932275546,0.0,0.2861339227474408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684036659154298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925540306207026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161144725221526,0.0,0.0,0.09374142582087204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442052505195693,0.12047942527250707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082545102282775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385754600000172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189556853396154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538939814609218,0.0,0.13155496184156582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321352412098122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927222613325617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528153993575156,0.17794287660977864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24146223097497665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908667565764008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331987178035052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553239602690125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682186244303188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835561129098355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cigaregretts,2019/04/01,From manic to panic lmao It’s my birthday in 5 minutes and I just had an argument with my husband n now I’m crying on the front porch while smoking after a fantastic day with him. Lmao!! Happy birthday to me!!! ,-0.3948504983388688,1.8081402790697685,2.4475747508305647,88.4558139534884,99.69767441860466,4.317607973421929,22.421926910299007,6.1826913282559595,0.8060392026578085,164,7,31,2,7,57,37,43,0.161,0.544,0.295,0.8544,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5403620598707021,0.31725418542341577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236686848530738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5771739205714937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThisDoesntEndWell,2019/04/01,"What is wrong with me - I am ruining my only close friendship over a video game. I don’t know where to post this- I don’t know it falls under bpd behavior or I’m just a monster of a person.

I started talking again with an ex after 7 years. It ended very badly.  We started talking and then playing computer games together.  

He asked me to play a game, so I got it and he rented a server for us.  It was so nice to have a friend again to talk to and play with and look forward to seeing. He invited his friends to play with us and I was excited to add more people. 

They joined, but wouldn’t play with me.  One is also an ex of his, and during the break up I said some really awful things to her. I asked him, when he said she was joining, if she’d be okay playing with me and he thought she didn’t remember me. She remembered.

So my happy, open world bubble became me and my friend and two people who didn’t want to play with me. So, I’d log in and my friend would be playing with them, and doing voice chat just with them, and I’d need to go do something else.

It felt like it was happening a lot. It probably wasn’t.

One of the girls would do voice chat with me and my friend, but only if the one who hates me wasn’t around.

This game that I LOVED and was really helping me out during a stressful, lonely time became something that made made feel sick, left out, embarrassed, and ashamed (because I really was mean to her, a long time ago).

I told my friend that I couldn’t play it. He didn’t understand why I couldn’t just avoid them. It was an open world map, however, and it wasn’t *that* big.

After lots of arguing :( he said he’d copy a server for them to play on, because he has gotten his server for *us.* He did it, but after an hour of work he transferred “our” stuff instead, by mistake.  I said it was okay. (It was not okay).

Our schedules didn’t line up and I kept seeing him playing on the original server. The one he’s gotten for *us.*

I played by myself on the old one. We played once for a few minutes together but I was tired. 

I bit my tongue but lost my temper when l logged on and his status changed from that game to empty. People do that to hide what they’re doing. He said it was just a coincidence and he was hiding it from someone else.

We live on opposite ends of the (real) planet.

We keep having arguments about this game. I told him I don’t want to do this game or any others with him again because he shouldn’t have let his friend join and make it so uncomfortable that I had to go. She should have been the one to leave if she couldn’t make nice.

I LOVED that game, and that friend,  and I was, honestly, feeling happier than I had in ages.

He picked me over this other girl when we started dating, a long time ago, and I don’t think he was willing to tell her to be nice or play elsewhere

He apologized for adding her and said he thought it would be okay , but that was it- apart from me doing to my own server. They stayed on *our* server with the 80 hours I’d work I’d put into it.  

I have a horrible fear of being abandoned.  I also have a huge problem with abandoning ship at the slightest problem. My dad was very emotionally abusive to my mom (daily yelling and screaming) and I always told myself, as a young child (who sat next to my mom and refused to go hide downstairs), that I would never stay where I wasn’t treated kindly.

The thing is, he has a right to his time and his friends. I should have been able to ignore the hurt feelings and play. I should have been able to play by myself on the other server.

I don’t know why I get this horrible panicked feeling whenever I see they’re playing “without me.” It makes me feel like garbage. It was my choice to go. I felt unwelcome, left out, and kind of pushed aside.  

I don’t feel like that when he plays other games. I don’t think I’m a jealous monster. 

It brought back a lot of feelings from the break up.

I wish I didn’t have the emotional capacity of a small child.

I’m ruining this friendship over something that stinks, but shouldn’t be a deal killer.

He has his flaws but he’s a good friend who legitimately likes talking to me and hearing about my life and interests, as I like to do for him. 

The idea of not talking to him is CRUSHING. But the idea that he sided with his friends who hate me and let it be so awkward that I left is also pretty uncomfortable. Even though he made me a sever, but he playing the other one.

I don’t know if I can get past him leaving them on and letting me be the one to go.

I can’t tell you how badly I needed a little bit of social interaction, fun, and time to play. The kids just got old enough that I can play a little during the day and when they’re sleeping.

Anyway, I don’t know why I’m such a garbage person. I am hoping my therapist can help his week.

I’m so tired. This may not make any sense. 

Thanks, if you read it.

I hope I don’t sound absolutely insane. :/ 
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bpd,friedfeesh,2019/04/01,"Does it ever get better? I’m new to this diagnosis though I’ve been living with this for at least ten years. If not my whole life. Still trying to wrap my head around it. I just wanted to know from anyone if it ever gets better? I’ve been suicidal for years, struggling with jobs, no medication has helped. No therapy has helped. I finally opened up to my therapist and immediately she wanted to find me someone different to go see. I know it was because I’m over her head but after nine months of making a connection can’t help but feel like I’m being dumped. Struggling to find the will to keep making the effort to go to therapy. Struggling to find the will to live. Just someone tell me there’s hope. That things can improve. I’m sorry if this isn’t allowed or I’m breaking any rules. Just a little lost here. I’m sitting at a job that I feel trapped in everyday, I just wanted to know if it can improve. Because I can’t keep doing this. And it seems like everyone here understands how I feel, and I’ve never had that before. ",1.9321405677655683,4.194320918269233,3.5901648351648348,86.96435897435897,80.20192307692308,6.461904761904763,22.404761904761905,7.62386473244151,1.0491531135531136,813,26,163,13,21,270,113,208,0.126,0.758,0.11599999999999999,0.1279,4,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,13,10,1,3,6,0,15,4,2,4,3,43,43,12,1,8,12,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,14,7,0,2,11,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,5,4,14,5,26,35,2,23,0,1,1,0,6,8,0,7,13,105,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112277965782178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312969632294618,0.0,0.0,0.09310464721470464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275105884689358,0.0,0.08899587536758496,0.0,0.0,0.18499749105535493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927120582516567,0.0,0.0,0.09152483124458584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920994680502634,0.0,0.09993740715161137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864706315682284,0.07471700859287221,0.0,0.11456999983594053,0.28677200367256106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928483270128808,0.0,0.11887846013703318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467297096008933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103074827227692,0.0,0.0,0.10387853814806043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075730158660224,0.18592354899741406,0.0,0.0,0.17243492057397775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387292560623575,0.10219189834026156,0.10482369894701396,0.18470456050868528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416911852617308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962533447254166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105360448596485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348038457001533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066397965687228,0.10101082349836127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833423369991878,0.0952121212543098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723253417837584,0.0,0.0,0.11707663851499266,0.0,0.0,0.08352335230880104,0.0,0.0,0.3280112752092875,0.0,0.11440125627230473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914136905519508,0.0,0.2392088104135672,0.12143362475598167,0.06948298797743599,0.0,0.1027562444734816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100774089206104,0.0,0.0,0.10887880630878984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506445349863412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676770501742142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347012608711227
bpd,valcat79,2019/04/01,Fighting a losing battle I’m so tired of the constant struggle to keep my head above water. Tried to go to work but couldn’t stop crying. Afraid I’m going to lose my job. I feel so lost right now. I had been doing better and now I’m losing it again. I just want to be able to function. Thanks for listening. I’m scared this is never going to get better. ,-0.6881090909090908,1.4975799466666686,1.543757575757578,96.13854545454548,96.2,3.260606060606061,13.484848484848484,4.851557810540192,-1.1847333333333334,276,5,59,1,11,92,54,75,0.325,0.5379999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9416,1,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,7,6,12,2,3,2,0,6,3,1,0,1,9,20,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,9,0,0,3,2,5,3,9,15,0,10,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,33,7,2,0.17447843858112586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086240001701796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854920750530926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165637190506815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822154103711474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115778282665553,0.0,0.2974803525085464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906521501498446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731429278270357,0.15508445301090315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5855902287484114,0.19046382658729025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456852808831274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900363321428967,0.0,0.0,0.17468335502941598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458717872811311,0.0,0.1824027473354964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063630432798456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053729833381945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845940673107942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029119036556134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702238131523375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,evilspells,2019/04/01,Do you experience this? I develop feelings for girls WAY too quickly and become too clingy and obsessive. It’s probably scared a few girls I’ve been with in the past. The funny thing is that I can become uninterested in them as quickly as it started. ,3.093125000000001,5.73906372916667,4.8706666666666685,77.24100000000003,78.375,8.006666666666666,28.35,8.841846274778883,2.72512,201,9,36,5,5,68,37,48,0.10099999999999999,0.8390000000000001,0.061,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,6,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6740045058797761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984846716045493,0.0,0.0,0.15428753882067012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912898764275069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32899164771037825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30549755313260124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597908355521594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272091379998108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24220527960377905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mama_Pills,2019/04/01,"I know I just posted but another thought came up: Before I get into a relationship with someone I feel LOTS of feelings for them, very intensely. 

But as soon as I’m dating them, maybe after a few weeks, all the feelings seem to disappear. Not totally. Sometimes I still feel them very strongly. But I’ll go through periods of time when I feel nothing and think, “I should get out of this, I don’t want a relationship with anyone ever, I’m happy being alone for the rest of my life.” To the point where I start to wonder if I’m actually asexual or something. 

Is this just my body trying to protect me from being hurt? ",4.033351548269581,5.343149803278688,5.462240437158472,80.04496357012752,71.45901639344262,8.373041894353369,29.12932604735884,8.841846274778883,2.3461610200364302,484,19,93,9,9,163,81,122,0.078,0.8140000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.5483,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,7,3,0,0,6,0,5,2,1,0,3,30,24,9,0,3,8,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,10,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,5,15,2,20,19,5,19,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,5,10,67,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.15697372164792675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659986388222708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867312021401915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247530815093257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368778896869326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867642617086102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397813366134036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550482322623387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066719406984412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808281522213336,0.0,0.09141902748627802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123580601505092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220128685051406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840307837868136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136184134401386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675529907860226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616029852545486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434711512797056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520623366842492,0.0,0.1540570253968738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454015238911879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643863185880954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362940426284025,0.12383596672100458,0.15909218631275146,0.0,0.11385577050620943,0.0,0.12846101188832112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307099454982163,0.0,0.12770289161595938,0.09379730519065096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921168744728056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26544857722620746,0.09487792457171534,0.0,0.12903018834577382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444310327529755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LegoHurtsLikeSatan,2019/04/01,"I'm so upset right now at myself and my university So I've already been bouncing badly at the moment between all my emotions- my wife has been in Japan for the last week and won't be back till next week and she is my anchor.

I fell out with my family when they wouldn't understand that I couldn't work quite yet.

I'm isolating myself and falling back into depression.

I've been waiting for my last marks for my degree- my entire degree relies on getting a D just so I can get my piece of paper and go on to my masters.

I haven't heard anything since January. I rang them today for more info and they said I'd failed again but they couldn't find any information as to why. I've been trying to chase this up but I don't understand how I could have failed- it was impossible for me to.

I'm on track to do my Masters and PhD- I'm not fucking stupid but this is really fucking me over and my best friend is coming over just to make sure I'm not going to do anything stupid.

I'm a straight A student but everything is falling apart around me yet again. ",2.53629292929293,4.068399154545457,4.08757575757576,87.52580808080809,75.63636363636364,7.070707070707071,24.494949494949488,7.793537801064563,1.1849191919191917,834,27,177,12,18,278,122,220,0.07400000000000001,0.82,0.106,0.9049,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,7,15,12,4,1,5,0,22,2,0,2,2,35,41,19,0,4,8,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,4,13,0,1,5,0,0,6,8,9,0,0,7,3,29,3,29,28,4,37,0,3,0,2,10,15,2,0,16,121,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739225432262108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071777329486152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593932193993292,0.14030307959645702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237913289276275,0.13159473179347586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539815683007222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576392827458642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583585813606452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574613147996556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772859477125458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164643860404766,0.0,0.14857725458652687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404936259347906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176628686226748,0.2914090901478426,0.164685641800624,0.0,0.1791426588669377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569404463026912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520347266344074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761615748936512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676337696351032,0.0,0.0,0.1009666733453324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459497480968058,0.1499197448836927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037361402574305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854213408952854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493924058647456,0.0,0.0,0.1070043764772461,0.0,0.0,0.3281475691042998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25284463912978306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221523057076302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147393110126522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Slow_Airport,2019/04/01,"I regret sending this text I scheduled a message when I was drunk last night and it said this. ""I know I said I wouldn't apologise any more but I am so sorry about all this. I am so sorry for everything that I do and for how annoying and awful I've been. I just feel really bad that people constantly have to put up with me even if I'm feeling good I still go on about really stupid and annoying stuff."" I don't want them to read it and feel like they have to reply. I feel awful.",0.8223300970873808,2.6767831262135933,3.091077669902916,91.24651941747575,81.81553398058253,6.838446601941747,19.03786407766989,7.908726449838941,0.5969658252427186,374,9,85,7,10,128,65,103,0.311,0.612,0.076,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,9,7,3,0,1,2,9,1,0,1,1,19,19,11,0,4,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,6,1,0,5,2,0,3,2,5,0,0,4,6,16,2,10,14,2,11,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,7,60,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248742494528762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267042296968695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053620551727065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867982652709636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509580942823558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940367342953123,0.13918275010776962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072332339083744,0.1634096509780978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707051808812457,0.15880807122155285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518147017390154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282971157190914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350668633741758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585255775286692,0.0,0.0,0.19487734602222367,0.0,0.24961928543923234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706456630803654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361804314377864,0.0,0.0,0.1555871961617592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302758276758408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491261079737858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,atuantombraider,2019/04/01,"Looking for film recommendations I watch Spike Jonze's ""Her"" and i gotta say its probably the one film i watched so far that so beautifully encapsulates the pain of a lover leaving you. I think I was in tears for most of the movie, and it really felt nice to see my feelings validated on film. I was going through a break up with my FP and i watched that movie and i cried and cried and i felt loads better. 

Those of you who feel the same, do you know any  other similar films? ",1.5802061855670075,3.8197266597938175,3.034237113402064,90.58537628865984,81.37113402061857,6.766597938144328,22.07113402061856,7.908726449838941,0.9160152577319588,374,12,84,7,10,122,65,97,0.102,0.737,0.161,0.7917,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,2,4,0,0,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,13,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,10,15,3,11,8,2,6,0,0,5,1,7,4,0,1,0,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599530819123792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080270131646039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167414404504008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23786178221537801,0.0,0.4516832299699612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336771155697174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292670557769779,0.0,0.0,0.24905687914576746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751989756972574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938659165148242,0.0,0.250283491321982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535996758277425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068363668197046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705102430941356,0.0,0.0,0.1874345142433438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071515885891842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marissaitm,2019/04/01,"I think I give up? I know people say BPD makes interpersonal relationships harder, but it just feels impossible. My moods are far too much to handle and I see how I could bring someone down by being with them. Im so young but so burnt out, I don’t think I’m capable of love anymore and I feel so broken because of it. I think I’ll do a lot of things in my life, and I think they will be very fulfilling, but I don’t think I’ll ever find “true love” or get married or anything like that. I’m torn between celibacy and random hookups because that seems to be the only thing I’m good for. I wish I had a normal brain with normal experiences and I wish I was worthy of love",2.4051088348271428,3.6047019436619716,4.236094750320103,87.68438540332909,75.33802816901408,6.853777208706785,23.47247119078105,7.348242739294969,0.7767802816901401,524,15,117,6,11,178,89,142,0.051,0.677,0.272,0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,11,5,1,2,2,35,33,14,0,5,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,10,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,18,6,15,26,2,8,0,0,1,3,8,5,0,5,3,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989007566339273,0.0,0.0,0.1160774231835768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719733810981125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765563579352087,0.15746562615121834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126220815667649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275936166563202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798025524230267,0.0,0.0,0.14264473865771726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892302165652525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369616283655027,0.13531418095081107,0.0,0.11831144118888233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236514991035655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752092503731124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963232811217633,0.06891304671019864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199211326433171,0.38192680612145535,0.0,0.09415626241128834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369270628261026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27641070475956553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727977133541328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097790767968793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144181702952386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217373480416812,0.0,0.0,0.11240371215022964,0.1284124762518538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951665547629192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874232487632233,0.4519163239876886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638632745495064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32441586653031834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chaplain-kaplan,2019/04/01,"identity guilt and paranoia so it should be nothing new here to say around different groups of people i have a different personality and maybe even sense of self. to think about this i actually feel it is a strength of mine. i love being able to get along with different types of people. there is value and great experiences in all sorts. it's not an act, i really do empathize with people enough so that i feel myself become like them in their presence. this also makes me a split and contradictory, maybe untrustworthy person. in a way, this *is* my self. my self is someone open and non-judgemental and constantly interested in the perspectives of different people.

​

but this is where the guilt and paranoia comes in, because on a bad day i *do* feel sociopathic like it's all made up and i'm only a manipulator. then i worry that i'm not even a good one, that people have always seen through my act, perhaps even taken offense to it as a crude imitation of their lives. i worry how i may appear to someone who knows my different selves. some of my oldest friends have seen me in my different social circles acting very differently. i wonder how conscious they are of my chameleonlike nature, how much they read this in me and what they think of me for it. is this something people resent someone for? i don't think i have ever met someone who i felt i saw this in. perhaps people are not so easy to read. perhaps even i am not so easily read by myself. maybe it is delusion to think i know myself and my psychological states this well. sometimes i think paying any mind to my mental states only makes it worse.

​

i'm not sure what this thread means or whether i have a question",4.469380341880342,6.378730330246918,5.258271604938276,79.5587606837607,71.31481481481481,7.824121557454891,27.276353276353284,8.502166056373571,2.010791452991453,1353,48,247,23,26,439,160,324,0.146,0.7859999999999999,0.068,-0.9799,7,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,6,1,19,16,3,2,12,0,22,1,0,7,4,56,50,23,0,1,8,0,4,2,1,2,0,1,0,5,24,16,0,0,15,3,1,5,6,6,1,1,7,8,41,10,37,39,5,27,0,0,3,1,20,13,0,7,8,178,65,5,0.07065841666391907,0.0,0.06895242206484399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650551027795327,0.05879346299212365,0.1531167298691633,0.17171542039153384,0.048050146311815575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290097128514764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899682651033665,0.0430727149706125,0.07803666985543882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086596943217951,0.0,0.07635664655130088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556883332326238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167610457549389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300903259918297,0.0,0.1866768712444796,0.06391458314321176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691174897844617,0.0,0.0,0.10718105553945173,0.0,0.06784316071677514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459051743876297,0.0,0.0369161063882975,0.0,0.0,0.05926492753182305,0.0,0.0779011538180945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766403584250918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904026657501054,0.0,0.0623926764364438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377197972795795,0.06685870229644171,0.09433008358952663,0.0,0.21295763002681345,0.07696772997165299,0.0,0.0,0.07120706496026866,0.0,0.07134485838016477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194206630960205,0.0,0.0,0.06824233911447614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779865645706601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787997178566784,0.10747781972621707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428995457328189,0.12339240801750485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915359760190968,0.0,0.2120326135048612,0.0,0.045265591027069715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619040895233104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113641582562726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202735756463491,0.2394745885764395,0.054396301205791406,0.0698829808116518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665947214977306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263753016821081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058300593695758685,0.0,0.05608536226924203,0.0,0.0,0.06353040231556867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662603878576227,0.0,0.14351410392675004,0.07200696309794874,0.0,0.0,0.17171542039153384,0.0
bpd,moorishbeast,2019/04/01,"Going into a residential program again! Just a reminder that it's okay to seek any amount of help, wherever you are in your recovery. I'm going into this time with a much more hopeful and nuanced outlook. It's 3 weeks and I am going try the most out of it.",0.9379874213836494,3.2596907547169844,3.4399056603773595,86.1333176100629,84.84905660377359,5.79748427672956,23.927672955974842,7.1686216300943375,1.1870276729559746,202,8,40,3,6,70,42,53,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.8169,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,8,7,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609746223491923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6543106453862528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572308344566975,0.0,0.0,0.3811670802772799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28211279631112746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223777540198978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605525044483683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078346238278289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,A_Fuck_Up,2019/04/01,"Still holding anger In short parents psychologically controlled me. My sister was daddies girl never got the full treatment I got. 

My sister has never sat down and had a convo with me. Never even says hi barely on thanksgiving and Christmas. All I get is backlash from my only sibling. But I emailed reaching out about my childhood. NOPE I just need to get over it.....yes but I don’t feel like she deserves to be like that when she’s, for lack of a better word, bitch. She just assumes I’m crazy and over thinking it. Sorry you didn’t go through it.

I’m okay with letting go of shit family but I’m so angry. I finally understand what happened. But it’s too far gone. My reputation with family is shit. You know I’m just a entitled asshole man baby. I don’t deserve this. Being treated like a dick. God I deserve a fucking trial for what happened to me. 

Sorry just a rant...hey I’m mad



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bpd,spookyytoast,2019/04/01,"Does anyone leave people before other's leave them? I have a major fear of abandonment, so I leave people(friendships&relationships) before they get the chance to leave me. I just realized this recently and it kind of makes sense. It's left me feeling empty and alone, however. I haven't made a new friend in 5 years and it's frustrating and disheartening. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.",4.605173745173744,7.303526621621625,5.276100386100385,76.06445945945947,73.32432432432431,8.552895752895754,22.73359073359073,9.23628265651192,2.043083397683397,326,9,57,8,7,105,52,74,0.32899999999999996,0.593,0.077,-0.9385,1,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,2,7,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,11,10,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,9,3,5,8,1,6,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,31,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33022403287159113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273252338661738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147082893876907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713109584250605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951034012585808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793928807194675,0.16121603605641624,0.11389035238013492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316822385425982,0.0,0.08329086201760191,0.0,0.09060259484683199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660123780983442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.675215033445027,0.17321131927552091,0.0,0.0,0.07788501929852162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084794937675627,0.106414716299208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396973860558766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052240778870563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740894693323232,0.1711584294270081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266185943185732
bpd,realbambinopasta,2019/04/01,I get nightmares every night and don't know what to do. I've been getting nightmares every single night since the last 1-2 years. I wake up disoriented and tired no matter how long I sleep. Does anyone else experience this? How do I go about it? ,2.1177551020408174,4.459495877551023,3.4034285714285737,88.11657142857145,80.0204081632653,5.552653061224492,20.00408163265305,6.742157984588678,0.2741722448979593,194,5,39,2,5,63,38,49,0.16899999999999998,0.807,0.023,-0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,2,0,6,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005070380237408,0.24918656726502744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282546969433824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316192626872884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098120362642713,0.0,0.0,0.23789571959309244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412334045133433,0.0,0.1382158468426589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336560525481571,0.1982400037962787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152238522278386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564524011569116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011770907329289,0.0,0.24337507670846986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795219813243109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661246638470105
bpd,muse89,2019/04/01,"Can't take this any longer There's no middle ground with me when it comes to friendships. It's either all or nothing. I will go out of my way to accommodate you, reply to your every text in a timely manner and make my responses meaningful. I will be there whenever you need someone just to be there. 

It just sucks that I will never have anyone in my life that cares about me as much as I care about you. Although I've never been formally diagnosed, I feel every single symptom of this curse. I've been struggling to come to terms and accept my faith that I will never experience true happiness,  as every action that the person I'm currently stuck does  causes me to question their intentions and makes me spiral down a well of jealousy, anger, depression and anxiety. Especially when they socialize with other people. Am I not good enough? Maybe I'm too annoying? 

Maybe I should cut them off......? 

It's whats always best for me and probably the other person. 

And the cycle repeats itself....",4.528475177304962,6.421290074468089,5.428851063829789,78.4636666666667,71.12765957446808,8.41758865248227,25.831205673758863,9.029198982220553,2.191796737588653,786,25,138,16,15,257,120,188,0.183,0.7070000000000001,0.11,-0.9221,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,4,3,1,11,15,4,1,5,0,12,3,0,4,5,31,26,13,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,14,11,0,0,4,0,0,4,6,6,1,0,3,1,24,9,23,16,7,21,1,1,0,0,11,7,1,2,9,106,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167633869741222,0.0,0.0,0.095427238717361,0.0,0.10734984594098557,0.0,0.0,0.09811996974685774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726463194367045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861456576119631,0.14415458460895336,0.0,0.2417587391753657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120863523955181,0.1424290506915695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228011891796576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499540411706552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546948971779594,0.0,0.0,0.13726682858371858,0.0,0.0,0.07095359714806193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975112367955207,0.11769971209756105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938080528065031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911717934101916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873388552557406,0.0,0.2819548625356976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315656333351343,0.10405076515000024,0.32468672679733324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464763525296172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728514098100527,0.2450564187543579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129634586919716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719846521753414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304580468698727,0.11889869482669127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670035119538202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585358519397873,0.10550851383523677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182585937255908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138511876915036,0.0,0.0,0.12617091378319018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Katyafan,2019/04/01,"""Neurotypical"" word definition--question! I have seen a significant up-tick in the number of people on mental health related boards, including this one, that us the word ""neurotypical'"" to refer to people who do not have mental illnesses. 

The word was actually coined to describe those who are not on the autism spectrum. 

Mental Illness, and BPD, still mean we are neurotypical unless we have a brain structure abnormality.

Thoughts on the changing connotation of this term?",8.136923076923079,10.719444743589744,8.087692307692308,60.23230769230773,63.10256410256411,10.841025641025643,36.07692307692308,10.864195022040775,4.7986,382,18,53,11,6,123,54,78,0.035,0.888,0.077,0.3226,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,7,4,1,0,0,12,10,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,4,0,10,7,1,6,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,2,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.21066830267968886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718940303452058,0.2409941206979015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283730264550704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294709590556853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23515723666658475,0.0,0.0,0.6526705399793596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628626647737264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29932882134390104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240250820915273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138506459292935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596777542890414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShooShoo0112,2019/04/01,"How to get over losing fp This is my first time posting here and I'm really struggling with how to let go of my fp. I found out some things about him that I don't want to get into, but I've determined he's not good for my well being and I need to cut him out of my life completely. I'm really struggling with it mentally. It's been a couple weeks and I'm still thinking about him constantly, does anybody have any coping strategies for how I can let this person go? ",1.577878787878788,3.3658591111111162,3.360606060606063,90.56090909090912,79.10101010101009,6.824242424242425,21.1010101010101,7.793537801064563,0.7715737373737377,368,10,81,6,9,123,64,99,0.149,0.7929999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.7967,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,1,2,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,18,19,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,1,1,2,0,11,2,16,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726277817509274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621451935049566,0.20223370204104155,0.0,0.0,0.20706873938879314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376896898898918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918264043850247,0.0,0.2051912224360888,0.0,0.0,0.1955476359174696,0.0,0.21271388962863827,0.15696558501822305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827301494500748,0.13218372214643326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936370122463804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859482453458692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387632045338024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340492022769146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792300246341262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397755391819025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494516090126701,0.0,0.0,0.3912822901159682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432863462954663,0.11991284944414675,0.0,0.0,0.10912383435047272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038102750858632,0.0,0.15011378920359364,0.0,0.16826286947793315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nishikivandy,2019/04/01,"Giving Up Not sure if I can keep doing this anymore. Life started shitting on me my senior year of high school (4 years ago) and I’ve been contemplating suicide ever since. I haven’t had the courage to do it until this year, but I’m at my end. 

Everyone expects my life to be glorious and perfect, and why shouldn’t it be? I’m a D1 athlete focusing on premedicine. But the stress has been killing me for years now, and trying to live up to everyone’s expectations and prove to them and myself that I’m worth it and not a complete waste is exhausting. Not to mention that I constantly have to stay on the good side of my narcissistic father who’s emotionally abusive and manipulates me to fit his perfect mold.

I’ve managed to balance that for the most part, but this year was the one to bring it all together and drag me down. I thought that my best guy friend that I had been talking to for the past two years actually liked me. He made me really really happy for the first time in what felt like forever. But he initiated things between us just to end up using me, cheat on me with one of my teammates, and then drop me like I was worthless. And being the ever-forgiving person, I tried to stay friends with him, but now he’s pursuing that same teammate and I don’t know if I can handle watching that all play out because that shit hurts. On top of that, my grandpa, who was one of my biggest supporters in my life was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer this past summer and then passed away recently.  Life just keeps throwing punches my way and I keep getting beaten down.

I just feel so worthless all the time and I feel like I don’t really have anything to live for. I have horrible self-esteem and I just recently learned that I have BPD, and after doing intense research on it, apparently makes me a manipulative, dramatic monster.

I don’t know if I can keep this effort up. I just want to end all this pain. It doesn’t really matter if I fulfill my goals if I’m dead. Life is constant pain and I think I’m going to end it soon.",4.970756000756001,5.496226896805897,5.910085995085996,80.57140757890758,68.72972972972973,9.111661311661313,31.13296163296163,9.162432508145574,2.541635116235116,1605,63,322,29,26,531,195,407,0.168,0.66,0.172,-0.4966,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,1,8,10,27,5,1,12,0,31,13,2,5,9,73,57,32,3,9,18,2,3,4,2,1,11,0,0,2,27,22,0,4,9,1,1,4,9,12,0,5,12,4,47,15,49,41,8,62,0,3,1,0,18,22,2,6,35,222,74,7,0.0,0.09644531446272067,0.07943434912459005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215590811419971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072661335986893,0.0,0.0,0.06698500388046204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647768223331837,0.0,0.0,0.04962049158334133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542394595155181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252005193287796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534601953557742,0.17592828035641772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261896537969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915636879250436,0.2883838357686644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726134802852942,0.0,0.15556177192721807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231625160564884,0.05815195021107255,0.07815646140789677,0.0,0.0,0.0692385292666412,0.0,0.0,0.12577838722024104,0.0,0.042527975020382164,0.07808599370557052,0.04626131603264701,0.06827419260166365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059848438019515,0.0,0.08665147678754664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600323485072077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714004481633614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894071154073197,0.09005668951029462,0.0,0.08947027461539989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874750189215886,0.15907109495346666,0.0,0.14375482381776936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770223487615583,0.054334920865837286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547559669426384,0.0,0.1732300048584142,0.0,0.0,0.08814792497147822,0.15541041707882028,0.0,0.07107506396634453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858688662705804,0.0,0.16074473480047444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238082550054583,0.0,0.0,0.08491762258104198,0.0,0.16711121089162204,0.06733465941513228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761511499691765,0.17352246423883705,0.0,0.0,0.0932430625154087,0.0,0.0,0.08903804212881537,0.0923713962920769,0.07671823844463156,0.0,0.0,0.06542598229312277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054078332811705605,0.05215763046029167,0.0,0.06462225632640327,0.09492962018408382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105300838649954,0.0,0.07951566301706188,0.0,0.09791379686315743,0.07030319137064296,0.0,0.0,0.04801164236616478,0.06461127997917794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345055351641933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145123645766573
bpd,CansOfCorn,2019/04/01,"Poem I wrote about my experience with BPD Kindergarten

In kindergarten I learnt how to share
Don’t hog the playstation 
Treat each toy with care
This dreaded cycle only fills me with temptation

Friends are not objects or a game
I can’t control the path they weave 
My selfishness paints me in shame
But you just can’t leave 

I think with my lonely heart 
If you could see the loathing in my eyes
My manipulation is truly an art 
Filled with false fear and “desperate” cries 

I want you all to myself
Give me your life
Forced love fuels my wealth
But cuts like a knife 
",2.0806553079947565,4.88938346788991,2.061107470511139,94.15268348623852,85.88073394495413,4.949148099606815,19.712319790301443,6.5431188927421005,0.1312668414154654,454,13,91,5,14,135,81,109,0.239,0.574,0.18600000000000005,-0.7351,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,4,1,1,3,13,1,3,6,0,6,4,2,3,1,21,13,6,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,3,1,2,4,6,0,0,1,2,20,7,11,11,2,5,0,1,2,1,11,3,0,2,1,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197238013249195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588239654525978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847220301863567,0.20268402896883744,0.0,0.2788498168185143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483206992944749,0.0,0.2856595196379101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961291636532837,0.0,0.0,0.2435226111095269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008215758146895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26879773786540034,0.0,0.0,0.17930659242299365,0.12402162845356805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291157079173855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306956485462304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229103327446554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626612117772142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973134051095707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,karmachameleonnnnn,2019/04/01,Lamictal Is anyone on here on lamictal? I’ve been put on it recently. How soon did you notice the effects? Does it help with BPD symptoms at all?,0.7101724137931029,3.2320888965517263,3.106465517241382,85.70383620689658,91.06896551724138,7.037931034482759,24.49137931034483,8.07648339933343,2.094441379310345,114,5,22,3,4,39,25,29,0.0,0.893,0.107,0.5007,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527673123201356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552931854034919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163487169710691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423040152931136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115670637815574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634046254340016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569349652303334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757341020064733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ansel528,2019/04/01,"I deserve it My best friend and FP has seemingly gone out of his way to purposefully do things that hurt me and I don't know why or what i did. Im starting to just believe that i deserve to be hurt. Maybe There's just something bad about me that i cant see from the inside looking out. I have been doing so well with therapy and recovery and I don't know what I did to make him act so mean towards me. It must be my fault. Obviously.


advice, comfort, etc. _greatly_ appreciated",0.12344988344988295,2.46737562626263,2.517373737373738,90.57811188811192,90.71717171717172,5.470396270396272,22.766899766899773,7.010146845296331,0.8607165501165501,373,15,81,6,13,127,67,99,0.12300000000000001,0.727,0.15,0.4481,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,1,0,13,0,0,1,2,17,22,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,4,2,15,5,11,15,2,7,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970179594444795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706351135086108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302478537967648,0.21446704499620092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279194935579863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578908509261096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253116482777821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375510333647057,0.0,0.22074781360972887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462583761520616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716139977451672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641432491081096,0.0,0.2053107572138273,0.22261192876047411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628513719402309,0.18604499381574904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732912394995585,0.0,0.0,0.1446496450481607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337076470295021,0.0,0.13577012987699508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221435495868436,0.0,0.0,0.18374746662797933,0.0,0.1844064095907713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IamaPainter,2019/04/01,"Any other asexual BPDs out there? When I was diagnosed with BPD, I saw a couple different doctors to confirm my diagnoses- and a fair few of them were pretty skeptical about me having BPD  because I have little to no sex drive, like at all. Their reasoning was that I lacked the impulsive behavior (sexually) and the promiscuity that's associated with having BPD - and that kinda fucked with my idea of my own sexuality. I don't know if it's the antidepressants, the self hate, or the birth control or if it's just ME- but I have no desire to have sex or be physically intimate with another person. I've been looking into asexuality and it's given me some answers for the most part but does anyone else feel the same? Or at least have a similar experience? ",5.525833333333335,6.807232138888893,7.234333333333333,68.844,67.8888888888889,11.037777777777775,31.761111111111113,11.00357731598739,3.9077494444444447,604,25,107,19,10,210,96,144,0.091,0.845,0.064,-0.4189,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,4,4,3,0,10,0,12,6,0,2,1,32,19,13,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,3,14,1,15,12,9,8,0,0,2,3,4,5,1,9,3,84,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801446112382852,0.16655421919875832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106237380590836,0.16274705756679864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682543038473376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6001481143003463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814896149740198,0.0,0.17574988241965336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32243198830041103,0.0,0.16595063452723469,0.0,0.1625761808089132,0.13899914168000413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326877530869175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537285495142256,0.0,0.0,0.0803126514374435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684204905694026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681844194604766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793073975452185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729254356263542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759963041060987,0.15919618734309335,0.0,0.0,0.13338289604769762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200476054433067,0.0,0.0,0.1386901547842421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615941140652602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331067008366476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570140865791302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shadesteele,2019/04/01,"Getting diagnosed and treated!    I’m a 16 year old girl who’s been suffering with intense episodes of anger and sadness since I was 11. I’ve overdosed and cut a few times, but never with the intent to kill myself. I guess I always did it as a means of escaping my problems, and for attention from my loved ones.        A few years back, when I was probably 13, I overdosed on 10 mg of risperdone after cracking my phone. I went to the ER and talked to a psychologist who told me I was developing BPD, but that she wouldn’t diagnose me from only one visit. I didn’t think of the disorder much until 15. I noticed that I had pretty dysfunctional relationships with everyone I knew. I also noticed my fits of rage and crying spells worsened. I did some research and found that I suffer with many symptoms of BPD, however I won’t claim to have it since I’m not diagnosed. I tell people instead I have emotional problems. I’ve never had regular visits with psychologist due to insurance changes, but now I finally have the chance for treatment and diagnosis.
   Yesterday, I went to the ER after overdosing on 90-130 mg of Citalopram (Celexa). My intent was to take a long nap to escape the sadness I was feeling. However, I started feeling nauseous so I told my mom. I instantly regretted the situation as she took me to the ER. I wasn’t even sad or nauseous by the time I got there. I waiting 6 hours for a mental health professional to evaluate me. She told me I definitely have BPD and that I would be diagnosed by a psychologist and get therapy soon. I really would like a diagnosis. Every professional I’ve talked to tells me I have it but they never diagnose me with it! Diagnosis or not though, I’m getting treatment. I’m excited!!! ",4.294747054747051,6.0088271891891925,6.059654654654652,74.42978690228692,71.40240240240242,9.687641487641493,32.627512127512134,10.035473477838034,3.6196893970893966,1366,66,247,38,26,470,166,333,0.162,0.743,0.095,-0.9817,2,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,1,0,10,16,4,0,18,0,22,8,0,2,3,45,47,23,1,6,8,1,2,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,10,16,0,1,7,1,0,5,9,12,3,2,21,2,48,4,38,21,4,29,0,6,0,1,20,3,0,4,22,173,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260692111089087,0.07554683265944713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698140125042032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34305083178823226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960466798822814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997315612279293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607635979600617,0.0,0.0,0.10405634557490126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102129611759105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996774826473975,0.0,0.0764967990299956,0.08675635359123536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181507438660452,0.0,0.0,0.09945900839347888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954955275332006,0.0,0.0,0.14230637743495445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261524798801812,0.0,0.10001843880952713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650843660837324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941255976941896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044871438037672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435674648391336,0.0,0.0,0.08034871752628325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194399233661595,0.0,0.0,0.09204958754051608,0.0,0.09889991030337764,0.0,0.0,0.09149772690621176,0.0,0.0,0.10633535937580664,0.0,0.0,0.06674311040333013,0.0,0.21007487408307224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673627176706527,0.09527170730002726,0.0,0.12304702026874922,0.06905196979591509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294425381452479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923688568226132,0.0978899295367241,0.17375278007206435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581641539130146,0.0,0.0,0.09747742417035883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020938496117808,0.10205484345477392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426356844547756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943684204353542,0.06826484093531936,0.14595152995638855,0.15871371264562456,0.0,0.10382941047737401,0.0,0.0,0.058176321529831175,0.0892034057450034,0.0,0.1058839532738836,0.0,0.0,0.26026906077370604,0.10087407447054138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833155857363902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289931145799791,0.0,0.0,0.11693509518004268
bpd,Slim_The_Banana,2019/04/01,"Anybody got any friends? A few years ago I isolated myself from near enough everyone. I realised that for many years I humiliated and embarrassed myself to make people happy. Slowly as I got older I alienated all my friends and now everyone I used to know hates me. I don't blame them I probably deserve it. But now after a few years of being alone and realising how toxic I become around people, I feel I cant get better unless I get friends to be around. So I ask, how do I find friends? I cant approach people to talk, the idea of messaging someone on facebook makes me feel sick and this is the only place I feel comfortable talking openly. How can I make friends and even more importantly how can I keep them and not alienate them with in moments of meeting them? Any help would be much appreciated. Also I should maybe add im joining a BPD support group in a few months hopefully. Is this a good place to find friends?",3.67753222836096,5.55898375138122,4.892795580110501,81.4757311233886,73.36464088397791,7.699594843462247,29.19373848987109,8.447377352677275,2.2424914180478823,733,31,139,13,15,242,108,181,0.092,0.674,0.23399999999999999,0.9812,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,1,11,14,1,1,7,0,13,1,0,8,1,34,30,15,0,3,3,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,4,11,0,1,7,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,3,28,12,20,23,7,20,0,0,0,0,17,9,0,1,10,96,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097341498482172,0.0,0.0,0.1137318645861517,0.0,0.08781642380992047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493515231307783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551149349012634,0.1026591709468296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127846008345587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711957686910794,0.0,0.0,0.13830406602079146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113464901336953,0.0,0.07252963100446215,0.0,0.0,0.2098596827576665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665723741162195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007319162056583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090417545287488,0.0,0.11474422328229868,0.0,0.0,0.09210489326789442,0.17565298995777873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689665914596167,0.0,0.10841637738111598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360450716718464,0.0,0.0,0.10906785398189424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239641093116864,0.11861554325786418,0.0,0.0,0.09760573673525527,0.0,0.0,0.06034967079127208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990060503236852,0.1113318877499384,0.11032067138230664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876506981803807,0.0,0.08072427779466869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351679084761983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283889408118585,0.0,0.2294598313345095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839564889125676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304314684837092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461308251751935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765250641985149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484210198375367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800712277288635,0.0,0.0,0.2121455169728382
bpd,VirtualCheetah,2019/04/01,"I just want to talk about having a fwb situation with an NPD I've been going through a mind fuck for the past two years and whenever I talk to him my BPD just spirals out of control. In the beginning, he was so sweet to me and he would always compliment me, tell me I'm beautiful, and send me nice messages and memes throughout the day. He always said he would be there for me, but now he's a completely different person. He completely switched on me. He says he'll come see me, but never does. And he always bails on me, gaslights me, and fucks with my head. I posted in another sub about this, but I'd rather post here because I almost self harmed last night and was about to admit myself to the hospital because he was being mean to me and refusing to talk to me. I cried all day at work, it was terrible. I told him I was going to the hospital. He said he didn't care and that he only goes to the hospital for ""family."" I've been crying all day feeling like I'm ugly, disgusting, and repulsive because he never wants to make time for me and always make the old ""busy at work"" excuse and I'm tired of hearing it. He's seen other women and taken them out, but he never makes time for me. I'm tired of running back to him and going through the same thing over and over again. It's the narcissistic cycle of value, devalue, and discard. And he still hoovers. I'm really depressed. I've been in tears all day and I don' t even want to go to work tomorrow. I just want to sleep in and not talk to anyone. I'm so sad, my heart is breaking right now. I'll never been good enough for him or for anyone.  ",2.877401812688824,4.04503525377644,4.439461027190333,86.81573534743204,74.1057401812689,7.833764350453173,24.41824773413897,8.364918446050245,1.3685769425981866,1243,37,268,21,25,417,159,331,0.17600000000000002,0.75,0.07400000000000001,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,4,17,13,3,0,13,0,16,7,3,4,7,58,49,26,0,7,10,0,1,1,0,3,2,4,0,3,7,24,0,2,3,0,0,7,6,7,0,1,15,8,31,6,46,29,5,45,0,2,2,2,40,13,2,2,23,162,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893032364485913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29682742213246505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935154649924166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471673884438632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857571863323822,0.0,0.163094189791382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232204192146393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909273447187066,0.0,0.0,0.07682269372603376,0.18701198455072024,0.0,0.10002558357566883,0.0,0.0,0.19592523724970812,0.2300609393724602,0.0,0.07681262332132584,0.0,0.0,0.09317656933734786,0.0,0.0,0.07804407135576959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214920263203318,0.0,0.058904097967783585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407317811746244,0.0,0.04509327341016646,0.06371188529732158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489528231778822,0.0,0.0,0.2027375281535404,0.07480192000467405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152681537861533,0.0,0.10051498472147166,0.10568150856933048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269551442346184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356998913625812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785897239874918,0.0,0.0,0.09714571872528603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004874571781529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751316904308933,0.0,0.0,0.08369158968041983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358186930054416,0.0,0.0,0.06782719230627872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513463977558391,0.0,0.07787058398707515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170824069028395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057132494039632976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616123559679623,0.16966566585184684,0.07092138049481715,0.0,0.0,0.07106678272194003,0.0,0.09303663608816404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024469270395256,0.08924675171693988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122113615311093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867255639196318,0.07794930065771324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059248787438150874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400588545240297,0.205003973324354,0.0,0.08521755275361227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711819265037997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104082315565525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477742859134206,0.0,0.0,0.12670515866036408,0.0,0.0,0.05743050641112168
bpd,billnye514,2019/04/01,"Pretty sure i have bpd, also pretty sure its ruining my life So i've known for a while that I have some type of mental illness.  My sister was recently diagnosed with bpd, and so I started looking into the symptoms.  I'm positive I have this, I identify so strongly with all the symptoms.  It explains so much about my life. 

I'm going to the nearest behavioral health center in the morning. 

Do you guys have any tips for me?  All my relationships are terrible and I'm completely miserable right now...",4.091184210526318,6.1554371052631565,5.561250000000001,76.34187500000002,72.68421052631578,8.960526315789474,31.875,9.516144504307137,3.4007105263157897,395,19,68,10,8,133,64,95,0.109,0.7240000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.7226,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,5,0,7,7,0,0,4,12,14,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,11,3,9,13,4,10,0,2,1,0,5,5,0,1,4,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217275105563515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089832400720775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478221429494104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864017655085068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044568563436453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103799837598428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603281169446214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897468344285284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511463398441807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929268188365594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916313418283875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069073133619058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617378146713667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553895615784815,0.1908720731863978,0.0,0.15182544383621407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583550133728494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351161582133456,0.3695685684172789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bunniiiiii,2019/04/01,"Gaining an infatuation in a relationship.. About a week ago I started noticing I found someone attractive. Which is normal. And then I found myself going on their twitter a lot and kind of getting excited when they liked my posts... I even posted a selfie to see if they’d like it and honestly I’ve never been so disgusted? with myself? Is this my bpd or is this me being a shit person. It’s making me split on my boyfriend, not because I want to break up for this other boy. But because my brain is being so .... immature? I wish I could stop these intrusive thoughts and almost obsessive thoughts. I just want them to go away. I am NOT a cheater, so no if this boy messaged me and was trying to do something sexual or whatever... I’d say no. I’ve never cheated on my boyfriend. This is the first time something like this has happened. What do I do? Do I just let it pass because I’d never cheat on my boyfriend, I don’t want to tell my boyfriend honestly. I don’t want him to feel not enough or something. I just have these awful intrusive thoughts and I get infatuations easily. Has anyone else been through this? Is it maybe because we’ve been stressed lately and going through a rough patch? So my shit BPD brain is trying to turn on him? Which I do not want. I love my boyfriend and want to stay with him. But I feel like I’m cheating on him even though I’m not..?",1.6528240624213453,3.9862388759124094,3.0386232066448526,90.10558394160586,81.77372262773724,5.969091366725397,24.77674301535364,7.237678284180719,1.1146787314372015,1068,42,221,15,29,347,131,274,0.145,0.718,0.13699999999999998,0.3715,0,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,4,2,12,18,6,2,9,1,27,5,4,1,3,48,54,22,0,11,15,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,17,10,0,1,7,0,0,4,12,8,0,1,9,5,40,10,24,40,2,29,0,0,1,1,16,9,2,7,16,156,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806134973750887,0.0,0.09947740941898196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069462757369187,0.10178838237392547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333577940150653,0.0,0.0,0.2422336619505631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502374201730015,0.22179871681528868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931709855389908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298811634124123,0.0,0.0,0.10264761191646704,0.0,0.1312298927345194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004613539095532,0.07097047711395517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450088842912845,0.0,0.21784838530061934,0.0,0.0,0.10380496842949204,0.0,0.16937631457790453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784846161158726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345018198852156,0.0,0.0,0.11206294379857487,0.0,0.0,0.10158468777768152,0.0,0.19413538949098247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445764955006962,0.0896607062607961,0.0,0.06631205391738051,0.0,0.09980314025732183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985774845533866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733479796220096,0.0,0.1131023739984185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674225339455419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902857783114773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665693050071498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900133841289933,0.0,0.0,0.07916330608006511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394780097694776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417278573940813,0.22943669640922526,0.0,0.0,0.0703153064594568,0.10588614854979214,0.0,0.08305498337023859,0.11379677913235114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682993812788044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760374289686037,0.2366011293010027,0.057927553695595276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348944061011143,0.10805637993248583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515695504673722,0.0,0.07968675804235771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423925441645955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ojishota,2019/04/01,"Falling deeper into a hole I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm totally over reacting but I feel like my life is falling apart.

So in early March I got into a fight with my FWB I've been seeing for two years now, I've always been super into him and wanted to date forever but the fight just seemed to get worse and worse as days went on. But then I fully apologized and told him I was willing to change and he picked me up and told me that he's been wanting to date me for so long and he wants to eventually settle down and marry me and things were so so great. 

But because I'm clingy and annoying I push boundaries sometimes and we had another fight even though things were going good and he told me I needed to slow down and stop pressuring him into being together and I was like wtf? Because he was the one that wanted it then he responded with ""no you wanted it ok bye"" and ended the conversation. Things went not awful after that and he told me good night at least but I feel lately I get no response anymore which I'm hoping is just because hes so busy with his job but also I feel like I'm being ignored.

And the main issue I'm having is I don't know what to do anymore because I don't know what he wants and Everytime I try to bring it up it just ends in ghosting. I send a message and get so obsessed over if he's gonna answer or not that I will literally stalk his activity status the entire day and it's so unhealthy but I really don't know what else I can do because he refused to talk and I feel like I'm losing him.

TLDR: Boyfriend(?) Is suddenly distant after things have been so good and won't tell me why and I'm so obsessed that it's driving me insane ",1.8886515220354383,3.578003735211269,3.867114947751024,87.73386642435257,77.84507042253522,6.496138119036803,22.719218537028624,7.359569317364363,0.8485829168559746,1326,40,280,17,31,451,162,355,0.166,0.693,0.141,-0.7219,1,0,0,0,3,0,16.0,1,1,0,2,17,20,4,3,8,2,30,1,0,2,1,68,68,45,1,9,14,0,4,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,20,30,0,3,10,0,0,9,9,9,0,2,17,5,38,11,32,45,3,44,0,1,1,0,35,15,0,4,25,185,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416252739876925,0.07716542667385028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724385577182937,0.0,0.0,0.2759134638324169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28266105273929176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810448397132307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961664741164095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747068063448077,0.0,0.16427664460851896,0.0,0.0,0.06125255975162351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756443230575776,0.19875608976461248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535529745739842,0.0,0.0527051299720822,0.2333526477459202,0.07417103267958335,0.1022439479974808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210973708933276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679435481509126,0.09202813333302673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386546932278105,0.0,0.10461247842138112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550357635868656,0.18122836644784,0.0,0.0,0.082070192122568,0.0,0.10375007578249956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876403551328827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702830998977377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628416538836628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882064663262926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390016153735304,0.08442517205962331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172023141916344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753310203258952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453927376118527,0.08105708025178851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644396692070303,0.0,0.09111459240261086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544604482209456,0.0,0.06296299949420614,0.0,0.0905915290255252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32819557264165283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193806917840065,0.08368160055957566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890158445569292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972021721539982
bpd,dutifullypurple,2019/04/01,"Kinda an SOS So unfortunately I’ve been off my meds for like 3-4 days (circumstances beyond my control) and I am cratering really really hard, does anyone have any specific skills to help
Manage because a lot of my DBT isn’t working.",3.767666666666667,6.003263044444449,6.104166666666668,71.33625000000005,74.1111111111111,9.833333333333336,26.805555555555557,10.125756701596842,3.2782222222222224,187,7,32,6,4,66,41,45,0.102,0.785,0.113,0.13699999999999998,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,18,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202406573125613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828905986841555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902497773471575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366185752592053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055872711406887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28571317440143484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924704760064217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188390395335174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595062852117088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775697099383253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362656248929388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183150865905676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768825510095176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brokenangel88,2019/04/01,"Can't have a night out without ruining my life! Ok so every so often I go of the rails. I drink way to much, mix my drinks and do a load of shots. I don't go out much but when I do go out I ruin it. I absolutely humiliate myself. I fall out with my boyfriend and go back to my mum's. I'm such a peice of of shit! And now I'm over my alcohol binge the depression has kicked in and I feel suicidal. Wish I'd just fucking die!

Does anyone else get like this? Get drunk, mess up, then want to die? Tell me your stories ",-1.5417101449275386,0.3826081043478311,1.5599999999999987,97.53333333333336,94.04347826086956,5.153623188405797,16.36231884057971,6.742157984588678,-0.29922028985507243,392,10,100,6,15,138,76,115,0.325,0.596,0.08,-0.9921,0,0,3,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,0,8,8,2,0,5,1,6,7,1,0,0,16,18,9,3,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,3,0,5,3,6,0,0,0,1,16,2,16,18,2,18,0,3,0,1,3,7,2,1,6,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972829280414533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413487891349917,0.18190306574833973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651156384973712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290851546268114,0.0,0.3685014928464213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155359921008727,0.0,0.0,0.347828601213822,0.0,0.0,0.1483056556267532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495788207912422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976578583519118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412597132984807,0.18550684819676647,0.0,0.4035833319850258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253964823622362,0.08673343090602025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610136862368628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660226120921856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822345997898597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941917826678952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517126390885766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471329104935057,0.14091706578025118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041536580355536,0.1711350320672758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,midnaas,2019/02/26,"Negativity Hi, 
I have a pretty dark sense of humour that I use to cope with everything, but apparently I’m a really negative person and I’ve never really noticed it does anyone seem to have that problem. I don’t want to be the negative person no one wants to be around. Does anyone have any tips ",3.3100000000000023,5.211203389830512,6.012000000000004,72.97664406779663,74.42372881355931,9.465762711864409,23.664406779661018,9.888512548439397,2.54931593220339,236,7,43,7,5,85,42,59,0.28600000000000003,0.632,0.08199999999999999,-0.9507,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,10,11,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,7,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584698506410152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204892369341213,0.0,0.0,0.20401450328119675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011054988737551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596787965361987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176754031454858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609174679428293,0.0,0.0,0.1552950369667382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002138650012568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331535538774226,0.0,0.21928970198084302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293630984718927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086324818916153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979337785309004,0.0,0.0,0.27034692456301623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,accidentalexistence,2019/02/26,First time inpatient This is my first time being admitted into a psychiatrict ward and I'm really scared of what is going to happen. I have no idea how long I'm going to be here if they're going to change my meds or anything else. I feel trapped in a little room with nothing to do or anyone to talk to and I'm just so scared. ,1.7630476190476188,3.3345942571428613,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,77.85714285714286,6.9523809523809526,20.238095238095237,7.793537801064563,0.6770952380952378,258,6,56,4,6,88,49,70,0.17,0.81,0.02,-0.8906,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,12,15,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,1,4,0,10,13,0,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,5,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509242623586511,0.0,0.17762253777302633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283360249648172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031130231077874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913802092368743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671963146246797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680100863666057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908715514646761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436634098714165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633399612954987,0.0,0.1910165639609684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397558029761539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710967483294346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827621856598535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321982008498325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348851739914825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517226105863467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hey_assbutt05,2019/02/26,"I've made a terrible mistake and hurt someone. I met a girl who I thought was gorgeous. We dated and after 6 months I started to see things that really got on my nerves. She seemed like a young teen in an almost 30 year old body and she had very little experience. She couldn't sleep with me without extreme pain. I broke up with her for these reasons and didnt speak to her for awhile. Months later we hung out and when she was at my house I made a stupid mistake while horny. I kissed her and we ended up hooking up. Naturally she assumed we were back together. Things were more or less the same. Then I started school and broke up with her using the excuse that my courses are just too difficult and I can't focus on her. She stayed my friend. Around christmas she came over with gifts. They were incredible thoughtful and I was so touched and felt so loved I stupidly took her back. I was with her from christmas until a few days ago. I broke up with her again. She is so heartbroken and I feel awful. I wanted to do it sooner but was afraid of breaking her heart for the 3rd time. I also cheated on her multiple times because she just wasn't satisfying my sexual needs and other girls didn't get on my nerves like she did. I didn't emotional cheat I physically did. It was all just in the name of meaningless sex. I didn't show self control, not in the slightest. I broke up with her before she found out and it's a secret I am gonna have to carry to the grave. She just messaged me. ""You do realize you broke my heart 3 times now."" 

I am sitting here at work fighting back tears. She is such a good person, so innocent, kind, commited and deeply in love with me. I feel like I am a bad person. It's so hard. At times she makes me heart smile and other times the sound of her voice makes me cringe and more inclined to completely tune her out. My friends all agree she has these annoying qualities so I know it isnt just me. They also agree she is a wonderful person. 

I wish things had been different...",1.7695692658897002,3.9921199975369497,2.8911630421722947,91.97170911930796,80.55172413793103,6.1284632944851625,21.72509912291241,7.3138001815848295,0.6564020905923345,1573,48,336,22,41,503,205,406,0.12300000000000001,0.701,0.175,0.9781,1,0,0,0,2,0,41.0,4,2,2,2,23,31,6,1,17,1,33,10,5,7,3,73,61,30,1,6,9,0,5,3,2,1,1,3,0,6,15,33,0,1,13,1,0,2,10,20,0,0,29,9,76,11,46,30,7,55,0,7,1,4,55,23,0,5,30,237,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739519815650673,0.0,0.09872489956356888,0.0,0.0,0.15768678066260494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776711876165327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274317663211454,0.08231957906373401,0.06010031344468635,0.0,0.08389389570073462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951265756392843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276212974865735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337105420911533,0.0,0.1105784749243659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358320268191332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300687651788554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090189090940084,0.08732258775070455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644116474641123,0.0,0.0,0.09970140087753694,0.07043361167100136,0.09466306516638964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810022136938256,0.15234271679487846,0.0,0.051509861094379904,0.0,0.0,0.08269366635860652,0.07885243243381197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831839843103531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35049333263211785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376107018487926,0.10554397669055016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026676195761576,0.054183174902009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450012023715594,0.09881433751961348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796491227699154,0.18657885704500685,0.13162085545018518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738919690934286,0.0,0.0,0.07310416571401403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034549364063164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490804562595757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582582408703414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316008198791251,0.10136822962614504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997796127452516,0.07856446491240435,0.08975377495825093,0.10285218004191596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866245558414634,0.0,0.08353604970862052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956679428096996,0.10508515895023543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649894522451952,0.0,0.0,0.15654088610535186,0.2874467657513017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953851101388733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515118860603782,0.0,0.08134810999299717,0.05815167611457955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337507665664925,0.09503845077263598,0.1069180095146326,0.07177560724427616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348953523746925
bpd,sydneyday7,2019/02/26,"It’s not hopeless I just wanted to share some inspiration - since I think it gets really easy to just use this page to vent and complain, and we forget we can also share some positives (not that venting/complaining is always bad- it is helpful *sometimes*). 

I’m working hard to change the way my brain operates, and part of that is focusing more on my progress and my daily ‘wins’, rather than focusing on how fucked up I can be. I found myself getting sucked into a victim mindset, which is just simply not helpful at all. Of course it is so important to recognize our bpd symptoms and how the disorder affects our experience in our daily lives, compared with a neurotypical person- HOWEVER, we should strive to use these observations for our benefit by learning from our mistakes and constantly working to improve. Use the observations to really get to know yourself and how you operate- but get rid of the guilt and shame we so easily associate with our “bad” behavior. Forgive yourself. Learn and grow. 
It’s not easy. Not at all. I know I’ve gotten “better” in the past, and then fallen right back into the negative spiral after being triggered. But the important part is to keep getting back up and keep believing you will heal. IT IS 100% POSSIBLE. I believe that. I know at times it truly feels impossible. To ‘think positive’ or to ever get better- but try to just keep that small bit of hope in the back of your mind always, and I promise we will heal. Together. We need hope. 

Scientists are continuing to discover more and more about bpd and how it manifests itself inside our brains. Our amygdala’s are overactive and small, our hippocampus is constantly alerting us of danger, etc. BUT HERE’S THE GOOD PART!!! Scientists also know that our brains are *extremely* moldable and changeable. It’s called neuroplasticity- our brains ability to rewire itself in new ways, based on our habits. I find this so incredibly inspiring. Sure, it is HARD to change habits- especially all the ones that operate in our subconscious. But knowing what exactly is happening in our brains and knowing that we have the power to PHYSICALLY CHANGE THESE STRUCTURES is so so so important and amazing. Hopefully this is as helpful to some of you as it is to me. All we have to do is create healthy habits and start to become extremely aware of our negative thought patterns so that we can work to change them. It’s super simple, although not easy! But definitely possible. It just takes some awareness and a *lot* of self-forgiveness and letting go of shame. 

I’m working on meditating every morning and writing gratitudes every night. Mindfulness meditation helps calm the amygdala (and can *possibly* even grow it)- while focusing on positives, with daily gratitude, will literally change the wiring in our brains so that we (eventually) will be automatically noticing the good in life. There’s more to it- and if you feel so inclined, do some research on the benefits of meditation and gratitudes- OR find your own routines that work for you :) 

There is just so much hope and I am tired of turning myself into the victim. I am NOT a victim of bpd- I have the power to control and change it. WE ARE IN CONTROL. 

It’s OK that we have negative thoughts, it’s OK that we struggle with our emotions, it’s OK that we feel bad about ourselves and are triggered by the smallest things. Give yourselves a break. There are reasons we are like this. Our brains are physically different than the average person- we were shaped and molded by our past experiences. Our lives have led us here and it’s NOT OUR FAULT. So once you can forgive yourself for your negative patterns, you can begin to change them! Forgive, and then grow. Forgive, and grow. Always and forever. 
Love you all, and would love to hear stories about your growth 💞",4.754951875588635,7.344071321273518,5.303248570050312,76.57660717157104,72.40086830680174,8.78672271610043,31.37346380906439,9.403633714415225,3.3249412675441623,3037,141,509,76,63,973,289,691,0.098,0.688,0.214,0.9985,4,0,0,0,0,1,99.0,39,12,2,14,37,47,6,4,24,3,49,15,7,14,8,149,96,66,0,11,24,0,5,1,0,6,5,1,0,2,44,57,0,5,25,0,0,8,12,17,0,1,5,6,71,30,81,81,23,56,0,1,0,3,72,27,2,13,19,384,115,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581794628844881,0.13393917401198793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377529063895512,0.1344024626204047,0.0,0.059259236039466465,0.0,0.1209046912132633,0.0,0.09490938334439934,0.05857885020737615,0.0,0.2027349280631752,0.4192877149345512,0.054789144536487096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973292134170643,0.0,0.0,0.11596693066343833,0.12036034449865912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605947790428273,0.0614948391895086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060356185073714264,0.0,0.0,0.059841026823284287,0.03543952092227417,0.048535251130833776,0.09041559798918013,0.0,0.0,0.10497243537378764,0.0,0.0,0.0813908061548178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808188523254664,0.0,0.0,0.05883143122248486,0.0,0.0496044418750094,0.16819940672824926,0.05147207145715299,0.030494146921056287,0.09000882113437354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744814353497531,0.0,0.09613112197468844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047461937176151,0.0,0.14385891314211366,0.0,0.0,0.21317149637234933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307671918047896,0.0,0.0,0.17692879925403712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486726526802746,0.03789907514495222,0.026213788086903427,0.0,0.09475910099522504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561672003086932,0.09685392281356417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835525941290093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944359970152929,0.03978551239580793,0.0,0.051821648578308815,0.0,0.05035286076564337,0.0,0.0,0.061088123538814224,0.0,0.05714227416049138,0.03635893939177538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431383315832796,0.10244213735985704,0.0,0.09370133099904247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146845773168568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874727863472835,0.055167676382619296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045822239801976784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597528737283815,0.0,0.0,0.04438509694871822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306751380768402,0.0,0.0379782490482909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609327939625665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057048599750705,0.05576950456195713,0.04034290645535993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035646902583622235,0.06876166018225092,0.0,0.08519431558742649,0.03128745605735296,0.06167009471693598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03642914756464384,0.05836271382389411,0.0,0.0,0.12908399341845272,0.13902560695609695,0.0,0.0,0.03164791237676485,0.08517984499412518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531235216506745,0.0,0.0,0.038115939944958994,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emeowificent,2019/02/26,"Anyone else have ""unusual"" coping mechanisms? I (24/f) was diagnosed with BPD five years ago. I have always suffered with insomnia (averaging around 3-5 hours a night, crashing once every two weeks or so) and as I'm sure many of you can relate, being tired + this diagnosis does not make a very good combination. 
I have found myself over time pushing myself to take on more to keep myself busy between work and school. 
For example, I am currently in clinicals for respiratory therapy. I usually attend class 32 hours and work at a hospital as a scribe 20-30 hours a week. 
Tomorrow will be my first day in ICU rotations so instead of school lasting from 8am-3pm, it'll now be 6:30am-3pm. I also normally work 4pm-2am, often after school, but also on weekends so there are some weeks I don't have a day off. 

Today I had class 8-3, am currently at work for my 4-2am shift, and like I mentioned earlier, will be at clinics from 6:30-3p tomorrow. 
Kind of worried about my physical health depleting if I continue to do this, but it's the only thing that I feel keeps my mind leveled at times. I also wonder sometimes if it's my own form of self-punishment in a way. 

TL;DR: I push myself to attend school and work for 50+ hours a week, leaving very little opportunity to sleep in between. I can't help but wonder if this is a sort of coping mechanism to keep my mind busy or a form of self punishment

Anyone out there relate? Or do something considered ""unusual""?",6.038160200250317,6.351980354609928,7.156716729244891,73.29794117647063,66.3758865248227,10.748769294952023,33.25490196078432,10.59048541779884,3.6034110972048397,1148,47,211,29,17,389,166,282,0.063,0.904,0.033,-0.7789,2,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,7,15,7,1,0,11,0,22,7,1,1,1,34,32,22,0,4,10,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,1,8,9,0,3,4,1,0,4,3,2,0,3,3,1,25,5,40,22,5,48,0,1,0,0,4,16,0,11,28,139,33,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989297595923636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162258300623052,0.07499366153362838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603909481516687,0.09234671976036912,0.0,0.08023296997026322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351297847225393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625012335758747,0.0,0.0,0.09147795637759984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887156287533291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529032434224704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593667203391481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557139174366758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666277507585077,0.0,0.09882062824076578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559503539929201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580177984130114,0.0,0.0,0.060410854705265575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35503144251883423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403295480365397,0.0,0.09385437456072976,0.0,0.0734662958633676,0.0,0.09543246922895762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403195627727728,0.09033186786469437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016109615876456,0.09137557948248838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200704259395306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845789611298618,0.08830623987448359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959833088250225,0.0,0.06854635553615919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648571258115417,0.0,0.0,0.18804618378983692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019302385409794,0.0,0.0,0.06938488725957374,0.08913883182305743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494451168144504,0.0,0.06776499021246703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030691478711867,0.0,0.05987699491500049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510864683711096,0.10358880239625998,0.08543074355891893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804189594219372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926318671454264,0.1487299699089009,0.0,0.07153935932594982,0.2891807706115982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195479800811596,0.3280710488096544,0.09152929243703922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803943488184165
bpd,NiceCare,2019/02/26,"What is your Myers Briggs? I feel like most of us have an obsession with personality tests because of our lack of identity, but I was wondering what everyones result is? I've taken the test several times and I always get either an INFJ, INFP or ENFJ. Always one of the diplomats, the ''green'' ones. I was wondering if there's a common thread in most of us where a lot of us are INFJs or INFPs because that's the overall ''vibe'' I'm getting, haha. ",4.529242424242423,5.4340195000000024,6.4890909090909075,74.66196969696973,69.9090909090909,9.048484848484847,28.303030303030305,9.2995712137729,2.544084848484848,348,12,63,7,6,122,62,88,0.04,0.887,0.073,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,4,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,8,1,6,0,0,1,0,15,13,5,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,9,2,8,10,5,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,8,3,48,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041876254223685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285108276680984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466125488135315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242283386498412,0.1305834006881325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190997811161423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893007218795448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539936521303155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477230321459965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960296298170587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064978057532628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658484010145987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6596124389088969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964504146810661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pretty_unsteady,2019/02/26,"Every bit of space I give FP..... A month and a half ago we introduced someone into our group of friends. Ever since, he’s been claiming FP more and more. He’s friendly everyone except me, mostly ignoring me and at times hostile. 

Going on the offense in every conversation about feelings, pushing me until I react...

And then I’m the bad guy, FP wants space, I give her space, New Guy immediately takes all that space. 

Then a while later the contact between me and FP becomes a bit more normal again, something happens, New Guy starts pushing again, rinse and repeat. 

I just want to scream, drop out of any shared classes and move fucking halfway across the country, done dealing with this bullshit, the pain. Sigh. ",4.6948507980569065,6.894893183206108,4.817904233171408,81.73200555170023,71.36641221374046,6.290353920888273,30.99306037473977,6.980632752743323,1.9585664122137405,561,25,95,5,11,175,90,131,0.165,0.755,0.08,-0.9189,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,0,0,7,11,3,0,9,0,2,2,0,1,2,22,13,11,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,11,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,2,2,11,3,15,11,7,30,0,0,0,1,17,10,1,1,15,59,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347804457669776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239799865880854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257260887964016,0.0,0.16630123794711868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32878369544006675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523899553560747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540932652507629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362061492280524,0.2537364110687419,0.1438834439923367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613660882637567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326719130136567,0.13920665608979438,0.0,0.2888956988013228,0.08557677624692235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472867865741759,0.1331553616874811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201896825231458,0.16004026370500718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908577594653342,0.0,0.0,0.14753417407283606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022528795505986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455942840806793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758399548223154,0.11592206903530465,0.0,0.0,0.1065796701730754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321568981150786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878030670373239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776292560772378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,590486966,2019/02/26,"Everything is fucking me up right now and I wish I could just drop dead I have no idea who I am anymore. It seems like I'm a whole new person, not in a good- or in a bad way, just someone I never knew and now I have to life with this piece of shit and somehow not kill myself. I'm anhedonic, even more than before, I still laugh and have a good time and all that stuff but it is just automatic reactions to things that happen in my surrounding; on work, with friends and all that. My body makes it seem like I'm happy and have fun but I know that this is not what I feel in these moments. I know this is all fake. I would stop it immediately if I could. But the worst thing is that I'm not even pretending. I have no control over it whatsoever. I'm shattering inside; a cataclysmic war is going on in the deepest regions of my head and all I fucking see is how I laugh about some stupid shit someone said.

After work, when I'm alone at home, the void keeps growing and growing, consuming me with everything I have. It's worse than it has ever been before.

I'm sorry mom. I think I can't hold it any longer. I don't think I can live much longer with these emotions and at the same time, with this absolute absence of any kind of emotion.
And even though I've always tried and still do, I'm deeply sorry.",2.9632352941176485,3.9866335588235313,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,73.70588235294117,7.351764705882353,24.261764705882353,7.734863291789972,0.941493529411765,1016,29,230,13,20,332,142,272,0.187,0.6970000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9573,0,1,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,3,16,20,7,0,9,0,23,7,4,3,6,57,48,20,3,5,12,1,1,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,24,17,0,4,9,1,0,3,9,10,0,0,3,3,26,10,26,42,11,31,0,0,1,2,5,13,4,6,15,158,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206432213730727,0.0,0.0,0.0900324765233261,0.0,0.0,0.1471617234161039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073070049015436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034389415799864,0.0,0.0,0.1841433428084284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018768871809535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213573993980852,0.172780494990745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434246823950256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439859347141385,0.09787462608062876,0.0,0.0,0.19448940976124954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471002713285628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359635968985338,0.20006144348022145,0.0,0.0,0.061493515702653136,0.18150889316998714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568239987441747,0.11518271431648665,0.0,0.0,0.11104615331871263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853512041479947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214654116433715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961746364024767,0.11970914201018655,0.11267541284754135,0.1189296416275768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764260557468785,0.1057237635485348,0.0,0.0955440773618684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222547034995364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672451523888706,0.0,0.0,0.07954069428124662,0.0,0.08345181614819934,0.10450186945177944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447754488862953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240365471079694,0.10292458808474872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622274048717786,0.1970055152694859,0.0,0.0,0.22213496615187733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335788688642007,0.0,0.0,0.24224587366413106,0.0,0.0,0.17282002377281694,0.09046146038994568,0.0,0.0,0.12386505158115695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376879402147189,0.1386625519023137,0.10630761410926537,0.0,0.12618655477326335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346184707511395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588546761540883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080332625060156,0.12442660715858495,0.0,0.0,0.15754424251811358,0.0,0.11026676920698784,0.0768633783261621,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,123123987,2019/02/26,"Emotional permanence after remission? Ive been going through a lot of painful experiences lately and plan to go to therapy soon. But i am scared that ill fail or recovery wont be like i imagine it to be.

When i fall in love with someone the feelings are very intense and i hyperfocus on that person, which is normal for BPD. The thing that always hurts me the most though is that i lose my feelings once they leave or ignore me for longer than 2 days. That process is extremely painful for me and i get very depressed if i try to keep that bond up. Its almost impossible for me to not forget my feelings. And its indefinitely harder to try and recover that bond and my lost love afterwards. I get the urge, and could just move on and find someone new. But thats absolutely not what i want. I want a stable relationship in my life and not lose my love for someone. Thats why, along with developing a proper sense of self, this is the biggest problem i want to fix in therapy.

So ive been wondering if the people who are considered to be in remission have learned to have emotional permanence/object constancy. 
Have you learned to keep your feelings and bonds stable even if your SO is not around for a few days? Are you able to keep your personality and dont feel like something is missing from you or constantly changing?",5.472966452205881,6.419896558593752,6.1391911764705895,77.86904411764708,67.7890625,9.773529411764708,32.63694852941177,9.916854025145753,3.156546231617648,1053,45,202,24,17,344,136,256,0.171,0.7440000000000001,0.085,-0.9626,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,6,1,5,8,17,0,1,10,0,23,7,0,0,0,53,44,23,0,9,13,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,0,3,17,15,0,4,10,0,0,4,6,12,0,0,3,5,29,5,34,36,3,22,0,7,0,3,15,9,0,11,11,144,46,3,0.1028889682985333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302843947030288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561186388778164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915929955137145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958505377291862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088428858695105,0.0,0.0,0.1111864227550802,0.0,0.08214846903483095,0.0,0.0,0.13270974552115705,0.0,0.08861811763084462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058510456882993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314724817186391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679571931922106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064515384108584,0.0,0.0,0.2601187691966588,0.07350389951066014,0.0,0.0,0.094038653034036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751047870084424,0.0,0.11694834352252274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101447685638376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27435732745880304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160632377687584,0.10894456143391268,0.0,0.0,0.07267352109754066,0.10053270557626097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302128750944465,0.11231546301719893,0.08747252150308815,0.2785839328288444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935469036134332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937080672446608,0.0,0.0,0.1008093435361338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957339330527237,0.0,0.0,0.21896223296255984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133025568892876,0.17967735701153448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845084720301027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046424683114424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300980639247448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073356331855676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615324668560756,0.07920895449640147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23532500422374705,0.0,0.06835485871527627,0.0,0.10108788895748363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970971133089388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978834850149271,0.18205973779116907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928412905341438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157869717021753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pruuuuu,2019/02/26,"What do you do to manage your depressed days? Hi everybody! I hope you’re all in a good place today. I have a question regarding mood swings. Despite dealing with BPD for a lifetime, I’ve never found a coping mechanism for the days when I feel extremely depressed and self-loathing. 

I feel like I’m caught by surprise every time, when I should definitely be used to it by now now, lol. On days like this, I usually just smoke pot and hole myself up (which obviously isn’t constructive) but I can’t always afford to do that when I need to go out and get things done. 

I know there’s nothing you can do to magically snap out of it, but I was wondering if anybody has any tips or advice on things they’d be able to share on what they do to cope with that dark mood. Anything from self-care to more serious coping techniques would be much appreciated! ",3.8154670329670353,5.359109869047618,4.761904761904763,83.9395054945055,72.33333333333334,8.026373626373626,27.20879120879121,8.617729084823388,1.8930598901098907,670,24,135,12,13,218,113,168,0.039,0.833,0.129,0.9071,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,0,7,11,0,0,5,1,18,0,0,1,3,26,30,10,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,2,16,6,23,20,3,22,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,5,14,89,26,1,0.16410943023273622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603658358922602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655219248599162,0.0,0.0,0.11160004011041333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350480780518712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066900824551791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31751101819706395,0.16918961654905115,0.28269442357510394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794092470527386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826927295276792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595731772465566,0.1172398097488814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993751969382993,0.0,0.0,0.0857404039296591,0.0,0.0932671711045678,0.13764720396003896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299769328067476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019025102353646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160351156248408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206393138941164,0.12168506309453395,0.12657130962094645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746742436411965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714594256814962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384012006815592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424038533391451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805402664462487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569352850178717,0.0,0.1555565510486213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417378566173002,0.18074335219569254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796967664779706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657863070775752,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hellawanderlustt,2019/02/26,Do I have bpd First I wanna say I don’t want to self diagnose or seem like I’m attention seeking it’s just I don’t feel comfortable going to a therapist considering the fact I’m 16 and would have to tell my family members to take me and I don’t feel comfortable telling them about how I really feel. Most of them already think I’m weird have depression or extreme anxiety. I’m just gonna rant about how I’m feeling . I have trouble controlling my emotions I can get really angry for no reason really quick and really suicidal to the point where I’m like 2 seconds from jumping out a window I wouldn’t actually do it considering I’m scared of failing and people finding out I’m sad or something. I also have rarely extreme highs where I can be so happy energetic and bubbly I’ve been called bipolar before but I don’t think I am tbh. I also have extreme trust issues I wouldn’t tell anyone about this in real life but I’m pretty paranoid of everyone around me. I’m just better off alone I make everyone around me miserable if I’m being honest because my emotions are everywhere. I don’t cry in front of others so instead of being super sad and crying I just explode and yell at everyone around me even if it’s not their fault. I hate myself because of it and I wish I was normal. I feel like there’s so many things wrong with me. I can go from being extremely suicidal to ok maybe it’s not that bad in an hour or so. Because of all my issues is why I’m suicidal everyone around me would be happier if I was gone I’m too complicated. Also I’m terrible in large crowds I can really nervous and anxious and I just leave any situations like that . If anyone can help and find out what’s wrong with me I’d appreciate it thanks again no therapy suggestions I would never go because of trust issues.,2.1222085982440184,4.335663732970033,4.429975022706632,81.45930101422951,79.24523160762942,7.892491674235543,25.18082046624281,8.761943790366164,2.1505192854980333,1438,55,277,35,36,499,175,367,0.192,0.613,0.19399999999999998,0.4476,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,5,29,29,1,3,5,1,34,3,0,5,3,67,68,30,3,13,17,0,5,4,0,6,3,2,1,1,12,20,0,1,12,0,0,6,12,15,0,2,4,7,42,14,36,53,2,28,0,5,0,0,12,17,0,10,9,181,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0772224191555332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195795057228318,0.0873252629260724,0.1898479590105434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381317186343736,0.0,0.060536548964240385,0.08939779605035918,0.0,0.11066330465375432,0.0,0.0,0.2817806843857571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607277205350479,0.1929550347919297,0.0,0.06733637744944647,0.0,0.0,0.0699867315954354,0.0,0.0,0.09966527716857644,0.0,0.08080366804416532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875441846034161,0.0,0.0,0.1738478284472836,0.0,0.0,0.06815716009434901,0.08031835654296528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780280084446564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052266617930868335,0.0,0.0,0.3024599934091318,0.0,0.0,0.0745995750805416,0.0,0.20006018035200188,0.056532650212412966,0.0,0.0,0.14465230589973305,0.06731051223640039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134374044796386,0.0,0.13491936838645655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423857858315921,0.0,0.07812748107982251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304119986299698,0.08360838760014698,0.0,0.0,0.07793009133939725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477829619610887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379044955560355,0.0,0.0,0.05589399712481706,0.15464159907396505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282190991838216,0.08022846883352212,0.0794997616996171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610322687238603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753356480692168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054860877059173765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480628845341515,0.0,0.0,0.08050673717054163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007070901030334,0.2534732166716405,0.08136193121651038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292975913967339,0.07922596477197216,0.0,0.0,0.0720397356401288,0.08255300530453534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894883775353638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092047017977025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596760627801602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949818798475311,0.0,0.20749726025938067,0.0728550592908271,0.09049551274545853,0.09187954338164206,0.0525724668187052,0.10141049674232692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667470951804903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714052484014752,0.0,0.09099907557452018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686414955677613,0.17303908475852076,0.0,0.0
bpd,luolzedeng,2019/02/26,"I don't know what living a balanced life is like i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like
when i am sad
i don’t cry i pour
when i am happy
i don’t smile i glow
when i am angry
i don’t yell i burn
the good thing about 
feeling in extremes 
is when i love 
i give them wings 
but perhaps 
that isn't 
such a good thing 
cause they always 
tend to leave and 
you should see me 
when my heart is broken 
i don't grieve

-Rupi Kaur
",-0.4294897959183643,1.2795764591836765,1.3564897959183675,102.79208163265308,85.42857142857143,3.92,14.902040816326533,3.1291,-1.4776644897959184,335,5,87,0,10,109,56,98,0.128,0.654,0.218,0.745,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,2,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,14,4,1,1,0,8,22,7,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,5,19,6,3,21,0,6,0,2,2,1,5,1,0,0,7,53,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591690236529892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171847583676528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322329964296463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137988173420952,0.15103722459114655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281162929055932,0.0,0.3546551585743104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250586354062332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25053161855796113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323798584960384,0.0,0.0,0.2238613774619051,0.0,0.0,0.2986618941556097,0.20657653446910265,0.0,0.3733723380250616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908132054229892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684729556008776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809137533221073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elahphant,2019/02/26,"Do I mention BPD to my psychologist? I’ve been feeling lost for a long time now and have been so confused wondering why I am the way I am. Long story short, after years of so much chaos I found BPD recently and after going through all the posts on here, I found myself crying and crying because of how much I resonated with every word that everyone says. It’s as if I was reading someone narrating my life and my every thought.

Tomorrow I have my first real appointment with a psychologist. I’ve seen her once before but it was more of an introduction and more so talked about my need to learn how to regulate my emotions. Now that I’ve learned BPD, I want to bring it up but was wondering if I should? I don’t want to sound like I’m fake and “trying hard” to fit into something or have a diagnosis. I also don’t want her to think “Oh she’s researched so SHE thinks she knows better.” I ‘m also afraid of myself mentioning it just for to turn me down. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to bring this up/if I should bring this up?

Thanks!
",3.8183096366508655,4.834974274881522,5.051450236966827,83.90046129541865,71.65402843601895,8.280695102685625,26.38894154818325,8.648137234880735,1.7399324486571883,816,26,169,14,15,271,117,211,0.077,0.823,0.1,0.6856,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,14,7,0,2,6,0,16,1,0,3,1,39,38,21,0,8,6,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,8,9,0,0,11,1,0,4,2,4,0,1,10,5,28,3,28,26,5,25,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,6,12,116,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770177314477732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264670541135795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190973177634205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422103072344013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342484468677145,0.0,0.10249357963272418,0.0,0.0,0.10652771829604588,0.0,0.0,0.4551054604814794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26461605040032193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540609371830892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548937848695985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029676521489756,0.11509457664048613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090284272164576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245420985410716,0.0,0.26413313041894904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845417762534041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789901609667073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619584780498221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507698308547462,0.058845499452055576,0.0,0.0,0.21318788179746265,0.0,0.0,0.1314847636806585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708835647321544,0.08931171413020399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827469466270552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535724313553992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048200913073523,0.13709780264693075,0.0,0.0,0.11892926501058194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578620834618844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020563974470282,0.09272784337590774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681267627676564,0.0,0.11089363734598423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435824166895748,0.0,0.09562338023406147,0.07023502182040657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177724546896377,0.1310143743040433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313255500330236,0.09560713822265586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868686125453587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612445024951773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756547340367721
bpd,cityboem,2019/02/26,"Online tests Are there accurate personality tests online, if so can you link them here.
Ty",4.059374999999998,7.327606187500002,5.230000000000004,71.81500000000003,80.875,8.200000000000001,20.5,8.841846274778883,2.0501,73,2,12,2,2,24,14,16,0.0,0.852,0.14800000000000002,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_-_meloncall_-_,2019/02/26,"Ever get this during a breakdown? I'm curious if anyone else feels this way. Sometimes when I'm having a mental breakdown of sorts, my emotions will feel very raw, almost too raw. 

The best way for me to explain it is that it feels like I am without skin, just vulnerable flesh easily harmed by the elements. 

Anyone else have this or something similar",5.151818181818179,6.902557818181823,5.8276969696969685,76.79154545454547,69.30303030303031,8.31030303030303,29.86666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.6309793939393944,280,11,47,5,5,91,52,66,0.044000000000000004,0.773,0.184,0.8388,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,5,2,2,0,1,11,12,3,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,5,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801358709672266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905020831239448,0.4256919569184685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800191368020333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470668540197777,0.2336705354561512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790548319761072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315106616367092,0.14840377939740235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853139405015716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148736026174844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093449928080149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599222393320514,0.2054522556656532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140065209472655,0.0,0.3297759784774336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024623114052276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fellforignis,2019/02/26,Self destructive behaviour Do u ever be like yo im gonna do this thing and then you think about it and you realize it's self-destructive and you do it anyway bcs you feel like you've been okay for too long and you are starting to feel empty and you lowkey start to panic that you are alright and faking all of this? (I hope I explained it right and that you understand it) (btw. Sorry my english is bad),-0.5992857142857133,1.5274185952380959,1.3595238095238111,96.00214285714287,101.14285714285714,4.780952380952381,16.714285714285715,6.5431188927421005,-0.01644285714285676,318,9,69,5,14,104,54,84,0.14300000000000002,0.728,0.128,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,8,0,0,4,9,1,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,2,16,17,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,11,5,5,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,7,46,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936459851322707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097875962009102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345344353261362,0.16568580978645478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303518306825848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505165962226976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22661168787392466,0.0,0.0,0.20524452242839356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721116243168215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806094161716228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838924579971015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596187671957079,0.3283125312067828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407931000227748,0.14860686886663746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414399817603959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway123124353,2019/02/26,"Living with my single mom I don't even know where to begin. 

​

My mother got me when she was 19 and decided that she wanted to raise me by herself(which I get considering the circumstances) she suffered from trauma at an early age, which is the perfect recipe for bpd. I believe my mom tried her best to raise me, but sometimes especially as a single parent who has been diagnosed with bpd, it doesn't go that smooth at all. 

​

My mom was an alcoholic, our house was always a mess, I can't recall a month where there wasn't any financial trouble, I was ashamed to bring friends around the house, my mom always felt she was lonely, I would try to comfort her, she would push me away, and then come back crying. I always tried to help my mom the best way I could(being with her, helping out financially, supporting her when she wasn't happy with her new job)

​

When I got older, I isolated myself to point where I would go straight to my room, and only leave my room when dinner was ready. My mom didn't like this, I became numb to all the disappointments that my mom put me up with,  I told myself I didn't really care anymore, even though deep down I still did, I just tried hard enough not to show it. I also learned not to depend on my mom, I made sure I had enough money to fund the things I wanted to do, without discomforting her. 

​

I also had the feeling that I was the one that was responsible for my mom, I made sure she would go to bed when she had work in the morning, this didn't always go smoothly, sometimes I felt like I was the parent and she was the kid. 

​

Luckily I had my friends so fall back on, and get a glimpse of a reality that was very different than mine, I can say the same about my grandparents, without them I wouldn't even have made it this far. 

​

I'm 19 years old right now, I am planning to move out of my mom's home in about 3 weeks, finally getting my own place, my own life. I also contacted a psychologist who is willing to help get past my past, and live with it. As for my mom, I think it's best that I for now leave her on her own, and work on my own life.

​",5.941597542242705,5.4456789930875615,6.144527649769588,83.21774385560677,66.67281105990783,9.168817204301076,30.06490015360983,8.472884824447931,1.948994162826421,1689,52,357,21,24,540,194,434,0.1,0.752,0.14800000000000002,0.9777,6,2,1,0,2,0,76.0,1,0,1,7,27,23,0,2,20,0,38,6,0,4,5,47,65,21,0,7,6,14,6,2,2,6,5,1,4,1,19,17,2,0,7,1,2,10,13,9,0,1,30,7,79,14,51,29,14,59,0,3,0,0,44,25,0,1,25,256,98,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046407514142751606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104179513464297,0.1445304322657162,0.32935249558797525,0.3693580857246335,0.029530104468450738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043065370415366816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038656953116512696,0.0,0.0,0.04079868554877182,0.06678141922191375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892446724298676,0.13671379443404266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093831099246104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427410494136787,0.0,0.0,0.037406305159653874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034670877377269115,0.0,0.047699702116515086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407488682263557,0.0,0.045369291511596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973809760342999,0.0,0.08604428809518723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02195669878283345,0.0,0.08338853373870461,0.04756934529812955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709922057228136,0.0,0.0907498987529036,0.0,0.09871642710772703,0.0,0.0694609741489806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622611787588453,0.03889976377993736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731944905948681,0.0,0.04355824829915223,0.0,0.0,0.10021193400603204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04309205062601144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02386493349039858,0.0,0.0,0.09196041203869576,0.0,0.0,0.06134392443707935,0.04242997037427157,0.0,0.07668914226724705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326774931922392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5594398999324935,0.034660969232069176,0.046153301512409234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193958932288167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045566639109931764,0.0,0.029425520571819068,0.03302623912901654,0.0,0.0,0.09643539089627,0.0,0.08290707239346665,0.0,0.0,0.045369291511596,0.0,0.041050126510519085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365355046521458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02781880461260615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708422969688984,0.0,0.03453285315136033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589575193145092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034678809392721215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927753353617697,0.08185403099976787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028849264660709018,0.027824624151481032,0.042664286304421255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04149390796720112,0.0,0.11792936196810412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03582970614150047,0.051225712976010376,0.034468294773003845,0.034832461941371434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371921028331553,0.0,0.06322701082819382,0.0,0.0,0.12338988911412745,0.0,0.3693580857246335,0.02796391201731409
bpd,rikkosticko,2019/02/26,"Worthless bc he didn’t want to have sex I know no one owes me sex(or anything for that matter) and that if he wants to masturbate he can, but I always get this crippling sense of him not being attracted to me or not loving me anymore bc of it. Outwardly, I know that sex doesn’t equal love but that doesn’t change the way that bpd makes me react and feel. It’ correlates in my brain as: ‘oh you’d rather masturbate in a bathroom alone while I’m over here offering bjs like they’re coupons, so something is obviously wrong with me and you don’t love me anymore.’ Which I know isn’t true and is wrong but it completely demolishes me anyways. I’ve been working on these feelings very hard for the last two years but none of that matters when he “rejects” me. It’s results in me splitting and HATING him for it when he didn’t do anything wrong and I hate myself because of it. Any advice or related feelings so I don’t feel so alone in this? ",1.893802700468452,4.0981023979057625,3.0341912372554423,91.21377790024802,79.99476439790575,6.115293469275283,24.712317442821714,7.273561745256523,1.0494649214659684,742,28,156,10,19,238,110,191,0.21100000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.09,-0.9765,1,2,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,8,13,2,0,3,0,15,6,1,3,2,33,33,20,0,4,10,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,7,0,2,0,11,7,0,2,3,5,21,6,18,28,2,13,0,2,0,5,13,7,0,3,6,101,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500622399657985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861796732975108,0.0,0.0,0.11495837491455145,0.0,0.0,0.09395205611808824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701543461634336,0.0,0.0,0.2273842302425024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421972553041533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400493948450926,0.15422982010645778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615265586285953,0.0,0.14485584707131158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27942698251090264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218175937586634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376227092381804,0.27280449126484546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277837763432068,0.11261706403890208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674969328664472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740784832962751,0.0,0.09222141853132987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361931526592213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063606406177838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134960116294257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399467163068493,0.16297812509783186,0.10966324783130582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058053935867248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531616676427792,0.0,0.08896910723559698
bpd,earthonheaven,2019/02/26,"I relate to you guys like no other.. I posted this on the infj sub but would love like minded people to help I'm stuck. I always feel stuck. I feel so lonely and I can't help but obsess over other people's wonderful lives. I feel like my parents did me wrong and they're no help. I have no other family or friends but I do have my long distance boyfriend. 

I want to move away from my mom's apartment but I don't have the means to do so. I live in NYC and don't have a license or enough money to pay for a car. So I'm stuck in the GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! Can I get an apartment here? Not with my part time minimum wage job. Rooms usually start at $1,000. I'm getting my accounting degree from an online school (unsure of if I want to be an accountant but money?) and I want to act but I see the people of NYC living and loving and having an amazing time and all I can think about is how poor and lonely I am and probably always will be. 

My boyfriend wants me to move to his small town but I can't forego my screwed ideals of city life. I crave the bustle that I can't afford. I also want to be independent and not depend on him or anyone anymore. Also.. The market for accounting seems dry there and they have ZERO acting classes. 

I've been thinking about other major cities but the unknown scares me. My parents conditioned me to be afraid of everything. They told me that I don't need friends. That I need to be normal. That what they say is right and I should always be there for them because family comes before anyone and anything. They're currently pressuring me to finish my degree so I can support them. It's gotten unbearable and I've gone back to self harm and constant thoughts of dead = alive. 

What would you guys do if you were in my position? I feel very lonely and stressed every day, it's honestly killing me. I just want to be happy. ",1.5485670983742104,3.6671185549738254,3.095971341967489,90.77084596307526,80.72774869109948,5.801157343620832,20.523835767429038,6.950104931194217,0.4227371727748692,1456,40,304,17,38,478,184,382,0.141,0.659,0.201,0.9808,7,6,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,3,5,1,14,24,2,5,14,0,35,4,0,3,1,62,70,36,2,15,16,3,4,3,2,4,1,1,1,3,13,18,0,0,10,0,8,7,11,12,0,1,10,6,54,12,37,49,5,34,0,3,1,3,25,16,1,8,13,204,67,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506623972256885,0.2351442549236457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342045852059493,0.13173277330143995,0.0,0.07751805155779612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850340480628527,0.07243349754331971,0.0,0.05742305892442547,0.0,0.0801567219887572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811444124564926,0.0,0.10179604924320212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075079787341784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733312571122024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936702827784625,0.0,0.08466031576394524,0.0,0.17760555666065303,0.0,0.19052011842526415,0.06729604558496027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555639233513526,0.0,0.09843056114952964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654436383444148,0.0,0.10027697627909553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941954731201407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934783351274325,0.0,0.1042176412058051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665357977081255,0.1380631554709203,0.0,0.24953929683143755,0.08336347424807497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003721043097847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261072459576724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951145060048843,0.11032515845800712,0.0,0.2002380357090822,0.0,0.13969527194830092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229537783929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091944954437845,0.10200873325088863,0.0,0.19591793783945508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021695310613063,0.0,0.10156284843514984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044574349998658,0.0,0.07491111638675949,0.09430999814752056,0.09533478702070752,0.0750646983261253,0.08575556453396402,0.0982704824075212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667479579175041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790505499372678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689632373557822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071829970685904,0.0,0.0747837740911495,0.10985681518991733,0.0,0.0,0.09001153062703257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374729278896587,0.07772434195069114,0.33336735860669703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102155193684499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383305317784944,0.10299221858638724,0.0,0.0
bpd,SpencerBee,2019/02/26,"I'm Always Thinking About It?? Tw: Talk of self-harm and suicide
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I used to think it was normal, but after talking to my therapist and psychiatrist I'm not sure anymore.

I CONSTANTLY think about suicide and self-harm. Like, 24/7, it's somewhere in my head. Even if I'm having the best day it's there.

But, like, it's not that I'm *thinking* or *wanting* to self-harm; it's more like I watch myself do it. Like, a short scene plays out where I'm self-harming or ways I could commit. It's always way more intense than how I would commit or way more gory than how I self-harm.

I'll be doing something completely unrelated and be in the best mood and then suddenly a short scene or image pops into my head.

I wonder if it's a thing my brain just does when I'm bored, now? ",1.8290357142857159,3.5127539750000025,3.395892857142858,91.07125000000003,78.0,6.071428571428572,22.05357142857143,6.868970318607317,0.4622321428571432,596,17,131,6,14,197,84,160,0.084,0.706,0.21,0.9684,0,0,1,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,0,5,0,8,3,3,3,3,33,21,17,2,6,11,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,12,8,13,16,5,17,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,7,11,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116778136233867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139235687155118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110514170038705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823673156296544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044259899536748,0.12413736128654265,0.0,0.0917170813398368,0.0,0.0,0.07408385492486891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052650703484124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587281283348399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357865470162916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448540899142685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125515651058434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5991901684357329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843517362824625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513057612249424,0.0,0.10826684219017252,0.0,0.0,0.1846618129841124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337689856730098,0.0763167982364207,0.294425005607145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921375516311172,0.0,0.0,0.06775532145592825,0.2735435300013805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457532762801438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160278418432446,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnotherThrowAway8008,2019/02/26,"I feel like I might be getting gaslighted by people very close to me. I don't know what to do. I've already been questioning myself for a long time. My emotions, my thoughts, my actions, it's hard enough trying to figure out if they're justified or not. I have a very pervasive sense of frustration and anger that gets tipped off at sometimes the littlest things, but I don't have to tell y'all that. You know about the anger, depression, anxiety, self doubt, self loathing, etc. Point is, I don't want kids. But my girlfriend does. Tough situation to be in as it is.

Anyway. I don't want to give away too much, but last night I'm 90% certain I overheard my girlfriend and my friend's fiance talking about how I interact with our dog and how that's an indicator of how terrible a father I'd be. My friend and I laughed about something later on involving the dog, I think I had to grab her by the scruff of her neck to stop her from jumping into his lap (she's a big, hyper doggo) and his fiance said something like ""it's not funny, that's why he can't have kids.""

Now, full disclosure, me, my girlfriend, and my friend were all pretty high. But I've never heard voices while high. And I could tell there was tension at the table. But no one would give me a straight answer when I asked what's wrong or what's going on. Everyone is acting like nothing happened, or I was just ""too high."" And now I'm scared to say anything about what I heard, because they can just blame it on me being high. But I know what I heard. At least I think I do. I felt bone dry sober as I tried to piece together what was going on, and every time I brought up the tension, I was immediately shut down and told I was too high, nothing was wrong.

But why would my friend's fiance say something like that? Especially since the only person who knows my psych issues is my girlfriend? Why would anyone try to stir the pot and bring up tough relationship topics like children when I'm not even sober, if not to use it against me later and deny deny deny? Did my girlfriend bring up my mental issues with my friend's fiance, then she aired my dirty laundry while I was high to make a point? Did my girlfriend get this dog to see how I'd be with children? Does my girlfriend push push push for marriage while ignoring that we're absolutely at odds on the topic of having children? Is there some long term plan of ""accidentally"" getting knocked up and trapping me as a parent I'm not aware of? We have been together for years, but it seems like the push for marriage is getting worse now that other people are getting engaged. But I've never seen someone so fucking adamant and persistent in showing their SO rings and wedding shit daily. Is the fiance trying to break us up maliciously, or is she trying to do me a favor, or does she just like drama? She seems to always be in the midst of drama with her sister, or her friends, so it's possible. Why is my friend acting like nothing is wrong and I'm ""too high,"" when the mood in the room was unmistakeable? How come I remember my ""too high"" thoughts as being ""too high,"" but all of this seems very, very real?

I've never had anything like this happen when smoking. So I have no idea if I'm being gaslighted or what. I'm freaking the fuck out to be honest. Now I'm worried one of them will see this, but I have to put it out there. I'm bone dry sober now, but I don't know if my BPD, my anxiety, or what is causing these feelings, if I'm onto something but it isn't as big a deal as I'm making it out to be, or if there's something big happening right now. Any fucking commentary would be greatly appreciated.",4.664694239892889,5.164742146374831,5.3104916028756906,84.6909182990366,69.39671682626539,7.862863463049742,28.549087522193442,7.69321558396912,1.5838109904822884,2843,95,586,30,47,919,285,731,0.146,0.757,0.09699999999999999,-0.9872,1,0,5,0,0,0,94.0,3,2,3,2,42,43,7,4,25,0,63,7,4,9,6,112,123,67,0,13,36,3,5,9,14,6,0,8,1,8,33,28,0,2,20,3,0,15,17,20,0,2,25,16,80,22,78,80,10,92,0,1,3,3,68,48,4,22,37,382,113,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766408883272925,0.0,0.04347989133365174,0.0,0.0,0.0355348202653702,0.0,0.079949027810109,0.0,0.0,0.03653752886767563,0.0,0.08600192573423895,0.0,0.04885086019502041,0.0,0.04909477917993372,0.0,0.0,0.031853829848710866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581265493643856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367971790193197,0.0,0.04501258476955285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172092914064058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053872047078919,0.04500668423517175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718467319789382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877922693663891,0.0,0.053992818967183116,0.058277528499712815,0.03451357371695997,0.0,0.04402663079456687,0.049931369640009285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052842843526167374,0.037330592025333516,0.05017246995796164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826016280895464,0.14492520074664136,0.1638047714018546,0.10025446655993243,0.05939482026317116,0.0,0.0,0.0576107194643493,0.0,0.0,0.13862532198605546,0.0,0.04680972652034617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968872918751919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898891757388031,0.0,0.10908014665322406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358840537329445,0.042594353916067335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22975997857593114,0.0,0.0,0.09248709400139772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976050695493753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052660198755013495,0.05543371746662668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841303580109552,0.0,0.12090556778518158,0.0,0.0,0.04903726480124593,0.0,0.15041867234708048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081794010256014,0.03974186656686452,0.0,0.0,0.05802238672031788,0.0,0.0,0.0724533172229847,0.045626573252858654,0.0,0.0,0.0987946973896048,0.058909044951649975,0.0,0.05316156503033268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052530158550030036,0.058536946919756826,0.0,0.0,0.0594770080451293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610172738170354,0.0591941094249152,0.04462501778029842,0.04970595143327302,0.08310967753568474,0.05231582382222272,0.0,0.08328006807412097,0.142711475794427,0.10902558255838278,0.0,0.05363844560682324,0.04322542392245463,0.058736195116070464,0.0,0.0,0.0442750288831832,0.2011401561511396,0.051680990659953935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368706293022197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200015036428155,0.0913453911443266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03471553700738312,0.06696508772806453,0.0,0.08296839840869699,0.060939984116596985,0.0,0.0,0.049931369640009285,0.0,0.17738671928944152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285567364607386,0.045131070335740944,0.0,0.17246158668480274,0.061642061087617626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860606651395084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306693402647027,0.05325175234506108,0.14848025806745518,0.17139612560050535,0.0,0.0336501548280508
bpd,NNNARC,2019/02/26,"Videos to help explain BPD to loved ones that focus more on feeling rather than the facts Does anyone have an good videos they used to explain bpd to their friends and family to explain that you’re going through hard times but you don’t need to be on 24 hour watch about whether I’m going to hurt myself drastically or someone or something. 
It’s just that looking through the diagnosis doesn’t really explain what it’s actually like. 

Like just something to say just so you know, these weird things I do, do have a reason behind them but I’m working on them and this is where it comes from so you know how to deal with me sometimes or why I do certain things. 

But something that lasts less than 30mins (ish) because I’m anxious about whether people will actually take the time and watch it 

I’m very internalised and self targeted when it comes to splitting and abandonment issues if you have anything more specific towards the way those symptoms have manifested. 

",4.469093406593405,6.8297847417582425,4.212184065934069,85.12344093406595,72.46153846153845,6.967582417582418,29.506868131868128,7.865858978985527,1.9788230769230768,781,33,143,11,16,237,109,182,0.078,0.823,0.099,0.2238,0,0,3,0,0,2,8.0,0,4,4,1,11,9,0,0,6,0,12,2,0,3,2,35,32,18,0,3,13,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,15,8,0,1,8,2,0,4,2,3,0,1,0,6,12,6,23,30,3,15,0,2,3,1,18,5,0,4,7,95,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.2755022182091552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946982355783176,0.0,0.09870186093580928,0.0,0.11616207194491444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604939582495638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555703801906294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431924664843031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552903449951066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235294500032266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330724201397736,0.0,0.07137438073688072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905932088521188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604481603327392,0.11839771909438747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645100149457342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946160996931404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390134708549055,0.0,0.15111394444795676,0.0,0.0,0.1473336292776649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515491340945856,0.11506366541919265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792660226844086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853825562852315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740177464773622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466782835946367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565319128556636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978620812970164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904302587426039,0.14513526494671591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225553682427997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725993001736987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960381227705315,0.32601396432040153,0.13961015184188993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671855606912604,0.10613422208523407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875599260379126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646222397658669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191630814155573,0.0,0.11647120148286665,0.0,0.11204567766821348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737430749715498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027656477037124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eevee_exe,2019/02/26,"DAE have a hard time keeping in touch with reality? In the past I often couldn't take stuff seriously because I was dissociated, too busy living in my head because I didn't like my reality and who I was/am. But now that I'm actively trying to actually live, I find myself bored with my life, I don't want to invest in reality, and its gotten to the point where I just can't percieve stuff as real, I have no interest in this life, I kinda feel like I've been in my head for too long and now I'm not able to relate with real experiences, responsabilities or even new relationships. Like it's to late for me. Does any of this make sense? Idk if I explained myself. ",4.203643790849675,4.809465867647064,6.441568627450984,75.79428104575166,70.47058823529412,9.279738562091504,26.87581699346405,9.444778638647367,2.121724836601308,522,16,109,11,9,186,87,136,0.10099999999999999,0.825,0.073,-0.1491,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,8,4,2,1,0,22,17,7,0,3,5,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,4,3,17,4,18,12,0,15,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,4,10,70,25,0,0.15959805014618614,0.0,0.15574467464716596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853214694974428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945789800671402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966532919520824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541300691649658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561175175077464,0.0,0.0,0.0806975695387634,0.11401687891363367,0.0,0.0,0.14586972647114999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429685046791843,0.0,0.32758728697713785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185808005737982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800335521666523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254576453866639,0.2339146370775776,0.0,0.2818560045018144,0.14123925212162514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106532937771749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414079134958522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235439776032875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087174403684014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633150430523415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171348577954095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654031678368529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999787148752278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930629064937622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835659975810567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413506501911573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,--ExistentialDread--,2019/02/26,"Depression I feel like the depression part of my BPD is slowly creeping in the past few days.  I am really pushing to not let it back fully, but it takes so much energy.  I hate this feeling.  Some days I think I'd rather let the depression win, but I know I can't do that.  Any advice or support is appreciated.  I just don't know how to handle things right now.",2.5582882882882885,4.048312216216221,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,75.48648648648648,8.176576576576577,23.144144144144143,8.841846274778883,1.5068630630630635,280,8,60,6,6,96,54,74,0.171,0.607,0.222,0.5532,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,16,5,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,8,3,4,14,4,8,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967822842242585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199880000772976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925560472573945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446983021322966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503647450889772,0.0,0.5015498826506521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629174658434587,0.1386694322392351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916395817799774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335126574729407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969732641281948,0.0,0.0948304327834504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269031312196925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019798415177066,0.18529623015359625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434933409858535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576554358045886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026929505330245,0.0,0.0,0.14594362578277642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895546375013492,0.12437534728620897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,waiguoren6,2019/02/26,"I'm about to lose everything I have and I can't afford a therapist, any thoughts on (self) help? Dear Reddit,

I've been in therapy for most of my teenager years. I showed some borderline characteristics back then, but I was still too young to be officially diagnosed. I've managed to get by by myself for a few years now, but I'm afraid I've gotten to the point where I'm about to lose it. I'm 23 now, living abroad, and I'm quite convinced that I do really have BPD. I'm in financial dept, my life is falling apart and I'm about to lose the love of my life. I can't afford an English speaking (or basically any) therapist here and I can't go back to my home country. I don't have friends or family to ask for financial aid. I need help and I need it soon, before I lose the only good thing in my life. I'm desperate and I don't know what to do anymore. 

Does anyone have advice on how to handle BPD without therapy? Does anyone have recommendations for trustworthy websites or help lines? Is there anyone here with BPD, who has had effective therapy, that is willing to talk to me and share some therapy methods that I could apply without actually needing a therapist? Any advice would be highly appreciated.

I'm trying to keep it short, because I don't think posting the story of my life on Reddit will be of any use to anyone. But if you have any questions feel free to ask. 

Hope it's ok to post this here. Throw away account for privacy reasons.",3.090079908675797,4.7833568664383606,4.834452054794522,82.07213470319637,74.51369863013699,8.154337899543378,26.89269406392694,8.841846274778883,2.0951570776255712,1143,43,229,24,24,388,147,292,0.067,0.7609999999999999,0.172,0.9887,3,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,6,16,14,0,1,8,1,28,6,0,4,0,36,53,16,0,7,9,0,1,0,1,3,5,1,1,1,11,8,0,1,7,1,2,3,8,5,0,0,5,2,23,10,40,41,4,27,0,4,0,1,14,12,0,9,10,142,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.07925072897151189,0.0,0.0,0.1587179155835657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27613309354224524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805400060134756,0.22713993319848305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184361757975742,0.0,0.07630089670069297,0.12489329254212465,0.0,0.04950578903512688,0.0,0.06910502231769486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068492008589779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484079076819764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242798367924102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213749748865456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298767795308689,0.0,0.07655899375789417,0.0,0.041062984828628586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274381917846827,0.0,0.04242966750770778,0.0,0.04615437854244124,0.0681163702258909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330311070156253,0.08580443008524412,0.08146177650659138,0.08066136399469448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218453074248353,0.0,0.0,0.04463172772669452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294483941691405,0.0,0.0,0.07171126034444156,0.0,0.0,0.3634196727346215,0.0,0.0,0.07329656783693987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806519399648942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176502076722747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767711366260863,0.0,0.1555563751398924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097548893597736,0.08637844842954802,0.0,0.0,0.05202617948428292,0.08349896869264863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472132731294696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485562506698693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527474382995982,0.0,0.0,0.3714898047564961,0.28287850355603794,0.05395332553389028,0.05203706307105945,0.0,0.06447287575326736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513729146218668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701406787686814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657001517989216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769033399343434,0.0,0.0,0.1045951129788092
bpd,Prikachu182,2019/02/26,"DAE suffer with vivid flashbacks? I've always had intrusive thoughts and vivid memories that I don't want to remember. The other night I was very sad and paranoid - perhaps dissociating (I'm not the best at recognising when it occurs) and felt a bit anxious. I got high when I didn't really want to, but it has perked me up in the past. However, overtime I got more panicky and had really bad flashbacks. All I could see was my ex crying and shouting at me, it was a memory I subconsciously blocked out. And I could hear it, I could hear his screams?! I don't exactly remember why he was in that state but I remember it being my fault for upsetting him so badly from my BPD symptoms.",4.924742951907135,5.819153597014928,6.155472636815922,77.4496434494196,69.0,10.134660033167496,32.0530679933665,10.25414643259724,3.324347595356552,538,23,104,14,9,181,84,134,0.285,0.715,0.0,-0.9896,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,5,0,14,1,0,0,2,24,24,11,0,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,11,8,18,1,11,9,4,12,0,2,3,0,6,7,0,0,4,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339162798871164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752884271746682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24763686637248294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562431984535646,0.0,0.16189751234724092,0.0,0.18676980060852516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551996021582254,0.0,0.16289286087272126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238450369668074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372068649505484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342739026721842,0.0,0.0,0.15667966141173958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391629038239157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415624166348594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000054374921266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039610706406599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817029508906852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413317300451307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772805125827958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235722821416067,0.1749340680687009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381133715996488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,keelyannekh,2019/02/26,"Does anyone else suffer from constantly living in a life story you've created in your head? Hey long time lurker but I rarely post. 

​

Does anyone else suffer from constantly living in a life story you've created in your head? Like imagining you're with someone you like all the time but they're really not there? I tend to do this over romantic partners I obsess with, sometimes ones I haven't spoken to in months even a year. I pretend like I'm still talking to them everyday in my head. 

 Is this some sort of coping mechanism in dealing with the crap that life is? It's debilitating me because sometimes I wish I could just stop and actually create a life of my own that's worth living instead of imagining one that doesn't exist. I also feel so lame and thought this was something I would grow out of once I was an adult  but I'm almost 23 and still do this. Is this just something people with BPD also struggle with? I don't know what other subreddit to post this to. Thanks.",3.836675257731958,5.733039613402062,4.709884020618556,82.89101159793817,72.96907216494846,7.530412371134021,25.527061855670105,8.278499904357787,1.6925577319587632,791,26,148,13,16,256,108,194,0.122,0.7290000000000001,0.149,0.669,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,0,10,10,1,2,7,0,12,8,4,0,1,28,20,9,0,3,6,0,1,3,1,1,4,0,0,2,12,9,0,1,5,1,1,1,4,6,0,2,3,1,18,4,25,15,3,23,0,3,0,0,9,9,1,3,14,96,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.10735919557844596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016456741602668,0.0,0.0,0.1759586087776799,0.0,0.11920167889749075,0.13368079647958528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385070161750136,0.2254476303252203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706438863417913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856059031730733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23777520514380876,0.0,0.0878383735756724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134210837120307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255049877712466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380755974248805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266415787055719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562711001480135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387227302435828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604616064507947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31082862384294324,0.16124395474558098,0.0,0.2914369365837601,0.09736019883974194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781327137390106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716284878080566,0.14909861325520704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627085105865783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107287531464989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047870538150214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321572187438147,0.16939051493810142,0.21761615850150592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571693853899895,0.0919778306267564,0.0,0.11501202057630155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842624011310624,0.0,0.10128743239096956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733996730790991,0.12830177085665448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265123219253962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815180920813213,0.0,0.13368079647958528,0.0708463337597701
bpd,trust_nobody_,2019/02/26,"Shame after every psych appointment I was officially diagnosed a couple months ago. I've only had 2 appointments with this doc (though I've been seeing a counselor in his office going on 3 years) but I'm scared to go back.

I spent the past 3 years carefully constructing a reality in my head where I try to make things not matter because things mattering = pain. I thought that was some sort of progress, the uncontrollable panic attacks stopped. 

He's torn that all down. I feelt such intense shame after the two appointments with him, it took me a week to get my mood back to my normal level. I didn't sleep a wink the night after the appointments, I was just ON.

Whatever stability I found in the month after the first appointment went away for a week after the second appountment. I don't know how to cope.

I guess that's probably why he recommended me to DBT. I'm on a waiting list.",4.545675313059036,6.1318705174418655,5.4862790697674475,79.29414132379252,70.56976744186046,9.245796064400716,27.76565295169946,9.661875296680813,2.5873008944543816,707,25,134,17,13,232,111,172,0.18899999999999997,0.76,0.051,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,1,5,15,0,7,4,2,2,1,19,23,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,0,1,4,3,7,0,3,11,1,17,1,23,12,2,32,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,3,18,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841689068959406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776423169708162,0.14670736268925896,0.2401382730573701,0.0,0.0951871348994033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592045695592538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277617770415254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848820420566434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315624797555783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282047426859173,0.0,0.1712095954975843,0.0,0.0,0.08158153952313142,0.0,0.1774864371275936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201600587108534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025418195769586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581554542843216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423083845346676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492736869285483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653549547740993,0.15299311366436044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875854275674527,0.16615381382696706,0.18320750338104333,0.0,0.0,0.1490621300114301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835530422521774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633264204620795,0.0,0.12443073740038292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626202145913842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054776685403974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074772496696021,0.0,0.15341584760760835,0.12396506431448295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734875648220187,0.10601509243040044,0.0,0.15253513015904085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505070228933599,0.0,0.0,0.14475192130840328,0.14090041277121207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110999790080855
bpd,chanceywhatever13,2019/02/26,"OCD and BPD comorbidity Would like to chat with people that share these two illnesses about the treatment that has worked for them so I have some background info as I continue to seek help. Basically no information about these two disorders together online otherwise I wouldn't have come to Reddit. If you have these two disorders and would like to tell me about your experiences, please comment or something? Or if you're just, knowledgeable somehow on the comorbidity of these disorders and the successful treatment of them, hit me up. Cool.",7.531519756838904,9.768801148936177,7.096079027355624,68.10500000000002,64.1063829787234,11.32887537993921,34.705167173252285,11.20814326018867,4.576640121580548,444,20,70,14,7,139,62,94,0.052000000000000005,0.7709999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.8979,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,2,2,2,6,5,0,0,3,1,7,1,0,0,0,18,9,9,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,9,5,14,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,6,3,54,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22734736559533306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554942978045467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.620643953111925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657445762074267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099276096399525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637717548033088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514364308199666,0.0,0.0,0.19814694144789985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389662357811274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777462598944442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5289992397486619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141420422371172,0.0,0.0,0.2564597610228081,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,l0serpatrol,2019/02/26,"Does anyone find they get into irritable moods, and you can’t snap out of it? You know your upset, and angry and extremely irritable but you don’t know how to stop yourself? 4/7 days out of the week I am upset, and irritable. People around me that are close to me don’t understand, I am on medication and I take my dog on walks, I try and clean, and I shower when I’m anxious. I don’t know how much more I can do? I hate feeling this way. ",2.381566820276497,3.405201688172042,4.690353302611367,85.09838709677422,75.12903225806451,7.894930875576037,22.963133640553004,8.418075326091056,1.1425004608294933,339,9,77,6,7,119,59,93,0.266,0.682,0.052000000000000005,-0.9665,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,1,0,4,4,1,2,1,0,9,1,0,2,0,22,18,11,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,12,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,16,0,10,18,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925238937504109,0.0,0.18105402036068494,0.0,0.0,0.2305078721788189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699225135012655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265965742081986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092578458648013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666274579033894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528333440381451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25564561973661115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269132403151801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26085070449572445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903476995183475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795135683532058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164820289273744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468759174543396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580049708484174,0.0,0.0,0.2695614313400794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553128597099773,0.2077027814544828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cerisetree,2019/02/26,"I think I'm addicted to YouTube? The other day, I really started thinking about how much time I spend listening to YouTube (I say listen because it's usually on in the background and I'm not actively watching it). If I have work, I'll listen to it while getting ready. Then on the way to work. Then during my break. Then on the way home. Then in bed while playing games. Then as I'm falling asleep. If I have the day off it's pretty much nonstop.

I think I mostly listen to it to drown out my mind, especially before bed. I find that my thoughts are racing before I put my earphones in and find something suitable to listen to. It's to the point where I'll have a hissy fit if the internet stops working, but I have some videos saved on my computer for this very reason.

Does anyone else do this? Maybe not with YouTube but with podcasts or music?",2.3346176470588245,4.4496918,3.477279411764705,89.05650735294117,78.05882352941177,6.132352941176473,25.33088235294117,7.1686216300943375,1.141911764705882,666,25,134,8,16,215,94,170,0.04,0.889,0.07,0.7012,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,8,0,6,2,1,2,0,26,20,17,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,10,5,0,1,7,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,7,16,2,23,19,4,30,0,0,1,0,7,12,0,6,13,86,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543229990491369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252269185737072,0.1648869583976824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809855213592687,0.0,0.2738711074729729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756697480459976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082678995346729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344324152474745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941655663390962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407681265642608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142116882627314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167106551624086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248865004706686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365971823878187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212639765229813,0.0,0.0,0.16371885526872093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177434618390713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309284994833004,0.16545798164695233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797423533459967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388813645665644,0.0,0.0,0.11390373577516175,0.0,0.0,0.1345407331200188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30934324919383177,0.0,0.12775669041346538,0.0938368202099642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772364517190594,0.13278020282958594,0.0,0.2554699808630776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514665438053365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rbril,2019/02/26,"New therapist- don’t know what to do Hi there,

I currently transferred therapists because my old one is moving and I’m not a huge fan of continuing with video sessions. I had my second appointment with my new one today. I came in with a couple of things written down in my journal that I wanted to talk about (I usually freeze up and pretend everything’s fine so I thought writing would help). As soon as I mentioned I did that though, my therapist moved on to other topics like mindfulness and sleep time habits. 

1) I feel like I’m back at square one. I’m getting all this “generic” info like do yoga and drink tea before bed which yes can be helpful but also I could’ve easily googled those.

2) these are things I already covered with my old therapist and I thought I explained that. 

3) I really really really just want to start just talking about what the heck has been going on my brain and all of my current behaviors because I haven’t talked about it to nearly anyone (especially someone licensed to help and listen)

She did eventually ask me what I wanted to talk about but I just froze up and got very overwhelmed. I didn’t know know where to start so I ended up not saying anything and I left the session crying.

I was actually looking forward to this session and I left in the worst mood shift I had in a couple of days. I’m debating on whether I’m overreacting and should just stay quiet about this and keep going with her way. As usual, I feel like I can’t trust my brain so- I’m opening the floor to your words of advice and experiences.

Thanks for reading :)",2.9357415467023777,5.189172631067965,4.146099765651158,84.31514563106798,76.73462783171522,6.980515567458989,26.18915299631737,7.990435384864732,1.7282924004017408,1249,48,237,21,29,408,173,309,0.046,0.8290000000000001,0.125,0.9625,2,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,0,18,10,0,1,7,1,19,5,3,0,2,49,49,24,0,5,9,0,4,4,0,2,0,3,1,0,16,20,2,1,9,5,0,6,6,2,0,4,12,9,38,7,42,34,3,44,0,1,2,0,17,20,1,0,22,160,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.08739993889530953,0.0,0.0,0.08751929669051409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988342857840746,0.07162298288662115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262408100172892,0.0,0.0737021869074787,0.0,0.08372871183862605,0.0,0.0,0.06886792259374386,0.0,0.10919276056601374,0.0,0.07621096747383406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996241632183773,0.0,0.1024354743664613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150825266353271,0.19819808447327092,0.09838004137614566,0.05776030962680712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773701109545168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932566296050178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049286960506588,0.08760916879871462,0.0,0.0,0.09057083540950787,0.12796672852745686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046792633905676666,0.0,0.10180070055407073,0.0,0.07163119692143846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009527586630913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960713621129603,0.0,0.0,0.14766338404940385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946195213939769,0.0,0.0,0.17502257061535045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520982129315734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043244713081887,0.0,0.0,0.1903812187902308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729997609966248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796125099720004,0.0,0.1820693087956133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958659178406715,0.0,0.17212781384700948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122357941709087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962703580048591,0.0,0.07588589269887147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678539160127655,0.09546155371431804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28794731335259965,0.0,0.08245698334582917,0.0,0.4159551884076952,0.11900249792164895,0.0,0.08799455899451936,0.14220501121866086,0.052224529406230506,0.0,0.08489464023075287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728056138191905,0.07389832255316157,0.1584785922706298,0.07109042856599387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636225272790695,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vippanda,2019/02/26,"Online dating with BPD seems impossible Today I realised something. I can't date online. Basic human interactions are taxing enough but online dating is the absolute hell.

 I downloaded Badoo, cause talking to people outside of my friendship circle doesn't usually work out so well. After some swiping left and right, I started talking to a guy who's funny, handsome and smart. We've been talking for a week now, seems like he doesn't use the site much except for talking to me and vice versa. But yesterday a beautiful girl matched with me and then told me that she's only looking for guys. Okay, weird, whatever. But after a couple minutes, I started getting super anxious that she's gonna match with the guy I'm talking to and she's gonna ""steal"" him. Now, while I do know that this is really dumb, I can't keep it from happening over and over again. I think I'll just delete the app and die alone. 

Has anyone ever experienced something similar? How did you deal with it?",4.8885023041474645,6.534799801075272,5.578525345622122,78.73064516129034,69.80645161290322,7.894930875576037,29.414746543778804,8.418075326091056,2.313306912442396,777,30,135,12,14,252,123,186,0.115,0.71,0.174,0.9206,0,1,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,2,8,10,2,0,8,1,11,0,0,3,1,27,26,14,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,7,12,0,1,4,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,3,2,17,6,19,21,3,23,1,0,1,0,20,6,2,3,18,85,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377054417933555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020584231922254,0.0,0.0929680351402753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745722566417404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136585534240711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471166218114849,0.0,0.0,0.1370749068457765,0.0,0.0,0.13799046664419987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738220527290218,0.0,0.0,0.1202690416337739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694655979563019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39495098761405373,0.11757521836799435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818008213971436,0.0,0.0,0.07307079778069155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444603594537322,0.0,0.0,0.06495705899005523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165208649821208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774017490712927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112132270655763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217704029753207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851769499867298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354627282428245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420817883739359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047166919569424,0.0,0.0,0.1882181511188264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343371016010056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519476852992727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602960027430607,0.12704803721417532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148338999084126,0.1464355713462776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665170232909277,0.0,0.11954612273667067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679574687193866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,2w3infplost,2019/02/26,"Is putting all your eggs in one basket a BPD thing? I ask because two people (not psychologists) have told me they thought I had BPD though neither of them knew me, but it led to me researching the disorder and while I'm not sure if I have it, I have a few tendencies which I'm curious about.

My main one is that I tend to put all my eggs in one basket. This can be socially or recreationally or professionally. I don't generally have anxiety when I'm not exposed to any one of those things for a while, but when I feel like I reach a point in life where I'm ready to disengage from the thing I'm used to, then I do feel a lot of anxiety from that. For instance, it's normal for me to have one friend I message off and on for x amount of years. The frequency of our messaging is usually determined by them (daily, weekly, or monthly) and I only experience anxiety when I feel like they're being inconsistent, not when I think they might be avoiding me (I often actually feel relief when people avoid me because it means I get time alone--the exception is if I think they're mad at me, then it makes me anxious). Same goes for hobbies. Instead of having four or five, it's more normal for me to have ONE which I sink all of my time into. Then four or five years later when I'm ready to be done with it, I realize I have no other hobbies and will need to find a new one I can get absorbed by, and that's difficult and stressful.

Is this a BPD thing?",5.7298369565217415,4.8571057023411415,6.81317516722408,79.49996341973244,67.22742474916386,10.551923076923078,31.73097826086957,9.978442167317967,2.7393827759197333,1131,39,246,23,16,383,143,299,0.08900000000000001,0.792,0.11900000000000001,0.7168,0,4,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,4,0,11,10,1,3,10,0,25,3,0,3,4,50,48,27,0,5,14,0,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,20,8,2,2,11,0,0,3,7,5,0,12,5,4,38,5,36,37,10,32,0,0,0,0,12,9,0,10,22,185,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.09836258704863488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854489744901024,0.0,0.2313265356965595,0.11387105703395325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423087488152593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228889007476375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808479949899881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552121990670508,0.0,0.0,0.103149545914373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859806083553893,0.0,0.0,0.20386242358147486,0.14401770336691294,0.0,0.0,0.09212593432349593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787492248714081,0.0,0.10532374699472556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119536292449896,0.0984878997355464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569335598828097,0.0,0.0,0.06728227073484176,0.0,0.0,0.1097966512641556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692887850822363,0.0,0.0,0.08045459453195514,0.0,0.0,0.07473913237521218,0.0,0.09734963356671623,0.0,0.0,0.1975178219203809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478114970603566,0.07666008011056978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975883828318994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952850239638874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265611610823472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027490698103671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546174865696715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949992602745701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26785816349012065,0.12917231708801888,0.09903179084910273,0.08002095294083955,0.11755019247662253,0.0,0.0,0.09631512375478184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846327705131844,0.0,0.0,0.08705558561505232,0.11101281440926716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085266119592292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298189434817466
bpd,_Asunder,2019/02/26,"How to go about getting diagnosed I’m not asking for anyone on here to diagnose me, but I want to know how others went about it. Because I’ve done a lot of research and even wrote an essay for a socials class about it. I personally can relate to a lot of the criteria and symptoms of the disorder. I’ve also browsed this community for a few months now and would just like to know who to go to and what to say to them. Because all I want to know is if I have the disorder or not.

P.S, I’m 16 and from Canada and live in a pretty rural environment. I have talked to my parents about it but it didn’t really do anything. Also my school has a nurse practitioner that visits every second Tuesday, so I’m considering going to them.",3.9993999999999983,4.6093434733333325,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,70.93333333333334,8.933333333333334,28.333333333333336,9.120678840339163,2.252533333333333,571,20,116,11,10,200,91,150,0.049,0.879,0.07200000000000001,0.3291,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,13,1,0,0,10,0,9,3,0,2,1,25,24,15,0,4,7,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,4,1,10,1,25,19,4,10,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,4,4,89,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570465826112775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237528347673127,0.0,0.132254302404123,0.0,0.1502463202253999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959400796935267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32624357688001465,0.0,0.0,0.36838537731404297,0.0,0.0,0.16446668595659875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615038155110927,0.0,0.1354088595860637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839666693013531,0.0,0.274013184702328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649733836609447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851696453311315,0.0,0.14191380786642085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732673642517276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828074438288709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845438259675722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032966274021624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635043782513572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295779496683656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780658493019806,0.0,0.16265160822403646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382814725003642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704385482951933,0.0,0.12917619087882587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958709862120146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489839095741994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141669374484572,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CowsHearMusic,2019/02/26,"I get banned all the time on social media It might be a co-morbid threeway mix between STPD, ADD and BPD.


I usually say whatever is on my mind and tend to get banned all over the place, it's been this way since 2010. 

I'm pretty sure this account is going to get banned soon because I just NEED to say things. Anyone else have troubles fitting into social media?",4.25835616438356,5.128252643835619,4.9752328767123295,85.39682191780824,70.50684931506851,6.935890410958903,25.558904109589037,6.742157984588678,1.0091336986301371,285,8,56,2,5,92,54,73,0.155,0.774,0.071,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,3,14,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,8,10,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682784468606686,0.2151565725876919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280061713702986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264471368941811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541725549677276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291287380344152,0.0,0.11934049339161745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276310168753224,0.21202708430225495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570275474325562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193917990128788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363234612309698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339802992510071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737034776807367,0.0,0.0,0.4281107555936041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791033228836166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395060813875374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244515160628455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127109542226085,0.0,0.0,0.16667796536392293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chickquanda,2019/02/26,DAE have really irrational paranoid thoughts I personally do and some other people I know with BPD have these thoughts and I was just wondering if this is a common thing.,7.439032258064515,8.65483241935484,7.203387096774198,71.02508064516131,63.516129032258064,11.361290322580645,34.854838709677416,11.20814326018867,4.297567741935484,139,6,23,4,2,44,26,31,0.166,0.8340000000000001,0.0,-0.6087,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,1,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454465103432278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830812041445173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501608872758329,0.3150714000619973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311632193369531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397259331355765,0.0,0.0,0.5729329989929045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39131537684247264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bitterbobb,2019/02/26,"Does anyone else feel wrong when you’re with others? I often struggle with teeter-tottering  back and forth with the idea of fitting in. 

Sometimes when i’m with friends, we’ll be talking and maybe one will say something about their life that I had no idea about. Or they’ll talk about something that people normally do that I don’t. Sometimes, nothing triggers it at all, just being with people. 

Regardless of what triggers it, the feeling is terrible. Its this distant foggy feeling. Like there is a glass wall built between me and the world and all I can do is watch as people live their lives on the other side. The feeling is the idea that ill never be normal and ill never be able to understand the people around me, and the people around me wont ever be able to understand me.
",6.496933333333331,6.884139360000006,6.014000000000002,81.63033333333334,65.4,8.266666666666667,31.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.102733333333334,624,22,114,6,9,192,91,150,0.106,0.828,0.066,-0.802,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,3,0,12,5,0,1,9,0,18,3,0,2,5,35,25,10,0,3,2,0,4,1,1,4,3,1,0,0,11,13,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,6,12,2,19,15,2,15,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,2,7,87,23,0,0.2410288618142796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842664921903604,0.12348127620091626,0.0,0.21456678810089425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266815845572003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546299061925647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067434294890233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901220233688727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24374286928055705,0.08609553351998256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310915036988472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081383702816425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512290658485472,0.05887726352219065,0.0,0.2128329008354624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107294408669232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589631718917488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361571093050352,0.11563684674757613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166369732066431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177476610451424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583791255242702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555579342939976,0.2383837074263607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259878496724126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372986911530252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509195454880231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317636115246475,0.0,0.0
bpd,TallestCat,2019/02/26,"I feel like I’m ruining my SO’s life. He feels like he needs to be here for me, which I appreciate. I feel like I’m ruining his life, though. He says that I’m going to get better, and that it won’t be like this forever, but I don’t know. I feel so bad whenever he has to leave me. I just can’t handle it. But, I want him to go for his sake. He needs socialization, and a break from me. He would never say that. 

I tell him to go, but I’m short with him, I cry, I’m a wreck without him. I’m trying to get back on my antidepressant, we might be able to pick it up again tomorrow if they’ve refilled it. I’m pregnant. I can’t tell if how sad I am is how sad I was before I was on the antidepressant. Maybe I have antenatal depression. I just can’t tell. I keep breaking down. I cry so much every day.

I feel so horrible, I want to cut myself. I want to kill myself. I haven’t cut myself in a very long time. But, now I’m finding myself thinking about it more seriously. Every time I get the compulsion to do it, I find myself planning how and when I would do it. How I would hide it, how I would get the time to myself to do it. I’m scared of my suicidal thoughts. I WANT therapy, but I guess it’s just not serious enough yet to move me up on this waiting list.

The thoughts that keep repeating in my head over and over again are “Nobody needs me.” and “I’m bad.” It’s almost comforting.",-0.10522431104464758,1.702630188741722,2.6663084810937825,93.29792886135445,84.86092715231787,6.4133304849391175,19.344584490493485,7.601502580125103,0.41229532151249737,1055,29,259,19,31,370,131,302,0.23600000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.07,-0.9965,0,0,0,0,0,3,43.0,1,0,0,2,21,19,3,1,7,0,24,3,1,6,1,54,61,23,2,13,12,0,5,4,0,6,2,2,0,0,18,7,0,3,11,0,0,4,9,13,0,0,4,7,50,6,30,48,3,31,0,5,0,0,19,11,0,5,18,166,68,0,0.10049373132361523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006299556311866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727347628002294,0.16781613605851414,0.0,0.0,0.08551276364334381,0.0,0.0,0.08887853881928431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077529007381055,0.06481014306476733,0.0,0.0865551035341228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383688812497677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693406057984752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540632502799733,0.21537822521156305,0.0,0.0,0.1836988996646748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100153075631513,0.0,0.17133871017047309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110705174816411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103135560780218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786468916169386,0.11118142432457268,0.0,0.0552287265973379,0.0,0.0,0.1064083513223913,0.0,0.0,0.1419633887731663,0.19638464396111366,0.0,0.0,0.08893378986809714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009594603901193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660796804168024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680893252096717,0.0738744554797817,0.2235444852750441,0.07750696083879416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983329734313412,0.10061175632811277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244070361042412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992383127542543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26350785185204034,0.0,0.11492333988408245,0.0,0.0,0.06439232527314978,0.098734580790909,0.15956159482446516,0.17579610865193931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822864698696192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291785289692999,0.2370952257498649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687237086879996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855514537051479,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,okayyyythengoodday,2019/02/26,"I HATE being interrupted even over minor things And it’s ruining my marriage. I literally drew the last straw today when he came home and said “you got a package” while I was talking. We literally just had a long stream of texts while he was at work, in which he said he would try to listen to me when I talk and stop interrupting me. And then it’s the first thing he does when he’s home. What the actual duck. He’s a narcissist by the way. ",2.9265934065934083,4.214994186813193,4.521758241758246,85.7982417582418,74.16483516483518,8.276923076923078,22.89010989010989,8.841846274778883,1.3028857142857142,345,9,77,7,7,116,61,91,0.14800000000000002,0.852,0.0,-0.9008,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,11,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,3,9,0,7,2,0,16,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,0,11,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.20363610532909207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386679134010664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261236701190334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782746811815064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774983315650846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668959743623551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602276049166507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186348596731333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009748119752513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846702706644668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969942662347525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744611358583233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354491443142525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772679879127294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779892432891327,0.0,0.0,0.14167621468555555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563601968527164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519174429595219,0.0,0.0,0.14823630119264225,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,koldak,2019/02/26,Im so lost and scared. I dont know what to do anymore. Everything is getting worse. Im getting angry faster and the depression and anxiety are getting worse. I want to hurt myself all the time. I keep yelling at my husband but i cant help it. Im trying to find a psychiatrist to go back on medication but either they dnt take my insurance or they dont treat borderline personality disorder. Im so scared. I have this strong feeling that the way i will die will be due to my own hands. Im so scared. ,0.7016987179487162,3.004331413461543,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,85.82692307692307,6.928205128205128,24.051282051282055,8.07648339933343,1.5713743589743596,393,16,85,9,12,136,66,104,0.331,0.607,0.062,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,1,2,10.0,0,0,2,2,4,8,0,3,4,0,10,2,1,0,1,13,20,9,1,1,4,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,3,12,2,7,16,3,8,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430034765820253,0.0,0.1222495950712272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478615160416336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617129655160096,0.0,0.1279336247504598,0.0,0.1412768037998674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889403936611474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107861113576413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232844416321346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126655133906232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320868951597345,0.0,0.07005653918915182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826245247353535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319618741566267,0.0,0.6657576597616436,0.0,0.0,0.10956703494904976,0.0,0.0,0.06774534684048518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456253247224095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418041733679674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763362202268033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702409279706399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268284875818752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187906902544985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369147071393017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270717293444688,0.09784509080390603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512430180627065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dobutamine44,2019/02/26,"Found out my FP is just manipulative and doesn't actually love me at all (feeling like a BPD stereotype today) My FP is for the past few years is my academic mentor. She’s easy to talk to so I’ve gradually confided in her a lot about my life, including my history of trauma and my ongoing struggle with mental illness (specifically never mentioned BPD though) and she encouraged me to seek formal treatment (which I did). Last year she started saying that she loves me, and started hugging me (never any sexual vibe). At one point I was literally crying while she hugged me, which was incredibly meaningful for me because I’ve never had a relationship in my life where I felt comfortable enough to do that before

For the past few months I’ve been stable and functioning relatively well. The last time I talked to her several months ago she gave me this big project to work on (it’s totally redundant and pointless, but I get to work with her so I don’t care). But for past few months she hasn’t replied to my multiple texts/emails 

I wondered why she wasn’t answering me when before she got back to me right away (before that the was even a couple of times when she even texted me randomly to say that she is thinking about me and she loves me). So I asked around. Turns out she is not just busy, she is just a really manipulative person who says stuff like that to make people feel special that they are close with a faculty member so they’ll do whatever she wants and then never follows up because she doesn’t actually care. 

So now I feel really hurt and betrayed and stupid for letting myself be 100% taken in by her bullshit. She was the first (and only) person that I actually trusted, so now I don’t know what to do.  If she would have told me to jump off a cliff I would have done it. And the worst part is that she’s a fucking PSYCHIATRIST so she fucking knew the effect that her words and actions would have on me given my history. I feel betrayed in the worst way because she used my greatest vulnerability against me.

Right now, I’m just trying to focus on taking care of myself and avoiding the urge to be self-destructive (because being self-destructive is literally the worst thing you can do when you find out that someone doesn’t care)

Please don’t interrogate me about details. I just want to vent to people who understand. ",6.363910193379223,6.679695345132745,6.8636676499508384,75.67058177646673,65.68141592920354,10.147623729924616,32.00622746640445,9.994966539143718,3.0270164536217643,1864,69,352,39,27,610,217,452,0.12300000000000001,0.768,0.109,-0.9309,0,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,2,4,28,26,3,2,18,0,41,10,0,5,6,65,78,30,0,6,9,0,5,2,0,4,3,3,0,2,20,22,0,1,15,0,0,3,13,10,1,2,17,8,72,16,49,53,12,56,0,1,0,7,48,22,2,4,32,261,92,5,0.0,0.0,0.2282107367356591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910005193825534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301026882837876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939411538424138,0.07287492133340613,0.0,0.07323879572100789,0.05994054287001367,0.0,0.1900761079846151,0.0,0.1989951166370256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963565035329491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179104506840093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625278890149002,0.0856269924453373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977231510943147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054561207508466,0.0,0.10297357956511703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766019470811607,0.055689172029215736,0.07484647735357262,0.0,0.07124703262101975,0.06630622624665976,0.0,0.08547072457899221,0.0,0.14413137675879525,0.040726883765169086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623456127060513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344959934785665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284057109411843,0.1270831333773352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971155589248656,0.11012009554085857,0.07616715810549536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627229752767437,0.21106510896923245,0.0,0.0520337967051583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785576308452461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866624581847152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404866214144046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528225275191163,0.05928627230187845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441479503159235,0.22324300613533016,0.1080846841159114,0.13612996468192806,0.0,0.08556826798184876,0.07369016401843226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998765387080774,0.0,0.0,0.08369164746103268,0.0,0.13314175624578226,0.0,0.1859725045253703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626425966820706,0.08806396347199835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604877035973168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035014436834713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149271799761279,0.08923678698967456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861046339876001,0.12531028692511104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178807534525006,0.0499487161616531,0.07658778480735064,0.0,0.0909092804267286,0.0,0.07388970990462396,0.07448680780765073,0.0,0.05292452645542877,0.08478976858577783,0.0,0.08115114200977643,0.0,0.06732579912164567,0.0,0.0,0.09195662747095404,0.061874944395298184,0.0,0.0,0.07008852134744106,0.0,0.07033986814836267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453599472782862,0.11350047355227698,0.0,0.0,0.16612533151462222,0.0,0.0,0.1003975109613774
bpd,bleepedeethrowawee,2019/02/26,"(big trigger warning, possible ableism, negativity about BPD, don't read if you hate yourself for having BPD or something) anyone else just accept that they aren't normal/are crazy? Before anyone gets offended, I'm starting this off with I have BPD. And of course this is a throwaway since I'm kinda worried about how this thread will go.

   
 

Like... maybe not all of us but this is a mental disorder for a reason; I don't understand how people actually get offended when people are weirded out by our behavior. We aren't normal. This is a personality disorder.

   
 

Going to extreme lengths to avoid abandonment. Unstable relationships. The push pull. The black and white thinking, the intense splitting. Normal people don't do that. That is very overwhelming for our loved ones. I am guilty of it.

   
 

The impulsivity. Many borderlines engage in impulsive behaviors. This can be things like cheating or stealing. This can also be things like drug and alcohol use. Now, I'm fortunate enough that I don't do those things. However, we're already emotionally unstable - I imagine that drugs and alcohol can amplify that instability and make things a lot harder and scarier for our loved ones. And I imagine the unpredictability of the impulsivity is scary as well.

   
 

Some of us self-harm and are suicidal. Imagine being the loved one of someone like that... imagine being afraid you could say or do some dumb shit accidentally and trigger your loved one into self-harm or suicide. Imagine you didn't answer a freaking text for hours because your phone was on silent and now your loved one felt abandoned and self-harmed or attempted suicide. Imagine how awful that feels. I've literally known borderlines who've done this. Hell, I'm pretty sure I've done this and it wasn't even as manipulation, I was in genuine distress. And if you decide you want to leave? Now you feel trapped.

   
 

The intensity of our moods. Scary lows. Scary rage. Draining anxiety. Negative moods that are draining in general. Screaming, crying, panic attacks, dissociation, sometimes psychosis. Not knowing what will come of these moods, because these moods are so intense we lose control and can't think straight.

   
 

Like really, why is it so offensive/surprising/controversial that people who are exes of BPDs don't like us? Is everyone here just a tame, treated, and/or quiet borderline or something? It's also things like that that make me not understand ""BPD positivity,"" because like... THIS is BPD. And I personally don't experience any euphoria, because I get to have mood disorders with my BPD, woo-hoo. I'm surprised my ex never hated me; my poor ex ended up blaming themself for my behavior which is wrong. My own behavior scares me. I probably wouldn't tolerate me as a friend; I just don't have the energy. I do consider myself crazy and abnormal. I mean, that's just the reality of things. Doesn't make me a bad person or lesser or anything, and I understand people who can't tolerate my bullshit, because I am hard to deal with.

​

Also like... if you have these behaviors, please don't hate yourself. We all can recover, and we're all worthy of love! ",4.717280216159216,7.501748542704629,5.4760063266113095,74.33909713984448,73.35943060498221,8.646948728087517,31.4038486885462,9.2995712137729,3.3951718993014364,2499,118,406,63,54,810,267,562,0.26,0.591,0.15,-0.998,1,2,6,0,0,2,104.0,10,10,1,3,22,54,11,6,19,1,56,11,1,12,5,96,92,42,3,8,19,2,4,9,1,3,4,3,0,3,41,27,2,4,21,1,1,5,22,27,1,5,7,9,48,22,39,77,8,24,1,5,2,6,39,11,3,15,17,271,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.054163576569009164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863308949025468,0.0,0.0,0.061249681331257175,0.1331587973646237,0.0,0.060138204532289775,0.06744303566095104,0.03774439970309699,0.0,0.04246015653102297,0.0,0.0,0.07761891482473363,0.05687007024237289,0.045674792160305316,0.0,0.0,0.06314343873522951,0.0,0.0,0.0463432470438252,0.1691726139186171,0.0,0.04722953613402133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194295851042304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047811498089023435,0.0,0.0,0.062252086799201765,0.0443151650608896,0.0,0.060968176537536736,0.0,0.057221847826605124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083604734801454,0.0,0.0,0.1135990521564714,0.0,0.0,0.12873327463449855,0.0,0.04636619519378056,0.062434159485467475,0.049159778301391184,0.057350129393516025,0.0,0.03665965134554955,0.0,0.0,0.053036136368254654,0.0,0.0542932407316716,0.0,0.0,0.056128647692742006,0.0,0.05329222846894288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288199866939595,0.0,0.08699513208304137,0.0,0.06308803082624463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972038734352098,0.16439515298353236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465993574728455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030503366133085925,0.0,0.0,0.05877037368016001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440466112500992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209441075905349,0.0,0.047187236405562105,0.3005653814774693,0.0,0.11114739451336894,0.0562720109289334,0.05576089789886693,0.06045976937172703,0.0,0.0,0.05593464594474862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042807852905347436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631454396279567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805362018292768,0.0,0.0,0.06512159919348359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239628515475246,0.14539099438897274,0.0,0.060926363513923575,0.0,0.06257204967347599,0.0,0.05646718751811185,0.059842345108808676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551869125978642,0.0,0.0355570730094221,0.05706701809447461,0.0,0.05959017117620812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413874707506848,0.055568857543008776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370730181898086,0.0,0.056973720855139715,0.04591321035764191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047028080472989016,0.08545887547387446,0.054894550020344726,0.0,0.03928578413569172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213602297545012,0.0,0.052311553226398376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212450371093509,0.07112902270183162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334383741551745,0.20029224732144135,0.04793735116878728,0.0,0.045796341536622175,0.03273750331138086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990446611205704,0.0,0.05008343019444631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636667229368088,0.0,0.0,0.06068455132098671,0.06744303566095104,0.0
bpd,bostonmess,2019/02/26,"How do you stay vigilant? A lot of times I feel like I’m improving,  but I fall back into old habits without realizing. How do you keep aware and stay vigilant when trying to get better?",3.322072072072072,5.001801567567568,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,73.86486486486487,9.257657657657658,25.84684684684685,9.725611199111238,2.468754954954956,146,5,29,4,3,50,30,37,0.0,0.713,0.287,0.8504,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,10,6,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,4,6,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635869414563897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26035362912625665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884648221433516,0.21030387205404105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380047934662286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26165690380647466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381833747262834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502698508908618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089004410419949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6275360668959624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165431791082886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986350011388285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837701165299133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thway45246733,2019/02/26,"It doesn’t just have to be “I have BPD” or “I don’t have BPD” I defined myself a lot around BPD and saw it as a definite label rather than a set of symptoms that I needed to work on. I was never fully diagnosed with it - I was only diagnosed with BPD traits (I think I was 1 symptom off of a full diagnosis which also points to how arbitrary the DSM can get at times), but at the end of the day I needed to stop relying on labels so much. 

Did it really really matter whether I was “fully BPD” or “only partially BPD?” Not really; but it did matter for me to stop hurting myself, to stop making self destructive decisions, to stop letting my emotions absolutely devastate me and get in the way of daily functioning. It didn’t make it any more or less valid for me to find support in BPD forums whether I had severe BPD or just parts of it. 

A label helped explain some things but as usual I used it to define myself too much. I was focusing too much on exactly what problem I had and how it defined my life, and less on how to resolve those problems. 

My newer recent diagnosis from a psychiatrist was basically: “you don’t quite meet the full criteria for BPD, but you do when you’re in a bad/stressful time in your life. But DBT will help you regardless.”

I think in the past I definitely wouldn’t have been satisfied with that - do I have it or don’t I? Who the fuck am I then and what’s wrong with me? But now I think the better attitude is to focus more on the DBT and a bit less on exactly what brand of fucked up I am, yknow? 

I may or may not have BPD but it still doesn’t define me, and I’ll be happy when it’s in remission, or more or less gone from my life. I used to feel guilty about wanting it gone too because I was very deep into the BPD community and didn’t want to feel like I was turning my back on it. But isn’t the goal at the end of the day, for all of us, to get better and feel better?",5.040809090909093,4.268545790000001,6.545909090909093,80.51545454545455,68.6,10.072727272727274,28.931818181818183,9.573946990214177,2.2569000000000004,1476,43,325,28,22,510,173,400,0.132,0.763,0.10400000000000001,-0.9508,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,4,0,7,18,14,3,0,21,0,40,9,0,7,4,77,65,37,0,9,23,0,3,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,24,15,0,4,10,0,0,2,12,7,0,0,18,4,43,7,56,40,17,49,0,1,1,2,11,24,2,12,22,247,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647709117113037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395223584378769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173750600236776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468929648214462,0.048526256484372005,0.03542830585601043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420243387788288,0.06345000502895214,0.0,0.8051760078125865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496284204882765,0.0,0.0,0.1179774678395812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653751351024865,0.10295092220500868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881589010632951,0.04151964264080428,0.0,0.0,0.053118967760744505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745865018809793,0.09109305803197848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186788813544983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791078802343357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221671856826305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942978130941243,0.12315177747737995,0.02839360929847122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941000216147132,0.0,0.0,0.07758867893776646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281706583807379,0.08618779483232615,0.04482432678197373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884029964815432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293633027026732,0.055480383343552465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494046983823776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122250712591347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618158431564085,0.0,0.0,0.11169599163328313,0.0,0.05738469579336451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062994156987408,0.06565700583538925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641325723998857,0.19435761850850936,0.06657418401828245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595182707301349,0.0,0.12081409356419147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861113934791088,0.1117193578121873,0.0,0.0,0.06777836154702102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321589571184663,0.0,0.0,0.06990902008628645,0.10039090251048466,0.0640089693845463,0.04795358886593446,0.06855922205208169,0.04613150970110762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231073052208713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354311123811518,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kenjiin88,2019/02/26,"DAE stay with a SO even if you know they aren't right for you, purely to avoid ever having to see or know they are with someone else? This has always been a huge issue for me. I'm still trying to understand it because I know it's not normal.

I know a person isn't right for me. We don't have a lot in common, won't have much conversation etc. I know in the long term this isn't a person I want to build a life with. But I will keep hold of this person for far, far too long just to avoid ever having to deal with seeing them move on and essentially 'replace' me in their life. That thought is a killer.

I would understand if I thought I was truly in love, but it's as if my break confuses the extreme anxiety and fear of loss I get from the relationship as love, because the feeling is so intense.

I must add that this is usually only the case if I think the person would be generally/socially considered attractive in our society today. I know that sounds terrible, but I'm trying to be as honest as possible. It's as if... If others are going to want this person and find them desirable, I can't let them go and I must keep them for myself, even when I know it's never going to work for the most basic reasons. And then I'm locked in a cycle of feeling uninterested in a person and thinking of my life after them when they are gone, but only when I 'have' them and they dish out love/affection. If they seemingly become uninterested or something appears off, I will become needy and in my head I feel like I truly need them in my life and do everything to show them they are important to me. Rinse and repeat.

Does anyone else deal with letting people go for this reason? purely to keep them to yourself and avoid them replacing you and being happy without you?",5.315457568502262,5.21109755027933,6.484269752593775,78.93725325884543,67.91061452513965,9.388880021282256,28.220803405160947,9.107695989026183,2.119272519287044,1385,40,279,23,21,468,162,358,0.086,0.794,0.12,0.9353,0,3,1,0,0,0,32.0,2,4,17,2,12,13,0,5,16,0,33,8,1,2,7,81,70,36,0,16,16,0,3,1,0,7,4,1,0,6,15,20,1,7,20,1,0,7,9,7,0,0,5,6,51,6,49,53,5,42,0,1,2,2,35,17,0,14,17,208,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781462142055604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234736205156813,0.0,0.0,0.056986772777105725,0.08350649524122017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936342275599293,0.18002093953460285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804607213816755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132129659837805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616577021274906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090894167655726,0.10766010970568447,0.147443033239604,0.0,0.0,0.07324704485858165,0.0,0.0,0.09171028356670992,0.12362671519854575,0.0582236957810401,0.0,0.0,0.07448962520850239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042580444349378486,0.0,0.18527356563890646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675838394316375,0.0,0.0,0.08364262695324684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506494177990223,0.0,0.21732313082170354,0.0,0.0,0.31353230822195965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666787711651626,0.2302637553593491,0.03981683764048592,0.0,0.0,0.14425006764306011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692884801364541,0.22067109721382824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866217202926124,0.059911959311853585,0.06043129982800414,0.06285791013959005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798528049397294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239690143242048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056501915338704925,0.4269765213693338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187912984848627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759137643498825,0.0,0.0875006189466927,0.0,0.13920129944365045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989007366615982,0.0741946403768001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905477980745177,0.0627427673964955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686827468681138,0.06508609414408736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444396095254954,0.0,0.1294039694069102,0.0,0.0,0.07725257593305823,0.0,0.0,0.11066645149904157,0.0,0.0,0.1696889801910652,0.0,0.0,0.08976085832302194,0.0,0.09614175445291973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856319893312441,0.0,0.05933305167156055,0.0,0.0,0.11579068139802155,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrJackpots2,2019/02/26,"I find it interesting that 8 out of the top 15 posts for this month start with some version of ""does anyone else?"" I wonder if this stems from our desire to have closures in what others think of us.",6.821249999999999,5.5042546250000015,6.665000000000003,82.90000000000003,65.25,9.0,27.5,7.1686216300943375,1.2277500000000003,155,3,33,1,2,49,36,40,0.0,0.825,0.175,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,9,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340301707148133,0.342939920699455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29289841142269324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27959907971140746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059099305765892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26715451635382736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205502838459907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369025330668887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446238153774155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026031450309479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36296810305028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blcksbth,2019/02/26,"Not sick enough: sex I am 21 f married to 22 m with an 8 month old son. Diagnosed last year.

Everyone I know with BPD has had a crazy sexual past or would do shit like make out with their girlfriends when they're drunk and just do all sorts of shit. Except for me. 

I want to fucking die and or divorce my husband and cheat on him and do all sorts of horrible things because I feel like if I haven't had these crazy sexual experiences then I'm not sick enough and it doesn't count and I'm just an impostor cheater.

Every time I read stories or hear people I know talk about shit like this I get insanely jealous and angry and just get that feeling where I want to peel off my skin and then just unravel in a puddle on the floor and die. 

When I was pregnant I stopped doing anything like I didn't drink coffee I didn't smoke cigarettes and I didn't drink at all not even once the entire pregnancy. And I was good while I was breastfeeding, but now I feel like I don't have an excuse to be good and pretend to be normal so now I just want to do all the drugs and all the sex and all the things that I'm probably going to ruin my life and my family with.

This is mostly a rant but what do I do???? I always am going to have this feeling, some part of me thinks that maybe 10 years will get bored and I'll have a chance to be a cougar or something but it just won't be the same as being a girl in high school or college being able to have sex with my girlfriend's we were drunk and stuff. I am definitely bisexual and I'm never going to get a chance to do stuff with girls because I decided to lock down someone who was trans when we got together but then changed his mind and decided to stay a man and identify as a man.

I'm so fucked I can't stop these feelings I am about to do something really stupid I don't know how to feel good about myself and my past and feel validated with my mental illness.",3.780893300248138,4.088099508684864,4.890235732009927,87.60919975186106,71.28287841191067,8.38362282878412,25.92183622828784,8.384062270229773,1.373944913151364,1494,42,339,22,26,493,191,403,0.154,0.7390000000000001,0.107,-0.9744,0,0,7,0,1,0,18.0,2,0,1,0,19,18,8,0,18,0,43,19,4,2,7,88,74,45,2,6,20,2,8,5,2,3,6,1,0,4,16,33,4,2,13,6,0,3,13,10,0,0,11,9,41,8,41,54,12,35,0,1,0,5,18,11,5,10,25,228,57,3,0.09255197404607897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701065659039526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616238870066079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128376486842488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165659713755909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790771658693824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939383054530216,0.1921086739751651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813313993212844,0.10733090658639632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191261859783489,0.0,0.061129705978979175,0.0,0.07797902986773059,0.0884373774287419,0.0,0.09053358994850168,0.08724976421589037,0.0,0.3275794126735597,0.1322382975025553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112561728591805,0.1934183459888752,0.0,0.15779825913439668,0.2328846141935531,0.07402226842838204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043128012225182,0.0,0.0,0.0977862420356649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259243347749912,0.07544221159497834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537219635579374,0.22608109769064624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617791613536143,0.0,0.09298089776010432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327062138183373,0.0,0.0934511101844997,0.0,0.07387410268624252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138178803255202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906812839204212,0.0,0.0,0.09711772784355864,0.09856483178940513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022476876787338,0.17670266340226834,0.06416388542323463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978668174208298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257701992467188,0.0,0.05929116450265809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366753884870567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850098140520857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841898726673488,0.14250206260203124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864808990113072,0.0,0.1547551890111749,0.0,0.0,0.21189973483394467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438977093177107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297483810671718,0.05930356788380855,0.0,0.0,0.05396780034952814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376865669401822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574626691647313,0.0,0.0,0.11920087370002197
bpd,Butt_o_tron,2019/02/26,"I base my self worth on how attractive I am and I feel worthless I've struggled with self esteem and confidence forever. Recently ive been diagnosed with BPD. ive known about my anxiety and depression for a while now, but im having issues dealing in general with BPD.

I base my worth on sexual attractiveness and fucking crumble when another woman is mentioned or around. Sometimes im extremely confident and the rest of the time I'd like to tear my own face off and feed it to my dogs. I cry when i put makeup on, i cry when i use any social media, i cry when i watch triggering shows or movies. 

I lack the ability to make and maintain friendships and i constantly feel hatred for others and then victimize myself. I honestly base it on my self esteem. I feel like I'm in a neverending cycle of ups and extreme lows and i never fucking know what i want or who i am.",4.536657032755297,5.564340387283238,6.1296098265895935,76.79399084778423,69.98265895953757,10.159730250481696,31.179672447013488,10.317481424215053,3.3775475915221573,689,29,130,19,12,236,100,173,0.182,0.637,0.18,-0.3538,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,12,3,1,5,0,7,5,1,4,1,32,17,22,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,15,1,0,5,1,2,1,1,7,0,0,1,4,26,5,20,16,3,22,0,3,1,2,8,10,2,3,13,88,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190098633622702,0.1417078497042963,0.10338302624724023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030475963795954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404124662456037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604016158147826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453404162997804,0.0,0.13932515278061267,0.11639734328320832,0.1371659750132367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049951035885068,0.0965452534168798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498726374886926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29195244056961805,0.14105281794404975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427034093154873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204681113737432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020813034365847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422960587222567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358547291668947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334361195145781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229467814177254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775993855307653,0.0,0.0,0.13365859123569773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412794412993295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880220873224847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671903353641515,0.0,0.0,0.07971007270396561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Roadrunner13ill,2019/02/26,"Watch this video if you are a man. [Females stay away] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLZBvgWVlOc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLZBvgWVlOc)

​

All my men it's time to stop crying and whining, and time to start grinding. 2018 we been getting manipulated by these bitches so we need to get with the program and manipulate their ass back, it's 2019. Peace my brothers.",8.647857142857141,13.151600928571431,4.84,72.83000000000003,75.42857142857143,4.942857142857143,26.642857142857146,6.6274283507984215,1.3104,316,11,44,3,8,84,47,56,0.262,0.6859999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,1,12,6,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,6,5,1,7,0,1,1,1,7,1,2,1,5,27,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109029497832617,0.3486675216262732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26959267951571586,0.2206416886688159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151937454043757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998320661743929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127648239220311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309994731846326,0.3058433828289951,0.0,0.2398974504471158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346378959649845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486675216262732,0.0
bpd,b00kfairy,2019/02/26,"Successful self-help ideas Could anyone please share any self-helping practices or activities you engage in that you’ve found to be successful in dealing with your BPD? Anything to help you stop obsessing about something, anything to help with the constant and intense mood swings, anything (healthy) to do to get you out of your head, etc.
I am in outpatient therapy but I only go once a month and I really want to be able to do things for myself when I’m in the moment of whatever shit storm my disorder is currently taking me through....

Thank you.",6.173361344537817,7.53275952941177,6.057563025210083,77.58617647058827,66.45098039215686,9.75014005602241,34.179271708683466,9.957137785484203,3.533009523809524,440,20,77,10,7,138,73,102,0.105,0.718,0.177,0.4569,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,6,0,2,2,8,1,1,3,0,7,2,2,0,0,12,14,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,5,19,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,1,6,49,14,2,0.15704663592499427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679709778761212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981065935491946,0.0,0.3877080003770263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779474026941388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971162159537845,0.0,0.1253889597850372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190818574402654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799890506525044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514851245975036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219353028359016,0.0,0.0,0.08205038540994886,0.0,0.08925322233731936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611751564146054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210601986380613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728653617709397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535312648302702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724954181239096,0.0,0.11944104341340606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239004602598593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060809638249282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32766778373678884,0.0,0.1612061149562068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090217293949798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312980197161516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807952552060408,0.0,0.0,0.14458744247876676,0.17959651493026665,0.0,0.1043348066161476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263017480659368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Aline_inked,2019/02/26,"Attention So right now, I'm in this bubble where I really REALLY want/need attention. And not getting it is upsetting me. Like actually making me regress and want to isolate myself. And its not like I want general attention, but mainly the attention of the few people I talk to and flirt with? 

Is this odd? I just never know... i feel like im the only person i know who's like this... ",1.8501315789473691,4.217317171052635,4.417631578947368,80.31092105263156,81.23684210526315,8.53684210526316,22.657894736842106,9.188382445141503,2.2589263157894743,299,10,57,9,8,105,48,76,0.188,0.758,0.054000000000000006,-0.8774,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,21,10,6,0,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,9,5,5,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.23533427187834266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193613561927577,0.17228248247825018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599448659400886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604907514703542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650669661602664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712681695049764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609740519113894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859950086811527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834106307720048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718777653578404,0.21056883591998135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30898247186967465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594660911374008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383271940363936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267216269451527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Galaxyjumper20,2019/02/26,"DAE ramble intensely when they really want someone to understand them? I give way too many details and lose people because I think the only way they’ll understand me is if they hear every single part. I almost always lose people, and ironically, they end up getting annoyed and understanding me less. I can never summarize my thoughts, even when I try. ",7.677380952380954,8.826633523809527,7.971547619047621,65.96303571428572,62.96825396825397,10.744444444444444,34.79761904761905,10.686352973137794,4.198876190476192,284,12,42,7,4,93,48,63,0.128,0.847,0.025,-0.7512,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,2,4,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,12,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,13,0,2,10,3,7,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,2,4,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769736862451309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470569409420618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773547566837807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565339677733013,0.0,0.0,0.1167312156520104,0.0,0.1489061137469686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923362802711929,0.16953946658867686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991921914193117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954405340507709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918065234723093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630824423266874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344142578417031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138582313382288,0.0,0.2450503638602832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322039913292875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974624149171067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324408420938548,0.0,0.1403071453332043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999086245307147,0.0,0.0,0.5519593374352771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424235961570674,0.2805666272131985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,i_Needhelp_2004,2019/02/26,"I need help supporting my bpd friend that has constant breakdowns they have breakdowns each night and we're extremely close. keep in mind that we've only managed to become so close because we've bonded over our mental health issues like my cptsd, our depression, my anxiety, our abuse, ect. I know I might be doing all I can just by being there and talking to her about her issues but I feel like I could be doing more. It's horrible knowing she has breakdowns each night and I want to help MORE. does anyone here have any advice? I'd do ANYTHING for her to be more emotionally stable, she's an amazing person and deserves more than she gets. please respond.",3.9970346320346337,6.208889626984128,4.236002886002886,85.09435064935066,73.36507936507937,6.486580086580088,25.740259740259727,7.348242739294969,1.3490095238095243,527,18,95,6,11,164,84,126,0.083,0.7190000000000001,0.198,0.93,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,3,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,14,1,0,0,1,20,22,6,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,20,5,10,16,7,7,0,1,0,0,16,4,0,1,5,64,23,1,0.0,0.19675792158255512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227518921111675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292877640754148,0.0,0.12703801254859193,0.0,0.0,0.11611535944654505,0.0,0.13665599219766705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123068026924956,0.18340392939712985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915098313714026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945549238631892,0.0,0.13258807680053986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303012489953798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532316162394415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867989236069007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396662226994224,0.11863569446834578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283001366490765,0.0,0.08676124932289599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651758159965533,0.0,0.0,0.22261753367434745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466539974006379,0.0,0.14760474066564766,0.0,0.0,0.18252815468346104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226033478797597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673528039925675,0.1761669775864362,0.16767664988067152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313387404470985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116784197033909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262986650848911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500011680474753,0.0,0.1822876966307647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844672806922885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334754349156875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794846972460217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,30sandmybackhurts,2019/02/26,"35-Male Hey, So I've been battling with this for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed a few years back, and although my symptoms have improved since that time, I am still completely gripped by this. I don't usually write on msg boards or anything, I'm just going through a particularly hard time right now, and I'm just really fucking tired and lonely. When I say, my thinking is consumed by this condition...its next too impossible to think of anything else, and if i am thinking of something else, its like a poorest attempt at distracting myself  from the mess in my head. I don't allow myself to have genuine enjoyment in anything. All my efforts are directed at doing whatever I have to do, to keep myself in this insular bubble, away from any sort of connection to anyone or anything. I have had moments in my life, where the pain became so severe, that it seemingly triggered a change in myself where I found a way out of this thinking/feeling. The last time was almost 14 years ago. 14 years ago, since I have felt any sense of anything real or genuine. I don't know how this going to go for me. I've pushed everyone away in my life, and don't allow myself to connect with new people. I act totally awkward and standoffish as a way off stopping a relationship before it can happen. I apologize for this being a bitch/whine fest, but I'm just really tired. I just want someone to care about. I just want someone to care about me.",6.021043643263752,6.421584458781368,6.670803289057558,76.46738140417459,66.41935483870968,9.575458570524985,34.33291165928737,9.478462496947786,3.212021969217794,1140,50,208,21,17,375,149,279,0.10099999999999999,0.826,0.073,-0.3337,0,2,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,2,18,11,2,2,11,0,22,9,1,4,2,41,42,19,0,3,10,0,3,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,12,9,0,2,8,0,0,5,4,7,0,0,6,4,29,4,42,35,3,42,0,1,0,1,5,16,1,7,20,146,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193580722250347,0.0,0.10276076188358188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395724862694873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175544589955908,0.0,0.4222443827297659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283284231699274,0.07890971675502878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732346832156754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925922936117208,0.0,0.10856010180356628,0.0,0.1075968507863401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415881769828783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145444603590587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805938726371503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188859122839175,0.0,0.09853288017244052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251934574568882,0.0,0.09487206464089763,0.0,0.0,0.1749667510716005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074798889751473,0.0,0.09192884420477042,0.0,0.10531942239852396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121484042968676,0.0,0.0,0.05639817673976611,0.083650343982485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449694168938359,0.05013575607059531,0.0,0.0,0.09081693365278364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911263201201503,0.10913929225833148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919667423211163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114493296831714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680590793389947,0.1314841174698433,0.0,0.0,0.11017725031675718,0.11625032803380965,0.08763833100748962,0.0,0.08160885745365139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934228987561403,0.0,0.1159332578780664,0.0,0.16977938376654725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739019872544967,0.07900316217444359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195378470433302,0.08579629706084163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666319066999544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972674348215729,0.0,0.0,0.17951853350160524,0.2358969879003128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302325257981925,0.0,0.121057819633308,0.16291258312606008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982549399840891
bpd,Beauty_Nova,2019/02/26,"Anyone else constantly feel like they have something important to do, but don't know what it is? I get the constant feeling that I have something super important that I must do **RIGHT NOW**, but I can never figure out what it is.

It's as if I'm constantly in a rush to do... nothing.",-0.7427751196172245,1.0803765087719306,1.7502073365231254,91.74387559808615,108.47368421052632,4.87974481658692,20.971291866028707,6.574015621080383,0.8729789473684213,219,9,44,4,11,74,39,57,0.0,0.779,0.221,0.8873,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,0,2,10,15,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,5,14,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750132694245486,0.23079713357780976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7302516647068216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816901227705024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277882011376796,0.16091996261791772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768479175084595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379252281537055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004667324394006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372810870582228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613521973883693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923638443278982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34681974919484904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jmosh21,2019/02/26,Where do you live? Do you live in a dense urban environment or out in the countryetc.? and how has that shaped your life with bpd?,1.1998717948717932,3.6262387307692334,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,84.76923076923076,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.5767025641025643,101,2,23,1,3,31,22,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.552097564610714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096257850843493,0.0,0.0,0.7741577050974939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderlinesweet,2019/02/26,"Binge eating I have an issue with binge eating sugar and carbs. I have a lot of stress in my life and I work full time while also in grad school. I have a people oriented job, which I love, but I get frustrated at times and struggle with staying calm. I use sweets and food a lot to stay positive and beat the depression and frustration that comes up but it’s turned on me. I’m not sure what to do now. 

I’ve done so well at keeping this disorder at bay, now it seems to have found a new way to get to me. ",2.371944444444445,3.2947839722222203,3.7694444444444457,92.08250000000002,75.01851851851852,7.622222222222224,21.833333333333336,8.07648339933343,0.7221999999999995,391,9,93,6,8,129,73,108,0.201,0.653,0.146,-0.7857,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,2,2,6,0,6,6,0,1,1,19,16,11,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,2,2,10,5,15,14,3,18,0,1,0,1,1,8,0,3,6,61,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354515228537672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385066371109184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438318068560297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138975050101076,0.0,0.0,0.17089298288909907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417533877899381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192997522997325,0.18310045349642493,0.0,0.0,0.17449508995344412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429849423336494,0.16571591491772653,0.14843206328294525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795289867916192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839448896996881,0.15071872995071348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612839796424035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577270916517696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900698362980215,0.0,0.15202519189777008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559870648883187,0.0,0.0,0.19129122152374994,0.17457853195369635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738999931280367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475125026913565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164166919591945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422931842340397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255217426376895,0.0,0.0,0.15014778576903035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157372177343688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sonsonvillano,2019/02/26,"Caring for someone with BPD Hi y’all. I’m not sure if this is something that has been covered before, I did some searching and can’t find anything. 

I have recently become involved with someone who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I’ve noticed that they can be the nicest, most caring, and selfless human being I have ever met, and from what I’ve done on my brief research of the subject reveals that they might not be showing how they’re actually feeling at the time. All I want is to be able to be there for this person through their upswings and their downswings, however I’m not sure how to do that best. I’m sure it differs from person to person, but from your personal experiences, what were some things that honestly made you feel better when you were down? How can I establish myself as someone that this person can come to at any time? Overall, how can I make this disorder easier for the person that as it as an outside party that has no experience with it?

Thank you in advance.",8.032577319587627,7.345205865979381,7.972907216494846,72.45430927835052,62.50515463917526,10.64659793814433,37.44123711340206,9.888512548439397,3.677803711340205,814,35,144,14,10,263,112,194,0.061,0.7909999999999999,0.147,0.9565,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,4,3,7,9,0,0,5,0,25,1,0,6,5,35,38,15,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,19,10,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,8,2,17,9,25,24,5,13,0,0,0,0,21,5,0,5,5,114,36,1,0.10631486018981183,0.0,0.10374796744230057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722977506209709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874880713230546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741641034529401,0.09046611556207727,0.0,0.11157088666357444,0.09402685425241553,0.0,0.0,0.1338998446809528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679017095503286,0.0,0.0,0.09158083829245847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790734518243304,0.0,0.1110764009338293,0.2436920809301145,0.0,0.0,0.10879701370523252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616787768229863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079926669757398,0.0,0.0,0.10751197543219188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971698561573999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059769129737817,0.07096599472511833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112783265863348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210401729762496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6498102461369489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497309851713932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702407081021982,0.08184637344824199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006014926326256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788043941083936,0.0,0.0,0.07063086905996831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239860998762746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270725906299733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somewhatdamaged81,2019/02/26,"Can't shake self-loathing and intrusive thoughts... Sorry for the long post, just have to get this out....

The last couple of weeks have been really difficult for me. I've struggled with a mood disorder for years - I had to get hospitalized several times between 2011 and 2013 because of depression and anxiety, and because of the self-harm, drug use, and binge drinking that I would use to cope. Things have been pretty good since then - I finished undergrad, met an amazing, supportive guy that I've been living with for 4 years, and I'm about to graduate grad school for education.  


I recently quit my job in order to finish the student teaching part of my program, and I think that major shift might have precipitated my current bout of instability.....I used to work almost 50 hours a week in addition to my classes. Now I'm only working 30 hours a week, and the school gives me a lot of spare time during my work day. I'm starting to think that I've only been stable for this long because I was keeping myself too busy to give my mood disorder time to really set in. Now with all of this newfound spare time, a deep self-loathing has set in, and I've been experiencing these really intrusive thoughts where I imagine myself cutting and burning myself, or I sometimes get more surreal ones where I start peeling my own skin back or smashing against my body until it cracks into pieces.  


These thoughts are getting more and more upsetting and I've starting drinking and smoking tons of weed to try to keep it at bay. If it weren't for my boyfriend, I probably would've self-harmed by now, but I can't bear putting him through that. I'm so relieved that I don't really have any connects for hard drugs these days, because that's been getting increasingly tempting. That said, the drinking has me worried. I'm especially worried because I've been hiding my drinking from my SO, and that's really not fair to him. I'm considering finding a therapist, but I'm moving out of the state in three months, and the thought of going through the trouble of finding a new therapist only to have to get a new one in three months time has me fucking miserable....  


I've had some bumps here and there in the last four years, but this is the most unstable that I've felt in ages and it has me worried. Should I just suck it the fuck up and find a therapist? My graduation is coming up in a few months and I'm worried that this bullshit is gonna seriously fuck with my last semester. I also want to talk about this with my boyfriend, but I'm worried about scaring him. He knows about my trouble with mental illness, but I worry he might freak out if he realizes just how fucked up I've been feeling recently. Any and all advice or kind words would be greatly appreciated. ",8.624293785310734,7.067503986817325,8.293600000000001,73.43233220338986,61.86252354048965,11.509182674199623,39.50741996233522,10.355215969177356,3.9475897702448206,2191,97,415,40,25,702,243,531,0.163,0.7859999999999999,0.051,-0.9959,2,0,6,0,0,0,62.0,0,0,0,4,20,25,6,5,23,0,35,13,2,4,2,79,81,36,0,6,14,0,4,0,0,6,3,1,0,1,26,32,4,2,14,4,0,6,5,17,0,5,19,6,41,6,69,55,15,71,0,2,0,4,12,20,5,11,40,260,67,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582309898899046,0.0,0.0,0.059671117000852085,0.0,0.0,0.047654372807679236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104694832568228,0.0,0.045586446457483824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045821292628482564,0.0,0.1816285886944143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619143328035203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133180081648762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593557700751278,0.0,0.07686167812362954,0.0,0.051325071919288937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365913830021157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23350338493400816,0.13821174981148246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030130666038721162,0.0,0.05721607073974039,0.0,0.16339347164664966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036123382241626,0.18680095669773325,0.11432896677150305,0.033866563083292056,0.04998154935915195,0.0,0.06569855944906455,0.0,0.0590038046853944,0.0,0.0,0.05338123927604296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736896129869548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913421681364715,0.1059332631585618,0.0,0.06205416837100106,0.03274929205649458,0.14572223983494662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261936134627355,0.10547115016125028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066157550095502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600530462155874,0.12643186602512446,0.0,0.0,0.14269332090938686,0.06333510006258554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510544205095576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075991223764331,0.13596341484030605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453053042419142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057071072756824964,0.060624798180344525,0.06424846453874464,0.0,0.0,0.059904749957229414,0.0,0.06338166096389275,0.0,0.0,0.19087548626258116,0.0,0.1176765420505014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668405872334279,0.0,0.059660325256622064,0.12061720949308985,0.0,0.0,0.2486628802340616,0.06732012169167588,0.0,0.04929374445736195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893636928732779,0.06670650611182674,0.12653504659598794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062296761084676015,0.0,0.0,0.06762241085856104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789645748626597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756693055196088,0.03958917356165187,0.07636616654017969,0.0,0.18923229239032796,0.17373803028908744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045792877113318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544007609185,0.0,0.0,0.03514792605075702,0.0,0.1433993272543983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014743018064967,0.36310129284968706,0.0,0.1269938019220586,0.0,0.0,0.1151226742868047
bpd,princelleuad,2019/04/28,"Sick of being the ultimate villain As most people on reddit I follow a multitude of different subs and if they are talking about a situation with some who is faking an illness, true  crime or if someone’s just done some shitty I often see in the comments I wonder or I bet this person had bpd

I know I’m not a great person and I struggle daily with bpd but I’m tired of being this villain, My diagnosis I’m worried people see it and see me as this terrible person , one of the first things that comes up when you google bpd is shit like that

I tell my friends I have bpd to help them understand but part of me is so afraid

I feel like I’m the shittiest person alive",3.4908695652173947,4.552011420289858,5.097797101449277,83.09321739130434,72.47826086956522,7.838840579710146,26.118840579710145,8.238735603445708,1.616417971014493,528,17,107,8,10,179,87,138,0.268,0.614,0.11900000000000001,-0.9736,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,2,1,5,12,3,2,8,0,9,4,1,0,1,24,22,13,0,2,8,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,4,8,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,7,0,2,2,4,16,5,14,18,4,7,0,0,3,0,13,3,1,10,4,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6232975025049408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065761277038996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926386033952905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661125015500782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255790095941591,0.08838750236901015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523844251773297,0.0,0.0,0.09558783031392236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364046838496411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292869980322265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799474549710711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088929718614548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383768524666907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339795982587075,0.0,0.17154744675207145,0.4321194637084869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957728560478245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269995459736016,0.0,0.13906946831824152,0.0,0.0,0.1048298194050777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934180097510267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944359808980424,0.10813906956911154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219584643606039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220101236452173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879966599025774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341719612989155,0.0,0.1256463801537806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gazd11,2019/04/28,"Hospitalisation: what’s enough of a reason to go to a psychiatric hospital? Hi! I’m 19 and have bpd. I’m on duloxetine and lamotrigine (been on these two for years years years)

I’ve been better this week but I had the worst depression episode in January. I was suffering every second of the day, felt suicidal 24/7, self-harmed and basically I each minute was torture. I also abused ambien really badly in order to blackout and survive (as I said: every single second felt like forever and I wish I could die). 

I don’t think I’d commit suicide as despite I often feel v suicidal and self-harm I am very very attached to my family and I would not be able to imagine them going through the pain. I have young siblings and I’m the oldest daughter so I would never do it to them (hmm idk if that’s what I’d feel during my depression emotional blackout though). 

Anyway, I had the worst, crazy depression episode and I don’t remember much. My parents who live abroad got rly worried and asked me to go to emergency unit and get some help (whether it was stronger meds or whatever it could be). 

I did go to the hospital. I don’t remember much except for going there, crying, shaking and suffering. (I don’t really remember my bpd emotional blackouts, I’m a different person, it’s out of my mind). 

The hospital kept me in for a couple hours, asked me questions and looked at my self-harm wounds. I left having been told that I’m just going through a hard time and it will get better over time and there is no need for hospitalisation. 

But I felt like every second was torture. Was that not enough to take me into a hospital??? My episode soon ended as my mum came to see me but I was batshit crazy. How could they just let me go with nothing? What’s a good enough reason to be accepted into a psychiatric hospital?",2.7489332003988065,5.04298132768362,4.47058823529412,81.55519441674976,77.53107344632768,8.006513791957461,25.948487869724158,8.841846274778883,2.236129544699236,1426,55,271,34,34,480,173,354,0.261,0.6609999999999999,0.078,-0.998,2,0,0,0,1,2,47.0,0,0,3,3,11,18,2,1,15,0,32,2,0,3,2,60,64,28,4,8,11,3,6,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,14,21,0,1,14,0,0,9,8,12,0,4,20,9,38,6,36,34,10,34,0,5,2,0,15,11,0,5,15,185,52,0,0.07913783108157951,0.09376538911776844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328649492422828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479663784786933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607678336370629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998196104805746,0.0,0.0,0.19934265579227928,0.0,0.0,0.09051259619857194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955535584415487,0.08756450486616392,0.08692919141684928,0.05103735413820085,0.0,0.20448389384629376,0.0,0.08213257441048029,0.08268218985151396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780388166118368,0.07009262898555706,0.2453116031489295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000311076186932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460410405711164,0.0,0.08002893044123174,0.0,0.2279541849224397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269250089320264,0.0,0.3148309719498621,0.06637705804226447,0.06329375289439124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089195239493135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304442002009797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793482251323297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598348502430478,0.0809237940330131,0.0,0.0773254937204159,0.0,0.06988015471731164,0.0,0.06645584673646175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790428998468226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990664973266799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635082312102,0.05867969899517464,0.06103597402264744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759348832818827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420823190275653,0.0,0.08787319608520228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910010161199258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886524823548432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013954420616766,0.1627337414780361,0.0,0.0,0.2689432068517293,0.0,0.07527819973955067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306260536248873,0.0,0.2476740514131946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596918278405223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950180014875073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070832671151062,0.07775251723293689,0.0,0.09229181142649663,0.0,0.0,0.07561958897569482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730616179009997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059399725289134,0.0,0.0,0.06347959457325884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100460017275988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036830890507994,0.0,0.11243448925011272,0.0,0.0,0.15288650574247822
bpd,Caesura_,2019/04/28,"Purpose You spend all your life scared and alone and being told you aren't good enough

Being ignored and made fun of and forgotten 

You spend all your time trying to make people laugh or smile or feel proud of you, or be glad that youre alive, 

You remember the screams and the fighting and the beatings and the constant constant feeling that you are a disappointment and at any given moment you could be swept up by the wind and no one would be the wiser – that no one would even care.

And then one day you look back and see that you've grown and that your tormentors have also grown, but not only that – they've grown old

That, even they, are just human, like you - just weak, like you

And all this time you spent trying to make yourself strong, to make yourself liked, to make yourself someone who would never be forgotten, never be disposed of, never left behind – it was all for nothing because that feeling will never go away, that feeling will follow you for the rest of your life, and no matter how many people you gain, no matter how many friends or lovers you take, you will never, ever stop feeling that

And all that pain and torment you went through? All that shit that happened to you as a kid? Youre asked to forget about it. To forgive, and move on. Youre told that everything you thought had made you strong had only ever made you broken. Everything you discarded because you were told it would slow you down turns out to be the things integral to who you are. Everything you sacrificed to make other people happy or proud, everything you did to just make the fighting and the screaming and the beating stop

It was all for nothing

And what then

So you move on. You tell yourself youre still strong, youre still you

You can still make something out of yourself, you just need something to hold on to. Something to make you valuable. Something that would make you wanted and needed and maybe then you might be whole. 

Purpose. 

So you go out into the world in search of the purpose that will heal the hole in your heart and finally, finally make you a human being. 

And maybe it will. 

Who really knows",7.681918906176327,6.995676178217825,6.604441301272986,81.97714521452147,63.20792079207921,9.18038661008958,32.109382366808106,7.957251820313856,2.1312629891560584,1672,52,321,15,21,503,164,404,0.121,0.708,0.171,0.9754,0,1,4,0,4,0,36.0,0,46,1,8,18,28,3,1,17,0,34,8,2,15,14,94,73,39,0,9,11,0,5,3,2,11,5,2,0,3,28,28,0,4,9,0,3,9,11,10,0,3,16,9,47,18,41,35,10,50,0,1,2,1,63,15,1,6,29,240,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171308403396646,0.0,0.05537222662407711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708644480529569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647312499426281,0.0,0.06505446187206276,0.05324227033418494,0.0,0.08441768326433824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059609968033949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496504505948277,0.0,0.05528352788999141,0.0,0.0,0.0446548974313922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154475163219473,0.0,0.09146642485994907,0.12526540385107135,0.0,0.0,0.2489183911510369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505235825510618,0.0,0.0,0.15170087557241485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053495641191018864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787028302143329,0.058076300559168736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122983525799034,0.07370863012866691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205125021971751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038053196688764016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523085335021502,0.0,0.09781432758670854,0.10148337573202387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814523636349366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655332004645545,0.462190920876027,0.1403995802042553,0.13912434490212822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345405600343986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718504545542785,0.0,0.1026830635788465,0.2670157187445573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287775127352025,0.0,0.0726570757548422,0.0,0.1407590499809101,0.10532222718929783,0.07367760382550739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440095558484644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443577370117413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843687249351748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932260054933474,0.0,0.055176335485434484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107517892721288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866791187326016,0.21322128076092065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658885270245106,0.11577762104929255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206082539919312,0.0,0.06051993067947309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046000829748879986,0.0,0.0,0.054969842018056915,0.0807502944186299,0.0,0.0,0.19848903101657106,0.0,0.0940205680472182,0.07531462953892219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040840300941600016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418736028682487,0.0,0.07730541640520931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593509352088366,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilsadpokey,2019/04/28,"I feel like I'm made it to be the bad guy Everytime. I know how difficult it can be to be the one who loves someone with BPD, I just read through some stories online about it. It seems like we (people with BPD) are always made out to be the negative influence on everyone's lives. I know it's hard to live with us, I have to live with me everyday, does anyone have any KIND words about this? Or are we just terrible people who don't disserve love or happiness?",4.335087719298247,4.612066315789477,5.366052631578949,84.79153508771931,70.05263157894737,9.701754385964913,28.464912280701753,9.725611199111238,2.320859649122806,360,12,79,8,6,119,60,95,0.16399999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.15,-0.1268,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,4,0,21,19,3,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,2,9,6,14,13,1,3,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,4,3,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358290652226347,0.0,0.0,0.11100904973430606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414146262597374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629889086605632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111910644504126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285274833794884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559831695862404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253923618146315,0.11661895334784708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616336314728008,0.0,0.1737724099076707,0.14623130834885167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998972583732924,0.17942527711487982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950199893585934,0.0,0.4324327137305621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946616155270788,0.30892397122927395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106158997881216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22634063813909014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328454572654189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486079024818609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383130362438015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635806653172144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zombiekikyo,2019/04/28,feelings suck im tired of feeling used and like no one actually cares about me its a very isolating feeling,0.9321428571428568,3.2028992380952417,2.7527380952380973,84.67767857142861,104.23809523809523,5.90952380952381,29.059523809523807,7.1686216300943375,2.4423238095238093,88,5,16,2,4,29,20,21,0.281,0.42100000000000004,0.298,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.3270130714496952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34166076411828056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083158085471638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361969720953334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371484097518774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22707507823048675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38515264241996827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28942218065852765,0.0,0.27649581611305385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Different_Library,2019/04/28,"Anyone else self harm more when you feel like you aren't being taken seriously in therapy? Anyone else self harm more when you feel like you aren't being taken seriously in therapy? It seems like sometimes the omnly way to get my point across is to cut more. I know its not good, but it works. I mean thats not the only reason i do it obviously, but sometimes part of it.",4.4704000000000015,5.197328573333337,5.836000000000002,79.93800000000002,69.93333333333334,8.666666666666668,24.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.5611333333333333,293,7,59,5,5,99,45,75,0.102,0.7909999999999999,0.107,-0.3281,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,1,2,9,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,11,14,4,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,2,8,4,6,10,4,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,38,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368718233302296,0.3424373170903017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27918930675090675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898645848241312,0.2387594655571126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730538314052358,0.0,0.0,0.14015961354476414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091836451197614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449169555716989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820261618045853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709076265529545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809582600391557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579680890984207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181160922899022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212597247507215,0.3486535896085854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305419239282072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821979011639957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326400457834703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165431545473493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mshcira,2019/04/28,"Do I deserve to be happy? I'm in a bad spot right now and I try to keep telling myself that I deserve to be okay and happy. That I am lovable. But I can't believe it.
Last night for example I got way too drunk. I barely knew anyone at the party and was anxious so I numbed it. And acted embarrassing. And when I came home I threw up and lying on the bathroom floor I thought how I deserved this, how I deserved to suffer. And the thoughts won't go away no matter how hard I try to convince myself of the opposite, that I deserve to be happy and said.
What are your strategies for this? Do you have any?",0.3880764904386957,2.5124924251968537,2.5352587176602945,93.04324803149606,85.37795275590551,4.573453318335209,22.457255343082114,5.773587663045528,0.23442002249718816,466,17,101,3,14,157,79,127,0.155,0.662,0.183,0.6042,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,1,5,1,11,2,0,3,0,18,21,14,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,9,1,1,3,1,0,4,3,4,0,0,8,2,19,5,14,9,0,16,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,74,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260984459395256,0.0,0.0,0.20948259992881388,0.0,0.12965664591174073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742171569210644,0.0,0.1548259206130222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089155930467835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208199491768656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538388088235492,0.0,0.14830494255429807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921795805559008,0.16610844588461735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600094775280165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648182952419016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511498241584896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401306207219375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835581410279878,0.1763859556028056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207359121305084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29442068436811064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25178897166966063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718533792201266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,butterbeerstumble,2019/04/28,"Why is getting out of bed so hard? Hi everyone. My boyfriend is the most patient/forgiving/genuinely kind partner I’ve had and deals with a lot with my plethora of mental illnesses, but he’s having an incredibly difficult time understanding why I can’t get myself out of bed on time in the morning. 

I have stuck with a routine for about 10 months now of going to bed at the exact same time every night (10:30pm), but no matter what, I can’t peel myself out of bed in the morning. I can’t even begin to describe why. It’s like another person takes over my body and makes sleepy decisions to turn off my alarms and mess up my morning. 

Can anyone else who struggles with this put it into words? He tells me to “just get up” and I’m immensely frustrated with this because if I could “just get up” I obviously would be doing that already. I feel like the laziest asshole on the planet but I swear to god it’s not a cognizant decision to hit snooze and stay in bed until the last possible second. I’ve been like this since my major depression/BPD symptoms started showing up when I was a teen. 

If anyone can put this struggle into better words for him to understand or can give me tips to get the hell out of bed ... I’d be most grateful. 

We have a dog and my boyfriend makes me coffee in the hopes I’ll get up to drink it before work. Neither the dog or the coffee motivates me to get up, I feel paralyzed and stuck in bed every day and I don’t know how to deal with this or motivate myself to leave the bed. I manage to get to work on time every day/am sometimes late but work through my lunch break to make up the time. Sleepy me just makes stupid decisions that push my time limits to the brink. 

I don’t know how to put this into words that a neurotypical person would understand because right now I feel like I look like a lazy asshole for even asking any of this nonsense. 

Thanks.",4.592321899736149,5.270480654353566,5.360394722955147,83.63282427440636,69.63324538258576,8.385899736147758,28.616464379947228,8.488131031819089,1.931255957783642,1484,51,301,22,25,483,183,379,0.14300000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9519,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,7,13,17,3,3,22,0,22,5,1,8,2,69,56,22,0,6,13,0,4,5,1,2,2,0,8,3,16,22,2,1,13,2,0,5,8,8,0,1,5,5,34,9,61,45,6,51,1,0,1,0,14,27,1,9,22,191,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348256457226012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576075369829771,0.08882864611215181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846617091588035,0.08679816609835203,0.0,0.0,0.07919493371062263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328014422784948,0.0,0.07208426338560214,0.0,0.0,0.07492149392221692,0.0,0.09409670615434716,0.10669267284555653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763619318980621,0.0,0.0,0.1092653593146475,0.1746701360114606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298618986357112,0.0,0.0,0.07076658591463797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190387115885216,0.0,0.2141222954943909,0.08094660959776122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849985056851299,0.12103753133607847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540710906860937,0.08126413538790671,0.04814417632277089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588593474079848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413881961436914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821523507622428,0.09311176261589107,0.06905215223157121,0.0955596088909913,0.08969851161801377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206931716930928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113732769684886,0.0,0.0,0.07201970326037158,0.0,0.0,0.22618552475269865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537047112256614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761686430996268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949712491819709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793571412162515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550083440245262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554789664442092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234417799067402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007521604504524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378302066892906,0.0,0.059960080973719125,0.09029246064228608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712020216647442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880489251926066,0.06369340341896082,0.0,0.07404262860025587,0.07799206731660631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29637991940204833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214308543495554,0.0,0.26456670667002896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932009091596575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850155509185383,0.0,0.0,0.12035493487775767,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,newgirl5446,2019/04/28,"Just sharing a neat new trick I've just discovered for when I want to self-harm Sometimes the urges become quite strong, and sometimes I can be impulsive. Tonight, I suddenly felt a strong urge but I got a pen and drew lines on my arm, pressing pretty hard. With eyes closed the sensation was similar to cutting and it left a mark too, if only an ink one. I know that this has been suggested before, but what I did next was to go to the bathroom, get a stiff nail brush, wet it and add a little soap and scrub the lines I'd just drawn off. It's actually quite painful, like... dare I say it... satisfyingly painful, but obviously a lot safer than cutting and there's no marks except red soreness which throbs  and stings just like after you've actually cut.

​

Maybe someone else might find this useful, let me know if so :)",3.8363449593884416,5.621731478260873,4.1915527950310585,87.06958432871477,72.72670807453416,7.438318203535596,26.67032967032967,8.139509932561175,1.5491238413760158,652,23,133,10,13,204,113,161,0.114,0.6920000000000001,0.195,0.9466,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,8,12,4,0,12,0,9,7,2,1,1,30,17,14,0,3,10,0,4,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,9,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,6,8,9,6,11,8,1,12,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,4,8,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.2967378482197231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647350723412145,0.18474501267413965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791602674492825,0.12937468140576974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700975326480185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598206215721168,0.0,0.13896163336406026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943452634638469,0.0,0.08640772868805888,0.0,0.1216001264333357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361978075263344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711420853565465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651917001600455,0.15547100836789868,0.0,0.14855794423521862,0.15238383350947726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292588108226365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274442628643553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129021344970226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468409974581225,0.1616960644849403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302611115776963,0.11563312789401553,0.3235621582808764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467914769065852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234261091624305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209081606112447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586106821440076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882283897628904,0.0,0.30074252263000145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131358134239424,0.0,0.0,0.08967702009419692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474501267413965,0.0
bpd,FreezeWolfy,2019/04/28,"I can’t imagine living with anyone other than my FP in the future, and it stresses me out because there’s no guarantee it will happen. We aren’t even dating (although have flirted a bit), but when I move out my mind is set on living with her only. The reason I haven’t asked her out is because as a lesbian I feel predatory for some reason (she’s bi).",5.438150684931507,4.72809880821918,6.722020547945206,79.37426369863014,67.76712328767124,8.395890410958902,30.578767123287676,7.1686216300943375,1.8866739726027395,275,9,54,2,4,94,54,73,0.073,0.903,0.023,-0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,2,0,14,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,11,1,10,9,2,10,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007638800558436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273929877147544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29654902740869776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655509038011281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065519855498764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298751773037682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150929448904033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295639949159647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455991963553289,0.0,0.0,0.25852155846446195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184992070557677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001745944876201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27862621488856776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,medeanfantasy,2019/04/28,"Feel like your mood is really dependent on other people??? Basically, whenever I happen to have a ""fun night out"" where I meet new people, or if acquaintances invite me to things it suddenly feels like my world is perfect. Like I'm happy and satisfied. 

But give it a couple of hours, a day or two, and the glow leaves and I feel isolated again. And that sense of isolation stretches until I feel validated by other people again.",5.077541666666669,6.749022337500005,6.4250000000000025,72.74666666666668,69.375,10.333333333333336,27.083333333333336,10.504223727775694,3.1857083333333343,337,11,58,10,6,114,58,80,0.055,0.67,0.275,0.9586,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,15,10,9,0,1,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,7,6,8,10,0,13,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,4,11,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23176792256466705,0.0,0.13508694601639698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236451512353327,0.299282234810954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093694724607414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522831594893105,0.22297831395608628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20627983835397384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179212282276253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070005774873021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230162827723486,0.0,0.19656776657565336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356478732626285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418799660935232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391585685432104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461588342130752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,onethecamden,2019/04/28,"Think I’ve fucked up Big family event - too tense to enjoy - came across as an  asshole - just can’t focus - too many people.

Everything feels bad",4.857777777777779,6.398038666666665,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,69.74074074074073,8.362962962962964,20.907407407407405,8.841846274778883,1.232940740740741,112,2,21,2,2,35,26,27,0.299,0.609,0.09300000000000001,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218258925568542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408401192731676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464081799474231,0.0,0.3633580685129415,0.0,0.1948897983415333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563326177950375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907751678695979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26721522614070364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469740758137461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xofekaf,2019/04/28,"Fucked up again man I've always had a big issue about money (stemming from childhood bs I'm very aware of) My SO quit their job last Sunday and hasn't received their check yet even after contacting the owner of the store. I woke up this morning terrified about our financial security and subsequently screamed at and almost assaulted them over something they have no control over. Did the whole back tracking about every issues we've ever had over our now 6 year relationship and I just can't handle being this person and subjecting them to my shit anymore. I make them cry and beg me to stay but that's not what I want for them and I'm so afraid it's something like Stockholm syndrome that's making them stay. Constant threats and violence towards them and myself has got to stop I don't want to be with them anymore, not because I don't love them but I just fucking hate myself in this relationship but ik id kill myself the second we broke up but I'd rather have that than kill them or have them fond my body. Holy shit I'm such a fucking disgusting monster. Looking for a fucking ledge but Ik I'm too much of a cunt to kill myself even for them and the others I've destroyed in my life",4.159640522875819,5.653843348739496,4.688515406162466,84.99847805788984,71.39495798319328,7.137628384687207,27.507936507936506,7.594959193182576,1.52739421101774,959,34,186,11,18,305,136,238,0.281,0.674,0.045,-0.9967,1,0,2,0,0,2,9.0,3,0,14,2,17,22,15,1,9,0,13,9,3,3,1,31,30,18,3,3,11,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,9,12,0,3,0,0,3,1,7,18,0,1,5,2,33,4,28,23,2,26,0,1,1,5,25,11,7,2,13,128,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664986362005575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693063680389982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310574299470921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895751211751379,0.0,0.07101241325984928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293962984614286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588641658035046,0.13065563070981304,0.0,0.0,0.12796094024017896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388367248167628,0.10537364070487354,0.09814949459049478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307797333870089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931692564912782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501168610342899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431746665745813,0.11560028826831326,0.0,0.3866432585564688,0.0,0.0,0.09495648960234727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228171142261058,0.056912083960110424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782390120341797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051385356583684,0.0,0.1555185662957604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563498913092786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017162799842704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390353120664935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501375230760305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391546312728125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936239327696907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24832984412698886,0.0,0.09739248880415287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611806118194426,0.1374199440674142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300591052659348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501699834075562
bpd,k526e,2019/04/28,"My Immortal is my BPD So it's been a long time since I've listened to music because it triggers too much in my head, but tonight I thought I'd give it a go and I stumbled across Evanescence - My Immortal  and my word, it describes how I feel about my BPD to a tee. Or is it my BPD, is it just me? Fuck, I mean I feel like there are 2 people inside of me and this song describes exactly how I feel about the part I want to reject. But it's not that easy is it...",0.4446078431372555,1.8221585588235318,2.596666666666668,96.63166666666667,81.05882352941177,5.7098039215686285,23.098039215686285,6.42735559955562,0.2937568627450986,351,12,88,3,9,119,61,102,0.114,0.799,0.087,-0.6917,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,4,0,6,2,1,3,1,19,16,9,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,10,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,5,16,1,8,14,2,6,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,4,59,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728339317957535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7269516590402478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918450319839837,0.13744841744079012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786787733767706,0.0,0.1845646830444315,0.10934361881821926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974547742305612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399543000092096,0.0,0.0,0.17026524379204694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957667847415004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143389358448893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834714474824706,0.0,0.1333838180744177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591527428045277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527416850385523,0.1121882070609662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348070422418988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,manlytarts,2019/04/28,"fp’s birthday It’s my favorite persons birthday in two days and I literally don’t know how to fucking cope, I really fucking miss her and I want to use her birthday as an excuse to try to talk to her. But I shouldn’t, and I know I shouldn’t. But it’s so close and she’s.. my baby. Someone come and tell me not to fucking do it and tell me why I shouldn’t please, I need strength.",-0.2222619047619041,1.6786070119047634,2.097619047619048,96.64738095238096,86.0238095238095,4.685714285714286,22.42857142857143,5.82211442006289,0.08077142857142937,295,11,71,2,9,100,45,84,0.028999999999999998,0.8240000000000001,0.147,0.7863,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,0,20,15,11,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,16,1,8,12,0,4,0,1,0,3,9,2,3,0,1,45,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892015887216528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416505108090037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.609164711767815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414183016391652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286129007153272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178236912102312,0.0,0.2411002631710829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407078835126262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861014169322172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653941039274634,0.3839524705232578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912207010331874,0.0,0.21455769977023284,0.0,0.0,0.18969961960519666,0.0,0.0,0.1295501685757812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198192170087946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunflowerfairylove,2019/04/28,"Alcoholism Hi everyone, I struggle with BPD, severe depression and anxiety etc. I am also an alcoholic, more of a binge type drinker. I’ve tried AA and I do okay for awhile then I just say fuck it and go drink so I can get some relief from my brain. I feel normal alcoholics have such an easier time getting and staying sober. Can anyone relate?",1.4134162520729667,4.095225134328364,3.16407960199005,85.6370978441128,88.70149253731344,7.156882255389718,22.369817578772803,8.167268648758528,1.8380693200663352,272,10,51,7,9,90,56,67,0.19,0.7020000000000001,0.107,-0.7184,0,0,5,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,3,1,5,6,1,0,0,9,10,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,7,2,4,10,3,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.61579034446311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359758403884993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693233019861662,0.0,0.0,0.13429917544408182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190429855722906,0.21441262851496065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542882810017032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815458937788027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142078095312719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835302490141693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711590429920038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756478124022748,0.20069634715168647,0.0,0.10915729161489916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818693071545836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274105160325316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698340445635916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472009721132503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007923183601264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199703253159636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040230619634852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,why_are_you_running_,2019/04/28,"I'll Probably Die Alone and Emotionally Crippled DAE  get this overwhelming sense of hopelessness that comes along with the possibility that they'd never be able to form a functional healthy relationship with anybody because of their BPD?

You see, I used to brush off any form of relationship with anybody because I know how toxic I am. But it gets sad sometimes and we all need someone. But I find it hard to control once I got too close to someone until I love them so much I choke them with my affection. 

And it gets scary. Because the love I gave to them is the very same love that drives them away. And I am trying not to do that but it gets so hard. It gets scary sometimes, when you think that I'd probably die alone and emotionally crippled.",5.329583333333332,6.562238347222222,5.431555555555558,81.76899999999998,68.30555555555556,8.815555555555557,31.06666666666667,9.120678840339163,2.515596666666668,598,24,117,11,10,188,82,144,0.18100000000000002,0.743,0.077,-0.9342,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,2,6,1,5,6,0,1,4,0,6,3,0,4,2,28,22,13,2,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,4,19,3,17,18,5,8,0,3,1,3,15,3,0,0,3,76,30,0,0.12389506557101485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566358462695913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425289313111896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640349248013135,0.0,0.0,0.22657584605900286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604149793431354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672462857059732,0.0,0.0,0.13895885104915132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25716703510898425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787305458949299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323784538354525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32365029090300856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909020196677468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197128656136986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808948790194719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354604015924697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107712874364897,0.09186662125223197,0.09555551245688414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194420133561435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967307085564465,0.0,0.0,0.2671596712004033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660338679786816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872832651188487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995177400727325,0.0,0.24507077567671465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938695535442086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411661683702294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700555729546704,0.0,0.10222640443701793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BorderlineHorse,2019/04/28,"To be One of the simplest things that really helped me significantly was trying to not use the verb to be. I found it very difficult in the beginning but I found it to be very valuable. Instead of saying for example the film is bad, I now say I didn't like the film. When I apply this to myself I acknowledge that I could be wrong about how I'm feeling. I used to think like ""I am a bad person"" but now I say I feel like a bad person right now. Black and white thinking was one of my big problems. It has really helped me, it lets me know that I probably won't feel this way forever. I hope this can be of benefit to some of you. Good luck!",2.513014705882352,3.424588977941177,4.464000000000002,87.28100000000002,74.66176470588233,8.381176470588235,23.894117647058824,8.841846274778883,1.4158317647058825,495,14,114,10,10,170,77,136,0.203,0.6579999999999999,0.139,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,7,14,0,0,7,0,15,0,0,3,0,21,28,5,0,3,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,0,2,11,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,5,8,19,8,15,15,1,9,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,3,8,80,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668640542207381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693642659037158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221637947705095,0.10463108381958962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32117175464034403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284373512651828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963381588481862,0.0,0.0,0.14546786918692314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804906092458369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976531670467572,0.0,0.21465893674595504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849023079444306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557665202405987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790869753496098,0.14014248107086946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765210744546426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507607628222084,0.0,0.3494127134611497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730154453474987,0.1876913632204496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943675515170054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25298890518329603,0.0,0.241689747644925,0.0,0.1162531647976463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013106508721975,0.0,0.0
bpd,MendelEatsDirt,2019/04/28,"How to tell FP how you REALLY feel?? It's been awhile since I've posted here. About a month ago my FP stopped talking to me for like three weeks with no explanation. We started talking again because one day he messaged me and asked me to buy his smoking stuff from him. He only asked for $5 but I gave him $20 just to give him a reason to not leave again. Then later that day he texted me and asked to come talk to me because he had to leave work early because he was having panic attacks. Basically he just came over for 4 hours and cried to me about how bad his life has been and he can't connect with anyone so he pushed everyone away but then he got lonely and wanted everyone back.

I of course just listened and apologized for being clingy, and it's been about two weeks now since this has happened, he's been hanging out with me alot but only when he asks, everytime I ask to hangout it's a no. It feels like he only wants me when it's convenient for him, but when I need support he's nowhere to be found. It wasn't like this before, he used to care about me and ask how I was doing and now it's just him always telling me his problems. I honestly can't look at him the same way since all of this happened. Everyday I'm so scared that it's going to be the day he finally drops me for good. He dropped me at a time when I needed him the most, I had just gotten out of inpatient at the time. It absolutely destroyed me to not have him, but then he told me I need to stop relying on him for happiness and ""what are you going to do when I'm gone? I can't always be with you. You need to learn how to love yourself.""

I don't know how to love myself. He's obviously fed up with me clinging to him, yet anytime he hits me up and wants to talk or smoke or whatever I'm always there for him and I let him vent (and he vents to me ALOT) I just want him to know that I'm working on being okay with myself but it's just so hard. I've been abused my whole life up to this point and he's the only one who ever made me feel like I mattered, at least he used to. And I want to call him out on me always being here for him but he's never there for me and I want to tell him how much it hurt me when he stopped talking to me but I'm afraid if I tell him how I really feel it'll just give him a reason to leave me. I cant tell if it's really a big deal or if I should just ignore it and move on like he wants me to. I'm just so paranoid it's going to happen again.

I feel like the only way things will get better is if I tell him how shitty he's making me feel, but I'm just too scared to bring it up. He's probably looking for any reason to leave me anyway and that might just push him over the edge. I just don't know what to do....",3.037345651983536,3.0008740748752096,4.537891671775113,90.69778067256328,72.81031613976704,7.6574305981259325,23.80247832559769,7.273561745256523,0.6471204658901826,2113,48,515,20,38,711,219,601,0.115,0.777,0.10800000000000001,-0.8776,0,2,1,0,1,0,45.0,1,4,0,3,52,26,2,4,15,1,36,5,0,16,4,115,101,56,0,17,31,0,7,6,0,4,2,1,0,0,29,30,1,4,14,1,1,11,12,11,0,4,19,10,81,15,77,70,8,72,0,2,2,2,84,20,0,11,42,335,110,3,0.0,0.06996521762131329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052344728637126726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196539073196383,0.0,0.0,0.04015638279522665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041289500963984725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312256249871711,0.06717849844756615,0.055479913258990085,0.045406209733337366,0.0493047228967561,0.10798995818859457,0.0,0.05024764858250303,0.0,0.0,0.05222539179933725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029718957050643,0.06753807081789301,0.06020594704773416,0.0,0.0,0.05086679969422162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486423031301773,0.11424811295595375,0.06087849968870542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053414581721367774,0.0,0.11285061681925368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914632212390633,0.1265571233072433,0.0,0.06468696516637219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474585414933777,0.0,0.0,0.030851462757632817,0.11329329108877527,0.10067932470447538,0.049528779805485035,0.04722810022964583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665455610052728,0.06286038325887018,0.052897672836204813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581528735573016,0.0,0.06321480968847434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973578748067342,0.0,0.0,0.2501039244055457,0.0,0.06038316391084202,0.08341826607787999,0.17309462628143196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917513963036696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659081089772238,0.05587503574256165,0.03941668482282329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626432766995483,0.0,0.0,0.04713356669711656,0.06276136424698033,0.04340893125210992,0.17514086802302006,0.045543406212070175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002832968594475,0.22455293075044425,0.0,0.06928306943602765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055821834145897566,0.0,0.056554081097488426,0.0,0.06366645479743066,0.056503378696559005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134878376190218,0.18214132758316076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823975649597546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654161663574852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179626642820964,0.0,0.0,0.14810665221808794,0.0,0.0,0.06759872486922958,0.0,0.06700983743547036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731288112476925,0.3096765763252753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03923054577453088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886567348437962,0.0,0.0,0.056425308409626826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768378379275395,0.0,0.0,0.10200139034480807,0.0,0.0,0.2438067123999749,0.09374311836127874,0.09473354060851777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592780376918254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597897283185924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,doitkillyourself,2019/04/28,"How I feel in this hell I am living in. https://youtu.be/ybGOT4d2Hs8

Maybe some of you can relate. Lyrics are ""You suffer, but why?""",2.7423913043478265,5.640734434782607,2.5568478260869583,86.97266304347826,95.95652173913044,4.039130434782609,10.097826086956523,5.985473137389443,-1.2096869565217387,104,1,19,1,4,31,20,23,0.22399999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990428846421768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222402181484124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5941671657295707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336702042104966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sumdoeshardthings,2019/04/28,"How can I get over thinking about my boyfriend when making career and life choices? Hi, r/bpd 

As most of us probably feel, I am so so lost. I am at a weird crossroads right now that could totally impact my future depending on the decisions I make in the coming months. 

For the last 2.5 years I had been living with my boyfriend, but we are now doing long distance (long story) that is supposed to end in September. He starts an internship in California next month and will be there for the summer, and it is supposed to turn to a full time position. After which I am supposed to move out there with him.

Everything is up in the air though. Nothing is definite on his end or my end. 

In the meantime, I moved back home to try and get on my feet and solidify a sense of independence. I graduated from college two years ago with a useless degree, and have only worked at Starbucks and other coffee shops since then. I actually have a great resume with training, leadership, and some management experience, and recruiters actually reach out to me fairly often about positions. 

The thing is, I keep feeling like I'm not ready to leave Starbucks and start a new career. Every time an opportunity comes up I get so excited at first, and then my confidence comes crashing down and I cancel the interviews. Or, I cancel because then I realize I'll be tied down to the job and won't be able to live with my boyfriend for at least another year. 

My lack of confidence, and inability to think for myself is causing me to keep running in circles. Agonizing over my next steps every day. The worst part is that since I just moved home, I don't have a set in stone therapist or psychiatrist right now so I am not in active treatment. 

Part of me feels like I am just waiting for September to get here so that I can go to California and THEN go on with the job search, but my boyfriend doesn't know that his internship will definitely turn full time. He might have to start from square one and move back with his parents in September instead to start a new job hunt if things don't work out. Meaning we would be apart for longer anyway. 

He is fiercely independent and makes his decisions based on what he wants, but I am dependent on him and make all my decisions with him at the forefront of my mind. We love each other very much, but are complete opposites. 
He wants me to think of only myself, take risks, and do what I have to do. He wants me to focus on only myself, and I don't know how to do it. 

Have any of you been able to overcome reframing your minds to focus on yourself without your significant other being an important part? Or have any of you been in a similar spot and have any advice?",5.854985632183907,6.26527101915709,6.43739224137931,77.96401939655175,66.77777777777777,9.896647509578543,31.63817049808429,9.827888789773867,2.89656877394636,2120,80,411,44,32,693,241,522,0.077,0.84,0.083,0.7511,4,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,4,4,0,5,24,11,0,1,24,0,49,3,1,11,2,94,87,44,0,7,14,1,3,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,15,39,0,3,13,1,1,11,8,5,0,3,5,4,57,6,82,71,14,88,0,2,1,1,25,38,0,11,40,302,72,12,0.1460152341122487,0.0,0.14248980554281146,0.0,0.0,0.071342198428838,0.06471684749270834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489430494080875,0.07655485213474356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227670204980644,0.0,0.04450476572521112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919505379293942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499893359032266,0.0,0.1886687926729378,0.0765470974553049,0.0,0.0,0.0582906415354475,0.0,0.0,0.04708387323173529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193989236708776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302413232497765,0.0,0.06561453865172122,0.07141545854425156,0.0,0.0,0.11074453445107063,0.10431331242501378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062100241771980924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257386653421695,0.0,0.08298382246838153,0.0,0.0,0.08049115554390675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646518516906878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734638400426076,0.1297850490737177,0.0,0.0,0.08024615403982555,0.05951095209758658,0.0,0.077304524994716,0.0,0.0,0.0515674390184847,0.071335667872883,0.0,0.12893412684421482,0.1292188873578844,0.0,0.0,0.0796964382969505,0.0,0.06589222480083018,0.0,0.1949326051936014,0.0,0.0,0.07952669789045846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744954439849269,0.1474337621890774,0.0,0.1165479668018058,0.3103821717417616,0.053668998900334434,0.0,0.0,0.1410224229841244,0.1552888579850911,0.0,0.0,0.07005277759167193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049471850769210166,0.16657674786121385,0.0,0.0,0.08106631887185313,0.2371804041943125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871455928428131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246962121181756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207853105374476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670066848187035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489264211615706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476747046375338,0.0970060334268414,0.1403409992735772,0.07172961307772384,0.0,0.1277139858513903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049567379635261526,0.1588226453841465,0.07131783344216673,0.0,0.08781917412772439,0.0,0.0,0.06023893004749601,0.12918535230550618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037673755921371,0.0,0.10630082946676213,0.0,0.0,0.051862516465805863,0.0,0.0,0.14104353520618407
bpd,taydiane,2019/04/28,"Found something while snooping I know I shouldnt have looked... it's an awful habit. But I wanted to see if the guy who I just started officially dating was still on dating apps and talking to other girls.

I looked on his phone this morning and he text a girl just 2 days ago. It's so upsetting because about 4 days ago he supposedly poured his heart out to me and told me he wanted to be with me and only me and that there is nobody better...

So why is he still talking to other girls?! It makes my stomach hurt and I want to scream at him but I cant because I snooped...

I'm feeling very triggered to self harm and to never talk to him again but then I'll be alone and that almost feels worse. 

Ugh. Idk. What should I do?",1.1020750551876404,3.1050715695364235,2.5585165562913907,94.64912141280355,81.64900662251655,4.821368653421634,20.00044150110375,5.6839178017228535,-0.2259592935982342,561,15,125,3,15,182,95,151,0.16699999999999998,0.813,0.019,-0.9690000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,3,1,10,2,2,2,1,29,24,16,0,6,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,10,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,6,18,1,15,17,0,17,0,1,3,0,19,4,0,2,13,79,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898663973450717,0.0,0.16372198683901698,0.16933705749846872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933659634621215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460277629628862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088840441853868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653413831208113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792696989166031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189105583554142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374870657768103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503051042904608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985551859174958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27459823729470106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109137755819543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610155239349605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434938673794516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028861358446636,0.0,0.17056652720465973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587056032553154,0.0,0.0,0.11572639201177184,0.0,0.2611431876297559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942461735092036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623159479121235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490491509770172,0.28931023460907945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753363852831886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662082883520973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Reciprocity187,2019/04/28,"What's 'protocol' for someone having an episode? This is partially an 'arm-chair' diagnosis, however, my wife checks many of the boxes for having 'Bpd.'

\- Unstable Relationships.

* Her closest relationships, me and her sister, are in a state of chaos. Her sister is set to marry in October and she has been almost completely blackballed from the planning (bachelorette party due to drinking, abuse, etc).

\- Black & White Thinking.

* She's never wrong, everyone else always is. I love you, I hate you. She can let stuff fester for weeks and explode and then be completely 'lost' (i.e. sleeping, distant, toxic) for days.
* If someone wrongs her or she feels wronged, she's done. Past friendships were lost due to this line of thinking.

\- Fear of Abandonment.

* Pretty straight forward; she hates me, then she can't live without me. Wants a divorce, then wants more children and family vacations.

\- Impulsive, Destructive Behavior.

* Has been an alcoholic or mis-used alcohol for (4) years. She claims not to be an alcoholic and is loosely in recovery (use of alcohol has 'stopped' as far as I know), she claims various reasons for using with no purpose.
* Has used/abused/mis-used sleeping pills, weight loss pills and other supplements/substances almost obsessively.

\- Distorted Self-Image

* Was anorexic as a 12/13 yo girl and felt she did not get help from her parents about it, or was completely denied as having a problem. When she cried out for help, she feels her parents downplayed it or completely dismissed it.
* Now using hair extensions and other items to 'beautify' herself, when she doesn't need them, to an obsessive extent. If I tell her I don't like them or she looks beautiful al-natural, she is very defensive or hurt. Any input of my preference is a huge slight that often she brings about later to insult and justify insults at me.

\- Problems Regulating Thoughts/Feelings/Emotions

* This might be one of the biggest markers, because she has zero accountability around our son when she's bad off. She'll scream fck, not worry how she treats me or behaves in front of him. She gets bad...all bets are off with her actions, behaviors and words.
* My only 'trigger' when I engaged her in any confrontation (emotional/physical/mental) is about our son. If she's losing her cool, I ask her to leave, call my folks or anyone or dismiss her, only making things worse. If she's attacked me in her state, I've defended myself, often resulting in her faking an injury or hysterically playing up what happens.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today the light dawned for me, after four years of seeing her abuse/misuse alcohol. I'm asking, parents and loved ones, when someone is episodic, as my wife has been since Thursday, what do we do? I remained calm until Saturday morning, when after preparing a nice breakfast, she went off on a rage-filled tyrade in front of our son. I asked her to go and she broke down in tears, then rage. Later, she was flipping me off, unregulated emotions and at one point, a physical altercation. She turns into a viper, a mean horrible spider. 

I often distance myself, take our son elsewhere, visit, go to church, but I don't think I can stick it out. She last left rehab 1/19 and I've on again, off again found alcohol, too. That's part of the problem, but there's days/nights I can tell it's more. I've known her for 14 years and only the past 4-5 has it gotten REAL BAD to the point I've ventured every option short of divorce (Al-Anon, therapy for me, Marriage Counseling, rehab for her twice, GP, etc). 

Her counselor has told her she has ""emotional blackouts"" though my wife has no real diagnosis for anything. She isn't on any meds. When I searched emotional blackouts, it linked to BPD and she has long checked ALL those boxes. 

Thank you",4.515514860329798,6.982963537555232,4.947907482073443,79.41435210893553,72.6818851251841,7.928158574567227,29.83512397691881,8.747414212480816,2.6950822134769075,2938,127,498,59,61,932,343,679,0.124,0.823,0.053,-0.9892,4,0,7,0,5,0,249.0,5,3,2,5,21,39,9,3,23,1,49,18,3,8,2,86,89,52,0,11,20,12,5,1,0,2,10,1,0,2,20,24,9,3,13,2,4,9,12,29,0,6,16,12,94,10,77,67,9,81,1,7,4,2,96,35,0,22,37,336,114,0,0.0,0.07110261052945976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847977421269876,0.120183662419239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049933530011083735,0.0650213343203234,0.0,0.12242756086094647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196072571213783,0.0,0.04938351509100867,0.05342205370372565,0.16830510510457886,0.06827058892211811,0.0,0.0,0.15031874245138022,0.03658183403709468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116220761270935,0.0,0.06127741371802292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516794028235943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591869877690101,0.038701797623692004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141156030665872,0.0,0.0587874280706395,0.0,0.0,0.05013105898825857,0.27001486914916395,0.0,0.0,0.13385510538569212,0.0,0.0,0.05056142098418558,0.057342589135779214,0.0,0.0,0.05657254350013562,0.06752847838527035,0.06068620762726432,0.0,0.057619475521482715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579839822545183,0.0,0.0,0.06270600207643358,0.0,0.06821068197607415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053067072795935935,0.0,0.0,0.11849585784295308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044752489029858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642424642670488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032980192585724565,0.048916553936383535,0.0,0.06354243770507394,0.06520156643268543,0.06136478570433612,0.0,0.02931809122604625,0.0,0.05299035679746189,0.05310738990258704,0.050393692516684616,0.06713638148641575,0.1310170644253074,0.0,0.1083236095155276,0.0,0.04005746404576202,0.06084121173791481,0.0,0.06536900973054426,0.06665811930668074,0.0,0.0,0.06366164012474003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044497013481162966,0.04628378477444119,0.0,0.0,0.05631577399365186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199397108534553,0.13692203172852413,0.0,0.0,0.19990362209378365,0.06498550617147579,0.11457359457361185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345860892760992,0.0,0.0,0.061052236366188485,0.0,0.1722657857281998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366101374725538,0.0,0.06170077226353631,0.0,0.12885760299588375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047820586148587314,0.0,0.06260402259148963,0.0,0.0,0.04964129247956951,0.0,0.12010764566788032,0.0,0.1525400650048737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501714516989601,0.0,0.0,0.06869764677471342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512041555615593,0.0,0.10490361613551744,0.055249590986079816,0.06862721839678287,0.0,0.03986829901912416,0.11535688505192487,0.058959995820579314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056882921971420176,0.057342589135779214,0.0,0.0,0.06527417412607474,0.0,0.0,0.14437044666410911,0.1554893712416817,0.0,0.049514934089886185,0.0707914765389801,0.0,0.04813679047224383,0.07307660256925066,0.0,0.05563031986886489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784796507770204,0.0,0.0,0.060943559460004834,0.061155810014798875,0.0,0.19683613088592136,0.0,0.11593435248654528
bpd,t_tomorrow,2019/04/28,"Anxiety I don't really suffer from anxiety, not diagnosed anyway. I only have BPD, as far as I'm aware. But lately I've just been getting randomly anxious for no reason. I was buying some clothes today and just suddenly got so anxious in the changing rooms I had to literally hype myself up to leave the changing room cubicle. Like I felt my chest get tight and suddenly had this overwhelming sadness, idk. I had to sit down, close my eyes and breathe. For no particular reason (well maybe I felt like my thighs looked too big in the mirror but not really any proper triggers). This hasn't really been a noticeable thing before and I'm worried it's a new symptom. I've been going to therapy and doing really well otherwise. What the hell?",4.1201063829787214,6.243060390070927,5.7300886524822685,74.90875,72.75886524822695,9.522695035460991,28.77127659574468,9.928628108626363,3.287897872340425,589,24,101,17,12,200,92,141,0.159,0.78,0.061,-0.8708,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,6,0,11,6,4,3,0,20,20,10,0,0,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,6,4,2,0,10,5,11,4,13,10,1,16,1,3,2,0,0,9,1,2,7,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980264704003638,0.0,0.22054764733967244,0.3256953680644286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266044134448575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815510032953009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30498170206871844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630851012174356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27681187660545103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506241245005021,0.0,0.08192337187838059,0.0,0.1152893673923516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260669459260402,0.15263330033842928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084813819150213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104911115878365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481735172310845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922029689245327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641149390071011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096320419683813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693829434087617,0.2964189868737553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498263215406584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484729285276875,0.0,0.09576639294847783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663668607882076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25921507342336264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463906162669781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IodineSky111,2019/04/28,"I used to be so nice. Now I've hardened to a person i don't recognise I was so nice as a kid. Would cook breakfast for my classmates. I'd volunteer at a charity shop. I'd do anything for a stranger.

That led me to being dragged in the bushes by one guy, assaulted by another. People using me. People cheating on me. People using my illnesses against me, people being unbelievably cruel towards me. I was an easy target. 

I did construction at college. It toughened me up. I could joke more, could take banter. But my life experiences made me harder.

I don't help strangers anymore. I smoke a lot, something i never thought I'd do. I did drugs to numb the pain, but then i stopped, which hardened me further. I'm still polite, but i feel like I'd go apeshit rather than hide if the right situation happened.

I know one thing. I won't be abused or hurt by anyone again. I won't role over and take it anymore.",1.081260673028627,3.5701048232044243,2.8738849824208934,89.11194249121046,86.40331491712708,5.279859367152183,25.354344550477148,6.782984794422108,1.1548541436464088,707,31,140,9,22,234,111,181,0.154,0.7440000000000001,0.102,-0.7996,0,0,3,0,1,1,28.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,3,0,9,0,17,7,0,5,1,21,29,10,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,0,3,5,1,2,1,3,3,1,2,5,6,0,2,6,1,26,4,19,14,2,17,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,3,7,94,31,1,0.0,0.17460147046883093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452331933282146,0.0,0.0,0.2922896872102598,0.10303987936199638,0.0,0.12126747931761668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353152847906589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708946990326465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414963125407151,0.0,0.0,0.07451133657397123,0.10527640532924118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374998671652019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459128830543728,0.13031292205238965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877454594725643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775551198532442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098704223281482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408709081697452,0.07199428827280638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252830487938172,0.0,0.13943876307157874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136556987191356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971443693578644,0.0,0.15680499226996147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086527631942575,0.12867199149406866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584749410015064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564257754981546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344750489134545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768456015190605,0.12320235750788427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215977963567295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790166045937183,0.0,0.0,0.11699003774792018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818238551146182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468269443123096,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,so_fucked_throwaway,2019/04/28,"Screwed up...again Aside from BPD, I struggle with treatment- resistant depression. I take a lot of medications for it, including adderall. It’s the only thing that really helps but every single month I fuck it up. I’ve went through my months supply in 6 days. I do this every time even though I know it will bite me in the ass. Taking it is the only time I feel functional and feel good. When I run out I’m left with suicidal thoughts and feel like a loser. I don’t know what the point of posting this is. I just feel so alone. Anyone else ever dealt with this?",1.6181563421828893,3.95217900884956,3.0152433628318605,90.21690634218292,81.92035398230087,6.5985250737463135,20.921091445427727,7.793537801064563,0.8992011799410036,440,13,92,8,12,143,78,113,0.24100000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.073,-0.9713,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,1,6,0,5,4,1,0,1,17,17,6,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,4,11,2,12,14,2,16,0,2,0,3,1,6,3,1,8,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702425023700712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493453516862295,0.16842119225895774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070240417934905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600801212507267,0.0,0.14157559343392806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731387778785778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856786638562696,0.14868622720160274,0.2769853628437807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324509262607224,0.11742923987935695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196165968019054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378696073216752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017682275283047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806719517015138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859347289694402,0.0,0.0,0.0803051217515568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397453982553489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559010625612208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26240445889126457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500285652671502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553871180331051,0.0,0.15742541980582805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530257135191128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184001092962972,0.0,0.17979912229224113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471784698929447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920317363341532,0.0,0.16149720001677687,0.13049506357318333,0.1916962904905373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523768916503813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,davidbowiessexdoll,2019/04/28,"Homeopathic ideas? Hi, I was recently diagnosed after years of being treated for bipolar and anxiety disorder.  I'm relieved to finally have an accurate diagnosis and ready to start taking on this monster. I'm on an SSRI for my overlying depression, and doing intensive DBT. I'm trying to establish yoga and meditation practices and journal frequently. What else? Everywhere I look online I just see psychotherapy as the treatment, I'm wondering what has worked for others that I can do at home.  Any supplements that have helped? Habits at home? Also, I'd like to do TMS, any experience with that would be helpful too.",5.086839032527107,8.13117369724771,6.678215179316098,64.83231859883239,73.49541284403671,10.936113427856547,34.67973311092577,10.637119530657019,5.207488073394496,499,27,72,19,11,170,79,109,0.07200000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.10099999999999999,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,11,2,0,0,0,10,20,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,3,16,16,0,11,0,1,2,0,3,5,0,1,7,50,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741503092352386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847268059735087,0.0,0.1601501791697778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031059892860865,0.21248319256811785,0.0,0.0,0.2399302441926287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488288019568327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047819165370279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293298312482731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28064228327441626,0.0,0.4199849995542294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363277197297869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022765594609049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579908082686999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067052902560011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682276431203025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481771590634469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740318252472582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213313484695597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702831263291434,0.15240739212078844,0.0,0.0,0.14871437829836304,0.0,0.0,0.13481285445028732
bpd,Thisismyaccount91,2019/04/28,I'm in intense emotional distress. I'm on the second day of a complete emotional downswing/meltdown. I'm having sporadic waves of intense emotional pain.. it feels like my heart is breaking. It's visceral.. it's like I feel it in my bones. I am agonizingly sad. I need someone to talk to desperately. Please someone help me,1.879872495446268,4.7027376065573785,4.076284153005467,77.90965391621133,90.96721311475409,6.645537340619308,33.00728597449909,7.793537801064563,3.2584083788706746,258,16,43,6,9,88,41,61,0.183,0.56,0.257,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,2,7,9,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560244558993194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261637023579845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6939288493346777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794859859370216,0.14690436354919542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436762730037907,0.13783156597969545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009239404559399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524743752624245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880816996661825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22572344838033884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34846460162176657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528013683919507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway_2785628,2019/04/28,"I’m a horrible mother and person I’ve always had big dreams of having a few kids and just having a happy family. I just didn’t even stop to think of how difficult it could be. I’m a young mom. We actually tried for a baby. After getting pregnant, I left home and moved in with him. I went through emotional abuse living with him. Not because of him but because of his elderly father. His father had beliefs that a woman should do nothing but clean and cook all day every day. I’d constantly be fussed at for not washing dishes right away, or other stupid reasons. I went into preterm labor because of the stress. I was not supposed to do anything but rest, but I continued to do housework. Thankfully, I didn’t have her early. I stayed one night there after being discharged. After a few days of being in the hospital with the baby because they thought she had an infection, I left her father and moved back in with my parents.

I was breastfeeding at first, but I switched to formula because I wasn’t producing enough. We were in a routine with her. My mom had her, then I had her, then my dad. Eventually, it got to the point where it was mostly my mom and my dad. I couldn’t handle being alone with her. I got tested for ppd, don’t have it. Depression meds don’t work, I’m not even depressed. After about a month, I stopped keeping her. My mom became her primary caretaker. I went to a psychiatrist and found out I had BPD. Things only got worse.

I barely hold her anymore. I’ll spend days locked in my room only coming out to eat. I have no motivation to be a mother anymore. I don’t even feel like she’s my child. I love her, but I wish I would’ve never became a mother. She doesn’t deserve to have a shitty mom like me. She deserves so much more.

Her father and I got back together two months after she was born. He tries to be supportive, but he’s constantly trying to push her on me. He’ll make me hold her, knowing it makes me uncomfortable. She’s almost 5 months old now.

I feel so ashamed. A relative of mine has a problem with staying in peoples business, especially mine. She considers my mom her daughter, but me, she’s never liked me and she’s admitted it. She’s always sending me rude texts about me not doing anything around the house, and about me being a shit mother. Yes I admit it, but I don’t want it rubbed in my face. That just makes it worse.

Due to my mental health, we gave my parents custody of her for right now. Until everything gets better. But I don’t think I’ll ever get better. I want to be a good mom. I want to want to take care of her. I want to have a bond with her. I want to get outta this lazy slump. Adderall is supposed to help with that. It doesn’t. I still don’t do anything but sit on my ass.

I’ve tried to get a job. Jobs never really work well for me. The last job I had, I could barely go into work without my anxiety acting up so bad. I wanted to cry every time I knew I had to go into work. It wasn’t the job itself. It was the point of having to be around people. I had panic attacks just by thinking about going to work. I don’t know how I’ll ever get a job and keep it. I’m not good around people, especially coworkers. I feel like they’re always out to get me, or don’t like me for some reason. I doubt I’ll ever make it anywhere working.

Another thing, this is the one thing that’s terrified me the most. Sometimes when I hold her, I have thoughts of hurting her. I know I never would do it, but the thoughts are there. I never want to see her in pain. That’s another reason why I try to stay away from her. They’re horrible thoughts. It’s like an overwhelming urge, except I know I will never do it. But at the same time, I don’t trust myself. I have to focus really hard at something else. The thoughts aren’t like hitting her or just abuse because I want to see her in pain. Like I said, I never want to see her in pain. It’s just like I want to throw her to the nearest person or somewhere just to get her away from me.

I don’t want to be like this anymore. I just want to be normal. The bad thing is, I don’t even know what normal feels like. I’m scared of myself. These bad thoughts aren’t mine, but at the same time they are. I have thoughts of killing myself just to see what it feels like. I don’t want to die though. I seriously hate my life.

Then again, I don’t hate my life. I hate the negative factors in my life. I’m happy when I’m reading, writing, or playing video games. I like going out and doing exciting things. My brain just has to mess everything up for me.

Right now, I’m in the process of finding a good psychiatrist and therapist. Most of them are just jokes around here. Hopefully something will come up and maybe I’ll be at least halfway decent.",1.5060282961283562,3.5014580973360694,3.2335420299965136,90.372915940007,80.21926229508195,6.0384373910010485,21.96084757586327,7.125416948008024,0.6445996163236831,3677,113,785,46,94,1222,339,976,0.17800000000000002,0.688,0.134,-0.9971,9,1,2,0,2,2,127.0,3,0,3,11,47,57,8,6,41,1,83,17,4,11,11,165,174,45,2,24,38,20,7,13,0,5,9,1,3,5,37,39,3,7,30,7,1,15,38,27,1,4,37,12,152,30,121,115,14,118,1,4,4,2,84,48,2,12,64,541,189,16,0.0,0.09111246840068853,0.037521053588046464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038501505299566134,0.039821967364107855,0.0,0.0,0.09597890586699392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806350657418691,0.029413674455702556,0.0,0.1143943754523506,0.0,0.0,0.09492170381803784,0.13691241836933354,0.0,0.043741726425681936,0.10837338928270866,0.05913040779656596,0.09631089189023534,0.14063033014925838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801071334881635,0.0,0.0,0.04842565470498747,0.0429222298850462,0.0,0.0,0.03920171075298115,0.0,0.0,0.06624148165833899,0.0,0.08310025206542006,0.0,0.06139741089269729,0.0,0.04223484422443563,0.09918669052460376,0.0,0.06623279830585033,0.0,0.03990439148737029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934331998361304,0.03211952763723277,0.04325038323114043,0.0,0.03972849310484295,0.0,0.10158182526243964,0.1043390106116438,0.06479053071907682,0.0,0.06911165641717393,0.0,0.03624665848145652,0.0,0.09720582221987854,0.10987299394607199,0.0,0.0,0.03514204152531705,0.032705027429587766,0.0,0.0421577663217336,0.0,0.0,0.1607057347171631,0.0,0.08740668675673294,0.09674856032129092,0.12300594312701245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186017106854923,0.03444309693171367,0.11388242312343028,0.0,0.04086989851871483,0.0,0.0,0.025771812437336627,0.0,0.038567868350838835,0.03818891510786965,0.0,0.044365428235125064,0.04116086211130508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077540998636047,0.06835116045911223,0.042538547999908034,0.0,0.10565388290386454,0.03134138072857889,0.0,0.0,0.08355073909434113,0.0,0.08147381360119328,0.24419755707023824,0.0,0.03395151157811252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034702071328811375,0.0,0.10266105280534034,0.0,0.03862757540605387,0.0,0.042708599190341284,0.0,0.03874793691379217,0.0,0.0,0.3152201869141314,0.09206979737159936,0.08173122318703596,0.02826472218254559,0.0,0.207581753498686,0.0,0.0,0.03608214339986138,0.07534446788395734,0.03689322210800402,0.0,0.04034616190973493,0.0,0.05210859701127631,0.058484980116889726,0.12273857028441384,0.045112069177426564,0.08538698422639304,0.0,0.0,0.07996788745553028,0.0671450402312038,0.0,0.0,0.07269419395241351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036790868956391984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845979017361557,0.0,0.04926332145443893,0.11859711523876405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850669469206493,0.03657417016856808,0.0,0.03849454215862714,0.0,0.12255672785910775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394677413998402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920043042475346,0.038027425134690124,0.0,0.0,0.12294578638562392,0.030705728706917183,0.06429081539339797,0.04404364086708657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363190670627379,0.0,0.0,0.028909152603355387,0.0,0.0,0.035399028076363435,0.0,0.04464269973107692,0.1277203153133213,0.07391044060007189,0.03777632576430859,0.2136716192084964,0.06726043717749709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052304341554474,0.0,0.03755946244958447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174982103200311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034570614901836334,0.1069288959314387,0.034694589745283166,0.0,0.0442148954724842,0.03706383528634632,0.0,0.16794966223788446,0.0,0.0783664167321004,0.05462668019263404,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WacoFlamingo,2019/04/28,"A poem; that you get when you mix Borderline Personality Disorder with heartache. It’s intensity begins;

Stone within.

It is buried underground;

Awoken by it’s tempest sound.

It tastes like the sun.

It feels like the night.

It weakens your internal might.

It reflects the sweetest face.

It will find a sacred place.

It will let you go; with tears in its eyes.

It will let you stay in eternal reprise.

It is all that you want.

And nothing you’ll keep.

Disturbing sweet longing sleep.

It will leave you full.

It will leave you hungry.

It will leave your beating heart muddy.

All it will show.

It’s void you will know.

Expanding infinite space. 

Torn away without a trace.

It is that which lives, 
and never dies.

It’s the father of lies.

Life’s powerful arc.

The lightness in the dark.

Encircling above,

The lunacy of my one lost love.",1.4823870967741968,4.16036278709678,2.1299354838709696,90.83490322580644,95.32258064516131,5.576774193548387,21.038709677419355,7.087006719466742,0.9682851612903228,652,23,124,12,25,201,96,155,0.129,0.759,0.113,0.3187,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,11,0,3,1,6,0,1,10,0,15,7,4,0,3,15,24,3,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,10,1,1,0,1,23,4,1,1,4,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,6,12,4,11,11,3,17,0,1,1,1,14,8,0,1,9,79,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548644969939535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175596890119438,0.0,0.18966971636456315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367841009928273,0.11822848205350675,0.0,0.0,0.1512579234106898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646344470338786,0.0,0.09405368439897988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611041614870986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709809312455546,0.0,0.0,0.09095081693988492,0.0,0.0,0.5257006857621952,0.0,0.3384563250589476,0.1168928470740472,0.1617033824891109,0.0,0.14613365971523362,0.14645640666379908,0.0,0.0,0.18065554061841832,0.0,0.14936420934635186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556229127613682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763867358759245,0.0,0.0,0.1553042978148527,0.0,0.15879533236467808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214257672098947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450240953392476,0.1729053269150563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561286696288638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639389113071696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761226540544604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952968341380427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NeuroticWoman,2019/04/28,"I don't want have sex, I want to feel valued. Why is it so difficult for me to tell the difference between the two?",1.5876000000000021,2.764483159999997,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,77.4,8.200000000000001,24.5,8.841846274778883,1.5726,89,3,21,2,2,31,21,25,0.214,0.677,0.109,-0.1987,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550627277681482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022991561034155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806946492791763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254743726631539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138037624584338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930210350186511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Boredaf4,2019/04/28,"FP Am i the only one who desperately needs a favourite person? Like, if i don't have a favourite person, i feel really empty. I still feel empty even i have  a FP, but having a FP makes me feel better.",1.09,2.9408134761904776,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,80.90476190476191,6.104761904761905,17.642857142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.1591714285714283,154,3,33,2,4,54,27,42,0.131,0.72,0.149,0.4033,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,10,2,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,2,0,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812449352166844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100358344912479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823706823840879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553586141326479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122673011634943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579278385400854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215484859208932,0.2418531380454929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5553302284330542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371878148008726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539550096075652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadmotelvibes,2019/04/28,"The real me/all of me Hey, so I’ve noticed so many of my BPD (and other mental illnesses) friends say to their significant others or potential dates and friends that they can’t care about you because they don’t know the “real” you. 
They only know the mysterious, goofy and exciting first month you. They only know the one that will definitely drive us to the beach at 11 pm.  The one that is sooOO infatuated with you. The overly confident person who is just living it up. 


But it’s also....The one that sometimes spends an entire 24 hours in bed. The one that either ate an olive or 6,000 calories today. The one that just snapped at you because you she feels like this first date “isn’t going how she meant for it to go and you’re ruining the scenario they had in their head.  
and .....the one that is sooOO infatuated with you, the person we’ve been dating for a week. 😖 

Please just fucking stop it. That’s insane, I know. But just because you have this stronger and sort of confusing part of who you are does not mean you’re not also that exciting and witty person. 

Having a mental illness does not negate your personality in its natural state. 

You may say “I’m only like that if I’m manic....or just met them....or on drugs or any other excuse” 

Listen, did you or did NOT come up with that zinger that showed just how cool you are? 

It’s hard to take a look at ourselves. Sometimes we feel disconnected from our body and we’ve suddenly gained 50 lbs and can’t recognize who we are. Like our brain and body aren’t even friends. 

Smoke some weed if it’s for you, if not take a bath/meditate/ go on a long walk. Really push yourself to relax! I know that sounds stupid af, but it’s incredibly difficult for some people to shut off the brain and just zone out. 

Really think about some things you like about yourself. If you don’t get anything at first, push those pesky bad thoughts out of there.
Keep relaxing, keep digging. 

Do you always hold the door open for strangers? That makes you a pretty cool dude in my book. 

Do you maybe donate $5 bucks to a charity every month? You’re a caring person. 

Do you help your loved ones run errands, help with the dishes, pet any dog you see, make sure to help a friend smile, tell a corny joke, make comics online etc etc etc.... 

I could go on forever. There’s good in you. Find the things you like about yourself. 

Wow, I went off track!!! The point is, yes you have this part of you that is so awkward to talk about and sometimes you feel ashamed. But there are so many other parts of you!! 

Maybe better phrasing would be “they don’t know all of me”. 

Remember that no one knows “all” of someone right away. Everyone’s got their shit lesssss be honest. This is just ours.",2.480018656716417,4.596586785447767,3.18669552238806,91.30905074626871,77.60074626865672,6.302925373134329,20.981194029850744,7.327094020958105,0.4959474328358216,2111,55,447,27,50,663,254,536,0.064,0.741,0.195,0.9971,2,0,2,0,0,0,84.0,6,28,9,5,26,33,3,3,29,3,33,13,6,5,3,86,73,31,0,6,26,0,4,5,4,3,3,4,3,5,38,22,2,4,16,7,3,11,14,9,0,11,10,12,53,24,53,57,12,50,0,1,2,2,69,24,2,14,19,279,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512286982802367,0.05468968890341302,0.0,0.0,0.08939250793608519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408728517060134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061752182854566275,0.0,0.054878857681358,0.12019873955802303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058129722175105376,0.0,0.14601458406644854,0.08278018904789204,0.1467449568162581,0.0,0.0,0.13402503474251798,0.0,0.0,0.05661753473335095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247723868382858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503535495579745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762218392988405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199071666889605,0.04341171405055176,0.0,0.05537738636795396,0.06280445944950995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969983541499024,0.04695500383796046,0.0,0.0,0.06007280353186442,0.16772070733566782,0.0,0.0,0.20312043304557528,0.060763063107934875,0.034339368207852584,0.0,0.1494154719817764,0.05512824529544941,0.052567462887701734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887800779921053,0.0,0.0674543210787682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321652036714633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472733410135705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168414143064827,0.0,0.0,0.2528508460069404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605531681856306,0.0,0.058037677838734286,0.05816585832405696,0.05519368179698055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059320705986378335,0.0,0.1316187888040021,0.1332726503299351,0.13206214821688375,0.07159539502402693,0.0,0.0,0.13247364697411748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049244837741918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483002258320615,0.0,0.0,0.3563036607676148,0.14996382826517715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352608847962173,0.0,0.04556645908494427,0.28694909536220004,0.0,0.0721479275969031,0.062132759533400285,0.0,0.0,0.06686744984749418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962222614279586,0.0842121203723349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445527875221829,0.05613004689882749,0.0,0.1045366552186328,0.0,0.0,0.0523754875544466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067467277712109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568982537766499,0.0,0.1950154805855417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495027258516845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061946420842878915,0.0,0.0988362524905068,0.05282844751595223,0.057447832448667614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733149328638161,0.042114868539277296,0.0,0.05217947605901911,0.0,0.0,0.06230100907833992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906085162769716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272181027761178,0.0,0.0,0.06092909687238725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669019903761109,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,silverninja888,2019/04/28,"Can people with BPD ever feel real love? I talked to my girlfriend who has BPD and was just wondering if people with BPD can ever feel real love, or if after DBT therapy they can feel love?

She tells uses words like ""I love you"" but she tells me that in reality she actually doesn't think that she knows what real love is, and I kind of can believe that based on the way she acts regarding certain things.",10.619259259259259,6.259821049382719,10.236296296296297,69.76333333333334,60.72839506172839,13.269135802469135,36.876543209876544,10.504223727775694,3.5311283950617276,319,8,64,5,3,105,54,81,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,3,23,20,6,0,2,5,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,12,8,7,19,0,7,0,0,0,5,17,2,0,4,4,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.12006741924315495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862178474360834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648864700942462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225899778485136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663525290347385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281252284383963,0.06761851195632154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011019180533935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552333621262788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059822776709846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201328201782998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889334943832018,0.21508141298699493,0.0,0.14070476925294167,0.0,0.08174103431614704,0.07883783466750613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626539835041804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766190227012653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342955110670754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LMWacc,2019/04/28,"Is the recovery/cure of BPD basically finding who you are under all the different identities you have created based on your fears and projections? Title, at least that's how I feel at the moment. That I have to basically destroy all the projections I have built about myself based on fears of what other people could think of me and try to find my inner self?",9.920833333333334,7.883241573529414,9.735294117647056,65.63715686274513,59.735294117647065,13.772549019607847,37.37254901960785,12.45797560212912,4.6461901960784315,289,10,51,8,3,95,48,68,0.134,0.8370000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.8156,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,2,4,0,6,0,0,1,2,10,8,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,0,11,7,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,41,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316923286062664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027129435275416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751548380562538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5927057720732843,0.13316257972193218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814119976909682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258045909369908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747416085202053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875026471198176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880395204164354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,littlelolitaa,2019/04/28,"Paranoia Is it just me, or do others with BPD experience paranoia? Thinking that everyone can read your thoughts or that someone is always looking at you?",7.125555555555558,9.229078037037038,6.7194444444444485,70.93250000000003,64.92592592592592,8.362962962962964,43.12962962962963,8.841846274778883,4.478496296296296,125,8,18,2,2,39,23,27,0.149,0.851,0.0,-0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,16,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015695170192028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45646596516611704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463159305274241,0.0,0.35452458404554515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043486312643523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36252654401134377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30708446288086466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222952661419266,0.0,0.2877277181302713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deeptimediver,2019/04/28,"I was wrong about him (advice?) My new boyfriend, he isn't what I thought. It was so perfect for months and now he is telling me he's going to kill himself and that I'm the only person he has in his life. Now, I feel trapped in a position i can't walk away from, I said I love him, we're supposed to move in together in a month. And of course feeling trapped only makes me want to abandon this entire thing even more, I almost cheated on him/put myself in danger on purpose two nights ago because I destroy everything I touch... a friend and I were discussing running away and starting over somewhere else. Just a fantasy but if I'm desperate enough I will go by myself.

​

What can I do? I can't take care of him, I can't be responsible for his life, I can't even take care of myself. I said in my last post i Want to be murdered so duh I am not okay :( I feel awful for feeling this way, I don't know what I should do.",0.9818743286788418,2.8704954795918383,2.701525241675622,94.06753490870035,81.44897959183673,5.3508055853920515,24.091299677765843,6.339386263674448,0.5260755102040817,718,27,162,6,19,237,113,196,0.21600000000000005,0.701,0.083,-0.9805,0,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,5,0,5,3,19,3,0,1,1,22,40,9,2,4,4,0,5,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,8,5,0,1,6,1,0,5,7,7,0,1,6,7,34,6,24,30,2,27,0,1,0,1,17,11,0,2,9,108,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352523926615398,0.12112512280701003,0.0,0.13682748979334752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480518363141462,0.16603530740334962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567598106545961,0.0,0.0,0.0832958560685573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786317904300606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414707829618635,0.0,0.0,0.14118798583361447,0.0,0.1805018537735289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280525643667195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763617379457476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556947446636904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531389548309388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511744202465463,0.0,0.07509501497240921,0.1113816828298755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302894457770706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332497842894632,0.0,0.09120977248554037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813310349158468,0.14522910233522726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196995036276096,0.0,0.1282295086738406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078451987200105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931075467603178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308655178185847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736321649934585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599561682849993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671609798738456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547595487465314,0.0,0.11943136177692334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077904878765104,0.0,0.0,0.10847869478980766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334796373538686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611902955628806,0.10846026925210203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493968655839756,0.16603530740334962,0.0
bpd,crybabykiddo,2019/04/28,"feeling like a baby who doesn't understand object permanence yet peek-a-boo! when my boyfriend's not in the room with me, he clearly hates me and is only pretending to love me. 
when his back is turned where does his love go?? 

stupid brain. lmao.",2.3081250000000004,4.7590885625000015,2.65816666666667,93.1035,80.04166666666666,6.34,22.1,7.554174236665415,0.8357450000000002,193,6,40,3,5,59,40,48,0.10300000000000001,0.5539999999999999,0.34299999999999997,0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,6,10,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,3,10,0,8,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,5,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317453528264315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364437242857951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637427826179232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238858250145468,0.21530847407421044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128322141391386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975538679215291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472407829807547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440208558392815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292157767432576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278187666667369,0.0,0.3137509127687884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brbillin,2019/04/28,"If I go to the ER for being in danger to myself, where will they send me? If I feel like I might hurt myself should I go to the ER? Will they send me to the hospital I’m being treated at, or could they potentially send me to another inpatient? Will my insurance cover it? What should I bring if I go? I don’t know if I really NEED to go or not. My mood swings/switching are horrible lately and my psychiatrist has asked me to stop smoking weed because she thinks it is the cause. I’m having a really hard time quitting as it is the only thing keeping me sane and calm. Could they send me to addiction recovery or substance abuse for this problem too? I just don’t know what to do or what to prepare for. If anyone has any advice to offer I would greatly appreciate it.",3.69751438434983,4.542298670886076,5.471311852704262,81.41920023014964,71.78481012658227,8.78342922899885,27.02186421173763,9.095868883498916,2.0716632911392403,602,20,124,12,11,207,87,158,0.136,0.816,0.048,-0.9356,0,0,0,0,1,2,14.0,0,0,4,1,3,8,1,0,6,0,20,1,0,1,0,28,34,12,0,12,11,0,2,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,4,0,0,9,3,3,2,0,0,2,26,4,17,23,0,15,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,10,4,93,35,0,0.0,0.21146440000859185,0.0,0.1945647466581828,0.0,0.17440428952900658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136952735956558,0.1871472268951156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479428843144807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668505924245759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087970684657629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334360331354896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849964858686037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024262533496732,0.12750300342965012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405727183034189,0.0,0.0,0.1967699777293289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598790803267835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106181981428427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863731265421327,0.0,0.0,0.19617104309886,0.0,0.2013282492739057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719416241326766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189334406040736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233739503938072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573873529080074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077704437649427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983076829838516,0.0,0.0,0.2286720774149193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921359218850125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185712573513618,0.11435995716949725,0.0,0.0,0.10407055691145137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678394465832835,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,riottbratt,2019/04/28,"DAE plan for unrealistic disasters? Well, not really ""plan"", but almost.. fantasize about disasters that could happen and how you'd handle it? The one I've been attached to lately is about being cheated on by my SO while heavily pregnant. I dont even want kids! Or have an SO!! Its almost like I want to upset myself, like I'm certainly not daydreaming about my world being shattered. So does anyone else do this?",2.3610389610389646,5.250606727272731,4.1168961038961065,79.26105844155849,85.62337662337663,7.2358441558441555,21.985714285714288,8.238735603445708,1.939972467532468,326,11,55,8,10,109,60,77,0.242,0.623,0.135,-0.8818,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,9,6,1,1,2,0,9,0,0,1,1,12,13,8,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,6,4,8,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080452972420076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737809730368845,0.2599238826231254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254185923492693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219960048857998,0.0,0.29730963415828626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191606456377546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755243791215932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432730231108935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861607068604342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24786927060929015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189930271217335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251311862169598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992526273245725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280876836761021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Unbreakablecurfew,2019/04/28,"general question: what do you think about the BPD diagnosis as a whole? I've heard from friends that when they read the diagnostic materials, they have said that at certain times in their lives they felt the same way as someone diagnosed BPD. Which I can see why people think that, but I replied with ""It's the intensity of these and also the frequency"" this shit doesn't turn off and will never go away. It will get better definitely but really, it's always intense and it's always there. I'm just becoming each day more comfortable with it's presence in my life and in my body. 

But Borderline Personality Disorder is somewhat vague.

\- fear of abandonment being the biggest indicator for BPD, I think this trait is the biggest one that differentiates from all the other disorders 

 I guess this topic would be a lot easier if BPD were changed to it's more attractive term ""emotional dysregulation disorder"" but that isn't a personality disorder, right? I dunno, what do y'all think about the diagnosis? I think everyone I've met with true BPD transcends this diagnosis in remarkable ways. People with BPD imo are some of the most resilient and depending on the level of mild to malignancy, pretty self aware and empathetic beyond comparison to someone who is neurotypical.",6.910966157205241,8.578453860262012,7.6145824235807895,65.96196097161574,64.9825327510917,11.66386462882096,34.39983624454149,11.45678717892309,4.5687923580786025,1030,46,170,34,16,342,140,229,0.1,0.727,0.172,0.9573,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,4,1,7,9,1,1,14,0,16,4,2,1,4,39,31,15,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,3,21,11,0,1,7,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,5,4,14,6,27,21,11,21,0,1,1,0,15,13,1,9,5,119,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990448704948793,0.14546994981942574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212779338495335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654126386012138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731007377610097,0.0,0.09709661292169568,0.6605649175353745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247181656033823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056374429736795774,0.0,0.0,0.0887227897111402,0.0,0.0,0.4007334480165218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832834133924873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352727678421858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836440924471958,0.0,0.0,0.08393059944761759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753539788511184,0.0,0.04566990844333872,0.0,0.049679065760050406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629574637646823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174268954778012,0.0,0.0,0.07718765869876608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743157708276978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741862479076245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923360130997653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120292964625172,0.1526520678396612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889308823007485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792304522629812,0.0,0.08743708363962722,0.0,0.055999280533421056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465059017025129,0.0831501878102527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696571849198965,0.0,0.09119126990277586,0.0,0.08972862801036402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813022830407688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28005497635396354,0.0,0.0,0.05097147301617594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508070861920692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876942128760048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887702277382683,0.09759397101079273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209599146793115,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TylerLees,2019/04/28,University special considerations I’m in the process of getting diagnosed with what is probably bpd (I fit 9 out of 9 criteria moderately to severely) I want to know what sort of special consideration unis offer for this sort of illness for other people eg like more lenient deadlines for things if you are having a rough patch etc because I feel like there are small things my uni could do to take an immense amount of stress off of me,9.15341463414634,8.139661048780493,9.097682926829274,66.34945121951222,60.463414634146346,12.102439024390245,41.23170731707317,11.20814326018867,4.656868292682926,354,17,62,8,4,116,63,82,0.065,0.75,0.18600000000000005,0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,11,12,1,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,16,11,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,2,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248388203662975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335705179314332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281517987454124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27053843677053346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29726909169500965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347735954320944,0.19042041537266893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925921037808472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648663367206596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604416865202301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478933780859635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28738151874075035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011209521108341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053273816330774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004093143945718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541624505898573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721565397042092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Yungpupusa,2019/04/28,"I don’t cut myself I’ve never cut myself but I indulge in drinking, drugs & reckless driving. Also impulsively meeting guys I met online only to discover I don’t like them in person. Also with my ex I would threaten to cut/ kill myself but never actually hurt myself. I don’t mind hurting others but would never slash myself. Relate or na?",2.2486363636363653,5.023149545454551,4.791136363636369,75.40670454545456,83.84848484848484,5.118181818181818,23.40151515151515,6.6274283507984215,1.317733333333333,274,10,41,3,8,96,43,66,0.264,0.616,0.12,-0.9004,0,0,2,0,0,5,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,11,6,6,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,0,13,1,5,3,0,6,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.20024769798184264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282001710051197,0.0,0.22233644417866305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010199860747782,0.2379693470424589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031823906890088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393462920968062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270257761414637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025140550318316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071956753025032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747936459985868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606548210911744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917460267534052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915394401518142,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,transposedminds,2019/04/28,Silent torment my brain is going crazy I am crying and feel terrible having bad thoughts and my boyfriend is facing the other way sleeping and am feeling resentful towards him for a small tiny detail of a friend he left out that he was with when he was with another friend yesterday and I snowballed a storm in my head and now I’m hurting so bad I’m scared and I want to wake him up with me crying so he hugs me and makes me feel ok and then my brain says of course you always want to be the damsel in distress and then I get more upset and go back to just crying by myself I hate living like this please please please take this silent torment away,2.4558771929824594,4.430139293233083,3.0167105263157907,93.1748903508772,77.1203007518797,5.636340852130326,21.60964912280702,6.42735559955562,0.24542656641604002,518,14,109,4,12,161,82,133,0.245,0.595,0.16,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,6,14,2,3,5,1,8,7,6,1,0,22,22,15,0,2,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,14,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,3,4,16,5,16,18,1,17,0,1,0,1,10,8,0,0,7,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689496699400208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731101480022835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199049987906622,0.10802447170996204,0.2345986011608318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136559601548993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462949291754639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310066310169495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707708338406875,0.0,0.07339773536362727,0.0,0.159681989566163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138700081772742,0.1441783779394171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503923463541055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263761553437544,0.0,0.0,0.06863398813252533,0.0,0.12405103359335405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377498319172303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626317931714903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117194950864207,0.14065022499790902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405866886734997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562741080035316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152958179110628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572365926550586,0.11151063804811076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xnalabeans,2019/04/28,"Newly diagnosed... This is my first post. Newly diagnosed with BPD, feeling pretty down about the whole thing... just wanted to hear some of your encouraging experiences/stories. TIA!",5.745000000000001,9.517446862068963,5.547844827586207,68.20038793103453,80.3793103448276,8.417241379310347,27.9396551724138,8.841846274778883,3.5471999999999984,145,6,19,4,4,45,27,29,0.0,0.659,0.341,0.9086,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,5,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644204514079807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.587359059830378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630174781799565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24611708260442494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261133387432241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771129480988357,0.29436833302985616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222825274742852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706634366062512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32304384952637943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lemma_not_needed,2019/04/28,"I screwed up a good relationship because I was afraid of not being good enough It's a complicated story. But now, we're done, I'm pretty sure. And I'm trying to avoid him just because I'm not ready to be just friends and being around him makes me sad. But he's in my fraternity. And I'm the president of the fraternity. So I can't just completely withdraw. 

I don't know what to do. It seems like any choice I make will just make things worse, and I already messed things up.",1.8633333333333333,3.7222137171717233,3.4797979797979792,89.70636363636366,78.49494949494951,6.824242424242425,23.12121212121212,7.793537801064563,0.9345030303030306,374,12,84,6,9,124,62,99,0.156,0.68,0.16399999999999998,0.1999,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,2,4,0,9,1,0,3,1,20,18,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,10,5,9,12,1,5,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,1,2,52,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23365962492581424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439900108210838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849290233644805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258148670535343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200466758363727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668285729727813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187833378440341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358928744412884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551938219392909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636640280762335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344514527296822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42401295727594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541502860626915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273288079817682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275954111558255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956182041275816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813404155148753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437571116964092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157804750142343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Uncreative_Generator,2019/04/28,"How do I become the person I want to be? I just can't do anything. I had goals of what I wanted to do today. I didn't do ANYTHING. All I did was sit around and watch American Dad and eat junk food. I could have done my school work, I could have read, I could have exercised, I could have watched a documentary, but NO. I did nothing. I wasted my entire day. I am so far away from who I want to be and I hate it. :(

​

Why am I like this? How can I be better? How can I bridge the gap between the me I am rn and the me I want to be?",-2.2230772970345143,-0.4229829917355339,0.8387749149246488,101.72629071463295,97.92561983471072,3.8387943607194943,14.555663587749148,5.5289334501034215,-1.1050947010209042,402,9,106,3,17,140,67,121,0.109,0.758,0.133,-0.4884,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,6,3,1,0,5,0,28,3,0,3,1,19,33,9,0,8,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,2,25,2,9,19,1,6,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,83,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713530791545126,0.19865147257831595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26906750662786605,0.1455358003830972,0.0,0.0,0.15359900036670182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055570485800249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445886899045878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221160471573423,0.0,0.0,0.10543393042629988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730132898992453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672853823412103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197686017575108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140702497977155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987023291824014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568677165197861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274829541674794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352866780525238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545496773377427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496412068228965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38570940217085703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475192666284523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901860965319208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865147257831595,0.0
bpd,itsrosacea,2019/04/28,"Drop the discord I have been a part of a couple of BPD discord groups that have all since retired. Can anyone drop a link to one I can join? It would be very cool to talk people going through the same thing.


Thanks 🤙",1.8836666666666664,3.651322644444445,2.433055555555556,97.65625000000004,78.1111111111111,4.5,20.13888888888889,3.1291,-0.6024444444444446,169,4,38,0,4,52,35,45,0.195,0.649,0.156,-0.228,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,7,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,5,6,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22638580836220895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077739121933285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582426508429247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840045675571368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939328019044102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35060872033967794,0.0,0.22445966238510434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678238742396533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602321034349984,0.0,0.29808167291651555,0.0,0.0,0.21509678272461047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671421475605665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999518775726535,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TimeIsTheRevelator,2019/04/28,"Unhealthy vs. Dangerous How have you managed your distrust issues in relationships/dating?  I don't suffer from fears of abandonment, I suffer from coming into states where I fear someone may be a ""monster"", that they are manipulating me.  

Interestingly, someone else with an unstable sense of self can give the impression of or hints of manipulation.  So I can definitely be intuiting that something is off, but they may not be scheming.  So it's often difficult to read the difference or potential between the two.  In other words, I could be accurately inquiring something unhealthy, but not necessarily dangerous.  Thus, wouldn't this be a good reason to not trust?",8.057101769911505,10.098856159292039,8.610785398230089,58.48573561946904,62.6283185840708,11.667699115044249,38.903761061946895,11.45678717892309,5.4122752212389384,538,28,76,17,8,179,81,113,0.24100000000000002,0.649,0.11,-0.9492,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,2,0,5,13,3,2,6,0,15,0,0,5,0,24,17,7,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,9,0,1,0,0,10,4,14,8,0,7,0,3,0,0,6,5,0,5,0,63,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912378591740389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772531218203833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23194822754851305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545689345257896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996352390578896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296765844165952,0.0,0.18620746487771095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23171579493989586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220653207916004,0.0,0.0,0.2282583647455079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315998860142183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762086439530988,0.3418209645431827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168668638069937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrRedTRex,2019/04/28,"DAE have great conversations/potential romantic connections w/ someone only to be abandoned shortly thereafter? This sort of thing seems to always happen to me. I'll start talking to someone of the opposite sex and we'll seem to have a great connection. We'll talk for hours, really in depth and personal in subject matter, lots of joking and some flirting. I'll feel really, really great during and for hours afterward. It's a legitimate high. But it never lasts.

Almost without fail, the next time I try to talk to them, they'll be suddenly less interested and kind of distant. If I try to inquire why, they'll often be aggressive toward me and tell me they're busy and they don't just have time to talk to me whenever I feel like talking -- or they'll call me clingy or overly emotional for caring, etc. 

In the past, this would have sent me into a total tailspin of hopelessness and despair. These days I'm far more mindful of my emotions so I'm able to see it happening, and I can keep myself from reacting, but the pain is still very much there. 

Does this happen to you guys also? I really don't get it. It happens almost the same way every time. Hit it off with someone, have a great conversation with displays of potential romantic interest from that person. Then they're distant the next time (regardless of how long it's been since the first conversation, seemingly), and go as far to be mean and negative to me, or seek to make me the bad guy.

I just don't get it, and it keeps me from even wanting to try.",5.618853960840667,6.422071197952218,6.4126064307526525,76.55396263696784,67.39590443686006,10.127465421232262,31.120711334650625,10.186864033877496,3.166062116040957,1203,46,223,29,19,397,159,293,0.07200000000000001,0.81,0.11800000000000001,0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,2,1,5,2,9,18,1,0,12,0,21,2,0,3,2,51,45,23,0,4,9,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,0,4,15,15,0,3,7,1,0,2,6,7,0,1,2,3,25,11,41,32,8,34,0,4,1,1,22,12,0,13,20,148,40,1,0.08551812512692394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126809849406702,0.0,0.0,0.06838881376715346,0.07115793081976951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140406238650858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732356725417967,0.0,0.08719142805116713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515211596889112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483748759504666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239276068566014,0.0,0.0,0.09537531521198088,0.05648391510568635,0.0,0.07205270878592615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648106719265612,0.06109416567800384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274167354600704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935938149673672,0.0,0.048601921275597794,0.0,0.0,0.3771361394317464,0.0,0.1693527780322684,0.30249358248717384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035459446747417,0.0,0.0,0.16843625387106687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202487786661847,0.0,0.08905396743603998,0.0,0.0697086859305575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041779836249662576,0.0,0.0,0.07568084963886966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270445182581611,0.0,0.0,0.05708401258134632,0.0,0.0,0.09315430876067464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634892790108539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286566180988004,0.0,0.06595685012306839,0.0,0.18189899250892108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504038775333218,0.09099731461118066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163672701120579,0.0,0.14934225654594718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914040309220864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814687365717348,0.2335574678381828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074147682491247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737768970971189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060530169124211185,0.0,0.06829488519462709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34368114804007915,0.07474661072487629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056814442377196364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994652259202168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418358021205066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705614094123024,0.05044080589808028,0.06788030718467944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771668064335833,0.0,0.0,0.08243642090094291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074962245528991,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jimmywatters,2019/04/28,Omg finally i found people like me Its gonna be nice to meet people with Same disorder also does this mean people are gonna reply faster to me also what a blessing,1.105882352941176,3.5459963529411773,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,85.47058823529412,5.752941176470588,17.323529411764707,7.1686216300943375,0.42443529411764747,132,3,25,2,4,45,27,34,0.073,0.6990000000000001,0.228,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472113709086206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204596768758495,0.0,0.2446904221550643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063013746645973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065802218231951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660434226250054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045795345182241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5815434453463857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Galaxy_Sunn,2019/04/28,"Starting to lose reality Life with any sort of relationship involved becomes a rollercoaster. Whether it's a friendship, romantic, or even just having a therapist.
I can't seem to get a grip on anything, I don't know why anyone would waste their time on me. They don't get anything special out of it?
I'm completely functioning and still manage to feel ""normal"" sometimes, but I'm dealing with this everyday, not being able to accept kindness or love of any sort. It pushes me away from friends, my boyfriend, and family.
I'm so f***ing tired of living like this, I want to be a happy person with a healthy brain, but I feel so upset some days, like I want everyone to go away so they can be happy and I won't drag them down.

I try to mold myself into the perfect person that my boyfriend would want because I'm scared he'll realize how he can do so much better than me, and he'll cheat or just dump me. I'll lose the first & only person who really helped me to learn to love (Cliche but true).
It makes me angry at him and sad for no reason. I have to remind myself that my thoughts aren't reality, that's what people tell me anyway, and I desperately want to believe it.
I want help, and I want to fight back, but I'm really a mess- I break down too often and I'm angry because it feels like my fault.

I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone, it makes me feel so guilty to burden them with my issues when they have their own.",5.322239350912781,5.213710006896552,6.077423935091279,81.87408722109534,67.89655172413794,9.030425963488844,28.78296146044625,8.671277953709913,1.9607180527383363,1122,34,231,16,17,369,152,290,0.2,0.591,0.209,0.0737,0,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,0,0,7,5,17,26,3,3,9,0,16,5,1,4,2,54,46,23,0,9,11,0,5,3,1,5,2,0,0,3,14,14,0,0,11,0,0,2,7,12,0,1,1,5,35,14,35,37,3,20,0,3,0,2,26,9,0,8,11,147,49,2,0.10463675319471773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337387836970295,0.0,0.14231316063913213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463289015188798,0.0,0.17221426450014934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196619348115446,0.08045920436542267,0.0,0.12757118708853965,0.11556307301138327,0.0,0.11788978893342225,0.0,0.09254270498517328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680922201727648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970964492712262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748204942798057,0.10787589795933948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911158863238848,0.0,0.0,0.09998490178709926,0.0,0.0,0.09864221847942543,0.0,0.2116299455916113,0.07475251738971822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900396881371676,0.0,0.0,0.08084209595554995,0.0,0.1093367696430343,0.0,0.059467478195481725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277553897659305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027162003664947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921358485333713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896307651489462,0.05750562306831351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390803325785583,0.1533606966131431,0.0,0.09239617010512197,0.0,0.0,0.23412352355998275,0.0,0.0,0.18887751009966566,0.0,0.1396916905503573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692005325724828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252180164452396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958096591726525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254194966930137,0.274094330585728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340659669474631,0.10758400951080503,0.0,0.11234071371940843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475964397709546,0.0,0.0,0.09525737022686062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348842446442708,0.0,0.07406243247363427,0.0,0.08356304626610589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841030586481487,0.09145713434377124,0.0,0.0,0.1214913353361152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306989399785418,0.061014532254318965,0.1202645551091104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104148688234244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703048084742268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441839455239996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866189458882725,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdthrow22,2019/04/28,"Need some useful dbt skills rn, anything helps. I was with my bf and another couple earlier. I left to go out with my friends but then decided to go home bc I was tired. 

I feel like for some reason my boyfriend hates me and is having so much more fun without me there. I feel like they’re all talking shit. 

What dbt skills can I use? I am not texting him because I recognize I am being paranoid and making this up in my head.",0.6860227272727286,2.9532628295454586,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,85.47727272727272,5.3381818181818215,22.43636363636364,6.742157984588678,0.5690872727272729,331,12,72,4,10,108,64,88,0.15,0.675,0.175,0.1243,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,0,0,0,8,3,2,4,1,20,17,6,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,2,16,4,9,14,5,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,3,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164411277176784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985960496002728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582692558038527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283911084940125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087363614172157,0.2949217501915841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947350845769714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23461755351270105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378925604536635,0.2118384070331223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835370743349582,0.0,0.2070482076927992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426739564044085,0.0,0.0,0.20168509206607554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778170723518368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173667405198155,0.15305198744727447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122260593053871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118790969774214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590626054547475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372403921454393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356547633704914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897393852445636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,midorilied,2019/04/28,"DAE fluctuate between not sleeping and sleeping too much? Usually, I have pretty horrific insomnia. I can go three or four days without a single minute of sleep. I have to take melatonin tablets in order to feel tired. Finals are coming up soon, so I was fearing for the worst. However, I've been involuntarily napping in small increments throughout the day and it's worrying me.",5.3624019607843145,7.961414750000002,6.182941176470589,70.91990196078433,70.61764705882355,9.239215686274509,36.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,4.278756862745098,305,17,47,8,6,100,58,68,0.23399999999999999,0.7240000000000001,0.042,-0.9390000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,6,5,3,0,0,7,10,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,2,2,1,5,0,9,8,3,12,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753420337642607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808043619708808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24497946416101546,0.1100785548703714,0.0,0.0,0.2384859781672543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237271794073254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600387559414564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214849869041757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6535888423877885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368760987927852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502207027749436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977209664401006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986054811849206,0.0,0.0,0.22109072938675245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BasedWhiskey,2019/04/28,"I Can’t Vent Anywhere Else I love my boyfriend, he’s such a good guy.

But he has one major flaw. 

When it comes to asking me to do things it’s last minute. He asks me to come over but only late at night when I’m deep into my coping mechanism of choice. (Alcohol.)

I’m beginning to feel like an afterthought.

And not just from him. Others too. I walked into a conversation on accident at work a few weeks ago and she went from telling him “works enjoyable because you have a friend here” to “oh ya and a girlfriend” as I walked by.

I’m trying to be rational but now I’m close to tears because it just

Hurts to hold it in.

And you guys are the only ones that will understand.",0.24921848739495545,2.529899300000004,2.1189075630252105,94.53903361344541,88.14285714285714,5.865546218487395,18.949579831932773,7.285733465282438,0.3793697478991596,522,15,118,9,17,172,96,140,0.075,0.813,0.11199999999999999,0.6486,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,2,8,6,0,0,7,0,7,2,0,0,0,19,20,10,0,0,6,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,7,9,1,1,3,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,1,1,14,5,20,17,2,24,0,1,0,1,18,9,0,0,11,74,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644708545823496,0.1886133514229311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299872786144073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151724367443984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040597502727118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743413504285666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923827574291314,0.12608396681580028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635516902580294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803082275174734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495042416672511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893540937270714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438623074086087,0.19908757925486886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622374049652698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928845306641648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562322032669838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391873882898794,0.2684560792399992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542593974668511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725162604067955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982462647940716,0.0,0.0,0.18373155001940225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156904342828094,0.0,0.0,0.16360731765001252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25697257508937765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayhaha_,2019/04/28,"Non bpd person here, but please read and help me out if you can! So like I have an FP (ima say FP because the way it’s been described is a person who can make or break your day, and I have that) so this person is pretty rude and cold. Dry when texting and doesn’t like to go out. But we have a lot in common and I got attached and now whenever he doesn’t text me back, leaves me on open or gets mad/annoyed with me I literally feel depressed and suicidal. It ruins my whole day basically and I don’t want to follow through with plans I had that day (any given day this happens really). I feel pathetic and stupid and I’m confused as to why I feel this way and why I don’t want to let go. What can I do about this? I’m fairly young not even 18 yet. Please help",0.3442589820359281,2.031986760479043,2.471044161676648,95.93674588323354,82.59281437125749,5.6121257485029945,18.820733532934128,6.6274283507984215,-0.16697574850299413,587,14,144,6,16,198,100,167,0.16699999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.147,-0.8344,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,2,0,1,9,7,2,1,4,0,16,0,0,1,0,31,31,20,1,3,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,10,17,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,4,5,18,2,13,26,2,21,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,5,12,88,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962834255628013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126532098412253,0.0,0.08930801529871663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451776825041594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779341113143408,0.0,0.1261844388354418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676509180111627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223180856792493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654275325677808,0.0,0.1665241995050867,0.0,0.1171733363524166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955378192115247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963982663187784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551275147366337,0.0,0.14981116624519486,0.0,0.1431497686578459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455321027431188,0.0,0.0,0.0977931453135756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38376723189465,0.0,0.32163672823629896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904813284876675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654452672756405,0.0,0.09385477787293303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650656119029787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025256048204112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282474857195776,0.23257750968300775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643957344165378,0.1635674670050237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nythiaXX,2019/04/28,"SO Splitting How do you deal with the constant spiltting and anger rages with your SO with BPD?

Yesterday he was in a good mood and I was the Good Girl. We were physically close and things were okay for the most part.

Today I'm the Bad Girl. 
Everything I do or say annoys him to fits of rage...and threatens to kick me out every other mintue.

I was alone most of the day in his dank dark apartment on a rainy day. I didnt have hiking gear or anything to do anything outside.

He was outside working all day and needed to go to Walmart after work. I needed to get out, get some exercise. I thought meeting up at Walmart after work and getting some things done together-and allowing me to walk around would be good.

Nope he flips out about. Tells me he dosent want me around. U'm with him all day.

WTF!  He is gone 10hrs a day. I get 2hrs of physical presence time when he is awake...if he isnt ig boring me....and the rest is sleeping.

Now I just had to miss a movie tonight because he is splitting.

I asked him while getting ready if he wanted me to bring him a soda aswell or share one with me. I waited for him to respond, while he was dressing.  He ignored me.

Then I went to get the plastic container to put the popcorn in and thought I'd ask him again.  He was in the bathroom putting lotion on his face... then he snaps and says I'm annoying him and starts to rage scream and tell me to get out.

I wish there was some place ..like a 2nd bedroom or up the street to go ..when ge is being abosultley belligerent and unreasonable.  I'm 3.5hrs away from my own home and it's super late at night.

He has NO care for my well being whatsoever. 

Plus I'm Bipolar and his BPD always triggers me into mania or depressive modes. I have to work really hard not to be triggered.

I know its his BPD but he dosen't.. he actually thinks I'm evil and a bad person for asking him if he wanted a soda..",1.5093219412166758,3.5917821584415637,2.889107997265896,92.39456425153796,80.66233766233766,5.714969241285031,22.858851674641148,6.8360192770164,0.5899350649350649,1461,49,316,16,38,474,199,385,0.107,0.8370000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.9625,1,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,1,2,0,5,13,23,6,0,18,1,29,6,2,4,2,63,63,31,0,9,10,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,2,3,5,28,2,3,4,1,0,8,5,13,1,1,16,4,40,9,52,42,10,54,0,2,0,0,46,23,0,12,24,193,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0907923846992864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636007080452433,0.0,0.0,0.07741568098600231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531259035523567,0.16564839963153846,0.2609359747287948,0.0,0.08741295450594604,0.0,0.15536691556755586,0.056715549512922125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35153709058085203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485919139244853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054182029332656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000114369798723,0.095918850825109,0.08013412642296883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521092861845823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838914725720031,0.0,0.08361721615717108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34026229430459565,0.0,0.10575211475185683,0.23410943104729864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334443220046517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332543746736263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113165577331788,0.0,0.10495174595294696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045454026522264886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379740867398288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731055050593521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304545493220261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075188382171553,0.0,0.0,0.0812378350332715,0.09720567615172912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870592529887862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059602996255960175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797627329791493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310592680850427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585329574601421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263991108224485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362160326473895,0.0596154648705754,0.0,0.14772472667511094,0.054251634778249735,0.0,0.08818984237472602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462996997368126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365299657945523,0.08624783978143268,0.0,0.0,0.10698995404690424,0.0,0.0,0.2709332296730448,0.0,0.0,0.06609204817844702,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,staticinmyhead,2019/02/21,"Help: Telling Others About Impulsive Behavior Hey guys,

I hope this isn't triggering (tw self harm/suicide) and someone feels able to give advice...

I am 28 and for the last year I've been descending deeper into a depression. I have been diagnosed with BPD for 9 years so I've gone through mood cycles and depressive episodes but not for this long since the original diagnosis period. I've become extremely suicidal and I'm self harming a lot (I never fully quit, I just went from doing it every other day to a couple times a year when something happened that I still didn't feel capable of coping with... I know that's not great but that's just how it has been.

Over the last two weeks I've been off work because of depression and stress, and I told my parents and my dad sort of rolled his eyes at me. I don't know why as it's been obvious for some time and I've clearly been getting worse; I can't help but feel like if it was me in their position I would be a lot more worried. Also I wanna emphasise that I'm not the type of person that screams about committing suicide all the time, I generally get on with life quite quietly but yeah it's clearly getting worse, I'm not taking care of myself as I usually do, I'm exhausted all the time and my diet and exercise routine isn't up to scratch.

I told my dad that I was feeling suicidal. As I'm coming up to my suicide attempt/ diagnosis anniversary I feel really strongly like the progress I've made in my life hasn't really been worth it and I don't feel any different truly. I feel like I've bought extra time but I'm struggling to see how carrying on with this BS yet again is going to make anything different or better. I still feel terrible, my emotions are still intense, and I don't feel great about where I am with life. My dad really didn't take me seriously and I feel really upset, because how many times do you have to tell people and reach out before you can't reach out anymore? When something happens how can he be shocked if I told him?

Even though I had a bad experience with him I want to tell my mother, who I hope might help, but I don't want her to completely freak out with worry either. I want to tell her about the suicidal thoughts and I really want to tell her I'm self harming a lot, as I'm causing a lot of scarring again where I wasn't so much before, and I feel awful whenever I realise the impact i've made on myself after the fact. But I've always felt really awkward about telling them about the SH as it feels extremely personal, they don't understand it, it's quite gruesome to the average person and I fear they'll think I'm attention seeking. Plus I'm so much older now than I was when I first had to have this conversation with them. 

How can i talk to them in a way that is actually beneficial? How can I break my fear of confessing this to them? Any advice would be really useful. I get nervous visiting the doctor and ideally I'd like to tell a family member so they can support me if I go to the doctor or a therapist.",4.998002743013885,5.274581915309447,6.297572432710442,78.69108863363624,68.60912052117264,10.111366363792216,30.815875192868162,10.064110947511567,2.930883387622149,2392,90,481,56,38,811,262,614,0.21,0.675,0.11599999999999999,-0.9978,3,0,2,0,0,3,48.0,0,2,8,10,33,33,0,7,25,2,48,10,1,13,8,110,107,51,5,13,19,5,14,4,0,4,8,2,0,7,24,32,1,0,20,1,2,6,18,19,0,2,25,18,72,13,68,75,12,56,1,3,2,0,49,17,0,14,35,312,96,4,0.05385816768977296,0.0,0.05255780253112723,0.0,0.0,0.10525915627087548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307035724309139,0.04481431000574908,0.0,0.0,0.0732508018086221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053412830226882604,0.0,0.0,0.04432068299539031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496932036379312,0.06566287826049266,0.059482114792020875,0.09165866772501582,0.0,0.0,0.04763317258403103,0.0,0.0,0.06783247681072904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054911991418437736,0.05532717413248184,0.0,0.04639404253666017,0.05646926412820601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595930381500123,0.0,0.034734062584858574,0.0,0.13916388273616576,0.054664906499596086,0.0,0.11254064421831264,0.0,0.11025223359290792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058318953980649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03557281181061809,0.0,0.04537782916235891,0.0,0.0,0.052683622572717234,0.05077268724374287,0.12121082422581768,0.32678769408985986,0.07695257151788909,0.05171228707073647,0.0,0.0,0.04581172992346316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255467881604513,0.051665662057445605,0.06121767572011887,0.0,0.0,0.11875764002801872,0.0,0.05332805358193714,0.0952531996374719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108299983563013,0.0,0.0,0.10698662575705647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919808089906321,0.08780319004209973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412484984359765,0.10524952100836686,0.0,0.0,0.0476627835877504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315315273416924,0.0,0.101923801008157,0.035950745148449516,0.054603728663748005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713500478318405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918390050436462,0.0,0.041538739173072124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059803121535064764,0.0,0.0,0.03733847210035121,0.14108062386101852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185437261292366,0.0,0.0,0.24152044937489384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291798660827165,0.0,0.16855744479105636,0.0,0.0,0.04455203286792833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563385070718444,0.08292529751918212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903360686545226,0.0,0.06169434912088095,0.056304250731259976,0.0,0.3534725635096176,0.061117610446191614,0.0,0.0,0.08098927874207824,0.043289155077906864,0.3295208871898664,0.0,0.0,0.06253348380573844,0.0,0.034510139158110256,0.05291537630234857,0.042757369129969816,0.18843078417490852,0.0,0.0,0.1543913618059467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052611603935062284,0.05606825197535298,0.0,0.046516164481575216,0.059317162685666815,0.0,0.12706777088174515,0.042750106620786564,0.04320177344614103,0.0,0.0,0.049927061030312005,0.04859861923792005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03920938752583604,0.1093911672532756,0.10977214821573994,0.07651859412098616,0.0,0.0,0.10404868254847152
bpd,blueXcat,2019/02/21,"Jobs I use to be a programmer. I stopped because I was depressed.

Than I went into social work. I had to drop because of money.

I became an hairdresser. I have been hurt in August, shoulder, back and arm.

I'm hurt again.

It's been like every 6 months.

And when you're an hairdresser, you don't have health insurance.

And now I'm wondering if I used to have programming because I was depressed or that I was depressed because I hate my job

I would ear twice as much, have insurance and savings for later on

I have no idea what to do
",1.21222222222222,3.5600354074074083,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,83.81481481481481,6.192592592592592,24.74074074074073,7.492282038375204,1.3519296296296304,416,17,85,7,12,138,69,108,0.248,0.728,0.023,-0.9723,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,4,8,1,0,3,0,15,4,3,2,0,14,22,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,6,0,1,7,1,15,2,11,13,1,13,0,5,0,0,2,3,0,3,9,60,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991235116118766,0.0,0.4119621362355457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365499345869953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234791357527646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680344225820642,0.0,0.1795862672401098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617295785341523,0.19072432273745674,0.0,0.0,0.33531420436450243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825405820248334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485451668826193,0.0,0.12419790934929162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222355329802966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125001495949882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918376257174134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566186197048338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832193922010015,0.1229978297749202,0.0,0.0,0.12001744490535228,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Simbacutie,2019/02/21,"Please help me understand something- BPD and relationships (all kinds) and emotional intensity Do people with BPD have difficulty with all relationships or romantic?

Is the abandonment fear the same as fear of intimacy or fear of being alone in the future? My understanding from what I read so far is that the fear of abandonment is from self or thinking that the other person hates them... ?

How does he push pull thing work and is it all relationships?


A lot of description would be great. Thanks!! ",5.716810344827588,8.579908770114947,5.87653735632184,72.30032327586207,70.49425287356323,10.327011494252872,28.11637931034483,10.411451182825502,3.5526103448275865,401,15,67,13,8,127,61,87,0.248,0.61,0.142,-0.9208,0,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,3,10,1,4,6,0,9,0,0,1,3,20,14,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,10,11,5,5,0,2,0,0,8,2,0,4,1,48,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375097294820906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33443845792901794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618796466047028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934843484079854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5976128698867723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146379447816278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108293598591705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899296521737111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138259574898104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287634781523452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204603471512916,0.11592968566614385,0.0,0.14574164377857954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328059785282868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276360346838734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850811724908174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221287032981263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222368229626196,0.0,0.0,0.0882065210265414,0.08507368642278955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764366069329016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665817700473364,0.0,0.0,0.09431603349868888,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,missbunny14,2019/02/21,"Silly stupid white lies Anyone else tell the stupidest white lies. Not even to people you don’t know but your family/friends/partner. 

For example, I will say things to my boyfriend like “____ said I looked nice today” or “____ said this to me today” when they didn’t. I have no explanation as to why I do it and I have no need to do it but it just slips out. ",0.7325000000000017,2.9611616944444457,2.1783333333333346,95.47500000000002,84.83333333333334,5.822222222222222,17.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,-0.030200000000000227,270,6,62,4,8,87,52,72,0.177,0.72,0.10300000000000001,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,6,10,3,8,8,0,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,4,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166607255835387,0.26620733697136045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703896786879728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160288561989476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278547278636833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269306571216592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181760216451933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264675580576732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012041306067536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942800052166437,0.2066123404811912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708649120189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726070552752924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925413874432589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344392493561703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rubber_traits,2019/02/21,FP apparently has a new bf I was talking to her (we’re friends but she knows my feelings) and saw the hickies on her neck and she confirmed it but of course she didn’t tell me cause of course I’d react poorly like this. I’m just so fucking overwhelmed I feel so ashamed to hurt this much we never even dated. I feel like fucking dying.,-0.09928571428571333,2.2318776428571425,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,94.0,3.371428571428572,21.285714285714285,4.935628992294339,-0.2380285714285715,265,10,57,1,10,85,52,70,0.126,0.7340000000000001,0.14,-0.2211,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,4,8,2,2,2,0,3,3,1,2,1,13,11,6,1,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,3,4,11,3,5,8,1,4,0,2,1,2,10,1,2,0,5,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26283135063749485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655348600773203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898839170369134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881006591972563,0.1827813242245555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976712740630246,0.4730636665321584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27389576319805536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061003297034394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499935537493677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808128053379752,0.0,0.19732948757683866,0.2471042728791023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564482599161893,0.22362666447721347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fortunatevoice,2019/02/21,"Does anyone else get the urge to just ghost everyone and move to a different state? Haha my life is a pile of garbaaaage

I had to put my dog down on Friday :( he was the only thing that kept me from killing myself some days 

My job sucks and I suck and I’m going to be a fucking barista forever and I’m almost 30 and have two degrees and can’t find a job and my schedule just changed and I hate it and it’s making me live in a constant state of anxiety

So I keep having these thoughts of like, what would happen if I just left town and didn’t tell anyone except for my parents? Like no one could really stop me and I could just start over. Does anyone else feel like that would solve all their problems? 

(jk I’m poor and can’t do that also I have borderline so I create my own problems constantly 🙃 )",1.7764285714285748,3.5369175952380942,3.176809523809524,92.23485714285715,78.40476190476191,6.146666666666667,21.91428571428571,7.0316486544052195,0.5074614285714292,628,18,138,7,15,205,106,168,0.191,0.726,0.084,-0.9589,4,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,5,0,7,1,15,2,0,1,1,34,31,16,2,7,6,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,3,3,0,1,3,4,7,0,2,5,1,19,4,14,21,3,17,0,0,0,1,4,6,3,3,9,89,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177007377693292,0.0,0.0,0.1052338306415764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066728619886683,0.0,0.0,0.2760359176042353,0.2696624838420342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920656446760726,0.0,0.0,0.28440774614766856,0.0,0.2101305208743242,0.0,0.0,0.08486575671798559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374853130091402,0.0,0.0,0.23031355747833476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21985595074829925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574150344368953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653671468582897,0.0940091329268726,0.0,0.0,0.12027242489439108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216544012320949,0.0687512291899124,0.0,0.07478659258201621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163661009606072,0.0,0.0,0.12991955492053106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26116890394943204,0.11696474444776694,0.14558671316091756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297476123229222,0.0,0.09294710553596887,0.19286716510828525,0.0,0.11619787721745757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783847798237736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986114601805008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916993789156759,0.10008141350426444,0.0,0.0,0.14611700404384456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25183095980176506,0.0,0.1322859989589288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430100916887176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314127874787888,0.0,0.0,0.11001654898493916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501694123303215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742367468857966,0.0,0.0,0.10446910659010952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854596461867318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695792860996066,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,natalya97,2019/02/21,Grandmother died suddenly I was supposed to have therapy in an hour but I just found out my grandmother died suddenly. She was found dead on the kitchen floor after my aunt and grandfather went out for a few hours. I cancelled my appointment because I dont feel okay to drive right now. I have been extremely suicidal for the past 2 weeks but seeing so hurt this made my family makes me feel bad for thinking about killing myself. This doesn't feel real.,5.781550387596897,7.158519093023255,5.641860465116278,80.14248062015506,67.37209302325581,10.38449612403101,31.77519379844961,10.504223727775694,3.4481612403100765,366,15,68,10,6,114,64,86,0.37799999999999995,0.622,0.0,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,4,1,7,1,0,2,0,15,17,4,5,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,6,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,7,4,12,1,11,10,1,16,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,0,8,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516146143879586,0.11069159914504358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769099512424213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281447684143268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118073690298466,0.0,0.2754421782748127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981938091661683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576462854645545,0.0,0.19438886239348085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089520795779114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181867172767842,0.12120837759048107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334197063888118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668174483717291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507129294775027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446985175066101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862284619709664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765652540857024,0.0,0.0,0.1163513568496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565530830629025,0.0,0.0,0.16832969776722534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lightshampoo,2019/02/21,"I wrote about how BPD feels for me. \[TW: feelings of emptiness, suicidal thoughts\]

Specifically the feelings of emptiness. If anyone is interested, you can read it here: [https://medium.com/@sh1992/the-longing-e6b9f779fca](https://medium.com/@sh1992/the-longing-e6b9f779fca)

Would love to know if this is similar to what anyone else feels. ",15.291428571428574,21.275871952380953,7.6336190476190495,55.29471428571429,55.66666666666666,8.121904761904762,32.20952380952381,8.841846274778883,3.5854323809523816,290,10,30,5,5,71,34,42,0.19399999999999998,0.677,0.13,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,12,3,1,3,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,6,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760583387988979,0.2755316045195273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386846135240101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464104761539866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5438789258526222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778672468798226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242703122716287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26898426568560085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29414552878958755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348568886101432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102701018553786,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThisIsMyFifthAcc,2019/02/21,Nothing in me Gaping void that swallows everything and leaves rot in its wake.,7.1014285714285705,8.965137714285717,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,64.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,35.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.2915142857142854,64,3,10,1,1,19,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324030169365508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272567509541447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5684153375299693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DFULegendz,2019/02/21,BPD girls and pretty boys From what I’ve noticed in my experience is the BPD  girls I know really like the skinny stoner type of guys with that pretty boy look and don’t like the muscular handsome jock type of guys. Does anybody have any ideas/explanation or can relate? I’m honestly just curious (I know it’s a bit superficial),5.998750000000001,6.604376375000001,7.0593749999999975,72.948125,66.5,10.775,30.0625,10.686352973137794,3.2369187500000014,264,9,49,7,4,89,50,64,0.0,0.7090000000000001,0.29100000000000004,0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,4,2,2,0,0,7,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,5,8,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,2,23,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381715635902115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23088701319717306,0.0,0.5327162943114712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507208280052131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068730607180409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188071027729261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324534188460565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664192672073506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759426485051438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077724871289344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43031286232273136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548280457208065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,magicblufairy,2019/02/21,"Did I overreact? I am wondering if I am overreacting here or if anyone else would feel the same way as me... 

I just left an appointment with my psychologist (who I have been seeing for about two years), and... he's so literal in what he says that I got really frustrated and basically told him to stop. 

For example, 

I am currently trying to get a family doctor. It's been a nightmare, as there's a shortage in my city and I am considered a ""complex"" patient. We have these rather shitty walk-in clinics and he suggested that I go there. He said ""do AppleTree clinics have family doctors there?"" And I lost it. I am like *""dude, do I look stupid, it's a fucking medical clinic ... of course there are family doctors!""* 

He will often repeat my words back to me as I am talking, saying ""well, that's what you said."" And I then tell him *""I was talking with a metaphor... or as an example, I didn't mean it literally....""* as I assume, as a psychologist, he's educated and knows when I am talking by way of example/metaphor. 

I guess I am just venting a bit... he always asks me what goals I have for the session and I never know. So he sits there in silence waiting... I am like **""I said I don't know.""**

He's not really the type of doctor for me, but I am afraid of dropping him because I am incredibly lucky to have a psychologist at all through OHIP (I am in Ontario, Canada). Sometimes I just need to talk and vent about nothing in particular and he thinks that's a waste of our time. 

I don't really know what this post is trying to achieve... I am just annoyed that this guy can't seem to tell when I am being facetious or sarcastic or am speaking metaphorically. 

Ugh.",1.8703946374622369,3.9700032930513633,4.165512651057401,83.62129012462236,79.51359516616314,7.762877643504533,26.05371978851964,8.660442795831766,2.0673753021148045,1274,52,261,30,32,441,159,331,0.09,0.884,0.025,-0.9469,1,0,0,0,0,0,79.0,2,1,0,3,20,11,4,1,15,0,35,9,0,0,2,48,59,28,0,5,13,0,1,2,0,2,8,6,0,1,17,13,0,2,11,0,0,1,6,7,1,1,11,9,45,4,34,45,3,23,0,1,2,1,33,7,1,12,12,187,62,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766397563312255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366681337290767,0.107948864281572,0.0,0.0,0.098492900659089,0.0,0.0,0.08101165430201071,0.0,0.06422355893787128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502060398109082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43134209219984004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801076015722982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979585505249973,0.0,0.0532707604041036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739919517727344,0.05504374952921239,0.0,0.05987579449462056,0.0,0.08426218685977878,0.0,0.11606064310050072,0.10431822311152524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316018754186931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446874534461345,0.0,0.0,0.10294246908957924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847184310552672,0.0,0.1150076585888677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147627110462205,0.0,0.10613429145620172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811955422926316,0.08125643389871848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109116668985653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090116955685534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247973840293426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30065079614597456,0.16756538535150553,0.0,0.0,0.08395446302235926,0.0959114275041656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419899790327578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880816741423999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387221122397069,0.18417019679340013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750736534522435,0.0,0.0,0.06143347095425635,0.0,0.0,0.10067141929727964,0.0,0.14305854555246994,0.0,0.10291673273093167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725212569990486,0.0,0.0,0.09472698761256143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425323250439705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484131932012775,0.0,0.0,0.06784530187208479
bpd,daaarth,2019/02/21,"Can you use BPD to your advantage? Some background: I’m 23 being discharged from the military within the next few months. Was diagnosed with BPD in October of 2018 and according to my therapist, I’ve made massive improvements in that time. Now I’ve LOATHED my time in the military. Whole thing, not for me. I’ve noticed that a lot of people in my current environment value their military service over everything they’ve done in the rest of their live. But I like to believe that I have much larger ambitions than military life. 

My question is more along the lines of is it possible/does anyone having any experience in making work to their benefit? Like intentionally entering a dissociative state in order to make a difficult business deal that would benefit you and harm others. Much like they say that most CEO’s are sociopaths. 

My theory is that if I can trigger certain emotions then I’d be able to emulate a sociopath in order to be successful in a cutthroat business scenario. 

But I may also be completely wrong and off base with how things work. Any one have some input?",5.403875628140703,7.555747462311563,6.100826005025128,73.4752591080402,69.35175879396985,10.000125628140703,33.543027638190964,10.270032843473604,4.006610301507537,871,42,144,25,16,284,126,199,0.064,0.8079999999999999,0.128,0.8863,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,4,4,3,11,0,0,10,0,17,2,0,7,1,25,22,9,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,1,17,8,29,13,10,23,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,7,10,105,27,5,0.15070705493381648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052037738161378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497193064023175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537787692328793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697952426320334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796205198771577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801347977639696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553723561121894,0.0,0.15296448839923946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422564156916366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952515218550915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544578332751453,0.14742041814182671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644884983686884,0.22088356359983166,0.0,0.13307709058780134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812574876944574,0.0,0.14260265932252006,0.20119625885556588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029293341899952,0.0,0.2215740519046879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027866265637514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715809809217846,0.0,0.0,0.10212300075239188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448129610322666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882639245568626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984829902163385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498250652340516,0.20024614140373792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575699137187986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016250749960762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825904477439654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194330618083595,0.0,0.0,0.10705796782833776,0.16477450618029388,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImperialKasrkin,2019/02/21,"Told her I love her. I'll start off by saying I do not have BPD, I'm just looking for some advice or context from those who do.

I told the girl I'm in love with that I love her. She doesn't love me, not anymore, and has moved on in her life and I am so happy for her. For me, saying it has been a huge relief. The pressure I've felt in my head, chest and stomach for months is finally gone. My memories are now happy and not longing. I knew telling her I love her wouldn't bring her back into my life, and would probably finally push her out. I accepted this and knew I needed to do it to heal.

I'm curious as to what I may have just put her through though. It's selfish of me I know and I'll hate myself if i know I hurt her anymore. I just want to know if I have done something terrible. She is one of the best people I know and has been working so hard on finally being happy in life. Please tell me your perspectives and opinions so I can learn. Thank you.",0.07664772727272863,2.0167413413461546,2.2232342657342663,95.96267482517484,85.10576923076924,5.512587412587413,20.031468531468533,6.782984794422108,0.14796346153846152,741,22,176,9,22,249,110,208,0.075,0.6809999999999999,0.244,0.9908,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,2,10,17,1,1,4,0,22,12,3,0,0,37,47,17,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,8,12,0,0,9,0,0,5,5,5,0,1,9,5,40,12,24,34,2,23,0,1,1,5,28,10,0,6,8,125,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509899659242987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332623444409748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827011851752244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286964708877413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354585292483381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006348437697988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326720591694294,0.3534553125705852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434747070901549,0.0963458580281695,0.1061857648080354,0.11037982915802227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513710817453933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236432026366547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790240069865755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951805221957825,0.0903169592388137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853513672358854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085847329038898,0.11431121947684594,0.0,0.07974876918369417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728803147354749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456331764512081,0.0,0.0,0.1180602783467664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595971781336716,0.0,0.0,0.10811990528632127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106002935393386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279912047714406,0.0,0.0,0.07612616842084782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880111408660676,0.09901983378969084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566972319968074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554192506967087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343721388256722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829945502060462,0.0,0.0,0.07640216535731653,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gabananas,2019/02/21,"Today was a bad day. Today was one of the worst mental health days I have had in a long time. I woke up into a panic thinking about work. I sobbed in the shower until finally my girlfriend told me not to go. I quit via Email, which is so unprofessional but I literally just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I slept until 2:30. I can feel myself slipping. Luckily I have an amazing girlfriend who supports me and makes sure that I’m taken care of but I worry she’s getting tired of my episodes and having to clean up my messes. I just don’t know what to do with mySelf anymore. The idea of working makes my physically sick but I need money.",0.9462564102564102,3.309631369230772,3.0392307692307696,88.7091025641026,85.30769230769229,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.27429743589743616,498,15,101,5,15,168,87,130,0.165,0.67,0.165,0.4641,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,0,1,7,0,13,4,1,2,1,20,28,8,0,3,6,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,5,0,1,7,1,21,4,16,19,1,15,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,0,9,73,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869340923022345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738351718016955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218085296568746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24312437418834384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530756422933202,0.0,0.0,0.20648452106531526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847964725644416,0.0,0.10712473571409237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035890799358552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278529599594145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359064921194774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668100931691441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25164065949577763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899562907771044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976493625757866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277275204081598,0.0,0.0,0.2211555507920184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004851706734573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389926322777456,0.1776521232563308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077850043412044,0.0,0.0,0.10991159942880332,0.2166446110172401,0.35733804772520106,0.18011283653451254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744498367053298,0.19142346950640596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trapsmear,2019/02/21,"I reconnected with friends that I cut off! And they actually don’t hate me! It’s so easy for me to take anything way too personally. I struggle with borderline traits, but I didn’t get a full BPD diagnosis. I think it’s because I’m so quiet and act out more inward / think toxic thoughts / hurt myself usually more than I hurt others. On the outside I probably appear pretty normal as I’m sure most of us do. It’s what’s inside us where the storm brews.

Anyway, a few weeks ago during a difficult time, I deleted all my contacts from my phone. Sometimes when I’m upset I do things like that to prevent myself from being able to reach out to anybody to unload all of my issues on to them. They aren’t my therapists, they’re my friends. It’s easy for me to convince myself that they hate me. I made a post about this a while back.

But I’ve slowly been reconnecting with them and literally no one hates me and no one is mad at me. It was all in my head. It’s sad the things we put ourselves through sometimes, but people ARE there for us. People DO care. 

I don’t know if this applies to anyone or not but I just wanted to share my recent struggle, and even more recently my success, and thought maybe it’d help someone else too. Plus it’s Thursday. That means it’s Friday tomorrow. And that means after that, it’s the weekend! We all made it thru yet another week :)

Hope everyone’s having a nice day today. <33",2.3336013986014,4.30928508741259,3.841958041958044,87.10986013986016,77.4965034965035,6.497902097902099,24.28671328671329,7.468242284971852,1.118360839160839,1109,38,226,15,26,367,162,286,0.147,0.675,0.17800000000000002,0.8808,1,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,5,0,5,1,13,22,5,3,10,0,14,1,1,2,5,43,35,19,0,4,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,23,15,0,1,7,1,0,3,7,12,0,2,7,1,39,10,33,26,10,31,0,3,0,0,17,9,0,5,18,159,62,1,0.10494766108432096,0.0,0.10241377833618348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302976937172468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004677320204914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338184478481898,0.0,0.08636298295214909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069827334132884,0.0,0.06397512010802925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321779052686607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700113487042467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768255929600671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767030424621247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931694036122925,0.0,0.0,0.10028198759928003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216460523963408,0.0,0.054830821361584924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108422638181489,0.10770657767346914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034420502306872,0.0,0.0,0.10423670746822224,0.0,0.0,0.22469728353984045,0.0,0.0,0.10953809191367726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057676489913495686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127212609467706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986080288925426,0.0,0.0,0.1054340314835968,0.22863753876385115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282642536433972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223050243510546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551498810599628,0.09163624963883453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005108491057784,0.10676950068796767,0.1131513289061044,0.0,0.0,0.10550138612823652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724630868119231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892181266871245,0.0,0.20759184063427766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942816389102496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891192856742018,0.0,0.07890758023783652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185232335916805,0.13944512545024162,0.13449244724401713,0.0,0.16663344026690172,0.06119582514500161,0.0,0.0994781115000181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787173432592505,0.0,0.11558502179050148,0.0,0.06190084960767143,0.08330256845720417,0.16836536675302324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dipaolos_Lament,2019/02/21,"My uncle just talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks....... He just will not shut the fuck up. He's like Cousin Eddie but with twice the energy and twice the motormouth. I love him but the fact that I'm stuck here with him until Tuesday is insufferable. I chose a bad time to stop smoking weed. There's some in the kitchen cupboard and I'm ready to break down and just smoke the biggest bowl and sleep until my parents get home.

Also, don't do drugs and drink yourself stupid like he did.",3.216893939393941,4.852569212121214,3.1817045454545467,94.29255681818184,74.05050505050505,6.162121212121212,21.465909090909093,6.6274283507984215,0.1519787878787877,388,9,85,3,8,117,64,99,0.128,0.7090000000000001,0.163,0.4543,1,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,7,0,5,6,1,0,1,20,11,14,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,11,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,6,3,9,8,1,11,0,0,0,2,13,5,1,1,7,49,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399208108120274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078156000757546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886378419594828,0.2233112485735516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802083516492712,0.10060590586980413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931557869907972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815252310773356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379508342937902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381775610449336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270146547658532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609907881170435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7738718117741022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122846835279482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bombay2beijing,2019/02/21,"I feel so so much guilt for leaving my ex with BPD So I left my ex about 5 weeks ago. I can't make a diagnosis, but from a lot of the research I've done I think he may have been very high functioning with BPD. Over the course of our relationship he would snap at me and tell me to fuck off and that he was the only one that would ever love me. In the bad times he even held me down by my throat. I found out about 18 months in he had been emotionally cheating on me with at least 5-6 other guys. I left him in December because during our Christmas party we had been drinking and he got mad at me for not responding right to him being angry. As I tried to leave he threw me to the floor, choked me, punched me in the face, and then held a knife on himself threatening suicide.

​

I've cut off all contact with him since, but afterwards I filed a police report and he went to jail. He was bonded out and is now facing criminal charges. But all in all the guilt I feel for leaving him is so extreme. I saw him as a broken, hurt person whose exes had cheated on him and who grew up with anger issues. He doesn't think anything is wrong with himself besides just anger management problems which he blames on genetics. I want to be able to help him so bad, but I have had to try to move on with my life. More than anything I just want him to recognize how badly he hurt me and why I had to do what I had to do (aka leave), but all I can think of is how much he must be hurting. He wrote me an apology letter, but after I didn't respond he started posting all over social media about ""lies and rumors"" and made Spotify playlists called ""good riddance fucking bitch"" and ""goodbye to 2 years ass"". This is the most painful thing I have had to ever go through, and on top of it all the guilt I feel for abandoning him is destroying me :( I can't stop wondering how he's doing and missing him. It's all just messed up",5.22470077661032,4.546678733668344,5.815203289173143,85.59232526267706,68.19597989949749,8.944906349931475,30.15121059844678,8.150884317080207,1.8127899497487432,1488,48,332,17,22,484,204,398,0.29100000000000004,0.657,0.052000000000000005,-0.9991,0,0,1,0,0,1,41.0,3,0,0,1,18,27,10,3,15,0,37,10,4,5,10,69,62,30,1,6,10,2,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,11,23,1,4,8,1,0,5,5,25,0,1,23,4,51,2,62,32,13,48,0,5,1,4,50,29,4,4,13,226,62,3,0.09570122548412424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483336211015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369223782849893,0.1162874639843358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750790860111855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971957750915415,0.05833857878846172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410646866340719,0.0,0.09772165125775524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979355804260522,0.0,0.09375076713738233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765099763684326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320975685251037,0.1731344748978996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451682453145786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493145409652516,0.0,0.17694848170214048,0.0,0.0,0.05438921187823453,0.08026964742219425,0.07654101249298073,0.0,0.0,0.09475925935451998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414651414675426,0.10111359908586176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073504236617395,0.0,0.0,0.09988721544645922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053351184863431,0.20795932301301512,0.0,0.06759660578091481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136175959839298,0.08637409242472822,0.09055481351190542,0.06388131114284767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638780513847895,0.10171525726307326,0.1407028245099328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484962715522521,0.07278509444305921,0.10183285135319987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356261872438986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165531975166573,0.0,0.0,0.09157314805549137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274730098612513,0.0,0.08172832366082985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916504266964408,0.0,0.0,0.09755534744155474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773781996916745,0.0,0.0,0.080010509721938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046816077421959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364708927538607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357964177330913,0.18396444313232468,0.0,0.0,0.05580415418866151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129949700220586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896353366753532,0.11289412464757945,0.0,0.07676575047443138,0.0,0.0,0.08871599481333306,0.08635547062601696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037838966965715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596680956324508,0.10463426663682457,0.1162874639843358,0.0616284515238479
bpd,DonniesCatch,2019/02/21,"If you feel like you're that friend that is always excluded from events no matter how hard you try, it doesn't change your value, you are valid and a friend worth having recently my friend circle from school had to split, because internships started. i was so happy to find out that three of them got an internship 5 minutes away from my hometown, so i asked them to go out there after they're done with work on like a friday or something. this was a week ago and I'm still left on read, by multiple people, lol.

i told my mom today and she said 'wow thats weird behavior', hearing that hurt and made me log in here to write a big rant, because to me it's not weird behavior, exclusion like this is very familiar to me. but i don't want to rant, because i know there are people with the exact same problem, who also feel worthless when this happens to them, they can remember all the times they logged into snapchat or something and saw their friends have a great time without them.

i want to express to people who share this feeling that this does not, despite how it feels, change your worth as a person, you are a great friend and im sure whatever event you got excluded from would have been way better with you around, thank you for reading.",8.642486085343231,6.5101884693877565,7.689833024118737,79.60042671614103,62.265306122448976,10.868274582560296,34.92578849721707,9.095868883498916,2.7818163265306115,985,31,199,12,11,303,148,245,0.105,0.679,0.21600000000000005,0.9857,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,9,7,2,11,21,0,0,10,1,17,0,0,3,3,40,37,17,0,5,7,1,5,3,5,1,0,2,0,1,16,13,0,0,7,2,2,1,6,5,0,1,11,8,29,16,31,25,2,24,0,2,1,0,33,10,0,3,15,129,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685431524712296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737691250067152,0.090914872659395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726649024412057,0.10214537336009437,0.0,0.10265539909319547,0.0,0.0,0.19981560180451996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663350432673433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311697622114233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095616055392134,0.11181312804953562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209849308626758,0.07805691127972697,0.0,0.0,0.09986363778806344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220783815728379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620962053402669,0.0,0.1747738665291483,0.24092384149376625,0.0,0.0,0.09662017014576076,0.1163116045345455,0.09787743702396584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314639895010082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169674056063739,0.0,0.11802188582508848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004762748693952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871366010183718,0.0,0.0,0.1601399218024965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338650074529046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796652508811102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272458798895477,0.09540350653907244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454913408267302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218583462348704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788320475462568,0.0,0.12377273161184953,0.0,0.10393333806408464,0.0,0.0,0.11057914246910988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823070272044166,0.0,0.0,0.07733632153972643,0.0,0.08725690473608456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297829582797577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059392011476354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742329214465986,0.0,0.10356775510119252,0.10440467934236136,0.0,0.07418183671119567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015272756644906,0.1288913095766177,0.08672721947756795,0.08764351679211561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532482637372156,0.0,0.07954415617482337,0.0,0.0,0.07761670591037706,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Immolare,2019/02/21,"Dae only realize how bad someone is when they leave? Backstory- I'd been seeing someone for the last month and they made me cry a lot, but I pretty genuinely thought I was happy. He left me yesterday saying that I was too sensitive and that he just didn't want to be with someone like me.

So of course I was instantly devastated about being abandoned, and hyper focused on the good times we had just to make sure it really stung, but I started to realize that he was actually pretty terrible to me the entire time we were together- he insulted my looks, my friends, my house, and even my pets- like honestly he was just kind of a jerk, but I unintentionally totally downplayed that aspect the entire time we were together because I was so afraid of being alone.


So my question is, has anyone else had this happen? Like, as soon as you're not over idealizing a person anymore, you start to see that they were actually really toxic and shitty to you?
If so, what do you do to deal with all of the negative feelings that come from that realization?",9.25116111111111,7.2985493050000025,9.655666666666663,65.41644444444447,60.95,13.288888888888893,38.72222222222222,12.06081838636515,4.6729555555555535,831,33,149,22,9,281,120,200,0.179,0.653,0.16699999999999998,-0.2458,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,3,3,1,13,16,2,1,8,0,21,0,0,3,3,34,33,17,0,3,8,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,10,11,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,15,5,25,10,20,15,3,14,0,1,3,0,20,3,0,3,13,110,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.2707387316282191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367065825856287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757159938084504,0.0969952866906458,0.14213362244838762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582425606802925,0.084561585146065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949381087652965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237589382993735,0.0,0.14301280937623875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158816096754319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916223423187468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014030390413216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071736641564217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635059965634577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226684203458914,0.1476685538291274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006266642186145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444540994369912,0.0,0.11307419241334722,0.0,0.14688299255137305,0.15071818996181274,0.0,0.0,0.20331273700089544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648870628665405,0.0,0.0,0.11793361279609932,0.0,0.1312589153215287,0.09259575813520812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072388156319078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550176382302344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112375112724234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822534200227405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539660520118054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773340419493328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031461690438192,0.0,0.0,0.2210815654151199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526075177645838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637151092424174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307406606723299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012709177815884,0.2426638341519873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181983802256153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blurrydie,2019/02/21,"Tips on what to do instead of self harm? I'm having really bad urges right now, but do not want to do it. Things are bad right now and I can't stop thinking about suicide and just have an urge to jump in front of a train? ",1.1319387755102035,2.3033878571428623,2.432397959183671,99.44206632653062,78.59183673469387,5.716326530612244,18.37244897959184,5.985473137389443,-0.57414693877551,171,3,44,1,4,55,39,49,0.301,0.66,0.039,-0.9473,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,10,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5203307570562237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961310328773305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.532193836213712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250572543905913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605039366954533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408298611172846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700714235160533,0.19965486123638307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378438034383585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,classylady08,2019/02/21,"First post - Undiagnosed Hey :) 
I recently started seeing a therapist after struggling for years and I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety, depression, CPTSD, and ADHD. I have an appointment set up with a PA in the office to talk about meds for my “anger issues” and mood swings. I don’t know for sure that I have BPD instead of the other things I was diagnosed with but I will say that I connect with a lot of these issues.  Really I just wanted to comment and say how great this thread is and how much relief I feel reading and realizing that I’m not alone. 
Thanks!",4.107777777777777,6.12408237037037,5.260370370370372,78.72166666666669,72.51851851851852,8.874074074074073,26.814814814814817,9.444778638647367,2.540937037037037,448,16,82,11,9,148,75,108,0.1,0.757,0.14300000000000002,0.7778,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,6,0,7,3,0,2,1,21,14,9,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,7,10,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,4,11,4,15,11,2,9,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,5,61,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279080971975395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337998390253474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544984101068588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299992612304365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250087189431316,0.3594228217538677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952647643411242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060650692450095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952084473245004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696077094694407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730713286462978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052944197690762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667291071820844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015892086528374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957381704298574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710716395416576,0.0,0.113428688903035,0.0,0.17482464800468114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816092432141989,0.0,0.0,0.14109329767950562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532344790749098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510077095545996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687624696721728,0.0,0.0,0.14231351762722785,0.0,0.16301236800921512,0.0,0.20557943516947547,0.11763029762961202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443413262910332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140203513736318
bpd,brujabitch777,2019/02/21,"Do you consider watching porn cheating? Was snooping through my bfs computer (I know I really shouldn’t)and found that while I was visiting my parents he was watching porn. I was completely devastated mainly because I look nothing like the women in those videos. I know it’s unreasonable to get mad about something like that and I’m over reacting but part of me just feels like I lost a lot of trust for him. He didn’t necessarily cheat on me, but it still feels awful and demeaning. ",3.4800000000000004,6.391074777777781,4.440000000000005,79.26000000000003,79.0,8.044444444444443,30.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,3.0472444444444444,390,19,68,10,10,126,66,90,0.242,0.713,0.045,-0.9462,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,3,0,2,1,6,2,0,1,0,12,15,5,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,7,5,13,4,9,8,3,6,0,1,3,2,7,3,0,1,5,45,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552268731330582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669863865538209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575084191440921,0.1819156785799468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792008624647902,0.0,0.0,0.13303948373842775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798882180273909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732143901779899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138344213978345,0.0,0.2779708805358204,0.2164867879428014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24433503789192715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28274884700172165,0.2757515359054532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312963230773406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603518728596486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335674030152476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GaySprinkles,2019/02/21,DAE feel like they have an itch they can’t satisfy Two days ago I had an episode that was different from the usual. I felt so incredibly suicidal but I wasn’t depressed or anything. It felt like an itch in the back of my mind I can only itch by dying. Actually felt like I was in withdrawal for death. I’m wondering if it was a mechanism I subconsciously used to manage my anxiety.,2.6041558441558443,4.64703876623377,4.944155844155844,79.20766233766237,76.92207792207795,9.594805194805195,27.883116883116887,9.957137785484203,3.0764077922077924,303,13,61,10,7,106,54,77,0.177,0.688,0.135,-0.7569,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,8,3,3,1,0,10,15,4,3,1,3,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,4,10,3,7,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,7,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.1951199597563754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724143324123987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295932355993894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453979173337696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374731898946015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894962436298935,0.0,0.17221452630139875,0.0,0.20751398259239887,0.20890262637815388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010994857866708,0.14284256508657808,0.5759429934029144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930528101612662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201890020380585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206911687569807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871015987947232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531969656547105,0.0,0.0,0.17269047990144787,0.22021397087968106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683458182379686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TalionTheRanger93,2019/02/21,"I started on medication. Had a question. So I started on clonidine. A little background, I've never dated, had a girlfriend, sex, just held hands. So I don't know anything about dating sex or whatever, it's upsetting for me seeing as im 25. I definitely was emotionally neglected, with some potentially worse abuse. Still working on finding out with my doctor. But ever since i got on the medication, I get a lot more Horny. It's like someone took my normal level and multiplied it by 2. I end up staring at women, my doctor has been having me study people's body language, I tend to be able to tell if someone is uncomfortable. But i also dont Know what to say if ome of these girls starts talking to me. 

Is it normal to get a lot more horny once you're anxiety is leaving? 
What do i do? I cant help myself from staring, and i try to avoid eye contact because im scared of what will happen. How do i get over this fear?",2.614758064516128,4.414767182795701,4.740524193548389,81.78078629032261,76.09677419354837,7.015591397849463,27.21639784946237,7.865858978985527,1.7739688172043016,720,29,140,11,16,249,120,186,0.16399999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.03,-0.9729,0,1,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,4,6,0,17,9,3,1,2,26,31,12,0,4,6,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,2,9,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,6,20,1,23,22,5,20,0,1,4,2,9,10,0,7,10,95,29,3,0.13028465765451208,0.15436601501571948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418859365576297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966740650091206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072131722773973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942031804771796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471688408052716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26670373548606435,0.0,0.0,0.15269264846158925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465527040258168,0.11539353614675492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784993178592305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660646115222925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907781679064106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420506897062365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420054245629268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152102924921956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732705974310202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814595744527479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320208121753636,0.0,0.0,0.13795264083662315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365050279774129,0.13057945397747514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221526713828838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624961718915332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048355977753437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553026048987706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874890837081236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032297724938282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594863361768154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036075890101248,0.1304376706544585,0.0,0.10382000413915636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777281513631606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207795352819476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766484537779495,0.0,0.10404549589844647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471787272757764,0.11387453331878104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447510484484094,0.0884547304378777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484878245526847,0.0,0.13277119667964266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,istoleyoursock,2019/02/21,"Is it possible to be depressed without feeling depressed? I’ve been taking lamictal for around 4 months to help stabilize my BPD mood instability. I don’t feel depressed. I’m always trying to be productive, even if it’s just cleaning up around the house. I’m not laying in bed crying or sleeping all day. 

But I’m also withdrawing socially. I only have two friends, one of which I’m always flaking on (for good reasons, but that’s for another post), and the other has so much going on that we only see each other maybe twice a month. My tinder activity has come to a full stop, I have around 50 messages I haven’t read. I’m only really leaving the house to go to class or to run errands, and even then I really have to force myself out. I’ve been struggling all morning with not wanting to go to class, even after I’ve showered and got ready, I’ve been trying to think of a bullshit excuse to stay home all day. I’m also eating a lot more, even spending a lot of money I don’t have on going out to eat and buying groceries. I’ve put on about 10 lbs in the last month. 

I only really do this when I’m depressed. Even though I don’t feel depressed, I think I’m still going through an episode. Is this possible? Has anyone here had this experience while on a mood stabilizer? 

",4.961337209302325,5.245606558139535,6.249137596899228,78.97975290697677,68.68992248062014,8.775581395348837,30.078488372093023,8.660442795831766,2.271681395348837,1004,36,196,15,16,340,135,258,0.124,0.8340000000000001,0.042,-0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,0,17,10,0,1,11,0,20,3,1,1,3,35,43,16,0,2,9,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,10,13,2,1,6,1,3,8,7,6,0,3,5,4,13,2,37,36,9,36,0,5,1,0,6,14,0,5,12,129,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547971300865012,0.15137030142378982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537841229083488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360062765037247,0.0,0.0,0.24291830669739986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455964021140863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835309973690836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991415889392026,0.11732202331059717,0.0,0.3917141435844926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861474711907542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003877135213188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897532761194285,0.0,0.0,0.13797476673639927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027467561056253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584703977655084,0.07629206962645592,0.0727481986270607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096788114489062,0.0,0.09123926457803816,0.0,0.0,0.20990888104265687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414370176031887,0.0,0.09631241719225966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546601293902104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138051241051844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780774933212024,0.0,0.06686530979568467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061636153005054574,0.2767135858370635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508514665990826,0.08711355114530804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143888921593694,0.0,0.0,0.09098358611229868,0.0,0.17481193850100632,0.09352097171518793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248252364660795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910246608041391,0.09272121653030102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969501609539428,0.07263995199493427,0.07604577289904159,0.0,0.09509006613666594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838982645114364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656567212280936,0.08936672750079397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351034164907522,0.0,0.08885369812697966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053649957951911235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768120247678217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,one_wolf_island,2019/02/21,"Poem As a child not yet a man,

I glided through life without a plan,

Safe in a blanket of motherly love,

She always watched me from above,

​

As a teen my passions arose,

The path of pleasure I mindlessly chose,

With a saddened guardian now behind,

A stupid boy wandered with one thing in mind,

​

As a man I now feel none,

Empty and cold even before the sun,

Leaving sadness in my wake,

I'm incapable of swimming in this lifeless lake,

​

Now the emptyness within me holds,

I try to forget it by filling Her holes,

Halfway to climax I open my eyes,

Death stares back and denies my prize",12.640862068965511,7.610739637931037,10.87689655172414,68.73275862068967,57.793103448275865,12.979310344827587,47.96551724137931,8.841846274778883,4.648368965517242,482,22,87,4,4,149,83,116,0.182,0.6940000000000001,0.125,-0.7441,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,0,11,0,0,5,2,0,0,12,3,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,5,0,2,1,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,5,13,5,20,3,1,13,0,1,3,2,8,6,0,0,5,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232378755945688,0.4814254735154245,0.5399029723436066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388605299357668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602915774905732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978240601250708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488794908165812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682518402234594,0.0,0.0,0.10461319197275633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367342054993944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954704713591646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036194002017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839649777604932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055573633414999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427710062169121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5399029723436066,0.0
bpd,Kilroy1138,2019/02/21,"Welcome back to our newest segment: Did I over react!? About a week ago my wife and I (Male Quiet) had a ""fight""(more of an intense discussion) about how I need to start helping out around the house more. wash dishes, take out trash, put up clothes, etc. I understood where she was coming from as I can be incredibly lazy if I'm not careful. I agreed and for the past week(ish) I have been doing a lot more, I put up my clothes, put up clean dishes and refill the dishwasher, I've even made dinner a couple of nights. And she hasn't said anything about it. (For the record I always. ALWAYS. Thank her for the stuff she does so this isn't a ""Well why don't you do it"" issue)

So, as a Quiet my mind races all the time, and last night I had a 30 minute argument with myself about whether or not I should say my ""love language"" is recognition. I didn't really want to say anything but I know that if I don't say how I feel it just festers inside and eventually explodes. So I finally got up the courage and I said, ""Just wanted to let you know that something that really helps me do better and keep doing stuff is recognition."" These are my exact words. And what did she say? she rolled her eyes, closed them, sighed really big and just said ""...yeah"". (this is her classic: I'm listening but really don't care reaction)

I lost it. I could not believe she did that. Do my feelings not matter? She wonders why I keep stuff to myself all the time. I even told her that she has permission to slap me if I ever react like that to her concerns. I was shaking. So mad. So disrespected. For the first time in our 10 year relationship I walked out and took a walk. I even asked her how I was supposed to take that and asked if she could clarify. SHE. SAID. NOTHING.  I had to get out of there. I haven't said 3 words to her since. 

OK players at home. I genuinely need help. I can never tell when I am over reacting or not. Am I in the wrong here? Again, my thoughts range from: ""You idiot, you're too touchy"" to ""HOW DARE SHE!!"". If I am wrong I have no problem apologizing and moving on but I need your help. Please and thank you.",0.9837756015112332,3.2468502359813094,2.4909286140385767,93.4233296878107,84.02336448598132,5.792085901769736,19.854046530125274,7.125416948008024,0.35384891628554405,1623,46,357,23,47,527,207,428,0.106,0.78,0.114,0.6585,0,0,1,0,1,0,82.0,2,5,1,3,29,19,2,1,19,2,39,6,1,8,5,77,78,37,0,14,19,1,2,1,0,1,1,13,2,1,18,22,3,2,7,0,0,9,14,7,2,1,23,16,72,11,42,50,7,47,0,1,1,1,51,19,0,9,20,253,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052382140463792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323981120737319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093975459301382,0.07082394387002885,0.1487529399134612,0.0,0.0,0.0611755855703141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963519994565328,0.0,0.07036303941083673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223041240794395,0.0,0.0,0.06853261427582193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704199763966692,0.08802998130270583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962219077885773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887287722326174,0.15764294231939927,0.07196522973374142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045434918161039,0.0,0.0,0.0871524620984582,0.0,0.06767243043483323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156603933653644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363021057890249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330557671600356,0.0,0.07980367524873977,0.0,0.0,0.09179984216239903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303841752264869,0.0,0.1414305235263244,0.0,0.0,0.08744655611587618,0.0648508065511539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135396969991729,0.0,0.03886827074985842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684751496390712,0.06763780263281145,0.07180466406883579,0.07528018855543883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033141845180153,0.0,0.0,0.08455810849549618,0.0,0.17697488771125364,0.061360429779376134,0.0,0.0,0.14932054984046686,0.0,0.07633853883767325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594760280156562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733135619707412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612675223858954,0.0,0.23993483903586596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386888231736106,0.0,0.0,0.08541606891809246,0.0,0.0,0.3783918224457784,0.25307249082899563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581162401032001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124803011183121,0.0,0.0,0.056311924919848426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732263892076499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963620105150333,0.0,0.06953764696270742,0.14649357931993084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316057247474564,0.13917362600322444,0.0,0.0,0.07602156848626214,0.08839243517520655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938513444031736,0.0,0.1276340803143544,0.0,0.07153265769523365,0.0,0.14357836672405128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627781350694197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396948911489118,0.0,0.051233073882759855
bpd,mszum,2019/02/21,"Meds with the least amount of sideeffects regarding sexuality Hey guys so i wonder what medications really worked for you. I tried two SSRI meds, they eliminated my libido like 5 days after starting to take them. So seems like im extremely sensitive to ssri meds. Im taking Wellbutrin now, but im not sure it helps. What do YOU guys take and how good is it?

Also weed helps me tons, but in my country its illegal so its a bit hard to find and expensive.

",2.513208489388269,4.924825089887642,4.574531835205993,79.8786766541823,79.0,8.449937578027466,23.372034956304606,9.150863307647796,2.1661750312109858,359,12,69,10,9,123,65,89,0.155,0.769,0.076,-0.8196,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,2,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,11,8,9,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,9,4,8,8,4,5,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,6,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958504064509005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632561599515839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643928102420546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667451552216767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542491401031705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961311613519258,0.0,0.0,0.13395617846600202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004635943796028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484578303678157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146112884281691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983071713774894,0.1506432435806913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957975163160004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613327358617391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584337315190513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093727209754572,0.0,0.3373006451580387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152610917864133,0.0,0.146076355008339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216698013331418,0.10886504085587298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Flamingogal420,2019/02/21,"My therapy has been deferred, and this is how I reacted (I'm a quiet BPD). I was very excited that therapy was going to start. I've already waited 1 year and 2 months.

And now I found out therapy is deferred 3 months so I can have at least a month off modafinil before I start.

I was understanding with Lucy
I won't show weakness to you Lucy fuck you, I'm totally fine. And I don't want you to feel bad for having to tell me this news (decided by your superiors).

My thoughts when leaving the building:

All my efforts to cope constructively, and I get bashed because I use modafinil to help me???!! I can go off it during therapy Lucy, I've already reduced the amount, just need to catch up on some sleep.

Oh but institutional policy eh. You guys don't deal with that kinda thing. You want clean stable people in your service. I'm sorry Lucy, that's not how BPD works. You were supposed to give me coping mechanisms to help me replace my old coping mechanisms with new healthy ones.

Completely splitting on therapy, I had cried in the first session at the prospect of actually finally getting help. And in that vulnerable state they did a massive fuck you.

I knew I was alone in this. How can anyone understand.

I wasn't going to cry. No. Turned into an anger bubbling under the surface. High self esteem, ppl checking me out and moving out of my way, street and Tesco - surprised me but I embraced it - fuck you all, I know what I'm doing, blithering me was a faint memory. I felt like I was the shit. Total high in confidence.

Thoughts on way home of partying hard, the crazies, just not caring anymore in that high self esteem, knowing, all out sense. Energy and anger.

Fuck it all. I don't need Lucy. I'm not going to be let down again.  I got this. How were you going to help anyway.

Suicidal thoughts.

Seriously contemplating it, the relief. Things aren't going to change. No one can help me or understands. 

But then, the effect it would have on my boyfriend, on my brother, on my friends, the therapist who completely mishandled things. That made me feel like crying. No. No crying. 

All this constructive coping. And they just push me further. 

That's when I begin laughing hysterically with tears at the fucked upness of it all. Standing in front of the door - trying to compose myself before going in. I just keep laughing and laughing. The world is absurd.

Go in the kitchen to put away my shopping and start throwing shit.

My flatmate came in and I immediately switched back to socially polite but couldn't talk about it because the emotions would wave in, couldn't look at her either, she was sweet giving me a hug and kiss and I showed acceptance but rly in these moments I need to be alone. They can't help me, they just make me put my social face on. 

Putting my shopping in the fridge, my whole body is shaking.

""They deferred my therapy. Mhmm yeah it's annoying but you know I understand. Ahah yeahh it's a lot of energy drinks! There was a clearance sale of 25p a pop so I stocked up hehe. Fridge finally full!"" The social face on, I'm making sure my flatmate's emotions are okay, she must be pretty shaken from the loud bangs. But I can't accept comfort gestures from her. It would make me feel more vulnerable. I need to be alone. I take care of her, not her of me.

I made my food, came into my room, and wrote a diary entry. I need to get this experience on paper so I stop thinking about it. So I can just take it day by day again and not dwell.

And then I decided to share it here. I was contemplating deleting my Reddit app because I want to forget I have BPD, I want to just get on with things. 

But would that be constructively coping? I don't think so.

I'm going to cope constructively, I got this, I know what I'm doing. Just need to avoid alcohol. That's when the attempts happen.

Can any of you relate to this??

 I'm a quiet BPD - the pain of your efforts to cope constructively being taken for granted creates horrible urges to act out. I can't even.

And I can't even talk to anyone about it.

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bpd,drgirlfriendxmonarch,2019/02/21,"Are extreme emotions that you process quickly a sign of BPD? Hey all. I have a generally weird mind. I was wondering if this experience was relatable - I feel very strongly and passionately about things (well, it depends; I have DID and most of our ANP alters are cut off from emotions, but our emotional parts and ANP/EP mixtures meet this description) - but then I process it, deal with it, and accept things very quickly as well. It feels like I go through a rollercoaster of brilliant emotions all day, everyday. I also don't experience emotions such as anger, happiness, sadness and so on as being specifically ""good"" or ""bad"" - it's more like they're all just strong in this neutral kind of way, like the meaning has been taken out of them. I actually enjoy my passion and do not feel as though it is maladaptive, although people who deal with me when I am angry do not like it quite so much. Is that a feature of BPD?",6.172075669994744,6.958917936416189,6.367913820283762,77.41979506043091,66.16763005780346,9.527903310562273,35.38045191802417,9.573946990214177,3.3366809248554907,725,34,134,14,11,232,111,173,0.081,0.679,0.24100000000000002,0.9865,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,1,3,12,20,2,0,5,0,16,2,0,1,3,30,23,21,0,1,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,5,3,15,15,19,17,7,12,0,1,0,2,9,4,0,5,10,102,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.1129376584857004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255077387028346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663131830087936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915206013703557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463751353962035,0.2386290535865205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6509141593361795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264160481360773,0.0,0.0,0.17555260691593916,0.08267890611043588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577311665258903,0.09707044285513827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231987798800264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205169844075156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261630792571028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606598784569936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685624680264725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507627680429784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532639036341228,0.0,0.08023394067797747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309514165816347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377428907952856,0.0,0.11370602288666108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909819073254064,0.0,0.09186261048311986,0.0,0.0,0.20811378818360807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550632944206253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,khinua,2019/02/21,Bout to go to hospital No suicide for me today byeeee wish me luck  suicide was very tempting living is less so but I only get one chance at each so might as well try make the living part count right love you all good luck in your battles,0.8204761904761888,3.255689040816325,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,87.16326530612245,4.082993197278912,18.37074829931973,5.46131890053228,-0.393819047619048,189,5,39,1,6,60,43,49,0.149,0.524,0.327,0.9266,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,2,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,8,8,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,5,5,6,6,4,5,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081650368659425,0.0,0.13142244502180803,0.1939581942992784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083889532342273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870856592684048,0.0,0.1543585172807329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453154889208251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669829117165318,0.1758730222873115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504169102144693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974828417644023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058912370009424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919419272456367,0.0,0.0,0.15700087152462294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908021885917829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791794792321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659215163045833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tw231116,2019/02/21,"I don't see any way forward for myself anymore I feel I am really having some kind of breakdown. Over the past couple of months, my life has really gone to shit. I lost my FP when we ended our relationship in January, which had been coming for months to be honest, but that only makes it more painful. I have been struggling to keep it together, and it seems all my friends have left the scene, so I have had no one to reach out to. Then last week I was sexually assaulted, and since then I have completely broken apart. The one person I told about it told me not to report it because I could ruin the guy's life. But what about my life? I have tried to access help through mental health services but I feel they don't really see how much I'm suffering. Yesterday I saw a psychologist but I was so uncomfortable that I didn't manage to say anything about how I feel. I'm not eating or sleeping well, I can't concentrate on work because I keep reliving the assault in my mind, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I want to disappear. Everything seems so futile. I don't know where I'm going with this, I am just hoping that someone will hear my screams into the void.",4.332962184873948,5.087202495798323,5.432258403361344,82.60998424369748,70.26050420168067,8.807142857142857,27.05987394957983,9.017664075816787,1.9641168067226888,926,29,190,17,16,307,139,238,0.21,0.7170000000000001,0.073,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,1,2,13,14,3,1,7,0,25,8,2,3,1,33,49,16,0,3,8,0,3,0,1,1,5,3,0,2,12,8,1,2,6,0,0,5,9,9,1,2,12,9,33,5,27,34,4,25,0,3,3,0,13,10,1,5,11,132,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438366178584908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306132054815852,0.08676476918796419,0.0,0.10211332658916047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128500915239393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689027553637012,0.13010323894992326,0.0,0.0,0.09907366205046184,0.13730030666913273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697235050552536,0.0,0.0,0.10990457228841666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115217204124341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822689699630304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958695886246306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052170782756198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286599807911285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189906398354118,0.1398554761790548,0.0,0.0831731435811497,0.0,0.0,0.12324674980458734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058909890900386,0.0,0.12921789319392255,0.06819516938543457,0.10114776233560717,0.0,0.0,0.13482128266883686,0.0,0.2629397219629999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545601466156418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282927816904624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505087596148998,0.0,0.1252928630152936,0.0,0.19809069811950406,0.0,0.09121848927335746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816961676906614,0.09437403093845932,0.1320377027425134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845542849297327,0.0,0.10834829885346492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384806259887842,0.0,0.0,0.13322338916099932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867925133614204,0.0,0.0,0.19776312488394965,0.22592894924779136,0.0,0.0,0.12737389464766105,0.1026463487245209,0.0,0.12417697712826907,0.0,0.10513881975303437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972305376875873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973672180771387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23714158545007974,0.0,0.08424717397773868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318994152433184,0.09849477273497434,0.09953539753878674,0.0,0.11156944137748884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033707793273574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,needajob10,2019/02/21,"Someone disclosed a trauma to me And now I'm freaking out and none of my friends want to talk.

I feel like I'm always there for them but no one is ever there for me.",-0.38364864864864856,1.5005921891891916,1.7310135135135134,99.12733108108112,86.56756756756758,3.7,20.06081081081081,3.1291,-0.6659675675675678,129,4,31,0,4,43,29,37,0.21899999999999997,0.705,0.076,-0.6679999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,5,2,6,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620061969439073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935382267928136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199802740284724,0.3108081744053557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33612759993154495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254917695664016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29480907593813993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368626377250807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496861247368914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25661067014720984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadLifeNick,2019/02/21,DBT I’ve had my third session of dbt today and I think it’s making me worse..,-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,89.0,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.3746444444444441,60,1,15,0,2,21,16,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994005443790935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38339590207192015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5671619645043989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6097656053301573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,feuilledherbe,2019/02/21,"trouble managing feelings, love, sadness, irritation and it's destroying my relationship My boyfriend and I are together for 6 months. He currently is the most supportive and helping person in my life and I'm sure he won't abandon me all of a sudden. But **I don't know how to deal with our relationship anymore**. 

He is almost the most important person in my life and I would do a lot of thing for him. But most of the time, I feel like he would not do the same for me. And **I don't know what to do with this feeling**. 

Also, he recently decided **he won't help me anymore** when I feel bad because he **doesn't know what to say** and **everything he tried has made the situation worse**, according to his point of view based on what I said and how I reacted. 

I know I'm someone complicated. I experience extreme mood swings, never-ending sadness and depression. I create a lot of arguments to **get his attention and reassurances**. He told me I was sometimes mean to him and I am conscious that I hurt him but I can't control it, can't control what I say and every time **I can't even remember the things I said** earlier once the crisis is over. 

**I don't see the point about our relationship** and every time I talk about breaking up, he gets annoyed, irritated. He says he doesn't want because he ""loves me"" but today he said he doesn't know **why** we're still together but he won't leave. He told me so. 

And I'm not able to leave him neither, because I love him and love everything we live together. It's when he is not near me that I become crazy because I lack self-confidence, I have trust issues and mood swings that are not helping in our relationship. 

​

I needed to talk about this to someone but not to any of my friends because I feel annoying and it's a recurrent problem so everything they say is like ""it's always the same thing between you two, it'll be ok"" and they don't really care.

The situation is breaking my heart. My boyfriend is breaking my heart. And hurting him is making me even more sad. 

I know it's all my fault. How to end this constant sadness.",-0.06768115942028885,2.1327073888888894,2.1863164251207716,89.6291847826087,101.92270531400965,5.6816425120772935,22.65821256038648,7.112122041532452,1.3166415458937206,1625,70,329,35,72,545,172,414,0.154,0.73,0.11699999999999999,-0.9454,2,0,0,0,0,0,81.0,4,1,2,2,14,30,3,0,14,1,34,8,2,8,3,75,67,33,0,6,11,0,5,2,1,6,2,7,0,2,20,22,0,3,16,0,0,0,19,15,0,1,7,14,59,13,33,53,12,25,0,8,2,4,60,9,0,6,15,213,79,1,0.07205751977240007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215519736489284,0.0,0.0,0.0576243725283235,0.059957628858193036,0.07807429256808171,0.08755777361203787,0.04900158440287256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292339436212506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060165019165342414,0.2196279761976848,0.07958186931680747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346744378990998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786857997108358,0.16163727120003654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428813885026897,0.06206303619305014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764314942671975,0.0,0.0,0.09518662443803184,0.0,0.12142313644718256,0.0,0.19428195742720905,0.07048608109139405,0.0,0.0,0.18217223541571656,0.05147790652317585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567146102975007,0.0,0.07529416003325512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077701574744975,0.1448959097883359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427813049085254,0.0,0.0,0.07520932951101268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376055703998107,0.0,0.0,0.15259701830894,0.0,0.0,0.10179271441855092,0.07040732878976265,0.0,0.06362811011398972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252145301840517,0.2601388996319778,0.06818256748658436,0.04809895398388808,0.0,0.0,0.07849176341791977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057515624813490984,0.0,0.0,0.05342973787371691,0.05557520145366149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673890685456689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258356937543108,0.0,0.0,0.13623529446723484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894931484157549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616189230444525,0.0,0.07114810769128714,0.30945123784633866,0.08162712312814446,0.0,0.20562960692863694,0.229212127600328,0.0,0.0,0.05742051394006815,0.0,0.07517170828373806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199134263181186,0.0,0.0,0.12210820533532925,0.0,0.07126672956091336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754522837073156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177001951747724,0.06791335961976877,0.0,0.0,0.11583420980543635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361544288570285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605195775153152,0.0,0.06830210327959835,0.13770809619939714,0.0,0.048922325945636384,0.0,0.07038972645050291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042501392107723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502070376435655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343276869421342,0.1023751892301418,0.0,0.08755777361203787,0.0
bpd,simbajammies,2019/02/21,"Identity Crisis Does anyone else experience identity crisis’ regularly? 

I feel like I can never be content with the person I am at present. It’s like I constantly have the urge to change everything about my life; my appearance, career, location, interests. I have these bursts of energy to completely reinvent myself and act impulsively based on these thoughts. 

Can anyone relate? ",7.971428571428575,10.690268365079367,8.24146031746032,58.417428571428616,63.76190476190475,12.65904761904762,36.40952380952381,11.979248473330829,5.929339047619048,309,15,40,12,5,101,49,63,0.063,0.7929999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,6,9,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,3,7,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760801431394218,0.2755475801922095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28448919878962303,0.0,0.28196493337745704,0.2906146421347118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353399054419085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246540725889001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24169432459967155,0.26306229341103404,0.0,0.0,0.1359776151610287,0.19212156414862533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995115413465552,0.2627683806163691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741314774223435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348167587091119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21349806703263466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gmercure,2019/02/21,"The Worst Right Now. The Worst I am so utterly and completely alone. Even sleep has forgotten me. I’m a dead thing trying to find a grave.

It will get better than this, it’s true. But nothing is going to change that would keep it from getting this bad again and again and again. I don’t deserve to feel like this. The unrewarded work of suffering goes on and on and on between brief bouts of comfort and diversion. 

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. ",1.8517868338557968,4.585939988505746,2.9566144200626963,87.95210031347963,85.89655172413794,7.301567398119122,24.001044932079417,8.296473431620573,1.905216091954024,357,14,70,9,11,114,61,87,0.254,0.645,0.10099999999999999,-0.9523,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,5,0,6,1,1,0,1,14,12,10,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,4,11,10,2,13,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,8,50,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783972316453459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244379794563875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377330349529785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28435628792919543,0.0,0.2818332018317075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775408198693979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591408761092544,0.19203180663759745,0.0,0.0,0.2456796517751161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28087532219160544,0.0,0.15276605621887715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892307576840865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131322808765916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25792223692600824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229554966065638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689955710580981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857973657096302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824985371544665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569065400211105,0.0,0.0,0.1909488348548055,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eisenbam,2019/02/21,"I am an FP and even though I get frustrated, I still love my friend with BPD and find some of the qualities positive. I've been friends with this girl for over 10 years. I grew up with family members who dealt with bulimia, BPD, and Bipolar. Love my family members very much and am very comfortable with mental illness as I've learned to separate the behaviors from the person, especially as I've learned to set my own personal boundaries. I am also now a counselor. 

The reason I'm making this post is because having a healthy relationship is possible.  Even though I've been  hurt by my best friend's behaviors, I know that her heart is still in a good place. If she could choose not to react in the way she does, she wouldn't. I do truly believe that. We have many wonderful memories and she's one of my favorite adventure partners. We talk about everything. She feels comfortable to tell me when her emotions are being triggered and we find a way to sift through them. Sometimes I need little breaks because I am human too and need boundaries. Sometime when I set boundaries we fight. But with time, we always come around and will be friends for life.

Even though relationships can be hard, don't give up. Find healthy ways to deescalate the emotion and have 'friendship check-ins' to discuss boundaries and feelings. 

The intensity at which you can feel happiness and sadness is a blessing and a curse. Appreciate the beauty. Learn to gracefully ride out the storm. Have hope. Take action on your mental health. And have compassion for yourself and others. 

",5.01387049941928,7.272643655052263,4.861903310104534,81.50426030778166,70.6376306620209,8.267653890824624,31.47052845528455,8.959647251330699,2.8340849012775844,1247,56,220,25,24,384,169,287,0.068,0.701,0.231,0.9949,0,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,5,2,1,1,15,19,2,0,16,0,26,7,1,4,0,53,42,24,0,6,3,0,4,0,5,2,4,0,0,5,7,28,0,0,13,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,2,4,31,15,34,34,4,29,1,2,0,2,34,11,0,4,7,149,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661942555138783,0.07972180657203795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529143906116976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681008318491842,0.0,0.0,0.1079453469568178,0.10054695060633677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413393219671775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253205024752226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649669171048741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838441989762305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554728020536146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898453075831664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610807846254809,0.0,0.18064276125500905,0.0,0.1453336296766143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26270650936771706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960910584568597,0.0,0.05005690332061055,0.09190992601317663,0.0,0.08036109541346112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199179702451243,0.08582716858026733,0.0,0.0,0.10184181976953346,0.0,0.11353561236192605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516120055518974,0.0,0.0,0.1025668585592066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265480997326008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676736158839069,0.0,0.09602704481859207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729449899309138,0.0,0.06395408855960623,0.09713655959636368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931084025475953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043156079853312,0.14208417874687515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649235077355965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731563653168965,0.10010132331295384,0.0,0.0,0.1080116656902532,0.09175973898296154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850889834239956,0.0,0.20572871373391907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951758224176374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302838530074153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203738731508451,0.07700865298037872,0.08374238505075332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823992644573522,0.0,0.055867729624318505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810698731152822,0.0,0.2281491602025645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390213352934127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169866234796054
bpd,wildflower-girl,2019/02/21,"I’m losing my mind I had a fucked up childhood. 

From what I remember, I seem to remember things so clearly, the bad things that happened are cemented in my brain and I’ve not been able to shake them. 

I was arguing with my Mum this morning, she told me that I had not remembered things correctly and I have it all wrong, that what I remember isn’t true and I’ve made it up in my head. 

She said my mental illness (BPD) is hereditary and that it makes me make up lies. My Mum makes me question my own sanity but I’m sure I remember what happened to me. There’s social services involved with my little brother currently and I’ve reported things that happened to us when we were young, is she trying to cover it all up? Or am I genuinely mistaken? 

Can I really make up all these things in my head? ",2.0831481481481475,4.071652623456792,3.845456790123461,86.72855555555559,78.32098765432099,8.023703703703704,25.61481481481481,8.841846274778883,2.019834074074075,623,24,130,15,15,209,89,162,0.125,0.831,0.045,-0.8666,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,1,1,3,8,2,1,2,0,12,5,3,5,7,32,26,9,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,19,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,8,1,29,2,16,18,4,14,0,1,0,1,15,9,1,3,4,94,48,2,0.11083175419815393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253988530999292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958871456308894,0.12372489194695238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024621708370992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29402446262981496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274907095383324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108253425309947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239923832829497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487168562199957,0.2959242261997739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116923403249487,0.0,0.11190847715853623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415692974046127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100165974859947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6277538607362769,0.0,0.1054263784587776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089706647242308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297901603309694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445761669182607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681584636653915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590449072681818,0.0,0.07524748591312971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331695394641493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117712455542612,0.0,0.0
bpd,DistinctGrass,2019/02/21,"Stranger approaching you in public As an outsider I feel a bit confused around how do you feel about strangers approaching you in a friendly way and initiating a conversation in a public setting? Not cat-calls or impolite drunk intrusions, more like someone asking you to sign for a cause or taking a poll in broad daylight...

In example below I got the feeling any stranger approaching you in any way at all would get you to blow up like a puffer fish and freeze until he goes away (preferably doing no sudden moves 😂). And even then you'd stay an emotional mess for the whole day.

>I like to be alone for extended periods of time and when I get angry at someone I like to sleep under my bed to feel safe. I like to lock my door and be alone when I'm angry and feel like a trapped animal when approached.

On the other hand I've read posts where it is actually advised by girls with BPD to approach a girl stranger, because she could never approach a stranger on her own + she likes getting attention a lot. This is typical for girls overall, but are BPD girls even more shy / less probable to approach a stranger than their ""normal"" friends?",9.091232876712331,7.280436228310503,8.307164383561645,74.51060958904111,61.14611872146119,11.682374429223746,40.164840182648405,10.355215969177356,4.001109223744292,910,40,172,16,10,285,136,219,0.087,0.7809999999999999,0.132,0.7929999999999999,0,3,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,7,1,0,9,12,0,1,17,0,10,3,2,2,2,30,22,16,0,4,4,0,7,7,2,1,0,0,2,4,3,8,1,1,7,2,0,8,3,2,0,0,1,7,18,10,34,16,8,40,0,0,0,0,23,17,0,4,17,108,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.12253469205237855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600978406126298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707789140707215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117807165493442,0.11738763265472935,0.0,0.11797376506026347,0.0,0.0,0.0765441112397829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708598607113331,0.0,0.3162929672423093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899128041810434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025455200632756,0.0,0.0,0.0809799393732835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124529786827553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587084431734955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174507203925034,0.08970466038794775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940245764549985,0.0,0.1968097824239837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042691982457212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294177989294631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675206195793717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334572101072109,0.0,0.0,0.0968445476730494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302841054751575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025790028633575,0.0,0.13538181549472547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560037884502392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565708134573356,0.0,0.212784004439964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383707397366745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944103049621162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321877691514353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933752545616876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019040001913433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919876702743577,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaitlynthegemini,2019/02/21,"Something not quite right with me. Have any of you ever had absolutely zero emotional reaction to finding out bad news? But logically knowing it is something awful that you should be feeling very emotional about but can't bring yourself to feel? 

I just found out that my estranged mother who has been battling a percocet addiction is having yet again more concerning health problems, but this time she is experiencing kidney and liver failure. Logically, I know this is terrible news and I should feel incredibly anxious and scared for her well being, but emotionally I am not feeling anything. That is not to say I do not love my mother or would not be incredibly devastated if anything were to happen to her, but I cannot feel any emotions right now. 

I usually only cry once a month, at totally random and inappropriate times, and spend most of my time numbing myself with either video games, smoking, drinking, and doing anything but thinking about the uncomfortable parts of my life. I sleep until noon or 1 everyday, and stay up until 4 am doing nothing but avoiding thinking/feeling. 

I guess I just needed this off of my chest and in hopes that someone else could relate a bit. ",10.315492957746477,9.145229117370892,9.890708920187793,62.08873943661973,58.29577464788731,12.27586854460094,42.42676056338029,11.20814326018867,4.971289577464789,954,45,148,20,10,310,136,213,0.177,0.741,0.08199999999999999,-0.9783,0,1,3,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,9,10,1,2,4,1,25,10,4,0,2,57,40,20,0,8,18,2,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,9,12,1,1,12,3,1,1,7,7,1,1,4,7,22,3,22,29,6,23,0,0,0,1,11,8,0,7,13,118,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325062408462445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376752725099327,0.0,0.0,0.12772410140808113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279112924173103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943992560322293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234307713784447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026813785269297,0.0,0.12418962575804088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075444186299356,0.0,0.0,0.0944460004539366,0.5087030868469079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226802787895962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34299512370891955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333356415880034,0.0,0.0,0.1239629817140872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454685689990158,0.0,0.09997739689775814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120176065403166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122927564299617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124268162164769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798566728966295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020398519396105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024234127976408,0.0,0.0,0.0838315615160861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848283048598184,0.0,0.0,0.12040377974267415,0.0,0.0859862031760584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243150791624055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818186572981256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025179825790255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310295046842305,0.0,0.08990878179383786,0.1131914387798577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314030649070007,0.0,0.09579423308590723,0.17407615522614878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050548530198985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244342222074726,0.0,0.0,0.19777623606251624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451813774748692,0.09328523238707832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165331033470326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031362603679709,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thr0wme4w4y123,2019/02/21,"If my bf knew half of what's going on in my head he would break up with me Why do I react so strongly?

When he responds coldly to a text , I HATE him. I'm boiling.

My thoughts are rushing and I think I'm wasting my time with him and he doesn't respect me and I even think of breaking up with him and how that would teach him a lesson. 

​

Good thing I've learned to just shut up when that happens and ignore him until he gives me more attention.

​

In two days he will probably litteraly make me cry out of happiness and I'll tell him how I want to spend the rest of my life with him and have his babies.

​

And then he will forget to call me or something and I'll hate him with a passion again. 

If he only knew how much I hate him sometimes and how often I think of breaking up with him he'd run far, far away",2.2324237560192617,3.475604056179776,3.3562118780096317,93.64573033707865,75.85393258426967,5.984590690208668,24.51203852327448,6.1826913282559595,0.4785813804173351,654,21,149,4,14,211,97,178,0.133,0.794,0.073,-0.9009999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,3,0,4,0,9,4,1,6,0,42,25,22,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,4,17,1,1,9,0,1,3,1,4,0,2,3,1,29,5,25,17,3,25,0,0,0,1,24,12,0,4,7,100,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895765532102066,0.4368974028268342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260425686928288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238159405905215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165104310273626,0.07729418392123158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916066403023869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149723035053562,0.0681142649924843,0.10052559775289943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598412313384334,0.12758395476107556,0.0,0.3549850856699143,0.1230020275653306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465452908311533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000168424930865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810450770381405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911523267058316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921998988173922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226739864522256,0.11853601634918932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047553330522461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962388897213371,0.230387652182996,0.0,0.09514855757070473,0.06988626631688792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707732088674284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069141155745486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814717122468706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027787270584996,0.0,0.4368974028268342,0.0
bpd,tankgirl320,2019/02/21,"i can’t push myself to have sex without going too deep into my history of csa/rape/abuse/etc, my last few sexual partners were:
1) someone who hated me bc i was different from everyone else they slept with before me
2) someone who idolized me
3) my best friend and her bf, who have a terribly abusive/codependent relationship

and now i can’t have sex with anyone new. everyone tells me to go on tinder or sleep with people i work with, but i really can’t. however, i REALLY want to have sex. what do i do?",3.1847058823529397,4.6486362450980385,5.462892156862747,78.60551470588237,73.80392156862746,9.41372549019608,26.47549019607843,9.827888789773867,2.65523137254902,395,14,77,11,8,139,70,102,0.052000000000000005,0.867,0.081,0.4193,2,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,1,0,1,0,11,5,2,0,0,11,16,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,3,0,17,2,12,13,2,9,0,0,0,3,10,3,0,1,3,53,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523182933422282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674124784761794,0.0,0.2179730787584676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700701511823065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735104738958455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316454433397216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969411385342625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047199645413118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360865298536667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050652117067889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930690526289302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006023191240882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399616131314222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26612166741003457,0.0,0.0,0.2229969225878025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078545211186266,0.0,0.35197473051982603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181542904901776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225095069799138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021974474732854,0.0,0.1512113638711715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xxmorticiaaaa,2019/02/21,"I officially told my family We had a long talk and I sat them down to tell them I have bpd. I was terrified I was going to be looked down upon. Yet my family was understanding. They looked up information, asked questions being completely understanding. I don't think I've ever seen my family cry like this. 

About an hour later, I went into a full blown anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe and thought I was a ""monster"" or ""better off dead"" because of admitting all of this. The surprising part is they KNEW how to make me calm down; bringing me water, calling into my work so I could stay home, and keeping me grounded mentally. Things might be ok knowing I dont have to hide this anymore.",4.414135338345865,5.9360865413533865,5.7443684210526325,77.56707894736844,70.80451127819549,9.229774436090226,29.089473684210525,9.642632912329526,2.8047750375939846,542,21,101,13,10,182,90,133,0.121,0.778,0.10099999999999999,-0.6890000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,4,2,5,6,1,0,5,1,16,2,1,2,2,24,34,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,9,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,11,3,23,5,15,17,3,19,0,0,3,0,13,10,0,3,6,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589984746189512,0.0,0.15025087152795075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163542447152394,0.1723572288831669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235519484518216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399263180758925,0.0,0.0,0.19081349397549774,0.0,0.1547021255904835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884865328732822,0.0,0.0,0.12096330514121326,0.0,0.16641960223504054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756110333912442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704368957627322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284723619278809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610299333318222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197047432902602,0.0,0.1492005384096647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346633703141223,0.0,0.0,0.08326242225027948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401701141951192,0.0,0.0,0.1340759278826475,0.2544497515694397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112983655217644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268000550339206,0.1607213889801786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406364641241186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971871715560807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148269075365349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177286338387194,0.1324208334980648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065226692361934,0.09707739625538947,0.0,0.12027694373676727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447681925185048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154412034921749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404453649201691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029643295084128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angrybitch96,2019/02/21,"It’s like I’ve quarantined myself I spend so much time alone and I don’t know how to break the cycle. For almost a year now I’ve kept myself hidden away after my first encounter with the police. I’ve been drinking myself sick and my bank account shows it. Ive tried multiple antipsychotics and have continued therapy. I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together for everyone but it’s killing me. I hate this time of year because I know I could easily take my own life from the cold but at the same time I know my family’s pain would continue even if I’m gone. 
I was studying to be a psychologist. I’m graduating this year with an honours degree but after this past nightmare, I’m done with school for now. I feel like any life I’ve had left in me has been taken away, especially hearing my friends talk about their grad school interviews. I also feel like a huge hypocrite because I’m aware of how to help others yet I can’t seem to help myself. 
",3.4772711571675288,4.962087227979276,4.651834196891193,84.628183074266,73.09326424870467,8.048221070811746,25.301899827288427,8.648137234880735,1.6835605526770303,757,24,154,14,15,249,113,193,0.10400000000000001,0.746,0.15,0.8566,0,2,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,10,8,2,0,8,0,14,5,0,2,0,24,31,12,1,3,4,0,3,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,8,6,1,2,6,2,3,1,2,3,0,1,9,5,23,5,21,19,3,23,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,18,93,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949164970836536,0.14427570763875264,0.0,0.11140041301163713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473069295499044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617591656553103,0.0,0.0,0.16983540945495773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122196478563677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255514744522024,0.0,0.13646372824086378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200819731588704,0.0,0.0,0.13310981203412525,0.0,0.0,0.13132229892453212,0.0,0.14087138045339473,0.19903592164366016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849090560004535,0.0,0.0,0.10762501142423897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478796282606693,0.1375326925590136,0.0,0.0,0.15700439980448652,0.0,0.1867434846969043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381874497813722,0.15411792839103675,0.0,0.22967155662644595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135291906046844,0.0,0.19678739967586625,0.2041689608603678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240359942073077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822801964587054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298030196766686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819637771347627,0.0,0.12681605341536192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473838248496664,0.11196632819610902,0.0,0.0,0.15930491243760087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24368577978951556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915493832596825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895672492378726,0.0,0.0,0.2691193421915646
bpd,betterthansocks,2019/02/21,"“You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself!” I hear this platitude recited to me whenever I talk to anyone about wanting to be in a relationship. 

What does it mean to love yourself? I feel like I work really hard at loving myself. I do therapy, I do self care, I look after my appearance. I’m never going to be little miss sunshine so I hope that’s not what they mean. I feel like I’m doing everything I can. I feel like I “love myself” as much as anyone else can possibly love themselves. I still have negative self talk, but who doesn’t? 

I’m just not going to have a love. It’s just not going to happen. But people have to make it my fault somehow, because I don’t love myself enough according to them. ",1.841467980295569,3.929231082758623,4.074113300492616,84.30043103448278,79.55172413793103,7.177339901477834,22.081280788177338,8.192908349453996,1.3645763546798029,557,17,110,11,14,192,77,145,0.055999999999999994,0.684,0.26,0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,2,1,6,16,0,0,2,0,13,8,0,1,1,18,41,6,0,2,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,0,7,24,14,16,39,2,11,0,1,2,8,19,3,0,3,7,77,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052214878778131,0.2004830988633628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059638136082253726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974734289802566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561438553786754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163453965422161,0.0,0.0,0.10108772164360864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792606187945691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840203084626966,0.20967591066554614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680237777967016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651346746808,0.0,0.08763922120047564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102649888041849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717032081000666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433889000019425,0.09805444547799584,0.0,0.0,0.08215514533661078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7063853779072055,0.0,0.06530433901834166,0.0,0.0,0.21313780462287524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719185688916754,0.0,0.07545490070237842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782513770993114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102920953614714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267437470235786,0.0,0.0,0.10503611238994986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412247318282706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812962218822815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572690439295174,0.0,0.0,0.11188065053118186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057704483966199024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122364571626033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meaguita,2019/02/21,"I can keep putting off the inevitable; if therapy is the next step, how do I get there? After reading many of your posts and comments, I’m encouraged to reach out for the first time like this.

I’m in the process of switching health insurance, and then I’m hoping to find someone in my area who specializes in personality disorders, so I can get a proper diagnosis.

I’m 99.9% certain that what I’ve been dealing with for the last 9-10 years (though it may have been a gradual manifestation since childhood) is bpd, and it is ruining my life.

I first “stumbled” upon it when I was going through another breakdown. I was off my fluoxetine (again) and I was at my edge. I was so tired of thinking I had things figured out, only to end up in that “deep dark hole” again. 

Through tears I googled and reviewed every disorder I had practically made myself an expert on. I thought it was depression, then anxiety. I even explored Aspergers for a couple months during my pregnancy 2 years ago. I even considered schizophrenia. 

Although I had symptoms of depression and anxiety, and behavioral patterns of Aspergers, nothing seemed to quite capture the intensity and frequency of the raw emotions, intrusive thoughts, and my raging anger. 

Next on my list was “bpd,” thinking it stood for “bipolar disorder.” When borderline showed up, I kept it in mind and went back to understand bipolar disorder. Again, many relatable symptoms, but the timing was way off. I was going through the manic/depressive wave every other hour, not over a few weeks to months. 

I went back to borderline personality disorder, and after reading that first article, it was like I was reading a book about myself. It scared me and i was in denial for a while.

I was on and off about being screened for about a year, all the while doing my research. I stayed on my fluoxetine, but I was still feeling depression and anxiety to the point where it was debilitating. I would end up looking more into bpd. Everything fit so well but I didn’t want to accidentally “fill my head” and trick myself into thinking this was it; but I felt my heartstrings being pulled as i watched people breakdown on camera, because I knew exactly how they felt. So I kept going, clicking link after link, watching interviews, educational animations, personal experiences. I now know that I really can’t avoid therapy, but the thought makes me want to stay in bed and hide. I know Zoloft isn’t “working” for me. I haven’t had a violent outburst since I’ve been on it, but I also haven’t been useful. I have just enough strength to care for my daughter and do light chores, but I’m deteriorating.

I’m really anxious about talking to a stranger, especially to a group of strangers (in person of course). I would really appreciate hearing your experiences, and any practical advice you can give. To be clear, i don’t intend to break any rules by asking for a diagnosis; I have full intent to seek one from a professional, I just need a little boost of confidence to seek help 😓

Tl:dr; I’m in the process of seeking a proper diagnosis but im struggling to overcome my anxiety to seek therapy, and would like to know what I should expect.
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bpd,lizardman1996,2019/02/21,"I think sometimes I wish I were dead. That's real, I'm not telling you a lie.",-1.4916666666666671,0.18456538888889185,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,89.55555555555556,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.8357555555555556,59,2,16,0,2,20,15,18,0.253,0.588,0.159,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211204334889369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528139720044042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001710189778637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933644167086803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264916667310997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadBPDslut,2019/02/21,"I Wish their was a cure for BPD, I’m literally the worst human being and hate being this sick. I’m just so sad. I understand why people have such misgivings about people suffering from BPD. I’m literally a disappointment and stressor to everyone I meet. ",4.587500000000002,6.7229560833333375,6.544166666666667,69.51750000000001,71.5,10.633333333333336,28.66666666666667,10.686352973137794,3.7305666666666655,204,8,35,7,4,71,35,48,0.41200000000000003,0.542,0.046,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6887440099044574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26127142096831724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699527665569837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791200057438269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846473732751134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24672553224866695,0.0,0.3144278026879088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ratcatching,2019/02/21,"Analyzing life to the point of insanity Hi I’m in a terrible mindset rn and I just need to ramble. 

In addition to my bpd I have always been an extremely analytical and logical thinker.  I spend so much time thinking about philosophy, science, the future and societal trends etc  to the point that it depresses me so fucking much.  I break everything down to the point of meaninglessness.  I can’t handle the internet anymore because it’s just a bunch of nonsense.  Nobody cares about taking care of our planet or raising our children properly.  I don’t like having to dumb myself down just to relate to others.  It feels like everyone is giving in to this hyper commodified world and not realizing the consequences.  I’m stressing out about my future because I keep hearing statistics like for example most jobs are going to become automated within the next 20 years... if we don’t have to do work then what the hell else are we going to do... work is literately what gives people’s lives meaning.  I can’t stop letting these thoughts get to me and they’re preventing me from moving forward with my life.",4.6235784313725485,7.0390851813725535,5.893725490196079,72.99343137254903,72.18627450980392,9.043137254901964,30.94117647058824,9.586721724236666,3.40439411764706,883,40,146,23,18,295,129,204,0.124,0.8,0.076,-0.8834,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,4,0,0,2,8,11,3,1,11,0,15,3,0,0,0,28,33,10,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,9,10,0,3,7,0,1,4,5,6,0,0,2,2,19,5,30,30,5,23,1,1,0,1,10,12,3,3,11,103,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585153387809252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807996396152614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697481265326329,0.1537699506270287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753568555281775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839110290133019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991965121072205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630982382847248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155279621457806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304140337057424,0.12513204853388618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703994914569668,0.09946681590174412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287170251894828,0.07274256919453889,0.26712655834327803,0.15825662900349474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692371107840306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816550839058278,0.1237551112404204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237336211499074,0.19668626541078246,0.2040640330151728,0.0,0.1229437236736656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166362249363322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479807592056592,0.2047019429888368,0.10323819012280176,0.0,0.0,0.1480739887336878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965254014830334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948555371416942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640353956399585,0.15948889933478153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468455465170028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921374791446306,0.0,0.11053404141809473,0.08118684773425594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027239819917305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896603448741317
bpd,recklessardilla,2019/02/21,"I just burned my hand with the oven, it wasn't accidentally. I'm not sad, actually, I've been very happy the last week and a half, I've been doing tons of things in my home, I've even joked with my co-workers and been more sociable with people at the office. What the fuck? Why? I hadn't done it in like 3 months.",2.1320588235294125,2.9490127941176496,3.943411764705882,91.01335294117649,75.47058823529412,7.2047058823529415,19.482352941176472,7.554174236665415,0.1302435294117652,242,4,60,3,5,82,48,68,0.048,0.675,0.27699999999999997,0.9396,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,5,0,7,2,1,0,0,7,9,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,1,5,3,7,3,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.30029165634351435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149057880959662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324705495592432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28448343717568025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32757510794645484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086696124226557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508339780223018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033711205032632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456202523475816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333524410024615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044363969905784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25390234777025794,0.0,0.0,0.24683551214751875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277670662853906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402481377288866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SJ0823,2019/02/21,"Has anyone taken themselves to the ER for suicidal ideation? When do you know you should go to the ER? Has anyone ever taken themselves to the ER when struggling with suicidal ideation? If so what happened? Were you taken seriously? Were you admitted to the hospital or an outpatient program or something else? 

I have gone to the ER several times for suicidal thoughts, but I was always taken there by ambulance or police escort, so I don’t know what it’s like to voluntarily go. Also, I haven’t been since I was under 18 so I think maybe it will be different now that I am an “adult”. 

How do you know when it’s time to go to the ER? ",3.054138181818182,5.067880552000002,4.701018181818182,81.59850909090909,75.47999999999998,8.065454545454546,27.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,2.291640000000001,499,20,96,11,11,168,68,125,0.10099999999999999,0.8640000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.7912,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,0,11,3,0,1,8,0,16,0,0,1,1,15,31,13,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,2,5,0,11,0,12,1,13,17,0,12,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,8,71,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512278446085675,0.1509989205573523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537783444082381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959921276947253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159624789082096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164151464658427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30940350141223183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604747492826184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29919616012202216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865786430385164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231262809386767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501127041515474,0.0,0.15011519469628862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970571465551326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971353306834565,0.0,0.5955014763113081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627968299612695,0.0,0.14406819124671205,0.21163511540946398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,suusaido,2019/02/21,"Progress Hello everyone! 😊 I hope that you have a wonderful day, morning, evening, wherever and whoever you are. You’re worth it. 

BPD isn’t easy. Sometimes, the situation were in seems like it’s going to last forever, or that this is it. This is my life. Is it going to get any better? It may not happen at the pace that you want. I know that we’re all in different situations, and we may struggle with different symptoms of BPD, or struggle with another mental illness. I wanted to check in with you all and let you know that it is possible and no matter how far away and lost in the sauce of your BPD and other struggles, progress is here and it happens. There are resources for you, even if you cannot afford therapy. It can feel incredibly distressing and alone when you’re struggling and don’t have the options. It may seem that this is going to last forever without resolution! 
There are people here and out there who care about you, and will help you. But most of all, you have to take care of you. You are not alone. 

After some therapy, self love, and understanding my BPD, and of course the understanding of my SO, I can see myself recognizing and realizing when and how dramatic my mood swings get. How hard the emotion gets to me. What are some of the signs of when I’m going downhill. I know the symptoms of my illness, so I know what to watch out for. Such as impulsive decisions, self destructive behaviour, disassociation, etc. I’ve seen and recognized some symptoms I’ve had in the past! One thing I’ve got to point out that’s very important is: Awareness of how your feeling, and to be as gentle as you can with yourself as you are going through a tough emotion. 


Sometimes whenever I feel this emptiness and apathy, I know the best way for me to get past it is to cry. Just have a messy cry. It helps me process my emotions and get it out, and I’ll think. “This (event) happened and it upset me, that’s ok. However it’s your BPD making the emotion feel like it was x10 worse.” And from there, I’ll cry and get it out, let myself feel, and breathe. Sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes I’ll continue and need outside help, which is fine! Some people need to work out, journal, meditate, you do what YOU need to do to feel better and help process those emotions. 

 I noticed how negative I was towards myself, and the things that I was doing that was halting my progress. 
It wasn’t an easy ride. I’m still working on myself. I’ll have days where I slip. And! That! Is! Okay! And it’s okay for you too. But please, be gentle and be safe with yourself. 


I’m proud of me, and whoever you are if you’re still reading this, Thank you. Thank you for being here. For being you. 
It’s gonna be alright. 

(Sorry this was a lot longer than I thought, but I felt that it was important 🤔 sorry if it was just one cheeseball of a post) ",2.4421854505095344,4.59845522103387,3.5773288938216794,88.26779134295231,77.89483065953654,6.872108431708876,25.55816769246292,7.902280558234669,1.4608924830995864,2213,84,455,37,53,715,223,561,0.077,0.7979999999999999,0.125,0.9619,4,2,0,0,0,0,86.0,1,24,0,10,27,28,1,6,18,4,53,8,1,6,3,107,107,53,0,9,14,0,8,2,0,5,6,0,0,2,51,43,0,2,21,1,2,6,10,9,0,2,15,11,55,18,62,79,11,40,0,1,3,1,34,18,0,19,16,322,106,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391303905930373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068033436937964,0.0627275390456189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056203802859160316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627784534979135,0.10581363425101324,0.0,0.0,0.37671230479812196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198300177665032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971316932006888,0.07715919799216106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500043477769732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364528915440128,0.0,0.0,0.06671623291984788,0.07902241849560893,0.0,0.0,0.05716153331598984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148378359196707,0.042736137525294,0.05743754544937393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752403479640395,0.0,0.16998827699641358,0.0,0.04784432200404628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869854999523805,0.0,0.05358786993619993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038703321599626,0.0,0.0,0.05941575520524135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438029793115636,0.09752420564467784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234206007549575,0.04225334455380052,0.058451042188229524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653016929125503,0.050857678756187095,0.05399079207575061,0.0,0.039930984981931886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060285502425901215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330695504109268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810661004677407,0.0,0.0,0.08107252157766986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421183525293267,0.08294470462466669,0.0,0.0,0.0656654989654907,0.05655018505394616,0.06743919423589552,0.057291986201314836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983719285415344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047669595487746366,0.10891759144616832,0.1248127082160496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344826307865372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366580120442109,0.13392943370736518,0.0,0.0,0.09554626284069463,0.0,0.0,0.250151609496287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865307860024373,0.04497795052360545,0.0,0.0,0.11015028736730226,0.13682106406052527,0.0,0.07948483446526337,0.03833088417935926,0.0,0.04749119545493974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455155064776455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935859362604292,0.07056795665590476,0.04748312888652983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576653135633888,0.0648733275228206,0.08710080739522197,0.0,0.0609627141765399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luisrof,2019/02/21,"DAE feels like daily tasks slowly become harder to do? Do you ever wonder what's the point? To survive you have to do so many things every single day, just to be mediocre, and even if you do them you will still feel like shit. So what's the point? of making calls, buying groceries, cleaning your room, working, cooking, going out to maintain friends, studying, etc... What's the point if you never enjoy any of it? What's the point of doing it for the sake of it? It's like there's no motivation for anything. How can you expect to success in anything if you can't do basic chores?",3.594106280193237,5.1474280434782616,4.271594202898552,87.19599033816428,72.91304347826087,5.458937198067634,24.082125603864736,5.033348758259628,0.4220531400966179,455,13,87,1,9,145,72,115,0.067,0.7909999999999999,0.141,0.8493,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,8,1,5,8,7,1,0,5,0,11,2,1,3,2,15,16,7,0,4,4,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,9,2,1,0,4,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,9,6,14,14,2,12,0,0,0,0,11,7,1,4,7,64,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143033255161086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276638689567057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563628961283565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163322011173204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840069361989307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745881534311945,0.11101832573889303,0.1520421884844179,0.14161856662022096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997729831363695,0.2401594143499345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986178323792816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552637981298777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24635300836019955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121978087280458,0.17041145264599694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963724377060734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6355772940826945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253647725213642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423261820025856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116679723546672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228063235231395,0.12236762670153738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PygmalionGabriel,2019/02/21,"idk I get very bad bouts of anger and violent thoughts, therapists have asked me what I do in my spare time. I don't really know, I'm super judgmental of my artwork and I hate everything I draw. I'm convinced everyone at work hates me and I'm thinking about quitting. I spend more money on weed than feeding myself, but when I do buy groceries I feel terrible for spending my money when I could be saving it. I'm also convinced that I'm a laughing stock for liking childish things that keep me distracted from thinking about hurting myself. I get mad when I lose because it shows I'm just a pathetic wannabe. Give me like 20 more years and maybe I'll be a lolcow on the internet for not trying hard enough despite my motivation and depression. Lately I've been trying to force myself to cry to let out at least some emotional baggage, but It's backfired on me since sometimes I choke back tears at inappropriate times. I'm worried my oldest cat who's helped me through childhood bullying is going to die soon and it'll be my snapping point. Give me like 20 more years and maybe i'll be a lolcow and be cursed to be laughed at by strangers and complete my story of the Most Saddest and Pathetic Person on the Internet. I've grown a crush on a friend who's been there for me for abt 3 years, just found out recently that she's got a girlfriend already. I just want to someone to stroke my hair and tell me that i'm not a monster, and that everythings gonna be ok.",5.034699248120301,5.666500418367349,5.656301467955602,82.07002685284642,68.62585034013605,8.774507697815968,32.140350877192986,8.841846274778883,2.5550911564625856,1169,49,231,19,19,379,160,294,0.25,0.637,0.113,-0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,5,12,22,5,1,11,1,17,3,1,1,0,34,43,18,1,2,7,0,4,3,2,2,1,0,0,1,13,14,1,1,7,1,5,2,3,11,0,0,5,4,34,11,33,27,7,29,0,3,0,0,11,13,0,2,17,140,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075098444879555,0.10199907117733772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923897182464455,0.0,0.0,0.09807555976263037,0.10649618907720523,0.07775130068691455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337303161577249,0.0,0.0,0.10183568261518422,0.0,0.14010409003266105,0.0,0.0,0.10985580872095584,0.0,0.13237336517534626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347290010026706,0.0,0.13178986396266862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187636315722185,0.229261547207884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449145731719433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984840235065354,0.09854228457461814,0.0,0.13327580069865422,0.2447088846687925,0.0724877440398891,0.0,0.10201076887391804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425681429961446,0.2518519728660668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549188226759025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654140880500182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336939101647993,0.0,0.0,0.07009634530201025,0.0,0.14387826314448446,0.0,0.0,0.13042516949937047,0.0,0.18693866394215528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269216187161626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25627566062157026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136888195690904,0.0,0.0,0.12057288337846075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566164377159126,0.0,0.0,0.08170969907789287,0.0,0.12593700516165293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550797027159148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806992753989106,0.0,0.12614697396464938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148146089431356,0.0,0.0,0.14809158024087474,0.08473637767227511,0.1634535845830504,0.0,0.10125785380949086,0.14874704396328914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319170994312122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052394072153866,0.07523036396796845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285553603596056,0.12952989212352836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464077304320966
bpd,Nakedratsdeservelove,2019/02/21,"How am I meant to make it to DBT in one piece? I've been making my rounds in the mental health system and have finally gotten a referral for DBT. However, the wait is so long to finally end up there. My family knows essentially nothing about my mental health (not an option), and I just can't imagine making it to DBT. It's already been months and it feels like I'm losing hope everyday, I FEEL myself getting worse and I don't know how to pull all of myself back together to last the next few months. How am I meant to survive this alone?",3.5999090909090903,4.711546763636363,5.005227272727275,83.66784090909091,72.27272727272727,8.40909090909091,24.65909090909091,8.841846274778883,1.6599090909090908,424,12,87,8,8,142,73,110,0.077,0.873,0.05,-0.4423,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,6,1,23,22,8,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,3,10,2,13,17,3,15,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,11,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510690848938815,0.1865744167250904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300054165117144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974701522628406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938540282867075,0.0,0.17097508880421275,0.12078459183379525,0.0,0.3704187554399012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833279168987578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35942983501802234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792597919534147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583436258722388,0.13781569948542616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259971164669122,0.0,0.0,0.1496228065613282,0.0,0.18914757134167096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385692766251601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340768268994738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699022449188219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980927737817395,0.0,0.0,0.16222850087933274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456710871331892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722981292948055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlexaDeLarge16,2019/02/21,"My Idea Of Self Care I just realised I literally change my bong water more often than I brush my hair.. Priorities, right? 😂 What's your ridiculous idea of being good to yourself? ",2.4911764705882358,5.275364294117646,3.689705882352944,83.74867647058825,82.52941176470588,5.752941176470588,23.20588235294117,7.1686216300943375,1.0912000000000002,142,5,26,2,4,46,28,34,0.07200000000000001,0.7440000000000001,0.185,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32606846362583475,0.0,0.3383174612103503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682421576000202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7220550172077015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27311670824347184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336324521961149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cherrycolaslut,2019/02/21,Starting therapy tomorrow And I am really nervous. I’ve seen a handful of therapists a handful of times and I’ve never been completely honest with them. But I know I need to be in order to get anything out of it. Theres so much fucked up shit that I’ve been through and done that I’ve never spoken aloud before. I know I come across as pretty normal and people would never expect the things that are in my past. I know it’s a therapists job to not judge but I can’t help but be terrified of being vulnerable and admitting to certain things. There’s so much of my life that I’ve rewritten in my head to the point where I almost forget what the truth is. Talking about the truths that I’ve managed to shove back into the deepest corner of my mind is a scary thought. ,4.006363636363638,4.971482815286628,5.158529241459182,83.49977417486974,71.16560509554141,8.002084539664159,27.011580775911987,8.296473431620573,1.7318458598726116,610,20,122,9,11,202,92,157,0.14300000000000002,0.763,0.094,-0.7849,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,2,1,9,0,12,6,4,0,6,31,23,11,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,3,13,4,23,14,2,20,0,0,1,1,4,10,2,1,8,87,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110574326346735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323968290456427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371267335416405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690354188136555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859046619613988,0.16868764206302805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464392695341445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487380417267375,0.08405715775547197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651171469983446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783960174176817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965616919706074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652589378227285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363970659157012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245066456424545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365418723202873,0.11929615532734368,0.3722594267990481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763573923656662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358546861186412,0.11153924022357373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209083458581302,0.0,0.0,0.1636805821969553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306874960852422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514886271792673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387710814057113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931540032846636,0.0,0.0,0.18398905151268088,0.3736059286774945,0.21377321399045565,0.0,0.0,0.12772682433009516,0.09381488368134468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428997185921985,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnnonymouslyMeek,2019/02/21,"Does anyone ever feel stuck in the past? For example: My nieces are all full grown adults, yet I still sometimes view them as they were the last time I saw them.

My brother is a full grown adult, but I still get the urge to engage in past activities such as watch and laugh about a specific show that he has since changed his views on, but I still see it as relevant.

It's like when a relationship of any kind is interrupted, I come back to that relationship as if stuck in time. Trying to start back from where we left off, but the other person has moved on to other things and has grown in other ways. 

This often makes it hard to relate and I become frustrated. I feel this is what sometimes triggers my BPD symptoms and interferes with my interpersonal relationships. My brain is still playing catch up. It's not just with others but also with myself. I often have private self conversations reminding myself that I am no longer 17 years old.

Just wondering if this is an aspect of BPD or perhaps some deeper issue that I may need to talk to a therapist about.",7.279596452328158,6.819362653658532,7.219645232815965,76.49470066518849,63.92682926829268,10.38137472283814,30.34368070953437,9.800150414767053,2.5752439024390235,844,24,163,15,11,270,127,205,0.075,0.84,0.085,0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,3,0,18,6,1,0,9,0,13,2,1,2,2,32,25,17,0,3,10,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,17,9,0,1,3,2,0,6,2,1,0,0,4,8,22,5,28,20,4,36,0,0,5,0,16,12,0,8,18,122,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906994778396414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424533222878866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866225362978974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905182169291289,0.0,0.0,0.13682008656825115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120549893638886,0.138295455909169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105278966764308,0.10671505104200607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841167699687873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206012269395224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252788919581014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472424926853296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097568336622116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930265477269492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900606718932045,0.0,0.10098195150368283,0.0,0.0,0.13460027106636308,0.0,0.0,0.06052343896136751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269349670237043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316690302779806,0.0,0.09185837708962948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999536301900907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365224906456373,0.0,0.10817068423149363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990149909231268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871946657596757,0.0,0.1292379749704145,0.0,0.0,0.10247808127022427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450487828865559,0.0,0.08768569542538683,0.0,0.3957355209101853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287628554130134,0.0,0.0995732240848332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438388110044664,0.08230298976741793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447545167191891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410906816420445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833331093067657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434685615713104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977720027479596
bpd,gotmusiic,2019/02/21,"How do I get help? I’ve been struggling with my mental health a lot in the past year, and I’m starting to think I may have signs of BPD. (I am not asking for a diagnosis)

I have anxiety and depression that have worsened throughout the years. I finally forced myself to see a therapist after years of trying anti anxiety medications that never worked. My therapist didn’t help me one bit - she didn’t listen to what I needed help with and kind of just tried to help me cope with deep breathing. I mentioned my symptoms many times and tried to talk about things I thought may be going on (adhd, bpd) and she wouldn’t listen. 

I ended up taking a leave of absence from school this semester because I don’t think I can do it. And I don’t know how to get help for this. I feel like I need a diagnosis and I have no idea where I’m supposed to go for that...

Sorry for the rant, I’m in a bad place and feel really scatter brained. Thanks in advance for any help ",2.7066730769230785,4.2958740358974365,4.10979166666667,87.30468750000001,75.30769230769229,7.131410256410258,24.49519230769231,7.865858978985527,1.2178269230769234,747,24,157,11,16,247,109,195,0.146,0.743,0.111,-0.5908,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,9,0,17,5,2,2,1,30,39,10,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,8,11,0,0,7,0,0,3,8,3,0,1,4,5,23,3,27,31,2,21,0,1,1,0,13,8,0,3,11,101,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370552430187352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755185997311452,0.0,0.17448226172002054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661303592134404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521955664186367,0.06951839726742758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450334696076508,0.0,0.2872615514570926,0.12730758545125534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982234340175256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100656714977578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532521541177525,0.08147098603122684,0.0,0.12492645291907498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916353780899325,0.0,0.12962437265136872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122035858784977,0.0,0.0,0.4586360805885834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873852298933255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875625858033652,0.06267400720821699,0.0,0.0,0.120753060747113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571472198217963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695366674336432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561977793511286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488441249864086,0.1149266080286066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912006419693665,0.08795552824735459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727720209929335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886513584650917,0.0,0.0,0.11914867914354176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305765010893138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541568355377285,0.0908759933159098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765967696875768,0.08071887893809007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922052075306674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185323705010688,0.08574471608841684,0.0916619179603605,0.0,0.1049937247853258,0.0,0.26482101820012155,0.07576384078440768,0.14614586672428434,0.0,0.09053589644655284,0.06649828365080825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322792671417773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302328045444828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031619204573166
bpd,CH112233,2019/02/21,"Is scratching considered self harm? Hi all. I’m over a year self harm free and i’m pretty proud of it but today i had the worst day i’ve had in years.. i didn’t cut (i don’t have a razor) but i scratched my skin with my very sharp nail over and over again. it left very red marks but i’m sure they will go away fast
compared to my cutting marks. 

My question is, is this considered self harm? or more of a “better” alternative/coping method. Would i consider this a relapse? ",-0.16200466200466224,2.111021020202024,1.444646464646464,98.269020979021,91.32323232323229,4.662315462315462,17.716394716394717,6.297961479604792,-0.31736425796425793,367,10,85,4,13,118,64,99,0.187,0.6859999999999999,0.127,-0.8086,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,1,10,2,0,5,0,10,1,1,0,2,11,14,6,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,3,5,10,5,9,9,3,13,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,2,6,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876852677171647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710851510474968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643934512955633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023499360606928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22986164911500084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152335979194498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23699674171688456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6621127985768186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993937418976487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005350939586626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491199683821168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502868667694056,0.0,0.0,0.2724766996628276
bpd,everystatisticever,2019/02/21,"BPD and Premonitions Does anyone else sometimes feel triggered and not know why only for
Something bad to
Happen and then that feeling go
Away? 
Last month I just had this random “I feel like someone’s gonna get in a wreck soon “ it just kept popping in my head. A week later my car caught fire while I was driving it. Instead of panic I felt calm because the anxiety of i guess worrying about someone having a wreck was eating at me, and I knew that’s the event I was pre worried about. 

This happens to me a lot. I will
Be overwhelmed will anxiety and worry and literally sick and not know why. Then something bad will happen and boom it goes away. Am I crazy?",2.760470737913483,4.873661732824427,3.710248091603052,87.90572837150131,76.70992366412213,5.893384223918575,25.4204834605598,6.816661863887847,1.023854452926208,521,19,102,5,12,167,84,131,0.252,0.695,0.053,-0.9798,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,6,0,10,3,1,1,0,24,26,11,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,7,8,1,1,7,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,8,6,13,2,12,13,1,18,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,3,10,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099025514993441,0.0,0.0,0.09592762720044387,0.14056911023278082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577922383156723,0.0,0.22909867965644515,0.0836307875581816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278814477788615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005738205779083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038136006184102,0.11460606212532833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081047385147936,0.098009778601808,0.13172554748525314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167700139035457,0.0,0.07796920525847964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113212577324708,0.0,0.3639545043174614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079826502581552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079394198594964,0.11182954704194828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702493528483545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663547816284507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950510684767324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434047070021488,0.0,0.16096490151234627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324841660954436,0.21123374800944006,0.13568610026507982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004690726098558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24758834268480964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41797449540699866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,my_lez_account,2019/02/21,"Keeping Score So a couple of years ago I went to a psychiatrist hoping to get help for BPD after working on it myself for years already. After ten minutes he dismissed me and told me I didn’t actually have BPD, and all my issues were just transitional issues because I was in university. 

Anyway, I’m seeing a therapist now who I’ve been working with for a few months and I’ve started keeping score in my head when she calls me on stuff that are straight up BPD symptoms. She told me today that was “rigid” and “black and white” and I thought wow, sure sounds like something a person with BPD would do!! 

I haven’t actually brought BPD up with her because I’m scared of how she’ll react, but I’m hoping after enough sessions together her reaction will be “no shit Sherlock.”",7.1594205298013245,6.5404560927152335,7.400389072847682,75.62389486754967,64.23178807947019,9.669205298013246,35.431291390728475,8.841846274778883,2.9630192052980133,614,25,115,8,8,200,95,151,0.07400000000000001,0.823,0.10300000000000001,0.3365,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,1,2,5,0,13,3,2,2,2,22,28,10,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,9,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,10,4,17,5,19,14,3,20,0,0,3,0,12,7,1,2,12,76,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.21307212000812534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677433303374708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047394464844335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331003961639428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6874911499060563,0.0,0.11147675145948513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079666923696135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280379201923432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057037829963412515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204190108274603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317564656852417,0.0,0.0,0.21686472859164094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789427208786125,0.0,0.1940740633770254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053335892795867146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713999669834692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095324722402327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109300151809888,0.0,0.08699589739971425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206342210331104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404588897268017,0.0,0.0,0.07727245726940132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249757460488872,0.0,0.0,0.10289325643650432,0.11347144131684105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675703058638413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866703215102746,0.0,0.0,0.10348222893474107,0.2086369240891284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120347719259447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589569373529675,0.0,0.0,0.0775526100988707,0.0,0.0,0.14060629317930612
bpd,krysterra,2019/02/21,"My therapist hates me. Not really. I know logically it isn't true. But I can't help feeling like I'm wasting his time. Then this week I wrote the date down wrong and missed a session, so I Actually wasted his time. 

We were supposed to talk about whether I feel I need weekly sessions. It's been two weeks already and he couldn't get me in for a week to make up for today. I want to tell him yes, I cannot manage biweekly right now. But his schedule is packed with his real patients. I just take up a valuable time slot. 

I want to cancel the makeup appointment and never go back :'( ",1.9087547746371316,3.847199554621852,3.5030404889228417,89.21588999236059,78.66386554621847,6.3440794499618045,23.423223834988537,7.348242739294969,0.9063210084033616,453,15,96,6,11,150,85,119,0.201,0.708,0.091,-0.9085,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,1,7,0,0,1,2,23,21,8,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,3,2,19,3,12,17,0,21,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,16,60,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.17251236397352196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508178721576191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593336881874948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877116530100345,0.12629209543654646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092360566765214,0.0,0.10046848847216903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745342427725674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849230931147303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715399414335216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636607126734837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118002422732487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108057437532375,0.1363440963305534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121502416083364,0.1132501786143908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096966585856542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291701002940287,0.14208954935821852,0.1545140356769481,0.0,0.0,0.2052559011088571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092465671880593,0.0,0.16756733768923507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268895825507388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085395553464512,0.0,0.5672109339524529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328183381165231,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway678533899,2019/02/21,"I feel like this relationship is the only thing that’s stopping me from killing myself and I can tell it’s about to end I’m in a situationship (which obviously is killing me) but I agreed because he said he didn’t want anything serious and I didn’t want to lose him. I know I’m using the handful of things we have in common as proof that he’s the one for me. Deep down I know he doesn’t care about me and I’m a rebound until he gets over the last relationship he was in and using me for sex and playing house until someone he actually wants to be with comes along. I become emotionally lucid (like right now) and cry every time I think about it too much. He says he cares and does sweet things but for an outsiders perspective it  probably looks like he’s doing the bare minimum. In those moments I have such low self esteem and think that I don’t deserve anything and when I even get scraps they are so precious to me. This is super upsetting for me but I’m addicted to all of it and being with a person who will be affectionate and spend time with me. Ultimately I know I’m being strung along but I’m able to delude myself to enjoy whatever falsely intimate moments I’m having. When he said he wanted to keep things casual I went home and self harmed. The thought of losing him upsets me so much because he is the one thing in my life that I feel good about or look forward to. I can’t keep looking for that I have been in too many dangerous and traumatizing relationships and it’s exhausting. In a way I have put all my eggs into one basket with him and if it doesn’t work out which it probably I will be devastated. Even while I’m with him my baseline is a little bit above passively suicidal so anything negative from would drive me over the edge. I want to get ahead of this and try to start getting over him without having to go to the psych ward. I’ve only tried to kill myself once and I feel like I’m back in that same place which scares me. I won’t tell him this or use it to manipulate him into staying that isn’t what I want I jut want to know how to prepare for the event so I don’t act on my thoughts. 

TLDR. My fp is emotionally unavailable and I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it when he inevitably decides to end it.  Advice from anyone in a similar situation",3.384488498789345,4.565414985169493,4.869428571428575,84.17072881355934,72.87711864406779,8.021404358353509,25.985714285714288,8.505502328695277,1.625447021791767,1811,59,382,31,35,608,212,472,0.145,0.7390000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,1,5,19,28,4,4,17,0,36,6,1,5,4,71,84,37,4,9,8,0,4,4,0,5,3,3,1,3,32,30,1,3,12,2,1,7,12,14,0,3,9,11,53,14,65,64,6,51,0,3,3,1,35,23,0,3,25,253,85,2,0.15020317675580386,0.0,0.07328831672246608,0.08187181674270842,0.0,0.07338840296976569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251277679273516,0.0,0.18540662449491396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057748485718214226,0.0,0.0915624624148552,0.08294380393126022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199148336781388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314214921951347,0.0,0.0,0.06469336843846522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249556833421567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572190609017506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895835705539358,0.13303543194080772,0.0,0.0,0.09920778164731026,0.0,0.063276327313329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392085890233825,0.10730517948636008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569499208948156,0.0,0.042681963391945014,0.06299164916065772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533301655226303,0.0,0.0,0.08665714965582799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350748491965064,0.24926634094232555,0.0,0.1650954755851229,0.06121781820346466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053046472889145234,0.14676337021474026,0.0752715214498466,0.0,0.0,0.18919925825722064,0.16803893430509725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614122295478959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041661751453843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998074057177447,0.1526723397877512,0.11423628433715605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557581016827997,0.07846517529663899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194442906338227,0.0,0.0,0.07549783951768932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189299979906045,0.0,0.06413634612662092,0.1428776172761489,0.0597237974351445,0.07518979154430175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669467145194185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441733196996487,0.0,0.0,0.06363333211873035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053157290799632995,0.08004830062654783,0.0,0.06278829071044573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214894820438394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312841969575777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24947079107496015,0.0962441307266626,0.0,0.11924454448645355,0.08758468026825983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197809742172198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459097780320925,0.0,0.0,0.3100780384824221,0.059612145163181786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961992483693212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239525118986642,0.0,0.054674850794713216,0.0,0.0,0.0533500136138244,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Broccoli_In_The_Butt,2019/02/21,"DAE feel like they have no one to talk about their hardships with? I have this intense moral objection to talk about people behind their backs (even if I don't use names or I am really upset about it) or upsetting people in anyway... I feel like shoving all this shit down leads to my blow ups but I can't bring myself to talk about these things...

It's been around two years and I still haven't truly talked about the fight that lost me my best friend (for 10 years previous)...",5.078771929824561,5.5404638421052645,4.620789473684212,90.13469298245614,68.47368421052633,8.017543859649122,22.149122807017545,7.793537801064563,0.618122807017544,375,6,81,4,6,113,68,95,0.17800000000000002,0.682,0.14,-0.2484,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,3,3,10,9,2,2,1,0,7,1,1,2,1,13,12,5,0,1,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,2,2,13,4,16,10,2,10,1,1,0,0,10,4,1,3,6,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702244893340731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703477728562936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067140980921813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629763272660832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337105159347648,0.2732122404794953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773449063878674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683883382249844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873694794226846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957421133605962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651328582631338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224990959528688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962824469825266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270687790104245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6147748834904009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127036689356539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679212276845947,0.0,0.0,0.1651508879540105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462761422806962
bpd,pewpewandothernoise,2019/02/21,"Ever have a moment of shock that you can function at all? I completed my masters, have a full time job, and pay my own rent. I sometimes socialize and even care for plants and a pet. Sure, I cut corners sometimes. Leaving work a few hours early here and there because I am emotionally and mentally deflated. I lash out at whoever has the honor of being closest to me, but try to keep that to a minimum. I am absolutely floored that I can do these things considering the types of thoughts I think in my head on a daily basis. My secret? Internalize. It's an awful coping mechanism and I'm scared that one day I will absolutely blow, full mental break down. I put on a decent front (I think?) but inside I feel so insecure, so tired from the emotional swings, so lonely and disconnected from everyone and my own body. I am barely making it. ",2.734166666666667,5.123057895061726,4.674799382716053,79.58034722222226,78.07407407407408,8.000617283950618,26.174382716049386,8.841846274778883,2.3480234567901235,657,26,122,16,16,224,107,162,0.166,0.787,0.047,-0.9698,2,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,1,2,11,1,11,3,2,1,3,21,19,13,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,8,9,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,5,0,1,1,1,20,3,16,16,6,21,0,1,0,0,3,12,0,0,6,90,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340999677172943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884300250043139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295765905304306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786263946681605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094027369778086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816407444022669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204456618255328,0.1534476487264711,0.0,0.1620967650610576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577427430866874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409794355524147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705965724123628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833994069310462,0.15078240820992692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962257636635914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323495217477356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419112244347573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149513730714338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705334508244974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983763642428573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292499017804966,0.0,0.0,0.3355534391116177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988218852220207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270021805580868,0.21739487963196935,0.0,0.13467394426899884,0.098917517778817,0.19497439099559527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517334120381252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349877875846167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trutrog,2019/02/21,"Anyone not struggle with self harm? So I know its a very big trait of BPD to struggle with self harm issues but does anyone not have any self harm issues but still have a BPD diagnosis?

Also does anyone struggle with the idea of self harming? Its hard to explain but for some reason sometimes the idea of self harming and being a ""cutter"" and self harming somehow helping and being a release of feelings (yeah i know its messed up to think like this) but it just doesn't do much for me and i still try sometimes hoping it will make me feel something then I'm just left with regret and a pain in the ass to hide it.

Sorry to ramble could you guys share your experiences with anything like this?",3.3190931372549035,5.41059703676471,3.6667647058823536,88.95960784313728,74.95588235294117,5.121568627450982,23.833333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.4011098039215693,551,17,105,2,12,171,76,136,0.267,0.61,0.12300000000000001,-0.9814,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,7,16,0,3,8,1,8,2,1,2,0,33,17,12,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,7,8,10,0,0,9,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,0,3,7,4,18,13,2,7,0,1,0,1,12,4,1,3,5,70,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150285542223955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930694207706949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378786029817573,0.0,0.08386887060166245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567213696061952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137229899456687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837621668332704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969422007412668,0.0,0.0,0.10306442717609098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091368911817512,0.0,0.0,0.09129746486295608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831270559430991,0.0,0.0,0.10122641242532636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23010340071798066,0.0,0.2127493919877995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202165335102493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073293847331313,0.0,0.0,0.09958283426335923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680302781706287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492059977760489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844669717212148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104787479697559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6379289113210777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846055810967538,0.20159670989784767,0.11408755174045325,0.0,0.0,0.16278183075517974,0.0,0.0,0.31963681061016663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530419208110907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919484036909976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409206174127952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,karennahir,2019/10/25,Ever feel like you're not gonna survive BPD? I feel like this mental illness is gonna end me someday soon...,1.7265217391304368,3.3562731739130456,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,78.13043478260869,4.6000000000000005,24.54347826086957,3.1291,0.180408695652174,85,3,18,0,2,28,19,23,0.114,0.675,0.21100000000000002,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439198683961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30886104415004606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31543580515740616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35264505520806577,0.4982490648598266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407324432762632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35142618106903256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bleurusse,2019/10/25,"DAE have a hard time distinguishing between actual feelings and just obsessive thoughts? I’ve been seeing this guy that I really shouldn’t be seeing and he’s easily become my fp and logically part of me knows I should break things off because the situation regarding our relationship is just. not ideal but also I’m steadily becoming more and more obsessed with him. I feel genuine distress if I don’t physically see him and it makes me paranoid if he’s out of my gaze for even a minute. I’m worried that my clinginess and obsessiveness is gonna destroy our relationship because I always push people away in the process of trying to avoid abandonment 🤪 

It drives me especially mad because I can’t tell if I’m falling in love with him or not. All I know is I genuinely feel like I cannot be without him without falling apart. He joked about leaving me the other day and even though I recognized it as a joke it absolutely crushed me and my first thought was “well ill just kill myself then” and it made me feel terrible because that’s so manipulative and guilt trippy but I can’t really help feeling this way. :/ I just wish I could distinguish between my emotions to know if I actually feel something for him or if my stupid brain is just making him my emotional support person.",7.198122448979593,7.323865444897957,7.70683673469388,70.97780612244901,63.938775510204074,10.918367346938775,37.09183673469389,10.608840637214634,4.0317346938775485,1034,48,184,24,14,342,143,245,0.244,0.637,0.11900000000000001,-0.9889,0,1,1,0,0,1,10.0,2,0,0,2,13,19,4,6,6,0,16,3,1,4,1,57,40,24,1,10,18,0,7,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,12,13,0,2,14,2,0,4,9,12,1,1,5,10,36,7,20,29,4,16,0,1,3,1,18,6,0,7,5,128,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.22106283049364456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057889241936333,0.09424650327249967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641726841352858,0.0,0.0,0.2761839541907649,0.2501871087910189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644247325333746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043379742170277,0.0,0.0,0.07304729098029462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548183279175493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962243641780212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436245863932921,0.08091735410472235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963441220805732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215128774227047,0.0,0.0,0.10146421502829682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591990708603089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531220377224805,0.0,0.18674432757517148,0.0,0.0,0.11993248948721548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055336115433170484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222711489081616,0.1071751617287933,0.1512120579273667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226561935175733,0.0,0.07852448096477319,0.0988996258613081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512238115437684,0.0,0.0,0.2432108945580723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707753504275756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731588868844554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719780939405285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285330750866277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899960006050568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524899147207981,0.0,0.11128340892016564,0.17984132876816425,0.06604639795897768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690027507990202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990539100164206,0.0,0.0,0.10183986390697196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025047284708838,0.21836903694943732,0.0,0.0,0.1150272647419518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candlesticcs,2019/10/25,i am a bad person i don’t know what is real. i sometimes think my FP is doing something wrong and i get really mad. but then i am irrationally mad and mean. and then i dissociate and nothing feels real. i hate myself i want to die i want to relieve everyone of me. but i know i can’t kill myself because that makes everything worse. but i am a bad person. i don’t deserve anything good. why is my partner being nice to me when i was so mean. am i an abuser... am i just as bad as they were. i feel like i am in a dream. i don’t know,-1.5768220338983063,0.3682059576271186,1.9862500000000016,93.95784957627122,95.35593220338984,4.644915254237289,17.54449152542373,6.322622252153567,-0.16334067796610174,405,12,96,5,16,147,65,118,0.292,0.537,0.17,-0.9674,0,0,1,0,1,2,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,12,4,0,4,0,17,0,0,1,0,21,30,13,2,2,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,2,26,4,7,27,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,68,28,0,0.0,0.1864878625906252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952303871766244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942558617514316,0.09594680122744856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335162041121892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039809092400594,0.14145687534944487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916773047946495,0.11244333600603464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223262276701006,0.0,0.0,0.1320158301034561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539541439072105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741347377249109,0.0,0.25950125785848643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689546315204565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050626804707804,0.0,0.0,0.34289955920153203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102517264148402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748632597947288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583009450111901,0.10083155119616737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117070175078105,0.15566811782567813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085264459468582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856718206417884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420249061106018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039940319677665,0.0,0.17208720868888994,0.0,0.0
bpd,dannyhowyoufeell,2019/10/25,"DAE dissociate badly when waking up in the middle of a dream? So, I was having really more of a nightmare today when I was taking a nap, it felt so real. After I woke up, it literally felt like I was living in a simulation or another dream world, I kept looking around for clues to see if I was in a dream, which I’m not. Something just feels off and I don’t know what it is. I literally don’t feel like I actually woke up, and that literally none of this is real, even though I’m sure deep down that it is",3.3798412698412723,3.6231833333333365,6.051216931216931,79.15833333333335,72.14814814814815,9.134391534391536,24.68783068783069,9.23628265651192,1.7047497354497352,392,10,87,8,7,143,65,108,0.031,0.835,0.134,0.802,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,6,0,10,1,1,0,1,16,23,9,0,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,6,9,3,15,14,2,16,0,0,2,0,0,12,0,2,6,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.20768717770648126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316629767348292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945999009176775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777005654717672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405693642472118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522213203433288,0.15204271893161062,0.4086920851802315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696343602155836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079517685337091,0.0,0.187928987707678,0.0,0.17871998216034166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844844684467842,0.13634158983983188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959452416674933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384361762489222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058569871564524,0.0,0.16001843604918498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091001646235587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173387367068735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zul_rage_mon,2019/10/25,"Those moments I hate those moments where when you finally are at peace, even for a moment, and you know your whole world is going to be burnt to the ground. Those moments of finally accepting all of your lie and manipulations are the sweetest you'll ever have in your life. Those moments where life is finally getting on track again and then you realize that would be the time to die just so you could not being stuck in your own propaganda. Those moments of clarity and peace? Yeah fuck those moments. Thanks brain for just readjusting my cognitive abilities to fuck me over even harder. Thanks constant doubt of myself for even questioning these words that I'm say, let alone for the words everyone else has been saying. I hate those moments where I feel like everyone else when I know I'm not.",8.219391891891894,8.065994993243244,7.252027027027029,76.01966216216219,61.905405405405396,11.183783783783785,34.71621621621622,10.686352973137794,3.566781081081081,641,24,117,14,8,196,85,148,0.151,0.696,0.153,-0.168,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,9,0,0,13,9,4,1,5,1,14,5,1,1,2,22,28,8,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,10,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,3,16,4,17,19,3,29,0,0,0,2,12,10,2,2,19,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702470556193614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584710306552689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340515424977644,0.0,0.11334116388860467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732901956890262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371738216986716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812839044295073,0.12840829094435288,0.0,0.27129211482675525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177775653377105,0.10141415438134226,0.0,0.4665210720952571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624740350986632,0.0741667065092116,0.0,0.08067747047158569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803064210817698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603177897651282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516071510304815,0.2005369439468404,0.06935305059703895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590243992890337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22577990894084146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613899826956801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277630519498701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848999158836094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084222481668442,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,izzybabes2004,2019/10/25,"Work Right so I work at my families hotel, you’d think it’d be good working for family right but oh lord is it not, because my friend and I started at the same time we used to work together a lot, now the manager doesn’t allow us to work together atall. I don’t know if I’m paranoid or doing something wrong or if he’s just an asshole but anyway yeah, sorry",-0.6803896103896108,1.5064414805194843,2.1581818181818204,92.05727272727276,95.23376623376623,5.397402597402598,19.98701298701299,6.980632752743323,0.6457896103896106,282,10,61,5,11,98,59,77,0.147,0.763,0.09,-0.6643,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,2,1,0,5,4,3,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,2,0,16,12,8,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,9,2,7,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,3,38,10,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338501491984875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35069202283911005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370458510682507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600954564866046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222176462229808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813214030153072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176891652180671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319332849139735,0.0,0.208213867792198,0.1316530825286599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918248931474815,0.0,0.0,0.10845918749947946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373735051660215,0.16064589745316996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6770578913672028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336384824805254,0.0,0.0
bpd,PsychyHex,2019/10/25,"DAE keep doubting the abuse they experienced and think ""maybe my bpd made me think it happened that way and I'm crazy"" Like I feel uncomfortable telling people I have been sexually assaulted/legal definition raped and very mentally abused because while I know what happened, my brain switches to ""You're lying and being over dramatic"" ""You misunderstood what happened"" ""It's your fault you feel that way"" ""Those people are innocent and you're trying to bash them"" 

​

LIKE DUDE I SWEAR IT HAPPENED, I'M NOT EVIL AND WOULD NEVER MAKE UP THINGS BUT WHAT IF I MISUNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING AHHHHHH I feel like I make a mockery of abuse victims even though I don't know how I would be? Everyone around me sides with me but they weren't there. What if I'm just crazy? I would hate to be that ex girlfriend who tells people a guy treated me so badly and it not be true. Idk idk idk it's insane I can't fully believe myself",2.2101763975155286,5.073154554285715,3.1556770186335434,85.98988819875778,86.31428571428572,6.014906832298138,23.03726708074534,7.423996415210882,1.2757453416149058,737,27,137,13,23,234,107,175,0.275,0.665,0.06,-0.9887,0,0,0,0,3,0,21.0,0,3,3,0,7,12,4,1,3,0,13,2,1,4,2,34,32,15,0,5,7,1,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,15,9,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,4,24,5,8,22,0,8,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,3,5,84,39,0,0.0,0.42412664284912027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292839556499032,0.14498774113888968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622074268322801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962782131730327,0.07273680644485955,0.0,0.0,0.13443359672626276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502802760757446,0.1332013907960026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881021350004185,0.0,0.0,0.11401606608315185,0.10723777375543893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099643118962608,0.08524274975772156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814627729483138,0.4220596921017381,0.0,0.0,0.117804512858768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605774280667582,0.0,0.0,0.1311510998704732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488223728853464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290415501806048,0.1592950209119649,0.0,0.1198737060246818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024722623255504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202749898379442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481659004348669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858314578972872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927138770842578,0.1529118051980928,0.11723200645551347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101093983439428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984520943748742,0.0,0.1894224751121917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542860586128004,0.0,0.14498774113888968,0.0
bpd,LesBPD,2019/10/25,"When I do it it's clingy/obsessive, when they do it it's normal/okay. I'm sure most of us have been there: chatting with friends about dating obsessions, being told to slow it down. Sure, great. I should be my own individual.

But now I feel like basically all of those friends are now meeting somebody new and spending even more time than I ever did with my dates and when I ask why we haven't been hanging out as much it's a simple, ""I have a SO now.""

Like what? So I get accused of being crazy for wanting to spend all my time with someone but then as soon as they do it it's just common sense?

Ridiculous. And I want to be clear, I don't want to be in that couple that doesn't ever do anything else but see each other. I like being my own individual nowadays. I'm just pissed that so many of my friends are unavailable now, even via text, because they're so far up their SO's ass.",1.2504564564564582,3.2189057243243258,2.7696846846846843,93.51116366366371,80.94594594594595,5.408408408408409,21.62912912912913,6.42735559955562,0.1858768768768768,689,21,156,6,18,225,103,185,0.099,0.754,0.14800000000000002,0.6495,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,3,0,21,12,2,1,2,0,21,2,2,0,7,27,31,18,0,4,5,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,3,0,0,4,2,20,9,21,20,8,24,0,0,1,1,12,5,2,1,21,113,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397584327717305,0.0,0.1587713205749504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352887564844004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879174474097772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187402870116525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243467425108396,0.3072481005606485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587287937296431,0.12132902818999047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936386337864497,0.0,0.08873095160837237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872419435832192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24891608914794774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218443006241474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484710396265387,0.0,0.0,0.16402617399348046,0.0,0.0,0.16640069118967166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533524622610207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389930445879082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201319742897557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806246431244776,0.0,0.0,0.16228310953403366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428869155169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005164515866737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532482443979531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheOtherPuffling,2019/10/25,"I wish I could see how the people who hate people with BPD suffered. Maybe then I wouldn't hate them back. (CW: Stigma, abuse, violence) We know this illness has a stigma. We know some people hate us, claim we're all abusive, claim we can't love, Etc. A lot of these people were very badly hurt by someone who they think/know had BPD. I know for some of us who are very low functioning it can be a Herculean task to try to take care of us and that responsibility can get difficult on a partner. I don't think that's any excuse for them to perpetuate stigma like they're doing, though, and I wanna see them hurt. I'm vengeful. But I wouldn't hurt them myself; I'm vengeful, not evil.

I wish that I had a mirror like Belle's from Beauty and the Beast, that could show me the darkest hour of every single one of these people and their partners.  I want to know if the abuse they suffered at the hands of their partners who may or may not have had BPD was really so severe as to cement that bigotry in their minds like that. 


Besides, it's really hard to watch someone, even someone you despise like Hell, be-- for example-- gored in the face with a piece of pottery, or screamed at until they were whimpering and sobbing in a corner, terrified for their lives. You can't help but feel some kind of pity for people in that situation, no matter who they are. Maybe if I were able to see all of their blood and their tears and their pain in HD, I wouldn't hate them anymore for lashing out. 

I don't want to hate these motherfuckers. They're human just like us, and they suffer almost as much as we do. I just want to sit them down and ask them why the fuck they let themselves think we're all as evil as their exes. I want them to look at me and see that every time they make a blanket statement about BPD and they think they're only talking about their ex, they're talking about me. And everyone else with BPD. I don't deserve that. Neither do you. I wish I could make them see it.",4.475528486476115,4.993759389027435,4.843952618453868,87.80401831958565,69.8229426433915,7.465988873968924,25.398139267216568,7.1686216300943375,0.925633723383848,1549,40,331,13,26,490,176,401,0.20199999999999999,0.7120000000000001,0.086,-0.9937,0,0,0,0,2,0,49.0,8,3,26,0,10,31,10,0,15,0,32,7,3,3,3,68,68,28,0,16,10,1,3,5,3,5,2,1,0,4,21,20,0,0,9,1,0,0,12,23,0,1,7,11,59,8,51,50,12,19,1,9,7,2,53,13,3,11,10,220,80,0,0.06498754901929248,0.23099885623561325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507564291081497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419376185113191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644501859517923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607545856587768,0.0,0.0,0.0499714137538352,0.054261888899373216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092477149639786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625913741826618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566180942073868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428875818546674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247829583927205,0.04292366321507055,0.0,0.10950962587751974,0.062098388068163764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032859657441519634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007994187292232,0.03395331210041063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058216079065772086,0.32080875121360514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355978422889136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399964503914098,0.0,0.2087115459888344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767453175011269,0.17857728684884494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645417191338321,0.0,0.15874816901464867,0.0,0.057385196411127014,0.0,0.05457317364374496,0.0,0.0,0.055250090199457175,0.058653800273227426,0.0,0.08675938721393225,0.0,0.13057745582031913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561889864173857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777332609240747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403724510646068,0.049425959480287086,0.06915133411941764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703251027666687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326537600611379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589333130102025,0.0,0.0,0.07341743242141,0.0,0.0,0.07304872796925044,0.0,0.0,0.16519121817443647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048862549062241765,0.10446906043420524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656558931737764,0.06384993695164606,0.0,0.03789476244917474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412227988934502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31268807905739016,0.0,0.0,0.1072430679752745,0.15332536072365682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058641154823281985,0.0,0.224197422416532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Xarelta,2019/10/25,"I’m sick of lashing out I know that a huge part of having BPD is explosive rage, but I’m really really sick of it. I lash out at everyone I care about and then minutes later turn around and feel absolutely awful. I’m sick of it. I need help. Does anyone have any tips for helping stop the rage, or control it & work through it?

thank you",0.5870774647887345,2.811340718309861,2.8289964788732402,90.58743838028171,85.47887323943661,6.366901408450705,20.142605633802816,7.645422480735847,0.7617169014084513,265,8,58,5,8,90,51,71,0.27699999999999997,0.5539999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.8988,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,12,12,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,11,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593099185276885,0.0,0.16275007356814958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673424958056601,0.0,0.0,0.21305112450091584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014230648313941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440090872035316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684247672777164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094360356841124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286865114719421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210105553821402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32083071415126496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152746159130455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745740011550767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591670332046512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066370796023912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008748187757108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22033947914247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603182624830269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742323782629442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,doctor-xxx,2019/10/25,"Do we think Kanye is Bipolar or BPD? A theory With the release of Kanye West’s new album, I thought it’d be interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts on my theory. I think Kanye was misdiagnosed as being bipolar and may actually be more BPD. He’s talked about how being on bipolar medication made him feel worse and even kind of exacerbated his negative thoughts and feelings. I also just look at how he has such an inflated sense of himself and I think it causes him to relate to the world differently. I think he feels that the world doesn’t understand him and therefore there’s something wrong with all of us. That’s why he’ll lash out so aggressively when he thinks he’s being wronged. And i even think it’s worth considering all of this as to why he’s such a polarizing figure. I don’t know, it’s not my place to speculate, just something I’ve thought about",3.8693109243697488,5.766223494117647,5.041008403361347,80.54882352941179,72.88235294117648,8.621848739495798,28.61344537815126,9.23628265651192,2.477462184873949,694,28,137,16,14,229,97,170,0.098,0.873,0.028999999999999998,-0.904,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,0,14,5,1,0,6,0,13,4,0,5,2,38,32,14,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,7,10,0,0,16,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,6,5,16,2,20,18,3,10,0,0,1,0,16,8,0,2,2,85,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.12410574882820513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017028620020108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32034826130645816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306451191941204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287219263067954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167997527867225,0.0,0.0,0.12152242957129847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929125150297387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333696236257396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243457317034432,0.0698927828538852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679608371355173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033731471214724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811676887657095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282768819383512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287219263067954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581309814702924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221951353278363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889367275025964,0.0,0.4038551886301686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239504054166995,0.15297746144121416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295137065126276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296035412318345,0.0,0.27809469614323423,0.0,0.0
bpd,mainstreethooker,2019/10/25,I’m incapable of forgiveness I want to reconcile with my favorite person but I legitimately remember every single thing that they did that hurt me and I claimed to have moved on from. Logically I know that their intentions were never malicious but I just get so angry and can’t let go. I want to start a new relationship with the person but my mind won’t let these things go. I just want to move on.,2.5859810126582303,5.0201337215189925,4.392895569620254,81.1561787974684,78.87341772151899,8.506962025316456,23.799050632911392,9.188382445141503,2.178758227848101,320,11,63,9,8,108,54,79,0.154,0.7509999999999999,0.095,-0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,20,16,6,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,2,0,12,1,10,11,1,9,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570159490033645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275111292005372,0.0,0.2235423485469349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053757157472666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808379996448464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022134925798959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198579002958162,0.0,0.0,0.418054733768669,0.0,0.0,0.15168278117712689,0.1899435498025044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434464923338493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211148242235228,0.22278693970886174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920289372143654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26131546957506074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480003233550645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fluffyhummus,2019/10/25,"I get so upset when I try to explain how I feel because I feel so much that its beyond overwhelming I am so tired of writing posts like this. I'm tired of typing out texts and erasing them before I send them. I could never imagine being successful at conveying my emotions to someone IRL. Im so mad because I know i'll never lose this feeling of restlessness. Everything just feels wrong, I feel so detached from reality. I live in my head and it's starting to feel like i'm living a lie. I feel like i've been programmed to just push people away and swallow my feelings. I want to open up but im really scared that I will only make things worse, and it's eating me alive.",3.034249011857707,4.550648920289857,4.523017127799736,84.97962450592888,74.28985507246377,7.047167325428196,27.03820816864296,7.686295010490155,1.5720927536231892,533,20,106,7,11,178,88,138,0.18100000000000002,0.725,0.09300000000000001,-0.919,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,11,11,1,4,1,0,5,5,1,2,2,27,21,12,0,2,3,0,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,11,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,8,19,4,15,17,1,14,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,0,7,65,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690597487853286,0.0,0.0,0.16467907170943374,0.0,0.11493757747869544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784517771281137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821388471445847,0.0,0.15193947750862966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213953285646349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.546377654411203,0.19299303318606476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057031505094699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862435270395707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918050606191359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423284866346755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797022926059546,0.0,0.2385447038579031,0.0,0.0,0.15111266660253295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016259255073167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929454491516447,0.0,0.2083539798503644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272946338501734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364293932016092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936305003817555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653152599972637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523211092161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444731592747633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560569989707644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973681399415323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049417579176114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170602217977676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966983441534188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765140933971906,0.0,0.14768163929078806,0.0,0.0
bpd,shiningz,2019/10/25,"Found this podcast episode about BPD and loved listening to it. Thought I'd share. The speakers are all professional therapists and talk about BPD, the causes and their experiences with BPD patients. I felt so understood and validated listening to this.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Dt2C4FChjo8txwKJW4Eck?si=UjXWn2qXRYG-6ldUyb0BtA",15.60058139534884,20.964959232558144,8.635058139534884,52.30049418604654,49.69767441860466,11.741860465116279,40.98255813953489,11.20814326018867,6.086120930232557,289,13,31,8,4,73,32,43,0.0,0.821,0.179,0.8055,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,11,8,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,2,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8082892606396821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197588469684838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925869307874195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540056055558584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345565931805221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307473657581475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719439851271139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24838221929002374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698317379613206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kintsugar,2019/10/25,"No Energy for Friendships, only SO? Does anybody else have this? 

In middle school I used to be quite social and loved meeting new people, but as time went by and my BPD got way worst along with some other dandy stuff that happened...

I noticed that whatever friendships I may start, I usually just end up not giving into the relationship and having 0 energy/too anxious to talk to them/hang out, except for when one of them turns into my GF, then I’m basically all over her, and can only give to that particular relationship


Why is that? why did that happen?",5.736805929919138,6.707717990566039,6.4572237196765485,75.73858490566037,67.20754716981132,9.076010781671158,27.40700808625337,9.23628265651192,2.270847978436658,441,13,79,8,7,145,83,106,0.11800000000000001,0.799,0.083,-0.7124,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,1,17,18,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,8,1,18,13,3,16,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,2,7,57,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485806054661894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608930706575554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319583503963518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669389158211898,0.0,0.14492975706216138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139422587272624,0.0,0.0,0.130871795840712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893992204332673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476846493345311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803721265800952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629659679764285,0.0,0.0,0.11088156386986958,0.2488996607164697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344211805101448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404322252521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35135996663418845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560474680629442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680264733513567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581987038011494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731997427719985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315215423780126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541538106399976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798508671424265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132587450865802,0.1802179948272536,0.0,0.0,0.1298837999834254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516888943960721,0.2953056186063154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BrinDeNuage,2019/10/25,"How do you know when it's too much to be normal? I mean we, human beings, all deal with insecurity and low self-esteem some days, we all have anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I'm not diagnosed for anything yet, but I feel there something that might be wrong with me, and I can't help but think if everything is part of the human experience or if there's anything that need to be treated...",6.9126623376623355,6.02887503896104,7.395422077922081,76.32741883116887,64.84415584415585,10.816883116883119,33.535714285714285,10.125756701596842,3.071262337662338,306,11,62,6,4,101,59,77,0.156,0.8440000000000001,0.0,-0.8701,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,2,25,16,10,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,7,1,6,10,5,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,5,3,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801789750859634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876404568925849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518966651701939,0.24281996903119465,0.0,0.23905689059098906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116782015537238,0.23039247304659866,0.0,0.0,0.1190904961319478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787006679700075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944053191409408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565600357919604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24985895818682485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314085261976556,0.17464170588510866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307683288970512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550548625111271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24570802499534125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813216654492477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091741830860222,0.0,0.18698364944861384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575138942923605,0.0,0.0
bpd,mangoesaresuperior,2019/10/25,"Hi guys, just found out I supposedly have BPD after talking to a doctor for 20 minutes about how I don't consent to treatment A doctor who has spoken to me literally 20 minutes in her entire life lmfao",17.6455,7.272910550000002,16.825000000000006,45.68000000000002,56.0,18.0,57.5,11.20814326018867,6.843,162,7,27,2,1,57,33,40,0.044000000000000004,0.865,0.092,0.428,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,20,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41740874792887933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6784397230369013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633821899370365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32815543706639033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23408998619597696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663808380517544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nearlytherezopiclone,2019/10/25,"Failed an attempt at overdosing last night following my relationship ending. I’m certain I have BPD and if I do I don’t want to live with it any longer. I won’t make the same mistake as last night in not going through with things. I’m not living my life with this condition. Fuck that. Something clicked in my head once she left. I went from crying and wailing uncontrollably to no tears, no noise. I started laughing and went into what I can only describe as an autopilot behaviour. I put on warm clothes, left a note that made zero sense, grabbed all my Lamotrigine medication and left the flat. I began texting my friend that I was going a walk but could feel myself writing gibberish and again making zero sense at all. I kept walking and walking, got to a field in the pitch dark, and began popping my tablets one by one at different intervals. 

Meanwhile my friends and family were phoning me and texting me distraught when they found out my intentions. I kept swallowing my tablets until something changed and I shared my location with my friend before being taken to the hospital by police. By the time I got to the hospital I felt shocked and calmed. Psychiatric nurses eventually came to assess me and patronised me as badly as I’ve ever been due to the low number of tablets I ended up taking. I don’t think I can even consider this an attempted suicide because it was such a fucking pathetic effort.

Even the apology message I sent my ex makes me look like a fucking psycho despite it being written from the heart and just speaking about how much I’ll cherish our time together. Everything was fine and there was zero animosity between us when she decided her first year as a doctor was too busy and overwhelming to have a meaningful relationship. I genuinely for the first time understood and accepted reasoning for calling an end to a relationship. I had actively stayed away from relationships to ensure I could better handle abandonment and rejection without emotionally harming myself and others with a freak out. Then because I was understandably still upset that it was goodbye I decided to tell her that I’d effectively been hiding my suicidal depression from her for the last month of our relationship without realising she’d obviously feel betrayed. She was fully supportive and held me. But, again in a completely reasonable and expected response, was so disappointed and gutted that I didn’t feel able to open up to her about that. She explicitly said herself that this confirmed the relationship would never have worked anyway. I destroyed any small chance of the door opening again in a few months time when maybe the stresses of her job had subsided somewhat.

She could have walked out that door with a lasting positive impression of me and a loving viewpoint of our memories and heartfelt moments together. Instead, she walked out hurt, angry and justified in ending the relationship, surely knowing that these moments were hollow and need no reminiscing because I withheld something so massive from her and they were built on lies (even if it was just the last month I made a cunt of it). I wish I’d never told her and I fucking hate myself for it. She asked me to check in with her to let her know I was alright and instead of just sending her a ‘hello I’m fine’ message I wrote an emotional movie-speech bible of our time together and how sorry I was. Fucking disgusting and humiliating. What right minded person does that? She will be completely repelled by the thought of me. She won’t even miss, in her words, “the best sex life [she’s ever had]” because why the fuck would you be fond of even the best orgasms you’d ever experienced if they were given to you by a complete fucking emotionally irregulated mess of a human being?

This repeated emotional intensity with relationships isn’t new to me nor is it fucking normal. I always have a breakdown when they end and I’m not living another 30-40 years being like this. It’s disgusting. It’s sickening. It’s humiliating. Who the fuck would want to experience this over and over? Who would want to burden anyone with having to deal with a significant other that has no emotional regulation? Who can actually be fucking proud of themselves knowing they’re like this? I do not want to live with this. I choose not to live with this. I know I’m a smart logical person and even with that as fact I CAN’T EVER CONTROL THIS. There is NO cure. There is NO hope of ever having a meaningful relationship that won’t be doomed from the start. The alternative? A life alone. Fuck. That.

I am finished with this and even writing that makes me irate because once again it reads as a pathetic cry for attention and need to be validated. Well fuck that. Nobody can convince me otherwise: I’m justified in killing myself. This is not a way to interact with people. I will never fucking forgive myself for tainting her memories of me and most importantly hurting her. And it is the last time I do this to myself and somebody I love.

I need to die.",5.692622647331071,7.564692362850977,6.3389052761493385,73.17733045356374,68.13606911447084,9.524689910521444,33.530947238506634,9.888512548439397,3.6377674668312254,4032,188,674,98,70,1316,392,926,0.201,0.6509999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9976,2,1,3,0,0,2,76.0,5,3,4,13,39,74,19,6,53,1,71,26,4,13,15,159,148,61,4,22,16,1,6,3,3,9,5,2,2,3,52,61,1,6,25,1,1,14,26,42,1,7,45,11,112,32,111,79,9,103,1,11,2,17,78,32,14,6,58,510,164,5,0.04058973689602528,0.0,0.039609728070581884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203872620011955,0.0,0.0,0.033773912673521485,0.0,0.0,0.055204825941366865,0.04256187821983839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02838128779609133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03794592478606496,0.0,0.038135393946248895,0.0,0.03389073487373832,0.1237156343574994,0.0,0.034538876523133734,0.0,0.08519284936923095,0.03589832379455268,0.0,0.0,0.05112135270944333,0.0,0.041446659575487065,0.0464238457797634,0.0,0.0,0.042938559628948256,0.0,0.12767270065026434,0.0,0.04552484134427517,0.09722280628357513,0.0,0.08917184006614573,0.0,0.041846236450435885,0.034959880911822484,0.0,0.04212573860506762,0.04240763597122809,0.0,0.041545315647500435,0.03552035228712178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828995389400544,0.17975229608843182,0.0,0.0,0.18766396886229214,0.18357870414373686,0.0,0.0,0.03647943828080378,0.03970455124417743,0.038264391551497835,0.0,0.061570171679294475,0.0,0.0389725127409319,0.0,0.0,0.06905121893696481,0.0,0.0445045514553192,0.0940785901160201,0.4878192501788933,0.0,0.0,0.046136165737730016,0.0,0.06492664107756597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04007396186563994,0.04165678019469996,0.0,0.0,0.04809903365375346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403147672594982,0.0,0.0,0.08690430568820265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04027905077015692,0.0,0.04490653000561114,0.0,0.08922823153892277,0.19851631806166767,0.0,0.0,0.1323026037044963,0.041505756014997716,0.08600919465237658,0.05949028554178111,0.0,0.17920740658821502,0.0,0.034085156206200715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326764455559204,0.07681398093959868,0.1083758582502772,0.0,0.040777846343502726,0.0,0.0,0.04088988966584648,0.0,0.0,0.040984063431664976,0.0,0.09719502222518744,0.0,0.02983812693356365,0.09029032679314213,0.09391592211636512,0.0392018208248411,0.0,0.07618143690546947,0.03976932414095387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645349017712144,0.055009312382788375,0.030870323953022062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028139812839206992,0.07088278527694547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408038965410622,0.0,0.0,0.04060072105528168,0.0,0.0,0.08346601948049555,0.0,0.3922036842721349,0.0,0.03466341353065109,0.0386101347443425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374388749305806,0.0,0.04543688732439539,0.05745924937847195,0.04326325889482182,0.03241501631706641,0.0,0.046495406475991145,0.0,0.0,0.08879716836674191,0.04606075241946542,0.03825534666469894,0.0,0.030518430690727308,0.0,0.03547721911219922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026966017608105373,0.0260082644612305,0.0,0.032223717177835995,0.14200921198853925,0.0,0.0,0.03878523303911308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042255347582717234,0.04882445580343107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576351386038402,0.0322182438513268,0.0,0.0,0.03649504810096238,0.07525418550757622,0.03662592421895301,0.0,0.046676194265830716,0.07825411583925893,0.0,0.02954981188173967,0.0,0.0,0.11533513805796793,0.0,0.0,0.052276919548483805
bpd,Araceli11,2019/10/25,"Has anyone ever split on their significant other to the point where they start to question their own sexuality? I know this one is a long shot as I also have generalized anxiety disorder so I tend to have irrational fear, but I was really hoping that someone else could related to this. My bf and I had been having issues for a bit, he pulled away and I became super paranoid about us breaking up and feeling like a terrible gf. Then I flipped and began to hate him and I am scared that I will not get that love back. It’s terrifying to not be obsessed with him, terrifying to the point where I have been worrying that I am suddenly not into men anymore. I feel so uncomfortable even posting this because of the shame I have for having these fears and thoughts, but this is a small way to also show myself some compassion I think.",7.969829192546584,6.869278428571434,8.456265527950311,70.280174689441,62.85093167701864,11.776708074534163,35.65295031055901,10.9516,3.808471428571428,661,25,123,15,8,221,107,161,0.271,0.617,0.111,-0.9862,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,3,1,10,11,1,5,7,0,18,1,0,0,1,24,30,14,0,2,5,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,6,2,22,4,18,21,3,20,0,0,0,1,12,9,0,3,8,100,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643607788839292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644451896037714,0.0,0.16392082983521908,0.11557289408564828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529308878194334,0.12709591895816633,0.0,0.10075775284803823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804511892523744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196865453569015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943384558328275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380765340094069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091708641313263,0.14951204668948556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371988879969646,0.16714869744344432,0.11808145465785252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635591989317945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631872303880361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641678263525175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725172531735318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083771169218967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807511451376322,0.0,0.0,0.14627427538989074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917846196701726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200311767769586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125003099958915,0.0,0.15829977772054946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851598774223466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588743329362067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548166646700269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004759988796342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169913745699297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590958435449463,0.0,0.13121984735847045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988205644472721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119755914556452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785752446212152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sckathian,2019/10/25,"Am on a fucking high man Can't take this shit down. In the past I felt I had to stay awake and keep this feeling going, surf it. Now? I go to bed. I keep it rolling by keeping my energy. I've cleaned my flat, taken rejections with a swagger, gotten more drunk than I maybe should which I need to deal with but not this week, gone for a long walk, done a pub run by myself, bought a fucking glorious 49 inch monitor and finally bought a side cabinet to put a gluttony of wires which currently clutter my corner.

Am actually not on a high. Am just me. This is me. When I am away from all the low energy, anger, loneliness. How long can I keep going I don't know. But I am going to feel like this for a few days more. 

This is the best I:be felt in years.",0.90301886792453,2.6715552767295634,2.9414842767295646,92.85335849056608,81.1383647798742,6.7557232704402495,21.291823899371067,7.793537801064563,0.7246155974842772,575,17,135,10,15,194,99,159,0.11,0.762,0.128,0.5968,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,4,0,12,0,13,4,1,1,1,22,35,6,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,10,4,1,4,5,2,2,8,4,6,0,0,9,4,16,2,20,25,5,31,0,2,0,2,2,12,3,0,11,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.14006256088809024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484922004690064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506237133305384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256364462348364,0.14797099920334028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687890984472873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514407343493227,0.10253638579482192,0.2756186525194924,0.1572278377431102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653785271708731,0.0,0.0,0.3262809333741989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032902881587996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510296895107762,0.0,0.0,0.07887919976746126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012049940608765,0.0,0.0,0.2540354127020988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441931026689862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642414553259223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701365495300205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428521785279458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732936323226342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529816822366328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791514521917699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512945238130813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242728470962897
bpd,dolorosissimo,2019/10/25,"How do you get over grievances? When a grievance comes along, I put it to one side and then wait for more until they all snowball and then I collapse under the weight of the avalanche and can't dig myself out.

Then the original grievance has grown in strength and I can't seem to mentally rationalise my way through it.

Here's the main one I'm struggling with: my bf didn't do anything for my birthday in July (yes, it's nearly November now!) It was a really bad day all around because I was back home (on the other side of the world) near my family, and they all had dinner together without me (I have been estranged from my family because my dad stopped talking to me over 20 years ago). On the day of my birthday my bf slept in and then blamed me for not waking him up, didn't organise anything nice for me, told me I had to get over the fact that my family had dinner without me, and was generally not at all kind, caring, loving or compassionate. 

He gave me a card and made a promise of a big gift that he didn't give me (because when we returned back home here he went missing for another month, abandoning me for the fourth time).

In all this I have so many things I could have a grievance about, but my grievance right now is that he didn't get me a gift and has not acknowledged that, hasn't made amends, hasn't said sorry. And it's eating me up. And for some reason this week it has exploded inside of me.
I have to see him tomorrow and I'm seething with rage. I can't ease it and I don't know what to do. 

I told him this week via message that I'm upset about this lack of promised present. He seemed unmoved by it, as if it's absolutely not a big deal. But he is always like that.

But am I upset about this? Or am I clinging to this grievance because it is tangible, when really I'm absolutely livid about the total mistreatment and I'm getting lost in the only one that can be fixed? Or could have been, but now cannot. 

Oh god, it's really destroying any ability to have peace this week.

Thanks for listening.",4.2940561384629214,4.830448481840199,5.146984126984126,85.4056272980002,70.23486682808716,8.636678324813918,28.613487579589272,8.735056554316923,1.94384824679401,1585,55,339,26,27,517,187,413,0.154,0.76,0.086,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,1,2,2,17,19,2,3,19,1,40,7,2,5,7,59,70,33,0,4,14,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,28,21,4,3,5,0,0,4,17,9,0,3,21,4,44,10,54,46,10,56,0,3,1,1,27,24,0,7,28,240,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407790481833164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830872134915406,0.0,0.0,0.07217208794121648,0.11128663356671263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467201187040532,0.09447826447228304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321494785338514,0.08861417660469602,0.2587836259688206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820668104174468,0.0,0.0,0.0914216591554156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694724523406115,0.0,0.0,0.13689023232698916,0.10941544350914112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859755849472386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001499580857259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179432790183648,0.1018096352117262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291422996287745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051813767975678,0.05832631172776516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184979207348864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585350997366355,0.0,0.09578653307825376,0.20084567944750875,0.0,0.10759923467689544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695414996238416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471201049143921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574944924705355,0.08071670174189795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669003512966878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039689241599757,0.1091193893890296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063450113343337,0.10095400149075842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457192623897089,0.1932336621626992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880392599133748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887294919222125,0.0,0.11095019398852464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530333129584676,0.0,0.09771031076636202,0.0,0.0,0.07050810363223058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061885298137915774,0.0,0.0,0.20282366274952054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424111076880036,0.2553934249498737,0.12923783541837308,0.0,0.09838363950582783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046112032347185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834428640271979
bpd,switchxxblade,2019/10/25,"trying to be better tw: domestic abuse
yesterday, a really good friend of mine told me she’s in love with my abuser. i feel so many things that i can’t even begin to process it right now. so much of me wants to freak out on her but i also feel bad because he is going to ruin her life. she was the only one there for me when we broke up, she was the first to see the screenshots of him threatening my life, she put ice on the bruises he gave me. how am i supposed to react to this? i don’t want to seem “childish” or stupid but i am SO hurt. does anyone have advice?",2.141630236794171,2.981570303278687,3.817978142076505,91.83348816029144,75.47540983606558,6.733697632058287,20.932604735883427,6.937597516519254,0.2487839708561017,435,9,102,4,9,146,87,122,0.267,0.6629999999999999,0.071,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,9,10,1,0,5,0,9,3,0,2,0,13,20,9,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,2,4,3,21,4,18,15,1,13,0,3,1,1,14,6,0,2,5,72,25,0,0.0,0.4518431824670573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632779137644587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248468300938206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332610225713248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920770106730994,0.11623520000685525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863870390516014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686311612309507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594065338440105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282448971967486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219013638692792,0.0,0.0,0.1473169201732839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836638554061208,0.15993119332629047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041241473962664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26936223527897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209383767820807,0.0,0.0,0.19331700012210773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401698609058002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920797076819482,0.14501878835245294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168349659849968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215285314728193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283749526000488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194523570878754,0.17358558359673484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667762107613145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220046896362696,0.0,0.1294574680224994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249329934071959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,h1gherbp,2019/10/25,"BPD & College after breaking up with my ex, i was able to cope really well with my bpd and honestly the last few months have been amazing. i recently started college, I've made great friends and my classes aren't difficult so its fair to say I've been thriving. there was a death on campus a week or two ago though, a rumored suicide, and as someone with two attempts in the past it really threw me off. i thought i was doing better despite that death but I've noticed old bpd traits of mine start to pop up again, especially since I currently have a romantic thing with another person. I've fallen a week behind on an essay due to being in a depressive state the majority of the time now and I've been seeing a lot more of my old angry, constantly overthinking self emerge and I truly do not know what to do. I don't want to ruin any relationships I've made so far and I don't want to end up failing a class, but my motivation is gone, my doctors aren't close and I can't do much other than sleep.",6.107840354767183,5.356570453658538,7.104523281596452,77.32006651884703,66.41463414634147,10.38137472283814,33.270509977827054,9.800150414767053,2.986756097560976,793,30,161,15,11,268,124,205,0.122,0.7340000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.4084,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,4,7,10,0,0,13,0,19,2,1,3,0,24,30,14,3,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,6,12,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,4,1,2,11,2,17,6,26,18,5,34,0,3,1,0,7,10,0,2,19,105,23,8,0.12735665681913588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289399200920512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799088445448454,0.0,0.08660689388286308,0.13354455910633442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112636613427587,0.0,0.0,0.48120375279772704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762730174025822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096921019007844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035493481800595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280019648330293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839543713661768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404111637515923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999188792348254,0.10381267337414872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827407531048287,0.0,0.2410158960748051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165486841965404,0.0,0.09362179660681172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499639790282404,0.2672787752721161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157633963996133,0.0,0.11120292035921578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317587102383072,0.0,0.12574933418733694,0.13673338752546224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012791252244854,0.0,0.0,0.10148676656290763,0.0,0.1328607685171419,0.0,0.0,0.10535074258816712,0.0,0.12744863227357872,0.0,0.10790888203488136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028739439539926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930751173828862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461010375828655,0.0,0.12512726869973564,0.10110695963778034,0.07426269076634222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488178961325624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023651177824934,0.0,0.20431565613038905,0.0,0.11450892940001448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sociallyawakward4996,2019/10/25,Vent ( Job) My job threatened to fire me for multiple absences. So I felt like shit and worried about getting fired so I got super drunk and I feel like shit . I just wish I wouldn't have to function anymore.,0.5969105691056917,3.1019321463414653,1.4652439024390242,96.7284349593496,93.39024390243902,3.7089430894308943,23.90650406504065,5.46131890053228,0.3219235772357729,162,7,33,1,6,50,31,41,0.3720000000000001,0.414,0.214,-0.8464,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,7,7,4,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,7,3,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,18,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556702383766691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303524004931964,0.18417374833073571,0.2475302788902521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469086660017654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618775186720115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.511657266589332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518979991411881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5292599471949929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29645949341167344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618103711144552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jogoda,2019/10/25,"Duality Sometimes i feel like self-discovering bpd is good, because i finally can relate to the issues and rationalise my behavior>>>feel better about myself and sometimes i feel like a big liar and attention whore/victim that only brags and makes up serious illness. During those times i feel like i am perfectly functioning. The paradox is the longer i feel better, the more i feel like a vicious bitch after my mood drops. So its constant uncertainty.",7.7494092827004195,10.160459911392405,7.170316455696206,67.10627637130803,63.81012658227848,10.329957805907174,34.685654008438824,10.504223727775694,4.37304894514768,379,17,53,10,6,118,55,79,0.191,0.565,0.244,0.716,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,2,13,3,0,6,0,4,1,0,1,1,12,10,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,10,8,4,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,8,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048677070386723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29158049833640354,0.0,0.0,0.2076140042632356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781367354937296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000974820899798,0.4710555256816151,0.0,0.18057746327256602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382624983759394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205327800685696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322135878427461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003399120074786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253705394929088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719672134784624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260679097528154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612128650944024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,edgarallan2014,2019/10/25,"DAE need to leave NOW I have this anxiety where if I'm slightly uncomfortable I have to GET OUT NOW and can't concentrate on anything but leaving. It's happened at my job and with my child. 

I'll crosspost this to anxiety as well to see if it's anxiety vs BPD.",3.1717272727272743,4.177014854545455,5.005227272727275,83.66784090909091,73.18181818181819,9.136363636363637,31.931818181818183,9.516144504307137,2.8658181818181823,207,10,45,5,4,71,39,55,0.165,0.7859999999999999,0.05,-0.4881,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,8,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,9,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,2,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5728884400234735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054205052996404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143945607434651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041901339063008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074299264490255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477147767591831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286346926617937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509413468806812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989191930194604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444329050186115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,L_Phenex,2019/10/25,"Feeling worse with f every day My life is just a mess. Am an orphan, all my friends left cause they couldn't handle my mood swings (understandable). My boyfriend's depression gets worse everyday. Got no money cause the government refuses to and he won't go to work at all. 

There so much more stuff going on. I am trying to fix my life every day, but it's getting worse and I don't know what to do anymore. I just finally want to end it all and want to end my suffering so bad :/",1.941281179138321,3.8614297040816368,3.4668707482993177,89.60114512471658,78.48979591836735,7.212698412698412,23.133786848072557,8.167268648758528,1.2131732426303858,373,12,81,7,9,123,66,98,0.253,0.691,0.055999999999999994,-0.9740000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,2,3,19,17,6,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,1,1,10,1,9,14,5,11,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,48,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619427058180114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634277359158567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33549363500191104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062085851474427,0.0,0.1406439590556933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892581314563792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751626681261808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256581047435532,0.0,0.0,0.17887942022255512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126159710609124,0.0,0.17062762975227744,0.0,0.185606267406067,0.0,0.1306002710988762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974152239552044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774182433602458,0.0,0.2306772474733315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003909033121295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693133433129272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108651788450186,0.0,0.0,0.16999369621130564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262879865609708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887919592407385,0.0,0.4992283304405113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlueWaistcoat,2019/10/25,Desperately need tips to convince myself that he doesn't hate me and isn't angry with me. Please help! I'm seriously losing my mind and can't take it anymore.,2.7433333333333323,4.944792500000002,4.42625,82.32708333333336,77.125,6.766666666666668,23.166666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.184404166666667,128,4,25,2,3,43,28,32,0.17300000000000001,0.501,0.326,0.7263,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37487320333042257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37319552286111696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25336460413753725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228839294118221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816709970587568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280281294454519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149291327929143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842080285626099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,existentialliz,2019/10/25,"I left therapy today. I had my fourth and last therapy session today. I decided to run from it instead. I couldn’t be honest. I couldn’t open up. I liked my therapist, it wasn’t her, I don’t know what it was. 

I hope in the future I’ll come back to it because wow my life is an actual mess.",-1.0921875000000014,0.8965191562500046,2.4643750000000004,91.643125,91.8125,6.325,18.9375,7.645422480735847,0.7360375000000006,222,7,52,5,8,81,43,64,0.040999999999999995,0.75,0.209,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,11,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,0,12,4,5,5,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,35,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.2387859757497945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881545262189077,0.0,0.1491631470578097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078215188948976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430362818959824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447738327364678,0.19945820980367526,0.0,0.0,0.2658606682304718,0.0,0.17283455747642582,0.1195450930254216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596576628447655,0.28410850964980344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638824639845601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnipperSnaps14,2019/10/25,"Was diagnosed with BPD today Over the past year I’ve had a really hard time with my mental health. Last November I was diagnosed with Bipolar II but today, after spending 6 weeks in a psychiatric program and then getting referred to a DBT intensive program, my new social worker told me that a lot of things I’ve said and done point to a strong Borderline diagnosis. 

I’m trying to process this. Two of my best friends and my ex are borderline and I’ve seen them struggle over the years. What will my life look like now? There’s been so much instability and now my original bipolar diagnosis, something I had finally come to terms with, is probably not accurate. 

Big oof for the day. Support welcome.",4.587499999999999,6.722956083333332,5.538484848484849,76.72772727272728,71.5,9.345454545454547,32.45454545454545,9.800150414767053,3.5307181818181803,561,27,99,15,11,184,93,132,0.03,0.772,0.198,0.9795,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,4,7,0,1,8,0,9,6,0,1,0,15,17,8,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,6,1,0,0,4,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,9,4,10,6,15,7,4,23,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,1,18,62,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757992007779677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098233045494533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430142718984734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803487967525127,0.0,0.0,0.3400533169256838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142848487063114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350714906776067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294235457175017,0.0,0.0875209396616821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006270752577136,0.0,0.0,0.17806318752872716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654905826415709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832251017462712,0.0818405514056789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067244525352027,0.0,0.0,0.14241732283286448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881816219515355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314458094710855,0.0,0.0,0.16178937131634918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599143355571654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835811146033285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061211530142315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731595091204996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159347430687922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076291711531005,0.0,0.1289630966379473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751255827934306,0.0,0.0,0.19009678682019554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129113250158974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768075668140454,0.0,0.3175738600316129,0.16007007679040985,0.0,0.11373333430656718,0.0,0.16364018135684988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343723724977078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157514566962425
bpd,SEDGAR4,2019/10/25,DAE pick on one person only? It’s always my boyfriend. Everything he does makes me angry. I’m not this way with anyone else. He doesn’t do anything out of the ordinary or anything that SHOULD piss me off. Just regular things or minor inconveniences and I lash out like my life depends on it. Why is it only him?,0.7025089605734821,3.2339996451612905,2.5127956989247338,89.31697132616492,92.87096774193549,5.336200716845879,19.7921146953405,6.937597516519254,0.6671448028673832,246,8,48,4,9,81,50,62,0.1,0.861,0.039,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,3,0,12,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,7,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,3,1,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238640388566884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812003736150426,0.2756647593670677,0.4427963790566981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23543998592859486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474960882564055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179710736228824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003193263210896,0.13144006265879268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958725701247974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230944936378085,0.40923629238586096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349166167227777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873918464779448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355258015699904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427680618995014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,diaryofasadtrans,2019/10/25,anyone else reach a point where you can’t listen to music i’ve been in a depression spiral for weeks now & i can’t seem to be able to finish a single song,12.891428571428573,4.353313000000004,12.557142857142859,67.37285714285716,61.85714285714285,15.142857142857142,37.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,3.284428571428572,125,1,28,1,1,43,28,35,0.12,0.8440000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,5,4,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,17,2,0,0.3647053591559293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951581042731598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550104669437972,0.3736837393406273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141201914330041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046645296052373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447644475921694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33201406160020563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925446404267448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chosenhell,2019/10/25,"DAE have a childish attitude? I mean, not like a toddler, but surely not as an adult... and I can't help it! 

Also it usually brings people to act protective over me and I love that.",-0.1629729729729732,2.131170000000001,2.6041081081081106,89.57264864864867,92.24324324324324,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,1.1209286486486496,138,5,29,3,5,48,31,37,0.14400000000000002,0.619,0.237,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289381666186075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757039126854623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009536645039788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712388046788084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480558420078502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851624491459176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876709632067008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530187347347959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Scatterbrain372,2019/10/25,"Do I have BPD, or what is going on...??? Look, I am a firm believer of not self-diagonsing, I'm only here for just some opinions. I'm gonna go to a real therapist soon again to figure this shit out. Others in my life who are close to me have begun to tell me supposedly there's something ""off"" about my behavior and I need to go back to my therapist. I was diagnosed with really bad anxiety and depression when I was about 13, so experiencing panic attacks and having periodic depression nose-dives have been the norm for the past five years. However, I think something is different this time? Between the past 6 months-year, there have been gradual changes to my behavior. I didn't even start to think about or ""realize"" these changes until people close to me told me straight up that there's something wrong and they started to explain things. In the past 3 months, my mental state and behavior have spiraled down immensely. It's to the point where it affects my school, work, and personal relationships. 

According to myself and others, these are the things that have changed: My moods have been intense and inappropriate. For example, if I get even slightly mad, I will explode over the tiniest things. I get too emotional over everything and my moods change quickly. I've begun to smoke and drink a lot and sometimes self-harm. The worst part is that sometimes when I self-harm, I do it without realizing it. I've begun isolating myself because I'm afraid of what I've supposedly become.... my relationships are so fucking unstable its not even funny. In the end, it just feels like people close to me are going to leave me, but they say its not true???? God, it's like there's a hole in my fucking chest and sometimes I feel everything but also nothing at the same time. Does that even make sense??? I don't even know who I am anymore. Once I think I know, I JUST DONT KNOW ANYMORE. WHY???

I think the worst part of it all is my own mind tormenting me. I've occasionally experienced these severe mental breakdowns, where I just blackout and barely remember anything during these breakdowns. I start thinking absolutely crazy things, just whispering to myself and shaking. It's paranoid weird thoughts... I can't remember them that well. Lately I've also begun to dissociate from myself. I just feel like I'm in a third-person perspective watching my own body. It's like I'm not even here sometimes... everything is just so confusing. 

I'm sorry if my rantings were hard to follow along or make sense of, but I seriously need to figure things out. I discovered what BPD was and thought maybe I showed some similar symptoms. But again, I'm not going to be doing any self-diagonsis here. My life is crumbling into shambles and I don't fucking understand what's wrong with me.",4.552492397137744,6.640155636538463,5.260509838998214,78.88635062611806,71.48076923076924,8.606440071556351,29.97763864042933,9.22739947703685,2.8060111806797856,2201,93,395,49,43,711,236,520,0.12300000000000001,0.841,0.036000000000000004,-0.9897,3,0,5,4,0,0,88.0,0,0,3,1,39,27,6,4,16,0,37,11,3,3,2,83,80,33,0,4,22,0,4,4,0,2,4,2,0,1,35,25,1,0,21,2,0,7,11,19,1,1,11,10,56,6,52,66,11,56,0,2,2,3,12,23,4,10,29,274,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244904900159264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435593959758786,0.0,0.04900167405181595,0.0,0.12705011083012047,0.0,0.0,0.05271156445663243,0.0,0.0,0.07287147425266405,0.0,0.04925411433654685,0.05348300316521688,0.039047153675361435,0.07074338922535382,0.0,0.07216771765311566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115033723129467,0.16134931738455627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271045538445898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034044723010536,0.06501417730338087,0.0,0.06692353344736947,0.0,0.0,0.05605470406231421,0.0,0.07507163728550358,0.06274922508603192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205292167424475,0.056733456246781964,0.0,0.0,0.25384517149982666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727047159325012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716395053322796,0.09152138819906527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765262801564588,0.06693187927546823,0.0,0.18201882515787768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738043411491285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560837219085024,0.0,0.0722564973436166,0.06782468389805629,0.0,0.0,0.09048746502485043,0.1251755734729819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378981966766839,0.0,0.0,0.05445701963114336,0.0,0.0,0.08551402605206056,0.0,0.06435156077864408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910415376286724,0.0,0.06467699217515978,0.0,0.05112785446798849,0.0,0.0,0.09499150434785528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061462217077988074,0.0,0.0,0.0682161703783233,0.0,0.048716489620003085,0.0,0.07515439504045565,0.0,0.1387300070070676,0.18344239178595667,0.08881493450967527,0.11186019552098593,0.0,0.0,0.06055240059993677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729082777273283,0.04103508428122006,0.0,0.0,0.13754156287836547,0.1451229882477925,0.0,0.0,0.05093887243792367,0.0,0.06482678124661857,0.0,0.0,0.26729210879333337,0.07236358428026865,0.06575123426176976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793732417398958,0.2534069647484865,0.07170399808802343,0.1360147498053127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657736467449743,0.0,0.0,0.055986635555109986,0.0,0.0,0.14874489920052886,0.21277549903545506,0.2052183429606988,0.0,0.10170456168849397,0.0747016272792437,0.0,0.0,0.06120701569684636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668320698660975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759287251723181,0.0,0.05779940825211104,0.0,0.0,0.061746449888365584,0.0,0.04663258817758173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006752903226027,0.0,0.08249825989597796
bpd,orangealiensmiling,2019/10/25,"I got banned cuz I have bpd I got banned from one of sub Because I have bpd. Even though I grow up and raised by bpd. They banned me cuz I have bpd and they want keep there safe space.  I didn’t comment or post any offensive stuff. Only I post was if any one still love there parents even there parents have bpd.
It really shows how much in this world don’t support ppl with bpd.",-0.061875000000000575,2.1827365625000006,0.8049999999999997,103.54000000000002,89.625,4.2,15.5,5.6839178017228535,-1.0239000000000005,295,6,72,2,10,90,51,80,0.141,0.7290000000000001,0.13,-0.2263,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,0,14,13,8,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,4,0,11,3,6,9,1,8,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,1,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504233982478313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742064962293925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8357799304446151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610033216466212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691362704553604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830623953760392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982069400392614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813036247132429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498906583399809,0.08411617924412984,0.0,0.0,0.24561611736715866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184819127879406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085310398226642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832519305197728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661038176549122,0.0,0.12550741328569534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866380335000132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523466444007953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PuroresuDrifter,2019/10/25,"Does anyone else get extremely agitated by people who do things the wrong way and think there’s nothing wrong with it? I’m wondering if this is a thing that happens to others, but I work at a grocery store and I see customers do things that just get under my skin to an extremely high level and makes me very angry. I just wish people would take into consideration others around them and their feelings, but I guess hoping for people to do things like that is a lost cause. It effects my day severely because the entire day I’m filled with rage but I’m too afraid people will get mad if I lash out, so I keep it all in which makes it worse. 

I’m so sick of feeling like this.",4.574176804541769,5.216968007299276,5.247396593673964,84.55378751013791,69.65693430656935,7.840713706407138,25.441200324411998,7.793537801064563,1.2174548256285491,535,14,110,6,9,173,88,137,0.226,0.672,0.10099999999999999,-0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,3,7,9,2,1,6,0,7,2,1,4,1,31,28,11,0,5,7,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,17,9,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,4,11,3,14,25,1,12,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,5,4,71,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997478680231613,0.14649968144368433,0.0,0.12728231790392802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871591469553237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687961991873816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442025968944387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251225692280681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944125964141095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458974592095378,0.10214478358548017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241031017369996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750834763784596,0.0,0.1264365474847357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106598797791332,0.0,0.1420111832384294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708699821794645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970539689340827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607932013907586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088022715765685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719295534415885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964967071922988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393637321157835,0.0,0.0,0.16152645411585195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750300070129014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799576510617843,0.09161566991924412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179732927673166,0.0,0.11349069440834275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441969103010814,0.0,0.1550554725814075,0.1040909829092508,0.0,0.1457086111879109,0.10156873360543063,0.3126518887417686,0.0,0.0
bpd,kiepye17,2019/10/25,"I can’t handle being alone for too long I like being alone sometimes, but whenever I’m by myself than longer than about 4 hours, I always end up crying uncontrollably and convincing myself that I’m awful person",18.823,8.742873300000003,16.825000000000006,45.68000000000002,53.5,19.0,50.0,13.023866798666859,6.354000000000001,172,4,27,3,1,57,31,40,0.315,0.569,0.11599999999999999,-0.8442,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,6,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6330560218596314,0.0,0.0,0.25429860431491025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357069506902481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706867780440827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009721037556088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930948559626908,0.0,0.0,0.2704622550826651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668537924540275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022639521701493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imbeaandimabee,2019/10/25,"Should I tell my SO that I have BPD? If so, when would be the right time? *(I'm new to this sub so I'm not very familiar with the rules. If this question shouldn't be here, please let me know, so I can properly look for advice somewhere else.)*

I've been struggling with BPD since as long as I remember and you all know how bad our anger episodes can be. 

I've been on therapy for more than a year now, and I've learned a lot of coping skills and self-awareness, so I've been able to soothe myself more, lately.  

The thing's that I'm currently going through a difficult time that's triggering as heck. I'm having a really hard time managing my emotions and impulses, and just now I lashed out at my boyfriend because I was feeling very lonely. (We've been together for more than a year)

I'm not sure if I should tell him that I have BPD or just acknowledge my mistake and keep this to myself.

BPD can be very scary and offsetting for other people.",3.5131075110456536,4.552946113402066,4.2905743740795295,88.98237113402064,72.40206185567008,8.223269513991164,26.228276877761417,8.634040054169528,1.5956256259204715,742,24,163,13,14,238,107,194,0.146,0.833,0.021,-0.9689,1,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,1,12,7,1,1,8,0,20,0,0,2,2,36,31,21,0,8,8,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,5,3,18,1,19,17,5,17,0,1,1,0,6,4,1,6,12,104,27,2,0.12453283574226715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169204579846547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397971610476907,0.0759140607964943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273789885552103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403120455820504,0.14008267854860554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296754354433542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077488041265631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115569600832988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069050634589613,0.0,0.0,0.13687997941787314,0.0,0.1404784629857983,0.0,0.0,0.12734326190422984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020764081210373,0.10457621762736707,0.0,0.0,0.10587336361172643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120274588773099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633538815735127,0.0,0.0,0.13669965713629956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950527670968332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797789234220021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107142667051098,0.1063503612880419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299149072814746,0.0,0.0,0.10301484861281948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018875889531742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737072390151305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176943748913319,0.0,0.14241415081553488,0.0,0.0827340825099587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784829396355765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30825789486299016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846455348969699,0.0,0.0,0.16039012649723666
bpd,eyetalker,2019/10/25,"Does anyone else hate everyday noises such as rustling bags, rustling packets of food, background chatter? Sends my brain haywire.   Hate it.",6.428939393939395,10.365619772727275,3.360909090909089,84.0280303030303,78.54545454545453,4.751515151515153,39.15151515151515,6.42735559955562,3.127951515151516,113,7,15,1,3,30,20,22,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255585707592211,0.3305259237857468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36011096777507084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28229585465993623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694779421502457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900704369312436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6369707835680471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tech3730,2019/10/25,"DAE have a FP who completely hates them? I was dating my FP on and off for a couple months and afterwards I wouldn't leave her alone.  I kept texting her apologizing for the way I acted.  Mind you, this was before I was diagnosed with BPD and realized what I was doing and why.  

Now she says she doesn't care and wants nothing to do with me.  She's still my FP and I miss talking to her so much every day; it doesn't seem to be getting any easier.",1.7818085106382997,3.323985425531916,3.6797340425531937,89.60875000000001,77.72340425531914,7.253191489361702,21.324468085106385,8.07648339933343,0.8531106382978728,346,9,78,6,8,117,65,94,0.099,0.8370000000000001,0.064,-0.4648,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,0,14,18,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,1,18,1,9,11,1,10,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,1,6,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23521423145933035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444046335790002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932512240781097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860331597934781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315505957388804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381172383675735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25128943841020424,0.0,0.1464651467958795,0.0,0.0,0.2305086983558496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913473378849876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865396910511038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422102175232428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404733898082395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22931320364631094,0.0,0.1812745415226606,0.0,0.16694968495130474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791517241847733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060450302383269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674957017356985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813678443648644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253990409745893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395351947207132,0.18026686704026676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049286311777974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,North_Scale,2019/10/25,"Can you split on someone forever? I was with someone I really liked, and I thought they felt the same. It looked as if they did. One day, there was a nasty anger outburst out of the blue, and despite me trying and wanting to continue things, being understand and patient, this person never really spoke to me again. 

I tried to contact them after a while and they just blocked me without a word - which is fair enough in the context, but I suppose really there was no tangible event in which I did something ‘wrong’. So I’m guessing this person has split on me forever and hates me, even though nothing actually happened. (I do get that something probably did happen for this person in terms of triggers, but then that’s not something I did, more an internal trigger for them, right?) 

So can you split on someone forever? :(",6.956666666666668,7.284805320261443,6.850457516339869,76.22705882352942,64.42483660130719,9.937254901960783,36.607843137254896,9.725611199111238,3.5917137254901954,646,30,114,12,9,205,95,153,0.114,0.863,0.024,-0.9318,0,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,5,0,8,4,2,0,7,0,13,0,0,2,1,25,25,15,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,9,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,10,4,20,1,18,14,4,17,0,0,2,0,12,8,0,2,10,93,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.14714749847961978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724589262211827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580448360876725,0.0,0.09959416147048072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478028602151405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878059313909294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611016476465773,0.0,0.2666829542679741,0.0,0.0,0.14887209607167515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366748126211667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266240823994589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629712935001316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468531197576226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217796365311388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949872309215777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257514631989142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897962807124157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877226979975534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832869709636965,0.34825229089626936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017695723432908,0.0,0.1481486074191722,0.11970896053575615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047505333236479,0.0,0.0,0.1569757985488828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893876704394463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535441105481167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486318830633778,0.0,0.0
bpd,Udjebfk,2019/10/25,"Bpd moms Ive read all the horror stories about bpd moms. My ex yas bpd traits, not diagnosed and we have 3 children together, a 4yo and 2.5 yo twins. The time we were together at least, she is a caring, loving, nurturing mom. She has had episodes of anger towards me in front of them, but she is aware she has issues and that it is wrong. Currebtly, because of the separation and other l8fe stressors, she is angry at me most of the time.
I believe that she can be a good mom. There has been no neglect or abuse, and she seems to be a ""mild"" bpd case.
My question is, any of you moms think it is possible to be a good bpd mom? As I said, ive read the horror stories. So I am looking for a positive view, or for some hope.",2.09,3.3916672666666687,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,76.33333333333334,6.866666666666667,25.166666666666664,7.492282038375204,1.0358666666666672,550,19,125,7,12,183,90,150,0.195,0.677,0.128,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,2,1,1,0,3,9,1,0,11,0,20,2,0,0,1,19,27,10,0,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,3,20,6,15,20,4,7,0,1,2,1,22,4,0,7,2,85,25,2,0.0,0.111831255909662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418530340440676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575364591170968,0.0,0.0,0.10634001573699184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943754876764437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623219794756553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579918642848508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833197802083898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374599137319067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985138275084706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925995799733959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518650163885412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6632581845798834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640534819787133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573324053291376,0.0,0.18882186873580545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978212215297098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592491631916913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047834829654738,0.0,0.0,0.1100737626016738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319560965697988,0.0,0.0
bpd,mhr5p,2019/10/25,"I hate this splitting thing. I hate it so much, but what I hate the most is my attitude towards the person I split with.( dunno if you guys understood that). So, I just get angry and feel like not talking to that person anymore, but when she asks me something, even a stupid little thing like the time, I reply with the biggest smile and then I kind of forget that I wasn’t supposed to talk to her anymore. omg I cant even get angry properly.",3.132086677367578,4.598721662921349,4.0854253611557,88.41764044943821,73.94382022471909,6.434028892455858,25.07383627608347,6.868970318607317,0.9341993579454247,344,11,70,3,7,111,61,89,0.259,0.647,0.094,-0.9589,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,4,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,11,9,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,14,3,7,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,5,52,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361646653211474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704548423427429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408557697089939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219201592598823,0.1302572800731994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052081084362915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805363244960866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5400422488344717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986964547618404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815540228398846,0.1827435301438512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403424085558502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184087370993072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403672871620469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931014512389229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422651868898037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631865379130664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lizzobeth10,2019/10/25,"I’m [21F] going away for 2 weeks without my bf [20M]. How do I not spend the entire time missing him? My bf and I have been together almost 3 years. Over that time, the longest we’ve been separated with limited contact was earlier this year when he went overseas for 2 weeks. During that time, I was a bit of a mess - I cried, I felt empty and missed him like crazy; it was hard to focus on anything else. Yes, I know I’m ridiculous. 
Next week I’m going overseas with my Mum and I know I’m gonna be faced with the same emotional rollercoaster but with reversed roles.

He’s my FP and being away from him makes me feel so alone regardless of who I’m with and I don’t want it to ruin this trip. What are some ways I can try and cope with the separation?",1.9257619738751828,3.3025836855345965,3.6516981132075483,90.6660522496372,76.9245283018868,6.9048863086598935,22.9225931301403,7.61054688173877,0.7950160619254958,582,17,133,8,13,195,103,159,0.155,0.802,0.042,-0.9311,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,6,1,12,1,1,2,0,27,29,10,0,2,3,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,4,0,1,4,3,5,0,0,7,3,17,1,18,19,3,19,0,3,0,0,11,4,0,2,11,74,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807908202574809,0.18699129002898546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857404110979955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392579725573305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710955938703031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983213921474569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508230834778186,0.20309004024568328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912895233378459,0.0,0.17335255113122824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052169969951345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173382567882633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844680881911128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820569542390748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051591100636255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920128053552041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31583361516863834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257893761813532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649075633987046,0.1433090753404154,0.4344695273313451,0.0,0.0,0.16736802586685232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403997924679124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325315134092877
bpd,hrowaytayyyy,2019/10/25,"My untreated illnesses leading me to.. so basically right now i have a friend who i really want to make plans with, but she always sleeps in when we plan. 
I see myself as the ""powerful"" one and i keep yelling at her and belittling her when i confront her for not committing to her plans (i understand deep down im insecure)eg telling how much of a bum she is by sleeping in and not having a job, making her feel guilty for wasting my time and putting lots of emphasis on me being the victim of having time wasted, calling her stupid etc.. all because im mad.. but I will later apologise and befriend this and this is a cycle.. I also often threaten with ruining her life and i hate to be picturing this.. but getting violent revenge for being ignored - which i would NEVER do but after my little episode I feel so guilty... I am always forgiven and we can go back to talking like friends a week later..
Im a little upset right now because she blocked me and turned her phone off so she couldnt get my threats.. I get very angry when my calls are declined early..

I dont want to feel alone.. can anyone relate or have any advice? i have like a buildup of hate inside of me because I was ignored when I try to yell and confront her . and i dont like it

Currently I am not receiving any treatment because honestly Id rather waste my hard worked money on shopping sprees and the last ""therapist"" told me these little episodes will go away because I told her they do and it kind of pissed me off",4.242216303470542,5.373206467796612,5.208571428571432,82.74005649717516,70.76271186440678,8.195318805488299,30.31880548829701,8.563005593585519,2.314168684422921,1168,48,227,19,21,383,159,295,0.23600000000000002,0.675,0.08800000000000001,-0.9946,3,1,0,0,1,0,34.0,2,0,1,6,14,21,10,1,10,0,24,5,3,4,3,47,44,28,0,5,9,0,4,3,2,3,2,2,0,0,8,17,0,4,4,1,2,5,7,14,0,1,3,7,50,7,30,34,4,37,0,1,1,0,28,15,1,3,20,163,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992864671847952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591195955410658,0.0,0.08177839658732783,0.17017933683498546,0.0,0.0,0.13908250370052633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150354154033657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607794208577966,0.07863269664336467,0.0,0.31168797075123683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208840625270864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23969917480828934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404848135840705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511929409074934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801379239137456,0.0,0.16028206667802156,0.0,0.11623500903274568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160611920037308,0.2019239026454801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33137954782669515,0.0,0.10147865032205787,0.090894622003866,0.0,0.10648950121368046,0.0,0.08335668144530077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223024394173867,0.1498792491040191,0.30747833324658824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693897682330477,0.0,0.0,0.13652054371252936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517388795069876,0.0,0.07887028813483887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929496436750418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280094167302907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551126494677112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746613365204747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814890879537304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467048378148164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219383163949141,0.08938096215895179,0.0,0.0,0.11873335551385987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925887767422365,0.0,0.0,0.19543028080253586,0.0,0.06942877115391244,0.11123102715511053,0.0,0.10645771336698437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437635637791313,0.12063283457327108,0.0,0.08202791869624226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444750980207791,0.0,0.0,0.07264355738928202,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toomanydiagnoses,2019/10/25,"FP suicidal, no comments?? My FP told me last week that he's decided to commit suicide. He's paraplegic, financially destitute, bedsores for 3 yrs, family alienates him and much more.

I posted about this 2 days ago but no responses yet...

Anyone? Not looking for answers, but support?",3.743266666666667,6.8728578600000025,5.124000000000001,73.16866666666667,80.4,8.133333333333335,34.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,4.054333333333334,223,13,33,6,6,74,44,50,0.19699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.094,-0.6917,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,5,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455076697078592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365635144163246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861580787361414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610925378452214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257587589262699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325760210965481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035969205245871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265250408669915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6058969475874111,0.31429008163042105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646464379675721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216000926477145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,03b07b19,2019/10/25,"Being manipulative in my relationship hi everyone

my relationship with my partner has been rocky recently, and today i realised it was because i am controlling and manipulative because of my anxiety. the first step is admitting it, but i was wondering what i can do to help this?

i have bad anxiety when they leave the house, so i continuously message/call them, which until we discussed it today, i didn't know was controlling. i want to change this. i worry that if i don't continuously check on them something bad will happen to them, so i need to control this fear. 

has anyone else gotten experience with feeling this way, acting this way, and how did you drop the abusive behaviours, own up, and become a better partner + person?",7.5776119402985085,8.190048962686568,8.554440298507462,63.56509328358211,63.1044776119403,11.476119402985075,36.89925373134328,11.20814326018867,4.531122388059702,587,27,95,16,8,200,87,134,0.22,0.708,0.071,-0.9753,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,4,5,4,4,0,1,4,0,16,0,0,6,0,21,24,11,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,11,7,0,3,4,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,7,1,21,1,11,15,1,16,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,8,75,32,0,0.0,0.16933140024306248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218659806689644,0.0,0.0,0.09992978298746803,0.14643373437092855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386568083556025,0.17423982424369727,0.15783885052813676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639707303547915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511855619922289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48087537980206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193874929617705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365618060943211,0.0,0.13979870180492238,0.0,0.1608195777358062,0.07226232930440876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156378126614364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263796318647576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579319193996956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490520380589438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854257599322266,0.0,0.0,0.1513267919607493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596997133147314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478823020934182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111173350979728,0.306875347962325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002327074194104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709342105898239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429521615562041,0.22687921277087444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498567410518738,0.0,0.14513754392861902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kn1ght-of-heart,2019/10/25,"I’m really, really tired. I’ve been on antidepressants for almost five years now, and all they’ve managed to do to me is make me numb I’ve been on multiple different kinds. Right now I’m in Effexor as well as 25 mg of trazadone for sleep among other things. I was on 50 mg before but I lowered it because I was sleeping too long, and I realized how numb my meds are making me. I feel so bad now, but I think I might prefer this to nothing. I keep doing dumb self destructive shit just for the high and I’m just so done with trying. All I every wanna do is stupid shit to feel something, it’s kind of taking over. But I don’t want more antidepressants, I don’t want to go back to feeling nothing. I just wish I could sleep for like. A year. I’m sorry if this is incoherent, I’ve been awake for a while.",1.9576050420168087,3.3796957352941166,3.861008403361346,89.0088235294118,76.94117647058823,7.210084033613445,22.142857142857146,7.957251820313856,0.8783445378151273,625,17,141,10,14,212,99,170,0.21899999999999997,0.708,0.073,-0.9838,3,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,12,12,5,0,3,0,17,8,5,3,2,30,33,13,0,7,7,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,8,1,1,6,3,17,4,23,25,3,17,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,3,9,90,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953544743188995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714890034204612,0.1163485538890502,0.08494436727080511,0.0,0.11857365593842638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125688636605917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558749279081076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259990704873676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174054835375212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113734170791761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919385911177099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722728724617354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385762170782715,0.0,0.2902159900421445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807768867626815,0.0,0.0,0.12331731722648966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602981656906112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547826104679777,0.0,0.0,0.14782467533842705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674135576773122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785379441048405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190011975890957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536884843578,0.0,0.28607447488111004,0.0,0.0,0.4183415717470037,0.0,0.0,0.1072757867933482,0.0,0.15598706115722505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477126834392723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257566011886384,0.0892876466238267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015836760628513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946071646885207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438041834294229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528928884184828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024166262862585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794692270291688
bpd,tarotharo,2019/10/25,"Relatable meme? **me:**     Im fucking ugly and a clown and Im such a terrible person, but also you're the asshole not me but also its my fault and Im eternally gonna feel guilty for stepping on your toe that one time in 2013, but like not to be dramatic but I wanna kill myself and I need to dye my hair & spend $500 on a new wardrobe because the old me is dead.

**me 5 mins later:**    wow look at me im so pretty and successful I can't believe I feel this good im gonna go paint and socialise and then im gonna go partying and im such a good friend! Im gonna make up with you because I really was just overreacting sorry its all my fault did I mention im sorry?? Let me buy you a new car and pay your rent!!  No really, i owe it to you!

​

rinse and repeat.",-2.636329707426857,-1.1350647267441865,1.0494523630907722,97.42082895723934,109.05813953488372,4.312378094523631,15.432108027006752,6.207218560251982,-0.3715538634658659,585,17,143,9,31,211,100,172,0.177,0.629,0.19399999999999998,0.8521,2,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,5,0,1,6,11,2,0,7,0,6,3,2,1,1,24,19,18,2,2,7,0,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,11,0,0,2,0,5,4,4,5,0,1,2,4,22,6,11,11,1,18,0,0,1,1,8,5,1,0,10,77,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902928618398172,0.0,0.18836844010274464,0.1056245320429041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597849283925216,0.0,0.0,0.0979357677657294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879047345459198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715876588487943,0.08036163114713969,0.0,0.0,0.09880403021936617,0.14581870918365267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8450543892931102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617067384714972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888766341997383,0.0,0.04246762365590306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729958970360455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058023740174257626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445448333453838,0.0,0.1679072297186676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121415187969747,0.0,0.05890326684181661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590037822333294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843493177506499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137396650756347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461294697934214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506872148576687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056245320429041,0.0
bpd,Imnewhere524,2019/10/25,New meds I’ve been prescribed diazepam for the first time while I’m not inpatient and I’m scared to take it,2.3408695652173925,4.12321026086957,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,76.82608695652173,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,0.7373652173913037,88,3,20,1,2,27,20,23,0.132,0.868,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883326379206284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071129514013405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409291168661162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570761218344878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34326121617481564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662121091633992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LooseSeaweed,2019/10/25,Does anyone else do this? I have a compulsive need to check up on everybody (the most random people) and ask them if they're okay etc etc whenever I feel lonely or let down. I don't know it's this weird projection and I text the most random people and it's lowkey crazy,1.2355952380952395,3.4985608928571463,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,82.92857142857143,6.590476190476192,16.476190476190478,7.793537801064563,0.3080333333333343,214,4,46,4,6,70,42,56,0.131,0.8320000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.596,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,12,8,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,7,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,6,0,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447417005882525,0.2849758911612178,0.0,0.0,0.2600129452512332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433924450808904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323409789857729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6203744116963417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406303115834325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285235116021145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844056094872631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622903012238306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38563907225303024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImBackAgain12345,2019/10/25,"Headed into a funk I've been doing really well lately, but haven't had therapy in a couple weeks. Just called out for the fifth time in a month. I have the time and won't be in trouble but this is how it always starts. I call out. Then I get afraid to leave the house. But things have also been different. I've been more confident, not scared to go alone into stores or gas stations. But I've also been stressed about money and trying to communicate with my boyfriend. I'm trying not to be hard on myself but I'm also scared I'm reverting to old ways. I have therapy on Tuesday. Maybe I should go back to every week. I just don't want to repeat history. I thought I was finally beating this.",1.347276995305165,3.5994054647887346,3.142845070422535,89.39112206572771,82.38028169014085,6.321877934272301,20.030046948356805,7.554174236665415,0.7021224413145539,544,15,113,9,15,181,86,142,0.087,0.787,0.126,0.7609999999999999,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,4,6,0,17,1,1,1,0,21,26,13,0,2,10,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,5,5,1,0,7,1,10,1,19,15,1,25,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,13,76,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188002807441064,0.0,0.3518159390645148,0.12202041471519537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276097830726785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29948194861801564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622599394762547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321284739263086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355476481855895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064246539681745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661597704788692,0.0,0.1666835030665646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136514530101534,0.0,0.15050011066801994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920867882477614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542198432095356,0.155275915783774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732464580355398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705066604525595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538792934943821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394456302380784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936345203794959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379610894004758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798138952375266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33540275032295835,0.0,0.09742444363983722,0.0,0.0,0.11641977557392501,0.17101979573921958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912470237397648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649503974253372,0.11640000121206827,0.2352595995187154,0.0,0.13185149577951222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bumblebee114,2019/10/25,"Psychiatrist leaving feeling abandoned So today my psychiatrist told me she has handed in her resignation and is leaving, and therefore my therapy ends at the end of January and they recommend a break so that you can see how you cope without the help. I’m freaking out I feel like I’m being abandoned which is stupid but also I’ve seen her every week for a year, I’m scared that I won’t be able to cope without her and that’s stressing me, does anyone know what to do? How to cope? Or what things they do to manage their emotions?",2.7100000000000013,4.927347169811323,4.017584905660378,85.13826415094344,77.30188679245283,6.504150943396226,26.63773584905661,7.554174236665415,1.5430747169811316,424,17,82,6,10,139,72,106,0.174,0.782,0.044000000000000004,-0.9219,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,3,0,5,8,1,2,4,0,9,1,1,3,0,17,18,11,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,5,15,1,11,13,0,9,0,3,2,0,11,3,0,1,6,57,22,1,0.19499336409432128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593612281706667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634389399628954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706400069560328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934128921682525,0.34541248698159577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642903192442985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971890075622572,0.13930329827049953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069994166871507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716325338921663,0.0,0.0,0.4129396355135172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526390820121823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522237432581635,0.0,0.15538446530721914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233642397562378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229919056820444,0.0,0.12954492666706774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483090918580264,0.18632451564916308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641191485805764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759332892650023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556933336817525
bpd,supercreeeps,2019/10/25,"DBT in the UK Has anyone in the UK got DBT on the NHS? If so, what was the process?",-2.064499999999999,-0.8259864499999985,0.6999999999999993,107.855,88.5,4.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.661,61,1,19,0,2,21,14,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6581877717699532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7528538085793974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,katiekatX86,2019/10/25,"Dude, splitting is shit! So like I'm super cool with my bestie and then she does one thing and I hate her. Same thing happens with basically my whole family at one time. It's bullshit. I hate having this problem!!!!! Suicide is always the ""go-to."" FUCK BPD!",-0.18902222222222065,1.9225015200000044,1.4446666666666699,94.60011111111113,103.8,3.8222222222222224,17.555555555555557,5.82211442006289,-0.2317111111111112,196,6,40,2,9,63,41,50,0.353,0.515,0.132,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,6,8,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,1,6,3,3,8,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,3,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940594782304115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293735082728661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040942397770623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986104870548295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156100822448,0.0,0.0,0.13254549949782524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623754130158056,0.0,0.0,0.460517098237682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394054225237538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160746746167438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316206156428303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23939914402440626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551071344348215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098848130251525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599368763697353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603841565395145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rihannasuglytwin,2019/10/25,":/  Hey guys sorry I just need to vent. Today this guy i really liked and had been seeing told me he didn’t want us to go further than friendship and he was concerned I was catching feelings. I understand his reasons and I guess I get it but I just feel like every guy from my father to every boyfriend I’ve ever had just didn’t want me. I feel undesirable like I’m just not worthy of anyones time and I’m just very hurt and feeling very worthless like I just wanna die at this point. It just triggered me because I feel like I’M always the problem and I don’t know no matter how hard I try to no matter how nice I am or what I do I’m always getting the shit end of the stick, there’s always someone better and I’m never anyones person.  I guess I’m just tired of people not staying and I feel like I’ll always be alone and its not like I really need a relationship I just want someone who makes me feel wanted and accepted and I feel like I’m just always the second choice. I just hate feeling rejected.",0.9435031055900608,3.1901210190476204,2.9175362318840605,90.4076086956522,84.04761904761905,4.9855072463768115,20.55900621118013,6.280692351149826,0.24075155279503105,794,24,163,7,23,266,107,210,0.207,0.579,0.215,-0.6124,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,1,15,17,2,0,5,0,11,2,1,5,2,58,44,15,1,8,16,1,10,8,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,11,0,0,13,0,0,2,9,6,0,1,8,11,27,11,11,35,0,11,0,3,1,0,13,3,1,3,13,96,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940282436808894,0.0,0.0,0.3777114553620712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269611563473462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534308417969946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029397278645589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422286479230868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041058436615707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212229383772389,0.15298440066922575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131429966675656,0.2594338083361944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486521501271583,0.0,0.05159650430222648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000248521660007,0.26968104689072697,0.0,0.0,0.08132757183510447,0.08963364478798946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718966261334512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989431565086761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548326394058615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060601215413691664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463523782520573,0.07002074839467026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294046984639727,0.07927195242635393,0.0,0.0,0.0858233261135177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868711673592824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632131461247172,0.09334444604037004,0.0,0.09747156419992688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234570913148305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319183986935203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384753809374652,0.0,0.0,0.10162892883817244,0.0,0.0967671625069397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052938793967515115,0.10434662480044488,0.08605572743726772,0.08675113813061816,0.0,0.061638604743119024,0.0,0.0,0.09451276188566148,0.1092059213692059,0.0,0.0,0.14981803059464524,0.21419476351728306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilikeeatingmeals,2019/10/25,"DAE Get obsessed with people that you have split ons’ social media? It’s strange, I will feel so disconnected to these people and they aren’t even in my life anymore (I’ve separated myself from them) but I will every day check their social media to see what they’re doing. I’m obsessed with hating them? Or just obsessed with them?

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense I’m just wondering if other people do this to or if I’m the odd one out.",2.5491292134831447,4.530543280898879,3.863356741573035,87.17908005617979,76.86516853932585,5.798314606741574,20.11376404494382,6.6274283507984215,0.268021348314607,348,8,69,3,8,114,62,89,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.9223,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,5,0,4,4,1,3,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,16,16,8,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,10,0,10,14,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,6,1,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405379858684513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642049709220654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019769909696713,0.0,0.20435336572565546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263728491369225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671897195617896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394614995327184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131565207780472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189967451164491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643537576295975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044473866825853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932757731135369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494485122959988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715075991058399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263028087466022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,medic20four,2019/10/25,"DAE ever feel like they’re a child/ teenager stuck in an adult body? Holy shit.  Lately I’ve been feeling like my maturity has been regressing.  I’m 25f(almost 26), I have my masters degree, and have a well paid job.  

But lately, man my sense of humor, my behavior, my attitude has just been very child/ teenage like. 

My sense of humor is dark, but it’s also very immature.  I laugh so hard on what’s posted in r/teenagers , and my boyfriend as well as my family is getting super annoyed with me.  
For example, in my families group chat I sent this one meme that I thought was really funny to them, and my sister replies with “what is wrong with you? Seriously, stop”. And since then I’ve just been in this “what *is* wrong with w me.  

During dinners when I’m not feeling like socializing I’ll just decided that I’m over it and leave the table to go to my old room.  

I’ll hang out with the kids at the kids table. 


So I’m just wondering if this is normal?",2.296590073529412,4.149541973958336,3.8105392156862767,87.85897058823532,77.17708333333334,7.225980392156862,23.794117647058826,8.124751697461798,1.2879077205882354,737,24,156,13,17,244,113,192,0.114,0.722,0.16399999999999998,0.8536,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,2,11,15,2,0,6,0,14,3,2,0,1,28,28,15,0,2,8,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,10,11,1,1,6,1,1,3,1,5,2,1,9,4,19,10,21,19,0,20,0,0,0,0,13,9,1,2,11,92,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696412510345475,0.0,0.0,0.11736805944045656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302302638731775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327575055346655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767142952050242,0.0,0.22262665066761525,0.3145472164428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667874774652614,0.0,0.0834100325912435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314727714419994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564179245331635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311150257745369,0.1554031317782852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868082093693576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437987127749511,0.0,0.0,0.15400536525031253,0.0,0.09945188260232801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056047042495656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402153085847599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065234565523025,0.12140567147663793,0.0,0.0,0.14960861591021626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122702260118969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116515157123959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421932838988093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26391904076509365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916057444052575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32092936407600303,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kikersci,2019/10/25,"Vent And of course, right on cue at around this time of night, I have the intense urge and want to fucking kill myself. I'm not going to do anything because there's no point, but I'm fucking tired. Of all of this. Sometimes it's hard to see a point in any of this. I feel a lot like I did back in oregon with regards to mental stability, and I don't know what to do about it. I've tried making friends outside of people I was introduced to, everyone ends up not replying after a while. It's like no matter what I do people just. Fucking leave. What's the point? 'oh well you need to learn to love yourself' I'm fucking trying, really fucking hard. It's really hard when almost everything points to being bad and being evil and horrible and no good. I wish I could just. I wish it would stop. I wish I could just be happy instead of so fucking depressed and suicidal and upset all the fucking time. I wish I didn't want to die all the time. I wish I felt like I had some fucking semblance of purpose. I wish I felt alive.",2.199641916798313,3.856970199052132,3.745647709320696,89.08670747761983,76.86729857819904,6.395050026329647,24.51843075302791,7.1686216300943375,0.9663773565034228,796,27,168,9,18,264,109,211,0.20800000000000002,0.544,0.248,0.8516,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,1,0,0,11,21,10,1,7,0,15,10,0,1,3,42,43,12,3,12,6,0,6,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,11,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,7,13,1,0,6,7,20,8,27,31,5,22,0,1,1,9,3,11,8,3,13,109,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726777086943308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247360320744603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349871608120378,0.06869158289676558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933371650656843,0.06442802576941759,0.04703795363635678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321702852711132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646052724067762,0.0,0.08008319036204095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834366742204556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373271789550923,0.06934928376046319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03901601841289597,0.0,0.14817749243421752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059616075513726635,0.5706888752644897,0.0,0.0,0.04385360904870683,0.06472080795013548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214163176534985,0.20736913798926052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536961748382116,0.0,0.04240686150924967,0.0,0.0,0.0817046579917658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309408498208533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560136971520708,0.06964277565946328,0.0,0.05150701669752114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776232871476532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721551453546301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241241003452227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699045585794544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917765566904476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886540811306167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589692753872181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148905797997276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631635046993519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451186718772361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440398641542797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498339890797226,0.08868771540697855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477745774710813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102567651236997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937895882945125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.532403040213964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481450368811695,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jyushiaimono,2019/10/25,"Recovery is possible! Two months ago I was in a terrible, ugly place. I’d just lost my fp and felt forcibly isolated from all of my friends. My fp blocked me and wouldn’t respond to my apologies. I could go on and on about the terrible spiraling I was experiencing if I really wanted to.
However, about two weeks ago he finally responded and that conversation gave me a sense of closure. It still took me more time to move forward, but today I feel overwhelmingly positive about the future and can feel myself recovering. I don’t think said FP is my FP anymore, which is a huge mental relief. I’m starting to open up and talk more again, I’m making new friends, and I’m speaking more to my parents which is something that would have been inconceivable a year ago. I feel free of my childhood trauma too. It’s just such a good feeling to know you’re getting better.
I had so many doubts only a month ago about my ability to get better and improve my mental health again, but I’m seeing now how I’m growing and moving on. I’m wrestling with dissociation a lot as of late, but I’m hardly experiencing emotional distress in comparison to the last few months, which is a HUGE step towards the better for me.
Maybe this is only temporary, but calm periods like this in my life are worth cherishing and celebrating. I’m very optimistic right now, so much so that I felt the need to type this all out and share! I hope this inspires someone to keep persevering through the struggles of this mental illness. You can get better, I promise you.",6.236884384384383,6.674219250000004,6.9287387387387405,74.67632132132137,65.95945945945945,10.226426426426427,34.34984984984985,10.125756701596842,3.4430921921921915,1222,53,228,27,18,404,163,296,0.08800000000000001,0.645,0.267,0.9967,2,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,5,17,24,0,4,14,0,18,3,0,2,2,44,49,21,0,7,7,1,7,1,2,2,3,2,0,0,13,14,0,2,9,0,2,7,2,8,0,2,10,12,28,17,33,36,8,45,0,2,1,0,15,15,0,4,26,145,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592955136926569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049319166594588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584763826826697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090461296153542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398381348258756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494413194201969,0.0,0.19458743354395128,0.11100323272182344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657626460818203,0.0,0.1588239033081653,0.0,0.05758878150955345,0.08499169279368651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077273409222494,0.0,0.0,0.10771018755864643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064461518166773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006770972933678,0.0,0.0,0.05568890531334926,0.08259834545653116,0.11430585914830227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157313052852568,0.049505241729914405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061483155759487,0.08614805096338816,0.0,0.0,0.06763927519643757,0.10273379910730847,0.10180067831625857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063536517408309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24264447681073856,0.21539777924435272,0.07448999478628389,0.0751357034692364,0.0,0.0978661775706337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413368777681974,0.0,0.0,0.11251616005212904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058693995581218,0.0,0.0,0.1142355546704336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491527733045081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653617899414899,0.09638905090147007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074774236492026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585748566576001,0.07800960726245651,0.0,0.0,0.07172265196398125,0.0,0.08092312234718423,0.0,0.0,0.10593323432421714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144607465701127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492885724465845,0.0,0.0,0.05908696103357796,0.0,0.0960500047833016,0.0,0.1125825457635089,0.0,0.0,0.19797146025181245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360874391382278,0.05976768970836556,0.0,0.08128167110393561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198268386402429,0.0,0.0,0.06525388596408885
bpd,nayuun_art,2019/10/25,"This is tiresome. I just took myself out of my old FP’s life for my own sanity not even a year ago and I’ve already got a new FP.

I’m getting so jealous. She hasn’t talked to me today, and I know she’s not to blame and I don’t own her. I know what I’m feeling isn’t okay, that people don’t owe me their time and attention, my brain is still possessive and wanting her to talk to me but I also don’t want her to feel suffocated.

I’m tired of this disorder.",-0.19788461538461632,1.3683734423076963,2.648692307692308,94.59630769230768,83.80769230769229,6.083076923076924,20.015384615384615,7.1686216300943375,0.24291846153846164,354,10,89,5,10,125,63,104,0.11900000000000001,0.821,0.06,-0.8232,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,2,1,7,3,1,0,0,17,20,8,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,2,2,18,1,9,18,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,7,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522113599522092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24302993980741705,0.1761183285908659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245850180516367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524033436693442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546023205712785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271041373202224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506139707805225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613852660587045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420659528056785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555553834214054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21270008260879208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310949644325597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268016611367533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758764389851097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540260228352141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841823196654284,0.25312267364405777,0.20875285475656935,0.0,0.2446842962362916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597954237894057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182128371253727
bpd,tayjaysweetie,2019/10/25,"Perfectionism- anyone else? I’ve always been obsessed with perfection, my earliest memories are that of me getting in trouble for example. My perfectionism has lead to severe anxiety, an eating disorder, self harm, and suicidal thoughts/behaviors.  Getting in trouble (not being perfect) has affected my ability to reach out for help too. Anybody else dealing with perfectionism (or a fear of getting in trouble)?",7.9768181818181825,11.354141530303036,8.545454545454547,53.388181818181856,65.51515151515152,12.27878787878788,47.36363636363637,11.538034831475384,7.609199999999999,335,24,38,13,6,111,51,66,0.303,0.511,0.18600000000000005,-0.89,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,1,8,0,2,2,0,5,1,0,2,2,10,8,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,12,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,28,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032223369581794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683841852808347,0.0,0.0,0.17077416192664532,0.2502466984054233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517946335258123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27991343883845765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499124581137623,0.4080525033788269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27483126439565536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828067116559353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370496945718496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547894324955828,0.27591501530442164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671524653539152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fulffmeetspan,2019/10/25,I'm really going through a bad spiral. Is there anyone I can talk to? Hi. I'm having a rough moment and want know if theres someone I can talk to via PM. Thank you,-1.690540540540539,0.22419129729729906,1.6473513513513502,96.43210810810814,95.4864864864865,4.0410810810810815,12.805405405405404,5.6839178017228535,-1.0650172972972969,126,2,30,1,5,45,28,37,0.109,0.7809999999999999,0.11,-0.2415,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697501347742653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221147104201821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219250743925624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201757700551385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24714401787574644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268747334179783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6201594126595403,0.0,0.3551793817142433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275462353566408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jasmine2785,2019/10/25,"Being a Little/ABDL ? I was curious is it natural for someone to feel like they are a different age, like for me, when i get super depressed or something happens that makes me have super negative emotions that i go into little mode where i pretty much age play into a little version of my self, in my case around 6 or 7 but with pacifiers and diapers like a baby.    I don't know if there is any specific name or condition or whatever, but i consider it age regression therapy because its pretty much what it is.   


Basically when i get into extreme negative emotions my brain shuts down and i become a little girl and the closer i get to feeling like a little girl the easier i can handle my emotional state.  


Is this common with people who have BPD?  Or is this something different? I am also a trans girl, and never was a girl when i was younger, so idk if thats important or not?",4.591107899807323,5.632315543352604,6.538858381502893,73.85988680154145,69.86705202312139,9.697302504816957,31.179672447013488,9.928628108626363,3.3050620423892094,691,29,122,17,12,242,100,173,0.067,0.7290000000000001,0.204,0.9592,2,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,8,8,0,0,10,0,15,1,1,1,1,27,24,19,0,2,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,11,10,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,2,19,7,13,20,3,23,0,1,0,0,8,13,0,8,12,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080002754646084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571652654789409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220887320640414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683730018862618,0.1392094051070169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875223631127208,0.14071053913940804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856440570873943,0.0,0.0,0.26338532492952543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42535894048878586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746666413819138,0.18009651707772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756362817771125,0.0,0.07163561894890128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146326338964617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927233214765521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24632149106673426,0.5053302706597483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841375909845925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531862429249907,0.0,0.09721549392447973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738536796933287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564709581317837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149488546692498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067995183409608,0.1940748303306169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414614028692382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WolfOfSorrows,2019/10/25,"I want to die because nothing is enjoyable anymore First - this is not a suicide watch. I'm not saying that I will take action upon it. Please don't ask me to go to the hospital I do not have health insurance or money right now anyways, but at the same time I would not qualify for free healthcare, so I cannot do that in good faith even if I was.  
  
What I mean is that the things in life that I used to enjoy are other no longer available to me (such as time with an FP) or are no longer enjoyable. I just played in a tabletop RPG today - a hobby I used to be very passionate about - and I just have this cold feeling on my soul. Computer games feel the same, LARPs I play in don't feel good enough, being out playing Pokemon Go or something feels pointless...  
  
In fact, that's a good way to phrase it. Everything feels pointless. I have no passion projects or passion at all, and no one and nothing to live for. Why should I get a job or apply myself to any activity if they're all pointless and useless?  
  
What do you do when you're like this, people who know how to fight this? How do you find your passion again? I feel so old and like my fire has turned into dying embers. This feels like more than a momentary impulse to me - it feels like a state of being.",4.506580739299611,4.709771669260704,5.1374100194552526,86.83895549610895,69.6614785992218,7.9814202334630355,28.513861867704282,7.645422480735847,1.5065254863813233,977,32,210,10,16,315,146,257,0.109,0.669,0.222,0.9874,1,0,1,0,1,2,29.0,0,3,0,1,13,21,1,0,12,0,24,6,0,4,3,45,44,19,3,5,14,0,9,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,18,8,0,0,11,4,2,3,11,2,0,2,1,12,24,20,29,37,6,25,2,1,1,4,8,12,0,7,12,148,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347862295876862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174145280538945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476074759848355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483121715194645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25480371253100725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684026944227955,0.0,0.08107950415287551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032561817060192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965549596533667,0.17539452251274626,0.0,0.0,0.11219720828725883,0.10441660800823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641351996369818,0.0,0.13953068481635225,0.30888695996902155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048440892313834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218168750663314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746375675404416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670653949709514,0.23989048212204755,0.0,0.10839623000992976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337178053236434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23557632656359934,0.0,0.12881228679093248,0.0,0.08318297484537297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510389394686006,0.0,0.0,0.13474976335655922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483337205564078,0.0,0.09762088823603048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450394363509468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342756762926225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229760353308196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155395758325283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316059344587065,0.0,0.11635879934188854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352381112136807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204438779472387,0.0,0.10128696066433908,0.07240495853794078,0.0974383882204478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076863901854404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720268871116961,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dumblydora,2019/10/25,"I'm NOT splitting and i think it's a bad sign I have fallen in love with a guy, and he's beginning to withdraw from me. Not without good reason, when I'm in love with someone I get way more intense than if I just like them and I think he senses this (he obviously doesn't feel the same way about me so this is a problem). We've been talking a fraction of what we used to and while my fear of abandonment is kicking in hard, instead of lashing out, I'm kind of internalising my pain (by telling myself that it was only a matter of time before he did this and that anyone who comes to know me well enough will eventually be repulsed and want to withdraw). I'm worried that this is way worse a coping mechanism than splitting (even though right now I'm the only one getting hurt and nobody else) because in the long run it's going to chip away at my self worth (of which there wasn't much to begin with). I don't know what to feel about this, I'm happy I'm not splitting because it would kill me if I caused this guy pain but I know I can't begin a pattern of blaming myself for perceived or real abandonment.",6.870129870129869,5.011532982683982,7.311688311688311,80.04467532467534,65.49350649350649,9.612121212121213,33.98701298701299,7.686295010490155,2.2881480519480526,873,30,185,7,11,288,129,231,0.14800000000000002,0.7759999999999999,0.076,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,1,0,11,16,1,1,10,0,14,4,0,3,1,43,39,15,1,5,9,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,17,13,0,2,9,0,1,4,8,9,1,1,4,3,20,7,32,32,4,23,0,3,0,2,14,8,0,3,9,122,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175259129736098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232862032143557,0.0,0.10956383543898172,0.15998188831812887,0.0,0.11165918348263054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479984471448248,0.0,0.11303504702126653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961808902468666,0.0,0.0,0.13558610024311438,0.0,0.0866700601163294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765981219490956,0.13269829611646838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711483971656388,0.0,0.07457576959464529,0.11006172961289988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598583229484113,0.0,0.13968691602684788,0.1175480071932896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047451438917294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451763050285182,0.13664620621353155,0.2163464582561484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410782454851671,0.0,0.0,0.11612622417519684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368636791440934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646234114827884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889185683339913,0.1995985691155881,0.2792562347358104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556052486532807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493579281324222,0.0,0.1349167738200056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206179358384344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368918482919882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118290578735546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547025894274124,0.1146927091171964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681619013633064,0.1289237091973095,0.0,0.07651586778853628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333258651192185,0.0,0.0,0.07739739129844085,0.3124707428691749,0.0,0.0,0.11798320276524905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649210915870945,0.0,0.0,0.13326102941357712,0.13372514289293533,0.09321544762597796,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liminalclown,2019/10/25,"Got angry at someone I love and I don't know if I'll ever see them again I hadn't talked to someone for a couple days. I love this person with all my heart and more. They are the world to me but I could never tell them. I thought they couldn't stand me and I still think this but maybe in a different way. The other night I told them I never wanted to see them again. The next morning they demanded to see me. We met up and I tried really hard to push them away. I love this person so much I don't think they would accept me if they saw who I really was and I didn't think it was fair to put them through this life I live especially since I've been feeling worse lately. They wouldn't let me push them away and told me they cared to much to just do something like that. This made me SO mad. I had to go shut myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes to get a grip, that was some progress I'll say FOR SURE. Anyway, I left after that and later texted them and told them I couldn't be around them because I still had feelings for them and them caring about me was only going to be difficult. They didn't accept this and told me they didn't not have feelings for me but they're really scared to be vulnerable thats when I really got angry and said some really mean things and looking back now, I dont know who that person was that sent those texts. I was regretting everything I had ever said to them and opening up because they just wont. I had warned them I would act like this too and they told me it didn't matter. It did and I haven't gotten a response at all and now im even more upset. All I did was try to avoid that feeling of abandonment and it happened anyway and I'm crushed. I don't know what to do or if this person is ever going to talk to me again. I know I can't force others to be vulnerable, that its their thing to do on their own. I care about this person a lot and I don't know what to do. Any advice? Should I just wait for them? I'm in agony right now.",0.9552336448598098,2.700406626168228,2.5886074766355134,95.56141588785047,80.86915887850466,5.588411214953271,17.47570093457944,6.508806274219699,-0.3628758878504672,1548,29,365,14,40,508,173,428,0.129,0.7509999999999999,0.12,-0.5938,1,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,28,1,27,18,1,3,10,0,46,5,1,1,9,76,93,29,0,12,11,0,6,2,0,5,1,3,0,5,31,23,0,3,16,0,0,8,19,7,0,0,34,14,76,11,44,46,11,47,0,2,5,3,52,16,0,7,23,269,107,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534507760475642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243332307052095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863885340621116,0.0,0.0,0.14488337909653035,0.05928817036376381,0.0,0.09400369209794623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583781600187614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061561221925339873,0.17062808569588553,0.0,0.049725662520985904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055720635359337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036524320501392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050926425053095734,0.20923478349794025,0.0,0.0,0.06929604940118955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594427470751446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040283626197561664,0.0,0.1314598375473984,0.0,0.12333412847346015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681827593251616,0.0,0.06906998530328637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136853990358478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832854860861242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187154435830768,0.0,0.0869766025052341,0.0,0.08377365619540612,0.07884400239689296,0.054460792914894716,0.07533818063135123,0.0,0.06808419145275492,0.0,0.06474789030825237,0.0,0.0,0.06555101235468515,0.2087679480239477,0.07295761213370276,0.0,0.0,0.07746127100264164,0.08398879423632315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336053489152753,0.0,0.11893462336121095,0.0,0.08200091470205664,0.07235682433784857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586410206542305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33662093097729145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751075574972291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469737909743673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658463433001341,0.14668700674804308,0.06131614765422224,0.07719449463050443,0.0,0.184325572018756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378117577240199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065983596100822,0.05935837981544866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315061184644455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266955077352684,0.0,0.0,0.12394645233126185,0.06739224187861081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244886305214476,0.14821527390894793,0.0,0.06121191560727294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683805934765904,0.0,0.10469702777686136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547790138803128,0.061201518519980916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785755018297085,0.109544853227135,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_geisterfahrer,2019/10/25,"I hate that I was cursed into this shitty little planet called Earth I am so emotionally distraught by my future; I am not ready to start life as an adult. I can’t stifle through the pain anymore. I’ve been going to therapy for two years and I have never made progress. In fact, I’ve only became worse. I attempted suicide recently, and started relapsing in self-harm. I haven’t officially been diagnosed with borderline (under age, but suspected) or bipolar, but I am taking lamotrigine (it’s working better than antidepressants ever have), in hopes that I will become better. 

My therapist wants me to cope healthily, but I don’t know how to *cope* anymore—it is such a stupid thing to do—why do I need to *cope* when I can be comforted by my negative thoughts and act on a whim. There is no reason to cope anymore because life only gets harder, and harder. I have to take an ACT test in two days and I’ve been too unmotivated to study. I have been way too busy with homework, and anytime I want to spend leisure time, my parents treat me as if I’m just lazy. The college that I’m going to forces us to take religion classes (I’m non-religious), and I feel so betrayed by society because of it. 

Why do those that struggle mentally have to be treated as if we don’t have justified issues—why doesn’t anybody put any consideration into how we might feel. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of this shitty little planet.",3.2056182795698898,5.152382899641577,4.8039650537634415,81.32594758064519,74.84229390681004,7.660752688172043,27.75403225806452,8.472884824447931,2.132355913978495,1115,45,212,21,24,375,155,279,0.21100000000000002,0.711,0.078,-0.9915,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,3,0,0,5,13,11,2,2,6,0,28,7,0,4,3,39,51,23,1,6,8,1,2,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,11,13,0,0,7,0,1,5,9,5,0,2,7,2,26,6,35,40,0,27,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,5,11,138,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204225902215699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23929344904806735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708728732996884,0.13324214748399488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134001532650086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319131606743294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780559090462694,0.0,0.0,0.12245142190195005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570859583487013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912967364345233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220027630269476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303166576734133,0.0,0.13712986845621752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911126621128405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198270086544478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630295050454829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042926967899513,0.0,0.2418345599552432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415655086863136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158107552403792,0.1279845338458102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945621753945708,0.09304831932337612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351084860165576,0.12837403805233374,0.0,0.13396121451699394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128084065297695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404243058460533,0.1191216886408007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258583133036598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078530872406514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612361389875676,0.0,0.13196527954486922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721284909045112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379672678623552,0.14007732746331172,0.0801507101480574,0.0,0.0,0.09577809571100307,0.07034865977037602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23570389571372305,0.0,0.14512023473800553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231826430084418,0.09576182742055844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32658813903937145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783048507507613,0.0,0.12294684556305135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769097178265605
bpd,PikachuDiaries,2019/10/25,"Escaping Sometimes, like rn, I get the idea to cut contact with everyone and just suddenly disappear. I’d take just enough with me to some undisclosed location far from everyone I know and just live for like a year. If things don’t work out, which I doubt they would. I’d just kill myself. With no form of identification, authorities wouldn’t be able to tell my loved ones of my death, and they’d be able to live their lives believing I’m happy somewhere else.",5.4617228464419485,6.516740808988768,5.57477528089888,81.51399812734084,67.87640449438203,9.978277153558057,29.44007490636704,10.125756701596842,2.737492883895132,368,13,74,9,6,116,62,89,0.175,0.6859999999999999,0.139,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,3,1,4,7,2,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,19,11,4,2,3,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,10,4,12,6,3,5,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,3,4,44,12,1,0.3757051707574529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116455352899244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692673036665716,0.0,0.0,0.1941019368575749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590023911501263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814522253084924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999725702402856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206270339730254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078310530455169,0.0,0.10323886815462237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835505688308874,0.0,0.4976318235249666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954429255890682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729377351574675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579101031773093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412417656620975,0.0,0.16419143955887044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480091058552545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367589194692066,0.0,0.0,0.1334450868990681,0.0,0.0,0.12097090599495874
bpd,blitzkriegzo84,2019/10/25,"Why cant i stop being annoying even when i realize it?! TLDR my boyfriend gets so annoyed when i whine but sometimes i get in a weirdly bad and empty mood and i just cant stop being a baby until he gets super annoyed then i get upset at him ughhh 🙄  
Ealier my bf was texting his lil sis right when we got home and i wanted him to give me a quick hug or say something sweet to me really quick but he wanted to wait till he was done talking to her i guess. Im not really jealous of her i just wanted his attention for just a second. He got annoyed and kinda raised his voice at me so i got all in my head and left to another room and laid down on a floor pillow till he came in. Then he was annoyed that i was acting like taht nd still whining which like i dont blame him but i rlly couldnt help it. And he got so annoyed at me for whining for so long and i didnt rlly stop till we smoked a b*ng lol.. then i got sad bc i dont want him to hate me! Weve been dating for almost 2 years and he loves me so much but i know i am a lot to handle sometimes... he also doesnt fully understand my bpd bc neither do i and idk how he can help me! Sorry if this is long and annoying lol!!!!",-0.8392522179974655,1.0571684524714833,2.0966806083650202,95.64481812420787,88.80988593155894,4.72339670468948,17.13168567807351,6.079149491110277,-0.4213045880861848,905,22,216,8,30,318,135,263,0.19899999999999998,0.655,0.146,-0.9503,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,0,1,17,23,9,1,7,2,20,3,1,1,1,43,41,34,0,6,10,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,5,14,0,4,4,0,0,2,9,16,0,1,14,3,42,6,24,24,4,34,0,4,0,2,30,12,0,6,22,140,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666966015799847,0.0,0.0,0.0931743825146613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217270005061005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972824217210897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674243600088888,0.0,0.0,0.13325837164308174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923194428468928,0.2731017424410717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695489396703906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434902649780833,0.11176866103625888,0.0,0.0,0.4659253407880506,0.0,0.12835079815497466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503120462781595,0.11957464107937565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156190703471203,0.0,0.11687075761065108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585265398206835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403179572776728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659032757605224,0.0,0.0,0.11384348491202095,0.0,0.0,0.20621841628355275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905410010475924,0.10515637861973852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564952216387745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928078597509778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950037454025153,0.0,0.09265479829535274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969641634948039,0.23046614581056504,0.13042533455981964,0.0,0.0,0.09304641221859176,0.29222705157372963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364770928646897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212928122930282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748865309521004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513370745919846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502972940453842
bpd,crossfadednudes,2019/10/25,"Body image struggles Feeling much worse about my body and it's causing a lot of distressing thoughts. I can't stand my stomach, thighs, breasts, arms or face. I'm so disgusting, i can feel every ounce of fat on me and I can't stop thinking about cutting away at these areas because they don't even feel like a part of me but more like some parasite that's stuck to me.  
Idk if this is particularly a bpd thing but I don't know where else to post so sorry if this is the wrong place.",3.657957142857143,4.53031871,4.259428571428575,89.96900000000002,71.9,7.314285714285713,27.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.1941714285714284,381,13,85,4,7,121,72,100,0.242,0.731,0.027000000000000003,-0.955,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,2,4,0,7,8,8,1,0,17,15,9,0,2,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,6,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,3,10,2,10,13,5,9,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,5,3,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443867010309925,0.0,0.0,0.11966808106936007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361098580806129,0.2472441826847481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016633122038462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639908929939546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966017452754272,0.0,0.16539871180822024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977790290708556,0.14024311469208187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788623544761562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181322150659652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668948035033715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443096263211742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125834044563171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510101434310785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800965779868745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197517372849944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412302737994358,0.0,0.205224681572082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041890776389706,0.1257868140992652,0.0,0.15584733569123296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000555363979931,0.0,0.21463296094222056,0.0,0.0
bpd,bigmflonna,2019/10/25,"Can anyone relate to this??? Me: *in my darkroom, alone and crying* everyone hates me. I will never be noticed. I am just a whole shadow. Nobody cares about me. Nobody thinks I'm interesting.

Me: *10 minutes later* Wow I had a breakdown??? That's c r a z y.",-1.6655882352941165,-0.7418984901960783,1.8008333333333333,89.72125000000004,122.13725490196079,3.2686274509803925,16.014705882352942,5.46131890053228,-0.2520470588235293,191,6,37,2,12,68,42,51,0.09699999999999999,0.695,0.20800000000000002,0.7622,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,3,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34065310685284217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998255984729796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353471826202597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612938248617878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31428902179124063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247319994532504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536768161463969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744679088783371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075320052260135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672179300295345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veryemmappropriate,2019/10/25,"Went off of Abilify this week And what a fucking nightmare. I feel like my skin has been peeled off and everything chafes the underlying tissue. My paranoia has skyrocketed and things people say to me seem so intensely personal and rude. 

But I have to try and bear it so maybe I can get to the other side. You know the possible side effect that can make your behavior more compulsive/erratic? Since I started Abilify I've spent thousands of dollars on unnecessary cosmetics, clothing, etc. My impulse control has vanished. I feel calmer on it and like things don't get to me as much, but I'm also depressed and little things like spending money on makeup give me that little rush again. My husband says my personality did a 180 and I seem like a different person.

Any survival stories of going off Abilify and feeling like yourself again after?",4.768940092165899,7.322271870967742,5.552373271889403,74.9742741935484,72.2258064516129,8.557603686635945,32.36175115207373,9.23628265651192,3.414271889400922,680,33,110,16,14,221,100,155,0.051,0.8320000000000001,0.11699999999999999,0.8583,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,3,5,8,2,0,6,0,9,2,1,3,0,20,25,15,0,0,2,1,4,5,0,0,0,2,0,3,10,9,0,1,7,0,4,3,1,3,0,1,4,6,16,5,16,21,3,19,0,1,0,1,9,11,1,2,10,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586359073926035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852601029259188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624995971047386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478827811917648,0.0,0.0,0.1513728231884452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158383044883834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021229395197526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21977293706292295,0.20701015323276697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394281734353547,0.15139170042782688,0.13898582475437926,0.08234085087351267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962439432678345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35391473997968315,0.2904234308908999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671111848786773,0.0,0.14555533651412514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650632625815562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044424349320467,0.3795210606685772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333481148599693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304349616276176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637936954605505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984944711921833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254955973741743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887632466655999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836664769914548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621711353640625,0.0,0.0,0.13430881321417484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helenann18,2019/10/25,I think I might have BPD? Help. I started an antidepressant called Lexapro two months ago due to depression/anxiety and derealization. Since getting help (seeing a psych and going to therapy) I’ve been questioning if I have BPD... I’ve never thought anything of my moods before until I started the antidepressant and began to log how I feel. Lately it’s been all over the place. I’ve been feeling too good some moments and others just empty and wanting to lay in bed all day. The Derealization is probably the worst out of all my symptoms. I haven’t had a full blown episode in a long time but the feelings of being disconnected remains almost every single day. I’ve been looking up the symptoms of BPD and I’m starting to look back on events in my life and it’s like I’m slowly putting these pieces together. How should I approach this to my psych and how does one go about diagnosing? Thanks!!,4.0189473684210535,6.257932649122808,4.796350877192981,80.97978947368424,73.3859649122807,7.3670175438596495,28.94385964912281,8.238735603445708,2.159325614035088,717,30,131,12,15,231,107,171,0.032,0.875,0.09300000000000001,0.8688,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,10,0,12,4,0,3,4,30,31,14,0,3,3,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,5,9,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,7,6,12,3,19,21,8,30,0,0,3,0,4,9,0,5,18,85,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623598655331514,0.0,0.13130453778019174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031163453930143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790617447431047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100828406630764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157923934348102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954488006327274,0.0,0.13389511224152173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913186188368046,0.0,0.0,0.13309093045747494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474993654628375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047997503486652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989049330432565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850833510105966,0.0,0.14904475181156301,0.10998292919583808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578304502709485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791672927252295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261872882508423,0.0640619255486635,0.0,0.0,0.11604308178838353,0.22022695497025047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910480114591314,0.0,0.0,0.10466415181547024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113306324991853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885490569399916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699958540503085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137685639815387,0.0,0.0,0.13181864022856565,0.14689201325644308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044910736488414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846943474070334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27843664810303403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725818822743052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072392970794595,0.14995491083133036,0.0,0.0,0.0840207516096963,0.0,0.10410002332050904,0.07646108505602074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809181921182522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734197742537831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdthrowaway32,2019/10/25,"DAE often feel like they're watching a movie of their life instead of actually making the decisions and taking actions in it? This is sort of difficult to describe.. But a lot of times, especially when I'm very intense or angry, I start to feel like I'm watching a movie about my own life. Like I'm not really the one acting, but rather I'm watching somebody else take the actions for me. I wouldn't say its a dissociation since I still have certain memories but I feel as if its another me taking over for me.",5.817647058823527,5.862880568627451,7.0047058823529404,75.12117647058824,66.84313725490196,9.937254901960783,33.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.1461254901960785,406,17,78,8,6,138,67,102,0.044000000000000004,0.858,0.09699999999999999,0.4621,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,3,2,0,1,1,18,15,8,0,3,7,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,7,9,4,12,14,2,9,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,5,7,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.208824098142928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243879538554053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787618083773324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246004504379077,0.3057500613250564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022959826649512,0.3136352060885332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192727863334496,0.0,0.0,0.142840483651214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500566662978392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370879505036838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017402902421722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770153552095185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146375039545595,0.0,0.17089328501921844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826832252702433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477972401397393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656477517591646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gh_s7,2019/10/25,"he’s not even really an FP yet my brain is still on a fucking emotional rollercoaster about how he reacts to things I say… I realized it’s my Boundary Issues I’ve been pretty successful in unlearning my unhealthy attachment and codependent tendencies that have lead to really hectic FP situations in the past. I have found the line between overcompensating with avoidant behaviors & denting my human needs for genuine connection & intimacy! 

but then there’s this guy… 

he started out as a crush based on my more maladaptive traits, including projecting previous relationship dynamics onto a new person, but luckily I never acted upon my crush during the worst of that. even now I would definitely say that I am not “acting upon” my crush because he has clearly defined some important boundaries that preclude anything further than 

I have gotten to know him in a relatively healthy way, yet I still feel like I am in SUCH a roller coaster of being affected and worried about how I come across. some of it is probably just my formerly usual interpersonal anxiety coming out in different ways than I am used to, I guess. it’s probably more related to my ACOA traits than my specifically BPD ones (even though they massively overlap).

I am being mindful of taking things at face value and by letting myself feel all these things I feel rather than feeling guilty or angry at myself for allowing myself an imperfect attempt at intimacy. I forgot about the term radical acceptance until just now looking at the post flair, but that is exactly what I have been trying to do. 

I don’t like being anxious of potentially overstepping boundaries!! 

BUT I accept that that anxiety developed because of being raised by someone who never had good boundaries of her own & punished me for “”not knowing how to read her””! 

I was never taught how to build them myself but I accept that, and I acknowledge the sheer amount of work I have put in to finding my boundaries & learning how to communicate them without just avoiding interactions entirely!!

I remind myself that the protective anxiety isn’t as necessary when interacting with someone with better boundary setting skills! I accept that I want to do the right thing but won’t always know what that is until miscommunications happen, and that when (not if) miscommunications happen, IT DOESNT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON!

thanks y’all, I appreciate all the casual support & commiseration we have here together.",13.785617749419947,10.24909625522042,12.848339617169376,50.92499202436196,53.96519721577725,16.250638051044085,49.2112819025522,14.099209189292512,6.966467401392112,1990,96,290,59,16,655,232,431,0.095,0.736,0.16899999999999998,0.9879,1,2,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,3,6,27,19,2,2,17,0,31,3,2,11,7,74,57,26,0,5,17,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,3,25,13,0,4,16,3,0,6,12,6,0,1,8,6,52,13,58,42,10,51,0,0,1,1,20,21,1,5,22,237,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414839930804035,0.4827645731890737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451151980336732,0.1006712994058643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733316590152941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744048747491139,0.10864380855913323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881240390885043,0.0,0.0,0.11223356057406852,0.09947856600235662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352435376473167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310316977783474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023910953389624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657308933051338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023100528395344,0.06366169645317513,0.0,0.0,0.081446837843617,0.0,0.0,0.09770680951992176,0.0,0.08238269327996921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474299501936793,0.0,0.0,0.09816701611365597,0.08823498143353711,0.15760305762114107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300987217926844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692102612570546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911231517749187,0.0,0.08707133401928098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483171397063901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948301349160249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997781009185908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607548721038073,0.20618621720800984,0.08606501391239288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038465989487667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850675752216593,0.0,0.15561848334207315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534475144341001,0.09065903411443504,0.19215581455928304,0.0,0.0,0.08958226555795687,0.0,0.0,0.0891362071697894,0.0,0.1141749761819356,0.0,0.0,0.09567303772329833,0.0,0.07610123981476072,0.0,0.141731024785449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016572525172368,0.0,0.0,0.15100877303547594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307399749682273,0.0,0.1423300638388177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112334617081256,0.0,0.0,0.06700120317670194,0.0,0.0,0.0820424418848901,0.0,0.0,0.2368084575431532,0.0,0.08755217811226844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060501261113488164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696423615170797,0.09814437986599757,0.0,0.052560620777791306,0.1414660618794636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590087688146465,0.0,0.064874664421173,0.0904976552046428,0.0,0.06330267352821997,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Helmcame2317,2019/10/25,"Nothing but fails all day, and i realize nothing is as it seems, No one is who i thought they were, now i'm trapped I feel my failure intensely  
as if it were a vital organ  
the gods grew from the side of my head.  
You can't cover it with a hat and I no longer  
can sleep on that side it's so tender.  
I wasn't quite faithful enough  
to carry this sort of weight up the mountain.  
When I took my vows at nineteen  
I had no idea that gods were so merciless.  
Fear makes for good servants  
and bravery is fraudulent. When I awoke  
I wasn't awake enough.  


Jim Harrison",0.8760256410256417,2.9250773931623972,2.3321581196581214,95.70798076923077,82.76068376068376,5.609401709401709,22.57051282051281,6.816661863887847,0.478020512820513,433,15,99,5,12,140,80,117,0.225,0.67,0.105,-0.9513,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,2,5,6,0,1,5,0,11,4,2,1,1,14,17,11,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,5,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,8,2,14,4,11,9,3,11,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,4,66,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371979597234552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460527185098523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507681743938633,0.11267964169688355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691598340397586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22870836341178175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515704929096165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875408671720722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276611167148081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100890837784553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370283762857009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287424477938346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301091150788535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691798512369575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475945185206685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713712296706228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cacabuzz,2019/10/25,"Too anxious to leave the house, teachers won't help me because I can't go to class It's a real bitch of a situation. I leave the house once every few days to get frozen pizzas, brownies and whatnot but anything else, meeting people, going to class, doing activities, etc. makes me nervous as fuck. I get so nervous I get sweaty, then my clothes get wet and I smell like I just hit the gym.

I asked a question to my professor via email and literally all he could say was ""Did you come to class?"". 

I always figured it would be easier to do the work at home and show up to exams only rather than getting ""help"" and having like these stupid ""help resources"". I always avoid asking questions out of fear of looking stupid asking something obvious but this time I thought whatever, I really need the answer. 

Anyway thanks for reading, I'm just really down because of my teacher's response and I know people on here are really understanding.",4.944131374243735,6.416585876404498,5.660112359550562,78.86989196197064,69.4494382022472,7.948833189282628,29.984442523768358,8.384062270229773,2.316657216940364,738,29,131,11,13,240,119,178,0.193,0.7340000000000001,0.073,-0.9634,0,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,7,11,4,4,8,0,11,2,0,1,2,28,32,11,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,8,1,1,7,3,0,3,2,8,0,0,3,4,18,3,20,24,3,11,0,0,1,1,13,5,2,2,5,80,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233719020613566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735662567414592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005422892992988,0.0,0.340997142167295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823437297563227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473485152362604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707585870359524,0.0,0.0,0.0784123712600144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156880171991403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559959566485347,0.0,0.0,0.10244074324906337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681711038993716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240352344379832,0.3176161455636469,0.0,0.1381992994488835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444879143592701,0.0,0.1219598313377808,0.0,0.0,0.2805859061519321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682002552965417,0.0,0.0,0.2574822629451434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880073769205984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210091441236592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115904002785003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015385732136873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948422984810626,0.0,0.09247099484426392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858368522032474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724064159245576,0.0,0.12161806507407293,0.13839053319350206,0.2336717052029494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668940121346037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366668167588875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360219813094654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119392820583706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965250377530614,0.07089728595880541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657444199193474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851544630123062,0.0,0.0,0.08637061092192352,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,T4blespoon,2019/10/25,"Why is this ""favorite person"" thing a thing? Why is this ""favorite person"" thing a thing? I often see it on the subreddit and I understand what it is. I'm mainly wondering **why** do people with BPD often get fixated on a person?",0.05295454545454703,2.2054615681818177,2.9140909090909086,83.96613636363638,103.77272727272728,5.836363636363638,19.13636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.268463636363637,175,6,31,4,8,61,26,44,0.0,0.8270000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.8196,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,9,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472351544579546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151765781969138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470836660246216,0.5089854868323708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483793386961428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163571209968968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228097768853348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259969341338121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071821344618685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neonnaturenurse,2019/10/25,How do I learn to trust Where do I start? I have been with my SO for over 5 months and my mind just will not stop obsessing over his past or that he will end up not wanting me one day. I can be perfectly fine and the next second my world is crashing down because I thought about him with his ex or in a past experience and I am no longer what he wants. How do I get through this? Anyone been here before? What did you do?,1.8914285714285728,2.9227192417582444,2.9657142857142884,96.95428571428572,76.36263736263736,6.518681318681319,21.791208791208792,6.868970318607317,0.13013846153846131,325,8,82,3,7,104,67,91,0.024,0.823,0.154,0.8997,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,1,2,0,14,0,0,2,1,19,19,8,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,15,3,11,12,0,15,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,8,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860228041618032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621767792017375,0.0,0.22638221033495384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157512883480097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356343123901368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602401981718775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899600335868126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686266550087098,0.0,0.21235224554525195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829387642374633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027699479281875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5079345264830727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830594952579546,0.0,0.0,0.22242308672009664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120768983440769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138370167112309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GoneAgainstTheWind,2019/10/25,"Sometimes I feel entitled. Sometimes I’m numb. Sometimes I self-loathe. You know, the motions. I read a post on here that talked about replaying moments in a past relationship and highlighting all of the red flags that you have given. You know, during the many fights I’ve had with my FP, I felt like he owed me something. Like he wasn’t allowed to be mad or upset at me and my behavior because that was just disrespectful to me. I always had a way of turning it on him so I sounded innocent in the situation.




Prior to my diagnoses, I’ve done this so many times in my relationship. It’s disgusting. I have no idea how he put up with it for 2 1/2 years. Yeah, when things were good, they were REALLY good... but it wasn’t long before I would lose my sanity in an episode. It was mentally and emotionally abusive to him. I completely tore him down until he finally had the courage to leave. Good for him. Really... I’m a horrible human being. I think about the shit I’ve threatened him with and what I’ve done when he’s made me mad by trying to break things off with me. The fact that there has been dozens of times he was the one coming back to me just shows how much I fucked him up.




Sometimes I am so depressed that I can’t pry myself out of bed even if I tried. I completely sink down into my bed and shut everything out. I remember during my last depressive state, I open my eyes and I realized how much of a disaster my place was. How I haven’t showered in days and realizing I haven’t had any interaction with my poor children all day and only getting up to feed them. It absolutely sickens me to say that. Granted that much of a low would only last a day because I would feel horrible and force myself to try and make it up to them the next day.




I just think to myself sometimes... how could anybody want to live with this forever? How would anybody in their right mind want to grow old with someone like me? Somebody who just allows herself to do this. Why would anybody want to come home to a messy house with dishes piling up in the kitchen and dirty laundry everywhere? Nobody. Absolutely nobody. I couldn’t subject anyone to that shit no matter how gut wrenchingly lonely I am.. Then I come to the realization that I will never be good enough for a relationship and I sure as hell I’m not good enough for marriage. I can’t even be a decent mother. I lose all motivation and I get so discouraged. I become so sad in life. Just numb. Holding on by a string, feeling like I’m never going to get better and that there’s no way out of this sickness in my head.





I disgust myself. It’s sick that I also sometimes feel like I’m on top of the world and that nobody can treat me badly or disrespectfully and get away with it without me becoming manic and impulsive. Push push push until they cave or simply go mad. A lot of times I don’t even know what’s going on in my mind. I question a lot of the actions taken during my episodes because they are so foggy. I couldn’t tell you what would go on in my head when I felt the need to drive an hour to my FP’s home at 2am in a weeknight after a fight. He needed a night alone because I upset him and he turned off his phone. Just because I felt like I was unwanted and I cared for, I drove up to let myself in his house and picked his room lock to force him to talk to me.
You guys. I’m psychotic and I hate myself for it.




I’m being so raw here.




How dare I say I love somebody and treat them the way I do? How can I tear somebody down and completely make their lives hell by throwing them around and yet still tell him I love him? Why am I so selfish? How come I manipulate to get what I want with the things I know they’d comply to? I used him as a crutch until he collapsed.
In all actuality I should’ve been the one breaking up with him a very long time ago when I started realizing how much I hurt him... before I gave him all of this extra baggage to carry for years and into his future relationships. I’ll always miss him.





I found help since. I wake up every day with a heavy heart thinking about what I did to the man that would have done anything for me. I thought I loved him, but I don’t think I even know what that means anymore. I’m glad he has done away with me. He made a promise to himself and he kept it. I know he saw how damaged I was and I know he wanted to help... but it wasn’t his job. I know I have to learn how to be alone. Since being given a final diagnosed 4 months ago and put on decent medication for 11, it’s helped a ton. Ive had two episodes and they were minor. I was able to distract myself. I’ve realized when I begin to miss doses is when I go off the wall. I’ve always been bad with routine, but if it means not losing the ones I love then I’ll have to really be all in. My first DBT appointment is next Wednesday.




Here’s to bearable future.",2.069116436781613,3.786261059000005,3.701758620689656,88.99533333333332,77.41,6.677701149425287,22.894252873563207,7.545688947483621,0.8600290804597694,3769,114,817,52,87,1255,367,1000,0.166,0.718,0.11599999999999999,-0.9962,4,4,1,0,2,0,99.0,0,5,11,7,53,58,13,4,44,1,71,25,8,23,10,162,149,73,0,20,18,1,7,6,0,8,9,3,7,4,43,54,3,3,32,2,2,20,19,35,0,6,40,13,149,23,131,88,16,133,2,13,3,5,83,55,5,8,57,551,192,4,0.045959893116079606,0.054454957925215854,0.04485022588700712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148134437227163,0.0,0.0,0.09520117697943632,0.0,0.036754109920076834,0.1147269385285562,0.0,0.0,0.031254303350823805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557986417946739,0.032136225887504685,0.0,0.037821075997848765,0.04091404893649697,0.0,0.0,0.08636166497944557,0.03534032087136959,0.07674918201181702,0.14008362129628513,0.10151818212258908,0.07821696787140997,0.0,0.0,0.04064779057007442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685917409815095,0.0,0.0,0.15836151340979576,0.14456422052595214,0.0,0.0,0.036695234862649764,0.0,0.0,0.14820164446389555,0.0,0.07917037719037652,0.09329664812934198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813171036725174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169869372309565,0.0,0.09497771088551048,0.0,0.12142430378038087,0.0,0.03872319218423317,0.0,0.04130578842171661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295481159905876,0.06566751365069627,0.1323861145954124,0.10069363281367526,0.0,0.03909346160591503,0.0,0.0503926505684207,0.0,0.042489180597964464,0.12006073614258875,0.0,0.13060033202010266,0.19274488896704034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550751998902117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537587934606735,0.09433621953316536,0.0,0.0,0.05446269463081193,0.09241784268822084,0.0,0.09220304027211808,0.0,0.045261236803879966,0.10606309192517327,0.049201016145882216,0.05188312507063668,0.0,0.0,0.04560810218986256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020668424124362,0.07492689414965019,0.0,0.048664890725239884,0.0,0.0469971045892188,0.032462831703403694,0.13472209351586395,0.0,0.08116685529154755,0.081346118268476,0.0,0.1542520929345878,0.0,0.07814691517191964,0.16592239172516876,0.08697672426032008,0.06135717107880403,0.09319223585847357,0.0,0.10012759441553684,0.0,0.046299757088462935,0.046316762378781635,0.0,0.09281278070892847,0.0,0.03668474820229766,0.0,0.13514323861359054,0.06815735677976384,0.0708942058173146,0.0,0.09775773546514006,0.043130246280896685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822717653914334,0.0,0.09343083908051504,0.06990913949376107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043873918449602776,0.0,0.0,0.04801830624169714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04401687311731926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240477357863487,0.05148559870567538,0.0,0.04597233051587569,0.0,0.0883292532014504,0.0,0.0,0.1973749007872984,0.052063599554803726,0.0392494976005424,0.0,0.07309830340188374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047946192000311236,0.0,0.0943543396444896,0.07603699704410362,0.05166084550650863,0.0,0.0,0.038941668291763834,0.03538217111797902,0.27273305689936034,0.0,0.0325306489018328,0.0,0.036703630011315366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331665534891178,0.0,0.0,0.07388164231379113,0.08034194469548685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160113234113176,0.11779697491854775,0.0,0.03648702136428842,0.10719833310262357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361125161760056,0.0999823319895093,0.04489613734074602,0.0,0.0,0.039694591172457085,0.0,0.037921725130154314,0.13554167869817013,0.10944247169582684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294330986636919,0.0,0.0,0.04430369688129023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285401259113665,0.0,0.0,0.05919332862493831
bpd,MoonGolfPro,2019/10/25,"Is it wrong for me to be upset in this situation? So I was chatting to my best friend about just how bad I felt and mentioned that my biggest fear is being abandoned. She then doesn't respond to me for 4 days with no reason and hasn't told me why yet, I'm confused, hurt, and sad that she doesn't want to talk to me but I'm also mad. I mean who the fuck just leaves in the middle of a conversation without a reason? For four days I felt like shit, I felt like she hated me and abandoned me for no reason and I still feel like garbage cause the only thing she's said to me today is ""ok"" as if she has the right to be mad. If she answered sooner I wouldn't have spammed her so much.",2.7732432432432432,3.176821189189192,4.054972972972973,92.35083783783787,73.5945945945946,6.460540540540541,23.58378378378379,5.6839178017228535,0.2163843243243244,528,13,126,2,10,174,87,148,0.28800000000000003,0.628,0.083,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,20,5,3,6,1,13,2,1,5,0,28,25,14,0,4,6,0,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,9,1,0,0,7,14,0,1,6,5,23,6,18,15,2,11,0,4,0,1,16,5,2,3,9,88,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931529395162772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457588052329285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657633663004625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326963758093376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244348794489707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678916318362127,0.07544007115311396,0.10658860616327197,0.4297665815445895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527165409421718,0.1379331205090799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730424418555207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972183020974234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798140002933586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867494852383007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252268639259382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096792663175573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347342578478653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602077636835606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741609996394748,0.14192349474919766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315179438129167,0.0,0.1677072028353399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915142043746504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199214168084604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912193997125317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414242823436226,0.1425671227003305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800210518897769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346299151244158,0.0,0.0,0.1438236057961897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163126925651623,0.0,0.0
bpd,jensamember,2019/10/25,"Attention-seeking behavior Not a DAE post, mostly just a vent because I know many of us struggle with this. 

I HATE how whenever I’m extra stressed or feeling down on myself, all I want is attention and validation from other people—preferably men (I’m a female). I’m in a happy marriage where my husband supports me and yet I feel the need to be a shitty person when I’m in that mood. I never have any desire to cheat or actually participate in sexual conversations or anything like that—all I want is attention and for other men to think I’m cute. I don’t understand why my husband’s attention is never good enough for me. 

This isn’t something that I actually act on very often, and when I do I’ll just post a selfie or something on Snapchat or FB and hope that it garners the attention I crave. But it still makes me feel like a shit person. Why do I have to be like this? 

I know I’m going to regret posting this. I always do...vulnerability is so damn hard",4.458806502775573,5.220702541237113,6.3485567010309305,76.12622125297382,69.97938144329896,9.06201427438541,30.38699444885012,9.265573868473778,2.661014750198255,759,30,146,15,13,265,105,194,0.16399999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.122,-0.8825,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,10,16,4,2,9,0,12,1,1,2,3,39,33,15,0,6,9,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,6,0,0,11,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,0,4,20,8,17,31,4,19,0,1,0,0,9,8,2,8,9,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.2762784891891073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778679155305148,0.0,0.0,0.09626363680060236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164893769154809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629185357812992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626625591695372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472646795703626,0.10112837283097853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045012417331557,0.11873132335363056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069009412615325,0.12680729714795938,0.1397582636812363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059807442526864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559208686475648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747284835715396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449041889597468,0.14351661345028366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496274648469042,0.21835502149771133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720428263145494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067175235968394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530626039147365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179550400779046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304762960201517,0.0,0.16215310330495233,0.14798614646935054,0.0,0.0,0.16063724379383856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070403107761044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473658638795878,0.1702756815297434,0.0,0.0,0.11679937747469354,0.16698801164225185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554664094218413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kayb1217,2019/10/25,"Weed and BPD? So I've suspected that I've had bpd for awhile now and I've found that I fit almost every trait in some way. I haven't been diagnosed but my question is, is that do you think weed helps at all with bpd like as far as mood swings, uncontrollable anger etc? I used to smoke almost every day and a lot and it made me agitated when I came down from it and also depressed the next day. But i noticed if I only take a hit or 2, i feel okay but I also almost feel numb? It used to make me happy and giggly but now i guess it just kind of makes me not feel. I cant tell if this is a good or bad thing. I like smoking weed but I guess I dont want to make everything worse. It also makes me dissociate a lot but I guess I'm used to that because it happens to me a lot when I'm sober. Has smoking weed helped any of you with these problems and do you find it's good or bad for someone with borderline? Any help would be much appreciated.",1.6982766990291258,2.7375200291262156,3.5797936893203897,92.32901092233013,76.86407766990291,6.703398058252428,21.127427184466022,7.1686216300943375,0.2739621359223299,730,17,178,8,16,247,110,206,0.17300000000000001,0.667,0.159,-0.6445,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,9,15,1,1,6,1,13,2,0,8,1,54,36,26,0,5,13,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,14,11,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,5,3,23,7,18,28,7,14,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,16,9,109,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952454631607363,0.0,0.0,0.23578806763474436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367016293571654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412260976586665,0.059911751265465635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37134794447626507,0.0,0.0,0.11240834335886513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676742617146125,0.0,0.08465008082191687,0.09975408839561166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518568798981002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096103296973623,0.0,0.0,0.1656135268976034,0.0,0.08832945989137783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908288795426206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898279019294429,0.0,0.0,0.1077610615190032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648684369896332,0.0,0.0,0.32480587324071075,0.0,0.08691038460544541,0.10462294020931552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976289145151636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234550428302354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960311715006957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506673425104223,0.0,0.09299673690523508,0.2624158012199683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224852575646565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452394572016208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189462676595044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474783521754988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404253210881004,0.0,0.0,0.11009825256030137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327395890287048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389577873689221,0.0,0.08590273727645723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529414604497165,0.06297509119764846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546520911119176,0.0,0.0,0.05796922770216662,0.07801162002908166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015768138714384,0.06981666201065563,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nova-ok,2019/01/01,"Started a new relationship; paranoid already Does anyone know how I can be less paranoid and more trusting in my boyfriend? I feel awful, I know I should trust him, he hasn’t given me a reason not to, but I can’t help it. I got really paranoid the other day and said something to him about it, he took the battery right out of his phone and threw it. I ended up dissociating right afterwards; so the next few minutes were a blur (it happens to me a lot with people throwing things, because of my ex) but I remember him crying and feeling so bad. I know he cares, but I just can’t make the feelings stop. I feel like he’s going to get sick of me acting like this and leave.",5.147390510948907,4.960828729927009,6.075611313868617,82.00494981751825,68.27007299270073,8.30985401459854,30.99361313868613,7.645422480735847,1.9154532846715324,524,19,108,5,8,174,88,137,0.17800000000000002,0.687,0.134,-0.7572,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,8,1,7,1,0,3,0,27,25,11,0,1,5,1,4,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,9,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,6,5,20,5,12,17,4,17,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,2,9,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899343547977806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034755272935775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370972281305786,0.10492035411681072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548379655322566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906141260109213,0.1110006214428007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061992607778976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244374453441778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481082106382306,0.1229597493705045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899235387766167,0.0,0.09781752467935097,0.0,0.13765693820451952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220166556018766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536576857726925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837714600169608,0.0,0.0,0.18224605848633466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817442834312493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463269213256627,0.0,0.0,0.11488880815655665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623076559105748,0.1830473849788319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932360623632865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102619568584708,0.17696397803911365,0.0,0.18478823838168165,0.1949739466804709,0.2939723537304805,0.16372178952613636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250335366717128,0.0,0.0,0.12182463484474645,0.0,0.0,0.1438967350152963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434626396478008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191227278300016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theworstshitkid,2019/01/01,"Finally got over my fp and then I got a new one I hate it so much. I analyze everything he does and overthink everything I do. When we talk I'm happy and when we don't I'm sad. When I'm waiting for him to answer I can't do anything and constantly check if he is ignoring me. Even after we hang out I'm sad beacuse I'm scared I was annoying him and that he don't like me. Why can't I have a normal crush, not this obsession.",-0.4393749999999983,1.3291754791666683,2.904,91.341,85.875,7.173333333333334,22.1,8.238735603445708,1.2388700000000004,330,12,80,8,10,120,58,96,0.149,0.72,0.13,-0.4257,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,3,0,0,0,5,9,2,2,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,15,18,11,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,7,0,1,3,0,15,2,5,15,1,11,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,1,9,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953890197578303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658320710008525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778122964955464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568237752660388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267830725124056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600987636157942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797973964634088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527542902035336,0.0,0.2344182007561596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599889346213844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174542263955618,0.0,0.0,0.2293164907162305,0.0,0.0,0.2326361801128603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608923030475721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377141545884688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084149893846725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142484260783809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RoseGoldTampon,2019/01/01,"A basic list of all that is making me the way I am right now Home - I live at home. I can’t exactly escape my very conservative parents. They insist on me going to church with them at the ass crack of dawn when I just want to sleep in. 

Friends - one of my best friends is getting depressed and distant and I don’t know what to do or how to help her. Another wants space and doesn’t want to be as close because of my life choices that he feels is dragging me (and in turn him) down. (Sex with lots of people, trying desperately to get a date with anybody at all, cutting class and smoking). I don’t have any other friends. 

Work - at work I’m often on autopilot. Sometimes I’ll burst into tears and go ask my coworker for a cigarette. I bought a juul so it should arrive soon and I’ll never let it off my body. I’m one of the newest employees so obviously nobody is very close to me, but it’s been a few months and I don’t feel like I have anybody who even likes me much. To make things worse, the friend who doesn’t want to be friends anymore works the same shift as I. 

School - Cutting class. Terrible grades. I’ll do my best to graduate but damn it’ll be hard. 

I’ve decided that in the new year I’m not going to overshare. I’ll overshare with my therapist, sure, but nobody else. Not my parents or what remaining friends I have. I’ve tried recovering by asking for help, but I’m going to try to do this myself. **If that doesn’t work I already have a list of ways to kill myself.**",1.496968204209583,3.405550649350652,3.1488222122704883,91.40370129870131,79.84415584415585,6.1963278101209145,22.95835199283475,7.237678284180719,0.7466559337214509,1152,38,254,15,29,381,162,308,0.095,0.757,0.14800000000000002,0.9423,3,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,2,6,9,17,4,0,12,0,26,5,3,3,6,47,49,21,1,6,10,2,3,2,6,2,1,0,2,0,15,15,0,1,4,0,1,4,10,6,0,2,2,3,31,11,42,41,8,31,1,1,0,2,19,16,2,5,11,162,46,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991299385486554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773259684707875,0.10444110598521332,0.0,0.0,0.09877815960761437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862283582420058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071629458277492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905175669636955,0.0,0.0,0.11063507652607607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857868303810008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320447089096546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578600811443923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007232621435034,0.07115550102215627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617123309500418,0.0,0.10407559364902773,0.0,0.22642385050195865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922359283787942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352188998346926,0.0,0.1998173270645538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019456508754616,0.0,0.054738510004747006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184952460435012,0.07035165262204614,0.09732075552473676,0.0,0.08795015881649243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846778352530929,0.0,0.0,0.13296986612399828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950115644978313,0.0,0.07321873723176127,0.0,0.07681900005125898,0.0961959785334896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349854298033919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211918843817821,0.0,0.0,0.0690513036093839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505933943198417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008022756216012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967366847462933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850866499076226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387345865875348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564529379824087,0.06617096850050515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286912477280547,0.1083380888138996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436372880592615,0.2349907409853679,0.1581184459648899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900450039956538,0.0,0.1015026795141418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414025324426108
bpd,imbeingcyberstalked,2019/01/01,"i wish i could work up the courage to finally end it all. i’ve on and off thought about suicide since i was very young and first started to exhibit symptoms. it’s always been an option that i’m happy is there, that i’m relieved in some way that death is just a kiss away.

but i can’t convince myself to do it. no matter how much my heart hurts or how much i feel like ending it and how much i KNOW i will NEVER recover, that this sickness will always be a part of me....even with knowing all that, knowing it ultimately makes me the unlovable villain in the story who gets what she deserves...i still can’t push myself. i can’t do it on my own.

i wish something would finally push me over the edge so i can just get it over with. my fp and pets have kept me alive for so long because i know if i left, they would be sad, but my fp is so close to leaving me (as they always do when i get too much, when that... thing finally wins the fight in my head) and my pets can always find different homes and would be perfectly fine living with my parents...

and so, i just come to the conclusion i have every time i think about this... everything in my life is a negative, i have no way out; no future. i’m fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, and useless. there’s nothing for me to contribute to this world. i already know that. i know i have no place here. but i just can’t do it yet.

honestly it just feels like i just need one more good shove and i can do it. i just need one more thing to push me off. 

(it’s funny, i’m actually kind of excited to see what makes me finally lose it and finally flips the switch in my head. it would be my biggest eureka moment of all time.)

anyways, thank you for reading. i feel safe here when nobody else wants me and you all make me feel like i’m not alone. maybe we could all get together and sew patchouli sachets or pillow cases sometime lmao",2.4524850042844903,3.638084141388177,3.8150719794344496,90.8054528706084,75.19537275064269,7.140394173093402,24.277720651242504,7.675431598112923,0.9647747386461007,1437,44,326,19,30,473,185,389,0.142,0.693,0.165,0.7278,2,1,1,0,1,1,54.0,1,2,2,6,30,25,3,0,11,0,34,8,4,6,7,76,68,29,2,12,14,1,4,3,0,6,4,0,4,0,28,19,1,2,14,1,0,4,11,8,0,3,4,5,52,17,35,52,14,46,0,4,1,1,9,19,0,5,24,227,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.07911013213339169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839614242865989,0.08945994135136802,0.0,0.2698184334416883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616553309002244,0.0,0.0,0.049417961989277406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698324256061446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945151651916373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846982256270598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772144789274044,0.0,0.14360338823328342,0.0,0.0,0.053544282811816335,0.0,0.06830281876481822,0.0,0.07285819224519355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639605438456975,0.1737437965708052,0.0,0.4440271168839726,0.07409417600657826,0.06895592724520813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694175761647434,0.0,0.0,0.06799552658946922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629780257234172,0.0,0.0,0.16639717291580766,0.0,0.0,0.09606531256807467,0.0,0.0,0.08131725710149418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678437647569259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441926890137914,0.2673152858242792,0.0,0.0,0.08583871896721232,0.08808001611795885,0.0,0.057260333804122474,0.11881637615580752,0.0,0.07158403909874593,0.07174213772044698,0.0,0.09069373462875224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623394469719318,0.0,0.08144314463864111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837559905696745,0.12022096642933193,0.06252421118044316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778639981262647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986679745477683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900158039108715,0.08778814289571896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846982256270598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108938293317414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460025777273845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705982817500089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240967970510215,0.08017777592621768,0.0,0.0573799547741965,0.0,0.06474056624119358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867462697605923,0.0,0.0,0.08426011545386017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463601153798405,0.0,0.0,0.10771521643810386,0.0519447453519949,0.0,0.06435849595395113,0.09454215813308353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688913213794424,0.04781567940553128,0.12869512881494793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644712174109512,0.0,0.0,0.05901806541856805,0.0,0.0,0.2303519477621795,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lifewithbpdsucks,2019/01/01,"Self harm and boyfriend TW.......
So i was watching movie today and there was self harm scene. I was kinda triggered and my boyfriend said that when i feel urgeus to cut i should tell him. And u did he got upset and sad, which I totally get. He didnt wanted to talk about it. In that moment i really needed him to calm me down, but expect of that i had to calm him down. He went for a walk and when he got home he acted like everything is okay. Idk.. is this normal? ",0.5605154639175254,2.546769226804124,2.061041237113404,97.56269587628869,83.5360824742268,5.1171134020618565,15.885567010309277,6.2581,-0.6504795876288658,353,6,83,3,10,114,64,97,0.10099999999999999,0.795,0.10400000000000001,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,1,1,9,0,0,1,1,16,17,10,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,10,3,12,4,10,6,1,10,0,1,1,0,13,3,0,1,5,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22585985583897536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706911760740347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129830754098176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40198869513856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520828941837491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277662841971175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863420523471916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24622895089960825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609946463254463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390519119333453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5243391024355655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199223546797665,0.21965468691072465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382110527068695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822825168419426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296547714339105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tofutears,2019/01/01,"I start DBT next Wednesday! I'm so excited. This is a huge step in my treatment. I found out that my personal counselor runs the DBT group. It's pretty intensive, 1.5 hours every week for several months. I really hope that this helps me. 

Has anyone else done DBT? How did it work for you?",0.7246052631578941,3.256533456140353,2.3010307017543887,91.25575657894736,91.63157894736842,6.358771929824562,19.40570175438597,7.645422480735847,0.9675280701754384,225,7,46,5,8,73,47,57,0.0,0.753,0.247,0.9332,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,8,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,4,5,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,6,25,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344679037881007,0.2688167408198904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684832885803134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191664160619278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210479022734733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876619687021842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585301474869108,0.0,0.0,0.2605806583463843,0.25836974912089666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941162590542384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790206738737422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290808568235023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669123714317936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807323146870307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963898250407342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569831911411688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104477356242682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099972435885465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deoxyribose64,2019/01/01,"anyone else constantly crave intimacy, only to be repulsed by it when it actually happens? i spend like 100% of my time wishing i was kissing someone but then when it happens in real life i'm disgusted and want to die :/ it's such a pain in the ass.",5.272333333333336,5.355378100000003,7.194000000000003,73.17033333333336,68.0,9.866666666666667,36.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.633866666666668,195,10,37,4,3,69,41,50,0.36200000000000004,0.535,0.10400000000000001,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,7,5,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,6,5,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,6,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2516820143082898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033599393702213,0.26425828460973394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787080429427844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676688597168688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544990455558305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45613621573828794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216877867789172,0.12600132699935535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615144292334705,0.2744333971505021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935569452729929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852548838635066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038883234239886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212143101988235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965826620201976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JessTalks,2019/01/01,"New Years Eve V New Years Day New Years Eve: Emotional breakdown, headache from crying so hard, suicidal ideation and self-poisoning as a form of self harm

​

New Years Day: I feel great. This is gonna be a great year. I'm going to take up running, it'll be great.",2.6355555555555554,4.761264777777782,2.8257037037037063,94.03966666666668,77.14814814814815,6.542222222222222,25.61481481481481,7.554174236665415,1.141685925925926,214,8,46,3,5,65,40,54,0.203,0.583,0.213,0.1669,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,9,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,5,5,1,16,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,13,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026858224504758,0.16852131569095616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523424505539123,0.17888480204347865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560055326311746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012490959545911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881968727384847,0.0,0.0,0.4587126155124072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242373657958795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357836237271058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893640315443248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517023560487632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427624943113006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852131569095616,0.4465531958025218
bpd,royal_kaiju,2019/01/01,"I need help My so and I haven't been connecting over the last year, and we are due to be married. We recently went to a bar with some coworkers and one coworker was flirting hardcore. Co worker asked to kiss and I considered it, before turning him down. 
Does this mean bad things for my current relationship???
And yes. Alcohol was involved ",1.5667187499999995,4.2899322343750015,2.9466250000000014,85.335875,93.84375,6.935,26.7125,7.908726449838941,2.44242375,269,13,49,7,10,87,53,64,0.051,0.794,0.155,0.7219,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,3,0,0,0,11,11,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,8,2,7,6,1,8,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,5,34,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018083945745623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26401346998316155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579898407380145,0.0,0.0,0.24030850984928956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471372489989023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929220998359364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302003103768909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076252335471407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094020426608512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913670509474719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27884394861197,0.3032006326800099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761940631256985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071789391165875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617951566423281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818615702191857
bpd,MindTheEdge,2019/01/01,"How about sharing some constuctive tools to help manage our BPD to begin the New Year? Understand completely how difficult this time of year is with BPD. I hope that everybody who has reached out for help here is doing okay. I was hoping we could do something proactive, and share some things that help get us through. 

In terms of mindfulness and meditation, I am a big fan of Buddify. Really helps centre me when I feel emotions getting away from me. Grab the app.

Also for anybody who struggles with staying on top of life admin, I 100% recommend getting into Bullet Journalling. Bujo's keep my life on track. There is an awesome subreddit here that will encourage you and give you ideas too.",4.444737532808404,7.0989593464566925,4.611515748031497,80.8503969816273,73.64566929133858,8.012860892388451,29.480971128608928,8.841846274778883,2.75358845144357,555,24,94,12,12,173,97,127,0.035,0.684,0.28,0.9855,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,3,2,0,1,9,8,0,1,4,1,10,2,0,2,0,20,20,7,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,13,6,19,17,3,16,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,4,7,66,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266790064384248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882974907777885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990192474207527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660880181163939,0.0,0.0,0.12647608399532706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818794059351545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009596207502932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24828529054108944,0.1519596110958764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424710797037742,0.0,0.0,0.3146702354152736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788236131730828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408005156196738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237768388518974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994715789011665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529916582211427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148037012585977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195039663881335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884209914492465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560267890603694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523939099457114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236911435772346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649085567804584,0.19054559961608847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401941644883348
bpd,Lady_Stark_,2019/01/01,Random thought You know how everyone loves to tell us we could have it worse? Well next time the complain about our crazy behavior we should let them know it could be worse. ,3.9090909090909065,6.276088393939396,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,74.15151515151516,6.824242424242425,23.12121212121212,7.793537801064563,0.8354121212121215,139,4,29,2,3,39,28,33,0.253,0.615,0.132,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,4,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,10,10,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,1,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016510964205231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403468687631944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764676704924061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572055834702275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270148658489785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675040899733165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984755170721607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996860381319175,0.14666866211062904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025585809833251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261549009537433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126593572163082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdslut99,2019/01/01,"Uncontrollable anger. Lately, I usually go through episodes of this, when I can't control my anger. I mean it has got to the point I'm starting to pose a threat at work which really scares me. It literally feels like I am about to explode. 1 tiny trigger can set me off and that's that. The fact I'm feeling it at work isn't good as this time a year a go I was suspended for violence. Luckily I didn't get the sack. I am not really sure what to do. I try and tell my parents that I'm struggling but I don't think they understand. I mean I full on screamed at my boss and couldn't control myself. If this carries on I'm going to end up losing my job, home and everything. I'll end up in prison or in a padded cell.
I know when I am up to this point it is a warning sign that things are about to get incredibly bad. It is scary and annoying that I have this deep anger inside of me. The medication I have been put on obviously isn't the right stuff I need. May be stabilising seretonin levels and neuro balancers but obviously they aren't helping. It has got to the point where I am having extremely violent thoughts and images and especially on inflicting it on myself. I don't know what to do. Still waiting to see if I get a referral to a psych but I am not sure I can cope any longer. 

Can anyone suggest anything I could do? Anything to help or any services or places in the uk i could go to reach out for help? 
Thank you 
J. ",1.7183413848631233,3.512964755852842,3.6466146413972527,88.6423064536108,78.69899665551841,7.238994178124614,24.786448656013874,8.167268648758528,1.3909330112721423,1118,41,249,21,27,378,151,299,0.207,0.738,0.054000000000000006,-0.9931,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,2,5,6,17,6,3,14,0,33,1,0,4,5,44,60,19,0,6,10,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,22,9,0,3,9,0,0,5,10,12,0,0,6,4,35,5,37,49,1,41,0,1,1,0,10,25,0,6,11,164,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477793708560753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957270224124142,0.0,0.18729798759538566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501955563891767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25527627011813464,0.18172258358025736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158882199551367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227751119334028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508298409332805,0.08129986279255717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836986660564474,0.0,0.2587042142116292,0.09545135581250012,0.18203501952087686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288363762362981,0.0,0.11415225134080195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293049619598128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508473101662915,0.0,0.12837312535359466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055597697699896906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273148450820913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479265388676901,0.0,0.11464310705117893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843824205675467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636317356170804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889841694774067,0.0,0.32273779653519913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440200786771637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580839680831167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718591712104713,0.0,0.0,0.11393522223649495,0.0,0.09068511561758932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054933543974115,0.0,0.09088207906824212,0.0,0.0,0.1189701076597561,0.13027556837266493,0.0,0.0,0.2145132617769929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946758628588706,0.10477319393010368,0.0,0.0,0.07560470494426809,0.07291944955612527,0.0,0.09034573309429078,0.0663586093665184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726379442183308,0.0,0.0,0.1184714455333061,0.0,0.0,0.12533634919444964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656977934929505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328447854811093
bpd,-Black-Snow-,2019/01/01,"Do people with BPD have a tendency be pathological liars or hurt animals or set fires as kids? I ask this question to get a better understanding of this disorder. I’m not asking for a diagnosis or anything, I just want to gain more knowledge into this disorder. ",6.922380952380955,7.587091306122449,8.359591836734698,64.21993197278914,64.51020408163265,12.247619047619047,36.74149659863946,11.855464076750405,4.931443537414966,210,10,35,7,3,73,39,49,0.23,0.635,0.134,-0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,9,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,7,8,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,4,0,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331745547748814,0.0,0.4619539624463946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851322659248096,0.0,0.0,0.3111758585788846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566326963955697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290838122990139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644934112994716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128714238564807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767748046927164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25720845335088965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457282136850189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,queerio92,2019/01/01,"BPD vs real toxicity in the workplace Backstory:

I go back and forth a lot wondering if I have BPD. I’m very sensitive, irritable, and anxious, but I am able to maintain stable, healthy relationships and friendships. 

Much of my issues right now seem to be coming from work. I feel like I’m moody and suicidal all the time. It’s a nightmare. I’ve never felt this way about a job before (granted, this is the longest I’ve been at a company). 

Question:

As BPD sufferers, how does BPD affect you at work? How does it affect your relationships with your bosses/coworkers? How might one differentiate BPD from actual workplace toxicity?",4.185054858934169,6.788379370689657,5.917554858934171,71.41929467084641,74.25862068965517,9.045768025078367,30.373040752351088,9.573946990214177,3.42725172413793,501,23,84,14,11,171,81,116,0.147,0.748,0.105,-0.7453,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,2,6,3,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,5,2,24,14,10,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,2,8,1,11,10,3,11,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,6,5,52,12,3,0.1189849056781448,0.0,0.11611210416287923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441907570940645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914920479665808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124739107970382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7492866171876968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249496059815953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824898556814864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060162343407268386,0.08500284039077495,0.11424416877592933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762186390511707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418932827898928,0.11807415921342515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058130014754607225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115671186706614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262241818957834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746759625215117,0.0,0.0917684944457471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062725144107324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329032533442384,0.0,0.0,0.13543087177267432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554905196808814,0.0,0.10161245932665623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083193893688523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015017478023794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938105535219105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817500829185627,0.0,0.09444467983582762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903405465168674,0.17324485687415314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AbbyLynn2018,2019/01/01,Relationship issues I just want a hug from my boyfriend but he is mad at me so I am afraid to ask.  Having no hug is oddly better than the possibility of getting him more upset.  At least now I can tell myself that maybe he isn't that upset anymore...but he probably is.  I hate life and I hate myself.,-0.2850716845878125,2.001127661290326,2.5127956989247338,89.31697132616492,94.96774193548387,4.691039426523298,16.566308243727597,6.42735559955562,-0.11608100358422925,233,6,49,3,9,81,46,62,0.311,0.5489999999999999,0.14,-0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,3,3,2,0,7,3,0,0,0,4,12,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,10,3,6,12,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,1,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580610884038073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441358475916391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442200383812565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450667113269287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28811510438302684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497593404178684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27732030434087607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111947711127761,0.0,0.0,0.2976189047053308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963647471438356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412720161453706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281614399643765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brainstheburger_,2019/01/01,"How do you try to make up for your emotional outbursts? After an outburst, how do you try to fix it with the person you unloaded on? I’m trying to figure out a genuine way to make things right after an outburst, but besides just being really kind to the person, I’m out of ideas. Thanks for any suggestions!",4.880573770491804,5.585668491803277,6.026352459016392,79.01854508196723,69.0,8.722950819672132,28.364754098360656,8.841846274778883,2.2323409836065577,242,8,45,4,4,81,42,61,0.0,0.835,0.165,0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,4,0,11,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,15,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693443553663126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801176485537407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28111694798806497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593194033253895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33244991791399986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348750086466039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953067620252634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266450238892592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229267159387834,0.0,0.0,0.16543998792755446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072113392602113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766307176957332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilmeowmeowww,2019/01/01,I don't want to wear a hijab. But my family gonna hates me and think that I'm a bad person. :) btw I can't move out from the house because I'm 20 a dropped out college and job less. Now I'm extremely numb and bored especially when this state I'm living are less interesting. No fun and no waterfall it just suck. Full of judgemental stinky religious people. ,0.6300300300300314,3.0077427837837902,2.9247747747747748,88.73809309309307,87.37837837837839,7.072672672672672,20.384384384384386,8.167268648758528,1.2120528528528522,282,9,61,7,9,96,57,74,0.272,0.625,0.10300000000000001,-0.8947,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,10,12,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,5,11,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,32,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27588963709139785,0.2014229646691498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114936615566349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32622458135285604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812641017531916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278941203477896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29176980996080465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511876548159172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22907389824835406,0.28851286316068697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172189597889648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948922115732225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lennon2323,2019/01/01,I feel like a bad person My BPD makes me feel numb in situations where I am supposed to feel something. For example around dogs. I don't derive much pleasure or happiness from being around a dog and so I question myself and feel like I don't fit in with the rest of humanity. This makes me very sad. Does anyone else experience this and how do you cope? Thanks and happy 2019,2.641542857142856,4.800324506666667,4.0072380952380975,85.41600000000003,77.26666666666667,6.9523809523809526,22.714285714285715,7.957251820313856,1.1468285714285709,298,9,60,5,7,98,55,75,0.168,0.654,0.17800000000000002,0.20199999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,3,0,16,12,7,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,10,6,9,11,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039058331944586,0.19106996404329876,0.0,0.3320120244029334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570233179905302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486400785455044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318919309460914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557794321467076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824124273133975,0.0,0.0,0.3771579198247785,0.2664415367263531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970211239877869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220862255826475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489526105461883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370836589227233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628264331409377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889936706581907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096104192181628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356078860447552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168498100479376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386485885148998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rhys345,2019/01/01,"I feel like I burned most my friendships last year and I don't know what to do 2018 was a very rough year for me. It started out okay until I got too close to someone I was obsessed with, shared my feelings, got rejected, and got worse from there. I continued to exhibit attention seeking, lying, manipulative and self-destructive behaviors throughout the year that seriously damaged my relationships with friends and family and I don't know how to fix it. The bipolar getting worse hasn't helped. I want to get better.

It's not getting better and my new therapist has undiagnosed me because I have ASD despite meeting criteria. I've tried DBT but I haven't been able to work through it. I don't know what to do.",4.526891711229943,6.492834536764708,5.283288770053474,79.20502673796794,71.27941176470588,8.768983957219252,32.95187165775401,9.339509955726095,3.18749411764706,571,28,105,13,11,185,84,136,0.111,0.789,0.1,-0.1083,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,3,10,0,1,3,1,12,1,0,2,0,22,25,9,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,3,17,6,14,19,1,10,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,9,65,24,1,0.16795425014855214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238335199556807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970837711980554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583323194945799,0.0,0.16984543067135374,0.11998654986497165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297610370362402,0.0,0.26324749093974903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029850702696207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257619355092624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769097904956243,0.13690513042622454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205396292571619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221126138264833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032000953608435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521291236583467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423070911187259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887888271092655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500782949516832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402991104433816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857984596457346,0.09906376828218784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227269443361093,0.0,0.3423194592687795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244710914978204
bpd,TODG1993,2019/01/01,"Vivid dreams are haunting me. Lost my best friends due to my paranoid and destructive behaviour last spring.
I have tried to apologize multiple times but they've blocked me out completely and I understand that.
About once a week, Ill have a very vivid dream just before I wake up. Im usually in a white room and my old friends and their son show up. I apologize for everything and they accept it. But then the room turns into us being in the middle of a foggy road at night. Then the son turns to me and says ""no level of apology is ever going to make us forgive you"". Then I'm in the middle of the road alone, and I wake up in sweat. 

I know this doesn't sound like much, but it always happens when I make a little bit of progress. I start feeling decent for a few days, I build some confidence and then... The same dream happens.
When I wake up, I can't shake it off. It sticks with me for days. I build myself up only for my subconcious to kick me in the gut. I don't know why I'm having these dreams, of why they leave a mark the way they do. All I know is that it hurts a great deal.. Why is this happening, and what is my subconcious trying to tell me? ",2.5170469059678493,3.8903599163179936,3.633781105483376,91.4146487557807,75.35983263598327,7.374675181678045,22.620788372605162,8.032893268588372,0.9003338912133887,896,24,202,14,19,290,127,239,0.105,0.711,0.184,0.9645,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,1,4,3,5,11,1,1,16,0,13,6,5,2,2,30,30,18,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,11,12,0,1,7,5,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,6,33,7,31,28,7,43,0,2,3,0,18,22,0,1,19,131,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058670194809932,0.0,0.0,0.10491335648285516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728959656574566,0.0,0.13231910471941755,0.0,0.1376528675683524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321983990615266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262961940485454,0.1299887627657762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405168371618407,0.0,0.0,0.11331764695562685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637526901560786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482691187636705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165737724236668,0.0,0.0,0.1390098678493963,0.0,0.0,0.33449135627938875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497728987896354,0.0,0.13619413213869572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788011787978786,0.10277662844788801,0.0,0.1335064918755451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159907692310777,0.1263709393733389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376373749496421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832629314608208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268745608547366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832283580376635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323056736972028,0.13427709608028732,0.0,0.09589381404908263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002683649732126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924406792238497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020441047852199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735215530855733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120775186237636,0.2742899489658657,0.0,0.13125960225887964,0.30333101090787423,0.0,0.138865523838134,0.10403386121999032,0.0,0.10008091556048222,0.10113829840658237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413180475630459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuckingupconstantly,2019/01/01,Raise your hand if you ruined your NYE with an emotional outburst *raises hand*,3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428574,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,86.14285714285714,5.6571428571428575,21.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.1946857142857144,64,2,10,1,2,19,12,14,0.16399999999999998,0.5820000000000001,0.254,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gay23,2019/01/01,"BPD relationship. How to deal with this split? I've known my boyfriend for about 4 months now, at first we were seeing each other once a week and then we didn't meet for an entire month because he felt empty and didn't want anything but we played games online together. This past month we agreed to start again and we've been seeing each other every couple of days or so. He texted me while he was slightly drunk and told me that he loved me and asked me to be official. He asked if I would still love him even with his problems I told him yes and I meant it. We spent Christmas together, me, him and my family as his had to work all Christmas. During this time there were highs and lows. Sometimes he was smiling and talking and sometimes he looked distant like something was on his mind and wouldn't look at me but he didn't want to tell me what it was when I asked. After that we met once more and he declared to me that he is Asexual. I took it badly. At first I thought it was a test, then I believed it was just one of his phases. We had been extremely flirty and detailed about sex all this time despite not having it. We talked on the phone a couple of nights ago and I could tell he had only negative thoughts about me, his voice was in an accusing tone and he kept finding the tiniest thing I said an attack on him even though it wasn't. At this point though I noticed his black thinking and I tried to reassure him that I love him but he wouldn't believe it. It ended with me saying once again that I love him and I doesn't matter if he has problems, I also told him that I can overlook the fact he is asexual. Bad word apparently. He took the word ""overlook"" not meaning i'd accept it but just put it to one side. I tried to reassure him that's not what I meant but again he didn't seem convinced. He then told me that his mother had said she didn't think our relationship would last as we looked like we were only friends and that he hadn't felt a connection to me at all at Christmas. He told me he had forgotten the time he told me he loved me. The last thing I sent to him was that I love him and I want him to make a decision to which he replied that it's perhaps best if he made a decision when he came out of his mental episode. I agreed but I haven't heard from him now for days. I'm worried he won't actually stop thinking about me in this way unless we communicate? I think he may actually be asexual for real and while it hurt me at first, if he loves me then it doesn't matter to me, I want him to be himself and feel that he doesn't need to hide things like that from me as I will accept him. Should I try to talk to him again or wait? ",3.5281805319750994,4.1757773566308245,4.28415393322015,90.50149405772495,72.02867383512546,7.450745142425957,25.0784757592907,7.475848149327749,0.9076372759856628,2087,58,475,22,38,669,219,558,0.09699999999999999,0.758,0.145,0.9911,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,12,0,0,5,23,25,1,0,15,1,46,9,0,3,4,106,100,50,0,17,18,1,3,3,1,8,0,5,0,0,41,39,1,3,19,3,1,5,18,7,0,5,48,14,87,18,53,40,7,60,0,2,6,8,105,18,0,8,39,316,128,2,0.0,0.0,0.1260167613100639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057235024584113975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163445451346025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053133394673619744,0.0,0.18108515683070192,0.07345463641286662,0.0,0.0,0.10782201381428974,0.0393596329098028,0.0,0.0,0.14549049584411913,0.06775940840313431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132026671268777,0.0,0.0,0.07384780176095916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155174317910048,0.14288500094432255,0.0,0.08328114691424993,0.06656606151274705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718747210470077,0.0,0.0,0.08529219866853396,0.0,0.054400743476053344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608683135646315,0.0,0.032647171988084665,0.0,0.1239894862942767,0.0,0.059013351643396675,0.16476276281377336,0.0,0.0,0.04988454357269748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821890805121256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912064081336534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526195073742316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463297879787798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266083622938912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079216273261268,0.061095149934457776,0.043099180826747685,0.0,0.0,0.07033272919183273,0.0,0.0,0.06506866212944462,0.0,0.0651945770718437,0.0,0.1546110326035605,0.0,0.0,0.04787584226709851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059204656535028,0.0,0.0,0.07351031043263521,0.0,0.20628623383867034,0.08750496059983112,0.098212697603485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163680337898232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103697798912031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235643914099608,0.0,0.06490798020341018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349173441147194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386422546888218,0.0,0.0,0.12283659523128194,0.051346516487859935,0.0,0.0,0.1029035730921205,0.058779654084119275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970706974407764,0.12771744122774964,0.0,0.04570107437420213,0.0,0.05156353720493462,0.05398116232828999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569027413777786,0.11286934979306887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286869553237635,0.16548850064608658,0.1268741085812336,0.10251846387045167,0.11294915316700332,0.0,0.0,0.3701809903013543,0.14347331439331049,0.13151089562794055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233388937754108,0.0512505253508351,0.05179200147598948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470057707038908,0.06557123751997196,0.0,0.09173352905513077,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sosaythedice,2019/01/01,"DAE see their illness as separate from themselves? (Disclaimer: I encourage you guys to read the whole post before commenting, and remember the downvote is not a ""I disagree"" button. It's meant to filter out offensive and/or offtopic content. Please give this post a chance, thanks!)

To be more specific, do you see your illness as separate from yourself and feel it is responsible for all your problems?

That was me until not long ago. I made this post to tell you that this is wrong! Save yourself some pain and effort, and don't make the same mistakes I did!

I told someone this yesterday and got no response. Many people don't like hearing this when they are in the muck of it (hence the disclaimer), but I swear to you this is not only true, but it is KEY to getting better.  You are your own worst enemy not your illness. Your illness is part of you whether you like it or not. This important not only because you need to accept this in order to love yourself, but because you can only get so far, until you have to take responsibility for your emotions/actions.

I'm not someone who, even when symptomatic, lashes out at people (generally speaking). Yet even still, taking responsibility was key because blaming my illness made me feel powerless. When your illness is in control, and not you, wtf are you supposed to do, right? Well guess what? Your not powerless! Those skills you learn in DBT and therapy? They work! You just have to use them! It becomes much easier after you accept the above mentioned points, trust me.

You may be reading this and thinking, he really doesn't get it and I'm hopeless, but believe me, I've been through it, I've felt that way too. I'm still working at it in fact, but things are so much better and have been for a while now. In fact this whole year (or last year now I guess) has been a huge improvement.

I'm not saying it's easy, and I have nothing but compassion for those of you who are still struggling, and I didn't expect you to read this and instantly get your shit together. I just hope it gets some of you thinking in the right direction, that's all. Also, I know some of you aren't ready yet. It's too soon for you. Maybe you've just started your journey, or maybe your just in a bad place right now, I get it. But don't give up hope! Your time will come!

Thanks for reading. Love you guys :)",3.6491383325570586,5.595412362831862,4.086115510013972,86.95299254774103,73.60176991150442,6.9702841173730805,27.16022356776898,7.7627490962704995,1.5523176991150445,1836,69,361,25,38,576,203,452,0.171,0.69,0.139,-0.9363,2,0,0,0,0,1,74.0,0,34,4,7,24,27,2,1,12,0,36,10,1,5,5,77,77,35,0,6,25,0,3,2,0,2,7,3,0,2,34,16,0,1,11,4,0,2,17,10,1,0,13,8,55,17,44,60,14,51,0,1,2,2,55,20,1,11,26,255,89,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285971955664203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573023952810697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862827216048749,0.15031347517529872,0.09077643890555437,0.069940750089307,0.09260410738341444,0.0,0.1453872242461713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080255943549213,0.0,0.0,0.09218717780767036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857627336607498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311916742076578,0.0,0.07891880247292253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25765676693247624,0.1576952948519532,0.0,0.0,0.06573777775751706,0.0,0.18109116430200492,0.16276929005833612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263822751750056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632736988371104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045171485520053616,0.0669988024504353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031134019915935,0.0,0.0,0.07273880186590938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836597287878134,0.15554725529832664,0.054864905728186315,0.08333146957520582,0.1651491563937135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084359360071335,0.060945556789137975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886703273159443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875359447196954,0.08745984842158742,0.0,0.0,0.08900772314800848,0.0,0.11396546821832065,0.0,0.08587487978525775,0.09022395545629892,0.07769957523712806,0.0,0.2361564151250957,0.0,0.0,0.07864823131233273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288636076939168,0.0,0.0526553627417024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310939312295388,0.21057880745186489,0.0,0.06536369676958853,0.0,0.0,0.1309954093904471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437060996491269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928484134197605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817709499623084,0.0,0.19691988711800631,0.0,0.0,0.08592665870237108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235988051104294,0.0,0.07184088093102753,0.15134575656158253,0.0939956124887416,0.0,0.05460581490452112,0.10533275590021916,0.0,0.0,0.047927783635431584,0.0,0.0,0.07853956365162107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709889313442645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524150083494235,0.0,0.0,0.07390197063928874,0.0,0.0,0.1835325702768468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967592556883047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986586330593876,0.0,0.10586004333784213
bpd,NotWorthACleverName,2019/01/01,"Mood Diary Therapist suggested I keep a mood diary to help 'work out triggers, patterns of behavior and generally put you in touch with your emotions'. Cliche, I know, but I thought that there was no harm in trying.

Started at 1pm today. Already have eleven entries... well frick :P Currently finding that absolutely hilarious, but who wants to bet that in ten minutes that'll put me in tears? Man, BPD is fun...

​

Anybody else have experiences with mood diaries, and if so did it help you? If it can help I want to stick with it, but if not it seems like a huge amount of mental exertion I'd rather avoid.

​",4.226153846153848,6.395895931623932,4.706333333333337,82.15950000000005,72.58974358974359,7.756923076923077,30.503418803418803,8.548686976883017,2.4651716239316244,492,22,91,9,10,156,84,117,0.114,0.7040000000000001,0.182,0.8475,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,0,1,4,8,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,25,14,9,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,4,0,1,2,2,2,1,2,3,1,8,3,14,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,5,4,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255873868674698,0.0,0.0,0.3388547497856683,0.380014553999644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694317477903425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062749040392535,0.17589576921245892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296035728257834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291980703979593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144355564507915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898928804015054,0.0,0.0,0.0859371391200886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639472928726178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758468849681892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143910910897157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235383325339884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067984700379556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155820647768986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414071279088865,0.0,0.0,0.14822095311629566,0.0,0.0,0.1061653072474893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844627484219152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405958617247114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383958869769915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380014553999644,0.0
bpd,genzypops,2019/01/01,"DAE Always have intense episodes on the first day of the new year? I see the 1st of January as just another day, but for as long as I can remember I have always been particularly emotional on the first day of a new year.

I tried to have fun last night but the countdown meant nothing to me, I downed my drink, I went home and just cried ever since. I don't understand why.",6.104342105263157,5.155610750000001,6.725263157894743,80.68684210526318,66.5,10.757894736842106,32.1578947368421,10.125756701596842,2.7823263157894718,291,10,64,6,4,96,50,76,0.046,0.847,0.107,0.5483,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,1,9,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,9,1,12,7,0,17,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,13,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027149893597319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907406855254535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981141123437146,0.3519362917039284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781952493538861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046158869183575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454127186487566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094524346029872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824630904883025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827485760650422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097803385537024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513652353100775,0.0,0.17070322207832422,0.0,0.17454040401357493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060601309605096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495278246833854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504716702526403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234998920080124,0.0,0.0,0.18936697115229906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686254875575982,0.16413875951250098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342785583928736
bpd,luckygirlluc00,2019/01/01,"Any ways to help dealing with BPD? I feel like I'm slowly losing a fight I keep contemplating suicide more and more and have been doing for the past three years.

Every new year I hope it'll improve along with my life but it does the opposite. I feel as if I'm hitting a breaking point.

I attempted suicide three times in the past year and in one I had a seizure and flatlined with one of them. I was hospitalized but they can't keep me forever when I know exactly what to say to get out of hospital.

Having said that I don't want to continue like this, more like I can't continue like this. I just want to feel as if I know who I am and be confident. If I continue like this I doubt I'm going to even be able to last until the end of this year.",3.0672727272727265,3.711730924528304,4.66739851343625,87.34476843910811,73.08805031446542,8.54911377930246,26.404230989136646,8.841846274778883,1.6745044025157236,583,19,134,11,11,197,89,159,0.11800000000000001,0.7290000000000001,0.153,0.6929,0,0,0,0,1,2,10.0,0,0,2,2,3,9,1,1,7,0,13,1,0,0,1,28,30,14,2,6,6,0,3,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,9,10,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,4,4,5,19,6,21,22,3,22,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,5,20,88,28,0,0.14581929257198398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991621193055566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365429434808372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503332877380652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760744558861514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915261175970644,0.0,0.0,0.09631226748929364,0.0,0.12285904312641527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119184711171408,0.1041733317494977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618456189950899,0.0,0.08287246437557451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773959807223326,0.0,0.0,0.14483145966289498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592217744595209,0.0,0.0,0.16027693938722007,0.1188621856878884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299647873240066,0.3561997036684957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631344892575487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083318142354773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762185295946005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784020291136707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784636444118362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870753951795942,0.11596135421108834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190052772897283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850284021464117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720159936131048,0.11574456711425983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756113741722185
bpd,almondroselatte,2019/01/01,"How would you guys describe your own personality? /what would others say? Loaded question (if you know, you know).

I find it really difficult to describe myself.

Sometimes it feels like I put on so many masks/facades (depending on where I am/who I’m talking to...and I’m surprisingly good at this to get my way in any scenario) I feel like I really have no personality. 

Yet others have described me as someone with a “vibrant” mind. “Vivacious. Entrepreneurial. Self-disciplined.”

Nonetheless, I just feel like... an ‘outer shell’ of sorts.

Anyone else?",2.9622238586156118,6.054802814432992,4.3863696612665715,75.95507731958764,87.86597938144331,7.3075110456553745,26.51620029455081,8.192908349453996,2.658508689248896,431,19,70,11,14,142,73,97,0.054000000000000006,0.775,0.172,0.8902,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,4,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,16,12,4,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,13,5,9,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,4,4,42,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212466844497544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246679791851962,0.1826842529104147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894255788984653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704538615897604,0.3821218577567198,0.0,0.0,0.16295836020279872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931517559453264,0.0,0.0,0.14954535040867392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654003847935087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959724906097861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26131772923516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076310144346253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002707993846692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113605578078094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923567673192808,0.19973115605564007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284406293406511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178730568549044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600052436861772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106873809727847,0.0,0.1763382710198959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433067323833622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152223756365093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25331124320427584,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,katears77,2019/01/01,"has medication helped anyone? I don’t have a therapist but I have the chance to see a really great neuropsychiatrist and get prescribed meds that way. Has this approached helped anyone especially with feelings of emptiness, low self worth, and anxiety ? ",7.033571428571433,10.360625452380958,6.48595238095238,67.2632142857143,68.28571428571429,9.914285714285716,31.92857142857143,10.125756701596842,4.088457142857143,207,9,30,6,4,64,35,42,0.168,0.61,0.222,0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,8,0,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687220038280167,0.0,0.0,0.3964513139998943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433431282894843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811395952388795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31255323143003705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800402210580969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148980211780625,0.2855904672790797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816135712333304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22590808301211665,0.0,0.29574616021113864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291584849858946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250244104741895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maplesyrup12345,2019/01/01,"Long distance relationship - Need advice badly **Apologies for triggers in this, I am desperate for help** **there is some quite vivid detail in this so please be aware of this**

Hi guys, I could really use some advice here if anyone would be so kind enough to help me out. This is my first time posting on reddit, so I am sorry if I have broken any of the rules. 

I met my girlfriend in london who was on a visa from Australia for 2 years. We met, everything was great, but over the last few months of our relationship things were changing. She was diagnosed with depression, but after that she started getting extremely angry at me over what some would consider small things like taking a little longer to text back, see my other friends. She would yell and scream at me, threaten to take her own life in very vivid ways. She would also, when I would run to her, try and take a scissor to her arm. I called the ambulance, she was taken to hospital and put on new tablets and underwent some therapy. This helped a bit, but her anger would manifest and she would refer back to a time of year where I met up with my friends instead of being with her (NYE last year). I only went with my friends because we had planned it for so long and it was a ticketed event, I ran it by her and at the time she was ok. But this instance has appeared to be the catalyst for when her mental health declined. Whenever she got extremely upset or angry, she always reverted back to that time NYE I didn’t spend with her. She would take comfort in me apologising for it. To appease her, I would apologise for it over and over. This went on for about 7 months.

Fast forward to November 2018, her visa expired and she moved home to Australia. Before she left, we were so sad at the thought of us being apart. It was an emotional goodbye and as I dropped her off to the airport she told me she forgave me for the past (NYE) and we had a plan of action to continue with her treatment when she would return home.

She went to the doctor straight away, with the help of her mum for support. They put her on new tablets to mostly help with the suicidal thoughts. They stopped for a week or two, but ever since it’s gotten really bad. I have been in constant communication with her mum but she contstantly tells me she wants to kill herself, and that she hates me for NYE and that I’m the reason she wants to die, and that I’ve killed her. She texts me when she’s at the train station to say she’s going to jump off the platform, then doesn’t answer me - then she will text me the next day criticising that I didn’t message her enough in between when in fact I would be in constant communication with her family, begging them to call an ambulance - they would then tell me she’s safe. It’s all I can do when she doesn’t respond. 

Long distance relationships are hard as it is, but I am at a total loss of what to do. One minute she is loving, caring and thoughtful and the next she is sending me pictures of her clasping a razor blade. This morning, I got a ton of messages of her being angry at me for not messaging her during the night (I was asleep and the time difference means I’m mostly asleep when she’s awake, vice versa) - so I can’t always be there for her. I have begged her mum to take her to hospital, but her mum won’t do it. I can’t take the emotional abuse anymore (for example way she blames me every day for her pain, she goes as far to say that I will be at funeral feeling guilty about what I’ve done). I don’t know what to do anymore, her mum only answers me in one worded answers now if I ask her if she’s safe. 

Can anyone suggest what I can do being so far away from her? I tell her every single day that I love her and care about her but I can’t take the emotional abuse and stress anymore, but at the same time, I don’t want to see her in pain or hurt herself. Shall I call an ambulance myself to her house from the UK? Shall I back off? I have begged and pleaded with her but nothing will go in.

Thank you and again sorry I am just desperate for help. Appreciate anyone who has read this as I am honestly in pieces over this situation with the girl I love. 
",3.931348633525261,4.927171028708138,4.657872029843485,86.90535844619255,71.36842105263158,7.820906658016381,26.72930013786393,8.118234210410813,1.485347117022139,3244,105,685,45,59,1043,327,836,0.14400000000000002,0.735,0.12,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,2,0,89.0,6,1,4,5,31,33,4,2,37,1,77,12,3,3,4,104,125,61,5,21,20,5,2,1,4,18,6,4,2,2,38,38,0,3,11,2,3,15,11,15,0,4,31,10,139,18,121,65,17,120,0,4,4,3,126,49,0,14,55,503,177,2,0.0,0.12200081116479802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061960685720428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04117192809190614,0.08567802391938828,0.0,0.0,0.035011048639755744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531755954245639,0.10799693293588784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813081449714065,0.0,0.09674227639202722,0.15835281037412502,0.08597437972989938,0.03138431481761432,0.0,0.04380929620893256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056207455730486605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577134958339311,0.0,0.10498322775931604,0.0,0.05446349930663101,0.0,0.0,0.11127234656177763,0.0,0.04110597629396938,0.0,0.0,0.09960922675975377,0.0,0.0443433004333309,0.052255419820395256,0.053432512760899435,0.0537900728919121,0.0,0.05269630116879701,0.0,0.05268625242109801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737385210830586,0.0,0.10639396495835246,0.0,0.0,0.04657044256838075,0.0867553853196387,0.0,0.04627071514931276,0.0,0.04853475945030684,0.0,0.026031978649975224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043792468205663536,0.0,0.0,0.1193297882330057,0.0,0.026898390443262008,0.0,0.058519360043307975,0.0,0.08235329973495223,0.056761556306598175,0.0,0.050977491896912856,0.0,0.0,0.046119766465081084,0.050830028141228036,0.0,0.054725339561412935,0.0,0.0,0.2070528048070096,0.0,0.1032857808880068,0.0,0.0,0.059405900502614274,0.055114943695057136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391936697266032,0.05361291330566385,0.02829439185051132,0.08393305414788868,0.0,0.0,0.05593777735282491,0.0,0.036364841250640566,0.02515259907299192,0.05160073383084388,0.0,0.13668579673898898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939960991711015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608143043399006,0.0,0.0,0.051884004652971764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218845828883156,0.05471959931136156,0.0,0.03817491157278667,0.0,0.09944759953582552,0.10950814653791284,0.04831447156045205,0.0,0.04940051677521599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977410683329965,0.07831216891017423,0.10956572244355896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914753260098602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651423504436855,0.0,0.0,0.04930767031925547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351176239613506,0.0,0.0547598265133489,0.051498172322302825,0.0,0.0659642448899818,0.05293437336261396,0.0,0.16582441882076673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188466807786063,0.0,0.0,0.08205254711550299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258829531488991,0.05787044281540854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526478310741108,0.036440810028640885,0.0,0.0,0.0430431299147064,0.058975022922274425,0.0,0.0,0.05631540228136087,0.058423705385990475,0.0,0.0,0.2709681880782791,0.0,0.1349984849432957,0.04739977102551163,0.05887671528545546,0.0,0.06840768269793125,0.0,0.0,0.12261820703847852,0.18012524606108846,0.0,0.0,0.049195397586395434,0.0,0.03495441941571692,0.0,0.05029262148415736,0.0,0.06192920157955325,0.044465853123470206,0.0,0.042479889829324415,0.09110021590976908,0.08173158656559185,0.04129755181105788,0.0,0.0,0.14317921871265216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388751229150759,0.0,0.0,0.09946248766326138
bpd,kayleenuh,2019/01/01,"My current bf of five years banged a girl last summer while we were broken up and I can’t move on This was back in May? Yeah, it’s been that fucking long. We got back together in July-ish. I was the one who broke up with him and he begged for me back for a year but once he found out I had sex with somebody else he fucked this girl he’d been keeping on the back burner. (I’m such a hypocrite tho lmao.)

She was way skinnier than me, and quite under weight. I’m not super fat but I’m definitely slightly overweight.... I’m talking she was like 5’8” and 115lbs and I have at least 50-60 lbs on her and I’m the same height.

I can’t get over her being skinnier than me and making up that he enjoyed her body more in my head when he even tells me he thought it was gross her hip bones stuck out but I can’t even look at myself anymore or have sex without the lights off or be on top because I’m afraid he’s looking at my hips or stomach or thighs or whatever that is severely larger than her.

I have this thought in my head that if he found her attractive that there’s no way he can find me attractive, even though I don’t find her body or face attractive I know it’s conventionally more accepted to be skinny/underweight than it is to be overweight like me.

I’m literally obsessive over thinking about it the thoughts are insanely intrusive and I feel sick to my stomach.

Why am I so fucking crazy. ",1.4525865431496854,3.40613305802048,2.8282727937591434,93.42330631399318,80.19453924914677,6.096977084349098,23.092272062408586,7.1686216300943375,0.6692702096538268,1098,37,248,14,28,356,156,293,0.133,0.7609999999999999,0.105,-0.8685,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,3,14,15,3,2,8,1,27,21,12,1,0,41,52,23,0,1,12,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,0,2,14,14,4,1,11,0,0,1,7,7,0,2,16,5,36,8,34,30,4,37,1,1,2,5,28,22,3,8,14,158,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908614348311157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693334851070457,0.0,0.07319906948225667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667614916047437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031063140190448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379332242861512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607155716170262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950013798273926,0.0,0.0,0.26332094332078265,0.0,0.3330334182598366,0.06273634337596394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960381793329543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464714798347632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673176984643128,0.0,0.0,0.06599230115616116,0.09788044598286272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173291090089336,0.0,0.0,0.10626617352095732,0.20167230523520446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015369297765271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762501827140646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788026079573458,0.08136866654304961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771884201012626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565513834261547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965149854627196,0.10495437542384052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694180154745797,0.11797704911043627,0.2859880392151126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062630867289415,0.0,0.14622392369856874,0.0,0.0,0.10835265832319167,0.0,0.0,0.11575191147704865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465393223018484
bpd,billdud,2019/01/01,"Help with BPD friend I've known a friend online for over a year that has BPD. I consider him a good friend, but the past few months have been rough, with a lot of time spent receiving silent treatment from him. Sometimes it feels extremely toxic, like I'm worth nothing to him. It's been getting worse and it's honestly so painful.

So I've been trying to openly discuss it, proposing that he could tell me explicitly that he needs space or doesn't want to talk, or if there's something different that I could do to be a better friend, but it's always met with silence. And now I'm afraid I pushed too much and he has split me for good. :(

For now I'm just giving him plenty of space, but any advice would be much appreciated.",5.166248097412481,5.451724102739728,5.284611872146119,86.06807458143078,68.24657534246576,8.40669710806697,27.18112633181127,8.167268648758528,1.4539993911719942,573,16,122,7,9,180,89,146,0.087,0.674,0.239,0.9727,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,6,0,13,1,0,0,1,23,23,11,0,6,7,0,2,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,5,2,9,9,14,13,4,12,0,0,0,0,18,4,0,4,7,71,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354510945747962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074431486770524,0.0,0.0,0.10685343470366657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896825620377418,0.0,0.0,0.3957981593495709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509102083203851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641668634550643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944938637809898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855913863594497,0.0,0.08209366809993608,0.15073291515635395,0.0,0.2635855059896864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053205783994248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676552708625745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358586502289754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541925195563006,0.0,0.2310164949246694,0.11650951855321133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076997401254513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719684533511536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999786837754148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096595047380175,0.1554050736619551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262947241882492,0.137338091416114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162346347915933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668060277408303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267903847883098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012836422319046,0.11162027443583228,0.0,0.0,0.10118623352631546
bpd,intangible-puffin,2019/01/01,"New year, new patterns (x-post from selfharm) Here's to everyone who is trying something new in the new year, pushing through the discomfort and changing old patterns. Whether it be self harm, alcohol or drug addiction, an eating disorder, or something else entirely... Whatever it is, let's hope that this year is the year we turn it around. 

Doing new things is difficult. Finding the willingness to change our behavior is hard and scary. What we're used to is comfortable, whether or not it's healthy. And it will seem to get worse before it gets better, but the long term benefits outweigh the discomfort in the moment. 

I'm proud of every single one of you who is choosing to do something different and break the cycle of unhealthy behavior. It's going to be hard, and it's going to feel awful, but you can and you will conquer these unhealthy behaviors. Willingness is the first step towards change, and I truly wish the best to all of you taking that step. You got this! Don't give in, stay strong on the path towards a healthy life. :) ",5.52821060382916,7.0685524690721655,5.507069219440354,80.26072164948455,68.12371134020619,9.048011782032402,33.444771723122244,9.424239791934726,3.200264801178204,825,38,147,17,14,258,112,194,0.154,0.6759999999999999,0.17,0.8237,1,0,5,0,0,0,31.0,2,5,0,6,3,13,0,2,13,1,17,5,0,1,1,25,31,14,0,2,8,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,17,9,2,0,4,0,0,5,2,4,0,2,1,3,8,7,21,25,4,28,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,5,14,97,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205489362319348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817679633863885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984399824017715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409575855878084,0.0,0.1160472863066714,0.09779935969181576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35093813810080016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553296103087315,0.12673469545706448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823813359203562,0.1131513349319851,0.09237571793766856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316873925317992,0.1056642916931599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559127625829324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106846378193513,0.0940596145466726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554736879123538,0.10607877647364368,0.12569075630406348,0.0,0.08844123141607285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811660015669375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983126807446614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307593036997088,0.07810619248548853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978601563393302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339960992836826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603550695187866,0.0,0.07493212717831875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590543658427044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006682246386226,0.1153594527901228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25539053645824794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178639716525391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314268369279945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346469073609282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507681918051523,0.1202796992398824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955059437536262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716197943319402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126908541369505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28484055621995874
bpd,Dont-lose-hope,2019/01/01,"Sad new year's, ignored by my fp I did not end 2018 on a very positive note. This was my first new year's with my bf(and fp) and I wanted so badly to do something nice with him. But he rejected all my ideas and said he doesn't care for new years and doesn't wanna do anything. I ended on going to bed alone, sleeping through midnight and waking up alone. I feel so hurt. I thought he would care more about my feelings and at least try to do something with me. This is the first new years I ever had where I did nothing. And the first one with the love of my life. I don't know how to feel. I'm just splitting on him a lot, I feel disappointed and frustrated and neglected. I haven't self harmed in like 3 weeks but I feel the urge so strongly. I don't feel hopeful about this year at all. If this is how our relationship is going to be, I see no point in anything.",1.4961413043478269,3.068671766304352,2.8754347826086963,94.92989130434783,78.6195652173913,5.9043478260869575,22.369565217391305,6.6274283507984215,0.2806260869565218,671,20,158,6,16,218,101,184,0.16399999999999998,0.76,0.076,-0.9009,0,3,2,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,0,4,10,16,1,0,6,0,17,4,2,2,3,38,35,16,0,5,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,12,0,2,9,0,0,2,7,9,0,4,6,8,23,7,24,27,5,28,0,5,1,1,10,10,0,3,17,104,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363827229607713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781803362806904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528338411658456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327008871204683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214854753478945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032258536011088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34620756027266136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912049786852314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971126232677158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334447212987672,0.0,0.0,0.12216519309958405,0.1288248188629062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271601878390395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060459751170247,0.055752068616992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701865662497483,0.10299554060300907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408617476887231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949886303893183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732900247347536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787796690701568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251953697560768,0.0,0.0,0.1085519187867782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093690921775464,0.0,0.11904948846463966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141999602066874,0.0,0.0,0.17570652419430546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090596584375016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747832277995907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415892670709354,0.06730948524358704,0.0,0.09153821184054703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106583040068842,0.0,0.0,0.3674397902795113
bpd,bbperd,2019/01/01,"Less than an hour into 2019 I've been feeling pretty good lately. My medication has made mood swings way better, and negative external input doesn't seem as ""dramatic"" subjectively. I decided that I'm not going to actively pursue relationships, because no matter how I approach things it always seems to devolve into me getting dumped and feeling this horrible ""forever alone"" self-pity feeling. I prefer the way I feel when I'm independent and feel like it's ""me against the world, with some good friends included :)""

​

But I volunteered at this event tonight to help out a friend and so that I wasn't spending NYE alone. I spent most of the time just hanging out with my friend and walking around the venue. I saw friends and acquaintances from work and school and (I think) I behaved cordially and came off friendly. I drank only a little bit of champagne, never felt more than slightly tipsy. I kind of expected that I would be in store for a pretty low-key night, just enjoying the festivities and going home with low expectations met. 

​

I kind of started realizing there was a problem when I started noticing that there were a LOT of beautiful women there. It was kind of a fancy event, so a lot of tight dresses and hair done all fancy. My thoughts and desires ran away from me. I read about having casual sexual encounters being associated with BPD and honestly I can't help but envy those of you who experience that, because I have absolutely no ""game."" I am not seductive. I usually cannot string two words together in front of a woman I'm trying to impress, so the fucking entirety of my strategy for getting laid is to make a moron out of myself and hope some girl that I think is cute thinks it's cute anyway. Sometimes that works for a few weeks!

​

Louis C.K. had this skit saying something like ""tall, skinny white men just get women left and right"" and honestly if I weren't such a trash heap it might be true. I did a small experiment this year of trying to date briefly and I had some success but I ended up rejecting somebody I shouldn't have at the worst possible moment for them, and putting all my hopes and dreams in one person who ended things over text. 

​

So I started hearing about this cute ""single mingle"" game they were playing where they pair up a guy and a girl with playing cards and the goal was to mingle and find your match before midnight. I signed up for it thinking that I was keeping my wits about me and it was just for fun, but it just took a few minutes after midnight to realize that I had just fallen into a trap. I had already set expectations that would feel disastrous for not being met. I had already imagined finding my person and sharing my first ""New Years kiss"" (I am 25 and I've never been in a relationship that's been long enough to cross the New Years threshold). 

​

My friend's husband laughingly shared with the group of us that some woman tried to sneak a New Years Kiss from him and he had to turn away and reject her, and this dumb childish jealousy and all of my insecurity just bubbled up immediately. ""He's already married! He won! I'm the lonely single guy with a good job and my mental health is *improving*, I deserve random encounters like that!"" fucking stupid but it's all I feel in the moment and I have no choice but to react to it. Then this dark all-consuming feeling starts coming. It's a feeling I know way too well but I haven't been acquainted with for a while. It's an impulse that medication has helped to dull. I knew that I was too tired to fight it in my current state of mind, so I mustered up some energy to fake it for a few more minutes and then abruptly said goodbye to my friends and left. 

​

I feel split. I still feel empowered by understanding a little more of what's going on internally, but I either forgot about or simply blocked out the cold lonely black hole that lives inside of me. The part that doesn't want ""I will never find love"" to be my answer, and the part that I was able to keep away by accepting the possibility of that being my reality. I told a psychic at the event ""I think I might never be in a real relationship"" and I meant it. I might still mean it, but every time that belief brings me relief I fall right back into a trap again. If it means not having to deal with that black hole that does nothing but eat time and emotion away from me while I wallow in misery and think about things over and over then maybe it's worth it. 

​

Another part of me is glad to get a little bit of an ""episode"" in while I'm at least partially focused on improving, dissecting, and actually making steps towards overcoming this shit. I watched a video recently where a pwBPD showed a clip of her during what she called ""an episode"" and I was thinking ""what the hell is a BPD episode,"" and right now having been re-introduced to An Episode where over the course of half an hour I feel overwhelming emotion, feel compelled to take immediate and decisive action (luckily it turned out to be separating myself from the situation instead of impulsively drinking more and letting my emotional state deteriorate), and go through a roller coaster of ""this is good""-""this is confirmation of everything I am afraid of""-""I can improve""-""Who are you kidding"" I'm glad that I am at least at a state where I can be mindful of what my mind is actually doing.

​

It's easy to ""think healthy"" when you are in a ""safe"" situation. But it's a skill, I think, and you only get better when you practice. But since what really matters is to ""think healthy"" in an ""unsafe"" situation, I feel like the best way to practice is by being in mildly ""unsafe"", yet controlled, situations. From that perspective I think this is all good for me in the long run. Here's to cautious optimism for the new year. Love to all of you and good luck!",6.189961700497893,6.8503448945487095,6.419942423081832,77.50708713136733,66.09562109025916,9.361220477467127,32.428967190093196,9.349738472054137,2.8467747887144133,4663,184,862,83,70,1496,464,1119,0.1,0.72,0.18,0.998,4,6,2,0,1,0,166.0,1,7,3,11,43,75,9,3,65,0,76,16,3,8,11,198,160,78,0,14,27,1,17,4,7,7,4,3,1,12,67,67,4,7,47,11,4,20,20,21,1,4,42,26,105,53,142,100,35,148,2,7,5,6,62,62,5,20,62,608,172,7,0.035471504126885836,0.0,0.06923014240370974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347556125906234,0.11743106057653613,0.0,0.029515132996518968,0.3074668792131433,0.3448140805101585,0.0,0.037194964894459545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031577159068518657,0.0,0.0,0.13330658311088964,0.027275397148294897,0.0,0.04324619936230301,0.0,0.0301836374122521,0.0,0.0372251551632718,0.0627433256780461,0.07745139093507279,0.0,0.08935023541788842,0.0,0.03622037166546618,0.04056995100463543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030555559943688013,0.0,0.0,0.03978430808151927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656956320629983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03104135229968588,0.036299664164989774,0.0,0.03474856990168878,0.0,0.03629620419251748,0.0,0.11970200342644885,0.06283444831239975,0.03665154589381399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0298862721003296,0.0,0.03187950069345536,0.06939587496818213,0.0,0.0,0.2510964160040039,0.050681699271577785,0.034058206636477316,0.0,0.0972609364544812,0.030172043289702813,0.0,0.0,0.1918363726829309,0.06558566797020675,0.09266198436977696,0.0,0.08063709294577043,0.17851088836510465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024473181510295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377045501645668,0.039978963141395416,0.0,0.07132740452710484,0.0,0.03558081080893122,0.07046241452034473,0.06986457274919501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519999450305812,0.06305740537028352,0.0,0.1108143391380968,0.019494211008162263,0.0,0.040013401685095255,0.0,0.07707978604416359,0.036272016237673115,0.0,0.06931834072606158,0.10665529750090487,0.03132198801212164,0.06278232985831017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031320867137379,0.06402883474899744,0.033563994869948516,0.04735500889087985,0.0,0.03563589358966049,0.07727773364388593,0.0,0.07146761723267102,0.0357469331730919,0.11288898108993015,0.10744832213695972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094312429260791,0.13703439889071645,0.0,0.0332876037174938,0.0,0.034035864881503605,0.040384542552005895,0.0,0.0,0.024036409206120102,0.05395535459137965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152365468897229,0.0,0.0,0.061944698407802375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997758242326478,0.0,0.07217454386593472,0.0,0.033941438918158234,0.0,0.03565865894270045,0.0,0.0,0.035481103219666146,0.04037433739693717,0.022723953843456726,0.0,0.035023831011156525,0.11424936177730508,0.0,0.0908774121340642,0.033741523317380166,0.028208363803625926,0.0,0.035899055909633125,0.0,0.0645838502811831,0.03700451485193909,0.0,0.03641098924703713,0.029342394766169493,0.15948582734553102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027307696857773518,0.035082224585502066,0.0,0.10042765276735834,0.0,0.0566551780322817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02667015662026179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069707354756857,0.2500157832474193,0.0,0.028160412071287437,0.06205115793200111,0.040769275924802416,0.0,0.033894542291153636,0.03941014625086967,0.07224846867441778,0.07716562118245562,0.034650505320830235,0.03692708676586974,0.042667851973535516,0.0,0.03906685041940867,0.0,0.020922012169019115,0.1126225156532378,0.028453101002442187,0.0,0.03189314216646105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164735493589615,0.0,0.0,0.05039587760913492,0.0,0.3448140805101585,0.11421242839384525
bpd,TormentedTrashcan,2019/01/01,I think theres a fine line between splitting and.... Not wanting to talk to a mean asshole anymore.  Amirite?,1.6853333333333325,4.4564781999999985,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,92.0,2.666666666666667,36.66666666666666,3.1291,1.6781666666666673,84,6,15,0,3,25,18,20,0.0,0.893,0.107,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5245426455165122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5761446881141603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251227248263549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389080790934648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31196841851983803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderline_junkie,2019/01/01,Sad hours I keep craving this feeling of connection with another person. Probably  cuz of loneliness. Also lookin to chat cuz im high on molly and got nobody to talk to,1.1069791666666688,3.4572024062500013,3.452500000000004,79.80916666666668,103.0625,7.133333333333333,24.08333333333333,7.793537801064563,2.6192333333333337,135,6,22,4,6,46,27,32,0.171,0.782,0.047,-0.6457,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,7,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629647826977809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34480633682068695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626604402891054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26299494064141504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474263551460693,0.0,0.0,0.3238307587000931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551922203629955,0.0,0.0,0.29227871321883264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28712118164464434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35453375043422064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26430064635830863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smadical,2019/01/01,"New Year I'm not a fan of the ""New Year, New Me"" bullshit but I pray that 2019 brings us all some self love and self improvement so we can become the versions of ourselves that others don't believe we can be because of BPD. 

Love you all and hope 2019 is good to all of you. ",2.8690677966101714,3.3208789152542413,3.762500000000003,94.35866525423731,73.40677966101696,6.5779661016949165,24.91949152542373,5.985473137389443,0.4115389830508471,212,6,51,1,4,68,41,59,0.05,0.609,0.34,0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,3,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,3,11,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,5,9,5,6,1,0,0,2,9,0,0,2,5,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131499530210985,0.21979153724960185,0.0,0.22421676112018624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25064684411116545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692062271924055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976623983739532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592296156108058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5766169410072783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152228507121029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393852101709836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563125623680985
bpd,LapisFeelsAttacked,2019/01/01,"I had an actual good night. So I have bpd, major depressive disorder, and acute anxiety and was invited to a party of 8 only knew one person for the last 3 days. I thought I would either get wasted and cry on everyone or everyone was going to ignore me and I'd be on the verge of tears but something happened. Everyone here clicked with me somehow and were so inclusive and kind and fun. I talked and laughed with everyone and got 3 midnight kisses and a whole new set of friends after having none.  The guy I went with even said I was amazing and that he wanted to help me get back on my feet with a job offer! I'm proud of myself for going and socializing with the right people:')",4.608556366585564,5.2598866277372265,5.936447688564477,79.61364152473644,69.5839416058394,9.300567721005676,29.09083536090835,9.444778638647367,2.5163599351175985,536,19,105,11,9,181,90,137,0.079,0.6709999999999999,0.25,0.9869,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,8,0,9,2,1,0,0,26,21,16,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,17,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,10,2,12,8,18,9,4,15,0,1,1,1,9,5,0,2,6,72,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.14829680759965078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625350581695085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168524051132966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191395744840185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692741725002425,0.09800544064319207,0.0,0.1308880162986456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416609949178175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037205086216287,0.0,0.0,0.5808397605214335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740848572031855,0.0,0.15879183246805298,0.0,0.1727314583327115,0.12746179600955682,0.12154102122102675,0.0,0.0,0.1504701437435608,0.13438295304986694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185954670877306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080271774940202,0.0,0.0,0.1582491109591612,0.0,0.12387249992612627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676962361514234,0.0,0.14260971283751325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297603407025377,0.1155769230135225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535402825967337,0.13269077171662744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297780574999686,0.14455438101911305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549101085474405,0.0,0.11699078252047115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214444273878805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206439584223307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963343149386101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087392179768524,0.0,0.16966451239840602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795222292099396,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,merenofclanthot,2019/01/01,"Was just wanting to enjoy the last few weeks of my life I'm such a mess right now that I don't think that I can even fill this post coherently, but I'm going to try. 

I've been suicidal and depressed for as long as I can remember -- my life has been one instance of holding and pulling myself together after the next. I have grown immensely tired. I don't want to live any more.

I have known that I am going to kill myself for some time now. My s/o, FP, whatever you want to call them, goes to school across the country. I was planning on having a few amazing weeks with her while she was visiting on break before I finally did the deed -- and even now things have gone to shit. She went to a NYE party without even inviting me, just another reality check. Don't get me wrong, she invited me after she knew that I was upset about not spending NYE with her, but that's not the point. I don't want to go along because she realized after the fact, I wanted to be in her mind all along. Anyways, small potatoes in the grand scheme of things.

I am not okay. I have not been okay in a long time. I am finally at peace with letting everything go -- I have nothing left to hold on to. I have no money, I can't work. I am not originally from America, and I lost my Certificate of Citizenship when my car got stolen. My fee waiver got denied, and I don't even have the 600 bucks required to get a new one, meaning I can't prove my right to work. I'm in limbo.

I'm literally a sinking ship, and with everything else I have going on mentally, I don't want to go on. I seek solace, I want peace.

Anyways, sorry for burdening you guys. I hope you all find your way in this world. I am just looking for my way out.

​",2.9537092568448493,3.967596822033904,4.520000000000003,86.90691003911344,73.7175141242938,7.932029552368538,26.04476314645806,8.384062270229773,1.5280742285962634,1321,44,291,22,26,444,175,354,0.168,0.748,0.084,-0.978,1,0,0,0,0,1,51.0,0,4,1,5,15,14,2,1,14,2,35,4,1,1,4,49,64,12,2,8,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,13,0,3,8,0,5,13,15,8,0,2,14,1,54,6,50,48,6,56,0,2,1,0,16,19,1,2,20,199,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552674372454647,0.11834480253525527,0.06623150167988409,0.10212647393582026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937069526116701,0.0,0.0828754232788584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945052652516298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838856158626116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136048682779125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25731221360264545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750635337818049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133815121710841,0.08901667667453222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176906211293163,0.0,0.3321087408344306,0.0,0.15579032681545926,0.0,0.0,0.0964357244750672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673457093434247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775242442257968,0.0,0.0,0.07938939895792384,0.0,0.0,0.10581925245465748,0.09959232738644576,0.13758502746733625,0.0,0.0,0.08600100044225341,0.17238187996945414,0.08178672940397637,0.0,0.10631744431020038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609100550565598,0.0,0.0,0.098150603162179,0.0,0.09834053526066007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406407565065468,0.1035800022160857,0.0,0.0,0.0934525110473151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199387203428645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920691467869886,0.0,0.09327687048689676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032881912832353,0.16634849525106504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856828761846242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997390654531498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902500742781568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653361740687704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294089645284221,0.062406370529431564,0.0,0.0,0.1135828640823,0.11194048460405458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612437439599009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021200008035938,0.15461421246239926,0.15624775483264486,0.0,0.0,0.09028554349862583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388468338203758,0.0,0.14180850184107954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648543875051107,0.11834480253525527,0.0
bpd,squirrelfriend64,2019/01/01,"The fear of abandonment is so real tonight To keep this less obvious because my friends use Reddit, I clearly tipped the scale for a second tonight having an emotional episode over something small. 

Someone left the room and it made me realize how easily I can and do push people away. I’ll eventually be alone forever. ",9.188045977011498,8.824018724137932,8.632758620689652,67.60477011494254,60.03448275862068,12.560919540229886,43.4712643678161,11.855464076750405,5.455636781609195,258,14,42,7,3,82,52,58,0.131,0.7190000000000001,0.15,0.0516,0,1,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,5,0,0,3,2,11,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,5,6,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970796857162442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694955787738537,0.0,0.0,0.17485497347446835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32265634040459656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227746942609393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161183675616966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549565304228981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116524490685829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714148997702582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885870743537834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264866646637377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430385620102641,0.2208234101550667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477376235105907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jellyresult,2019/01/01,"Betrayal sucks, and I don’t understand people I’m not sure where exactly to post this, but I feel pretty safe in this sub. I honestly have no one to really vent to. Please go easy on me. 

We all know the holidays means having to spend time with family. Although I spent time with my SO’s awesome family, a really weird thing started happening the past two weeks. I thought a had a friend in someone, let’s call her S. She and I were close, and I was (as she told me) her only female friend. Likewise. So we went out together, we supported each other through tough times, like my suicidal thoughts and her cheating husband, and I really thought “wow maybe this really will be a friendship that lasts. 

Well, lol and behold, I was wrong. So very very wrong. I start noticing somethings off with her and the way she treats me an y service dog, ever since I decided against filing for disability. She exploded at me, finally, about 2 weeks ago. The gist of it was that she didn’t like my dog around (fine I guess not everyone likes certain breeds) and that I am a bitch for expecting people to put up with me because I decided not to file. So in her mind, because I decided not to file (with my awesome lawyer dad who adopted me guiding me through this) that I should magically stop being disabled, and magically stop needing help, and stop expecting people to be nice to me or put up with me or accommodate me or my dog. That really hurt, I thought she understood what my conditions are. We stopped talking after that.

Tonight for New Years we all meet up at my SO’s aunts house. S is the wife of his brother, so naturally she is there, along with her yappy little dog who is unbelievably badly behaved. It’s no secret, everyone in the family know about that poor little dog, and everyone in the family has tried convincing them to put in actual effort to train the dog. When I say badly behaved, I mean he will pee on the couch while you’re watching tv, and jump all over you, and bark nonstop. I know it’s not the dogs fault, it’s the owners fault. So here we are, my service dog and her uncontrollable dog. My dog, Dante, is well trained. He can patiently lay down while all the fireworks are going on, and he tries his hardest to focus while their dog is around, but really... who could resist a loud little dog trying to jump all over you while barking in your ear? So Dante can’t handle that, that’s too much, and I can’t expect him to be okay with that. But if I touch their dog, they yell at me. So I ask them to please leash their dog, since I leashed mine. Then hell broke loose. They yelled at me, insulted my worth basically, and let their dog keep roaming. 

So now I’m sitting outside by the lake while everyone else is inside having a good time. I’m alone out here with Dante, and it really hurts to start the new year this way. It really hurts that someone would deny reason and logic. “My dog is interfering with a service dog. I should control my dog”- that literally did not compute for S and her husband. It’s cold and it’s lonely and it’s dark and I feel ashamed for having my issues, needing a dog, and just being alive. I wish I could stop existing right now. 

Thanks for listening. I feel a little less alone now that I’m posting this. ",3.944197916666667,5.3341831906250015,4.857812500000001,83.98260416666669,71.78125,8.458333333333334,27.083333333333336,8.959647251330699,2.028317708333333,2542,88,513,50,48,827,292,640,0.165,0.688,0.147,-0.8969,0,4,1,0,0,0,88.0,6,3,8,2,27,40,5,2,25,2,41,2,2,2,9,111,78,50,1,12,14,6,4,3,2,5,0,6,1,0,34,47,0,8,20,2,4,8,12,20,2,2,15,12,90,20,68,49,8,80,1,5,1,0,60,32,3,5,38,337,124,5,0.0,0.0,0.0625245600952212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679553572013765,0.0,0.0,0.13271754140509107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407447168331444,0.05989822122553664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699408415570733,0.07811480655782496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542418450225039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186165664615046,0.10231178871465453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053523532628733904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795635707967784,0.0,0.24489232843405986,0.0,0.0,0.2416037034948071,0.0,0.0971894553877098,0.0,0.0,0.07018721724976465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900299325292104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282664152835241,0.05374015026647902,0.0,0.0,0.0705820016416617,0.0,0.05665823263318503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294578860158599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392993049430317,0.20576965867525368,0.0,0.0,0.06687401951025218,0.0,0.0569497099764993,0.0,0.0,0.1056360936466989,0.05222683947914334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310349382673351,0.0,0.09390632338628724,0.2568659768334929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436845261130764,0.1395853347538609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646939694312789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709993861260638,0.09501643895047387,0.0,0.12376134456854722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294584902011136,0.0,0.0,0.043416519443728666,0.04872927735631686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116351470840001,0.1332573717091485,0.0,0.0,0.14066257504454507,0.0,0.0,0.12272560835528964,0.0651837689279258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322871973682956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32836684562072666,0.06587619260624329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471672712674745,0.0,0.050952243534115885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600124519153144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857518022097226,0.04932538556079731,0.0,0.0,0.136050452721694,0.0,0.0,0.2678332939933692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008384253406802,0.07270760045487136,0.06038664838188955,0.0,0.0,0.05149825996885884,0.0,0.0589884463952827,0.0,0.0,0.04256627022185989,0.0,0.0,0.20346251684301656,0.1494424718633182,0.0,0.0,0.061223082108514966,0.0,0.13050106686417207,0.0,0.06258856408609491,0.06670071086002413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573142653899856,0.0,0.10171397896270286,0.10278861558009826,0.0,0.115215980483407,0.059394939998085323,0.0,0.0,0.07367908479931351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045514568780591166,0.1401042957747197,0.0,0.08251991510968741
bpd,tacobellaaaa,2019/01/01,"Does anyone else get abandoned by friends without explanation? This has happened to me since I was in middle school. I’ve tried so hard to self reflect and try to figure out what I’m doing wrong, and I can’t seem to figure it out. I think I’m kind, nice and always try to make my friends feel good. But my friends have always slowly separated themselves from me. First it starts by making excuses not to hang out, then they just completely cut me off. This has happened with at least 10 different people since I was 15 and I’m 24 now. Even friends who have sworn they love and care for me so much and promised they’d always be in my life. ",3.4583720930232573,4.9236297596899234,3.893713178294576,90.12289534883722,73.10852713178295,6.710387596899222,25.3031007751938,7.1686216300943375,0.9282365891472866,505,16,107,5,10,158,84,129,0.07,0.7140000000000001,0.215,0.9694,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,5,13,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,0,23,24,10,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,2,14,10,19,20,2,13,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,1,4,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664560375729671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264820235182633,0.15041721444272207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967563402448886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539203495076235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337808593155924,0.0,0.0,0.12846845905557444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263522615028513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696212110057123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422810276475318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487071666737372,0.0,0.0,0.4536791153657573,0.0,0.0766986066205462,0.0,0.0,0.12313154901404827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596351485408474,0.0,0.13150682130955546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287292955637108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369143312811732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249560869503355,0.0,0.19598453579085612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791723452724136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177484627245294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857266364349567,0.0,0.13364410875848798,0.1531477416071155,0.0,0.0,0.2428742281726105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390805201583778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406555517906673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990091845908826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151303449024188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050624046193138,0.0,0.0
bpd,syzygynoid,2019/01/01,"Ringing in the new year in tears Alone, rejected, dumped, and it's all my fault. Happy 2019 everyone",2.9036842105263148,5.532547000000001,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,79.0,8.010526315789475,25.28947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.2165578947368423,79,3,15,2,2,25,18,19,0.445,0.424,0.131,-0.7845,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4900654487185822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521379297385486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037024050078248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569942919216372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047084718290071
bpd,Obsidian_Ulfr,2019/01/01,"Kicking the new year off fucking great (sarcasm) Was gonna challenge myself to see how long i could go in 2019 without self harm. Got to a friends, got made fun of for pouring too much booze in my glass (apparently that's a thing?) And now im in the bathroom with an exacto self harming. Fucking go me. Might as well give up",2.125,4.0488721060606085,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,77.93939393939394,5.612121212121212,27.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.0367757575757577,253,11,54,2,6,81,56,66,0.049,0.72,0.231,0.9089,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,0,5,0,3,3,0,2,0,7,13,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,4,1,4,5,12,6,1,11,0,0,1,2,4,5,2,1,4,32,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412527929952025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588174160891861,0.3800792478342576,0.0,0.19719470136566436,0.2336523098940768,0.0,0.3288149203311611,0.226633865004749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204324797287514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191673156907212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945086223758208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806979252910053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151112411910692,0.0,0.0,0.1985339666032792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380704737749638,0.0,0.4288939521904601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365668820117294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848257685079326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981553368403207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323757925191102
bpd,OhHeyItsRayy,2019/01/01,"I can’t get over my ex It’s been almost 3 years and I still haven’t gotten over her. I’ve been in relationships since then but they’ve ended quite quickly as I just can’t feel love for anyone except her. 
She messaged me out of nowhere today for the first time we since we broke up, and I can finally admit I’m not over her. ",1.4692018779342746,2.899452000000004,3.1517605633802823,93.54247652582164,78.29577464788733,5.860093896713615,18.875586854460085,6.42735559955562,-0.2013962441314554,256,5,60,2,6,85,53,71,0.055,0.8270000000000001,0.11800000000000001,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,12,5,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,12,1,11,9,0,15,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,1,9,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27928951986570266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502136482543092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470327517590572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102600511178798,0.0,0.0,0.3055338509459075,0.0,0.2372419295540409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571971647471935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517284652732347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966566497932924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29944650834675063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614368529981656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273903736896386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263550441383307,0.0,0.2643754341673817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960982377654186
bpd,Useful_Hour,2019/01/01,"My best friend told me she probably has BPD as she has all the symptoms, how can I help her? Thanks to me she's stopped driinking to numb her feelings and she self harms less but last time we got into an argument she scratched while she was ignoring my messages instead of simply looking at her messages and calling me. She got so upset because I wanted to send voice messages for a while instead of calling so that I could calm down a little after our argument. 
She ignored me then went and scratched then a couple days later sent me pictures and apologized.
I told her this was not a thing and it would not happen anymore and that she doesn't get to threaten me with self harm.
She's a great friend otherwise but can't cope without me...",4.9848275862068965,6.083604896551727,5.0387931034482785,84.7630172413793,69.0,7.731034482758621,32.43103448275862,7.908726449838941,2.2608482758620694,590,26,113,7,10,184,90,145,0.163,0.674,0.163,-0.0072,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,5,12,0,1,7,0,9,2,0,1,1,23,21,16,0,3,5,0,3,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,5,9,0,3,1,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,8,5,29,6,14,11,3,17,0,0,1,0,31,4,0,0,10,86,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652788736426756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159250607888792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748961461574709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989854527550555,0.0,0.34035067893721094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330619824199543,0.1844027021324514,0.0,0.10747992039879374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426674167054897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575174320230829,0.0,0.08707135747585905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665815122159035,0.18373983270422592,0.0,0.0,0.14737415598526618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170661445188483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584762584896834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670340071417743,0.0,0.0,0.13994983160624194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968433744737786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477190093443365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933263998039944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322034229803845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534352925667355,0.0,0.0,0.1107194463336144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717898501085992,0.0,0.0,0.31849564072968983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829856402671172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449262614108636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606513150174054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838828793865787,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bitchytaurus,2019/01/01,"Way to start the new year A friend invited me to spend the holidays with her family out of state. I thought it would be good for me since my fp was leaving our home state as well and I needed a distraction, but now my fp is home and I'm snowed in. My return trip is going to be about three days later than initially planned. I've been so overwhelmed with the new surroundings, and no real way to escape it. Earlier today my fp and I were texting and they were clearly very frustrated. If I was with them in person it wouldn't have been an issue, but just reading texts left me with no understanding of what their anger was directed at. That incident was kind of the final straw that flung me into a complete breakdown. I'm now starting my new year sad and alone, and having relapsed into self harm. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking about this with and just had to vent somewhere. :/",5.48206471494607,5.913061983050849,5.81878787878788,82.00442218798152,67.58757062146893,9.148228043143298,29.650231124807394,9.095868883498916,2.2994677966101698,709,24,140,12,11,227,111,177,0.161,0.741,0.098,-0.9487,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,3,1,8,11,2,2,8,0,19,0,0,0,1,29,28,13,0,4,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,7,16,0,0,3,2,1,2,4,6,1,1,10,1,20,5,24,14,0,28,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,1,14,98,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223250172164386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095268039122642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423477033573888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010202785448031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476668902550709,0.0,0.07920223316165913,0.0,0.0,0.17159220586455262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102019901294135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902250691238886,0.13138276867286086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142467428300436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634921709740783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311716128866166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585986053662832,0.17019055462569038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614707771421925,0.0,0.4538536277847201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677259783913562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668306687375874,0.17829138421044646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341038888451806,0.0,0.0,0.1295747872584674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174215577661355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590184327720022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243552011458467,0.0,0.0,0.14847704692862762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306846969693242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292449638263262,0.0,0.24866815784079835,0.0,0.0,0.1408387810250544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127304318453696,0.0,0.0,0.20174292152143086
bpd,Randompeg,2019/01/01,"Could we please set up a chat room? I think it could help us. When we are feeling bad, average, or happy.

Just to have someone to talk to that understands.

Sometimes that's all you need, but you can't get it.",0.3955813953488381,2.637329953488376,1.7593488372093056,97.7664651162791,86.67441860465117,5.300465116279073,20.227906976744187,6.742157984588678,0.15733860465116267,160,5,37,2,5,51,36,43,0.052000000000000005,0.784,0.16399999999999998,0.431,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,10,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371480836645293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535399283321271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436110122627759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483907593708752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023487112882589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903752258584072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060011487121705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117729393952901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240652519493163,0.0,0.2809068887348484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282876433784804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199103971629974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29567888513344154,0.34164576757877785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,littlelunacy,2019/01/01,"anyone else avoiding social media? I'm very strategically avoiding social media right now to prevent myself from falling into a comparative slump with all the people that are ""having more fun than me"". Also, I would be stalking my exes right now to find out what everyone is up to. I sort of wish my boundaries were better and that I had enough self control to just not give a fuck about them or silly shit but I don't so.... i'm just holding on to my tiny shred of sanity by having \*these\* boundaries. I feel kind of sad, like i'm missing out on everyone enjoying New Year's, but i'm also like.....calm and don't want to fuck with the peace of mind I have. no pain, no gain huh? ",3.675547445255475,4.829327978102191,4.998255474452551,83.62877007299272,72.13868613138686,7.231824817518247,25.37883211678832,7.554174236665415,1.2716254014598545,531,16,105,6,10,177,92,137,0.16399999999999998,0.637,0.19899999999999998,0.7606,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,4,8,14,3,2,4,1,11,4,1,1,1,26,22,8,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,1,12,6,22,18,3,13,0,2,0,2,5,8,3,2,5,71,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700583681702294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806375860007845,0.17300665075841734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493339930547907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893794924808731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410524042734557,0.0,0.0,0.17446705735807938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32268658305267395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537557020358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432572683533535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31219797737255245,0.0,0.16197618592897034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583116156061032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498304003954506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049024012619984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630762615072378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966817186973474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705924318758602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28839374144968155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761472444814614,0.0,0.17332197031556615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34424236772370764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393188303174673,0.09959203106231787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416902332847435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994610670607027,0.0,0.0,0.10873378358077752
bpd,paralyzedbeast5639,2019/01/01,I just don't want to be here anymore I'm so tired of being alive and the energy is takes to function every day. I just don't want to do it anymore. ,0.16754901960784352,1.4762849705882353,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,81.64705882352942,5.7098039215686285,20.15686274509804,6.42735559955562,0.04052156862745093,115,3,28,1,3,41,24,34,0.177,0.688,0.135,-0.1243,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,10,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6869063591854908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334566777813206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917868168121259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603871127848432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980401839981289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085332096026338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nobunnynobunny,2019/01/01,"Just a reminder it’s ok to not be excited about the New Year Just wanted everyone here to remember it’s ok to not be excited about the New Year.  It’s ok to be sad tonight, to not be looking forward to the next 365 days.  If anyone needs a friend to talk to tonight (or anytime) just PM me.  We’ll get through this next year together! 🖤

Also thanks to this sub for the support I’ve found here over the last year or so.  It’s been incredibly helpful and a nice reminder that I’m not alone in dealing with things.  Hope this next year is better for all of us. ",1.8510256410256432,3.4308428632478685,3.2943675213675228,92.28257692307696,77.63247863247864,6.731282051282051,26.22991452991453,7.554174236665415,1.19115452991453,433,17,99,6,10,142,70,117,0.055999999999999994,0.716,0.22899999999999998,0.9648,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,8,3,7,0,0,0,1,18,16,6,0,4,10,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,3,11,18,9,1,17,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,4,15,60,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100214923877534,0.0,0.1243154943718554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869616533057404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374853095566919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025415246520332,0.16026494175874909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485417481085858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044589793478754,0.12010239585541935,0.0,0.08121763688834073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419669008944143,0.0,0.0,0.154399639607105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671472534930553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054114390178856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152662317436085,0.0,0.30027443632936945,0.4959772351765012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609764272643294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640591914671205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249470182955846,0.0,0.14311999076156012,0.0,0.0,0.10327588829994754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699049734155945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169004953184827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005323164896768
bpd,mashroulayal,2019/01/01,"talking to people who aren't there? like okay i know my ex isn't around me, and i'm aware of that, i don't hear voices. its only in my imagination. like for example i make jokes and imagine that they're there and that they're replying to me? does that make sense?

i don't know if it's a coping thing or not and i don't know how to stop doing it? and i'm wondering if anyone here does the same thing?",-0.4685393258426984,1.4872938876404551,1.934932584269664,97.04194943820228,87.65168539325843,5.3577528089887645,15.641573033707864,6.742157984588678,-0.471976179775281,312,6,77,4,10,106,54,89,0.114,0.86,0.025,-0.7224,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,0,21,15,9,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,10,6,0,1,6,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,7,15,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,3,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725778398026492,0.0,0.0,0.21971647223782892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319765692651053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27817691661537003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069269748883267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411613605369307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32950005013808376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771289943207695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110950521808266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063472594198932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983794593089368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279440383623423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676588704369038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MurderSuicideNChill,2019/01/01,"Was anyone else very social at the beginning of the year before losing all your friends halfway through then becoming very withdrawn? I guess it's a a pattern with me: 

​

Love Bomb

​

Overshare

​

Ghost",11.3721052631579,11.731759894736845,8.277894736842107,69.55526315789477,55.31578947368421,9.705263157894738,47.94736842105264,8.841846274778883,4.9233789473684215,188,11,25,2,2,53,33,38,0.182,0.653,0.16399999999999998,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,3,1,4,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462582562787859,0.5187712623093808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950733985625672,0.14581470045117734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717160262415336,0.12109639806105202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888279431391527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994932420651178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677189399351102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592098948697546,0.0,0.0,0.1284414657227919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506840492024922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23484338227340099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187712623093808,0.09164378370571294
bpd,triplesshotsoylatte,2019/01/01,"I'm emotionally inconsistent with my friends. One moment, I'll be fine to not see them for months. I'll enjoy the distance and space I have. They haven't done anything wrong, I just want to be alone.

The next moment, I'll hang out with a friend and I'll almost be in tears once I go home because I miss them so much. We could simply see a movie or even just pass one another at a shopping mall and talk for 10 minutes, but it'll be as if I'm saying my final goodbyes at a funeral.

Is anyone else like this?",2.59,3.566999296296298,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,74.55555555555556,6.881481481481483,23.685185185185183,7.1686216300943375,0.6948851851851856,396,11,90,4,8,132,74,108,0.07200000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.135,0.6661,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,3,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,16,17,8,1,3,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,2,0,2,1,3,10,5,11,10,1,13,0,1,2,0,8,5,0,3,6,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774332626444585,0.20452520553947354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207070424770238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807955769968178,0.2023371278289095,0.16250562414485534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203793160856618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766822828721574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208613985763085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496555611556252,0.2221335133728939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304307965306676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632490901012333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30513837627947565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222995596243368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808416619778396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964766218978994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762317030722042,0.0,0.14516731584466164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001758143599408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030510967326044,0.2676292061780622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570405535121315,0.0,0.0,0.3147250326238483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587234376638635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164762477711656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590861002182893,0.0,0.0
bpd,marrrtiii,2019/01/01,"I hope 2019 brings me a friend. What do you hope2019 brings for you? I do a lot for people who don't do anything for me. I hope I meet someone who wants to do the things I want to do or puts up with what I want to do as I put up with others.      
     
What do you hope to gain, learn, or remove in 2019?",0.6082352941176481,1.0467080588235298,2.381647058823532,102.21041176470592,78.70588235294117,5.44,18.011764705882353,3.1291,-1.0584329411764704,220,3,63,0,5,73,35,68,0.0,0.736,0.264,0.9456,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,16,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,4,13,16,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,6,0,46,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854586575715248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411875415432482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6715238117971182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159981040682708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624179149547834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531141647601217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190953571109318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497244819879808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987836482142926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lol_uh,2019/01/01,Asking for a friend I mean I am asking if someone will be my friend. I am sad and lonely. ,-2.082666666666668,-0.24740259999999736,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,100.0,2.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.727833333333333,68,1,16,0,3,24,15,20,0.233,0.5,0.267,0.2023,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6699867657553924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5536950337796382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903301511512673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303614749942461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scotters96,2019/01/01,Happy new year everybody! I just wanted to wish everyone a happy new year. I am currently Writing down my resolutions and working on my homework for DBT right now. It feels great to actually get committed to the program and take it seriously for the first time ever. I really plan to have a great 2019 and focus on my mental health. I wish the same for all of you as well! Love everyone in this sub.,3.1625824175824206,5.289479397435901,5.245457875457877,77.30192307692309,75.53846153846153,9.072527472527472,26.52747252747253,9.606745405546679,2.7427010989011,315,12,59,9,7,109,55,78,0.018000000000000002,0.662,0.32,0.9823,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,4,7,0,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,13,9,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,6,13,9,2,14,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,9,41,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.168751861899237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642242266395687,0.0,0.3304784257989977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743711553066111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709166572995214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903472496040392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813053800645211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681681339462345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838133743894445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560734198136344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742697998501765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334028057059319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078150030181533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476787612037409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001962528311278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100835157158054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199685817810128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548219129819293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39771516101770144,0.0,0.0,0.12589295652143845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227187092131346
bpd,mighthavedoneathing,2019/01/01,"I guess I’ll start here, but if anyone has the power to get this to r/all, there’s lots of thanks to go to all the Reddit community! I have no idea here this belongs, because this sort of advice has popped up all over the place here, but here goes:

Thank you to the people who put out the little reminders that if you don't want to stick around, your pets will miss you.  I can make up so much shit to support my kids and husband being better off (all wrong, of course, but in the moment, the mind makes its own logic), but not even at my worst ""time to go"" moments can I argue the same when it comes to our pets.  And if you don't have people or pets, the same argument goes for plants! Who's going to feed and water them! We are all needed in some way, and sometimes, it is the littlest of things that count, and I'm glad for them. Best of the new year to you all ❤️",5.7783183183183215,3.895495432432437,6.012612612612614,88.5667867867868,67.64864864864866,8.654654654654655,25.96096096096096,5.82211442006289,0.6440510510510511,665,10,160,2,9,213,114,185,0.134,0.7509999999999999,0.115,-0.4725,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,6,2,3,9,11,2,0,11,0,12,3,1,2,5,36,28,15,0,5,9,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,11,9,2,0,2,0,0,5,4,5,0,0,0,0,16,6,27,26,13,24,0,1,0,0,15,11,1,8,7,113,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142408341981732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266181392764025,0.0,0.0,0.1561661744363797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693795313678114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840985777737198,0.15514988415036013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111381279782396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586710126400936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916527518090659,0.0,0.2990956128056099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325132113766047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980344006691036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582276013651574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914076098096218,0.0,0.0,0.23419619741100345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713007241855447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289581642725229,0.1300760245522462,0.0,0.16942735249327148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432363542655591,0.0,0.1832826470027295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635140452406653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007208583316975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350062405385278,0.0,0.12416730005913724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990711444539058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230170562637523,0.0,0.0,0.1165451214891816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229220782192022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347069522174,0.13924485248026866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918005980687904,0.0,0.11296847811200188
bpd,Gavaudan,2019/04/14,"Does love make us selfish? I know people, and mostly girls get the rep of “psycho ex”, who have this condition. But we love so much more intensely, do we hold it against the people who’ve left us for not feeling the same? I was thinking about my last relationship, and I realized, I would say rude/demeaning things when it seemed like he didn’t love me with the same intensity that I did him. That after we broke up, he wasn’t as heart broken but still continued to love him. But isn’t that in a way selfish? To harbor all these feelings, and not dealing with the possibility of him moving on in my head? That I don’t allow that possibility to exist because of how intense it was. I don’t know, I felt bad about myself because he didn’t go to the same extremes I did emotionally. I didn’t know I had developed this at the time, but looking back on it, no one loves the same. Yes people have love languages, but you ask people what Love feels like almost every answer would be different. I guess what I’m trying to figure out is, is the reason we unknowingly do or say bad things to the people we love, because we love so much that we feel like they never love us the same amount?",6.8279113924050625,5.649891421940929,7.298154008438817,77.91533227848103,65.16033755274262,10.09409282700422,31.14240506329114,9.075114841892004,2.34466835443038,925,27,190,13,12,305,125,237,0.085,0.684,0.231,0.993,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,10,1,1,0,8,18,0,0,12,1,21,12,2,4,2,52,48,14,0,2,8,1,5,3,0,2,0,2,0,1,18,13,0,1,14,0,0,2,11,5,0,1,10,8,31,13,24,35,11,19,0,1,1,10,36,8,0,6,11,136,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905658318014216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380718406870995,0.0,0.0,0.06070734073996869,0.13183917488649238,0.14438076260385824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139353286796963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248548985678472,0.0,0.0,0.06908929467977501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880763214014413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665184119585056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967708504127576,0.1128031672731349,0.0758039614980325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124788818431091,0.0,0.044868856089648496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697184458097308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102502866576856,0.0,0.0,0.09355561237272464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016584547184168,0.06435443116498935,0.0,0.0,0.08577893128568882,0.0,0.0,0.1157123058678177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629774902852413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7125506307308763,0.0,0.052699446406825376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391089119797979,0.11607402582845013,0.0,0.06089077013061085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349826717124349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736684318002331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780075399573636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811732998735845,0.0,0.08476228469475465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556772272339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187271708643124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304922305603028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490116324335352,0.05058769217564752,0.0,0.0,0.046036125125350574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360157094337088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28489981073238685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266648837028002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216700887153787,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sisterflower,2019/04/14,"terribly upset now that i think he’s lost interest I (25/F) have been speaking to a guy (24) for about three months now, but this past two weeks, he's been making excuses to speak to me less. I'm extremely perceptive to personal situations so I picked up on this pretty quickly, but even so, I managed to keep my feelings to myself and my emotions under control. But today I couldn't help but reach out to him through WhatsApp. I sent him a message saying, ’Hey, are you ok?’. He was already online and it took him exactly ten minutes to reply. When he replied, he said that he is busy at work and will talk to me tomorrow afternoon if he's free, and asked how I was. This was another message like the last, so I replied with, ’I'm glad to hear that you're ok! I'm fine, and there's no need to worry about replying to my previous message. Take care of yourself in the meantime!’. His response was, ’Will do! Take care of yourself too! Speak to you soon.’

I'm interpreting his message as the beginning of the end of our conversing, and I'm crushed. I know now that I like him more than just a friend, so this is why I'm hurting too much, but, I dunno... It's midnight now and I'm still incredibly upset and want to do something self-destructive to feel better. In addition, I also know that he's been frequently visiting WhatsApp more than usual, so I think he's met someone else. I'm obsessed with him and I'm scared. 

What shall I do? What do you guys think about his message?",3.2163197189284127,4.6156325555555595,4.583460693895479,85.2009881422925,73.61279461279459,7.993500219587176,29.411359976577373,8.587818076936951,2.182680398184746,1147,49,237,21,23,381,159,297,0.10400000000000001,0.7440000000000001,0.151,0.9629,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,1,3,0,4,22,18,0,4,7,1,19,0,0,4,1,39,51,24,0,4,7,0,2,2,1,3,0,6,0,3,13,13,0,2,9,0,1,3,2,7,0,3,12,8,32,12,36,35,4,28,0,2,0,0,45,7,0,2,20,149,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524179303233827,0.1104538443168967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448299846692475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912277218218765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215517505976475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28164338257193217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491238520785214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538083717016052,0.15536546743466328,0.12233258199876723,0.0,0.0,0.09122640417092248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967439711089918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671052229595698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27351937179519115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567033428557406,0.0,0.09257836316886883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785942006017255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276665778519197,0.0,0.0,0.15181335911795815,0.1125855519226346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495609221758684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077338163262635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219561345384976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102453977406147,0.0,0.10153347660143497,0.10241360886134447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318503690755278,0.0,0.1206003251542192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051684295540648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138295246787954,0.10983790168416722,0.13828137670355525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408840911414852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525172556928646,0.0,0.0,0.11702791813737175,0.10633087915221877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030214155506697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769684205371106,0.11101495092316843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655035468879774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092081616078718,0.0,0.1534554715543358,0.0,0.0,0.13492235222260027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211874411962545,0.0,0.08146626056206356,0.0,0.11079086090467276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246310610572516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055239526099456,0.1402667139401892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slouch_to_nirvana,2019/04/14,"There is a light at the end of the tunnel. TW: brief mentions of self harm and abuse

I am 32 and of course, have BPD. I was tols my counselors and therapists and read in all the books that as you get older, the symptoms start falling off and the disorder starts to calm down. I did not believe it, how could what I was feeling ever get better? Even when I was taking psychology classes for my Master's degree we learned the same thing. 

It has most definitely gotten better. And Tbh, it is with little to no effort from me. Some counseling, a few treatments here and there. Horse therapy (a local ranch doed it for free for veterans) was a big catalyst in my healing. But looking back, things have gotten much better. 

I would say my BPD peaked between the ages of 19-28. Toxic relationships, and I was usually the toxic one. ""Crazy"" behavior and flying off the handle. Self harm and impulsive behavior. I look back and shudder. 

Am I totally better? No. But the emotions are much easier to deal with. I am happy and content being alone. I do not freak out and scream in fear or anger. Impulsiveness was always one of my worst traits, and that has gotten better. When an impulsive flair up comes, holy shit I *actually think about what I am doing* and make some decent decisions now. No more self harm. My food issues has been rearing it's ugly head but I am worling on that. Sober from booze and drugs. 

This is not a humble brag. This is just a note out there to the younger people struggling. Seriously, it really does get better. Try some counseling and different kinds of therapy. (If you can find horse therapy, or *hippotherapy* as it is called, look into doing it). But just know that it really does become easier to deal with.",2.4168226763348706,5.098065487804877,3.7685168094924215,83.83350362557681,81.62195121951221,6.960580092287412,21.97462096242584,8.098718942377014,1.4769615029663807,1352,43,249,28,37,442,185,328,0.11199999999999999,0.8,0.08800000000000001,-0.7227,1,1,1,0,1,0,55.0,1,2,0,8,15,21,2,2,18,0,32,7,2,2,3,55,49,29,0,3,12,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,19,25,2,0,6,2,1,3,6,11,0,2,11,7,24,11,35,35,12,30,0,0,3,0,12,15,1,7,12,186,43,4,0.0,0.10772331099343216,0.0887231395530015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941639327752354,0.0,0.0,0.07565130369095495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982111164468916,0.0,0.0,0.1004121123305064,0.0,0.10243378287315406,0.0,0.482459054412207,0.0,0.0,0.2290168163990388,0.0,0.09283774316675493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831805958725467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259085944965563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746553724095685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499026596909638,0.10420024139917956,0.0,0.15912642305073949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054363560718644,0.0,0.0,0.1022708431716258,0.0805266222601063,0.0,0.0,0.060050675533797615,0.08224080184383185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230835722966544,0.04597102109587945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309767333989228,0.0,0.10993876166102448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250316786967446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967842142879124,0.0,0.0,0.09330839928911376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489507733348666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467741202947608,0.0499663165118712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112401540413996,0.0,0.0,0.2290454051120812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060688667052835925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367081416006552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321717762252457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630312971873838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094289750541386,0.0,0.11648917411101205,0.0,0.0,0.09761222223790599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230187636236403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28454282669137865,0.0,0.0933263219766136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128704872503357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504754107819098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449891917206614,0.06835924195912374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119189774434996,0.10556314654034483,0.12080414887824205,0.058256771498487715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172755340499906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013365569710846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458574728818793,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aestheticcrying,2019/04/14,"Advice on work avoiding/anxiety related to work Long story short I have struggled to attend my job since I got pregnant and had an abortion 18months ago, getting to the point of taking nine months off and still struggling to continue to attend even though it is only one very short shift a week and I really need the money. 

I feel totally depressed and angry at myself and often cry and frustrate myself the entire time I should’ve been there and smoke to pass the time which only makes me more filled with self loathing. Really need some advice on breaking a really toxic cycle before it messes up my whole life. Planning on coming off cannibas starting Tuesday as I’m going home for a week and won’t have access to it so hoping that’ll help me with weening off. Any advice related to this would also be really appreciated. Sorry. Thank you.",6.663396226415094,7.484893358490571,7.086471698113211,72.5757452830189,65.1006289308176,9.127295597484276,29.736477987421388,9.120678840339163,2.6750523270440256,680,22,109,11,10,222,111,159,0.139,0.785,0.076,-0.8689,1,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,3,7,7,1,2,8,0,9,1,0,1,1,20,22,12,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,6,11,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,5,0,2,3,1,12,2,21,15,4,29,0,1,0,0,3,11,0,3,11,76,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988149265189192,0.12059269897177535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879244439849192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251297519929144,0.0,0.10407147653722656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576140935902185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718782049109833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943534533151834,0.0,0.0,0.1171724587702064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898542152590446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687867370101841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107613809523751,0.0,0.0773155948579255,0.0,0.10880492118862456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118583866267313,0.0,0.1364608496027939,0.13512003706358638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500032873605194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609022829800486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039256382484345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908088461066668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858713318727548,0.0,0.0,0.20174629351478893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218533099993996,0.2069315836476532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860331529990918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486070134224605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419210923256219,0.0,0.0,0.11253504425950256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228746974546525,0.09629096772021924,0.0,0.1086430234853175,0.0,0.0,0.2844405042896129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022863770863524,0.0,0.0,0.12524885748083214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366021325773747,0.0,0.15865393991363747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224859428478802,0.0,0.0,0.21824878345114915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518856244135401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807985748656254,0.0,0.0,0.0966400725372838,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_candlescape,2019/04/14,"I've finally had enough. I'm currently receiving daily abuse by my ex (who I love too much to leave) and I'm about to take my own life for it.


Any suggestions / advice would be appreciated. Please consider that I'm 270~ pounds, unable to date, unable to find friends because of my ugliness and personality disorder (plus lack of car, license, permit or job despite being 21).


I deleted my previous post about this because I was a pussy. Hopefully things will work out this time.",4.931412520064203,6.844956876404496,6.074189406099521,74.15921348314609,70.12359550561797,10.029534510433386,31.815409309791328,10.290406445055957,3.658131942215088,378,17,67,11,7,126,69,89,0.128,0.716,0.155,0.4019,2,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,0,10,12,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,12,6,4,8,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,2,4,40,13,2,0.0,0.2680842533737862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22110125270102066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538663676874049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585523490209884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25931661085473395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23378981161697845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478596844149642,0.2067999721599908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480996985877878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472987448490134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224530777163688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395794872068321,0.0,0.0,0.15981600815039762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042108845475636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663290892263427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975638273674416,0.0,0.2483684552948569,0.0,0.0,0.2166970835182854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012136159579253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031885744049292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193557661084795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472191126618108,0.0,0.0,0.16073050188178442,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smartwatchplease,2019/04/14,"Kinda need a hug. Kinda need cuddles. I just over think till my head hurts and my body aches of stress. What do you guys do? You know how hard it is to divert your thinking into something else. Also, does anyone recommend any psychologists in the gta? The one I went too read off of a textbook rather than help.",1.6899297423887596,4.226947360655739,2.510210772833726,92.58672131147543,83.59016393442623,4.797189695550352,18.550351288056206,6.1826913282559595,-0.13452880562060887,243,6,49,2,7,76,52,61,0.14300000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.1626,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,3,4,2,1,0,12,9,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,7,1,9,8,0,6,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,2,1,32,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345999793122629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645110567155765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691531697334893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687139456679259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170216878757414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020896299109416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953470080150616,0.0,0.0,0.2167090621796077,0.0,0.24827542927051965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215107819824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589758941923714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329506108299385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35875503801571595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639284239189777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419812909586132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623862110036934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771137603045642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310019785183242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242583935192616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jongmulongadong,2019/04/14,"Feeling inferior to literally everyone except the people you split on? I don’t understand it lol. I always feel subhuman, like every other human being is inherently better and more worthy of living than I am because I’m less than human or something. I’m pretty reserved because of it, like I’m scared to talk to anyone because everyone is on a pedestal above me and doesn’t deserve the displeasure of interacting with me and all that bs. 

Then I split on someone, and I suddenly feel superior to them. Possibly because I start to notice all the subtle, undesirable things about them, or just any of their undesirable traits that I had ignored before because I was too busy glorifying them. 

Then I feel bad, like “I’m a piece of shit so how am I better than this person?” But that mindset doesn’t cease anyway. I can never manage to put myself on the same level as anybody - I’m either a much better and more superior person, or far worse and I don’t deserve to live.",4.7809266409266415,6.433051945945947,6.530057915057918,71.78141891891893,70.08108108108108,8.745173745173744,29.97104247104248,9.23628265651192,2.901131274131275,770,31,129,16,14,266,105,185,0.11900000000000001,0.695,0.187,0.9145,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,4,3,6,13,1,1,7,1,12,1,1,1,3,25,23,15,0,0,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,4,20,8,23,20,9,12,0,1,0,0,11,6,1,3,8,97,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183026049165055,0.0,0.0,0.0966851957005582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941342330155756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871180744898445,0.4333487196129495,0.0,0.12098210542184773,0.0,0.0,0.3772318527099112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979020528653782,0.271712320996084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875557343218346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838141600150045,0.0,0.25108968835983714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451641111861347,0.0,0.10965562224412924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186939028285016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856758951565113,0.2482868426604964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028313910549966,0.0,0.1446450630767562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292709577992554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234392144701152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594258735067853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204660611830968,0.10945475573245407,0.0,0.0,0.10063357100093387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427644004100405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445604239286956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801121027967035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489044994262762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HomieNR,2019/04/14,"A little self-diagnosis Hi Guys

I'm 29 years old and have been suffering from some kind of Mood/emotional disturbance my whole life and have been affraid to tell anyone. I have always thought it was some kind of bipolar, as my mood and self-esteme can periodicly reach a point where the simplest tasks makes me feel like a genius plus all my plans, thoughts and ideas are too big for this world and completely unrealistic. In theese periods i tend to be incredible hyperactive and at times productive but always impulsive and incredibly bad at finishing anything i start.

Othertimes, like now, its the complete opposite and i feel like a complete waste of space with no desire to live but also no desire to die. In my down periods, i pour my emotions on everyone around me, i get very sticky and experience seperation anxiety - I have lost several girlfriends on this account. In my good periods theese traits are all gone.

I have always felt like my feelings controlled me. I cannot watch movies at all as the emotional stress is too much. It's like everything i feel is just too much, positive and negative. A Google search today led me to BPD and i started reading your threads. 

I feel like a lot of my issues relate to BPD exept the periodicly bloated selfesteem. Can any of you relate to that?

My doctor referred me to a psychiatrist, but there's at least 10 Weeks wait.

Do any of you have links to anything to read on managing emotions while I wait?",5.949364925228199,7.401661295202956,6.344587298504564,74.97929695086427,67.04428044280442,10.280908914352302,33.08234608661876,10.426177893888326,3.6663682656826575,1165,51,207,31,19,376,156,271,0.128,0.748,0.124,-0.4587,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,3,9,15,0,2,11,0,18,3,0,3,3,42,36,19,1,2,4,0,6,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,14,0,3,11,2,1,2,4,5,0,0,8,7,30,9,34,27,10,35,0,2,1,0,7,18,0,3,21,135,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745882796041506,0.23282525376629395,0.0,0.0,0.12685409725516292,0.0,0.07135157623945305,0.0,0.0,0.06521680996034666,0.0,0.1535071314523334,0.083030401999923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787686138687054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234941526862412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933766189629785,0.0,0.1046106486694876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679991650781586,0.0,0.0,0.09546617386751556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41966644067538267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912383365239515,0.08382539266407148,0.09123631709935932,0.0,0.0,0.23580150264754535,0.19989710863921548,0.08955418004156185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872991769550022,0.0,0.0,0.07823075950856555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923523282814813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529089258101874,0.0,0.09735003180556656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425347091393916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587961926166264,0.27340314326395143,0.09348141175615628,0.08235944374983417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181562457719988,0.07929513150665353,0.0,0.0,0.062258694906465725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371289046346176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787156146734503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817064542161655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659121660293454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946026707026852,0.10536896750249558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203449308230658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068408914338056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081522412703222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809250760582546,0.054386701650131035,0.0,0.08840940306059193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695782167573659,0.0,0.0,0.07481586323997369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041330350121738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060063059012694514
bpd,ObnoxiousLuke,2019/04/14,What’s wrong with me Randomly I just had an eating relapse and I don’t think I’ve eaten a days worth of food in the past five days combined. Today I had a cough drop and an apple... I hate myself. Oh and I’m single and sad and feel abandoned and really wanna just not exist!,0.5703954802259901,2.5172372542372905,3.0450000000000017,90.74569209039551,83.23728813559322,5.289265536723164,16.612994350282484,6.42735559955562,-0.2451039548022597,214,4,46,2,6,74,44,59,0.254,0.7140000000000001,0.032,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,15,8,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,3,1,6,0,4,5,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245671375247532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33681697933090177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664352242114442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980264525431918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32498133330972745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142243130217132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087090681470694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091501983310867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31200901299563305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598891945720385,0.0,0.0
bpd,boondikaladdoo,2019/04/14,"I got triggered and became abusive I feel ashamed and disgusted even as I write this post. I was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago, and have been on medication and therapy ever since. It has helped me alot, and I haven't had an episode in a long time. But yesterday, I got really badly triggered and turned abusive towards my husband.

Until recently we had a domestic help at home (we have 4 dogs) who was referred to us by my mother. She made certain financial promises to him without telling us, which I later confronted her about and made sure that nothing was hidden and we paid what we could afford. A few weeks ago he abruptly left after taking his money. Ever since then he has been harassing and blackmailing us for more money. We decided to go to the police about it, but they refused to take our complaint and started lecturing us about why we should pay him the money instead. Yesterday, I came back from a stressful visit from my mother's place. When I returned, my husband wasn't in a good mood. When I asked him, he said he was upset about everything that was happening and how it was all my mother's fault for making those promises otherwise none of this would have happened.

I was extremely tired and stressed and didn't want to deal with the blame game. I tried to reason with him about how a person who wants to blackmail will blackmail no matter what. But it turned into an argument and eventually a horrible fight. He started saying some horrible and mean things to me including ""go sit in your mother's lap because that's all that is left"". I pushed and pulled him a few times and hit on his arm too. I completely lost control. 

I am now feeling really terrible, ashamed and disgusted with myself. I really thought I was getting better. I am trying so hard to fight this illness. I feel like I convert into the hulk when I am triggered and don't see the destruction I cause in the way. Please help.",5.212051980716829,6.5517391771117195,5.669768392370571,79.55420614127019,68.67302452316075,8.915908614546217,31.55407671347725,9.265573868473778,2.8694519807168315,1526,64,276,30,26,490,200,367,0.231,0.6940000000000001,0.075,-0.9965,2,0,0,0,2,0,36.0,11,1,1,3,19,24,7,5,18,0,29,5,1,11,6,70,59,31,0,5,4,6,4,1,0,3,4,2,1,1,18,32,0,2,8,1,5,6,7,16,0,0,23,7,52,7,39,31,9,47,0,1,1,0,50,13,0,2,26,201,70,2,0.0,0.21414834602186944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021585355849086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448414579248384,0.0,0.0,0.06948927655842964,0.07545552789212295,0.05508897068022935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992529469932809,0.0,0.0,0.1138183833906629,0.0,0.0,0.1033596882199492,0.0,0.09283531743804392,0.0,0.0,0.09475166847093758,0.0,0.10135811302514017,0.07215342874300218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316793729701578,0.0,0.09172407640880444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596888116623279,0.1634904416504862,0.0,0.0,0.0812191084950217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708200261156944,0.06456064778792774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721481577933208,0.0,0.1027191872241305,0.0757984226764912,0.1445549645064319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982853207285988,0.0,0.08095414787095889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172016753526266,0.0,0.09064890197683337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963754566199711,0.0,0.0,0.044150423576745916,0.0,0.0,0.07997497999363508,0.0,0.0,0.09864999132379064,0.0,0.0,0.17102135739712734,0.06032295866040135,0.0,0.0,0.09843988294271916,0.0,0.09103869307295366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213280894036843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671285755426668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890796705149694,0.09441785699800713,0.09919958601828313,0.0,0.0,0.0865498839249268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736808198843406,0.09291584535446684,0.08922988970747603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859629662789606,0.0718661870605795,0.0,0.0,0.07201352631963695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951069446997484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792930015505147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703802695782367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851730535804289,0.0,0.13589462174763325,0.0,0.07898773237666963,0.0,0.10334645382438903,0.0,0.06003809304662128,0.0,0.0,0.07174402087646096,0.10539144003083564,0.10386750647194984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271116941868886,0.1965941380063787,0.0,0.0,0.4348179643101549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660563304484726,0.07173183486920512,0.07248970175406738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154524995619103,0.0,0.0,0.08711386227505702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641965551875543,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,onlyamothercanlove,2019/04/14,"Everything is just an elaborate hoax meant to humiliate me I know it’s a pretty self centered belief but it’s completely taken over my life. I can’t make meaningful connections because I can’t ever wholly believe they have my best interest is mind, or even that they simply like me as a person. 

Within the last few years I’ve taken to actively telling myself (and sometimes, if I’m confident enough, actually acting in accordance with) the opposite of that belief. I’ve found that I end up getting closer to making meaningful connections but because the belief that people are out to humiliate or otherwise hurt me can’t be completely silenced, I end up eventually closing off again and just sending mixed signals.

I’m not sure why I’m telling you all this, to be honest. I just figured that instead of sharing these thoughts with just my notes app I’d share with you. Maybe you can relate.

If you can relate, let me know! It sometimes helps to know that other people fee the same. It makes me feel less batshit.",5.489072550486164,7.119911418848172,6.226002243829472,74.72467277486913,68.31937172774869,9.22677636499626,32.49102468212416,9.606745405546679,3.3287558713537777,815,36,137,18,14,267,116,191,0.073,0.726,0.201,0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,2,1,8,8,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,3,3,39,28,9,0,2,11,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,7,0,0,13,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,5,1,21,7,19,20,6,18,3,1,0,0,14,10,0,4,7,95,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.14623844090267074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270240534332272,0.0,0.0,0.16883709006018804,0.15726527389448688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142436231095922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654569653374684,0.1548419443348373,0.0,0.09897888205329668,0.13555388933281493,0.0,0.0,0.13468146435350115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577200813266045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431004540857366,0.0,0.0,0.07829389716498808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044573138726702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042460767372238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24707183248335204,0.12215314377378116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323854375632293,0.10584816022000948,0.07321237340973714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300091366073658,0.0,0.15055111365612836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131246363072548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077834187382309,0.13084901753513875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245805369382182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563331338176568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964240516429301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123808783710676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26196257653097443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896941457861715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352222879403467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650274796562514
bpd,alt111113,2019/04/14,"Do I ask her out? I (m) just met someone and accidentally really liked her. We've talked a bit, shared what I interpreted as meaningful glances, she mentioned she's single, but we've got to see each other for work every now and then and I'm scared she'll say no, things will get awkward, other people will find out and I'll get depressive again. I'm feeling a bit confident for the first time in ages but terrified I've misread and I'll get rejected. I can't really wait as we only see each other occasionally and I don't want to miss my chance. But maybe I'd be making a move too quickly? What do I do? Help?",0.9072890888638944,3.1606649763779515,3.3714791901012404,87.04797244094487,84.2755905511811,6.778177727784027,20.88245219347581,7.957251820313856,1.0452074240719913,480,15,103,10,14,166,79,127,0.19899999999999998,0.652,0.14800000000000002,-0.8997,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,5,7,0,2,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,22,24,12,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,5,13,2,9,18,5,11,0,3,3,0,13,3,0,0,8,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632105966532464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351737165560847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716590673171944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679210656760122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077340053193233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821589975408059,0.16952671935198613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31238220231934505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594005236963522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358835499106814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736920020115862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303605634317098,0.0,0.2002262847572336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182715968292085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157863469046826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817135243230064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25535674258441105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584934546195634,0.199536706066326,0.0,0.31763679228216113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886847570942964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019190840724642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240781464736115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621496910457482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755385776165235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509469182152168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,longhairgrey0,2019/04/14,"Medication experience needed! Hello, following a recent diagnosis of BPD (finally) I’m being prescribed Depakote and Sertraline. I don’t know the dosages yet but presumably I’ll start small and build up. I’m 18F and use the implant as period control/contraceptive. I experienced migraines with the combined contraceptive pill when I tried that. I also suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Do you think this combination of meds will be suitable for me? What is your experience with this medication combination or each on their own? Thank you :3",5.909032258064514,9.342211569892477,7.069258064516128,60.94388709677422,73.08602150537635,11.031827956989249,35.106451612903236,10.577609850970193,5.348992258064516,448,24,63,17,10,150,72,93,0.127,0.794,0.078,-0.7005,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,1,0,14,15,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,9,1,9,12,2,10,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,6,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331332921970166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579252516295911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27295507021064697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24307330707936786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866632286332212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239934195064728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374094866140588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910530978564818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407304302154815,0.436651305691487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069738105483666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533376250750319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398784699300544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533976764806413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995294488600337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886736707498892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471407116605407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717911447382252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,14rduthie,2019/04/14,"Looking for a BPD buddy I'm a 22-year-old (soon to be 23) girl from Ohio looking for a talking buddy. I've basically pushed out everyone out of my life, so I spend most of my days alone and isolated. 

Let's talk about our mutually shared experiences with BPD and encourage each other to live healthier lives. A virtual cheerleader. 

People who have been medically diagnosed only, get out of here with that self-dignosed BS. Gender doesn't matter. Bonus points if you're from the Cleveland area.",4.542282608695653,6.871401489130437,5.568913043478261,75.61902173913045,72.15217391304348,9.382608695652175,29.97826086956522,9.827888789773867,3.3055173913043485,395,17,69,11,8,130,74,92,0.09300000000000001,0.8220000000000001,0.086,0.0966,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,11,9,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,3,15,6,2,8,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,2,2,40,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063774792347466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879725912530224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124934775502678,0.0,0.0,0.1966239280163872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510983830981684,0.0,0.18949745779693244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121183992877206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980940472141773,0.1368317000029647,0.0,0.0,0.3421204562469703,0.0,0.3253556706869252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515470893053524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203278833235678,0.0,0.0,0.14733444220260006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430256302652938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313007024949726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020944759228526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31141308956566033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475072813403455
bpd,Current_Feeling,2019/04/14,"What do you guys do during those days of feeling empty? It's one of those days today when I feel nothing. I've been in bed all day just watching movies and series, trying to find a reason to laugh, or relate with some character on screen. Just feel something. I have a million things to do, I have to study for upcoming exams, but I just can't get myself motivated enough to do anything. Usually I work best under pressure and stress, and now the pressure and stress are there, I just can't really feel them. I recently got my diagnosis, which was a relief because now I know why I feel the way I do, I just don't know how to deal with it yet. I can't cry or find pleasure in anything on days like this. I just feel dead inside. What is this and how do you guys deal with it? I'm graduating uni in 2 months, and this is really not a good time for me to just give up considering all the exams I have coming up.",4.8047186147186185,4.503293502645505,5.970168350168352,82.86212121212122,69.0,8.98912938912939,27.234728234728237,8.575989854853784,1.6610275132275136,708,19,154,10,11,238,104,189,0.13699999999999998,0.738,0.125,-0.3238,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,3,14,10,0,4,7,0,18,0,0,4,2,38,31,12,1,0,11,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,12,10,0,0,12,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,3,8,20,6,22,28,5,23,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,3,14,110,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109257407406135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081889389978681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097633055076125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571773710254578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756072715094418,0.3465399351239533,0.27698704320001866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880400031806284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075429775617889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555957509814885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701845108809212,0.12886640551894568,0.0,0.11267385318113632,0.10743999856644544,0.0,0.0,0.2660256079089812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147654043232814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562931217187605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722494264528752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288980883241581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102889577311088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211692547173954,0.1381187885973961,0.1326396399457972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341767232174788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077606555471642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924622759080816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833183871955347,0.0,0.12733390501200947,0.0,0.0,0.0912046702197084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479510614300321,0.0,0.0,0.10662889734476033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121647386249085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779750479991604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jackittillithurts,2019/04/14,"I'm in love with my best friend who doesn't feel the same way towards me I worked with this girl for a number of months and we weren't ever all that close. We ended up at this party together at some point and she got very drunk and started cuddling up against me and being really touchy and I thought she might be into me. We became really good friends over the next few months and started hanging out together all the time to the point where multiple friends thought we were dating and would comment on it. Another friend assured me that she seemed into me and that I should absolutely go for it. I definitely fell in love with her over the few months, and one day told her I felt like our friendship was moving in the direction of a relationship and asked if she would be interested in dating. She said maybe, then completely started ignoring me for the next couple of weeks. My BPD ass has never actually asked out a close friend and with putting myself out there unsuccessfully, cue mental break downs and a lot of crying and some of the worst anxiety I've ever experienced. I ended up texting her telling her I'm fine if she just wants to be friends, and she said yeah. 

We've mostly gone back to being friends like we once were, but I can't stop thinking about how much I love this girl. She is so so much of what I want in a partner and every time I see her I remember her saying no and it kills me inside. She owes absolutely nothing to me, if she doesn't want to be in a relationship that's something I completely respect but it still hurts. She's also started commenting lately that she really wants a boyfriend, and keeps on pointing out to me this guy we know who she's very into. I don't know how to handle it sometimes. I absolutely want to still be friends with her, having her in my life is better than not even if it can't be in the context I want it to be, but I know if I saw her with another guy it would absolutely crush me inside and I'm not sure where I'd be with her after that. I don't at all know what to do, I don't know how to let go of her or how to keep being friends with her if she gets into a relationship. Fuck BPD",5.229265734265738,5.168462863636368,6.001363636363639,82.17762237762237,68.0909090909091,9.223776223776225,29.42307692307693,8.950670267944501,2.080288461538462,1700,55,361,27,26,559,183,440,0.076,0.764,0.16,0.9825,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,7,0,0,3,18,27,2,0,17,1,33,8,1,4,8,99,76,36,1,16,13,0,2,2,10,5,1,3,0,5,22,42,1,4,12,1,1,7,12,5,0,1,13,8,66,22,62,46,14,71,0,1,2,6,64,35,2,13,29,265,88,1,0.0,0.0,0.06782266293956105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557968905291708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575509912286744,0.05316784945129139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994755541412692,0.0,0.0,0.05344175248243725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293670253597964,0.061467726071601975,0.0,0.0,0.17506741109904606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574033475406875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769012086758948,0.0763432614549858,0.04482220537700925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311399228486344,0.0,0.0,0.04590456048490812,0.12573473417273234,0.058557341897712036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035141644947209325,0.0,0.06673157641541827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832646537662194,0.06425228228580009,0.0363112500712435,0.0,0.07899770512380143,0.058293894307996,0.055586063173103314,0.0,0.0,0.1376332505975113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440194265136947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355084076911665,0.07689223321424096,0.0,0.19097885062394754,0.0,0.07839982300565246,0.0,0.0,0.0710691801579817,0.04909040365215799,0.06790906815094745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059087014420221635,0.18818130052097395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698228001724317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700403643714507,0.07372926539622947,0.0,0.0,0.16642440008766246,0.07386825091204728,0.1021820307454182,0.0,0.05360322863957434,0.0,0.1478295774672497,0.0,0.0,0.06668780134102294,0.0,0.0,0.07401598306586685,0.04709547671757179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971018938418748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986740521908684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357179477039371,0.0,0.0,0.2238532432793873,0.07873075094252029,0.0,0.1322221728031221,0.05526975054228162,0.0,0.0,0.05538306397139572,0.06327083199420139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350503856658942,0.06873797483637671,0.0,0.19677182819392364,0.0,0.11100670632907328,0.0581057018069065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655035923966095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060746679946704664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453324574846261,0.0,0.11035159367505387,0.08105284053662089,0.0,0.0,0.06641090246205901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146907214277473,0.2459599007175939,0.05516642500901225,0.055749273708572224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050597341330175516,0.0,0.0,0.14811392127562234,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,urbanprimitive,2019/04/14,Trying to get over my feelings I just wanted to share [this article](https://hackspirit.com/trusting-feelings-terrible-advice/).  It’s somewhat painful to read.,11.76086956521739,15.882912260869567,8.390652173913043,55.38858695652178,56.82608695652174,8.078260869565218,46.28260869565217,8.841846274778883,5.251278260869563,134,8,14,2,2,38,20,23,0.132,0.757,0.111,-0.1045,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645302787071675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403635369940069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483634591638851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058317873939739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475502957902409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32274795540145024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803880874291595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LittleFlower42069,2019/04/14,No title Just wrote my suicide note. I am keeping it in my phone case everyday. I am also counting down to the day when it all ends.,0.3945238095238111,2.448587500000002,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,84.71428571428572,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.6601761904761907,102,4,22,1,3,35,24,28,0.218,0.782,0.0,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088176861425407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329690766578208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527839064532051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543905310094998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5591851905370998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bigheadedalien420,2019/04/14,How did you begin to realize you had bpd? Curious because this sub is finally somewhere I’ve found people who seem like they share similar problems to me. Researching bpd more makes me question if maybe this is what’s wrong with me? How did you guys figure out you had bpd and how did you get diagnosed?,2.885480225988701,5.4073335084745775,3.8450000000000015,85.01009887005651,78.32203389830508,8.001129943502825,26.78248587570621,8.841846274778883,2.3857435028248597,243,10,46,6,6,78,43,59,0.08900000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.115,0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,0,14,12,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,9,2,4,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,3,3,30,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024054667510455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.745280832347164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020256240913653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607553660057394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627224498782668,0.0,0.0,0.10305393603058707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953065258691046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636540674575647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316645680037998,0.0,0.19816212243666845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674692356763846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887396918405955,0.0,0.0,0.22096289619654602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956716610250156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156597175083871,0.0,0.0
bpd,bigtittyemogoth,2019/04/14,"I cycle through FPs so fast I get whiplash Currently obsessing over this guy I just met. I've been attracted to him since he started frequenting my workplace a few months ago. I asked him for his name, found him on Facebook and next thing I know we've spent the last week together day and night. Now I am absolutely OBSESSED. He's the only thing on my mind. The first and last thing I think about in the day. I'm constantly checking my phone for messages and I look his pictures up every hour or so. He's been busy the last 3 days and now I'm going absolutely mad. Feeling like he's losing interest even though his last message literally had a bunch of heart emojis. He's visiting his sick grandma and all I can think is that I don't get to see him. I feel uber messed up for it.

This is all in a span of a little over a week. 

Directly before him, I was this obsessed with a long distance friend I've had a crush on for years (he cycles being my FP every few months). I was near suicidal because he didn't text back for 23 hours.

A few weeks ago I was absolutely obsessed with my new coworker. I was idolizing this girl I work with and doing everything possible to be her best friend and freaking out about not hanging out a lot. Currently blowing her off for this new FP. After working so hard to become friends....

I completely dropped the FP I had for her. And before that I dropped the FP... so it's a vicious cycle of developing an obsession for someone, idolizing them, working hard to gain their trust and then completely blowing them off for a new FP. 

TLDR:

My list of FPs in 4 months: Z, S, C, M, J, A. That's so many people. How do I stop!?!?!?!",2.0680616273471344,4.050427513432837,3.7003370245546456,87.78048146364952,78.34328358208955,7.188252286952336,26.030332209918146,8.155646560271837,1.6473610977371211,1287,51,271,24,31,428,174,335,0.122,0.7959999999999999,0.083,-0.8701,2,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,3,7,14,18,2,5,20,0,19,2,1,1,2,31,36,19,1,0,3,0,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,13,15,0,1,6,0,2,3,3,10,0,1,13,6,41,8,40,21,8,59,0,1,2,0,34,17,0,2,38,167,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601216566769096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281377051797976,0.0,0.0,0.07634049805979462,0.0,0.06052040930076377,0.10964739982938143,0.16896061316941252,0.0,0.1041886528752142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818721740427854,0.10728684052703373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920829308737841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557376672453825,0.0,0.1672960349493818,0.0,0.08922682033204019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003983048195158,0.0709259363644289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444785605483253,0.0,0.10885583232106463,0.2301113682934928,0.0,0.10373982090214802,0.0,0.056423338257046214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830320313368736,0.0,0.0,0.1778714723926873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176477499717041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955423875740604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054561910484917424,0.3237071014876801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048503387750276065,0.09950504096746207,0.0,0.08786002830095062,0.08337053014329428,0.1110693707267388,0.0,0.08440464431229806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065474117561418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024490059701473,0.0,0.2377340001372512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287656881926351,0.1055858298764397,0.09316792834194933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550721663380516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882852759556903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192373190049024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911362354824104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212577138795295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411995928087206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027117689206155,0.0,0.0,0.08300285843939922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085966418515618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978724554090942,0.12722974089497233,0.09754248723053292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389102409833692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683193710290952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639333214530285
bpd,TheReal_G,2019/04/14,"BPD help/diagnosis in Toronto? I think I have borderline personality disorder, how do I get treatment?
I am a student at UofT, I'm from another province but I also have an Ontario health card now. I have seen a doctor at school for other mental health issues, and I like him, but it turns out he knows many of my close family friends from home (Jewish community things) and for that reason I don't feel comfortable talking to him about this. 
I know that may be irrational but I really just don't feel comfortable because of that. I feel like because of that he thinks he knows me very well and sometimes can maybe judgement or assuming about stuff. Anyway, I've been feeling like this for awhile but denying it and I think it's starting to ruin some relationships and other aspects of my life. It's getting out of control and I feel like I'm crazy sometimes. 
How do I go about getting help for this? How do I see a doctor for this? And what will it cost me? I'm a full time student and pay my own rent, tuition, etc. so I obviously have next to no money seeing as I live in Toronto. Should I go to CAMH? What is treatment even like?
I feel so lost, I have no idea where to start and I can't take it anymore...

Thank you to anyone who may have anything to contribute at all. I feel like I can barely live with myself anymore and I don't know what to do.",2.317912087912092,4.319928820512821,3.7970051282051287,87.28966153846157,77.64468864468864,6.5658021978021965,25.205714285714286,7.554174236665415,1.2676371868131868,1060,39,217,15,25,350,140,273,0.121,0.7509999999999999,0.128,0.4946,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,2,15,13,0,0,5,0,24,5,0,5,2,47,55,22,0,1,6,0,7,6,1,4,5,0,2,1,22,14,0,1,17,0,5,2,6,2,1,0,3,10,33,11,32,47,5,17,1,2,3,0,12,10,0,5,11,150,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006282945570589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498048695687308,0.0,0.0,0.19857658914066326,0.07000352282169893,0.0,0.0823870409059474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220597218190909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260927554374221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228874788539682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474175356951855,0.20494619363008715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116559445247832,0.0661257567282025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438057309022478,0.0,0.3543520487251817,0.2860919204752133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734947027464897,0.0,0.15691963042521956,0.0,0.11379660268874972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283751970179596,0.0,0.0,0.1342114572384093,0.0,0.1004246369270904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301891960361095,0.0,0.10449522411994204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200848174244953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071498028303931,0.2934700913865507,0.0,0.1768087461999283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092885776386364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150203749128488,0.10058010466742312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089350702102648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064746353474632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741753919784448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413695366672982,0.10293605141384604,0.0,0.10748725145931454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132286403224088,0.1595591800182474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803481632348535,0.0,0.14172541796139035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146090112163994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527486683091915,0.08046954941011067,0.0,0.09217347740877567,0.0,0.0,0.06651270522330968,0.1924511122798952,0.0,0.0,0.05837851793850055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088975955623294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260628861272541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900164203601277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,akdaleo,2019/04/14,"My mind, body, and emotions don’t feel connected I can’t keep myself from zoning out completely at times. It’s like my mind goes too fast and I have to shut my body off to handle the influx of thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I just can’t get myself reconnected. Any tips or comments would be much appreciated <3",5.729918032786884,6.645969491803283,6.026352459016392,79.01854508196723,67.19672131147541,8.722950819672132,30.004098360655732,8.841846274778883,2.2841442622950816,253,9,48,4,4,81,48,61,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,2,0,0,13,11,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641701328471455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536314154670518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531185014992401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715588097189435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24413284144752215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612910792481538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458029259519695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794292635311593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875196342680967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746742894528356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23876510529547015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916561401908188,0.1407707315446082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149392842059602,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angeldarlling,2019/04/14,"Help? Maybe? So my bf and I have been together for almost 3 years. For the first year and a half we were very off and on and had a lot of problems and it caused a lot of heartache for me. Well we’ve been doing a lot better for the last year or so with few problems but my mental health has declined a lot so usually the problems are my fault and I know that. 
He’s very good with helping me figure out my emotions and such, we’re good with communication most times too.
We’ve been living together since November in an apartment with some roommates.

Months ago I found his reddit where he posted about me saying he felt lost and trapped and didn’t know what to do...
I never said anything about it.
Some time passed we were doin great and he asked how i would feel if he went to live with his parents again after summer so he could focus on school more.
I told him that it would make me sad but I know he can never focus on his school here and that environment would be better for him to work on himself. 
Now he’s going to go stay with his mom for a week because his parents arent doing good and she’s alone.
That’s understandable too but I just can’t help feeling like he’s trying to get away and wants to leave !!! I’m so selfish!!!!!!!",1.9265064538043468,3.751182238281253,2.9477445652173917,93.75323369565218,78.1796875,5.545923913043478,20.505434782608692,6.280692351149826,-0.015241304347825668,967,24,215,7,23,308,142,256,0.095,0.7559999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.9493,3,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,5,17,15,0,0,10,0,21,1,0,3,2,58,40,24,0,9,6,3,3,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,8,22,0,0,9,0,0,4,5,7,1,2,13,5,27,8,31,22,9,33,0,2,0,0,31,10,0,10,18,143,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924545967243029,0.0,0.10081502449238673,0.10427261437990576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284986799708667,0.0,0.09412085332155014,0.0,0.09459081153538128,0.0,0.0,0.061372709404731066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808399122729562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342460367780668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038362961079029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324981739874125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181219951428837,0.07192477598953728,0.09666719617302773,0.0,0.0,0.08563712290426276,0.0,0.1103888331430455,0.0,0.0,0.05260038684046065,0.0,0.11443587981321995,0.25333317236570513,0.0,0.11099845642033794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701659034126194,0.0,0.0,0.2024481288615409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659908937553497,0.08206645535525342,0.0,0.10660404724889644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918645389110279,0.0,0.1778020077225155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990252995355183,0.3423732104682234,0.0,0.0,0.06720371367597686,0.0,0.10114513524453596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146029820391032,0.0,0.0,0.11791350055010888,0.08036065780464838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529900825817053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358322977600192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642222044718776,0.0,0.0,0.28900732525203193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576835587710024,0.08006362362616988,0.0,0.20378413444272456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328233665743902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730993822417376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741294387771065,0.0,0.0,0.09620266867911706,0.0,0.06835412650168397,0.0,0.0,0.10480992080985146,0.0,0.0,0.11088319868582233,0.16614069475092633,0.05938281707736536,0.0,0.0807582596961581,0.0,0.09052210714693207,0.093330024184737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329518322404915,0.0,0.0,0.2145574591970656,0.0,0.0,0.19450105530431988
bpd,Goth237,2019/04/14,"God I hate myself I am useless at everything. Everyone is so much better than me at anything I try and do. Like drawing. It looks so fucking simple. Just follow the steps and I can't even fucking do that. I want to throw my laptop across the room because it makes me feel shit about myself. No-one around me understands either. I'm so FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm never going to try again. NEVER. It's pointless because I always fail. I'm a complete failure at everything in my life. And now I'm crying. I HATE MYSELF! I don't want to cry, I feel fucking weak. And I don't want to feel weak because I'm ANGRY!",0.03143058823529188,2.3776432960000022,2.3816470588235283,91.08376470588236,92.04,4.221176470588237,20.95294117647059,5.900188976854957,0.27849176470588244,472,17,94,4,17,160,70,125,0.295,0.6,0.105,-0.9864,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,2,9,14,8,0,3,0,7,9,2,1,2,17,29,7,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,12,0,0,0,4,18,2,13,29,2,16,0,2,1,4,0,8,6,0,5,60,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897474513223845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766424525529535,0.1272867194134022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614864829344392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645836937571953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991676334180934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141240118489425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444006207531534,0.0,0.0,0.13662803182826547,0.25701090151917666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689211889966206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287482954593671,0.0,0.0,0.08126151407279067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823356266412963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099433954359027,0.06985511400071881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007115703844905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544341396313202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511022461212427,0.0,0.22055726867586645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677176505319606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415448447518213,0.0,0.0,0.14885214093270616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530082855214866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jackyboy731,2019/04/14,"New to the community. Potential Borderline here. Alright so I've come from #narcissism after expecting NPD. However the signs seem more clear I may be a Borderline or just underdevelopment in the brain due to still being a teenager. I've only been here onceasking about object constancy. Glad there's a place people can get support for personality disorders, etc. Also a lot of respect to you all for seeking help on an issue like this. If anyone's down for a chat about BPD and share some knowledge on how to cope please hit me up, I'll try to respond my fastest.",3.99858490566038,6.535985650943399,5.353433962264152,75.5609056603774,74.56603773584905,8.768301886792452,29.467924528301893,9.3871,3.0979803773584913,453,20,79,12,10,151,85,106,0.0,0.7859999999999999,0.214,0.9657,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,9,1,5,1,1,1,2,15,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,18,5,5,12,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,6,6,53,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694307681587552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345505190369086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944208670354888,0.2609608525654138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136923891247824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26791679231623833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607115681040684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221334074914668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668883382376167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439916106181814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142065596278358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874001571083816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22577325256276998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779004392886974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620643362358695,0.2041159906090826,0.2442363570177585,0.25660554345441894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128123457911925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668631996659327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652755833892657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587121861113736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beach_space_song,2019/04/14,"I feel fine one second then absolute pure shit the next. It hurts so much that my mood and mind set change from one second to the next so fucking quickly. I don't know how to stay fucking happy for one second without thinking about what I don't have in my life. I feel like a shit show. If my friends don't like my post, I feel like I'm not funny or interesting enough. If my boyfriend makes a small white lie to do his thing instead of hang out, I feel like I'm not worth anyone's time. I feel like I've lost friends for being like this and it sucks so much, I don't know how to handle it anymore.",2.8241085271317843,3.46651962790698,3.6294573643410857,94.57038759689924,73.65116279069767,6.353488372093022,23.635658914728683,5.82211442006289,0.1889751937984494,468,12,112,2,9,149,74,129,0.152,0.6579999999999999,0.191,0.677,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,19,5,0,4,0,7,5,2,3,1,22,22,11,0,2,6,0,5,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,8,1,1,1,7,7,0,6,1,6,14,11,12,20,3,12,0,2,1,2,3,3,5,3,11,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970076449289294,0.09144592992015274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835018843795618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351329357096344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33063695846645985,0.37372321643202905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208395100664808,0.24181200648312154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392200454846532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000501148537342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374891419358407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237531013601147,0.3833613556699008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276418112944006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729811002406429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320527038569152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922798770879638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781766302549526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26586413702860795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525316160276648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684920239544114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939638572560314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688585853232554,0.08379992995222824,0.0,0.0,0.07626013156286097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126069339143693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xbatladyx,2019/04/14,"Healthy Hi :) 19, fm, diagnosed a year or so ago. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. Our relationship is EXTREMELY healthy, almost to the point where I'm like ""shit... this is possible?"" I had been with the same guy previously for 3 years and our relationship was emotionally abusive, and I'll admit there were times where it was mutual. My previous partner had cheated on me several times, even in front of my family as he worked with my godmother. It made my underlying issues with jealousy very exacerbated and I was in a lot of emotional pain from about 3 months into the relationship when I had found out it happened. Fighting, screaming and tear after tear after tear. Every ugly part of my disorder felt like it was almost.. extracted out of every depth it laid in. He would antagonize me and purposefully trigger me, and then gaslight me. He would call me ""psycho"" and ""crazy"", terminology I had specifically asked him not to use when I got diagnosed, and he would do it when I had caught him talking to girls or lying about something. He would let me self-destruct (not that it's necessarily his responsibility, but if I'm in the wrong... let me know dude) and not provide any sort of helpful feedback or let me know when I was wrong in a way that wasn't shouting or screaming or abandoning me. I couldn't help but look through his phone, I couldn't help but accuse him of things, because for a long time I was unaware of my disorder and the fact that there were many things I had to work on in order to achieve healthy relationships. After a year of therapy and a LOT of mindfulness, I really feel as though I can trust and love healthily. I don't look through my current partners phone at all, nor do I have the desire to. We communicate our feelings very well and he validates the right things and lets me know when I'm wrong. I have found an ability to discern between what is real and what is my disorder. Of course, there are very *occasional* times when I feel hurt by something irrational and I hole up, but my partner is understanding and always talks it out with me and never lets either of us go to bed angry. I think that a lot of us feel like failures, because we attract a certain type of person and I would go so far as to say, a person very much like our parents. Invalidating, irrational, uncommunicative and impatient. But I have found a person who has a healthy understanding of relationships, and I am so happy that I can learn from and with him. I just want others to know that it is possible to create healthy relationships as long as you are getting consistent treatment and surround yourself with genuinely good people <3",7.316488095238098,7.206500212301591,7.631587301587302,72.40785714285714,63.742063492063494,11.009523809523811,35.85714285714286,10.608840637214634,3.743707142857143,2113,90,393,48,28,692,232,504,0.129,0.723,0.14800000000000002,0.9217,2,0,2,0,2,0,64.0,8,1,0,3,21,22,3,0,19,0,48,5,1,3,4,96,80,51,0,10,16,1,5,4,3,5,3,4,1,8,23,36,0,1,18,0,0,4,9,11,1,0,24,11,61,11,66,44,8,53,0,2,2,1,51,22,1,12,29,284,84,6,0.0,0.07438596164814099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565212414486262,0.0,0.12573346093596038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052239342841312604,0.0,0.0,0.042693659107891566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869234617533652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765421939768168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410706038475962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744405934864794,0.0,0.0,0.2158595504250416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412417599817634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146667240365805,0.0,0.10579245668193377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918493033944657,0.0,0.12697710757785602,0.04485120674097101,0.060280207216177675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651043993158244,0.0,0.0,0.03280080879472934,0.0,0.07136049064420118,0.05265824991828097,0.05021220217468182,0.0,0.0,0.06216368106011937,0.05551758525296427,0.06683220916413397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262436032225191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720902998590744,0.0,0.0,0.06552770721609631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801256086447386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209923350182667,0.0,0.12268772655731325,0.0,0.0,0.11111952821732002,0.10544150913562228,0.0,0.0,0.16012408207757972,0.05666286935886612,0.059405493288547585,0.0,0.06365071562439781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339154605309805,0.0,0.10022339110408952,0.0,0.04615171945556263,0.0,0.048421060964223266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680407736493045,0.0,0.06971156687339726,0.06798638381573296,0.0,0.0435248750894704,0.16445548480377242,0.0,0.0,0.0593489301552705,0.14155370224220293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145923596272398,0.040219517753096484,0.0,0.0,0.40442383098796814,0.0,0.053615166266996535,0.0,0.04992646951324538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654949289320458,0.07092536822130846,0.06444443772933879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666472710986003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092298701621948,0.0,0.0,0.07179626173593986,0.0,0.12512796955258515,0.04022793145204412,0.06168262958597012,0.0,0.14643388588909267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307157752547264,0.15103713392115029,0.054223168084126735,0.0,0.2072056685848093,0.03703023011132652,0.04983313312152842,0.0,0.0,0.056448222276924184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141154409371777,0.0,0.0,0.2229913319823872,0.2059255598918142,0.0,0.12128792787703767
bpd,Fout99,2019/04/14,"Causes of my BPD Ive been diagnosed by a psychiatrist that i have BPD and i agree and felt it 100%. Now most of my symptoms have calmed down but i want to know what caused/causes this. My father was not present for the most part of my childhood but i NEVER cried or felt bad about it. I simply dont relate much with him as a consequence. My mother on the other hand was EXTREMELY overprotective all my childhood and my symptoms started showing up at 18 (im now 20). 

Does an overprotective parent have anything to do with my BPD? I read a good article talking about it but cant find any more info. Anyone willing to give me more insight is welcome! :)",2.993013986013988,4.80799431538462,4.3590909090909085,84.85954545454545,75.07692307692308,6.881118881118883,26.433566433566433,7.686295010490155,1.4980000000000002,511,19,101,7,11,169,86,130,0.035,0.7859999999999999,0.179,0.9575,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,12,4,1,1,2,22,18,8,0,1,5,3,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,3,17,3,17,12,7,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,7,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034969711628469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641741096027788,0.0,0.12524249118462652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707542683461767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5750481133074627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126898165932305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717769148780634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447345590536524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133185779093261,0.0,0.17836994534056436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29225974059412396,0.0,0.139102333257147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459981161718679,0.0,0.12765289945061015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439537009977348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836417065810883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187992028364832,0.0,0.11738120496123848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689931520786244,0.16481100360738432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223493905088242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772352189423998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163751671685488,0.0,0.12232757387332167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976781887681153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShenequaNeckface,2019/04/14,"Curiosity question from a non-sufferer whom dated pwBPD We we're on-and-off again. She always was the one to end the relationship. She would, seemingly on a dime, decide to just end things. I am not venting or anything but I have just wondered this one question for so long.

After time apart, I would always have her shoot back into my life. She would call me suicidal and want to get back with and I did everytime. 

My question is: What was it like for her on the other end of the line. If you have been through something similar, what lead you there?",1.91,4.431124444444446,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,82.33333333333334,6.192592592592592,22.88888888888889,7.492282038375204,1.0511888888888892,432,15,87,7,12,138,74,108,0.087,0.87,0.043,-0.7684,0,0,1,1,0,0,16.0,1,2,0,1,7,1,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,1,0,22,16,6,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,15,1,13,9,0,15,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,7,11,68,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26493196659949786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100687822143575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448277840093879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625595638926722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230081047803995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317469465915088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244667496854588,0.07777639157231434,0.0,0.0,0.1408857459580328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575417470484448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5350165786009717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091971149155247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492842085091884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255885536219893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413742280377878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576447190664134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282998037334468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938994554049713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264408418127206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33927034053354244,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Teriebella,2019/04/14,"I fucked it. (31fUk) I had a really really bad, Pinot infused, major argument with someone who means more to me then most. Fell into a long distance thing with him. 

Unexpected. I know I should let him go be free, but I can’t. I would move if he asked me. He won’t. I’m a mess. 

On paper, I’m a 8. The two flaws being I smoke and am a brat. I could meet someone new right? Fuck sake! London is amazing to say, yeah I live here: but being actually from London, and not the ‘Sussex’s Cambridge Suffolk essex’ like most on here are, but use the capital as a like giver.

No one in London wants to date. Or wants to date and actually is my type. 

By this point I’m rambling. Fully. But Jesus. I need to vent.  

Be kind. Game of thrones starts again soon. What more do we need?

Bella x",-1.4216666666666669,0.5007779444444473,1.4635802469135832,95.25611111111114,102.88888888888887,4.128395061728395,14.641975308641975,6.037888025583468,-0.5792691358024693,585,14,132,7,27,202,111,162,0.105,0.747,0.14800000000000002,0.8487,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,9,1,16,2,0,1,0,26,31,11,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,1,1,3,4,4,0,2,1,1,16,7,15,21,5,17,1,0,0,2,11,6,2,4,10,83,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.34542832471806034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545931854633136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777707827277434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413100296938852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272439811022181,0.0,0.0,0.10058601267913687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430513161928047,0.09726764118123528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098159801639105,0.0,0.1729341980087857,0.0,0.1562831083427986,0.15662827109604968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279115385140091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810958650458856,0.0,0.26246781486629456,0.0,0.1709355245925007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993123625097317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731029137273312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267653087102465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114626441723827,0.0,0.14074747665406995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29992168319596435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527258592254736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758255787678168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289096321383912,0.0,0.0,0.15286027949574216,0.0,0.0,0.20878349696671653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257267641723575,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rottingmiserablecunt,2019/04/14,"impulsively cut like 50% of my hair off hi ive been debating coming out as a lesbian to my parents & it’s been making me have so many breakdowns. my parents would be supportive of it, i think, but like what if they aren’t? what if they hate me for it??? idk 
anyways, i decided that tonight’s the night. ive been stressing for ages & in my mind i was like ‘hmm well to make urself feel better u should cut ur hair!’ 
ive found out some things tonight-
1. hair is very hard to clean up 
2. don’t cut with blunt scissors 
3. i am NOT a hairdresser hahahah
anyways, it’s fucked. i’m freaking out. it’s uneven, and idk what to do. now not only am i stressed abt coming out to my parents, i’m also stressed abt my ugly fucking haircut lmao 
i’m probably gonna cut a lot tonight. it’s really hard not to rn, but i figured i’d type this instead i guess??? idk what i’m doing 
does anyone have any advice? with either situation? i need help!!",-0.5437300244406842,1.6637442791878172,1.8707839819514973,94.64550291408159,93.51776649746193,4.74592968603121,21.00188005264148,6.42735559955562,0.3341285579996245,721,27,161,9,27,244,117,197,0.193,0.65,0.157,-0.7932,4,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,1,7,17,7,3,4,0,19,5,2,2,0,31,37,8,0,5,8,3,5,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,11,1,0,5,5,21,6,20,28,3,15,0,0,0,3,8,7,2,5,9,92,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504744398209375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023348139098558,0.0,0.2773034343123191,0.0,0.0870216507553518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947719596840148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131760255623315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046372556041904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198440131737657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470373903558471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403087309026838,0.0,0.2366060502692135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409695958253761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22926580986125364,0.12634048760732894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577328951796344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875539959948962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879259542861712,0.0,0.0,0.17083734847717594,0.12973800937035926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920974909959942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948855847388482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008795034459065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973243372815874,0.0,0.0,0.42627517196883696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796959807027193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197865679804647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383977799572625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397557954493907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452149388110615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501529808453956,0.0819958062761348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558581592028203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505730797937118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090377455913652,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chlorotarax,2019/04/14,"I hate how I treat my friends I've mainly used isolation to cope. After my first time in therapy my conclusion was that I am not meant to socialize due to the pain it inflicts in me and I've ended up withdrawing from everyone. I've just cut all ties.

Most people didn't make any effort either to reach out to me or I have brushed them off once and been left alone forever since.  Basically I have ghosted and been ghosted by everyone. And it's a constant pattern in my life, it has happened a few times. I usually can cope with it but I really hate myself for when I do it to my FPs because I probably may be hurting people a lot. :(

Fast forward I got so depressed from actual loneliness (i. e. I enjoy being alone but having zero social interaction makes my life feel not worth living) that I have decided to give it another go. And this time I'm taking more care to consider my ressources and take it a bit slower. Knowing that socializing can be destabilizing helps in my considerations.

Tl;dr  
Now I am trying to make friends again. And it feels antiethical to do so after what I have done. I don't know if I should reach out to past best friends from a few years ago. Or if I should try talking to friends I have ghosted a year ago again. I am currently spending a lot of time with a past fp (heeelp) and feeling so good. But idk I don't want to hurt people anymore. Part of me feels like it's better to start all over and meet new people and have the others remember me as what I did to them and not get hurt again and again because maybe there was an actual reason our friendships did not work out. But then again I am overwhelmed at the idea because I don't even know where to start looking for friends.",3.947703488372092,5.141046875000002,5.075237209302326,83.18371627906977,71.52906976744184,8.410976744186048,28.29488372093023,8.841846274778883,2.112503395348837,1351,50,274,25,25,446,181,344,0.10400000000000001,0.718,0.17800000000000002,0.9844,2,3,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,2,6,15,21,3,1,12,0,33,3,0,6,2,59,60,27,3,5,14,0,4,1,5,3,3,0,0,0,16,17,0,0,14,0,2,2,8,9,0,2,10,6,40,12,40,44,13,45,0,5,1,0,16,14,0,8,32,195,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.16981889132401126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425866081198109,0.0,0.0,0.1802327413926397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916994885948618,0.0912378262112916,0.0,0.0,0.08629078057663135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591219093597428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131188178593673,0.07695348900550722,0.09499264975794587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871274153395163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402716158663076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494179468596818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904168776637071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706524917386151,0.0,0.0,0.057469444802026565,0.0,0.0,0.16628403160731006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597997263997586,0.06216013489129477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401086813542135,0.0,0.0,0.33611948901289856,0.0,0.045459260683869886,0.08346815341946784,0.049449926174455615,0.07298006354575495,0.06959003975953254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694287041357996,0.0,0.0,0.1718092020944214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832113169808693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794387937406901,0.0982239732762746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434556618995943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453688346602647,0.0,0.12291581547434323,0.042508809608807936,0.0,0.07683163855513668,0.0,0.07306668992057172,0.0,0.0,0.14794599394349356,0.0,0.0,0.17424003828259466,0.0,0.0874134839337309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403503475830923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266306894867292,0.0,0.0,0.0925850330911892,0.0,0.0,0.09422361394117997,0.16612224446588644,0.2412877871771316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381175823626617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574098960667514,0.08946102120512396,0.0,0.0,0.09856564353776597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197577204052323,0.0,0.0,0.2660879554409626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317259548430225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308417481587587,0.06993553732892024,0.0,0.0,0.0995037957388994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029454893397012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814848681181518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514891320111887,0.09582948980601058,0.0,0.0513208956019699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334449309583971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206348732991483
bpd,theskyistoo,2019/04/14,"Giving up No longer gonna hope for my bf to msg me. 


I am tired of it. Even if I am overreacting. I am tired of it. Not gonna change my mind even if i am normal tmw morning. I am not changing it. 


I didnt see him today cuz i thought he was busy with chores. He ignored me almost all day. Was just playing games. Than near bedtime he said he was bored... 

Only time u wanna talk to me is when u have nothing better to do? 

It doesnt help i am having the hardest time in my life right now and I have nobody. I was always there for him. Its heartbreaking. Its his spring break. I thought he would wanna see me. And talk to me. But its likr any other year. He rather play games and have alone time unless hes bored/its night time. Just. Fine. I will let him. In return when he wants to chat late at night. I am not gonna be there. No more. No more. 

 It hurts when I want someone. Hes not there. But he wants someone I am always there. It hurts. 


It hurts

I cant control him so i can control myself. He doesnt want me. So i wont be there. 

I am done with fighting it. No more begging for attention. No more waiting. No more trying to even be a good gf. I honestly feel if i ever act out. I wont say sorry. I wont try to stop myself.he would leave me. And thats good.  I just wanna be alone. Its better than being with someone but still feel alone. It shouldnt be like that.",-1.9043649258542847,-0.05196874074073676,0.5418081524464533,102.43318504190846,101.72727272727272,3.066380113188624,13.726556343577617,4.795679373600501,-1.4046672541012968,1032,22,255,4,47,344,137,297,0.142,0.79,0.068,-0.9419,0,3,0,0,2,0,48.0,0,0,0,4,20,17,1,0,2,0,41,3,0,3,2,50,58,17,0,16,15,0,2,1,2,10,3,2,1,0,16,8,0,5,5,5,0,1,18,7,0,0,9,6,42,10,27,32,6,28,0,4,2,0,28,7,0,5,20,173,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971416555843786,0.3094019999253463,0.0,0.0,0.16571571137760166,0.0,0.0,0.0677172577751296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761393867030896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106831394758506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337303769467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422033374546612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190407528535916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731332963093304,0.09007507020295034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007004518359574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552542413958837,0.0,0.16704458499057567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667458259650578,0.0,0.0,0.09890459539009644,0.0,0.0,0.3198047183215684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232965349784006,0.10543997454842396,0.0,0.10182645923761953,0.07033572042526727,0.04864935788316229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005465859460186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868966313230157,0.0975664546884351,0.09554890980595472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573445433733737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504007645686985,0.09472260450534056,0.07918936152290723,0.0,0.0,0.15870342934593254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531193506673494,0.0,0.0,0.11147074042814813,0.0,0.0,0.07952406255421188,0.08325265415137538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007594734249755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810949317525289,0.23226168487237234,0.2289032396711605,0.0943894200714242,0.0,0.0,0.1352154546588646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349375237745839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147638618943892,0.0,0.0,0.06412572771290471
bpd,EarperVi,2019/04/14,"The world doesn’t feel real. I need to get this off my chest and I’m hoping I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’ve been home bound for over a year now. Meaning I’ve maybe stepped outside a total of 10 times in a 365 day period. The problem is, the minute I smell the air or see the sun, I feel like I’m in a dream. I know the world around me is real. I know there’s billions of people walking around and living their lives out there. But I can’t for the life of me look out a window or step outside the door and feel it. When I’ve gone outside because I needed to get the dog that wouldn’t come in or get a package that was left on the porch, it felt like I was suffocating. Like I was being crushed by the universe. The best way I can describe it so that you can picture what I’m talking about is from the movie Insidious. When the main character enters The Further. Everything feels dark, just emptiness, quiet. That’s what the world feels like to me. I can’t feel other people or anything else around me. It’s like everything is fogged over. I’ve just lost connection to everything at this point. I’m tired. Really, really tired. I was sober for over a year. And I felt like I had no control over my life anymore. And alcohol and smoking was/is the ONLY thing I can control at this point. 

I apologize if this doesn’t make sense. My brain just moves too fast for me to compile words together.

Anyway, that’s for listening.",1.4903424897720612,3.5543229389830517,2.857241379310345,92.69576271186443,80.62711864406779,5.967270601987143,22.036820572764462,7.0983637204850245,0.5782682641729981,1117,35,244,14,29,362,145,295,0.071,0.8320000000000001,0.09699999999999999,0.7244,0,1,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,1,4,15,10,0,0,24,0,19,7,2,3,1,47,49,15,0,6,10,0,9,6,0,1,5,2,4,0,18,12,1,3,12,1,0,7,7,2,0,1,10,14,26,8,33,37,3,43,0,1,2,0,5,25,0,6,15,149,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692689489942678,0.0,0.1036253789912805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922630895600434,0.0,0.0,0.08233560673271216,0.26720681161503423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609917600091608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500010467977172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169293315723217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618733699199692,0.0,0.0,0.2244372921939302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645263097031644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358196354279297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697652349818274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541308269837528,0.1429566567425599,0.19213433745811695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682166560737262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036194189500773,0.0993758235281374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997370931182383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870855430734272,0.0,0.1413416659385205,0.2932868782094083,0.0,0.17669836462071933,0.0,0.08401984429857677,0.0,0.1092203488544358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678657038291952,0.0,0.10051731257693662,0.10898772733698883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063411671846625,0.0,0.14837698758435594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609528899585018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872916873481447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916602813486494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573780481927902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277658553449115,0.12819382602092794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972978366569827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041931232550359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647118138697351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583420722697176,0.2299938426608027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883581789011192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886250584569114
bpd,blind4luv,2019/04/14,"Ive hardly left my house in months I’ve hardly left my house in months. I go to an online school, since I could hardly show up for public school. I usually only leave my house to smoke weed or get food. I have absolutely no friends anymore. Over the last 4 years it’s been harder and harder to be friends with me when I act like this. 

Anyways, I’ve hit my last straw. Nothing and no one can save me, and no one really knows how bad it’s gotten for me. I’ve pushed everyone away and I live in solitude. There is no one alive who will miss me besides my parents. I’m ready to end my shit and I’m not scared anymore.",0.7945684086905445,2.7177772061068737,2.3919083969465653,95.86188490898418,82.2824427480916,5.252143276570758,19.237228420434526,6.297961479604792,-0.18197052260716395,478,12,111,4,13,156,81,131,0.14300000000000002,0.716,0.141,0.2088,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,2,0,8,2,1,1,0,12,16,8,0,1,2,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,3,5,4,0,3,2,3,17,4,13,10,0,19,0,1,0,0,5,8,1,1,9,61,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569014705155511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168991246898772,0.0,0.10814521979523299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341254813759296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147177931762387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376354680566268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661816885282778,0.0,0.2001363075390556,0.0,0.06766974895924545,0.0,0.07361017403140416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480780411750821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483519988516805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118174589358164,0.21115496540772166,0.0,0.13714479205737315,0.28145143916981363,0.0,0.0,0.0632777663233109,0.0,0.11437004506759132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676599038459692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427957634443712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633017932740865,0.09850709881291418,0.0,0.0,0.14381853384775262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297492560766635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967382943788322,0.26216577572788685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295217658367092,0.10714169900387957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264986760698165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340773630095212
bpd,FromChernobyl,2019/04/14,"Rumination? Rumination is a really big symptom of mine. I think its what has made my bpd get worse. I think too much about the past, especially in regards to one person. I daydream pretty much all the time about happy memories and bad memories and thinking of things i should have done differently and things i could say if i ever meet them again. i also make up happy moments like jokes i could tell them or what i would have gotten them for christmas. Ive started having weird verbal and facial tics because of the 24/7 ruminating. 

I am just lost because I never really see it get talked about (I dont spend much time on this sub which might be why. Not strong enough to.) anywhere on the internet. I do it constantly though. 

Is it considered common? I feel like it is but I didn’t even know my symptoms had a name. I start DBT in a few days and I am so excited but also terrified because I have always been treatment resistant. I feel so pathetic. I’m too scared to love again. 

Thank you for listening and I hope you have a good week",2.556176470588234,4.8755318725490255,4.005647058823532,84.51141176470588,78.31372549019608,7.413333333333332,23.925490196078428,8.395991825355821,1.6584301960784311,818,28,160,17,20,270,128,204,0.11599999999999999,0.731,0.153,0.7889,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,3,2,15,15,0,1,8,0,24,4,1,2,3,30,44,15,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,3,2,2,0,1,11,6,0,0,6,1,1,0,4,4,0,1,7,5,29,11,16,31,6,20,0,1,1,1,13,6,0,4,16,118,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787854865375346,0.10294540364277367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033014864180213,0.2262566858445064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582169410783644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369795552075786,0.0,0.19756157428161086,0.0,0.0,0.07978951572595702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926163589025147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660907135342164,0.1449995561294622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127836394523966,0.0,0.08171625246673915,0.11191231517046402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511364885180698,0.08838598134437667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292777557114464,0.0,0.0,0.10377092241429277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26340563929525795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288241603547645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799357540314503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088721685132425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350555886832026,0.0,0.1116626213202122,0.11706737015748325,0.08258442381665229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124794577406487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728465058946117,0.0,0.09542091065187043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383624251799075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810525850631708,0.0,0.10802800688503067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586827157255276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851709704647526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983875423569654,0.1238658477537328,0.0,0.0985892554042868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751400756393569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571860339040615,0.0,0.09944188680530948,0.10813720864777937,0.11390525452331612,0.0,0.0,0.16438886392223878,0.23782538690950664,0.1215548063030694,0.0,0.14428488826539124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924115767767272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163854744806576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608180406385838,0.08788752473207716,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rosey-arriaga,2019/04/14,"auditory hallucinations? i’ve been diagnosed with severe major depression with psychotic features and BPD along with a couple other mental disorders. i do have a voice that i hear every once in a while, but i was wondering if anyone else experiences high pitched beeping and hissing that no one else can hear? is that a hallucination or something i shouldn’t be worried about?",7.149999999999999,9.397040060606065,7.794363636363637,62.69154545454549,65.06060606060606,10.734545454545453,35.92727272727272,10.793553405168565,4.688858181818182,308,15,45,9,5,102,52,66,0.165,0.835,0.0,-0.8515,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,11,11,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,4,0,6,7,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047632063577026,0.20584926341692814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25303078514763794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22229577838510733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303779432566366,0.20391271057681956,0.0,0.0,0.2302526889367629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356580038465943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926976989628303,0.0,0.0,0.19652206451479556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528654406222413,0.0,0.0,0.21226546055363169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202463362857502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139555522190802,0.1361373356233338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269636443877045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546652438950991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787115511180136,0.0,0.2040271433368542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,I_Sacrifice_,2019/04/14,"If I found out there was a version of me in some alternate timeline that was happy, healthy, and stable, I’d kill him just so no version of me could be that way Fuck that douchebag pos probably enjoying his timeline where he’s in a frat fucking strangers every weekend and drinking every day like some sickening alcoholic. I’d want to destroy him not even to have his life, just so there could be absolutely no version of me in any universe that gets to be happy, popular, and sexually active. If I have to be a miserable loser in this timeline then there shouldn’t be any timeline where I’m not suicidal.",5.406858974358977,6.549875444444448,6.0487927350427375,77.74447115384619,68.05982905982907,9.26880341880342,35.992521367521356,9.516144504307137,3.536026495726496,485,25,88,10,8,158,69,117,0.212,0.595,0.193,-0.7043,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,12,4,2,3,0,12,5,0,0,0,17,18,8,2,6,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,9,5,12,7,5,11,0,2,0,2,5,7,2,4,4,63,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408958086514254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724596568179655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198910238154027,0.0,0.0,0.12919491033680905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962450574613218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323146758624319,0.0,0.33756975911396225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196491812007972,0.0,0.3703997953258753,0.10466304943527023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265055081652777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216331189452445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149750653481785,0.09787008355593013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598733772139508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912618695062747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815857435088532,0.15901094720112585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fernwehxxx,2019/04/14,Bf cheated Bf cheated so I quit my job. Now my life is a shit show. I shouldn’t have but now I just wish I could get the courage to step off of a bridge.,-3.2533333333333303,-1.7858307777777769,-0.7944444444444443,111.445,106.77777777777777,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.8793,116,3,34,0,6,38,28,36,0.172,0.624,0.204,0.5023,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,3,0,3,0,4,2,1,0,0,5,6,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286636365030107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215066606274896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084924044178401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907557986414656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.437833262673088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225458769166037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733694181008404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,foquitas,2019/04/14,"So all my symptoms finally have a name now. I was diagnosed with BPD today.

​

Also, I finally managed to ruin the best relationship I've ever had. 

​

In the same day. 

​

Yay!

​

I mean I was already fucking it up from the beginning but I just thought I was a difficult asshole that needed some therapy. I did start therapy years ago, but it wasn't the kind I needed. This year I started seeing another therapist. Two months in, bam, ""hey foquitas, you got BPD"". I can't find the words to explain how much I cried on the way home (spoiler: a lot). Also, traveling and crying for 20 minutes, the second I get home and start looking at memes, I'm laughing like nothing happened.

​

When I found out that this is not the way people usually behave, my mind was \*blown\*. I couldn't believe it. No, seriously. It was always hard for me but not for one second I thought that maybe, just \*maybe\*, I had a disorder. Ok maybe like, after a few therapy sessions with the new guy but, before that? No way.

​

Anyway, my relationship is ruined. Obviously. Because I managed to come up with a little story in my head where my partner absolutely hated me and stayed with me just because.

​

So it just gets worse from here on now, yeah? God damn. 

​

I'm just mad. Sorry. I don't even know what to do. Or say. Or write. I don't know. I hate myself. I ruin absolutely everything because I can't control this. It's 2.21 AM here and I'm too exhausted to even do anything bad to myself right now, but I can't sleep either.

​

One of those nights again.

  
If you're reading this, hope you're well. Or at least, better than me.

​

Thanks.",1.557003367003368,4.281300345679013,3.1244107744107765,85.77757575757578,88.75308641975309,5.661503928170595,25.573512906846236,7.1686216300943375,1.5995950617283952,1328,59,241,22,44,435,176,324,0.172,0.695,0.132,-0.9541,0,0,0,0,0,0,108.0,0,1,0,3,24,23,5,0,15,3,21,6,2,2,3,51,49,19,0,5,17,0,1,2,1,0,3,1,2,2,16,10,0,1,8,2,0,2,11,12,1,5,13,4,35,11,28,35,9,41,0,3,2,1,10,13,2,7,24,170,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815997618604738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047505187736304286,0.0688518811315434,0.03581987407363452,0.4664312751244893,0.5230874677130313,0.0,0.04514019838060468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03542532025035513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03594377314749137,0.07872605972182231,0.0,0.03663117802378285,0.0485010174892874,0.045176837606564865,0.038072978106073865,0.0,0.0,0.10843638012730054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708254709749676,0.0,0.0,0.048282652351753705,0.0,0.0,0.0945737058350301,0.02776277817723321,0.0,0.0,0.04369341102900702,0.0,0.0,0.04933741182582144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056866373233816325,0.0389399127580798,0.0,0.0,0.038689295437177716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431524872002607,0.039345629878455635,0.0,0.0,0.0472005551812456,0.0,0.03979772627155508,0.04498222131582415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0344298886821867,0.0,0.0,0.04262487057486701,0.038067724524680886,0.0,0.03856307957426643,0.08500313727548851,0.04418027118477903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636248820319023,0.04275696157866984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482848029119847,0.047316756699662336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04206273161794087,0.043145994815823416,0.0,0.0,0.036149972166046034,0.0,0.0,0.036598370399351585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297442794210305,0.046892532860115035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043466802479744215,0.0,0.03436097252875495,0.0,0.03164566568537682,0.06383996561806393,0.0,0.041576594899645054,0.0,0.04039818399308258,0.0,0.041306281567035016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834167517030101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029844470852388838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306023792852174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243614684798787,0.0,0.0367632592537517,0.0,0.034233965314956226,0.0,0.0,0.03430415141067676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307967754482028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818937023940805,0.0914100372526291,0.04588406740455949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447439663256284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039633356410049635,0.14768943756535494,0.04998272906622593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683515411822227,0.0,0.0,0.04080502823462264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042052215632107336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741193822984896,0.0,0.0,0.10250989710170112,0.0,0.0,0.038705850871479874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387018929194405,0.0,0.0,0.5230874677130313,0.05544375901262635
bpd,fashiongal99,2019/04/14,"Did anyone else swing from too emotional to completely ""shut off""? When I was diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago, I had uncontrollable emotions and I cared about everything too much. But now for the past year or so, it's like I swung to the complete opposite ""rational"" side and I feel nothing—everything is pointless. Did this happen to anyone else?",5.429523809523811,7.517015444444446,5.619238095238099,77.2174285714286,69.15873015873015,10.11936507936508,31.647619047619052,10.355215969177356,3.667910476190477,275,12,48,8,5,87,50,63,0.040999999999999995,0.836,0.124,0.6172,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,8,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,2,8,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,7,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606028400522277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533669116951653,0.3712753288997451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818660222061415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847224416985897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799221292558093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389125476953572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027009514325225,0.4076003950541083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32566114279192604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160874095990564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602145830275702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851412963755917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318624098809426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729543360264907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334462047842824
bpd,942Momo,2019/04/14,"(I know I just posted but I need to ask) relating to abandonment fears and explosive anger. I could spend all my time with my FP but lately he seems to be angry and exploding (because I always want to be together). I understand I am in the wrong and somehow always get my way and get him to stay with me (after reading more about BPD I understand this is wrong and I’m trying to work on it hence this post.) 

Today he lost it and said things that really, really hurt my feelings... he let it all out. About how I’m controlling and all he wants is a night out with his friends etc. He has every right to do so, what doesn’t help is the fact I don’t like his friend (the type to cheat on their girlfriends). 

Today he said, I’m going whether you want me to or not. He invitees me to come; and I rejected as I was extremely hurt from what he said earlier. 

I’m just wondering what I can do to not feel anxious and have obsessive thinking about him being out in a club without me.... 

Any tips? How can I fall asleep without worrying about this?",2.6455299667036627,4.0979535141509436,4.134850166481692,87.6292397336293,75.17924528301887,8.195782463928968,24.734739178690344,8.841846274778883,1.6685257491675909,803,26,174,17,17,267,118,212,0.20800000000000002,0.698,0.094,-0.9871,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,3,10,14,2,2,5,0,18,1,1,3,4,48,43,17,0,5,10,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,11,16,0,2,8,2,1,3,6,11,0,0,5,5,27,3,30,33,5,21,0,5,0,0,22,8,0,4,7,117,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853070209766352,0.0,0.0,0.08112661508353547,0.0,0.0,0.134772590768275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152736673338952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272284969430891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025144027130954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276451692294723,0.0,0.0,0.13380266009347325,0.0952496096517106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330486150572546,0.0,0.0,0.10051356678386016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424322516792608,0.12064113437615027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433841456905287,0.0,0.12465638434944006,0.0,0.06779970583025348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996282054836246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554215881110395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556296728777926,0.0,0.13457314813378446,0.0,0.0,0.12199011352942905,0.0,0.058282893618559775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022767357603926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845782909503487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195293170392052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22850868774686384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193301133732105,0.0,0.15285048898503825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187969471978077,0.34043866487917673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860426363321724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715561336421266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925617710133252,0.07644123222770546,0.0,0.0,0.06956352385777888,0.0,0.2261607868269267,0.0,0.0,0.08099539544174901,0.0,0.0,0.24838649593461426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211094852547392,0.094693064348039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999770132910835,0.1293734073900202,0.08685024084187595,0.12115273690083413,0.0,0.0,0.260866898149703,0.0,0.0
bpd,Originally_Hendrix,2019/04/14,Ways to get better from BPD? I want to get better. I don't want to suffer anymore. I want to become a better person not only for myself but for the people who care about me. I already started taking medication. I started therapy. I wanted to know what else I can do to get better by speeding up the healing process? Anyone with BPD had any success with successfully dealing with it?,2.4168918918918934,4.996719810810814,4.441824324324326,79.69219594594598,80.62162162162161,5.321621621621622,25.466216216216218,6.6274283507984215,1.3498432432432446,302,12,50,3,8,103,49,74,0.0,0.649,0.35100000000000003,0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,6,1,8,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,16,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,7,15,15,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,36,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708864938038689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530680300376423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535746845548866,0.1082783119762202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102533187325006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5478271361294975,0.0,0.0,0.3900692468283149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788513217790234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964884602716964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936159593776494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427162521756465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510433318840159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560002583998849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177743093198416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735705354341687,0.1352135321184675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192145252471052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643179066068728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709034430444945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653502865765584,0.12291679941106627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mackattack0523,2019/04/14,"BPD hi im a female age 14 and I was just diagnosed with bpd back in November, and I'm still not quite sure what the means.. I've looked it up multiple times and I've read through the symptoms and and definitions and I relate to most of it, but I'm struggling to accept that I actually have it, and that I'm actually going through this so young. I've been hospitalized 4 times for my mental health. the first time was last march after my nana died bc I was having suicidal thoughts, the second time was after my brother sexually assaulted me in April for a suicide attempt, the third one was in may for an overdose, it was spontaneous and I didn't really plan on doing it, it just happens. and the fourth one was in July for a suicide note and plan. I've been through a lot of shit so far in my short life and I'm really having trouble getting through it, and id really appreciate if someone could relate to me and make me feel semi-normal.",3.678392857142857,4.82621279166667,5.368988095238095,80.99625000000003,72.125,8.610714285714286,28.29761904761905,9.04235418022936,2.249486904761904,744,28,151,15,14,254,106,192,0.203,0.762,0.035,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,5,6,6,2,1,11,0,16,5,1,1,1,29,28,17,4,2,5,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,11,14,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,5,11,2,12,2,23,15,2,24,0,0,1,0,2,9,1,4,14,102,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.2671952812127705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527000462789933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34484922968511245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930595559313293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895372676567755,0.14208376478651435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922230193406279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644967512191667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152619974992043,0.0,0.07780516541545815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106292613963958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552155368212252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478788003058651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115942682382063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669868182834036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149640926777917,0.0,0.0,0.11639008813398505,0.0,0.0,0.09138385736408557,0.0,0.0,0.14912756969395766,0.0,0.0,0.13796608717024078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553811661177044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561325882032186,0.13694011052633656,0.0,0.26311082254005635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405290264226861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599752068502453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933096264788203,0.0,0.0,0.14312080588513418,0.0,0.4492491906982584,0.0,0.12902951633184606,0.14229470130167912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108685739494477,0.31931710702033994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,walkinglikezombie,2019/04/14,"I become friends with people out of my league just to prove myself that I can. Then I get bored and cut them off. I’ve noticed this in all/most of my friendships. I’ll meet someone and I’ll be in awe at their personality. I’ll deem them to be totally out of my league even though they may not be. 

I’ll build up a friendship and be all giddy and excited about it and slowly this person becomes my FP. 

Then out of nowhere I get bored and realize I’m no longer interested and I just get mad at myself for putting so much energy into this friendship that doesn’t even matter to me. Then the cycle repeats. 

Anyone else experience anything like this?",2.0170111567821465,4.243845404580153,3.4728244274809192,88.11226658837349,79.68702290076334,6.168173810921902,23.054022313564296,7.321109707123232,0.9059684086905458,512,17,105,7,13,168,81,131,0.096,0.74,0.16399999999999998,0.8511,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,7,8,2,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,3,21,11,12,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,16,4,20,6,3,15,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,5,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959415861381567,0.21921023573767967,0.17605714067274006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725672234130546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787222089821674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826151182606225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927764022497414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652920947197503,0.0,0.33532969681027736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452190982614036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572729724355008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24357591198969344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832137482539312,0.3736141467537197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507214947681236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127349874615434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101982465022596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PosadosThanatos,2019/04/14,"Lmao, hearing everyone in my neighborhood partying and shit makes me wanna splatter my brains all over the wall Tfw you just keep getting to think how you’ve mostly been constantly single and almost never went out for the first two years of college and literally all you gained from the loss of your youth was an analytical understanding of how awful the world is and how it’ll all end. 

Like, wtf, I’m 21 and listening to other people my age partying and having fun and I’m still at home fantasizing about dying in some revolution that might never come. Like, maybe I should just fucking kill myself now and get it over with, half of this revolution shit is about my desperate desire to finally fucking die and escape my loneliness anyway, fuck the pussy shit, if I believe my death should be filled with suffering then it’s evil for me not to go get a steak knife right now and stab myself in the throat.",6.350914376321358,7.2279826220930214,6.561670190274843,75.86874207188163,65.80232558139535,9.975475687103597,29.00845665961945,10.018931242160765,2.7452139534883724,729,23,133,16,11,234,115,172,0.243,0.644,0.113,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,0,3,11,13,8,0,8,1,10,8,5,4,5,38,27,15,4,5,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,1,0,6,14,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,10,0,3,3,2,15,3,23,19,6,27,0,2,0,3,5,10,6,5,15,94,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292316894933718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080748601362882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933353945025824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294899122575202,0.0,0.15424009104667882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962617716889207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264161424054034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638433694018384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635340065564005,0.0,0.12140580282361978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958539001084377,0.22371111884520872,0.0,0.08111657298484319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086673579357774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316951821582022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268647079922228,0.15790925667311131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946103559252213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527317750599627,0.0,0.14339115946006692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514136474789871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016387444932067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895079686193577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189037682701913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395299322648829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398411614157565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145542325175066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942616932924798,0.14858664266459892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231185412853042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191324186070092
bpd,WannaSeeTheWorldBurn,2019/04/14,I am really struggling... Every thing is falling apart. And I cant seem to get my head above water. I'm so overwhelmed and I feel like I am drowning. Can anyone please give me some encouraging words or some thing? My family is all to busy for me. I have no close friends. My husband doesnt seem to even care ever anymore about anything but weed or his friends or his sister. I'm losing it slowly and my reasons for continuing just keep getting less. My kids are my only solid anymore. But I cant lean on them. I try to shield them from most of it,0.8345673076923069,3.1818900803571464,2.625357142857144,91.5850274725275,85.69642857142857,4.874725274725276,21.115384615384613,6.297961479604792,0.2793315934065932,427,14,89,4,13,141,75,112,0.055999999999999994,0.792,0.152,0.8320000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,5,8,0,2,0,0,10,2,1,1,2,21,20,9,1,0,6,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,19,5,10,20,5,6,0,2,0,0,11,3,0,8,3,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790774703877082,0.13363487843312846,0.0,0.15727468778926612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485860150485254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623232525282088,0.17287811594326707,0.16102603641751034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017002434985585,0.0,0.09663553050145617,0.13653548233130738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953161966819069,0.0,0.1997036233834186,0.18333880076612594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961432757114334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987538658990206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933711104941814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381332248460316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453546441688083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979131697320047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243575267140568,0.1965022067833948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34797519718915143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979911988018065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539419994452155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975728464695166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayfortheparty,2019/04/14,"Lost my FP due to borderline rage. Could I ever get him back? Agh. This is a long and painful story but, basically I had a FP. I love him. Like a lot. And I split on him very hard after he rejected me basically telling me to leave him alone. So then I uhh, may have **harassed, stalked, leaked his photos and other information, humiliated him by any means possible oh and told him to end it.** Yikes. That was horrifying to write. I think I kinda broke the guy. I loved him a lot. So when he hurt me I wanted to make him feel the same pain. That was wrong. He didn't want to speak to me before when I was 100% nice to him and I'm sure he wouldn't wanna speak to me now, right? There's no chance we could ever be friends again? What am I saying? He was such a terrible person. I'm so sorry everyone. I'm just depressed without a FP. I wonder if anyone would ever be a compassionate friend and able to understand borderline rage and the other things BPD sufferers go through.",0.3709090909090911,2.7355912020202027,2.5765777777777785,90.6962,89.0,5.99628282828283,19.03111111111111,7.404127859558343,0.5500320808080805,750,22,164,14,25,253,122,198,0.27899999999999997,0.575,0.146,-0.9836,0,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,1,14,21,3,0,10,0,16,4,0,1,4,36,33,15,0,8,4,0,2,1,2,3,2,3,0,2,8,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,8,5,29,8,16,18,3,16,0,6,0,2,30,2,0,6,14,107,37,0,0.1346942998486368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950267296776026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159674276142464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418138625262994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357160240065706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461492846723965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964275546186067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215084876508412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601200309013987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929917027960375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655161168218667,0.0,0.1287061757027827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681054851143503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812896387879912,0.0,0.07037221236870164,0.0,0.07654987463533837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133368533457806,0.0,0.0,0.12065963600764865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419303380173684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262181521813205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580483123415988,0.0,0.0,0.11920021678361335,0.0,0.0,0.14703473952020105,0.2290245540351334,0.2431337288599336,0.0,0.0899094910673445,0.0,0.0,0.14672157952223958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866484633863951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176098672264905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184758488889666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502819611358495,0.0,0.10711431347297068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507792410957988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694778356577835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772875495929334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948490774241608,0.08630666862555272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287061757027827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022151639204702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113690370336286,0.15889237571939954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984049847678686,0.14607022251169527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568296604421388,0.1472670722190558,0.0,0.0
bpd,anotherthrowaway1785,2019/10/13,"No one gets how hard it is to work when you have bpd and undiagnosed, physical, chronic health issues I have an undiagn physical health condition. They are thinking it's auto immune related. It's NOT fibro or CF.

But I come home from a 6 hour shift so tired that I can't do anything. At BEST I might be able to focus on a TV show, but usually that's outside of my capability. Obviously, not being able to socialize or have hobbies or even watch TV fucks with my identity hardcore. And this just gets worse the longer I work, BC I just create a larger and larger fatigue/pain/etc debt, especially BC I the more I push myself physically, the more I get flare ups, but lmao, I don't qualify for disablity.

All I become is work. I wake up, get ready for work, and work, and come home and sleep. Any time off is spent  either too tired to do anything, or catching up on housework. I'm am feeling so bad that I am shaking.

My partner brought me art supplies and I just can't use them. I could FORCE myself, but the physical and mental fatigue would make it unenjoyable, but i would be working far below my ability. Like, I tried to mop the floors after my last shift, and I turned the shower on, on me, fully clothed, twice.

And there is just.. no solution. I don't see how I have any quality of life, and what's the point of living if you don't ... Actually have a life? No, scanning items at a checkout and fixing up shelves is Not A Life, but I can afford to not work.",3.699368845843424,4.695528725423731,5.248571428571432,82.4532768361582,71.91525423728814,8.466505246166262,28.284907183212272,8.841846274778883,2.0928805488297018,1134,42,235,21,21,384,161,295,0.127,0.784,0.08900000000000001,-0.91,3,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,2,2,8,13,6,1,1,14,0,28,13,2,4,2,47,44,28,0,4,20,0,2,1,1,3,10,0,4,1,9,15,0,0,2,4,2,6,12,4,0,2,2,5,34,2,26,35,6,27,0,1,3,1,6,15,1,6,7,161,43,8,0.21215524463698127,0.0,0.10351645750186544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427284146647845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458568953786785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857038377069536,0.0,0.11715439975525267,0.0,0.0,0.1113219201540364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360105188692914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182752957745584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469434980662782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830458923822075,0.07006326909948013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363603312015549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806705252141096,0.2216847178760341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502471382893822,0.0,0.0,0.22551110422261306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128090084522072,0.0,0.10446509027389338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071747786900524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646742018122093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477728519461707,0.05182416807714579,0.0,0.0936684839393595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080763660382917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690129357399973,0.11253159397226616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188094219345269,0.0,0.1128740691753388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027764040859344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453013107177748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615423030870204,0.10813277728372524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797025715502959,0.0,0.0,0.061854714627553486,0.24384124441295324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201974243625094,0.11538199212646252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161700702488426,0.11682951445021865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405804069837182,0.0,0.10810215960735113,0.15070899875877425,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flyaway8761,2019/10/13,"DAE feel like they have some other mental issue/disorder or is it an identity crisis? Lately I've been listening to podcasts of people with autism talk about their autism. I relate to it in some ways. I have problems functioning as an adult, especially socially. Another separate issue is the fact I don't know who I am in a nutshell. If someone said to describe yourself, I'd laugh and have a hard time telling them. 
Part of the issue was that a lot of my childhood I was depressed, and it kept me from expressing myself and developing interests.
Right now I'm sort of spiralling. I've been reading about autistic symptoms, although I am familiar- my sister has high functioning autism. Some I relate to, and some I have a harder time relating to. I was thinking about going to the doctor to be tested, but part of me thinks I'm crazy instead and it may be a total waste of time and look like just a cry for help. I asked my mom if she thought I could be on the spectrum, she says not really and that she hadn't noticed any symptoms while I was growing up.
Can anyone else relate to any of this or do I have the totally wrong subreddit?",4.180034291743603,5.726737892376683,5.241577420205754,80.84704563439728,71.42152466367713,8.2963861777895,29.709575309944604,8.841846274778883,2.4818580321814823,902,37,168,17,17,297,131,223,0.107,0.8270000000000001,0.065,-0.882,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,0,6,7,0,0,13,0,25,3,0,0,3,33,38,15,0,4,7,2,2,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,9,8,0,1,5,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,10,6,25,4,26,23,9,16,0,1,1,0,19,6,0,11,9,125,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906850794734174,0.1470145950556519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803288076125052,0.14365407781191858,0.0,0.0,0.1310704555288008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111940325425549,0.0,0.1540059145179043,0.0,0.0,0.12075624832387652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606842654857182,0.1435032477850012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712123765317935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089062039810215,0.1001607276184472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968033845122183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255939435601948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397481193738116,0.14813168860067216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29267006668684725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705165323926164,0.0,0.15815457985308293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699176515810665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773482859897776,0.0,0.0,0.11919519180202053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129119142430946,0.0,0.0,0.16420352859847762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962152906011387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30365139160950977,0.0,0.09719879296984556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341549027487442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402404878393635,0.0,0.08981734172457152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973220911759434,0.13336472829429616,0.1114946927235924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291884058316928,0.11879316313167347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29144825793997176,0.0,0.11268949653184734,0.12254320578948374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179672262023714,0.0,0.11130516157248196,0.2452596979723537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128625594815306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328947582257554,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaythoughts89,2019/10/13,"When you handle life like a healthy adult My ex contacted me a few days ago. I didn’t respond but ever since he contacted the past few days have been rough. My heart felt raw. I was very down. 



Then today I took a step back and realized this is my first time being broken up with at 30 and I’ve actually been handling it. I didn’t jump into another relationship. I didn’t start drinking or doing drugs. Some days really suck but it doesn’t send me into a downward spiral. The fact I was able to not respond is a trump in and of itself. I was so codependent on him. I’m getting better and I feel myself beating BP :)",0.9443757030371174,3.206963015748037,3.1856524184476966,88.38025590551182,84.1968503937008,6.148256467941509,20.88245219347581,7.447530270364453,0.8177271091113605,481,15,100,8,14,164,90,127,0.099,0.81,0.091,-0.4569,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,4,3,1,0,7,0,14,4,1,0,2,17,21,10,0,0,4,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,1,0,4,5,1,0,1,10,3,16,2,10,10,3,25,0,0,0,0,11,8,1,2,14,68,20,0,0.2075856956950396,0.0,0.20257369440175532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840121942294881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176717016664843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962058648919156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359267856963468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016268017615125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335495308140636,0.2407335029096585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187773146261528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496156499568203,0.0,0.19931482165143974,0.0,0.0,0.1765722867129989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845495821702993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24599004888477802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662391590776766,0.10141588535809147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816403535198449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298471219777028,0.0,0.0,0.22286935039855515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171703261032645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693022385066118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104488851972164,0.0,0.1967669671605964,0.0,0.2306353459854896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712799390811689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blackkitten69,2019/10/13,Curious I'm not diagnosed with bpd but I relate to so many of these posts. I looked up the symptoms and I match nearly every of them. Should I ask my doctor if I possibly have this?,-0.02947368421052232,2.2782076315789475,2.5897894736842098,90.03152631578949,91.10526315789473,6.197894736842105,18.12631578947369,7.554174236665415,0.7070357894736845,142,4,30,3,5,49,32,38,0.0,0.9490000000000001,0.051,0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,6,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,23,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920106310956231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934013613137333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170346955343309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197095316477471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26317334417472465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623003136932567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31667988844138023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35213438053901913,0.29915063931935104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246574118836044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,irobeth,2019/10/13,"a parable You're in a closed room. You've got a microphone, and a speaker that's not making any noise yet, but the speaker/microphone system is tuned so sensitively that any sound, no matter how loud, could push it into a screaming feedback loop. 

It doesn't matter what causes a feedback loop once it starts, they all trend toward at the same sound. 

Nobody enjoys it when it happens. The scream is ugly and uncontrollable. Until this loop is broken, the output is fully out of your control. It'll get louder and louder, more distorted, further from the original input. Deafening. Paralyzing

Someone should stop it and it's not like nobody hears, but who gets closer to a noise like that? And how can they stop it? This is your room and your equipment! You figure it out! 

And when it's finally interrupted? Back to your ""regular silence""? No way. Not without some contrition. Your ears are ringing now. Everyone's ears are ringing now. Your hearing might be damaged, even. 

And now you're the person responsible for that awful noise. Why even have a room like this? Who the fuck sold this busted equipment without teaching you how to operate it? Where is everyone else getting their sound engineering experience? 

*How do they make it seem so effortless?*",3.3102234109502864,6.374383696035245,3.998217432347389,80.8370870044053,82.08370044052862,6.590874764002519,25.7282882315922,7.83500028581142,2.0231134046570167,997,40,164,19,28,316,129,227,0.237,0.7140000000000001,0.049,-0.9943,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,8,4,1,17,9,1,1,15,1,17,3,2,9,1,40,30,19,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,3,0,13,3,1,24,12,0,3,2,0,1,1,8,5,0,0,2,13,12,4,15,23,4,29,0,1,0,1,17,13,1,3,16,117,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213938903991406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095405597524116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159051781808048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642542106592732,0.12559131841944568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140403689073765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779044550363895,0.0,0.0,0.3006139447392549,0.0,0.15386966685977413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231455458519238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542139408111027,0.2465484066091314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580724778238422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909994586377802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545772565176921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305466283049621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099980566718748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668705324863674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751945703415067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734836706227654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320008980135338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327985174427584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113378099340023,0.0,0.0,0.26301982934197066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485748592707273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419388604430602,0.0,0.0,0.3032633377605223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yellowcleo,2019/10/13,I think I’m falling into a psychosis Nothing feels real and my mind is foggy and I’m screaming and punching and avoiding family and I wanna tear my skin off,2.596145833333331,4.761047156250001,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,77.4375,5.5166666666666675,29.416666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.7990916666666659,127,6,21,1,3,44,23,32,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.6808,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,12,5,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307043049372052,0.0,0.2310114523603941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613169539121187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383871576203647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200276553532658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927492379519833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pepperedpuppy,2019/10/13,DAE feel suicidal but... you can't talk to anyone because you're scared they will report you and fuck your life up even more?,3.4716000000000022,5.116423560000001,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,73.4,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.2798000000000003,99,2,21,1,2,30,23,25,0.353,0.647,0.0,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915744444482226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541978899372932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754230073656748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084653535282694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855075972915887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29453776408811033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41748738186590106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561277349555958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351669061571722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,penelelle,2019/10/13,"Relationship wise Okay so obviously, I’ve got bpd, probably wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. But I’ve found it so hard to maintain relationships, romantic and friend wise. I get scared they’re gonna leave me so I tend to get clingy and the clingy gets annoying so they end up leaving anyways and I’m just left in this state of repetition, and i can’t stop.",0.8203500761035016,3.2653941095890424,2.7678538812785405,89.66523592085238,87.35616438356163,7.080060882800609,21.80974124809741,8.167268648758528,1.2913147640791478,282,10,63,7,9,94,53,73,0.14300000000000002,0.672,0.185,0.629,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,11,12,10,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,6,4,5,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27348494808937296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923249083180439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380869108389313,0.1677647204188605,0.0,0.3403459368634616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736696910744641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451814608996504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598477503522057,0.23592731665939945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341176859266404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662622413737143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739877195490045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154189569145915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CapableCry,2019/10/13,"Need to get some stuff off my chest  

So I'm a 20 year old boy living with my family (parents and two older sisters) and my father's in the hospital right now because of his mitral valve and normally I wouldn't really care if he died but lately I've been un-splitting on his because of this conversation we had. You see I'm back home because I can't go back to college because not only was it a university and a major I was forced into because of my shitty grades (I developed ADD in high school) but also because I was bullied and at some point (well, two occasions actually) molested by my roommates and now I'm here, back with the family who don't know jack shit about me all I want to do is to recover and maybe empower myself a bit but all they can think of is my education and my future financial situation. A couple of weeks ago my father probed me until I told him about the bullying and the ""touching"" and even though he did give me a lot of victim blaming he was relatively supportive which made me see him in a new light. He is doing better than he has done in years now because he's finally being treated for the crap that has been there all along but he is still technically in the CCU and just the words associated with his situation right now makes me feel like I should be more worried or something. And I felt kinda guilty not wanting to visit him the past few days (I did go every time but I never really wanted to).

And yesterday I showered and shaved early in the morning and got dressed and went flea marketing (the place is a parking lot but they rent it out to flea market salesfolk on Fridays) because that's one of my favorite places in the city but I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before and my mind was all over the place and I ended up spending none of the money I got from the ATM for shopping there and the whole time all I could think every time I saw a pretty girl was how ugly I must be looking with the hair I've been growing out for seven months (it's too long for any hairdo that goes with my face shape but way too short for a ponytail or any other long hair style) and the nose that I'm supposed to be saving money for a nose job for now that I don't have insurance (My insurance works if I have a certificate from the university and last year when I asked for one the shitheads gave me one that was only good for a month) and how I probably stink because on my way to the subway station I played with a stray kitten that didn't smell so good and on the subway all I could feel was how in everyone's mind I look like some worthless faggot (I live near a military base and soldiers are real assholes)

And the sites I used to download pirated movies and TV shows from all got purged last week and without those I really can't do much living. And I know I shouldn't be doing that anyway but where I live, piracy is the only option for me or anyone else really. Right now the only kind of entertainment and stimulation I have is tumblr porn. I scroll through the captions and I double tap some and I reblog some and I message a bunch of people and then it's time to get out of my room and eat something and wait for new posts in my feed. I'm mostly into gentle femdom mostly because of the stuff girls like that write about their way of love (cuddling with a boy, playing with his hair, rough kisses, nibbling on fingers, pegging, saying stuff like ""You're mine"" or ""You look so cute in my panties"") and because my behavior (on my better days) is mostly made up of what they say makes a boy cute. And there's this one guy I've been chatting with, he's older (married with three teenage kids, he does this as a way to explore his bisexuality without having to do anything in real life that could ruin things) ex-military (British) but a total pacifist and I love talking to him but he called me smart a few times (I'm always trying to prove my intelligence to everyone, mostly to myself) but now I think I may be looking myself super dumb in front of him and every time that it takes too long for him to reply I just start feeling like he doesn't like me anymore and that just feels awful.

And I get hurt by everything because everything makes me feel like a failure. I've been learning Italian on DuoLingo but the phone I did it on has this battery problem that I can't fix I haven't been able to charge it in three days and every time I look at the Recorder Flute I'm supposed to be playing every day (I want to learn as much as I possibly can about music but I keep feeling like I'm too old to learn anything well without any real teachers) and the pencils and the paper that I should be practicing my drawing on (my obsession with drawing is just like the music thing) but I keep procrastinating on those and there's the fact that I've basically given up on exercising when doing pull ups started to hurt the cuts on my thigh and now my newest cuts are close to fading into scars but I keep wanting to add more. And I'm supposed to be working but for what I want to do I need a PO Box and a Craigslist account but my social anxiety wouldn't let going to the Post Office be an enjoyable experience and I am evidently too stupid to be able to navigate Craigslist's sign up page. Everything makes me feel awful, I get triggered when anyone says something mean about Taylor Swift or the Captain Marvel movie, imagine what kind of conversations I can have as a 20 year old dude.

And every time I look at my hands I just hate myself. I wash my hands with soap every time I touch something that I don't think is squeaky clean and the skin on my hands and forearms is so dry it's coming off the bases of my fingers like a white powder and I forget to moisturize every night and every time that I don't forget I wake up the next morning angry that it didn't give me baby soft hands overnight. Seriously, I don't even need to cut for self harm anymore I can just make my forearm bleed with a scratch and then blame it on an alley cat if anybody asks. But the skin on my feet is so thick and rough whenever I feel like taking care of myself I basically shave dead skin cells off my heels with a safety blade but then I forget to moisturize those too.

And I'm never getting decent sleep and I'm up all night and I'm in bed til noon and I hate sleeping in the light but that's just what my brain has gotten used to. I hate my brain. And I have crazy dreams all the time and the shit I see in those dreams affects how I see the world in my waking life and I hate that.

And my room is a mess , I haven't made my bed in over two months now and I've been meaning to vacuum the carpet for even longer but I never have enough time and I can't vacuum now anyway because my desk chair is by my bed because my desk is a mess with a load of stuff I see as dirty on it and I'd have to clean the desk up first and there's a huge trash bag on the floor because I emptied my trash can in it two weeks ago and I haven't taken it out yet (it's all recycling stuff so it doesn't smell). My closet is basically unusable.

And my family see me as a lazy slacker who sleeps too much and doesn't do anyone any good. They want to send me back to the university because they think me having a tine studio apartment of my own would solve all my problems because they think the only thing wrong with the previous arrangement was the rapist roommates. But I don't want to go back to that shithole, I don't want to ever go back to that entire province if I don't have something important to do there and I don't ever want to live there again but they don't see that. They don't understand anything. They don't know me. I haven't even told them about my mental heath issues because I know they're all bigoted assholes who would blame me for making them lose face in front of everyone if I turned out to be ""crazy"". Crazy is an insult they throw around all the time, including at overly cheerful pop singers and TV chefs. I want to move out but I don't have any money, the fact that the only outlet I have that doesn't cause bloodloss is Flea Market shopping doesn't help, neither does the fact that the only place I feel comfortable in is this ridiculously expensive neighborhood that I've been living in since age 6. And I think I explained my work situation a bit earlier.

If you read the whole thing, please let me know. I know nobody would care enough but if anybody proves me wrong in that maybe that would make me feel better.",4.58900357118581,5.0856363650609415,5.379860394346757,84.13895478763733,69.5629715612304,8.135880744354337,27.36233679994563,8.069049310386614,1.5690773153885167,6679,204,1380,83,111,2178,573,1723,0.134,0.76,0.107,-0.9965,5,0,5,0,0,0,97.0,1,3,13,9,74,73,17,1,95,2,131,46,33,20,25,293,256,138,2,37,50,4,30,11,0,11,5,3,15,8,71,106,2,4,35,14,10,16,42,32,2,12,41,55,195,41,194,187,45,203,0,5,15,6,82,90,4,26,102,926,266,21,0.06074523454930375,0.0,0.02963929315734555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053846985270235036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02428897106121472,0.025272450672150903,0.0,0.0,0.1239265276091331,0.0,0.02323496908159941,0.0,0.060242949941466936,0.06371172059088971,0.031120335667733014,0.07498222830698584,0.027038068743241668,0.05678859429969532,0.0,0.0,0.14012800736657496,0.0,0.3332675804793553,0.0,0.02584486025176293,0.0,0.0,0.08058633532460119,0.06631806325002698,0.0,0.0,0.06781177141225894,0.031013838099608986,0.0,0.0929007226210117,0.031201044463549113,0.0,0.026163320406785245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275019035434564,0.033606723317988946,0.0,0.07835130191286031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03152198151323905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315856410900758,0.03108173261945133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03107877000418398,0.025372424403847092,0.0,0.026901123834919285,0.06276606551417095,0.0,0.08024330903572734,0.054947542380155416,0.2303121601272222,0.08706701218754538,0.08189084990636898,0.029710247742928683,0.08589780141848168,0.0,0.15357307889102906,0.10849101924873593,0.029162475646096905,0.033271717622577475,0.0,0.02583493273796016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934219471228536,0.058272364145439536,0.08630729167212213,0.07642533105273526,0.07287526987779172,0.0,0.0,0.030073666277990914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994668598536933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020358125131904502,0.0320903377230726,0.030466211558318294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650290299478537,0.0,0.0,0.03170112138103478,0.030140136073364063,0.08098973331353101,0.0,0.06325681405455864,0.1001519768495139,0.04951547371613639,0.034261635223896685,0.0,0.0,0.06211611794222064,0.042906155612183465,0.1632237928226081,0.0,0.16091746503396867,0.08063643155261997,0.15303209382946786,0.033979189715718686,0.0,0.05164342614367385,0.0548249458330473,0.08621791453331504,0.14191770514647922,0.0,0.061026752819235565,0.066169368499917,0.0,0.0,0.03060845449702661,0.0,0.061335370374963484,0.0,0.07272940001086776,0.03228128547169512,0.06698210524501003,0.06756273257735487,0.07027570456401991,0.05866812605523297,0.03230162304142268,0.08550793144422092,0.02975871621190645,0.0,0.0,0.09561285781676447,0.0,0.08232508605926976,0.16169820855947226,0.0,0.0,0.033725197126580335,0.0,0.028994099921935176,0.021056548549080702,0.0,0.1269316822798129,0.033340013041779415,0.028711940622037038,0.034240562407566094,0.058177143164483025,0.030899870921333027,0.03274681847575545,0.058124985640562364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03038083653623597,0.10371206361210167,0.07782990544582348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781414759817408,0.0,0.07246057297318996,0.0,0.030738710198595167,0.16942130528317925,0.0,0.0316852638391568,0.0,0.06235411033238381,0.02512454287155869,0.10242028313846184,0.1215782080624348,0.03096105839762273,0.0,0.11691162324925422,0.0,0.0,0.04299578966800357,0.0,0.024255611389446152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384690097229433,0.0,0.034466486151476204,0.0,0.0,0.04567285654336027,0.024412359271070855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071286929802303,0.13623082729944144,0.0298409422621446,0.0,0.2302367259785779,0.0,0.0,0.058044674791696914,0.0,0.020621013418529063,0.033036685878215365,0.1186785350537388,0.03161896573079125,0.0,0.0524643789971309,0.0,0.0,0.19706012255565356,0.09643347945461343,0.07308924458908142,0.0,0.05461726106921797,0.028155720503833668,0.0,0.06781988503690872,0.0,0.08783435761016826,0.0,0.0663348813362173,0.0308448671643361,0.0,0.08630334351580451,0.0664153780329876,0.0,0.07823587887801008
bpd,MarshmallowCheeks,2019/10/13,"Fking wanna stab my self I hate myself. Why tf was I ever born. I’m never gonna be 100% sane ever. I can pretend as long as I want but I know ima always somehow revert back to this state. I wanna cut myself so badly. I’m doing my best to stay put, I can feel shit hitting the fan real soon. WHY TF WAS I EVER BORN?",-2.424109589041094,-0.6839308767123278,1.804945205479452,95.12413013698631,97.4931506849315,2.92,11.409589041095893,3.1291,-1.6299194520547944,238,3,56,0,10,90,50,73,0.22899999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.125,-0.8014,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,4,12,14,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,12,1,6,9,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,9,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524064888636026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194263110601956,0.17584679713954673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210174809809111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.57151420174815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064884697786598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20792933139451314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574327606793733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863792418666277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243194652950355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171669910053367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397151686435079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197074698983592,0.0,0.2161835212803416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447744313648915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422058165686226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800774158585377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abc_bpd,2019/10/13,"DAE have a chronic skin picking disorder or other ""body focused repetitive behavior"" like trichotillomania? I've done this forever and know it's linked to anxiety in a general way, but I was wondering if it is also common with other pwBPD.",10.569767441860467,9.350743302325583,11.455465116279068,51.226453488372144,57.83720930232558,16.041860465116287,47.08139534883721,14.554592549557764,7.50840465116279,194,11,28,8,2,68,39,43,0.114,0.8,0.086,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,2,1,0,10,6,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987341676962436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857708188850887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149386837893917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281297886375754,0.0,0.0,0.3822794922530002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529768683812327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250155136515675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29651292298799864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051076754802101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kayxinfinity,2019/10/13,"Any FREE online crisis resources with chatroom? I don't want to call a hotline. Is there anything that is literally free for one session, with one-on-one PROFESSIONAL counseling or something? I'm going through a lot and need someone to talk to.

**disregard needs ""flair"" :/*

It's not letting my post just this and that's extremely frustrating because I'm at the point of frustration where it is difficult to articulate my thoughts. I just need assistance like... yesterday.

This is so frustrating blah blah blah, can this be enough to suffice? THAT WOULD BE GREAT CMON WHAT THE HECK",3.0505128205128216,6.164981230769232,3.5659230769230774,81.84574358974359,87.65384615384615,7.773333333333332,30.01025641025641,8.447377352677275,3.212137948717949,464,24,79,13,15,145,73,104,0.195,0.701,0.10400000000000001,-0.7729,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,16,18,4,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,4,6,11,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,50,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518635145274698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877922130031577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391108663868895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330215074405012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357954400104669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969343003566186,0.0,0.0,0.2515954011157001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333537595824153,0.0,0.11148880800042764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401063761828927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076304887324855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092734861142821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157262723756072,0.0,0.2185560773747091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335626693860275,0.17568236862112616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342150169397275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811682588904386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460046349998148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210937145716994,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mandy-Flowers,2019/10/13,"Ugh...i just deleted all my social media again I've done this so many times before it kinda makes me laugh. It doesn't fix anything, i'm still addicted to the internet , i just visit other sites and the profiles of my friends to see if they noticed me leaving. It's boring not being able to see posts, and also i had opened an account for my art recently and just because it didn't get enough attention i deleted it and i'm sure i look like a loser in everyone's eyes now hah :). 

I'm sure there's a lot of us who do the same thing, i don't know, i guess it's just because i want attention and people to know that for sure there's something wrong with me and i need immeadiate help. But like, it's ... a selfish thing to do, right? I don't even know why i'm posting this, i just feel so fucking bad. I'm sorry.",0.7558075484529071,2.6359744277456656,2.907147228833733,92.34518871132269,82.17919075144508,5.689085345120707,22.315198911934715,6.794906146795322,0.5187024141448489,628,21,141,7,17,213,100,173,0.10300000000000001,0.765,0.131,0.4217,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,1,14,13,1,0,7,1,9,3,1,1,4,33,27,11,0,3,8,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,14,8,0,0,6,1,1,1,5,6,0,0,3,5,18,7,11,23,4,12,0,1,4,1,7,4,1,4,7,86,32,0,0.1430287449245065,0.0,0.0,0.1559224438033906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143800356412656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770047023399427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942302769729625,0.17437799072233015,0.0,0.1217069273659192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636806457734464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477869275005395,0.0,0.09446913708641644,0.0,0.0,0.13667009513757336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231963096676486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105036535305316,0.13222776994821553,0.07472661592930874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575622877376281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586915280634896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358145730570464,0.0,0.0,0.15144678915461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397532402182958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010812302668647,0.0,0.0,0.12159792417849476,0.0,0.0,0.09547279787351418,0.14500869810424666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605400205087526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628391740846891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915812273216323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27396400168166657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412236304965938,0.0,0.0,0.12214576666974347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279507834216017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579979341596233,0.0,0.11011051559513156,0.0,0.16010897000716648,0.0,0.0,0.11422294045447265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044086982470389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900438854274584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340121137217787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204596947930986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436205950347371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906119559621776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563794795464122,0.0,0.0
bpd,Due_Link,2019/10/13,"About to go through a break-up, I'm terrified. Please help. I'm so scared, about a week and a half ago my girlfriend told me she thinks shes gay, and im 100% supportive of her, I dont want her to repress her sexuality, that's not fair and it's not her fault. But, I am absolutely terrified, she wants to stay with me because she loves me and says that her emotions are stronger than her sexual desire, but she has said we can't have sex again, she doesn't like having sex with men. So... I reluctantly agreed. But I am not an idiot, I know she will break up with me, I don't know how I would live without her, it's been 6 years, I've been with her since i was 20 years old, I was only diagnosed with BPD last year but I can see how it has been affecting me forever, I don't know how I can continue to go on living when she leaves?

I am on disability pension due to my BPD, OCD, PTSD and can't leave my house due to Agoraphobia and Panic Disorder, I will never be able to find someone to be with when she leaves, I am so afraid, she's my best friend and I don't want to lose her and I don't want to be alone forever.... please help me guys, im so scared.",1.7822352694485242,2.691266976095619,3.7127028727196496,91.97372614803943,76.45019920318725,7.674648773327742,22.37387292933529,8.20500826718156,0.7864693227091641,885,23,222,15,19,301,122,251,0.13,0.7140000000000001,0.156,0.8192,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,0,2,12,13,1,5,4,0,31,5,0,4,1,40,48,21,0,6,8,0,0,1,2,3,1,2,0,2,5,15,0,1,5,0,0,2,13,8,0,1,7,3,47,5,25,35,1,21,0,1,1,4,30,3,0,0,15,139,52,1,0.11279432521107048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998536367946624,0.0,0.0,0.11682090393002187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875837372959245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837068545216115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841210081016042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144838657873434,0.0,0.0,0.12927206873394326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219410909907464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687843416133238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309196980142407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714461585965178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820722872739174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168411545750764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120731717329575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014950723758487,0.0,0.0,0.2436744536626817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596643392868675,0.09194242950506668,0.0,0.3582987125509751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510560983669241,0.0,0.199198911298418,0.0,0.0,0.12618799824018018,0.0,0.0,0.10180128228746696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699393715235919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835867026123875,0.0,0.0,0.08578516702997503,0.0,0.1323398377401768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476285951632004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185053014555922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729323291630108,0.08969857464055916,0.22585359333081784,0.0,0.08988247366270859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933046313989928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955702657199198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022374291248795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799766357629527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722740491600188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777981143379302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26611606163874263,0.0,0.09047680403550623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872970442859033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012585240265536,0.0,0.0,0.21790754198613926
bpd,2000000009,2019/10/13,"had a really difficult night last night... this may be very triggering to some of you who self harm, so please be warned. i just really needed to get this off of my chest, process it, and seek some support or just be heard.

i was very badly triggered last night by something i'm still processing today. usually my reactions and emotions in these states are so intense, that they almost isolate themselves to that moment--i don't remember them in the same way the next day, or at all, because of how unrelatable they feel when i'm in a neutral state. or something. today is different...

last night resulted in me cutting, which i have only ever done once before, a long time ago. the cutting did something different... well, for one, in the moment and now, it didn't feel like something i was explicitly doing to myself; it felt like part of my overall expression of what i was feeling, and action taken that just happened to be part of the moment. there was no cause and effect: i was cutting as part of my being in a state of serious distress. it was ""happening"" as part of all of the pain and chaos i was feeling in that moment.
what is making this such a different and scary experience for me today is, i feel like this physical, corresponding action branded the thoughts and feelings of last night into a semi-permanent reality. where i have physical pain, and scars, it was like tying a string around my finger--i remember. the emotions of last night have carried over with me today. this must feel like how ""normal"" people experience emotion...it swells, and takes up the space of a few days...its processable.

i'm having a really hard time, and i feel really different and scared. but i'm hoping that this is a blessing in disguise, and an opportunity for me to actually explore the feelings i was having last night. they aren't gone with the wind per usual. i'm going to try to take this as an opportunity. but i also promise i won't do this again.",6.148074534161491,6.724326854447442,6.9218938239774985,74.16611273877888,66.16981132075472,9.902308683932967,32.30294152115317,9.867487886160001,3.164731067619828,1537,60,275,32,23,510,176,371,0.11,0.815,0.075,-0.20600000000000002,4,0,4,0,0,0,63.0,0,1,4,3,18,23,3,2,23,0,35,3,1,8,5,61,64,27,0,4,8,0,11,5,0,3,2,1,0,1,23,17,0,0,16,0,0,5,5,11,1,1,18,12,28,12,44,38,10,58,1,0,0,0,9,16,0,8,38,200,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.06509309858421203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912872317923945,0.0,0.06679402736450997,0.0,0.0,0.05334285063423958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059380352456021725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569472585867296,0.040661899871117874,0.0,0.056759856833706414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852297902026203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04301830843721727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27876428983098284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826094923470366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006516023667735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033723162904114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049785465700486,0.0,0.0,0.30354613249241874,0.1429592110844807,0.06404592350140495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034849881708562805,0.0,0.03790919719661039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797155923312168,0.0,0.05975333018995694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625173278003592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32623405642009745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294006591317292,0.0,0.0,0.05903059339358682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452517581453222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049459879592153096,0.0,0.0,0.07094004306726483,0.43817771757442703,0.06535537260749906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103716477200624,0.045200090588881914,0.05073109910827791,0.1419546821779347,0.0,0.0,0.28893402581609035,0.0,0.046243882513401655,0.0,0.0,0.07322053006482095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092815544183534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112436789093392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678194741535465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958640989850501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540678287850267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326958693015457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569446305616104,0.0,0.0,0.10030562260094664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295521330691708,0.07779081963033914,0.0,0.2529088809744317,0.0,0.0,0.04528737079635824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692919918587174,0.11007492352878516,0.0,0.05294621865334583,0.0,0.0,0.05997455371666241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,55mmm,2019/10/13,"am i in an abusive relationship? i'm confused... the story: i have been seeing this guy for a short while now. he has told me that we should stop seeing each other, that i should not get attached to him since he is going to leave anyway-that this is nothing serious. i was fine with it, i had (multiple) fwbs in the past and i could just treat this as one of them. but whenever he gets mad, he raises his voice and calls me a slut, a whore, for hooking up with random people before we got together. when we have sex, he hurts me to a point that i start crying (he asks me if i'm alright, and i, not wanting to disappoint him, said that i am fine). his degradation does go a bit far that i started crying legitimately - but later glad when he told me that he enjoyed it.

i just feel like it may lead to constant emotional abuse, gaslighting, and maybe even more.

the worst part of this is, i kind of want it? i feel like sticking with emotionally abusive men is like crack to me. i even hope things would escalate to a yandere-ish point of relationship and i feel bad for thinking about stuff like that to myself, because i deserve better than this.

i am so confused right now.",3.3866666666666703,4.789338606837607,4.406495726495726,86.6246153846154,73.1880341880342,7.2512820512820495,25.82051282051281,7.793537801064563,1.3125743589743597,910,30,189,12,18,296,133,234,0.23199999999999998,0.626,0.142,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,3,0,1,2,10,24,1,2,10,1,18,3,0,1,0,36,40,13,0,8,7,0,3,4,0,4,0,2,0,2,19,12,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,11,0,1,7,7,32,13,24,28,5,22,0,2,2,3,25,8,0,6,15,128,51,1,0.0,0.40393099269215693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623714980960564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488384057676663,0.06927329590794262,0.0,0.0966984417992397,0.0,0.0,0.10050448432544616,0.12406438489029158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603815185038638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280341684278173,0.0,0.09073151591631506,0.0,0.24965426947202146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099446278052043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556572192518751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011501074068292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237791908812408,0.16236748674001406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187434023302413,0.0,0.1291673553551124,0.0,0.09088751076274884,0.0,0.0,0.11252050272060167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286919459819128,0.0,0.0,0.12165292840468375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183375590479895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203273210794214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207315323759055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416567642854453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903971096587907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700474548296966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305999185768553,0.10848130949484797,0.07878299261561132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485122319389524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401157288260944,0.0,0.09704710787600694,0.10809673745282147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111118274732868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940033771872378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086857596918885,0.0,0.0,0.09500731472754616,0.0,0.0,0.13008949765554173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549671983360924,0.07281529975704458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717391978228384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340544844490913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072590409415692,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peacetotheholy,2019/10/13,DAE lose interest once you’ve gotten the object of your affection? Was really into my partner in the beginning of our relationship but slowly lost interest. I had a really bad bpd night and split on them and they started thinking about leaving me. I felt as though the fear of losing them was what made me realize how much I actually wanted them and I worked super hard to improve and keep them. Yesterday they decided to rededicate themselves to this relationship and me and suddenly...I’m not interested anymore. Is this a bpd thing?,5.608994845360826,7.945560865979381,6.7779252577319635,68.06420747422682,69.20618556701032,11.03556701030928,32.74355670103093,10.9516,4.526423711340207,432,20,68,15,8,145,70,97,0.193,0.6579999999999999,0.149,-0.6293,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,6,5,3,9,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,3,0,18,13,10,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,7,2,16,4,11,6,1,7,0,3,0,0,11,3,0,0,4,51,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.16993449874727362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269904931628138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539875236414015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386438317618176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595473617222828,0.0,0.0,0.16720070397228318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599429793888314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478270305173553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438800805193306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896338918425343,0.19009323849299825,0.0,0.0,0.16477448828344826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280121674902015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341761134170574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545230217211195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311574535990408,0.0,0.0,0.3739201326999225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232564475591183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569018290854988,0.11158120996514098,0.1710906376391476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271166654529676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677523211600006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thew0rldismine,2019/10/13,"Spiraling downward .. wanting to numb the pain Earlier I took a Lorazepam from an Rx i got in 2016. All I want is to numb my mind and I dont have anything else except pain narcs that I never took. The lorazepam is old, but it's actually for anxiety and I have it bad bad bad right now. 

Does anyone else here take any antianxiety meds that help them get through difficult times and help calm you enough to use other coping skills? What meds have you had success with?

I'm so out of control right now. Uncontrollable crying. Hopelessness. Loss of interest in everything.",2.3924572649572653,5.1915863796296335,3.3833333333333364,85.60269230769231,83.35185185185185,7.026780626780628,24.974358974358978,8.139509932561175,1.893768376068376,451,18,85,10,13,144,78,108,0.303,0.556,0.141,-0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,1,4,4,14,0,1,4,0,7,5,0,2,2,14,16,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,11,0,0,4,0,10,3,13,12,2,13,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.14459402768357305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076171333730098,0.0,0.1133508057960932,0.0,0.0,0.10360497062668166,0.15181923041059692,0.12193253437859985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711510854973131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618695684793913,0.0,0.0,0.16275945505285574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966589401427578,0.0,0.17365591570903718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24755658086535784,0.0,0.0,0.15310078695813592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316700632876244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741350266216054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185062987638061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863249054431054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291703075002248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961099434622865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142790092560419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554810831314364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153298842901837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530753337527002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114065414509018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864000037777066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292480171299809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279726177820903,0.0,0.0,0.17479080075392678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SeriousAcres,2019/10/13,"THANK YOU. That's literally all I can say. *thanks BPD community for sharing their stories* (finding this page has been a breakthrough for me, I sincerely thought I was alone) 
*immediately shames self for thanking others for struggling with mental health* 
*feels like the worst person alive* 
*disgusted with self*
*spontaneously combusts from such immediate emotional disregulation and catastrophic thinking* 

.....but seriously, thank you all for being brave enough to share your symptoms and thought processes while struggling with this illness. I feel a little less alone tonight and this is rare for me.",5.657801857585138,9.23228263157895,4.599938080495356,72.03662538699692,91.10526315789473,7.287925696594428,32.95665634674923,7.928766900206844,3.747037151702786,490,26,67,12,17,145,72,95,0.187,0.627,0.18600000000000005,-0.0247,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,1,0,1,15,1,3,3,0,6,3,0,0,2,15,15,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,10,9,11,10,6,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,3,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209231741216206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512992257194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427630008336056,0.0,0.16008493495184145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667533813521453,0.11068259650827834,0.0,0.0,0.14160394699112086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468419853204214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569136441236753,0.1552813662318435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613380915286534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352796010835952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232071928885132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232532330374061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32393462843228105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610324260996549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5705578705951225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927340263070218,0.0,0.2459955030387935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SkepticalAqcuiesce,2019/10/13,"Do I have BPD? I know I can't get an exact diagnosis Reddit but I'm looking for some perspective. I'm an 18 year old male from Ireland. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 2 years ago and can remember having those two things as long as I can remember. The reason i feel like I have BPD is due to the fact that I have weird symptoms of mood swings and severe relationship anxiety and fear of abandonment. I also have impulsive thoughts, cravings and actions. For example. I'll almost drink alcohol any opportunity I get when I get the impulse to. I get impulsive thoughts to self harm which I have carried out in the past. I get impulsive thoughts to take drugs and smoke. I don't have close friendships. I stay inside a lot. I get suicidal thoughts and fantasies some days and other days I feel fine. Some days I'll be really outgoing and good going and other days I stay alone and don't talk to anyone at all and feel like I'm on the verge of bursting into tears. 

I'm just looking for some perspective here. Maybe I'm on the wrong medication and need something else as I am taking anti-deoressants right now and they don't help all too much. I really just want happiness. For me, happiness is the most fragile thing in my life. If I feel it I know how fragile it is and how it can be broken within seconds. My daily life is painful. Right now I'm getting suicidal thoughts and severe hopelessness.",3.0611178749308263,5.332154093525184,4.412374100719429,82.47223574986165,76.41007194244605,8.161815163254014,27.59878251245157,8.950670267944501,2.4441207526286663,1130,47,216,27,26,373,146,278,0.22899999999999998,0.669,0.102,-0.9918,0,1,5,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,1,11,16,0,1,10,0,24,9,0,3,4,54,55,25,2,3,4,0,6,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,10,20,2,1,14,2,0,2,4,8,0,2,6,8,27,7,26,47,9,30,0,3,2,0,6,12,0,8,16,136,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061242369642264,0.09718672198445392,0.09106282268223982,0.0941859473992192,0.0,0.07272432491848743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184201214310156,0.0,0.13913701298442227,0.0,0.0,0.06358704749424966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22907035833330594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345939448705651,0.0,0.0783261007712102,0.09230172852938286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908613750956237,0.1054610060802565,0.0,0.07596832453975738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233227594194123,0.18392707471808645,0.12993446473624906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33258512873369084,0.0,0.051683041711229824,0.07627577956368871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936136830171447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095486313901535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995599631449384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846658649638004,0.08885694075076885,0.0,0.0,0.08047863964980474,0.15273263582007673,0.0,0.0,0.0773135529971811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136100062783699,0.0,0.0,0.09161202884440252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685103255692508,0.06743052369946301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542575957248436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676609243472148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681209006868701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651640816221034,0.093501002896584,0.0,0.09763504303887996,0.20603356406578696,0.15532375685855113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486978335802748,0.20547161215260465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000970814694807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938589198535184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894621424009226,0.0,0.0,0.09452101211265533,0.13675044738797934,0.07309376519827833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083239172913895,0.0,0.0,0.3609792214767851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883472587564771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363850248626751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942812150177613,0.0,0.1171241766781389
bpd,Leipakone,2019/10/13,I want to become my own FP I start a campaing for myself and I want to encourge others too! I want to be my own FP. I know it sounds naive but I think I can do it if I put enough time and effort. And even though I don't make it atleast I tried. Today I was close to having an episode but I managed to handle it by stretching. Afterwards I felt just extremely strong because I didn't act up to my impulses.,-0.2238636363636317,1.8173825227272749,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,87.4090909090909,4.883636363636365,20.163636363636364,6.2581,0.017269090909091126,314,10,73,3,10,106,56,88,0.02,0.866,0.113,0.7254,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,15,15,7,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,18,1,9,11,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,54,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253790960532867,0.3125942699132141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29245488415496546,0.0,0.18694454922426487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717617670276213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555079828288454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893068902827748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845323086895771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033641719454734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813599229356921,0.2780843196354295,0.0,0.1650422809564467,0.0,0.268287818463115,0.0,0.0,0.19216485981942988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008310969670704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dontyell_atme,2019/10/13,"Why does my BPD symptoms decrease when my ED symptoms increase? Does anyone else experience this?

Why is this??",3.799298245614037,7.0699801578947365,3.6484210526315803,80.18561403508772,89.52631578947368,4.63859649122807,32.64912280701754,6.42735559955562,2.3781438596491227,89,5,13,1,3,27,14,19,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780564750189476,0.2609179544522604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207214530588496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445690045153423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127265317967132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490955480082562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5293555494465958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595621599408899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sieiwkkwwkwkk,2019/10/13,"I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m sure I have BPD I’ve had anger issues my whole life. When I was younger I used to freak out over the littlest inconvenience. I’ve been emotionally abusive, never physically. I’ve said some terrible things to my mom and dad. I’d always feel horrible after. 
 
I even caught an assault charge against my mom. I didn’t actually hit her, I simply pushed through her arm, but in my state that can still be an assault charge. I don’t blame my mom for pressing charges on me. I was out of control 

One day when I was younger after I lashed out, I punched a whole in the wall and screamed at my parents. I was so ashamed afterwards that I tried to kill myself. I tied an old karate belt up in my closet and hung myself. I actually blacked out and almost died. I was somehow able to get myself up and untie the noose. Because of this I was checked into a mental health facility. I was told that I just had anger issues and depression. 

While I was there, I was told that my parents were considering sending me to boarding school. This terrified me. I didn’t want to be sent away. I wanted to be with my parents, even though I had treated them so terribly. I was ashamed of what I was putting them through. I felt like a piece of shit. Those were some of the worst days of my life. I couldn’t stop crying. Luckily they didn’t send me away. I had to attend an outpatient counsel for a few months. 

Since then I haven’t had any bad outbursts. I haven’t thrown any huge tantrums or punched holes in walls. I’ve gotten in some loud arguments, but they’ve never escalated. I’d say I’m doing a lot better. 

What frustrates me is I’ve only ever been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I’ve always thought it was something else, and reading stories of people struggling with BPD makes me think that I must have it. I haven’t always been completely honest with my psychiatrists so maybe that’s why. 

Does it ever mellow out? Does medication help? Will I be able to hold relationships?",2.3236518987341768,4.692648349367094,3.4070727848101288,88.22402689873421,79.43037974683544,6.481645569620253,25.57120253164557,7.645422480735847,1.3957455696202534,1578,62,319,25,40,507,197,395,0.293,0.647,0.06,-0.9990000000000001,3,0,1,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,3,2,15,24,8,3,13,0,43,8,2,3,6,47,61,20,2,4,5,7,3,1,0,2,6,4,1,0,15,18,0,3,4,1,1,7,11,19,0,1,34,8,60,5,45,19,9,46,0,2,1,0,21,21,1,7,18,216,75,2,0.17956971772814082,0.10638037602515317,0.1752341412594697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899065667563743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412458526996584,0.0,0.0,0.1221135657631366,0.0,0.06868517127904822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871166087922942,0.0,0.07496660683543861,0.05473201661060653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794074113761066,0.0,0.0,0.2261617733426204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413771629055327,0.0,0.10070135377756544,0.0,0.0,0.09862445149000656,0.11580761250255085,0.0,0.15466313475316273,0.18225948358119975,0.09318250829980354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714267008286958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500372863947788,0.1009958815104592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860410499709467,0.16243109024545954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539792237483372,0.0,0.08620754465559019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690888302308669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954371064432248,0.0,0.0,0.060180898312988125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874241316308554,0.0,0.0,0.09933364359954157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683540213884612,0.04386434683258656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763318762692957,0.0,0.0,0.05993209048262204,0.0,0.09020095863421733,0.0,0.0,0.09044879945932699,0.09048202011080572,0.0,0.0,0.3154648246746213,0.07166541774778203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384952364338942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421410593891626,0.0,0.06084054401670515,0.06828543102681782,0.0,0.0,0.2990863813406093,0.0,0.0,0.062245516168323925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025858190280983,0.0,0.0,0.08980915592199669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639533737458522,0.0,0.0,0.08540596130552885,0.07140052346906944,0.0,0.09086707055528401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921628673808771,0.07427096306348988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691207708448891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170230426867692,0.07506416231021243,0.0,0.09386262886758674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462116691922744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596490706818764,0.057530512206391424,0.08821316797132149,0.07127914887201547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158656058043342,0.0,0.06095802553578108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754529056637725,0.0,0.0,0.10591487200701702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101686998337881,0.20048317703914847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hapyornot,2019/10/13,"I think my ex/FP is a narcissist and it breaks me Today I seriously looked into narcissism for the first time, even though many people had kinda expressed that they think my ex is a narcissist a long time ago. I blamed it on his young age. But like, every point, every sign, is him exactly. And I just broke down. It made me feel like I was perfect for him to use and take advantage of. All of a sudden everything made sense. All the neglect and lack of empathy and care. Ofcourse we were ”perfect” cause we are the two opposites and fit together like two fucking puzzle pieces. 

I love him so much, this hurts",2.3683333333333323,4.735008739495799,3.54808823529412,87.28723039215687,79.25210084033614,7.328011204481792,23.36204481792717,8.344100000000001,1.5424784313725488,476,16,95,10,12,154,81,119,0.12300000000000001,0.679,0.198,0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,1,4,4,13,1,0,7,0,7,2,0,4,5,28,18,9,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,5,2,17,8,9,13,5,15,0,3,1,2,10,5,1,2,12,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813246706703865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818810639895657,0.1832562440154545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782528176611297,0.0,0.3006034797279399,0.0,0.16032593172328555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019962665781152,0.12744225098078776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173891833914405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649191972315946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909707829514215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614578487901049,0.0,0.0,0.15787003107546532,0.14980314073444792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100444431359506,0.3375949204238816,0.0,0.18086002730225845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113758673248538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367355213193615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686367391622489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341274993753977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22861093420106895,0.17526781846137646,0.0,0.2080419390424384,0.0,0.16909339125427286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485233099265731,0.0,0.0,0.15407216657201395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lon_so_sad,2019/10/13,"I'm so obsessed, I cannot focus on anything important So, in general my life was going in a good direction. I've been in therapy for more than a year and it definitely helps. I'm in a long-term relationship with my SO, and he's been really patient with me all of this time. I'm even trying to make new acquaintances and mend old friendships. My job is stressful and demanding, but I'm really good at it and it was serving as a distraction from my personal life problems.

And then I met HIM. I know enough about my brain to know it isn't love, just idealization and obsession. This guy is not suitable for me, for so many reasons, even if I was single. I'm not leaving my SO.

BUT: I still want to talk to him all the time, and I want to see him all the time... I try to keep it to myself and not be creepy or clingy (hopefully he sees me as overly friendly at the worst). I have no idea how he feels about me, apart from being nice and friendly to me. I won't talk about the waiting, the anxiety, the splitting and everything else, because it's a topic for another time. What I want to talk about now is that the obsessive thoughts, daydreaming, stalking, etc. are taking up all of my time and energy. I just cannot focus on anything else - I slack at work, my house is messy, my personal projects are long forsaken, I cannot fall asleep... This hasn't happened to me in years (I'm in my 30s).

My therapist says that in my youth I didn't acquire the ability to prioritize obligation over distraction so now I cannot force myself to do my job. He says that maybe therapy will help me learn (in a few years), maybe not. Either way, this is happening now and I'm just so frustrated and miserable... I honestly don't know what to do. Should I continue trying to distract myself from thinking about him, or maybe confess everything to him... Does anyone have any ideas?",3.8177598566308255,4.970506188172049,5.104301075268818,83.0070071684588,71.79569892473118,9.274551971326163,28.831541218637994,9.633347757342033,2.564585304659498,1450,56,300,35,27,483,172,372,0.12300000000000001,0.765,0.11199999999999999,-0.635,2,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,0,3,22,20,1,8,14,0,29,5,2,3,4,56,57,30,0,8,13,0,1,0,2,3,2,2,0,3,15,16,0,2,11,0,0,2,14,11,0,0,8,5,45,9,50,44,11,38,1,1,2,1,25,17,0,4,18,206,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382589179770161,0.09841711436067603,0.07180025057439662,0.0,0.0,0.06562690754162365,0.0,0.15447241790770658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721427833553831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477531005517353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213478162586685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681074706648626,0.0,0.0,0.09697923882875786,0.10467522279506293,0.12398315821833165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870501017606268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474568548257282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502717376201782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334102358124878,0.1574453833084213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293305994371012,0.165994644791193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258205664541427,0.0,0.0,0.09322105193075607,0.0,0.10829822941434007,0.0,0.2119059695373304,0.0,0.0,0.1862769272310117,0.08342430075178155,0.0,0.0,0.15474384769057048,0.0,0.0,0.09938087612803127,0.0,0.0,0.1325877694659176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661207573398028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470949185936139,0.0,0.06265019121255808,0.09515613730888103,0.28287553097926843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064755233162654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848699927636947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639044016989078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980835134682051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025423174798235,0.09650049678274668,0.0,0.10076715612427932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492775043216959,0.0,0.0,0.14958355140420165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495421962823373,0.0,0.10751273035363502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056868749738833,0.22631579667087184,0.0,0.0,0.21466702685085765,0.10897506300466434,0.0,0.0601396941315093,0.0,0.07451187286041737,0.2736434856946541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116796652691687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660776454665124,0.07449921672249492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832892101895306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132224603855346
bpd,MinorThing_MinorKing,2019/10/13,"Is this my fault? Every time I say I am sad, or that I can only think in bad things about me, people say: 'just don't think something like that', as if that is gonna solve all my problems. And when I can't do that, they'd say: 'you like feeling this way. Don't you want to be better?'

The other day I told someone close to me that I may have to go to the psyquiatrist to give me some pills, and all he said was: 'is that what you wanted, isn't it? A pill to solve all your problems with you making no effort'.

I felt really bad after that, why is everything always my fault? I don't do it on purpose, I don't like feeling like trash.

I feel I can't talk to anybody, they will always judge me.",3.3883333333333354,3.0034376999999988,4.5980000000000025,91.78233333333336,72.0,7.2,23.333333333333336,5.82211442006289,0.2439333333333336,525,10,128,2,9,174,85,150,0.221,0.735,0.043,-0.9779,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,5,2,2,3,12,0,0,3,0,21,2,0,1,3,23,35,6,0,5,3,0,4,4,0,3,2,4,0,0,14,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,4,8,25,5,13,26,4,9,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,4,8,86,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722204910831445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731620875460669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467170900332554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549446787142193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782176873056487,0.0,0.14701362408364174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481303030038225,0.11686036673343407,0.15706081583787093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569192061152938,0.09296531479209204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196643693887936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918978221309687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440866457524385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340459342281466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130446734378361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479244452915168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556004177320478,0.3902520775451375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385993586415925,0.1259305633122081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147803739888494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867415076829734,0.20962873304895815,0.0,0.0,0.09538381935869587,0.0,0.0,0.15630607100134813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929654332836524,0.12984083674025526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760396838880455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pharmachiatrist,2019/10/13,"Your best BPD tools for young people? (MOD APPROVED) Hey, team. 

I made this post before without checking with the mods properly beforehand, and I apologize for that. Greatly appreciative that the mods gave me a second chance and allowed me to post again.

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I'm a psychiatrist working with substance abusing adolescents (and adults), and many of these folks are BPDers. I am a child/adolescent psychiatrist and have worked with BPD for my whole career, and I am very confident in my capacity to recognize/diagnose BPD when I see it, at essentially any age.

I have been diagnosing BPD a ton recently and having a lot of really nice conversations with these young people about BPD and the way seeing their symptoms with this lens might be helpful for their recovery. I generally allow people to read the DSM criteria and decide for themselves if they apply to them [so far the lowest was 8/9].

I am curious to hear from you all:

1) do you think informing people who clearly meet criteria for BPD, generally 14-25 yo, is a helpful intervention unto itself? Most of these people have never heard of BPD for what it's worth. I'm especially curious now about negative experiences here, and what you think it would've taken to have made it positive.

2) what tools (in the absolute broadest sense of the term--youtube videos, articles, books, techniques, advice, warnings, ANYTHING) would you recommend I provide to these young people to help them as much as possible in the very limited time that I have with them [maybe 3 hours in total; usually closer to 1h].

I will also try to answer any general questions you may have, but I will be careful not to give any specific advise in this thread/subreddit, as that is not the purpose of /r/BPD and one should seek professional help in their own community for their personal care.

Really appreciate any thoughtful answers. I promise you I will use them. My original post already had so many wonderful replies and I'm so grateful for them. I can't wait to see what more y'all can give me.

I also hope that this thread can serve as a guidepost for future people looking for tools to facilitate their own recovery.

Thanks all.",7.575808270676688,8.252539566416043,7.691744987468674,69.52754229323311,63.11027568922306,11.462030075187972,35.672619047619044,11.20814326018867,4.293522055137844,1753,76,294,48,24,568,220,399,0.023,0.802,0.175,0.9955,2,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,8,11,7,11,8,0,0,16,0,29,2,0,6,5,55,54,24,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,2,0,2,23,18,0,2,9,4,2,0,6,0,0,3,9,6,41,8,52,36,12,31,0,0,4,0,39,9,0,8,18,203,64,8,0.0,0.07962681526984954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567184899222432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416227662589966,0.10748746606444473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828065420762344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055303905218758935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718641872993267,0.0,0.07052739473968993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6771377361101402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703974593958493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364231146059015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573928632023701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571644523135643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893812479318445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409363782588975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574480488770878,0.0,0.18018410732478907,0.0,0.0,0.06674962805918938,0.06618328760471959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059474220338015214,0.05643518873514606,0.0,0.0,0.0571352014158992,0.0,0.12718179977228758,0.0,0.13627043766111785,0.0675163534732375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129377698288612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940333307589696,0.0,0.05183256075663956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553977848498919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32613990303039986,0.05868072513702501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576342531215276,0.1930911467757944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528486685867121,0.0,0.06722308507775034,0.0,0.08610635768928812,0.0,0.06635672958744822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066080911776695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985162181445878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187324125547473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612437065939686,0.0,0.05335318253135408,0.11756315024961847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045627714621019284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580434546077911,0.07401670103673755,0.11090215902102686,0.0,0.05334412028112742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503186912515818,0.0,0.06478312392018844,0.07288084563012093,0.09785193299660833,0.0,0.0,0.0954808633517638,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PracticalMeat,2019/10/13,"Is feeling detached after an intensly bad emptional episode normal? So, I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of days ago. I was in the hospital for a week on suicide watch. It was an extremely intense episode. Been feeling detached, like I'm stone-cold inside and can feel nothing at all. Is this normal?",3.3382738095238125,6.123494375,4.275000000000002,81.03666666666669,78.46428571428572,6.590476190476192,34.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,3.0328547619047628,239,14,39,4,6,77,45,56,0.188,0.695,0.11699999999999999,-0.7405,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,11,2,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,2,1,7,7,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,5,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22980066062903834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164546113583245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265037649392762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868441819460641,0.0,0.16718838436692615,0.0,0.0,0.26312319144667545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932386722140426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266515925814308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080004097275492,0.2487478175026848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835665358120737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794672913945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Theultimatehamsammic,2019/10/13,I destroyed one of the strongest relationships I've had This person came to me broken and I broke her further. I left her when she needed me most and I kept insisting that I loved her. Now that my instability has pushed her away for good I don't know what to do with myself. I was so emotionally abusive and I just can't within good conscience say I'm a good person. I hurt someone so deeply because I can't regulate my emotions and I hate myself for it. I wish I could go back and take it all away. I wish she had never met me. I'm so defeated.,0.5634247491638789,2.788947643478263,2.9434782608695684,89.71528428093647,85.6086956521739,5.625418060200667,21.02006688963211,7.010146845296331,0.5481638795986621,429,14,93,6,13,147,70,115,0.196,0.637,0.166,-0.6975,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,2,17,22,9,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,6,1,27,4,9,15,2,12,0,3,0,1,12,5,0,1,4,69,33,0,0.0,0.19481697229603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30896577161707506,0.12643282768826286,0.0,0.10023207439324364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880586228241592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128014098277013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699124328265962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344662904690622,0.41373616425150617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233584169894966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602057488672396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090363788578884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786484584291219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840016053453367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191920068847666,0.12681484897691325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114187693355709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871394809547141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653112794347253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075751677458605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393169364518919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362728572035984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781617255040682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,starcourtahoy,2019/10/13,"Triggers; self harm;suicidal actions Last night I tried to slit my wrists. I had a knife in my bedroom and realized right away that it was too dull so I just dug and dug. Then, my husband came up and flipped and took the knife. I was so determined that I grabbed anything sharp I could find and kept going. 

The real question is why??? I struggle with my bpd but I swear it was like an out of body experience, I was not me. Has anyone had a similar situation? How did you cope? I’m just a mess now. 

(I did go to the hospital, but it was a small one where there are no groups and they just lock you down)

PS I think my husband wants out. Can’t blame him. Uuuuuuugggghhhh help",-0.12762773722627685,2.1975676788321192,1.9822299270073,93.05159306569344,94.83941605839416,5.075766423357664,19.988686131386864,6.742157984588678,0.28783824817518244,520,18,118,8,20,173,93,137,0.11,0.825,0.065,-0.6189,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,0,10,4,0,1,8,0,14,2,2,2,0,26,22,12,0,2,6,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,10,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,12,2,21,1,10,9,0,18,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,5,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338743811957266,0.0,0.16875246064180194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266695996741767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22778292784600204,0.25827439018548204,0.0,0.0,0.2345417291084005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372911170621385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059462859800006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742729241592188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330883171095631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745191844648827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715676937272347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001852546664287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924412512325728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895853549629264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297216892954944,0.0,0.0,0.2334108538509609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512588217804193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392934137878614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305036165167585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143802895925888,0.0,0.22430973844204813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313984917747729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278367022192804,0.13922686083924465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095368096422073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504084382106667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Solitary--Refinement,2019/10/13,"Adverse childhood experiences cause brain development changes. I have brain damage. That's how I feel. If its BPD im done. I am just getting my diagnosis for BPD, and If it's true I am done.  My life has been a disaster. I'm 37, broke, single, and living in the basement of adopted parents. 

The last 5 years have been just debilitating.  I've rebuilt my life from scratch 3X and I just don't have the energy anymore.

I had hope when I thought it was just ""ADHD and Depression"" but if its BPD im done.",1.3014041404140428,3.622977772277231,3.4126912691269133,86.9491179117912,83.15841584158416,6.445004500450046,26.013501350135016,7.686295010490155,1.5295069306930702,389,17,82,7,11,132,65,101,0.13,0.8290000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.7357,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,14,4,2,2,1,18,19,10,0,4,8,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,2,10,2,4,11,1,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551245917837247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448330642514268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517991892882587,0.32605928678782803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002395738892313,0.15449162392816504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578458199518805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483508110302587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285576069758502,0.0,0.0,0.07384253136317194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630020240229837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505129925240698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31549788563621045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904260653133596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630563405672975,0.0,0.0,0.12895655328458172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216083863993813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159399485875984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404537861538326
bpd,actualadult24,2019/10/13,"Struggling to work with other people, not sure what to do? Okay so, I failed to get a teaching job this year due to various factors, I think the biggest one being that I struggle to form and maintain positive relationships with colleagues.
History is about to repeat itself with my current job, and because I am the newest member of the team, it is even more so that my colleagues think I haven’t yet paid my dues.
It’s just hard, because I feel like when I have an issue, I try to deal with it in a respectful manner (though sometimes I admit I am a bit too confrontational), and I am trying to get better. I never gossip about people because in my experience it leads to arguments and upsets (especially because I am new, I do not want to rock any boats).
However, after telling my parents of some of the drama that is happening at my workplace, they believe that I am 100% at fault and I need to find a job to work at alone, as I am obviously not good around other people.
This is a crushing thing to hear, because even though I know my reactions and behaviours in some situations are probably inappropriate, I am trying my best to change this, only to find that the strategies I am trying (attempting to diffuse awkward situations through talking vs. passive aggressive silence, for example) is apparently wrong, and annoys my new colleagues even more.  (In the past I have always been an anxious people-pleaser, but I am actively trying to move away from this default.) 
In short, it feels like I am trying everything to be good and decent and nothing is working, and I am quickly losing hope. I don’t want to become the person who quits job after job because of poor relationships, but I find it hard to make judgement calls because I always seem to make the wrong ones. 
I have felt like this for a really long time and I know there is something wrong with me, I just don’t want to live my life like this. 
Please tell me that I can be fixed.",8.946257115749527,7.1093775188172055,8.9629348513599,69.7776375711575,61.446236559139784,11.548640101201773,38.817836812144215,10.194018383442646,3.906551992409869,1535,63,276,26,17,505,182,372,0.13699999999999998,0.768,0.096,-0.8198,9,1,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,1,11,17,26,3,4,16,1,32,1,0,3,3,50,53,19,0,5,8,1,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,24,17,0,0,12,3,2,2,7,14,0,2,3,6,44,12,50,47,8,31,0,2,0,0,15,12,0,4,21,206,68,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762469354240363,0.0,0.0,0.12251357600020292,0.0,0.0,0.05006334847789218,0.0,0.0,0.08316835566173937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553639243075282,0.0,0.0,0.06916734122123698,0.0,0.0,0.3141416111052947,0.08130624559755767,0.0,0.08294324374292902,0.0772584503812455,0.0651098980298461,0.0803727266853633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517308591013375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787899109131996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589781082297077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587368575155954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616388331227918,0.0720133702516069,0.0,0.0,0.0744478140105118,0.105186654863798,0.07068564942060057,0.0,0.20185890965784134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692563042663697,0.0,0.0,0.12349601186596575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510091370117511,0.0,0.13189607452308905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297380431608298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312013787566356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683896180054381,0.3652767888819738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809179989869657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199917713423704,0.14386582309745832,0.0,0.0650068010747756,0.06515037338196185,0.0,0.08236067201526594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828231980908472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824519616886387,0.0,0.054587450974289686,0.0567794023603166,0.14220310514202972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706392805240709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997720879791828,0.055990459505370564,0.0,0.0,0.08174503048574898,0.0,0.07027753086600767,0.15311414162611198,0.06428114788682303,0.0,0.16162279925400533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937358125928165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830271825145288,0.0,0.0,0.04716212606180335,0.0,0.0,0.15807820651109572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701984411473468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655013635865745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667539419134441,0.07281093377622606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392483115803354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938490316957148,0.0,0.0,0.059172050065496286,0.12869225493633285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890909856357134,0.09434398423142806,0.1446603099627207,0.0,0.04292774858973423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998942359123201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026693094599653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078621799437526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24147199562623944,0.0,0.047408131373988326
bpd,iceover,2019/10/13,I wish I could find someone impulsive enough to book a last minute ticket and travel with me My life is falling apart and I still have stuff to do tomorrow but I want to leave on Tuesday. Somewhere. For like a week I guess. But it sucks being alone :(,1.1998666666666686,3.697738320000002,2.056000000000001,95.16466666666668,85.8,4.933333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.16733333333333356,196,6,41,2,6,61,41,50,0.223,0.6579999999999999,0.12,-0.6858,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,9,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,6,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,28,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29495515691971025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273805660922947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942628075298033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602916696155321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31372680882295145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23214076256841085,0.0,0.3015500634712567,0.0,0.0,0.2011546479347376,0.13913335070814234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413005016564767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22743258629772897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260148727908597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797572625899454,0.0,0.2284402793858917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274928963964142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BadPatience,2019/10/13,"How to deal with emptiness feeling? I feel disconeccted from myself and I rarely experience any feelings. Just anxiety and emptiness. Emptiness leads to psychological pain and I want to do crazy shit like drug use, seeking unstable relationship and spending money to stop feeling empty. But it only gets worse. I have to stop but it's too painful, like holding my hand on fire, I have to remove the hand and put it on ice, eventually burning my hand with cold.",4.1207496653279785,7.131479120481927,4.7825702811244994,77.19974564926375,77.07228915662652,7.062382864792503,30.908969210174032,8.167268648758528,2.7084013386880863,369,18,61,7,9,118,56,83,0.273,0.523,0.205,-0.2846,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,1,0,3,7,4,3,0,21,10,8,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,9,8,2,11,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141848992319145,0.0,0.15957149842138246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504810029280694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189926755344646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404196511559453,0.0,0.0,0.4218793875690373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089801570539378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038139942292374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864280959612506,0.44391093455252745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096915082457376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223948606944646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411560272637506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487827324160802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015559953874488,0.0,0.0,0.12303234101728255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257198862876775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Belldandypie69,2019/10/13,Silent Treatment I cannot handle this and I am done. Literally considering giving up. I cannot fucking stand being ignored and I cannot stand people insisting on doing that to me as a punishment. Is anyone elses fire rage out of control when people do that to you?,3.3411764705882376,5.855507039215688,5.0468235294117685,77.04670588235294,76.6470588235294,7.217254901960787,25.88627450980392,8.238735603445708,2.0743615686274506,213,8,36,4,5,72,39,51,0.226,0.728,0.046,-0.8542,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,5,11,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,7,9,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435974970539809,0.3569595581079076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907411631537134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35651676959806083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29102929672812583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220744738903248,0.0,0.3342007229187197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830498196168773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smozin,2019/10/13,"DAE not believe love is real? I have a hard time believing love is real. Deep down, I know I'm confusing love for obsession. Love has limits and boundries, where obsession has none of those things. 

It hurts, because I can ONLY do the latter. Even when I try to set up clear boundries, and advocate for myself, I always end up being super sacrificial when I'm in love. I accept treatment I always told myself I wouldnt put up with when I was single. 

Every time someone I know gets divorced, or someone opens up about their relationship struggles, my mind uses it as more proof love isnt real. 

Anyone else really struggle with feeling like this? Recently I cant even look my SO in the eye when I say I love him. I do, I care so deeply about him, but is it even possible to love anyone? Are people truly capable of caring about someone else just as much as themselves?",4.591015779092704,5.7916881360946775,5.752204142011838,78.90609714003948,70.00591715976331,8.236883629191325,27.692800788954635,8.59863814320734,2.105058777120316,681,23,124,11,12,227,102,169,0.168,0.69,0.142,0.2708,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,14,19,0,5,3,0,15,9,1,1,2,23,34,13,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,5,22,13,21,30,4,20,0,1,2,8,15,10,0,2,9,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494727151817905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020709648557344,0.0954005443120468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675800779476727,0.0,0.0,0.20980253337495988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986040938318735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555602178901304,0.0,0.0824663938030083,0.0,0.0,0.18449163212301456,0.0,0.07844783078467082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047078397464304526,0.0665166494333775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864528868377605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340682534349175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967445273320144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233986770348083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0454880542251727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078187594142184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6722716271693996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401292746047618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844537676550341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081312304027344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454963128814066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496571521943256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359964445730937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179331812471056,0.05964761613244174,0.0,0.09193329831738406,0.09996356152946248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404352550062193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667129947016005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467420171291208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061857074311719676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858449705829597,0.0,0.0,0.08896905272273707,0.0,0.06321448217647069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041575076115505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tealcorelli,2019/10/13,Confused I was diagnosed with bpd when I was in the psych ward however no my psychologist is not so convinced that I have it. Idk what to feel he said that I don’t have super extreme emotions or lash or in anger. What should I do to get a confirmation,0.9281410256410254,3.2870165576923114,2.9938461538461536,89.03448717948721,85.34615384615384,6.5435897435897425,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.353874358974359,199,8,43,4,6,67,40,52,0.225,0.705,0.07,-0.7609999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,7,11,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,2,6,2,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462929056528334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44024709126029404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879103374002469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931701859428251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266164580235157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125955511587628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheRavenShadow,2019/10/13,"DAE have explosions of anger like this? So when something makes me angry enough, my eyesight blurs for a second and it's like the world goes out of focus and then I get an electric like feeling shooting through my brain (not painful just strange) after this I tend to lose my shit. I have no filter, no boundaries on what I'll say and I can be really nasty and say awful things I wouldn't say and I usually don't mean. It's as if the part of my brain that knows what's right and wrong to say switches off. I can't focus on anything else but hurting this person as much as possible with my words. I've never been violent when I feel like this. It doesnt matter what the person says after this all I can focus on is making them feel hurt just because I'm angry and even if they make a valid point i'll just keep going on until they leave. If its someone I care about i'll break down and cry but if its someone I dont care about, I feel numb. Just hoping I'm not the only one that gets this.",2.604357142857144,3.756374328571432,3.6325595238095225,92.39598214285715,74.76190476190476,6.2023809523809526,22.172619047619047,6.322622252153567,0.2442619047619048,779,19,174,5,16,251,120,210,0.18899999999999997,0.6940000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.9059999999999999,0,0,1,1,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,10,16,3,0,7,1,12,5,3,3,2,39,31,22,0,6,12,0,4,4,0,1,2,5,0,2,17,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,10,9,0,2,1,9,21,7,23,28,4,20,0,3,0,0,10,10,1,6,12,114,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628201102778264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132284005472407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612240474982111,0.0,0.0,0.2385810238464701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852031433724806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712452444744475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773948179765644,0.0,0.0,0.1208935066706248,0.0,0.07727818317681152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366372706047575,0.08358567421301066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225658648042635,0.0,0.06649447312660713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620858236816364,0.0,0.0,0.25050438963742816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399603442172003,0.0,0.0,0.06430079471631774,0.0,0.0,0.12388736760794157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286434878147161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089440495938734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234297610521934,0.0,0.0,0.12744859705009995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600933769880117,0.0,0.09023853137727796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792830350216795,0.08898467801476555,0.12449751639848405,0.0,0.0,0.12670088814692898,0.0,0.0,0.2043218540322861,0.0,0.0,0.1106039436017584,0.131901263076318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495395892757066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991837781202473,0.0,0.4652202157503857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120100041187176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982694588657986,0.09007323297628864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773039239398227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886028205910444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792243518036467,0.0,0.0
bpd,Just-a-throwaway7282,2019/10/13,"I don’t know how to support a person with untreated BPD So I know a person with BPD, we used to be close friends but I’m not so sure I feel that way about her anymore.

Long story short, she’s a fantastic liar and has convinced therapists and psychologists, hell even her own mom that she doesn’t need to be medicated/follow through with therapy (her mom isn’t around at home a lot and she isn’t in contact with her dad, so maybe she just doesn’t see the symptoms often)

This girl has touched me, forced her tongue into my mouth and asked me to ‘prove that I love her’ by touching her back or kissing her, while also saying that she doesn’t think she can live on this earth if I leave her.

I’m conflicted. She’s violated me personally, she’s touched me even when I told her off, I get panic attacks thinking about what she’s done to me (currently seeing a therapist)

But at the same time I read about people’s experiences HAVING BPD and it feels wrong to be afraid of her/want to distance myself. She’s objectified me, but she’s also very sick and going untreated. I really don’t know if it’s even morally correct to cut ties with someone who’s facing so much inner conflict.

I’d like some advice, please. Is there any way I can be supportive despite my discomfort/ fear around her, or should I just cut ties?",4.871410427807486,5.434731715909091,5.529349376114084,83.07946524064174,68.9621212121212,8.787522281639928,28.786987522281642,8.841846274778883,2.0363661319073088,1039,35,214,17,17,337,147,264,0.172,0.7040000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.946,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,0,21,19,6,4,7,0,19,6,2,2,3,46,39,22,0,4,10,3,5,1,1,1,2,1,1,4,10,16,0,2,8,1,0,1,8,11,0,0,2,8,43,8,27,32,5,20,2,0,2,2,37,11,1,7,7,142,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430030930749963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707120498240937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072583531507706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058525435890136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900337452257932,0.09978291500180364,0.12142659072591838,0.0,0.08207270738580971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032873849518264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922707005945877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114925906438153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440741355808084,0.0,0.12010666725881596,0.1079369522455748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246327736080325,0.0,0.05576468703734053,0.0,0.06066001988713739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070640129708917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597646704368713,0.0,0.0,0.11301706487024975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214538090818928,0.0,0.09424905319926397,0.0944572091736269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907423693937742,0.09633259948585836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722975915307233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500137299597288,0.0,0.0,0.07846258327898731,0.07914272792734559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523064836303593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399668260904796,0.2795909301824932,0.0,0.11716309334759314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067639890426092,0.0,0.06837724137627303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848800395352698,0.0,0.0,0.1701081193004561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043630810422056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422434645882436,0.10059657331134554,0.110938642244429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206089463254377,0.2478553670420672,0.0,0.13678309102812716,0.0,0.0,0.06223809807076336,0.0,0.0,0.10198996686696124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218486096813304,0.0,0.08806763983554189,0.06295513034454937,0.16944271648927747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669808176804645,0.0,0.0
bpd,MechanicCosmetic,2019/10/13,"DAE get angry for no clear reason when alone and not in the context of relationships? Hey,

I just made a post about my inability to focus, but I thought I might ask another question which is pretty much along the same lines, but here goes. See, I find it impossible to pull myself together, and I get irritated, frustrated and angry with myself without a (clear) reason. There is no one around me to have provoked it, and I am just angry and anxious. Then I end up crying, smoking countless cigarettes, struggling not to self harm or get drunk or whatever, but it just keeps happening almost every day for years and years since early adolescence. Can anyone else relate? There is just this massive f r u s t r a t i o n, and I feel as if I wasn't in control of my life or emotions at all. Like I am just free floating. Other people seemingly live their lives, yet I kind of let my life live me.",5.222670454545455,5.635537289772728,6.271590909090911,78.59613636363636,68.14772727272728,9.127272727272727,30.20454545454545,9.095868883498916,2.4536090909090897,697,25,135,12,11,233,118,176,0.226,0.684,0.09,-0.9758,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,12,6,1,1,5,0,10,3,0,5,3,42,21,17,0,1,15,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,10,1,2,7,1,1,1,6,3,0,1,3,2,20,4,19,16,3,15,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,8,9,93,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142553047176726,0.1462759135020578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480962479056393,0.0,0.15955431036313986,0.0,0.09875415299158752,0.14471100581705135,0.0,0.12572827507262244,0.1320348001349823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840603073865644,0.0,0.0,0.15513900566637254,0.09108429796470302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798295155616738,0.15886933105548445,0.12509147489037364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118995804257503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141219474629497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908539097131982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136693363083265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489283101673432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553534012603604,0.0,0.14707356122942808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442141628615895,0.19951561579137334,0.06899983775830602,0.0,0.3741368420190329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336391019340341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982704044976486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382329982170026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570386816203706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979139284391598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352632084817775,0.1436858345097951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821449317795233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904243146609737,0.0,0.15163254715472865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254527657749556,0.12857420257126662,0.14733794804460215,0.0,0.0,0.11683029092152908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764852621993724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121240839739456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614461372108486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819002346937502
bpd,arthr-glass,2019/10/13,"I keep wanting to run away. Should I stick where I am or move as soon as possible? After dropping out of university because all I was doing was getting stoned in my room hating myself and existing in a state of dissociation with my emotions because when I let them in all I wanted was to die. Flash forward 6 months and I'd moved back in with my mum and was feeling guilty for exisiting as she has 5 grand of debt and I was a financial burden on her that still didn't have a job. Now I'm living with my uncle thanks to a drunken conversation I had at a family dinner that I can't remember, I would never have moved if I thought I could get better with my mum but our relationship is messed up. I got a job via family friends and it's been really hard to just do and not overthink as I go into panic mode and self criticise at the tiniest error. Now I'm working full time in a kitchen. I hate it and often go to the bathroom to cry, or cry when I'm cleaning and there's nobody around. There's no rational reason for these feelings so I feel I can't tell people how hard it is because it'll just come off as weakness and make me look like more of a fuck up than I already do. I have no friends as I've never lived around here before. I do have a SO however he's going through a worse mental shit storm than me so has isolated himself from the world. He was the only good thing I had going here, now I don't know why I get up in the morning. I want to move. And I would, but part of me wants to stay just so I can see him and weather the storm. I don't think I can get another full time job because I don't have and transport but the bus. I want to end it all but I can't do that to my SO while he is in the dumps. 
I don't know how to feel ok so I'm relying on good old faithful alcohol to numb the pain of existance. Hey ho, I'm sure u've all had enough of my self pity bullshit, I definitely have. 
Wishing you all gentle feelings. Over and out.",2.5932857142857126,3.337280328571428,4.479523809523808,87.88214285714285,74.28571428571428,7.6,25.904761904761905,7.908726449838941,1.275704761904762,1518,50,347,21,30,520,208,420,0.19699999999999998,0.695,0.10800000000000001,-0.9922,5,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,1,2,27,23,5,1,19,1,43,9,1,4,8,69,81,38,1,11,11,2,7,1,2,4,4,0,3,2,10,24,3,1,11,0,1,12,13,12,0,0,13,9,51,11,58,62,10,60,1,1,2,2,20,29,2,4,19,242,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151950791752853,0.0,0.0,0.09450214471574676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979746766901811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246950379335464,0.0,0.0,0.08045842778003601,0.06584927827014765,0.0,0.20881316597896699,0.0,0.07287046008380045,0.0,0.0,0.0757386352562504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376836929239255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837387641312051,0.0,0.1881356218343359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887729603668865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632967628013868,0.07584863108277565,0.08848552530586057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146117638289334,0.0,0.21650225240648596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232528744235794,0.07916967949582429,0.1789664072909299,0.0,0.19467706898683015,0.14365587539440447,0.06849143173271845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342718975625272,0.1690968747390458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549434078489057,0.07611776669365344,0.0,0.0,0.09412729855804874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756925069386809,0.0,0.04183772909774743,0.0,0.15123741688310224,0.0,0.07191319651380182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716311188773655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630157562953958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835433672025346,0.36407271720627205,0.0,0.0,0.13209648841608135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986123186794125,0.0,0.0,0.06513051192866601,0.09112340638615636,0.10047612750538253,0.0,0.09273611919410256,0.0,0.059369652828504926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654242707685856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486101455829092,0.0880487128299233,0.0,0.09194168618892556,0.097009601789078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824130238064949,0.0,0.17867535218562186,0.0,0.08790476450200428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127724748888852,0.06838951901247929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071150520066092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485018447164002,0.0788426982716869,0.0,0.0,0.05689316814964586,0.05487249117676477,0.0,0.06798591421427404,0.09987080893044928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525534997343349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727373376032907,0.0,0.0984778919729416,0.0,0.0,0.06234448262293254,0.0,0.08727103659051927,0.1216676021364435,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,icaruslethe,2019/10/13,"Been journalling through some of my spirals re: the person I'm interested in. Thought this would be relatable! 9/29/19

My therapist told me in our last meeting about something called “looking for triangles”. It’s an exercise where you walk around town or wherever you are, and point out every triangle you see. The point of the exercise is to highlight the fact that when you are looking for something, you see it everywhere. This is how I approach a lot of things.

Every sharp breath and averted gaze is someone being upset with me, every smile means we’re falling in love. Every gentle touch is a confession, and every bump of the shoulder is picking a fight.

I look for triangles everywhere. Sometimes it feels like they’re pressing on me from all sides. Their points are sharp and digging into the flesh of my brain with immeasurable intensity. It’s incredible how yesterday the triangles were so kind, I was sure that it meant that finally something was truly beginning, and that he was inching closer to telling me that I’m not alone in my love. However, today, they were dark.

He avoided me until I cornered him, and then he stared at my lips and flushed red. He tried to walk away but I continued. He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. He didn’t look at me after that, not that I could see. I heard his voice and saw just the top of his head, from his hair to his glasses, and he never turned to see me staring.

He was always staring.

Now I’m always staring.

I thought last night when he made that joke about being here today, he was inviting me to look forward to seeing him. Then he leaves my message on a lonely seen, and tries so hard to not share space with me. Triangles, triangles, triangles. You need to stop looking for triangles.",4.070200626959249,6.33011135757576,4.4024764890282135,83.7668181818182,73.3030303030303,7.582027168234067,29.56112852664577,8.433251757073789,2.3348025078369905,1388,60,254,25,29,435,174,330,0.06,0.85,0.09,0.8499,1,4,3,0,1,0,43.0,1,6,2,1,13,12,1,2,13,0,23,11,7,4,4,45,53,21,0,4,6,0,7,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,16,16,0,3,6,3,0,5,6,4,0,0,17,27,39,8,43,30,4,48,1,1,18,2,38,25,0,3,21,166,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494695101426064,0.0,0.0,0.1525607610900276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160958348251801,0.0,0.0,0.17226208823205155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233886289584668,0.09360973350346936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319448724280729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947240816659341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861978546994594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635329217275353,0.06549215461031233,0.0,0.1004247397516217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478960500067294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212218666279131,0.0,0.09408430335709722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546470009463943,0.0,0.14945361757479503,0.0,0.09706987124333044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044787443529024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461900054899526,0.0,0.0,0.07793823104042644,0.16547931127680726,0.08674446093780172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998602129068344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679753488428777,0.07070488937742267,0.0,0.0,0.08603014186998638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004648272888629,0.0,0.0,0.2599856007531885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36526283125688896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776753563143517,0.2117261177543584,0.09066824947268086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664383886424525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864019644295597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801273989400419,0.0,0.0,0.10644095470610276,0.060904346642148964,0.0,0.0,0.1455583445519661,0.0,0.0,0.17379307785887035,0.08759874416534724,0.0,0.1244816952020078,0.09971533839072176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512280873642247,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SlytheringSavage,2019/10/13,"DAE ever feel like something just, broke? I don’t know how to explain it but I had a rough night last night. My husband was very supportive and helped me feel better at the time. 

But I had horrid dreams all night and when I woke up it’s like I felt something in my chest just, break? Snap? Idk I just felt a shift that I cannot explain and now I’m stuck in this middle ground of no where. 

I feel deeply sad, alone and scared but simultaneously I feel, nothing? 

Any clue if this is a BPD thing?",0.045421956684094766,2.328791077669909,1.2475728155339816,100.22997012696042,89.67961165048544,3.945929798356983,15.690067214339061,5.369823440869387,-1.0561838685586258,383,8,91,2,13,120,71,103,0.22399999999999998,0.6409999999999999,0.135,-0.8814,0,1,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,4,0,6,1,1,1,2,23,19,10,0,1,7,1,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,9,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,7,7,12,4,6,12,1,16,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,1,10,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799722488846876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234380179364046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605373392951282,0.0,0.0,0.2286147395658391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641928290755186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367122491026097,0.12967602631974973,0.3485702305701571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166724899012164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975718478700908,0.14796086158355895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773604102788068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110251910845305,0.0,0.1741707864426111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817305265961512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794818380090313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059837300947928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059205724941725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584422259987394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977081825348093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,attycat19,2019/10/13,anyone else cry to that new steven universe movie lol im listening to drift away and bawling my eyes out as we speak lads,1.1998666666666686,3.697738320000002,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,85.8,4.933333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.10193333333333364,98,3,21,1,3,30,24,25,0.111,0.789,0.1,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758438104973425,0.4042122184864364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706460558283516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333400994632243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295544131065449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261280640756154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810108869072349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vespa2705,2019/10/13,"New job and have to complete an occupational help form - do I disclose my BPD? Hello,

I recently got offered a new job at a local university, which I have accepted. I have been sent through an occupational health form that I need to send over soon. I am really unsure whether to disclose I have borderline personality disorder or not.

I was diagnosed whilst working at my current job and they already knew I had 'issues' so I've never technically had to disclose it to a new employer. I also didn't disclose it before my interview.

So I feel disclosing it now is like dropping it on them, and I am worried people will form preconceptions of me before I've even started. The name itself of the disorder is so off-putting I think, I worry what people will think when they read it.  But at the same time, I am taking medication and I do have bad days at work so I guess they really should know...

Has anyone had any experience with this? Or can offer any words of comfort?
 Thanks in advance",2.9568588137009177,5.459754777777783,4.959314954051799,77.22413533834589,77.94179894179894,8.000111389585074,27.936786410470624,8.841846274778883,2.6271417989417998,779,34,141,19,19,267,114,189,0.09300000000000001,0.838,0.069,-0.6594,5,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,3,9,5,0,0,8,0,23,3,0,0,1,23,35,14,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,9,1,25,4,17,23,4,25,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,3,14,106,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141573162288692,0.10259488495683236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744856106517845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970459099798081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071182721627026,0.0,0.0,0.21833370030969276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157899771890166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451148371330404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273758062567688,0.0,0.0,0.1302134496319194,0.0,0.0,0.2940669743310204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473550648077835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549397179249286,0.0,0.0,0.06486817544301401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026066509839252,0.0,0.14132785230699202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636815608911187,0.0,0.0,0.08599127153557094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390328033628882,0.3819293685068205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050580362296435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267688028839805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924046487180468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512672450764427,0.09894652469818514,0.37171498299165984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788272467667482,0.11201942821885948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896866684266542,0.0,0.0,0.1283264911252102,0.0,0.16437399046857898,0.0,0.12667264914504905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080557763232766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645944760085716,0.0,0.0,0.11811382854082457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440837659123494,0.0,0.0,0.07480796485170922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679587818307475,0.2605730469403899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,purpleraincoat,2019/10/13,"Those of you with tattoos, do your tattoos reflect the many different phases you've been through or show the different parts of your personality? Sometimes I feel like my tattoos are just all over the place as far as a general theme or style. Guess I am too, though.",6.967933333333335,7.4721244600000025,6.4860000000000015,78.24633333333338,64.4,9.866666666666667,36.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.437666666666667,213,10,40,4,3,66,39,50,0.0,0.9470000000000001,0.053,0.3612,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,6,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,7,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5890778530335771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254360766676966,0.20139859661383835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31055878778851337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772837870945034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858153822762161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30528414471467474,0.0,0.0,0.2461554270338987,0.2945389265167885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788190174820732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769779441122047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,driftingindreams,2019/10/13,"I don't understand (and that's okay) It's been around 3 weeks since you decided just to disappear from my life. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, still searching for a reason which I can make sense of, still desperately trying to rationalise what happened inside my brain.

People change, that much I can understand. I'm not mad at you for that. Disappointed, hurt? Sure. But I could adapt given time. I could accept it once my emotions had calmed down. I don't believe I lashed out at you. I was simply trying to be honest with you, the way you were now being honest with me. I told you that I was trying my hardest not to split on you, not because I wanted you to feel guilt but because I wanted you to understand. I wanted to salvage what I saw as a friendship, not just a hobby. You used this to jump ship, even though I'm sure you knew it would hurt me even more.

That's the part I can't understand. That's the part that keeps me awake at night, wondering what I could have done differently. Wondering why the moment I choose to voice my pain just coincidentally happens to be the same moment everyone I've known seizes the opportunity to leave me. Wondering what that says about my worth.

I don't think I'll ever understand. And for once, that's okay. Not because it makes it hurt any less. Not because it makes me miss you any less. Not because what you've done was right in any way.

This time, I know my worth. This time, it isn't about me. You were going to run no matter what I did. I don't need to understand *why* to know that this time it's just **you**.",1.2194025157232709,3.6110026069182446,2.5864465408805053,92.25218553459119,84.25157232704402,5.79748427672956,18.58176100628931,7.1686216300943375,0.2365874213836481,1231,31,265,18,36,397,141,318,0.09300000000000001,0.81,0.09699999999999999,-0.162,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,14,0,1,16,17,1,1,9,2,26,4,2,5,3,57,59,6,0,8,13,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,30,7,0,1,19,0,2,4,14,8,0,0,14,4,49,9,34,38,7,29,0,5,1,0,16,10,0,3,13,179,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157153753800535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100555944510745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413910368616581,0.0,0.0,0.08922873271153342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841087038935938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378070794372197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969885364347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274478218626183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209357029704502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908679806196801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461872101291966,0.07163889021644901,0.0,0.07567683475782958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400447570985444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500990089930723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006860030510848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812797300497959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543484568473955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039459045460975,0.0,0.0,0.08705001368813264,0.0,0.0,0.08385897167862888,0.0,0.0,0.05593970609723189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158595319801353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821945169588896,0.05872412088783381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432171422684672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868601727296134,0.0,0.0,0.0842719794867193,0.0,0.0,0.17152686986448398,0.0,0.05490574116704123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814284673467014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763443744829392,0.0,0.06298122181496146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551318914543848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974225301355155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492858658463335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074671409053059,0.07781137769121542,0.0,0.1847233569351618,0.0,0.0,0.07567683475782958,0.0,0.21508026782656575,0.0,0.0,0.4946858439799237,0.0,0.0684014193254807,0.0,0.0,0.140138637434505,0.1257269597253951,0.06352765009815875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429272843185102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25765971286996986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056259802382664065,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,andersalsdieanderen,2019/10/13,"I'm showing manipulative behavior and need guidance Hello I've been suffering from borderline all my life and started already in my early teens thanks to bullying to self isolate and hide on the internet almost until now in my early 30s now. My social skills are so poor now and combined with my borderline a lot of problematic incidents off- but mostly online happened over the years which made me get even worse. 
Lately through some new online fuck ups I had to realize I show manipulative behavior whenever I can't deal with disappointment or just negative emotions. I start guilt tripping easily and show this unintentional manipulative behavior which has always been one of my biggest fears actually I absolutely despise it. 
I can't live with myself like this and hurt others and myself in the end. I feel ashamed and have completely cut myself off now from all my internet contacts because I'm afraid to hurt someone again. 
This bad behavior shows mostly when I have to ask for something, approach a negative subject/emotions, state I don't feel good about something and just get anxious. I turn it into a guilt trip somehow and project my negativity on others. No one deserves that and this is not who I am. I want to be a better person and while I'll never get any of the people back who left me thanks to my behavior, I want to change. 
If any of you have advice (I'm in therapy already) please leave some serious comments. Atm my life has come to a total stop because I can't stand myself any longer and fear to approach anyone.",8.590186480186482,8.222711538461539,8.803342657342657,65.90680885780887,61.23776223776224,11.682610722610724,38.9967365967366,11.072351349416056,4.527492121212122,1244,57,204,29,15,411,164,286,0.26899999999999996,0.6629999999999999,0.068,-0.9964,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,2,13,20,3,6,9,0,16,3,0,4,4,46,37,20,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,18,0,1,3,4,2,5,10,15,0,2,4,2,31,5,34,32,8,39,0,4,0,1,11,13,1,9,20,148,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.11207194275985484,0.0,0.0,0.11222499389651676,0.0,0.0,0.1150004620199654,0.0,0.2534681501865075,0.0,0.0955600604270352,0.0,0.0,0.2342951742288139,0.0,0.0,0.12974191680830222,0.0,0.08030214334384315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736437026317497,0.0,0.0,0.08830855005701138,0.09589059768577247,0.14001662892010985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157087880807407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149055374354174,0.0989286124831318,0.12041257115571599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839992962919894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583698489408289,0.10171839100878367,0.0,0.0,0.0758538967964948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584646218126296,0.11613794712013632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061721523518054,0.18000497900604168,0.0,0.0,0.09632635616145917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155686333291246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24588743339307897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954991879487385,0.12160404412486275,0.1247791939977356,0.0,0.1622365348015168,0.0561073604959319,0.0,0.10141004844823932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763692858616994,0.0,0.10866891158251796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515595224568913,0.08857537748394205,0.1109178081640674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564359587718488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961891301472662,0.10027803573987293,0.0,0.12606508574260986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980815657315436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706979468445775,0.09730761291510276,0.17682625127657495,0.0,0.0,0.16257545863211814,0.0,0.0,0.0960153819487726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146729470265135,0.1313350194845073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491814663269267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547685842123305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703664650148428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395627565101262
bpd,When_The_Day_Arrives,2019/10/13,"Does anyone else feel that they know their partner will eventually leave? I'm in my early 20s and have been dating a guy for 18 months now. We've been through a lot, but I love him, and I believe he love me

He's seen me at my worst. Self harm, high on a shit ton of drugs. He took care of me throughout it all. Held me during withdrawals, and I got clean mostly because of him.

But I know from experience everyone leaves. They use you for all you can, and spit you out and cut you out. I've had this happen numerous times.

I don't blame them. I'm a deeply traumatised person who self destructs. But it just reinforces my belief that I'm toxic and I don't deserve love or happiness.

Ive known all this time this relationship won't last. He'll get bored of me. He'll get sick of me. He'll leave like everyone else. Even my mother said the same. Nobody can bare me for long.

This is my longest relationship. And I know the longer it goes on, the harder it'll be.",0.7308545454545481,2.9352379400000044,2.410454545454545,93.97272727272728,84.6,5.836363636363638,18.590909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.1618999999999997,748,19,170,11,22,245,118,200,0.161,0.682,0.156,0.2179,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,4,0,3,12,3,0,7,0,14,7,2,1,3,28,37,11,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,6,2,1,1,5,11,9,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,8,3,30,6,16,22,8,16,1,0,1,3,29,7,1,3,9,98,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151542290607888,0.13410361483875666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978417808003506,0.0,0.0,0.14745868763538172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344246302081375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453532639828055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178104585541613,0.0,0.21866948133897424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864460294002541,0.0,0.0,0.2501258596570158,0.0,0.1280272700982721,0.0,0.0,0.06617764422945502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676041587417792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467793179037753,0.0,0.0,0.12959331166580515,0.11573812242010252,0.13932584370519674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828354346841265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157872310916764,0.1066859317759898,0.0,0.41575399093116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394211424647751,0.0,0.0,0.11582605314586825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127081343961467,0.35437712648969555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044684045254254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428072112136188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810356072898129,0.0,0.0,0.12449832562128547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27307600170626284,0.0,0.13434803025433534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263616865052884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541421780432573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130396366688405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nearby_Associate,2019/10/13,"I feel like I am everything I should be in order to be loved and cared, but I am not and it’s crazy how long I thought that if I am this thing x and z and I do these things I must be liked and receive love 

But I am not lmao and now this style of thinking seems really stupid",0.7195238095238103,1.6371644444444478,2.435111111111109,100.04600000000002,79.15873015873015,6.309841269841268,18.949206349206353,6.742157984588678,-0.34097841269841306,212,4,58,2,5,70,42,63,0.131,0.611,0.258,0.7843,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,1,18,17,10,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,9,5,3,11,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,4,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29864873819814197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263255207327947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810780240896498,0.2092601979210254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28620922163964263,0.0,0.0,0.2592226180439213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287386502347128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876503411359263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666609345500249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38920251466517003,0.1876895965414095,0.0,0.23254363954919502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bubblepoppa6,2019/10/13,"I'm too damaged to date I recently went into therapy over a month ago.

I thought I was healthy enough to enter the dating scene. I met this incredible guy a few weeks ago but I can feel him pushing away because of my mood swings and my inability to think rationally.

He deserves so much better than me. I know I'm a kind person but my self destructive behaviors are the reason why I just can't enter a romantic relationship.  It's a suffering.",3.7492370129870096,5.431882852272729,5.806038961038965,75.82727272727277,72.75,9.574025974025977,30.75324675324676,9.957137785484203,3.2943292207792205,353,16,67,10,7,123,67,88,0.19399999999999998,0.69,0.11599999999999999,-0.8084,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,7,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,12,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,4,1,12,2,8,8,3,14,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989459223338935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114203831253938,0.0,0.0,0.13717444141959065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990181976591409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325131645917976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378047126754208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228122237674612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23433111343421126,0.12366901810526584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796144972803456,0.0,0.1654208223711996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964849981800294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313653536841685,0.22218712979052796,0.2415949087695269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347523588046176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573381187015684,0.0,0.0,0.14418828987502255,0.0,0.17864639450335454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805031792027216,0.0,0.0,0.20860239118319376,0.20305197165674893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dontforgetyourjazz,2019/10/13,"FP, left but went back... I understand that my relationship with my FP, my partner, is absolutely awful. we have been on and off for 4 and a half years. I've been unstable and typically BPD (for myself); over dramatic, depressed, anxious, isolating, splitting, dependent, etc. I haven't been the greatest. but I am smart enough to know and understand that being cheated on 5+ times, lied to, gaslight, manipulated, etc. is not NORMAL or remotely okay. I understand that I do not deserve to feel like a useless shell of a person. 

but when I cut him off, I was basically alone in my room for 7 months. I still didn't have any friends, I wasn't magically energized and available, I just sat around, studied and forced new hobbies onto myself. I was still miserable. and I was bored. so when he messaged me and asked to hang out... boom, here we are 6 months later getting cheated on and manipulated again. 


I know how ridiculous this sounds, and our relationship is probably nothing more than habit and oxytocin, and he probably isn't the only person who will ever love me-

but what if he is? I've dated a few people in those in-between times and felt very little. being alone wasn't better. is it worth it to leave and become totally isolated?

just wanted to type this all out haha, if you read it thank you so much and I hope you're having a great night❤",3.9767438867438902,5.81907815444016,5.211505791505792,79.66570141570142,72.47490347490347,8.331016731016732,28.54954954954956,8.976282227363876,2.421534877734879,1058,42,199,22,21,351,157,259,0.257,0.631,0.11199999999999999,-0.992,0,2,0,0,0,0,49.0,3,2,0,1,14,19,4,1,7,3,25,1,0,4,3,49,40,27,0,5,11,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,1,3,11,21,0,0,7,1,1,2,7,8,0,1,12,4,28,11,24,25,9,32,0,3,0,1,19,15,0,5,16,142,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516130154265119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826039105887772,0.0,0.0,0.13722676616270935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813424321889964,0.11355825237328755,0.0,0.0,0.09340309629266988,0.0,0.0,0.13415430740945494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743053269153306,0.0,0.0,0.15298748166956522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462211691788123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551120160716436,0.2709427945646057,0.0,0.10987676243521807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141898973028055,0.08677834481385815,0.11663045405816964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384758565028127,0.0,0.06346317306914963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392133923992028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064733013189526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351370526671374,0.0,0.0,0.1286194172097703,0.13197774241302793,0.0,0.0,0.0593442106313123,0.12174506532312925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963161022097016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939127310860076,0.0,0.0892945834834979,0.0,0.0,0.11731668915220422,0.0,0.11399156677620274,0.11901501868711856,0.11655394594795546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092383571043966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421215153267908,0.2121262102526729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619308699396367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150308509087322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608271007370417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940125388626421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183345257684893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166051668916296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793643284731337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002256475488162,0.07164627912233598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260410489657938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822283495334459
bpd,vitallynice,2019/10/13,"Mornings with Myself - a BPD poem Sometimes I get sad in the mornings

My gentle rest slowly adjourning

​

I don’t know why I hurt so strong

After I’ve been resting for so long

​

Maybe I’m just scared to go through another day

But memory says our pain will fade if I fight through anyway

​

Please get up, my old friend, you’ll thank me when you do

O please, I beg let me rest you sick ugly man,

This hurts too great to move

​

If I go out there, today, people may hurt me, and I don’t want to hurt anymore

I’ve felt, far, far too much of this feeling before

​

Oh but you, you beautiful soul, you damage yourself this way

Hurting yourself is no better than another causing the pain

​

Life brings hurt, but also brings love, get up my friend, for what if today you might feel loved?",5.829814814814818,6.291473833333335,5.441580246913585,84.90311111111113,66.83950617283949,7.714567901234568,29.78024691358025,7.1686216300943375,1.6287017283950616,659,22,127,5,10,202,104,162,0.203,0.59,0.207,0.4182,0,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,1,7,0,2,9,20,1,1,3,0,10,6,0,1,0,18,26,11,0,4,7,0,3,0,2,4,4,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,12,0,0,2,4,22,8,15,19,4,20,1,8,0,2,15,6,0,5,8,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170901880079447,0.0,0.42035807611898907,0.4714178771805495,0.0,0.135604449921989,0.0,0.0,0.06412589119744383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502136592341428,0.0,0.0,0.05718700225279025,0.0,0.0,0.08143769969015206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642419683830766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041700705779878736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538863423780594,0.0,0.06208426852093753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991316169699196,0.0,0.10134740646857217,0.0,0.07349616180070859,0.0,0.0,0.07128848509762256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153227393243261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03553574748525701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611979367943674,0.045671658993471816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057222552363029484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116717342520964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496021385443307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859462576180604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872393207447035,0.04753294448883637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785037057881728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760676908571567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044827484130972615,0.0,0.0,0.14195573430024794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142066496962639,0.06473649108354346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395093772040797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953074739760286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225812824558772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03813846792827066,0.05132453521371248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058346089438794935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714178771805495,0.0
bpd,xlaaane,2019/10/13,"DAE feel like their FP is MORE emotionally available/loving than they are? I see a lot of people here talking about how they think it sucks they will never find anyone who loves them as intensely, but I am just the opposite. I find it so hard to show emotion and really open up. My FP is so affectionate and I love him so much but I feel so emotionally stunted that I don’t really know how to respond to it. Is it like this for anyone else?",3.1059047619047604,4.502723622222224,4.764285714285716,83.805,73.8888888888889,8.253968253968255,23.968253968253972,8.841846274778883,1.5684920634920636,346,10,73,7,7,117,63,90,0.042,0.762,0.196,0.9514,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,0,9,6,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,2,1,16,15,11,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,13,5,9,14,3,3,0,0,1,2,11,2,1,1,3,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513505312018397,0.18416029645845305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014597689339604,0.6065348576663697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175937456827276,0.1284031025966269,0.0,0.0,0.3285500468400789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100773630466836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877794991475734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561940787308836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280472502438813,0.3244366765748358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212629935439402,0.0,0.13862312545421782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460598962019465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028637308526076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432259514919907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446461531172086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151672738554964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cinna__bunny,2019/10/13,"felt splitty, might delete l8rr hello babies, iiiii have a question for you...
it’ll be very hard to explain given a.) i’m a level of high that i didn’t know existed because i accidentally ate an edible that was 3x the amount i can handle hahaha
b.) i find complex concepts very hard to explain in general

i prefer to just let words come out and roll with it. 
so, i know splitting is very common amongst people who have bpd. I experience splitting and know what it feels like when it’s happening even if i can’t seem to stop it while it’s coming on. but, do you guys ever feel “splitty”? like...
teetering on the edge of splitting and feeling emotionally stable? for example, i was having  a conversation with my boyfriend tonight...and throughout the conversation i kept having intense waves of “oh my god I love this man with my entire heart and soul. the way we connect is like a warm fire and i am so fucking cold. i could be within this fiery healthy relationship forever” but then he would say something in the convo..and it would all of a sudden rub me the wrong way. like my whole entire mindset would switch up and i’d start thinking “hold up, bitch. what are you smoking? you love this man with your entire heart and soul? that’s a little intense. this man won’t save you. he cant handle you. and did you hear what he just said? that was off. you want to have to deal with that? you want him to have to deal with you?”
and that’s it. i would never fully split. it would be like that; teetering and swaying in between love and hate...lust and disgust....happiness and misery. and all of these intense emotions would be swirling within me in just ONE conversation. it’s hella overwhelming, and i almost wish i would just split and have the mindset that he’s my FP or my enemy. it’s not fun when i’m on then edge of lovey and bratty. i feel like a little demon bunny. lmfao. hopefully there is someone who can read this and relate. and if you exist, pls make yourself knooooown. i’m a cute lonely 22 year old demon bunny rn and it would be nice to feel like maybe i’m not the only one. the end",2.17910686085278,4.414728757793768,3.4873767327601333,88.17501666959117,79.16786570743406,6.082681172135462,22.640755688132426,7.217587316427113,0.8374408258758841,1640,52,329,21,41,534,205,417,0.085,0.731,0.184,0.9917,0,2,1,0,0,0,60.0,1,12,0,0,11,21,2,1,19,0,40,7,2,1,4,84,75,32,0,16,11,0,11,7,0,11,0,3,0,4,31,30,1,3,17,1,0,2,7,5,0,2,10,15,39,16,37,47,4,35,4,2,0,4,40,17,2,8,21,212,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532406125037377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194234532717012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731719437952372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679925354490794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803209909408274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569256106063005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916963152065408,0.07546949005488474,0.0,0.0,0.05627944812273896,0.07707601787655834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335031875703956,0.0,0.0,0.21542003265714715,0.18261902993677698,0.08181357698119872,0.0,0.07787907720073273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877393769754341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436986766830246,0.07534964534237155,0.09070609312381453,0.15266026039180425,0.08412580902418247,0.0,0.0,0.09603623624427468,0.20194510006123514,0.0,0.09002751849741025,0.0,0.08463132301962004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048518320654976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713152234932517,0.0,0.29140017749706043,0.1708027179406699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23071214773576976,0.0,0.056877373296424234,0.0,0.08560344807964464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039281333188992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571809191864605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941204670360027,0.0,0.11547904655850655,0.06480494706497393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907288450351881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545308447195362,0.0,0.08523161541133506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148210155423847,0.0,0.0,0.08105285004738925,0.06776126436116749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077570669869955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219693363540096,0.06559770991170931,0.0,0.0,0.06031105504483186,0.0,0.0,0.0712381688427722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459820260476683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109179492811344,0.10051642891603907,0.1352691724575996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513231065596793,0.09798563511010644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842377117876906,0.09316218056001166,0.0,0.05487151688487128
bpd,twinc_,2019/10/13,"Schizoaffective BPD here changing meds to stop weight gain, need some advice Hey guys, hope everyone is doing well. 

Just needed some advice on my medication please. 
Recently I have put on about 20kgs and gone from a size 4 AU to a size 12 AU and I’ve seen my doctor about changing my medication as it’s causing terrible sugar and carb cravings for me. 

I have been on Seroquel 400mgs with Prozac 20mgs and am honestly the happiest I’ve been in my life, aside from the really upsetting weight gain which I just can’t cope with. 

The doctor has changed me to Latuda 80mgs in hope that the food cravings (which were insanely difficult to live with, just hungry ALL of the time) will go away. 

They have subsided almost completely, however I’m struggling with my emotions again and having difficulty pushing away delusional thoughts and triggers. Plus it’s making me super nauseous and I throw up every time I take it 🙄

My question is, do I push through or just go back to being happy and unhealthy/uncomfortable?
Will a higher dose be better for me? I have a feeling I’m already on the highest dose. 

Very scared I’m going to go into psychosis again.

Ps. I am seeing the doctor this week, I’d just like to go in with information and a goal 

Most of all I just need some support right now please",5.0529329734592885,6.538449599190288,5.526848852901484,79.87860436347282,69.20242914979757,8.565811965811966,29.51169590643275,8.998388855275968,2.466804948268106,1029,39,188,19,18,330,146,247,0.076,0.757,0.168,0.9726,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,5,16,14,0,3,12,0,20,13,0,3,2,43,41,12,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,2,9,0,0,1,7,16,4,1,4,0,0,10,1,5,1,0,6,6,20,9,34,31,6,31,0,0,2,0,5,12,0,9,10,121,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639139428491451,0.0,0.0,0.10574785916939447,0.0,0.11653741984617545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843819643604046,0.08120350084559662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339878118092353,0.0,0.0,0.13300543119249014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848512391322256,0.33514733094167976,0.0,0.11072452573789388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242726764174513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879108100743578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897652006957336,0.1009098228207785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339691276262255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769763050076474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30008794233165115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456526275920804,0.0,0.11241817396990232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977860399159345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459172742863787,0.05159312538292391,0.0,0.09325089076428313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049196174131947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173030222419179,0.2127712635982195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23491365566729905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318445108676644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616189842674516,0.11830144025147712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765307926076493,0.0,0.10427190759743993,0.0,0.0,0.09018584248840096,0.0,0.0,0.10572873427436337,0.0,0.08415327853462379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829026344826056,0.0,0.11040096865955537,0.0,0.0,0.11983896966540665,0.0,0.0,0.07940159675368871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383834094185101,0.12315790742858768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871349428286509,0.0,0.0,0.08470972571910282,0.25719616531951794,0.0949513139186263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Techiedad91,2019/10/13,"Is there anyone who could talk in a private message about something I’m paranoid about? If this post is inappropriate for the subreddit, mods, feel free to remove.",7.258620689655174,8.92215365517242,6.747758620689655,72.51060344827587,64.17241379310346,8.558620689655173,35.1896551724138,8.841846274778883,3.1994000000000007,132,6,21,2,2,41,27,29,0.066,0.825,0.109,0.3182,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717389121681113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42447569099577215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688159513938256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091694521613465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092866986803715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273165342916189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,birdsonpsychedelics,2019/10/13,"What do you do when you reach a total breakdown You know the feeling when you realize all of the horrible things you had just said and done, that moment of regret? I think Ive permanently destroyed the only good relationship I really have in my life and I dont know what to do anymore. I wish I could take it all back but theres no way I can be forgiven over and over like this, especially this time. Makes me feel like suicides the only option anymore.",3.702967032967031,5.1842003956044005,5.0404395604395615,82.07956043956045,72.51648351648352,8.276923076923078,26.186813186813183,8.841846274778883,1.910138461538461,360,12,72,7,7,120,63,91,0.095,0.736,0.168,0.7140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,5,0,0,5,5,1,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,3,19,20,6,1,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,14,3,6,15,3,9,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170831947700212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169260482206996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789174413824529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151897998438665,0.24644699726016275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264812044155748,0.1502243198783728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637317599156033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311291556799844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852722580332353,0.20546470896467495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403637625752649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198553546460089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471097299988175,0.0,0.0,0.2257623943975745,0.0,0.0,0.20002476100308125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300125666216499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810464909077548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970091694788805,0.1347391537846122,0.0,0.0,0.12261615970491473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691074944370485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418120181236671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mjauitslocu,2019/10/13,"Everything Its like no matter what something small makes me spiral. I hate going from super euphoric one week to angry and irritable the next. I feel so alone idk? Im either dissociating, angry, or hysterically crying.

And being with someone who doesnt understand is hard.

I also hate feeling like im too much to handle, even for myself.

I feel like my expectations are ???? Extremely unrealistic and i feel just too cruel. Im either telling myself oh! Its my mood swings, all of these feelings are invalid or !! Nobody likes me!! Everyone hates me is treating me poorly and !! I wanna kill myself.

This is all the time, rinse and repeat. Its consuming.",2.071958073148973,4.8978870254237314,4.1321052631578965,76.4991123996432,94.0,5.874041034790365,21.464763603925068,7.273561745256523,1.5370440677966104,511,18,81,10,19,173,81,118,0.264,0.59,0.146,-0.9679,0,1,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,5,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,2,23,18,9,1,2,5,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,0,6,15,6,7,17,5,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325815146029634,0.0,0.1183360778435802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625443086190825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773652453768662,0.0,0.0,0.1413970797125242,0.13299097719117048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741046867017476,0.21142767500181964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409797483837955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255712150173682,0.4382859714622552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4795173004586242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371313784328514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891737219812222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877489876413856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877913272411767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737378784264616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027213346992617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537929228469288,0.11391888865753515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293372447634269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628579442080793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404787549964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869714468930467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VeniVidiVici502,2019/10/13,"I can't read people, I hate it I feel like this issue has been a big part of my life living with BPD. I've always had trouble reading people's body language and emotions, and I always assume they are feeling the worst. And I feel its directed towards me. Today, I visited my mom for dinner and we were talking about getting a gift for my father for his upcoming birthday. After this, I was in the midst of leaving and going home and she goes ""oh i thought you'd stay and help me find the gift today, but its okay we can find it another day"". And because of that, I couldn't help but think that she was disappointed or mad at me, even though she probably thought it was completely okay. After driving home, I walked into my apartment and just lost it. Threw things, sobbed uncontrollably, screamed, etc. Thankfully my girlfriend was there to comfort me. Anyway, I wanted to share this because I feel like this issue with me has caused me a lot of issues (among the many others with BPD) with my relationships with others. I always think people hate me and or are upset with me no matter what, and in turn, i end up hating myself. Over simple stuff like that, and many times it turns out they aren't even mad or upset at me. I just wanted to see other people's thoughts on this, or at the very least know it's not just me.",3.772586206896555,5.248621996168584,4.509461685823755,85.97545689655176,72.33333333333333,6.7525670498084285,24.54425287356321,7.1686216300943375,0.9958105747126442,1035,30,203,10,20,332,140,261,0.152,0.7090000000000001,0.139,-0.8691,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,1,2,1,9,22,5,3,8,2,16,3,1,1,0,51,39,19,0,3,10,2,4,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,22,22,1,0,13,2,0,5,5,14,0,0,12,6,41,8,31,25,5,27,0,3,1,0,18,14,1,6,10,150,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380759027104366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000773551854282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627795537055627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593878117165899,0.2402399017594653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797515514068557,0.0,0.0,0.09999760516222042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061508205032649615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728267776458444,0.08447287026766437,0.0,0.10636698774025394,0.12598697875261894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289541729744766,0.13627011050458807,0.0,0.0,0.1743398340218972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049828869320193266,0.0,0.05420312323984747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824856195541016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785408325045214,0.0,0.19133537708728665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29863637633052065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241494122064248,0.0,0.0,0.10098707364035896,0.0,0.0,0.06736532902776897,0.13978445010474042,0.0,0.08421680466481174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411175909454966,0.08108338639647313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933881088623975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170063117251508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032805214013813,0.0,0.2644807116292148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282907754175408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907992007395091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023957587468064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600056323503142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016557711780421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091801725636878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665784040427133,0.0,0.08780737275783529,0.0,0.0,0.06336210876339493,0.12222334832595333,0.09370426528808873,0.22714840977881895,0.055613224430522,0.0,0.18080640395538056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747859438062308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786933658170557,0.11250786580667912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blossom_98,2019/10/13,"Impulsivity While Talking DAE feel like they are unable to control what they say? It’s a big problem for me but especially for my self esteem and identity. I don’t want to be saying specific things but the feelings are so intense I blurt them out even if they don’t fit my character. For example, I work in a kids toy store and it’s been a while when I get excited around my coworkers I’ll swear so much and I can’t stop and I’m paranoid I’ll be getting in trouble for it but can’t catch myself. Or when I over share with people, or take on a speech pattern that doesn’t fit my personality. It’s usually only after I realize when I’m kind of back to reality and I deeply regret it even if others think I didn’t do anything wrong...",2.2626223776223777,3.8846426948051977,4.584545454545456,83.29297202797203,76.59740259740259,7.855344655344655,26.131868131868128,8.617729084823388,1.8545730269730272,581,22,123,12,13,203,96,154,0.10800000000000001,0.773,0.11900000000000001,0.1462,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,2,9,8,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,0,24,21,19,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,9,8,0,2,4,1,1,1,6,4,0,0,2,5,19,4,16,17,1,19,0,1,0,0,11,9,0,4,10,84,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562269700515176,0.1899849602384941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410327577169956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393635276872935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819177290605941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581848588285826,0.15246401045826766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300148506599507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223930668075306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426398855311113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568848811220993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231203501325597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479553727318986,0.1863461028659271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420972353185385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33943299737611604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263881521246093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842483759604535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046182729928987,0.17153522130168858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417837143800494,0.1367479764154534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23504692133543276,0.0,0.12587793732220806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553689591363852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23333624665732886,0.0,0.0
bpd,thefailureinreason,2019/10/13,"Just met a woman online Over a dating app. We matched, been chatting the last few days and everything has been great. She even said how much she loves and enjoys talking to me. Today I asked for her number and we have been texting back and forth all day. Now d ssd he hasn’t responded in about 45 mins to an hour with no previous mentions of ‘brb’ or her taking a shower or anything. Maybe she fell asleep. Idk. We have a lot in common and I enjoy talking to her and she knows that. Waiting for someone to reply is hard to endure. Every min is torture... In my mind, I’m like has she lost interest? Why is she taking so long? Is she talking to other ppl?  My thoughts are racing. I don’t want to fuck this up.",0.8368362068965496,3.0750730068965524,2.511271551724139,93.19932112068966,84.44827586206897,4.7284482758620685,20.09698275862069,5.985473137389443,0.011767241379310622,546,16,115,4,16,179,101,145,0.07,0.782,0.14800000000000002,0.9207,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,6,0,14,3,1,1,1,21,27,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,10,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,7,2,19,6,17,20,4,18,0,1,0,2,25,5,1,3,13,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208389440813466,0.0,0.17277355129475291,0.0,0.0,0.1421084272709925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383759071163498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220660736606693,0.0,0.1557114311509222,0.0,0.16609641579553192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085500306539508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375503225050665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555456042677374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200183303231213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156741814598988,0.15064581794067722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028943124143664,0.0,0.0,0.16355212186398685,0.0,0.0,0.20174328776517275,0.15711989785805788,0.16679934955123318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566771969953436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660665738152066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585751785890296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757977999840112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658995447136612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779100881112841,0.4456327956794233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671947209406264,0.0,0.0,0.17517943554209905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900645107085964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676338849132138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Z2KCT1,2019/10/13,"Decided to try poetry tonight as an outlet. The madness
Silent and dark
Anxiety from the stress
What's left being quiet stark

Collapsing all around and even within
Pain flows through me beneath the surface
How far do I go before the end?
Do I even want to be in this place?

What's most important to me can be taken away
The more I grasp it becomes like sand
My mind begins to waste and decay
Do I deal my own hand?

Then I keep pushing onward
My life a mess
So very funny
The madness",0.7466797488226078,3.253770418367349,2.2806122448979598,92.13856357927787,89.7142857142857,5.056200941915228,19.78335949764521,6.67199483983844,0.3915532182103605,383,12,77,5,13,124,74,98,0.21600000000000005,0.6729999999999999,0.111,-0.8951,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,1,8,0,7,3,1,1,1,12,12,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,3,10,1,12,8,4,17,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,1,6,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623691941259074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672017775977875,0.0,0.0,0.2287272449498417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26886899545929915,0.2071561678878686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509840173230808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156225133830528,0.0,0.0,0.32158998417005114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383570089326198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163876121861548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645067736608215,0.0,0.1719543980667143,0.11893631003637432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581290359257854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25904564963823395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543511613963254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788686604645013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528509251488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086995114857392,0.14359183441814244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zzzzoe_,2019/10/13,"i’m very sad and just want to be normal. I’ve never really posted in anything before, because i’ve isolated myself to an extreme extent. Basically just watching the world go by without putting any input on anything, or talking to anybody except the people i’ve known 3+ years now, before i couldn’t make friends. I’m 18, and 2 yrs ago i entered a relationship and fell in love. and then i basically lit my entire life on fire. we broke up last march, but recently started talking again. our relationship is complicated. we aren’t together, but i’m at his house while typing this and i’m staying the night. 

we broke up because i can’t trust him. and idk why. i constantly think he’s going to cheat on me, because i constantly feel like every single other woman is better than me because i’m just a monster. i couldn’t let him have privacy and have intense urges to snoop, it’s so hard to resist. i can’t be around his stuff unattended. right now he’s playing his favorite video game with his friend that’s a girl. and i’m so on edge, and my hearts pounding. She’s not even in the same state as us. I don’t make any sense.

I hate being like this. I don’t know why i can rationalize it and not do anything about it. I recently got the diagnosis, and haven’t started any treatment yet. i’m hopeful, but i’m so tired of living like this. i just want to be able to love and trust like a normal person. i don’t want to be abusive.",2.2569362037280096,4.109787784982938,4.108754266211605,85.67659425045944,77.29351535836177,6.6919926489892365,25.60370175899186,7.61054688173877,1.3693177736938824,1123,42,229,16,26,380,157,293,0.113,0.7040000000000001,0.183,0.9668,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,5,0,0,1,14,18,2,0,10,0,21,5,1,2,1,45,46,22,0,8,12,0,3,4,2,0,2,0,0,3,9,17,0,0,4,3,0,5,13,5,0,0,1,5,32,13,28,37,3,39,0,3,2,2,26,13,0,2,22,135,41,1,0.1058944049022382,0.12546755382791966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386900064305508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216035479822184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614262173394813,0.09426847128057396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25820898540829273,0.0,0.18021667816069467,0.0,0.0,0.0936549957184932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22886846404554198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994225572400999,0.0,0.08922060331836892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053543392889430864,0.07565098402086154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362750909008064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036446128692115,0.0,0.08469342923830737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486058701154414,0.10454880145459826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548537967083298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517703769927236,0.0,0.12218792560222624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058196795556333177,0.08631807353327241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082842035779758,0.0747963498520572,0.20693862920893605,0.0,0.09350669960410993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114766963574206,0.0,0.14137067511154824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167229324359337,0.0,0.0,0.09937472551703172,0.20750806658630588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341384701017822,0.09246290982302846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141756797918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064531251576405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783866736158163,0.0,0.20911589928952845,0.2273819219805457,0.0,0.09043324318931308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990520965063014,0.1128693459268824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122375859865997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022782290330732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785285883269006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171004073886517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273779306632129,0.0,0.0,0.0873739742035867,0.1873777909222966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911064592064552,0.0,0.0,0.1020784274751064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819252487259861
bpd,Shesabadflower,2019/10/13,20F Just looking for a friend I have bpd and I'm bipolar. I just want someone to talk to who knows how I feel,-1.2493333333333323,0.6402158000000036,0.8760000000000012,103.62466666666668,91.0,3.333333333333334,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.8028666666666666,85,3,22,0,3,28,20,25,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5545630701009064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263719315863692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401873450808706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419863687055708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697548650172535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37307864224559534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35390962958735955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597100107654974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spookiki,2019/10/13,"Spiraling I started therapy and medicine a few weeks ago after being diagnosed with BPD. But somehow, I still keep spiraling down.  Nothing seems to help. I feel alone and afraid. I push everyone away and the one person I want to hold me tighter seems to leave quietly.  I keep missing work, I haven’t gotten off my couch in days, and I have no interest in doing anything except scrolling through Reddit. I don’t know what to do anymore.",4.301045296167248,6.483555585365857,4.663937282229966,82.48890243902441,72.41463414634146,8.10034843205575,32.44599303135888,8.841846274778883,2.951921254355401,346,17,62,7,7,109,61,82,0.128,0.8170000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.5511,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,16,16,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,2,11,1,13,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,3,6,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845915448123747,0.0,0.0,0.2156730778311839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651739624682244,0.0,0.0,0.17136317272852802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564764516268354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26227006568309913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429709932294345,0.0,0.0,0.21135847152114995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198981542497866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529202974621428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957839046039053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370185255157348,0.0,0.0,0.11444285463018065,0.0,0.0,0.2204953152479999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998111919079708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141108315871608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182649485086308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791464135733472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473928242298805,0.0,0.1663001467687163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381397488277928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282491434135988,0.0,0.1670369783335647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160066571781994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cowboysonly,2019/10/13,"I have been doing better but I just sent some regrettable texts :( It’s been almost a year that I’ve been going to therapy and I’ve really been doing better at keeping my BPD under control, but I’ve been super stressed lately with a new job and I’m spiraling. 

I sent a million self-deprecating texts to my boyfriend along with some mentions of wanting to be killed. I haven’t done stuff like that in a really long time and I’m extremely upset with myself. I’m worried that he’s going to think I haven’t progressed at all, and that I’m still the exact same shitty person I was before therapy. I feel awful. This is the exact stuff I used to do daily. How do you deal with taking two steps backward?",2.8954694835680783,4.67997026056338,4.564436619718311,83.41430751173712,75.26760563380282,6.986854460093897,23.10093896713615,7.793537801064563,1.2140967136150231,555,16,106,8,12,187,84,142,0.215,0.6920000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9674,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,5,3,7,1,2,6,1,16,0,0,3,3,26,30,7,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,3,0,2,9,1,12,4,15,20,4,16,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,7,72,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178533273888604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748103964355252,0.0,0.0,0.2857845635731869,0.0,0.0,0.20348712598603474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121036778444896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656778307547193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533844148581173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169278665671946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364372757006167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603296439601209,0.14360757004078842,0.1787491966572992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822538479444157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893314363692765,0.0,0.0,0.14298111029953758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604176005289558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107347999837302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070070453432094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168548909591817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129027073024455,0.0,0.18507367536078895,0.0,0.3699095673438656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147776656373455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36953033847603467,0.0,0.0,0.1035251750316634,0.0,0.0,0.0942106213272907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782681956510913,0.0,0.0,0.13954142716416726,0.0,0.0,0.09529600243820277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407844206203215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404341386255114
bpd,olea-m,2019/10/13,"24-11 That's the day I arrived, it's now the day I leave.",-5.427999999999997,-4.862687133333335,-1.0533333333333308,111.52000000000002,120.33333333333331,2.0,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.2263333333333333,43,1,14,0,3,16,11,15,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7729176560624669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6345063411400254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thepapercutchronicle,2019/10/13,"DAE BPD symptoms flare up when you're in love? Intense mood swings, splitting, suicidal thoughts etc anyone else? bc i feel this way when im in love. it's like my emotions are on steroid.",2.035,4.5199751351351365,2.0499324324324317,96.84084459459463,81.43243243243244,4.781081081081081,28.16891891891892,5.985473137389443,0.9086270270270264,148,7,31,1,4,44,33,37,0.1,0.621,0.27899999999999997,0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,4,4,1,7,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818250170869252,0.26644024892394064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275094807777324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722886109400824,0.2925083954313553,0.0,0.0,0.2900117480199516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314833162618084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808862826831984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704171216442714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693899311036186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284439993906425,0.0,0.0,0.2702796453005813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644158110652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064065161829969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Diana-Silva,2019/10/13,"Restlessness on Abilify? About  2 weeks ago I started on Abilify, but it’s made me so restless that we halved the dose a few days ago. I’m less restless, but my anxiety is more crippling than ever before. I broke down over an assignment that wasn’t due for days because I was too anxious to start it.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, I just know I feel terrible lately",2.9996491228070132,4.45436457894737,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,74.26315789473685,8.224561403508767,29.771929824561404,8.841846274778883,2.407471929824561,292,13,60,6,6,98,56,76,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,1,1,9,13,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,2,9,0,9,10,3,14,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,10,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493515094830916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938951340954818,0.2863360721679757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450600911971327,0.0,0.21567459920414106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269196558342025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292678131096532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815628297355303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27858843442637593,0.0,0.2859123389722471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128413875494492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398286542604565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35879860110598505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330919931888988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,charliebocch,2019/10/13,"anyone else in the red? me and my partner just split , my fault due to my disordered thinking , it was amicable and we are okay , he was my fp , i feel very empty without him though i know we were damaging eachother , is anyone else feeling the same right now , does anyone have any advice ?",4.456272727272727,5.780610581818188,5.219772727272726,82.12965909090909,70.45454545454545,7.6818181818181825,28.29545454545455,8.07648339933343,1.8689090909090909,222,8,42,3,4,72,44,55,0.141,0.802,0.057,-0.723,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,11,10,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,10,1,3,7,1,4,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890298223212512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523365713243747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699054474569536,0.4590557317030845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567383891541683,0.0,0.19603534971385028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742683553977773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265354810208973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311172643143355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913059402910448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353853187869833,0.22009170677200754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848342457097453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594060837424653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,birthreynolds,2019/10/13,"Help me I’m spiralling. Too much information down below. So I got back together with my ex. Yes I’m a stupid head. But we resolved a lot of stuff and agreed to start fresh, he can’t bring up my past bullshit, I can’t bring up his(this was huge problem our first go around) We’re doing long distance which I actually easier for me to handle. I also work a lot now so I have less time to obsess. I’m a lot better now.
But something happened. 
So here in Canada it’s thanksgiving weekend, my family all went to my aunt’s, I refused to go because I don’t like her, my mom told her about my mental breakdown and hospital stay in the summer which is what caused me to have to move back home and sort of caused my relationship to end. My mom already apologized, my aunt is very selfish and was trying to get my mom to come visit her three hours a way and wouldn’t accept a no without an explanation. I’ve forgiven her.
My aunt proceeded to tell my cousins, her children. I know this because my cousin who I have never spoken to outside of family gatherings ever and I haven’t seen in a year randomly messaged me on Facebook. “Hey, how are you doing? 🙂” so fuck her. 
Anyway
So I’ve been enjoying my alone time. Hanging out with the cats, relaxing my sore muscles from the past work week. I ordered takeout. Been watching a movies. It’s been a good day. Well my boyfriend got off work, we talked for a bit and then he had to go because he to drive home, he’ll text me when he gets there and then had to “Shower and then go to his parents for thanksgiving.” His family and mine celebrate early so everybody can be together. His family has been for as long as we’ve been together. I could have gone this year but I didn’t feel like it because I don’t know his extended family very well and they’re a rowdy crowd, I’m very sore from work, like can barely do the stairs sore and his mom tends to be very critical of me and with our three week break it’s probably going to be worse.
Well he didn’t text me when he got there but brushed it off, he’s probably tired and rushing to get to his parents’ on time. His job his very physically demanding. I’m being good.
I got a message from a friend on discord. I responded to it and I saw there was activity on my boyfriend’s server(I’m a member of his server and a few of his friends’ I occasionally join calls and chat with them, they’re good people) I shouldn’t have looked. Turns out he’s been on discord this entire time. The last 5 hours. Playing games, chatting with his friends. He didn’t go to his parents’ house. I really don’t want to be a psycho about this, I promised I’d stop doing that if we got back together. I’ve been doing so well. But wtf. I want to blow up at him so bad but I know I can’t. I know I shouldn’t. I’ve already sent him a validation seeking text, not involving but he’s been doing the last few hours. I need to stop. I need something to do. Somebody help. I’m literally looking at the alcohol right now which I know is going to make me send him a bunch of messages. Literally help.

Okay he responded as I was writing this. I asked “Are we okay?” He said “hey, I just got home. And yeah lol I was busy with family babe” yeah I really wanna drink.",1.0098239199865515,3.2593209546142217,2.8966193898134165,90.64684201126242,83.78063540090771,6.334854597411328,22.191145570684146,7.594959193182576,0.9542097663472852,2505,86,542,44,72,835,274,661,0.096,0.7609999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.9708,5,1,4,0,0,0,71.0,6,1,1,7,33,28,2,1,26,6,54,8,1,4,3,78,106,44,0,11,11,13,1,3,3,4,5,1,4,2,18,32,2,3,9,7,0,19,17,6,4,3,31,8,89,22,74,65,10,86,0,0,5,1,91,23,1,6,43,335,107,5,0.0,0.0,0.0571568881136623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259463141188035,0.0,0.06066193551188949,0.12926920283367027,0.04683924120497358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052140645249631135,0.05475601785252797,0.0,0.0,0.13511254799706346,0.04890437363811969,0.14281745450576067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180132701080485,0.06394440820457213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059807582617579,0.0,0.0,0.1203371887423373,0.0,0.05045376653329235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676421114651809,0.0,0.0,0.037773476692065315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737732302784261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187655849286655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298086083346616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312933948068174,0.0,0.029615278747866413,0.04184316417816041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982049848788722,0.0,0.0,0.13575552550046738,0.054147984618792826,0.091802856197438,0.0,0.2330109109630973,0.14737983368365867,0.2810676775957856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051794179093797736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011078693903569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777680468197912,0.0,0.17625459244675695,0.0,0.17304203468692758,0.0675831186829363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058122721622626924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094556486105796,0.09548643336613424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584455789502858,0.0,0.0,0.1036670582677925,0.09836984773755332,0.0,0.0,0.14938501641537655,0.0,0.0,0.03909662541229244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902583437908662,0.0,0.0,0.2743907864548669,0.0,0.06225174845013458,0.04305645521281908,0.08685937113000089,0.045173598456513774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510863250435828,0.0,0.11182537426900037,0.04060578580908001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629897951755276,0.056044577096172984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504421873099504,0.0,0.0,0.06288337961310554,0.0,0.050019349925315634,0.05571447366928087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018169945916106,0.0,0.0,0.041456885060762484,0.06242893775179127,0.0,0.09793602766387263,0.0,0.0,0.06704983020364483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707718500706943,0.05119367241720284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661298265373406,0.06731879674377474,0.0,0.05596714073190905,0.0,0.039765892880650314,0.06370847470495054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241636218934763,0.06909343630604617,0.04649096696012541,0.09396431404111484,0.0,0.2106496037834361,0.054295942823398106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564603944703676,0.0,0.170561664901584,0.0,0.059688895762408475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543566156867383
bpd,Cynthia_Crowley,2019/10/13,"Lately, I don't want to spend time with my best friend because her life is going so well and she is happy and I am mentally ill and things are going downhill for me My best friend has her own small business, works another part time job she enjoys, and is planning to buy a house with her boyfriend. She is doing well and I'm happy for her. 

I'm also sad for me. I wouldn't say I'm jealous, but I just don't want to be around her because it makes me feel like shit about myself and life a loser.

I go to college, but I don't work right now because of my chronic physical and mental health issues. I feel like I'm going nowhere with my life despite being in school and getting good grades in school.

My relationship with my boyfriend is tumultuous and her relationship with her boyfriend seems to be going well. They are on again-off again type couple where they have dated and broken up a few times in the past few years but they have been together now for 3-4 months again and are saving to buy a house together by this time next year.

We are best friends, I don't really think she judges me but I just don't want to expose myself to anyone anymore in terms of being myself and being vulnerable when I feel so shitty about myself.

Comparison surely is the thief of joy. 

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Is this something worth distancing myself from her?",4.412049148606812,5.457287577205887,4.916687306501547,85.31035603715172,70.28676470588235,7.491021671826626,24.977554179566564,7.669130373188453,1.1583426470588236,1079,29,216,12,19,344,134,272,0.11199999999999999,0.688,0.2,0.9766,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,3,7,18,24,2,0,6,0,28,7,1,1,2,39,48,20,0,4,6,0,4,3,3,1,6,1,0,0,5,19,0,0,6,0,4,5,6,5,3,0,1,5,41,19,31,41,8,33,0,2,0,0,22,10,1,1,21,149,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623294600280857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995864307992557,0.0,0.0,0.09453874226214493,0.13330967220501164,0.09767374923246017,0.0,0.08486121661263514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433131415310196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001193314029394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547748266383143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834212766175972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963345399292865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622870480384888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280072755785785,0.20430482603814992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209481490054781,0.0,0.04980440900524077,0.0,0.2708825783153817,0.07995574233680698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295467107318285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132811478874346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199890563859357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949659326359477,0.09459731167727596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753297788566832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199678090901216,0.1397158318173566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636314948165908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213433562257773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608908051136777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138131742649056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322982239663964,0.09100038236195176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106889999891201,0.0,0.0,0.20469098812006226,0.0,0.08140871422885647,0.0,0.07580783520877431,0.0,0.19295197222309146,0.0,0.08678209614261198,0.0,0.0,0.09785176807288062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338736120026791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984454406368493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333100516506829,0.061081675272419964,0.0,0.0,0.22234369861693848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867895583590348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571311915653518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387983436120538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277489060690043
bpd,ZhangWeieExpat,2019/10/13,"DAE Feel That This Life Is Too Painful To Be The Real One And The Death May Just Be A Way To Wake Up To The One We Deserve? There is a peaceful place. A place I really love. The sun is always shining there. Worries are small. Worries are cute. People who live here have the luxury, the pleasure, of small problems; what to cook for dinner, what present to buy. This is the place I imagine beyond this life. I have a yearning for this place. Like I've been there before. Somehow it feels more authentic more right. 

I heard my housemate talking about me. Talking about how there is no cure for me. How I am defective because of things that happened to me as a baby, because of how my mother treated me. I am likely to be a drug addict et etc. All of this supports the case that this life is.... wrong. That there is no resolution to it. The severity of the disease practically screams in your face that you are in. The. Wrong. Place. Has anyone else felt this?

The hope, the hope does nothing but keep you bringing chaos into other peoples lives because you've deluded yourself into thinking you are better. The hope prolongs the suffering. The hope feeds the monster.

There are people who go to doctors in the netherlands. They ask that they will be euthanised before they have dementia; before they lose themselves. It is not murder.

Maybe it is desperation but I believe that this place, this place where you sometimes are asked to walk the streets in the early winter hours to pretend you belong, is not the final destination.

Anyone sympathise?",2.7992377057774966,5.601542982698962,3.2185341302296315,87.58550697284264,81.11072664359861,5.3023382615078125,25.71259305861382,6.714681859716394,1.192104036908881,1218,49,218,13,33,377,151,289,0.125,0.767,0.109,-0.4765,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,1,6,4,2,17,22,1,0,27,0,29,13,2,3,1,28,46,7,2,6,5,1,3,2,0,2,7,2,0,0,26,4,3,1,5,2,1,3,4,10,0,2,3,6,24,12,30,37,4,29,0,3,1,1,20,20,0,6,7,163,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200421384749803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022432176680415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802344049474207,0.08647378498318928,0.0,0.0,0.1577979346174304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434125027835235,0.0,0.21544461269890214,0.09508551177995596,0.0,0.07464149817068676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638299157505687,0.07385560187809287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978726900062028,0.0,0.0705021178378673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412396828992294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534641492957012,0.0,0.08103349769497457,0.09245180985304396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047964252456793394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463119860376449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352975079140732,0.08311316498926849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501513757408537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883439856547775,0.08246334963257708,0.0,0.1490466171911629,0.0,0.0,0.09441765592607756,0.0,0.0,0.07617078151566235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478723298258756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809803407401916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437797243930616,0.0,0.08980340810296987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755289021778664,0.0,0.6172317823582967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807556763541667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606124630434232,0.054066307161994384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207381415481191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534357839324388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346990772083411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577170196396978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566878770705293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606902331945455,0.0540776175321103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669897013368759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141668647034455,0.0,0.0,0.18454778833110733,0.0,0.0
bpd,icantkeepdoingthis8,2018/12/25,"Wondering if this is part of BPD I have multiple diagnoses (which I guess is pretty common for BPD?) and I’m not sure if this is a borderline thing. I just wondered if anyone else deals with it and what you do to help yourself get through it. 

I am frightened of everything, I have really bad paranoia. If I smell smoke I become convinced the building is burning down, if I hear a noise at night I am sure someone is breaking into my apartment to murder me, if someone doesn’t text me back or is slightly cold to me, I am sure I have totally ruined our relationship and they hate me, if my cat sneezes he must have some deadly disease and I am going to lose him, if I have a headache I have a brain tumor and am going to die. For someone who is suicidal, I spend a lot of time frightened of all the different ways I could die from disease or by accident. 
I also am always sure people are talking badly about me or lying about me or doing things behind my back that would hurt me. I never believe anyone is genuine and I am always searching for their ulterior motives or looking to catch them in a lie. 

My mind always goes straight to worst case scenario and I just can’t live with this constant terror anymore. Does anyone have any tips or advice or a better place to ask for them? I am losing it, which adds to everything because it makes me afraid I am going to have a mental breakdown in public or something and embarrass myself and/or ruin my life. ",6.3118750000000015,5.952365326388893,6.917500000000004,77.5275,65.875,9.144444444444442,33.625,8.472884824447931,2.6719958333333342,1146,45,214,14,16,378,159,288,0.248,0.71,0.042,-0.9963,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,4,4,7,19,2,3,10,0,33,3,1,2,8,49,46,25,5,11,19,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,14,12,0,0,3,0,1,4,4,13,0,0,0,4,43,6,31,43,6,21,0,5,1,0,16,8,0,21,7,168,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662567048311983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907534686771414,0.2468315102431825,0.0,0.0,0.06724268072194922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806368806134183,0.2074203305099385,0.10131558604782716,0.0,0.0,0.09244067566841016,0.0,0.0,0.15206724567112173,0.16512352503148497,0.06027712801957087,0.1092066367840194,0.0,0.11140537392363037,0.0,0.08745248206865339,0.0,0.0,0.24907509368592276,0.11038424255651333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685556651021663,0.0,0.07894867897674833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194228743843707,0.0,0.10036244692723292,0.2052463742358621,0.10330992181062693,0.0,0.0,0.08653169962027964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260264527272752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773628876848194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051661402636673966,0.0,0.16858957941822467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892890954501946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762482091173767,0.0,0.0,0.1114464214149738,0.0,0.06627805691416422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585448610889683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984279262474134,0.0,0.0,0.08731400719943302,0.0,0.08303539544045055,0.221245783222564,0.0,0.08406535265442311,0.0,0.0,0.06600404140419412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964910206929033,0.0,0.09984193392623268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626336113302283,0.0,0.0,0.0927934098409181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707882144297648,0.0,0.0685518491565179,0.0,0.10330992181062693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059783945206792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334589837398916,0.0,0.0,0.10616152028082944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513454360185676,0.07612366236513557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816010266638217,0.0,0.3727778530687122,0.0,0.0,0.07947705040094204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138469555470855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765848630373392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848738032496118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446512265007173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024244467948275,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heyitsblair,2018/12/25,"Fucked my boyfriends Mom Well I’m a terrible person. Her husband just died and i don’t know ... I don’t know it happened. But it’s just like why am I like this , why do I always have to do the sketchiest things ??? and  why do I fucking enjoy it ??? until it’s not fun anymore  of course and I am completely heartbroken and destroyed from My actions. So I guess what I’m trying to ask is , will there be a day when I make responsible choices even when I’m stressed?",0.5382870813397105,2.80726837894737,2.310813397129188,93.87751196172249,86.26315789473685,5.138755980861244,23.3732057416268,6.574015621080383,0.6102631578947371,356,14,78,4,11,117,61,95,0.235,0.644,0.12,-0.9363,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,3,1,3,0,11,2,0,1,0,12,22,9,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,11,5,5,20,0,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,1,6,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629147939242902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941732502008702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303927580280016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528439525952308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626977069243506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032013906737426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931890069691884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36201346553353936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156871807020187,0.0,0.17313839471786174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152045440205844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130835690105066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069281299952995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293094567930713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095819586853378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427930212541786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007563689911109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293005079604991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176040700350559,0.0,0.5300160174597192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kileymadison,2018/12/25,Christmas is always the hardest Every year around Christmas my life is crushed and I fall into a million pieces. Last year I was stuck in a jail cell for 16 hours and this morning I was thrown out of my boyfriends parents house and dumped. I feel so sick and empty and haven't been able to get out of bed. I brought this all upon myself yet I can't help but blame everyone around me. ,4.726923076923075,5.2189178461538495,4.411948717948722,91.21638461538464,69.25641025641025,6.752820512820513,28.42051282051282,5.6839178017228535,0.919217435897436,304,10,65,1,5,92,58,78,0.14400000000000002,0.821,0.034,-0.6314,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,13,11,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,1,10,0,11,6,2,14,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,44,12,0,0.2690018615221058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383109807622295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478937376922387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266456702875275,0.2570428065058922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601542378715378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054237000290765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030627746238725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649126473006715,0.3103920313152325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927242034070407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000397012322984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29869473299627153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464567584955342
bpd,Blahblahwahwahdumb,2018/12/25,"Taken from a response on r/lawofattraction but it's the first thing in a long time that's made any sense. “But . . . metal is hard. How can you shape something that's so hard?” 

“You shape it in the same way that you shape anything else. With something harder. You can't make something harder, or sharper, or better, without testing it against something stronger. It's the same way with anything else.” 

“Anything?” 

“Anything. Iron sharpens iron. That goes for men as well as metal.”",2.0554641909814317,4.919540045977012,1.8039080459770145,94.04920424403187,91.06896551724138,3.1366931918656062,25.08311229000884,4.713530739802397,0.3333791335101681,372,16,67,1,13,109,52,87,0.037000000000000005,0.846,0.11699999999999999,0.8426,0,0,4,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,3,0,12,6,8,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,2,4,2,11,4,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,3,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142142688074832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.552846306266198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854139049233972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806075138616217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286132320256353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30090703415262626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863373075497052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589218427484275,0.11211039248258502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171958251892641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158096891857402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793514748405403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666276435794788,0.0,0.0,0.1510105380414552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190136404469122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whymarywhy,2018/12/25,"I'm seeing a LOT of suicidal posts, just wanted to say a few things the holidays are hard. this disorder doesn't make it easier. many of us are struggling and feel hopeless with this event on top of the weight we already bear every single day. 

I'm here to say to you all that I'm on the other side of things. I am no longer suicidal. I haven't self harmed in years. I don't abuse alcohol or pills. I have been single for a year, I'm not sleeping with people constantly, I'm not starving myself, I'm not going through episodes every day. 

getting better is possible. We don't get cured but the symptoms can be so muted that you forget you have BPD. You'll hit snags but it's manageable with DBT skills. It won't derail you.

You KNOW you are trying your best, love hard, see beauty in this world and want to do better. You hope for a better life. You can HAVE that better life where you don't recognize yourself anymore because you aren't self destructing every 4 seconds. 

Dedicate yourself to recovery. Learn about limerence, codependency, attachment theory, and eat sleep and breathe DBT. Get to therapy, get to group, see a psychiatrist and adjust your meds if you're still spiraling. Learn how to soothe your inner child. Parent yourself the way your parents should have. 

Remind yourself why life is worth living. Remember all the hard work you've done to stay on Earth so far. You have survived so much. It is tiring. But it is noble. 
You can help others who struggle like you. 

Journal. Simple self care like showering, drinking lots of water and walking outside. take a nap. If you're manic, dance or sing to something. Keep going until you're tired. 

Killing yourself won't solve the problem. It is costly, you will cause loved ones irreversible pain for years and years and years and then you will be forgotten, never accomplishing what you could have. Never becoming better, never sharing the love you wanted to, never seeing loved ones grow up and get married, never finding a healthy relationship yourself and feeling genuine love, why throw that away for temporary pain? Die old, die having tried your very best with love all around you instead of alone and in pain. 

please decide to kill the beast/demon/disorder. Kill that voice that splits on you and tells you you're worthless and awful. Get mad at your bpd. Make it your bitch. Get a PhD in BPD and fill your arsenal with so many tools and ideas that the BPD is then the one struggling. 

Guys I am so far from where i once was. And I have still so far to go -- but I'm no longer in pain. It is only up from here for me. It is time to achieve my dreams, the things BPD took from me. 

I love you all. Remind your other pwBPD pals they too deserve to be here. We all deserve to love and live the way wish to. Stay on Earth to change it for the better. Christmas is just a few more hours. You've got this. ",3.0939988891974486,5.387219462093867,3.5599458483754525,88.51520896973066,76.40072202166066,6.3554012774229385,23.289225215218,7.395310329662975,0.9727310191613436,2258,70,438,29,52,704,261,554,0.165,0.622,0.213,0.9908,3,2,3,0,1,1,75.0,4,31,1,14,20,38,6,3,23,1,45,27,3,4,10,76,90,36,7,10,13,2,6,2,1,6,12,3,1,5,29,27,5,1,10,6,2,9,18,17,0,4,5,13,48,21,56,74,15,60,0,2,4,8,60,24,1,7,24,275,77,7,0.0,0.06218414158840972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056088698434428576,0.0,0.0543568822218409,0.057916638943739926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052049341982945786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672127403929431,0.0,0.0,0.04930979847847675,0.0,0.0,0.031993339349810294,0.05796369377035029,0.0,0.0,0.1101559941959695,0.2785033422525242,0.0,0.0,0.3305044656943597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351023355553918,0.053914817753322665,0.05552038416710151,0.0,0.0,0.056715814324591024,0.0,0.04190365335425821,0.0,0.0,0.06769478772261127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893878187285347,0.0,0.1203008430572304,0.0,0.0,0.05370864913169657,0.0,0.05141366433020717,0.0,0.053703529788259236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265835971335085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053074278137704635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047968795583625636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919425473811489,0.0,0.08948242562946604,0.0,0.04197569837526327,0.0,0.0,0.051966729461456286,0.0,0.0,0.14104421407567647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035178457168902,0.0,0.0,0.05212777012542401,0.051685489533281205,0.0,0.0,0.05924727000748761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046649578420261816,0.1741950232426139,0.0,0.028843455255612518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121154436171583,0.05128138959530898,0.0,0.09268745058378536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923886865217576,0.3789458992474128,0.0,0.07006603547593325,0.10641967986684146,0.0,0.0,0.05829712718165704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858127250876231,0.0,0.202391825295138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507240641775655,0.055893013513947834,0.10669214975954168,0.03991592312470501,0.22338377368535264,0.0,0.11655301212103275,0.0,0.0,0.03638531969222871,0.0,0.0,0.05761091520961442,0.0,0.059167047568932776,0.05026450436276959,0.0,0.0,0.050219440752800805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056347434853458424,0.05945336053265065,0.0,0.0,0.08347367111839069,0.0,0.0,0.1672896158248603,0.0,0.16425461916986392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504242795653036,0.0,0.0,0.040404217032493965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188045313666772,0.08382648017345584,0.0,0.0,0.16460085651461567,0.0,0.11481644804285818,0.0,0.0,0.05455025579473437,0.039460918362615886,0.0,0.045872727248209816,0.0,0.06001924027579985,0.0,0.10460273958860128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03060344079619739,0.1206436911397334,0.0,0.0,0.05831088980867991,0.07126544636335237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313096122415411,0.0,0.0,0.043304228202852346,0.09286805015116728,0.08331761900131696,0.0,0.06391053390484783,0.0,0.0,0.09471605012761007,0.0,0.06035321770202234,0.0,0.0,0.038208475596691854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898765826600531
bpd,TooPeace,2018/12/25,"RANT: CHRISTMAS IS SO BORING!! Christmas has been boring af to me for years now. I'm a middle child so the the year before my little sister was born was the last great Christmas I've had period. Now that I'm an adult I'm sitting here extremely pissed that I drove 4 hours to be at my parent's house for Christmas and we're just sitting here!

In my mind: ""You animals! You know I have bpd right!? Sitting here watching you watch the Fast and Furious marathon, not opening gifts, not getting gifts, nobody else is here and I CAN'T EVEN SMOKE HERE is a NOT my idea of a good Christmas. Hell it's not my idea of a good Tuesday! I could be in my safe cocoon of a bed watching the Grinch, high and moderately happy.""

Needless to say I know that my BPD let's my anger get out of control so I came here to vent before I literally storm out of this house and drive 4 hours back home. The CBT training isn't working at all. ",1.40534714445689,3.5399156489361734,2.705117581187011,93.29184210526316,81.34042553191489,5.2344904815229585,22.128779395296753,6.339386263674448,0.3050914893617023,714,23,154,6,19,230,106,188,0.14,0.794,0.066,-0.9464,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,2,14,11,4,0,12,0,15,1,1,1,1,23,24,8,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,5,9,0,2,4,1,0,3,6,6,0,0,6,4,19,5,17,14,1,29,1,0,3,0,8,11,2,0,12,92,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267126756194255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493696915486429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690946909684433,0.0,0.0,0.16758941326373816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434402022629518,0.11699097584615972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240564634117185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678060273955637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311004532009684,0.0,0.0,0.2458020801231134,0.0,0.16154803903367929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598216858004735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481526194649348,0.146979896678592,0.0,0.2886018460712843,0.3381481184691061,0.0,0.330825375811416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105631404504958,0.11944017386044488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983518019210496,0.0,0.0,0.14685991550416058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795187749547895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270240819543316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513442257410812,0.0,0.11652523658309552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667439442238794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887189250957118
bpd,_jess_we_can_,2018/12/25,"Merry Christmas I just read through the whole ""Christmas sucks"" thread and replies.

I just want to say that I appreciate this community. And since I can't reply to everyone on that thread, and some may not even want it, I want to open my inbox to anyone that is lonely and wants to chat. I'm spending Christmas alone, relaxing, focusing on NOT throwing a pity-party. But if anyone wants or needs someone to talk to I'm always available.  I live in NC in the US. 

I have BPD, and some co-morbid issues that typically come with it. But we are all just people with emotions and the normal wants/needs of anyone else. It warms my heart that this community exists.  I love y'all.",3.5083622484385835,5.413709343511453,4.457598889659959,84.31521165857045,73.88549618320609,6.9010409437890345,24.88619014573213,7.686295010490155,1.2871923664122131,528,17,102,7,11,171,80,131,0.054000000000000006,0.7959999999999999,0.15,0.8909999999999999,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,5,2,1,0,1,31,16,10,0,8,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,10,11,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,13,3,15,15,4,7,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,5,0,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776047920405635,0.0,0.0,0.14268769011273896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35971494660943243,0.1757047177405364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215976982118149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771752066915578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143252139561379,0.1928954250101868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326298111967124,0.0,0.0,0.1638594665158261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320831865268688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789838208618189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142273354199834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477020774431605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715255799326067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680170448082651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888480120868945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152952221705814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637025702963582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418526059853648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529708808464084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783163333779472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20627307493054814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057259252838266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145477550168288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EeveeLover666,2018/12/25,"Ending it all today I'm fucking done with this charade of life. 
I'll be dead by day end. 
Nobody will care or miss me. 
Just had to let someone know. 
Thanks reddit. ",-0.5752941176470578,1.6381614705882368,1.2914117647058845,97.9153529411765,96.05882352941177,2.72,15.623529411764707,3.1291,-1.1903929411764702,126,3,27,0,5,41,33,34,0.14800000000000002,0.7,0.152,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,11,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,6,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31016066327808856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618920405871654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31131073687367106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388765669091218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812356958917713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718494050352692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110736245801011,0.21487133750848506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25775472784112474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800741553537845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883539233659607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,221MaudlinStreet,2018/12/25,Just come to a conclusion about myself I used to think I had BPD because of how my parents treated me growing up. Now I realise I was always bad and their treatment of me was reasonable and 100% deserved. I’m going to stop seeing my therapist and just let whatever happens to me happen because I deserve every bad thing that has ever or will ever happen to me. The stigma is right in my case: I’m a disgusting pathetic monster who deserves to die suffering and alone.,6.975824175824172,6.674449000000003,7.976131868131869,70.29386813186817,64.49450549450549,10.356923076923078,39.079120879120886,9.888512548439397,4.136611428571428,373,19,62,7,5,127,63,91,0.253,0.73,0.017,-0.9738,1,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,5,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,3,2,16,17,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,3,1,14,1,11,12,0,10,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,4,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188148893120385,0.0,0.0,0.15415758840973945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30938162291544835,0.22587497072656665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333382136121271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959174007393834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227864820138346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33517052747484083,0.15609604856218892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052919174238354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491494911197128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944880074292986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571788328409946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048607725217906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582176245787498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476343898652883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489211355997926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151101078453612,0.12308364398476004,0.11871207718285315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001182965062927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amied97,2018/12/25,"Am i gullable or is it just my bpd? It's almost like my brain switches off when people tell me something and doesn't process what they say so I just agree with what they say, then it turns out to not be true and I just look like an idiot when I eventually realise what's going on. Like after the situation I know that I should process the conversation and straight away make the connection that it's a lie/joke, but at the time I'm just there agreeing and it's like I have no control?? I've probably not described this very well but hopefully one of you understand. 🤷🏼‍♀️",1.5767366946778694,3.746798487394962,2.9531302521008413,91.55277661064429,80.93277310924371,6.319607843137256,24.202380952380953,7.492282038375204,1.0262599439775917,456,17,100,7,12,148,82,119,0.057,0.7559999999999999,0.187,0.9211,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,1,9,8,1,0,6,0,6,1,1,2,1,23,14,11,0,2,9,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,11,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,3,13,7,9,12,0,12,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,3,9,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048063237320352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921617979754021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575972091812519,0.228322088727182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939674826989245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623858629006492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314351996636604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240383032919628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996902981306228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175291043506385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652474527897893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859419398900594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179470749653045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051693497576755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32529945813343464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298992489277017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745647377044908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876742590823758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926254799435003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246890081901952,0.0,0.2129219794350439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875790630191767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389620073583973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tazbio,2018/12/25,"We know ourselves better than anyone so DBT on our own can be useful There is a subreddit called /r/DBTSelfhelp and I find it very interesting.

You know that painful feeling you get whenever something arises? That awful awful hole in your chest? Believe it or not, it’s treatable. It actually is. Just like how we incorporate the wrong ideas into our lives, we can incorporate the good ones too.

I genuinely believe the biggest barrier here is ourselves. But check this post out. Have a skim read through, just see it for yourself. It could be the first, hell, could be the final step forward. Depends how you adapt. 

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bpd,Whatcheer216,2018/12/25,"BPD and death So my dad died on Sunday. It blows and is awful, all that Jazz. My family is lucky we are all together but I don’t know how to process everything in terms of my mental health. I’ve been shifting my anger and sadness onto myself. How could my ex bf leave me alone like this? Why do I not have anyone to prop me up? Why can’t my chosen family drop everything for me? I know it’s a way for me to process grief, but I feel so guilty for being self centered. I really want to be alone because I don’t have a FP to take care of me. That’s really all I want right now and I don’t have anyone. I really am at a loss.",-0.15295031055900665,1.6066359202898541,2.5339958592132525,94.4517391304348,84.72463768115942,6.2616977225672885,16.378881987577643,7.447530270364453,-0.031668322981365904,479,9,117,8,14,167,81,138,0.247,0.6659999999999999,0.086,-0.9767,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,3,1,16,1,0,2,3,20,23,10,3,3,3,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,22,3,15,19,4,12,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,1,4,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548859833839172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239591494311005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044392837925747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157802241895151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467918578330732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367905830885702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778102659374911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079551284676925,0.0,0.32302349409202474,0.0,0.08662802491329567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211247568456185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831355964829646,0.0,0.0,0.18141044206867413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370166587899207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265721165930134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292691842532023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463122305336824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873131443763482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288165016639096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021060808720765,0.13599131307704132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30919174553274176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShadowTenshii,2018/12/25,"Not really too much of a fan of winter break? Sometimes I just feel less grounded to reality than during normal school season, because during the breaks, I'm practically mostly stuck at home and not interacting with friends / people around my age... they don't really use online communication that much, so it's easier for me to feel lost / lonely.",15.189032258064515,9.609260806451617,14.200000000000005,48.47000000000001,53.83870967741936,16.916129032258066,43.903225806451616,13.816669648895859,5.898522580645162,278,8,43,7,2,93,54,62,0.142,0.7759999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.4544,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,7,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,4,1,9,5,4,8,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24715152793450865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924201804476915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807583741128845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449795639183566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784877429123508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030683529857485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081832375623413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27202061844674164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247521693772116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35571660521688897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809786181277391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745853542693375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978508883917865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pdxfonix,2018/12/25,"i dont want to think about killing myself every christmas but every time it comes around i really heavily consider it. please feel free to ignore this post, i just need to type this out so i dont explode.

im completely alone this year. i was supposed to visit my (ex)boyfriend of 3 years in chicago but i fucked that one up and they left me back in september (the day after my birthday, lol, no good holidays for me). everyone i care about is visiting their family for the holidays. ive been trying to stay upbeat and positive to my coworkers and the small handful of friends i have when they ask me my plans for xmas, but they dont know that ive been writing suicide notes in my head for days now. i tried to just enjoy myself and make the most of what i have but turns out the only way i know how to make myself happy for a little while is to drown myself in whiskey and mdma. 

the only person who was able to see through my mask was my mom. she called me asking if i was okay being alone for christmas this year (she went back to our home state to visit my siblings) and i said yes, but then she broke down in tears and begged me to see if anybody could come over on christmas and be with me because she was scared i would try and kill myself again. it really struck me, ive spent so much time for years now trying to convince people (especially her) that im no longer suicidal and that im doing okay and getting better. am i just a bad liar? or is it just mothers intuition? i dont know, but now i feel really guilty about my shitty plan to jump off my city's suicide bridge tonight. i dont want to fail but i have before and it was almost worse than not trying at all. people treat you so differently. i just wish it was easier to disappear.",2.9871588188347964,4.3862128435754215,4.162909018355947,87.98934357541903,74.19553072625698,7.348922585794092,23.40023942537909,7.957251820313856,1.0715982442138867,1370,38,290,20,28,448,187,358,0.21,0.624,0.166,-0.9713,1,2,1,0,0,4,31.0,1,1,4,4,20,20,4,1,8,4,29,4,2,3,1,54,54,29,6,8,16,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,16,18,1,1,6,3,2,8,8,9,0,1,12,6,56,12,48,38,3,48,0,2,2,1,24,17,1,5,19,201,72,2,0.08172684600029079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818376308508456,0.16928872985831042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275422003780922,0.15280713739403567,0.0,0.0,0.12568579975416852,0.0682385026776048,0.04981992676061784,0.0,0.06954352647961175,0.0,0.0,0.07228075382556312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345224737546912,0.0,0.08332596630605628,0.0,0.0,0.1408008824795038,0.08568904311299069,0.0,0.0,0.06525223635724793,0.0,0.0,0.10541410915381867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538715939783141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789162742127626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771678521041958,0.07809350368032034,0.0,0.0,0.07704479690604554,0.0,0.0826470979094211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314195848761765,0.07555515219841727,0.042698903883977866,0.0,0.0,0.06854860092109866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699974727183579,0.0,0.0,0.08387532219194026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197869013800681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648370542324996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083729251940076,0.0,0.13474481166027086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879645730883999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191177010510857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091066086491076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571749428161387,0.0,0.0,0.06007863542163736,0.060599420752110125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055380225957196036,0.12431389827189435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331820929403852,0.07136072957605054,0.0,0.08971153479707564,0.0,0.0,0.07827172708143032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570689308498418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774094580569588,0.0,0.08182283020985003,0.0,0.1302514301036202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710994373343796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681877141613569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236726293158028,0.0,0.0,0.0953111622653106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774358187156545,0.08889533999370605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640922248107396,0.06487096628347558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576160502850239,0.0,0.0,0.09398183955749546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328663819408423,0.058056406540841925,0.0,0.0,0.2105176372171509
bpd,carlosnorth,2018/12/25,"SO and the holiday Does anyone else dislike the holidays? Besides the dying spirit and my fractured family, but in a way that  my boyfriend is always busy. I know he is busy and that he is with family, but I can’t help but get anxious. ",4.842482269503545,5.329637361702133,6.337021276595745,77.53333333333335,69.0,9.670921985815603,30.56028368794326,9.725611199111238,2.8878709219858165,184,7,35,4,3,63,33,47,0.085,0.735,0.179,0.5735,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,6,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479982109777657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336707230128353,0.0,0.2084007460643992,0.30538342603750696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30932477119727464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608221293653185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489792518323729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5619426295469697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571677316896826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997740020178309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637983286410227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236575102008794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,badwolfpelle,2018/12/25,"Need some general advice I’m a 21 year old male. My best friend and FP started dating another friend of mine. Lately, they’ve had to spend a lot of time together without me. I understand that this is normal, but I’m still pissed when he’s not with me. I have no romantic/sexual attraction to him. I keep freaking out that I’m gonna get too jealous and lose him. He says he understands the idea of having a FP, but what if I go too far? I keep getting so anxious and scared that I freak out and start sobbing. The anxiety is too much to handle for me. I called him last night crying and he calmed me down, but I want to be able to calm myself down without needing validation from him. How do I make sure I don’t lose this friend?",2.0476670040485807,3.6794629671052657,3.7200000000000015,89.21730769230774,77.22368421052632,7.3085020242914975,23.534412955465587,8.139509932561175,1.1997564777327936,569,18,125,10,13,190,99,152,0.248,0.609,0.14300000000000002,-0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,7,16,2,1,5,0,8,1,1,2,1,30,25,12,0,5,7,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,1,1,21,8,17,22,4,17,0,3,0,0,14,5,2,3,11,79,27,0,0.14494227712666471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416359157093008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198461531725932,0.11088044527744008,0.16374351697420025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210797761655911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800227046441006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921228545863722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33594613128959144,0.0,0.15145271505361455,0.0,0.0823740362871707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362218844139667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576627112110702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814730104626098,0.16350120184009231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243066666121986,0.0,0.12322474082821055,0.0,0.0,0.09675009547727584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654925096025157,0.2149457238649941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601850842424834,0.14201265742480712,0.0,0.0,0.1520925379290647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526391632814803,0.1451125047884745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518177952811906,0.0,0.11575108974292653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660638087049026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451700738747465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017800443056081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549071037421642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794383657457675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333807435034988
bpd,aholo,2018/12/25,"PMDD and BPD Do they go hand in hand? If you are treated for BPD, does it help the PMDD?

Have you ever thought you had PMDD and it was in fact BPD instead?",-1.6835294117647095,0.2546671176470596,-0.09682352941176477,107.86829411764708,98.41176470588236,2.72,15.623529411764707,3.1291,-1.5750988235294114,118,3,31,0,5,37,24,34,0.0,0.763,0.237,0.8638,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,2,6,7,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9093925382653928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062264340604125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771085842427348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678525913470496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132422694036305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107480797213766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yo_wheretfami,2018/12/25,"Does anyone else have ""lost"" their childhood memories Every time someone tells me about something that happened when I was younger it is surprising to me. I can't recall 98% of what happened before I was around 11-12 years old. Could this kind of memory loss be related to BPD, or to physical and emotional abuse during that time (I definetely remember being abused as a child, but I don't remember how exactly)? So I'm wondering if anyone else here has a similar issue.",7.441022727272728,7.574283784090912,8.035363636363638,68.80054545454546,63.43181818181818,12.494545454545454,36.91818181818182,11.979248473330829,4.8709018181818164,375,17,63,12,5,125,70,88,0.078,0.888,0.035,-0.5499,0,0,1,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,1,1,11,15,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,8,2,8,9,0,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,3,6,41,13,0,0.0,0.3804485897005887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245191674556279,0.3290028172332016,0.0,0.1429226356047124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661536181058498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220582716317814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818530106477571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049749927720875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682361526568397,0.18059599957203026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526944484493394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28394587560730034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675714290997538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718706262803154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525818326553252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846915321058592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637414072115043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360326345540093,0.12359845287977662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032688995544526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872348092856662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410852639402696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338828296391528
bpd,Halexander_Amilton,2018/12/25,"Weighted Blankets I got one for Christmas and it seriously changed the way I sleep.  I HIGHLY recommend them.

Merry Holidays everyone.  I care about you.",2.837435897435898,4.961432230769233,4.253846153846155,72.2828205128205,111.30769230769228,7.887179487179487,35.1025641025641,7.793537801064563,4.679148717948719,122,8,17,4,6,40,23,26,0.052000000000000005,0.524,0.424,0.9193,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,6,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517594112154224,0.0,0.36497350782076776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32967064280348257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27593501214143584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645206835221864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337868558778952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452579082118644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738518845498509,0.0,0.42012770797382176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candleman87,2018/12/25,"Should I talk to someone? Hi, I’ve been following this sub for a few weeks now I feel like I relate to a lot of things people are saying. I suspected I had BPD because when I was interviewed for an IOP I had some markers for it and I think my new psychiatrist thinks I have it. 
I have always gone from feeling empty to feeling crazy bouts of emotions, usually anger or if something bad happens then suicidal thoughts. I am always paranoid that everyone will leave me and that no one truly loves me, that fuels the suicidal thoughts. I dissociate regularly and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. 

**anyway after my long ass rant lol,** my question is should I bring this up to my therapist? I feel like someone would have said something to me already and she’d think I’m being dramatic or a hypochondriac. 

Thanks for any advice. ",2.8511111111111127,5.674673859872618,4.046061571125269,81.58958775654636,81.10191082802547,7.310544939844303,28.46744515215852,8.344100000000001,2.576986128803964,664,31,116,15,18,216,104,157,0.214,0.684,0.102,-0.9593,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,5,1,18,4,1,0,0,24,35,9,2,4,3,0,4,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,11,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,9,6,22,4,15,20,3,12,0,0,0,2,8,1,1,6,10,83,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758381928198465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553714326826164,0.0,0.2343064165633573,0.0,0.0,0.09574582806233732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175584351112208,0.08582768374922145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732711455448066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290455829899196,0.0,0.0,0.16136394203473348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583760861567398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453621818732825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847619193116921,0.20116879268451296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245050736605504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490821986255674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757122506916092,0.0,0.0,0.12459966497808317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969937418962595,0.12707351537713166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598125643625045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540673438267616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976099330399358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772328136791305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339288462433276,0.11196630285763272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23859128996554746,0.2167826448926383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080150428839114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316616055294185,0.0,0.1296256611305675,0.0,0.16347452971903004,0.0935383326151174,0.270648383525339,0.0,0.223551940021719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506644895125352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293772819495305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001714623439598,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eyewangeye,2018/12/25,"Bpd and Christmas I really hope you’ve all managed to cope with the stress of Christmas today (if you celebrate) I hope you’ve found time for yourself if you’re overwhelmed by people and I hope you’ve found someone to talk to if you’re overwhelmed by loneliness. Christmas is hard for most, but when you struggle with instability and interpersonal issues it’s even harder. It can be so exhausting be  around people and equally exhausting to be alone. Merry Christmas to you all. <3 ",4.312534332084893,7.171060303370791,4.707116104868914,78.92811485642947,75.17977528089888,7.1016229712858925,28.990012484394512,8.167268648758528,2.38954581772784,393,17,65,7,9,124,52,89,0.193,0.674,0.133,-0.7866,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,4,9,0,4,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,19,10,10,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,3,13,5,4,4,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,7,3,42,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003574921254955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719363707887542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432542328069735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756775887638042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235381087121484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730163313364005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5754975520447869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015889452737376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267799196255175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373102169632255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636476783057453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124227611207847,0.2019128293607848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523935882100598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262202609717528,0.0,0.18307501276282456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SilverCharm99,2018/12/25,"‘Merry xmas! But it’s not my responsibility to validate your emotions! Especially on Xmas!’ Thanks dad! I love you too!! Thanks for reminding me that my inability to deal with emotions properly is entirely my fault, and is in no way your fault or responsibility!

You say as an adult it means it’s not your fault. And you claim because I’m an adult it doesn’t matter what you say, I should just deal with it and get over it cause that’s what adults do. Cause ‘I’m an adult now’. 

And. You’re right. I am an adult. And I should be able to deal with you being grumpy on Xmas day. If I had a normal childhood.

But you forget that this isn’t a new thing ‘because I’m an adult’. Ever since I can remember, all you’ve done is invalidate my emotions. Tell me to grow up and get over it. And when I pointed out today ‘yeah you’re right, as an adult it’s not your responsibility to validate them. But as a child it was.’ All I got back was ‘I see you still haven’t grown up. It’s not my fault you act like a child.’

Well dad. That’s where you’re wrong. It is your fault. I spent my entire childhood being told to get over it and stop making fuses over nothing. When I was just hitting puberty and was cutting myself and wanting to die, I got told to grow up and deal with it. That’s on you, and mum. At least my mum has accepting she handled things badly, and apologised since. You’re still acting like me having BPD is MY fault for being weak and wrong. Well it is NOT. It is YOUR fault for acting like everything I ever felt was WRONG because as a fully grown adult you wouldn’t have felt it. I wasn’t allowed to be upset or hurt because you wouldn’t have been. My emotions were, and still are!!, invalidated at every step!’

Fuck you! Now I AM an adult I can see how toxic you are. I’ve let you ruin my emotional well-being too long. Today I realised just how toxic you are, and how much your ‘grown up’ view of the world is damaging. Fuck you for making me feel like everything I do is wrong. Fuck you for winding me up to the point I have a nervous break down AND THEN BLAMING ME. YOU are the reason I am so fucked up. YOU are the reason my emotions ruin me. YOU are the reason I am broken. Fuck you.

Money doesn’t fix the psychological damage youve done. And you need to stop making me feel like I should worship the ground you walk on purely because you earn over 4 times what I do and can help me. You help me financially, but its your fucking fault I needed the help to begin with. It’s your fault I can’t even deal with emotions at school and/or work. I blamed my mum for so long. But it was YOU. Not her. She’s only ever tried to fix the damage you’ve done, and I can only say sorry for blaming her. She can only fix, or rather hide, so much.




I’m sorry for the rant guys. I can’t say any of this to my dad because he’ll kick me out and leave me on the streets. He’s never let me be my own person. Any time I disagree with something said, I get blamed and made out like I’m making a drama out of nothing. Like I’m totally wrong to be upset about ANYTHING. I am NOT him. I am my own person, and I am entirely entitled to my own opinions and thoughts. I wish I was strong enough to believe this every time he speaks to me like a piece of dirt on his shoe, unfortunately I’m sure he will make me feel so small and pathetic I will hurt myself later today. 

I really need some support. I wish I was good enough for him. I’ve spent my whole life trying to please him. Realising I will NEVER be good enough is heart breaking, it’s killing me. Even though right now, I know it’s his fault, not mine. But give me an hour, and I’ll go back to blaming myself and feeling like I’m the biggest let down on earth. I really need some kinda words. :-/ ",0.9909615384615408,2.9883784294871814,2.8028205128205137,92.77884615384615,82.01282051282051,5.538461538461538,18.974358974358974,6.67199483983844,-0.028179487179486706,2885,70,652,30,78,958,263,780,0.182,0.721,0.096,-0.9967,1,0,1,0,0,3,96.0,0,35,1,3,33,56,8,3,28,1,75,11,2,15,10,118,133,52,2,15,22,6,6,9,0,9,2,6,0,13,34,38,0,2,14,1,3,10,20,35,2,0,25,15,125,21,73,87,16,85,1,7,3,7,88,39,6,8,42,432,159,3,0.04876939191501287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632971775183473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040133054124559066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075001304055476,0.04072040515017456,0.17837621190157008,0.0,0.0,0.05494640404765978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142334186345976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019919928800472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03145222319405448,0.2513955080378274,0.0,0.0,0.05061492911379551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972406090081045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840130120658678,0.0,0.15117545618526526,0.0,0.06442344680955281,0.13234412126252762,0.08218063219004809,0.0,0.08766156956933899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863707963399583,0.10452258998601137,0.09365252860071932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705191017955065,0.10191997757269493,0.046784044640022865,0.02771676931637953,0.08181090418037124,0.0780106757663477,0.0,0.0,0.04828936550873704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779196423475715,0.09806728615791677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802802719039298,0.0,0.10441728543515308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395610636740527,0.0,0.026802382366707112,0.0,0.0,0.05163974429370795,0.0,0.1496100223814862,0.03444726379184074,0.21443635307283213,0.0,0.0,0.08631875432304524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04401628028748605,0.04614677782454974,0.16276973901902836,0.0,0.0,0.053124165032602505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170222907137715,0.14464754460104368,0.07522792316500332,0.047101782612835916,0.0,0.0,0.04778364935435903,0.09359109372045686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127396055300147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516710379410154,0.0,0.053534147149154984,0.0922056780404844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624858425448168,0.15042917225815994,0.0,0.0,0.05524621401493588,0.12494638267197228,0.046390859789551514,0.15513351164351355,0.0,0.049357228291563936,0.07772578232361686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068508992217781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03754506055309032,0.0,0.10918668287986424,0.0,0.0,0.11684189814396308,0.08154679077952771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055342928001715086,0.04596457471785383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262659813168331,0.08980060740179288,0.0,0.0,0.06480043388729677,0.0,0.04791567994077262,0.038717449586580265,0.0853134738561142,0.0,0.13868304324033776,0.0932024878823414,0.0,0.0662224316066624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028765450922848757,0.038710873273797325,0.0,0.0,0.13154862090032687,0.0,0.0,0.05444928441771946,0.11216478771876373,0.0,0.0,0.03550469815478373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666083705583152,0.0,0.0
bpd,assblasters_inc,2018/12/25,"Can I get my guilt out here? Christmas has always been hard for me and this year is no exception. I’m currently holding back tears because I feel guilty for my feelings and it’s making them worse so I wanted to get it out here.


My mum got me a make up set for Christmas. I only ever wear bright coloured make up and I really don’t like nude make up at all but she got me a nude set. I’m really fucking grateful for it because I know she struggles with money and it’s a nice set (for someone else) but I feel bad because I feel like she doesn’t know me.



I don’t feel like I know myself but sometimes I think there’s things that’s ‘me’ like wearing bright make up and when someone else doesn’t pick up on it it makes me question my whole self. She doesn’t see me wear make up a lot but everything else about me would suggest I don’t like nude make up (I have bright blue hair, my clothes are coloured, I even have oddly coloured neon shoelaces) so I feel kinda bad that she doesn’t seem to know that part of me.



Like I said I’m grateful for what I got but I feel like she doesn’t know me very well and I thought it was something obvious about me but now I don’t know and it’s making me think I’m not that person after all if people don’t see it? I thought it was something people would know but now I’m confused about who I am.",0.4373403019744444,2.4337133902439056,1.832289198606272,98.96525145180028,84.08710801393728,4.662903600464577,20.36806039488966,5.6839178017228535,-0.2842338211382112,1041,31,247,6,30,333,118,287,0.087,0.743,0.17,0.9827,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,15,18,1,3,4,0,22,8,7,10,4,61,65,18,0,4,10,1,9,7,0,2,0,1,0,2,18,10,0,1,20,0,1,0,12,6,1,0,9,19,47,12,26,54,5,22,0,0,9,4,14,11,1,6,15,151,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138634404167685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596923974325956,0.14326653135564485,0.15689517983214304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500621065534914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056665225507585314,0.07760434900990461,0.0,0.0,0.07710488733519459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30365533407231976,0.18387082422656004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931390752121212,0.08964622041968143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584861971295834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685334851083188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33004571512847003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933976313131215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293782929895545,0.0,0.0,0.5154052433817156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524916398318728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290506199441036,0.0,0.1189556199796128,0.07491081867425138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610738444346008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992191614027333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160844107695002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673124308735848,0.07810239168247078,0.08950042775099193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453836404537602,0.13209472192483435,0.08485110855856193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968908844507324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569968137542831,0.10994491119247232,0.0,0.13621953624355387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078790783181109,0.05060271823670581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713788108403981,0.0,0.0,0.09578441182688224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743002333091228,0.12188925110763499,0.0,0.0,0.05524764335718907
bpd,almond-22,2018/12/25,"Interpersonal relationships I've figured out the formula to success, removing all interpersonal relationships from my life.

I can't handle them, my BPD symptoms only flair up when I get close to someone. It takes me away from the areas of my life I need to fix.

I know people push this idea that society is important, but for me, a woman with BPD, I'm better off limiting myself to superficial interactions. I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with anything more and at this point, I don't care. I'm saving myself and the other person a lot of heartache.

I want to be a productive member of society and this is the only way. ",4.94966023875115,6.538363231404957,7.012011019283751,68.73599632690544,69.57851239669421,10.336455463728193,30.79981634527089,10.504223727775694,3.6444813590449954,505,21,88,15,9,178,78,121,0.045,0.875,0.08,0.4482,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,2,4,0,0,8,0,7,3,0,0,1,17,15,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,15,4,19,14,3,12,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131882002832492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276273738370804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626282580160328,0.0,0.0,0.4631846648963329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874794607228351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895737688870608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684195583514253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607050273166183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757984953990466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105647233052842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597619056854199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563294893215239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363458142326522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27970035802242105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127480290420464,0.16055824721631387,0.0,0.0,0.17382746847142705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948398651064354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558022118720077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112330220115148,0.13825601576887944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108458082400575,0.14595658849876747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toomanyfeelings16,2018/12/25,"Christmas brings out my abandonment fears For the past few years my (24F) family has really struggled with Christmas (dad left, bad divorce). Christmas Eve always seems to involve someone breaking down. This year, I mentioned I was sad we weren’t having our traditional dinner and my mom immediately burst into crying and yelling that food doesn’t matter, why can’t I focus on the important things, etc. I know it’s just a redirection of her own pain, but being yelled at by my FP (my mom and I are extremely close) sends me into a tailspin of self-loathing and abandonment fears. I feel like I ruin everything just by being myself and caring about stupid things like little traditions. Does anyone have any recommendations for dealing with family dysfunction on Christmas, especially when you often play the scapegoat for your family’s way of dealing with their mutual trauma? 

Tl;dr: annual family Christmas drama causes symptom flare, advice welcome.",6.627325783972125,9.387628335365854,6.750522648083623,67.52914634146346,67.47560975609754,9.319860627177704,30.61672473867597,9.784248007369934,3.643567595818815,773,31,107,19,14,247,119,164,0.22699999999999998,0.667,0.106,-0.9724,1,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,2,2,1,0,5,16,1,3,5,0,10,4,0,1,0,24,15,7,0,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,13,2,2,3,2,0,2,3,11,0,0,2,3,20,5,20,11,3,20,0,4,0,0,16,10,0,2,8,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030612727244925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095622252962917,0.0,0.0,0.09068121616631572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324002566185988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134001430907026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595717837868387,0.13698513363681508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464765220630289,0.0,0.2749518759348366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669373787984545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148718274640358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984458865537495,0.0,0.5028345261610667,0.30010715738062804,0.06742475803808967,0.09526384148802856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124493707768006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328457625165721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488299771275134,0.0,0.0,0.13029419924844418,0.13364973288866105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123511438489058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418916791604023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272957595097659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542614663823392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139501564272748,0.13911105143917088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298533199106872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940428788706713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859963533872122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718097866751353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584543961009002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032583364785962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174348659735245
bpd,Babbit23,2018/12/25,"Be strong To anyone out there feeling weak..
You can never heal where you were hurt.
Look after yourselves",2.8077192982456154,5.832116789473687,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,91.63157894736842,2.533333333333333,16.859649122807017,3.1291,-0.8602771929824566,85,2,14,0,3,24,18,19,0.14,0.6609999999999999,0.198,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,3,3,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.391452380809558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830713727518305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993191290096007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470123683007101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43178227819809295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,winniethewhom,2018/12/25,"I live in the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma. It's hard to find adequate help. I also have a very small budget. 

If I can't get professional help, what can I do?",-0.14088235294117624,1.9895652058823536,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,88.11764705882355,6.9294117647058835,20.264705882352946,8.07648339933343,1.0864941176470584,123,4,28,3,4,44,29,34,0.044000000000000004,0.726,0.23,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,18,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33183060204681075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792513388424322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167911367899356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37170836007980695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562564920546562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366403192951874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423722927301533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TransBPDthrowaway,2018/12/25,"Christmas sucks (TW: Suicide, Self Harm, Hospitalisation) I need to vent, and I'm not sure where else to do it. I'm dusting off an old throwaway because I'm not brave enough to post this from my regular account, which probably has enough information to identify me. I'd rather play it safe.

So, I'm lying in bed, and it's Christmas day here in Australia. I was born and raised in a very traditional family, which wasn't exactly religious (more just Christmas/Easter Christians), but it had that mentality. Christmas in particular was a huge event in my house, growing up. It'd be days and days of amazing food, family, presents. It was tough, and draining, but my mother, for all her faults, could throw a celebration. They were strict parents, especially my Mother. She sort of had a very set view of how the world was, and how we (me and my siblings) would fit in to it. We were held to a pretty damn high standard. It was tough, and there was always a lot of friction between us growing up. Dad, on the other hand, was pretty passive. He always dealt with problems by disappearing and working on his motorcycles or something, and coming back a few hours later after he'd calmed down.

Things weren't ideal, but they were stable enough, right up until the point where I came out.

Since I was maybe 12 or 13 or somewhere around there, I always had a sense of 'something isn't right'. When I was 16 or 17 I thought it was a phase, or maybe just a fetish. Later on I suppressed it, ignored it, and minimised it, because that was easier to accept than the possibility that I was transgender. I've been out to people for two years now and it *still* feels odd to write that.

Looking back now, I see a lot of the borderline symptoms that developed over the last ten or so years. The intensely black and white thinking. The complete lack of any real sense of identity. Extreme overreactions. Wild, erratic, relationships. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about, having either experienced it yourself or knowing someone who has. I did what I did best, and suppressed that too. I wasn't ready to approach it head on and handle it.

Things went really fucking sideways a few years ago. Please bear with me and my vagueness, I don't want this to be too identifiable. I did a dumb thing and attempted suicide. I don't feel like it's a good idea to describe my method of doing so, but needless to say I wasn't successful (that's a weird way to think about it). I never actually told my family that I'd attempted. It just never occurred to me, even though I sat in a psych ward for a few weeks with nothing else to do.

That was the kick in the ass I thought I needed. I ran headlong into fixing this gender bullshit. I saw a therapist, for more than a year, and started hormones. I came out about a year after my attempt. Finally, I thought, I had the fucking answer.

You can probably guess how it went with the family?

It was a shit show. At the time I was legally an adult, but I was no longer allowed to live in my flat, as it was owned by them. I spent a few months sleeping in my car, and stayed with friends as much as I could. I even ended up living with my boss from work for a while. I moved cities. I lost my family, I lost a lot of friends, but I also gained some people that I've never been closer to. Looking back, it kinda strikes me as a bit of a BPD red flag, idealising someone like that, but even then, I'd not even considered that I might be borderline.

Coming out did, however, fix some things. I felt okay in myself. The intense dysphoria wasn't gone, by any means, but it's manageable now. I still feel a lack of self, for want of a better term, but less so than I used to. I want to say it was a positive step, but looking at how it cost me my friends, my safety, my home, and my family, I can't be sure it was.

After intense suicidal ideation, and ongoing self harm, I'd bounced in and out of a psych ward for a while after I moved. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist, who finally gave me a name for what I'd been experiencing for years now, and told me I was borderline. She also told me that there was 'nothing else she could do' a week later. That fucking hurt, because my borderline diagnosis has me doubting so much about myself, and particularly my gender identity. Just thinking about it makes me panicky and scared.

So what's the point of me typing all that?

I'm lying here in bed, the only person at home, a box of Seroquel next to me as my only way of coping, wishing I was dead. This time of year fucking sucks. In quick succession, I've got a string of anniversaries of traumatic events mixed in with events that should be family occasions, but only serve as stark reminders that I don't have a family any more.

Over the space of a month and a half, you have the anniversary of that first suicide attempt, my birthday, the anniversary of my coming out to my family, Christmas, then new year's.

All I want is some fucking relief, but it never lets up. Even if I could go into hospital for the suicidal thoughts, I'd be risking my job. I already lost one position because I was in hospital too much. No-one seems to understand how much is riding on me having this job. It's a good position, with great people, for a company I like, and it pays well. It's a shot at stability after years and years of volatility and uncertainty. 

Really, all of this (and thank you if you've made it through it all) is just a vent. I haven't posted here under this account, but I hope you'll understand my use of a throwaway.

Look after yourselves, and merry fucking Christmas.",4.577353388027955,5.513530780309938,5.560890428441205,81.24545110908541,69.820419325433,8.694786994834399,29.57652993011243,8.954980946260402,2.312939651169857,4354,164,863,78,75,1436,422,1097,0.147,0.74,0.113,-0.9912,5,0,3,0,0,3,169.0,3,5,3,16,54,54,11,3,66,1,80,13,5,11,14,171,155,79,6,21,32,4,5,3,3,4,1,2,4,5,72,55,1,5,21,2,5,20,19,26,1,5,66,20,111,28,141,72,34,149,1,4,11,7,43,57,12,22,69,617,183,13,0.0,0.0,0.04265697653548473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038748386727464036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823769745013999,0.06991354774413892,0.10911660371856366,0.0,0.0,0.08917775049970739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891328507135615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083636425585307,0.0,0.10658664260368772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587344515542623,0.038660047174238814,0.0477225967049436,0.0,0.05505421140743843,0.0,0.0,0.09999063344164168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296303242704175,0.045831597952870326,0.0,0.0,0.1396031116047167,0.0,0.0,0.08457260509247129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954825137336666,0.0,0.07743238694070742,0.13549971837971148,0.0,0.14435807107879525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708732674668874,0.0,0.0663068770361,0.03122813245131125,0.041970739070877686,0.09576954958993826,0.0,0.037181727436906585,0.05285718246831268,0.0,0.10131622726415757,0.2424683413205823,0.0,0.0,0.024842752464807227,0.07332773954553032,0.03496078286675404,0.04819305241200395,0.04815411389173496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044861512104873616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046184528625630786,0.08769416090114933,0.043416255672281856,0.043047888346743904,0.050438216687374055,0.04679500603953268,0.049345955454082005,0.0,0.0,0.0867555828968326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804636088735857,0.035631423280571325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469886936018298,0.0,0.06406698147291179,0.0,0.07719766340426946,0.0,0.146829557214365,0.0,0.14315167680006285,0.11148810493866856,0.0,0.04136171014225165,0.02917835256377702,0.0,0.08782992054592231,0.04761559569731637,0.0,0.0,0.0440517969958245,0.04637192654597119,0.0,0.0,0.06978160811131652,0.09291868261440732,0.12853451335992894,0.06482435063314369,0.1348547265590067,0.04221768824299221,0.04648861121016834,0.0,0.0,0.08388641358839262,0.0,0.04586878878125973,0.0,0.029620639447011512,0.0997357024638263,0.0,0.0,0.04853742411622258,0.0,0.0,0.09091397955492336,0.03816796347276776,0.0,0.047983065806124915,0.08264465491134224,0.04927913966866532,0.08372875215662337,0.08894240910830523,0.09425867613755068,0.041826843430987366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049754257413880607,0.05600653889984367,0.0,0.0,0.046930736384632535,0.0,0.07466026603272592,0.0,0.06952367688969012,0.043763717288789486,0.0,0.0696662135603951,0.0397941083227941,0.13680463453689878,0.0,0.044870129109005605,0.03615933180482239,0.0,0.04374394778085546,0.0,0.07407471412783324,0.06730385023953123,0.0,0.0,0.03093984700067189,0.04659158013497326,0.0698175250267071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907124032055696,0.0,0.12359520030975997,0.04543389918414045,0.0,0.035134354624236766,0.0,0.04024448584550047,0.0,0.0507534414096496,0.11616224966903906,0.08402738273343767,0.04294719064707473,0.13881098553281265,0.0509780797015606,0.0,0.0,0.12530715480232146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270064284409562,0.09101225674272807,0.05258061004239999,0.07550692157025178,0.0,0.07213458157992073,0.10313077525851234,0.06939370396744979,0.07012686784581368,0.0,0.039302678567499416,0.08104362695127527,0.0,0.0,0.05026707883516197,0.0,0.0,0.06364626537305282,0.0,0.0,0.03105202003084185,0.0,0.0,0.28149339053192063
bpd,SaltyJunePlum,2018/12/25,"Here's to the new guy I got really close to recently I hope I don't treat you as badly as I did for the other guy. I really hope so, you're a good person and you don't deserve shit thrown at you. 

Sigh. ",-1.98035460992908,-0.1869055957446797,1.7756382978723408,96.28416666666668,94.31914893617022,5.686524822695036,12.088652482269502,7.1686216300943375,-0.5612241134751774,155,2,40,3,6,57,32,47,0.111,0.62,0.26899999999999996,0.768,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,6,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,8,4,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,2,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364739850360828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461828268780567,0.2046489698656304,0.0,0.0,0.5067187950750197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082890753687666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24712851660003055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342275447152055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278439311635623,0.0,0.25264860424833463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26265503649885513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Danbut15,2018/12/25,Will I be ok? My pmdd plays such a defining factor of my BPD. I go way off the rails especially when something triggers me. This time was seeing a picture of my ex best friend and ex bf together. This has been a very difficult thing for me to process and move on from. I just feel like I’m playing on expert level because of my BPD. I just wish I wouldn’t get so down on myself. Seems like it always goes back to thinking so little of yourself. Sometimes i don’t think I’ll ever get that confidence back. I just need reassurance that ridiculous life will become more tolerable and I learn to manage this awful mental illness.,3.61,5.3325290322580665,4.662129032258068,83.72319354838713,73.19354838709677,6.895483870967742,26.916129032258066,7.554174236665415,1.512070322580645,496,18,95,6,10,162,87,124,0.086,0.7120000000000001,0.20199999999999999,0.9247,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,0,4,2,8,2,0,1,1,16,19,6,0,3,3,2,1,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,2,15,8,14,13,2,15,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,7,63,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468474620497033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28589319831432697,0.0,0.11332368675886295,0.2053133436430974,0.0,0.0,0.19509191029396544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682722754663004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815833885526796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399726619449733,0.1328079021359188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362685756993618,0.0,0.1942514782064965,0.0,0.10565197401019852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313075624837435,0.18164393743075985,0.1863219073335346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734475247453253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758362634225576,0.0,0.1378434337745602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813924090936914,0.16923753131762695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311587748512442,0.18386110633328956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350454121765868,0.2382360507831393,0.0,0.0,0.10840052364062597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338801425314347,0.0,0.14755977258209393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137772822952911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,val2020,2018/12/25,ATTN BATES MOTEL FANS anyone else realize oddly quickly that Norma Bates (the mom) has BPD? holy crap. i watched just a few episodes with my friend who watched every season and i immediately realized she def has BPD. my friend even thought it was crazy how i realized that so quick ,2.664093406593409,5.657955903846158,3.1917582417582437,85.41038461538463,86.11538461538461,6.048351648351648,24.736263736263727,7.447530270364453,1.584941758241758,225,9,40,4,7,70,42,52,0.09,0.794,0.11599999999999999,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,8,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,6,2,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,0,3,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860972604756704,0.2727006503263326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6704095853147368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233296932136976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578861288656022,0.0,0.22424163956230636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112514324177588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117099752177606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129222649170806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IthinkIHaveBPD,2018/12/25,"I cant stop thinking of my ex I never knew I had BPD until the greatest relationship ever with my amazing, beautiful and loving ex. It was also my first relationship. All the time, I would tell her I love her and that she made me the happiest I've ever been, yet my depression was still kicking in and I constantly felt suicidal. I would constantly build up stress from my shitty marks in school and my constant fighting with my family and ""friends"" (who dont give a shit about me). I really loved her and one day, I would be telling her how much I loved her and spend the whole day with her and the next, I would be freaking out and losing my shit over really stupid arguements. I'd lash out over small things she said and sometimes for no reason at all. I would always apologize and try to explain to her that I don't know why I would act the way I would, as if I don't have control of myself but she saw it as insincere. She saw me as unappreciative and toxic because she would do anything to make me happy and it looked as if I took it for granted. I didn't understand why I would do what I did and I couldn't take being told I was evil by my girlfriend and I snapped, breaking up with her to get away from it all. Immediately after, I beg her to forgive me and I instantly feel lonely and suicidal again. No matter what I do and what I'm given, I feel empty and worthless. A day hasn't gone by without a thought of killing myself in my mind. I just wanted to share my story with people because I don't have any friends who would listen or care and I'm too embarrassed to talk to my parents or go to q therapist but I know I probably need one. Everyday I wonder what's wrong with me and why am I so different from everyone else.",3.976743697478992,4.6425078823529455,5.349625350140059,83.2024212184874,71.01680672268907,8.751120448179272,28.320378151260506,8.959647251330699,2.082184033613445,1362,48,287,25,24,458,178,357,0.153,0.7140000000000001,0.133,-0.8883,2,2,0,0,3,1,27.0,0,0,0,3,11,26,6,2,9,0,33,6,2,5,6,76,68,35,3,15,8,3,3,0,3,10,0,2,0,0,14,29,0,2,13,0,1,4,12,15,0,3,18,8,67,11,44,36,6,37,0,4,3,4,40,12,2,5,19,216,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258253572175873,0.06511655199309095,0.0,0.0,0.05321781863756059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439929697162354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352554578684539,0.0,0.0,0.09541015416095557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856264667467443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978878942427438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25370583524780355,0.08777249846730951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140894004268265,0.0,0.06740311450060953,0.0,0.0,0.08176248512626423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171726761539598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537414255217004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157687145998654,0.0,0.07477844418469104,0.0,0.0,0.07377425488224619,0.0,0.07913873890644459,0.0,0.07513952193599037,0.0,0.0,0.0665658333927698,0.0,0.0,0.1209231804429402,0.0,0.04088634073720214,0.07507177437719179,0.044475570006700035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330661884605192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865803859981019,0.0,0.08601660746892092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571663365594516,0.08755018270724696,0.0,0.0,0.2825219827050655,0.07404918748977371,0.052237523356915616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901781837164587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575283048377486,0.05802698289586699,0.060357048200536785,0.0,0.08322779391378309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605868453868234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689574986845967,0.0,0.0,0.05425393271821402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437487664125129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002675828776083,0.08046179679707421,0.0,0.1680386466433285,0.0,0.0,0.07444085234789243,0.0,0.0,0.07920082016632636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066050420333194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739871954920773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249658177810007,0.06542681725884418,0.08964376092579313,0.0,0.0,0.1712021194193878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883993951279092,0.0629004556135279,0.13680109883750274,0.0,0.0,0.09086304908015094,0.05199083993017604,0.050144279148548916,0.0,0.06212775449811196,0.045632607654602066,0.0,0.0,0.07477844418469104,0.08694701926983484,0.053131740559594604,0.0,0.0,0.08146887109154254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046158331502849516,0.062117201851942236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118458043419041,0.08737176159646771,0.0,0.0754374870921516,0.08486697644066543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559191932083987,0.08556234757224189,0.0,0.0
bpd,icraveyour_chocolate,2018/12/25,I’m in turmoil One particular person is causing me turmoil. He’s currently not talking to me. Our relationship lies on what he wants. And he’s not talking to me. ,1.5571875000000013,4.203935343750004,4.492500000000003,77.1025,86.1875,6.95,33.0,8.07648339933343,3.1688500000000013,129,8,23,3,4,46,23,32,0.231,0.769,0.0,-0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072905124098837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686626927220315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461879295568182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256673131948642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6373454791402595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385207325645746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rynoIA,2018/12/25,"How to “act” happy for someone? My FP has a great life and can do whatever they want. Money isn’t an issue. I on the other hand am not that lucky. I have no one to spend Christmas with and we got into a small fight because I’m not acting happy they have a family to do family shit with, or I’m not excited about all the expensive shit they got for Xmas. How am I supposed to feel for anyone when all I want to do is be off this planet. I just don’t have the balls to take my own life. ",0.8893977154724837,2.152645084112152,3.3831152647975067,91.98273104880579,79.46728971962617,6.6247144340602295,18.430944963655246,7.3871296695380915,0.14562596053997945,372,7,89,5,9,130,66,107,0.14,0.711,0.14800000000000002,0.23399999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,0,3,0,5,8,3,0,7,0,14,5,3,2,2,19,22,6,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,3,2,6,3,0,1,2,2,11,5,15,19,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,2,1,65,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445106657348481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125986028620403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896660882179834,0.0,0.10450015003675656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305907819777919,0.22785786782154416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400148038122649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571306407174476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29195870339716884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400470692374249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242940189905389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511348188078651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539248141189707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380234682265425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yungferro,2018/12/25,"Hypnotherapy Has anyone tried hypnotherapy? 

I’ve just been referred to a new psychologist after being diagnosed with bpd. She specialises in hypnotherapy and that’s my new treatment plan and I’m honestly very nervous about it. 

If anyone could please give me some information on it or their experiences with it (either good or bad), it will be greatly appreciated! 
Thank you ",6.423020833333332,9.53842609375,7.191875000000002,62.498958333333384,69.3125,10.516666666666666,32.541666666666664,10.504223727775694,4.469872916666667,306,14,45,10,6,101,53,64,0.034,0.758,0.209,0.9094,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,9,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,7,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34294320282992496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047581006077588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088605520146487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579743770233035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24890486078526755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398835117777556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524844814071344,0.0,0.2056885888929369,0.0,0.2703686492043971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736923175236383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691905998354305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257762629964321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664961247733224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234171116571306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Brokenbeats013,2018/12/25,"Does anyone else feel inadequate/underappreciated during the holidays? I was recently diagnosed and haven't had a chance to unpack this with my therapist so, I wanted to know if anyone feels like this durring the holidays. I feel like during the whole night I feel disappointed and overwhelmed. I can't pinpoint what it is about the holidays but for example, the gift giving aspect I feel like I put all this effort in giving everyone I care about the best, most thoughtful things possible (even if that means incurring unreasonable debt) and I feel like an afterthought for everyone when they dont try in exchange. I dont really know how to put it in words but I just end up feeling like less than.",7.261569767441863,8.117161697674419,7.712703488372099,68.48672965116282,63.8062015503876,11.721317829457364,33.179263565891475,11.45678717892309,4.149549612403101,565,22,96,17,8,186,82,129,0.024,0.6579999999999999,0.318,0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,7,9,0,1,8,0,7,1,0,1,1,26,22,10,0,3,5,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,12,3,2,2,4,2,0,0,3,7,13,7,13,19,5,11,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,3,10,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703511393313759,0.12481340767929044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783686083241674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419805803722428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236392098458233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660073857530128,0.0,0.2855315040748577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176043037391937,0.0,0.1078915398627976,0.0,0.0,0.08045736517067836,0.0,0.0,0.2327980564136264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311516963117097,0.4351217146116548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23371124335467794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338921881592056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29756219408840506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269176230358706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143147085677286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732760856351822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449145477425033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803752361291476,0.0,0.12027717792319273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143608800840474,0.08092817802656822,0.0,0.0,0.09670715039738936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270408719387944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184938105036899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600160117570684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GoofyBananas,2018/12/25,PSA: Be careful of what you say to a stranger Some people like to record the conversations and others like to post them on places like youtube. It doesn't seem to matter if you're just venting and not serious.Obviously we all need to chat. I'm just saying that I've seen this happen too much recently and want to caution you to be more careful with your words so that they're more accurate. ,5.330769230769231,5.9727448974358985,5.470923076923079,83.62407692307694,67.97435897435898,8.804102564102564,29.70256410256411,8.841846274778883,2.1197302564102563,314,11,64,5,5,99,59,78,0.013999999999999999,0.83,0.156,0.8371,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,3,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,16,11,5,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,5,5,10,8,5,4,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,3,4,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.520481629860568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257136342905369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37410163623718057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763554429839185,0.18926204327361126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695578245564056,0.0,0.2666782628677253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444555874318341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25202512257369586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059645184416092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323668244375034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055099711124612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abandoned-banana,2018/12/25,"Advice with new FP Well, I've finally met someone who I feel like is my new FP. I've been separated from my ex (also still a lingering FP) for about 2.5 months and it's been rough. But I found someone who is amazing and sweet and kind. 

Basically he is a great guy, but I need an unreal amount of affirmations and reassurance. He isn't doing anything wrong. He's said nothing about not liking me, he texts me every day, he is very nice. He's quiet, but I need to talk about things that I get anxious about to feel better. 

 I can feel myself becoming super overbearing. It's to the point I can't really help myself. I feel irrationally rejected over the smallest things that aren't necessarily rejection. He's not super into his phone or social media so I worry when he doesn't text back soon enough, or when he isn't constantly avaliable to see me like I want to see him. 

We last hung out Saturday night and had our first kiss. I'm really wanting to ask where I stand with him because hasn't said anything really about the kiss. He's super quiet and I know he's experienced some kind of trauma, like he's trying to push me away because he's afraid almost.
 
I really want to talk to him about this but I'm afraid I'll just seem even more overbearing. How can I talk to him?

Tldr; FP is quiet, reserved. OP is overbearing AF, how can talk to him about stuff I need to express without seeming more overbearing? 
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bpd,gotthethings,2018/12/25,"Supposed to create my own family, but how? I have my husband, but we moved to a new state and it's been harder than I thought to meet people, especially given the mental illness I have. 

It occurred to me recently that I'll never get what I wanted or needed from my mom. But I'm still so angry and confused by it. so many people seem to have cut off contact and moved on, and I'm well I to my 30s and afraid to go out in public. How do I move on when I'm still not well, when she still affects me? Maybe I am the loser she always believed.

If I don't have a strong sense of self, and keep pining that someday she would understand, I'm never going to move on. But I'm just tired of tryih. It's been years of therapy, and I'm seeing only I can help myself out of it (and my great therapist), but otherwise it feels like I'm more screwed up and immature than I ever imagined.

No one's coming to save me. But to save myself feels scary right now.",3.4067393800229624,3.6402735621890585,5.175323383084578,85.49676234213548,72.08457711442786,7.77665518561041,24.91427477994642,7.61054688173877,1.103353310371221,730,19,160,8,13,251,113,201,0.175,0.7020000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,2,14,12,2,2,4,0,11,3,0,3,3,42,32,23,0,4,10,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,13,0,1,6,0,0,7,5,5,2,1,4,3,24,7,26,27,2,29,0,1,1,1,11,9,1,4,13,112,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768095667828087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580274493373108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147677792828976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706035175163225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199789609238665,0.0,0.13086895504944454,0.09245179183654843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761230671616689,0.0,0.1470953783806446,0.0,0.0,0.14267692941642346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674197919378336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502712416581558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322405226510151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120321923866182,0.13001151356060744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304166226473414,0.0,0.0,0.15156549683468173,0.0,0.5501769096302643,0.0,0.09595718508013402,0.19962066459540134,0.12498669048963652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769276217494637,0.09842347993147896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794356488432076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777850705482427,0.0,0.0,0.11051694148666698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312442289285427,0.11781161184442004,0.13500469610428012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100452116553533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799363332603513,0.15025703530331852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273848715668928,0.0,0.14873978833777565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472221286482805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633041281773391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327134396017113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193040590793253,0.0,0.0,0.08333693468668697
bpd,blue-cyclops,2018/12/25,"Why does this happen every year? So I would like to start off by saying my bpd spiked recently and I think it's because of the time of year, but whatever the reason, my paranoia has been off the charts.

Two of my most worst memories happened around Xmas and new years 
The first being on New year's when I was 14 my girlfriend at the time wouldn't stop kissing me even though I told her to stop multiple times, when I finally pushed her off she got mad at me for not finding her attractive or something along those lines
The second was two year ago when my exboyfriend tried committing suicide and it was my fault because I told him I was exclusively into women (i told him before we started dating but he wanted ""just one date"") and when he realized I was serious he freaked out and told me how horrible of a person I was and that he'd wished his attempt worked because he never wanted to think about me again
On top of those last year my girlfriend at the time cheated on me on Christmas day because I was spending it with my family and she ""needed someone""

And this year the girl that I'm dating is so fucking amazing and she's nice to me and my family loves her and my friends love her and she's become my fp which scares me because with my track record, everything ends around this time of year, or something explosive happens and I think the common denominator is me but I don't know how to prevent anything like that from happening again and I'm so fuckin scared",5.2297504069452,5.988841202749143,5.427144149032376,83.43174172544768,68.24398625429554,8.463085548923855,30.09242177608971,8.532816995589336,2.136968384879725,1174,43,231,17,19,371,151,291,0.151,0.73,0.11900000000000001,-0.9305,0,0,2,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,4,18,19,4,2,10,0,16,5,0,3,2,50,40,29,1,6,7,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,3,12,22,0,3,7,0,1,1,4,10,0,5,13,1,47,9,32,23,2,53,0,0,0,5,32,15,2,3,39,158,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701585745116563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149667497855534,0.154687215088001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648130143682112,0.09595460044612933,0.07393038117197392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942513110710643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603185274858519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603122765706707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769518704955812,0.0,0.0,0.057384895543274965,0.0,0.07320202856961892,0.0,0.07808414889328967,0.0,0.16380967405359176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517523956878997,0.07940878703046524,0.07390198307376873,0.0,0.0,0.06712499775666522,0.08032122448051437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948765863686064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30731868711752913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04774820313390428,0.07082061597711899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848925409832526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682921492653576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442207494780669,0.06700893427082369,0.16782280421163925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887364966465826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586221472122595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932940582139945,0.08578572361548935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909223894245599,0.1739685440817377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361503414491212,0.13377237541320414,0.0,0.0,0.1229913835083978,0.0,0.0,0.1452748743669705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503506143212484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701188041994405,0.08536135287559657,0.0,0.25330864398586683,0.0,0.0,0.3320787878557557,0.0,0.058987333161542324,0.0,0.16974263447324864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249078422287143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839770168752874,0.0,0.0999102802726855,0.0,0.0,0.0632513004444108,0.0,0.0,0.06171864560676051,0.0,0.0,0.4475944764592897
bpd,kodakblacc_,2018/12/25,Is anyone interested in a texting buddy I know this is a long shot & I don’t wanna be annoying posting this but My only friend is my boyfriend and I know that’s not healthy but it’s really hard to make friends out of high school for me. Also the holidays are really depressing for me and I’m gonna go crazy tomorrow from loneliness. Just wondering if anyone would wanna be Snapchat buddies or something with me (18f)??? Pleaseee message me anyone who is interested :):),2.6950000000000003,5.411099611111113,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,80.66666666666667,8.044444444444443,29.0,8.841846274778883,2.9394666666666667,375,18,67,10,10,125,67,90,0.171,0.665,0.16399999999999998,0.3343,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,17,16,7,0,4,6,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,4,10,12,0,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,2,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681110653470425,0.0,0.23955839265914144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637882678732846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904304311305592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341637824246523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565446024124993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805938948524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23360100794673466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24301814190717494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956637939896831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758389382674805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815415116377072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174970796448625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28328066406529856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376186088598365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702111910905731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397701505647307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570608901692082,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miltty4565,2018/12/25,"Can I tell a therapist that I think I might have BPD? I just found out about BPD a few days while I was looking through the bipolar subreddit. I had suspected that I have bipolar disorder for a long time and scrolling through the sub was making me feel a bit better on a rough night. I somehow stumbled upon this BPD sub and I relate to almost everything posted in here to a scary level. I know that I shouldn't be self-diagnosing, but everything I have looked up about this illness perfectly describes everything that I have been struggling with for the past 6 years.  


My question is: Should I tell my new therapist, at our second meeting ever coming up this week, that I was looking up BPD and think I might have it? I don't want to insult her by ""doing her job"" for her, and I don't want her to think that I am just saying this to try to obtain certain drugs.  


Thanks!",6.830533076429031,5.94146429479769,6.912447013487476,79.74062941554271,65.01156069364163,10.00102761721259,33.67308927424533,9.150863307647796,2.7421925497752087,685,25,137,10,9,220,97,173,0.096,0.792,0.11199999999999999,0.758,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,3,7,6,1,1,9,0,21,4,0,1,3,30,35,6,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,6,6,27,4,23,24,2,21,0,0,3,0,11,9,0,5,10,104,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190967134681386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884102608079287,0.12201098473308745,0.0,0.5630220492028924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962697741845726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207477897436665,0.0,0.0,0.11343219768741745,0.0,0.0,0.12808455370757738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960400504527333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109166983948513,0.0,0.0,0.30132313122704096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650829250951914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253707321500874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109027466147816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141937163386426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890247027676242,0.2815461662911577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459945130829082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371155306919097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793674425407723,0.0,0.10487747889204213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668582614023807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703344124654447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519473587820099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887458840538494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658815270186995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683391244138305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953631461798219,0.10289191467189493,0.0,0.2595197157133288,0.0,0.21483038266416712,0.0,0.0,0.06516709204494002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587646653381175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183573730674986,0.0,0.08964566885385415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719686021844183
bpd,Moialminhas,2018/12/25,"Merry (insert holiday here) Everyone! Just wanted to wish you wonderful holidays!

You work so hard to be in a good place though its so hard, we're all tough fighters though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, for that I'm proud of you!

Always remember: Asking for help is the first step.

Have fun and an amazing new year to all!

P. S.: Be safe",1.920819327731092,4.240508602941176,3.1221008403361346,89.98088235294121,80.61764705882355,6.8268907563025225,21.478991596638657,7.957251820313856,1.0530521008403362,267,8,55,5,7,86,57,68,0.09300000000000001,0.524,0.38299999999999995,0.9827,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,3,0,3,6,7,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,10,11,5,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,6,7,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837387966847073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064356187178186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110016721079995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165253850786036,0.1577528795007326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878282211441408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521219734517666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956202538773127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801007876196107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788083281455346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132680171182186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23070847843179784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25014447145453217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839527984248092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339063824329649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024455422957978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539305365987125,0.0,0.2394683940134264,0.1607585988006347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219996340181446
bpd,333person333,2018/12/25,"All alone I could post this in d.i.d. forum but I feel this is a more bpd thing. I am pretty drunk and alone on the holidays.

 My little sister is also alone and going through a harsh breakup. I drink and feel that there really isn't a point to me being here.

Sorry for being depressing but no one relies on me or cares about me much in real life. I am empty. Why can't someone just care enough or love me haha, in a way that doesnt make me want to die? 

Haha, but I but I guess that's a lot to ask anymore. I just want to be happy, I'm so fucking sick and tired of being sad. I get tired of it and won't allow it anymore, but the limited support sucks. I want to love like other sane people.

I'm sorry this all sucks but I love you all and thankyou for making me feel better. Thanks for paying attention to this demi pointless post!~ s.w. ",0.6874219725343309,2.645557005617981,2.7846441947565563,92.71126092384522,82.87640449438202,5.079151061173533,17.192259675405744,6.139981653823899,-0.33944294631710337,649,13,142,5,18,219,104,178,0.275,0.491,0.23399999999999999,0.1541,0,3,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,2,7,17,3,0,7,2,13,10,0,3,3,34,37,16,1,4,10,1,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,11,6,2,1,4,3,1,1,5,5,0,1,0,3,19,12,18,31,7,11,0,2,0,4,6,7,3,4,1,97,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694247504516765,0.0,0.09508200294786076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582803608626485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115277952697393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515486162532986,0.0,0.0,0.1497467904358508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424471243854513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949296945830001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240593574117078,0.0,0.12339646383580954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647393631761906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285253276483506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035390510813934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991849356855272,0.06211885034166593,0.0,0.06757198681252155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097860848834994,0.0,0.0,0.1265682204682968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398056887871673,0.05808713873846307,0.1191661734972424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108209986448173,0.3219279430266698,0.0,0.15872953348818428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740308118046522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805677817273799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242830897075216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239623185284486,0.0,0.2277411951260669,0.12096113954873185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533097955229462,0.07616855485953855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074116411371838,0.0,0.0,0.26619123648372217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492306979977806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946451568445277,0.0,0.0,0.07898997920891263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330955266450235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103858478123168,0.09437501854923644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107286179020098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stingrae87,2018/12/25,"Not handling holidays well I’m not sure if it’s being single for the first time in several years, or something else, but I am barely making it through the holidays. I have had to force myself to spend time with family-I’d rather just be in bed sleeping. As soon as I’m by myself, I start sobbing. Not just a light cry, heaving, can’t breathe, body hurting sobs. I don’t recognize myself and just feel so lost. Like I’m missing....something. I just can’t find what it is.",1.0836555023923466,3.488093231578951,2.6834449760765544,91.20593301435406,85.10526315789474,5.559808612440191,23.3732057416268,6.980632752743323,0.9172105263157896,367,14,75,5,11,120,67,95,0.23,0.7,0.07,-0.9318,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,3,0,9,3,3,1,1,17,16,7,0,2,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,6,4,1,1,2,2,8,3,10,12,1,8,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,2,7,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27266573540152794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26964112797755024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506162201490336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411878405455876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243583441664043,0.2087996451410756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26278447315307984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992595932597501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679633373491788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385547636150138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27731519894176143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24565079148652536,0.0,0.0,0.3779550068105008,0.0,0.0,0.1737474162657391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135588136770616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28627515947776755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071016877612784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807689449705994
bpd,KansanLesbian,2018/12/25,"Can my roommate with bpd control how badly she treats me? I've lived with my roommate for 3 months and I really like her but this has all been so much. She treats me very badly. Im stressed out from taking care of her all the time. I cleaned religiously, bought almost everything for our apartment, and took care of her cats. She continuously treats me like garbage. I'm someone who likes to talk out issues and look for resolution but any time I tried to talk to her regarding an issue, no matter how small it was, she would become furious. So after months of letting her walk all over me, I've finally decided to leave but I honestly feel so guilty. 

She says she can't control it and that I'm being ableist. I really think her mindset of knowing that she can't change is what is holding her back the most. I guess I'm looking for more of a personal account of how it is to have bpd? I really want to know if this is due to this disorder or not.

To try to sum up our issues as roommates, she doesn't clean and so if I didn't clean she will become increasingly stressed out and end up blowing up on me. Or at least she named the house being dirty for the reason why she blew up on me that particular time. So I'd clean up a ton to try to make things easier for her. Even with this I still always felt scared that she'd lash out at me randomly. Whenever she did blow up on me it seemed like she would either do it for the smallest reasons or she genuinely didn't know why she was angry and these small things are the only thing she could think of at the time. For example, I told her she should try dbt therapy and this apparently mad her really mad. I wasn't being judgy and I am open about my mental issues too but she took offense to this and instead of telling me that she got mad and threaten to kick me out. Which threatening to kick me out was something she did commonly. Whenever I showed even a little bit of unhappiness with her she'd get really mad and escalate the situation. So if I'm at a 2 out of 10 of anger from her not putting up the food at night and I mention the problem or even show that I'm unhappy with her then she would instantly go to a 10 out of 10 in anger and threaten to kick me out. We've tried to talk about it and work together to resolve our problems but she always gets offended and worked up. I expected her to say things in the moment when being angry but even after the fact she never really admits to how her behavior is wrong or how it negatively affects me.

TLDR; I've been constantly stressed out where I live because I'm constantly cleaning and being scared to get yelled at or kicked out so I'm finally moving out. Does my roommate truly not have control of her behavior due to her bpd?

",3.4451152073732736,4.732909978494625,4.75379416282642,84.6435483870968,72.87096774193549,8.396722990271376,26.547363031234003,8.909455092898707,1.9087190988223248,2160,74,452,43,42,717,231,558,0.203,0.7340000000000001,0.062,-0.9983,2,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,3,0,0,6,24,30,9,5,18,0,39,1,0,12,5,98,72,47,0,12,19,0,2,4,0,5,0,3,5,1,27,35,1,4,13,2,2,7,12,19,0,0,16,7,78,11,87,42,11,69,0,0,2,0,57,38,0,14,28,317,105,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825773680667759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134380391050317,0.0,0.0,0.04635476546986561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052414935224558576,0.11383041535840314,0.041552955690420855,0.1505665146459162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441889144348512,0.0,0.2575555605807441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389982045703882,0.0,0.07210988631058272,0.0,0.0,0.14732502248720974,0.22935965915096584,0.05442447354613426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812337978259543,0.0,0.0596519442494149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037425450230695,0.0,0.0,0.18009024424257122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126260801094116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03446644164967716,0.0,0.0654494116074562,0.14934358577740145,0.0,0.0,0.08242579397843969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684072276816417,0.0,0.03873993090246798,0.0,0.054518045634149415,0.0,0.07509180182341207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865364484392856,0.0,0.0,0.07363025931760164,0.2845876004306882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123856567541028,0.0,0.0,0.07217724774933028,0.0,0.06970367365230554,0.0,0.1332085585876623,0.06831957361270329,0.12038247977352645,0.0,0.11448342749021967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550089060259623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869462529022669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881784054826868,0.07244896371949631,0.05010936462455141,0.0,0.05257330881680618,0.0,0.0,0.06396854950074615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051842809117484234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595193414947718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045003984000944,0.0,0.06852498933432076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620107554676106,0.14017063514812736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841562111958214,0.13649078428041278,0.0,0.0,0.06205516111526944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662069285463845,0.0,0.0,0.05775626736605646,0.05247700534478044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054436924796226485,0.0,0.2342494837219236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125184883943087,0.16436614328954555,0.05957950753130516,0.0,0.07795300154461128,0.0,0.18114407942633445,0.08735518888577297,0.0,0.0,0.15899102065897333,0.0,0.0,0.06513489900798533,0.1514683912170898,0.2313989407776532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562435404459168,0.040205680842858714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230172252759104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925035183782883,0.0,0.0,0.14526809524198184,0.0745280933398326,0.0,0.0
bpd,L_Smith,2018/12/25,"I was doing great until Christmas. It’s got me really down. Anyone want to hang out and chat or something It’s my first one alone. This years been so rough. I had such a fucking great night lady night and now... yeah. 

I just wanna chat about anything. Nothing too deep just yet because I honestly can’t bring myself to type big words as dumb as it sounds

Idk. Maybe we can watch something together later or read a book together or play something. Let’s see???",1.50090909090909,4.102376888888891,2.4164646464646458,92.31045454545456,85.66666666666666,5.050505050505051,20.404040404040398,6.574015621080383,0.3585555555555553,360,11,71,4,11,113,70,90,0.07,0.743,0.187,0.9043,0,1,3,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,8,6,2,0,2,1,7,1,0,0,0,12,12,9,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,2,0,2,4,4,8,4,9,7,0,14,0,0,2,1,3,4,2,3,8,44,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080141428527584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043501760394925,0.0,0.16527776136971298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243283260227485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708380750136769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567733641592968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063354926320506,0.4428631411529153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053769236445352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177511359754488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37695757534959895,0.0,0.19271554073920186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609730834557032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008986701765084,0.0,0.12866601356894808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004691872298596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638593070524206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184631829554542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293371564006802
bpd,sadhotgirl,2018/12/25,work friends i work in a store and almost all of my coworkers are around  my age (early 20s). we all get along really well so we have eachother on social media and i always see them hanging out together through Instagram and it always really stings knowing I’m never invited. It’s a huge hit to my ego and I can’t help but think about what’s wrong with me and why I’m not liked enough to get invited anywhere. I thought a lot of us were pretty close. It’s just the invite that I care about which is stupid. I don’t like desperately want to be with them all the time. I guess I just want to know that they like and care about me. I pick at myself a lot as a result. Anyone relate?,1.1996603396603405,3.1772296503496515,2.999165834165833,91.75281468531469,81.16783216783217,6.323476523476522,19.305194805194805,7.447530270364453,0.3961152847152847,532,13,118,8,14,177,92,143,0.109,0.695,0.195,0.8798,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,3,2,8,9,1,0,7,0,7,0,0,2,4,34,22,9,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,14,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,2,1,21,7,19,18,6,12,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,4,7,80,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717786323197209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854801832308487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994901684440824,0.0,0.0,0.15271239261997488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34980534944519603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725297119098066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253608588400972,0.0,0.17925150653759794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897736167524587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149837300760276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855449274808805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25142626768023185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916847073800231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230692237352062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452404847608227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979363968051516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367000259432389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748696384659337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991980964245043,0.0,0.1361884359273511,0.10002990634331688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634882792004128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236466047007345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424053943044472,0.0,0.15479366661037314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977519756098104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755872289718964,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisishelvetica,2018/12/25,"BPD Subtypes I’ve been doing a little bit of research on Theodore Millon’s Borderline Subtypes. I know every manifestation of BPD is different and can’t be defined in 4 categories thus symptomatic overlap, but I’ll do a quick rundown of each one 

Discouraged:
- avoidant, depressive or dependent behaviors 
- operating in abandoned child mode
- frantic efforts to avoid the end of or disturbance of any relationship, black and white thinking or unstable sense of self 

Impulsive: 
- antisocial or approval seeking behaviors 
- poor impulse control
- constant conflict with society
- seek approval at any cost 

Petulant: 
- passive aggressive behaviors 
- operates in an angry child mode 
- a frantic fear of abandonment, inability to express his or her needs
- world is the problem not them
- relationship seems to be a game 

Self Destructive: 
- includes depressive or self destructive behaviors 
- often suffers from depression as a co occurring diagnosis and is a self injurer 
- emotional instability and self injurious behavior are enough to merit a diagnosis 

I personally think that I predominantly display symptoms under the Discouraged type with many of the symptoms of the Petulant type and some impulsive/self destructive tendencies (though a lot of self destructive behaviors have lessened over time) 

I was wondering how other people who were diagnosed with bpd would define their behaviors ",14.055253456221207,13.589786253456225,12.77530414746544,42.12009907834104,50.52073732718894,17.343594470046078,57.6447004608295,15.514038796780545,9.64729529953917,1135,78,130,47,10,366,143,217,0.34,0.603,0.057,-0.998,1,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,4,4,21,5,6,14,0,14,4,0,4,0,39,20,15,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,9,3,9,0,8,5,1,2,0,2,20,0,1,3,2,8,1,26,14,5,14,0,8,2,0,18,10,0,12,4,87,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113015856956106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525952333745513,0.0,0.3642915799172857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418968451350884,0.10813691670125578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491246724919977,0.09785855827503742,0.0,0.10073249819451698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845319170375964,0.0853945164661999,0.0996218196674558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812332668951369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849297351450828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298681750671394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663252990744292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196805143271381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774904057533143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149003532322377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533287382536901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684158598094514,0.0841853109281615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922555331487237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702590733963372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777202337907257,0.7040685217751301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042289823634887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355687332634648,0.09472663116266693,0.0,0.05621999577287468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455727388767112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849000374644187,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ryebreadt1,2018/12/25,"sad on Christmas Eve My FP abandoned me and I wish I didn’t care this much but I’m so torn over it 
",-3.9187499999999993,-3.10029870833333,-0.9346666666666668,110.31300000000005,119.41666666666666,1.92,13.133333333333333,3.1291,-1.9891066666666664,77,2,22,0,5,26,22,24,0.28300000000000003,0.568,0.149,-0.546,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,3,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5984732020829419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315035865950426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6750070230332458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,israelipita,2018/12/25,"Always stuck in the same cycle Every time I think I'm changing for the better I end up feeling suicidal and depressed all over again. I make a new friend and it goes well then I end up ruining it by lashing out over and over again. I'm in my second year of college and feel like I'm going nowhere. I should be happy, I'm in a sorority and have everything I could want but I'm still depressed and angry all the time. I go from loving my family to hating them and it's just getting worse being on winter break. I can't do this anymore I think I actually might kill myself I don't think I will see another Christmas. ",1.276189624329156,3.3695289147286864,3.4644961240310086,87.89796064400718,81.55813953488372,6.1397734048896835,22.326177698270726,7.321109707123232,0.9079369111508652,486,16,100,7,13,166,83,129,0.244,0.647,0.109,-0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,5,11,2,0,5,0,10,1,0,1,2,23,29,9,2,3,2,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,5,1,1,1,3,16,6,15,22,3,24,0,3,1,1,3,10,0,1,12,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.1637936668666536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396614738523996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760013623405034,0.0,0.0,0.16645831635380398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844631294106855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755901073255145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401152292585586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28913135064018697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973238054203301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141765208979953,0.0,0.15084933051298402,0.0,0.15823044761814647,0.0,0.16973615119650384,0.11990934986549877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296775480785023,0.0,0.08769270535692568,0.0,0.190781712711704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867538764850718,0.0,0.1657133608226557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856969379534648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200116895921128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148773734394805,0.0,0.11203863348292864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805828039212732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210689377388446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375168029408058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404218212893984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359648655309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32264717879544136,0.0,0.0,0.19574492339355498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900003011430343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509138800518839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104960453243107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808744167696857
bpd,skunkburrito,2018/12/25,"I have absolutely no fuckin confidence once I begin talking to a guy. When I’m single I’m confident and fun and carefree but once a guy expresses interest in me I become a nervous, obsessive wreck and end up ruining everything. ",3.024418604651164,5.919107255813959,5.875627906976748,68.25483720930234,81.09302325581395,10.88186046511628,34.181395348837206,10.355215969177356,5.275478139534885,184,11,29,8,5,66,32,43,0.259,0.495,0.245,-0.1815,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,4,1,5,0,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199375012940539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657747572073825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603527852905536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5736730871636425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6170162707123552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284014290988506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mommymerc,2018/12/10,"Holidays and BPD does bpd ever make the holidays super hard because of a lack of identity, like i have no idea what i want for christmas, no idea what to get for others. and i just have a huge sense of dread for some reasons around the holidays. its such a joyful time of year but i just cant feel great abt it idk, anyone else feel this way or similar? or have anything to add?",0.7167948717948711,3.0231770897435917,2.4643589743589764,92.83064102564106,85.7948717948718,6.030769230769232,20.2051282051282,7.3871296695380915,0.6279128205128206,295,9,64,5,9,97,54,78,0.16699999999999998,0.652,0.18,-0.1533,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,2,1,19,9,5,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,4,10,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305061473144698,0.2096215471798805,0.1683560537020217,0.1821240575046522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471313968472232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5153353846047909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790337445804737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709045466612225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505887870937746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688868363135124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688723791293316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22555572557582165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832680085836472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619032092644668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994991510419428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656210084735318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103474916581512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192951803223356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066955545669432,0.1623900797459476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174605626434807
bpd,sammyleepee94,2018/12/10,"This gasket is going to blow Okay guys. Long story short my roommates and I have been arguing and not getting along since May. Well more so we don’t get along with one of the roommates. Now I own up that I have screamed and said some mean thing before. But she is telling my best friend that I told her she is worthless, unloved, and should Commit suicide. My mother committed suicide when I was 8 and my FP committed it earlier this year. I WOULD NEVER JOKE OR TELL SOMEONE TO DO THAT. Especially when I struggle with thoughts myself... it’s really hard for me to not say anything and it’s also really making me believe that I’m a bad person. Like the logical side knows I never said anything, but her telling my friends and people I know that I mean and said this is really making me see myself worse than usual. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?

Also she is very triggering to me and I’m like also 90 percent sure that she herself might have bpd or bipolar. ",2.841458333333332,5.067289395833335,3.811666666666667,86.73333333333336,76.91666666666666,6.558333333333334,25.25,7.594959193182576,1.38789375,772,28,148,11,18,248,115,192,0.12,0.758,0.121,0.0513,0,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,1,0,0,1,8,15,1,1,3,1,18,1,0,3,6,40,35,19,2,2,6,1,1,2,2,4,1,5,0,2,14,14,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,6,1,1,7,7,29,9,14,24,5,13,0,1,1,0,23,4,0,5,10,108,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854840752946801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809216158455194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320503249754713,0.0,0.19584775564555604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935700299418772,0.0,0.0,0.10125715098565363,0.1340681658581135,0.124879354510857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987176917650652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413453003289434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183872608933198,0.0,0.1243413895258651,0.0,0.06762838242401248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178251202497784,0.0,0.0,0.10659737910662012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079459181406833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627123658271662,0.0,0.0,0.10530804764957744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158862009230352,0.0,0.0,0.259243875631497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623634947986392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355468123626267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063502363532599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249710367559733,0.10390304511300487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286963755121096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395784087620003,0.09463069389915783,0.0,0.0,0.09482470469746887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843503142244353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082524273594777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244008484725836,0.0,0.2603254416334995,0.0,0.11215267556955516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120242312851994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905590428214603,0.0,0.0,0.09446983005975024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370613619191662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105769584438082,0.09818447203050013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699203239319946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126747269824348,0.08453161092591374,0.0,0.0,0.07662976432137608
bpd,_oversized,2018/12/10,"stilnoct + sobril I took 10mg of Stilnoct and 15mg Sobril last night because I wanted to be wellrested before my first therapy appointment. I thought everything had gone well, I slept soundly and everything was alright. I thought it was a good combo.

Then my friend went ""I laughed like crazy when I got your videos""

.... videos??? VIDEOS????

I had apparently been liveblogging my hallucinations (?) where I saw elfs, italians, greeks and at one point I went ""I look like the sun. Worship me"" 

Has anyone had any weird ass experiences with Stilnoct? I've taken them (and tried out Imovane) and none of them helped me sleep, but with Sobril it knocked me out in a good way lmao ",2.7736585365853657,5.687916121951222,3.053528455284553,87.77541463414637,82.90243902439025,6.206829268292682,26.08617886178861,7.554174236665415,1.6263652032520328,525,22,98,9,15,161,83,123,0.042,0.7659999999999999,0.192,0.9521,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,1,3,10,0,0,3,1,8,3,3,0,0,13,20,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,0,2,3,0,4,1,1,1,2,16,3,20,9,9,3,1,16,1,0,2,1,5,6,1,0,7,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905626265949902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269792522550275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568754818418082,0.0,0.1614879947368306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34112234850182593,0.18564032787961107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614259640552515,0.0,0.0,0.14662282423815476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183553283858515,0.15178364394092875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272048976905758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469525625153402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854329166734586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593666059851207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809478362439862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859919665595435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940254545347892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991610742372386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170288845270443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013267363534591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085150882957499,0.12884751838317193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193660144032228,0.1506377774044901,0.0,0.0,0.17063415863284342,0.35185416367067546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cosmicda1sy,2018/12/10,"What's your favourite/most used DBT skill? ive been having a rough few months and honestly I lost the handle on all the skills I learnt in DBT...


but I've rediscovered mindfulness! regular meditation practise is the trick for me. it's such a beautiful thing. its like I have a loving and peaceful place in my own head that I can retreat to. even tho I forget its there a LOT of the time... its still there.


ive been thinking a lot about 'getting better' lately and really i feel like it's a case of putting the effort in to build a new, healthy self esteem. which is Touuuuugh work. I hope one day I can have the same amount of trust in myself that most people seem to have. anyway for me meditation is such a great way to do this because you really get to spend time with yourself. and my true, true self is calm and love. sorry to get all spiritual on y'all but when I sit and do nothing for 10 mins I know that i (we) are all part of the same one and it's lovely.


does anyone else have one particular area of DBT they keep coming back to? a regular practice that helps keep everything manageable? 

""practice and all is coming"" - K Pattabhi Jois 


",2.3742339544513484,4.37803845652174,3.816211180124224,87.20963768115942,77.47826086956522,7.1635610766045525,22.69151138716356,8.11559375814309,1.1520207039337471,895,27,188,16,21,295,132,230,0.026000000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.282,0.9972,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,3,1,6,11,15,1,0,16,0,19,4,1,1,6,35,36,12,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,12,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,3,2,23,13,23,33,13,23,0,1,0,3,11,8,0,5,12,128,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210142070861878,0.1349623162588311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128425696115016,0.0,0.08029505757496272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649529951884907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269295781910763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494825779641822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526872681813614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003484034382664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699956651627481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838110083141168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660139743808659,0.09410052261275917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645419425598235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452213456998849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518233089503787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828888453596499,0.0,0.0,0.13082730307426196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415690023147726,0.0,0.0,0.07238965820627916,0.0,0.14858546829321825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870310551386208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437875247132929,0.22396662061453354,0.35664629829482924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299926682637508,0.0,0.1051373437440047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721562947646886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638852757341806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26776986966162825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142639512121934,0.0,0.09131779923399128,0.0,0.1376189674656673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241459897379598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876592247148034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199125947067782,0.2748245805997951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474493301791111,0.0,0.0,0.10519145841951663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750866241179434,0.0844006136809163,0.0,0.0,0.1536135389841513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376345978612892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455290305229144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589345189457762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,newbeginnings1109,2018/12/10,"A bit of happiness So in the summer I had an acrimonious breakup with my partner of a year due to a bad BPD episode. I was devastated and to some extent still am, however I’ve just got engaged to the most beautiful, wonderful, kind and generous woman I’ve ever had the privilege to get to know. She is supportive of my issues and always asks me to lay my BPD feelings out so she can be of even more support to me. Hang in there. It’s possible. ",3.0818681318681307,4.408835428571429,5.42945054945055,79.29054945054949,73.83516483516482,9.595604395604397,30.582417582417587,9.957137785484203,3.154094505494505,348,16,71,10,7,123,64,91,0.092,0.644,0.264,0.9579,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,7,0,7,0,0,0,1,12,15,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,9,6,15,10,5,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,5,52,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816536066264814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893843271908325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687470358633503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206434423310308,0.0,0.5090817163559404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348670831146736,0.18281316287358199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218903000270543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055901460657353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163972648012365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514172933048584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094236485449566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104585164266852,0.11107017628577216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278400540278986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139921253834202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586867454705665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191713975120678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301472991178667
bpd,yandereb4be,2018/12/10,"Got into a minor car wreck I was pulling out of a drive way and inching to see if I could turn and got hit. Everyone is fine and just some car damage. My first instinct is well guess I should die because everything is ruined now 🙃🙃🙃

also it was right after my DBT consolation and she was like yee you’re borderline we think DBT will help but we think the one your insurance doesn’t cover will be better for you w h e l p can’t afford that anymore with this car wreck so I guess the universe doesn’t want me to be a normal functioning person so I’ll just stay in bed all day instead of doing what I want like working or being functional ",2.3601414141414128,3.8269332296296312,4.055622895622896,87.8448484848485,75.96296296296295,6.983164983164983,23.38383838383839,7.686295010490155,1.005444444444444,506,15,108,7,11,170,97,135,0.095,0.779,0.126,0.2846,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,2,2,0,3,8,7,0,0,5,0,17,0,0,0,1,25,28,10,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,9,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,2,1,2,5,1,13,5,10,15,2,16,0,2,1,0,7,5,0,5,6,68,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379996518735947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073190833053927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723780619657495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009332529654295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355359867753576,0.0,0.0,0.12403188546163503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996000426347536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837720696314281,0.17284676013406153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358913457889931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076352072709898,0.0,0.4237290928093608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289094926530919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791778967272885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884348870059886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032247576535302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792829552484584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424207735438345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532558647937039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498983770663207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464645543184879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091912878964558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268731906232625,0.1526563820430703,0.0,0.0,0.17292072253501514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001282604774687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,melodynelson123,2018/12/10,"Jumping from self-hatred to self-confidence and back again, within moments? I have no idea anymore who I am and what I'm capable of. I am stuck in this ENDLESS internal monologue of 'I can do this!' > 'no I don't' > 'why did I think I could? I'm worthless' > 'hey turns out I can actually do this!' > 'wow looking back that was nothing, that was shit, I didn't do anything, I have no skills whatsoever' > repeat.


These thoughts are taking up so much energy I can't even properly focus on things at hand, causing me to fail, feeding these thoughts again... Argh!


I have NO idea of what I am actually capable of and constantly seek outward confirmation. It's like I'm a child that just wants the teacher to say 'good job!' every time I accomplish something because I don't recognize it myself.

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bpd,topknotdetective,2018/12/10,DAE have moments where everyone and everything gets on their nerves!? I go through stages where everyone get under my skin.. I don’t want to be around anyone.. Does this happen to anyone else? Do you guys have any healthy ways of dealing with this? ,3.238695652173909,6.036465478260872,2.8762608695652183,90.82743478260872,79.0,6.288695652173913,24.417391304347824,7.554174236665415,1.2686747826086961,196,7,37,3,5,58,38,46,0.0,0.895,0.105,0.5903,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,10,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,8,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327699190847767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35633291777923354,0.2610791211076976,0.0,0.22683159009927445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626940616577149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298267192723206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285793104719564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869565946009696,0.22900343308834065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662515042691793,0.0,0.1448122674223378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522982542403929,0.2253243308648133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029133172104606,0.2022533459325128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soofbitch,2018/12/10,"Significant Other and BPD I'm not looking for a diagnosis, should say that from the get go. I just want some advice. 

​

I'm pretty certain my SO has BPD (and other therapists they have seen agree). I know a lot about it because I thought I had it at some point, which turned out to be Bipolar I. My SO has diagnosed Bipolar II and takes medication for that. I know they have Bipolar II because when they were first put on medication they were given an anti-depressant which sent them into a mixed episode. They have responded well to being put on mood stabilizers. But they still have extreme mood swings that seem very rapid cycling. They'll be fine one minute then absolutely hopeless or furious or suicidal or extremely anxious. And then they'll feel that way and I try to comfort them but it's hard to. Then they feel fine. There are other things too that make me think they have BPD but that's not why I'm here. 

​

Basically I want to know what I can do to be a supportive SO. They have been labeled by ex's as abusive by someone neurotypical and that's kind of eating them away. I know they aren't. They are kind and caring and passionate and loving NOT abusive. How can I reassure them that they aren't abusive? Also how can I help them to get the help they need? Is there any other advice you can give me? ",2.4959770114942543,4.973241203065137,3.506436781609196,87.1405747126437,79.49808429118774,6.625287356321839,24.60919540229885,7.793537801064563,1.3952896551724137,1058,39,209,18,27,339,137,261,0.1,0.7490000000000001,0.151,0.8525,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,20,1,15,16,1,0,7,0,29,9,0,3,1,41,58,26,1,4,10,1,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,19,11,1,0,9,0,0,4,5,2,1,2,8,6,37,12,21,43,3,18,0,1,2,2,30,7,0,7,6,151,56,0,0.0,0.3552941138519054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953514555252544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993468003655893,0.0,0.21660430549392296,0.2429146665311319,0.06797342510936337,0.0,0.0,0.11292169155522212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391183833002544,0.0,0.0,0.12186435172589412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776727900827425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191167998512847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609185180715706,0.10145311276642643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227981786273373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108139115852444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502241930999227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044456421268873,0.09588678687129627,0.0568072293161028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954083392737215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339966369478338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817733196024366,0.21973254731728376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393776352755478,0.0,0.0,0.0849789135649738,0.09021408301202737,0.0,0.06672132516333229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139006367911247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411601747634737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773269024596547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449061391143301,0.0,0.0,0.10169106336545654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096653206731804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948892663093866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099607783498244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469229160387315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982489380138967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933550773823557,0.11342874655164398,0.0,0.0,0.07515438107583995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605647920147745,0.06640624427759734,0.06404769099200233,0.0,0.07935380246137623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786348032139627,0.10872329290886727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247406810571142,0.11791313398056745,0.07934032390245578,0.0,0.0,0.0898723391171681,0.0,0.09019463333160106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429146665311319,0.0
bpd,taylanae,2018/12/10,"My therapist told me I am ""too self aware to be Borderline."" Implied BPD individuals are incapable of being self aware and ""blame others for their problems rather than taking accountability"" This irritated me. And also, threw my lil brain into further questioning of myself, my past, present and created a complex. 

But then I thought, and I understand her standpoint...i guess. (Fuckin normal people)

But once diagnosed are Borderlines not allowed to then take a look at their symptoms, behaviours and thinking and take action to alleviate some of those things to, in turn, improve and heal? Lead productive lives? Becoming aware of the way I react. The things I do etc. Doesn't mean it just goes away. 

I fight my mind and struggles with identity, on a daily basis, STILL. I have just made some changes to prevent repeating the past and harming myself over and over again. BPD doesnt mean doomed to destruct self and others forever.  

BPD is not taken seriously enough and treatment options are minimal and expensive, IMO. 

Just because i'm making progress doesnt mean I don't have BPD. Dont pretend like because I feel better TODAY that my past doesnt exist. The suffering happened. The suicide attempts were real. The challenges are still there and I worked so hard to get to where I am today. 










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bpd,fuck_freud,2018/12/10,"Death as a trigger for BPD ok looking back into my childhood and adolescence, I’m certain the symptoms of BPD were always there. however, it wasn’t until my father was killed in an accident when I was 17 that it TRULY took over. 

I honestly didn’t know anything about BPD so when I started dating my partner of 5 years right as the death occurred and I was manic and paranoid I’d lose him or that EVERY single time he went anywhere he would die, I thought it was just because of the pain and trauma of my dad dying in a motor vehicle accident. it got so fucking bad. I was with my partner from my senior year of high school and through all 4 years of college and we are still together now. During college it was very hard because I left home and we did long distance the entire time. The jealousy and attachment and Need for 100% attention was crippling and even ended our relationship at one short point in time. 

We are all good now, in reality. Obviously in my head I think no matter how much he tells me he loves me he could leave me or die at any moment. But the reality is that we are very, very, secure and good. It’s only been recently that I’ve come to terms with BPD and learned that it is what I’ve been suffering from. 

I’m curious though, has anybody else has a death of a loved one that triggered your BPD to just run RAMPANT and get to a low it’s never gotten to before? ",4.307421052631579,5.122906614285714,5.413082706766918,82.50139097744363,70.35714285714286,8.18045112781955,29.73684210526316,8.371475516178862,2.0942857142857148,1092,42,218,16,19,362,160,280,0.183,0.713,0.10400000000000001,-0.977,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,5,1,0,1,15,16,2,0,12,1,22,6,1,3,5,43,39,25,7,3,5,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,15,21,0,1,5,0,0,4,4,8,0,2,18,2,25,8,31,19,5,42,0,3,1,3,20,15,1,2,23,143,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021974298768879,0.0,0.0,0.06556120683299554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793361271984982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413232220167916,0.0804972188894962,0.11753967019045646,0.0,0.08203668389127786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6071167731107509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304753923408245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697448430096325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001709594678775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053707933018388,0.0,0.08538947283395963,0.0,0.0,0.06367702237145052,0.0,0.08122846903760635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912826902840644,0.05036955497879297,0.0,0.0,0.1617260495583923,0.07710682666002758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636323862842536,0.0,0.09894311722826657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018610611977475,0.09670576441999017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666191774526937,0.0,0.05298368796125662,0.0,0.0,0.10208286937416196,0.10474831041313802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531864596368137,0.08095900812523625,0.10785664996582947,0.0,0.0,0.17402519134748806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087147103690719,0.07148581292743145,0.07435631565160784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065803017653918,0.07332314373512341,0.10258563039400104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911373624685985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519193840294016,0.1035068399134304,0.0,0.08233248399096045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757072884987801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823855829147459,0.0,0.07699209455040255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020553035762007,0.0,0.0,0.08426543369758177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061774787860793386,0.09472103635036846,0.07653772114299864,0.16865002580136404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711358826419168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864176751741806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937181010861209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848595854066837,0.0,0.0,0.18625208267571733
bpd,meowarrior,2018/12/10,"Just found out my whole life was filled with stuff for my lack of identity Ever since I was a child, I got obsessed with stuff: pink - everything needed to be pink, my clothes, my bed, my stuffed toys, the candy I ate. Then it was 101 Dalmatians. Then another stuff. Then another.

Then books. Then I loved reading and writing and I got really invested on it and to this day I keep buying books. Then I couldn't read anymore and got a boyfriend who liked football so I liked football and spend my whole day watching football. 

Eventually we broke up. I stopped the football thing, started watching tv shows. Met my current boyfriend who loves videogames so of course I got into videogames. 

I'm still with him but ever since I had a depressive episode I'm not into games anymore. I'm not into anything. I don't know who or what I am. I don't even know if I like writing - I can't write to save my life, it feels like I'm squeezing myself for the words to come out.

TL;DR: This thought, my whole life mimicking stuff to fill this void, scares me.",1.8678708439897704,4.411602014705885,2.3877578857630013,93.7412148337596,82.77450980392156,5.508610400682013,25.53623188405797,6.895973343053719,1.0252462063086103,817,34,168,10,23,251,109,204,0.083,0.8390000000000001,0.077,-0.0495,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,0,7,11,0,2,6,0,10,6,0,0,2,38,31,16,0,4,6,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,15,15,1,2,5,8,3,3,6,4,0,0,12,6,29,7,19,17,4,24,0,2,4,2,13,7,0,2,18,106,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258299258620253,0.0,0.0,0.21358510378215512,0.0,0.0,0.08861389330107143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275932718763756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889318971584996,0.0,0.09274716770819333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112357340100248,0.19481078787215325,0.0,0.0,0.0967784927146658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054447735419589284,0.07692872154563286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806879743141638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344495571019768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571355437644187,0.0,0.0,0.1183594671806701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281789580745675,0.21043380187968524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943761345847086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984554354969417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154241826100936,0.0,0.06898445564233248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078094191626794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781528992824882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621854679559073,0.0,0.08599574358407208,0.09002776856645793,0.0,0.0,0.4930848628422178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153976765050322,0.0,0.0,0.08548823460847264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606725068620351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deliciousprawns,2018/12/10,"Focus on yourself <3 Want this to be short and sweet. Hello fellow BPD peeps ❤️ Let’s all accept and enjoy ourselves. Appreciate the fact we feel things strongly. We are thoughtful, caring, loyal, dimensional individuals. Let’s not obsess over other people or outcomes out of our control. Focus on, and gain control in other areas of life, and the rest will fall into place. Let’s appreciate the people in our lives, and know that they would not be there if they did not want to be.  Do not question it, just accept it. Let’s focus most of our energy on bettering ourselves, getting to know ourselves, finding validation and satisfaction from our own exploits, and not solely from how others make us feel. Love freely and generously, and accept love. Speak your heart, but also never feel obliged to apologise or to explain. The person you should love most in your life is yourself, never forget that. It takes the best part of a lifetime to get to know yourself, and you *do* exist. Everybody in the world is the sum of their experiences and thoughts, as are you, just you are *more.* You are not your diagnosis. Your diagnosis exists to help medical professionals stratify their patients and gauge their response to treatment, not to categorise you as a human. You are YOU. Live this beautiful life. ",4.277692307692308,7.17163644871795,4.9543803418803405,76.90798076923079,75.53846153846153,7.147863247863247,26.84401709401709,8.212053250817874,2.2097299145299143,1035,40,167,19,24,332,129,234,0.011000000000000001,0.746,0.244,0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,7,12,5,6,5,14,0,1,9,0,20,8,1,4,4,58,39,20,0,5,13,0,3,0,1,3,4,1,0,2,11,16,0,2,14,0,0,1,9,1,0,0,3,5,24,13,29,26,8,17,0,0,0,3,35,14,0,6,2,131,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660725839243248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267767954130998,0.106841700566924,0.0,0.0,0.15214894962831824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231681667710098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709848791324257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181699123182516,0.0,0.0,0.1832470475240265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041305973961467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623065648478074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315383026247408,0.08097266245023937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917286495235395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941228544638737,0.25598322288368025,0.0,0.0,0.2133450484613265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270921416408961,0.0,0.0806378945583008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169775315681612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634364632452746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308194245268924,0.0,0.1675011610337112,0.10548176794062687,0.12621491661058004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353286081057101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082989646792064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025709487875256,0.0,0.0,0.19181044561139232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453128540805229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250716456376986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581600046117001,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HollowCanna,2018/12/10,"Work has become almost unbearable? I’ve been working the same job for the last 7 months (long time for me) my bosses are extremely kind and compassionate and helpful to me. I went through an extreme trauma 2 months into being here and they had my back through it. 

But lately I think maybe I need a higher dose in my medication or something. I’m waking up, and crying before I’ve even checked my phone. I’m waking up hours before my alarm despite my medication.  I’m in an episode before I’ve even started my day and I don’t know what to do. 
I work a desk job in a warehouse so I have lots of time in my head to think about the relationship I destroyed, my abusers, my stresses. I feel like I’ve lost productivity entirely and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose my job as it’s the best I’ve ever had. I work with my best friend and it’s a mostly quite healthy environment.  It’s also a 9-5 so I have a very regulated schedule; I’m just drained and symptoms are really flaring up right now with holidays and pressure to be around my family.  I really don’t know what to do. ",1.9554424778761048,3.721353526548676,4.063017699115047,86.05930530973455,77.89380530973452,6.99787610619469,25.01681415929204,7.908726449838941,1.3587405309734506,851,31,182,14,20,292,118,226,0.12300000000000001,0.741,0.136,0.6309,3,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,1,9,12,13,1,3,12,0,17,7,3,1,1,30,32,15,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,6,1,1,1,4,7,0,0,5,1,29,6,25,25,5,25,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,4,15,116,36,10,0.0,0.13778118281791304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644472010384654,0.0,0.0,0.09299474154699207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352016182038368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941759201262996,0.0,0.0,0.12842995149848144,0.2968552385410053,0.0,0.24407224715364906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773590476732313,0.07499555099404442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536130486105426,0.10518832785066934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962511643981053,0.0,0.05879824527788309,0.08307551826529594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984311503713778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193441001983688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794478326197579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451935655160128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461909716887145,0.0,0.0,0.12109510648401307,0.191725025713689,0.09478949662387837,0.1311768993669446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681199687337024,0.0,0.0,0.10291041274945617,0.0,0.13009550538908016,0.12694109239751655,0.09886312299373172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682600904694646,0.0,0.0,0.2342940124787615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563848697234472,0.0,0.0,0.0862254016223367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236856311999656,0.0,0.0,0.1489929714050064,0.0,0.0,0.12484881232664365,0.0,0.09930853700848094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952348092887864,0.0,0.0,0.08230859878147634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332064653892903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086680903574774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902413990420146,0.0,0.0,0.13561587129744873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594902543316447,0.06858913687090278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779929477969463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33863353754892284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reshaobam,2018/12/10,"New job and already want to quit I recently got a blue collar job, my first full time job. I work 40 hours a work and it's something I enjoy. But going from at home 24/7 relaxing to full time is killing my mind. I idealized the job a lot, I really did want to learn in a professional environment. The pay is good, too. The coworkers are alright and I'm fairly well liked. But the amount of emotional breakdowns I hold back from on the job is ridiculous. I had to leave work early today saying I was sick because I almost passed out, still having not recovered from my bad episode last night. As someone that was already fairly suicidal, having this extra stress and responsibility makes everything just seem so dark.

​

Anybody I talk to about says the stress of the job will go away, and I'm sure of that. But it's not the job that I'm stressed out about. I am always like this, but at home I could just calm myself. At work, I can't. It's not the fault of the job, it's the fault of my mind. I don't hate my job, but I would gladly quit if I wasn't judged for it and work from home for barely anything. I just don't know what to do anymore.",3.4730408773678967,4.4910694745762765,4.474117647058822,87.71136091724827,72.47457627118644,7.5868394815553355,24.899302093718845,7.928766900206844,1.143163310069791,900,26,196,12,17,293,125,236,0.084,0.762,0.154,0.9249,9,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,9,10,20,3,3,15,1,19,1,0,1,1,35,31,14,2,6,12,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,3,0,11,8,0,1,3,1,1,3,7,9,1,1,6,3,23,11,28,22,5,25,0,0,1,0,3,10,0,4,14,124,34,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748082575071452,0.0,0.17077254502288156,0.0,0.06438297951698169,0.08383679733403537,0.09402023482865006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767361397285876,0.0,0.0,0.06367380475354384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269724153809058,0.05949732078535181,0.06460567688096182,0.04716765409898111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177839097340055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703751660383469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954050454051527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581593399343748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794905826866496,0.06489926636687376,0.061884606663896786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639272034899786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328431263154936,0.0,0.0761997134962022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6910531193676107,0.0,0.08560501205407209,0.0,0.042523792394439035,0.06307171732958677,0.0,0.08192994695782115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560395055044372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578225615568938,0.0,0.0,0.05164903996549137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625528152160278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747301638276833,0.0,0.07261207694932534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459767055689986,0.0,0.0,0.04956900770261352,0.0,0.07639940483627389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306490431133152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044014862260034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556038182858878,0.05956777791437819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061792524655293724,0.0,0.26590162931797673,0.0,0.0,0.0846367183954382,0.0,0.0729259065876402,0.0,0.0,0.062191848637874275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023706427958386,0.0,0.07334334262646952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127666686041143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957026143428266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816530248513756,0.0,0.0,0.05496564688073613,0.0,0.09402023482865006,0.0
bpd,Mimho988,2018/12/10,"""I think it's beautiful that your are trying to get help"" I don't know what to do or what to think. I've been seeing different psychiatrists and psychologists since I was 11 (I am now 22) and I've still never felt ""truly happy"" for a period longer than a month or so in all of my life. About six months ago I started seeing a new psychologist and things were going quite well (I've never had any luck with a psychiatrist but this one has been better than all my old ones). She knows my background, and when we were talking today and I told her that I've never been truly happy, while crying. She tells me that it is beautiful that I'm trying to get help and I just freak out and leave the room. I got so upset with this comment since I don't think that there's anything beautiful about trying to get help for 11 years but never been able to actually lead a happy life. I KNOW she probably didn't mean it like that but I still can't help getting upset. She's the best psychologist I've ever had but I can't get over that comment. I don't know how to handle this. I'm not trying to be rude, because I know she's trying to help me, but I am unable to forgive her for saying that. I really wish I could, but I don't know how/what to think because I am (like everyone with BPD) totally unable to control my emotions??",3.4860007683442187,4.25061282481752,5.06413753361506,84.44069727237805,72.21167883211679,7.958202074529389,23.545140222819825,8.20500826718156,1.1533532846715326,1030,25,220,15,19,349,127,274,0.14,0.6990000000000001,0.161,0.8376,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,5,13,14,1,2,7,0,25,2,0,3,8,49,51,20,0,2,10,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,17,12,0,1,13,0,0,2,12,4,1,3,13,4,34,10,26,36,4,25,0,0,2,0,21,4,0,3,21,148,51,1,0.09357728270979704,0.0,0.0913179292394474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829506149920828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363576114441742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700613036894083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408768597391195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820358494437964,0.08276150207959695,0.0,0.0,0.11785731174491244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495487959689287,0.07471384579097744,0.0,0.1027902510060326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776834352238363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052618478906071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846460096115522,0.0,0.08941710379556199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984886627896509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444513397797849,0.0,0.053182126253303964,0.0,0.07484230143048631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29884427252124124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136144003795747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30856576391964663,0.0,0.0,0.09908483089669998,0.0,0.0,0.13219280437391467,0.09143426712176167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193309399142723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493849885592141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886902771291421,0.090377522758079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819361681064903,0.0,0.12682077712654016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089213789651244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995309588172769,0.0,0.0,0.059948003487164676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441641112793865,0.0,0.0,0.1491379576561473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481619051700324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623448234162521,0.0,0.1494618777014956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521387519766573,0.08179066967405682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216858857043106,0.23984217710147904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887003223044162,0.08941710379556199,0.0,0.3176641619289509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413721533597375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076092569365426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060260702013380414
bpd,thaShogazer,2018/12/10,"DAE feels extremely tired after experiencing extreme emotions ? My body and mind always feel really heavy and foggy followed by sleepiness after intense joy sadness anger...
",10.975,14.262431884615385,9.44923076923077,50.470769230769264,57.07692307692307,9.815384615384616,43.769230769230774,10.125756701596842,5.88706153846154,143,8,13,3,2,44,24,26,0.184,0.6629999999999999,0.154,-0.2484,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31528401911201404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42088431874921467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262234872362137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38317722462527737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825917465703497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24273986834909125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43550205826192206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bundlemeup,2018/12/10,This disorder is fucking taking over me and it feels like I’m the copilot watching it destroy everything including myself I can’t see a psychologist or get on meds to help my moods stabilize until next month and I’m dying inside,4.194545454545455,6.632443000000002,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545455,73.54545454545455,8.945454545454545,31.45454545454545,9.516144504307137,3.586472727272727,188,9,30,5,4,64,39,44,0.134,0.754,0.11199999999999999,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,9,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,4,9,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,1,4,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32848569896032953,0.0,0.3627459921783697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844572980355652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003613268988895,0.22611362977845756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292606871105932,0.16536255042320486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214887651231099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462999324274349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35156942716683304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526339467534361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33661022286490505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522161779226201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379748906149735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hazel73,2018/12/10,"Filling out the divorce papers So I was diagnosed last November after having issues off and on for years but never really knowing what was going on.  Current husband became my trigger person after oldest son moved away (more than likely from what he endured from me). Anyway, I’ve been through three therapists, on medication #3 which works to keep my suicidal thoughts at bay and am in  dbt but it hasn’t been enough.   Had a shit storm of an episode over the weekend and it’s basically over.   Signed my half of the papers to file today and will now most have to get through the holidays with him and his children    Life sucks but I think it will suck less alone.    At least I can stop hearing how I have nothing to be depressed/angry/anxious over and when will I learn to stop overreacting.  ",4.598266219239374,6.559056516778528,4.933036912751677,81.81060682326623,71.08053691275168,7.382774049217002,29.19519015659955,8.07648339933343,2.088046532438479,627,25,112,9,12,198,109,149,0.163,0.816,0.021,-0.9736,1,1,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,3,0,6,0,15,4,1,2,1,23,24,12,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,6,8,0,3,4,2,0,3,2,3,0,2,6,1,11,1,28,14,5,28,0,0,0,0,9,12,3,1,14,88,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131322432537084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334272928338167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886846712151105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263195710808808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751469606846883,0.0,0.11695293111401787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193578793471245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147871282531996,0.0,0.1829120598744573,0.0,0.0,0.11309460864086447,0.16774306302533967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535274379661348,0.10053664922326948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073077540311796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871796014557274,0.0,0.0,0.15871485625433104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745722547659386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968440530559374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318317866582423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123638075920192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440926356078324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250964931535808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389334171159505,0.0,0.13185936513323746,0.0,0.1633711044286045,0.0,0.0,0.19506107437017145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498146652707653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251944267676585
bpd,bitterpoison,2018/12/10,"Scared to be diagnosed I have just been seen by my local mental health crisis team after becoming increasingly suicidal and paranoid. They are going to assess me tomorrow for possible BPD. I’m really scared about what a diagnosis could mean for me, please could anybody share their experiences and what may happen next for me? ",7.757631578947367,9.665355596491228,7.978026315789478,63.244934210526324,63.21052631578947,12.015789473684213,31.793859649122812,11.698219412168324,4.600933333333334,267,10,39,9,4,87,47,57,0.245,0.6890000000000001,0.066,-0.9216,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,2,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,7,12,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,1,8,6,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,3,28,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409866019921777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748173656650753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484325575560979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147010259502253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344310350815926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400903788670825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295501672879425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319381723249141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237685587343492,0.0,0.0,0.21989596242894305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320599521743434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951990963567865,0.0,0.24598959824813946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978557758793028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369158758085945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386772121207813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stoned-chameleon,2018/12/10,"I am never going to feel validated. And it sucks. I KNOW my fiancé loves me. Hell, he put a ring on my finger, a baby in my belly, a roof over my head. But for whatever reason...I will never feel valid. I feel like I don’t deserve this love, and maybe that’s why I deny it. I deny that it’s real. I want to live in the moment, live free of my own doubt. It’s so fucking frustrating. No matter what he does for me, no matter how often he proves his love and loyalty for me...why will it never be enough? And why do I always blame him? Why do I make him feel like he’s the problem? Because I don’t want to admit IM the fucking problem? I don’t know. Im sick of feeling like I’m going to be dropped at any moment when I know that’s the furthest thing from true. I can’t get enough and I can’t appreciate what I have. What the fuck is wrong with me? I fucking hate myself. ",-0.33028795811518563,1.4804303560209462,2.5292643979057594,93.93860863874346,85.75392670157069,4.8671204188481685,17.403403141361256,5.985473137389443,-0.4238944502617796,662,15,156,5,20,233,98,191,0.21100000000000002,0.585,0.204,-0.664,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,4,20,8,1,8,0,14,10,2,2,5,32,39,9,0,4,1,0,6,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,6,0,0,10,0,1,3,10,12,0,0,0,7,28,9,16,35,3,15,1,0,0,7,11,5,6,2,9,97,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041737791013632,0.0,0.0,0.07389543014832785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624073066822397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509283532801284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245584782872252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27471960062453965,0.23288932951987334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018334680755328,0.05677259634678525,0.0,0.12351281810778925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072834702152429,0.11152089110293027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23475211789148864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791571236347975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926362106189149,0.0,0.19190508322105648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942212397956278,0.0,0.07253424430324497,0.0,0.10916786511657438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514257528838728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795406274055195,0.0,0.10923760505402663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368372938454195,0.0,0.11172496800969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219171282795975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818600418638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922104096644243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880732131115718,0.0,0.0
bpd,MissDemeanour69,2018/12/10,"Question about DBT I’ve looked into DBT before and know multiple other people who have success with it, however everything I’ve seen or heard (worksheets/lessons/anecdotes) puts me off immediately. For me it seems very hand-holdy and personally that’s an immediate nope for someone who despises anything that makes me feel like I’m not self sufficient or ‘stupid’ for want of a better explanation. I’m also well aware that when I force myself to grin and bear it, it lasts for 2 seconds.

Anyone else had any experience with this? ",7.435601374570446,8.313139793814441,7.502628865979383,70.06707044673541,63.432989690721655,10.590378006872854,34.723367697594504,10.504223727775694,3.8024996563573885,428,18,72,10,6,138,75,97,0.031,0.809,0.16,0.8909999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,15,12,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,11,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,3,4,5,5,11,9,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,4,3,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648588700917765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585805368680278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305530463914122,0.23893574521514946,0.19189954321945396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843169463750887,0.0,0.0,0.20624194942843466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480442619820454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958055056121844,0.2281093706949883,0.0,0.0,0.11791035431490893,0.166594491846856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281578251533268,0.19008497752665848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392725495494167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582499458111924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565941465983282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166799011908192,0.20361680255740408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344252955950501,0.2612316707901485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229188984870773,0.24327315131106536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758529233324887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241022468488786,0.13754440106810445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967023162148632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cinnamongreen,2018/12/10,"I feel so done. I am so tired of being like this.  I have no friends, no job, no interests and no motivations to go out and get any of those things.  I have been this way for more years than I can count and it's exhausting.  And unfair. 

Even my husband, with the patience of a saint, is fed up and yelling at me.  What do I do?  I am on meds.  I stay at home and cry and sleep.  I am so depressed.

I send out Christmas cards every year without fail.  I can't do it this year because I am so depressed.  I feel like I am in a black hole and I can't see any way out.  

I hate me and this and I just want it all to stop.  I want to be normal.",-1.6640927920463966,0.1185355070422549,0.9634217067108536,103.03282104391054,91.8169014084507,4.186246893123447,16.8036454018227,5.5289334501034215,-0.9211347141673568,470,12,128,3,17,160,80,142,0.23600000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.9685,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,3,0,18,4,1,1,1,24,27,14,0,3,2,1,2,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,10,14,1,1,3,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,3,5,21,4,18,22,2,17,1,3,2,0,3,8,0,0,6,92,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433515094358812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907157426305844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654171088519748,0.0,0.0,0.30821724892771235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310332811104715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817887634335085,0.0,0.15075279654186372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809406328629836,0.12782470615664085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823771454720887,0.0,0.09348140330093753,0.0,0.10168771824210736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665229339618066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794772768803841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755635737304684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748283238708166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874635051982373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530940264579215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258078499070428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790551285747638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071121366005572,0.0,0.14959007288479798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887042439689495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564901296548996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110702755548927,0.28404611875494123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247819266090827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456672599862926
bpd,Lilicion,2018/12/10,"I know BPD is common among females TLDR at the end!

I'm a woman BPD here and this post may be triggering to some. 

I live in the Southern United States and so to whomever reads this your cultural experience may be different than mine.  

I've had BPD for most of my life. I was severely neglected at birth and was adopted into a physically and mentally abused family.  I didn't have words until my diagnosis about why my emotions were so uncontrollable and the lengths I would go to for attention. 

One of those lengths was sex.  I began having sex at a very young age because it was what was wanted from me. When the relationship became abusive (because that's what I was seeking unintentionally) it became what was expected.  

Much of my life has much been the same. I know it wasn't rape at first, but I didn't really want it either. I wanted the attention my boyfriend gave me. Then that was the only way to get his attention.  

I learned as a hardly teenager that sex gets me attention. Lots of it.  I used it to my advantage but I always hated myself a little bit more because of it.

I grew up in a religious home. Church 3x a week.  It was a lot of pressure keeping up the dual identity. Sundays and Wednesdays I was a good little Christian, the rest of the week I was looking for any type of attention with one of the only ways I knew how to get it.  

Anyways.  I don't know what the point of this post is. I just know societally many women face this and I was wondering how it effected other women with Bpd 

TLDR; I'm a woman with Bpd. As a young teenager I started having sex for attention. Does any other women with BPD relate? ",2.4572750951713123,4.687531086956525,4.4386074934882815,81.74054397916251,78.19254658385094,7.5088759767581665,25.60448807854137,8.460557738077197,1.9800455620116213,1278,49,244,27,31,436,161,322,0.07200000000000001,0.893,0.035,-0.8751,1,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,1,0,3,9,7,2,2,23,0,30,8,1,5,0,49,52,18,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,24,12,0,2,14,1,0,2,4,5,0,3,21,2,34,2,40,26,11,36,2,1,1,5,11,13,0,7,16,182,58,3,0.0,0.20948464928907312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355783384214347,0.0,0.0,0.12023325378771148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166774925451002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965124660952215,0.0,0.668037962566585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923616363482606,0.0,0.0,0.0773614889339997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994407408978176,0.07829823956868785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647445771024892,0.0833378644347138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751949905576802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385597317259434,0.0,0.050241090605266985,0.07414769381141109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919113824727707,0.08727901492503574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867476117287984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857606718714517,0.0,0.0,0.1943344703059552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248823830450287,0.0,0.17720475013910594,0.0780608913425186,0.0,0.07423570614798408,0.0,0.0,0.15031302696344562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896261037979653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908877256364119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997179239233306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980743537588508,0.13446793576687333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356879136729725,0.0,0.1693300220789163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842626917777936,0.0,0.05663280667753275,0.0,0.0,0.09491103621518616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099869488532118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257163567828984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763512435530208,0.0,0.07294119389676781,0.15642598272759126,0.14033933532134374,0.14182205962468214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976936738291675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586857351368867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279849038693053,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChemicalForest,2018/12/10,"Is anyone else afraid to get a pet because you might lose it? I know it sounds morbid but the truth is that most animals have a fairly short lifespan and I don't want to get attached and endure the inevitable suffering when they finally go. Been there, done that, it was horrible. 

Anyone else?",3.766964285714288,6.021854625000002,4.1601428571428585,85.18485714285717,74.17857142857143,7.337142857142857,25.485714285714288,8.238735603445708,1.7217471428571427,233,8,43,4,5,73,44,56,0.203,0.7490000000000001,0.048,-0.8588,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,13,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,1,4,1,2,9,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495351405288549,0.5121970086528295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236433931909324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557808283529634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175944636546785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738028667328193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26117221372852417,0.0,0.14204967803487853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736340416516374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27962486514699464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651524723375035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742421800595734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flower12345678,2018/12/10,"I don’t know what to do I feel so messed up right now. I was dating someone for about two years. We broke up after a few months because he wanted to be single and I was devastated but we kept hanging out and eventually got back together when he realized he wanted a relationship more than he had thought. I was happy but also worried he was going to leave again without notice. I got close with someone who I worked with and we ended up fooling around, I told the boyfriend about it because I felt so guilty and I thought he would see my point of view but he left and I don’t blame him. I was hanging out with the other guy who eventually told me we needed to stop hanging out because it was toxic and I was unstable. I was trying really hard not to be obsessive or needy but I guess I came across that way anyways. Me and the ex boyfriend started seeing each other again, but only with tons of alcohol, molly, and cocaine. We just spend so much time together he decided to move in. I still thought he was going to someday leave me again and the coworker started messaging me again. For months I was hiding that I was still talking to him, and even went over to his place a few months ago, and fooled around again. This time I didn’t tell my boyfriend, but I was feeling a lot of guilt and this just made the relationship rocky and he left me about a month ago. He came over this weekend to get his stuff and I told him everything that I hid from him because I was so full of rage that he was seeing someone new. I knew he was hurting and I knew I needed to stop talking but I didn’t. I told him everything and every detail. Now I can’t stop thinking about how I fucked up the potential of anything ever happening there again. And I can’t stop thinking about how he is seeing someone else and I shouldn’t blame him because I was a shitty girlfriend and I just don’t know what to do to get my head to stop racing. ",2.9069424807197954,4.559150622107972,3.9843565231362486,88.14833427056557,74.91259640102828,6.816227506426735,25.780928663239074,7.531066641456977,1.238630398457583,1508,53,313,19,32,489,164,389,0.19899999999999998,0.779,0.022000000000000002,-0.9967,0,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,5,0,0,1,33,10,2,2,12,0,31,3,1,3,1,82,71,35,0,6,13,1,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,16,37,1,6,14,1,1,9,10,9,0,1,36,9,56,1,47,31,9,64,0,2,5,1,42,20,1,3,34,226,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955835189330607,0.08412610689600951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295113372597796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647785953184083,0.1401522589704027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060529646070338214,0.0,0.2399302498745769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006592256384873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575918253488032,0.0,0.06972120143101712,0.0,0.0,0.051992808433425866,0.07120536476348406,0.06632370787341084,0.0,0.14149417391670027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796048494735688,0.0,0.07558207795428164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277395903603745,0.08225430541059514,0.0,0.08947504356418835,0.0,0.1259167064709237,0.0,0.08671727185547408,0.07794366351398503,0.06961048493703396,0.08379727735150824,0.0705162891490851,0.0,0.08078786269003863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426975251444092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652322723875118,0.0,0.0,0.16670299188125612,0.17105570060314534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692363000978213,0.0,0.07448532166695272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513293337597813,0.08366527809900233,0.05786713448254895,0.11673749929959225,0.0,0.0760267909136123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962150226796033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986894524870324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224404900810398,0.0,0.07441440022613292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050429068951215024,0.0,0.0,0.16902835901388194,0.0,0.06722514509267243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509137223058818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26679162395478584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143467947749087,0.0,0.1257293470632523,0.3290608374226224,0.0,0.0,0.09011381736486317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654185219840622,0.06880341430289963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087923686273928,0.0,0.1874810218090408,0.09180274827794116,0.0,0.0,0.3008754941231565,0.0,0.05344467536329177,0.0,0.07689650903430903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286038878075176,0.062483059137305424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297281231556013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588179806269306,0.0,0.05730798524659358,0.07994242953843105,0.0,0.05591934406124157,0.0,0.0,0.05069211516830635
bpd,lifeispainlolkms,2018/12/10,"The slightest decline in messaging frequency with my FP has sent me spiraling I have a new FP and obviously I'm obsessed with him lol, y'all know the drill. I haven't had an FP for a few months because I've been isolating myself purposely... I know how crazily attached I get and I wanted to avoid it, but here we are lol. 

We are new-ish friends and basically message or snapchat all day long, with intermittent breaks for school and work stuff. It's still pretty often throughout the day, but he used to send me cute and funny messages at night while I was asleep and that has now ceased. I even mentioned it casually saying how I miss waking up to them, and he told me he was just tired.

I now wake up frequently throughout the night, checking my phone obsessively, and when I see he hasn't contacted me I feel like I'm dying inside. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I legitimately feel crippled by this, and as if he is slowly abandoning me. I I've tried turning my phone off, turning off notifications, putting my phone on the other side of the room, but I still end up checking it. Please if anyone has any advice or things that have worked for them in the past, I would be greatly appreciative. ",4.085301318267419,5.611430788135596,4.973333333333333,82.75857815442562,71.62711864406779,7.956308851224105,28.789077212806028,8.515128840125781,2.043703201506591,950,37,189,16,18,309,142,236,0.08199999999999999,0.774,0.14400000000000002,0.9601,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,1,2,2,11,11,1,3,11,2,18,5,3,3,2,36,34,21,1,4,8,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,11,14,0,2,4,1,2,3,2,6,0,0,6,4,32,5,22,26,2,31,0,2,1,1,24,11,1,5,17,124,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948005615264506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402452722878963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695985341094323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324880682364513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730538642102924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587582233194604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354856014852643,0.0,0.0,0.10103493311830704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469198307980245,0.1092814641415406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818388087500792,0.14141786730707634,0.07992026682395438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864944893022749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681361084473985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473318648822769,0.0,0.0,0.1353732220454752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209882093406565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954778542110077,0.0,0.28710308646270183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460267270450647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791461011857733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556250074637967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377663001001554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164751150031874,0.0,0.15481333291852753,0.12189691187821175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443233315201606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751135163654857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162615985441954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581597417162412,0.0,0.14616894307890188,0.0,0.10385627096435764,0.3327738487623802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321165611629637,0.0,0.0,0.0902253932081453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272728213743048,0.0,0.0,0.108665166538973,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darmud,2018/12/10,"Everyday is a constant battle with myself I hate having to spend so much time having to stop myself from doing stupid shit and trying to control my emotions it wears out my body and my (lack of) personality.

I hate trying to cheer myself up at work or block out intrusive and painful thoughts but cant do anything about it because i dont want people to think im more of a freak.

I hate having to pretend to be ok to not make my family worry, and I hate that I lie and manipulate just so I won't feel abandoned. im losing myself, or was never here to begin with

",6.223994252873568,5.123767663793107,7.412068965517242,76.35649425287356,66.32758620689657,9.457471264367816,30.540229885057467,8.344100000000001,2.1644298850574715,443,13,88,5,6,152,74,116,0.307,0.629,0.064,-0.9826,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,13,7,0,2,1,11,4,3,3,1,26,21,10,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,9,0,4,3,1,1,0,5,11,0,0,2,1,15,2,19,17,3,10,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,2,6,67,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875523032978525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537803169037026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379446337234564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908027876833912,0.17548589485004515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337277691466625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599914974510034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749883347262918,0.0,0.07911209465840792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6178969415837623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380124994662329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504141302743442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443987229613458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501787268159495,0.0,0.12067345465759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664870335409548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084713332586278,0.13661693963654642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060641339543133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080957901790705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002547933766628,0.0,0.12421367493812087,0.0912344883470688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245540915104594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228558204457901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390649648842058,0.15889517019857835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sxdk,2018/12/10,"I feel like I have angry bursts with people because I subconsciously know it’s not right to be together A lot of the time I get attached to people despite not wanting anything more than just a friendship. Even if I knew that it wasn’t right, I get blinded and deny that I’ve made them my FP. I feel like eventually I get guilty without realizing and I have to end things suddenly and dramatically. I need to ‘act crazy’ to make sure the person gets freaked out so I can cut them out of my life. 

I’ve been sleeping with this guy from work who I initially didn’t plan on being anything besides friends. He has a girlfriend and I have a “LDR” but they almost never see each other and I feel like I don’t have any romantic interest in mine. 

We normally drank together after work but I ended up getting a little too drunk and slept over. The thing was I already told him I wasn’t interested before but I felt lonely and one thing lead to another. Afterwards when he was asked what we were I said we were two lonely friends in texting relationships. It kept happening for a few weeks but I’m out of town at the moment. 

Last night we texted all night and jokingly spoke about how this new girl at work has a crush on him. Innocently. He slowly switched the conversation to be a bit more serious about how he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I instantly went on an emotional roller coaster (although I didn’t really tell him at first). He shortly after apologized. It ended up with me mentioning how I was annoyed but I didn’t even know why and then to me saying we need to move things back a few steps. He then mentioned how when he does break up with his girlfriend he’s not looking to get into a relationship but to just fuck around. This killed me. When he asked what I wanted to do I said talk less and he agreed to it, but I messaged him *again* saying that I couldn’t speak to him at all anymore. 

I don’t want to date him. I know we’re not right for each other. I know he’s in a relationship. But I got attached so quickly?? When I saw the other guy I’m talking to last week I didn’t even want to kiss him because I felt like that was cheating. ",2.448803222771112,4.38425063990826,3.8177064220183503,87.60341684309576,77.00458715596329,6.948859091978357,24.94095506939545,7.882392219407189,1.3223524582451192,1693,60,354,27,39,556,209,436,0.106,0.78,0.115,-0.2464,0,4,0,0,0,0,31.0,5,0,3,6,22,21,5,0,18,0,28,8,2,7,4,77,72,32,1,10,16,0,6,4,4,0,2,6,0,4,22,26,2,1,12,3,0,5,16,10,0,3,27,16,58,11,53,41,11,59,0,3,4,2,57,25,1,3,32,238,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231108216972811,0.0,0.0907093648623277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558985850989322,0.08619350685640864,0.0,0.0,0.0815199714431188,0.0,0.0,0.13528662670660396,0.07317512153597147,0.15369116519373732,0.0,0.0,0.06320646189030328,0.0,0.10021629518471528,0.0,0.06994585330639297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974073526542019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719334732501311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246354967972503,0.21841349226169945,0.0,0.0,0.1628762934281011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662504643984726,0.1761703528711983,0.15784912154469966,0.0,0.0,0.06991898574288588,0.0,0.0,0.12701450126053246,0.07599225779500897,0.2576755668225782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574257430531241,0.0,0.0,0.16278116649690788,0.0726888846867758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799643227088733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094174091527817,0.0,0.1806991258048048,0.13400738201744336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806004824859407,0.16063440020981568,0.08238565033826131,0.0,0.0,0.06902700886427364,0.0,0.0,0.06988320838450947,0.0,0.07777930239106917,0.05486890893838888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873652260507372,0.0,0.12190000734639606,0.06339744246444579,0.07938894037046268,0.0,0.1542776183496062,0.08053821063329618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570061452107362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397378369283127,0.0717735693807093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265920473290879,0.0,0.0,0.26475500583573125,0.0,0.21059417230521227,0.15638139353832226,0.13073693204523346,0.0,0.0,0.06550248372612136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225902000968566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747220336486686,0.0,0.0,0.13213794029478718,0.07184612279089563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184391968407913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793128067948713,0.0,0.0,0.07854529427994059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029712022645001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241743532453694,0.0,0.13187121231591226,0.0,0.0,0.0761999050067456,0.07417240456313247,0.0,0.0,0.07923753546888199,0.0,0.17952698655909916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,croaking_frogs,2018/12/10,"What is my ex FP doing? I went no contact on my FP around last spring and kept my resolve to go and stay cold turkey.

...Except she keeps popping up. Never directly, but around. I never react to those, not wanting to fuel the fire and get sucked back in. It's like a drug. One hit and there I go again.

A friend of hers who I never talk to, contacted me. There was no talk of the FP though. I didn't think much of it, but there was a little itch in the back of my mind. 
She made posts about me on social medias, no names named but obvious enough
Tags me so I get notified indirectly
She follows my social media with indirect account.
She sent a letter to my parents.
Stuff like that. Around me but never direct. Keeps herself far enough but still around.

I am confused and frankly a little scared. What's going on? ",0.7345731707317071,3.142370871951222,2.2860487804878065,93.27785365853659,87.23170731707317,4.743414634146341,17.956097560975607,6.2581,-0.14267951219512165,629,16,131,6,20,204,98,164,0.122,0.804,0.073,-0.8136,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,14,7,1,2,8,0,6,2,1,2,5,36,22,12,0,1,7,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,3,2,0,1,6,9,3,0,1,7,2,23,4,22,14,3,31,0,0,0,0,20,13,1,3,12,98,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520611417940436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523838656589165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722543543473213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26235323528190363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808374632492337,0.0,0.13265563999664862,0.0,0.21645132935874026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256837181616469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348382218582362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404586566787207,0.25448096550855154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012621061915985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281865664453067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332522743017256,0.0,0.3916566125990113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602679049411754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096653190218975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158609595510354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710232489009712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588256495553117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135315245649284,0.10138500907508796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533106875566934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040803858952608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134650011084059,0.12473089849110533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488030105267596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768691099820584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dEv0iD72,2018/12/10,"BetterMan and NothingMan by Pearl Jam seems to encapsulate how I feel | Especially just the tone. Just realized that for many years I have been listening to my inner thoughts in songs.  Especially from the PJ catalog.  

​

I wonder if there is song music out there that can help manage daily?",5.287169811320755,8.144624132075469,5.910037735849059,71.57033962264154,71.83018867924528,10.277735849056604,29.467924528301893,10.355215969177356,3.859018113207548,241,10,39,8,5,78,45,53,0.0,0.9470000000000001,0.053,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,9,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,7,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,1,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629956625317927,0.4070878005637409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939694005414546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245578539863128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396592240823708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049909971658504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659696540491197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633165329483223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070878005637409,0.2157428661989895
bpd,lucyanide,2018/12/10,"Seriously struggling with the winter depression this year and idk how to kick it... Does anyone have advice for how to beat the winter depression? After a couple of months of really intense emotions I've hit the crash and I'm back to feeling sad and empty.. At the minute I'm needing at least 10 hours of sleep which is really frustrating me because even once I'm awake, I end up staying in bed until at least mid-afternoon and therefore miss a good chunk of sunlight as well :( I'm so unmotivated and fed up and I can't get anything productive at all, I'm scared of losing my mind if this keeps up...",4.8475,5.729539159663869,5.977636554621849,78.69990021008405,69.16806722689076,8.975210084033613,29.160714285714285,9.188382445141503,2.427814285714286,476,17,91,9,8,159,82,119,0.261,0.679,0.06,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,1,2,6,0,3,2,1,3,1,16,15,12,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,1,4,2,21,13,3,18,0,5,0,0,0,8,0,1,9,54,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946257479111507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926367170556822,0.0,0.16389920614056075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531487506040184,0.0,0.1214116400340488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203768305038764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34308812293149826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429422918790585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403843984241292,0.176404713772213,0.0,0.0,0.13154931787838806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070588571368044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405763888653452,0.0,0.0,0.16705359885131402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614145249378426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703065506772558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281928713447985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110402304202787,0.0,0.15897488236889248,0.0,0.0,0.14768137042792828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210860057388464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551856620812825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994030231264476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993129462341728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228776956594736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082147966481564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907694795693166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825837597794082
bpd,alizaman1995,2018/12/10,"Amazing DBT/CBT handbook! Just started reading “Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) - Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workbook for Getting Control of Our Emotions and Emotion-Driven Behavior.” I have to say, it’s pretty awesome. It’s similar to Marsha Linehan’s handbook (which I love!) but from a different perspective. I will say though, the author does try really hard to come off super casual. If you can get past that “hello fellow kids” approach and the fact that the whole thing is in Comic Sans, it’s great for those who are really struggling with self harm. Be on the look out for the crazy cover art as well. I got it off Amazon for about $20 but they have the option to buy a used one! Hope this helps. I definitely didn’t know this existed but I’m glad I do now. Godspeed! 
—
[Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) - Cognitive-Behavioral Therap...](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002A6LLK0/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_IdJdCbH700CDZ)",6.241607142857141,8.787903755952383,6.579285714285718,69.2657142857143,67.98809523809524,10.038095238095238,34.02380952380953,10.290406445055957,4.2639595238095245,773,37,116,22,14,249,116,168,0.079,0.685,0.235,0.9808,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,1,1,1,2,5,10,0,1,10,0,9,1,0,2,1,16,20,8,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,12,5,0,1,1,4,1,2,1,2,1,1,2,4,9,8,18,16,1,10,0,0,1,1,12,5,0,3,3,70,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319536165572305,0.0,0.0,0.4812128036296655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494209666519951,0.0,0.0,0.12515400241036925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087341256619386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943960048134916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438271963401897,0.15767531360380085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811397561821958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095860408742577,0.0,0.0,0.14204685916355686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859768826915689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009716816731272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907725251696353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969111392659855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652466774968755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549838147766367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305440159324484,0.0,0.18323903846971784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22746364896656246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919656515805196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122724821367468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951106116935126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906527490076984,0.0,0.0950132759225612,0.0,0.1405121986419982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709827217283823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351964590316752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858828935799646,0.0,0.0,0.15967192112215053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Carceres,2018/12/10,"I’m in charge My extreme emotional states, otherwise known as instability, are always caused by something external. Some kind of message or belief about how I am or should be.

I might be holding it internally, but it came from somewhere outside of me. No baby comes into this world full of hatred for themselves. 

What matters most is what I think and feel about myself. I’m the master of this house. Not anyone else. Not even a therapist. In my case, especially not a therapist.

No one else can or should speak for me. I know myself better than anyone can know me, and I love myself more than anyone can love me.

So if a compliment comes my way, so be it. It doesn’t need to rock my boat, because I’m in charge here. If an insult comes my way, so be it. It doesn’t need to rock my boat, because I’m in charge here. ",1.9836273006134952,4.165018417177915,3.513186349693253,88.01984087423313,79.5521472392638,6.283588957055216,21.84394171779141,7.413659706084162,0.8006199386503061,634,19,130,9,16,209,90,163,0.08900000000000001,0.784,0.127,0.7662,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,0,5,0,15,2,0,2,0,33,31,13,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,6,2,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,2,18,5,20,23,4,14,1,0,0,2,5,7,0,8,0,93,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287254787787354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245162823056483,0.1585117391483643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861130386672012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682243341117886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693927951188515,0.0,0.15892283020232892,0.0,0.3997893978896333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584693919503071,0.17402030910336475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218002310512482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822260042852316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850675434988586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109960566988973,0.17004169662629282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792514067167277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641156774431469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294209667658235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483091109717628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909810309091436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592447430993946,0.0,0.09912758191030133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455924432127493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Username-Is-Wrong,2018/12/10,"Just wanted to say hello Clinically diagnosed for what it's worth. Been through DBT too. It's was helpful, I feel I learnt a lot about my emotions and how to understand and work with them. However it's not a concrete thing that works everyday. I'm currently having one of those ""days"" and it feels horrible after a couple of weeks of ""normality"". Had a lot of stuff go on this year, it's been the worst years in my life and I'm really struggling to hold it together. Anyway I just wanted to say hi and vent a little, thanks for listening.",2.5839252336448624,4.733626130841124,4.353093457943924,82.91094859813086,77.41121495327103,8.392149532710281,24.718691588785052,9.120678840339163,2.154413831775702,424,15,84,11,10,143,73,107,0.102,0.8290000000000001,0.07,-0.6582,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,1,6,0,5,3,0,1,0,19,15,6,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,12,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,4,5,6,1,16,11,3,11,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,7,60,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096815951000312,0.0,0.12879225694721316,0.0,0.0,0.20269488104626296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463959390957733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019522121912473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113496119289163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385706779284046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105651044234732,0.0,0.20015540285948588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33956160253356305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566706008513526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532428151275674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793519616947827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176245279934896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877349171823853,0.22861276525464255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386018106176047,0.0,0.0,0.1326741527937723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789841952258795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355806343863356,0.0,0.160190127275126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907730992096323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25720505387783105
bpd,ofthecosmos,2018/12/10,"Seeking medication recommendations I have just moved to a region with limited healthcare offerings, and I really need a change in medication. I’m looking for a new psychiatrist, but I also would love your recommendations for meds that work. (I am in therapy, by the way.)

My biggest issues are sleep, anxiety, shame, rumination, and suicidal ideation. I’ve been taking Ativan to sleep but obviously that’s not sustainable and my doctor wants to get me off of it. I have had great success with seroquel but I couldn’t stand the weight gain. Essentially I’m looking for a medication that helps with the above issues without causing weight gain or interrupting sleep.

Thanks ✨",6.223813559322032,8.848738330508482,7.0120000000000005,65.80715254237289,68.23728813559322,10.48271186440678,33.83389830508475,10.577609850970193,4.3879600000000005,545,26,85,17,10,180,80,118,0.11900000000000001,0.647,0.23399999999999999,0.965,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,5,2,5,0,1,7,0,8,10,3,1,1,20,18,8,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,4,10,4,15,14,0,8,0,0,2,1,4,4,0,1,1,54,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135830541042262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865420126913126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459061362657176,0.1502511753795341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537591762491986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420593298943033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565909399875749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952011520986214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964893140933768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23854245821156905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818955510964436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776569293777346,0.429247327101134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509576912519137,0.0,0.1053150349654935,0.0,0.13717552956711848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098942827693493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264041532301056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536011259775176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679049604004943,0.0,0.0,0.1307641154162272,0.16242613469107034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377423835554403,0.11273850471832585,0.0,0.3459137749996684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691391822104848,0.0,0.10340109230124774,0.0,0.0,0.10089555987392457,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bmbrkbb,2018/12/10,"i dont want to change few days ago i got an bad anxiety attack (or panic attack we still cant understand what it was exactly), went to the psy, told me i probably had BPD, while she was comforting me with ""everything is gon be alright"" i sensed that the objects in her studio had some entities in them, ready to hurt me. the psy wasnt convincing at all. im taking xans now.

yesterday night i began being scared of myself, i was scared i might kill myself today. now im better, but yesterday suicide seemed like the only way today would end. idk.

​

i dont want to get better, i feel like im starting to finally live, i dont want to become normal.",2.2079824561403534,4.120673451127821,4.3475375939849625,83.63353696741856,77.64661654135338,7.741604010025062,23.11340852130325,8.59863814320734,1.6555769423558906,511,16,101,11,12,176,87,133,0.225,0.653,0.122,-0.8643,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,1,0,1,2,3,15,3,3,5,1,15,0,0,0,2,16,28,3,2,5,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,10,1,19,7,11,14,3,20,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,4,17,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248149696672756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252636402963343,0.14047908854661895,0.0,0.0,0.08844151261237528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304666254399234,0.0,0.0,0.09652971639259623,0.0,0.1276824204781314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449571410993275,0.0,0.0,0.14560704266322452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230029825941513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455903676895764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40648299987445896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023963524366054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039030237770346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058456008036690266,0.08259197430837326,0.0,0.12664536042283453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604015756569028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246406536905544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376314666280885,0.0,0.3746366747830749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279055948998106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296264132084045,0.0,0.10208595474757806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264418859776567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108492373007878,0.11327348299627048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792679259492528,0.0,0.13564370004619405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464738597531745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314920253134023,0.0,0.0,0.10524721506626077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182951870620725,0.0,0.09232648225555147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264588317550656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692450813764431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191699678671555,0.11047053300657347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035433086436198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456973420922608,0.09176602257881444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717184521766134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212619325247845,0.0,0.14047908854661895,0.0
bpd,AstridItesm,2018/12/10,"I don't know who I am. I don't even know who I want to be. All I know is that I hate myself. I wish I could just accept that I'll perhaps never be able to find any identity, just to stop wasting so much effort trying to be all kinds of persons in vain.


I wish I could accept myself, whatever that may happen to be at any moment. But I also enjoy hating myself and feel a lot of resistance inside me just writing that last sentence.",3.387210144927536,3.679917793478261,5.396521739130439,83.68253623188406,72.15217391304348,7.437681159420292,24.02898550724637,7.1686216300943375,0.9594942028985516,335,8,70,3,6,117,56,92,0.153,0.6759999999999999,0.171,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,1,0,11,0,0,0,3,24,21,4,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,15,4,9,14,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,55,21,0,0.19561885278866956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643632589995413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26605505590517536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123714726016598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292044073415762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891076965882348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787920875145182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298510547983809,0.0,0.0,0.3862662360652564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037069325392996,0.3225210168530636,0.15945547392324852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630815324455198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438023649933537,0.0,0.15087331879036656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080683688417167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354612016372375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281236028476745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538106768446806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499040532444051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dogeatsdoggieworld,2018/12/10,"SH Urge. Which skill should I use? Ok so yesterday I wrote a final exam last night and I know I did really bad. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve had the urge to SH. I got through last night by just going to sleep, and this morning the urge was still there. I did a sheet where I wrote down very specific feelings I had. I also did a “check the facts” worksheet. That helped put things in perspective. The rest of the day I was occupied. Now I still have the urge to SH. I’m not really sure if it’s still because of the prompting event, or if it’s because I’ve been thinking about it so much that I crave it.  What skill should I do now? I know I won’t fall asleep for at least another 2 hours.",0.14585526315789465,2.089739506578951,1.855789473684208,98.67802631578951,84.85526315789474,5.642105263157895,18.05263157894737,6.9077264865688965,-0.16896842105263146,543,13,134,7,16,177,88,152,0.049,0.935,0.017,-0.6288,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,12,3,0,0,12,1,13,2,2,1,2,18,23,8,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,11,1,15,2,13,9,3,26,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,18,86,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241327857585953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867360351321316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148692250500504,0.21711604853949204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484909918554835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004434815596007,0.0,0.0,0.19508172571574103,0.0,0.15147770005271316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120893422000056,0.0,0.14242961114930908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193655893609158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537633586163662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574002459863155,0.2903235766710622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759825808902453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309118336029133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342385269023503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790230642234234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816964905294226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821206968702513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266530434484652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167841553464184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831073773181723,0.11410869043590224,0.0,0.0,0.20768379520289312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380693160277106,0.0,0.1469375048608591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lizshowbizz,2018/12/10,"How do you know if you have fallen out of love? I feel like being somebody who suffers from BPD it’s hard to know how you feel on somebody in the long term. Since people with BPD live on an emotional hour and hour basis. Where’s the solid ground in knowing your feelings for somebody? I’ve read many articles about this question but I feel like the ‘rules’ to understanding your feelings doesn’t really apply well to me.  I feel like I need to mention a few things. Recently, last month, I went down on my mood stabilizer and haven’t been acting great since going lower. I’m a lot easier to make ill and annoyed. I’m easier to upset and etc. basically easy to trigger. Lately I’ve been feeling strange about my partner. Like something is missing. I didn’t have this problem till I went lower on my meds. It just feels different and I don’t know why. Me and my partner have been together for 1 year and 4 months. We have a great relationship. I’ve been so honest about how I feel on everything. He says it’s in my head but is it? I’m sitting here crying because I don’t want to be out of love with him. He means so much to me. I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s just been annoying me so much. I want to fix it. It’s not because of the whole abandonment thing. I love him. I do. But at times these thoughts come into my head and I think and think about it till it eats me alive. I feel like my mind tricks me into thinking I feel I’m not in love. I’m unsure. Also I want to mention this is my first normal relationship I’ve had. My last one was...not great. I think I’m just use to chaos and not being normal? I just want this problem to stop happening and go away. I don’t want to second guess my feelings. I do it a lot with people I date. I just feel like I’m so fucked up in the head because I never can tell what my feelings are romantically sometimes. The thoughts just consume it. I get really bad anxiety which makes the thoughts worse. How do I fix this and how can I view my relationship in a better light? I just hate the self doubt. Why does it happen? I know nobody knows the answer 100%. I just want input. I desperately want the answer to be it’s in my head and I’m being stupid. I would be so heart broken if it’s the other way. Why can’t I just be normal? ",0.7392934626877903,2.8621269958246387,2.7305612182242416,92.21427811207992,83.84342379958247,5.594023496663802,20.039338491137585,6.881172211772175,0.27530599697081337,1777,51,394,22,51,595,197,479,0.17800000000000002,0.637,0.185,-0.3548,3,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,1,5,0,2,27,31,6,2,17,0,38,12,5,9,1,105,103,31,0,17,18,0,15,6,2,2,1,1,0,3,26,22,1,2,33,1,0,7,13,14,1,3,12,18,63,16,51,82,8,49,0,3,1,5,28,22,1,7,24,250,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848330576825172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637940848379112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696096326313953,0.0,0.050620924667114764,0.11087277682741783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361956154830636,0.0,0.0,0.15271490299792875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222470149097663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659579698158452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334220115933326,0.0,0.0,0.05305500408812566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062036448774074375,0.0,0.06819709635321249,0.0,0.0,0.06761501355923177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448754368977007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291669141534449,0.2165593283506793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156920563987434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604858719890537,0.03167505018524661,0.0,0.06891132278305595,0.0,0.0,0.20052409623504905,0.06678735962181026,0.0,0.107224325476628,0.0,0.05430978929370235,0.05985650686746606,0.24888273918716164,0.0,0.0,0.07184316209780373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941055779522865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332326904843993,0.0988380218490495,0.06838977791582958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777154301348125,0.0,0.05353465873483073,0.05365289397086621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308563562999458,0.2188725579072377,0.0,0.08093784594314474,0.061466155433753465,0.0,0.06604046168502369,0.0673428126296313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061215880837514614,0.0,0.09678361783163553,0.0,0.08913548681307336,0.04495407420142752,0.04675919870339019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820445342080296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041082352868610963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406211026034799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602350072731688,0.0,0.0,0.06791599715342926,0.0,0.06064330117440295,0.0,0.0776782823392121,0.0,0.059861744409167875,0.19527178769921075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048212940031477115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324707338116202,0.0,0.0,0.10030238755353924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046673545483427004,0.05996154905993545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068679864151285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052990578185101035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055562979071046,0.15538906440586414,0.0,0.14439294684792878,0.03535202983396404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311473547966581,0.0,0.05236217134206033,0.0,0.0,0.25031519287877474,0.04812280704389603,0.0,0.0,0.05451085931078742,0.112403477518453,0.16411902760371436,0.06768776279417417,0.0,0.05844216299157881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178398517503879,0.08613521301404098,0.0,0.0,0.03904173244031986
bpd,blockman77,2018/12/10,"Is It Common For Someone with BPD to Have Bouts of Lost Interest In A Relationship? I sense that my girlfriend (who has BPD) is getting bored of our relationship. In the last week, she has become more recluse and less responsive to me. She barely initiates contact and sometimes leaves me on ""read"" or gives quick, few-word answers. Sometimes sends emojis as a response. We haven't slept in the same bed for a week. She even said she wants to sleep alone lately. Yet she is still very loving, cuddly, and kissy when we do hang out. She even apologized for ""being so shitty lately"". All of this is extremely abnormal behavior and has only been happening for the last 7 days. We hung out twice during that time.

I ask because I am worried and wondering if this is a BPD thing that comes and goes, stays, or if it's unrelated. She once mentioned something called ""splitting"", where she acted really cold/mean towards me for no reason one day and she didn't know how to explain it.

Any help is much appreciated. Thank you.",4.68907504363002,6.534020350785344,5.006366492146597,81.84888656195464,70.62303664921465,8.025270506108201,27.91657940663176,8.648137234880735,2.1077829668411865,801,29,148,14,15,253,130,191,0.076,0.81,0.114,0.8217,0,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,4,1,0,1,9,5,0,0,7,0,16,3,2,2,1,27,30,15,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,10,14,0,0,5,1,0,4,3,2,0,2,5,1,21,3,21,24,5,27,0,1,0,1,29,8,0,5,14,103,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290683415824099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474561405213983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650252100013292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596696283481992,0.13763257790241246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708621414155877,0.0,0.12725056392226294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734876686817578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073868897543284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462016556914735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510860724519997,0.11954649364543064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020071718530264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352990349386984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684876833103669,0.2031632438726049,0.2811527157094877,0.13195418246882906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360370348549506,0.0,0.1124740712815991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574729817301492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916097586046636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271582668863666,0.08444547875971359,0.09477883553752804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465334246117893,0.0,0.07983451875730843,0.12812972331214506,0.0,0.2675896656205408,0.0,0.0,0.11854179491555335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470961742073207,0.0,0.10558979845293157,0.09593827077934164,0.2465039786661813,0.0,0.0,0.13282793228376213,0.09952138840968547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473300165384118,0.0,0.0,0.08279173719945697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266670178322987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282423658586144,0.07350387984655883,0.0,0.19992468223897086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514466047912316,0.0,0.12655727189143182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sarahalex92,2018/12/10,"Intrusive thoughts I'm not sure if this is due to bpd or another mental disorder. I have ptsd, severe anxiety, and depression along with bpd. 
I have racing thoughts all the time and it's very hard for me to relax. I get intrusive thoughts like I'll randomly think about how often I'm blinking or focus on my breathing and then get obsessed over it and can't stop thinking about it. It's an automatic body function but for some reason feel like if I stop thinking about it something bad will happen. 
I also get urges to do something crazy. For example freak out and breaking stuff (usually when I'm feeling get anxious and can't relax.) Or I'll be cutting something up for dinner or washing dishes and have the urge to cut myself. Even if I'm not sad or suicidal. Only myself. I don't ever have thoughts of hurting anyone else, just myself. 
Or walking over the bridge I'll feel like jumping over. I won't hurt myself. 
I struggle with repetitive thoughts. Constantly feel the need to pray for any bad or negative thoughts I have or just in general. Or ice with numbers. 
I feel like I'm crazy and have no control over these thoughts and urges. I don't want anyone to label me as crazy and I'm scared to tell my therapist but I also hate having to deal with this all the time. 
I also dissociate a lot. When I do i feel like I'm in a trance or dreaming. I can see and hear what's going on but everything seems far away and ill forget what someone says as soon as they say it usually. There have been times where i found myself replying to someone but felt like i wasnt the one talking. The words were just coming out. I don't know how to pull myself out of it. In severe cases I won't recognize my own body. It can last seconds to minutes, sometimes hours. I've had times I was out of it for a day. 
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bpd,LampStrike,2018/12/10,"DAE feel valueless Does anyone else think that everyone they know thinks they are worthless. Like all of their “friends” are only able to tolerate being around them. None of them genuinely like spending time with me. They only hang out because of social nicety. I’ve just been lately feeling like an outcast in my own social circle. 

It seems like every “friend” I’ve ever had only cared about me insofar as they could use me. Either as a study buddy to help them in a tough class or as a means to get someone they really wanted to be with. Once they have successfully used me, they all toss me to the curb like old lunch meat... idk maybe I’m just rambling now and this is just a “me” problem",3.309676616915421,5.46390820149254,3.91126865671642,86.90978855721393,75.19402985074628,6.556218905472638,22.360696517412933,7.492282038375204,0.9168427860696516,545,15,104,7,12,172,94,134,0.055999999999999994,0.737,0.207,0.9670000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,11,1,7,12,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,2,3,26,22,5,0,3,5,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,7,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,18,9,18,17,5,10,0,1,0,0,16,4,0,2,10,66,21,2,0.1517083263785616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060779891981744,0.15544310843540715,0.0,0.1350525745099031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924799876545946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467674957287886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112675399441195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276097875824974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673283990203424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722886667500753,0.1278208081004023,0.14496380717221471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534165762843556,0.10838045867760134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344189532626037,0.0,0.079261339002539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168689329727727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337492866216588,0.0,0.17113360010459347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705851259250272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241140483225793,0.16525484224611958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591923684469387,0.16156441636901633,0.0,0.3461430553497088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516437968727394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971882385918198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381095625687818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30929506732581,0.1285419726284282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944171396592954,0.0,0.0,0.08846234511738249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620545690933221,0.0,0.0,0.08948150152527658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,My_Honest_Self,2018/12/10,"Could Really Use Some Kind Words Today Struggling today. I know I'm not a bad or evil person, but I could really just use some kind words today. I hope everyone else is having a better day. ",3.371491228070173,4.918563342105267,5.1868421052631595,80.43622807017546,73.47368421052632,8.224561403508767,17.929824561403507,8.841846274778883,1.0436561403508762,149,2,28,3,3,51,26,38,0.042,0.547,0.41200000000000003,0.951,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,14,9,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296957669286866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262342214111046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116753422227045,0.0,0.0,0.12587682959148336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630502756193071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865056344711036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193860669567335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065059295173693,0.10726742262396034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704261880781267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500783396253213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040475558325428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550317283928046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371507318150066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prettybutlame,2018/12/10,"Anyone else a magnet for bullying? So I’m 22 and all my life I’ve been bullied. The first time was in kindergarten, a kid used to bite me pull my hair ect. I was bullied all throughout school and went to 4 different schools bc of it. (The last one was fine I went to it for 2 years and I wasn’t bullied there thankfully). I got bullied in every single workplace I’ve been in. I even got bullied at beauty school to the point I had to drop out because they were excluding me and I couldn’t get my work done. I’ve been bullied out of friendship groups as an adult as well. Most recently I’m being bullied by a group of girls, adult females, online and in person. These girls used to be my friends and have now turned on me. It was so bad at a few points I had to go to the psych ward to stop from killing myself. I always seem to be the butt of my friends jokes too (they’re not actively being mean but it’s somehow always me that gets the piss taken out of them) 

Like although life is going pretty good for me right now (got married and have a baby on the way!) im still pretty lonely and confused as to why people always seem to bully me? Is it a bpd thing or am I just that easy to pick on? Anyone else experience this?",1.5674623583150051,3.286164910505839,3.0472035188631383,93.11760277448826,78.88326848249028,5.5590593808154285,22.068854677719507,6.280692351149826,0.2486868211808493,950,28,211,7,23,311,142,257,0.16399999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.9048,1,2,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,2,11,13,2,1,14,0,22,5,3,3,2,28,41,16,1,1,4,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,6,10,11,0,1,3,1,0,5,3,5,1,2,18,1,24,8,38,18,5,31,0,1,0,1,12,15,2,6,10,138,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827745550051442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841627243669631,0.23213786385323165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458421914134163,0.06905454670649387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267242199043093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118353678340479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592495486187575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926211030537135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482049096028197,0.0,0.09544343794678802,0.0,0.0,0.11080975345559582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635606380686043,0.0,0.0,0.1750399731606758,0.0,0.1183684378638246,0.0,0.12875947443264654,0.0950140410024182,0.2718015264645549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236203409787047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532773605388162,0.0,0.0,0.09233846654860056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002628339728592,0.055342974271364566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233953259702018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676158213464927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853421397015305,0.0989118843389032,0.0,0.0,0.21417277224265988,0.0,0.0,0.2304933373985475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185051218667184,0.0,0.0,0.0967406553379467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34393677172820303,0.0,0.20625204394792232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046569861131444,0.09470730338903473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429317068669136,0.0,0.0,0.07525831848487669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605458432250097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321630734386288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567540978370665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991653465574262,0.0,0.0,0.10185248682317737,0.21002372476931272,0.10221774344775372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246932068663015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294872231347793
bpd,supergirlofsteel,2018/12/10,"Lithium vs Lithium Orotate? Any of you guys been prescribed lithium? If so does it help? I don't have the opportunity to go see a psychiatrist but I'm wondering if lithium orotate can give me similar results?

Thanks!",2.391833333333332,5.338455850000003,4.415000000000003,75.28333333333333,90.5,6.666666666666668,36.66666666666666,7.793537801064563,3.7766666666666673,174,12,28,4,6,59,34,40,0.04,0.79,0.17,0.752,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,10,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655118247824643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416756920015088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37454454757522737,0.22189541121823889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38659587251017696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261702948861936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31112923432901657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594636604218653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42341430662525853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kernalmustache,2018/12/10,"Please assure me that I didn't just make a huge mistake So I matched with girl on Tinder recently who seems like she's really into me. Not to go into too much detail, but we've exchanged nudes. Mostly we send each other one view pics in Insta DMs, but today she asked me for a video and I sent her one. But Instagram only allows 15 second videos so I had to send it to her on another app. So now she has the video forever. I was fine with this a few hours ago, but just now I had a random intrusive thought which was basically ""what if after you told her you're trans she stopped being attracted to you and this has all been a huge joke for her?"" She has that video forever so she can literally do whatever she wants with it. I have no reason to think she'll do anything besides maybe watch it a couple times and then get bored of it, but I have no way of actually knowing that will happen. Like what if I was wrong about getting better and being able to socialize just like anyone else and this is just another situation where someone is taking advantage of my cluelessness to have some fun at my expense? What if my BPD is still bad and I just can't tell? Normally I don't have these kinds of moments anymore, but that could just be good luck. I'm like about to panic. Please assure me that she really is into me and all of this stuff I'm worrying about is just anxiety.",2.857742236024848,4.4902365071428605,4.413540372670808,85.10276397515528,75.0,8.012422360248449,23.60248447204969,8.716276077567194,1.5471211180124222,1082,32,224,22,23,362,156,280,0.11199999999999999,0.73,0.158,0.9333,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,2,19,20,0,1,7,0,30,1,1,3,4,52,46,21,0,7,17,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,21,15,0,1,5,5,2,4,6,5,0,3,10,2,35,15,29,30,7,27,0,0,2,1,25,10,0,8,16,167,56,0,0.13367981403657042,0.0,0.13045221495468773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184990893649858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803498815500974,0.10226469184023504,0.0,0.13257445468670148,0.0934720341848631,0.13697076703001654,0.11000709669375948,0.0,0.12497258067577133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161706091097368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822893214048695,0.0,0.0,0.16836504609532252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673245388273282,0.1479141716007657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167233120847657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968437080650947,0.0,0.07597331896950636,0.11212428561805683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821261806817365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131647689078089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392069551150698,0.07346692976533734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612368188401677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923231391017876,0.0,0.13429934098797006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827004471342037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097783484384706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116980330391988,0.10166952241793867,0.0,0.15684445884694553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29348058503482977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127742387819614,0.1374451131711822,0.13199268910818301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216970820362028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502617119417521,0.0,0.13626973571433987,0.11326647262579292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675687217086056,0.11176231032040647,0.0,0.0,0.15303140445657726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051058349737396,0.0,0.11684204964427518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565662708032233,0.0,0.10612684016490828,0.07794977458931167,0.0,0.12671283293628707,0.1277367910345189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884781784332201,0.10610881409906348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575834012672944,0.0,0.0,0.14615789124021206,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsame-throwaway,2018/12/10,"How do I tell someone with BPD I need distance? Friend was just diagnosed with BPD, which explains a lot of their past actions. But even before now I was trying to get them to realize that I absolutely need space. At rate it’s going I’m going to need to move out (we live together) because I can’t handle being their emotional sponge (they also call me their best friend when I honestly don’t think of ya that close). I also have mental illnesses of my own that get compounded by their neediness.

Tldr: How do I, a mentally ill person, tell my friend with BPD that they need to reach out to their other friends and give me space? 

Super tldr: I don’t wanna be the FP, help",3.7936567164179102,5.115678664179104,5.046447761194031,82.74892537313436,72.05970149253731,8.345074626865673,25.34029850746269,8.841846274778883,1.8202561194029847,527,16,104,10,10,175,84,134,0.042,0.7509999999999999,0.207,0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,8,2,8,7,0,0,3,0,10,3,0,2,0,21,22,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,23,7,17,18,3,13,0,0,0,0,21,6,0,1,3,73,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015658006603072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009851099349037,0.0,0.11180933579084593,0.0,0.13789325046116266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964705051142023,0.0,0.13417122802997464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336538787854127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147804159730067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678660860946483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40606859021470265,0.0,0.1372992232041722,0.12604816328266802,0.14935210887988512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807277063105434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602613122640397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170919708675747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648349368933758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965442458984526,0.0,0.3897174231214663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254334913226648,0.0,0.11473096317293527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133241762702124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296938814431015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419401750184677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921007083033403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,swagnerd1,2018/12/10,DBT Group Therapy Has anyone else benefited from DBT coping skills and learned it through group therapy?,11.174117647058821,12.549769941176475,9.08705882352941,60.191764705882385,55.470588235294116,13.858823529411767,46.41176470588235,13.023866798666859,6.888576470588236,87,5,12,3,1,26,14,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558706436674859,0.3749442133064767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056921946263666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8369583817381181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,x_Annabelle_x,2018/12/10,Bad weekend It seems like my BPD GAD MMD were all acting up terribly this weekend. Anyone else? Maybe it's the weather. It Snowed. ,1.100200000000001,3.6902173200000057,1.9515,92.20325,95.8,4.1000000000000005,22.25,5.985473137389443,0.5340000000000003,103,4,19,1,4,32,22,25,0.23199999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.6808,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27223953703045184,0.3989306376836737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250873617129863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903672269552888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252483377774845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021462204326434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911500453895175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544456645285887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VReign,2018/12/10,"I'm feeling self-destructive I was triggered after being left in the theatre. Will expand more later, but what do you guys do to try to counteract? I haven't felt this shitty in a long ass time. ",2.043461538461539,4.382476358974362,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,80.28205128205127,5.951282051282053,22.57051282051281,7.1686216300943375,0.978789743589744,154,5,29,2,4,51,34,39,0.25,0.682,0.068,-0.8939,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,0,4,9,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,5,5,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062353063722507,0.0,0.39162671888044187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038632176528293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431604990638533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609590796795797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42550557314741816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378368659964883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769222998449021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mdcn_,2018/12/10,"Cannabis? Hey. I am a daily weed smoker. What is your experience so far? I use cannabis for insomnia and usually when I feel wrong and it fix my mood, usually for all day.",0.2558823529411747,2.6757822352941183,2.6796470588235297,87.96241176470592,94.29411764705885,7.425882352941178,24.44705882352941,8.238735603445708,2.1343129411764705,132,6,28,4,5,45,28,34,0.107,0.893,0.0,-0.5362,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223015867851253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337072283885317,0.0,0.0,0.17423358059146365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976125982557113,0.7590279682251314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767518761942016,0.0,0.0
bpd,peacecrafting,2018/12/10,"Marsha Linehan's DBT Training Manual Hi all, I've been researching DBT in my spare time and stumbled across a [PDF copy](http://neoraihianstvo.org/forum/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Marsha-M.-Linehan-PhD-ABPP-DBT%D0%92%C2%AE-Skills-Training-Manual-Second-Edition.pdf) of Marsha Linehan's DBT training manual. This book is one of three mentioned in this [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/a352i9/my_deciding_which_dbt_skill_to_use_cheat_sheet/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=user&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=u_peacecrafting), and covers the following DBT skills:

* Willingness, Dialectics, Wise Mind, Turning the Mind, Effectively, Nonjudgmental Stance, One-Mindfully, Accumulate Positive Emotions, Build Mastery, DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST, Radical Acceptance, PLEASE, Cope Ahead, Half-Smile, Willing Hands, Mindfulness of Current Emotions, Check the Facts, Self-Soothe, Validation, STOP, Problem-Solving, Opposite Action, IMPROVE, ACCEPTS, Mindfulness of Current Thoughts, Loving Kindness, TIP.

It comes with useful [handouts and worksheets](https://www.guilford.com/companion-site/DBT-Skills-Training-Manual-Second-Edition/9781462516995) as well.",22.853125,23.267871395833332,15.40333333333334,27.375000000000032,32.95833333333333,17.933333333333334,60.80555555555557,15.903189008614273,10.14877222222222,987,53,79,30,6,264,110,144,0.023,0.6709999999999999,0.306,0.9879,2,0,0,0,0,0,114.0,0,0,0,3,1,8,0,0,4,0,3,2,1,2,2,17,10,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,7,10,7,1,12,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,28,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354760807492225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873314586329438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154050849177894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014011175209485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851822757979794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951130598282008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091503354893655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6763680523469601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156589836109652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470611136669378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819318800901786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397620985084191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200665842858593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063588673353114,0.07812019769437555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572315286820434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157088630033509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045699004694205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ogflowrx,2018/12/13,"""I'm not doing so well right now"" is the biggest lie I tell anyone. Truth is I can't remember the last time I was doing well for longer than 8 hours. I've ""not been doing so well"" for the last 5 years at least.

I keep telling others there'll be a light at the end of the tunnel, but really, I'm not sure there even is an end.",3.6960958904109593,2.5533593972602726,5.105582191780822,90.96330479452057,71.46575342465755,8.395890410958902,22.35958904109589,7.1686216300943375,0.3727013698630137,248,3,64,2,4,84,48,73,0.043,0.847,0.11,0.3449,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,10,0,0,0,2,8,13,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,2,1,4,5,6,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,8,41,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618571584404313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703456765893012,0.0,0.0,0.1380879231987019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589058358388654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582989174757344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408378350208303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339347807925016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368341135321651,0.17854355154645898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970448020970784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654705670393902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190965669671565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5639336843767233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346334063701125
bpd,clemthecat,2018/12/13,"The smallest of things being too overwhelming? Hey /r/BPD 

Just wondering if this is really a BPD ""thing"" or if I'm just really bad at handling stress. 

Even small tasks/jobs I get really overwhelmed about. For example at work I have to vaccuum and mop, which is something I do on a regular basis so it should be ""normal"" by now but every night I get so overwhelmed and stressed about having to get it done.

 Another thing is if anything changes in my routine, even minor I get really stressed out. If it's a major change I'm completely overcome with anxiety. 

Work is almost becoming too hard to handle lately. I'm not really asking for advice, just kinda seeing if anyone has anything similar going on out in this community. It would be nice to know I'm not alone. 

TL;DR everything is overwhelming, especially work.",3.618235294117646,6.201380627450984,5.278196078431375,75.38788235294119,76.05882352941177,9.047320261437909,27.19346405228757,9.558583805096642,3.1291981699346403,648,26,108,19,15,219,96,153,0.098,0.8440000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.7304,1,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,12,9,0,7,4,0,15,0,0,0,0,24,28,11,0,8,12,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,2,6,1,19,22,1,13,0,4,1,0,2,9,0,9,3,75,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634267271563288,0.0,0.0,0.11921997632071757,0.12330878933834374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484330876893622,0.09107949273229246,0.0,0.0,0.08324853187366986,0.0,0.19595014434645427,0.0,0.11130370657330274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994089465787756,0.0,0.13149085474090186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999002435008124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518963956506768,0.0,0.1248306626751542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183827016418415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727414692198793,0.0,0.10031199401211603,0.0,0.10700218053076868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488127897664251,0.0,0.0676637383677016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665310794114216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814727597887133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543148544445372,0.0,0.13430327130680855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172841810371203,0.11665213615847485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813598956444108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487427880821132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165711650103883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409143625455451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23729170351425716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291139582713389,0.2600282066802559,0.0,0.0,0.08457580383381309,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway19961106,2018/12/13,I found someone who cares about and loves me for what I am And I still feel empty. This is the worst.,-1.0642424242424229,1.0113113636363664,0.14272727272727434,107.1007575757576,94.45454545454544,2.9333333333333336,11.87878787878788,3.1291,-2.0320484848484845,78,1,20,0,3,24,19,22,0.214,0.5429999999999999,0.243,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719189667911181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340370882135428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075046252480439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41775130045208464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921817278912902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696424336490154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Royalisel,2018/12/13,"This is such a cruel illness to have, you're all strong people to keep fighting it. I have been practicing DBT and mindfulness as much I can.  BPD is such a merciless illness and nobody without the disorder will ever understand the inner turmoil.  I languish daily and feel so alone.  It doesn't matter how close people are to me, they will never be able to understand and I will always feel lonely for that.  I will never feel fully comfortable around others.",4.92213445378151,7.0805431294117644,5.6657142857142855,76.07000000000002,70.6470588235294,8.151260504201678,27.43697478991597,8.841846274778883,2.501168067226891,366,13,58,7,7,119,60,85,0.248,0.6920000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9408,0,3,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,2,1,4,0,13,2,0,1,4,20,19,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,3,7,2,8,13,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,50,12,0,0.21570288884296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340314025371227,0.0,0.0,0.17948208311549402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920213027383435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27167023746011565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472141982359274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511561218189996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327197585236906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172663855269492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177984277498221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856644239206358,0.0,0.3327267310739682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990824471942585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491086289129425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079298874690748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ar-dll,2018/12/13,Male BPD suffers. How have females you've pursued romantically reacted? I've had some extremely negative experiences personally. Wondering if any other men could share their experiences good or bad.,7.666290322580648,11.86713619354839,8.748629032258071,46.14294354838711,74.16129032258064,13.42258064516129,43.233870967741936,11.20814326018867,8.012412903225806,166,11,19,8,4,56,29,31,0.255,0.5539999999999999,0.19,-0.5709,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664694157089626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266002978282508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012433523558621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543621054029749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6232693933412289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26721178347448665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781738440147787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454889989283157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mintyfresh2807,2018/12/13,"Need some advice for best friend (F23) TW: Self harm I’m still wrapping my head around all of this but let’s call my best friend Emma. Emma has had her fair amount of issues however we have been best friends since primary school. When she was 10/11 she moved away to another location with her family. She got heavily bullied and got treatment for her Bulimia when she was a teenager when she was 15-17. She then met someone and was in this relationship for three years during which she had a child and found out they were cheating. Two years after this the whole family moved back down to their first location and had to go through a big custody battle for the child which has only just been resolved. In the last year things have been deteriorating in terms of the relationship with her family and personal relationships. She ended up getting herpes and her mental health has plummeted further. She has been seeing a counsellor and will be diagnosed with BPD. I had thought things where getting better but in the last two weeks I’ve found out she’s been in a ward for two stays (informal stays so she can come and go). Today I’ve been talking to her and she said that she deliberately cut her neck with a blade which is why she went in the first time and her mum took her in today because she’s been having bad thoughts and anxiety. 
I’m trying to provide some context here but my basic question is how can I be there for her? I’m calling her today and trying to catch up but I think she’s trying to close herself off.

TLDR: My best friend with BPD has been in an in patient ward for the past two weeks. How can I be there for her?",3.8582211538461517,5.682124187500001,4.365625000000001,85.6845673076923,72.75,7.5480769230769225,25.12019230769231,8.263242389622931,1.4780336538461536,1300,41,258,21,26,411,160,320,0.073,0.802,0.125,0.9657,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,2,8,14,15,3,0,14,0,35,4,2,2,1,42,56,23,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,4,9,23,0,0,8,0,0,8,0,5,0,7,27,2,40,10,42,24,10,54,0,0,1,0,51,21,0,3,23,185,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019749136675809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605716151687615,0.06278304135181907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305936935051074,0.0,0.0,0.07710711776841561,0.06310647864537698,0.06852471194740427,0.05002888393728666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445080482765709,0.07258391730309002,0.0,0.0,0.20672764882951933,0.0,0.1676045337566973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069571821814613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329894561921386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268933150746776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321038258991154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961676856229022,0.0,0.17997022373140334,0.2536271663287223,0.0,0.08575598743551407,0.0,0.0932841226168114,0.0,0.1312771586136444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422711617593442,0.08723617760200149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856593700458472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337954022214308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839217557743455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270688278745979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445405445056866,0.0,0.06085358981038614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062417650856048085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834474700460092,0.0,0.07166003424281342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193676670593952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26433620269753505,0.0,0.0,0.0780670106878298,0.0,0.0,0.08305884577347318,0.06539886851530577,0.0,0.08561652149700827,0.0,0.0,0.06788884497805575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953733010558004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495060905102355,0.06554091152560401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596445883910775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904682922033236,0.05258690427036897,0.0,0.13030823590649793,0.04785546050489604,0.0,0.23337723568776475,0.0,0.09118237726364928,0.16715967216808633,0.0,0.3206804083829361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166261162342938,0.0,0.0,0.07607936806261363,0.07405507482388718,0.09162780961305148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158550450450693
bpd,nebraskasurplus,2018/12/13,"Just a thought or two Sometimes this dance of ours Is like staring at a math problem and one day you can solve it 100 ways backwards and forwards and the next you have no idea ... How could a person have the energy and the solutions to save the world one day and the next not enough energy to get out of bed ?? ... It's embarrassing to have all of these plans that you lay out and ideas that you draft up and never get to see them come to fruition not because of lack of ability but because lack of stability ... I get mad at myself when I fail and I say ""how could you do that your so much better/smarter than that?"" But unfortunately not always ... Not when it matters..  All I really desire in this life is to feel whole ... I would trade all my ""intelligence"" just to have a fluid sense of self ..
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bpd,fatcatlady420,2018/12/13,"Havent been able to look at myself this week. Y'all are the best, btw. I love this sub. Anyways. When it's bad I can't stand to look in the mirror. Or use Snapchat. Does this happen to any of you? It's so weird and specific but I avoid any mirror or reflection when I'm this low as much as possible. Like if I don't look at myself I don't exist and no one can see me. I've barely left my apartment and I've just been a loaf. It goes away when I get less stressed out or depressed, this week has just been shit. I just come here to vent sometimes. I wish you all well. 🙂",-1.3512605042016794,0.6467434444444464,0.6926517273576103,103.29777310924368,94.71428571428572,3.9170868347338934,14.554621848739496,5.5289334501034215,-1.1552767507002801,438,9,112,3,17,143,82,126,0.16399999999999998,0.708,0.128,-0.6967,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,10,11,1,2,3,0,10,2,1,1,1,18,21,14,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,7,1,1,3,4,15,4,12,18,4,15,0,2,4,1,4,8,1,4,6,72,23,0,0.18532538119074307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25205522857563245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741192961671995,0.0,0.15473895224792664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448755389227892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596414060651149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596204792596458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217948996572445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682486264913423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388262254050373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135656891848933,0.0,0.0,0.09054062010320936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668799344308196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726339211061272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362354789868559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558127455341078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089265216423581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476803346510335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023384059500895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329154075537168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228959800489355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006162637642402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973136842730923,0.0,0.16662977437401574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311504228290093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ProphecyofCasandra,2018/12/13,"Does this sound familiar to anyone? Hey all,

I was recently diagnosed with BPD and wanted to know if anyone else is familiar with these symptoms:

1. Disorientation— feeling lost and not knowing how other people acclimate and navigate new environments/socialize/plan/make decisions/use their time etc. An inability to know why you are where you are and why you are doing what you’re doing unless it is accompanied by or in service to someone else.

2. A slowed perception of time— as if you’ve fallen into a waking coma and intermittently are violently shaken “awake” by changes in your environment. Not knowing how much time to devote to any given activity, and being unable to decide “what comes next.” Everyone else seeming to have endless amounts of time for skills, hobbies, travel, and developing deep knowledge.

3. Intense inability to decide what action to take at any given time, as if you have no “internal guidance system” like other people (which to you looks like they got a primer on life, or were predestined to be who they are and do what they do). Alternating between catatonic immobility/indecision, stereotypic routines, and panicked/impulsive actions made out of fatal desperation.

4. Sheer terror at being alone, but accompanied by an incapacity to relate to others (due to shame, depression, severe social phobia, etc. ) which leads to experiencing lengthy periods of isolation and induced cabin fever/psychosis.

5. Feeling “retarded” or childlike, not just feeling but *knowing* something, or many somethings, are factually missing in your mind. A total lack of life skills and individual abilities not for lack of trying, practicing, reading. Awareness of your own incompetence, inability to be self-reliant, and even trust your own judgment/memory/perception. The perception of all of this by others reinforcing the previously stated shame, humiliation, and depression; and ultimately leading to being discarded/abandoned for not being able to truly be a self-sufficient adult.

6. Being unable to “wear the mask” other people do effortlessly, thus even when you believe you’re hiding your emotions and thoughts, other people are able to “read your mind” like an open book.

7. Being incapable of handling change, processing loss, updating oneself to new environments, or functioning at all without set structures, definite instructions, and hand-holding. 

This disorder is seriously a private hell, as it’s impossible for others to understand that it’s not just a delusional “fear of abandonment”,  (it’s knowing without the perception of others you’d lose any grip on reality, and without their help you’d die) or garden variety *depression* (but an emptiness of mind and soul that leaves you watching the world but unable to be a part of it, like a living death).

Has anyone experienced these things as a part of their BPD, or gotten help through an IOP or inpatient program? Outpatient therapy has been a joke to me, as every therapist has considered me “resistant” when I’ve refused deep breathing exercises and tried to outline the extent of my illness. 
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bpd,Masonovitch,2018/12/13,"The hardest part of recovery is admitting that you were wrong. Before I was diagnosed I blamed every ruined relationship or bad interaction on the other person. In my eyes I had the moral high ground and did absolutely nothing wrong. My therapist recently challenged me to use self-inquiry to review some of the situations in my life objectively that I previously looked at through the rose colored glasses of intense emotion.

​

**It fucking sucks.** 

​

The realization that I was actually at fault in a good majority of these experiences is a hard pill to swallow. I want to see myself as the good guy, but the truth is, I haven't been the good guy for a very long time. I've been a shitty person to the people who care about me. My mental illness definitely played a part, but the fact is that I did and said horrible things to people I love and then made them feel like they were at fault. I've been gas-lighting people since before I even knew what that term meant, and I feel awful about it. 

​

**Here it is world:** 

​

I have been a shitty person for a while, and I admit that the majority of my problems are self-inflicted. I feel genuine remorse for the people I've hurt, and am working everyday to become a better person. It's tough, but I am already noticing progress, so I'm trying to stay positive. I'm doing everything I can to put love and positivity into the universe. 

​

**OUR MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT DEFINE US.**

​

BPD is a horrible, horrible burden that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but it doesn't excuse our actions. At the end of the day, we're still responsible for the choices we make, and the emotions we act on. 

​

**I can be better.** 

**I have to be better.** 

**I WILL BE BETTER.**

​

​

​

​

​

​

​",2.7350160901045832,5.7169005486725695,4.018312550281578,79.97594831053904,84.81120943952803,6.2676588897827825,26.878586752480558,7.604176662624187,2.097241297935104,1462,65,243,27,44,477,174,339,0.213,0.636,0.151,-0.9741,0,1,0,0,0,0,116.0,5,1,2,7,6,27,2,0,27,1,32,10,1,3,2,34,54,17,0,4,6,0,4,1,0,2,5,1,0,6,17,11,1,0,7,1,0,3,4,13,0,0,15,9,37,14,35,34,7,28,1,2,4,3,23,14,2,2,11,172,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.032124903646847565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03632773601388395,0.0,0.0,0.4993591280084456,0.5600149811558183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0274865959796453,0.0,0.036357250767337465,0.056024523995664786,0.0,0.0,0.11645928908457648,0.0,0.0,0.041461242227186314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03356385443111102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02123049975579378,0.0,0.0,0.03341282872554282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028808273883944024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406052128729458,0.029157105960690613,0.0,0.0,0.02174316841322927,0.0,0.02773628879709222,0.0,0.02958612686695802,0.032201808626094515,0.0,0.0,0.04993560746472807,0.02351785868449543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030433756034627574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283451238914183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519140833481538,0.0,0.0,0.029489608217793693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0347814977191187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03524124732382546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023252175879849568,0.016082915183089026,0.0,0.0,0.029132921403823942,0.02764427862167497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059422675600945926,0.031149440511409467,0.02197417259297167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663506815952665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031587364748706215,0.03747932600628842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129771006084014,0.0,0.09128957154050653,0.11497693915920927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03149973167822826,0.0,0.03309341691166786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03250425775569642,0.035343465638680925,0.0,0.0,0.03131419777090085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02623275932609373,0.0,0.06868490705592896,0.0,0.0,0.02723153735938143,0.03700315107425233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03508804758690065,0.026289735542773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0382223389338109,0.021870403044825897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019195756843568564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022350332906182054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959837683056198,0.0284320734510638,0.0,0.027162221412163727,0.019416907193647352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03785606002443132,0.0,0.0,0.0239659524496557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198510465995754,0.5600149811558183,0.0
bpd,ramruby,2018/12/13,"I let someone know about my BPD... I let a guy know about my BPD and his reaction has been so caring that I can barely believe it. I wasn't expecting anything. He believes me, tries to understand, and wants to be there for me. I've never felt so touched. It's too good to be true?",0.6502259887005657,2.616895745762712,2.645,93.613488700565,83.0677966101695,5.967231638418079,23.39265536723164,7.1686216300943375,0.7959129943502821,215,8,49,3,6,72,43,59,0.0,0.83,0.17,0.8695,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,2,10,14,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,9,3,6,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667959343325326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567226193599816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105598823426147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665513921910794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461340971060265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000607727239894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069416629386566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278535769133048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145268617597436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632639984561053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717378941720684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761265613281864,0.0,0.0,0.21100659652725887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955133661848827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,delightfuldork,2018/12/13,"The quiet horror of wondering if you'll ever know who you actually are After everyone was  so nice after my first post yesterday, I wanted to make another one just talking about another thing nobody else in my life seems to really understand the stress it causes me deep down. 

I feel like my whole sense of identity is something so slippery to grasp? Like I feel like I flit between what I guess my ""brand"" is. I feel like everyone else knows what they're into, but my interests and tastes are all over the shop and change far too often tbh, and nothing ever feels like it fits. I find every time I do one of those personality tests its never the same, I have a lot of politically minded friends so I end up doing that political alignment test semi regularly and I always find I'm somewhere totally different. It just scares me that I'm twenty-two and I don't know who the hell I am a lot of the time, or who I might be next week, next month, next year.",4.11015873015873,5.464728984126985,5.595634920634922,78.98964285714288,71.32804232804233,8.997883597883598,26.198412698412696,9.424239791934726,2.2263269841269846,754,24,147,17,14,255,121,189,0.07400000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.102,0.324,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,10,11,1,2,8,0,13,2,0,2,5,39,28,11,0,2,5,0,4,5,1,2,1,1,0,1,13,6,1,0,13,1,1,0,2,3,0,3,1,6,23,8,17,24,6,25,1,0,0,0,8,8,1,9,21,100,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.1080117201649493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209804212913013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321238697616891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370306523709375,0.11708910696542978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156413318773394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849247342078045,0.0,0.0980332643006988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024021962366415,0.09325613227978437,0.21152681129686365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386083681535515,0.31629098708382464,0.0,0.0,0.20232653362734104,0.09414784322146603,0.0,0.0,0.08551426500595387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193102036049094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248726850551156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781794567221045,0.2703733143123206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819933604277936,0.0,0.0,0.07388249960404986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741834420511416,0.11175939361955076,0.0,0.08834699667133859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853664052812989,0.0,0.3531414042469315,0.0,0.0,0.10620438397237783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000482823230685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664509125388136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600477673538933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090707193025066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081409816381324,0.0,0.0,0.10076265224282316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521003161169419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267882683842558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889636910082528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353360120674479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290815835175524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081222876146229,0.11522605685260574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528435289096451,0.0,0.08878411271724154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357485054278645,0.0,0.0,0.12003219047030632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127693473803556
bpd,chloejaz,2018/12/13,"DAE feel nothing when they should be happy? Things are going pretty great right now. A life-long dream came true which is allowing me to own my own home, where I'd been homeless just months before this. Today I received a new bed as part of a Christmas holiday cheer campaign by the local radio station and the police association, after not sleeping in a real bed in a very long time. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to be offered a great new job tomorrow when I meet with someone I interviewed with earlier in the week. 

And yet I feel hollow. I'm reacting to these things with just... nothing. I feel blank. I want to be happy - my dreams have literally come true, and while I absolutely feel grateful, I just don't feel excited or happy.

I used to be able to feel happy. And I still do, but fleetingly over doggo memes, not over what's important.",4.355040160642574,5.615181271084342,5.585722891566267,79.65440763052213,70.6265060240964,8.424899598393575,27.68875502008032,8.841846274778883,2.151728514056225,665,23,126,12,12,222,103,166,0.027999999999999997,0.765,0.207,0.9723,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,0,0,9,0,11,1,1,3,3,32,26,11,0,2,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,10,0,0,6,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,6,14,11,18,19,3,28,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,15,80,20,2,0.12222252058997025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040023629080614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979000310392156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528387916668107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37079627271678506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892375014074476,0.0,0.0,0.2695015208676881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5204325835462351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259915356694025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212869924412356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632938084205104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632616920739794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975568498640508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360865440050513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345516097313709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235507930125426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24868848645861955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391159863464405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437736477132784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231078823262967,0.0,0.10355874506881113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760706282441636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519327921192993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239842356105058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712689346434859,0.0,0.1158526584150695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556101544084548,0.0,0.10084637966457556,0.07209000932027987,0.0,0.0980395336684812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,btstrash127,2018/12/13,"I don't know whether to stop talking to FP or if I will regret it in the future - give me your opinions pls Okay so basically I have an old best friend of 11 years that i met in primary (elementary) school that i just told know- like literally before typing this- that she may be my fp (havent read her reply yet wish me luck rip)

​

but basically when i think about it, which i think about it a lot because i have obsessive thoughts regarding FP, I want to be sisters for life and in a way I liked it when she was in her mentally weak stage like last year because she relied on me a lot then and i always felt wanted and desperately needed. However, now she has a lot of friends and I feel she doesnt need me as much but like she still wants to be close.

​

But, its unhealthy to just be constantly thinking of and obsessing over one person. To add, we went to the same primary school but we go to different secondary schools (high schools) now. So, it takes quite a lot of effort and maintenence to remain her close friend. She has never said the following explicitly but i feel like it is needed because this is probably how much she talks to her other irl friends: i feel like i need to have a good text conversation with her everyday and call her at least once a week (as im typing this its been exactly one week since I have called her to the day) I feel really burdened talking to her and i feel a sense of obligation. However, idk if just ""spending more time apart"" would rlly work cuz like i would just be obsessing over her even more, wondering about what she did on that day and stressing over if we are still close friends or not. We don't really see eachother irl (probs like twice a year on birthdays) because my parents wont let me.

​

Also, i feel like and even she feels like that i dont like understand her boy problems and boy struggles cuz my love life is nonexistent, and i feel stressed and dread when i feel like i have to call her, and i sort of feel like we have nothing to talk about.

​

Basically, I feel like i want to be close ass friends with her but its too much effort and time spent. so i would just have to go to the other extreme and completely cut her off because like i wouldnt be able to bear like still being in her life but like loosing my spot of significance.

​

i would really appreciate you guys' opinions on this and what you think would be best for me short AND long term. because i really dont want to have any regrets in the future about this and thats one of the main reasons why im thinking so much about this.

​

i feel like i need to make a final decision-contact or no contact- quickly so i can stop dwelling on this",4.5431435125162105,5.4601385940959455,5.036257105814304,85.04595741497958,69.88560885608854,8.590086765732522,29.22429440510621,8.841846274778883,2.094844459958113,2146,79,446,37,37,685,227,542,0.10400000000000001,0.703,0.193,0.9943,4,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,5,3,0,6,31,44,1,8,18,1,43,6,1,5,3,114,90,48,0,23,20,2,13,18,6,9,4,1,0,4,27,31,0,2,24,1,2,4,11,14,0,4,10,15,76,30,57,61,16,61,0,2,1,2,58,23,1,16,50,304,103,8,0.04346397688640522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034758126612955915,0.036165510596082584,0.2825592047841739,0.3168809357179427,0.029556994726030773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897142135142645,0.0,0.03698464305716875,0.0,0.09122552445600728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314473989488307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557115282863058,0.04696911815353263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606133881327404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541060501037735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187891441611613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741509362988375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637203119217961,0.2484053901772889,0.04173223387271748,0.04761266217665082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201480964352282,0.0,0.0,0.041694607109926826,0.04940315938456898,0.036455521677900636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303617051425289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592207791840856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389710698639588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047773330031147886,0.03542894222213888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444486114087847,0.09209967677211754,0.38221746581562416,0.0,0.0,0.0384642518128795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478060754491987,0.039227936086935374,0.0,0.029012542074987206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043801465865032176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278040961631394,0.1611399406560904,0.033522098443977584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417048580524448,0.0,0.04560813231440152,0.04628771687326985,0.08835694678437374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048261602717474365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379510681334679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046861518336169,0.0415891559419947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622928950535729,0.04347573885582274,0.0,0.11137654620866544,0.04468820715435275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413441951695288,0.0,0.0,0.17595146016009086,0.03463516227840745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035953850824778505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413116425857294,0.07267566173017721,0.09957567734785623,0.04543798568280191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03267950145991272,0.1397387929404389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924980695170908,0.0,0.03450554267447523,0.050688388901012266,0.0,0.0,0.0415316925227699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524753277822026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128180898402062,0.034499681770831125,0.06972836110320722,0.0,0.0,0.040291542020648566,0.03921947875083884,0.0,0.04998142840669873,0.0,0.04713482888418344,0.03164229282676933,0.0,0.0,0.15437781068841933,0.0,0.3168809357179427,0.08396812827716055
bpd,Uberwomensch,2018/12/13,"To those who have recovered / are in remission: what are your bad days like now? I know that part of life is having ups and downs, but I am curious to hear how people who have recovered deal with their downs. How do you handle having just “bad days” and not “extremely debilitating depression days?”",7.7755757575757585,7.6014377090909075,7.650909090909089,72.86303030303033,62.81818181818181,12.424242424242426,31.06060606060606,11.855464076750405,3.687787878787878,234,7,44,7,3,75,42,55,0.109,0.746,0.146,0.3326,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,9,11,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,8,11,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761520330121272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5516659262611496,0.2939619136913596,0.2455865656505012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32136814011539405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670287177166353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139945348898006,0.1393026762364531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087736802669036,0.0,0.1976768745482681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TCLLovesLight,2018/12/13,"BPD trying to keep a hold of memories and events Does anyone else feel an almost obsessive and neurotic desire to try and remember (or at least try document/save) ALL their thoughts, thought processes, ideas, etc?

Any personal insight and/or literature (articles, studies, etc) would be greatly appreciated.

Apologies if this has been asked already or if I have broken any posting rules. Reddit newbie. First time poster on this sub.",6.477857142857142,9.741934722222227,6.121428571428575,69.49500000000002,69.83333333333333,9.669841269841275,35.285714285714285,9.957137785484203,4.549354761904762,348,18,49,10,7,108,63,72,0.08900000000000001,0.83,0.08199999999999999,0.1153,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,19,10,7,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,1,5,5,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,5,3,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516840929235992,0.0,0.2040613287630281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515008140245201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929878614892004,0.18947008128486464,0.0,0.0,0.1728731285693146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328974252018313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182276390359476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544750469762907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41246433069195787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349996751744497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729093857190066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038724655650255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874962469859645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436338731466796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146304144144233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710008275593214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094757563798753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936080664298894,0.10782702358918064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766410295473783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136025978062854,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ghjhv,2018/12/13,"What type of jobs worked out for you? I find that I’m really good at starting things, giving my all to a job from the start, but I tend to lose interest or end up hating my job after 2 years or less. 

Now I’m beginning to think I need to only work short term contracts although financially not really good for the future.

I’m curious what type of jobs has worked for you? One that you’ve been able to stick to and less likely to trigger your BPD.",4.045806451612904,4.418810731182795,5.1732795698924745,85.57991935483875,70.72043010752688,8.780645161290323,24.10215053763441,8.841846274778883,1.3732666666666655,350,8,77,6,6,116,63,93,0.08,0.767,0.153,0.7503,4,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,4,1,6,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,13,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,8,4,17,12,4,13,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,10,46,13,9,0.16344980811954427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058593114947806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476801552058718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939016347832007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679594965616073,0.0,0.2741878884541055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137284639975566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6487948553580523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985332007849832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285852644404585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119596165564354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075782009608556,0.12431094440535108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094202649058325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23138123091711785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858878970030192,0.1047320372290161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569802209665427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525631751652544
bpd,evansmama,2018/12/13,"Being in a relationship So I have bipolar 2 and BPD, I’m 21 F. Boyfriend is 27 and without any of these issues. 

I’m convinced everything he does is against me and that anything he does without me he’s cheating on me. 

I feel like it is impossible for me to even begin to fix this problem in my head. If anyone have experienced this please fill me in on anything that has helped. I know he loves me, but you know how it is. ",1.7324999999999982,3.558884522727276,3.5840909090909108,88.9586363636364,78.77272727272728,6.218181818181819,26.90909090909091,7.1686216300943375,1.2317000000000005,330,14,72,4,8,111,58,88,0.024,0.863,0.113,0.687,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,8,3,1,1,0,12,15,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,11,3,12,14,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,2,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444949723223502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485255204790617,0.0,0.3495989241127912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675292810289407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717716298814995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029811699824593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090492286211105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740341617986543,0.15174933232168786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179990916674248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237731000595594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170609312792772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334754790896044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377524899531287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917128482695715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331679042984628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032524863173364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280542367634953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409520997361346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wmolyx_,2018/12/13,"my fp has no idea I’m basically in love with him because we are just good friends and he lives far away I really didn’t meant to fall for this guy.. actually we started talking in a group chat with other people and we slowly made a friend group with another girl and everything was fine. We all would talk for hours in our chat...
Until our friend started getting busy so he started calling me to talk just the two of us alone and that’s when I started thinking crazy thoughts. He was just so nice to be and told me I was so pretty and listened to me... and now a few months later he’s been calling me so I could help him with learning Spanish for his classes. And i love it.. I really get so happy every time we arrange to talk so I can give him “lessons” and he tells me how he wants to do well and I’m more than happy to help him. I’m just... I really feel like I love him so much and he has no idea. To him I’m just a online friend who helps him with language lessons and occasionally flirts with. But those moments that he flirts with me and gives me attention I feel so special? They mean so much to me. I really love him so much. He lives in brazil btw and he talks about coming here to states sometimes and I just feel like I would to do anything to meet him. I’ve rehearsed it a million times what it would be like for us to meet and have this perfect relationship and i feel so stupid because I feel as if he’s the love of my life and he has no idea and I know he doesn’t feel the same way because I know it’s my bpd that makes me feel like this... ",0.9739293806646536,2.850877574018132,2.489983950151061,95.63397894637464,81.41691842900302,5.466805135951662,21.219882930513595,6.4784943948869325,0.10248104229607292,1211,36,284,11,32,394,147,331,0.042,0.718,0.24,0.9973,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,9,0,1,3,23,24,1,0,8,0,20,6,0,3,2,71,56,36,0,6,8,0,7,4,4,3,1,1,0,2,14,32,0,0,20,2,0,2,5,1,1,2,9,8,49,23,35,41,7,23,0,0,0,5,67,6,0,1,17,181,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.07729543248438835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203544131736558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305633349686231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518130886661894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441837931291133,0.0,0.0,0.14485310445509794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997595100835372,0.0,0.1617601348442393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823054636742908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324102036789074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673602702909648,0.0,0.07118690523898005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803490704544521,0.16975830447072987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447831434264948,0.0,0.08276566140750558,0.15196676805341544,0.0,0.06643578379915699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842822124698255,0.0,0.16863645129638172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927404998710662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800377376800928,0.0,0.0,0.2682480530474816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706112213555595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594684456002734,0.15478781176778306,0.0,0.13988395953598592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574408705195721,0.07494837968836655,0.05287185271377503,0.0,0.0,0.08628056560371096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632229475280956,0.0,0.1746806432306818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491274768562923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058285580215621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297029924828175,0.0,0.0,0.0850395846185532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833858569978952,0.0,0.22425488622507814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183213340824965,0.06923114922006993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050753189875903805,0.0,0.06288218265667223,0.0923734647362524,0.0,0.0,0.07568649187451977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737455685004205,0.0,0.1905545738873167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046718840172754315,0.06287150186787957,0.0,0.0,0.07121736663972514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880094507878626,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,walkerlocker,2018/12/13,You know you have BPD when... It occurs to you that you awkwardly avoid a former coworker on Facebook because one time you delivered pizza to her house and she sent it back cause the order was wrong and that was 4 years ago. I don't even think she remembers that happened!,3.0654716981132104,5.371109509433963,3.6836226415094337,87.53260377358494,76.54716981132076,7.258867924528303,23.807547169811322,8.238735603445708,1.4793954716981137,216,7,42,4,5,68,42,53,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.784,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,0,9,0,3,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,6,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26317685819756825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282916337788377,0.0,0.1809826169252071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739251001767481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049898824675146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960943761049585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26254062870194245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34257352426656795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316408725733172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118171324903653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363207777890413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023641548304546,0.0,0.0,0.1731201217119678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246048119315478,0.0,0.19118872391934666
bpd,Iizziee,2018/12/13,"I want to be better I want to be better. I know that when I look at myself in the mirror, in the eyes, I am beautiful and have great potentials, for what I don’t know but I’m willing to accept it. Today, I want to live and learn and have fun. Like someone on here has said, “I can always count on my emotion to change.” And I want it to be better.

I love you guys for always supporting me. You're my family.",-0.0025883838383826685,1.8195191704545444,2.705151515151517,93.08328282828285,84.56818181818181,5.729292929292932,16.5959595959596,6.937597516519254,-0.15174646464646455,309,6,72,4,9,108,53,88,0.0,0.612,0.38799999999999996,0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,2,9,0,0,2,0,10,2,1,0,0,13,21,6,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,15,9,13,16,0,7,0,0,2,1,4,5,0,0,3,51,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122751857787934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978763864489958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985059713812178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107796556711364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768971823898927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068818202134714,0.0,0.1858003374076774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625210683966216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167499656304093,0.0,0.16569601137491075,0.0,0.15757647906360722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935902227512414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784955613047225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158992955660364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293994210768824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786770755365144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44271697760719386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buzzdracula,2018/12/13,"Cleaned my house finally I just cleaned my house today for the first time in around 3-4 months. I would pick up trash and everything and it really wasn’t even that dirty, but I’m really proud of myself :D I’m also diagnosed with major depression so it’s just incredibly hard to do anything really ",3.6293220338983048,5.609837355932207,5.212000000000003,78.71223728813561,73.74576271186443,10.143728813559322,25.359322033898305,10.355215969177356,2.9308413559322037,240,8,46,8,5,81,47,59,0.13699999999999998,0.71,0.153,0.4766,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,9,5,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,5,1,7,3,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822654293331828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755656631546655,0.2028947704456852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963048869970272,0.23133132136268386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053726581965654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483742571922006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496723258407235,0.0,0.19386638879888035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041691857796828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259720621226821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819214611811095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43802908824211606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329004446661783,0.0,0.2160390062815244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190595228543392,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,010100932,2018/12/13,"Partner going back to his hometown to spend Christmas My Partner is going back to his hometown to spend Christmas with his family which I think is great but also it’s going to be super fucking lonely and distressing for me. I have no plans, working 40+ hours on Christmas Week and to be honest, hate the fact that he is leaving me for a few days. I came back home today from work (he’s at work right now) and turned on my computer to log in to my Facebook and it was signed into his instead. I checked his messages (I know it’s rude but I can’t help it) and he was having a conversation with his ex-girlfriend (he was in a relationship with her for 2+ years and known her for almost 4 years) They talked about going back to his hometown and how he has been. She mentioned “the kids really miss you and want to see you” - this shocked me because he never told me he had kids, but that could also mean his cousins?? And when she asked him how he’s been and he told her how he met me, but I have BPD, I’m going through the “wow this guy is cool” stage and is winding down and that I idealise him a lot. He also mentioned how he really wanted to talk to her about how he has been after they broke up and all. 


It sucks that I was just described as “She has BPD” and nothing else, I fear that he might cheat on me because he has done that with another girl with the ex-girlfriend and I just feel like I’m not good enough. He doesn’t love me and nothing good comes from being around me. I always hurt the people around me and make them feel like shit. I really really love my partner and I’m so terrified. 

I’m not sure whether this was just a vent or whether I want to problem solve this. I should talk to him about it when he comes back home from work, but there is also nothing wrong with talking to your ex- right? But I’m also sure that they’re spending Christmas together... I’m having all these scenarios and thoughts, I’m just breaking down and having panic attacks. I feel so vulnerable and heart broken. I feel so empty and so much hate in me. I hate this, I hate myself so much. ",3.1140340909090902,4.2643822820512876,3.996479458041957,90.28779611013987,73.4988344988345,6.6678613053613045,24.82816142191142,6.9077264865688965,0.7887161421911422,1625,49,353,14,32,522,183,429,0.201,0.6859999999999999,0.114,-0.9936,0,2,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,3,3,6,34,33,10,3,10,1,33,5,2,6,6,80,75,49,0,6,15,2,4,2,3,2,0,0,2,7,20,34,0,0,9,0,4,8,6,20,0,0,15,6,58,13,47,54,7,41,0,4,1,3,66,15,3,4,18,239,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641429839510623,0.0,0.0,0.3051288166354953,0.06349674465532243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001858533538461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586567992430898,0.07134034839676194,0.08681461437422887,0.0,0.2933916862753171,0.0,0.09303677806721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222170145368267,0.0,0.0,0.08727928889644845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147008944690042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092800840041941,0.0,0.0,0.04921418855963234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809249942496127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374792751827871,0.0,0.0,0.07884951259128041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719390827833097,0.08587092777218436,0.15434024507992727,0.10903298039432052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054815596873876,0.0,0.0,0.21684608795126234,0.12801184958295414,0.0,0.08413298725072893,0.0,0.07555974421614918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013646832698291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042873082556886,0.051149557671750105,0.0,0.1530920195298121,0.0,0.07515082071342924,0.0,0.08169234878223143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193845031253099,0.0,0.0,0.08080217723121562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456325847375453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487676018266758,0.13774705237189436,0.0,0.050938088404503465,0.0,0.0,0.08312489259842679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095375805480558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219451801206094,0.0,0.05885563593946296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196669710170826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953434647614655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290433855774484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301918241312677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554675154978704,0.0,0.0,0.08192929993643927,0.0,0.13033810675795227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080987158870396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833199623865776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143844155834134,0.0,0.0,0.24534309919968705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048896914710079405,0.0,0.06058229501761304,0.0,0.0,0.07233376792840739,0.1458365847326008,0.0,0.0,0.0830042972357537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503035861587714,0.0,0.06121196503560568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222084575218976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343394067427032,0.0,0.09828337758862353
bpd,SavageMochin,2018/12/13,"Anyone else dependent on marijuanna? As most bpders , i started drinking at very young age , but other then smoking marijuana , never did any other drugs because of my fear of it making my mental state worse.

I dont know what is it about weed that I feel like prevented me from being suicidal at parts of my life.

I started taking anti-anxiety \[cipralex\] on minnimum dosage when i was 21 , but i havent stopped smoking weed . 

At this time of my life i smoke a gram a day , and i treat it just like medicine . 

My excsuse to myself is that if i didnt have weed , i'd probably be addicted to harder prespcribed pills . but i dont know if smoking weed is just like putting a constant bandaid on my mood.

I wonder if its common for bpd to be depdent on weed specficlly , if you think i should aim to get clean or aim to get recognized legally as marijuana consumer for mental health \[which is not easy\]

​",8.731136363636363,6.774622568181822,8.61159090909091,72.50613636363636,61.95454545454545,11.754545454545456,40.18181818181819,10.411451182825502,4.082604545454545,716,32,135,13,8,233,108,176,0.08199999999999999,0.799,0.12,0.4402,0,0,3,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,15,8,0,2,1,24,26,13,1,5,11,0,1,3,0,1,7,0,1,0,11,1,1,2,5,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,1,21,4,22,19,2,21,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,8,15,89,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055033146863246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595712508878676,0.17895395527338426,0.10015132845213197,0.0,0.1126641598837906,0.0,0.0,0.10297736212336836,0.15089955407271635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977682599243428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548637003433613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915080754670305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497950669540978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34520791828166003,0.14427239200442527,0.17079101233633207,0.0,0.12302847787898352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572412546021592,0.07446612841730481,0.10521253112641196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388910876881498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565453098381619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187581016103236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804787641047648,0.2158518218437668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830649758259584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29683498171553024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135867405596128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948332370845222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878621484199604,0.0,0.0,0.14805098557691604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848250344012664,0.0,0.0,0.12312760711772908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109378524555565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073167332134796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943671931614504,0.0,0.0,0.08587661791379299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151642307783014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971230407120712,0.0,0.0,0.15008472534640074,0.0,0.0,0.17895395527338426,0.0
bpd,CuratoroftheArts,2018/12/13,"I dont know what to do any more I'm struggling alot right now. I feel as though nothing I do is helping my mental health. 

I'm in DBT,6 months in, weekly meetings

My individual therapy is useless because I get a visit every 2-3 months 

I'm on medication (Venlafaxine) for the past year and seen no improvement 

I've been dieting and exercising the past 2 months

And I feel as though I'm just getting worse
I hate this so much
I want to stop my medication 
It's useless
My downs are still life or death
I hate this I cant hold down a job because of this
I failed and dropped of of school
I just feel so lost and dont know what to do
I'm sorry",0.734440993788823,2.7144339347826083,3.0470393374741214,90.77347826086958,82.84057971014492,6.2616977225672885,22.900621118012424,7.447530270364453,0.8378968944099388,505,18,116,8,14,173,79,138,0.268,0.6990000000000001,0.033,-0.9848,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,2,1,5,0,10,6,0,0,0,17,27,12,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,5,1,2,5,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,4,15,0,14,24,3,18,0,4,1,0,3,6,0,2,10,67,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629438975876248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172638841781355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319135786272995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930600784911526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479506576098825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796266857803633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796058233869813,0.0,0.15051657639935478,0.0,0.0,0.09491300728084603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140518389392043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556417932450308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001786101683406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457558957433978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28529875100831265,0.1427017687389544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390767090799036,0.0,0.1040939510492682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587118356790012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27035075176736273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209275528351401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330904275221673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851213233014574,0.0,0.0,0.1130837444750742,0.11838582645985847,0.0,0.14803342301033642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193452037810455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782469949313329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835206793164662,0.0,0.11358478836480912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443047961790214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118721018585878
bpd,lea_1992,2018/12/13,"paranoia/intrusive thoughts about relationship turning abusive does this happen to anyone else?

i feel like i can’t relax in my relationship because i keep having thoughts that my partner will turn out to be abusive. my life has been going pretty well otherwise but i don’t know how to get these thoughts to stop. i can’t pin point any real toxic behaviour in my partner either but i think that just makes me obsess over how they’re pretending they’re not toxic even more. am i splitting on them? ",4.637872340425531,6.889426989361702,4.935053191489363,80.60875000000001,71.65957446808511,7.253191489361702,29.835106382978722,8.07648339933343,2.270025531914893,403,17,69,6,8,127,67,94,0.11800000000000001,0.784,0.09699999999999999,-0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,3,0,18,22,4,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,4,1,13,3,10,16,2,8,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,46,17,0,0.0,0.4036452836771399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583566146079848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910426992238887,0.17453138096422854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383644614015357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906390636461314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229551753213812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250662339148426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612799625285092,0.12168948056258498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899455943996007,0.0,0.09680699439521977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062930526127438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140421523785413,0.0,0.0,0.09361329417346667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031474645411447,0.08321852855814983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113701918380614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102444075250866,0.0,0.0,0.1732949541771289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388190279749007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657584674312306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241017103816414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914569391139066,0.0,0.4056879662641944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37055759747377937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315429275362968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TAYbayybay,2018/12/13,"Just had a panic attack because my SO faced the other way in bed Something stressful happened earlier tonight. I called a hotline, worked out, took a walk, called my best friend, and warned my SO ahead of time to give me some space - tried to do everything to not take it out on him.

Came home, I was a little quiet, but was polite to him,we ate dinner, watched a show, and I slowly started feeling “normal” again. 

Then right before going to sleep, he turned the other way (which he does most of the time, and I just cuddle him for behind). I asked hints to please cuddle me. He said he wanted to lay on his left side. I asked to lay on the other side of the bed then, so he could hug me. He said “Why? I’m comfy...” And. That. Fucking. Did. It.

I felt a shitshow starting. To avoid it, I went to the couch. He came out after me. I said “No, I’m comfy.” He said I was being mean. OH NO, YOU DID NOT.

I cried hysterically. 

After he did some breathing exercises with me and hugged me, I was extremely embarrassed and massaged him to sleep. 


What the fuck. ",0.5138862559241701,2.819668483412322,2.241884360189573,94.02195450236972,86.91469194312796,4.513440758293839,17.91867298578199,5.927762680638738,-0.3343059336492895,794,20,171,6,25,260,116,211,0.11699999999999999,0.7909999999999999,0.092,-0.6775,0,1,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,0,3,6,11,3,4,13,0,11,13,4,0,0,27,37,12,0,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,9,12,2,1,3,2,0,6,4,7,0,0,18,8,26,4,27,17,4,32,0,0,1,6,24,13,2,3,11,109,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683431799495504,0.13801820628946526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395511297461456,0.0,0.10323377997252206,0.0,0.12731710976650856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477611182486516,0.2775138952476596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686358100913987,0.0,0.1332635430536898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616732799919404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903395489657386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06134267812439743,0.0,0.11648554354623933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373098230006864,0.22431545688522206,0.0,0.11638051744270213,0.06894854815782091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728224724533868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169313936968193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318137632673501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159380003068546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215227248472378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886714541144099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234204679719878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317214862484306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036060105522826,0.4616097054850288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428138101407372,0.0,0.0,0.09339751635856214,0.0,0.0,0.1717408353960339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897083649088973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121700750523888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141484506931167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347901948058696,0.08236783411949948,0.13196054951546404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155726035730277,0.1925952104794845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246419702587968,0.10947178897313503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832188782937735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tell_tale_signs,2018/12/13,"When you feel them start distancing themselves.. When it's been a few days of them responding less and less and you reach the conclusion ""yes this is happening, they are in fact phasing out of my life at this very moment""


So you go through the mental gymnastics of figuring out ""how did I ruin everything this time?"" while simultaneously mourning the loss of said friend and/or partner. And after spending a day emotionally preparing yourself and coming to some kind of peace with the idea, they hit you with one of these:


""So when are we hanging out again?""


Excuse me WHAT. 
",5.766826923076921,7.760673567307691,5.478076923076923,78.94192307692309,68.13461538461539,9.046153846153846,30.30769230769231,9.516144504307137,2.8571576923076925,457,18,81,10,8,141,77,104,0.09,0.815,0.095,0.1539,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,4,4,2,7,5,0,0,6,1,5,1,0,1,1,18,12,11,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,6,11,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,3,2,12,2,16,8,4,19,0,3,0,0,14,5,0,1,11,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713734059720104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35507762545165145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096633892382533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24741225583641424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919453245734853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21268781632859665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564532429604472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434374028470945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107680909637404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28667142446605154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444496109301448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27742684744757856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865431419731799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618631477193681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948511706507778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052339410666813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271424882118253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meowmeowisatubbycat,2018/12/13,"Validation Hangover I’m not really sure what the percentage of people here have had DBT and are aware of Marsha Linehan’s concept of Validation.

My question is to those who skill practice G.I.V.E skills. Does anyone get just so sick of validating everyone else but hardly gets any validation on the receiving end? ",7.53918181818182,9.629240327272733,7.794318181818182,63.67147727272729,63.90909090909091,11.31818181818182,37.38636363636364,11.20814326018867,5.04490909090909,258,13,38,8,4,84,49,55,0.075,0.892,0.033,-0.3353,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616236865842604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325441359187652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910385775826721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778236934006377,0.0,0.29456268985127004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31778961435043235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475133668998124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29792182842167364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230565593380522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37256005435058975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305602732136333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134479519861814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ikuri,2018/12/13,"What do you guys do that helps best to ignore intrusive thoughts? Like, the suicide thoughts and splitting on innocent people sort of thing.

Lately I've had a bit of family drama and have been feeling really disconnected from a lot of things. Lack of interest I suppose.

What's something that always snaps you guys back into it?",5.372500000000002,7.702931250000002,5.6099999999999985,76.215,69.83333333333334,8.8,30.33333333333333,9.3871,3.1007333333333333,265,11,43,6,5,84,48,60,0.129,0.64,0.23,0.7399,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,8,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,3,3,8,4,4,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454746383860605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797843615008394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245367673893499,0.0,0.2552584072544741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041391542732086,0.0,0.11822064033172393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463014495793161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567169588854093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263746255804058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422705927960874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877568880289784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620934261801641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978375971239738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999726335571264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557486316257195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106640551953019,0.0,0.0,0.37123578265869095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BootsandBeaches,2018/12/13,"Can self management work? TLDR; Got diagnosised years ago, but never received treatment. Worried I've let it go too far, but hoping to continue self help.

6 years ago my therapist at the time diagnosed me with BPD. I stopped seeing him, never followed up and have not been evaluated or sought help since. I sort of thought as long as I knew my issues and maintained a desire to work on them that I could work it out, but now I'm concerned that everything is getting out of hand.

I dont have any friends or hobbies, I'm straining relationships with family and acquaintances with coworkers, I just feel like I can't control it anymore. I've cycled through several self diagnoses of my behavior, trying to say things like depression because of the isolating, the lows and self esteem problems or ADHD for the inability to stay focused, plan or hold a conversation.

I'm still afraid of going and getting diagnosed, my life has changed a lot since then and my new career field requires you to disclose BPD as it is a ""disorder that affects your ability to work"". I feel I'm at a pretty low point in my life and can't see that helping. I've considered seeing a therapist, but omitting the behaviors/thoughts that lead to a the BPD diagnosis in hopes of getting a subjectively ""lighter"" diagnosis. I think being treated for depression or ADHD could really help with symptom management and then maybe I could continue help myself through the rest. I've also considered that maybe I dont BPD anymore/the one therapist I saw could have been wrong and I'm focusing all my energy in the wrong place.

Anyway, what do you guys think? Can/does self management work? What methods or treatments (professional or otherwise) have improved your life the most? Does anyone else have a job that requires disclosure and if so how did you handle it? 

Sorry for the long winded post, but thanks so much for reading this far! Any advice appreciated :)",6.74603919167177,7.8223588225352145,7.049283527250463,72.01376607470912,65.0,10.680955296999386,36.27985303123087,10.662846686107436,4.185442131047154,1542,74,261,40,23,500,186,355,0.11599999999999999,0.711,0.17300000000000001,0.9776,2,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,5,1,10,9,16,0,2,19,0,23,8,1,4,3,59,48,32,0,9,15,0,3,2,1,0,7,1,0,6,16,16,0,5,6,1,0,5,7,9,0,1,7,8,28,7,35,35,5,39,0,4,4,0,23,15,0,13,19,164,44,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675401521270414,0.06779386123757454,0.1229960689543445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055480319733454304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435672618494756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880279358099567,0.04850962494105597,0.07108436865056324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042291238263357636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495088262705345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339108211278238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781158469546284,0.22156579139596289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950766457116495,0.2112469005315796,0.0,0.0,0.07951141894549202,0.0,0.0607117964344014,0.0,0.16261735877895367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057955119415747526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235107729346591,0.0,0.06540194004221703,0.0,0.07015763243203588,0.04956254771730286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360007098456359,0.0,0.1087389907105789,0.0,0.07885646741033027,0.0,0.05548668245753531,0.0,0.0,0.06869359004360782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232507850712398,0.0,0.0,0.1378129317735577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241098627423269,0.06884541885062588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094211762511378,0.14700790901544888,0.06778765549099022,0.0,0.0,0.12279194518448028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898137445511795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939593201262376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099967122316888,0.0,0.10701478595310544,0.06700420498471589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701127607609745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248362126416345,0.0,0.06558316702111072,0.0,0.06644345896353182,0.07058078805056996,0.0,0.06638389044380466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939522141766208,0.0,0.04444432853985677,0.0,0.0,0.07448434084548798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517093535292288,0.0,0.0,0.16585213857669756,0.0,0.3618738241741233,0.07837563807675094,0.0,0.11477782802391345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766125266870351,0.0,0.07394606184870303,0.05540412032380213,0.058001816302258175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210869237242959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387251153061456,0.0,0.2416542070460063,0.046090628787579385,0.08890725209134741,0.0,0.1101542992505622,0.0404539642529756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710205363596938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525343990309287,0.07045514970973453,0.0,0.0,0.1517045081572966,0.0,0.08935231475718854
bpd,eggg_sarnie,2018/12/13,"its a blessing. i dont feel like im the only one. but how do i live normal? wheres the first place to build confidence? because i know my brain is going to be like this forever so i need to know how to live with this? ive got to do something now guys im 21 and i want to get on with shit studies and everything fucked because i turned into this pussy in my head. im my own worst enemy and its so fucking true 

​

i have no self confidence at all, infact i dont really like myself. and i think this is a big hurdle that affects my personality. because i feel like a looser and like to be alone a lot. but my friends love to be with me and it makes me uncomftable i dont know why. its like i dont want to exists. i cant take compliments well, if im out in public people are laughing some strange fucking reason my daft brain is convinced they laughing at me, my mind in a tub just fucked. and i want to be able to live get a girlfriend, go finally finish some studies and get a job. at the minute im just a mentally ill 21yearold male on uk sick welfare",1.3334210526315786,2.9053860263157887,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,79.08771929824562,6.314385964912281,23.68070175438596,7.1686216300943375,0.7762554385964915,826,28,188,10,20,280,118,228,0.23600000000000002,0.608,0.156,-0.9708,1,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,9,21,5,0,11,0,17,11,4,5,2,40,41,15,0,6,5,0,2,6,2,0,2,0,0,4,9,13,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,6,1,2,1,2,27,15,24,36,6,19,1,0,0,5,9,13,5,4,10,116,36,1,0.08720677026419214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903199138078694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448849914664842,0.1059657711276621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948131318722197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470319325072255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088227410699944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837582198844835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818872663168033,0.12460106820295094,0.0,0.09553075419116787,0.0,0.0741780342371226,0.0,0.0,0.06737573438036798,0.32248501551228353,0.13668581440899966,0.0,0.09912323444389956,0.0,0.06974722067034891,0.0,0.0,0.08634841319044001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949930544489147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709913832111913,0.0,0.08653926326181176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377968084939027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25562893780182755,0.0,0.23101552753613205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414007753499999,0.07870751494306535,0.0,0.05821119632301724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788391317503848,0.0,0.08805397811110906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466271515792475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544411910839389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909356445997025,0.06632467847348883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060458194144796064,0.0761455880727569,0.09111251391118344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586689008821615,0.08966308409866698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909756804754434,0.0,0.08951649648123075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713603228668978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556863822220399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055878577130244536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485592399296544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431043765398386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784093595795868,0.0,0.07869054601801863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059657711276621,0.0
bpd,gotoucanario,2018/12/13,"Gaming themed peer mental health support discord I've found a discord server that is a video gamed themed mental health support server. If you like to play some games, or are just in need of some support and companionship, come check it out. Its already been extremely helpful to me so I am here to spread the word! :)

Gamers Anonymous is a video game themed peer mental health support server. We are a 18+ supporting server, welcoming of any mental illness and any gaming style.

⟣ Aesthetic earnable roles with fun server currency. ⟣ A diverse, non judgmental, welcoming community. ⟣ Assignable gaming roles to look for others to play with. ⟣ Assignable mental health roles for better specified support. ⟣ Huge supply of mental health resources and skill sheets. ⟣ Supporting channels for one on one peer support. ⟣ Frequent quests, events, games and prompts to participate in. ⟣ Channels with role access for privacy and comfort. ⟣ Big selection of emojis and gif commands. ⟣ Cool place to hang out and talk about games and life!

https://discord.gg/5Uqgcfw",5.84667280540209,9.031801331491712,5.281942909760591,75.10374923265809,71.59668508287292,7.779128299570289,31.0500306936771,8.680891452615391,3.0883883364027005,855,38,125,17,18,260,104,181,0.04,0.691,0.27,0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,1,0,2,4,17,0,0,6,1,6,7,0,0,0,23,18,11,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,15,0,0,1,14,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,17,24,16,2,12,0,0,1,0,19,8,0,4,3,61,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750593137653846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784901336563577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013152811739075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683071255205453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694478938914127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214436661499948,0.0,0.0,0.05315093753877381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056009636992508535,0.03874038480703028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658929549305458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794748168377139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879753261332416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074670550126706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284822242757628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7198800639051767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637357209656471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Snuggleaporcupine,2018/12/13,DAE get frustrated or anxious when their SO doesn’t go to bed with them or falls asleep on the couch? I know it’s just the bpd talking but my bpd brain keeps telling me it’s because he doesn’t care enough to come to bed with me. ,0.6202000000000005,2.52552862,1.2899999999999991,103.625,82.8,4.800000000000002,20.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.5273999999999996,181,5,46,1,5,55,38,50,0.07400000000000001,0.84,0.086,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,9,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,6,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28989686750371424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642740265022978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6463839809604273,0.28646222744756555,0.0,0.0,0.2616315464534276,0.0,0.0,0.2210472572848066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651472828515259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340684152884458,0.0,0.14583768276487338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808723738471004,0.0,0.0,0.14102644115267507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625383081430484,0.22428892143646872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EternityOnDemand,2018/12/13,"I believe my mother has BPD... what do I do now? So today she flew off the handle with me yet again and the vitriol was higher than normal. In a nutshell it was over me being upset with her about making suicidal comments.. like there is a hair-trigger with her for these comments and it could be about the smallest thing that she takes offence to. 

​

Then she got angry at me again about something and I explained to her that she was being irrational and unfair.. she then made these comments again saying that she wishes she were dead and gone. I ended up telling her that I thought she needs serious help. She said that shes already seeing a counselor.. 

​

Then I said that she should call the suicide hotline and she started talking about how they couldn't fix all of her problems and fix how I apparently treat her so horribly with the way I talk to her, or the way I look at her, or the tone of my voice, or my general demeanor, or the way I breath, etc. etc. In truth she was angry that I was upset with her and didn't talk to her for two days.   


So after she said all of these reasons why she believed nobody could help her unless all of these circumstances just miraculously changed I ended up telling her that I believe she has BPD as she displays the vast majority of the symptoms.. That really set her off. She went from saying that she thought of killing herself everyday to now saying, ""you don't know what you've just done by saying that.. you've just pushed me right off of the edge of a cliff by saying that"".. I basically took her meaning to be that she's definitely going to commit suicide now because her son ""falsely"" believes that she has BDP...   


I just don't know what to do at this point. I thought of trying to get a hold of her counselor some how but I'm not sure if that would do anything at all. I really hope that her counselor sees these symptoms but the trouble is that my mother can be very duplicitous.. to everyone else she is so nice and sweet one moment.. then if they leave the room she just changes completely and there's just a dark cloud over her head.   


..Really need help at this point as I am at a complete and utter loss....

​",6.0448951048951045,6.062929265734269,6.0105585081585104,82.53368391608393,66.36596736596736,8.635561771561774,31.612214452214452,8.109356740369918,2.1263664522144525,1721,62,341,19,25,542,190,429,0.087,0.8420000000000001,0.071,-0.3777,1,0,1,0,0,3,63.0,0,1,2,1,27,14,1,2,20,0,33,4,2,6,7,66,62,33,5,13,16,3,0,1,0,2,2,9,1,0,30,16,0,1,8,0,0,6,5,7,0,2,20,13,71,7,54,32,8,49,0,1,3,0,69,20,0,8,20,262,101,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002368636576554,0.0,0.0,0.2357145725574392,0.2643462079793473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059674845047602426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420534410516674,0.0,0.0,0.3268047467596589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266381604707452,0.0,0.07404738528235366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342554024278973,0.0,0.15206419933344945,0.0,0.0,0.11579694107796175,0.0,0.0,0.04676709974981076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420948749147653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057817414745403,0.0,0.1284560701410052,0.0,0.16174998191200074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929255876175949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788684291275892,0.0,0.04121275966293687,0.0,0.05799801547581196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442278061230266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581870812895342,0.0,0.0,0.07202517969863194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022868822426654,0.0,0.07970626953412363,0.0,0.0,0.07678443134331707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03542786591399051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089553946833584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861680169117698,0.04840528171243893,0.0,0.0,0.07899165378156088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754003151359064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105070703516192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049139011320163926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710293596140505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938843222877755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393676504144622,0.07455897008057086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192863702877819,0.20693919986561335,0.28833988812204586,0.0,0.0,0.11557241574413747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582669247784618,0.0,0.0,0.051327504078023806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23796362138878946,0.0,0.06834587932066602,0.15074467857606727,0.05452333236779397,0.17485788441827965,0.1267651163811131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817669543962631,0.0,0.0,0.17270984143494364,0.0,0.0,0.0687370987715979,0.0,0.08056842459886701,0.04923389748183594,0.0,0.0708380173847324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983365124800906,0.0,0.1726805059815474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722345932656176,0.06543480101269973,0.0,0.08339031844100883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051513592964092574,0.0,0.2643462079793473,0.0
bpd,melancholicwanderer,2018/12/13,It hurts so much. The pain is just too much It hurts so badly. I just want it to stop. I just want someone to care. I need somebody. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to die I just want the pain to go away. I want to be happy,-3.515000000000001,-2.1124891666666645,-0.35740740740740584,108.31166666666668,107.33333333333331,2.4000000000000004,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-2.118466666666667,171,3,49,0,9,59,28,54,0.33899999999999997,0.44799999999999995,0.213,-0.9136,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,11,13,2,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,6,12,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716941986065924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731802215072248,0.0,0.15758164411559458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242278556528666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587191525062667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725959288322624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009065655720556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040786787920311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774764912615846,0.13994088351683892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016439952369781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991029358659306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778670811350345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565891392081991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darknessj26,2018/12/13,DAE ever just completely blow up at family members and say a lot of things they don't mean? Today I just lost it and said a lot that I regret to my mother. Told her I didn't trust her and that I was sick of it all and I threatened self harm. I never harmed myself but I hurt my mother by even suggesting that I would and by telling her that I didn't trust her I feel I hurt her. Lately I have been having weekly/daily outbursts over the simplest of things and despite knowing logically that it is all irrational I find it very hard to stop and control my emotion. I have dealt with emotional problems for all my life but lately I have found it a lot harder to control and deal with. Personally I think that winter is making things harder as the cold season has always made it harder but it is no excuse for how I have acted. I just want to stop exploding on the people who I love most and who love me most.,3.7711312217194575,4.624109502673797,4.9750802139037456,85.01429452900042,71.62032085561499,7.465076100370219,24.010283833813247,7.61054688173877,1.035829617441383,715,18,147,8,13,237,102,187,0.212,0.698,0.091,-0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,3,6,11,0,0,6,0,15,4,0,5,5,45,28,14,0,4,6,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,18,11,0,4,7,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,9,5,31,4,18,18,8,14,0,4,0,2,21,4,0,5,9,116,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850203470408146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672039255689833,0.0,0.2925061104517457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443517319034332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933616219055364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612700856271784,0.11795294859958667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292814220799872,0.0,0.06593342193683233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918190694222527,0.0,0.0,0.14297527305091878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168114826328522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27918867686029064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166362962300632,0.0,0.29419047502016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210434804373553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423454146737287,0.33258053730340914,0.2353795543058193,0.12338625533607712,0.08704204075069427,0.0,0.0,0.14204224217235578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005713960282389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040193177380076,0.11385897900527715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247737959994558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403887640901835,0.10369815608580693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360341203661976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21803804346243408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397407509536216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598929955165704,0.08355412179938954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360257270901158,0.12460139699819245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759245532608272,0.0769124398223061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926313844144613,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thelumberjack5150,2018/12/13,"BPD Cheating I know this is a taboo topic, and many will say cheating isnt a symptom of bpd, but from what I've experienced with my exwbpd and what I've read are identicle!! Always other guys lurking, sectetive with her phone, signs of sex weekly!!! Can i ask why one loving commited partner is not enough? How can you have multiple affairs, casual sex and look at your partner knowing you're living a ouble life? How? Why?",3.7190476190476174,5.814991345679015,4.656190476190479,82.29,73.81481481481481,7.097707231040566,27.62081128747796,7.957251820313856,1.913570017636684,333,13,60,5,7,108,60,81,0.076,0.807,0.11699999999999999,0.7452,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,0,8,5,0,2,1,14,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,3,4,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,6,2,6,12,1,2,0,0,1,3,11,1,0,0,1,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713239415318918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901314279710625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362273352990915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199609290038589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078369398717212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23398547913780315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036274412180936,0.0,0.0,0.18797607067801275,0.0,0.1787647579435826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921316227046387,0.0,0.0,0.21582590888178368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442523301530763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293662343439665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928993734399655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126280686737354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075870544915073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384180400280521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spectralsnakes,2018/12/13,"Has anyone here successfully stopped obsessing over a crush? There's this person I've had feelings for for months on end. We work in the same building and get along well, but don't see each other or talk much. Despite this distance, I think about them day and night.

There's not much I can do—they're engaged to someone with whom my friendship has faded away.

Has anyone been in and dealt with a similar situation? I just want to focus on my career. I'm exhausted by all these feelings.",3.233498817966904,5.63639459574468,3.672695035460993,87.33388888888891,76.44680851063829,6.305437352245864,26.401891252955078,7.3871296695380915,1.3959919621749406,388,15,74,5,9,121,72,94,0.081,0.7829999999999999,0.136,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,2,6,5,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,19,14,5,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,3,7,3,15,12,5,12,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,6,53,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514350470156303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610827776295096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620702196713586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258065624388432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541335959844789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129591072300648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058836800502866,0.0,0.3694745501717312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358316776615673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942886414612287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002566644907004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28247610240545273,0.0,0.0,0.21292897110709452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010130529708784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198854814991515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610253859760775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482255458142959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259523781539918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295222546935327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hotmessindistress,2018/12/13,"I can’t feel anything anymore. It used to be with my BPD that I felt everything so very acutely. The pain was all consuming. Bad things happening would cause me to break down. And now... nothing. And it’s scaring the fuck out of me. 

A few weeks ago my husband and I got into a huge argument which lasted for a few days. It reached its peak with him grabbing me by my arms, shaking me, pinning me to the bed and screaming in my face. He left fingerprint bruises on my arms. He has never laid hands on me before. I felt nothing. Not fear, not upset. Nothing. And continue to feel nothing. In the past an event like this would’ve devastated me. I thought maybe I was in shock and the emotion would come later. It hasn’t. 

On Monday I found out my husband may have testicular cancer. He is awaiting an urgent scan to confirm if it is cancer. Again, I feel nothing. In the past when I’d think about someone I love suffering something like this, the mere thought would massively upset me. Now.. nothing. I literally just said ‘oh ok.’ And went into planning mode. I don’t feel upset, scared, worried. Nothing.  I’m more freaked out and scared at my lack of feeling. What the fuck is going on?",1.2908105687416018,3.876910064935069,2.636898044484252,90.3448051948052,86.87878787878788,5.090968801313629,25.71443499029705,6.647476241863616,1.1322457381698756,919,41,180,11,29,296,135,231,0.222,0.698,0.08,-0.9889,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,1,7,19,2,8,13,0,15,10,4,2,2,40,37,11,0,5,4,2,9,2,0,4,3,2,1,0,12,16,0,0,11,0,0,4,6,16,0,0,10,12,27,3,27,22,5,37,0,1,1,3,8,17,2,2,17,117,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482567983006918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490130520971787,0.0,0.0,0.07874682255522514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989928971728616,0.0,0.0,0.08142731965277783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052142823366395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983026178623135,0.0,0.08243066641445768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171378413271347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764124905333487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600230177305379,0.0,0.0,0.10768073303468496,0.2419251654507997,0.0,0.18375972655058967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492195178753247,0.0,0.1769324577256942,0.0,0.0,0.054384286538148634,0.0,0.07653408114567803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462061392927525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800220753307288,0.0,0.0,0.1039702453892804,0.0,0.0,0.09350110145787158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636627062027266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613603750950814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380400079055423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6427371386882537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182362964530024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826987508842849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102553702227807,0.0,0.2874148359019032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107999474024445,0.0736688070642037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357388417272145,0.061315927936455364,0.0,0.1519384058299006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264764671521982,0.0,0.07895638294325992,0.0,0.0,0.07675879877546425,0.0,0.0,0.08870796093252424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097180438732167,0.0,0.2719089935526173,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TaraJo,2018/12/13,"How can I tell the difference between legitimate relationship problems and BPD issues? So, my boyfriend and I have been together since April, 2011.  Then we were a great fit and we seemed to bring out the best in each other.  Then, a couple of years ago, we moved back to my home town and lots of things have gone really great for me.  I had previously had a life that was kinda a wreck with job instability, relationship instability and little to no income, but I've started to change most of that.  I've held my current job for over a year (which is a big achievement for me) and I make plenty of money there, too.    


But, then, there's my boyfriend.  


I know instability is part of BPD.  And I was diagnosed with BPD before the two of us ever got together.  I've sensed somem relationship problems with us for a while and I'm starting to wonder.... are these problems legitimate or is it just BPD wanting to make a stable relationship and make it unstable?  More specifically, these are the issues we're having:  


1)  Job.  This is the big one.  He's been working temp jobs for a while.  He currently doesn't have a job because his last temp job ended less than a week ago.  But even when he has a temp job and he knows it's going to end, he doesn't put too much effort into finding a new, permenant job.  Some of that is understandable because the 9-5 hours he works makes it difficult to go to interviews, but he's not even trying.  And it's frustrating for me.  


2)  Planning ahead in general.  This goes right along with the job.  He's not thinking about when the job ends so he has no plans when it does end..  He wasn't planning on getting a job that paid less so now he's struggling to keep up with his car payment.  He wasn't worried about the tag on his car and the late fees resulted in him having to pay $1000 to update the tag.  Stuff like that.  He's not thinking ahead or he procrastinates horribly and things crash around him because of it.  


3)  Sex.  I don't want to get too into details here; I can say I can understand some of the issues he has with sex, but I honestly can't remember the last time we've done anything.  And I've lost a lot of weight and I've gotten myself looking a lot better, but if I ever want to get close to him, to cuddle, to kiss, he just kinda shrugs me off.  It's frustrating for me because I want to be close to someone and if he won't do it...... what are my options?  Cheat?  Do I really want to do that?  


4)  Responsibilities in general.  He's worried about some grass roots activism stuff, which I can't criticize itself, but he's often so focused on it that he doesn't take care of the rest of his responsibilities.  I feel like I've gotten a lot more responsible and together over the past year or so (a good stable job will do that) but he hasn't.  He's not even trying I don't feel like.  And..... I dunno.  A big part of me worries that if I tie myself to him, will he drag me down or am I able to pull him up?  


So, those seem to be the cores of our relationship problems from my perspective.  But it's an 8 year relationship; it's hard to give that up.  Especially since he has the car, not me (I'm lucky to be able to walk to and from work).  I'm forcing myself to question, would stability be better for my life or would it be better for me to drop a relationship with someone who isn't doing their fair share?  Does anyone have any input or suggestions or can you relate with any of this?",3.6276065188665374,4.541222303597125,5.086380854500074,83.85842754367934,72.0071942446043,8.263397445309057,25.838349728380564,8.603709575120403,1.5744238731463809,2651,81,571,45,49,892,276,695,0.11,0.797,0.09300000000000001,-0.7976,15,0,0,0,0,0,96.0,6,1,1,15,30,25,3,1,38,0,57,8,0,7,2,116,100,53,0,14,26,0,4,3,0,5,3,1,1,0,39,38,1,2,14,0,4,11,19,10,0,2,17,6,55,15,89,73,18,77,0,1,1,4,56,27,0,28,41,374,94,19,0.09553762471960724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468833990351099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496886093408025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03340106428218388,0.0,0.03930966240552518,0.042524370576561936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03673126811187211,0.0,0.11647769856179915,0.0,0.04064774097891639,0.0,0.05013042147009232,0.1267428979226556,0.0,0.0,0.2406525877624862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870348782527543,0.0,0.050533069558189786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285528229879068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048484339019599934,0.0,0.049908241842553665,0.0,0.0,0.08360561920882006,0.048884080021489563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923595686441606,0.0,0.0,0.0946525501357537,0.08641925119112366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048306693642666786,0.06825209818900746,0.0,0.0,0.04365982909185784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487169861892523,0.04582419755686919,0.05429623379357845,0.040066213431451565,0.03820508300819112,0.1053305685308108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042791473123425634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791601362777413,0.0,0.04704265787991471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495746881296748,0.5688381050212851,0.04245911526974197,0.0,0.0,0.05250498002116021,0.07787591538339095,0.05388530100487096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748104972268706,0.07001228646926162,0.04787689930180816,0.0,0.0,0.0401137714994166,0.0,0.05214530154881065,0.1624453441576387,0.0,0.0,0.1275442127243037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050770687770711184,0.0351155734344506,0.0,0.0,0.046135416643408984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03236938352158373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345793749777032,0.045600736551216214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283320843722894,0.0,0.04802085025610772,0.05351200224926336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120384877607511,0.0,0.0,0.35900079246818795,0.054112752430211006,0.04079430475091588,0.0,0.037987676888253316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697386540248574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902971042663201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094871939361274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762202250599382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993833439958663,0.10936772312749693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035916201992523426,0.0,0.041752047498101325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347095269488606,0.06121665228011509,0.0,0.0,0.027854378633614587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648637759302222,0.0,0.04666318859561803,0.09945803664841002,0.11491999930021772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408764158853199,0.0,0.038317259904690926,0.05816954446126496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180323932309711,0.10432879296523924,0.1455346431141365,0.0,0.06786718749244493,0.0,0.0,0.12304619599072147
bpd,audiblesadness,2018/12/13,So many good things happened today I’m waiting for something to fuck it all up. Who wants to take bets?,2.21142857142857,4.340778000000004,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,78.52380952380952,4.2,24.785714285714285,3.1291,0.08631428571428579,82,3,17,0,2,25,20,21,0.142,0.7290000000000001,0.129,-0.0828,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708702252175093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364778485944944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35474854698111985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067179575476577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30883612219714074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30162586731100904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665159467534497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38025715107744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236617285613448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,biggestcrybaby,2018/12/13,"Really scared to lose my FP. Am I overreacting? I posted this on [/r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) but didn't get any responses. I deleted that post so I will try here. I figured this is more of a BPD issue than anything else because it directly involves my FP. I'm curious if other people with BPD can relate or can give me some insight. Here goes

​

I've been friends with this girl since January. Through all the failed friendships and hard times, she's been the only person to stick around. This is a big deal for me. She's been my FP for a very long time. I've lost all my other friends and now I might lose her too and I'm terrified

​

She's from a foreign culture. Relationships work a little different for her sometimes. In January she says she might have a relative come to visit, and if that's the case she said she'll have to delete all her apps (which means we won't be able to talk) she's mentioned the relative before but hasn't gone into detail about who they are. She said she has to delete all her apps and photos off her phone because this relative doesn't give her privacy. She won't talk to them about it or have her parents speak to them. I find it a little off. She said she can't because it's ""complicated""

​

She started getting a little distant in September where she would go days without talking to me. I thought it was odd since we talk every day. Around that time she said her relative might be visiting, but they ended up not coming. I don't know if she is telling the truth or not. I find it odd that she won't talk about this relative and who they are, and allegedly can't have her own social media or privacy even though she's an adult. It's not her parents, so I don't know who it is

​

I'm scared of losing her. She's the only person I talk to and the only friend I have. Without her I \*literally\* have no one. No friends. No one to talk to. Nothing. She's all I have left. I asked her outright if she doesn't want to talk anymore and she said she still does, but her reaction to this is odd. I vented about it a little and she just shrugged it off, which is not like her. I've had so many people walk out on me and I'm scared this is going to be it for her. I don't know what to do. Am I overreacting?",2.654368355222012,4.548617893162394,3.7125620179278727,88.7760694183865,76.26495726495726,6.788075880758807,24.23514696685429,7.678348718463194,1.0812832395247032,1826,60,385,26,41,589,192,468,0.121,0.823,0.055999999999999994,-0.98,3,0,0,0,0,0,79.0,2,0,5,6,18,14,0,3,17,0,48,0,0,0,6,61,75,27,0,6,19,2,1,1,4,9,0,7,0,4,31,21,0,0,9,0,0,8,21,8,0,2,14,8,75,6,45,49,8,39,0,5,0,0,89,19,0,12,11,267,106,2,0.05995825947833543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598589963779209,0.29142339209886226,0.040773672501594166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946248213757613,0.0,0.0,0.049340538775872016,0.10675112564983492,0.056052878842165546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964999539664713,0.0,0.05102006268158465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103065774917404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329746294693257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733623428095764,0.061814332763824996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264361968985009,0.0,0.0,0.05246987692107178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008743211833562,0.0,0.05310522134353703,0.0,0.0,0.03960186490562775,0.0,0.05051741958902429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960152585548397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529441016027426,0.0,0.06265143178306283,0.11503485189484253,0.06815132120033984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053710823490214096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258084525052103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885447409602972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514482435871095,0.0,0.0,0.029292576972445358,0.2403757103889405,0.0,0.053061172861934264,0.0,0.2012338668823528,0.06545152299977522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060788264290084784,0.0,0.06531212193798487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081871454401086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753156705266335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125853670894365,0.13680287446776876,0.0,0.0,0.13315310313814194,0.0,0.0,0.08313501534670881,0.10470647895720678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484687717299538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841079634080104,0.0,0.0,0.12874546385504093,0.0,0.0,0.2851701753358095,0.047681214485492826,0.1800860326222493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991961836640728,0.0,0.0,0.06111989481650086,0.0,0.0,0.05930025175279877,0.0,0.042438764662233716,0.0,0.04788274347063985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855374223214659,0.05240616155132804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890868551275349,0.047600160623223496,0.10488642982010267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070772242227102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494718434065378,0.035364934905258875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559524504327255,0.0,0.04365032699965207,0.0,0.0,0.04259262724690421,0.0,0.29142339209886226,0.0
bpd,rat-conspiracy,2019/04/22,"my new psychiatrist took me off of my godsend medication along with borderline, i also have manic depressive disorder, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. i wake up almost every morning and have a panic attack just thinking about the day ahead of me. i’ve been on almost every medication for my anxiety and depression, and none of them worked until i was put on clonazepam as needed for anxiety. it helped so much, but when i switched insurance i had to find a new psychiatrist and she seems like she doesnt trust me with it since it can be addicting, although i have never had any problems with addiction and i take it as needed... again this is the only thing that has helped my anxiety, ever. i don’t know what to do. should i find a new psychiatrist?",6.492973395931145,7.334016309859155,7.598544600938965,68.68675273865415,65.47887323943662,11.381533646322383,33.383411580594675,11.20814326018867,4.127410641627543,604,25,103,18,9,205,90,142,0.152,0.789,0.06,-0.8001,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,1,1,5,0,15,5,1,0,2,26,22,14,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,0,19,2,20,15,2,16,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,11,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718841327659181,0.14986589468646927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24973928667911116,0.0,0.0,0.09972302908256517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480068783564768,0.0,0.3815824872312992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186494100252406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042157425710908,0.0,0.21480889740499176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285835394676578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279883682560744,0.21013127667927334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227948188381073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671683744427733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853219152339687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060922416925895014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512454815360056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166929320204692,0.18492783765187565,0.09617679443032268,0.3613098652520485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484042962859576,0.0,0.1463092921865081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932163817991714,0.0,0.12535855096189466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352274772585624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315362940455906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937593360764118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284554121352612,0.07990311274837683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854696092592947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078352590575976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vivalyrian,2019/04/22,"ADHD with comorbid Dysthymia and C-PTSD; or BPD? Mid-30s, received my 3 diagnoses over the past 18 months, but treatment has been unsuccessful thus far (medications, therapy, adopting a more healthy lifestyle).     
I stumbled across BPD yesterday (discarded it a few years ago stupidly mistaking it for BiPolar Disorder since I was never very prone to mania), and the more I read, the more insecure I'm becoming about my current diagnoses, as well as how on Earth is someone going to distinguish them? Occam's Razor makes me lean towards BPD (which I realize also tend to come with comorbidities), but there is so much in my youth that speak in favour of ADHD.   
    
Really confused.      

   My understanding is that there isn't really any medication available for BPD, and that DBT is currently the most successful form of treatment.   
    
Curious if I should continue the current ongoing medical trials for ADHD (currently on medication number 6, have another 5 more left on the list that I have been offered from my therapist) while also try to get DBT from a BPD specialist.   
     
Nathan Myhrvold said, ""we live in a more and more specialised society. You specialise and specialise, until you eventually know everything about nothing."". 
    
I sort of feel like an ADHD specialist will stand firm on that diagnosis, whereas a BPD specialist will make that diagnosis. They all have their pet specialities, looking for confirmations in their patients to add another to the list of inventory.",10.322384615384614,10.295957140000006,9.8932,58.38536923076924,57.6,14.252307692307696,45.23076923076921,13.274406872562384,6.636224615384616,1175,65,172,41,13,381,159,250,0.08,0.831,0.09,0.406,4,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,2,4,1,9,9,1,2,13,0,15,7,0,4,2,30,27,17,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,7,2,1,0,9,10,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,4,1,0,4,4,20,5,34,20,11,31,0,0,1,0,11,13,0,5,15,120,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133802978346677,0.0,0.07622627789799495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753474581180986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584771699849093,0.18033917470780267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497085770726588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6498197173030567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407406457587888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745591284004095,0.0,0.0,0.09855371099466173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772836170361722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347988705569807,0.06143234605382592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492701051190412,0.0,0.04887095213673247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725868050644959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343001829213343,0.0,0.0,0.04201110417136829,0.0,0.07593207150943031,0.0,0.07221120398238988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479999034673125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34650956511570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863759631432682,0.0,0.06321364811759428,0.0,0.06632194738096729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251116516191337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208861859062505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051946386966436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601477230201762,0.0,0.11017671595753044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179761004891835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113305888439989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286032040555475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983387765195686,0.0998427613614548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058382585078461474,0.0,0.0,0.08952018600657875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095199472742654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731668726477206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537570780444028
bpd,Dorkyblackcat,2019/04/22,"Strange situation someone is jealous of me I have bpd and have been struggling with my toxic behaviours, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, and my social problems. I made progress I haven’t self harmed in years, I’ve been to therapy and ever since recently I’ve been taking my anti depressants. 

My best friend I’ve known since I was 7 and I reconnected when we were 24 after we stopped hanging out when we were 19(due to my issues I drove a wedge in between us but she never gave up on me) My friend introduced me to her group of friends and I agreed to meet them. We would play online games and meet up on saturdays to hangout. I started taking my meds in February specifically so I wouldn’t cause any issues and I’d have more mental clarity. I was really enjoying myself and this was the first time in my life I’ve had the chance to have a group of friends that I didn’t feel weird being around. 

I found out recently though that there’s this guy in the group who is jealous of my friend and I hanging out so much. Apparently he fights with my friend online about how close me and her are. He doesn’t like it when me and her play games alone with just the two of us. When I join group voice chats he doesn’t speak at all, but I found out he talks when I’m not there, he even talks openly to my boyfriend but not to me. Idk it’s a weird situation, it bums me out a bit because I tried doing everything right this time.

I’m not sure if I can handle this. I don’t want my bpd getting in the way but this is all I can think about since I heard about it from my friend. My plan to deal with it is to be nice and try befriend him so he won’t be as jealous. It’s just weird to me, I’ve always been the jealous person in these situations.",2.8704047619047586,4.208731072222225,3.912063492063492,89.915,74.3888888888889,7.365079365079365,24.24603174603175,7.957251820313856,1.065519841269841,1366,41,304,20,28,442,169,360,0.11199999999999999,0.72,0.168,0.981,1,1,0,0,1,0,24.0,6,0,1,4,20,26,5,1,10,0,33,1,0,3,5,58,49,29,1,5,10,0,1,1,7,3,1,3,0,3,15,29,0,1,6,6,0,3,11,12,0,2,18,4,55,14,45,25,6,42,0,1,0,0,46,21,0,1,18,203,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696406315868372,0.0,0.0,0.0779009284439711,0.0,0.0,0.06366610876553645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334334828681564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057071046950623726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825041781217013,0.0,0.10221087710888403,0.0,0.2358270347811687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961754902072279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965200775784148,0.08063641330655674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183638813259217,0.084686376929908,0.0,0.0,0.08414133531579518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473380503727468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963474823565078,0.0,0.20530318248083296,0.5063243842772622,0.0,0.04891358351471912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092700409436401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543389917614606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612792327721898,0.04573893586548132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858731427590201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399283569911433,0.0,0.09434886448036264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882287562068566,0.0,0.07220698807053254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174704004753612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958352329839417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997659243249909,0.0,0.1848806816324106,0.0,0.0,0.07995259901267097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766806959415557,0.0,0.0,0.2323350325397867,0.3157048460192533,0.0,0.09543574646049732,0.07932553994711034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626606928171944,0.0,0.0,0.07827210829803732,0.0,0.09787394711074668,0.0,0.10240717333866968,0.0,0.08823754155858936,0.0,0.14078404882739662,0.15049948874327748,0.0,0.0,0.10706481253077604,0.0,0.0,0.0599891392013522,0.09198305055653523,0.07432533832650631,0.10918337641680227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712626184125278,0.0,0.09145500160422093,0.0,0.22523125908599906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552206277733824,0.07431271387221626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066506318232809,0.0,0.0,0.06028944008329866
bpd,simonb2798,2019/04/22,"Need a BPD friend Basically i think i might have quiet BPD and i'm looking for someone to talk to about it, who has knowledge and can help clarify my thoughts.

I definitely dissociate and zone out, i feel my emotions a lot more intensely than others, i never know what mood i'm going to be in and this is something people say often to me that they never know what mood i'm going to be in when they see me. I easily get irritated and angry at myself about stupid things and i'm always arguing with myself in my head. I have a constant fear of consequences and being told off, again about stupids things.  Most of the time i suppress my emotions and eventually i have a break down and always cry my eyes out which then leads to suicidal thinking.

I have only just recently self harmed, i hadn't thought about self harming before because i was always scared of the pain and the consequences that would follow and the emotions of guilt and shame. I don't know if i am scared of people abandoning me, but i'm scared of being alone the rest of my life and i have this constant fear that people don't want me around, or i'm going to be kicked out by my sister, scared that no body will love me and when i'm out with people i fear they talk about me when i'm not there. 

When i look back at past events or past thinking or feelings, i feel as though it wasn't me that did them, i can't understand why i thought like that or how i got so bad. Even when i wake up each morning i always feels different like someone has pressed the reset button on me. I just don't know who i am anymore and when i look back on my life u swear ive had phases one time i thought for a while i was actually female in male body, another time i thought i had other personalities and they all had names and spoke differently in my head but i don't know if i was just pretending, another phase last year i was social able going out drinking every weekend and then all of a sudden i stopped i can't imagine me doing that its not like me.

With anger most of the time i suppress it but when i does get bad i never show it, i just think of some really nasty things i would like to do or imagine im the hulk and smash everything and everyone to pieces.

i don't know some of the things with bpd when i think about it fit me but others don't and makes me wonder if i just have a mild version of it, if thats even possible. But i've got a doctors appointment and i will voice my concerns with them but im just scared they won't listen so i just want all the facts so i can say yes this is what i do and this matches up with bpd or whatever disorder, because i know something else is up with me other than just depression and anxiety.",3.792488038277512,4.46722939572193,4.912373111924197,86.13809527160147,71.44206773618538,8.115601838821652,26.52786377708979,8.288913261614885,1.5014213903743319,2125,66,461,31,38,701,222,561,0.174,0.765,0.062,-0.9956,2,1,3,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,7,1,35,29,4,10,18,1,48,12,6,3,7,117,100,57,1,9,26,1,5,4,1,6,4,6,0,4,33,38,1,4,26,4,0,6,17,21,0,1,19,16,81,6,60,70,13,60,0,2,5,1,27,21,0,18,36,329,114,2,0.061049965307381965,0.0,0.05957595957663511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322935235224808,0.0,0.0,0.20319384698597973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280324233386492,0.046703056359043885,0.0,0.060545160969883174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434741246784542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388730986382664,0.10194834194581892,0.0744309844121773,0.0,0.05194902393416957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562549745399932,0.30756117659718746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319466481995293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706052020463701,0.0,0.0,0.0525822456618576,0.0,0.0,0.12756843984692506,0.06996854936320986,0.062487226400634865,0.05342523604894617,0.0,0.0,0.05980572403670105,0.0,0.0,0.0509994122538717,0.20601898161036325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806458526191802,0.0,0.05143722883488232,0.05833585808999039,0.0548677722937873,0.0,0.0,0.20609455161442025,0.1234747872224998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716705175549653,0.0,0.06379217425742358,0.0,0.1387844087247511,0.0,0.09765446855356168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530975464158295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092050486750014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318888775172343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348602503688929,0.049763869955842616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624279191714654,0.11930371718530428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537997850946172,0.0,0.0,0.05190249733691691,0.05509997723969602,0.0,0.04075132590342725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476436554511372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526777571412216,0.14125649056809558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041369036477802684,0.04643124963306156,0.06496146742965114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655819966692,0.1692974361465285,0.053306474899470005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882466295822763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911017104961365,0.0,0.06027947561834712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709876555722828,0.30560832762623524,0.0,0.04864891818432958,0.0,0.12737685663659604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223275142745693,0.10345487498063832,0.09399849185013626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510405046334602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677875323594673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813929916497804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223553689645068,0.19559176339706968,0.059981280946898474,0.24233426553381,0.14239490288620124,0.0,0.0,0.05833585808999039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355516692764931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201770257670646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508809797525052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620608315869138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673628749057688,0.0,0.0,0.03931417605621704
bpd,heckifino,2019/04/22,"Idk who I am? Legitimately struggling to feel like I am my own self. Want to delete all of the photos of me because I don’t recognize myself in them. Just can’t find a personal identity I feel like I’ve just been variations of other people shaped around a frame that might be me? I’m not sure. 

DAE feel this? What do you do? How do I find myself in a not at all sappy way but seriously figure out who I am under all the layers of other people’s paint?

Throwaway account.",0.7591372912801475,3.0176137448979574,3.2967903525046403,87.2943135435993,85.0204081632653,6.012615955473097,19.11317254174397,7.348242739294969,0.5534775510204075,369,10,77,6,11,128,64,98,0.085,0.848,0.067,-0.3759,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,11,0,0,1,4,20,16,2,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,6,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,3,13,3,12,13,4,8,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118326984432752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505673370511749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36095551075030297,0.3399938890985403,0.0,0.0,0.43497783904639264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325081103045039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524353910042189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32993965222967475,0.20777538266673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482416552629489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24876493145456785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427220547981644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140353547480618,0.18887965304706672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FluffyKitten73,2019/04/22,"Always feel like I am missing out but also do not want to go out and be around people While growing up, I lived in a remote area. Summer always made me feel isolated and that I was missing out. The rest of my school lived in a small town where they had access to friends everyday. I lived in an even more remote area with strict parents.

Now as an adult, I still have this sense of “missing out” as summer comes around. I could spend time with people but I use my time after class/work for relaxation and studies. 

I can never seem to find the right balance. If I force myself to go out I just want to be home. But when I am home all the time I feel I am missing out.",2.4540316205533617,3.826319449275368,3.411422924901185,92.9491897233202,75.52173913043478,5.887747035573122,21.241106719367586,6.1124844417494595,0.06977391304347869,516,12,114,3,11,165,82,138,0.11199999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.09,-0.017,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,0,7,0,11,0,0,2,2,32,26,12,0,4,6,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,14,0,0,5,1,1,4,2,4,0,0,3,3,18,3,25,20,3,34,0,4,0,0,4,18,0,2,13,83,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837673560286988,0.26714962192499164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28581358951067604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828340681414866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817109362984008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602933778068163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435081810772226,0.11468351506763495,0.0,0.0,0.14672260048740512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402600010488354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824671508013675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32205174737012715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842743127575931,0.0,0.4252559486872871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518984945935468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238115510860644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782508902399403,0.0,0.0,0.2225842304296556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709276015572666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246613584383515,0.0,0.14614156733694222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282004166574671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28082108563591995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864740696732086,0.0,0.0,0.18937091157687605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168686191095412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BrosettaStone7,2019/04/22,"I find talk therapy ineffective. Have you found anything else helpful? I’ve had 5 therapists over the past couple years. 
Neuropsychological testing is next on my radar  because though it may not be the perfect course of action, it will put me in front of a bona fide professional.",6.109200000000001,8.40914012,6.277000000000001,72.32350000000002,67.8,9.0,32.5,9.516144504307137,3.2588000000000013,226,10,38,5,4,72,46,50,0.08900000000000001,0.855,0.055999999999999994,-0.1774,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,5,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,22,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265632770718577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783131345488245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30463415952636136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299928829798997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516356882794853,0.0,0.0,0.3018720052747257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845398696090834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928038444406721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628222090373853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767706598332809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212902007205644,0.0,0.0,0.31485015733787103,0.3196654487301471,0.0,0.0,0.2704985630252477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729578231486906
bpd,ptsdsuckss,2019/04/22,"Saying “I love you” too soon I told this guy that I love him but in reality I just really like him and I knew it at the time. I’m sure he doesn’t love me either. 

Sometimes I just feel like I have to say I love people in order to keep them closer to me.

Anyone else?",-0.5730000000000004,1.035966366666667,2.4700000000000024,95.165,85.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,13.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.9051666666666668,202,2,51,2,6,72,42,60,0.0,0.613,0.387,0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,11,2,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,14,7,6,9,1,7,0,0,0,4,13,4,0,0,4,33,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390096815238714,0.2037000999172261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607678790446712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052221752586736,0.14202694789055967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684906008439326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670778516421176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425300468726606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7177202112075918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782695306230014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736012623010212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161968026799986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966240814614619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737217263190825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592529717591755,0.0,0.0,0.18996752125316754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EthVor,2019/04/22,"does this sound like bpd? So, I may be looking for help in the wrong place, but I have looked everywhere I know to look and I'm scared i'm running out of time. My friend, let's call her ""B"", since December of 2018 (she's 16 years old) has been suffering from what we think might be a mood disorder, causing suicidal and self-harming thoughts, which come in cycles of 6 days on average. The intensity of the suicidal thoughts and desires to hurt herself are like a mountain, with the peak being the worst on day 3 or 4 usually. Now when you hear cycle, you may think bipolar, but the hypomania/mania cycle largely doesn't exist for her. She has said that she feels normal, and not high or manic when she's in her ""good cycle"". She said she has felt over-energetic only once. Following the 6 days of evil thoughts, which we will call the ""bad cycle"", B's desire to cut herself and her desire to die go away. She feels like a normal person, who can experience happiness and has no desire to hurt herself, and will even seek help. It is like she is a different person biweekly. More recently she has been preparing while she is in her good cycle for her bad cycle. Her parents used to allow her to shave during her good cycle, but she will take razor blades out of the shaving razor and hide them so that when she's bad, she has the means to cut herself (these blades are very dull and she would not end her life with them. It would be easier to end your life with a fork). She has wonderful parents, who are aware of her situation. She has not been abused sexually or physically, goes to a wonderful school where she is not bullied, and has a few close friends. She does very well in school and is liked by all her teachers. She used to have an eating disorder, because she thought she was overweight and unattractive. She still thinks that she needs to lose weight, and feels bad about eating, which intensifies the problem of her cutting and wanting to die. She and I have been growing close to each other and I tell her every day that I care about her and love her. She says that that helps, knowing that she is loved, but she doesn't believe me when I say that I think she's beautiful. and I say it a lot. She has tried antidepressants, and mood stabilizing drugs, but they don't work. She has been into a treatment center, which taught her ""coping skills"", but she is not confident in them. The coping skills to help her to not want to die are simple things like ""Go outside, or take a cold shower, or read a book."" She's a smart girl and she knows that they don't really help, they're just distractions. I am willing to help her for the rest of my life, even if that means that my life is hard, but the thing that really hurts is that I don't know how to help her. She is willing to talk about her cutting with me and she knows that I'll tell her parents, and she still tells me. She wants help, but sometimes she doesn't. She has never attempted suicide, but has planned on killing herself \~3 times. The first time, she didn't do it because she realized she wanted to live. The second time, she only didn't because she was scared of death, and the third time, only because we stopped her by informing her parents. She says if she had the means to kill herself without excruciating pain, she would do it. Please help. I'm desperate.",5.978085174768982,5.939247943511454,5.9589333065488175,83.040673965448,66.5114503816794,9.215347529128165,30.061269586179186,8.841846274778883,2.112022900763358,2613,84,537,38,38,823,269,655,0.18899999999999997,0.627,0.184,-0.8084,6,0,1,0,1,2,94.0,3,3,5,7,18,43,7,3,31,0,66,13,0,5,2,112,114,47,9,17,24,4,6,6,2,11,8,8,1,3,31,37,4,1,24,2,0,6,17,24,1,3,18,18,105,17,60,80,7,52,0,6,3,2,124,19,0,13,33,366,136,6,0.0,0.06482042440331745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140027638835597,0.0,0.18271667962522686,0.13339875934674586,0.0,0.0,0.061637552892149235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890322576228378,0.0,0.11172664221362708,0.0,0.05577878797376823,0.05620052442839011,0.0,0.04712638159812663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112938630289015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033582585374826,0.0571585601808715,0.12540097047025886,0.0,0.0957512555157133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344429339471601,0.11196055791433462,0.0,0.0,0.09691068316650547,0.0,0.0,0.07226867124505665,0.0,0.04609412709638541,0.0,0.0,0.05351524388873146,0.0,0.0,0.08298652548482602,0.03908364147663513,0.05252857566532794,0.0,0.0,0.04653487706611177,0.0,0.0,0.08453503921678053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062184008738988786,0.13766025332244528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058238033976384176,0.0490079173590123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166026334883248,0.0,0.33002856013862714,0.057802353739400535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569919448089913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105332160374628,0.0,0.15033133554386618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594297344575876,0.15456844397807915,0.16036635801270074,0.0,0.048308457190492905,0.0,0.1378236542311634,0.06120462678440505,0.0,0.04651106529372826,0.09875280653424814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878022713960098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058036892040513176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056553306624473,0.04219443631859399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720509432808496,0.0,0.0,0.057407188806097936,0.05826258535712803,0.0,0.12482444935168915,0.058213519738439315,0.0,0.24298850215465545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955384061207492,0.0571585601808715,0.06005331711207185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052348482744039984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547231342817502,0.0,0.07009511344047077,0.0,0.054017875250917266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408029874022467,0.17402503757985546,0.1095451634110157,0.11073550024465084,0.0,0.0,0.0570727190396741,0.0,0.0,0.045255295445470266,0.06149445446941518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410793669546479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738028510620216,0.045738613081016025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795260986284971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822677103927789,0.043972482881824336,0.14345247386935725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269156627061547,0.1402195538950449,0.0,0.1737292103535648,0.1595043342192774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03714336453448255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450086252379188,0.06025349573350908,0.09028020260040656,0.12907356056900166,0.0,0.0,0.0666200067370069,0.0491893583645627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273687730004395,0.11865769913331935,0.03982831539871229,0.0,0.0,0.11658968270705115,0.05981496997519267,0.0,0.03523037047042518
bpd,nathan19000,2019/04/22,"I hate this I hate how much I depend on my FP 
It’s so dumb 

Now they hate me and my worst fear came true 

What the hell am I supposed to do now 

I’m so empty",-4.3935164835164855,-3.3210230256410256,-0.7094505494505476,110.0723076923077,112.58974358974359,2.2285714285714286,8.135531135531135,3.1291,-2.6293545787545787,118,1,36,0,7,42,30,39,0.525,0.425,0.05,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,1,2,6,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317261059208777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263732878882196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8590571781736329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321123852170387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gnarlypillow,2019/04/22,"How Do I Ask My Doctor to Diagnose Me with BPD/Tell Them I Truly Believe I Have it? Hi there, lovely beings. I know you might see these posts often, but I don't want you to write me off too fast.

I'm a female, 22, currently diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD (complex). I take 75mg of Topamax, 300mg of Trileptal for mood stability, and while the meds are okay, I don't think I'm reaching my best potential with them. I also don't think my diagnosis is right.

For quite some time, I've believed I have borderline personality disorder. My mom had it **bad**. I mean, bad bad. She had a litany of other mental illnesses, but the BPD was the driving force behind it all. I remember this because she talked about it a lot and was very abusive towards me growing up. She ended up committing suicide in May of 2017; this is something that haunts me deeply still today.

I have a lot of her same qualities, and more are starting to come out of the woodworks. Out of the 9 criteria of BPD, I meet 6 to possibly 7. Self-harm and ""splitting"" are probably the biggest ones, as well as a distorted self-image and extreme mood swings (hence why my doctor put me on Trileptal) that are fast and don't last long, maybe a day at most. I get road rage, horrendous anxiety that my family will die, etc etc. *I could go on...*

 I've told my psychiatrist about all of this, yet I don't think I've been diagnosed with anything other than what's stated above. I know BPD is a heavy diagnosis, but I feel trapped and honestly, like I'm going crazy. I meet with my psych this Thursday and want to bring it up, but self-diagnosing is **never** a good look. Like, ever.

\[MED TALK\]  I don't like my meds, excluding the Topamax. The Trileptal has made me gain 10-15 pounds of weight, which plays on my distorted body image and possible eating issues, so it's gotta go. I was on Lamictal XR, but that was the absolute worst. I'm missing my Prozac days lol. I also believe I need an anti-anxiety medication for when I have my intense anxiety episodes; it wouldn't be for everyday use, just for episodes. They've given me Clonidine, but that shit just makes me groggy and doesn't do anything. I know docs are afraid to give out scripts for Xanax because it's so often abused, but I need something to calm me down when I feel like I need to cut. I've mentioned Klonipin to this same psychiatrist and she immediately shut that down. 

Feeling very stuck. Feeling very hopeless. Feeling like I'm crazy. 

Thank y'all for reading all of this <3",2.2077575757575763,4.539930068686871,3.6467575757575763,86.5501363636364,79.62626262626263,7.030707070707071,25.65757575757576,8.109356740369918,1.7067042424242431,1964,78,394,38,50,645,251,495,0.2,0.68,0.12,-0.9947,1,1,2,0,1,2,93.0,0,3,2,3,19,27,3,1,18,2,37,14,2,4,6,72,81,29,2,7,9,1,6,5,0,5,9,0,0,1,25,21,2,0,14,2,0,8,9,11,1,1,11,8,59,14,54,62,14,50,0,3,2,1,23,20,1,8,25,246,84,4,0.0,0.16350824145105286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035909507787277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114028713239572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356280239326548,0.0,0.06450600420520028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283720704723926,0.08412393452110098,0.0,0.0,0.2332192663079613,0.07241160059541787,0.0,0.0,0.07664382351864579,0.3476140546256375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059437683816418965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550911574503934,0.0,0.0,0.08899902300805851,0.0,0.05942989234879525,0.28013557351115875,0.07161145991106714,0.0,0.07908036836610885,0.1412495450287824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706045745031974,0.0,0.0,0.06111382148542555,0.0,0.15390723862235495,0.0,0.06241475851883771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504738035101963,0.0,0.1744432274634314,0.09858771438437204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03604983013842946,0.06619141419094526,0.11764345122177945,0.05787421209095402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201842885290667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376234822295166,0.05624448703377599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685504056523417,0.0,0.0,0.06106313021678434,0.0579429080189272,0.0,0.0,0.11732324439707599,0.06227550144651847,0.0652897907409488,0.04605826322225955,0.0,0.0693201165222089,0.07516159917932666,0.22993147055593735,0.06951058406419182,0.0695361143852252,0.07319845746291695,0.0,0.08081236510202454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534886350153259,0.053217316493832184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675641660988624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024843604325706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555750333240935,0.06608325294705905,0.0,0.07439403761805545,0.0,0.08065770583927988,0.06936440043840787,0.0,0.07339035576794511,0.06901901318499283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816393521512421,0.05892591395732464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498433804392058,0.0,0.21594721133597364,0.0,0.07082785818020948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623966666480623,0.0,0.0,0.048838796299365786,0.0,0.0551037612246624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754751735313937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518796690177153,0.11091972035708626,0.06030933909616424,0.06352624324025989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263789665146342,0.0,0.0,0.040234653555709016,0.0,0.06540425499771756,0.06593278249577614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059594140230907325,0.0,0.17079752216511745,0.08139637737925433,0.0,0.0,0.08402382618824537,0.06203959290864852,0.0,0.062262075176904234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,souroranges12,2019/04/22,"Anybody else get a weird kind of “high” when someone worries about you? Like if someone asks if I’m okay, it makes me feel like I’m cared for, or at least noticed.",1.6913725490196114,3.378589705882355,2.3652941176470605,98.29049019607844,78.41176470588233,4.533333333333334,26.03921568627451,3.1291,0.13816862745098035,126,5,29,0,3,39,29,34,0.115,0.638,0.247,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,7,4,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649447657580197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889495739664372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367479288152197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329773052241188,0.2024640900953547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806705080133611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994322052159277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951219692784959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27691405346963843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917457236731167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226576764088228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802550910896863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28781082562334553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fushich,2019/04/22,"I want to leave my job because of one girl. It started on the first day, she spoke too much, breathed loudly, sucked her teeth (*WHY?????*) I could hear every-single-thing she did. It made me so angry and I found myself talking to others about it and quickly learned everyone around me felt the same. 

Yet, I'm the only one who can't stand it to a point of wanting to leave my work. 

It's not like I'm highly invested in it in the first place, in fact I hate it. We have to lock away all our electronics (we can't even use cards to pay for lunch, only change.) and I'm stuck in a basement with ten or so other people for the full 8 hours. Hell, we even have to go to the bathroom as a group. It's a living hell. 

I came out of a work situation where I was alone for two years, thinking ""It will be nice to be with people again."" H A H A

I need this job to pay for my life, I live alone, I support my parents, but thinking I have to go back tomorrow is making my stomach curl. I want to throw up, I can't stand the idea of working another day with that girl, with that environment. 

Just last week every time she made noises while on break, I slapped my ring on the table just to get myself to snap out of my disgust for her. I even left early one day when I started to disassociate in the middle of work (I started laughing to myself at my desk, which turned a few heads) because I knew I was moments from getting up and screaming at her. 

​

Honestly I don't know what to do. What job am I even mentally good for anymore? Being alone at my old job was stressful, being with people isn't obviously working, working from home just means even more isolation, I'm so lost haha.",3.046945244956774,3.960249291066287,4.343661095100867,88.64247723342942,73.38040345821325,6.935285302593662,25.695561959654174,7.087006719466742,0.9710674121037468,1292,41,284,12,25,427,181,347,0.136,0.7979999999999999,0.066,-0.9604,5,4,0,0,0,0,56.0,4,0,0,9,20,15,5,1,17,1,21,6,4,4,3,44,56,12,0,5,6,1,1,1,0,1,1,5,1,2,18,16,1,0,9,0,3,4,6,8,0,7,13,6,44,7,55,37,6,54,2,1,0,0,18,24,3,1,24,194,62,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602489881644133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075346827130808,0.10177705577642346,0.0,0.08782922115163437,0.0,0.0,0.08306699496610925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456378289477507,0.0,0.0,0.0786948811635999,0.06440594566855172,0.0,0.10211812320664836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579864395645296,0.0,0.0,0.08860652789109587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687520782453422,0.0,0.0,0.16205399655662658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766120581002048,0.0,0.07057105737687534,0.08003586666018317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042233058133104,0.0,0.0,0.14249170930567154,0.0,0.09183805451051738,0.0,0.0,0.0875218453966032,0.0,0.09520499736261244,0.07025356046927789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269524293406094,0.08596149214298507,0.0,0.09440313238961258,0.0,0.0,0.08849659336713113,0.08401768653793189,0.0,0.08248631270475429,0.0,0.0,0.09455436883486902,0.0,0.0,0.33247382924197033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603207382157114,0.0682752356901376,0.0,0.17737859932986733,0.09100502707830116,0.0,0.05916186733410745,0.04092069917775674,0.0,0.14792248466056496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143347428665104,0.0,0.0,0.15851067672894292,0.0559101690284729,0.0,0.0,0.0912387359090768,0.0,0.0,0.08440995462855921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061572927671622174,0.06210666611725425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789158772024876,0.0,0.17027297424630447,0.12740586754598654,0.0,0.0,0.09300509960639804,0.0,0.0,0.17420503617730354,0.0,0.0875109321773051,0.0,0.07917987513676868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941492755822478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778563822349057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594631413637987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504937704497918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732277641288142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733951163230786,0.0,0.0,0.04884088377901672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110636920034676,0.08182093741651597,0.0,0.0,0.07234138285540602,0.0,0.0,0.1482107085416567,0.0,0.06718688154389227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557999159468579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658678241611248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177705577642346,0.05393842236513283
bpd,Thonggrrrl15,2019/04/22,Family buys me presents to be delivered a month later as suicide insurance. I find it amusing how many family have resorted to offering me money every month and buying little things I want to be delivered next month. They’ve never said anything directly but they must think I’m going to kill myself any day now.,8.78201149425287,8.31713501724138,9.243103448275862,63.228908045977036,60.896551724137936,13.250574712643678,36.574712643678154,12.45797560212912,5.063912643678161,253,10,39,8,3,85,46,58,0.152,0.802,0.046,-0.8587,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,8,9,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,5,5,0,11,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,9,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840960068934925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959161410437632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074571830641625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387527070980125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114714953949982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946595056552485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402991618425553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414484629860248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873221741827728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125949114682736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5225874438134436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683189136938302,0.0,0.2320990220422568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759470145076825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871739607783266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449879005017216,0.13983835932799762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287226669976587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,burnout_joe,2019/04/22,"Why do I still think about her? Why do I still split? My (NB 24) ex wife and fp (F22) is constantly in my head. We tried to work things out a few months ago before the divorce was finalized but she ended up leaving to focus on herself. 

While I know that’s what I want for her I can’t help but want to message her. I want her back. I want her attention. 
I know that neither of us are in a good place to be with each other right now and I know she has already moved on and sleeping with other people (so have I)
But the thought of that will make me split. Any little thought of her being happy without me will make me split and hate her.
Deep down in my truest self I can say all I want for her is to be happy and healthy. I truly do want for her to be happy even if it isn’t with me.

But I’m still haunted by this shame and guilt that gets turned into anger and “fuck her” type mentality. 

I want to move on already. I’m doing a lot better in my life, better than I’ve ever been. 
But every fucking night I’m still grasping at this ember that was once a raging fire, hoping that’s maybe someday I can be with her. Every morning I grasp onto my pillow wishing it was her

I know how pathetic it sounds, and I just want it all to stop. 

I can’t connect with someone I’ve been seeing lately because there’s this mental block of my ex. Our sex is great and we can connect when I’m a little drunk but when I’m sober I just like... I get soft...
Because I think about my ex.

I really like this person and not in some obsessive way like my FP. I want to be able to move on. 

Any tips on these intrusive thoughts and the shame?",0.4334640792733282,2.329542800578036,2.316295623451694,96.06342774566477,83.42196531791906,4.879141205615195,18.84525185796862,5.860315114193679,-0.34395828241123105,1243,31,289,8,35,412,169,346,0.132,0.6759999999999999,0.193,0.9528,0,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,4,0,0,3,17,21,5,4,8,0,29,7,2,3,4,66,63,23,0,12,11,4,2,3,0,2,1,2,1,2,19,21,1,2,12,1,0,3,6,9,0,0,8,5,55,12,43,47,7,43,0,0,1,3,29,21,2,4,21,196,74,2,0.08445217938395208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486176147095044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863901599733308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486075593943315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493851302432957,0.0,0.1029625293913357,0.0,0.07186258445881905,0.0,0.0,0.14938217946308655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126280372767444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479956419931387,0.0,0.0,0.055779867995627175,0.07639183123130082,0.1423092070472189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925132345252034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561493579923501,0.08824555618590732,0.0,0.0,0.07083448126074716,0.0,0.09310882591319107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697027460083348,0.0,0.08337904295295118,0.08667230050227698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056606515665523875,0.0,0.0,0.08388006961323317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565083669650065,0.0,0.0952657368231108,0.0894226640355372,0.0,0.0,0.05965107184654723,0.12377720700793725,0.16928654025261322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179822287372194,0.0,0.0,0.11274497104141652,0.0,0.0848435653355998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021586690889187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740892386348146,0.26927790450993433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792526494043122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993881482294064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058548507663774986,0.07374038556565456,0.08823455272611537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410222863500369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212169975502651,0.0,0.06715976270839755,0.0,0.0,0.06729745290848549,0.0,0.08810204143340461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451316973790397,0.0,0.07155605753434192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697744781894061,0.07060580348325292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610627539035691,0.10822709303938308,0.0,0.20113679109263927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057337486215055224,0.09185972011594773,0.0,0.0,0.10158557347630837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483087513305623,0.06703420906959867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524099123956109,0.0,0.09711583844940218,0.0814088872430806,0.0,0.06148219241211912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,favoritefoodisapple,2019/04/22,"[question/advice] I need advice on dating someone with bpd. I recently ended up in a complicated relationship with a girl who mentioned she had borderline personality disorder. I'm very confused most of the time her actions are completely different to what she says. Her hobbies and interest change to the same as mine. She's literally not the same person I met. she's hot and she's cold. It'sometimes hard to get the truth from her and other times she shares everything. I want her to trust me with her thoughts and know I won't judge her, but she doubts everything I say or do. I told her I would be there for her no matter what even if our relationship dynamic changes from being lovers to friends.  I never go back on my word and I want to learn more about this disorder so I can hopefully have a relationship with her. I don't want to save her or fix her, I just want to be there for her. Anyone have any advice or book suggestions for me? I'm completely lost.",3.3152096370463084,5.5122915159574495,4.539962453066334,82.21029411764708,75.32978723404256,8.678848560700876,26.484355444305372,9.325443323948027,2.4068012515644552,767,29,151,20,17,252,111,188,0.107,0.737,0.156,0.7461,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,7,12,0,2,7,0,12,1,0,0,2,36,27,12,0,8,7,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,5,9,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,5,5,37,9,24,17,4,13,0,1,0,1,36,4,0,8,7,108,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593611680077978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336089903575032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571314649148094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942590492893392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438947045350915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593539150197473,0.0,0.2570526743400324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280735370598605,0.2809823373444584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857248619232622,0.0,0.0,0.08096516353527848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034006770616596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947076119808414,0.0,0.06404475435845157,0.0,0.06966695734254008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098106267940345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175295133574665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736861744981101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133814235161354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089401982962048,0.09454385636148076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407015079152766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732143530199134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103629493030015,0.3948260098465977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496644097838964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386449642838833,0.0,0.12123809301127735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731750760598992,0.14295870431444116,0.0,0.0,0.11713366867184805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114412291813077,0.28921140404293044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707971300494728,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,red_39,2019/04/22,"Seeking advice I found out my boyfriend (who I’ve lived with for a year) has been emotionally cheating on me for months with a girl at work.
He’s been gaslighting me and lying since February. He distanced himself away from me and would argue all the time with me. I figured it was due to stress with work & depression.

Then he started going out every night with coworkers- which is fine, just very different as he never has gone out much. He also has been getting back into shape, dressing nicer and grooming more.

When I first confronted him via phone he denied it and said I was crazy. Then in person when I asked if there’s someone else he told me everything. 
I left to stay by my parents for the weekend & came back to our place last night. 

Conversation came about to essentially what now? He said he wants us to work on himself and see how we do, take it day by day. Still wants me to move out. So I assumed that meant we are working on our relationship and he said no and that he also cancelled our trip abroad. I broke down and threatened to call his job and expose this forbidden affair, & to harm myself. I had panic attack while doing so.

I feel utterly ashamed for letting my emotions win. For allowing him to see how much I love him and am hurt. When realistically, I don’t think I can ever trust him again without always worrying he’s with this girl. 

How to I recover and be strong? I’m going back to my parents and don’t plan to return to our place for awhile.

Tl;dr
Found out boyfriend has been having emotional affair with coworker for months. I broke down and had an episode & panic attack. How do I recover to be strong and allow him to realize what he’s done?",4.172296072507557,5.661550181268886,4.795956495468278,84.25984410876134,71.35649546827794,7.712918429003023,27.137280966767374,8.238735603445708,1.7220512628398796,1334,46,262,20,25,427,179,331,0.177,0.746,0.077,-0.9879,4,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,7,0,0,9,21,20,5,4,5,0,27,1,0,6,3,54,51,30,0,4,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,11,31,0,0,8,1,0,7,5,14,0,1,19,6,42,6,49,28,4,54,0,4,2,1,47,18,0,2,28,179,53,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844442422439312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821291408449615,0.07190463203754939,0.37452470256803816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078684236089828,0.1966202499339444,0.081190222045603,0.1993445934183129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882399038207211,0.197672658233576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146171787596712,0.0,0.0744295574321161,0.0,0.0,0.09028582176930104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843307584546697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218907514456299,0.2916174733670151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816778173726005,0.0728087994250857,0.0,0.07766469380890342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043694281460014674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350499388984508,0.0,0.18950030618748845,0.0,0.0,0.04514854051827435,0.0,0.09822385854617582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250959732432708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575406564370447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044017938567243,0.0,0.0,0.09389071114286167,0.08836572009136821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630648396406563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799337721030616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795208107395635,0.09184601777061356,0.1270506949305665,0.0,0.06664897340069098,0.0,0.0,0.16219021591401586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027799778724604,0.1919084081903316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545469549832827,0.18057164353860208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927779242385126,0.0,0.0,0.2466028344316209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772395623024666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148380795067974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321958640299528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116534710756135,0.0921074422631603,0.06901154282302452,0.0,0.098988681779636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497371359939022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537157344183603,0.0,0.0,0.050389582400895014,0.0,0.0,0.08257372893471293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394722586381504,0.0,0.0,0.07130185098683163,0.10194022074546494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833014738214959,0.0,0.2516460998374168,0.08775915135696316,0.0,0.061387103289041615,0.0,0.0,0.05564875915512882
bpd,tangerine_lemongrass,2019/04/22,"A new obsession is ruining my life... I’ve recently started getting into BTS music/videos, and I can feel myself becoming obsessed, especially with one of the members. It’s crazy and I hate it, but I can’t stop. I watched videos of them until 3 am last night. It feels unhealthy and not right but I can’t stop. I seem to always get obsessed with things like this, even fictional, but this is worse. Am I overreacting? I dunno",1.6167469879518066,4.224709048192775,3.427722891566269,85.27074096385546,85.02409638554218,6.693493975903616,25.16746987951808,7.908726449838941,1.8109527710843367,333,14,64,7,10,111,59,83,0.293,0.669,0.038,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,3,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,16,14,7,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,3,11,1,7,14,0,10,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,9,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532988483052686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725347278169629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629872545451484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954558630526874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25785111090040963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436312918232233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114801384629555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429880672550724,0.12055787551087865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23832907465951286,0.0,0.2315740822988443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672156833789005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436526099575009,0.0,0.0,0.21073764170834525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464737905316776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466292951275075,0.0,0.0,0.4126164682064797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639410080594881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25147662150600875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Maetto,2019/04/22,"DAE have an ""anxious itch""? Could be an itch, could be tapping your heels together, stretching arms, anything at all. 

I've just noticed recently that whenever I'm in an uncomfortable situation, or certain things are a bit more triggering, I will itch the back of my neck. When things get worse and my other personalities start getting upset (especially during switching) I also move my head around a lot. The popping of my neck as well as hands is very satisfying during those situations. It's something to do and fidget with, keeping me a bit more sane for a few minutes. 

Just curious how common this is.",6.083363636363636,7.811831836363638,6.72159090909091,71.36238636363636,67.0,9.5,34.65909090909091,9.827888789773867,3.692727272727273,482,23,80,11,8,158,84,110,0.091,0.8220000000000001,0.087,-0.1298,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,9,0,10,9,9,2,2,15,15,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,2,10,10,7,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,5,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470969459925535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078001182526701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513671473893277,0.16374581400109187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414386930299657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016302108324919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29372263360548684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922023703862904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887757562349736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634945396567982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637941696214658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954993685666099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094171859758173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060952541405388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161879939592515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135130801929465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160618568530872,0.0,0.0,0.1301938508379369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444034485057671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176996438071014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538436892843328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874508222260836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vegedarian,2019/04/22,"DAE have experience using certain BPD traits to their advantage in jobs or school? Since being diagnosed with BPD I have been extremely self-conscious about the stigma and stereotypes for anyone with a personality disorder. Recently, I have started to come to terms with the fact I can be manipulative and lie without any intent to do so because of the nature of BPD and that it does not mean I am worthless as a person. Now I find myself feeling more comfortable with looking at my past behaviors and using that to now control my actions in response to extreme emotions. It sucks to think that I can do such things without even realizing it, but I feel like these traits can be used as an advantage in certain job disciplines or even education once under control. 

Despite bad intentions, has anyone found that your ability to deceive helps you in anyway? For me, I’m in the process of finishing my undergrad and gradually becoming more interested in law as I go on and feel like my innate ability of being a good manipulator could benefit me in a career like that. 

With that, I’m also curious if anyone else has found light in other traits or criteria you meet for BPD? For instance, while intense emotions suck the life out of me sometimes, I do think that aspect of BPD allows me to have great empathy when supporting friends or family in their times of need. I think it is important we practice looking at ourselves without bad judgment because there is hope and you don't have to neglect any aspect of yourself!",13.18322580645161,8.934195369175631,12.29315053763441,56.61972580645162,55.88172043010753,15.461075268817206,50.12222222222222,13.023866798666859,6.44382265232975,1224,62,197,30,10,402,156,279,0.034,0.7170000000000001,0.249,0.9966,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,4,2,4,11,21,2,0,10,0,23,2,0,10,3,55,47,20,0,4,10,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,14,15,0,4,11,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,3,6,26,15,48,39,3,27,0,2,2,0,12,14,2,6,13,148,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053217553322921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199557826269074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850109767480595,0.0903696155937445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472838490568981,0.10752977109863676,0.0974081300955882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554135683464139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597505480214467,0.0,0.0,0.1978438616297214,0.07041919263433696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951945206712973,0.0,0.0,0.10108293147737417,0.0,0.07718295611167461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367839037913666,0.19842250830970007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650833507955168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627489421674878,0.08314553948920031,0.0,0.1337871826297792,0.1260178143264353,0.0,0.0,0.08061167908399577,0.0,0.0,0.19340984086979635,0.06814181377179677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012514552941535,0.07397657770147761,0.0,0.09723897418696052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911748388649619,0.0,0.0,0.0876008460414501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504647378962387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062297091372614626,0.1292677522150314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481287738509609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607384154307748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539794682451645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392834682640684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419528929273819,0.0,0.15402276590278294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708521412658166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926142231090252,0.0,0.0,0.09201009731073888,0.0,0.0,0.07295857298947668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723040717881737,0.0,0.06242723449277656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008642379797693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859505380828224,0.16954179267921665,0.0,0.0,0.05142915760785221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22852512644574974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550601387434396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SuspiciousGloryHole,2019/04/22,"I get very upset when I visit my psychiatrist I have been diagnosed with Bipolar I for a number of years, and been hospitalized about four times for a combination of alcoholism and suicidal ideation. My current psychiatrist added that I have BPD traits. 

I can’t stand him and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting. He says things like “you’re very sensitive.” And “it’s time to grow up.” I feel totally crazy around him and I wonder if I’m over reacting. 

Has anyone else experienced something like this? He and my therapist work together and my therapist agrees he’s not a good guy.",3.5744537114261874,6.243148146788991,5.054361968306921,76.47452043369475,76.70642201834863,9.835195996663886,28.25771476230193,10.018931242160765,3.4519834862385324,464,20,85,16,11,155,73,109,0.121,0.8009999999999999,0.078,-0.75,1,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,17,13,10,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,9,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,3,14,3,10,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,7,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217277822817376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227702085986273,0.19383428600460426,0.0,0.16840771917584638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382619240999601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192010765575909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580331851505301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565362152322772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883722223497747,0.0,0.0,0.15867276877984884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731506281852886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484474226132228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044121605566585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456377672793224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692903325482465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392983677656986,0.12568085350045408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062136657857692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121818251864981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41030897163386704,0.13772317559262456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182384441618775
bpd,fstarnes9,2019/04/22,"how do i not be exhausting?? hey guys. cross posting w r/cptsd. i feel like i overreact sometimes and my triggers are too restricting (most are sexual, things like being called a good girl and stuff). i feel a lot and i look into things and underlying meanings of stuff. i.e my boyfriend posted 'your girl still listens to all my songs though' and even though we had a calm discussion about it, i think there shouldn't have been one in the first place. i just... don't want to be exhausting or complicated. any advice?",3.479240362811794,5.781381051020412,3.70768707482993,87.8746145124717,75.22448979591837,7.620861678004537,24.15419501133788,8.515128840125781,1.5429691609977323,405,13,81,8,9,125,72,98,0.061,0.7829999999999999,0.156,0.8457,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,2,1,22,18,9,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,3,5,7,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,2,0,2,2,5,12,4,7,12,3,9,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,3,4,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187178827416514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656622748492175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900466944644558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229288002516048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188213118984052,0.13296232166480454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831138193188612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610646117898772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842855066245865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185514000825634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562917574936303,0.0,0.0,0.15823037442031745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273643200530309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611798019658296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445309028355245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564980805111897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407488687619236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863361161470576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42611983420511457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472962869278718,0.11925652731101072,0.36571883933944704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977687614559227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PIMPeverlasting,2019/04/22,Anyone else internalize and beat themselves up for their own anger? I always have people that really irritate me or they do something that upsets me and instantly I feel like a douche bag for even having feelings of anger towards anyone and I feel like a negative person for even considering confronting somebody for upsetting me. So I internalize all of my anger and mentally hurt myself in the process. Is it just me? I feel like I don’t fit the criteria when it comes to explosive behaviors but they are absolutely internally explosive and hurt me more than anyone because I don’t let my anger show 9 times out of 10.,5.560019323671501,7.601626721739134,6.426376811594206,71.74729468599037,68.73913043478261,10.328502415458935,31.90821256038648,10.504223727775694,3.8780531400966174,503,22,84,15,9,166,74,115,0.245,0.6990000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.9702,0,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,3,1,5,12,5,2,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,15,13,9,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,9,0,0,0,4,18,3,13,12,3,8,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252172932419655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845065098277421,0.18781429133117555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173903763563177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578982159297772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531250806431131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421381372862212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707314636631161,0.3928523929860796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924566015614455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743844533235607,0.0,0.2686559095634871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847250380419935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270783447148522,0.1600520066221303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742778654244965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111463258863746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688471701927564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_hxd9,2019/04/22,"Feel so lonely can anyone help? Feel so incredibly lonely. Have one friend, barely do anything because of various reasons. The feeling of loneliness & rejection becomes more intense when I see groups of girls doing things together on social media when I do nothing at all. My friend has a boyfriend she gets to do a lot with, and with his mates, which is great, but I don’t have that either because my boyfriend is long distance and don’t get to see him until September. How do people get through this feeling?",6.814035087719297,7.706724736842109,6.4839473684210525,76.77679824561406,64.78947368421052,8.85964912280702,35.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.2133859649122805,410,19,69,6,6,128,68,95,0.081,0.784,0.135,0.5128,0,4,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,2,1,14,22,9,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,6,8,3,11,22,5,6,0,3,2,0,10,2,0,1,4,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075503511253505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246157164810958,0.0,0.16766280978162798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483992105592827,0.22501770784581132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.412073545879724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148220734416976,0.0,0.3193413170042341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462694914024312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656437819612302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030580032277596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321468292223938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954965313006798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806126687480896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124947365880902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094813385466024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247129664342727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076899351472674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535753828867328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cloakofdirt,2019/04/22,"[Meta] Is anyone else uncomfortable with all these 'to my BPD ex' posts? I've been on the fence about posting this for a while but I'm wondering if anyone has a problem with those types of posts too, or if I'm being too sensitive (on the BPD sub, go figure). 

I find it weird as hell when people post their letters to their BPD ex on here. It feels like they want to use us a proxy for their ex, and the purpose of posting such letters is to use us as the target of their hurt feelings and to receive validation from people they're generalizing as similar to their ex. I understand the urge to vent but there are whole subreddits dedicated to people venting about their BPD exes-- posting it here, *to* us, strikes me as odd at best and malicious at worse. Not to mention it can be straight up hurtful at times and I always find myself coming the OP's profile trying to work out if it was posted by someone I've met in the past. I guess I just hate to be addressed as someone's abusive ex just because of my disorder. 

Does anyone else feel this way? Like, I don't want to assume it's a malicious thing but I just don't understand what the OP ever hopes to gain from it. If someone could help me see alternate points of view or understand the purpose of it I'd appreciate it. Thanks.",5.608372093023256,5.497026658914732,6.348232558139538,80.18397674418605,67.29457364341084,9.36062015503876,31.92868217054264,9.029198982220553,2.5128942635658915,1010,38,205,16,15,333,139,258,0.16,0.705,0.136,-0.8836,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,3,0,7,3,13,11,2,0,13,0,13,0,0,2,2,44,34,20,0,9,13,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,15,8,0,1,11,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,3,5,22,5,43,27,3,27,1,2,2,0,21,11,1,10,7,135,37,2,0.0,0.09572421676508364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722464920815202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694730013615192,0.16556001439216508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049249491473738326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478525229295479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070141397188869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959436024954886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450510201590642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259357517591754,0.0,0.07070081708726021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498115811843509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308015572519146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255119011044405,0.057717162501126136,0.0,0.0,0.14768316387800112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591543164555534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900048124620721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797644636213722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054152556801151205,0.0,0.0,0.08024377018813084,0.0,0.0,0.1729770406242451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894087991319976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771242259661838,0.16803108350385002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637368300529193,0.0,0.5416286422575041,0.0,0.0,0.07730615088748577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438002937211577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053620554738502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438157030173248,0.0,0.0,0.053674002528790274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710992747833671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485183891979206,0.0,0.0,0.2523190853729878,0.2915451590603954,0.1395551036881495,0.0,0.0,0.09530534244632258,0.0641281974624801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020035373869348,0.0,0.0,0.08761447813123717,0.058816867240679964,0.0,0.08233301099226688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GOWhead92,2019/04/22,"To my BPD ex who ill never forget.. Im sorry i didnt listen to you when you warned me to stay away. I knew you had your problems but i didnt know to what extent they were.  I thought I could handle them but I was so wrong. Believe me when I say that I tried my best. You gave me plenty of chances to walk away but I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I had the best intentions and thought I could be the one to help you. 

I know now that I wasn’t ready but I just want you to know that I loved/love you with all my heart. I forgive you for all the lies and manipulation you put me through. I wasn’t an angel either but we went through so much to just pretend like we never shared a true love we shared. I know that you loved me. I know that you cared but I was losing my sanity trying to keep you together when you refused to get help. 

There are times that I feel like I wish I never met you but ultimately you changed my life for the better.

You taught me to respect and be more patient with people because you never truly know what someone is going through. 

When you got into drugs I thought it was my fault. 
But truth is i could never push you to do or not to do drugs. I tried to get you to go to therapy and counseling but you didn’t want to. I understand now that you weren’t ready. 

I left because I couldn’t go down that dark road with you...  i got to the point where i wanted to smoke meth to see your point of view but I was drinking instead...  I’m sorry that I left you during your darkest times but you were refusing to get help and it was only dragging me down... 

I still think about you and worry about you every day of my life. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you but I wish and hope you are doing well. I wish you all the happiness and sobriety in the world. 

To everyone suffering with BPD please understand that anyone who has left was only trying to keep their own sanity. I’m sorry ______ I did all I could in my power. I want to see you be happy, healthy and drug free real soon. I will forever and always love you Nicole ...",0.5325747126436795,2.52217687816092,2.2857471264367817,95.89229885057472,83.66666666666666,5.337931034482759,18.17241379310345,6.5355237356304725,-0.2176758620689654,1582,37,369,16,45,520,178,435,0.135,0.654,0.212,0.9903,2,0,6,0,0,0,39.0,3,35,3,5,20,25,0,0,11,0,36,11,1,2,11,87,83,29,0,15,18,1,1,2,0,2,6,2,0,0,17,18,1,4,17,2,1,7,17,5,1,1,27,6,97,21,48,46,11,40,1,2,3,3,59,15,0,2,19,267,114,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060058017969229625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046865339306291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356275298646742,0.0,0.0,0.08799828273544984,0.0,0.0,0.08132007873365436,0.15149306885839306,0.06383572422773341,0.0,0.0,0.1818117521244215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359045284668313,0.0,0.07635493141397197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305135762915077,0.0,0.0,0.09309789460545836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070712626661009,0.2511112799896625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060813219681123375,0.068969332790098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649545052546485,0.05156409774474849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113130341435376,0.0,0.12306154891021567,0.0,0.11545494933358005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367000427611113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553147677628871,0.14513851397154826,0.0,0.0,0.07168920698946664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796480743256096,0.0,0.0,0.12831054446775278,0.0,0.0,0.2380034015423029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352653726404043,0.0,0.10196314944583744,0.07052521419120811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074890769399265,0.0,0.0,0.19543084432438387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305925851312604,0.0,0.2783412645821689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048909794720802174,0.10978949869436183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003925371290538,0.0,0.0,0.07922995392623401,0.1364633978856626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690647590403429,0.0,0.07255899472964987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215455716113408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739897632853424,0.0,0.0,0.1150333101454454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061156327642345326,0.0,0.0,0.2423926497743744,0.0,0.07693232363183362,0.057641578317027785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426899976126698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254202566366445,0.0,0.0,0.0924977114413906,0.0,0.17190420938280299,0.0841753405737356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601695308456452,0.0,0.0,0.15028003707775744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029021457536206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489684141197741,0.06690988499264257,0.0,0.0,0.2490039937969875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330043336301964,0.0,0.0,0.07891549614802094,0.0,0.0
bpd,Paranoiadestroyer,2019/04/22,"DAE isolate themselves to avoid building an identity around their current situation which will inevitably change and make you feel more hollow? Hi there! I'm someone who has been told several times by psychiatrists that I could have BPD but no clear diagnosis so im not sure if what im feeling is related to that. 

I've been stuck in a psych ward for a couple months and a lot of attention has been brought to the fact I dont leave my room except for having a shower or going on leave. On one hand I want to socialise, on the other hand I dont. On one hand I want to do activities, on the other I don't. I've been wondering whether the 'donts' are because it can be easy to build an identity around a current situation and then when it inevitably changes, being like a hollow dissociative shell..can anyone relate?",6.563826388888887,6.3850571187500025,7.052083333333332,76.16680555555557,65.3125,10.111111111111112,34.02777777777778,9.725611199111238,3.101631944444444,649,26,125,12,9,213,104,160,0.067,0.7440000000000001,0.188,0.9638,3,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,1,12,0,20,3,3,1,3,24,31,10,0,4,6,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,7,5,9,2,19,20,2,17,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,4,7,86,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844097109362797,0.0,0.0,0.2506590987242848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582194911743005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731526632947697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978662235205159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240630953470318,0.15577723131703153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950010663141389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237144638061755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001203099713096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041464687006667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29814447520550985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878101657971834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119691376399092,0.0,0.0,0.09397586894147153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237418637773376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908007194409338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904831116985615,0.0,0.0,0.3164991319752935,0.0,0.0,0.11928767416766595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268930931721087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209355422740855,0.0,0.0,0.1345272290635373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660786742216221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267660759784227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fLuFFLet0n,2019/04/22,"Looking for affirmative wallpapers I am so uncreative lol sorry for that weird question. I am looking for a nice motivational, mental health related phone background! Please share <3",6.319310344827585,10.119223689655172,6.203034482758625,60.92041379310348,87.9655172413793,9.216551724137933,36.83448275862069,8.841846274778883,5.426484137931035,153,9,18,5,5,48,24,29,0.096,0.589,0.314,0.8129,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608080961149055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700870331725633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34207497089438443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726024125782953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802496930742321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799744987914768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mushroomboy31,2019/04/22,"Question for trans folks: did you semi/fully come out, go back in the closet and manage to convince yourself you're not trans, only to ""rediscover"" yourself as trans a couple of years later? Posting here because I'm so damn doubtful of myself and am wondering if my transness is possibly just my bpd unstable self image? All information can be found in detail in this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/b84feo/i_feel_like_18_yo_pret_me_is_just_waiting_in/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

But yeah would love other people's stories and input! Feel free to ask questions.",15.329999999999998,17.737873764705892,10.058823529411764,53.224705882352964,46.647058823529406,9.623529411764707,35.82352941176471,9.3871,3.5818705882352937,510,16,57,6,5,137,73,85,0.092,0.775,0.133,0.5944,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,1,2,1,6,1,0,0,1,18,14,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,6,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,4,11,10,1,11,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,5,3,36,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241725819510832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934205665531791,0.0,0.0,0.15909085799738018,0.0,0.1261223608270108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605792600858317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822326185030804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289273592460179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461323190941628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685164758045734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758421182108325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673242778844867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735432941316646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343618116427168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332450401930957,0.3962998602126023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635435033206177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158384710427512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22437073955231585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697354111431232,0.0,0.0,0.13323474725849832
bpd,Pammielou712,2019/04/22,"Anyone ever feel like the people around you, close friends and family, are conspiring against you? I fucking hate this. It makes me rethink every single relationship which leads me to ghosting and/or cutting people off before I think they're going to cut me off.

I have this constant reoccurring thought and I think it's destroying my fucking life. Tell me I'm not alone please. Planning on talking about this in therapy this coming week.",5.6383516483516525,8.380170307692307,5.245457875457877,77.30192307692309,70.28205128205127,7.534065934065935,31.655677655677657,8.418075326091056,2.8312908424908434,356,16,55,6,7,109,60,78,0.158,0.755,0.08800000000000001,-0.7018,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,3,8,6,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,14,13,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,1,11,2,9,12,1,12,0,0,0,2,6,6,2,0,4,35,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889695618742105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103102470468806,0.0,0.0,0.17955282821731375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162903893589648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737438505391872,0.0,0.2179624823172345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182446215586564,0.1699381717285726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014170142597792,0.0,0.10198391355084237,0.14409216521545146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583037272257394,0.3729307044062956,0.0,0.0,0.11462888464901648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913373721773614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246434649710976,0.09853882119104483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463411572528766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27966219631922784,0.0,0.0,0.2214024119585068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165467765759179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211617006386844,0.17629180892049814,0.0,0.2306577583888408,0.0,0.0,0.25847820677559336,0.0,0.16012465276540916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617889293161497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheBossJ,2019/04/22,"Dealing with parents moving away? I am a  34 yr old mom of 2 with BPD. 

I don't have any friends or a significant other, my kids and my parents are basically it. 

Tonight my dad informed me of him and my mom moving across province. This wasn't something that was sprung on me all of a sudden, it's been a plan for a year for them. However, tonight is really triggered me and I had an episode after I returned home from dinner. 

I am having all sorts of anger, abandonment issues coming up, I cried for a good hour and then wrote my parents an email basically splitting on them and telling them I need to start living my life like I have no one in it because basically pretty soon that's how it will be. 

​

Now I feel guilty because I know how much this is going to crush my mom. But really, how can I stand by and support this and be okay with it when they are literally leaving me here by myself? Who am I going to call next time I end up in the hospital with an episode? They will be 10 hours away. It seems easier and smarter to just distance myself now and get used to having no one. 

​

Does this make sense? 

​

Has anyone in here dealt with parents aka main support system moving away? And how did you deal?

​

I don't want to split on my parents, however, to protect my mental health it seems like the best option. 

​

Thoughts??",2.9689329643296425,4.98983994464945,3.8358902214022166,87.67285132226326,75.75276752767526,6.287884378843787,26.420817958179587,7.1686216300943375,1.249830135301353,1079,41,214,12,24,345,148,271,0.08,0.8,0.121,0.9097,7,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,5,2,11,10,1,0,11,1,25,3,0,7,2,40,42,18,0,2,3,9,1,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,15,16,1,2,6,0,0,6,5,2,0,2,7,1,36,8,35,30,5,38,0,1,0,0,26,12,0,5,20,155,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700267747003964,0.4149729636212558,0.046447806660541824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775845393408755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251636516201745,0.0,0.0,0.08327271781096231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167889634441489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602417148803344,0.0,0.06974413551207194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058836257480804774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502670855906954,0.0,0.1408330425449061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977167493649443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049543497788794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03453562113396433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052770074476778235,0.0,0.035685056213075377,0.0,0.07763537588256507,0.057288605905290266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260199537395925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851262912504831,0.0,0.13452772584215694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128970295074204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03753707738870311,0.0,0.0,0.07232211865962956,0.0,0.0,0.04824383105546516,0.06673796439366532,0.0,0.060312053023677537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045592217934221836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883250603809099,0.0,0.0,0.23998397054607745,0.0,0.21778314001743973,0.05020994187699653,0.050645181475731035,0.0,0.0,0.07264011527451843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167162059348556,0.0,0.09256661396954097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792072930498102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948784532637875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751221720561078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435943086130187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258233481869558,0.0,0.0,0.048344615900532316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501694908272667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596990928266772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054224280571041984,0.03982753506287783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058991130774922226,0.0,0.0,0.0402863798687226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149729636212558,0.04398434757453298
bpd,girlvomit,2019/04/22,"FP unfollowed me And i’m not freaking out yet but i can feel it coming on. We literally haven’t talked in over a year but holy shit i just had this weird feeling. I don’t know how long it’s been but it still happened. i feel weird, like i shouldn’t be upset since we haven’t talked in so long.",-0.7013461538461527,1.3633112307692308,1.1941346153846162,100.9727403846154,90.53846153846152,4.480769230769232,15.817307692307693,5.985473137389443,-0.8412692307692304,230,5,58,2,8,75,46,65,0.19699999999999998,0.701,0.102,-0.8052,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,1,0,8,1,1,1,0,16,15,6,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,3,8,1,5,11,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,6,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400891290468641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227815068888993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24646761189021865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531750081173789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616654450585372,0.0,0.0,0.4933097257256578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28609793805666217,0.23055673064221402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258293375794325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480426783941767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948394668558604
bpd,dubblecheeked,2019/04/22,"Snooping on BF’s phone: did it once, and promised not to again, and did. How to stop? The first time he was asleep and jealousy over IG likes and follows were eating me up and I snooped around numerous apps. I found texts between him and an ex-fwb about him visiting her before we got together officially and where she apologized for trying to kiss him, but while we were talking and I was planning on introducing him to my family, because we planned to make it official. I felt gutted, then woke him up to ask about it. He was so hurt and it was torture not knowing what was going to happen while we worked through it. I was hurt that he never said anything to me, but at the same time we were not together and I understood his side. They don’t speak anymore. That was around 3 months ago, I promised I would never do it again, but last night snooped again. 

I heard his phone notifications go off numerous times and asked who it was but he didn’t answer, and I’m sure he just didn’t hear me. But I felt dumb and possessive asking again. I should’ve just asked who it was again. That’s what I always do. Then after he fell asleep I was internally debating whether to look or not. I unlocked his phone and then waited a second and then locked it and put it down. And then I picked it up again and realized it was just a coworker of his who had texted. Then I scrolled a bit through some texts and clicked on two with female names I didn’t recognize. One was the mom of a girl on his sister’s sports team he coaches regarding the sport. The other was a classmate regarding school. I didn’t scroll any further up on those threads or take it any further and decided to just stop.

I don’t feel I was even looking for anything specific and I never have had any suspicions of him cheating. It’s not like I was even trying to catch him in anything because I think he’s messing around. I do feel like I lost some trust recently after an argument where I told him something wasn’t cool to joke about and it could be triggering to which he shut down and said “Stop, I don’t wanna fight” which led to a very long discussion where he eventually realized what he said and did was wrong. I never thought he’d reply that way to something so serious and it’s taking me some time to get over. However, with the snooping I feel like shit because he doesn’t do that to me and he trusts me and he’s a great partner. I should mention I do have trust issues due to being cheated on and he did admit to me he cheated multiple times on multiple girlfriends in the past but I know he has learned from it and changed because we’ve discussed this topic a few times.

I was debating whether to tell him or not that I snooped again. He’s very patient and supportive and understanding of me and my mental health. I’d feel horrible to not tell him because I promised I wouldn’t snoop again and did. At the same time I’m terrified of him breaking up with me. And I know me lacking trust and snooping is untrustworthy in the first place. 

But ultimately I know I’m going to tell him and we can discuss how to handle my jealousy and curiosity together, which is something I should have done a long time ago. 

Any advice if you’ve been in this situation before? How do I learn to trust again? What should I ask instead of snooping? How do I explain my paranoia and fears and jealousy?",4.042869022235757,5.300253135820896,4.6423545537618045,86.13314498933903,71.3731343283582,8.03655193420652,29.345111178799876,8.480668928828255,2.011114529393847,2651,105,548,43,49,846,261,670,0.145,0.7759999999999999,0.079,-0.9942,1,0,3,0,1,0,50.0,6,0,1,7,31,32,7,1,20,1,61,7,4,8,5,129,108,66,0,9,24,2,6,4,3,5,1,6,0,2,37,51,1,4,23,5,0,9,21,14,0,5,47,16,83,18,71,52,8,91,0,3,3,1,84,34,2,7,50,379,120,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886663438500462,0.12494236435049093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058640232578723625,0.0,0.0,0.19169966263385693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989153211977296,0.0,0.0,0.17398294151337962,0.1882111070451563,0.329419613945723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480228371750776,0.0,0.11993681465945474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693964276755881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745524259382288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626796464217694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211963942075443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211276519828302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930951724030206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643686331972813,0.07930313913958394,0.14253562000497774,0.10069365545873593,0.13533268907260604,0.0,0.0,0.1198907445947922,0.0,0.07727139207645672,0.0,0.0,0.03681989381711835,0.0,0.12015644361241287,0.0,0.05636470624750396,0.07769812400157416,0.0,0.0,0.062320158225044386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491084628306148,0.07942961656802097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088831273150044,0.0,0.0,0.07355682101849816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492324802902596,0.05744593060299349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377206608768075,0.0,0.0,0.12473501051679692,0.11836126342452165,0.0,0.07693098332900034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047042117944314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102148160719543,0.0,0.0,0.08253860533436551,0.056251884542509636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741638559856447,0.0,0.0,0.06613532197915016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505279030349614,0.047755184649531934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727565857736928,0.0,0.0,0.07363060538781725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084609966324579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958483285622864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011114883126182,0.0,0.0,0.07132371682505273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234081845809344,0.0,0.07921602462078614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627635926747795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675891905416075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997335874993346,0.06642115906092153,0.0,0.10597575062986092,0.05664454326261498,0.18479283701263727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045157062248556125,0.0,0.05594869294906278,0.32875287700410544,0.0,0.0,0.06734117861969485,0.0,0.09569479735529024,0.0,0.06884311485987309,0.07336619342561318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629729564509428,0.0,0.055939189841069915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051306102972228436,0.0,0.0,0.05006289458965173,0.0770525436013598,0.0,0.0
bpd,tgtr0848,2019/04/22,Feel like my therapist hates me I cant even not fuck up therapy. I want to kill myself so bad. He wants me gone i think. Im just a piece of shit with a drug problem. I want to die. So. SO. Badly. I feel like Im going to do it this time.,-4.165795454545453,-3.2380567678571417,-0.11883116883116784,104.982012987013,116.67857142857143,3.464935064935065,10.448051948051948,5.565023196281405,-1.55755,175,3,50,2,11,64,40,56,0.405,0.486,0.109,-0.9743,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,4,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,10,12,3,2,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,2,9,2,6,11,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261456754023187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269739680117796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22649362895696645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899815518754046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750575195838865,0.27905412188366685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055778759023847,0.0,0.0,0.1109972311832722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282481491488268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.421929245879964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607779549807973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083386093756896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688202189160533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047939941401394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335009723329086,0.22676599452794374,0.0,0.12514457137551122,0.0,0.0,0.11388483836340688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455906461963779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aster_petals,2019/04/22,"I think I want to break up... I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. We started dating my senior year of high school, and I'm currently about to graduate college. We were long distance my 4 years at college. I have had a lot of ups and downs myself, but overall our relationship has been fairly stable, surprisingly. 

He was my FP for years, but something in me changed about a year ago. I stopped feeling as attracted, and it was almost like a light switch turned off inside of me. 

I've been struggling to recognize whether this is a symptom of my BPD or a genuine sign. With that, I feel like if I break up with him I'm destined to be alone forever, and the guilt I feel over leaving him is enough to make me stay. He is not abusive. He is kind and tries his best, but it hasn't felt right. As I near graduation and realize we are going to be spending a lot more time together, I find myself very apprehensive and more scared than looking forward to it. I have no idea what to do, and the thought has been plaguing my mind for so long and causes all kinds of panic and anxiety. 
Has anyone else experienced something similar in a long time relationship? How can you tell it's the right time to leave when BPD fucks with every emotion I've ever experienced?",4.676782423812899,5.627743321285141,5.334401133947555,82.90558469170801,69.6024096385542,8.429104653909759,30.711315851641864,8.671277953709913,2.2743898417198207,993,40,200,16,17,321,146,249,0.113,0.763,0.124,0.5985,1,1,2,0,0,0,28.0,4,1,0,1,6,13,1,5,10,0,24,2,0,3,2,45,39,21,0,2,7,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,17,0,1,9,0,1,2,3,6,0,0,10,8,30,7,36,27,7,37,0,0,1,1,14,14,1,5,22,136,37,6,0.0,0.12753565151577928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541625534970098,0.0,0.1077857871465875,0.11148244892426196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234421042538041,0.0,0.0,0.0752643039675054,0.11028977313172647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296140888410912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711373111183131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057580329783173,0.11386871614349695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991930425106569,0.12108037243449213,0.0,0.1112207657372172,0.0,0.0,0.09736643023321744,0.09069123789920427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327786638491126,0.07689794883658138,0.10335116103205652,0.0,0.09838089649411827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951133076578399,0.0,0.0,0.06117422202487125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137274387071539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151231789850075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418073331859067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279501731728892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517481251025652,0.0,0.0,0.2857737087749829,0.09039038594424527,0.0,0.0,0.18302314647063614,0.0,0.0,0.07185045298765037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868558996005713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262922020390466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23112988719356,0.0,0.1838477317355249,0.0,0.0,0.10776629368467522,0.10893730100989968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573287052287652,0.0,0.0,0.07618805816770577,0.1147297857475372,0.0,0.08999175603078867,0.0,0.11252856939310887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118790456123394,0.0,0.0,0.0940819959392431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897128615661008,0.0,0.08545403795840388,0.18829703172883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308041005592182,0.11708127538965925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881417056126313,0.06348878764741064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34658275477582284
bpd,goodniteskye,2019/04/22,"The big sad I'm not sure what to do. This morning I woke up from a dream where my SO left and said they were sick of me. I've had a sour feeling ever since. They are at a friends house now and my thoughts are spiraling out of control. Their texts back are spotty and so far I've been left on read. I can't help it but something in my head keeps saying. ""They are sick of you they left bc they dont want to be around you"" or ""they are going to leave bc your episodes are too much"" 

My mom isnt helping either. She keeps saying I'm too mean and that they are really gonna leave me soon. 

I want to scream and cry and punch things. But most of all, I want a friend who knows what I'm going through to be there so we can validate each other when shit like this happens.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed somewhere to get this off my mind.",0.1291440138808575,2.0452681318681343,1.4369982648930026,101.82115962984386,84.71428571428571,4.49091960670908,16.721804511278194,5.399115186594226,-0.9386747252747254,648,13,162,3,19,205,115,182,0.179,0.738,0.083,-0.9293,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,3,8,1,14,7,1,0,6,0,17,4,2,1,3,32,37,13,0,4,6,1,1,1,2,1,2,4,0,0,10,10,0,3,4,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,6,25,4,20,28,5,22,0,1,0,0,22,13,1,2,7,106,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124302588725645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472606719813614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527550304372745,0.0,0.0,0.14960455370334622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962031673772542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319678536403444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886462548929205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044888127473144,0.0,0.07115661890502334,0.0,0.15480628143720768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204373855868794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977605497707987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257818010766508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715152293928966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421139474613022,0.0,0.0,0.07484958114140869,0.0,0.0,0.28842310939005994,0.4439309980890781,0.0,0.0,0.06653832728329898,0.0,0.0,0.12052888652453535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835701717757005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751880670166125,0.15951072846383418,0.0,0.0,0.10011949198151228,0.10098736726450476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043780866377752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623253145844852,0.0,0.08725043687827523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129553275396554,0.2166165344677796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980290317694608,0.11266246974622715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485008451406913,0.0,0.15245990762987768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283628118539161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904823546631912,0.0,0.0,0.10812415272527807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099521342477226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coffeeworld__,2019/04/22,"I want to talk to my doctor about BPD. Hey guys. I'm kind of new here, but I'm seeking some help. I am not officially diagnosed with BPD, but I feel like I exhibit many of the symptoms. At first, I didn't believe it. I didn't want to. When I read up on the symptoms of BPD, I just couldn't believe how accurately I was being described. It was kind of disturbing. I came to this sub and browsed a little, and reading all of your posts, it's so freaky how I went much of my life without seeing any of this or even thinking that there could be something up. 

Anyway, I want to talk to my doctor about this. I have an appointment on Tuesday. Things have been pretty bad for me lately, mentally and emotionally. I want to do something about it instead of sitting in this pathetic pool of misery I've made for myself. I want to stop hurting the people around me. 

How should I go about this? Talking to her about it, I mean. I don't want to seem like I'm desperate for diagnosis just to get on pills or anything.",2.1719309600863,3.9344991165048526,3.7665372168284783,88.44218985976269,77.25242718446601,6.713700107874867,25.522114347357068,7.594959193182576,1.2467149946062563,782,29,167,11,18,260,114,206,0.158,0.737,0.105,-0.9621,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,1,18,7,0,1,5,0,15,7,0,4,1,34,34,12,0,9,8,0,1,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,12,6,0,1,4,3,0,3,6,3,0,1,8,2,26,4,38,21,3,20,0,1,1,0,8,9,0,4,8,120,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356663087080102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902355319965606,0.0963038178056791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032642128224626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437653565405237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087496649353831,0.0,0.0,0.12372997714765685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637353927092888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980120077181947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145519697112945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168880153680747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145237597113037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469944599159145,0.07728436117608625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201850468851924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056519985479987725,0.0,0.061481622607171015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071159669533852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072511287406879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580974794554275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22530724193090296,0.0,0.0,0.12203261659180155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641127463755445,0.10570331614362967,0.10842554810213846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236325692797367,0.0,0.10967831754989738,0.0,0.11784056895568144,0.0,0.0,0.10902076820600838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952531078819061,0.0,0.0,0.10448165836615114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499892223604071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360727034484864,0.11005873117956587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216420083427823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620606465926937,0.0984837068016849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665656785132132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044396477640697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488247605966347,0.0,0.26085480680297884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187049427664187,0.06931786700103644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828469135582574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028465432711714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428239842984142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Immatureweenie,2019/04/22,"DAE feel like nobody understands? Yeah, I know. Everybody will a mental illness feels like nobody understands.. being someone who is diagnosed with depression, anxiety and BPD.. I truly feel like nobody understands my BPD. My roommate is extremely rude about it saying things like “you don’t act 21.. you’re wasting your life. Get out of your room and quit being alone.” I know she is trying to be supportive and helping me, but I also work well over 50 hours/week while also doing school. Being in my room is beneficial and gives me time away. I get to decompress. I don’t have many friends, if any at all. My roommate has a million. She loves driving. I don’t. We are very different. She even says things like “dude you don’t have BPD” which hurts even more. How do I get her to understand my situation and what I need?",1.8534615384615376,4.603803320512824,3.1096923076923098,86.6603076923077,86.30769230769229,6.70974358974359,22.54358974358973,7.908726449838941,1.5415958974358976,642,23,121,14,20,207,99,156,0.091,0.711,0.198,0.9506,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,4,0,2,7,12,1,0,2,1,19,4,0,1,1,22,35,11,0,2,2,0,3,5,1,1,3,2,2,0,6,8,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,3,1,1,0,5,25,9,11,30,2,11,0,2,0,1,16,7,0,1,7,80,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168847361411081,0.0,0.18050173648745574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674592092961792,0.0,0.0863344984003471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060318868327613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264143823608157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720267061496528,0.11454642101539815,0.0,0.11791045516624295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908059079514552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711900887919053,0.2418729552396872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719223262452387,0.0,0.17688773912488376,0.10826171774601268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564496924708143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081463638475895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404536533905527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971350015693904,0.2756786007029588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185690761410983,0.0,0.0,0.11441822721446453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373226090941442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368126231253271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003620225590565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949517383251232,0.0,0.11421625383487145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685482443476748,0.0,0.0,0.09562248635141443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806760289028005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499529666001587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580721623942343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662178691709212,0.0,0.0,0.4699481263295432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311798396801624,0.0,0.0,0.09052624154419954,0.0,0.10147105902856554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216048099018519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CuteCrypticCupcake,2019/04/22,"I thought it was okay this time So as we all know, sometimes BPD feels lonely and decides to bring a plethora of other illnesses with 'em. My BPD was apparently *very lonely* considering the amount of friends it brought along, one of them being the lovely psychosis.

I was on and off meds for a while until I found one that sit well with me, but we have yet to find an antipsychotic that hasn't landed me in the ER. Because of this, I guess my weird ass thoughts creep up and I'm not always aware of how powerful they are, I get the common ""I don't need my meds"" and drop em, go through terrible withdrawels that make me physically ill, chicken out midway and start taking them again.

​

This time however, I have been off them for over 2 months and have felt 0 of the backlash; or so I thought.

Thought everything was okay, got bit in the ass.

​

Idk when they started because I was trying the techniques my therapists gave me such as ""Contradict your thoughts cause if you comply you give them more power."" so I ignored them for a while. But a series of fuckery went on and suddenly my head is louder than a motherfucker. I started recognizing some patterns so I stopped and analyzed myself and I am fucked, like next level fucked.

​

I don't want to go into detail (paranoia I guess), but my thoughts are loud, uncontrollable and self destructive. My ED voice gets louder by the day, and my self harm one is right by it's side. I wish that was it.

​

I can't bring myself to take my meds, and idk how to talk to my therapist/psychiatrists about it. I've been so close to being hospitalized, and my brain has a lot of stuff to say about that (among other things). Do I mention it to them knowing it might land a trip to IP? Is the thought of 'tough it out, you ain't even sick, stop attention seeking' just my brain being sneaky? Or maybe I should just wait and see?",3.7642276422764236,5.568082970189704,4.172853658536585,87.05293902439026,72.95663956639568,7.196422764227643,27.205149051490515,7.908726449838941,1.5574407588075891,1492,55,300,21,30,468,200,369,0.192,0.743,0.065,-0.9953,4,4,0,0,0,0,63.0,2,4,8,2,17,17,3,1,17,2,29,11,5,4,1,65,69,33,0,5,9,0,2,1,1,2,3,3,0,2,20,23,0,4,15,0,0,7,6,11,2,3,21,6,51,6,46,43,6,45,0,2,1,5,23,18,4,8,19,208,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116663954103808,0.3185944609135982,0.35729330058798736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962265859435017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025444628415461,0.0,0.18516784740077066,0.16412409830850402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551555109409512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474082025507332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048553003654460455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606651333384934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716912649902309,0.0,0.07058162499194214,0.0,0.06718728143329848,0.0,0.0,0.08060048840409514,0.056794043633437576,0.1359185781837737,0.07681242293940425,0.07051798694014144,0.08355544253235861,0.0,0.058793076327744234,0.0,0.1619602458172597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544299895721245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079891613660216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0359135257943267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062496013397609185,0.06634611227715839,0.0,0.04906884139117247,0.0,0.07385119552666868,0.0,0.2449608402536468,0.0,0.0,0.07798304252146637,0.0,0.0,0.058675393906336235,0.0,0.0,0.05450711743493529,0.0,0.0,0.07817926954517368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943788780606582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277758047125923,0.0,0.058458514180584877,0.0,0.0,0.058578365177517626,0.0,0.15337500404328178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270378167607218,0.0,0.15609336837897778,0.0,0.0,0.12291616878036506,0.0,0.0,0.0841519555427733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054152164498006,0.05908496960784944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707027537721881,0.0488371215629216,0.0,0.0,0.4085139790107944,0.08572914806738577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990881616922067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065387575647178,0.04335840793827818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066094783681208,0.06814498638922997,0.0,0.0,0.08453346751393291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35729330058798736,0.0
bpd,thatquietbpdbitch,2019/04/22,IS BPD CONSIDERED A CHRONIC ILLNESS? ive heard people say it is idk,0.23714285714285666,2.6518669999999998,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,93.28571428571428,5.6571428571428575,28.42857142857143,7.1686216300943375,2.121114285714286,54,3,10,1,2,19,13,14,0.326,0.674,0.0,-0.5904,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7665870816898415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219688224275261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840315682735777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vyleplume,2019/04/22,"BPD and college I'm extremely close to paying off my college debt and reapplying to go back to get my bachelor's however... i'm terrified. I'm always so unsure of what the right path for me is and once I think I have it figured out I get this overwhelming sense of doubt that worsens. 

How did you decide on your path and hold on to it? What was the hardest part of your BPD to overcome in school?",2.3481184668989563,4.0455685853658565,3.944425087108016,87.64743902439025,76.5609756097561,7.612543554006969,26.34843205574913,8.418075326091056,1.765579790940767,312,12,66,6,7,104,56,82,0.177,0.823,0.0,-0.9334,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,11,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,14,9,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,43,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263425000241319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916665293103234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6851995437260879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842385321716281,0.0,0.15459528180151322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896925104837297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29457124158697634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323036644803355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752988463257397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742994854149334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KeyloloSoloDolo,2019/04/22,"I'm afraid to open up Does anyone else feel scared to start relationships with people? The other night I went out with some friends and this girl seemed like she was really into me. She was all over me and we ended up sleeping together and cuddled all night. My friend said she was really into me, but I didn't feel it. I got this vibe that I love her, and she would be perfect for me. I found her IG and debated on whether I should follow her or not, because in my mind I felt she didn't even notice me. It took me all day, but I requested to follow her and she accepted me and followed me back. I'm trying to figure out how to dm her but I'm so anxious idk what to say. I hate myself because she would be perfect for me, but I'm afraid she doesn't like me. I never got a vibe from a girl like her before, and I'm scared to start a conversation because the rejection will hurt so much when it comes. I hate myself 😭",2.780131868131871,3.604281610256411,4.304706959706959,89.00826923076927,73.92307692307693,7.417582417582418,23.159340659340657,7.7094869923839395,0.8275494505494505,714,18,162,9,14,239,99,195,0.142,0.715,0.14300000000000002,-0.1881,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,6,17,2,4,5,0,12,3,1,1,6,43,36,18,0,3,7,0,3,3,2,4,0,2,0,2,8,17,0,0,7,0,0,6,5,8,0,0,12,5,40,9,21,18,5,25,0,2,0,2,25,10,0,3,12,113,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723840872140102,0.0,0.09732075451729234,0.1426105520268239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702397674588787,0.0,0.2545359950068677,0.0,0.11843541235905065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989477253405573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897622260337537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180093835554573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627045058653365,0.0,0.12327579500427845,0.0,0.0,0.09192978122267884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407513195933599,0.0,0.13363855694753324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260817473130375,0.2150665710871441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226364689065434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748309543443896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899945099640755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039949531878766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256190786881244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053625772765374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231632360801746,0.0,0.10734735350064784,0.0,0.0,0.2612296867259437,0.0,0.0,0.15846201320113107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649272567061502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832978889319506,0.0,0.0,0.14943162845753125,0.0,0.0,0.13239594596025442,0.11068477776308144,0.27869511734148905,0.0,0.0,0.12670797152967112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928461080348384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970304358169497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463864936495675,0.0944968633490063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902504930009268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774477357759915,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emmysobes,2019/04/22,"Extremely worried about messing up my infant daughter I can’t stop reading actual studies, papers, and just articles online about parents with BPD. I wasn’t diagnosed until after I had her. It seems like my symptoms just got a million times worse when she came. I’m constantly thinking she deserves better. I know I physically take care of her really well, and I think I almost overcompensate because I think I’m failing her emotionally. There’s nothing good online or in studies about mothers with BPD and it’s completely destroying me and stressing me out. I have massive guilt going on inside of me. I keep telling myself that I need to leave my husband and give him full custody before she realizes who I am (she’s four months old). I really do think she’ll have a better chance of being mentally healthy and thriving without me. I’m extremely self aware but I find myself being destructive anyways. I want to give up custody because I’m terrified of becoming worse and messing her up and then having her struggle like I do, and I wouldn’t wish this hell on anyone. 

If there are any parents here, I’d love some advice. I’m going out of my mind and I feel like my husband wants to be blind to it all. He says I’m being too hard on myself but actual evidence (studies) have showed I’m not. I can’t be responsible for messing up an innocent child, and at the same time, my heart absolutely breaks when I think about not taking care of her everyday.",4.5105865102639315,6.333915896057353,5.639063212772889,77.22101906158359,71.04301075268819,8.513587487781036,31.3198110133594,9.095868883498916,2.959736917562724,1161,52,202,24,22,385,156,279,0.16699999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.126,-0.9192,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,14,20,3,3,4,0,19,5,1,0,1,47,50,19,0,6,9,6,2,3,0,2,3,1,0,3,6,16,0,2,10,2,0,3,7,10,1,2,4,4,45,10,31,39,4,28,1,1,1,1,28,12,1,5,15,138,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.2071262445855181,0.0,0.0,0.10370455335206644,0.0,0.0,0.10626930004610992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216893953334662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420537635641028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938616844489492,0.11720721247410702,0.09030493435465928,0.0,0.0,0.1877186579324934,0.0,0.0,0.2673225573770809,0.0,0.0,0.12137923313239232,0.2164039213488264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127050647195473,0.11468390069344905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771508937397137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937683778693962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366021202204526,0.07581603673526446,0.0,0.0,0.0969967310636256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361038781340549,0.12062706832779685,0.08901298538690543,0.08487821044860888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506755057690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575915935526966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943291687274764,0.0,0.0,0.058323767322800577,0.0,0.0,0.11237151942643403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554259059330436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578235452275992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694948423499484,0.0,0.10715644312590106,0.0,0.08470831504673047,0.0,0.0,0.0786906702891181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183022350316873,0.0,0.1113607988138289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23567948775471045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615416072359228,0.0,0.13597335086451096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439521078081755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661261630524967,0.11071198076259424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872562122041318,0.12156633487471134,0.11094535393922196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030496860296418,0.15958624932617232,0.0,0.09275831368942096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34000448932913685,0.0,0.0,0.123765196954148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251910702269255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954195172162051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203902047242185,0.10230113867648488,0.0,0.0,0.10777553746933324,0.21630178322757448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ninsupreme,2019/04/22,"How do you guys keep yourselves afloat I find my happiness by trying to give people what I can’t give myself, I tried hobbies and changing my lifestyle but it only holds for a couple weeks maybe. The only thing that works and makes me feel most is helping others through stuff. :/ idk what to do because I have trouble with people because of my own r/mentalillness I don’t know if it’s better to worry about making myself happy somehow or doing what makes me undeniably happy by helping others
16m 
I want to help and make an impact on anyone",5.425768194070081,6.3194259433962285,6.011940700808626,78.93103773584906,67.86792452830188,7.18921832884097,28.350404312668466,6.868970318607317,1.6038668463611858,434,14,75,3,7,141,77,106,0.099,0.6759999999999999,0.225,0.9484,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,5,0,20,17,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,14,4,12,17,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,1,56,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457091987595107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233221523629695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226745622579206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582072212792922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547752621271364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756184795146465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668871300599986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28692968886354364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480809614415703,0.0,0.4776057797502997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007266272240097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292955887169886,0.0,0.0,0.08219040585796221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39931109789662,0.0,0.1502460682311791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274835585917777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736240968869848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120238019303186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935635362744266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307331102826234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821022152765816,0.0,0.11996237848913972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887634954536447,0.1518783091829118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,disgruntledpelican83,2019/04/22,"The “borderline” girl Everyone loves a borderline girl. Exciting, adventurous, dramatic, sexual.... until she goes “crazy”. Then she’s not so hot anymore. Then she becomes baggage.  A problem they wish would just go away.  And for that borderline girl. When she’s left alone and abandoned, she’s feeling like it’s all her fault. Another person has seen her for who she is - although strong, beautiful and exciting she’s a mess. And for some it’s too much of a risk to take. We just want to be loved, for who we truly are , the good and the bad. Like everyone else.",2.855584415584417,5.458958904761907,3.8660606060606066,84.34636363636366,79.0,8.38961038961039,26.688311688311693,9.095868883498916,2.571,435,18,83,12,11,140,68,105,0.156,0.546,0.298,0.9584,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,1,1,5,15,0,1,7,0,5,2,0,0,1,18,13,11,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,3,12,9,9,10,3,7,0,1,1,2,20,2,0,1,6,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185868190490708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213070283942605,0.0,0.0,0.2093074442941084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982908429768272,0.0,0.17622008564248084,0.0,0.2330909891021011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630734592760167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033395624662168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067145240606259,0.1507760027679872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994604289059607,0.1770208877832348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293092418167625,0.0,0.0,0.20621925632722712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809663805317509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514792769271718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428296905653813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194881236524004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868527165403615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448427775889302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427000471259616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992569489774962,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emoenby,2019/07/29,"can't get over partner with BPD this is.. super weird for me. idk who to talk to about how I’ve been feeling, and i know this probably isn’t the right place either.. but  a few months ago i split with my partner with BPD and i just can’t get over the feeling that its not over. 

i didn’t initiate messaging her in the last 3 days before she broke up with me, and i think she thought i was going to leave her or something, which culminated before she ever confronted me, and then i found out through social media that she had decided to end things with me.

 i thought i had been loving and that we were good together; i didn’t expect her to forget literally everything we ever did and instead villainize me entirely. 

 i never got to talk to her in person, we never had an actual discussion; but she confronted me thru text with accusations and i flipped out. i regret how i responded, i completely took her words out of proportion and i let my anxiety and emotion take over.. in hindsight i would’ve done everything different, i would’ve remembered her abandonment issues, rather than feeling like i deserved to be shown the same level of care i was trying to give.. idk

the last month i’ve been really trying to move on and date other people but i’m the type of person who will stay in love with someone forever if i don’t get closure, and i think she might know that. the last time i saw her we were still together. i feel pathetic.

 she hates me, she’s even been gossiping about me to my friend, and i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what i’m even looking for here. venting, i guess.",4.29661234991424,5.246409015723273,5.372429959977134,82.29005145797602,70.47798742138366,9.178044596912523,28.29102344196684,9.457814108942452,2.3777119496855352,1249,44,253,27,22,413,159,318,0.128,0.767,0.105,-0.5346,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,4,0,0,1,13,16,4,0,9,0,27,2,0,2,4,64,57,20,0,4,9,0,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,4,14,26,0,1,15,0,0,3,11,9,0,0,21,6,57,7,42,32,3,36,0,3,2,2,36,16,0,4,17,184,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.10220567662898287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284073568757348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012153744124725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824253874005028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381864750735656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678371179317192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981203686257436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754503037786673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942516749803297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717966505840436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781211506304275,0.09276360097496404,0.0,0.0,0.13835218086016576,0.18947654109867626,0.0,0.0,0.18825706987389573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118274596729217,0.074822283862306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483587532979148,0.08091754582758591,0.0,0.16415822036136335,0.10047079015410164,0.05952297915160015,0.08784625452404428,0.08376567583038019,0.0,0.11537676114198488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340354723928856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931551381626636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302371721056146,0.2561175700730968,0.0,0.11089861837439596,0.0,0.10709803081584247,0.0,0.0511679426816105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795052687187363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890537893487258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110665860900593,0.0,0.0,0.16719601463884154,0.1113161034769912,0.0,0.0,0.16155526825857264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260965302057022,0.18290009508946106,0.10942516749803297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129214088201558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670955453106743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864367046099206,0.08944261439657973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676354209527587,0.08874112622862247,0.08062966614317796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116329463469394,0.08364103559917785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874724241586242,0.16836310394880388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958088858157083,0.13421916264958306,0.0,0.16629484614451304,0.061071477074916565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636378385960007,0.14221557970546764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880064063184814,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fate_Fell_Short293,2019/07/29,"Tips for moving on from a lost friendship Does anyone have advice on how to get over the loss of a friendship? My “best friend” cut off contact with me almost six months ago now. I was in a pretty deep depression (I was and still am in treatment but at that point there wasn’t much improvement, I was still *extremely* depressed which I understand can be annoying to people) and she got tired of dealing with a sad person all the time. She basically ghosted me, not even telling me whether or not the friendship was over. I’m still devastated. It’s been *six months* and I feel like it was yesterday. I never expected this from her, she was the only person I truly trusted—I have extreme trust issues but I honestly thought we would be friends for the rest of our lives. We were extremely close. She always said she accepted me even with my flaws and she wouldn’t abandon me... and then like a switch was flicked, it was over. I feel like I should be over it by now but I feel like I’ll never have a friendship like that again and it hurts so much. Does anyone have tips on how to get over this? I’m doing DBT, I’m on meds, I’m trying desperately to fix my life but this is still causing me ridiculous amounts of pain and making things so much harder. It makes trying to find reasons to live ***so much harder.*** 

Sorry for the shitty formatting. If you read this thanks so much for your time.",1.336273078574493,3.918429832116793,2.3244740231859176,92.75091455560327,86.44525547445255,5.267325032202662,20.83254615714899,6.794906146795322,0.4684571919278661,1090,35,222,14,34,343,142,274,0.16399999999999998,0.647,0.18899999999999997,0.8187,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,2,0,3,16,23,3,0,12,0,25,3,0,6,3,44,42,21,1,5,9,0,3,5,2,3,3,1,0,2,14,13,0,1,8,1,0,1,6,11,0,2,15,4,32,12,33,21,9,33,0,7,0,0,20,16,0,3,21,161,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067350029781506,0.09132423318619262,0.0,0.10316328515991303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572391441367634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407303705084012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811694514906954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583364865988107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621284026780783,0.17746820560396215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031334828387088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360922738614535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627553071779993,0.2208003086692253,0.0,0.0,0.09416173271071147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159191604187212,0.0,0.10765119057336477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239740945478713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102889282478074,0.0,0.0,0.10752990484931488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276863766068749,0.2516607119981379,0.0,0.18194350809355914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124624637496404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753814796292602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443602952072784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446495943400166,0.10949781597510293,0.3786711158169351,0.0,0.15891635155233444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835411413691569,0.10962440756408297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142361415934619,0.17991252234295282,0.0,0.0,0.09739063189650624,0.0,0.0,0.1048120708441196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305151110327718,0.0,0.0,0.10592545168753484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979990656788604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532652073427074,0.0,0.0,0.3290992206136232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900471948337133,0.09485031817358064,0.0,0.0,0.06844432292641113,0.0,0.0,0.08178925551640283,0.12014781597990733,0.11841050895815068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989256620539756,0.0,0.0,0.10725123365824447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318503188647513,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LaHawks,2019/07/29,"I didn't blow up today The hardest thing about living with BPD for me is the angry mood swings. If something annoys me it infuriates me to the point that I will blow up. I've been trying so hard to work on it but finding people who understands what I'm struggling with makes it even harder. Today was a small victory.

I came home to a dog who had an accident in her kennel. The stress from work and added annoyance from the dirty kennel almost pushed me over the edge. But I was able to divert my anger and turn it into a positive. I attacked the cleaning that I had to do and took out my anger in a positive way. I pushed my dog through some of her obedience exercises and was able to back myself off the cliff. I've been struggling with BPD for my entire life and today I realized how far I've come. It may not be an exciting story but it's my little victory for today.",3.066097366320829,4.484757832402238,4.624361532322427,84.68096368715086,74.02793296089384,7.795849960095771,23.958898643256184,8.418075326091056,1.4333300877893058,688,20,141,12,14,231,104,179,0.23399999999999999,0.7170000000000001,0.048,-0.9887,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,5,3,14,0,13,2,0,2,0,25,20,11,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,12,12,0,0,3,1,0,5,2,8,0,0,10,1,20,1,26,7,1,24,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,4,5,100,32,2,0.28207540609424103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122888674769565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045074807999607,0.0,0.10844928790537932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552640994579896,0.0,0.0,0.16130955941310246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149149284340495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315407270436617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289059054716426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126342079302123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147231566766902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961910064258753,0.0,0.1413568303872537,0.12453887572111012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414376195966546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977777849899358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332621679386802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857771428441468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155821232381898,0.2948864595864805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936991829613908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.534749005531634,0.0,0.1566980775354487,0.09575534241102128,0.1534085209193136,0.0,0.14682522283379776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194916391409553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535425513847985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,t4kyon,2019/07/29,"impulsive writing about my current state it's like there isn't ever enough to obsess over. i have been single for a month and my brain instantly switches to super crazy obsessive sicko who is ready to die for everyone who gives me the slightes bit of attention. it's comical even. i have turned into a melancholic maniac poet who is suddenly writing super deep shit at 1 am (excuse the edge).  i fall in ""love"" in the matter of seconds. what i crave is a new obsession, something to fill my soul with life, with unreal feelings to confuse myself and kill my ego, to occupy my mind. something that will take up every second of my time and mind until i am satisfied which is realistically impossible (as long as i am allowing myself to give into every impulse). nothing is enough, it's a constant craving for something that doesn't exists. it's so sick i am laughing tbh because i have come to terms with it . it's just that i feel like i will never change and i'm saying this half laughing half crying. everything i can't have is my ultimate goal until i have it and get bored with it instantly. 

nothing i feel is real but at the same time so powerful.

thanks for coming to my ted talk, good night.",5.0146834763948505,6.090622042918457,6.1940960300429175,76.59140155579402,68.91416309012875,9.086802575107297,30.013143776824034,9.354420925462401,2.7418242489270384,948,36,171,19,16,318,134,233,0.105,0.7659999999999999,0.129,0.8685,2,1,3,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,7,18,3,4,8,0,22,5,2,1,2,30,35,12,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,17,13,0,0,4,1,0,4,4,9,0,4,1,4,24,9,33,32,6,28,1,1,0,1,11,9,1,1,16,125,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153141909402266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460179601180594,0.0,0.0,0.14930678081293575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148744087934462,0.2304237782886354,0.0,0.14453385988869658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691568089949691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880910309727645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763944663601735,0.0,0.08833916224562835,0.12098254470432912,0.2253765844583304,0.1278017570695007,0.1202039009149071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028807230769854,0.09554945693817797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987770664833508,0.25660615906995343,0.0,0.11218131124241124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797212724811304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447002840506667,0.13068484102594252,0.0,0.0,0.11836259654851827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071261375567105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700943069302971,0.0,0.1067562200478159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315455069519,0.12917446123595608,0.0,0.1255132524636359,0.0,0.2566692476842543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522342805376115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106361620912049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729019741401138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088967784222543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056170247437854,0.1075014174944113,0.0,0.12313700709733914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597883859464484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454792026362786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lghwrd,2019/07/29,"BPD & Intimacy Issues This is my first time posting in this group so...here it goes.

I (27F) was diagnosed with BPD last fall and placed on Lamictal by my psychiatrist. I've been on psych meds (currently Lexapro, roughly 2 years) for years now, but one thing I've started to notice is my decline in libido. I don't know what to do - I've spoken to every possible clinician (endocrinologist, therapist, psychiatrist, couples therapist) that might be able to help but I have no definitive answer. My psychiatrist lowered my Lexapro from 15mg to 10mg, the Lamictal dose is the same (100mg) but I can't help feeling like I'm failing my partner because I can't figure this out. We've gotten into many arguments about this and I'm at my wits end. 

If any of you have had experiences like this, I appreciate your support/stories if you feel inclined to share!",3.9538212094653815,6.079178865030677,5.456235758106924,76.68130368098161,73.23312883435581,8.828921998247152,31.27475898334794,9.424239791934726,3.148434180543384,677,32,124,17,14,228,108,163,0.12,0.795,0.085,-0.5632,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,14,2,0,0,0,17,21,7,0,2,5,0,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,3,16,3,19,15,1,19,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,3,11,72,25,2,0.15978760011407414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312979796504518,0.0,0.10866104742785347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740503793465544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024937774271196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680194031749605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621810506132266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415243862286656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462794467879058,0.0,0.0,0.15630293374812804,0.0,0.0,0.16158682339573371,0.11415229344856676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591525102949814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142045203568204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667767403972785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781508621594178,0.13024822065986472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612830046459447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199954686013487,0.0,0.0,0.1774880021908187,0.0,0.0,0.16950939269597004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819192417949562,0.0,0.0,0.10827621317289088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694403306214525,0.0,0.0,0.18013651060053015,0.15303235153698502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309848578300602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813250750407212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710514387212859,0.1061557814299349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317343460435816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057959512624172
bpd,tiredoldmare,2019/07/29,"I know I'd be happy if I could feel loved, but I'm always second guessing people's affection So ultimately I never feel loved, test all my relationships, and push people away.",6.6026470588235275,6.842855735294122,8.045882352941177,67.65647058823532,65.17647058823529,10.329411764705883,28.764705882352942,10.125756701596842,2.8923999999999994,141,4,24,3,2,49,27,34,0.0,0.619,0.381,0.9408,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,11,9,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,1,7,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324616142713901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624811440508795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230574695440722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825198576169408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077620453974051,0.0,0.0,0.2973989024864121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535366877878873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042920283443574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547051291723154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387365620390514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29994320847050143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdbitch666,2019/07/29,"am I darker than I thought? so, I have wondered this for a long time. I will try to summarise. I first watched a horror movie (Saw) at 10/11? I don’t think it scared me much but I don’t really remember. by 14, I had watched mainstream horrors, slashers, etc, but I wanted more. I literally googled “the most fucked up films ever” and watched some. pseudo-snuff, pure torture-porn. dark, dark, dark storylines and content. I think I desensitised myself to it. I think there may be a correlation between watching gore whilst recovering from self-harm? but I’ve watched such dark, disgusting, disturbing, depraved things. 
so I haven’t watched one in a long time now, but instead I am OBSESSED, with creepypastas. slightly embarrassing to admit tbh but I am o b s e s s e d ! if I’m not listening to music (usually Lil Peep) I’m listening to creepypastas. I even need to listen to them to get to sleep. I used to listen to metal to get me to sleep at 13/14 and now creepypastas? it’s weird. they’re just so relaxing, despite them being “scary” and apparently true stories. I take comfort in them.
I just wonder, why do I like such dark things? why does it interest me so much? why doesn’t it effect me negatively? is there something wrong with me? this can’t be normal, surely? I don’t like silence, which I don’t think is weird, but constantly filling it w dark stories and songs that connect me with my darker side (when I was in active addiction)? 
I can’t stop, and I don’t know if I want to, I don’t think I do. I’ve always thought I’ve been misdiagnosed and there’s more too me, does reading this make anyone think so? do I have the dark triad or any of them? I worry I’m more fucked up than I think and a bad person. to clarify, I’m not asking for a diagnosis, just reassurance that it’s all in my head and I’m just weird or a suggestion to see a psychologist or anyone who can relate.
I could write so much more about this but I’ll leave it at that. well done if you’ve made it this far. I didn’t think there was anyone else I could share this with in such detail than this community 💖",1.6564652267579945,3.8865705510688855,3.475878031265537,87.58057725238912,81.0190023752969,6.671623487819699,23.56741976467989,7.8205782467293705,1.2253538198088716,1626,58,342,29,43,544,200,421,0.14800000000000002,0.741,0.11,-0.9579,1,0,1,0,0,0,67.0,0,0,4,2,26,22,3,4,10,0,34,6,3,4,5,67,71,29,0,9,19,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,0,1,23,13,0,1,16,4,0,1,14,12,1,2,10,13,49,10,40,54,11,26,0,0,8,2,16,12,2,11,15,219,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684876767825746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155476720079056,0.0,0.0,0.06665228236256507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055991564948458,0.10042602371716958,0.0,0.0,0.09162903605694572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183686088163428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591736252308584,0.0,0.15651100125138487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715438829767212,0.10030145081141167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187738468337849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931053698731363,0.06473674113291747,0.08865847806376899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336990948860372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812230994740698,0.10241561933035144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100589737527708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386544728500019,0.0,0.0,0.10378174171258778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576851883618104,0.0,0.0,0.17347705316190204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274238365349796,0.06542451843843229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615276138990766,0.07267548628709344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603204708322287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641622646183777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855812755200413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803964337373552,0.0,0.06278971420536021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102975802680393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981282312781854,0.0,0.07810376654499906,0.0,0.10224905964286256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961678070688123,0.0,0.0,0.07545528798017415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194335674898533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237620531514686,0.0,0.07369366807971367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302311230339395,0.5024227957088725,0.0,0.1556229376315562,0.11430447651561625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665444744797037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465186599730931,0.10794760408495364,0.0,0.11562135478215205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812556545126246,0.0,0.2653247865059157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258209456138946,0.0,0.09953708065592376,0.0,0.0,0.10716195995985324,0.0,0.0
bpd,yungdeathIillife,2019/07/29,i need help my boyfriend is in honduras visiting family right now and he comes back in 11 days. i was facetiming him and i brought up something he did that made me upset but i did it as calm as possinle bevause im trying to improve for him and he started bringing up things ive donw before we started dating and getting progressively more and more angry and he told me if i ever do this again hes going to kill me and himself and he kept repeating it and i domt even know what i did wrong i was just trying to talk through it with him and he doesnt have anywhere to go other than my house so hes gonna be living with me again.  i dont know what to do hes choked me with a belt so hard i passed out before and hes hit and kicked me so many times i have chronic pain in my head and my chest. he blames me for all his anger because he says its because of the time i pushed him away from me so he wouldnt hurt me and he hit his head on my dresser really hard but i was scared i disnt know what to do i didnt mean to hurt him i felt terrible about it he just keeps getting more and more mad at me every day and i really feel like im going to be dead before the years over i just wanted to have a future with him and be happy but i cant hes going to kill me. i finally got to a point where im hsppy with my life and i dont think about suicide constantly but now im going to die,0.05453763440860372,1.7067494645161323,2.485806451612902,95.64537634408606,83.38709677419354,5.423655913978496,19.04301075268817,6.42735559955562,-0.15710537634408572,1074,27,262,10,30,369,148,310,0.204,0.708,0.08800000000000001,-0.9928,0,0,1,0,0,4,4.0,1,0,0,1,18,14,4,2,5,0,28,6,3,1,2,49,57,29,5,4,8,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,12,26,0,2,7,0,0,11,6,11,0,0,13,5,54,3,37,37,5,42,0,2,0,0,31,13,0,1,19,173,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407696347400699,0.07699504349682973,0.0,0.12207862576187074,0.0,0.2556139288619857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625453386226198,0.0,0.10820672071783202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915323664809855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392082425188454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347070516253977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661359979240928,0.09057479290067567,0.08436521777527324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439519023768864,0.0,0.05062956126204362,0.07153405720716187,0.09614206851479402,0.1096893073857689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462928885344633,0.0,0.2845355672119711,0.0,0.08008441252440435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065919831597527,0.17939654707247465,0.0,0.2055278828033192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711612158778686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553845826570852,0.2143859639548096,0.0,0.4326373766983385,0.0,0.0,0.0890015944201516,0.22156162797410034,0.0,0.16508917721885433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072593223279823,0.04891925707179688,0.0,0.08841806468622754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947469703516529,0.0,0.10151775757224343,0.0,0.10907270077311007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424633563723901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654711520903763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946567567162645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282937736953376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551186578022033,0.0,0.07962869197563087,0.10024923075420332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708622154724343,0.0,0.0,0.14174736761973514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952775231334576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048201209423694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652300634766861,0.06416030601887013,0.0,0.0,0.11677511856875615,0.0,0.0,0.09568006448535447,0.0,0.13596560929792334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906023029606119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094782195924105,0.0,0.06448148743170473
bpd,punchmyowneyeY,2019/07/29,"My mother threw me against a wall.  I found out recently that as an infant my mom was frustrated that I was crying and she picked me up out of my crib and threw me in anger. My sister then grabbed me and hid with me. I feel like I remember the fear and feeling devastatingly upset and confused. I grew up labeled as the shy child when I think instead I had CPTSD and have never been able to express my feelings or emotions. When I'm shown pictures of me as a toddler, etc. I always had a bright red face and my continence was always fearful. My mother destroyed me before i had a chance. My question is what the fuck am I supposed to do now. These issues I have are so deeply ingrained that I was formed around them. How am I ever supposed to be able to open up to anybody or feel like I am worth anything. Neither one of my parents thought I was worth anything and I honestly truly deeply don't think I am worth anything either. I never should have been here.",3.0263795336787567,4.747854160621763,3.9713698186528497,88.07446405440416,74.75129533678756,6.068523316062176,27.606541450777197,6.6274283507984215,1.2010727979274605,755,30,151,6,16,243,107,193,0.171,0.7170000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9325,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,9,12,4,4,8,0,23,2,1,2,3,33,35,18,0,1,3,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,13,0,0,10,0,3,3,4,8,0,1,14,7,36,4,20,19,4,20,0,0,2,1,11,9,1,4,10,118,41,0,0.2966905210954059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468702809334806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662265287861879,0.13205873290907766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623089058138104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629503029548566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686845138996506,0.0,0.0,0.1654441788093667,0.0,0.13418678109184345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338593211071149,0.3000312840370951,0.2119557675521272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265292130643194,0.0,0.13714280297266926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483391070313554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494800219012927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737401762467226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882602025922866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052258775264224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647198563602401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661806422212016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464730482852765,0.0,0.1680462620202768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010730607975995,0.0,0.11776956654847574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trashbagshitfuck,2019/07/29,"Tired of trying to find a therapist I had a therapist in my hometown who I had for 3 years and she has helped me immensely. She knew me so well and was super validating but also let me know when I was being paranoid or going about something wrong. She'd listen to me when I wanted to vent and gave good advice when I needed it. And now that I've moved states I can't find a therapist who is actually helpful. I've gone through 4 (I went to them multiple times, some for a few months and ending up not seeing them again because I always felt worse after) and I'm tired of having people interrupt me and give me crap advice that I've tried before and didn't work or made things worse. Or they don't believe me about the things I've gone through. Or use the dreaded phrase ""why don't you just... [insert thing that you either can't do, have done and didn't work, or something that's essentially impossible]."" The last one I had kept saying I didn't ""look borderline"" like what is that supposed to look like? He also said ""you don't seem like a sexual person so you can't be"" and when I told him I was diagnosed at 18 he said that that was stupid and at 18 he probably would have been too and thataybe I met the criteria but that doesn't mean I'm borderline. He told me to stop thinking about my diagnosis and to just accept myself. The diagnosis is for something... To help find what ways are best to start getting better... They're not just a pointless thing just to feel cool or something. That therapist said so many other things that just drove me insane and my mom wants me to see him again. Nope. I don't know why I went on that big rant but that's the kind of stuff I've been getting recently and now I'm just done searching for one and I'm just gonna hold out until I can see my therapist in my hometown again. I'm sick of people who've known me for 45 minutes thinking they can fix me or something when they have no clue what they're talking about.",3.1035732009925567,4.435931516129036,4.149478908188588,88.46729528535982,73.78908188585608,7.284367245657568,23.918114143920608,7.831003766801068,1.0290962779156323,1543,44,332,21,31,501,184,403,0.14800000000000002,0.782,0.07,-0.9865,0,0,5,0,0,0,37.0,0,4,5,5,28,15,2,1,12,1,39,5,1,2,0,61,83,37,0,4,20,1,2,3,0,2,4,5,0,1,25,17,0,3,14,0,0,7,15,4,1,2,30,13,48,11,35,47,4,37,0,0,5,0,36,8,1,9,23,218,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.07575662636116308,0.0,0.0,0.15172016691491924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416291411629185,0.06459518425885853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473231175450363,0.0,0.0660582359726094,0.08746351690188264,0.08146891146042733,0.06865828257770278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879379839568411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888686631015647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875799555133093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039252549967770715,0.0,0.07453790343648459,0.0,0.21285989503104447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111795335447951,0.07447069831106351,0.04411946811780475,0.06511317277770935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561032043690224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084070699137319,0.08532789956947334,0.06327960018303758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938292443368415,0.0,0.11377970901180708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303809225134674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345629895496016,0.0,0.07870561688449589,0.0,0.08456288244444865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092045146452918,0.061964298010813525,0.08250943330378215,0.0,0.057562379109721014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520950603704007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763907711429774,0.06778436688703611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836993135637521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665121542510428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153448362754788,0.06173526162836651,0.0,0.0,0.18558549172964275,0.07067231764721472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988205593417067,0.0,0.0,0.05494759871111942,0.0,0.0,0.06490296532829506,0.0,0.0,0.0888688853076799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239683146541743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506776862414957,0.2578728282034092,0.09948557937993494,0.0,0.0,0.04526724172947566,0.1784507554665909,0.0,0.1483594334421576,0.0,0.10541266287579328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704823114128625,0.0,0.0,0.09157751254471813,0.061619848970145885,0.0,0.0,0.06979956333178294,0.14392937016513468,0.14009974778131498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303253856116277,0.0,0.1582251771716847,0.05514681232222279,0.08487727678879378,0.0,0.04999179815738749
bpd,squattingslavgirl,2019/07/29,"Looking for advice: kind of confessing feelings You know how it goes, somebody shows you some affections and there you are on the train. However, I actually feel like we have something in common while at the same time I am scared it's only my BPD seeing it and at the same time worrying I fucked it up by being too distant.  


Basically what I wanted to message him is something along the line I would like to meet up with him soon as I like spending time with him but it's okay if he doesn't want to.  


Is that alright? It's bit more complicated than this post but just want to make sure the message seems ok.  


Sorry if it seems to basic, I am just overthinking too much atm.  


Thank you,",2.7745377128953765,4.697827226277376,3.849361313868617,87.79890815085159,76.00729927007299,6.9024330900243305,24.55535279805353,7.793537801064563,1.218465206812652,538,18,111,8,12,174,91,137,0.07400000000000001,0.78,0.147,0.8856,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,1,4,0,0,7,11,1,1,5,3,9,1,0,3,1,29,22,9,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,6,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,16,9,19,20,6,13,1,0,2,1,13,6,1,5,9,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.17295881571226954,0.0,0.0,0.17319501705480528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349809759571396,0.0,0.22322517858438434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923381444537909,0.12661893186901446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385376464597934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845662038316226,0.09740542290250033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597687445709359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488353628756832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183078059849792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029039452897534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479755937870966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697451037350127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744625447466894,0.0,0.1412358161687873,0.32270181371671963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728930921914199,0.0,0.19840353882954115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670448088408563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317702697463016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310046878913218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136188649709319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999389078628175,0.0,0.1259048588579732,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rcherry72,2019/07/29,DAE have a hard time making plans because so many people have ghosted them of not kept their word on the plan? So for some reason I cannot handle making plans or if plans change abruptly. My ex boyfriend would constantly change plans/cancel last minute every time we made plans to meet. Now I’m permanently screwed and can’t make plans for anything. I made plans with someone today and it didn’t work out. I hate relying on plans working and then being let down. I hate putting so much effort into getting ready and then getting cancelled on which wastes so much time.  I’m just officially done with trying to do anything with anyone.,5.293416666666668,7.018515508333337,4.655000000000001,85.4366666666667,68.91666666666666,6.666666666666668,27.5,6.937597516519254,1.3025000000000002,511,17,93,4,9,153,82,120,0.11699999999999999,0.862,0.021,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,2,11,6,3,3,0,2,0,10,1,0,6,0,24,22,12,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,1,8,0,14,14,3,17,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,3,10,54,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116262270678748,0.0,0.2616542475293169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691282850743356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363598535696489,0.0,0.0,0.1718010716918528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626918980152315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394763958427525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612114142385453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424149943756218,0.313919983845823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959004728970835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256798243984516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30086173830952595,0.3183614692122693,0.1611809269421002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337374167390509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021682385093118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598189690598031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345808017960178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470337167294344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27810782524364963,0.0,0.15069460039723542,0.0,0.0,0.10793709131769992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23147889643814964,0.0,0.0,0.11293494263620794,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jesus_saves13,2019/07/29,"Repent. Use blood of Jesus to cleanse you Because many have neglected God and His Word, God is coming with judgements to bring in violence and destruction. Repent. Those who put their trust in God and Christ, follow His 10 commandments, repent, cleanse themselves with blood of Jesus, live holy and love thy neighbor may be spared. Be encoruaged to replace worldly music with biblical music. Harp music is biblical. His destruction and judgement and bringing of violence come soon. Russia will invade USA and USA will be hit with nukes and foreign troops and all types of disaster.",7.11810606060606,9.722748828282828,5.923118686868688,74.63801136363638,65.76767676767676,8.990404040404039,33.58712121212121,9.516144504307137,3.6537969696969697,470,21,68,10,8,140,63,99,0.185,0.705,0.11,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,9,3,2,1,1,20,17,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,15,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,13,10,1,10,5,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,1,40,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194189983838128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6201211164692312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31783783723664216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324864219179318,0.0,0.0,0.3649275136521005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618439235951697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108767233356225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mootfruit,2019/07/29,feel so disconnected from the world around me and i don’t know how to get back i feel like i can never focus on the present and where i am and what i’m doing at the moment because my mind is always stuck agonizing about the past or worrying about the future. i’m in such a bad mood constantly and i can’t enjoy going anywhere or doing anything because of my thoughts. i feel so horribly guilty because i only have 1 more week left with my family until i move and i feel like i’ve wasted the past 2 months with them being distracted in my own world of suffering. i want to be able to enjoy the moment and what i have right now but it feels impossible. i feel so left out of everything but it’s my fault because i’m always too busy being upset to be involved in whatever’s happening. feel so trapped and feel like i am wasting so much time and i know i’m going to regret being upset right now i don’t know how to stop,2.012688204815607,3.771982362694304,4.1226211520877785,85.72627247790308,77.70466321243524,7.028223102712588,22.75190490704053,7.928766900206844,1.1463723864675406,728,22,151,12,17,250,101,193,0.22399999999999998,0.715,0.061,-0.9858,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,16,13,0,3,8,0,16,0,0,2,1,35,38,20,0,2,4,0,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,12,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,2,8,22,5,22,31,3,33,0,2,0,0,2,14,0,2,19,101,26,0,0.12600566565097576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969361585005686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369192645223428,0.1121717571818334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689057902003767,0.10520946755839436,0.3072475369541204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616736023588247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324576739487285,0.0,0.11878692735867925,0.0,0.5096980047981257,0.2700554181545387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583275961057547,0.0,0.14322384718230793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142639399505656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774825552679932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273811048834774,0.0,0.0,0.18468001033514456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722980212996804,0.0,0.1005765201584362,0.13392408125870806,0.09262866265117796,0.0,0.09718333735291768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583298676032352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405733314042309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521629996534627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534637864443147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003442355743908,0.0734749169518049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432140629516965,0.0,0.10107414444062753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796486992913073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aboxofsharp0bjects,2019/07/29,"Quiet. I'm a quiet BPD and I don't let people get to know me well enough to reject me so I've been single for like 7 years. No hookups (because I hate my body,) very few dates, no significant others. I'm really starting to think I'll just be alone forever. :( Anyone have tips on how to overcome shyness and BPD in order to find a long term partner?",1.2048336594911966,3.1094536712328766,3.510019569471627,88.47191780821919,80.78082191780824,5.815264187866927,21.38747553816047,6.868970318607317,0.53194481409002,270,8,57,3,7,93,57,73,0.23199999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.081,-0.8971,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,0,7,12,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,2,5,2,8,9,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925606452888226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152714028559448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082118309752836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565993606089981,0.5818964925069277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386944578357225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111384020277242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069287437537055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280739516323939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695672212597778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23622275784883556,0.0,0.11285952170759428,0.0,0.0,0.20443604521633735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015282776262693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799053383075325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350963884626135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802149262559494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060694421344232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207705189302422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876247649991425
bpd,aamuisin,2019/07/29,"Relationships, etc. A mess of a post Hello.

This is a throwaway account. I didn't want to post on my main acc since I'm ashamed and terrified of someone I know finding out I wrote this

So. I'm 22. I was diagnosed with BPD a year and a half ago. During the last four years I've done quite a bit of progress with getting to know myself and my wounds better, etc. I'm doing so much better in a lot of ways.  
While I have BPD, I believe I also have quite a few vulnerable narcissistic traits. I'm very self-centered.

So. Relationships.

I'm terrified of the thought of entering an intimate/romantic relationship. The last time someone asked me out I was so afraid of just the thought of getting coffee with this person (who was incredibly nice and respectful) my entire body was tense and I felt like it was in fire. So no date ever happened.

I used to think I would eventually maybe find someone, but I was never in a hurry to enter a relationship. Right now I really don't want one.

I'm also terrified of sex. Sex is absurd and confusing. And most of all, scary. Whenever I do actually find someone attractive and/or interesting and make the mistake of thinking about any kind of sexual relations with them, I suddenly find them unpleasant, unreliable, repulsive even.

I don't think I want a relationship. I love cuddling etc, but pretty much anything else that comes with a relationship I don't...like. Sharing a home with another person, meeting parents/other family, having them meet my family, them seeing me at my embarrassing moments,me seeing them or them seeing me act in a childish/impulsive way, overreacting to a situation,  whatever stupid shit us humans do. 

Taking others into consideration is hard. I can handle that in the context of a friendship for the most part but it's a whole new level when it comes to a romantic relationship. I love my freedom. I love the fact that as soon as I'm at home I can exist just as I wish. And not have to wonder whether I'm being perceived as lazy, annoying, noisy, etc. 

The question: For a while I've been contemplating whether it is possible for a person to be happy without an intimate relationship of any kind, with just friends and family around.  What do you think? Can you abstain from all romantic relations and be sane and happy? I've asked many of my friends this question and most were unable to answer. Some said they didn't think a person could be happy living that way.

What are your thoughts? I appreciate any and all responses! Feel free to ask if you need any more info/context. There's probably a lot I didn't include that could be relevant.",3.618252964426876,6.00250334747475,5.174415898111551,77.1308992094862,75.12121212121212,8.587176108915239,28.538647342995173,9.26112553598018,2.8575709266578837,2067,88,370,53,46,695,239,495,0.12300000000000001,0.705,0.172,0.9898,1,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,1,4,7,5,18,28,3,4,33,0,38,10,2,2,6,87,83,35,0,10,12,0,4,1,2,1,2,1,2,5,17,27,0,1,22,0,2,5,9,9,0,3,18,8,49,20,54,57,21,40,0,0,3,6,42,14,1,12,17,256,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.056747587821452075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154789807775499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300765109827824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818036936246355,0.060977038716911985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785382435078202,0.051767266256459485,0.1630917305536404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655169566672668,0.0,0.10286075574890327,0.06348650250279049,0.06459333498186222,0.14647984693361948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018493454638124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928586655613825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059022665197999535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059509292009822364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048578212525410135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594176898820465,0.03840859330226914,0.05260146505919721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446050193531309,0.0,0.02940320383186882,0.0,0.0558346698429178,0.0,0.21259809061634344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985558707891117,0.0,0.06076363749270192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142328114365527,0.18571042664983364,0.05209242494720076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116661622584217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111191693438535,0.06391721367519976,0.09480265532347468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02840994176388355,0.0,0.0513489414797187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887684719507224,0.15745230893079626,0.0,0.038816654603282284,0.0589566104079337,0.05842111343011815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549625615065039,0.0431186857261533,0.04485011046305146,0.0561631921848692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039405039336263686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297253227003823,0.0,0.0,0.20310298901143167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655572085327451,0.11138634526139153,0.05916109839297257,0.06269727646543202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028623496573066,0.1237028012675713,0.0,0.0,0.03725341366084157,0.0,0.0,0.4994645754692774,0.0,0.0496611615211484,0.05531550250227423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901792484933434,0.0,0.06066481689738992,0.0,0.05969179719183897,0.048103616894934864,0.06536485177793372,0.0,0.0,0.1970866989047566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043722777462872515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863060343367244,0.0,0.1384976602634893,0.0339086743809282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994923289053287,0.05022432449438796,0.0,0.047981172549407626,0.10289798764585066,0.13847413588511925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492420149397107,0.0668714874424654,0.05605608176690007,0.06306294594431773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04130923888306617,0.0,0.0,0.0748954670384585
bpd,purpledot13,2019/07/29,"My ex’s mum verbally harassed me and I’m not over it?? For context I’m a 19 year old girl.

So I treated my first ever girlfriend like shit, she treated me like shit, she cheated on me several times, I was developing bpd. It was not a healthy relationship on either end. This relationship ended 4 years ago on super bad terms, however we have since been in contact a few times and agreed to settle our differences as she has moved in opposite me and next to my best friend.

Some background into her mother: me and my ex broke up at the age of 15, and her MOTHER sent me harassing texts calling me a ‘vindictive bitch’ and things like this. I had to block her number and save the texts in case I had to go the police as she started verbally harassing me in person too. My mum got involved telling her to back off, but until then I made sure my mum stayed out of it.

We are now 19/20 years old and can handle ourselves perfectly fine. They now live opposite me but we mostly ignore  each other. But today I was with my friends in our local co op and her mother saw me waiting for my friends are being served, hurriedly packed her shopping in her bag and start storming towards me glaring at me. I was fucking terrified, I was standing by myself waiting for my friends. Luckily all she said was ‘you’re vile’ and walked past. I laughed because I was anxious and scared but also relieved that all she had to say was you’re vile, and she then started calling back saying ‘yeah that’s right you laugh you disgusting bitch’. She kept shouting back things until my friends came over. I’m still extremely shaken up.

Is it fair that I’m kinda terrified to be where I live now? She honestly stormed over to me like she was going to punch me. Me and her daughter broke up four years ago?? I’m terrified tbh, and still extremely shaken up by it.",4.089750000000002,5.515886919444448,4.8188888888888926,84.2616666666667,71.47222222222223,7.888888888888887,29.44444444444445,8.401726058763845,2.1186944444444444,1441,58,282,23,27,464,184,360,0.154,0.677,0.16899999999999998,0.7418,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,5,2,1,4,13,38,12,1,7,1,21,3,2,1,5,45,41,27,0,0,7,9,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,2,13,23,0,5,0,1,1,6,2,17,0,2,20,5,63,21,43,19,9,67,0,2,1,1,54,25,5,3,38,193,76,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120167927320266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173535290829327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546545637070453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357739260666344,0.08533904767112893,0.06230478304723772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726053389880592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872685033644296,0.0,0.20873070297819668,0.11689822610327373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678515179005084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105113178613705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245259415408097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693770268725362,0.0,0.0,0.39482655641502595,0.09448924701239432,0.0,0.0,0.11617382927586405,0.0,0.08174472667363418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997338144769527,0.0,0.1805023050792776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671126940202766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863046663082504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869890503584392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449929288284625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756868594412874,0.0,0.0892437035423954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194653496734098,0.0,0.08728470216880814,0.09722279973602432,0.16255911620612504,0.1023276029495402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546545637070453,0.20982919368858446,0.08454715405979378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702912197647875,0.1089396652798618,0.16324618708024016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632942055865773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933391690485634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580432945653426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191961063181339,0.0,0.0968808209268164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26327328374958503
bpd,T3nacityDog,2019/07/29,"I’m so tired of this I wish I could be done. I’m so fucking tired of waiting for a life that doesn’t exist and isn’t going to happen. I feel so fucking empty and alone I can’t leave my bed. Everyone is sick of me and my shit. I would be too. 

I’m just fucking overcome with absolute terror and I don’t know why. I’m so scared of being alive and continuing to move forward. There’s nothing out there for me except more of the same. I don’t know what to do is just screaming in my mind on repeat. Hurting myself barely helps, I can’t cry, I have nothing and no one to say this to. 

I wish I never woke up. Just inconvenience everyone one last time but not have to deal with the emotional pain of it. Everyone is disappointed in me and they’re just going to stay that way. 

I don’t deserve anything I have. I don’t deserve nice things or good things, I haven’t done anything to earn them. I can’t even pay my bills. I don’t deserve the help I get. 

I guess I’m done. Thanks for reading, I hope things get better for you guys.",0.3514268774703524,2.326897154545456,2.514980237154152,94.0681225296443,84.27272727272727,5.280632411067193,20.474308300395254,6.498293943080001,0.12280434782608607,794,24,183,8,23,268,111,220,0.159,0.691,0.15,0.4585,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,1,2,12,15,4,2,4,0,26,9,1,0,1,31,49,13,0,5,8,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,9,10,0,1,3,1,2,4,14,10,0,2,4,3,30,5,26,40,2,16,0,2,0,3,7,6,4,3,6,123,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115685277702231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383561290438247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878766396127443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918163766717249,0.0,0.12269483418888248,0.0,0.11515557016444827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429170181866391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564503780222736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377537100023251,0.0,0.0,0.3201962233714956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056477784911831815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30978856435004976,0.11671502426731364,0.0,0.12696091504005355,0.09368685015587196,0.0,0.0,0.1230477655666056,0.11059842439987684,0.09877403253397192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973741761389206,0.0,0.0,0.11094115991322773,0.0,0.0,0.11957484973736796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277242530281393,0.09104864910378413,0.0,0.11827188647287745,0.0,0.0,0.07889548889548363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278297864897086,0.0,0.0,0.11871712872550468,0.0,0.0,0.086148261478182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435418325119465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137869660745218,0.0,0.11885437885995415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111728068729583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882660694872985,0.11182902539503367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465622937142005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905503738923337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283636556576044,0.0,0.0,0.2226212483698935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513190974977114,0.256760475252467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866054764067371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078992865293808,0.0,0.25689401101361403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934694198122033,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wlawson2911,2019/07/29,"DAE ever feel like they’re NPD? For years, I thought I was a textbook Narc.: self-importance,  need for admiration, lack of empathy, massive fantasies of success and brilliance, impatience, viewing myself as almost Godlike, with other people being either beneficial or worthless, etc. The works.

Last year I met my first FP, the first person I’d ever cared about, and everything changed.

I started feeling worthless, evil, terrible. I started becoming clingy, thinking my FP hated me if she talked to someone for a femtosecond longer than she’d talked to me for. I became impulsive, drinking at work and getting off with people I’d met two hours earlier because I was bored, and hating myself for it afterwards. I was paranoid, thinking my FP could hear what I was thinking; that everyone was only pretending to like me, and trying to make my FP leave me. Suicidal ideation and self harm were fun ones.

I haven’t seen my FP since last Christmas, and the BPD symptoms haven’t gone away — they’re worse, if anything — but sometimes I still get episodes of my old NPD behaviours, and now I’m not sure what I am.",6.322601279317695,7.822515691542289,6.153564321250888,76.5162313432836,66.21393034825871,8.926936744847193,36.24769012082445,9.23628265651192,3.5460615493958776,878,44,145,16,14,275,128,201,0.151,0.755,0.094,-0.8622,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,5,5,15,3,0,5,0,12,2,0,1,3,30,33,13,1,5,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,10,1,0,6,3,0,1,3,8,0,4,11,5,26,7,20,19,3,19,0,2,2,0,9,3,0,4,17,91,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553618635556535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316573864644243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778571501836535,0.0,0.0,0.07642210001704755,0.13845716929519244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789439831341012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781924312446732,0.0,0.13262086540610818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009474636906884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281119375271783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981650347553526,0.0,0.2268018939066646,0.0,0.119792820604,0.1126710983352892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267778817279452,0.08956167126544418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327292978391008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309973785758006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754642674550856,0.0,0.0,0.1412968706994775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346049930439355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043804459680666,0.0,0.13274475316628606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249523070460985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368294275870149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295748297554247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155078641274245,0.0,0.08495141286343877,0.09534667938084666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382633993086066,0.10946497049572912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615686720958233,0.0,0.0,0.10370425427555917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622241349434564,0.0,0.12399042300261864,0.0,0.1774697484966611,0.0,0.10011764608015014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713032547172166,0.0,0.11815620330362993,0.1303035315794704,0.0,0.20152927965740736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409888853072226,0.0,0.0995267958603147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511545184751004,0.0,0.12246460601474267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825362405357426,0.0,0.12775891511714102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146350439317786
bpd,BernieMadoffsBurner,2019/07/29,"Don’t know how to help my BOD get dental treatment My BPD husband tends to stall any medical treatment or care unless it’s an emergency. He will use arbitrary roadblocks to delay his appointment making (after I travel, after the spring, after my interview), and when those roadblocks are cleared, he either comes up with new ones or just “isn’t ready yet”.
I really love him and want to help him. He’s been behind a dental treatment he needs to complete for three years now. I try to bring it up but every attempt ends up in a fight or him shutting me out. 
How can I help him stop neglecting his self-care and not make him upset?",6.387177700348432,6.2737893902439055,6.5165156794425085,79.6390243902439,65.66666666666667,9.304994192799072,30.579558652729386,8.841846274778883,2.3522924506387923,497,16,94,7,7,159,85,123,0.11199999999999999,0.743,0.145,0.33399999999999996,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,4,0,6,2,0,5,1,26,18,11,0,2,8,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,1,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,1,0,15,2,18,16,1,21,0,1,0,1,18,6,0,3,12,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492402796986102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27640210241879176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237540274168225,0.0,0.0,0.18904529953432944,0.23009956382146216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437636103189387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490445835663366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146587568541578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412981002044536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060943952639765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807115736490946,0.0,0.2929824181499418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22108279363320987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272675917861745,0.0,0.21195577034543692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871172992656465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059165234927942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289445720255067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347833033141664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489988884360511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895429190215284,0.0,0.0,0.1294431541965621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413250012505029
bpd,kirikkafa,2019/07/29,"Triggered from normal life things Hello! So, I have a quick question. I am triggered by stuff that you can encounter in life daily. I am triggered... by the sight of a normal and functional family.

The last time, my SO invited me to his niece's birthday party. They treated the little girl like a princess and it was awesome. I was never treated half as good, and it totally sent me to a dark place,  into the memories of my own childhood which can be summarized in 4 words, neglience, abuse, poverty, loneliness. I was overwhelmed by my low feelings and spiraled down right then and there. Even went to the bathroom and cry. It really hurt.

Now I avoid spending too much time with them or going to events, because it's too much. I seriously cannot handle being around them. But I know I'm gonna have to spend some time with them in the future. I can't be like 30 and running crying to bathroom everytime I see his family. Also I know everybody noticed, I don't want to be the 'weird poor sensitive girl'. I feel ashamed. I want to at least look normal.

How do I avoid being a total wreck in times that I need to function perfectly. And if anyone has any experience to share feel free cause I feel alone in this. Thank you all.",2.6844806257958886,4.96969608368201,3.7680480261961087,86.55560851373474,77.70292887029291,6.66698199017646,25.45406585410224,7.7425588080867325,1.4993298526468983,960,36,185,15,23,310,145,239,0.175,0.7170000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9314,0,3,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,2,4,1,11,17,0,4,12,0,19,2,0,5,5,42,36,17,0,7,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,12,0,2,7,0,4,4,4,8,0,1,5,7,30,10,28,25,8,29,0,3,3,0,14,13,0,4,14,131,40,0,0.0,0.15761309623632674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777397725362392,0.0,0.10638019538770288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046168998234913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301430496807303,0.0,0.0,0.11842062097085565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109092037065245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366535123273667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922438469342111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786188258307374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012416013606734,0.2508086180415633,0.0,0.26904612957946744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560128033685952,0.11157521699141712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240621585596902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621432966241585,0.1084332834717829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791924968150509,0.1299787757289632,0.13332618610477814,0.0,0.0,0.11170765530535888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557763962048166,0.0986364919067192,0.10259722631158448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910093231777461,0.0,0.15145005908401474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898300928212534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901865565164418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521934222189186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360278436056186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060038526094903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228201512834608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247172130900455,0.0,0.0,0.08837602449879574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31027222929601866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692340578447553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331568269938825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thesoupstore88,2019/07/29,"I just quit my job in the most unprofessional way I just quit my job, no notice, they were understaffed but I couldn't take it anymore. I don't really know why I'm posting this but I just need to scream my frustrations at someone. I've been depressed and no matter how much I love doing what I do I couldn't help but feel like it was all pointless. I'm terrified of moving on but my job has caused me so much stress that I just couldn't take it. I feel like I failed everyone at the work place, like it was a huge disrespect to everyone who's helped me get there. I feel like a huge disappointment. Has anyone bounced back after doing something like this?",3.5476119402985056,4.8085222686567155,4.430029850746268,87.16832835820897,72.58208955223881,8.046567164179105,24.59402985074627,8.548686976883017,1.3838382089552232,520,15,112,9,10,168,78,134,0.267,0.555,0.17800000000000002,-0.9493,3,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,4,8,12,1,1,4,0,13,1,0,2,1,22,24,7,0,4,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,4,19,6,8,17,4,12,0,3,0,1,5,7,0,1,7,72,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837766712746627,0.09756360727808892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729104278286099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333719543950804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017820037889687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26665648659806923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116538225087335,0.2990438050429019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289940362964828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704992803832732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41539018797607213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668281476977905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408399985910811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593254666542733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829980868430784,0.2051432844749836,0.1034607737269954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885743694787607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457806274054577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363252229619738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968176630573161,0.0,0.0,0.08938739519569153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182245122769225,0.10741809756020128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983276059388132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098205132935338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107535398986881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590539627264902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158052947718953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hdvjufd,2019/07/29,"DAE feel like they’re faking it sometimes? Let me elaborate. 

Rationally, I know I’m not faking it. I have BPD. Most of the time I can identify when I’m experiencing an episode or mini-episode because it’s usually filled with emotion: sadness, anxiety, anger, etc. But I’ve noticed in the last year that I can also identify when the potential is very, very high for an episode to occur, kind of like how migraine sufferers get prodromal auras first or seizure sufferers get epileptic auras. 

I apparently developed a pre-episode aura. Which ok cool. All the better to help prevent an episode, right? You’d think. The last few times, I got this aura at work, which is a stressful environment. But I rationalized that since I wasn’t showing symptoms, it wasn’t real, and therefore not a valid reason to go home. Fast forward, episode happens, workday is ruined, typically end up going home sooner or later anyway. 

I should mention that I have disability accommodations at work that allow me to call in or leave early for this purpose. I always hesitate to use them, however. Partly because my job has guilted me, and partly because I always feel like “hey if I’m not crying my eyes out and I can still walk, I can work.” Hence why I feel like I’m faking it. I called in today. I woke up and started getting that aura. I know deep down I should NOT be interacting with people today. But I feel like such a fraud because physically, I can technically work. 

I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for here. Validation? Understanding? I know I made the right choice for the sake of myself and those around me, I just still feel like shit about it.",3.8116743224621032,6.113544745980711,5.056898254478644,78.59018890675243,74.20900321543408,7.786908589802481,29.11357372531005,8.634040054169528,2.4853618741387242,1300,56,233,26,28,430,173,311,0.133,0.769,0.098,-0.9313,3,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,1,6,12,21,2,2,14,2,19,4,2,6,1,46,48,17,0,3,13,0,5,6,0,2,2,0,2,0,17,9,0,1,12,1,0,5,7,11,0,1,5,9,35,10,25,38,6,37,0,4,2,0,8,15,1,7,25,143,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403132588727365,0.15405782541917878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081879111821825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241041061182465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257287958752023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818741043337593,0.0,0.0,0.11659360446381052,0.0,0.18905663394145206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168809801527234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413319357436482,0.08199301075116089,0.0,0.10324438534786846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23404076323859654,0.3306741146672506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874332428407414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450981482555143,0.0,0.1052237778228438,0.0,0.07403981612132844,0.0,0.10198060356995058,0.0,0.0818628067601916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205034343758423,0.09780942320784533,0.18571836828658864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186532563732223,0.0,0.0,0.09640148617373133,0.2035048093148893,0.15092019179830585,0.0,0.09802240871519012,0.0,0.09466309953277376,0.0,0.2713616308754793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773877274688876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759567613424926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539601510255933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004970560326884,0.0,0.06417909609136951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536938157869652,0.059305220045283526,0.09518140215096403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811523413822587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502579279282287,0.07657809861131758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155796843516056,0.0,0.06552429307669194,0.0,0.1478592952201698,0.0,0.10604310615286996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621974296427016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931762636677518,0.0,0.0,0.10796118787463553,0.0,0.1754984929056816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637270966873468,0.0,0.07995413904568645,0.1019570879504467,0.15276634898371114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353355878075719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269579648887744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961456570863044
bpd,Crudu98,2019/07/29,"Anyone have advice for dealing with Retrospective Jealousy? Does anyone have any tips on dealing with this bullshit? Why the fuck am I jealous about shit that happened before I even met my girl.

Was going through an episode and decided to go through her phone. I already know im not going to find anything that shes currently doing wrong but my brain told me to go read her old messages to find out if she “really” loves me. 

This is not the first time ive had jealousy for her previous partners. Most of the time ive been able to show myself that it doesnt make sense and make it go away. But this time is a little different. The messages I saw really triggered me since the things she was saying to other guys was the same kinda shit she would say to me. “Oh you are so this” “ive never met so eone with this” “you are so this, i cant believe”.  Like word for word thing shes said to me and I believed made me special in her eyes. 

Anyways enough fucking crying, any fucking advice on how to work on this and get over it?",2.5228985507246366,4.350450879227053,3.4882367149758484,90.53641304347828,76.43961352657004,5.952657004830918,24.54347826086957,6.691623216298621,0.7715681159420287,800,27,166,7,18,256,119,207,0.132,0.8270000000000001,0.042,-0.9486,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,7,10,6,0,8,0,21,8,4,5,1,29,41,11,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,3,16,8,0,0,4,2,0,5,5,7,0,1,11,5,29,3,26,29,3,20,0,0,2,4,26,8,5,3,8,115,45,2,0.11411217644322215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301819627123431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592562428411888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520038610931472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595797740187167,0.0,0.0939045982252096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721214611155258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710105739425098,0.2571306923216729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738692807322172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534686752787552,0.0,0.23528928652821784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922293684447585,0.0,0.0,0.09986033459385066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790838237337928,0.0,0.07537001632318062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859292390544526,0.0970637589883724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164846050279348,0.059618902385188466,0.0,0.3242628979441062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298899536961332,0.10090902076749132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326073230647147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271306788196564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055749445381484734,0.1143703791405035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299069447683117,0.10797570046757476,0.1523415277428454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801034526554596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974153344294335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414305681878005,0.0,0.14620636447760496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854681122297287,0.18149316567008303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342690185658581,0.09439477155652752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162211901740524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961918324957148,0.0,0.0,0.10903907476138776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296849022636853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830750235201278,0.0,0.0,0.08106201610697687,0.12476375131109685,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nallion,2019/07/29,"Does anyone also struggle with people telling you, you’re acting like a child? Someone a confidant said “You’re acting and thinking like you’re in your teens but you’re an adult.” You’d fall behind everyone your age if you continue to act this way.",2.995000000000001,5.616566833333334,3.641500000000004,86.05350000000004,78.58333333333334,6.34,24.18333333333333,7.554174236665415,1.3784533333333333,200,7,36,3,5,63,35,48,0.038,0.8809999999999999,0.081,0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,4,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701491593279056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362069011155344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29562267930028924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227950673356844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300770116625372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23419719487272914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32133778936100177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862280973399277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531557891611709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952636979299958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645711061168266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26814045910047096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nixeve,2019/07/29,Made it to one month before resigning....again. Anyone else have similar stories so I don't feel so alone right now? I just reach a point where I can't go on :/,0.10772727272727424,2.3504900000000037,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,88.3939393939394,5.724242424242425,17.340909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.08167272727272756,122,3,28,2,4,40,29,33,0.08800000000000001,0.807,0.105,-0.1231,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,2,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610970535889705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437847272403806,0.3572339189096809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29667612875342986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912529832197079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628830677475896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981462691386132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299017917394645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27828972094251103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23625478715532136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32958767467753103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977458554207707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sparkles4830,2019/07/29,"DAE have an unstable view of their bf/gf? I recently got into a relationship with someone and I’ve realized that I cannot view them in a stable way. (To note, I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD by a psychiatrist, so I’m still trying to learn about it.) 

Some days I like this person so much that I’ll talk to them all day. We’re talking paragraph long texts, which he’ll reciprocate. Then other days I wake up and suddenly I’m feeling “huh, I don’t think I like him as much as thought.” The texts become brief and I might take a while to respond. There are days where I feel affectionate and would be okay with kissing and touching, and other days I feel repulsed. I feel like in my head, he’s not even my bf. Just simply a guy who I’m hanging out with. 

If he texts something that my brain interprets as bad, I’ll feel slighted and it will affect the way I text him until he says something that makes me feel good. Then all’s well until the next time I feel offended. 

It’s a constant battle and I don’t know if others feel the same way. It’s exhausting and I don’t think it’s fair to him.",1.6817293233082682,3.5492818596491236,3.3425313283208027,90.43605263157896,79.08771929824562,6.623558897243107,22.69924812030075,7.62386473244151,0.8688669172932335,856,27,189,13,21,284,126,228,0.076,0.799,0.125,0.8271,0,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,0,9,12,2,0,11,2,11,6,3,2,2,42,30,21,0,3,4,0,9,3,1,4,2,1,0,2,15,15,0,0,15,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,3,12,24,8,22,22,6,29,0,0,2,1,19,6,0,4,21,112,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014921953564508,0.0,0.13247003344855676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106676189026672,0.13389849494746736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961813390305102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867736082105224,0.0,0.0,0.12174183816065524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922266360045291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851831167292602,0.08568886427937386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060433059240448,0.09593112181270244,0.0,0.0,0.11876459111190307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309836421103655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591873695318934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579747648313127,0.0,0.0,0.1061477144549606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006434251652551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724288672613118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634702439677666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756306521805552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473150922288876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368628001975268,0.12877624068182125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538522552528672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162916619060897,0.18467932713063454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578837984728876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901838519145655,0.19281479285599745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371206301503118,0.0,0.09522307904861492,0.06994100206890068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143490734806016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856207150898727,0.0,0.0,0.10784512634039703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520561817687179,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ellierodg,2019/07/29,"How do you deal with rejection? Being it in a potential relationship or friendship...once I feel rejected or refused I become so hurt and rageful I can't even breathe. My first impulse is to curse at that person or hurt myself, I try to have a good cry and  self care time but I still feel a lingering sense of hurt, loneliness and emptiness. Also I start to question myself and I don't feel confident anymore, I clam up and isolate myself like I'm in a dark cave.",2.418719806763285,4.696369326086956,4.044492753623191,84.27248792270532,78.56521739130434,7.132367149758455,27.613526570048307,8.167268648758528,2.074046859903381,366,16,70,7,9,122,64,92,0.34700000000000003,0.5820000000000001,0.071,-0.9787,0,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,1,5,9,1,0,4,0,6,1,1,1,0,16,12,12,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,3,13,3,9,11,0,8,0,5,0,0,7,4,0,4,5,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150589491043201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675050391724668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797091006577312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919921117254619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684701701261046,0.0,0.1941368301148966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437537017169292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856418873799033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017431789678224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794345064452167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6047614263815558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199756407716443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054141016044566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442290168292684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094756809515292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021718517935437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964458577962312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328506314218005,0.0,0.15038266400304615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098036550042093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784847524685594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,honeybabythrowaway,2019/07/29,"my boyfriend just told me that he isn't in love with me, not sure how to carry on i'm not sure what to do. my boyfriend just told me that he isn't in love with me. after playing a match of dota, i asked him if he was in love with me out of sheer curiosity. i was expecting a yes but instead got an ""i don't know"". obviously this upset me a bit and i kept asking what he meant by it, and he responded that it ""isn't in his personality to be in love with someone"", which makes no sense to me. in my opinion, everyone can fall head over heels for someone. this is his first relationship and basically the first time he's talked to a girl romantically. this really really upset me. i feel like i've wasted the 2 years i've been with him and i told him that. he says that he still loves me and cherishes me and loves every moment he spends with me and doesn't regret anything but i'm still feeling beyond lonely and unlovable right now. i've been increasingly suicidal for the past week and this is the icing on the cake.",3.826145552560648,4.322495415094341,5.28835579514825,84.11877358490567,71.26415094339623,8.698652291105121,25.52021563342318,8.841846274778883,1.5350932614555255,796,22,178,14,14,269,108,212,0.18100000000000002,0.698,0.121,-0.9368,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,8,16,0,2,10,1,14,8,2,2,3,36,34,13,1,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,14,16,0,1,4,1,1,2,8,5,0,2,10,3,25,11,28,23,2,25,0,2,0,6,31,12,0,2,12,115,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858079412174683,0.0,0.22398366317689566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307847370120394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093216376678063,0.11446892679843675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114355426315468,0.08558132566157693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379454515246104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581072927009836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294387706674252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583600963595294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852561750355598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6487161208651384,0.0,0.07996386261401475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435755350378217,0.0,0.10460007228722233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534870473678946,0.0,0.0,0.1286146278626472,0.0,0.10230398105440328,0.0,0.09526551807674596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300324532522984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133633288868115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310359094069463,0.0,0.2258100897624712,0.0,0.0,0.09628640616579304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985322685151303,0.0,0.0,0.34340678039531025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609204655603644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714383037235452
bpd,LastW0rds,2019/07/29,"Today I set my own boundaries Too many times I have snapped at the wrong person because they were in my space at the wrong place and wrong time. To put it in short, it is not always their fault, duh, sometimes they approach me whilst I am already well done over cooking about something else and most days I am too depressed to even talk. This morning I woke up and as soon as I left my door, my clingy roommate was straight in my room and wishing good mornings. Inside I was already boiling because....my space so I just said to her ""My new medication is making me very irritable and groggy in the mornings, in order for you to respect my wishes I need you to understand that sometimes my mental illness or whatever new trial of drugs I am on can make me not want to talk the whole day. It is just how I am and I need my space sometimes"" 

She seemed a little offended at first which is whatever but later when I felt like talking, she perked right back up and we were cool.",5.256433506044907,5.635251979274614,5.356075129533679,85.30834412780658,68.06735751295336,7.67685664939551,31.10924006908463,7.1686216300943375,1.7553250431778933,764,29,154,6,12,240,119,193,0.077,0.833,0.091,0.4153,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,3,1,12,11,1,0,5,2,15,5,0,3,0,26,27,14,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,6,8,2,0,3,1,0,2,2,6,1,1,8,3,34,5,23,19,3,39,0,1,0,0,14,22,0,3,14,109,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619035949068705,0.0,0.0987403085434698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124746720219587,0.0,0.07233819798253711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306057623813227,0.0,0.10220756656905244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143736706516454,0.0,0.0,0.1376158482709635,0.0,0.0991309092510142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837832186836333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393876599233504,0.0,0.0,0.10093794475408772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953210667455556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893185772469634,0.0,0.0,0.05797461891684458,0.11893533829213375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842206062617786,0.12030953985882445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954434657727632,0.1195882536395882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597990125743998,0.0,0.2292183272413865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361529853414456,0.1239815801288862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192929398849012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134082421163268,0.11287932951133015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802982497895887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913555230690002,0.35209358674131586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28613970817113704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383911654270817,0.0,0.11248227924333452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353635476768787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791256232955484,0.06999277073096109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066957312477136,0.0,0.0,0.13248727756557302,0.2729219956239387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892306490621542,0.0,0.0
bpd,SillyLittleBPD,2019/07/29,"Does anyone have any book recommendations that got them to move on /on their feet / etc, to deal with BPD and depression? I'm pretty good already dealign with BPD, now that I've learned about it and have dealth with it for like 5 years (even thought I've had it my whole life, I just got the diagnong just while back).. Now that most my anxiety and depression are in the leves that I can deal with them as well, I was wondering if YOU GUYS have read a book that HAS HELPED YOU.  


I know there are many books with good recommendations etc, but I wanna hear out from the BPD people itself.

I want to learn to lovemyself more, and to learn to live myself better. I want to be my friend. <3",3.847445255474456,5.043921080291973,3.8785474452554745,91.65650729927007,71.77372262773724,7.523795620437956,22.45912408759124,7.908726449838941,0.6522823357664236,536,12,121,7,10,164,86,137,0.044000000000000004,0.81,0.146,0.9034,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,3,1,9,8,0,0,4,0,10,2,1,0,0,24,19,8,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,5,1,16,6,21,13,5,10,0,2,0,0,11,4,0,3,6,80,25,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211223054634415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373738286767032,0.0,0.10544886077610974,0.0,0.0,0.09638243016091942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599209814409682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191017232484608,0.0,0.0,0.5208220545857216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842183900292865,0.2374464685765133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062658672156025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30746084886675523,0.0910434342844012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649649640802948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312308964315961,0.22048990497546794,0.0,0.0,0.1364853913615259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535811126573873,0.0,0.09239268170134553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575443595504296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736198085088628,0.06734270754589149,0.0,0.12171713612084145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975029606170564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650438162512552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556238480798372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023501280936992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787944330463334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943126304669402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626057325679888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393663917163154,0.0,0.0,0.15389582809413554,0.0,0.0,0.14948392224828075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876581964162418
bpd,wondaaaaaa,2019/07/29,"Anyone else almost go into this mode when they feel like theyre not in a relationship if their bf/gf isn’t around them all the time???? Like if your bf wants space and wants to work on themselves a bit... then you get so used to them needing space every now and then so you  disconnect a bit from it... then next min you’re talking normal again and catching up but it feels like everything has changed and you’re questioning your own feelings????? Like have my feelings changed or am I just subconsciously cut cos they need time to themselves... or do I need more intimacy in a relationship? Need to be needed, want to be wanted all the time. Like have my feelings changed... I want to stay in love and positive but now I’m like this feels strange haaalpppp",3.7514155251141545,5.60895238356165,3.7837671232876735,89.60501141552513,73.10958904109589,7.0584474885844735,26.55022831050229,7.793537801064563,1.3302255707762551,592,21,123,8,12,181,86,146,0.040999999999999995,0.762,0.19699999999999998,0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,5,1,8,8,1,0,6,0,8,1,0,2,2,38,29,17,0,13,8,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,6,14,7,14,27,6,24,0,0,0,1,15,9,0,6,18,72,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114640727884345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783276513438242,0.11405350951750133,0.0,0.09909233189729312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430503301386851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532637614071412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929878803083315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378615687727228,0.0,0.10004111061990036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376997369554253,0.2385664787532255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058156543402195775,0.0,0.06326184664108549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262919889765171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046449286614424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41268657067804015,0.0,0.0,0.118382832059408,0.0,0.10906328450121563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469623925004875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390173997123449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864504150415588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894693193606728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947228350424768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613884974067437,0.0,0.0,0.32827699434788105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103732235411021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,just_just_regrets,2019/07/29,"I want to say sorry, but I'm too afraid to I was diagnosed with bpd since I was 13. At 21, I told my best friend of 10 years that I only hung out with her because she was pretty, not because of the person she was.

I lied. I told her I don't want to be friends with her because I was secretly in love with her for 6 years and couldn't handle being with her after hearing she told me she wanted to marry her boyfriend.

12 years have past since then but I still wake up in tears as I dream of the reaction on her face when I told her our friendship was over. Even though she has unfriended me on social media I have been told by our mutual friends that she broke up with the guy and is living her life as a hair designer. 

But then, when I checked facebook yesterday, I saw that she has sent me a friend request. After 12 years. 

I am not even sure if I should accept it or not. One side of me tells me I need to accept the request, meet her in real life and tell her all about what happened and why I was horrible to her. Even though she has noticed my self harm scars and was aware of the fact that I have been hospitalized a few times, I haven't told anyone; not even the 10+ psychologists I consulted with; about the way I felt about her. Another side tells me that I am not worthy of seeking forgiveness nor facing her in real life, and I should just hide from her until I die.

Just wanted to vent. I can't concentrate at all during work.",5.501831395348837,4.504965568106313,6.055845099667772,85.15227263289039,67.7375415282392,9.38546511627907,28.11482558139535,8.472884824447931,1.62842342192691,1120,28,253,14,16,365,146,301,0.102,0.74,0.158,0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,2,15,13,0,1,10,0,27,9,4,0,4,45,45,21,1,9,12,0,2,0,4,2,4,2,0,3,7,14,0,0,5,1,1,1,10,3,0,1,19,5,60,10,43,21,4,31,0,1,1,1,52,14,0,2,15,183,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843807264275267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656408830300233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167938697195018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851797248626316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823461844459625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528303647710792,0.09742935909727816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24801912176467095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013650714489134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901161156511796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295285037647373,0.0830149969769503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580604361535036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198924006769724,0.0,0.0,0.08289498699626233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472753105342322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960850193917145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687942695090036,0.0,0.0,0.06361338966757371,0.07139758203566497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961608494726625,0.0,0.08196965286837726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955065156290915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370483713911065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465464675430153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793403842270056,0.0,0.0,0.15531181683866935,0.0,0.0,0.09569563624630847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508745859374774,0.0,0.0,0.07497018140163064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847782925608913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461575394364338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446707598242487,0.0,0.054740351813829365,0.0,0.0,0.5382201745397693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148401640602053,0.07451508160136992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470926424465816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683434719109398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418144790261808
bpd,AngloSaffer,2019/07/29,"Does Olanzapine/Zyprexa have sexual side effects at low doses? I’m a 29 year old male on Quetiapine (150mg) and Mirtazapine (45mg) to stabilise my mood and for anxiety. The Quetiapine helps but the effects start to wear off towards the end of the day, so I’m considering switching to Olanzapine. However, I’m a bit worried about sexual side effects on Olanzapine such as low libido etc. I haven’t had any sexual side effects from Quetiapine.  I was wondering if any of you could share your experience being on Olanzapine and whether it had sexual side effects?",7.776731391585763,8.221420475728156,9.320533980582523,58.81471682847899,62.68932038834952,13.468608414239485,40.467637540453076,12.745084868956482,5.8617715210356,451,24,74,17,6,159,66,103,0.08800000000000001,0.866,0.046,-0.4784,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,5,3,4,0,0,6,0,7,2,1,5,0,13,12,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,15,7,2,17,0,2,0,0,5,12,0,2,5,43,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757053717279065,0.0,0.2113228587366321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30158255564392106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055517763366306,0.0,0.0,0.17815195974453646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417395025230808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24466666480418545,0.0,0.3080806423791852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702157452742809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851578621122052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289867431784376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955241075288751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995705174259023,0.0,0.28053514870743645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788951560696362
bpd,wherearethejokes,2019/07/29,"Dissociation I know it may be a little difficult to explain/remember, but what exactly happens during a dissociative episode? Does the brain kind of shut off or are there any thoughts that form? Or is there any awareness of thoughts?

Also, is this a stupid question? lol",3.863125,7.082612395833337,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,81.29166666666666,7.366666666666666,33.0,8.344100000000001,3.268225,217,12,36,5,6,68,40,48,0.156,0.773,0.071,-0.6557,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,1,5,1,1,0,1,9,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,0,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241061831074291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811428242918099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128382265072946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24523811387310104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478134889738797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918246951996357,0.1540114455366152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808720417115017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139306334997646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31745496219151315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449552503755915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xans1nabag,2019/07/29,"Anybody else paronoid about whether people will see through your social mask / fake persona? I'm the textbook wolf in sheepskin I have my super cut down personality that comes off quite shy kind.
Typical response from middle aged women (I'm 18) is always like awwww /u/xans1nabag I'll do that for you lemme make u a cuppa.

But there's this 1 person who I can tell doesnt fall for it like my social masking isn't good enough and they can see the fact that I'm hiding my personality.

My strategy for this is always maintain the personality at %100 around said person and be friendly have a chat about their weekend and just re inforce my image and hopefully shake any doubt.

Still anybody else find it really frustrating / difficult trying to manage social masks and whether they are viewed as harmless in social setting?",5.992380382775121,7.666309697368423,5.946459330143544,77.04112440191388,67.15789473684211,8.158851674641149,30.92344497607656,8.575989854853784,2.517505263157896,662,26,112,10,11,208,109,152,0.13699999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.124,0.1451,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,3,2,6,14,2,2,5,0,12,0,0,1,1,16,21,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,6,8,7,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,6,0,0,1,4,12,8,15,18,1,14,0,0,3,0,20,7,0,2,5,64,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994456437595464,0.0,0.0,0.08987707102887413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765531424802805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384887409910112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081462953711392,0.0,0.0,0.1365622898645075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079687111580613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211073617772094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085414946986193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127016121173316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376300283610025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913877311730013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822149643330789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162691537058076,0.5770090765096184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405742760723953,0.0,0.0,0.08466860253666918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571965452938266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210637581327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5389043263135238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055475377107568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551847099167255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973169781130452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,giraffestafarian,2019/07/29,"I think my mother has BPD (not requesting diagnosis, just wanting to share my experience) Hi all

Strange to be posting here but I've been doing a bit of reading and a lot of what I have read about resonates with me very strongly in terms of my relationship with my mother.

She is very hot and cold. It's her way or the highway. She takes every offer for help as a criticism and every suggestion as if it was preceeded by the words ""You're wrong, a better way to do this would be to..."".

My whole 33 years I've been trying to crack her code. And I think a lot of it makes sense when I look at it through a BPD lens. How bloody eye opening. I'm usually pretty good at working out people but I've never worked her out - and now I know that her actions and reactions are just that - hers. 

I still don't know how I'm meant to react or behave in the lose-lose situations she puts me in (e.g. I'm either interfering, or not helping enough) or what to say when she goes on a pretty blatantly offensive rant at a quiet coffee shop (I usually sit there and hang my head in shame - if I apologise to other patrons I find it makes it worse because she's of course done nothing wrong).

I don't know what else to say. Just wanted to say I can't wait to work this out some more!",3.9473709025594985,4.34007299618321,5.238145487202517,84.95770767849125,70.94656488549619,8.454782218230804,26.862146385271664,8.4952907291091,1.611389043556354,983,30,215,15,17,329,149,262,0.114,0.7829999999999999,0.102,-0.5162,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,5,12,8,1,1,11,0,16,2,2,5,3,50,32,21,0,5,14,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,14,13,0,1,7,3,1,3,6,4,0,0,5,8,29,4,35,24,10,28,0,0,2,0,23,12,0,9,9,142,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957751285160513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094585450489443,0.12460921948339147,0.0,0.2875058268589091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680288151055812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534771814565783,0.0,0.0,0.11793514542602505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233250660725945,0.0,0.0,0.1116489414941722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432013534765706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573360443631744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713859668608376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300869527915864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881819078142567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584723896467408,0.12769131369806908,0.0,0.1940722243033464,0.0,0.0,0.15237610649157424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880303220089827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095185639953634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912897184053455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931272787880768,0.2322389170581388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147402933641113,0.0,0.0,0.2283379304223772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254158060229915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723015419635271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829598167481168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115081639028766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581762986636553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627014315507295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749226262389093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25141393483909513,0.18835173542649689,0.13464319103521288,0.18119498697667655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743108778736992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24928164010658346,0.0,0.1163164523938376,0.08108041570640291,0.24958414081495675,0.0,0.07350117995629211
bpd,zerophase,2019/07/29,"Does this sound like BPD or another psychiatric disorder? So, I have an ex that kind of fits BPD. She has the angry out bursts, and wore a ton of bracelets. (I believe to hide scratches from self harm.) Though, it more came across as her just having a mean and highly critical streak about everyone. The specific behaviors that really stand out was her belittling me for missing a turn, getting angry over me putting soy sauce on my rice, and just finding reasons to start fights. (maybe, a fact I stated was a bit off) I'm pretty sure a lot of the anger she was directing at me was over her being a perfectionist. It wasn't really over her being afraid I'd leave her; but, more her searching for reasons to leave me for other males that weren't available for something long term. 

Does that sound like BPD or another personality disorder?",5.545742232451097,6.849581974683543,5.69536248561565,79.81287111622557,67.86075949367088,9.542922899884926,30.186421173762945,9.800150414767053,2.8495113924050632,664,25,124,15,11,210,101,158,0.133,0.802,0.065,-0.7849,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,1,11,0,11,0,0,2,2,18,19,9,0,0,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,8,3,16,4,22,9,6,18,0,1,0,0,13,11,0,3,5,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753221807290852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791035907883435,0.0,0.0,0.143326428141901,0.0,0.4960369313503751,0.0,0.0,0.15015214309736036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009221116150565,0.0,0.229772304724029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544600223301572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199897763957362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685896590567063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870711110410572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671046423498512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27801830724341425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827594264018155,0.0,0.0,0.11618083265362553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116116400787659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318908616149336,0.14300506942947352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463076721966517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356144350909266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197511773215026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820579195921004,0.269960437148133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369562218268862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010676400811836,0.0,0.0,0.09292239031502322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373215079783245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898433570646065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427976015137524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vincentdoesart,2019/07/29,"How to not ruin your relationship as a bpd? For 3,5 years my girlfriend and I are a couple. It was always kinda difficult with us. But over time it seems to be gotten worse. Yesterday we hat a drama almost the whole day because of nothing. She came back from her family and I picked her up. 

From then it was a downward spiral, one thing happens after the other and again we talk about moving out and stuff. We even went to a local crisis center, but they couldn't help. I tried to find a good psychologist but the there I had just made things worse.

I see her suffering but I lack empathy to be there for her. I can see myself comforting her and wanting to do thatz but then i do the oppt and drive her away. Moving out feels like dying and I just want things to be good. It's always like a nightmare I just want to wake up from to be next to her and just have a good time. I don't understand why this sickness is destroying everything.

She is kinda the only person I can really talk to and I don't want to lose her. I also see, that I am such a burden and I don't want that either. What's your experience with relationships?",1.5549858836815351,3.678162627705632,3.3962205910032006,88.60190852625637,80.73160173160173,6.4416337285902525,18.701486918878228,7.586124646067393,0.4811093920572178,881,20,185,14,23,295,125,231,0.121,0.743,0.136,0.1512,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,2,1,1,13,12,1,0,14,0,20,2,1,3,0,46,36,20,1,7,11,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,13,18,0,0,4,1,0,5,5,6,0,1,7,4,35,6,29,24,3,25,0,3,3,0,24,9,0,4,13,145,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519396248062586,0.0,0.0,0.09199586515478116,0.19144170070494365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808200910412437,0.08845713854801518,0.0,0.07012611086591396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448863624365598,0.0,0.0,0.1315728514379329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728738400914094,0.0,0.07419000775404361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193913053539789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598152901392417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338875706742236,0.11252926022206376,0.10844760963691492,0.0,0.058166680759992276,0.08218318637012142,0.0,0.0,0.10514266861679264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28946530638195433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172774351454804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710756168792536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124035341481191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869812176389706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885175853879396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24453442492829414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234424217106706,0.0,0.0,0.11038208532970532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795274135817562,0.08749160004064907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004467641586024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369630302945059,0.0,0.0,0.2470155691057564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750112300981142,0.1047262952987656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169101333371955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849264100938156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292784517759968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415919224232511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810326608833544,0.0,0.0,0.11975863861719488,0.13837657699533004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33926203147034256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066413995174339,0.10380392242596008,0.12843584404921654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344671461165023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408071491982808
bpd,Vanillafapfrapp,2019/07/29,"DAE Have a hard time being affectionate? I have a really hard time being affectionate with my husband, and it only seems to be getting worse. I can see that it's really hurting him and I'm still continuing with my my therapy and my DBT workbook, but I don't know what to do to start making this part better. I don't know why I push him away, I don't know why I can't even comfort him or hug him to help him feel better but I do know it feels foreign to me now. I used to be affectionate, overly affectionate in fact. I remember not wanting him to go to work and to stay in bed with me all day.. Now I feel like I've forgotten how to do any of this. 
I can't even stand the thought of sex most of the time, my psychiatrist has given zero answers as to what might be the cause other than it's something he's doing, when all he's really done is try to be there for me and be understanding in all of this. 

I seriously don't understand what's wrong with me, why can't I be there for him like he is for me?",3.84610776320454,3.5616344331797265,5.873917050691245,82.68032612548744,71.02764976958525,9.441900035448423,26.83055654023396,9.265573868473778,1.8258616802552283,780,22,182,15,13,275,103,217,0.063,0.768,0.16899999999999998,0.9807,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,0,0,5,0,27,2,0,4,4,37,47,11,0,1,4,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,12,9,0,0,13,0,0,2,8,3,0,1,3,6,31,10,30,35,5,19,0,1,1,2,12,5,0,4,12,129,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059302246187988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516299223674807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356415475210699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685190619568866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591479230940106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632858867291855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597888131306286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207754850448567,0.09517119086604957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960107121292586,0.0,0.07571103844113854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23867488702200115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929342843398437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261296151186606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29285320789254554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016747920008104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889242597306682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132357991672806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131853161721578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442624531328172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560291915484065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091038155519573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615774923474383,0.12127695066100133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255796735769072,0.0,0.0,0.09429260903956728,0.1419929985467381,0.10638831845727184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234675331261902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576046149289538,0.2330420123982563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044649121632553,0.0,0.0,0.2773699282567369,0.0,0.11505785137286567,0.0,0.0,0.07857561376424395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606264255569429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698451995446994,0.0,0.13576084416084566,0.0,0.14565331450907046,0.0,0.0
bpd,poster_boy9,2019/07/29,"Advice to be happy with BPD My brother who is pretty close to me gave me the advice to learn to be happy with BPD. I don't know what to think. I know he is trying to really help as he logically understands I could live the rest of my life with this. Therefore, his advice makes sense. But at the same time I got so frustrated with this statement he made. In my eyes, I really don't know how I can learn to be happy with this as it affects work, relationships, and enjoyment in everyday living.",3.893457142857141,4.824311260000002,5.439428571428577,81.50900000000003,71.4,8.914285714285715,24.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,1.7752714285714286,386,10,79,8,7,131,60,100,0.04,0.7709999999999999,0.18899999999999997,0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,9,2,1,5,0,24,18,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,12,4,18,11,2,6,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,2,54,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567439091936895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392454480622955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243952670866317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460914007652164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975625696151657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443083657230832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25687421260551896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004760250883644,0.0,0.0,0.27515214660340115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742367619638067,0.10399908479393276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850670675140285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962157820008053,0.0,0.0,0.1672731050198576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983166896081752,0.0,0.0,0.09084943404406144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057793715439418,0.0,0.0,0.16219543899172295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342575518753766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiredhermit,2019/07/29,"My boyfriend just broke up with me... My world is shattered He said that he doesn't think we should we should be in a relationship while we're dealing with our issues ( his issue being depression and feeling unhappy with his life/ mine being BPD). He doesn't want me out of his life and hopes we can be together in the future when we're better mentally but he says we need to work on ourselves before we can do that and be happy with ourselves. He also said that he doesn't want anyone else, that he truly loves me and doesn't want out of his life but we ""shouldn't be in a relationship while we're dealing with what we're dealing with""...

I've been crying non stop for 4 hours now. I feel like I've lost my soul mate. He is unhappy with life and deals with depression but to me, he was my happiness. He was my everything. I feel lost. I feel victimized that someone would use my issues against me. I'm tired of apologizing for my issues because I didn't ask to be molested by grown men as a child. I feel like if he did truly love me like he claims, he would've accepted me as I am, not left me and we'll get back together once you're fixed. I don't know what to think. I feel sick to my stomach, my eyes and head hurt from crying. I just don't get how he can say that he truly loves me and yet he's left me...I feel like I don't have any reason to live. I feel like I'm mourning the loss of my relationship. I'm mourning the loss of my future. I thought he was the ONE, the one I would marry and have a family and kids with. I'm mourning the loss of that family I'll never get to have. I just don't know how to go on from here.... Everything is just bleak now",2.285820552947314,3.3482408788732414,3.863974960876373,90.778080333855,75.4225352112676,7.400104329681794,22.44392279603548,7.921354282810032,0.7828633281168496,1292,33,302,19,27,431,140,355,0.196,0.654,0.15,-0.9277,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,8,0,0,7,13,27,2,0,10,0,38,12,3,4,1,66,73,22,3,11,9,0,8,5,1,6,6,4,0,3,9,27,0,1,15,0,0,2,12,14,0,2,11,13,47,13,39,49,0,25,1,12,1,3,49,11,0,2,17,175,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626936441035074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331230099818754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548166480701685,0.08032646767198899,0.0,0.0,0.07329013467039623,0.0,0.0,0.06028206108191255,0.0,0.047789772177192484,0.0,0.06670963814997755,0.0,0.0,0.06933532388991731,0.0,0.0,0.09873763377046063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222972438017592,0.0,0.3232933520205539,0.13504556257537392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654902071235941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091541894808945,0.0,0.14781046585112725,0.0,0.3171169639951814,0.22402587024587967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287678976141288,0.0,0.04455453147021063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669090410980281,0.0,0.0,0.08045741532502672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786540289405099,0.07720475010923866,0.0,0.08392506314228307,0.0,0.0,0.327302266783678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616932045744334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035602984008225,0.0,0.22149503517629945,0.1915028233606534,0.0,0.06922553626947595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115805768133274,0.0,0.21226767696675172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900522208037157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813000339660191,0.060464205474932024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348970243220785,0.1062469800219762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060464783261644,0.0,0.25250547105817583,0.0,0.0,0.14914602772280752,0.12468806966114455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642509090791708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554297534839355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004666095583928,0.0,0.06223805546601543,0.0,0.09010523176627422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677093956896739,0.0,0.0,0.13872084157075298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057073577848151376,0.0,0.0,0.16707184990523832,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NAM31322,2019/07/29,"Weekend Madness Now i guess i could of not listened to my SO and not calmed down but i wanted to trash the apartment an rip the tv off the wall and punch straight through it... all because the wifi isnt working i was having deep thoughts of pure anger at xfinity for not fixing this issue! 

Its not that it just wouldnt work its that it would work for 10 minutes then cut off, for an hour an even now the fucking wifi has done it again!!! Its probably not that big of a deal im sure... but god it is to me! 

Idk why im this way but lord help me.",0.2721794871794856,2.171250341880345,1.6261752136752143,100.76951923076923,84.04273504273505,4.583760683760684,20.86111111111111,5.46131890053228,-0.35163760683760703,418,13,103,2,12,133,75,117,0.11800000000000001,0.813,0.069,-0.7115,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,4,0,9,0,9,1,0,0,3,20,14,7,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,1,7,2,14,8,1,16,1,0,0,1,3,9,1,1,6,70,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837891929669012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814580289302286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171178541839272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551543141598328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909835382100172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469496278339088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199804215980746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115976655295032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739714654520347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549651384201214,0.21981016742060772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270608526786789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848663783036985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671917219071353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421647919942612,0.16716332372828516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900324317896783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599547504039784,0.0,0.0,0.14960316513058936,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sabrinaissad,2019/07/29,"DAE feel like they’re not real? when i take a minute to reflect, i feel like i am not real. i feel like i don’t have any significance in anyone’s life and like i am just floating through life/this world. i don’t have any true interests/hobbies and i just lay around all day. i don’t go out of my way to hang out and talk to my friends and family. i never think to do it because i truly don’t realize that i have a place in their life. i just don’t feel real. anyone else relate?",-0.12681818181818014,1.7082963867924583,2.3059176672384254,95.69371355060035,85.13207547169812,5.363979416809607,18.12692967409949,6.574015621080383,-0.20879999999999965,371,9,90,4,11,127,57,106,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,3,25,18,5,0,0,5,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,16,6,11,18,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,7,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103995482588284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216995003326305,0.15898858041594954,0.0,0.13813296272167094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945893459162156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007091824031226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962346488637666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462791581490503,0.0,0.31383165096522203,0.3325574631790434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198828850534128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818589830779666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288005395275899,0.3032301846617748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967559974991858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621181740369213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5298475550439931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166674855775926,0.12471865299113713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942578141315662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231656220449798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HyaluronicFlaccid,2019/07/29,"How do you deal with the fact that you’ve treated people badly - that you have been a “bad person”? I’ve lost friendships and by proxy more than a few people know about the destructive things I’ve done. Never anything violent or life ruining, but lying, manipulating, gossiping, talking shit.

I’m working hard to stop those behaviors, have been on new medicine that’s helped.

But still - how do you go on and make peace with the knowledge of what you’ve done?",5.672015503875973,7.021778372093022,5.367441860465117,82.10992248062018,67.6046511627907,8.524031007751939,29.449612403100772,8.841846274778883,2.2465333333333333,364,13,68,6,6,112,62,86,0.298,0.618,0.083,-0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,2,4,9,3,0,5,0,8,2,1,4,2,16,13,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,5,1,3,1,9,8,2,7,0,2,0,0,8,2,1,1,4,42,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978520007707868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648327468137473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252367416184337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44714879596687335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416361091208825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570947920444826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464382834175918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006740532094368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431440113435518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384897986484571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583285889584116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850034856089854,0.21100321407768788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029242431950905,0.1907627656256288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242600637815021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447334035432358,0.18265375531150332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560084549370858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514418632769774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905142034849334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mistress-bulldops,2019/07/29,"Does anyone else live their life in envy? It's like, I completely forget I'm my own person with my own experiences. When I hear stories about people going out, having fun, laughing, looking back at the good times, I feel so low. It's unreasonably hard for me to just look back at good memories. It may be because I have a fear it'll never happen ever again, because my lows have been getting the best of me lately. 

I know this seems like something childish to ask about, but it's just so intensely sad for me that I can't really enjoy my memories or experiences, and lust after others' joy.",5.7769211822660145,6.0345374310344875,6.843546798029558,75.513275862069,66.93103448275862,9.387192118226602,29.5024630541872,9.23628265651192,2.483070443349754,466,15,86,8,7,157,84,116,0.16,0.685,0.155,0.0922,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,11,13,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,0,2,14,19,6,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,5,14,9,13,15,3,16,0,3,2,1,4,6,0,3,11,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172086051333365,0.17836564458511447,0.0,0.0,0.16274140381220345,0.0,0.0,0.2677137186139218,0.0,0.2122352386704829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268633561148206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825196833780466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233867741268114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542159447758116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746542581746936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405675019723813,0.0,0.1958885209612448,0.08802013416494245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094967261119744,0.0,0.09893373822092164,0.292020274275422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393846641161787,0.0,0.15594158578937345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620093578694173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566987589703754,0.0,0.19636994653584866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295792989102128,0.17009349729194426,0.0,0.15371592647240276,0.0,0.29236689849722225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342613125713712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206852295808842,0.1520000375155615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152017607602877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847599420070385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401537350361326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015075120871598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Depressed_peeps,2019/07/29,"I feel that my BPD would get better if I had a romantic partner that I actually love My current relationship status is single but I'm talking to this dude. We started talking in March and in March I didn't know I had bpd. I was rushing into talking to this dude because he was first person to DM me and wanting a relationship. At the time, this was all I was asking for cause I wanted to lose my virginity and do all the other sexual stuff my friends where doing that I couldn't relate to but now that I had a big bpd breakdown and those rushed thoughts where out of my bpd craziness, I don't really like the guy. He's hyper sexual and  I honestly don't think about sex that much and I would rather give a person kisses on their forehead than on their privates.I've told her countless times that I'm not be in relationship and he's ok with that but we still text and do sexual stuff ( which I think kinda messes up with my bpd emotions ). I've also been discovering my sexuality and opening my love to everyone regardless of gender. All I want is someone that I truly love to spend time with me and get to do all the fun things that my friends are doing with their bf/gf. I really just want someone to take me out of my loneliness",4.770340000000001,5.2605483840000025,6.0325500000000005,79.64202500000002,69.16,8.97,28.825,9.017664075816787,2.20166,976,33,196,17,16,329,127,250,0.052000000000000005,0.763,0.185,0.9883,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,3,3,8,13,0,0,8,1,23,7,1,1,4,46,44,15,0,10,7,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,4,18,20,0,0,5,0,1,2,5,2,0,1,11,1,36,11,29,29,6,26,0,1,0,6,27,14,0,2,11,143,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.09411904264859987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712919100550547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016558020585637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879362284761588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530015308896102,0.0,0.0,0.6073625104596093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990783558486399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849068122108498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921599107178759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876685515099527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203836452102314,0.0,0.0,0.1490305078535516,0.0,0.1007798852464657,0.09252142244289867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549838668526067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300513370545115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711947455691472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790030615915708,0.0,0.0,0.2611434450043015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090015706268288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684288233093738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357373286711665,0.0,0.0,0.3106462064165069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343964679214354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826617861617514,0.0,0.07702325796745152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081908364111166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251666748710166,0.2325630241439236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640755664062523,0.12359958380328552,0.0,0.07656870064729562,0.16871828879797504,0.0,0.0,0.0921599107178759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275494098102467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370273580068101,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cooliocoolio123,2019/07/29,"What's it like for partners? I have BPD. Undiagnosed, but I 100% have it. I've always known it. 
I'm really curious to find out how partners feel being with someone who has BPD? 
The guilt I feel for my husband when I have an outburst, is awful. He must feel like he can never do anything right.",0.6752142857142864,2.9927829499999987,2.8961904761904758,89.56500000000004,86.16666666666666,5.428571428571429,21.904761904761905,6.868970318607317,0.6934761904761908,227,8,47,3,7,77,44,60,0.105,0.757,0.138,0.2731,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,9,0,0,1,2,11,13,3,0,1,1,1,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,5,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651999960419488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413504443978887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6554641966071307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394718067654702,0.1858978834267184,0.0,0.0,0.2378320970140029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542561320719857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069410391811288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670060330648964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222224696465428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047960430027616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NaturesCreditCard,2019/07/29,I'm currently standing outside a department store and it's taking every fibre of my being not to go in and shoplift something The only thing stopping me is they I'm not wearing nice clothes so I'd probably look suspicious.,3.98988372093023,6.470442813953492,5.342034883720931,75.90979651162795,74.34883720930233,8.020930232558143,36.33139534883721,8.841846274778883,3.834958139534884,183,11,29,4,4,61,38,43,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.6632,1,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35053520924100906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364475247484998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349372371403253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164203860533264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44856604940146855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32029117582129346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34783160712039546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128134850673077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764013009666585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Prfctly_Imprfcttt,2019/07/29,"Gaming ... ?? It's so Weird, I love gaming but I slick wish I had friends but when it comes to talking to people online I'm like a fucking mute, terrified, last time I did I got basically roasted the whole time so now I just find ways to play alone and it's honestly lonely ASF especially when watching others with all their friends laughing and having fun, playing their face games and I'm just alone, silent, sad, pathetic 😔😔",1.7869879518072267,4.437233783132534,3.0012168674698816,88.32857228915665,84.66265060240964,5.7296385542168675,23.96265060240964,7.1686216300943375,1.1490250602409635,336,13,65,5,10,108,58,83,0.213,0.478,0.309,0.9054,0,4,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,7,13,1,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,12,10,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,1,8,9,4,7,2,8,0,2,1,2,9,0,1,0,7,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001362759482275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079867604667546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067982750560164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730854853776248,0.2232155234482842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931086608320492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968129964216066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795968683861816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179169673284964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739019555784115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406739821998187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815814720304585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165081763762676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695689607576756,0.27765420227554605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frothbile,2019/07/29,"Best job for a recovering BPD? What do you think the best job would be for someone who has identified that they have a problem and has only recently begun the long journey towards recovery?

By job, I mean something sustainable where you could earn enough money to live modestly.

There probably isn't a single right answer. I am just curious what other people think. If you have BPD, what is the most ideal job for you?

My thought is that it would probably be something you could do on your own schedule, either alone or with others, that expresses the boiling creativity inside most people with BPD. A writer, perhaps.",6.386517857142856,8.072660330357145,6.516428571428572,73.27857142857144,66.23214285714286,9.528571428571428,32.75,9.827888789773867,3.491603571428572,495,21,79,11,8,158,75,112,0.039,0.815,0.146,0.9304,5,1,2,1,0,0,13.0,0,6,1,4,3,4,0,0,8,0,16,1,0,0,0,20,20,3,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,3,1,0,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,3,9,13,8,9,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,4,4,67,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480515188288492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731870357794584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917909512992409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784225010605212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448872322424704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166496749612737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493251031756302,0.11518634723007345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417809737349138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899155101300773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047129809249388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806661701913565,0.12454429064797785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285160066306298,0.0,0.0,0.11115481243495384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102830379876093,0.2004050413173212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680086947527184,0.0,0.10333146317780094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849220017909778,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,girlgonewild6,2019/07/29,"What were some early signs of bpd that you experienced as a child but didn’t realise it was part of bpd until later on? I have a few and didn’t even realise the connection until a while ago, here are just a few (don’t mind me ranting)

I went to an after school club every day and hated everything about it there, I’d constantly check the clock to see if it was time for my mum to pick me up, if she was even a minute late I’d have horrible thoughts of her getting into a car crash or straight up abandoning me, I’d cry in the bathroom and lash out on her when she arrived accusing her of being 5 minutes late 

If my best friend spoke to other people at school or cancel plans with me I’d have intense mental breakdowns and constantly message her paragraph after paragraph of how I felt she was abandoning me and I’d need constant reassurance from her that I was her best friend 

If I ever had arguments with my parents I’d punish myself afterwards in strange ways because of how guilty I felt, I’d threaten to move out and literally pack bags full of clothes

If there was ever any silence around someone I was with I’d cry and feel guilt and never knew why 

I think the main thing that made me realise I had it was when the first person I had feelings for my whole life depended on them, if they didn’t reply to me quick enough I’d experience suicidal thoughts, unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the thought of them leaving me, overthinking and misinterpreting everything they ever said and EXTREME infatuation with them, I’ve always had really bad obsessive crushes on people and I’d idolise them to a sickening point",10.136942367976854,7.084244956112856,9.664012539184956,69.48206655413553,60.253918495297796,12.824789004099353,41.466361224981924,10.891193690592663,4.357485941644562,1307,54,246,24,13,424,171,319,0.222,0.6990000000000001,0.079,-0.9952,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,6,4,16,13,2,3,14,0,22,1,0,5,4,54,39,28,1,7,10,2,4,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,10,20,0,2,9,1,1,3,5,8,0,1,26,8,39,5,43,12,10,45,0,2,1,0,27,16,0,10,25,175,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252550443076796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685151953845889,0.0,0.0,0.07098116029983692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291925766121154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715193440903478,0.06362834498021969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907821261495744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629228781749986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383891903456987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293104114009563,0.0673156881106034,0.10760995499154452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785119805107238,0.0,0.1378824201292609,0.2832497892188509,0.08794363710167287,0.0,0.18761786217805648,0.1021024908035882,0.0,0.0,0.10555411056026656,0.0,0.20044002508691044,0.0,0.0,0.08878455020344693,0.0,0.0,0.16128559709376106,0.0,0.054533612617725435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305245103229507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23548765568246802,0.11052207341717156,0.0,0.0,0.07372583017004569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876574015708732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518927579587536,0.0,0.10539282849189502,0.0,0.0,0.11093814099164608,0.0,0.07739555434803952,0.08050336190449438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590030010050782,0.1130320639801703,0.0,0.1447262286864992,0.09113953822779164,0.0,0.0,0.09867170003698293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686772922415048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928813710588512,0.0,0.0,0.2112738273017746,0.08317638611375328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843981477795146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417346100693562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934463376524724,0.06688171758041216,0.0,0.2485953134118281,0.06086411509818599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285102950307902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676018923454784,0.09418562793319496,0.11653519768998725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AvoidantSavoidant,2019/07/29,"I deserve a break, don’t i? CW death


I feel like living for the past 27 yrs have been a living hell. I don’t know why I keep living and performing, but I’m tired. I don’t want to do big grandiose things anymore. I just want to rest and be at peace for a bit. And that concept is so far from my life that death seems like a more realistic alternative. Life with BPD is unbearable.",0.16555555555555654,2.253401851851855,2.050864197530867,96.38888888888893,86.03703703703705,5.575308641975309,18.876543209876548,6.937597516519254,4.691358024677683e-05,294,8,71,4,9,97,54,81,0.17,0.682,0.149,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,5,0,9,3,0,0,0,12,16,5,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,8,2,7,14,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149050529582439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365768427456288,0.0,0.2729221042842571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956844139971247,0.15480827721615195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261012222154367,0.0,0.0,0.11909092493882335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061187957438995,0.21173427610983386,0.0,0.5740418817244478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686166880121964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727267912705468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396376229713792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906115856332536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556268401677357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553520748964626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,comradeted,2019/07/29,"What music do you listen to that helps? What music helps with your intense emotions?
I personally love almost every genre but the one that really helps when my emotions are extremely intense is deathcore but I love classic music from 60's, 70's and 80's when I'm not too far into one emotion.",3.7710526315789465,5.948466807017546,5.003368421052631,79.49557894736844,73.91228070175438,6.665263157894738,27.18947368421053,7.554174236665415,1.8026589473684216,236,9,40,3,5,78,41,57,0.0,0.706,0.294,0.9465,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,1,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695268802069652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.697436346810365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413052277142474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155847272131567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730600601459802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800933141851051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045848409025744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239971679676993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tossitinthetrash2012,2019/07/29,"My brain is my own worst enemy. I think I missed the opportunity to get back with my ex husband who I’ve wanted to get back with for a long time. After he divorced me I decided to make my own way and had done a great job living life. 


Recently we had an opportunity to work closely together and we grew close and thought we’d try again. All of a sudden I begin to push him away to the point where I couldn’t even be nice to him. 


Last week I found out he was interested in someone new and it killed me and now I feel like I missed the opportunity to have him back. I’m so sad and distraught. Why did I push him away? Why did I begin to over think everything and overreact to everything to the point where I just couldn’t be around him yet now I don’t want to lose him?


I lost my opportunity. I’m so sad. I don’t know what to do. 


tl;dr: I push/pulled my ex husband away and I’m afraid I’ve lost him forever.",0.9560260770975048,2.631460872448983,3.346462585034016,90.46441043083902,80.58163265306122,7.008616780045352,20.5827664399093,7.984000788550335,0.6501120181405899,705,19,170,13,18,244,101,196,0.182,0.7,0.11800000000000001,-0.9372,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,3,0,0,8,16,19,1,2,8,0,16,2,1,1,1,30,36,10,1,4,1,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,16,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,11,0,0,10,1,33,8,25,21,4,34,0,7,0,0,18,13,0,0,18,109,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234982214673984,0.0,0.0,0.3910213840414156,0.3200221112661409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548674434460309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196793177348985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916291955305442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24936135821259145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014555029214213,0.09910802468651313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521091869906944,0.0,0.0,0.14496035241772195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294921127973996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376671253850643,0.0,0.1534830831085778,0.0,0.07624182983637733,0.1130826501908916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798839477824332,0.06777598149475747,0.0,0.1225002478508799,0.12277079866901056,0.0,0.15520226450505942,0.3028781807629496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260268415702748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398533181955613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26228749067630325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697815023406587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175446307568008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778388200175466,0.0,0.1101353291170599,0.08089399501251884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418788398784028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365191604390514,0.11011662219342573,0.11128003508514184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503626875700985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099636360950592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veganbpd,2019/07/29,"By myself - husband away for a week... Feeling really empty Currently unemployed , and besides binging on food, not sure what to do with myself. Any movie suggestions ? I feel so empty that I don't even know what I feel like watching.",4.23,6.860714142857147,5.081190476190475,77.33464285714288,74.23809523809524,8.009523809523811,29.54761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.9360761904761907,182,8,29,4,4,59,35,42,0.146,0.759,0.095,-0.2842,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,6,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,6,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,21,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273375042096325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215441079849785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260451408391216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191378371233024,0.24449507898475545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413835858505176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880851955908676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720032511237265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924659076763134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225555067372441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27452288604911085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Annadel12,2019/07/17,"Anyone else have major issues with boundries?? I know i do
And then i feel guilty when i implement them...",1.2143333333333324,3.8684931000000002,2.3500000000000014,90.08833333333334,93.0,4.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,0.05166666666666675,82,2,15,1,3,26,17,20,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548082310113797,0.5199240176380159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238942977386588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565728500828869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5296271405307329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788713395957939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,touchmeanal,2019/07/17,"I used to act out in friend groups, like just act obnoxious, and the more obnoxious I let myself get, the more euphoric and insanely good I felt. Has anyone else experienced this? This is just one symptom of my disorder that I’ve connected the dots to since being diagnosed. I can almost induce an episode myself just by acting out like a crazy person and I literally feel like I’m on a stimulant or something and it feels better and better the crazier I get.",4.498555194805191,6.3673136931818215,5.6719480519480525,76.78863636363641,71.1590909090909,9.119480519480518,28.48051948051948,9.606745405546679,2.8539883116883122,367,14,65,9,7,122,60,88,0.121,0.643,0.23600000000000002,0.9134,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,7,0,5,2,0,3,0,18,12,6,0,0,4,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,9,7,8,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181113995839036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523021087625901,0.2231783745739771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852813483471039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210787959407678,0.0,0.0,0.2496361658293329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819574344541188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026876889222036,0.15560789311737366,0.2091376514295552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828420856052592,0.0,0.22759988504082565,0.0,0.0,0.18269384305209035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273175947076987,0.0,0.3192418893743679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475978528118895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018865088516948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017976090799467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768550522176584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263943685769271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812320909110752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lovelylittlefangirl0,2019/07/17,"im thinking about bringing up bpd with my psychologist.. hi! 🌸 I want to start this by saying that I've never been diagnosed, and I've never talked to others with bpd.. but everyday it seems more and more likely that it's the right diagnosis for me. since first learning about bpd over 3yrs ago, I always come back to the possibility that I could have it

I absolutely need support.. my symptoms have drained me almost completely, and they turn my otherwise healthy relationship into a rollercoaster. my psychologist is a sweetheart, but I still feel hesitant to bring this up, does anyone have experiences they can share? how did your psychologist react? has your diagnosis helped you at all? also! how do you best cope with the symptoms? bpd ultimately may not be the best fit for me, but I have almost all of the same symptoms and I'm coping very poorly.. 


I'm very grateful to anyone who takes the time to reply 🌸",3.993223684210527,6.497528742690058,5.070522660818714,77.74508223684212,74.43859649122807,8.017690058479532,26.47697368421053,8.841846274778883,2.2844061403508764,729,27,130,16,16,239,105,171,0.031,0.784,0.185,0.9855,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,2,3,7,6,0,0,8,0,13,4,0,3,4,31,27,10,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,2,19,6,20,22,7,19,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,4,10,93,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366522455475648,0.0,0.2342082654032219,0.0,0.0,0.09352135970578228,0.0973081133820027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354217513888944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992395319914231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454543992546137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5891555928125382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073828540097196,0.1226152440075682,0.0,0.0,0.09337155127795456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869732946902165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233988881109808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439524379652255,0.0,0.0,0.059131212746292974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947387361416823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838617529733062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632132357981912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057133716453348124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867136858144096,0.18039132324831944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183860054737653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255558162989207,0.0,0.0998709094398848,0.0,0.09299984057831442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646288848755743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673861463347136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277470258500162,0.0,0.09339291285411154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327084890110354,0.0,0.3646537901912545,0.0879285424404588,0.09399644912510458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493402294033498,0.0,0.0,0.06819192392191778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720323869285388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192984746700325,0.06897754899368623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,halftimealien,2019/07/17,"Just a short thing I need to share with someone. In addition to the borderline, I was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder two days earlier, and I really don't know what to do.
I was looking for a sign to stay alive, but I really want to die right now... help.",6.167243589743593,6.124715596153848,7.962307692307696,68.84935897435899,66.11538461538461,13.856410256410255,34.641025641025635,13.023866798666859,5.038710256410257,209,9,41,9,3,74,39,52,0.14,0.698,0.162,-0.1916,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,8,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,5,1,9,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187382124763926,0.0,0.0,0.2862353175341045,0.29268298502487194,0.0,0.3232091385792596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902608741817672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498591846743728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23681828719959244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091076480378433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462412039374633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613270479287588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24083592784963134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894707928516026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005862965146215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735563551220655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27548385468184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633744606768838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dyingtolive21,2019/07/17,Impulsivity  Anyone else have a huge problem with being impulsive because of emotions? Then that behavior usually ends up affecting myself or people I care about in a super bad way. Had this problem my whole life.,5.2174324324324335,8.492847432432434,6.514797297297302,64.83003378378382,74.67567567567569,9.105405405405406,33.57432432432432,9.516144504307137,4.408627027027028,173,9,23,5,4,58,35,37,0.192,0.605,0.203,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,5,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860393997775858,0.2726158632104144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215383668389765,0.1621912474467929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27127182432094565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222638423456192,0.29928822330283833,0.23565533398762994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879301491819004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844565309393977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091780918971416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930338987829947,0.0,0.0,0.21119065459792866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970529736499268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,concernedstar,2019/07/17,"Extreme Jealousy My boyfriend is very open with his feelings and his past and sometimes brings up his ex-girlfriends or points out girls he finds attractive when we're out and about. It makes me feel so bad about myself, like I'm a piece of garbage and I'll never amount to what those girls are, even though he tells me I'm cute and reassures me I'm the best girlfriend he's had. It dials my already potent self-loathing up to 10, and makes me extremely impulsive and emotionally unstable. I usually resort to really bad and dangerous coping skills. Is this a trait of BPD? Or am I just a jealous bitch? I wish that I could let it go and feel secure, but I feel so undesirable and gross every time I see a cute girl at this point. I'd love to hear your guy's input on this, because I am to my wits end with myself.",2.7711015490533555,4.514871445783137,3.7487435456110174,89.30481927710846,75.50602409638554,7.152495697074013,24.507745266781413,7.957251820313856,1.2152251290877794,644,21,137,10,14,207,107,166,0.145,0.722,0.133,-0.475,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,8,14,3,0,5,0,8,1,0,2,1,29,23,17,0,2,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,9,15,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,6,20,8,17,20,3,17,0,0,1,1,16,9,1,2,7,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454273882867067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27926054633419783,0.10194200795430028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549782962255805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106206451434146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351974662124047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881115221743098,0.14811636453885166,0.0,0.0,0.11045400264571492,0.0,0.14089869783248102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382265555292661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284541846280156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504080464530816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558423896285654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848064517398425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100426036709962,0.0,0.08170025280689491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509318293291815,0.0,0.22325498028564586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289782778754832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964019569839374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161732788480181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713198004086777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326085752276176,0.0,0.17445762184917735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539499287732773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616660908359294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430287111445113,0.0,0.09751330334616698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841804937742734,0.13798246965227107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192306533924964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KawfeeCraze,2019/07/17,"What kind of paranoia is this? Every time a mutual friend talks about something my ex and I used to do or talk about I’m convinced they are talking to that mutual friend to get my attention, lur me back to them or try to comfort my heart from afar. It could even be people my ex DOESNT know and has secretly messaged and talked to them about me. WHAT IS THIS?",2.9126484018264835,4.561855630136988,3.7029452054794514,90.18446347031966,74.89041095890411,7.0584474885844735,23.125570776255714,7.793537801064563,0.9532392694063928,283,8,60,4,6,90,51,73,0.028999999999999998,0.82,0.151,0.8647,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,8,1,1,1,0,10,12,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,11,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,0,0,2,2,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168670352849608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751370123296367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488182094964322,0.0,0.184815936248874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389460524117338,0.0,0.11460386453344235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599365736931265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22842433887209074,0.12055169834537108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207304550948114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887009342038972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7052365327147487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790758702446814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892755594479895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945217627334465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,merenneitoja,2019/07/17,"Dissasociation I got diagnosed with BPD about 8 months ago, but I've dealt with dissasociation for as long as I can remember, and I'm starting to think I might have a dissasociation disorder as well? I cant find too much on dissasociation in regards to BPD, most things I've read on it say it happens fairly often/its a common symptom but I'll dissasociation (I guess derealization and depersonalization are better descriptions for what I experience the most) for weeks on end fairly often and I'm just wondering if thats normal for BPD? How often do you typically disassociate for/how long? (Also sorry I'm on mobile)",7.3444596273291936,8.065058973913047,9.69714285714286,54.80000000000001,63.60869565217392,11.788819875776394,32.95031055900621,11.491704259439757,4.121683229813663,502,19,85,15,7,184,73,115,0.048,0.885,0.067,0.466,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,0,21,15,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,7,2,17,13,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,8,8,54,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074846310636666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697592372699476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404275811962266,0.0,0.0,0.5999317363298979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115786918274028,0.0,0.0,0.18197508442547916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063152529699313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531683667490706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512160354464254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269904858775283,0.0,0.17491354079283006,0.0,0.1404082039957991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810297550724502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843997760558965,0.0,0.0,0.12673629696945793,0.0,0.11672121563910302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555702162274857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588224866778062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986624245285868,0.0,0.0,0.1262678462016053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774067169728253,0.1123849605589941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503271550567314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548605692212598,0.10173950433743063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736335245624214,0.0,0.14276185595149601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218961493316362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StephenCharles1,2019/07/17,"DAE Get lots of anxiety about posting online? Like when I go online I go through like a whole thread of possibilities of what could happen if I post it. I get so much anxiety about it, even getting the courage to post this took a lot of talking through.  “What if no one responds, what if they get mad at you, what if they tell you don’t belong or are in the wrong place, what if they...” and on and on. I’m really afraid of people misunderstanding me and since I’m not in person I can’t be sure that they got it the way I wanted it to be received. If that makes sense? What if people think I come across as pretentious or mean, or some other thing. And then if they are mad I can’t just quickly explain myself cause I’m not in person and its hard for me to translate my tone to text so I’m just afraid so most of the time I say nothing online and just silently view.  So idk if anyone else does but yeah haha 😅",1.2469270833333326,3.0767148385416685,2.8283333333333367,93.78333333333336,80.30208333333334,5.5166666666666675,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.029970833333333943,707,18,162,6,18,232,107,192,0.08199999999999999,0.843,0.075,0.5289,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,5,0,12,10,2,2,6,2,8,0,0,2,1,37,27,26,0,11,18,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,16,7,0,0,3,0,0,5,6,5,0,1,2,3,20,5,23,22,6,21,0,0,1,0,15,8,0,16,6,113,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866579362076727,0.0,0.0,0.0999325190766331,0.14643774374373048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468175215869315,0.0,0.12311234846950565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410945612499918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506966942600758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939076180531415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439687003365474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867780608522426,0.0,0.1624486984464239,0.0,0.11430564470297115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638309215388355,0.0,0.12802764810416295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964633170726284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24300980826234395,0.0,0.0,0.0953997630397682,0.0,0.0,0.15568104938729882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506215258526792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713495237773496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684583727456064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816453739313533,0.24958329385140804,0.14932028176936024,0.0,0.0,0.16112007135833162,0.41063163682209824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155778291533218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136551881473203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822434725594642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469977781909304,0.0,0.0,0.11487314434154924,0.12491779447034125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949492527754128,0.09157693629321427,0.0,0.0,0.08333741106735333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878863510971333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429752416851402,0.1134427123751496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159564328800949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625985228561812,0.0,0.0
bpd,grady1019,2019/07/17,Bpd and bipolar impulse hypersexual desires have strengthened 12 year relationship this weekend This weekend I had the terrible impulse to find Compassion and intimacy and sex elsewhere. I got in my car and I sat and then I got up and went back in the house and talk to him about it. it broke my heart that I was hurting him but it would have broke my heart even more if I gave in to this sexual desire.. This is the 1st time in 17 years that I have been able to make progress with grabbing my thoughts and just communicating them in a different way.  I also have not self harmed in 73 days. I feel good and I am proud. I may feel different when I wake up tomorrow but I will cherish today For the positivity and progress I have made thus far. 1st time That I'm understanding I can live with and have a semi regular Relationship with this condition,3.6506798623063688,5.612915909638557,4.743924268502583,82.1698795180723,73.63855421686746,8.357314974182444,28.72461273666093,9.04235418022936,2.364682960413081,675,28,136,15,14,221,97,166,0.054000000000000006,0.772,0.174,0.9719,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,6,8,0,0,6,0,15,5,3,3,0,31,27,17,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,14,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,5,0,0,10,3,22,3,17,14,1,24,0,3,0,1,8,9,0,2,12,93,33,0,0.1614982611858257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915010112259012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418219415916205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340140644890112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415301804705626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374626195729526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666807838686132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331674667071705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760648493615494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354570792495667,0.2583298252344645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382752434178028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863473102368366,0.1728872287859119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260592341238898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528135595986226,0.1078013433960889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467773869530764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168477907878836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980618489575996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821157985071688,0.1883418696641368,0.0,0.15308146810813286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812538543652808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818980260401036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971050610110306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147237311349322,0.0,0.0,0.20799917055038045
bpd,nicolasbrody,2019/07/17,"Does my now ex have BPD, or something else?  

Hello all,

This will be quite a long post, I'm looking for opinions on whether this girl is a narcissist, or whether you think maybe something else is going on? Will try to give as much context as possible, and happy to answer questions for clarity if that helps?

We met at work, I had a girlfriend at the time but the relationship was failing. The girl this post is about starting talking to me properly at the start of the year. We chatted on skype at work, on whatsapp, and I started to fall for her, chatting was so easy, we seemed so similar, and I was utterly besotted.

Me and the other girl broke up, and me and the girl this post is about went on a night out a week later. It was legit one of the best nights of my life, we kissed, and she told me she thought it felt 'meant to be'.

Within the next week she had said she would marry me, that she loved me, and that we should go travelling together. We also slept together pretty quickly - something she said she doesn't normally do. We carried on with the crazy intensity, she told me about her past stuff, saying she had never told anyone it before, and I carried on having the best days of my life with her.

My mental health took a beating during all this (happy to go into this, not just to do with her), initially she was quite supportive but over time made it clear she didn't like dealing with it etc. And throughout the relationship she would tell me she struggled to be in a relationship, but wanted to try for me, despite her strong proclamations (saying we are soulmates etc) I never went to her house, she didn't want people from our work to know (claims she was a private person) and I never met any of her friends or family. Several times she said I could go to her house, but everytime something happened so I couldn't.

Anyway I returned to work at a new job after some time off, and things suddenly changed. She started being very up and down, we nearly broke up twice, one day she would tell me I was her fave person in the world, the next she would say she's miserable and how awful the last few months had been. One day she told me she always thought she would be alone but knew she wouldn't be cause she met me, then the next time I saw her she said she was better alone, was trying to enjoy our last few times together before I left her, then said she had been talking to her mum about living with me (this was all the same night). The up and down behaviour continued till I couldn't take it anymore, we had a big argument, were basically breaking up, and this ended with her breaking down, saying she had failed me, that losing me from her life would be like losing a limb, and begging me not to abandon her.

My MH took a further decline, I started having thoughts about not wanting to live anymore, I shared this with her and she flipped at me, saying I was being negative, selfish and manipulative, came over, had a go at me, then left me physically (this happened twice).

And we have now broken up but are still talking, and that is a very quick summary of everything - thoughts?",7.87382041652441,6.322112511551158,7.5335825651530675,78.26955445544557,63.32343234323433,10.536838511437352,34.757937862751795,9.223106411051027,2.8587549334243767,2426,84,484,33,29,769,247,606,0.111,0.792,0.09699999999999999,-0.8232,1,2,4,0,0,2,78.0,13,1,0,15,17,24,0,2,32,1,59,7,1,4,7,100,110,44,0,16,16,2,1,2,2,10,4,10,0,6,24,42,0,1,12,3,0,12,13,10,0,5,51,13,100,14,77,38,12,101,0,8,2,2,104,37,0,8,49,364,124,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641812249822517,0.0,0.0449452896145704,0.04676515986894013,0.0,0.0,0.03821977239712945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147597918130528,0.0392982439997593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564873918586576,0.0,0.11796256059979965,0.04970673275280282,0.0,0.0,0.07078535008020803,0.0,0.0,0.06428093157603619,0.0,0.0577356684298001,0.05945501858196205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044873293407537006,0.0,0.0,0.10873830185962706,0.05794252968067675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918337325514037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390031057146556,0.0,0.04977892223884935,0.0,0.12536176395392526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051137484785378,0.0,0.052982916296708114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396341864331452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342207696957605,0.0,0.0,0.053914763956894964,0.1597064861362937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993997477257373,0.11965766703648065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974085620554034,0.0,0.0,0.037671494101461186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970077072631642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577252084601727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03088754146637527,0.09162542542315084,0.0,0.0,0.1221288251502761,0.0,0.11909291579564553,0.05491561373425386,0.0,0.09925605125835964,0.04973763277832231,0.047196124255702715,0.125752920433924,0.0,0.0,0.050725143159815085,0.05318036636048872,0.0,0.0,0.0564631797860969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566391161056643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04486046964476218,0.0,0.041315461129021167,0.0,0.13004099212508582,0.05428093083998877,0.17931666997648635,0.15822731779858026,0.055066726183297464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142532394482563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365184942667545,0.0389638849021859,0.0981480830330602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336011476547353,0.1614799907673762,0.05717836478589386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295990162292286,0.11955700769670467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810220427964933,0.0,0.0,0.2673082537600214,0.22347326760705666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511648394690858,0.0,0.0634930686955325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730703784200394,0.0,0.0,0.19890284915376416,0.0,0.0448835595352967,0.0,0.0,0.05875527898143412,0.06433866048177128,0.0,0.06377817315400125,0.0,0.0,0.04225744597604605,0.13552083637235174,0.09824729752369707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733858545386636,0.03601242939189198,0.0,0.17847470619824848,0.19663352498429384,0.0,0.0,0.2148164047395345,0.12488656514592687,0.11447385950264045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092746249187653,0.09944944960737448,0.0,0.09016485321636483,0.0,0.0,0.10420095681800484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366497895638407,0.0,0.0,0.2395487704634121,0.0,0.0,0.036192704762590684
bpd,pleaseidontknoww,2019/07/17,"I want to completely change my personality I can’t keep existing like this. My mood swings are insane. I’ve lost a bunch of my friends. I have an explosive temper. I want to bartend but everyone I know says I’d be the worst bartender ever. I want to be fun and cool and popular and loved. But I’m a crazy fuck and I’ve had public suicidal outbursts on social media and I want everyone to forget that I clearly have BPD but everyone in my city/scene probably knows I’m a goddamn madman. I don’t want to start my life over, it sounds exhausting. I’m 28 and I feel like there’s no chance for me to be young and fun and happy. I want to be a COMPLETELY different person. I want to be patient and sweet and kind and stable and loved. I want to be pleasant to be around. I want to be a bartender.",0.11394721744119353,2.4171161204819285,2.6338209982788285,90.25865461847393,89.6024096385542,6.2944348823866925,21.157773952954678,7.62386473244151,1.0413147446930582,620,22,134,13,21,213,89,166,0.17800000000000002,0.478,0.344,0.9834,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,19,2,0,7,1,14,5,0,0,2,32,35,15,1,9,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,2,3,13,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,5,20,13,17,25,2,7,0,1,0,3,8,4,1,0,5,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947810802401588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488877108648846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009633706197213,0.0,0.25788399115606914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848773109740755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124228282488688,0.0,0.3525374484440189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218228927543236,0.0878568039584375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501389951762154,0.1136928567147122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091429919719233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931010959317927,0.0,0.12806455202261927,0.13517297955548266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686427983470475,0.12016345070160415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424699480565774,0.0,0.2219881678428472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476246071058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325930400050374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977984844353185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253624335369754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704574558469766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451995648917986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.652830127312777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FinalStealth,2019/07/17,"Helping someone with BPD? I've recently started seeing a girl and it's going really well. She let me know of her BPD diagnosis, and that although the symptoms are slowly subsiding, I appreciated the honesty and reassured her that it would be fine.

If she experiences an episode or is generally feeling bad due to this, what can I do to help her through it? Is it better to give her space or comfort her physically? 

I'm not very knowledgeable about the disorder and the websites I've looked at have conflicting advice.",5.886205357142856,7.58239294791667,6.966904761904763,69.54000000000002,67.4375,10.485714285714286,36.63095238095238,10.608840637214634,4.4246952380952385,417,22,70,12,7,140,71,96,0.08,0.687,0.233,0.9304,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,15,17,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,10,5,8,14,0,6,0,0,2,0,12,2,0,3,3,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504634571887034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520176176081118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558020640441544,0.0,0.0,0.5285545498885393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24048675794644245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052569043963896,0.0,0.0,0.10609785231191038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012909010359712,0.11925291009848588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28129322784820043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531871042824965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456842420601846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620684353605734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442437100743854,0.0,0.2071847393450504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720970662145554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177790791035966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852085323713202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809679513191646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731341723170234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886650362305604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490593185421051,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deadrs,2019/07/17,"Random mood swings are the absolute worst. I’ve been fine all day, just chilling and relaxing by myself and then sadness hit me like a truck. I feel like crying, even though I have nothing to cry about. 

Does anyone else experience these? What do you do to overcome it?",3.2488235294117658,5.740215843137258,3.6585882352941184,86.99964705882354,76.84313725490195,6.432941176470589,23.925490196078428,7.554174236665415,1.1841654901960779,212,7,40,3,5,66,45,51,0.18,0.612,0.20800000000000002,0.1813,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,7,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,4,4,5,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921307360170837,0.28154190193673195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036601082726681,0.17720868112805865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240459540720724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22954124594522504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814878708638086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687850075225416,0.0,0.0,0.13893570165469155,0.1963010182696321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684847008852785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636563110532332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699673849848422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sophieelizabeth16,2019/07/17,"high self esteem in bpd? I started reading “the Buddha and the borderline” by Kiera van Gelder and although I relate to so many of the emotions she experiences, the one thing I can’t seem to relate to that most borderlines do is this self hatred and believing that you are unworthy of love. I think quite the opposite about myself, at times my self esteem gets so high I have to talk myself down from my own ego, I still have moments of insecurity as anybody does but majority of the time I have very high self esteem (I’ve tried many times to question whether or not I am simply convincing myself this is true, but think that goes with the unstable sense of self).

is anybody else missing the lack of self worth symptom?",9.660869565217393,7.36956407246377,9.027826086956523,71.30304347826089,60.44927536231884,12.098550724637684,38.21739130434783,10.504223727775694,3.811034782608696,574,21,107,10,6,183,86,138,0.129,0.812,0.059000000000000004,-0.8441,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,8,0,10,2,0,0,1,16,17,11,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,6,4,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,15,3,19,17,4,12,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,4,6,74,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302763767364788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563301391073336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011893403554048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659474185111104,0.13006914828756064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310916392465865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060412349203584424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366511040364574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436136108738142,0.0,0.0,0.2344630757993416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835445983790097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295330208649098,0.12298764748136908,0.11566214626275735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526598751999723,0.7237691989489878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184411425491818,0.0,0.092342950098579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120184732516372,0.0,0.0929397011587162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682000200109833,0.14818316571567333,0.0,0.0,0.20227584413233748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850576027606936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540756514454553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDthrowaway335,2019/07/17,"DAE find the silence deafening? Right now I would usually be on a call to my long distance partner. I've hurt them so badly and I don't know if I'll ever hear their voice again. The silence around me is so loud with the absence of the noise that should be there, of her voice.",1.9918965517241392,3.647321293103453,2.971931034482761,94.41617241379312,77.44827586206897,6.019310344827588,23.66896551724138,6.742157984588678,0.5345200000000001,217,7,49,2,5,69,47,58,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,8,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,6,4,0,8,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796379460901547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622813456472528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207568583726981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28414414579312497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871046594778639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35404182863364425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362774269038412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263494525083348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779908372098537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682611273971325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459644291555715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314546529423449,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,I_II_II_II,2019/07/17,"I managed to control one of my 'episodes'!! After months and months of having really intense and rage-fuelled arguments with my boyfriend, I finally managed to calm myself down before I freaked out and started insulting him. It was honestly really difficult, but I found ways to distract myself in-between messages with him, and it calmed me down. I don't have anyone to share this with since none of my friends know about my BPD, but it's an absolutely amazing small victory to me and I am so proud of myself.",8.248631578947368,7.832490284210527,8.091578947368422,70.89105263157897,61.94736842105264,11.389473684210527,41.10526315789474,10.793553405168565,4.626957894736842,407,21,69,9,5,131,63,95,0.125,0.664,0.21100000000000002,0.9058,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,11,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,17,7,17,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,54,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806881487965546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288721224226865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387560243279008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30167070010055363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29464150917233817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29490974155532257,0.20780415927315649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478178851493464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293756922618149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822598090246023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446158244583186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249326929601698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037707189544867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21349443274583388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,valliumvillage,2019/07/17,"I am terrified of moving out I am 18 years old and was diagnosed with BPD almost exactly a year ago. Over the past year, I have been working really hard to stable my emotions, and become a person where I don't manipulate people and have fairly healthy relationships. I move 6 hours away in about a month and I'm terrified. I feel like everyone hates me and everyone at university hates me. Someone who was really abusive towards me's friend is going to the same university as me and I'm terrified she's going to spread lies about me and everyone will hate me. I don't have a job so I have basically been doing nothing all summer but thinking about the worst-case scenario, at this point I can barely get out of bed I'm so anxious for the future. I don't want to end up dropping out, but I know if I feel like everyone hates me I won't be able to handle it.

I need advice to help me calm down.",3.3022716627634625,4.651833907103828,5.305671350507417,80.3052049180328,73.31693989071039,8.725839188134271,26.73263075722092,9.23628265651192,2.2368270101483216,707,25,142,16,14,245,108,183,0.157,0.748,0.095,-0.8469,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,8,0,19,1,0,1,2,25,35,13,0,3,3,0,3,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,11,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,4,3,24,4,25,28,2,29,0,0,0,0,6,13,0,2,13,94,27,2,0.11752979537838605,0.13925358890902415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484875580502416,0.10418307226087134,0.0,0.1176891129276854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277521525135902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042311160227487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980242514836568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802466295354408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929026832630475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220520072270306,0.10409651401380343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492190244511151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885319183707566,0.16792661860376504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080322836407813,0.0,0.06140446722179192,0.0,0.13358978237746827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528361145457196,0.4641453626698545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877774442037246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574317387330005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663018676811715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459130187027508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483824272521075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381116137137432,0.2498311450561733,0.0,0.08714685405844343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277300846167156,0.0,0.12332774961001278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219548846221644,0.08148036173405054,0.10262248398886847,0.0,0.0,0.11110364561965663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058519288360556,0.0,0.0,0.12618301593832754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958261422550474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753083472333298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932211840616975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556309080857218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270560045739286
bpd,lilstoner42O,2019/07/17,"Any advice would be really helpful right now, or comfort or anything that can be given, please... I know this probably seems minor to some people but I’m having a full blown breakdown over this... 
my mom is a supervisor at her job & one of her staff works with me the odd time at this chip truck, we do it just for fun. MS (moms staff) texted me to tell me that for the gig we’re doing tomorrow we need to be there at 2. She finishes work at 2, so she’s “sneaking out” a little early, then told me “not to tell my mom, just kidding” and I said “my lips are sealed ;)” then proceeded to tell my mom because, my mom knew and really didn’t care. She knows how much extra time this person puts in and my mom leaves early all the time too. My mom thought it was hilarious and immediately went to text her staff about it and I flipped out begging my mom not to say anything because I have to work with her the next 2 days and I don’t want her to know I said anything. I BEGGED my mom not to say anything... only for her to get to work today and blab her mouth... it was a big joke for them but I’m so embarrassed and don’t even want to work the event anymore. I can’t believe my mom went behind my back after I BEGGED her not to say anything... i feel like I betrayed MS’s trust and my mom betrayed mine. It’s stupid, I know... but I’m just so embarrassed. I shouldn’t have said anything, or my mom should have listened to me when I asked her not to say anything. I really don’t know what to do now...",2.2679285714285697,3.336384971428572,3.6887500000000015,91.993125,75.47619047619048,6.773809523809526,22.966269841269842,7.1686216300943375,0.550960317460317,1146,31,268,12,24,378,145,315,0.084,0.813,0.10400000000000001,0.1507,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,2,0,1,5,15,9,1,2,9,0,23,2,2,1,1,47,49,22,0,6,14,12,1,1,0,3,0,8,0,2,12,15,0,0,9,1,0,3,11,3,0,1,12,9,49,6,35,31,5,34,0,0,0,0,43,12,0,5,20,170,61,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504655502816163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061035228990994415,0.0,0.03830739705188918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055865777428950936,0.0,0.0,0.3244925574700918,0.0,0.05266241066767585,0.0,0.0,0.04331549765690226,0.0,0.06867840042669618,0.0,0.0,0.06346638543834336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743378655900053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03632920033120316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720646853372957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028482932700808712,0.040243282510427004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029430918604269718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03775786174464402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590038785248274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547917793197006,0.0,0.0,0.05964699550564215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02752075807526579,0.05645902867309197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7916982012076113,0.0,0.0,0.04141018312213125,0.04176914293789346,0.0,0.0,0.059909260259642966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03817172747246784,0.042842694877613136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905321554830216,0.04918655123796093,0.0,0.061835144191314334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060734956513594174,0.0,0.0,0.05662878342276958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826233225242013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810685017656996,0.16075265920947296,0.17918849131293238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051282142663561466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477088166463554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472097166759337,0.09854216865838344,0.0,0.053395738560186916,0.05382722602394888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645163508766591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044398533967688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050502573388617,0.0,0.0,0.04001632875641704,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paziopath,2019/07/17,"So, apparently I do not have BPD I was diagnosed with it before, but my therapist is now leaning toward more of an CPTSD typa issue. Still, I want to stay here in this community and offer my help, if you will accept it c:",7.718,5.227639577777783,9.44277777777778,67.4375,64.33333333333334,12.555555555555555,33.611111111111114,11.20814326018867,3.577444444444444,171,5,34,4,2,62,41,45,0.0,0.823,0.177,0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944926925467563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358817171123912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35126880855784226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319733605403957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612226377434432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36888037142001145,0.27638378531988844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018311519763629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412979433185946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,butteredpeanut,2019/07/17,"How to decipher between genuine concerns and paranoia? Hello everyone! 

So lately I've made a lot of improvements with my actual reactions to negative thoughts, I use mindfulness techniques so that I minimize lashing out and spending too much time obsessing over these thoughts. However, what I'm really struggling with is being able to figure out whether I have legitimate evidence to back up possible concerns or if it's just a milder version of a self-loathing spiral. While yes I don't spend as much time obsessing over thoughts like ""oh my bf is only dating me as a placeholder because he's a serial monogamist who is afraid of being alone and is going to dump me as soon as he finds someone he really loves."" In fact, I can now often respond to these thoughts with the belief that if they were true I am still a valuable human being deserving of respect and that as much as it would hurt -- I would still survive. Nonetheless, I still can't shake off the fact that many of these thoughts still hold considerable weight in my mind, and that there is a fair chance they might be true. 

Any advice?",10.246352303523038,8.226624843902442,9.352845528455287,68.57701897018973,59.09756097560976,13.208672086720867,42.77777777777778,11.855464076750405,5.053151761517613,883,41,154,21,9,279,127,205,0.10099999999999999,0.778,0.121,0.49,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,14,13,1,5,9,1,18,2,0,3,4,39,28,19,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,12,10,1,1,9,0,2,2,3,7,0,0,7,1,15,6,29,14,5,22,1,1,0,1,11,8,0,6,13,112,27,0,0.12739162950038266,0.0,0.12431585392889287,0.0,0.0,0.12448562597246032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193930885711355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663067650537523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795629966978874,0.0,0.07765675493707716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172816123596325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643364146939085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239959878632134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637537415651013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437033068652439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223711537413022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830380783344397,0.11497591932538125,0.1205410400340023,0.0,0.12915511740650032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514238736762818,0.2572584610479754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809425166546091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968870747217204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361492131762246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322067981409746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289725265094066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793851427421113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069404795099275,0.0,0.0,0.13317739084197122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056736202010194,0.14856616723604016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002546587824084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512868522666287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809907171053245,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ejonesb,2019/07/17,"Got LASIK while being under Lamotrigine It's been a week and I feel horrible, my eyes need to stay as hydrated as possible but the Lamictal tends to dehydrate my entire body, skin, eyes, I'm always thirsty etc... 
Because of the drug I feel like my recovery is much harder, I have terrible headache and eye pain (my eyes are fine my vision is too i'm just dehydrated... ) 
I can't go to work, can't watch screens for more than 10min, can't stay outside cause even a little wind is painful. 
I'm so tired of being like this (most people pretty much go on their daily activities without much issues at that time). I've been thinking about getting off lamictal for a while because it doesn't do much to me but it was an habbit. And now the idea of just swallowing one of these pills makes me crazy nervous. I just want to stop. I'm on 100mg/day , I drink watter alll day long I use my eyedrops like crazy and it's never enough. 
I haven't had a doctor really following my case for a while i feel a bit left alone and I just wanted to know if there was any serious danger if I stopped cold turkey. I've donne that before with Mirtazapine and Effexor, it was not nice but nothing I couldn't take.",2.5944107142857185,4.468229762500002,4.010476190476194,86.66500000000002,76.375,7.404761904761906,23.92857142857143,8.269060116576782,1.398107142857142,933,30,193,17,21,308,145,240,0.17600000000000002,0.743,0.081,-0.9749,0,1,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,10,11,1,1,10,0,20,14,6,3,1,35,41,17,0,6,11,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,9,7,2,2,6,1,0,3,9,6,0,1,7,11,22,5,24,31,9,23,0,0,6,0,1,7,0,3,14,119,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149128179875613,0.0,0.0,0.10564009593582704,0.0,0.0,0.08633650422651137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478611090901767,0.0,0.10803279633869838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386063950602784,0.14102287815214545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042191171667675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375616195964002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994796229597025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243715303088804,0.14723218539705746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118263180028794,0.14159289530808256,0.08385525185813919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925829235676718,0.0906995671317434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633086098295299,0.0,0.14430750211733873,0.0,0.10154074623403604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433213083224129,0.0,0.13251225800813052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977337087853883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794137389417865,0.0,0.0,0.1860773293468764,0.1272463164504867,0.0,0.11235475967682153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474614840570932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733180247461557,0.09413852319202023,0.09791864229826801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218206278035389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603073463320662,0.0,0.2701867503645014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880174161840779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312724731590512,0.0,0.12916299138853854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133321521360573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706428991112191,0.0,0.2122868929771796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545740160887227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135022966891202,0.0,0.0,0.07403084013025751,0.14592074582344886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096518517806013,0.0,0.0,0.14976746829949186,0.0,0.10183888786556623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238398885767425,0.0,0.0924276968513621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,texashippietrash,2019/07/17,"Perfection and guilt. Why am I so obsessed with being *perfect*, and when I’m not (which is 100% of the time), I’m consumed with guilt and rack my brain about every mistake I’ve made and what I should have, could have done- to the point that I convince myself that I’m incompetent and stupid and worthless and everyone hates me??? 

I know my mother was extremely overbearing and controlling and when I didn’t do as she liked or made mistakes she would split on me. I don’t know that she’s borderline but splitting is definitely a think with her. 

How do I stop doing this to myself? It’s every day, all day. Distracting and disruptive and making me miserable but I can’t stop.",2.3383766233766248,4.847821106060606,3.462900432900433,87.02863636363638,80.36363636363636,7.104761904761905,23.82251082251081,8.192908349453996,1.5797147186147191,534,19,105,11,14,172,82,132,0.23800000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.067,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,5,14,2,5,3,0,17,1,1,5,3,36,27,19,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,14,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,5,0,19,4,9,18,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,8,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23902297209272044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401479982315333,0.17095327607249125,0.0,0.0,0.2761727154521779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191138191428948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608019727170281,0.2045959041317519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139407495047605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23534383159917024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460569486332114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052012750432021,0.14292331750597811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024077306669017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580191852741592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719614310366532,0.0,0.0,0.12485208435098955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193205338554518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210103820527401,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RevolutionarySwan7,2019/07/17,"I was diagnosed with BPD yesterday. It's a month til I can see a mental health professional. What can I do on my own? I've dealt with depression for the last several years. Since I lost my job recently, it's been worse. I don't know what to do, I barely leave my bed, and I'm anxious all the time. Yesterday I self-harmed and went to my doctor, who sent me to the emergency room. After speaking to the psychiatrist there about this and the emptiness I feel and the dissociation and derealization I deal with, he diagnosed me with BPD.

It's a scary diagnosis, but I feel a little bit stronger because I finally went and talked to someone about my mental health, and after doing some reading I think a lot of the issues I've dealt with stem from BPD, rather than depression. I'm glad to have a new way to attack this.

In about a month, I will be able to go to an outpatient clinic and get some structure into my life through partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient therapy (i.e., either M-F or 2-3 times a week from 9-5). But I don't know what to do in the next month while waiting for my appointment.

There's really nothing in my life right now. What can I do to start taking positive steps while I wait for professional help?",5.442095238095233,5.7391381346938815,6.529387755102043,77.34156462585034,67.65306122448979,10.45170068027211,30.619047619047624,10.355215969177356,2.9749537414965985,973,35,197,24,15,327,135,245,0.099,0.83,0.071,-0.5394,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,17,0,15,8,0,0,1,31,33,15,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,8,1,2,0,10,14,0,2,5,1,0,5,2,4,0,0,6,4,26,1,35,25,7,35,0,3,1,0,7,8,0,5,21,127,36,5,0.1134962845222042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821849607709312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291184084996309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691862816103088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390854741827426,0.0,0.4288337916897732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170096857372629,0.19550836710247926,0.23039267942403335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616825645783448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477426327242275,0.0,0.0,0.12432963203951515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929712427645819,0.0,0.06450255401687185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412824862431392,0.0,0.0,0.07607416711623359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846063378073148,0.11262754962429185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247491795782788,0.09251462003290188,0.0,0.1201761777392258,0.0,0.0,0.16033156448385658,0.0,0.11375309363503038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238946017016756,0.09649048243523538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287551203747417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717749544637246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961541883165853,0.12070458617663915,0.0,0.0,0.10890274601077572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352699822866145,0.0,0.07270862610338442,0.0,0.11206388867188996,0.0,0.0,0.09692520684879948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044184435070378,0.0,0.11840137737656548,0.12821849607709312,0.0,0.09388529939500996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616503356629934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033325434698667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533508117381115,0.09122401433610022,0.0,0.0,0.1297928926504166,0.0,0.0,0.07272383634271859,0.0,0.0,0.13236119243567993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008806783652784,0.09103987345336476,0.0,0.0,0.21042438564540156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566241018697855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308788611044316
bpd,thedrm,2019/07/17,"My therapist I could really use some advice. I live in a community of 30k and my options are limited the one health care system we have or private therapist. I can find a private therapist that seems that have any experience handling BPD and or many of my other diagnosis. So my problem I feel like my current therapist is not moving me forward. Our time together is mostly her just listening to my rants of the week, but there is not help on how to handle them properly. How do I fight for myself? I am not getting the help I need and there seems to be a great lack of care in my area.",5.525604395604397,5.6468900341880355,6.964468864468866,74.90076923076923,67.46153846153845,10.788278388278387,32.953601953601954,10.608840637214634,3.4950986568986564,462,19,90,12,7,159,77,117,0.136,0.7559999999999999,0.109,-0.1061,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,2,0,1,1,6,6,1,0,6,0,11,1,0,3,0,26,20,9,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,20,4,11,18,3,10,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,7,5,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269290713536642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930128865151228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839120444668324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29776228385965964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658823645272436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283943610525596,0.0,0.0,0.07383409313698377,0.10431953409518302,0.0,0.0,0.13346323850514172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629148333004844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099191272752167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521662307963946,0.0,0.0,0.19575354195379246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133992262221929,0.0,0.12894181699988275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480453588932446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520034209836553,0.0,0.10827490351233572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989496029431594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972519253899712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935466770775482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26586942696234234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6781802107233599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514773548859159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611780245666668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713159908995095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alonne4evet,2019/07/17,"How can i reconcile what i have come to know about people as a whole? I woke up today feeling not too bad but then i listened to a story Jim Jefferies was telling about how he had an orgy with 2 other dudes and a few girls and how the girls basically swarmed the guy with the bigger cock and he was humiliated (which has always been my worst fear). Just hearing that shit threw me into a hole of anxiety over the last couple hours but I've also come to a realization: people will always abandon you for something better, be it a bigger cock, a more entertaining person, more money, you name it. My whole life I've been abandoned by those i call 'friends' for another bigger or better person. In my earlier 20s the girls i knew only seemed to want to fuck my friends with bigger dicks than me but never me. This realization makes me almost suicidal. It makes me think that no matter who I'm with they are just settling for me until a better option comes along. It makes it impossible to want to get out into the world and find anyone to spend life with. So I'm alone. All the times i get excited to hang out with my friends only to find out they are only with me because _____isn't available to hang out. I have never had anyone in my life that wouldn't rather be somewhere else when i just want to be with them at that time. I guess that's why my worst fear is being sized up by a woman and having her choose the other man because his cock is bigger; I've only ever experienced this selfishness in all its different forms in every relationship in my life. And i have never met a human being that isn't like this. So how do i live my life knowing that I'm only ever anyone's second choice at best? How can i be happy when I'm so absolutely humiliated? How can i ever trust that my woman isn't going to trade me in for a better cock once I've fully fallen for her? I don't want to be alone but i can't deal with being abandoned anymore.",5.329209686296096,5.162197225316458,6.462762795817285,79.31638965327465,67.8860759493671,8.692350027517888,26.79416620803522,8.18289091462,1.59278205833792,1524,38,306,18,23,514,183,395,0.177,0.6970000000000001,0.127,-0.9785,2,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,3,5,22,24,2,2,20,0,34,12,6,9,8,75,64,26,1,6,10,0,1,1,3,2,5,2,0,10,23,25,0,3,10,1,3,8,11,11,0,1,10,4,42,13,54,44,11,46,0,3,0,6,32,23,7,5,16,222,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851696533170586,0.17618132737488096,0.0,0.06801793924879851,0.14154407859882798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918691023894341,0.06506635095644529,0.0,0.08435106820622522,0.17841595387741532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101683608753594,0.10369669420700804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925930113384782,0.3008946706210893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685000901910493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980039419832514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941110292088196,0.0,0.0,0.08768730822605128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886370106309817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105200205254375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308096084061093,0.0716619648587375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914195982159146,0.04300603892991155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547628438302427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197138357681145,0.07863138329095833,0.08887478298204489,0.0,0.048338351648471584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369696429237023,0.08421718650533587,0.0,0.09054194551793293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586244286706616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376140959327455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934873014289615,0.06933065370722233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003820415523025,0.041553262987274964,0.0,0.0751045562556363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032333298200186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679749264203555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058011524355587,0.0,0.3234383592312879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793196479102895,0.14853236916209667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131654963336974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743029297456383,0.0,0.0,0.08730707607605125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547900005813173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303566261445673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434125768942755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449939817019839,0.0,0.0,0.09919176011066733,0.0,0.08062158610323082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006690557854877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674832860669065,0.18992030616179825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElyiaElven,2019/07/17,"At my lowest point in years and my fp just ghosted me Ive been doing so much work on myself since my last major breakdown two years ago. im on medication, in therapy, constantly working on communication skills. i still stumble a lot but i felt like i had made so much progress. a few months ago my fp left me for someone else and it sent me into a really bad spiral. i started drinking every day and doing a lot of drugs, especially molly, and going out every night to sleep with strangers. i could feel it wearing down on me but if i was sober and alone i felt like dying.

finally my fp got back in touch with me and we got back together for a few weeks. she eventually told me she was scared of my emotions and felt like she couldn't reciprocate them. that killed me, because so many people have told me that before. a few nights later i went out and had a really bad time on molly. it sent me into a paranoid spiral and i ended up barraging my fp with insecure messages wanting her to say she loved me. she asked for space and i tried but the past months of substance abuse and self harm had caught up to me and i broke. 

the day after she asked for space i didnt feel real anymore. i felt like i was imploding and exploding at the same time. i ended up cutting my wrists to shock me out of my state and walked myself to the hospital. i explained to her what was happening and she said 'get the help you need'. i got to the hospital and they took care of me. i got a recovery plan set up and was receiving support from a couple close friends. i messaged her apologizing and explaining why everything happened but she never responded. i messaged her the next day just to say that i felt good about things. then i just messaged her hey. then nothing. 

it was killing me. was she mad at me? did she still love me? did i scare her off? did i lose her? all while this was happening i was trying to quit drinking and drugs. that wasnt going well either and was just fucking with my head even more. every time i was alone i just wanted to drink. finally, a week after everything happened, i messaged her 'please. this is tearing me apart'. i just wanted something. even just for her to say she still needed more space but that she loved me and would message me when she was ready. instead she just blocked me on everything. i feel so empty. i feel like i fucked up. my wrist scars are itching. im at the lowest point ive been in a while and i dont know what to do. 

sorry i know this was long, i just needed to get this all out",1.4672810457516334,3.755732564705884,2.9474509803921585,90.75241830065364,82.17647058823529,5.973856209150328,21.79738562091504,7.242747475848597,0.7205816993464054,1968,63,413,28,54,642,217,510,0.153,0.7340000000000001,0.114,-0.9639,2,2,6,0,1,0,47.0,1,1,2,7,24,28,6,3,20,0,35,17,6,1,3,81,85,37,4,10,16,0,10,5,1,1,4,4,0,1,16,34,3,1,13,3,0,9,5,15,1,1,41,14,97,13,58,41,14,86,0,2,0,5,55,35,2,3,45,294,113,2,0.0,0.07705569385308855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152989877489278,0.0,0.0,0.134713036742321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449712191315543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159766058544325,0.0,0.0,0.10001561104771993,0.1086028104309494,0.03964465697049111,0.0,0.05533988970015664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630739075171885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027959723478536,0.0,0.051925056802480565,0.07195985366081946,0.0,0.1258263450687143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749593393348044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622039068816637,0.19112825926179453,0.15083961864028042,0.0,0.054328294069173125,0.07315548240074522,0.11520319408445168,0.0,0.0,0.08590984489672035,0.0,0.16438406468298206,0.0,0.17534746008005267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153435017956092,0.04646092863491555,0.3122184004706357,0.14248505624963473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050245784115952964,0.1202473903926852,0.06795607731942319,0.0,0.07392163787968152,0.054548168695267366,0.20805732655650164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004050538194906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674454566274947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359150671842898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049765292472552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390290985074686,0.0,0.0714829344289281,0.053012104287061865,0.0,0.0,0.07066058340709136,0.0,0.0,0.15886377764815846,0.0,0.0,0.057553819011677936,0.0,0.07275739132078701,0.0,0.11058065234978974,0.1760895450195524,0.0615375724479651,0.0,0.06593515695721562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551579587262761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382043561344592,0.0,0.09561623420244754,0.1446676102037332,0.050158905888046286,0.0,0.0691653287669232,0.12206165167892424,0.0,0.06240271782576079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208314829350892,0.04508699458309643,0.0,0.0,0.07138876458842537,0.12295795849719042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917259626349699,0.0,0.0740239271942905,0.08332601416275204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186306021358212,0.15515503186646,0.13022251323695092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784555957735122,0.0,0.0,0.05379752174067466,0.0,0.06508184372615146,0.0,0.055103839656612585,0.05006702510483625,0.0,0.07280121955230137,0.046032020189316916,0.0,0.15581080870540806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738008069455343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437304891331009,0.0,0.043206282030786684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376707812988952,0.0,0.0,0.12428722265715712,0.07225614053079234,0.08830882403467491,0.0,0.06352962422385397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150777651406127,0.0,0.10433410987526713,0.0,0.058474164182973465,0.060287981901713326,0.05868386034750085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469232903974502,0.0,0.0,0.04619891019330979,0.0,0.0,0.08376065619098409
bpd,032314,2019/07/17,"I asked my partner and they said I fit the symptoms of BPD. This is my worst nightmare I was abused throughout my childhood and up to the present day.  My family is full of undiagnosed personality disorders.  

My past counselor has told me I’m very close to a diagnosis of PTSD and I’ve experienced complex trauma.  I think it’s more than that after looking at the symptoms of BPD.  Im not looking for a diagnosis, just some reassurance.  How do you live with this?  I can’t take any medication and I don’t have any access to therapy.  What can I do to try to make myself more bearable for the people I interact with?  How do you learn emotional regulation and how to manage or even start interpersonal relationships?",3.907843137254904,6.145578411764706,5.749117647058821,74.03019607843139,73.70588235294117,8.945098039215685,30.450980392156865,9.516144504307137,3.1330950980392145,568,26,104,15,12,195,89,136,0.08199999999999999,0.868,0.05,-0.7303,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,6,0,11,3,0,4,0,19,21,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,4,18,1,18,18,5,11,0,0,2,0,11,5,0,2,6,75,23,2,0.0,0.198137230192872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274408551024688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633512892809406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212343387000205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784789654757096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916571912417437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810841784050805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045217986479224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764719453497966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063438538480425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766493725896251,0.0,0.2808579482552233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162564799627682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846410276745194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963756121619996,0.11593448553520072,0.14601659384413232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954799866585373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179539740923568,0.0,0.0,0.15907163752679282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836447800837036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34762678436638195,0.12573426062526927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123920862717134,0.0,0.0,0.1071526231253063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979303289776822,0.0,0.11353648848571675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798019257939625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nebulaspeck,2019/07/17,"We’re waking oxymorons LOL This literally just hit me. We’ll be the most devilish motherfuckers to someone but also be the most loving and caring to that same person, and hour later. Lol.",2.390285714285717,5.339798885714289,4.334285714285716,76.45571428571431,88.7142857142857,6.2285714285714295,21.285714285714285,7.554174236665415,1.5645428571428577,151,5,24,3,5,51,28,35,0.047,0.6,0.353,0.9456,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,2,1,0,0,7,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596649082240447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585500938021563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429131494837792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059169295754644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927043476543512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810717109652468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JJackieM89,2019/07/17,"Identity crisis? Does anyone else go through periods where they want to physically change everything about themselves? A few months ago, I started losing weight. I was never even close to overweight, but I've had anorexia in the past, and I suppose I just slipped back into those habits. Now, I've lost too much weight, dyed my hair, got two new tattoos, got a few piercings, and cleared up my skin with the help of Accutane. Some of these are good things (the skin one, definitely), but I don't know why I'm so intent on changing my appearance. It's like I want to be a whole new person.",5.898242730720604,6.406100442477879,5.7428824273072046,82.64115044247791,66.69911504424779,8.935018963337546,32.072060682680146,8.841846274778883,2.4554131479140326,462,18,91,7,7,144,87,113,0.08,0.7859999999999999,0.134,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,8,4,0,0,6,0,5,6,3,1,2,16,15,5,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,5,5,10,2,12,9,5,18,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,11,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476684965665776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648085089147503,0.17068711117766594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280944022575925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35245193928959345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578058924227902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916128255508148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002852569522696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497168148788606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467470046833132,0.13972448880870755,0.2664681903293273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165912877222348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155134544869603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138553741781236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186367197149078,0.18184836995262596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296740881463026,0.0,0.12245992638529912,0.0,0.12848144405294018,0.3217797218349973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128830298212294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590252499108797,0.0,0.14545652758845934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791047515665615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067238029203147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273038089466466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651355602601134,0.0,0.0,0.4057139004658456,0.0,0.0,0.15031801405071804,0.1859873939173778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,threeninetynine,2019/07/17,"Household Dysfunction Growing up it was quite obvious to me that my family situation was abnormal. My parents constantly fought, always screaming, sometimes there were physical altercations amongst my immediate family. My parents haven’t slept in the same bed since I was 7 years old, and it’s been made very clear to everyone that “this marriage is for financial benefits only.” My dads alcoholism and uncaged mental illness created a very stressful, vile situation for everyone involved. 

I remember my dad and I used to have a sort of inside joke when I was probably 4-8 years old. He has one crooked tooth, dubbed “shark tooth.” The only thing was that this tooth was only ever able to be seen when he smiled, a rare occasion. Hence why I focused so much on it. 

But these are not the things that I focus on as an adult. In therapy, I have had realizations that I never considered before, like that I’d never seen my parents hold hands, or hug. My dad never said “I love you.” The only affection he showed was when we adopted our first dog when I was 9 years old. My mom tried her best but was simply not capable of providing protection or a healthy environment for her children. 

Feeling out of place is really all I know, I’ve rarely felt IN place. Excluded from having all the things I really wanted—parents that got along, taking one car places instead of two because my parents were so insufferable. 

I suppose lately I have felt the gaping absence of where my family’s unconditional love was supposed to go. I try not to blame my mental illness on those around me, even though it feels wrong to not hold them accountable. So instead everyday I work, and struggle, to create the life I that deserve to live.",6.746514195583598,7.613995094637227,7.156168769716089,71.98699763406941,64.93059936908517,10.882586750788644,35.09290220820189,10.793553405168565,4.054583722397476,1363,61,234,36,20,445,185,317,0.114,0.7959999999999999,0.091,-0.8897,6,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,2,1,1,4,15,13,2,2,12,0,24,12,5,3,8,37,41,17,0,0,8,8,5,1,0,0,4,2,1,2,19,8,1,3,6,2,1,3,8,6,0,4,23,9,37,7,29,17,5,34,0,0,2,3,25,13,0,3,19,159,56,1,0.08770103302608485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372573271761553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297428506097722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807251309196796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534617357211427,0.0,0.07462711961889654,0.0,0.0920368234371191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477366033841864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792570518558743,0.07933060535099115,0.0,0.16760419080325414,0.0,0.0,0.2480301862348044,0.0,0.08868855483837487,0.0,0.16841349012718926,0.0,0.0,0.07459845388989429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984251813982322,0.0,0.0701425277527971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819819417097841,0.0,0.0989305852415406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061945833254002436,0.0428462947862556,0.0,0.07744161891944218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830721276596027,0.08298483797154743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676402757436813,0.0,0.0,0.10271438992196076,0.0,0.0,0.06447035028436532,0.0,0.20292132980071387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760824437775597,0.0,0.11885697939809915,0.2668023503049651,0.0,0.0,0.3895264738317941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27488673989668483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945565468616452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328084395677816,0.0,0.0,0.11236705493961192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993481741239128,0.0,0.08342376574228924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254720079664619,0.1971592713011188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673856417240576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046123702051993,0.09168416165462777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594026230738763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029377448614477,0.0,0.17479400816678026,0.0,0.08616581966566235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190864891554187,0.0,0.08567116580797376,0.0,0.0,0.07574553410252899,0.0,0.1447250740834388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913654128297205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384739655725191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588731207521063,0.0,0.16942976963245046
bpd,wreckedship3227,2019/07/17,"Real or imagined abandonment? I (f32) literally have no one I can talk to that would make for meaningful conversation. I've deleted FB and messenger, which does have a lot of positives, but at the end of the day my phone is silent. I've stopped taking it places, and when I come home there's no messages or missed calls.
The only person who texts me is my bf and my mom.
Convos with mom are just straight to the point about plans. Although she did ask how I was feeling the other day, which she never has.
Bf texts are usual mundane stuff. What do you want for supper, when you going to be home shit.
I wake up at 9 in the morning... Sit alone til 1230 then leave for school where I sit on a computer and learn, don't socialize with anyone. Then I come home at 5, spend some time with bf making supper and sometimes a walk, and sometimes a walk with his friends, then he goes to bed in the living room on the couch (cause I snore and keep him up) and I have to go into the bedroom where I boringly watch tv for the next hour or two hoping to fall asleep. Wake up the next day and it repeats.
Once in a while we have sex... Like once or twice every 2-3 weeks. We sleep maybe one night together a week... And when we do he usually gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the couch.
Life is meaningless... It's boring and lonely.
I love my parents and my sister, but I'm starting to wonder if they were gone would I still want to live? Am I only living for them?
My sister is 9 years older than me... My bf is ten years older than me... At some point in my life everyone I love will be dead and ill be alone....
So what's the point?
I feel so empty and bored... All the time...
The only person I can really tell my feelings to is you people of reddit, and only because I can be invisible while I do. Cause if I have no friends I must be a shitty person anyways.",2.4197835497835527,3.6567785324675377,3.7895454545454577,90.75098484848486,75.36363636363637,6.691774891774893,21.664502164502167,7.1686216300943375,0.4606034632034634,1425,34,319,15,30,469,197,385,0.11800000000000001,0.789,0.09300000000000001,-0.8836,1,4,0,0,0,1,64.0,3,3,2,1,13,13,1,0,24,0,34,13,5,5,3,62,57,37,1,8,9,5,3,1,6,4,3,0,8,3,11,26,2,3,7,1,1,8,5,7,0,5,4,4,44,6,43,44,4,68,0,3,1,3,39,25,1,11,34,211,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848490650255155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060249583617176326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055399687127529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252626667631842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798557696489925,0.0,0.0,0.17703335460872574,0.0,0.14844952978183926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671069094897698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540483894212993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631789699867614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259894841401061,0.08233573324405445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070503472454967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314396730937714,0.0,0.04501841247123696,0.0,0.09794075573181314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592959175143608,0.08558272473254909,0.08485659395655712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658869771764011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123782653367317,0.0,0.0,0.12172382033977625,0.042096573851884464,0.0,0.2282596555651917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325563239063586,0.15553716620616628,0.0,0.11503354570529005,0.0,0.08656577815118004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018342039876047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645687636618841,0.0,0.1832779890753405,0.1617227479559559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835289090067493,0.11677722976991288,0.2621338647717138,0.0,0.0,0.0956776429252897,0.0,0.0,0.05973696538396634,0.22571165529439985,0.09002559812691663,0.0,0.24436543325900456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807628158139453,0.05520043273731951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720504515738499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844862019507584,0.0,0.0,0.08622867595728789,0.08783584211052936,0.0,0.0,0.1704416398526674,0.0,0.060989055092933536,0.0,0.06881263634260436,0.07203900845445156,0.0,0.0,0.09863996733638633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478644503295597,0.06925732663725542,0.07531327312426281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048869703146622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417209881049742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898003370092612,0.0,0.1016464065559498,0.0,0.13823505353631266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934438367852351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242034424842264,0.0,0.0,0.11097673432628898
bpd,youngsavvysavage,2019/07/17,Break ups Break ups are the worst. As if the world is melting,-1.8725641025641016,-0.9184187692307724,-1.1923076923076916,111.32897435897436,121.30769230769228,1.7333333333333334,12.025641025641027,3.1291,-2.1712358974358974,48,1,12,0,3,14,10,13,0.255,0.745,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gosutomoon,2019/07/17,Lost Do you just sit and blankly stare in distance not knowing how to make yourself busy with something sometimes? For the past hour I just lie in bed not able to even distract myself with anything. Even my eyesight feels like I’m in tunnel vision. Idk if there a name for a state like this,2.4905263157894737,5.016770596491232,2.1921929824561417,96.26618421052632,79.87719298245614,3.8,25.28947368421053,3.1291,0.12234736842105233,232,9,46,0,6,68,46,57,0.098,0.785,0.11699999999999999,0.2732,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,13,6,3,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,2,9,5,0,7,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,28,5,0,0.3081066054415572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535454838942484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070030141430932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578795727891634,0.2201114204900592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30342294301052264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932733266683792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010506487059296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363347560101759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566355161924016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941226178830569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371955175957277,0.30472531104720163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,foryouandmany,2019/07/17,"Recently diagnosed... was wondering if anyone else felt this way? Life is boring and sometimes I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day. I feel I have nothing true to look forward to and I am convinced nothing can satisfy me.   I have a family. A husband and kids, but it's not enough for me. I'm also convinced I'm unable to love someone unconditionally in a romantic relationship. I feel a lot of guilt and shame because of it. 

I'm wondering if this is related to being borderline.",2.806383219954647,4.941402336734697,5.3934013605442175,75.78890022675739,76.65306122448979,8.845351473922905,31.29705215419501,9.444778638647367,3.3620507936507926,391,20,72,11,9,139,64,98,0.11900000000000001,0.733,0.14800000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,5,0,9,3,0,2,1,18,23,9,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,4,8,4,10,20,2,6,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,5,3,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915431888309678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915774735726372,0.20391707059671912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131929399225852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834990064129875,0.0,0.0,0.2019986951036241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662536842021827,0.0,0.0,0.20563840231649813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876161001064963,0.0,0.2012585770560793,0.0,0.19108812541717166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310629986015062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937487924119926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057203072001412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671246770073831,0.0,0.0,0.169197663663297,0.17962117229812655,0.0,0.13284580680739672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819255480230047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650589017454884,0.2136704437118063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862698366589102,0.0,0.1968335151366379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797092331994556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316522389292009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maryexcess,2019/07/17,"I annoy people. All the time. I am too much. I am annoying to other people. 

I am too much. 

I talk too much. 
I criticize too much. 
I have too many ideas, I am too loud, too dramatic, too curious. 
I ask too many questions. 
I send too much texts. I call too often. 
I want too much attention. 
I initiate too many discussions. 
I need too much feedback. 
I comment too much. 
I have too much emotions. 
I am too exited. 
I am too shocked. 
I am too angry. 
I am too nervous and anxious.
I change my mood too often. 
I am offended too often. 
I cry too often.
I am too ambitious. 

I am too much. 
And it hurts to get rejected. It hurts to be annoying.",-1.9617839977381948,-0.6237596183206069,1.6151993214588636,92.12411082838564,114.64885496183209,5.6048628781453225,18.592309867119027,6.937597516519254,0.8948555838281034,474,18,104,12,27,170,51,131,0.267,0.682,0.051,-0.9788,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,29,10,4,1,1,0,14,0,0,0,1,12,18,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,26,0,3,17,11,3,0,3,0,0,7,1,0,5,1,89,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531772607295966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370325237691734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327048747314605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734773393999295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184984141814333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477972713675395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579556070640811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375026882658573,0.12522486978087752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373925216747638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8154527331436083,0.08225213993697085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380782675114354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242654019920932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916019443071235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468334976558902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654285532791312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,56sparkles56,2019/07/17,"How long after meeting someone im interested in should i tell them i have BPD? I feel like i should just get it over with so they can choose to leave sooner rather than later because i become attached very quickly and its always a big deal. I recently started talking to him and things are going good, we have been making lots of plans to hang out and do things, should i tell him now? before things get serious and i fall for him?",4.412364341085271,5.449260081395352,4.81860465116279,86.0448062015504,70.27906976744185,7.128682170542637,25.96124031007752,7.1686216300943375,1.119091472868217,341,10,68,3,6,108,64,86,0.03,0.8640000000000001,0.105,0.7987,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,0,17,15,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,3,11,11,1,14,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,8,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139649408805546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556689062194026,0.2274948768593727,0.17527854717426564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594316125625226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123620762484986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415249256866196,0.14715613123949153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152379155207613,0.0,0.11706634547426704,0.17277092187439186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249976119820855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810897499217208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063414399868592,0.0,0.0,0.18229074606682827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751215641598833,0.0,0.0,0.13749696642672693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338589853390576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453090367665486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579764553193714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556339730402053,0.36008093196687296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105429763697073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995966650312613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nikkiberm,2019/07/17,"My extreme fear of abandonment can make me suicidal in a matter of seconds It’s like...I won’t receive a text reply for a minute too long, and all of a sudden I’m questioning living.
And I blame myself, and every thing I’ve done wrong flashes back to me. And it’s intense rushes of guilt, shame, disgust of myself. 
In seconds my brain will tell me I have fucked up and I’ll never get that person back. 
It’s extremely difficult to cope with. And it’s so fast, and so powerful, I don’t even get a chance to try and change my headspace.",1.856756756756756,3.675816882882883,3.6218828828828817,88.8657972972973,78.36936936936938,6.602162162162162,23.71261261261261,7.554174236665415,1.0702893693693687,418,14,88,6,10,140,71,111,0.285,0.648,0.067,-0.9804,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,3,5,0,6,2,1,1,2,15,11,10,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,8,0,2,1,0,11,0,13,8,1,11,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,1,6,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523133241427971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557410654505947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423476595058077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344393974852572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131229372639854,0.0,0.1930188552829466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577908085494847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117907263923544,0.23938094508753924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119221789534442,0.0,0.2022913480473605,0.2027381233859834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529198686498371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668892569532693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003322490979925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566340935542221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505881206820323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002354315541531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219772880110485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553759568570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504747949614795,0.0,0.0
bpd,fhrsk,2019/07/17,"Anyone dealing with apathy? I've been taking meds for over a year now, but for the last few months I've been dealing with extreme boredom and apathy. I'm not sure it's got anything to do with meds though, since I tried stopping taking them for a week and nothing's changed.

Anyway, I was often obsessed about a particular subject and now I've little interest in anything. I often just feel numb.

Any advice?",4.589535864978902,6.215749746835448,5.3779113924050685,79.95690928270044,70.51898734177216,7.2919831223628675,29.62236286919831,7.793537801064563,2.0811502109704643,326,13,57,4,6,106,54,79,0.21600000000000005,0.74,0.045,-0.892,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,14,9,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,4,2,10,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,7,36,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142120334913765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332117520723027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697067272347166,0.0,0.3224011581624551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722538879873945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039074758511159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904774694278252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667093350313635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967629697220215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633299855000325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351787195747395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635733510056052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879615049699241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204203121831162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377260817326347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846237776657571,0.0,0.2945694368913909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924606916172036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299628642800493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713094713766615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614658097813242
bpd,cleopatrabutlesscool,2019/07/17,"So I’ve just been diagnosed.... Diagnosed with BPD two days ago...although suspected for some time. A part of me is glad to have a diagnosis, so I can hopefully start moving towards feeling better (Should be starting DBT this fall)...but since my diagnosis I have also been feeling more depressed. Like, just confused as to how to feel. I know things can and will get better, but it almost feels like s life sentence. I haven’t been to school since finding out, and this is a busy and important term at my college. So I hate myself for falling behind, but I don’t know, since the diagnosis I feel overwhelmed. I just need some reassurance. How should I be acting right now? Should I try and force myself to be productive? Ugh this is rough.",3.433829670329672,5.769189492857143,4.2871428571428565,83.50708791208791,75.5,7.164835164835164,26.48351648351648,8.139509932561175,1.8233296703296709,579,22,108,10,13,186,86,140,0.115,0.7190000000000001,0.165,0.2925,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,1,2,4,0,19,3,0,2,0,31,32,13,0,5,5,0,6,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,9,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,3,6,15,7,14,22,5,13,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,5,8,78,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401243404007171,0.0,0.1582897198504971,0.0,0.0,0.12641287276842794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796097627626501,0.0,0.0,0.19909048379248048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194558195763846,0.0,0.13615014539270062,0.320886489574678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996384621147576,0.11292912637791774,0.0,0.0,0.14447808896655415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258789341099705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560667711720758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700458012708454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374825629125099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116533585699382,0.1544553511951983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800917679262994,0.0,0.11721093626764975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118029787348174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349955625967098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998078517230768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922849140108973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22377322098911515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501829875410404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217506064598767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073228478498666,0.0,0.1544167362450368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlondeShadow,2019/07/17,"Girlfriend helped me overcome a moment of impulsivity. So I have this habit of unfriending/blocking people and/or entirely nuking social media accounts when I get upset. I had a bit of a break down last night over something I'd posted, and told my girlfriend that I had gone on a reddit history delete spree and wanted to delete my entire account. She was concerned, and offered the suggestion ""How about you wait just a few hours before making a decision like that?"". It seemed so simple but waiting just a few hours stopped the moment of impulse from taking over. I played some Minecraft for a couple hours since its always a good distraction for me, and when I thought about it again the impulse was gone. 

It's difficult thinking logically in a moment like that. Its so hard to stop yourself when you have that need to *do something*, even though its drastic and unhelpful in the long run. And if she hadn't suggested me waiting a few hours I definitely would not have.",6.52604283054004,7.804539960893855,6.180572625698326,77.31916433891996,65.59217877094972,8.648230912476723,32.7937616387337,8.841846274778883,2.8235359404096827,779,32,132,12,12,242,109,179,0.092,0.821,0.087,0.0529,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,2,15,0,10,0,0,2,0,27,24,16,0,4,5,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,5,5,1,2,3,2,3,0,0,9,1,16,4,18,14,5,27,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,3,18,95,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198262932301216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349719761951034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316944195272693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550746320485994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047654919728937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828711992377158,0.0,0.0,0.13304099748871154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209029955106697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631809783118944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6248259161871395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292945923212673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498518794431754,0.0,0.0,0.1403716691824107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058785434876758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761301143664013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885196224646735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099655382862323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519119063868822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439959279396808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121019689559205,0.0,0.0,0.1616907654485805,0.0,0.2442233028372109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26522299187385423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192607668619972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163581462720546,0.15584108056343227,0.12592473252369735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156600554075414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935568264971353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267745997754455,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnehalSingh0208,2019/07/17,"This is how I feel most times... A silent step  
An unheard sigh  
A stifled smile  
An unseeing eye  
   
A voice unvoiced  
A fire doused  
A feather wing broken  
A storm unroused  
   
“The landscape’s dry and barren, I see  
No breath of cool air, no relief  
‘Tis night to night, my life exists  
There’s no one left, nothing that lives  
Here I remain, ever seen never heard  
Like a blossom, only never to unfurl  
Here I remain, forever forgotten  
Forever frozen, a lonely lost girl.”",0.6159913793103442,2.8855215977011497,2.128326149425288,89.48835129310345,103.13793103448276,4.014080459770115,19.23060344827585,5.985473137389443,0.34483965517241405,357,12,63,4,16,115,67,87,0.255,0.6459999999999999,0.099,-0.9064,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,11,1,1,3,2,1,3,7,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,3,8,5,3,3,3,1,9,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,7,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24351078905448897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611783165679045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924913646920993,0.0,0.1901470267065279,0.13151967018655786,0.0,0.23771241433612486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29386839970535145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152540533138274,0.0,0.0,0.505260179787268,0.0,0.2583088791129483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241986626604412,0.20474207450234247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145210501563148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569752485980964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lexyelizabeth,2019/07/17,"How to fucking deal??? What are some ways that you guys tend to deal with rejection? God it fucking sucks so hard for me. It’s like going out of your way to do something, or asking your  FP to hang out only to be rejected because they already have plans. Like I know this is a completely logical reason, and idk why it’s making me feel so sad and useless almost. Its like, I could cry and it makes want to never ask for anything ever again.",2.2316011235955067,4.134148831460678,3.5981882022471936,89.08020365168541,77.53932584269663,6.247752808988763,23.484550561797754,7.1686216300943375,0.8858865168539323,342,11,70,4,8,112,68,89,0.22899999999999998,0.669,0.10300000000000001,-0.9372,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,1,5,10,3,0,1,0,6,2,0,4,2,20,18,7,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,0,2,8,3,12,16,1,9,0,4,0,2,9,2,3,3,6,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899552413529546,0.0,0.1972586179104263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470986653164824,0.0,0.3342202525304031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896630083477887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741934517405714,0.0,0.0,0.14271989702454946,0.0,0.19635201325000146,0.0,0.3685734316072784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616925169278147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903829965185573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330508934050795,0.0,0.0,0.1015895715454488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699378654983042,0.0,0.0,0.16012777007459886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823809225204226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26198937526199834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863831832284504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378654993183185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594987505830033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378807649143888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376129581228769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054332776380576,0.28377196383499204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129697339875146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnstablePersonality3,2019/07/17,"What work would suit you? I would want some sort of contact with people, but I can't see that lasting. I'd be content with a simple job where I can do some good work and not think about things. I think I just have to be self-employed so I can take breaks and time off when I need to. Move town if I feel I've made myself unwelcome (!) etc. But what sort of self-employed work is even really possible these days with everything so competitive now, and companies like amazon squeezing sellers to breaking point. I'd really like some ideas that people have for themselves - I think I do need to do something new, (BPD talking?) now that I have my diagnosis, thinks are making sense as above but that's as far as I've gotten.",4.329440559440563,5.361734566433569,4.75762937062937,86.42259790209793,70.46853146853147,7.957762237762238,26.18811188811189,8.238735603445708,1.4649110489510488,565,17,117,8,10,179,89,143,0.026000000000000002,0.85,0.124,0.9102,3,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,9,4,0,0,1,0,15,0,0,2,0,30,28,13,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,6,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,14,3,15,22,4,15,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,6,9,73,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448369003201613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958664313784596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722165562157683,0.10199143582870353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878067365450122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807822986839688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951824214663538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431878978051624,0.0,0.0,0.15323574220132058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587103699321928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088137852406835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611376330445286,0.10307501516390402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641215794921192,0.0,0.22899753883968385,0.0,0.14913757883759354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410758314180275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597464061040732,0.17408275732871972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784786799600895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230509159736462,0.0,0.3221826808890007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887829117263216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610289439040175,0.12411509963598852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258825973757693,0.3957785133345493,0.0,0.0,0.09004220383552873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107956146942504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372537785048309,0.0,0.0,0.21938781009331665,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Placid_OW,2019/07/17,"How do I get the NHS to help my friend? Hi so my best friend has BPD and has been diagnosed with it since she was 18 (4 years). If the wrong place to post this feel free to suggest where might be better. I just want to know how to get the NHS to actually help my friend and not just palm her off constantly.






She's been in and out of hospital for years now and has attempted many times (somewhere around 14 times) along with bad self harm and some other problems.

Recently it's gotten even worse and she was in hospital 8 times within 3 weeks, twice for attempts and the others for bad self harm that needed stitches and then staples after she'd taken them out during a breakdown. The last time she overdosed psych said that they didn't want to see her cause she's been in so many times and they've spoken to her so it'd be a waste of their time.

The past couple weeks she's been ok as she's been able to come over mine a few times when she's been feeling really bad. This almost always at night when she's going to be home and her coming over wakes my parents up, so they've said that she can't come over (they're fine with maybe once every few weeks but not the amount it's happening recently). I'm also not working at the moment so it's not too bad for me but once I've got a job again I'll need to sleep properly. She  won't go to her parents as they normally shout for waking then up which makes things even worse.

So last night she was heading home after a few drinks and didn't feel safe so actually told a police officer that she saw. She told him that she wasn't safe and was a risk to herself. He then got in contact with the local hospital and the crisis team there. They said that they wouldn't see her as she'd been drinking (she was far from drunk and I saw her ten minutes after this) and if she wanted help she'd have to wait in a&e until the morning. The officer then asked about taking her home or to somewhere she'd be safe as ""I'd like to get back to my actual job"" which made her feel completely worthless. 

She ended up staying over mine and was okay, but just like every other time they said you're with a friend so will be safe now, just talk to the mental health team tomorrow. Every other time this has happened, whether she's been fine or ended up in hospital the mental health team says to just contact the crisis team when you're not safe. They just keep saying they'll be there and then just doing what the bare minimum (if even that) so they aren't responsible for what happens. Her cpn doesn't do her job but is the only female cpn available (has been her temporary cpn for over 2 years now) and the other day her doctor realised that she's meant to have been put on a higher dosage of mess over 6 months ago but they forgot to do it. 

Last night when she said that she felt she needed to be sectioned and to be honest I agree, she's a danger to herself. The only thing is that she wants to work as a primary school teacher in the future so would this affect that? It's one of the main things pushing her forward so if she didn't have that I don't know what would happen. 

Also if this is what has to be done how would you go about this and get them to actually listen. Or if there's something else that could be done please say. And sorry if this has turned into a bit of a rant",3.942091247554744,4.5485070827285945,4.4834520729475615,89.59636129866855,71.06095791001451,7.442683157695463,23.25112008582066,7.34059242885,0.6707585410487784,2616,57,576,25,46,831,267,689,0.113,0.813,0.07400000000000001,-0.9869,5,0,3,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,12,10,44,31,1,1,34,2,67,12,5,7,0,102,121,68,0,21,28,2,5,2,4,8,4,10,3,2,42,34,3,8,8,7,1,9,15,12,0,3,39,19,73,20,83,58,9,93,0,1,4,0,93,32,0,13,54,390,115,13,0.05728661425244873,0.0,0.2236138872677457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078112705828048,0.0,0.0573642691395433,0.0,0.0,0.09162416944119914,0.04766705219302315,0.06207002260843356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050997232152197855,0.05355525120155688,0.0,0.0,0.044049870268466906,0.19132772014927515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011876735471045,0.05066535495896305,0.06254214566066459,0.0,0.07215048523795757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058849133161420174,0.0,0.14804203702500038,0.06006392512024604,0.06190647856433761,0.0,0.045738700026353295,0.06338654906151722,0.0,0.036945126989476926,0.0,0.0,0.058144707592478785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058635277129072426,0.0,0.11724819173580225,0.0,0.1122381454511531,0.0,0.0,0.04785561535013495,0.0,0.10147787331943316,0.0,0.0,0.1135118052924474,0.0,0.144799329777303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158633337448143,0.0,0.0550041334231224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770379842634041,0.0,0.11971956611638343,0.0,0.09767190915063036,0.0,0.09163467729897838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263345516596595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058792593411624336,0.1217859842150015,0.0,0.0,0.115194029950242,0.0,0.17238943488068684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054437552789842,0.05091897490850581,0.0,0.0,0.0629664500375093,0.14008870967489326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597469213018011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054205979538052194,0.03823925985135945,0.11615927072467012,0.057552103860880666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154628664219976,0.060772044793265326,0.0,0.0,0.04572562895012451,0.0,0.0,0.1274318957764117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127882032273955,0.056128718867515415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201674909204945,0.038818892406689086,0.0871381031453829,0.0,0.0,0.12722001142724007,0.0,0.05468655541947831,0.0,0.0,0.0598523190594987,0.06288349960179444,0.0,0.0,0.05486474097104993,0.0,0.0,0.05481555311334595,0.0,0.057588869992738385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03669927199771221,0.0,0.11312724093130938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724634432837146,0.13666984490964065,0.0,0.0579771120098479,0.0913000292725028,0.0,0.11952486482326985,0.0,0.0,0.04738807929316293,0.0,0.05732798596014708,0.0,0.0,0.04410203442228313,0.0,0.06412767453142827,0.0,0.06105990856654639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307240451073207,0.046044810557738014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141760430177766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006385691161612,0.0,0.0,0.10947962976427053,0.0,0.0,0.06231138604127213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515651732435974,0.0,0.13785559943403244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341067491213096,0.0,0.1167599081112414,0.12208430139504164,0.0626339196816868,0.0,0.11067210408945324
bpd,NAAnymore,2019/07/17,"Emma Bovary suffered from BPD? Studying Flaubert's Madame Bovary in university, I started being more and more interested in the psychology behind the character, and now I'm pretty much convinced that she suffered of Borderline Personality Disorder —  since I'm myself a person with BPD, and I've seen some similarities between my own behaviour and Emma's.

I will mention the symptoms of BPD according to wiki, just for the sake of accuracy. They are:

* Markedly disturbed sense of identity
* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment and extreme reactions
* Splitting (""black-and-white"" thinking)
* Impulsivity and impulsive or dangerous behaviors (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
* Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation
* Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships
* Self-damaging behavior
* Distorted self-image
* Dissociation
* Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, or rage

“The most distinguishing symptoms of BPD are marked sensitivity to rejection or criticism, and intense fear of possible abandonment. Overall, the features of BPD include unusually intense sensitivity in relationships with others, difficulty regulating emotions, and impulsivity.”

​

When Rodolphe rejects her, she feels like dying (intense fear of abandonment, difficulty regulating emotions) and has a mystical crisis (intense and uncontrollable emotional reaction, disproportionate to the event). She buys on credit everything she can from Lheureux (self-damaging, impulsive behaviour) and when she can't repay him, she kill herself (black-and-white thinking plus evident reaction disproportionate to the event, extreme reaction to the situation). She doesn't pay interest to her child and she despise her husband for being ""boring"", but she couldn't leave him without having another partner (because it would be an ""abandonment"", because she wants to be loved, no matter from who). Because of the fear of being criticized because of her debts, she poison herself. 

​

What do you think about this analysis, and what's your point of view on the topic?",12.075233766233765,14.33483044545455,11.242207792207797,42.45045454545459,53.63636363636364,14.528138528138529,51.77489177489178,13.409020233153562,8.553852813852815,1797,119,188,68,21,579,192,330,0.226,0.7070000000000001,0.067,-0.9940000000000001,1,1,0,0,2,0,86.0,0,2,1,1,6,30,6,8,15,0,16,6,0,0,0,46,27,24,2,3,9,1,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,4,8,17,1,5,7,0,5,1,5,24,0,0,1,3,26,6,39,18,6,15,0,9,2,2,32,6,0,10,9,137,34,2,0.0,0.19376764078736355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719504893389776,0.1987184701827314,0.0,0.08574274590401648,0.06255365929835738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938440021427345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5149308887398117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042819328541494,0.0,0.08486412377237999,0.0,0.09371525419704098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367090067674451,0.0,0.36791999465944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734894073770997,0.0,0.0,0.2760412137874931,0.041345258608314485,0.05841634848906629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904661484113618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658239235033993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994858505867328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380042062133152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011019820840165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427964390005995,0.0,0.0,0.0772988741735799,0.09218314289573368,0.0,0.08318926490446754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307191342407407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558028843175874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444013833425328,0.25591114737606635,0.0,0.0,0.06764080852851605,0.18382532162863605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787707245726601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998022485628406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718432346326675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048229935914690485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882315173795126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808690693365361,0.0,0.1987184701827314,0.0
bpd,nts_tky,2019/07/17,"Keeping quiet I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, but I’ve split too many times on my friends in the past that I’m scared to open up to anyone again. I had another split a few weeks ago by mistake (I usually try really hard to control or ignore the feeling), and when it happened it scared me and I remembered the incidents of the past. In an attempt to protect myself from splitting again and hurting anyone else (myself included) I became completely mute. They were my coworkers so I see them almost everyday. And for 2 weeks now I have spoken a word and avoided them as much as possible.

Being alone really sucks. Fighting back these emotions is a struggle. But it’s like it’s destined for us. Unless we truly figure out to control it. I thought I had it pretty much under control and became for the most part stable for over a year, but again, the moment I suddenly snapped everything just got really scary. Now I just want to hide under a rock and which I never tried to make friends from the start.",3.4336529411764687,5.380076729999999,4.633235294117646,82.79882352941178,74.2,7.505882352941178,27.264705882352942,8.313332769828598,2.020758823529412,806,31,149,14,17,265,126,200,0.18600000000000005,0.685,0.129,-0.9172,0,2,0,0,2,0,19.0,2,0,3,4,11,13,2,4,14,0,6,0,0,4,2,37,20,16,0,2,8,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,7,5,1,0,0,2,9,0,1,5,5,21,4,26,14,5,30,0,1,1,0,9,9,1,3,21,108,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103803285180625,0.0,0.1246897664471756,0.12896617343825284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305710963321687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174135917767236,0.12758645102813398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095748941251956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055787003797864,0.0,0.41898257501470426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040212939291308,0.14006933344246442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119114204806425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259230897659361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924091881688912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099590796520718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101134843083511,0.0,0.1115463325061528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333022759367506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067996131226808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060834657125035274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311871573540333,0.1262447212750166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830744839826108,0.0,0.09603825008568843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437863325955795,0.0947038103406942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484407820269045,0.23773871524338105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037868631726536,0.0,0.12668259462792308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393139696268711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105798737036404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24933443167502656,0.0,0.09922709290443256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813658489198899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017635634259753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735954247077116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988557426454607,0.07260918014800792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690831324420163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978339746068936,0.0,0.13714225847452985,0.0,0.07344569551645748,0.09883895160444513,0.19976642550842705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018742339162717
bpd,NordicKitten,2019/07/17,"It's so exhausting. It has been so hard lately. The constant feeling of emptiness and like I'm completely alone. I can't control my thoughs anymore and everything frustrates me so much. Even the smallest things make me spiral down again and make me want to do bad things to myself. 
 
I'm not sure if the meds are working (properly anyway) but I haven't taken them long enough to know I guess.

I'm just tired. Of living in this body and mind that I don't recognise anymore. And I have no one to tell about it without making them frustrated or worried.",2.5371464646464648,4.977296064814818,3.2076094276094302,89.5528787878788,79.0925925925926,5.779124579124581,26.484848484848484,6.980632752743323,1.2807666666666675,437,18,84,5,11,137,75,108,0.19699999999999998,0.733,0.07,-0.9051,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,2,9,6,2,0,3,0,8,3,1,4,1,21,19,12,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,2,12,2,10,17,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,5,61,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770290143111142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390276752510523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271705951357147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898615693228936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921390103466053,0.18471156356536308,0.1917093717702601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661347341556213,0.0,0.11289579338025008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361833207628106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642592032455212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829556434579195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531171838872817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393711052794966,0.0,0.19281330930080973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350638853339225,0.0,0.15093183553916795,0.15126517961237174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34228566898953244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898615693228936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258773058997204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565114782007025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158246839200078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109684865195475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939789326714162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271128527698096,0.0,0.16793509103165624,0.0,0.0,0.19645565430112147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081728205185422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476770641033792,0.0,0.12443702612683705,0.17358485297139067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kinginthe_northh,2019/07/17,"30 Years Old or Nah? I turn 30 soon & it should be an exciting time but I’m on my bed thinking through all the times I fucked up relationships with friends and lovers. I’m a functioning borderline (diagnosed for a year, but have had it for over 10) & I’ve been blessed enough to make it from homelessness  to a six figure salary. But none of that matters when you’re constantly spending it & rarely have money when it’s needed. My two long-term relationships ended so badly that my exes would never speak to me again. My friends have distanced themselves from me due to my alcohol & drug fueled social media posts. I try to explain BPD to some, but they say I’m making excuses. I’m sick of this life. I hate being alone. My own family rarely talks to me, but I have to show up to work each day with a mask on like everything is okay. 

I honestly don’t know if I’ll make it to 30....

I don’t really see where life goes after this. My therapist has helped some, but here I am at 4AM on reddit & have to get up in a couple hours to get ready for work. *cue adderall abuse*

I’m spending my 30th alone this year. I’m planning a road trip by myself & don’t know if I’ll come back home.",2.4980769230769257,3.9659801336032414,3.7495769230769262,90.17667307692312,75.59919028340082,7.3691497975708495,22.87631578947369,8.07648339933343,0.9898390283400812,931,26,207,15,20,304,149,247,0.10800000000000001,0.765,0.126,0.7005,1,2,2,0,1,0,39.0,0,0,1,3,8,11,2,0,8,1,17,8,0,3,2,30,38,13,0,5,9,0,0,1,3,2,6,2,2,0,11,5,1,0,5,1,3,2,5,3,0,2,2,3,21,8,33,32,7,32,1,0,1,2,13,11,1,5,19,118,32,2,0.0,0.1181131652784424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065354210770862,0.0,0.20649198493031132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480669739139241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665339060229782,0.08323474266931104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555268139006415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587179349584145,0.0,0.1077265711177792,0.0,0.0,0.11030211609096068,0.0,0.06429007015721304,0.0,0.0,0.10118052460493178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560563480853372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829337082762459,0.1030036427444724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959252932507428,0.0,0.0939763270419568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540363419515069,0.09215931481216127,0.10416501352134568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984205835622353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681830479116194,0.0,0.09999450325341884,0.0,0.09817192312709336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957108068988763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082419498537085,0.04870218588100499,0.0,0.0,0.08822013529970188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996261671508688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391687968362437,0.07688500155012473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460506610441712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547289002933428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386224554387347,0.0,0.0,0.21405373511188824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927535269733844,0.0,0.0,0.07943788214554888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161866199688628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012488634768315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574465414818505,0.0,0.0638756051697005,0.0,0.0,0.1162569481066541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768114208820644,0.10843117094515872,0.09738001996757882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514710271502876,0.0,0.0,0.07081500720439753,0.0,0.0,0.19258608417786546
bpd,plxntbitxh,2019/07/17,"BPD ruined my relationship My s/o of two years had finally had enough of me and claims he no longer loves me. I have talked to my psychiatrist about having bpd and he told me that I have it but he won’t do anything to help me. A few months ago he dropped me as a client and I’ve been hopeless ever since. I have no one now because he was the only supportive and loving person in my life. Our relationship grew toxic but I tried really hard to change it but it wasn’t working, I’m waiting to get a call back from my new psychiatrist so I can receive proper help this time but I haven’t heard anything back. I feel like dying and I really want to harm myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am nothing.",-0.028209113387493545,2.2488556174496668,2.3570116566584254,92.13163899682093,90.14093959731545,5.284493111974569,18.58036029671495,6.8360192770164,0.19042818791946287,553,16,122,8,19,188,91,149,0.113,0.742,0.145,0.7273,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,0,16,3,0,0,1,14,27,11,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,3,0,2,7,3,22,4,12,19,2,14,0,2,0,2,18,1,0,0,11,80,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222673910091462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793267969605384,0.0,0.0,0.2455019654872192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293990323110776,0.0,0.0909302642864032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757389384688011,0.0,0.1523152562147925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779794507843742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481085169679434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412844614201315,0.0,0.0,0.13492926881745831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542285731889645,0.10656428488987008,0.0,0.1634041610107266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793312570621863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362351792186744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996577241163424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197778233304186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536042111704767,0.07287501716983323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692564410990461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906295034520005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406553976073694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431288869092712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107880340179992,0.11344753354065555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024607665923338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111923443785464,0.0,0.0,0.32029711478781553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339173153835638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927191185188664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989405326867952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697994695849161,0.0,0.0,0.1425345918877594,0.0,0.10127398396045437,0.0,0.14571359578141313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798202496335808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859469047604678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960580717083499
bpd,horsedaughter,2019/07/17,"Would DBT work for the lack of emotions/behaviors rather than excess of them? For instance, if your spirit feels completely broken, and you are having a hard time getting yourself to do anything for work or keep up a facade around other people, or care or have any interest or pleasure in life, but you aren't cutting, drinking, anything out of control--how would DBT deal with that?",16.65942857142857,9.0571938,13.737142857142858,58.91285714285715,53.85714285714285,15.714285714285715,53.57142857142857,10.125756701596842,5.879285714285714,306,13,50,3,2,93,56,70,0.07,0.794,0.135,0.5674,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,2,2,4,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,16,11,7,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,13,9,1,5,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,1,38,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651163049432152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996170541793061,0.21614868534518775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475567473998285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545773153465831,0.0,0.2723274082550875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250322170957106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378572969651173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227699338363652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268560357791757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175063506927088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581699674898533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715009532829083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833100507330254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158204439318126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535311028685884,0.0,0.0,0.34496462042057,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,humble_af,2019/07/17,"PLEASE help me understand this if you are a BPD, my GF ruined my life. When I(31,M) say my GF(31,F) ruined my life, you may think I'm exagerating. I'm not. I lost my car. I lost my scholarship. I lost my excellent credit. I lost over 40K. I lost everything. I lost my own sanity. I lost my health. My friends. Trust of people and my reputation in their eyes. But I'm not here to bore you with those stuff. I want to understand, what my BPD GF never let me understand. (Because she would never engage in meaningful serious conversations that actually solve a problem..) 

So .. Long story short.. after 1.5 yrs research online I started to realize my GF is BPD. Then I researched hundreds of hours about BPD and learn a universe of things. 

After all of this, and considering my experience with GF in 3 years, I still don't comprehend some things.. 

So based on what I understood, they say BPD's main issue (aside from childhood trauma, BPD parents etc.) basically their main concern is ""Abandonment"". 

What I do not comprehend is this.. 

1) So if you are a BPD, and your S.O tells you that they are with you, they will never leave you, they love you, you are their everything, and they spend their time with you, they take you to their family and friends. They laugh and cry for you. And again, I repeat, they repeatedly, every single day, tell you that they love you and you are their everything. **WHY, ON EARTH, DOES SHE NOT GET IT!?** Like WTF, are you thinking, I'm saying, when 3 years, every day, 10 times a day, I tell you, I LOve you?! Like what is the voice inside of your head is telling you is what I'm trying to comprehend?! When you see your S.O, 3 yrs, keep telling you, I LOVE YOU, and they were telling u this 3 yrs ago, and they didn't abandon you and they are still there 3 yrs after saying I LOVE YOU, what part of this do you exactly not get it that leads to BPD sessions? 

​

and 2) If you do fear abandonment, if that's the case, or if BPD's feel they are not worthy of being loved etc. or whatever research says, Why, on earth, do you strive to be the worst possible human being? (And no disrespect to anyone, I only talk about my GF as my only BPD experience!) So if she is fearing being abandoned, doesn't it seem like the natural defence tactic should be to strive to be a likeable, loveworthy person? What am I missing here that I don't get this? 

​

To analogize, I think of this as when I was 6 yrs old and I would watch the other kids playing in the street while wanting to play with them. Well, obviously, if I go out and be an asshole and rude to them, of course, they won't play with me and I be left alone. But, if I go out and be the best I can, be nice, kind, generous, forgiving, and helpful to other people, then those kids will beg me to play with them every day. How does this make sense that a BPD is afraid of abandonment, then in turn, instead of being extra nice so that they don't be abandoned, they act extremely unnecessary rude/inconsiderate, such that it would cause a person who had no intention of leaving whatsoever to leave too!?

​

Tl:dr: I need BPD persons to help me understand this!",2.7729707792207776,4.780976978896106,3.8919610389610386,87.10758441558443,76.28896103896105,7.337142857142857,24.02467532467532,8.238735603445708,1.3836140259740253,2433,79,501,44,55,789,251,616,0.102,0.722,0.177,0.9932,1,1,0,0,0,0,143.0,0,30,25,10,22,52,2,3,16,0,51,11,2,5,6,90,94,48,0,16,18,1,1,3,7,8,3,6,0,6,37,29,0,8,14,4,3,5,17,26,1,0,12,10,108,26,56,61,12,52,0,16,3,6,96,14,0,13,36,347,145,9,0.0,0.0,0.04182417644140871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03799189475984691,0.0,0.0,0.04438897179078871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931304226319255,0.1562350347913576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02996799135563178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02612643293439731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044977849345693904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6477525334685293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440279726602153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047078570772889024,0.11056197117188722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501235447364446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559817121907516,0.0,0.0,0.1083316030359477,0.0,0.11555664763118907,0.0838486017275521,0.04040362662478345,0.09645652319704102,0.021670785177267088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622547446526128,0.0,0.06717613540806355,0.0,0.048715485567244095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398567245247225,0.045557085511419786,0.0,0.0,0.08618240114697524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042207456408603135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447336340644925,0.0,0.03809502561420194,0.0,0.04463102642317169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614439632848827,0.04656640098727257,0.043826205012364366,0.06054512208573915,0.06281618986668007,0.0,0.0,0.03792884356765357,0.0,0.0,0.3274994332499686,0.0,0.2320913858241352,0.0,0.028608698154728995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03177938638390111,0.09916644947052143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449732838787871,0.0,0.0,0.06519236251831571,0.0,0.0,0.04758981894930287,0.04641209259697813,0.0,0.05942603267146952,0.11226840964921717,0.0,0.047046283479694535,0.0,0.04831705385093487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041010250180050965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041588300749724,0.0,0.0,0.03415305355187328,0.039017200537796115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030335802607806325,0.0,0.06845446448813307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049063271660750515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03222461481304308,0.034448420078171955,0.2247637957758905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694719622178737,0.08238690049749772,0.0,0.0,0.049982825161287235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02909843021689848,0.04661825678077743,0.0,0.1784708150223518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505586669669751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853536505710035,0.0,0.0773471160485375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133735698907723,0.0,0.1562350347913576,0.05519954853295197
bpd,illalwaysbehere_,2019/07/17,letting my mind wander in the shower and making connections to previous childhood traumas that led to my current fucked up self. my mind. beautiful. flawless. award winning.,5.0882142857142885,8.525002821428581,4.715428571428575,71.22957142857145,92.21428571428572,6.525714285714287,37.74285714285715,7.554174236665415,4.4348914285714285,141,9,16,3,5,43,24,28,0.174,0.503,0.32299999999999995,0.7579,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33729770035999523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37308357276913706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435400308292469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7367884495903381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806178437693511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,landlockedcorsair,2019/07/17,"Getting kicked out Cw: self harm, swearing, probably others...

I am getting kicked out at the end of the month due to my mental illness and my behavior this year. I live in a house with my partner, the landlord and three other roommates. 

I am so stressed and anxious and scared. I have no other place to go. I can ask some people if I can crash at their place temporalily, but I doubt I can find a place that would accept my cat and dog. I don't evem have a job because I havent been able to work since last October. I have no idea what I can do. My partner is at work so I have only texted with her about it. Once she is home we can discuss further. Also, the landlord only briefly talked with me about  it and then left the house, so I can only guess his reasons. I am going to try to talk to him later.

This has been a really bad year. I moved in here with my partner in March. On the first or second night here, I tried to commit suicide by overdosing. I was unsucessful but the emergency room forced me into inpatient treatment and started me on meds. I have been bad on and off. I have yelled and gotten wasted and mean towards my partner. I have punched things and caused a fair bit of chaos and noise. The meds are  kind of working now that we have built up the doseages and changed some prescriptions. 

On the last day of May, I tried overdosing again on a different med. This time I got scared of the hallucinations, and alerted my partmer who called an ambulance. I was sent to inpatient again, diagnosed BPD (depression, anxiety etc) and stayed eight days. They referred me to an intensive outpatient, and I have been going to that for a few weeks. It has been helping me learn a lot  and improve, but I am not going to enough groups because I am horrible at keeping a schedule. I should be going daily to keep my mnd on track. Waking up every day on time is so fucking hard.

I know I have been difficult to live with, but I try to be  friendly with everyone and I clean up and do dishes all the time. No one else does. I even do a bunch of yardwork to make the place prettier. I try to help as much as possible since I am not currently able to pay rent. My partner is working part time and trying to pay off our debt asap. I am trying to improve every day. I have stopped drinking and am making a serious effort to be good and keep myself in line. I just need more time to get better. I will try to apply for disability soon. I cannot handle life like this.

I went camping this weekend with some friends and my partner went with a different group. I guess my partner talked to the landlor about our relationship in more depth. Just before the trip, my partner and I got into a huge fight. I flipped out and broke up with her. She is my FP, so I get super protective and feel like she will abandon me at any second. I got jealous she was camping with other people and I got volatile. I don't know what she told him, but we will when she gets home. She says she will talk to the landlord as well. Hopefully something will work out. I just hate that it is so hard to live with mental illness. It really sucks to get kicked out of somewhere because I'm fucking crazy and out of control sometimes. It really fucking sucks to be me and have to deal with the consequences of things I barely remember and feel like were out of my control. 

I want to be  better. I don't feel out of control right now. Just really stressed, but I wont let this stop me from trying to get better and improve my life. My friends will help me stay positive, my partner will stick by my side and keep me focussed. I just hate not knowing what to do. I don't want to be homeless again. I have been kicked out by my mom twice in the past, and now this. I am so sad and dissapointed and scared and unsure. Being homeless is terrifying. I dont want to have to protect myself and constantly move around and hope the cops dont fuck with me. I am too small  and am not disciplined enough with self defense. 

I dont know what to think. I don't know what to do. I have a terrible headache and I feel super alert but very tired. I don't think I am having a panic attack anymore though.



Sorry for the long rant. I feel a bit better.",2.8093860684769787,4.461159425029519,3.882482880755607,88.77852951593863,75.17473435655253,6.870696576151122,25.79539551357733,7.606543801992383,1.2621931995277444,3271,116,685,43,70,1059,331,847,0.187,0.693,0.12,-0.9959,6,0,2,0,1,2,91.0,5,0,2,16,31,47,12,7,38,0,90,13,1,7,2,140,149,63,1,9,18,1,7,3,12,11,6,2,8,11,29,69,2,14,20,2,4,11,19,29,1,7,20,9,119,18,111,110,16,101,0,4,0,4,54,49,6,12,42,492,148,9,0.09834950086914362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03932503015617909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03344051656955338,0.0,0.0376185494852366,0.05555347095484574,0.04876813878148067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04377595353928699,0.045971753552965296,0.055943377716794494,0.0,0.0,0.0821177251643392,0.08992941432414918,0.0,0.04184409072831193,0.0,0.0,0.1739642824626876,0.10737218265170413,0.0,0.061933876728596564,0.0,0.050212918260399315,0.0,0.0,0.050516014504732615,0.05202036562055856,0.0,0.0,0.05314043556962953,0.1654609920788199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268545836187855,0.050697008441997884,0.04235414049282903,0.049911336570725655,0.0,0.10275429578404197,0.0,0.0,0.04303315548808917,0.0,0.17289732382466175,0.04817253440286623,0.0,0.0,0.04107919402192912,0.0,0.04355423304581939,0.10162132487657727,0.054842845492776064,0.03247945888391784,0.0,0.0828636962614441,0.046988581377867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432115677824344,0.07026090307207566,0.0,0.0,0.04494483102148017,0.04182801759871388,0.0,0.0,0.11397687060752268,0.1818450575415593,0.17984244242361158,0.0,0.13973571952267816,0.041245447584286964,0.15731816048588249,0.0,0.1083430632281316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810183496807343,0.09709977074822397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888239597112523,0.0,0.09865256829990074,0.09768324558949293,0.0,0.11348211934624143,0.0,0.055512307669436656,0.0,0.0,0.048798352017844035,0.17483511051819348,0.0,0.05120793536313194,0.13512578404007794,0.08016796974137343,0.0,0.0,0.05342851023054017,0.05028451401062439,0.0694671610041617,0.0720728974492311,0.0,0.1302666166707565,0.04351810669544358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041806614313756256,0.0,0.0,0.06564905552654351,0.0,0.0,0.053565719295324235,0.16386618623660307,0.0,0.09911316482662147,0.0,0.0,0.05759287338097165,0.03925081664239025,0.10452995488818777,0.03614909968871344,0.036462454356234734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046147172093894295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236950432258111,0.033322083547010016,0.11219884081383863,0.0,0.05769597434309753,0.0,0.053251462676193885,0.04694286352879158,0.06818316054564362,0.0,0.2055085915680839,0.0,0.0,0.05543714247295612,0.0,0.0,0.05301869810921511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260104172793439,0.05055983348985935,0.0,0.05279527883012014,0.05570540619767535,0.04199496818485279,0.0,0.0391057352755313,0.1476975113687393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259997863565462,0.0,0.0,0.08135572343465486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03785712534547226,0.0486350855749043,0.055047107115387565,0.034806141458641394,0.1048274821090285,0.0,0.08222458652573625,0.1126590209573264,0.0,0.0,0.053789195590459485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809920677147501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533903826426146,0.06301838897815537,0.048313942628121664,0.0,0.14337096215633208,0.0565191417265216,0.0,0.046988581377867,0.0,0.3004778486671171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04057431910500569,0.08701362564048515,0.0,0.03944501862339261,0.0,0.0442140062907936,0.0911709726271818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899901992409653,0.0,0.0,0.03493233181620378,0.0,0.0,0.06333385404468128
bpd,Hunterchick212,2019/07/17,"My SO just told me that BPD me should put a bullet in her head In an argument with my significant other tonight he told me that he would want to be with me but the BPD me should put a f**king bullet in her head. He tells me all the time he won't be with this me and I'm going into PHP in a couple weeks but this was my last chance for myself and already was ready to give up and just kill myself but I said I would give this one more shot. Now i feel more than ever like a worthless piece of shit and don't even want to try treatment anymore. This isn't the first time he has encouraged me to kill myself, though he tried to justify the last one. I can't tell if this should hurt me this bad or if he is simply just frustrated with my being messed up but it broke my heart.",3.931607142857146,3.612511803571429,4.7286666666666655,91.08300000000004,70.84523809523809,7.910476190476192,23.34761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.5172933333333338,605,11,146,5,10,196,90,168,0.223,0.693,0.084,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,4,0,9,0,16,4,4,0,2,29,26,13,2,9,10,0,1,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,9,0,3,5,2,23,2,19,12,4,19,0,3,0,0,17,7,1,3,10,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012974829868125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492071973655592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359242795737623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426894457358528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505319146043118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985686308242216,0.12306107142642618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878876401726214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157203530948544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610147517308623,0.07731787319332606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792441545355466,0.0,0.0,0.1612147401196418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563967290544716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301028690790113,0.0,0.0,0.22179071105809672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646502846814889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437609503323926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735268913754053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941055913101054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964889589158433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23781977411491975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366415195595316,0.0,0.15865861512681287,0.0,0.0,0.2599948809737644,0.0,0.18473212051058946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048648826379036,0.0,0.10912760740237548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328584065251092,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Songbird662,2019/07/17,"Seeking help means losing my entire career. I am serving in the military and on track to become a police officer. I was diagnosed with BPD by a military psychiatrist about a year and a half ago after suicidal ideation sand months of treatment. The only reason I’m still where I am today was my Sergeant Major sticking his neck out for me and challenging my doctor so he could save my career as I was about to be Administratively Separated without an honorable discharge due to my condition. Over time I have gotten better, but in order to earn back the confidence of my command I had to get off my medication and eventually stop receiving any sort of treatment. Every day though I can feel it inside of me. The fear of abandonment, splitting, dissociation and impulsivity. I truly want to get help because I have nobody to talk to other than my chaplain. My girlfriend and I are in an extremely difficult long distance relationship so that doesn’t help either. I know however that if I do get the help I need, I will be throwing everything out the window: my Military career, my rights, and my future in law enforcement. I have prepared my whole life for these things and I can’t throw them away. Just needed to get this off my chest and few heard by someone.

TL:DR, can’t seek help without getting kicked out of the military and lifelong dreams.",7.7816562322140035,7.825241055776896,8.279433693796246,67.63590637450201,62.745019920318725,11.31485486624929,36.65367103016505,10.914260884657429,4.197637222538418,1079,47,181,26,14,359,155,251,0.08199999999999999,0.777,0.14,0.9234,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,5,9,8,0,1,13,0,19,6,2,1,0,33,33,16,1,5,6,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,7,14,0,2,4,1,0,3,5,4,0,1,6,3,34,4,39,23,4,31,1,2,0,0,13,14,0,2,13,135,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999978610926396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920581206897519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271871666503833,0.10409329836831403,0.0,0.08252197958916277,0.14950858058077926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972620755832775,0.0,0.0,0.17049725553152562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808413554466773,0.0,0.0,0.08730423276010975,0.0,0.0,0.13740050445267554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385597587440464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405739105986612,0.0,0.12166431012808085,0.0,0.0,0.15233199377991252,0.06844853626095737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35363340573782354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536875461372525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439733001483945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561778566420263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980063495807865,0.0,0.15144749432448765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746062434370433,0.0,0.13637381637058854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805324756634713,0.0,0.0,0.2007543763140892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295708607857554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918574624235824,0.0,0.14533968517751325,0.0,0.11560759958604615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470090243969515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810886307099883,0.11317769111471998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807583038294328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880749873922227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993564823936022,0.0,0.1330030519177705,0.0,0.07893694650405184,0.0,0.1283175502118777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984636276181041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113885498957658,0.0,0.2609890246932986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717562073638549
bpd,Longboarding-Is-Life,2019/07/17,"I think my new FP killed herself I ended up talking to this girl after she posted on r/teenagers that she was gonna kill herself, this obviously hit close to home, and I actually struck up a conversation after she made a post about how she changed her mind the next day. 

We talked all night. From about 8 pm to 4 am. We talked about our experiences, interests, past relationships, and sexual preferences. It turned out she was 17 (I'm 18) bisexual with a high sex drive and shared a lot of kinks with me. It feels weird saying that now, but I think it is dishonest to leave it out. She complimented a picture I posted on my alt I sent her after she asked for it. Before I went to sleep i asked her if she wanted a picture of me in the morning and she said yes. 

She was honest, funny, and most of all fun to talk to, I would have killed to have her as a freind let alone in a relationship. 

The next day I send them to her before I went to work, after work I notice there is still no response. ""She said she has a fucked up sleep schedule, and she is on the west coast, she probably hasn't woken up yet"".

 But I check her profile to see if she had commented and posted recently, and what I see hits me like a ton of bricks. 

>Goodbye guys

>It’s been fun. I love you all. Thanks to people who saw >my earlier posts and reached out


I saw when it was posted and did the math, she posted it about an hour after I went to sleep, the guilt came in, I could have done something, I should have told her to seek help even though I know a bunch of other people who saw her post  did. There is so much I didn't tell her, I actually gilded her post about being alright, I was planning on telling her when we were better freinds because I thought it would be better then, now she may never know.

It's been almost 48 hours and there is still no activity.


I want to be hopeful, I really do, but I feel that hope will just make everything worse. I don't want to be checking her account every day until I ""get over her"" ( I absolutely hate that phrase). If I still have hope will I still be checking her profile a month from now looking for a post that said ""just got out of the hospital, I was there for a while and now I'm healthy and got the help I need"". Will I wake up every day and check my phone only to be wrecked that she still hasn't sent me a message about something, anything.

TL;DR: Befreinded girl after she made a post how she wasn't going to kill herself after all, we talked and talked, had a lot in common, and almost fell in love, she made a post 2 days ago saying goodbye and nothing since.",4.002267958030672,4.5282080753295695,4.860190476190478,87.23938983050849,70.88323917137477,7.876481033091202,25.529244013989768,7.859703344183488,1.151568695184288,2012,55,443,24,35,654,238,531,0.096,0.754,0.15,0.9842,0,1,2,0,0,0,69.0,5,1,1,5,29,24,6,1,27,2,47,8,4,6,6,75,99,33,4,15,8,0,2,1,0,8,0,5,1,3,21,29,0,0,8,0,5,10,8,8,0,0,36,13,87,16,65,45,10,85,0,0,6,4,80,22,1,12,42,308,108,3,0.0,0.0,0.10475611393813768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475787402743442,0.0,0.1074934654083405,0.05559005080502695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416910804948005,0.0,0.10035584221365317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032719156934350554,0.0,0.09134519878312088,0.0,0.0,0.09494053811501148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061388728411434224,0.0,0.0,0.056779948562312166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042854301491623725,0.0,0.0,0.1730763674679366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492711156087464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753921050941718,0.0,0.0,0.035451154230868434,0.0,0.090445277638503,0.0,0.0482387077504494,0.05250344671119799,0.0,0.0,0.05427834889561867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962072493315922,0.02804243659003116,0.0,0.030504156870745782,0.0,0.08585596192710945,0.0,0.0,0.053145673792392316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299193808739384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719530679953519,0.05670950142072445,0.05383937316459991,0.15993110372658972,0.10571610701701813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375292032023835,0.0,0.05899562585316059,0.0,0.0,0.056832989542167485,0.0,0.054885275890405434,0.0,0.02622239297428068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507262080635042,0.0,0.0,0.09126338817431848,0.09688571589494152,0.15236283858750171,0.035827795051947685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419541395039282,0.0,0.04284205471064383,0.0,0.039456547381279336,0.03979857231115772,0.04139667836268268,0.051838659452442745,0.1141657625150024,0.0503693894983307,0.0,0.05150162654177631,0.06110817620809636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082147657726262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123788240886658,0.07442155206743717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6168579735266271,0.0,0.05786962309031282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03438492274172435,0.0,0.05299657496816285,0.1152515243038756,0.0,0.0,0.15316872412900312,0.08536739836209642,0.0,0.0,0.08554241765471214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439966671479728,0.0,0.16113821290252284,0.0,0.0,0.08264169635068548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143205285685339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588466474948908,0.09382683973248547,0.0494157847908654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878423175183024,0.05273440785243357,0.042611140654343335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128778319460532,0.0,0.0,0.05838187185545447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094974903177814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926893749382406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815058600801401,0.0,0.05469836595104865,0.07625690361937038,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ghost_boi16,2019/07/17,"struggling with falling back into self-destructive behaviors i used to self harm, i used to shoplift. i drank occasionally, the alcohol stolen. i’m starting to want to shoplift again, and i’m really wanting to self harm again. can anyone help i don’t really have anyone else to turn to",5.634622641509434,7.482528264150942,6.052971698113207,75.26549528301891,68.24528301886792,9.828301886792454,32.117924528301884,10.125756701596842,3.510211320754717,230,10,40,6,4,74,33,53,0.254,0.675,0.071,-0.8843,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,7,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,9,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160208265040916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826749637025516,0.20711118002388898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542932693031633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688578431304076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354868200703402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589856955615293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.632612622160775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307218323856594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113153752304036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198648198839998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491594550692023,0.0,0.0,0.2384489033672471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thehollowone111,2019/07/17,"Anyone else view themselves as a sad, helpess child? I don't mean in general- this is almost a hallucination in a sense when I am having an emotional breakdown or even sometimes when something embarrassing or slightly wrong happens in public. I remember one time in college I was taking over the lease for a friend. I called to get the internet set up and they noticed I wasn't the previous tenant and told me I need to go to the office and add myself to the lease or get out of the apartment. I literally sat down on the stairs by myself and cried like a child. Scream cry and everything. But it was like I stepped out of my body for a moment and reverted to a child. I just kept imagining the pitiful grown babies make before they cry and a child being very scared and wanting help. I imagine this somewhat has to do with my abusive past, but it's very weird and out-of-body like.",4.795344827586206,5.847059166666671,5.459252873563219,81.74853448275864,69.40229885057471,8.328735632183909,30.017241379310345,8.59863814320734,2.2294,701,27,136,11,12,227,106,174,0.136,0.7929999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.8312,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,4,11,0,2,17,0,10,1,1,1,0,30,22,17,0,2,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,4,4,13,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,6,2,18,4,23,15,1,21,0,2,1,0,11,12,0,5,8,92,22,1,0.0,0.176831613948413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944789535554295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435598348459656,0.15291973932853234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699700076756387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33155640086892274,0.0,0.0,0.15239642940891815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918178027768364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246755358745084,0.16788119573307805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857530162604576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341323087983061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530676910479035,0.0,0.15594931703434511,0.0,0.08481970558136948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197737832896095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003616997024703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874156310648565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962258720385188,0.0,0.0,0.16257219540585385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066371053279696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991708823645515,0.0,0.0,0.10113267121211927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247179880919095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690661546352361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942086714585867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489654316478574,0.14760770021721606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221410642176537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702630108147942,0.0,0.0,0.1426105526837063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462864765291873,0.08802891312262327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631766187332747,0.0,0.0
bpd,BrokenAya,2019/07/17,"Tips for getting over your ex? It's been around 3 years since me and my girlfriend broke up, and till now I haven't been able to getting over her. We broke up when I was in my worst moment, a little before I was diagnosed with BPD, I was acting irrational and I treated her so bad, I always apologized for my actions, but it still happened a lot of times.

I don't talk to her, I don't look for her either, I threw away almost every I had from her (mostly letters and drawings, I just kept a couple of stuffed animals)... But she still affects me, really bad, I even have dreams about her almost every night since that day, and I can't take it anymore... It hurts so much I just want to die.

I don't know what to do, my psychologist says that I have to give it time, but it's only getting worse. I want to kill myself just to stop it, I would give anything just to move on...

Sorry if it's too dramatic, I'm not in my best mood right now, but if someone can relate or have some tips or comments or anything, I will be happy to read them.

Thanks for reading and sorry if there was any mistake, my English isn't the best, and I'm kinda writing this in a rush ><",4.017530864197532,4.029062028806589,5.101662551440332,87.34014814814816,70.6872427983539,7.632263374485596,26.89958847736625,7.0316486544052195,1.1143395884773657,895,26,198,7,15,296,135,243,0.213,0.718,0.069,-0.99,0,0,0,0,0,3,40.0,1,1,1,2,16,14,1,0,5,0,21,1,0,1,0,41,37,21,2,7,16,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,12,10,0,2,1,3,0,5,7,8,0,0,9,2,38,5,29,25,8,30,0,3,1,0,20,12,0,12,13,145,50,2,0.12072989687805682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417871046518036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004569456729352,0.0,0.0,0.0821004698816482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973161661199985,0.0,0.0,0.19870083655350868,0.10747520444600188,0.0,0.0,0.11342971230211528,0.0,0.2016088420040318,0.0,0.0,0.10273225006615412,0.0,0.253397156661596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205507876751576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335853345762313,0.0,0.07786079575117505,0.0,0.0,0.12253830398686323,0.1252985721668922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974095825718107,0.0,0.2034402903150368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922916452815394,0.2316302362256705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676104909265828,0.12851922019000184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292438516030791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356974327319918,0.0,0.06634999396460989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100307355374601,0.0,0.0,0.10138270677605787,0.0,0.0,0.10264024098375553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831677398251273,0.08875036556534731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329682975254965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182052687327276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415251362054975,0.0,0.07734266340577396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031026722769112,0.0,0.09600925974067108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973803657171765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229404984145392,0.0,0.0,0.2702944705054895,0.0,0.0,0.19283010319996333,0.10093559971698346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077385743124718,0.09703811794336847,0.0,0.1111518684721175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407971475074145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241924236489298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230340791623849,0.08576305483220839,0.0,0.0,0.07774609530431521
bpd,twitterpated9,2019/07/17,"How do you deal with the despair that comes after spending time with your FP? Pretty much the title, I’m totally freaking out and I don’t know what to do and we had a great day so I don’t want to ruin it for myself.",-0.14499999999999955,1.6966661666666667,2.4123333333333328,94.86600000000004,85.25,4.673333333333334,17.933333333333334,5.6839178017228535,-0.4427966666666663,168,4,39,1,5,58,38,48,0.17,0.6659999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.081,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,11,9,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,7,8,2,5,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35162029569618625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632493460160762,0.4208268692106156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45003188146233103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433103015249567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000672606587478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41527686782123213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380193821850101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407615543288184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CaptainDootDoot,2019/07/17,"Long time lurker, finally saw a doc It felt so validating for a doctor to finally tell me that I do have BPD tendencies and that I should seek DBT. I feel like I have been fighting stigma and judgement from people for a year now instead of someone just saying ""I believe you, it makes sense, let's try to deal with it""

God it just feels so good to know I'm not making it up.",2.7023076923076914,3.9350012820512816,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,74.64102564102564,7.2512820512820495,24.538461538461537,7.793537801064563,1.1462923076923075,292,9,63,4,6,98,58,78,0.032,0.821,0.147,0.8384,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,2,0,13,14,4,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,7,2,9,9,0,7,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,7,41,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24652130247421736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755805862266275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255810881596439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395891020687975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127145320132555,0.15631623499255826,0.2100896658371635,0.4793861894294498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835254827380964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025096682799295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374565554638653,0.0,0.10689836956893273,0.0,0.0,0.19363789234698248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921116223114755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516936799894919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400463238042854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853950190371816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124753791627191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758850530883906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855603724789612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090495821946614
bpd,LudiPro,2019/07/17,"I just found out yesterday that I have BPD-like symptoms. It was strange. The day before yesterday, I'd had a huge spat with a group of my friends and I'd assumed, because they'd all sided with...let's call him Lizard, that they were all betraying me and were never really my friends and obviously cared more for Lizard. Which then started spiraling into ""i'm never gonna believe in their 'good will' ever again. none of them are my friends and i'm not gonna fall for them pretending to be"" and other admittedly vengeful and bitter thoughts.

I eventually caved and went to a seperate friend for vent and comfort...she told me that that was a BPD-esque symptom. That I should look into getting evaluated for it. And at the time....I reacted badly. I winced backwards. Out of all the mental illnesses out there, BPD was the one that I...I /thought/ I was distanced from. I didn't know anything about it, other than ""there's no way that's me. there's no way i'm someone with borderline personality disorder""
(I had an ex who abused me who had/thought she had it and thus that's where I'd gotten such a perception.)

Until yesterday. Yesterday, I'd been doing some mental health research for a fictional character from a 3D platformer game. I wanted to see if I could match her actions and words and find a diagnosis beyond ""she's crazy, obsessive, and melodramatic"" (""they're crazy"" just felt so lazy to me, and kinda insulting to those who legit have mental health issues. that, and overthinking video games is just kinda my hobby)

And eventually, my search brought me to BPD. I thought I was safe, so I read on.
And I discovered that not only does this certain character (that'd i'd weirdly attached myself to and related to when nobody else seemed to) had very BPD-like traits. (I don't think it was intentional? not trying to like, break rule 4 or anything. i just wanted to vent about how exactly this all started happening very quickly in the span of two days)
But I did, as well. It was mindblowing. It was like I was living life looking through a one way mirror with a tiny little peephole, only to have the mirror shattered in a matter a seconds - exposing my eyes and mind to the full unburdened picture of what laid behind.

I'm gonna put in an appointment to get properly evaluated with a doctor next month, (she's on vacation and won't be back until August 5th.) but i'm kinda worried she'll like, not diagnose me because of how hesitant doctors are said to be about BPD or that maybe I'm not BPD at all and I'm just a special kind of fucked up all on my own :'^)",3.869925149700599,5.602802936127748,5.0045304391217575,81.49098727544911,72.53293413173651,8.283453093812374,28.89226546906188,8.912814788092511,2.399619121756487,2025,82,387,41,40,667,247,501,0.102,0.846,0.053,-0.9585,0,0,0,0,1,0,82.0,0,0,5,0,24,20,3,1,23,0,36,12,2,5,12,86,72,35,0,5,15,1,1,3,4,7,9,1,0,1,29,30,0,1,12,5,0,5,13,6,1,4,28,7,44,14,58,31,11,54,0,0,4,1,28,24,1,9,24,258,73,4,0.0,0.08538145502595446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860145053378915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541107976293935,0.060168596964302684,0.08785641467583005,0.0,0.06131928826160087,0.08118897706417344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6353152433054989,0.0,0.07358315966900307,0.0,0.07347181263658621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057535487391155625,0.0,0.0,0.09294780511221143,0.0,0.0,0.07314121495849209,0.0,0.0,0.08258907141519327,0.14751662141656358,0.06306177097534661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019839112146295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518402803600865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691906333849475,0.0,0.06586318405552949,0.0,0.0,0.07901204944561886,0.2226990864513823,0.06661997732689239,0.07529863750822678,0.0,0.0,0.06044202289687733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637240159755873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319665742980146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521380194141593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504128050484199,0.03960328332584434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368807772003354,0.050899383833989134,0.17602878915580347,0.07222485970086191,0.06363189385060891,0.0,0.12102753356495577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239576866229934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786405029029807,0.0,0.07276188031231261,0.0,0.057519045062424876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111570126250871,0.0,0.0766385469025493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766188778066848,0.1096124995227618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292158837695484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244201740383995,0.0,0.0,0.0720813057237156,0.0,0.0461646373874284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685472783291557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057423928533097836,0.06560236061589457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061057733337247636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201143264094964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979961426887442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617429477226798,0.0,0.2288360944415279,0.04201981787052615,0.0,0.0,0.06885814260419837,0.0,0.04892523518175616,0.0,0.07039391227631336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891707172571622,0.08500783902764762,0.1715979192906427,0.0,0.0,0.06479221676840058,0.06680201498361267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318226071319915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oookgaylord,2019/07/17,"Dealing with the jealousy part of BPD. Over the years, I’ve gotten pretty used to the things that come with this disorder. It sucks but I’ll deal with it, even if I can’t, haha. However, the thing that gets me most is the jealousy that comes with it. 

   Not all people have this symptom from what I know and I really wish I didn’t. I’m not a very selfish person overall, I don’t think? I barely know who I am as a person anymore, though, which kinda sucks.

  Anyways, as I said, I can deal with all the other symptoms pretty quietly and without freaking out internally. I rarely snap at people (my last anger outburst was two years ago) and I tend to keep my negative emotions to myself for fear of judgement or ridicule, even in a therapeutic setting (such as my counselor’s office or when I’m with my SO). But the jealousy. I keep it to myself, but it just makes me feel so guilty and worthless.

   Whenever somebody I care about dearly (usually not a close friend, we’re talking about partners here, usually — although I did have one friend I was very close to that I’d get jealous over) mentions somebody else that they are close to or something, I get so damn jealous. 

  It makes me feel terrible — why am I like this, jealous for the silliest of reasons? I really want to overcome but I think I need some advice. It’s easily one of the things for me personally that makes life hardest on some days. It’s almost as if I’m constantly comparing myself to that person. I’m not enough. I don’t matter as much as that person. I’ll never be enough. It makes me think nobody cares whether or not I’m here or not.

For those of you who do have this issue as well, how are you working on overcoming it? Of course, it’s a grueling process, but I’m desperate. This is one of the parts of me that I hate most. Every-time I feel a spark of jealousy now, I feel so ashamed.

Any tips? Even if not, I wish you the best of luck. ❤️",2.0755929763960843,4.090896406735754,3.4792314335060475,89.21567501439264,78.4559585492228,6.361427748992517,24.71185952792171,7.3871296695380915,1.1255793897524464,1487,54,308,20,36,487,184,386,0.2,0.659,0.141,-0.9814,1,0,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,3,1,2,19,25,9,2,17,1,19,3,0,7,3,72,58,33,0,7,23,0,4,1,3,0,3,2,0,6,34,16,0,2,10,0,0,2,14,15,1,4,6,6,42,10,46,51,12,24,0,1,0,0,20,10,3,15,12,219,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414296047284547,0.07632883847752238,0.0,0.08622392387053858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058555849576884166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539520592313422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036419529678756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844900562136926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558406079244954,0.0,0.0,0.14834745881077693,0.0,0.0930512943839638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553202132112791,0.2663182305350945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986863125855162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193151759138171,0.0968590116692267,0.0,0.17794351354889995,0.0,0.1706189829444989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689454060858746,0.17415355269144475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305242014143173,0.0,0.13496237609410866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501303438385968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987354672897077,0.0,0.1530720736769705,0.0,0.0,0.09464453179426484,0.07018886157599148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608200627199105,0.042067629077335335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299089018126456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329870052424147,0.0638473986502835,0.06641118192771876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750454040722205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864914156891516,0.0,0.11939178284770663,0.3759274340141712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752039594933055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032495601529836,0.08853254399664481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190766671863797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066289530322657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899670386908295,0.0,0.06920970666437014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161739509059287,0.16552205307178924,0.08459988801651121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411422373420338,0.0,0.0,0.07436897516543255,0.1896698340380833,0.1420949177776976,0.050788258245015185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742071496324668,0.0,0.07769835599000784,0.0,0.19803806378480784,0.08300426924128906,0.0,0.06268706802590564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090042891087504
bpd,GreenEyedGirl0318,2019/07/17,"Hurt Was recently told by FP that I ""had too many issues"" that he didn't want to deal with, even if I was on medication and stable and going to therapy and all that good stuff, as a reason for why I was considered someone that he didn't want to date. 

I had a really bad anxiety attack a few days ago when he isolated because he was being weaned off of his Fluoxetine, but did so by avoiding being around me and being silent while around me, instead of just saying to me that he just needed to be alone, or needed space. I immediately noticed the difference in behavior and began tripping myself up trying to figure out what i could have done wrong, to the point i was visibly shaking while I tried to distract myself through cleaning. 

His response to that was to laugh at how ""ridiculous"" I was acting and that I ""shouldn't or didn't have to take everything so personally."" I also found out later when he finally told me that he isolated from me that day because every time I opened my mouth it was like i was the most annoying thing and he couldn't deal with it. 

This person knows what I've been through, knows why I developed these bad coping mechanisms, these bad thoughts, why I have the BPD, CPTSD, anxiety, excoriation  and MDD. The fact that they would respond to me like this is actually so fucking hurtful and I don't know how to deal with it because now I'm afraid to really talk to anyone because I feel now like everything that I am worried about or that comes out of my mouth is just going to be stupid or over the top to everyone else. 

Plus he's really helped me a lot up to this point, and still is, so all around I just feel hurt and confused and ashamed and embarrassed. I wish it would all just go away. I feel mostly level still, thanks to the SSRI meds I'm taking, but the low feeling is still very prominent, and I still wish I could just disappear.",10.586096525096524,6.5514068297297285,10.152818532818538,69.34405405405408,60.43243243243244,13.706563706563704,39.94208494208494,11.35114627814755,4.22369498069498,1477,50,293,29,14,484,181,370,0.19399999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9914,0,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,1,28,26,5,7,12,0,37,4,2,3,4,73,65,34,0,13,13,0,4,3,0,3,1,1,1,2,25,26,0,1,11,0,0,8,6,20,0,0,22,5,37,6,48,32,7,48,0,4,0,1,23,21,1,9,22,213,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.08136470814354753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390939145653623,0.0,0.0,0.08635425827473961,0.0,0.06667719877837325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756758185916178,0.0,0.0,0.05829969835067021,0.0,0.0,0.22267176484745055,0.0,0.09485428749938822,0.07833619036330253,0.0,0.20885094794327053,0.20330533881686208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501142385262792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182259433999442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314078205003504,0.0,0.0,0.10754357026943676,0.2578765607500605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711205786892168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532444042278664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965145543633225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507025239691283,0.0,0.07024939491708054,0.07967106365596803,0.14986918585601647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863328928042018,0.05956511898247952,0.0,0.0913363074964096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914194572042752,0.0,0.07708143515980305,0.0,0.0,0.1421565803263135,0.06993334515849957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055886383690520416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677729870855827,0.0,0.0,0.08702476389359587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746677970861945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220254862285446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088482632507546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453200537910749,0.0,0.0,0.0926139427345114,0.08399436453476727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364716860495585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492618111611914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560456275244738,0.0,0.0,0.1576379474736523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024186645970773,0.08572626783542579,0.08232552149535881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663053753292885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706457417441925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26634248408943384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544763624543696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537946242525833,0.06701591959840099,0.0,0.07676307866035366,0.09534978395334727,0.0,0.05539250732970318,0.0,0.0,0.06619266203501425,0.0486182673212384,0.0,0.0,0.15934212731193606,0.0,0.11321611008169248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879541934277497,0.09835677667574867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22570649532755216,0.0,0.1917607168079228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467420600179598,0.0,0.1184583977711269,0.09116053849884344,0.0,0.0
bpd,IComeInPeace89,2019/07/17,"Is anyone else's therapist also their FP? I had the same therapist for three and a half years, and she just recently fired me. She wasn't just my therapist; it felt like she was the mother I had never had. (Well, I had a mother but she was a sociopath so she doesn't count.) My therapist was the only person in the world whose opinion mattered, and the reason I didn't kill myself was because it would make her sad. She fired me over the phone in a brief conference call while I was in the hospital with no transitional sessions and no referral (even though I begged for a referral). Now I feel like I'm living with cognitive dissonance: how she ended things was awful, but also I feel like she was PERFECT and nothing she did could ever be wrong.

When I got the news that she was going to leave me, a few days later I did try to take my life. Now I'm just meh. Ho hum my attempt failed. I don't plan to do it again. I'm ambivalent that it didn't work that time.  Maybe it's just because it's been so rare for me to feel attached to someone, maybe it's because I have no family and live alone with a turtle, but this has hit me hard, obviously. Has anyone else ever gotten this attached to a therapist?",3.04124518613607,4.38172291056911,4.473294822421909,86.05195763799743,73.95934959349594,7.780573384681215,24.32948224219084,8.371475516178862,1.405938211382114,940,28,197,16,19,313,124,246,0.155,0.762,0.083,-0.946,0,1,0,0,1,1,28.0,0,0,1,5,18,9,1,0,16,1,28,2,0,3,5,34,41,17,1,2,7,2,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,9,4,1,2,21,7,34,5,16,16,2,21,0,2,0,1,18,5,0,1,17,144,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005735649663476,0.0,0.16995841045385976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860438415468122,0.2177598536203263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433246778041396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850732647748658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484308016231204,0.0,0.0,0.06853142675609407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753971175520478,0.0,0.09411827769242416,0.0,0.0,0.07018630605480662,0.1922435688556143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017615096287197,0.0,0.1611906674291156,0.1518299077681235,0.10203001175345283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060392225204610725,0.0,0.0849889510113464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519158516709522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756526490187318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251813049694533,0.0,0.0,0.0750573376302582,0.15574552694081825,0.0,0.187665947248996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093198073069586,0.0,0.21351274778535567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195727333147715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019630813496623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081848703719027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278554173552743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925699101336994,0.10492278492115154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003706058562902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989723071670196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6169029111936529,0.0705970156912448,0.0,0.10440374564524388,0.0,0.0619633366752852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214621512224811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095544011017109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736138733594332,0.0,0.0,0.07548682817724307,0.11618289687663542,0.0,0.0684304698470742
bpd,trashflower7,2019/07/17,"What is your ""relationship"" with sex? (past and or present) It took me a long time to develop a ""healthier"" viewing of sex and having sexual encounters. I really don't want to go into personal details, but I often feel like I can't relate to my peers when it comes to how I perceive sex. (using it as a form of validation etc etc)
When my partner doesn't feel like having sex, even though I rationally know that that's completely fine, I still have moments where I will feel utterly rejected and empty, not to mention how ugly and unattractive I feel. (This is just an example of what I am going through rn since I really can't type out all the messed up shit that goes through my head or that used to go through my head) 
I am in that headspace right now where I feel like I am a complete fucking freak and I would really like to hear some experience of other BPD people since I have no one in my life who also has BPD.
Anything and everything will be appreciated.
❤️",6.7915544041450815,5.850459269430053,7.64995336787565,74.59161398963735,65.11398963730569,11.450569948186526,34.325906735751296,10.793553405168565,3.5132035233160632,761,29,153,18,10,257,117,193,0.157,0.746,0.098,-0.9191,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,13,10,2,0,6,0,18,9,3,4,1,31,34,16,0,2,5,0,5,4,1,3,1,1,0,2,13,10,0,0,7,0,0,5,6,5,0,1,1,7,22,5,21,29,5,22,0,1,1,5,7,8,2,4,13,110,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949443607613988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102382744035471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31339206173006023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717229656175796,0.2608930108640627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775106828116313,0.08217477349361453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181596111661332,0.12170150548638607,0.0,0.0,0.31453919645732664,0.2666457813863141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501943788393885,0.0,0.0,0.21212332031360895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553708683033617,0.0,0.14022447312101424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837509661922707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787782212079848,0.2431310629932376,0.0,0.0,0.1101031446783038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843066590979039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876796320428085,0.08625352709757285,0.10863416675106696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391098371152314,0.0,0.0,0.13357488789770194,0.0,0.10624952253039374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770995998378185,0.20583434501004486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993577855065487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222368668837404,0.0,0.07254724521652514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822937263543614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490880734506346,0.0,0.0,0.07338304704542056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838067360850281,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,the-bad-seed,2018/11/21,"Need help with switching to a new psychiatrist after the diagnosis So a psychiatrist whom I had only one session with before conducted some tests which were problematic in my point of view. Some of the test were either proven to be unscientific (such as Rorschach) or tests such as MMPI done in an unsupervised setting and I am not sure if they were up to date with DSM 5 etc. After the tests, he diagnosed me with BPD before even having another therapy session. Needless to say, I am not continuing therapy with him. I am thinking of switching to a new psychiatrist or not going to therapy at all. My question here is that if I decide to go to another psychiatrist should I mention the diagnosis or should I just let the new one know of all my symptoms and traumas like I did the previous time and see if he/she also diagnoses me with BPD or anything else? Thank you. ",5.852,6.922084866666669,7.1375757575757595,70.60636363636365,67.0,10.606060606060607,34.39393939393939,10.637119530657019,3.919121212121212,693,32,124,19,11,236,96,165,0.05,0.903,0.048,-0.0931,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,0,10,0,15,3,0,0,3,33,22,14,0,6,12,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,6,3,16,3,26,12,6,16,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,10,9,98,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691926292631206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803906972406968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100231124509182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22753647337202895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33677911618588396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714039021262165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368207790181396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168858940446336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491100348450176,0.08830711102629113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519687596068638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896158066218224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347762569806973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671656838587287,0.0,0.06531871297263868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913631925442633,0.0,0.3873827824540892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811961795256494,0.10168432432100157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638903149727376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977378793558307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632303078334217,0.0,0.0,0.10654101308095804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260099856154824,0.1389647405797372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309233052216367,0.4586903232555257,0.0,0.0,0.0856690976915791,0.0,0.0,0.0779611231722479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hellsoutcry,2018/11/21,"ADVICE PLEAASE right the past couple of days I have been fairly ok, a few upset moments here and there but i was coping really well until today. I felt myself split and started disassociating and now i kind of know how to spot it happening easier. But i was having a lovely day with my boyfriend and within 5 seconds of the end of a normal conversation, i completely changed, i was all of a sudden miserable and angry and everything he was doing started to piss me off. i try my best to keep it all in but its near impossible. we got into an argument (which then was resolved nicely) but after about 5 straight minutes of this i start crying and all i want is a hug, making him apologise for something that i basically initiated. 

​

Also on another note, does anyone else who has a really high sex drive, get reaaaaally LIVID if they don't get laid. I practically am salty until i get what i want and a lot of the time my partners not in the mood and im not one to keep coming onto someone so i just lie there watching tv in a strop until the next day, and if it doesnt happen again, i will continuously be building up this sexual frustration. and once ive done my business its like im a completely different happy, easy to talk to person. 

​

idk im just trying to grasp how to deal with my emotional reactions healthily, is there any books anyone can recommend?

thanks in advance\]\]\]\]  ",4.388359593837535,6.061183819852943,5.8599579831932775,76.11921568627452,71.09558823529412,8.710364145658264,28.02591036414566,9.23628265651192,2.5486160364145665,1117,41,200,24,21,378,174,272,0.109,0.705,0.18600000000000005,0.9687,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,1,3,14,16,2,2,15,1,20,4,1,3,3,42,39,25,0,5,10,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,11,16,0,2,4,2,0,3,4,4,1,2,9,2,27,11,34,28,6,38,0,1,1,3,11,14,1,3,22,147,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259759608445222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396257907042405,0.0,0.22751897072347,0.2551551077286812,0.07139859792798589,0.1100939411820886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468265950649897,0.10757737071755127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018330181701108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106829529035253,0.09044186568723606,0.22016557827245214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617236303559555,0.11532948880490144,0.20313470768943095,0.10824280523218777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969496590758156,0.0,0.0,0.09187976985570873,0.10744392696295413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770788127859985,0.11810259230878364,0.09299231866925037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943606180088754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080940280070767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456296844428148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839722082637366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856892957987939,0.11176662133105948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093049234895606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402302154091355,0.0,0.0,0.1866445713184477,0.0,0.10933368149711507,0.057701211070198676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129410222855037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926099092727409,0.09475995994102716,0.0,0.07008340481437579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166086747286223,0.0,0.10287049857646573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118137387333376,0.07114573246341145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002273583815415,0.0,0.09167552654508164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452195182680102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966314387496045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895992611959329,0.08082846643917252,0.0,0.0,0.2229430003805107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438910979090182,0.0,0.0966631199239827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612220547506043,0.0,0.09952074956600647,0.0,0.0,0.14256622607042072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385476279828607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440099561189204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551551077286812,0.0
bpd,isitmeorbpd,2018/11/21,"MEAN BPDs I don’t know if this is a recurring theme with some of you but I have like a mean and pessimistic side

Just about all the time

Im not trying to be mean I just am - and I’m not into all that silly cutesy mindless wishful thinking stuff - it sounds pessimistic... when I think I’m just being a realist, i think it comes off a pessimism


Are yall BPDs mostly nice or are yall mean too like me?",-0.0973255813953493,2.021996709302329,1.622139534883722,98.75018604651164,87.72093023255816,4.370232558139535,17.902325581395353,5.6839178017228535,-0.5562660465116278,311,8,73,2,10,101,58,86,0.11599999999999999,0.7090000000000001,0.174,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,2,26,20,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,6,18,4,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,5,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919479252166915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962318018724104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156504683721587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057464648281327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8052356295649921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115597019072712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552504250192109,0.0,0.0,0.10776239775367874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254717635876956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251883064494573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InherittheEarth,2018/11/21,"We Just Broke Up My boyfriend and I just broke up. Besides him, I have one friend. I am really afraid of what's going to happen to me, I can feel myself on the edge of spiraling out of control. Wow this hurts.",0.2043181818181808,2.351914431818184,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,86.5,5.3381818181818215,17.89090909090909,6.742157984588678,-0.09477636363636366,161,4,37,2,5,53,35,44,0.184,0.677,0.139,-0.3016,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,9,2,9,6,0,5,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903839844899296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210736323456972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377982402135295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484845209284939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866358106608859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680574213365245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29627435257075563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800969418969474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SarahTonin91,2018/11/21,"Rant: When someone says ""friendly advice or friendly reminder"" about something not fuckin friendly. So the speed limit in my neighborhood is 10 mph. I was violently ill one day and puking in a bag in my car at the stoplight before my neighborhood. In a hurry to get to the bathroom at home, I went a whopping 15 mph. 

Im heaving into the toilet when I get a knock on the door. I wipe my mouth, and gather myself to answer the door. 

A middle aged woman is standing there, my neighbor who has the looks like the type of lady that ""wants to speak to the manager"".

She tells me in an extremely bitchy tone that she is giving me a ""friendly reminder"" that the speed limit is 10mph.

I apologize up and down and try to tell her my reason for going faster, that I was sick and rushing home. She cuts me off mid sentence to say ""yeah well I have seen you before and if I see you doing it again I will report you""

Then walks off.

Not once has anyone ever said anything ACTUALLY friendly to me when they start with that phrase. Like sit your passive aggressive asses down. 

I was having such a shit day that day too. I just broke down crying after I closed the door. ",3.442028141678797,4.9821429868995635,4.417954876273655,86.0477086365842,73.27947598253273,6.486268801552645,24.512615235322656,6.937597516519254,0.944164289180009,900,27,176,8,18,292,136,229,0.129,0.741,0.13,-0.4201,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,4,1,2,12,14,5,0,19,1,13,6,3,1,1,20,24,13,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,1,2,4,6,1,8,9,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,6,1,1,6,7,32,8,28,17,0,40,0,1,3,2,26,18,3,2,17,123,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.13669486946260204,0.0,0.0,0.13688154691845672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794504076256466,0.0,0.1152713714193086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23839028681548516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386792123214324,0.2710140791063964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670759543880458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411154120278754,0.0,0.14636882049104194,0.13437454746055505,0.07960894280549058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810171477353348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130711300249033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368690169905733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176293351450559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917735023691053,0.09491974751749778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402240552016152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332452300456765,0.22278958118587436,0.0,0.0,0.11162317095622244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378694739941025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868672138261598,0.10783805803922866,0.0,0.0,0.09914716631244393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448668078102744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510303509831884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262099782090836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594597537511315,0.12985270999768128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ScarlettLux,2018/11/21,"DAE work in the mental health field themselves? For confidentiality purposes, I won’t say exactly what I do but I’m a health care professional treating primarily axis 1 disorders, especially schizophrenia.

I’m apparently too high functioning to meet full criteria for the diagnosis but I 100% have traits and believe in a spectrum approach. BPD symptoms also impact specifically intimate interpersonal issues in my life, so I find that I often come off as extremely put together in professional settings. It’s weird being in this field though bc I actually have to listen to the stigma of BPD from co workers. I will now try to take it upon myself to educate about BPD as even clinicians can see BPD as “manipulative”, etc. It’s quite upsetting as I do not feel comfortable sharing my own issues either but wish I could so they can see that anyone can have mental health concerns... even those that work in the same field.

It’s a tough situation because I do find myself having a lot of empathy.. but I’ve also been told in the past that because I struggle(d) with issues myself, that I shouldn’t seek to help others - what a load of shit. I truly believe that lived experience is essential in a lot of ways. However, I do think a certain level of stability and personal recovery IS required before engaging in this work. 

Thoughts?
",6.512853670393777,8.118439016528928,7.759285367039379,64.78700291686926,65.85950413223141,10.983373845405927,34.89645114244045,10.966923227221727,4.459975887214392,1070,50,169,32,17,365,145,242,0.08199999999999999,0.8290000000000001,0.08900000000000001,0.3652,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,6,11,10,1,1,12,0,19,6,1,1,2,26,32,15,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,16,4,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,5,20,6,31,24,7,21,0,0,2,0,8,14,1,3,2,122,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0981928418144705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093522072803074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035744598111345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226768302250993,0.0,0.08562215910299169,0.2267337312181749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069210160691092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259113257018004,0.0,0.0,0.0866771946418054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033871225734097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153218638597324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222045361033704,0.1329201494277555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984279092420636,0.0,0.0,0.05087765407378066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393390347825095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208703724807028,0.0,0.0,0.06744500113764941,0.1063129757881448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150705903056754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107250042246795,0.0,0.0,0.08885132710702594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710909483287154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028072069503511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605536313142314,0.0,0.08785950397924479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011531952789718,0.0,0.10702419312598276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001888508800901,0.0,0.0,0.16036587783614842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328733650708534,0.0,0.11310367184331045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458508872263203,0.07565544080233433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447470160763981,0.09886089076369636,0.07988286003577713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614891184712587,0.0,0.06831593108211083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986929161432373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571066965870434,0.0,0.0,0.21976268041380664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,haleyboofaith,2018/11/21,What are daily things you do that help to manage your BPD? I’m looking for some ideas of daily things or practices people do that help manage their borderline personality disorder. I do better following routines so I want to find some simple things to do everyday that can help to manage my bpd. A few things I already do is writing down the positives of each day and doing mindfulness meditation each day. ,6.731199999999998,8.019657053333333,7.251999999999999,69.78600000000003,65.13333333333333,10.266666666666666,32.33333333333333,10.355215969177356,3.6343333333333336,329,13,53,8,5,108,50,75,0.033,0.77,0.19699999999999998,0.9089,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,13,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,8,13,5,5,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,3,3,42,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909664048233856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758026216689995,0.0,0.0,0.477288563020597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443987245999024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217161273420018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318190743532938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810147141919554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390062238158786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911604802844884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132147043549327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136204464335954,0.16544721987316147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035301733000984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176061346617733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Beautyfal94,2018/11/21,Sitting in the hospital I'm sitting in the hospital right now contemplating on whether or not coming in here was in fact the right thing to do. If my suicidal thoughts really were worth driving here and attempting to get help or whether I should have just let them take over... I'm scared to die... but sometimes I just wish I could get over that fear so I wouldn't feel so alone all the time and so that all of this pain that I harbour inside of myself would just be gone... ,5.029192982456141,5.478570673684215,4.993421052631582,87.46311403508776,68.57894736842104,8.85964912280702,29.517543859649123,8.841846274778883,1.9811754385964908,374,13,81,6,6,116,62,95,0.171,0.762,0.067,-0.9144,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,2,4,0,10,1,0,0,3,23,20,11,2,6,10,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,4,1,8,0,12,10,2,16,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,3,2,59,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371141823188436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972126918717042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279103022716936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760496491659985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576226560842645,0.1157596200185312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392248010563781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534545537913702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410803058522794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24360972647644505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666568427138946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910293055300472,0.0,0.0,0.2292102196816116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264288384865211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25042466640495903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213539497934474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209845286709142,0.0,0.0,0.1817538503313292,0.13349753598667174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632712414836792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263335872179824,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rommance,2018/11/21,Please Help Me Yesterday and today have been horrible. I feel like I just ruin everyone's day and I'm just a burden. The suicidal thoughts are nonstop. My question is what do you all do on days like this that make you feel better? I want this feeling of worthlessness to stop. Thanks in advanced.,2.14248120300752,4.910316631578951,3.1120300751879704,87.2542105263158,84.43859649122807,6.76591478696742,25.686716791979947,7.957251820313856,1.9350822055137848,236,10,44,5,7,75,47,57,0.22699999999999998,0.4970000000000001,0.27699999999999997,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,13,14,2,1,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,3,7,4,4,12,1,8,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,7,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276031473178521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319359821982295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24590677714311585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903682226308953,0.18384926429974371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249475366443182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25145419605360925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178160303670986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28249051911946266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882883458758726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515421919071898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814966390749765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369312070247107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430534556236646,0.0,0.0,0.2439355499514312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179035431835092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ronaldo-CR7-,2018/11/21,"BPD control freak - Genuine Compliments? Hey folks, 

​

I've been seeing this girl with BPD for a month now and it's been mostly great. I know she has BPD but I do not really care. I also have issues of mine and feel like we get a long great together. The sex is sensational and whenever we are together it's a blast. 

​

I know people with BPD have a tendency to be very controlling and tend to do whatever it takes to hang on to somebody if not mistaken. My questions is this.. does she genuinely like me or does she compliment me and adore me so I don't leave?

​

She always texts back quickly, always down to see me, gives me daily compliments that feel genuine, very passionate and pretty much everything I could ever need. She also fulfills all my needs in the bedroom. I know that it's all going to come crashing down soon but I am enjoying it while it lasts. Do people with BPD sometimes say things they don't mean with hopes of retaining an indiviual? For example she does everything I say or need so I don't leave her? Sorry if I sound naive or offensive to the condition that is not my intention.",3.62480173035328,5.715488360730599,4.746359048305695,81.56318673395819,74.06849315068494,8.811439557798607,27.50805094929104,9.414487439383343,2.633798173515982,897,35,169,23,19,294,121,219,0.063,0.7170000000000001,0.221,0.9905,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,1,2,9,14,1,0,8,0,18,2,0,3,3,43,37,18,0,7,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,12,13,0,3,7,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,2,7,30,12,19,33,4,16,0,0,2,2,16,4,0,8,11,117,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343703845187913,0.1388400094682466,0.2711873966451365,0.3041278236519049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415211476035157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253825017861511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506190776426231,0.0,0.0,0.07186710343452564,0.0,0.0,0.1871464957104288,0.06661164528287802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190290815072998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546673454114583,0.0,0.0,0.14996206111096766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436889640779566,0.0596020320115328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043588456093908434,0.08003315244972803,0.047414892003887744,0.0,0.0,0.1839625765051555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286429117830835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707869390654363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755196908320522,0.06800615548484115,0.0,0.17667953078121387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151885241263025,0.0,0.0,0.0738324580224187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087915402640376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659260919543533,0.0,0.061330261998613335,0.18558569076716705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567898332647708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487776723634112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346010322582264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344705658540707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269293070917468,0.0,0.0,0.13296497628293485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825138818482154,0.09339246428608927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272858059141198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055426834554550934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767610494057678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041278236519049,0.0
bpd,Bananabreadfun,2018/11/21,"I want to run away Everything I've previously said while in some of my worst places will forever be held over my head. No one will ever forget or move on. Sometimes I want to run away to a place where no one knows me so I can start again. 

I don't know why my mind does this. I can't explain it anyone without them thinking I'm crazy.

No.

I am ill.

But sometimes I can't help but feel crazy ",0.6722647058823519,2.3744502705882367,2.436102941176472,96.52121323529413,81.58823529411767,5.661764705882352,20.036764705882355,6.6274283507984215,-0.04167647058823487,303,8,74,3,8,100,60,85,0.213,0.758,0.028999999999999998,-0.8963,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,1,0,1,16,19,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,2,2,12,0,10,14,2,15,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,4,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558837646144092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643750197692904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969444559920752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540527848191928,0.0,0.0,0.17427636991865855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804816558978743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901053242511213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299756987646867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313886698534967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579670455466328,0.0,0.0,0.20609867603330656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628007372262267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051953211015678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445553008570129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835695425861911,0.0,0.13725251637441588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425152721095672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287496512113939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749761898377117,0.0,0.0,0.18692507179910106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NecessaryTomato,2018/11/21,"I think a close friend might have BPD I don't know how to tell them or suggest starting therapy. Therapy is an option that they have rejected in the recent past. It was suggested by their parent for another reason that could possibly be linked to BPD. 

sorry this is so vague. 

This is stressing me out a lot. I might even be wrong. I don't feel like I can talk to their parent because I don't want my friend to think I'm going behind their back and I'm not even close to the parent anyway.   


any advice from anyone who dealt with a similar situation would be extremely helpful   


ofc my diagnosing is completely based off of the internet so I understand that the chances of me being wrong are high",3.809170537491706,5.557572080291973,5.029316522893165,81.18779694757802,72.72262773722629,8.777438619774388,26.323158593231586,9.339509955726095,2.312217518248175,553,19,106,13,11,183,90,137,0.132,0.787,0.081,-0.6376,3,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,0,7,7,0,1,8,0,20,1,0,2,0,22,30,5,0,3,2,3,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,16,3,15,21,1,11,0,1,0,0,16,6,0,5,5,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586668349085867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759176696202081,0.13506319619439008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006339950632676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904303786206302,0.0,0.07851828769977537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32445059191489684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350495148696766,0.0,0.0,0.10284025289660216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073428912418195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014887839399573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512764101786239,0.0920182652625898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902873347365604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320280806813026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633522717404149,0.136089476779535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078781909113874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292758092338074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095053424436538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732833443881038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290678836897774,0.0,0.12295887697164165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520820138743365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243291692193748,0.12717932582438404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447821341552248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144186569856233,0.091168789966248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754560817472664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352852091567087,0.11258118311021574,0.0,0.2945993179374157,0.0,0.0,0.1650659920344134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340904710865543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597248289879599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149932422607228,0.2816559340890256,0.0,0.0
bpd,AutomaticDiet,2018/11/21,"Been with my SO with BPD for a year and feel like I am finally going to break. I want to start out by saying I love my gf very much.  Everytime she goes into her crying or angry moods though she can be very hurtful but always calms down and says she never meant those things. 

  

She always throws things at me like how much she has changed for me but I feel those are mostly if not all good changes.  She no longer cuts herself to cope, she has taken up excercise and yoga, she rarely tries to threaten her life with suicide. She has a job now even if its minimum wage.  

 

All of her previous relationships her partners would support her and buy her things.  I told her from the beginning I dont mind buying her a few things but I would not be a sugar daddy.  Now she will always throw fits about how we have no money and she should leave.  I always agree that if she wants someone to buy her things and spoil her to find someone to do so.  She will call me dumb and of course she doesnt want to leave she is just testing me.  

 

After a year of being tested I feel like I am going to break soon.  She means very much to me but I also have feelings and anytime I get angry or upset she will cry. According to her she has BPD, she gets to be mad.  So I hold things in and put a smile on.  

 

She wont get help and meds make her sick.  We have tried some self help things I could find online but she complains about doing them even though we do them together.  I rarely get sleep, I work a normal job and she likes to stay up till 2-3am.  I never have the right answers and I am breaking. 

 

/rant",2.6076360999553785,4.125809105421688,3.5290495314591723,91.66209058456049,75.41566265060241,6.605265506470326,21.332440874609553,7.242747475848597,0.4504588130298979,1261,30,276,14,27,403,167,332,0.16699999999999998,0.743,0.09,-0.9839,3,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,3,0,2,1,16,15,3,1,9,0,32,5,1,3,4,61,54,31,1,11,13,0,4,4,2,7,2,2,0,2,11,20,1,1,9,1,5,5,9,6,0,0,4,7,65,8,35,38,8,31,0,1,0,1,52,10,1,7,16,202,76,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256970821347882,0.26041282035550123,0.4238732233099404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970848886852768,0.0,0.07989333082829897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553828872400228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246948009824836,0.0,0.17188925216029366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916984683769794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033555604269054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824503576442064,0.11179150242417613,0.0,0.08570975107011472,0.14302264748683233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635118411447913,0.0,0.08893290774665234,0.06562526742468795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488727135179443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375915593518136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528525394279286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569292628990034,0.0,0.0,0.055264293214612924,0.1528994009019567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061601858201552,0.0,0.0522268162601888,0.0,0.0,0.0852279429473475,0.08690868062198452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900162213242781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725495398772651,0.0,0.1206893536984453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666006869924563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865432917461979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400210192669916,0.0,0.06681782303344762,0.0,0.12444158013082017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162295998816115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829801625202855,0.0,0.13258755701934574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055379744311831486,0.08339504054118284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558351410708237,0.08878753967002846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638612837721184,0.0,0.15374377493817795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476311688769235,0.0,0.10624170035130903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936723224835376,0.1384466113643034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696075198248553,0.0,0.0,0.11116104935079657,0.0,0.0,0.10076993588746422
bpd,thedankestofall420,2018/11/21,"Is this the right way to handle this...? My boyfriend hid from me that he was not going to be seeing me today...and that he was going on a two day vacation for the holidays. That inherently isn't a problem, it's that he intentionally lied to me and then AS HE IS LEAVING cancels our thanksgiving plans via phone and says basically ""sorry I lied to you""....

I realized there was probably some anxiety there regarding maybe disappointing me or something, but lies don't help that. It make me feel abandoned immediately. 

So....im going to ignore him for the next 3 days. The whole trip, no texts, calls, anything. I know that it's petty, but I feel like if I just pretend it didn't upset me then he won't learn anything from this. I already told him how I felt (calmly) and he basically just said ""sorry about that""....
 
Would this even help or is it some sad way for me to get petty revenge for being hurt?",4.018662587412589,5.332726443181824,5.378636363636364,80.61391608391611,71.5,8.369930069930069,27.174825174825173,8.841846274778883,2.0039716783216783,698,24,139,13,13,234,104,176,0.264,0.687,0.048,-0.9892,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,1,1,0,1,7,9,0,1,6,0,13,0,0,3,0,26,25,12,0,3,8,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,16,3,0,2,6,2,0,4,6,7,0,1,7,6,19,2,15,14,3,13,0,4,1,0,17,2,0,5,6,91,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610014133755256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207801581674407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26264095355834594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294869189476816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583137943048715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540087136816073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613765586521245,0.11400375285466208,0.15322151497929035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337379461969842,0.0,0.2720784231951574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139257868709689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708333443148086,0.0,0.17237343474720687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770081689496505,0.0,0.0,0.16897183604211458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796256931011111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652067329269176,0.0,0.16031923411964227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971479646513302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205388179307773,0.15269619880828667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628017189514666,0.151796815832954,0.1269041638983251,0.0,0.0,0.12716434140662006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285223141085605,0.0,0.3572727659653953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126287426306448,0.1524852196362546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558861562126193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533338389386313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178165010014629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336082369810326,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunshinefunshinebear,2018/11/21,Alexis Ren and Jay Alvarrez - BPD + NPD I used to follow them really closely and this just randomly popped up in my head. Thoughts? ,2.141866666666669,4.8737085200000045,3.708000000000002,83.32066666666668,83.8,8.133333333333335,24.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.4303333333333343,103,4,19,3,3,34,24,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,7,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5986520138041108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878179866227542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045037467747619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773529485889791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105260024492236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alice-Morgan-,2018/11/21,"Help! I just heard my boyfriend having a sex dream (about someone else!) How should I respond because my heart’s shaking in my skin... I just heard my boyfriend moan and say things like “fuck that” while lying in bed next to him, just moments after I contemplated impulsively waking him up to tell him that I love him! My heart shattered!

There’s a part of me that’s scared he knew I was awake and said this on purpose just to fuck with me. He’s the passive aggressive type and we’ve been fighting recently but just patched things up. 
(The other day I made a move in bed to which he promptly responded “have a good sleep” - it caused a fight and now this...) I’m not sure how I should respond/behave when he wakes up in the morning. ",3.6760815047021933,5.068540758620691,3.7922884012539204,91.35200626959251,72.44827586206897,6.65203761755486,26.97492163009405,6.980632752743323,1.033896551724138,570,20,122,5,11,175,90,145,0.162,0.748,0.09,-0.8157,0,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,5,2,8,0,6,10,6,4,1,20,15,9,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,10,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,7,0,0,7,5,19,4,16,6,1,18,0,0,0,4,19,8,2,0,9,77,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783494735360485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857413576240665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466363170455748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147880094453174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574086900758699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162132329489614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581269883781458,0.12956608258847446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443746676632496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446236855526973,0.1829067814881584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544915960522406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557859486617736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932694874451335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086214946872976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838742216593338,0.1537213032703636,0.1935287648339581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934413415370156,0.0,0.16378393814206818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218460357251715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895424204260598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568421753394066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alkitcat,2018/11/21,"Anyone have any advice regarding hallucinations? Therapists (atleast the ones I’ve been to) haven’t really talked about any coping mechanisms when going through this and I just wondered if anyone out there has any coping mechanisms. A lot of the ones I experience are easy to tell that they’re hallucinations but things like bugs/lights and whispers are difficult. And even the ones I can tell aren’t real still scare me quite a lot. 

Thank you in advance for any help 💖",5.634019933554818,7.908406720930233,5.52933554817276,77.3022093023256,69.0,9.100332225913624,27.40199335548173,9.606745405546679,2.6171946843853835,382,13,67,9,7,119,62,86,0.085,0.7759999999999999,0.14,0.595,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,1,1,5,2,8,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,3,44,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347810702204636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828999542008646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24826312452194865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725543454816813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365624880099415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089313724771112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899313912214753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673111355045407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018555663668645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608922858277357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882266272164966,0.0,0.20206549693025566,0.11372885158349635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773629315603814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417739267175387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426901172981752,0.3103342360439812,0.16344374238022485,0.0,0.20612345339718288,0.11794157889171104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252132126775268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thesearemyroots,2018/11/21,"Been seeing a new guy for FIVE DAYS and already moving too fast/getting attached. Please please help! So I JUST started seeing this guy that I'm really into. He's funny, smart, way out of my league, all that jazz. And he's looking for a serious relationship, which is big for me. We've been texting (through Bumble and then just actual texting) for about 2 weeks and finally met up this weekend. 

So here's the timeline: Saturday night we went out for drinks, watched a movie, hooked up... and then I stayed over and we hung out the entire next morning until like 2PM. He came over again at 9PM that night and stayed the night until 6AM the next day. Didn't see him Monday, but we texted all day. Yesterday we texted all day, then went out for drinks, and I came home because he had an early flight out this morning.

Here's the problem: we make all of these future plans (talk about Valentine's Day, about watching the CFB national championship together, etc) and it makes me feel like he's already my boyfriend after seeing him for like 5 days. And last night I, while tipsy, very stupidly said that to him. He was like ""I really like you but I'm not really there yet"" and I apologized profusely and tried to backtrack by explaining that I just meant I would like to keep doing what we're doing and moving towards being in a relationship and he kept telling me I didn't have to apologize but I just got so anxious and ugh. I need to calm down but idk how to. To compound all of this, I just lost my FP, so my anxiety has already been pretty bad.

I feel like I don't even know how to date at a normal pace. I don't want to mess things up with a great guy who actually likes me who I have crazy chemistry with because of how intense I can be. How can I take things slow and not scare him off?",4.443094243268341,5.183754167130925,4.903360027855153,86.55034180594248,70.00278551532034,8.100324976787372,27.214600742804087,8.212053250817874,1.5618272051996285,1402,44,294,19,24,446,185,359,0.09,0.75,0.161,0.9783,0,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,5,1,0,2,23,19,1,1,13,0,20,2,0,6,5,65,48,34,0,5,11,0,2,8,0,1,0,1,1,3,17,31,2,2,5,4,0,6,6,8,0,1,17,10,36,11,47,28,6,62,0,1,7,0,32,19,0,0,42,186,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.15928764632731954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019036210959724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062434746973356485,0.09220097398807743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814456515229593,0.09950268871112627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866901260857948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31580698640803345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990196526256878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102156325788548,0.053905502072714814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253332542692317,0.1166106020952812,0.0,0.08940452056722065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264012432102039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527444358337536,0.08998009835098626,0.0,0.24243308498066776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470437197478261,0.0,0.0818658377895898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254257564839209,0.0,0.0,0.04485310705257045,0.06652658029962939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189811535322758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853549079041908,0.0,0.08909169346278284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895641184804697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348625542145424,0.0,0.060515999232041026,0.0,0.07882363847344769,0.17359555369644086,0.3063581188157135,0.0799647251699465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917607473817346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303112501279912,0.0,0.0780939014498719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685270883312122,0.0,0.0,0.17524651642615688,0.0,0.0,0.07763392716112419,0.0,0.0817101924191295,0.0,0.260144250433234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776705016077153,0.17398005534210684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061363826907206175,0.0655985152706329,0.07133453075657273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844188245781762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541077978621637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734037812732327,0.04813825248835559,0.06478166452863117,0.06546610092123183,0.0,0.0,0.15131462231224052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797648574913671,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LordOfDogtown9,2018/11/21,"How do I have self-confidence without being a narcissist? I’ve found that a lot of my issues stem from a lack of self esteem. To combat this, for the last year or so I’ve been giving into my inner narcissist. So far the results have been pretty positive in terms of helping me be more confident in myself.

However, doing so has also stoked my sense of entitlement, elitism, and overall jadedness towards society (like goddamn people are so fucking stupid) 

The reality though is that I’m really no better than anyone else, if not worse than the people I convince my myself are “inferior” to me.

Is it worth continuing down this narcissistic path if it turns me into the kind of pompous ass that I hate? But if I don’t am I doomed to forever be bogged down by my own self doubt? 

... Fuck this shit is hard. 

",4.850486803519062,6.112006341935487,6.2731964809384175,75.18434017595307,69.45161290322581,9.507331378299119,29.574780058651037,9.800150414767053,2.9357096774193554,633,24,115,15,11,215,103,155,0.2,0.665,0.135,-0.9152,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,5,1,8,0,17,4,2,2,0,16,24,13,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,3,1,15,4,21,18,5,13,1,2,0,3,4,9,4,6,5,88,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372021709476311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996372561917534,0.17579079836156836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517371832038968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433223211324613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811450128509175,0.0,0.3172220920328849,0.0,0.16458282334923582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369044822194827,0.16938702007683398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149978299814046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790715079692147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786607632254724,0.0,0.13985010876402526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381903296067117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586023764094644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23788608964266125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454544952619516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991029596213983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5369457983408753,0.0,0.17611119226808702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856383299113678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661576943636116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538458981422413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748415616775558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104836059235075
bpd,shmarbleblarble,2018/11/21,"Are there any guys with FPs that they are in a long-term romantic relationship with? I found that a lot of the people with SOs tend to be girls and I wanted to know if it's realistic for me or if I should just kill myself because it's too unrealistic. I've been without an SO for so long and having Asperger's and anxiety too makes me think it's almost impossible to be loved soon, and I need it to be soon or else living won't be worth it.",3.7401403508771938,3.8693482947368456,5.738684210526317,82.11995614035091,71.31578947368422,9.280701754385962,25.307017543859647,9.2995712137729,1.6731754385964912,348,9,80,7,6,122,62,95,0.08800000000000001,0.84,0.07200000000000001,-0.1195,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,8,2,1,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,0,22,18,10,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,12,10,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,6,3,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581301037565054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166934987570379,0.0,0.18779171899668806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496424816603225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506724916132213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691564230964063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306404140426266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715875252021467,0.0,0.13490952528948566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167635577592245,0.4344845920774199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869852971053368,0.2215555094076231,0.0,0.16385997275993974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202049457230768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018509619195446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635539195977949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729383185353973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479061135848956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366342005829761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnhedoniaILoveYou,2018/11/21,"Ranting, in denial. I've been trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with my brain for the past few years. 

For the longest time I had it down as being simply depression and anxiety  However two years ago I was sat in a GP office and they mentioned personality disorders. I remember feeling very uneasy & I internally dismissed the idea that I could potentially be more neurotic than I thought I was. 

I've been trapped in what feels like purgatory these past few years not getting anywhere since then. It's only after yet another turbulent relationship and ugly break up that I've realised how harmful I can really be towards those I love. 

I've also spent an awful lot of time retrospecting on my childhood and how it could have contributed to making me the way I am. 

This is a rambling mess I know but I'm just desperate to end this. My life is wasting away while those around me chase their own dreams. 

I'll mention however that I'm a guy and I'm not sure they'll really take me seriously if I bring up maybe being borderline. I've moved to a new area with a new GP and so far I've only mentioned depression and they slapped another SSRI prescription which I don't care for.  Ugh kill me.",5.693076923076927,6.42504112820513,6.782034188034189,74.22407692307694,67.2051282051282,10.513504273504275,33.121367521367524,10.504223727775694,3.585713162393162,960,41,178,25,15,323,146,234,0.185,0.764,0.051,-0.9833,2,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,4,0,7,12,1,0,10,1,19,3,1,3,2,31,34,16,1,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,14,11,0,0,7,1,1,2,3,8,0,1,8,2,24,4,24,19,5,33,0,2,0,1,11,13,0,2,17,115,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854359643353983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694385094417366,0.0,0.14489642386767446,0.0,0.0,0.28045517815165044,0.10230310143202836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904807273260212,0.0,0.0,0.12564375857470342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928693265548135,0.0,0.0,0.13634667091699396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354508304221004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303629454189741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326619199238375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844510705627592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523583536386052,0.0955367550323726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698684174270649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241374760884728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096491810406193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479524565133715,0.0,0.07349452320674724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445746999353108,0.06533373419180265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136924831816916,0.12069656677540995,0.0,0.0892658286716315,0.0,0.1343497824724417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421338505064952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583145787531374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341541694014173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25532087732306274,0.0,0.11676789773028028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713417539594411,0.0,0.0,0.1435759974586386,0.15149004675976754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062285681533096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603896389023153,0.0,0.10054833426368022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616670034084677,0.15595810348448358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079390723431856,0.0,0.13063480057546326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034127417815234,0.0,0.1061486675045926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462127866771306,0.0,0.2583532505801595
bpd,heyhola836,2018/11/21,Should I call my DBT Therapist I havebt been formally diagnosed with bpd but pretty sure that's my diagnosis (quiet bpd). I just impulsively spent $150 on a porn site and stayed up all night abusing my prescription stimulants doing that. Im sitting here and i feel frozen and completely numb but like my anxiety is gonna jump out of mt chest any moment. Super out of it and complete numb. Idk what to do im gonna lose my shit soon. Idk of i sjould since idk if he will talk to me since i used drugs last night idk what to do fuck,2.621929292929291,4.175305536363638,3.9803030303030313,88.29489898989902,75.45454545454545,8.161616161616159,23.131313131313128,8.841846274778883,1.402010101010101,419,12,93,9,9,138,77,110,0.25,0.626,0.124,-0.9258,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,2,0,1,0,7,8,2,2,2,17,13,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,2,2,12,3,11,7,1,13,0,1,0,2,3,5,2,1,6,47,17,0,0.0,0.19308062218560354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081819850530596,0.0,0.12466374063528116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104841282124027,0.0,0.1664000952777732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34172033436343896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540068668663166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898154024043706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239733140249544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506536363002604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520489257295249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328339226771331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961388833781127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231024447852545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30585331819998224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578862148137458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672758119608592,0.2696039306202848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369338025936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535876086297442,0.0,0.0,0.13098085105153867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920879636834145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074487710571126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnicornRat,2018/11/21,"Need to get this out of my chest - a little storytelling Here I'm standing now, waiting, until someone wants to substitute again. I feel like I'm back in my teenage-years. Why? Because in this short break I do nothing else but watch him playing. 

He, that's a law-student, EVZ-fan, plays Ice-Hockey himself. He's tall, very tall, about two head taller than me. He smiles with just one labial angle, but with this all the more, even when he's just talking. Something, I always had a strong weakness for. And this smile is stronger with him than I have ever seen before.  
At this place I first met him a few weeks ago. ""Yea we've got a cute guy at the training"" rushed the first thought back then into my mind. From this time, he constantly crossed my path, even when I generally wasn't even able to say a short ""hey"". Here at the training I tried to talk to him more and more, mostly however, nervous enough that no meaningful word came out of my mouth, so he just look back at me confused.

Last week I already tried to get up the nerve to ask him out. After training the time should have come.  I took my stuff outside and waited for him. Yet, he is already gone.

​

Now, one week later. Yesterday I sat with him in the lecture, unable to stay focused on the teaching. Constantly different thoughts came to my mind. Thoughts about how I can ask him out, what would be, if I wont be able to say anything and about every kind of how he could say ""no"". Today will be the day. I'm going to ask him. It has to be today. Whether I can attend training after today is still unclear and I rather ask him here, than at the University, with hundreds of other students around us or at the train-station where he normally crosses my path. As soon as I'll get any opportunity, I'll ask him. Only a few minutes until the end of the training. The more I think throw the scenario of asking, the less I think he's going to say no.

He himself pulls me out of my thought, he wants to substitute. I wish I could stay here with him. But it's no use, I have to go back to the field, get my head back in the game, even if it's hard. A short time later, he already stands beside me again, my concentration is already gone again, my thoughts at him. Then, suddenly the moment came. The trainer stops the game. We're done for today. Now it has to be. While clearing up my chance comes. It's just we two for a few seconds. I would just need to skate to him and ask. Just go and ask. Now. Go. But I can't, I just act like nothing and skate back to the others with him. a few seconds later he's already a few meters back, talking with his friend. I didn't make it. Why I couldn't just go to him and ask? I'm a grown adult. This can't be that hard. I try to force another chance. But I don't get any other today. Next week I wont attend training. So I need to go in two weeks again, hoping he still will be there. And hoping, that I will be able to ask him then. ",1.340716755207012,3.351258339966833,2.5246220873035945,95.1658335441437,80.85737976782752,5.149495460550357,21.66312505270259,6.1040448648928844,0.09284565309047996,2261,69,505,16,59,722,241,603,0.043,0.855,0.102,0.9895,2,0,1,0,0,0,105.0,2,0,0,4,49,14,0,2,34,1,38,5,4,4,3,90,97,33,0,18,18,0,3,2,1,8,1,4,0,2,22,31,0,3,9,4,0,24,12,3,0,9,19,10,68,11,78,59,13,120,0,0,3,0,61,32,0,8,61,334,90,3,0.1546773223850261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045704037866244766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844837859119232,0.0,0.04290130772209697,0.055864271393557687,0.06264995899147277,0.07012392222214035,0.0540642196949613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242875232029287,0.045898536806454435,0.4820080550876786,0.0,0.0,0.27752039758980235,0.0,0.03142995335430358,0.0,0.043873002942183915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690965029961456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088827211445718,0.0,0.11143415691515232,0.0,0.08233150381078003,0.0,0.0,0.03325135893424283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386829350082015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276286787305589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307101836406296,0.0,0.045666065657173016,0.05327434062609589,0.0,0.1362172168516522,0.04663816451369463,0.04344077176253213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026069833910464902,0.03683383667261767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771230093583762,0.0,0.0,0.039834438526994434,0.0,0.1346875281252093,0.0,0.20511560265397485,0.0,0.04123652825120501,0.0,0.0,0.05105162249838637,0.0,0.0,0.09237366608974512,0.0,0.10582903811708347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241965464074952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053690876292115455,0.0,0.04202755408366927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050378351109321984,0.051675770740134935,0.0,0.0,0.043296664774774264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03441610459369912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412000137385752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469127463926145,0.0,0.0,0.054833695710812924,0.0,0.05051697827739385,0.0989447083325909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987557115244053,0.03921302456696772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386829350082015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640074867382703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368586443664978,0.03969271987408133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991029679321876,0.08235033964101635,0.04310572250196692,0.0,0.0,0.059022842635233476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432377266024693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607398839185717,0.0,0.2046608605818992,0.09019359056478536,0.0,0.2443600261273581,0.0,0.05728406549551422,0.10501574861333146,0.0,0.15109726847618352,0.0,0.062019257970933786,0.04453051461061715,0.0,0.04254166336243475,0.060821794862615575,0.0,0.2067880300416816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304814995601003,0.0,0.059290429061383335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325222127542598,0.0,0.06264995899147277,0.03320237477357945
bpd,PepeFromHR,2018/11/21,"got the time wrong for a doctor's appointment, chaos ensues threw my favourite mug at the wall, picked at all of the holes already there from angry moments, scratched marks into the wall with scissors, told my parents to kill themselves, threatened to kill them myself, broke a lamp, used broken bulb from said lamp to cut myself

and then the appointment was simply rearranged to a few hours later

i fucking hate this fucking disorder and i want it all to stop",13.372500000000002,9.111849345238099,10.641904761904762,68.63642857142861,55.54761904761904,13.104761904761903,44.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,4.437195238095239,371,14,63,4,3,109,62,84,0.374,0.612,0.015,-0.99,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,8,0,1,3,0,2,2,11,10,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,5,2,7,0,13,5,3,12,0,1,0,2,4,5,2,0,6,38,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416331571081142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509526885609123,0.22411980252086144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404858951325492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751261935293831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161824571453489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563627034256672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845043288224593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431345534106613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082857149919504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306441936907594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768016502372884,0.0,0.0,0.20923029790422595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189115326880945,0.0,0.0,0.1291511418350743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394036900220788,0.0,0.0
bpd,High_priestess6,2018/11/21,"Even having a dog is hard for me I got a dog, my first one ever, a few months ago. I love her so much and she forces me to get out of bed at regular intervals and I have something else to look forward to taking care of me. Dogs are supposed to love their owners unconditionally right? 

I even get paranoid and sad that she'd be better off without me and I'm not a good dog mama and that she would be happier somewhere else :(",2.391187800963081,3.67380128089888,4.218009630818621,87.46707865168541,75.51685393258427,6.8834670947030485,23.950240770465488,7.447530270364453,0.8956600321027288,330,10,73,4,7,112,61,89,0.11800000000000001,0.7020000000000001,0.18,0.8440000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,1,10,17,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,2,14,5,11,12,2,9,0,1,1,2,8,5,0,0,5,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415762634146144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371498086858246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233165416037093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659443270263972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28933561152908643,0.1981259368242672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630752276734705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288691501186007,0.0,0.0,0.1837126788694676,0.17517897362258636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962086128684244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393074340113744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953677738436998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482832883440155,0.0,0.16101287127413755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842096746370534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870511427597287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862064346135186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468393486078275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211137916068802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559322623417893,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stupidshit13,2018/11/21,"I’ve been toxic in my relationship and I hate myself for it I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and recently he’s told me that I’ve been controlling. I guess I never realized how toxic I was being. 

I could tell things were off between me and him for a while. Eventually he confessed that it hurts his feelings I’ve been so jealous and overbearing. It’s completely true. I’ve freaked out over the littlest things thinking he likes other girls. I’ve made him unfollow almost every girl on instagram because I am insecure. 
People he really liked as friends. 

Obviously I don’t want to be this way anymore. I honestly feel sick knowing I’ve destroyed his friendships. I told him I won’t be this way anymore. I can’t be jealous and overreact. He shouldn’t have to hesitate to tell me when his feelings are hurt. 

I wasn’t always like this. I know it doesn’t matter, but it’s like my view of toxic and healthy is blurred. Like I didn’t know how bad I was acting even though it’s so obvious now that what I’ve been doing is wrong. 

I almost want to beat myself up about it. I do feel awful about it, but at the same time I have no right to a pity party. I still feel like a bad person. All I can do is realize I made a mistake and actively try to be better through therapy and being self aware, but it feels like it’s not enough. I’ve really hurt someone I love, and it’s not okay. 

I guess this was just a long rant, but I hope you guys understand and don’t think I’m evil even though I’ve done bad things. My insecurity has gotten the better of me. I will be better. I just hate myself for not realizing earlier. 


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bpd,finanka,2018/11/21,"Feeling incapable and like I don't have any friends Hi. First post, trying something new.

I ,almost constantly, feel like I won't be capable to do anything. That all I will do will be trash, if I even try. Others say that I have managed many things before and they might be right, but iI think most things were lucky and it doesn't change that I won't be able to do anything in the future. 

Even stronger feeling is the one that I'm alone. I have a girl friend and I trust her 100 % but other than that noone. She tells me that I have many friends and I understand who she refers to but I still don't see it or feel it. When I meet other than her it feels like they have to, that they would rather not have me there but they can't really do anything about that. When I meet others I don't even know what to say most of the time. It helps a lot when others write to me but it feels like they never do. 

Aswell BPD I have autism (formerly aspergers), but I not sure it matters a lot. I really don't want to behave destructive any more but I don't know what else to do that helps. ",0.9058753366679468,2.9383464247787643,1.9740323201231256,98.41107926125432,82.53982300884957,5.523355136590997,17.790688726433242,6.7026698264267655,-0.2933614467102732,836,18,198,9,23,263,106,226,0.094,0.7490000000000001,0.156,0.9455,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,5,1,10,11,1,0,6,0,32,0,0,0,3,42,45,17,0,4,12,0,6,4,3,6,0,2,0,1,26,5,0,0,11,0,0,0,12,1,0,2,1,9,31,10,13,34,6,15,0,0,1,0,23,2,0,9,16,142,57,1,0.11727877339302215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743775066939413,0.12146543980771443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950717513551538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28953131311004665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099795598167645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770850955041948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406539163941505,0.0,0.0,0.12673668999030768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979713662863608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323845712309093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557980299622265,0.25135193743614603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997572647362155,0.0,0.0,0.27182786820261884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572189793497988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289066935038223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291859388006673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994124384202455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378045371783337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441424515911766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045262004774146,0.11326857015327453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947113204962357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232064606323952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502635706603868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015543167730996,0.0,0.18652957565483508,0.0,0.0,0.0934559982602607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902869294804086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365897992683504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053385598565124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025068172166852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155829611631847,0.07514750248093216,0.0,0.0,0.06838619589638366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592491775059816,0.0,0.0,0.12209133916022402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917405913544676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331147572600985,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ds3y,2018/11/21,"O no “is it me or BPD?” How many times do we wonder that.... 😧

I’ve gotten really interested in a job market lately (Cybersecurity) that is probably objectively my best shot of scraping out of struggling paycheck to paycheck? I’ve been increasingly more interested in online privacy, have always been good with computers, have always casually wanted to code. 

But.... I’ve been also playing a game that is basically a hacking simulator about: cyber security. 

And now I’m wondering “is this like that time I watched Scrubs and Gray’s Anatomy and House and wanted to be a doctor all over again?” I’m picking what’s probably the most “glamorous” /exciting part of IT (to me at least) like when I was interested in infectious disease. 

I’m not going to not pursue it but I just wish I didn’t have to debate whether my interest in something is being overly influenced. And if I’ll fizzle out on it or if it’s the idea of something not the reality of it I actually want to do. 

I’m starting with some online free coding resources, I think, because I really don’t want to try school for like a 4th time and fail. ",6.097053701015966,6.569929169811324,7.857735849056606,67.77231494920176,66.26415094339623,10.862699564586356,34.2322206095791,10.727762888450028,3.900372568940493,872,38,154,23,13,307,125,212,0.039,0.772,0.18899999999999997,0.978,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,2,7,17,0,1,8,0,18,2,0,3,1,37,33,16,0,7,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,11,0,1,4,3,1,2,6,2,0,0,6,2,12,16,27,25,8,20,0,1,2,0,2,10,0,8,11,107,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.14465300526311686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854104077656913,0.2466817221776086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903608238660766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556029147975728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669295808745812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172168696303412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424363597482594,0.12432993095031512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710397739481523,0.0,0.1673358342233886,0.0,0.0,0.14709734266962024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721210165354605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172559370325707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502839363404705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052076205512528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196382369968782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899223720065743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001865208235712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282324016759174,0.0,0.0,0.1049193406219305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496422386649808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498105135412616,0.0,0.0,0.2593057348511036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063976717413832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497241902235859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045943266174726,0.0,0.32150246386834425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bohemiaren,2018/11/21,"How do I feel myself again? [SH*] I’ve been on Sertraline (Zoloft) for a month now. For the past two weeks I’ve just felt nothing, completely indifferent and not even able to cry. I’m really behind on everything I need to do, I’ve just been wallowing and can’t break out of it. Every day for the past week has been right I’ll do this this and this tomorrow and then I never do it, I’m also nocturnal and have been for over a week. 

I’m going through assessments for therapy right now and as expected it’s been bringing up a lot of stuff, some I’ve never spoken about to a professional before. I’ve never experienced intrusive thoughts like I have for the past few days, just constant. I hurt myself for years but haven’t for the last two or so, but the thoughts and visualisations are just triggering me.

I’m worried that if I alone can’t break out of this mood then I’ll relapse when the thoughts get too much. Plus it’s just really unpleasant having flashbacks of traumatic events and such, I’ve never experienced anything like that before.

I just want to feel myself again. ",3.4372300469483577,5.356291150234746,4.6475352112676065,82.8185328638498,74.11737089201878,8.489201877934272,25.448356807511736,9.150863307647796,2.061092018779343,857,29,171,20,18,282,109,213,0.095,0.866,0.039,-0.9237,1,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,0,18,4,0,0,10,0,17,1,0,2,4,39,32,20,0,4,11,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,11,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,9,5,11,2,27,23,4,37,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,4,27,118,22,1,0.12497691310158313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943839090832016,0.0,0.09994399225442097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284535075948212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269229612969914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310359156017344,0.13505564420102775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728127057835485,0.1611995397369271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254607241825622,0.0,0.10529843949814703,0.0,0.11232119093782604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263841648004745,0.0,0.1199974355746746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529527886371346,0.0,0.07102725980972233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337903703092428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018728646241803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211481382742675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625090230226017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997553796883828,0.0,0.0918724111575889,0.09266879748810804,0.3855595998649724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991871876695485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579138149638285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012682149926113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134592018530005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306866503682295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292199197763827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976531268379886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441685684890372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371462138747838,0.0,0.3007468235967057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692012177838538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048103450836966
bpd,throwawaysweetener,2018/11/21,"Anyone else feel the constant need to talk to someone? idk why that it is, but i just feel like it’s nice to always talk to someone. but people usually suck at replying or don’t wanna talk lol",0.468,2.8442198000000047,2.575000000000003,90.85000000000002,88.5,5.2,20.5,6.742157984588678,0.5171000000000001,152,5,31,2,5,51,31,40,0.106,0.6709999999999999,0.223,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827147888309804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661379918677693,0.24415024313329495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575004849826348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905580881967624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409672244560644,0.17023022508604846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641358630418225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766846579209001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519620812241007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037947283215224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5745712560873043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624362969624593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501435828740534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eam3,2018/11/21,"BPD/Impulsively/Tattoos & Piercings I got through a LOT of ‘phases’ usually stemming from the group of people I’m around and taking on their wardrobe... etc... 
I also used to have a lot of piercings (face, ears, etc..) but then literally three months later decided I wanted to change everything and took them all out. Now I have a couple of tattoos - four (two very large pieces, two small ones). I don’t know if anyone has this issue with making rash decisions but what I’m trying to do is only let myself get a new tattoo every year and some change - because I can totally see myself getting covered in tattoos in less than a year and then a year later getting them removed... and then a year later getting them redone (yes that’s somewhat dramatized, but this is like most things in my life) 
I wanted to know peoples thoughts, if they’ve had similar experiences with dealing with impulsivity/BPD and genuinely wanting something (if this makes any sense) ",6.1349242424242405,7.438514159090907,6.355,75.62333333333336,66.5,8.593939393939394,32.84848484848485,8.841846274778883,2.8951643939393943,756,32,127,12,12,242,115,176,0.022000000000000002,0.9570000000000001,0.02,-0.0772,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,8,1,10,4,3,3,2,35,29,16,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,4,2,14,1,20,24,11,23,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,8,15,91,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030690220131594,0.0,0.1359041337103362,0.0,0.0852971914269878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770407647544502,0.0,0.0,0.11165993447419274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764614032657999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159512041715521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26537814242251345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387867069654129,0.0,0.0,0.12931356562206553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797768198746765,0.0,0.0,0.10568079215611484,0.0,0.112729044141595,0.12269531332620286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26212949887042125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031840583260708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091708471410535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786688783967285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282614103300786,0.0885954276115493,0.06127911449013471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327342695904666,0.0,0.0,0.1674519603966549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011760475793018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114177187097408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849951026666618,0.0953957153829531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739157373679435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995204500152644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965626969533188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430829208457328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333059752366777,0.0,0.0,0.0995779816614684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935814613473702,0.08515922601461462,0.0,0.2450551770807593,0.0,0.0,0.1083318704578916,0.13814421837248894,0.1034934809251836,0.22194686698620705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32309308745407544
bpd,vanderpyyy,2018/11/21,"Which of the 4Fs describes you? As a result of trauma suffered during childhood, many of us develop Complex-PTSD and use primitive defense mechanisms to minimize our feelings of abandonment. Which of the 4Fs do you think describes you? They're Fight, Flight, Fawn and Freeze.

http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm",10.24125,15.044910625000005,7.196666666666669,57.715,67.75,8.200000000000001,35.08333333333333,8.841846274778883,4.214058333333334,282,13,32,6,6,80,37,48,0.22899999999999998,0.721,0.05,-0.8924,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,7,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206035736727532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423340742727412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100048425818327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27955985481373874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248084814007314,0.3768183063354893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bipolarbabeaz,2018/11/21,"BPD & other mental illness diagnoses...stable employment? Hi there. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I was also diagnosed with bipolar I disorder and generalized anxiety disorder about 15 years ago. I’ve tried every med combo under the sun and what I’m on is all right but the best one so far. I am starting DBT in two weeks. 

My mental health issues have followed me to every job. Never been fired, thankfully, but have had massive anxiety and mood swings surrounding work, been on short term disability, and have been inpatient over 10 times dating back to 2003. At this point I feel functionally dysfunctional. 

How the fuck do people have a real career and life with this shit? I work at a call center and it seems ok, but the thought of advancing to a more senior role seems impossible. I’ve only gotten one promotion, ever, and I’m almost 31. 

I applied for SSDI due to a massive episode and lengthy hospitalization I went thru in 2014 and was denied. I don’t want to sound lazy but I really don’t feel like I can handle full time work along with my life with my husband and daughter. I always think about suicide, self harm, am depressed or anxious, etc. just maintaining the status quo is exhausting, much less trying to go beyond what I currently have to something “better” 

Been lurking here and it’s comforting to see other people have similar experiences. ",4.707272727272726,7.095533825396824,5.687590187590189,74.68720779220781,71.85714285714286,8.867532467532467,28.51803751803752,9.457814108942452,2.9908349206349203,1092,43,180,27,22,359,164,252,0.188,0.723,0.08900000000000001,-0.9799,4,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,7,11,12,2,0,9,1,22,10,1,1,3,37,39,19,1,1,6,2,3,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,8,17,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,5,0,3,11,5,17,6,28,28,8,35,0,1,1,1,6,16,2,4,16,119,25,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009086462636092,0.0,0.11306640142599825,0.0,0.0,0.09029675857249822,0.09395294560347073,0.12234155857009163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727567947043136,0.12755993662946485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086823390051776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849558592699272,0.09986267493874347,0.0,0.0,0.2844208023343229,0.0,0.11529714635622305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725209576287444,0.2292093300607101,0.0,0.0,0.2588169439098811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592822330263112,0.0,0.10213658198917698,0.19026872060945527,0.0,0.0,0.11045091456575576,0.0,0.0,0.11418475647164746,0.08066531388009679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043865649512552,0.0,0.0,0.06417125418382418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002160217379587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785219294001667,0.11204906883456474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950806499061354,0.05516375528721672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542126815108207,0.0,0.2275801818882884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300429813381943,0.0,0.08708573001489346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530260051284003,0.08587568444190538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655978805479628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673960473508523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852010274451392,0.07233517801196658,0.0,0.11148830297340802,0.0,0.0,0.09642737687390082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899773144047101,0.2055841311318616,0.11779324089026122,0.0,0.11590392265889167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692620689654544,0.0,0.0,0.0799206444254265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350886925581757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395543466237912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235031012804148,0.0,0.08964058077654706,0.1316813551544389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533214943918702,0.0,0.11029992790222876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659921442545554,0.0,0.09057227189346542,0.0,0.0,0.10467179899724663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466067726729044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271249005310465
bpd,eastcoastsmxker,2018/11/21,"creating an ideal future in head and living life through it? i’m not quite sure how to explain it, but in my head i’ve made my ideal future and i live my life through it. i’m not happy or mentally awake unless i’m imagining how i want my life to be 6+ years from now. i’ve never really told anyone this, is it disassociation??? is it another disorder??? am i just crazy??? i hope i’m not the only person who has this. 

my imaginary future is usually focused on a few things- my FP, my dream future job, and genuinely being happy without anger or split thinking ",3.7086842105263145,4.6107468421052635,6.114868421052632,76.60282894736844,71.80701754385964,9.208771929824564,28.285087719298247,9.516144504307137,2.5871614035087718,436,16,85,10,8,156,71,114,0.125,0.6859999999999999,0.18899999999999997,0.8086,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,1,0,3,0,7,5,2,3,2,24,17,9,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,11,6,10,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,8,55,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486247151578136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232707583929093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205130273047575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375342250997361,0.0,0.0,0.3618625711208628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510241149791622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749472811613415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735707389226356,0.0,0.0,0.3113464488076977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681620921561682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766561775869796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597089072244434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340815918172643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393548666410728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875132513560905,0.0,0.0,0.112940186448131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615756232846302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171237001389871,0.11296381290565585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845906096747454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416591851508894,0.0,0.10398436695995504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994373680606084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135293008105538
bpd,dancing_goldfish,2018/11/21,"A lot of people support mental health issues as long as they don’t actually impact upon them I’ve found pretty much everyone these days says publicly how much they support people with mental health issues and the need to raise awareness etc. But most of those same people are pretty intolerant when it comes to the actual behaviour that mental health disorders cause.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not easy and sometimes people withdraw for good reason but I just think there is a massive gulf between what people say and what they do. People want to support mental health, but at the same time they expect us to act totally the same as everyone else. Like, I totally support you unless you become in any way needy or emotional or act in any way outside the norm.

It’s like everyone wants to be seen as supportive but not have to actually do anything supportive.

Just venting ",7.160853658536585,7.850546060975613,7.21087804878049,72.57436585365856,64.0,9.974634146341463,32.25365853658536,9.888512548439397,3.2422629268292686,710,26,117,14,10,228,98,164,0.039,0.779,0.183,0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,5,0,5,10,0,0,7,0,8,4,0,3,2,33,23,16,0,4,11,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,3,12,9,20,20,10,13,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,4,6,81,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.2364654835102652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985546980667582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646847996738586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920633637081808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297510139587487,0.0,0.06957793243562553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520912627485394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257171837576834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747464784481473,0.09085763684431022,0.0,0.0,0.09008213950004053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315433437793216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856233717414773,0.0,0.0,0.04220004018720764,0.0,0.0,0.06774772770531669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434274676949992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860998124772966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439018296216599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892224584455529,0.0,0.0,0.07148068490780568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866947235865517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255967432024756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875343854609036,0.05989142011723021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33598283921840105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643483394161612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304707628877969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846628466081625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988558077155253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5499547016483974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175544098770153,0.0,0.0,0.04709880713582934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715877985083993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528284553096918,0.1282261198828052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831151042027732,0.0,0.0
bpd,DarnHeather,2018/11/21,Do you ever feel like your sanity is slipping through your fingers? I had been doing pretty well for months but the last two days I feel like I'm spiraling downward.,6.145937499999999,6.788121718750002,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,66.1875,8.9,31.625,8.841846274778883,2.5836375000000005,133,5,24,2,2,42,27,32,0.0,0.743,0.257,0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,4,8,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,5,3,2,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088552234710967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29578681894568665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306782470204009,0.4672123567710049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26654557828548536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195076901875012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610052781397586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326727322004594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194278109639111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29400888941348824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jtatertot92,2018/11/21,"Random sex I have a habit of giving random blowjobs, I feel like I have no control over my emotions so giving a BJ is something I can control. I love women and have no attraction to guys but for some reason keep doing it. Tonight I took it a step further and had full blown sex, not enjoyable at all. Then I got super paranoid I might be pregnant (he didn’t wear a condom). I’ve kind of been spiraling tonight, did some drugs and idk. I feel so fucked sometimes, I make progress and in one night I can undo it all. Not to mention I reached out to my ex after a month of me keeping my distance, no response and here I am ",1.1923737980769218,3.289615460937505,2.723437500000003,93.07396634615385,81.890625,4.87596153846154,25.47115384615385,5.8734145424116955,0.6455737980769229,481,20,102,3,13,157,83,128,0.159,0.6990000000000001,0.141,-0.3383,1,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,3,7,1,0,5,0,14,7,1,4,2,25,25,9,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,4,3,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,6,2,17,6,12,17,5,14,0,0,0,5,8,6,1,5,7,72,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236256890695215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21900760672136488,0.0,0.0,0.2124323471984131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097783124985246,0.13491544036120706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459002761863968,0.0,0.3623268416137676,0.0,0.0,0.1510416744643534,0.0,0.0,0.18699252515403028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357195096391684,0.0,0.19665961715345406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226322911995813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704457143334259,0.0,0.1260597408856973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034143572631585,0.0,0.0,0.15073934379729667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772241964520547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127970560551606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417063833854198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453869937183805,0.1867788115564669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098207957726248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ishouldbeworking00,2018/11/21,What tips/tricks have you used to deal with feelings of abandonment? I'm just curious what has worked for any of you guys in the past because right now I just want this intense bad feeling to go away without me doing any self-destructive stuff.,10.061914893617024,7.585495723404257,8.38776595744681,76.78250000000003,59.85106382978724,11.953191489361705,40.52127659574468,10.125756701596842,3.8531361702127658,197,8,38,3,2,59,40,47,0.13699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.129,-0.5307,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,9,9,0,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663488801234369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530731440057949,0.0,0.22490484402108646,0.1641997174260389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776989438800168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27239361848152216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308383246383422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667093359598653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571351648798679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003247472779176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810018439434249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083534351176463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326410680115833,0.0,0.0,0.15887585669004042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596539995725271,0.0,0.1960977198303529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MisSkeeto,2018/11/21,"Everyone thinks I hate them. I’m losing the people I love. How? I’m 29. Still married to my ex of 8 years. Head over heels for a man 4 years younger than me. He claims to love me, too, but I never feel like he shows it adequately.  My sister and I got into an argument over something piddly and she expressed that she feels I don’t like her. 

This whole bpd thing is new to me. Something I’ve lived with my whole life but could never describe how I was feeling ( I am very bad at emotional identification). I don’t realize how much it affects others or greatly impacts my relationships with others. I’ve always known I was “different”, the problem child, eccentric, people have made that abundantly clear. But, alas, I learned to be comfortable in my skin. Accepting my differences and celebrating them even. ... until right now. I am having an immensely difficult time coping with this disability. I don’t feel like my loved ones have taken the time to learn what it is. I asked them to please point out if I’m acting out of line. Yes I get offended and sometimes lash out, but usually I just need a time out. 

I just feel so lost and out of place anymore. Truthfully, I miss my hermit hole far away from humans. ",2.69823857302118,5.0617242307692285,4.010304719435155,84.43155518394649,78.05982905982907,7.488368636194725,24.7038275733928,8.456263369488248,1.7931722779635817,946,34,184,20,23,310,144,234,0.147,0.6940000000000001,0.158,0.7026,1,1,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,3,2,10,18,2,0,7,1,14,7,3,5,4,46,35,16,0,4,8,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,11,14,0,0,12,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,6,6,34,10,27,27,3,28,0,3,0,3,19,15,0,2,15,120,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821111256970072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705487558339565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103429006508724,0.0,0.11089385775196957,0.0,0.09855081967935787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865570874761858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423801998264623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466342085055739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276880636926358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795825540335674,0.0,0.0,0.11278352392474653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983996909184337,0.2529637630112506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166624137485895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440004356736158,0.13012941571350195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653101664427012,0.12113369180943008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336867155120675,0.17299171661351712,0.0,0.10422339248574958,0.0,0.0,0.13204631673789502,0.12884460261441,0.0,0.3195823189064845,0.11168363289605182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676624682098738,0.08751837090315777,0.1820653174580472,0.11399491895364915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998075057266615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365544336877166,0.0,0.12331710425278695,0.12956241626102702,0.1115772929624419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293957166860825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672094833352926,0.0,0.1007976908455097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817318113006209,0.11673551694205905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425957978981654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841444420333528,0.07562939519136642,0.0,0.0,0.20647419266105907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999429291871115,0.09738780263890223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635544312749913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201597991335153
bpd,annacanhavefun,2018/11/21,give me a couple days before i'm obsessed with someone new the thought of being close with anyone right now makes me sick so i'm going to distance myself from everyone but i know i'll have someone new i'm obsessed with in a week give it a couple days actually. ,3.6366666666666654,4.873632851851851,5.189814814814816,81.8991666666667,72.33333333333334,6.881481481481483,28.314814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.5981259259259255,210,8,40,2,4,71,37,54,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,11,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,7,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.203495325963954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580911540344113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744378158768315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614692448885005,0.0,0.2689693650556276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925947549597225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40008220417117546,0.11851247840930272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460270586713416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919548098111606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027993978103757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780835915579552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533738047418987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554963011079488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727029187410758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hyperhedonie,2018/11/21,"Currently de-Perso/De-Realisat-ing and i enjoy it? I am writing this to put this out there. Has anyone experienced this?   


Music: Suddently more vivid/somehow gives me weird Body-feelings. Especially slow, dramatic music with a lot of Bass.  
Sight: As if someone put on a few lights, and put a wide-angled-lense in front of my face, then added motion Blur.  
Body Feeling: High. Inbetween Weed & Ecstasy, Very cold the body - like i get when i am depressed, but my face feels like its burning. It feels like i am not really there, typing without effort or care right now. Time rapidly slows and speeds up. I just want to move, but not like i normally do, with more pathos. My hair feels so good.   
I don't care about myself, or other people. Just music and dancing, touching myself.   
My small box of a room just shaped itself into a wide field, and i do get the feeling of gust over my body. But from the inside. It feels like i am finally synchronized with how i should be - and i couldn't care less about how its probably gone once i stopped typing. This is what i wanted to feel for years. Vision is Blurry.   
It feels like my muscles are laughing, not shivering, just laughing.   


  
Sorry if its rambly. I am really enjoying this Moment right now. And for once i don't hate myself, but truly, truly love myself.  


  
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bpd,logtree17,2019/06/24,DAE...double hearing?? Does anyone else ever just hear something then in your head you hear it again? I guess I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not sure if this is even a thing. 🤷🏽‍♀️,-2.880714285714284,-1.5569801428571424,-0.056785714285712885,104.82053571428574,112.33333333333334,2.1,12.392857142857142,3.1291,-1.873628571428571,142,3,36,0,8,48,38,42,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.3616,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,2,9,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,2,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564954564877442,0.2280835957118679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480182627711232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595666357022145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702751483866425,0.20135761348150408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452228559806438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284554160149445,0.0,0.7526709813497392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233706410592896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713710526512685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980116793068115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788787664654515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Perversia_Rayne,2019/06/24,"Longest period of dissociation I've spent most of this afternoon and evening feeling spacey, and not quite like myself. I'm trying to really work out if this is dissociation and also, if it is, it's the longest time I've ever felt like this. It's getting a little better now, and I'm hoping it will be gone after some sleep but I've not been able to focus on anything and don't really know how to help myself feel better if I get like this again.

What helps you if you are dissociating?",3.216893939393941,4.852569212121214,5.327159090909087,78.91073863636366,74.05050505050505,7.77828282828283,22.476010101010104,8.472884824447931,1.3620797979797978,388,10,76,7,8,135,64,99,0.062,0.787,0.151,0.84,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,4,6,6,0,0,2,0,7,1,1,1,1,22,18,12,0,5,7,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,5,6,8,12,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,10,51,14,1,0.21780363701413324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417748982991568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923383519004288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38525923462835854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438572480928119,0.19701585917282868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025612628280106,0.0,0.2091256477049456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758682165256175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919783735738957,0.0,0.0,0.21632815598163804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969918284577286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31922356607534585,0.21829646335666406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316609779441397,0.0,0.0,0.2790611741042449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796093219597934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700305227339256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787437252637473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585636417750861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sorenbrooks,2019/06/24,"how do you not let people down especially in the work place when you are Job switching / pursuing I don’t know if anyone else struggles with this....but I hate letting people down. Like I never want to be a disappointment and I’ll go to great lengths to avoid that or maladaptively cope to push away the feelings. 

Recently the drama of my life is, I moved back to my home state of AZ and acquired q good job with a healthcare company in a position at a high school. I was there for the greater part of the year and I wanted to return and made that known. So all was good.

However, I was asked to apply and interview for a state based position doing something similar but with a different population (infants) because of someone I networked with when I returned. 
This line of work is more my passion and niche but I am afraid of accepting it and letting my previous work setting and peeps down.

Any advice? Like how do you make decisions without incessantly thinking about what other people are going to feel",4.713734729493893,6.564804910994768,5.43882722513089,78.74836300174522,70.57068062827227,8.653542757417103,31.58150087260035,9.21078282632365,2.955531657940663,802,36,144,17,15,260,119,191,0.048,0.841,0.11199999999999999,0.9195,4,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,4,9,12,1,3,11,0,16,2,0,4,2,34,28,17,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,12,0,1,7,1,0,4,4,5,0,0,4,2,17,7,29,20,4,24,0,1,0,1,6,9,0,2,10,104,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329957974164409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255298202145032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951646083234516,0.13945100809933075,0.0,0.0,0.12723556082731194,0.0,0.12787086527677255,0.10465285517726768,0.0,0.08296557909356184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219601647819646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369447292656025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763296705361094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546980592819184,0.22830922248436836,0.0,0.1500512410927539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437103038847212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379761174524774,0.1365198614865859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270117418048261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479725520916346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175158339587376,0.09613178208725924,0.13298362318413612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878154899808167,0.090848115985825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465325341711174,0.0,0.0,0.10496906750381896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738353869129636,0.0,0.28306477349211445,0.0,0.14219601647819646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438278807217285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774093475835356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531748075894645,0.1047767857950312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228175465645626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720768128663328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055115880710594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119598971415755,0.0,0.2972482743518827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764423603556842
bpd,nono1210,2019/06/24,Seeing a therapist for the first time Currently in the waiting room. Not sure how it will go. Do you guys remember the first time you visited a therapist?,3.3802298850574712,6.077121275862068,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,77.6206896551724,10.763218390804601,30.356321839080447,10.504223727775694,4.280232183908047,123,6,22,5,3,41,22,29,0.07,0.93,0.0,-0.2411,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,5,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586712782300124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322925820378344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669627030327239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30542291186416903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148494262229597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25411034046839337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6260910250993109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31443107394759023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NumbPeach,2019/06/24,"A letter to my Favourite Person We were together for over three years, and out of those, I lived with you for two. 

We were going to get married and have children. I had my life planned out, year by year, and I told you and you said it was achievable. 

Then you decided it wasn't, and I sat in the middle of the road, waiting to get hit by a car. And according to you, I almost did. 

You were the only person I had ever loved, the only person where my love for you was stronger than my desire to die, and my entire future, this beautiful life I had constructed in my head, was taken away from me. 

You couldn't cope with it anymore, you said. It was too much. You couldn't cope with the responsibility of looking after me. You wanted to be my boyfriend, not my carer. What does that mean, FP? We had good times. The best moments of my life were with you. The only times I can ever remember being happy were with you. But now we are not together I have had to wipe all of those memories in an attempt to stay sane, but it's hard because it hurts so much. 

Some days I'm glad that I didn't get hit by that car on that dark, damp night. Sometimes I'm glad that my two attempts since have been unsuccessful, because it means I can build myself up to be a better person than I was with you. Other times, there is no amount of hope that can fill the empty void. Will my heart ever be so full as it was when I was with you? 

I feel very angry with you, because I feel like you have broken me. But then I'm also angry with myself, for breaking us, and in the process, breaking you. I never meant to hurt you. I gave you everything I had, and I'm sorry that I wasn't enough. I'm sorry that I was unwell.

I hope life brings you all the joy that you deserve. I still love you but I'm learning to live without you, because I know it's what you need.",2.5377302601962697,3.6360589033942574,3.856251012874768,90.93809399477809,74.8485639686684,6.431583685963807,22.34527775276852,6.647476241863616,0.3676839650670756,1412,35,317,11,29,464,169,383,0.08199999999999999,0.7759999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,5,25,0,6,12,15,0,0,14,0,40,9,2,0,6,56,74,20,1,7,7,0,3,1,0,1,4,2,0,5,24,24,0,1,9,0,0,5,10,2,0,3,31,6,69,13,49,34,9,42,0,2,1,3,43,14,0,4,21,238,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334860275788727,0.0,0.0,0.07454978791224558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245140788437707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758535877982454,0.0,0.0,0.2273096375959373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783098462279803,0.08244749152380207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060120629704022724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674996237852873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157940634986767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632348896902064,0.0,0.0,0.2529745467860208,0.0,0.0,0.08378213410917026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427192639410394,0.06659798354564077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611431106041636,0.0,0.05298034464466311,0.07819038809487319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923680296802327,0.08350881214159117,0.0,0.09567290806298234,0.0,0.0,0.11046879771229508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518142802065324,0.0,0.0,0.19959266197541056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123250256468453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633824868872905,0.045543675344704486,0.0,0.16463388341186494,0.0,0.07828319905634802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25241012107016914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030926866158214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705813850920912,0.06912310628171549,0.07189873485415156,0.0,0.0,0.0874827528087516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126991321672816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255922405597805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560262003892346,0.0,0.1773513869497204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711439639605508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219917442665516,0.20870932046774235,0.0,0.09936249924750347,0.07444739755372025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630759052808972,0.0,0.0,0.08907784080788192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212915639148028,0.0,0.11213487094955854,0.0,0.0,0.07691810716861368,0.05498488970181105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986290821382238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009618942228142
bpd,majanovh,2019/06/24,"DAE try to be nice and thoughtful but instead feel like they get taken for granted? For example, it was my managers birthday a few months back so I did a little artsy paper cutting for her as a mini gift. Then when another colleague left my team asked me to write a poem for her. Then when a different colleague went on a sabbatical they asked me to write the card as I’m the most creative out of them. But did anyone remember my bday? Nope. What’s rubbish is that one of my coworkers was asking everyone’s bday, and she would send an invite to everyone in the team apart from that person so we’d have it all in our calendar - and she even asked for my bday, so I’m kinda gutted that no one thought to mention it.

My friend celebrated her bday a few months ago and I got her a present, but this weekend I had a belated bday party and while everyone got a little gift or even a card, she didn’t even acknowledge it.

I really believe in seeing the good in things and being positive and thoughtful, but right now I’m really rethinking my character trait. Anyone else in the same boat?",4.41375,5.41893398611111,5.595444444444446,80.59400000000002,70.25,9.093333333333334,29.21481481481481,9.3871,2.538467037037037,855,32,167,18,15,285,122,216,0.016,0.772,0.212,0.9933,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,3,2,11,5,1,0,17,0,12,1,1,0,1,27,29,22,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,1,0,2,13,2,25,4,22,12,5,26,0,0,1,0,24,12,0,3,13,120,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112235518978133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276563819962428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177062664749553,0.1297308291973194,0.0,0.0,0.4734673498453503,0.0,0.0,0.09735821823778608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265042625650334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322845017594437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105769606465725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508817175822253,0.0,0.0,0.3629548153792838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401975569812313,0.09045294393912386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978215293441664,0.0,0.06615049927647366,0.0,0.0,0.10619767167690533,0.2025292891046132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756629446326255,0.0,0.0,0.061857120792749014,0.2538006363721143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212389890160684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159361313193294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055431078549256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222412054996907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342878510216664,0.1081275172069194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008948280761639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411660122117631,0.0,0.0,0.30155170931475656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596247798344207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737228693833016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994283060075696,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JackSkell54327,2019/06/24,"As a guy suspected of having bpd, I'm not sure if people feel this way? I made a throwaway JUST for this. Fuck everything, fuck people. I can barely breathe anymore as every day becomes more and more restricting and fucking enclosed. I WANA FUCKING BASH SOMEONE'S HEAD IN. Jesus fucking christ man, my life is so fucking boring and I don't really feel like I control people anymore, I just want to be a huge jackass towards those that deserve to get fucked over. I feel like literally stabbing someone at this point just to get a fucking emotional reaction. 

FUCK EVERYONE. I want to be in a position of POWER, not to be in some shitty Admin job. I WILL get what I want one way or another, and I can't fucking wait till I hurt people who fucking double crossed me or thinks I'm not capable. I'd love to fucking laugh at their faces as they fucking cry because their pathetic miserable and worthless lives are meaningless compared to me. If it wasn't for it being illegal, I'd SO fucking take advantage of torturing others.

I'm not even sure if I even have BPD, but I sure as hell know that I'm not normal, I never fucking was. But I sure as hell am hellbent on getting everything I want MY way.",3.12549341438703,5.2247541531914905,4.691732522796354,81.3566666666667,75.55319148936171,7.54002026342452,31.190476190476193,8.418075326091056,2.6788135764944268,946,47,172,18,21,317,127,235,0.266,0.6829999999999999,0.051,-0.9935,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,3,7,31,18,1,5,0,15,20,3,2,5,42,51,20,0,8,15,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,5,0,4,6,0,0,1,9,22,0,1,3,3,24,9,26,43,4,18,4,3,0,16,7,11,17,6,5,111,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634123066395683,0.0,0.0,0.11994800107185916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036864415153228886,0.06678882899973022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523298796682218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782678114273866,0.0,0.0,0.06642789630525903,0.039000754673188566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802515849646898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988506976815364,0.0,0.05095198923072442,0.05778553939419389,0.10870034044800758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917324791498149,0.0864053364304264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8386091706811571,0.12638076542585885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987881002593794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206381461079796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473871350478211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001115611945448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033234952355881114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04271460481566698,0.05908912523966186,0.0,0.0533996876733549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458018463518526,0.057222001439746165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046641309865917316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925172202807288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040978776439702234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770034736936293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716751732532097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387412203042385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247892033220736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279842783981432,0.0,0.04546895405139291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874932475159922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426766289408428,0.14400444087097047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Capt_Madvillain,2019/06/24,"Breaking valuables in a rage Does anyone else have an issue with breaking valuables when in a rage? I've been doing well to control myself for the most part, I had an episode Father's day weekend and completely lost myself. I went outside and destroyed my patio furniture for no reason. I'm so embarrassed. Why would I do that? My logical self knows that I don't have the financial means to replace it. My logical self knows that breaking the furniture will have no positive impact. My logical self knows how disappointed my family will be with me. WHY AM I DOING THIS?   


Again, I've been doing very well for the most part in avoiding the rage outright, but this was a major issue in the past. I've broken tvs, phones, doors, etc,etc,etc. the list goes on. I thought maybe this was something I'd grown out of.   


I do everything I can to avoid all confrontational situations. For almost a year I have managed to not feel the rage once. I know it's not realistic to constantly avoid triggers. Is there a preferred method for preventing the rage? Why am I destroying things of value? Am I subconsciously trying to harm myself? My wife has been incredible in dealing with my symptoms up to this point, but I can't let this happen again. I'm so scared she's going to give up on me, and I don't blame her.",3.4923917748917748,5.578905591269841,4.610606060606064,82.40863636363638,74.43650793650794,7.756421356421356,26.93073593073593,8.575989854853784,2.0657952380952387,1027,39,194,20,22,336,133,252,0.22399999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.057,-0.9926,0,3,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,2,9,20,8,5,16,0,29,1,0,4,1,35,43,9,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,11,7,0,5,12,1,0,3,7,16,2,0,9,1,28,4,28,29,6,25,0,2,0,0,10,11,0,3,8,135,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579808149348825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085910243923837,0.11848820215634835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124772790138265,0.12496718876221916,0.12970157789294467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457908712316562,0.11922112710855855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119850180504378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660348731639178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869119335297583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039309652918434,0.0,0.10901634832313,0.0,0.05847172797779347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093369520034096,0.06572162930630933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022612407801106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413989951061868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25421378925136284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825108858862067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623616553168618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617725307006355,0.1259673031018307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315423578884055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504565691562917,0.1103927287151231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931842962903424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188985409657543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577713897823773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361917363672003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998569320278086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902634083312623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019561376503372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682695710701293,0.0,0.0,0.09180629388545668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851286800665258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541620312558363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079508762338159,0.1072006657812155,0.3130449237853083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214827856011955,0.0,0.0,0.07446922111759892
bpd,Junobabydollbrowning,2019/06/24,"I'm feeling so lonely it hurts! How do I stop feeling this way? My friend isn't talking to me/doesn't want to talk to me.

I'm in so much pain.

I see everyone from my school having fun/being friends with each other.

I don't know how to move forward confidently.

It's literally feels like my stomach is being ripped open.

I've had five meditation sessions today, and they haven't been successful.

What should I do about my friend? She doesn't want to talk to me, and it's painful to think about that. I want to end the friendship so I can move on. Yet, I feel comfortable being fucked over like this. I feel comfortable in that 'limbo' kind world. I'm so comfortable with not being spoken to, or cared for.

IT FUCKING HURTS!

Please, someone tell me how to deal with this. My BPD is telling me to do so many things.

I'm super lonely. Can anyone please give me guidance? I really need it right now.",1.1462142857142863,3.580768050000003,2.5028571428571422,92.38500000000002,85.16666666666666,5.428571428571429,20.79365079365079,6.868970318607317,0.4403650793650793,699,22,147,9,21,225,101,180,0.162,0.604,0.235,0.9401,0,4,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,12,20,2,0,1,0,18,5,1,3,0,25,38,11,0,5,2,0,5,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,7,0,0,3,5,8,0,1,2,6,21,12,22,32,2,16,0,4,1,2,12,8,2,1,8,92,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740554238462526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743787220324792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274496744602791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887339785227606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107162370317453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944645904209615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160283099794352,0.08930271818136276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897328075790857,0.2311279419458765,0.0,0.11991500653872253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676382420984694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301721902347907,0.0686988027967018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221410555610687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267342025438801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657184492295659,0.0918921539821249,0.09268871145124144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660256491532331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27443320280795275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008061589152536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675253647110322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651048875438184,0.09961182030412072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591528856931597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450874892049657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014198855199741,0.21851760928389044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304695022733988,0.08009736831003489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848895754193542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211913866390128,0.09922217408658826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kimberley112,2019/06/24,"Stupid question Hey reddit world, was just wondering what FP stands for. I've seen it all over this sub but never figured out what it meant. TIA x",2.2433333333333323,4.657846896551725,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,80.0344827586207,5.2459770114942526,20.011494252873558,6.42735559955562,0.04402528735632138,116,3,24,1,3,35,27,29,0.067,0.763,0.16899999999999998,0.6541,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433852801061933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6440006299633483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6234361891901714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bigsadtrashbag,2019/06/24,"DAE feel afraid to be themselves around their parents despite not remembering anything that could make you feel that way? For context I’m 21 now and still live with my mother, my father passed away when I was 18. I for some reason can’t relax or enjoy myself when my mother is home, and I feel like I can’t do anything I would normally do when she isn’t here. This typically means I spend most of my day locked in my room, the only way I can describe it is that I don’t want to make any noise because I don’t want her to hear what I’m doing (whether it be watching videos, playing games, art). When she comes around me I get tense and dread being touched. Why am I so uncomfortable, has anyone else dealt with this? Thank you for reading",7.52768571428571,5.593079140000004,7.163142857142859,81.87300000000002,64.26666666666667,9.638095238095241,32.76190476190476,7.447530270364453,1.9905904761904751,581,17,124,4,7,183,98,150,0.06,0.83,0.11,0.6672,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,1,0,10,7,0,2,1,0,19,0,0,3,0,26,33,10,0,5,3,4,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,8,8,0,0,6,6,1,2,6,2,0,0,1,6,24,5,13,27,2,16,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,3,8,81,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696303539642545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202634556846925,0.1762300126927195,0.28307576086482705,0.30622543719851897,0.0,0.0,0.16159570674959362,0.0,0.0,0.10484703736456816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815914380229842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732464313613058,0.0,0.0,0.11092305589196362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368041278459515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608987184250148,0.12287382696244276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986070157149327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385175595043808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725258013585117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840284553015598,0.0,0.1518754339509472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296170511996239,0.0,0.0,0.18735383793916305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851935633782142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081054895640307,0.0,0.0,0.19098097080759008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720423348115615,0.0,0.0,0.1768403182950824,0.0,0.0,0.19483770184349086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735606031601494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583506153524357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028951467618892,0.27304450520291595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519944851916073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218087463452393,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Takenforganite,2019/06/24,"Anyone else experience chronic back pain and dopamine issues? Just curious if anyone else has similar physical ailments. My back pops and crack a lot from me trying to alienate chronic pain in my upper mid back. I’ve noticed when I take mushrooms that it tends to loosen up and I’m able to realign my back... like everything cracks and pops into place with hardly much effort.

Anyone else experience this?",4.882504892367908,7.700570205479455,5.126457925636012,76.88287671232878,72.97260273972603,7.4590998043052865,29.606653620352247,8.418075326091056,2.661944814090019,327,14,51,6,7,103,53,73,0.091,0.847,0.063,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,4,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,8,4,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,6,31,8,0,0.14655011707499074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074137479563327,0.450473740304775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507519761272008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36727145374758585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317097956209025,0.2867082705241169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128011952263507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296024731054034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159698467049673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459166885537673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773119832270678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668482796175129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118793142386089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311368074094733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018744965329012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949790969158513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aMayzC,2019/06/24,"31m Advice Please Lamictal 300mg XR, Bupropion 450mg XR, Doxepin 75mg, Aderall 20mg twice daily 

Somewhat cross posted in r/bipolar. About 2 years ago, after numerous depression meds that didn't work,  I saw a psychiatrist that did an analysis that said bipolar 2. Now I have felt better to an extent, even to the point if finally starting community college instead of saying its implausible. I'm not socially uncomfortable at all, in fact I am a manager with food service at a hospital, but I am very shy personally outside of work.

That said, my life has evened out. I got out of a pretty bad relationship about a year ago. She was pretty physically/mentally abusive, but honestly I still cry and miss her, and by cry I mean i just did this morning. This is a good thing as before her, I had 2 relationships that lasted 4 years each that I never cried about or even really cared when they ended. In fact from around age 12 I never cried about anything. Relationships, step brother and roommates suicides, grandparents deaths. So crying and feeling that emotion is calming.

Now the problem is still daily. Although never to the extreme, my mood changes constantly. Not daily. Not hourly. Almost in intervals of 10, 20, 30 minutes what have you. I am typically a little anxious but normally calm, but usually a more negative mood. Sometimes I get frustrated or very anxious randomly (sense of impending dread for no reason, but not panic attacks), to awesome bouts of almost mania feelings of happiness. They come and go as things happen throughout the day. I've always been kinda wierd, awkward whatever, but I'm trying to find out why, and why my mood changes like this. The mental abuse of my ex also has made me very weak mentally. I have a date from tinder tonight and though I will go, i am already subconsciously ready for her to dismiss me. Also, I occassionally think I would feel better off meds, but then I think back to how I am in school and doing better. 

I just want to hear advice, or similar situations if anybody has some. I appreciate your time reading this.",5.001649119851763,7.0892976109660575,6.081128611134505,73.46925124231451,70.27937336814622,9.015042533479322,32.198180746230946,9.536714749202195,3.4039405205087165,1647,76,273,39,31,547,230,383,0.152,0.68,0.16699999999999998,0.5455,1,0,0,0,1,1,56.0,0,2,2,5,22,23,2,3,16,0,23,4,0,3,6,60,47,30,2,6,18,2,4,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,15,15,1,0,9,1,0,5,10,10,0,1,12,9,36,10,41,33,6,48,0,2,1,0,19,14,0,11,29,185,51,7,0.0,0.17932524824250384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789767219955655,0.13416282799040133,0.0,0.15155537143811154,0.0,0.08350935938539532,0.12103470715010978,0.06296774899110122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709826556136885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227416290934493,0.06736688688860269,0.0,0.08609135596398602,0.0,0.058189484068019964,0.06318555114659764,0.0,0.0,0.06439394003195782,0.0,0.0,0.2007854402669344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715581232410176,0.0,0.16010845239584945,0.0651874016303302,0.0,0.08177790368443953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41562774327016055,0.048804181833972136,0.0,0.06517885645332018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512430675678054,0.06702568085659902,0.0,0.0,0.14994807806109206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479081956294375,0.0,0.07265996757750315,0.08289837780037304,0.06916567436810038,0.0,0.09150663651407204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03953711862658122,0.0,0.08601581142426527,0.06347268711318417,0.0605242939680584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691924481936838,0.08055755570952397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529134245503063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452473415519907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168531023326729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053451564151992835,0.03697103346809468,0.07584633508060958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160561344442486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243237350926533,0.16811596231190845,0.0,0.1525254123374875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509591699534918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414553487658504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878842979424638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607658215756636,0.0,0.08306853972369962,0.07153743392713725,0.0,0.07247583139685974,0.15397757354620092,0.0,0.07241085467741057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569558306672004,0.0,0.048479409591984934,0.0778066109002321,0.0,0.2437402242312554,0.0,0.0,0.14396870724429822,0.06017988032260841,0.0,0.07658724566146763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506198790562723,0.0,0.07714123885218019,0.0,0.0,0.07484461316877243,0.0,0.0535632283273661,0.0,0.1208684721089894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277628154734265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055035343109693,0.09697910242853633,0.07435040575986786,0.0,0.0441267618855074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513784283813406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334543609789426,0.18731965917836013,0.04463513719565272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657002225828654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018475444584233,0.0,0.0,0.05375742287613152,0.0,0.0,0.14619685820726527
bpd,KimTheDuck,2019/06/24,"My FP Takes Advantage of me I think? They feel like they can do whatever they want to me, lie, be rude etc because they know I won’t leave them. They’re caring at time but horrible other times:( How do I leave my FP he’s the only person I have in my life) or how do I at-least deal with this because I don’t think I can leave. Any suggestions? When I say he’s the only person I have I mean it.  He’s also my ex boyfriend (best friends for 5 years, dating for 3) he started dating another girl 2 DAYS after we broke up so I’m already feeling abandoned and insecure.
I have BPD and CPTSD, thanks for any help and sorry for the format",-0.18547222222222004,1.9471279111111133,2.1228472222222234,94.8709375,88.40740740740742,5.152777777777779,18.80787037037037,6.6274283507984215,0.05212037037037032,488,14,111,6,16,165,86,135,0.168,0.6890000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.5368,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,5,2,5,10,1,1,3,0,11,1,0,2,0,17,23,10,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,3,3,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,23,6,11,21,2,12,0,2,0,0,19,3,0,1,10,63,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326026997927238,0.1255578188602274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353922961316166,0.16463471319711329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141907107804496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647683432801461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977438401119421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007830705598536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101256024269662,0.16186652057062956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510344004350206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877412651701606,0.11216527623556714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130261750306875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523796093310812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628651344179301,0.0,0.0,0.4987407569781511,0.0,0.0,0.11089813769315428,0.07670530928794381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102580350706548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882061332241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741835537521726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248576493551565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575561103256665,0.11112981190685407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804913913907035,0.0,0.0,0.14455023459558147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120649461064205,0.0,0.0,0.1831031811011871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260633751709918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110685919731806
bpd,DownvotedIRL,2019/06/24,"How to get an official diagnosis? Currently live in MD but my health insurance only covers appointments in MI since I'm still on my mother's insurance (my last year). I'm going there next month for about a week and maybe again sometime later in the year. I already planned to get a physical the first day I'm there so I'll get some facetime with a Dr to maybe get a recommendation. 

How long would it take to get a diagnosis? And what steps do I need to get one?",3.5731155015197587,4.827224244680856,5.213100303951368,81.60500000000002,72.51063829787232,9.201215805471127,27.258358662613983,9.606745405546679,2.338023100303952,365,13,77,9,7,124,62,94,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,8,0,2,2,0,2,0,9,14,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,12,13,1,19,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,13,42,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517014671569606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990465764447884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814561798390744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828211224968538,0.0,0.10566406436158418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762696643802236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155168527105287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417300953402905,0.16453559771506254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735683632715041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840159803496658,0.0,0.0,0.13785920797628387,0.0,0.0,0.19773073108346528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598592516646848,0.14140247005257822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537970467849396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388214659687716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484779810216118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979061212199545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491358473267681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320740384039219,0.0,0.0,0.23945604076409024
bpd,eatsomethingxo,2019/06/24,"officially diagnosed...but my friend said ""they diagnose everyone with that"" now I'm questioning. do I really have it or did my counselor jump to a diagnosis. 
or is my friend just an idiot.
I felt so positive about finally someone understanding and believing that something more is going on. and that I'm not a monster deep down I just act like one sometimes with no control...",3.9768322981366495,6.762157449275364,5.697763975155282,71.76913043478264,75.95652173913044,10.319668737060043,33.04554865424431,10.290406445055957,4.495867908902691,300,16,50,11,7,102,53,69,0.094,0.733,0.174,0.7841,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,13,11,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,3,2,7,3,6,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28216213344473345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28089176065121274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541931429819041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393078608058468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404633909213787,0.2743467371699074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869814082005696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233183950894532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223532072750111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970583697989167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805521187675917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043942227087493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822749090552825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212198514191402,0.1928023238205498,0.2476933320341065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607187335301056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nienna27,2019/06/24,"Partners, friends and relatives of people wBPD, can I ask you a question? Hello everyone,

I'm working to better understand the impact that some of my behaviours may have on my loved ones. I'm trying to gain perspective because I realize that I may have hurt some people that I love so much and I don't want to make more mistakes, so I'd like to ask some questions to neurotypicals who are in a relationship with a person with BPD traits. 

Well, like many other people (with or without the disorder) I'm very insecure and I'm like, um, hungry for love. But at the same time I can't accept it, because I feel I don't deserve it. For example, if my SO forgets to call me, I immediately assume it must be because I'm worthless, unlovable, boring, horrible etc... And many times, the only thing I can do is ""do you really love me? Are you sure? Then why didn't you call?""... and then ""Never mind, I understand you don't want to hear from me, I know you hate me and you have every right to hate me""... etc. etc.

When you pwBPD behaves like that, how does it make you feel? Because I often think that my loved ones secretly hate me and that they deal with me just out of pity. I am afraid that they just tolerate me, but do not actually love me. I know that I put a lot of stress on them, I just want to be... loved.

So how does it make you feel when we ""assume"" you are about to abandon us? I think that if I understand the impact of my behaviours, I may be more aware of them. Thank you.",1.9043730773963359,3.716718674418608,3.693990402362495,88.4345797957426,78.20265780730897,7.117066568229357,23.108281038513603,8.045849151850463,1.1534221976128949,1135,36,246,20,27,381,137,301,0.114,0.742,0.14400000000000002,0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,2,12,4,3,14,30,3,3,9,0,25,7,0,5,3,64,60,22,0,7,10,0,3,4,2,4,0,1,0,2,17,13,0,1,17,0,0,1,8,13,2,2,1,4,52,17,30,52,11,14,0,4,0,7,40,6,0,15,11,175,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.08073747738611146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546922129256112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173808239123936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317243128751998,0.0,0.0,0.10420190340542966,0.0,0.16896347958980512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529620711080302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482153895791674,0.0,0.14480400544118546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27681436349737704,0.0,0.0,0.06970785077357393,0.07905688900036051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254999866385857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639208969782579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24505120945038594,0.0,0.0,0.0932484181160844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856958576885661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093804321553707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616806718142261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033838371720474,0.5227013108282247,0.0,0.1656788716604594,0.16776071661579678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353881876211525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060819783823048326,0.0,0.06381037359100493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212682668804984,0.0629237362502913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207420601624251,0.07224105733778532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317158018300037,0.1853643890972725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300219372250823,0.0,0.0,0.08882648455911646,0.0,0.07065528349675589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477272406980826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779768086449681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617132131162316,0.0,0.0,0.054965493147247135,0.10602656297204703,0.0,0.0,0.0964869498818868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617167034715805,0.0,0.0,0.2583903250097568,0.0995200822710623,0.0,0.0,0.0682650837222456,0.14639783415591645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438874903422721,0.0,0.07465551702611603,0.0,0.0,0.07975363901367855,0.0,0.060232104202142187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,werollin1and2,2019/06/24,BPD breaking up To the people that have BPD how do you get over a 2 year relationship that has ended? Any ideas would be great.,3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,73.61538461538461,6.7384615384615385,20.69230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.2736000000000001,100,2,22,1,2,32,24,26,0.0,0.8490000000000001,0.151,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928298828110865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7011272830453851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465295464577392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542288565647968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30687447004941426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142157047782594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929681970026814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988365363111064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772709372014965,0.0,0.0,0.17924395886652655
bpd,sammerrz,2019/06/24,"DAE sometimes feel like they have to tell their thoughts to someone or they’re gonna explode? Sometimes I have a thought, maybe existential, maybe a realization about myself or my condition, maybe just a stupid thing i remembered. But I HAVE to tell people about it. I cant just keep it in, its like an obsession, and then i cant stop thinking about how i feel the need to tell them and that makes me want to tell them that i can’t stop thinking about telling them. I hope this makes sense",5.5418900343642665,5.949075989690727,4.947989690721652,88.38253436426119,67.45360824742268,8.52852233676976,30.59965635738832,8.344100000000001,1.8656955326460485,389,14,84,5,6,117,57,97,0.063,0.795,0.141,0.6341,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,7,5,1,1,5,0,6,0,0,3,0,23,19,7,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,16,3,10,16,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,3,5,53,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458123666382885,0.10213877225859136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200282573240364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270795190157514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396971750853102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086899365750368,0.0,0.43090186065962377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601145611978023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911834323704104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195868679228462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211391742400742,0.0,0.2828046729895525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390609272013989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6248163769162033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498382253958174,0.18322055648331945,0.0,0.22700658869741736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432821577950987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fightmilknmilksteak,2019/06/24,"How do I feel more confident to leave my house? I’ve been single for a while now after being in a long term relationship. This time my BPD isn’t playing up and being all “quick find someone new” instead I’ve just been sitting at home, watching movies and gaming. I’m so used to having an FP around me to make me feel more comfortable in social situations that the thought of going out to hang out with friends is terrifying to me because in my head it’s just that they put up with me cause I was with them. Idk what to do to become more independent and want to leave my place (without drug assistance) it’s making me pretty depressed. Any advice?",3.7504651162790696,5.288271682170546,4.716968992248066,84.22056976744187,72.48837209302326,7.330542635658915,26.078294573643408,7.908726449838941,1.4555234108527135,513,17,102,7,10,167,89,129,0.083,0.792,0.125,0.7771,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,10,2,1,6,1,24,19,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,9,0,0,4,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,3,13,3,24,13,6,22,0,1,1,0,6,10,0,0,8,73,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014590495012386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840607889708782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550017625411728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614059849112274,0.19229943708822705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929528149112132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886694981439658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996741125040686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192137632277948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607838883044527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591405203587959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345229850694034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895516174895344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786951020394853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746543562092229,0.0,0.0,0.2009085707269512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687312320515396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408877922430364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244997522773095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816406212114965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191604828104585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714040527759678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503648678400288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693736197378505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957157092984027,0.0,0.17749117613924426,0.14752945206879087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823008889000846,0.10152949295101618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503818799413334,0.0,0.0,0.10269919327033243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784335166505776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alonemusky,2019/06/24,"I give up I give up. I thought I was getting better until my ex FP abused me again. He’s been diagnosed with ADHD and when he’s off the pill, he became abusive. Just like an hour ago. He said he was sorry but I knew he would forget the whole thing in the morning. 

I’m tired of living. I always end up with bruises.",-0.41794117647058826,1.643691617647061,1.9544117647058847,96.1898529411765,88.70588235294119,3.9882352941176467,17.323529411764707,5.148860815047168,-0.6696823529411762,242,6,55,1,8,82,49,68,0.17800000000000002,0.767,0.055,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,8,2,9,4,1,11,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,7,32,9,0,0.0,0.4900946716348639,0.0,0.0,0.2485568962554258,0.0,0.18333304365663705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209042545781222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291507634145665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099174798389216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318072537167795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805467362007666,0.3968002972213448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036755865246354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101041580508755,0.0,0.1826254431523731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673274397806292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315175427472493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374017126159002,0.0,0.0,0.16419161299346752,0.0,0.2377086371365381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309066307400615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146918667452705,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RapploLogan,2019/06/24,"Friends I just always have an overwhelming urge to cut everyone off. The small amount of friends I do have, I’ve cut off for no reason. They’ve always been nice to me, but for whatever reason I get triggered over nothing and then want nothing to do with them anymore. Then at some point, they try to reach out to me again or I’ll message them again and we’ll talk for a little bit and then I’ll go back to cutting them out. It’s an endless cycle and I’ve hurt close friends in the process. 

One of my closest friends barely talks to me anymore after I was having a really bad moment and threatening suicide and self harm. I just wish I could have a stable group of friends and be stable for them too.  It’s so hard to be alone",2.8122000000000007,4.2932444200000015,3.6023333333333305,91.4995,74.8,6.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,6.816661863887847,0.9079333333333331,573,20,123,5,12,182,87,150,0.214,0.625,0.162,-0.8813,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,5,0,7,13,3,1,7,0,12,0,0,3,0,22,16,13,1,3,4,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,2,1,16,6,24,10,3,21,0,2,0,0,16,12,0,2,8,82,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114716226799396,0.0,0.0,0.2428632606510943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894614266701841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221687342167352,0.12185165599351393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932587316032812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651916067056825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944946580584344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5637544716316732,0.0,0.0762462824243378,0.0,0.08293960306965617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073126983781813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622903428511545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462676413024986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800617949164227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988909776356216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379580399532155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349125287624076,0.30009596223793605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224456445467666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963185887430806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345979521207091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990819335592298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607767573585276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782083917494772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,figgiversary,2019/06/24,"They lied to scare me out of doing it again. So last month, about 5-6 weeks ago to be exact, I took my first overdose, it was really small, barely an overdose (I mean like just over the max daily allowance of an over the counter drug). It landed me in hospital because my team wanted to scare me out of doing it, they had me one one 1h drip initially then a 4h drip then a 16h, but I noticed the 16h one was just saline (I didn't notice the 4h one, I was too dazed from the anti nausea they also gave me to begin with). Do you think they were trying to scare me out of it or actually trying to hydrate me? Psych liaison weren't that great when they saw me, they just asked if I'd do it again and said I'd see my psychiatrist the following day, and the doctors let me go pretty easily. I'm just thinking they were trying to prevent it happening again as prevention > treatment. Has this happened to anyone else? I'm 20F in the UK, and received my BPD diagnosis in March in case that's relevant.",4.917764227642273,4.695962658536587,6.095914634146342,81.78517276422765,68.7560975609756,9.17479674796748,28.30284552845529,8.841846274778883,1.9531869918699176,775,23,164,12,12,261,120,205,0.095,0.856,0.049,-0.8690000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,7,2,12,6,0,3,12,0,15,2,0,1,1,22,32,12,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,7,0,2,3,1,0,4,2,4,0,5,12,3,26,2,25,18,0,29,0,0,2,0,13,11,0,2,15,112,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.13536402771876316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296084066508005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109288583414032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699146182166317,0.1421280176143545,0.0,0.0,0.1296780731592521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455825058213738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470436032407982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945850823457573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197878987888746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608632189728954,0.0,0.11587704005159112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798933708332797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788338814978867,0.0,0.0,0.15293174088706374,0.0,0.0,0.2453271661879561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306973349594973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184359704996674,0.0,0.06776823988562578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109928877531287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071951532690573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158516881586749,0.0,0.0,0.3759824895997817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411211448834742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886319776747248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194797349896528,0.0,0.4166281945857908,0.0,0.11053642369151367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776357490632022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411541690595648,0.2825313765570998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181661157547017,0.0,0.11126732429118813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gurlup14,2019/06/24,"DAE feel like they are blocking their close ones to be who they are on the long run when you live w/them? I just thought about this... Starting to feel like a pattern. As if everytime the relationships gets deeper or as they live with me on my moodship, they start to feel like they can't say what they want anymore and how they cannot be themselves. As opposed to everyone that I meet occasionally or at the start of the relationship when they tell me (and they ALL did say that) ""how I make them feel like they can be themselves around me, no filter and that's amazing"".

After a few months living with them or being too close, what I suddenly hear is ""I can't say what I have to say!"" As if I was always cutting them off on their idea. But I feel the other way, that it's them pushing me to the shove where I cannot be free of speech, where my ideas are put aside and aren't watered to grow but drown and end up choking to the point where I don't get creative anymore around these persons and the answer to that is building my wall to not accept any of their ideas so they know I'm not on their side and don't feel close to them anymore... As if they were not so satisfying.

Nothing is clear.

Sorry for the long story.  This was on my mind and went longer than expected. Thank you for those who will take the time to read and tell me if i'm not alone in this and if there is a way to meet in the middle. Because I don't wanna make people that I love feel like they don't belong!",3.90033980582524,4.262245530744341,4.374011326860842,91.22121116504856,71.03883495145631,7.21559870550162,24.835113268608406,6.742157984588678,0.6115086084142396,1155,29,266,8,20,365,144,309,0.092,0.8320000000000001,0.076,-0.7955,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,22,0,16,11,1,0,14,0,28,2,0,4,2,58,52,31,1,8,15,0,7,5,0,1,0,6,0,1,18,17,1,2,14,1,1,5,14,1,0,1,6,13,45,11,41,40,2,41,0,0,0,1,39,22,0,8,17,186,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817406080442972,0.0,0.0,0.07887304055383983,0.0,0.0,0.06446058704141107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282019224933274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876675081085113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057783226599464374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395598269041453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057609901331967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355014155745701,0.3385906919728371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904793519796998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683544544839574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32101979641546285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052094215384129706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315485203749701,0.0,0.25110445184153385,0.16777268967627795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555185708240584,0.0,0.12654639018968078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957110811635734,0.0,0.07566063393072325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095375417757594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423229325467023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657155900383519,0.08276714711382469,0.0,0.0,0.08960737866062404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529033303745793,0.0,0.0,0.09481585237883773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353840284291871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015238891186102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610986921236756,0.20127897603530226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127043421878744,0.0,0.16570162710035766,0.08727008143547749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525283127043512,0.05527292837158782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055909716363792036,0.15048009855556024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787146580796748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jimmybob479,2019/06/24,"Losing my friend So my friend and I met back in 2017. Dated a while but ultimately just became friends. During a visit he had with me he told me that he’s my friend out of obligation and it drains him and that I won’t reach any goals (fitness, etc). Been crying all night. It just hurts someone I trust so much to say that and cut off friendship. Right now I’m 3 hours late for work and crying. I want to give up, no one ever cares about me",1.0066666666666677,2.8953645053763424,2.27010752688172,97.19182795698923,81.36559139784947,4.993548387096775,16.78494623655914,5.82211442006289,-0.7072666666666658,341,6,80,2,9,109,69,93,0.171,0.59,0.239,0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,13,9,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,1,11,6,10,4,3,15,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,0,8,50,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448257883138253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075675369934815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663512567119184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40215109535398624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415291202790795,0.0,0.16558226655479216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657063640487385,0.0,0.0,0.17560148670439574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027071073066653,0.0,0.19596243442752886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649219129753807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478991434768773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456530021969926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178320125753652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240417109986644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632659043167876,0.0,0.14557139881707626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551005389095408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491535375595074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796962910413524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332650442889923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rainyredline,2019/06/24,my partner just broke up with me because of my BPD. i just lost my entire support system within 72 hours i don’t know what to do this hurts so much,0.9770833333333327,2.739848375000001,2.5825,95.54583333333336,80.875,4.266666666666667,20.041666666666664,3.1291,-0.5324708333333334,116,3,26,0,3,38,27,32,0.24,0.6859999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7206,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,5,4,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415823942378765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631295179394056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621293860844075,0.0,0.3936510583844672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020888810106418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401408995326336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703159562599651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172834428931843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alteralteregoslutvil,2019/06/24,"How are you supposed to not stress or trip out in things if you know exactly what’s going to happen? I know, I know. Even in therapy they say you can’t predict that. But what the fuck. It happened again. I’m not good with relationships of any kind. I really just wanna have friends without them just wanting to fuck me. That barking bitch is always telling me that’s the only reason people want to talk to me or be around me anyways. For sex. And guess what? It happened again. With 3 different people in 2 weeks. I want to learn how to not ruin shit and give things a chance but it’s so hard when it turns out almost exactly how I thought it would anyways. I’m frustrated with myself. 

I also found a friend and I’m completely ruining it. This person is actually really nice to me but it’s painful when they are like that. I’m trying to change old behavior and idk how to handle kindness like that. My first reaction is to be mean but I have boundaries with this person. So I’m just ghosting until I feel normal again. It’s fucked up. I also fucking hate how I can’t be me around anyone. I have to hide this side of me now. Like I’m some creature. I’m “too much” fuck that and fuck people somedays. 

Thank you for letting me vent.",1.0057535375738418,3.3865469760956226,2.6412941338095908,91.54163346613548,85.21513944223108,5.5337821129276,21.005770023354856,6.953978226594392,0.5576029949168841,965,31,201,13,29,316,129,251,0.17,0.69,0.14,-0.9222,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,3,1,24,24,10,1,4,0,15,9,1,6,2,52,47,24,1,7,14,0,2,3,2,1,1,1,0,2,22,13,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,14,0,1,2,3,28,10,31,40,2,21,0,2,0,7,16,9,8,6,13,140,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.09607361740139457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858408908609943,0.0,0.0,0.15746187335984874,0.08191881445290489,0.0,0.0,0.06694980733963353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883897259334283,0.0,0.0,0.17528387454591018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041477170004197,0.0,0.1032236169611257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028599586934133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502571544464901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049779598812309485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374205924146393,0.0,0.107946038950835,0.15212543168457993,0.5460961499839609,0.0,0.09444281933889899,0.055951764268056085,0.08257572109155506,0.0,0.0,0.10845447310334448,0.0,0.2611787123180032,0.0,0.0881924306568731,0.09719961907279537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504237126190294,0.1623176817131501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067244380559424,0.0,0.1442940209550606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724160254438153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237254408516137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646071856443117,0.0,0.0,0.10330737951786838,0.0,0.0,0.07487614374011478,0.1047584161802931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475982119670547,0.17192659290433812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613999460941305,0.10122364898967956,0.0,0.10569913711611016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829189591393021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010581613346122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277486895988872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913089060603963,0.08605019376495812,0.09064011680293638,0.11258688037911907,0.0,0.13081245364289756,0.0,0.0,0.07815880659108708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684151821987015,0.10708601930633803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420620463313854,0.0,0.07897116038419087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490289824545782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993650591953847,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Baphometted,2019/06/24,"Its hard to tell when I have a crush/In love I would guess this might be a common thing, I find it really hard to tell when I am in love/Have a crush. With the thing of fear of commitment and my feelings towards people changing very quickly and my own mood changing quickly. There are some guys I have dated who I have thrown myself into the relationship thinking I would learn to love them overtime and that maybe I am just not feeling the love feeling because I am having a weird mood day, but it never comes so I break it off. While other times I get an intense love feeling from the beginning and it fades fast and never comes back. I have felt not much love towards others but as soon as I break it off I regret it and cry a lot. I have lost guys I really love because my fear of commitment tells me to break it off cause its going to deep and too far and is getting to a commited stage and I get terrified. I just want to be loved but I cant love and I hate this. I am dating a guy right now who is my perfect type in looks and personality but for some reason I feel no love and I hate it, I am scared why dont I feel love for this guy that is literally my perfect guy, I dont want to break it off since he really likes me and I am scared I just cant love anyone so this is the best I can get. I dont like being like this",2.424453879453882,3.3051851783216786,3.9969530469530485,90.66341491841492,74.83916083916084,6.986080586080586,22.709956709956714,7.2636822038024595,0.5699369297369299,1035,26,241,11,21,346,127,286,0.139,0.593,0.268,0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,4,14,28,2,4,13,0,29,11,0,2,7,55,63,24,0,5,9,0,9,3,0,3,0,0,0,6,24,17,0,0,11,0,0,3,10,9,0,0,2,10,39,17,26,55,6,38,0,2,1,11,25,12,0,5,21,174,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045740076381668916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030052320604498,0.0,0.07975342917170898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864958816028946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719979355672845,0.138401964791564,0.11269941505634568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185591445010454,0.042187620670809764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999962648358965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722136983377626,0.19845641788187274,0.0,0.06280919042022085,0.0,0.05978863130230822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367077082623237,0.0,0.03717716687069664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206260780481734,0.3238584156591169,0.0,0.0,0.11719897501551388,0.1291686332078911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587620632997176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549325900767424,0.0,0.0714088046906932,0.055613964774022105,0.7084810983254858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571871649490993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939556531658403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808795903951525,0.0,0.10090501605425192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535090859437525,0.057118338604061465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572063696319216,0.06725808451224527,0.0,0.07023182396587542,0.0,0.055864525737261035,0.0,0.0,0.13098476288665495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054112422298822835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715282326503182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869183748084917,0.041915645673244,0.0,0.0,0.038144335626605824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397468296525579,0.07716757727875583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902736279482169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293866547148567,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashleywhite817,2019/06/24,"Explaining BPD to SO? My SO is very supportive and loving in the best way he knows how.  Yet he’s not helping me how I need. Then again I’m not too sure what I need, other than for him to be upfront and honest with me. How did you or do you go about explaining and helping your SO understand? That way they won’t leave. 
He’s a simple man, not the intelligent type. He struggles with comprehension and memory.
I first sent him articles via phone, but he never read them only to learn he can’t see that well on his phone or at least enough to read an article. He would rather have it on paper.  Printed out articles but he never read them. In his defense, he’s not a “reader” and his life is hectic. He says he wants to learn and understand but isn’t putting up the effort. Then again, maybe I’m not doing enough to accommodate his style of learning. I don’t know! 
I’m at a loss because I fully believe if he doesn’t understand even in the simplest way then we won’t last. He won’t be able to handle me and my emotions. He will leave the same as everyone else.",1.8096575342465755,3.674133561643835,3.497851598173515,89.48787328767123,78.68036529680366,6.937077625570778,22.36552511415525,7.908726449838941,0.9857486757990864,826,25,180,14,20,275,121,219,0.062,0.8690000000000001,0.069,0.6579,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,3,3,4,14,9,1,1,9,0,17,2,0,3,3,45,35,23,0,6,12,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,5,11,0,1,10,3,0,3,14,3,1,1,2,2,23,6,23,26,5,25,0,1,1,1,37,9,0,3,10,119,28,8,0.12709245374973746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747438017633276,0.0,0.0,0.14318967370581254,0.13337568922906212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600684964155352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616943696043744,0.14296190429184447,0.0,0.26264095735569737,0.0,0.0839433670642231,0.0,0.0,0.12144228598532665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810477623431657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222957031272179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037478550900392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969337765209666,0.10359731260987506,0.0,0.2691451156386481,0.0,0.0,0.08976915865382835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470590152982275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768145217844504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847488814559246,0.1960430706660875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665953808197908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776301918975586,0.0,0.0,0.3813805403180381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106902033936503,0.0,0.0,0.10127623092308376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328646273893772,0.0,0.0,0.1442230104014855,0.11978313358171892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969231795287731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486458454204303,0.07496242207352796,0.3026402223592745,0.0,0.0,0.1142713791111122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028283268317552,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aterrible_username,2019/06/24,"I identified my mania I’ve just identified my moments of mania and I didn’t realise how often they actually occur until now. I always wondered what it meant to feel maniac. Not understanding what it means to just go off and think you’re invincible. All the while experiencing those exact moments. 

It’s good thing to know and understand because it means I’ll no longer feel annoyed when the good times don’t last because I’ll know the cycle will come round again. 

BPD maybe a little hard to figure out or even predict. However, those of us who have been able to understand their symptoms as they present themselves, well it helps bring a little bit of predictability. 

Even just a little bit is enough to keep the wheels rolling.",5.768455882352942,7.488603639705888,5.852235294117651,77.32805882352943,67.75,8.675294117647061,29.776470588235288,9.120678840339163,2.585537647058823,589,22,103,11,10,186,92,136,0.066,0.8340000000000001,0.1,0.6901,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,3,0,11,5,2,0,7,0,6,1,0,1,2,28,22,9,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,13,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,3,5,9,3,13,18,4,18,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,10,66,20,0,0.13818783709256324,0.0,0.134851395167193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498335045783635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847604575698896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017306555381165,0.0,0.17404274332351716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903658566793088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278497565391032,0.0,0.1825435262382141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974384502785744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853533235965918,0.2318108029514368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378915917756028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262439432855504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228276989554527,0.0,0.0,0.1518888426838461,0.11264153091536595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41550154804241307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882825606719645,0.30105413149282584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363007391698884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918058586536184,0.08854518622860955,0.0,0.0,0.0805784390858222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315752356075481,0.16622295340274246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424746123828405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985881462841205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Greeneyedgirl17,2019/06/24,"Book recommendation The body keeps a score, all about how trauma effects everything else and everything is connected. Very enlightening, I read it one night and underlined every other word :)",10.562,12.801935866666668,9.533333333333337,53.430000000000035,57.0,14.0,38.33333333333333,13.023866798666859,6.349333333333334,156,7,20,6,2,49,28,30,0.079,0.735,0.18600000000000005,0.5849,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35694889648479466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684478105832129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707523646440375,0.0,0.5776197290480455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285631837169374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30156646468281684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775598536550025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321438303333852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651485110401371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emlovesfood,2019/06/24,"DAE get so mad at someone who is the epitome of the Black Plague that your brain starts trying to rationalise murdering them? I live with one of the most toxic men I’ve ever met and it’s gotten to a point where I fantasise about him not being alive anymore. I will NOT murder him,  don’t worry, I’m far too compassionate and have a high guilt complex. But I can hear a certain part of my brain trying to convince me that I would be doing the world a favour if he was dead. It’s not strong enough to actually convince me to murder him, but it’s there and it’s getting louder. Anyone else experience this?",4.561402439024392,5.12497273170732,5.659908536585367,81.86839939024391,69.65040650406505,8.426422764227643,26.757113821138212,8.472884824447931,1.6943991869918702,478,14,97,7,8,159,86,123,0.125,0.765,0.11,-0.4259,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,1,1,6,11,4,1,8,0,10,2,2,0,2,15,17,7,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,2,13,6,11,10,3,8,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,2,2,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.20180982698927627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509293592917605,0.1446014163403447,0.2118940395647365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617209251210748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275731077850873,0.0,0.0,0.2136827075289612,0.0,0.0,0.18706508894050503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229294689920832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160919898168016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23308193092329454,0.0,0.0,0.21849864872083613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261077508191675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401350167689562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394741927143014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549561248641475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752234506116791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637617753068252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280811227733718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001841281762065,0.0,0.14690686727126065,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadtransboi,2019/06/24,"long vent I'm really tired cw for suicide and substance abuse

I feel like no matter what i do in life my paranoid thoughts get in my way. i try to work around them but all i get then is intrusive thoughts that i can't control and high levels of anxiety. I'll be trying my hardest in college one minute and be on the verge of failing the next. I live on my own and am pretty much broke until my financial aid comes in and I'm scared to lose it because if how badly I've been doing in school. I've tried so hard to get a job but my anxiety and physical health issues get in the way. 

I have a boyfriend and we're in a long distance relationship atm. He lives in a completely different country and time zone. I love him but I'm constantly struggling to think whether he feels the same even though he has said he loves me and talks to me everyday despite the time difference. I get angry and jealous of everyone who can see him irl because I can't. Even when he talks to some of my other friends online I dunno get so jealous it know its fucking irrational but i feel like shit. then i want to isolate myself and distance even more. he's the only person I've ever even felt romantic attraction too and sometimes its really nice when we're talking together then i go crazy in my head with thoughts when we aren't (which is most of the day we usually talk in the morning and night). maybe its stupid to be in an online relationship with such a time difference, but i do like him. i think the fact that we mainly communicate in text makes it easier for me to be honest about my feelings. but im even too scared to voice call or something with him im too scared of talking and just. being a complete fucking mess lol

I've tried to make social connections irl i guess. but i mistrust other people so much so easily and think they're going to hurt me. can't feel like i can build close relationships I don't want anyone to know how im really like.

i ended up abusing drugs for the past couple of months. first was a suicide attempt with prescription meds, i didn't go to the hospital until a few days later because I didn't trust myself to be alone anymore. thanks to that I'm getting professional support but its still so hard to not relapse. Second i took a high dose of Vyvanse (,was prescribed them for adhd awhile back but stopped taking them bc i dont like how stimulants feel) before a job interview and jerked off all night. i threw out the pills afterwards because the comedown was so bad and i hated myself for using them. i impulsively had unprotected sex with a hookup from grindr couple of days ago. weed helped calm me down until now i use it until i get so high that i cant get myself out of bed to be productive and make myself feel shittier. so fuck that

tldr;what the fuck am i doing. i feel like im getting better for a bit then spiral downwards into emptiness and nothing mattering. im scared of the few friends i have now knowing im like this. im scared of worrying my bf. i dont want to be honest with therapists thats why im venting on here like a dumbass",3.7699163879598654,5.009807474358976,4.942101449275366,83.79130434782611,72.01282051282051,8.054292084726868,27.98829431438127,8.522441849386874,1.9673831939799329,2440,90,490,41,46,806,288,624,0.222,0.637,0.141,-0.9962,3,1,2,0,1,2,37.0,3,0,4,7,33,45,10,6,29,1,36,15,2,10,4,91,95,54,2,4,14,0,11,9,3,0,6,2,1,1,20,34,0,2,18,0,1,6,12,23,0,3,14,14,66,22,71,73,13,75,0,4,1,7,37,29,5,6,47,305,86,8,0.0,0.11778973016802607,0.0,0.0,0.059738355537848585,0.0,0.044062404659822536,0.0,0.0,0.051481634433940535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605169387247518,0.0,0.049296153255392126,0.03475640713106756,0.0,0.0,0.044249917435706936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03822174341964275,0.08300681686508543,0.12120411130321498,0.0,0.042297138273374335,0.0,0.0,0.04396195007395667,0.054267352657042064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507565754161014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281832326258782,0.10423403840833056,0.053715789065411884,0.055750814822320915,0.0,0.11000007036207912,0.0,0.09617103222722287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580023061727655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651285977098225,0.0,0.057644533096286026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440257963661124,0.0,0.0,0.16415557603787734,0.044962978619259464,0.0,0.04749732851679825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106749859415,0.14204324102762628,0.04772667574059464,0.0,0.0,0.04228089111939725,0.0,0.0,0.07680726831663935,0.18381390082305987,0.25969943330837764,0.0,0.08474918605003147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475804882552519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905571685086873,0.049075536810168185,0.05101389417628116,0.052836394436632884,0.0,0.0,0.03331766646453758,0.15755505412177606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053212550671465686,0.0,0.4295381638843312,0.05188136834220988,0.09865338722320527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195327759349598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035109642285329215,0.2185597002668461,0.0,0.08778467882124168,0.08797855774876301,0.0,0.05560960561684357,0.0,0.0,0.08972531838598277,0.0,0.09953976048201707,0.0,0.04993753065842504,0.0,0.055213457200624615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039675786711329965,0.0,0.07308097470293334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286413634773954,0.0932936185256853,0.0,0.04769536764188916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368286299960601,0.03780454062859498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745111567885035,0.03446069109542717,0.04340238119865812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057005920161206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095531052607097,0.0,0.0,0.16010068590268292,0.0,0.0,0.04728289893683253,0.0,0.2488277298045484,0.050306307054861145,0.039610176735952136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102369293063164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067019729947808,0.0,0.03826700586629049,0.049161659476740865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039696208021657055,0.04155741760923195,0.0,0.051964723853582084,0.0,0.1087431464708052,0.05640710440470999,0.0,0.0,0.037373603682432865,0.1997636910413052,0.0,0.045763681288802836,0.0,0.057713852424351876,0.0,0.09555103717085332,0.04883703950318763,0.11838581549461825,0.08695394697550507,0.05713107660101775,0.0,0.0,0.055226491843236206,0.13499161495232095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586206585183577,0.054745422214229705,0.0,0.08795572543993734,0.07891047146204168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04485298704031584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03618740980984119,0.05048004124474981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bluntSwordsSuffer,2019/06/24,"Just tell me to be stable today please. I am highly emotionally unbalanced and already doing stupid things. Title says it all really. Had to  tell off an aggressive beggar who targets old and disabled people on public transport with the tissue scam (leave out a pack of tissues then strong arm anyone naive enough to take them). I hate confrontation so arrived in work rattled.

Then my boss texts me and says I didn't do work I did do but which the software didn't save. I sent him back a message that while polite was a massive emotional over-reaction. 

Then my colleague wanted to gossip with me about legitimate grievances she has with another worker. I hate gossip so that led to another confrontation were I explained that I can't engage in gossip for religious reasons (half true but mostly I just hate gossip and where it leads).

You know us guys. I'm now primed to interpret something negatively, completely over-react and make a fool of myself. I'm desperately trying to calm down and keep it together. 

Just tell me to calm the fuck down please guys. I know I'm not balanced right now.",4.8887163141118535,7.123558399014781,5.284792813677196,78.44179947841207,70.92118226600985,8.126224282816576,27.704723268617787,8.841846274778883,2.4025006664734856,877,32,148,17,17,279,131,203,0.237,0.6759999999999999,0.087,-0.9862,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,1,5,10,19,8,0,8,0,13,2,1,5,2,31,28,14,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,9,10,0,1,5,0,1,4,5,13,0,1,7,2,22,6,22,20,3,23,0,0,0,1,21,10,1,1,9,101,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461247636477687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777002316460017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258860892695267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182001956192792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883605089950868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979012004656832,0.0,0.13682151352712146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241680587455768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622260614079925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922012711321379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990517139794206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769775914570067,0.0,0.0,0.14554515451442415,0.0,0.0,0.1402098227590592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838895920395573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894871177047755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180084233548406,0.0,0.0,0.2907068338932494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482932117487987,0.1361460884349532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308286158546678,0.0,0.21060563398430465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019405955166272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956063532385626,0.0,0.3472132473122949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797155634981581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551524139895187,0.0,0.0,0.08990202725863798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928059631873853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810260934945151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280139758564527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heels_over_head700,2019/06/24,"What do you do when the person you want doesn't want you? The person who I have deep feelings for just doesn't like me in the same way. Like I'm good enough to have sex with but not invest any feelings in. I hate how I always fall so deeply for people and always end up breaking my own heart, he made it clear from the beginning that it was just a friends with benifits kind of deal I've told him how I felt and he said its just not going to happen yet I still try my hardest to be liked by him, I've stopped my meds because I embassed him while I was drunk and I know that it was because of my meds. I spend every single night with him even if we aren't having sex. I wish he would just tell me to go away because I know its better for me but I can't leave the situation myself because in my head maybe he will come around even though logically I know he won't. Has anyone else been in this situation? I really don't think I could handle it when he leaves but I know it's gonna happen, any advise?",2.84375,3.4589836527777815,3.9565555555555565,92.34400000000002,73.58333333333333,6.685925925925926,21.807407407407407,6.42735559955562,0.14064296296296286,783,16,185,5,15,255,122,216,0.071,0.8220000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.7114,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,3,0,1,15,8,1,0,6,0,20,5,2,3,1,39,43,14,0,6,10,0,3,3,1,4,0,1,0,2,12,9,1,1,9,1,2,4,8,1,0,0,8,4,33,7,21,29,4,23,0,0,0,2,23,8,0,1,12,120,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546654228556198,0.0,0.0,0.1597489836096945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212836109247515,0.12034813098756962,0.0,0.10456124488838456,0.0,0.0,0.11035430904064396,0.0,0.0,0.2864017267799003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038807865377994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011784302394356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377950944590184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109256078351048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811988817307103,0.0,0.10403165343600344,0.12136402953239872,0.0,0.15515790655048586,0.0,0.09896222168380316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877913665118435,0.08391099334484096,0.11277672183392433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074665058226096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350654509949345,0.09851699384506203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207732904650149,0.0,0.0,0.11596404060849633,0.1205443216798412,0.0,0.0,0.13918659479076256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223129375109488,0.2582042249851983,0.0,0.0,0.2487390854171449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215003376776755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114024157189027,0.0,0.0,0.1180009065527282,0.0,0.2609355295578584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022502931628203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142959285488592,0.2051170837028436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524568304267945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117280903845804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640522000905414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938009643548712,0.09819894750947904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266221472180098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526142402018485,0.11540047853277835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223478113388374,0.0,0.0797452974314383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855785019897898,0.09323155396604643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506925283406634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834377736233289,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sabotageandshame,2019/06/24,"I joined a BPD group for people who love us, the entire thing was them bashing the partners with BPD, no articles of support, no loving advice. Just paragraph after paragraph how life is better without us. Went there for my partner to have support, instead made to feel like we’re not human 🤬😭 I get we’re hard to deal with, but non of us asked for this bullshit. We all know it sucks, Shit.... half of us do t even know what it is till later in life. I found at 34, that means 30 years of my life total fucking pain and chaos. And to see a support group that bashes all of us instead of actually being supportive.... you know what, fuck that, just cause we’re broken doesn’t fucking mean we don’t deserve love too. I may be chaos but I’m epic in my own right and yes, it’s hard to deal with us but you know what we all have a piece of magic that others wish they had. And if people focused on that instead of bashing maybe we’d heal faster and get help faster. Rant over 🙄",1.4899973944762903,3.392904836633665,2.692949452840022,94.69147212089634,79.84158415841584,4.846690984887963,21.027618551328818,5.399115186594226,-0.1488851485148519,755,21,166,3,19,242,120,202,0.18100000000000002,0.669,0.15,-0.8868,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,10,2,2,1,9,15,5,0,5,1,13,12,1,3,4,36,40,11,0,2,8,0,3,1,2,1,5,0,0,3,15,11,0,0,8,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,5,4,21,9,27,31,6,13,0,0,1,6,27,6,5,2,7,108,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.08375949637340344,0.0,0.0,0.0838738825954184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024118579759681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591128917429414,0.0,0.0,0.21620440055736004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817294517508972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769777204208601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669112212365787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339915825974292,0.06131828505538605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411018448748956,0.0,0.2380504644839531,0.08968718970431358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377694263146935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575312744167939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868374260666346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187670500357606,0.041933102454110915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23239976543791646,0.0812161642017867,0.0,0.0,0.08622962184536005,0.1869920767501716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133113145388216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900998397433253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329992406756003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839686536628507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810515234837403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896038284695824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057022861909742324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6194708261839583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956697742121943,0.0,0.0,0.09870238233816,0.08273883274536213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552728921230083
bpd,ripponlea,2019/06/24,"How do you cope when you feel awful and feeling awful prevents you from connecting with the people close to you? I've been feeling really depressed lately and have been in a really negative cycle, triggered by PMS onset, that I can't seem to get out of. I feel like I can't respond properly to my bf when I am feeling like this, and when I do express how I feel, I can tell it is annoying and a massive downer so then I just feel even more alone in how I feel.. and people say things like, ""you just need to stop being stressed and relax"" etc which makes me feel like I can only properly connect with him when I am in a good mood and he doesn't understand the extent to how awful I feel which in turn makes me feel more isolated and withdrawn and resentful and I feel like I can't keep internalising it but then it'd be so annoying for someone else to hear about how someone is depressed and feel like they can't say anything to make it feel better 

I don't even meet the criteria for bpd but relate a lot to some of the stuff here 

so now this is just eating me and I don't know how to cope with it when I feel like I really need to be supported and have someone be emotionally present with me instead of trying to fix it straight away 

holy fuck I feel so crazy again
The frequency of these depression/bad mood bouts aren't even that frequent and a lot of the time I am agreeable but now I feel like how like I am crazy similar to how I felt back when some people thought I had BPD",8.338621378621381,5.324360714285717,8.438311688311689,76.76263236763239,63.61038961038962,11.944455544455545,36.354645354645356,10.035473477838034,3.2468733266733256,1172,39,252,19,13,386,135,308,0.131,0.732,0.136,-0.3192,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,1,1,31,22,4,1,11,3,29,3,0,12,0,69,62,37,0,2,6,0,18,9,1,0,1,3,0,0,15,20,1,3,22,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,21,36,13,32,52,8,25,0,2,0,1,16,8,1,5,26,179,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763855900661115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069221618247327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929312165932264,0.056711300186307115,0.0615804524804389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522830002930581,0.0,0.0,0.18577797400899992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704624395031994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546745957149288,0.061610945757194065,0.08296189923237686,0.0,0.0,0.08225379439094757,0.14613895626470988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6339571741597511,0.3688227768052113,0.07081419089398255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818321441765661,0.038532759635962484,0.0,0.0,0.06186029434974195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312469173306679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655548189725875,0.0,0.0,0.04053257396650647,0.0,0.08319629672488864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242867452271297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540387454543395,0.0,0.0,0.1476915685187639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937343592071988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609227785491036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339257886933694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174367040334265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730226905473275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714171934087962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747135728801004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166058829733272,0.08448350794754064,0.0,0.08442923557778954,0.0,0.0836937288656461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446314055496666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048998039496316224,0.0,0.0,0.058551432767853365,0.043005812469714466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007326532795694,0.08022179627941131,0.0,0.07677919742833016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ursulamurphy,2019/06/24,"How to Kill Feelings of Inadequacy 

1. Choose to like, love, value, and believe in yourself. Choose to be your greatest ally – and the best friend you could have.  

2. Ask a good friend if they’ll tell you what they like about you most. Then believe what they are saying – don’t just push their words aside.  

3. Commit to discovering what you’re good at and enjoy, then invest time in developing those attributes and traits.  

4. Don’t exalt others’ gifts as if they matter more than yours. Every talent is important. Don’t right off your personal strengths.  

5. Learn to show yourself compassion when you struggle or you fail. Remember “you are human” - so you’re going to make mistakes.  

6. Notice ways that you are growing … ways you’re changing over time. Give yourself some credit – you are different; you have changed. 

this isn’t mine but wanted to share 
via Counselling Blog tumblr, check it out :-)",2.9586809815950907,5.927966877300611,3.0081319018404926,88.01182975460121,82.68098159509202,5.2231901840490815,22.260429447852758,6.742157984588678,0.7598272392638039,703,23,125,8,20,213,113,163,0.057,0.7120000000000001,0.231,0.9704,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,12,5,3,6,17,1,1,2,0,14,1,0,3,1,26,21,14,1,5,5,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,8,5,0,0,5,2,3,3,4,4,0,0,0,2,18,13,17,18,5,17,0,1,0,1,27,7,0,5,7,77,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825641079784197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814471171540812,0.17765167989484415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35815716022300964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515840815474334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686432198096344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426279197798061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559438584518189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615746853559403,0.0,0.0,0.16239132720373742,0.0962072217081507,0.28397248275158504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872861526011208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540588781290227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278418592183254,0.0,0.11299747232753607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272940017795465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781106599097854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176422401906235,0.1445664440197471,0.0,0.1346203446250084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769709636798055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796048306739615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742012979647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099847283169254,0.268737349945576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Phyrixxangel,2019/06/24,"Unwilling Going Off My Meds, Help! So background info, I have BPD and ADHD. I recently moved states, and lost my insurance. This new state insurance was supposed to be kicked in weeks ago, but hasn’t yet. I take *prescribed* Adderall and Zoloft daily but I just ran out. I have no more. I am TERRIFIED.  

I am a mom, and currently living with my toddler son and my husband/ex-husband (it’s complicated). He also happens to be my favorite person. 

The adderall and Zoloft really was the winning combination to help balance me out. The worst part of ADHD and BPD is not having any filter or any time to stop yourself from expressing the whirlwind of emotions I experience. My adhd medication really helped me develop a sort of filtering system so I didn’t cause fights or do the endless list of other harmful BPD behaviors. 

I am so scared of how I’m going to be going (abruptly) off my medication. How do I explain this to my FP? That I’m not going to be myself? That I’ve lost my tools for coping and controlling myself? I’m so scared I’m going to lose all of the progress he and I have made in our relationship just because I won’t be able to control myself without medication.",2.3005263157894724,4.8870018245614055,4.424694736842107,79.58346315789477,81.19298245614036,7.156771929824562,27.102456140350874,8.238735603445708,2.313109614035088,928,41,165,20,25,318,125,228,0.168,0.759,0.073,-0.9784,1,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,0,0,7,10,9,1,2,8,0,20,5,0,6,1,32,36,20,0,0,9,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,12,0,3,2,0,0,7,7,8,0,0,7,0,28,1,25,23,4,25,0,3,0,0,13,6,0,3,9,117,34,0,0.10689422274653028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853982491370063,0.0,0.09475527883646327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548327131058131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538347405345614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516172602997992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038885946187759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980981212950942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978192042096896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024161302080565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456306123929908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037522508259152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452620815116486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149468328204665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943895570781319,0.0,0.0,0.11958729277012158,0.23337534276376434,0.0,0.0,0.10114589815694576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873538389385276,0.3230540507235998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251932217528885,0.0,0.11361164197843275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323910642866176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575602646852926,0.0,0.0,0.09333591219989228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695835254886846,0.0,0.1055451491470792,0.11476439118365965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403952963441453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936835662254984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037115235523007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623308809040701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574409772714651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304221619842102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pDaaa,2019/06/24,"Hi people, I will finish my dialectical behavioral therapy on Wednesday. AMA Hi,
On wednesday I will finish my 12 weeks of DBT. If u have any questions about skills or anything regarding BPD, feel free to ask me.
English isn't my native language so be gentle :).",2.7837500000000013,5.735146541666674,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,83.58333333333334,6.533333333333335,28.83333333333333,7.793537801064563,2.5290583333333334,206,10,33,4,6,68,40,48,0.0,0.8690000000000001,0.131,0.7564,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,5,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,5,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476163960052279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996425300703524,0.0,0.34040622276720506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586006712626556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411173000035208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524373157849161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079015377360741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164068376705471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920778251606424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scungy666,2019/06/24,"Does anyone else get into a toxic relationship after the good loving one has ended? I fucked up an amazing relationship and hurt a wonderful person, my soulmate who means everything to me and he never wants me again, it still hurts so much but a month and a half later(short time for me) ive gotten myself in a relationship with someone who is demented and abusive, anyone else or am i just fucked?",6.103200000000001,7.235676920000002,6.9373333333333385,72.04200000000003,66.46666666666667,9.2,29.666666666666664,9.3871,2.772466666666667,319,11,53,6,5,106,58,75,0.21899999999999997,0.649,0.132,-0.8912,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,7,0,4,3,0,0,1,13,12,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,8,3,7,11,1,10,0,2,0,3,8,3,2,2,7,42,11,0,0.0,0.18669560654523848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035430428142053,0.3228997671763469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789125025428953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632603330559929,0.0,0.13956094040598566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416144556352828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913432916151026,0.08232422835471173,0.0,0.0,0.13216289324331013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33736555501933724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221377971271407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716407714151235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577149221183906,0.0,0.11583265263973748,0.0,0.12152829843136878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677403758241408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758472613583916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075161411826332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350920942035618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583622737869152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188078818607176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293932777054624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087878793511654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AndroidsDreamOf,2019/06/24,"No FP I've always had an FP ever since I was probably in middle school. A year ago, my ex and former FP and I stopped speaking to each other, and since then I haven't met anybody who I clicked with. I think it's a combination of my classes getting much harder so I can't socialize and meet new people like I used to, and therapy making me wise enough to avoid people I know won't be good for me (which are the type I usually get hooked on). It's been nice not constantly thinking and yearning for someone else, but my life also feels more profoundly dull than it ever has, which just makes me feel that much more lonely. Plus, moving on from former FPs has almost always involved finding a new one, which means when I really hit low points I end up think about my ex again which is the last thing I want. FPs usually crash and burn for me, but it's been so long since I've felt excited about someone that I'd honestly just welcome it and hope for the best.

Not really sure what I'm looking for, but I'm wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar and what they did to curb the loneliness? Or is this a sign that I'm past needing an FP and this is just a growing pain?",6.767641770401106,5.391454170124488,7.274035269709548,78.68195193637624,65.39004149377594,10.688934993084374,32.94640387275242,9.725611199111238,2.8172071922544952,929,31,193,16,12,307,145,241,0.126,0.7509999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.1793,0,3,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,16,0,1,11,0,16,2,0,3,3,48,39,21,0,5,10,2,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,19,13,0,3,10,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,7,7,21,10,20,29,7,28,0,4,2,0,10,7,0,5,20,124,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786589352992842,0.0,0.1218493662089598,0.0,0.0,0.09731098420058544,0.2025023655279336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508457357301383,0.0,0.10013590689256198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277002881639728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149762544596327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165171608425616,0.0,0.10777627549064672,0.125732530912673,0.0,0.0,0.2201410432307088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305459474537993,0.0,0.11683612285161045,0.0,0.11121735251211287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715017094183725,0.0,0.0,0.10206311558517564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086008237589925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668745731845275,0.09918904074470247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594930226484936,0.05944885956110341,0.0,0.0,0.10768687973693253,0.10218426315995276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245058629975484,0.0,0.0,0.132550002971104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933127766481892,0.17890409516296582,0.09022745324498124,0.0,0.2350471361364129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245651008265467,0.0,0.12948079892968256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616154477284495,0.16872130630929896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503110581331738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119638239440148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590830669779754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315112628456792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019758212391202,0.0,0.0,0.12404193891010355,0.20620562305138515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173362116352183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146861228158222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915673558294298,0.0,0.08084171957355689,0.23391138276988915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050962665898126,0.2680363874555212,0.0,0.07177262179930323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196155937634424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836077487833494
bpd,Coloraveo,2019/06/24,"I much prefer my solitude Me being alone has always made sense. 
I aspire to live in a remote place, away from the chaos.
Somewhere I can be with my thoughts. 
Away from the constantly changing trends and the people who change with them.
I can't rely on others for support who can't even keep their own head above water. 
I want to go somewhere and take the memory of me with me.",3.4715999999999987,5.116423560000001,3.9170000000000016,89.24350000000004,73.4,6.066666666666666,21.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.3691333333333331,297,7,59,2,6,93,55,75,0.078,0.867,0.055,-0.4019,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,6,2,1,1,0,10,13,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,12,1,13,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306599216152262,0.0,0.0,0.18531218126898924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184858949595161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47119433405933,0.0,0.0,0.2406698977521091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709755320680434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657096604251564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285642435670392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979544753484304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665660733739398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073315516433186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371713992659914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543987558723928,0.0,0.23268407188281315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527281509919304,0.0,0.0,0.167449860336702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680650082042046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135985909446982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Romhael,2019/06/24,"BPD in need of major advice My boyfriend called me thinking about breaking up today saying that he hasn’t been happy for a long time, after we just spent a nice weekend together. His saying this was following 2 major dissociative and panic episodes I had over other issues. He now says he wants me to “change” and improve and make us work, but now I can’t help but feel like he could leave any moment. We’ve been together for 3 years, and I know that I can be a lot but I just don’t know what to do. Feel free to ask clarifying questions.",4.677182175622542,5.171176403669727,5.422306684141547,83.92174311926607,69.36697247706422,8.06343381389253,26.580602883355173,7.957251820313856,1.4340474442988205,424,12,87,5,7,138,78,109,0.032,0.8059999999999999,0.162,0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,0,11,0,0,1,0,21,22,7,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,6,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,5,5,11,5,11,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,2,10,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252384899245336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702000245457476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461848225321078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524879341278465,0.0,0.1907280644849341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759344790825625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913238570720258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188887915128746,0.13343902840306635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988357884860664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519784847265306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495470065934709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530397471280776,0.0,0.0,0.19777802979597212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125357051895082,0.0,0.0,0.16529858346466073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879767412401855,0.0,0.0,0.12468023896667695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384984897645261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915160274024464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924161388475684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44561607596771735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196840949816038,0.0,0.0,0.10891566179687914,0.0,0.17705005729811898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467899826663373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017045664199683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598148762346632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028322408657902
bpd,dorianfinch,2019/06/24,"Rewriting and revising memories As I've been doing therapy more hardcore (twice a week now after a mental breakdown I had) I'm starting to become way more mindful/sensitive to my own thought processes.

A really emotional event (hanging out with my ex for the first time after the breakdown and subsequent breakup) happened and immediately after I was giddy, optimistic, felt they still loved me (as a friend) and weren't mad at me for my breakdown etc., and suddenly felt everything was going to be okay. The way they smiled at me instantly made me feel relieved, that maybe things weren't so bleak or bad, that people still care about me.

The day after, I started to fill with doubt--perhaps more realistic thinking? That I was being too hopeful of us remaining close, and perhaps they were feeling awkward like I was but being gentle and hiding it.

The day after that, my anxiety and depression set in. I remembered their smile again but this time felt it must have been out of pity, that they don't really care about me but are just worried that I'll kill myself so they're being fake sweet.

Then I caught myself and realized I've rewritten this same event three times over due to the intense emotion I happened to be in, and that perhaps none of these are accurate and are being colored by my irrational feelings. 

And although I am still scared and sad and confused and lost and tortured by my inability to know how life will turn out, I did feel a bit better, knowing that I'm starting to catch myself when I spiral or catastrophize----to remain calm and not react to those emotional impulses. Not to immediately resume overly stifling affection because of the euphoria of seeing their face again, not to lash out in fear and act defensive when I felt doubt, not to beat myself up or blame them when I felt depressed.

So I guess you could say I think this is progress???? Here goes nothing",10.626324786324778,8.347129809116813,9.672752136752138,67.39169230769231,58.60113960113962,12.77880341880342,41.91851851851853,11.20814326018867,4.680272022792024,1517,65,259,30,15,480,195,351,0.179,0.679,0.142,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,1,1,7,5,18,27,4,5,12,1,28,3,1,4,1,64,60,35,1,3,11,1,9,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,16,25,0,1,16,0,0,6,8,16,0,3,20,13,40,11,44,31,8,51,0,5,2,1,13,13,0,7,30,196,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576933099104421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269863117197335,0.06037705381163376,0.10938767659194824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759745842744304,0.10813174029690603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196642904517792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907955796083843,0.0,0.0,0.12775196100682934,0.0,0.17061502549968233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342376629072726,0.0,0.0,0.11046161453576613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901546758971737,0.0,0.0,0.11145342163957353,0.2003209800700477,0.0,0.4754947729836359,0.0,0.0,0.08424782330801882,0.0,0.0,0.07652210015676783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056289687553958766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091094889442453,0.0,0.17517074220921566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837426307803852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095788738716585,0.0,0.1088653379405294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995857611679232,0.048388497138072036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081195702357043,0.0,0.08939218840364133,0.0937189928492418,0.0,0.0,0.09950424761552996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981429765474348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950365708792128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866549255741311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690182298104305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121989395640751,0.0,0.0,0.07876474346526095,0.0991615553017128,0.0,0.0789262260680911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031417389465465,0.0,0.2372929494292976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326685408620316,0.0,0.06580125077422551,0.1269283701351144,0.0,0.0786308503432547,0.17326221294721905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077327703068046,0.0,0.0,0.11913921836463498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723498916125309,0.07944811038492229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058524034792887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spacecadet7090,2019/06/24,"how do you deal with taking trips away from your significant other? Took a four day trip to visit my parents, away from my boyfriend. Being at home gives me A LOT of time for rumination, and a lot of reminders of my bad past relationships and my less than stellar childhood. I literally feel like I am having withdrawals from him. I just called him crying. I miss him so much right now. How do I deal with this?",3.3009107142857133,5.350207412500005,4.059642857142858,86.31250000000004,74.875,6.571428571428572,23.92857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.9677321428571432,323,10,65,4,7,103,58,80,0.107,0.8390000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.644,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,10,10,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,15,1,14,8,4,13,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,2,6,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862003510412777,0.0,0.17160716529810546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986690867940933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22576268639758984,0.13254845684245056,0.4237803660739236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392105362685074,0.14682913321519894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716103639553131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616118580298395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041052323625643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34946484738768485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510866140834762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282143487957509,0.0,0.1961995835863719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065998840149192,0.0,0.1755196562633544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453136084814348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984493897010445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834899764872355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fer33646,2019/06/24,"Looking for books recommendations for people diagnosed with BPD Hello lovely people!

​

My partner is dealing with BPD, and I've already read ""I hate you, don't leave me"",  ""Stop walking on eggshells"", ""Borderline Personality Disorder Made Simple for Beginners"" and  ""I Love You, But I Hate You, But I Need You"" to help me navigate the stormy days.

​

Now she's going to therapy of course, but on top of that, she's trying to get a better understanding of her own condition in a broader sense.  I find the books I've read useful to get some high-level understanding and ways to deal with it, but at times the wording can be harsh and unfair, so I'm doubtful on how useful those books would be for her.

​

So I'm reaching out to this lovely community again searching for recommendations:

As someone with BPD, is there any resource that you've found useful to help you understand the bigger picture of it while not being so harsh you'd stop reading it?

​

suggestions are much appreciated,

Thanks!",10.984838709677419,8.880160682795703,10.162446236559138,63.61366935483871,57.76344086021506,12.740860215053766,42.06720430107527,11.20814326018867,4.726539784946239,821,35,136,16,8,263,111,186,0.114,0.672,0.214,0.9687,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,6,0,2,7,8,2,1,6,0,10,4,0,5,0,31,31,14,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,7,9,0,2,5,6,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,1,18,5,27,24,3,19,0,0,1,3,21,8,0,2,8,87,25,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103242636553716,0.0,0.0,0.3575219695419052,0.4009492323376831,0.05609766797154133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295783347276817,0.0,0.0,0.31168890998003945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320078038951327,0.170092106132056,0.0,0.08372806027493168,0.0,0.0,0.0945434493182297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539656878313884,0.0,0.0,0.0904486703178638,0.0,0.0,0.08619775954620022,0.0,0.04688233796414897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628883539588037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105858478767063,0.08715776091272733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734755182773547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927284863263262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233578637691151,0.07805631346249689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060641413465900865,0.06116707717864225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437970144941748,0.07202919102738307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754420255758885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989555177628637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793469800097732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594792844613259,0.09433726076939053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810198798860093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600693183163581,0.0,0.0,0.25763252595723896,0.0,0.21374086994006344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654786358032355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058600241644630825,0.0,0.4009492323376831,0.0
bpd,reluctant_spinster,2019/06/24,"Is Splitting Common In Other Mental Health Disorders Or Is It Primarily A BPD Thing? I've had issues with relationships my entire life.  Mostly it's due to my habit of splitting.  I will straight up LOVE someone and then they do something that could even just slightly rub me the wrong way and boom...I hate them and we're done.  Sadly this doesn't discriminate either.  It can be lovers, friends and even family.  I've been diagnosed with a bunch of stuff, but BPD wasn't one of them.  The splitting behavior really wants me to explore a BPD diagnosis further, but I'm curious if anyone here knows if this is a normal thing with a lot of other mental health disorders or do you know people NOT suffering from any mental health issues that struggle with this?",6.441367521367525,7.213352188811193,6.697575757575759,75.34414141414143,65.57342657342657,9.712198912198913,30.574203574203572,9.725611199111238,2.8633005439005443,605,21,107,12,9,195,95,143,0.064,0.8290000000000001,0.107,0.7234,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,0,4,8,1,1,7,0,14,7,0,0,0,25,20,11,0,5,9,0,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,1,9,3,13,13,4,9,0,2,0,2,8,4,0,6,3,77,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407111957159921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644340777146503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671145266389109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098706710663715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254795791233751,0.0,0.0,0.28337625857732884,0.0,0.0,0.12651412623053873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330994563264706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654525424560427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551450456127236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220568231948493,0.0,0.3942315992763146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580705343009068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358851729890153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732194652156973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510390482590784,0.11157888465593258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737631286553629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211289610327512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377337307062158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570792605849555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919911192403807,0.0,0.0,0.13272995320246128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474940409088136,0.09517469339734916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924258243572942,0.14152421323277609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642655874403972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291885887751702,0.0981299654522476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516755360761268,0.0,0.0
bpd,Orionwitch,2019/06/24,"I don't have friends... I'd never been able to keep friends for extended periods of time. I love hanging with the new people I find, I text them, I hang out with them, but after a while I just always grow apart from everyone. I don't have a true friend and I don't think I'd ever had a best friend yet. I just don't understand how people do it, how do they keep people close to them, how do you not distance yourself from others?",3.38882783882784,3.7647641648351633,4.5887362637362665,89.17709706959705,72.1868131868132,7.8249084249084255,25.05677655677656,7.793537801064563,1.0631743589743583,333,9,76,4,6,110,55,91,0.113,0.767,0.12,0.1451,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,4,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,3,3,20,16,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,0,14,7,10,14,1,14,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,8,54,16,0,0.19398931501791586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141465025492488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035798179216572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754744415315856,0.0,0.18536510372907986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773027195136152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5995026542861593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448532329170863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508293065219696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961651880374432,0.18735608926823769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034632965022744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243005201182511,0.0,0.0,0.11311672960769373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194971833429048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ctrlaltdeluke,2019/06/24,"Is this “splitting”? Basically me (m21) and my gf (f22) just split after a year. It started insanely good but unfortunately we realised she had BPD around 6 months in when she had a huge breakdown, during which she broke my heart with the verbal abuse/gaslighting and not only that but it really just exhausted me. We tried to bring ourselves back closer but every time we’d rekindle a % it would be put back out, generally because of her BPD. Now we broke up 5 days ago and she’s moving mad. I was sent a screenshot of her tinder profile, she’s on her twitter timeline about  the next man/woman she wants to connect with etc. Fair enough everyone moves on differently but I just want to know if this is something I can identify as splitting?",3.5679705400982016,5.908118312056741,4.373333333333335,83.02615384615386,75.09929078014184,6.891653027823242,27.1582105837425,7.882392219407189,1.7845762138570644,586,23,108,9,13,188,101,141,0.129,0.8079999999999999,0.064,-0.9105,1,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,4,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,6,0,9,2,1,0,0,24,15,10,0,4,9,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,4,0,0,4,0,20,1,16,8,2,25,0,2,0,0,15,8,0,1,12,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592009905735806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598784892234266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27619642917059395,0.0,0.1094800359287748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523896725279298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582454258727153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876395628529959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557064530381007,0.20029697980718528,0.0,0.0,0.15131735003623595,0.17161164507138166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506365781661791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282208832779875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870124788062147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335178924062092,0.3817641859272815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910023508102124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659082754826055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054355387455145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505377674386122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826175142350944,0.0,0.0,0.1271189514378102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472385396467496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193387415787615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186071171499096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757982372248888,0.0,0.0,0.11565391593667125
bpd,CobainTrain,2019/06/24,"It's done. It's over. It's over. No more being ridiculed, no more losing people, no more trauma, no more abuse. I'm done. It's over. I'll be deleting my account shortly. It's over.",-2.3263461538461527,-1.0643630256410257,0.2291987179487193,102.10225961538464,115.15384615384615,1.95,15.131410256410255,3.1291,-1.4127205128205125,138,4,32,0,8,46,20,39,0.488,0.512,0.0,-0.9676,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,22,6,0,0.0,0.4377782876414647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7562211151530238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133582424992649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561537804217281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unusualtastingfood,2019/06/24,Has therapy helped for you? I have been putting off going to therapy for this for a very long time and just started seeing someone about it. I was wondering if there is an end to this hell with a therapist or if a lifelong affliction. Has anyone had success in managing BPD?,4.568207547169814,6.151241245283022,5.6076886792452845,78.45794811320756,70.50943396226415,9.828301886792454,34.00471698113208,10.125756701596842,3.754928301886793,218,11,40,6,4,72,43,53,0.105,0.828,0.067,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,11,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,1,9,8,0,8,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,4,4,32,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450244679241272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143198150566082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104152362181032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183418780529988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672789220574636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085817924925386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508828998964747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988719010062777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145657934068476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766441973922632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5708012587271218,0.2897655221924051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455240223599917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059182010036301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706438315043512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ems3429,2019/06/24,"Favorite Person Gone. Devastated. How do I cope with this? 
Friends for almost 9 years. Started going into emotional territory about 4 years ago. Started a long distance kind of companionship. Moved home to date. Lasted 5 months. Gone. Back with his ex-wife. Didn’t hear from him for forever. Sent hate email after hate email out into the ether of silence. He comes back this month to tell me he’s been thinking of me a lot, and also that he’s now dating his ex from college (a surgeon) and that she’s a good balance from him. He was a writer, words for a living. Never had anyone tell me anything like the words he gave to me that led me to role him as my favorite person. Now he’s chosen someone else, because I couldn’t contain my crazy when he just needed “space”. Now he’s gone forever, dating someone who is better than me in pretty much every regard. I lost my job the day after I found this out. I’ve been looking for other things, but I’m so devastated I am having a hard time functioning at all. If I don’t find something this month, I’ll be fucked soon. 

TL:DR: my fp/ex is now dating someone stable to gallivant off into the sunset with and I am a 32 year old unemployed loser that knows he’s better off without me. 

I’m never going to be happy. Thoughts of death, but not enough yet to do the deed. 

Just discovered the concept of favorite person today. 

Please help me. 

Dying.",2.014332298136651,4.3122195326086965,3.6028364389233936,86.78869565217394,80.12318840579711,5.537060041407869,22.175983436853,6.7097532225279775,0.6777157349896488,1085,34,208,11,28,359,159,276,0.121,0.75,0.129,-0.4237,3,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,4,15,12,3,0,14,0,16,2,0,2,3,36,39,11,2,3,7,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,3,11,12,0,1,5,0,0,9,7,5,0,0,13,3,25,7,37,23,4,51,0,2,1,1,31,10,1,3,33,130,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103961748219782,0.0,0.11413814829972704,0.0,0.0,0.09115267392389692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970000976321527,0.0,0.09379882182916502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529276327239693,0.0,0.0694833676117615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161852960759175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818681111668566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735100167147486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829702028422147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521870327540068,0.12821625068543913,0.0,0.1177755675380398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603613087454199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417897991165044,0.0,0.0,0.12497717548901888,0.08806347577351023,0.10537603638781648,0.0,0.0,0.12955905616942456,0.09560406742383504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213377018971825,0.10210695075182187,0.2250704883364794,0.0,0.0,0.12846784381760334,0.0,0.07640082970882245,0.0,0.11433488231645834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311117249854548,0.0,0.0,0.11869641843715464,0.06264242637525748,0.09291187795603034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568664786650263,0.0,0.10064964040629797,0.10087193254883818,0.09571754819346297,0.0,0.12442660531517293,0.09690481271773832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27294195654328995,0.1211465681699609,0.08379108886837022,0.08451742310683515,0.17582241659535766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119606653702187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985783477764428,0.0,0.12511980560051786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159623374446028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28973389911255004,0.08775017307315937,0.0,0.0,0.16135641093361255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925344684348067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572566410947074,0.07303611260972555,0.0,0.09049027627401436,0.06646477580151605,0.0,0.1080431608257669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987615927103306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020517682316645
bpd,LightskinShakespeare,2019/01/15,Anyone know how to make conversation? I forgot how to socialize ,3.5854545454545463,6.6153498181818176,5.8640909090909075,62.81613636363636,96.27272727272728,9.472727272727274,23.681818181818183,8.841846274778883,3.8400545454545454,52,2,7,2,2,18,9,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635158506554404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643130990160734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424916206084637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6757441733139574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElectricGrayNeonBlac,2019/01/15,"How do antidepressants effect you? Personally for me, they've made my depression incredibly worse to the point I can't really function outside of the house. I get bad crying fits, I want to abandon everyone, and I feel like everyone is better off without me. 

It's a horrible feeling and I'm just wondering how antidepressants effect you, and if how I'm feeling is similar to others. ",6.168450704225348,7.705358802816902,7.89729577464789,63.73467605633803,66.6056338028169,11.877183098591551,36.735211267605635,11.602472056035307,5.163183661971831,309,16,49,11,5,108,51,71,0.21,0.632,0.159,-0.7931,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,3,4,5,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,6,0,18,13,7,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,9,2,7,12,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957823164570628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737989351978808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575669939871534,0.0,0.0,0.20195863245454235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481143768061922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556827811772281,0.1675136802960271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250694233544827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705602494175326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145558508685246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187213084448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047402623482594,0.0,0.0,0.2216608745748541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502148978390393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830330505891694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603186576490256,0.25428526010253816,0.0,0.0,0.2389567519175736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,7thDonger,2019/01/15,"I just ghosted like 20 people, left a lot of discord servers and I don't even know why I did it What the fuck is wrong with me",-0.6801149425287356,1.0082842068965512,1.2006896551724149,103.67160919540231,86.24137931034483,3.8666666666666663,20.011494252873558,3.1291,-0.8487333333333336,98,3,26,0,3,32,27,29,0.292,0.629,0.079,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647229881648042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705308575756329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202678404036673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354676884233951,0.0,0.0,0.1958094278052876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34074372685041643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778625417786844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616574302261265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382091801612905,0.0,0.0
bpd,ok999999,2019/01/15,"Meditation and breathing exercises seems to be working only superficially? Couldn't find this sub before so I will be reposting from the other one.

So. After I dropped school and moved into my ex-boyfriend house, I started trying to overcome my social phobia, be more healthy, finish school and have found a religion who talks about inner peace. I thought I was cured, until I broke up my relationship and returned to my parents house, something I had promised to myself I would never do again because of my traumatic childhood with my parents.

Since then I got really angry and frustrated with any interaction with my parents, but I would take a deep breath and say to myself ""everything is going to be ok"" and it goes away everytime, just not always when my drunk father is being a true asshole trying to make me quit from school again. But although I don't feel like shouting or doing stupid things driven by angry and my mind seems clear as the blue sky, it seems like my subconscious is on pain or something, sometimes I feel like crying although I am thinking about nothing and am really really stressed out.

As I am a girl, my hair is really important for me, and I shaved it so it could grow naturally and I would finally be proud of it. After 1.5 long year I finally was, it was growing thicker and really healthy and shine, but then it started thinning, even my eyelashes which I was always proud of for being full and long are falling, I am really sad right now.

I want so much to go away from here, but then one more time I wouldn't finish shool and some courses that I want so bad to be able to do the things I want in life. I don't have any other stable place to go aswell.

I think my childhood trauma doesn't allow my subconscious to be free. Does someone knows any other natural ways or tips to overcome this? I even thought about hypnosis but I am a little skeptical. I don't want to go back on pills, I am not totally against it, but I would prefer keeping myself natural if I can.",8.667197691197693,7.037826249350651,8.536082251082254,71.95904401154405,61.831168831168824,11.568542568542568,37.233044733044736,10.380263240014207,3.7421313131313134,1586,61,291,29,18,515,192,385,0.155,0.721,0.125,-0.9493,3,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,5,17,18,3,1,8,1,43,8,3,2,4,66,69,39,0,13,13,4,4,3,0,6,4,2,0,1,18,20,1,1,13,2,1,9,9,9,0,2,10,8,50,10,43,42,6,52,0,2,2,0,11,16,0,8,28,217,68,4,0.08542051241210581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215341844289855,0.0,0.0,0.17426663290324662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051076656498806,0.0656831013513491,0.07132255984692126,0.05207155152188814,0.0,0.07268656454468032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820132843071085,0.0,0.0938304218464448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475206605050884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283888565631285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677044860956436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638235534956422,0.12204886227006766,0.0,0.18714799205160265,0.07807280082160269,0.0,0.0,0.09365918285507692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418578288112304,0.0,0.06831858708827522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712760509207647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592567626734556,0.0,0.0,0.046944879682302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033503410134203,0.12519644282343334,0.08561379421073084,0.0,0.15118893091589725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701885533623007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625036688537616,0.0,0.0,0.09078848626637727,0.0627939052330258,0.0,0.06588156517976766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819632854633752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576629982135997,0.0649661488851156,0.09089344780040608,0.0,0.28454811059263163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924625464135695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085522956898044,0.0,0.0,0.3283354054105395,0.0,0.0,0.09170966259623954,0.0,0.07294865087018802,0.0,0.06792981999842726,0.0,0.259350356833677,0.0,0.23329087898970305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066073057851295,0.0,0.0,0.0870754551453577,0.07237652296673712,0.1315217674469817,0.08448307097241937,0.0,0.12092215668450608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978489083622818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422559461996763,0.06865777220534895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349918565369133,0.10946803044911696,0.0,0.13562869058276994,0.049809387721063095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598984155624448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153292555928928,0.0678028267551547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218715038940574,0.0,0.0,0.2427211247333149,0.0,0.0,0.05500800937188632
bpd,brn1221,2019/01/15,"Differences between BPD and Cyclothymic Disorder I have been lurking this subreddit for a bit now after my therapist had recommended DBT to go along with my sessions with her. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and Social Anxiety and after looking into DBT a bit I saw that it is a common treatment for those with BPD. I definitely want to start a discussion with my therapist about the symptoms I feel I show that represent BPD as I feel like it explains a lot of my emotional responses. 

I then came across Cyclothymic disorder and now I'm curious what the major differences are between BPD and Cyclothymic disorder. I know BPD is a personality disorder and Cyclothymic is a mood disorder but not sure what really sets them apart.",7.979318181818183,8.82081268939394,8.455606060606062,63.82840909090912,62.25757575757577,12.963636363636365,40.74242424242424,12.38480682065935,5.827360606060608,593,32,92,21,8,197,76,132,0.115,0.812,0.073,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,9,0,9,2,0,0,1,23,20,9,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,4,15,2,19,15,4,13,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,8,72,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928466690568053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592945009545281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167204981545592,0.0,0.6250380818281466,0.0,0.0,0.11352075005600913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074126703985614,0.0,0.2073997344551984,0.5687714992657315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164799624418932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037215361647253,0.07090746196323024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640864141353085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454769849595919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849075385228721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334881424215905,0.0,0.0,0.08438265905074234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666523438053374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358499876552956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011775023348932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025287303904032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354622767858514,0.10316346913359536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304843379199035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585428982607504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Heslant,2019/01/15,"Does anyone feel like it's impossible to have successful friendships/relationship? I've been in therapy working on things and I'm trying my best to improve, but I feel like I just mess it all up. In the moment I just make a stupid decisions. Just a small lapse in concentration or a stressful weekend and I get so scared of being abandoned bc of something I say/said that I freak out/apologise so much and ruin everything. They get too annoyed with me and then anytime I've tried to fix things I just make it worse. I feel so alone. I've been out of high school for a few years and have mostly been scared to attempt to talk to anyone, and the couple times I have tried it's gone horribly. My therapist says I'm making progress but it doesn't feel like it.

Does anyone feel like you always make the wrong decisions no matter what you do? I feel like no matter what decision I make with people it'll just go wrong. I always end up fucking everything up no matter how hard I try I just make things worse. Sometimes it feels like everyone would be better off if I just stopped trying to talk to anyone. That I'll just hurt anyone I try and be friends with. I feel like such an awful person. I just want to improve myself and not be this way.",1.9525579240037056,4.322184967871487,3.1201004016064253,89.75056765523634,80.84738955823293,6.079765214704974,21.62511584800741,7.321109707123232,0.7634904541241889,983,30,199,14,26,316,124,249,0.276,0.5660000000000001,0.158,-0.9928,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,6,15,24,3,3,8,1,14,1,0,7,1,53,36,17,0,3,14,0,9,7,1,2,0,1,0,1,16,12,0,2,11,1,0,2,5,13,0,0,4,10,25,11,25,26,5,21,0,3,0,1,8,11,1,3,14,124,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327057642199329,0.0,0.0,0.1337991623705383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810891775274923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843752691296785,0.07110762825509348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896152352411857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071787977498176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121089843306412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682603646109287,0.14451740705618338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32522290117162544,0.40206647871082624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062117156695288236,0.07432888273755084,0.08401179079037392,0.0,0.04569340536857739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202297438090527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494744659381648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607030091445972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749570512273117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32200738470650264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910355174137943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055739520373981034,0.07020253611289065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631995045261984,0.0,0.0,0.07647920064435937,0.12787526484172365,0.1609896711200028,0.08136950646924976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061896163000004126,0.07951806051812288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721834217153005,0.09209839707796978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924560678071867,0.0,0.0,0.09194487486936494,0.09335107192597697,0.16024337792800458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468821251593373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275196012950807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474222444406929,0.06381810248086668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853245545168138,0.0,0.1638697715193694,0.057114143885322176,0.1758104519544817,0.0,0.05177522748484273
bpd,procrochetnator,2019/01/15,"my partner just left for a study abroad program i feel like i could just stay in my bedroom forever. his room in our shared space is empty, and new people are moving in for the semester. he left a lot of his stuff with me so that I could use it for cooking and it just reminds me that he's not here. i feel so alone and so sad like im walking through water. i get to visit him in two months so it's not so bad i realize, but i haven't been without him for longer than two weeks in the past year. just trying to get over this numb feeling and i figured y'all would get it. ",1.5499200000000002,2.717444352000001,3.067400000000003,95.33470000000004,77.47999999999998,5.960000000000001,22.9,6.2581,0.2291599999999998,444,13,107,3,10,146,79,125,0.076,0.847,0.077,-0.1993,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,1,0,23,14,10,0,3,8,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,2,1,8,5,2,0,5,1,0,3,4,3,0,2,1,3,18,3,17,10,1,19,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,1,7,74,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853966735845229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946289002705798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858441332677046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715330851612895,0.12788222771694374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28057041076817385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335765957456025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38898201492627904,0.0,0.0,0.17490699722181854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218486350116514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288122277019485,0.1902555035556587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288552333351498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708818902403268,0.12410051795682593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079703436644987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049195328053197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153361411862725,0.0,0.34972653842572193,0.0,0.0,0.15460407940672255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358815880066825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725558084447296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716103029364714,0.0,0.0,0.1152742704833318
bpd,DDConstantine,2019/01/15,"So, it's me now. Wrangling diagnosis in my 30's that came out of the blue. I made an account today to finally start talking about it. After a few months of therapy, I got my diagnosis. When I first heard it, I was like - no fucking way. Then I spent the afternoon reading the materials and going over traits and it all sunk in. 

I am of the more ""quiet"" variety as I do not usually or normally have angry outbursts. I am more likely to internalize and subdue emotional response. When I was younger this was not the case, but it has been for a few years now. 

However, I keep a whole host of things about myself secret. Sneaking smoking, drinking, and sexual activity to cope and stay sane for years. I act one way outwardly and desperately seek to be alone so that I can stop keeping up the front. When alone, half the time I dismantle and break down. 

I do everything I can to keep a certain image for the benefit of my kids. 

I was in an abusive relationship for years, and following that remarried someone incredibly supportive, but I spend half the time doubting the relationship and wanting to flee. I keep a part of myself hidden, and it feels completely wrong half the time. She is very caring and kind, as well as trustworthy, which only intensifies the self hatred over the rejection of it.

I spend the darker days failing to kick smoking for the 10th time, drinking, and trying not to have an affair. And I hate myself for all of it. 

Diagnosis gave relief in finally seeing myself, but agony in no longer having a hidden self, by knowing about impulses and lack of control. 

I don't know how to make an decision just for me, and I am so scared of hurting people by breaking off the relationship - something I see as inevitable. Which causes me to not engage in the relationship, which just self-fulfilles the future worry. 

Frankly, it fucking sucks, and I don't feel positive about the outcome. I don't cut myself, but I do consciously live an unhealthy lifestyle with disbelief that I will live much longer. Then I lay awake and fear death and make a thousand promises about tomorrow that I won't keep. 

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bpd,BongChong420,2019/01/15,"I try so hard every second of the day. I’m pretty sure we can almost all relate to that :P how do some of you deal with it? Source: haven’t had a single happy or good day for 2 months, but I love life so much, yet it only gives me 24/7, indescribable emotions. Makes me think what a lot of people might think on this sub, which is, “If there is a god, why would he let us feel like this.” 

Here’s another one I just thought of: Why would god give us “free will” if he knows we could end up this way. If anything, wouldn’t that let “Satan” do what ever the hell he wants to us, according to Christian religion? And it’s ironic how my phone capitalizes Satan but not god. So done right now..",2.941875,3.581480548611111,4.120444444444445,91.169,73.375,7.14888888888889,20.65,7.1686216300943375,0.22205499999999967,525,9,123,5,10,172,102,144,0.06,0.74,0.2,0.9658,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,5,1,0,0,11,7,1,0,5,0,16,2,0,3,3,32,27,12,0,8,8,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,3,2,12,7,11,16,5,11,4,0,0,1,14,3,1,8,8,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368479622213668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330276627502506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112461765126752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911405282676384,0.0,0.0,0.17627228302066325,0.1408932521862053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985339963238638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537271533781158,0.1210425965729736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361924441915195,0.11514422658490765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910077194822166,0.0976318666484058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621986467143079,0.0,0.11462619642881723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547999501138575,0.1224229440128187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510625085264754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794937583611186,0.0965289129951015,0.06676649653942153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618574812552301,0.12334343058170948,0.0,0.0912234194910119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497753766814914,0.0,0.0,0.10908287052159757,0.0,0.1004628157610766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926061885077507,0.1039381484864139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474471501213606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903510622975776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670920681226216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880298593839234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513589151568731,0.0,0.10849492560917054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927850086658797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931652364375573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060720660356846,0.10847649731459567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466336767774029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416253492209587,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lone-dawg,2019/01/15,"Feeling betrayed and self esteem is shattered How can I get through being betrayed by my ex gf. Leaving me to date  my ex best friend and other guys. I’ve also lost all my friends too. Feeling lonely and feeling like I’m a worthless piece of shit. I Became codependent with my ex and feared I would get abandoned so I became very needy and possessive. It was my first proper long term relationship  at 20 years old. 

I start my day telling myself to get on with things, be productive, meet new people, do what I need to do.  But my thoughts always come back to it and i find it hard to concentrate on other things. Every time I think about it my mood fucking changes. This happens frequently through out the day. And the weird thing is, I know it’s my fault, so I’m stuck between wanted to say sorry to my gf and feeling emotionally shattered and betrayed that she would that to me. 

I’m pretty sure she hates me too. Not trying to justify my behaviour but I had no self awareness of my neediness and accusations. Feel like this relationship has taken its toll on me and don’t know how long it’ll take me to recover. 

I’m an introvert and so naturally I am very quiet and an ovethinker so I’m not the most talk-a-tive or interesting. So I can’t get out the trap of being alone. It’s hard enough going through a break up for anyone but this is quiet difficult for me rn. Fuck me.

I read that people with personality disorders often project their feelings and attitudes onto other people. And that usually has negative connotations. However u can project your positive qualities too! I would have never acted in that way to my friend. So that’s why it fucking hurt more because I never imagined this kind of shit would happen to me. Worlds not ending but it still feels depressing to go through. 
  
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bpd,MellowBug,2019/01/15,"Called out of work to day-drink after one of my worst panic attacks ever last night. Home, supposed to be working my second job today. 

Been struggling. Really bad. A week ago I didn’t fill my Venlafaxine prescription in time, so I had to go three days without out. If anyone takes it, they know the withdrawals are fucking brutal. Thought about suicide almost all weekend and could barely function. And the brain zaps. Ugh. Back on it now, but I think it’s taking me time to adjust back?

Can’t get bad thoughts to go away, super emotional, irritable... splitting with my fiancé terribly, and I can’t stop thinking about leaving him... but we have a six month old daughter. 

For some background, he is jobless and has been most of our relationship. When we had our daughter, I agreed to get a second job, and he would stay home with our daughter and keep the house clean. The house is constantly messy as fuck, and disorganized as hell. He says we have a “different definition of clean”. There are times he does amazing and cleans everything at once, but it inevitably turns into a pigsty again. Additionally, he has major depressive disorder and just recently agreed to get help for it after I gave him an ultimatum. I hate ultimatums, but he went to far one night and destroyed our bathroom door and threw up from screaming too hard during a break down, with me hiding in our daughters bedroom with her.

Yesterday, recognizing I’ve been struggling and being crabby and crappy to him, I tried my hardest to be happy or at least pretend to for my one day off. We played games and had a good time... but I couldn’t shake my bad thoughts and feelings.

I guess I pretended too well or something, because before we went to bed, I told him I was sad when he asked what was wrong. Here’s how the conversation went:

Him: What’s wrong?

Me: I’m just sad right now.

Him: Are you serious? We just had a super fun time playing games, and now you’re going to be all suicidal?

Me: I am sorry, I know we ha a really good time and I had a lot of fun, I’ve just been sad, but thanks for (he cut me off before I could finish with “taking my mind off things”)

Him: You weren’t sad all day, I don’t know what I did to upset you all of the sudden.

At this time I stopped and just apologized and said it wasn’t anything he did, and tried to go to bed. I guess I seemed cold, because he asked why I was upset about going to bed.

I laid in bed and suddenly all my bad thoughts hit me at once, and the room started to close in, and I couldn’t breath—full panic attack mode.

I couldn’t get myself together enough to try to find my anxiety med, and couldn’t speak to ask for help. I was stuck lying in bed, unable to breath and hyperventilating.

It took me twenty minutes to gather myself enough to try to ask him for help. I came out of the room and called out to him (he was watching YouTube on the couch). I called out between sobs “Can you please help me?” He asked “why” and I couldn’t say anything else but “Can you please just help me please”. He just said “What? *Why?*”

Every time I tried to explain what was happening I felt like my throat was closing up. I couldn’t do it so I choked out “I don’t know” and crawled back into bed. Sobbed and choked for twenty more minutes before passing out. He never even checked on me. He never came to ask what I needed. He slept on the couch.

I am so upset... when I’ve been upset at him, the moment he is crying or panicking or anything, I drop everything and help him. He couldn’t even check on me?

This morning after I called out of work, he came into the room and asked me if he could lay with me and I said “I guess”. He went back to the couch and fell asleep again.

Everything adding up is making me second guess our whole relationship. I just can’t tell if it’s even justified or if I am just splitting. But I am so pissed. I don’t even want to look at him.

So now I am sitting on the couch playing with our daughter, while he sleeps all day in the bedroom (I asked him to move so our daughter and I could use the living room while he slept and he got furious and ranted and stormed to the bedroom haha) drinking wine and watching Parks and Rec.

I don’t even know what to do anymore.
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bpd,DancingChromosome,2019/01/15,DAE feel stable for a few days and feel like nothing’s wrong with them? It’s been like 3-4 days and I feel somewhat stable... numb but stable ya know? Like I feel sad over certain things but I’m not bawling my eyes out and go from wanting to die to happily playing a video game. I feel normal.. like there was nothing wrong with me to begin with.,0.6670833333333341,2.879497097222224,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,84.97222222222223,4.155555555555557,20.11111111111111,5.148860815047168,-0.3399222222222225,269,8,59,1,8,86,48,72,0.19,0.54,0.27,0.6427,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,1,10,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,20,12,5,1,2,3,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,6,7,6,10,10,2,6,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,7,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26165489889345883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105358988148291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.512858720263254,0.1449227057079286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152896001720718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148615163061447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964271773672992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987590171835413,0.38929788863674863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477068753154173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965165556668066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435895409503047,0.0,0.0
bpd,wanderlust_xo,2019/01/15,No one will ever care about me like I care about them. Bad mental health day. Feel free to rant in comments.,0.22030303030303244,2.614907090909089,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,91.72727272727272,2.9333333333333336,11.87878787878788,3.1291,-1.8834121212121209,84,1,19,0,3,25,20,22,0.23600000000000002,0.408,0.35600000000000004,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,5,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27545217576799713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6727087440770222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275778763968986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984128474608315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680702277141318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506675802533595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117215762747186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324609497414675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235483361424835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jesuz,2019/01/15,"[Cutting Trigger Warning ] Has anyone here ever had the urge to cut your face? I've never been a cutter but there were a couple recent depressive periods where I had this strong urge to scar my face. I've actually done it once before during a suicide attempt, but i've never had the urge to cut myself to 'feel something' or experience the pain in any way.",9.319565217391306,6.943487913043484,9.626376811594204,67.0117391304348,61.17391304347826,11.518840579710146,37.492753623188406,9.725611199111238,3.64987536231884,282,10,49,4,3,95,49,69,0.249,0.685,0.066,-0.9285,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,3,0,6,0,7,3,2,1,3,8,8,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,1,4,1,5,2,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.246191743163264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156104057709612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640208746919958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467418819384265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791462587093015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172909141694912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581730236782244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820434970047884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24678111056205454,0.0,0.0,0.1275618274512116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891522899864837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686730821696976,0.0,0.0,0.2684468201368534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490989534185953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942197215769123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759565734611327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002504435598044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bloodblondie,2019/01/15,"Difficulty saying no? I really find it hard to say no to hanging out with friends or doing something social, even when I'm exhausted or have a lot of work to do. I guess I'm just afraid of missing out or coming off the wrong way to a friend, but I'm not really sure. 

What are you guy's experiences?",3.9392857142857167,4.160085111111116,5.91123015873016,80.73446428571428,70.90476190476191,9.474603174603176,26.86111111111111,9.516144504307137,2.08808253968254,234,7,51,5,4,82,47,63,0.231,0.7040000000000001,0.065,-0.7657,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,14,10,5,0,0,6,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,3,3,3,10,10,1,7,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,5,1,33,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234040009189325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514528548501538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297714250968849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468887966467867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629570757791261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587622462388445,0.23258201070459825,0.0,0.0,0.21041890486425927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969849670374976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009582492239401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735943067960311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944487343505386,0.0,0.18083289319433485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213848348685786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864479403963523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100564481025027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25681973760417426,0.0,0.0
bpd,jjorddn,2019/01/15,"insta for those who have insta, i made a bpd ig account to sometimes vent & hopefully find ppl who relate! it’s @ bpdone.
comment ur instas if u have some! ",0.981129032258064,3.521541225806456,3.800241935483872,81.62036290322581,88.35483870967742,6.970967741935485,20.65322580645161,8.07648339933343,1.6462838709677423,122,4,22,3,4,43,28,31,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.508,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42644261903415465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956988993472549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597240225462781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909126949663537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724139110975288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38925963725451934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rangifer2014,2019/01/15,"Common meds people with BPD take? Curious to hear if it's common for folks with BPD to be on:

1. Adderall
2. Antidepressants
3. Anti-anxiety meds
4. Sleeping aids

Any anecdotal info from you folks would be really helpful - thanks.",1.867857142857144,4.607340547619046,3.88809523809524,77.87357142857145,95.90476190476193,7.161904761904763,22.66666666666667,7.957251820313856,2.3355809523809525,181,7,29,5,7,61,35,42,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.8211,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,7,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609235719226864,0.0,0.18102924161244385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5960805447161915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667109047341187,0.0,0.15861505734468634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.525708226858979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405664244392834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159788580032582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368112770545103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792411415056,0.0,0.0,0.21786666661224588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810253513159454,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,honeytoast_png,2019/01/15,"How do you deal with getting friendzoned? This guy friend of mine that I’ve fallen for told me he’s not ready for a relationship. It hurts so much. I don’t know what to do. I just want to.....you know. And I feel so stupid because he’s just another guy. But he’s my dream guy. He has been for the past five years. Still, I shouldn’t feel so sad, empty,  useless, ugly, etc. because of him. But I can’t stop :( What do you guys usually do?",-1.4463133640552996,0.5459600752688196,0.7039400921659009,101.84733870967743,98.78494623655914,3.9474654377880185,15.24500768049155,5.773587663045528,-0.9076476190476191,329,8,82,3,14,108,61,93,0.29,0.648,0.063,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,0,7,5,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,15,16,7,0,2,5,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,2,11,1,7,13,2,6,0,3,0,0,15,0,0,0,5,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637142928603254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166921251091621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323775227273373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822234181400325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797370695279134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731819833838196,0.0,0.0928595927780954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7039453380500363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026979470411765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953578382828852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065622562761606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696688830880941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082167805841088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141939998280571,0.14859504416092392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983412431555053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575081656962076,0.0,0.1048331493938493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445599468846533
bpd,borderline-bunny,2019/01/15,"BPD or something else? I've been diagnosed with BPD but there are still some things that I'm not sure are related to BPD or something else that I need to look into.

Having trouble reading tone of voice and body language to determine moods of other people.

When I was a teenager I knew I didn't fit in and I mimicked girls around me to do so. Clothes they wore, music they listened to, etc. I don't think I had any real interest in the things, but I kind of used it as a survival tool.

Sensory issues? I get overwhelmed with sound and touch quite often and need to get away or I freak out.

I get obsessive with people and hobbies and interests to the point that it's probably unhealthy

I struggle with boundaries and rules if I don't understand WHY they're in place

I can't handle big deviation in my routine. If I go on vacation it takes me weeks to get back to normal and function properly.

Are these BPD things? Am I odd?",2.5513946869070168,4.603428908602151,3.7759835547122087,87.47809297912715,77.11827956989248,6.9571157495256175,26.53257432005061,7.928766900206844,1.6406012650221369,731,29,147,12,17,238,114,186,0.14400000000000002,0.8140000000000001,0.043,-0.9613,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,2,7,10,0,3,4,0,13,2,1,1,1,34,29,18,0,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,11,15,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,6,5,21,4,26,23,2,18,0,1,1,0,4,13,0,7,4,99,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831666935858845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887096516166113,0.0,0.0,0.11490280311627947,0.0940394544759086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584527889973985,0.6161191604513454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412968640618495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432822769774006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639436810101374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555821985186745,0.0,0.06950465459691244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764712281171745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735433259990014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269934534487604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136452901539452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982587168959878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957178305013393,0.0,0.1277751648113804,0.0,0.11561094532562775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318577065279616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007875768909433,0.12233088936669785,0.1392016637921476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883016332657904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766717614457024,0.0,0.0,0.12785220782657247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526422336568752,0.0,0.09195272082457102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24374765996293304,0.07836348812856164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731631645788966,0.0,0.10562602736655397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809991333471242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035473674177376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AngelaB1230,2019/01/15,Bpd- asking for a work accommodation advice? I recently asked for an accommodation at work I've not send it into HR yet because I'm scared of the repercussions. I currently run two homes as a manager and I'm asking for a more structured schedule as it affects my BPD does anybody have any tips or experience with this? ,6.1159836065573785,7.127924491803281,7.57389344262295,67.92346311475413,66.37704918032786,10.69016393442623,34.92213114754098,10.686352973137794,4.034472131147541,258,12,45,7,4,89,47,61,0.059000000000000004,0.941,0.0,-0.504,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,9,6,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,27,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038802358607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394518436263219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751268023352977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125006268943784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.516546643336945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794545505118181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059379871017213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569781718650854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247783635935773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530673937159435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003195865091186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29858083422607096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,morimushroom,2019/01/15,"Would it be helpful to let people I'm close to know that I'm angry with them even though I know it's irrational? I have a habit of repressing my emotions, and I often end up internally blaming people around me, particularly the people that I'm closest to.  I often don't express this to them because I know they aren't really in the wrong, but at the same time I find myself acting cold and distant towards them without offering an explanation.  Right now, there are only two people I'm close to (my brother and SO), and I find myself getting mad at them in my head a lot.  I've never lashed out at either of them, but I feel like I could.  Is there a healthy way to express this?  ",8.261521739130433,5.6226518188405805,8.856811594202899,72.52913043478263,63.42028985507246,11.228985507246378,36.76811594202898,9.2995712137729,3.2261072463768112,533,19,106,7,6,181,83,138,0.111,0.823,0.066,-0.6113,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,6,0,9,4,1,1,7,0,9,1,1,0,1,27,18,8,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,2,21,1,19,14,3,19,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,3,5,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140950308458615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105284287009442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476591241178682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395587043753352,0.16059198132250374,0.0,0.0,0.11975737579775432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916787163549427,0.12953204367050689,0.0,0.0,0.3314387125748017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473002190921304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608232029736574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153215869368945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989392654062927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854076899094998,0.0,0.08858174121176975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414820915268754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984192264019016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789883621971732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028061834236017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615554426636668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484270241393575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814185280198785,0.0,0.10572670101928973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711919027703055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392004239742012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478196082520134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880154203789315,0.1982403637493343,0.0,0.0
bpd,dirtroadfarmboy,2019/01/15,"Married 4 months to my best friend and confused  Someone with BPD ( untreated or diagnosed ) and Hight Stress.   
Switching from I love I miss you to saying I lost all emotional trust in you and its over. Comparing disagreements to the same thing as a former husband leaving for another woman that the pain is exactly the same. Anyone that can help it would be great to know what can be done if anything . ",8.123918918918918,7.946808824324329,7.411486486486485,74.87641891891893,62.10810810810811,11.183783783783785,37.41891891891892,10.686352973137794,4.027794594594595,319,14,56,7,4,99,60,74,0.16,0.593,0.247,0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,0,10,0,2,4,0,7,3,0,0,2,13,11,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,6,5,10,6,4,4,0,2,0,1,8,2,0,3,2,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382851610726697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588942973571409,0.0,0.18700245999658155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847857147343685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862058789253479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306478894283015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23254952241470825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25561892806483383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556816049874227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250537326229131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523168716058157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248873664283654,0.0,0.0,0.24061859799024002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248063683841776,0.0,0.20509659364852453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813840028923301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24180365139302415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807135597954202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254311451490488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603072487554537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097082454976854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142762666352228,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,geckobongo,2019/01/15,"I have BPD and I’m struggling with comorbid disorder-patterned eating, and I need some help Hi, first real post on here as far as I can recall.

I[25/M] have BPD. I was misdiagnosed in 2016 as having bipolar and depression, but got the diagnosis for BPD and PTSD last May. This month is an anniversary of some bad stuff that happened and my depression goes into full swing, my flashbacks are worse and also, my splitting is off the wall. One of the hardest parts though has been realizing that I have a disordered eating pattern/eating disorder. I never believed I had one, until I explained to my therapist that when I’m sad, I’ll either binge eat and sometimes purge, or I will go a couple days just drinking water, and I’ll stop eating altogether. It has nothing to do with body image; my stomach just feels so messed up when I’m sad that my appetite disappears, or the emptiness in me is just so great I try to fill it with whatever means I can. 

Well, this month has been hard for me. Like ridiculously hard. It’s the first time I’m trying to get through this with a positive outlook. But my eating problem has been at it’s worst. I haven’t had an actual meal in a few days, and I’ve either been grazing on light stuff, or just eating things that aren’t nutritionally beneficial. I can’t get out of this funk and ideology and I’m really struggling with applying mindfulness and DBT techniques to this. 

Is there anyone who also struggles with this? I want to get through this because I know this eating thing is also a means of self injury for myself too, and it just feels so easy to just eat too much or eat nothing at all because no one sees the effects, especially from someone who is a heavier guy like me. Any advice would be really great. ",5.491495601173022,6.22357438123167,6.165263929618771,78.46789589442821,67.65102639296188,9.132551319648094,30.749266862170092,9.218907990703514,2.600617595307918,1388,52,262,25,22,454,177,341,0.188,0.705,0.106,-0.9832,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,3,20,17,1,3,14,0,32,15,2,1,2,55,52,32,0,4,14,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,24,21,12,1,8,1,0,3,5,12,1,5,8,6,26,5,38,40,10,31,0,4,1,0,7,14,0,7,15,190,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.06947757385662476,0.0,0.0,0.06957245595993633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080759367455514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841610329599878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497822912463658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944615502155483,0.08680152621069058,0.0,0.0,0.08021414425637582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790833297790243,0.2690087307990501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877764118764301,0.0,0.0918317845252721,0.0,0.12264298829528775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631948554607863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974552551627572,0.0,0.6556667104671654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199824148570425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111951778699655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159179465863886,0.0,0.04046264666085005,0.0,0.056942394210469635,0.15698892093516462,0.0,0.0704957894534259,0.06295888425864843,0.0,0.1275562694586165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772155445561841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039127768283303256,0.05803470015117474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956608740350577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510785505557345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188823131893485,0.0,0.1136568323672672,0.0,0.0523376647291272,0.05279134826955453,0.05491117740508572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366300420004366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447338980868637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709893811691383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818662542861731,0.0,0.0,0.06812549410876531,0.08322497048383172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103727396804186,0.0912206808569959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673444171467861,0.0,0.0742735411018423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060324615569550426,0.0,0.0704152198757663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952351343647329,0.0,0.22329031372494487,0.1630060587197841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826646954474955,0.09459966383246426,0.0,0.06995026024956344,0.0,0.04151528759413788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667558367053944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04199357664832233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640142592071685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255537872366842,0.050575994604201036,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rituheena09,2019/01/15,"""actual"" illness and BPD Does anyone else neglect their physical illness as a BPD  symptom?


Iave been told by my family that I always run to the doctor for small things.
So now, I can't take any of my illness seriously.
Keeping mental illness aside.
Since I feel like shit all the time, I can't distinguish when I'm really sick and when it's BPD.",2.336407563025208,4.759318985294119,4.163277310924372,82.51617647058826,79.73529411764707,7.415126050420167,24.420168067226893,8.418075326091056,1.911434453781512,273,10,51,6,7,92,53,68,0.302,0.665,0.033,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,3,8,1,0,1,7,8,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,7,1,5,6,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.17930256332870628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528853999000282,0.0,0.0,0.12494868409300755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847444050463908,0.18826211297456014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6942377563385862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806444660824476,0.1607910613289411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349018984098597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321258750302918,0.0,0.0929038575827806,0.13126303482457624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633154869712258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976549625881951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851654937151157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770777963549775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188605236928644,0.15199063336016144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909749646451784,0.13814871038412765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206789380842355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713957137188647,0.0,0.0,0.17557029653983292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HD_Thoreau_aweigh,2019/01/15,"Yo, you're a person deserving of love and care. So treat yourself that way. I dare you. You don't need to punish yourself; life is hard enough. 

Don't create problems to feel in control; there's plenty of those already. 

Despite what anyone says, I know you're working hard, I know you're trying your best, so treat yourself with care today. Try to do something that you will look back on and thank yourself for. ",2.6454999999999984,5.05386455,2.9125000000000014,91.9925,78.5,4.5,23.75,5.148860815047168,0.28800000000000026,324,11,62,1,8,99,55,80,0.051,0.638,0.311,0.9769,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,3,4,9,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,9,14,4,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,7,7,9,13,2,5,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,0,2,34,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216911890973158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046954326893052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544748518122954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082553981787186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096490239126622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531936242518055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757689025959425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157788888836396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599225841829552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208118430181492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189715863200736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870010828735396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813144040724564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896013008474615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541262653440032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222813580576356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975873035838953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546577819748944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495592437680092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904237339445317,0.0,0.0,0.2727872651793485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946006506956956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625300333561475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clashthetrvth,2019/01/15,"Fear of abandonment lets people mistreat me? Sometimes it’s like I’m aware that objectively people aren’t being very nice to me, but I just can’t stand up for myself because I’m so scared that if I do they’re gonna leave. 
It feels so soul crushing when everyone keeps saying just to tell the person that I’m upset or that they’re hurting my feelings but I just can’t do it. 
Same applies to taking space or distance. Even if I need it, I can’t take time apart from someone if I’m scared of losing them, because taking distance means the possibility of them realizing they’re better off without me and abandoning me. 
I’m so tired of this",4.342376068376069,5.308412861538464,5.383333333333333,82.1938888888889,70.38461538461539,7.623931623931623,28.290598290598286,7.793537801064563,1.6884957264957263,512,18,101,6,9,169,78,130,0.245,0.6809999999999999,0.073,-0.9788,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,2,8,11,0,4,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,21,22,12,0,4,11,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,9,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,0,3,13,3,12,19,1,7,1,4,0,0,5,4,0,5,3,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335723383086588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547736287282398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558611088277453,0.0,0.0,0.16722037755547936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969240981531848,0.1769709164651143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734154302647904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554839246848004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530015096943184,0.0,0.1789497612288226,0.0,0.08549635372091087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578067940539254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906267340263668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297605759794441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426464795282985,0.15280359543336455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728665184370026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916733865132525,0.3504118502957371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827726736727004,0.0,0.17307986608230144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947355554644502,0.0,0.15295805928451586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102044138040596,0.20113721124324807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144393653965289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869413653792928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,apocalypticsoul,2019/01/15,"Should I be concerned that I can't share with my boyfriend my suicidal and negative thoughts? The title says it all. 

I just feel like when I try to, he starts getting upset or he gets in a bubble. This only makes me feel worse. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing and I should be able to openly be 'negative' with close people or it's normal because this is my shit and I need to handle it on my own. ",0.3256847545219621,2.297664488372096,2.2692248062015534,95.81285529715765,84.34883720930233,5.217571059431528,18.857881136950905,6.42735559955562,-0.13347390180878582,310,8,72,3,9,103,59,86,0.26899999999999996,0.7040000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,3,0,7,1,1,1,2,22,16,7,1,5,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,11,3,7,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,3,3,49,19,0,0.26002845462713625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711289821785296,0.1585109324438444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629563992806957,0.1857643799417681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27170827052799484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703676838624048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357101261765467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928078042974366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547726762661166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776335707486312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027098980265546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678506389745413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669154719654557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404947854419806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844289250361041,0.0,0.2450737411757191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275135101381806,0.0,0.0,0.20643354751370932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765422519757811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649912101174207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mvc_account2,2019/01/15,"FPs been ghosting me, need advice on what to do next. So a little back story: my FP has been ghosting me for the past few months. I've been oblivious to the fact till last week, when I saw another of my FPs text her and see her reply to the text. For the record, she keeps leaving me on read and has been avoiding me since October. 

Last week I got so pissed and hurt that I broke my cut clean streak. I asked one of my friends to help me fix things (whatever they might be) but she hasn't texted me since. 

Honestly, she means a lot to me, but idk what to do anymore. If she wants to end this friendship, I wish that she would've done it quickly, and just told me that she didn't want to talk to me instead of dragging it out this long. 

I'm making this post for advice on what to do next, should I confront her or just leave it be?
If anyone has any experience with this sort of thing please do tell me what to do. 
",5.424922279792746,4.144388512953371,5.571196891191708,89.49524093264252,68.01554404145078,8.963523316062178,28.10829015544041,7.554174236665415,1.2156387564766833,705,17,170,6,10,223,108,193,0.084,0.815,0.10099999999999999,0.8139,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,8,8,3,1,6,0,19,1,1,1,1,26,32,13,2,7,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,16,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,9,2,30,2,24,19,2,20,0,2,2,0,16,5,1,6,14,115,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747539806510996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956018939151064,0.14741450940257853,0.0,0.0,0.13942148353262027,0.0982995533012941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142699805850225,0.0,0.0,0.10810036521839296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386617112138778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451563535329258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751806046900011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861479636468947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243781221508124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423044557381884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049800577206235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495745732300055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291893345206959,0.0,0.2977161684444967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090203159571502,0.0,0.12441235502540098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951943081562495,0.0,0.0,0.09384086560118836,0.0,0.0,0.15313711446133774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913733450705027,0.0,0.0,0.11221275248312358,0.0,0.0,0.10424120351128052,0.0,0.0,0.2990252110377951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526330999300442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342032695522678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431893968665786,0.0,0.0,0.13464054491957625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062197501814133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202719155194253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325849609712081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299603852105572,0.12287655219019344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679543396594214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433397067191846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658400898273274,0.0,0.2255358991282079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166458263276826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986679103936501,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Meowmiq,2019/01/15,"My boyfriend destroyed my self worth and I don’t know how to cope anymore My boyfriend got blackout drunk over Christmas and got angry with me, he started saying the worst things to me. 

He said another girl was better than I could ever be, that he thinks about her all the time when we have sex and that he misses her. He said I was pathetic for being raped and a coward for never standing up for myself even though it happened when I was 6 and continued on to when I was 19. He didn’t get me anything either for what it’s worth. 

I have no self worth left. I wake up every morning feeling dead on the inside because of him telling me she’s better than me. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel close to my limit. He says it’s my fault for not being able to get over it. Why am I always the bad guy? I hate myself. 

I know the logical answer is to leave but I hate myself so much. I have no self esteem left. I feel like a shell. ",1.6500567333532388,3.225330583756346,3.1253508510003023,93.29527620185137,78.18781725888324,5.447476858763808,21.232905344879068,5.900188976854957,0.03392349955210516,723,19,161,4,17,237,108,197,0.184,0.752,0.064,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,3,9,11,4,0,7,0,17,4,1,1,3,26,35,12,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,5,9,8,1,1,9,1,3,0,7,8,0,0,9,7,33,3,23,22,4,18,0,1,0,2,22,9,0,0,9,111,42,0,0.1331072397266692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075588645124326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957454668744348,0.0,0.0,0.26401322965317225,0.0,0.0,0.10953591682320372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113898527865106,0.08114093788064533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354450733862741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627529988707232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791607647518898,0.12040311886606245,0.11214859033789402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190905949258714,0.09509183865681654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908607791692895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291603837435227,0.0,0.0,0.13179709441982113,0.11770629249688368,0.0,0.0,0.2628316839062573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194567736961824,0.0,0.0,0.14094134770235975,0.2892428108591064,0.0,0.0,0.06502947382406972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784913671439846,0.0,0.10266050907824717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532309324625091,0.2117044391281061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165796419356896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421398937773948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163415944601872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843053551764092,0.08528974458207493,0.13077718720908296,0.0,0.07761590190468765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010858034658498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeardedBiscuitBandit,2019/01/15,"Been in my head all day I'm not sure why but my anxiety has been crippling and I just keep thinking about these crazy scenarios. What I could have done to change things, what's happened to me, the shit I've done to other people. 

Meanwhile people near me have no idea. I told my SO about my anxiety and I don't think she understood how bad it was.  Lately I find myself contemplating suicide a lot more. It's gotten past the ""I could jump off this bridge"" when I'm passing over a bridge and more into planning. It's not like I'm writing a list but these thoughts just pop in. ""I could pack up my stuff, clean the house, arrange my affairs, go out into the woods and camp for a while, etc."" Just a progression until the inevitable.

It's not even like I can seek professional help because I don't trust anyone enough to open up. Even if I was held against my will I know how to play the game and I'd be out in no time, not that I would want to I'd just be compelled to. It's frustrating as all hell.",1.6608957489878549,3.4894159903846145,2.8054352226720667,94.44745951417005,79.0,5.917408906882592,22.00506072874494,6.8360192770164,0.3511692307692309,778,23,177,8,19,249,121,208,0.204,0.72,0.076,-0.9813,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,12,9,3,0,11,0,19,2,2,3,3,43,34,15,1,6,11,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,14,10,0,2,7,2,0,3,8,4,0,0,11,0,23,5,25,16,7,23,1,0,0,0,6,13,2,2,9,124,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490228246176545,0.0,0.0,0.1073527616485215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281923501545524,0.0935913486575853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241591961912807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677471165067577,0.0,0.0,0.09901508577731044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142319625876962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586390323852385,0.1712281541850366,0.20281215329553207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403249664895692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872554628141525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576735674995558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756756449587025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290889657162844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715468311379334,0.0,0.17331832240618386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646580967753774,0.0,0.0,0.08437687131691987,0.0,0.17319016622534164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001542542286972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052695091492167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656314423462616,0.2128787560497822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759783009082287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575678148690427,0.1679384903043637,0.0,0.14470157738376402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199947520674,0.1967535113739774,0.0,0.1218868239692073,0.08952542485052167,0.0,0.0,0.14670588268738435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905568287804625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385382559481876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906433910428068,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bishiethoughts,2019/01/15,"I love him so much!! So what it's only been a week since i met him? He understands me. He's sorta broken like me. He's a sweetheart. He's so cute! He has a nice c··k!! ***He's going to leave me.***

Ugh. I don't know what to do. I fall in ""love"" then when he doesn't talk to me I question everything! (Like a baby who can't recognize when a person covers their eyes they're not disappearing. Or when they leave the room they're not gone forever.) Then when he responds I fall back in love again. Wtf? 

But... He seems like he really likes me. He calls me handsome, he calls me by my name a lot (he explained he doesnt know why he does that, maybe because I feel ""real"" to him... {*faints*}). We met on here! On a p·rn forum for ftms... oops. Our first communication was sexting... oops ×2. But, I felt this connection with him. It was so strong I couldn't just ignore it. I've been arguing with God over why he's making me suffer, then *he* comes into my life and... It's just too good to be true! No, he's not real! He's going to leave me! He only wants me for my overgrown cl·t!!!

But... he says he feels the same connection. We havent only talked about sex, we talked about how lonely we are and how basic life in. He daydreams and reads alot. His speech is really articulate. (That captured me the most.) He says he just wants to cuddle with me, and that he doesn't just want to f··k me, but actually yanno, ***be*** with me. Like a boyfriend... even though he lives in many states below me and he didn't have a good experience with online relationships. (*enter black guy from 'Holes' here* I can fix that. 😜 ) 

I haven't told him that I'm crazy yet. Again, I don't. Want. To. F··king. RUIN THIS!! AAHHHH!!!!

We haven't spoken yet either (I'm dysphoric about my voice), and I haven't heard his voice yet either. Is this the real life? Or is it just fantasy? 

*Caught in a landslide. No escape from reality.*

I don't connect well with people... like at all. And when I do feel a sliiight connection they leave. I don't want him to leave, but I don't want it to be fake either. 

I'm so confused ***F·CK HELP!!***


(P.s. it was also my first time sexting and like... coming from it? I usually fake it but he and I were just... making love through text? I felt safe with him I NEVER shown my body to anyone else and you can't make me either!) 




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bpd,throwawayappleag,2019/01/15,"Will someone just make to drug to forget people permanently I am on edge right now and no matter how hard I am trying to distract myself, it's just making me more anxious. Why the f**k do I care about people who just don't give a shit. If you guys know anything that works just tell it to me already. I don't want to bear this anymore and just want for this feeling to get over with once and for all. ",4.6325,4.487489630952382,5.15009523809524,88.06157142857145,69.35714285714286,7.196190476190478,26.323809523809523,5.6839178017228535,0.7134838095238099,315,8,69,1,5,101,60,84,0.14400000000000002,0.754,0.10099999999999999,-0.1811,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,8,3,1,1,2,0,6,2,1,3,1,20,15,5,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,12,14,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,1,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23869590879436836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443609954031183,0.21451460605020128,0.0,0.0,0.1779990652479398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053548101687448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508429865517957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936937367852737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300947020955138,0.20749769475794785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141741292674604,0.0,0.0,0.1937651394198062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887455644130215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887680693935374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303557992881376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999147432967155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472171137450408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220320788832273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327296017499767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905849025569446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685564283055966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551624085130013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951799523845342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747127203046352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StonedLostMoose,2019/01/15,"Anyone shut down when ppl talk about sex in group setting? Just don't know how to handle it, how to act, what to say or what so I just go silent and back out of the group, lol. Anyone else do something like this and if so, any tips or tricks on how to come out of shell? Why is sex such a huge deal for me and why does it fuck up my head so much 😂?",2.1501265822784816,1.901277177215192,3.1188354430379768,100.84356962025318,74.69620253164557,6.32,18.331645569620253,3.1291,-0.9679235443037976,263,2,74,0,5,84,59,79,0.059000000000000004,0.8440000000000001,0.09699999999999999,0.4836,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,12,3,2,0,2,1,3,4,1,3,0,15,7,13,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,14,7,1,14,0,0,0,3,5,8,1,3,3,45,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125572894614066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35217632133191595,0.2580336529706859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364477090024088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693265813340995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596297553617292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203815959791482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037495943321105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328164385541111,0.0,0.0,0.14312304331122547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25845429765033545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384013587055147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303335251272565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851269374102258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026847332506276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387408634551653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241459821008664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544819583059518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MissingQuark,2019/01/15,"Anyone have any tips on holding in anger? I'm a shitty person. I have literally the most amazing parents in the world and I hate myself for always losing patience with them. I'm looking for just some quick tips on holding back anger in the moment, any are appreciated 

​

thanks",3.515157232704404,6.476967716981138,4.330471698113207,79.74841194968555,79.37735849056604,5.042767295597487,25.81446540880504,6.42735559955562,1.2517446540880504,231,9,37,2,6,74,38,53,0.256,0.5920000000000001,0.152,-0.7909999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,3,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,2,8,8,2,9,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,2,3,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262643880379308,0.29463193201305937,0.3304201056907589,0.3698382914383688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190137126751842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090944684199232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684708326640847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834952777679315,0.30421586995217603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301941872923036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374354755421334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503531172548081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304201056907589,0.0
bpd,threedrawershelf,2019/01/15,"Have you ever had one of your anger outbursts in public? If so,what happened. Do you call them tantrums or outbursts or..

Anyways,with me I got so angry one time for many internal reasons inside my head and I started ripping apart my sandwich and through it on the ground.

Then I cried because my boyfriend yelled at me for that.
",4.3828571428571435,6.2103818888888895,3.9335238095238085,89.30314285714289,71.38095238095238,5.674920634920635,33.234920634920634,5.6839178017228535,1.6718787301587312,261,13,49,1,5,78,51,63,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.9192,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,7,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,12,0,7,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,4,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656035757901865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125030911014362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361727572896441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27683250275370186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447697382538025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27063192256688434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140873766308547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31027854442334657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147639480493372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146621387193064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166180969353759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845554650176787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,summerkoala,2019/01/15,"Calm before the BPD Storm Found out 4 days before my wedding that my now husband cheated on me. We have a family and I need time (more than 4 days) to think through it all. I have been so proud of myself for being so calm, composed, and rational with my behaviours in the month since our wedding. But I am terrified I am not truly allowing myself to feel the pain of this situation to protect myself. My now husband is Army and I have a small child to look after alone away from family. I am terrified I will start to feel this betrayal and break down and become more manic. He leves in a week for a few months and I am torn between opening up a discussion or letting myself think alone for a few more months. I guess that's why I made an account and put this post up so I am not alone with my thoughts.",4.0891186252771625,4.766063067073173,5.118447893569846,84.9205654101996,70.76829268292683,8.402660753880268,27.713968957871394,8.575989854853784,1.8265195121951217,629,21,132,10,11,207,95,164,0.172,0.759,0.069,-0.9487,0,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,10,0,13,1,0,2,1,27,24,12,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,12,0,1,6,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,3,23,3,25,17,6,24,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,2,11,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716123549510587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260757934133633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676352837231774,0.2583167532542507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116866533026788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957783261953705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861799336238368,0.0,0.153494732569442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642508955487778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720896453710554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552110724848864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746168624582235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362321649027054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36346148313290855,0.0,0.0,0.11254710833770147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151059329164552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536865927560855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258646394519745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255586270994746,0.17061338792306466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743463770406476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451618320309566,0.0,0.12050082164060193,0.08850741122713318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121753262712841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369629064633768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BloodlessCorpse,2019/01/15,"Are parts a BPD thing or more of an OSDD thing? Trying to figure myself out. See if you find this relatable:  


Do you envision your brain as being made out of (an uncertain amount of) parts that sometimes talk to each other? And do you feel yourself becoming a different person sometimes (that's more than just ""now I'm angry, now I'm sad and more like ""now I'm a functioning adult, now I'm schizotypal and imagine things changing around me, now I'm very BPD and need people, now I don't need anyone, now I'm more of a teenager, now I can finally understand myself and feel alive, now I must have made it all up)? Like there's multiple parallel versions of you? And do you have a headspace filled with characters representing different parts of yourself (that keep changing but with therapy are staying more or less the same)... but then sometimes you feel like you made it all up and just have a good imagination and maybe just have no idea how people work?",7.147554347826084,6.781665603260876,7.041434782608698,77.35139130434786,64.16304347826087,10.838260869565218,33.61739130434783,10.355215969177356,3.280882173913043,757,28,145,16,10,241,97,184,0.048,0.8740000000000001,0.078,0.7466,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,8,0,1,15,6,0,1,9,0,13,1,1,4,3,43,30,16,0,4,8,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,14,0,1,9,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,4,14,4,17,25,15,18,0,1,1,0,11,5,0,4,14,105,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214249766382782,0.0,0.0,0.1045792427819189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974387638162574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959157897046156,0.13114294096480594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485497176414076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24547646771509835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178199372758006,0.08392543675670155,0.0,0.12869007280309944,0.10737165076185913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853395135516474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261698790721874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441876185105016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217966556856515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33347811568028657,0.0,0.0,0.11802121778520595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421509108296698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816477216452665,0.0,0.16288721829764533,0.10257619502415563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093613785732427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34856262474049765,0.0,0.0,0.12521461916139345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944233876810041,0.0,0.0,0.1343449387769307,0.0,0.2341390624298866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975902381136582,0.0,0.0,0.12229747342809455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969306485713744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552449666489903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dogpiebaker,2019/01/15,"Can BPDs become physically dangerous when dissociating? I have a partner with BPD and she has told that she has threatened her ex-boyfriend in the past during a dissociative episode and she has hard time remembering when that happened, but was able to remember it when the dude mentioned about it.

Now, I am already at somewhat edge between leaving or staying, but honestly this doesn’t help me to feel safe with her. I have felt pretty good and safe with her minus the conflicts we have had.. but I’m not sure what to make out of this.",8.675841584158412,7.709291831683168,7.9434455445544545,74.09041584158419,61.37623762376238,10.852277227722773,39.011881188118814,9.888512548439397,3.693331089108911,429,19,80,7,5,134,73,101,0.095,0.7040000000000001,0.201,0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,0,11,0,0,1,1,23,17,10,0,0,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,3,11,5,12,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,6,59,18,0,0.2189383178075732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24160387794681334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24180017090843056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757451469794857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107017918439069,0.0,0.210215119208358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363507351886066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360643138233868,0.0,0.1961257288873761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674973940474606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23182406636071465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461430272204548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090013977343655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227389789563448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960288692032605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333591161127569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063467735050756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276646937689086,0.0,0.0,0.20920494506062332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Catnado1,2019/01/15,"I wanna die (TW: Suicide) I regularly fantasize about dying instantly in a car crash or overdosing on drugs. I'm just so tired of everything. So many bad things happened to me when I was too little to process them, and now I'm a completely fucked up person. The few people who are close to me I'm constantly lashing out at. I constantly underachieve in life and I'm a college dropout despite doing well in school. Therapy and medicine aren't helping, and nobody really understands, even the great people who give me tons of leeway, which just makes me feel even worse, like I'm manipulative and awful. I want to be humanely euthanized lol. Would prefer never to have been born. I feel like an okay person trapped in a prison of impossible mood swings and unbreakable habits and it'll never get better. I really don't want to kill myself though, it'd be much easier if it was a freak accident. ",4.862755656108597,6.597426135294121,5.9605882352941215,75.61957013574663,70.0,9.936651583710407,28.95927601809955,10.214889679676881,3.185755656108598,713,27,128,20,13,237,113,170,0.22699999999999998,0.654,0.11900000000000001,-0.9712,0,1,1,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,1,2,12,11,2,0,8,3,13,4,0,2,2,25,28,13,4,6,4,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,2,13,6,19,20,3,18,0,0,0,1,8,10,1,2,9,83,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146109340252467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865609658948302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252217532222745,0.31440205608504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30194908965077083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869862700392127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921626826007681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307387543174746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471076662694462,0.10392355722841083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448436056065066,0.07600189554773654,0.13954775731757035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038081842260138,0.0,0.0,0.12863834370256008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975052495984951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094063040283565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274952593059453,0.1421382600220594,0.14579881986138474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710213049788392,0.14748340721407754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693694120047856,0.0,0.22439034602737126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017006977468042,0.2540369996469335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18638318380383084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472230665068833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912020204126762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635723891203766,0.0,0.09664358107295676,0.0,0.14292320656605045,0.0,0.0,0.16719597963867466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143905077955713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160355396370094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307946983927903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824601572323098,0.10333747577650776,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daily_k,2019/01/15,"Am i in love? I’m seeking answers in any places i can get, i can hardly form a thought right now. 

In may of 2016 i met a guy, someone who wasn’t like anyone i had met before, this guy and i began dating, i fell in love, and he left me. 

He left me for someone he used to be with, he crushed my soul, he made me fall into a very VERY dark hole. Inside that hole i cut all of my hair off, got myself hospitalized, (this is the hospital visit that i was diagnosed with bpd) and started abusing alcohol worse than ever before. 

We had a mutual friend that i for the most part stayed in contact with, he tried his best to comfort me in my time of heartbreak but i still fell off of the map entirely. recently my friend has told me that he has got back into contact with my ex, at first the thought of that made me cringe, but then i realized i could potentially heal some of my scars.

So i got back into contact with him, this is where my problem lies. We’ve been talking for about a month now, at first it was a lot, i overshared, he told me that it was okay, then he began talking about how amazing i am. He was talking about how “cute” he thinks my glasses are, and how “pretty” my eyes are. He told me he regretted leaving me so much, that he still feels guilty about it. 

I have just recently come to find out he has a girlfriend! well fuck! Apparently they just started dating, i definitely noticed a change in between when he was single and when he wasn’t. He stopped giving me affection when i asked for it, he also stopped complimenting my appearance. I took it fairly well though, i didn’t act out or anything, i mostly just went into a manic state of laughter. 

I was telling him how much i wanted to be close to him, (when i said close i meant i wanted to be in a relationship with him, though he didn’t know that.) He said “remember what happened last time i got close to an ex?” I unfortunately do! He said he didn’t exactly want to tell his girlfriend that his ex wanted a bond.

He frequently ghosts me now, either he wont respond or leaves me on open for hours at a time, luckily i’m not afraid to double text. I was thinking about how he’s going to leave her for me, and we’re going to live happily every after, but as i begin to speak with him more i’m unsure of what i want. He’s friends with some people that don’t like me, they’re his closest friends, the girl he’s dating is inside of their “group” so i’m worried it would cause drama and for those people to attack me. Not only that but i don’t want to hurt his girlfriend. 

Does this make me a terrible person? I’m trying to decide if i really want to do this or not, because my feelings for him never really died but i can’t tell if that’s bpd talking or actually how i feel. He’s not the best at talking, he’s kinda dry, doesn’t really understand me or care about me, (part of the reason being he has a girlfriend) but i still feel so inclined to be his. 

i’m concerned about so many things and i cannot even decide what my heart wants right now, i feel like i want him but i also don’t know. There are so many things that are holding me back from speaking, while i am 99% sure he does have feelings for me that 1% is really a burden. 

I think i love him? All bpd cliches aside, he is constantly on my mind. I absolute don’t want anyone to get hurt though. 

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bpd,scapegoatbaby,2019/01/15,"Does anyone else hole up in their bedrooms when you notice your BPD has you lashing at people you love? I'll admit it. I've been a toxic piece of work lately, I know I have. And that's why I'm spending as much time as I can holing myself up in my room away from my housemate (and friend) that I care about. I've been taking my issues out on him, oversharing my thoughts, and have been generally difficult AF to be around. So I've removed myself from the main living area, and I've noticed that he's been doing the same. Probably to avoid difficult, moody me. 

So I've just been in here, feeling a lot of guilt, shame and remorse about my behavior lately. And I'm trying, when I do see him, to be polite, respectful, and not be too much in his ""space"". I heated him up some stew and made him a grilled cheese today, which we ate together in near silence. He's definitely still pissed and uncomfortable by my behavior.

This feels shitty, and I really hate using mental illness as any excuse for toxic behavior, so I'm not looking for sympathy. I know I've been an ass lately. But I'm just curious if other people do the same (basically just hiding yourself away) when feeling intense shame for your behavior?",4.330840336134454,5.506401831932774,5.586806722689079,79.943487394958,70.59663865546219,8.457142857142857,27.445378151260506,8.841846274778883,2.1186991596638656,948,32,180,17,17,317,137,238,0.17800000000000002,0.733,0.08900000000000001,-0.9737,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,5,1,1,15,13,2,4,7,0,16,5,2,2,0,35,36,21,0,1,7,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,7,13,1,1,7,0,1,1,2,9,0,0,9,5,29,4,31,24,8,28,0,0,2,2,18,18,2,3,9,124,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961047567375294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988166057234972,0.14480252194449406,0.0,0.12580778640474075,0.0,0.0,0.2655559687616221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799187235741318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408862283937726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367305783776422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805756469819975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143720687684505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918610662665296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395275971233684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750491040499594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533528708660213,0.0,0.4782568452344669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247911494840409,0.0,0.11867606100368053,0.0,0.0,0.12014809909669168,0.12754988421167368,0.13372361612156855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242074543521815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777791662629835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217952503207418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595169961582054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237052554881272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905353874680565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261645090052776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128610480939986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062576072845011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219499193219258,0.08240680979076066,0.0,0.1339580566697473,0.0,0.0,0.09594931044237598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220580406353584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752238512945172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288511680303404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SoftwareKitten,2019/01/15,"My catchphrase is, “you make me so happy. I wish I could make you as happy as you make me.” But no one will ever love me as much as I love them. ",-0.8009090909090908,0.3962373939393977,1.9303030303030293,100.81545454545456,84.15151515151516,4.4,14.030303030303033,3.1291,-1.5164060606060603,106,1,29,0,3,37,20,33,0.047,0.51,0.44299999999999995,0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,7,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,11,4,4,7,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022846054146428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291755225945637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5394055600395421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45732839243580103,0.0,0.50735243366712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862462306054924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168096882063147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913475520892023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,exiledgod,2019/01/15,"Emotional reactivity What is the best way to control your emotional responses? I just can’t seem to contain myself, no matter how many times I meditate.",4.701111111111112,7.915480592592592,6.712592592592598,62.9666666666667,76.40740740740742,11.007407407407408,34.925925925925924,10.504223727775694,5.395725925925928,124,7,18,5,3,43,24,27,0.07400000000000001,0.64,0.28600000000000003,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32783328496750397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503711495981132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.702791805314892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167137066900832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843874753599388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215670605591086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24796007636479644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meh80,2019/01/15,Stressed about weight gain and new love interest So basically just what the title says. I gained 10 more pounds due to my old meds. Hopefully now that I'm off them I'll lose it. But I'm seeing a new guy and I know things are gonna go farther than just kissing soon and he's so skinny compared to me I'm so worried about it. He complements me all the time so I know he thinks I look good but I don't want that to change when clothes are removed from the situation. I think I'm overthinking it. :(,0.4392857142857167,2.6572391428571467,2.0948809523809544,95.62803571428572,86.14285714285714,5.785714285714287,21.13095238095238,7.1686216300943375,0.4655238095238104,390,13,91,6,12,127,71,105,0.102,0.757,0.141,0.4738,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,11,7,0,1,4,0,3,4,1,0,1,14,18,10,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,3,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,10,5,8,17,2,12,0,1,2,2,7,2,0,1,8,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921796928025344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777149316140335,0.1738116053899707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051866368285524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582249351175344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277723320188376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401791747774487,0.2318332455870235,0.0,0.0,0.1870298444128052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301817256374128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002809422380483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174491635710103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479468708165332,0.0,0.0,0.16513254732002586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23293106606902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23737704936089826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376719589736553,0.2655645167869544,0.0,0.0,0.12083533363420335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222745255677896,0.0,0.0,0.2523458306064698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104483869166743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cleo-33,2019/01/15,"I did my best and it still wasn’t good enough I fell for someone, the real kind of falling where I saw a chance at being mutually supportive and respectful. 

I didn’t send too many messages back to back, I waited hours and days for responses even though with this disorder that feels hellish, I was thoughtful about my wording so I didn’t come off accusatory or aggressive. The worst parts of me were kept at bay because I really wanted to do the right things and be there for someone else, too. 

I did everything I could to be a normal, likable person and he still told me I’m not patient enough for him. And then he didn’t even respond. 

Sorry if this is whiny, I just wanted this year to start off better. Thanks to anyone that reads this. ",4.774520547945205,5.772619876712335,5.0560547945205485,84.81736986301371,69.41095890410958,8.305753424657535,27.61369863013699,8.548686976883017,1.8263254794520545,586,19,117,9,10,185,94,146,0.106,0.745,0.14800000000000002,0.7566,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,14,10,2,0,5,0,14,0,0,0,0,22,27,11,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,2,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,12,2,16,7,17,11,5,19,1,0,1,0,8,6,0,2,9,88,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030938062884743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426152293173471,0.0,0.09616896243841463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555926770209478,0.13952579924637112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589617306674573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259584322035424,0.0,0.0,0.1017420755394022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080649742098592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178814173043235,0.0,0.0,0.32601626892970265,0.0,0.20839783411702406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178441342601514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976813868761021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232150779471075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536170973558178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428264487751826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994376335527902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545711930175578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083858331730487,0.0,0.0,0.13774984766942602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780257840553394,0.1795652886892283,0.10106502286203588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134726080948812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26733887949105656,0.0,0.0,0.17659927676527248,0.11166325953698683,0.0,0.2519744980354289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790240494791664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452441076325014,0.0,0.0,0.10480865849880004,0.0,0.1549982873381571,0.12524372780349227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074633204907958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861017367618503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159219444178136
bpd,bluelamp4,2019/01/15,"Old messages I was deleting old social media things and happened upon old Facebook messages from 2010/2011 (im 30 now). I had no idea about the BPD until recently, but going through those messages and seeing how much I compulsively lied about the smallest things, or that i had 0 loyalty to friends because I needed everyone to like me, is really making feel immense guilt. How embarrassing. I know that this was 9 years ago, and I’m not friends with these people anymore, however I can help but think all of these people still think about how horrible I am, or how different my life would have been had I not acted like that. I just didn’t know. I’m honestly so ashamed of myself. 

Sleep is out the window now. 

Just wondering how anyone copes with these feelings of past guilt? 

Thanks in advance. Everyone’s words are always incredibly appreciated. ",6.191678321678323,7.743033179487183,6.279370629370633,75.30199300699302,66.56410256410257,9.262470862470863,33.412587412587406,9.573946990214177,3.3163923076923085,680,30,115,14,11,216,104,156,0.131,0.6729999999999999,0.196,0.9313,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,14,10,0,4,3,0,14,2,1,6,1,32,29,14,0,2,8,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,10,6,0,0,8,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,7,3,13,6,16,21,2,17,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,3,13,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207144210181654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397236313108916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775893646241184,0.10417790058252442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082346896446686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764882123995832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556637780460027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28473437714656696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066855011744446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302199974966273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467496122825757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317521596710949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986545880577304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681925893986539,0.16093573756341634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376300295465376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523667793670123,0.1455788545684243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945258181605528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952545365759044,0.11047486352980113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690226556589139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222867148147889,0.2065830589109126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544738483771632,0.0,0.14711053807106658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872645634783413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909849814597034,0.151877458359137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898432416182755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371708019651339,0.0,0.0,0.19796586551443912,0.19093470379728328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157427411476094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058388596793119,0.0,0.0,0.0959452539048036
bpd,RareSnoot,2019/01/15,"Does Anyone Elses symptoms get about ten times worse while in a relationship? My most serious boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of last year. As soon as he broke up with me my symptoms decreased exponentially and I was doing great. I thought it was just because he was toxic but now I'm seeing another person and my symptoms are getting really bad again. Now I'm trying to figure out if this dude is toxic too or it's just me lol. Thanks bpd!!! I'm having so much fun!!!! 🙃🙃🙃🙃

On a side note, why does having BPD make every guy think you are his manic pixie dream girl? Is it because I invented a personality that matches his so he likes me or is it his fault for objectifying and idealizing me? We may never know.",1.5208561643835594,3.9123370273972635,3.809845890410962,84.00052226027398,82.83561643835617,6.389726027397263,22.138698630136986,7.645422480735847,1.110631506849316,570,19,114,10,16,196,99,146,0.102,0.763,0.136,0.8114,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,1,10,10,0,0,4,1,12,3,0,1,1,22,24,12,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,1,16,5,14,19,2,17,0,2,1,0,13,7,0,5,11,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625003569108435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835916057634264,0.15878586005218132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939411377729745,0.18893747719220272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903605013924219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712319176537554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294581868778183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305695514653264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619316547267256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085581304538794,0.0,0.15344541960787048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516787838112816,0.12632185532722173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571088681233272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344418751461702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392134179818995,0.0,0.11952300589033435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27062898509421235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927823888166372,0.0,0.0,0.1663806030227282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349163379294648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832218792803617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426762573771715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992990073359035,0.0,0.1230294752347588,0.09036469801125584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521497537070848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398370092369474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792844678215334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979609030586063
bpd,Okkthrowawayyy,2019/01/15,HAE had a crush on someone from their DBT group? Trying not to think about this person and focus on my skills is becoming a bit of a chore.,3.5231034482758616,4.2588235517241415,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,72.10344827586206,7.179310344827586,21.396551724137925,7.1686216300943375,0.4049172413793101,109,2,24,1,2,35,26,29,0.06,0.94,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060251259040105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5002151906203779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40006614145840014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882154346786178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935840054360376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31107495160244125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bailey_green12345,2019/01/15,"BPD in the workplace I've been working for my boss for a few years. 

Shortly after I started working for my employer, they revealed to me that they are bipolar and have been taking meds for some time. This revelation made no difference to me, and the workplace seemed to be prettymuch fine- until the past month or so. 

Lately, my Boss has been saying things to me that sounds like they are living in a slightly different dimension than the rest of us. I don't know if it's gaslighting, dissassociation, or what, but it's very worrying. Is this possibly a sign that my Boss may not currently be taking meds? I've not seen this behaviour before. ",7.089449648711941,7.225856680327872,7.262880562060889,74.03352459016395,64.1639344262295,10.577985948477751,34.64168618266979,10.290406445055957,3.523565339578454,513,21,93,11,7,166,80,122,0.044000000000000004,0.929,0.027000000000000003,-0.4569,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,4,0,18,19,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,3,13,2,14,11,3,12,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,6,10,69,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906401714298582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23543231692267386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39060500017149385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273206875764487,0.0,0.2108656529581694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132475972807963,0.0,0.1650629833000228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687808074494854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152751066003986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492060757591524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844623503868826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073595882225965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486545707646953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017443139765767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323103115707701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810968202347557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418826316544468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900062964833926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248542760130659,0.0,0.0,0.15423717130306405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721751404149369,0.18983691270168146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037706005974134
bpd,ddkk11,2019/01/15,"suffocating mods, if this isnt allowed just lmk or take it down but i thought i'd try

​

i have a lot on my mind and no ways to deal with anything and i'm drowning but at the same time am numb and so empty? 

i dont know what i need right now

does anyone in canada want to chat on the phone? if so do you want to dm me w your numbers?

idk im sorry theres a lot

​",-1.6130407523510968,0.26053235632183913,1.0577638453500526,101.5658934169279,93.2528735632184,3.6234064785788926,17.104493207941484,4.851557810540192,-0.994094252873563,293,8,76,1,11,100,66,87,0.14800000000000002,0.8170000000000001,0.035,-0.8492,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,20,12,10,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,9,11,3,9,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,5,2,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37833998152211895,0.4242959540313413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220785481913959,0.0,0.14367406007838268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999633525602848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278633829490804,0.0,0.204620125331584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858895297367004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595101041765958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29686317189889794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176287806200633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294575037119058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491003237620055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544106943808734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127120018552593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386062760317074,0.10180580102589397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853627670177636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059573692669495,0.13858273320451714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242959540313413,0.0
bpd,Neptune23456,2019/01/15,"Hey I don't have BPD but if anyone feels alone tonight, or is in a really bad place, you can PM me. I don't know what I expect to achieve by posting this but I guess in my own way I could do with someone with BPD to talk to because you are all so real and genuine. ",4.505499999999998,2.613327883333337,5.780000000000001,89.24500000000003,70.16666666666666,8.666666666666668,30.0,6.42735559955562,1.2544999999999995,203,6,52,1,3,69,46,60,0.133,0.867,0.0,-0.8266,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,14,11,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,8,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505108514170447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912549957545578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019565675694848,0.14744551844393816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6092693452161392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311850588520407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229990077759788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664539613795717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292886270415338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527092030135354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165058901987046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27530812867273724,0.1549521208777117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049409637336114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441096956306725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199011073591687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,perfectrhyme,2019/01/15,"Mindfulness Practices I have a really hard time with being in the present moment. I’m constantly thinking and worrying about a million and four things at a time. Are there any mindfulness apps that help you remember to be mindful? Are there any apps that have a guided body scan? 

Any helpful ideas, tips or advice would really help me out! ",5.509193548387097,7.703436693548388,5.4234193548387095,78.26512903225809,69.16129032258064,9.476129032258065,30.14193548387097,9.888512548439397,3.25795741935484,273,11,46,7,5,85,46,62,0.064,0.7979999999999999,0.138,0.6965,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,7,1,1,0,0,12,9,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,6,6,0,8,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,5,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995352189376276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756938655222013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045539936812996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900545508582973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496614653021696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37030438307994057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788787167816308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5578302604124856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359480136681721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861100576761168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234398255554647,0.11799868633877925,0.0,0.0,0.2147637915585346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701770476516152,0.0,0.13081798287452964,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bibliophile91,2019/01/15,"Not a real person outside of relationships? Does anyone feel like they don’t exist or aren’t a whole person outside of relationships?

I can only feel excited about my life and my plans goals upcoming trips..everything..if I’m sharing them with someone. On my own I feel like it is all empty and meaningless.

I basically stop living my life and caring about anything unless I’m in a relationship. But it also takes me six+ months to get over each relationship and I’m finding it harder and harder to trust people enough to want to spend time with anyone, let alone form a new relationship. ",5.620472972972973,7.175332342342343,6.617646396396395,72.33025337837842,67.91891891891892,9.153603603603603,28.289414414414416,9.516144504307137,2.700936036036036,474,16,80,10,8,158,74,111,0.079,0.759,0.162,0.8577,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,2,3,6,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,20,15,9,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,10,6,14,14,6,7,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,6,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369990747623803,0.0,0.10578186557195572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849823018004904,0.0,0.10885269662878548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486521278959898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575649022770924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136677496300013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006496703270773,0.18899742413971646,0.0,0.0,0.12089877755685426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910927065692804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526219001734688,0.18686230774200685,0.12924771693884238,0.0,0.11680301052071998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055822358728034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775394659766284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006026157654354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917042135055687,0.2309983407512093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056018008552058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7100799498260726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207786909667164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105894912735164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994558385981158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771317798639249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802039916964518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476825416770245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,charlatansweb,2019/01/15,"404 Error: Coping Skills Not Found I'm so incredibly raw right now. I sent my abusive boyfriend to jail. The violence was escalating and becoming more frequent, people were worried I would die. He was awful and said vicious things. But even still... I miss him. I miss belonging to someone. I'm so not ready for another relationship. I'm so lonely.  
I went on a date and I must have scared them off because they ghosted. I didn't let on about it... but I started to obsess about them. Researching them. Thinking about them constantly.   
My friend has had to reschedule plans and I'm able to rationalize and not get angry like I would have years ago... but it hurts. It hurts worse than anything else.   
I've worked really hard on recovery from BPD. In a lot of ways, I've made a lot of progress, I don't experience splitting as harshly anymore, I can think my way out. I still get very worked up in these areas, though.  
Does anyone have any advice or resources for coping with perceived abandonment, fear of rejection, and obsessing about your favorite person? ",2.5661463620981384,5.427324487309643,3.3645494923857875,85.56039445854485,83.31472081218273,6.532064297800338,25.467216582064296,7.793537801064563,1.7844384094754648,832,34,152,16,24,263,131,197,0.267,0.6629999999999999,0.07,-0.9891,0,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,5,5,12,14,1,4,4,1,15,0,0,1,1,26,31,15,2,3,7,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,12,0,0,10,2,22,2,26,17,3,23,0,7,0,0,13,10,0,3,10,96,27,3,0.1364689135837221,0.16169334703482022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335584292216165,0.12097145782889875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280354095538064,0.14309955483630662,0.0,0.0,0.13534049198407086,0.09542223743802612,0.0,0.11230228797438242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831901830619761,0.15071919323521185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187781933790178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747441411425374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163318663709765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942486592489512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400226599068478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013643035307116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349278381631272,0.0,0.15356546839808186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963111986155814,0.10543554410900677,0.0,0.1425987496016058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224934134462424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921855890171599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954871019113316,0.0,0.06667181786592037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204198030869705,0.0,0.12913018571320525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461036164025743,0.11915939148992427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742548052797901,0.0,0.0,0.14651654112373158,0.0,0.11654370654702308,0.12981318788487914,0.0,0.13662918969176735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156296676211244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659339943620192,0.0,0.21796850134408527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906638822538912,0.17488753890246675,0.134080014705487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260114588739345,0.0,0.2166453429953893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650805011564978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198701988851732,0.13859080610297578,0.13907348180727255,0.19388720145092608,0.0,0.0,0.08788150603883117
bpd,Jam032,2019/01/15,"m/32/cali and Im way too clingy  

Hello, my parents died when I was 3 and then 6 after that I was raised first by my sister, then aunt, then sister again. Unfortunately it wasn't nurturing anywhere I lived. Mostly just got yelled at and spanked or shook for my adhd. So now I have abandonment issues, childhood emotional neglect and I get overly attached and clingy. Just trying to figure out how to stop being so clingy because that's no fun to anyone and it ruins friendships.

it sucks as it is because I dont have a lot of good friends and the really good friend I was talking too.... well you can imagine she got tired of it which is understandable, but confusing at the same time because for 3 months we talked every day, i thought it was because she wanted too she even said when she wasnt doing anything she would think about what I was doing. I was super confused when she said she needed to be a person without me, because she said she had no problem with the way I was and looked forward to talking to me in the mornings before work. We are still friends but a lot has changed, i'm glad it did because I really need to fix whats wrong with me, but at the same time I feel abandoned even though she still talks to me.",5.890857142857144,5.691906800000003,6.021122448979592,83.0635204081633,66.71428571428571,8.306122448979592,30.969387755102037,7.447530270364453,1.8405102040816328,966,33,194,8,14,307,138,245,0.154,0.735,0.11,-0.8143,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,1,0,3,20,20,1,3,8,0,24,1,0,1,0,43,40,23,1,5,7,4,1,0,3,1,1,4,0,1,12,13,0,4,6,0,0,2,6,10,1,1,17,6,33,10,25,20,5,28,0,4,1,0,29,7,1,6,19,144,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301752091984243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573731363270914,0.0,0.08913513070274286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961718665307605,0.0,0.09216923990722692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458434095447595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985508794304071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241527515114813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694596091940324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184131996750468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308386134452414,0.0,0.09126120041548737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476800343941971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213383590842572,0.0,0.0,0.2510548406729238,0.0,0.05659082469756214,0.0,0.0,0.1817012384453579,0.17326096735776628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700025017202625,0.1130541327534324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564532557923812,0.0,0.09095845771186012,0.0,0.0,0.1841733825410313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645708086134311,0.0,0.0,0.16063040896201053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202724934318912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457766289976707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036441229304708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387804607398403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091009723247462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730031614388653,0.09055732254967386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482423315797597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940474641936219,0.10642026846439226,0.08599108651601046,0.126320274874808,0.1244937156590589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735396947163955,0.0,0.0,0.11276114514339056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388779233630351,0.17195296117599668,0.0,0.0,0.09738941107683127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441310057791912,0.0,0.07885559620670535,0.0,0.0,0.07694483057575642,0.11842692999344125,0.0,0.0
bpd,pringlescanofemotion,2019/01/15,"Best relationship I’ve ever had and I want to die I’ve been dating this guy since October and we’re pretty mad for each other. I freak out knowing it’s been such a short time, we’re always together it feels like it’s been forever. He loves me so much and he shows it like no one ever has and I’ve been just fine and suddenly these couple of weeks I’m reminded that I am sick and my brain just doesn’t work right I want to fucking die. 

Just die. I don’t plan on dying I just want to be dead. I feel disgusting, a fraud, inadequate. I feel like a half baked human and want to die. I wish I could just take what I have and feel satisfied. ",-0.154673913043478,1.9447718478260896,2.224474637681162,94.47627717391305,87.76811594202898,6.058695652173912,16.596014492753625,7.413659706084162,0.0668101449275369,497,11,118,9,16,169,84,138,0.256,0.551,0.193,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,3,0,3,0,12,5,1,0,2,28,26,9,6,6,5,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,9,10,1,0,5,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,5,4,13,6,8,19,3,10,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,9,68,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750835029191576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559196976804885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423475921427098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315914154745597,0.14296213016710782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6704684627508215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337454214677817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26131835926807784,0.18460719385275814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944731821303099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793259706860274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100731905823386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936812322624616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661194946657133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498004668387557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755219571587769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144725021251458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871709368016918,0.0,0.11033978917960556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687915434082833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714557412326508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534008202684077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048322382072835,0.0,0.10363991752375258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857859946320573,0.0,0.0,0.0940622887715616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RomanticDreamer,2019/01/15,"Another midnight It's past midnight and once more I can't sleep. I am constant thinking about how lonely I am without friends and without a lover. I've been single for so long. I wish I had a man who could love this strange being that I am. I want to be held, kissed sweetly and listen to hopeful whispers that everything is going to be ok.

My bed is empty and the future looks cold. I have no will to live another day, plus another, plus another. Every midnight wishing for love that won't come. I think I am already dead in my mind, should take another extra dose of tablets and shut my body.

Maybe in heaven I will find love, for sure I will get some peace.

​",1.879371002132196,4.232476276119403,3.0249466950959487,90.42298507462688,81.01492537313433,5.619616204690832,25.989339019189767,6.868970318607317,1.1588503198294244,527,22,105,6,14,169,89,134,0.12,0.625,0.255,0.9668,0,3,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,3,1,19,8,2,1,1,24,35,9,1,6,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,2,1,1,6,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,5,15,11,15,23,4,10,1,1,1,5,8,3,0,2,5,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315049008068727,0.0,0.0,0.13073425415456993,0.14661420362691996,0.0,0.63260875528797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340252334406708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393726569147924,0.0,0.1303897914376609,0.0,0.0963365982910476,0.0,0.0,0.07781523863918938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166062770718368,0.0,0.10844075971096198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102803746388744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932210423690094,0.0,0.06303948156532296,0.0,0.06857343614009262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198418669590949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654433418994573,0.1067796451977844,0.10132338676421564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266990698985921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121844099757545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183145311507465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849817042556538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518291333885625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074639530846833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371992143610285,0.0,0.090720744760763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462715929063947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116795573765662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775043808317984,0.23262243532363636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661420362691996,0.0
bpd,throwme-in-thetrash,2019/01/15,"My fiancée said that proposing to me might have been a mistake She said she doesn’t know what she loves about me anymore and that she is tired of dealing with my fits all the time. I stayed calm and agreed while we were talking and now I’m alone and I want to die. I want to get better for her, I want to be a good partner, but I don’t know how. I do try to regulate my emotion and not burden her but I’ve failed. We aren’t broken up yet but I know I’m driving her away. I’m too broken to be in a relationship, but I love her so much... it feels like my worst nightmare is coming true and I’m about to become the bullet she tells everyone she dodged. Her crazy ex. I don’t want to lose her. ",0.18364035087719088,1.9362435921052672,2.025157894736843,98.59177192982456,83.47368421052632,4.8428070175438584,18.685964912280703,5.6839178017228535,-0.5292592982456137,534,13,132,3,15,176,87,152,0.191,0.632,0.177,-0.8147,1,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,2,0,0,3,7,12,0,0,5,0,13,3,0,1,2,28,31,13,1,5,5,1,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,4,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,3,29,7,16,24,3,11,0,2,0,2,24,4,0,1,5,87,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289813082658226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555831702924528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684438915332893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843706610654567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764370010497438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380289473383645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210645322519275,0.0,0.0,0.17325599804888178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778355046660736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951706681628675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844092147111054,0.11926102939553895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721857238887254,0.0,0.0,0.14002024801007132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752354051464582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155780873370322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676168643194574,0.0,0.0,0.30133736054286664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770955629046791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271914114668835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922967184311833,0.0,0.0,0.3175938346219594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793442552880992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417899088802052,0.14591176816882007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734328928082699,0.19187145989121976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334040847356368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938590448489568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mart243,2019/01/15,"Can you control a BPD crisis? (threat of suicide in front of kids!) Hey everyone, 

​

I'm in a bit of a messed up situation here and am trying to understand what it's like in the mind of someone with BPD.  She was diagnosed with BPD and did some pretty terrible things in front of her kids (10 and 14) when during her ""episodes"" or ""crisis"".  She told them she was abandoning them and would go kill herself, said a whole bunch of mean things to the spouse..     She blames everything on the medication dosage being inadequate (seroquel 200mg slow release, and she takes extra, around 100 or 200mg  when she feels an episode coming up) and was hospitalised for 4 of the last 6 weeks (in and out) due to suicide threats... 

​

I was part of the episodes (possibly the trigger as well..) and here's how I saw them.  Does this seem to be in line with what a BPD episode is like?  She spoke to me after (same night or the day after) and said she had no control whatsoever... which seemed a bit surprising because as soon as 911 was called and she realized they were coming, she sat down.  

​

Is there any chance that medication could help a bit?   The kids are stuck in the middle of this, definitely not something they should be dealing with.   Their mom leaving in handcuffs on december 24th wasn't fun. Nor the 5 police cars trying to localise her car last night after she said she was going to kill herself. 

​

Description of the “episodes” 

* She’ll get emotional about something I said, did or that she has misheard.  Then it looks like she “snaps”, and gets angry.  (she’ll take a few pills) but once that is underway, there is NO WAY you can reason with her: 
   * She says go away, don’t stay so close. I go in living room and she says “once again you’re leaving instead of staying, come back and talk!”
   * She is convinced that everything she heard was correct. Even if there are witnesses (Jeremy for example), she’ll say that I manipulated him to lie to her, that we’re all against her
   * She’ll self injure, hit her head on the wall or door frame. I even saw her put her head in the door jamb and slam the door on her head.  She’ll hit things, the punching bag ended up bloody.
   * I stay calm as much as I can, do not fuel the fire yet she’ll say that I’m making everything worse with my attitude
   * What she does really looks like a 3yo having a tantrum.  Doesn’t listen, it’s everybody else’s problem, she’ll shake her head, stomp the floor, move her limbs.  
   * If she asks a question, no matter what I say, if she doesn’t like the answer, it’s because I did not answer properly. She can’t accept my answers
   * She threatens a lot of things,including suicide, self-harm, sometimes violence (happened once)
   * She realises that kids aren’t far away, yet will still yell things that they shouldn’t hear…  but if I am the one that says something, she’ll say “shut up the kids are listening. Why are you saying things like that when they can hear?”..
   * She’ll repeat the same thing quite frequently.   In her first crisis (before medication), she was humming the same song over and over.  
   * It takes a long time before things get better.  Thursday night: it lasted 2 ½ hour, Friday was about 1 ½ hour
   * At some point she comes back down, but still isn’t herself for a while
   * Everyone else is EVIL (distrust / suspiciousness? ).  
   * She feels like everyone hates her.  
   * She has two modes,  she either feels:
      * Worthless: she wants to run away, leave the kids with me because I can take care of them much better 
      * Superior:  I am the one who should leave because I am a selfish asshole who will mess up the kids if they stay with me 
   * After the “episode”, she seems to realize that she wasn’t herself.  and says that she had no control..  
   * And the day after, she's sorry and tells us we should forget everything... 

​

Thanks

​

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bpd,plumpypotato,2019/01/15,"Survival Anniversary > Birthday I wish I could celebrate the date of my last release from hospital instead of my birthday. 

I always get depressed on my birthday, feeling old and like a failure. It’s a trigger period of the year.

The 5 year anniversary of my last hospital discharge is coming up. It’ll be the longest I’ve been without a suicide attempt since I was 13. I wish it was socially acceptable to make this my yearly celebration rather than the date on my birth certificate. ",6.532333333333334,7.771396677777776,7.1733333333333364,70.35000000000002,65.55555555555556,10.444444444444443,41.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,4.989000000000001,391,24,62,10,6,129,59,90,0.07,0.7290000000000001,0.201,0.8857,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,8,0,7,0,0,2,0,11,13,1,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,11,2,11,7,0,14,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,11,43,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307900027850504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953264984779514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567261010717244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895078047089858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125160008342266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495434199291615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587006081787047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074934383879355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468688568495441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23087994973849105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820075247569145,0.0,0.0,0.22428848284378747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067239365029944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060373706534235,0.21209691388172908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250679923182115
bpd,MikkyJade,2019/03/07,"Any other Borderlines not get into drinking or drugs? Growing up all through school I got drunk maybe 4 times. Majority ending very badly. And I smoked pot I think 3 times. Hated it each time. Never really had a desire to do any of it, just did it out of my own curiosity. 

Anyone else find that they had no desire for drinking or drugs?

I think it's because I already felt so out of control of myself that the added uncontrollable-ness of it was just terrifying for me. ",2.623502415458937,4.9520150217391325,4.301014492753623,82.4333574879227,78.13043478260869,6.697584541062803,23.265700483091784,7.793537801064563,1.2998077294685997,370,12,70,6,9,124,68,92,0.21899999999999997,0.764,0.018000000000000002,-0.9611,0,0,5,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,2,19,11,4,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,3,1,4,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,1,9,0,13,5,4,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,49,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248995292198374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495641300601612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830311984574352,0.18801106545792426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320964465764705,0.1118561072760657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058038809555857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595081019768189,0.425589066810862,0.0,0.15328551068181415,0.0,0.16252102831470422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618280779979942,0.0,0.1677099938221207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958679284368626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675674111771222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116212234206866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434416873720166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152171784559864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175508163182412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857055051379924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351508145876744,0.0,0.0,0.3209901022791932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140158838699666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DisquietLife,2019/03/07,"I can't control myself, I don't know who I am and I feel tortured by my loneliness, someone please read. Hi there, 

I deeply appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this, or indeed respond. I have read the rules, and I am not asking for a diagnosis, I would just like to know if this resonates with anyone here. I am going to try and keep a psychiatrists appointment so I can get a diagnosis for good. Furthermore, **there might be alcohol/suicide related trigger warnings here** but I am going to try and keep my mention of them to a bare minimum. If I say anything that is inappropriate please PM me and I'll remove it. I'm kind of just desperate to be heard tonight. 

Seemingly I do not know what mood I will be in by the time I finish this post. Every twenty minutes it changes. I can feel extremely depressed one minute, extremely irritable the next, then it switches into complete self loathing, then it switches into loathing those who I feel wronged me, I might even smash something in the house in anger...then I pour myself a drink that causes excruciating pain in my damaged stomach but then I start to feel optimistic, I look at plane tickets to some far off land hoping the change of scenery will make me forget about my bad childhood, then I think of making a film or writing some songs, then I fall back into depression knowing none of these things will bring me any love or heal the emptiness I feel inside. 

And why do any of these things to begin with? What am I? Who am I? Why do I want to travel to X Place? Why do I even drink X brand of Whiskey? What's the point of me existing? I can't determine anything about myself or why I do anything I do. I try to form some concrete opinion of what I should do with my life but it disintegrates the moment I actually have to test the idea against reality. It's easier to just withdraw into fantasy and toy with the idea for a few minutes and then switch onto something else.  
I want some grand purpose in life. I don't just want to be some regular guy. I need to matter. I just can't figure out what I am. I try and get other people to tell me and I try to adopt their framework for approaching the world as my own, but it's futile because I can never trust anyone enough to adopt their world view. 

I'm just empty. Like I always have been. Crawling along in miserable depression trying to figure out why life is worth living. Found it in alcohol but it destroys my already destroyed stomach. I'm at a crossroads of either drink and no emotional pain but physical pain or, don't drink and no physical pain but emotional pain. A few drinks and everything is better until I cough up blood the next morning. 

All of this comes down to rejection for me. I suppose this is maybe where I differ from most of you. I don't fear abandonment because it's the default position. I was raised in a religious cult and every single person abandoned me when I left the cult. I mean everyone. Family included. The same way I was abandoned by everyone at school (I left at 11) and seemingly abandoned by society at large. I've had zero validation in my life. Not a single event in my life that gave me a hint that I was a normal human being others wanted around. I'm 26, I've never even heard the words ""happy birthday"" on my birthday. FYI I've tried to kill myself the last 7 birthdays. 

My Grandmother, clearly having some serious manipulative abandonment problems of her own is the only one that'll talk to me but she frequently does extreme things so I won't leave her side. 

I've been rejected by every job I've ever wanted, rejected by every girl I've ever liked, I'm a good 6'0/6'1 decent looking guy but I can't even find a single match on Tinder. It's probably just as well, if someone did actually like me I'd want to give my heart to her only to take it away when she says something that makes me feel jealous. 

So I don't know where this is going to end up. I stopped seeing my psychologist (specialises in BPD) because I was pissed off at her, yet somehow I love her at the same time. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time yet I hate her. Sometimes I cry in gratitude that she speaks to me at all and other times I cannot control the anger knowing she probably thinks I'm a worthless shit and can't wait to get rid of me. Oh yeah, it's £150 an hour too. She wants me to see a Psychiatrist for a treatment plan and a proper diagnosis if it'll help me but that's another £200. 

The NHS has let me down too many times. Have had mental health nurses when I've been hospitalised laugh at me. Yeah seriously, laugh at a suicide patient. I didn't say anything funny and I'm not making it up. I'll be shoved on one waiting list to another like I have before. 

Furthermore, the fact I am completely paranoid means that I cannot talk to NHS clinician's because I fear of medical record repercussions. Sometimes I've actually impulsively left the country because I fear they're all out to get me. I don't have this when I talk to someone privately but God it's expensive. 

I don't actually know I have BPD, there are elements of Schizoid Personality Disorder that fit me from my own amateur diagnosis but BPD seems far more likely. It's been floated as an idea (BPD) by a few mental health professionals now. Allegedly Anakin Skywalker is a prime BPD example and rewatching the films it brought me to tears knowing how much I see myself in him. The splitting, the loss of identity, the rage at perceived injustice. 

Sorry for the rant. 

If it's any solace, the only other BPD person I've met is the most beautiful musician I've ever known. I'm in the arts as well and moderately successful. It's what keeps me going and it's what prevents suicide. That and my Dog. 

I hope you guys are doing well today, I really wish the best for each and every one of you. ",3.2872749973245843,5.134202785467128,4.757143010023904,82.18265597688439,74.34602076124567,7.985003388863126,27.661470409874077,8.722817674559598,2.1845999286555133,4604,182,895,93,97,1538,456,1156,0.175,0.6859999999999999,0.138,-0.9964,1,2,11,0,0,4,115.0,0,3,3,8,42,64,10,4,59,2,81,30,6,10,10,168,161,65,3,20,34,0,6,6,0,10,16,7,0,9,62,39,7,14,30,17,2,11,25,38,3,5,18,19,137,25,130,126,31,115,0,15,6,2,53,60,2,27,48,602,199,8,0.0,0.0,0.15714964347539334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605020614741417,0.0,0.0,0.04442729872133242,0.0,0.033499083394079726,0.0,0.0,0.08213340955675018,0.0844310768300669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445102016190321,0.0,0.1325203717789861,0.03583944158778432,0.037637146491186435,0.0,0.03782507387937396,0.030957028172129107,0.033614954974170934,0.1227089201229118,0.0,0.034257822484789424,0.0,0.08449960752804822,0.035606207492926804,0.0,0.0,0.304232170110585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135754003542645,0.08517830929073847,0.03467994709111182,0.08442252432271798,0.0,0.09030878189542683,0.0,0.0,0.04422310994368856,0.0,0.0,0.10402620307273933,0.0,0.0,0.042062551285616916,0.04614081193595743,0.0,0.03523131166221838,0.0,0.0,0.19719464606494727,0.0,0.0,0.033631600355681635,0.09057291380422727,0.03565791867321627,0.04159876875918606,0.0,0.10636393502458708,0.10925091881894043,0.16960159412887907,0.07693925004162656,0.0361825932621627,0.0,0.03795302178927836,0.13590920540174234,0.12213831045341167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03679640340950095,0.0,0.0,0.04414240348843783,0.0,0.0,0.08413559355413153,0.03862052816724565,0.09152148159268368,0.06753542481410214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958954052552105,0.0356012942941579,0.04285692787140829,0.0,0.03974786704297685,0.0,0.08558781493195725,0.0,0.04770763621962466,0.026985057380774263,0.0,0.0,0.07997342585051648,0.03964744372137949,0.04645399424500843,0.0,0.13634403917687626,0.0,0.0,0.03995128707257268,0.10735333369644066,0.04454111100891467,0.04192401672372331,0.17700430496890776,0.03281682106797132,0.0,0.04262893929735991,0.13122601451579735,0.041168010219047035,0.14218218324150825,0.11801238759429472,0.0,0.03554982756168431,0.03562834197369534,0.06761558847441039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267144197301724,0.0,0.10749396874817167,0.04081675830554876,0.0404460237845915,0.08770867622881222,0.0,0.04055715537408856,0.08114410296502697,0.08541781809013638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029595324418962718,0.029851868375059758,0.062101131869046165,0.0,0.08563275307694182,0.0,0.03944570825424278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912336753962902,0.091857366349676,0.21419444014737613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02791083005711173,0.105458983601505,0.042062551285616916,0.08838556194924166,0.038058188569871074,0.0,0.03855741961431367,0.0,0.08681298202860507,0.03852285175094906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081101946683374,0.0,0.0257912313976344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960477797860155,0.0,0.040744707734414215,0.09624469587808332,0.10995206018901944,0.04199938144031979,0.0,0.041325741794600516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233509141857887,0.09298106308177848,0.07963524116107991,0.04506715263821464,0.028495842416856106,0.0,0.0,0.03365869875597506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211189551963176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605401846476984,0.09707705077873678,0.035188529475927155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069863455137496,0.05159325355898707,0.0,0.0,0.14085363698062786,0.0,0.0381612464890138,0.0,0.0,0.1913346434017454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622244641527045,0.0319560735535549,0.0,0.0,0.1085942281804584,0.0,0.1816394359836578,0.0,0.046296374937191916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02859915465983763,0.04401738312280239,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShareOn8,2019/03/07,"I am DETERMINED to get better I will get better. I am going to get better. I've had enough. I've had enough now. I'm just gonna get better from here :) I'm gonna go to therapy and also DBT and then I'll probably try CBT as well, for a while. I'm gonna try it all and I'm gonna get out of this, no matter what or how much time it takes :) Love you all xx <3",-2.6789323467230446,-1.0568558488372055,1.0428118393234662,101.5111733615222,95.86046511627909,4.52262156448203,11.306553911205075,6.1124844417494595,-1.330125581395349,271,3,76,3,11,99,50,86,0.027000000000000003,0.669,0.304,0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,4,6,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,2,10,22,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,4,6,8,15,5,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937033648325495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6165401650450641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601522538107279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552662336540377,0.0,0.1980928092999345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729301848914745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281146426887377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879015417417134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103563276840616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930248595707264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016231095477816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366471244519142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566971699588744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Imbrizzly,2019/03/07,"How do I communicate my need for constant reassurance? How do I tell my husband that I can't enjoy or even think about anything else if I don't feel secure? Or that when I ask for reassurance it needs to be something about me and not ""I'm just not the type that would cheat"". I can't trust that. I can't feel that. I need to know that there is something irreplaceable about me and that my future doesn't solely depend on his moral character. ",4.386666666666667,5.092797888888889,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,70.1111111111111,8.222222222222221,26.11111111111111,8.344100000000001,1.4241111111111109,350,10,75,5,6,114,53,90,0.092,0.848,0.06,-0.4071,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,3,0,19,19,8,0,5,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,2,14,5,8,17,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,3,54,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856538823974464,0.0,0.2482992591901781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870182180407889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218739259537484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542566807862087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685897208087919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596629226243288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5908149921545544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089422504852073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321452770844486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018514728404532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867394522498945,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ginsengbabe,2019/03/07,"I dont think i csn hold on any longer. I'm ready to leave and just die and be done with shithole. There's no stopping it now. I realize my feelings, emotions mean nothing. The world will go on being it's shitty shitfest, and I'll be dead. No longer can it abuse me. ",0.3421052631578938,2.3347332982456166,1.9851754385964924,97.75039473684211,84.43859649122807,4.5017543859649125,21.780701754385966,5.46131890053228,-0.10800350877193043,206,7,48,1,6,67,44,57,0.353,0.609,0.038,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,12,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,4,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,28,8,0,0.0,0.3486902324748822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012999213415594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054306790001248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011649091435515,0.3449103423694341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310411066281712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488038743444048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725404579662387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116148227247275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205724097872936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823830024451444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246042937470831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857169362611104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lowkeynostalgia,2019/03/07,"It’s my 24th bday and I got basically abandoned/ghosted by my now again ex. My ex came back into my life 3 days ago after him being blocked on every social media possible, he calls. 

He lives in california but we’ve been a “thing” every now and then on and off for 4 years now. 

Well we made up when he came back, he said some really sweet things and we were loving with each other & sexual up until last night.

I had been upset the night before cause I was having second thoughts about this situation in the long term.

I asked him if he thought this would ever work out long term and he gave short half ass responses like “yeahhhh”

I opened up about deeply caring and loving him and that was that all he could say cause I’d hope this mattered to him just as much as it did to me.

He hasn’t replied since. I blocked him on ig to see if he’d say something.

No response.

This is the 2nd time he’s abandoned me like this.",1.981866873065016,3.8025071000000032,3.177244582043347,92.18982972136229,78.0,6.154798761609907,20.123839009287924,7.048011613610866,0.2324427244582039,719,17,159,8,17,232,122,190,0.09,0.755,0.155,0.9496,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,1,12,10,0,1,4,0,14,4,1,3,2,35,28,15,0,5,4,2,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,12,16,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,2,1,2,15,5,20,8,23,9,6,37,0,1,1,3,28,13,1,4,24,100,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034231080163993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709500133063533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269164955271848,0.0,0.0,0.20878083987918736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552105245757725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386252888626608,0.31054464206526783,0.13841551920065906,0.2789241233338837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083926484718862,0.0,0.0,0.08755343199986547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280193941617268,0.22876590782674666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857900813293846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483948559473752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106618410953373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589071492251383,0.13265014361783126,0.0,0.11987783217787905,0.2402851823957695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24505589822762805,0.1284586068637071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979860880591587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548015643518641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530480632330591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697079905048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913805688519922,0.21592227803388214,0.0,0.0,0.10818247974587587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230138630136334,0.15259899242250172,0.0,0.13838937477133065,0.0,0.10451403977977668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038471706463333,0.0,0.0,0.2155552291914085,0.07916226234997993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206379565615832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883429086686077,0.0,0.0,0.09643941751313488,0.0,0.0,0.08742445286887134
bpd,nilherm,2019/03/07,"I just wanted to let you know: You are valuable.
You are deserving of respect.
You are worth your own self-love.
You are loved.

I love you.

If you're having a hard day, carry this thought with you. If you're having a good day, still carry it with you.

Thank you for being you.
You matter.",-0.5895103578154419,1.610750237288137,0.9666666666666652,99.80822975517893,97.47457627118642,3.300188323917138,13.335216572504704,5.033348758259628,-1.2873856873822975,220,4,49,1,9,70,35,59,0.021,0.6409999999999999,0.33799999999999997,0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,12,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,9,14,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,14,6,5,11,1,3,0,0,0,2,14,0,0,2,3,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832370539068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24921107883292445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266162141830148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328998418531646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038264516239858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363267797394002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30996210323302903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372812913801452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27354918607319506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588096178127946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752497207901205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lunagrey01,2019/03/07,"ended up laying on the floor at work yesterday i had the worst experience of my entire life. i had the worst cramps i’ve ever felt, and just wrote them off as period cramps because i was supposed to start soon. while i was at work the cramps got so bad i started to feel light headed and nauseous. my vision started flashing and i felt like i was going to fall over at literally any moment. so i sat down in an empty dining room (this one had elevated chairs) and drank some water but everything got worse. i was so scared that i would fall off the chair that i decided to lay on the ground instead. my friends were very concerned and i thought i was actually going to die. i came home and ate food, i felt much better. i know i need to stop this. i barely eat two meals a day. i don’t know what to do or how to stop myself from doing this but this scared me so so so much. i would appreciate any help i can get.",3.013650793650793,4.095874783068787,4.409391534391535,87.49440476190479,73.65608465608466,7.3047619047619055,23.023809523809533,7.7094869923839395,0.8398190476190472,710,18,156,9,14,236,112,189,0.16399999999999998,0.743,0.09300000000000001,-0.9346,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,3,11,8,0,2,8,0,15,12,1,1,1,28,36,18,1,3,4,0,4,1,1,2,4,0,2,0,7,7,7,2,8,0,0,5,1,5,0,2,20,5,27,3,22,14,5,32,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,2,14,107,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.1340624775054371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684540632968152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470606093425095,0.08374520733173765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215009155734256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712543568779874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885983480986905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257812813252255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057342334258668,0.0,0.0,0.1216773723261365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426753271767906,0.0,0.0,0.12346774674182695,0.13438341456298253,0.0,0.0,0.06946315259602218,0.0,0.3957173048513273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611971619142388,0.0,0.10613898391070087,0.0,0.07177506654683248,0.0,0.1561517582342414,0.0,0.2197497125820816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409908986966408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208251620779373,0.0,0.13780273976272936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100025127944586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703513324469372,0.06711663569974026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197933263804352,0.10186508461671072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309183707050367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750814915211842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917135399246204,0.0,0.0,0.22971066023661654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906389843417427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419971211490414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335239280704387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000276792421527,0.0,0.14000134558689392,0.1951807687739026,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SidneyHall,2019/03/07,"Finally Diagnosed! Hey, I've been on this reddit for a while and planned to only post about myself when I get diagnosed and here I am. Last Saturday, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD and I am glad. Because I suspected all the way down. I've been dealing with the symptoms since I was 13 and I am 16 now. He suggested that I try CBT instead of DBT because it would be better for me. I am going to start therapy soon. Although I don't know how things will go since pills didn't work for me.",2.228338833883388,4.092431811881191,4.091617161716176,85.71573157315734,77.4158415841584,8.053245324532451,27.063806380638066,8.841846274778883,2.1577911991199117,387,16,81,9,9,131,71,101,0.021,0.912,0.067,0.6476,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,3,0,12,5,0,1,1,11,17,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,14,2,11,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,57,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320267101586769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831684236027394,0.0,0.0,0.2396932156076052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620488199695715,0.0,0.5794926487648816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847915819390692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943095905364263,0.0,0.2163191178514952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459133320524187,0.15513091922413574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447420074582942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182267744194059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31485862000192777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470488866173044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780861653695375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764009557038586,0.0,0.12643584588527726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921038725343578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106201343783973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855050884100767,0.0,0.0,0.1351932639125701,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lightness07,2019/03/07,In need of self loathing depressing music As the title says. I heal through music can I get some recommendations for self hating songs or any BPD relevant songs.,7.096206896551722,8.719400172413796,6.747758620689655,72.51060344827587,64.51724137931035,9.937931034482759,31.74137931034483,10.125756701596842,3.3066413793103457,131,5,22,3,2,41,25,29,0.28600000000000003,0.7140000000000001,0.0,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,5,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978172148129274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070491559874527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783648957698747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885454124853436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31908530369285143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396428587213466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25701534247450103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6743197247442878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Possible_Bass,2019/03/07,"Tips on staying healthy AND safe in a new relationship? I just started a new relationship.

It's great. It's magical.

​

However we don't know each other so well yet. It's so hard because I want to build healthy trust but instead I'm just oscillating between diving in full-speed and splitting. The other night I saw a notification on his phone, I honestly didn't see it well. I saw something pink/red, that's it. Immediately my brain went in full crisis mode : ""okay we now have the proof he's on tinder and cheating on me and he's been lying all the time to trick me and seduce me and control and manipulate me, I'm not fucking stupid okay"".

Even though I was believing that I knew it was better to not say it but I was still silently angry and hurt (because that was my reality at the moment). I snapped at him for a few unrelated things and he picked on it and wanted to talk things through immediately. I managed to tell him it was insecurity-related and that I really wanted to trust him but was really afraid that I was going to get hurt. I can't tell him about the pseudo-tinder thing... if I put myself in his shoes, it's such an obvious red flag that I jumped to this kind of conclusion. But I actually believed for two days that he wasn't being honest after that, while also knowing that I might go back to reason and think differently later.

​

At the same time, I don't know... I also need to stay safe obviously and to trust my gut in case he's not who he pretends to be... I'm thinking of cases I've heard of when something like this actually has been hidden for so long and it hurts just to think it could happen to me. Also I've been the knowingly ""other woman"" before that and that's also probably haunting me / karma getting back to me.

It's just so weird because I feel like I'm constantly gaslighting myself in every direction. And I'm usually very chill and not jealous or possessive, even thought I should go poly. I don't know where that's coming from.

from the very start he's been saying that he wants a loyal relationship and isn't interested in fucking around or opening the relationship or whatever. and we've basically entered the relationship under those terms. I would like to allow myself to put my faith in that.

​

any good tips my fellow BPDs?",4.047786187322611,5.6402839205298045,5.503630400504575,78.65694039735102,71.82560706401766,8.267650583412173,27.733144118574586,8.841846274778883,2.1903260674865974,1828,67,348,35,35,616,214,453,0.099,0.741,0.159,0.9709,2,0,2,0,0,0,63.0,2,0,0,3,28,32,6,1,16,2,26,6,3,5,4,74,63,38,0,9,16,0,2,3,1,3,0,3,0,1,37,25,0,3,13,1,0,9,11,11,2,1,19,9,46,21,47,38,6,54,2,3,4,3,31,21,2,5,25,236,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.14069831391944734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306004571032908,0.0,0.2343275088856681,0.2627906612947263,0.04902347421021301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641751249535013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086507284268576,0.0,0.13183565255907076,0.0,0.0613430327370272,0.16244083123359193,0.0,0.06375748933983706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047595678940182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062098901080855425,0.0,0.0779033651363841,0.08085473860330603,0.057557766677253534,0.0,0.0,0.046491898499445766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531840243676083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522914585638446,0.0,0.06073868907178313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03645072294517767,0.05150090254401505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332915487429983,0.0753277951631611,0.0,0.12291072887018616,0.060465427671591424,0.0,0.0794791587181515,0.0,0.0,0.0637486916261745,0.0,0.0645782194399797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315205735737848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507033850423209,0.19809309390438187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565817133861627,0.0,0.0,0.06379712397157714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647578905161223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053453605809469576,0.0,0.13924938042490312,0.0,0.06765130844536782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772489919556556,0.0,0.0,0.14494013779748435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236502714997682,0.0741202274195577,0.0,0.3869868434547282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465726019895812,0.0,0.0,0.05744616462060949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099636001055634,0.0,0.0,0.10205093420765428,0.15367607599615973,0.057570934763244125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579429774185457,0.12601916637101254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367959824749754,0.1385765240982804,0.07082777311460252,0.057231176480935286,0.08407217814528208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042117068989892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939662975270023,0.11896311960995315,0.17008151269239097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963461211005234,0.06682788251808959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051210460948843566,0.0,0.2627906612947263,0.0
bpd,sweetestthing-,2019/03/07,"I found out I have bpd, I learned my horrible ways. But did I make my boyfriend abuse me? 
It was a terrible self discovery journey. But I honestly did this on my own. My boyfriend, at least in my eyes, is not emotionally supportive. But I fully see my toxic behavior and all the wrong doings I’ve done & I try to apologize to him and other close ones. 

But learning this, I can only talk to him and I apologize constantly and try to fix myself. I am working with my therapist but I don’t see her often due to limitations of time. But I feel like I’m talking to a wall because the next day he acts like nothing happened. And even though I apologize he just “forgives” and says he’s wary of me and doesn’t feel the same. I tell him, I fully understand that.

I started to blame all the years and times of his physical abuse on myself. Bc I was out of control mad and he Got fed up. He would would bruise me, scar my face, try to push me down the stairs, make me walk on broken glass, poor juice on my hair, slap me, choke me & say “tell me why I shouldn’t”, etc.
He slapped me after 3 months of dating and was sorry. I never would put my hands on him. I just get too mad and near the end I would break things. But he knows how to scare me and make me stop and make me act like I was never mad.

When I met him he was a sweet boy and crazy about me. I’ll admit he was weird bc he had strong feelings for when we first met. He was my first bf & I got super attached. Its been four years, the last year barely counts because Ive been horrible, I’ve cheated three times. I won’t explain why, I don’t wanna blame no one it was all me and I regret it deeply.

We’re horrible for each other I know. But I am only listing the bad. And I don’t think I can live without him. But can I trust him? Did I unknowingly make him physically hurt me? 


Please be kind. I know you all are. But I can’t handle anything anymore. I really appreciate any word received because I’ve been alone for so long.
I hope I make sense I haven’t slept in two days so please excuse my grammar.",0.9319507389162568,2.7938115793103457,2.772044334975373,93.63560344827587,81.48275862068967,6.0738916256157625,20.93185550082102,7.1686216300943375,0.3960476190476188,1587,46,368,21,42,528,218,435,0.195,0.675,0.13,-0.9878,0,1,0,0,3,0,54.0,1,1,0,7,13,23,4,1,11,0,39,6,5,8,6,78,70,32,0,8,14,0,5,3,1,6,0,2,0,2,10,22,1,3,14,0,1,7,13,11,0,7,23,11,81,12,35,40,9,50,0,2,3,0,42,16,0,3,28,232,91,3,0.0,0.20508858270052116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963680811647914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813215970922777,0.0,0.058855070518238725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583157622752093,0.0,0.0,0.0712209793941986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226330513304446,0.15827512744018585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900318105875892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935267873722992,0.09707005508883247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116315809433853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856784421088057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735396212865577,0.07665513934116057,0.0,0.09652301668799597,0.057163615849991335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312826092361453,0.06182934399923621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723402494636256,0.0,0.09489454842471118,0.0,0.0,0.04521734503455161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843941988662692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653341183074122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596090756645901,0.0,0.0,0.09265057814058024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012560079991593,0.1426922493610983,0.07054752731793068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684778517118872,0.0,0.0764227719028937,0.07659155722231045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466256076906731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908115718193253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350108738234287,0.0,0.09204393951645208,0.0,0.0,0.0830443820280573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172932584874905,0.1316461060926589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000569351948632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870038503841598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544435878841092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765163002323258,0.08664885532789099,0.0,0.13793384186728902,0.0,0.0902876151032479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688251568610398,0.061258560577417874,0.0,0.0,0.0723573427497723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821274809017723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912673783102744,0.15129215223735512,0.0,0.0,0.10048798124431356,0.05749812053050421,0.0554559574392464,0.08503219423892462,0.0,0.15139912214743678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762796231101804,0.0,0.08454404820757233,0.0900986976897598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869714672617988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619079063787908,0.0,0.0,0.0834284218367734,0.0,0.06300739953233933,0.0,0.0,0.24592261882474215,0.09462578754620632,0.0,0.16720069671645052
bpd,I_like_cakes_,2019/03/07,"Diagnosed with BPD but not bad enough to need DBT My therapist diagnosed me with BPD (after a series of questions).  But she only thinks I ""need some skills"" and not full blown DBT.  Has this happened to anyone else?  I've been on meds for 3 years and nothings worked so I'm tempted to believe that DBT is the answer.  I almost want to get a 2nd opinion but I really like my current therapist",2.1001623376623364,4.491873480519484,3.4884253246753225,87.19549512987015,80.42857142857143,6.447402597402598,23.910714285714285,7.645422480735847,1.3380662337662343,306,11,59,5,8,100,57,77,0.0,0.8859999999999999,0.114,0.8164,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,18,10,6,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,10,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,4,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777946722016866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413926004773405,0.18190948571471624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823748590714833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000254360344578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472078183050956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36039629868962253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483108898283795,0.0,0.0,0.1834450441011384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275669767632748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569969784359836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673649201831016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720558847511244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26328554781347635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035327110886264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502626098206058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888409263771806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373590426560215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122724715155621,0.0,0.1137596971828594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047169867309211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292503641097674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432916922144475
bpd,scrumpusrumpus,2019/03/07,anyone else always feel like their friends really don't like them? I always feel like my friends don't really like me and only associate with me out of pity and can't stand me. I try to convince myself that I don't care about them because they don't care about me. I just don't know why anyone would want anything to do with me.,5.0793478260869565,4.8103821159420335,5.502717391304348,86.33494565217394,68.42028985507247,8.63913043478261,25.94565217391305,8.07648339933343,1.2770260869565222,262,6,57,3,4,84,38,69,0.099,0.64,0.26,0.8763,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,0,3,10,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,14,2,0,2,1,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,15,9,8,13,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289083915959887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763921317222365,0.20250785496003884,0.16264274242512514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048088921513707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40301891905630377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510475002640315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986773354811055,0.28239134468295074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053958445955413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086190190788515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38623210606912395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031584728700814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532293894875668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418612315349418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165745275868379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834140127650702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403993931642101,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hedoh32,2019/03/07,"Phenibut with bpd So I've been taking Seroquel for the last few years    and it helps slightly but I usually feel awful when I take it (Exhausted light headed irritable)

Someone had mentioned phenibut as an alternative. I was wondering if anyone has used phenibut with bpd and if it was beneficial to you? 

Any input would be greatly appreciated :) ",4.3923887587822,7.600632360655742,5.2184074941452,73.17032786885248,77.85245901639344,8.075878220140515,33.304449648711945,8.841846274778883,3.6331761124121775,278,15,44,7,7,90,49,61,0.055999999999999994,0.737,0.20800000000000002,0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,7,2,1,1,0,11,12,8,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,4,1,5,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042824712763684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495515291318347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5942458012406587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928419359988435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600938085631626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421137686301164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812683818678214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922997635912677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998874687478477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547529229418984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375221967881765,0.25982373432876965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25583649645851964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758511339675153,0.0,0.0,0.15191959082170228
bpd,Stormponylyfe,2019/03/07,"Unable to get help I need, don't know where to turn. It's been recommended to me that I start a partial hospitalization program (PTSD/Bipolar II/BPD with suicidal ideation). I don't qualify for FMLA as I have not been at my job for a year yet. I am eligible for short term disability, but there is no job protection (and I cannot lose this job under any circumstances). I would also be forced to take PTO, so I wouldn't have any days off if something else happened later in the year. I cannot find an affordable regular therapist with night/weekend availability in my insurance. I don't want to go on any more medication because of the weight gain, which makes me more suicidal. I know about NAMI support groups, but those are just supplements to the larger problem. I feel like I'm screwed every way I turn and I don't know what to do.",5.745636363636365,6.032337896969698,6.649848484848487,76.77477272727275,67.0,10.47878787878788,32.86363636363636,10.355215969177356,3.266527272727272,663,27,132,16,10,221,110,165,0.15,0.745,0.105,-0.8572,4,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,1,0,6,0,17,3,0,1,0,20,33,8,2,6,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,5,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,2,2,18,2,21,28,3,17,0,1,0,1,2,8,1,1,8,83,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460207299475085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923597901132665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873582487949002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048938890853627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924207698879188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971410506666652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074181926694255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246001962265979,0.10237811783696654,0.0,0.0,0.13097944960256006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487167708393096,0.0,0.08144432726491241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267253725831137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605525637635272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266284560567936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362723421372997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001226633195719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032320061188024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565813202952156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436611723231665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625987670207533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448334467392187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371248668873303,0.16751750792555464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032426485072996,0.0,0.0,0.10143300458428464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135078750050582,0.16262239976527454,0.0,0.0,0.10774857498634588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638977093394852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31175241445823065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452582521941968,0.1137499466706796,0.0,0.17450858319069798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180075195818783,0.0,0.0,0.18456924089928486
bpd,stup1dprod1gy,2019/03/07,"Anyone else waits until their ""favorite person"" texts you first and the longer they take to message you the angrier you get? I do this every day and no amount of rational thinking diverts my possessiveness from my best friend. It's fucking annoying. I could be having a grand, chill day and it only takes me going through my messages, noticing that she didnt take the time to message me and i would be bitter for the rest of the day. And to make matters worse for myself, i constantly start looking at her 'last seen' status. This is tiring and i feel like shit. ",4.1027622014537934,6.1641322149532725,4.375638629283492,84.86684319833853,72.64485981308411,6.6247144340602295,26.84215991692627,7.3871296695380915,1.481046521287643,445,16,81,5,9,139,78,107,0.147,0.713,0.139,-0.2484,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,2,2,0,8,4,0,6,0,8,3,1,1,0,13,21,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,4,18,4,11,15,3,11,0,0,2,1,12,1,2,0,10,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194866876394515,0.19335312991523532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980368745639768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392576344436086,0.0,0.1506675801650244,0.0,0.0,0.3651021703187983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764089836306394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899420413853435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541617992600177,0.1348126727385343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051449956606662,0.0,0.0,0.14579494318209776,0.17445703911834126,0.09859187796531853,0.0,0.10724681865571647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382179556914732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219295048697597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846676931406545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596371881549628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148447347665064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352055407697056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647721065860445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370553268721516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335681368325553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256536558176309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091614366394647,0.0,0.0,0.11003685837378398,0.21689150648189348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923090600003432,0.13405239076704756,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deliverybiatch,2019/03/07,Being needed So I had a thought today about the times I went looking for something else. The times I don't feel needed seem to be a big trigger for me. Before I had my daughter and when she got older. So I'm wondering if I am on to something ? I seem to always be searching these days.,0.997,2.9959167000000018,3.0599999999999987,90.935,82.0,4.666666666666667,23.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.3418333333333332,222,8,46,1,6,75,42,60,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,10,18,5,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,9,0,7,10,0,9,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,4,6,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021672213153018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067462174587959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566930053563651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296696217952326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285093769100852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432214950739432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403029358538105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36031250225327294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423743425018677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740942786812302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288790805101613,0.28335092103405946,0.0,0.2303034108084192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523196710253465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634863223449078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SoIfarted,2019/03/07,"I went off on someone on FB (xpost from AITA)  

So my fiance and I are getting married in December. I absolutely *hate* Facebook, but I brought it back to look for wedding vendors, etc. Everything major has already been booked (DJ, wedding and reception venue, photographer, hair and makeup, etc). My mom is paying for everything minus the rehearsal dinner, which is fine. My mom asked me to look into videographers, so I did. (My fiance and I don't really care about having one, but I decided to look into it anyway, for my mom's sake.)

A family friend of my fiance's suggested her nephew, but he is waaaayyyy too expensive (his service is more than what our reception cost). She posted his page on my personal FB. So I politely told her that he is out of our budget...NBD. SO then some random lady (complete stranger) chimes in on the post and says ""Quality is the most important. Flowers die, cake is eaten, your photos live forever to tell your story and family."" Okay....and? I don't know you, why are you pushing this on me? Come to find out, it's the videographer's mom.

I commented back, ""He is still out of our budget. The most important thing is that it is OUR day. We will be together, as one. I don't need a random stranger telling me how to run OUR wedding. But thanks.""

I took it as ""So if you choose someone else, your wedding will be shit. Who gives a fuck about flowers, cake, etc.""

I am BEYOND tired of people I don't know (strangers, not family or close friends) putting their two cents in for our wedding. 

I know I overreact sometimes, but this shit just really gets under my skin.

**FYI: My FB** ***is*** **private. The family friend tagged me in a post about the videographers page, so my friends as well as hers can comment on it.**",1.177518296739855,3.802707197604793,2.7789181636726568,88.3589294743846,89.2994011976048,6.322182302062543,22.991084497671324,7.635375032292933,1.4619236992681302,1340,52,260,28,45,438,175,334,0.08900000000000001,0.843,0.068,-0.8879,2,0,0,0,0,0,90.0,7,6,1,0,19,12,4,0,11,0,27,8,4,1,0,36,48,25,1,2,9,5,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,14,14,2,0,6,2,5,7,5,4,1,3,7,6,50,8,41,37,10,34,0,0,3,1,48,19,3,7,5,182,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102719836068924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558646538799455,0.0,0.0,0.14079189668587327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334086159581237,0.0,0.0,0.07886182583118986,0.09598795511245016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059041882194514075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501397289414196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647789665612546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063058248673559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455765405090644,0.0,0.34521904964272754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367462468355323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829238024763421,0.08463607824600079,0.09566171637514144,0.0878226647183805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038622116894468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093970551435434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083992464385567,0.0,0.2306356789299565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288868779857747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788282687815639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407268071104845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346892666776897,0.07993753061643408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26303746964799296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203257790384407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729796433129175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280387194226251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879485826889148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513926313417434,0.0,0.09054483996141163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311158412169456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600366733833614,0.08428652007363853,0.0,0.0,0.06082144909315036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522273338046473,0.0,0.08747951259014737,0.10171491196186792,0.0,0.0,0.08943060184824128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231403474117628,0.08486734451140791,0.08260922386637673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wediiiidit,2019/03/07,"Getting the third highest grade, and not the best triggered an episode and it’s just getting worse. It’s not the grade anymore, it’s anything that’s ever gone wrong in my life and I feel like ending It tonight. I know how ridiculous and childish this is. It probably sounds like I’m still in elementary school but I’m actually doing university lol. So I took a test yesterday. I had tried my best and I thought I’d do very well. But I got a 59 outta 65 and two people, including a girl I strongly despise because she seems to have a perfect life got a better grade than I did. At first it started because of the grade but then it just kept escalating. I feel so bad and I think the pain will just be over if I killed myself tonight. I feel like my boyfriend is tired of me being like this, he is too good and kind and I don’t deserve him. When I think I can possibly make him leave me with me being triggered over small things I think I can just kill myself and make it easier for him too. I just hate myself so much",1.078074534161491,3.3581167619047605,2.524202898550726,93.2276086956522,83.76190476190476,5.366459627329191,22.939958592132502,6.7026698264267655,0.5625610766045548,800,29,174,9,23,259,117,210,0.209,0.626,0.166,-0.9097,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,6,15,20,5,0,11,1,15,4,0,5,2,39,37,20,2,1,11,0,3,4,0,1,4,1,0,1,12,11,0,1,9,0,0,2,3,8,1,3,8,4,31,12,11,25,3,18,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,14,118,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.12923163669321847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133401965481692,0.0,0.0,0.10897781351234022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057271407328798,0.1614550232111659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779522075719922,0.11712272122258476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729281948857775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978964539337585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008802999964848,0.1892146605467195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264407095883695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837741172932816,0.0,0.0,0.11107519292418644,0.2118311965306996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074625686523156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930262162111833,0.13790446298553566,0.07277953524743201,0.0,0.0,0.14022322861346573,0.0,0.0,0.18707709001495554,0.25879255231481635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679482064050708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973505794488982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091383198164142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180961967149752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492938410418674,0.0,0.0,0.14278089985654052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134025255181178,0.0,0.120558421317646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373395377913082,0.0,0.10575799976781654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797996755705602,0.2545655383863515,0.0,0.10513386266652924,0.0,0.1522076965792091,0.0,0.0,0.14713353246103045,0.08991062304361627,0.0,0.12936392615647754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926782436161367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906960807408085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134956502118301,0.0,0.14479036256427535,0.0,0.0
bpd,HappyLadyLauren,2019/03/07,"Will I ever truly love anyone? I've been with my boyfriend for half a year and after a load of drama I've lost all of my feelings for him. I'm too scared to break up with him because I know he'll take it quite badly. I wanted to wait until I'd had more therapy but I can't be with him and feel like this is my chance to leave, before I start loving him again.

Is it even possible to be in a lasting relationship with someone? Is there anyone who can tell me it gets better with therapy? 'Cause I just feel like I'm going to die alone and I'd hate that, but I also can't be happy in a relationship with someone I don't have feelings for...",1.7967429692609542,2.9659986546762585,3.939620667102684,89.32419882276,76.84172661870504,6.493394375408764,21.26945716154349,6.980632752743323,0.3952100719424463,499,12,113,5,11,172,83,139,0.16399999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.152,-0.1983,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,1,1,4,0,14,2,0,1,2,22,32,7,1,1,3,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,4,16,6,21,24,2,12,0,1,0,2,11,3,0,0,9,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496389344416187,0.0,0.11965314198836118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923920657848485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492862420991695,0.09120855036705612,0.0,0.12731781538130282,0.0,0.0,0.13232903387323047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537036292716265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528464010486004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882431850931248,0.13534221095151291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026147360104617,0.2137808357202895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817163490088573,0.0,0.0850339736421825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927604368212406,0.0,0.14772134452577146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222866993273283,0.12196239174245065,0.0,0.15842873334321894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619609271340728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633307464500288,0.0,0.27008048269039137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867700427442284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914205626789274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32127736299690457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497983280109831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535494928599996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590364888412973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124975770942236,0.0,0.13077675037124195,0.0,0.3422129737588767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825128815188069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635205110564493
bpd,voodoopunx,2019/03/07,"Recently (mis)diagnosed? I was diagnosed this week with C-PTSD and EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder, the UK/EU name for BPD like traits). The C-PTSD was a bump up from my previously diagnosed PTSD, but I'm really just not sure that EUPD works for me? I was previously down as depressed, and now I have this thrown at me? 

TLDR, I exhibit a few low level symptoms, but the core part of being EUPD is that it's constant? For me, I'm normally fine and just a bit down (hence the previous depression diagnosis) until something triggers my PTSD and then I'm really clingy and prone to fits of rage (which all fit within the reaction to PTSD triggers). 

Does anyone have any way of working out if this is EUPD or if this is misdiagnosed something else? Even if there's just questions I should be asking, that would be really helpful. ",7.201322081575249,7.298533000000003,8.284514767932492,66.93509845288327,63.936708860759495,12.08551336146273,34.64416315049226,11.645159339076185,4.3045926863572435,666,27,117,20,9,228,99,158,0.147,0.785,0.068,-0.9338,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,0,8,0,13,3,0,2,2,26,17,14,0,6,10,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,10,3,18,9,4,17,0,3,0,0,5,10,0,5,7,80,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884290487252113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810676652162077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838787686370467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657601692778414,0.0,0.14602186964255992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252895211049246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997172180572038,0.35302876555043583,0.0,0.0,0.1328768280474458,0.0,0.10145952672276973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685266014878584,0.13041644683263104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657701344922425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771187109608015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664223303945003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113596193326284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555129037463425,0.0,0.0,0.10123398817750501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6776359500432365,0.0,0.1298788878923889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282163289488974,0.0,0.11447636958929028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851193932080106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927170248317232,0.12050563861356832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202745925973127,0.09299975508902564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881082169644895,0.0,0.0,0.08236016655519868,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Saraj3vo,2019/03/07,"Helping to further mental health care... Hi! I appreciate you taking a moment to read my message. I am a clinical masters student studying to become a therapist to help people engaging in self-harm behaviors. People with BPD are more at risk for self-harm behaviors so I truly people this is a group of people that could benefit from research in this area. I am using four previously established self-harm measures you could see if you went to a mental health professional. All information provided (except my own) is confidential and no descriptors will be asked. If you would like to specifically know what I am looking for I just ask that you complete the survey first then you can reply to me on here or email me with any questions.


Thank you so much for your time.



https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SelfHarmScales",5.956256771397619,8.860793683098596,6.203802816901412,70.03962621885158,69.91549295774648,8.876273022751896,29.937161430119176,9.466822959209583,3.271901841820151,661,27,101,16,13,211,97,142,0.032,0.816,0.152,0.9473,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,8,0,2,4,6,0,1,6,0,12,3,0,1,1,16,22,7,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,2,18,5,19,16,4,11,0,0,2,0,18,6,0,4,5,76,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962406721990068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646102942161309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563013255843638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824359608360454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429239913861228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483844491553979,0.0,0.0,0.22598962005587345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037961561028225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008652222846431,0.0,0.0,0.1897201206429919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777748444995754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914111791522007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884389776998845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28524432590164395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040358825257571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39245764579725706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853844420665697,0.0,0.14156156167487158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277571790679985,0.0,0.4429188866279084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640788134189244,0.0,0.0,0.13029560675295646,0.0,0.16431941679310286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252335302922055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223066034205292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119348309747736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053406586820272,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kaleidoscopeeee,2019/03/07,"I get paranoid when the guy I like doesn't text back fast enough. This already sounds irrational to me as I'm typing it. Do y'all think this is a symptom of BPD?

The guy I like lives far away, so we don't get to see each other much but we text every day. Usually, he texts me in between 6 and 9 a.m. 

But today, it's already 11:30 a.m. and I still haven't heard from him. When this happens, I usually get paranoid and think he's losing interest or that he likes someone else. I get a lot of anxiety about it. I'm not at a point in this relationship where I feel comfortable telling him I have BPD or that I'm feeling this way. 

Any good coping mechanisms you can think of? I'm really trying not to screw this up.",1.7204737646459485,3.3022590198675523,3.475099337748347,90.83611309220579,78.0066225165563,7.030259806418747,23.535914416709122,7.882392219407189,1.0378870096790629,556,18,126,9,13,186,92,151,0.075,0.7709999999999999,0.155,0.917,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,2,0,1,7,8,1,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,18,23,11,0,0,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,12,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,16,6,15,22,4,18,0,1,1,1,14,8,1,3,12,74,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130737989143436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646403333007718,0.0,0.10851617689054993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327435962188247,0.10907521604833854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573145490490264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148262375690193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849890934136972,0.0,0.0,0.14657074524479566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195161914049956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344898274698387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964466741847763,0.0,0.0,0.1189784919204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809110077236377,0.12543900677881778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079047543203283,0.0,0.1252576668603784,0.0,0.0,0.15869578947314292,0.0,0.12059725896254975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427733524903823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340957251317962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087384361339956,0.0,0.0,0.15229565985162788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303745456484032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201905013162452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132829661568196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743825025824142,0.0,0.0,0.12398465491159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726785617449751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344588434755042,0.0,0.0,0.096308005916807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31245925598495,0.0,0.0,0.1125952920134863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stormop10,2019/03/07,How do you find your identity? I don’t really know who I am. I change how I act around different groups of people and I’ve realized that I don’t know what makes myself me. Anyone have some advice for self-discovery?,1.2747727272727258,3.6882442045454593,3.396545454545457,86.38481818181822,84.22727272727272,8.065454545454546,17.89090909090909,8.841846274778883,1.3731781818181816,171,4,35,5,5,58,34,44,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,0,10,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,3,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272723701190137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341784291118775,0.0,0.0,0.2981429039643616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542927479005585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34991201405097033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061037248887275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681180227680423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235565244699419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321859816063481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455336034946634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34938651364456097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThrowAwayTheDewRedux,2019/03/07,"Doctor just stopped my Clonazepam without any warning - clinic and doc will not respond! Help! So I've been seeing this psychiatrist twice now, and yesterday he put me on Risperdal in addition to the Zoloft he started last month.

I've been on Xanax daily for years, but last year another hack psychiatrist switched me to Clonazepam.

Yesterday the clinic told me the doctor wasn't there, but I caught him walking around in the back, so I called them out, and I met with him.

When I went to get my meds from Wal Mart, there were 2 meds missing, the most important being the clon, since it's a benzodiazepine and it could be fatal to stop cold turkey.

I emailed the doc 3 times and called the clinic twice. Nothing.

What can I do?? I don't have money for the ER and it was super difficult to even get this doc to see me.

If you like watching train wrecks, Google ""Compass Health in Boynton Beach"" and read the Google reviews.

This is what it's like not being rich.

I'm really worried about the Clonazepam scrip be abuse I accidentally went into withdrawal a few years ago and it was very serious and I had to go to the hospital. ",3.89358422939068,5.8333734147465455,4.283095238095239,85.82718253968255,72.91705069124423,7.402867383512545,26.8020993343574,8.167268648758528,1.6796750640040958,889,32,174,14,18,279,131,217,0.153,0.774,0.07400000000000001,-0.9606,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,1,1,1,11,8,0,0,14,0,18,8,0,0,0,25,31,15,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,10,14,0,2,0,2,2,6,5,4,1,2,12,4,19,4,22,13,2,30,0,1,3,0,13,8,0,2,18,110,29,4,0.0,0.1715954386169574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837974318023385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848682464353943,0.15186296361803606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892607836545358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136245608921093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29576761263639634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563198579743815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29647163248239466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565638033623798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513314890986073,0.0,0.08230810236704797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539435444050907,0.0,0.0,0.09707399078884613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361054668974772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150959257004936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217386572627227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559894081583676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389647046280208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559039485717898,0.0,0.0,0.14486545430719208,0.0,0.09277941209458808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23081556060974584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980178073792473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250877384700716,0.0,0.0,0.24216248028658602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444935818797845,0.0,0.0,0.13838769998619307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194968338008266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685107921415734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960734868509386,0.0,0.0,0.14707809936296595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979009374710834
bpd,cake-butt,2019/03/07,I want to die My fp/bf won’t talk to me until tomorrow and I think he’s going to break up with me. I’m scared. I can’t live without him. If he splits up with me that’s literally it. ,-2.15068181818182,-0.5880110681818174,1.7874545454545439,97.92118181818184,91.5,5.3381818181818215,15.618181818181819,6.742157984588678,-0.5381854545454545,139,3,39,2,5,52,32,44,0.17,0.7979999999999999,0.032,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,9,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418987933574376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419840772499723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37597696493573823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262862080262072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34223077316264694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27282656787307474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25113969881516346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41044264753214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,takentoss5,2019/03/07,"I’m bad at titles... This may ramble on and I’m sorry...  

My parents think my diagnosis is getting in the way of parenting my two children. 

I have never been physically abusive to my children, but I will admit to raising my voice a tab more than any regular parent. I have had some outbursts lately that have been in front of my parents but not my children (like the kids weren’t even home). My parents found out I’ve been self-harming again as well. They think I am unstable. 

They want to take my children away, and they feel my partner is the reason for my ‘downward spiral’ as they’re putting it. He recently lost his job and hasn’t had any success finding new employment, they feel he doesn’t help out with his children while I am at work. Basically use is ethnicity to call him lazy and a drunk(he does not drink). 

Since my husband lost his job, my parents said he can no longer live in our (their) home. We have started making plans to find our own place a few towns over. However, my parents are now saying I cannot move out of their home, they just want my partner to leave, and if I try they will take guardianship of my kids. Claiming grandparents rights. 

I don’t know what to do. I love my partner and I don’t want to leave him, everyone has a point in life where unfortunately they lose a job. That isn’t any reason to leave that person. ",4.181437549096621,5.2699584477612005,4.837172034564024,85.50547132757269,70.86567164179105,7.582403770620582,29.03063629222309,7.85451343220497,1.7223179104477615,1056,40,216,13,19,339,144,268,0.102,0.804,0.094,-0.0557,14,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,9,6,6,8,0,0,8,0,28,3,0,4,1,36,50,12,0,4,6,8,2,1,3,3,1,3,3,11,6,11,1,0,11,1,0,3,11,4,1,1,10,5,44,4,30,37,4,30,0,3,0,1,45,18,0,3,9,141,50,6,0.0,0.09842199162603026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946725697024748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804511647121368,0.0,0.06935830672797076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482171125518964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269336289679633,0.0,0.0,0.08137501155301533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054865627783063926,0.0,0.0,0.07937502977331873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400334916580066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184528648771525,0.0,0.0,0.09107976979928796,0.0,0.0,0.043399599292570964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055678726576482464,0.0,0.2499719181682105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472965046437684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045651998067668,0.0,0.09370431743269593,0.2638710403937339,0.0,0.0,0.05867338203543315,0.04058282681401063,0.0,0.07335056215438474,0.0,0.0,0.09293183931299163,0.1813570601939001,0.0,0.07497210938704779,0.0,0.0554485322200441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828813339491166,0.0,0.0,0.06406715932889177,0.08022758795859547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6456602521929883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725317698374975,0.08678837547366884,0.0,0.07852610596588111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350627929831031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170815469244277,0.08201962444000335,0.0,0.0,0.07093961452456976,0.07901668637116215,0.06605900435344705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665803606046889,0.0,0.0,0.06871470451433269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298782040432173,0.05879595496524896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249135897813772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064532351207307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639771641156261,0.0,0.08114536163007223,0.0,0.0,0.07174407746930198,0.0,0.0,0.14698696839464878,0.06593550855719152,0.0,0.0,0.07468810427595746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060474490266532885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imstupidpleasekillme,2019/03/07,"Am I wrong for being upset with my boyfriend? Trigger warning: brief domestic abuse mention 

I don’t know how I should be feeling here honestly, but let’s just get into it. 

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months and it’s been good for the most part. We have our issues but I like to think we work past them pretty well but the biggest reoccurring issues his jealousy. It started off normal which is totally fine and a bit of jealousy is healthy for a functioning relationship but he slowly started getting worse and worse with it. He started getting upset about me liking my guy friends pictures on Facebook and accusing me of flirting with them and then got to the point where he gets upset if I play video games with my guy friends whom I’ve never met but he still thinks I’m going to leave him for one of them. Last night I found out he actually deleted me off Facebook because he “is tired of seeing me like and flirt with all these guys”. I’m honestly at a loss. I sent myself into a panic attack because I looked up some of the warning signs or domestic abuse and he’s starting to fit more and more criteria but he’s never really even yelled at me. I’m just confused and don’t know what to do anymore. ",3.914660722053069,5.565710070247938,4.639351892127014,84.48644410613312,72.26446280991736,7.243497172683776,29.26576772509787,7.85451343220497,1.9110462809917363,975,40,187,13,19,313,137,242,0.20199999999999999,0.625,0.17300000000000001,-0.823,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,3,0,3,2,9,21,1,5,8,0,15,1,0,2,4,48,38,20,0,3,10,0,1,3,2,1,1,1,0,3,8,20,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,8,1,1,6,4,27,13,30,28,8,28,0,1,2,0,27,13,0,5,15,125,35,1,0.0,0.27711887552512393,0.11412040921897335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597695773953542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304060633397324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257587221507328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276724865961789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724036480583421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059130366284455275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282229864122688,0.18070118504984314,0.0,0.2443935131875022,0.0,0.06646193208398338,0.09808702261255003,0.0935307462321135,0.0,0.0,0.3473786386341605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441181660776173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853865443057536,0.095324913673867,0.0,0.1238267396501533,0.0,0.11958309466134187,0.0,0.17139869575686031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820345061730464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334353159086334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803887409510201,0.0,0.0,0.1097439590982511,0.11458022476802575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924423551698881,0.0,0.0,0.13720850836882362,0.0,0.12663888330941708,0.11163621650697213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054981628148856,0.0,0.0,0.11897402193891556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491727798466527,0.0,0.0,0.12555401897053758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931891737994498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33109407066878305,0.0,0.09339157593689014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986590052332585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440984780786402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514664014674614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851365760017012,0.0,0.2383517170035183,0.0,0.12785983254258135,0.0,0.0
bpd,JawnSnuuu,2019/03/07,"My girlfriend who has BPD just broke up with me suddenly and I'm in shock. I don't what happened and am seeking some sort of understanding and insight. So my girlfriend with BPD of 2.5 years broke up with me yesterday. There was no animosity and we were very civil. Things had been weird the past couple of days before the breakup. She was distant and not as affectionate as she was normally. However up until that point, everything had been great and I'm in shock over how quickly it ended. 

She had explained that she spoke to her mom on Friday and came to a realization that there was something missing. The something was feeling loved. This has been a reason for a break we had back at the beginning of our relationship. She is someone who values the words that are said and I am more expressive with actions and physical affection. With that being said, I have gotten better at being more vocally expressive and have been more comfortable opening up, especially recently. 

After the initial break, as things were beginning to improve, she stopped being vocal about it being a problem anymore and when we would do check-ins of our relationship, she would say that everything was great. Her explanation is that she didn't want to be more vocal because she thought she was asking for too much. This is the point I'm really having trouble getting over because I  have reassured her a lot in the past that she shouldn't be afraid to ask for more in our relationship. 

She said that she wants to find out who she is when she is alone and wants to take a journey of self-discovery. I fully respect her decision and her need for that, but I'm really hurt because I felt like we were reaching a new height in our relationship and it's so sudden and she didn't give us a chance to try and solve the problem or at least let me know what she was feeling. I genuinely thought that we had a future together, which we had talked about a lot. Now I'm feeling so broken and lost. Admittedly, I would take her back in a heartbeat because of how special she was to me, which I will regret not being able to convey to her enough. I'm trying to seek some insights of what happened in hopes of it helping my healing process and understanding her.
",7.1252816901408424,7.100698488262911,7.1489319248826275,75.4229753521127,64.11737089201878,10.292488262910801,35.120892018779344,9.928628108626363,3.3724244131455405,1780,74,328,34,24,571,193,426,0.105,0.795,0.1,-0.3489,1,1,2,0,0,0,34.0,11,0,0,2,17,24,0,1,20,0,53,2,0,4,0,76,94,31,0,13,5,1,4,1,2,5,1,5,0,0,27,32,0,1,16,0,0,3,7,13,0,0,34,9,53,11,55,47,12,49,0,6,0,1,63,22,0,7,23,258,80,0,0.08851120565322751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167091547378003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777933233755844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549205830256022,0.0,0.0,0.13611930735332672,0.0,0.2158224377395936,0.0,0.07531651685256137,0.0,0.0,0.0782809686134464,0.0,0.0,0.2229535300771958,0.0,0.0,0.10123323961305916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793596554525874,0.0,0.05708240529698296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839465669106624,0.0914557359764514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590963288112678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426177512730345,0.0,0.08498463783768558,0.0,0.08089763845135882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624345178851896,0.08490801369102424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516783340937754,0.0,0.0,0.15654033369280695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059327195413217564,0.0,0.0,0.08791159856266206,0.0,0.0,0.0947530762840777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048643443859011384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050870459808018,0.0,0.043242104208477385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966204366663328,0.15049812371141386,0.07988481881022763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036632543110915,0.0,0.0,0.06506592038497243,0.06562993747045368,0.0,0.08548467396811986,0.0,0.0,0.08672218883179136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898792209536687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673433973845447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938654022142316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134050896008186,0.0910042609320026,0.08739413751114934,0.3801116419101918,0.0,0.0,0.2525832763151002,0.07038766331511051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923364910729948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499525732026087,0.1362805007562326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399933119553219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309882259154282,0.07114195435918337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760582416553154,0.0,0.0,0.14053602098210086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201865972208225,0.0,0.0,0.1842865732006624,0.106468082303524,0.0,0.0,0.07303101430725355,0.15661860702160968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886274629565012,0.0,0.0,0.05699831448681038
bpd,nnnicknnn0,2019/03/07,"Does anyone else have ""chill"" phases in between mania and depression? I am coming down from mania and life doesn't feel amazing like before but it also doesn't feel bad either. Everything just feels peaceful and content. Is this just my normal self? It usually doesn't last long so I don't know much about myself in this phase",3.716182795698927,6.277859435483878,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,75.61290322580646,6.068817204301076,21.623655913978496,7.1686216300943375,0.8799913978494627,263,7,45,3,6,82,47,62,0.091,0.78,0.129,0.6698,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,12,6,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,6,12,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20027188002948595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751091888645401,0.25659910070368624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091018256959012,0.0,0.0,0.21310078301279173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157266091048094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569833029610608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915637239115046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920536829073647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507381953490294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798806769612675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376319087496619,0.2041370337732473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768888527149474,0.12234934183143767,0.0,0.0,0.2216260994233668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409771403301486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453720261760808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26125715009933664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758175332055988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,morganweed100,2019/03/07,Confused I’ve been doing research on BPD for the past year and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m 90% sure I have it. The problem is I’m way too scared to bring it up to my doctor Bc what if I’m wrong and then I’ll look stupid. I don’t know what to do but I can’t take this shit much longer. ,-2.1999682539682546,-0.4533681714285666,0.4233333333333356,105.88055555555556,95.0,3.6825396825396814,13.492063492063492,5.033348758259628,-1.5466984126984131,228,4,64,1,9,77,49,70,0.225,0.7509999999999999,0.024,-0.9173,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,2,3,0,7,2,1,0,1,10,15,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,1,1,4,1,7,14,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,3,34,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562281987891159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436423817089048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894996352179959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544195584429968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751511173407575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079205977431212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700036329736732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706405325867924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831730722056116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903321083584993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665741909036293,0.0,0.21266114878881195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450593278582331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092421113693545,0.0,0.18214025942196835
bpd,gbuddz,2019/03/07,"Dealing with a break from SO Hi all. As I'm sure you all can relate, it can be extremely difficult to deal with spending time away from your favourite person. For me that person is my significant other and I really just want some advice and tips on how to deal with the related emotions and difficulties. Me and my partner have decided to have a break from seeing each other and also speaking to one and other throughout the day but I'm finding it hard not to loose my cool and message him. Advice and tips please? ",6.261433333333336,6.59014681,6.722000000000001,76.55433333333336,65.9,9.466666666666667,31.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,2.7591666666666668,411,15,75,7,6,134,66,100,0.049,0.8290000000000001,0.122,0.764,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,6,0,0,1,3,23,10,13,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,12,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,9,2,15,9,4,6,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,1,2,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865539303113432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817166374947733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582912582671687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755743902511504,0.6117348269444708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248582315388601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807754163537396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771799507964577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340268366813063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454031717292198,0.0,0.21711275125475776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670859546504334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761209753366962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864136408009565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533226307808515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666098226133755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aphyrodite,2019/03/07,Moving on How do you guys move on from your FP? I can never.... I think I’ll die with my FP in my memory,-2.944933333333335,-1.4765305599999967,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,94.6,4.933333333333334,8.333333333333334,6.42735559955562,-1.5852666666666666,76,0,22,1,3,29,20,25,0.157,0.843,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37692455475287057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35960630415500044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7720078858721916,0.0,0.0,0.2801075882196937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327117298488132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jatmasrulesok,2019/03/07,"Feeling beaten today I've been off work for 2 days (booked some holidays in) and it's given me time to assess my situation and that I really can't cope in this kind of environment, especially the customer service aspect. 

People's moods on the phone bring me up and down like a yo-yo and the day feels exhausting. Then there's the fact that I've moved onto a new team full of men and literally no-one talks to me except for when they have to. I understand I suffer from selective mutism and can be difficult to talk to but it would be nice if anyone just reached out and said two words to me at the very least. My old team was quite good at doing this, they understood I was little bit weird.

I feel so alone and alienated sometimes, and it's only been made worse by this change. It feels like I'm just a burden on the team and too weird to communicate with. I feel so fucking stuck all the time. ",4.417295081967211,5.007322491803278,5.381543715846995,83.64149590163936,69.98360655737704,8.94153005464481,25.08606557377049,9.075114841892004,1.6269311475409831,708,18,151,13,12,233,119,183,0.133,0.773,0.09300000000000001,-0.763,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,6,7,14,2,0,10,0,11,2,0,1,2,30,25,16,0,2,5,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,9,12,0,0,7,5,0,2,1,8,0,1,9,6,14,5,26,13,5,24,0,1,0,1,10,13,1,2,11,95,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714753574768697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576686332791028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807540455641547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514576504686885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355139311855936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41857306952167816,0.1182796340879549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306212933709826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886802573712673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724104186630677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177334411635844,0.16593957639226922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666155984528474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596934105333334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599036613926876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373256506977844,0.0,0.0,0.1259196058908221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478189046369118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609870519918272,0.0,0.0,0.10606514715432758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749018240941395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610194184257564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374797004060515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661496722770993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308450875210773,0.0,0.15693621456248355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173289961526366,0.17235895297025472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660842395335904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053325620939373,0.0,0.16872482969575794,0.1176125909119359,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DionisoGVP,2019/03/07,"Talkspace a good therapy starting point? I’m ready to start therapy but the whole look for a therapist, explaining to my partner what I’m doing thing seems too overwhelming whelming at the moment. At the same time I can’t continue the emotional rollercoaster I’m on. I’m thinking at least I can start talking to a professional while I figure out my next steps. Any thoughts?  ",4.02485714285714,6.775820914285719,4.661428571428573,79.45357142857145,75.57142857142857,9.142857142857146,32.85714285714286,9.606745405546679,3.7735714285714295,304,16,53,9,7,97,49,70,0.0,0.904,0.096,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,15,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,9,14,3,15,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,1,8,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913318140920054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466857310202021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839404844149898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415881934884365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332306360124181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073116934044174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964470764061606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656701935967005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762669966166733,0.0,0.0,0.5015829118281981,0.25462703900267164,0.14569479849839748,0.14052015039970314,0.0,0.17410164338404222,0.12787701806938606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448433458152113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aFrustratedDev,2019/03/07,"Hi yall I have some questions regarding bpd if any might want to take some time to answer I guess this is the first time I have posted here, so here it goes.   


So maybe I have had BPD during my life without noticing, but I guess a little background about me. Grew up in an mixed race family (arab/white). Early on I was diagnosed with ADD and dysgraphia. I never really grew up with many friends, a bit of a loner lol, after some point in my teenage years I definitely started having issues with depression, anxiety and anorexia, btw I am a guy, and not a lot of guys have that issue but just thought to note it for that reason. Also attempted suicide during that time, and I self harmed quite a bit vi bashing my head against the walls in my bathroom, or punching those same walls. At some point one of my exes brought it to my attention that my intense interests of things like anime mixed with the inability to hold eye contact for longer than maybe a second or two, and having a bunch of tics probably meant I had autism, and after about 5 meetings with a psychologist I got diagnosed which is apparently pretty common to be undiagnosed with autism. Anyway fastforward to modern day, and it seems I  check out 5 of the 9 symptoms for bpd in DSMIV and I seem to check out with DSMV, but I guess   


didn't know how to fit this all in but like I've had troubles with bullying outside of home, and abuse and neglect in home. probably why I played too much video games. esacpism.

  
idk everything seems to just get stranger the further I get into adulthood. When did any of you dude learn about that you had bpd? and what was your approach to attempting to cope with it?   


Also I guess I should note that I am going to try to go to a psychologist before I full on think it is a part of me, but it seems pretty possible in my case, so like maybe until I get to that point see what works to help my current problems. ",5.892821566731143,5.909239853723407,6.1392843326885895,81.48772727272728,66.68617021276596,9.283172147001935,30.654738878143128,8.97023862654752,2.307732978723404,1499,51,301,23,22,480,201,376,0.121,0.768,0.111,-0.8364,2,0,0,0,1,1,33.0,0,4,0,5,16,11,0,0,17,1,22,6,2,2,2,68,45,27,1,4,12,0,0,3,1,2,4,0,2,3,21,24,0,2,13,3,2,6,4,5,0,4,12,2,37,6,62,30,13,47,0,2,2,0,14,24,0,18,19,208,58,2,0.0,0.0953956450762166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877365656376102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950424141927302,0.0,0.061592809371025126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851128336418863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580035563074312,0.0,0.4056170708495913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051924717284347735,0.0,0.06934638727822888,0.1634395520784363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236057986277024,0.0,0.07590121151123881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848496684691523,0.0,0.0,0.062204734633111436,0.0,0.12619535640861249,0.0,0.0915156554695024,0.0,0.0643942124430529,0.0,0.35477995464456225,0.15944257017454255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263035047035364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396667910326114,0.0,0.1615237407184576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680709037496508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424825928366592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568692528529683,0.11800487509892126,0.08069594362860816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684499232721802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162831994125326,0.2426606943005088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541238051721461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059186880848101565,0.0,0.06209717860214457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166545438259588,0.0,0.0,0.054558210453112384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718856080908355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833459504869535,0.09076717191743873,0.07710993021115264,0.1638228871803549,0.17361491128318968,0.07704079888550233,0.0,0.0,0.09019384254062217,0.0856362990479839,0.0,0.0,0.05157917913140095,0.08278155932603984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415904605467565,0.29318682880602004,0.08399341564268954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698805682670916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806899031351953,0.0,0.0,0.08368462935542455,0.06053633074840574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348976746001537,0.05158996920819504,0.0,0.06391893543901207,0.14084467044484525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054663560948340295,0.0,0.07865024868686288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474891042680903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265114923351074,0.0,0.0,0.07761239571713605,0.0,0.05861497937931918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518482245100558
bpd,silent-waltz,2019/03/07,"Splitting (TW: r*pe) My ex and I had a really bad break-up. He raped me and then lied about it to the police investigators so they closed the case. I still get angry when I think about it, so I try not to think about it.

He was in an open relationship, but lied to his partners about me and said we were just friends because he was ashamed of me because I had an STD. After we broke up, I found his ex partners, current partners, and people he was hoping to date on social media and blocked all of them. I also blocked people he socialized with randomly.

I just want this guy out of my life forever. I had to unblock one of his current girlfriends today so I could find someone on her profile that I'd forgotten to block.

I realize I'm being scary and crazy but I just want to erase this guy from my memory. I wish you could delete people from real life.

I was doing so well with not caring and not thinking about it but I just randomly got mad about it, and now I'm mad again. I know it's due to BPD splitting but argh I just hate him so much. I wish I could go back in time and have this not happen.",2.181686968512988,3.6975116550218345,3.641530682601701,90.42166628361299,76.55458515283844,6.567777522408643,23.40634336934039,7.273561745256523,0.7589336244541487,855,26,189,10,19,282,121,229,0.21899999999999997,0.698,0.083,-0.9881,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,2,0,23,12,5,1,5,0,14,4,0,0,1,51,33,21,0,8,13,2,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,5,10,16,0,3,7,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,11,1,35,4,29,18,2,22,0,1,0,2,28,8,0,3,13,131,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079726573675353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653532166394217,0.1156822942105406,0.16891588176540778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449711216375033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412595319556789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318593510105948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663091080676406,0.0,0.0,0.15191138918477173,0.10704230503568128,0.0,0.07238592536109413,0.0,0.07874036249880871,0.0,0.11080997244850643,0.0,0.0,0.274369794083353,0.12251806982866235,0.0,0.0,0.1367880591552244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761002186932836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614268745740921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957219477566392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184916294909546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938841173419991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881564640031322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769863947957669,0.08875778119845187,0.0,0.0,0.14874934653464425,0.0,0.0,0.13179144635381482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28246570067764665,0.11739177956798268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064509130299434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663290464947424,0.0,0.0,0.08078880311029157,0.0,0.13132787317951575,0.0,0.0,0.09406540514770004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343910845109025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245718308373073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186481059088685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darlinng,2019/03/07,Advice Give me advice how do I deal with all this?? One moment I'm fine the next I'm causing issues and others are left hurt!! ,-0.9594444444444434,1.157576666666671,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,97.14814814814815,2.7,10.453703703703702,3.1291,-1.8093629629629628,98,1,21,0,4,33,23,27,0.154,0.782,0.064,-0.5489999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,5,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5674014989671637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29824219239988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993107649939437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27850474139357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31079729532681216,0.0,0.0,0.3030222899512212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154373159490418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30876231996666137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673070708025053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teatreeramram,2019/03/07,I feel like I'm heading towards a breakdown I've been spiraling so much lately. I have no money in my account I have two midterms and I'm helping a friend with costumes for a play I'm trying to figure out arrangements to keep my housemates happy I have a cat and a romantic partner and I'm so stressed with family stuff as well..residual trauma and toxic relationship with my dad and resentment toward my mom. I wanna die..and I feel so out of control and my symptoms feel like they're FLARING up,3.6129,5.292819090000002,5.215,79.93750000000001,73.1,7.800000000000002,31.5,8.472884824447931,2.6467,399,19,73,7,8,135,62,100,0.11,0.698,0.192,0.8011,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,1,5,0,4,2,1,1,0,18,12,10,0,1,0,2,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,11,0,2,4,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,11,5,15,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,48,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348519355494525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731676499504207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973969848798045,0.0,0.3176260161269677,0.29918065048351056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177643040659995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229026292029568,0.0,0.0,0.21489751899406967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403516429692603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861180251217781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620430483313026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459758223310948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452384266062996,0.0,0.0,0.15392787007260786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480960494701235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23985885249918,0.0,0.23970476670602145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763939187056025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216403004842745,0.0,0.2045464313640722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826935869287095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zenith1357,2019/03/07,"Hello Hello to everyone here. I am 18, and very new to reddit and r/BPD. I joined reddit because I felt I may get answers to questions I don't really know about. Idk how to go about this, but I thought letting this out may help. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since the last 2 years but due to noone taking it seriously, I never could receive the help I needed. I knew there was more to this. I hate to self diagnose but I feel like I have BPD. I still feel weird writing this because I have been constantly putting off writing here because I feel like I'm faking everything. I'm scared and terrified. I self harm, have suicidal tendencies and blow things out of proportion all the time. I overthink relationships with my loved ones, and it has taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I go through constant cycles of guilt, then ""why the eff have I been guilty"", then again being guilty for not being guilty enough. There are so many things that I can't explain without feeling stupid. I'm tired. I'll be moving to college in a few months and it has terrified me to my core. I really don't know how I can seek help without keeping the financial aspect  in mind, and I'm very, very lost ",4.080480859010272,5.5550223235294105,4.8372549019607884,83.93209150326798,71.56302521008405,8.314098972922503,28.348272642390288,8.841846274778883,2.178024463118581,955,36,188,18,18,308,135,238,0.244,0.655,0.10099999999999999,-0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,2,2,7,0,24,5,0,2,2,43,48,17,1,2,6,0,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,10,13,0,1,12,0,0,5,7,10,0,1,9,5,27,3,25,32,4,25,0,2,0,1,14,6,0,3,16,123,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517563720245208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036175044789756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804604370429862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064035018869506,0.0,0.08889680891862163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589792679419153,0.2260177467877119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504512026861613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063911930381524,0.10006620190066834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225189623549702,0.1590842090265174,0.10690491718899714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817112962729822,0.0,0.1265554266515056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992628581994857,0.0,0.1183503833896614,0.0,0.0,0.22388877828080886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989650860248646,0.0,0.0,0.12238031413317987,0.0907578574850177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385381895044705,0.0,0.10879127539060546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215419638583042,0.0,0.10048969033528568,0.0,0.0,0.11288240032825367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220564169509273,0.0,0.11242277182269217,0.0,0.08887140424019391,0.11833796938182195,0.0,0.08255801529446143,0.08587312074127114,0.10753392876656816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754476112946297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192855871798107,0.124727514276189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265592018808654,0.0,0.0,0.1195386737971226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147186530930166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323061010281505,0.0,0.0,0.09210250898074476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891714676165666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178909266086227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371465107775182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794015969536434,0.0,0.0,0.08839239695212553,0.06492389113932591,0.1279702161983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756042057268133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046802528812336,0.0,0.0,0.21465769551748248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170001832287415
bpd,amaryllisveto,2019/03/07,"has anyone else read the book Attached? It's a book explaining attachment styles and how they make us respond to others. They are formed in childhood ways of attaching. There is secure, which means comfortable, anxious, which means a strong need for contact and low self esteem, and avoidant, which means more closed off but with an underlying fear of being dependent. 

People with BPD are prone to anxious attachment, sometimes with a dose of avoidant mixed in sometimes not. I feel like, as someone who finds explanations of BPD gothically complex sometimes, the ""anxious"" attachment described in this book nails us to a t. 

It says that there is nothing wrong with being wired to be anxious when a partner isn't available. It's built into the very cognition we have, there is no right or wrong about it. It describes how anxious people genuinely can't relax until they get a signal that the partner is available. They have the foible of not being great at communicating their needs, because they don't think they could be met - so they sort of play games to get the other person to respond emotionally, whether positively or negatively. Not even play games, but do things like get mad, try not to take their call, etc. 

Ultimately, their needs in relationships are the same ones that secure people have - to be supported, to have  communication responded to with care and empathy. The book even literally shows examples of secure and not secure communication. 

I swear to god, this made me rethink so much in past relationships! 

It's a really validating and kind of surprising book, I highly recommend it for people here. ",8.549138359569184,9.425752140845075,7.752758906379455,69.2341632145816,61.04225352112676,10.907705053852528,36.4241922120961,10.718039707386858,4.113258740679371,1304,56,209,30,17,405,155,284,0.106,0.713,0.182,0.9723,0,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,0,10,1,12,23,1,3,16,0,23,1,0,5,0,46,41,18,0,4,10,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,4,19,14,0,6,9,12,0,0,10,7,0,1,2,2,17,16,38,32,5,18,0,1,0,0,30,13,0,4,6,148,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181962053309409,0.0,0.06414621732805789,0.09399770387067348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055923395903604005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23108475024560865,0.0,0.093676032312296,0.0,0.093534280473241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732463270156093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663637246903775,0.10319430958530323,0.0,0.0,0.10231351501693606,0.1211858201157489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323216238087124,0.04638612175084579,0.06553853922947156,0.0,0.0,0.08384801339776539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437899167150853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114284807189858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692755549326676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955323126779082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963832819916087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680589743823013,0.06123666239516527,0.0,0.0,0.2997928157960203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743890512276712,0.2040704765303816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802628553523532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216489069356699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757549557168103,0.25440178231845256,0.08010317540663536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917640769227755,0.0,0.05877051329465914,0.0,0.0,0.1969872461894901,0.0,0.07834481908096189,0.0,0.07295473452208855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570404635787076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773036964903486,0.0,0.2721973949531878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410461485119103,0.0,0.0,0.06897649964524415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094748196027901,0.058782807758478765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228492949187004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207020467423872,0.0,0.0,0.07569448976893016,0.0,0.07281834731615654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006049389523943,0.0,0.0
bpd,StevenWheeler666,2019/03/07,You never know what will trigger you I was placing a GoPuff order for some ice cream and after placing an order looked through my order history just out of general curiosity. I come across an order from 2 years ago I made the night I eventually ended up in the hospital due to the end of a very long tumultuous relationship. Life is wild. ,6.332076923076925,6.892896015384617,7.6305769230769265,69.29817307692309,65.76923076923077,10.807692307692307,33.17307692307692,10.686352973137794,3.756307692307692,271,11,47,7,4,93,52,65,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,2,1,10,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,11,4,1,20,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,1,9,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220245929918836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157558324010284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436802573438589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765055298671391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691281487409954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165612189106412,0.2103298706923445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369986891163328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931762087792524,0.0,0.0,0.2350470638384441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233710848345056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689086830348502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666216671893295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129305176583633
bpd,pumpkinkin,2019/03/07,"Invalidated, conflicted, and sick of myself.. Mood stabilizer experiences?? Is this a good idea? Last week, my therapist and I discussed me asking for a mood stabilizer from my psychiatrist. Today was my appointment. And I finally did, after only being on antidepressants and benzos with this doctor.

""Why do you need it for, what are your symptoms?""
I basically gave him every BPD symptom.
""So you have Bipolar? Why didn't you tell me that before?""
I had moved back to my hometown over a year ago and back where I lived, I was diagnosed with PTSD and BPD. So I told him I have BPD.

""Borderline personality doesn't exist anymore, you have Bipolar.""
I told him that my mood swings aren't the same as a person with Bipolar disorder. Didn't listen.

But since I ""have"" ""Bipolar"", he prescribed me Carbamazapine. I did my research prior to this and found that Lamictal worked well for people with BPD. He said no, he doesn't like that one. I asked about getting one least likely to give me weight gain. He said none will.

I don't know if stabilizing my shitty emotions is worth gaining even more weight. I still haven't lost the weight I gained from when I was on Paxil. I already hate my fat body and I haven't even started taking the pill yet. 

Is it worth it??? Today was awful. I can't trust my ""gut feeling"", like ever, because of my mental illness. How do I decide if I actually want to take this pill?? 

A part of me wants to come up with an elaborate plan to emotionally manipulate my primary doc to prescribe me Vyvanse. Because I NEED stable emotions but what is it worth if I'm fat?? ",2.9112141280353185,5.3635573841059605,4.4340132450331184,81.20276379690951,77.80794701986757,7.0730242825607075,25.298454746136866,8.131152278815165,1.7561599116997797,1238,46,231,23,30,412,162,302,0.067,0.862,0.071,-0.4409,0,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,5,0,6,14,11,1,0,9,1,29,19,4,2,1,33,53,18,0,7,5,0,4,3,0,1,14,3,0,2,14,14,5,1,5,0,3,2,11,2,1,2,16,7,48,6,27,35,5,23,0,1,0,0,25,5,0,3,19,161,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.08715123358029704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916570692101739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855304288515904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856903864142507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698090673875954,0.0,0.0,0.13734390398937205,0.0,0.10888204158546408,0.0,0.07599410150215771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920049540161407,0.44991866068683134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693050019456339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064522878729303,0.0,0.0,0.10235412794289493,0.09141000669609722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013767384678656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797351799017974,0.08078374331017732,0.07524541739265783,0.0,0.0,0.08735986809897198,0.0,0.0,0.0451565534948004,0.06380129316658692,0.0,0.09783199682764043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792106000721386,0.0,0.0,0.04665948076045864,0.08567188819171813,0.0,0.07490689069033755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817266316034561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081729272219184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908106434704974,0.0727975291577523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089339471787415,0.0,0.0788601553792962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748968191901176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000095087426717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491973494377053,0.0,0.1324407537186926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121034141512436,0.06792237524921088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967113154884486,0.0,0.06191457303835874,0.1559597219522736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439568395576827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990376029216214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387608377748166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321230551000577,0.0,0.07132108186968157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564936766987375,0.13429624545224045,0.0,0.07805868811109037,0.0,0.0,0.10369288652271867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693061279900435,0.17067427971405116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535175033320718,0.0,0.07163708654786027,0.32625741256444285,0.08029816452926798,0.0,0.1611722489491628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501692091827327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057511099524715566
bpd,supermanstuntdouble,2019/03/07,"What has saved your life when your BPD took you to an all time low? I was diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago at the ripe age of 19 years old. I’ve struggled with meds, relationships and anxiety from trauma I experienced. The last few years have been far from easy.

About a month ago I attempted suicide after being stressed from working 3 jobs, starting at a new job and breaking up with my significant other. After a few days in emerge I was moved to a psych ward and I had no desire to get better. I cried for days. I didn’t eat. I hated myself and the world. But I got exhausted of being exhausted mentally and physically. I’m a yoga instructor so I borrowed a mat from the Rec Therapist to stretch out and try to stop myself from constantly shaking . Yoga saved my life. Even when I couldn’t hold myself in a plank or down dog I tried to remember the 8 limbs of yoga. I started to practice my yamas, nyamas, mindfulness and breathing techniques. After a few days I was able to smile. After a few weeks I had my strength back. My practice was back to normal and I was only crying about once a day.  Now I am back in the real world and it is scary as hell but doing yoga clears my head and makes it all manageable. 

What has saved your life when your BPD took you to an all time low? (A person? An activity? Music? A tv show?) ",1.9801210025929168,4.132740404494385,3.662191011235958,87.09712402765776,79.4119850187266,6.654508787093057,22.25424949582253,7.748469712250963,1.0443374819936624,1036,32,211,17,26,345,146,267,0.131,0.792,0.077,-0.8753,3,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,6,0,4,12,15,2,3,21,0,18,9,2,1,4,33,27,18,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,14,1,2,1,6,1,4,3,10,0,0,12,1,32,5,38,12,7,51,1,2,0,0,8,14,1,1,32,144,37,5,0.10679104673176328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932763904931368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169485844985012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634716935641984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444800255188272,0.0,0.0,0.4034987548825216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540318330264193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346099006272099,0.2754855621564692,0.0,0.0,0.1083906644988658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927390122063743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053447919598081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579391427943671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541055561916854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543404962892293,0.10959842316451712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194727150488665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704895629752615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262890234792999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128385293952001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862077860081414,0.0,0.10762025758336577,0.0,0.10782851449369883,0.0,0.08523959465527825,0.11350198220310265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313945839066932,0.0,0.0,0.1046325519110012,0.0,0.0,0.11205923935734273,0.1137289794865989,0.0,0.08121940322837308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324582288348214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155159071623013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146536187563455,0.12097343827667975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117450505448615,0.0,0.0,0.08928209685428849,0.12232878322195087,0.11164118886615336,0.0,0.11681207223628955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399263617478493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454143628027985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23729756454236606,0.14500822156490928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566133615158167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777451538959517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630979843976685
bpd,WishIWasInEngland,2019/03/07,"i can’t let myself love (in general) over the years i’ve become better at completely abstaining from anything in the love department & it’s helped w/ everything (kind of) — it hurts more than i can ever express but it needs to be done in order to protect others & myself from further harm (it’s just the best thing for everybody involved pretty much)... also, i definitely don’t deserve love nor would anybody ever truly love me and ig that’s okay.. (ik it actually isn’t okay but it needs to be okay so i can live with forcing myself to do this) —— i’m just wondering if anybody else also does the same thing ig

sorry if this is incoherent & stuff.. i can’t see well atm

thank you ^",4.019343065693434,5.258514182481754,5.515043795620439,79.92366058394163,71.4087591240876,8.39970802919708,27.56861313868613,8.841846274778883,2.1444721167883216,541,19,104,10,10,183,88,137,0.05,0.644,0.305,0.9923,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,2,8,14,0,0,4,3,13,4,0,0,2,17,23,9,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,2,1,0,1,1,10,12,15,18,4,11,0,1,1,4,8,6,0,3,3,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.13090097364150638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454290045209204,0.0,0.4360208478643748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103855236930264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814673303587955,0.0,0.0,0.1407713139289257,0.11863564244701387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064289789938866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738653419150435,0.13727146058281806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120564866536294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24267403269661664,0.0,0.0,0.12055609117899975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991099710559307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359929722256373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968583031389384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716690668536055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844779123131223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842651780722472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860809597789696,0.19892573976728245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646827431162706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689195444251386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015838481406169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355783608619586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349779118769814,0.0,0.0,0.17823288025835432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206076780178058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546875632469208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528897699046844,0.0,0.0,0.08638155323461554
bpd,ghostlyfrenchfries,2019/03/07,"Depakote It actually helps, I still cut my arms tonight but it's not as extreme and psychotic lmao",3.1515789473684217,5.842012842105267,4.262368421052631,81.4240789473684,78.47368421052632,8.010526315789475,35.8157894736842,8.841846274778883,3.5818210526315784,80,5,15,2,2,26,18,19,0.068,0.617,0.315,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.6833475255044961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693659311963074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592242680884881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway81661,2019/03/07,"I’m nothing but an empty shell, and my dreams are not even my true dreams. I see no point. My last brightest memory of when I was happy relate to year 2016, when I was studying abroad and met someone who I fell in love with (we broke up and I have very opposite feelings towards him, as a hope he is gone, and I accept in my clarity sometimes that he is not for me (he also has BPD) ).

So for the last 2,5 years I was dreaming to move to this country and for 50% this ideal dream was fueled by the thought of me and him reconnecting (he still messages me sometimes).

But during my lowest phases (seem to be objective clarity) I realize that moving to this country won’t probably make me happy and as opposing my high expectations I will be damned there being alone without my ex and just getting disappointed (though I genuinely in love with that country and culture  since childhood, but after I met him he is inseparably associated with this country).  

So I still keep this dream to move. But I don’t feel now if it is even my dream. And if this dream was fueled only with love to my ex and so strongly associated with it, then if I move, and it will be sad there, I will be so much damaged.

I truly don’t know what to do.

Rejecting this dream makes me so dead and hopeless inside. I’m basically on the border of committing suicide (wanting to) and I don’t see any point to live, realizing that I am nothing but the shell filled with someone else’s dreams depending on circumstances.",7.094942922374429,6.138296051369864,7.721863013698634,74.37290867579911,64.513698630137,10.663378995433787,35.22009132420091,9.888512548439397,3.272566392694064,1165,46,227,21,15,389,146,292,0.146,0.628,0.226,0.9833,1,1,0,0,0,3,34.0,1,0,0,2,17,17,1,0,6,0,26,3,0,3,2,52,47,34,2,7,12,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,16,21,0,2,8,9,0,7,8,7,0,0,9,4,36,10,34,29,1,29,0,6,2,3,19,10,1,6,12,162,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944267079603195,0.0,0.09222594070519023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842544776306963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524871360884647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633984505637176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234310754593028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662430353284152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060252931476702375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455327577075029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184796040139922,0.0,0.11454446671557796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250680337560213,0.0,0.0,0.06338000249270967,0.18801171656982568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183472813819908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312257908588678,0.0,0.15396163406098246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902919785768778,0.08477767750455108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213162871919266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771041072308199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180401735969216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434063721419784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379934328292613,0.10498820880968948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539863155493833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543022528076992,0.0,0.2281201820117709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419854609183456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614762514876596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330693938082023,0.09155574372959374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515580110353064,0.06802210065694475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116988359885856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853197173805996
bpd,knife_mom,2019/03/07,"i need help i feel so awful. my mood changes about every 5ish minutes (ranges from 2 or 3 up to 20). i split so hard and i feel like im walking around in a dream when im dissociating. literally the highest of highs and lowest of lows. manic episodes are hell, and i dont feel safe occasionally because of how low i can drop. i don't even know.. i'm on 3 mood stabilizers right now. it helps, life is just shit rn tbh. does anyone have any tips? especially for splitting, and the whole ""i hate you, dont leave me"" thing.",-0.4291666666666636,1.8126344166666684,1.9680000000000002,93.77700000000002,93.72222222222223,4.731851851851851,18.31111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.15004888888888868,399,12,93,5,15,135,83,108,0.244,0.6609999999999999,0.095,-0.9525,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,9,9,3,0,3,1,7,2,1,1,0,14,14,9,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,5,11,2,11,14,1,12,1,2,0,0,3,8,2,1,3,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629840583425844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986224820187806,0.0,0.0,0.16533336542176366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321537296555645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964709257743251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252795990334248,0.0,0.43533331443701373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266867561289448,0.0,0.15648012968919225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28172227327718163,0.1326809654991676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663718514096089,0.18336358870033506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489732069030617,0.1962271633991143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012266820342992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206882465987012,0.0,0.0,0.1966544590581694,0.0,0.0,0.13118205985857118,0.09073516186829897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771168422050373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860692593595738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064259002799214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338649665228615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073537489335654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDgirl1996,2019/03/07,"Agoraphobia Hey guys, I have a lot of trouble leaving my house and getting shit done. Just the thought of leaving the house is super intimidating and I will often make the preparation for leaving so convoluted in my head that it makes it even harder. Not really sure what to do about this. I always think ""Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will go out, I will get up early and be productive"" but tomorrow comes and it's the same thing. Meanwhile I end up not leaving. If I am productive it's all things around the house because I'm too anxious to leave the house.

​

Is this ""agoraphobia""? I have BPD and bad anxiety problems so I think it's more to do with the anxiety.

​

I have been having trouble sleeping as well. So I get up really late in the day which makes being productive much harder.

​

Not sure why I am really posting this since I don't think it's anything anyone else can fix for me. Just wondering if anyone else is going through the same shit or has been through it. If you have gotten past this how did you do it?

​

When I think about leaving the house it all just feels too much. I feel tired all the time as well. Especially if I go out and do something the day before. I am trying really hard to learn all this mindfulness crap but it's really irritating me because I feel like as much progress as I am making, it's all happening too slow. I don't want to be well and sane 5 years from now. I want to be well and sane NOW. I know I've made leaps and bounds with my mental health but the fact that I still hardly function like a normal person is pissing me off.

​

I haven't lived like a normal person since I was in high school so I often have dreams about high school. I often romanticise my manic days where somehow I manage to get shit done. Those days often aren't nearly as productive as I feel like they are. I can tell they're not actually productive when I look at them objectively because I will look at notes I take for uni in that state and it's all very rushed. I get anxious about tasks I need to do and so I end up trying to rush through all of it as fast as I can. I think because I feel manic and energetic so rarely, I feel like I need to USE that energy and make the most of it, but that focus ends up leaving me drained for days after.

​

This starts making me wonder if I might have bipolar disorder and not BPD in some ways but the symptoms of BPD fit so well in so many other ways. This said, I don't think I fit several criteria anymore like I used to. **TW: Eating disorder, recovery** \>!I recovered from the eating disorder and recently, was successfully able to lose 5 kilograms of overweight weight without doing anything unhealthy. That said, I think my mind still has an eating disorder and I just don't act on it. Kind of like quitting smoking. You still want cigarettes, it just gets easier the longer you go without them.!<

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As well as this, **TW: Self harm** \>!I haven't self harmed in months now and self harm hasn't been a regular problem for years even.!< So in a lot of ways I am doing much better. My emotions are definitely more under control than they were. I guess because I have made it this far I am just feeling frustrated that my progress isn't going faster. I am annoyed at myself for still not leaving my house enough. I don't attend my classes in person as much as I want to. I end up watching the lectures online and such, but it's not the same and it's harder to be as disciplined. I really really want to go to my classes. I hate this.

​

Anyway, I hope that this doesn't make anyone feel down because I know objectively that I've made leaps and bounds towards recovery and if I can do it, I am sure you can too. I hardly feel like a success story but I know I definitely don't have it the worst out of people with BPD. My suggestion to others with recovery is to try to be gentle with yourself while also being totally honest about your limitations and things you need to work on. This said, this is difficult because we are hyper critical of ourselves, but it is a balance you need to find. Don't beat yourself up, but do try to be honest with yourself about your BPD patterns. I am going to try to make little goals and meet those and hope that it helps keep me motivated.",3.7298173374612986,5.406721714619883,4.701980564155488,83.74655185758516,72.78947368421052,7.789645682834537,27.193412452700386,8.450384577883757,1.8924754041967669,3426,125,671,59,68,1115,299,855,0.132,0.721,0.147,0.9667,1,0,2,0,0,0,125.0,1,9,3,14,52,45,8,0,28,0,81,16,7,16,12,155,154,67,0,21,31,0,13,8,0,6,5,3,0,7,55,36,5,6,25,1,0,12,22,19,6,0,17,19,96,26,104,122,24,89,0,1,3,0,28,37,5,22,43,481,151,12,0.033249622985869434,0.0,0.03244683571843068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026589711489041868,0.027666349896006172,0.28820762090915025,0.3232154502433993,0.0,0.0,0.05087174115193985,0.07512521969024417,0.032974691561765315,0.06974672845188372,0.06813633601536158,0.054723213331774385,0.029599213786856975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02776204635552103,0.1418806309224014,0.0,0.028292980210525818,0.0,0.0,0.02940658952904977,0.0,0.0,0.20938368096235355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028641606079503883,0.0,0.0,0.03729227945148116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721628076603154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03473877919872414,0.15242779421619876,0.0,0.0,0.06805181667414943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206799527606823,0.05555158701251954,0.037401350582198505,0.117797187818086,0.0343557487288768,0.0,0.043922124795007886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130807578939487,0.09501414921877573,0.0,0.0,0.03038955304137553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422933409521924,0.0,0.13227568886512395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036628208314576235,0.03292235425428987,0.02940253179783814,0.0,0.08935539391143338,0.03282711900783755,0.0341237056999657,0.035342794411512606,0.0,0.0,0.022286521415456013,0.0702601044310968,0.0,0.06604875589980234,0.0,0.2301936044751473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02955379263773465,0.0,0.03462436574994555,0.054819369720814234,0.0,0.037507022979698296,0.2816523990038006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995269030053014,0.033324857221216884,0.029360026257854614,0.0,0.05584261835319363,0.03719782319701087,0.0,0.056535280889632514,0.0,0.09438479163444093,0.17755505224497325,0.033709898972985035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03350779957496895,0.035272595593656836,0.06714528162734952,0.0,0.02653953184741423,0.0,0.12221149322634055,0.09861669655831644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515514192549686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031740527413274135,0.023051102060436916,0.0870968648805493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031843947775754916,0.0,0.0,0.06363079747561612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03536506682246375,0.0,0.0,0.1491039192300238,0.0,0.032829991434140934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488401663983577,0.0,0.0,0.06730078714870343,0.0,0.0,0.1040598247427632,0.03756260984512209,0.10239078055522123,0.0550088634520691,0.0,0.03327363546594357,0.0,0.0,0.02559718420412793,0.0,0.0,0.023534254284268703,0.0,0.10621276746721713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401212851317113,0.034559089335579773,0.02499957851873724,0.0,0.029061636026106324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626871624198333,0.1491351109388855,0.0,0.026396486631852244,0.01938812254944555,0.03821555040512384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287155722415508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057433997408521426,0.0,0.027434421145558892,0.09805744552546146,0.07917600925087466,0.0,0.04048908329620402,0.17937242510093654,0.0,0.030002613096722582,0.0,0.0,0.06410290008562987,0.07211559558843618,0.024206121534811463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232154502433993,0.042823334142378364
bpd,phototropism,2019/03/07,"DAE feel shitty about how their closest friends never validate their relationship with you? My closest friends are logical people with mild abandonment issues. They always talk about their other friends & how great they are, but rarely talk about what they like about me. Sometimes I feel like they might just not value me much, but they point out if I’m talking to other people or tell me not to leave the text convo when they push me away with nonresponses. I care about them a lot, but it really wears on my insecurities, to be this close to people who don’t affirm our friendship :/ ",9.954444444444443,8.526541111111115,8.458074074074078,72.89433333333334,59.185185185185176,11.232592592592594,34.56296296296296,9.888512548439397,3.1286496296296304,472,14,84,7,5,143,72,108,0.11900000000000001,0.69,0.191,0.8467,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,10,0,10,9,0,1,2,0,5,1,1,2,1,22,9,8,0,1,8,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,20,7,15,7,2,10,0,1,0,0,21,7,0,4,4,62,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461889079777404,0.19036102309277436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506738944326685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912858770590556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766920184435095,0.12551361824867993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072150741340925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936998439503192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337565978396064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860313015379933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716674042222176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936612539305874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863802869102556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915303105934342,0.0,0.13550365759741875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36540585771871226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608469435386525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255209311451557,0.0,0.0,0.18862628240398874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376279829703822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42364108522298416,0.1535615956088353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dangley_dude,2019/03/07,"How do I get out of this cycle? If every little thing someone does makes me push my friends and family away and pushing them away makes me depressed and being depressed makes me self harm and self harm makes me angrier which makes me push more people away which just makes everything worse, how can I end this cycle and just be happy and normal and have friends? Sorry for the trash grammar.",7.805675675675676,7.549521594594594,6.614189189189191,80.59263513513514,62.78378378378378,9.021621621621623,30.66216216216216,8.07648339933343,2.061308108108108,314,9,57,3,4,94,46,74,0.23199999999999998,0.6629999999999999,0.106,-0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,8,0,20,12,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,6,10,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203966779020543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569269869681828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305230002384303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321034701207908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566610703092942,0.0,0.1340472553012782,0.0,0.1406062402542753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23046730582110975,0.0,0.07792521466993056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877395824512971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948843386655905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5973564982364888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613626189214085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340248790980706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111939360252368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637511474346574,0.0,0.0,0.16696227580000006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908926280464694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199755895481368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wtfdommy,2019/03/07,"I don’t think I know what I’m feeling. [Trigger warning?..]

As the title states I don’t know how I feel anymore. I know I’m down in the Mariana Trench of depression right now but I can’t think of any feelings I have. 

My SO called me today because she was worried about me and I just didn’t care. All I could think about was how my bed would feel once I crawled back in there and maybe I should just let the car drive itself. 

I know that I’ve never really been open about my emotions but I’ve felt them in the past. 

I think? 

Am I going insane?.. 

I haven’t self harmed in like 8 years and all of a sudden I feel the urge.. Even just sliding my finger across my wrist almost gives me goosebumps. 

I just don’t know how/what I feel anymore.. ",0.5762499999999982,2.5311615414012785,1.991015127388536,98.26512141719746,83.26751592356688,4.689331210191083,18.729697452229303,5.602791699666715,-0.4989996815286619,570,14,134,3,16,183,87,157,0.071,0.866,0.063,-0.2593,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,14,4,0,0,6,0,15,3,3,3,3,36,36,9,0,3,6,0,8,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,16,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,5,8,28,2,13,27,2,20,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,8,84,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602361545177256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916664050113316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892402978520767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213114737217224,0.0,0.08889414015890666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489045901334983,0.0,0.14867926569378684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164301479665878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559966934873695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640345560503841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963166587487866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424038642562538,0.0,0.14001577197292886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988953046246852,0.08287624286096769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007106176265367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911690473722788,0.0,0.07124318884605467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465017581271431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246995562474556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529986797836418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920736128495764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341983192565084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453455688048423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212825997504906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37375749933523056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822594113920394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480933216996955,0.0,0.10359056457392644,0.0,0.0,0.09390712494732296
bpd,SovietoDoggo,2019/03/07,"is it just me or do you love everything about girls hi guy here, i just love everything about girls lol. the way they act, how emotional they are the way they think, i love it all.  idk if this is weird lol",-1.052059800664452,0.9876959534883768,0.25222591362126323,104.19534883720934,101.09302325581396,5.247840531561463,13.119601328903654,6.868970318607317,-0.6348910299003321,158,3,40,3,7,49,29,43,0.055,0.59,0.354,0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,3,0,6,4,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,1,1,7,8,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,8,1,3,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,2,0,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354227868326315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530844603011753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495866913779843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.682502926761294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615148289301895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001592764357779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,phoenix_ash,2019/03/07,"I wish I had my freedom back I didn't devolp bipolar, BPD, or my sexuqlity.  they were always there. 

Recently due to my physical health I've had to move back home. 

I put half a contenent in between me and the first 18 years of my life 

For years I did horrible things to my classmates, teachers, and self. I was just a kid, acting out on emotions in a family that had no knowledge of mental illness. 

I was just a kid. I was 6; I was 16. I just wanted to feel loved. But living in this house is like a prison made of post trumatic stress. 

I was just a fucking kid I didn't know what I was doing, I had even less an idea the truma I inflicted on others. I was just a fucking kid. ",0.3980652680652703,2.3946758461538487,2.898629370629372,91.26076456876459,84.24475524475523,6.051095571095573,21.42144522144521,7.3011,0.6907915151515152,518,17,116,8,15,179,85,143,0.107,0.795,0.098,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,9,5,2,1,10,0,17,7,0,1,0,17,25,4,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,16,1,23,2,15,9,1,17,0,0,0,3,7,6,2,1,8,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915345674442534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756700956912533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257637882756284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016363107968331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839539305618994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689844562961325,0.0,0.09063606801188714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524731246927595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33143435578630825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905383246181543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980609901190062,0.0,0.0,0.2068347285721008,0.0,0.2023556337397424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851315793547526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661220528611933,0.08757431430428722,0.0,0.15828432095042186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178348298916514,0.16961420629869467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064559124322624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051833867313425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167551574371015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019950121185524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699142552949734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700072623654102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533453336214053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908820810190687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057284897691695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613293430704785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308670403094753
bpd,ThatSweetChicken,2019/03/07,"Was I even once in love with someone...? I'm kinda thinking about this when I look at my past relationships. When we break up, i feel intense dread for 2 days or so, then I feel NOTHING. as if I've never loved the person in the first place. The emotions eventually come back, but carefully, like a buzzing sound in another room, where i'm keeping my back on the door to avoid it being opened. It's terrifying because I ask myself everytime ""was I trully in love with this person?"" because i slowly forget - or, as my ex said, live in denial when something is unpleasant- and throughout the relationship there's times I just want to run away and never look back because i feel stuck between my mental state and my lover. I feel like i'm not good enough, and at the same time, i feel like I could do much better, find someone who trully understand me but not too much?... 

I've never been a physical kind of person, because touching people is when you love them very much right? Like it's always sexual in a way? It's not. I'm still awkward when it comes to hugs but i'm slowly getting there, even though It's so frustrating. I've recently met a girl I kinda like but i feel like i won't be able to love her as much as you're supposed to love someone, because it's never ENOUGH and at the same time it's TOO MUCH. I'm crying a bit writing this because for the longest time i felt like there was something fucking wrong with me, but then I got diagnosed and it kinda saved my life, because I could RELATE to people for the first time in my life. I understood that i wasn't that alone. Everything is so frustrating. I'm empty, but so full of things at the same time. I'm an idiot, but i know so many things because i switch hobbies everyday. I want to kiss everyone, but not in a sexual way. I want to live, but at the same time, i kinda wish I was not there... ",3.922891246684351,4.757909047745367,5.026273209549076,84.85277851458888,71.25464190981431,7.922015915119362,26.96684350132626,8.139509932561175,1.5820790450928386,1449,47,301,20,26,478,165,377,0.12,0.679,0.20199999999999999,0.9865,0,2,2,0,0,0,52.0,1,1,1,3,26,29,4,3,18,0,15,13,0,0,4,66,57,35,0,7,18,1,8,7,1,1,3,2,2,4,17,13,0,2,12,0,0,3,11,8,0,2,12,12,40,21,38,40,13,57,0,0,2,10,23,22,1,7,35,196,57,0,0.06879395771840266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124979302415059,0.0,0.0,0.05724208379076195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213646292341666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431306396504052,0.0,0.06463418783504797,0.15869492126359178,0.0,0.3354892648216637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060842665120251535,0.07510518434965859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701400247708505,0.0,0.0,0.11851980628218912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985275484571518,0.0,0.07556693223827357,0.04436641154624445,0.0,0.0,0.06982441898274502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738394301963658,0.0,0.14216509621434525,0.0,0.09087552052347482,0.0,0.0,0.06573557470022476,0.06182757333729951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870575229744592,0.1474392514191287,0.06605298774287251,0.0,0.06287643104699331,0.11703221058372745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359890537959706,0.0359420035419703,0.0,0.0,0.0577011078269794,0.05502081243504394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061147230511539995,0.0,0.07163832066428402,0.0378073600446126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718241363108164,0.2352647697692949,0.0,0.12149265005816287,0.0,0.1155391965649395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37253539641775263,0.0,0.0,0.06974627548783673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932812886861216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528573722862585,0.0,0.2122325648215996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600965781410717,0.0,0.0,0.07326331977820276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567161684078518,0.09538613662971224,0.1802046911191845,0.07187504376821323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792573388202451,0.1477179303391899,0.0,0.05874966400771695,0.06543880744800364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748666913899153,0.10592189924062052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054938943498694257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140729736276568,0.044080390327687305,0.06758971417232926,0.0,0.28080016980367656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161693613408257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676221980377079,0.12172937595689448,0.10921088308342317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910965629082323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752153933086665,0.0,0.0
bpd,yukistardust,2019/03/07,"Still feel deeply upset over the end of a best friendship? I realize now that my former best friend was probably my favorite person (FP). 
She was my bestie for 6 years,  basically like an older sister to me. She ghosted me over the summer, July to be exact.
Even though as the friendship dissolved and other friends came forward with their insight and I saw her true colors (she was a self proclaimed narcissist with bipolar disorder). I still can't help but miss what we had and feel like I won't ever have that connection again. 
 
However I still dream about her. Sometimes when I wake up I think for a moment we are still in each other's lives. I do miss her regardless of the hurtful things she expressed to me in the end. 
I am realizing she probably knew I had BPD before I truly understood the symptoms. She was always trying to steer me, mold me to an extent. I didn't see it as control at the time, I really thought it was her just loving me deeply and honestly.

One of the final things she said to me was ""I know you'll one day become the person I know you're meant to be"" and that statement haunts me because it focused on the weird control she had over me. Like she knew the secret or the right path for me. It used to torment me internally how she would state things about my life and happenings but done in a way where I couldn't call her out because it was stated with the notion of caring and helping me.
Howeverthe advice would just aid to the moodiness and anger...
Not sure where I am going with all of this but the point I want to make is I still feel deeply hurt by her abandonment overall. 
I feel more alone in regards to friends than I ever have. 
I just feel the loss of a friendship isn't something that is discussed much especially if death or tragedy isn't involved. ",5.459412825135203,5.907947144475923,5.77707571465362,82.22251802729849,67.64022662889518,8.571156322431111,29.92647437548288,8.438071523408619,2.074428895184136,1414,49,278,19,22,452,186,353,0.11699999999999999,0.718,0.166,0.9207,2,1,1,0,0,0,31.0,2,1,1,5,20,23,1,1,23,0,30,5,1,5,6,62,56,19,2,6,10,1,5,3,3,4,3,1,0,3,16,17,0,3,18,1,0,3,7,10,0,2,20,9,58,13,41,29,7,41,0,6,3,1,36,16,0,3,24,208,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666097595259647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244863421790608,0.0,0.0,0.08230723283873588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059830462980704,0.10924653913670007,0.08417145444349566,0.0,0.20761549770708065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245830508641679,0.0,0.10100576421345214,0.11313519759468682,0.1008529209249503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218886365160413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379356451634365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336795418266102,0.0,0.0,0.10122688285863743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752229802980104,0.0,0.0,0.06533403513407805,0.17895297228073878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500781448942421,0.07066663773970673,0.0,0.10835921869357376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22927010253952576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621705978174895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747236407511598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260454770524036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117863272790232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087248744327526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986831206042389,0.1449781916315863,0.0,0.08734591033656676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927685012803813,0.0,0.06602815822177976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271569879192538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340580324925923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274178353109845,0.0,0.0,0.09350895220597268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329945781490192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336904394876583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447495189651086,0.09409313576004504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882439150092001,0.0,0.10319246131678368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615147672983437,0.09783187586518068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39497797031551707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322851502859736,0.10281309328227847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971490521212709,0.06338230039956806,0.097185880972127,0.0785293968846275,0.057679553789404016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715844754540842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543290703926458,0.0,0.0,0.0583440680160045,0.07851605835427274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053622028322604,0.0,0.0,0.06369958717786138
bpd,keryan88,2019/03/07,"Assuming in love relationships DAE find themselves assuming instead of communicating with their significant others? It’s been a big flaw of mine. I get lost in my head, I think I know what my lover is thinking. The hard part is sometimes I feel like I can read his mind, but other times I am completely off. And when I am off it causes issues because I am already upset and accusing before I even broach the subject. And from the SO’s position, that is extremely unfair.

Something I’ve been doing lately is repeating a “mantra” to myself - Ask, Communicate, Trust. Balls up and ask is the first and most hard part for me when I feel like this. Communicating why I feel the way I do is the next difficult step but the hardest is to trust once I have an answer. But as I do it more and more I feel like it has helped me. I get clarification, I feel less negative and I let it go because I’m with someone who I need to trust and I got my answers.

Obviously every situation won’t be perfect, maybe the SO gets defensive from a bad day or whatever. But most times I get to push myself to be more adult about my interactions and get better results in the long run. 

Idk, food for thought if native struggled with assuming. I know I do lol",3.4074691358024687,5.186645251028806,5.027512345679014,80.65830555555559,73.8559670781893,8.316790123456789,27.37633744855967,8.982922981607832,2.219854485596707,968,37,192,21,20,327,139,243,0.121,0.715,0.16399999999999998,0.9248,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,8,16,1,2,13,1,23,4,1,2,2,44,46,20,0,2,6,0,7,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,12,1,1,17,2,0,4,2,6,0,1,5,7,34,10,22,37,8,22,0,1,0,2,11,7,0,7,13,134,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322862435567065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413591961745136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009152590512338,0.1461507006831868,0.0,0.10200572124294474,0.0,0.0,0.10602065784112744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314576333684825,0.0,0.0,0.12568779709382374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731015939039426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917702527092921,0.0,0.10100077400278956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030647587794657,0.25691850276717104,0.0,0.0,0.10956457231334643,0.10196653886022967,0.14495464094139088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131515402979499,0.0,0.06812834311951434,0.0,0.0958758581299393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477085682410685,0.0,0.12302745011329773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035041462808397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511949065238268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317615254112857,0.0,0.13522544822960952,0.0,0.0,0.12258142140806952,0.0,0.17569620365542585,0.0,0.0,0.1060865652313632,0.0,0.0,0.1308589103801919,0.0,0.10819284931950626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043164241943248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104067562861985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888659999915173,0.0,0.0,0.12748957911015546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276641209447044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25962824202804924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990852775577945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870205569182014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474574505560566,0.0,0.0,0.10157061999732243,0.09228646883792012,0.11856051584420675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253205146318808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362351307913116,0.0,0.09516822325278104,0.13980142137639012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515205855159876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816952351190044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clementmichael,2019/03/07,"Looking for a psychiatrist in charlotte nc area Was diagnosed about 6 years ago and was on my medication for about 6 months until I couldn't afford it any more (no insurance) and have been struggling lately being off my medication with work and family life. Looking for someone around here to point me in the right direction of a psychiatrist who has experience with people with bpd, and can help get me back on track with where I need to be. Any help is appreciated.",13.425862068965525,8.590714804597702,12.5383908045977,56.82068965517244,56.12643678160919,16.19770114942529,45.0919540229885,13.5591,5.766788505747128,376,14,67,10,3,124,64,87,0.032,0.8690000000000001,0.099,0.7096,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,3,0,10,4,0,0,0,11,14,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,19,8,1,16,0,0,2,0,3,10,0,0,6,49,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641221876604407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706701045537557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716296183365765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302802045921698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25064877294406784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199309212101133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467202102830086,0.18761089606423145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397560822183168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667872309962924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244943169266524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405681315728263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33424008270082084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009675068191029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158849559370876,0.0,0.0,0.14756495032547293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796993203820412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813076070248705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995524584202856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862230633836162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208050656866082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488317887405794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815726740054315
bpd,VitDdeficiency,2018/12/31,"fuck emotional impermanence, and LDR I’ve started this relationship with a girl who was visiting my region but now she’s back in her country, it’s only like a two hours flight away but I feel like my stupid brain just forgets about her until she sends me a pic again.

It’s like I’m totally falling out of love and questioning all my feelings, thinking they’re too shallow & not worth pursuing... and I think about canceling my trip to see her... and then she sends me a selfie and I remember the time we shared when she was here, how I didn’t wash my sweater for weeks after that to keep her smell on it, and suddenly I’m in love AGAIN!

I’ve bought a locket just so I can put her picture in it. BPD is so ludicrous.",4.839727891156463,4.987157190476194,5.630340136054425,83.78727891156463,68.93197278911565,9.526530612244898,29.938775510204078,9.444778638647367,2.3546408163265298,565,20,122,11,9,185,98,147,0.10800000000000001,0.727,0.165,0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,14,8,2,0,6,0,5,5,1,1,2,25,18,14,0,0,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,9,0,1,6,0,2,6,2,2,0,1,4,4,22,6,15,14,2,25,0,0,1,3,20,6,1,1,16,80,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112942908732592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321921384987055,0.14995138893618115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456094741690079,0.21769672245942231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936107932299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720679897493695,0.13931586693493894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802844877559284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204651107765044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333469915353605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28581751021196905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520100055876766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831462063655632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960398745795633,0.21845690264746248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936878743914855,0.22090939962530692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539848489776575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802975936692566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499102946151629,0.0,0.0,0.11371245749924945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904973691840028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564260271504196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway547912,2018/12/31,"Help It’s nye and I’m feeling suicidal and alone, but it’s by choice that I haven’t gone out with friends. I don’t want to exist",-1.6660000000000004,0.2457187333333373,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.0,4.333333333333334,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.6219999999999999,102,3,27,1,4,34,24,30,0.142,0.568,0.29,0.5346,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5231808255484247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554179297678143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902759740231401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385899542220422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525497565188165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979492884750588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alibalifosheezy,2018/12/31,"I met someone new.. I met someone new and I’m beginning to grow attached. I don’t want to overwhelm him because I know I do that. I know I get too starry eyed and involved with someone right away. 

How do I control this so I go in this in a healthy manner?",-0.6310649350649378,1.4940993999999996,1.8488311688311685,95.8018181818182,91.36363636363636,3.8701298701298703,26.038961038961038,5.288315135182226,0.5327142857142859,197,10,44,1,7,67,35,55,0.037000000000000005,0.875,0.08800000000000001,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,2,0,8,12,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,10,0,6,10,0,9,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,28,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379831447430352,0.0,0.0,0.15440897639487067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840968398624351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233849326169156,0.0,0.1439558986086054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784134755684258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892763196676694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631632208073853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6438593339176442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940256164823967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Francesco-Viola-III,2018/12/31,"What's the general opinion on Millon's subtypes? I've read about how there are 4 subtypes of BPD and that someone may experience one, multiple or even none of the subtypes. I was wondering what the consensus is on this idea. Are they considered accurate or an unsupported hypothesis?",6.278529411764705,8.510891313725494,7.429558823529415,64.50551470588239,67.23529411764707,12.158823529411766,40.200980392156865,11.698219412168324,5.923662745098039,231,14,36,9,4,78,40,51,0.064,0.9359999999999999,0.0,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,0,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566336243098502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394685075306805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546548002998322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092878983820195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24568111320248065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626596993714096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30719725446233914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39318257315301264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,denimlace,2018/12/31,Going crazy without my FP around FP is out of state for the holidays (it's been 2 weeks!). I am going stir crazy! I haven't had even a good text convo with them in a week so my mental state is super degraded. They haven't told me when they are coming back - which seems to me like another sign they don't want anything to do with me anymore. Help :(,2.009360730593606,3.434212972602744,3.3796575342465762,92.50227168949776,76.8082191780822,6.510502283105023,20.38584474885845,7.1686216300943375,0.2880337899543384,269,6,61,3,6,88,55,73,0.18100000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.2528,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,9,16,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,0,11,3,10,13,0,12,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742968340904793,0.0,0.0,0.2594240668179893,0.0,0.0,0.21526385660477887,0.232867937545932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114429755658164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253340843363436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277578193968987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29733190188572084,0.21940680980237048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753362881346171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779822120759732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26361822428507264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381390292445313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24995763995986955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429082181011192,0.0,0.4196587117192889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521605850943561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rioreadywhitebelt,2018/12/31,"I'm going to start my life over.... Does anyone else ever think this?
I do all the time...especially on new years eve.
'At midnight tonight I'll start my life over and be the person I always wanted to be and everything will be fine'.
Of course deep down I know it doesn't work that way, then I fail and hate myself. ",0.6760879120879117,2.8135518615384605,2.191428571428574,95.89,84.23076923076924,4.945054945054945,15.439560439560445,6.1826913282559595,-0.6958131868131869,241,4,55,2,7,78,49,65,0.11599999999999999,0.884,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,8,14,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,8,10,1,16,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,8,32,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128056865026989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788273538710535,0.26204757432820464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238098092556748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364751141638988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313418201807084,0.0,0.0,0.22985290397418026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534943755742585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525015993301348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405543033436344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612896121033453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470063351388501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331229324681912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620443721790604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638751964250525,0.0,0.0,0.14913072178447434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508488260300586,0.20300358939662294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619009483166146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469554268557166
bpd,SatanicOnion,2018/12/31,"Thoughts of suicide even when I'm supposed to be happy. It's always there. It just pulls me away from the moment and reminds me that no matter how hard I try, I cannot change. I cannot escape who I don't want to be. ",1.0549999999999995,2.313067833333335,2.8566666666666656,95.955,79.0,4.800000000000002,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.5127666666666664,168,4,40,0,4,56,38,48,0.196,0.674,0.13,-0.4834,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,8,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29982852872073384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33854765865056624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811878500245055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379986175457993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38358451417945016,0.3227903980880662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941492447637031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860666397979474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24464458133540684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253558732918915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,asdfsdasdfda34,2018/12/31,"I'm in love with my FP and she will never love me back I'm her FP too but we see each other in different lights. I switch from not caring she doesn't love me back because I'm grateful just to be close to her, to having nothing to talk to her about and isolating myself because talking won't change what I already know.

​

I'm lonely without her and I'm in pain with her and I don't know what to do.",1.9678170144462293,3.145275348314609,3.555088282504016,92.21988764044943,76.41573033707866,5.984590690208668,23.950240770465488,6.1826913282559595,0.4608285714285714,322,10,73,2,7,107,51,89,0.115,0.731,0.154,0.5938,1,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,16,19,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,2,15,4,14,16,1,7,0,1,1,3,13,4,0,0,3,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093638489784096,0.0,0.0,0.20556459556803694,0.2305339917835459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917702744748659,0.0,0.231306539540575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934350587540828,0.0,0.20070158659026835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821996584230764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853339973742702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136967553794728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632593437170094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204416207898488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018784563082044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511845235754911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049840313421198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288602763900647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305339917835459,0.0
bpd,monkey_7k,2018/12/31,I got attached to an ambulance I was driving behind and got overwhelmingly upset when it signalled for me to overtake and it made me wonder what it is I did wrong and why he wanted to get away from me That’s a new low even for me ,8.314285714285718,4.8309984897959195,8.895612244897956,74.92260204081633,64.10204081632654,11.432653061224489,36.74489795918368,8.841846274778883,2.9967061224489804,182,6,39,2,2,62,36,49,0.18899999999999997,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,9,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,0,7,0,8,4,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046278035919753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415299816247052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939848650420167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5186378851609821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30679733283688104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31314648516570903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124116649126635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29257006929236795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516171196547202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35449815070626123,0.0,0.0
bpd,rahuls02,2018/12/31,"Has anyone else become a creepy stalker with the new Snapchat Maps feature? Literally, whenever I have nothing to do, I just go on Snap Maps and see where everyone is and who they're with. This is making my BPD worse because of the FOMO that comes about when people are hanging out with others or doing something fun. Anyone else do the same?",4.852,6.618625584615388,5.092307692307696,81.70769230769233,70.07692307692308,7.046153846153848,28.384615384615394,7.554174236665415,1.7722923076923078,273,10,48,3,5,86,54,65,0.047,0.897,0.055999999999999994,0.1431,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,11,12,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,8,12,1,10,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,2,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195836654059259,0.4683071269674214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930832237088994,0.25239081326518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878225504912266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685631836441966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818110223368707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836794417711086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987751877373974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254396783356408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207134094795104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927842478650847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843228460248066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210693385129675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593173472651102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328891790322911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DrunkOrDrunk,2018/12/31,"Anyone else live in/lived in a supportive mental health apartment I'm moving into an apartment building comprised of 71 apartments that are all occupied by people with varying mental health issues. I'll have my own studio that is paid for by medicaid and can stay for up to 2 years while I try to get my life back on track.

Anyome else in a similar boat that is willing to share their story with me and how your BPD managed?",8.295722891566264,6.930281192771088,7.998885542168676,74.6725451807229,62.373493975903614,10.227710843373494,35.207831325301214,8.841846274778883,2.9988578313253016,341,12,61,4,4,109,64,83,0.0,0.9440000000000001,0.055999999999999994,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,7,10,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,15,8,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695208401330084,0.2153386287084871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160372471634266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26469515309542463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511313718765034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980241081255604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467906158960619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935740281205685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484455825176129,0.0,0.0,0.1855793300005504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235932856668945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337187556847507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570177964353004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400766665269545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384924746153809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426880737899455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353392123824514
bpd,dearlordsanta,2018/12/31,"Has anyone tried ketamine at a clinic? My nurse practitioner is talking about ketamine infusions being an option for my depression, and I’m wondering if anyone here has ever tried it.",8.648125,9.9117925625,9.087500000000002,58.4075,60.875,11.4,37.875,11.20814326018867,5.114575,150,7,19,4,2,50,27,32,0.113,0.887,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218374471200192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213979425055865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375401532313917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999279360699129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066956393369597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046707903156804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThreesomeBeer,2018/12/31,"Is my BPD acting up or is my boyfriend just inconsiderate? It's really hard for me to know if I'm overreacting totally or if I'm right to be upset.

My boyfriend didn't even think about spending new years eve with me. He will go to a party with friends of his as far as I know. Now I feel really hurt, because we already don't see each other often (LDR).

He knows I'll be home alone that night, because I don't have many friends and feel he should have at least asked if I wanna come with.

Am I overreacting? I didn't want to start an argument because I feel really clingy saying that and think he might throw the BPD card in my face.",2.21598086124402,3.724202518796997,3.7645522898154486,89.60784005468219,76.44360902255639,7.242378673957622,22.617224880382786,8.00094639256281,0.8975022556390977,497,14,113,8,11,165,85,133,0.128,0.805,0.067,-0.7243,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,14,1,1,0,1,28,30,9,0,6,6,0,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,0,8,0,1,4,4,2,0,0,2,6,15,2,16,23,3,15,0,1,1,0,10,5,0,7,6,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696282681995922,0.1807369878918516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311361900099332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995190963500257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125541999937545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108328342921925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081761540199036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843858362864954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25307440319150903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308081622413963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671607835285488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428622565743045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533151222046142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700301321882702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604876199939608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374631812233615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818121950539962,0.0,0.15369786836208346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147679204672377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986852929606453,0.0,0.13024564409606226,0.0,0.0,0.13051267226997104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592540789319845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988917877454547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660258814406222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546993369406013
bpd,leisurelymisguided,2018/12/31,"Pretty sure I’m going to off myself tonight. Nothing to do with the new year, I just don’t see a way forward for what I’ve become and I’m done. I’m so excited to hurt myself it’s unreal. I’m dropping my parents off at the airport later for their 15 hour flight home and I feel really comforted by the fact they won’t find out for a while longer. This is bliss.",0.43965189873418,2.34070794936709,2.899224683544308,91.86503955696205,83.43037974683544,5.975316455696203,20.00158227848101,7.1686216300943375,0.4201506329113922,284,8,64,4,8,98,58,79,0.046,0.762,0.192,0.8944,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,2,9,12,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,7,3,12,10,0,14,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,0,7,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961981661395133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744546170861282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560647045589047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451235999569604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242029765605264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690195083291604,0.0,0.2641161427088325,0.0,0.28710621979051704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590225305131961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573384762126188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977966568613122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728487612179629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181134300421216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137151473551091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252768787016924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128791692699574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270753888429788
bpd,FellowKebabTree,2018/12/31,"anyone ever feels “broken”? Do you ever just feel broken? Like you’re a glitch or a mistake incapable of being loved and worthy because nobody wants broken people..
Scared of relationships because once your true broken colors show it becomes apparent to the other person that they don’t want this broken mess..

Anyone ever feels this way?
",6.263728813559317,8.898567576271189,6.412000000000003,70.10884745762712,68.15254237288136,6.753898305084746,23.664406779661018,7.554174236665415,1.6808413559322033,273,7,35,3,5,87,45,59,0.302,0.529,0.16899999999999998,-0.8895,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,4,13,9,2,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,3,3,8,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,4,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985989079935647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603218964994817,0.2358181264767264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5794282590208206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32388921462093745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431599878193694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271182136574344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273938196937285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480291776275158,0.18643905829172036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22924257676809645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137726380001516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25188145856682503,0.16948371935401527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PhilosopherDudee,2018/12/31,"I desperately need help! I had an abusive childhood growing up, never got a diagnosis for anything when I was younger, but I got treatment similar to that of BPD patients. My symptoms are so bad that every five minutes my mood changes from crippling anxiety, to wanting to break something in the house, or fight my dad for all the shit he put me through as a kid. My mom thinks I’m being over dramatic, despite my massive mood swings, and my psychiatrist listens to her, instead of me. I can see myself not living past 22 at this point. I’m 18. ",6.563714285714287,6.5318855142857135,6.968333333333334,76.27250000000002,65.28571428571429,9.285714285714286,40.35714285714286,8.841846274778883,3.661,429,24,79,6,6,140,82,105,0.145,0.778,0.077,-0.8262,0,0,1,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,5,0,5,2,1,0,2,9,14,6,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,4,2,15,0,15,9,1,12,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,1,4,53,18,0,0.0,0.2564266293110693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556349594567474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809821923588795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070470344224385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725780044411095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894751951804815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823462550756952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34618751895268096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450642071396978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497238285817157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110604348252624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534727571633877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604753903748198,0.16691925701590862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660085787139612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045902987034171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756553970313236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724616244952241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221557613646101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666134953212319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249470341503848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867553282699574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765227308583205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,masterbaiter3000,2018/12/31,"Asking My Psych about BPD? Apologies in advance if this is posted on the wrong thread!

Recently, I have been thinking more about my future. I am a 19 y/0 female attending community college, hoping to eventually become a social worker or counselor. This is a huge risk for me considering I would need at least a bachelors (preferably masters) for these occupations. On top of that, I have never held a job for over 4 months. I am very concerned that after I graduate I will not be able to keep a decent job in any field. I want to talk to my psychiatrist about this, and admit to her that I have not been working and have lied about holding jobs in the past. I relate to many of the symptoms of a borderline personality, but do not want to talk to anyone about it since I have been previously (professionally) diagnosed with ADHD, major depressive disorder, panic disorder, and polysubstance abuse. I feel as if I have too many diagnoses already, but want to get the proper help I need if I do “have” BPD or something similar. 

Giving some information about myself might be helpful to you guys. As a toddler (2-4 years) I was sexually abused in a family-run daycare. The son of the owner would urinate on me, bribe me for sexual deeds, and touch me in places that made me uncomfortable. The mother (owner) would lock me in rooms with him or by myself frequently, refusing to open the door even when I cried for help. This would sometime last for what felt like hours. When I told my mother about this when I was 7, she told me I should never tell anyone out of fear of judgement. It was kept a secret from my father and I became ashamed and embarrassed. In the 6th grade I began to self harm, and started experiencing panic attacks. I was prescribed antidepressants and Adderall at this time. I realized that amphetamines made me eat less, and started abusing them in the 7th grade to lose weight. i weighed 110 lbs with a height of 5’7”. This was the beginning of my drug abuse. By junior year I had experimented with every common drug, but I have never used drugs through injections. My drug of choice was fentanyl pressed pills and what I thought to be LSD (never tested my acid). I have since sobered up from everything, but occasionally have a beer or two on weekends. I am also a very impulsive person, saying and acting without thought of consequence. Additionally, I have been in romantic relationships that are very intense and fast paced. My parents say I jump into relationships too fast with the wrong kinds of people, which I think is valid. Many of my relationships have been emotionally painstaking and controlling. The men I tend to date are extremely jealous and want to isolate me. The part I play in my romantic relationships isn’t perfect either. I am quick to get moody and have episodes of mistrust and fear of abandonment. I act out in fear, and assume they are out to attack me (not physically). Sometimes I would exaggerate my emotions to get them to spend more time with me, although I do not do this currently. I am codependent, yet will isolate myself from my partners if I feel they could hurt me emotionally. I still self harm to this day. 

So, thats a bit about me. Now, I am wondering how I should go about mentioning this to my psych. I don’t want to ask her for a “diagnosis test” but I do want to receive the right kind of help. Holding a job has become difficult to the point that I am considering trying to get government aid. But Im hoping somehow I can power through this with time and effort. I do not want to receive money from anyone for this, especially if I am capable of changing my thoughts and actions. At the same time though, I have been lying to my family about having a job. I owe them money and they are wondering why I have not given it to them or shown any signs of being employed. I sit in my car during a “shift at work” and sell drugs to get enough money to scrape by. What should I do for help? How did any of you find the power within to hold a job?",5.58607249742002,6.638325377631581,6.291501547987617,76.49766769865842,67.59210526315789,9.381836945304435,30.55985552115583,9.578458609240784,2.7896341589267277,3157,119,584,65,51,1035,343,760,0.16399999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.08,-0.9978,13,0,7,0,3,0,89.0,0,2,7,12,26,28,3,8,37,0,72,15,1,6,5,120,118,48,0,26,25,5,6,1,1,11,10,2,2,7,28,34,4,9,17,3,6,10,14,21,0,1,26,10,101,7,116,76,11,83,0,4,0,0,55,35,0,18,37,429,129,21,0.05253909263139423,0.24900093404878976,0.0,0.0,0.06314177944988948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057978195186044384,0.04201549339547462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718515389480716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020966548786264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823391870836252,0.11954160531577834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160506000490112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735908164779265,0.0,0.13234229590222504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055579393568941066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892705987583322,0.04194819032129151,0.0,0.05771172620985721,0.03388336829656119,0.0,0.04525184349713327,0.10665214616330704,0.0,0.0,0.12042870385819734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046433369722977,0.053760608160770836,0.0,0.17729822292533834,0.0,0.0542869272729639,0.0,0.0347015751750521,0.0,0.04426645153443407,0.0,0.04721874871684768,0.051393314054963765,0.04952918067337727,0.1773632578426117,0.05313068771506897,0.0,0.05044576815610058,0.0,0.048019778839177935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372475371441185,0.050400285066027055,0.02985917710628616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052021961889456944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607923157140978,0.0,0.0,0.10436634742844507,0.051740423047645284,0.0,0.05624418530126748,0.0,0.05675123579546663,0.0,0.3128216551300388,0.04669915955627056,0.0,0.10942276008439347,0.0,0.0428263727938684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025667946807622685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877780567510624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942751957987986,0.0,0.15979918077470712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573567459794721,0.0,0.0,0.04193620248619709,0.0,0.0,0.07791414293150672,0.16208554867861014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328661004609492,0.058338444784743836,0.05689471742259885,0.05015450883891312,0.03642399154191039,0.0917502183169201,0.05489216942396538,0.0,0.049666424672174886,0.0,0.05031792759426743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051876015610139305,0.2256292931183533,0.0,0.04486809803848568,0.0,0.0835623904505052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961946392976472,0.0,0.0,0.08692176069738383,0.0,0.0,0.05355698853375657,0.0,0.040447160335474484,0.1039250120671378,0.0,0.07437488036345312,0.0,0.04195778724294411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460823410329493,0.0,0.0844578650233144,0.045921482714085526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732985824523521,0.05161939175480135,0.12513051262719274,0.12254386968622732,0.0,0.0,0.10040670904529653,0.0,0.03567059514010025,0.0,0.05132305927212868,0.0,0.0,0.04537690715049561,0.0,0.13005076127940726,0.2169224265246375,0.0,0.0,0.0639784607110749,0.0,0.0,0.047408359166733915,0.0,0.0,0.050645810434771316,0.11395280958220885,0.07649817034645641,0.0,0.0,0.18661131992566574,0.114886500134987,0.0,0.06766690618560504
bpd,Daunobaugless,2018/12/31,"Newly diagnosed trying to make sense of it all Hello friends,
A year ago today I had never thought about BPD. I lived with my girlfriend who I adored and thought I had a very nice life. Over the course of the year things started to get rocky and we found ourselves arguing more frequently. Over time she communicated to me that she thought I was becoming increasingly cruel in the way I argued and she felt she had to walk around on egg shells around me. This was completely strange to me because I thought we had a very functional and loving relationships but every other month I would have these “episodes” of hot and cold behavior. In September she asked me to move out of our apartment and I haven’t been coping well since. I have not contacted since her as I believe we she has no desire to hear from me. But my life has felt very empty since and I feel like a shell of my former self. I hate that I pushed somebody away who I was so close to, whom I cared about so much. I’m tormented by thoughts of how I over reacted and could have expressed myself better. I feel like it’s too late for me to start over and find love again. I don’t blame her for leaving as she was a saint to put up with me for as long as she did (2.5 years). Now I fear I’m destined to make the same mistakes over and over again. I was recently diagnosed BDP and the sense of abandonment is too much to bear sometimes. I am loosing focus at work no matter how hard I try. I have great friends and family but I’ve been in a near constant state of depression since. I’m overwhelmed with guilt and regret. Does it get better? Does anybody have any stories similar to mine where things got better even years later?  I do want to be a functional partner who can support somebody consistently but I’m scared that’s just not possible for me. ",3.9981666666666698,5.401556483333337,4.458333333333336,86.84666666666668,71.66666666666666,7.888888888888887,27.5,8.401726058763845,1.7484166666666665,1434,51,295,23,27,453,192,360,0.134,0.715,0.151,0.7816,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,4,0,0,4,18,27,4,4,12,0,28,7,0,5,2,57,57,25,0,6,7,0,6,2,4,1,4,1,0,2,15,23,1,1,11,0,0,5,7,12,1,0,21,8,52,15,54,33,6,48,1,4,0,2,33,20,0,0,23,201,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948288882189636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097548678356679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964227531718886,0.08382496261252173,0.0,0.08424351204459347,0.0,0.0,0.05465914183443585,0.09902829224546604,0.0,0.1010221013256136,0.0,0.2379050451580231,0.0,0.0,0.11293032133833544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141976126738227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401237347607777,0.0968963478781633,0.0,0.07159045534535656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772286016718168,0.1820168080889836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569334372130006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059223092795069925,0.0,0.07554689243089434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452847596359297,0.1008984042238378,0.09067495158195474,0.12811383334231896,0.17218552146734606,0.0,0.0819524705678465,0.0,0.0,0.09831338629541536,0.13855039495589788,0.0,0.093692849240164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171354093447009,0.09885632281398027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032250731728889,0.08852593194293427,0.0,0.0,0.1010593230832687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011463772647884,0.09494261855503404,0.0,0.0,0.12666652289569402,0.08761188435847278,0.0,0.07917611307056993,0.07935097934670778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185288934730244,0.0,0.11970458378794893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156999642766687,0.0953000362526495,0.13182864240284214,0.0,0.06915541615697522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108416660214264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013840409170436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885336781059583,0.09626698857492287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897706193592905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354047549296196,0.0,0.0,0.2966882900112787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868128611357226,0.0,0.1269311384041631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175113325698193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913929785883838,0.0,0.0,0.35592120931264426,0.05228456438421243,0.0,0.08499223130366408,0.0,0.0,0.12175372186310883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219498182565789,0.05288692405210745,0.07117215093596464,0.0,0.0,0.08061988368587067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527741490447274,0.0,0.0,0.06369566488447792,0.0,0.0,0.23096608404487864
bpd,annabelmarie,2018/12/31,I think other people don’t want me to have a sense of self? Every time I say anything about myself (in a kind of way to try and solidify who I am psychologically) somebody always dictates me on it. It’s really frustrating and confuses me because I thought other people didn’t care about this stuff as much. ,5.302500000000002,6.236102250000003,6.97666666666667,71.76000000000003,68.16666666666666,9.333333333333334,30.0,9.516144504307137,2.793,245,9,44,5,4,85,46,60,0.10099999999999999,0.821,0.079,-0.3086,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,8,2,9,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281669308256783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256536853933205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715751508786772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795781201554505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23103602412218666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28555032718975515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157788378945235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802091153367944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566767546998352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806494293779988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28606364678946106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313907933527905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570442416859566,0.0,0.21769425175383209,0.15989562892131687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617242163244727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617377534387393,0.2176572755194502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,efffervescence,2018/12/31,Do you tell people about your BPD? I’ve went through stages of not telling people about my BPD before my diagnosis but all of those relationships ended in shit because of my BPD so last year I decided I’d tell my new circle so it might be taken into consideration when they do certain things to me or I do certain things to them but I still got treated like shit and being BPD is actually used against me a lot. I did like telling my friends and ex boyfriend and feeling supported and open but after being cheated on by my ex and a girl who I was close to who knew everything I feel like it’s never going to make people think before they act and especially after he invalidated the way I felt and continue to feel by telling me I’m “just being BPD”. Things hurt more when people know they’re going to hurt you badly but do horrible shit anyway because they don’t care. ,8.257931034482759,6.324473040229888,8.55801724137931,72.44495689655176,62.85057471264368,11.22873563218391,36.11781609195402,9.827888789773867,3.292519540229885,695,25,136,11,8,231,101,174,0.18,0.685,0.136,-0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,4,0,9,16,4,0,3,0,13,3,3,2,4,34,30,16,0,0,7,2,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,9,0,0,4,3,7,0,0,7,4,23,9,20,18,3,22,0,2,0,0,20,5,3,3,14,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0920107022120554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872587028768886,0.11495319908846005,0.0,0.16046291844499014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.593757113460151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613208024213897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835104697404349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473925209829858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302331794436554,0.06735879166743136,0.09053049437430137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284605374610931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071711726810133,0.0,0.07541008394669811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187278684100246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181777710267646,0.07685664909075562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819188401751015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015960230377861,0.0,0.0,0.06293743548726978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002381488222316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272009818245741,0.09106316144502173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614674793866327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012291625142914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903533552757184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529787652755023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699599267580594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120558259359505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792067026285775,0.060415428051675324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814338642797403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484078748325189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740517532220783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060717862901860375
bpd,udiyfjygmyiyd,2018/12/31,DAE get more upset once they are nearing the end of their tantrum? Almost like I had to renew the book called ‘Screaming and crying and hitting the wall’ by Hey My Fucking Hand Hurts Now So Cry About That Too,1.6248780487804881,4.2538061219512215,1.7104390243902436,97.40468292682928,85.34146341463416,3.28,20.39512195121951,3.1291,-0.5542039024390242,165,5,33,0,5,49,38,41,0.287,0.608,0.105,-0.8709,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,2,1,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,1,5,3,1,4,0,1,0,1,4,2,1,1,3,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978492948019051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037257160549973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6534611293994379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26344895053631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27498411876028384,0.15540330625939336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184221930519903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531713580427416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31677038003117897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chaskitty,2018/12/31,"I’ve been dissociating for days. Dissociation. 
I read so much about it, I understand why it happens. It truly sucks knowing that it’s been happening. At times, I can’t control it. 
I’ll twirl my curls and space out for minutes. It’ll be repetitive all day. I will quit speaking to people for days because I feel out of Earth. I will get high and be in another universe along with this sh**. I will remain mute for the days that it’s happening. I wish the people around me would understand. 

And the sadness of the New Year, isn’t making it any better. ",0.8272782874617732,3.377238027522939,2.7247339449541315,88.47034250764528,90.74311926605505,5.842446483180429,21.94556574923548,7.3011,1.0540233639143737,431,16,87,8,15,143,70,109,0.071,0.847,0.08199999999999999,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,2,1,17,22,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,11,8,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,10,1,15,13,2,15,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,8,56,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643714063366553,0.17954167286678213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242428591152726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437561912842168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143234689730453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204054223660255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416972734893037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657521773277826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945666561112163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542343535421662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809059241082708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409938322444407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142923180464726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258682052796811,0.0,0.0,0.1653677136606062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374081822805686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821161567143056,0.17126878988308272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984119024393248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564972275604241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450163337711328,0.0,0.1968973727676337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163151917481015,0.0,0.0,0.1102616470492383
bpd,ashprove91,2018/12/31,"Cheating❗️❗️❗️ Does anyone else have problems cheating in relationships? 
In the past 9 years, I have dated around 6 people and I have cheated on all of them. My first relationship lasted from 2010-2015 and I was 100% faithful the entire time up until the last month of it. Then, after that, anyone I’ve been with, I have been unfaithful to. I either jump into relationships with people right after a breakup and then I usually have “unfinished business” with the ex and continue to sleep with them occasionally. Or, I get paranoid or upset over something someone I’m dating does and then I go and fuck someone else impulsively because to me, that feeling is better than sitting around and being upset over someone. And then I don’t feel bad because they were shitty to me. That’s what I tell myself. 
Anyways, I’ve been with this guy for about 2 months now and I have not had the urge to cheat (I’m honestly not sure if we are officially “together” but we’re exclusive) or fuck around and I’m just hoping that the urge doesn’t ever come 
",2.568160919540229,5.063353862068965,4.048965517241381,83.2509195402299,79.34482758620689,6.428243021346471,24.44499178981937,7.62386473244151,1.4325967159277502,826,30,153,13,21,273,120,203,0.13699999999999998,0.807,0.055999999999999994,-0.909,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,3,2,8,14,5,2,7,0,17,3,1,0,3,37,28,20,0,3,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,21,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,9,0,1,6,2,19,5,29,21,2,36,1,0,0,2,10,11,2,5,21,107,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056823874073047,0.1322993041569123,0.0,0.3448341032053731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781030004252964,0.15742142753439411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419666978993726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122595595396992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598859847435024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572737063265465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167969667750786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057450081159613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982990867018964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387398113570763,0.06746017949672235,0.0,0.07338220740162865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784968531527505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824588108177032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050103018127012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612564757057156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326021432684113,0.17903191988240855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355096738802457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41588157782841584,0.0,0.11026827913765913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921384026058075,0.0,0.32821037300790845,0.0994033391469402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216946288570474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128570876792814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529125492225734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220808887212347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314942716377198
bpd,analogthunder,2018/12/31,"I'm overwhelmed by the suffering I'm diagnosed with bipolar 2, but I'm pretty sure I have bpd, since my emotions have always been very extreme and magnified. In the past few years my life's been getting shittier and so much better at the same time. I got unexpectedly pregnant 2 years ago in a not very good situation and my son has given me the motivation and the strength and really, is making my life worth living. On the other hand my realionship with his father was emotionally abusive and has broken me completely, I broke up with him in August but we have a kid together so we're still constantly fighting. When my baby has to go with him (he's not a bad father, he could do much better, but he's not the worst) my heart shatters, I'm in complete agony, not so much for my son, I know he has a lot of fun with his father, but for me, for everything I miss. My baby lives with me and spends most of his time with me since I only have a few hours of work atm, but I'm trying to get more, and hopefully will soon, and I'm studying, so I feel that everytime I spend and will spend less time with him. So I'm in a constant sway between feeling so lucky and thankful that I get to be this little man's mom and feeling the worst pain because I can't give him the life I wanted for him and guilt that we can't be together.

And really, comparing, my situation isn't THAT bad, but I'm in so much pain that life's barely worth living. I can just imagine what mom's are going through that have sick babies, or can't feed them or clothe them. I don't know, I'm just overwhelmed and extremely frustrated and disappointed in the human society. I am loosing all my hope for something better and my ability to see the good in people has always been my lifeboat, now I can only see complete, selfish assholes.

Thanks if you read my rant, I don't know if this is the right subreddit for this but I just thought you guys would be the most understanding of how overwhelmed I feel right now. ",7.426559308719561,5.618124457711449,7.837200837915684,76.55824430479184,64.3731343283582,11.149725058915946,34.59073055773763,9.93914555978268,3.0852119402985085,1560,54,322,27,19,517,180,402,0.16899999999999998,0.66,0.171,-0.6191,0,1,1,0,2,0,37.0,2,2,2,6,16,30,2,4,19,0,34,12,2,3,2,70,69,37,0,7,18,7,5,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,11,27,1,0,11,1,6,2,10,17,0,0,7,7,51,13,36,55,15,32,0,7,2,0,31,14,0,10,16,214,62,3,0.0,0.10233386776961474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656145040212549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373287336073726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423003786376068,0.052650114239771534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291607110065635,0.0,0.0,0.10877950366669598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716706869526348,0.1866697358935802,0.0,0.0689591077706167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876633388104717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430837847994206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762343873761933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468428516263196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537367356277774,0.08285360257302649,0.09817168255619392,0.1448854666854028,0.06907766927946231,0.0,0.0,0.08551949557054281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234840688666867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715690270502755,0.08505667066235481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423994411155529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440216467727775,0.0,0.08656504202300408,0.2287978510998296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342835609926537,0.0,0.0,0.05765238713910064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231009302307332,0.0,0.0,0.2539664125575734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137596482338554,0.18380671481726432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244956823440085,0.05987781448821501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786894653816119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639298553004987,0.0,0.1106611710142732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751835463700969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765079799896868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289167226602065,0.194166126808502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649154748336526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897488425941012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140233781440283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903507047613175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856782489352,0.15108844717012304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863929756368275,0.0,0.0,0.08991381279436718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252795164746254,0.05094303532184823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287810669270688,0.0,0.0,0.06135449478705815,0.0,0.0,0.11123839766191093
bpd,linussharkboy,2018/12/31,"Whooooo going into the new year I'm not feeling excited for it at all.  I've been thinking a lot about my mental state and how I am as a person.  I have persistent toxic traits and I'm proud of myself for recognizing it.  Buuuut I'm also saddened that I'll be going through another year alone.  

I don't know, guys.  Just feeling down at this moment.  Wanted to share.",0.8846246246246245,3.325572567567569,3.562612612612611,84.16512012012012,86.83783783783785,5.991591591591593,21.735735735735737,7.3871296695380915,1.1294852852852857,286,10,55,5,9,100,57,74,0.142,0.7829999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.4359,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,13,15,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,11,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957981427754362,0.0,0.2283962824550225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994792104435049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888184947438342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246290592877536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827914595630707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695971047449875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428091028378403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28782022923884915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27583675438221145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493771592871299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830026030717954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684558031724495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678373992316264
bpd,jasminegb,2018/12/31,"Today was such a good day, but now its 3 am and now its shit For the first time in months I wasnt overridden with anxiety. I woke up and I felt okay, normal, almost happy. Dropped my  boyfriend off at work, that was okay. Came home and fell asleep. Woke up feeling rested and good. I browsed reddit and did laundry. Still generally happy, normal, no anxiety. For some reason when I realized how okay I felt the anxiety started to come back, but nothing unmanageable, nice. I do some dbt practice, pick my boyfriend up, then we and my roommates just hang out, have some drinks and shoot the shit. Now, the anxiety is back. The sadness is back. I cant sleep even though I seriously want to. I think I felt okay today because my boyfriend and I had a talk yesterday that momentarily eased my fears of him leaving. But then I had to go and do my stupid compulsive bpd behaviors and it's all gone to shit. I'm obsessing. Im also trying really hard to not fall into any bad behaviors right now, thus venting on here. I want to control, I want to drink, I want to be angry, but I'm going to try not to. I hate that I cant find my wise mind. And I hate that when I get close to it I usually just end up being even more sad. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe now I dont feel like hes going to leave me, but I do feel like he doesnt want to be with me. Fucking shit. It's also messing with me that during our talk he said that he thinks I'm bipolar, not bpd.. so I dont even know what that means. Am I misdiagnosed? Does it matter? Either or I still feel just as sad and erratic. I just want to be normal. I want him to love me. I want to be happy. I want to believe that I'm smart. I want to believe that I'm pretty, and capable, and kind. I want to be stable. I dont want to be how I am now because I know I can be different. I guess it just sucks that I had a good day and now it's gone and idk when it will come back..",0.4060927668244752,2.2821057739557773,2.6908000239707595,93.45165158506624,83.39803439803441,6.0346137711991386,20.246239587703,7.217587316427113,0.3577633966560798,1458,42,344,21,41,497,177,407,0.182,0.612,0.205,-0.6129,1,0,2,1,0,0,57.0,2,0,0,3,32,35,9,2,8,4,33,11,6,6,1,86,82,35,0,15,16,0,8,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,20,26,2,1,15,2,0,11,11,18,0,1,16,9,54,17,37,57,7,53,0,3,0,2,12,12,6,7,31,220,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655502847017146,0.0,0.0,0.10630396407353884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045198432879673366,0.0,0.20338196396011546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442972001916213,0.05549544190431476,0.08103281117651068,0.0,0.0,0.14976643589042668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742051005540567,0.0,0.0,0.07601817564723548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145073072695361,0.0,0.0,0.07454607276698726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572876515300143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944170750821557,0.0,0.0,0.05816390981531189,0.0,0.23368921558703346,0.13022065961948054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886820183691353,0.0,0.0,0.1316983820461788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479152675180199,0.13442666648949636,0.09496512127626087,0.1914502731856212,0.0,0.06074774365364309,0.056535037130573715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061445758550839585,0.034725183685029644,0.0,0.11332065747134452,0.16724289444091367,0.0,0.0,0.07321861582355806,0.0,0.0,0.21225946779157984,0.05953952394990932,0.1312407199711475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666974592686455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179353190435224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921299868688252,0.07305477674121072,0.0,0.0,0.1407535322321249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494281691745929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599871960146189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354591519893538,0.07239979571444377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711063420867729,0.0,0.05305167453958192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536456429704352,0.06377489473852432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676187303286716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04257913731456545,0.06833701972413611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676068869448201,0.06322337056440687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729011899230163,0.0,0.0,0.06651293209077143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704422090031818,0.0,0.10615796096207508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684398924770484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517608926554765,0.06530145814247844,0.0,0.03875623629461004,0.0,0.12600196782381876,0.0,0.0,0.09025065179083164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320173240602536,0.0,0.4704328666632221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838726202532849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266896920577216,0.0,0.0
bpd,Calicox,2018/12/31,"Quick Question ​

If there was a hugely publicized movie or book that was going to feature a character with BPD, what would you want them to include? Is there a detail, habit, or specific symptom/trait that you'd highlight? How would you want BPD to be represented? What would you include if you had the authority/power to do so? Include more if needed (please tell me everything and anything lmao), I really, really would love to hear everything. 

​

People with BPD aren't necessarily represented well or often in media so that got me thinking.",5.5742424242424224,8.354823595959601,5.982828282828282,71.76090909090911,70.61616161616162,8.844444444444445,31.202020202020197,9.444778638647367,3.4553111111111114,452,20,69,11,9,145,65,99,0.018000000000000002,0.873,0.109,0.8355,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,5,1,0,8,2,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,20,20,10,0,10,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,9,2,8,10,1,4,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,8,1,53,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911400935808392,0.3265041227355301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056002891387247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076339142792857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414933495004237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635518611435163,0.0,0.10745335430427938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514241677027205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212576846546946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962010780302002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314257533991543,0.0,0.0,0.14747785798510066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505046890223662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213832112106991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964289315445838,0.0,0.0,0.11742933660897177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608716574921167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848826634923735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079834314113085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817584661023837,0.0,0.3265041227355301,0.0
bpd,nourborderline,2018/12/31,"Being Human I don’t understand how people survive in this world. I don’t understand in a really broad sense. I suppose I’m mostly talking about the innate horrors of the world that we’re all familiar with. How people do spectacularly cruel things every day, and typically not because they’re evil but because somewhere along the line someone failed to teach them better. I don’t understand how to be compassionate to people who deserve compassion, people that deep down I know have done terrible things and will continue to do so in life. I’ve done some pretty heinous things and one might call me hypocritical but honestly I don’t show myself any compassion either. All this isn’t to say that I never or can’t show compassion. It’s just that when I do it feels flat and I have this nagging thought in the back of my head the whole time. I wonder if his person treats animals correctly, I wonder if this person is on the right side of sociological issues, I wonder if this person has every sexually assaulted someone. I obsess over and it and the simple reality is that the vast majority of people have done something really bad. And you know what? They don’t really hide that if you get close to them. It’s only a matter of time until I find out and then what do I do with myself? 

I guess the take-a-way is here that I don’t really like people. I think they’re mean and stupid and chaotic. I find it hard if not impossible to enjoy being around or meeting new people. I can give a million scenarios and examples from my life when i met someone new and was turned off of them and never wanted to speak to them again. I suppose that’s neither here nor there though. My point I’m trying to get at is despite being what I guess is fundamentally a misanthrope: I am incredibly lonely. I have no friends and exactly one family member. I don’t leave the house and when I do I find interacting with other people extremely uncomfortable. It didn’t used to be this bad and I think some life choices that made me a recluse are feeding into it, but that can’t be changed very immediately. Anyhow, I’ve tried to make friends a few times but I get weighed down so quickly by how much I don’t like someone. If I do meet that one in a thousandth person who seems alright, they of course see straight into my bitterness and anger and turn from it. I have no one to blame but myself but I don’t know how to fix this. People aren’t going to stop letting their pets starve to death because in their mind, pets are a toy that incur no responsibility. So I don’t see how I can stop hating people. That alone seems like a good enough justification to me and I have a bunch of other justifications to go with it. 

The point of all this is not to vent, it’s to explain where I’m at and where I would like to be. I want to continue to be aware, more so in fact, and let go of these negative emotions weighing me down. To an extent. I want to continue being angry at the world without being an angry person. I want to be a compassionate person and hold people responsible for their misdeeds. I guess people need to be taught better for any substantial change but that’s not my place. So I’m not sure what is my place. What is the productive and good-natured purpose for me? How do I love people and myself while still staying true to who I am? I’m afraid of changing so much that I lose something intrinsic and important about myself. Sometimes I think I already have from when I was young and full of fire. I recognize I’ve grown wiser but I feel dumber with every passing year.  Not sure if that’s related but there it is. 

If someone actually reads this entire thing, thanks. I’m not going over it for readability and I expect it’s pretty much nonsense. It’s late and I’m tired and I guess ultimately I am venting. Maybe there’s a chance someone will see themselves in this, maybe not. I’m just tired of trying to know people. I’m tired of being alone and thoroughly unlikable. I feel like some people are compatible with the human condition and some people aren’t. I fall into the incompatible category.
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bpd,X_UnderAnonymous,2018/12/31,"I don’t have an outlet for how I feel As I’m sitting in my bed at 2:00 am I found this subreddit and I just wanted to say hi, after being diagnosed with bpd I’ve been kinda lost and I’ve been wondering if it’s normal to feel this way after a diagnosis. I’m glad there’s a subreddit dedicated to this and I also wanted opinions, how do you guys deal with that feeling of social connection? Like I always kinda want it but then my anxiety kicks in and I can’t, sorry if this is kinda rambley but apart from my therapist I don’t really open up much and yeah",0.9434593837535026,2.9562302857142875,4.143046218487395,83.02168417366948,82.27731092436973,7.6641456582633065,20.841036414565828,8.59863814320734,1.4880246498599443,440,13,91,11,12,160,76,119,0.047,0.852,0.10099999999999999,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,1,10,1,0,2,0,28,21,14,0,6,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,7,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,12,2,15,16,1,11,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,7,4,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810309304939014,0.17490971998030125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080838334732128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647493517810009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671500043622444,0.0,0.21335648116342965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188621227177941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304819908829103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081387600950348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269690778053164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294666334042968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452691185460266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595900204223488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466449241726527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716567106699412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428036896277175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23531041000520986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406744498467675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719580010368769,0.1668531586720971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279613804856653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,conspiciouslesbian,2018/12/31,Xmas/New Years Anyone else just spend this time of year being the most suicidal ever and feeling super lonely? This sucks ,3.4316666666666684,6.623896409090911,3.360909090909089,84.0280303030303,84.9090909090909,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,0.18022424242424284,99,2,15,1,3,30,21,22,0.314,0.513,0.17300000000000001,-0.659,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25637284389624715,0.375680120587579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30629218018106513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331659329895519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853911648408334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541164996804606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010597184256509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379876416308385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722260184622731
bpd,aguidetomurder,2018/12/31,"spending nye’s without my boyfriend, am having mental breakdown my boyfriend is going to spend nye with his dad and brother at a club and his dad said no one could bring anyone else, just a guys night. i feel betrayed because my boyfriend previously said no matter what plans they were having he’d make sure i was invited.

now he feels bad and is saying i deserve someone better and he’s a shit person. but he’s my FP and i don’t want anyone else.

i’m going to spend my 21st nye’s alone, just as i always have every single year in the past. and i can’t stop crying.",1.9230536130536109,3.9317871794871806,3.182113442113444,91.19293706293706,78.91452991452991,4.938306138306139,21.747474747474747,5.565023196281405,0.10399829059829058,448,13,92,2,11,145,77,117,0.17300000000000001,0.773,0.054000000000000006,-0.9274,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,1,0,4,0,12,1,1,1,1,19,22,8,0,2,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,7,0,1,2,1,3,3,5,2,0,1,4,5,15,2,7,16,1,10,0,0,0,0,15,2,1,0,5,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255059643160645,0.0,0.0,0.14666114936572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24648801155439445,0.36119522058905146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147168442622526,0.10744551455896316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588627467908112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407280292726115,0.0,0.19361162980400232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29448263435437977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850534527518278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782431356101944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003434769264276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745235758569138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765388339905905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762706019598712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540661434302326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943728666952347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825863366157032,0.0,0.1539020790906254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353242956188511,0.1401677931674602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809267650307776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493432118856847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735995572279578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612150228088493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039617999388252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990685507074324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135046623172384
bpd,nothingeatsyou,2018/12/31,"I started writing again. I finally uploaded the first chapter, and somebody put my story on their alerts so they know when I upload again And goddamn, that one person could not possibly know how proud that made me. That one person made my fucking day. ",6.817318840579713,7.961983195652177,6.294347826086959,77.24557971014494,64.8695652173913,8.742028985507247,34.89855072463768,8.841846274778883,3.1424289855072463,201,9,33,3,3,62,35,46,0.066,0.8690000000000001,0.066,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,2,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,10,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,8,1,1,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,7,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978204695354406,0.0,0.0,0.15978815235006374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714148280694792,0.0,0.21074907844558752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290550717968213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27233071128438585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4688831260034791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357844240571977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43267829025320176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793182024526899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24907260799749606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753695885621167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Silent_nyix94,2018/12/31,"Venting feels so peaceful sometimes. So right now I'm on a manic induced insomnia cycle from hell. 2 hours sleep in 24 hours. It does odd things to my mind, but I wrote this and I'm hoping maybe someone can relate to it.


I've never really understood the tired mind. It's foggy, disjointed. Makes connections between things it isn't supposed to. It is a devil for the mentally ill. For those who spend all their energy and time suppressing paranoia and mood swings and the trauma based survival tactics. It takes you back to a primal place. Stripped of the overly manufactured walls you lean on to keep the demons at bay, you're rendered defenceless. And that's a very very scary place to be. How do you trust your mind when it's functioning in a way that you've spent your entire adult life being told is wrong, fractured, broken?



And yet. And... Yet. For a moment, a moment long enough to create doubt, questions you don't want the answers to.. It feels clean. Your mind feels free, you're able to feel in that manic, extreme way and you have to wonder..



""Have I been starving myself? Have I been slowly drowning and this is what a sudden deep intake of pure oxygen feels like?""



Because this is what Borderline does to you. It makes you feel in deep, extreme, powerful ways. And you're left wondering, is feeling like you're truly feeling.. No walls, no hesitation, no second guessing.. Is that truly wrong?



I can taste the coffee I'm drinking at an unhealthy pace to keep awake until I can take the next dose of mind numbing. I can TASTE it. I hadn't noticed that I couldn't taste it.



I feel high. Just a little. The exhaustion is crushing my chest, making each breath short and painful. But I feel sharper in my head than I have for a long time. And I hate that, because I know it has to go away very soon. Because as I sit here stringing sentences together, words into groups to create some level of meaning I realise.. I'm writing. For the first time in months I'm writing. And that's a dangerous beautiful thing. Because this clarity is something I long for with all my heart. And yet I know it has to go away. I have to go back under the fog, back inside the walls.



Because as good as this feels is as bad as I feel when I let it go on too long and my whole world implodes.



I've never understood the BPD mind. The tired mind. The weak and sick mind.



I've never understood my mind. But I wish I did. ",2.060148305084745,4.497153057203392,2.9666,90.60721355932205,80.92796610169492,5.640406779661018,22.57559322033898,6.918507183188421,0.7248298644067792,1881,62,373,22,50,595,223,472,0.20199999999999999,0.684,0.114,-0.9942,1,0,2,0,0,0,74.0,0,10,1,3,16,20,3,1,27,0,31,20,5,5,6,79,75,30,1,4,4,0,12,2,0,0,11,0,1,1,33,19,4,3,23,1,3,4,10,13,0,2,10,15,40,7,52,61,6,67,3,0,0,0,19,30,1,7,31,232,73,0,0.06283538950710545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807183371292615,0.14494960780152588,0.05246492560245992,0.19151935113265897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913897342711149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099753455957711,0.0,0.0,0.06155476003433821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492575431921901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812575311239989,0.08977922963796121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344775021527028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428431995960298,0.05270334351369727,0.0,0.0,0.06922026566652853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203693828739635,0.06448723764460186,0.0,0.0,0.07446023910652473,0.0,0.06638903891653301,0.0,0.06240971973107151,0.12376040287831412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170196261133472,0.0,0.0,0.0690653735714093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827083455333842,0.06425344299890387,0.04438249387210453,0.06139639475010227,0.06297756773524163,0.0,0.2224293695975749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582933126236634,0.0,0.06312659441026826,0.06844615999888562,0.0,0.0,0.06332329358182469,0.0,0.5710124794152799,0.0,0.050154608419987666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538757820030745,0.0,0.06682614959275845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153850742399705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686128465992275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129921640800735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039001680240617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04025395951035601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053661079312332716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288076847393256,0.0,0.05324022162082434,0.048373752701949546,0.062145806919276673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448878589726628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523512218380672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991946279123044,0.14444007355842126,0.0,0.060041907425499336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555373309931159,0.03706194074009607,0.14962742233231374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015346840355753,0.07225759691213958,0.0,0.13628459908438845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740126872264302,0.0,0.0
bpd,nlayto2,2018/12/31,"Break ups Does anyone else have trouble handling break ups just because of how unsure the future seems when there's no other relationship readily available? I know I need to work on being more comfortable with myself and not needing approval/validation from others. But it seems like the feeling I land on every time I go through a relationship ending is either regret (if I ended it) or fear (if they ended it) because I don't know if anyone else will ever want to be with me and I feel like I need some sort of almost immediate confirmation that I'm not actually worthless or unlikeable. Because of that I think there have been a lot of times that I've just fallen into a new relationship with anyone that makes me feel wanted, even if I know I'm not really over or healed from the last one. How do you let go of that fear and not go back to bad relationships or settle for new ones that aren't great for you either?",10.659642857142854,7.057971138888887,10.434126984126989,66.05500000000002,59.83333333333333,12.952380952380953,37.93650793650794,10.608840637214634,3.828984126984128,735,22,136,12,7,244,105,180,0.14,0.7859999999999999,0.075,-0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,1,10,10,0,2,6,0,11,1,0,3,1,47,31,15,0,10,17,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,9,0,0,4,7,6,0,2,1,3,16,4,22,26,5,25,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,14,14,100,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.10731086732039613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011497630635653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306721674767301,0.2253461439905251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455699852308672,0.09181694322530673,0.2011025978316124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962319106221791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372481788576228,0.0,0.2921914752109869,0.0,0.0,0.07263144775053793,0.0994704630545039,0.09265102363527336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474844466449881,0.1668062076113546,0.07855966949178288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874884858334987,0.0,0.0,0.1212378061733316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130316810389294,0.0896368952196488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244759541952397,0.0,0.1074475800027504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348908594841107,0.0,0.0,0.073403100146925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24461499108372295,0.0,0.2124115260653273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903149579761574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044697905342802,0.0,0.0,0.4722489434974729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200217672474208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046171616880477,0.0,0.0,0.12824401519765571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297214880104025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005649361019325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nopointsalem,2018/12/31,"I don’t have control anymore and it’s killing me Before, I never used to be this bad, just episodes every now and again, but now every little thing is an episode in itself whether it’s my SO or something small at work or I’m losing in a video game of all things... I have no idea what to do. I just feel things like frustration and sadness so strongly now that I cycle over them in my head. The feeling spirals for hours until my brain is like “Okay, he’s had enough” and I dissociate for the rest of the day and I just can’t handle these intense highs and lows 24/7.

I’m broke, but in the process of getting health insurance. I’ll still have around a month before anything can really happen and things are just getting worse everyday. What can I possibly do to help myself get through until I see a doctor? I’ve tried meditation/mindfulness, but once feelings start up, they’re so impossible to shake.",3.776544293695132,5.3716627318435775,4.36067438148444,86.57146648044693,72.5195530726257,7.125458898643258,27.310853950518755,7.7094869923839395,1.5072407023144452,715,26,143,9,14,227,116,179,0.168,0.731,0.10099999999999999,-0.9293,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,4,13,12,2,1,8,1,14,4,2,2,2,26,26,18,1,0,10,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,8,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,4,15,4,20,24,3,26,0,4,1,0,4,12,0,2,15,99,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441390826119765,0.0,0.0,0.11983119076413487,0.12963087574032495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158493152300152,0.0,0.0,0.2478203528245537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255782536005084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332294764514946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391155095810437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904617373809226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046230033367927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24537885859667435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088647930993427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22823815446398205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876949953410347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944605911647033,0.15478510421479455,0.0,0.0,0.09760466305270207,0.15385339172512008,0.0,0.0,0.14340437860559335,0.0,0.0,0.16438497567156907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161104720685733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422831799670054,0.14594747200433505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290927290789775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703264961464915,0.0,0.11623088301913533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230956387715778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550783971234426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416239387820572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932866072789558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160386774951841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210383589110397,0.0,0.0,0.1030691563206279,0.0,0.11629070759045375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38696846398219065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886505036588744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257671814350709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601162434347028,0.0,0.14839716295434066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wetmist,2018/12/31,"I really need a friend. I'm going through something awful and I really don't know how to cope, it's pushing me to think terrible thoughts. Please send a message if you want to be friends and if we can vent to each other or something.",1.5231250000000005,3.779113395833335,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,81.70833333333334,6.34,26.266666666666666,7.554174236665415,1.512411666666667,185,8,38,3,5,61,38,48,0.11900000000000001,0.6829999999999999,0.198,0.4728,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,13,10,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,5,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845705695089853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822515260052124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234543582036302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252918130123515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442367844566383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017982289278155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828466167964196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009411414389282,0.0,0.24896203746204196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496841467442698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wolveryn,2018/12/31,"For those that tried MDMA, what was your first experience like? I would have to say MDMA cured BPD for me completely for at least a 6 hour window with a lonnnng positive effect afterwards... it was like a constant flood of epiphanies of things that normally gave me anxiety or negative emotions... where suddenly I just see that I don’t have to experience these negative things... eventually the mindset wears off before generally returning to my old ways... I’ve only tried it a couple times in my life and I would say it’s been an incredibly effective and transformative tool to reduce anxiety (especially when it’s kicking in... when you’re walking on heavens floor, but also residing for months afterwards)

Just wondering if others experienced this? I remember the first time when it kicked in, it was like seeing the sunlight for the first time in 2 decades. It was truly truly beautiful... no words could ever come close to doing it even 1% justice",6.135344129554657,8.151311918128656,6.8604678362573095,69.30489878542512,67.24561403508773,10.87557354925776,33.621682411156094,10.891193690592663,4.342685650022491,762,35,123,24,13,251,113,171,0.057999999999999996,0.797,0.146,0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,5,9,4,0,0,9,0,12,2,1,2,1,21,17,9,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,1,0,18,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,5,10,4,20,8,1,31,1,0,2,0,4,10,0,3,21,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694600049242955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374243015977452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443726134433808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418089317758485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597057625307576,0.15332713757798214,0.15803068375568252,0.0,0.1167586689937256,0.1618089079108947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449739837929042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658842725733226,0.13228010569184814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860964870366952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731683877115552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401438731789734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329180438942244,0.21433262904349545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672530203178945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432816084304576,0.0,0.0,0.1534515574872981,0.0,0.0,0.11122013673356312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565847336294312,0.0,0.0,0.23258770908128665,0.0,0.0,0.2330645578209174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943072686958017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25581662179552056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985711983698244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607644584206107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858822839564785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776571448541292,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,melodyrose94,2018/12/31,"I'm stressed and being erratic again. My recovering meth addict brother's girlfriend caused him to go to jail because he is on probation and hanging out with felons. I went on attack mode and posted on his FB for all his friends to see that she is a snitch. I deleted it the next after being on attack mode an entire day. I'm also skin picking again, sleeping a lot and having trouble cleaning. I feel unable to process these emotions. I feel it all until I feel nothing at all.",4.324711246200607,5.7654983404255375,5.213100303951368,81.60500000000002,70.91489361702128,6.648024316109423,31.51367781155016,6.868970318607317,1.9679167173252283,380,17,68,3,7,124,66,94,0.121,0.846,0.033,-0.802,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,4,0,5,3,2,2,3,15,13,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,5,10,1,14,10,4,16,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,1,6,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23883790433042454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520433456164894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4984877177245779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335538131957046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250633927261616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129342571865838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464441460059315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323319340190369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692665942522482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451257459298945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626050665510427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23300222788238004,0.0,0.0,0.21022053301178256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098254312449511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458451161637695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924589752168053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509641915187924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030964696917568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aiiidyn,2018/12/31,"I just cut my hair out of frustration I'm not diagnosed with BPD but it has recently been suggested to me that I might have the disorder. I am arranging for a meeting with a professional. It's holidays so I couldn't get an appointment right away.

My bf and I are arguing. He turned off his phone. I turn off my phone when I can't control my emotions. This way I don't do anything or say anything stupid to him. I told him about this that this is the way I cope. This is how I contain myself.

He turned off his phone just to make a point. I was so angry. I feel like I'll burst out if I don't materialize what I'm feeling. At first I bumped my head on the wall a few times just to feel another kind of pain but it didn't work. I still need something else just to not feel like I'm overwhelmed with all the emotions.

I cut my hair. I've always liked my hair short but he wanted me to keep it long. Now that I cut I'm numb. Probably from the alcohol but idk. I just want him to appreciate me. To validate me. I wanna feel needed. I want to have a purpose. I'm too fucked up for him and he's given up on me. I wanna die",-0.3440476190476183,1.6960989794238692,2.2654247501469733,94.27810185185186,88.01234567901234,6.10517342739565,19.789682539682538,7.447530270364453,0.4922299823633156,864,27,208,16,28,298,126,243,0.18899999999999997,0.7040000000000001,0.107,-0.9772,0,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,3,13,14,7,1,11,0,16,9,4,3,1,40,40,12,1,9,13,0,8,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,12,7,1,3,5,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,5,9,41,4,31,33,2,24,0,1,0,1,19,15,1,3,10,136,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432278805043232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458290526156848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179535698597095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686186132243392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180884883177882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830027272636654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409703464144073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757118734721878,0.13044482503981156,0.0,0.14404991642974027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499661833776608,0.28276530292544544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177594244567365,0.1795837868675659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691057855938142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619699800529085,0.06566705651528841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899266776454424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171771871498032,0.0,0.1308852369965575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421516502816965,0.0,0.0,0.111230372169534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838980533999241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333356419320624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639286845092812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374143153688006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881626380061372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551346716215534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410223599429385,0.0,0.0,0.1073372969357141,0.0,0.09995254433061188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967611521088178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037500284051287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732899783097535,0.0,0.0,0.12010075325555955,0.0,0.0,0.410139004821356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240301103965607,0.1995313706746846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915027289375331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0verworkedUnderfuckt,2018/12/31,"Inner Child Work What do you do to soothe, entertain and indulge your inner child? 


I've heard a lot about inner child work with my past therapists and my current one doesn't really work on it. I feel my inner child screaming out, I keep feeling like and having the compulsion to act or speak as a child. I need to figure out what to do.",3.7251470588235303,4.937785926470589,4.637529411764707,86.03688235294119,72.08823529411767,7.792941176470588,23.894117647058824,8.238735603445708,1.2755376470588229,265,7,54,4,5,86,44,68,0.039,0.831,0.131,0.6369,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,3,1,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,10,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,5,8,2,10,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,3,35,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952247454463393,0.20856020972040915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594874654454689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262591711684844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24819482436862106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646795856455545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197824406718947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786873790221008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702263923206813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389619408375653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6376019351215161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sangriasyra,2018/12/31,I have BPD and he abused ME. Why cant I find resources? We just broke up and I need resources because my whole life is turned upside down and I need skills. I have e no one. It is just so hard because everything I see online is that if you have BPD you MUST be the abuser and not the other way around. This is really hard and I jist need SOMETHING. ,1.040849420849419,2.8539096486486493,2.4058301158301165,96.64283783783787,80.8918918918919,5.3096525096525085,18.679536679536678,6.1826913282559595,-0.3167814671814666,270,6,63,2,7,87,50,74,0.209,0.7909999999999999,0.0,-0.9278,0,0,1,0,2,0,6.0,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,16,15,7,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,12,0,3,13,1,4,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,0,44,16,0,0.0,0.4290067592102378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116442110304016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072120769346945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560283252618735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270752106502673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546773028370662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243534425355752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787425382818693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40271769361081344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267772305590945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597917527685657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442658330993301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937381593419065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692006871076584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370151617374133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336088539820748,0.20212524450327446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatbakingcando,2018/12/31,"Perpetual & Eternal & Unchanging & Deafening Negative Self-Talk I swear to GOD all I do is read too far into texts or lack thereof. I will see somebody one night and have a great encounter, I’ll wake up the next day and be sure they hate me. Even if nothing happened and there was no further exchange. No evidence needed. Or if I’m texting somebody, I will do the classic “let’s read too far into this ‘Lol’ because it isn’t as enthusiastic as I need it to be,” because they have come to the realization that they don’t want me in their life anymore.

Obviously, this is all heightened when my FP is involved. But it happens with everyone, and the worst is when it’s people you don’t talk to much, but still need validation from. I’ll have absolutely no reason to talk to them or for them to talk to me, but will constantly get sad when they don’t reach out. And I will never reach out first.

And that doesn’t go away or stop *literally* haunting me until the next time we exchange words. Then I feel almost euphoric for a few hours (literally hours — you think it would last longer after all the time I sit around waiting for that exchange) and will fall right back into my pit of self-loathing and overthinking and painful & seemingly unending anticipating. It’s like time starts to move like molasses and I’m stuck, waiting for every single lonely hour to pass. And it goes on for days. The longer it goes on, the further I fall into a pit where my already firmly established self-hatred just starts piling up like a snowball.
That can sometimes throw me into bad and/or dangerous situations because of my impulsivity and how easy I fall for my irrational and cruel self-talk. 

Is there anything anyone does to try to convince themselves that they’re not hated? I always screenshot conversations that prove that I am, in some way, loved by the people whose validation I crave, but it’s pointless. In the mindset I get trapped in, those things are in the past — they liked me then, they hate me now.

If this is all over the place, I sincerely apologize. It’s like my brain is a blender on the highest power possible and I can’t pick a single thought out and hold onto it long enough to actually analyze it and know what it is. Sometimes it gets really hard, as we all know too well",5.814350355526828,6.4828285248868776,6.157378797672916,79.03331447963801,66.91855203619909,9.11971557853911,32.07530704589528,9.140100540675403,2.6596881706528768,1816,72,348,31,28,584,224,442,0.136,0.743,0.121,-0.8079999999999999,1,3,0,0,0,1,53.0,2,2,9,2,17,21,5,0,19,1,32,5,2,3,9,73,61,37,0,9,13,0,2,5,0,6,2,0,1,0,28,29,0,4,8,2,3,8,12,10,1,2,3,3,42,11,51,49,13,70,0,2,1,1,21,29,0,10,36,238,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.07826688965552872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031205892930764,0.0,0.08850637926544702,0.0,0.06673560322715788,0.34760113835639544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954016127445672,0.05608003963723885,0.0,0.06600051445079859,0.07139797604456159,0.0,0.0,0.0753536773754815,0.06167141724099436,0.0669664381936942,0.14667363359326238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953345146076575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908807509104224,0.0,0.08667131699125462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034490375432768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018648267485639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287148916862462,0.0,0.052973549171307435,0.0,0.06757477247558748,0.07663772770989477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04055321817499255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822091941011131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257088034915214,0.0,0.04558140599311433,0.0,0.0,0.08842446468646711,0.0,0.0,0.14184709607953558,0.0,0.07184643844350717,0.23755257893785114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369524003419742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815531552716672,0.06537642610113373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201334834479218,0.0566499904200559,0.19591650169783145,0.0,0.0,0.07097743140095089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238664503748486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524345687122517,0.05895868267703003,0.17840927944488835,0.061857759623096184,0.0,0.1705943223987417,0.07526540078052613,0.0,0.07695726712439586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434785836724579,0.0,0.08534200773782813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656316252903203,0.11120579381352416,0.0,0.08379541912525885,0.0,0.0,0.09041721425236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160450086862813,0.0,0.05138031285944174,0.08246239061557624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849321351191935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391167743586051,0.07301410784351761,0.3346782982226417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901519137262709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864630666175447,0.0,0.11353667267749833,0.0,0.06405049034290758,0.06705358289648485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559069809327287,0.0,0.0,0.322322030278664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053283534813007946,0.05139106133452013,0.0,0.06367249257946257,0.1403016363173471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445280267802897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047306007497581036,0.06366167755338664,0.0,0.0,0.07211243403644188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569741510703051,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,A_Slowworm,2018/12/31,"NYE Alone  My girlfriend left me last night (December 30th). Packed up her stuff and just left, letting me know after she arrived at a friends that she wasn't coming back.   
 She said I can't or won't change, no matter how hard I try. We've never really argued before, or had many major disagreements. I'm 21 and have been living with her since we were about 17/18, but we've been together since the age of 16. I don't really have any friends or family at all, and haven't spoken to either of my parents in years. Any friends I do have live way across the ocean in other countries.

  
 I don't really know how to function alone, I grew up smothered and never being allowed to make choices and I leant on my girlfriend to help me make choices that I found hard. I don't know what the new year will bring but I am absolutely petrified- and I've never felt pain to this degree before in my life.   
 I did try calling a couple of crisis lines but it all feels so pointless and like I'm just moaning into a phone about something no one can change. I don't understand what's happening to me.   
",3.716078767123288,4.885756369863016,4.619357876712332,86.32300941780822,72.05936073059361,7.484132420091325,25.10302511415525,7.865858978985527,1.267979223744292,851,25,174,11,16,276,125,219,0.11,0.77,0.12,0.6138,2,2,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,6,0,22,2,0,5,5,38,37,16,0,0,9,1,4,1,5,2,2,1,0,0,8,11,0,0,7,0,0,3,13,3,0,1,9,5,26,4,23,24,4,27,0,0,0,0,17,12,0,3,12,113,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24677235029338515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202946516787653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160615780447763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274733576686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216484242001568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520544801335606,0.1026227933836205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318187359150354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230827726272327,0.0,0.0602373785103869,0.0,0.11438665529655502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062351971728844,0.2761262875176305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534918807518008,0.0,0.2134400820408157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985254304906607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641764629621175,0.09710954400010582,0.0,0.0,0.2588773686962953,0.12182187578385364,0.08414737643798169,0.058202515116201614,0.0,0.2103937816918455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904481220584418,0.12078247245230207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27564884721174104,0.1150596882345438,0.0,0.11179853633289004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072781059125607,0.0,0.12676623593118488,0.0,0.13228343661018466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22895953709574074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332305420779605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709660179808133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917146384351152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363791317117048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176738781685818,0.0,0.0,0.1240219718577176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456247222703323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534358848275578
bpd,Buttafac3,2018/12/31,"Hoping 2019 is a better year Because this year has been one of the worst years of my life. Good riddance to 2018, I hope that 2019 is a healthier and happier year for everyone here.",3.279166666666665,5.0896641388888915,4.167777777777779,86.555,74.27777777777777,8.133333333333335,25.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,1.9111222222222224,143,5,29,3,3,46,30,36,0.08900000000000001,0.5870000000000001,0.324,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,4,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611482600634005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23380037813038385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25260238339584257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172830203651767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251280189822882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867216451618541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791336847563329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6809434127273556
bpd,Honeymoon2210,2018/12/31,"When you miss them I miss my BPD ex tonight.
I am in NC mode.
I know the love we shared was not the truth, and I’m doing good at being objective and handling my pain. 

Some nights you just can’t ignore the memories of when they made you feel safe and loved.

Instead of breaking my promise to myself and reaching out, I’m just posting here.

Maybe someone else knows how terrible and empty this feels.",3.723416666666669,5.058565175000002,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,72.25,6.833333333333335,27.083333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.2064583333333334,314,11,65,3,6,98,61,80,0.165,0.623,0.212,0.7606,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,3,2,0,7,12,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,2,1,20,16,8,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,13,7,6,13,1,9,0,2,0,2,10,3,0,1,4,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33625376285754177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302872506365884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699876641191102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393135523771165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29345202168862444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819223254429994,0.2526242828296318,0.0,0.0,0.2682187295035439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505439846726373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28408706333668765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25569440785984265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262124978391327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boringjoe74,2018/12/31,"Resource to talk to people? Is there any website or something that I can text or call to just talk to someone.. not necessarily about problems but just normal things?  

Thanks! 
",3.5640322580645147,6.745975645161291,3.4195967741935505,84.34939516129033,82.87096774193549,4.390322580645162,27.10483870967742,5.985473137389443,1.1291870967741942,139,6,23,1,4,42,25,31,0.0,0.82,0.18,0.7295,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,3,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611319157153195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395223630102848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257819820935461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305154588497965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181601130959573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817284008455929,0.2559767705078424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345060408034122,0.0,0.30612375015149024,0.0,0.0,0.22089997391963026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smilessmalls,2018/12/31,"That BPD Feel Hope this is okay to post here!! But man I hate feeling super clingy and talkative with my fave person. I'm scared that they'll end up hating me and leaving me. It's happened before! So I'm always scared to talk to them about negative things in my life, since I'm worried I'll become dependent (moreso dependent, anyway) with them. 
Last fp I had left me because I was always venting to them. It's just that I really have nobody in my life to y'know, talk to about these things most of the time. 
I just aaagh I'm trying to manage myself this time around, don't want to lose this person",2.8922950819672124,4.522285114754105,3.966360655737706,88.35527868852459,74.90163934426229,6.519344262295082,20.39672131147541,7.1686216300943375,0.4478727868852461,472,10,96,5,10,153,77,122,0.159,0.7240000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.7536,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,4,2,8,8,2,2,1,1,6,2,0,2,0,15,17,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,11,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,16,3,17,14,1,10,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,4,4,60,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696988672935668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427046685055905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879212626401247,0.17898589737938544,0.13790371234044935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041127282694282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353975246248293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388788709492824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331181292883075,0.0,0.0,0.3200074041643982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096516814906478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890656096366434,0.1321030095971476,0.0,0.17160136155331399,0.17608196945777935,0.0,0.22893983885145985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130709001602727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28301439463945954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521159599221965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382173464599302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245067545848038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340602231582343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605202688406735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153349679862868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890005262779229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003016750471316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558898115336582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645828860041845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnailMunching,2018/12/31,"I want to start my own business but I’m terrified that my BPD will serve as in impassable road block. Nothing else to really say about it, don’t think it needs much explanation. Am I alone in this? ",1.939,4.171886900000004,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,80.0,8.0,22.5,8.841846274778883,1.57375,156,5,34,4,4,51,34,40,0.263,0.711,0.026000000000000002,-0.9136,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739709147279475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547687516475272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016367579556584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654360070282452,0.26773691112950226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464668606862211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23131766969728398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871460233539789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555749185567295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313660600645193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297486932316026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,limonglow,2018/12/31,"I fucked up I’m a neurotypical who made a mistake of ending a close friendship with someone who has BPD a few days ago. We recently reconciled because I reached out and realized how badly I fucked up. He’s distant with me right now which I completely understand, but I still want to be close friends. I’m just scared he doesn’t want to be close anymore as he said he can’t guarantee he’ll be super talkative and that I really nailed his fear of abandonment. 

Is there a possibility that he’ll still want to be close or should I just accept the fact that in a way I lost one of my best friends for good? If you were in a similar situation, did you decide to remain close friends?",5.6974635036496375,5.647526656934308,6.5062682481751875,78.91735857664234,67.10218978102189,10.645620437956207,33.183394160583944,10.411451182825502,3.233920437956203,540,22,112,13,8,179,87,137,0.157,0.586,0.257,0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,2,0,3,7,15,2,2,8,0,11,2,0,2,1,30,24,7,0,6,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,6,11,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,5,1,14,7,16,12,2,19,0,2,0,2,16,11,2,2,7,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814770060546734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657447388508115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954378055488378,0.10187886097075274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753891192019749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049017823697888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522912371934915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778286991910126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802461530002115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880639569356547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873649297653803,0.3090118090069691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401779134790044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824384922561162,0.0,0.0,0.15813928703104624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324935036400036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884101983671473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706561817968012,0.0,0.16501741484173446,0.0,0.0,0.14272525482333434,0.15897572566754795,0.0,0.1673229425494129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785736863045754,0.0,0.0,0.14160587701665114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669351337752653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398474752231372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957269032321806,0.13265736392565175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Buddy9412,2018/12/31,"Leaving a toxic FP Hey guys, just needing to vent and maybe get some advice.

I was with him for 3 years. A couple months ago his drinking got really bad, was lying and gaslighting me about what he was doing but when I threatened to leave he would emotionally blackmail me and tell me he felt suicidal so I stayed. There were also rumours of him cheating with his new ""friend"" that he would activrly deny but they hooked up as soon as we were broken up so i assume there was some overlap.  I ended up being drug down. I was at my lowest and cut myself for the first time in 8 years and was actively thinking about suicide.  He abandoned me, told me I was worthless and a lost cause. 

After a weak of self destruction, I pulled myself together and began to flourish. I worked out 5 days a week, I barely drank, I had perfect attendance at work and began to reconnect with old friends I had isolated myself from over the years. I was happy. And then he came back.

After a lot of back and forth internally, he promised he would be a better boyfriend, he would cut the other woman out, he admitted he had a drinking problem and that he needed help and if he didn't have me the year before when he went through a massive depressive episode that he would have killed himself. He needed me. So of course I gave him another chance. I only gave him one rule, if I catch you with her again, I am done.

Fast forward two weeks later he disappears for a day and says he blacked out, no recollection of anything. My bullshit detector was off the charts but had no proof. It all came to a head this morning. While he was sleeping, I looked at his phone. That night he disappeared, he was with him. I immediately got up, packed my shit and left. All he could do was roll over and play on his phone, no comment on anything as ""he did have to explain anything"". 

I admit, I went off. He texted me after i left and told me that im unfit to be in a relationship with anyone because i have such low self esteem. Sure, i dont think the best of myaelf but just because i dont want you hanging oit with a chick you were fucking a few weeks ago has nothing to do with my self worth. I lost it and called him a piece of shit multiple times, told him he was a liar, manipulator and a fuck boy. But I feel like my feelings and reaction were warranted. Would I have liked to kept my cool, sure. But that wasn't in my cards this morning.

I just don't understand how he could manipulate me that badly only to fuck me over two weeks later. And I don't understand why I'm missing him already. Last time was easier, he left. Now I have to be an adult and stick to my word or be stuck wasting years with someone who doesn't respect me.

I blocked him, but unfortunately on my Samsung I can still see blocked calls and check blocked texts. I've checked 4 times in the past 6 hours. There's never anything. And I don't know if I feel relief or even worse about myself. I know this has nothing to do with my self worth, but it is a blow to my ego.

I don't want to miss him anymore. And I know the more time goes on, it'll get easier again. But right now it hurts so fucking bad.

If anyone has any advice, support, tough love or logic to drop on me, please do. Also, if you've made it through this far the thank you. No one else understand why or how I can miss him after all of this, and honestly I don't either. But I do, and I just want to move on in the healthiest way going forward.

Thanks in advance

",3.64941678520626,4.627296418207682,4.58045547652916,87.26538022759601,72.01564722617354,7.5016671408250355,26.72002844950213,7.770157013224466,1.351550349928877,2694,89,575,33,50,875,311,703,0.215,0.66,0.125,-0.9976,1,0,3,0,0,2,80.0,1,4,1,9,30,48,12,0,29,1,67,14,4,6,8,122,124,60,3,20,24,0,4,2,2,7,2,1,0,9,21,42,3,5,18,3,4,15,15,28,0,5,46,9,93,20,79,64,11,102,0,10,3,5,82,37,6,13,53,383,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695190038112308,0.10609090366758467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603605137580687,0.09570968090815216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069394425846138,0.06274852498051878,0.0,0.0,0.059346210069295836,0.0836844622811898,0.0,0.1969762360306676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202809811326328,0.14989425134262668,0.07295705826575953,0.0,0.05092029879688752,0.0,0.06279945646659787,0.052924517469515785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222087399573121,0.13688436546700386,0.0,0.061473209426641064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555636708904333,0.06621294819420025,0.0,0.07718501213903542,0.0,0.05154098109535411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061238137745375065,0.14026645478644492,0.11724283180265675,0.06939658258435147,0.0,0.049989491885807605,0.06731309084025604,0.053001380170075586,0.0,0.0,0.03952442799793728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077225012763332,0.042750435197634135,0.05745676158008699,0.0,0.0,0.0509007393191336,0.0,0.0,0.09246604408974772,0.221288227407659,0.0625289240892655,0.0,0.034009029551589874,0.0,0.09572065731013443,0.0,0.0,0.05925201598599164,0.0,0.06370187637284037,0.0,0.0,0.061414148575725976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011017295364524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058931348649547285,0.0,0.06406104740285037,0.0,0.06463856818247482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620522020412392,0.0,0.09866117550255167,0.048778416523322266,0.0,0.12672599534776238,0.1950523233645676,0.0,0.0,0.0584705973913326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502513837529088,0.0,0.1306470800970955,0.0508746935466886,0.05400885507112607,0.05662301810255735,0.0,0.0,0.06011834573466699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776452963046587,0.06360153182311035,0.0,0.13311406975545342,0.046153082143512984,0.05779482805255541,0.0,0.05615674162714168,0.0,0.11483814133502347,0.0,0.06279308202130014,0.0,0.0810996449541945,0.09102358141798504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712502280878245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568746781533599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057259772495390875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038335688431169815,0.0,0.0,0.06424685842858464,0.0,0.05110390238427714,0.0,0.04758797933574719,0.0,0.0,0.04768554368279484,0.0,0.2497089303530708,0.0,0.12285189002414885,0.0,0.0,0.059884234441807925,0.0,0.05070310033817345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378256305980019,0.04778911425406284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309127221472745,0.06790687804907898,0.112798902502822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230368730916462,0.11018713891281263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668741608704588,0.0,0.0,0.17446889404763985,0.0,0.0,0.17154197131476615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691195864177778,0.18688983035425152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058873484856523,0.04749901469787866,0.1920034202576612,0.0,0.0,0.11094644636734437,0.10799442209372907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871299475767361,0.0,0.060983109676993025,0.2550560534775242,0.0,0.0,0.19267826805300828
bpd,MajorasMom,2018/12/31,"I find myself throwing fits for no reason or over menial things/upsetting myself in hopes of receiving attention. I am aware of what I’m doing, yet can’t seem to stop. I throw small fits and then I insist that nothing is wrong, yet at the same time I want the person questioning me to comfort me? I don’t even know how to explain it properly. It makes me feel so bad for the people around me. I can’t imagine what they think of me when I’m like this.

Does anyone else find themselves doing this as well? ",3.1615776699029112,4.5642698543689315,4.20989077669903,87.81153519417477,73.75728155339806,7.0917475728155335,23.55461165048544,7.645422480735847,0.9988650485436884,397,11,82,5,8,129,72,103,0.099,0.7659999999999999,0.135,0.4258,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,3,0,20,17,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,11,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,0,1,15,4,13,17,1,16,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,7,57,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792238897845035,0.2314141436872021,0.0,0.2010579703245461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857868092346136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764638344955476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886720609113617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491744565787574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141985836027568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128529830263376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432401244340214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412346816490852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034087061478227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075931865247094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671303287501972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565787465636444,0.1972070271935193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530082024581325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221555853249626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560902621263247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882408195635175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447181426864818,0.0,0.0,0.1316973010251369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321455843069208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030698967360167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469359263868963,0.0,0.0
bpd,pen0R_-3,2018/12/31,"NYE, feeling forerunners for disaster [NYE alone] Anyone else feeling this feely feel when the day of NYE comes? Having to spend it alone, no friends, family is far away, no interests, no chance of calming down, no skills? 

I just called the crisis hotline and she told me about breathing exercises and drinking tea or going to a clinic tomorrow. I was honest about suicidal stuff and told her about my diagnoses. Going to a clinic ain't an option cause this clinic held me against my will before and I'm afraid it will happen again if I'm too honest with them.

It's 2AM and it started, the shaking and the restlessness (even though I took 10mg lorazepam and 4mg clonazepam during the day, prescription of course) - I just can't calm down and I feel like I'll  lose control within the next few hours. Do you know this feeling when you watch yourself as a younger sibling and just think ""no don't do that stupid thing, it will hurt you and they will search for you!"" while being completely helpless, like you're watching yourself fuck everything up?

Today I was like ""great, my dissociation finally stopped"" but within a minute all the built-up feelings came through. Worst of all: there is a noisy party every NYE right above me (landlords) and the last few times they knocked on my window to open up the door, while I was only in a t-shirt. Thanks for making me feel even less save in my small, dump, basement flat... I can't even wear comfy, minimal clothes in my own flat without being afraid of being watched by some annyoing bitch (sorry she is one).

How do you deal with it? Do some of you spend NYE in the hospital or do you have a technique in how to keep calm? I'm genuinely interested, I have no idea what to do, especially when the fireworks get lit and the images of happy groups pop up in my head.

(I planned to take more sleeping meds and sleep through with ear plugs, but there are major risks involved)",5.2890190735694835,6.376016190735697,5.150458855585832,84.28302888283379,68.29155313351498,8.05183651226158,29.39389645776567,8.238735603445708,1.9406404141689368,1510,54,292,20,25,467,207,367,0.145,0.7490000000000001,0.106,-0.9213,0,2,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,7,3,4,19,28,4,5,20,0,27,14,6,5,2,52,55,27,1,1,9,0,7,3,1,4,5,1,3,0,13,19,2,4,10,2,2,6,11,13,0,1,8,12,34,15,44,40,11,42,0,3,4,1,20,19,2,6,20,191,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323151485379357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842058604083144,0.1149148824525694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537224257225844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543467363412184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452162976875772,0.12827413676484425,0.0,0.11521290757296394,0.0,0.09661061889611848,0.11759118752636075,0.0,0.12579008969866415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465992181854254,0.1156257041478691,0.0,0.11383380624034348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986808456935754,0.0,0.0,0.09369015807011012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222969870646472,0.0,0.09449446350948283,0.0,0.1007966569020506,0.0,0.10572867699039218,0.0,0.3969585273097776,0.08012273940254784,0.0,0.12285907068662708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866497933873356,0.10368443558217166,0.0585957624380298,0.0,0.12747924550935952,0.0,0.0,0.12365002567606907,0.0,0.0,0.09917728727282148,0.11938986858213008,0.0,0.0,0.1151022159005895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044895961081756,0.0,0.12006302586591905,0.12660805559158986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996875031914604,0.0,0.0,0.06163682792463874,0.0914203642021256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643781314449507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547148056837815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486357188692548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457765426343573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927690158821135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599835754027227,0.08529806374747055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577878293541392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244697106974756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554706317241296,0.07938307877535096,0.0,0.0,0.09376564818595612,0.0,0.0,0.1283893361772981,0.1226781186272544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843257443780593,0.0,0.0,0.10325620518024813,0.0,0.0,0.07451004053122065,0.0718636643836689,0.1101905972011663,0.0,0.06539781720118436,0.0,0.10630874468940127,0.21433563737557734,0.12460706421678848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811231802291482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imadoitsoon,2018/12/31,"DAE feel the way I feel( specifically males) So I feel like bpd, for us men at least has a lot to do with feeling alone because you feel inferior internally.Not necessarily inferior around others,but you feel like somnthings missing n that  makes you feel inferior cuz yo don’t have what you think u should have.your not who you think u are , or act how you think you should act.n it’s hard to connect with life because these thoughts are always fluctuating n for me personally I felt alone since I was young 
Even wen having a “family” around n I think that, That lost of connection is the the center of the disorder.its like you never feel good enough or comfortable enough n the only way to coup is to tryn distract yourself with behaviors that’s not progressive/benefitcal. It dangerous for me n I think for anyone with bpd cuz the desire to feel whole comes with feeling connected and that attract bad connections and vibes and you keep thos connects because it feels like that hole is getting feeled but really it’s just a lack of self respect and integrity ...because there’s a lack of stable self ..fuck bpd ",3.5121531100478482,6.292144976076558,4.262368421052631,81.42407894736844,77.70813397129186,7.8191387559808625,26.24641148325359,8.710501217029153,2.2793808612440203,896,35,163,21,22,286,116,209,0.12,0.748,0.132,0.5704,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,9,0,1,7,17,2,1,10,0,13,2,0,4,1,49,39,11,0,5,6,0,14,4,0,2,1,0,0,5,13,12,0,1,19,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,4,14,18,8,21,33,7,10,0,5,0,1,16,4,1,3,6,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958842259562895,0.0,0.0,0.07868669366995781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612291919972857,0.0,0.0,0.1683680194078817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895886683423317,0.2305868275784359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573086357680585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146044896652094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542442614892366,0.0,0.06246011476160347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914864219568364,0.0,0.5737864351065974,0.2026744388578179,0.09079842780544772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874249722222136,0.049406961370053765,0.0,0.0,0.07931768194524523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471278327759403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405482605446919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679493744015451,0.18480116769470992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323023038510333,0.08039684211377872,0.0,0.0,0.06312370469030687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293532008700998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192189273018973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257159994277405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060581559814120625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973064410655612,0.0,0.0,0.07822617735725129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029711656938907,0.0,0.0750750375590215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375155240508884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012457153067085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557983845451914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,treezuschrist_,2018/12/31,"Alien Nation 👽 We come in peace. 

Leave a destructive path.

Then force alienation.

Quick reminder that you are bigger then BPD. Don't let it define who you are. Don't let feeling sorry for yourself get in the way of positive strides.",1.5162662337662347,4.214229522727276,1.8796103896103915,92.78227272727275,94.6818181818182,4.3324675324675335,22.19480519480519,6.1826913282559595,0.5921077922077926,185,7,34,2,7,56,37,44,0.17300000000000001,0.66,0.166,0.166,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39740837711891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718075768326296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954521746892392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164855296269934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341086035373529,0.0,0.645316849605457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532183460706271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504589437480186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnxiousLoseitGirl,2018/12/31,"Please help me chose I have everything I need to be happy. But I swear some days I just disassociate so bad....iv been pn bed for two days. Eating nothing but cereal, oreos and rice cakes. My head is spinning and throbbing

I have no plans for tomorrow because I have no friends I am between going and signing up to inpatient... or just staying here at home curled in bed..
. 
what would you do? im just so scared because I feel so useless and think suicide is the only way. I know its not and im not trying to attempt but I fear myself...especially if tomorrow is anything like today. ",1.5054247491638792,3.9649178434782653,3.4565217391304373,86.03702341137127,83.6086956521739,5.973244147157192,25.36789297658863,7.321109707123232,1.4225117056856191,452,19,88,7,13,152,80,115,0.21100000000000002,0.687,0.102,-0.9519,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,2,7,6,0,2,1,0,11,3,1,0,0,22,16,13,1,3,10,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,13,3,9,13,1,11,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,3,6,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551885063243062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574597047252656,0.22991802719422136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24324206789321395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296844082572887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169487076678586,0.0,0.0,0.21220935114988088,0.09535370152171066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569947682187676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717659356286427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075110061129547,0.0,0.0,0.1935415190523199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640383336630848,0.0,0.1891650583817834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074060119868803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364079625021308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213258264959473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983259485089744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095136735242706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434265769841058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700852488420612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888054130598159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100537791259596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628021144359146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083696791288395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875551547593266,0.0,0.0,0.12803610976509966,0.0,0.18421909768081646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968914608952935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396461341657065,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,masakamoon,2019/02/01,"Who feels bpd is beautiful, lonely, exhilarating, true-to-life? I used to feel this way always but didn't realize my attraction to intensity, high-highs, and low-lows was indicative of bpd symptoms. I feel grateful for the intensity; sometimes it can be too much and I really, really spiral but I take my modes of thought during times like these as sort of an altered state of consciousness to explore; I might become more reckless, less dependent on validation, more steadfast in my self-reliance for short bouts of time. It feels like I'm exploring many dimensions of myself during these days and I gain something from it. I'm recovering.

I like meeting others who feel like I do, or who play the same game. I love playing with my limits in a moderately safe manner. I can hold back and generally don't harm the other person, but if the intensity doesn't exist in a relationship--the fear of abandonment, the loneliness of being left, the comfort of being met where I am in my depression or my exhilaration or meeting someone else there--then I don't quite want it so much. My borderline tendencies only come out when I become very attached to romantic interests, and then they come hard. I use the other person to prompt me, and my reactions become explorations of how much it is I can take, or what it is I desire from them. I think I qualify as a quiet borderline, so I almost manipulate myself and the other person to treat me poorly without their knowledge or without standing up to them. I dunno. It's fun and feels lively. 
I control it enough so I am not losing too much except maybe some mental sanity, but that comes and goes :)",7.5900632305039295,7.5166621009772,8.288120329565054,67.80561985054611,63.16938110749186,11.523203678865686,34.671201379574626,11.088447113337141,4.0144027208277455,1303,51,222,33,17,438,174,307,0.086,0.68,0.23399999999999999,0.9944,0,2,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,4,5,9,19,0,1,12,0,18,2,0,6,0,61,38,27,0,3,14,0,7,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,20,14,0,5,14,3,1,6,7,6,0,0,4,8,38,13,34,30,10,25,0,4,0,1,15,10,0,12,10,162,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127517498457966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415498226089567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776893851179181,0.0,0.0,0.3350971808684041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547597355392598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26136449447841603,0.0,0.0,0.1134349535628768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652256928713758,0.0,0.08711007772232415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448788577415563,0.0,0.0,0.10450266969463078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380845494713232,0.3068307042514229,0.1445061251682216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059985165851292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371586292636213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988681684045364,0.0,0.0,0.19764382341914025,0.0,0.0893067751328433,0.0,0.0,0.11314763830628324,0.0,0.0,0.0912810633976002,0.0,0.0,0.10253813606606847,0.10160679246279324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019233939219508,0.10729151722715838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973924954523886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692006519254735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649296038889589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075727944700596,0.0,0.0,0.12958328412879278,0.0,0.0,0.10858444508022057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550907194981178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856939646346626,0.07786103301390793,0.10002814447808467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105121187323965,0.15208649458148465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480519611479546,0.0,0.0802923360907168,0.11794885233170532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747016520521985,0.0,0.0834495057541267,0.05965385834967112,0.08027869811812707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949869946652013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hurricanehunter228,2019/02/01,Warm and Sunny Weather DAE find that their symptoms are so much stronger when there is warm/sunny/springtime weather? ,11.4135,11.23710935,7.550000000000002,76.55500000000005,55.5,8.0,45.0,3.1291,3.4224999999999994,97,5,14,0,1,26,17,20,0.0,0.664,0.336,0.7635,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.583199144352658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690667097513612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6632157867763401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FindingFrosty,2019/02/01,"Disassociation Writing TRIGGER WARNING.  Suicide... oh what a tricky subject  
 Suicide is so many different things for a person.  
 Suicide can be for so many different reasons.   
 Suicide can be considered selfish, but is it really?   
 Suicide can sometimes be what's thought to be the only answer to all the  memories and the voices screaming in our minds. The screaming voices  telling us that we're nothing, showing us every contorted memory that  may or may not be real. Showing us stuff we don't even know if its real  or fake because of the scarcity of its realism.  
 Suicide can look like it's our only way out of all of this commotion,  this terrifying reality we're stuck in, this terrifying mindset we can't  escape no matter how hard we try.   
 Suicide can be seen as our only way to finally feel free from all of  these demons chasing us and stealing every bit of happiness we have  left.   
 Suicide might just be my only way to free myself. I keep trying to keep myself from it though.... ",5.203956043956044,7.057999065934068,6.337142857142857,72.78285714285715,69.32967032967035,8.496703296703298,34.97802197802198,9.04235418022936,3.49805054945055,778,40,125,15,14,260,105,182,0.306,0.614,0.08,-0.9952,2,0,0,0,0,8,21.0,11,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,7,0,20,0,0,3,3,33,28,11,8,1,6,0,2,1,0,3,0,4,0,1,15,7,0,2,5,2,2,0,4,5,0,0,3,8,15,6,19,15,4,8,1,0,2,0,14,4,0,6,2,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049065431693305024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787329262485055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818803676891186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531623167997138,0.0,0.1356311411341706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069772680125778,0.0,0.0,0.08817191683531134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856821845124712,0.07210245832525168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308488891856824,0.0,0.0,0.044234725489871285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745168437578676,0.0,0.0,0.0393229273570862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759060454551169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163206706128376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538625624556774,0.08127108490627649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723149909546373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448624669199517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028001103698726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832285216202062,0.05156340309894767,0.08275623971862356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960581597603175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921408066062944,0.7043364279194153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070351054660882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347340705410007,0.0,0.0790801698088382,0.06389938516277956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929368305077199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872740924988549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166559479428816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buzzbeez,2019/02/01,"Can't go on Whats the point? Honestly? Why would I fucking continue to live like this. This life is miserable. Meds from the doctor dont help. Therapy pissed me off. 
I have no friends. My boyfriend/fp left me. I can barely hold down my job. My own mind tears me to pieces. People hurt me.
Honestly the only thing that feels any type of good is cutting myself or planning to die.
I guess this will get deleted.
There's nothing left. I wrote a note for the millionth time today and even that makes me feel fucking stupid and fake. I would be better off just dying and not explaining shit to anyone. Not that anyone cares. The only reason I wrote one was to tell people not to have a funeral to save my parents the fucking emabressment of having a funeral with only them mourning.
My body is physically hurting from the mental pain. It's constant torment. I can feel it crawling over my skin. I can't go on. And If I tried to speak to anyone I would just be called manipulative. Last time I tried to die and it fucking failed, they let me out of hospital after a day. Like nothing happened. Clearly the only way to show people this unbearable hurt is to be dead. Then they will know. 
",1.6859945721583678,4.249908573275864,2.918007662835252,89.44627713920818,83.95689655172414,5.5060025542784174,22.816730523627076,6.937597516519254,0.8562504469987227,927,33,181,12,27,298,135,232,0.204,0.67,0.126,-0.9682,2,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,3,3,4,25,8,1,12,0,22,11,4,3,1,32,40,8,7,4,7,1,4,2,1,5,3,1,0,0,12,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,7,16,0,1,3,5,28,9,27,28,2,22,0,6,0,4,12,10,6,3,11,120,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666484475996458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563790713049312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670097739094666,0.0,0.10889099997552748,0.0,0.0,0.10010121685207626,0.0,0.09994974233687558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593732547037524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322226741359536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052239484448392,0.0,0.0,0.1003394891992216,0.0,0.0,0.11489229667660746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474894249556605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487031565393939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573896543008805,0.3625145115853928,0.05121746114044665,0.0,0.11142722667008977,0.08222424897482587,0.0,0.0,0.10799285166393713,0.0,0.0866890137709665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570851024582376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148345429345135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972812293448111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053875599662847,0.07990883224567329,0.0,0.0,0.2130232248576004,0.10024394549576512,0.06924261314303848,0.09578656896363864,0.0,0.08656369247665384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543684943102794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889099997552748,0.0,0.09879278827964216,0.0,0.09898396307621213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812791446310567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664287443682172,0.2982297752307091,0.10431252649512447,0.0,0.10885248256291764,0.0,0.0,0.2038882893853477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267154182012394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079280455134873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062802127155836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568393303665041,0.0,0.11210766992064897,0.0,0.06512783427840678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432602023786605,0.0,0.09292248745423357,0.0,0.0,0.13311403311567405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781291538057171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845826467562899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891649261343026,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,evailich,2019/02/01,"How can i not give a shit about exes of my bf I cant stop thinking about how he spent a moment with them

Especially how they were so intimate 
Shit",0.9770833333333327,2.739848375000001,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,80.875,6.766666666666668,20.041666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.5747166666666668,116,3,27,2,3,40,26,32,0.11900000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.147,-0.0171,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,2,0,6,2,2,0,2,0,3,2,2,3,0,7,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838861879354609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.821551761924843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345658428166653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25641722643172904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LutherTHX,2019/02/01,"Confronting a spouse with suspected BPD My wife of 7 years and I love each other and are great when we are in the same room together. Yet we are currently on the brink of divorce. Throughout out entire relationship, she has always had **severe** abandonment issues and insecurity, which I was patient with through four years of marriage. But over the last two years, she has regularly engaged in behavior that has brought out marriage to the brink, including crossing sexual boundaries with two people (not out of sexual desire, but out of a need to ""please"" them), compulsively lying to me about cutting off these friendships to the point of gas lighting, and - even in the face of divorce - refusing to cut ties with these people (and other people whom she has admitted attraction to).

We have been to marriage counseling, and our marriage counselor referred to my wife as a ""serial people pleaser"". I strongly suspect this pattern of behavior (among others, such as erratic driving, suspected mild alcohol abuse, and major issues with perceived sleights) is the result from an undiagnosed personality disorder. Over time, I've come to believe her behavior is utterly compulsive and addictive. She also seems to be utterly unaware of how this behavior has impacted me on a mental health scale (depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation for the first time in my life), and how this behavior has led to me considering divorce.

I strongly suspect my wife has an undiagnosed personality disorder. I am not a trained therapist, but reading about Borderline Personality Disorder in particular, the symptoms fit her to a T (she *strongly* meets 7 of the 9 criteria, and somewhat meets and additional criteria).

Regardless of the specific ailment it may be, I love my wife. I don't want a divorce, but I have a hard time seeing a future for us if nothing drastic happens. If she does indeed have an undiagnosed BPD, what is the best way to confront her about it/help her get the help she needs, either directly or indirectly? I imagine that coming out and saying, ""I suspect you have a BPD"" likely isn't a healthy or wise choice.",8.190370152761453,9.29606087837838,8.447696827262046,63.1494418331375,61.83783783783784,12.056404230317273,41.762632197414796,11.718892830421765,5.6283607520564045,1695,95,253,52,23,557,195,370,0.166,0.7340000000000001,0.1,-0.9726,1,0,1,0,5,0,62.0,5,1,1,5,10,18,4,1,27,0,26,8,1,4,0,66,39,27,1,7,11,5,1,1,0,1,5,1,1,3,14,30,1,2,10,1,0,6,4,7,0,4,4,4,36,11,54,32,6,40,0,2,1,2,44,21,0,8,13,196,50,1,0.0,0.11984321670292353,0.0,0.11026567637653724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080958885876944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808875982591695,0.08416280096186941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737754060886289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395856593487065,0.1061480334562834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821751072708444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425918494911638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711817097635631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477713039639169,0.0,0.08851483594852351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680695250438998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603598954826526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052845380355664835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151544695318584,0.0,0.0,0.08944437704208001,0.0,0.0906082691417011,0.0,0.0,0.1075150347867827,0.0,0.0,0.13559403918998608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111433674297498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244869112547336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714434520354305,0.049415546545416515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257908834210107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193286345682437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999914038448564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705372907941548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804916907299504,0.26495421806266845,0.0,0.11102955222278793,0.09561705649956476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117484574900944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859453348240036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043653093294792,0.0,0.0,0.08060144101588887,0.09208086131963998,0.0,0.11426785491712922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063891944457496,0.0,0.0,0.10513095396056343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744001302975493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693971614833875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976127692115892,0.0,0.12166795702877932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059659400691524624,0.08028615667991729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540697064282214
bpd,NinjaZardus,2019/02/01,"Everything is bad. I realize while that may sound dramatic, it's about as true as it ever was. I can't handle anything, I lost my job because my vehicle broke, my FP lives with me now after some shit happened to her, and I can't take care of her, and I'm madly in love but now she's all of a sudden dating my bestfriend and they're constantly on cam together, and now that I'm home all the time I can't get away from it.

I can't take care of her, (I totally want to) but at the same time, she isn't working or doing much to help out and I'm mad at her for spending just about every waking moment with her new boyfriend. He's a shit who won't face me (everyone knows how I feel, I've been taking care of my FP for 2 years and even helping raise her infant daughter) and all I want is to somehow find work again with a vehicle that works, come home to my person and the little Princess, and be happy.

Instead everything is bad, I feel unappreciated, and I can't take it. She talked me down off a bridge last night after we got into a huge fight about tax returns ... She shoved me out her room, trying to end the fight, and I grabbed her arm when she did, but like, harder than I should of. She might bruise- I realized I'm the monster who just can't be happy for them, she doesn't want me, no one ever does, and now I've accidentally hurt the best person in my life. So. I went to the bridge. 

It sounds one sided, but she's done so so much for me in the past... It's just the last year that it's been so fucked up. And I've gotten worse. I was only diagnosed last year, but I have no insurance or anything so I'm just... Crazy and depressed and lonely. The only things that ever bring me any happiness are her and The Princess, but now they're going to be moving away with the ex best friend and like... I can't take it. I have nothing. Nothing is worth going on for.

I'm all over the place and sort have been in a full panick for like... 16 hours? It's exhausting and I haven't calmed down yet. I'm so so sorry for wasting anyone's time. ",2.2167944421170205,3.2605448087557636,3.7860955173858417,91.34243331936882,75.56682027649771,6.8274263371037565,22.137690266722526,7.229369725052465,0.4897397849462366,1573,39,366,17,33,524,194,434,0.17600000000000002,0.696,0.128,-0.9785,1,2,0,0,2,0,62.0,1,0,1,6,29,30,7,0,19,0,33,10,5,1,9,66,66,39,0,4,12,2,3,3,1,4,3,2,3,3,17,28,0,0,6,0,3,6,13,15,0,2,11,5,53,15,51,48,12,63,0,5,0,2,34,24,3,7,36,243,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788027331373776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951351776304298,0.0,0.140082739404104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993435261477393,0.0,0.14213286348398754,0.051884556161085615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864327336542593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603374428422999,0.0,0.0,0.07331796501468434,0.0,0.09197773390802344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330835403198836,0.08638867154336362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448362216602089,0.08710092409362936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538552544243557,0.0,0.0,0.05621683365367284,0.2309707976988841,0.07171201104838361,0.08132984211290473,0.15298951292896856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607214566244217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779243176917752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575867738652423,0.07868629667671424,0.04446842499849495,0.0,0.09674421889796103,0.0,0.06807324661984841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526581406479499,0.2718155304612398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409991415297906,0.0,0.17075207568711007,0.0,0.08381990560852888,0.0,0.09111603704205504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446227037725818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046776294832082316,0.20813721537406826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011836355588936,0.12474684696326158,0.08530634452140519,0.07515700662973734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291171993102333,0.0,0.07681848859437697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029224557220213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046245361995303,0.1251368091564281,0.0,0.0,0.08220339671563863,0.0,0.07987349501300982,0.0,0.16333789040197896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535056876723974,0.12946569487111778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125071170849553,0.0,0.14863609893186122,0.08892576033882171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473609651953262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527788239581562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199747629603563,0.06841121368135257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056545798043016474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889154820803446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778665386809825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060689698424132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890130529181391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589148599811126,0.0,0.0867381896728302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443140648682958
bpd,AcidToast94,2019/02/01,"Possible BPD Hey

Currently I'm diagnosed with Major depressive disorder

I'm doing medication, but I'm not 100% sold on the MDD diagnosis

I am currently in college, finishing my master's, I've managed to live almost a normal life

My emotions shift incredbly quick, I can go sadness to incredible joy in an instance, sometimes with a dose of anger
My self image is so distorted, sometimes I think I'm Hot,. sometimes I think I'm hideous
Sometimes , I tend to overreact to things
I can't find a middle ground to things
I can't hold on to a thought, I need to tell everyone,. especially that person I deeply loved.

I'm always scared that people are going to leave me
There was a person that I loved, I used to tell her everything but in a suicidal outburst, I blamed her for everything and she ended blocking me :(

Sometimes It's like there's a storm brewing inside me
 

I've been taking Valproic acid and it has helped a lot",5.341964618249534,6.3263651284916245,6.576103351955307,74.4834101489758,68.10614525139664,9.989013035381753,33.9110800744879,10.125756701596842,3.6170554934823103,734,34,132,18,12,248,109,179,0.22,0.677,0.10300000000000001,-0.9664,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,10,0,10,6,0,1,0,18,28,5,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,4,0,2,4,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,4,2,21,4,18,24,2,14,0,2,0,2,12,7,0,2,6,76,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398454728485635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302541939790233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559428086994381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664314874790867,0.12567135180136674,0.0,0.0,0.14190467378286134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392771306754574,0.10966485210797276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183121700741748,0.22255694592508324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316622753529472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407357764700813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299172909972999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110401553179202,0.0,0.0,0.08745540220933082,0.060490589065882464,0.0,0.1093324211585118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105264536997586,0.22349882530945905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473230663797245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180851974281302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131408458354635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583891501000604,0.21622394632926412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958473391529272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396212421671175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916782935338855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6122894485616972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543538175104575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309475486809693,0.0,0.2164425196119571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645166374664285,0.15867349334568212,0.0,0.0982966353024502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693788108935068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wordsarewind15,2019/02/01,"Do I move on? Hello to my favorite subreddit! I’m worried what I’m feeling might be due to splitting but obviously I need some guidance from someone other than my broken mind. 

I have a large friend group. We call ourselves the Wolfpack. I was dating my ex for 6 years so we all formed a very tight bond during that time. However my BPD hit me and essentially threw my life in shambles. I broke up with my ex but had to deal with him still because of our said friend group. Over the course of a year it’s been hard distancing myself without losing the group. But things have gotten more complicated because my best girlfriend in the group grew feelings for my ex and they are now together. I’ve removed them from my life but still have a connection to them through my group chats. I find myself no longer able to bond with my friends because it is no longer that simple. I just feel like I’m being phased out and honestly I’m not sure if I want that. But I do think it’s time to move on but I’m older now and making friends is a lot harder but would it be the best to just isolate myself from that friend group and try to start new? Thoughts?",2.7772077922077973,4.647852727272731,3.4218593073593087,91.1013603896104,75.83982683982684,6.178441558441559,24.537012987012982,6.961326702584282,0.8048612987012986,904,30,190,9,20,284,132,231,0.08800000000000001,0.7290000000000001,0.183,0.9838,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,3,0,3,3,7,12,0,0,10,0,16,2,0,1,3,41,34,14,0,4,12,3,5,1,6,2,2,1,0,0,11,11,0,1,6,1,0,5,4,2,0,0,7,6,31,10,28,21,7,25,0,2,0,0,27,7,0,4,14,126,42,0,0.13059627474376784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23883083079900905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741054663874405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448143630044787,0.0,0.13335339805224916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463902479764409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981002014683541,0.09329800477131728,0.0,0.0,0.11936262916480125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044917895448431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698861044784878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448802208441856,0.06380274316716449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610382620493054,0.0,0.11102828262017167,0.0,0.0,0.08717402748815803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385420095449714,0.13186500867813838,0.0,0.0,0.27760634445302795,0.0,0.09683548294311516,0.0,0.12613069594442827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422696352732004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106537997894645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243671543897608,0.0,0.20858870741691665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308544340257435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676236195653354,0.08368081960935399,0.0,0.1036788544011044,0.15230347606102473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886662979863994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775560381193768,0.07702906647667876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589014851406005,0.0,0.0,0.13262685629632925,0.0,0.09277184658779926,0.0,0.0,0.16819943833585635
bpd,HoneyHopScotch,2019/02/01,"How can I best support my BPD clients? I work in mental health. While I have an academic background w mental health, lived experience is just as valuable. Therefore I am curious - from your perspective, how best I can serve my BPD clients? This is something that I ask my clients throughout treatment but I am not always sure that I get a completely honest answer. Any experience and advice welcome :)",4.803259557344064,7.700062323943663,4.81923541247485,78.57661971830989,73.64788732394365,7.437424547283702,34.08651911468813,8.418075326091056,3.212716700201208,319,17,51,6,7,99,50,71,0.031,0.667,0.302,0.9664,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,3,1,9,10,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,7,3,10,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,36,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385070731136654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803461795040151,0.0,0.0,0.12098428447195612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632098663782385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734092354175928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44814055099889055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653429987177952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480584634146922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295015852595899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782180943763111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709698917393805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35858104354815595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369631121744447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188913120123386,0.16767721533515767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295199390933779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dashing-rainbows,2019/02/01,"Does anyone else get periods of euphoria? It seems like whenever my meds get messed with I get periods of euphoria lasting 3-8 days. My doctor said that is too short and they happen too often to be bipolar (like once every few months) and that it is more consistent with borderline personality disorder.

​

I just wanted to know if others here experienced that. It also comes with difficulty sleeping, thinking faster than normal, being really creative, a lot of energy even though i'm not getting much sleep (like 3 hours of sleep and being super hyper), being a lot more social than normal and being really impulsive and spending all my money and getting into sexual situations. 

​

Is this a normal thing for borderline? What can I do to avoid messing up my life during these moments.",10.173209255533196,9.531256823943664,10.270724346076463,57.557676056338046,58.225352112676056,13.184708249496982,38.59557344064386,12.28987398476788,5.248813682092556,647,26,91,18,7,216,95,142,0.063,0.802,0.135,0.9178,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,1,3,0,10,6,3,0,1,26,23,9,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,11,11,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,8,4,15,17,7,12,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,5,11,70,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578845041293857,0.0,0.2595643188481426,0.2910929208567645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375333497609025,0.12272931292271735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318032464640094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724853575676599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372788701924167,0.12260045291502635,0.10482075319999236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000612669321692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911391356561719,0.0,0.10092026667047516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129019283977596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592153135218373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795969883761134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658282494005852,0.09763712276608252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460453406835095,0.17555615688059945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366625460791174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304917158650792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560768011327704,0.0,0.0880524752111504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520784768979449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756236036008514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045877428464661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346895551178025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393871807185038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904370024977386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346383397353767,0.3596011166425686,0.12210117092150145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957686493753242,0.07675053018095163,0.11768376729293398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064966283824503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910929208567645,0.0
bpd,stivbators69,2019/02/01,"Struggling with what to do next I have a loved one with undiagnosed BPD. It’s dangerous and unfair for me to render my unqualified diagnosis, but 7 out of 7 traits are off the charts. 

Yesterday I experienced splitting for the first time. Going from their “favorite person” (their words not mine) to being their mortal enemy. 

What I did (not entirely on purpose) was catch them in a fairly horrific and (for them) embarrassing lie. As a result, in the bad guy, and despite my assurances of love, understanding, and forgiveness — it escalated into something they cannot easily take back, and probably never will. 

I am at a loss, still numb from what happened, and confused about where to go from here. Would appreciate any advice.  ",7.6631976744186066,8.618544341085277,8.07859496124031,65.86347383720933,62.95348837209302,11.721317829457364,33.954457364341074,11.45678717892309,4.326138759689925,576,23,93,17,8,190,96,129,0.248,0.635,0.11699999999999999,-0.9621,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,6,2,5,11,1,3,7,0,10,3,0,1,2,21,17,8,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,2,2,1,14,4,23,12,0,18,0,1,0,2,11,8,0,1,7,75,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171252194936183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510994101059625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085332463437006,0.18552255025378814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798453253496294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899794122264948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525557252884373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000680509633413,0.19648525231888134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010771769830956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136956403548476,0.0,0.2363056375993108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056427603271494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401106442015675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956250772101956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710556502950797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774442636332534,0.0,0.0,0.23228521359202914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706209271002087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956299740817898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313115922275435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784010752572628,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soytitties,2019/02/01,"Why aren’t I getting better? I’ve been in therapy for 10 years. I’ve been medicated for 8 years. 

My life is a mess. 

I still can’t reach my goals, I still can’t maintain friendships and most importantly everyday I have to force myself to exist because I very much have given up.

I’m so fucking tired of trying? It’s never getting better. I’m exhausted. There’s no point. I don’t have anyone who gets it or will stay",-0.047758620689656084,2.285905977011496,2.5639367816091965,89.59349137931038,92.67816091954023,5.198850574712644,19.893678160919546,6.816661863887847,0.5332919540229888,328,11,68,5,12,113,60,87,0.128,0.722,0.15,0.1978,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,1,0,1,0,11,5,0,0,1,4,18,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,7,14,2,10,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,6,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534109681957193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374541271059176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880864497406073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283359832589948,0.34388544264782983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497010941568756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210244160914205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128570256967628,0.0,0.1692163353589329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740579137182566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385332202123454,0.35042941483198337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25090528917578026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25217030466856344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895954485488275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810296140011554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797616429041848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28257536796223603
bpd,Bulldog37,2019/02/01,"Going through a breakup because of this disease So to make a long story short, my intense fear of abandonment caused my anxiety to skyrocket with my girlfriend abroad in Europe for the semester.  She was going out drinking almost every night and I was losing my mind so, I broke up with her.  Honestly, I feel pretty damn good right now.  I'm not reacting in the way that I thought I would which was feeling hopeless and empty.  Obviously it sucks not having that comfort of having someone there to talk to all the time but at the same time that comfort is NOT worth freaking out every night.  

At the same time, I'm feeling a little lonely.  I'd love to hear any of your stories if you can or can't relate.  I'd just love to chat with some of you.  ",4.059777365491648,5.464586863945581,4.8735188620902905,83.9239703153989,71.51700680272108,7.250216450216451,29.00989486703773,7.686295010490155,1.8187197278911564,587,23,112,7,11,190,95,147,0.159,0.6920000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.4972,0,2,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,3,0,1,5,15,2,1,8,0,9,3,0,3,2,30,22,7,0,2,7,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,1,4,2,1,2,4,9,0,0,4,4,14,6,23,17,4,20,0,5,0,2,11,10,2,4,7,77,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340156996652492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177593850008576,0.0,0.1324721537357805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556089449428582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789003912062368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963757163904206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918010518871553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486083106054453,0.2626750624683309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682940434747812,0.14524412419014288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517160686441606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355865984011598,0.0,0.1532471985053903,0.0,0.193729392452804,0.0,0.0,0.3125796564413305,0.0,0.11559020609944134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748491376342707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250106854063056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761729243852658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788352973833546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672369617301464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918494141537247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747512296601885,0.30292491975227376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745177226967514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301275019977925,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheCuntyVaginaShow,2019/02/01,"I cut contact with my FP He was leading me on romantically. It felt like I was breaking up. I told him things were hurtful and confusing and that I needed a step back. All he said was “...umm.”

I was really sad going into it but now that it’s done I feel like weights and puppet strings have been cut. I am peaceful and free.

Until next time 💫",-0.03865414710485027,2.2289888591549354,2.2782159624413154,92.77989045383413,89.98591549295773,4.845696400625979,20.56494522691706,6.42735559955562,0.2344447574334905,263,9,58,3,9,89,53,71,0.131,0.665,0.204,0.8226,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,2,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,1,13,15,6,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,10,4,10,4,5,5,1,12,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,1,7,39,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268360080155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296360118248626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464298544009364,0.2068894400909167,0.2780602624929381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645856714542465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31002150428510383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28296669028397803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473384019455216,0.0,0.0,0.3079916084918548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552440643840454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754747756005961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923965740762672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886738876892302,0.0,0.0,0.276724063223635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526533191875724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AstrologicalFit,2019/02/01,"Do exes miss us? Just got broken up with after a 2.5 year relationship. He was my first love and first everything. What I’m wondering is, based on experience, do our exes ever miss us? Or are they too traumatized by our BPD behaviors to ever come back? Currently doing indefinite no contact. ",3.2183333333333337,6.0644163888888905,5.6200000000000045,70.80000000000003,79.55555555555556,9.525925925925927,25.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.3570222222222226,231,9,38,8,6,81,47,54,0.19,0.743,0.068,-0.6747,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,4,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,9,13,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,6,1,6,11,0,11,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,3,8,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684534817529892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759145571695825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887118428172251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963278291752114,0.0,0.0,0.1968885314175931,0.21429526202913932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726864702367927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521255279807826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772177995086815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23520223096790674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270352754011163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757513635197786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107571829515916
bpd,sublimenanigans,2019/02/01,Someone found my porn I have an acquaintance who I’ve been hanging out with lately. Last night we were messing around on my computer and he saw some of my porn search history (it’s some weird shit cuz you know... I guess I’m an addict.) he still hung out all night and acted somewhat normal but I’ve been feeling like total shit since. Any horror stories like this?,1.0754166666666691,3.6909201527777786,1.9680000000000002,93.77700000000004,90.52777777777777,4.546666666666667,19.7,6.2581,0.16758999999999968,289,9,57,3,10,90,55,72,0.168,0.73,0.102,-0.7469,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,0,4,5,2,1,2,19,10,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,5,2,7,2,6,5,5,11,0,0,1,2,5,4,2,4,7,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465157758484255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377658962013044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130421217146705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433844610160085,0.1615477744726514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479405750736852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491083942672891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427548597349287,0.18432665293846665,0.2550852115936223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209520169090334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244165744540767,0.2215600152200023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642397049623132,0.1870576022627936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159975753764386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805882212911451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Carrotsforfree,2019/02/01,"DAE get a thrill in saying something really mean to someone really important to you? Not sure this is BPD related or if I’m just a shitty person. When I’m feeling hurt by my boyfriend or someone in my family, I can say the meanest things. Even in the moment I know I shouldn’t say it but that doesn’t stop me. When I do say the terrible thing, I get a rush of adrenaline. It feels so good. Then I feel guilt.  And I know I’ve fucked everything up. again. ",-0.27478542510121784,1.998698768421054,2.1652631578947386,92.55453441295546,92.89473684210527,6.291497975708502,18.88663967611336,7.61054688173877,0.7932672064777329,353,11,78,8,13,120,67,95,0.21600000000000005,0.688,0.096,-0.9189,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,1,6,0,5,1,0,0,1,16,16,9,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,7,11,3,8,15,0,11,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,3,6,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422558621337252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758872676505612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000404918347946,0.0,0.16783311027581085,0.0,0.270055605071999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458809290245022,0.18602917087198087,0.0,0.0,0.14932513757772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905873754765081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195683911547803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392948486929326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545103209117314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281042393589305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663140678169309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301692564007143,0.13705804595665255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884306528782645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779343810484454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655364287340644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CaptainSpaulding117,2019/02/01,"I feel like I'm losing myself It's so hard to explain but I feel like you guys will understand exactly where I'm coming from.

I feel like I'm losing myself, like who I am, my identity. Some days I feel like it's all a dream and I'm not even real. I look in the mirror and think 'that's not me...it cant be..'

I am disgusted and ashamed of who I think I am although I'm not sure who that even is most days. I feel so detached from reality that I sit and stare at the wall for minutes on end before someone snaps me out of it. I'm ashamed of where my life is and how I am. 

Suicidal thoughts are always sitting on the horizon, shame mocks me and my sense of self has disappeared. I forgot what I say and do because of this, I feel so alien.

I'm stuck in this daydream of not knowing who I am any given day. I dont know what to do..
",0.6002173913043478,1.9502218478260889,3.003695652173913,94.01032608695654,80.52173913043478,6.121739130434783,22.369565217391305,6.9077264865688965,0.4213326086956526,636,20,156,7,16,220,93,184,0.203,0.6890000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9617,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,8,13,2,3,4,0,15,1,0,1,3,35,40,13,1,0,5,0,7,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,14,9,0,1,13,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,10,25,6,17,34,3,17,0,2,2,0,9,9,0,2,9,99,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149999651209595,0.0,0.0,0.09398604655514267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425019495703208,0.0,0.11760466232837455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905378600834825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739780118820505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619785178103313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241109272949807,0.0,0.0,0.1825699030934865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41929211246889203,0.3949427332202642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684745566995635,0.0,0.0,0.12380704624703465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191079005225475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762025976200303,0.3376067611943356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605974743721732,0.309238362582076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731073930709474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099083935660704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144180882322059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710302443545488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511769063260054,0.0,0.1302592203236098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711596135221144,0.0,0.1097215589837202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438791988704409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sowanaski,2019/02/01,Trigger warning pregnancy scare My girlfriend is on the pill so a few weeks ago when we had sex I didnt pull out or use a condom. She was supposed to have her period last Sunday. She is very rarely late. I'm honestly terrified. I already had a kid I had to give up for adoption with another girl. I only just started college back up with clear goals in mind. I cant drop that for a kid. What should I do? 😰,0.17651162790697586,2.3638485116279107,2.445395348837213,92.84786046511627,87.13953488372093,5.765581395348837,22.55348837209302,7.1686216300943375,0.8360595348837214,316,12,70,5,10,107,67,86,0.146,0.8,0.054000000000000006,-0.8256,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,0,11,3,0,2,1,11,15,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,11,1,11,9,1,16,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,1,9,46,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588990271920316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223022685218806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062568328401357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245808476710767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28017647253083194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380729006781844,0.3294633482249313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949035613200577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212947449755224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924091759501295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672593019896546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522513863389767,0.0,0.2409851683542333,0.0,0.0,0.23427785514018434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,littlestrascal,2019/02/01,"How do you cope being away from your FP when they’re out having fun. So as the title says how do you all cope? 

I have a quiet version of BPD and I really struggle with being away from my partner when he’s out having fun without me. 
I get to the point sometimes where I get angry and short with him because he’s out and not with me. 

I hate that I do it but I just can’t help it :( ",1.83356862745098,2.3096996705882376,3.8173529411764697,92.92642156862743,75.82352941176471,6.137254901960784,21.225490196078432,5.46131890053228,-0.09456862745098073,292,6,71,1,6,100,56,85,0.092,0.792,0.11599999999999999,0.2622,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,7,4,1,1,3,0,9,0,0,2,1,16,12,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,14,2,14,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,2,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223386037899771,0.0,0.0,0.1694526921850348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501033191861406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904638640380193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744455363268916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632266575891926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26277887974202074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807970238507226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210591108186923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749271608378749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906027612747426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26796068808093576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,court024,2019/02/01,"I don’t want to ruin everything. My FP and I have been together for 5 years off and on. After our most recent “on” I ended up pregnant and all my moods seemed to be stabilized.. to me. Once the baby came everything went back to how it was. Me treating him like absolute garbage and overreacting to every little thing and sometimes not even knowing how to handle my emotions at all. I thought this was normal. Since I grew up watching the same things. 
I always knew something just wasn’t “right” with me but never wanted to go talk to a therapist. I thought they would just judge me for everything that happened to me during my childhood that I had no control over (thanks mom) so that wasn’t an option. Self medicating with drugs and drinking was the answer I thought. Pre baby of course. 
My fiancé has always been my rock. So when he sat me down a few nights ago, held my hands and told me he thinks I may have BPD and need to get help now before this destroys our relationship and my life. My heart broke  and I felt so much guilt. Normally I would have thrown a fit, yelled at him for going behind my back to do research and not just talking to me. But it just kind of clicked for me. Sometimes there is NO talking to me about something like that. And that breaks my heart. I’ve been living my life thinking what I’ve been struggling with everyday was normal. I though couples who were always happy were just a thing you see in movies. So I have agreed to go get evaluated and start therapy immediately. I always keep my feelings and things like this from everyone I know, besides my FP obviously, in fear of being laughed at or being called “crazy” like I have in the past. So it was really hard for me to open up to my parents and ask them to help. But I am also very proud for even doing that. In the last two days since agreeing to treatment I have already felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and I’m so excited to see how much more I can accomplish in life now. Staying positive is my biggest issue but I know I can do this. ",4.182965688371695,5.370637506203476,4.850498844870369,85.03818858560797,70.96029776674938,7.642987935312741,27.54419440403868,7.990435384864732,1.6222751604346706,1597,55,321,21,29,513,207,403,0.08,0.7909999999999999,0.129,0.9687,1,0,4,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,2,3,25,18,1,3,11,0,36,11,4,4,4,69,70,33,0,8,12,2,6,4,0,3,5,1,0,1,19,21,2,3,14,2,0,6,8,6,0,1,25,11,57,11,52,39,8,48,0,2,4,0,22,22,0,5,22,234,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320403517755993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113138376214523,0.06604086312608291,0.2748596392154836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720310123094343,0.0,0.0,0.12700105096127393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702712714382911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400924448517568,0.0,0.08432554148913135,0.0944519045318134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262282984641916,0.0,0.0913755057456292,0.0,0.053258612647040106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089900346678633,0.09576899992528767,0.0,0.0,0.09289372980024828,0.07314321519187741,0.0,0.0,0.10908937590350556,0.0,0.0695789679141984,0.07891072070231908,0.22265835783307344,0.0,0.0,0.092927804231075,0.04175598322931332,0.0,0.15858350341048122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862914613865081,0.0,0.14079990515209118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302706457802557,0.0879101645412565,0.07397732692353776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572033546247733,0.11070606094851476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619424070257657,0.0,0.0734027511073081,0.0,0.0859965329169498,0.13615486177360106,0.0673154209387695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499050554113382,0.16138174038745098,0.0827689437453894,0.07292149357364258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319276204209808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967191392577467,0.0,0.0,0.12141466822490585,0.06123356925138367,0.06369239457838351,0.0,0.0,0.0774976920247778,0.2427387268738636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794722478820408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169763188911596,0.0,0.07883394399798553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052904197955828805,0.0,0.08153984565143177,0.0886622532538731,0.0,0.07052464892882711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316144587910779,0.07517962814840788,0.08615112460062065,0.0,0.0,0.13662550733040638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715144646338986,0.16335158634699246,0.0,0.058452024445708815,0.08802151416438864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863327251959637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912905406437456,0.0,0.07603048814026431,0.09443981070792992,0.09588416509998464,0.21945546974345895,0.10583053043835176,0.08113647871377044,0.19668285171676916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891072070231908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067069689505435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813886839516271,0.09741810611384984,0.0,0.0,0.10056273115889804,0.0,0.07655441967153193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173278868439131,0.0,0.0,0.053180154847953735
bpd,necronon,2019/02/01,"I can never reliably give up my vulnerabilities entirely I don't know anymore if this is chaining bad luck, lack of insight, an issue with me or what but every time I have found someone and every time I've been hesitant to give in my full self and unsure if I can just comfortably bring down every wall I eventually realise that I can and that everything so far has been great and that upholding such a wall just stops me from enjoying them completely so I decide that maybe this is finally it, and that I can. but every time I have it ends up flipping around, it ends up hurting me when these people turn around to do the most awful things when I just finally trusted that maybe this was the end of it all but everytime this happens It just adds to this collection of wrong doings done to me, it changes my view on the world every day, and I struggle to maintain hope

and it's not like in these moments I could reasonably say that these people would do me any wrong, it's not like I can just be careful, it's not like I instantly just bring down the wall as soon as I know someone, it's people I come to know overtime and grow a connection with ",6.0923277591973255,5.841758921739133,6.54739130434783,79.63295986622077,66.30434782608695,10.033444816053512,32.04013377926422,9.661875296680813,2.7582842809364547,912,33,184,17,13,297,117,230,0.157,0.7390000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.8585,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,14,15,0,1,7,1,21,0,0,1,2,45,34,20,0,6,15,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,27,14,0,1,7,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,5,2,25,10,24,26,4,35,0,1,1,0,5,16,0,6,18,138,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456828977677894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874702539262213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523011745245664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155627594938974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179927556309947,0.0,0.1159990961808162,0.09445697036404796,0.1149698391560239,0.0,0.0,0.08754957280444085,0.0,0.0,0.07071757796506856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221382650412287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913619468776105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619399420719597,0.0,0.098549693010761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402405808264097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022964415576752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037967993165407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089361339623378,0.0,0.0,0.09696642244667314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891088581576384,0.0,0.0,0.11738657515722298,0.0,0.0,0.1144499947345719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807884504354035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071380628550244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032380037534008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457170879063572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280602482420968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127422869469112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872010393109418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439274453314767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581848220878106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167541987687697,0.0,0.11463387650451135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284905914793062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181989780713066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927175948644735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789485655915117,0.2397782581507505,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdcandy,2019/02/01,"does anyone else get really irritated when someone is asking too many questions? i've noticed that i get very irritated and snappish when people ask me questions. in my mind, they're asking too many and it's overwhelming, even if they've really only asked a few

​

example:

person: ""how was your day""

me: ""alright yeah""

person: ""what did you do? who did you talk to?""

me: ""please Fucking Stop""

​

i've no idea if it's a BPD thing or just me but it really overwhelms and frustrates me, even though i know the other person isn't doing anything wrong?? i just really cannot handle any sort of questioning ??? can anyone relate",3.887746371275785,6.31772518487395,4.891275783040489,79.26294881589001,74.46218487394958,7.35248281130634,25.10389610389611,8.296473431620573,1.9143882352941173,503,17,85,9,11,164,81,119,0.14400000000000002,0.789,0.066,-0.8571,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,0,10,6,2,2,3,2,9,1,0,1,0,18,17,11,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,12,1,3,14,1,5,0,2,0,1,15,1,1,7,4,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391161565606605,0.2681609735350731,0.07503795514752995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431069761431154,0.11306084647397124,0.09080401417051877,0.0,0.4126283604484143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897487063056896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116298978251809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656310137002902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217856165896443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576283077914312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201159156156073,0.1153007575631602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456536203234568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060642379737076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237437429320225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114163575776924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562779606322302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392186533245809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649889217768703,0.28904534186880565,0.0,0.12112498194758095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708328420942101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827577145903888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349442621860078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225283381776417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886906244547918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330789601378873,0.0,0.10841278281060204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104566105641496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064424592765605,0.2681609735350731,0.0
bpd,ankzz,2019/02/01,"How to deal with the painful constant feeling that you’re a fucked up person It just always makes me second guess my actions, my thought patterns, my bahaviours... I’m thinking “is this normal?” or if i embarrass myself or do something out of place i just feel so fucked up in the worst sense.... even small things trigger me. Any advice? Or thoughts?",2.48696153846154,5.3435180615384645,2.2833653846153865,93.16350961538464,83.76923076923076,3.865384615384616,26.586538461538463,5.148860815047168,0.6602692307692308,274,12,50,1,8,81,54,65,0.25,0.7290000000000001,0.02,-0.9586,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,3,0,2,3,0,3,0,18,12,6,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,2,8,0,7,10,1,8,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,5,1,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254381316783469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196152958230991,0.0,0.0,0.15688444111389702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493055846655459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784237360767485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237568905632792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332984917768378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265583063346948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414291803417616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399456172447706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603778147793135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454818949821383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014390220989187,0.2410332123997268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760473106478936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326734680799065,0.14782374420222832,0.0,0.36630129876155615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KK_Leme,2019/02/01,"[Need for support] Feeling devastated and heartbroken Hi, last night was rough. I was on a party and the one girl I liked for half a year said, that she just doesn’t have romantic feelings for me. 
It hurt, but more crushing was this built up anger when guys flirted with her, danced, almost kissed (maybe they did, I couldn't stand to be there anymore).


I feel like my feelings don't have a right to be as nothing reacts to it. Why do I still live? Just to suffer? What is the reason of living, when there is just pain? When a human has the right to be loved, then I'm no human. I don't experience this kind of love, even when I try. This is what life has taught me. I just want the pain to stop, I just long for love and appreciation, like the kid I was in my childhood. I just want to be human. And still I feel like that this is too much to ask. At least that's how life is responding to it.


Sorry for talking so much about my pain. I just want to see if somebody can relate to it.",1.6110298102981062,3.25634948780488,2.838983739837399,94.99332655826557,78.51219512195122,5.726287262872631,19.68157181571816,6.42735559955562,-0.1522411924119247,755,17,177,6,18,243,114,205,0.17600000000000002,0.638,0.18600000000000005,-0.165,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,0,20,17,1,0,9,0,24,9,0,3,0,29,42,14,0,6,9,0,6,4,0,0,5,1,0,6,13,5,0,1,6,1,0,1,5,6,0,2,7,8,21,11,25,30,4,21,0,2,1,4,17,6,0,2,17,125,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274540084663298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156566659102575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459504103828555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096243097222024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990601638740715,0.0,0.0,0.3098987304566501,0.17514126498688168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137271801836315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122361008316374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276474139204435,0.0,0.09991843982940854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316268253534176,0.2395440969036821,0.0,0.21647942674342568,0.10847876874931986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33189764574046937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314732086599878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802196889249612,0.09089095216903714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503231160864733,0.0,0.1176180853433241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306286439892582,0.0,0.39129885680269183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126031872745163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093639998744093,0.11660092619870745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767978271545276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721742181661564,0.0,0.0,0.1957838764533181,0.10248173214033324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910146724639413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098524548705892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322325664469049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690123239856784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060869678625923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893701069071896
bpd,annabobanna17,2019/02/01,i always praised myself for being able to make friends so easily but now i realize it’s cause i have a personality disorder smh ,2.3302666666666667,5.1089025600000015,5.596,69.78466666666668,83.4,9.733333333333334,28.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.853933333333334,104,5,18,4,3,38,23,25,0.235,0.541,0.22399999999999998,-0.3164,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.4128830706772776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435517901766764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241446474617682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731997695078726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189924362045247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756026557666699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605135716729573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CutePop8,2019/02/01,"making a new personality so ive been on the internet since i was around 6 and whenever i make a new profile somewhere i always make a new personality for myself. only 3 of my irl friends know about it, and they dont really comment about it (which i appreciate). i dont know why i do it but i feel this imense need to not be myself when im online, which is odd because my personality irl consists of 'im gay, look at all these characters i kin, look at all my childhood trauma, im a gemini funnyman and im mentally ill'. idk why im posting this, but im hoping other people can relate.",1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,4.716443089430896,79.50442073170734,81.1951219512195,7.677235772357725,24.071138211382113,8.59863814320734,1.8628650406504068,456,17,94,11,12,170,75,123,0.07400000000000001,0.846,0.08,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,3,2,17,19,7,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,15,2,10,16,2,10,0,0,2,1,7,4,0,1,5,57,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167434250144542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807901919369356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716159626814386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25824832388430713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055707739688149016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512085422970793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942853489731437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7140467868880133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109848713664875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850383350290522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206278032729949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110303855135197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169329212771659,0.0,0.31922281410358705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379297591476963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638140315825766,0.2886014183972355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551709878483516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058086195572225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113781557154747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883142079138866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candycornday,2019/02/01,"Feeling ugly and lonely at work? I started working at this pizza place because it fits into my schedule. The job itself is very easy and chill... but I just have this enormous urge to quit because I have no friends there. Everyone else knows each other and is friends, and then there's just me. I also end up feeling ugly because of the lack of attention and start to doubt my looks. I just hate how vapid and self-absorbed I feel as a result of these feelings. 
I know the solution would be to try and make friends with these people, but for some reason, I just have bad anxiety at the thought of doing so. For one, I am 25, and most of the people I work with are 20 and under, minus a few. For some reason, younger people intimidate me and remind me of my own inadequacies and sadness at not having a better job at my age.
Idk, anyone else have similar feelings? More importantly, how do I let go of the feeling that I'm being judged by everyone (for not talking enough, not being as young as everyone else, ect)?",4.398801148600147,5.4893478643216085,5.489249820531229,81.02458542713569,70.356783919598,7.695764536970568,29.289662598707825,7.957251820313856,1.9644426417803311,791,30,150,10,14,262,115,199,0.193,0.695,0.11199999999999999,-0.9608,2,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,5,10,9,1,1,9,0,16,1,0,6,0,46,32,21,0,2,9,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,15,1,0,12,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,7,18,4,28,26,9,19,0,2,1,0,4,11,0,4,7,117,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615002276940983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197766346758493,0.0,0.0,0.08406947842093232,0.12319257886647425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003892573377051,0.21987815903932592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633602602096934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30131690362634345,0.0,0.10649045868313724,0.1242324883405742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446624059618893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647595032723221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786743878027879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833099713056037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870486978989934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23862474556236996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215346216482307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229460510994814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096516143802103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025624085472681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147276884581771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500625840432009,0.0,0.1256175499427799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788224428922215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472384189896771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254288965930911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020260533673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663846582272996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545130986964576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163009065813913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920454454340967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625924471979018,0.0,0.0,0.08540983913241366,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyslug,2019/02/01,"Just need to vent I guess. i went no-contact with my ex best friend after finding out she had been talking to people that i absolutely cannot condone her hanging around with. it’s so disgusting i won’t even specify here. but we were best friends for 7 years, meeting at such a fragile point of our lives. i miss her so much but she had become a different person by the time we cut things off, so it’s not even her that i miss, it’s someone from like 2-3 years ago who doesn’t exist anymore. i have felt painfully alone since.

i also recently posted here about having issues with my SO that i’m realizing now are issues i have just with myself. he’s not doing anything wrong, if anything he’s the stable, levelheaded person i need in my life and i’m just so out of touch with reality that i can’t fathom someone actually caring about me that way. 

i have just been projecting onto him the sadness and anger that i’ve just been carrying for the past few months. for background, a few months ago, a friend of mine committed suicide. we were really close friends back in high school and even dated for a while. we told each other things no one else has ever understood. i loved him so much, but i didn’t treat him as well as i could have because i was a dumb teenager who quite honestly was not ready to be in a relationship. we had fallen out of contact but we were still friendly. he didn’t even leave a note, he was just suddenly gone. i don’t know how to handle the grief. i had my “final” therapy session today and she basically deemed me stable enough to discontinue treatment but i am not stable at all.

i’m already looking for a new therapist. my third in like 6 fucking months. my friend group can’t handle losing another friend, i’m not going to kill myself. but i’m so tired and i’m so sad. i just needed to get this out to people who would “get it.” thanks for listening. love you all so much. ",2.9118068181818195,4.6179592155844205,4.304265422077922,85.6321124188312,75.02597402597402,7.2021103896103895,24.75852272727273,7.972316293177498,1.3528068181818176,1498,49,305,23,32,496,199,385,0.14400000000000002,0.65,0.20600000000000002,0.9846,1,1,0,0,0,2,36.0,7,1,0,4,33,32,6,0,14,0,33,6,0,1,4,58,61,26,3,6,19,1,3,2,7,2,3,1,0,2,17,23,0,0,5,0,0,5,14,14,1,2,20,5,48,18,43,37,11,44,0,6,1,3,43,16,2,2,23,217,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0844018475053608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333648529588653,0.0,0.0,0.08957764495983278,0.09544396051627436,0.06916609045592921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069239628838896,0.0,0.0,0.08577492464547266,0.0,0.0,0.1423479425455401,0.07699451342485805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665055373520416,0.0,0.052723553600085314,0.09552150470901426,0.0,0.0,0.1815320183010631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818240684948328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905529583849858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036373130177526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225136861416921,0.0,0.0,0.08936737900454343,0.0,0.22850354415015844,0.07823523435839537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304404593233915,0.09474566151474667,0.07905037162367418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677541807944822,0.07995869074309442,0.09037500028488116,0.0,0.04915430898867991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527858061072507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913815244014027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054635772499344,0.0,0.0,0.0956884654894532,0.0,0.047532689306156034,0.0,0.0,0.09158051279841242,0.0,0.0,0.06109050549546088,0.08450937438736486,0.0,0.07637233043224734,0.0,0.07262988908143474,0.09676028282850786,0.0,0.0,0.15612135866822205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071066842345508,0.0,0.19074049446676056,0.1923939083758527,0.0,0.08353266392778114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586079205950814,0.0,0.09203154941497887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256457356034767,0.1199226709081142,0.1510396138806943,0.0,0.0,0.08176108725330936,0.0,0.08283359423585518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199285264266888,0.0,0.0,0.05540776374053846,0.0,0.0853985255965256,0.09285798425856558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753258442839529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154549283040698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656553824483404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690710943332318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460611607889156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951745486995055,0.0,0.079628450798382,0.09890895092625886,0.10042165596678126,0.11492033986855635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043306463021398,0.09940763055038183,0.08198248842440563,0.08264498354025215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865180441493159,0.0,0.0,0.07776497427675938,0.08017717614764319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144007551018854,0.0945633315037722,0.0,0.1113935592771245
bpd,Nahr_Fire,2019/02/01,"lol, friends started hanging out with someone who is fucking my ex and makes me want to kill myself. yesterday i was weirded out because one of my friends was being unusually attentive and nice to me, thought about making a post because it was making me anxious since it's not their usual behaviour. yeah, find out the next day him and the rest of my mates were breaking bread with the guy who abused me relentlessly. lol guess my mate was feeling guilty over it so he gave me attention. I'd convinced myself i was just being paranoid like normal but then bam lol my paranoia is validated again.

 i don't want this guy in my life but i want to keep my current friends, i just dont know what to do.",5.227388483373887,6.032421795620444,5.505790754257909,82.70123276561235,68.27007299270073,8.132684509326845,33.47039740470397,8.167268648758528,2.4478197891321973,554,25,108,7,9,176,88,137,0.083,0.711,0.20600000000000002,0.9221,1,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,4,4,13,3,0,3,0,28,27,7,1,4,5,1,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,7,8,1,1,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,8,1,21,6,14,17,1,16,0,0,0,1,14,5,1,1,9,72,28,0,0.0,0.19797453329686865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887643361920967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037132382822048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775933914726966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582843940078154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448581242728535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527173918607444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387280361635169,0.1544721733253462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406866447552472,0.3308910841028319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851742390166509,0.1848605209634425,0.0,0.09182838979582084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802073127670425,0.08163181892212902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346019656857774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770229555083372,0.0,0.1637128938295194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322462616965025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002619861640854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821871852123116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157496212651516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826728510247235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326509339316369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840262202407892,0.0,0.2956623411891617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,derOhrenarzt,2019/02/01,In my relationships... I feel like I lose all sense of self and merge my identity with that of the person I am seeing,8.42875,5.260827708333338,9.011666666666667,73.20000000000003,63.58333333333334,12.933333333333335,32.333333333333336,11.20814326018867,3.106133333333333,91,2,20,2,1,31,20,24,0.11199999999999999,0.785,0.10300000000000001,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,4,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082583618744866,0.29424638888521976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122323970298786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607871665475443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596367935378509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422038279244738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282141799451738,0.0,0.42967954998062896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ASwingAndAMistake,2019/02/01,"Overwhelming Loneliness I feel so alone that I could die. I've isolated myself from most of my friends, and have been ghosted by others (including my FP). I wanted isolation and actively worked  on isolating myself from others because my emotions were becoming too dependent on the people in my life, but now thats they're gone, I miss them so goddamn much. I wish I was able to live my life without needing anyone else and am desperately trying to reach that level of detachment. I hope I'm able to reach it before I decide to off myself. Killing myself just seems like the perfect solution rn.",5.747770270270273,7.334247234234233,6.405033783783788,73.85457770270273,67.64864864864866,9.874324324324323,32.79391891891892,10.125756701596842,3.6632783783783776,477,21,79,12,8,156,79,111,0.19399999999999998,0.615,0.191,-0.0794,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,1,1,2,0,6,2,0,1,1,17,15,6,3,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,1,18,4,14,10,2,7,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,4,2,57,24,1,0.4026522072905496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851312660046775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077189273384486,0.20628238480279507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272652414082467,0.22234886408756346,0.17131368583393533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074251170660034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894471029123848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818212599425605,0.22646476884820715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179652717562404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554404826534626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999622474151996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227375047396434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844051618497783,0.09835776486678376,0.0,0.17777463798398208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799785105765864,0.1492807548591748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957417094712898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327972347900973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668720898261705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874735210946473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151508344588015,0.19407117957528247,0.0,0.1465678012360819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Flaechezinker,2019/02/01,Being locked uo Im currently in a psychiatric ward (not sure if thats the proper word) and am now in an open section/station again meaning I can walk out if I wanted to. Before yesterday I was locked in for a week because I said I want to ho home to kms. Yeah I understand that the doctors were worried about me and they put me in there to protect me. The feeling of being locked up for an unknown amount of time was horrible... patients yelling at each other all day and sometimes even in the night... anyone else been locked up like that before?,3.9200229357798166,5.1694514036697266,4.663199541284404,85.89736811926608,71.66055045871559,7.2848623853211025,29.22133027522936,7.645422480735847,1.7635587155963304,429,17,85,5,8,138,75,109,0.021,0.862,0.11699999999999999,0.802,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,8,1,8,2,0,0,2,17,14,5,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,10,2,18,7,3,20,0,0,0,1,2,10,0,2,9,60,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476967708830608,0.2267942659924077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349299504508186,0.0,0.3766968437009736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274931186957796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655614267725105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849054724395115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461963856034897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119187597304674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202723523648732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909074760944615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108138060886495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110976051713334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771743119433908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251301410200905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054992746103807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21891601550320375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861518662349315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290681383742444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304281098031059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611102114798037,0.0,0.17754972992046125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478674661025955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rivetingrosies,2019/02/01,"Intimacy freaks me tf out Is an unexplainable fear of intimacy and close relationships a common aspect of BPD? I can’t share anything with anyone and when people I was attracted to express interest in me, I’m immediately freaked out and don’t want it anymore. I know I’m being irrational but I can’t stop feeling that way. ",6.2235483870967725,7.137451516129032,8.155000000000005,64.20250000000003,66.09677419354838,11.361290322580645,36.467741935483865,11.20814326018867,4.55950322580645,262,13,45,8,4,93,47,62,0.157,0.7020000000000001,0.14,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,12,11,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,6,3,7,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33299002835182623,0.23477566162256006,0.0,0.27630712367268395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228860047376966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377830528957714,0.16977357165838608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452842278924544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23277813271636266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604874377769008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807157304188471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980437118234748,0.2665157258140325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notkaina,2019/02/01,"i had a mental breakdown i cut off almost all of my hair and i relapsed (self harm) and cant stop binge eating. i’ve been having really bad nightmares and can’t get out of bed to go to school. my doctor had to double my dosage for antidepressants. i’m not even sad anymore, i’m so empty. ",-0.2445491803278692,2.0068719836065583,2.278831967213115,92.3054610655738,91.45901639344262,4.361475409836066,15.821721311475413,5.985473137389443,-0.4756737704918033,225,5,48,2,8,77,46,61,0.138,0.787,0.07400000000000001,-0.5882,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,8,10,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,8,7,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,29,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31590235453016235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31286614440338234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634082077077309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229017362453235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228093894291713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836807241818286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482251664139333,0.0,0.17929154933874392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31792430994616394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021011791402463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192772516323167,0.0,0.0,0.3291089278128902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263750985830511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,johnnynix18,2019/02/01,I recently found out my ex has BPD. I'm the only person she will open up and listen to. How can I help her? I found out recently my ex has BPD and recently had a manic episode. Her behaviour was taking a toll on all aspects of my life and I ended things as politely as I could because I realized she wasn't the girl I spent the last year dating. Now that I'm more educated on mental health I can't help but feel guilty for not recognizing the signs and helping her. She hasn't left the house in almost a week. She's had very little to no contact with friends or family. Her bestfriend actually reached out to me to see if I could get through to her. She's told me in the past about her depression and anxiety but I honestly couldn't tell until the last few months of our relationship. She was a casual drinker and drug user around me but has ramped up her alcohol and drug abuse the last couple months together and since we broke up. I feel like only have one chance to get this right l. What can I do to help her? ,3.5352857142857133,4.513250528571433,4.872857142857146,85.06214285714287,72.28571428571428,8.838095238095239,25.904761904761905,9.21078282632365,1.8668476190476189,801,25,174,17,15,267,120,210,0.10400000000000001,0.769,0.127,0.2575,0,0,4,0,1,0,13.0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,12,0,18,5,0,1,1,33,31,17,0,4,6,2,2,1,1,1,5,1,0,2,4,15,1,0,5,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,9,4,34,4,27,18,3,30,0,2,1,0,30,15,0,3,16,116,38,0,0.0,0.1366715413931058,0.11256549885180986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327465932560565,0.1155069150822561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824285625139558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268644666778222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031662561482184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905599634243222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419605859756047,0.12763319135114531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935126107472296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675400369766324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216635086662093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087422341193583,0.0,0.11664940957806053,0.08240645711652986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529518519701593,0.08911955003254146,0.0,0.12053180459294995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261224232380374,0.0,0.0,0.30926817302894577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309904929354188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820782855794535,0.0,0.0,0.12532871183271044,0.0,0.08147550592146709,0.05635445293400645,0.11561155638794132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624622528107866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414341956930694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816451906498344,0.17545858478486925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011515369633564,0.0,0.10071965238548378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416842611545224,0.12384332368761293,0.0,0.09850874080810106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191945514491774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541916828943614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672925925556947,0.0,0.1008214663863256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663378094124032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102223953002595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517628556322716,0.0,0.0,0.09252725466152473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428197331884086
bpd,the-ohno,2019/02/01,"It's time to stop Somewhat recently had a nasty breakup, where my ex gf very much triggered my abandonment fears and ignored my boundaries. I was finally doing better until I saw her take to social media and call me abusive, manipulative, etc.
I kept checking her page over and over again, even though it just made me feel worse every time.

But today that stops. I'm not going to check her page another time. I won't craft messages I want to sent her but know I shouldn't. I won't use mutual friends to check and see if she's ok. I'm going to move on with my life. I'm going to finish undergrad and start my dream PhD program in the fall. I'm going to let myself be happy.",2.9318577075098844,4.422826072463772,4.352002635046116,86.20571146245062,74.5072463768116,7.047167325428196,24.13965744400527,7.686295010490155,1.1250637681159423,530,16,109,7,11,176,92,138,0.14300000000000002,0.769,0.08800000000000001,-0.3839,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,2,1,8,1,0,4,0,25,27,10,0,3,5,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,5,2,1,3,7,4,3,0,0,6,3,20,4,14,16,5,24,0,1,2,0,12,5,0,2,12,64,23,3,0.0,0.20027869988838046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724781707344886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949762076558254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260351850067698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885185809665957,0.11164594842486074,0.0,0.1424191824156179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902112419745681,0.08546911761916967,0.0,0.0,0.18516945596263545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305959341148927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842656859696516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994078002748476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928971530574196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172849624061291,0.11939433939480396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994489683868407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965733348590648,0.12426009108943685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690155804399126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469891963771374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230977987216586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964376278707076,0.0,0.0,0.2826414682374321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709319810791234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607591789442686,0.0,0.2956968052405747,0.0,0.16022530781156089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459918695289117,0.0,0.13947148424982872,0.09970115568774633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226099054844052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cassady211,2019/02/01,"Advice? Hi everyone, I have always been told I have depression by mental health professionals, but recently learned about BPD in my psychology class. Anytime I read the symptoms, or stories about experiences people have with the disorder, it just clicks. I think ""this sounds exactly like me"". I'm seeing a new therapist soon and I was just wondering if there's any advice to see if I may have the disorder? I don't want to self-diagnose but I want to be sure I'm receiving the right diagnosis. ",4.542282608695653,6.871401489130437,5.953695652173913,72.86032608695655,72.15217391304348,10.686956521739132,31.06521739130435,10.686352973137794,4.077473913043479,395,18,69,14,8,133,67,92,0.139,0.792,0.069,-0.6458,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,2,17,18,6,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,4,10,2,8,13,0,6,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,5,4,44,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412737894820411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529804285460227,0.0,0.0,0.11874776314705918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992810156654727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040017199132946,0.17723588572940638,0.0,0.0,0.4002598871825675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685713931690585,0.0,0.17081211892639533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561316821004506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531063745005903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597614853089386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168649332911072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105969987412993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466751231470448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241643802830076,0.0,0.0,0.14912474587559238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782994742814033,0.0,0.1821670119326564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457752623559244,0.18149730854166515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274757792071654,0.0,0.11188961020866167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685713931690585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599110436650786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936822055818744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,t0tem0fskulls,2019/02/01,"I just want to hear someone's voice Anyone have whatsapp and would like to talk on the phone? It would mean a great deal to me. Preferably someone else that is feeling somewhat damaged and hopeless too. I'm feeling really down and really impulsive tonight and a distraction would be amazing right now. I'm a good listener and if you want you can just vent to me or tell me your life story, I don't care what we talk about. I just need someone to talk tonight.

By the way, there's free phone apps that you can use to to get a fake number if you're not comfortable sharing your real number. Pm me if you want, we can just message for a bit first if that's better. ",3.56688888888889,4.786523948148152,4.1846296296296295,89.10583333333336,72.48148148148148,7.177777777777778,27.574074074074076,7.554174236665415,1.4031629629629627,523,19,110,6,10,166,81,135,0.127,0.677,0.196,0.7426,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,2,6,0,2,8,13,0,1,7,0,10,1,0,1,0,31,24,10,0,12,10,0,2,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,5,15,10,12,20,2,8,0,2,0,0,19,3,0,6,5,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239813571968403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216777966378893,0.17549424041709974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389241936602642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657232398228892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342836063081688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625571647162692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673143258065024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398374446830659,0.0,0.0,0.13482707188597626,0.0,0.17722428598588774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117370610022912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354045669261845,0.07853293146724591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751007567876672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191919652364266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829654338876602,0.20595746420480596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372771766565936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086015825066553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876073790858946,0.14050008292009586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883391477136636,0.0,0.0,0.2844384785815371,0.12759359515567953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425704621076065,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kbat420,2019/02/01,"finally called to set up a therapy appointment I have been needing to do this for years. After an insane episode this morning I finally decided to take the step to get a counselor. 

I started with emailing the clinic that I’ve been to before, years ago. They said I needed to call. When I was at work I went somewhere private and made that phone call. I was sweating. 

Since I already have a file it wasn’t too bad. She updated my information and asked me the standard questions. Do I have suicidal thoughts? Have I ever been hospitalized for mental illness? Have I ever been to the ER for mental illness? Do I use any substances, including alcohol? Yes to all of the above baby!

She asked why I was seeking their services. There was so much I could say and all I came up with was, “i am an emotional train wreck who should have been in therapy consistently starting two years ago”. I have the money to do it (god bless my mothers insurance), I just needed to finally take the first step. 

I did go to therapy for most of my teenage years. I’m 23 now. So it’s been a long time. 

I am going to the clinic to get a screening on Monday. She told me it would take two hours. I told her I was looking for someone who specializes in DBT and eating disorders, if possible. She gave me a name off the top of her head. That made me feel good. Must mean there are several people for DBT. The person she recommended was a man. And the person I was recommended to years ago was a woman. 

I’m just rambling at this point. Just needed to share. ",2.178200883002205,4.4484812350993375,3.808847682119204,85.68488300220751,79.36423841059602,7.0730242825607075,25.960706401766004,8.131152278815165,1.7879148785871968,1191,48,236,23,30,396,154,302,0.07,0.8690000000000001,0.061,-0.7685,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,3,12,5,0,0,21,1,35,8,2,3,5,36,65,9,1,9,4,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,4,12,8,2,0,6,0,1,6,1,1,1,3,26,5,39,4,35,35,4,41,1,0,2,0,32,10,0,3,24,167,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971428367583855,0.09633356073847996,0.0,0.0,0.09947308836160597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129912719898354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853976299931184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526416151003898,0.0,0.0,0.07670354716996103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276132821430051,0.10309755275896272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197043697289299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330965858560948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223698165818824,0.0,0.10139675061641716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307580570269062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455781141240672,0.0,0.0,0.2962359328580521,0.0,0.07667408384472599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419014404253756,0.0,0.10245867616842902,0.07560618666250413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092510907309702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887709535829799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977215161238645,0.07569593021089371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058762193282884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819022483578163,0.0,0.0,0.18168231597631795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662641755350365,0.26735431827688605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249257876179911,0.1574156895458599,0.0,0.0,0.08521259818742158,0.10162069239958804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009788069357761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574495147859329,0.07168392377787322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183393176128823,0.0,0.07456575661463892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076376371316385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276048525232198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859987466319864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332495932270706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30925305578336304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156206742527163,0.05256207587333351,0.0,0.0,0.17226761559085138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610976656249064,0.0,0.0,0.07785308045677365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356182292077709,0.08133843913800205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562388872192669,0.0,0.0,0.06403374322596997,0.0,0.0,0.2902399823139624
bpd,MercedesFamous,2019/02/01,"Using Up My Reach Outs IDk why but when I feel like I’ve leaned on someone too much (or even just once) I retreat and feel like I can never go back to them for anything. Even if I’m drowning. I feel bad for putting people through my shit and once I’ve gone to someone, I don’t wanna do it again, afraid it’s going to make me seem weak or crazy and they’ll eventually get sick of my shit and dip.",3.9444827586206905,3.314801839080463,4.759218390804596,91.93262068965521,70.83908045977013,7.419770114942527,26.59540229885057,5.6839178017228535,0.5927857471264361,308,8,76,1,5,100,61,87,0.266,0.638,0.096,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,2,1,0,0,4,4,2,2,1,18,15,9,1,2,5,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,1,3,11,2,11,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,4,6,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647884945119078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621510899114454,0.1587689321452972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511871337564088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884396117683218,0.27168917624040595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934654348238996,0.0,0.21613546577692894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579727160783052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269279004190314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978355937417822,0.0,0.1466569031468102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050112329163976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182741690005156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115522591431588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310718990798046,0.0,0.0,0.3903764797473347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222302533302712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423022857559044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715825549000944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkalligator333,2019/02/01,Does anyone else want an SO who can take care of them? I guess like in a protective manner ,0.9205263157894772,3.0568202631578965,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.21052631578947,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.3392315789473685,71,1,16,1,2,23,19,19,0.0,0.667,0.33299999999999996,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27623321029599224,0.4047828318208686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027871890825859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34571725615874044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300196344282648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352000930239681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930050141334628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970338817414884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330149978828809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,windowpaneveins,2019/02/01,"Breakup I am going through a breakup right now (1year+history/friendship before that) and i seem to be having a hard time rapping my head around everything, so far i feel like i’ve been doing pretty good but the feeling of not having attention 24/7 has me feeling really really fucking bad",8.287295597484274,8.595481754716984,7.775471698113207,70.78257861635221,61.64150943396226,10.840251572327047,38.42138364779875,10.504223727775694,4.31339496855346,235,11,37,5,3,74,45,53,0.129,0.701,0.17,-0.1952,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,7,2,1,0,0,9,13,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,5,2,4,11,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347297027681749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016047237583447,0.0,0.0,0.22437092022327607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369771677665886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39997120545410825,0.1883719206656542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24376645655636306,0.0,0.0,0.1498545263221674,0.2211609541140267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620407853397385,0.0,0.2706101369441866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881996033672016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268255753982149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33783830393470216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517993562248306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400429365294005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375301101021413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dreamyprime,2019/02/01,"Does anybody else have a hard time understanding jokes when you're passing through a hard time? When I'm having super intense days full of mood swings and etcetera I happen to be so stressed out and tired of having so much feelings that I become kinda numb and can't understand jokes and I feel super stupid. Last time I didn't get a joke, asked my friends to explain and I still couldn't get it. They thought I was playing a joke of them by telling them over and over that I didn't understand but I really couln't get it, these days it's happening to me a lot and I feel horrible when this happens.",2.295964187327826,4.589949057851238,2.873078512396696,92.42355716253445,79.08264462809917,6.0168044077135,25.78581267217631,7.1686216300943375,1.1045696969696968,480,19,100,6,12,149,74,121,0.156,0.735,0.109,-0.6485,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,2,6,12,1,1,5,0,9,2,0,0,0,20,25,13,0,1,1,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,5,14,8,11,19,3,15,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,10,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664597885327352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732431533269196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023276593677088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727210127900166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103913060242112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379443417172957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119217030095175,0.0,0.2458637467914053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161410045870088,0.0,0.2810373507457675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786449816253534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335953938582382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531254952910128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049062500057113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527120696519953,0.0,0.17968634137377754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710540863168233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453191151557233,0.2744046958355993,0.18029124890534087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899005763850934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iLok_hart,2019/02/01,"Community for BPD Hi all! Join us on the Discord BPDays, for more support, references, and community. We welcome pwBPD and folks who have BPD in their lives. We also have special channels for minors so they can have peer support and moderators looking out for them. 



https://discord.gg/CrDGKj",6.6256249999999985,10.148951979166668,5.853999999999999,70.19100000000002,70.875,8.006666666666666,34.6,8.841846274778883,3.7401199999999997,237,12,33,5,5,72,37,48,0.046,0.713,0.24100000000000002,0.888,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,7,7,2,3,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,0,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601979922208868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6489304546237534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274844808786761,0.0,0.2163371540511445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5846915901807583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098869124351745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StrongThanks4,2019/02/01,"DBT is just about tricking you into believing your shitty life is good enough I don’t need DBT, I need a GIRLFRIEND NOW",3.41,5.2529933333333325,3.84,88.905,74.0,6.466666666666668,24.5,7.1686216300943375,0.9701499999999994,96,3,19,1,2,30,20,24,0.146,0.691,0.163,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703143287274586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313293073384092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501306513962537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948517200999123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6190560967566398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,roh1111,2019/02/01,"Topimirate/topimax anger Did anyone else get angry or irritated on this? It seems to be prescribed exactly to help but Im finding I am just so off lately and this is the new medication. One post elsewhere online states it caused rage, was wondering if this is actually the case? ",3.1925641025641016,6.113868000000004,5.036153846153848,74.39217948717952,80.53846153846153,8.851282051282054,27.89743589743589,9.2995712137729,3.2834897435897434,224,10,38,7,6,76,45,52,0.204,0.764,0.032,-0.8723,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,10,9,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,2,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.264909473268099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981377472058045,0.27814670498046085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788680624188533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267731402593189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24811296111906705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182861175255398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195643792140506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932274471220923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062229484449376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734711814751155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621813936049698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839508711369791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599872451433021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247130414088202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943908707698147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,andheismanaging,2019/05/08,Bpd?ing I feel a strong 7 symptoms. I feel I've had it all my life but didn't realise. I started questioning because I am hurting my best friend at can't stand it anymore niver of us deserve this and I'm fed up with it hurting her its breaking me and that's hurting me. It just makes me doubt everything and anything and omg I'm so done with it.,-0.2902702702702697,1.9722551081081119,1.6473513513513502,96.43210810810814,92.5135135135135,4.0410810810810815,26.318918918918918,5.6839178017228535,0.6876854054054058,274,14,60,2,10,90,52,74,0.17,0.662,0.168,-0.0531,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,14,12,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,2,11,3,5,8,2,5,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,39,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355836548999284,0.0,0.0,0.16890784011293766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251218865888431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540305096271672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585121973143517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100477049931942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844704658024796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756676060981336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857993944564278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6591909787840593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449780748512707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370096826826169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299332064162249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452809445134089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333912175634165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468971708194037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,poisonivyirl,2019/05/08,"Less important than his beard Fuck fear of abandonment. Had a date with a guy that went really well and I was excited to have a second date. He said he “was excited at the prospect of us”. That was over two weeks ago. Since then it’s been like pulling teeth to even try have him actually commit to a second date or even have a phone call (busy with work which I get. I mean I think at this point it was bs but I was telling myself it was my BPD talking and he was assuring me he was still interested). 

Thought I had gotten him to commit to tonight, but then he tells me he’s not coming because he’s bummed about his barber taking off too much of his beard. Wtf. Then he tried turning it around on me saying I wasn’t being understanding of his feelings. And I get being upset...but come on! 

Logically I know to move on, stop wasting any energy, and that I probably dodged a bullet in the end. But here I am crying, ranting on reddit because I’m hurt over a mostly random guy who clearly doesn’t think much of me. 

Fuck. This. BPD. Shit.",1.5409185285488651,3.659230710900477,3.1484766418415724,90.38548183254343,80.75355450236967,6.293929135635297,20.94809298126834,7.447530270364453,0.6381372602121421,804,23,173,12,21,265,121,211,0.163,0.732,0.105,-0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,8,12,3,1,9,0,19,4,2,0,4,30,38,11,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,11,9,0,2,8,0,0,5,3,6,1,3,16,3,24,6,26,20,4,29,0,2,0,2,25,12,3,3,13,114,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.12851225279349018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673688280080988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955497667335212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172336704162627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055626384232735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317225602172453,0.0,0.13447210703692358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22688174297439884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465731792226422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663989449240113,0.0,0.0,0.1739624551948845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818994834297058,0.06658735831501207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434939940659568,0.1376071167409542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607912801851957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097885349709974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237439895707458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643379878858631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434510358716076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996759966622774,0.19361733080002172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449136866465545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419860923065182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436517387956223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526911035122312,0.10472664808004377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351797957395375,0.10893686255235244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516928477319767,0.11010028677297252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901588500680007,0.10584892390228418,0.2302089700203292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876564520744514,0.0,0.10454862200832968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788202488656983,0.1432429209597443,0.12864380585107954,0.13709586444901786,0.15840908565527914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563526180436167,0.0,0.11840679236434258,0.12207966808664547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587323820500092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leahsbian,2019/05/08,"DAE hang out in a certain location so they can “coincidentally” run into someone. I always do this for whoever I’m liking at that time. I’ll have their schedule memorized and will hang out “coincidentally” by where they have to walk by to get to their next class, or I’ll take extra time packing up so that we leave at the same time.",8.338636363636365,6.284634984848488,9.080909090909092,69.14136363636365,62.78787878787878,11.830303030303032,35.63636363636364,10.504223727775694,3.4120363636363638,263,9,53,5,3,90,48,66,0.023,0.903,0.075,0.5165,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,13,7,2,17,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,6,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979401842420171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870750756814704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791409418247483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493330632890502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808080049349079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033887587609187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692216016150569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6263747288169543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Newagetesla,2019/05/08,"Just ""broke up"" with my fp I spose it's not really breaking up because we weren't dating, but idk how else to put it. He finally did it. He told me he was only my friend out of pity and guilt. It was only a few minutes ago and im already trying to think of ways to become someone who isn't me because whoever i am obviously isn't good enough. One of the worst parts is that we had a lot of mutual friends, so now im gonna have to avoid them most of the time too. I have to change my whole before school routine. Sorry, idk what else to put. I feel like im gonna throw up.",1.871736111111112,2.3308281875000034,4.061354166666668,91.27600694444445,75.71875,7.251388888888887,22.815972222222207,7.3871296695380915,0.5888149305555559,440,11,109,5,9,153,84,128,0.15,0.743,0.107,-0.6976,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,1,0,5,9,0,2,4,0,11,0,0,1,1,17,16,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,6,1,12,4,16,8,7,14,0,2,0,0,10,4,0,3,6,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625261521721652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962028576482574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873975928871621,0.16975809509357526,0.13079394441689302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260238162895962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568061451964887,0.0,0.0,0.15882115833006985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771923913975988,0.1098088223586607,0.0,0.1683792886860402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375083987500812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892273878803756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980921259576109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509382550689138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067680271308196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415632571874303,0.2338032872921433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645047671392754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090374160033694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984690981851865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555604137146687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023604817889567,0.0,0.0,0.1720632027855086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848969737170236,0.0,0.0,0.08962820474234386,0.0,0.0,0.14687430874933782,0.0,0.1043574488935037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220060297177845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160917465731784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jkitty98,2019/05/08,"Something that has helped me manage myself (bpd): (feel free to comment your own) Has been not texting. I prefer phone calls or simply waiting to communicate anything untill it’s in person. I don’t really text people especially my fp,unless it’s for work or like replying to a funny meme or quick “on my way, ” texts, it has really helped me not over think or get overly attached therefore less fear of abandonment. I feel I have some pretty healthy boundaries right now and I just don’t allow myself to settle into a position of over analyzing every little thing down the the punctuation they’re using. I still over think or get upset at random thoughts but I’m not triggering myself in it.. not texting people and not constantly being in contact with them has also helped with splitting,i still split on people and now that I don’t text much i don’t let them know how I’m feeling when I’m splitting through texts and therefore making the relationships toxic. 
I also haven’t been acting on my hyper sexual impulses but I’m not sure if it’s a direct result of limiting my texting habits... sending you all lots of love ! Xoxo",6.008664451827244,6.940608474418608,6.754634551495018,73.98796511627906,66.5813953488372,8.933554817275748,29.77574750830565,9.04235418022936,2.600993355481728,902,31,152,15,14,298,126,215,0.04,0.8420000000000001,0.11800000000000001,0.9462,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,2,2,10,7,0,2,6,0,14,1,0,8,2,46,31,17,0,2,15,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,3,8,0,1,2,11,3,0,0,3,3,22,5,26,26,6,26,0,1,0,1,15,15,0,9,9,110,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25333992226915675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303471703472944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949537805738707,0.0,0.16174096699323526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117080092618464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345623821798086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824057398824253,0.2402707288680591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551170809513427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185103534520321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705080578277259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161971584258178,0.0,0.07738473505290755,0.15875532800596873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466339858507942,0.14295940615135622,0.0,0.10573117527237802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116439962904894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32943744462681546,0.13830608245987092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114661418979825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029462481774912,0.0,0.0,0.17005901561781098,0.0,0.13527010574936105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194168897348814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529919727149548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928722424398494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523187655082136,0.20298870340147468,0.0,0.12574946279970434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680408346173895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572810375337026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531484556713162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,s_g_m_l,2019/05/08,"DAE have zero interest in communicating with friends/family/etc? I have basically every social media account I could possibly have as well as my phone number but I barely reply to people and either get stressed out by their texts/calls or annoyed by them. However, I get mad or hurt when I'm not invited to things or don't have as good of relationships with my friends as they have with others.

​

Am I just depressed? or is this normal for BPD?",4.648205980066448,6.67774023255814,5.803754152823924,75.33476744186048,71.09302325581395,8.635215946843855,28.564784053156142,9.23628265651192,2.6951016611295686,364,14,63,8,7,121,64,86,0.239,0.6709999999999999,0.09,-0.9562,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,3,9,2,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,15,12,11,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,10,4,15,11,1,3,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,4,1,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24197703967604745,0.2713693606738886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28127524520506914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783101530480824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235306881847103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24907103557109855,0.0,0.0,0.1881644401711927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254354655435786,0.0,0.2333605256026375,0.0,0.0,0.18731789443282976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390784730478199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188151487885087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548283121802175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25177005971837263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977192746527015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276559429406753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558227856718656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836996309612407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007997257371628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713693606738886,0.0
bpd,Kavik_Ryx,2019/05/08,"Am I entitled to my mood swings and tantrums? Last night my mood was in the toilet. I was irritable, hopeless, and have had urges to hurt myself. The whole thing erupted when I had a full blown temper tantrum. I’ve been spending the whole day recovering. I know my mood takes nose dives like this from time to time and I don’t have the mental resources to deal with it short of drugging myself to sleep. But when I go down, I take others down with me as they’re forced to take care of me. I feel horribly selfish for putting people in that position. Beyond that I lose a day to recovery and need extra care. I’m trying to start therapy ASAP, but I don’t think I have the inner resources to save myself. I know my mood is my own. But can I really expect my friends, family, and loved ones to understand and be there when I take a nosedive? Should I?",2.9662656641604035,4.608547719298247,4.009828738512951,88.06907894736842,74.73099415204679,7.2248955722639945,23.910192147034248,7.957251820313856,1.1576964076858811,664,20,139,10,14,215,101,171,0.114,0.758,0.128,0.8093,0,0,1,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,17,3,0,8,0,15,4,2,0,0,20,31,13,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,7,0,1,5,2,26,6,22,24,5,20,0,3,0,1,3,8,0,0,11,96,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183738224570317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013843604821463,0.16096516707872133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106347354356625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718729094186692,0.0,0.07894499650852083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062714404828298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873337552280565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714246335546026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161205422634765,0.1272683639562847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762781758811661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467169590141468,0.0,0.0,0.14091516523025804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573442657299057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576984989689222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465192423494303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579903845198572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824222342173666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695571648299386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000221141955297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624468950400455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105109857057087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469567130695896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785504722918125,0.0,0.1037271185636387,0.10004303826433908,0.0,0.0,0.18208357129501326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600333366260543,0.0,0.0,0.1625388484261331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34863145455631017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilvrybyn,2019/05/08,"DAE fantasise about having a medical condition, so people will care about you? My FP isn't talking to me, and it's my fault. I'm trying to think of the best way to apologise -- over 30,000 words of notes at last count -- and I keep finding myself daydreaming about finding out I have early onset dementia.

The way I imagine it, I can go to her when I first find out, and ask to speak to her before I forget who she is, pull on her heartstrings a bit. If she says yes, she'll visit me and we can spend time together -- maybe she'll even take me out places. Maybe she'll bring her boyfriend, so I can finally meet him. Maybe she'll hold my hand when I get agitated or confused, so she can comfort me. Or, if she says no, that she doesn't care about me, at least I'll forget about her eventually, and it'll stop hurting.",5.672448436460414,4.856563137724553,6.273013972055888,83.13763805721894,67.32335329341318,9.817431803060547,29.932801064537593,9.150863307647796,2.1400637391882897,632,19,139,10,9,207,97,167,0.107,0.7659999999999999,0.127,0.7573,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,2,11,7,0,1,4,1,15,2,1,0,0,25,25,14,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,3,0,0,5,9,0,3,5,0,1,4,3,3,0,1,0,4,34,4,20,19,3,22,0,1,0,0,25,8,0,5,8,92,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606165794450526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294722943113213,0.0,0.1639623871870428,0.0,0.1705716859066447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185905840800237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031938798736432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115134820800282,0.4283967454582501,0.13289616181295344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162802863880245,0.0,0.08879378875132878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725626062480922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887172086973268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735501334508745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708869169417818,0.0,0.0,0.15739358340674084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831591905363278,0.0,0.16323570065524692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484938288421933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062215929955315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747170769149567,0.12557837408870864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011115156327764,0.0,0.0,0.09110377053390444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060755049688703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24802927531829735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Khaki_Sweater,2019/05/08,"I always feel like I either burn people out or I burn out by feeling certain ways about people. Which is why I'm cutting off all contact except to people that reach out to me. Now I'm just gonna wait on this social shelf that I apparently live on, and hope someone remembers me before remembering me is the only option.",3.7364062500000017,5.315221078125003,5.442625000000002,78.83987500000002,72.59375,6.995000000000001,25.3,7.554174236665415,1.44312875,255,8,46,3,5,87,47,64,0.024,0.815,0.161,0.765,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,17,9,2,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,3,11,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,2,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508154849185602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950005735001505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370903750124848,0.1674914420216919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286218863938524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114540643009478,0.0,0.20702403488978674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831012525599865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4876152475440567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311732929411151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389926997388803,0.19864909798815755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860958474358996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115550567281589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sarbearz29,2019/05/08,"When to tell I started dating this guy about 6 weeks ago, we see each other a couple times a week. How long can I hold off on telling him I have BPD?  I’ve seen a lot of posts from people who said their partners has bpd and felt like they were lied to when they were finally told. 

I’ve felt like a fraud my entire life, pretending to fit in and be who people want to be around. Dating is the same thing, trying to pretend to be normal and sane. Sure I hear voices, disassociate , and not emotionally stable at time, but how/when do I explain that to a new partner. Or should I never talk about it?",3.9487195121951215,4.360114065040651,4.892428861788621,87.37083841463415,70.95121951219512,7.450813008130081,23.50508130081301,7.1686216300943375,0.6677325203252038,462,10,102,4,8,151,88,123,0.06,0.856,0.084,0.19399999999999998,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,2,22,21,9,0,3,3,0,2,2,2,1,1,3,0,3,7,7,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,12,3,16,10,3,21,0,0,2,0,17,6,0,2,16,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274012419603674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143347571681591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056140468032815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817256940782672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811329456983972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092210547867948,0.1763964716623566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944138146294584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148837494315187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373765773741365,0.1573386604304205,0.0,0.0,0.1425032332733472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689882589827448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419343128298413,0.15552023121527936,0.0,0.0,0.15777161253074545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327076176701532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421871064821216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317291279715906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831713544386356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397526391342792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517654086808291,0.0,0.0,0.1294268630558642,0.28148821677732444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069787373424852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779149385124486,0.0,0.0,0.15386755724772666,0.0,0.10932630681688417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497750043358416,0.0,0.25833121508245105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meleque,2019/05/08,Having a favorite person (FP) Does anyone know if having a favorite person is only common for people with BPD or also with other personality disorders. I was diagnosed with an unspecified personality disorder and they said I kind of fit all of them. I also tend to have a favorite person nearly every year so I was wondering if it has anything to do with that.,5.586268656716417,7.353532402985074,7.952417910447759,61.91459701492539,68.25373134328359,9.53910447761194,29.817910447761196,9.888512548439397,3.4666740298507457,289,11,42,7,5,104,48,67,0.039,0.7979999999999999,0.163,0.818,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,11,12,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,1,10,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,4,2,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626852086372958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484037051136932,0.0,0.13515545963412018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068544291708776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667000611109163,0.0,0.0,0.3764663537465085,0.0,0.14372746038357054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837921582289442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103060228214276,0.09026196453473967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491185974511318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386328047524935,0.7170398135706973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622977404657576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811118673625195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057651233670892
bpd,peezy8i8,2019/05/08,"My FP said someone else’s name while we were having sex UPDATE I find it hilarious now, and I will be calling him any and all names now. 

Hahahahacrazybpdbrain. 
I was so upset this morning, now it’s the funniest thing.",3.220714285714287,5.600746071428574,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,76.38095238095238,7.057142857142857,24.785714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.5463142857142862,173,6,33,3,4,56,35,42,0.077,0.779,0.14400000000000002,0.4467,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010521963326662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520477216649573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36982029144661216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046211446726425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211104977608303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375099538661918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941112009260859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RedNotDead1996,2019/05/08,"Fit the criteria, getting nowhere. Sorry In Advance. 
I fit 5 or more of the criteria for BPD. I was sexually abused as a child, had a tough time growing up, parents split in a NASTY way, constant violence in which the police were ALWAYS involved along with drug use (on the adults part), having to help raise my 5 younger siblings and my mother is bipolar.

I saw a psychotherapist and have been told I have depression and anxiety as well as traits of ptsd and ocd, and that I'm basically borderline BPD including (multiple referrals for DBT). 

It's all got very difficult lately with my moods fluctuating WAY too much and I actually threatened to stab my boyfriend. I felt like because I knew because I couldn't hurt him, the only thing I could do is hurt myself. He took his belongings, then left to stay at his mothers.

My new therapist isnt listening to me, I had to tell HER why I was there because the referral didn't specify, she wants me to participate in EMDR but told her how I'm feeling and she said if I can't find a safe place I can't have therapy. I also told her about my OCD tendencies as I have a ritual with my front door and my bed, that must be done and felt right when doing (long story). She shrugged it off.

TL:DR - BPD tendencies, looking for a bit of support or advice on what I should/can do next.",5.9836781609195375,5.8604844559387015,6.8389118773946365,77.02227586206898,66.5095785440613,10.791417624521074,34.25823754789272,10.504223727775694,3.4807934099616844,1037,44,207,25,15,346,163,261,0.08800000000000001,0.83,0.08199999999999999,-0.5477,1,0,1,0,1,2,33.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,13,0,25,2,0,2,2,30,44,21,0,5,4,3,3,1,0,1,2,2,2,2,7,13,0,1,5,0,0,4,5,5,1,0,18,7,36,4,30,22,5,29,1,3,2,0,23,14,0,3,9,135,43,0,0.0,0.13518934887202974,0.11134473453739084,0.0,0.0,0.11149679256157254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124539578728362,0.09493999388789613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728586915487921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086621413979072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456719376551866,0.0,0.4311132939223187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330111525922385,0.0,0.09109923314238176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827380416874666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676348855901372,0.0,0.0,0.1323192927635123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769217778047316,0.0,0.21910698693319244,0.0,0.10428495232833672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961232314788833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125586020565478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647854577561393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429192822951484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870930013647292,0.0,0.12396953143962308,0.0,0.0,0.05574329315767917,0.0,0.0,0.10097454098747984,0.09581491351523848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387632241732304,0.0,0.0,0.1101980888469192,0.1213462015973455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677787485709455,0.0,0.0,0.12669408481995556,0.12355873012287046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920978001062385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337630736109599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744042097064183,0.10853483255176896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772514237727314,0.0,0.12161497469213965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947885533571446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972806521503194,0.0,0.13048281773164527,0.13247841079208916,0.07580269338771535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653238476564848,0.0,0.0,0.3270811252994885,0.12676883565525332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854540594293598,0.0,0.0941441059506489,0.06729889062954357,0.18113387713717816,0.0,0.0,0.10258922847160236,0.0,0.10295712715015387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0w3nR,2019/05/08,"I just want someone like me I was spiralling to my therapist the other day about how I'll always be alone, and she said that anxiously attached people often do well in relationships with securely attached people.

I don't want to be with a securely attached person though!! I don't want a partner who could talk to their parents growing up and had friends in middle school and has never been suicidal! I want to be with someone who I can relate to! I don't think I could relate to someone who had a good enough childhood/parents to be securely attached.",7.1320125786163535,7.1532541509434,7.330188679245285,73.97503144654087,64.09433962264151,9.708176100628927,37.477987421383645,9.2995712137729,3.581696855345913,444,21,76,7,6,144,60,106,0.036000000000000004,0.6920000000000001,0.272,0.9664,2,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,16,0,0,1,1,17,22,5,1,6,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,5,1,12,7,14,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,1,3,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864643569156888,0.0,0.0,0.14352454662305542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948633111438425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754366331623557,0.0,0.0,0.11124104296661323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782270982165039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326446285986068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467546937646206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426934266689433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303403993821852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152846275804625,0.0,0.0,0.2391641098172894,0.15061061652221416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518848001345714,0.0,0.0,0.1640764023346734,0.0,0.0,0.17456793178717805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384477457695513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867481322706514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864000930628334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20027285728213606,0.0,0.11052389462051107,0.16946942599827278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069535870097107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550881973110486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teddie-bears,2019/05/08,"What do you guys think of Susanna Kaysen from Girl, Interrupted the movie? Could you relate to her? I’ve watched the movie a lot because I relate to her character. If not what character fits you best and is most relatable?",3.6692857142857136,6.160731880952383,4.519285714285715,81.36321428571429,75.42857142857143,8.961904761904762,27.16666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.776552380952381,177,7,33,5,4,57,32,42,0.05,0.8420000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,3,0,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965980571696326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5106071221088024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884728017069729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817637454847064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136497721737244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117633737084484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WitchyPearl,2019/05/08,"One of my best friends has BPD. How do I help? I have recently reconnected with an old friend of mine and have learned that she has borderline personality disorder. I love her so much and I want to help her, but I don't know much about her illness. I personally deal with depression, so I can relate to her on some levels, but I also know we are dealing with very different illnesses. I think it would be best to mention she's currently going through a breakup as well. They were together for three years and she is not taking it well. She has already cut herself multiple times as well as had suicidal thoughts. I would like to help ease some of her pain.

Any advice on how to be the most supportive friend possible would be great. I could also use some advice on how to encourage her in therapy and medication. I am going over to her house today to sit with her while she makes her first call to a therapist, so I know she is at least willing to get help. I just want to do my best to help her stay with it and actually makes progress this time. I know theres only so much I can do, but she is honestly like a sister to me. Thank you in advance.",3.714766997708175,4.93028751515152,4.9319225872167065,83.90527883880827,72.11688311688313,9.071657754010696,28.306850012732358,9.478462496947786,2.361281945505475,900,34,191,21,17,298,127,231,0.099,0.609,0.293,0.9946,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,1,6,15,20,1,0,5,0,26,5,0,6,0,39,44,21,1,6,5,1,0,2,3,4,4,0,0,2,5,11,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,3,3,3,3,0,41,17,34,33,11,22,0,1,0,1,38,8,0,4,11,149,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.09763731406836984,0.0,0.0,0.19554130508604184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041099483355124,0.16002472685915814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803948412524087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149984130951672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601327535492227,0.0,0.10216531935906296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988419456623194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630053928216502,0.08617551896084692,0.0,0.0,0.1045341100257412,0.11466942836726375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851050471507713,0.0,0.0,0.23190214368296602,0.0,0.05227357307660537,0.0,0.11372487324371915,0.0,0.0,0.11030880705644858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33531714923071904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544775095949432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994609129875412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776170276671388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030175629805752,0.0,0.13357233468702276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079289088809426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065144442038898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498881308303874,0.0,0.06779851530705641,0.0760948297807705,0.10646346685548873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472487455085628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279474607971915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098790286126309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664320615399923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944176391158614,0.11353898068148754,0.0,0.0,0.07522741880263926,0.0,0.0,0.09211537767447033,0.11441934733889254,0.11616926705628867,0.0,0.06410993483846658,0.0,0.07943092133670583,0.1166834403812746,0.0,0.0948385634555189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641368440116366,0.0,0.08255421936726269,0.1180277261991772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698790408526213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322438286407014,0.0,0.0,0.06443086409715959
bpd,its-britney-witch,2019/05/08,do you ever want to do something then suddenly for no reason find the very thought of it repulsive? Do you ever like plan to do something with your day and you think about it so much and get genuinely hyped for it then all of a sudden... you don’t want to do it anymore... like the thought of doing exactly what you’ve been wanting to do now sounds physically repulsive like i don’t want to do it so much that just the thought of doing it makes my body hurt and makes me disgusted and want to throw up. i hope i’m not the only one and does anyone know how to deal with things like that?,3.954016393442622,4.42897649180328,4.768975409836067,88.03329918032789,70.96721311475409,8.395081967213113,26.72540983606557,8.472884824447931,1.512668852459016,460,14,103,7,8,149,67,122,0.069,0.79,0.141,0.6662,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,1,8,7,1,0,5,0,12,1,1,4,4,29,27,10,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,1,9,5,17,23,3,10,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,12,73,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570083812345011,0.11069925056635696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585501027876338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210166577920332,0.16321835173116386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854467796837924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864144166347997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469929219895766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271433963623842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572449620484865,0.0,0.0,0.16948211758027634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700713681216797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093836602373723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135627061721396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327631017718812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728000960872427,0.12040756398696024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277671877736802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437610340356621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517908705987476,0.10144343713629307,0.0,0.3770591420315981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306284865804267,0.4668987050600559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,needsomeairpls,2019/05/08,"Does anyone have a hard time maintaining relationships? I feel like my whole life I’ve had very close friends that I thought would be around forever, but I eventually lose them. I know a lot has to do with my behaviors. I just recently started taking medication after years of not knowing what was wrong with me. I feel so much better now. But I feel very alone. I’m scared to have friends because I know they will eventually leave. I was in a 3 year relationship and it seemed like I was constantly pushing him away. I treated him very unfairly. I was so sensitive about everything, I felt my emotions too strongly. I overreact a lot and find myself realizing maybe even an hour later that I acted too strongly. But I can’t see that in the moment. In the moment I’m too full of emotions to even think clearly. I just act. But once I realize I messed up, it’s too late. Wondering if anyone has any tips for this sort of thing, but also your experience with relationships as well!",3.8146626984127,5.836063174603176,4.999943783068783,80.25483630952381,73.33862433862434,8.746164021164018,28.74371693121693,9.354420925462401,2.663330423280424,776,32,149,19,16,256,119,189,0.11900000000000001,0.738,0.14400000000000002,0.7033,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,4,16,13,0,1,7,0,14,2,0,0,1,35,30,12,0,2,9,0,5,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,14,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,7,6,29,9,19,20,5,24,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,6,15,104,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377217157632875,0.0,0.09556890247576708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126817586871593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712274325024587,0.0,0.0,0.10638567390704118,0.0,0.0,0.11227981790353543,0.0,0.0,0.07284974644320799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056933426300948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914352727268585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458050314856536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26885632269648235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786516761539465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740428414519612,0.11689979628691725,0.0,0.0,0.1812774682276644,0.08537510800229409,0.11474449798427915,0.0,0.10922631605424846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466007338198928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070538997752929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176893342118394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197032111491342,0.0,0.1348079697209345,0.12653959532220366,0.0,0.0,0.08441061976187672,0.11676918712443735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369664198466474,0.0,0.20319944983261945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005983649730174,0.0,0.0,0.12038971912150635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785065819446294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272699863530201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799775454286962,0.38491415012205976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964635080044245,0.0,0.09523080696713056,0.10879377116805074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845869596388849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985363689926112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939447409115905,0.07657461731770553,0.0,0.09487441252087382,0.06968490778396744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958148891558563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745024322896446,0.0,0.0,0.13342417763755854,0.0,0.0,0.12959915576017894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848936313420563,0.1306610471503514,0.0,0.15391588758030614
bpd,needacoldshower,2019/05/08,"How many of us self-harm? How many of you guys struggle with self-harm, maybe not just what we think of as traditional methods of self-harm, but always seeking to ""punish"" yourself in some form? 

I don't know, I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. I've had issues with self-harm my whole life (and I did get treated at an awful small town facility when I got my diagnosis, so I do wonder from time to time if BPD is really what's wrong with me or if they just threw that at me because of the self-harm history) and I feel that it really stems from feeling unworthy and like I need to punish myself. When I'm not able to engage in traditional methods of self-harm, I'm looking for other ways to punish myself that a lot of us probably do but normies don't recognize as self harm (like chores lol). 

I'm really just curious how many of us feel similarly. And because of how I was treated by local docs here in the rural south, I really feel like they just throw BPD at anyone who self harms and call it a day. Has anyone else had this kind of experience/thought?",6.584503753127606,5.30862287155963,7.403311092577147,77.28284820683905,65.69724770642202,10.679566305254378,31.2860717264387,9.800150414767053,2.632407339449541,838,25,175,15,11,282,116,218,0.157,0.79,0.053,-0.9789,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,4,1,2,0,14,14,3,1,6,2,11,1,0,4,0,37,27,19,0,3,12,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,11,9,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,7,5,21,7,31,20,5,19,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,7,9,110,32,0,0.08410867865095546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998515844336065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762148747386858,0.0861792807816963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254373967418327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118638727940003,0.0,0.08588436481665278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424313959248918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026200842295686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011150043580095,0.060087256833951226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394331313743284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726939379118857,0.0,0.0,0.08328081541206611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778760839085274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758624582278607,0.04622393015459046,0.0,0.09487825303445184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940844712030816,0.12327375568618745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063010675478633,0.0,0.0,0.14301238166846136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25581899631883903,0.08449847267966812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236551948248605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068338125463886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155286930784284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7019495620333034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792865287798529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107786890239878,0.0,0.06677289581828465,0.09808889381089733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035171531659294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066761554176389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390433601971303,0.0,0.0,0.09121227416094016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195963650324417,0.0,0.0
bpd,PeepsUnderTheBed,2019/05/08,"I have a hard time making eye contact I can't remember ever not feeling this way. I can look at people from a bit of distance, but when they get within 10 feet or so of me, I avert my eyes. I can't make comfortable eye contact with people.

I'm deeply ashamed of myself and I feel if they can really look into my eyes, they'll see that in me. I dont know why I'm ashamed of myself, I just am.

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, too, or if it's just me.",1.0568269230769225,1.880822567307696,3.435769230769232,93.5842307692308,78.13461538461539,6.353846153846152,20.69230769230769,6.6274283507984215,0.08754230769230764,353,8,88,3,8,123,65,104,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,2,2,0,9,5,5,2,1,22,22,9,0,3,9,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,11,19,1,10,21,1,9,0,0,7,0,5,4,0,5,3,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665067285537586,0.21489695096120776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289748693305384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580632309438846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752055858617822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971613041677893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181429669246037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957719677759913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878801906731576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305283024310196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522469542561301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799977338567213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080586593131136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436077258678344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23758738604565074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671305969095809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222974014863008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329536822262416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892520335669613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Surrekatt,2019/05/08,"I want a child someday, I am going to need help, but I don't want to lose my child for asking for help (Norway) I could use some advice from someone who is familiar with the Norwegian system and child services, or someone who has children/is pregnant and is diagnosed with BPD.

I wish to have a child some day, but as I have BPD I know I'm going to need a lot of help, but fear that if I reach out and say ""I don't think I can care for my child alone and need help"" they will take my child away from me, I've read horror stories like that, Norwegian child services are notorious for taking away children of people who needs a little extra help.

I also fear my children will hate me for bringing them into this world since I am sick. My mother very likely has BPD and has never sought help, it fucked up my childhood and is probably the reason why I have it, but I like to believe that it will be different with me, because I am willing to get help.

I have a very supportive boyfriend, and we have talked about having children one day, but he says I should get more therapy and stabilize a bit. Will I ever be stable enough though?

I tried reading about having children and being a pwBPD, and all articles and videos are just ""don't have kids, you'll fuck them up"" ""stay away from women with BPD"" etc. It makes me sad and angry and feeling hopeless. I just want to feel normal.",7.502727020272148,5.629539628158844,7.416750902527077,79.83946126076094,64.27075812274369,10.111524576506524,32.860038878089426,8.384062270229773,2.3454800888642047,1075,32,221,11,13,345,141,277,0.177,0.669,0.154,-0.9539,1,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,1,3,1,7,13,3,2,9,0,34,4,0,3,3,53,62,23,0,12,9,1,2,3,0,7,2,2,0,13,11,20,0,0,5,3,0,3,4,8,0,1,0,4,35,5,31,51,9,19,0,3,0,2,34,9,2,5,8,154,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575266902141282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088718311816196,0.0,0.07017723151411515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203859931915061,0.0,0.24734468758947165,0.0,0.0,0.053494320740848915,0.0,0.0,0.0988692560632605,0.0,0.0,0.09580517154340336,0.0,0.4420948173199509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947154798189963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700648171869977,0.0,0.0,0.11318876867845686,0.0,0.0,0.08906895704318668,0.0,0.09168476127886098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067384327884752,0.09786944980726603,0.0,0.07937895749114894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749639005087075,0.08874261066481115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225521826823594,0.09169619500355382,0.0,0.09974579448040016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663938800177773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117398797511996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822757105307325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861722902946154,0.08795304986110776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981748241756428,0.0,0.07460572668007978,0.0,0.0,0.05857680146807645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602753605800629,0.06768167023320226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598076517537619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059464711465549165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060837911935127525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461417923929394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555646913346798,0.0,0.0,0.09022622808022072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957178046966842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259141844008223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870818404796646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353460698937492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958275186026856,0.0,0.0,0.1319609060209431,0.07053373253457268,0.0,0.0,0.10035490371388044,0.0,0.0,0.05622953187070446,0.08621833788067977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595795362875045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579170113560592,0.0,0.14481328426455953,0.1552796101415166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918477514074722,0.0,0.10091332918373233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crisis_eggs,2019/05/08,"I struggle getting turned on by my SO, because I love and respect her This is mostly just me venting, but I wanted to see if anyone else could relate to my issue. Me and my girlfriend have been together about a year now, and this is by far the best relationship I've ever been in. We're a team, we have no major disagreements, similar likes and interests, similar life goals. Also, she is by far the most attractive woman I've ever been with in my life, and in my eyes she's the sexiest girl in the world. She's also smart, witty, insightful, etc. etc. I love this girl. For the first like 6 months I was worried that this was just my BPD making me ""put her on a pedestal"" so to speak, but we've been through some shit already and our relationship has only grown stronger.

Here's my problem: I'm rarely ever horny. Like, if it were up to her we would have sex every day, and I just...can't. I feel like the only thing that turns me on is just...being a degenerate. Sex with strangers, risky situations, infidelity. I've cheated on every girlfriend I've ever had except my current one. And the thing is, I don't want to cheat on her. I love her, I want to marry her. I know I can hold up to the temptation because I've been propositioned multiple times over the course of our relationship, and whereas in the past I would've just gone for it, I've turned down every opportunity because I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life. 

Don't get me wrong, our sex life is great. Like, best I've ever had great. But my stupid brain just wants me to go hook up with some random girl who's name I don't know because for some reason just the plain grossness of it is hot to me. I hate it. I love my girlfriend. I will never be unfaithful to her, period. But for some reason I can't stop thinking about times I had sex just to get drugs, or hooked up with some girl that's far less attractive than my current girlfriend, because the *situation* was hot to me for whatever reason.

Maybe this is just validation seeking behavior. An urge to feel desired by as many people as possible. But I don't want anyone other than my girlfriend ever again, so it would be really cool if that could just like...stop. Please. 

Idk why I'm even saying all this, I just need to get these thoughts outside my head somewhere that I won't be judged for them, and maybe some people in this community will understand. I like to think that I'm not a bad guy, and I refuse to do anything that would hurt my girlfriend, but it feels like my brain is fighting against what I know is best for me.",4.4207748321765825,5.033575174081238,5.198708044146091,84.873756684492,69.98646034816247,8.326066674251905,27.391569006712928,8.405096225971981,1.6578490613266583,2003,63,423,29,34,651,214,517,0.106,0.6970000000000001,0.19699999999999998,0.9965,2,0,1,0,2,0,73.0,5,0,1,7,26,35,6,1,19,1,45,18,5,4,8,89,81,28,0,17,21,0,5,7,6,6,5,2,0,7,27,18,0,3,14,1,0,4,9,12,0,2,14,10,67,23,63,55,17,45,0,1,2,8,43,21,1,13,27,287,94,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290505800609072,0.10566530997808332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238923966089588,0.0676920382231407,0.05436637872210213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516203579326149,0.20136495346114835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079953868104373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320733965976711,0.14750216936692506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549604860278307,0.0,0.0,0.04260686147914335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766151484428424,0.0,0.05518935081216875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736126701135546,0.043635721031358606,0.35856083097346064,0.1669894107510197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021429239064077,0.09439458880217026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619538532817061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806624541625673,0.0,0.037546616136680214,0.0,0.0,0.14567516557851465,0.0,0.06541535377172987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522612528308361,0.067802389316517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072461601704404,0.0,0.0,0.06895534621326115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892381620500458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866564137815111,0.2582106110619213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385072171801933,0.0,0.044099316481329184,0.06698017249601018,0.13274359661734272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052732950120311525,0.0,0.0,0.04898682247428447,0.050953881413712425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044767776059253125,0.10049176692038757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306711280740403,0.0916031693520368,0.0,0.0,0.0725202151185069,0.0,0.07447906359435623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321587902697373,0.0,0.06641419874452946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232332991675195,0.20377939153239852,0.0,0.2127892647815588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253803523352935,0.0,0.0,0.05264574813023717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781541280684282,0.0,0.14852105699322826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046763840429596,0.0,0.06906613373350427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778212889403476,0.08466436744295693,0.0,0.05244872520404141,0.07704679232508857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155812803991796,0.0,0.06877664366082377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23380329752077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961394907056829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670928472420309,0.0,0.18772449276997952,0.07223238779321361,0.0,0.042544095282062974
bpd,BigYarnBonusMaster,2019/05/08,"Tying to escape an abusive relationship, could use support to push through withdrawal Long story short, my life collapsed 10 months ago and I have had the biggest, darkest spiral of my life. During that time someone appeared that spiralled with me, went through it with me, enabled me, cared for me, listened me, took advantage of me... I used to see us as 2 lost, broken souls that were bonded over for life through unimaginable pain. He became my FP.

It became addictive, dangerous and a constant cause of instability. I've tried to break it off several times, but I can't. If I don't have him, I have nobody left. He's been very, very good to me when everyone else disappeared.

But recently he's become more authoritative, more aggressive, rude, indifferent. Insults me, shoots me down, get's irritated with me for small things, tries to make me feel guilty all the time. He also makes me laugh like nobody else, keeps me company, understands me. But it's becoming an abusive relationship.

Last night I tried to end it all with him again. I've failed before and I don't want to fail again. I miss him, I'm feeling withdrawal really hard. I feel so alone, I just want to contact him.

I could use some advice and encouragement to push through the ""detox"" stage if anyone has had the experience.

​

Thanks for listening.",5.616220400728596,7.319165303278693,5.849125683060109,77.27119307832425,68.09836065573772,9.35664845173042,31.178506375227684,9.725611199111238,3.0609561020036438,1050,43,188,24,18,334,145,244,0.20600000000000002,0.67,0.124,-0.9670000000000001,1,1,0,1,0,0,49.0,1,0,0,6,8,17,4,0,7,0,13,6,0,6,2,33,38,13,0,6,6,0,4,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,9,8,0,1,4,0,0,6,3,9,0,0,7,7,33,8,29,29,5,29,1,4,1,0,16,7,0,4,15,111,42,2,0.0,0.2594064961487287,0.0,0.1193377211545149,0.0,0.1069721562073565,0.09703795049353686,0.0,0.0,0.1133772051728782,0.0,0.08754257864385788,0.0,0.11860996653534775,0.13301721035739553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654349644682623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418005350033971,0.09315033170517194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116112712998338,0.11245515019293503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182974492720684,0.0,0.17480469481121022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289514637414528,0.0,0.0969573286159947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460263003737046,0.0,0.1070820041330215,0.0,0.0,0.16605293780268854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719320347388283,0.0,0.0,0.0918176750153416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806301210361404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730136475077568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892321095232505,0.0,0.0,0.11893874054528335,0.0,0.2319642622480028,0.053481182069724124,0.0,0.0,0.09687690671024334,0.0,0.0,0.11949869830791808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614324727795272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737736981015848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027295446736386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648307861943392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012885190940521,0.0,0.10808775071459133,0.2350581718897411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723287797881726,0.0,0.0,0.12366917662082695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275300276262642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422449130877865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078464563133842,0.0,0.0,0.07272655447492875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149732900348415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162444657275442,0.22296745519083527,0.0,0.0,0.1139614266552965,0.13167811785562586,0.2836390442054281,0.0,0.1806473132793175,0.1291356867872182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147915983222684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301721035739553,0.0
bpd,wheresthepizzq,2019/05/08,"Don't want a birthday Throwaway because I don't want to use main. It's my birthday next week and I just feel so low and down. I get weird every year around my birthday and I don't know why, I can feel myself feeling dark again and I don't know why. Things are great, I'm happy, I just feel like I can't make it to my birthday. It's a strange feeling, like two people at once.",-0.7098795180722917,1.320204337349402,1.1530240963855434,101.5791746987952,89.96385542168676,3.3200000000000003,19.143373493975908,3.1291,-0.8780833734939759,292,9,71,0,10,95,47,83,0.111,0.688,0.201,0.8448,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,18,20,5,0,2,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,5,12,4,5,20,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,6,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414657158029284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925039450954344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482140816704935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945661139830379,0.2795072270705936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220531149625264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567582475111147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082450709782684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150193439104413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114372130317972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058034175282568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804802896837105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833286075543855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356208453332291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299636967800477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910959339962675,0.0,0.0,0.16895607114548794,0.0,0.0,0.2307678586214734,0.0,0.15691753585721002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35303993186226024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259752518805733
bpd,berensupertramp,2019/05/08,"Need advice with SO Hi! First thing I wanted to say is I'm new to this and I have to admit I haven't read most of the posts on here, I will, but I'm just feeling too stressed at the moment and would appreciate some help and/or advice.

So, for some context: I've been with this girl for seven months now. Doesn't sound like too much but it's been pretty intense, seeing eachother mostly every day, sleeping together most nights, etc. She's four years older than me. She's been diagnosed by two different therapists, one said BPD the other Bipolar. I don't really trust their diagnosis, basically because she doesn't trust it too much, although her ""symptoms"" do align more with BPD, or so she believes. That's basically why I'm writing on here. I hope it's okay that I do :)

The thing is, until recently it's been going kind of well. I'd say 6 days a week she was good, then once a week more or less she had paranoias (in the sense that she started saying I don't love her and those kinds of things) and felt low, trust issues, anxiety, sadness, etc. Massive mood swings too; from planning stuff and wanting to do stuff and being happy to being sad and angry. She also has anxiety attacks, that generally coincide with these episodes.
But these past two weeks have been terrible. And I know it's harder for her but I'm dying here. Before at least she directed these suffering at me and I could somehow help her manage it and get over it together. 

Now she's feeling low, sad, anxious and depressed every day (with some moments or hours of ""happiness"") and it's not like before. Now she just tells me she has to deal with it by herself and I have to leave her her space. And I'm doing that, and I'm still supporting her, telling and showing her how much I love her without disturbing her and leaving her her space. She's gone inside herself and she doesn't even let me in, no one actually.

For instance, today all was good. But suddenly she imploded, started crying and went to bed. I asked if I could help, she said no. Tried to hug her, she pushed me away. It's been an hour and I'm just suffering for her because I'd love for her to be happy, and feeling well, not crying in bed buried in the covers.
 It's killing me seeing how the woman I love, the woman I want to marry is suffering and I can't do anything for her...

She doesn't want therapists because they've never helped her much, so that's not an option (plus she doesn't have money to pay for it).
I know I have to be patient and give my 100% of love and understanding and support so that I can help her get through this and I know she is the one that has to get through this by herself, but I would really appreciate any tips, advice or things that work for some of you. I'm just lost, I'm feeling I'm loosing her. I don't want that and I need to be good for her. 

I don't know... I just want her to be happy and feel loved and realise that she has so much love around her (me, family, friends, etc.) and that everything will be alright. I just don't know how to do it.

Anyway, there goes my rant, hope I didn't go against any rules and thanks for reading if you've reached this far! 

Love.",2.6676420990566068,4.294553053125,3.8325589622641534,89.0927712264151,75.5,6.830188679245284,24.575471698113212,7.5680677535414835,1.065675117924528,2454,80,522,32,53,798,254,640,0.177,0.657,0.166,-0.937,1,0,0,0,0,0,95.0,0,1,1,4,35,49,2,2,13,2,56,13,1,3,2,104,116,57,2,16,22,0,6,2,1,4,3,6,2,3,41,39,0,0,13,3,2,5,20,15,2,8,16,14,85,33,63,86,20,52,0,10,2,9,78,17,0,17,31,370,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.05554435902524922,0.0,0.0,0.16686063966834558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045517796993874864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741322198803541,0.0,0.0870851715496514,0.06430183532435169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683917154036727,0.050669636068962326,0.053211222912375136,0.06475314322586982,0.05347691378101014,0.0,0.0,0.10409118082625288,0.0,0.09686710065321123,0.06412778944575136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337400972255673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088976741663723,0.0,0.12504485490913242,0.11012339651051327,0.05868059424989474,0.04902392092634476,0.05777119754763314,0.05907253756234392,0.059467839657990434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043790922416232,0.03759420933887777,0.0,0.09591277844189693,0.0,0.05115478231251133,0.0,0.05365780594180905,0.0,0.14389881339700925,0.0,0.05465079780252631,0.0,0.0,0.04841494605733503,0.0,0.0,0.04397518186005494,0.0,0.08921288356415906,0.05460152335890301,0.06469632281288297,0.14322190492470002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423637023427492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907567439959698,0.0,0.0,0.1130660580497156,0.1121067436001399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059408247630723734,0.0,0.0,0.06297201588370181,0.11854396027555285,0.1564049151938922,0.0,0.0,0.12053719279707388,0.0,0.05820314165255928,0.0,0.055615121833356235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213339354259177,0.0,0.4109701886242075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543189659808555,0.0,0.20920866107507102,0.08440886573737237,0.0438991459111869,0.05497235442915471,0.0,0.053414265745483136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061646887384636,0.11570858267230713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054335259856856465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545123007798606,0.0579066955199309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386803882925177,0.0,0.07292704633734898,0.0,0.05620026701025798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082852769113446,0.13579190499017238,0.0,0.0,0.09071353603107164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056959722372737526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057457933344225,0.0,0.045455280604707236,0.0,0.06520008281110654,0.0,0.13031639630230454,0.0,0.12918114281425916,0.0,0.0591602362183731,0.0,0.0,0.0994987590964534,0.05240301475022572,0.0,0.1321738013513195,0.15125679841445008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053952193055244416,0.0,0.0,0.038644004318955864,0.0,0.1112024353047334,0.05925428704506287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143244808076996,0.0,0.13697004246317773,0.0,0.10235334364080703,0.052764127672590165,0.05136019820242132,0.0,0.0,0.054867515091670586,0.0,0.04143743065751908,0.0,0.0,0.08086670407207804,0.0,0.0,0.0366537228299179
bpd,fruitwinder37,2019/05/08,I know people have written this before but... MY CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND. Season 3 episode 6. Yes. Finally something in the media accurately representing! and that episode ^^^ how relatable?! Uhh I had shivers all over my body the entire way through.,2.7711904761904758,5.158372785714292,3.36809523809524,79.22690476190478,106.85714285714286,5.6761904761904765,30.857142857142854,6.937597516519254,2.8871714285714285,195,11,29,4,9,61,38,42,0.08800000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.064,-0.254,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,1,5,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744803937895867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888358418325897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820922146990076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418595120013804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050999121564769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33879936116098064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493194295585362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LetMeChangeUsernames,2019/05/08,"What does succesful treatment look like? I recently got diagnosed and will probably start CBT in a couple of weeks to months. This will probably be a lot of very hard work. My question is, however,  what results did treatment have for you?",4.756627906976743,7.427627860465122,5.0676162790697665,77.87723837209303,72.72093023255816,9.881395348837213,34.00581395348837,10.125756701596842,4.205190697674418,190,10,32,6,4,60,37,43,0.04,0.893,0.067,0.2885,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,5,4,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,5,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766115139965571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25373672863044633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187697795013052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999415270080144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394382646376604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213351700684685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099304096767532,0.0,0.0,0.21253435151061664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995413165664456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390675521347547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28004837577973873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683704864492084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769457016533632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626967145076155,0.0,0.0,0.20052859077584825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819972329502215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blink_of_a_sun,2019/05/08,"how to appreciate comments? Idk if it's a BPD-related issue, but even if I'm going to share something, I only count what I've had said myself. Whatever, I would like to make people know, that even if they'd just helped me think things out, they'd helped me a lot. Is there a comfy way to say that? Is there a way to connect with a humanoid lifeforms on that basis?",3.770526315789475,4.224739210526316,5.088000000000001,85.65700000000002,71.36842105263158,7.658947368421052,25.72631578947368,7.554174236665415,1.170913684210527,284,8,61,3,5,95,53,76,0.017,0.86,0.12300000000000001,0.8042,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,0,13,12,5,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,7,2,8,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,4,1,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32182558124143595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375445325190785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522110202351354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34254688213588186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667023662278849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404302016486681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483691391813835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723874980764546,0.0,0.0,0.1705653397523072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433875323603364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771492956079414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430633854024144,0.20320423409101154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671611098762531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975987196231232,0.16373050366819278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40564869685524696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151807354371047,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mungbeanstark,2019/05/08,"I started meds today and I don't know how to feel I've been in therapy since I was 17 (I'm now 24) and it has helped immensely in terms of understanding and coping with my BPD symptoms. I feel like I have so much perspective on why I act the way I do and it helps me to try and make healthier choices and in a way - I feel like it's ""reversed"" my BPD to a certain degree. 

​

However, I still feel unstable most of the time. I cycle throughout the day between intense depression, manic euphoria, and numbing dissociation. It's taking a toll on me and extremely exhausting, negatively effecting all parts of my life. 

​

So, I went to a psychiatrist. We talked about mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics but he decided that they might be too strong for me since I've only experienced psychotic symptoms very few times in life  and he feels like they should only be prescribed for people with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia

​

He prescribed Pristiq and Klonopin - the Pristiq for the depressive symptoms and to stabilize mood and the Klonopin for severe agitation or lack of sleep at night. 

​

I'm not sure how to feel. Last time I took meds was back in high school and it was Prozac (had a terrible, suicidal reaction to it). Has anyone ever used these meds to help with their BPD? Seeking support. I'm very med resistant but I've reached a point where this feels like my only option left to try to regulate my moods.",5.165886487436303,7.053123782287821,5.727727991565629,76.98242312423126,69.47970479704797,9.294746090318046,33.199964856791425,9.725611199111238,3.452676190476192,1159,55,204,28,21,374,152,271,0.127,0.767,0.106,-0.8355,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,3,2,11,16,0,0,12,0,14,10,1,5,4,47,33,22,1,2,5,0,7,4,0,2,9,0,0,0,9,18,0,0,11,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,7,8,24,8,31,22,7,30,0,2,0,0,11,12,0,5,17,126,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146043522771651,0.35281852384413664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075652119315525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581712524550151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742731803639621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681445751859106,0.0,0.12504308818964002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831942738313998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566168846479764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569253166982429,0.2074328553689527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596636852911415,0.07669517751037863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03989349124739875,0.05917042816659322,0.0,0.0,0.07886910038617892,0.0,0.10254473634281402,0.14185496493710284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845429835343968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32252390185012714,0.0,0.0,0.0770063751601822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336190284769439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812067064395158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562358937534769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860774963399415,0.0,0.050324672263156935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862088525454563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346481845924352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200588522181798,0.0,0.12009417239731135,0.0,0.07264228822713509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051379479849093655,0.0,0.057970359713565976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940153016452305,0.08237411822705404,0.06841508840926185,0.22634599074261136,0.0545785443305032,0.05834498358662477,0.0,0.0,0.0830128365481536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126983201567623,0.0,0.06880670402075101,0.0,0.08065001060363443,0.09856750640806636,0.0,0.0,0.07556860916655453,0.0,0.06269433645230371,0.0,0.11978848119797925,0.0,0.11523691162959307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672915318189855,0.06550106225603368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35281852384413664,0.0
bpd,BambiButch,2019/05/08,"Today I started equine therapy I found a place that offers free equine therapy sessions and my support worker arranged to take me for my first session today. It was just a meet the therapy horses kinda thing but I spent a lot of time with two Shetland ponies and got to hug them and stroke them and it was amazing. Their best therapy horse is HUGE and I was a bit worried to go into his stable but the person showing us around said I could just walk in there and throw my arms around his neck and he wouldn’t move a muscle. He was the most gentle and loving horse, just being around him felt calming. I really can’t wait to get back there and started properly! I feel great just from being around them and getting to meet them...  Although I used to ride as a kid, I’ve never actually hugged a horse before, turns out they’re great huggers! 

This is different to any kind of therapy I’ve tried before but I like that it’ll get me outside and I love being around animals. I feel great today after just meeting the horses and spending some time around them, but the therapy includes all kinds of things like caring for the horses, grooming them, learning how to lead them on a harness and even learning how to get them to walk with you on their own without being lead, it sounds like it’s gonna be really fun!",4.6862015503875964,5.791111883720933,5.093023255813957,84.07736434108531,69.69767441860466,7.593798449612403,27.124031007751928,7.793537801064563,1.5582775193798448,1038,33,199,12,18,330,140,258,0.019,0.695,0.28600000000000003,0.9981,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,10,5,17,19,0,0,14,0,15,7,2,5,2,53,38,21,0,2,10,0,4,3,0,3,1,2,0,2,10,23,0,1,6,1,3,8,4,0,0,2,9,6,31,20,32,20,7,32,0,0,0,4,26,13,0,4,14,139,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.08116299002632557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655919587859942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44423944095204543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639534373279724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154495005733633,0.0,0.08728293175035133,0.0,0.09080129336338773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479847324630432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640535074838304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689609101177218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054933723084857236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410760812800029,0.0,0.07985729306842561,0.0,0.0,0.07074528994367023,0.0,0.09119281150977873,0.0,0.0,0.1738138551122377,0.0,0.047268049315457916,0.0,0.06651952157852689,0.2750892737791558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732197910709918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189958596754155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070908976763987,0.1501303188378724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839771032551867,0.0,0.0,0.06414667491498496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262179109408852,0.08689609101177218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656306488003583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911475624336749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773785661731664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438157168270618,0.0,0.0,0.06253431180736255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5706803655239221,0.0,0.1105103581764743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699546734019307,0.0,0.23650941609663556,0.0,0.0,0.056467713232426185,0.09046626693160256,0.08124607346209893,0.0,0.10004458531887203,0.0718331210983382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017396650720549,0.0,0.0,0.08446428302902734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,my_massage,2019/05/08,"Dae feel happier without living with their so? I have kids and i am a creative type, and i realised that since my boyfriend has been away working (10 days now) my anxiety and distress has reduced considerably. He is the film industry and is always at 100kms an hour, even when he's not working. He does stuff with the kids, it's true, and i appreciate that, but he's always making noise or doing something which involves stomping around, lugging stuff around, cleaning the truck or the car or sawing something or whatever. He also bursts on me when I'm right in the middle of something delicate and creative and then i lose my composure and my thread and then i scream at him. It's not that he's an oaf, but i suppose it is that now that i think about it. Also he doesn't love me ""right"" as in we are in a dead bedroom, and i feel so lonely and can't sleep nights when he's here. But last night i slept like a rock. I felt like the kids are calmer too... Is that possible?",5.023962585034012,5.217151362244898,5.4095918367346965,85.36993197278916,68.54081632653062,8.370068027210884,30.10884353741497,8.07648339933343,1.8617496598639447,761,27,160,9,12,243,108,196,0.126,0.763,0.111,-0.7949,0,2,3,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,1,3,15,8,0,1,11,0,14,3,2,1,1,33,23,28,1,0,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,13,16,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,5,20,4,15,19,0,25,0,2,1,1,16,12,0,4,14,107,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443596171636309,0.25425393094954324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687790592856187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27201696236086026,0.0,0.0,0.1435438338588595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853182999933292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370066543687284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091115133333184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154502463977884,0.0,0.14669479753720704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045961556134765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453782182103065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928325597058642,0.0,0.13490941372643725,0.0,0.0,0.17092411550775988,0.0,0.0,0.13789183103944788,0.0,0.10198325348963187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867513454220795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223888777118534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26095019654643675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638295097046967,0.0,0.15289246044378882,0.0,0.0,0.3528574276839415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497979561143991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789661536058084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727651455017193,0.0,0.22245441037224245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spaceman9898,2019/05/08,"Sudden waves of hatred and disgust in my girlfriend over her past relationships. Hi guys I’m undiagnosed and I’m hoping to seek help soon but I’ve noticed this happens so much. I could be sat fine having a lovely meal and I just get these horrible intrusive thoughts of her with someone else doing what we do saying things we say and I instantly dislike her and my behaviour changes like I can be horrible and say things I shouldn’t say to her. I love her to bits but this needs to stop. I know I’m being horrid when I’m doing it but I can’t help myself from doing it. I really am worried and I just want to know for sure what’s wrong with me I get this with loads. 

I know I’m ranting but I can’t stop having these waves of quitting my job and joining the military (UK) but I don’t know if that’s what I want or what my brain thinks I want. I work for my girlfriends dad and I find myself hating him at work just suddenly I’ll turn on him and think he’s constantly at me and picking faults when it’s not needed I know deep down I’m the issue but I can’t help these sudden mood swings and my instant and horrible turns on people I do it to everyone and I’m left with no friends. Thanks if anyone reads this I just don’t know what to do anymore.",0.6150790770028536,2.7687522631578965,2.5376173191599705,93.20620300751878,84.63909774436091,5.623852735286492,20.074669432201194,6.953978226594392,0.3261087892144152,986,29,219,13,29,328,130,266,0.17800000000000002,0.675,0.147,-0.9219,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,3,8,13,2,0,3,0,20,4,1,1,1,56,52,26,0,10,14,1,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,1,19,20,1,2,10,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,4,41,8,24,45,2,19,0,0,0,2,26,9,0,4,11,141,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294428880504892,0.07963172429499399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433399254153715,0.0,0.0,0.1271344165949659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047626473339484,0.0,0.0,0.1230702842504523,0.0,0.09092868701357863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951371216826769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882293313389034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408972132255846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798802464503165,0.0,0.11900144681118945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276502405105684,0.10070899485911318,0.0,0.0,0.11243882608921743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290061127479201,0.0,0.0,0.11311447368034293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886737326715704,0.11301426097497015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755325331405121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237374490943906,0.0,0.0,0.05563893659476584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557308438266286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371929824057547,0.16889002033907247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965994159262345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871705314587896,0.07895419805556073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113175686039275,0.11391679787333014,0.0,0.07295827417883485,0.0,0.0,0.12227092049689932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622668052749745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964952201870906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042755535638936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733618714906464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485090813245944,0.0,0.0,0.15132156757159787,0.14594707328630996,0.0,0.0904127459085451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477504833090833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201518702781525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582069775281305,0.11565673953705848,0.0,0.0,0.12451643959903327,0.0,0.0
bpd,TimbouTambou,2019/05/08,Coping with emptiness I just barely got out of bed and it's 3pm. Feeling so empty and depressed right now. I just wanted to hear what you guys do to make yourself feel less empty and more energetic?,2.1744999999999983,4.465879450000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,79.5,5.0,22.5,5.985473137389443,0.4495,158,5,30,1,4,52,34,40,0.244,0.654,0.102,-0.7582,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,7,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,5,6,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465318044049665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406866807190872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217852220851525,0.0,0.0,0.3983763517475693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534624325947054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685627119849908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435931394591773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373084689411556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,muddledhalfwit,2019/05/08,"Venting: Undiagnosed I've been keeping up with this subreddit for a while. I've never posted or participated in discussions before, but felt compelled to write to you all. It's nearly 7:00 in the morning and I've been drinking all night. My mother is an alcoholic with undiagnosed BPD, my sister has been diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar (pretty sure Bipolar was a misdiagnosis).  I'm also undiagnosed, but have a strong feeling that, I too, have BPD.

​

A little about me: I moved around as a kid and have had only my immediate family as a steady presence, my mother and sister being the only women in my life I ever really connected with until I was about 15. Throughout my childhood, they were really the only ones who understood my tantrums and self-harm. I grew up supporting my sister through her various suicide attempts and my mother too. I remember my mother trying to take her life when I was around 7 and about 12 years later when I was 19. I no longer live near them and miss them constantly. Although our relationships were pretty toxic at times, their relationships meant most as they've been the ones that truly get where I'm coming from.

​

I've had a few rough episodes that led to brutal self-harm from ages 18-21 (I'm now 21). I remember my mother spotting the fresh-ish wounds on my leg at 19 and and saying, ""you need stitches"". In my earlier years, I dealt with with self-hatred through eraser burns. I too scared someone would've noticed cuts on my arm like my mother.

​

Another note: My mother has been hospitalized and sister has admitted herself. I tend to keep my episodes under lock and key and have blacked out on many of those occasions.

​

ANYWAY,

​

I'm here because I tried therapy, went to two sessions, and couldn't get myself to go after that for various reasons (no insurance, too expensive, too depressed, too fatigued, ""I can't be that bad"", etc.). I ditched. I cried. I stayed in bed. Then I got up and danced and convinced myself I was O.K. or I'd go when the time was right. Then I cried and cried. I stayed in bed for many more days. This is all fairly normal for me, by the way.

​

I thought about committing suicide again (for the millionth time)...

​

And then, I got a text this morning that my dad is in the hospital for blood clots in his lungs. He's been in the hospital 2-3 times this year even though he is a healthy-ish 47-year-old Marine. I don't know how to feel anymore. My family has always been incredibly dysfunctional (whose isn't), but he was a rock, even though he was absent for many months at a time. I've been distracting myself with booze, music, and youtube. I have completely shut my SO out and don't know what to do. 

​

I'm not asking for advice, I just needed to... vent, I guess.

​

I love you all

​

It's early and I haven't seen the morning sun in ages; I'm going out for a cigarette.",3.9982503799392113,6.022861901785718,4.755022796352584,82.19316869300914,72.83928571428571,7.623100303951367,27.450607902735573,8.399286722034276,2.0150809270516725,2315,87,428,40,47,745,266,560,0.096,0.835,0.069,-0.9595,0,0,3,0,0,2,136.0,1,3,4,2,29,15,3,2,24,0,42,15,4,4,8,73,78,43,2,4,7,12,4,1,0,0,8,1,2,2,16,34,3,2,12,3,1,9,10,9,0,3,28,7,67,6,68,47,10,74,0,3,2,1,40,31,0,4,31,288,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04075575056241699,0.0,0.04457226626692401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03335319792828932,0.03470369523998364,0.4518968656629566,0.5067876013760059,0.0,0.04373359003028893,0.0,0.0,0.041362292130815465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425642330580733,0.038990561209313226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034823733509543306,0.02542429544759198,0.0,0.03548971824428187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575861104841828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592702226000009,0.043729160004471766,0.045070619361517884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744005876184232,0.02689766555006232,0.0,0.035922312718632034,0.042331885847195085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04085713522062395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651450420779226,0.05509436694424658,0.03772651077024946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863559047972918,0.0,0.042176782901178336,0.0,0.040045410727849215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358053567002567,0.0,0.07110941442204317,0.0,0.06671404603583703,0.0,0.04594513491348511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414247392524095,0.0,0.0,0.04584232487456428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891799602661174,0.02037600992160788,0.041801527605491134,0.03682818323777468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764233703372689,0.0,0.0,0.1268535312673813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03329025435254322,0.044328106818667834,0.0,0.06185065604602576,0.03216713020306535,0.0,0.0,0.03913934098882415,0.04086415803312623,0.0,0.047483874028155536,0.043764644773888084,0.0,0.05652369717264085,0.0951605155832431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039943926936573684,0.08486234416438634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343734476302616,0.04288190312661868,0.0,0.08955575507542407,0.09449215582075696,0.035617683706760564,0.0,0.033167204795420555,0.04175613945819424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052898044639685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035338338297875777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890855888020878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912417195769228,0.04732878686403018,0.0393085013508804,0.0,0.03135859111532234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047695768191856336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195413886636553,0.033110823470440566,0.1215988915705396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056632842971958586,0.0,0.04074183154476545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03310519946539976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03866295185626498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029627567290738663,0.0,0.5067876013760059,0.10743216527104048
bpd,govzzz,2019/05/08,"Personality issues???? What I have had multiple mental health professionals bring up “personality issues” with me, or ask me about having them in the last year. I was “diagnosed” with rule-out BPD about a year ago but nobody ever ruled it out? I am honestly not even sure what this means. I am wondering if I should be worried about this? I’ve been worried in the past that I have BPD or another personality disorder. I’ve heard they aren’t treatable by medications and I’ve never gotten better on medication, I worry that this might be why. My last therapist never mentioned it and neither has my current psych. How important is getting a diagnosis? I can work on these things without being diagnosed, right? What exactly does it mean to have “personality issues”?",4.2840062111801265,7.145625992753622,5.954285714285718,69.93000000000004,75.30434782608695,9.160248447204973,28.697722567287784,9.606745405546679,3.3947809523809527,609,26,99,18,14,207,92,138,0.139,0.8170000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.9233,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,2,6,3,0,0,4,0,18,5,0,1,5,22,26,7,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,4,13,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,1,14,3,14,16,1,18,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,5,10,76,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205872525781193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072730554516753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763409528543602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182604919169788,0.0,0.0,0.2900127262503444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23371575548396434,0.0,0.0,0.13195273849002334,0.0,0.10075392823337732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604445995959883,0.1041446629411976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060152398213974174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238131588716193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605077633766798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769801513099688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508278361852464,0.0,0.2319693777562611,0.1160272885251034,0.1221382387947599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775958001091181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990776412755007,0.0,0.4021198327677934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983232106190942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108511774355219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367863723328968,0.0764894497910733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388989699224982,0.0,0.0,0.11098439434810517,0.12485715449291646,0.08381841490693859,0.3507703698998495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482841430702705
bpd,badbaldie,2019/05/08,"my sister keeps bringing up old shit pretty often she’ll say things like “remember when you did xyz because you were manic?” or “you were real a real asshole when you did abc” or “i can’t believe you did efg” but i literally cannot recall any of what she’s talking about. i’m sure i did do those things, but i can’t remember doing them. it pisses me off, because every single time she brings up that shit i tell her i can’t remember, and she still judges me off of actions from before i was diagnosed",2.9786650485436894,4.335926126213593,4.668143203883496,84.52609830097089,74.14563106796116,7.0917475728155335,24.52548543689321,7.645422480735847,1.2200300970873783,393,12,79,5,8,133,68,103,0.10400000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.069,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,1,0,5,5,3,0,1,0,14,4,3,0,1,13,18,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,7,1,21,2,8,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,15,4,3,3,6,59,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418717524299213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047174475026043,0.0,0.1428823179492299,0.18918140708623266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042902204454582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147465973809806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924954405119326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820342249018819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761973382396548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082875041937629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822454420683576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5706409737642072,0.0,0.0,0.13353183219001902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447223057569175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409621661093735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825681538142838,0.0,0.0,0.13496279125835264,0.1467641050150703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231090000350864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791191560364183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SaraJaylo,2019/05/08,"My Mom Once Told Me at Least My Cat Will Love Me if No One Else Does. And man does my cat LOVE me. Like we have this connection where I’m the center of his universe (besides food) and right now he’s the center of mine. No matter how much he tests me or wrecks stuff, he will love me and I will love him. Forever.",0.7909313725490215,2.2545005441176507,2.1917647058823526,99.53460784313728,80.32352941176471,5.7098039215686285,17.215686274509807,6.42735559955562,-0.5813901960784307,239,4,61,2,6,77,46,68,0.053,0.691,0.256,0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,0,8,10,6,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,13,5,3,6,2,6,0,0,0,4,13,5,0,2,2,37,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503691879937181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723017043083674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420663640502101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780103375807117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7227046883333498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23445606128396965,0.0,0.0,0.1471601438586591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131921363541984,0.13565158332226154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709582150769934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22916569907337256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128682193543506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spirited-away-90,2019/05/08,"I can’t move on from my previous relationship. We broke up about a month ago and I still think about her every second of the day, It’s just so traumatic to me that she wants absolutely nothing to do with me, she’s blocked all my numbers, and truly couldn’t care less about me. I’m so hurt, confused, abused and traumatised by the whole experience. I honestly don’t believe I’ll ever be the same person again,",4.071016260162601,5.338560573170732,5.281463414634152,81.5389430894309,71.3170731707317,8.881300813008131,28.300813008130078,9.2995712137729,2.32799349593496,325,12,66,7,6,108,62,82,0.251,0.6509999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.9377,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,0,2,14,9,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,12,2,11,7,4,9,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,48,14,0,0.0,0.2981664769507205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307431971624594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28352563505855793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565759920860455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229472537207115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763364699097224,0.21202766891703026,0.0,0.0,0.24616395033422514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693986774677149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086623047849891,0.2674662568396335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24146688707691435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973282517611087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270180076564688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096961725332665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124844433426555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843087335746835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28096047795279633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FloatingBadger,2019/05/08,"How do you cope when making negative associations with people in work? Whenever my boss is rude to me (e.g. he once told me I was typing too loud in a meeting but in a really rude and embarrassing way) I start to draw negative feelings towards work as a whole. He is the person who is making money from my work, and it annoys me that he treats me like this.

I struggle to disassociate my work when he actively disrespects me.

Is this normal? How do you all cope?",3.0457417582417565,5.052906692307693,5.184711538461542,78.15091346153848,75.48351648351648,8.506043956043957,24.561813186813183,9.188382445141503,2.135581318681319,363,12,70,9,8,126,58,91,0.23199999999999998,0.71,0.057999999999999996,-0.9621,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,4,5,7,3,2,4,0,7,0,0,5,1,12,12,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,13,2,10,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,4,51,18,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634383995646053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241365861522687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071827598538568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22544597928680446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504554926132305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952012762393028,0.20091162329913773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740588207911956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628636772817887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405471021492569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986732320063124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264010497688127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25689482517305245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6700527525997693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jamie030398,2019/05/08,"Jealousy Idk why but whenever I see people have friends or SOs, I get extremely jealous. Which then leads to anger and a whole other host of issues which ends in me wanting to put 10 shots in my brain.
Any idea how to overcome this?",1.907608695652172,4.374768456521739,2.6197391304347843,92.66656521739132,81.82608695652175,5.419130434782609,24.417391304347824,6.742157984588678,0.8480226086956515,183,7,37,2,5,57,41,46,0.226,0.6970000000000001,0.076,-0.8014,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,7,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,6,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122872962833017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34848658847346303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764912544266154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24118289410768576,0.0,0.16309670242463584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524035784878096,0.0,0.3258258975037725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642038295340685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31381853766646217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487602350837481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412681403616124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28168618571777426,0.3485282846172957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,says_unseemly_things,2019/05/08,"I made a new account to post here, and wanted to say hi. Pretty much sums it up in the title. I've been lurking on my main reddit for a while and havent really wanted to out myself or have the information public.

Either way I see a lot of people post and not many comments so I decided to make a new account.

I was recently diagnosed (technically twice now) a couple weeks ago, but its offered a lot of explanation for things. I've also managed to see the advantages of this as I've learned more about it, but I'll save that for another post.

Anyway. Hello everyone. You can find me making random comments and shitty jokes on porn subreddits.",2.664580052493438,4.876653456692914,4.797342519685042,79.5181135170604,77.4251968503937,7.697900262467193,24.756561679790025,8.59863814320734,2.0142183727034118,507,18,93,11,12,175,88,127,0.049,0.853,0.098,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,9,0,5,2,0,3,0,23,12,11,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,8,3,18,9,6,16,0,0,2,1,9,5,0,4,7,67,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019919757748185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550188353418305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767363224231206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874832119286947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719790191687674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619081093139295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548659780895098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28810530907175896,0.0,0.1603291439587936,0.2262063281517679,0.17178655008983285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455861003620775,0.0,0.0,0.3272942918771536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746903489400892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868328380949762,0.17238238294456432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085482250011482,0.0,0.16730251765125445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347462612432613,0.0,0.0,0.2700450330649844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256905230533357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998813498781496,0.13449435619280584,0.13591532665794526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Remarkable_Score,2019/05/08,Raged beautu I have BPD along with Bipolar 1 mixed schizoaffective and I just find it easier to avoid as many people as possible cuz they got some dumbass's out there that doesn't know better than to watch how they speak to me.,5.328666666666667,6.268768088888893,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,68.1111111111111,9.555555555555557,23.88888888888889,9.725611199111238,1.8172222222222216,184,4,37,4,3,57,40,45,0.16399999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.06,-0.5867,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,11,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,9,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360857817861958,0.0,0.0,0.4786061847803669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473200005717832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039267383372461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088422019770536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852679937290045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263449375840139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284013960627199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CuteRegret,2019/05/08,I love you... I stopped tellng my fp I love them because they felt trapped by the obligation. So they would just say nothing which felt like a knife being shoved through my heart. At least when they would say 'I know' I could pretend it was a star wars reference. It has been months since I last said it and I'm no longer even sure that I love them. They told me that they loved me the other day and I just kinda froze. How do I deal with this? The only way I can think of seems passive aggressive which is asking if they know when I last said it,0.9512536873156314,3.1196337345132754,1.5532964601769912,100.69832227138643,83.3362831858407,4.828613569321534,18.26622418879056,5.985473137389443,-0.5328342182890857,424,10,100,3,12,129,75,113,0.131,0.703,0.166,0.8121,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,8,0,7,8,2,0,5,0,10,5,1,1,1,20,25,7,1,4,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,10,3,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,7,24,6,5,14,1,9,0,0,0,4,20,1,0,3,8,66,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531996030152186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475774368325143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411007180337252,0.0,0.0,0.10024907487110048,0.16025682478500627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266986379338154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29850288463348257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420290717679103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085685930855285,0.25341661520149983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594250662399295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5611802193902351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407460397834978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491535352487237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822282041194908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29572731616991704,0.2472319830591049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151116216599552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858559426283886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299588630653649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650494064850303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996027895044336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853422488200935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233848942635056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084713679332266,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kitanaknows,2019/05/08,"I’m About to Freak Out It’s 2:30 AM and I’m trying hard to keep myself calm and to not panic. Every few weeks, when I’m trying to sleep, I feel like there are bugs crawling  *all* over my skin. Sometimes I feel little pinches that hurt and it makes it difficult to stay calm. I turn on my flashlight and see nothing. Sometimes I feel a finger dragging down my skin lightly. There seem to be bugs in the corner of my vision, they always startle me. But when I directly face it, nothing’s there. I don’t know what this means and I’m starting to get freaked out, I’m slapping my skin, pulling at myself and bouncing around every five seconds. What the hell is going on?",1.00075,3.4279792740740764,2.2102546296296306,94.24427083333336,85.8888888888889,3.9675925925925934,21.770833333333336,5.148860815047168,-0.015805555555555184,522,18,106,2,16,166,84,135,0.13699999999999998,0.778,0.085,-0.8039,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,1,2,3,0,5,6,6,1,1,20,23,9,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,7,0,2,0,10,15,3,18,22,2,18,1,1,1,0,1,11,1,1,5,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093296366640455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147764615999233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056617513175588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27515226248248303,0.12958672887584285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947700145670357,0.0,0.1030894509367778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249191374270078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941842590120603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612298524078011,0.0,0.0,0.0996884900416067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861913821848649,0.18180278508239853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108080009655392,0.0,0.0,0.19758944277280324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481016980760693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282483593348686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454621554031502,0.16513278000603934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152334629279826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588033385670145,0.0,0.12839043676362322,0.19334010678548813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24630699328997024,0.1973027853135669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455019992728694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TrashPandaCYCLOPS,2019/05/08,"LEMME SMASH, But please don't So I'm the one with the BPD in this story.
Last year my husband and I hit a really, and I mean REALLY bad rough patch in our relationship. It was because I had shifted my attention to a different person to be my FP and I was having a REALLY bad delusional one sided emotional affair. Ya know the kind where someone says you're cool and your brain translates it to OMG THEY LOVE ME. it was a lot. But by the grace of who ever we were able to work it out.
Well, I'm having a similar problem... AGAIN.
I'm not having an FP problem, thank God. I don't have one anymore. But I'm having an emotional sexual problem. irrationally angry and annoyed with my husband at the moment, I'm at the point of being tired of him and wanting to leave. It's fucked up.
It's an awkward situation. And Idk what to do about it.
I really don't want to feel this way and as I'm typing this my emotions are so strong about wanting this that it's scary. Body and emotions wants him physically and sexually, but me myself just wants to be a happy lil Ace wife who has an understanding spouse who respects me for who I am and vice versa.
The whole thing is an absolute disaster.
Thanks for letting me word vomit, this has been weighing on me hard.",1.7527058823529416,3.87249846666667,3.889960784313729,85.34082352941178,80.01960784313725,7.060392156862744,23.141176470588235,8.109356740369918,1.3859694117647057,979,33,200,19,25,335,144,255,0.128,0.7509999999999999,0.122,0.1182,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,2,1,3,9,18,2,1,18,1,24,7,2,0,1,37,44,18,0,8,6,4,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,20,15,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,8,1,3,6,5,25,10,26,33,2,16,0,0,0,2,20,10,1,1,5,141,45,2,0.108158358979529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726402908966397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061542394046803,0.06593233174432764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013955426960025,0.1362216668718671,0.12074049873808465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300246480036748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866543845393757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783542787989537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054688116095117895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999066003599708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151365843302216,0.09688864517889728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263028702047688,0.0594410055096981,0.08816349827218993,0.0,0.11452408532513635,0.0,0.11059925000958726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195236902487673,0.09761714176329456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781616063814825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987270961458102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944397071985392,0.0,0.1187253988138988,0.1022446091067994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104788273139017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771560572614057,0.0,0.0,0.1161216004081218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601186821917776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157452715058813,0.0,0.0,0.09164222657621376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915537082907467,0.0,0.0,0.0718556077408663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431212290961224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259666610708788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31897301206289586,0.08585107100073469,0.0,0.0,0.09724735401932597,0.0,0.0,0.120754945242967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874057349693543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965043707172379
bpd,KrazyPen,2019/05/08,"Let me Smash, but don't So I'm the one with the BPD in this story.
Last year my husband and I hit a really, and I mean REALLY bad rough patch in our relationship. It was because I had shifted my attention to a different person to be my FP and I was having a REALLY bad delusional one sided emotional affair. Ya know the kind where someone says you're cool and your brain translates it to OMG THEY LOVE ME. it was a lot. But by the grace of who ever we were able to work it out.
Well, I'm having a similar problem... AGAIN.
I'm not having an FP problem, thank God. I don't have one anymore. But I'm having an emotional sexual problem.
I'm sexually attracted to my brother-in-law and it's freaking me out.
I'm not attracted to anyone usually if not at all, that includes my husband (surprise I'm actually Ace) but right now my need to smash and have babies is STRONG.
I really believe it has to do with my bpd because I'm also irrationally angry and annoyed with my husband at the moment, I'm at the point of being tired of him and wanting to leave. It's fucked up.
It's an awkward situation. And Idk what to do about it.
I really don't want to feel this way and as I'm typing this my emotions are so strong about wanting this that it's scary. Body and emotions wants him physically and sexually, but me myself just wants to be a happy lil Ace wife who has an understanding spouse who respects me for who I am and vice versa.
The whole thing is an absolute disaster.
Thanks for letting me word vomit, this has been weighing on me hard.",1.9490670013094729,3.8682771170886063,4.343199476211261,83.33196202531646,78.46202531645571,7.523177651680489,25.13705805325186,8.433251757073789,1.789466739415103,1203,45,245,25,29,420,160,316,0.168,0.6679999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.1325,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,2,1,5,11,23,2,1,18,1,29,7,2,0,2,47,54,23,0,10,10,5,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,23,19,1,0,5,0,0,0,6,9,1,3,6,5,32,14,33,42,3,21,0,0,0,2,21,13,1,2,7,172,55,2,0.09861704786416416,0.0,0.09623601303524612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886401754761402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780161228999956,0.06895533282719639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468223145947178,0.12023207409529843,0.0,0.0,0.1111076424199524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095413085550506,0.24840943906298985,0.1100892400322973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303382544936328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44372362142170096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920476572567758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498637425108675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911698716564813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497968122795646,0.08834150452402638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269447975033694,0.05419735044753607,0.08038605625133691,0.0,0.10442121451053264,0.0,0.20168522590104151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384068751510787,0.08900573596402063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742287570231507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312329141920151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004763915860498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610860235812859,0.0,0.0,0.09322498607848144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830895888483269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31588303047807226,0.0,0.0,0.10587780300622457,0.0,0.08421842004160117,0.0,0.078424234660053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084969369165333,0.0,0.0,0.08355790463088998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158665611017155,0.0,0.0,0.0655167845994299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334578936606635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266382474358383,0.0,0.0,0.1086127457107978,0.0,0.2908344495494508,0.07827762234883416,0.0,0.0,0.08866856946121304,0.0,0.0,0.11010241212252588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179438536848289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635061455376017
bpd,Jawzzy98,2019/05/08,Jealous of my best friend hanging out with my bf. How is your night going? They are playing the forest while I am pretending to sleep. My boyfriend chose a split screen game that you cant really take turns with. I keep making up scenarios in my head of what could happen between them. I keep feeling inferior and not enough. I know that he finds her attractive. Fml.,2.457857142857144,5.177175285714289,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,81.85714285714286,6.357142857142858,23.035714285714285,7.645422480735847,1.2070000000000003,290,10,56,5,8,90,60,70,0.07400000000000001,0.73,0.196,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,1,1,6,1,0,2,0,5,2,2,2,0,13,14,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,13,4,9,13,2,7,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,0,2,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27463805260677115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089461919584536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704061042903672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323234064350414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918910089526946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218880632006134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873016698898786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23142048634918486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26857974760197845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652220504487565,0.0,0.0,0.14382350120247567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468681280070847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455877650696379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765175064335672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618890425857924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676586557611286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28465450092537314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whyhedothis,2019/05/08,BPD is realizing that you are a collection of all your ex-boyfriends' interests & preferences over and over again,10.942500000000004,10.649124250000003,9.320000000000004,63.86500000000004,56.5,16.0,45.0,14.554592549557764,6.9655000000000005,95,5,16,4,1,29,19,20,0.0,0.895,0.105,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6521637127514875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7580781567689411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,willothewispy,2019/05/08,"DAE have an ""inner circle"" of loved ones that's ironclad, almost impossible to get into?? I have noticed that I have this, and that a close friend with BPD has this as well.... We each have our own tiny inner circle of trusted ones, who are the only people we really put in true effort to maintain relationships with. And it's almost impossible for newcomers to jump that fence and join that inner circle. It's a goddamn miracle when someone actually succeeds. And they have to be persistent as hell to get through, we are incredibly picky about who we let pass. Can anyone relate?",6.3453968253968265,7.325311740740743,7.0345502645502656,72.10833333333333,65.85185185185185,9.504761904761905,30.243386243386244,9.606745405546679,2.876971957671957,460,16,78,9,7,152,71,108,0.063,0.75,0.187,0.9361,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,1,3,3,7,1,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,1,17,14,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,6,16,12,2,10,1,0,0,1,11,6,1,2,1,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.22459154517985952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609205627282771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092504520505796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898637318650446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781200857904314,0.0,0.2404859793895212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23534223362138945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771782973499472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620253692458321,0.0,0.0,0.31190889382822584,0.17503815589083405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955585545469528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313626126689453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474388966741248,0.0,0.0,0.2470931476422208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950039109181486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693096478225909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UpstateAndQueer,2019/05/08,Fuck You I think a fascist mod deleted my post but the reality is: I never had any problems with drugs or eating disorders as a kid and now I don't understand anyone or belong to any community because there's no empathy.,4.850378787878785,5.834918431818185,7.293636363636362,68.8937878787879,69.22727272727272,10.412121212121212,35.12121212121212,10.504223727775694,4.125221212121212,177,9,31,5,3,64,39,44,0.17,0.763,0.067,-0.5366,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,9,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406536433457158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090039651569356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221201460903425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342575351902945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34663928124995264,0.3058582990460176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763363455413293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305368740924849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862719800244654,0.0,0.0,0.2860153287550188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152867333934048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31117457591507586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,x-i-i-i,2019/05/08,"I seem to fuck up every romantic relationship I’m in TW: Physical Abuse
I’ve been in a relationship on/off for 5 years and although it’s really bad when it’s bad he is my fp. I love him more than anything and anybody but the negative voices in my head have constantly told me that i’m not good enough for him, he’ll leave, he doesn’t love me or give me enough reassurance etc. I fucked up this past weekend, got black out drunk and hit him multiple times. I don’t remember the things I did or said but supposedly I told him “that’ll make you treat me right” and “why are you never on my side?” He’s never done anything to make me doubt my trust w/ him. He has hit me before, he claimed he was drugged and I immediately forgave him because he’s my fp. I cannot let him go. I need him in my life. Now I feel like I’m in some sort of limbo because I don’t know where we stand and he’s in shock and confused too. 
We were at a birthday for one of his friends and since I’ve broken up with my boyfriend before, some of the girlfriends in the group don’t like me (because they expected me to hang out with them after we broke up when I didn’t know them before I was with my boyfriend) and were blatantly ostracizing me. I know that’s why I didn’t control my drinking and I believe that’s why I had told him why isn’t he on my side? I don’t remember much, but I can’t stop telling myself I fucked up. I haven’t eaten or showered or moved from my bed in 4 days. We were going to counseling together, I was going alone as well. I started going to the gym. I feel like I’ve tried everything but maybe I’ll never be happy enough with myself to love someone else. I’ve made an appointment to get back on medication. I was on Prozac, Abilify and Ativan and stopped when I was 19 (24 now) because I didn’t want to depend on these drugs but this is the last thing I haven’t tried. I’ve tried therapy I’ve tried the psych ward I’ve tried exercise and eating right. The last long term relationship I was in I cheated on with in high school when things were great. Something is wrong with me.
I don’t even drink much however I am going to stop. I know nothing justifies what I did, but I need reassurance from someone out there because I feel like absolute trash. I know I may sound stupid, I just hope he can understand and we can work through this.",2.131572698822712,3.66723785743381,3.668267845611247,90.09279072077892,76.73930753564154,7.234235755799514,24.399235010680044,8.015777009494485,1.157097918632954,1832,61,415,30,41,607,215,491,0.155,0.721,0.125,-0.9378,2,1,5,0,2,0,41.0,5,2,3,2,13,29,5,2,11,0,42,18,1,5,4,75,85,30,0,5,12,0,3,4,2,3,6,3,2,0,14,28,5,4,12,6,0,7,19,12,1,1,25,7,82,17,52,53,10,64,0,1,1,6,48,31,3,13,29,253,96,3,0.0,0.08309597230247809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263649323088882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154267381083355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392784121366806,0.11711601928790795,0.2137617061655419,0.0,0.179033698035882,0.07901571819477983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578870779342105,0.0786599673453314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522989352215078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177026660898395,0.0,0.1374070082185743,0.1626637065464138,0.07176342568765562,0.058587006273929564,0.0,0.0,0.21739797992132595,0.07821667901396016,0.04632209337870965,0.0,0.059089960359965166,0.0,0.06303089344659296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638384562648852,0.15030879014684032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418447458504287,0.1945101001990784,0.03664152534584899,0.06727783103115535,0.19929060613986094,0.05882411653699175,0.056091655854234215,0.07732172705519799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746577348543976,0.0,0.0,0.07197654891418527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409921841087863,0.0,0.06965775568958775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927159318924224,0.11433528475993875,0.0,0.0742605736168444,0.0,0.07171560221579054,0.049536913935194236,0.13705349372350675,0.0,0.0,0.062065375202698725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898929361871446,0.06636140900174227,0.09362845887282904,0.0,0.07045788556484943,0.0,0.0,0.07065147929997467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454013240350618,0.10311144513346528,0.10400525584758173,0.16227235831561992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729437180768351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047523841796577725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694975170665185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492890673429716,0.0,0.0,0.22588933928958715,0.15889372029318785,0.11978616051746488,0.06671241125743635,0.0,0.0,0.07097819974131199,0.0,0.06384632282336322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801462751121386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884669139690165,0.05399170292737805,0.0,0.0,0.04964040012372523,0.0,0.0,0.1759026368950781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129921191300726,0.0,0.08020303891278957,0.0,0.1397794699675942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408950353547267,0.0,0.0,0.2010448630407816,0.0,0.2380780455380855,0.0,0.0,0.07301078186931761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04136617861096212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305786482985723,0.0,0.2531359950290276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105755822629845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766792740727225,0.0,0.045163263211628495
bpd,pocket-sloth,2019/05/08,I think I may have BPD but am afraid to go to the doctor. After finding this sub a few days ago and reading through everyone’s experiences with bpd I really relate to it in almost every way. I’m terrified to go to the doctor because I don’t want anyone close to me to know? If that makes sense. It’s almost embarrassing and it’s completely overwhelming. My family have never been open about their feelings and I just feel alone all the time now. I’ve ruined most of my relationships because of drinking and isolating myself. I’ll get black out drunk and just unload on people everything I’ve been repressing good or bad. It just feels like I’m slowly losing control of my life.,2.9857605552342363,5.401332503759402,4.547368421052628,80.68234817813769,77.34586466165413,7.701330248698671,23.764603817235397,8.617729084823388,1.9027274725274723,545,18,99,12,13,182,92,133,0.20600000000000002,0.735,0.059000000000000004,-0.9736,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,5,9,0,4,4,0,7,5,0,2,2,31,19,8,0,2,6,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,9,2,2,6,3,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,4,11,2,17,16,3,14,0,3,1,0,2,5,0,6,7,61,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382601651320885,0.0,0.3123677548476761,0.16154041825585416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905956282774633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023047987801262,0.1901587143603028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928836786907704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635341451968123,0.0,0.17493636407481586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058932627723416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319288821184578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279362061407206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314135152550482,0.14903835899935722,0.1401779799313449,0.15257098381413794,0.14703694365309186,0.0,0.236593069871125,0.11142674867608866,0.0,0.0,0.1425559926373942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148916703737319,0.0,0.17728547422003288,0.13082229009475094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571837889671116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101679533283494,0.07620026007156694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449327413866278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411282080269807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029556800667845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813165732110183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560146572838074,0.0,0.09991994468353843,0.0,0.0,0.16745603908486825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994084737905534,0.0,0.0,0.09094878926480432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199659148219344,0.12380367003597822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FickleEpicure,2019/05/08,"Think I'm gonna stop eating for a while I'm kind of over it. Gonna follow in [this guys](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angus_Barbieri%27s_fast) footsteps. I binge and purge a lot but I binge way more than I purge and it's getting to the point where I've put on serious weight. No one would guess how much I legitimately eat if they looked at me but that's because a lot of it goes right back where it came. I think rather than do that, I'll just nix eating entirely for a while. 

It's weird, so far I genuinely don't even have the desire to eat. Today I spent a long time meditating on the fact that I have complete control over my eating, no one's putting a gun to my head or forcing food down my throat. It feels good to have something I can control. I feel like if I can hold on to that feeling, I can swap one ED out for another. Gonna take it one day at a time but I don't see a reason to stop any time soon. It's not like I'm going to starve to death any time soon. Just need to take vitamins/electrolytes and drink plenty of water.

In the past I've gone on fasts that have lasted anywhere from a couple days to over a week when I decided to spend my money on drugs instead of food, but now I'm trying to be clean and sober for a while so on the one hand that's money in the bank (ok let's be real it's money I'll immediately spend on dumb shit I don't need) but on the other hand as time wears on I won't have any distractions. Like I said though, I'm hoping the switch flips and I'll have the opposite problem, cause at least that problem won't leave me looking so grotesque.",2.016254768969901,3.498099136498517,3.3199523103009767,92.69708827893177,76.92284866468843,6.357312420517169,20.9377914370496,7.021680442328713,0.23416668079694825,1247,30,289,13,28,406,163,337,0.126,0.76,0.114,-0.6331,0,0,3,1,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,2,17,14,2,1,20,1,19,17,6,5,1,45,48,23,1,10,12,0,6,3,0,6,1,1,1,0,18,7,10,5,7,1,7,6,8,7,0,5,4,10,24,7,44,35,5,55,0,0,3,0,2,25,2,7,26,171,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838918923953988,0.09451811740832744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931097252911539,0.0,0.0549476167054934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309447537285923,0.0,0.09259710930030413,0.0,0.0,0.09450854312686507,0.0,0.2021960721257859,0.0,0.09973657888076114,0.0,0.11626380128912175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830145206639309,0.10453208808463366,0.4611711422607114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059535654856681434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673026095267396,0.0643949902331819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799175817557334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709366626801568,0.0,0.051227808926160884,0.0756039298734539,0.0,0.0,0.09929776295718247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250814592717684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952790770747884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386541741963056,0.0,0.07347493987109742,0.0,0.09544369776568996,0.0,0.09217276314461116,0.0,0.13211141116587552,0.0,0.0,0.07976977047234726,0.15138734148612915,0.0,0.0,0.15326512485357982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626219759814574,0.1336731689735858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054010339659004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604743481173767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521005465405454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725008165904692,0.0,0.18122825614343893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259739115752116,0.0,0.09267743058841424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697781975082972,0.08574239205487215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718287452635682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925259149019237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939305105080286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071970939003146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554592681483502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155142722431646,0.0885606568555736,0.0,0.2628025346701867,0.0,0.08544079529759732,0.0,0.0,0.061198151094887236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154777661128774,0.07230369886920973,0.10976445697181783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403183186584276,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UsedAmbition,2019/05/08,"Honestly just lonely and need to jump into something. I have this overwhelming need to be with someone and to jump into the deep end of things super quickly. I’m 26, M and I’m just tired of not having anyone, being left to myself. Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone else like jumping in the deep end quickly? I just feel alone.",1.6063636363636393,4.2213516818181835,2.8244696969697003,89.50670454545454,85.21212121212122,4.512121212121213,18.85606060606061,5.985473137389443,0.03864242424242459,265,7,49,2,8,85,41,66,0.10300000000000001,0.762,0.135,0.5204,0,3,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,14,10,3,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,3,10,8,0,14,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,5,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928776306929175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036309281340271,0.3943114344711541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33677383644005715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214822992113523,0.0,0.34085174535027385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945853723437187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906350186887984,0.0,0.0,0.09400606695786193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853520849282926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303575670557705,0.1481333310860227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783444727664395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211570122577732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273302327446886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dontatmebitch,2019/05/08,BPD is a death sentence don't tell me its not Everyone on the internet convinces you that bpd isn't a death sentence well not all stories are happy endings most are not. I have been through DBT and many hospitals. I accepted that I will never be happy and always have the small wish I killed myself. It will never go away if that's what you are wondering. You will suffer forever. And if you can live like that then bravo.,2.66,4.900763809523814,3.8169047619047625,86.39892857142858,77.57142857142857,7.057142857142857,24.785714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.5852428571428576,336,12,65,6,8,109,56,84,0.179,0.629,0.193,-0.3847,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,0,1,8,1,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,3,15,17,6,3,3,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,1,0,10,6,3,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,4,5,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916570294214128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101135205310013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121100211303664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006752026159575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942662454972298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554268206237515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328430270177903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492640365731992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932435199504328,0.0,0.17952167521118062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061189415050658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136020619592958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769717022608122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279523979306975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337902418938157,0.0,0.22047515242641508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LuthorHarkonsWetDog,2019/05/08,"I'm kinder new to BDP, to here, and speaking to people about it. I'm a 34 y/o M living in the UK, my life used to be fucking perfect even though it was completely out of control. I drank immense amounts of alcohol, I played bass in a band that got signed and were doing quite ok. My relationships were terrible, I'd get dumped then fall into the downward spiral of hate but then someone would appear and life continued.

I was in my early 20s.

Now I'm 34 and just been diagnosed with BDP. I don't have a job as my rage just explodes over literally nothing. I've just learned the term ""splitting"" and if something negative happened at my (previous) work place it would start. I'd start looking for excuses, start taking days off and eventually end up leaving (been sacked like twice but I've mainly left before that happened).

My last relationship seemed to sort my head out, like I got depressed every now and then but I'd move on and things would be alright. I swung from job to job which started putting pressure on it and my last job resulted with me being sacked for almost punching a guy who tried starting a fight with my brother. I'm the younger and he's big enough to sort it himself but I just flipped. My episode had me wanting to break everything and everyone.

So, my then my ex left me a couple of months after. The day before my friends funeral and the spiral started again. Its been two years and I haven't been able to pick myself up.

Now I'm barely sleeping for days which then results in me having a catch up day or two. I can't bring myself to get myself employed again. But my main problem is that I'm no where being over my ex before my ex. I miss every goddamn thing about her.

I even put myself out there and was in a relationship for a few years but guess I was just lying to her and myself. I hadn't moved on from the previous. We're in the same town but my every thought and action has her in mind. 

​

I'm sick of living like my life is a documentary that she's going to see and realise whatever and get back with me. It's never going to happen yet I cannot move on. I want to, but can't. I haven't even spoke to her since 5 years ago.

​

I've literally pushed almost all my friends away bar one, because he's depressed too so it works. I can say things like urgh I wanna just shoot myself without him having to get worried about it. He knows I would given the chance, but other people would freak out. Guess that's why I still have one friend.

​

I just don't know what to do anymore, I exist from day to day feeling sorry for myself yet I feel better being depressed. I cannot be happy. Don't even know why the fuck I'm even trying to explain myself.",2.3337704918032784,4.317080571948998,3.5228010928961773,89.362431147541,77.52459016393442,5.922054644808742,24.094754098360657,6.8313827282637405,0.8050636502732247,2130,72,436,21,50,690,252,549,0.14400000000000002,0.779,0.078,-0.9909,5,0,2,1,1,0,65.0,0,0,0,6,32,27,6,1,20,2,42,12,2,5,3,82,92,38,1,10,19,4,2,4,3,5,6,3,0,1,22,27,3,1,9,3,0,13,14,14,0,5,18,7,63,13,67,63,8,85,0,4,2,2,29,31,2,10,44,290,85,8,0.060552307117843124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367596674282031,0.06471200117647337,0.12126877763175747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682519839108906,0.22073304278541533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600516177706053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056890885797274623,0.046560986502764745,0.0,0.0369121243928421,0.0,0.15457666040738893,0.0,0.0,0.05355359491468863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348794195720525,0.0,0.06791456129984359,0.0,0.06699997610260512,0.0,0.2343073723417575,0.0,0.1564608401773005,0.061459317108559335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363137122945995,0.06256671990471893,0.0,0.19997113884462936,0.0,0.15305379103912245,0.05786032436321285,0.05442050920221511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123413174407723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034768681826,0.11195926440713654,0.12654432505904822,0.0,0.06882654312707076,0.0,0.09685842312133168,0.0,0.13341038603554314,0.05995630406682825,0.16063861562173035,0.06445905689251966,0.0,0.05978286709600681,0.06214413644393349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240355285760778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983389323698627,0.09871642421962944,0.0,0.06411615017485843,0.13158051771439205,0.0,0.12830965578540254,0.11833119457041408,0.0,0.10693759310949756,0.0,0.05084868749074427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114056866661675,0.0,0.04833227383875503,0.19307255884782049,0.0,0.0,0.046701672180605294,0.0584817955397214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810157178432442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206362081815201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395869101803136,0.0,0.06326427303654072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579403801440733,0.0,0.1217435866257632,0.0,0.06440483215063661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503155032868646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815362501175573,0.0,0.0,0.04825234903929014,0.055124546214476135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050089494178156106,0.0,0.060596037269873074,0.0,0.051305773321284776,0.046616124337381805,0.0,0.06778335032802449,0.25715540783414226,0.0,0.04835715068291333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552779912501698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068478670856266,0.0,0.05949233430242521,0.04807176809322738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222208355037115,0.0,0.1183016109195692,0.0,0.0,0.05229775164013424,0.0,0.0,0.07143063918856829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927807772994293,0.0,0.0,0.05837026324748226,0.0,0.08816560151257384,0.061493807157103564,0.0,0.21507310822975534,0.0,0.22073304278541533,0.11698110149555613
bpd,jaosmf35,2019/05/08,"How do I help my girlfriend with splitting and her BPD as a whole? She's long distance, and I've known her for a few months, she means the world to me. Just, her splitting gets really bad and I feel so helpless when she does split. I've read a lot about BPD, yet I have still yet to learn how to handle her splitting. 

​

I suspect I'm her FP as well.  I unfortunately cause it as well, and I never mean to. If I take a few minutes to reply, she splits. If I have to wait an hour to call her, she splits. She's very impatient and has said so herself. 

​

I asked her how I can help when she splits, she said she would like me to stay there with her but she doesn't want to hurt me too. She isn't on medication or doesn't go to therapy and has no interest in it because she doesn't think talking to a random stranger would help, plus her mom kinda sucks.

​

The thing is, if I do stay there with her, sometimes it doesn't help out and I get hurt too in the process of trying to reassure her that I'm there for her and all that stuff, she tells me to shut up and tells me to not call her ever. She splits so often and it really hurts her, more importantly. I've talked to her about coping methods and she said that eating and sleeping might be some methods for her, and I don't know about that.

​

My question is, how can I help my girlfriend when she splits and how can I help with her BPD? I care about her a lot, and really want whats best for her",2.4655653804930364,3.6581475434083615,3.350566720257234,94.12087687566992,75.17363344051445,6.4695069667738485,22.604635584137192,6.816661863887847,0.3260384780278676,1150,30,270,10,24,366,133,311,0.07,0.7709999999999999,0.159,0.9857,0,0,2,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,1,28,13,1,0,10,0,21,3,1,6,3,58,41,35,0,7,7,1,1,1,2,3,1,3,0,0,11,21,1,1,9,1,0,1,9,6,2,0,3,4,60,7,37,34,9,21,0,4,0,0,57,7,1,12,12,195,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275789622229129,0.3673691258792899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066041251856148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310910381646502,0.04607502812479465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932026843462506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855844909292624,0.0,0.15435850250753666,0.0,0.07706246256692856,0.07764512222892574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614367048801956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734083705174287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683696446327384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038217311909211744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897856642002762,0.0,0.0429558710379607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039723460665236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443456770335015,0.0,0.24274124787529125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153874022301717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036926302722701296,0.0,0.0,0.0668890597698001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285168558998276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646652794264333,0.0,0.07614247084283014,0.0,0.08018219797956602,0.0,0.08852253561613901,0.06033006533993344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829469028375935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467086967178483,0.0,0.07560400002086108,0.0,0.14526226506134948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156917822254032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756381315728855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747540596997003,0.0,0.0,0.16112400673539884,0.06036111750268764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652507701069635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056829420133617074,0.12150238250602025,0.13212670143698732,0.0,0.0864363720679468,0.0,0.05021434947004527,0.04843088437252361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051316266326806165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236434123219395,0.0891622675129356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591737021761835,0.0,0.0,0.0843863299094744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073847650176927,0.0,0.3673691258792899,0.0
bpd,mcc6796,2019/05/08,"Unstable relationships? I am very new to reddit, I just made this account so I am not very sure how this works. I just want to say that I have been diagnosed with BPD a year and a half ago. I have been friends with someone, who I really actually love romantically. I told this person and they felt the same way. Today, I noticed their phone ringing. I said “are you going to get that?” This person said “yes but don’t speak she gets jealous.” So that told me that they are dating. I did not know that. Even though we are only friends, I was so hurt and I stormed out of their home. I feel strong feelings of hatred for my friend now. I feel strong feelings of emptiness and hopelessness for relationships. I just would like to know if anyone else feels hopeless for relationships or if they feel feelings of extreme sadness or emptiness after feeling a little bit of jealousy or rejection. Once again, I am not sure how to use Reddit, as I have just created my account. Thank you!!!",3.0330732860520087,5.3861881702127645,3.7982269503546138,86.43388888888893,76.87234042553192,6.518203309692672,25.86997635933806,7.594959193182576,1.4125345153664304,768,29,149,11,18,244,108,188,0.222,0.612,0.166,-0.9569,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,1,2,5,3,13,16,1,0,4,1,15,2,0,4,2,41,38,17,0,4,13,0,9,1,3,1,1,5,1,2,10,8,0,0,11,0,2,1,4,6,0,1,10,14,30,10,18,27,2,12,0,5,0,1,26,2,0,5,9,105,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.11109195269715924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091277664364716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959995776061696,0.11664309400248656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428439346424387,0.0,0.14337818444227565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554575942270688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509916976498052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519060799069095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604896108729535,0.0,0.1093047782148392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638587738941477,0.0,0.11895397498278798,0.0,0.06469820662024188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419135116788523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218686606417726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512757547476347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561674121713603,0.11409813561438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274553878151044,0.10771867862632653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099479101940672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960821789797294,0.0,0.12123646777058025,0.0,0.0865808662514438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988023501448301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292916980434956,0.0,0.0,0.3666664332490205,0.0,0.0,0.21657685985656053,0.09053057262435292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645672649934957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458673760724614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480908120974564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111847759952509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790752803676493,0.21755904339719706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832168194589093,0.0,0.1878607481249812,0.06714610444266585,0.09036132779147754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287727443941408,0.0,0.0,0.0808690587235574,0.0,0.0,0.07330958020318527
bpd,Gigameki,2019/05/08,"* TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT * Cross-post from /r/ptsd, maybe other borderlines can help me too..  

Hello.. I've been having a very big issue lately, whenever I hear the word ""r\*pe"", especially in joke format/people tossing it around, I end up having a really bad reaction, shaking, nausea that usually ends up getting me sick, inability to properly respond to things ( i tend to just repeat ""no,"" and ""can't,"" repeatedly) I'm a csa victim along with events in my teens.

Normally this wasn't that big of a problem. I stuck mostly to the internet where I have add-ons that censor the word whilst also warning me if it appears on a site. But not only am I hearing it more often in shows (which I'm usually able to get over quickly, even if the few minutes it affects me are rough,) I'm around people who throw the word around or even make it into a joke. I'm so sick of it. Even if one person is told not to do it, even if just around me, someone else does.. I instantly turn on anyone who does it, I know it's a sadly normal word for a lot of people (like guys in gaming communities) but I just no longer can stand being around them when they do this around me.",5.306922133660336,5.41087986695279,6.498997547516861,78.11074034334764,67.92703862660944,9.232250153280194,29.089209074187607,9.04235418022936,2.283608461066831,911,29,177,15,14,308,144,233,0.128,0.848,0.024,-0.9504,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,2,0,20,9,2,1,13,0,14,2,0,3,0,37,29,11,0,7,12,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,19,10,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,6,0,1,4,3,18,3,31,24,4,35,0,1,0,0,14,20,0,9,12,126,37,0,0.11160815446780076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925300080498469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803901662273285,0.0,0.0,0.5961295186750718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318814710488713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953380961777062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093234291812266,0.0,0.19770339560633216,0.0,0.0,0.29486453369763405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662130850545302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110509619932172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515810030376123,0.0,0.07480859334084035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648991655552292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061336922890106074,0.0,0.12589885954870952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452610672732937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488526178315128,0.0,0.0,0.07449930975877964,0.0,0.11212539231845976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870458944700685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562857390912225,0.0848830307288176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321251245923273,0.09745193555408303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688976063672807,0.0,0.0,0.10679393081518593,0.13046396002289926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149904164220036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456522709841693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414749857325571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664637445636832,0.0,0.0,0.12139762297262653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458412285299741,0.09208841598743836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jerrygalwell,2019/05/08,"I've unintentionally prioritized myself over my partner. I meet up with my partner every tuesday, thursday, and on weekends. She is/has bipolar 2 and has been having a rough time at work recently. She has more or less ghosted me most of the day and apologized saying she has been crying on and off all day at work. Because of this she says she's not feeling up to meeting.   


Immediately I feel completely abandoned and unwanted. I'm sad, slightly angry. Thinking only of myself. Feeling only my own feelings. I just want to be with her, but I can't because she's feeling bad.  


Then, being introspective of course, I instantly feel doubt, self-hatred, and shame for being so selfish.   


I keep everything inside and just tell her(honestly) 'im here for you' 'if you need to talk i'm here' etc etc. Not revealing how bad I'm feeling because I know it will just make her feel guilty and feel worse herself. Which loops back to me feeling like crap.  


So I come here to attempt to release my frustrations because no one else is fucking answering me.",4.087869147659063,6.292327438775513,5.161572629051619,78.59183073229293,73.08163265306122,7.468907563025211,31.937575030012013,8.313332769828598,2.6960339735894356,822,40,143,14,17,270,120,196,0.259,0.7070000000000001,0.034,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,3,10,11,3,2,2,0,12,3,1,2,1,43,33,15,1,4,8,0,11,1,2,1,1,2,0,2,3,11,0,2,14,1,0,1,4,10,0,1,2,13,28,1,22,27,7,18,0,2,0,1,20,8,2,4,10,100,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560723063588343,0.2076318653819516,0.3031779397438085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710503868602204,0.1303646414136796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657800252379562,0.16037374255258413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038673400424912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773365260601318,0.0,0.0,0.1047590139204116,0.0,0.1117457890268164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6286836036105496,0.0888261476988088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494725539547315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343049486601198,0.0,0.0,0.11051615244608773,0.0,0.0,0.06833218661450215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074462044549572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299569814105696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219407136812646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425375095855046,0.18912729308439727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276746956350655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775503391361365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971027211017097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993711209021523,0.10867573704543902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966992284987216,0.0,0.0,0.07250171690594216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333699421257435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103716504081194,0.0,0.12670969739276516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tweela_,2019/05/08,"I just want attention Nothing else, have a nice day",2.881,5.347857099999999,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,78.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.7100000000000004,41,2,8,1,1,13,10,10,0.242,0.623,0.135,-0.2575,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178314802541514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412238156852328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6216620203053835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821386763382773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Seannah9,2018/11/01,"Am I worthy of being loved even though I have BPD? So my boyfriend brought the BPDLovedOnes subreddit to my attention, he said it was for people dating BPD people, and I was like okay that's cool. I checked it out myself and a lot of it is just people saying a relationship with us will never work, we're are all horrible/abusive/manipulative and if you're dating one you need to leave no matter what...

For some reason it really hurt my feelings, even though those stories aren't about me it still hurts to know that purely because of a mental illness I can't cure or stop there's going to be people out there who hear I'm BPD and immediately think I'm some awful horrible person before even getting to know me... 

And then I starting thinking about my boyfriend, what if he really is better off without me? What if I really am abusive towards him and don't even realize it? I love him and don't want to hurt him and this whole thing has made me feel like maybe I should just leave him so I don't hurt him worse in the long run... 

It has made me so depressed and has made me question everything about myself... Am I really going to ruin everyone I love? Am that horrible person too and don't even realize it? Does my BPD make me unworthy of being loved? Am I just being a pussy?",4.2006787721573735,5.211641988326849,5.405570687418937,81.73760808473845,70.75097276264592,8.357025507998271,26.3400345871163,8.680891452615391,1.811933160397752,1009,31,200,17,18,336,128,257,0.174,0.695,0.131,-0.9249,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,2,20,15,0,0,6,3,26,5,0,5,3,47,51,20,0,6,8,0,2,2,0,2,1,3,0,2,18,13,0,1,11,0,1,4,9,6,0,1,7,6,34,9,23,38,5,17,0,6,0,4,21,5,0,8,10,147,52,1,0.0,0.1021829983507446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257249289786462,0.0,0.07338582751253543,0.0,0.0,0.0762742875035811,0.0,0.0,0.4344765261406149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742803486597314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754711996605125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848110600409069,0.0,0.0,0.0824081935593775,0.07750899956563953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721337525744445,0.06161150145668759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505803133700135,0.0,0.09802694938994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720131649983096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692965741407072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947930023806381,0.0,0.0,0.18263624243528026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426724265368052,0.0,0.0,0.07632170316137665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733201016801299,0.3113480962245609,0.2448135893480325,0.057567391014809365,0.0,0.08664196115622387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691193298253043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394755721767564,0.06651536234824197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058440000319677714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23915814978752076,0.15060686326777045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661109012064804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099604953269356,0.0886714265973731,0.0,0.09259193253497927,0.0,0.0,0.08203615675473024,0.06858332189159715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061042729068851026,0.0,0.06887319553277779,0.07210240704291979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729553813260125,0.11052114033725934,0.16946520277755375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373884308553397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086793070299623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962864247814819,0.0,0.08313447953756402,0.0,0.06278540636169093,0.0,0.08788825033774922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drowningndespair,2018/11/01,"I know my BPD caused my fiancé to commit suicide Everyone tells me it wasn’t my fault. Sure, I didn’t pull the trigger but no one knows what really went on inside of the relationship. We were so in love, soul mates. I tried to commit suicide last year and that’s when I was diagnosed with BPD on top of depression and anxiety. I would go crazy over the smallest things. I’m so embarrassed how I acted, I mean outbursts like trying to slit my throat and arms in front of him. I’ve ran out of the house barefoot before, had cops called on me, and he was even arrested once. I was so attached to him, I wanted him to stay home 24/7 so he could never see his friends. We fought a lot about that one. He told me he would never leave me because he knew I felt abandoned and he loved me beyond my problems. He told me I was his only reason to live. I started spiraling down big time the month leading up to his death. We fought all the time because I was incredibly controlling and wouldn’t let him leave the house. So we decided to go on a break, but this time was different because he actually changed his relationship status to single on FB. He came home that night and he was drunk and crying saying he loved me so much and I sat on his chest and wiped his tears away telling him it will all be okay. I asked if he wanted dinner as I walked to the kitchen. He declined and changed and said he was running to the gas station real quick. He said he’d be back.. but he never came home. I got the call two hours later that he had shot himself.

I can’t explain the way I feel, but if you too have BPD, maybe you will see where I am coming from, no one else does.. “it will get better” they say but are you kidding I’m going to think about this every day for the rest of my miserable life.

My entire world feels shattered. I’m literally losing my mind. I was too attached or maybe too in love because I don’t know who I am anymore",2.399015151515151,3.9909041035353567,3.6016161616161604,90.61409090909092,76.14646464646464,6.517171717171718,23.363636363636363,7.229369725052465,0.7357181818181813,1499,45,327,17,33,487,207,396,0.17600000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.1,-0.9890000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,4,37.0,4,3,1,5,18,18,2,2,14,1,31,12,3,6,8,65,71,29,3,9,8,0,3,1,2,6,2,4,4,1,12,21,3,2,12,1,0,14,10,9,0,4,28,9,59,9,38,32,6,53,1,4,2,4,62,19,0,4,18,203,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.07670586705712483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013161110111934,0.0,0.07795374344468743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734838435854174,0.0,0.07385075840459003,0.060441389110165375,0.0,0.19166433023734325,0.0,0.06688595453533558,0.0,0.0,0.06951858007335536,0.0,0.0,0.2969958044945505,0.0,0.1605263208923876,0.17980337235931365,0.0,0.08074764657710141,0.1663045724855009,0.06771012271588069,0.0,0.0,0.08816072712562227,0.06275865397190343,0.0,0.08634246740048987,0.05069288019433625,0.0,0.06770124684463093,0.07978109526487169,0.0,0.08212413074938284,0.0,0.0,0.06878662270801543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566330050135191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051916998850501,0.0,0.06622700271776699,0.07510919852760578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948877937427583,0.0,0.07547187337062954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072901934176431,0.0,0.041067186098618334,0.0,0.13401687292441214,0.0,0.06286655503020566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23653774343948245,0.0,0.07740880551786082,0.18139621970637188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959560440501186,0.06407250206638651,0.0,0.16645992587525205,0.0,0.08037760313119728,0.05552011397250213,0.038401794678879934,0.0,0.06940850227960578,0.0,0.0,0.08793742803535086,0.0,0.06682605012072197,0.2837716125117219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793595224520982,0.0856224667110634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936732399293854,0.0,0.06274071898141155,0.0,0.05778275967260198,0.0,0.18187204475547827,0.0,0.0,0.07376424247446038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837103692347225,0.15979169290252698,0.059781651642025535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521311992113587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894682128148566,0.05035553942281155,0.08081768931422292,0.0,0.16878190244064786,0.0,0.0,0.14954022696039704,0.12501762548470485,0.0,0.0,0.1252739352328832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563609949774776,0.08378107972189935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195936764956374,0.0,0.07408305177601067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137406187082509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222080187022681,0.05036607352099865,0.0,0.0,0.13750333903163206,0.0,0.0,0.15021839705521153,0.0,0.10673349768956077,0.0,0.07678438790729328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272499106795606,0.062391953948034214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286641224537385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167561856427133,0.0,0.0,0.05061820209793605
bpd,effigystones,2018/11/01,"DAE have """"alters""""? I couldn't think of a better term, but I'm not talking about actual DID alters where you aren't conscious for ""switches"", have ammnesia and have multiple fully distinct personalities each with roles, etc.

I mean you're fully present, you're just...Watching yourself act like a different person. You might have consciously chose to create some but others just kinda spawned. I feel like I can talk to them in my head, but I'm not sure if that's ""real"" or not? They aren't even close to being like real people, more like characters. None of them do much good for me at all and a few are kinda messed up. What's up with this?",3.81072,5.539772832000004,4.4834,85.18270000000003,72.68,7.240000000000001,23.7,7.908726449838941,1.187559999999999,504,14,98,7,10,161,85,125,0.054000000000000006,0.787,0.159,0.9353,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,3,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,13,1,1,0,3,30,18,7,0,2,9,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,1,11,7,14,14,9,9,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,6,6,66,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.19030232448207068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247112757098626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203744688343568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748849286621166,0.12880273622388622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860327550891104,0.1393156917667368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635657331799185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013725131775764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810895344540801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242383494432585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068755483659099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335531169337884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519587370681085,0.3405516639732908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44392976754292063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379528839953208,0.0,0.0,0.3134844471974093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495499019576795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leaveslover,2018/11/01,"i need help what is the point anymore? i’m so tired and exhausted of hurting constantly. feeling like this. if i didn’t have this lil baby in my tummy, i think i would just end it all.",0.7149999999999999,2.7240568461538466,2.735576923076924,92.81567307692309,83.1025641025641,5.951282051282053,22.57051282051281,7.1686216300943375,0.7272512820512826,143,5,32,2,4,48,34,39,0.215,0.629,0.156,-0.5431,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,2,6,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266900269099358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559793496330945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917628993293385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656154230262216,0.2353333230347641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207991625124516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526443436822516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093496967127488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442561986672349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114025678876427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110750964204556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37861276630420576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340061504540349,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imaginary92,2018/11/01,"I need some support I'm sorry to ask for help, I'm a person who never asks but at this point I don't know where to turn anymore.

When I accepted to start a DBT therapy path, I was doing quite well financially.

Due to a certain number of issues, I no longer am.

It's coming to the point where I either pay rent or pay for therapy. But I NEED therapy badly right now.

So I started a gofundme after thinking about it for a long time.

I set a goal which is approxomately what I'll need in the next year and a half, but anything is appreciated.

I can't post this to my facebook because I have people on there that I don't want to make aware of monetary issues.

If any of you, or people you know, can help, here is the link. I'll appreciate it even if you just send the link to someone else and spread it, it'll be great.

This makes me feel very humiliated, so please, even if you don't like it, try not to be mean to me. Just ignore me in that case. Thank you.

https://www.gofundme.com/need-support-for-dbt&rcid=r01-1541104069,67-0e7fd6325cd5445e&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_m
",6.087330316742082,6.870756843137258,6.147647058823531,78.9367194570136,66.35294117647058,8.433785822021116,25.986425339366523,8.384062270229773,1.4183126696832584,852,21,169,11,13,270,120,204,0.10300000000000001,0.718,0.179,0.9606,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,5,0,2,14,9,0,0,11,0,15,0,0,2,2,33,36,13,0,7,12,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,3,0,1,8,0,3,2,7,2,1,1,1,1,21,7,22,32,2,24,0,0,0,0,12,9,0,6,12,111,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25098032271012355,0.0,0.0787610944794404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148616223725386,0.0,0.0,0.09530941408432143,0.0,0.21655081897073744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967042763327687,0.07060236926796226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976807017238584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675216214949857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299510846231634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856171721772736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769118529022286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552624686132203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417705133226257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730251485503508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056583458906794476,0.0,0.0,0.10249643440397298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462056197779542,0.0,0.0,0.12616116947545594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435141686918076,0.08932698290770306,0.0,0.12317513771848465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605890369089479,0.10112894394582277,0.0,0.12713480968714758,0.21897334606060728,0.0,0.11092287239194996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318808025641954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890904795052508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981333156297594,0.0,0.0,0.12965022221822753,0.16395499095757152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26286073445511565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663084909159146,0.39734838418732,0.0,0.0,0.07421232979351837,0.0,0.0,0.06753516425212303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863370098972486,0.12597813823760934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955630507029275,0.0683132229313769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413545853996584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458383084162465
bpd,chachacha69,2018/11/01,"Thought I could get done answers here from anyone who has ever struggled with alcohol abuse I’ve been asked by other significant others in the past to quit drinking. I was once sober for three months and it was great but eventually fell back into it. 

My current SO saw me being destructive to myself and him and suggested sobriety. I want to not only for him but myself. 

I’m surrounded by drinkers and work in a bar, but am going back to school (Columbia!) in January so it’s important for me to focus. 

Booze has been a coping mechanism since I was fifteen. I rarely drink out of casualness, only to get drunk to deal with anxiety and I intrusive  thoughts. 

My drinking was five to six glasses of wine and three shots a night. My perpetual state was hungover or drunk. 

The people around me drink but I don’t think they see the extent or darkness behind mine. 

My therapist suggest AA but I never thought that was me, that I was just someone edgy who dealt with shit like everyone else. 

I know my own reasons for quitting are the most important but for some reason I crave people understanding that alcohol is an issue for me and not just some “break”. 

I’m on day three and SUFFERING from withdrawal, man am I tired and out of it, but am starting to eat again and have clearer thoughts and moods. 

Sorry for the rant, but just wondering if anyone has advice for communicating to people about sobriety or admitting to yourself that you indeed have a problem. 

Thanks guys",4.742674762061043,6.663548559566793,5.422981621266823,78.60829586478505,70.6245487364621,8.790876271742697,29.91942894650476,9.339509955726095,2.826698194945848,1169,48,209,26,22,378,160,277,0.145,0.792,0.064,-0.98,1,0,8,0,1,0,23.0,0,1,1,3,12,10,2,1,10,0,23,14,1,2,2,55,43,25,0,4,17,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,12,18,12,0,12,9,0,2,4,5,1,5,15,2,29,4,39,26,5,24,0,1,2,0,13,9,1,8,12,158,41,2,0.0,0.12827795715310158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579665408744944,0.0,0.2314076698900964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282348481550694,0.0,0.0,0.1514047412586769,0.0,0.0,0.09638003253337482,0.1012144509673484,0.0,0.0,0.16650032758230032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644189518791788,0.0,0.0,0.06982285882827054,0.11161788443053336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079409663107538,0.0,0.4242393421581639,0.0,0.11078353607815417,0.09044266854690268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793313961360683,0.0,0.10345316631039432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312943065951538,0.0,0.06153027909070472,0.0,0.0,0.11936406681764901,0.0,0.1072007384031494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300197285030945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059500371363436035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289348481160554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641719206778742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350170712394872,0.0,0.0,0.1016006640207436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530016189909564,0.0,0.16468292222182151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335251087230568,0.2251748288836184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359630453339276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303092450656585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263174197959584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957135722628496,0.08627428803704848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113388384898892,0.08955906882041148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173375293873896,0.0,0.0,0.12119534917469747,0.07663150142770693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318352814721055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967713720303237,0.0,0.1257056124989934,0.0,0.0693727250791304,0.0,0.34380565087500725,0.0,0.12443627786364142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270912041626678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385831635893019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741027141848327,0.0788192145180517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,warlockclan2,2018/11/01,Vent post(if this isnt the place to do these let me know and ill delete) I've been diagnosed since 16. I've gone through so many doctors and had so many scary experiences with doctors being invaliding or gaslighting or straight up being verbally abusive. And it's been a couple years since I've seen a psychiatrist. And I've been needing to see one for a while now cuz I have been having psychosis stuff act up cuz of how chaotic my life has felt lately and it's been making me a monster to almost everyone especially the only person I have ever loved. But I am so scared of having what is the 'usual' psychiatrist experience for me. I hit up like 4 doctors near me like 20 minutes ago and I'm just so scared of trying to find a doctor I can trust. But I can't stand hurting the person I love even if I'm not in their life anymore. I want to be healthier I'm just terrified of trying and not being able to get healthier whether it's cuz a doctor is a dick or I'm just too sensitive and fucked up ,3.1387135922330103,4.5357268883495125,4.782706310679612,83.70473907766991,73.80582524271844,7.674271844660194,26.95266990291262,8.278499904357787,1.737263106796116,793,29,163,13,16,268,117,206,0.153,0.745,0.102,-0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,12,9,1,2,11,0,23,13,1,5,1,33,40,24,0,3,12,0,1,2,0,0,9,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,9,3,14,5,20,25,0,18,0,1,2,4,5,8,2,5,9,109,21,5,0.11456451647469006,0.13574021829413907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155453142743594,0.0,0.11471981443928406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361721593899456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676345842731546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628057265768388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5863081856303364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566878264784474,0.10363016409370664,0.0,0.10947130504606156,0.0,0.22413216063882252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999990193101693,0.0,0.10470989254665368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591304941282684,0.05985523138198413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264368436584445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296166213354659,0.0,0.1292337646625458,0.0,0.0,0.11714998007883885,0.16184061212268208,0.11194087174456484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679789803152976,0.0,0.07647270435490544,0.2323008761868941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494813732426541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763188131624055,0.08713147725383108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006663365260066,0.1196955359016918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972113822538876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293981338653097,0.0,0.09129308691237786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953790380982136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114896204309745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556357294789344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617662934389726,0.0,0.06757312008104263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377579246448374
bpd,AresEspada,2018/11/01,What hobbies have you tried and stuck with? I'd like to find some hobbies that I will stick with and enjoy but this is almost never the case. I need something healthy to occupy my mind; any suggestions? ,2.8888461538461527,5.437834230769234,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,78.48717948717949,5.951282051282053,22.57051282051281,7.1686216300943375,0.8110974358974365,161,5,31,2,4,49,33,39,0.036000000000000004,0.7759999999999999,0.188,0.7399,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417340378131798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834215761386327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809251816100924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361541713879427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208243629535329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090336915709021,0.32144289581982183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32085407864962384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829631510255281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,supermermaidthing,2018/11/01,"How do you know if your breakup was due to BPD or not? Like, how do you know? There were millions of issues, but I wanted to take responsibility for all of it so it could work. Tolerate his drug addiction. Wake him up so he could hang out with me (he'd sleep through the day). Not respecting my experience, not asking questions. Being evasive. Lying. Anger, always anger. Angry when I had feelings. Denying he was angry when I asked him why he was so angry. Blaming me for everything.

​

He said that there's a cycle-- I do something, I apologize, he forgives, and it goes on again. But I think that at the root, whatever it was I'd done, was in reaction to all HIS shit. Like, if you're doing coke around me secretly, lying to me, getting mad when I have feelings, being absent....of course it will be hard for me to value your opinion and honour your feelings endlessly. Which means I should've walked away. But I didn't. 

​

Anyway. I am just left wondering......how do you know how much your BPD contributed to the breakup? ",1.6740201005025137,4.356168904522615,2.9314854271356805,88.22293668341709,86.08542713567839,5.797065326633168,23.537889447236186,7.24861992348623,1.1934496884422114,808,31,155,13,25,260,119,199,0.254,0.6890000000000001,0.057,-0.9940000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,54.0,0,7,0,2,15,9,4,0,4,0,23,6,3,4,2,36,37,17,0,5,10,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,5,1,0,11,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,10,5,28,5,20,20,3,16,0,0,0,0,24,8,1,5,8,111,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462673378923515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164189302407347,0.29075071795888496,0.3260674506705558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944156969062247,0.2508655077435949,0.0,0.12605905666108608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33796999747133666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425092681312144,0.0,0.0,0.08652987179525437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730458961494574,0.0,0.0,0.15559697997419425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058518613144585,0.13124600946950687,0.0,0.0,0.20352425810239785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009935782860338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201918017818494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400407601097689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212123475999904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577832376489544,0.0,0.0,0.13109937164873972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615269518912688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863189401112132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030340153848054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276283436402782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772568014170344,0.0,0.0,0.13426894639784545,0.0,0.0,0.10329219833395098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088068289191583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597203133644978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913815074787152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106940504900135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767884961605487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260674506705558,0.0
bpd,opheliastears,2018/11/01,"This really sucks In some ways it’s nice to have the diagnosis, to understand why I feel the way I feel and to know I’m not alone (in my feelings at least).

But it doesn’t stop the moments like this, where I’m so upset it physically hurts.  It doesn’t stop my brain from trying to convince me that ending it all is the only way to stop the pain.  It doesn’t stop me from feeling utterly alone in the world and sure that I will never be loved.  It doesn’t stop me from feeling worthless. It doesn’t let me reach out to anyone because I don’t want to add the feelings of rejection in this moment.

I can’t even comprehend how I will even survive, but I know that I will because I always do.  It just hurts.",5.291554054054052,4.410952479729732,6.135810810810809,84.02236486486487,68.12162162162161,9.291891891891893,29.31081081081081,8.472884824447931,1.8179297297297297,549,16,123,7,8,182,76,148,0.182,0.721,0.09699999999999999,-0.9255,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,1,1,7,0,15,3,1,1,3,28,29,6,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,15,4,0,5,9,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,0,6,15,5,17,24,3,20,0,4,0,1,1,8,1,1,10,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736807584936572,0.0,0.0,0.10993756083125107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238401199509898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108284769288805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749382324297594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170224437826058,0.0,0.0,0.1745330079551273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008344878376949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828824568076983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522353728305049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510550645567548,0.0,0.06454900017892154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924686085612815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190199657447023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048608078881284,0.14058900666863955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464187026655802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5523069390369835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245250895780333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970336697895867,0.0,0.0,0.13754550413587807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793002273833531,0.3146210962455251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922115186194394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nassavap,2018/11/01,"Im bad at making titles, but I needed to write something somewhere For starters, I don't even know if these feelings are real or validated or anything i should feel, because it may jsut be me, wanting to wallow in misery and self pity because it gives life a purpose of being miserable, i guess thats better that not having a purpose, or maybe it makes you feel like you have a right to hate this thing called life.  
But for real, i dont know. Somehow ive managed to turn this day, as well as many other days, into a fucking horrible mess. It was good, I had a decent time at uni, everything was fine.  
Then it wasnt.  
I dont know what cocktail of impulses or feelings makes me feel this bad, but i just want out of this feeling. I feel like im trapped in my apartment so I want to move. It's not impulsive decision, I know that in the long run living closer to action would be good for me. I like my current apartment, but being 3km away from everything just isolates me. Silly me, thinking that it would be good to have a bit more space for a bit cheaper rent a bit futher away from everything. Of course I cant really afford to live closer if i want to keep my sanity, and my washing machine, so that most likely wont go nowhere.  
So how I got from looking at apartments to being a crying mess in the shower? Good question, I wish I knew. But I know that its the worst. Somehow the future has nothing, nobody cares about me, nobody loves me, nobody nothing. And I shouldnt think that. I have great friends, some older friends, some new, from uni, I somehow actually am comfortable with most of the new people I met when I started this semester, something I never thought I could do, and Im almost convinced that at least they dont hate me.  
But yes, that was fun, and it wasn't the first time.  
So now I have been writing this for a minute or two, and stopped crying about 5 minutes ago. My mood is somehow, not good, but decent, or ""normal"" whatever that is. Only thing left is my red face and eyes, My cheeks hurt, don't know why.  
I dont know what Im trying to achieve by writing this, maybe knowing that im not the only one, although I know that already. Maybe tomorrow is better, but most likely it wont be, well we can always hope  
what a mess",4.476740018148824,4.844083230263163,5.3182909860859064,84.93947368421053,69.76754385964911,7.693163944343617,29.320629159104648,7.372421405659032,1.6220802480338778,1747,62,359,16,29,571,214,456,0.14800000000000002,0.667,0.184,0.9159,4,1,2,0,0,0,63.0,1,2,1,4,18,38,3,1,18,1,44,8,3,4,1,92,88,33,0,15,22,0,7,5,2,7,3,0,2,1,36,11,1,2,22,1,1,4,17,12,2,3,11,10,48,25,43,62,11,44,0,3,3,2,15,20,1,22,25,245,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0626595373639333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691814523989869,0.0,0.06429687546552305,0.0,0.07085715048774753,0.0,0.05342772713111565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283922383360613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065450879164268,0.0,0.1072250616983833,0.07828343986318677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357676362226565,0.210301531486872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556542144527537,0.0,0.06546620696277786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126632908710964,0.0,0.14106297913681334,0.08282006429200171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30101379740664497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240999097075047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312298043790214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272649559032184,0.09174303905533752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054616853532747874,0.0,0.0,0.09921671972461872,0.05936095853671795,0.0,0.061595925366239465,0.0364919294033094,0.2692808192842608,0.0513544713720963,0.07079157065386334,0.070734373218324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678783890494993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637748550283772,0.0,0.0,0.06873795724693321,0.0,0.3467882056539897,0.0,0.0,0.05707265232579161,0.0,0.0,0.3175924187273663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976417447581974,0.0,0.09070661187674296,0.15684841204724173,0.0,0.11339692278622487,0.056823684120296876,0.05392009041445967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795188373191805,0.0,0.12858169198891367,0.06509869537239217,0.1935222313590529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824489377771081,0.0,0.04761077964833337,0.04952258378238497,0.12402851907143952,0.0,0.0,0.06291200604831282,0.12322213840438845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351024650398429,0.0976689470689767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044515015373759376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192971121104914,0.0,0.0,0.14616970093257364,0.04113446500246035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483484893950689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698486238777558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886373722038938,0.0,0.0,0.04544805226784576,0.0,0.0,0.05368229785775186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531632354863274,0.08228614020654604,0.0,0.050975437319627434,0.074882543237548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043594263666178835,0.06984186303557433,0.06272367952585313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149049910526508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115464707357038,0.0,0.05793938961147638,0.0,0.07383814232186582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912256501690682,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imayhavefigureditout,2018/11/01,"DAE time travel? Does anyone else find themselves able to go back in time to a point in their life in their head and relive it. Like down to the minute detail of the music playing, the furniture, the pictures on the wall, how you felt at the time, how emotionally stable you were etc. For me I put on the album Issues by Korn which came out in 1999 and I closed my eyes and was immediately back in my apartment I shared with my now soon to be ex wife. I remember working at a greek restaturant as a line cook and coming home around 10pm and playing donkey kong on the Nintendo 64 and when my girlfriend got home we would go out to the local bar or have friends over  Life seemed so simple then. We were just 20. Not married yet, no kids yet. Just the 2 of us. Yet for some reason my relationship fell apart over the next 4 years. I remember calling my mom at the age of 21 and telling her I think there is something wrong with me. I shouldn't be feeling the things I was or thinking the things I was. Over the next few years I thought I was struggling with bi-polar disorder. My girlfriend broke up with me off and on and eventually left me and met someone else. We got back together a few months later and I thought I had things in control for the last 14 years but I started to fall apart again in 2016. Now we are 10 months separated and divorcing at the end of December. I am trying to overcome what I now identify the problem to have been all along as borderline personality disorder but am realizing that I may not be able to handle the complexities that go along with a relationship as I struggled to do so for the past 21 years. But for now I will listen to the album and go back to 1999 to when was everything was simple. ",4.25396551724138,5.171214224137934,5.154080459770113,83.93646551724139,70.55172413793103,8.328735632183909,27.718390804597703,8.59863814320734,1.8090839080459769,1362,46,285,22,24,445,182,348,0.057,0.909,0.034,-0.8671,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,5,2,2,2,23,10,0,2,26,0,24,6,2,4,1,61,42,28,0,3,9,3,2,1,3,4,2,1,2,2,8,30,2,1,13,6,0,10,4,5,0,0,17,4,40,5,57,18,5,75,0,1,1,0,26,32,0,5,34,204,48,1,0.19323801134176005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755825526885717,0.09899758921565806,0.0,0.08601139946583197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971762057024418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986588074424094,0.1105064028906837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322871815403038,0.0,0.0,0.10836643054070058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214675023538397,0.0,0.08455194296657652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614255627160057,0.1086833768171076,0.08557576098416443,0.0,0.10775573140374124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868349322675369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885347234349238,0.0,0.09276939732746273,0.0,0.08830802078231126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464760410751561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964323003448227,0.0,0.15455009029828998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991589744021338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383348104017656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008451395146539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787573851886712,0.0,0.0,0.10497683236480633,0.0,0.13648972213761024,0.047203165756304594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131590117005711,0.15424073705482744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055108172994037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223377358122742,0.0,0.08436398898303296,0.0,0.0,0.0913361903815174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245133974529504,0.0,0.09712878704766748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934042970233543,0.0,0.2074653068741085,0.21890099735119212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879583140066963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186496996441234,0.07438203094297513,0.0,0.0,0.06838742950914191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020143259248407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444926961140986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256812244479354,0.1238191150588833,0.0,0.1534093961100324,0.16901795758845475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559796261242651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622076743767418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033978685520438,0.0,0.0,0.0686353694938939,0.10563771519549464,0.0,0.24887788749405296
bpd,Gabapentin09,2018/11/01,"I want to hurt myself just so I don't have to go to work. Any advice on how to deal with all of this? I'm a full time college student and I work part time. I can't take it anymore. I'm having a mental breakdown every day simply for the fact that I have to go to work. There's nothing wrong with my work and not really any issues but I'm not studying or getting my homework done and I have no time to see friends ( which are all things that affect my mental health) I hate being like this where I can't even function like a normal person that goes to school full time and works part time. It's so frustrating that I can't handle it. I'm going to have to quit or I'm afraid I'll have to check myself into a hospital. Luckily my parents will help me pay for things but I feel so terrible doing this right before christmas. It's just that for me right now my mental health and school are the most important things. I hate this. Any one been through this and have any advice?  
tl;dr
Work and school are affecting my mental health really negatively. I need to quit working. Anyone dealt with this and have advice? ",2.0535714285714306,4.01348062280702,3.2907769423558904,90.80710526315792,78.29824561403508,5.9218045112781965,20.06766917293233,6.868970318607317,0.2741300751879701,874,21,183,9,21,283,110,228,0.11800000000000001,0.779,0.10300000000000001,-0.7665,1,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,9,10,10,3,1,6,0,20,3,0,3,3,31,36,16,0,3,8,1,1,2,1,1,3,0,1,1,19,12,0,0,1,0,2,3,8,7,0,1,2,2,22,3,22,32,7,17,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,3,9,123,41,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581946317990875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23957331564004075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734572536560717,0.06158337702817394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749444729335581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568004331259332,0.0908004095886099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013026367080727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581720354022517,0.0,0.07420612962965567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453285234338547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804574111199903,0.0,0.046015021216439814,0.0,0.1501634233270543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739096492248845,0.0,0.28085557754546864,0.0,0.0,0.0590341345653797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428502083871827,0.0,0.0,0.0919263563494154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605699901885785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550314402545832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530574272326102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862938038726106,0.08450936245830565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968121053683127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779573573277513,0.1907510825899308,0.0,0.0,0.07690280514893348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735504521249235,0.0,0.0,0.11284489808197022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042940122227866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674067197945822,0.07018356180729372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622067458806748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755373231728797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567832400170517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051948317338325514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488323621921009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629507478233984,0.0,0.0
bpd,2111throwaway2111,2018/11/01,"How bad is self-diagnosing Hello 

I have no way of seeing a psychologist until next year and even then it’ll be hard, I have extreme social anxiety so talking to a psychologist is a huge challenge. So after years of doubt I have been telling people I’m borderline. I know it’s bad to self-diagnose but when I read the DSM5 diagnostic criteria they literally just describe me perfectly.

So how bad is it that I call myself borderline if I’m gonna see a psychologist eventually? 

Thanks",3.4882795698924767,5.993350516129035,5.8227956989247325,71.72086021505378,76.09677419354837,9.724731182795699,29.68817204301075,9.994966539143718,3.6417655913978497,390,18,69,13,9,137,65,93,0.16399999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.134,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,2,1,9,16,11,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,9,3,6,12,0,9,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,7,45,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290961017909426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679371846847236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907545259650316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792176865107065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338665024153113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673456188986161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266622922231773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867520980079567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951095972188634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868611699486453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977277495463477,0.0,0.38976842945417417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904298977458274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015129715595818,0.16328071269482022,0.17199011673059195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828157193445948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059982419622866
bpd,lexifer_615,2018/11/01,"Thinking about applying for disability. I had a mental break this past weekend. I ended up in the hospital for four days. I came back to work today, and now I am so behind on work and overwhelmed, and I’m ashamed of all of my absences. I have taken so much time off work due to my BPD. Its always been this way, no matter what kind of job I have. I can never keep a job for more than a year.

I’m thinking I might need to apply for disability. Does anyone have any advice/helpful resources on the process?",1.6454368932038859,3.7043299029126255,3.4347669902912656,88.78244174757285,80.06796116504856,5.673398058252428,22.921359223300968,6.742157984588678,0.664053203883495,392,13,81,4,10,131,70,103,0.057,0.9179999999999999,0.025,-0.6124,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,5,0,8,0,0,0,2,12,16,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,0,10,1,18,11,3,19,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,11,58,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075690685798433,0.0,0.0,0.1313818322998913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350891169421084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855797801758538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24332716838014115,0.0,0.0,0.22096799752365548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459726509316307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690696017183801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711168226147008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949710608156967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834400636715449,0.17172400075263733,0.0,0.20118685554122495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469898398367635,0.2049534320863696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202337285120575,0.14325448751694486,0.14900685123539803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443014811056044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24758802380689146,0.0,0.0,0.11265579386322774,0.0,0.18312990463802215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335224189159782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219531567689532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441371492718005
bpd,OttiliaWestman,2018/11/01,"Can't trust myself (I have no diagnose)

Does any of you feel like you can't trust yourself at all? I mean I feel like I'm so deep in my thoughts/feelings all the time that I don't even know if I am feeling bad or just making it all up. I can't trust it when I'm happy, I don't trust it when I'm sad. So I feel like I'm numb but I can't trust that either bc that just sounds like my attentionseeking self trying to make myself depressed or something. I don't trust the feelings of motivation/hope bc I know they will go away so I don't even try to make something out of it. Then I feel bad about me not doing things in life that I should so it ends up in some self-pitty, attentionseeking, ""I'm useless"" kind of state. 

And I feel like only I can fix this by just ""changing how I think"" but just the tought of trying to change makes me give up lol. It's so hard to explain to my therapist what I'm feeling/thinking bc I barely know myself and I feel shame.",0.836698564593302,2.4405875023923467,2.701913875598088,95.28339712918662,80.67464114832535,5.356937799043063,19.61244019138756,6.05967700443912,-0.2721157894736845,744,18,180,5,19,248,99,209,0.19699999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.091,-0.9688,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,0,15,20,0,1,3,1,14,3,0,5,3,38,40,16,0,2,11,0,9,5,0,2,3,1,0,1,13,3,0,0,14,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,0,10,30,13,21,38,5,17,0,3,0,0,6,10,0,4,10,110,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625079395806003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053478211993028,0.0,0.18724416917385728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372328293617109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657556674617382,0.11380742379113964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812385121690936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931200802686818,0.0,0.0,0.14811879607635967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102569633676514,0.3204166797072669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756326633916337,0.06372485027702013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936219844399318,0.10044454384406802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676391781420314,0.1848676283902078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919922782237182,0.27390005783011284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29938488516372624,0.0,0.0,0.1221401175639076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527829482373579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339476369863131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264301874991106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301890947653707,0.07449277187066704,0.14369401810967253,0.0,0.0,0.0653826604156271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283823823915637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pivoine34,2018/11/01,"DAE find it difficult to love more than one person at once? i feel like because of the infatuation and obsessive compulsions i feel towards my fp it makes it hard for me to love the other people in my life because all my other relationships pale in comparison (at least in my own mind)

is this relatable at all?? ",5.537999999999999,6.5300948000000005,6.97666666666667,71.76000000000003,67.66666666666666,10.666666666666666,31.66666666666667,10.686352973137794,3.545166666666667,248,10,46,7,4,85,43,60,0.083,0.73,0.187,0.8496,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,8,6,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,7,3,12,6,5,7,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32459876616907485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692411225106357,0.19020419474418024,0.0,0.0,0.2433414607149125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385016110367512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805544537915594,0.1300729786915134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805897643085127,0.0,0.1777194029136366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882973384089365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835403179663156,0.18041328224192146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845795112168373,0.23247329210870715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28584555726180216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Goatsandducks,2018/11/01,"I’m having such an awful time at the moment and can’t shake the feeling of killing myself. The only thing is I’m terrified to do it. I feel sick to my stomach. My FP is a nice person. They are amazing and patient but they don’t make my life easier. I can’t tell if it’s me or the illness twisting things. 


I feel so alone yet I’m surrounded by people. I want to kill myself to end the pain of living with BPD, but am so scared about if I change my mind when it’s too late. I wish I had someone to talk to about it, but to put that on someone would be so selfish. It’s not their problem. 

I hope you all don’t mind me posting here. It’s not so much that I want people to give me attention. I just want someone to listen to me. 

I hate my meds. I can’t be myself and honest in front of a therapist as I can’t shake the feeling that they are being paid to sit there and listen to me. It makes me feel dirty, ashamed and embarrassed. 

The people who made me who I am today aren’t bad people, no ones at fault apart from me. That’s what makes it so much worse. I am a bad person. How can I expect anyone to love me if I can’t even look at myself in a mirror. 

Sorry for putting this here. 

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bpd,queenetc,2018/11/01,"I keep pushing I keep pushing my girlfriend away, unintentionally of course. She wants to know what’s going on and I don’t want to talk so I push and get nothing resolved. It’s frustrating her but I honestly can’t help it. She’s starting to get mad about it, which just makes it worse. Fuck.",-0.03915254237288224,2.2055143220338977,1.711000000000002,93.30412711864409,100.69491525423729,4.393898305084746,21.154237288135594,6.2581,0.3580901694915255,231,9,49,3,10,75,42,59,0.22,0.623,0.158,-0.7232,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,13,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,7,13,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,1,29,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711393240250204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667963316467096,0.3015521930698824,0.0,0.16401205673745078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343545078941216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513023194140326,0.0,0.0,0.1586012354920962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926357243616594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769093973071449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426512516722534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23195729910472915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34043511456788306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940973434480605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPD175425,2018/11/01,"A letter to my mother? Opinions? https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Tjtn5JBKYpQ8lrG1ROD2FqfTKFYworB9x9JywljxJ14/edit?usp=drivesdk


Has anyone here attempted to write a letter to their abusers for therapy, and found it to be an impossible task? 

I either get to volatile or bored and quit. This is what I have so far and I feel like I haven't even started. 
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bpd,desd11,2018/11/01,"The realization of my BPD I have not yet been diagnosed, but I have very recently come to the realization that I have BPD. Reading the posts in this sub make me feel more sad about my life because I can see that I'm not the only one dealing with these thoughts and feelings. Though I no longer feel alone, many of the posts describe exactly how I feel and have felt for many years. They describe the silent suffering I endure every single day. They remind me of the feelings that I never really understood or could consciously accepted - until now. The emotional rollercoaster that is this disorder is so harsh and mean. My emotions and my thoughts make me hate myself most days. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. I keep thinking about the fact that one can get help for BPD, but it scares the fuck out of me to think about being any different because I have lived with this for so long. I don't know if I could be happy living any other way. The days that are good feel amazing, but there are so many moments where my thoughts attack me and my relationship to others. If I don't try to get help then I know my thoughts and feelings will one day overwhelm me. I'm happy thag I know because I finally understand where some of my feelings come from, but I'm disturbed by all of this and the stigma that BPD has. 

I'm sorry but I just needed to let this out somewhere.  ",5.429726203208553,5.8040430400000025,5.6940962566844915,83.0507914438503,67.69090909090909,8.94331550802139,29.994652406417107,8.841846274778883,2.190214973262032,1096,38,221,17,17,349,137,275,0.162,0.725,0.113,-0.917,1,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,2,0,14,13,3,3,12,0,23,3,0,3,4,64,61,23,1,7,13,0,9,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,13,0,1,23,1,0,2,8,8,0,3,7,10,36,5,27,48,6,24,0,3,1,1,6,5,1,5,14,155,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652490495774967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136236215875708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504173129028452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527803214628312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208757575992971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392904931950254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334038846842783,0.0,0.0,0.2155121793015748,0.08612871889784303,0.0,0.08479394760016049,0.0867039955427602,0.0872842020575524,0.09574702030722447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879482881518109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038821640041637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379330589877633,0.0,0.08021396616114004,0.09151679932419028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723375759872468,0.08729508700203434,0.0,0.0,0.07007154208846599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778652334468868,0.0,0.08248098967601736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199364417838124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425647266999459,0.0,0.0,0.13773843104869254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542793559684528,0.059008586173323135,0.0,0.0,0.22130885339802725,0.0739325434325468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153062524041367,0.2540971531957953,0.0,0.09100234750589034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061945755343070334,0.0644331784020199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983181780012133,0.06353788726459036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002137300617755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835651754480221,0.0,0.053519508061651656,0.0,0.08248820689676149,0.08969345271516505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836406843291561,0.0,0.06657261011857883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351906474530887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706140808888677,0.08208014854022062,0.26529386765193996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056719919551263764,0.0,0.0,0.08697075920299625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893136759074417,0.0985511418179734,0.0663122016083762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053798674511260816
bpd,rinsue_8,2018/11/01,"How do I stop caring about my mom? My parents neglected me and my siblings growing up. I used to fight and scream with her constantly trying to tell her I didn't feel loved and I needed her affection. She just argued that she was sorry it didn't come naturally to her and that she would try. She never did. We even went to therapy. Nothing worked.

Fast forward to now, I'm 21 years old and finally out of the house, living with my boyfriend. I'm sad about her almost every day. I want her to call me and ask me how I'm doing. I want her to tell me she loves me and that she wants to fix our relationship and be a part of my life. I want her to recognize how awfully she raised us and apologize for what she did. But I heard from my little sister that she complains all the time that she worked her ass off for us and she doesn't understand why her kids treat her the way they do. This breaks my heart.

How do I move on from this? My boyfriend doesn't understand. We had a fight last night because I broke down for the third time this week over her and he's getting frustrated. He had loving parents so he doesn't know what it's like. I have no one to talk to who understands. My younger siblings are naive and defend her and tell me I need to get a grip, and my older siblings have so much resentment they don't even want to talk about her.

I just want to forget about her completely and move on with my life. Does anyone have some advice for me?

TL;DR: I can't get over my mom not showing any love or desire for a relationship with me. I've been heartbroken over it since I can remember. My boyfriend is losing patience. I don't know how to stop.",2.08503421309873,3.8568770586510297,3.2383079178885663,92.0907952101662,77.53372434017595,6.775405669599218,21.923851417399806,7.675431598112923,0.7111664907135875,1291,36,288,19,30,416,163,341,0.161,0.754,0.084,-0.9832,2,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,5,0,2,3,16,18,5,0,8,1,26,8,2,7,2,60,56,24,0,10,5,5,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,14,23,0,3,7,1,0,6,11,11,0,2,10,4,70,7,41,44,4,34,0,4,0,5,62,11,1,3,18,197,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850360823090495,0.0,0.0,0.09069241604390932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159046391352985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332840116845001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467039145033795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521041454982882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924817331597654,0.0,0.09234178855034077,0.0,0.0,0.0780177290105949,0.0949605489261,0.09787361007097738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058409927956616876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925810609599304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196407918017778,0.0,0.07630883158932514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579473348931557,0.0,0.0,0.09921461836021732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419567031231307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732546461331388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450520944986284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954941585184968,0.07382634830277321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279440365134088,0.04424775337284501,0.09077457712338947,0.0799746552609849,0.0,0.0,0.10132426519353499,0.0,0.0,0.32697056035089034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121481456346177,0.0,0.1925223972253314,0.06657910966337785,0.13431248734184234,0.06985289315294534,0.0,0.0,0.08499347585282856,0.0,0.08690401641665575,0.0,0.09503760627597696,0.0,0.061372334962502564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113374367941986,0.09807809886785508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447580654611216,0.10259775153504057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492014571514358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138530178751276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144055620926394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559289879932427,0.2374855835034841,0.0,0.10357428152032963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562377590754496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298168671231892,0.0,0.0,0.2828585815897133,0.21788826117867466,0.07822309324021769,0.0,0.0,0.3205219368456229,0.07188996800352257,0.07264950560914803,0.0,0.0,0.0839589676773772,0.08172501680570468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187155951089444,0.0,0.0,0.06433807676584237,0.0,0.0,0.05832388150958227
bpd,re_Claire,2018/11/01,"I had a dream about an ex boyfriend abandoning me Apologies to anyone who reads this drivel. I just need to get it off my  chest. 

As the title says, I had a dream last night that some guy and I were flirting and he seemed to like me. Then the dream switched to some sort of game show/reality show where there were a few women, and a few guys and we'd been getting to know each other and falling for each other. The guys were going come out at the end and decide whether or not they wanted to be with us. We dress up for the finale and wait and one by one the guys come out and say of course they want to be with my fellow contestants. 

My guy doesn't come out. The show ends and I feel lost. I walk out of the building and come across my guy and it turns out to be an ex boyfriend from when I was 22. (10 years ago now) He is lacing up some new.trainers and I ask whats going on. He makes a joke about if I help him Lace up his trainers then maybe he and I will go and hang out. I do and then he walks me to my house and makes another joke, hugs me and leaves. I feel bereft. 

I woke up and all I can think of is how the dream was so accurate to how he made me feel in the relationship. He would only see me once a week, didn't say he loved me for 6 months, would make plans to see me and then break them all the time. I adored him and was so in love with him. It was an incredibly tumultuous relationship and we argued constantly. We eventually split (he ended it) because I was unstable and he was unable to really commit emotionally. It was a bad combo. He then used me for sex for the next 6 months before I met someone else, and ended it. 

But since I was diagnosed with BPD I keep looking back at relationships with a new lens. Times when I thought I was wronged and mistreated, was it just my BPD placing unreasonably high expectations on people? The constant idealisation and devaluation. The intense anger and distress. But was he also cold and noncommittal? I guess it hurts because at the time I thought he loved me too. I was in denial about how detached he was at times also. It's all such a mess in my head. I look back at all my past loves and think ""they didn't love me enough"", but then when I look back I realise that a) I often made it impossible for them to love me, and b) I pushed them away, and when they loved me too much, I freaked out and left them. 

And now I'm alone. I've been single for 3 years now, and I'm so lonely. The very thought of being in a relationship with someone terrifies me and due to past rape trauma I'm terrified of any sex. But night after night I dream of finding love and physical intimacy, and wake up bereft and so alone. 

Basically BPD fucking sucks. I'm so miserable. 

To anyone who read all of that, thank you!",2.7273228785225285,3.976429838879164,3.97831674892533,89.65396135169561,74.60420315236428,7.362537812450245,23.13489094093297,7.924219607001951,0.8623656742556918,2142,58,489,31,44,702,252,571,0.12300000000000001,0.795,0.08199999999999999,-0.9818,0,5,0,0,0,0,60.0,5,1,8,2,32,31,5,2,30,0,35,17,3,9,6,112,91,66,0,7,10,2,3,1,1,3,1,3,0,7,19,60,0,3,12,12,0,12,4,16,0,2,30,12,71,15,70,53,15,87,0,5,5,13,65,31,2,9,44,321,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053121091634443285,0.0,0.0,0.1241312470969114,0.0,0.09584615747558613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04075197151103443,0.06283800081221759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380379157004883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056023045792553634,0.0,0.056302776475021014,0.13823898742918947,0.05003599734303985,0.0730610908859471,0.0,0.050992908250043885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22642541194859844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648496978097544,0.0,0.1295181856364742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082398164446263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006077406119057,0.06740907548354477,0.2123078285081517,0.061919936668298314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090168619928383,0.0,0.0,0.06564638491066056,0.05477159629236189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540094296198109,0.06261808678256954,0.0,0.10217257348674023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601562833079748,0.3560190359670657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150172166248129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040167367781503344,0.06331547670542897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914695957209617,0.06415239481695527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532652914328256,0.0,0.0,0.032933953577864786,0.04884797177404298,0.0,0.06345334970873079,0.06511015229873478,0.0,0.0,0.029276986570665273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096911811364627,0.0,0.06541668770543957,0.0,0.4326869490404781,0.11340751861891155,0.12000390760918273,0.0,0.06020407108018923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956652782721584,0.0,0.044052760895603255,0.04443462761877773,0.0,0.11575448038773732,0.06373235080527913,0.16871045385082994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381960469306598,0.08121528844039609,0.045576687936888384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441295969174325,0.041545384179534316,0.0,0.06261027884719081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988512957396913,0.06820930341889893,0.038390352944912415,0.0,0.0,0.2573538831946232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429675112720117,0.0,0.0,0.0955070811178684,0.05455469642114971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957169421669808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155080015733467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055172129756427685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679676798555428,0.0,0.14272447910320746,0.1397741414227794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518265819442548,0.0,0.0,0.07208401794641789,0.05175712382530171,0.0,0.049445512984457325,0.07069222521921956,0.0,0.04806930155667112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513991630643944,0.06552005399597975,0.0,0.07718120652665908
bpd,okcomputits,2018/11/01,"Being an idiot is pretty hard Hi fellow pwBPD,

I recently moved away, after having therapy and getting a lot better. Shortly before I moved, my therapy time run out. Looking for a new therapy place in a new city is hard, the waiting times are long and difficult for me to bear.

And since being away from therapy I feel like a giant idiot. I can’t remember the last time I did something really right, at least in my perception. Just yesterday I accidentally made chocolate stains on my boyfriend’s favorite jacket. Trying to fix that, i spent the whole morning cleaning it, and because of that, i am now late for college. Also forgot the letter I was supposed to drop off today. It’s like, no matter what I try to do to fix things I only make them worse.

I can’t stop believing that I am a horrible person, I can never do things right the first time and even when I try my very best, I still fail at the simplest things.

I hurt other people behaving like an idiot and since I don’t want to be like this, I end up hurting myself as well.

I haven’t done anything to myself in a while, but it’s becoming harder and harder for me to keep things this way. I feel like I’m slowly but surely becoming a monster. I am becoming scared of myself, and remembering why I used to lock myself in my room for days on end without seeing anyone. If I wasn’t so scared of the psych ward and scared of missing college, I’d send myself there. 

And I know it isn’t anyone’s fault that I behave like this, physically and emotionally stupid. I just wish I could turn it off and not be this way anymore, if this makes sense. I don’t wanna be this giant burden to everyone around me, all I do is stress people out because I keep making stupid things or being irrational. 

I just wish I wasn’t so stupid, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. Thanks for listening to my rant.",3.1668548387096784,4.779317244623655,4.725569892473121,83.26835483870968,74.13440860215053,7.433118279569893,24.227956989247307,8.131152278815165,1.4322853763440864,1453,44,284,23,30,488,186,372,0.19,0.7040000000000001,0.106,-0.9854,0,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,1,4,13,28,6,4,16,0,30,0,0,5,3,52,56,23,0,7,10,0,4,6,1,0,0,2,2,1,24,15,0,5,6,0,1,4,12,17,1,1,8,8,49,11,43,41,5,53,0,4,2,0,8,23,0,5,29,201,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135219420538748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608467964738627,0.10728748300343914,0.0,0.06313323883295079,0.06829621725404694,0.0,0.0,0.14416014027387114,0.0,0.0,0.09353443799839052,0.25419047986089666,0.065282258411895,0.08643609427247474,0.08051190668640743,0.06785176260554401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125391638108501,0.0,0.0,0.04947743853668979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851022141294185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629860182606705,0.1359006085275154,0.0,0.0,0.05067220701975525,0.0,0.0,0.0733083371756187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758291067246632,0.10961620507865176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652571822259475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04008253561998648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845146797037415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745039399449566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425865320904828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363828280847122,0.0,0.0,0.04216278188043282,0.06253626289783704,0.08654242671511211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488630694948905,0.0,0.0,0.06789394242867744,0.06442467733345694,0.0,0.0,0.0652237902999874,0.0,0.07259341730450533,0.15363167891043158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308041130828732,0.0,0.0,0.05917045866161332,0.1481914674086155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058348292371649235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637465478653024,0.06698811268955221,0.08015507534696448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805085184173376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914818604156528,0.0,0.07575080350378036,0.0,0.1738154496388994,0.13103529398419633,0.0,0.06101006548857996,0.23042744951903074,0.0,0.0611351476476843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692557701951193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906207057003771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061267930073497526,0.06414055858253419,0.08788140918534874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230679390885156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063259099152508,0.3509396657164261,0.0,0.2548436294175564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894197316456825,0.0,0.07272068607752122,0.0,0.0,0.20834878789669486,0.08344829275782767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626062423527072,0.0,0.06330124848208231,0.04525088167008988,0.12179201713587945,0.0,0.0,0.06897963688210322,0.0,0.06922700707519237,0.08565407623247802,0.17644623580647406,0.0739544236274041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818326323210298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KintsugiOfTheHeart,2018/11/01,"Anyone else prepare extremely mean things to say for when shit eventually hits the fan and you’re prepared to attack? I’m talking gut-wrenching low blows you know will hit a nerve and fuck with their self-esteem. I feel like I do this to try to protect myself.

I also may just be a horrible person lol.",3.4884999999999984,5.350990850000001,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,73.83333333333334,6.8000000000000025,25.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,1.3212333333333333,241,8,46,3,5,78,51,60,0.22899999999999998,0.595,0.17600000000000002,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,3,5,3,0,3,1,4,2,1,0,0,8,11,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,6,6,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,2,1,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22525878782318404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969566751683753,0.2886136704390125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320450801974517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235306862153268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242548812002806,0.2012317065558707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604079200369823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480354469222235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761424932874428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30683127131552224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459514489815317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400263878033866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938528810577486,0.0,0.28913969377020216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264031046620413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713517190561554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191241715206324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theangrymasochist,2018/11/01,"Finally got confirmed by my psychiatrist today what I've known for years I only wish I had gotten my diagnosis and treatment back when I was making suicide threats in high school. Oh well, better late than never. I'm scheduled to work with someone who is trained in DBT, that is if my insurance goes through. Imagine that, I finally get on the path towards recovery and the American healthcare system stands in my way. I hope it goes through, I really like my psychiatrist and I'm excited to see my new therapist; for the first time in my life I feel hopeful.",4.320870020964359,6.4822891792452895,5.367484276729564,77.55791404612161,72.30188679245283,8.862054507337527,33.47589098532495,9.444778638647367,3.479433123689727,447,23,79,11,9,147,75,106,0.064,0.767,0.168,0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,1,13,15,5,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,2,14,6,15,11,0,22,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,3,13,50,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454052886586618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724250305171176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561402443096194,0.0,0.0,0.4142969385776925,0.0,0.1608473247926708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879630724874056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123956804634878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979324222762046,0.0,0.37563551017102254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331165924379503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335660599034069,0.0923841116575873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262249033400845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584463591337105,0.1826327790805097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381814252575342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114151996061735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137805982194328,0.15068724413946585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022278177448634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068433722219042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195582571739405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102650187108381,0.0,0.17924353172586094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009780892454785,0.0,0.0,0.17002251214647898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745426350881672,0.0,0.0,0.13766616324741232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177341381114945
bpd,oojjj,2018/11/01,"Being a borderline and having my first ever relationship is freaking me out I have been struggling with depression, anxiety, and BPD for most of my life and have always had trouble maintaining healthy relationships. I have never been in a romantic relationship and just started one recently. 

So my boyfriend (25M) and I (21F) met on Tinder.  We have only known each other for 3 and a half weeks but we spent so much time together during these 3 weeks. I have been honest and open since day 1 and he knows about my struggles, but just like most people he doesn't really understand what BPD is. I feel strongly towards him and felt I was in love with him after knowing him for only 7 days. I tried to push him away by blocking him in fear of getting hurt, but he stayed and told me that he wants to try to have a relationship with me. I also want to do my best and try very hard. But I'm living in constant fear and anxiety. I don't believe that he has strong feelings for me; I don't think he understands where I'm coming from; I think that he will eventually leave me because he can't handle me; and I feel scared and insecure for wanting to talk to him everyday and wanting to see him and meet his friends.

​

I'm always very very happy when I'm with him, but whenever we are not together and he's busy doing something that doesn't include me, I get overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts that he doesn't like me anymore and he doesn't want to see me anymore. If I know he isn't busy and he doesn't reply to my messages after reading them, I immediately feel like he doesn't want to talk to me anymore and finds me annoying. The thought that follows is that I need to cut him out of my life and be alone forever. I don't know how to deal with this. I know that he'll call me to try to make me feel better, but then I just feel like I'm no more than a burden to him and I hate myself for troubling him.

​

I keep hearing the thoughts in my head that I'm better off staying single forever. I don't know how a relationship is even possible for me. I have a lot of love and passion to give to him but I'm scared of hurting him and getting myself hurt. All these new feelings are overwhelming me and I have no idea what to do. 

​

I just wish I can be ""normal"" and be happy. I hate BPD so much and I want to love my boyfriend and be loved by him. I don't have a single clue how relationships work and I don't even know what I'm doing right now. Any advice?",3.6929022047587883,4.644082485265232,4.8306499672560586,85.61212208033182,71.88801571709234,7.855948482864004,27.891344684566693,8.167268648758528,1.6903188823401007,1951,70,412,28,36,643,208,509,0.156,0.6809999999999999,0.163,0.8773,0,1,1,0,0,0,52.0,3,0,1,7,19,39,4,9,10,0,47,8,1,4,3,105,109,47,0,11,13,0,10,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,16,44,0,2,26,1,1,3,18,21,0,3,12,13,75,18,56,90,11,37,0,6,2,5,55,14,0,4,22,278,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671512961063389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060110996302690324,0.0,0.04641384141693188,0.09658634898598152,0.18865599788767967,0.2115715507661936,0.03946857324191151,0.0,0.08879949402243119,0.0,0.1726775529945962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054529638067341984,0.0,0.0,0.035380092175235724,0.0,0.0,0.06539018244125534,0.06090844700041044,0.10266172189018416,0.0,0.0,0.2192946162838638,0.0,0.059264402747147976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999553917868505,0.0,0.06271964038069329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748608265996217,0.05983575602598784,0.04998898544711563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666854662076088,0.05249968209553156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062023010118196,0.234770472955612,0.08292627876053474,0.05572663068154635,0.0,0.05304667920805144,0.049368022552076604,0.0,0.0,0.04484085900308369,0.0,0.09096909129084793,0.05567638624171665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123567386700092,0.05199162696772073,0.11460317622719905,0.059564853329415836,0.0,0.06541427556040366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863961471992661,0.0655190710502816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158781227551156,0.0,0.0,0.22327737223883645,0.0,0.0,0.06145501892455792,0.0,0.0,0.08198945510598712,0.1134198759884666,0.0,0.05124958212843413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934276106671018,0.20953018842780716,0.0,0.03874154501953473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533082231105035,0.043035251783436375,0.04476332624214576,0.056054517338207314,0.0,0.0,0.05686598792307299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039328791237803085,0.08828269059197537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023699903474142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543035642004064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805479884482459,0.0,0.037181328922426087,0.0,0.05730660209575505,0.3738735898411812,0.0,0.04956506799612943,0.0,0.0,0.11621451347261096,0.0,0.0924992849781782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048010537192970416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468132904939609,0.0,0.0,0.04108036849764095,0.12372390081893456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135012253510165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329924836791198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437821409840781,0.0,0.13822966958477892,0.03384306165762135,0.0,0.0,0.05545884023018943,0.0,0.15761893647151748,0.0,0.0,0.1208414845979033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436649893256713,0.2396307240693977,0.0,0.09311091850676682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674209222183868,0.0,0.0,0.042253150685697904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115715507661936,0.0
bpd,decodemeornot,2018/11/01,"I’m Desperately Struggling To Hold On To The Woman I See Myself Becoming.... And everything she desires, too.

The person I currently am is sick and tired of falling in love so fast that the relationship goes to shit before it ever really begins. The person I am is tired of desperately clinging to people and depending on them for my emotional stability. The person I am can no longer take the intense stimulation that comes with feeling strong emotions. So strong that not even three times the sleeping medication dosage can knock me out. I feel drowsy, but my heart is thumping funny. 

The person I am is tired of thinking about the person they love walking away from them or realizing that I’m just too much of a mess.

I want to be stable. I want to be okay. I want to be strong. I don’t want to be dumb and torn anymore. 

It’s easy to say, “Well, go and get her!” but we know it’s never that simple.

I want a family someday. I want a good career. I want to be a great lover and to be loved back just as much. I want to be content with myself and able to accept that sometimes things happen... There’s nothing I can do. 

I want to be grounded. For once in my life, I don’t want to be scared anymore.


But I’m losing my fight. I’m losing the desire to eat and to sleep. I just want to lie in bed and cry, or as much as I can. (I have difficulty crying now). 

I don’t know... 

I really don’t .... 

Someone please.... I want to know if there’s hope for me... ",1.2135698198198206,3.3095195236486497,3.326918918918921,88.78384684684687,81.80405405405405,6.1088288288288295,20.67747747747748,7.3011,0.5935580180180179,1113,32,238,16,30,378,142,296,0.162,0.595,0.244,0.9740000000000001,1,0,0,0,1,0,52.0,1,0,3,5,15,21,3,2,14,1,27,15,4,2,2,52,60,20,0,16,10,0,2,0,1,0,6,1,1,6,10,14,1,1,8,0,0,4,7,8,1,1,0,4,37,13,40,51,3,20,0,2,1,4,19,8,2,5,8,164,47,1,0.08111533354133217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608892290653565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621052601557991,0.0623726845425565,0.0,0.0,0.08958551298830718,0.06902317441705877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987367740337264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782027700250514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830012366780014,0.0,0.18248766481717146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357591278711938,0.07337346312862132,0.0,0.0,0.07290123144004912,0.0,0.07646831738295451,0.0,0.08202869976313508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237941386341797,0.0,0.04609971335513409,0.06803569328353629,0.0,0.08942994159160197,0.0,0.0,0.07173002156309717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612206080158237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056582877765832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337365978952371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729415894564941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814946194679772,0.0,0.0,0.2196292664253483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817151647769908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888731020833235,0.0,0.06256114582876836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783235022555167,0.0,0.0,0.08638518290341766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623515890457658,0.3541339024201149,0.0,0.08904027775088404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039291194868006,0.0,0.0,0.08708751165724384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450616896316094,0.08121059955922147,0.0,0.06463841879480504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326372422151282,0.0,0.0,0.16234782813024656,0.0,0.06872875888036413,0.0,0.08022513898608556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479935864450502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060988635895267075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053889423283674916,0.05197543043967047,0.0,0.0,0.04729900330018361,0.2796904300744649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741271041820204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293242641359447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,4play-,2018/11/01,"does anyone else struggle with being aware they're 100% irrational and selfish and unable to control it? this will be all over the place but i need to vent. will probably regret not having made a throwaway but whatever.


tldr;; at my worst i get to the point i cant stand that my s.o. has had an existence outside of me and i know that's ridiculous but cant stop it. 


knowing he has memories with others, and has loved others kills me. i feel so inferior, i know im not his first and definitely not the best. i cant be mad at anyone but myself over it either. it's the shittiest feeling because it's not fair at all to him. ive been so fucked up to him when he never deserved it and it reminds me even more how undeserving i am. i compare myself to an image in my head of how i picture them being, basically everything im not, stable, happy, not a total piece of shit, and most importantly to me at least, they had to have been loved more by him.


i break myself down over all this and i cant exactly say, ""oh im upset because youve loved someone before and it's not fair."" i have to hold it in and it kills me even more. i simultaneously want to push him away so he can be happy and be the person making him happy. ive had people rub it in my face that people dont stay with people with bpd longterm. i just dont want it to be true.


just knowing someone else can relate would be a comfort. ",1.6381928345627017,3.3523792260273986,3.9441095890410938,86.78850895679666,78.65753424657535,6.410115911485772,22.53213909378293,7.321109707123232,0.8094284510010539,1082,33,231,14,26,375,140,292,0.231,0.65,0.11900000000000001,-0.9923,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,3,11,21,6,2,10,0,33,7,3,5,7,55,49,21,2,5,14,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,19,15,0,3,6,0,0,1,14,12,0,1,6,4,37,9,32,32,13,23,0,2,0,4,16,15,2,1,4,176,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309591694109825,0.11217079715582874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285602869851176,0.0,0.0,0.1334707474727026,0.0,0.09315576180712913,0.0,0.11488799842975687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788081824460738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278631222223273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580292731143564,0.0,0.2566094221822437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829058080569768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461534150950134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838970474526887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070841179096176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311997886606696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120852533356373,0.05719653749234992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34961677144075765,0.0,0.0,0.11235365721494282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547576430283177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422372951236837,0.0,0.2406599380308128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964182943162016,0.10358855921491587,0.07307588327347549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117484819940186,0.08443441276681513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276900090010677,0.09558996305311653,0.11437881115482018,0.0,0.10348992703198973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803332624561914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705947476008169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237523811765968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551681940541012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668653547276756,0.0,0.0915265914942988,0.0,0.11444777673587388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914321461812045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776839991975508,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,D-e-v-i-n,2018/11/01,"I can’t see a relationship being possible for me. I am not a fan of labels so I will be saying things I do rather than talking about “my BPD”. It’s a personal thing do what you like. Regardless, I can’t see how my behavior is tolerable to anyone. I am impolite, inconsiderate, forgetful, spacey, y’all get it you’re most likely in a similar place given your on this sub. My doctor said that my behavior and inclination towards manipulating people and hurting others for personal gain in other words — again hate the labels — but I have psychopathic tendencies. Contrary to popular belief I want connect and envy those who have it but I don’t know if I’m capable of making one. I have had relationships in the past but all superficial lust I mistook for love. I never had anything in common whatsoever. I would appreciate advice from anywhere. Even though you guys don’t get anything from helping me it would still be nice. ",4.786490503715938,6.819707075144514,6.690557390586298,69.10406069364164,70.73410404624278,10.029562345169284,30.854252683732447,10.290406445055957,3.7070680429397207,736,32,124,22,14,256,115,173,0.08800000000000001,0.75,0.162,0.9514,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,1,8,7,1,0,6,0,20,3,0,3,2,23,32,10,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,0,3,13,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,4,23,5,17,22,2,12,1,1,2,2,15,7,0,2,7,98,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998237206369975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447474335167696,0.0,0.2694503071576578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619584894276827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757130192193045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081335442171494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107076611482502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210558419494014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616366576673031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973606400747564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526245040901145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997458975900413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996772752154118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776099778739402,0.0,0.10928237865607704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626865464020753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093888625165152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628641558383896,0.11350076416109918,0.28590276491075434,0.1710494350656722,0.0,0.0,0.1845663352427351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515416090050873,0.0,0.0,0.1557323718848649,0.13019434128117846,0.0,0.0,0.26092252854925113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074461949353952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158953499826093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175326198784958,0.0,0.16085113579492688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965645370849942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259974007300716,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Itsjustmarian,2018/11/01,"I need friends who understands people with BPD. Nobody in my life understands how I work. They just get annoyed and ghost me out. I need friends now more than ever because I'm about to move and I don't want to. I just feel like I have to. and I bought the ticket a month ago, I thought I would be ready but no. I hope someone can find a way to guide me. Sounds stupid but I can't do this alone. I need someone to remind me that I'm human and I'm worth it. Even if that's a lie.

​

If you wanna chat you can add me on instagram: passing\_chats

​",-0.166946778711484,2.062100932773113,1.2871932773109265,99.96417927170867,90.09243697478992,4.1817366946778725,18.857703081232494,5.6839178017228535,-0.4466979271708675,437,13,102,3,15,139,77,119,0.129,0.75,0.12,-0.2584,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,1,7,6,2,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,1,27,22,9,1,9,6,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,5,2,2,1,3,2,0,0,2,2,20,4,12,18,1,9,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,5,65,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327193788711266,0.0,0.0,0.15506667414302913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244471056207012,0.36385685080971175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126904496577228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885694182218957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888986431030984,0.1354319774559461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075703861746223,0.10696131354820282,0.0,0.0,0.1368430507739989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313494468237084,0.0,0.07822348268999411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870757139551216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575296451637424,0.07314652905885696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950654552797205,0.15913062302238706,0.0,0.3330505452627145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379827322100756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537176610280444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886241813098547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117314346404252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830982132932344,0.1188422288765766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899928385652433,0.0,0.0,0.106358100536508,0.0,0.36385685080971175,0.0
bpd,WileyNinja,2018/11/01,"“Good emotions” What is your answer to the question “can you remember a time when you were [happy, content, satisfied, relaxed, etc]?”

My answer is always “ummmm.... (silence)”, or in my very best moments it’s “this one time I almost....”.

Does anyone else feel wholly incapable of the “good” stuff? Being able to laugh uninhibited, truly having fun, enjoying a beautiful moment, a sense of accomplishment, being connected and present, satisfaction, unqualified pleasure, relaxation?

For example the thing that really hit me is when my fiancé proposed. I care about him so deeply and really wanted him to ask me, so when it happened I should have been ecstatic, joyful, gleeful, grateful. But instead of saying “I do” I responded “are you sure?”, and afterwards just felt sad because I couldn’t even for a second bask in and enjoy that moment. And I wanted to, so very very much. If anything were to lift me into that space that should have been it, but nope.",5.404944396920445,7.773254802395211,6.2322027373823765,71.62690119760481,69.83832335329342,9.082805816937556,29.892643284858856,9.606745405546679,3.302810436270317,740,30,114,18,14,243,112,167,0.021,0.742,0.237,0.9842,0,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,4,0,2,10,15,0,0,7,0,18,0,0,0,1,24,26,15,0,6,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,3,19,14,14,15,3,14,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,4,10,93,30,1,0.16679662296981726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702272418200265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878815210976495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662807699515007,0.17090285134554686,0.13725940871082892,0.0,0.15593232658776127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167767321211826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504276527295667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006027352991834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596484878349394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393371756160971,0.18762375062935746,0.0,0.0,0.18602232530740773,0.11016759637514766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433738425130362,0.0,0.16015091525444627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798021874698132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749770283790273,0.17755810672197173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261470974823005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302570845487965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868503909266352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370837549218644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889480587663928,0.0,0.0,0.13264336931183598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909422275580252,0.0,0.0,0.15720384319210218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108122647727005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945209043932213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128740469167741,0.196761939558168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mushroots,2018/11/01,"Why am I this worried about someone who hates me? I hate bpd and myself so much right now I feel like my ex fp never cared about me and it’s gutting, the wind is being knocked out of me over and over and over. People use me and leave. Never again will I betray what I know is absolutely certain such a waste of time ",0.05093283582089825,2.2550931044776132,1.7658022388059709,97.31944962686569,88.10447761194028,3.9470149253731344,17.330223880597018,5.148860815047168,-0.7575358208955225,246,6,56,1,8,80,50,67,0.209,0.68,0.11,-0.7532,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,3,12,11,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,11,3,8,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079034651871952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492551242857203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361220382132905,0.17465058434720054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827302513820517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343552166915013,0.0,0.0,0.25886016174043736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943649174934334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797147804315147,0.0,0.3771031910447067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948584933102614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087774398687346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207140022349218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255337591284414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111449987453378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059762476934752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24827281150397365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imgonnarockit,2018/11/01,"How do you react with marijuana? Every doctor I’ve seen say “NO!!” And like a scared teenager I go “okay” and never ask why. I spun out so often, it seems to me right now that weed would actually calm me a bit, you know? But I don’t know. Does it alter my already screwed up brain chemicals too much to fuck with? I’m not on any meds,  and I’m starting group treatment soon (finally). What do you think about weed and this illness?",1.0678661616161629,3.1558489431818195,2.839242424242425,92.12191919191922,82.29545454545455,5.729292929292932,21.141414141414145,6.937597516519254,0.4006398989898989,329,10,73,4,9,109,68,88,0.18100000000000002,0.748,0.071,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,7,6,2,1,2,1,4,5,1,2,1,18,15,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,2,9,3,8,13,2,10,0,0,1,2,6,4,2,2,6,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.2177474915432868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462349296803632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173939528688882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860102653904675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24360553809501986,0.0,0.0,0.24909236269129298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283880427428642,0.19526686968091064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800079143209075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24443339499333905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062846353604806,0.0,0.0,0.1268127155646548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452582299709613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901244954129946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478525907915118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640298383406252,0.0,0.17209540394027065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055600006082093,0.0,0.1774458421004448,0.22339697827192,0.0,0.0,0.20313364821536528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793604283053375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429758451190539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134455631506126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850864309248625,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thatgingergorl,2018/11/01,"Was a fucking weirdo at work I was recently diagnosed and to be honest I’m not sure if what happened today is applicable to my diagnosis or not because I barely fucking understand it. 

But anyways I’m going to rant about what happened...

I was leaving work and ran into this guy who was pretty involved in my ex’s recovery and knew back then I was too. Today was the first time I have seen him since I got arrested, kicked my ex out and got a restraining order against him(ex). I know we work together but we work on different floors and in different departments so I never have to see him and seeing him today caught me dead in my tracks. I stopped fucking breathing and went completely mute when I saw him and he said hi. My mind was going a million miles an hour trying to figure out how much he knew. “Does he know we got arrested? Does he know I kicked my ex out? Is he still talking to my ex? I wonder if I should ask him if my ex is okay? Oh god I’m sure he thinks I’m an awful fucking person.” I couldn’t stop it I couldn’t even be polite and say hello back or when he said it’s good to see you. Absolutely fucking nothing. Now of course this interaction is re playing in my head on a fucking loop and I’m mentally scripting out all the other possible ways that could have gone. I don’t know fucking know man, should I reach out and apologize for being a fucking weirdo? Or no, because maybe he is still friends with my ex! I JUST DONT KNOW! ",1.9478426640926607,3.98617825337838,3.681505791505792,87.49689189189192,78.96621621621622,6.796138996138996,25.0984555984556,7.83500028581142,1.422644208494208,1137,43,235,19,28,380,150,296,0.126,0.8,0.073,-0.9586,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,3,1,0,5,14,15,8,0,9,2,25,11,2,1,4,58,68,24,1,8,11,6,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,3,10,21,0,3,12,1,0,7,8,8,0,2,20,8,38,7,25,40,2,42,0,0,5,8,38,15,8,7,18,148,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645966530247554,0.0,0.0,0.12577808008662789,0.0,0.0997130105431676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575195724809632,0.0,0.0,0.06530014549317692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301193219876069,0.0,0.17089970377109212,0.0,0.0,0.14314444898160528,0.0,0.09585358029394164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401944375710442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695678537077999,0.0,0.0,0.06318831822700564,0.604885007073662,0.0,0.0,0.0929627044415008,0.0685989302955785,0.1962372484262541,0.0,0.0,0.08098184103302825,0.14464768452643856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839369046669068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054357356090441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26968748650065444,0.0,0.0,0.08660046615486494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821658847625445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242190936856007,0.0,0.0825814047328557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012274602491361,0.0,0.06307906151604863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847668936969132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141312365607154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220238583947747,0.0,0.08320663040421465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075464855581685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559604866554885,0.0650401866252385,0.0,0.0,0.1955205938818988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765492833645935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063016976660166,0.1367549392726333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416627838187313,0.0,0.0,0.0657371728294348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240571173361492,0.0,0.0,0.047690570549749914,0.0,0.2325731150812825,0.0,0.0,0.05552790322147658,0.0,0.0,0.08514299629352558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649185954854006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581723029494747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869435115175456,0.2381672065147452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MoistTowlette19,2018/11/01,"Can someone please talk to me about BPD? My emotions are taking over and I don't know what's happening to me. I recently went off my medication (Effexor XR) that I've been on for \~13 years for depression, anxiety and OCD, and I'm having issues with regulating my emotions.  I'm easily angered, very reactionary, and having trouble controlling my emotions.  Also, I'm hyper-controlling, I'm better at work than I ever have been because I pay close attention to the details of a project, but I'm just failing to not react to people's stupidity and incompetence, my emotions are taking over and I don't know what's happening to me. I'm losing it. ",8.465026881720432,7.187902330645166,9.599032258064515,63.051881720430146,61.983870967741936,13.105376344086025,40.82795698924731,12.161744961471696,5.241837634408603,515,25,87,15,6,180,75,124,0.203,0.754,0.043,-0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,5,4,7,2,0,2,0,10,1,0,2,1,17,23,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,13,1,17,20,0,10,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,57,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632165786467336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112739653398436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866904465543858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864461683139053,0.0,0.0,0.1831976018949008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32628407970027895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252816290284533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.654476767510946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157389848134285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572537310570532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181898755273132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598783793159882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272882332764355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653230659028332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084135017346248,0.0,0.0,0.15966775951420892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436209276989002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324497656355385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187306485379527,0.11691257302099048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001699798526297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134839803593414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105894198534777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366933568999428
bpd,Lady_Gumdrop02,2018/11/01,"Any feedback? I've never posted anything before, but I find reddit a good place to go when I need to relate to something. I'm going to keep this first post simple. Does anyone else have a predictable cycle of emotions? Mine is this: I go most of the day pretending I'm ok, and eventually I'll believe it. I'll cope all day and feel good about it, and then something happens, nothing out of the ordinary, and I break. I get pissed off, start an argument, cry and hate myself, and then sit there quietly feeling crazy and like I'm not myself just staring off into space  It's like a blank feeling? Maybe someone else can explain it better than I can, but it's really depressing knowing I'm going to break after a good day and not being able to control it.",4.039781818181815,5.3136720933333335,5.225515151515153,81.88609090909094,71.4,7.321212121212122,28.303030303030305,7.686295010490155,1.7904666666666669,594,22,111,7,11,197,92,150,0.14800000000000002,0.674,0.17800000000000002,0.2848,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,2,0,7,1,5,1,1,1,2,27,24,13,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,2,6,1,0,4,3,3,0,1,0,5,9,7,16,23,2,25,0,1,1,0,1,6,1,1,12,66,17,1,0.14213804906833633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966587474878576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938622878283394,0.14563722836803278,0.1169675034365716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094901079516802,0.16014090740078976,0.0,0.1257095536749048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941990827377006,0.0,0.0,0.1561319726129688,0.27500184858498883,0.0,0.12242329338563453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438596459111093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374762024810065,0.15988617394350196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560780513840755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991160180058492,0.12090255192627085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426126410657558,0.0,0.3231213154326469,0.3576559555933772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256922073730141,0.0,0.0,0.14033189652379216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633882886079653,0.0,0.0,0.07811535453683999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888294220921732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279677494143714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539356235949128,0.1096256259742772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638529156545104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850400873479974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722579208433955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105727388593343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043310772019805,0.21884962881917874,0.0,0.0,0.1006060427110921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jtbxiv,2018/11/01,BPD problems When you need to be productive so you try to self soothe to eliminate the anxiety and self doubt but end up over doing it and just make yourself tired. Time for a nap?,1.779166666666665,4.2677952500000025,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,82.6111111111111,6.933333333333335,22.88888888888889,8.07648339933343,1.3186888888888897,143,5,30,3,4,45,31,36,0.217,0.74,0.043,-0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,4,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271502264839285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739722641738093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629913709079699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982027222655495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016943445491094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28412139491687194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6195243756934716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731419577344969,0.3412767376608989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015956144334396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,melmelmel1001,2018/11/01,"Advice please? My ex and I were so good together, I can't even explain how good we were together. Except my BPD won and I put her down/manipulated/controlled her and pushed her the fuck away thanks to being self destructive. She put up with my abuse and gave me everything...until she couldn't anymore. And I understand and respect her need to leave. I am in a really good DBT program, started a new job making more than I ever have before, and have started doing JiuJitsu as well. We broke up in July and up until a month ago, we worked together. We handled it well and a month ago I'm the one who said that we should not communicate now that we won't be working together anymore. I did it because I know she needs space from me and needs to heal. I know how much pain I caused her. 

When she broke up with me in July, she mentioned trying again ""in a year."" The last time we spoke (a month ago) she said she still loved me and always would. She also said we couldn't be together bc she still resented me but that if it was meant to be it would be. 

Basically, I am just having a weak day today. I want to contact her more than anything. I've been so strong not to contact her for a month now (which includes not looking at her social media) and I am getting better by the day. DBT and mindfulness are working wonders and so has the space/distance. Any advice?! Should I reach out? Should I stay away?! Idk what to do, helpppp :/",2.272784776199412,4.21872780487805,3.6397386759581916,88.62817408201558,77.57142857142857,6.505976949879389,23.582015545430174,7.468242284971852,0.9769025462342532,1108,36,231,15,26,363,149,287,0.085,0.7959999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.8679,1,0,0,1,1,0,43.0,8,0,0,6,18,18,3,0,13,0,29,5,0,4,1,55,54,25,0,12,7,1,0,0,0,6,3,4,0,1,10,25,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,7,2,1,12,5,48,11,29,29,3,41,0,2,1,2,39,13,1,2,24,169,58,5,0.0,0.11803134076042927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469160886316908,0.2649167134541503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966468137355864,0.08289036720624225,0.0,0.0,0.06774382847007386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975890785984654,0.0,0.0,0.08197733464708183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718925688687085,0.0,0.0,0.060726362741418724,0.0,0.08476779654073477,0.0,0.0,0.08810424987425056,0.0,0.0,0.12546570304505258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233538750762408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173034206934927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849106465565013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065796916948234,0.09011041358942344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209547018064076,0.05204642588854855,0.0,0.0,0.2506651941673647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988557453005655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949517381833364,0.0812021725151569,0.0,0.10548134677008064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365424348447324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990936318596557,0.0,0.06649595779363159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058603811450023,0.0,0.3180573582829577,0.0,0.07323087858306103,0.2215970182490204,0.0,0.09621193004007324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750390674674514,0.0,0.10600084538724576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935092759877556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028771912979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381800409586431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842793144322428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392356438738856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154826427264077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410206251913064,0.10617980365484836,0.1591105319357608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917151037351916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808820475429473,0.0,0.09442645630958688,0.0,0.0,0.06763425504714808,0.0,0.0,0.10370611517287473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058757426964262685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913754722708766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803174654574252,0.21756982509815245,0.0,0.0,0.14153189827044696,0.0,0.0,0.06415088917403174
bpd,princejude,2019/09/07,"i feel so mean when i split i feel like i turn into such a mean person that i’m unrecognizable to myself. i hold it all in, isolating myself and hurting myself or just breaking down to avoid hurting anyone i love. i don’t want to hurt anyone, but my bpd makes me have such mean thoughts. does that mean that i’m a mean person inside because i think things like this?",4.219200000000002,4.8837365199999985,5.049333333333333,85.57800000000002,70.46666666666667,7.066666666666667,24.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.7435333333333332,289,7,60,2,5,94,48,75,0.107,0.769,0.125,0.3071,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,19,17,5,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,13,3,6,16,1,5,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,38,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948482867686087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259750561462682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065329856547773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857403927587012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702236389079275,0.0967988401725771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43515592719717416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239364664975226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222910247758866,0.0,0.09044507194670748,0.0,0.0,0.7379779185983697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23662091235674085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001795942594193,0.08682078789070061,0.0,0.1075692120217106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473814560090541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799194400008343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,milki_xo,2019/09/07,"This is for all the people having a hard time. I just wanted to say, you're beautiful, you're  so strong and you have so much vigilance. The strongest warrior on the battlefield is you.

If you are having a hard time it's okay because you know that at the end of the day you have kept your self from doing the unforgivable and yet you're a survivor. BPD doesn't define you, it's just a part of you and you deserve the world as much as anyone else. You suck at love it's okay, because it all starts with a little self love and today I will be your mirror and say I am beautiful, I am that person that is good enough, I am worthy, I am amazing and I am sexy and no one can tell me less.",1.783538812785384,3.1523023082191766,3.3796575342465762,92.50227168949776,77.28767123287672,6.236529680365297,20.38584474885845,6.816661863887847,0.1554995433789954,531,12,122,5,12,176,80,146,0.065,0.675,0.26,0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,11,0,1,5,8,1,0,12,2,18,2,0,0,2,16,25,12,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,8,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,19,7,11,22,7,12,0,0,0,2,19,5,1,1,7,90,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239044722835278,0.1815654356420604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604263341988225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318100134821964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114281288743305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803038564125245,0.0,0.15694927974097705,0.18309808978755004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862948646433402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31747820074229965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738614594459362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760397969493302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31986528938859377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605292189835926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007735291010666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918936031634332,0.0,0.1228502626466218,0.15472684267935324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28183790901697825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697227943691525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542521014546212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548832506743939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665701285599453,0.0,0.16796774386519106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451893281003002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tamagotchis,2019/09/07,"the stigma i wondered why i hadn't been invited around to my friends' houses lately. i had grown to love playing mario kart on the old wii, ordering takeaway and drinking a can or two to celebrate a good win. well, i attempted suicide not too long ago. i've done this before, i can compact it and move on. i didn't anticipate that parents would he informed. i didn't anticipate that they'd call the police. i didn't think that they'd let each other know, warn each other about me. i didn't think that i wouldn't be welcome back anymore. i'm even lonelier now. i didn't want this.",2.7511864406779623,4.513593949152547,4.112000000000002,86.59867796610172,75.61016949152544,7.092881355932204,27.0542372881356,7.908726449838941,1.6194006779661017,458,18,94,7,10,151,76,118,0.10400000000000001,0.7090000000000001,0.187,0.8909,1,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,17,2,0,0,0,15,24,3,1,3,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,5,2,0,2,8,0,1,1,9,0,15,7,7,9,2,12,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,2,6,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686197373456666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786970387978475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761463078765755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341815847236667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977637548624416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373168866756147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417769167867955,0.0,0.1954531248392351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178072963442594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541482492446429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734746709241255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23021868285055586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965068400226606,0.0,0.22506665502856552,0.0,0.0,0.2040221781192824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765684543308064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007411336514226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120576234513516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936212322144526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215427622720205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182419191986416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556880430061413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490153296598453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768175403847485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939196677771282,0.0,0.18003529033617535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21637035660318174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173290851377382,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ifindlifedepressing,2019/09/07,"Fear of abandonment Firstly, I have not been confirmed to have BPD, working with CAMHS (UK mental health) to help myself. 

Anyways, I am having a low right now. I got super anxious going to a party and made some bullshit reason not to go. Apparently, everyone ended up hooking up having a good time. I find that because of my anxiety of rejection etc. makes it hard for me to connect with people.
In my head, I find that my fear of abandonment can be presented as a room full of people I know, with me going up to each one of them and asking if they could love me forever, love me with everything. But I get no response. Either that or I get made fun of. I go up to literally anyone I can find. But no answer anywhere I go. I think at this point I need start start helping myself properly and not rely on CAMHS because it’s killing me. I feel like I’m sinking and my body can’t sink anymore. It’s exhausting , really.",2.3033365477338488,4.359578530054648,4.3415686274509815,83.10882352941178,77.90710382513663,7.147412407585987,26.065252330440373,8.124751697461798,1.835897074895532,713,28,137,13,17,244,111,183,0.19,0.6709999999999999,0.139,-0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,3,2,14,1,2,4,0,11,6,2,4,0,33,32,9,1,3,8,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,9,0,2,8,0,0,5,6,8,0,2,4,2,27,6,27,26,5,24,0,4,0,2,7,12,0,3,8,98,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743939818157804,0.14389435134553272,0.12631901437794807,0.08906161641800941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907582989904288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528984380442046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148182025174616,0.1604208497686719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169635174791346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281397912246345,0.0,0.14205369246037955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170961277128226,0.11447393658285075,0.0,0.0,0.2866583138003775,0.06440322055726103,0.09099473803108787,0.0,0.0,0.3492476992892383,0.1083427436123406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309345368215986,0.0,0.3619428340825063,0.10683377337342508,0.10187119845485512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141004889270226,0.0,0.1307206426137098,0.1353907116026324,0.0,0.0,0.17074982574682934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091848751748232,0.0,0.07000043997361621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062227631924083475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22991679948222302,0.2410453449164837,0.08502194461545927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836123753745002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094444885762783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631071137527935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660771668755498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040791640441945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159790444025122,0.1309598539769882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087751782718912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803094230458769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161497426706843,0.0,0.0,0.07427176465009272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272849174230496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floatingadrift,2019/09/07,"Recently had my heart broken 💔 So, I was seeing this great girl. Things were going really well, and I had allowed myself to start to believe that maybe this was something real. I was being good, wasn't openly idealizing her or going crazy with the compliments. I was keeping myself in check. 

Unfortunately, she had just gotten out of a long term relationship...two months single after a five year relationship. She was open and honest about her situation. Of course I pursued her because what could possibly go wrong with that scenario? Lol

Long story short, after six dates over a month and a half, she texted me last Saturday that she didn't want to keep seeing me and her life is to complicated at the moment.... blah blah blah whatever the reason, it was a no. 

What are your coping mechanisms to get over someone you were seeing? I built up such a fantasy in my head about us obviously...now that it's over, it's hard to shake those feelings. I know we weren't together for too long, but I fall so hard and so fast...coupled with anxiety, I just keep replaying things over and over again. 

I know why my feelings are so intense, but also...why are my feelings so intense??? I fucking hate being this way.😔

Anyway...I can't really share these feelings with friends or family because they don't get it.",3.7101140964298867,5.940278040485829,4.792684946632316,80.69842749355908,74.26315789473685,7.7297754876702225,25.397313213102684,8.575989854853784,1.931187854251012,1024,35,187,20,22,335,143,247,0.129,0.785,0.086,-0.6777,1,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,2,2,1,1,13,12,2,1,9,1,23,4,2,2,0,35,45,15,0,3,6,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,17,14,0,3,7,1,1,5,6,4,1,3,15,9,32,8,27,27,2,34,0,0,3,1,17,13,1,2,16,134,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921070775490963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811015887235787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042177049753138,0.0,0.0,0.1297651394755939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195953460785967,0.1274412597808178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085787102935062,0.0,0.23294799028283056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898553430353279,0.10647936409953714,0.12035055190871448,0.0,0.19637338412718405,0.0966050788544958,0.0,0.12698314873349395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635209975412966,0.11371353154449965,0.11820492330142753,0.0,0.0,0.13648540663347014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071240699406128,0.0,0.0,0.12659663344218716,0.09388470112542363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135298511297526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30578430167260123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571086812044128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386650934470727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984486370583362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109674430453105,0.14757078672600593,0.11842123160808656,0.11372348166345406,0.2473141824491621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27534368696790185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946387529631484,0.0,0.0,0.09758917489881573,0.08866895120316594,0.0,0.0,0.08152293737051748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530370819930337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125112813965902,0.0,0.13854385832279942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793443203023951,0.09142221327603507,0.0,0.0,0.1035580364467302,0.0,0.20785881880021387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592806750684568,0.0,0.07417026996303518
bpd,Ecaille13,2019/09/07,"Why I will never find love When I was growing up, I was extremly bullied and abused at home and in school, so I found a solace among the worlds of fiction, in universes with idyllic characters and dreamlike princes. Everytime that I would feel sad, misunderstood and bad, I would just close my eyes and go in those worlds. In those worlds I am loved, I am a wonderful boyfriend and good friends. 

The thing is, I soon started to realized, ""but this is not true."" So I tried to date men and I was deeply disappointed. I find real people boring, really boring. They are disappointing, they are the prince who is here to save me. I have high standards not because I choose to have those standards, but because I need to have those standards. I cannot live without this vision of a prince, and I'd rather die than dating a man who does not fulfill those standards.

I just feel misunderstood, people tell me that I am materialistic, but it's not by choice. The pain, the sadness, this hole inside me, it cannot be filled by self-love, because I am not a prince, I am the princess. I am so sick of people thinking that I am an awful person. I really cannot date somebody below those standards. 

It makes me really depressed actually. The only thing that I need in my life is my prince, and I will never have one...",5.064740896358543,6.025958345238094,5.456255835667601,82.34626050420171,68.72222222222221,8.310364145658264,29.109243697478995,8.4952907291091,1.9999226890756303,1021,36,201,15,17,326,124,252,0.239,0.7070000000000001,0.053,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,0,0,2,0,9,15,0,0,13,1,28,6,1,1,3,47,40,16,1,5,12,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,20,11,0,0,9,0,0,3,11,9,0,1,4,3,34,6,22,31,0,25,0,5,1,2,11,14,0,1,8,146,54,1,0.0,0.16582040006785626,0.13657309973374224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685419060976865,0.2559405756023673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054057260736815,0.0,0.14524822512327182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224730603260483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152801356266065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25582743996365065,0.0,0.0,0.15345029720178746,0.1081266757485242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953802602991336,0.11738521456004768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786711920140713,0.1403834068368227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885233494783843,0.0,0.0,0.12358030314868575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252624539843256,0.0,0.09341913980809352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075454761035564,0.2158794353907023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483519165988526,0.10643990851278468,0.1489189437008996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910755755653993,0.12220080993466285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929617408096464,0.2689707725727054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163903677975942,0.0,0.0,0.1460006038410752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905884461019902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232433849210805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595596544621884,0.08967567991973334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950183159655292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628503766251867,0.0,0.0,0.1349088681957963,0.1517721252409089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988359688398687,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tinari07,2019/09/07,"Not wanting to sleep Does anyone else sometimes not want to sleep? I have insomnia and always have, I use weed to sleep but sometimes I just want to stay awake for literally no reason. Other times I wish I could sleep for days straight.",3.8723333333333336,6.1339264,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,73.8888888888889,6.277777777777778,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.9793333333333334,188,6,36,2,4,57,30,45,0.114,0.758,0.128,0.3931,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,4,2,0,12,8,2,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614423387186756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280962532684488,0.1799610838298301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023202539520474,0.0,0.0,0.11327147433644408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537013114838197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672235684915966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805843105775927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7030562371372446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474193956824579,0.0,0.0,0.18720590318044286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241547319589236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516941624214561,0.0,0.0,0.3107861421318827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197413065446398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cnoelle94,2019/09/07,"is BPD biological? I certainly hope not cause sheesh, I feel bad for people who have kids bc I would not wish this on anyone (except if you’re a POS then yeah you deserve it but most BPD I have met are usually v sweet/misunderstood)",-0.1535638297872346,2.0569511702127663,2.2672074468085133,89.27187500000002,101.12765957446808,5.754255319148936,16.513297872340427,7.1686216300943375,0.4204914893617021,183,5,39,4,8,62,40,47,0.09,0.7879999999999999,0.122,0.0954,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,1,12,9,3,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,3,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,23,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137659418998976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285271007196928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6894282206084986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811641046211972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839035828034918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718447065938785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974831519283086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014406066583121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147401609300909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442780460270365,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,torturemebaby,2019/09/07,"Does anyone feel triggered/angry at friends that are too caring/motherly? I have a friend who is very sweet and loving.. but often I feel intense upset and frustration with her. It makes me feel crazy. She will ask me how I am doing, ask me specific questions about how work is, send me messages after hanging out exclaiming how much fun she had, etc. Very normal, sweet things. She sent me a message recently about how proud of me she was, and it took everything in me not to text profanities to her.

What the hell is wrong with me? I find myself not wanting to talk to her anymore, because she is so placating and always trying to give good advice and be helpful and understanding.

But she is making me feel smothered, and I feel like cutting off the friendship because I am so irritated by her.

Ugh",5.062775119617224,6.505812789473684,5.558301435406702,79.82401913875599,69.1315789473684,8.158851674641149,30.265550239234447,8.575989854853784,2.3891499999999994,632,25,114,10,11,203,97,152,0.179,0.635,0.18600000000000005,-0.3012,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,10,16,4,1,4,0,14,1,0,6,0,31,29,15,0,2,4,0,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,8,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,4,7,26,9,16,23,2,10,1,0,0,1,24,4,1,2,3,87,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780410993471505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343708719191467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015260679757962,0.11291609663984475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019387802988757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688305372661735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131915226504782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010169937427134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513491452103086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082656799214794,0.11536699025325554,0.0,0.0,0.1475970178484681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24953030671952964,0.0,0.0,0.15491391160654552,0.0,0.1354483913924741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824193744010516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889483239367355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457491374713517,0.0,0.21558885860880045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871218982692655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822385792584445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090340973333616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944982228177665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979785947201428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728538719261092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941900227300386,0.10963968587175997,0.0,0.0,0.1681146023210911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26648886490501444,0.09524974926542472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756511678047507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656167126218694,0.0,0.0
bpd,muozzin,2019/09/07,"Coping with graduating alone is a whirlwind for bpd My mom died and my dad left when I was 3. He took my 3 siblings but not me, I haven’t seen any of them since. My aunt and uncle took me in, divorced and aunt went to prison. My grandparents (mom/dad from now on) took me in and my mom passed away last year, this 15th. My dad is 89 and won’t make it the 2 years to my graduation. Most likely, no one will be there. I just hope I graduate at this point before bpd kills me. I’m 20 but I’m fucking psychotic and feel so unaccomplished. I’m a 3rd year microbiology major and I feel like the stupidest person ever. I do everything alone anyway, though. Even my therapist is tired of me.",0.5539084507042276,2.769933316901412,2.8289964788732402,90.58743838028171,85.54929577464789,6.366901408450705,18.734154929577464,7.645422480735847,0.4869281690140848,529,14,120,10,16,180,92,142,0.18100000000000002,0.772,0.047,-0.9641,1,2,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,9,5,2,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,1,18,22,12,2,1,4,6,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,6,3,21,3,12,13,2,19,0,0,1,1,10,7,1,2,9,71,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715948485748525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916389539714445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318851545202578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157070857227062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302739474542738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607849989415974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660138573093168,0.11860261920434707,0.0,0.0,0.11783929261803378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259315053428128,0.09366984207611376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121533511152233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022853091517667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506127229969853,0.0,0.0,0.10687766221185396,0.0,0.0,0.14245874723593635,0.0,0.0,0.12811405541072135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752145780576127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606871063502706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884811230773973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448610051962665,0.0,0.0,0.12394772223491213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846114172905943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522366683013588,0.0,0.0,0.12882155446843965,0.0,0.0,0.1506994316418019,0.0,0.0,0.4370266461352512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154655341041175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533046906763167
bpd,insidejoke1212,2019/09/07,Are people with BPD more emotional and empathetic? So I was wonder if most people with BPD are more emotional ? Do they have high emotional empathy? I’m not an  emotional person at all and I don’t have any emotional empathy what so ever. So that’s where I feel like I don’t necessarily fit In . I know BPD is their emotions are much more intense but my anger is the only thing that’s much more intense than most people.,2.654246987951808,4.937655554216871,4.663478915662652,80.10678463855425,77.79518072289156,8.487349397590362,24.832831325301214,9.188382445141503,2.311627710843373,333,12,64,9,8,114,50,83,0.06,0.743,0.19699999999999998,0.5252,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,2,14,15,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,8,1,5,14,9,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,4,2,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960449135307975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442297122795623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7900572611554709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588704242734803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059188813242012236,0.08362734827118315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367981550410898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433285373940723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718937116153273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210444028916747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902904390261611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434630070438156,0.10221186230446262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776914713185927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694606177384365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,recoverywarrrior,2019/09/07,"Does anyone else have multiple other diagnosis besides BPD? And what meds do you guys use? I feel so alone sometimes because my mental illness situation is such a complex case because I have so many mental illnesses. I'm also on quite a cocktail of meds and have tried over 20 meds in the past 2 years. 

I have BPD, Bipolar 2, major depressive disorder, OCD, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, OCPD, panic disorder, anorexia, OSFED, substance abuse disorder, and chronic insomnia. 

I currently take Zoloft, clonazepam, lithium, Seroquel xr, Seroquel ir, and zopiclone. All high dosages.",8.223107511045662,10.432797113402065,8.183357879234169,61.07309278350519,62.4020618556701,10.903681885125184,44.78497790868925,10.914260884657429,6.057584388807068,468,30,59,13,7,151,75,97,0.28300000000000003,0.7170000000000001,0.0,-0.9813,1,1,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,3,0,6,6,0,1,1,9,10,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,4,10,2,7,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.1579247946579601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804644148583287,0.0,0.10659057472664864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203930310750655,0.0,0.0,0.09319825168785828,0.13656957539081485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625025743921486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33574379927147857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114800984493956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582796863887317,0.0,0.11664145602837946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134523947509094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739454998023732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197633463474384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082636652058725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513337694500924,0.0,0.0,0.4441596331866781,0.0,0.26864643612197336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638505654593687,0.0,0.0,0.12723872767488031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176847309555285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982159071128576,0.0,0.13587059741767807,0.0,0.0,0.13182549899441656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021618487039104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049398042376447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511826285039065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583327050819202
bpd,umlotus,2019/09/07,"lost and clueless for years I'm not sure how to do this? made an account just make this post. honestly a bit nervous and scared but I need help to understand myself more.

I'm 20, turning 21 in less than a month. not sure whether it is still legit for me, but I was diagnosed with 2 BPD's (borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder back then when I was 17 years old. I have been depressed since 15 since the death of a family member and just brushed it off, I thought it was just some kind of stress and shit. plus I grew up in a very closed, traditional family so, I did not know much back then. 

when I was 17, I was in a boarding school. was too depressed and attempted to commit suicide- by overdosing on depression pills (I still remember it, 1mg per tablet of risperidone, which I had to take half of it per day) and I took 8 pills that one evening, and spend the whole night not being able to sleep, almost drowning myself when I forced water down my nose and throat because I couldn't breathe and thought that its just because I got my nose clogged.

the next morning I felt like everything spiraling around me, felt I was floating or shit and asked a teacher to drive me to a clinic, thought something was wrong with my breathing/respiration system. the doctor found nothing, my lungs were working well and about to send me out when I (i didn't remember why) told her that I took more than 2 weeks of depression pills the night before- then I got held back, transported to a bigger hospital and warded for almost a week. got expelled when the school board found out that I cut (have lots of scars over my body), depressed and suicidal.

then I got diagnosed with 2 BPD's by a psychiatrist, as I mentioned before. but I stopped going to appointment after the 1st meeting, got my prescribed medications thrown away by my mom cause apparently ""only crazy people go to the psychiatrist and take those meds"" and things pretty much stopped there. I carried on life at a new school and all. 

fast forward to now; I didn't know much about the BPD's I have and still don't. I tried using google for more details but all I could find was standard explanations which I couldn't understand much. I don't know whether I still have those BPD's since years had passed without psychiatrist consultations and medications. and I thought maybe this forum can help me to understand more- on the patients' point of view. thank you",5.650873684943916,6.702753339092872,5.449957500174184,82.5908186441859,67.44492440604752,8.911558559186233,31.350170696021728,9.11188708381993,2.523659987459068,1928,76,375,34,31,597,233,463,0.193,0.755,0.052000000000000005,-0.9971,1,0,1,0,0,2,50.0,0,1,0,3,26,20,3,3,22,0,29,21,9,5,5,83,66,40,4,4,16,1,2,1,0,0,11,0,0,1,18,28,1,3,17,0,2,10,11,13,1,2,35,6,50,7,53,27,15,63,0,6,1,0,12,19,2,5,35,246,68,7,0.06434794435912879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887034246872556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728331303606288,0.06015664164180624,0.0,0.060457011930200026,0.14843879175182648,0.0,0.07845181925059733,0.0,0.10951072239914247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025128926869592,0.07147605997733339,0.3241759332549686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610306431387954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051376597530877074,0.0,0.0,0.04149910073902105,0.0,0.2771139509327555,0.13062361802185607,0.0,0.0,0.14749663816003436,0.06586284770743578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04250121036928766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783178321058049,0.0,0.1213230302427909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123568235379939,0.0,0.058812855382940274,0.0,0.0,0.1411083993035341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314083935650513,0.0,0.2573246470029138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626214141494247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700848192156911,0.10609184212694987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545085609564986,0.03143715527365306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024338259404557,0.05470632118986511,0.0,0.060887580820812075,0.042952752529695284,0.0,0.06464615906031572,0.0,0.07147605997733339,0.1296475683894596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536353472158466,0.05136191527225768,0.0,0.1892125722933269,0.0477131853924516,0.0,0.062147645639467786,0.06843476883744598,0.12077237346349158,0.0,0.06174358808624051,0.0,0.06752234311556621,0.0,0.04360383243563505,0.04893951131454279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044610762456824514,0.056186142998473215,0.0,0.0,0.060829606513079976,0.0,0.06162754328132119,0.06546499291681439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578735415363142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442351789314295,0.1953706651926912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210448035967626,0.15968785358154178,0.0,0.06439441567498076,0.0,0.0,0.04953819132378124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555340594731425,0.10759552558889396,0.0737103528543722,0.0,0.0,0.14077241406979482,0.0,0.12129435206367575,0.0,0.09676329191516156,0.0,0.0,0.05924294174690872,0.0,0.0,0.04274991496196592,0.0,0.0,0.2043403203440564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148721840572183,0.14298586770184024,0.043688030309846436,0.06999208548535545,0.0,0.20096543828998772,0.0,0.05557596354004561,0.0,0.053093793158183335,0.0,0.0,0.10323207911344708,0.0,0.057856529856305114,0.0,0.05806401110162515,0.07184218187939377,0.0,0.06202912210045083,0.0,0.04684606987376425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035437564717043,0.0,0.1243138993111543
bpd,WhoAndWhatTheFuckAmI,2019/09/07,"IT: Chapter Two - Trigger Warnings (No Spoilers) Hi. This is just a quick post to warn anyone who might be triggered by suicide and domestic violence.

I wish someone had told me before I'd seen it that there's a graphic scene in which one character commits suicide in the bath and there's a very intense scene between two characters where the wife is emotionally manipulated, controlled by, physically abused and in an overall triggering environment. 

The two scenes, especially the domestic violence scene were really uncomfortable for me. I almost got up and walked out of the cinema because I couldn't watch. Lucky for me, my sister was there and helped me through it.

Anyway, hope this helps anyone out who's planning to watch the film.",7.312434266327398,8.962444297709926,7.201170483460557,69.35882103477526,64.0381679389313,10.402374893977948,37.456318914334176,10.504223727775694,4.3981545377438485,597,30,94,15,9,190,90,131,0.215,0.708,0.076,-0.9707,0,0,0,0,3,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,10,0,8,0,0,5,1,20,13,5,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,6,3,8,2,15,4,0,10,0,0,3,0,8,7,0,4,1,67,17,0,0.0,0.2116964501862508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891364687653838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498624625552412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891645678391587,0.0,0.1520362431043407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039522250438205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009813313137763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428998795054246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951941171681845,0.0,0.0,0.17746106338040982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895421718989936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107239772015345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111785854342232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446150520722892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138773870725025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908751307455137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072822606848614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236081303283445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742265719895115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546334834696026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notactuallybpd,2019/09/07,"I feel like bpd is a death sentence I barely slept last night because I ran out of a sleep medication and I literally kept getting UP and out of bed because I couldn’t  stay STILL! Thank god I went to emerg and got more of the sleeping pill... 
the sleeping pill is only for 5 nights so in 5 nights imma go through this again, but I have my psychiatrist on Thursday.
I’m flipping like crazy and almost committed suicide today...
Why the fuck is this happening to me??",4.923079710144929,5.5972605108695666,5.653043478260872,81.84340579710147,68.8913043478261,8.307246376811595,31.63768115942029,8.344100000000001,2.260363768115942,365,15,73,5,6,119,66,92,0.17600000000000002,0.705,0.11900000000000001,-0.8896,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,5,0,5,8,4,0,1,12,17,6,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,1,9,3,12,11,1,17,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,10,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710906554545196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830817890379327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151909890230684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639146811634887,0.1220617376172806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795643615530727,0.08926680033069193,0.0,0.0971031340980182,0.0,0.1366515884941197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109009136429807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927292790192894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694620029275073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721225149938616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810189250877797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994600476771445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129473193469758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211301103184646,0.1364482559785609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689206633373526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730405522887989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195439893169128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838804872341894,0.15417371487324785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,House43,2019/09/07,Need new wreckless behavior Trying to stop drinking and cutting...any ideas of new reckless and self destructive behaviors I could indulge in???,6.3628985507246405,10.25053195652174,5.356521739130431,70.31420289855075,77.26086956521739,8.284057971014493,42.44927536231884,8.841846274778883,5.451649275362319,117,8,14,3,3,35,21,23,0.344,0.6559999999999999,0.0,-0.857,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165330452286093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542283813207805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119253719940931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594516550702656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610060753227546,0.0,0.6150541730336977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321761756903575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662091070879461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618281012265086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PopPunkJess,2019/09/07,"I hate myself for self-medicating again but I am yet to meet someone who is professionally trained that is able to help me. Drinking and using again is not cool.

cutting and trying to kill myself constantly, is not cool. 

BUT i haven't met anyone who can help me yet. i am constantly told that this disorder can never be cured/fixed so what's the point?",2.6116149068323007,5.057852811594207,3.8166045548654246,85.25608695652177,78.85507246376811,6.8414078674948255,22.900621118012424,7.957251820313856,1.2605055900621125,280,9,55,5,7,91,47,69,0.226,0.6659999999999999,0.109,-0.8839,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,2,10,1,0,1,1,8,14,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,2,8,2,4,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,7,41,14,1,0.22894877610098574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600863075740028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948245828447145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623951326034793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428263886958125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603951698820404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069190771748319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329789917247897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543104774412205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765794103734209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643059619974425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388435053460475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939875550235048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187703669487448,0.0,0.15544119038020401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977382332854793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Liv3_in_Lov3,2019/09/07,"This was a rough morning I woke up pretty early and then immediately spiraled out of control. I sometimes will slap and hit myself in anger, but today I was so angry that I tried to cut myself. I asked a bunch of people if they wanted to get lunch but none of them responded. Now I’m just in my dorm room alone with the lights off and the fan on so nobody can hear me sobbing. I wish it wasn’t this hard to be happy. I’m not sure where I was going with this but I just need to let it out.",1.299360587002095,2.7103092924528305,3.2523899371069187,92.72206498951785,78.71698113207547,5.4658280922431866,18.381551362683442,5.82211442006289,-0.3988687631027257,379,7,88,2,9,128,73,106,0.179,0.693,0.128,-0.7188,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,1,6,5,2,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,1,19,19,10,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,6,7,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,4,14,2,16,10,2,14,0,1,0,0,5,9,1,1,4,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672934672681558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412703409822896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894591199509131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348363600725296,0.0,0.1466730419921843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747313907925891,0.23118935129831894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29087537387219004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639047002523903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136335065931964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892045791927955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625605541195357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552481202797866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432377280623593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446300479997765,0.0,0.0,0.17521965458882893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222250988096864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967797298330229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,srhbb,2019/09/07,"codependency/jealousy this is just gonna be word vomit so i’m sorry, just need to vent i guess. also on mobile. 
i know i’m codependent on my gf and i hate it. i try to tell myself to stop and calm down and to stop relying on her for everything but i can’t. it’s like it’s a subconscious thing. 
the one thing that’s hard is she’s really outgoing and likes to hangout with ppl and i don’t really  like to because it’s so draining. i get so anxious when she is out or when we have ppl over continuously and i just want to hangout the two of us. when i’m by myself for too long my anxiety is insane and i just want her home. 
i feel so stupid and i don’t want to come off as controlling or anything so i just don’t say much to her because i know she would be upset and say i can’t tell her what to do or something. 
just ugh. i used to be so independent and be perfectly fine being alone.",-1.1768888888888895,0.8779692256410314,1.93128205128205,94.07982905982908,95.20512820512822,5.555555555555557,17.47863247863248,7.093109894594671,0.20265811965811986,689,20,164,13,27,243,99,195,0.163,0.7,0.13699999999999998,-0.6459999999999999,0,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,2,17,10,2,1,3,0,17,1,0,3,1,40,33,25,0,5,10,0,2,3,1,2,1,2,1,0,9,14,0,3,3,2,0,1,5,4,0,2,0,4,28,6,24,26,1,15,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,4,10,115,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645059946136309,0.0,0.12702093819379914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150895829265618,0.17943925211453918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070833621579606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364966847334067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682298422437292,0.0,0.0,0.17814786464549048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427513823507127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031215695751777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298515392282373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749755497118798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142285685348439,0.15681747642479868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932526600634112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745840122159089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327974579037501,0.0,0.0,0.14056469172229058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167625946905998,0.1177747389584588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763125413772397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350857153124627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25262521929310383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227956493878395,0.0,0.17780368286767656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655876952062589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776589941567474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104690595394127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783908730950946,0.0,0.15515950457513614,0.0,0.19105991996945546,0.13718314014157626,0.0,0.0,0.2810564243842485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283240071194454,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwthis0123,2019/09/07,"Bpd causes So I've been doing research regarding bpd and I'm quite curious, is it possible to have bpd without having trauma history. It seems this is a common qualifier but is it neccesssry to create/cause bpd? (I'm sorry if anything I phrased was offensive I don't know much about this community or any correct phrasing so if I've said anything completely ignorant I'm sorry ahead of time, just call me on it so I don't do it again).",1.8141379310344805,4.385347712643686,4.4857586206896585,78.39760344827587,83.36781609195403,8.077701149425286,28.240229885057467,8.841846274778883,2.9702147126436778,349,17,63,10,10,123,58,87,0.121,0.8370000000000001,0.042,-0.7599,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,1,0,11,0,0,1,1,12,17,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,7,14,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000762085981821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422059995055782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7413889739285096,0.0,0.15027036055795906,0.0,0.0,0.3023548511644258,0.0,0.0,0.15429810232097688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087719651376399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818208605000873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590470493096196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565264690394718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998616362934113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339720994253044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294749208163668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581220499890617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186033715084434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,getbetternowplease,2019/09/07,That moment when your ex’s friends block you Like really? I didn’t do anything to y’all. Does the entire world hate me? Did my ex tell you to block me? What’s going on it’s like nobody wants to hang out with me/understand me,-0.3329931972789133,1.8157255306122444,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,89.6122448979592,4.899319727891157,14.289115646258502,6.42735559955562,-0.7285129251700679,177,3,42,2,6,58,37,49,0.185,0.665,0.15,-0.4479,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,3,6,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,23,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133152807856817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331867593702663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29415756084008005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163824196853055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759003678007194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372019122885863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439107828835624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327821630797332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963621253906936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245693862432436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RelevantElevator,2019/09/07,"Recommendations in Cardiff Looking for any recommendations for a DBT group and BPD therapist in Cardiff, Wales. Thanks for any advice.",8.715714285714284,12.460572238095242,7.047857142857144,63.23464285714289,64.71428571428572,9.914285714285716,39.07142857142857,10.125756701596842,4.859171428571429,111,6,16,3,2,33,15,21,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618760233192341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036656154688186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664097230076842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31097863069400045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340944298645434,0.0,0.4299743460926781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nauticalandbloody,2019/09/07,"Losing only friend Advice needed. I've been ""best friends"" with someone for 23 years. Almost my entire life. Recently,  and especially since I've got my diagnosis I feel like she hangs out with me out of obligation and not because she wants to. I have been the only one initiating communication. A month ago I had a medical emergency and had to go the ER. I had nobody around so I texted her & asked if she had any free time if she could stop by and sit with me while I waited. She responded with ""I'm kind of busy, I have running around to do but I'll text you later and stop by when I'm finished "". Then I never heard from her, nothing saying she couldn't make it & not even an ""are you alright?"". This was a month ago, I haven't heard from her. I'm hurt because I've always been there for her. She's literally my only friend & I feel like I don't have her anymore.  I want to say something,  but I've been working hard at controlling my blow ups & I don't want to be set back.  I also feel like I NEED to say something but I'm not confident  I can without getting upset. Am I overreacting? Has anyone lost someone close to them after their diagnosis? How did you cope? I'm not sure if I should leave it alone or speak up. Any advice appreciated.

Td;lr best friend ghosted me. Not sure how to cope or react",1.0003593556381674,3.3041360557620827,2.9969628252788105,89.54647273853779,84.3531598513011,5.8171499380421325,20.49083023543989,7.1686216300943375,0.5357136555142503,1025,31,219,15,30,344,143,269,0.105,0.743,0.152,0.9465,0,1,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,3,2,6,10,18,0,1,6,1,25,2,0,5,3,51,47,20,1,11,14,0,4,3,4,1,2,6,0,0,3,14,0,4,3,0,1,3,11,4,1,1,14,10,42,15,29,29,2,30,0,3,0,0,29,8,0,6,20,137,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639782361318544,0.16908757775077374,0.0,0.0955038405027602,0.09877927603237724,0.0,0.07627099757188525,0.07935927046861127,0.41335316412928697,0.0,0.12971593653963065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458593114398972,0.06668810677133391,0.0,0.0,0.16980714994199658,0.08916233476969328,0.0,0.0,0.07333714605607952,0.0,0.11627888759089312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017942370014216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697067385128207,0.07614882186495536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299399440593179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467272282985086,0.20440680450819884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29474457995608183,0.0,0.0498292688067958,0.0,0.05420355779559488,0.0,0.07627974466121827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543686825212414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210043424142387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993179229165575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098788327107104,0.0,0.0,0.06736586910718058,0.13978557078068232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669973173299993,0.1041125937764016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366325638881676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607983074959613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225412054036858,0.0,0.0,0.14143804882663905,0.07355873685298367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151445826393252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462826711665763,0.21760994158922453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417086747971344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275370237531664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889481787935174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162110273843744,0.1468479847992883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594747979682932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977877968604253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561367029129282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876315170234074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193766804872644,0.0,0.06943381230620832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061418086761479626
bpd,lookbothgays,2019/09/07,"Been having my first episode in a while today and it's so hard not to do self destructive behaviors I want so bad to hurt myself, or even just cut myself off from others. I feel like I deserve it. But despite how hard it is, I refused to drink tonight despite everyone else doing so. I mean I still feel shitty, but the fact I've been able to say no knowing alcohol would only make me worse feels good.",3.5540650406504035,4.693211073170737,4.5619512195121965,86.69747967479677,72.41463414634146,7.417886178861789,27.081300813008127,7.793537801064563,1.5017739837398372,316,11,65,4,6,103,63,82,0.255,0.67,0.075,-0.92,0,0,2,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,2,1,17,14,9,0,2,5,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,1,2,1,5,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,6,10,2,7,11,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,45,14,0,0.21157411390630007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261083839690944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665554765511873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726208452177014,0.0,0.0,0.17674302357138766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974270683211976,0.0,0.0,0.20216813264693184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32093468724556146,0.15114858924916766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996483320601264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745832867876035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790576973377887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264944648166001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627559986181145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336442503332778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122736393237456,0.0,0.0,0.2304662351208231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091164752045115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825222734141404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071794340396594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896336066699572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005475212713706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479189407820775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156120973527509,0.15029618016115354,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daddydonaldtrump57,2019/09/07,"I dont understand I just got diagnosed with this and I honestly don’t understand what the hell is going on or what to do.
I feel so lost and inconsolable. Where do I go from here? What am I supposed to do?
I just got told an effective therapy method is DBT? I think that’s what it’s called. But what now? I’m scared and I feel so hopeless and like such a freak. I’ve tried researching this but I still don’t understand. Someone help me",-0.3826254180602007,1.8760916739130449,1.7917391304347845,94.8214882943144,94.21739130434784,6.743812709030101,20.120401337792643,7.882392219407189,1.0850006688963203,342,12,79,9,13,114,57,92,0.14,0.7509999999999999,0.11,-0.3832,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,1,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,22,9,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,2,11,2,5,18,0,6,1,2,0,0,3,2,1,1,3,53,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025940788859355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137728713701844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325296309902363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063944591235486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255167025931409,0.0,0.3173658185965557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298694588190318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693084819093288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165829126513666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986384002772541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810823699289446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584467949912334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689384642731525,0.0,0.0,0.12713015803717845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958484573706755,0.0,0.13470423124682795,0.0,0.0,0.6196410018955097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zoey1914,2019/09/07,"Does anyone have a parent with BPD? I don't, but I'm curious to what that's like. 
My expwbpd desperately wants children, but she believes that she's likely infertile. I know it's terrible to say, but I actually hope she is for her any possible child's sake. What a nightmare it would be to have someone like this as your mom or dad. 

She even told me once that she wants a child so she can feel loved and needed. Totally the wrong reasons! I also asked her once what if she had a child that had a mental disability or disorder and he/she couldn't show her love in the way she wanted. I asked her this because my sister is autistic and suffers from a severe mental illness. She bluntly said that she'd probably give it up for adoption.",3.2265990990991007,4.8826153986486505,4.6875675675675685,83.42207207207208,74.06756756756756,7.906306306306307,27.1981981981982,8.59863814320734,1.9903090090090088,581,22,116,11,12,194,92,148,0.207,0.698,0.095,-0.9604,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,8,0,12,3,0,1,1,21,27,12,0,8,6,4,1,3,0,1,1,2,0,4,13,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,23,6,10,19,1,3,0,1,0,2,31,2,0,4,3,78,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.14579273751361055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947503483313505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159704559966222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044638739902613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27933745175871416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910727838074136,0.0,0.0,0.16832251083755415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881639263876695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712252127201861,0.0,0.13074084699999422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867721565898724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755410713104941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331798408708168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838779681882264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210627018429016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896771341493385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26967846009696234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011198916581685,0.0,0.0,0.17497534079451266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077812240731956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182120053454689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658908930846666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842592368527867,0.0,0.0,0.16107834573168478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360796529254014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421135037866562,0.11880878579530675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877934615871734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658603856102166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427579934353374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26435977068719,0.11858667549032186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612939250061312,0.1633453221206602,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayandlunch,2019/09/07,"What is ""identity""? I don't know if I have BPD and probably I'll go to the therapist. I read something about BPD but I don't fully understand what identity is.

Sorry for my poor English, it's not my native language",1.0606818181818198,3.420978250000001,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,84.68181818181819,8.065454545454546,26.981818181818184,8.841846274778883,2.7009054545454547,169,8,33,5,5,60,33,44,0.141,0.8590000000000001,0.0,-0.6808,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6878462193589134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551924269237485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007256868026966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29441650495710525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27314469395840674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102232406570496,0.0,0.305680400743279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31705624238915897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842763301634996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,doorframe777,2019/09/07,"Best ways to Stop someone being a FP Hi, not officially diagnosed but feel I fit the symptoms.
I’ve had an ‘fp’ for a year and a half, and I just want it to stop. Everytime I see her I split, I completely lose all recognition that these are involuntary reactions, and I end up doing some stupid shit everytime. The main problem is that she’s in my group of friends from college who I love dearly, if I were to cut her out and stay away, I would also lose them. Shit sucks dude. Wanna just up and move to the other side of the country and start over",2.7070436507936506,4.186079982142863,4.1186904761904755,87.69853174603178,75.07142857142857,7.8349206349206355,24.94444444444445,8.515128840125781,1.4938361111111107,426,14,93,8,9,141,80,112,0.26,0.589,0.151,-0.9458,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,3,12,5,0,8,0,7,5,2,0,1,21,13,9,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,2,2,14,4,15,9,4,16,0,2,1,1,9,8,3,2,5,67,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323860192229186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800334823766551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109357421547128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009101303188035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449046588891636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697186182243865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688892890049904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480452884927657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42874797070375736,0.0,0.0,0.17294470870643353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366194358212386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335464919170635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269648747169634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933907561321359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235917067581804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356297613568049,0.2042416336061923,0.0,0.3204061289413282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991667542415541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113022556612437,0.15209919280734635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361214897519806,0.0,0.0,0.12339712404050734
bpd,BPD-and-me-,2019/09/07,"My relationship has been ended in the most permanent of way and I am lost The relationship of 5 years, it’s gone. She’s claiming benefits for a single person now and I am homeless. I have two children, one from a previous relationship and thinking about how this is going to hurt them and be so difficult for me I just don’t know what to do. I have considered killing myself before and I seriously consider when I do, but I don’t want my ex or my children to be hurt further by me doing that and it leaves me feeling trapped and like I can’t breathe. SH does nothing for me because it never hurts enough to stem the emotional pain and I’ve tried taking a hammer to my own hands still doesn’t ease the mental pain at all. I have no idea what to do or where to live or whether I can even look after myself when I’m barely eating as it is, I just don’t know what to do.",3.2713186813186823,4.183720417582421,4.911758241758244,84.78324175824177,72.84615384615384,8.017582417582418,27.186813186813183,8.384062270229773,1.7044813186813186,684,24,147,11,13,232,108,182,0.165,0.746,0.08900000000000001,-0.945,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,11,11,1,0,7,0,22,5,2,1,2,25,33,18,1,1,7,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,9,8,1,0,5,0,0,2,7,9,0,2,3,3,24,2,20,28,5,15,0,4,1,0,9,4,0,4,9,114,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782678010901401,0.0,0.12259720969638994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608099962131633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474246889398026,0.0,0.16206497817250512,0.12760768244561085,0.1488679842084516,0.0,0.09516017584109633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728486467836074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188114025288948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462705788106904,0.16264313325072927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939763623022524,0.0,0.1583596994750025,0.0,0.0,0.15255461763495198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038776537871133,0.0,0.12722086075918626,0.0,0.12098671015390215,0.0,0.15727487714451216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451937088419124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111951860794718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824384407632445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762894576101636,0.0,0.3066119068858867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580072899362246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640478803858619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505847765701245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832646639475504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092317439736553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978174647336711,0.0,0.14074033586089052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497916530479145,0.1143600254294596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277957353178674
bpd,reelings,2019/09/07,BPD and Movies Does anyone else get way too invested watching movies or tv shows and start sobbing and getting too emotionally invested? Or is that just me? Usually my BPD ass will somehow connect protagonist’s struggles to my own.,7.115284552845527,9.138952073170735,7.008292682926832,69.15845528455284,64.85365853658537,10.34471544715447,40.495934959349604,10.504223727775694,4.936652032520327,189,11,29,5,3,60,33,41,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.8385,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969300432255508,0.2633160693102177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6473384519682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248932065002169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146817159757949,0.28907855039277663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26853276989228336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818984610761477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26866117987481675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28303758076847924,0.0,0.0,0.2039862698703515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thrhoeawayyyy,2019/09/07,"Why does everyone else’s music make me RAGEEEEE I don’t mean in the general sense where people sometimes dislike others taste in music, I literally get so fucking fired up when someone’s playing music that I can’t stand (usually specific genres or artists) like a switch goes off in my brain and my brain is screaming at me to make it stop (bonus rage points if the music is loud) and I want to scream and smash their radio in and yell at them. I sit there trying not to panic and cry over literal music it’s so embarrassing. 

I usually just try to remove myself from the situation because I’d feel so bad insulting their tastes/interests but it’s like sensory fucking overload and I can’t just sit there and enjoy the moment with someone else like a normal person over music lol? I feel like a selfish irritable bitch.",4.716320754716982,6.3361422201257875,5.7561163522012615,77.39379716981135,70.19496855345912,8.570440251572327,29.602201257861644,9.075114841892004,2.6371295597484283,659,26,117,13,12,218,100,159,0.215,0.6509999999999999,0.134,-0.9252,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,9,18,5,2,7,1,5,5,2,2,0,23,14,14,0,3,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,8,1,1,3,3,1,1,4,11,0,0,0,8,16,7,16,14,0,21,0,0,0,2,5,12,3,2,9,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901179269514867,0.09418961159940156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449749274622504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697251326611551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352152540450159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581513529574675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764366907701548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625269963382712,0.11038402541677986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856893176136952,0.08072659744918055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019487347317738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062770814771849,0.0,0.0,0.1683098127588154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138980670716184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128756164153328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711976928258353,0.13491467850834654,0.0,0.0,0.1460646054085688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736789400547777,0.0,0.0,0.2618365071870993,0.0,0.15281717961240265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291796782006968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980819288755945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403481944472138,0.0,0.09113569419446528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394238325078426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Waaaaaah6,2019/09/07,"Quentiapine: it seems to completely drains me of any motivation & can make me really zoned out/detached from whatever is happening - anyone have an recommendations for a better medicine? Of course this is to be discussed with my doctor but I’d like to hear from other people’s experiences/ recommendations bc my doctor doesn’t really take the time to sit with me & find a new medicine, he takes more of a ‘switch to this and see what happens’ approach, which has ended disastrously for me in the past (Prozac = some of the most intense/scary hallucinations I’ve ever had)",6.928571428571433,8.266050809523811,7.341904761904765,69.14142857142859,64.71428571428572,10.571428571428571,31.190476190476193,10.608840637214634,3.4529047619047617,465,17,80,12,7,152,79,105,0.0,0.93,0.07,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,7,0,8,3,0,2,1,11,16,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,16,14,3,8,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,6,49,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078668595144565,0.0,0.12799425831623173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160595363088234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166462958646399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973423198461799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852968846211631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667047141343372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170253376793462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411269310675332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202725621111867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328799777973517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213464272776364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919534943439957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563654861317944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181781498104914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967476633056118,0.13048621790193787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24115371941462654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998486647841994,0.17134601461432447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28303205994227604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975105559219736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veniicebiitch,2019/09/07,"DAE experience periods of high empathy, and then low empathy? First-time poster here, I’m wondering who else experiences periods of high empathy and low empathy.

Honestly, it makes me feel like a monster. There are times where, I hate someone so much, and I’m so rageful towards them, that I forget about empathy. I become pretty calloused and rather calculating, sometimes towards others who’ve done nothing wrong, too. Makes me feel like a fucking sociopath. Thank god I haven’t done anything too destructive.

On the other hand, there’s periods where I have extremely high empathy. This crops up when I am usually going through a stressful or depressing time of my life. I can put myself in anyone’s shoes. I can almost feel anyone’s pain. I forgive easier, I put up with a lot of bullshit. I just feel more fragile. Not sure if that’s just being a doormat though.

Does anyone else experience this?",4.373048780487803,7.126612097560978,5.387987804878048,74.68978658536588,74.36585365853658,8.978048780487804,32.201219512195124,9.516144504307137,3.73270243902439,720,36,116,20,16,236,103,164,0.19,0.659,0.151,-0.8398,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,0,15,16,4,1,6,0,9,5,2,2,1,23,22,11,0,2,6,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,10,0,0,2,6,16,6,13,19,3,24,0,3,0,1,3,13,1,5,10,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225295289827049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566785461743933,0.12537602879924484,0.10069486520562146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514104761767326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539164009924808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708126248727802,0.25044101359531584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443827127878308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590854144139897,0.0,0.0,0.24748297020194654,0.1748332447184019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040824657408652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131232309004824,0.0,0.0,0.06954208721783407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080878012562846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878517715395705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642907099610121,0.11956140581132298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402920702096323,0.0,0.0,0.16335738495461755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995136862592612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741123086943275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020356033654715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448783161882294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460185485041688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367833109095624,0.0,0.12102078747116313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401671578328742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153263003877819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126560170282806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022167358350297,0.0,0.1427024670404666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347662828579237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269816838011386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378545202535033,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachynbreezy,2019/09/07,"Person with BPD dating another person with BPD. Do any of y'all have experiences of what it's like to date someone with BPD, when you yourself have BPD?

I've never (knowingly) dated someone with the same diagnose as me, apart from the depression. In my logical brain I ''need'' to be with a more or less neurotypical so that we don't go ''batshit'' on each other / they can help me stay grounded and I can help them get in touch with their emotions. (This is how I've always put it when I used to date people, ''I'm just a very emotional person''. I've downplayed my MI in the past because I was lowkey embarassed of it.)

Right now I'm dating someone that does have some mental issues, depression etc. of their own but hasn't been diagnosed with BPD and (understandably) sometimes has difficulties understanding where some of my behaviors come from and how they would make sense. A part of me feels like it would be easier to be with someone that has the same thing as me, but on the other hand I can imagine how hard it is to be with someone with BPD, especially x2.

In no way am I looking for an answer so I can leave my current partner and go date someone with BPD lol, I was just curious about any pros and cons / experiences you guys have had!",4.567167309546769,5.6330933975409865,5.4346962391514015,81.66266634522664,69.94262295081967,8.691996142719383,28.697203471552548,9.007467420416297,2.212803567984571,975,35,194,18,17,319,132,244,0.055999999999999994,0.8420000000000001,0.10099999999999999,0.9017,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,3,5,0,12,4,0,0,9,1,26,4,2,5,1,44,40,17,0,3,5,0,4,2,1,2,2,0,0,5,13,19,0,0,7,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,4,5,25,2,34,30,10,28,0,2,1,0,16,10,0,3,14,138,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652977610203255,0.0,0.0,0.1067318307574751,0.08228822581027379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783783273702452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6918585161179263,0.08760442153957852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759954804474322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351813733366418,0.15930161595040265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867429004814843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654836733676688,0.0,0.0,0.08752073687645652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535278617922264,0.0,0.0,0.03967948472694968,0.056062791374340136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100012093294952,0.0,0.0891986769154606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777029144937348,0.0,0.0,0.07029848148186818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520071891166892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190785590477775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312798901637705,0.0,0.0,0.0830940434412277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667816451292467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589951261518713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052382892091944064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908467496390399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818846277774144,0.06052501228426665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498113493734583,0.0749135820764797,0.05440491280039895,0.2055648934524131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888938160029174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701750296902069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39895135427045614,0.0,0.07761410789901163,0.0,0.0,0.08364426021890327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213552218438775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339117205394071,0.0,0.06777748874210922,0.0,0.06475036578469179,0.0,0.06229006416386744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111493245614681,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kiddmg,2019/09/07,"I need advice First time posting on here, not really sure how to start.  was diagnosed about a year and a bit ago, which initially helped me as I was able to relate to the diagnoses and the symptoms, and it radiated with me way more than my initial diagnoses of depression ever did. But since then I've not really had any professional help. I was told to refer myself for DBT, which I did, but after a meeting with a psychotherapist I was told that they wouldn't give it to me as they saw me as a liability as I'm prone to outbursts, which is true, however they have been way less frequent in the past year. (I've never had an anger outburst in public, nor have I ever hurt anyone). 

After this I was kind of lost, and ended up starting to seek professional help,. which I just need to pull the trigger on. What I need help with most, though, is how I handle my moods and how I handle them effecting my relationship. I've been in a 2 year relationship with a beautiful girl who I love very much. But the effects of my moods and BPD are really starting to hurt us. Sometimes I go in a 'grinch mood' where I am cold, almost psychopath like, where I have no thoughts or emotions and I don't talk, and when do it's incredibly monotone. Other times, I'm just angry and I snap at her, and upset her, and cause arguments. Sometimes I love her, but sometimes it feels like I just hate her and I don't want to be around her, but I KNOW that's not because I don't love her. I really don't know what to do, I don't know how to communicate my feelings, and I don't know what to do when my moods go south. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I've been thinking about yoga or meditation, has anyone had success with these? 

​

Thanks for reading",5.220182835311778,5.314911269340975,6.275382726156366,79.6715377268386,68.11174785100286,9.398335379997274,29.51303042707055,9.23628265651192,2.2832176558875696,1359,45,280,24,21,455,166,349,0.08199999999999999,0.748,0.17,0.9902,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,4,5,18,22,2,1,14,0,33,7,0,8,5,61,62,33,0,5,13,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,17,19,0,0,11,2,0,3,13,7,0,1,18,4,47,11,41,42,5,39,0,4,1,3,28,12,0,4,23,199,64,4,0.09053755694031676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694450559954175,0.08025608150399646,0.0,0.0906602851527232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809740511864147,0.11001304151192276,0.12313728676906535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661192983144268,0.0,0.0,0.08059762075362667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519085437159536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884356315716401,0.0,0.1140288835488972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300701069556776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797986512671308,0.2756811434814598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184256553584503,0.08018940247850055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379280725094547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155701827646114,0.06468004876842158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701119968230105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868518744887302,0.10290916009600094,0.0,0.0,0.09981797615235316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938709343025446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24274166386920626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384465449380184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428093325871068,0.19902829413092527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846415418478426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883243846602596,0.0,0.245141039882586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665555217359504,0.20139735382207927,0.0698281453757128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642834263763753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867099526565202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056205768903224,0.0,0.2320027092904353,0.0,0.0,0.1944069068381648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489360269032816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686318765599294,0.0,0.1922488463898132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533057594827381,0.0941031878723942,0.0,0.07277065876692318,0.0,0.0833548183262468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801281074103385,0.08895269000957667,0.0718767070673641,0.1055863550712899,0.0,0.0,0.17302503111647508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890553340383904,0.0,0.0,0.07470296633577662,0.05340139683061332,0.14372899704566214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001304151192276,0.17490965483747772
bpd,bas1c_b3cky,2019/09/07,"Maybe that guy would have liked me and treated me better if my nose didn’t look so stupid.. And I’d be happy right now instead of sobbing on the bathroom floor in the middle of my shift.

I have thoughts like this regularly. Not sure if bpd related but definitely not helping. I hate that I’m so pathetic.",3.2783606557377003,5.004240114754097,4.4499672131147525,84.88806557377049,74.08196721311475,7.50295081967213,28.593442622950818,8.238735603445708,1.9332006557377053,241,10,49,4,5,79,48,61,0.166,0.624,0.21,0.3121,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,1,10,9,7,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,6,6,4,5,0,6,0,1,1,0,2,5,1,2,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627762792741548,0.0,0.0,0.3742090837814463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941930327330781,0.0,0.31628709823720064,0.0,0.2933420138247557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915159388789344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903132000831457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24950386479334485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29849445896927473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537367172533017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800297227364679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23587810263328546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110637436854552,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jlwinter90,2019/09/07,"Tried to go back to work and I'm falling apart. Trigger warning for panic attacks, episodes, suicide, and abuse. So, second time off work because of BPD, first time was after my diagnosis in August 2016 because of self-harm and suicidal ideation. Had it all planned out, could have been dead any day. During that time off, was left by and later made up with the now ex-wife, went through a ton of therapy. Things were good until I pulled a me and fucked it all up.

Been off work since November 13, a few months after my ex-wife and I split for good. Basically, an attempt to get our son to listen turned into an argument, turned into an episode, turned into my son getting hurt when I tried to put him on time-out. My fault, and I'm not proud of it. Ù

He's ok now. I don't defend what I did, and I wasn't allowed contact for a few months but I went back to therapy and we're working on mending bonds. Anyway. 

Shortly after splitting from the ex-wife and losing kids contact, my condition went from bad to worse, my well-being dropped off entirely. Et cetera. If not for family and support from the few friends I had that didn't abandon me(most of my friends' wives were friends with my ex, so I became and remain persona non grata in a lot of households), I'd be dead today. But, again, been attending therapy, counseling, and rehab to get better so I could get back to my kids and get back to work.

Return to work started on Tuesday, multi-week phase in before being off of disability and back to full time. I thought I was ready. Today, I got through half of my four hour shift(a normal shift is 12) before a panic attack set in, if not for my coffee cup and the pic of my son on it as a focus I would've dissolved. Almost hit the ditch on the way home from work.

I feel like I'm falling apart again, and I'm scared. This isn't laziness - it feels more like wanting to lift something too heavy, trying really hard, and being hurt afterward, but... in my brain, and my emotions. It's hard to get across. But I'm also feeling guilty for asking for help, and afraid that work won't understand.

It's 3:09 AM and even with all my meds and meditation, my insomnia's back with a vengeance tonight. So... help, I guess. Help me keep my head on straight. I don't deserve it, but I need it.

Apologies if this is scattered or unintelligible. I'm not all there right now.",3.081670383586084,4.663878402542373,4.02921052631579,88.2983942908118,74.29661016949152,6.6633363068688665,26.404103479036568,7.273561745256523,1.2026898305084743,1834,66,380,20,38,591,234,472,0.145,0.7490000000000001,0.105,-0.9527,1,0,1,0,1,2,83.0,1,0,0,14,21,24,3,4,17,1,26,5,2,3,4,65,62,39,4,8,13,5,5,2,3,1,2,1,1,2,16,30,0,2,5,0,0,9,10,13,0,4,19,6,39,11,69,36,12,76,0,4,0,1,21,30,1,7,36,239,55,8,0.0,0.0835300701017202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059480427094231,0.0,0.0,0.056378215962751166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794190004627375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590727177327296,0.16040612394076545,0.0,0.3252573788256492,0.05886391981517033,0.08595136349605499,0.0,0.1199793197602948,0.0,0.0,0.06235084784127851,0.0,0.0,0.08879132358571315,0.07870046622933914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257581154265747,0.0,0.0,0.04546617690260694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930215494405644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656408246957423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646040826364646,0.0,0.1069396005202789,0.10072934086518412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996661668429791,0.0,0.0,0.16340261152628205,0.06517541045182164,0.22099765579238173,0.0,0.040066342182942256,0.11826283372967154,0.05638468166147233,0.0,0.07766285992004299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630694137596848,0.0,0.07235255825152061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176246153744934,0.0,0.07071648488002412,0.0,0.06942754943104963,0.0,0.1509417869126053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266296287326165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659762945845193,0.0,0.0,0.06888473424883905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887061544122388,0.0,0.05993593192660386,0.0,0.06670808454815022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830876162034743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254363994588401,0.0,0.0,0.052274292430637866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907428582053653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543133412882555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087120722191209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516361774369142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020596491017506,0.0,0.0,0.07058203693709718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354608159640147,0.0,0.0,0.0583176990251351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427375846832283,0.0,0.0,0.049899724226327546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422944996699964,0.08000170097069224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24186607162029145,0.0,0.04683656179577246,0.0,0.0,0.055968520929674255,0.20554336602249348,0.0,0.13365007063685114,0.0,0.0,0.14359306678129158,0.2300487830186144,0.0,0.07339219409487106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041582277738278536,0.05595901445382002,0.056550237082397786,0.0,0.06338728248499828,0.19606050258177665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105942851083947,0.0,0.07184474746601748,0.050080636668169656,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,666hell666,2019/09/07,anyone else feel like they give and give and give in friendships/relationships and it's somehow never enough? like i give 101% always at all times and expect the other person to do the same even though i KNOW they can never give  back as much as i do since their brain isn't fucked up like mine. and it just leaves me frustrated and unloved and uncared for just because i manipulated myself. it's like i want the other person to go to the same extreme as me and it makes me feel bad....,5.299106529209624,5.6459908865979385,5.556237113402061,84.02170962199315,67.96907216494846,8.116151202749142,25.445017182130584,7.793537801064563,1.166210996563574,384,9,79,4,6,122,58,97,0.087,0.769,0.14400000000000002,0.6015,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,0,6,8,2,0,4,0,4,2,1,2,3,23,16,12,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,13,4,10,16,5,8,0,0,0,1,10,3,1,1,8,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198473080307998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071148621982512,0.14757921592869627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075277634966546,0.12026185361068452,0.08780140981825467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078888355522306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032140461814755,0.0,0.0,0.1488249811057597,0.0,0.09513268717161756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565520637358134,0.10289747338833816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315653621750867,0.0,0.6908496989487888,0.08185748746346302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915697726275463,0.0,0.0,0.15251054958416754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814697306009104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614339766003926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588110487040137,0.0,0.22217483961027515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515287785364363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463794403209888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914589794723925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151206171554775,0.0,0.08398702047998481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495461759702404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spiveyaf,2019/09/07,"Artist and song recommendation An under appreciated artist I recently discovered whose lyrics hit me hard that I thought others here might enjoy. :)
Yellow Days: Just When, Weight of the World, Holding On, That Easy, The Way Things Change and Nothing's Going to Keep Me Down.",5.3168085106383,8.574319829787239,4.646212765957447,78.49400000000003,74.1063829787234,7.164255319148936,24.293617021276606,8.238735603445708,1.7705097872340416,220,7,36,4,5,66,41,47,0.026000000000000002,0.743,0.23,0.9001,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,5,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34043306154151565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754128578659176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289244312812689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882791868897725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860401461458373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413903089267256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087860563794552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31774925346800004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137967368081133,0.0,0.0,0.2554817578394708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554383632469078,0.0,0.3918787495507353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cozyquartz,2019/09/07,any steven universe fans in this reddit?? the movie was very bpd coded specifically the character Spinel (my precious lovely rock baby). i’ve watched it like 5 times since it came out earlier this week and each time i feel so represented,4.8661627906976745,7.56436858139535,4.793197674418604,79.84468023255816,72.48837209302326,8.020930232558143,27.02906976744186,8.841846274778883,2.32426046511628,191,7,33,4,4,59,39,43,0.0,0.7809999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,2,2,1,6,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,4,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23991455668375655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443363949878757,0.0,0.0,0.4035066206580001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838513440919873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723591520531852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184137285658234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29183793080640513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114383909772175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29109507804929,0.0,0.0,0.2829930613281837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SirLonelyThrowaway,2019/09/07,"I don't want to get better. I can't imagine im the only one who feels this way, i have had two tragic break ups that have fucking destroyed me. I literally don't want to get better i need to be broken unless they come back. Getting over an FP is just impossible and i have no interest in doing it. A miserable shitty life is the only life to live without that one person we all know we love.",1.1788253012048209,3.0957745180722926,3.8104668674698807,86.22244728915665,80.92771084337348,6.077710843373494,21.218373493975907,7.1686216300943375,0.6771698795180718,307,9,64,4,8,108,59,83,0.22399999999999998,0.638,0.138,-0.7216,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,1,2,2,8,2,1,4,0,11,4,0,0,1,14,22,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,1,1,10,4,9,20,1,7,0,2,0,2,6,3,1,0,1,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226689214807502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373272821856877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178124860837888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067016938194296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509124749162995,0.3307590091291596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22794559024707226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597503119660466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981095067025731,0.0,0.0,0.18634088526714526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046028855407507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647399611812296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859949865492839,0.320991392231217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842608127946593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614291257434372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489386221357492,0.16750357017341605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034226918811426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pop_red-dit,2019/09/07,"Does anyone else have waves of feelings? Like, when you feel good sometimes and then feeling alone, sad and small it usually happens to me after a long day of faking that I'm okay",6.563714285714287,6.5318855142857135,6.069285714285716,82.71821428571431,65.28571428571429,8.142857142857144,31.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.9341428571428576,143,5,27,1,2,44,33,35,0.185,0.609,0.20600000000000002,-0.0258,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,3,4,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989701018699601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184142743064254,0.2957716216909464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616518050921607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25261287155050555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411427431979067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378734125168916,0.20622248451756384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242118683477358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25526569288097795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410272411207418,0.0,0.0,0.25545962809582995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28549727496933514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31792394775857635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cheuuu,2019/09/07,"DAE not know what they look like? I only recently found out that I might be borderline instead of the old depression/anxiety diagnosis. And since I can remember I've had a really hard time remembering exactly what I look like. Like I have a general idea but I can never get my body or face right in my head. Idk, I just kinda assumed that's how everyone felt this whole time? And now i'm starting to think it might be a little weird.",3.3535960591133005,5.0000917816092,5.261740558292281,79.47517241379313,73.71264367816093,10.028899835796388,27.37110016420361,10.290406445055957,2.9942065681444983,343,13,69,11,7,118,66,87,0.059000000000000004,0.868,0.073,0.2624,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,8,3,3,1,2,22,17,5,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,10,3,4,10,1,11,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,5,10,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365465818497024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406630868035898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694537318936647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775149132405465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915633443233664,0.0,0.0,0.09128012072384373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565081694969087,0.0,0.17930552869073654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722925546422876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601747395890664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560672488650266,0.17510792043314366,0.0,0.0,0.2934291572941469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37068491076697696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474912518319102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333148030322446,0.0,0.0,0.13287680256082735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192536314980576,0.0,0.17250761165182915,0.0,0.3958306275114157,0.14920360287782902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452406533267725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236624751100017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194877731195277,0.0,0.0,0.2037526401508392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950603747506268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GreenMango5,2019/09/07,"BPD is more treatable then depression Some people have just depression all their lives with the only explanation being ""you are depressed"". But BPD? Your special. I mean... not to make those depressed ppl jealous or anything... but you have a list of at least 5/9 criteria that those boring ""MDD"" fuckers don't have. I mean, who wouldn't want to be able to  ruin all their friendships & permanently scar their arm by cutting themselves in a period of under 5 minutes? 😶 But let's be positive for a sec tho, at least BPD is a shit ton more exciting then depression, be it good or bad!🤣",4.255585585585585,6.167177441441443,4.953333333333333,81.51666666666667,71.88288288288287,8.176576576576577,29.45045045045045,8.841846274778883,2.4720882882882886,460,19,85,9,9,148,80,111,0.265,0.6,0.135,-0.9513,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,3,0,2,14,4,0,5,0,13,3,2,1,2,16,17,8,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,0,0,8,3,12,11,8,7,0,6,0,1,7,4,2,3,3,61,13,0,0.14656555710807273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880371989215386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206109653051409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237611813783045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.553782565221177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.631183497862842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293223554649382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498732122633095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942007213191212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783364746984133,0.0,0.0,0.3193057177121676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146971067763736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161010297406342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044743816778658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644816296498498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaitlynv123,2019/09/07,"Someone please pick a major for me and tell me who I am I can’t pick a future. I can’t pick a major. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I like. When I am with others, I have interesting qualities, but when I am alone, I am nothing. I have nothing. I have changed my major so many times. I just don’t know what to do. It fills me with such anxiety and dread. I don’t know what I need to study or focus on. I think I like Spanish and I think I like literature and I think I like art but how do I know? How do I know what I like? How do I know it’s not just what I think I should like based on qualities I obsess over in other people? Why does my life revolve around other people? Who am I? What am I supposed to do with my time? I just feel so lost. Sorry for the stream of consciousness; it’s late, and this is my first time posting.",-1.2234429400386837,0.6282655531914934,1.6140038684719542,98.71136363636364,90.27659574468085,4.69477756286267,15.992263056092842,6.1124844417494595,-0.6979553191489365,636,14,163,6,22,221,78,188,0.099,0.77,0.131,0.6763,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,12,10,0,2,4,0,23,1,0,6,0,37,37,15,0,2,7,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,9,0,0,13,1,0,1,7,3,0,1,1,1,39,7,14,35,3,15,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,14,117,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074128649535858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395564703270876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209711069916803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437538353010006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891844804859135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871017872610483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155881524692042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227719809526844,0.0,0.1532900881249484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598328176564946,0.3983345870790297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483402286088489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777135516857678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076087693095567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607806638463312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841833798081825,0.0,0.0,0.1491666554694011,0.0,0.0,0.1301452680857635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513934317938525,0.0,0.0,0.1521179767897409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187740426615125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482918661578938,0.0,0.0,0.2377160418029302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261978798116628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LastManOnEarth3,2019/09/07,I refuse to let my brain kill me That’s all.,-4.121818181818185,-3.0062245454545438,-1.6449999999999996,116.6525,112.63636363636364,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-3.2254,34,0,11,0,2,11,11,11,0.496,0.504,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5953570387939983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5900351412228206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545351747481025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweet_southern_tea,2019/09/07,DAE start feeling ready for a new personality? It's like I can start feeling it inside...its time to change again. And it makes me wanna distance myself from the friends I made with the personality I have grown to dispise... does this make any sense to anyone?,3.175102040816326,5.779462428571431,3.644244897959183,86.39004081632655,77.77551020408163,5.552653061224492,24.08571428571429,6.742157984588678,0.7368253061224488,205,7,40,2,5,64,39,49,0.0,0.768,0.23199999999999998,0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,8,9,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,7,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373609500666305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892069314565324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28582150697524195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364420396661849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732288399389479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874543094003026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131999483377142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556570129348488,0.3607031930333543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094781942279033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471832885907992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38247881132810496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754792943561485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nanotech23,2019/09/07,Seroquel is working really well for me I thought i'd be asleep 24/7 when on this medication but not really. I guess it helps that i drink a lot of caffeine and take adderall XR twice a day with it but i've been able to stop taking 2 extra psych meds (that barely did anything) because of how balanced seroquel makes me. it makes me less suicidal and less crazy.,3.344583333333333,5.171328736111113,4.167777777777779,86.555,74.1388888888889,7.022222222222222,27.277777777777786,7.793537801064563,1.5991777777777774,287,11,57,4,6,92,55,72,0.149,0.779,0.07200000000000001,-0.7769,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,3,0,13,10,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,6,1,6,6,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,37,12,2,0.23831218778618424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611062503366647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452728977407015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369164604669058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334552176330173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625277424000997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973563606775704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026044999313317,0.0,0.0,0.31815047174348715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264711116993411,0.2400744574808463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053377796563079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992396599026404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26067485380483746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583622137950073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891932573725387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427127696297135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349411099280004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,monkeybone0101,2019/09/07,Question for my fellow borderlines Do you ever experience auditory hallucinations in times of extreme stress? And if so what are they like for you?,5.5330666666666675,9.107201240000002,7.0120000000000005,59.63266666666666,76.6,9.733333333333334,32.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,4.503533333333333,121,6,17,4,3,41,23,25,0.11,0.8029999999999999,0.087,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40777051537911146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409646913908378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202360063909243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049943487219557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163849464432287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26286259541578993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joh10417,2019/09/07,"I lose myself in times I spend with it - an exploration in identity and psychosis. “Son, if you can’t say anything nice, say something clever but devastating” bore the caption to my favorite comic. Behind the caption stood a penned-ink boy, keeping his head low as he gazed up at the elder grasping his shoulder in stern encouragement. It became the caption to the life I illustrated. The reality of living inside a box and forcing myself to think outside of it. The fragility of satire as it teeters on tragedy in an epic tale between the two. 

Years ago it told a different story - in this scene, the walls were painted white but my corner of the world was pitch black. Is anyone here? I floated to the air, the sound of my voice ricocheting back in an echoing silence. I was alone. I was lost. I became desperate. Animalistic - it’s only human nature. I threw myself into walls. I screamed. I begged. I broke things. I was broken. I wasn’t sick like the way you see in movies. I was sick like razor blades. Like week-old dirty dishes. Like paper cuts. Like bile. My thoughts didn’t stop when the walls started closing in. My throat became hoarse crying out existence:

I’m here! I’m here! 
Please help me...I’m here. 
I’m... I want them to go away. 
Please. They’re still here. ... please. 

My jaw became rigid in anger and despair, and I vowed to never open it again. Pleading was not enough to keep the voices away, and they began to take the place of mine. “We’re alone now”, they teased. A Cheshire Cat of stern encouragement. An echoing of things I didn’t want to hear so I started to see. Illuminated grins sneering back at me in the dark. In the walls. There was always sound. Sound. SOUND. There was no way out. Quiet never came home to my house of silence.

This is a story of being detained by my body in the confines of my mind. It is a kind of torture where you start to lose your sense of self the more time you spend with it. The walls were closing in and I wanted out. I was inconsolable. On edge. This is the fragility of life in lieu of its cessation. Sometimes, quiet is violent.

Borderline: A Memoir.",0.967348111658456,3.563331440886703,2.07510837438424,92.23727668308705,92.9655172413793,4.381543513957307,20.06715927750411,6.1699414131618235,0.19823395730706084,1639,54,322,17,60,517,211,406,0.207,0.685,0.10800000000000001,-0.9948,2,2,1,0,0,0,76.0,0,5,3,3,15,25,5,1,33,0,21,10,5,0,2,35,45,13,0,4,4,1,2,5,0,0,4,12,1,3,15,16,1,5,4,1,2,4,8,14,0,1,21,18,44,11,59,23,2,62,0,6,4,0,23,39,0,1,22,203,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489775944033353,0.0,0.0,0.2217532972984573,0.0,0.0,0.08907829964175089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485531460206116,0.0,0.08809710736780181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011633109695001,0.16463730658507447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891392264552653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224423502502358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175948425905342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184964385559512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061638745953156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084179875210306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986927052734434,0.0,0.12065871627601175,0.0,0.0717566805914239,0.0,0.10738484990422488,0.0,0.0,0.12352704610551662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031072808880606,0.0,0.11148126293394643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123216326263714,0.26150822048613803,0.0,0.0945314877574215,0.0,0.0,0.2395342250220392,0.11686313105111487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809498793323323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513476406642288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233616806292092,0.0,0.0,0.08142011835309512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184964385559512,0.35254258207750777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026879625440042,0.0,0.0,0.1706178794506409,0.0,0.1116816672473547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824161355976184,0.1058800891764616,0.0,0.2273221472502821,0.0,0.0854942263958551,0.08950273707686149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049200398969238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224511206975202,0.06859649331229913,0.0,0.08498967715365445,0.12484921187234828,0.0,0.0,0.1022955984913731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457713661907048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943136078567374,0.16995048263800985,0.08587302849461917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893988192754456
bpd,h0b04lyfe,2019/09/07,"When you die, who will be there to help you cross over? Do you know of that place?  The one that exists while you’re still here on earth, but starting to transition into Heaven?  When your pain is finally leaving your body and your soul gets ready to fly... Who will be there, arms extended ready to whisk you away to the golden streets?  

There’s only one face I yearn to see, my grandmother there smiling at me.",4.076666666666668,5.4995540000000025,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,71.5,7.333333333333335,23.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.8393333333333328,320,8,68,4,6,96,58,80,0.073,0.7390000000000001,0.188,0.897,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,7,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,6,4,3,0,0,5,10,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,10,1,12,6,0,14,2,1,1,0,10,7,0,0,6,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106364227975154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086457626293555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883803631205293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30438790802579463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517317645338265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624728637462268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527075290776134,0.0,0.0,0.2942192841442087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765775035704844,0.21132911910890367,0.29566832244279423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29031014922061915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214227079121066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966745242824472,0.0,0.2219036267520535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,commedefuckdown_,2019/09/07,"I feel like shit (trigger warning: self harm) !!! 
Welp today was just a bad day 
I got in one of those moods where I feel ugly dirty and disgusting 
Took it out on my mom and she cursed me out 
Cut myself after promising I wouldn’t do it again 
And I also haven’t eaten a full meal in about 5 days so yea 
I just feel like..bleh.",-0.8542539682539676,1.2265892571428587,1.0976190476190482,101.04626984126986,92.14285714285714,3.6825396825396814,13.492063492063492,5.033348758259628,-1.3598412698412696,248,4,60,1,9,81,54,70,0.28600000000000003,0.647,0.067,-0.9507,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,2,1,4,3,1,1,0,12,10,5,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,4,3,10,2,8,5,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,6,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061870414398428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527778534639969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325588204962979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911007020619991,0.3683884710523621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062106878654594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519260198748022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30196808809251824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471269046413418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689735514843932,0.0,0.2646594106157409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439326592956645,0.0,0.286459288657862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Obfusc8ion,2019/09/07,"I think my S/O may have BPD traits ***also posted at r/borderlinepdisorder (cause I found it first)***

I (35M)have wondered for years If my wife (29F) has BPD.  She doesn't think anything is wrong with her and doesn't want to go to counseling for us or her.   I have gone to counseling on my own to try and fix me so that I can be a better spouse.  

My mom saw a book called ""walking on eggshells"" and ordered it for me.  I had to go on a work trip and the book arrived while I was gone. I received a text picture of the book with a ""wtf"" caption from my wife.

I told her that I'm not trying to imply or state anything about her or anybody and that I am trying to find ways to be a better husband and Dad and this book caught my eye.  It's informational only.

I'm going through a career change and she's 17 weeks pregnant, so those are easy to attribute stresses to. She's been a stay at home mom for the past 9 years and this baby is a surprise. We were looking at new career options for her until we find out.  I'm on my way home today and expect fireworks.

I'm open to suggestions and advice for my immediate future as well as longer term.

Help",0.9111331938633214,2.9023508577405863,2.661114016736402,93.72059710599724,82.26359832635984,4.987517433751744,21.25540446304045,5.985473137389443,0.03199986052998671,881,27,198,6,24,291,134,239,0.033,0.8959999999999999,0.071,0.8197,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,3,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,12,0,17,1,1,2,0,35,35,22,0,3,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,17,0,0,7,4,0,9,3,2,1,1,10,3,31,4,34,22,2,35,0,0,3,0,24,9,0,7,11,126,40,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662876094245826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362891294713457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327448825020204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292144393995323,0.0,0.0,0.32641502343401624,0.0,0.13232056312640575,0.0,0.0,0.13311927921623135,0.13708352972550547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368763081859609,0.11022475958120136,0.0,0.1420830380680138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093807414531125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685795589051586,0.0,0.2599682281681682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881859019884547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30353628914048103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515380154282255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855507515433948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370334870169165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241064121100667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812014860256766,0.0,0.0,0.14843894371002472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606540718595725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283123276333605,0.12382382390496935,0.0,0.2639387068778827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587455183170545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643246892967771,0.20571675560907124,0.10394510531556117,0.0,0.11651229231753735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052918137988613,0.0943392733822072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168062968138145,0.0,0.16689671746816276
bpd,teachmemasterP,2019/09/07,I try to ve a nice person so hard but I always feel like I do things wrong. I've just always wanted someone to be on my side. I feel like no one is on my team but I'd do anything for them. Tragic.,-2.3403623188405795,-0.6144101086956528,0.9956521739130472,101.5794202898551,95.7391304347826,3.066666666666667,12.014492753623188,3.1291,-1.8016115942028983,149,2,39,0,6,53,33,46,0.233,0.607,0.159,-0.5989,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,7,3,5,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678404585807975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23134361161108505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842925705389424,0.4016744466586937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518346211271591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746889563157772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049896720697806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454692997078261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381980403013901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676832272626456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086681579235115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581602001829618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073683011478746,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deb_Koushik,2019/09/07,"Are You on the Verge? Check your BPD Score Dear All,

Here we are conducting a survey on BPD. You can check your situation by answering these questions.This is MSI-BPD questionnaire(clinically standard).

[Click Here to Participate](https://forms.gle/yU8xAhHuPzSZEmCa8)",8.630769230769229,13.117227846153849,6.611666666666667,59.23750000000001,78.23076923076924,8.753846153846155,27.012820512820515,8.841846274778883,3.333851282051284,222,8,30,6,6,65,31,39,0.0,0.929,0.071,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.958485391377999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851416393916608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,swampyslothy,2019/09/07,"Feel like I’m running out of time and I’m so empty. I don’t know how to explain this I just feel so low and I don’t want to keep trying. 

I’m running out of time to do anything meaningful with my life but I’m so exhausted.

I’m 21 and feel like I’ve wasted my whole fucking life being sad and wanting to kill myself. I have no interest in anything anymore, not even things I use to love doing. 

I hate this disorder, I hate my life, and I’m just so tired of waking up every morning.",-0.3950314465408802,1.5955819811320815,2.43801886792453,93.31633647798745,87.67924528301887,5.042767295597487,21.097484276729556,6.42735559955562,0.3006125786163527,374,13,85,4,12,131,58,106,0.33399999999999996,0.536,0.129,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,4,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,0,23,25,11,1,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,0,3,11,4,13,24,1,9,0,2,0,2,2,5,1,0,4,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787239114624712,0.0,0.0,0.2966016138810663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654091295203952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902967960144208,0.0,0.1518381086926709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733649137176137,0.25748990496015123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666049841966046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558481267450359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018252691986512,0.19938014407826612,0.0,0.09904092822277956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38187153671645857,0.17608696257308146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265021507945313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972620630561548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016852221104695,0.20712953855236332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235350958279705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564707631228644,0.0,0.0,0.21258983034915704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012025496843772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Relevantvalue,2019/09/07,"Apologizing when you shouldn’t/ don’t want to/ don’t mean it? I’ve noticed I do a thing in many of my relationships where I apologize to the other person even when I know I shouldn’t be. I can’t figure out exactly what it is. I think it’s a mix of feeling really self destructive sometimes and making things all my fault even when they’re not, trying to resolve conflicts by taking everything on myself and maybe it’s somehow subconsciously manipulative at times? I don’t intend to be, but I think there’s an element of that there. Does anyone else do this? Then of course I’ll switch to the other side of my personality, fierce fiery bitch who takes no shit from no one lol. Frustrating",4.034808080808084,5.917546918518521,5.191919191919193,79.69818181818181,72.4074074074074,8.464646464646465,25.60606060606061,9.095868883498916,2.0587777777777787,554,18,106,12,11,183,93,135,0.233,0.715,0.053,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,9,6,4,0,5,1,11,1,1,3,2,22,20,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,12,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,0,1,13,1,16,16,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,5,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689682768089098,0.2006039951408714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133202626853086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355253221445218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25862716501128113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595816694796548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899434729930356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759784690722184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068743830662366,0.19849439536200955,0.19669149068186909,0.21326633200159864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229015488295236,0.0,0.0,0.1326684048344698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34190233055372443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542433780732573,0.0,0.0,0.21019890353799867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042455640932507,0.0,0.20096961324071208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936355274155554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944106255766934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014057517468075,0.2509011517594673,0.0,0.0,0.11416331047864768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329245840975785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154785624004267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,felawful_,2019/09/07,"I want to hear about your BPD success stories in professional life and career Landed my first big-girl job a few months ago. It went well for the first bit, but when things got tougher I started spiralling. I am starting to lose hope that I'll ever find a career path I can maintain, enjoy, succeed, and thrive in. I completed a 6 month DBT program in January and I would say I'm somewhat ""in remission"" as I haven't had suicidal urges for a while, but I can feel the impending spiral. 

Tell me your stories, I want to hear about your successes, I want something to give me hope. Please and thanks.",5.807399267399268,5.998675991452996,5.9559218559218525,82.13153846153847,66.86324786324786,9.07887667887668,32.953601953601954,8.841846274778883,2.5843294261294263,469,19,93,7,7,149,79,117,0.027000000000000003,0.6409999999999999,0.331,0.9894,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,6,5,9,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,1,16,21,9,1,6,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,3,4,16,8,13,17,3,16,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,3,10,58,19,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319008488223062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635321751700084,0.0,0.2034463333919376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936525505740127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611669006163613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167640989248631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763908799557485,0.2748013611614463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495806731609285,0.0,0.0,0.1291934423347636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641209640193036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208792860827078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029750304675294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409619374689142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071515184017808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25786968781324315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773157503050024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284582667296383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435671317728356,0.0,0.0,0.22866909786101355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766919042858491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118777702034516,0.14871874240313918,0.0,0.0,0.10731596716019692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858306960061749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452384048853945,0.1497435738929979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474907110983015,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lucile-lucette,2019/09/07,"Who do you tell about your BPD? Friends? Family? Coworkers? Bosses? Professors? 

If you were to record a playing of your voice to be played at your own funeral, what would you say? Would you tell everyone there that you had BPD? Do you think it would make a difference in how they think about you?",1.109861111111112,3.698482803571431,1.586666666666666,94.76944444444445,95.96428571428572,6.7746031746031745,18.72222222222221,7.793537801064563,1.0569626984126987,231,7,48,6,9,70,39,56,0.040999999999999995,0.823,0.136,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,10,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,0,9,11,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,11,3,7,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,16,2,0,1,0,36,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5611079231137809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273308786668226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285334214210502,0.0,0.0,0.20999496428336248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210108728767876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486916657998894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714487661127806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893979262841655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28546668822672305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747193908304465,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,f1ightl3ss,2018/12/23,does anybody else obsess over things? like you have one collection or something like that and like when you obsess you really do. ,3.9055072463768106,7.182783608695651,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,82.47826086956522,6.544927536231885,20.71014492753623,7.793537801064563,1.3642579710144926,105,3,17,2,3,31,18,23,0.136,0.61,0.254,0.5423,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726255693443643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35570614999092265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6240816910056955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885370643312875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727821312977658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32780614680933656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828864866808624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,afeelsinit,2018/12/23,"My sexuality is messed up anyone relate? 25 F- Just a little rant about how confusing it is for me to navigate my sexuality as someone with BPD , alongside my cultural upbringing whereby sex was heavily taboo. Unlike a lot of BPD's- my main way of coping with feelings of shame/ low self worth has been to  avoid romantic relationships/sex rather than being hypersexual and constantly in relationship to relationship. I guess some of this was influenced by my cultural upbringing whereby women are heavily shamed for being sexual agents, as well as a way to avoid intimacy and vulnerability. 

After 2 years of therapy I decided to start dating and explore sex and wow; the amount of anxiety, confusion and intensity makes me realise why I avoided relationships until now.  I find myself attracted to unavailable men, as soon as they show any interest in me or become available I lose interest. I'm only turned on when kissing men in public places, as soon as were are together in private I tend to disassociate a little and don't feel into it as much. Sex with men is hard to get to, I often feel body conscious and as well feel I need a high level of trust established for me to want them to touch me, a lot of the time I focus on giving them pleasure instead but I have enjoyed the few times that we have had sex. I wonder if all this stuff is  a safety thing (I don't feel safe and so cant enjoy when we are one to one) or a sexuality thing am I gay/ bi? I had one crush on a girl when I round 10/11 but thought nothing of it  and thought it was an identity crush as my later crushes in teens were men and my most intense feelings of romantic/ sexual attraction was when I was 17 to a guy in my class. However it is something that has revisited my mind now and I wonder why I'm finding relationships and intimacy with men so hard. 

 Sigh- its a source of great anxiety for me at the moment. I hate this reverse teen process I'm going through of trying to decipher my sexuality. Its really stressful when your early 20's college days are behind you and you are going through the process of trying to maintain a full time job whilst going through this stressful feeling of not knowing your own identity and questioning everything. Its agony and I'm tired. It makes me regret dating in the first place, dating is now not fun because of all the anxieties/ triggers and abandonment fears I am getting- on top of being confused about my sexuality.  Does anyone relate? I would love to know of anyone on the other-side of all of this",7.93923236514523,7.294086392116183,8.723390871369297,66.85999087136929,62.67219917012449,12.027352697095438,37.53726141078838,11.368139846972461,4.388947950207468,2019,88,356,52,25,686,242,482,0.157,0.738,0.106,-0.9771,2,3,1,0,0,0,39.0,2,4,3,3,21,34,1,11,21,0,34,10,1,5,3,79,67,40,0,6,9,0,11,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,19,23,0,6,19,1,1,4,5,17,3,4,12,11,48,16,78,51,13,57,0,4,1,8,28,24,0,15,27,258,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819383461000301,0.0,0.19639358522995246,0.0,0.0,0.1795077810529268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216563618636179,0.09451070199896804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505437034932132,0.2155570636358982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247601520181434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518870083300118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488713064619537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690916008805539,0.0,0.0,0.09629550098807398,0.3028845188273828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642773086943865,0.07278992635000317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941865756931501,0.08209119678013949,0.14590248330821956,0.0,0.0,0.09434657767324713,0.09427034850860253,0.08473255865044584,0.0,0.0,0.1533165195670995,0.08448745084183404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041453070930716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491983730755659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405940260067346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171536968298466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573637144430346,0.0,0.1455053598779625,0.07723464600832397,0.0,0.1142437579176906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640620700521066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290736341378228,0.06345266927525357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211137953752119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739632055110896,0.0650835319501743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881501566779567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958634202222935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054821442179575325,0.0,0.0,0.36750146703490816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927323498867934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250729534973849,0.06587970274270166,0.0,0.0,0.06057032149140627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605141024898576,0.0,0.09796273322094774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786230246789704,0.0,0.11370425987345545,0.0,0.0,0.13587374915071207,0.14969815509128104,0.0983557050947926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619941597848125,0.09308086675952988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047426553960018,0.13585067045407925,0.0,0.0,0.15388414016754165,0.0,0.1544359892521007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856045556648727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607899203956902,0.0,0.0,0.05510739972907477
bpd,trash-eating_raccoon,2018/12/23,"Long distance relationships suck, help I’m in love with a guy I’ve known for 4 years. We had lost contact for a few months and recently started talking again. We flirt a lot and he has told me he’s interested in me too, but we aren’t actually together. We’d still talk almost daily though. Oh, also he lives in a different country. So this is an entirely online communication thing. Awhile ago, he warned me he’d be busy this month, and that’s okay. I figured it meant we’d just be talking less, but I’d still hear from him every now and then. 

He hasn’t spoken to me since November 25. I’ve texted him a few times “I miss you” or something, and he’ll reply something very brief, ending the conversation immediately. Other than those few (2 or 3) times where I initiated the conversation, he hasn’t contacted me at all. Not a text, no calls, no snapchats, nothing. And I am breaking apart everyday. I don’t have a lot of friends, so I’m pretty much always alone. Which means, I’ve got nobody else to spend my time thinking about.

I don’t know what to do. The only thing he’s busy with right now is visiting his friends (he isn’t spending time with family as they are not very close) as far as I know. That should mean he’d have a few *seconds* to send me a message every now and then right? So why isn’t he?? Is this the evidence I need to validate my overwhelming feeling that I love him more than he loves me? Does this mean he just doesn’t love me at all, if I’m so easily forgettable?

I have nobody to talk to about this, or about anything really. My heart is so heavy and I feel like I’m a dam that’s about to burst. I’m trying *so* hard not to message him more and tell him how much I miss him and go off on him for just disappearing. What should I do? I am so, so head over heels for him. Do I just suffer and wait until he reaches out to me, and then maybe talk about it? Do I draw the line and leave? I feel like my head is screaming “He’s using you!! He doesn’t really like you!! Open your eyes!!” But my heart is screaming “I love him though!! He’s just busy!! It’s hard to communicate because of the distance!!”

I want to trust my heart so badly. I’d wait until the end of time if he needed me to. But there’s no point in any of this if he’s just manipulating me. Can someone please tell me if I’m romanticizing the hell out of this? Or something I can do to feel better? Any thoughts/advice are appreciated. Sorry if this is totally trivial and I’m overreacting I have no idea",1.2031922478856103,3.2077094390715684,3.176295369211517,90.34568627450984,81.30174081237911,6.453354572002883,21.16239996965904,7.583002386737751,0.6588078203815373,1928,57,435,31,51,649,224,517,0.086,0.7390000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9949,2,1,3,0,0,1,74.0,5,4,1,2,33,26,2,1,19,1,41,12,7,3,3,76,80,48,0,10,22,0,6,3,2,3,0,3,0,1,22,24,0,2,14,0,2,5,16,10,0,1,5,10,61,16,50,66,14,51,1,5,1,5,68,19,2,12,29,269,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.07572521413148123,0.0,0.0,0.07582862832964164,0.06878663516496028,0.0,0.0777039676232024,0.08036893203725541,0.0,0.06205571519130518,0.06456840008350988,0.0,0.0,0.10553966081392853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385718292334869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479173880754671,0.04730349517391197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862981365233631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923702898933478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107420755347733,0.0,0.0,0.06790721406051885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482382224219724,0.0,0.1374589705606323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130760635515775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315322232671538,0.0,0.15694509612111873,0.11087316583887044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990524767095545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410117412911324,0.0,0.062062832010301675,0.0,0.0,0.07683499085251203,0.0,0.0,0.13902652730073184,0.0,0.1592774681336185,0.0,0.08745946316223485,0.2758647787071992,0.05201282556722832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759957565615194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529251864362841,0.0,0.0,0.08216590213253523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373253063911168,0.0,0.06852114315785376,0.06867247714832188,0.0,0.0,0.08470823344256323,0.13194341317292316,0.35017963661571505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795840306401326,0.2535834561911254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238772094471534,0.0,0.11408806176604645,0.11507702212662795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445812089399695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590173678416886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518015640023545,0.07335592789584759,0.0,0.0,0.07894585507593904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942352917173528,0.0,0.07661943225708348,0.08331204765809153,0.0,0.13253786582221674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419051152145468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574919326961963,0.17921799264260949,0.0,0.0868654795098996,0.054924814874588064,0.0,0.1239409696179342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118547941482104,0.1356495055595214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310636084187966,0.04972216400994698,0.15248081192017493,0.0,0.2262423591016309,0.0,0.0,0.07414895835166213,0.0,0.052684476935282935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702042981831906,0.0,0.12805423825292278,0.04576977011896285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002082794664531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499710692268456
bpd,adams_eve1,2018/12/23,"Right in the middle So, I'm fairly very new to reddit but I honestly love it and the community I've observed so far, ( a lurker) and I just stumbled across this subreddit.  I've struggled with BPD my whole life (31 F) and never heard any stories or voices like mine. This really feels like home and I cannot even begin to say how much I needed this today. Thank you all for voicing your issues and feelings,  it's something I've always struggled very much with,  but reading them gives me hope.  Love to all",2.8242555555555526,4.879349270000001,3.9653333333333336,86.42322222222224,76.3,6.044444444444442,23.11111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.8279777777777779,397,12,76,4,9,129,72,100,0.054000000000000006,0.693,0.253,0.9776,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,0,5,9,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,1,3,19,12,11,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,10,7,8,11,5,9,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,6,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916654796205595,0.0,0.0,0.1219093771592506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257836035916789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840578463470773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128804630191897,0.1280701348369993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197159693621647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982188061579268,0.17805501903567394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711073588704027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662331805527846,0.1751640014257043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235953654915709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635673536174428,0.1329260297466017,0.1382636557016834,0.17313955723149185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931796837192635,0.0,0.11484460365729372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309513549498147,0.0,0.14256226637165936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801038516576486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748227169444168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650472290238585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992648239746544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958321508260115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014794499702088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,allroadsleadtoprozac,2018/12/23,"Overwhelming urge to hurt myself, DAE? So I saw a psychiatrist for depression half a year ago and she mentioned that she thinks I have BPD,but  I do not totally agree with this. Ido have an ectreme fear of abamdonment and a history of self harm 
so I thought she might be a little shallow and theowing the BPD label at me only because of this. 

 Anyway I have this recurrent urge to hurt myself in a way, I usually eat and purge to satisfy it or I start to emotionally abuse myself, though it doesn't feel as satisfying anymore. So tonight I relapsed after 4/5 years and I cut myself because I really needed to self destruct somehow, it was like satisfying a craving, it was almost compulsive.

The point of this post is: is this typical.of BPD? Do any of you feel like this? Because I'm starting to feel like my psychiatrist has a point, tonight's episode really scared me and got me thinking.",4.724226244343889,6.424489341176471,5.821764705882355,76.61486425339366,70.29411764705883,9.46606334841629,32.48868778280543,9.851270322608157,3.4158733031674204,708,33,128,18,13,235,101,170,0.209,0.733,0.057999999999999996,-0.9807,1,0,0,0,1,5,18.0,0,1,0,0,6,12,2,3,10,0,13,1,0,0,1,20,25,12,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,7,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,5,4,22,3,17,18,1,16,0,4,1,0,7,5,0,4,12,89,33,0,0.0,0.1507366856559401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277419229975308,0.0,0.12739396492033478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651498925145573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616955224713058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326591545755953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806931138456762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957569994083044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017936537401786,0.0,0.14310707493821098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315956817038375,0.192981053747076,0.1817741439919205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175066326492373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723865149219205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646201039306426,0.1275093750740575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496191721186626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433313747262707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675769099684377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405308967073071,0.0,0.12184303908111878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630027136964094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737092524628527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654395613297728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800960788339416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303681295560754,0.12499448740493005,0.10099966797262956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401165192862985,0.0,0.0,0.10098251277737126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385296233484728
bpd,southernwickedwitch,2018/12/23,"Can feel myself giving up I’ve been in “recovery” for almost a year. No real outbursts, I’ve stayed on my meds... 

I’m also a year Postpartum. I can feel my old self sneaking back in and it’s so scary. I’ve stopped taking my meds... I just don’t WANT to take them. 

I know I’m a mother now and this was a decision I had to make and not lightly. And here I am only a year in giving up. My kid deserves better than me. ",-2.0688509316770194,-0.23502906521738964,1.3380745341614926,97.17369565217396,100.52173913043478,3.932919254658385,15.267080745341616,5.773587663045528,-0.6832136645962734,314,8,75,3,14,112,60,92,0.095,0.7909999999999999,0.113,0.1359,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,15,18,6,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,12,1,10,15,0,14,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,7,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977481198397892,0.0,0.0,0.15792502467698705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185025723218534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465538800430802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970407319818115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788824369077526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853007712531122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181971727517194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43871246722274543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072224864541,0.0,0.0,0.15019276216601232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247759578337512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060151523539026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048785764622605,0.0,0.1651024780471985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29696140600193605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647907131863976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815127575174936
bpd,flooptyscoops,2018/12/23,"DAE feel like they need to sleep immediately after stopping crying? Like the face down on the mattress, dead to the world, not-even-the-apocalypse-could-wake-me-up type of exhaustion? I feel that right this second, and I've felt it countless times before. It feels like it's much more intense than the whole ""crying makes you tired"" idea. I have difficulty holding my head up, keeping my eyes open, and my words slur the slightest bit, even if prior to crying I felt as energized as ever. It's that weirdest phenomenon because at once I feel physically very comfortable yet my brain/emotions are just deadened to to the point of just plain despair.

So lol anyone know what's up?",6.571358267716536,7.38266962992126,6.303612204724412,78.1439222440945,65.29921259842521,8.869685039370083,31.623031496062993,8.841846274778883,2.517410236220472,541,20,98,8,8,169,90,127,0.19699999999999998,0.6679999999999999,0.135,-0.8253,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,1,0,6,7,0,0,6,1,2,6,4,1,1,21,12,6,1,2,3,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,3,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,7,10,5,16,10,4,15,0,1,1,0,2,9,0,1,9,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050339748613159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156980417813826,0.0,0.12782208878374207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639961154004023,0.0,0.0,0.1676898652498872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993463045678485,0.0,0.4950130985142291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897190466245304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984314728721806,0.13587826693869562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038133158172172,0.2146275670994144,0.28846033717166997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416415333965405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957469970095804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351818996541878,0.0,0.0,0.0825543567271602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016270723798811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002698261334783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110425471062673,0.11138268264107168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599743073530893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200193723598134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282829775570374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503237041498876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255866505421271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759170308058696,0.17265029842936175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394328873469453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770992920922456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anarocket92,2018/12/23,"Feeling used is triggering. This year, I’ve been spending the holidays alone. Been too depressed to do anything but sleep 12-14 hours a day honestly. But then a friend said she wanted to hang out with me, so I got really excited to just be around someone, and be social you know? Turns out she just wanted to use me for a place for her friend to crash while they went out and celebrated her birthday, without me. I stood up for myself & told her no and just ended the friendship but it still hurt me. The holidays are really hard since my Mom passed away— well everything is. And I’ve been trying really hard to hold on. I was so excited to just go out, dance, and be social. But good things never happen to me. People in my life have always just used me or taken from me. And I have BPD (duh) so I’m just not really good at making friends to begin with. Whether I don’t try or I try so hard, it doesn’t matter. The rest of my immediate family lives 10 min away and we never see each other. My cat is the only person who wants to be my friend and I fully recognize how sad and pathetic that is. I just feel like I’m not living so why does it even matter? I’ve tried therapy, DBT, EMDR, meds — nothing works. I always just end up feeling like I’ve been on this Earth far too long already. Ugh. People suck. People suck. I shouldn’t be the one feeling crappy because other people suck. But here I am. Wondering why I suck so bad literally only a cat wants to be around me. I hate everything.",1.1615031503150313,3.4483287326732714,3.1400840084008443,88.90357335733576,83.45544554455445,6.312991299129911,19.082808280828086,7.5764669431780325,0.6314871287128709,1158,30,240,20,33,389,161,303,0.177,0.6409999999999999,0.182,-0.4662,0,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,1,1,1,23,22,5,0,10,1,23,2,1,6,2,60,55,26,0,5,19,1,7,2,4,1,1,1,0,1,10,19,0,1,6,3,1,5,9,10,1,1,11,9,35,12,32,37,2,33,0,3,1,0,19,15,4,3,15,158,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091707505847844,0.09771330303573507,0.0,0.147355620589795,0.09594013349567958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286625351267803,0.1576503779113252,0.0,0.0,0.16638476849593556,0.0,0.07393265799314941,0.053977145774116456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152126090199277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710518969431873,0.0,0.0762650007019426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748766933569545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568518957136848,0.0,0.0,0.05848415115400814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915983198622055,0.0,0.08347379259943424,0.0,0.17908715414615653,0.1265153243522486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736433326468488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032303630049028,0.14853726470969986,0.07081875278472186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830140832215572,0.0,0.2379609086915655,0.08742137130047012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720050046795233,0.0,0.09479089690021343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866285985150325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254303618369188,0.08651872852096212,0.0,0.15637642500803414,0.07836089692900605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591054995751997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983552388105172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370463141780334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658509276569095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496278828416408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000142360422064,0.13468725959820158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24554807281496294,0.07731541881588297,0.09251228272976504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269007103069023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422803157729279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056012410226854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324660862733713,0.0,0.0886104820800831,0.18052408266547784,0.07502519161844247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071337709673214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012606794869564,0.0,0.058826383219036625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461000860997403,0.0,0.2404691392138131,0.09631320311921733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942732858411174,0.0,0.0,0.208908161621136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961396882493643,0.08208352489865832,0.15979895030610006,0.0,0.0,0.08535569978719161,0.09602493988257124,0.06446293194153978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057021065319365176
bpd,tannerlord18,2018/12/23,"Empty, Manipulative, and a Liar Does anyone else lack an internal sense of morality and just act of impulse? Do you think it's related to feeling empty all the time? Like you can find satisfaftion without meaning? If so, do you feel that meaning is never fulfilling? ",4.270625000000003,7.209026479166668,5.853999999999999,70.19100000000002,75.875,8.840000000000002,32.516666666666666,9.3871,3.873036666666668,213,11,33,6,5,72,41,48,0.188,0.7390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,2,15,9,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,4,9,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008466175136228,0.2943138607834028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513678259075756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399542300398085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904768524568129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625344186711995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033216429819473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6257825274359868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215391049584736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405337988776235,0.0,0.0,0.1674933973433085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768914960053173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Solveourissues,2018/12/23,"Can anyone talk with my gf about bpd sometimes? She's 17 and lives in the eu.

She says i don't get it, i told her I'd like it if she talked to a professional she hung up on me and chatted

[23/12, 20:00] M: No one can help me okay
[23/12, 20:00] M: They fucked me up
[23/12, 20:00] T: No they didn't baby
[23/12, 20:00] M: They did
[23/12, 20:00] T: Who?
[23/12, 20:00] M: U cant help me
[23/12, 20:00] M: No one cant
[23/12, 20:00] M: And u dont get it

So she's probably not gonna go talk to someone professional, but maybe it'd be good if she talked with someone who understands her, maybe that's a first step.

She also has a difficult home situation and alot of physical issues, If someone here is willing and feels up to it and strong enough to take something like this on then ,I'm gonna propose she add u somewhere, be it fb, instagram wherever.

Idk what I'm doing, is this even the way to go? I feel she is needs some kind of support and guidance, her parents aren't there for her, and i try but it doesn't seem enough.

In any case thanks for reading this.",-0.8495999999999988,1.2648929066666703,1.1803333333333337,99.9585,93.26666666666668,4.6000000000000005,17.27777777777778,6.2581,-0.4564222222222218,804,22,198,9,30,264,116,225,0.055999999999999994,0.828,0.11699999999999999,0.9393,1,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,3,2,6,10,1,0,6,1,19,1,0,0,0,24,37,16,0,4,6,1,2,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,14,11,0,0,4,2,0,3,11,2,0,3,3,3,25,8,19,28,4,13,0,0,0,1,29,7,1,6,4,111,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468267737176533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901818493953978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153006762626544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486710907057314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534167483703317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705145380409722,0.0,0.08645986289270384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237646856280008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113455947521676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121017246615398,0.13678230090688034,0.0,0.14878980828250468,0.10979480156460954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548236520239036,0.0,0.13130587488706413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662819447931238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631480396082168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790469311720173,0.0,0.11558930068286732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26301829996511233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706254083969673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774058357973595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535172861803536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411350289318444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093791834128346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040989174827338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916871442706507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713988815591894,0.0,0.0,0.33273977579401776,0.10077513540418362,0.12946591399843904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854659922975585,0.0,0.0,0.09842238467256816,0.42085786557470223,0.0,0.1205174294165406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508294297552605,0.0,0.08887420094207828,0.0,0.0,0.13627411305663556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390430693978517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrTextAndDrive,2018/12/23,"I told my parents about my BPD and immediately regret it So the other day I was talking with my mom and she was saying some stuff that of course I misinterpreted and subsequently I went off, and then after realizing what was going on in my head I apologized. I had upset her quite a bit and I was upset as well. I decided, foolishly, to inform my mom about it. Maybe telling her finally could improve our relationship because she'd be more apt to understand.

She called me today, 36 hours later, to tell me I don't have BPD. She said it's because I don't have any fear of abandonment, and that I certainly never adopt personality traits from others. And my mood is apparently SUPER stable. She knew this because she had done some research! 

So, yeah. Turns out I'm cured, y'all. Merry Christmas.",3.0333333333333314,5.471203052287585,4.892575163398696,78.15258823529412,77.30065359477123,7.740130718954247,25.232679738562087,8.648137234880735,2.071551111111112,629,23,116,14,15,214,103,153,0.111,0.732,0.157,0.8140000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,5,9,0,3,2,1,15,1,1,0,2,21,23,11,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,10,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,11,2,29,3,15,9,4,14,0,2,0,0,24,4,0,2,8,85,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374607227407584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789975896046123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665560727574272,0.0,0.3842881097805061,0.0,0.1557808784472741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180679394584246,0.0,0.0,0.09838861768955684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561219090513814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167248166629356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712208859954406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670339781813588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657063508812602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024092816791648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326708568658318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573529967353482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766372326360723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939989230976246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332095598334153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226640274689538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379241037880846,0.0,0.0,0.14511955291563713,0.12132188298550353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464476896938286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262199731628252,0.26668843350808785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460909845399209,0.14577767510095588,0.0,0.0,0.16594153650269838,0.0,0.1588204027285168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716981562262925,0.14142470400844825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bap2point0,2018/12/23,"Substance abuse and BPD Does anyone else have serious substance abuse problems that have stemmed from their BPD? I absolutely cannot stand being in my own mind so I do everything I can to drown my thoughts and feelings. Throughout the last decade plus, I have tried everything I can to regain sanity and take control of my mind. I am/have been on myriad mental health medicines, intensive therapy, support groups, IOP, rehabs, you name it. I constantly lie to myself, convinced that the drugs and alcohol will help, even though i KNOW they won't. They may numb the mind and offer some sense of relief, but it is only temporary. The guilt and remorse that surface when the drugs wear off make the situation even worse. It's a vicious cycle, self medicating with the hope of finding inner peace. I'm nearing the end of my rope, friends. I try to escape the madness, only to be tormented by thoughts I cannot control. I'm exhausted and tired of hurting in silence.

",5.711490924805535,7.3745391292134865,5.726404494382024,78.39461106309423,67.82022471910112,8.84770959377701,33.3552290406223,9.265573868473778,3.151938115816767,767,35,133,15,13,241,117,178,0.17300000000000001,0.693,0.134,-0.8367,0,0,3,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,3,2,5,13,2,1,10,0,15,10,1,3,0,26,25,12,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,9,0,0,1,6,9,1,2,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,1,19,5,19,17,2,12,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,3,4,84,25,0,0.0,0.2875899241075557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296998246981945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485962634277534,0.12435043498746085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057041611521261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114997104299886,0.2722371904717702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620532247532552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814844193076598,0.0,0.10138296851907597,0.0,0.10749133576962623,0.0,0.0,0.16031784634270335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181459505251678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136463104497818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092331524599687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376452613730077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900288203795254,0.0,0.0,0.08134686407982104,0.0,0.0,0.12054055158864647,0.0,0.0,0.12992128759736618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669776968914028,0.09892680401895353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101054911400711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226015898823725,0.1223050635326398,0.0,0.3676252114217313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460361450509352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612771991302827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266077713029575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641676722028326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772096134133935,0.0,0.0,0.0912496516574442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878883196747088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923824313311775,0.19269686553568072,0.0,0.13948857816748475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479462277362708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236789664256068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,serpentsSin,2018/12/23,"I wish I could be someONE I've noticed recently that everyone around me is starting their life, becoming someone, and becoming so much prettier. 
But when I look at myself I feel uglier, even more lost and empty. I feel like everyone else is growing while I'm shrinking. Everyone else is someone and I'm no one. I don't have a style, a hobby, or any defining characteristics. I envy everyone I see. I wish I could cut, color and style my hair differently but I don't know how to make it match me when there is no ME to match. I wish I could have a wardrobe that showed my personal style - but I don't have a style. I wish I had a friend I could laugh with and plan to see, but you can't have a friend unless you can be one too. 
I feel like I'm trying to put together a puzzle but I only have the outside, bordering pieces. 
I just want to be a whole someone. ",1.7553089887640458,3.5395571573033737,3.797064606741575,87.6543609550562,78.5505617977528,7.371348314606742,24.608146067415728,8.278499904357787,1.4833022471910104,666,24,145,13,16,227,89,178,0.076,0.723,0.201,0.9731,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,2,9,7,1,0,9,0,22,2,1,2,0,31,40,17,0,9,8,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,2,0,2,2,8,29,5,9,31,4,9,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,2,7,100,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135344602872275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934066054788551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317655923316965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351002811859981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096255956931226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530483103935476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930279655505643,0.0,0.0,0.4010461020646439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591615894800141,0.1499186636323432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621315162900548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766472128825322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411251128805822,0.10252332850144254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811162112250319,0.0,0.1145393933715334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003908463266313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771328645076604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945922764660573,0.0,0.0,0.14220148094846996,0.07980113899500897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161755167919372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054798590506046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360201050761143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722526801088464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35561467431032084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426733767319993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123803416766486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188821902106127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714640763400065,0.4826400230893534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sryforbeing,2018/12/23,"Have I burned the bridge?? I am kicking myself Disclaimer: I do not have BPD but my ex does. I want feedback from this community before heading over to the other sub. 

We were together in every way that a couple would be together. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Then one day she got distant and this lasted for a week before being addressed. She went out and met a new girl a week later. I don’t have the details on that or what their situation is like but I’m sure that they are intimate. I addressed this also because we have open communication and don’t hide things and she said I was making baseless assumptions but gave me no more information on the situation. 

She said she wanted to set boundaries and Justine be friends. I asked questions to understand better why the sudden shift and she said that my questions were pushing her away. She kept being distant, blaming it on being busy with work, but continued to go out with this new girl and her friends.

Last night, she had a party at her house with a few friends she made at the gay club. One of the girls invited had a crush on my ex and asked her out when we were together, but my ex turned her down and they are still friends and are still hanging out inviting each other to parties and game nights and events. I haven’t heard from my ex in a week.

Was it wrong of me to address the situation in the way that I did (asking questions for clarity, making myself present, and asking about her new potential relationship? If I had let her disappear without a care from my end, maybe we would still be friends and in contact and she’d be inviting me over to things. 

I never wanted to lose her as her personhood meant the world to me and still does. But she hasn’t ignored me and has not watched any of my Snapchat or instagram stories for the past few weeks. To go from “I don’t want to risk losing you” to shutting me out as quickly as she has isn’t painful. 

Insight?",4.648548069345941,5.93801532446809,5.124621749408983,83.12518518518522,69.95744680851064,8.017178881008668,30.415287628053584,8.401726058763845,2.1840797084318364,1526,62,298,23,27,487,178,376,0.083,0.784,0.133,0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,4,1,3,4,9,15,0,1,20,0,38,3,1,3,2,63,65,32,0,7,12,4,0,1,5,2,1,4,3,3,16,31,0,2,7,2,0,6,11,6,0,2,20,5,57,9,49,34,4,58,0,2,1,1,58,22,0,6,28,223,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065034618093968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530297663673097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041071219580325,0.0,0.0764063925382867,0.0,0.0,0.04957423717801682,0.0,0.13840113786041267,0.0,0.0,0.0719242974958937,0.0,0.0,0.10242448649439316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291503993155698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998324428263188,0.0,0.052447126972010365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423340209241505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147833560790304,0.07202875372914297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851881382945124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31415285303310136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924363858555391,0.0,0.06504207654649015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346168664006799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383675311711437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257951169504148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315910125774928,0.0,0.03973070367584504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196107366877767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695055134833277,0.1085685436843232,0.0,0.08170069355987539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195526865439688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062721932464561,0.23562911512440374,0.0,0.15263376538168855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021423093477677,0.0,0.08653426309548215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763277458930365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330382287401284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731133281386468,0.0,0.0,0.23207268675842935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27423409506309565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597811853573744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664672451190803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805584594003724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884569479606713,0.0,0.08466094984615752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186755068468028,0.12910210341964254,0.26093220645413423,0.0,0.0,0.0753879826985043,0.07338208559993463,0.0,0.0,0.07839324671692684,0.0,0.059204699163487015,0.0,0.0,0.11554019665216272,0.0889148151862026,0.0,0.0
bpd,creativenamereddit,2018/12/23,"Why do borderlines commit acts like shoplifting Is it due to boredom, anxiety, feeling of need, for fun or confidence boost etc.?",4.288030303030304,7.6929602272727315,4.433636363636363,76.33712121212123,83.0909090909091,8.387878787878789,34.60606060606061,8.841846274778883,4.29749696969697,103,6,15,3,3,32,22,22,0.11900000000000001,0.418,0.46299999999999997,0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39838168289310616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807875471283956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26331303218361096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544181223510064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38613859725108707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699069159423617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MlleSemicolon,2018/12/23,"SO HAPPY! Got invited to a friend's family Christmas dinner!!! I won't get into much detail, but am so happy right now, I actually had tears of joys in my eyes a few minutes ago!

​

I live with BPD and a few other conditions including major depressive disorder. 

For a number of reasons, my SO and I won't be able to spend Christmas and NYE together this year. Up until 10 minutes ago I was was preparing to spend Christmas by myself, thinking it won't be so bad.

​

But I've just heard a voicemail a friend left me last night. I met last year, she knows of my battles. She is having a Christmas dinner on the 25th for her family, and invited me to join them.

It may sound like a small thing for many... but holy fuck am I happy!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait! She's such a great person!   
And I haven't even met her husband before, and have only met her (adult) son, so it's such a huge gesture of trust in me!!! I'm ecstatic!!!

​

Am sharing this with you guys because there are good people out there who care about us!!! ",2.4091304347826075,4.208425492753626,4.058285024154588,86.4494565217392,76.68115942028986,6.918840579710146,24.54347826086957,7.793537801064563,1.3179449275362316,795,27,161,12,18,266,122,207,0.099,0.662,0.23800000000000002,0.9884,0,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,1,1,1,0,13,16,2,0,11,0,18,4,1,1,0,19,30,15,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,4,0,2,0,3,8,10,2,1,3,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,8,3,25,12,22,16,4,19,0,1,1,1,22,10,1,1,10,108,33,0,0.10838282783808388,0.0,0.10576600555909453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921496748656678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522982460420901,0.3950909967448361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049513409105683,0.06606916587705806,0.0,0.09222580371774253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650437754131206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105035163177488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334997080202828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421611055029197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158583560426042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434736852217109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674726078649494,0.10019817787868808,0.056625554209146875,0.0,0.0,0.09090637380214722,0.08668364838186453,0.11949245031648192,0.0,0.10731603948362192,0.0,0.34612660681240426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059564367723992075,0.17669294070274325,0.0,0.0,0.11775825956995242,0.0,0.0,0.05295037505359063,0.0,0.09570402264648327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988317607032566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796738491489952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170994187193022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243002448813368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513900615222589,0.09463570474766184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143559815203624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255834278001338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200473487632343,0.0694473397718657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303711970636004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950909967448361,0.13958997531426506
bpd,wsxftgbji,2018/12/23,"Float therapy Has anyone with bpd tried float therapy as away to help lessen the stress in their lives and maybe reduce the intensity of triggers?

Im thinking about starting a membership at a float spa to see if it helps a bit",9.159318181818184,7.309154477272727,8.544545454545457,72.9868181818182,61.04545454545455,12.436363636363636,37.90909090909091,11.20814326018867,4.0247636363636365,183,7,35,4,2,58,37,44,0.062,0.82,0.11800000000000001,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,9,4,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673687991243893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489025638217175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26132337590642923,0.0,0.3014704432746784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32088114313818666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585540789512248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136270242815725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404732027110781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907420317756389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942299511137932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27419053013368583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5474669436898807,0.0,0.0,0.15337471722425405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251237074959668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDboy69,2018/12/23,"Men with BPD and sexual behaviour... I keep reading that pwBPD supposedly engage with multiple sexual partners, but this doesn't really add up to me because they are afraid of rejection so they wouldn't make the first move.

Does the whole ""sex with multiple partners"" only apply to women with BPD who don't turn down advances? Are women more attracted to men with BPD so they make the first move? Is it all just a load of bullshit?",5.322962962962965,6.978764691358022,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,68.75308641975309,9.844444444444443,28.314814814814817,10.125756701596842,2.991088888888888,344,12,61,9,6,111,55,81,0.11900000000000001,0.815,0.066,-0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,3,3,4,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,2,1,14,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,7,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,0,5,2,12,9,3,7,0,1,0,1,10,2,0,0,2,41,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163544421260843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6919442657477911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602598704179385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115436274276707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277595634316674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444837942375831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892802383457699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927998451368895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318135593360532,0.0,0.11731891907210636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919480846111867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446011230639669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theCatCalledDog,2018/12/23,"Why does everyone assume I'm having a breakdown? I'm sorry if i'm posting this in the wrong place, this is also my first post on reddit. I got diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago, it's been an ups and downs.

This year, I had a cancer scare, I'm still sorting it all out but coped very well, but since then I wanted to cut and donate my hair. I told my best friend and he's now contacting my doctor thinking I'm having a downward spiral with the BPD. I now don't feel Like I can trust him. He's been messaging my friends saying I don't appear mentally well, all I do is sleep in bed or drag myself to work. I'm beginning to shut myself out and wish everyone would just stop assuming I'm losing the plot all the time, and ask me why. 

I don't feel like I can trust anyone, I feel like because they think I am, I feel like i'm losing it too. I don't really know how to explain, that just because I have BPD, not every action or thought I have is related to that. I'm more than just a person with BPD. How can explain it to my friends, that not every action I do is down to BPD? 

​

TIA and sorry.",3.400649717514124,3.4960779915254245,5.0459999999999985,86.9080395480226,72.0508474576271,7.988248587570621,25.055367231638414,7.793537801064563,1.1242574011299435,850,22,192,10,15,290,120,236,0.138,0.691,0.171,0.9533,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,5,12,17,1,1,9,0,22,5,2,2,3,44,48,15,0,4,10,0,5,4,3,1,3,1,1,1,10,11,0,1,12,0,1,3,6,5,2,1,6,6,28,12,19,41,5,27,0,2,0,0,15,11,0,7,15,120,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109359942715802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315841657062122,0.0,0.09912110741587377,0.11116109026188777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396659871775058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552366478939147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153360474570134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600510111408456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5760941994894088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285267774585253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936360800016952,0.0800568366519425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541556811425258,0.1748306458686533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502493582337687,0.2614200876724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781485541541691,0.0,0.0,0.21203715155983785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316680669564354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050276316935932534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877465604313128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046907388287197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219270997659088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987887502467894,0.0955796034425746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522964080237424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058605947426791226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275045080005424,0.09158980951186436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567516009268113,0.0,0.09154843538786406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481404221999552,0.0,0.0,0.07305793719017513,0.0764833558869084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723641492869705,0.0,0.07262678144551266,0.05334410441343615,0.0,0.0,0.08741532293432665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548253433918621,0.05395867082318015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450727069409216,0.0,0.1650972157439004,0.0,0.10520020831067982,0.0,0.0,0.0666002533924686,0.0,0.0,0.06498644941004436,0.10002160817325284,0.11116109026188777,0.11782329114109212
bpd,Dry_Trick,2018/12/23,"Do you get fear of abandonment with acquiantances? My therapist thinks I have BPD but Im not sure if I do.

I dont experience fear of abadonment with acquaintances. 

For example, if I befriend someone I see everyday at the gym or work, I have no fear of them abandoning me. I couldnt care less, even though we are somewhat friends. 

However, if I have built an intimate relationship with someone, I literally obsess over whether they are going to cut me off without warning, I even have dreams about it & Im constantly trying to contact them to reassure them.

So people with BPD experience fear of abandonment with everyone, or only people who are really close to them?",6.641370967741934,7.6590512016129075,7.298548387096777,70.34282258064519,65.20967741935483,11.683870967741935,37.274193548387096,11.45678717892309,4.767406451612904,535,27,92,17,8,177,78,124,0.26899999999999996,0.642,0.08800000000000001,-0.9787,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,5,1,5,13,1,5,2,0,11,0,0,0,1,23,16,9,0,4,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,1,2,0,1,5,9,0,0,0,1,20,4,19,15,2,7,0,3,1,0,12,4,0,6,2,69,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375483638994968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342025913626399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527244390715107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433760666342195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554957661138076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526303694226425,0.0,0.0,0.1267779968768418,0.0,0.2595659780388334,0.0,0.5971913965415225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025054663792494,0.0,0.06931794897315728,0.0,0.07540306216426364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866265835359182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090638954667527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396223638240009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499590655771025,0.0,0.0,0.1424448131517691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572592226414756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483258576494494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504594764426888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404753974357235,0.0,0.08501368722763142,0.13035390062873964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900785742758802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789532608280094,0.0,0.09659000771444436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wakelikewater,2018/12/23,"How do you cope with intrusive thoughts? I have a lot of negative, unwanted thoughts that I keep obsessing about and I know it's part of having bpd. I'm trying hard to deal with them but they're still very burdening. I'm curious to see what do other people who go through the same do to cope with them, because honestly I've reached a point where I've become a very lonely and angry person because of that. ",4.071016260162601,5.338560573170732,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,71.3170731707317,8.881300813008131,29.52032520325203,9.2995712137729,2.526042276422764,325,13,65,7,6,106,57,82,0.214,0.684,0.102,-0.8329,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,13,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,6,1,11,11,3,4,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,1,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28282108770769354,0.2561994973460521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921659144670785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391572853917997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318374254431516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207805118452966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619111318246974,0.0,0.0,0.12748805773988225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721787730609305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25120762838209376,0.0,0.16082309476096165,0.2025526779203047,0.0,0.0,0.21929249879988336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485500447638376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525650012761768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36832639583309945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749661856239713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828093338042095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,giantsquidhiding,2018/12/23,"Early dating is a nightmare, how do you get past, or ignore, the “they’ve not text for twenty minutes...I’ve obviously ruined it somehow”? I always do this.  And I’m doing it again now, VERY early days with someone new.  They don’t text for a while, or I perceive that they’re being short/not chatty, and I freak out that I’ve ruined it. And then I actually do ruin it by either pushing them away or asking why they’re being weird/are you sure you’re okay?/what did I do? Etc etc 


Anyone got any techniques on how to control this? Distract myself or something??

Thanks everyone ",1.4040328697850804,4.000885212389382,3.01272439949431,87.83896017699115,86.2566371681416,4.290518331226297,20.460809102402024,5.773587663045528,0.1933039190897592,451,14,83,3,14,148,76,113,0.168,0.785,0.046,-0.9282,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,2,1,6,8,0,1,3,0,10,0,0,3,2,19,15,11,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,10,2,8,11,3,14,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,5,10,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.22263161041986032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983065360325665,0.0,0.0,0.15514293963813666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952070654395986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327998841443271,0.0,0.21434492438625974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558782712298415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471313471508153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5088725379090667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179974292330573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919366962814695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182464300644698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203389148764984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177853272015369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933021774756087,0.17563322325269984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501913418732646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004054722091733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188239291300232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058607541422964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helpmepolorize,2018/12/23,"Lost FP for good this time I knew this day would come but at the same time I was not ready for it at all. She is my everything. I lost everything. If she doesn’t need me then I don’t need myself. What hurts the most is it looks like i don’t mean anything to her. 4 years of relationships and it’s nothing for her. Whereas i’m hear trying to kill myself for the second day in a row. This life really is a meaningless joke
My parents watched my 14 hour breakdown yesterday. I felt so sorry for them. Now i don’t feel a thing. I’m empty and take a lot of sleeping pills. Currently trying to find pills that I can overdose on. Please just wish me luck. I was never more ready to die than i am now",0.6566441441441455,2.6142668716216235,2.449891891891891,95.0716846846847,82.98648648648648,5.838558558558557,19.32612612612613,7.0316486544052195,0.13288234234234286,539,14,126,7,15,178,94,148,0.213,0.6709999999999999,0.115,-0.9521,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,4,8,1,0,7,0,12,4,1,0,2,22,27,6,2,5,4,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,6,5,22,4,16,20,5,17,0,3,2,0,8,4,0,4,13,83,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133706648985202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748112703958346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585738210057464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563943251778984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868760836242377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069847267322364,0.0,0.15324087144726592,0.0,0.14587135898595108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133864770527857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798806148760632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717368981946042,0.0,0.17085492568449312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765735721860488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127300843085828,0.07797241831843313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402366624845666,0.0,0.3484441492271335,0.13568607348049833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738510100290416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366825126727112,0.12309323277454495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314034736394067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772167308470498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751926933291509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022437419229578,0.0,0.0,0.1713504956178654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597150973958726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865895010995092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999921445501875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603103949693067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612789603211435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167156248824224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353193525613926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133751445665132,0.0,0.0,0.10277706189283696
bpd,getdatfruit,2018/12/23,"not being able to get over someone is taxing. hello bpd friends of reddit, i cant get over my ex/my fp and it's been two years since we dated. i have really obsessive thoughts about him nearly every day, even though we don't talk anymore. im so distressed and think about killing myself because of this often. it's like he just left this empty void in my heart and ive dealt with it ever since. 

i'm currently trying to convince my parents to pay for sessions with a specialist. therapy is free here, but there's a long waiting time to see a therapist who then has to refer me to a psychologist and I feel i need help more urgently. 

i don't really know why i'm writing this here, i guess it's just been eating me alive and i needed to get stuff out. i'm really lonely due to shutting all of my friends out.
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bpd,USER_1010,2018/12/23,"Apparently I don’t have BPD according to one therapist, ‘Borderline disorder has a particular flavour’ .. well either she’s calling me a liar or doesn’t believe in the DSM. I need identity for what I experience, if I can’t identify then I have no context and have no sense of self ownership, without that I’m basically being thrown back into the world with a stamp of approval with things will be okay. 

When I asked what do you mean by having a particular flavour she just said I don’t come off as the type of person who would have BPD. 

I know society is very reluctant to spend anytime with anyone with BPDisorder, let alone want to diagnose as it comes the stigma of assuming the person is dangerous. I acknowledged her concerns with some anecdotal experiences and pointed to all the scars I’ve accumulated as a result of being strongly against violence and harm onto others, this was not something I did when I was depressed, I did this to save myself from myself. I have moral compass. Is anyone else like this ?

I’m in a position of constant self monitoring, vigilance, suspicion and control. I don’t use this on others, these are my tools I use to stay present and in control, I may seem well but I’m not well as I suffer everyday to improve. 

So before we ended the session she suggested a self help book and while coming up with the author name I interjected ‘Jordan Peterson ?’.. well her face told me everything . 

I don’t want her to feel bad but I just don’t want to waste my time playing mind games, I won’t be deceived by someone who doesn’t respect the DSM (She referred to diagnosis as labels) or Jordan Peterson.

I would like to hear from someone qualified before I give her my trust as I understand there’s a lot that can go wrong -: if she’s incorrect I don’t want to be hating on doctors, I just don’t know anyone appropriate for me to see now.

All I want is to take my diagnosis and move on to working on improving overall self and health, I need nature and I need to be alone and I need to set my mind on working on finding purpose and channeling this into becoming a new person.


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bpd,gentlesorrows,2018/12/23,Almost certain my fp is annoyed with me I texted my fp and then they didn’t respond for 2 hours and then they saw it and left me on read for 2 more hours and then they TURNED OFF THEIR READ RECEIPTS WHICH THEY ALWAYS HAVE ON and will no respond to my text. Do I double text or die ,-0.08597189695550256,2.0099543606557404,1.1561124121779862,102.29491803278692,87.36065573770495,3.4857142857142858,16.911007025761126,3.1291,-1.196004215456675,220,5,53,0,7,69,40,61,0.139,0.8320000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.7841,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,7,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,12,1,7,4,2,9,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,5,38,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27754174381283386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23062434136286006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876545816331902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459054200020387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011417040018414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5544820727609964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014770518425021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cyberwarwithex,2018/12/23,"Hello everyone, need some help from you all and ideas!!!:)  **A genuinely good message to send to a BPD person?**  


Need something to say and be supportive. Something validating that does'nt also paint negatively.  


Good one I know is: You'll feel however for a while and then you won't, either way I like you.  


Please share!!",1.0447701149425301,3.1177449137931066,2.367413793103452,86.69813218390806,108.48275862068964,6.071264367816093,22.07471264367816,7.1686216300943375,1.6339954022988503,247,10,45,6,12,79,45,58,0.033,0.6779999999999999,0.289,0.9399,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,9,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,6,5,5,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,3,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838909179449215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966982286313394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251018279027824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911370301957105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951779505420281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790083056924314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659352881289108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294657556890853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508995364643745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34935147581519893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963158912250774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569483902017735,0.0,0.25859040144301737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733854553333626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627139983598029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673275046134999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698832041147084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayyeye123,2018/12/23,"FP bad at communication FP is sweet to me, but I'm dying bc 

1. I know I'm not his favourite person
2. Someones confirmed he doesnt like me back
3. He hasnt replied to me for 4-5 days even tho he's liked my new instagram pic?? apparently he's just like this but it feels so personal lmfao

IDKKKKKKK

please

help

what do",-0.12054347826087053,1.987379463768118,2.4809963768115963,92.63714673913044,87.69565217391305,5.7688405797101465,21.668478260869566,7.1686216300943375,0.5844913043478268,249,9,59,4,8,86,55,69,0.09699999999999999,0.677,0.226,0.9032,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,4,1,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,6,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194453029706745,0.2382865673551243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405127043698724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961870755207251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884956932626193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443004498189414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128916573253127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684145743512504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41827762028588733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756289396858281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983785583623312,0.0,0.31326967679744644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418078270305881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chippyqueen,2018/12/23,"On vacation for 7 weeks, that means 7 weeks of being in my head and ruining my joy and relationship. Visiting my dad for 7 weeks. He lives in a country where women aren’t allowed much freedom and alcohol is prohibited (my main coping mechanism) 
I have terrible anxiety when it comes to my relationship, even a day away from my bf I convince myself he hates me and he’s cheating on me. Now I have 7 whole weeks to torture myself in every way possible. I told my bf how I would be feeling when I was away for this long but low and behold he doesn’t understand, nor does he tend to my anxiety. He made all these promises to make me feel comfortable but hasn’t done anything. And here I am obsessing over everything in our relationship, stalking social media and how I’m a disgusting anxious failure. I can’t focus on anything productive and I need a goddamn drink.",4.264038461538462,5.919095678571433,5.885714285714287,75.88236263736265,71.38095238095238,9.693040293040294,32.565934065934066,10.035473477838034,3.5887741758241773,686,33,125,19,13,234,104,168,0.19899999999999998,0.713,0.08800000000000001,-0.9552,2,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,8,12,4,1,4,0,13,3,1,5,1,23,25,15,0,2,2,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,9,2,0,4,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,4,2,23,4,19,18,4,24,0,2,0,0,17,12,0,0,9,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475340403867381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121656615002876,0.1559578124802873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272076588475901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594060480362303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189183139430232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903117583941794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080895538465088,0.14127362964887447,0.0,0.13523697003935048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118107781593834,0.0,0.11631353163756307,0.0,0.12407092125943135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396049990965504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629632476554995,0.14167967871856654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190115352523685,0.12217038119943285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306267561937143,0.09214980554175052,0.0,0.0,0.15037750588117293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148302911920616,0.1023627240804234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563123818613736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446438388516649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072513753192886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319132042928613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437154778088786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957809068289877,0.4429432553547338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412849468271722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806714074299394,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AttemptingToSucceed,2018/12/23,"I feel so alone It doesnt matter what I do, how many people i surround myself with. How much weight I lose, how pretty I am, how intelligent. It doesnt fucking matter. I feel empty and devoid of any purpose to live. The guy I've been with a year explosively broke up with me on Sunday and blocked me after telling me I was an abusive psychotic bitch. Weve since been talking but he doesnt seem to actually want to work out. Holy fuck I'm so goddamn tired of life and the stupid fucking rules in it.

My whole life I've done my best to be a good daughter, sister, aunt. I tried to be a good person. None of it matters when a 12 year old child looks at you with fear in their eyes and your family members constantly look at you as if you're the scourge of the earth. When your favorite person in the world calls you names that (accurately describe) fucking kill me inside. I want to fucking die. I cant take this anymore.",2.483297872340426,4.199707914893619,3.6797340425531937,89.60875000000001,76.23404255319149,6.189361702127662,24.51595744680851,6.9077264865688965,0.8046000000000002,720,24,153,7,16,234,118,188,0.24,0.647,0.113,-0.9787,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,5,1,3,8,14,8,1,10,0,13,10,1,4,0,25,27,15,2,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,9,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,5,6,24,3,24,20,4,18,0,2,3,5,19,10,6,2,8,95,31,1,0.0,0.14635862830992868,0.12054398332705712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793613480829652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400221286537425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225050326734461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296333743525016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261343029653455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348819451380692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820093899661655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641043221797058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644973095963952,0.1390015836933284,0.12491735591027145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5709910013034193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721622888190827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231059314244065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666370025632082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450075071919716,0.0,0.0,0.10907610672489826,0.0,0.2074621918180736,0.13819448584061092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523641858389584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080614411643632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962021594476908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563767778641165,0.21571703979824786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567079469053616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245382865303646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218234493417797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928765073518198,0.09928587072990924,0.1079675503333611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197546752618634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386634203839455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457181856633351,0.0,0.0,0.15042192169799368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791285520427407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992871711824843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590939505369284
bpd,croftlion,2018/12/23,"What medications work for you? I've been taking Concerta for half a decade, and Venlafaxine for a year.

The Concerta for my impulsivity and lack of motivation.
Venlafaxine for anxiety, depression and mood swings.

I wish there was something better, but at least I'm not cutting or doing drugs thanks to them!
",5.601111111111108,8.463393185185186,6.322000000000003,68.97300000000003,70.85185185185185,10.986666666666668,31.170370370370367,10.793553405168565,4.375574814814815,248,11,40,9,5,81,43,54,0.09300000000000001,0.7120000000000001,0.195,0.7047,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,3,1,5,1,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,9,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,4,2,8,5,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,29,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25873974358110313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29913084404231977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29131105799316753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39223141399572464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340724187528723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603806642903464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543016766913657,0.0,0.0,0.3113903861719945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889398699317517,0.0,0.0,0.2462304429606224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178045855004978
bpd,Thisisannsfwacc69,2018/12/23,"She found my account My audible account that is. The account where I downloaded Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

Admittedly, I did download the book which was suggested after reading walking on eggshells. I listened to a few chapters and then returned it.

She absolutely freaked out on me and says the relationship is over. We’ve been together for 3 years and she lives in my house. I think I’m spending the night in my car. ",6.545911764705881,9.706970341176476,6.73963235294118,65.6670955882353,69.11764705882354,10.367647058823527,43.566176470588225,10.411451182825502,5.9020882352941175,409,28,58,13,8,131,66,85,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,5,0,1,3,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,4,3,12,0,10,6,1,15,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,6,43,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520391999290793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367920015925442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544286778096005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27123347698784683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882547714849805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682057716708401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30724943097195395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297816603734133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427097640273085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260261015473453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968197669544006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780503112701225
bpd,Captainblizzard88,2018/12/23,"I am a porcupine A porcupine is me. I hurt the people that only want good for me. I don’t let anyone get close, because they get hurt every time they do. I hate this.",-0.3141666666666687,1.6545281388888888,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,87.05555555555556,5.822222222222222,17.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.15146666666666642,127,3,29,2,4,45,26,36,0.271,0.62,0.109,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,1,8,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426996547873152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808486028506534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461392062151013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052605183078889,0.0,0.0,0.2450318338769707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884261935435374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6254804098539559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987313123092279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22218442142253744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025319865166375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034825339247986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231080043764516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liseymomisey,2018/12/23,"Not invited to the Christmas event. So every year my in laws host Boxing day as the Christmas event. My MIL doesn't do Facebook, so someone else usually creates an event to invite people and sort out who is bringing what. This year my husband and I were not invited via Facebook. I know that it could have been a simple oversight, but my husband's stepfather had previously accused my husband of being responsible for missing tools (which are usually left in paddock by SFIL) and told him he wasn't welcome anywhere on the property but the house (they live on a farm). Things have been strained every time we have seen him since and I am just feeling like this is the reason we weren't invited. I find this time of year really difficult as it is and this just makes me feel so much worse.",5.739801324503317,6.7326627483443735,5.9281390728476815,79.45551986754967,67.21192052980132,8.953907284768214,33.64304635761589,9.120678840339163,2.9739584105960266,629,28,115,11,10,200,98,151,0.128,0.805,0.067,-0.9157,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,8,0,18,0,0,2,0,23,26,12,0,1,6,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,8,3,15,2,13,16,1,18,0,1,1,0,12,6,0,1,12,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234944624910635,0.0,0.0,0.12305923944508056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594006059267658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215380366604716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929625757446917,0.1363175542912548,0.0,0.0,0.17440053215931134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220173728043301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486638000161147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731996104807132,0.0,0.0,0.09322207829566356,0.0,0.16849225115649918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273698216165672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027023974744932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228639660232502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224032959781007,0.19618856420449066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784330632401936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167607653889804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676833781640873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22253034689846166,0.0,0.0,0.18233094688451745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42030930924390697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944557599428391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686338650538153
bpd,throwaway152648,2018/12/23,"Anyone with a BPD parent? Just wanted to see if you guys have a parent who has BPD or characteristics. I recovered from BPD (still have some tendencies) — I’m genetically emotionally sensitive and experienced abuse/chronic invalidation during my upbringing. My behaviors were more “quiet” type BPD, mostly self-destructive. My parent has in my opinion, undiagnosed BPD. Acting out anger issues mostly. Anyone else?",6.1434848484848485,10.009265166666667,7.473030303030303,54.546212121212136,79.15151515151516,10.206060606060607,28.54545454545455,9.725611199111238,4.63870909090909,335,14,40,12,9,113,51,66,0.064,0.9359999999999999,0.0,-0.6199,3,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,8,3,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,5,7,4,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,6,1,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979070282479867,0.13172961670051253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8096130097249362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739921886340566,0.1446178607303956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729915814135745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418803103817345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42826729165777794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024493338381576,0.0,0.1341209074719079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267184857139054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583072685791749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itshinoon,2018/12/23,"What now? Hi everyone, first time poster here. Without going into a whole lot of details about my personal life, my life sort of seemed to fall apart at around the age of 21-22. During this time, I had severe depression and some psychotic features which led me to self-medicate with drugs. Since that point, I have been to therapy and have had some experiences, but with little to no avail; this resulted in a few 5150’s, medications that didn’t seem to help, and (what i feel) a sort of misunderstanding? Maybe I couldn’t express myself with transparency for whatever reason. I was on Prozac for a little bit of time, but found it to be non-effective in my case. I stopped taking any medication approximately 3.5-4 years ago. 

This leads us to the current time. I have been in my first long-term relationship, and an event regarding my gf and a coworker hanging out as friends (not a big deal, which I can see now) really brought up a lot of insecurity issues, and led to a lot of anger. For the pst couple years, I have looked at symptoms for BPD and have found apt of them to seem very similar to my life, but it took this event and my reaction to a fairly normal event to start to really consider the possibility that I should at least talk to someone.  My reaction to this event has caused a sort of schism that I’m not sure we will be able to overcome. 

Due to last 5150’s or having my feelings discounted by medical professionals, I’m reluctant to go to any type of therapy. I guess my question is: do I just bite the bullet and go speak to someone, or is there anything I can start doing before I meet? I am just afraid that if I go back, the medical professional may just discount my emotions or how I’m feeling. 

(I’m sorry for such a long post, but I really don’t know where to turn with this. I’m hoping you fine people may be able to point me in the right direction) 

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bpd,Brisingr627,2018/12/23,Don't Trust the B**** I just started watching Dont Trust the B on Hulu and im wondering of the dark haired girl had BPD. She seems very impulsive but maybe im just projecting. But It is a funny show ,-2.411627906976744,-1.623495767441856,0.6311860465116297,98.19608139534887,122.95348837209299,4.510697674418604,15.927906976744184,6.2581,-0.03557488372093065,154,5,36,3,10,53,33,43,0.091,0.8140000000000001,0.095,0.2842,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,7,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,2,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,18,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662909621368268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408512994815558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6282939137562871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921784299395145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647612571735784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058513969507356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23996570484593896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153933818021373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HAMI1170,2018/12/23,"I don't get myself I am in a situation in which I don't get myself. I don't know what is going on with me. I feel nothing; no logical anger, no real laughter, no reasonable crying, an in the end staring with a streight face. My FP has asked me to leave him alone and I feel like I am dead. I don't get myself, my state of mind or how I really feel. I am lost.",0.17201058201058214,1.3869554074074095,3.3450793650793638,91.69,81.34567901234568,6.603880070546737,20.213403880070548,7.447530270364453,0.3909774250440914,272,7,68,4,7,99,50,81,0.161,0.662,0.17600000000000002,0.0511,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,4,0,9,1,1,2,0,13,19,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,1,4,18,1,8,18,0,7,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,1,2,47,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417839538120969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824437976917432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564340312936426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676754404104736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541182355203492,0.166776836077402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659042092105601,0.0,0.13267510191313595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829809893883415,0.0,0.0,0.2471900046765957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405195282107565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25483841931216555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357181055539583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240017181617445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571738306173365,0.1495541459599781,0.2400256385372391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624077533524105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miranduhmercury,2018/12/23,"My job gives me so much anxiety I had a bit of a meltdown at work last night after a customer yelled at me, I immediately started crying and couldn’t stop but I was stuck on the table for another 20 minutes (I work at a casino). My coworkers were really understanding and helpful but I feel like such an idiot and I just don’t want to go back. I called in today, even though I’m already high on points and I need the money. my boyfriend seems like he’s not very happy that I called in either. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this, I guess I’m just looking for confirmation that it’s okay to take a day off for mental health. My job doesn’t know that I have any mental illness so they probably just think I’m skipping work for no reason. I want to find a new job away from customer service but I also don’t deal well with change. My anxiety about work is just so bad that I’m just not sure what to do at this point. thanks for listening, I appreciate you all",1.2475247524752469,3.2755413267326747,3.1866237623762395,90.20528217821784,81.27722772277228,6.218217821782179,21.486138613861385,7.365786028017652,0.6569873267326729,756,23,166,11,20,254,119,202,0.171,0.7070000000000001,0.122,-0.8874,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,4,16,10,1,0,9,1,10,2,0,1,3,33,33,12,0,4,12,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,7,1,2,1,8,2,1,0,4,4,23,8,24,28,4,24,0,0,1,0,9,13,0,2,11,103,31,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275644971691558,0.09244312057505727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861012930070657,0.12121385016940354,0.17686323911825702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860747037702853,0.08888718977489532,0.09651891859418732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262023142494517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360755396111107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228661776790115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697820811946356,0.07455069660720559,0.11917574241101782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270185537781986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058449469157118676,0.0825827355835318,0.0,0.0,0.10565383972608146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089146533449548,0.06569661061758955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734346061137716,0.0,0.0,0.123055477408666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287452635916694,0.0,0.0,0.07748243478522356,0.12213489620255448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441374555747793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352925400034723,0.09422722962483032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295000533811612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707261968183922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23298978310391025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497731770152044,0.08571393463982621,0.0,0.11164459451921564,0.0,0.10848023706864164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855362931410355,0.0,0.11071026118629064,0.0,0.12463344293895252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405459164306137,0.11885327906922105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523544212986506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818203652695257,0.0,0.0,0.09664452050316502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789817802880865,0.0,0.08691478477627188,0.0,0.0,0.10642646461346753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407008345088463,0.11357376220920885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957272577506058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120340868048445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953798804064116,0.13636456738130606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393585709695748,0.0,0.10430858496566033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366248501973045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cassiebxoxo,2018/12/23,"BPD mother Hi! I'm not diagnosed, but I have symptoms. Mostly, I want to talk about my mom. She is definitely bipolar, or borderline. Bipolar runs in our family, as I've been diagnosed as has her cousins. I think she may be bipolar, because she doesn't have a history of trauma like I do. However, I'm only saying this because although she might not be borderline, she has some sort of personality disorder.

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I'm very much like her. I just have been diagnosed bipolar, and receive treatment. I could be borderline, because I can see it becoming a personality trait. However, I got treatment. 

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My mom is finally now seeing a therapist, after wrecking a whole neighbourhood. 

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She flirted with one man, and then fucked his neighbour. 

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She now lives with his neighbour, and I basically got kicked out. 

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I am not spending Xmas with her for the first time my entire life. 

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So yeah. 

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She is a narcissist or borderline. 

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How do I deal with it? she cannot regulate her emotions like I cam. 

​

Also - first time sharing - I am not asking for a diagnosis. I just have never lived with someone like this until she had an affair. She was extremely normal and neurotypical before that, or at least acted like it for my sake. ",4.003219496021224,7.063923599137932,4.928793103448278,75.61859416445625,78.09482758620689,7.879575596816977,32.19893899204244,8.730908602173464,3.4375850132626,1033,54,162,25,26,335,127,232,0.064,0.816,0.12,0.9079999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,0,74.0,1,0,0,2,8,9,1,0,8,1,26,10,0,1,1,31,37,16,0,3,10,4,0,5,2,2,9,1,0,3,6,10,0,0,1,0,1,3,7,2,0,3,6,3,36,7,19,25,5,17,0,0,2,1,35,3,1,8,16,125,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040084911673419266,0.0,0.4887933500735633,0.5481658056842534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686007037564242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166712945188744,0.05535907919521138,0.04265264830662492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313063126457999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002070112711946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167663184066909,0.0,0.1526273350581632,0.0,0.0,0.05744754573821275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638383233950759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472533504215136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054909442592800624,0.0,0.08527252918865058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046339716974482095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017901757044846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03540474097535408,0.12244261550578378,0.0,0.08852251441392234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053174660411289786,0.0,0.11741149254436975,0.0,0.0,0.03684761238175482,0.0,0.03865945855475532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049111817370207006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033965969522500555,0.038122290103962085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753436173254134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039861379335712516,0.0,0.0,0.0798862053863977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042470715174040115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209902499699664,0.0,0.04028854341562685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581989408826251,0.0,0.03211804982676684,0.0,0.0,0.058456533477487374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135834075839162,0.029564999563302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055962726756815885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481658056842534,0.0
bpd,necrofeelyuh,2019/01/07,"I changed his name in my phone to 'fucking piece of shit'

the contact photo just shows up as 'fp' which made me laugh and then feel like shit hahahaha",11.939,6.144372233333336,10.27,74.86500000000002,60.0,13.333333333333336,43.33333333333334,8.841846274778883,3.6813333333333333,117,4,26,1,1,36,29,30,0.19899999999999998,0.644,0.157,-0.3874,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,5,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,2,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,0,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37196097109361065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778659435042984,0.2511930993260357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250614609530961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178083112223466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327056518751589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7218534003353265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ollie_soma,2019/01/07,"Identity? So I really really struggle with identity, it feels like a have a new style/ aesthetic everyweek, it’s hella stressful and I get super caught up in obsessing over the way I look, I feel like I’ve always got to fulfil a curtain image of myself ",1.4867346938775512,4.211827469387757,4.478775510204084,75.41979591836737,90.63265306122447,8.514285714285714,23.3265306122449,8.841846274778883,2.9749918367346937,202,8,33,7,7,72,39,49,0.175,0.653,0.171,-0.0588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,3,5,3,6,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240818789371114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926766653404618,0.41352025970175055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120885207792614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314738486679757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28278983016666964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24303805521288774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27952150890657296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370816899585154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315271051684925,0.302562317612616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22972637357538586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PickingUpDiamonds,2019/01/07,Feeling Nihilistic - cheer me up? Who's having a win today? What happened? ,1.7505128205128209,3.604543538461538,3.3461538461538503,78.79051282051283,113.6153846153846,4.810256410256411,27.41025641025641,6.42735559955562,2.3187641025641024,58,3,8,1,3,19,13,13,0.0,0.467,0.5329999999999999,0.8458,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633843415634314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6355230969478578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6812211194262219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ser_Black_Phillip,2019/01/07,"Getting kicked out soon. No money, no car, and nowhere to go. BPD has eroded all of my friendships to where no one wants to deal with me. So now I'm facing certain homelessness. And having to leave my daughter with autism with her mom who has zero patience with her and hardly any relationship. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to die. Like, seriously. No hyperbole.
I've been looking back on certain choices I've made over the years that has led me to this, and nearly all of those poor choices were influenced by my BPD. It has robbed me of relationships, and has robbed me of nearly all of my friends. And now it's going to rob me of a place to live, and of my time with my daughter. I seriously don't know what to do.",2.2058307692307686,3.9391998600000018,3.699333333333332,89.09146153846157,77.06666666666666,6.482051282051282,24.205128205128197,7.321109707123232,0.9186974358974362,569,19,123,7,13,188,82,150,0.149,0.765,0.085,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,12,1,1,3,5,25,24,8,1,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,0,2,0,2,5,6,2,0,2,3,2,16,4,28,21,3,18,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,7,88,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683676434999314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434187126201583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698188505292844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228903057262733,0.0,0.0,0.1935733802039437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410121774014106,0.0,0.09744651881612232,0.0,0.318002740624734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708102665527635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500780473593427,0.0,0.0,0.19749271669089127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112192880130736,0.0,0.16469638088050131,0.0,0.15662583304402836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648523717054426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844440393340664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638755892757256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486873615128625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004951493999943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875854087858876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002305113211432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010970440803492
bpd,danecory,2019/01/07,"My DBT therapist I am consistently thinking my dbt therapist does not really care about me. I realize this is a BPD thing but it's hard for me to tell when it's my BPD or when my feelings are valid. Here's an example : she says that I am to only call her during waking hours (8am-10pm) for coaching calls or texts. Now I know this would sound reasonable to any normie out there, but from what I've heard about DBT the therapist is supposed to offer themselves 24/7 if need be. Again, that sounds unreasonable but considering the nightmare that is BPD and the fact that they signed up for this shit I feel like it's not. Am I justified in thinking she's not following the true DBT protocol and is being selfish by limiting when I can contact her? And just added this little rule herself because she doesn't want to be woken up? It's lead to me not wanting to contact her AT ALL  between sessions. And yes we openly talk about these feelings I have that she does not care about me. The last issue was that we had to skip a week of group and individual because of the holidays and in those two weeks of no therapy she didn't text me to check and see how I was doing. The specific issue about the calling hours though I have not brought up yet. And please no non bpd people commenting. You have zero idea what it's like even if you are close with someone with bpd. ",5.809229704797048,5.884962051660517,6.0813076568265725,81.63015336715868,66.85977859778598,9.579428044280442,31.328643911439123,9.354420925462401,2.5255108856088566,1080,39,220,19,16,346,150,271,0.109,0.833,0.057999999999999996,-0.92,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,2,1,2,17,7,1,0,11,1,23,2,2,3,3,49,39,20,0,6,14,0,4,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,20,15,0,1,9,2,1,3,10,2,0,2,7,9,33,5,32,28,1,24,0,0,1,0,26,10,1,4,13,157,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625685242697993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878683993665486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6135586635006629,0.0,0.29846577652478995,0.0,0.19867608938335288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052615958914813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435267558454011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779308545204434,0.06960517904306754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727960684884455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190106744121194,0.0,0.0,0.10998845575500912,0.0,0.20338662544352967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354587817805937,0.0794197860173144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095200350156998,0.09765209382137337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224432231427105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410114835615415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754682746723681,0.0,0.0,0.10695067633896807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241719984030706,0.10017594732134937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748154624975119,0.0,0.0,0.07764039805589251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001217252384076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255350760201127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831185704094007,0.08515954288971771,0.0,0.11142156512341904,0.3393769110476053,0.0647292485298738,0.12486051434125395,0.09572608605548777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517654938384107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493540460530635,0.0,0.15630756017023484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921263758777581,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buenothot,2019/01/07,I feel like a bad person I was going to get a COR for next semester at college and my friend lives in the next town over so I just...showed up to his house before waiting for his reply. I feel like a psycho now and it’s eating me up inside. ,0.3105660377358497,1.9319513773584944,2.7930566037735858,93.9175094339623,82.39622641509433,4.994716981132076,16.260377358490565,5.6839178017228535,-0.6564535849056607,185,3,43,1,5,64,40,53,0.068,0.774,0.159,0.5719,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,3,9,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150288271843876,0.0,0.0,0.2191411351422432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635199753915097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26043227556762466,0.3679624479189855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896892145867173,0.0,0.13455006871427042,0.0,0.1463616183940587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971578545385458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516346798335149,0.0,0.22740585947742234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477773353215447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248673898994612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LethargicSuccubus,2019/01/07,"If you are looking for a more uplifting, heavily moderated BPD forum check out /r/bpdlovingsupport I keep seeing people who are upset about the lack of moderation here, and honestly I see a lot of stigmatized comments even here on this subreddit. Life can get busy for people, so I'm not here to comment on that but bpdlovingsupport has been around for about 2 years now, we have just over 1300 subscribers.

I wanted a place to exist that is more uplifting, with resources that have been read through that aren't stigmatized so we can just say ""Here, look at this subreddit. All of the articles here are good"" instead of having to manually sift through article after article to try to find ones that aren't stigmatized when trying to educate loved ones.

No stigmatization of any disorder or illness is welcome there. Venting is discouraged because venting tends to be triggering for people to read / changes the environment of the subreddit.


Feel free to join if this sounds interesting to you, I'm also open minded about adding more moderators if anyone wants to help.


/r/bpdlovingsupport
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bpd,MeSurprise,2019/01/07,"Ughh Finally told my FP that I was “done with it” after yet another night he promised to call, and didn’t. Amongst other things this has been an ongoing issue. Nooooow I’m depressed as shit even though I know it’s for the best. He was just upsetting me more than anything at this point. 

I got asked on a date Wednesday to a nice place.  I don’t even want to go. This guy is cute and sweet and honestly seems like he would treat me right. But he just doesn’t excite me like FP does. 

I hate this shit. 
Y’all wish me luck ",1.0543686868686883,3.1262318611111115,1.896498316498317,98.9528787878788,82.24074074074073,5.779124579124581,20.003367003367003,6.980632752743323,0.07678518518518508,403,11,96,5,11,125,79,108,0.131,0.593,0.276,0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,6,16,3,1,4,0,10,2,2,0,0,13,20,6,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,7,1,11,11,10,12,2,12,0,1,0,0,9,5,2,2,8,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957607478691878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362996695855696,0.0,0.1745299532210407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591964221464092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063136812874865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079582760344868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337368131143482,0.19104869232978494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24661397495415985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450977495962694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610023201966108,0.0,0.1493130513217622,0.0,0.0,0.18485245614579696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431772922188427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485586146006145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259994429100934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824146125704008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519592280836932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505132010885684,0.0,0.17648239810987218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594322440708526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995556881409127,0.0,0.0,0.3832692143080198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402854372991153,0.0,0.1834219818718709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839030004269246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011460182196636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468429212570614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326192230357213,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexandraelise,2019/01/07,"Conflict in DBT group I started a DBT skills group about 2 months ago that I really enjoy. Last week I was sharing something and another person interrupted and told me they “couldn’t disagree more.” I felt very invalidated as I’ve never said anything like that to him and have always been respectful. It made some previous behavior from him (never remembering my name even though there’s only 6 of us, continually disparaging millennials which I get, we are annoying, but still, I’m the only millennial and it’s rude). 

My individual therapist as part of the program has been really supportive and is going to talk to his team about how to handle it because I told him I no longer feel comfortable speaking up in the group. Has anyone experienced this before? I really want to move on from it and my first instinct is to just say forget it ever happened let’s just not talk about it as a group, but I feel like not dealing with things head on is what’s gotten me into trouble in the past ",7.787074468085108,7.364564835106382,8.500510638297875,67.60300000000002,62.88297872340426,11.775319148936171,34.75744680851064,11.20814326018867,3.9614451063829796,791,30,140,20,10,267,122,188,0.11599999999999999,0.8009999999999999,0.083,-0.493,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,1,3,11,10,2,0,6,0,12,1,1,2,3,30,27,13,0,2,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,12,9,0,1,4,1,0,2,6,3,0,1,9,7,21,7,24,16,3,21,0,0,0,0,23,7,0,1,14,100,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892221501513118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101625757367546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250466439174118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169379151907088,0.0,0.11968327055628665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865779465957717,0.0,0.12375722108459852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499404282153271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960605787781042,0.13155720487852873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707587730649962,0.10390110005677736,0.13964350786776075,0.0,0.0,0.1237096835274772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598547205667923,0.0,0.08265589732450697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861054583420167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926158217031266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855156824418348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872044317918154,0.0,0.14210754491389596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761716909296187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608740704877285,0.15457782104831078,0.0,0.0,0.22434185680463847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212246541284256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749542945706727,0.13883724652537485,0.0,0.1269910519923182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795143615042904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475316228459927,0.0,0.13834506106361905,0.11565831738566612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119654543678974,0.0,0.0,0.10294192725006228,0.0,0.11614715777234792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504157906470152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337954791843365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688649938433435,0.09662269705449827,0.0,0.14289232183629466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779449213887569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749442824856597,0.0,0.0,0.12000177067864345,0.0857832358032811,0.0,0.11666177482877853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,confessionscatfish,2019/01/07,"Wondering if anyone has time to chat? I need someone to talk to regarding BPD, and I kind of want to talk to someone who has experienced it before going to a professional.  
If you have the time and are willing to help DM me...

Thanks in advance.",3.213750000000001,5.007999541666671,5.069166666666664,80.0925,74.41666666666666,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.3849416666666667,190,8,37,4,4,65,35,48,0.0,0.8640000000000001,0.136,0.6815,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,10,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,9,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430554034703306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242923698991664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319774846750542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980206354490466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667621678191014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744843771325879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544576444498107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466713198776153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42372106967495576,0.0,0.24267468085511354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073983668141683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546991995549425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28584789797440024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sbbal05,2019/01/07,"I've always done this 'thing' but didn't really know it was weird until recently. Ever since I was a child (around 9/10) i've always created alternative scenarios. They usually included people I knew or even famous people. I would literally act out conversations (even their side of the conversation), hold their hand (my hand), walk around with them and generally have this alternative story going on alongside my 'real' life. It would go on for minutes, to hours. Even though I did all this, I knew it wasn't real life, although emotions I felt towards a person when i was acting, would sometimes transfer across to the real person.

​

I've done this right through my life and i'm 27 now. I still do it occasionally today.

​

So my question is, anyone else do this? I know daydreaming is normal but I seem to take it 10 steps further. I've wondered if it's a type of dissociation, as i've been diagnosed with dissociative seizures as part of my BPD.

​

bit of background - I had a very anxiety provoking childhood. ",5.429017543859646,7.487129831578951,6.242631578947371,72.86675438596495,69.10526315789474,9.066666666666666,31.08771929824561,9.558583805096642,3.1920245614035085,828,35,138,19,15,272,116,190,0.040999999999999995,0.92,0.039,0.1638,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,6,0,18,6,2,1,2,31,29,13,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,12,7,0,1,8,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,13,3,20,0,21,13,3,26,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,5,10,95,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276396064495258,0.3179165351832613,0.3565330289842343,0.0,0.0,0.07482091155788714,0.0,0.0,0.0683878538822317,0.10021325504974288,0.0,0.17413519622337287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677823430051812,0.0,0.12318255691825655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927048624667924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017789214340373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170391428809004,0.11001798171987656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379875783530875,0.08847064083258642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390858251038636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117019720270876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631867973259306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750264935994508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724867309316453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582858776130747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591378545276657,0.0,0.13561198649950384,0.17079991567376845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956450249162544,0.0,0.0,0.3339720880090307,0.0626566841069347,0.0,0.09657109546156684,0.0,0.0,0.08352533107817654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903842028007951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090568976112601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673210387440064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810756916347505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353753620298753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497760373730375,0.0,0.09609337089964592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270814291590276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077188997409706,0.08069975006528426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060658526184726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084345844081536,0.0,0.3565330289842343,0.0
bpd,theanthropic,2019/01/07,"y'all ever just wild out and feel like your SO hates you even when they actively are telling you they love you man i'm just having a day i guess and it got worse when i was ranting about how much i want to be away from my family to my SO and i was like ""maaan you don't even know the half of it"" and he got upset with me because he thought i was talking down to him when in reality i'm terrified to go into detail of how fucked up my family dynamic is and how i was abused by my brother for years and now i feel like he hates me and i'm too much and i've got too much baggage even though rationally i know that's not the case and now i just feel crazy because that happened right before he went out to the movies with a friend and i know it isn't that deep and everything but i just!!! feel like a piece of shit i guess lmao ",1.7065339578454302,2.6597532404371624,3.3067642466822815,94.6363524590164,76.70491803278688,6.97720530835285,21.26814988290398,7.447530270364453,0.3248051522248243,645,15,162,8,14,214,96,183,0.121,0.7509999999999999,0.128,-0.35100000000000003,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,6,2,0,22,12,4,1,6,0,10,3,1,3,1,37,34,21,0,1,6,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,16,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,9,4,27,7,21,24,4,19,0,0,0,2,19,9,2,2,12,109,33,0,0.0,0.15368721498813356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218684604499821,0.0,0.0,0.15814215963251516,0.0,0.1103751468643309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365334897732311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25702016571440395,0.1173317054331916,0.0,0.0,0.11657655844929302,0.0,0.2445613906602914,0.0,0.2623446359838385,0.2779983037182031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021497749924277,0.11991642417935285,0.0,0.0,0.0737181776258459,0.0,0.3112270113741606,0.0,0.2857842363735582,0.0,0.11470367353391048,0.0,0.0,0.25612700073744543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138585592228948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534824392942477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706992007702595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860591866886085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077312710800116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314724897887767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425739251832314,0.11337378814925488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744113733520993,0.10297664180350734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650735179171704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024409323202713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218735643501633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353011524439694
bpd,ThomasDodgson,2019/01/07,"I'm convinced I'm dying. I'm not anxious about it. The depersonalization and lack of self-care has gotten so bad I can't even tell if I have a body most of the time. I'm just 19 but my entire body is fucked beyond repair. Cortisol so high from trauma i'm never not shaking. Barely any lung capacity after becoming addicted to Tobacco bong rips. Constant dizziness, pressure, pain, headaches. No healthy food. No exercise. Agoraphobic so leaving my house rarely occurs.   


I'm not hypochondriac, I just genuinely don't see how i'll make it past 25-30 with my current condition. And i'm glad about it. Does anybody else feel this way for the same reasons? ",2.292586666666665,5.061863752000004,3.8968000000000025,81.96706666666667,83.47999999999998,6.8533333333333335,26.73333333333333,8.021203637495839,2.148573333333333,519,23,94,11,15,172,92,125,0.214,0.7070000000000001,0.079,-0.9598,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,1,2,4,0,5,8,3,3,1,18,17,8,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,1,2,6,2,10,16,3,10,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,6,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726622709469125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929271336229034,0.0,0.0,0.2147891161162503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587478991174275,0.0,0.20998006378361225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223759283700916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054594787661539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973215549098757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663812048484362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882650756259314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255769287805822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613380017480076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299020272563251,0.0,0.0,0.17576912165941486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087935571056265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938074876716496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201316781779421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269110855546188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663747466864707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230827262542345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181497501272428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548197006625428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150640822000475,0.0,0.1983436709347157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166179164351919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086444000348762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509137687248663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Brightoda,2019/01/07,Can someone help me understand I’m a non BPD. My friendship with a friend whom I suspect has BPD is on shaky ground. Can someone talk to me on private message for advise? thank you. I’m so sad about it. ,0.4885714285714258,2.79634023809524,2.0145714285714327,95.58042857142858,87.09523809523809,4.312380952380953,25.06666666666667,5.6839178017228535,0.5047180952380956,158,7,34,1,5,51,33,42,0.16399999999999998,0.607,0.22899999999999998,0.4954,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,6,8,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7029579822461222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560884827779955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705478924490213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729103391691172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430595591853505,0.0,0.2569302315232448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29052179081294616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PageMaster2019,2019/01/07,"Anyone else feel possessed by emotions Even if I've been meditating and am very calm, the smallest trigger can flip me into such powerful negative emotions even though Im aware of what's happening. Nothing can stop it. ",9.64725,9.032165225000004,9.025000000000002,65.98000000000003,59.25,12.0,45.0,11.20814326018867,5.3575,179,10,28,4,2,57,36,40,0.084,0.75,0.166,0.3779,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354243788827646,0.26895689945504114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192806874635244,0.5905425431594203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467506236225965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132725236576166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321232473284713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835393826384357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518707995322376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219457371171188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578997666778049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165856657742732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sexual_toast,2019/01/07,"New and Trying to understand myself.. As of less than 24 hrs. ago, I found out from my mother that I had BPD. Apparently I was diagnosed a little over 4 years ago, age 16, while seeing a therapist. 

I have been struggling with my emotions for many years, the depressive episodes; feeling perfectly happy one day, then waking up the next and struggling not to run my car straight into a tree. Etc, etc, etc. I have an overwhelming fear of hospitals and clinics due to situations I've been in in the past which have made it hard to even try and go see any medical professional, let alone have the motivation to do so as I am horrible at self care. But the best I could do was research and listen to what other people had to say and try to piece my own mind together, which I've been doing for years now as I have seemed to be able to afford myself more information than anyone else, professional or not. 

Anyways, as I just found out that I was in fact diagnosed; (I had found out in about a 5 min conversation with my mum because I was honestly concerned that I might just be autistic, to which she said no thankfully. But then she went on to say that I had BPD and that's pretty much where the conversation ended.) I am still a bit shaken. As I said previously, I would do countless hours of my own research and such, reading medical journals and such to try and help myself out. I had come across BPD a couple of times and though it was a very high possibility but as I am not a medical professional, I couldn't technically make the judgement for myself. But now as I know, I want to try and experience and understand what exactly BPD is, as I've never solely looked into one specific disorder outside of my generalized anxiety/depression. 

So yeah, I am quite a bit new to this prospect that has made my entire way of being make sense finally. Still processing the information and all. And I was just wanting to really hear everyone's journey and such. What they have experienced or feel because quite frankly, I've never really been able to relate to so many people before...I want to help myself understand me, and these are my first steps into doing so.  ",7.778976477337927,6.8306499108433725,8.32437177280551,70.57907630522091,63.144578313253014,12.049340218014915,35.18359150889272,11.303756567709739,3.912877223178429,1703,64,320,43,21,570,205,415,0.048,0.865,0.087,0.9295,2,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,1,6,19,11,0,4,18,1,41,7,1,5,6,71,70,39,0,6,12,2,3,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,17,27,0,0,13,1,0,7,7,5,0,3,23,13,42,6,58,39,13,55,0,2,3,0,18,20,0,4,27,240,59,7,0.14398130219633287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763073706238673,0.0,0.0,0.0745606032933047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895611141136914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033753711384952,0.0737629295116211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776966543275347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755497468573088,0.0,0.15719029116806815,0.0,0.36267881962370896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339926671996527,0.0,0.0,0.06201357143318506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747867696929125,0.07965628615605327,0.0,0.04642801432034703,0.0,0.12401088460383268,0.14613799094667648,0.0,0.0,0.08250752313601413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013895135393449,0.08097979280870482,0.0637623489156629,0.0,0.24086581753094385,0.047549146090338085,0.0,0.0,0.06879015221587427,0.0,0.07042067069690096,0.0,0.08100949707781273,0.07280127254454387,0.0,0.0,0.07886223940281566,0.0,0.061235211047659215,0.0,0.23680209933171695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04091394604429358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663538675471587,0.06448948297901047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113869590878643,0.0,0.09650763186660864,0.0760620754462303,0.0,0.0,0.07089628991934335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03956417912537656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361531826371419,0.0,0.0,0.07215354502300396,0.0,0.0,0.06045401561367068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623858946041514,0.09610863724918672,0.14597444166810286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175690215423446,0.0,0.07637070422689705,0.07269003538140789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292141190763252,0.0,0.111047256419539,0.13905803886550092,0.07656287415903006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756545663362404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872322238516518,0.0998185060063018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115864231908998,0.0,0.07324037327308539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314183789460228,0.0720101327907593,0.0,0.09223810903892184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695918977515428,0.1144997104928387,0.0,0.0,0.11473445652844075,0.0655375849800066,0.07510194967299641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092050812437969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498365392222157,0.0,0.0,0.15052051874789307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627931928218084,0.0,0.08358669460391988,0.0,0.0,0.07073044918744838,0.0,0.04197832758882124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244384632526034,0.0,0.0,0.2248344200395912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059399826626889675,0.1273858536934572,0.057142827952738964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673605481147042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051140093027451324,0.0,0.0,0.1390788570030253
bpd,terrancelovesme,2019/01/07,>:( DAE forget good memories so quickly This is really making me feel horrible today. I can’t ever seem to remember clearly the times in my recent life when I’ve had lots of fun. Or felt wanted and validated/appreciated. It’s like the memory fades so quickly. I had amazing sex with a guy last month and I can barely remember it...I can barely remember his face. I can remember negative things with 1000% accuracy and in full detail tho. It’s like I set myself up for splitting/fearing abandonment bc I can never hold onto the good times. It’s like I have to have constant validation and positive reinforcement bc I forget it so quick. And whenever I perceive myself as failing it’s 100x worse bc I feel like I don’t even *deserve* anything good or positive. Ugh I just want to scream and cry. ,1.9213978127136,4.640934058441559,4.5048188653451815,77.20166438824336,85.03896103896103,7.917429938482572,25.637730690362268,8.6894789155246,2.6589012987012985,631,27,111,18,19,221,96,154,0.168,0.618,0.213,0.7823,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,0,4,0,11,3,1,1,3,31,18,14,0,2,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,8,0,2,9,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,4,17,9,12,15,2,20,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,4,18,74,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568822584244047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192079906620626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442435187709855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928540628993792,0.1271658065362586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581954999322011,0.14216646345578698,0.10043286645474342,0.13498218757347896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35374426014844296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919974805367005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145942999156132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929826972141452,0.2747279494201621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951904768406517,0.0,0.0,0.0938405647848528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221239277385628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842664674559302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006137736046724,0.0,0.1388092267320491,0.0,0.6370147125173392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279819205679383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339741758719301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395071587353666,0.0,0.13325670138061374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583955821023508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143266576863371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,seaofsmilesaroundyou,2019/01/07,"Who else carries their emotions in their stomachs? (Recovered anorexic here)

Anyone else carry themselves in their stomachs? Aside from the complications from my eating disorder years, my stomach is always in knots. I’ve had tests and bloodwork, ultrasounds and encoscopies, they’ve found ulcers and I’ve been prescribed antacids but they’ve never really found anything. They diagnosed “sensitive stomach” and said it’s like IBS of the stomach. At the time they handed me a rx for Ativan and said it was anxiety (my DBT therapist was like nooooooope! And that ended which was fine. Lol)

Now I take a medicine that relaxes the muscles that does help, but **fuck**. Days like today i can’t even drink without my esophagus and stomach being in pain. It feels like someone stuck their long sharp talons into my chest, grabbed my stomach and squeezed it endlessly in their massive hands.

I decided to work from home because I feel debilitated but at this point am convinced that it’s emotional and therefore......now what.",4.7355084745762746,7.996329711864405,4.194833333333332,80.75055508474577,76.74011299435028,7.1558192090395485,32.01384180790961,8.238735603445708,2.9934770621468934,817,41,128,16,20,245,114,177,0.057,0.794,0.149,0.9535,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,7,1,3,9,1,0,6,1,9,18,10,0,1,20,18,12,0,0,4,0,7,4,0,0,5,2,1,0,13,10,2,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,10,9,18,7,15,7,0,17,0,0,0,1,11,9,1,0,12,77,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125271732014431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517224260966327,0.0,0.0,0.10526980138146036,0.15425881726077945,0.123891871194331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177540039877216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709390101832824,0.0,0.0,0.1528076080326312,0.0,0.0,0.1725461965562628,0.0,0.13174949837123942,0.0,0.0,0.14748412406349234,0.0,0.15405278252625118,0.2515345734933136,0.3387025744069921,0.1333448196081975,0.0,0.0,0.09943849961246433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224772486878665,0.10755472878834528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301460684893693,0.0,0.1391833508410786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091216039647892,0.0,0.15101642255985412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942093672471121,0.0,0.0,0.1332342158542777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611536139324433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019846387716558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232076571749272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644778007680156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864197879285885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756263603843493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319673583413566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174803044479236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877883675080572,0.0,0.14270615668108824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512722768018807,0.0,0.10960400563918946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695086736799467
bpd,sideeyebtch,2019/01/07,Anyone else? Does anyone get long periods of time where in your relationships everything is so good and no problems are happening and your clingy symptoms and hate you/love you mindset isnt happening it's all love and it's almost like you don't have BPD at all? It's so misleading when such a little thing happens and I'm back to being crazy mood changing girlfriend. Is this just me or does anyone get this too? ,3.0539814814814825,5.522307037037038,3.8007253086419763,85.84701388888892,77.39506172839506,7.012962962962964,24.939814814814817,8.07648339933343,1.6293814814814818,334,12,63,6,8,106,59,81,0.16899999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.6306,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,8,6,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,2,11,15,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,4,14,2,9,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,6,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801481608091195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773797907849825,0.18433320674009301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833529532888958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658315728708095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903148859417697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148709156782045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028695072788156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168637689817758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798513405852105,0.0,0.0,0.15089518420298506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772663124724929,0.0,0.0,0.17761824214877378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789214950668264,0.18031136262911815,0.0,0.15920963671335653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623706470048768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214411035347316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314988176183367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869894429840942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952041730646268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049036391215243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Smegheadedness,2019/01/07,"Disturbing thinking? I thought i was having a heart attack and i felt pleased about it. It wasnt a panic attack. I dont know what it was. 
My left arm went from aching, to feeling like someone was squeezing it really tight to the point i got pins and needles in my hand. This happened over a couple of hours with pain increasing. 

I wondered about a heart attack and thought most people would seek outside help at this point. Only i decided to try and sleep in the hopes of it getting worse and killing me. 

Its quite disturbing when i think about it, but i believe id do it again. 

",2.4734466403162045,4.683995791304351,3.1603162055335967,91.02537549407114,78.04347826086956,5.920948616600791,26.10671936758893,6.980632752743323,1.1283913043478262,456,18,92,5,11,143,73,115,0.17,0.72,0.11,-0.7873,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,4,3,6,0,8,6,5,0,0,20,21,7,1,2,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,9,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,9,5,12,2,14,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,4,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484228640262304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598507333099756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698807023393438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628288466249108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173904181869857,0.10135945470443963,0.13622752601037638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412670326797045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347479369569892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546445406132833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362581418189557,0.09509950576847546,0.0,0.0,0.14091934594911207,0.13972370892836886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569697474997569,0.0,0.07797381011605921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415357406046334,0.0,0.0,0.06931564369380132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079065106018232,0.15097085108207625,0.16646619221670478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983620715185256,0.0,0.0,0.15574217871462392,0.2682458571325324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509073719307754,0.0,0.0,0.09089227880697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198296041557926,0.0,0.12021488385657793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182258593020376,0.0,0.2252745312664537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632754351597594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152464124870147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386334571494192,0.0,0.0,0.14458834663238995,0.10078783362100503,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,violetriot9,2019/01/07,"No one cares Before I start, I don't mean this to come across as a pity party and I'm also not venting because one or two people don't care. 

Basically, I was diagnosed with bpd around 6 months ago after years of seeking help and being treated for depression. It was established that it more than likely stemmed from childhood neglect and manipulation from a parent with suspected bi-polar. A few weeks ago, my partner of 4 years packed up and left, having suffered enough with my constant mood swings and general crapness. When he left he made sure to ring my mum and sister and tell them that i had a personality disorder and was likely to cause harm to myself.
He was right and last thursday, i tried to take my own life resulting in a short stay in hospital and currently being put on watch. (Where they ring me once a day to make sure im alive).

 Here is my issue- it took my sisyer three days to text and ask if i was okay and my mum just gets annoyed when I'm around her and thinks I'm being dramatic. My ex was my main support and immediately changed his number, which left me no choice but to tell my friends- Their reactions have ranged from standing me up, not answering the phone or sitting with me for an hour and then leaving and avoiding me for days. I am asking for serious help and no one is taking me seriously. I was in hospital alone and don't even have a contact for my primary care because no one wants to take this on. Literally, i have no one. Sorry for the rant but needed to vent somewhere. I'm really at a loss as to what i should do. ",5.882297249017508,5.798183919614153,6.590777063236871,78.58358610217934,66.71704180064309,9.740693104680243,31.425687745623442,9.444778638647367,2.6310791711325483,1233,44,246,22,18,407,178,311,0.158,0.7759999999999999,0.066,-0.9742,2,4,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,1,9,23,2,1,11,1,23,3,1,5,2,50,46,29,0,4,8,5,0,2,2,1,2,3,0,2,9,25,0,2,4,0,0,3,10,11,0,7,10,4,33,11,41,32,5,43,0,5,1,0,24,17,1,3,22,167,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778345889458501,0.0,0.0,0.10388919270863517,0.0,0.08021654625438078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859138507803898,0.18754952154547766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229407064004474,0.0,0.08535501247041569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633484748979773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068131249533915,0.1030443002335278,0.10611292727300436,0.08640675623062448,0.0,0.10839768439896108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407175024449924,0.0,0.08639542948637044,0.10181085742955197,0.0,0.0,0.1149620522418607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364533320151248,0.0,0.06625271501462975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749797755362782,0.0,0.05240696953379979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446913680947156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987835130140278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835022424538858,0.10469584994640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176468813041986,0.0,0.10621205264702084,0.32695592693937336,0.0,0.07085074965893276,0.09801117996964516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491418020806616,0.0669565983584367,0.0,0.0,0.10926519273952533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080065162981745,0.0,0.0,0.07437736588628059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682511238077813,0.3398576486178571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113805450393231,0.0,0.0,0.06954117555609922,0.0875853766870374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083759081657352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426009354651464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566277748479167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228697846014256,0.07099876198861399,0.10691534798490013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138287197768844,0.18907885376285494,0.0,0.2262581729118909,0.0,0.1753478274088742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642735363999264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144626072596656,0.06810278099186459,0.0,0.09798667646879193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059164460041781664,0.0,0.0804613028481329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919056927016992
bpd,IamtheStorm11,2019/01/07,"Coping & dealing without insurance/meds/therapy Due to financial reasons I'm unable to get any treatment, this Subreddit is how I am copying.....not even clinical research studies which are (FREE) can help me......anyone else dealing with BPD without help?",11.665116279069776,10.718150511627913,10.63220930232558,57.12877906976747,55.511627906976734,13.251162790697675,54.05813953488372,12.161744961471696,7.215381395348837,204,14,26,5,2,65,38,43,0.0,0.866,0.134,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,5,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532890517397519,0.0,0.15897121112337936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345700279819106,0.2395243801522129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944243810538293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820119818181524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528434054108199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440248671605322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213486519736325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133814079220585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24035388171596914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673356868627782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506907270595844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Shaynanigans50,2019/01/07,"DAE have a long employment history? I've been working since I was 18. I have had more jobs that a lot of people. My current job is a great company to work for, the pay is super nice, and the job isn't hard. I'm here four days a week and we'll it's creeping up to be three months in and I'm kind of dreading it already. I just came back from a week off so I'm not sure if that's playing into it way more this week or what, but I've sat out in the parking lot all this week just thinking about turning around and going home. I don't want to be this way. Does anyone have any suggestions that have worked for them?",1.31347474747475,2.5202996740740744,2.9193265993265984,95.99151515151516,78.18518518518519,6.094276094276093,21.902356902356907,6.574015621080383,0.16529629629629605,476,13,117,4,11,157,88,135,0.053,0.868,0.08,0.5132,5,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,4,7,7,0,1,8,0,14,0,0,0,2,20,23,8,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,1,0,2,5,1,7,6,16,15,5,20,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,4,9,74,17,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408819033934355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111742801126043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397072272761787,0.0,0.0,0.13236972046847342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143369702243377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006701148290418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958957168042805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301236478543534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450656873106313,0.0,0.0,0.16393632315034795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320115639534055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491528091745085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426693442641152,0.0,0.0,0.15484254577577924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315900432282598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25282966574234583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186866123304353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308611432054823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300171097233735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401429022354682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952774966503656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173702776006155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770392854030043,0.23605370709770296,0.4770953609831752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32475432262443804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonhere123,2019/01/07,"Losing interest in people who get attached Is this also a bpd trait? I tend to lose interest in people who get too attached to me and initiate conversations often. It could happen to people that i really like, i would talk with them often, comfort them and be a great friend until we become very close, but as soon as they start to be equally interested and compassionate, i start to get bored or ignore them, almost as if it is too much work to maintain that relationship. It's weird cause i have no problem in putting my all in order to please someone, and even crave that attention, but it's difficult for me to reciprocate..
How do i stop doing this?? ",10.625919999999999,7.428846152000005,10.4912,64.37360000000001,59.48,13.52,39.4,11.602472056035307,4.442599999999999,519,18,93,11,5,173,81,125,0.17,0.6709999999999999,0.16,-0.3492,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,4,3,8,15,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,1,23,16,14,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,14,8,18,12,3,12,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,5,6,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642220408240772,0.0,0.0,0.14089378425370305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458069969469013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218967978190655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809888618195601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066809168062508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636745997380232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361188413038022,0.0,0.2761456309326831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424279694441696,0.0,0.0,0.15579837988631468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607429944255363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942082694945324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295150552276668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664301136007157,0.0,0.0,0.19339644288287905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858369928374844,0.0,0.17711295771971247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286758379691475,0.0,0.0,0.18915501388207426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927960499410656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249407004439748,0.0,0.0,0.14729719352149942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160952605170296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536973880294207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282635979916582,0.0,0.0,0.1251556172454107,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WonderfulStore,2019/01/07,"Therapist cancelled appointment 2nd time in month? I get it if it was once, but really? Especially in treatment for DBT, he shouldnt be cancelling like that without offering to reschedule, right?",6.620909090909091,9.661457151515156,6.2212121212121225,70.0518181818182,68.3939393939394,10.460606060606061,38.27272727272727,10.504223727775694,5.1542,158,9,23,5,3,49,31,33,0.136,0.809,0.055,-0.4247,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125861938301127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878867150586726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247802421717841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43333060943081614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606677856732399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34748667935593497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724372349167539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23726413762941584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922329062438416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eatingsleep,2019/01/07,"Crushes. Are the absolute fucking worst. Constant obsession, impulsivity to check every social media platform they're on, intrusive thoughts that are nearly impossible to suppress, and the debilitating sense of heartache. I feel like I have a black pit in my stomach weighing me down constantly. I completely change my sense of self to better align with whoever I'm crushin on. And they last way too fucking long. Being stuck on a person you've never even talked to for months is pretty ridiculous, but I can't help it. I just want to turn my brain off. It's gotten to the point where I often can't concentrate on anything else.",5.7238454106280185,7.806143278260873,5.9133333333333375,75.42555555555559,68.3913043478261,8.589371980676331,32.77777777777778,9.150863307647796,3.1495314009661843,507,23,84,10,9,161,87,115,0.115,0.82,0.065,-0.6702,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,3,1,5,0,7,5,2,0,1,11,16,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,11,2,18,12,1,18,0,0,1,2,6,11,2,1,7,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157649996838905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694326215162465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386118664708656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266107029677893,0.0,0.20086286378377524,0.4140492832031159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003642665908288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653355703201108,0.0,0.16141029741681334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686613460961656,0.13686130082655315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35421621464908937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840876172221316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561592883623035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359392462426096,0.0,0.0,0.1695379487433391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291342949780715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775453934245605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727600150050026,0.0,0.0,0.18110040674323044,0.0,0.0,0.1949007650103488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985462649757854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528670467877904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539808211416933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208924259765394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837871353777765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299596669075095,0.15206340963497378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,complainsandeats,2019/01/07,"​I've​ found this extremely helpful to hear BPD symptoms to stop making fun of and recognize as what they really are:

* Needing attention
* Outbursts of emotions (especially anger)
* Not getting out of bed
* Social withdrawal 
* Self-destructive behaviors
* Being clingy
* Forgetting things
* Getting upset about everything 
* Bad self-care
* Promiscuity
* Weird/unusual triggers
* Needing validation 

​

​",8.198092105263157,10.657324192982461,6.501129385964912,54.79800986842105,114.08771929824562,10.54780701754386,43.91337719298247,8.278499904357787,7.703632456140351,337,23,29,13,16,100,50,57,0.16899999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.114,-0.5584,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,11,9,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,8,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634653269597307,0.4076145139069219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400454467352399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211246899914568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886708488167212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507426513387449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839045335998686,0.0,0.0,0.175261379863168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904106935856452,0.0,0.11242419985302454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195940085483418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487356145905373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074505239025012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499527005722783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097705188483014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402276905451559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433308203528144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143069032485983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076145139069219,0.0
bpd,Namernadi,2019/01/07,"I’m lost, help me please As I said before I have a friend who has BPD. Our relationship is good but these last days I don’t feel okay with myself. I mean I’m struggling with depression and I don’t want to be toxic for them, I hardly ever talk to them about my problems.

The problem is that I’m having some bad days and I don’t know what to do. I stopped to talk to them since last week. I know it’s not their problem but I just need some space from everyone to fix myself because I just don’t wanna be a bad influence for them. I don’t know how long will this take but the last thing I don’t want is making them to feel rejected because I know this feeling. I also have final exams so I don’t have much time to spend with them. 

I just don’t wanna make feel sad, bad or think that it’s their fault. I don’t know if you can understand me… Thank you.",1.9764055299539152,2.899408053763445,3.4849769585253485,93.7403225806452,75.98924731182795,6.604608294930878,20.812596006144396,6.868970318607317,0.13389831029185914,662,14,160,6,14,219,95,186,0.252,0.657,0.091,-0.9904,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,8,1,8,16,0,1,4,1,22,0,0,4,1,42,46,11,0,9,9,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,12,0,1,0,10,12,0,0,2,6,33,4,18,41,3,12,0,4,0,0,18,1,0,4,11,105,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954223784521904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117931034186092,0.15175703810666796,0.0,0.10591865829860196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567713149490295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055155055428794,0.0,0.10720973156086827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259434001610898,0.0,0.11894074905852604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25175225260989503,0.0,0.0,0.1363557649584493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616871424136356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440333134296376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150473090755156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343265463388556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34203973602867405,0.3043900696275835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015604336595274,0.0,0.0,0.13587865508911914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617543263372098,0.0,0.0,0.13558925573023586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150310285366788,0.09229628787400823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663565655389007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573159478926135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336390635058854,0.0,0.0,0.1184037838089456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296661871637232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406628190955827,0.0,0.13012780661082002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358935661892888,0.20009582676841006,0.0,0.11459942489693485,0.0,0.0,0.08269534774224474,0.0797582537047388,0.0,0.0,0.07258210029787375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129582377090487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683660736992546,0.0,0.09984596095730862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway_Slowworm,2019/01/07,"Break up Going through a pretty rough break up with my ex partner, we were together for 7 years and it was pretty good for the most part. They've been gone for about 8 days, but the relationship was on the rocks for a lot longer than they initially told me, apparently. I'm getting new urges I've never had before and I'm quite scared of myself at the moment. I'm currently in a space where I just desperately want to get fucked. I want to get so drunk I don't remember anything, and just get absolutely destroyed. 

I'm barely eating anymore, I'm smoking more than double a day than I used to, I keep drafting up multiple versions of the same suicide note and wandering around the house with an ache in my chest that feels so bad its physically making me double over. I've no income, never held a job, am physically disabled and have been dependent on someone my entire life. My ex keeps making out me asking for information is as if I'm trying to keep her trapped, but I've no clue how to look after myself at all. I'm scared and lonely and I want someone to beat the ever living shit out of me so I feel a different type of pain I guess. 

I keep thinking how pathetic I must look to her and it fills me with this white hot rage, that I can't physically be any better. I feel like I'm ping ponging between the most desperately sad I've ever been, and the most all consuming rage I've ever experienced. Whenever I asked to be shown how to do things before she told me not to worry, that she'd deal with it, I didn't need to know how to do things because it was already dealt with. Now she's fucked off and left me with a home I've no clue how to even begin looking after properly. And it's my fault? 

​

We spent the last couple years of the relationship in a really unbalanced state that ended up with me having to beg to get her to even lay next to me in bed. I think she was right to leave, because she clearly had no feelings left for me at all toward the end, but I'm absolutely destroyed by the fact she is so unwilling to try to help me with the transition. She said we ought be alone for a while- which would be fine but... Her alone is drastically different to mine. She has a new partner, and a solid small group of friends- where as I literally only had her. The people I do talk to live literally thousands of miles away, so it's not even like I can meet up with someone to make me less lonely. 

I don't know anymore. I think I'm fucked and I don't even know where to begin to get unfucked. ",3.97817275747508,4.708945565891476,5.321342192691031,83.16983720930234,71.05426356589146,8.377763012181617,26.758361018826136,8.591530228387361,1.7121374972314505,1976,62,416,32,35,663,235,516,0.21600000000000005,0.715,0.068,-0.9985,6,7,0,0,0,1,47.0,3,0,1,3,25,22,8,2,27,0,35,9,2,10,11,87,91,31,1,8,9,2,6,2,3,3,2,1,2,2,15,28,2,5,12,2,1,3,13,16,0,1,18,12,58,6,80,65,14,59,0,3,4,3,35,30,4,7,25,278,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676411635308132,0.08351519030379333,0.0,0.0,0.08199966900855611,0.09195995530862357,0.05146525917511879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010921835832067,0.0,0.0,0.06227851111132974,0.06737159068256142,0.14150189375317093,0.0,0.07110421597102715,0.0,0.06318996298492788,0.09226812442789548,0.0,0.12879687248853525,0.0,0.0,0.06693315327182582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373891009237039,0.0,0.09761517902861402,0.07802315713167385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581397958636009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743993077030388,0.0,0.0,0.13406072165269514,0.0,0.0,0.1999447306206216,0.2053717317647091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306511288448862,0.0540660844601685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058470480199118886,0.20989589821284865,0.23723927548700965,0.0,0.04301090867599827,0.06347711900036165,0.0,0.0,0.08337047989771146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050726968944254464,0.0,0.07591359997811943,0.0,0.0,0.08732500695299635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510110762474284,0.2690728253857694,0.0,0.0,0.1247758864442079,0.06168961731947864,0.0,0.08013460373089039,0.16445392645990214,0.0,0.05345529632897408,0.07394722983244026,0.0,0.13365433864001805,0.0,0.19065739651526134,0.0,0.0,0.06434075970138138,0.0,0.0,0.1515517403976716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611604891633472,0.1167387618737674,0.14618518105861542,0.08048695143853724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755834552397905,0.08052926892146682,0.0,0.0,0.08195448543338953,0.0,0.0524672521365173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398832480418062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049540854637208,0.0,0.0,0.048482794595574884,0.0,0.0,0.16250482868967742,0.08573112683399314,0.06463063802226371,0.07198937982394246,0.0,0.15153854230096786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768483094301394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923712420191543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278206127965704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082902932249265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055737421188203,0.14547881077794597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463170829632813,0.0,0.10276403160932147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536355648723936,0.0,0.0,0.13391476133570204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685710784255095,0.0,0.05376117640924906,0.0,0.09195995530862357,0.09747137745881418
bpd,Necturion,2019/01/07,"Rapid shifts in interest common? Hi,

I'd be interested if it is common for people with BPD to have shifts in interests, goals etc. Like if you try something new, you imagine you have a future there, compare yourself with others, possibly better, get disappointed at yourself and move on, just to find something new and it happens again. I cycle between 3 or 4 interests which I all give up just to pick up again and it is annoying as hell. Same with careers. Don't know what, my intention shifts between sound engineer, social worker & psychologist, but who the fuck can I help when I can't even help myself, sound engineer is hard af to make a living out of & psychologists are just paid wrong friends, don't know if I really wanna sell my soul to that.",8.513422619047617,7.3011369097222225,8.493968253968259,70.80500000000002,61.84722222222222,11.839682539682546,36.5436507936508,10.914260884657429,3.9078067460317456,601,23,109,13,7,196,99,144,0.111,0.748,0.141,0.3818,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,3,8,12,3,0,3,0,11,1,0,3,1,25,19,10,0,4,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,0,2,1,3,5,0,0,1,3,11,7,21,17,3,16,2,1,0,1,10,7,2,4,9,73,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932399483957917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604932681852289,0.0,0.0,0.2285519796785989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238424543500286,0.11985758067977627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585801904979786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020135016508126,0.1677637913658255,0.0948092855921897,0.17408017368410394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047112217802434,0.0,0.16255924753030293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24326769718829136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994595983927678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865586042879746,0.0,0.16023913835612638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113097384790325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287124742813846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35052490912933515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580672441787674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204577354578362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625273537907994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849832764584567,0.0,0.27940511395933776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320452928528428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840623789386325,0.0,0.0
bpd,G-O-B-L-E_G-O-B-L-E,2019/01/07,"Feeling confused Hey dudes, anyone awake? I slept 2h today, and I'm feeling down in the dumps + irritated constantly by my dad. I've tried recover from my BPD and I had therapy sessions. I'm very good at looking for help and being able to get better, but living with my dad just brings me back down again. I want to get better and get rid of this disorder. However, I constantly get pushed back by my dad because of his own issues that he puts on me. I have been placed in the past and  now I'm back home since 2 years, and my mental is going down. Does anyone know how to deal with someone you live with? How can I not let him affect me this much? Thank you",2.4835828877005355,3.9420168235294133,3.895053475935829,89.1579679144385,75.61764705882355,7.0042780748663125,22.657754010695186,7.686295010490155,0.8544058823529417,512,14,111,7,11,169,90,136,0.07,0.805,0.126,0.7003,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,2,9,6,1,1,2,0,7,1,1,3,0,20,23,9,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,3,3,18,4,19,18,2,22,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,10,67,21,1,0.14705875304904925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565379883642945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33923731109887856,0.0,0.08964565090870327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601230329381557,0.0,0.0,0.1852153514295765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178365369337582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516111170653926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685420715670795,0.0,0.12869210580467175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871464832545855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073285153677239,0.0,0.08357687832806862,0.123345904902262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857038230330456,0.0,0.1475119197460132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349113111968266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808196447571133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503775385280053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597111463671258,0.0,0.12349231486782032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820063448558668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810510428804504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038421983007046,0.0,0.0,0.15364509707618984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783466471443482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164852018539618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460240423476815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539194184098122,0.16817450040899967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393945027618393,0.0,0.0,0.09984324013022862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133887250399646,0.08673906270923913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470101545297667
bpd,ihcava,2019/01/07,"Is there any way to have a normal friendship with an FP? I'm really sad because all I want to do is have a regular friendship with my FP but I can't seem to do so. I'm too attached to them in an unhealthy way right now. I want to get healthy and give them the friendship they really deserve but it's like I can't right now. Has anyone ever recovered from this and been able to be in a ""normal"" relationship with someone who used to be an FP?",2.4604511278195496,3.372223736842109,4.359699248120304,87.97789473684212,74.78947368421052,7.533834586466164,26.203007518797,7.957251820313856,1.366037593984963,345,12,78,5,7,118,57,95,0.069,0.753,0.17800000000000002,0.8277,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,7,0,12,0,0,1,2,15,20,5,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,13,17,1,9,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,54,11,0,0.22179069074418808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082527523290504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508120785875545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520154649089206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062237753479714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587648184066045,0.2127618403485452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835572841709046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43461557261364797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841695915318823,0.0,0.0,0.23812019901034634,0.0,0.37881607610358187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190991497772134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879225325295551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155594580500152,0.0,0.0,0.26163579159914496,0.3520942536116906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Joestrr,2019/01/07,dumb things you use to cope when i feel like death i listen to my favorite band play live shows. singing along with them makes me feel better for a few minutes and i wanna know if you guys do something similar or anything else,3.139666666666667,5.2192829111111125,2.9575,93.89625000000002,75.44444444444444,5.388888888888888,24.583333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.4766666666666671,181,6,37,1,4,54,40,45,0.136,0.66,0.204,0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,11,7,4,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,3,6,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,2,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870832813766605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085396380111445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914290099988555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527897029572205,0.2492267181896256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454277230638617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172515140923774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043610235849904,0.0,0.3080510871431502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286775355484465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26857061886228945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317680724878161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30130431739546965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrman1125,2019/01/07,Now I don't know about you guys but anyone here feel like their is no point in suicide and that others need to feel the pain they give instead In my opinion I think suicide would just be a huge waste of my time don't get me wrong I've been super depressed before but I mean why would I kill myself because of others that would just waste my time when instead I can make them feel that pain or just cut their time short. You get what I'm saying ;),4.090886524822693,4.391363265957445,4.07744680851064,93.73333333333336,70.59574468085106,6.2666666666666675,23.113475177304963,3.1291,-0.0726609929078017,353,7,80,0,6,108,63,94,0.342,0.528,0.13,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,0,4,3.0,0,2,4,1,9,8,2,0,2,0,9,2,0,1,0,19,21,5,3,4,6,0,3,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,4,16,2,6,16,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,2,6,52,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183025095752625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062129871585282,0.0,0.14826247578462248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006969012587004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642977133764689,0.12447463021679538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206281802474208,0.16714358084866426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252158358996353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276693360506172,0.0,0.09575585434129184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512318009389555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630425390868752,0.0,0.0,0.18979468837007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291941983191767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707999597423489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470986338236876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855990244771693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811730244294185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164374953830676,0.0,0.0,0.3047962104317721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722139077004496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37131795026646863,0.1905003215614349,0.0,0.0
bpd,loijay,2019/01/07,"'unreliable' and 'always late' Anyone else? Have you guys come up with strategies for dealing with constant procrastination, unreliability, sleeping through alarms, always late for everything? I've literally lost my best friend of 5 years over this.",10.064649122807015,13.274141078947375,8.913157894736845,53.72043859649128,59.26315789473685,10.329824561403509,38.982456140350884,10.504223727775694,4.964708771929825,203,10,26,5,3,63,34,38,0.1,0.725,0.17600000000000002,0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,8,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801594650293463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973001543680815,0.2340629785463574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23973286981584754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678016228547154,0.0,0.24686164436568536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355108070579159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908316572261237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530644280776272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649157618063382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619074485543525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5153787848560332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24936839589843005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860419798530426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710736923674908
bpd,sbllke,2019/01/07,"It got better. Well folks, it's been over a year since I've had any episodes or major mental illness symptoms.


I grew up with undiagnosed bipolar, with mental illness symptoms as early as 11/12 years old. I was invalidated and punished for moods, and inevitably for acting out. Through my early adult years, I didn't think I would survive. By the time I was diagnosed with bipolar, I had already developed BPD.


I've been toxic, manipulative, I've done and said unforgivable things, I've been scared. I spent my early and mid twenties in a near constant state of irritability and frustration. I've hurt people past forgiveness, damaged a lot of relationships and support branches, some beyond repair.


I hated myself.


I've been depressed since I can remember. This first time I contemplated suicide, I didn't know there was a word for it. I was 14 when I first attempted. I've been driven to points where I lost touch with reality, afraid I'd never get it back. I didn't know who I was, all I felt like was a combination of my worst symptoms. It got so bad I developed a migraine condition, I began to expirience extreme joint pain. My skin hurt, my heart was breaking.


Five years ago I made the most important decision of my life, to start therapy and not quit. Man, did it get worse before it got better. I never knew how deeply therapy could hurt, how much Id uncover. The anger, pain, frustration, resentment and nausea could come from looking into my truest self. I spent years resisting acceptance. I was defiant, more venomous with everyone around me than I'd ever been. 


I say this, because I struggled so hard I didn't think I could handle something as painful as recovery and I know most of you feel a similar way. You might be thinking only the smart, the strong, the brave survive.


I was none of those things.


We are all doing our best and working so hard to keep heads above water. Our waters are dark, below is our own worst behaviors and fear of how they will manifest next. We are saturated in shame for how we've acted, who we've hurt. Every day we are putting in energy to fight this, and I'm no different. 


Somewhere, I slowly began to work differently. I stopped arguing about what acceptance meant, and started listening to what acceptance looked like. What it wanted. I embraced those frustrating baby steps and saw every day I can at least try one, the day is a little better. I practice patience, mindfulness, steadiness. 


One of the most important things I took away was to listen to myself and needs. Under every symptom was an origin of pain. Instead of pushing it away, dreading what was to come I started listening. When I wanted to lash out, and often inevitably did, I stopped berating myself and listened to my cries for help. I didn't need to punish myself, I needed to accept myself. Hold myself accountable. Show myself love and compassion.


I've been in steady therapy for five years. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and on medication for three. I've done long term outpatient treatment. I've done group therapy programs. I've taken leaves at work. I learned CBT, then DBT. I did EMDR.


I struggle. I fuck up. I sometimes still hurt people. I am going to live with bipolar and symptoms of bpd the rest of my life. But because of my pain, I see how amazing life can be. I appriciate the world more than I ever have. 


And fuck yall, I succeeded. It will ebb and flow, no doubt, but next time I will know what to do. 


I fucking did it, fam.",3.5705241317986456,6.025935626339973,4.6002758978412315,80.84001074445489,75.58499234303216,7.581969075729883,27.68386602776269,8.509696636181747,2.296606105814355,2736,112,488,55,62,890,316,653,0.14800000000000002,0.774,0.079,-0.9863,2,0,1,0,1,1,102.0,6,3,1,17,23,58,13,8,20,0,57,30,3,8,7,98,111,40,1,9,4,0,6,2,0,5,21,6,0,3,26,37,2,4,19,1,3,12,11,37,1,7,51,17,80,20,72,50,19,82,0,8,5,4,28,25,3,9,44,329,106,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050158712833921364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244236259922103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038479375584080884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050372169170471534,0.0,0.0,0.10632593232071064,0.04350995972641058,0.047245663537175735,0.06898672757517507,0.0,0.04814921084607444,0.0,0.05938190352123225,0.15013307919093913,0.0,0.0,0.14253230203911668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748501005059797,0.0,0.061147703108365474,0.0,0.13553426949656272,0.0,0.06215537621789041,0.1094768936391157,0.0,0.04873611554937364,0.057432039418823924,0.0,0.1182374420600853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371665578108764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236777362165256,0.14302455304917674,0.054068879804575386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367325292120217,0.02861080494834787,0.0,0.0543299586455164,0.0,0.0,0.09626143159426397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569342743112995,0.059126093543980865,0.0,0.032158254630076315,0.0,0.13576729379184874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137713005515588,0.055865443046877,0.05807198422970604,0.0,0.0,0.06705286176103104,0.03792737317432287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028741927383142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029487111032769,0.0,0.0,0.12438936544193475,0.0,0.0,0.059914776757466974,0.0,0.0,0.11990184003942808,0.0552886214065831,0.056712497758110075,0.04996511799806087,0.05007546964052306,0.09503339645656987,0.0,0.061768626212416626,0.04810608743832944,0.0510696875669881,0.053541587574654416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700289404824368,0.11404766091929483,0.06002717386751163,0.057134177777276564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159609140771607,0.1258699882496792,0.08728285323651845,0.0,0.12035643786356218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059375875973909885,0.0,0.07668619385006381,0.04303503433023135,0.30104929364065736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401627313261174,0.0784570847668741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349060777823826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688301461053881,0.0,0.06018454211433079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607505377180721,0.06409916673044877,0.0,0.0538247825564194,0.044998236556215584,0.056650919262077264,0.0,0.0901809828827212,0.0,0.05902993610503244,0.0,0.0,0.09361450596749876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356148451451719,0.05596348132087636,0.0,0.12015232363717032,0.0,0.045188425691379895,0.09461429043982672,0.0,0.11830873423222492,0.0,0.06189421910352151,0.06421137869056699,0.0,0.2940646172099076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588370618586353,0.0,0.11277660985486665,0.10877111840440076,0.0,0.0,0.09898456722443323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286742102651602,0.03841713645484925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674996532003946,0.04491411338318271,0.0,0.0,0.05087622826046208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358249016606647,0.0,0.05766440251262427,0.04019597942476987,0.0,0.0,0.21863123602506
bpd,thway9395839579535,2019/01/07,"Why does it feel impossible to believe anyone loves me? Content warning; suicide, substance abuse

My friends keep showing me they do but no matter how hard I try there’s something in me that cannot believe it. Like nothing I can do can ever get there. There’s this gap nobody can breach. 

They all have someone they love more, care about more. And I’m already terrified of pushing everyone away by being a burden. 

Why does it always come down to me alone drinking and getting high and writing another suicide note to add to an already existing pile of them? 

I don’t feel loved at all. I don’t feel important enough to anyone. There’s always someone better and more worth it. Sometimes I wish my friends would just let me go so I’ll stop being a burden on them, so I can die or fade away in peace. ",2.763333333333332,5.0415949299363065,3.5990063694267533,87.90177919320595,77.40764331210191,5.715329087048832,27.66411889596603,6.742157984588678,1.3456636093418255,632,27,120,6,15,201,98,157,0.222,0.568,0.209,-0.3982,0,1,2,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,5,1,11,10,0,0,3,0,14,4,0,1,3,22,28,9,3,2,3,0,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,3,2,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,4,18,8,16,24,6,14,0,0,0,3,11,8,0,1,4,79,24,0,0.0,0.14577273706021918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742399102305205,0.2715376224388068,0.0,0.20474486904467185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900972218785967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720535938285168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23118512548334794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772297427390116,0.0,0.10881175769133287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254392680653552,0.0,0.0,0.10598112703735517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276877351682532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153321691729556,0.0,0.0,0.12052446781876255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271248881920806,0.0,0.0,0.11128943839772452,0.0,0.11756229632354732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662594499183188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190108351766552,0.0,0.12855822711316928,0.0,0.06992188988811264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021245721246198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999000532128846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935644611831986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580849992179394,0.0,0.06010719397751527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33312340284844466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180524698771896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084891363015064,0.09471600242688816,0.12168173999760636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286021542643303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691539589228559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353061495135608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203438879999085,0.0,0.14148066548939656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739836410944332,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,politicoxcat,2019/01/07,"I am so sick of seeing other subs bash BPD as the main cause for abuse and domestic violence. I got diagnosed with BPD four years after being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. He hit me, choked me, tore me down, cheated on me, etc. 

You know what I did? I got addicted to it. I never fought back. The time I did I almost died. I internalized everything. I got addicted to the abuse because it was what was normal to me. Being abused makes sense to some borderlines because normal doesn’t register for us. 

This is what people don’t seem to get with BPD. There are multiple facets. There are those who lash out and those who punish themselves for their intense feelings. I fall into the latter. 

We are also more likely to fall into codependent relationships, primarily with narcissists. And they are just as if not more abusive. We like being controlled and abused because it lets us continue to escape ourselves and our own pain. 

I’m sick of being made out to be a monster for a disorder I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I am a good fucking person. I may not be able to control my emotions but like many others I dissociate to get away from them so I DONT take them out on others. We’re supposedly the ones “without empathy” but I swear I had seen more posts bashing people with BPD than otherwise. Where’s the empathy in that? Do they just really not get it? ",3.333129770992372,5.74818907633588,4.755978625954199,79.63062442748092,76.17557251908397,8.008793893129772,26.12885496183206,8.841846274778883,2.307026992366413,1086,41,196,25,25,361,152,262,0.134,0.8109999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,6,0,28.0,5,1,5,2,9,9,4,0,10,0,25,7,0,5,1,42,44,14,1,5,9,0,1,3,0,2,6,0,0,1,16,17,0,2,3,0,0,2,9,5,0,2,11,3,34,4,38,23,7,22,0,0,2,1,18,13,1,5,9,154,50,0,0.08220495888959671,0.5843966041789087,0.0,0.17923107819464634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823163918462217,0.0,0.0,0.06573927592417686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057479618616103074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723426489854754,0.06321053917681313,0.0,0.150334139820766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41413707200175337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444713717770745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439970284843213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343630287215008,0.08531576883817116,0.0,0.09421400479111984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634359958802008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849390285316419,0.0,0.0,0.0916802590614188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388051644362123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156529719722857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599715986037213,0.1288460944057753,0.0,0.0,0.06894961932873607,0.19724044556976034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517769556032055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406014002097742,0.0,0.12048357174178613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778431973408917,0.054872448390772925,0.08334292573556025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340153207062194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610868118928012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570420762464856,0.0,0.08747187213907613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398113584887405,0.07177819930931864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872962706677583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526626016429502,0.0,0.0,0.17651472300075385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550670912310247,0.07483630717075304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180789855161425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047934372603291586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776488782912074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453164578460667,0.07924264687877236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529372983294539
bpd,wonpilover,2019/01/07,"my jealousy is ridiculous. i can't believe how wild i let my thoughts run. my boyfriend still follows his ex on instagram, and has recently liked some of her posts; only selfies though, none of the pictures she posted of her and her new boyfriend. i ashamedly went through his phone one night to make sure he hasn't messaged her. i feel so disgusted with myself. he's never given me good reason not to trust him, yet my mind is running rampant with thoughts of how he thinks she's prettier than me, that he misses her, that he thinks im ugly, etc. i know this is RIDICULOUS and just outright wrong of me, due to the fact that i am still facebook friends with my ex, and that means absolutely nothing. but i look so deeply into everything. i wish that i could just fucking think rationally.",6.381220760233916,6.624336493421055,5.901929824561408,82.82961988304095,65.64473684210526,8.59766081871345,35.309941520467845,8.167268648758528,2.6260590643274857,625,28,121,7,9,192,97,152,0.125,0.799,0.075,-0.5659,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,4,1,2,0,9,1,0,4,3,31,25,10,0,2,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,9,0,0,4,5,7,0,1,4,2,28,5,15,19,3,16,0,1,1,1,20,2,1,1,9,81,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637187927218074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207454136852662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844872107892041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866897792270134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364140572949152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780320911463042,0.15292827697125772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874658607164564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868216441220233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091059655736496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915332624257615,0.0,0.08081593690986495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891127644303802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041924462720412,0.0,0.0,0.18019105423721146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670272106330947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758222905582506,0.15976382612790546,0.0,0.15523561895659418,0.0,0.15872510969681228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209298489230396,0.12580948957905255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31685358337160274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007948028042028,0.16333245647209912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642095148565849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590654781853447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31798368702095525,0.1625244722005874,0.26265026675150405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533461502024286,0.0,0.0,0.1902250259833114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086098230394906,0.0,0.0
bpd,zamecek,2019/01/07,"DAE do things that you know are self destructive but you can’t stop? sorry if the formatting is bad, i hardly post anything on here.

sometimes i feel so deep in my emotion mind that i can’t calm down and i end up making things worse, and even in the moment that it’s happening, i know that i’m doing it but i just can’t stop. i think i just ruined a really good friendship and my relationship with my FP because of my behaviour. 
is this normal for people with BPD?? how do you stop and put out the fire before it goes too far?",1.7110909090909097,3.5321579272727317,3.3963636363636382,90.30454545454548,78.81818181818181,6.581818181818183,20.090909090909093,7.554174236665415,0.523290909090909,412,10,90,6,10,137,73,110,0.23600000000000002,0.672,0.092,-0.9513,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,7,5,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,0,23,16,9,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,15,2,10,16,0,15,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,62,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514710190179836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368781164221584,0.11220520995586968,0.0,0.1566270064428262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318252718737099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705000091962866,0.1630282561084369,0.0,0.0,0.12157416560682748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930695363898093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543862197046235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276936904731285,0.0,0.16488740026357754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231623322733427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286579614889626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858546604104241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803460568348235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760851221997152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628479489702695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503763902536768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791769217320515,0.0,0.0,0.19761850080974688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202146868407768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204644261833255,0.2060473402756283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461663425565064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445711637906441,0.11794235989718517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757945530488127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,compassionatevillain,2019/01/07,"I finally know what unconditional love is - because I got a dog. Got a puppy in early December and wow.

Growing up in an environment where love was conditional; I feel like I FINALLY know what unconditional love is. Like I would do anything for her, even when she's being a bit of a pain in my butt. If anyone hurt her it would be the last thing they ever did. I miss her when she's not in the room and she lights up my life. I am so thankful to the universe that we have these four legged creatures that can just love us to the moon and back with their ridiculous tongues hanging out of their mouths. 

I can't believe it took me this long to bring such a bundle of love into my house and my world. 🐾♥️",3.5808904109589044,4.282520650684933,4.813589041095892,86.55572602739728,71.94520547945207,7.757808219178082,26.24383561643836,7.908726449838941,1.2492021917808218,549,17,123,7,10,182,97,146,0.067,0.708,0.225,0.9807,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,3,0,9,13,1,0,10,0,13,10,3,0,1,17,27,8,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,4,0,1,5,2,24,9,16,18,1,24,0,2,0,6,16,11,1,1,11,88,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088036446010856,0.0,0.11872594947186887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093849234570996,0.0,0.08794863977325848,0.0,0.0,0.16254840636788992,0.0,0.0,0.15751082364995567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529221059249043,0.13050490671311346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294972428669581,0.10307001720521228,0.0,0.3160922011382045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230779634177754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664738635867282,0.15444926414131832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158579423570363,0.11760329940641327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190562840547723,0.14097085681731744,0.0,0.0,0.12767874620786948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6510686494394854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351866546529058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282894374096596,0.0,0.0,0.09584983260407304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029472217854518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735449402931927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049774986592948,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,acid_xx_aj,2019/01/07,Medications Has anyone tried atypical antipsychotics for bpd? My partner thinks I should but I think I just need to switch to some other antidepressant. What have your experiences been with one compared to the other?,6.3583333333333325,9.984317055555554,5.6200000000000045,70.80000000000003,72.8888888888889,9.155555555555557,28.44444444444445,9.516144504307137,3.4775777777777765,178,7,26,5,4,54,31,36,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613285578680236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470713995636987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655906381692413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765049695606094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771243863187673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532567298846371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478956578231068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25374576208880145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flyingbeetlekites,2019/01/07,One argument with my S.O. and I automatically become suicidal... Title. Not much energy to add anything else. Been binge watching New Girl to avoid my feelings. Hope you're all having a great New Year so far.,2.1879824561403503,5.058452184210529,3.9589473684210494,77.95929824561404,92.94736842105264,6.743859649122808,22.12280701754386,7.793537801064563,1.8591964912280703,165,6,28,4,6,55,35,38,0.15,0.6890000000000001,0.161,0.3582,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,4,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,3,2,3,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437869971678927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271828223371664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24747732746588555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979197308751008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266146468928221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942412714302107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777648744727154,0.0,0.0,0.5722366460723122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007454230335392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240474086263873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077410487563573
bpd,jessieminden,2019/01/07,"Rumination How do you guys deal with obsessing over thoughts and situations, feelings/ events etc. that didn't go well? More specifically, in relationships but also in general. My ex of a long time ago recently re-contacted me, and I'll spare you the details but I like, legit can't stop obsessing over the situation and how I'm upset and  it just feeds into self-loathing and I don't know what to do. Any tips? Radial acceptance is hard!! lol",1.8632142857142853,4.681815559523808,3.8566666666666687,79.88000000000002,89.83333333333331,8.514285714285714,24.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.8064714285714287,353,15,66,12,12,119,66,84,0.124,0.7190000000000001,0.157,0.7201,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,3,3,1,6,1,0,2,0,18,11,10,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,2,6,3,8,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053877547666478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529012188218275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756370348268114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388721594356825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584063504939354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715430198267833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168024740895573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294190756804477,0.0,0.0,0.2075573708964244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733606506988246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319674263213696,0.0,0.0,0.20504689409408045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877544634998914,0.24875870686903165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241713260880013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5208802161854985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937112775064437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394363651869589,0.13510592590423445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832580628634245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sedlybloomfield,2019/01/07,"can’t stop eating - gained 10 lbs in the last week constantly going back and forth trying one extreme diet to the next. I recently lost 20 lbs after I went vegan keto. now I am off the wagon, it’s been less than a month and I have gained 10 lbs back. 

feeling completely worthless. my abdomen is completely distended from eating so much today - it physically hurts. feel disgusting. but I feel so emotionally low, I feel like I need to eat more.

",3.9801344537815098,5.904572929411768,5.5268907563025245,77.06529411764707,72.6470588235294,9.092436974789916,26.26050420168067,9.606745405546679,2.6115210084033618,349,12,63,9,7,118,64,85,0.14800000000000002,0.758,0.094,-0.552,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,0,4,0,5,5,1,0,0,9,13,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,4,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,3,4,8,1,7,10,3,17,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,13,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613066512346932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563030501004267,0.1836165975607808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521593114768099,0.0,0.1911303038130372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34365435763176383,0.12138654703665505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656600327576356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818963785475996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850253276508134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301136453573578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548112855568505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356236795220535,0.0,0.12490629063493232,0.12598902767431278,0.0,0.0,0.18070539441095906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513807779240053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677695093709614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205565547082474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610585401082456,0.0,0.0,0.11536040644677314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629470727350074,0.0,0.0,0.15751191734376396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dyintolive,2019/01/07,"the story of how I got herpes. im here to finally share my story. about 3 years ago I meet someone who changed my life forever. our relationship was rocky in the beginning . we definitely had the worst moments to having the best. But on the day of August my life ended when you left on vacation with your family and I trusted you. I had faith that you weren't like all those over guys. I laughed in everyone's face who said you were going to cheat but you proved me right. we spent every second on the phone. how could you? when did you find time? did you call me after or before you entered those whore? did you think about my face? or my body as you touched someone else's? 
when you came back home I was the happiest, wanting to see my baby. On the night you returned we made love like never before. that I miss you sex.  
I wonder what went on, on that mind while I touched you with my finger tips. the disgust. and you didn't even to tell me. I found out on my own and I did that same night. it hurt like hell. but I forgave u like always, I don't know what wrong with me. i should've left right there. ugh how i hate myself. but I just looked pass it. couple months down the road you come to my house with news. you've been diagnosed. and now so have I. 
how much anger filled my heart. hearing those words play over and over in my mind. now every night before i shut my eyes to sleep i think about how much damage you have caused me. i can no longer make love to anyone nor kiss who i want. now i live with this heavy baggage . The first man i ever made love to gave me herpes. So i stayed, and we don't even talk about it but it crosses my head every second. now im left with nothing but resentment. and its like you don't even care. so someone please help me. i haven't told anyone and now its been a year. and im just lost in my thoughts and hated myself ever since.",0.2304746317512283,2.4945339230769257,1.5338625204582677,98.84496726677578,87.97435897435898,4.447354064375341,15.733769776322966,5.8928092327891965,-0.777852154937261,1450,29,334,11,47,459,192,390,0.174,0.6990000000000001,0.127,-0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,5,20,0,3,30,31,7,0,12,0,22,17,8,9,5,62,54,32,0,3,10,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,1,2,19,23,0,0,8,1,1,8,9,15,0,3,25,8,73,16,39,28,7,62,2,4,3,6,45,23,1,3,35,223,92,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389956532040919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936778762564448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658389499686495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410386011173239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128168099424964,0.0,0.08748822707327965,0.0,0.0,0.09260162985801984,0.0,0.0,0.08512673988995059,0.09534931608149168,0.08499792495581747,0.0856405836585835,0.0881909334605202,0.0718130456402274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656154059733367,0.09224368764858068,0.0,0.05376463626134633,0.0,0.0,0.08461546376934581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964219538603178,0.0,0.07383816746858543,0.0,0.0,0.16518879268314593,0.15081993827286086,0.21072016611502933,0.0796604715146793,0.0,0.0,0.07859072214780052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132416447949236,0.07619566980596554,0.07091168762135347,0.0,0.09140730313273644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737922694496472,0.0,0.06667597996494498,0.0,0.0,0.08254615757525306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461474883798485,0.08555830382008285,0.0,0.09396034993346848,0.09878996205577646,0.05587895368463119,0.0,0.08362361531737879,0.0,0.0,0.0961939993773128,0.08924579569751061,0.0,0.27015108325887666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04581616790624618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717345486384356,0.0,0.11776875653846065,0.20364383664706054,0.0,0.07361433921690576,0.0,0.07000704655556032,0.0,0.0910046205262552,0.0,0.22572515316006414,0.15776720831862112,0.05564793152279684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835323971169908,0.0,0.0665425188286662,0.0,0.12256825984495293,0.0,0.0642975522065397,0.0,0.0,0.2347020518776647,0.0,0.07999261419671493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091511621651591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950465585533389,0.0,0.14238944308393536,0.07930083946841122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643248060677304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896181049929627,0.0,0.08342692430373252,0.0,0.211909048515323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885782894091795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700700993840142,0.07286618594394834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068360532046181,0.0,0.0661838618257993,0.04861180359986897,0.0,0.0,0.0796604715146793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834370029861192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728178266895046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040764932994737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114841885013507,0.0,0.10737086602954198
bpd,Two_eh_em,2019/01/07,"What does BPD look/feel like? I went to get help for a seriously traumatic event, and was diagnosed with BPD. 

Can someone who agrees with their BPD diagnosis explain what your emotions and day-to-day life makes you feel like? What are the things you do and can't do? What is your social life like? 

Thanks for helping me understand.",3.4823809523809537,5.927404460317465,3.4891269841269827,88.74892857142858,75.82539682539681,7.374603174603175,24.785714285714285,8.344100000000001,1.518219047619048,263,9,53,5,6,80,45,63,0.076,0.672,0.253,0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,9,14,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,4,5,12,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6440327922080167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198541304796371,0.0,0.0,0.17300460400878115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491631868827137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173490612300964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723707195687379,0.24354105797305603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905383217864518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284999886306097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24078975853730594,0.24982186292087974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313626407797042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377764687613752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375375792246658,0.1444229356003859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692876728501445,0.0,0.0,0.11324034996743836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744594021270627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580101746434927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FranScan1997,2019/01/07,"Overreacting Does anyone else have a hard time telling whether they’re overreacting to something, or have a right to be legitimately upset? 
A lot of the time I genuinely can’t tell. ",7.943636363636365,8.776268363636365,8.008636363636366,67.03295454545456,62.33333333333333,11.44848484848485,37.71212121212121,11.20814326018867,4.40410303030303,148,7,26,4,2,48,27,33,0.138,0.862,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,15,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182356785543216,0.31979520447563203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731309530265977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607291816162427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795906769477111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653461100125957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665415899102547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402787480299492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5455985677462758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639895525759229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jslev9,2019/01/07,"Has anyone tried DBT through DBT Path (emotionallysensitive.com)? Hi all,

I live in Central Florida and have been looking for a DBT program for a while but there simply aren't any within 90+ minutes of me but I recently found an online DBT program called DBT Path on https://emotionallysensitive.com. It's $111 per month for their program, which lasts nine months and meets once per week for an hour. Curious to hear if anyone has been through this program (or any other online DBT programs, for that matter). Thanks!",6.541211180124224,8.662965108695655,6.2096273291925455,73.95152173913044,66.3913043478261,7.431055900621117,29.447204968944106,7.957251820313856,1.9652031055900625,418,15,71,5,7,130,67,92,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.7959,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,10,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,4,1,12,7,1,10,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,7,41,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293880091067512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386825598533458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472978122636379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26554319029329404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729599301948093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385032952613592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974129787462935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385366176489998,0.0,0.20337428026269927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866192773296545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579189638240803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23912832441773035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297127359504976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442761739720474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426608028787914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notsoshocking,2019/01/07,"always completely unsatisfied in life? Does anyone else never feel fulfilled or satisfied in life no matter what? I feel like I can never harm myself enough, can never eat enough or starve enough, never fuck enough men or have enough orgasms, I can never lose enough weight or exercise enough, I can never get enough love or affection or attention, even when I reach my personal targets it feels like nothing. It's not that I'm a perfectionist or have high standards, I just never feel satisfied no matter what I do and end up still feeling very apathetic about it all. It's like I'm hungry in every aspect of my life but nothing fills it and it pains me, my heart aches. Does anyone relate to this? What can I do?",4.4576270053475895,6.4063661397058835,5.10975935828877,80.44914438502673,71.42647058823529,7.886631016042781,24.863636363636363,8.575989854853784,1.7837441176470583,569,17,102,10,11,183,76,136,0.14400000000000002,0.701,0.155,-0.6518,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,1,0,9,11,2,1,8,30,19,11,0,0,10,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,11,2,2,0,6,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,0,6,13,4,7,19,9,16,0,1,0,3,3,5,1,7,13,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078603979857095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896749937675168,0.08716548100926816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919551762511603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889273238553094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870490590305529,0.07106605793541337,0.0,0.0753478183460558,0.7032101902775512,0.0,0.056188714547885564,0.0,0.0716761414076758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507273306004748,0.1215497413520118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864693856711504,0.04444618233085505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080976235710733,0.0,0.08988237637429213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802648788299648,0.1246844498206548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517289426112266,0.0,0.0,0.07678006474396037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592849897136054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325619040002615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052173748481944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742808763105069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793795724148023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701926359769138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359378350905944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rosaxxg,2019/10/23,How do i deal with heartbreak caused by my bpd? currently going through a really bad break up from a long term relationship that i ruined bc of my bpd. How am i supposed to ever recover when i know i ruined something that couldve been great and had so much potential.  When it was over something i feel i have no control over. especially when he’s tired of my weak mental health and doesn’t even want to wait for me to make progress because I have just literally sucked all the patience out of him. It makes me feel like i have no point in recovering anymore. It hurts so intensely... i have no idea how to cope he was everything to me but at the same time i feel like can’t blame him. The worst part is i feel like i will always ruin every relationship i have. it’s so helpless.,3.456751054852319,4.801608367088608,4.631075949367091,85.31133966244727,72.92405063291139,8.051476793248945,26.457805907173,8.59863814320734,1.7069729957805904,614,21,130,11,12,202,100,158,0.24,0.679,0.081,-0.9779,1,0,2,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,12,14,1,0,5,0,15,3,0,7,2,24,26,12,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,4,4,22,4,19,21,6,17,0,6,0,0,7,7,1,0,11,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130804816869767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144583419473778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172764637243752,0.08887156354630157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367232045447196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976536521124653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351465404816054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030195986110784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629219702512178,0.13187441147424253,0.12283344059324333,0.0,0.13102566761843212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948610040744041,0.31245486936649336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285519462510092,0.0,0.0,0.16073278284404718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549667890055515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560700384702054,0.16457792866959806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012176967889016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367528523663665,0.0,0.0,0.12901859353798598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463045279997465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469209266905924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717162012911224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787517748428234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378176387077868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933961059145634,0.0,0.0,0.31304544877275603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244708439016473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501068312116851,0.16756290030175874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859900736440789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myexplosivethoughts,2019/10/23,"My(F22) husband (M23) with uBPD just quit his job...again My husband and I met in high school a little over 5 years ago. Our relationship was anything but normal. A lot of you will think I am dumb for staying this long after reading about our past. At first I stayed b/c I tend to get into relationships w/people w/baggage thinking I could “fix” them. Later it was b/c I got to know him and love that good side of him. He felt like my soul mate. The good side of him anyway. 

First it was mainly on holidays or special days. For example, our first Thanksgiving together I was out food shopping with his dad, we get a call saying he had called an ambulance because he felt suicidal. After being put into the hospital, he later admitted he had just done it for attention. The next year, he became super obsessed with an online computer game so much that he would buy stuff from the online shop. When he had no money, he asked if I would buy him something costing $100. I said no because I had a small job working minimum wage. After saying no, he secretly wrote down my card numbers and bought it anyway. The biggest event was a few years back, he cheated on me. I found out from a friend of ours the next day. It was devastating, but again, I took him back. Writing this all, I honestly can’t believe I’ve stayed this long. 

There’s more, but those were some of the biggest things. He would always, and still does, get into “moods.” He says he feels depressed and empty inside. He said he can’t fill it. That there’s nothing wrong with me, but he just doesn’t feel complete. Although he says it’s not me, when he gets into these moods, he gets upset over the smallest things and lashes out on anyone, usually me. He calls me names, says he doesnt want to be with me, etc. My sister roommates with us and there have been times where he’ll randomly talk trash to her. During these moods, he says he’s feeling reckless and wants to do bad things. 

This also relates to his jobs and friends. He has no friends b/c he often pushes them away or when invited somewhere, acts antisocial and says he doesn’t want to be there. He has quit every job, almost always in a negative way. Of all of them, he had finally kept a job as a gym manager for over a year, but ended up quitting it after getting into an argument with a female coworker. His most recent job, he said he hated it and needed to quit today. 

We have a daughter. We had her while he was the gym manager and things seemed to finally be improving. His mood swings had seemed to calm, and I felt closer than ever to him. I don’t regret my daughter. I love her more than anything. I do wish to have had her under better circumstances but there’s nothing I can change now. I don’t know what to do. I know I can never change him. After quitting today, I finally convinced him to make an appointment to get diagnosed for BPD, however, he’s saying it’s stupid. I’m drenched in stress and fatigue.",2.670521601685984,4.6411136917808244,3.9036986301369865,87.0782349841939,76.46575342465755,6.752581664910432,24.244467860906216,7.680030821947732,1.2251818756585868,2292,76,457,33,52,748,277,584,0.13,0.752,0.11800000000000001,-0.7808,8,0,1,0,0,0,84.0,8,1,3,11,25,30,4,3,25,0,45,5,0,1,4,88,89,31,1,12,13,6,6,1,4,5,2,11,0,0,26,32,1,1,17,7,8,5,14,12,0,3,31,17,62,14,67,48,11,83,1,3,0,2,100,31,1,11,44,294,88,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151483317649898,0.0,0.05819309113844282,0.0,0.0,0.04647399611947955,0.09671152981385624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063487975734631,0.0,0.09564625795486492,0.0,0.05432903897952829,0.0,0.0546003112557236,0.08937264097042016,0.04852302497253561,0.07085189315353269,0.0,0.0,0.06547493144832324,0.0,0.051397388355394764,0.0,0.0,0.07319294442541846,0.0,0.17802363729515416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295447761297508,0.0,0.060931752832978074,0.0,0.0,0.046399551133698376,0.0,0.0,0.07495785004390249,0.0,0.05005377371842501,0.05898480567958241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085622803643727,0.05947112034933773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147203319411232,0.0,0.06481282222772833,0.0,0.05256772435757867,0.04896381621585332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815303029244012,0.0,0.16739656569997302,0.1909841720075013,0.0,0.14829601807153653,0.07027205948434853,0.06371934600129685,0.13469692512091125,0.0,0.2125363143554861,0.0,0.0,0.09748705917659208,0.04647932595924382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573758538904293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614009637154337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34601693831753144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958143218939168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02839171848118645,0.05824581006903023,0.0,0.10285867874272207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049406711798307364,0.10490087511217493,0.0,0.038791756035165874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042720707701529186,0.04309102766173186,0.04482134179295854,0.0,0.1236104650210648,0.0,0.05693968913986872,0.11152450377289977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055476688735139404,0.040289148234946656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842093711496805,0.0,0.30905863325174776,0.058130040821126536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738087437096109,0.12478604968557472,0.0,0.0,0.16584006272266838,0.3697186819136098,0.0,0.0588147886086647,0.0,0.10581017816689024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473923832767057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582637994433845,0.04641016643923445,0.0,0.06656975063975216,0.0,0.06652698610252197,0.06356762746812925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671008447297922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443427245619956,0.07447461205230532,0.0,0.0,0.03388692398931307,0.0,0.1101711495846008,0.0,0.06456714144840439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990436463082284,0.0,0.06400470683150418,0.0,0.10283198472569624,0.046128437662783836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682859337284121,0.0,0.0,0.042307912921134685,0.0,0.0,0.12384822441252748,0.06353887970799181,0.0,0.1496948521292723
bpd,mommyissues613,2019/10/23,Anyone have kids they think are developing BPD like themselves?? How do you STOP this? What can I do. I see my daughter has SERIOUS problems with shame and rejection and emotional regulation. It runs in my family. How do I stop?,2.255714285714284,5.171803142857144,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,89.0,8.514285714285714,26.04761904761905,8.841846274778883,3.038733333333333,180,8,32,6,6,60,34,42,0.332,0.59,0.078,-0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,9,9,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,2,9,0,4,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302154785260885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41467204594311136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703558580991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31038250536153883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608522799957999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150426152235522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26236531749045805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505264537349762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096664434655574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,v_gin_,2019/10/23,"How can I stop hurting myself? I hurt myself when someone upsets me and I feel like they don’t understand the depth of my pain. I have tried strictly speaking with words, but I feel like no one is able to understand the pain they have caused me until I hurt myself. 
I’m stuck in a cycle and today I carved up my entire leg. I don’t know what I can do to stop this cycle and communicate better with others when I am deeply hurt",2.7087158908507227,4.070195730337081,4.0854253611557,88.41764044943821,74.84269662921349,6.434028892455858,20.579454253611555,6.868970318607317,0.3145364365971104,336,7,71,3,7,111,55,89,0.309,0.603,0.087,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,5,5.0,0,0,2,1,3,10,0,1,3,0,9,3,1,2,0,16,16,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,3,19,3,8,15,0,9,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,51,22,0,0.15872815231204562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038215181352576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630575361063248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605154461126331,0.2267908474542197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6796870797751037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723284141090054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509311510200327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755830392351172,0.0,0.3377958904537121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448984836167302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654076854180924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504557287961183,0.0,0.0,0.10776599623031778,0.0,0.0,0.3304832088115732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VermillionSun,2019/10/23,"Critique of Borderline Personality Disorder by a Former Psychotherapist [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk8PRAKBEaQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk8PRAKBEaQ)  

I've been diagnosed so many different times by so many different therapists that at this point I feel less and less belief in any of these diagnoses. Most of the time diagnosis is necessary for insurance companies,and I know I've at times over identified with the labels to the point of it hindering my progress, seeing myself as essentially broken and harmed, when I kept getting different diagnoses it left me confused how I could be so many different things to so many different people, but eventually just felt like fuck this weird system that keeps telling me, ""wait no, THIS, is the problem... wait, no, actually THIS is the problem"". 

But, anyways, as someone who has at one point in time been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and then diagnosed later with CPTSD I found this to be an interesting critique of this ""disorder"" and other ""personality disorders"" in general. At this point, I try not to see myself as any of these ""disorders"". For anyone who feels harmed by having this label or being diagnosed with any personality disorder what do you think of this? And for anyone that feels that BPD label makes sense for what they experience instead of the other disorders, what do you think?",12.44645332246229,12.376292161434979,10.889457806767227,53.09854056257647,53.39461883408072,15.104606604158175,42.6942519364044,13.88584557914918,6.50455515695067,1124,50,157,39,11,351,114,223,0.134,0.8290000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9702,5,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,2,1,1,9,9,1,1,8,0,13,7,0,2,0,35,30,18,0,3,5,0,4,1,0,0,6,0,0,4,25,9,0,4,9,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,6,14,2,34,21,3,22,1,0,2,1,10,13,1,3,9,119,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.06759875882802674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132049991496562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687215350421427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724472903752972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055307465738687916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42185323429011023,0.0,0.3618686237100045,0.5557360702694961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776058596381954,0.0,0.0,0.10507689370985594,0.0,0.06651127432639689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759523628947103,0.0,0.06404016513268751,0.03619137512334965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157148013779761,0.0,0.0,0.038069673778767514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526342842010544,0.0,0.0,0.03384243939420907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046239105022296084,0.28092074685699736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693999961869808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048023970732486265,0.24193997486964586,0.0,0.0,0.2619349306732967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325664841378013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040045383932504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869331516518748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054613589826105,0.0,0.0,0.08042927380681275,0.04602074817566045,0.08877245477259506,0.0,0.0,0.1615705188292038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703063954557174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paralogisme,2019/10/23,"We have messed up views of ourselves. Name one good quality you possess that you've never doubted. Time for an exercise. We here all know how our brains make us doubt everything about ourselves  and how crookedly we see ourselves. I would like yall to name one good thing about you, something that, no matter how hard your brain tries to ruin for you, you know is true.



I'll start with myself. I'm funny. I'm not quick witted or anything, I don't think of quips on the spot and I'm awkward in conversations, often I think of the funny answer or the joke the next day. But when I do, it's super funny. My brain tries to ruin it for me wherever a joke is taken wrong, because sometimes jokes on the internet don't translate, but hey, that's not my fault, brain! But when that happens, I go ahead and read through my best jokes and I find myself releasing air through nose suddenly, which is the pinnacle of reactions to funny stuff on the internet.",3.6859677419354817,5.427365338709676,4.281483870967743,86.45222580645162,73.03225806451613,7.325591397849463,26.378494623655914,8.021203637495839,1.5712907526881719,747,26,147,11,15,237,110,186,0.073,0.732,0.195,0.968,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,5,6,0,3,10,18,0,3,9,0,8,6,5,4,3,35,21,14,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,8,0,2,1,4,23,10,22,19,2,17,0,2,2,0,15,6,0,5,11,96,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203460530375932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914876413976035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347367522008176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6530250612618196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431504786339223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143435169433726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336640354042435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083113629474278,0.24532444959177604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932276581527324,0.0,0.13100557417518535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074335732469128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144725431449013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761876374572777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279210900601926,0.0,0.15553176776081046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981969474016736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462832132761117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653724499604337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258549709669023,0.14463869709657062,0.0,0.10351199945527652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741397664932078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715777460215096,0.1874140359203679,0.0,0.0,0.08527584118603418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857966058797527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759130896138181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388728426640044,0.1598944600821845,0.0,0.0
bpd,Abbyaase,2019/10/23,"DAE feel like therapy isn't for them? I have never really in my lifetime had sustainable/dependable help. as an older teen my parents tried to get me to go to a therapist but I felt extremely drained from talking in therapy. Therapy has always felt like me pouring out so much emotion and either having that emotion remain on the surface where it can outwardly hurt me or just completely drain me. Now, as much as I want to find appropriate treatment I feel as if therapy will just leave me feeling the same way I did. I know that DBT is one of the best ways to treat BPD but i feel skeptical and worried that it will just invoke unwanted emotion or bring up trauma that I feel will never be resolved.  Not sure why I feel this way or what I should do.",5.791343843843844,6.118017128378379,6.609819819819819,76.96280780780779,66.9054054054054,10.361561561561563,34.01201201201201,10.25414643259724,3.48674084084084,597,26,113,14,9,198,97,148,0.156,0.726,0.11800000000000001,-0.7359,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,6,9,1,0,5,0,14,0,0,0,3,32,27,13,0,4,11,1,8,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,11,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,4,8,18,6,17,18,5,17,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,4,6,85,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708958653824727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245158861558972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695812847668646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233988441690295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937579417936032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539905233495895,0.08335834414016736,0.22406791803782591,0.0,0.1066461297193097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609620410745649,0.0,0.0663136264257595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821014184147129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491154325563215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412591421814183,0.0,0.0,0.1235504279999544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401082016815604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155083185411565,0.0,0.17998621472098042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906740694550002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956264065632433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475010474916834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997232764993913,0.0,0.0,0.09378535935429698,0.0,0.0,0.5337486260582549,0.13547793297981053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922008406611881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882264468460357,0.2778525548477053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528824046457608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849722999410547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JampsDeedee,2019/10/23,"I need some support but I don’t know what to say I’ve written and deleted about ten messages now, I can’t do explain how I’m feeling, words are failing me. It would be great for someone who can relate to this to just say ‘hey’. Maybe I’m shouting into the void. I hope someone hears",1.9185000000000016,3.391040516666667,3.25,93.135,77.16666666666666,4.800000000000002,28.66666666666667,3.1291,0.6770666666666663,221,10,48,0,5,72,47,60,0.07,0.7240000000000001,0.20600000000000002,0.8248,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,17,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,5,3,6,14,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142329268302575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30836711640817666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152390374057361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277802398828072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371424945321585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28099340026820196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073919068964807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44485283026454536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739730075422741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173970329926366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986888440619833,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,autumnstar_69,2019/10/23,"Old report cards show beginning of interpersonal struggles My grandmother sent a package of thing from my childhood. I lived with her at 6-9 years old. 

One teacher said: “Although she appears comfortable in our class, Autumn has been slow to develop friendships. She is kind to her classmates, but remains somewhat aloof. When given the choice, she usually elects to work/play independently. Not surprisingly, Autumn requires a lot of attention and affirmation from *me* throughout the day.”

Another teacher talks for the first two quarters about my struggles making friendships. In the third she reports that I asked to be removed from the group table and be given my own desk, alone by the window. She said that my work and demeanor improved to her surprise but she felt conflicted on the situation because I wasn’t getting experience with social skills. Their solution was to put me in summer school not for academic reasons, but for socialization. 

Anyways. It was interesting to see some of my own background. I had a lot of great teachers and social workers in my life at the time, and it’s been interesting revisiting those mementoes with more insight than I had as a child. 

I’m different but same same! 

Anyone else ever go back like this? Did you learn interesting things about yourself?

Hopefully I used the right flair.",5.927662337662338,8.79602453679654,5.812554112554114,72.98168831168834,69.86580086580086,8.555844155844158,34.37662337662338,9.23628265651192,3.684979220779221,1072,54,164,24,21,335,150,231,0.039,0.79,0.171,0.9875,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,1,5,6,12,0,2,13,0,12,1,0,4,1,33,28,12,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,8,8,0,2,5,1,0,5,3,2,0,5,14,4,27,10,33,12,9,29,0,0,1,0,22,8,0,6,17,123,35,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835686461659144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400786502107023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934078253122037,0.13687667751313606,0.0,0.0,0.12488673308950117,0.0,0.0,0.1027209147080848,0.0,0.0814339958459902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615319898188438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395710117583014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159561998081713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083798065047972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306746830292292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282654151649858,0.0,0.0,0.11362987194941562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979420861503224,0.0,0.07592113051329305,0.0,0.0,0.14728122526636128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268301159315152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391113294904406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943571445976804,0.06526434176846498,0.0,0.11796063835799865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271434556944815,0.0,0.0,0.08917101743438331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803562370540019,0.0,0.09052267604121167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429282235352538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735069781105627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140834094301263,0.2541455304911764,0.0,0.0,0.13519817292283565,0.10645232849255347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015849245785198,0.0,0.4085283832735879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27931033433968233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737296226357176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749984286834294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789622844372833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049605042599907,0.0,0.0,0.1153771277017905,0.14712829250577766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945072884704092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602628260084445
bpd,BunnyPls,2019/10/23,"Advice for anger management? (Not exactly self harming but just in case it triggers someone.)

Today I punched a wall. Again. And again I have a purple bump in my hand which I must try to hide.

I’ve never in my life had problems with anger until a few months ago. Probably because my boyfriend kept telling me how I was never angry and that I should try to let it out. And oh boy, just when I kinda knew how to manage my emotions, a new one enters the stage.

Luckily I’m not aggresive, just mad at myself when I explode. I’ve punched myself in the face a few times too. Any advice?",1.6006410256410248,3.8296698547008567,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,81.22222222222223,5.609401709401709,23.42521367521368,6.816661863887847,0.7845162393162388,451,16,92,5,12,147,78,117,0.12300000000000001,0.748,0.129,0.4224,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,3,0,7,0,6,3,2,3,4,23,9,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,2,14,0,12,2,2,21,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,12,64,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328311096553425,0.1963176460114643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060554802652407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350045804448301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491212174216327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22646560420399206,0.156429100476337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677330846910258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416188996175603,0.21389476765069265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500721630165323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387795077203205,0.21191456305564044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23103898496593706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876487608223595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935724254442797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913952618963875,0.0,0.2099253691720452,0.0,0.0,0.30072389697435503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gayestweeb,2019/10/23,"DAE get really defensive when corrected? Whenever I assert an opinion or position (usually political) and someone disagrees with me (or even worse, proves me wrong), I get insanely defensive and feel like I should never express an opinion again and just shut up forever.",12.637333333333338,11.368817288888893,12.327222222222225,46.75750000000002,53.88888888888889,17.88888888888889,53.611111111111114,15.903189008614273,9.187444444444443,218,14,28,10,2,73,35,45,0.113,0.7759999999999999,0.111,-0.2764,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,16,4,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,5,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23797957906789274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218220115710915,0.2574036131233361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764913950205231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602795106565178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27789120848940085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308220879655437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052872131772627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968275963842463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671839291877757,0.0,0.3939394797611888,0.0,0.0
bpd,annabananner,2019/10/23,"What do your long-term relationships look like? It blows my mind that some people remain friends with their exes after a breakup. After I decided to file for divorce I never spoke to my ex husband again, and I'm not on speaking terms with anyone else I've ever dated.   
Even friends that I was close to before, roommates, etc - I feel like everyone eventually cycles out of my life. I'm not even sad about it, but it strikes me as weird sometimes that people I was once close to now mean nothing to me. The longest friendship I had was my dog. Now that she's gone I don't really feel like there's anyone I couldn't live without... everyone else is basically guaranteed to leave, or I'm guaranteed to split on them. 

Is this the case with anyone else? Do you have long term friendships or people that you still view positively even after knowing them for a long time?",4.774464285714284,6.060211327380955,5.252142857142856,82.34285714285716,69.6547619047619,7.980952380952381,28.285714285714285,8.344100000000001,1.9206214285714287,685,24,131,10,12,219,101,168,0.039,0.812,0.14800000000000002,0.9546,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,3,3,0,10,7,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,2,23,21,5,0,1,6,2,2,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,10,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,6,6,21,5,22,14,4,21,0,1,2,0,15,5,0,3,18,86,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780141974095791,0.2715950868549811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277733536965627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321474043496208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781131268746212,0.2626139148984922,0.1198852954587458,0.0,0.25328532217384736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402713307890965,0.18936574534700265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479208313782155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283764851157226,0.0,0.0,0.14033519455959753,0.0,0.0,0.0936132340001298,0.19424939543960995,0.0,0.1170306380984263,0.3518673266419321,0.11129583471017453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436922834598195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382234547636018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022189921548617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717069503291645,0.0,0.0,0.1411452142783521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756487844369529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490517324091107,0.0,0.0,0.14229275300109198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310802854392479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584244579449913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728209551192344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775879754150316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RatherSane,2019/10/23,"I may have BPD After years of believing there is something wrong with me, reading about bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder and stuff like that, It didn't feel like I could say for sure, that I'm messed up, until I found out about BPD.

A little about me.
I'm 25 years old and I've been thinking about the easy way out for about 6 years now. Every day.  I've never had a romantic relationship, because I'm scared of being disliked, rejected, and abandoned. I think that I still have one friend. Half of the friends I used to have, they just stopped contacting me. The other half I just blocked, deleted or whatever. It's weird.  I haven't spoke to my last and oldest friend for like 2 months now and I already know I'll end that friendship the next time he hits me up.

It really is weird. At work, I'm this super funny guy, who's like the team spirit. But outside work, I'm this insanely introverted guy, who could never  start a conversarion with a stranger. I even shop online to avoid shopping malls.
My emotions are the worst part. Either I feel like I'm the last person on earth, or I feel like I'm some fucking alien just trying to get home.

For me, drugs is the safe zone. Weed is the only remedy. MDMA gives me purpose.

I think I'm doomed.",2.7045087976539577,4.667158556451613,3.6991055718475065,88.61979472140764,76.33870967741936,6.767155425219943,23.772727272727273,7.686295010490155,1.0731064516129036,974,31,201,14,22,313,142,248,0.165,0.669,0.165,0.2656,0,2,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,4,13,23,1,2,13,0,16,3,0,1,3,37,39,9,0,2,7,0,3,6,3,1,2,2,1,3,13,9,0,5,8,5,2,0,4,11,0,3,5,5,22,12,26,29,4,29,2,3,0,1,16,7,1,4,27,115,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193300665744016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272325986814215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659183161208449,0.0,0.0,0.12183152875953955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272385418862141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267458318261947,0.0,0.0,0.06973836597740209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478649982593231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254026951535825,0.0,0.0,0.12163773338875455,0.09577583899190263,0.0,0.0,0.07142239013456411,0.0,0.09110871063968574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402947216203642,0.23175578363339075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856484860962542,0.2506353491892063,0.09996940443338484,0.05649626619809828,0.10373329754399614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414202893622056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846859004139783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059428369785606165,0.17628951367781007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31697686948203746,0.1083800460356108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631261836449904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166801322915469,0.0,0.11500318970230534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346987746694373,0.0,0.07327532332656918,0.0822418194618765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710006487757472,0.0,0.0,0.09441963159461476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816463008719426,0.0,0.06927428514211514,0.0,0.0,0.11609691575665453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599358417054617,0.10826236685555944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324788862588535,0.0,0.0,0.07653876941800962,0.0,0.08635704386707548,0.090406008894474,0.0,0.0,0.12378912419376742,0.0,0.0,0.10191630378215297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786633080938524,0.0,0.0,0.06305460216991267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341681608332068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339423784810147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583282113371342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744767030036555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822904857262542,0.0,0.2089068932061804
bpd,rundncc,2019/10/23,"Obsessive thinking How do you calm them down? Because once I start thinking about something, it’s ALL I can think about. I try to rationalize with myself, but that doesn’t help. Specifically, I’m obsessing over a person I like. I do this every single time I develop feelings for someone, and it usually scares them off. Idk how to shut it off, idk how to slow it down, idk how to do anything except think about it. I’m driving myself insane. Help me.",3.1723275862068974,5.403437540229888,4.384583333333335,82.99687500000002,75.89655172413794,7.108620689655173,26.96695402298851,8.07648339933343,1.8842195402298847,354,14,66,6,8,116,56,87,0.172,0.6990000000000001,0.129,-0.25,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,3,1,0,5,0,0,4,1,14,13,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,12,2,15,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759857853143026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463751292811213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023117410049118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141205766247674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32189520197984284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731066816214375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557203232073393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966381720068186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24040234759200005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345318310173613,0.18485636735100164,0.0,0.0,0.16995841107410098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6154376676256257,0.0,0.0,0.14001610003918194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302594753639515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644586282757517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lhollmann,2019/10/23,"DAE have a hard time getting ""officially"" diagnosed or recognised as having a real illness because you're ""too functional"" or seem too healthy to be taken seriously? I'm a high functioning person, always have been. Always in constant internal pain. Always invalidated.",7.405909090909091,10.64143231818182,8.545454545454547,53.38818181818184,66.72727272727272,10.763636363636362,40.54545454545455,10.686352973137794,6.0167,218,13,25,7,4,74,37,44,0.19899999999999998,0.742,0.059000000000000004,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,15,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6371049311921544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558327808930986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758084179848775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590488134227872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334494586895002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22863218435865085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696600694067306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715782447865492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228533230816219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905028351867072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234798170806376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882421581018052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cheesyspicyramen,2019/10/23,"I want to break up with my SO I want to break up with my boyfriend (who is also my FP).
I love him so much, but I know that he’s suffering because of my BPD. I split on him constantly, and I know it’s affecting him. I should have known better than to let myself get into a committed relationship. We’ve been together nearly a year and I love him so much but I keep hurting him and no matter what I can’t stop myself. I’ve tried to break up with him but I always immediately regret it and take it back because I can’t bear him crying and begging me not to leave. I don’t know what to do anymore....I can’t handle this relationship anymore but I can’t handle ending it either. I never should have gotten myself into this. I don’t know if this is the appropriate flair, but some advice/input is appreciated.",2.2325000000000017,3.783030583333337,4.612619047619049,83.36571428571429,76.5,7.180952380952381,22.119047619047624,7.957251820313856,1.0263404761904762,630,17,132,10,14,221,85,168,0.126,0.731,0.14300000000000002,-0.033,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,16,2,0,1,2,35,28,15,0,6,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,5,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,0,31,3,18,23,4,16,0,3,0,2,13,7,0,2,6,102,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861118774145675,0.1442236641468098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189585395344129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332793492155528,0.0,0.21131957403649104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532954693294399,0.0,0.0,0.21830188510191972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187307139044808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039383498992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351810156719306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055728066344687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855523450546689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540628337193264,0.0,0.0,0.3810284766909001,0.0,0.0,0.1835304492314476,0.0,0.1772407086360335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128724901778389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548336071828581,0.0,0.1336820575126681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721810906041719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491085645221874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032188306917358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767905503988375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446794237355864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161823269445018
bpd,sisirinah,2019/10/23,"my brother drowned and today would have been his birthday idk how to deal with my emotions today and still get on with my deadlines for school. i’m so distracted and keep getting overwhelmed by sadness. idk who to ask for help, people without borderline don’t even know how to deal w their emotions for stuff like this much less if u have bpd
idk i guess i just want sympathy from online strangers lol",6.088701298701298,7.019135272727276,5.127688311688313,85.72867532467534,66.40259740259741,7.718441558441559,33.581818181818186,7.554174236665415,2.2214384415584414,324,14,61,3,5,96,59,77,0.16399999999999998,0.685,0.151,-0.2769,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,15,13,7,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,1,12,11,2,4,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453884526610365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24861366406614274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070137279211417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44408842019233424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303783600597389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626278461218472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745422172853168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231054404333645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545485495689742,0.0,0.0,0.10848381549641564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096437835861825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510895492117148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368497037989846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997755413730532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576408985723304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259714772245383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742171241726229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164294213809066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028293888886794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022463094403348,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MVBees,2019/10/23,"Two Years Clean! It was two years ago that I had my last HUGE BPD relapse meltdown. At the time I’d been struggling with my best friend and wasn’t as invested in my hobby and altogether just not doing well. The usual cycle of just total chaos and emotions. 

The drowning self-loathing led to my usual coping of self-harm. More specifically I would cut my thighs with an exact-o knife. At the time I’d recently moved from cutting to pushing down to “pop” into the skin. I found something about it satisfying I’m not sure. Though my therapist was really worried about that transition at the time, also not sure on that one. 

On that particular night of cutting and “popping”, I just happened to push harder than usual and it made a very loud popping noise and it hurt differently and went deeper than I’d intended. It was a small scare for me—I tried reaching out for support from my best friend but we ended up fighting and so I was left with my feelings. 

Instead of the easy decision to continue what I was doing because of the fight—I decided I didn’t want to self-harm anymore. It was sort of a moment of realizing that even if everything was shit that I could control how I cope with things. That night I told myself would be the last time I ever cut myself. 

And that was two years ago this October! I made a decision and I stuck to it. My life may not be fantastic and I still struggle with my symptoms but I’ve never gone back on my decision. If there’s one thing I can be proud about it’s that. I may still have the scars but I know that’s something I’ll never do again. And I plan on covering them with a beautiful tattoo someday! 

To anyone struggling with self-harm, it’s possible to stop. We all find our reasons to end the cycle and I hope you find yours!",3.256036924880334,4.9880945099150145,4.400300869395334,85.19501416430597,74.15580736543909,7.475197811858942,26.336719742111946,8.216663640201805,1.6735986910227605,1394,50,279,23,29,456,181,353,0.13,0.767,0.10300000000000001,-0.7833,1,0,2,0,3,1,30.0,3,2,1,5,21,21,6,4,17,0,25,5,3,7,7,69,39,23,1,7,12,0,2,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,23,24,0,2,11,0,1,6,8,11,1,5,19,3,38,10,46,12,5,50,0,1,0,0,10,15,1,6,29,199,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356126507664947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692674827541739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590066424827862,0.06056453216490557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660302947908928,0.0,0.05280084237318065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179813061736164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109090920494135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714818924732853,0.06915652572014838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090496197750786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743232481115573,0.1534336820285197,0.0,0.0,0.057209628299628286,0.07834992134103412,0.0,0.0,0.07784566116198932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379609398347952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833250707274854,0.0,0.0,0.09497093146251047,0.13383996380637272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765950155222685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603009968930386,0.0,0.0,0.09272515494957208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047602368661729455,0.1412086256372566,0.0,0.0,0.09410948691653157,0.0,0.06118005959216179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391796076186047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206002918187754,0.0,0.0,0.1336085458061728,0.0,0.0,0.16256813711129256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738767081723313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764751088392484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548898736427112,0.08905657237652362,0.08552371342657153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867186011974024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361441159612544,0.0,0.08891097632779361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336380247266338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834469474857866,0.07241558501698428,0.0,0.2716522893809858,0.0,0.0,0.09829180203136008,0.16327075714110886,0.09002809697798965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056886657858384,0.11508880446294828,0.0,0.08510063881676948,0.0,0.20202798287344967,0.0,0.0,0.08276613488427498,0.0,0.05880717168881654,0.0,0.2538362995927488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861887483425745,0.07146799221021635,0.05108887638478095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787897189340771,0.08029470987121771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796363991606586,0.0,0.1230602841005972,0.0,0.0,0.16733528081373922
bpd,AriaLeGreat,2019/10/23,"I'm so sick of my masks It feels like I'm lying all the time. I've worn so many masks and personas dependent on my environment or crowd. 

At the end of the day when I take of my masks, I feel faceless. 

I don't know who I am anymore.",-0.3115094339622644,1.1553672830188688,2.347773584905664,97.10996226415094,83.71698113207547,5.749433962264153,20.033962264150947,6.742157984588678,-0.0487177358490567,178,5,47,2,5,62,37,53,0.174,0.778,0.047,-0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,7,9,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,5,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985829168175085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591962253111791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559695670351177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40643166238377054,0.28712184209226754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22087711561549067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635104945275295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074697661116379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021834156217098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435471482419554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,copingwithmylife,2019/10/23,"Don't know how to be less negative and more possitive  Hi, i never posted on this sub i normally read posts and i decided to post because i'm having a hard time seeing life in a better light and i sometimes feel suicidal if not often. I have never been diagnosed but i've been in therapy(short time period), i myself feel like i have something very similar to BPD because of stuff i've been reflecting in my life like extreme moods, extreme anger, devaluating and then loving people, not knowing what my identity is, copying others peoples that i consider better identities, self harming, depending on other people i didnt know much, being obsessed with people etc...but i had anger issues since i was a kid and they were never solved so i grew up in anger basically, i find it hard to not self diagnose myself as i don't have the possibility to pay for a therapist right now but i find people really listening to me making me feel better. I was in a couple of toxic relationships on the past and it took a tool on me and the recover was really hard, but i'm doing better than i was on the past and i can function day to day, i have a hobby with not always the energy to do it tho, i don't have friends to hang out, still i find it hard to function in a proper way without falling down the black hole. Do anyone here have a way to cope with negativity day to day to not fall hard and feel like trash all day every day? (sometimes i can feel possitive but the more things i realize about myself and people around me the more negative i feel)",4.618753501400558,5.592024395424839,6.32749766573296,75.65088235294121,69.75163398692811,9.619421101774043,28.296918767506998,9.842372674337009,2.7388918767507007,1219,42,228,29,21,421,151,306,0.166,0.74,0.094,-0.9629,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,4,9,15,3,1,17,0,28,5,0,3,4,50,44,20,1,2,11,0,11,3,1,0,4,1,0,3,11,15,0,0,15,1,1,5,16,5,0,0,11,15,34,9,38,31,6,43,0,0,2,1,9,16,0,3,20,168,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745609717661669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056685493507289415,0.0,0.0,0.07216880611511048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883810542364517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28679659851924505,0.0,0.0,0.1021038625137402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970156568250975,0.0,0.31369769621743504,0.0,0.0,0.16456713244114946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041362581895646,0.0,0.0,0.06830432630218576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594624402138676,0.11583175422393754,0.0,0.0,0.22228743410155105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263388924316822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631105511208421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461521805810705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336605929205696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452319523724908,0.11881899859702105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316814902110222,0.0,0.05411434334243869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959521508376155,0.0,0.187576773527926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943063688927451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477951444082375,0.3372191965608172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139338068595024,0.23292575027671275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109117268763953,0.0,0.10387005465175822,0.0,0.0,0.08703801821848782,0.0,0.06923268305333269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646016835894808,0.0,0.1691457836304081,0.0,0.0,0.06706130827785263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241105717276677,0.1603590911205195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474199515473725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280487751639696,0.0886765841473171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412762931865136,0.05385879693070958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945442448088426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007090212186675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689060847329911,0.0,0.1286979692938508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814784880790178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlueEyedChildofGod,2019/10/23,"Reading that BPD is not curable So I've made the mistake of doing research and finding a forum on here in another group for family/friends of BPD people and the posts are extremely horrific/triggering. A lot of people are talking about how awful BPD people are, how its not curable, how its best to stay away, and I'm seriously blubbering crying right now reading these posts. Some posts talked about how theres proof its actual brain damage from high cortisol levels from childhood trauma/ certain parts of the brain don't work properly/or smaller than they should be in a lot of patients with BPD, which my childhood definitely lines up with the cortisol levels being high ( I was pretty much terrified/anxious my entire childhood). 

​

And now I feel like im not repairable and will always be struggling with this. That my friends and family will feel the same way and my relationships with others will always be difficult/not function properly. And I'm scared.",7.786831168831168,8.882751485714289,7.336831168831169,70.79698701298702,62.71428571428571,10.24935064935065,36.480519480519476,10.230975488527342,4.053171428571428,790,36,122,17,11,248,106,175,0.10400000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,11,10,0,2,8,1,15,2,2,5,2,31,20,13,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,2,7,4,21,10,7,20,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,3,6,87,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.10523288915793053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794572486066603,0.11684082574643714,0.1310331766429923,0.0,0.11307599499497885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131596149785613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316777609209235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432652941913814,0.24076244284053155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845335500622595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016586750522287,0.0,0.10905077056182487,0.07703843234469095,0.0,0.0,0.0985606268208638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662845767201592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278704107230532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648194781555955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052683477261245774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335750823282165,0.0,0.1020375238071841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927225096533813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167764439471388,0.0,0.22428079790069191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098327358374859,0.10970851006455697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573140673569624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157760671564664,0.0,0.09209179995900256,0.0,0.0,0.10796317002821676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493938357206082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127341458542508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733498220499568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559561121016407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785062718140273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310331766429923,0.0
bpd,piccininew,2019/10/23,"Who else loves feeling numb ? I’m starting to finally feel numb and emotionless, it made me too tired to be over sensitive. And starting to see how “normal” people feel, or maybe not ?",2.6297058823529404,5.448301088235297,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,82.23529411764707,6.9294117647058835,26.14705882352941,8.07648339933343,2.0417882352941183,143,6,26,3,4,45,28,34,0.195,0.679,0.126,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,10,10,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,4,8,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23801210082455046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321887087550768,0.0,0.0,0.3121133118122584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571492642488121,0.2695959287684306,0.0,0.0,0.28623803176657503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791587611298002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975259942254844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227042444376698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403332297403175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274708761800138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dexidius,2019/10/23,"DAE freak out when they don't know something? I have been trying to make friends and one of the people I had been talking to all of a sudden blocked me for no reason. I tried asking to figure out what I did wrong to no response. Now I am just sitting here completely questioning myself and putting myself down because everything is my fault. I can't even keep track of my thoughts and my emotions are all over the place.

I feel scared that if I keep putting myself out there that I am just going to continue ending up in these situations of not knowing what I did wrong. I am honestly spiraling out of control because all I want is a friend, but there is something about me that pushes people to the point of wanting nothing to do with me but nobody will tell me what it is.

Maybe I would be better of just remaining alone? At this point I would rather be alone than go through this feeling again and again..",7.486008690254501,6.395213044692737,6.933147113594044,80.77962135319679,63.80446927374302,9.74326505276226,34.972687771570456,8.515128840125781,2.659249037864681,721,27,143,8,9,224,106,179,0.11900000000000001,0.807,0.073,-0.6392,0,2,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,14,9,0,1,5,0,22,0,0,3,3,37,35,8,0,6,8,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,4,8,0,0,5,5,5,0,1,6,2,25,4,28,24,3,25,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,2,7,116,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28021340893281704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646621223481905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492783095555474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964196580981393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183589716207873,0.0,0.1517252321523566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216899270742645,0.11981572279489595,0.0,0.0,0.08934952058666218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215787046919283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680074901020536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903013980101876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537626546403539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404817358926447,0.0,0.0,0.14868996513800853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029878944763188,0.0,0.13590444294692985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298024208457007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166754287733103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756878704814844,0.0,0.1413362072831548,0.0,0.2557619480572028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719825261375428,0.15154177271758498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908781237415355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354363884756125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520575909566459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082864749992477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873093961209264,0.11823850774595494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739523357468808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368910106998296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958036253562174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921945258944856,0.29580944545481075,0.0,0.0
bpd,sinn878,2019/10/23,"new meds do wonders for me hi, started taking piracetam, 1600 mg daily, I have no social anxiety and am able to express my thoughts and ideas in front of other people during our daily meetings at work and my heart does not pound that much s it used to and I don't sweat like hell when stressing out. I am so happy and I have hopes again my everyday life can be bearable. also taking quetiapine (25 mg), I feel so relieved",4.1296428571428585,5.25523172619048,5.181904761904762,82.84642857142858,71.02380952380952,7.028571428571429,28.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.557228571428571,331,12,63,3,6,109,66,84,0.092,0.7490000000000001,0.158,0.8427,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,0,0,8,3,2,1,0,13,16,9,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,10,4,7,14,1,9,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,2,6,41,13,1,0.22268726681846984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780829268200368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035514959427644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487512785585234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259737310713035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370547363811618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638854833772728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211787023019484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513868186507751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729060219876292,0.10879375019917774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473553521845697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370076383689305,0.0,0.0,0.2150727499454693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438331187014714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700162485264996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761919361918508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550875117588198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348662217503789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678881544478198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923302996668292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414948416618118,0.1621189824363934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AmorraTheExplorer,2019/10/23,"If my SO displays interest in someone that isn't like me I start splitting.. I have created this exact personality for him. I have morphed into what I believed he wanted. I've created this personality over 10 years. Then when he shows interest in something unrelated to me, nothing like me, I cannot handle it. I started splitting him and myself. How could you like that?? I thought this is what you liked?? That person's fake, superficial, plastic, nothing like me and nothing that represents your values and morals. You say that her and I are similar and that she likes me?? I'm offended!! Is that really how you see me? Or is that really how I act?? I despise that kind of person, maybe I despise me?? WTF AM I FEELING RIGHT NOW",1.3932733812949645,4.095953705035972,3.58956474820144,81.70592985611512,91.0863309352518,6.521007194244605,26.37446043165468,7.734863291789972,2.1930112230215824,571,27,103,13,20,194,81,139,0.16399999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.147,0.3871,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,5,0,0,6,13,3,0,0,0,10,0,0,3,1,16,17,13,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,4,15,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,30,9,7,15,0,12,1,0,1,0,16,5,0,2,12,76,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451482158115206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367190325252768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832010416314865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130041481089827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540463571805791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556139159303023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458808534961637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409970745426466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198460770127888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228039248510984,0.0,0.12317956732092282,0.0,0.0,0.1234321087026547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312429325359897,0.1192465577545865,0.0,0.0,0.2192724629662665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297017291283653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136171188105516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974798687485263
bpd,luvdisclover,2019/10/23,I feel incapable of making close friendships I feel absolutely terrified when i get close to people in real life and hide away. I also feel like im too boring to be friends with,3.6470476190476178,5.686534657142857,5.142857142857146,78.9704761904762,73.85714285714286,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,2.157952380952381,143,5,26,3,3,48,27,35,0.259,0.546,0.195,-0.4005,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,6,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26181656330870995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075970874509665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966201610268101,0.2338900708307121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529435022311036,0.0,0.1710496561800602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536412955962496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23124779923486785,0.15994798768890262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853778667378296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269735165960383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726456203810992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,45639911,2019/10/23,"Just so tired I live in a hellhole of a country where there's nothing exciting, no fun, no life quality whatsoever, no mental health support, there isn't even a suicide line that I can call. I'm an artist and people don't get like art. I can't earn well. It's also because I am full of social anxiety and can't put myself out there. I don't have that thick skin and confidence that is required to be successful. I've seen less talented people go way further than me. I can't get a full time job, I'm pretty sure I can't handle it. I am really depressed as it is. I didn't graduate from university anyways. I made bad choices. I wanted to be an artist. My boyfriend's family hates my ass. His mom ugh. Always tries her best to make me feel like shit. She told me several times to graduate and once even offered to pay my fees. That was fucking degrading. She's so worried that I won't fit into her perfect fake family portrait.  I don't wanna be in one anyways. My dad refuses to see me ever since I was like 6. Has 2 kids on his own and his own family. Takes pictures with them to post on his facebook. Me? I'm the unwanted child. Nobody knows about me. Had to wear the same outfits for years as a child. I'm 25 and still wear stuff from my high school years. Never had anything that I wanted, we were always poor. Sexually abused by a pedo at 12. Kicked out by my mom at 17. I was all alone all the time.  Fucking therapists can't help me. All they can say is I'm delusional for thinking that I am unwanted.  I AM UNWANTED. I was raised like a fucking mushroom. At least mushrooms have other mushrooms to befriend. I didn't even have that. I was provided the bare minimum and left alone on the soil to grow as much as I could by myself. Well I did grow but it's not enough. And how is that my fault now? Now my mom has another kid from another guy that I took care of all my teenage years. Now she's going to ballet classes and violin classes, she's doing everything that I wanted to do. I hate, hate, hate my life so much, I can't fucking stand it. 

I often look at houses and I can see their lights on, I imagine a family in there, all happy and deeply caring about one another. It warms my heart in the most heartbreaking way. I'm happy for all those children who are getting the love and attention they need, but I'm ashamed and sad that I could not and cannot have that. Everybody else has mothers that weren't alcoholics, dads who were happy to be there for their kids' birthdays, first days at school, graduations. I was always broken at these events. I always think that I should act like the fucking adult that I am and let go of the past, but shit at times like this I remember it all and relive every single moment. The cold and the hunger and the emotional hunger. The only thing keeping me going is my boyfriend. But everything else is in deep shit. I often wish that I hadn't met him so I could just kill myself without worrying about him being sad. It's so hard to hold on. I just want to go away to a foreign country and at least have some ways to distract myself and have a better life quality but it's so damn expensive and I'm already 25 with no assets, no money, nothing. I used to feel hopeful and try, but I'm feeling so down and hopeless for a while now. I cry every day while my boyfriend is at work. I do chores and cry and think about death. I fear it but it can't be worse than what I'm going through. Is there an end to my pain? Is there a cure for being me? 

I'm not going to commit suicide. I just have been thinking about it so much for a while. I'm numb enough not to try it. I just... I don't know. I don't know what I want. I feel trapped.",1.1034633867661403,3.198942157273919,2.932470511140238,91.46113275867866,82.21100917431194,6.114655375205834,21.839718385589947,7.321109707123232,0.7281474409382667,2858,92,621,42,78,951,310,763,0.19899999999999998,0.688,0.113,-0.9967,1,3,1,0,2,6,89.0,1,0,5,8,43,54,14,3,29,0,74,24,8,4,12,103,140,49,4,16,17,6,8,6,0,2,8,1,1,8,40,31,3,4,14,4,5,12,30,29,2,3,21,15,95,25,78,106,24,74,0,5,4,7,43,33,10,5,30,426,135,13,0.0,0.06752602933854128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060906961152773186,0.0,0.11805274881683962,0.06289192968828597,0.04557636621781011,0.18968715704795885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792827889720363,0.043598613430498666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689944101973725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354572425834997,0.0,0.04758581875461487,0.034741706106880835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980943618332134,0.050404664757085965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058195056492317314,0.0,0.11621398989150028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651007733710194,0.0,0.1252057541747561,0.07351006390149115,0.0,0.04908700159352436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521876439714487,0.06410816649430326,0.0504778678553716,0.11777564313923855,0.0,0.11292774907768115,0.051552396105522015,0.09603619252100032,0.0,0.10244120965613096,0.0,0.2149073967158086,0.06413168206730625,0.1152671781294327,0.040714992925489434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048477243136822994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634402600741109,0.08932767667148105,0.0,0.2267284938354641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643089714848432,0.0,0.1820066696774211,0.05105350814759712,0.22507063281125525,0.0,0.06057967729073371,0.0,0.06753562312079672,0.03820043937560196,0.06021502435957116,0.0,0.05660577190468435,0.0,0.06576094932358045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565556225528135,0.05065697974713717,0.0630530440165098,0.0,0.09396369987899368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619218177091847,0.058278033520406974,0.12076509887455633,0.16706005083679198,0.0,0.050324852507104834,0.0,0.047858804817710085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143737465990463,0.05392707163816349,0.03804250606608831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743438567248616,0.0,0.0,0.200244516913716,0.0,0.0,0.1256867139819385,0.04225873867966555,0.04395563236433805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937044477831633,0.0,0.0,0.06069446604800911,0.07723831243599757,0.04334487422587768,0.06064335243007792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054405174795898084,0.07902195325914359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054582443523193074,0.05798120594093641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729255598967969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365104419651668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456066233373745,0.0,0.0,0.04532221094442823,0.0,0.11535760074344165,0.09083026007653623,0.0,0.0,0.06438457457891328,0.17550396189275644,0.047144251771032514,0.0,0.0,0.058096019484099475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551376938677933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524203931550487,0.12467967943348138,0.06467368218776245,0.053714149296654766,0.0,0.042850782579210434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617193683163584,0.03786285635922866,0.14607231898452955,0.0,0.0,0.13292963693170987,0.06550375400639094,0.0,0.05445816022080118,0.06332004841426105,0.11608118643354196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049222664569382533,0.0,0.0,0.16807636478091156,0.1357124463260814,0.0,0.0,0.10248504500379317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553782114090856,0.0549381149007652,0.0,0.04149074954190639,0.1157559913327331,0.05807956966039319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010265908742747
bpd,strugglebugstruggles,2019/10/23,"Don’t you love it when Someone tells you to chill, downplays your emotions and your mental illness, but then they go on to do something unreasonable or otherwise harmful.

And by “love” obviously I mean “get enraged by”

Everyone has their issues. Don’t act like you know everything about me and how I should be able to “control” my feelings, but then refuse to control your own behavior or even attempt to. At least I’m fucking trying, bozo.",6.9637037037037,7.706993518518523,6.898370370370369,74.45866666666669,64.4320987654321,9.442962962962962,38.42222222222222,9.3871,3.767343703703704,349,18,59,6,5,111,60,81,0.091,0.779,0.13,0.6652,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,6,2,3,4,6,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,1,16,15,11,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,12,3,10,13,2,7,0,0,0,3,12,2,1,2,4,43,13,0,0.2193356848908484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920072421938561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246723123726112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448691512662946,0.0,0.0,0.20958464633748508,0.19712477073328966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109027125807558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277230635344934,0.11459384260892035,0.0,0.124653524316311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289294698261027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054115629230215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715633656428424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39591803810173704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892086130549936,0.0,0.0,0.22103878206632596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858424140368155,0.16885532600100842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917090562062476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891453246840047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cherriesandweed,2019/10/23,"I have a therapist appt today I took a head to toe shower, applied body lotion and deodorant stick and antiperspirant spray. Put on fresh clean clothes. I'm not doing makeup, maybe a little rosy vaseline lip therapy. I'm really trying to make the best impression I can. Anyone else do this for appts?",3.4223809523809554,6.228491714285713,4.696428571428573,78.01523809523812,78.28571428571429,8.019047619047619,23.619047619047624,8.841846274778883,2.2758904761904764,240,8,40,6,6,79,47,56,0.0,0.799,0.201,0.8779,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,4,4,4,1,0,4,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820307124915756,0.26674166803389376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732031608517128,0.0,0.0,0.28917099847092576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174746082370601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671765084595805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609218083042991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377413276592807,0.0,0.26153923941400786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617063190777767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677582644991035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29771318891817344,0.3022663889803425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467650079766165,0.0,0.28923926517273746,0.17674884919415898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FreyaAlinaCeleste,2019/10/23,"I bought a glass bowl to put plants in and dropped it two minutes out of the shop, it’s just not my week 🙃 Title says it all really...

It’s not the biggest deal going but it’s really upset me and just thrown me over the edge. I’m fully just gonna cry, over a bowl... 🙄😭",-1.4280414746543784,0.3001394677419356,1.5675115207373267,99.59983870967743,89.80645161290323,4.833179723502305,13.695852534562215,6.1826913282559595,-0.9903760368663596,205,3,54,2,7,72,44,62,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.855,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,6,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017758883161732,0.0,0.3770878521760038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078727876314852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676950429056027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686370957966254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29087116135628843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572994447468309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933947743436402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Foxytenjaffa,2019/10/23,"DAE constantly fall in love with more than one person then self destruct? I have a very supportive, loving and trusting partner. He has stuck by me by all my  bullshit. I love him immensely and I would never wish to leave him for someone else. However, I have a long standing friend who was basically a childhood sweetheart. We've always kept in touch, but recently we started to hang out again. Over our last visit when we got quite drunk we kissed and confessed we were still very much in love with each other. Of course I told my partner about the kiss as soon as I got home and we talked he said things will be okay. However we've all agreed for me not to see the friend alone anymore (fair enough).

Unfortunately now it's being taken from me, I realise the explosive heartbreak this is causing. I've already started SH and S behaviours which had been under controll. I've also started take extra doses of my medications and started drinking a lot to get rid of this feeling of my heart tearing itself apart. I'm spiralling out of control fast. This isn't the first time this has happened as I think I have the capacity for loving multiple people at once. I'm wondering how this fits in with my BPD and would appreciate other peoples experiences and advice.   


Afternote: I have done much worse in the past, but this relationship is something I really treasure. Also I am older and have a better grip on my mental health than I did.",5.179705882352942,6.753622264705888,5.678705882352944,78.57217647058825,69.0,8.234117647058824,30.879411764705885,8.697196308434329,2.5512361764705886,1144,47,203,19,20,368,171,272,0.087,0.72,0.193,0.985,2,1,2,0,0,0,25.0,6,0,0,5,9,17,1,0,11,1,22,13,1,4,3,39,49,19,0,3,3,0,3,0,5,3,3,1,1,4,13,20,2,3,4,2,0,3,3,2,0,2,13,5,30,15,35,31,9,38,1,1,1,7,29,13,0,2,21,144,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001892397658866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618815583218502,0.1131422706757659,0.16398331514365208,0.08531156450759228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168029164901128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067774278087797,0.0,0.0,0.1291305103304254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053245667381802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079641589945807,0.22998788897117645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492180880163056,0.0,0.1004384721242534,0.0,0.0,0.08564904327335608,0.0,0.0,0.10593889995995844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029212242762243,0.0,0.0,0.051841270941242384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721032081200278,0.0,0.0,0.1584258593716032,0.0,0.05356668294800549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400212146259835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066523041841176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089825400405128,0.0,0.12149625221012905,0.0,0.0,0.102844010119032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357405826719218,0.0,0.10856241831977036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073411229886484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716569552362566,0.4626779139602132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328624029015918,0.10332417596439407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073985151114136,0.0,0.07907596537965171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918904444752588,0.06947567116708052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787464056880996,0.14216010335963675,0.08952355279482985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905121893132202,0.0,0.0,0.06568210464822398,0.0,0.1012340963858672,0.1100767731405824,0.0,0.0,0.09752766973520342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170159448171442,0.0,0.10695913368358144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687169785357331,0.07893111450016105,0.0,0.0,0.2902795721238675,0.0,0.08187904618217666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634763461629287,0.0,0.0,0.07708834607675323,0.08240817599187059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811509145904605,0.06569584497843252,0.0,0.0,0.05978493996408609,0.0,0.0,0.0979699610863385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919278459827944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790221632213198,0.0,0.11118731433983699,0.0,0.0,0.10448485876991853,0.14566599324067106,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,korie59,2019/10/23,I saw myself getting obsessed with guy I talked on tinder. I asked myself Why did I like him ? Because he called me babe 😔 that's it . This is the only reason.,-1.2672727272727258,0.5573215151515178,1.2156060606060601,96.14340909090907,106.57575757575758,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.253581818181818,122,3,25,0,6,41,29,33,0.057999999999999996,0.856,0.086,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,8,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,16,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35651469114164963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324699762676732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894052687005337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924182587138134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776006071927897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631039560841384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900370480256685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920956245456893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30651805465139004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34411284306062623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tossthiswestcoasts,2019/10/23,"Feel like giving up on dating and resign myself to being forever alone I’m so fucking tired of guys being afraid to commit. Like it starts out great, we vibe really well. We get physically affectionate and everything. Then once we have sex comes the “I’m not emotionally ready for a relationship. I don’t want to lead you on or anything, but I’m still open to a physical relationship. Like UUUUGH WHAT HAPPENED TO REAL DATING?!!!! And this isn’t just the guy I’m seeing now, it’s every guy I’ve met with! Like is it me?? Do they sense my bpd?? Am I just a good fuck but not worth being in a relationship with???? I’m just so tired of being disappointed and feeling used!",1.8412781954887232,4.206264819548878,4.173646616541357,82.06016917293233,81.25563909774436,7.409022556390978,20.026315789473685,8.418075326091056,1.2675353383458647,523,14,104,12,14,181,85,133,0.152,0.6579999999999999,0.19,-0.539,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,1,1,1,8,13,2,1,6,0,10,5,0,2,1,27,28,10,0,1,8,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,12,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,5,1,0,1,3,10,8,15,23,0,14,0,2,1,3,13,6,2,1,10,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457086919764109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115772928185065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718960845527604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211888850036506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825327539613268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185343681945139,0.0,0.12643987381128155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227055211657905,0.1005063994266882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601246381403951,0.07350284261649549,0.1349592239729836,0.0,0.11800108590082806,0.0,0.1551072637105074,0.0,0.4179049938084016,0.12440852775411497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27492909435717594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498264351604929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013193477433751,0.0901273167383674,0.0,0.0,0.4531336618175925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210885405271848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957856511907988,0.0,0.11235234877169832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233966650153711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150788764988553,0.0,0.0,0.08298048968727892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649397836398535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElloMeter432,2019/10/23,"How should I talk to my doctor about borderline? So I (19 M) recently realised that I might have BPD, I've felt weird and different my entire life and these symptoms sum it up pretty well and Im going to see my doctor soon to tell him that.

Now here me out, Im suffering I really am and I want to get help ASAP, Im really scared that Im not gonna get diagnosed correctly or something, that they will brush it off as a ""difficult phase"" or something, how do I convince my doctor that I seriously need help and I cant go on like this? What things are important to mention? 

tbh I just want to know what your first talk with your doctor about your symptoms was like and stuff because Im kind of insecure and dont know what to expect...",1.7540319548872176,3.639542730263159,3.704812030075189,87.83868421052631,78.9342105263158,7.50075187969925,22.69924812030075,8.418075326091056,1.3577484962406023,573,18,123,12,14,194,92,152,0.13,0.7559999999999999,0.114,-0.5297,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,1,1,10,11,0,2,1,0,10,8,0,2,1,25,22,13,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,4,8,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,1,1,2,3,19,5,16,16,0,10,0,1,1,0,11,4,0,3,6,79,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735372939132991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391583923241572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112145108990491,0.0,0.1154386206790274,0.0,0.4523651294569796,0.0,0.0,0.12949355501633955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608780735293402,0.0,0.0,0.09398280861136524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545301667449442,0.0,0.12558812143633674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811834792561376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5967412520590495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505841933002273,0.12144492069152996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804241358105586,0.10795974749145038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721251802799194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192699692676846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124081368576006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156555354618322,0.0,0.1090956278682558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061984876989864,0.0,0.08804629137841151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012132872533656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264847111272034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296830053814405,0.0,0.1776154877116273,0.09657320305754613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340470192674838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303398279371185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934385442395724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rollinthroughdacrap,2019/10/23,"BPD is something that makes me struggle too much and feel too much (from the perspective of my brain)
TW: suicide mentions
Includes swearing

Oh, you have friends? Some people didn’t leave you even after you didn’t pay attention to them and destroyed whatever you could?

Why not ignore them JUST BECAUSE?
Why not to hate them and then love endlessly the next second?
You don’t deserve those people. You’re a trash person.
Let’s try to push away everyone you know because you’re not good enough for them! That seems so fun!

Oh, your crush isn’t interested in you and treats you like every other person he knows? LET’S BE ANGRY AT HIM, AND THEN SHAKE AND CRY JUST BECAUSE HE DIDN’T LIKE YOU BACK.

Oh, minor inconvenience? Why not to commit suicide? Maybe right fucking now?

Panic attack, anger, anxiety, indifference? ALL OF THAT SPECTRE IN ONE HOUR, CAUSE IT’S SO FUN.

From egoistic behaviour to the lowest self-esteem ever in just 2 days? YES, TAKE TWO OF THAT

Emptiness? YES, YES, YES

(from my own perspective)

I’m so fucking tired. This rollercoaster keeps getting more extreme.
I don’t pay attention to the lights when I cross the road so that the car could hit me.
I lost my personality due to BPD. I keep losing my friends and I’m really afraid to lose them.
I want to be alone often, but I don’t want to feel loneliness when no one messages you without you messaging them.

Therapy, doctor - nothing really helps.

I want to leave. Maybe will do that soon.
I’m giving up.",1.3723139534883693,4.056816792857145,2.4581063122923617,89.0371262458472,93.57142857142857,5.461794019933556,21.154485049833887,7.025160622230231,0.9608156146179408,1162,41,217,20,43,368,160,280,0.201,0.6759999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.9441,1,1,1,0,1,3,47.0,0,12,6,3,18,24,6,4,7,4,17,6,1,2,3,38,40,16,2,5,9,0,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,3,10,7,0,3,7,0,2,4,13,14,0,4,4,3,32,10,26,28,7,25,0,3,0,3,32,8,2,3,15,135,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009992142047688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746009854244024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094077689731996,0.09162134941066513,0.07498530482503814,0.0,0.1783381608015954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456409563010937,0.10886231337262887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017782485859596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572033891923873,0.0,0.10711891855382172,0.06289102765164828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981378156683292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007621383554566,0.0,0.06440970404088915,0.0882105931325504,0.08216310146990267,0.09318260598695584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861603843495728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068429412724907,0.1803075965552764,0.050949118033978925,0.09354812939480273,0.0,0.08179345233036947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627881299814442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536424433790655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603556376441144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335691713153656,0.0,0.0,0.10718665959824847,0.0,0.0,0.2065149141453092,0.0,0.19943747688899788,0.0,0.09528471539844333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819534407926505,0.10645239145901647,0.0,0.08801378152518878,0.0,0.06509400683276577,0.0,0.19593983024370834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337386719502962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037114747704169,0.0,0.0,0.09357112892792127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216140989044725,0.0,0.0,0.11441633449225065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521337307413886,0.25544680800520386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494502620932295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327981945943819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877670366775735,0.10173251780675786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507410292934606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194696289827698,0.0,0.2133376778819712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332138238092932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152030538254992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120825689941791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620830507970699,0.0,0.09526089353336843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255588817101394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398441865447,0.0,0.0,0.09400384981255244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a-walking-paradox-,2019/10/23,"I have a new hobby! And it's playing Hollow Knight on Nintendo Switch. I haven't found something that I genuinely enjoy in YEARS. I've tried so many things like painting, drawing, puzzles, I started reading again recently but other than reading and watching movies I would do absolutely nothing but wait around for my partner to pay attention to me. I felt so lost, bored and restless. I know it's not much but it's something I've been getting a lot of joy out of and it challenges me. I'm actually terrible at the game  lol and I've never been a huge gamer, mostly any kind of Mario game or like Animal Crossings on, so I'm really surprised I'm still playing the game after a couple of months because I usually don't do things unless I'm really good at it.",3.2488843606724416,5.210290139072853,4.803576158940399,81.31160978094753,74.76158940397352,7.560061130922057,29.49617931737137,8.384062270229773,2.3704035659704537,605,27,112,11,13,203,94,151,0.113,0.701,0.185,0.8872,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,14,0,1,6,1,8,0,0,0,1,23,19,13,0,1,6,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,4,8,1,1,4,4,0,0,5,2,11,10,17,13,3,19,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,4,12,70,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.17728245512469054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235409526187256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172366807755975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074355954741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010129724376614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744304512461954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919036384604502,0.0,0.0,0.09491440297785372,0.0,0.0,0.15237509489873827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918000573470026,0.0998403720764435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750831072142229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831285743079724,0.1544482408739919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418355810706813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500623125776624,0.0,0.13354740506368262,0.0,0.14011410882380446,0.1754567723565782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431602706516636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634357446578307,0.0,0.2327632552893482,0.0,0.1793759346419424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797148972778926,0.0,0.0,0.1285860481203717,0.0,0.14508086663347847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413852373831925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233411291756805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000824183187203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905223939322866,0.0,0.0,0.11698869312352478
bpd,LunarXmoon,2019/10/23,Why? Living life is hard. Its hard to be happy when the guilt of what has been done to you weighs you down. I see people time-to-time that have hurt me and they have no struggles or cares in the world. Why are they happy when I am not after the pain they put me through?,1.2610344827586208,2.7349306206896564,1.954689655172416,101.70927586206898,79.0,4.64,15.048275862068966,3.1291,-1.4199627586206902,208,2,52,0,5,64,43,58,0.184,0.624,0.191,0.5365,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,3,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,9,3,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,3,9,3,7,8,0,7,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683757281729414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276786849693832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736773512922797,0.3986044669087087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381740459039977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571472415401998,0.0,0.0,0.1964577140111579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367389827263601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424260102695966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365817322563825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729118287188225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325888980760395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973238516819302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40151495312552543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toonio,2019/10/23,Does anyone remember what’s it like to feel normal? I keep going back and forth between emotional storms and complete apathy/dissociation.,7.870000000000001,11.025644043478264,8.390652173913043,55.38858695652178,65.08695652173913,11.556521739130435,33.23913043478261,11.20814326018867,5.242147826086957,115,5,14,4,2,38,22,23,0.0,0.8140000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24627198348567805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708261682152461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692833279449712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082195450293926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961865307822538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808691900515547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016789104650015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130586033482736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207101058702362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450890040101142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989829413898597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,norwegian_twat,2019/10/23,"deleted ig and regret it deleted ig last week cause i was just sick of everyones bs and the anxiety that came with it. yet i never posted anything myself, i was a ghost  following nearly a thousand people. some people i only knew through ig, yet now ill never see/talk to them ever again, i remember no usernames. i disliked yet liked seeing updates on ppl etc, now i just feel kinda left out. just ended up isolating myself even more, by my stupid spontaneousness.  my old username is also already taken and of the usernames i do remember, its just awkward following again. just glad i didnt delete snap aswell. id loose all contact i have with anyone, or any view/insight of the outside. idk i just rly regret it. feels a lot like the time my computer broke and i lost all pictures and memories of a full year. just kind of empty without. idk my fault and stupidness but fnjshsldnglsjsc

hope this isnt too out of it for bpd sub, but one of the posts here about deleting social media is kinda what made me actually do it. had been thinking of it for quite a while, but just never did until that post. now i kinda regret it. shouldve just unfollowed people and whatnot",3.8125192982456153,5.821170013333332,4.814198830409357,81.63926315789476,73.3111111111111,7.047953216374268,26.953216374269005,7.85451343220497,1.7849111111111116,923,34,165,13,19,301,140,225,0.147,0.8029999999999999,0.05,-0.91,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,23,14,2,1,10,0,12,2,0,2,6,49,24,14,1,4,14,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,9,0,2,11,3,21,5,23,13,7,34,0,5,1,0,3,7,0,7,23,125,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.1313787916908074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856679773528442,0.10766301519051356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915525513676112,0.0,0.10299105807647352,0.0,0.0,0.09413594788217797,0.0,0.1107884557273329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956091030461812,0.0,0.0,0.1539800715954803,0.0,0.1383013926597753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192416136847238,0.0,0.1501472747491832,0.0889213933545949,0.1217799237984724,0.0,0.12864408064213714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614525443526054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371728784431386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019571506951353,0.0,0.10974086109762234,0.0,0.0,0.14627514551704185,0.0,0.0,0.1315461666031999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696380173483328,0.114457029887837,0.0,0.12738951379346006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115032838950457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127081982450887,0.0,0.09122830860785984,0.10239166128141126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28000504845421226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868130086165024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319484918403833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501754072840465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456426832372175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372376331700783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820994435760717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626502945949753,0.0,0.0,0.07850343669267511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799151640505786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977785615536644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669686536800879
bpd,Frikibuoi,2019/10/23,"Best way to get revenge on a BPD? She poisoned my tea and I almost died because of it. I have no proof since when I woke up at the hospital they couldn't detect whatever she used with the limited tests they had (covered only major schedule A street drugs).

I have a few ideas but want to hear what you say.",2.738095238095241,4.1571005873015885,3.9335238095238085,89.30314285714289,74.87301587301587,6.944761904761903,25.29841269841269,7.554174236665415,1.1529898412698407,239,8,51,3,5,78,53,63,0.154,0.78,0.066,-0.5351,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,2,1,2,1,0,5,0,4,3,0,1,1,10,9,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,10,1,7,6,3,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785793744289683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958951385536758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919561052957095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503860041072382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288730020580404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226262950689028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534919705191215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31355416307408185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31405648556930343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158535293212796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123760120674388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301317820813916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24027742705860086,0.0,0.0,0.16409089931324244,0.22082400257639664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scorpioreos,2019/10/23,"An official diagnosis So I'm a 16 year old girl, and since I was about 12, I've had symptoms consistent with a bpd diagnosis. However, due to my age my psychiatrist is unwilling to give me an official diagnosis. Instead, my doctor's just say that I have borderline tendencies. I'm not sure if this is normal, but it really makes me mad. How is it that they can recognize my symptoms, attempt to find ways to treat me, but they can't actually give my illness a name? I feel like recovery would be much easier if I could name my issues because a name gives something less power. And I feel like I shouldn't want to be diagnosed with bpd, but I can recognize it in me and so can my doctor's. It feels as if my problems aren't significant enough to warrant an actual diagnosis, and if my problems aren't significant, I feel stupid for even having them.",6.743333333333332,6.133567142857146,8.266190476190477,69.04547619047622,65.07142857142857,12.704761904761904,35.92857142857143,12.06081838636515,4.488507142857143,672,29,130,22,9,236,95,168,0.127,0.773,0.1,-0.3657,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,2,7,8,2,0,7,0,18,6,0,2,1,33,29,15,0,11,9,0,4,2,0,2,6,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,5,24,4,12,22,3,6,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,4,6,89,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.2724474060032605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509526650293261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35162775953036185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114545284141542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416850710834533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857609489158475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423801913549136,0.0,0.09220058521572652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823318812204908,0.1994521030717797,0.0,0.0,0.12758647665322642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017341363917057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456999706741814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639725026951302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318014441127456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261772396618747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367725774511554,0.0,0.0,0.14648052364388772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26714539846951985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942755371908424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101082966257668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547368042880335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746635662597033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131565785379546,0.2901834349894826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233621578557465,0.11080329745805212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916364210115264,0.0,0.0,0.0898940223689872
bpd,jessahugs,2019/10/23,"DAE feel bad all day and ruin your relationship because they didn't do what you needed Two nights ago I started feeling crappy for no reason. The same everyone hates me self pity kind of thing. Yesterday it got worse... Thinking my boyfriend is hiding stuff and talking to others behind my back. Hating my room mates and thinking they hate me too. It just kept getting worse. And my boyfriend got home from work early so I'm texting him trying to explain this feeling and what I need from him to kind of snap me out of it and he didn't reply. Ugh it made me so upset. He replied to my other messages but would not reply when I said omg im in such a bad mood today. 

Then I got home and he made a surprise dinner which was amazing I was so happy. And after that I felt like he was ignoring me. He was on his phone all night and so was I but only because when I'm like lets do something he said later so yeah that boiled inside me like he's too busy when he gets home early to text me but when I get home he's on his phone all night. 

So that made me mad I blew up and said he doesn't care about me and we should just break up. Which isn't what I want to do. We've been together for almost 8 years and I just feel like if he hasn't figured out how to help me then he doesn't really love me. And I know that's not fair to him at all. 

Idk I'm probably the only one like this lmao",0.22688762626262715,2.2540349326599376,2.014872685185185,97.14786458333336,85.1952861952862,4.6552609427609415,17.698758417508415,5.800992412223965,-0.5278888047138048,1073,25,250,7,32,352,152,297,0.147,0.7090000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.7017,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,2,2,1,19,24,4,1,4,1,19,3,0,5,4,53,53,30,0,6,9,0,5,5,1,2,0,3,5,1,19,16,2,2,11,0,0,0,9,11,0,2,19,8,38,12,26,31,5,30,0,2,0,1,35,9,0,2,25,153,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443553492789882,0.0,0.09538155277621968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324324163490696,0.15906360623700574,0.11612999849142555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711620400321608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142993944887184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910177819827175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264996919121813,0.06804835739024095,0.0914572735555216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929639501853756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854621718433224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139798647214428,0.0,0.28212617316948513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384569821373602,0.0,0.38218382808147294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288897337629736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838150290964185,0.052348246281794325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740206661105358,0.0,0.23267763764931704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596903996713241,0.2703904665211554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412569447229058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26816386825881744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454551396438286,0.1448875355452177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269823357095596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061021147857450025,0.09793536571483133,0.0,0.10226546614876304,0.0,0.0,0.27182063000162954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936906172794306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332997677622195,0.0,0.0,0.06742016255963107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904124719693192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656029779792799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632814841958413,0.12206782628295225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028816920483647,0.0,0.0,0.06467014968473392,0.0,0.09304778662567907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618235307271145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934490590194994,0.0,0.19414073437539828,0.06766459569883508,0.0,0.0,0.061339444079059835
bpd,emms3,2019/10/23,"DAE have BPD and social anxiety? I feel so lonely most of the time because I’m really bad at making friends and I don’t have a really great self esteem so I think no one will like me. The only person I can get close to is the person I’m dating. So if I don’t have that person, I’m alone most of the time. And I avoid making friends because I’m scared",0.6868131868131897,2.1987884871794883,3.278791208791212,91.40192307692308,80.7948717948718,5.995604395604397,17.553113553113555,6.868970318607317,-0.07742710622710636,274,5,63,3,7,96,46,78,0.21,0.636,0.154,-0.4159,0,4,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,5,0,8,0,0,2,0,12,17,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,7,4,4,16,2,5,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303232379767455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499656363425223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368037946417158,0.23900127338906005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24689822871581946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912078823987916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30291109329267585,0.0,0.10241978525603553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612841184616025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577241437999512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617087187582124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283785610466425,0.14909285259340851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135085400847222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25116907312574344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626444561445686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450643758690856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983219293863907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561080814796638,0.0,0.0,0.2286182520806868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bruisecore,2019/10/23,"anyone on meds? i’m in a mental hospital (outpatient, hence why i have my phone rn lol they haven’t picked me up yet from home) and they suggested zoloft, 25 mg. it’s making me SUPER happy and jittery and honestly it’s a good feeling but can kind of be annoying? and i feel a bit drained after a while from all of my energy. this is my second day taking them so i’m just going to see how this all plays out. i also feel kind of nauseous and a little shakey so maybe that’s a side effect,, then again it could just be me. just wanna know if any of you guys are on meds and how does it help you?",-0.273567708333335,1.8167148203125016,2.119250000000001,95.06741666666667,88.296875,5.288333333333334,15.564583333333333,6.742157984588678,-0.3372110416666665,459,9,106,6,15,156,86,128,0.052000000000000005,0.7829999999999999,0.165,0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,3,2,10,8,1,0,6,1,8,1,0,5,2,25,18,15,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,7,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,4,14,7,14,15,3,14,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,1,6,72,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551632609604443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319449617337006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566813655696475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182714839013364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491471063724285,0.0,0.0,0.12513131448277687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979426864852848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943175277752082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026997221710164,0.162740578240738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192117159552326,0.0,0.20654526843098264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300521571929075,0.0,0.1946248246821795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40409836719460096,0.10663212314511504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944659504717156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295144783617058,0.0,0.1949261240707744,0.0,0.43104034447684797,0.0,0.19553350369385747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546143376153277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458840998407433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507911988216004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BudThatsZestyLethal,2019/10/23,"Should I ask about a diagnosis again? I was diagnosed at 14 after a Suicide attempt, but once I started an outpatient treatment they decided to rule the diagnosis due to my age. I definitely had severe symptoms but I believe a lot of it was how I was coping with being in an abusive relationship so I developed many problems because I didn't have anyone to turn too and to an extent I was too young to understand what was happening to me. However, I am nearly 18 now and I still have many symptoms but I am Able to conceal them very well. My therapist has told me she disagrees with some of what is in my ""chart"" I have no idea what any of it is or even my official diagnosis is I don't even know what im taking my meds for because my then psychiatrist never told me. But she believes a lot of it is flawed because none of the professionals I saw knew about the trauma I was facing during that time period. Should I mention it when I see my therapist next?",3.5401562500000026,5.070227286458337,5.565541666666667,77.95862500000003,73.01041666666666,8.870000000000003,29.9875,9.3871,2.82187875,757,33,146,18,15,263,111,192,0.135,0.83,0.035,-0.9641,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,1,13,3,0,0,10,0,22,4,1,1,1,22,34,11,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,12,2,32,1,22,19,5,18,0,0,2,0,9,4,0,4,14,120,41,1,0.1355940936577156,0.16065682847411547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922086334068427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481054300518596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676217371278814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797070286460265,0.0,0.0,0.3055362211436381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762515082933272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911724008513422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199054092151468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306922716975574,0.14646488921362627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451896778238168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305544990742288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749422572687581,0.0,0.0,0.15061447055341892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457852413955204,0.0,0.14420585688643436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440328443297845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974523524808948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557731191541845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805093721871292,0.0,0.0,0.15318273050892256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597419738990108,0.0,0.10828561834908287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831793064959467,0.0,0.0,0.2818683627231169,0.10194988353743684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148703873009269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906600643063036,0.0,0.0,0.2591319344943481,0.0,0.0,0.1474874370754276,0.0,0.1411582334802311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187932782988383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191537439429195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cryingmetsfan,2019/10/23,"It makes sense now why I always gravitated towards just watching tv shows, movies, YouTube videos, etc...I’ve been trying to fill that void of not having a personality/not knowing who I am. I’m not sure if I have BPD. I was diagnosed once with it about 4/5 years ago. Since then, I’ve been in and out of therapy with only diagnoses of GAD and depression. 

I guess one of the most prominent symptoms of BPD is abandonment issues. I don’t necessarily have that towards my spouse, as we’ve been together for 5 years. But I do have those thoughts, not frequently, towards my parents and sibling; fearful of the day they die. I also can’t maintain any friendships, nor have any female friends as I become attracted to all of them. 

I’ve come to realize the most prominent symptom I have (other than the usual anxiety/social anxiety and depression) is the feeling of a lack of identity/low self-image. I feel like I have no personality. It’s not easy for me to express my feelings. I spend hrs watching YouTube videos and just realize it’s because I’m attracted/interested in seeing people’s personalities because that is exactly what I lack. I’m fascinated how people can just be themselves, as I’m too ashamed to do anything.

I don’t have an identity, which may be why I’m so scared to put my energy into one direction because I always question if that is the direction I should be going in...

I feel empty.",4.817862453531597,6.371271334572494,6.280778810408923,73.98845446096657,69.85501858736059,9.692267657992566,33.89609665427509,10.008157457239328,3.6926875836431208,1115,55,199,29,20,379,149,269,0.135,0.779,0.086,-0.9157,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,2,0,9,10,0,3,9,0,28,4,0,2,3,42,44,16,1,5,10,2,4,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,13,10,0,1,9,4,1,4,9,6,0,2,5,7,25,4,32,34,5,20,0,3,3,0,10,8,0,7,9,137,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107475734144361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695900274878276,0.2017698986106832,0.0,0.0,0.1649005290071506,0.0,0.0927515383575912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997737074741184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172815369809767,0.1339047758315972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30540583949315553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044412070336547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819252695383426,0.0,0.20885503243899095,0.2461207734888925,0.12583241523432293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521941587245315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643351705863094,0.2452189932757017,0.08661693413891655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367302594677523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890591544110289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335642378865073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654752263390145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663268261532253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923382837969845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093149490252785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912119567103955,0.16431651685444668,0.09221173445745692,0.0,0.0,0.13462741886670146,0.0,0.0,0.16811102812916684,0.21173164828167498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188398406183985,0.1358213358256145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138667030400895,0.0,0.0966159894620125,0.0,0.12648422100442272,0.0,0.0,0.1002945170137454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142712941267286,0.2520384502302587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865339477079328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625441106988834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231690390222128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335334394239809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880819932285872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615467563587776
bpd,teresadootsthings,2019/10/23,"my current best friend announced he's moving to texas today. my symptoms are now worse than they've ever been in about 5 years, and i need some serious help and support right now. yes, i'm on medicine.

yes., i'm in therapy.

my therapist was saying i was doing great just before he announced it, hehe. and while he'd been toying with the idea for about a year, i'd always changed the subject because talking about it caused too much distress. now i can't escape it and feel that i have nowhere to turn to other than my sister. combined, they were my rock. they were what got me through life without going insane.

i can't be alone again.

i can't be alone again.

please.",2.277489878542511,4.51714438345865,2.8616541353383447,92.76806246385195,78.84962406015038,4.994563331405437,23.764603817235397,5.8734145424116955,0.4212237131289758,525,18,106,3,13,163,89,133,0.067,0.7340000000000001,0.19899999999999998,0.9540000000000001,1,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,1,11,6,0,1,3,2,15,2,0,1,1,13,23,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,7,2,15,4,15,13,3,17,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,11,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685401496203409,0.0,0.0,0.14804257829687215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845756405520812,0.0,0.15139567575096965,0.0,0.18671465747831256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277147427689625,0.18821435162906436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093761445143098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996102060284254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745951575054374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111527489529114,0.0,0.14229780597517422,0.19615595130154065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925512776402965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084851136276904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566921158607694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890993791604608,0.13079068704578162,0.1319244323563711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953012612502724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194156392994576,0.0,0.14148805995614078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018999874958984,0.0,0.1849256120905826,0.0,0.14300427986516634,0.0,0.0,0.2034654940387174,0.20657727791189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686460866644039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935244119868576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150723967301107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131431505873635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914756813009665
bpd,swankiestdaisy7,2019/10/23,I am absolutely fucking bonkers. I just spent four hours stalking my ex and creating fake accounts to view his shit and it’s now 6:05 in the morning and I haven’t slept and I have work in the morning. What the actual fuck is wrong with me.,0.9165986394557812,3.3756860000000017,2.2847959183673474,93.22746598639458,86.95918367346941,5.715646258503401,24.493197278911573,7.1686216300943375,1.0565891156462586,190,8,41,3,6,61,38,49,0.249,0.71,0.040999999999999995,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,3,0,4,4,2,0,0,6,8,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,1,2,1,7,0,4,6,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,2,3,0,2,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.3424608146314756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6488653786164368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455991518556696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36022855381011204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25548402228853684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383691074285918,0.0,0.0
bpd,VegetableClassroom,2019/10/23,"DAE feel unable to discuss their suicidal thoughts with their loved ones or friends I doubt my death by my own hand will come as a huge shock to those who know me but currently i'm in a 'fuck this shitty life' mode, my mind is racing and giving in to thoughts of death. Not so much about the act of doing it, but fantasizing the relief i would feel if I didnt have to care anymore.

I wish I could discuss this with my SO but a better solution would be to just disappear and quietly off myself somewhere. Not afraid of death, just really angry about being alive.",5.199732142857143,5.606901651785716,5.505357142857147,84.08964285714286,68.19642857142857,8.9,27.607142857142854,8.841846274778883,1.8581464285714289,443,13,91,7,7,141,78,112,0.265,0.526,0.209,-0.8924,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,1,2,5,0,10,4,1,0,0,25,22,10,4,5,9,0,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,3,4,13,5,17,13,2,8,0,0,0,2,8,4,1,3,1,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294431233752413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046157046449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358830035458345,0.0,0.0,0.19929282871547974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471905196389704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396123145593775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787451796612783,0.21388502316870192,0.0,0.2219378906408099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714728391667568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341368351398158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880794886430634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336037489180462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007338288930193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567729078334244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821266733153113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530660662572466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673418644477988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660481429301287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286975274821741,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DeletedBeing,2019/10/23,"UghJustmebeing pathetic.  

When you messaged me, I thought it was a joke. Why would you like me?

I never thought I would meet someone, who looked at me the way you did.

Made me feel so special and whole.

Made me feel like I was beautiful and I could do anything.

Then I had to make it a mess, I couldn't change. No matter how much I wanted to.

I chipped away until you were done. I couldn't leave you alone and give you what you wanted.

I made you hate me.

It's 9 months and it still hurts like it was yesterday.

I imagine it doesn't hurt you.

I love you. Despite what you think.

Even though you probably love another now.

I'm sorry. Just know please I'm sorry.

You have given me so many memories I can keep and take with me.

If i was normal you'd still be here. I'd have a good life. I wouldn't hate myself. You have forgotten, I don;t exist in your mind. I'm just a regret. I know you are with someone else by now. Love isn't meant for me. I wish I could forget like you have. I wish I could just be free. Life ain't worth it anymore.",-0.7645151515151518,1.3854837000000018,1.0545454545454582,100.56348484848488,93.8181818181818,4.387878787878788,15.969696969696967,6.079149491110277,-0.6640484848484847,794,19,191,8,30,257,113,220,0.153,0.65,0.196,0.871,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,18,0,0,14,17,2,0,5,0,29,5,0,5,1,44,58,13,0,15,4,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,9,1,2,0,8,6,0,0,15,3,50,12,10,32,2,14,0,3,1,3,25,3,0,1,14,128,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280150581475536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142052670827204,0.0,0.0,0.10801289390332897,0.0,0.0,0.0896265037776406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232778799000687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521600727398472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26087562444488016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145629126788692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098322668015872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193631813971063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013984336943224,0.07780780299081341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447972239163306,0.0,0.0913514492295669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505900159241328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331882392618069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680729424386836,0.0,0.0,0.11971198688162812,0.0,0.0,0.11532363628872615,0.0,0.0,0.15385760619097744,0.21283847528325267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145988219737397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29489597023092745,0.3091696692841757,0.07270058532698227,0.11042116146684113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997155450171828,0.0,0.08693369071578083,0.0,0.08006393040491834,0.0,0.08400078048889713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671207369556172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955428128656588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742713904714265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845640552615647,0.0,0.0,0.2438394201255601,0.0,0.0,0.1739568717743193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188937316106154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978735228297295,0.10700692889933547,0.17293025498942746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284799700416802,0.0864504410489562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827746407176503,0.12159799701284706,0.2504902253138574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154738004957135,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,protectmyheart,2019/10/23,"Functioning levels I would really love to hear from people about their functioning levels. I’m diagnosed with BPD, maybe 4 years ago. Ive read a lot about high functioning and low functioning but I don’t feel as though I’m always either 100% of the time. Is it possible to swing between the two?",3.8536842105263136,6.0516220877192985,4.796350877192981,80.97978947368422,73.73684210526315,9.472280701754386,23.68070175438596,9.888512548439397,2.4759922807017545,237,7,44,7,5,77,45,57,0.03,0.9159999999999999,0.054000000000000006,0.2952,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,9,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,9,8,2,7,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,26,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425459845496049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050252856361104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186238477298698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567729156240974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791605311741294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851307778829148,0.0,0.0,0.2672909454171307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215077515195447,0.22832747555694896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25415591754684064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538689737312618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852008718796462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25305194948120635,0.0,0.16206770078164953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485549930392857,0.0,0.14751670661653166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471281083809409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971221181954927,0.0,0.0,0.1629130722408082
bpd,khlnmrgn,2019/10/23,"Heart sinking too much to function I feel exhausted. Like every fucking day is a constant battle to shut off my own brain bc it's constantly boiling over with things that upset me. I don't want to be awake bc all I can do is think about things that I dont want to think about and I don't want to sleep bc I have constant nightmares that make it so that I cant sleep for more than 3 hours at a time anyway. Drugs and alcohol numb me temporarily, but that's obviously not a sustainable way to deal with this, not to mention being expensive af. How the fuck do you cope with this shit? I'm extremely extroverted but I had to move and now I live in the middle of fucking nowhere and have lost contact with all my freinds. I barely have any motivation to do anything and I feel like trying to ""fake it till I make it"" might as well be a full time job at this point. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh",2.7296666666666667,4.403681522222224,4.495555555555555,84.205,75.44444444444444,7.2444444444444445,25.333333333333336,8.021203637495839,1.3182333333333336,694,24,150,11,15,235,107,180,0.141,0.7879999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.885,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,8,13,5,1,6,0,18,13,5,4,3,28,32,11,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,14,9,2,0,5,0,1,1,6,10,1,0,2,2,17,3,26,26,6,20,0,1,0,3,4,9,4,1,11,102,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438650117381385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187625198758384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118016836962458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082222147741306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380025684385342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713175577071554,0.1392876546313433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834243129043532,0.0,0.1566792805362269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138320609148522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662662062996195,0.09651926910427276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747080796726489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010045719644606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305152737481735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407118509204716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201127189025527,0.0,0.11930047465942666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748341886209484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036770322487136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433253962321473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359557597716527,0.0993179571618347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771819928480316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386836716210266,0.0,0.0,0.27040578709767565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795159453266139,0.17314007017702926,0.0,0.0,0.15756199961062314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172764516031663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390658583000853,0.10724031604866732,0.0,0.0,0.12147591006569862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Losingtheplottoday,2019/10/23,"What is this? Is it part of my BPD or something else Its happened for years, where people will ask me what's happened or what was said on the tv especially, but it happens for real conversations too. 
I may look like I'm listening intently, and I think I am until asked and then I realise I've been somewhere else in my head. Not even remembering what I was focused on in my head.

This happens with reading when I'm overwhelmed too. I have to read and re read and re read because it's as if my eyes are focused but my brain has other plans, and I just cant take it in enough to even remember the line I've read over and over.

Is it part of BPD or does it have a name of it's own?",2.9679452054794564,3.5173345616438354,4.409479452054793,89.45298630136989,73.24657534246576,7.4838356164383555,26.928767123287678,7.554174236665415,1.1831063013698628,530,18,124,6,10,177,84,146,0.0,0.915,0.085,0.8936,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,3,0,14,4,4,1,0,22,27,16,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,15,7,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,13,1,17,21,4,12,0,1,2,0,6,8,0,5,5,87,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589979233282824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039011413398764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29086363017815503,0.12890394229837868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104954254790956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292258339278384,0.0,0.0,0.11931251932864716,0.0,0.15253515226564993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084428688922265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370133352657881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641334946463926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696664645861013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500879093063882,0.0,0.0800531253688213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775117679842039,0.1314313978736276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616125055146649,0.0,0.10983946392455952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889529840305717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681990076140554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398922186999944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435960605750239
bpd,Swartz55,2019/10/23,"Value. What is it? Value is an interesting thing. if we're talking economically, or emotionally, you would think that they were sort of different concepts. But they're really not. This will be a bit long, because it's late and I'm feeling introspective and motivational. But hopefully, if you sit through the whole ride, you'll feel a little bit better about yourself.

We are going to have a short little history lesson here. We are starting with gold. I don't know how many of you are as interested in history as I am, but I'll give you a little bit of a example. Gold has always been the standard for currency. It's always been usedas a medium for trade and a representation of value. Going all the way back to the Phoenicians, gold was the standard for trade. Gold coins were minted by the government to equalize and expedite trade between people. Now, if you haven't heard of the Phoenicians, that's okay. they are so old that the ancient Greeks considered them ancient. As far back as 4,000 years ago, and even farther, gold was considered valuable by enough people that it was used as a bridge between merchants who seldom shared even a language. It didn't matter what you spoke, where you came from, or what you did, gold was valuable and useful. And this never really changed. 

Think about how often we see gold today, and how it's perceived. We use gold for our wedding rings, our jewelry, to flake on expensive food when you have more money than sense! the most expensive guns skins in a video game are gold skins, trust fund babies will get gold colored Lamborghinis or Ferraris, and gold memberships / gold standards / gold ranks / gold tiers are always up at the top, if not the top, of any sort of loyalty program. American Express makes their cards gold because gold is valuable. It's such a ubiquitous association that it's subconscious, you don't have to acknowledge that a card is printed gold to automatically think that it must be worth more than cards that are not printed gold. Think about that! Gold's value is so reinforced, so assured, and so self-evident that you don't even have to think about it to understand it. And guess what? *You are worth even more than that.*

if someone came up to you today and say gold is worthless, has no value, and never did, you could refer them to the trillions of examples of them being patently wrong. And if you look at projections from economists all the way to purchasing habits of doomsday preppers, you'll see that people have absolutely no belief that gold is ever going to stop being valuable. Someone came up to you and said gold was worthless, you would not even entertain the thought because you were so sure of the value of gold that someone contradicting that is so wrong that they're not even worth listening to. and the value of you, as a human being, is so much more significant and cemented than that of gold that it does not even begin to be a fair comparison. You are extremely valuable, so much so that gold could be entirely forgotten about when compared to the value that you bring to this world as a person. nothing will ever compare to how valuable you are. Nothing. And nobody who even thinks to contradict that is worth your time or effort at all. Gold has been valuable since civilization dawned. You have been valuable since long before that, longer than we can count. In ten thousand years gold will still be considered valuable. And so will you. ❤️",6.09618782161235,7.492955860062892,5.984694110920527,77.9004288164666,66.65723270440252,8.989365351629502,30.96397941680961,9.279504587578698,2.741092452830188,2741,105,485,51,44,859,256,636,0.063,0.777,0.16,0.9965,2,0,0,1,0,0,80.0,7,27,6,7,39,23,0,0,33,1,70,3,2,9,10,97,106,55,0,12,19,0,4,0,0,10,0,6,0,2,44,28,1,1,17,3,15,8,15,4,0,3,22,15,42,19,72,64,16,56,1,2,4,0,55,20,0,16,25,351,86,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709323681741614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889365403905392,0.0,0.0,0.051470735845978124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639947944860694,0.0,0.13841691469790665,0.0,0.06440528919798473,0.0,0.0,0.06694027595722414,0.2478965257150237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597022411362174,0.0,0.0,0.08006833542472193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208621237991401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907831214777439,0.0,0.0,0.0662354654163144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513930956434021,0.0,0.0782063931064222,0.0,0.3999320154417746,0.1369290575858709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654070064725517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915227641808967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039544086880477405,0.07260725011622585,0.1290464570337619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833793517597229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517570070810882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041596388152926364,0.0,0.08537985903175496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22757910805191936,0.0,0.13396377831541278,0.0635592284349052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052262258743272,0.07673620014699753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112794269955591,0.0,0.11675118461846072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452502023435361,0.0,0.0794222874328815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741850630309862,0.06608822788231973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697590777547624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199704056722799,0.06019048677801279,0.0,0.0,0.1206277772918827,0.0,0.07895955176372606,0.0,0.0,0.12522052228930322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239171318732146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357266862517865,0.0,0.060444887339046516,0.06327892639320352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133546059782347,0.0,0.0,0.06083550243809785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028403750784187,0.2909885837846424,0.0,0.06008816825534359,0.04413453904507583,0.0,0.14348758549214724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879433714074233,0.0,0.1961115364324172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015592408201635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450344220526856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753379479986278,0.16550685852968666,0.0,0.097481749866553
bpd,Fix_Yourself22,2019/10/23,Is BPD considered a debilitating disability? My wife has BPD is my major concern with her is that as she is continuing to work on her master's degree that she will be unable to hold down a job in her field. She already has had trouble holding down jobs in the past and so I'm afraid it will continue to happen even when she recieves her degree. And besides trying to survive on my income alone I will also be stuck with paying her student loan debt for a degree she wont even use. I think I heard the only way to get out of a student loan is if you become permanently disabled but I don't know if BPD counts as one?,4.605767716535432,4.928873543307088,6.117785433070867,79.47620570866144,69.47244094488188,8.239763779527559,28.4734251968504,8.07648339933343,1.8041818897637791,488,16,98,6,8,167,82,127,0.059000000000000004,0.941,0.0,-0.6072,4,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,1,6,0,15,0,0,1,0,13,23,10,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,18,0,18,14,1,12,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,2,4,71,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848539737265255,0.20082904426429696,0.14553628921752118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099220939315332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6876251507096964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404036260359087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095081578941307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093199707041006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611913859647196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001622431666997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233202458883823,0.13841059906547148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737287965474415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661100383041882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235583740980151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717979605024546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445415082412946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324899334081391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dick_Pain,2019/10/23,"Looking for ways I can be a better husband for my wife with BPD. Hey guys,

I’m looking for some advice on how I can be a better husband for my wife with BPD.

Im looking for ways to make her time easier when she is having a bad day. Or what I should do whenever I mess up. 

I have a really bad habit of trying to explain things whenever there is a misunderstanding.

 So for example recently I had a comically terrible drive when I went to buy her something (got lost in the countryside, saw a dick, it was wild) but I gave off the vibe I was complaining about getting her something. When really I was just joking about the experience.

Well that exchange was rough and it’s been a few days of rebuilding. I feel like that was mostly due to my habit of trying to explain what I meant. Am I wrong in thinking that?

I’m really trying to improve here so any suggestions are appreciated.",3.831333041958043,5.0988687329545455,5.646818181818182,78.69118881118884,71.89772727272728,9.27902097902098,28.311188811188806,9.661875296680813,2.62828986013986,691,26,137,17,13,238,102,176,0.115,0.755,0.13,0.6995,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,0,0,11,0,19,1,1,2,0,16,36,9,0,1,3,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,5,2,2,2,0,7,1,0,13,6,20,5,24,20,3,17,0,1,4,1,15,5,1,3,9,98,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439040164523757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014411061296258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24591744972115054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604848867901434,0.0,0.0,0.37094600431173896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994532317194154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405178909025276,0.0,0.0,0.07446076169330032,0.10520494852975534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693900904190339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777993345555865,0.0,0.0,0.14581384407603565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906966109787538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194542184917474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709923103823509,0.0,0.16075531481301042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982994126991517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28302196992444795,0.0,0.14540476707772634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267410038478599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783520929874476,0.09436039218103773,0.0,0.0,0.08587042884345222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999463923857949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337815450721289,0.0,0.0,0.13240741444343646,0.13651457728647487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100932768280993,0.0,0.0
bpd,turkeysub3000,2019/10/23,"2:30am and Suicidal thoughts won't stop I'm trying to go to sleep. I have to take a medicine tomorrow that requires me to fast. Probably not helping.

I'm just thinking such dark negative thoughts. The suicide tapes are playing in my head.

I guess I finally decided to join and read this forum and perhaps it's triggering shame for me to read everyone's stories and to feel like I identify with some of it and feel ashamed for not identifying with things like being in a relationship.

The other thoughts are that people don't care enough. They don't pay enough attention to me which is probably not true. It's another story in my head that's long been a thought distortion.

I've been thinking recently about how I told my therapist that it wasn't a fit and I felt like I was chasing him down every week for am appointment. He said to think about whether I wanted to terminate over the two weeks he'd be gone in another country for vacation. The two weeks go by and I never heard from him again. Guess I wasn't worth a follow-up call even when I expressed wanting to have a final conversation. I feel--you guessed it--abandoned.

I'm smoking a cigarette. Fuck this.

This medicine hopefully will be worth it. It's worked in the past.",3.614910714285717,5.74219747916667,4.4038095238095245,83.84500000000001,74.20833333333334,8.571428571428571,31.01190476190476,9.23628265651192,2.9084404761904765,985,47,191,24,21,316,136,240,0.14800000000000002,0.778,0.07400000000000001,-0.9602,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,1,2,12,0,19,4,3,2,2,39,47,10,2,3,5,0,3,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,16,9,0,2,12,3,3,3,10,3,0,2,14,5,22,7,29,27,3,25,0,0,0,1,13,8,1,5,17,121,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184235795648416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635019087648803,0.0,0.1061892603292768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152324077580837,0.0,0.06879099585402662,0.0,0.08775201899673282,0.09952109480345916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798618217869148,0.07440575763909253,0.10000164576316796,0.22818546408768006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628626083430998,0.0,0.0,0.11838324445859072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442034197664527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377870112487515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981046611231162,0.0,0.0,0.10344580810861256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264929158264615,0.0,0.0,0.09217068264470536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032795522178454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099424265100186,0.07220544423435947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458557914108696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083591043610183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283691033501204,0.11181959096348353,0.0,0.0,0.09907180076476632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422658421326067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707520668688988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784938284097345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830886644310656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092776494925185,0.06919354054522843,0.2002079722333478,0.0,0.33073820739364634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952109480345916,0.0,0.07071194174947461,0.0,0.2034815042138597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286234985362345,0.0,0.2506318337028119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582343586130602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SunflowerPits790,2019/10/23,"Alright kids it’s poor decision time My second psychiatrist quit, so I’m stopping my antidepressants. Let’s see how long it takes before I get 51/50’d",2.228571428571428,4.955093285714291,3.45114285714286,80.29385714285716,98.28571428571428,6.525714285714287,27.028571428571425,7.554174236665415,2.46132,124,6,21,3,5,40,24,28,0.17800000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.071,-0.4549,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418380600255065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988453142642602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107906378065223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555136438581556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272835786583522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201225077018697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33585976723517863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020469161859863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342488543279574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nofuckinidentity,2019/10/23,"Relapse: 3 ways. [triggering] [self harm] So I have (quiet-ish) Borderline Personality Disorder, I have no true friends and no real “loving” family. I do have an incredibly loving and patient boyfriend though, but he’s asleep so here we are, on reddit venting to strangers. 

basically.... up until now I’ve only self harmed a tiny amount in comparison to a lot of people. But this time was different.

 I usually SH to get endorphins and stop the pain so then I can “wake up” from my “episode” or whatever and I can calm down before I do much damage, but this time.. I felt like I couldn’t stop. I got a high from it.


This is also embarrassing... I’m a cam model. I have been on and off for 2 years. I know it’s not shameful to be in the sex work industry, but I use it very unhealthily. I punish myself with sex. Usually making myself have sex w people that I’m grossed out by, re-traumatizing myself because I have sexual trauma and it’s fucked me up so much to the point I can’t masturbate right now, and every time I have sex I want to cry so badly.

Anyway, I streamed again. When I promised myself I wouldn’t. So yup. Also got high off that.

I also think I SH’d because I just started my new job after 2 years of isolating myself, in turn developing a severe social anxiety/agoraphobia combo, so I’m super paranoid and anxious, thinking everyone hates me all day.. for no reason. Everyone is so nice to me. I should have no reason to think these things. 

Oh well. Life goes on. 

But it’ll happen again next week or even tomorrow because BPD be like that.  

Also I know this whole post is crazy I’m not in a good place obviously aren’t we all? Ugh I’m literally so annoyed with myself and this post but I need someone to just hear me so I’m posting it anyway. Whatevs. I don’t care. 



(But I secretly really fucking do so be please nice) 
(Also I’m female, 20 if that matters to you. I know I’m immature af. Working on it.)",0.6290129870129881,3.0671504467532493,3.258701298701297,85.69376623376625,88.68831168831169,6.363636363636362,21.623376623376625,7.6729893032291185,1.2596753246753254,1482,53,297,31,49,515,203,385,0.198,0.684,0.11699999999999999,-0.9888,3,0,0,0,0,0,66.0,2,1,0,3,29,29,5,2,10,1,29,12,2,5,4,55,61,39,0,6,14,0,1,2,1,3,2,1,0,3,18,14,0,2,10,0,0,0,11,15,1,0,5,2,45,14,36,49,7,47,0,1,0,8,13,20,2,4,25,198,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635590451296201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271812519287432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591765760991469,0.1662790943625832,0.0,0.07736954102303166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451546760523545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270297459376363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998756333819354,0.05863839278393354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499612208776133,0.1042066653098016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005437763820009,0.0,0.07660730626035607,0.1737633635360204,0.0,0.0,0.08571495977531443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730120162595773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024757867167583,0.16811535863746094,0.047503984381039914,0.0,0.0,0.07626265246401087,0.14544029586410598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804037034340948,0.0,0.0,0.08976852603883498,0.0,0.0,0.10247784210298308,0.0,0.0,0.19213218231573512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022793977803888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499081907565669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422223866640893,0.08884164842698042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730024729617815,0.16412473715837178,0.0,0.060692408489205776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336790549218086,0.06741891887272777,0.0,0.08781486805031412,0.0966985978902085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915172223039394,0.09674943894198644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607036609226244,0.07939124133985871,0.09499612208776133,0.09980713695553486,0.08595247357377434,0.0,0.2612398841096591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034913026168962,0.058248177815147635,0.18696982265477144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764851278129213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897069124420592,0.10271812519287432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268546451699047,0.0770395243998251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435640355821484,0.0,0.0,0.15203290141038775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060405798207150474,0.1747810890278887,0.0893322689318635,0.0,0.15905536975466766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889909244702692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852905536197505,0.2002796578081181,0.07502173883664545,0.05362927127325685,0.07217115871373751,0.07293366717781084,0.0,0.08175150454861223,0.0,0.0,0.10151328593820658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238736245956464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710401954895933
bpd,mrsfeatherbott0m,2019/10/23,"Empty inside sorry if this triggering Hello, I never post on these things or I delete my posts afterwards. Just literally sitting here feeling empty inside when I should feel happy. I am clean for 7 years, sober for 3 and with a great partner who I actual enjoy being around. Yet, I sit here and think I just want to jump off a building and be done with this struggle. I have been off and on to counseling since I was 15 (i am 34). I really try to get a handle on my emotions and sometimes I do then it is like a light switch that goes off, and i feel empty and depression death thoughts set in then i have to struggle my way out of that, while trying to have a life. I have had a lot of sexual trauma in my life, and also was apart of the drug world for many years, so very messed up stuff happened to me and also what i saw. Since getting clean and sober, each year passes, and i slowly drift away mentally. I feel like i am walking in a dream, while a movie of my tramatic past plays in my present mind. Going to work is like pouring acid all over me, and the thought of talking to people makes my stomach sick. Does it ever get better? I don't want to off myself, and i want to be happy with my husband. It is like I just can't do it for some reason. Thanks for reading.",3.1490754452671617,4.105563931558939,4.390170102061237,88.24153692215332,73.18250950570342,7.057754652791675,23.728036822093266,7.273561745256523,0.8214532319391639,986,26,212,10,19,325,146,263,0.10400000000000001,0.731,0.165,0.9284,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,12,16,0,2,10,0,23,5,1,3,3,44,41,23,1,5,5,1,4,4,1,1,4,0,2,1,13,19,0,0,8,3,0,5,3,5,0,0,8,7,33,11,39,29,4,43,0,1,1,0,5,18,0,4,18,153,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.11655667843611275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103301650933133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632734955281813,0.0,0.0,0.11221826217304083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563539783613726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287390992291222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452316845220584,0.12222907931476043,0.0,0.0,0.13851303630663772,0.0,0.0,0.13435446311978533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804075174902096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415707807567505,0.08532830237651677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720816234856888,0.0,0.06788077697207985,0.0,0.0,0.13168355024336795,0.0,0.0,0.10562082150961598,0.2542932226988896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872868580469766,0.23341034032885394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015440243870245,0.0,0.0,0.0797274474960169,0.12109389922654988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036791057387787,0.0,0.1206008355800269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921198610153058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401945259642553,0.08280498948408113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287819258089768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194728017289632,0.0,0.07651662957685681,0.12280470564699242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976047977115026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812968825026532,0.13370383799581687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497302448359796,0.13673077307324807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960017330480729,0.0,0.10996474613287746,0.0,0.0,0.07935094725845511,0.07653263642929346,0.0,0.1896447980870017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621844905201183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855090435605834,0.21134726810760893,0.09480629308193576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695409156079463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074725824621084
bpd,butterpopcornbaby,2019/10/23,"My horrible BPD is ruining my relationship. My episodes are incredibly severe. Splitting, rage, throwing things, hitting things, swearing, crying, yelling, panic attacks, hitting myself, aggressively throwing my body everywhere, damaging walls and items. 

I become a monster. An evil monster who has no control. 

My boyfriend hates me. He just sits there during my episodes telling me to leave. He’s unhappy. He’s had enough. The more he gets angry with me the more I escalate and begin a toxic circle. He’s been unhappy for so long. 

When I’m not having an episode, we’re amazing. We make each other so happy.

Couples therapy is barely holding us together. 

I start DBT therapy in two weeks but I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose my boyfriend who I love with all my heart. 

Is DBT going to save us or will this always happen?",3.423164705882357,6.364524273333334,4.449843137254902,78.87511764705883,79.6,6.99607843137255,30.823529411764717,8.124751697461798,2.8416941176470583,651,33,105,13,17,211,103,150,0.212,0.6559999999999999,0.131,-0.4478,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,3,0,0,2,5,14,5,1,6,0,9,3,2,2,2,16,23,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,9,0,1,2,1,19,5,7,18,6,12,0,3,0,1,13,2,0,1,5,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773477226841967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464273258193358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954259445315722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705178802217676,0.19334373276548905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217742279016213,0.0,0.1698587606480728,0.16862637139070671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158619541663052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020399212030849,0.0,0.17448948485223126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575067608951144,0.1634170062917572,0.0,0.1515619005201605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819131579300269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254766702526793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585381112593795,0.0,0.17174132087576274,0.0,0.0,0.13855110573684462,0.0,0.10247084567023522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801139478789598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617749249816276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481507085599706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342553074075015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865700111535492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446837990463503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341767697399891,0.0,0.3511100501559716,0.0,0.2039738866772162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995949388620164,0.0,0.3693134878074238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313853972150306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hacarroll84,2019/10/23,"Sabatoging everything good ever I got mad at my boyfriend tonight because he wanted to go to bed early. I was furious, I was about to walk out the front door and never come back. I cried. I screamed. Accused him of hating me and not wanting to spend time with me. 

I feel like incidents like this are happening more and more often. I'm afraid it's only a matter of time until he gets fed up with it and leaves me, but I can't stop.",1.9140730337078649,3.737754382022473,3.200435393258428,91.93188904494384,78.21348314606742,6.247752808988763,23.484550561797754,7.1686216300943375,0.7756617977528091,336,11,73,4,8,109,66,89,0.113,0.768,0.11900000000000001,-0.1093,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,18,15,6,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,8,1,1,1,0,1,4,3,5,0,0,4,2,12,3,13,11,2,16,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,11,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940680208955804,0.0,0.1538511845651076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740680853838654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772324067058225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282961344386403,0.0,0.0,0.2268268202688637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761313334852414,0.1803034621234645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186042953749616,0.0,0.1434358678049251,0.2116880561199176,0.20185485633028205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318268687071985,0.0,0.0,0.2491773386308437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672386327368675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24660453380993666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946544043276678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194970517455687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110046551359055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943347405397384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29772571029629274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wooden_Football,2019/10/23,"Projecting insecurity and I feel too sensitive for this world I think I feel dumb and not confident so I'm overly sensitive to perceived condescension. Today I was drunk with someone and looking at my acne scars (from picking). I was like ""hmm I wonder how long these will last.."" and he was like ""do you pick?"" or whatever and for some reason that set me off and I told him he was overexplaining when all he did was ask if I pick, I guess implying that scars from picking last longer. 

I think I was annoyed because my question related to how long the scars might last and I was like DUH I know the scars are there cos I've picked. Like OF COURSE I know that I didn't NEED you to tell me. I'm like this with very few people. Mostly my mother. I'm scared I'll be like this with anyone I'm that close to. It scares me how quickly I jump to conclusions about what the person might have ~meant. I am generally stressed and have stuff going on but I know it's an ongoing trait of mine regardless.

I feel insane and ashamed, I've always had trouble with teasing too. When I see other people projecting I can see right through it and feel shame cos I can see how irrational it is. Sometimes I know teasing is mean spirited but yeah idk. 

Does anyone else struggle with this kind of behaviour?",1.5491764705882325,4.099394094117649,2.810490196078433,90.05220588235296,84.52941176470588,6.223529411764706,22.225490196078432,7.554174236665415,1.037807843137255,1014,35,207,18,30,326,138,255,0.161,0.7759999999999999,0.064,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,0,1,12,19,4,7,4,2,23,1,0,12,1,58,49,21,0,3,5,1,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,16,16,1,0,17,1,0,2,2,12,0,0,12,8,33,7,23,33,4,19,1,0,4,0,14,7,1,9,15,129,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978363166806964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770268787548062,0.12287293195027027,0.0,0.0,0.1121096693403094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310254757654143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494341545796024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017835959332964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24254204290651216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815369917385798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210617449939102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487895843577965,0.26362112901575063,0.2932541360109673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515231887825232,0.0,0.0,0.21225209720666785,0.10070318784517432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062880168919028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25443383026123817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891968187604464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627583227910786,0.1047101324334674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343386326702622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329845560314975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241162525454672,0.0,0.0,0.2401230883780068,0.0,0.2866838226744225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160842262164063,0.0,0.1186046417798321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736876028861172,0.1253671565085782,0.13728051432994176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481598027208906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153680688785566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136708046264672,0.11458937094869852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894713921081172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004888709151272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stonesinyourhands,2019/10/23,"Trusted the wrong person too fast again Thursday I went to a bar with a bunch of people. My close work friend knows I like a girl who came out with us but I’ve been too nervous to talk to.

The second we’re outside waiting for everyone she jumps in talking to her immediately and they stuck together literally all night.

At one point they went out to smoke and were there for awhile. I decided to go with another friend to try and hangout and join the convo. They immediately went in.

Things like this happened multiple times.

I grabbed my coat and hugged everyone goodbye except the girl I like. She gave me the coldest “bye” I’d ever heard. 

I cried on the way home. When I got there I curled up into a ball and sobbed. Every female friend I get close to (I’m a bi-girl, just for clarity) always end up getting with the people I like and try to lie to me about it.

I stayed home Friday as the depression and rage hit over and over (so, so irrational) but that’s what you get when you try to make someone your best friend in a month.

To make things worse turns out Friday they all went out....

Monday we’re all eating lunch together when my friend drops the bomb she crashed at the girls house. My stomach dropped and I felt like splitting right there. I held it in and left the room.

She apologized that night saying it was platonic. She said the same thing to me today. It’s not. 

She makes people laugh, she’s likeable and I just can’t seem to connect with people. I’m awkward and have a hard time with empathy. I get too close too fast. Feel too much too fast. Anyway the girl I like definitely dislikes me, and today I got to watch my friend and another friend go out to smoke with her.

I’m tired of the crazy swing of feelings and trusting so easily. Clinging to people I don’t even know. I’m trying not to cry again. I’m sick of this.",1.8776105485539425,4.08635484366577,2.9194623734246403,91.9907212063816,80.07816711590297,6.059328331026442,21.34778174400816,7.2228458231874715,0.5460741749836084,1441,42,308,19,37,459,184,371,0.11900000000000001,0.679,0.201,0.9893,0,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,1,3,4,2,23,24,1,2,21,0,6,7,1,3,4,57,42,25,0,0,7,0,5,6,7,0,2,3,3,5,13,33,3,2,7,3,0,8,4,6,0,2,16,9,44,18,52,25,7,55,0,2,1,1,38,24,1,1,26,187,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895330608169646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737898859793793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696547354926211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477959152926692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205451175840698,0.0,0.0,0.07137459590171931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479525664294267,0.0,0.0,0.07339697482424405,0.0,0.0,0.05473392272801849,0.0749593847729011,0.06982036191461306,0.15836897969435315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380169894920916,0.0,0.07956684278114759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481684742795711,0.0,0.17318167385226196,0.0,0.09419225981606938,0.0,0.13255516464302688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328042124291269,0.0,0.07423398038393511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662479067014555,0.0,0.0,0.0956192277326467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108482070031827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900369664680442,0.0,0.0,0.242912445916634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659462837050101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661449186328644,0.0,0.060917949283606165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553311774873416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056153901840455184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28725323395898683,0.07235765717124383,0.0,0.0,0.0783376038831266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076932383049801,0.07882700664911156,0.0659004295743701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544045281615533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021428813910695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832689186779033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321326869573624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516262867528458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664268351455696,0.09524525476146734,0.15709946918016682,0.0,0.0,0.22504933429815094,0.09013723056924128,0.0,0.0,0.09968071149558104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577723023003358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30728005590544616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603293211252831,0.0,0.08445017377478584,0.0,0.0906037952046859,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mondohammer,2019/10/23,"Auditory hallucinations Title is pretty self explanatory... Has anybody had issues with this, or should I seek a different type of help?",7.620000000000001,10.908698272727275,9.081818181818182,49.54272727272729,66.27272727272728,11.672727272727276,33.72727272727273,11.20814326018867,5.3492000000000015,110,5,14,4,2,38,22,22,0.0,0.753,0.247,0.7096,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792010815478564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074294898255441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787208797432833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666211397892069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4784814138800052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuckin_egg,2019/10/23,"Let's collab on a lil book? Hiiii guys and gals. I was thinking today that it might be cool to gather stories from other people who also have bpd and put them together into a book. Funny stories, profound stories, sad stories. Any real stories about your personal experience with this illness. 
(Hoping to keep each individual story 1-2 pages long) 
Any suggestions on how to credit the authors of these stories are welcome. I was thinking each person could decide whether they want to identify themselves and choose how to go about that on an individual basis. 
I really wanna collect some stories and put something good together. Let's reduce stigma with some good old fashioned story telling?",6.289672131147539,8.763489114754101,6.867999999999999,67.55199999999999,67.68852459016394,8.158688524590165,34.33114754098361,8.841846274778883,3.584266229508196,560,27,76,10,10,183,87,122,0.048,0.8109999999999999,0.141,0.8759999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,0,4,1,9,1,0,2,0,25,15,8,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,9,0,1,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,6,16,8,5,10,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,4,3,54,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075398353675594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393837156639507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22167662251759498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052851490530668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721701471479288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002972197137057,0.2952552624721969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427614852493994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174816216121324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564444971166664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35996135942406043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557620388092388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671727000626906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846913781173296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202217542886665,0.3073677749519059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538744376421467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033627686999936,0.11275559185051005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549999011986116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383924118377718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22555835938374785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668355367482227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381441016263156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sprinklesbubbles123,2019/10/23,"Screwed things up with my FP I met my FP two years ago. She was my boss at work and now serves as a sort of mentor to me. She really helped me through a lot. This summer, I started to improve. I stopped clinging to her as much, I started to be actually HAPPY.

And then I went back to college. And everything has fallen apart. My moods have been horrible. I’ve started clinging to her again. I text her constantly, multiple times in a row when I’m upset, trying to get some comfort. This is obviously taxing on her and she has been getting mad at me. I don’t blame her. 

The last time I had an “episode” where I texted her repeatedly and “spazzed out” as she calls it, I told her that I was gonna give myself one more chance and then if I screwed up again, she should cut ties with me.

I screwed up again. Badly. I was in so much emotional pain so I frantically reached out to her. I just needed a response. She hasn’t given me one. Now I’m not sure what to do. The cutting ties with me was my idea, so I don’t know what she actually wants to do. I asked her how she would like me to move forward- if it was okay for me to keep texting her or if she wanted me to stop. She hasn’t answered. So I don’t know where to go from here. I can’t stop thinking about this. 

Does anyone have any suggestions? Where should I go from here? Is there any chance of salvaging this relationship? Should I try salvaging this relationship? If so, how? Should I try reaching out again? And if so, when? 

Any advice or even just knowing that someone understands what I’m going through would be much appreciated.",0.8707781775583641,3.2007048854489137,2.391065182829891,93.46844197138316,85.28482972136224,5.473316040498704,22.352020751401554,6.885778809224403,0.5562516776838757,1230,44,272,16,37,399,156,323,0.139,0.778,0.083,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,1,27,16,6,2,7,1,30,4,0,3,2,51,57,29,0,14,10,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,13,0,4,7,0,1,7,7,10,0,3,12,0,58,5,39,36,6,47,0,0,0,3,29,16,3,10,27,199,71,5,0.0,0.0,0.22965532596664584,0.0,0.0,0.1149844774714726,0.10430618983479586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400562231941808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227668072537705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000433669124092,0.0,0.0,0.09047995577466457,0.0982484372375446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201528838834219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271580462900063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029726594993664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323614332393678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771905690957387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575302706609896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295406299217465,0.11287852506826215,0.20062147666987126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526050358845922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887083943630745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328336230711951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104589334082804,0.0,0.0,0.19400289648843103,0.09591568358516987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574869759839525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003770840702803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250631905806292,0.2595000685797835,0.08724983920770035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947069295652355,0.0,0.12520777746464626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538157290992979,0.0,0.0,0.2526642635654636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970029524222312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24985950337056775,0.0,0.0,0.29512886940632266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090134338454964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817384599026325,0.07539734231483802,0.0,0.0,0.13722711338058166,0.0,0.0,0.1124374714264352,0.0,0.23966794011859935,0.0,0.11494520765188905,0.12249725125164547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880807861220704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908005018552862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566420435734003,0.0,0.0,0.16717691597700493,0.0,0.0,0.07577477544181736
bpd,a-n-g-e-l-a,2019/10/23,Convince themselves that their S/O is cheating on them I've been cheated on and have done cheating on this guy I've been with since I was 15. When he cheated on me my abandonment issues were exacerbated and I now have moments where I'm convinced he's cheating. I still love him and though I put up with him before I don't think I want to keep on being with someone I don't trust at all.,9.927886178861787,5.202028536585368,9.604146341463416,74.88922764227644,62.414634146341456,11.908943089430895,41.96747967479675,7.793537801064563,3.39330406504065,308,12,67,2,3,101,55,82,0.273,0.629,0.098,-0.9415,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,5,10,5,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,1,11,16,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,13,4,11,10,1,13,0,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,4,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661740172647442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201081203100595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30972613080955164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264871524778985,0.0,0.27803545802744745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823187267516523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144554240238533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587555298391254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26503866284488425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498064784196685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004328145732489,0.3073293259667949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450049449736514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bloodyfurvault,2019/10/23,"I’m Always the One Who Loves Less I have BPD (21f)  and all my partners seem to love me exceptionally more than I love them. I know I tend to feel detached because I’m always ready to exit the relationship first because I am terrified of being abandoned. I just feel so hollow and incapable of love...my partner is never good enough and I’m always left wanting something else...I’m starting to get the feeling that nothing will ever satisfy me and this disgusting void will inevitably leave me by myself in the end...I don’t feel better of have an inflated sense of self (i have quite awful self esteem) but no one feels like the one, each love feels exactly the same, just different manifestations. I’ve been trying to practice gratitude in hopes to really acknowledge the person I’m with, but it’s always the same pattern of someone incredibly in love with me and I superficially reciprocate until I’m triggered to the point where I leave without a trace",5.0945714285714265,6.985327377777775,6.075396825396826,74.40500000000002,69.66666666666667,8.6984126984127,30.63492063492064,9.23628265651192,2.9206587301587303,768,32,131,16,14,254,111,180,0.10800000000000001,0.71,0.183,0.9663,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,5,11,1,0,11,1,10,5,0,1,4,33,33,9,0,2,6,0,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,8,0,1,9,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,1,6,16,9,22,29,7,12,0,1,0,5,13,7,0,2,6,88,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602534489439321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319627500562508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572843309055372,0.0,0.0,0.1363229943646321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308652085912395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586746026055933,0.11183962663263766,0.0,0.0,0.09790820204892668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283727727069877,0.0773258287667146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206787801094292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056550311765727,0.0,0.0,0.09078557997005418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107505562717882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948522026784956,0.0,0.0,0.2292185464604309,0.11760178570745936,0.0,0.0,0.052880016084841004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861385213707465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348044436008224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385805912510594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003626032500986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450995548552346,0.0,0.0,0.1023206630131084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512529971259736,0.0,0.0,0.06934055444298279,0.0,0.0,0.11620797661313685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853654908406992,0.22583337340001616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171039397765292,0.08332752538239069,0.0,0.0,0.0766119880838998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734870482201632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384205556201455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433835205023788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idontevenknow1207,2019/10/23,So Michelle carter def has bpd right? I just watched the documentary on hbo and it seems super obvious to me. Does anyone else feel this way?,0.8077777777777762,3.1105631111111123,1.3752592592592627,94.8206666666667,103.07407407407408,5.122962962962963,20.214814814814808,6.742157984588678,0.5971392592592588,112,4,23,2,5,34,27,27,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26367132701619816,0.3863750716476812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749338720851983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299955411085361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150117788438984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066892463245336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220343033833981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34329017651443244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993178875970786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soltmar,2019/10/23,I feel like my FP doesn’t care I told him I have BPD and he completely ignore those texts and only replied after I texted an hour or so later about something else. He didn’t address what I said at all and just ignored it... after trying to not let it affect me I texted him again and he just said I was “over reacting” and I’m so upset now. I wish I could tell him how it makes me feel but I know he will tell me I’m being over dramatic and I’ll end up feeling worse. Really sucks.,-0.3232857142857135,1.7052632666666696,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000003,87.76190476190477,5.0238095238095255,16.36904761904762,6.42735559955562,-0.4272380952380957,373,8,88,4,12,126,69,105,0.133,0.7929999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7898,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,1,1,0,8,0,0,4,1,24,21,11,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,5,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,5,17,2,8,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,12,4,1,1,8,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589851096258162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096545605574377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156002441358506,0.0,0.0,0.16417966145895815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717783566775696,0.0,0.1821280761976207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119197129362511,0.1469028635513182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250516350389586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300944762831405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102716810476907,0.0,0.10046094443991002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726032294796447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639167998152406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173251642270173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912044360901249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830482888516528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594612033532815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648928086055945,0.0,0.13960998530057467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364655598524301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095556079932061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,killmesunday,2019/10/23,"Why do all our relationships fail? TLDR AT THE END

What did I do to deserve this? What did I do?

I’ve noticed a pattern. Once I become vulnerable and allow myself to love and be loved back.m thats when most people leave. Its as if people love me especially SO’s only if I am dismissive and cold. I find guys that I am not attracted to, chasing me just for validation. Sometimes they are narcissists, sometimes they are guys with low self esteems. Idk what it is about me that attracts men that leave in the end like magnets. 

You guys may or may not be familiar with this particular cycle. This has happened to me many times. Once I show signs of being attracted back to a guy they are gone, its really difficult to deal with in relationships that I wish would last. I don’t have a problem weeding out guys I do not vibe with, if a guy doesn’t not meet my standards for compatibility within the dating process thats okay and I can move on, although when I find someone that is compatible with me I still have this issue. 

For example with my ex, I honestly thought it was too good to be true and that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, he said he thought so as well. I was not initially attracted to him at all, in fact I was repulsed at first, not that he was bad looking. In fact I had major sudden repulsion syndrome (srs) to the point where I couldn’t stand the way he smelled. He was attracted to me when I was rejecting him. He chased me despite me rejecting him and telling to find someone else. Then later as I fell in love with him over months of friendship I began to become very attracted to him. 

Once we started our relationship we had a honeymoon phase that lasted a couple months, our climax if you will. After this I began to feel him withdraw. I told him I see and feel this, he knew about my bpd too. My walls were built so high from bpd that when I felt him withdraw it made me want to withdraw as well to avoid the hurt feelings of rejection and abandonment that I knew was coming. Although I fought through my bpd urges to run and stayed to see what would happen if I kept trying in a healthy manner. We spent less and less time together despite my effort and fighting through my fear rejection and abandonment by trying to continue to hold on and spend time together. 

When I finally told him I felt like he didn’t want to be with me he reassured and told me ‘not to think that he didn’t miss’ me. His words did not match up with his actions. He then began to really withdraw and barley spoke to me at all until he finally broke up with me. He put the blame on me and my bpd. What doesn’t add up though is he knew I had bpd from the start so he knew what he was getting into. I warned him to please not start this relationship if he did not mean it or did not have the intention of staying for the long run. I became attracted to him more and more after falling in love with him, like I thought he wanted, and thats when he withdrew. He withdrew when I stopped threatening to break up every month, he withdrew when I finally stopped being dismissive. 

TLDR; Once I become vulnerable and allow myself to love and be loved back.m thats when most people leave. For those of you that recognize this pattern, what has helped you to stop it and form healthy long lasting relationships? I have a fearfully avoidant attachment style that makes me avoidant towards SO’s at first then once I like them I have a very hard time letting go. Its its like I go from dismissive to clingy.",4.538189655172413,5.526032818965522,5.2218965517241385,83.45025862068967,69.94827586206897,8.616091954022991,29.15517241379311,8.901047299222334,2.1767275862068973,2766,102,561,49,48,894,268,696,0.133,0.754,0.113,-0.8517,0,3,0,0,2,0,57.0,6,4,4,4,25,47,2,5,20,1,57,8,0,5,6,113,110,54,0,14,20,1,6,5,0,5,1,2,0,8,42,40,0,10,17,1,3,12,17,21,2,2,42,13,98,26,93,54,12,95,0,11,3,7,83,29,0,12,54,391,140,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248832345992736,0.044334999417828605,0.0,0.17592924487238254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343782823027612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457396249757342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058752440337405586,0.0,0.0,0.054742184717452534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435695312801962,0.0,0.09405895708221243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473774593923645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950106823969067,0.08054453630842816,0.0,0.1019657045571726,0.17450031525362636,0.14559310208732298,0.09033105250671138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027741755820491657,0.0,0.09053124203754458,0.04453647226534585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315454964235491,0.09390959250239864,0.0,0.04756579403779443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035590781073066284,0.0561014424001525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568430037950999,0.0,0.0,0.05542100087964045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984700506617694,0.0,0.16867081931687605,0.0,0.054296776851167815,0.03750501534856416,0.1297061367306567,0.0,0.0,0.09398093925014636,0.0445893364717062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354640572967425,0.05024305039306096,0.03544363695810528,0.05383350824371548,0.0,0.05783979351646915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714806184709335,0.056435263882906275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045295306482865,0.0,0.28274065544400656,0.0,0.040383774491297895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043536740870033,0.0,0.0,0.0582861681738833,0.05019521130952997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050808058831664345,0.0,0.05337862209635778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803247125440517,0.0,0.0,0.2850393933238117,0.0,0.0,0.050508798578432566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462520206661192,0.0,0.055393278174446364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998031227375422,0.0,0.10503147700861072,0.0,0.11275009809764087,0.1131917950473005,0.04240450184689438,0.1331780801935607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046410397843109186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0340233516341039,0.05216897116923477,0.12646274750094078,0.1238485651864082,0.0,0.0,0.15221357317411432,0.0,0.0721007430034371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762358724863466,0.09395654919552858,0.0421470891001212,0.0,0.0,0.0954837917996034,0.0,0.04791310471650455,0.0,0.061060612976132723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543925054598791,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,belelelelelelelella,2019/10/23,"Unless my FP is giving me constant attention, I feel like shit. I’ve had the worst week, and my FP keeps leaving me on “delivered” on snap even though he’s active. I’m emotionally a wreck and all I wanna do is talk to him, but clearly he doesn’t want to talk to me and idk what to do. 

He was talking to me all day yesterday and I felt amazing but as soon as he stops I feel like shit and I can’t function. We’re long distance, which makes it even harder. I know it should be ok for him to not want to talk to me all the time or constantly give me attention, and that doesn’t even really mean anything for the status of our relationship, but it also makes me feel worthless and useless. 

help.",4.133762452107277,4.219569579310345,5.341609195402299,85.46153256704982,70.44827586206897,8.651340996168582,27.83524904214559,8.515128840125781,1.7007777777777775,539,17,120,8,9,180,86,145,0.14,0.696,0.16399999999999998,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,6,9,2,0,4,1,11,2,2,2,4,33,25,16,0,4,6,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,8,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,4,18,4,17,20,4,11,0,2,0,0,15,2,2,1,11,78,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153504603988613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869906627092812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117492184701925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302430644057327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225309593802126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858119005289909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879961868666634,0.2060933579762361,0.1384951624204218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767405838545384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668252726327596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820912286694428,0.0,0.0,0.07927175815950879,0.0,0.0,0.15273169620005755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093893668623012,0.0,0.0,0.12764983581881434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925656191403409,0.0,0.0,0.15712207613758047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240526701758307,0.0,0.0,0.15486217545808306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296125155589121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205929642543373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463745767450324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171726006832625,0.0,0.08410880513952787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015561062495485,0.0,0.11570241753355807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WLW_Lover56,2019/10/23,What are different ways you dissociate? My dissociation is terrible memory loss when Im arguing with someone where I forget all my arguments and memories for that argument and then I daydream. What are ways you dissociate?,6.00236842105263,9.40087002631579,8.299210526315793,52.48197368421052,72.42105263157895,14.326315789473682,38.44736842105263,12.161744961471696,7.408663157894736,183,11,25,10,4,65,29,38,0.354,0.6459999999999999,0.0,-0.9308,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456429565585032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607358166682112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614055044655568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6771343469732345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,almejandro,2019/10/23,"Sudden feeling of abandonment Don't know how to flair this, but now, right after a period in which everything seemed fine, I'm suffering from an incredibly strong feeling of abandonment. By who or what? Dunno, but there's a lot of sadness and fear. Does anyone know of anything that could help? How do you guys deal with this?",3.728743169398904,6.350631737704918,4.237295081967215,82.79124316939892,75.88524590163935,8.001092896174864,24.92076502732241,8.841846274778883,2.1222437158469942,260,9,47,6,6,82,50,61,0.248,0.58,0.172,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,17,9,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,10,8,1,6,0,4,0,0,5,2,0,4,4,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487965250121665,0.0,0.2411225554234811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339449253757401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020808091601038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564153355405018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26333881295689343,0.0,0.0,0.32971811022582104,0.2963096781401481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901263177007989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639866404097533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220616555939061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491069250090485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502292415231358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667456217832796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,repulsivekiwi,2019/10/23,"Is it worth it? I've been in/out of DBT since 2014, along with IOP via Kaiser, and have learned I really, really dislike group settings due to all the sidebars and (in my experience with these groups) constant tangents by other clients. 

I really enjoy seeing my individual therapist every week, but I've recently just gotten back into DBT four weeks ago. They have a 3 strike rule before you're dropped, and if I were to miss tonight, I'm out. I'm having a really hard time not being cynical about it because at my first appointment at this new office, it was CONSTANT chit-chat and tangents and sidebars galore. It's pretty intimate, only up to 8 of us at a time, and there are four unlicensed therapists that each have far too much patience with this in my opinion. 

I plan on speaking up if this continues tonight, but I'm also not trying to rock the boat because I lucked out on finding this group - it's free and a non-profit. 

I plan on going tonight because I know I need it, but...is it worth it? Would going to DBT groups with a closed, cynical mind on the process be the same as someone who's not ready to overcome their addiction? I guess what I mean is if I'm frustrated for most of group because we don't learn what's scheduled (mindfulness, coping skills, regulation, etc.), and I begin to tune it all out, is it a waste of my time because I'm not ready to be helped? I know I need to be more open with this particular group because I've only attended one session so far, but I've been through enough over the past 5 years that it immediately turned me off when the first session was one of the worst in terms of how many times people interjected or cut off the person running the group.",8.567946428571428,6.345240616071429,8.493023809523809,74.06864285714289,62.48214285714286,11.698095238095238,37.57857142857143,10.203070172399654,3.574744285714286,1341,51,266,23,15,437,181,336,0.092,0.835,0.073,-0.7555,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,2,5,9,9,4,0,15,0,19,1,0,1,2,53,37,20,0,6,12,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,24,22,0,0,6,1,3,4,5,6,0,6,6,3,23,4,45,26,11,54,0,1,1,0,15,23,0,8,25,169,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268943556184653,0.0,0.0,0.09976335444444694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000129596522914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653929275302255,0.0,0.4116342086667519,0.0,0.0957665481521049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432398932908087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628790747612976,0.12551616996014167,0.0,0.0,0.09482306844241847,0.0,0.0,0.1100895049680164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286306260431052,0.1914595247143956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792255517392087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239797663301021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081720589342552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543578691233671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370234055638755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410182452246398,0.0,0.12259327295471502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727446166169385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273269739500144,0.16689971415665886,0.0,0.10869557552509852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525252843586851,0.17118937631558692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743586304017813,0.07802375214643002,0.09826897039967787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144975808596146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28839395202544404,0.0,0.11112349890737856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968289705984228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309745617775686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535805984495704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613442257732789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625009536492205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640990337164077,0.12241541792535965,0.0,0.0,0.13537642414534934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055181554235175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994793957079117,0.0,0.0,0.07247456543397374
bpd,SeveralRecord,2019/10/23,"A girl I like got BPD, need perspective So I met this girl who got diagnosed with BPD, seems like a ""quiet BPD"" type (shy & introverted tendencies, also engages into self-harm sadly). We exchanged phone numbers and she initiated contact a lot and she seemed to take a special interest in me, more than a friend or so I thought. At some point I ask her out and she rejected me saying she wanted to remain smoke & evening walk friends. It left me confused, first time that I've misread a situation like that. Didn't make a big deal out of it though but it felt painful. 

Next day shes texts me to walk the dog. I was tired and had to wake up at 5 am so I refused. Suddenly she is becoming persistent and a bit bossy, which surprised me because I've always known her as shy and insecure. She suspected that I didn't want to walk because she rejected me (she didn't tell straight away but 3 weeks later she asked if I really had to wake up early that day or if there were other reasons). Anyway, I gave in and met with her. She was overjoyed to see me, seemed extroverted, full of confidence and even a bit flirtatious, as if I had met another person. Now I'm becoming VERY confused, if any other girl behaved like that I would've been 100% sure she was into me but this one rejected me literally 1 day ago. 

Ever since she has stopped initiating contact. When I contact her (once a week on average) she always responds positive and when we meet we usually talk for an hour or so. These meetups still feel like the start of something romantic rather than a friendship. Also feel like shes still running little ""tests"" on me to measure my level of interest. Noteworthy is that she is very inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships. 

All things concluded, I don't know how to progress from here and I suspect that if I stop contacting her I won't hear anything from her side either which only adds to the confusion. I don't know how to interpret this situation and I hoped someone could shed some light on the situation.",3.7600416377515593,5.727899854961834,4.907980569049276,81.08620402498265,73.35114503816793,8.631320842007865,29.720795743696502,9.259372276320047,2.7429430025445294,1605,70,307,38,33,528,211,393,0.12,0.72,0.16,0.9502,0,3,2,0,0,0,47.0,3,0,0,4,22,24,0,4,16,0,22,5,2,5,3,70,50,36,0,11,13,0,3,6,2,1,3,3,0,4,21,22,0,3,15,0,1,5,6,9,0,2,19,8,54,15,39,29,9,51,0,4,1,0,52,22,0,18,30,203,75,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718127882688418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925784988597945,0.14489651015201144,0.18867811721604325,0.0,0.059209801213855474,0.09129927703645106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165024177279318,0.0,0.162795235753129,0.0,0.08180404724643743,0.0,0.0,0.1061527211426574,0.1923214002116621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011325909042595,0.0,0.3289804918422595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500210149998568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951738892801024,0.0,0.0,0.16845660854653058,0.08976415737312095,0.0,0.08837304622743665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150163036537119,0.0787587562796958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880492496484742,0.1244040024127872,0.08359974668322967,0.0,0.0,0.07406071619851701,0.0,0.0,0.13453834936256345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392738205811592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813291777081434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647901029352055,0.08574527493924561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957015217780918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460055628395987,0.0,0.0,0.2552246417605241,0.08726585781678113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402281952772159,0.0,0.0,0.05811913101759715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456044629907376,0.0,0.0,0.09259870583317684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272547970838917,0.059000103624185674,0.06621978109693144,0.0926473912919172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602515820247198,0.0,0.0,0.08230820290826323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055778532476214816,0.0895212753102572,0.0,0.09347935633887956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924064127926803,0.0,0.0,0.06938259767350598,0.2377926228308149,0.09083179571893893,0.0,0.0,0.07202424941846007,0.2936070939075451,0.0,0.0,0.0737731509357242,0.06702985169416477,0.0,0.0,0.061627777564412636,0.0,0.13906658628112414,0.14558690841256122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206135723676446,0.0,0.0654649365791316,0.06998264056071886,0.07610200939623504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784467263065201,0.0,0.08554469943425602,0.06912293829157679,0.05077054447684327,0.10007283049724022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958940332247627,0.14368183359836248,0.1027109228681546,0.0,0.1396827532080852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185121029670414,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abearythrowaway,2019/10/23,"DAE get triggered and quit jobs? I'm so tired of never feeling comfortable at work. I've quit so many jobs now I had to write them all down just to remember them all. My current job is extremely toxic and I had the urge just to walk out today.. I still do, and part of me wants to not come back tomorrow. But what am I supposed to do? Find another shitty job with more shitty people? Fight for disability benefits? I don't know how I'd pay my bills in the process.

I just feel so tired and done with it all. I'm tired of giving my all to people/jobs and it never being enough. I know that some of you also struggle with similar feelings... 

What do you do to help fix/cope with these feelings? Did anyone else with this issue actually qualify for disability? I feel unable to even function like a normal person at this point and it's severely affecting my job. I'm in therapy and medication management but it hasn't been very helpful yet. Any advice or input would be awesome. Thanks for listening.",1.9815584415584409,4.402377848484849,3.820476190476192,84.46500000000003,81.12121212121212,7.2057720057720065,23.569985569985572,8.269060116576782,1.6701440115440125,786,28,153,17,21,264,121,198,0.127,0.7909999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.6385,7,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,2,2,3,13,6,1,1,3,0,16,4,0,3,6,44,32,15,0,3,7,0,5,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,10,14,0,0,9,0,2,2,5,2,0,0,5,6,17,4,26,24,8,18,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,2,10,106,27,9,0.0,0.0,0.1012202481700106,0.0,0.0,0.10135847968143194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294852598402999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053628558128731,0.10876428811419817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252665277039494,0.10627811138071276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975781566897566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934955939966413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106146279285175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664859452614017,0.0,0.0,0.107175240216972,0.0,0.06850912074269748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622313743290148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948024062289827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419182297294753,0.09950208881403136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390488273244673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082615349975284,0.6175839694343823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400865620747305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050674600740452366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516046524356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044916231751482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599976134952583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162808620972713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123236350472274,0.0,0.07190957822196277,0.09056832079141053,0.0,0.0,0.09805327474501337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064776185774215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749975308570175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717927515122364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283460038407188,0.0,0.0,0.10843547404154387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549567680605302,0.11861812098787805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35764851120101204,0.09831879359496594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558365878422752,0.06117945711030681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551274491753605,0.0,0.0,0.07368298058085132,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ipopo75,2019/04/17,"Is the disorder blown out of proportion by the mass? Am I the only one who despairs every time I read about someone who had to live with someone who had the disorder (or just suspected that they had it)? I was recently diagnosed but I can never relate with those stories. I understand that everyone differs but most of them talk about manipulation and infidelity and are essentially written to warn people not to get near us. I get I'm new to this but am I the only one who thinks these things are going way too far. Manipulation isn't even a sympton, as far as I know. 

I have a hard time understanding this and it's making it really hard to accept that I have this thing when every piece of writting I can find on it is either about finding out if you have the disorder or just plain old bashing.

Sorry about my English. Sorry about the rant.",4.570454545454545,5.923152424242423,5.934924242424245,77.00238636363638,70.2121212121212,9.136363636363637,28.90151515151515,9.516144504307137,2.651151515151516,670,25,126,15,12,226,97,165,0.16699999999999998,0.81,0.023,-0.9518,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,2,0,10,2,0,0,9,0,16,1,0,3,1,30,26,12,0,1,10,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,18,7,0,0,8,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,5,2,16,1,22,21,3,16,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,4,7,102,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359366755155629,0.0,0.13992890516999434,0.4604879947018961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845985634882418,0.0,0.22568450706084384,0.12797636726575165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482016834036174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399463552735445,0.0,0.07611581042623976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399509084556368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360472037375074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182631176104994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939967322222693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329548644407233,0.1293509469005057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053756870546072,0.0,0.18150959560915325,0.20372041657404072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928505707073668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396678018629438,0.0,0.08579933128523815,0.0,0.13224024747214932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269578182175801,0.0,0.0,0.29984854151967577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764829218562348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795499486257746,0.08581728002713439,0.0,0.0,0.15619194595907018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27885282399795897,0.16110194519520252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630782606403104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scrapthat1986,2019/04/17,"I ruined everything: I have a problem and I know this feeling - I hurt somebody (not physically) - need someone to talk to I am not going to tell the backstory. Long story short, I’m the course of time, I acted very toxic to my FP. Tonight is the night all my bullshit came to light. He said: at your best you’re the best, but on your worst, fuck you’re the worst! And I feel extremely embarrassed and guilty. Because I really am guilty. I did all those things (not conceptual stuff, deeds). I really need someone to talk to. This is not gonna be easy, I am shaking. I fucked up like this before. It hurts how I am so familiar with this. I need positive support.",1.201399491094147,3.612593770992365,2.9488244274809183,89.47601017811708,84.57251908396947,6.54676844783715,22.473791348600507,7.793537801064563,1.1984957760814243,508,18,106,10,15,168,82,131,0.321,0.5670000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,0,2,2,14,2,2,6,0,9,2,0,1,2,20,23,6,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,10,0,0,3,4,18,4,12,18,6,12,0,3,0,2,7,4,2,0,5,69,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907117628584064,0.0,0.13829323765379214,0.0,0.3411111231811956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588050867617847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460632231122241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435080777697725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30049573692549064,0.0,0.0,0.09236432065949188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479637732752167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931718596416187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793994577000893,0.0,0.0,0.14382580112809276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615213602179336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251476914309867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551046464384027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822998278075897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459450559916008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754067069724142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604744275912127,0.0,0.1844266873183074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612561390912276,0.14205034986279505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079716035105043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476719028679126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409668741667302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ambear84,2019/04/17,DAE Have to constantly remind themselves that sex≠love? I swear it happens every time. He must love me cause he fucked me. I feel like I screw with my own emotions because I do this. At the same time I feel like I'm not capable of actually being loved and I'm only good enough to be used for sex. I hate myself.,1.0983035714285734,3.3800191875000043,2.725714285714286,91.805,83.6875,5.5321428571428575,21.642857142857146,6.868970318607317,0.5250919642857146,244,8,52,3,7,80,50,64,0.172,0.614,0.214,0.6269,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,1,9,15,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,10,5,6,12,3,4,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,0,5,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.21894097824587755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676651332861475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23047739906879594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245122057924265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523724764794912,0.0,0.2318217190836029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903123473621544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268842238992483,0.3205627038284993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074152934796928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818078931710314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983989788892596,0.0,0.0,0.2215070095259634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192199062720941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049835874709379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063431773624158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616498295342478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377321853992271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwthisaccount80,2019/04/17,"I'm really upset and I havent been able to get it out of my head all day There was a girl in my dbt group and we graduated together. She was an incredibly kind person and incredibly smart, just dealt with bpd like me along with other mental health issues.

She committed suicide on my birthday last year and it got to me and I couldnt really talk to my therapist about it because she was my therapist's patient too, and I know how hard it can be for a therapist to deal with that.

Fast forward today and we're doing persuasive speeches for my public speaking class, and someone was doing one on suicide awareness.

About half way through the presentation, she shows pictures of teenagers/young adults who have committed suicide in our area in the past year. One of the people was the girl I did dbt with.

I havent been able to get it out of my head all day. It threw me off because I wasnt expecting to see her, especially in respect to suicide. It makes me so upset to see her death being used as a prop for some person's shitty presentation because the professor said we needed pathos in our speeches.

I haven't been able to get it out of my head all day. I cant text my therapist about it because my therapist had her as a patient, and I dont want to make her upset because I know how hard it can be for a therapist to deal with that",5.444248154981551,5.429327841328416,6.386104704797052,79.44491351476016,67.63468634686348,9.727029520295202,31.69764760147601,9.516144504307137,2.705104981549816,1059,40,215,20,16,353,124,271,0.136,0.804,0.06,-0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,4,17.0,4,0,0,0,9,7,0,3,11,0,25,4,3,5,5,38,41,14,5,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,5,14,20,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,3,0,3,14,8,36,4,43,23,4,26,0,0,2,0,25,13,0,1,13,151,50,3,0.2549359527498739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25901098427726466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702763601078756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441259919850787,0.1752185153899998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995943459863165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319351321839165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796519008552314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224835942639545,0.0,0.2616378365455196,0.09032833214350587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869563341032081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849218806254139,0.0934040883201239,0.06926894244649986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151627640040525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344781871377127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563849293195386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301059289410119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151674662517531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112173783469583,0.058913496735582126,0.1484001604020611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887899955981556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083415693696241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354339651150528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200213515551067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718114060385066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830262067269714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5920005806588903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054982477611447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339427004329149,0.0,0.0,0.05012261003155092,0.0674520976670014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944693011158926
bpd,marigoldxo,2019/04/17,"Was this a crazy thing to do? I feel like it was kind of a crazy thing to do.. I danced ballet for a long time when I was younger (stopped 2/3 years ago, I’m 19). Anyone who dances will know you get your fair share of warts, callouses, etc. I have two scars left on my feet still that just never went away. 
My boyfriend said something the other day about them and it made me feel really self conscious out of nowhere. I’m generally pretty confident about my body but him disliking something about me just sort of threw me into an internal panic. 
So long story short I cut them off. I cut parts of my own feet off. There wasn’t that much blood as it was mainly my big toes and the skin there is pretty hard but there was enough and it f*cking hurt. So yeah idk I feel like that was a tiny bit insane maybe?
I feel happier though, like I can be peaceful now I’ve fixed the problem and my bf can think I’m pretty again.",1.6133333333333333,3.594130253968256,2.365317460317464,96.80607142857146,79.7936507936508,5.681481481481483,18.965608465608465,6.691623216298621,-0.14220423280423278,714,16,164,7,18,222,120,189,0.18899999999999997,0.691,0.12,-0.9292,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,2,0,15,10,2,1,8,1,15,7,6,1,1,23,29,11,0,1,4,0,6,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,12,6,0,1,7,3,0,4,2,5,0,1,11,7,23,5,18,16,7,25,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,15,102,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394153581069195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776503375936152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136500723180844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264666294591006,0.15530792601301674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017199981681284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444709024577654,0.15593568360412846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28278772765319,0.1997741337588088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304990924100949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252507937825203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967964879682275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560047596104056,0.07684113148216885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519142778221978,0.0,0.0,0.204926211105448,0.0,0.0,0.2474716858958477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323005758883333,0.0,0.0,0.14046746409286054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278340813617737,0.0,0.10783740519710204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640480379812211,0.0,0.15141087521481372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267400418933916,0.0,0.13378836258170096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895719413495978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300034705451233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586221468420318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527973856903454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166002005676058,0.11689534882582248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577970391992116,0.0895906793004926,0.1373719325398453,0.0,0.08152986517001239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658331871788393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296140619048069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003916314884085
bpd,MotherLilith,2019/04/17,Emotional Roller-coasters What could I do to help someone with BPD who is in the throws of an emotional roller-coaster?,4.836818181818182,7.434240863636365,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,72.18181818181819,8.036363636363637,33.72727272727273,8.841846274778883,3.1442000000000005,97,5,17,2,2,29,20,22,0.0,0.731,0.26899999999999996,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332127715850972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746286312803844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7738302561245591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305529654222724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291441030498138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,khayriyah_a,2019/04/17,"What are ways that I can build and maintain healthy romantic relationships I apologise for the super long post, I've just been diagnosed and I haven't had a lot of people to talk to about this that really can relate exactly to my symptoms. I would just really appreciate the support right now.

I'm coming out of a really bad depressive episode right now and it's causing me to reflect on everything, now that I have a clear(er) head. I'm a 22 year old girl and always kind of thought I might have BPD since around a year ago, it explained all of my feelings and behaviors that I've been going throughout my life. I've been seeing a therapist and I finally brought it up to her, she asked me questions and ended up confirming that I do have BPD. I know what's finally wrong with me and why I've been feeling the way I have. Now that I know exactly what's wrong with me I want to make every effort to better myself and focus on my wellness, harder then I ever have in my entire life and I've been struggling with this since childhood.

Without getting into all of the details and my life story and my last relationship let me just skip to why I'm asking this question and be brief. My last relationship was miserable. I normally have always doubted people's love and affection for me and I'm sure you all know what I mean by that. But the relationship was even worse because I was being strung along and had my feelings played with on top of my doubts. But I can't lie to myself and say that I didn't have anything to do with the breakup and my symptoms didn't contribute to it in at least some way.

Ultimately I know most of it wasn't my fault and even my friends and family who know of the situation know I'm not really to blame. They saw the way she treated me and ignored me and how she might as well have cheated on me with the unhealthy and inappropriate relationship she continued to have with her ex-sexual partner. That's what made this worse because I just wasn't imagining rejection in my mind like I normally did, I was actually being rejected in little ways every day for well over a month. This made me feel the way I've been feeling these past few weeks which was honestly the most depressed I've been in my life, I thought I would need to check myself into a hospital because I was worried about hurting myself physically or indirectly with the damaging behaviors I was doing.

But now, I actually feel better. The problem is I'm chronically lonely, I hate not being in a relationship and I hate being alone. I hate not having someone to give me affection. I crave sex and I crave other forms of physical intimacy. I crave that shit to probably a really unhealthy extent. I want to have a relationship, I feel like I deserve to be happy and a relationship will make me happy. At the same time though I don't want to be the way I have been in my previous relationships. I don't want to be clingy, I don't want to be needy, I don't want to be known as high maintenance. I also definitely do not want to end up trapped in the same kind of toxic unhealthy relationship I was in. How do I cope with this is how it all comes down to? I feel like the way I am with no coping mechanisms is a no win scenario, if I'm lonely I just feel depressed and if I'm with someone I just feel depressed because I feel like eventually I will be lonely and I cling onto them to stop them from leaving. I just don't know what to do and I'm already starting to talk to a new girl and I already have a date with her coming up. We've only been talking for a few days and I'm fighting myself to stop texting her every chance I get. I don't want to be this way if we're together.

TLDR: Newly diagnosed with BPD and coming out of a failed relationship, I need help with managing my symptoms in romantic relationships because I see myself getting involved in one soon.",5.461484413656606,5.694055180878554,6.657359393039751,76.66407966353293,67.6046511627907,9.998086755731489,32.23035900819177,9.898777417752306,3.033722227720052,3066,122,601,66,47,1038,280,774,0.14300000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.133,-0.9541,0,9,0,0,2,1,49.0,0,1,3,7,27,50,6,4,34,0,77,14,2,10,8,150,144,47,0,18,19,0,11,4,2,6,10,1,0,3,33,56,0,3,27,1,1,7,19,28,3,1,30,15,104,22,96,95,15,83,0,13,3,2,43,34,1,15,36,429,137,2,0.0,0.0,0.08393303990644542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038121195565761434,0.0,0.0,0.04454004427249951,0.09491381982287583,0.03439095471246405,0.07156694323102024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035389318763183346,0.03828342482346432,0.08040743964918058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035907244775165305,0.131076755400541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606857179765603,0.0,0.0,0.1624892701631521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04417781652516947,0.0,0.14817944571958147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055469127715552936,0.0,0.1481600214203879,0.0872980139532158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617904679366261,0.0,0.0,0.05680858197061772,0.03890033951612396,0.10870029650772904,0.0,0.03864997688865019,0.0,0.040541135467589966,0.0,0.2391899297287073,0.0921679980668332,0.0,0.09421939950277408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033225432417676774,0.0,0.06740476123737242,0.041254160813632285,0.024440641406922863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155890290929752,0.0,0.1273751274365433,0.04413537235379982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028825237498841562,0.04543697419542619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603757026791607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956584541693173,0.16544034629683954,0.07010936815092436,0.0,0.045535915756308935,0.0,0.04397536218560076,0.1215023601309146,0.0840399695335213,0.04310214708296176,0.0,0.03805792978648271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036561176783228184,0.038813546784376,0.08138443813711294,0.057412128778104476,0.0,0.0,0.04684487765450828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124267769151508,0.04342262872151666,0.0,0.03432605270014192,0.0,0.0,0.0637750873421019,0.0,0.041534342091841266,0.0,0.0,0.08427122408482643,0.0,0.0,0.04512634499582028,0.0,0.029141192305229532,0.032707118408599516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04105298552297186,0.05962828196609655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041186748726979895,0.0,0.04636649071459944,0.04114982359255264,0.0,0.0,0.09635052500421312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775000733444062,0.0,0.0,0.5540532437689522,0.0,0.07345179613395457,0.0,0.034199174559236434,0.0,0.0,0.06853857865467146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414384988092933,0.07114809547835364,0.04833924157285719,0.0,0.0,0.0728757221198977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03043904683266132,0.0,0.0,0.07190794311478366,0.0,0.044957995729849216,0.0,0.0,0.04880138237827469,0.04053155240704371,0.13409548389425766,0.0,0.10369698329334816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993193340463215,0.0,0.0,0.04225203658599711,0.06828207795322003,0.02507646782224306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029229490316714,0.3072171598683168,0.034495888336814,0.0,0.11599954649476805,0.0,0.07761035757685446,0.0,0.0,0.041455130769114334,0.0,0.0,0.043673502145776005,0.0876512111722257,0.06109880840373948,0.09403808223852472,0.0,0.05538741350142865
bpd,quiet_themind,2019/04/17,"Ugh, I am SO jealous Here's the thing.

FP is a good friend of mine, and I enjoy being around him. But he's also a good friend of the person I dislike (for some reasons). This person and I were pretty close, but now we don't interact in any way.  I become so jealous when I find out that they're spending time together, cause WELL he is my friend too and I want attention!! Now we even don't talk much cause he's super busy rn. I'm spiraling to awful thoughts like ""he doesn't need you, he is bored of you, he HATES YOU!"" It's obvoius that he enjoys my company, but why he finds some time to see this person and all I get is almost nothing?..

I don't know what to do, cause I GET AWFULLY MAD at every slight possibility that he is around this person. I'm starting to think I'm losing my friend. Like we're keeping scores who deserves to be around and who's the freaking loser.

I want to cry.",0.7790173572228483,2.75802056914894,2.7678835386338214,92.84184210526315,82.67021276595744,5.447256438969768,20.00111982082867,6.5966054737557815,0.13205957446808547,689,19,154,7,19,231,104,188,0.209,0.596,0.195,-0.8468,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,3,0,3,13,21,4,0,5,2,14,0,0,4,1,33,29,12,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,11,12,0,1,7,0,1,0,4,9,1,0,2,1,21,12,16,25,4,14,0,2,1,0,27,7,0,3,8,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035805548520685,0.0,0.0,0.09611999799530294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081736806630835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209974321490189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274607225326684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704205077764681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202870082669138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938774644067663,0.0,0.10126957674159458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971233336766266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714498215105057,0.0,0.12559398382858294,0.0,0.0,0.20162793637395834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866780181218943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683494968583486,0.0,0.0,0.06605609729713174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117442533518265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344676000941128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883572466648236,0.08912316216175632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153304640676801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197989878486512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550194372905236,0.0,0.12228165299914158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358060691593688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577995286796036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507472807883294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966082885224778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985230020210175,0.0770161827999989,0.0,0.0954215032826633,0.14017348788108616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178839768481466,0.09540529556086068,0.0,0.0,0.10806985218211254,0.0,0.10845740510946554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Renegade_Phylosopher,2019/04/17,"I am boiling with rage I am boiling with rage.

A fire is smouldering in my chest, groaning.

It bleeds into the pit of my stomach

rising again, 

only to form a silent sob.",2.38401960784314,4.24327367647059,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,76.94117647058823,5.7098039215686285,26.03921568627451,6.42735559955562,0.99581568627451,131,5,26,1,3,43,27,34,0.309,0.691,0.0,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,3,5,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Royalewithnaynays,2019/04/17,"Cant tell if my job actually expects too much, or it's the mental This is a legitimate wondering. 

I go to bed at 830, get to work at 6, and I have 30 minutes to get a list of things done. Unless I run, I cannot get these things done to full completion in half an hour. 

By 630 I need to make decaf, regular coffee and iced tea, get and count my money drawer, restock anything if needed, turn on the digital menu displays, switch the displays over to the right menu, get a fresh sanitizer bucket, get two of each kind of cup as reserves for the rest of the day, fill the soda fountain with ice, take cooler temperatures, make sure cereal is stocked, make sure trash is taken out if no one did it the night before, and I'm sure I'm missing something 

Until the second cashier gets there I need to be at the cash register at all times but also simultaneously make sure I'm wiping down tables and restocking cups and tableware, and making certain that I help anyone who needs help and also that we dont run out of anything. And then once they get there I go and restock everything I have to get done, make sure everything is good until I get my lunch around 10. Before lunch we (me and the other cashier)need to make sure that all the tables have been cleaned, that we have everything looking nice and have switched the menus again and are ready for the lunch rush. I have to restock everything in the cereal and oatmeal.

My boss just told me that they dont want us to tell anyone we need a minute, or that we dont have anything, or that we can be right back. I'm not permitted to keep water or a drink or anything at my cash register. I can go and get a drink if I have nothing else to do, and I have to immediately throw away my cup.

For reference of where things are, I go all the way around the counter from where I am to get to the storage closet, so restocking anything takes several minutes. Throughout the day I am also supposed to be working on the list of weekly cleaning duties given to me.

I cant tell if it's actually a lot, or if I'm just overwhelmed because of the mental illness",10.107556413301662,6.021520733966748,9.835295427553444,71.41379824821854,61.37529691211402,12.805285035629456,40.08922209026128,10.125756701596842,3.812359738717338,1643,58,335,24,16,541,193,421,0.02,0.889,0.091,0.9803,1,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,7,0,2,2,15,12,0,1,29,0,34,9,0,9,10,76,78,38,0,13,17,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,17,28,8,2,2,2,3,9,8,2,0,4,8,1,36,10,52,67,8,42,0,2,1,0,16,21,0,14,11,225,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.12763973180171648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689836472490726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145682484932063,0.0,0.26908849963095977,0.11643772422313793,0.0,0.0,0.061444393745625936,0.050287696311413464,0.0,0.039866545816552655,0.0,0.1112992477072723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685694738102468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435372521691112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007772584733292,0.2299409753844329,0.12813199536354225,0.0,0.0,0.05463236638056868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351051595275777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100185412603536,0.0,0.14867074600032446,0.0548534716321946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876709717073021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440471605667902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489828999039407,0.058129522994768625,0.0,0.06810286211695556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491858198100421,0.0,0.0,0.055599782924197684,0.0,0.0,0.3055797877271979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318133635011224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807569636023619,0.24246217738122874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613724118324947,0.0,0.06275198221868437,0.0,0.0,0.06964766508789619,0.044315968709910926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170055998617964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388211115576522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034724734095032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698259816045334,0.0,0.09834362663213513,0.0,0.17148449206023478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034431525731388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03813460862293496,0.0,0.0,0.06249142551746305,0.0,0.0,0.07113519379034024,0.06388519584653814,0.0,0.0786667915645596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038573949572906684,0.051910581120094536,0.05245903091894062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709222877656484,0.09522231651415168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emsoutdoors,2019/04/17,"Everything feels like a personal attack. I was diagnosed with BPD 3 weeks ago. I feel relieved to have been diagnosed because I have an amazing therapist who really listens to me and I am understanding myself a bit better. However, it has also triggered massive introspection and analysis of everything I do to see if it's BPD related.  
One thing I am currently struggling with is being overly sensitive and getting my feelings hurt easily. My fiance, who has been very supportive thus far, pointed out during a disagreement last night that I need to stop ""taking everything so personally"" and that ""not everything is an attack on me"". These words stung obviously but also made me feel even more confused inside. I truly cannot see it any other way at times. After time passes and my mood changes, sure. But in the moment it is so difficult for me to accept that the way I am seeing reality is not necessarily how it actually is. It scares the shit out of me that the ""reality"" I experience is totally different from what is actually happening.  
I don't want to feel attacked all the time. I don't want to have a victim mentality. But sometimes the only thing I hear is veiled or plain criticism. I don't feel like I am ever doing enough and that my flaws are pointed out more frequently than my strengths. I am paranoid that co-workers are plotting against me and talking behind my back. I am uncomfortably close to pushing my fiance even further away, because if I'm just all these bad things, why in the world would he want to be with me?  
I know this is BPD but I can't reconcile the feeling. I am so beaten down and feel just plain awful about myself. I am also revisiting old trauma in therapy, which is a weight added to my load when I already felt helpless and overwhelmed.   
I do not know how to pull myself out of this cycle of thinking. I'm still fresh in therapy so I haven't learned healthy coping skills quite yet. Currently, I will completely detach and disassociate and turn inward completely, isolated, so I don't have to confront how I feel. It's very lonely.",5.464240043843625,6.938198207161123,6.6959691267811525,71.92774616368287,68.20716112531969,10.0869930580928,32.89011691633175,10.290406445055957,3.7168618195104126,1653,74,284,44,28,558,206,391,0.179,0.725,0.096,-0.9874,4,2,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,5,22,27,7,4,15,1,43,4,1,6,6,68,74,30,0,7,12,0,11,2,0,2,2,2,0,2,25,19,1,1,17,0,0,3,10,17,0,1,5,16,45,9,39,65,7,43,1,4,3,0,8,19,1,4,21,215,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.15495226633651168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037712032062958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876121697998963,0.19047170387653573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398997486857642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709630592019308,0.07459235404339581,0.06104833034591951,0.0662898539361073,0.09679449397276374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021667277967436,0.08667661324687373,0.0,0.2999781813599326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398728610147256,0.0,0.1664841381037271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116448449627088,0.0,0.08294880606105402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820342108768914,0.0,0.10487667947595376,0.0718155302846393,0.0,0.0,0.28541330181418784,0.07766160611095907,0.0,0.0,0.3612914593897628,0.11343677611005015,0.07622974794569526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041479575175815235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020698378175662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948170160359414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499186801277996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726465297563947,0.06471590626596821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757483677813577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512359344976421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000948889357773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058868916999089874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450496933631848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833096172422642,0.0,0.05379876382979278,0.060381967916307386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386458422958024,0.0,0.0,0.1501041285527889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444424751980059,0.0,0.0,0.05086120042389545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948626142745034,0.0,0.18979786933480988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149579225884175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852172505944086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340336687889132,0.0663761181869039,0.0,0.08299882067958304,0.0,0.0,0.09009425618680196,0.07482698006183172,0.0,0.05969366909229176,0.06381310066323387,0.0,0.0,0.181585670929978,0.09218141332942924,0.15823558047408826,0.050871840303545635,0.0,0.0,0.1388841220966947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635680550648057,0.0,0.082650931876025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101510942467562,0.140484177383515,0.1260369647892948,0.06368429027518276,0.09667930754601874,0.0,0.0,0.07163985011817235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779906280515242,0.0,0.0,0.0563985222218355,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Stars-Hopping,2019/04/17,Any tips for hiding anxiety? I am anxious and I know it. Nothing helps. I’m ok with it. But how do I hide it so ppl stop asking if I’m ok? Are there opposite action practices for anxiety?,-1.6168571428571423,0.1888856000000025,1.9785714285714284,91.055,105.5,5.285714285714287,20.714285714285715,6.868970318607317,0.9429285714285712,144,6,31,3,7,52,30,40,0.413,0.5870000000000001,0.0,-0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25127021378521497,0.0,0.5653274495197987,0.41742574443494174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454292435737061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476656396099721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306555117368305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354541748775658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089155245516382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,valiumhippy,2019/04/17,"i get to the border so easily. my phone wouldn't connect to my TV and suddenly my day was ruined. i just failed to connect my phone to a chromecast device and suddenly felt like life made no sense anymore, and although i rationally knew that that was futile and dramatic, i emotionally felt like dying or on the edge of a panic attack.",8.750564102564105,6.986247953846152,9.38,66.40333333333334,61.769230769230774,12.35897435897436,37.05128205128205,11.20814326018867,4.164743589743591,267,10,47,6,3,91,44,65,0.239,0.653,0.10800000000000001,-0.8684,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,11,8,7,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,2,8,2,6,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27804304913089384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189514241820032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080982843962334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29097073974977505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31536869838521936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.538381580365802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647719451969266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802745955314696,0.27394071439790424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652846169257603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32894354859046765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,2018-,2019/04/17,"Not wanting a diagnosis I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, but reading through stuff it seems likely. I feel like I finally found something I can relate to. Whenever I get into a good mood I think “I don’t need therapy” or “no way I have it, what was I thinking”. Then I’ll rapidly switch emotions and think “ok now is the time I finally see someone”. 

I also just feel like I don’t want to be diagnosed. If I don’t see a professional then there’s no way to make it official.

It’s been like this for a while. Anyone go through this? Don’t know what to do.",1.5052272727272715,3.4429469051724158,3.679623824451412,87.4641222570533,79.94827586206897,7.321630094043888,26.92476489028213,8.296473431620573,1.8640620689655167,435,19,94,9,11,149,70,116,0.053,0.78,0.168,0.9052,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,1,13,2,0,1,0,20,29,8,0,4,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,8,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,4,4,13,6,9,24,0,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,11,63,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818781118633596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208195397104807,0.0,0.13190908334928778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32539199400362223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031024024163184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209988303393347,0.22902948430084025,0.0,0.35119055852131664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575513569205253,0.0,0.0,0.08374749386670223,0.0,0.09109931236680978,0.13444779638394574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809391078477492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132480571341659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699812181931084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885667209521475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033832506839782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554686385714289,0.14592649947273126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581738839875332,0.12340288148718262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349936406117653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331124171392205,0.0,0.0,0.3081315887940727,0.0,0.0,0.09346927264141684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909222565446068,0.25446933559299106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaytoday5165,2019/04/17,"Vent/Support — catastrophic day... did I just break up with my partner? This will be long and I’m sorry for it. This is a throwaway I made for this sub specifically and i’m posting for only the second time here.

I’ll just dive straight in.

Things have been worse than usual lately for my mental health, which I’m sure you all can imagine means it’s been pretty damn intolerable. Depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts have been at an all time high.

I’ve been deeply unhappy at my job that I’ve had for the past 9 months and have been searching since day one for something else. The interviews don’t happen often (very competitive field in major metropolis) so when they do, it’s high pressure.

I had an interview scheduled for this morning at a very reputable company. The interviewer made sure to warn me I would need to show my ID upon entering the building. 

Here’s the thing; I have never lost my wallet in my life. It’s one of those things that I am obsessively checking to make sure is safe (thanks OCD!) I KNOW I had my wallet with me when I left to get in my car this morning. I’m even about 95% sure that as I was opening the car door to get out, that I had it. I walked, maybe 15 feet from the parked car and obsessively checked my pocket again for my wallet. It was GONE. CUE PANIC. It’s not on the sidewalk, it’s not on the street, I tear apart my pockets, my bag, my entire car. This wallet has VANISHED into thin air. I start to second guess, maybe it’s on the table at home, so I get back in the car and start driving, calling my boyfriend incessantly hoping he’ll be able to look for me and give me the answer before I waste my time. He doesn’t. I get home, wallet isn’t there. At this point, I’m in tears, there’s no way I’m going to make this interview.

I’m having a full fledged panic attack so I run back to the car, get back in and drive BACK to where I was parked. Maybe it’s on the ground and I just MISSED it! Nope. Still not there. At this point I have to email the interviewer and explain to him my situation and tell him I can’t make it to the interview. I am devastated and mortified. I so badly wanted this job.

Not to mention, I now have no cash, no credit or debit card, no ID. I have nothing. I don’t even know how I’m getting to work later. 

I get back home after more searching, still panicked, but now more so just completely sobbing because of how disappointed I am in myself, and embarrassed for missing the interview. 

My boyfriend says nothing to me. He doesn’t even get out of bed. I even go in the room and lay in the bed hoping maybe he’ll roll over, comfort me, hold me, just tell me everything’s going to work out. He doesn’t. At this point I’m starting to fume. How the fuck could he offer no support to me right now?

I finally prompt him and he angrily tells me he’s trying to say nothing so I don’t start “yelling” more. Apparently me coming home in a full blown panic attack and sobbing, trying to speak through the tears to tell him what’s going on, was ‘yelling’ to him. 

Needless to say, fight ensues. ALL I want is for him to engage with me and talk to me, ALL I want is his comfort and care and he’s giving none of it. I start to cry again and he says “GOD can’t you just STOP crying now?” 

At some point I tell him, “let’s not be together anymore.” And leave the room. I waited over an hour. All I wanted was for him to try to talk to me. All I want was to feel like he cares.

I can’t help myself so I try to talk to him again and ask him why he doesn’t care I’ve just broken up with him and he said “well I didn’t know you did but now I know and I don’t want to talk to you.” 

I should’ve left him alone after that but I CAN’T. My feelings are loud NOW and I want to have this solved NOW.

I badgered him a few more times before he yelled at me and completely iced me out.

I’m so devastated. I love this guy— he truly has been such a supportive partner to me in so many ways. But every so often, when my emotions come out, he snaps at me and it makes me feel so broken and unloveable. 

I don’t want to be broken up. But I guess he’ll always be miserable with someone with my level of emotions and I know I’ll always be miserable with someone that can’t accept them. 

I’m at a total loss. I am so upset, hurt, and alone. 

The past few months have been some of the hardest of my life. I can’t believe this is happening right now.

Sorry for the long post, but could really use any support or words that anyone has time to offer.

Please and thank you.",1.4971907471548749,3.2915094627659585,3.146620484908464,91.9708139534884,79.37234042553192,6.0316674913409205,21.142998515586342,6.976151619460117,0.3595880752102918,3485,96,782,39,86,1153,334,940,0.154,0.742,0.10300000000000001,-0.9938,3,2,1,0,3,0,111.0,0,5,2,4,58,50,6,10,36,0,72,6,1,10,12,128,158,58,1,14,20,0,4,1,2,5,3,10,9,2,41,47,0,4,14,1,5,18,30,27,1,4,26,15,117,23,113,118,19,135,0,11,1,2,74,63,4,10,50,509,158,12,0.04880218676752773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108869504340616,0.0,0.0,0.08121465770450807,0.0,0.0,0.03318716050021089,0.0,0.037333539299699466,0.0,0.04839865573461665,0.03412362369521632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562345681667727,0.11103906552098912,0.0,0.18762934622508248,0.040747787482182565,0.029749360087963923,0.0,0.0830541329765362,0.054983352616141117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983248910123216,0.0,0.14927124571423248,0.0,0.0,0.08407752531858406,0.10233632865058878,0.0,0.0,0.07792915012758346,0.0,0.10721382117996188,0.06294674632175222,0.0,0.042033251952326864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040767964884439366,0.10979178303741632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289335363822674,0.0,0.04111794717269821,0.0,0.04386025868348555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402755591391663,0.034864291977859806,0.0,0.05346041017178295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045116835278618525,0.203977026800441,0.0936310089017089,0.1109416295472856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752222146323502,0.04832183756872612,0.08631122517365583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187444244074554,0.0,0.0,0.03271107708432715,0.10312437949174927,0.19581028965968209,0.09694316601890088,0.04806032351410014,0.0,0.052243750285472984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685728013163936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410202779994898,0.0,0.05505099234740473,0.0516744693073183,0.1060474374323804,0.049903542419111095,0.068940855532062,0.02384228336094368,0.0,0.0,0.0863767991480089,0.04098154573990978,0.0,0.05327335178580881,0.0,0.04404587892227725,0.09235561821389134,0.13030335449006214,0.0494777575761763,0.19611342427085715,0.05315988824113165,0.0,0.0,0.049181125864839983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790687975564077,0.0,0.0,0.03618620311785862,0.03763925499449965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404810432170955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613924952839492,0.03711626214746404,0.0,0.17177655345944318,0.0,0.0,0.09317441870428074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357014604910693,0.18453536302440746,0.0,0.09347800950574624,0.04964936864541839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03126393049468961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335360169770085,0.0464220552042388,0.1552378307755488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040369673201981864,0.054855702658172016,0.0,0.0,0.0826998689580886,0.0375703076327678,0.0,0.10926010518473678,0.1727121948876646,0.0,0.07794697878580446,0.04080081335492257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053381671408243334,0.2215205728468495,0.18398193391295184,0.0,0.0,0.1569013965190384,0.21327631139136471,0.08986099358992948,0.0,0.0,0.09726601315930687,0.0,0.0,0.038743485036256485,0.14228473780467682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253392542191253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04214942030361603,0.05374871400341808,0.08053383012334135,0.2302783534123788,0.07747380860249778,0.0,0.0,0.04387902681102328,0.0,0.044036382863119616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105714639599871,0.0,0.04973359760356768,0.03466767327650948,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rustyoldshovel,2019/04/17,"Codependent FP wondering if too much validation constitutes as 'enabling' I'm in love with someone who has been diagnosed with BPD.
I've read a lot of articles to better understand her, the disorder and the ""do's and don't's"", so to speak, and some of her behaviors towards me did not make sense UNTIL I read what an 'FP' is and now I'm fairly certain that I'm hers.

The thing is that, after hours of terrifying self-reflection, I have come to realize that I have codependency issues. I put her needs before my own (which is fine most of the time... I mean, it's not healthy, I just don't feel resentment towards her because I don't feel 'forced' to do anything, she really does NOT force me), I have low self-esteem, I hate myself, yada yada yada, I fear abandonment (she's the queen of ghosting) and so on... I can confidently say I tick almost all of the boxes...
Almost. I'm not sure if I am enabling her in any way. 

I think I'm in love with her, I do care about her and, looking back I think I've done everything and more in my power to support her, to be there as she was trying to get better for her other mental health issues and I've tried to remind her time and time again that she actually does not need me at all. She can rely on me if she wants but she doesn't need to, that's what I tell her all the time.
I read that people who have codependency issues need to 'feel needed', to be useful to others and to present themselves as a reliable source of support just so they won't be rejected by others.

I have NEVER told her that she 'needs' me, as I've stated before, but now I can't help but wonder if I'm subconsciously enabling her negative behaviors (i.e. Giving validation whenever she needs it, forgetting that I have my own needs just so I can satisfy hers etc.) and, ultimately, being an obstacle to her well-being.

I try to be there as much as possible even if she deals with things on her own most of the time, she doesn't need me to function in her day to day life but whenever I don't understand that she's indirectly asking for validation or support she's deeply hurt by it (which I understand, I've done my 'homework').

So... What is the healthiest thing to do? 
I understand I have to set boundaries, yes, but how do I deal with being her FP in a way that doesn't harm her? 
Should I just keep being there for her in a more reasonable way and make peace with the fact that I'm not perfect nor am I required to be? 
How much validation is 'too much' validation? 
Am I even enabling her in the first place? 
Am I even making sense?? Gee. I just want things to work out.",4.111542857142858,4.749339925714288,5.588761904761905,81.71057142857143,70.6952380952381,9.2,27.190476190476193,9.3871,2.127419047619048,2011,64,423,42,35,682,205,525,0.069,0.8220000000000001,0.109,0.9627,1,1,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,0,1,12,25,20,2,1,17,1,48,5,0,7,8,93,96,38,1,17,22,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,28,20,0,3,14,3,0,2,18,8,0,1,6,6,80,12,64,80,17,41,0,4,1,2,49,17,0,15,17,311,108,6,0.0,0.0,0.06710588854275425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377188259012034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046763371993392866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056588720798704535,0.0,0.06428711135829827,0.0,0.0,0.052876960741157004,0.0,0.04191923537266805,0.0,0.11702993740443085,0.0,0.0,0.12163622588553487,0.0,0.0,0.08660861773556569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011172077835594,0.0,0.0,0.05923598966431416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886970162451569,0.14178985900497945,0.0,0.06979624234840133,0.0,0.0,0.07881201928482562,0.0,0.12035552464947505,0.1407433891087697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669248707987615,0.13625827353237965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180262371435007,0.0,0.0,0.07738108966652267,0.10431076605490776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849249196394711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592749966630422,0.06596680212155348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789238274068042,0.0,0.07309525166490262,0.0,0.0,0.04609253226075848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772085206260386,0.0,0.07361563605039285,0.0,0.0,0.21532213067120567,0.0,0.061122555431097465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857159853685112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057746286196659335,0.0,0.0,0.058462561511937725,0.12412835504895366,0.0,0.13770591125068524,0.0,0.0,0.07490654793836413,0.0,0.0,0.0693001525049657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022042682807907,0.4589033730910268,0.05303673035994668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767382246696775,0.0,0.07184603963389749,0.0,0.0,0.07752355470710334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912902124739002,0.0,0.0,0.2063544180638827,0.0,0.044053386600804836,0.07070310341925061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546856398573044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434762814585719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058265375488622574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341051960176184,0.0648113267748571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060104687093731374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274082254005075,0.08812520464749413,0.0,0.0,0.2004906121118796,0.0,0.0,0.06570904805985044,0.0,0.14006320131418226,0.0,0.0,0.2863521446214773,0.0,0.059391915164038765,0.0,0.0,0.08112016921860966,0.16375021891676314,0.0,0.0,0.06182906951195485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914801436255426,0.05006261035324111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bnoodleprincess,2019/04/17,"i’ve ruined everything again I’m sorry for posting something negative and unhelpful but I feel so alone and i don’t have anyone to talk to.

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over a month and i’ve already ruined it. I really like him but he drinks a lot and it seems like every time we have a drink together, I do something awful. I can’t seem to control myself when I drink. It’s quite a big part of his life and I wish I could stop after a few and not drink so much that I have an episode but once I start, I can’t seem to stop.

I am in therapy and I am trying so, so hard to control my behaviour and words so that my illness doesn’t present to others, but I can’t do it when I drink. Last night, after a few drinks, I was talking to him about something and he interrupted me to say ‘I’ve heard this story a few times already’. I felt so angry with myself for being repetitive and boring and I felt so attacked, that I got the scissors from his kitchen drawer and cut myself on my arm. He (rightly so) became angry with me and said that if I ever do it again we are over. I feel like it’s already over though, he can’t even speak to me today. I don’t blame him. He won’t let me speak about it - i’m being dramatic and he doesn’t want to hear it. Which is fair enough. I know I make everything worse and worse. I don’t know how I’m supposed to fix this now. I can’t fix it. It’s ruined just like everything else good i’ve ever faked my way into getting.

I am so scared, I’m so pissed off that I have a personality disorder and I feel like i will never be capable of relating to others. I will always be broken. 

I really wasn’t trying to make him feel bad. I didn’t think about how my action would impact him, I was too drunk for that. All i could think about was how stupid and annoying and dull I am and wanting to punish myself. I wish I could stop myself before I do awful things but I didn’t ... yet again. The millionth time. 

My life will only ever be an exercise of having to forgive myself over and over and over again for who I am, when I don’t even deserve forgiveness. I wish I could lock myself away and never speak to anyone because I know that I’m toxic and horrible. 


Thank you for listening. I wish I had never been born.",1.327266344888109,3.017492127882601,3.4058807469162886,90.40199648968849,79.50314465408805,6.282073033981766,20.526985519964896,7.215322853602372,0.4496277022085709,1743,45,386,22,43,593,189,477,0.249,0.657,0.094,-0.998,0,1,9,0,0,1,45.0,2,1,0,3,35,23,6,1,12,2,51,14,2,7,7,83,87,46,0,12,9,0,7,5,0,5,4,8,1,1,24,28,8,5,16,8,0,1,20,14,0,0,14,16,75,9,45,58,8,47,0,4,1,0,30,13,1,5,36,280,99,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361839578842012,0.2353186868459914,0.0,0.059145019254074664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940286335087707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086480758298899,0.06678286377464711,0.0,0.059349598787039,0.043330268819229634,0.0,0.06048462719501237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944659085690138,0.22700932147098146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146489198666057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177934423258741,0.0,0.0,0.05937898739443345,0.0,0.0,0.07344559104093808,0.0,0.09389655398870013,0.19289028362529886,0.05988874043071338,0.0,0.1916488415499007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376259470438432,0.10156044628361406,0.1364976595234235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03713684671736086,0.0,0.0,0.05961930292200336,0.05684990474387109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367454221719925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011336235668155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719264340330787,0.05794043649163577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268505613761941,0.10041311120639868,0.17363273432424292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060430455938723815,0.0,0.0,0.09489413152765716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673611184741203,0.0,0.05225265455769116,0.0,0.16446596151092094,0.0,0.0,0.06670462786074448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569885950934828,0.0,0.054060242360147004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697370910677788,0.0,0.0,0.06206511724764072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807587236488524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560330748358683,0.0,0.0,0.09107251441207903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070271693127305,0.06761423187568309,0.05652640021944566,0.0711644006539486,0.0,0.05664229001778012,0.19412819868540115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416469374824802,0.0,0.0795692699754465,0.05031144072150611,0.0,0.0,0.1782804946544657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426430130228347,0.0,0.06544176071521683,0.08128722628923578,0.0,0.047223004513998856,0.09109156627449494,0.06983664257772831,0.0,0.12434356745262427,0.0,0.06737640047641115,0.0,0.0,0.09651855702473766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838507360083089,0.05642072540837511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269581982100437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487505930467695,0.05049384584968356,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OokySpookyMe,2019/04/17,"DAE struggle with addiction? I've known for a while that I have a constant need to drink (it runs in the family so I'm not surprised) but now I've started going down the drug path. My significant other has told me many times hes concerned about how much I drink so I started to wind back on that limiting myself to one drink a week at most be it one beer or one regular sized glass of wine. I've been doing much better with that however I seem to be developing a *need* for drugs. My significant other called me out in it last night and found that I had been sneaking around getting my fix. He is thankfully understanding but not at all happy. He said that it kills him to see me hurt myself like this and he wants it to stop. He also said that me sneaking around and lying/omitting the truth hurts our relationship. 

Now it's the next day and we're ok (I hope) but I'm sitting here feeling like ass. I hate myself because I never thought I'd be sitting here with one foot in the door of AA and or rehab. I always told myself I'd never let it get that bad but now I go back and think about how whenever I was upset the first thing I grabbed was alcohol and now drugs too. 

I guess I don't really have any questions...I just dont want to feel alone. I hate hurting my significant other like this and hate myself for doing it. I hate lying. I hate omitting the truth. The trouble is self preservation kicks in and I don't want him mad at me so I lie and keep my mouth shut. I've been trying so hard to do better but then shit like this happens. 

Please tell me I'm not alone on this island. I feel awful.",1.4724026946107784,3.440334305389221,3.177630988023953,90.87087761976048,80.19760479041916,6.0911676646706585,20.916541916167667,7.1686216300943375,0.4736529940119762,1254,35,274,16,32,416,166,334,0.231,0.647,0.122,-0.9939,1,2,9,0,0,2,29.0,1,0,0,4,21,28,8,2,12,2,22,15,4,2,5,54,59,26,1,6,11,0,5,4,0,0,6,2,1,1,23,16,6,3,9,5,0,3,8,15,1,5,12,8,40,13,31,43,4,40,0,3,1,1,16,14,2,6,25,177,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168919952871442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988495624971964,0.0,0.17421926758001832,0.0,0.06726045112041411,0.06998387987878281,0.0,0.0,0.057195740759385674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974637637072905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934640124423594,0.07022595046462758,0.05127093314711234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877186451999408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588279578817462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088994096008253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054242148620139964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857294410009752,0.2471789378939361,0.292612747626932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792887281926972,0.0,0.12758129449117522,0.06008615909494661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154149207232216,0.0,0.09221914005687568,0.0,0.0,0.08788502066690937,0.0,0.09560005416808752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265349930503043,0.0,0.07437566795788407,0.08953361669162448,0.07534347896180553,0.4151919501572291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353736970018734,0.0,0.0,0.27011530537000955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747582923550117,0.0930520911824802,0.0,0.0,0.06855854641175943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600525119225995,0.0,0.16436200478383006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527144091356438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365685381566804,0.12472876024342992,0.12973722599908086,0.0,0.08944889975833323,0.07892885525172337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22797270468634154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232438508403512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388118889178111,0.0,0.0,0.0902995943560379,0.0,0.0,0.1600103048865938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702250283552674,0.07656798329048156,0.0877420922574251,0.0,0.08633477267518437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906293609803212,0.0,0.0,0.0703173368328816,0.0,0.08792704650224152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351334933508998,0.07743455626036108,0.0,0.0,0.05587704792564142,0.053892460536186654,0.0,0.06677167593879517,0.0490435509084409,0.0,0.0,0.16073595714647015,0.0,0.05710322852272414,0.0,0.0,0.08755850108487777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488257145883525,0.0,0.06746567609804227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,o_uchie,2019/04/17,"stop asking i have to spend a lot of time throughout my day processing a lot of complicated and irrational feelings. any time i go quiet or have a facial expression that looks anything other than happy, my boyfriend pesters me OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN asking me what’s wrong

he asks what’s wrong. i’ll say “nothing.” i’m not pouting or acting stupid about it when i say this. not even a minute later he’ll ask what’s wrong again. i say “nothing” again. this happens until i get increasingly frustrated, and then FINALLY i’m actually upset because it’s fucking annoying and somehow he’s completely boggled by this and starts sulking.

i’ve told him that it takes me awhile to process things. i’ve told him i’ll come to him when i’m ready to talk about things if i’m actually upset. i’ve repeatedly demonstrated that i am capable of and willing to do this. i’ve told him asking repeatedly and not taking “nothing” for an answer annoys me and i’ve asked him to stop doing it. i’ve told him this calmly. i’ve told him this firmly. i’ve told him this all but screaming. because it keeps happening.

what fucking gives? now i get frustrated if asks me if i’m ok even once and i’m stuck feeling like i’m Mean And Ungrateful. i feel like there’s a difference between being concerned and fucking pestering me until i break down and want to scream at him and tell him to leave me alone.

what am i supposed to do? how do i communicate this? am i in the wrong?",1.8762844827586207,4.372695296551726,3.4471336206896552,86.48966594827587,82.24137931034483,6.521551724137932,24.92456896551724,7.756953410329674,1.5391465517241372,1156,46,227,21,32,381,134,290,0.17800000000000002,0.753,0.069,-0.9807,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,13,21,8,2,7,1,11,4,1,1,1,38,53,26,0,4,9,0,3,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,24,15,0,3,5,0,1,4,3,16,0,0,7,10,31,5,26,43,4,30,0,0,1,3,33,6,3,8,21,137,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.1540769032718335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176270156241645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536849723605123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496460333152257,0.0,0.5166172058393327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962476783185547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800370316164554,0.08277181434440965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050912676552216235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824802080676093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428420558880216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975014533495985,0.11279594415366392,0.0,0.08647984941150905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189487758295288,0.08249049392077071,0.07573076529013657,0.044865983004469284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396207348869218,0.08403789641692525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016950572738781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359083497034632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713659764508207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629350378813356,0.0,0.0,0.1342315947334409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599371226396246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22724815285832556,0.0,0.0,0.08407332423361083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833952337768395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587732887728536,0.0,0.0,0.13200228668141228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187128900547958,0.06345260492681222,0.06900097935238944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489444611250456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206635459298516,0.0,0.0,0.4526091612162253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656351602485426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452537050268625,0.0,0.0
bpd,lollsie,2019/04/17,"Literally all of my friends are diagnosed with BPD. I only have four friends, and I rarely speek to most of them. But that makes me wonder if BPD is easily diagnosed, or maybe overused by the health care system. I don’t have BPD myself, however I’m staying at hospital from time to time. And I overhear people saying they’re diagnosed with it quite often. What do you think?",3.9987499999999976,5.987974708333336,4.823333333333338,81.855,72.75,8.688888888888886,27.277777777777786,9.2995712137729,2.450844444444445,297,11,56,7,6,96,56,72,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.8957,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,1,13,11,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,9,3,9,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,2,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6257019573121667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688401688289373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042413398602871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558841956199256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602498547583384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053924149529606,0.0,0.16636739131377515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594621162217742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480614289142495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613591334329498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169171378940228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176507495305985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610975073486466,0.0,0.0,0.19312530585064047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958606382720801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xXMichMan43Xx,2019/04/17,"How do you deal with the public perception of the BPD? Luckily for my my girlfriend and a hand full of my closest friends have all stayed in my life despite my BPD but as soon as I tell plenty of people will just google ""BPD"", read all the ""run for your lives"" articles and social media posts and want nothing to do with you. How do you deal with this negative perception and the people you lose over it?",10.566708333333333,6.3885825875,9.56,74.01833333333335,60.625,13.16666666666667,39.16666666666667,10.504223727775694,3.757416666666668,317,10,65,5,3,100,52,80,0.111,0.802,0.086,-0.7369,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,5,2,1,2,2,16,6,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,1,13,5,3,8,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,0,1,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6932788622309395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37832998877389534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417600679757468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129600892885659,0.0,0.0,0.16202063046463538,0.0,0.0,0.20527279891922445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760588211826221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441081393702736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757279250978347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835346693513315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703986669351194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557061327828887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037399115144976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822421619283537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,violetjedi,2019/04/17,"Scared of the possibility of breaking down in the middle of a hike. Doing my first major climb (2880+ masl) in two days.

All fees are paid, my FP is coming with me, I got my climbing kit BUT I feel like shit. I’ll be carrying heavier emotional baggage compared with my backpack. I’m determined to push through with the hike but I’m just worried of overwhelming emotions to surface at the wrong place and time—say, complaining about something petty like a difficult trail or heat might lead to a catharsis, annoy my group and stress my FP out.

Just curious, has anyone in this sub ever experienced an extremely inconvenient breakdown and how were you able to survive it?",6.578980000000001,7.518411167999999,6.7405500000000025,74.56602500000002,65.32,9.77,35.625,9.827888789773867,3.6014199999999987,536,25,93,11,8,172,93,125,0.213,0.71,0.078,-0.9637,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,5,6,10,2,3,8,0,7,1,1,2,2,19,13,7,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,8,0,2,3,2,10,2,19,8,2,18,0,1,0,0,3,9,1,2,5,59,12,1,0.20755800613892925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451293838563583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879284384682806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385774311417944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669496407248488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877480994727692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494756432413456,0.14827948105770164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654873399071666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660030982940065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028047152792589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201862443936748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685393994548333,0.0,0.0,0.2339904657581556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505845725003818,0.2078017729319958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305531061291674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978829349245816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377569947668421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102874251688014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275401263987206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107852303394591,0.0,0.0,0.2269320967112497,0.0,0.0
bpd,danyka90,2019/04/17,"When everyone is asleep in the house except you and your head won't shut up. I decided to write down how I was feeling. How did I get to this point in my life? The point where I feel like I can no longer go on. The point where I want the world to stop so I can get off.
I feel like I'm stuck on this emotional rollercoaster and the controls are broken and I feel sick and frightened because no one is there to help so I just keep going up high, down low, speeding up and slowing down, it won't fucking stop. I'm screaming and crying, pleading desperately for help but there is no one. Just me. It's dark now, there's no light, it's gone and I don't think it's coming back anytime soon.
I feel my nose start to twitch, my eyes begin to well up, the tears flow down. All this anger and frustration built up inside me has now turned to sadness and guilt.
I want to start again.
I would do anything to start my life again. I want another shot at this. 29 years on this planet and I haven't achieved a single fucking thing.
I can't hold down a job, I struggle to maintain relationships.
I am unstable, I can't deny this but I am so deeply ashamed to admit it. I am frightened by my own thoughts. What does it want me to do next? Hurt myself? Tell a loved one to fuck off? Be an absolute selfish bitch? Remind myself again and again that I'm an unworthy useless human being that doesn't deserve to be loved, to be touched, to be held tight in someone's loving embrace.
I'm cold and any given attempt of offering me warmth I will push you away. Being so cold that I'm now numb is what I deserve or at least that's what I tell myself.
I loathe who I see in the mirror. Who the hell is this? Look at the state of it. Grose.
Go and put your make up on, sort your hair out and try and squeeze into your jeans that get tighter day by day because the only pleasure you get out of life now is gorging on food at night which will then result in putting more hatred upon yourself.
You need to starve yourself but you won't do it because you have no willpower. You're useless.
Damn, you really are doing so well at this aren't you.
Piece of shit.
Nobody likes you, why can't you just accept that and fuck off once and for all. Stop trying to seek attention online from strangers who wouldn't give a damn if you dropped dead tomorrow.
My mind will torture me every minute of every day until I can't take no more and become so irrational that thoughts go racing around 100mph and I can't breathe properly.
What shall I do? Take an overdose? Cut myself? Pack my bags and go? Scream? Cry?
I WANT HELP! ANYONE, SOMEONE, PLEASE!!! I can't cope like this much longer. I am trapped in this body that I can never escape from.
I hope and pray that one day I can turn this all around. I want to be the best mother and partner I can be. I need support but so do they, from me! I want my friends to know that deep down I care but right now I physically dread leaving the house. I don't feel good enough to be in someone else's company because I have nothing to offer.
All this hatred towards myself needs to stop but I don't know how to.
Once upon a time I was a beautiful innocent little girl and now I'm just one big messed up, damaged adult that has become so depressed that I'm supposed to accept that something so little such as having a bath or doing a food shop is an achievement.
That actually kills me inside.
I had dreams and aspirations. I still dream now of what I could have been and how successful I could have become but instead I threw all of that away. I wanted a career, I wanted to travel the world. Go to parties and gigs. Learn to play the piano and guitar. Perhaps become a singer.
People will tell you it's never too late but in my eyes it is. Why? Because mentally I am too exhausted to contemplate even doing one of those things.
I can't focus, my concentration levels are so low now.
For now I will carry on getting up each day, feeling like a burden to those around me.",1.5774877149877111,3.66223794963145,2.8020829238329235,93.09582708845207,80.43734643734643,5.445921375921376,21.477211302211305,6.508806274219699,0.27828702702702746,3097,92,667,28,80,995,335,814,0.23199999999999998,0.633,0.135,-0.9986,2,1,1,0,0,3,90.0,0,16,1,6,51,54,14,4,29,0,76,25,9,7,7,111,148,56,2,18,16,1,11,5,2,11,7,2,1,4,50,35,2,9,18,7,1,14,25,33,2,6,12,21,96,21,96,114,15,122,2,8,4,7,41,64,9,5,47,462,146,6,0.0,0.0,0.055380293662925816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859228049730322,0.05950783884353261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968126339768787,0.0,0.046700819315504884,0.15155990857777954,0.0,0.0,0.1066379103603678,0.043637625213509855,0.0,0.17297286538308776,0.2507058382376649,0.0,0.0,0.05955613994171136,0.0,0.0,0.06303700293338275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786090863612677,0.0,0.0,0.04888552367403187,0.0,0.0,0.06365050217238283,0.09062129978312074,0.0,0.124675500940748,0.18299686187571054,0.0,0.04887911545031725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966273782960827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047407753854521374,0.06383666489412529,0.0,0.058638428416430785,0.0,0.03748316462282225,0.0,0.0956294739799738,0.05422752692630493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008632767923466,0.12162768809409537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724583995562575,0.0,0.04384528920719657,0.20985966090253574,0.14824894843817935,0.05444024291799962,0.19351567391354002,0.047599620032749965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058242377128254426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114115975260906,0.05996001042979623,0.0,0.056366043356952514,0.0,0.13096489619499566,0.06075257523870493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056316106390336525,0.05044244466036703,0.06278601091787805,0.0,0.062377172305294375,0.0,0.06401702665440256,0.06009057671699999,0.0,0.0,0.12025365205922732,0.13862711863461125,0.11375780339268945,0.0,0.0,0.04765612015519104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365860367366874,0.0,0.03788139396701369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719114790001448,0.0,0.05730181899509928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041718141285591925,0.12623931181288447,0.08753895570234285,0.0,0.060354791874642925,0.05325649219265867,0.0,0.05445362747392902,0.0,0.0,0.12087484331279133,0.2307336118434773,0.04316130630691553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934364547714403,0.0,0.0,0.06229499816941246,0.16094267445984922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409983774738253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036355818241563226,0.0,0.0,0.0609287899398183,0.0,0.04846460993789632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452227944724276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825356433039774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425352267937294,0.043689301183948336,0.0,0.0,0.12050487061767093,0.0,0.04532101607788944,0.1897838091332076,0.0,0.0593279359067851,0.0,0.0,0.06439978559761525,0.0,0.0,0.08533861433092631,0.0,0.14880729369890078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540501017302569,0.036363423676107634,0.0,0.09010710283290307,0.03309166815768067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705971749614754,0.12345647758013238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012561938886748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205101521890902,0.0,0.10241698379283458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031392114029808,0.0,0.0,0.03654545609640751
bpd,lliterallly,2019/04/17,"DAE Lie in the hospital? I'm NOT encouraging this in any way, shape or form. But every time I've been in the hospital for MH stuff I lied to GTFO outta there. I know I shouldn't, but the goal for me is always to get what I need regarding meds or something and go. Last time, there was a young girl, barely 18, who was newly diagnosed with BPD. She said she had once stayed in the hospital for four months. Another girl with BPD had already been in the hospital for a week. But my close friend with BPD says she lies to get out of the hospital too. Is that a BPD thing? I hate going to the hospital, being there feels like a waste of my time. They change my meds and I leave. 
Again, do NOT do this. I was just wondering if people already do. So far I only know me and my friend that do, and I know many people with BPD.",1.595087719298245,3.23204441520468,3.2092163742690083,92.35873684210527,78.53216374269006,7.133099415204679,19.587134502923977,8.021203637495839,0.5457583625731002,629,14,146,11,15,208,94,171,0.10099999999999999,0.831,0.067,-0.6057,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,7,5,1,0,11,0,15,1,0,0,0,26,28,11,0,3,9,0,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,2,8,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,8,3,19,4,20,18,1,21,0,0,0,0,12,9,0,4,9,94,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24341887968794446,0.0,0.09177138364305387,0.0,0.0,0.07500201870873366,0.1156502799198618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6945415707680622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166738087730565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194357573602114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292536621479976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576670867018105,0.07879228713084922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704219164575045,0.0,0.11524553885938305,0.0,0.1253624300703587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088900467061372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184001245663028,0.08990231287064099,0.0,0.1167827995928348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388286782429199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181829489060936,0.0,0.0,0.2450180405214692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803364260305581,0.0,0.0,0.08177976790832775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745687405276213,0.0,0.08388167429885034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292451216261982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491249629217482,0.0877082470497661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490780390650847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755609034893273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262574085216452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327278811788182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929356246080617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754427848993686,0.08846920826132301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960645358477655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,androdyke,2019/04/17,"A big mistake...? So, I've been with this girl for almost 3 years now, and I think I've ""fallen out of love"" with her and of course any normal person would try and break up with them asap right? Well, I want to.... but I also can't even handle the idea of letting go as I've become so used to her presence but I also wouldn't care if we broke up and didn't talk anymore. 

I don't want to be left alone because that's when I start disassociating and certain symptoms get more intense for me. But I don't want to be with her, she is not at fault here though. I seem to do this with friends too, I push them away or just straight up break off the friendship because they've upset me or I've gotten bored during the day. I've lost a few fp because of how impulsive I am when it comes to cutting ppl out of my life...

I'm just confuses because I don't know what to do. I'm torn between wanting to break this off and not bc if I do I will literally have nobody around for me anymore.",2.4789731437598728,3.162978729857824,3.9888909952606646,91.51847077409164,74.49763033175356,6.384960505529226,24.493206951026856,6.079149491110277,0.4375153870458135,756,22,178,4,15,252,121,211,0.131,0.747,0.122,-0.6092,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,2,1,17,13,1,2,5,0,18,3,0,2,1,44,36,22,0,10,11,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,6,16,0,0,4,0,0,4,8,8,1,0,4,0,24,5,33,26,2,27,0,2,0,1,12,14,0,7,6,118,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201848295425732,0.15723216585544353,0.0,0.2428091118273037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323783726359913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011147967585574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351454831191965,0.0,0.0,0.14263302264144798,0.0,0.0,0.3701744348315565,0.16766519233569832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547831585158034,0.0,0.0,0.1307731927880808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790662797133276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002708520872724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729011018833944,0.0,0.07931586636570984,0.0,0.08627865207757374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137805193242828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834322859446912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494493537336868,0.15523876443447365,0.10722979485073886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657214880470069,0.0,0.13701688278758753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874420646150718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255698802463706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964721051304495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820457421469046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745380563147867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577915162898772,0.0,0.12202129224162606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972754438827122,0.14915520028617502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307085344440996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311174239818469,0.0,0.0,0.35817223915203084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649784316958175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784338153923012,0.0,0.0,0.09776239705421318
bpd,whogivesashii,2019/04/17,Ideas? literally about to kill my self. any ideas?,0.4800000000000004,-0.1838763333333304,1.313333333333336,90.99000000000002,145.66666666666666,5.6444444444444475,14.111111111111107,6.42735559955562,0.31104444444444423,39,1,8,1,3,12,8,9,0.387,0.613,0.0,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423717141419118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8046893138047153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943159848084716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37181442220136224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LilyMorticia666,2019/04/17,"Help! I don't know what to do anymore. Third day of excess anxiety and selfharm So, today is wednesday and on monday my boydirend and I got into a fight. It was from a most redicilous thing: I was going to see my friend at 7pm, my boyfriend game to my place after work and went straight away to hang out some friend. I was planned if we could eat to gether and obviously I flipped from that.

He might have also borderlineish symptoms but he is 27 and I'm 20 so mine are much stronger. I started bobming texts and calls trying to say I'm sorry and said his behaviour was triggering me more. He came back to take his PS4 to go his own place for a night. I got even more upset even I thought it was ok for him to go but I couldn't control of me being hysterical. I just have needed a hug from him but he just yelled at me. When I got yelled I got really scared and I ha e immediately suicidal thoughts.

So, he went to an elevetor, I held the door open and he yelled to me to go back to my appartment. From there I have some kind of black out and I notice my leg is bleeding. I cutted my self not being conscious. I wanted to kill my self but I didn't try. From that I started taking benzos and do something to calm down. The benzos made me sleepy so I slpet.

The next day I had all day lasting anxiety, feelings of suicide and I was crying all the time. I cutted againg and I was angry to my bf because he left me. Of course I understand that he needs time because this must be very exhausting for him too. I had rage explosions and took more benzos.

Now it's the third day, assumably my bf is coming tonight at my place. How can I control this anger and sorrow towards him? I know I acted out and it is ok for him to stay in his appartent if he wants. It's just like my logic and emotions are in contradiction. How can I regulate my anxiety and hate. (my benzos all out :D)",0.943105523857298,3.0886165038560414,2.791991974418462,91.9442096683178,83.19023136246787,5.851677221142392,21.82713649758605,7.11905507035037,0.6250627750956173,1456,48,319,20,41,484,190,389,0.174,0.753,0.073,-0.9937,0,0,1,0,1,1,36.0,1,0,0,4,18,20,7,2,10,3,32,6,1,6,5,69,66,33,3,9,10,0,1,1,4,2,3,5,1,2,12,28,1,3,9,1,0,11,4,11,0,2,23,8,62,9,46,36,11,52,0,1,2,1,31,20,0,7,21,219,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565182801461473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710691825388606,0.0,0.09381808057201776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888009858336866,0.14548358713384196,0.0,0.1153349331437036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965974861624042,0.10819754465733884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148978442590273,0.0,0.0,0.21220456735674526,0.07553064413263505,0.0,0.10391399059768988,0.24403747701350445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967997268116762,0.0,0.10641260785867776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496521567741595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783275554430981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617591863841545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505412870824286,0.0,0.30264201637957266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339821390764944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340858891458623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466121890759478,0.09851165793617207,0.10397970487438978,0.07711187296066521,0.0,0.0,0.10278350584819068,0.0,0.0,0.04621692952885089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951309390058207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035597176675264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954210744842887,0.14028985178108894,0.0,0.0,0.10060849530282302,0.08877597582870678,0.0,0.0,0.10770307180646108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965115455046541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060603376387804664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998655126602823,0.07522995780804745,0.09471140631364336,0.0,0.07538419343255633,0.0,0.1973774948734038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282793489004788,0.0,0.1058972940047708,0.13391716253103736,0.10083133587211293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695475414477305,0.0,0.0,0.0983259364748826,0.14225530918729914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284823769717504,0.0,0.0,0.15020414702024434,0.11032439469991262,0.0,0.08967002578301149,0.0,0.10510441726793114,0.12845479182250752,0.0,0.0,0.09848225153042726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805515720017006,0.11159541926585938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539085701204346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887014716226261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gcoconutmilknoodles,2019/04/17,"Jealous of my boyfriend’s (female) bestfriend How can I deal with this jealousy? It doesn’t help that I’ve now befriended her. It actually makes me feel even more shitty knowing that she is a sweet person. She asks me out sometimes (without my boyfriend) and we always have a good time. But every time when the three of us hang out I can’t help but to feel that they click a lot better than me and him. Why is he dating me and not her? I’ve talked about my feelings with him and he assured me that she is the most platonic friend he has and that they’ve known each other since 14. Anyways, now the new season of GoT started and they’re watching it together which makes me really jealous. To me GoT is just basically porn with a plot and it makes me really upset that he’d watch it with her.",4.143088650479953,4.966692546583853,4.7032749858836835,87.41138904573691,70.73913043478261,7.593675889328063,26.43760587238848,7.686295010490155,1.263131677018634,624,19,132,7,11,199,95,161,0.086,0.797,0.11699999999999999,0.6474,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,1,1,8,8,2,1,7,0,10,1,0,4,1,32,21,11,0,0,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,14,15,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,7,25,5,14,18,4,12,0,0,3,1,22,2,0,2,9,91,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.1805946932390921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398715658662931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300882839189846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367309469841568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079172221305196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223229905370897,0.0,0.15592347363797546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807200859164363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297913627088213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552219789666184,0.2960234114092825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480875197395304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170572917292008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573338583467717,0.0,0.0,0.3705927652486523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787349005188974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158978471414628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371120631014879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308594198161776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303193860898886,0.0,0.1309884720334713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487465477127589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582332864034307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260788063664969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669904811548706,0.0,0.0,0.17839403011685126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beansquishy,2019/04/17,"Relationship Advice for a person with bpd dating a person with did Hello, I dont usually post so sorry if I did something wrong but I had bpd and my boyf has did which is  fine bc i love him but sometimes my bpd makes it hard to be okay with it? if that makes sense, like when he splits bc of stress or is away for awhile or refers to himself as we I just..feel shitty and i have these thoughts of maybe he would be perfect without did even though hes great the way he is. I dunno,,its just like one a month i get in these intense moods where i wanna break up over trivial stuff and i feel real bad abt it and dont even know how to begin to communicate abt this stuff",0.6507276995305169,2.729850035211271,2.0625633802816914,97.13619248826292,83.85915492957747,4.631737089201878,17.91737089201878,5.6839178017228535,-0.5737226291079818,523,12,121,3,15,168,92,142,0.12300000000000001,0.6940000000000001,0.183,0.9096,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,4,1,16,1,0,3,1,27,24,15,0,4,8,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,10,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,2,16,7,18,15,0,13,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,4,7,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315442013424023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647520579259747,0.0,0.11239788616475087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.508628567999265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315535510066688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782385057654468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613075812284506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033077148227132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841349165475592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058858179314826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398087300672053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153215998698653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149527596552948,0.0,0.17971309008204733,0.0,0.13523884177891704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744839343797938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121859490855974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350812179281549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892394066706758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322131921331228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452611121675552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363318897569553,0.1331376581881961,0.1506904500063051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420100578349666,0.0,0.30820389351519384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225853523872688,0.10686925818082818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482593831799957,0.0,0.0,0.10685110601233096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976403782320894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956266201259077,0.1471803493804618,0.0,0.0
bpd,sanctusnova,2019/04/17,"How to get a job when all your references are bad? I left school in 2013 and got my first job in 2014, which only lasted a few months. I was fired in 2015 because a woman I was on the phone with started verbally abusing me, which triggered my PTSD. I burst into tears in front of some clients who were sitting in the reception area and they were so put off by my “unprofessional” and “histrionic” behaviour, they cancelled their meeting with my superiors, and I lost my company a lot of money. In 2016, I was finally able to escape the abusive relationship I was in, and the last few years have been dedicated to getting my life back on track after several suicide attempts, as well as rehabilitation for an injury inflicted by my ex. Last year, I tried to volunteer, but I was fired after less than a month because I was constantly being bullied by a co-worker to the point where I had a nervous breakdown in front of everyone.  When I begged my supervisor to make him stop, she said I was overreacting, being a baby, and that I was the most pathetic person she’d ever met before firing me.

I’ve been trying to apply for a job, but all of them require references. I haven’t found a single listing where at least 2 references aren’t compulsory.

I don’t have any friends to put down as fake references; I burned all the bridges I had in high school because my group of friends were slowly becoming toxic, and I have trouble making new friends due to my social anxiety and being an introvert by nature. I can’t really network because I don’t have LinkedIn and I deleted my Facebook because of a cyberbullying incident that happened in 10th grade.

I feel really awkward asking a former teacher for a reference since it’s been 6 years since I left school. I am considering “hiring a liar”, but I don’t have a lot of cash to splash and knowing my luck, I’ll probably get found out and the police will arrest me for fraud.",9.48168918918919,7.074809621621625,9.725506756756758,66.52366554054056,60.8918918918919,12.925675675675675,40.96283783783785,11.45678717892309,4.6350945945945945,1520,66,277,34,16,511,201,370,0.185,0.754,0.06,-0.9928,4,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,4,4,9,13,1,2,25,0,34,1,0,4,4,42,50,21,1,0,3,1,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,2,6,15,0,2,9,0,2,4,6,7,1,1,22,5,49,6,50,23,12,51,0,1,0,0,23,24,0,5,22,199,55,9,0.0966233553560252,0.2289657522577959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657071949981344,0.0,0.07391660237760563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090329794063681,0.0,0.0,0.07429739606499705,0.08067646576203158,0.2945035029973627,0.10671290467924092,0.08221935876158447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441552106400608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874013567110157,0.0,0.09232775674560847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488556716749952,0.0,0.0,0.105846162880228,0.0,0.08218777670577107,0.0,0.2118850438101217,0.2239528939904067,0.0,0.15144514557479724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727852398970687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544371403780165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208787992396827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876513128876204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310166918462636,0.23628279228782775,0.0,0.0,0.20996311662088712,0.0,0.06824793338005862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547580634300148,0.1642914428796138,0.0,0.0,0.12899367998559474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424768080919635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331943870108624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348641576340335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436778696032654,0.0,0.0,0.09134030223992208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417631940474373,0.0,0.1129475317512188,0.19426631936525893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237987912469726,0.0,0.0,0.10373732337107593,0.0,0.0,0.09191093746931728,0.0,0.0,0.2933639822851368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915688880765388,0.0,0.15985567605741546,0.0,0.0,0.09849534271940474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839050823867536,0.0,0.0,0.0807814515850896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569026815432106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312018315262385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687600046355136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034295347779455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866668187844101
bpd,vampgurrl,2019/04/17,"Raged so hard the police came I have trouble controlling my anger. I find it that every time I remember the past I break down in furious anger. I break things out of control and feel an anger that I only witness in myself and never seen it in others . For instances today my bf brought up my past and the anger it triggered was so immense all I can remember is me screaming on the top of my lungs , and the police at my door. How do I reduce my anger when I’m so heated😅",4.423197278911566,4.467170367346942,5.5902040816326535,84.07503401360547,69.81632653061224,8.165986394557821,28.578231292517003,7.793537801064563,1.6646068027210874,368,12,77,4,6,123,62,98,0.29,0.6940000000000001,0.016,-0.9840000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,7,0,6,0,5,1,1,4,2,16,10,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,4,4,16,0,11,6,1,19,0,0,1,0,1,9,0,0,6,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25215024607485315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945346407505724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574907481394545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147241020240599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014986334562905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974910011628939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003418878257429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767158451482814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209126004748356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994818300504758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646541796213178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855339444043165,0.0,0.20897257085021256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wolvinite,2019/04/17,"I finally blocked my ex bf/fp after 7 years. In the summer of 2015(2016?), I broke up with my boyfriend and tried to keep it friendly. 
Then I found out he cheated on me. 

What was left of our connection wasn't destroyed, but tainted with rage and self pity. I was furious and hurting--never mind the fact that my now fiance and fp was hurting for other reasons at the time and I feared for his life. 

All of this happened while I wad in Arizona on vacation...

Flash forward to thanksgiving of 2018. I tell a mutual friend of ours (one of my best irl friends, basically my sister) that I want to apologize to him because I was convinced that I was manipulated by another mutual friend.

We talked for the first time in years and reconnected. We talked about what happened, how he cheated on me with another man, a friend I thought I could trust. 

And ever since then we've been kind of chatting here and there. But seeing them on my feed makes me crave his approval. I wanted him to like my stuff again. Now I'm done with it. I sent him a long message telling him I was blocking him because I just couldn't stand it. 

I'm engaged now and I love my fiance more than anything, and wanting my ex to notice me feels fucking disgusting. 

Am I doing the right thing by kicking him out the door after reconnecting? I just don't feel comfortable with the way he talks to me. I don't think I ever will. 

Am I making the right choice?",3.8658142687680055,5.214504647686834,4.620030503304529,85.77219454329777,71.91814946619219,7.629961023555331,29.03931537027623,8.11559375814309,1.8649998644297576,1110,44,226,16,21,357,153,281,0.14400000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.8768,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,4,0,1,3,12,24,7,1,11,0,17,4,0,5,4,46,36,16,0,5,4,3,2,1,5,1,1,0,1,2,12,19,1,3,6,1,0,2,4,11,0,2,12,3,49,13,39,21,3,37,0,3,1,2,36,15,1,0,21,159,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24492012167636515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610473654751532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423830408216534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255945875846452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324393307119938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951238815962414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127882714121546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314164577533809,0.11810078697998425,0.0,0.0,0.12793310076795453,0.0,0.0993379148858845,0.0,0.12804956704786866,0.451141974580761,0.10796656096509352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654653849579066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502158042354505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038045568782498,0.0,0.12161440624288845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688807900674218,0.0,0.08248924194064162,0.057055627331562726,0.0,0.0,0.10335172994284426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540371554333867,0.0,0.15591081444019966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792033413831528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132961371300487,0.0,0.0,0.0791370590633727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007522049083608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946881610332892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306313705875717,0.0,0.12183302640328345,0.0,0.0,0.09660639439770864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369176399353086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816039304646643,0.2041518181321438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758727516195184,0.07483160474655205,0.0,0.09271485496123784,0.13619744136505288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792898706804321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066498159370696,0.09269910697441637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041241167209962
bpd,gr0tesqu3tte,2019/04/17,"Tired of the hospital, tired of life General TW I think...

For months I’ve been doing really well, but my emotional stability has been going in a downward spiral recently and I feel a relapse is around the corner. But I’m so tired of being hospitalized. I hate this disorder and I hate this life.

I keep thinking that if I hadn’t been abused, if I knew my mother/father, if I wasn’t raped, if I wasn’t introduced to so much so young I wouldn’t have ended up like this. I know it’s pointless but letting go of the past isn’t easy and I’m also very tired of people telling me that it is.

I started cutting again. I’m not proud of myself and I know that it’ll be hard to stop. I don’t want to see my therapist. I hate him and I’m tired of seeing him.

I feel so alone and sad all the time. I cling to any love but I’m unloveable. I just want the pain to go away.

I’m so so tired. I want to sleep forever.",-0.9772237407262808,1.0976064923857898,1.800532994923859,95.64899160484188,93.21319796954315,5.264271768840297,17.2215931276845,6.844919456158928,-0.032199375244045036,697,19,166,11,26,241,103,197,0.317,0.59,0.09300000000000001,-0.9952,0,1,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,11,12,5,0,7,0,18,12,1,0,1,32,45,21,0,8,10,0,3,1,0,2,9,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,7,0,0,3,7,8,1,0,7,5,26,4,18,33,2,18,0,1,2,2,4,6,0,4,10,104,35,0,0.0,0.12200303030978345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664623133581448,0.0,0.08234535398496448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700233709528958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166544503349952,0.0,0.0,0.09674403609456923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801294531771254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582778754392085,0.0912011694195254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412980864418896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556127345978342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224121072963748,0.3049857163122243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152478082943613,0.0,0.0,0.11317962605582604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529416226057613,0.14546201084907226,0.05030611317701634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293476369276474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218995326335944,0.0,0.07569505727733437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095677153993534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829685314910903,0.07138667750090052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596544475268655,0.0,0.10167080101947733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410807923572412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304471682360936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288294574421891,0.0,0.0,0.08608782570336061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000062700710988,0.0,0.0,0.1195565161169529,0.0,0.13195848871213148,0.0,0.0,0.06004284082194434,0.7100956384134657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496132504238188,0.18220374597106515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925827134689881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,virgo947,2019/04/17,"Article linking bpd and chronic pain If I’m reading this right, it says to not give a patient w bpd proper pain management bc they might be faking it and to give them therapy instead? [bpd and chronic pain](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2921236/)",7.6045348837209295,10.982886604651165,5.890872093023257,71.9749127906977,66.67441860465118,8.951162790697676,38.656976744186046,9.516144504307137,4.586586046511629,216,12,29,5,4,63,34,43,0.217,0.7829999999999999,0.0,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,16,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6583041912826642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342717576883028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482893389781116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561743098261082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427567557859902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879020997408388,0.0,0.1385535175839457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924550463663426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tilinger19,2019/04/17,Worthless and paranoid Nothing much to this post I just feel like I am worthless.  Nothing I do is good enough. Everyone is I work with is talking behind my back.  Just stupid,1.5663636363636364,4.304742606060607,2.002181818181821,92.46327272727272,92.63636363636364,3.852121212121212,27.81212121212121,5.6839178017228535,1.0888230303030304,138,7,25,1,5,42,25,33,0.348,0.588,0.064,-0.8781,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,3,6,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23621521143600505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317416190704484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935395011959335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532782339318033,0.21946130141170425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576619203106533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008073413170525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582483616552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5895268161031543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29420941105780146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691297829344144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364277227500928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sh00p842,2019/04/17,"I've progressed so much in recovery, but now everything is changing and I just want to break. In the past two years, I've made some amazing strides. All with the same therapist, the only one I've ever really trusted enough to open up and progress. In the time I worked with her, I started branching out.. I got on meds and actually kept taking them everyday, started doing acupuncture to nurture my spiritual side, and began seeing a nutritionist in an attempt toward recovery from my eating disorder.

These are things I never did and didn't want to do before meeting Taylor. These are things that I continue doing even when I don't feel like it, even when my head screams that I need to lie about urges or behaviors, need to purge or starve, need to hurt myself, need to stop taking my meds. Before I met Taylor, I didn't want any part of recovery. I wanted to stay in my safe bubble of self destruction. It was all I knew, and change felt exhausting and impossible to me.

Taylor worked with me in a way that was exactly what I needed. Her style was more relational than disciplined, and she focused more on harm reduction than abstinence. She opened up a line of trust rather than pushing me to do things I wasn't ready for, and I responded extremely well. She helped me realize my trauma, and that there are more layers than I'm even able to access right now. She helped me to realize how deeply that trauma affected me, and she was supportive as I became more aware of my symptoms, feelings, and behaviors.

Last month, she told me she would be moving on from my clinic. I would have to find a new therapist. She is with me until the end of this month.

I'm fuckin besides myself with grief, more so than I even realized or imagined possible. I also just moved, got a new job, and will be losing my state insurance in a couple months. This means I'll start having a copay on services, and I'm broke af and terrible with money. It feels like the perfect excuse to backslide, doesn't it? Not to mention, I'm gaining weight like crazy and can't quit drinking. I feel so much hatred toward my body, and I want to starve it again.

Everything feels so out of control.. Sliding back into some illusion of control sounds so incredibly tempting. Like a warm, familiar embrace.

Relapse is calling me, and I really want to answer. And yet, I can't actually imagine myself ever going down that rabbit hole again. There are too many support systems put in place at this point. I kinda like life now and don't wanna fuck it up. My dog needs me.. my bf needs me. I love them and 

I dunno, thanks for reading.. just needed to vent.",4.854938148884467,6.173809978131215,5.576860503644799,79.965321681025,69.49701789264412,8.690280538988294,28.683951844488625,9.075114841892004,2.3861853766291143,2061,74,382,39,36,670,251,503,0.146,0.716,0.138,-0.8148,1,0,1,0,0,2,69.0,0,0,2,11,32,30,3,0,15,0,31,12,2,5,7,94,76,36,1,18,9,0,8,5,1,3,4,2,0,1,21,32,3,6,15,2,1,6,10,13,1,2,17,11,64,17,67,54,14,69,0,4,1,3,24,28,2,7,35,271,85,5,0.07254576241559957,0.0,0.14158839853117278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801481999369292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933360614280185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578321331492524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346220113559556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058198777228161,0.0,0.0,0.0740773345288167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534875948217723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273248248096225,0.0,0.08027050627040704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314372879838162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106722870708677,0.0,0.07423242602060004,0.0,0.0,0.06425401277714042,0.07495916527998975,0.0,0.1916631675204926,0.13124359085638046,0.0,0.0,0.13039890696275336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340658616797487,0.10365341433006613,0.06965530861372576,0.0,0.06630551257055832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706738836638014,0.0,0.0,0.041229428598536164,0.0,0.11604294677054795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445288169136878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725179069627077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766173909304587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199047520270617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913447892264116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124121742721763,0.17721097544130046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811601516556945,0.0,0.0,0.06547538295574748,0.06864455448079296,0.0,0.07355001658176212,0.0,0.07902360278959952,0.1611639755445632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737160062995589,0.15420932908894874,0.10665896519574536,0.4303341088571941,0.05595176427930114,0.14013029880448988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915888611189852,0.05517432135431834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855999116315532,0.06925313894980993,0.0,0.0,0.07579488114585957,0.0,0.06857919434540978,0.08178444692248772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292852850170788,0.0,0.07716134816339396,0.07256539432919858,0.0,0.09294934608769248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061953684719610526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780958011371003,0.0,0.075681051842359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404479208625407,0.07732413021419854,0.0,0.06065150576365005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464814296608588,0.0,0.07540282442612765,0.10909076981000326,0.0,0.0,0.06679039120171568,0.0,0.16846244325732154,0.1445885430376406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230201746210346,0.0,0.0,0.06932058486845451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086666856847804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567362216116765,0.0575834494782124,0.0,0.08834119468001635,0.06522735280744217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056283581088336,0.0,0.0,0.10306885636086807,0.0,0.0,0.04671709248939592
bpd,VictoriousssBIG23,2019/04/17,"DAE get anxiety/depression over social media followers? I see countless posts on here about how social media is toxic for people with BPD because it makes it so easy for us to compare our lives to others and we feel upset as a result, but I feel like I never see anyone talking about how the ""friend""/follower count affects their mental health. This is a HUGE problem for me. I obsess over my friend count and if I see that someone has removed me, I feel extremely empty inside. I can literally feel my heart flutter and my stomach drop. The feelings of emptiness and loneliness take over me as I am, once again, reminded that nobody fucking cares about me. 

I deactivated my Facebook years ago because of a traumatic event, but I'll reactivate it from time to time just to see what's up. I feel like every time I do that, my friend count goes down so people are either deleting me while I'm deactivated or deleting me as soon as I log back on. And when I see that friend count go down, I deactivate my account again. 2016 I had 556 friends. I have 499 now. I was locked out of my own snapchat so I guess that's gone. I still have Instagram, but I rarely post. Today, I posted something for the first time in a long time because I recently changed my hair and I've been feeling good because of it. My measely 71 follower count went down to 70. And now I'm panicking at the thought of it going down to 69. Stuff like this makes me wanna not even post anything at all because I know that once I do, someone will be like ""ugh I forgot how much I hate this annoying bitch"" and delete me. I want to add more people, but I'm scared of rejection, plus I don't want to add random people just to boost my numbers, but I feel so shitty looking at it. 

I hate myself for feeling this way. This is so fucking stupid. I mean, who gives a shit about a friend count? None of these people are really my ""friends"". It shouldn't matter, but it DOES because of my BPD. I used to be so obsessed with it that I had a list of my ""friends"" printed out and I would go through each and every one to find the person who deleted me. People don't realize how much it hurts me, nor do they even care. I know that I should probably just delete it all and stop caring, and I really don't like using social media anyways, but I feel so isolated from the world as is. Plus, I follow a lot of bands and social media is a way for me to keep up with them and find out when they're coming to town so it does have its perks. All I want is for someone to just give a fuck and they don't. This has destroyed my spirit and confidence. Does anyone else obsess over this or am I the only one? :(",4.379752593774942,4.914237094972068,5.292038308060653,84.44859217877095,70.04283054003724,7.999340250066508,27.8195796754456,7.957251820313856,1.5970482468741682,2068,67,429,25,35,678,238,537,0.172,0.6920000000000001,0.135,-0.9825,3,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,3,0,4,1,33,35,10,5,17,0,33,8,4,10,4,91,87,49,0,9,16,0,11,5,7,4,1,0,0,1,34,29,0,3,17,1,1,10,9,19,0,3,8,17,74,16,68,73,11,63,1,2,6,3,25,22,5,6,29,299,108,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372040900877356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474927417926006,0.062094364324052874,0.04987064676973494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659953775522968,0.0,0.22165611987209624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265331045985672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536468815720525,0.0,0.06410934889567288,0.05220363837367938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052196795190498066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591008182866762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050625564632019886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800546838413164,0.0,0.10212034365845626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306424159843284,0.08658879450460094,0.0,0.0,0.1107790696447702,0.051548406895289715,0.0,0.0,0.37457037587227293,0.16807794552887015,0.031662275094563465,0.11627077059527052,0.10332529449804824,0.05083045376548141,0.0,0.0,0.06676042313486967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196647314244867,0.0,0.0644175628088891,0.0,0.07181418651906284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487616843748395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386623568344713,0.0,0.0,0.06661103535499284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480364620463425,0.0,0.053513067289322994,0.053631254839061115,0.05089078884503687,0.0,0.0,0.05152202971307476,0.0,0.0,0.08090520232251662,0.0,0.0,0.0660138264348236,0.0,0.0,0.06107300850566363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890995369433663,0.0,0.0467403399170516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290792474854486,0.0821315673030092,0.04609088860755561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520846197111029,0.05291571551637618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216155259749136,0.0,0.06533968330539247,0.057988353230354776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776469533564578,0.0,0.059837601141554835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067361743429085,0.0,0.2414615034736652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220753666381128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24710623439625765,0.15404475939128784,0.04665472124250021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839718911131628,0.05066635578679605,0.0,0.0,0.06937529800987234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045565494925945436,0.04870994795082712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811157023247302,0.17668885877180635,0.0,0.05744402972609757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289727691828006,0.10468210556163153,0.0,0.0,0.10723467277320978,0.0962067965818801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617907163462838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043050236603092436,0.0,0.0,0.0390259862404106
bpd,smokinhotbacon,2019/04/17,"Any podcasts for mental health that you all recommend Looking for any mental health podcasts....

They can be related to Borderline Personality Disorder or not..",9.311999999999998,12.407438799999998,9.109000000000002,52.01950000000002,61.0,13.0,44.5,12.161744961471696,7.2734,130,8,15,5,2,42,20,25,0.096,0.816,0.08900000000000001,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37416622334355615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152980030401695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5848546221959274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310217259500976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5544890206715435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402139995452202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LegendaryCatfish,2019/04/17,"I’m sure some people in here have been on lamotrigine, I’m paranoid and hope someone has some insight So I had my lamotrigine dose upped two weeks ago. Two days ago I started getting a rash. I took antihistamines right away, which usually works for other meds I’m allergic to. I went to the er this morning bc nothing was helping and it was getting worse. They filled me with more antihistamines and said it was an allergy. I’ve now been taking antihistamines for three days since the first day I was itchy and hot.

I’m home now 12 hours later and the rash is horrifying. It’s gotten about ten times worse. Has this happened to anyone else? I’m super paranoid it’s hlh and they didn’t check the right things when they did my labs.",1.9069607843137248,4.552315611111112,2.9551960784313733,88.96235294117649,83.8611111111111,5.888235294117648,22.359477124183005,7.285733465282438,0.8951712418300652,584,20,117,9,17,186,92,144,0.16899999999999998,0.77,0.06,-0.9244,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,3,6,3,0,0,6,0,13,4,2,0,1,12,28,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,9,7,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,13,2,11,3,11,15,3,24,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,15,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28366443014026205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187719438684088,0.16394106817045626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032724773436187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095643697087073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366123049738468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609771161834033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718899553011055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414893359914933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724604052175253,0.0,0.16049516044123194,0.15891819588159373,0.15756984674623534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772627247429948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535263382345923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092531577988693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27328185257429977,0.1521986451470965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132355397436425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556926717146084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325031581059175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080009356488522,0.0,0.12030167296489094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629829116480273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329851607691986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776822960869834,0.0,0.0,0.3125976212683985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762197174107889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834404013332007,0.0,0.0,0.14832355742529035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648344048867525,0.0,0.3261116355254657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whyskeySouraddict,2019/04/17,"Addiction God damn I hate this. Every night I want to quit and next day I buy more alcohol.
I quit pills but this liquid is killing me.drunk me wants to get better.sober me wants to drink. Damn me. 
Just wanted to say it. Vent it. Sorry.",-0.1535638297872346,2.0569511702127663,1.2629521276595774,96.47187500000004,101.12765957446808,4.903191489361704,16.513297872340427,6.6274283507984215,0.008789361702127518,183,5,39,3,8,58,34,47,0.28300000000000003,0.667,0.05,-0.9274,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,0,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,20,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342448270619732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296354002479295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900389569071306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857622040876685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104951214099269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104096059341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226301229192752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214399746536244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377267019325308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285213761541531,0.2016450808129188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570907757428172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708767578181988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405343135699609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069539844796448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heeeyambular,2019/04/17,"Sense of impending doom? DAE ever dissociate when they get super stressed and just get the feeling that they’re going to die soon? Like, not feeling actively suicidal or anything, but just feeling like they somehow *know* that their time is almost up and just calmly accepting it as fact. 

I’ve been dissociating a lot more frequently lately, and this is a new feeling that has been accompanying it most of the time. I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this and if there’s a name for it.",4.798260869565219,7.190958608695652,5.6971739130434775,74.69945652173917,71.6086956521739,8.947826086956523,29.97826086956522,9.516144504307137,3.0951913043478263,400,17,69,10,8,131,65,92,0.07400000000000001,0.703,0.222,0.9181,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,9,7,0,1,5,0,6,0,0,0,2,27,15,10,2,2,9,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,4,5,6,12,3,10,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,8,10,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342158327762026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902731929941315,0.2183796085201,0.17539002833466918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119806341858864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804499821841369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279070319542693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848464940765796,0.0,0.0,0.4310651299590229,0.15226202290646093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227060479731208,0.0,0.12112820869943462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713214220237332,0.0,0.24042293654341115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825171482339044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119777537595147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584486197932694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441427547839393,0.0,0.0,0.2331325494838305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485587491134292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311332903085069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marie14177,2019/04/17,My first post fighting with my demons 😞 advise well I'll just start off with I messed my marriage up being stupid alot. I've been toxic all the way around because I've always hated myself. If I dont change I'm gonna lose him . I know I probably  could expect being ignored . But I'm just trying to not hate myself anymore than I do. And I'm trying to figure out how to deal with how things are gonna be for a while to I'm trusted again .  I feel like I deserve a little conversation with him but then again I feel like I dont deserve anything from how I've done wrong.  I've also always been codependent on him now that hes barely talking to me its killing me. That's another thing I dont know about what to do I dont have any family so I have no one else to talk to . I cant wait till things get better....but like I had said I did it to myself but I'm human to.  Fighting with demons is the hardest thing to do ..,0.3140500000000017,2.1433383050000003,2.588000000000001,94.31900000000002,83.45,5.0,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.2982,711,17,164,5,20,242,112,200,0.15,0.7759999999999999,0.073,-0.9395,0,0,0,0,5,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,13,15,6,0,5,0,22,0,0,3,1,29,39,13,1,3,7,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,9,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,7,10,1,2,6,3,27,5,26,27,2,16,2,1,0,0,14,6,0,2,11,111,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636155250590996,0.2005266156610668,0.0,0.0,0.081942215439991,0.12635180113872144,0.0,0.0,0.11950082548299705,0.0,0.0,0.09915891334389022,0.1072680384152092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345396342402717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656996493140132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274700406640232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620719447765452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422730310630235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233104523956778,0.5648871971767526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065993327719287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359401873753555,0.0,0.12185399099662032,0.17216642107084662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249484102234742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295480399258753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793204023256426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331227817982674,0.0,0.13244419935056814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660650898994615,0.12076983160188315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480552410587587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816520086715557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540299137331607,0.0,0.12991634186562362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462041317722013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528852525668049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937021402647087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202118925977725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636193531827022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564505398740217,0.0,0.0,0.10834143729238792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174475199867786,0.0,0.0
bpd,kindasortastressed,2019/04/17,"I'm Happy and I Think a Crash is Pending I'm so scared. I've been diagnosed with BPD for a few months now and Bipolar I for a little longer. Anyway onto my major fear. (skipping lines for triggers)

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I met a man and I fell in love immediately. That's always been a problem of mine(and lots of other borderline individuals). My past two relationships consisted of an incestuous man who slept with his niece and a manipulative narcissist who only thought of himself(duh). But Case (changed) is wonderful. He works, owns his own vehicle, does everything for himself, bears all of his responsibility, etc. He's caring, he tiptoes around my triggers, he's taking it slowly when it comes to sex because he knows how scared I am after sexual assault, he doesn't shy away from the bipolar diagnosis or the impending schizophrenia diagnosis, and overall he seems to love me. We've known each other for almost a year and we've been together a month and he's said he loves me and he will help me take care of myself. He's only fought with me about one thing and it was truly for my own good and it wasn't really even a fight, Moreso a threat/ultimatum so I would take better care of myself in the midst of a bad purging disorder(I haven't vomited in almost a week!) and he said if I didn't try to make progress that he would leave me. Anyway, he sounds like a dream right? I just can't shake the feeling that I don't deserve him and that he will eventually realize that too. I just want to stay this happy forever and I'll do anything to keep it this way.",4.703978494623655,6.471171241935487,5.58685483870968,78.01361559139788,70.45161290322581,8.521505376344086,29.690860215053764,9.075114841892004,2.5832150537634404,1295,52,237,26,24,424,172,310,0.086,0.731,0.183,0.9841,0,0,0,0,1,0,64.0,0,0,0,3,13,20,3,4,18,0,18,9,1,5,1,46,44,20,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,4,4,3,0,2,17,19,0,1,8,1,0,3,6,9,0,2,12,4,26,11,31,28,9,21,0,0,0,4,34,8,0,7,9,147,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965121667945837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971231112998603,0.4531329070407978,0.5081737814818551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491647329229809,0.05318537973047248,0.0,0.0,0.0561320385720901,0.0,0.049884263418138335,0.03641976673697807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052839262621736105,0.0,0.0,0.0752462593198451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274087016916932,0.0,0.06320188769307812,0.05146470127207988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606395332082742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05228292088670209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666310457501558,0.03946075903592011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053694613448923664,0.0,0.0,0.06722930918118435,0.03020867575550783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011095394997832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719852106731638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400455604289954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310376468889532,0.0,0.0,0.03283408151966171,0.0,0.0,0.06326092772634387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02918820424758695,0.05987980621840705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079274071156528,0.16176556046899884,0.0,0.039879998775955376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537517376900413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048450173147554,0.09087695369327084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703300146674984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716753408828956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03827393438147797,0.0,0.0,0.06414336469075686,0.0,0.05102158032208302,0.11366163285465194,0.0,0.11962957731032778,0.0,0.0,0.054389259562700784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367981724435097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476156017473614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039691671800933866,0.0382819410752281,0.0,0.04743055593215733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056267625866484,0.0,0.05836181397263256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03523892569057032,0.04742249966361151,0.04792353162742472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479049348201353,0.04349479600713475,0.0,0.0,0.08488172991358323,0.0,0.5081737814818551,0.03847357744175317
bpd,pancakes904,2019/04/17,"DAE have to remind family members that you're okay? I am almost fully emotional healthy and self-aware after having been on the rollercoaster of recovery since my BPD diagnosis 5 years ago. I'm 20 years old and have been told that I am wise beyond my years. Yeah, I earned it. Countless hours of therapy, reflection, journaling, and learning from my mistakes? Yeah. I also had a cancer surgery that interrupted my first year away from home. It would make sense that I'm more emotionally aware than most kids my age. 

I'm finishing my second year at university, and my family keeps insisting that I'm not okay because I haven't managed to establish friendships, a regular eating pattern, sleep schedule, etc. It's fucking difficult to do those things when I've been told for a good portion of my life that I have to work harder on my emotional health. Since I was 11, I've been in therapy, which only started because my parents thought I had low self esteem. Fucking hell, it's been 9 years. That is almost half of my life.

But, what I really wanted to rant about/get feedback on is how do you tell/show your family that you're actually really happy being somewhat alone and are working on things like self-care? I'm not to the point of dying from not eating, I have pretty good grades, excellent ones in classes I actually care about, and I get myself to appointments. I found myself a psychiatrist & other Dr.'s at school, I managed taking care of a house & finding tenants while in school, I am the only one in my family who is currently going to therapy. How the fuck can they accuse \~me\~ of being the crazy one here?",5.995645161290322,6.852942596774195,6.708548387096772,74.5728225806452,66.58064516129032,10.070967741935485,31.30645161290323,10.125756701596842,3.2131483870967745,1295,49,230,30,20,427,169,310,0.105,0.76,0.135,0.823,2,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,2,1,5,7,17,4,0,10,4,27,10,1,3,0,26,48,12,1,3,4,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,2,19,6,2,1,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,6,12,0,33,10,34,33,5,33,1,1,0,3,9,14,4,4,19,149,52,12,0.0,0.0,0.16125072749517672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323779199248193,0.0,0.16546432324044133,0.08556957486126261,0.0,0.06607131676417033,0.0,0.17903783031628667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762436548655477,0.0,0.0,0.1007289724742662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405720660649516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847353081757696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574668808928047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690821115815963,0.0,0.2788096985643453,0.0,0.0,0.09214332455463604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31154775735114904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551333477784307,0.07027667084821472,0.0,0.0905887473681831,0.0,0.2291430359578368,0.08633125324885978,0.0,0.04695494422348935,0.13859575042147604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795070284146063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782137278384372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828747627637548,0.0,0.08136422077721822,0.09533257857167546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343659955675333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671413298820832,0.04036403971861903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514960224742911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669596583044235,0.0,0.16795668777871547,0.1256727182414979,0.0,0.0,0.0917399167164613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810276190669503,0.0,0.0,0.08405441113458463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058571876815282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723203739959866,0.0,0.0,0.2585725552470409,0.0,0.0,0.1366885098951337,0.0,0.08267983312537658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584789786179241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062120082497433476,0.0,0.07221366656637934,0.0,0.2834500801353482,0.0,0.10977833397912692,0.0,0.0,0.06559118290670639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789421811940935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873151442104344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029692945090042,0.0,0.0,0.05869099531705886,0.0,0.0,0.31922806791473146
bpd,Splitin3,2019/04/17,Addicted to Disassociating My girlfriend of 3 years and friend of 5 years recently left me. We were engaged and she was pregnant with my child. I had a meltdown that ended in a psychosis. This resulted in several felony charges and her completely shutting me out of her life. She’s all I think about and I can’t imagine life without her. I was going to have a family with her. And now everything is just so twisted. I’m so lonely and feel so fucked up inside. I can’t drink or smoke or anything because I’m being tested but I don’t even want to.. I’ve found that my drug of choice is dxm.. the active ingredient in cough medicine. In times of a lot of stress I disassociate and split. I’ve found that this drug has the same affects. I just take a large amount of it and detach from all the pain for a few hours. That and self harm are the only way I ever find any relief.. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just have no desire to do anything but disassociate because reality is just too fucked up to handle anymore.,2.311281464530893,4.321137468599037,3.9932468853292673,85.83771167048057,77.69565217391305,6.67673531655225,24.90439867785405,7.669130373188453,1.2630734299516917,804,29,166,12,19,269,119,207,0.156,0.784,0.059000000000000004,-0.9731,0,2,4,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,0,13,9,2,1,10,0,18,10,0,2,3,39,30,16,0,2,10,0,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,8,13,1,0,7,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,6,1,23,3,26,23,6,19,0,1,0,2,11,9,2,3,8,116,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799698824206754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855855244354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874666815431071,0.0,0.0,0.23853294443095216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669808577764382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195817090353825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419779281342165,0.33614960892468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836650273796546,0.0,0.0,0.0957260467280865,0.13109905542739675,0.0,0.0,0.13025530176394792,0.0,0.1366287449381304,0.0,0.07328184195172385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246498378944624,0.0,0.0,0.3178203422464552,0.1119739020354506,0.2679741146197803,0.0,0.0,0.08236804722897621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272856864291955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965069346395177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574687584919456,0.0,0.2047391467979332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232157816928193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102271183865148,0.154217588747196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310260757077245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119541221852756,0.1637316118946833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601881735538065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089706307532328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928664062663713,0.0,0.0,0.08451086252316445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548449471619361,0.11504006840388675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970902449829356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666257628919145
bpd,feistyflaming0,2018/12/20,"My friend recently diagnosed Hi everyone! 

One of my friends was recently diagnosed with BPD. We've known each other very briefly and I'm so glad they shared this with me. Since they told me, I've done some research and tried to get a sense of what they're going through, but I feel like I can do more. 

If you can, could you please share with me anything that you found to be helpful and supportive when you got diagnosed? 
",5.88024096385542,6.148758469879521,5.38520481927711,86.01973493975906,66.71084337349397,10.013493975903614,32.26265060240964,9.888512548439397,2.7666645783132533,335,13,71,7,5,102,61,83,0.0,0.735,0.265,0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,2,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,14,15,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,13,7,8,8,3,4,0,0,0,0,13,0,0,2,4,44,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023570595100594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299346343810867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576355561490964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5558998821994728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682771162037995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444899059931038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923105132104232,0.13042470383339733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017345443370427,0.2820990326601076,0.0,0.09538284660333424,0.0,0.1037560807608536,0.0,0.14601416713885645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236968826167725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919219550013377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237109882653295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040190224438087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605224649050201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101992246287782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717296600273905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444899059931038,0.0,0.12394987098839992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063551195986036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shelookslikepron,2018/12/20,"I’m sending postcards to my friends so they’ll have something to remember me by when I’m gone soon I’ve been thinking about killing myself for a while now. It started as isolated moments during low waves and anxiety attacks, maybe once every few months, then gradually it’s become a dull, ever-present hum in the back of my mind. The thought used to be more of an ideation than anything, because it freaked me out, and I didn’t think I’d actually go through with it. But over time, and especially recently, I’m kind of very... calm... about it. Very matter-of-fact. It doesn’t scare me as much anymore. It’s just a thing that has a non-zero possibility of happening, especially as things get more and more hopeless, and I get more and more exhausted of fighting. I moved across the country to run away from my problems, but that didn’t seem to help — they followed me, and new ones found me, and I’m worse off than I was before even though I’ve tried so damn hard to pick myself up from the rubbish and improve my life. I read all the positivity blogs, retweeted all the positivity memes, spread kindness into the world and was the most genuine self I could be. But the world doesn’t seem to want to cut me a break, and it’s been a year of toeing the border, and now more and more I’m on shaky ground. It’s like being on ice that’s a centimeter thin, and it’s going to crack from underneath you at any moment, and you’ll get subsumed under. But something about that isn’t scary; it’s... peaceful. 

This season, I’m sending off cards and postcards to some of my closest friends. First of all because it’s a nice thing to do, and second, in case I really do go through with it, I want my friends to have that one little thing left of me to keep. Just a nice message of well-wishes on a nicely designed card. I think that’s the most I can offer anymore. ",6.720695639904051,5.580926112600538,6.840042331028645,80.98884012981516,65.3538873994638,9.56844927331734,34.376887258360384,8.371475516178862,2.4760327077747997,1452,55,305,16,19,467,193,373,0.11199999999999999,0.752,0.136,0.9514,1,0,2,0,2,2,53.0,0,2,2,1,14,23,5,2,22,0,21,3,1,2,3,50,48,30,1,4,6,0,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,1,24,21,0,1,8,2,0,9,5,13,0,4,9,2,29,10,56,33,15,51,0,3,0,0,14,24,1,6,18,203,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.10688774931637347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448573726333296,0.0,0.08379192909167567,0.0,0.21725326907219145,0.0,0.0,0.09013577100633267,0.0,0.0,0.12460883268862145,0.1029092252525509,0.08422359716929455,0.0,0.1335397777854652,0.120969847834331,0.09320394143820897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745264906771892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234506787151107,0.09907825912550976,0.09228570820012584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316813999041283,0.0,0.12009654120616943,0.2538732085825018,0.0,0.1716783576503584,0.0,0.18674923401414434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685907357335446,0.0,0.09811944917478113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734172088416043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735736347985093,0.12118128943866426,0.2281221231330354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900719198299345,0.0,0.07736592065232477,0.05351196147588165,0.10978016517777253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100399429619686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059642445017677,0.0,0.08742765709720568,0.1164155275495732,0.08051886208513502,0.0,0.0,0.10578700236478167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664835175226645,0.14844387675573326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348123930089505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048076426989032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095619663555343,0.0,0.07016921235643996,0.0,0.10814995720762584,0.0,0.12407877257389813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966096574672797,0.0,0.0,0.19942823050935635,0.11426610345542595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686466706435552,0.0,0.0,0.07752754364444284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29107363979070483,0.2105516740937156,0.10761495353306008,0.08695643145059474,0.06386917974880094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436525902383252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946007612346644,0.0,0.1807512791381768,0.12921000675546185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848271479555636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595676857054403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162279714277236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053522636880445
bpd,lpouunhdtn,2018/12/20,"Ex with BPD Yesterday, my ex sent me a video last night about the 9 traits of BPD and called me today to discuss the fact that he thinks he might have it.  


He told me that no one in the world knows him more than I do, not even his own mother. He wanted to ask me about it as I work in mental health, so I encouraged him to get DBT or MBT. I encouraged that there's no shame in having a personality disorder and that like most mental health illnesses that early intervention is beneficial. 

We ended because he cheated on me and then tried to kill himself. We had a sometimes toxic, sometimes incredible relationship (pretty unstable). 

I believe that I am very codependent and empathetic (hence why he didn't think I would leave him) and to be frank lack a spine. 

 I can't be at his beck and call or be his therapist? I moved city months ago. 


My question is how do I lay out clear boundaries?

Can those with BPD be capable of being in a functioning relationship? 

Do you have any advice that would help me from being less codependent. 

Thank you for reading this, sorry that it's long 
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bpd,titantitus1,2018/12/20,"Every intimate relationship has failed and I'm done trying I had a strange realization this year, the only time I ever felt good was when I didn't have strong relationships, I mean I still want intimacy and genuine love but the price I pay emotionally seems to not be worth it. I'm tired of hurting every person I get close to and I'm just going to maintain shallow cordial acquaintance type relationships. All my issues stem from irrationally intense emotional attachments, so as soon as I see myself building something more than a shallow relationship I run for the hills before I get sucked into the depths of hell. Does anyone else feel this way?",9.424397759103641,8.845561537815131,9.200462184873947,64.42517507002803,59.672268907563016,11.966946778711483,38.320728291316534,11.20814326018867,4.427015686274509,529,22,86,12,6,172,89,119,0.23399999999999999,0.675,0.091,-0.9661,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,2,0,6,0,7,2,0,0,2,15,21,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,3,2,2,4,0,0,5,3,12,3,11,15,2,12,1,2,1,1,6,3,2,1,6,52,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197308641045898,0.14942792230706153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409711164335335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762352360922294,0.1492425652671813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182865580370004,0.3280954882995712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191851754766035,0.24574904573514175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373990546245479,0.0,0.1400270290029292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238832169065458,0.0,0.08288290596998074,0.12232171435820385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612223689519278,0.0,0.0,0.1522166326658091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162418673593682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885997119184014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091611609019077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273398240416601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6263002968579692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621373750735935,0.132765133128857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227295966344963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646614782405605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503911538023325,0.16761894257334276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901420164280957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601883346532818,0.11575915046029205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391467492050017
bpd,needingHelp57,2018/12/20,"PLEASE HELP. Therapist is being manipulated My friend (will be referred to as Y) has an ex that they have children with that finally went to a mental health doctor last week. For anonymity purposes this Ex will not be named or gendered only referred to as X.  
        X was previously diagnosed with BPD by another doctor. X didn't follow up with treatment after a few sessions. never took the medications. X is currently tormenting their SO to the point that rumors of them wanting to commit suicide have made their way back to not only me, but their family and several others.
          In order to keep this as vague as possible in case they browse this subreddit, I will not discuss or describe specific details. X is 100% textbook bpd, the first doctor was correct and Y only survived by escaping X and learning how to deal with X's violent and explosive outbursts. Y still lives in constant fear of X and what X could do to their family, their children, their reputation, their job etc. 

          X was emotionally and often times physically abusive to Y. X would then manipulate Y in to believing that all of it was their fault, even the physical abuse. Y continues to suffer from the trauma they accrued over the time spent in said relationship.


X told Y that the new doctor they are seeing told X that there isn't anything wrong with them other than a couple minor and common mental health issues. X also claimed that their doctor insulted another mental health professional that works in the office that treats someone that X has pushed to breaking point.

What are the chances that X is lying? what should Y do to protect their self and their children?

                          I'm sorry if this is hard to understand. I only want to help my friend, and Y is very scared of anything getting back to x
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bpd,Mari6210,2018/12/20,"Curiosity because of what a nurse practitioner said to me.. How long have the average lengths of your relationships (girlfriend/boyfriend, etc) been?",9.098695652173912,12.559518217391307,7.3645652173913065,62.74510869565219,62.47826086956522,11.556521739130435,46.28260869565217,11.20814326018867,6.507365217391302,121,8,17,4,2,36,22,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887760655177639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528324395156757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192283823286653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085993169105284,0.0,0.0,0.4506173717851559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cassiusiam,2018/12/20,"My therapist wants me to start on medication I've always been resistant to meds, because I have some friends who have had bad experiences. She wants me to see a psychiatrist to confirm, but she thinks that meds would help me be able to process my emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them. Was curious about everyone's thoughts on meds..",7.28709677419355,8.465159806451613,6.822741935483871,73.75411290322583,63.83870967741936,10.716129032258065,39.69354838709677,10.686352973137794,4.507567741935485,276,15,48,7,4,86,48,62,0.035,0.8140000000000001,0.151,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,7,14,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,9,1,10,7,1,3,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,1,33,11,0,0.20210108578486025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681642933534302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874596486236548,0.1231989460599918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273365194454965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311624831919447,0.0,0.1976936420554788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614279754396368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546409769354031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6734662376356191,0.20359558181565707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104839925474926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304818872710395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346549375360488,0.0,0.12949821528676125,0.0,0.16044568720283162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384089133089741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435668127781374,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cryingravennn,2018/12/20,"I impulsively started a relationship Hi, I'm new to this and english isn't my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

​

I'm really anxious and I feel guilty because an ex fp texted me yesterday after a year without talking (I used to have a crush on them, and they didn't liked me back at the times) and they said they had a crush on me and wanted to be in a relationship since I make them happy (because I used to make them feel important with the things they love unlike the other people they know.)  


Now this is not fully a problem since I think I still have a small crush on them, but we haven't talked in a year, and they posted about officially being in a relationship with me just the day after we spoke.

Saying that, I instantly blocked a friend (and ex partner) because they're going to be mad at me and just throw shit like when we broke up (it was a toxic relationship, and I managed to broke up with them and after 6 months we began to talk again because I was lonely and went back to her).

I have no idea what to do, I'm I bad for blocking them? (I was thinking already into ending the friendship, but this scared me like hell and blocked them everywere, I'm paranoid because they know where I live and hearing from them will make everything worse.) Plus I told at my ex-fp  that I was feeling uncomfortable with them publicing about our relationship since its something that went too fast for me to elaborate. 

How can I manage to not act impulsively with that relationship? I'm scared I will end up being with them just because they are happy and when I talk to them I get overwhelmed by the old feelings I had for them. (they live in America, I'm in Europe.)

I'm scared to hurt anyone and to end up hurting myself.",7.447841432225061,6.1243316869565225,7.579198635976128,76.8695140664962,64.01449275362319,10.320545609548168,34.20716112531969,9.168548406835145,2.8007851662404093,1372,48,273,19,17,446,160,345,0.214,0.7040000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9939,0,2,1,0,0,1,39.0,5,0,21,1,16,22,3,4,18,0,22,2,1,6,0,56,54,22,0,3,8,2,4,3,2,2,0,4,0,1,12,27,0,3,9,0,0,5,7,15,0,1,13,8,58,7,49,35,0,49,1,6,0,1,49,18,2,0,28,194,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922072113638238,0.0,0.0,0.08760166354498193,0.09824240953603172,0.05498122581499232,0.0,0.0,0.09133824009632467,0.0,0.056532665998966364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433834409250027,0.06750692952489745,0.2957148957960662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214199138569424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214829078729418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266336591120452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635221054121882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877153575678377,0.0,0.0,0.062465024501285285,0.0,0.0422411363406434,0.0,0.045949297066133266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213407613913534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112457737113024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731046217014804,0.09127056148000737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886682393536524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849865541266315,0.0,0.1427852398239346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297088327969932,0.0,0.16190534342995938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453423076612896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808607767077004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483917411162673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605167221240051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743258946993634,0.0,0.0,0.07736316887074844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179500736080845,0.0,0.0,0.5208201508407059,0.0,0.0,0.07690749860820646,0.0642956952346509,0.2428368655127359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299204746922356,0.20064152084190853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622427931995812,0.0,0.0905057019821514,0.05722651799668916,0.0,0.06456744683220939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599388131637861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053713590366791436,0.10361168517533037,0.0,0.0,0.04714467391216673,0.0,0.0,0.07725627677100064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965803405623745,0.0,0.0,0.047687817963479255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989875600042246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779371574956248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239373659027982,0.0,0.0,0.09824240953603172,0.10413035706914896
bpd,myheadsagun,2018/12/20,Would anyone be ok with talking with me a little bit? Just for a little bit. Be warned I’m toxic.,-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-1.5784095238095242,75,1,16,0,3,26,16,21,0.092,0.799,0.11,0.0935,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655678278745172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6762473035537913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6208225699064741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489335683433329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000945323224455,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bittibabi,2018/12/20,"Boyfriend seems to constantly be active on Facebook despite saying he's not and it's making me a paranoid mess It's just as the title says. His active status is constantly going off and on every 10 or so minutes yet he won't respond to my texts for hours, or he'll say he was asleep/busy and wasn't even on Facebook. This has been going on for the past few days and I know Facebook's active status isn't always accurate, but this is the first time I've seen it act like this for him. It's causing my mind to run wild and I'm getting super paranoid. We even had a fight about it a couple days ago, and I eventually just dropped the subject completely with him because it was exhausting and he was dead set on telling me that I'm just being paranoid and he isn't sure why Facebook is saying he's online. 

I just don't know what to do. It's so stupid but it's really upsetting to see him online or active 2 minutes ago when he wasn't replied to me in an hour. And I'm afraid to bring it up again with him in fear of starting a fight. I don't want to lose him over this but I also need to stop getting anxious and paranoid over it.",2.384055470626773,3.6781523236514566,3.898750818956106,89.70243502948244,75.55601659751035,6.401485040401836,25.13234330639877,6.8360192770164,0.8703643153526972,894,30,194,8,19,297,121,241,0.196,0.7240000000000001,0.08,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,1,0,0,3,13,12,3,3,9,0,19,1,0,2,1,34,37,21,1,2,11,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,16,13,0,1,3,0,0,5,8,9,0,1,8,6,17,3,28,25,1,34,0,1,2,0,23,11,0,4,17,120,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545288163974032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148113125497318,0.11946011322197553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219102418201325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751774679196173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748392835391952,0.0,0.0,0.15052836215601068,0.3102921031710873,0.0,0.0,0.15885530946987034,0.0,0.1851790219915953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896506774722318,0.0,0.12096226872192024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155396327520807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211890449388604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001675439500156,0.0,0.1631860553419971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827712066148615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780248420244644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014009417195775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606159174386578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583278388749522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496279732735035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645388514129868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705194262226494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919733649619823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566842824913256,0.0,0.0,0.1144051428846196,0.1306989548007658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016182001587187,0.0,0.0,0.12002931295140315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353111819790337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548479807217608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371568073216076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468015180000535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954782871473033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rozwould,2018/12/20,"How do I stop being afraid of my own mental illness? I've been doing better recently, but I live in constant fear of relapse. I'm afraid if I get close to people I'll hurt them. I'm afraid of going places that might make me panic. I'm worried about being home for the holidays will trigger my depression. 

How can I get over this kind of thing?  ",1.6190342052313866,3.7249517887323975,3.3234607645875265,89.30056338028173,80.40845070422536,5.74728370221328,21.410462776659962,6.868970318607317,0.5668012072434605,271,8,55,3,7,90,52,71,0.3,0.636,0.064,-0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,9,0,5,1,0,8,1,0,4,0,9,15,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,2,9,10,1,8,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804858261599332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542083269818153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026098408871188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647077531253072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458039232340261,0.0,0.13369097599102664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359625403062148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182676669155696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24496381027584904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077191522832257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702295619568316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370642199520082,0.2495499694447079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276000694275958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308416542737628,0.0,0.2457732736047087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226879738709136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666920635314472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562814401661717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889524949869576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChasingOz33,2018/12/20,"Mentally exhausted I seriously despise being in a relationship for any length of time. They do nothing but cause the BPD to surface on a daily basis. 

I can’t stay single either because of the emptiness and loneliness. Something has to give at some point. ",5.412608695652175,7.95789569565218,6.594999999999999,68.26250000000003,70.30434782608695,8.947826086956523,35.413043478260875,9.516144504307137,4.119973913043479,206,11,30,5,4,69,41,46,0.255,0.745,0.0,-0.8847,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,8,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,24,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103930077844924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859876091330227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896606854616373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31782452315980136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967911277706621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117881988386933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29686409617117016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29246965907991423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33216465082968266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381803657530888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297641831208131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804053947210314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spurnout,2018/12/20,"Anyone feel like FP's become FP's real quick and then lose it just as fast? It feels like sometimes someone becomes an FP real quick but if they do something to piss me off, I do get pissed for a minute but then just become petty and lose interest in them entirely and ghost them.  Just noticed this pattern I do.",3.4109523809523807,4.997079301587301,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,73.44444444444444,6.309841269841268,25.29841269841269,6.742157984588678,0.9496565079365079,248,8,49,2,5,79,44,63,0.264,0.638,0.098,-0.9302,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,2,5,7,2,0,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,13,6,9,1,1,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,3,5,6,0,7,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,1,7,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866786830098315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6096917603157331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608746245807345,0.2629213221128771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614046802004972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980128973879636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117323971258169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950278844836734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188996943828648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591567798673753,0.14166406937602188,0.1819959670502566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peach_cheeks,2018/12/20,Is anybody else also diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder? I’m dealing with the mix and it’s so fucking hard. I hope I’m not the only one. Anybody have any helpful ways to cope with these? :(,1.333947368421054,3.9802697631578963,3.2108421052631577,85.57889473684213,88.21052631578951,6.197894736842105,28.65263157894737,7.554174236665415,2.244404210526316,153,8,28,3,5,51,31,38,0.18,0.679,0.141,-0.1752,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894791682404154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319226050381248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318961967617994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30804666921591145,0.0,0.30327274644453256,0.0,0.0,0.34244734010234285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496066194321339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27623308559291776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676634938408154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002773842684329,0.0,0.0,0.29677291981113724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247263425285933,0.22724864355741986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371712141459225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BettydelSol,2018/12/20,"DAE find it terrifying that jokes/memes about suicide are so commonplace? You see them all the time, in many subreddits. And they usually make me chuckle bc I can totally relate. But when you think about it... how many ppl are suffering silently that these are ‘popular’ jokes in our society? It’s really sad that something as awful as suicide can be turned into a meme.",3.721701680672268,6.488686926470593,4.683865546218488,78.78382352941179,76.79411764705883,9.17983193277311,28.831932773109244,9.606745405546679,3.337316806722688,293,13,51,9,7,95,54,68,0.271,0.6729999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9631,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,1,2,2,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,2,9,10,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,3,7,9,2,6,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362796488445648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256195467033478,0.5241908678997892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561246570985502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060043993262825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990188433152168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5655507855695938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564711091462872,0.0,0.0,0.1507432103888235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811920161450893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847197045922249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yotsubasa,2018/12/20,"My birthday was shit but my therapist is awesome and he didn’t need to do this.... I have a history of shit birthdays (mine was on the 11th) and this year was no different. My therapist of many years has been my biggest support and cheer leader in my recovery and turning my life around and sent me a little something. It’s a book of his he was going to lend me, written inside “merry Christmas and happy birthday, this is the book I was talking about” with a piece of coral from his travels. It really made my day and such a nice gesture. I went to post a pick of the book and coral but group guidelines won’t allow for images. Anyway I wanted to share with you all cause if any group on here will appreciate a good therapist who sticks by you it’s this group. And to show that there are good people out there. <3 ",3.258180112570358,4.799622829268298,4.151951219512196,87.76453095684806,73.75609756097559,6.997373358348968,25.4202626641651,7.61054688173877,1.2269752345215763,640,21,131,8,13,206,101,164,0.053,0.716,0.231,0.9887,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,7,9,2,0,10,0,15,3,2,4,1,23,24,12,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,0,5,0,4,3,2,0,0,11,0,18,7,21,11,2,15,0,0,0,0,13,7,2,1,3,93,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121066974490909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675543569331445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935095911682507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063174995831974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223784096003034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369059834214832,0.2765442276507125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549065620456575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644159241893033,0.0,0.16522749476166051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559892921354732,0.0,0.1671365647270912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223750581913595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428933722532132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578850189629412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560999929521853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384415032003824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269130304422762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870749068659644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250378402204602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.574226261803652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931433180236028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972354417565806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282175176923896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232175642096526
bpd,WrecksOfTheDay,2018/12/20,"I don't know how to stop feeling insane over my boyfriend's friend. My boyfriend has a friend that I just don't know how to feel about. They became friends about two years ago and initially her existence just threw me off the deep end. I started getting panic attacks, I would cut myself, I would constantly be insecure and insane over her.

Now, I want to make it clear that I in no way think he's going to leave me for her. I don't think he's cheating, I don't think he likes her, I don't think he would ever want to be with her, I don't think she's more important to him than I am. 

I'm not even totally sure why I feel so insane over her. Sometimes I have theories but they're ones that are really irrational and some days they hold true, some days they don't. It's better now than it used to be. I don't spend every day obsessing and stressing over her. Some days I even feel some kind of friendship towards her. Sometimes I have no problem with her whatsoever.

Other days I feel like I'm drowning in jealousy and disgust and hatred. Like I'd rather she disappear forever than spend another moment dealing with her.

I wish I could stop. I try really hard. I give them space, I encourage them to spend time together, I try to help them work out issues, I let him talk about her whenever he wants/needs to, whether it be good things or bad. I try very hard not to let my jealousy affect anything and I've never let my feelings towards her affect how I treat her. I still try to be kind to her and not let myself get overly petty or anything.

But no matter how hard I try I can't shake the feelings. Sometimes it hits me that she's still around, still talking to us, and I feel such dread and misery and I just want to melt down because I'm so fucking sick of her very existence.

I don't know how to quit obsessing over her. I just want to be free of it.",2.8410156250000043,4.197436903645833,3.906166666666668,89.85550000000002,74.49479166666666,7.203333333333332,25.03958333333333,7.793537801064563,1.1609933333333338,1457,47,317,20,30,472,167,384,0.226,0.637,0.13699999999999998,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,6,3,25,29,5,7,3,0,29,2,0,9,6,78,63,23,1,11,13,0,11,3,3,3,1,0,0,0,12,16,0,3,16,0,4,4,17,14,0,2,1,11,71,16,44,47,6,42,0,0,0,1,42,16,1,6,24,211,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024215522339848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309084906150356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041679228164055,0.07054107902503229,0.0,0.09014780740083696,0.0,0.0,0.0661627271576719,0.04830443359595788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008201537928943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563111393056656,0.0,0.06326730132004196,0.0,0.0,0.2555186833254662,0.08169374713060676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701837960514671,0.0,0.0,0.10467555315566304,0.07167780668947922,0.0667637603946069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32053208524746946,0.056609616870245676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183663650623522,0.07325680846014307,0.08280005617809216,0.07601496029901132,0.04503435167721779,0.0664633923931518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295247733972414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311341306838453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270676910238549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503412138893053,0.13064595294404413,0.0,0.0,0.08390452647993601,0.0,0.3241161952874799,0.0,0.11613910248617433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289382457038383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111536140969712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369559172843199,0.0,0.0,0.09297196192220207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582270842522075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428230531436233,0.0,0.0,0.1015273236173152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351134221564973,0.0,0.0560870198518231,0.0,0.18984532690609493,0.1324976519519359,0.09077002620972456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468348128561661,0.0,0.0,0.12738144731276574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264404186515805,0.25387140641886563,0.0,0.0,0.046205926101818784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689963826459135,0.0,0.07740671124942505,0.0,0.09531688114698868,0.06843857710364235,0.0,0.13076385636257698,0.18695302013395465,0.0628976292599212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150246343209071,0.0,0.09112296671860276,0.0,0.0,0.0576882191659722,0.0,0.0,0.16887109337074754,0.0,0.0,0.05102845331645618
bpd,Hoho_angel_fedEx,2018/12/20,"Borderline trump card I hate how people can just be raging assholes to you when you did nothing to them, zero sense of empathy, and when you call them out they say, ""You're borderline so by default I'm right and you're psycho."" I'm so tired of people claiming we have no empathy and then going OFF insulting us and implying all type of terrible shit about us as individuals, and then turning around and p much saying, ""No matter what I do, WebMD says you have no empathy and I do, so I'm obviously a good person and you suck.""",2.974190476190476,4.846555942857143,5.030476190476193,79.77619047619052,75.28571428571428,8.476190476190476,25.952380952380953,9.150863307647796,2.279952380952381,414,15,80,10,9,143,67,105,0.263,0.701,0.036000000000000004,-0.9796,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,5,3,0,9,7,5,0,1,0,7,2,1,1,2,16,14,17,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,3,14,1,11,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,17,4,2,0,4,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267215922990587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095328932499436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166203065518325,0.17211264083291336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025932429705771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084615092228912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689563952446013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28452070493025555,0.17917336683843427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752403064900367,0.0,0.489551581873144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063560566106304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358480586319841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231994748028072,0.0,0.0,0.493662437003607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,overthinkexpert,2018/12/20,"FP (Favourite Person)? Hello, I see this term on the boards a lot, and I have trouble understanding what it means exactly. How is it different from a friend or a significant other? Is it a good or a bad thing to have an ""FP""? I have studied psychology and psychiatry in school but never came across this term. Neither have I encountered the concept in my personal experience with BPD. Can someone please explain? Thank you. ",3.7517207792207774,6.553639415584418,5.020892857142859,76.20848214285716,76.92207792207795,8.525324675324676,30.404220779220786,9.188382445141503,3.2279363636363643,333,16,58,9,8,110,57,77,0.053,0.785,0.162,0.8181,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,8,0,7,0,0,1,2,14,13,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,6,3,7,12,4,8,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,3,3,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439159566861627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29322354215539226,0.0,0.0,0.26627942686468303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24324311808797075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773867549395616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987302743203096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527497513917125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793179729929236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536048246859411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956201527157906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065718193115545,0.0,0.2555620026054219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356221734531577,0.18552417141673067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726420109776266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143456493184062,0.0,0.0,0.15467257382281105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423696173227995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adjf0812,2018/12/20,"DAE use Doctor on Demand, or similar? I stopped going to therapy because of cost, even after insurance, was unaffordable. 

My work has a discount, so all DoD visits are $10. They have psychiatrist and psychologists.

I'm considering trying this again... I'm wondering what others experiences are, and if you recommend a particular Dr.",5.382631578947367,8.627205421052633,7.5746491228070205,57.67671052631579,73.73684210526315,11.519298245614035,34.06140350877193,10.864195022040775,5.5105929824561395,267,14,37,11,6,94,51,57,0.063,0.8909999999999999,0.046,0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,8,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,26,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147852340308671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606383457748366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327194576993333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446594028054732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024484388590386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294574815027107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029353243824157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392180042243325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30431152392552696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821013299181919,0.25651015304367697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DemiGodDeni,2018/12/20,"Can anyone relate? thought I could get my life together, but I can't.

 My mental disorder (borderline personality disorder) has risen again and like always I have fallen. 
I told a girl I loved she should kill herself but I actually meant it to me. I don't really love her, she's just a form of salvation for me, a mirror reflecting the good things of myself, that I can't see otherwise. I destroyed our relationship like so many times with other girls in the past because I always make the same mistakes which by definition is insanity, I think. 

This year I went back to the high school I dropped out of last year because I thought I had changed, nope, I'm still the insane kid I used to be.

I want to kill myself by drowing 'cause I nearly drowned 3 times as a kid and I feel like I'm drowning in my sorrow anyway. I hope the sea isn't frozen up yet. 

The other idea was that I commit some kind of crime, head to prison, and live my life there. I wouldn't be a danger to myself or other people. I could focus on the things that I love like reading, listening to music, playing the guitar, working out, writing songs etc and I could get help from a psychologist. School fucking sucks anyway, I heard you only retain like 1,45% of things you learned there. By this point I sound like the dude in Catcher in the Rye.

I actually went to a psychologist this month on my own behalf, behind the backs of my parents, but the next appointment is at the end of january and it's not sure that I get picked for free therapy yet, as it's costy otherwise. So don't tell me to go to a therapist, been there.

A 'friend' told me that he loved me yesterday but I don't believe him. 
I've been skipping school for 4 days. I had to edit a short film for the christmas celebration in school tomorrow but I despise how I look in that video, so I didn't. My class mates probably hate me by now. 

I'm a fucking vampire sucking out blood of other people's life, no one likes me, they used to, but I can't bring myself to act like a fun person anymore, I always hear stories of people with BPD abusing their partners, but I can't imagine even getting a girlfriend in my state. Well, my libido is non-existant anyway at the moment. 

The only thing keeping me from suicide is that I don't want people to remember me like I am now. 
(But at the same time I want to die to show them how much of my suffering is real)
I want to beat these demons and become someone amazing to look up to, but it's so hard with BPD. It's only beating my problems, or commiting suicide for me. I won't live in this state. 

Fuck, I hate myself. It hurts so much. I want to get better and to help others instead of needing help myself. 

I don't know what to do. Can you help me?",3.2145702252019923,4.488470211191338,4.634430118617843,85.32969915764144,73.42238267148016,7.4422554581399325,26.18686608217294,7.957251820313856,1.4668014096613375,2123,72,440,30,42,708,258,554,0.19699999999999998,0.639,0.16399999999999998,-0.9872,1,0,0,0,0,4,66.0,1,3,3,4,25,41,12,0,31,0,35,12,2,7,3,68,83,27,7,14,13,1,2,9,4,3,3,5,0,7,29,13,0,2,11,7,1,6,16,17,1,1,14,10,85,25,69,61,8,53,1,3,3,7,40,22,5,4,31,304,114,9,0.0,0.07888243877306188,0.1299384053275186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619130835668156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602614311738192,0.046551938841817166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238666242969544,0.0,0.08116901087455351,0.07352867480528802,0.0,0.07500908142600014,0.0,0.058881633060988675,0.0,0.0,0.16770190993015585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839255478570366,0.07042926368118514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946810323265648,0.0,0.0,0.042936428897971585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909604741330863,0.0,0.1526052084086088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058967147328228726,0.0,0.07425055899089524,0.043973246759604366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03366315260354317,0.04756236917898345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514369515209067,0.18464710917448832,0.1739177483310663,0.0,0.03783704216047823,0.05584133192662972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963959779735279,0.1314613089667836,0.06832684612139972,0.0,0.07503671864413491,0.0,0.17849968965553156,0.0703418817719708,0.0,0.06612563155589846,0.0,0.0,0.07127167647489463,0.07515692955561835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917638194448153,0.14731438921579434,0.06932933168070228,0.03658878349184253,0.05426885232683835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107516184811028,0.2927338767134415,0.0,0.11757679625297578,0.0,0.1118152297052119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24035208923152854,0.0,0.044440428156779774,0.06749826938922975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709360013698361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053140843629831284,0.0,0.097882990380509,0.049365739392334164,0.0,0.0,0.07080501827778728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045114058322023205,0.1519036179414748,0.0,0.0,0.07392548652763697,0.0,0.0635549418766975,0.18462345411843548,0.11626431854880324,0.0,0.0,0.06293644990925315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178088474817163,0.06370485881465597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659466254943679,0.07577879858921241,0.04265070419668356,0.0,0.0,0.07147840215061331,0.07541836153518132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951648029030784,0.05305296712551702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641017607551056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053168195467028716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564808971439278,0.0,0.062747700918379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819092305657441,0.0,0.07613619687151735,0.07730061735818912,0.17692226110652645,0.04265962648628479,0.0,0.10570884042303567,0.1164641329696034,0.0,0.0,0.12723367659525833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500169230075324,0.0,0.0,0.19634315365351648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059860400254957785,0.12343443562211845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846859118547097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857463543988574
bpd,jrjr20,2018/12/20,"DAE stop exhibiting any BPD symptoms at all when things are going well with their FP? Just for the sake of people who don't know because I see it get asked a lot, DAE means ""does anybody else"" and FP means ""favourite person""

I had undiagnosed BPD throughout my teenage years, but when I was 18 I got into a relationship with someone who was perfect for me and spent the next 5 years with pretty much no problems at all. This summer just gone we had to go long distance and my feelings moved onto a new FP and I immediately went straight back to how I was before. But I've recently moved onto a new FP again and things are going well with him and it's like I'm a completely different person again.

I was also diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder, which I kind of thought everyone with BPD meets the criteria for, but maybe this is how it manifests in me?",5.438863636363635,6.271325202380957,6.029458874458874,79.03675324675326,67.80952380952381,9.442424242424243,31.34415584415585,9.573946990214177,2.7868142857142866,686,27,133,14,11,223,105,168,0.067,0.8190000000000001,0.114,0.8406,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,1,12,6,0,0,8,0,10,2,0,3,3,33,26,14,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,10,14,0,1,5,0,1,7,2,1,2,0,11,2,15,5,19,15,4,28,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,2,15,88,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528771047713684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102906084065173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139325577841763,0.0,0.0,0.0916223592594932,0.0,0.07263540092629402,0.0,0.10139159681920612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502122915865501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493109496946565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093918224067643,0.0,0.12449096094861345,0.13656123657008806,0.0,0.10427279635340196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953819058879113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385711136859845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024803208653923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225324291680195,0.0,0.2031545313350384,0.0,0.09529863848571699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408094538351795,0.065484128233193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821280880663737,0.0,0.0,0.10544787212723868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130078845298952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970658492168118,0.25958809091519186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532844867001009,0.08759217555504008,0.0,0.0,0.23016007535675445,0.12672202937520255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260664055038955,0.3121230122269049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122283594114625,0.0,0.11401464453242775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765057022271692,0.12792720625374338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495060974556002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095911509627806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961839271133452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384701881099255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158321744096647,0.0,0.0,0.09459526391725374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142681856181339,0.1104572991948846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534630214813089
bpd,kidneycat,2018/12/20,"I guess I'm in an abusive relationship. advice, please. tonight was really bad. he threw my phone against the wall. took my laptop, work laptop, hookah, and purse and put them outside. I think I am bruised from him trying to physically move me. but I want nothing else than to be with him. I'm sick in my brain. 


how do you leave your favorite person if they hate you? How do you leave your favorite person if they hurt you? how do you leave your f a vor ite per son. how do you leave? please help. ",0.4554538461538478,2.8726789300000064,1.4520000000000015,98.35330769230772,89.7,4.276923076923079,17.69230769230769,5.8734145424116955,-0.5235461538461532,383,10,86,3,13,119,66,100,0.20800000000000002,0.645,0.147,-0.7381,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,9,3,1,4,3,1,0,3,0,7,2,1,4,0,13,15,9,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,3,0,22,0,8,11,0,8,0,1,0,0,21,3,0,3,1,49,22,3,0.0,0.1823914768584856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042653012212925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853188385564746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718458304601007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859552999899973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958017275240642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198200426575526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031814638386022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479392032787216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6519928857697772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361183890855205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770775909076642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688256232425625,0.0,0.3379556150441117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475030891518568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986166889422297,0.0,0.0,0.16527191012997974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863731900390932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103089368881538,0.10451386542588956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079668002898232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206877050291136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tzt-t,2018/12/20,"DAE feel rejected when asking for help? Does anyone else experience feeling bad asking for help, and then feeling worse when ""rejected""? 

So my case management worker has been on me for not asking for help when I need it. She's always talking about how ""im allowed to ask for extra support if I need it"" and whatever. This has been a particularly bad week and she's been worried. I felt like I needed extra support and finally had the courage to ask for it and she said she's too busy this week, and that we only have time for our scheduled meeting.

I know it was a one time thing, but I can't help but feel like I never want to ask her (or anyone) for help ever again. I know it's silly. But I can't help it. Just wondering if anyone else gets like this. How do you cope?",2.5628091528724437,4.1305618924050655,4.1613924050632916,86.87479552093477,75.64556962025316,6.886854917234664,23.54625121713729,7.61054688173877,1.0067433300876334,601,18,126,8,13,201,86,158,0.07,0.721,0.209,0.9628,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,0,1,11,11,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,3,2,32,33,19,0,6,8,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,6,19,7,13,26,2,14,0,2,0,0,23,1,0,4,16,85,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413005791506045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120914513876668,0.20719444077875585,0.0,0.0,0.5671346783095674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884211878399907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848039976788757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689257256632704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914580857769121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890314539372104,0.0,0.0,0.20449321973406875,0.07223166325312506,0.09707965392356084,0.11075900658915988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528248211686743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066238613597987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921412305012207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111327603584594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818896514579288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491117614075234,0.077980817553608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851348082420887,0.07689728362626311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617697847298708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947259952495425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126687933678166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717174421094102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791391918921748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059636190549667276,0.0,0.16220567499938746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096474463787151,0.0,0.10268020678253784,0.10303781521645716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ISimscraft,2018/12/20,"Discord Support Group After being brought aware of the absence of a discord support group for bpd, I made one. It’s brand new, just made for this subreddit. You can share it with other people with BPD who aren’t part of this subreddit. Please take note that this is for support.
Here is the link: https://discord.gg/g4jn6NH",3.9078571428571434,7.087646879310348,2.9000492610837436,89.0284482758621,80.20689655172413,5.383251231527094,25.52709359605912,6.868970318607317,1.2103714285714289,261,10,45,3,7,75,41,58,0.083,0.723,0.19399999999999998,0.7351,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,12,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,4,9,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908824749390849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687953768346644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821378747536371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205395581293122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110332113325204,0.0,0.1351034375923401,0.0,0.0,0.2139168421082239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6634336225529966,0.0,0.0,0.1465235365921157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayjjejjejdjed,2018/12/20,"splitting because my boyfriend is punishing me please help I'm absolutely losing it. i just had a great few days on a trip with my bf and now everything sucks and i wanna die. i got a snapchat call from a group chat some guy ""accidentally"" created with a bunch of people in it. i told my boyfriend all confused and he grabbed my phone and started reading in the chat and the guy apparently said ""idk how i created this group haha i haven't talked to you guys in a while and i haven't talked to op in months"" this guy is lying or dumb because i hadn't talked to him for over two years since before i met my bf. my bf private messaged him pretending to be me and then the guy changed his timeline again and said we hadn't talked in a year or longer. my boyfriend started taking this all out on me and even though i had the receipts to show i hadn't talked to this guy in years he still kept calling me a slut and a whore and everything in between. i started getting mad and splitting because he kept looking for SOMETHING in my phone to catch me on, but i have never cheated thats just something i could never do. he's getting all mad at me for talking to someone BEFORE WE MET. he's saying i should be ashamed of myself and karma is gonna get me and that I'm a disgusting slut, etc.. he also is threatening to leave me because i ""had a lot of guys hitting me up before we met"" and that makes me sus and likely a whore and that he is sick of overlooking ""everything that has happened"" and all these guys randomly hitting me up throughout our relationship. fyi this is not a common occurrence and i can't even remember the last time a guy tried to contact me. meanwhile he has the same girl hitting him up bi-weekly saying she misses him and i never get like this. he can just take his insecurities out on me like its nothing, kick me out of our bedroom and force me to sleep on a reclining chair in the living room. i kept crying and asking him to stop taking his anger out on me and saying that shit but he would literally just say 'shut the fuck up and leave me alone I'm not talking to a slut' over and over. there is no reason for him to be doing this. I'm faithful and always have been, we have had such a good past few days and now because of this its all ruined. now all i can do is try to drink myself to sleep while trying to fall asleep on a reclining chair because he locked me out of our bedroom. i don't know what to do right now",4.149220779220779,4.661366000000005,4.999300144300144,86.42246753246755,70.54761904761905,7.775757575757577,28.566378066378068,7.686295010490155,1.5359412698412702,1920,67,412,21,33,625,209,504,0.198,0.754,0.048,-0.9978,1,1,3,0,0,1,31.0,7,1,0,1,17,28,10,3,26,1,37,12,4,3,9,75,73,37,1,4,10,0,1,3,3,3,1,6,3,10,20,38,1,4,3,6,0,3,13,21,0,1,18,8,67,7,63,45,13,61,2,3,1,6,72,32,4,6,29,284,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737729045924101,0.0,0.0520244059627707,0.0541309152260286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081758005426769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23794129795771374,0.0,0.1660708679342732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285671918265368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881949253764162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194106997952073,0.0,0.07145978853308595,0.08391009911768578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751674901594977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372906711265326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255344615727846,0.0859363386483027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754015355128921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014223675286224,0.13595406861117812,0.0,0.0,0.05456499081422734,0.052030372347647534,0.07172329267119383,0.0,0.5797314992729694,0.05752786190306741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043604949910550764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575248953157692,0.05302845269885945,0.0,0.13776756051114636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534766180523266,0.0,0.05744469719973165,0.0,0.0546297587401032,0.07277982898498893,0.0,0.055307377167925366,0.0,0.0,0.043424672558690015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192622640756272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052312320452266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242196221045415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210229412610025,0.045100898968973464,0.0,0.0,0.07141078018159808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507253722137178,0.0,0.0,0.06688730542456381,0.0,0.06984465130395501,0.0736945567451406,0.055556556843456915,0.12376427634634656,0.2069371735372681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677795327771899,0.053814112367493484,0.0,0.1302038286538678,0.0,0.055120833139034216,0.10016493056633452,0.0,0.0,0.13813864803540096,0.0,0.051952953075676434,0.05438883648082494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467396390095784,0.3660208331668119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391614081324412,0.0,0.03793405425944506,0.0,0.0,0.062162775807375475,0.0,0.1325040864117584,0.0,0.06354921613540185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218314274451952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621315748302969,0.0,0.0,0.12567973073084754
bpd,anewvogue,2018/12/20,"Anyone have a copy of walking on eggshells? I previously had a pdf of this downloaded but seems that I lost it.

Does anyone have one they can PM me?",1.7819999999999998,3.975891866666668,3.256666666666668,89.525,80.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,23.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.0913333333333342,116,4,25,2,3,38,25,30,0.11699999999999999,0.883,0.0,-0.5122,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6131985633116588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837216469399735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786587595389825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971291468892894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991807630731189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,icameinmyownbutt,2018/12/20,"I'm really frustrated by how insensitive people are to Pete Davidson. I have a hell of a time coping with borderline personality disorder and I feel that I'm fortunate to be able to mostly avoid people I want to avoid and keep a low profile. Pete Davidson has borderline personality disorder though and everything he is going through is happening in the public eye. I made a twitter account so I could message him my support (found out he doesn't even have a twitter) and I was pretty pissed off by how much hate he was getting. People were being super critical and saying that he was manipulating people instead of getting help in private. Neurotypical people can't even begin to relate to what it's like to have borderline. And as borderlines, I feel like most of us probably can't even begin to relate to what it must be like to deal with our symptoms in the public eye... when I break down and my symptoms show in public, it can ruin me for weeks or longer, and that's knowing people have probably forgotten me since i'm just a low profile stranger crying or something. I can't even imagine having to deal with tons people talking about my symptoms for days because of my celebrity status. He's so brave. I was looking for an address to write him a letter but I couldn't find one that seemed current. I don't usually keep up with celebrity news but i really admire him because he's openly borderline in the entertainment industry. Plus he's super hot. I don't know if anyone cares but i figured if anybody felt the same way it'd probably be people here. ",6.629201040505388,7.077999056856193,7.542513935340023,70.57271553325903,65.12040133779264,10.122705314009664,35.005759940542546,9.994966539143718,3.6631804533630627,1254,55,211,26,18,422,152,299,0.10300000000000001,0.773,0.124,0.9017,1,2,1,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,0,2,14,19,4,2,12,0,29,6,3,4,1,50,53,23,0,6,8,0,4,3,0,1,3,1,1,2,10,15,0,4,10,2,1,1,7,9,0,1,8,8,26,10,38,37,5,23,1,3,3,0,25,12,2,7,11,148,36,0,0.09634654230730308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736774254995541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174639158685147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823172104273788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692487424288169,0.0,0.1058321526394801,0.06213554923763313,0.19865810911270693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084296911428367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545439301123684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659005976489302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974314133605196,0.06882998907528673,0.0925077897704677,0.0,0.08805899420409193,0.0,0.0,0.1056390106849237,0.0,0.0,0.10067418359735804,0.0,0.0547559603001791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519892917300581,0.0,0.0,0.0951222638421983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457905641063623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127446731789206,0.0,0.0,0.10589907994467064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121016175855094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090683004139727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116542789310528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082579437110817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528691053554186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343564901989273,0.16825216896671882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801907073372357,0.3116336043588567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234441241925434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661863750981694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771027359350413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969885541429768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417227533433801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933291445214577,0.0,0.30042284366839456,0.0,0.07743970116445191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465998863881103,0.0,0.056180443617757515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158930275588202,0.0,0.10611210461452424,0.0,0.056827686905682975,0.07647540072113235,0.07728338470507473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Valiyana,2018/12/20,"Thank you mister abandonment issues  Lately, my paranoia and abandonment issues have been acting up way more than usual. 
My long distance FP/FWB plus a little more, just...straight up told me he doesn't want to continue having a 'deep emotional connection' to me, because he can't handle all that it comes with it, because of lately, I've been unbearable. He's been coming off as distant but he insists nothing is wrong, but my brain simply wouldn't accept that he was being honest. His change in attitude has made me paranoid and afraid, eventually leading him to calmly tell me he was just..done, and that he was disappointed in me for allowing my issues to get so bad. Yet still wants to be close friends. 

 I'm not going to lie, I'm absolutely madly in love with him, and he was the first person I've met who truly made me feel loved and wanted, even though he never really reciprocated my feelings, but he accepted them, and in return he made me feel...like he was a home for me to hide in. Safe. Comfortable. I've been a wreck for a few days but I've had to force myself to keep quiet because it's what he wants and this is how it has to be, at least for now.

 This is the second time he's done this to me, but the last time it wasn't my fault, he was stressed out and he admitted it and sometimes will still apologize for it. He tore himself up for two to three months for how he hurt me. 

But this time? It's my fault. I let my paranoia get the best of me and now he doesn't want to connect with me on a deeper level anymore, yet it's so easy for him to act as if nothing happened. It's so simple for him to just be friends. 

I want to hate him. I don't want to keep loving him and suffer every night in my memories only to beat myself the fuck up because I messed it all up. He made me fucking happy and I ruined it. 

Part of me is convinced that I can just...fix myself with time. And he'll want it back, like last time, and things will feel normal again. But...I'm not...normal. I can't be fixed. But I want him back so fucking badly. We weren't just FWB, he was like a boyfriend. I've never loved anyone the way I've loved him or as much. I feel like I'm dying and I don't know what to do.  I wish I could be as apathetic as he comes off.

",2.5147565011820348,3.675874634042554,4.063368794326241,89.18361111111109,75.0,6.839243498817968,22.63002364066194,7.2793139503082624,0.6533144208037829,1738,45,385,19,36,580,202,470,0.151,0.6559999999999999,0.192,0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,1,1,1,4,19,39,5,2,13,0,42,9,1,8,4,76,87,37,1,14,12,0,4,3,2,4,0,1,1,1,25,26,0,5,8,0,0,7,12,19,0,4,21,5,51,20,58,54,9,57,0,6,0,8,50,20,3,2,31,248,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437193885948838,0.052436168248979946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532847806528555,0.12523041862572962,0.18285777205902645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869950467417161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371590239731408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933161994793167,0.19379697052138636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987503062523264,0.0,0.0,0.04836365285138183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778298833012111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674287930012715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843559356287317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049531525923669134,0.0,0.06318401630664226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959110808558247,0.05357431837723907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378817902819918,0.0,0.0,0.1158773065641708,0.20798675896746588,0.07836047683392737,0.0,0.04261969658261257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631520095000742,0.07983040617595727,0.0,0.07403910005377896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522311658034694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028051488303076,0.0,0.0,0.23481657489398775,0.0,0.13331271681510945,0.0,0.0,0.04121365629309336,0.12225702052748537,0.16918854356060042,0.0,0.0,0.07668442747701061,0.0,0.10991194776856823,0.07516171119038781,0.0,0.0663655831717586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384161568641527,0.28383707302932515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059857919708458614,0.0,0.055127767822369216,0.0,0.11567694716634228,0.0,0.0,0.07037493632643392,0.07347626319093496,0.1439137430365482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703481506304695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120905626679681,0.0,0.0,0.06548014454879868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480418121529624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416903128106107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977745771135935,0.0,0.08590311244141466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554633615425316,0.06904258206848361,0.0,0.0,0.049821369856878184,0.0,0.07367928481543741,0.0,0.2186422672289035,0.0,0.0,0.07165809458071586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325631266003857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082593121874235,0.0,0.39809015933989417,0.11905035933623137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623712896080228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199200801418928,0.0,0.0
bpd,ParanoidNobody,2018/12/20,"Does anyone here have any experience with divorce? So my wife told me last week that she wants a divorce. We came to a mutual understanding a few days later that our relationship can no longer function. I am incapable of giving her the physical and emotional attention she deserves.  
I feel so lost. We were talking about buying a house next year and now that’s out the window. I have my disability hearing in two months, so at least I’ll have some income. When do I apply for benefits? I can’t work, so I’m gonna have to rely entirely on state aid. I also don’t have insurance, so I can’t see a doctor right now.  
Can anyone else relate? I need someone to talk to who will understand how I feel. ",2.4850747094631984,4.613035625899286,4.53971223021583,81.55928610957389,77.63309352517986,8.017930271167682,24.36137244050913,8.841846274778883,1.9781495296070832,548,19,107,13,13,188,98,139,0.066,0.882,0.052000000000000005,-0.4081,1,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,3,0,0,2,12,2,0,0,7,0,14,1,0,1,0,16,28,10,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,4,4,18,1,12,22,3,17,0,1,1,0,16,5,0,1,10,73,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387043199841302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794890155905252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425542813185025,0.17771543247311622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983754689014195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185801185551604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775288396254099,0.1517833437136949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489147623482562,0.1951028652992289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966300051809882,0.0,0.0,0.17539853311829884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638474767602154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548570710525925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013284327774436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138124857532133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933627435421027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844255960091287,0.0,0.0,0.12860765564191806,0.0,0.0,0.18446127862116915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621557871466032,0.0,0.1481215267147082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382136236760188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695982656639384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788178785645781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573462756803295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943107079191305,0.3611258072017797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230266173888536,0.0,0.13912753437671152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126270404563168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169322849026912
bpd,Ardennelmarki,2018/12/20,"Recently began having intense nightmares. DAE experience this? (TW) About a month and a half ago I started having horrible nightmares that last all night. I would wake up violently, sometimes screaming, every hour or two. Every time I fell back asleep I would go right back into the same nightmare. 

The strange part of this is that these dreams always have the same setting/environment, but the content of the dream always changes. Mostly it is about people trying to find me / kill me. Other times I'm being tortured, raped, or watching other get tortured or killed. 

And these nightmares are fairly new. I mean, I've had a few nightmares in my past, but nothing this extreme. And especially not this often. It's happening 3-4 nights out of the week. 

I feel myself starting to get delusional. Dreaming about being in the same place the majority of the nights makes me feel like I'm living a second life. They are so exhausting, not just from sleeping well, but emotionally too. I'm meeting these people in my dreams that I'm forming intense bonds with, since they are sheltering me from danger. I've always had a horrible time deciphering dreams from reality.

I've told my psych and he has added Seroquel + Prazosin to the mix. Still having strange dreams.. hoping it gets better. 

Anyways, thanks for reading. Just wondering if anyone else can relate. Going to try and get some sleep.

Stay safe, everyone. <3",4.297292549969718,7.1900749133858275,4.526299212598424,80.01135675348276,75.45669291338581,6.584857662023016,27.87946698970321,7.748469712250963,2.0593208964264087,1124,46,182,17,26,351,156,254,0.179,0.7020000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,2,1,13,15,7,0,15,0,17,7,4,1,1,36,39,13,2,4,11,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,15,8,0,1,5,7,0,3,2,9,1,3,4,4,16,6,22,31,10,32,0,0,1,1,5,8,0,9,21,121,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979462520881484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28102461784388977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871796035708767,0.11535064474818915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313283688616987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956711089532272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909381487359755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404543527604088,0.12663639275046987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970558135412965,0.10757420377639744,0.0,0.11012401245815047,0.0,0.0,0.11384680329404152,0.08042656835932208,0.0,0.0,0.10289530497036538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352718406000453,0.0,0.12796265242308075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955337191436632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181649943930484,0.1108677869303224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491043023948264,0.0,0.0,0.0917670342497372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951798409846697,0.05500048685310993,0.0,0.09940945336138267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514745784884345,0.0,0.0,0.12263169974351942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985960469679903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872964608887424,0.0,0.3169437222170345,0.0,0.10802273218554144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219122503668176,0.10746953874782147,0.15609641729066484,0.0,0.11762125211529975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260961706392307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115833050230056,0.0,0.0,0.0961419802988262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931266375202608,0.0,0.22532090972707916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113436595211119,0.0,0.15936820581289787,0.1199943964160084,0.08990585584959243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364775725815152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196937425813261,0.0,0.0,0.10757420377639744,0.0,0.15286770802120095,0.0,0.10997347267058392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030420470100277,0.0,0.10122217745303327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208728754728353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994599841020438,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deanzo1994,2018/12/20,.. anyone ever used CBD for helping symptoms of there bpd ???,4.7650000000000015,7.699797500000002,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,74.0,4.0,30.0,3.1291,1.4290000000000005,45,2,6,0,1,14,10,10,0.0,0.8009999999999999,0.19899999999999998,0.4098,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075501304614859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539698835414444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39786534575173454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948190999489557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571677841973666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798852029619105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chunkopunk,2018/12/20,"DAE have tattoos? I have 2 tattoos, one carefully planned out and another chosen literally 2 hours before I got it done. I really love them, it's great to have a part of myself that never changes.

I was just wondering if you guys have tattoos and how you feel about them.",4.212735849056603,5.7074789056603805,5.3850471698113225,80.0541745283019,71.26415094339623,9.073584905660377,30.23113207547169,9.516144504307137,2.8387018867924527,214,9,41,5,4,71,40,53,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.8777,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,9,11,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,9,3,4,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831099239010733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974312020692786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752746152299751,0.0,0.2856155051754057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27629533160053005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136515957062693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159370918698592,0.2976668922387336,0.0,0.26733431171469396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658875190570737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436781239705275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208234306344358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295341857449546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923747888380773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296364875211462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927945699390212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ukalujay,2018/12/20,"Cleaning up the past AA’s 9th step reads: We made a list of all the persons we had harmed, and made direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Is there any room in living with bpd for this activity?

So I’ve been diagnosed and have been receiving treatment for BPD for a handful of years now. There are specific incidents in my past which continue to haunt me. Early on in this journey, these were the memories that would resurface when fuming to myself, fueling my rages and depressions. Treatment, study, and practice now allow me to live my life without constantly tormenting myself, to focus on my day and what I can contribute. I’ve not forgotten those incidents though, and they of course come back up in social interactions. Where once I would daydream about how those incidents could have gone differently, I now find myself more and more fantasizing about conversations where I ask for forgiveness or understanding. I’m starting to consider formalizing this process a little. I’m going to talk to my therapist about it, but meanwhile, does anyone else have any thoughts or experience along these lines?

 ",8.629367816091957,9.416407433497538,8.039027093596061,67.55719417077178,60.871921182266036,12.086863711001644,37.11371100164204,11.698219412168324,4.762629228243021,931,41,148,27,12,293,132,203,0.054000000000000006,0.924,0.022000000000000002,-0.7526,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,2,0,17,5,2,0,6,0,15,4,1,4,1,32,26,17,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,12,12,0,0,4,1,0,6,2,4,1,0,8,1,18,1,30,14,3,32,0,1,0,0,12,12,0,3,14,110,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485214964146852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017520827862332,0.14679337231687956,0.0,0.0,0.13393475821391512,0.0,0.0,0.11016302960763504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608780681092792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341133060146105,0.0,0.1548200979803908,0.0,0.11438657445547255,0.0,0.0,0.09239498535624707,0.0,0.1233951530634912,0.14541239520114604,0.0,0.14968291067492973,0.0,0.0,0.12537340497222055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968070594937515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401420442606736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094290755935134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142160505822238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119330560427768,0.0,0.14359058498179456,0.2530137379110576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27112429128019466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257405596126222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27352800755593404,0.0,0.12509470728570773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615113564165275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330518464124314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460420678366661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014047057232988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515211731238947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634334974178894,0.0,0.0,0.14075852505393607,0.11373753026970593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491453902795518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810371131109989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053170514973572,0.0,0.0,0.09225887390239246
bpd,owls145,2018/12/20,"Struggling to cope I’ve started self harming when I get overwhelmed. I’ve always grabbed at my skin a little when uncomfortable but I’ve never self harmed, I’ve never understood it, how could hurting yourself help? But I lose my control all too easily now. I’ve started stabbing myself with closed scissors in the stomach, superficial cuts and marks but I hate how it’s come to this, it takes the focus away and I’ve tried everything else. I’ve made it to 30 years old to start self harming and I feel a complete joke. 

I’ve always struggled but I’m not getting better. I’m just getting worse. I hate it. And if someone else said they self harmed I wouldn’t judge but I feel so pathetic and crazy for doing it. ",1.6906758448060089,4.318143574468087,2.792223612849398,89.81647058823532,84.88652482269505,5.019774718397998,24.606174384647474,6.522977012572876,0.9229821443471008,568,23,109,6,17,181,84,141,0.304,0.594,0.102,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,8,14,3,3,4,0,3,2,2,4,3,28,20,16,0,3,8,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,7,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,12,0,0,3,5,11,2,9,15,1,16,0,3,0,0,7,5,0,1,10,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894695285235088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361061599625135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635946186191215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333248512139292,0.1379444792199095,0.0,0.14756248983894366,0.10504476926374272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198130716235027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824306426316415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330474756862302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621346133260807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25978843268822643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881859365607379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084415613991452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186372561344606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718873419044187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449095864134978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294366612151307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805641660989987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514942276913052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490082507551081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147547020109612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27936933942649506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750827610346483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892128090342618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932469809288425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407702448620545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472420970506556
bpd,unlb,2019/08/27,"Borderline and long-term relationships/marriage I’m not sure if I’m ready right now, but I would like to be in a relationship someday. I’d even like to get married.

But I’m afraid that no matter how well managed my BPD is, it’ll never be good enough for someone to spend a lot of time with me for years and years and years. 

Are there any BPD folks here who are happily married? Also, are there any non-BPD folks who’d like to chime in on how they feel about being married to someone with BPD?

I overall feel like I don’t deserve a long-term relationship because of my problems.",4.226186440677964,5.015073271186445,4.862500000000002,86.47222457627122,70.52542372881356,7.594915254237289,29.15677966101695,7.645422480735847,1.5916237288135595,458,17,97,5,8,147,72,118,0.08800000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.192,0.9164,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,10,9,0,1,3,0,11,0,0,2,2,19,17,9,0,3,4,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,7,7,15,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,10,58,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693663848934763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186973625160588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151508281068019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6736676930358654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816954288371436,0.0,0.08832146190874329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522671485487558,0.09553031188932312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986370539547067,0.0,0.0,0.112158833702997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613173119443783,0.0,0.0,0.236677760955272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368481558891495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313388182928594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279529412954162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871326289530515,0.0,0.1141970066728512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266027452899197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603046363214893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797379271721977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023124173348965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949915645120582,0.0,0.0,0.258335826846747
bpd,LeftHvndLvne,2019/08/27,"The struggle and confusion of quiet BPD I've been turning to online information sources recently to try and come to a better point of understanding about my BPD, what symptoms are common, and how to soothe them. I keep finding page after page of unhelpful articles that put BPD folks in a box, and I'm really struggling to find a source that does an in depth analysis of BPD and its effects. I can hardly find any sources of information about borderline that paint the disorder in any way other than the stereotypical, ""Acts outward and vocally"" type of borderline. Not to discredit anyone that identifies more with the outward form of the illness, but I often feel that I don't fit some of the symptoms related to BPD, specifically ones often described as ""manipulative"" behavior. I find I tend to project all my feelings of abandonment and rejection inwards, I shut down, isolate, and avoid talking to anyone about my real/imagined problems with them for fear of making the situation worse. While there have been times where I act outward, mostly I identify more with the avoidant type of BPD. It seems as if theres no visibility for the quiet BPD.  Every page i've found seems as if its oriented more towards people w/o BPD trying to understand it for a friend/relative who has it. Everything sounds like a warning. ""People with BPD are manipulative. They're clingy. They engage in reckless behavior"" etc. I find it problematic that so many outlets seem to think that BPD is exactly the same for everyone or that symptoms are consistent and unchanging for people with it. The idea that BPD folks are inherently manipulative, clingy, etc. is super detrimental to people actually struggling with it, especially because so much of BPD revolves around an internal false belief of being bad/weird/unlikeable. And on top of that these symptoms being the only ones ever discussed in easily accessible articles completely excludes people with quiet or less overt manifestations of BPD symptoms. So I pose the question, my other quiet BPD people, or people that feel they don't identify with these common tropes, how do these stereotypes effect your relationship with understanding the condition? And have you found any sources for info about BPD that don't further the stigma surrounding it and give voice to the less talked about symptoms of the disorder?",10.262124274099882,10.060909851219511,9.666724738675963,60.53101626016263,57.80487804878049,13.07781649245064,41.71893147502904,12.28987398476788,5.5515516840882695,1909,91,284,54,21,613,205,410,0.136,0.816,0.047,-0.9896,1,2,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,2,4,5,17,14,0,7,24,0,18,7,0,8,3,75,37,27,0,3,7,0,4,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,28,23,0,4,25,0,0,4,5,10,0,2,4,10,21,4,63,31,16,32,1,2,0,0,15,20,0,14,8,201,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.042480333761907636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888084649462287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608762865537645,0.0,0.0,0.038752144944646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634687232154929,0.026536316683153125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849995570704826,0.0,0.0,0.8223934742448683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749841729692262,0.04564180905460815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978143368256737,0.0,0.03809459175808239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709796022172493,0.0,0.03937661278415275,0.03667705336550511,0.04159608572921685,0.039123184861407465,0.0,0.0,0.04898488921430009,0.06603229989495761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989343995321443,0.0,0.0,0.09545979191662644,0.03363222540396105,0.0,0.0,0.04175925290884008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03899555352355747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914161358214999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869267826532756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02126722658385677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029057524845924394,0.04413397262769672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03200056280894658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058995960433503684,0.03310756545780358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211254176623964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041151211471246896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04165363824314482,0.0,0.04376104629554473,0.04876509256517099,0.0,0.0,0.04954822476129574,0.02788730775768268,0.0,0.04298197228306884,0.04673639594810158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888796210651947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893107930086455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652530631554688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714745429519529,0.0,0.0699777261384304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027893141627033703,0.0,0.0,0.025383489597088187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910988010932329,0.047349625884923655,0.0,0.135953061733267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03455317212953503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436218096451506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LabiaMafia,2019/08/27,"[CW: multiple] My girlfriend is struggling, how can I best support her? (Throwaway account, CW for suicidal ideation, substance abuse. Sorry if i have tagged this with the wrong flair but obv i have never visited this subreddit before)

My [21F] girlfriend got admitted to hospital today after getting super triggered by her DBT therapist, taking an overdose, and attempting suicide. 

This all happened after a seriously fucked up argument with her family a couple of days ago, which in all honesty was literally the worst thing i have ever been witness to in all my life. She had forgiven her parents on the condition they sort their shit out, but after what i saw, i cannot forgive them and it's safe to say my relationship with her family is ruined forever. Honestly if it was up to me she wouldn't be living with her parents ever again, but as her mum is legally her carer and she is terrified of being sectioned if she tries to leave them (as well as, you know, the intense fear of abandonment) she has decided to stay as her mum has already warned her that moving in with me is 'not an option'.

So anyway, she was obviously super affected by the argument/the fallout and this morning her therapist (in a nutshell) invalidated her feelings, told her what happened to her was justified, and she should get over it, which is what drove her to her attempt today. Now she is in hospital, safe and on the road to recovery, but it looks like she is going to have to go back into a psych hospital for the time being when she is physically well enough. 

As far as what I can do for her, tomorrow i'm going to call in to make a formal complaint about her therapist until he is taken off of her team (at least). Of course I am going to be visiting her as much as I can, while trying to avoid her parents. And on top of that, i will be asking her what she needs from me specifically to make her feel better/safe/more comfortable/etc. We are good communicators, so she tells me a lot about how her BPD affects her, as well as her other diagnoses, and i honestly just want to do the maximum possible to protect and love her.

I really love her, like, more than anything, and i just want to do what's best. After that huge long winded explanation, what else can i do, even if it's just something small, to help her through this tough time? (Obviously apart from just... listening to her and supporting her and treating her like an actual human being). Thank you all so much. I just want her here with me again.",8.331733649981736,7.005414953781513,8.66911947387651,69.77050968213375,62.27731092436974,12.22784070149799,37.292290829375226,11.295486806799008,4.189136572890025,1962,79,358,47,23,653,231,476,0.12,0.687,0.193,0.9914,3,1,1,0,1,1,68.0,1,2,4,8,25,33,2,3,17,0,42,6,1,7,9,70,76,38,2,10,14,5,2,3,2,3,2,2,0,1,24,21,0,5,6,1,1,8,4,11,3,0,11,6,76,22,75,56,14,54,0,2,2,3,76,23,2,7,25,294,100,3,0.0,0.10703350292820812,0.08815499941071239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007749931090685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968812925017803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433891059328515,0.0,0.08445205610080705,0.0,0.0,0.06946288238188106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686936487213285,0.0,0.18960432075067105,0.0798949366003023,0.0,0.0,0.11377515164823485,0.0,0.09224325508981926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995517297142642,0.0,0.05825930916511215,0.0,0.0,0.09168923676754767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546421726373588,0.0,0.0,0.09334133643202602,0.10074862728365662,0.05966614000547641,0.1634283429239683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032166485277295,0.10165322391352412,0.09135328975134316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835142659038491,0.09439376426387833,0.0,0.20536034259941188,0.07576963209110434,0.07225002902990495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976782425286287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055038153166871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964635634910263,0.0,0.0,0.0956528830872335,0.0,0.0,0.06380705677811638,0.13240096164088067,0.0,0.07976842857405313,0.07994460302259775,0.07585956964706629,0.0,0.0,0.07680051911316335,0.1630637087715714,0.0,0.12060009226981153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601297462213784,0.13281485081432035,0.06698307118779084,0.06967276695320716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009226350679387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018403759778386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787161684565995,0.0,0.0,0.09698716070254104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183889005990407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927287052769088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954514079624195,0.0,0.10112386452563288,0.0,0.0962862596678889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443890252251708,0.0,0.19762605567738925,0.2050246644036248,0.0,0.0,0.06792150238352825,0.0,0.07895773039281287,0.08316934096450262,0.0,0.3146615133754775,0.06001528872189672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535140910214197,0.0,0.17125611422861756,0.08632001183180878,0.0,0.1226645599210724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984771139213766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436690000573637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876834073401726,0.0,0.0
bpd,nerdygoddess,2019/08/27,"Loved ones using my BPD for their own unjustifiable words and actions. Learning to be more self aware of when my thoughts, feelings and actions are valid or justifiable is something I work on every single day and will continue to do so for the unforeseeable future. Not just for me, but for all the other people in my life. They don't ever deserve the unjustifiable hell that reaps from me when I let my BPD take over and have control. However, since receiving my diagnosis there are loved ones who sometimes use my diagnosis as a scapegoat for their own unjustifiable words and actions when they don't like what I say or do. When I open up to them and tell them how I am feeling, they respond and completely invalidate my feelings. They will yell, curse, walk away and ultimately tell me until I acknowledge that I overreacted or was wrong that they won't continue the conversation. They never actually apologize for or acknowledge their own behavior and act like it never happened. Their reasoning for why they are invalidating and the way the behaved is because I was being irrational and it always resorts to them asking me if I have taken my medication today and this the only time they ever ask me that.  I have told them that this is hurtful and damaging on so many levels, but they never listen to me or change the behavior. This is leaving me with such a huge mind f\*\*k. In those moments where I know that my feelings are valid and they have went above and beyond to invalidate me on every level, I just shut the f\*\*k down. It leaves me feeling that I will NEVER have a valid emotion, feeling or action and if I do, it doesn't matter and I just need to either shut the f\*\*k up or not say anything at all. To be honest, I have already started to do this. 

Has anyone else experienced this or felt this way? I guess this is me questioning my f\*\*king feelings again.",8.429748190116463,7.725669124645897,8.471364494806423,69.25663440352535,61.719546742209644,11.243877872206486,36.60827824992131,10.504223727775694,3.798170412338685,1503,60,265,30,18,491,169,353,0.11800000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.055,-0.9766,1,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,18,2,17,9,1,0,13,0,34,4,0,5,8,70,59,38,0,3,18,0,8,2,0,4,2,4,0,1,22,19,0,1,15,0,0,8,10,4,0,2,7,13,55,5,33,44,8,49,1,2,0,2,35,19,1,12,22,218,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.09996618698959138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304454921310875,0.0,0.08523788054477753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162808888194913,0.10496138615803828,0.08429899026314118,0.0,0.1915342314846149,0.0,0.0962452939681705,0.0,0.0,0.06244617592769058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580379595137166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836742108611258,0.0,0.10740587971998294,0.0,0.11489462372434905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606501086512742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557506782868922,0.11523066342766786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532480741133334,0.1726194146925957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625754678980325,0.0,0.0983579965298408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284867200128099,0.0,0.09058692247147276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966361668965444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056298076970359476,0.0,0.0,0.21693730499032698,0.0,0.1047513418811175,0.07235605707872704,0.10009354264246548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491131882753248,0.0,0.0,0.10385758701947907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319703152306244,0.0,0.0,0.10343470526489046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595760041128334,0.3160306685217977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388313294660264,0.07790986525375887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101865953544644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475569823102305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053248799865028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292802370503773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686675262276596,0.0,0.0,0.08473902320790624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886294135928236,0.10131529709917836,0.0,0.0725072141042536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702176454283627,0.0,0.17907329802018065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132553021215272,0.05973330345596878,0.0,0.09710067978293492,0.09788534401230738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694969624537704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262343349486538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496245425864204,0.09243572646129183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457718504942623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200152554556808,0.0,0.0
bpd,revengeofthesweets,2019/08/27,"Boyfriend just gave me the “I don’t know if I can be with you anymore” talk. We have been together 5 months. Started out great, I love bombed the shit out of him, he said multiple times I was the best in bed, the best girlfriend etc - and then came my jealous and needy side about 2 months ago. Took him by surprise since he doesn’t know I have BPD, and I wore him down in just 60 days. He used to say I would be his future wife, and now he’s saying all I do is nag at him, I have no self confidence, and I no longer want to sleep with him. All of which are accurate. Ugh, when does this cycle end :( pretty sure I’ll be moving out of his place and back into mine tonight.",1.933776223776224,2.975585034965036,2.8478321678321703,97.79944055944055,76.27272727272727,6.318881118881119,20.69230769230769,6.574015621080383,-0.08944195804195809,512,11,128,4,11,162,97,143,0.134,0.687,0.179,0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,2,6,10,3,0,4,0,15,3,2,1,3,25,26,9,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,2,14,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,7,3,22,6,17,15,5,26,0,0,0,1,22,10,1,1,13,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117301246615533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912939836454471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113437950254428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579414516079186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478858064333495,0.0,0.0,0.19505180153807855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998389493273696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924030072257458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104741364593355,0.0,0.19019666722067347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880204449363088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744814240820948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391859318179751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722460676135309,0.18125654190462664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817752183652072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350002227795575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222215572658974,0.271239774369464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790993353895385,0.0,0.17505638711781382,0.14107206981662165,0.0,0.17066270164241504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070876419271308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607314982221036,0.0,0.0,0.13707322235006708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944297723190716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947570393252333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729140694430834,0.0,0.0,0.1005886392345534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114639621614468,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,havenmarah,2019/08/27,"Loving someone. It’s so hard to love someone more than they love you. Like my FP is loving me to his fullest capacity, and it’s just not enough. I don’t even even feel like he loves me. I want more passion, jealousy, obsession, agony. I want to spend all my time with him. He wants a healthy relationship, but all I know is toxicity. Why can’t the love I want be healthy?",1.1064473684210512,3.2889196447368434,2.709736842105261,92.55565789473684,82.8157894736842,5.905263157894738,23.97368421052632,7.1686216300943375,0.7693210526315797,287,11,66,4,8,94,52,76,0.078,0.541,0.38,0.9743,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,0,2,13,17,3,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,13,9,5,16,5,1,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,0,3,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283361485233907,0.0,0.19539021423725697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478923076871928,0.1056690395676016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325009482965165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128908793379311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445255899904372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8009832625742508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588031512193802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506523215993379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624922943220008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489715559654474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346842913465898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cats-and-tiny-hats,2019/08/27,"Have just been diagnosed with BPD.... seeking advice? Experiences? That kinda thing.... (The trigger warning is there just in case- I haven’t gone into detail about anything, but for the purposes of context have mentioned a few things I struggle with and don’t want that to affect anyone) 

I was quite unexpectedly diagnosed today- I had an appointment to discuss something  else with my psychiatrist and he told me that he thinks I have borderline personality disorder, and has diagnosed me with it, which I was surprised about, because it has never in the past been suggested to me that I had it (he is a relatively new doctor to me- I was discharged from hospital around 6 months ago and he has seen me since then).

I don’t really know what to think- I don’t know enough about it to really understand what it is like to have bpd and see if it matches up to my own experience. I’m diagnosed with other things- (ASD, anorexia. Ocd, depression) and have been in and out of hospital for the past 7 years or so, but this has never been mentioned? I’ve I am 18 in two months, and I know they tend not to diagnose younger teens with personality disorders, but I’m still confused. Like, I can relate to some of the symptoms on paper- I’ve had huge issues with impulsive behaviour and self harm stuff, and do really struggle with attachments and relationships, and mood swings and stuff. But I’m not sure whether some of these are just symptoms of some other issues I have. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble, sometimes getting other people’s experience can be helpful. 

Thanks if you read this far! 
TL;DR-",4.294180602006687,6.561676896321071,5.2334615384615395,78.02403846153851,72.67892976588628,8.613377926421405,28.89130434782609,9.265573868473778,2.7732849498327763,1268,52,226,30,26,414,157,299,0.076,0.8420000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.4469,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,1,1,10,11,0,3,10,0,34,8,0,2,3,54,51,23,0,3,13,0,0,2,0,0,8,0,0,3,25,24,0,0,6,1,0,1,8,5,0,1,13,2,23,5,39,37,7,24,0,1,2,0,16,11,0,8,14,170,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099807276620656,0.08254733561673462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511330524128632,0.0,0.07663175117770601,0.08289862556931109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676651405612846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166547666648812,0.0,0.2345686543354012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020613487891186,0.4725860738050118,0.0,0.0,0.213452538470726,0.0953146607911794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779176576603362,0.0,0.0,0.09622027025910797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732745515148682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048652579100681284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624179414820363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439105776743493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535328079034753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098974294151536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865872649499304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436433786400615,0.08993813613114594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779162084189046,0.0645593052717042,0.16262167056161356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904707111007342,0.09314754010045163,0.0,0.17896966636885595,0.0,0.0,0.09997854296052397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420644828860737,0.0,0.09714690971497893,0.0,0.0,0.07703176184245979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169012677995219,0.0921003752662303,0.10424283544930406,0.0,0.0,0.07436762091342099,0.0,0.0,0.1947033773253832,0.21320559965940047,0.0,0.0,0.08776670327245749,0.19357953406983466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573453917390672,0.0,0.0,0.18559903429402685,0.11933807055037353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826908968998022,0.08898238641863164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096699485048644,0.09694363994325296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492596877358828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996773374221909
bpd,The_Lone_Apple,2019/08/27,"I Often Feel Trapped in My Head It's as if there is an emotional flood of thoughts dammed up behind a wall that's desperate for expression. I write these long thoughtful posts for social media and then my anxiety kicks in. I delete them before posting because I don't think anyone will under what I'm trying to convey or will think I'm just fishing for sympathy. This makes me feel even more frustrated because the flood wants to get out and I get angry that I have nowhere to express myself. I want to do it anonymously but then get anxious that someone will make some sort of bullying remark and then I'll be triggered into a rage and then depression.

I don't know if if others ever feel these things but if you do, I understand.",5.802500000000002,6.359382583333336,6.055555555555558,80.14500000000002,66.91666666666666,9.177777777777775,31.277777777777786,9.150863307647796,2.627561111111112,588,22,110,10,9,188,95,144,0.19,0.769,0.040999999999999995,-0.9748,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,5,3,2,0,4,0,10,1,1,3,1,33,28,16,0,6,8,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,15,0,17,22,2,15,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,8,6,79,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092432100679814,0.20811103248292293,0.0,0.12880773132534365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22459206651306188,0.0,0.15675378648898824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866450388048306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721759531647374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167257250789645,0.16663342812553975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27943461157580257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28873492048343985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905820587664715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123999796341143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302488324180558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459304970928373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528549734573479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877844604403693,0.15608515960290475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223845646446559,0.23607565414435025,0.0,0.2924929928738603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507020363455731,0.0,0.0,0.1917747882900238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173100997516743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnonPikachu,2019/08/27,"Childhood neglect is mandatory? Throwaway for reasons.

I’ve been suspicious of myself having BPD. I won’t give my symptoms because I have an account that’s been active in this community and no one seems to think I’m neurotypical.

However, childhood trauma/neglect is supposed to cause BPD, but I don’t remember anything outstanding that’s happened to me.

Only examples I can think off:
- dad was very authoritarian, never showed any affection, had high standards
- mom sheltered me from a young age, haven’t been very socialized.
- watched my dad get physically abusive with my sibling, but never recall him touching me.
- I was the moderator in my parents marriage from 7-14, even though I told them multiple times that it affected me and not to do it anymore.
- dad was an alcoholic when I was a toddler, idk if that has anything to do with anything.
- dad used a lot of scare tactics on me and my sibling. Breaking things we liked when we misbehaved. Having us address him with “yes/no dad” whenever he asked anything.

I recall being scared to date anyone because I didn’t want to turn out like my parents, believing I’d be better off alone.

(You don’t have to read this if you don’t want) I remember being 12-13 when my mom worked three jobs. Dad was our primary care giver. We used to get off the bus at 4:15, mom would leave 20 minutes later, dad would come home during that time. Dinners were always hotdogs, frozen pizza, or banquet TV dinners. There was a lamented sheet on the stairway up to my brother’s and my room. On the sheet had a bunch of chores that had to be completed; sweep, vacuum, dust, dishes, clean bedroom, laundry, all things that had to be done daily and a few others that had to be done once every few days. We’d have to initial them and our dad would inspect right before our 8-8:30 strict bedtime. If things weren’t up to par, he’d yell at us and make us do the job over again. It was EXHAUSTING. We had four hours from the time we got home until bedtime. We’d have to eat, do the chores, and do homework, possibly shower depending on the day.

None of these seem like outright neglect or abuse to me. If they are, it feels like a stretch. My dad was just a very strict man, and shouldn’t have been raising kids, but he never hurt me or my mom. Idk how I could become who I am, with a personality disorder, if I haven’t been abused like I hear everyone else here has.",4.88331896551724,5.95688396982759,5.501637931034484,81.4446551724138,69.2155172413793,8.3,31.310344827586214,8.567472430010655,2.409055172413793,1878,78,359,29,32,607,241,464,0.12300000000000001,0.785,0.092,-0.9371,8,1,1,0,2,0,73.0,13,2,3,2,10,14,0,2,19,0,63,8,0,9,4,64,85,26,0,12,13,16,2,5,0,5,3,2,12,3,20,20,6,2,8,3,1,1,15,6,0,3,26,5,54,8,45,44,6,41,0,3,1,0,50,19,0,12,25,242,74,5,0.0,0.26822670125669235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064481915891061,0.0,0.0781547987237979,0.0,0.0,0.06278956537714248,0.0,0.0,0.05131604177884859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483699726892623,0.052764059136011385,0.0,0.2483917679099967,0.0,0.07054581292320047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920006039780515,0.08334070378468743,0.0642117206397169,0.08501866316562795,0.0,0.06673908855680337,0.0,0.0,0.1900808798285359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693747989681786,0.07751919458044429,0.0,0.06500293693223985,0.07911938287842107,0.0,0.0,0.06024943778651725,0.0,0.0,0.09733215543008253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648480000259498,0.0,0.0,0.15444552708095582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721540290389266,0.06303795075313025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984125366529239,0.0,0.0635791150303824,0.07210618293231869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038155329699874514,0.05390932628039873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885047614385565,0.07238903076033437,0.0,0.0,0.06035302474525271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672987942078966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850499884304461,0.0,0.0,0.07972864937304316,0.15138699505251196,0.0,0.07431384704753125,0.0,0.08078252046649273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976672179559514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990226298080925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433207159219872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415421132310511,0.0,0.0,0.050370778052054636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535158663515048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460043758280006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036346167576729,0.051134300748616905,0.057391461948721335,0.0,0.0,0.16758093604035978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588960129203564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507089635787264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548138273770005,0.0,0.0,0.07758643686920481,0.0,0.0,0.17096511926196106,0.06444324917628222,0.0,0.0,0.15109917432577144,0.0,0.0,0.13739365125057032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769229476643234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843283293124767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503987301026646,0.09670467484892514,0.07414001195971051,0.0,0.13200568122658612,0.0,0.0,0.07210618293231869,0.0,0.0,0.0820798574188206,0.0,0.0,0.2723107378147868,0.13034808526272473,0.0,0.1867895895097964,0.08901766094450142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493647902054862,0.0,0.0,0.1608159068222961,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Limguylin,2019/08/27,"DAE Feel like they have periods of being in La La Land? Feeling all sorts of feelings right now. I suppose when I was busy obsessing with my FP, I romanticized everything from them texting me first and being online at the same time. Since then, I've put a password on all of my apps and it's worked very successfully! Notifications show as hidden until I type in the password, so as I result I hardly check my apps unless somebody reaches out first.

Now, I guess my mind is so understimulated that I've come back to the ground of reality where people actually maintain healthy boundaries with each other. I've been keeping myself relatively bust but in the back of my mind I've been wondering how long I've been in la la land. How many delusions have I believed. 

The validation of others was such a drug to me that when it came to me I would literally whisper shout ""Yesss!!! Thank God..."" when my FP wanted to hang out. Now it seems that even if I'm asked out I feel like it's going to be... normal. I've overcome my obsession with my FP for the most part and now I only have a healthy amount of love for him and my friends.

Feels like I've wasted most of my time in a bubble until recently...",5.131139240506329,5.622701860759497,6.15596624472574,79.06888607594938,68.36708860759494,8.851645569620256,29.7240506329114,8.841846274778883,2.203468860759494,939,33,188,15,15,313,132,237,0.038,0.82,0.142,0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,4,16,10,0,2,10,0,13,2,0,3,2,39,30,19,0,4,3,0,6,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,9,13,0,1,7,1,1,5,0,2,0,2,6,8,28,8,34,20,8,39,0,0,0,1,6,15,0,7,22,126,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.138810055106445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329793504573614,0.0,0.0,0.2187543893309748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602607743258463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626897457982825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225309904711199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495839157963085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395111153664874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784013131792613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596153159011321,0.3048583705527235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419860971710649,0.0,0.0,0.1098977020247067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084079366869916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669828820036888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742307920295068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643339462276568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084803460311025,0.0,0.0,0.125881853839377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838116131671476,0.0,0.0,0.1442135367121421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872526715304905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936935052204674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818330692493068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403686764800215,0.0,0.09861438492925227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299495107185972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044922468444726,0.0,0.0,0.12147597513906598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949399647684431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766607125247792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095956984427626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588775453196708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736656061242065,0.08389945654549552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542580281869946,0.10355564694562444,0.0,0.0,0.10104636947398248,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whybotherlol,2019/08/27,"It’s getting really hard now Ever since losing my FP I’ve just lost all my motivation... no one can tell cause I paper over the cracks so well but the cracks are just getting bigger and it’s getting so hard to keep up the act... I used to never cry and now I cry so much everyday but it’s okay cause everyone just thinks I’m stoned ha.

Sorry for the rant.",-1.0966228070175426,0.95802977631579,1.474736842105262,95.76982456140352,99.92105263157896,4.63859649122807,14.228070175438594,6.42735559955562,-0.4843561403508772,277,6,63,4,12,94,50,76,0.157,0.675,0.16899999999999998,0.6119,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,4,3,16,10,7,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,1,2,5,3,5,9,2,9,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,38,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002477070264112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279799605435048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621708040965456,0.0,0.1861496016392312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30534104274427515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34902355002181634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731563564017414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794290870967872,0.21265846832415652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432079945669627,0.0,0.15024972237855094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200850922021742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248004743445606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611491032964648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180741950585492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702727994013523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248265819082092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682535613406966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515786637011468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TrippyHippie100,2019/08/27,"New meds and therapy? I just got prescribed Zoloft, and I have very high anxiety when it comes to putting medications in my body, I tend to over exaggerate what I'm feeling and I will end up not taking it again if I feel the slightest change in my behavior. I was just wondering if anyone here takes Zoloft or used to and how is the first couple weeks on it? What do I have to look out for?
Also, I'm about to start DBT for the first time and I'm wondering what I should expect with that too?
Thanks in advance.",1.8077142857142867,3.836790771428575,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,79.38095238095238,6.866666666666667,21.92857142857143,7.908726449838941,0.8811714285714287,401,12,89,7,10,130,69,105,0.036000000000000004,0.91,0.054000000000000006,0.4179,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,3,0,7,4,1,2,0,22,23,11,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,3,10,1,16,19,0,20,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,5,9,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743842902185636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104044716956804,0.0,0.0,0.1289138730293948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047904601943998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503611195661333,0.1588160671380443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399886343842005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329466683240218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644324977519694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31364538968491623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745533790138898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479412976146127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548220620192715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047904601943998,0.18573061527161766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806304592812167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534001612581816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304960936226579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772424653445521,0.0,0.0,0.16974059996405652,0.21084002644416308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750603035130883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592341149291444,0.0,0.15212229574180136,0.0,0.0,0.14788829291354172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998768518385936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vegandyke,2019/08/27,"DAE have a crippling fear of rejection and can’t handle being told no? (sorry i just need to vent i hope this all makes sense) 
honestly i don’t even know where to start but i’m so scared of rejection or not getting what i want. i am aware i sometimes manipulate people so i can get what i want because i’m miserable when things don’t work out the way i want them to, really. it’s selfish and i know it but i can’t help it.
just earlier i asked the person i’m seeing to come over but he’s tired, we just saw each other yesterday and it’s a 30 min drive. and i’m so irritated and upset by it and i nearly begged him to come over which isn’t like me at all. i know i’m not clingy, if i am then it’s something internalised. i cant express my emotions. he just was like love u bby n went to sleep without a worry in his mind. meanwhile i’m going crazy because i was told no and i’m coming up with the worst scenarios in my head. i already have issues even asking him to hang out, i never do, i never text first but other than that i put in an insane amount of effort and it seems like i never get it back. i devalue him on the daily then go back to normal and i’m aware of my emotions but i can’t control them i just keep splitting and now i’m so hurt i just ended up crying over something so dumb and idk if i’m being irrational yet being told ‘i could hang out with u every day’ ‘i’d never get tired of u’ ‘i can only sleep well when i’m with u’... it all just seems like lies to me and it’s triggering and i don’t know if i can take this any longer. i need more more more im so selfish and greedy and it fucking sucks. i know i’ll just keep my safe distance but i’ll end up being hurt anyways, in any way. i’m over it, i’m so done with myself. how can anyone even like my personality when the most part of it is legit a disorder.",-0.6606540194948138,1.3100988522167472,2.1656356776019265,94.92180746253014,88.80295566502463,5.031673828739127,17.25898752751284,6.462258747201003,-0.2642726548579808,1418,35,337,16,47,495,180,406,0.24,0.6709999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9971,0,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,2,4,29,24,3,4,10,0,26,7,3,5,7,80,77,38,0,11,21,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,22,27,0,4,7,0,0,10,17,14,1,1,8,2,45,10,39,64,11,50,0,5,2,2,19,18,3,8,25,217,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964725710974122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890018706196682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112763459482475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345591090512315,0.0,0.0,0.1344445504118081,0.0,0.10658352284794728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259194520729645,0.0,0.0,0.09805143045917293,0.06979951273392981,0.0,0.09602918117870254,0.05638008645354695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019341459188492,0.0,0.0,0.0894632624820783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966764155814524,0.15486024104075574,0.0,0.0,0.1732246149190184,0.0,0.07365697361193076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983742793153188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436127828010917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808204147841693,0.18269796419282494,0.0,0.09936810130266993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972039804653398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859725757948168,0.0,0.0,0.08682996978570505,0.0,0.0,0.18717454546079493,0.0,0.09443097724197527,0.09124606333280408,0.0,0.15540973554023724,0.0,0.0,0.2402247729314126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355035417858426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890194828711285,0.0,0.058354997046115624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827150028079275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964490649172522,0.2697015588116157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565519407143211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664885221552237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946697228847168,0.0,0.060607545688560964,0.15266738523645407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788345672427843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600489960699264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752487267854735,0.0,0.06966417445338917,0.15917177424967388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497066963994642,0.0,0.0,0.13460376055623516,0.08646279073774664,0.0978619950386598,0.0618778828031874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657306142368629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807942481922504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009579161221368,0.0,0.25060697420677386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546916349822974,0.13878334567341888,0.0,0.0,0.07860305638222008,0.08104125483114623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427188070060176,0.0,0.06364440246793727,0.08878148722059723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Intelligent_Lobster,2019/08/27,"How can I learn to be more communicative? I'm really stressing out, here. My roommate asked me why I was being reclusive, and when I started crying I couldn't find the words to answer her. 

She's done so much for me, and I don't want to hurt her with my inability to communicate. How do I improve, when I feel like I don't have a voice? 

I've been gaslit so often I can never tell when I'm communicating effectively, and when I'm overreacting. I need to fix my brain, before I give up completely.",2.8614705882352967,4.245117058823531,5.115833333333335,81.09375000000003,74.49019607843138,8.237254901960785,24.514705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.6394470588235288,388,12,83,8,8,136,66,102,0.10300000000000001,0.777,0.12,0.3861,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,2,0,12,1,1,3,1,18,21,11,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,2,19,1,9,15,2,8,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,7,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341675520183305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131423653655625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27962158080254645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26262639039981656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751435314198443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25633081183783624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665160102412734,0.17894492164660866,0.0,0.0,0.2289366892226948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402858713185567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681469569867008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223732158567762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413363701734647,0.18572978007772453,0.1931877331713685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046565914173716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729297472160602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28692713581139073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893295785407926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774121160432693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22602171545732716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wseaz,2019/08/27,"Don’t know whether I’m overreacting or it’s valid. So something I struggle with a lot since becoming self aware is knowing when my feelings and actions are actually justified. I literally can’t trust how I feel anymore and I no longer know when my boyfriend is in the wrong or I’m “overreacting” (I really hate that word but don’t know what else to use). An example of this would be yesterday. We were on a double date with his friend (J) and his friends girlfriend (E). They came over to my house for a few drinks and to socialise.  J asked me if I would like to join him and my boyfriend fishing today and without even letting me reply my boyfriend turned to J and said that he didn’t want me to come because I would ruin his fishing day because all I do is moan. I felt completely humiliated and really hurt. He said it with such malice, it literally felt like he had stabbed me in the chest. Especially because

 1) a couple of weeks ago I told him when he says negative things to me like “you’re difficult” (because I asked him not to smoke weed around me) and “all you ever do is moan” that it makes me feel like he hates me. To this he apologised and said he doesn’t. 

2) He said it in front of our friends in my house which was completely humiliating

I shed a tear to which his friends said he didn’t mean that while he said nothing. I’m really upset by this but when we disagree on something he gets defensive and I always feel like I have to say sorry.

Basically I feel like because I have bpd every disagreement has to be my fault and I can’t tell what is a valid reaction anymore. I don’t know if it is all my fault or I’m letting him treat me badly because he knows that I will take the blame for it all.",4.292009937888198,4.867116017142859,5.313925465838512,84.06820496894412,70.25714285714287,8.829813664596275,30.07453416149068,8.964715089967882,2.2044049689440994,1346,52,291,24,23,444,165,350,0.171,0.691,0.13699999999999998,-0.9359999999999999,0,0,4,0,0,0,26.0,3,1,1,0,10,24,3,2,10,0,31,2,1,3,5,59,68,27,0,6,10,0,7,6,5,4,0,8,0,1,20,20,1,1,14,1,0,4,12,12,0,0,15,15,49,12,30,45,7,24,0,2,0,0,43,8,0,6,18,180,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0772716664083574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019138851943485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588700908935598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705749481339212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049009627735392,0.1480517531653106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611490881308442,0.2896171327569705,0.08745194643079914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972883696320847,0.0,0.0,0.09056482079590833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820956747772651,0.1660447708960397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761502845293148,0.0,0.051066802031432566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756967726436173,0.0,0.0,0.06614764745222837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052299950056119725,0.07162600238504989,0.06671550766021013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018776524754892,0.16970610877634973,0.1520571410258868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447078797969273,0.0,0.04137010669834562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563546110402507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273423813134412,0.08476756652586206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611030601900581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194097203103885,0.0,0.2321103285905445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731897376860384,0.0,0.0,0.05285559617142699,0.0,0.0,0.08625403686305677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597869672741113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218091888047944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519298057230114,0.12593978299501893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826056520458326,0.0,0.0,0.06550140332723871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191864229713635,0.0,0.0886394371026346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277977903093893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953613191785322,0.0,0.06920986267436871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526059939937578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505669228929296,0.07566322050048653,0.0,0.0,0.08612890182188722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838911391487114,0.0,0.0,0.04670447550110508,0.0,0.06351622147829637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633006118392348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874904374431027,0.08657471871049137,0.0,0.0
bpd,Randizer666,2019/08/27,"I need your advice Hey , when I was out of my town I decided to talk with therapist and take courses ,  after maybe 3 weeks he diagnosed me with bpd , so when I came back to my town my mental health get worse bc here in my town we don't have psychiatric clinics or something like that , (btw , I'm from one of arabic gulf countries 👀) anyways , I'm depressed , my first day at the college will be in 2-September and I'm scared",3.700387596899226,4.560445395348836,4.54418604651163,88.01224806201557,71.79069767441861,7.593798449612403,28.286821705426355,7.793537801064563,1.569672868217054,328,12,70,4,6,106,66,86,0.11,0.861,0.028999999999999998,-0.7783,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,10,12,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,12,1,12,8,0,15,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,8,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23120188287131255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193008828000745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798825896164977,0.0,0.0,0.27060631702846943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258683337197376,0.0,0.20378244107958055,0.2401430860260067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125105674683055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236132541347656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514937583750793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559035950191827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23769557713329864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384362241385985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543522002823642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032565997218431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368769543180531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214553111902146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778930631875026,0.19016937844654952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27470976797844343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978551069559327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24111467594321026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Red7336,2019/08/27,I made a sub for those looking for a buddy to check in on them every once in a while :) Join us in [My Buddy](https://www.reddit.com/r/MyBuddy/),11.782222222222225,7.711636111111115,10.673333333333336,66.63000000000001,58.25925925925925,13.762962962962966,38.111111111111114,11.20814326018867,3.8494,113,3,22,2,1,36,22,27,0.0,0.794,0.20600000000000002,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,7,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38095413893111824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796903917367692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278333116236565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815227976920729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5438782981715333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nobody961404,2019/08/27,"My FP argued with me and told me to go, that he's tired of this. I'm freaking out because I didn't think the argument was that bad (admittedly it was the worst we've had since we began dating). I can't tell if he just wanted the conversation to end or he's breaking up with me. I can't calm down until he specifies. Does anyone else know how to calm down when an panic is about to begin?",2.5596428571428547,3.295281392857145,4.620000000000001,86.875,74.35714285714286,7.504761904761906,22.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.7819904761904768,303,7,69,4,6,105,61,84,0.255,0.721,0.023,-0.9634,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,4,0,7,1,0,1,0,13,16,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,8,2,13,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,6,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802450392533356,0.3048320934937547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484067446278937,0.18135810925796755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603512468098513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485297501484229,0.0,0.2635037739787512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908064671980838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350261072874506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34906152443996924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24610168358665194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26003509634548705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906311070652499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419416691670542,0.0,0.2842816337495833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754779205940113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shatteredmental,2019/08/27,"I stopped taking my medication A little pre information. When I was 16 I was hospitalized after a suicide attempt and then was diagnosed with bpd, I was put on a cocktail of medications including kolonopin and adderall for quite a while. 

Fast forward 4 years, I have been diagnosed a second time and now I’ve been in therapy for just a short time. I have been put on lexapro and risperadone and it just doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I stopped taking it about 2 weeks ago out of the blue and I didn’t notice any change. 

But the past few weeks I’ve been crying uncontrollably, literally multiple times a day, I’ve been irrational, outbursts, angry. But no matter how shitty I feel, I can’t seem to come to terms with taking my medication. Even though I don’t feel very different while on it, I do notice how shut off I am and how hard it is to be intimate with my boyfriend. 
Just a rant.",4.863152380952382,5.891352834285716,5.808357142857144,79.39405952380953,69.22857142857143,9.261904761904765,30.583333333333336,9.516144504307137,2.6997904761904765,706,28,139,15,12,233,100,175,0.179,0.8140000000000001,0.006999999999999999,-0.9779,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,11,1,0,1,10,0,21,5,0,3,0,28,29,17,1,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,12,1,2,5,1,0,4,5,1,0,1,10,4,16,0,19,17,2,32,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,2,20,95,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713014161469075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985666610567818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873625175864296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642002734188205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978183065861235,0.11382302682231135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514463404635813,0.08521646144804365,0.0,0.0,0.26822948717288425,0.0,0.13805346618953365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727424668082175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336233505993773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836744733829133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243447685200374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39933782238941135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008742682886621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261382791553982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656653323167841,0.0,0.14054236128841596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24058237965172025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209423769442448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144534782475984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980483379723233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511084515416891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982245061778366,0.0,0.2311478050693895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902561976579024,0.0,0.0,0.2119822437911452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509092501968321
bpd,bluemushroomdevil,2019/08/27,"Scared of living alone Alright, so to be honest since I was 12 I wanted nothing else than to move out of my parent's house to my own place. However, recently (I am 20 now) I am starting to be really lonely, even though I still live in their house, but we don't even see each other most days.
But moving out would mean leaving behind my cat, that's been my only support for past three years.
Also, I know once I move out I'll be on my own because I don't have friends nor have ever been in serious relationship and I definetly don't want to be.
My biggest fear in life is ending up all alone and even though I don't talk to my family, atleast I am in a house that's not empty.
I don't want to stay here but I am very anti-social and I know moving out would completely isolate me from any human contact.
I just feel so fucking torn and like I am the biggest disappointment in the world.
Has anyone gone through something similar alone?",2.891571675302245,4.230914046632127,4.4072746113989645,86.38155094991366,74.33678756476685,7.219205526770295,24.78376511226252,7.793537801064563,1.2322652158894651,733,23,153,10,15,245,116,193,0.16699999999999998,0.7659999999999999,0.066,-0.9491,2,5,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,0,13,11,1,2,3,1,23,2,0,0,2,27,35,13,0,5,5,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,4,0,0,5,7,6,0,1,4,2,26,5,25,25,5,30,0,2,1,1,8,15,1,1,10,108,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33449089605005417,0.0,0.08609077850192402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732083381384764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527410433241638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562481332830862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287305751353673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942785432653162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899310128824852,0.0,0.0953493949038878,0.0,0.0,0.21331314098420534,0.0973791085746896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148650838389923,0.12114055801260322,0.0544330424098454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317312987720525,0.09952428840045106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726544122826718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832752725165074,0.0,0.0,0.11398992758517075,0.0,0.0,0.07603912759145175,0.05259425380096146,0.0,0.19012071781352866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172666481585748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457676200493953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329681277209292,0.0,0.0,0.11464788148884515,0.0,0.08187563590174016,0.0,0.0,0.11953690703656135,0.0,0.10276782116257913,0.0,0.0,0.1124754041297938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896583982165383,0.0,0.10629523084300807,0.11557999161500992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778032621998797,0.0,0.0857862138915488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905241188958292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828772255200552,0.0,0.0,0.07619797881710452,0.11474472501764553,0.08597253717725503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216436083389914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652812049626794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153880451373167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882573529028984,0.19049116407320246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294847220718388,0.0,0.0,0.06932557684735942
bpd,landmine41,2019/08/27,DAE feel like they’re gonna get replaced when their FP starts talking to someone?? I’m trying really hard to keep the intrusive thoughts separate than ‘gut feelings’ and my SO/FP has been talking to someone pretty consistently and I’m like DOPE THIS IS IT THIS IS WHEN YOU LEAVE ME even tho their the most supportive person I’ve ever met and willing to reassure me throughout whatever. I can’t grasp their words and I just want to argue that they feel this way ‘for now’ but it will fade cause they’ll realize how shit of a person I am. Even if I am ‘recovering’ from past trauma quite well I still think I’m less than dirt and don’t deserve this happiness.,2.1245256270447115,4.601484969465652,3.2821864776444936,88.19704198473282,80.98473282442748,6.79629225736096,23.860959651035987,7.957251820313856,1.4267661941112326,525,19,105,10,14,169,91,131,0.11599999999999999,0.741,0.14300000000000002,0.40700000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,5,1,11,9,2,0,3,0,11,2,2,2,1,22,26,11,0,2,3,0,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,4,14,6,10,19,2,9,0,0,0,0,13,0,1,2,10,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867275481997672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401143393321712,0.16442109622701592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757246590669037,0.12985630689175867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496716370967492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934972210133247,0.16282994409572474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156525730686402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924678622213572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776069835053642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735197421678292,0.0,0.31742857411539194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492512786135995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193334445798012,0.0,0.0,0.11644632151254272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658398048414854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080257465188029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865752614465434,0.0,0.1451615137476854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062700965554249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29219919209976297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647068143398134,0.0,0.14430483447417547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234096916702524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721247598487144,0.14428032372417188,0.0,0.0,0.16343278605234202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,warm_guns,2019/08/27,"piece of shit it was my first day of college yesterday, my girlfriend with bpd too has been scared i was going to get drunk and i always told her i wasnt but a guy i thought was cool was having a party i didnt know about and it slowly crept in on me. my phone was broke and no one would let me use there phones to text her, i knew i was in a position where id be a selfish piece of shit and want to drink again so i tried everything trying to get in contact and stressing the fuck out about it  but still gave into drinking in a room by myself and puking until i was catatonic. now shes pissed and hurt and wants to move on from me and i only have myself to blame. my cat just died, my family are scared of me because im always screaming and i'm a piece of shit.",1.2872198460222428,2.632786263473058,3.0525620188195037,94.42330838323356,78.5808383233533,5.969033361847734,19.71300256629598,6.5431188927421005,-0.052459024807527836,594,13,141,5,14,198,100,167,0.324,0.635,0.04,-0.9957,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,10,13,5,3,7,1,18,8,4,1,0,23,31,14,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,3,13,3,0,3,3,0,2,3,12,0,2,14,2,24,1,25,14,3,19,0,2,0,1,10,10,5,0,7,102,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25369898306562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293128376690124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920037414778507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831676929072164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582176330634697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298683283862647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701101918672076,0.0,0.14371502227295124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296727461894252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409363229845794,0.1592962579990906,0.0,0.08664008256426715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094813421059836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631994358356198,0.0,0.16467070533930675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837817926997089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558890761956355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620287917951055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033031525363782,0.11594407005037352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30525539266161106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694590540457337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217456910484422,0.0,0.17462941670701732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102720163986776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567122078959466,0.0,0.20700525651151971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316666888720904,0.0,0.0,0.17983633045437036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829514898039673,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bolognabolgna,2019/08/27,I went rouge with counseling and I don’t know how to go back It’s been almost a month and I’ve completely abandoned everything I learned. Now I feel like I can’t go back because I feel like it’s going to be annoying to her that I’ve not made progress with my DBT. I don’t think there is ever enough time in a session to work through my stuff but can’t afford to pay for an extra session in a week. I feel like I’ll never get better because i don’t know how to apply what she wants because I have 4 kids and there dad is never home. I almost feel more lost than before.,2.4327644444444445,3.1893366320000034,3.986666666666668,91.21777777777778,74.68,6.835555555555558,24.288888888888888,6.937597516519254,0.6946622222222225,449,13,104,4,9,150,74,125,0.12,0.8190000000000001,0.061,-0.6824,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,4,8,7,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,3,3,25,25,6,0,1,2,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,8,0,1,4,8,3,0,0,4,4,15,4,13,20,3,15,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,12,65,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135715747104075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079078131844736,0.0,0.28633733755238633,0.0,0.13323255379222318,0.0,0.0,0.13847657588992238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641643819903595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617823257406192,0.0,0.0,0.14162973458939776,0.0,0.0,0.14071820546339833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166731535023979,0.3355685134426917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818032144265631,0.0,0.26695305995123897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570560308992971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209745010570862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294817743492989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091851911812747,0.0,0.0,0.14815367316124478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249755090545593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415183392340325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923924803441385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032600485867993,0.0,0.0,0.0912992926612312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235113295586078,0.0,0.12559385265887968,0.0,0.0,0.1451452439689605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398740484355373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,calkitty,2019/08/27,"DAE feel like they're genuinely a toxic horrible person (alternatively: how do I deal with this guilt) Obligatory not formally diagnosed etc and sorry for oversharing

Things people (my parents and people I thought were my best friend at the time but def didn't reciprocate) have said about me: clingy, cruel, manipulative. Like 50% of the time I'm like wtf I'm great but 50% of the time (like rn) I know it's true.  I feel like my few current friends are only friends with me because they know about like 1/10 of the things I've done and none of the really bad stuff. Most of my childhood up to like age 16 is kind of a blur but for unknown reasons (probably because I had really low self esteem and anxiety) I basically bullied my younger sister, always calling them fat, forcing them to do things for me etc. I had my own issues with self harm but at the beginning of high school my mom found out they were doing the same thing + developed body dysmorphia and what seems to me like some sort of disordered eating and couple years ago had to be taken for a 5150. Now we don't talk, they consider themselves nonbinary and my parents don't really understand that so my parents don't use the right pronouns and I've had a difficult time trying to switch between the two especially since I've known my sister for 20 years and everyone I know refers to them with female pronouns and I feel so guilty and horrible because I very obviously completely fucked up someone's life and I can't even make myself do this small thing to help. I literally had to go back through this post and switch all the pronouns after writing it.

I have a big stressful thing coming up soon and I'm feeling not great rn especially because the friend I always talk to to distract myself is now busy + has a guy staying with her which I'm irrationally jealous about (jealous bc she's not constantly replying to me, not because of the guy). Idk all I want is a hug and someone to tell me they love me and are proud of me but I can never believe people who do that because they obviously don't actually know all the negative shit (and also because I literally have to ask my parents to tell me they're proud of me or else the only time I hear anything positive is when they're talking to houseguests about me).",5.516368849283223,6.3321792606741605,6.278078264238669,77.38269662921351,67.62921348314606,9.553661371561411,32.42347927160016,9.668497473035632,3.0302956218519963,1821,76,344,38,29,599,213,445,0.151,0.688,0.161,0.2291,5,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,8,3,14,33,5,3,21,0,31,9,3,5,7,68,59,28,0,1,10,7,4,8,4,0,3,2,0,5,17,25,2,0,15,0,0,2,13,12,0,1,13,6,53,21,49,45,12,35,0,1,0,3,41,11,2,6,28,223,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.06986151389077871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346021629906484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572504978501904,0.11913723139844355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476615473347359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058912470872378615,0.0,0.06692698689615563,0.0,0.0,0.05504829170046609,0.059774660430169074,0.3054842004943956,0.0,0.0,0.08065741565426571,0.07512928918620716,0.0,0.0,0.07952035218281499,0.0,0.0,0.07310139515473653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061668446758303776,0.07506075388061141,0.07736335815267574,0.0,0.0,0.07921297432565051,0.0,0.0,0.07380614741534101,0.0,0.07266234394974702,0.0,0.0,0.08204834329135291,0.0,0.0,0.0732614264319972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325444337789555,0.059804259518678876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968354991784545,0.0472845204091194,0.0,0.0,0.0684073137763221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144792221963449,0.10228782188608848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849474084140015,0.22124102841616786,0.06618380224061296,0.0,0.0,0.04068624730028783,0.0,0.0,0.15785645744111726,0.0,0.14177071249796747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068713401034001,0.0,0.047985268546806736,0.07563876650832371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472136126719857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454996936497006,0.15737596900433606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505661347992976,0.27980206628955223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461277086709795,0.0,0.04778688150222373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384534380746096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521462207302777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088948432977822,0.0,0.0,0.3179688955495795,0.0,0.0,0.1488944777944768,0.06250962742559503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856343155241679,0.0,0.07718612929390402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375871632183438,0.07360644421686112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061137469602371174,0.06809848479545738,0.0,0.0,0.07245290291248296,0.0,0.06517284808151819,0.14936796826301146,0.0,0.07348610714175194,0.059219988530187326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131595087833336,0.0,0.0,0.08013914484115174,0.0,0.07630541560030835,0.0,0.0,0.08200610414673165,0.0,0.08195342326599855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262399281272245,0.1251456324767794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853672931584903,0.0,0.0,0.05683446402915038,0.2087235261641903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486049113159594,0.0,0.06993302843947255,0.07452771568765575,0.0,0.061830775157517164,0.0,0.05906924824898255,0.04222563736025616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220322681073814
bpd,crackingon,2019/08/27,"Help. I don't want to obsess over my FP Please help me.
He still likes me.

I don't want to ruin this.",-4.115000000000002,-3.345292499999996,-0.9346666666666668,110.31300000000005,119.83333333333331,1.92,4.8,3.1291,-3.0699400000000003,76,0,22,0,5,26,17,24,0.08199999999999999,0.40299999999999997,0.515,0.9164,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5839526769244509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281422737506206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781626436201658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478741070097064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138613311564676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pieceofmind789,2019/08/27,"Abandonment Feeling like shit this morning. I work almost everyday, but yesterday and today I had days off. Soooooo, naturally I was wicked impulsive and drank a bunch, hiked a bunch, got some piercings, texted every ex-gf/wife/one night stand. Then drove drunk and high to some random gals house and hooked up with her, then left to go camping. My job has been crazy and I work seasonal jobs. The house I rent a room in has been uninhabitable for a week and I have been staying with a gal I’ve been sleeping with. Been off meds a couple days. Smoked a pack of ciggs. I have a mountain of paperwork I need to get through for job apps and I’ve literally procrastinated till the last day I can apply. Fuckkkkk dude. Like, why the fuck do I literally NEED affirmation so bad that I’m slipping into a BPD nightmare. Nothing has happened that’s overtly bad and I’m healthy and I’m not self-harming. However, I feel wildly dis-regulated and have intense abandonment feelings. I’m fucking tired and all I want right now is to run away. I wish I deployed and I wish I didn’t own a goddamn phone. I just have been feeling like I want to disappear into the world lately. Fully aware that this is a stream of consciousness post, but I ain’t apologizing. Honestly, if I had a chance to be with someone who also had BPD, I think life would be good hahaha. I always run away, though. Im scared of myself, I think. There’s just no stability in my life right now and I don’t do well with that. Anyone else have similar days? Thoughts, concerns, feelings?",2.6141000000000005,5.0146655433333365,3.807333333333337,85.57700000000003,78.56666666666666,6.933333333333334,26.0,8.021203637495839,1.6860999999999997,1213,48,239,22,30,394,172,300,0.17800000000000002,0.682,0.139,-0.9597,5,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,2,9,14,3,1,16,0,29,9,2,0,1,49,55,22,0,8,6,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,7,20,2,2,9,1,1,5,5,8,1,0,15,5,28,6,28,37,6,40,0,2,0,2,4,15,3,5,20,143,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020794091159546,0.0,0.0,0.08152235893170638,0.08482326359509004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127967313610503,0.10445082947261068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915542687798389,0.0,0.17023332566855234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567828026398786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279602392142772,0.0,0.26297462091781376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515881072133669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588987678083064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25772272584229444,0.1456536596757721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884860353823588,0.05326008137160489,0.0,0.057935546074682785,0.08550346099955349,0.08153170826997276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014628653312412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770649870292068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23525296812064575,0.0,0.0,0.11011401367558953,0.0,0.3034828011072249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830957023825131,0.1149941394088027,0.0,0.11075943669724178,0.0,0.14400820065126044,0.14940999642643793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323371737284525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511762498212789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566493177960228,0.0,0.09781535251327332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763151215264083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411449431034826,0.0,0.0,0.102060947673808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634692779004758,0.0,0.10464120012685284,0.0,0.0,0.1020148433929153,0.0,0.08637446714895126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865577964542847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063963855010136,0.10015673368064094,0.0809299438478183,0.0,0.11716643928923964,0.09662835940839168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202551486630059,0.0,0.08177109981894788,0.0,0.0916574018209733,0.0,0.09198609750873483,0.0,0.2344547502149607,0.0,0.0,0.14842884842271858,0.0,0.0,0.07241611974185773,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,an_odd_kibis,2019/08/27,"The correlation between working memory and BPD ""dae have issues remembering dates/time and measurements"" I've done some research after my last post about having trouble with memory. A larger amount of people than I expected also had the same or similar issues.

I'm not a healthcare professional by any means, all I've done is go through some articles/studies on the correlation between working memory and its link to BPD- which is correlative, not causative, as I dont know all the factors at play.

So far, I've found that- counting comorbidities of any axis (additional disorders of every kind)- people with bpd may have impairments (60% to 67% reported) with visual memory, verbal memory, and visuospatial organization (organizing relevant and irrelevant information properly in the brain i.e. permanence issues), but do NOT seem to have an impairment with spatial working memory (storing information for later use). 

This can be confusing, as two of the impairments do involve verbal and visual memory- there are multiple parts of the brain associated with memory, some may have different issues than others but this MAY mean that some people with BPD have issues remembering what they were told, and what they've seen, but NOT having baseline memory issues, so on so forth. Seeing as the article I've taken these studies from vary from 2006-2014 and are not at the height of technology or knowledge, I wouldnt take any of this and run with it. A lot of the studies also involved different comorbidities such as MDD, ADHD, ADD, and epilepsy (possibly more) that could also have an effect on the neuropsychological (NP) impairments that were found in this article. 

Investigators researched a list of medical databases for terms related to the article from 1985 and onward. These searches produced 29 NP studies involving BPD. A reported 83% found NP impairments in one or multiple cognitive domains, which involved ""specific or generalized deficits linked to the dorsolateral (executive and logical) prefrontal (planning and personality development) and orbitofrontal (appropriate social/emotional responses) regions."" 

71% to 86% of BPD studies frequently reported response-inhibitory processes affecting executive function (mental control and self regulation) performance that requires speeded attention, and visuomotor skills (visual & motor working together to produce actions). Decision making and visual memory impairment were also reported to be the most frequently affected. 

TL;DR 
BPD can have different neuropsychological affects on the brain, possibly affecting certain parts of memory (visual & verbal), logical thoughts, personality development, social/emotional responses, self regulation, and visuospatial organization (thought to be organizing relevant/irrelevant thoughts). 

BPD does not seem to have an effect on spatial working memory (storing information) or planning skills.

 I am not a doctor or psychologist, I'm just a gal that looked into some articles. I hope this was helpful and if anyone sees anything that seems wrong please let me know, the last thing I want it to spread information that could be outdated or incorrect.",14.239657049537294,13.214635067864275,13.429088187261838,39.343436309199795,50.61676646706586,17.572164761386322,52.51324623480311,15.668782140382113,8.906292614770459,2583,149,303,106,22,855,247,501,0.022000000000000002,0.929,0.05,0.9329,3,0,0,0,0,0,97.0,0,0,1,16,11,7,0,1,26,0,38,5,3,11,3,108,65,41,0,7,19,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,24,29,0,2,28,1,2,3,9,3,0,2,16,4,9,4,57,38,15,25,0,0,4,0,15,13,0,23,8,216,33,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698028177552792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857913954236895,0.0,0.1258628174719954,0.0,0.11849247564092645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406120177054604,0.0,0.047796222662892886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5852141160836047,0.19451488298562614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651434732629223,0.0927468915089628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820487860118268,0.0665665660768209,0.059448997056701376,0.050827615235537305,0.11887532125177372,0.06807122361769294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306680051466718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893626812629224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105048840587646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033009121947961614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893088417510614,0.0,0.0,0.05768815190830558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637327141010427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060483067209978085,0.06384027647231555,0.094688541288973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939238945992267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487739308126197,0.0,0.0,0.04937891452622509,0.0,0.0,0.03876993096408119,0.0,0.0,0.12653581822095805,0.0,0.05851111954519485,0.05853260990793774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03935760745787362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579346436188307,0.0,0.12079944209701485,0.10142925688791722,0.0,0.06375617487938184,0.0,0.1309565945333931,0.05562613471280831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159030150779588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256705923892734,0.15862597064858255,0.12118358921438604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184137901311532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04367014831953382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858684610840511,0.0,0.0,0.13833095051545766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549947494319821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056737301105980485,0.0,0.0,0.0501638694335184,0.0,0.0,0.03425804308438244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142054792515624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350313137618104,0.0,0.0
bpd,earthbutterfly,2019/08/27,"Sudden irrational (aren't they always) panic attack + feelings of failure and inadequacy. I received a message from a mod on another (unrelated) sub about a post I made, and even though I can totally see where they're coming from, I'm suddenly spiralling and feeling personally attacked and that I have to defend myself, and feeling like even though I tried my best I'm still a complete failure.

DAE ever feel like the most minor things can set you off and make you go on the defensive and even be almost all passive aggressive just to say fuck you?",9.03611650485437,7.937816300970873,9.170213592233015,66.00755339805828,60.74757281553399,11.735145631067965,40.01747572815536,10.793553405168565,4.460970485436894,441,20,73,9,5,146,73,103,0.2,0.645,0.155,-0.7971,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,1,10,9,5,1,6,0,5,1,0,2,3,21,17,9,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,6,11,3,9,15,4,13,0,0,1,1,8,4,1,2,6,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692867522360649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406694546180725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727161950647707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38465482043818144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741550666595873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562814110765995,0.17725366264881864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349828237446271,0.15292226542432988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34192238072779946,0.2415495466847753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629101426070274,0.0,0.0,0.09607932215658803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518599435270784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996637567976701,0.11284725152517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835265188401052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761456339251874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191043572207806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444137800064224,0.0,0.0,0.13471700822163307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500960669956688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231434826108967,0.0,0.3321964401284563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477900378109868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sturtz2618,2019/08/27,"counseling I beat my anxieties this time. I made the phone call to my insurance and found out mental health services are covered for us. 
I found a therapist that will drive to my house to meet (even better for me because I'm super fucking anxious to go new places by myself) and she's coming on Saturday. this is the first step back to some sort of functioning normal again. 
I'm super fucking proud of myself and I finally opened up to my husband about what's been going on. he's my rock. he affirmed me that it's going to be okay, therapy is good, and I'm not a shitty person just because I have mental illness. 
y'all. I can't wait to feel better. the little amount of hope I have just from making the appointment has put me in a better mood. and I took some of the pressure of me and am only working part time now instead of full time.",3.9014912280701743,4.851442497076025,5.1487865497076015,83.52914473684211,71.39766081871346,7.805263157894737,27.11549707602339,8.07648339933343,1.6895883040935664,661,22,131,9,12,220,106,171,0.05,0.778,0.172,0.97,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,9,8,13,2,1,8,1,11,4,0,2,0,23,28,6,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,3,1,0,8,2,3,0,1,5,1,22,9,24,21,5,27,0,0,0,2,10,9,2,4,10,90,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557129074110984,0.15590318377781906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061151588274514,0.0,0.16824969730280515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661551434149105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091565637608106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887665938858245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114913902498248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697780492182871,0.0,0.0,0.15117464379889953,0.0,0.1173845846653678,0.0,0.30262453690036273,0.0,0.2551615852052977,0.0,0.0,0.23528945918187985,0.11574968195881198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668986513660115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706730405316073,0.0,0.15923598835357952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831443984192815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058100042114346,0.09211752742608972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781474799896047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332833663617411,0.0,0.0,0.13521283674861231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495687727160437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494429138152738,0.0,0.0,0.12049818146228987,0.14418290688443947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873030836931846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781752098984214,0.16023116866528936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414105445864497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332550085656807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599963198999487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004672313705062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,msfayenoir,2019/08/27,"Recently diagnosed and just wanted to say hello Hi there. I'm a 28 year old woman and I was just recently diagnosed with BPD by my physician, and wanted to say hello before I start lurking here.

I've been what you could call depressed my entire life, but as I got older I always felt like there was something more to what was going on in my brain than just the classic signs of clinical depression. I would go a week or two feeling happy (almost too happy it seemed), making plans to change my life, etc. And then I'd completely crash and be in the darkest of dark for weeks on end. Rinse and repeat. It was absolutely exhausting, and on top of it none of the medication or therapy I was receiving was helping at all. I felt pretty hopeless.

I decided to take a risk and change doctors after mine refused to listen to me that I felt like we needed to reevaluate my condition. My new physician is much more helpful and I think I am finally prescribed medication that will actually help me.

I'm really glad this subreddir exists, it's good to know I'm not alone. Thanks for reading, I hope to stick around. :)",4.457354651162792,5.926978069767443,5.786438953488375,77.51035610465118,70.62790697674419,9.09593023255814,29.25145348837209,9.516144504307137,2.7893313953488366,875,34,160,20,16,294,135,215,0.129,0.6629999999999999,0.209,0.9705,0,1,1,0,0,1,23.0,1,1,0,2,8,13,0,1,6,0,13,12,1,1,1,38,35,14,0,6,7,0,4,2,0,2,11,3,0,1,9,12,0,1,8,1,0,3,2,5,0,1,11,7,23,8,28,20,6,25,0,3,0,0,15,8,0,5,16,107,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.11043111912680993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331676250297056,0.1172031166856872,0.0,0.0,0.0941609840689153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073938587175148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629368777881456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252529532443395,0.12632773945169604,0.1155524469350822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394236680983283,0.0,0.11864963399586538,0.0,0.0,0.09035173786443457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493487896473924,0.22971686451835946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158274980644835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002291517239776,0.0,0.12620706410068988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721879695192115,0.0,0.3259637271048105,0.12396493373938115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862669507750207,0.09491606061573547,0.0905070797578312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409290102102024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755305226460995,0.0,0.0,0.11239675409712704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062191625305978826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159861261080992,0.11057180697034524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553742411195259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800036742109714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318809318886693,0.0839092004227233,0.0,0.10929388199236603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874591425606805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151278240206987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319398748460847,0.0,0.07249534860943548,0.0,0.2234703393857547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998409799045473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301967634963598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711868616979783,0.0,0.0,0.08009761139667805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850847662767479,0.0,0.0,0.10418562147518072,0.12941216887167947,0.0,0.0,0.07251051423230663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054416322228222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349336794579295,0.0,0.18154564917719868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038800687858029,0.0,0.0,0.0728734961264336
bpd,szeiyu,2019/08/27,"First day at work after mental rehab center! I had spent last 3 weeks in a mental rehab center, which quite frankly is a fancy name for psychiatric ward, where I got admitted due to insomnia, but got diagnosed with much more intriguing illnesses, including BPD.

Today was my first day at work, and I was so anxious. In the previous months I've gone through many up and downs, which have left me in a really tough position in regards to my employment, but in the end, everything turned out to be just fine.

While meeting my colleagues at work near our supervisors desk, she had pulled out some papers I had to sign. Those were my logged weekly hours that looked something like..

> Week 1: 82h

> Week 2: 12h

> Week 3: 79h

> Week 4: 8h

> Week 5: 81h

Then one of the colleagues got excited over it and said ""oh, let me pin point which weeks you had manic episodes!"". We all had a laugh and I went back to working.

As a side note, I work as an over-the-phone language interpreter for medical, financial and legal matters, so it's quite a responsible (yet very chill!) job. My whole body is still shaking from the anxiety and paranoia, but I did it! First day is over and I (thankfully) hadn't got anyone killed!

I see many people struggling with keeping their jobs due to anxiety and other symptoms of BPD and/or depression, and I want to take a moment to say that you can do it! It's not supposed to be easy, but don't give up! Don't be afraid to open up about your issues and see if other people can help you overcome whatever obstacles you might face.

Wish best of luck to all you wonderful people =)",5.661890028585841,5.941352495207671,5.990008407600473,81.45861947200271,67.17891373801918,9.784361863124264,30.211703379855386,9.682069395223575,2.584479872204473,1253,43,251,25,19,402,188,313,0.09,0.75,0.16,0.9789,3,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,2,6,1,11,8,13,1,3,12,0,24,9,2,0,2,37,44,21,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,13,16,0,1,3,0,1,4,4,6,0,4,18,5,27,7,41,21,7,56,0,1,3,0,17,24,0,5,29,153,40,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768099583933007,0.09427692708659194,0.0,0.058351529707322075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416938287684346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757765180593248,0.0,0.0,0.0926962811759204,0.21020956855343206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614587728480857,0.0,0.0718770248991871,0.08470195215160016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739136400047922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500121354048983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129525067048936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800546953373612,0.0,0.0,0.2669765271296809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055936069489366635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218334079418603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710213327461365,0.16562632707041822,0.07417590963801976,0.09232719595042636,0.0,0.0,0.0680244610110029,0.0,0.0,0.09067076596247314,0.08533525231605413,0.0,0.04077039760643968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700786031710213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169214317145495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406903973872394,0.16819983437714814,0.08852930977504664,0.0,0.0,0.06661053423091358,0.0,0.061346770544163626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654918742139847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356518174678526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888904775872099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752279939977794,0.0,0.0,0.053461443172703724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938189558996993,0.0663643241344085,0.0,0.0,0.13300076707032152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424537269334643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664481897995915,0.0,0.0,0.08724207643904265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673850829064729,0.06274546552873743,0.0,0.0,0.07683132488838401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910267172272649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907717358552927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885658192194515,0.049222110392320884,0.0,0.5355208350829388,0.0,0.0,0.07736077504295659,0.0,0.09317109944078857,0.09596560085277224,0.0,0.0905000581047226,0.3037699942038181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hotcheetolimes,2019/08/27,"DAE feel like they have ASPD sometimes? With certain people I am fully BPD - all of the emotions and attachments, the acting out and subsequent guilt, shame and depression, etc... but if I’m not emotionally attached at all to begin with, I don’t even consider that the other person has feelings or a life of their own. Or if they ever did mean anything to me, once I’m “over” the person, I lose my entire capacity to even view them as sentient. There are the people who hold my heart in their hands, and the rest are just pawns.",7.79470588235294,6.498825529411768,7.867960784313728,74.98782352941178,63.31372549019608,10.512941176470589,33.14509803921568,9.3871,2.8265662745098044,412,13,78,6,5,134,75,102,0.09300000000000001,0.86,0.047,-0.6858,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,5,1,5,6,0,2,7,0,7,3,2,0,4,22,13,10,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,11,2,12,12,5,7,0,2,1,0,8,4,0,4,3,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434954464737048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515357598912936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201540539908286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44930804045542894,0.0,0.0,0.2227365303818732,0.26382154009268105,0.18065487863400734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019651815294252,0.14267740514879568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366648443146317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106556906847614,0.09757132383247592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223431517708498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754966132859466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269140187422794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769163502358264,0.34876923854470576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975245835339922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,staticythoughts,2019/08/27,"Empathy issues. When I get aggravated or develop anger for someone or something my empathy goes completely out the door, and I go 0 - 100 quick as all hell and it’s like all I see is red and I could care less about the feelings towards my source of anger or frustration. Wether it be a person or anything for that matter, it’s like if I can’t control what’s going on I get mad, I need help with this. Thanks guys",1.835911764705884,3.8271193411764735,3.5466911764705884,88.55886029411766,79.11764705882355,7.0735294117647065,24.742647058823533,8.07648339933343,1.4439705882352944,324,12,69,6,8,108,62,85,0.221,0.624,0.155,-0.8519,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,5,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,2,17,13,10,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,3,9,4,9,11,3,7,1,0,2,0,3,3,1,5,4,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297218123354444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26386611843230623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27134921082529384,0.0,0.2902687036962165,0.20663251912823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085818197987514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704269636141135,0.0,0.2941665391193888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25625489330716633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346967727137544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701222857939254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528753907658531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189857186142528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259761219278096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062318674797121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928228687734388,0.1992385980822735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382703192124321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tisichoveka,2019/08/27,"Boyfriends parents learnt I have bpd and about my trauma last night Lately the fights between me and my boyfriend have been more and more frequent. We(f22),(m25)  have been together for 8 months now, he loves me very much, however I do see that my mood swings bring him down and make him feel helpless.  

Yesterday it got so bad (He is Gavin trouble getting over some of the fights we had) that we had to sit down with his parents and talk about our issues. They didn’t know I have bpd and we told them, we also told them I was raped when I was 16, which I think is the trigger for my condition.They reacted to it well. However, now the situation is weird, silent and awkward. I can’t help but feel like it would be best for me to let him go and let him have a chance to find consistent happiness and to not have to deal with my ongoing issues.  As of now I regret having told them about my past, I can’t help but worry about what they think about their sons poor choices to be with me, to choose to still stay with me. 

I also.. don’t have much memory of being raped, I just remember being scared and saying no multiple times, I don’t want this to be something that defines me, I want to erase that from my memory, and I did for a while.. I hate to be pitied. 

What do you think is going through my boyfriends parents heads? And do you think it’s a good idea to continue this relationship considering my issues won’t just go away/ I feel guilty for making his life more difficult?",4.785757467994311,5.302943087837839,4.95673541963016,87.27304409672833,69.13513513513513,8.664011379800854,27.065433854907546,8.6894789155246,1.6344621621621624,1158,34,250,18,19,363,149,296,0.177,0.7240000000000001,0.099,-0.9767,5,0,1,0,2,0,35.0,5,2,6,1,16,22,5,2,7,0,37,5,1,4,0,46,61,20,0,4,5,4,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,20,0,0,12,0,1,4,8,15,1,0,12,5,50,6,38,39,7,25,0,3,1,3,37,4,0,1,16,180,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782643582519452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985860523962294,0.0,0.08761293429191727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011852563444163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643136380803029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817916985733583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916867621127126,0.07496266940937818,0.0,0.0,0.09590495886645167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482207424741158,0.0,0.17890397798925972,0.08801107633731979,0.08392284144495779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170091432329043,0.0,0.10359755847229377,0.1076893953349826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066596614405869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845423517277692,0.0,0.32856185218585754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057667288832244985,0.08553270382503883,0.11836664695836555,0.0,0.0,0.21459794767071846,0.07411581117625364,0.05126394669612487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470425105987923,0.0,0.14008440629992625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375485834542365,0.0,0.15427259775649946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847055914734297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495401030157723,0.0,0.10016843524565874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265653756992962,0.11886627602346014,0.0,0.0,0.08344527830685933,0.10505415513911916,0.0,0.08361635689027172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179467492469103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078094780964765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118423980160843,0.0837979673571269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433949787791191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689419835572008,0.0,0.0,0.06118606262720262,0.0,0.0,0.30079796909794954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657899732541265,0.1237819492358423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434549776398177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656244158399553,0.0,0.07453991415255593,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mnlemondrop16,2019/08/27,"Splitting I’ve been really overwhelmed lately with life and I split last night. I left a kik group that I was in that i genuinely enjoyed. Idk if it was for the best or not. It’s like most of them are strangers to me. So I feel like it shouldn’t even matter. Except now I’m feeling some type of way and just want to cut everyone off, but not actually cut them off. If that makes sense. Ugh what a day.",0.5806928104575171,2.6489370823529437,2.114509803921571,96.72418300653601,84.05882352941177,5.660130718954249,18.8562091503268,6.937597516519254,-0.011418300653594391,312,8,74,4,9,101,64,85,0.146,0.741,0.113,-0.5808,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,2,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,19,10,7,0,4,8,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,8,4,10,6,3,10,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,5,7,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.2745084846198419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952072776051564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141540219862345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185796174754762,0.0,0.0,0.2687944620125222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844677363996581,0.2009609684733777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22929726398825376,0.31731895615664485,0.0,0.30563356548391496,0.0,0.19869069912425733,0.2748582049435938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777011397708732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639812467762709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020815551014305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591818697190985,0.2232830601861371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,squarejungl,2019/08/27,"Could someone please explain this behaviour. What was she trying to achieve Can someone please explain to me why she thought the following behaviour was ok. Because im at a loss here. 

I recently broke up with my now ex girlfriend who has diagnosed BPD, medicated and in therapy. 

I explained very calmly that i was leaving, gave her all my valid reasons and expressed how hard this must be. 
I didnt raise my voice once. I didnt even stand up. I started to pack my bags. She then proceeded to hit me repeatedly. Telling me she will go to the police and tell them i hit her. I remained quiet and continued to pack my bags as well as i could. I currently have 2 black eyes, 3 chipped teeth and scratch to fuck all over. She then started to run into the wall until she was bruised shouting ""look at what you made me do"". I told her i didnt make her do anything, and that her behaviour is only going to make me leave faster not stay. She then ran to the kitchen and held a knife to her throat saying if i left she will kill herself. She then turned the knife on me. I left and phoned the police. 

Could someone please explain

1. Why she thought this behaviour is ok

2. Ive researched these behaviours stem from trying to stop abandonment. Did she really think threatening me like this would make me stay?

Ive changed phone numbers, moved state, she has no way of contacting me...",3.1163557213930337,5.222571033582092,3.6030597014925374,89.11949004975125,75.6044776119403,7.153233830845772,28.33084577114428,8.07648339933343,1.8457606965174125,1079,46,219,18,24,337,149,268,0.10099999999999999,0.831,0.068,-0.8716,1,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,0,1,1,2,5,10,2,0,8,2,26,7,3,6,3,35,51,17,1,6,2,1,2,1,1,4,2,4,1,0,10,10,1,3,8,0,0,6,5,5,1,0,15,9,51,5,26,26,2,37,0,3,3,1,37,11,1,1,16,141,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203086585478157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681737185938535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408525580396645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830684521692672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678739947017619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351040500778728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386611510839945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338986865718128,0.0,0.0,0.1271170776570783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018239999428102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080124013579632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237291129584461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236834723074875,0.24301861067725544,0.0,0.0,0.05463704468525713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391342733264686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058211993141752,0.2239526546430149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266222922794868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188631514404606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191008707468645,0.0,0.0850557324061786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682844993288796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164451246617178,0.11498524325085575,0.11042379837496594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893586415909388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842728840600329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583151037492354,0.2384029514673724,0.0,0.09349926048272196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954978418700513,0.0,0.12789333279783185,0.0,0.0,0.07165950009886395,0.0,0.1775693620566678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686335549009138,0.0,0.1518575611229327,0.12164461666423955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227577762815732,0.0,0.08876960059718435,0.0,0.0,0.10055330323549114,0.0,0.2018278016283192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944453915204087,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jl108908,2019/08/27,"I don't know where to go from here Im really struggling with a recent breakup that I know was all my fault. I want him back but haven't even gotten a reply from him. I just want things the way they were, I was so happy. Literally with the man of my dreams for 3 years, and let it slip through my fingers",2.011818181818178,2.982657151515156,3.3246666666666687,94.737,75.96969696969697,6.492121212121212,20.775757575757574,6.742157984588678,0.02734303030302998,236,5,58,2,5,77,50,66,0.059000000000000004,0.746,0.19399999999999998,0.871,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,6,1,1,0,1,10,12,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,11,1,8,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291497807798389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683149379071085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936483152548634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172350902685228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218998117446057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32755484033533583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047334021981473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091157548937132,0.0,0.2942469785001228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115426983169387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979832938468534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515457154253435,0.2365449037506201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190740128540196
bpd,potatosium,2019/08/27,"How many of us have not been hospitalised for care after self-harm or a psychiatric stay? Everyone I know who has BPD has ended up in hospital either over night or in the psychiatric ward, or have been admitted to a care facility for more than a day. 

Sometimes I feel like I cannot *have* ‘borderline’, because although I’ve had suicidal thoughts, and thoughts about hurting myself I’ve never cut, and I’ve never attempted to take my life. 

Perhaps it’s just the way the media portrays it, or that stories without obvious self-harm or attempts to take your own life aren’t interesting or dramatic enough? 

No criticism either way, just hoping that I’m not alone.",8.99680107526882,7.851756475806455,8.837741935483873,68.50994623655916,60.854838709677416,12.782795698924732,40.82795698924731,11.855464076750405,4.953934408602152,529,25,92,14,6,172,83,124,0.095,0.752,0.153,0.6613,1,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,1,0,2,4,7,1,0,6,0,10,2,0,1,3,25,21,10,1,1,13,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,5,1,7,5,14,16,5,13,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,7,7,64,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927558658637767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963211766255647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058482201812176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332779881127332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054059249923372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476021569145933,0.1688782453419555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617488128283372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264068133766712,0.1167622843075946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233379297599754,0.0,0.0,0.1749669727410835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898229002105999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230886426122042,0.07984901773139726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657035226953827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521115527362333,0.0,0.0,0.15337830834571994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34100921996747474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164732990681174,0.0,0.0,0.17420636134875225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877792836699738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457745856654375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25950779770564075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965994011460548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594637192741958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755129328170786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tifagrande,2019/08/27,numb? does anyone ever go through periods where you dont feel pain towards things u usually struggle with? i feel nothing for those things and cant even think too much about any of it. I cant even stay sad or anything for too long atm. im not content or truly happy im just okay. feels weird lol,-0.20910394265232668,2.0959639677419366,1.3708602150537637,97.50406810035842,94.80645161290323,4.0458781362007175,19.7921146953405,5.82211442006289,-0.1152745519713263,234,8,51,2,9,75,49,62,0.13,0.664,0.207,0.7359,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,11,8,3,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,3,3,2,7,8,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395404470453163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434779485038009,0.0,0.16885898217710846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795685704223189,0.0,0.2404884088164106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710602991449181,0.18561170337842856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112600804107489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661772466844318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843516200431606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432941984323014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181592172782906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084281130517674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689128040728626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834321570786186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187118384625494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145156127606184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726464643553753,0.13148143438211365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22599461560142065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Reign1800,2019/08/27,"I’ve got nothing I want to do, ever Ive  basically lost my self. I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I like to do. I loved drawing, playing guitar and being creative. About a year or so ago I noticed that i didn’t have a drive or want or need to do anything other than work or clean. It’s like my mind has made cleaning a fun thing now. Every time I try to draw or sing or do anything I get so discouraged and give up and then fall into nothingness, it’s not like a depressive state it’s just starting at the screen of my computer and not doing anything because I get so confused? Discouraged? Hopeless? 

Anyone else have these feelings? Did you get over them? How?",1.9822340425531912,3.574191851063833,3.721578014184399,89.30875,77.29787234042553,6.402127659574468,25.934397163120565,7.1686216300943375,1.1320822695035466,525,20,113,6,12,176,87,141,0.121,0.705,0.174,0.8305,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,2,8,12,0,1,5,0,15,1,0,2,1,28,30,16,0,3,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,9,6,0,2,3,3,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,2,17,6,11,24,0,14,0,5,1,1,6,4,0,7,10,78,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858950509383532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509533803954795,0.18331049016509846,0.4416735465638427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905952691026154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154091602604765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945312942008265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183085289657398,0.150736145346194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046032365539902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28041323381798594,0.17162307869408924,0.0,0.0,0.1430875894660615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664427962584968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26221352016814564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529719380535035,0.0,0.1614697829938762,0.1692853224427302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064420846768212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326566413880263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166527355899858,0.20368583460068215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663812972263505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663069195698282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885729472539712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043216132760232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214655303789336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104696207388973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024580607157515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520969325931127
bpd,Jazzcabbageee,2019/08/27,"What is BPD Like? I took mushrooms 5 months ago. It was a horrible trip. Since then ive been going from happy to completely depressed within hours Along with intrusive thoughts and low energy. But i do not do any of the acting out, im a really calm person besides my anxiety. I dont have this fear of abandonment. Just curious if this is BPD",1.521470588235296,4.064806735294121,3.689705882352944,83.74867647058825,84.58823529411767,8.105882352941178,23.20588235294117,8.841846274778883,2.229435294117648,270,10,52,8,8,92,57,68,0.228,0.606,0.16699999999999998,-0.705,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,12,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,4,0,5,3,8,8,0,11,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941327522316986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892940157832274,0.0,0.16753652867257826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5516526743497423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296202500596264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862677509307035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566696292718609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643901597049106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446432784221045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331325336115777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215673625363943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365605854560034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069936969504692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480593105831094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122478177383168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402987899350658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116136425246165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386374593486892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433201487844553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThrowawayNr9099,2019/08/27,"Question about FP, discard, codepended and do I ever get the girl or is she just manipulating me =(  

Hi.

I did fall in love with a girl who have BPD earlier. She did block me and degraded, and belittled me and so on. So at that point I thought there were nothing more to it. But she kept on holding on to my love through other platforms. Crypitc messages and it kept me hooked so I did hope she would come back to me. She hasn't. So I have stopped answering her on those platforms. I don't know if that is called codependend, to ""talk"" in that unusual way. That she allows me to ""love""her there but not in real life. I feel loved but she never talk to me. This all feel a bit silly and unreal even to write down here. But that is the reality I am living in. But since I stopped answering her, the ""posts/answers"" I get from her is very hostile. And now there is nothing from her at all.

I knew this girl 2 years before I really fell in love with her. So I know that she splits and get angry with me. She is very sensitive. So I did not fall in love through lovebombing. Well I got that in the begining too. But that was some time ago.

When I have read about BPD in books. It allways says that people with BPD discard their FP in a heartbeat. But when I read about all the heartfelt stories of you ppl here on [r/BPD](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/). You seem to be heartbroken years after they have gone. I don't know if I am her FP or anything. But I have allways been there and she have relied on me for all sort of things in her life since I got to know her. So I understand that it would be impossilble for any of you to know what is going through her head. But I feel manipulated to show my love for her on these platforms so she can feel good about herself but never meet me IRL anymore. Why would she do that. She ""tells"" me she loves me, but as soon as I tell her that too, she push me away. She never apologise for the words she has said to me earlier. I feel it is all just a defence mechanism. That since it is on these platforms, it isnt't real and she cant get hurt in reality. But I feel so manipulated by this. I am hoping she will talk to me, to meet me and be with me but I don't think she gives a shit about me. So I stopped answering her. And now it is all silence and some hostile post by her. I am not gonna answer her on these platforms anymore. I am real and if she want me, she needs to talk to me. But am I discared now forever? Am I ""free"" or could I actually ""get to be"" with this girl. I am at that point that either of those choices are good. Because I feel I live in some sort of limbo. I just her puppet who tell her I love her, and get nothing back. This tears in my heart, I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about it. So I thought I ask you here for help.",0.8399232491205666,2.8383570205831923,2.5330255545541758,94.50182167049454,82.56775300171527,5.87364014303573,21.37363723580545,7.0645821383176095,0.3925829520016277,2145,67,500,28,59,705,209,583,0.07200000000000001,0.794,0.134,0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,87.0,0,4,2,0,41,22,4,0,11,0,52,14,4,4,10,115,101,51,0,11,27,0,7,0,0,5,2,2,0,4,39,23,0,9,24,4,1,7,13,6,1,0,16,9,112,17,76,75,12,65,0,1,0,8,79,34,1,15,22,377,151,3,0.0,0.0,0.05992529094335704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054434433399127714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04175950476255308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180035074938385,0.0,0.0,0.05053350207581631,0.0,0.05740813415501645,0.0,0.05769478077194309,0.0944378302835672,0.0,0.03743371007195213,0.0,0.0522536337744433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704156563316871,0.0,0.3867057518133527,0.0,0.06270437225081536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289750261916469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490292430392449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04055936501839239,0.05554699712764926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734789589379555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249868383746568,0.05890809131032342,0.03489954727684397,0.10301213267727154,0.09822707819692693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302226232108027,0.0,0.0,0.07276870420971701,0.04116044755569012,0.0,0.0,0.12198387997182045,0.0,0.0,0.06573846951582313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874098850802288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674848771431751,0.0,0.0,0.10844867159771444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988075679305516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455332091888165,0.1420847663232686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767677229642906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04257253340584019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610070362946895,0.0,0.05881183150821818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879094632886378,0.0,0.12284911511699224,0.2096870378553842,0.0393394986106396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058413012929400626,0.048834058381996455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590348198005037,0.0,0.0,0.06303436764409209,0.15239184687073432,0.0,0.06145228777754942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535914901187186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742950335104376,0.1610197378814169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04079670650275344,0.07869545642897494,0.0,0.09750208957341658,0.035807463467416936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392783089282669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133596282095132,0.03621999385867921,0.04874276422787924,0.0,0.0,0.05521311258549756,0.0,0.05541111418334116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086731544458274,0.0,0.0,0.0790893996541224
bpd,Pileofpenguine,2019/08/27,"Question about FP, discard, codepended and do I ever get the girl or is she just manipulating me =( Hi.

 I did fall in love with a girl who have BPD earlier. She did block me and degraded, and belittled me and so on. So at that point I thought there were nothing more to it. But she kept on holding on to my love through other platforms. Crypitc messages and it kept me hooked so I did hope she would come back to me. She hasn't. So I have stopped answering her on those platforms. I don't know if that is called codependend, to ""talk"" in that unusual way. That she allows me to ""love""her there but not in real life. I feel loved but she never talk to me. This all feel a bit silly and unreal even to write down here. But that is the reality I am living in. But since I stopped answering her, the ""posts/answers"" I get from her is very hostile. And now there is nothing from her at all. 

I knew this girl 2 years before I really fell in love with her. So I know that she splits and get angry with me. She is very sensitive. So I did not fall in love through lovebombing. Well I got that in the begining too. But that was some time ago. 

When I have read about BPD in books. It allways says that people with BPD discard their FP in a heartbeat. But when I read about all the heartfelt stories of you ppl here on r/BPD. You seem to be heartbroken years after they have gone. I don't know if I am her FP or anything. But I have allways been there and she have relied on me for all sort of things in her life since I got to know her. So I understand that it would be impossilble for any of you to know what is going through her head. But I feel manipulated to show my love for her on these platforms so she can feel good about herself but never meet me IRL anymore. Why would she do that. She ""tells"" me she loves me, but as soon as I tell her that too, she push me away. She never apologise for the words she has said to me earlier. I feel it is all just a defence mechanism. That since it  is on these platforms, it isnt't real and she cant get hurt in reality. But I feel so manipulated by this. I am hoping she will talk to me, to meet me and be with me but I don't think she gives a shit about me. So I stopped answering her. And now it is all silence and some hostile post by her. I am not gonna answer her on these platforms anymore. I am real and if she want me, she needs to talk to me. But am I discared now forever? Am I ""free"" or could I actually ""get to be"" with this girl. I am at that point that either of those choices are good. Because I feel I live in some sort of limbo. I just her puppet who tell her I love her, and get nothing back. This tears in my heart, I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about it. So I thought I ask you here for help.",0.6475326001341948,2.609032826161794,2.4673759444557892,94.91211966510113,83.0447504302926,5.797847078386184,21.20718223985531,6.9936667417829534,0.3355913007964064,2116,66,499,27,59,700,207,581,0.07200000000000001,0.794,0.134,0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,4,2,0,41,22,4,0,11,0,52,14,4,4,10,115,101,51,0,11,27,0,7,0,0,5,2,2,0,4,39,23,0,9,24,4,1,7,13,6,1,0,16,9,112,17,76,75,12,65,0,1,0,8,79,34,1,15,22,377,151,3,0.0,0.0,0.0616065210579663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596161511592253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293108584080491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521751259250935,0.0,0.0,0.0519512414667996,0.0,0.05901874434055851,0.0,0.059313432953060664,0.09708732470790243,0.0,0.03848392909773885,0.0,0.05371963220876707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892244593093105,0.0,0.3180439599680167,0.0,0.0644635707008552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054381565074114194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040477978836121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416972756538669,0.05710539230399291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344568569458276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978993181805864,0.06056078344658158,0.03587866926264325,0.10590218288647042,0.10098288162040714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479037931537497,0.0,0.0,0.07481026187247597,0.04231522182331663,0.0,0.0,0.12540619080714632,0.0,0.0,0.06758279088495578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734750903702362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918225428676481,0.0,0.0,0.11149124627210004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128018313108083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046810663186918906,0.14607101627232086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817270183546022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437669243564784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935795939237695,0.0,0.06046182303383967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072090626330738,0.0,0.12629570050083316,0.2155698989501915,0.04044318536320543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005181542624283,0.05020411914061677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574718784940567,0.0,0.0,0.06480282425849168,0.15666726644979273,0.0,0.06317635845283254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111205893018428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029684739813219,0.165537216697308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194127585685364,0.08090329170434092,0.0,0.10023755312557693,0.036812057437033134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572135400747052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417898735542616,0.0372361615479397,0.05011026368927808,0.0,0.0,0.05676214048571737,0.0,0.0569656971045512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453885492782813,0.0,0.0,0.08130828717809893
bpd,huhubels1,2019/08/27,"okay at romantic relationships but unstable with friendships? i know it's a BPD Thing to have unstable romantic relationships because our partner tends to become our FP, but i find that i'm fairly calm with my partner even when we get into disagreements. i fear abandonment but don't display it in harmful ways and i'm pretty good at communicating my feelings.

but when it comes to my friendships, it's a different story. i LOVE my friends, and i fear being abandoned by them so much more. this sucks because i have TONS of people i consider my friends and a pretty solid amount of close friends, but i'm constantly wondering if any of them care about me or talk about me behind my back, and i can't help but monitor how much they pay attention to me. i split on them so much more than i've ever split on romantic partners, too, because i always feel like i invest way more than them.

because my bpd is more quiet, they usually have no idea how stressful our friendship is for me. ever, at all. does anybody also have this experience?",6.468787878787879,6.9351028989899,6.99550505050505,74.29659090909092,65.46464646464646,10.236363636363636,35.186868686868685,10.125756701596842,3.6223353535353535,826,37,148,18,12,271,112,198,0.17,0.5720000000000001,0.257,0.9724,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,4,0,6,0,14,16,1,3,3,1,9,1,0,2,3,32,22,19,0,1,8,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,8,10,0,2,7,0,2,1,3,7,0,0,0,3,32,9,23,21,10,18,0,2,0,1,21,8,1,3,8,109,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025002125007147,0.10430922374353577,0.0,0.0,0.08524882201989446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963937890495306,0.0,0.3056721774468741,0.1384498214919213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157720379861181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781245986681786,0.0,0.0,0.10798618929316953,0.0,0.1354691852475627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309740932807363,0.0,0.0,0.10970302463863983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279882889783279,0.22678985772459884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262573659736295,0.0,0.28212878838672784,0.12677115373445225,0.08955691830433395,0.0,0.0,0.11457639694336715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905575318071413,0.0,0.06549521332861373,0.0,0.0,0.1051456789828748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402589273713651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151572170192206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889435388937325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124436499386754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314192706939102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764611747967127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690855755801345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550715473851103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691785767793673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359899026307038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075929233565642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328334331133648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138065881045969,0.0,0.0,0.19900921986729572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359471311522455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,awattterbottle,2019/08/27,"I want to talk to a therapist but I don't know how to tell my mom I'm on mobile, sorry.

About a year ago I was in a mental hospital for a bit because my family was worried I'd attempt suicide. While I was there I was switching meds so it's a little fuzzy but I remember one of the doctors telling me that they think I have BPD but I was only 15 so they couldn't say for sure.

Since then I've stopped taking meds, stopped therapy, and stopped seeing my psychiatrist. I want to but my therapist and psychiatrist were horrible for me but no one in my area that takes new patients under 18 with our insurance.

My mom is fine leaving me day after day alone at home (I do online school because teenagers are assholes) but preaches to me about eating well and exercising like it's gonna cure me, I know it helps but she acts like being a little unhealthy is the entire reason my brain is fucked.

Everytime I try to hint at needing to talk to someone again she pretends I was justified in getting so mad for no reason, or like it wasn't too bad. Example: she made a small joke the other day and I got mad, started crying, ran to my room and started hitting myself in the head, afterwards I said I was sorry for getting so mad, she acted like it was fine. I know she's trying to brush it off so I don't feel bad but I need help and she ignores me, I feel like I need to say it out right but everytime I try to I lose my nerve or don't know how to say it.

How do I tell her I need help?",0.9686426878285062,2.9284692364217264,3.0883170153560755,90.90434607853243,81.87539936102236,6.083438111924147,23.19581572709471,7.233258080335977,0.8476534886117699,1153,41,254,16,31,391,151,313,0.207,0.652,0.141,-0.9803,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,2,2,14,18,4,0,11,0,22,6,2,6,1,45,50,27,1,7,11,2,2,5,0,1,2,4,2,0,11,8,1,4,10,3,0,3,7,8,1,2,14,8,51,10,33,32,1,35,1,1,1,1,24,16,1,2,21,163,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838203104736141,0.0,0.0,0.0915800011307483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765973275612804,0.1078041982567856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965354785709399,0.0,0.1113662083063518,0.09870978561821823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712898025517848,0.17107738200145106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050512224998304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047923864841917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335773555250117,0.0,0.08941908095515544,0.06316971244676098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174603152325842,0.0923951799803629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707202905601154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074794414972323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780507355947384,0.0,0.08869590482271998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438080750424785,0.0,0.0,0.0936276396794522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159960949359656,0.1772470029192363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892319467451667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366838266956958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964369829537555,0.0,0.08911001493054309,0.0,0.0,0.20712089320722796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225939674287185,0.0,0.08539989481070742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983600231453062,0.06724999918090492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182801548304536,0.0,0.0,0.10016650334332836,0.07551312176351327,0.08411092588088873,0.21095356971205165,0.0,0.0894892267431712,0.0704620214597561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314477085490066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492088100892451,0.0,0.0,0.1979655697814164,0.12517311057435052,0.0,0.0,0.22177782777242336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672087518449056,0.0,0.0833380315600603,0.0,0.132966822251504,0.142142799097957,0.2318579124599001,0.0,0.1011198925996505,0.2053328231862597,0.0,0.0566581603217444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801011038097227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430885400606477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950327824974257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897982802043015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694178658710846
bpd,aideeart,2019/08/27,"First time Hey guys, I was just remembering the first time I self harmed which was back when i was in 6th grade, it was a point in my life where I was experiencing abandonment from my ""best friend"" she just stopped hanging out with me for no reason, she never spoke to me again. I was a loner for a few weeks, I would walk around from bathroom to bathroom just cus i didn't want people to look at me. On one of those walks I started talking to a girl who was in a few of my classes and I thought hey I have a friend. A few days past and i started chatting with her and she used to hang out with a few pther girls and i thought i had found a group of friends I was so happy. One day i kinda heard them whispering something to each other and they were looking at me. I figured they were talking about me but stayed there cus I didn't want to be alone. This was at lunch a few minutes later they all got in a circle and called me over i thought they were including me in their group when all.of a sudden one of the girls tells me ""why are you always following us, don't you got any friends?"" keep in mind she said this in front of about 10 girls and they all looked and some laughed and some looked sorry for me, The bell rang and I stood there wanting to just cry, I held my tears, She humiliated me, I think this was a breaking point for me, this is when my depression started kicking in, This is when I started self harming. After this they would see me.pass by and they would laugh at me. I still remember everything. This was one of my many times in school when I was a loner, when people made fun of me and It sucks. I remember self harming cus I wanted my mom to see them and to ask""whats wrong?"" she never saw them and I continued togo into a dark place, thia was too when I started to realize I was sexually abused as a child by my uncle, things he had done started coming back to me. And now speed up to current me  im in my mid 20s and had one suicide attempt, and continue to self harm. Just recently i hit my head and arms i got bruises and gave myself a concussion. Anyways I was wondering what triggered you to self harm the first time?",2.5472146807440943,4.058310239819008,3.507835595776772,91.78120035193571,75.56108597285069,6.540070387129211,24.72121669180493,7.1686216300943375,0.8276408245349418,1674,55,372,18,36,536,204,442,0.14800000000000002,0.797,0.055,-0.9912,1,1,1,0,1,1,39.0,1,3,11,5,26,18,1,0,21,0,33,4,2,4,4,68,72,29,1,7,6,1,0,0,4,3,1,5,0,11,15,28,1,4,12,1,0,7,6,9,0,8,39,13,80,9,58,28,11,75,0,2,7,0,53,26,1,4,40,272,95,3,0.0,0.08785803496907138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679914423625843,0.0,0.0,0.06170043256042323,0.0,0.0,0.05042592596438515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601103148634561,0.06932214208752424,0.0,0.0,0.11403667417020358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781798496295539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571751750270396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638754115007323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145252753915526,0.0956438550896646,0.0,0.0638670383076887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588327591280429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664306689143139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922104695506944,0.0,0.08130387800326172,0.2291587103906593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791846674260994,0.0,0.0,0.07342217191760485,0.0,0.07893621914276239,0.0,0.0,0.07610137984108986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009692137265871,0.0,0.0,0.06590973498142995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052375774615593285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24907613188222266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016444757934491,0.0,0.0751785239476637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487241606448702,0.08684596612449616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438124003981555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512366868534629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078650701868314,0.1028153676556179,0.0,0.0774730931705496,0.0,0.14019528054562816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624064105075933,0.07321618789813314,0.0,0.2519993986543996,0.0,0.07053556506675741,0.0,0.0,0.0750458172896059,0.11817914135074715,0.0,0.38678371758015256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057085858584891125,0.0,0.08300713124992211,0.3149111483338803,0.07903620210035198,0.0592179102122265,0.06199442080948591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111028993487131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920119234858001,0.06481214617990455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926331654065387,0.04751362931846196,0.0,0.17660529662019014,0.17295458957641152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919576691393337,0.06404354924123107,0.0,0.0,0.17494716368246307,0.0,0.059480288967125684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691067715723611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041471785913806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802643248020434,0.08107360869864152,0.0,0.0
bpd,FlyingWhalesire,2019/08/27,"Need help. So my girlfriend suffers from BPD she's explained to me what it is and how it affects her, I had never heard of it until I had met her and have not researched it too much either.

I was diagnosed with manic depression and anxiety but for the last while have really been getting a grip on things however my gf in the last 2 days has been feeling awful, she doesn't want her friends around and is saying she hates them, has gone rouge on all social media and isn't answering texts or calls. Only yesterday did I get a text to say its not my fault in case I thought I had something to do with this episode.

My question is what can I do to help, I want to stay away and give her the space she needs but I also feel I should be doing more?",4.066064516129032,4.444100412903229,4.843387096774197,87.9450806451613,70.6774193548387,8.006451612903223,27.112903225806452,7.908726449838941,1.3962774193548388,584,18,128,7,10,189,103,155,0.126,0.81,0.064,-0.8268,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,5,1,22,1,0,2,2,30,37,14,0,5,6,0,3,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,9,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,11,6,24,1,17,24,4,16,0,2,0,0,23,7,0,2,7,98,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572076003083026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939731515716908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622138672363327,0.0,0.0,0.1712010913296311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22949891081339066,0.0,0.18606634459558385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751641553044907,0.0,0.15694527171514022,0.1849488193742148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427117163485326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407822290697306,0.0,0.1904041943456476,0.17480141852583858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990389754383054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427559813441574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970662052755207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395219940452785,0.2702266999047732,0.14053880744147804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385860378918802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412739120462595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673439095165455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28981630494793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574969477669054,0.0,0.14028136929623725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422159759800806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105844900484608,0.0,0.0,0.1446618213861547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149554047555688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whoistashy,2019/08/27,"FP doesn't know what to do with me I was inpatient a couple months back for suicidal ideation. When I got out, I felt worlds better, & am only now starting to get bad again. 

My FP felt like I didn't need her as much when I got discharged- which was true, I was starting to get independent again & really could face the world without her help. However, I recently got diagnosed with BPD (before this I was only diagnosed bipolar; I know she's my FP bc I kind of suspected the diagnosis early on tho, haha) which is kind of causing a relapse of sorts.

Not only is she not used to being so close with me anymore (since I got better & all), but now she has to deal with a whole new disorder & it's been totally shitty to say the least. It's a lot of why don't you understand/why don't you explain to me/I don't know what's happening/me neither.

So basically, how do I get her to help, without being all clingy? I feel torn between telling her everything & letting her be there to the end vs. pushing her so far away that she doesn't see this BPD side of me, much less figure that she's my FP haha.

Sorry if this is confusing! If not for advice, do leave a hug <3",2.090899470899469,3.782450259259264,3.9763550852439775,87.16407407407408,77.27160493827161,7.426925338036449,24.740152851263968,8.269060116576782,1.4838992357436802,915,32,196,17,21,310,128,243,0.11699999999999999,0.8170000000000001,0.066,-0.8805,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,2,0,2,14,11,0,1,9,2,24,5,1,4,4,37,43,11,1,4,9,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,9,0,0,1,12,2,0,0,12,5,32,9,27,26,10,23,0,0,1,1,19,8,0,5,15,132,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259618168348263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133499407775591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397423097691904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902803023254373,0.0728628646914789,0.07911876754688885,0.0,0.0,0.08063187042550801,0.0,0.0,0.16761106811083265,0.0,0.0,0.23868815101056665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734231680180194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565635700793429,0.1048476537928714,0.0,0.0,0.09769108479850984,0.0,0.19235425375902407,0.0,0.0,0.10860059687096957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392724550367027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516216034655817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047912368174415305,0.0,0.18196460995936112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852104830893867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031457324341932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702825178789898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973512406216129,0.1562291523638175,0.0,0.0,0.10033478080306243,0.0,0.096896224712824,0.0,0.04629385278517016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055965489041404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563473614837612,0.0,0.13931570605867968,0.07026167479984635,0.0,0.09151763043234556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620262830260334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070424438364984,0.0,0.09356185158618864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535517022233698,0.0,0.0,0.07550966255594788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838459429013375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607354899992708,0.1341400536733945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364960436833476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282245465037673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864616496116796,0.0,0.0818402763265637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100827086017498,0.10579364967152144,0.0,0.1826861891233668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FreyjaAndromeda,2019/08/27,"DAE feel like everyday is like rope walking? It may just look like a straight line but it’s just so hard for me to keep my balance and not fall off. 
Every single day, I wake up and think it’s another day for me to have more control over my emotions, do better than yesterday and apply all that I have learned but as I start off the day, a little wind blows, I fall again and have to start over. 
Today was one of those days. Usually, the relationship with my SO affects me the most (that was yesterday) but today was with my siblings. 
Just a minor thing, like not answering my message and it was the end of the world. They don’t care. They hate me. It doesn't matter if I just die tomorrow. They won’t notice. I am all alone. All these thoughts racing through my head and I couldn't keep it together, cried in the train on my way to work. Ran to cry in the bathroom at work. 
I feel so much pain for such minor things. Felt extremely lonely and everything felt so unbearable today. Hoping for a better day tomorrow..",1.6899369747899158,3.952280612745098,2.9485714285714306,91.22500000000002,81.1078431372549,6.434733893557423,21.969187675070028,7.62386473244151,0.8948658263305322,791,25,167,13,21,255,115,204,0.14300000000000002,0.742,0.115,-0.8545,0,3,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,5,10,11,1,0,11,0,15,3,2,2,3,39,30,16,1,3,10,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,3,8,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,8,6,22,8,25,19,7,35,0,1,1,0,5,12,0,4,22,116,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687768764668714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128456620324943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669050064756426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490147376835782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373991821909082,0.0,0.0,0.26913082039961056,0.39502624970859584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714030104472002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780104242529528,0.1085026009984956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321530129181104,0.0,0.1100991203607226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388388385019165,0.0875172193229006,0.23524700890372985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973994464234677,0.12094780398792045,0.12572493088277287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167458223044245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777520702897898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393979884500201,0.12278166409165756,0.0,0.0,0.10287290299739324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900548825151635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947215340354485,0.0,0.0,0.08301220071390522,0.0,0.1303533954877947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152395698214914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734185917135171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277305562824254,0.07849591918736712,0.0,0.09725486693964183,0.0,0.0,0.3483597463454447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492136868140575,0.0,0.0,0.0972383478137312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836942937338895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ppfbtm,2019/08/27,"Heeeelp I have been under a massive stress lately. And i feel as if i don't love my boyfriend anymore. I don't know if it's the BPD acting up because of stress or if it's true feelings. I cried last week because i was afraid of him leaving me, and this feeling went away. Now it's kind of back again. I'm not used to this feeling so i don't freaking know how to get it the hell away. Me and my bf are having a rough patch now, and not with eachother but his work situation is crap and he is trying to change jobs, and my mind is full of remorse. I'm turning 25 now in september and i regret so much in life, i miss so many of my old friends and family that i can't have contact with etc. So i don't really know if it's my BPD acting up because of stress and then just putting all this stress on my relationship or if my relationship really is not good anymore. 

fuckfuckfuck i'm so stressed. Been trying to type this up for 5 days now and i just end up deleting it. But seriously, how do i know if this is my BPD acting up or not?!?",1.0841031390134541,2.6919982511210776,3.0454955156950696,93.08725672645741,79.94170403587444,6.0743497757847535,23.257623318385647,6.961326702584282,0.5691454708520179,802,27,189,9,20,270,109,223,0.177,0.777,0.046,-0.9827,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,15,17,2,6,4,0,18,3,1,3,2,44,35,30,0,7,17,0,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,8,0,0,5,9,12,0,0,4,5,25,5,25,31,4,30,1,2,0,1,9,12,2,9,13,129,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924721348908647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876011819254207,0.07724310486869113,0.0,0.1837079050225776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795557714651453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626725925529644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034425849944426,0.06478467021679603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897263445831183,0.0,0.1120330241965036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946993111177352,0.0,0.20317071501782494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761069159146329,0.0,0.05248319089251571,0.0,0.0,0.08425624501585541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968532637652328,0.0,0.0,0.10460762584513293,0.22082807843991434,0.08188360772603329,0.11331675083264887,0.10636652879850947,0.0,0.0,0.07095379588452233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066386770185096,0.0,0.0,0.10184482582323676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143013952177453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738454200127327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540981980590493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098425028286308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870710847714667,0.0,0.0,0.2157005055988609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129147672877326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5753499252025986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364036610742017,0.10926535985612093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676020457804909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805783267837219,0.0,0.0,0.09312208083463903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313187837034542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wtfffff11111110,2019/08/27,"My bf called this girl a “goddess” and I feel so weird about it This morning I was scrolling through Instagram and this girl’s photo showed up on my explore feed so I decided to go through her photos because she’s honestly quite pretty. And I remember my boyfriend follows her on insta and they know each other.

And I saw this old photo she posted way before he met me and he had left a comment “you’re a goddess” or something like that and I feel weird maybe even uncomfortable because he’s never complimented me like that.


I’ll give it to her that she’s a solid 8/10 and I’m probably a 6 at best. I don’t get why I feel uneasy. Is it the bpd or am I rightfully hurt?",0.804973021582736,3.1284395107913667,2.9089163669064746,89.68049685251799,85.54676258992805,6.064928057553956,23.79541366906475,7.413659706084162,1.1786291366906478,528,21,111,9,16,178,86,139,0.113,0.7609999999999999,0.126,0.4364,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,4,8,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,0,1,19,16,12,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,11,9,1,0,7,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,4,4,21,5,9,12,2,13,0,1,1,0,17,6,0,2,4,68,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24492570922328374,0.0,0.17094563011653746,0.0,0.21082540578718725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530184166665725,0.0,0.20513479448619945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326883071926532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30473347293305164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049585978627642,0.19271541633781894,0.11417244446145773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506071984940908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040585131937528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182714497693188,0.0,0.0,0.1962928998948191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182459129255287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494150457195258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108040059997977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240050632415745,0.20438098150701492,0.21659724464047111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367503836977952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22757325102816114,0.1715620096681023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546576836524216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945996369408294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127519839899545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,killmeplsfml69,2019/08/27,"i’m splitting noo ): ): ): ): ): 

i wnt 2 break up with my bf for no reason all of a sudden randomly i don’t want 2 be mean to him i think it’s because i’m bored but i rlly love him and i keep thinking about if i broke up with him it’d be so mean i’m sad",-5.044215456674472,-4.855383278688522,-0.5431733021077267,106.71741803278692,127.68852459016392,2.3985948477751755,10.914519906323186,4.65589566412798,-1.873534894613583,184,4,54,1,14,69,43,61,0.308,0.59,0.102,-0.8734,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,14,14,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,8,11,1,4,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,2,1,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502758813854626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843702768100568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28875113643636297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6969995158704029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289433982080053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099990365717085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870419285380727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,issuebaby,2019/08/27,"What does a person with BPD do too much and what do they do too little? Talked to my therapist about this and I’ve had such a hard time figuring out what I do too little of since I’m so focused on the things I do too much of. 

What do you do too much and too little of?",2.17811475409836,2.211983491803281,3.898483606557378,94.27428278688528,74.7377049180328,7.411475409836067,20.16803278688525,7.1686216300943375,0.05234098360655759,207,3,54,2,4,70,35,61,0.024,0.912,0.064,0.5149,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,9,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,8,8,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273016896669867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969874301191986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418524113474486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6517878369522178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780573509553263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927705389193844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931613772374913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423321887254736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516891390275419,0.14401376436093305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640156640613287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meows8,2019/08/27,"Two months into a new relationship and it’s too much for me. I just need to vent.

I finally found somebody I really like, he checks all my boxes. But from the beginning this relationship has developed way too quickly for me to process. He liked me so much he asked me to be his girlfriend after 3 dates. He just said I love you to me a week ago and he has a hard time giving me my own space. 

I think I’m struggling because it’s usually ME on the other side of this. I’m the one who wants to see the person 24/7 and I’m the one who internally is declaring love at first sight... but when the tables are turned I just want to run! I want to run and hide. I’m trying to stick it out, but my brain keeps telling me there has to be something seriously wrong with this whole thing if after two months he’s saying “I love you”. 

He’s been nothing but sweet and kind to me. I’m just questioning whether I can even handle being in a relationship, I’m feeling like I’m not capable. 😭

I’m not sure if any of this even makes sense. Fuck.",0.4114784946236547,2.549547972350233,2.4551440092165926,93.5646207757297,85.40552995391704,5.828648233486942,19.640745007680493,7.1686216300943375,0.3087943164362517,798,23,184,12,24,267,120,217,0.11599999999999999,0.752,0.132,0.5557,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,1,12,13,1,1,10,0,10,5,1,1,2,33,37,14,0,6,13,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,11,8,0,1,4,0,1,2,2,4,0,5,3,7,24,9,23,31,5,25,0,0,2,4,26,7,1,3,18,114,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933898502777166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838796618405349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153120686463917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519071311132096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769517869833553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293803490027675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062367556843769524,0.08811856685943263,0.0,0.13511975895126527,0.0,0.104918234870644,0.0,0.13524276773924487,0.0,0.1140315962392019,0.0,0.1183249372059648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049398877080968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963579104419977,0.0,0.1284461109587711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078220332915731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339743479511858,0.0,0.08233456212112747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690755793683634,0.0,0.18134733364075936,0.09145966196172774,0.0,0.1191285514716902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835402830943875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716518681353504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770116485215064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817599965720245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901874936495057,0.0,0.0,0.3972830496654951,0.0,0.0,0.11733050474292465,0.09808986784383432,0.0,0.0,0.0982909706021728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949579491581211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894825435117285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162523560978347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781003622163224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194575019785975,0.07903527964690114,0.0,0.0,0.07192417496549383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837439892358225,0.13416527162949998,0.2409826753018141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584843918604253,0.0,0.21825839559213095,0.09790649108161184,0.09894090052532832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771165381722386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348597324050511,0.0,0.0
bpd,LazySockMonster,2019/08/27,"Things feel bland, a rant Not sure where i want this post to go, i just need to get my thoughts out, so sorry in advance for the messiness...

Lately everything has felt so bland, food is bland, conversations are bland, work, school, everything.
Im not unmotivated, i still do everything i need to do and i do it efficiently. There's just no feeling of accomplishment. I don't want to talk or see anyone and noticed myself distancing from everyone, i dont want to be alone but don't want to partake in unfulfilling interactions with anyone.
I don't feel depressed. I dont feel manic. I just feel dull. Almost grey. I feel like I've forgotten how to be me, it's very frustrating.
This year has been surreal and I've felt completely alone for most of it despite not physically being alone. I've had a major dissociative episode which no one fully understood or tried to for that matter, and once it was over i was ultimately left feeling like a shell of myself. I reached out for help but my college counselor was just confusing me more. 
I just want to be me but i feel like im not who i was, if that makes ANY sense. 

I dont know, maybe im just looking for kind words. Answers to something that i dont know. Maybe just a place to vent. Im not really sure.

Sorry if this sounds pathetic, or depressing. Just getting my thoughts out there.",2.8712579214195197,4.996263228136883,4.2077043726235726,84.41343235107733,76.41444866920152,7.881432192648924,26.167458808618502,8.72156446121922,1.9737352344740176,1051,40,213,23,24,346,130,263,0.172,0.713,0.11599999999999999,-0.8749,0,3,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,3,15,11,1,1,5,0,24,1,0,2,2,61,52,15,0,9,21,0,10,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,13,8,1,0,16,0,0,2,14,5,0,1,11,14,26,6,27,37,3,15,0,3,3,0,5,9,0,8,6,132,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481922906878321,0.2631846634731917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576019020664865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845458307486105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881096020157456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459115649546757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39709174124315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093869175559736,0.2283805803706085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34263275007193883,0.18153853796379868,0.16265903017771374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242490635800948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850911425140931,0.0,0.048139467070695635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677557917884327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659811838849363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820660624901024,0.09310265483183867,0.0,0.0955502616693572,0.0,0.09203158711549024,0.0,0.0,0.12414688546702615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113036935559823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654085006928765,0.0,0.1701939257307272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561449046776002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964365299058994,0.0,0.0902074300492795,0.057397899016719274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849807792819964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112340838689519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054263812734358784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572538303150674,0.06749844644593236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520959154841552,0.0,0.1896392997703202,0.0,0.0,0.06764504963252098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966580417733087,0.0,0.0,0.06808219459094117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627384486403389,0.0,0.0,0.1344916767289356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750873287721859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989000754936975,0.2498042722201129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061665817836393425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054546861598071365
bpd,blingeeclown,2019/08/27,How to get over an impending breakup? I don't know what to do and all I want to do is hurt myself.,-0.3213043478260857,0.7998162173913066,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,82.47826086956522,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.031278260869564985,75,2,21,1,2,26,18,23,0.15,0.7929999999999999,0.057,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36323011861922505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7442604262242143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820814234144825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100659517272528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CryWitch,2019/08/27,"Bittersweet splitting I know I'm being petty and spiteful but I can't help but feel really smug about getting first dibs on an item a friend is getting rid of. (A pretty tarot deck called the Marigold Tarot if y'all are wondering) The reason this is so important is because the person who wants it after me is an ex-FP that I loathe with every fiber of my being. She's your typical rich daddy's girl with a crappy attitude to match. (Narcissistic abuse is not cool friends!) So of course she's offering the seller more money for the item to get what she wants. Thankfully my friend hasn't given in and I am really enjoying feeling like I've ""won"" right now but I also know my splitting is really bad as it's bringing up some ugly parts of myself. Kind of a bittersweet feeling all around.",4.060961538461541,5.631112147435896,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,71.75641025641026,8.533333333333335,26.461538461538463,9.075114841892004,2.1836000000000007,629,21,118,13,12,208,105,156,0.187,0.603,0.21,0.7637,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,6,13,1,0,11,1,12,0,0,1,1,21,28,10,0,3,5,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,7,0,3,1,3,3,0,1,2,4,15,10,17,24,6,9,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,3,4,79,21,0,0.0,0.2098890995231246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416636304355071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769753969729772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790955052907434,0.10798658653705734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088592093328187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925318552943093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687110932533717,0.12655317195355725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068033777522796,0.0,0.0,0.4105877913332673,0.0,0.27765449564748546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873726177109192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447034882968044,0.194709670218055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654461096927071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918319070258916,0.0,0.0,0.15467709610932726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022121578029807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34045288293974946,0.1821356407850784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128175692333395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309228050473018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897065739270865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210733230947208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tqa6991,2019/08/27,"Do I have BPD? Hi! I’m a 23 (F) who’s been in a relationship for about 10 months now. This person is my first in pretty much everything which explains the intensity of my emotions for him. But ever since getting into it and falling in love, sometimes I become a completely different person. I lose my shit over little things like late texts or not being able to meet. I would accuse him of hating me and wanting to leave me, even though he keeps reassuring me that he loves me. The number of times I’ve broken down over this person.. I’m embarrassed just thinking about it. The worst breakdown I ever had was recent; when we were on our trip, he said something in a harsh tone/using harsh words and I just.. yeah. Screaming, sobbing my heart out, pushing him away when he tried to hold me. When he went out for a bit, I actually took the time to pack up all his things nicely, told him to get out and broke up with him over text. The thing is, I was fully aware that I was acting irrationally. I WANTED him to hold me but I also kept pushing and kicking him away. Even now, I’m choosing to be completely cold towards him because he needed a break from me and I’m taking it as him hating me though he still keeps telling me that he loves me and wants to fight for us. I really don’t know what to do. I’m so tired of being sad all the fucking time and not being in control of my emotions.",2.755434782608696,4.325477882978723,4.046349059512797,87.89021739130438,75.13475177304964,6.464631514030219,23.253777366635827,7.079830092131019,0.7465422139993834,1081,31,225,11,23,355,156,282,0.155,0.7759999999999999,0.069,-0.9679,1,0,1,0,1,0,33.0,3,0,0,3,20,18,5,1,12,1,17,7,2,1,4,41,45,19,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,3,14,14,0,6,4,0,0,7,3,12,0,1,11,3,40,6,42,29,5,43,0,4,0,4,37,20,3,1,16,159,54,0,0.102253974503216,0.0,0.09978512880198584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817724664668784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214195008155807,0.0,0.0,0.06233307377008261,0.1129314811520338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163485661030592,0.0,0.12878530131672808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144226936066896,0.0,0.1146865272372907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683363970679632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300439166148317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507557155834524,0.1849891481773592,0.0,0.0,0.09189927890915267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697717847596845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453215172962964,0.10684696260154243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019092602323945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117145212000273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177606164957427,0.0,0.0,0.0561961102145104,0.0,0.11534693710925754,0.10827219469053767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995612689451398,0.10248534553519004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439604191538555,0.0,0.0,0.2768646127525838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161814688864577,0.0,0.07516843675296436,0.07582002643872834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678526792496459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040290530371775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550651442942007,0.0,0.10096346381052554,0.10978250113476742,0.0,0.0,0.0972669456771064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496223539845354,0.08458554437247677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872010524977624,0.10113179541103848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816601561251119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688226316227686,0.0,0.0893744807421766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379899115994232,0.06552021802713354,0.20092802155524803,0.0,0.178875344512517,0.11752590152413478,0.0,0.09770805463563184,0.11360792808472975,0.06942373656051393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459978822551236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093613041336884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479045880321434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726382896772313,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,faryville,2019/08/27,"I need answers I’m waiting in emergency for the second time because I want to die. My best friend/FP/ex boyfriend won’t answer any texts even though he was online and I stated the severity of the situation. I won’t lie about killing myself. Feeling even more devastated since he lives next to the hospital. I’m in a safe space, I’ll be ok,  but am I wrong being upset that he isn’t there for me? I’m all alone at the hospital and I’m upset.",1.3105376344086042,3.274709731182796,3.5389247311827963,88.09505376344086,80.72043010752688,6.713978494623658,23.23655913978495,7.793537801064563,1.1375720430107528,347,12,75,6,9,119,65,93,0.24100000000000002,0.669,0.08900000000000001,-0.9477,0,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,2,6,1,7,0,0,0,1,11,15,4,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,8,3,9,10,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25543679927838264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771849813021775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503448297198143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588255012852869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255965506311789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257967652959384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247047584165762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905475903770424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728622231969373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778093907014334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287480906731046,0.0,0.0,0.2622963690597227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786244254058736,0.0,0.20401688054635084,0.27722516554701765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423150934132324,0.0,0.14381334330365853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547018712996804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696538264569856,0.0,0.0
bpd,bean5459,2019/08/27,"For parents who have BPD... If you feel comfortable answering, as your children get older and gain more independence does that translate into feelings of abandonment? Do you ever feel this intense fear that your children are going to abandon you? I know that if I have a child they will be my whole world. My fp i guess. And part of me is reluctant to have children because if anything happened where they might be upset with me or not talk to me, I think I would totally break down and the fear of abandonment would just be too much. I know people talk about how those with BPD shouldn’t have kids all the time, but I can’t help my desire to have some one day. What is your experience??? Thank you ❤️",5.193008921330089,5.9895031751824845,5.247396593673964,84.55378751013791,68.34306569343065,8.424655312246554,29.09083536090835,8.515128840125781,1.9494256285482563,553,19,111,8,9,173,91,137,0.096,0.7859999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.7182,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,7,2,1,6,8,0,3,3,0,18,0,0,2,3,35,29,10,0,7,7,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,7,6,0,3,7,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,3,22,2,14,21,7,10,0,3,0,0,19,4,0,7,4,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402568597445238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389809547341064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293241684545165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991912161707243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491524079532333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417192684713246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667221478239306,0.0,0.3835827524302105,0.2585373954016285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904739691135789,0.0,0.09686447023227827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877578878683198,0.0,0.1507187362518709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142417383061809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733774772082035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080895443807168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529235197278116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549394746176565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925245421648135,0.1845689398116394,0.0,0.11816101401231703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27398499038710283,0.0,0.15691742719399493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092104954286579,0.0,0.0,0.09938441182686486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028917221359534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24215009783562086,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,californiacandy,2019/08/27,"DAE ever just wish someone would make all your decisions for you and plan out your life so you wouldn't have to? My entire life I've always been made to feel like every decision I make is the wrong one. No matter what I did (and still do) it's like every choice made someone mad at me. So naturally as a result I second guess everything I do. I struggle with confidence so I find decisions terrifying and I don't feel capable of making good ones. Couple that with BPD and it's a recipe for disaster. I don't think I know who I am, I don't know what I like and don't like, I don't know what I want to do or where I want to live or anything. I have no clear goals, aspirations, or ideas of what I want. 

I always wish that someone would literally just sit me down and read me a list of the things they've planned for my life. I wish that they'd outline all the steps and then help me with them. I just don't know what it's like to feel confident in making decisions. I would do anything for a fucking wizard to just come out of the sky and tell me what to do. I feel so lost.",1.7629359267734586,3.152574117391307,3.547574370709384,91.18902745995425,77.3913043478261,7.102974828375287,21.670480549199084,7.85451343220497,0.6966956521739127,837,22,196,13,19,281,104,230,0.129,0.713,0.157,0.7576,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,2,4,11,11,2,1,8,0,22,4,0,7,4,59,47,17,0,10,7,0,4,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,14,14,0,0,15,1,0,2,9,5,0,3,5,4,35,6,24,37,2,13,0,1,0,1,9,7,1,4,8,132,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070143042211612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787110147076852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675794168426664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353563458149312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201463018790817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822058449218136,0.1829736670727886,0.0,0.097588436703464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961364483356294,0.0775725418184441,0.0,0.0,0.09924395023389143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003843013243756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910752372274632,0.0,0.0,0.11961768829502582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278167004400136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257829375487116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387000468228244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23008859905242005,0.2652436659603624,0.0,0.0958817979597498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853243174528452,0.0,0.0,0.20548990527657726,0.2899230657454007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715886681823484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086135391208401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27600900574168136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671544621245983,0.0,0.0,0.1135157346468007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949073372538096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721384875018175,0.0695763418999066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921372432929524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745992573630093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140520421564625,0.11871972734535195,0.0,0.0
bpd,Optombo,2019/08/27,"Would you leave/stop fantasying about your FP if your favourite character from a movie/show was real and loved you? Kinda just a joke but I also thought about this bc it could also help you realise if you love someone or if it’s just infatuation 
Or hey maybe you do love them but nothing can top that character 😂 haha idk I’m bored",0.3148575305291708,2.68546892537314,1.9317232021709645,92.06168249660787,98.55223880597015,4.824423337856175,19.523744911804613,6.574015621080383,0.3565343283582094,266,9,55,4,11,86,50,67,0.077,0.612,0.312,0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,7,1,1,6,6,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,0,0,15,10,10,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,5,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,13,1,0,6,0,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907568579855568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950654594704046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375903678609674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6615108412463512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454470191903748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344266058521197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780836894388963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700710722548776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425808290772365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939586328789461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355419904826025,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ishadawn,2019/08/27,"I FORGOT I HAVE BPD! So I've been learning about bpd and lurking in this subreddit because something about bpd seemed to match my experience. Well I never had an official diagnosis or so I thought. I had some traumatic years and have trouble remembering most of my past. It's more a story I've been told and can recite than a working memory when I think of my life and very often people tell me things I've said done or experienced I have absolutely no clue about.  Today I was talking with my mother about possibly going back to therapy for numerous reasons one being to get a concrete diagnosis.  I said from the research I've done I might have Bpd. ....
Good lord
She slapped the table and smiled in disbelief. 
Huh? 
You got diagnosed by the doctor you had during middle and high school only they couldn't officially  diagnose you that way because you were too young.  They said it's the same way you can't diagnose schizophrenia too young but they still know it when they see it.
Well. Snack me dead I guess my intuition / self awareness were steering me right after all.
The reason it wasn't addressed, I'm 32 now, is because of no continuation of care so every doctor who saw me after had a different opinion and none ever saw me as long or intensively as that doctor did. Also my coping skill of just disassociating away from everything didn't help clear things up either. One observant dr at a
voluntary unit last year diagnosed me probable 
Bpd and got the ball really rolling and I'm so glad to finally have the relief of a diagnosis. Even if it's really my first time second time diagnosis 

So hello everyone with BPD. I'm officially one of you. Please if anyone can share any advice or experiences with their bpd I'd really appreciate it. I've been focusing on just my depression so long and not made progress now I know why but I feel sad I wasted time and am so behind compared to where I could be :(",3.551418496553936,5.906784844686651,5.178288988619972,77.16234933482929,75.21253405994551,8.677320083346691,26.59793236095529,9.325443323948027,2.6204304215419145,1526,58,277,40,34,515,203,367,0.111,0.8059999999999999,0.083,-0.8957,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,6,5,4,28,10,0,0,14,1,30,10,0,3,4,51,54,31,1,4,12,1,1,0,0,1,9,3,1,1,13,14,1,1,10,1,0,1,9,3,2,5,26,8,41,7,35,23,7,38,1,2,3,0,24,10,0,13,25,192,54,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698687377672368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717833207810742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048622288493704695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049994294502805764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717637795815078,0.0549789018676858,0.0,0.13075676980779008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6303601114826047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289877032299859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708674021009585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158263834417607,0.29028300454637723,0.0,0.0747020310405133,0.0,0.21954910157169216,0.0,0.14633815691894952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722491701611788,0.06467562617556354,0.060241631388956524,0.06832108454164,0.06425937377508993,0.13988096962087276,0.0,0.0,0.03615242688114717,0.0,0.0,0.07832449197778454,0.0,0.06081765915829529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037355673450565896,0.0,0.040634961205671366,0.05997060623522421,0.114369779075241,0.0,0.07876504637141524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792478184217841,0.0755434218355357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858879620916641,0.058281847180982525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050502394844256636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655007490955988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765480151249664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584994613206213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514502257639812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535026300184548,0.05437878922875912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825461109340741,0.04956893078441978,0.0,0.0,0.07848526528303079,0.0,0.0806052361356415,0.0,0.0,0.07708883412925467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741373094726836,0.1470273226805268,0.0,0.0,0.08099528980567271,0.06106040419922655,0.20403793454370775,0.0,0.0,0.07236157410531671,0.056976051453697864,0.06509069597669359,0.07458984298724551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550440082545195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709980053448655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746879856266523,0.06249394154271341,0.0,0.08176620659457917,0.0,0.09500252670374827,0.04581415904463248,0.0,0.056762822678741186,0.1250762547717121,0.0,0.06777341204079028,0.06832108454164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058994789893748616,0.0,0.11350636257515224,0.0,0.0,0.12857374166825872,0.0,0.06451741214124752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205267669078986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208700219608501
bpd,Anonbinarypunk,2019/08/27,"I'm scared and lost I've had bpd all my life but didn't know it until about over a year ago. I wish finally knowing what's wrong with me would help my self healing journey but it makes scared. Having this is very isolating, it makes you feel so alone in this universe and sometimes makes you turn into a person you don't want to be. I need help.... I know I need help. I want it. I want to be put on meds, i want to stop cutting, I want to be a functioning human being without relying on my parent for everything. I'm 22, and I'm so lost. I thought I knew my path. I thought I had all the steps right to get to where I need and I still believe I do but... Why does it have to be so impossible. I have to jump through so many hoops just the mental attention I need... Why. It's fucking easier to leave this planet than these hoops. I didn't want this brain. I didn't ask for this. I only wanted to be happy and feel safe with a normal path like most people but I know i will never be like them. I know I'm just whining. But this pain is real. Time is flying by and I have nothing to show for it besides my stupid art.",0.11929460580912732,2.0144261078838213,2.221882157676351,96.30268215767636,84.60165975103735,5.183800829875518,18.76863070539419,6.360717304075467,-0.2048517510373445,856,22,204,8,25,287,121,241,0.175,0.705,0.121,-0.6628,1,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,1,2,9,14,3,2,6,0,23,5,1,3,3,52,58,16,0,14,8,1,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,15,9,0,2,11,2,0,4,6,10,0,0,10,2,34,4,27,39,3,19,0,3,0,1,12,7,1,1,10,128,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122746969961562,0.0,0.0,0.10658835534891828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621113865074522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594936752141607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961717447318938,0.11488658632870034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006114775399005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092492891242556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407329829811196,0.0,0.0,0.1127377733789554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514277078818978,0.05376856384951277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955436886126883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694420320371204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827955111303781,0.0,0.0,0.10897156590319416,0.0,0.0,0.07269153493726083,0.1005576249694256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468660608727908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608862710482814,0.10433912128616624,0.0,0.0,0.1143147777037662,0.0,0.10371358177866548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052391071027907,0.07937398508704888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083433150051656,0.09874921125968332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827109326713097,0.1095082539483366,0.0,0.11427434176818653,0.0,0.0,0.07134793656875643,0.08986094713305863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345746927334036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713919969304305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788839655662624,0.0,0.0,0.2060706795865553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073622388441798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017850440737898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218763007701774,0.08604110658530158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340518981778554,0.06001025609180345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119413926259889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849152172664835,0.4249113530078757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857286068587499,0.0,0.11834656352473776,0.0992058782524032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310748796846439,0.11252081907066523,0.0,0.06627354562142702
bpd,Echinodermos,2019/08/27,"Getting back with your FP/SO Dear All,

Have you ever got back with a romantic partner who never stopped loving you unconditionally no matter what, who did their best to understand your needs, who were always their for you? What did it take? Did your partner try to reach our after you had cut them off? How did you feel if they did? We are assuming here that the relationship was lasting one (1 year +) and the memories you made together were really great.",5.507713178294573,6.8166672906976755,5.9162790697674446,78.17503875968997,67.95348837209303,9.454263565891472,28.286821705426355,9.725611199111238,2.5457193798449613,361,12,68,8,6,116,65,86,0.07400000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.187,0.8827,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,9,4,1,5,5,1,0,3,0,11,1,0,2,3,16,19,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,11,1,15,4,7,8,2,9,0,0,0,1,22,1,0,2,8,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720757391037112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38296753541355216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613348918579628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252560920313846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591380831152246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301045465541131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991669118985313,0.27454938467612383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298746078965352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247535105163269,0.2356321399114961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464783498467394,0.19206234272587905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687448278720093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595308869558288,0.0,0.0,0.26735813881730564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081948699359992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872347466550748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690706697762034,0.0,0.0,0.2592423371846595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036302598190422
bpd,olivia19961,2019/08/27,"Tips for coping with the feeling that everyone hates me or thinks I’m weird? (23 f)I never have any true evidence that anyone hates me or thinks I’m weird. it’s just this feeling  I get that I’m being judged that feels so real. This makes me so self conscious and shy, especially when meeting new people. I can never be myself around anyone I don’t know super super super well (why I only have a couple close friends).  I wish I could just be myself and have people like me, have a large group of friends and not have this fear hindering me.",3.148333333333333,4.926334944444445,4.058518518518522,87.33833333333334,74.55555555555556,6.2814814814814826,21.259259259259263,6.937597516519254,0.5056592592592595,426,10,84,4,9,137,67,108,0.142,0.6509999999999999,0.207,0.8324,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,2,1,3,0,11,0,0,1,3,25,25,8,0,2,5,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,3,13,8,4,21,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,5,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244000477166831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25582064581415903,0.0,0.0,0.16284828309407112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460563339597906,0.2024108025141383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479938604979425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058493824663548,0.2774877798895189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826656522621496,0.0,0.09557443106243138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612149976581352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053465500377236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893713455165056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210854493038507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28217690496940256,0.1766768864146281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912804568441778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536440610213222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821668953452205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908379945545884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344309059821359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447785670058235,0.0,0.16506769626788034,0.0,0.21036279690727133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SheWhoIsAlwaysHigh,2019/09/29,"Why are we so stigmatized as being evil? I’m reading up on parenting advice for those with BPD, and every single article I come across seems hell bent as depicting parents with BPD as evil and manipulative and unable to raise children in a healthy way. 

There’s a whole damn book on healing from your childhood when you have a parent with BPD.

I’m not evil. I would never hurt any child, especially my own. I don’t want to hurt anyone, period. Why are we always the bad guys?",3.425080645161291,5.426354451612905,4.677083333333336,82.23562500000001,74.3763440860215,7.660752688172043,24.528225806451612,8.472884824447931,1.667087096774193,376,12,72,7,8,124,70,93,0.228,0.6829999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9572,3,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,2,0,0,3,8,5,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,1,15,11,8,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,9,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,8,0,15,9,3,12,1,2,0,0,10,6,2,1,4,45,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715783699261906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530552515149604,0.0,0.0,0.10240847384708188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529819882412113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573895041936553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5690002230094363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972262349261346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268811839944608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911084781924572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224260620157207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161466845198573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016474569410102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063385526397813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709430475450848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888237136649233,0.11953379533708985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27177370373275617,0.1681318210985485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697701938236144,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boynebarbie,2019/09/29,Life long battle It is exhausting to think I will battle these thoughts of being not good enough and fears of abandonment for a lifetime.  Will I ever know the difference btw real and imagined fears?  Will I ever be able to trust my thoughts and be able to handle them appropriately.  I feel exhausted by the thought that I may never be able to trust my thoughts.  I’m feeling very lonely and misunderstood at the moment.,5.359230769230769,7.251840307692309,5.515897435897441,78.67076923076927,69.0,8.276923076923078,29.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4752666666666667,336,13,59,6,6,106,51,78,0.29,0.623,0.087,-0.9514,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,11,2,2,4,0,9,3,0,0,3,20,18,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,9,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,4,2,8,3,9,6,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,42,11,0,0.5008824000607838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744385002263366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251513785603165,0.0,0.0,0.3020512046090408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37575463577645335,0.16884079420195305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003879765549168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175728928899814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792935067177353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775505406795492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877046178245735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003794279395256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698173907135614,0.0,0.5301929020549995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776014556621935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WorryBox,2019/09/29,"How do you guys respond to being ignored? This isn't in my head, my favourite person is ignoring me 100%. I feel abandoned and I'm upset I'm also confused because he tells me he loves me. I feel like an idiot for posting this but I'd like some advice on what to do now? Thank you x",-0.16318501170960076,1.9135633606557363,2.3167681498829045,93.97360655737705,87.52459016393442,4.141451990632318,21.82903981264637,5.288315135182226,0.027110538641685892,219,8,48,1,7,75,45,61,0.17300000000000001,0.6659999999999999,0.16,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,3,10,1,2,1,0,5,2,1,1,0,10,11,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,9,4,5,10,1,4,0,1,0,1,9,2,0,2,3,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002368706463112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457042168000439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729408238677728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107052412833213,0.21949633722373094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304221475686097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31532265353012995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30020938742142195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773011739168343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682750303632039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942563800020117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685462202801696,0.2828704934665001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IdealPail,2019/09/29,"How do I explain to my boyfriend how sensitive I really am? I hide my emotions from him but need to be honest. Kinda a rant tbh. 

My boyfriend knows I have mental illness. He knows I'm diagnosed bipolar(I am heavily contesting this diagnosis), and have mood swings. He knows I'm sensitive and I take things personally. 

What he doesn't know is I split on him when I'm alone, convince myself I hate him and he doesn't love me and hurts me on purpose. He doesn't know that I freak out when he's late, and use it as fuel to split on him. He doesn't know that sends me into a suicidal spiral. He doesn't know I cut myself when he went to see a friend without telling me, because I wanted to hang out but didn't even ask him.

He doesn't know I have thrown full on adult tantrums, say hurtful things and have a short temper when I'm agitated. He doesn't know that I scream and cry on my way home from work. He doesn't know how sensitive my emotional trigger is. 

He doesn't know how scared I am of being abandoned by all those who love me, and how I plan on dying alone. 

I've been hiding it all from him because I'm scared he'll think I'm too crazy. That he'll think it's too much and leave me for someone easier to deal with. 

The silly thing is he's diagnosed with BPD himself. He struggles with similar issues as me, but from what he's told me, he isn't as dramatic as I am. He doesn't throw tantrums or want to hurt himself over trivial bullshit.

I bet he'd understand, and accept me. But what if he doesn't? What if him finding out is the last straw? 

I can't imagine how hurt I would be to know that simply being in a relationship with him can cause him the level of distress I feel. I love him so much but relationships are stressful for me. Loving somebody as much as I do is dangerous, and I don't want to hurt him, or make him leave me.",3.0184662236987805,3.952223005167959,4.28356127722407,88.96904069767444,73.47028423772609,7.595754891103728,25.70773348098929,7.957251820313856,1.239922185308231,1441,46,324,20,28,475,165,387,0.258,0.643,0.099,-0.9975,0,2,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,2,14,29,6,5,8,0,39,7,0,10,2,69,80,37,2,7,10,0,1,0,1,3,3,2,1,2,18,19,0,1,20,0,1,4,16,19,0,0,4,4,55,9,41,68,6,26,0,6,1,4,53,15,0,6,6,200,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524251624662648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457742728818426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725833567346603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004718948360487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194932991353238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762741264285594,0.0,0.08224294634433596,0.0,0.16193678884451818,0.08279226887979815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946883659459942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268962560856486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033586414897314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291150779407155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616327862461175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875978761971701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001929631313702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269957561340126,0.0,0.0,0.08326277851750624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5260969646014012,0.06502602655063383,0.08998795061557481,0.16893717601921535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879946906144611,0.0,0.0532494117222223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039289641891861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592804136537826,0.05915101836104384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965511836618453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051104928602391006,0.0,0.0,0.17129370814956568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343906646288462,0.15973432326667514,0.0,0.06356912853282662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759180358413487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138024215372896,0.08339655315960548,0.0,0.08725923013608135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997972268745515,0.0,0.06972553030776699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899384943904993,0.1022312389372354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622697069941918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304699726396736,0.0,0.06889866632777814,0.0,0.0,0.1411573811690286,0.06332046858053351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395080735894742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689877986774822,0.0,0.05807603739833628,0.0,0.0,0.056668785388579626,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tweethearts,2019/09/29,"I (F21) took my 100mg Zoloft after along time bc I was having a fight/breakdown with my FP so basically me and my fp play fight a lot but this weekend, he kind of took it too far and we got in a fight. In a breakdown I took my medication after like two months and now I’m freaking out because I feel so bad. I can’t go to the hospital or anything please help??",0.08193037974683293,1.8941369873417744,2.6004905063291157,94.00681170886078,84.18987341772151,5.468987341772152,21.26740506329114,6.6274283507984215,0.2152139240506328,278,9,67,3,8,96,57,79,0.182,0.6829999999999999,0.135,-0.7225,0,0,0,0,3,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,10,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,4,0,1,5,1,11,3,9,5,1,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,7,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807832112362292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342899055330047,0.13391880707456716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110800585214205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248528593552168,0.0,0.1757033047120927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725118148103053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287696078570137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073276916273296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186769544496677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131096340003087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535161040318056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114972666619586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281009224761715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7322391123902405,0.0,0.0,0.2146017178629319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnorexicTrashh,2019/09/29,how do you stick with it? I just get so tired of everything. I have no energy and just don't want to do anything. I can't keep hobbies at all and am getting tired of my job. I want to do stuff I just have no willpower to get up and do it. Any advice?,-1.6585714285714277,0.16517371929824698,1.2488721804511298,100.61210526315791,92.50877192982456,4.660651629072682,16.914786967418543,6.1826913282559595,-0.5652686716791981,190,5,50,2,7,66,35,57,0.24600000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.035,-0.8907,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,12,15,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,15,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513071820089581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748869479349514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163205830038995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113115618142435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030879615222154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25520523377399795,0.22858781806495546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944023802382755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5911667169312711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30337544547929257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Safirpreach,2019/09/29,On to the next one😌😍 That BPD feel when you talk with a new tinder match for 4 days so you forget your old hookup that had you all kinds of abandoned😍😍😍 Just to start acting weird and feel them drifting away like everyone else that came before 😍😍😍😛😝😋😋😛😜🥰🥰😘😘 Love this disorder😍😍😍😍 not like I’d already planned out our whole life together😘😘😝😝😜🥰😌😛🥺😌😌😌😍I really don’t mind🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗,-3.668820992092023,-2.360437925233644,1.0742056074766353,102.02095614665708,96.47663551401868,4.7876347951114315,14.772825305535585,6.297961479604792,-0.8607780014378146,310,7,96,4,13,122,69,107,0.055,0.816,0.129,0.7447,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,4,1,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,7,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,2,6,4,8,5,2,12,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,8,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24946094918143985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238920898595934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235895856619706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847125082686837,0.0,0.0,0.25855046619283617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578889856093752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888426978161227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160083878279588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286037318949535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354049268446029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967165868261599,0.2208813280103459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402643661371264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228254435382276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183285094034352,0.2404155606847247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23721015288931094,0.0,0.15318295072956986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481873195506026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000522430188538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169709411397245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523860127061258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tearsofbloodx,2019/09/29,"You can’t be “you” if you have a favourite person. Your favourite person takes away from you. 

Over the years, I can’t remember NOT having a favourite person. My FP grounded me, gave me purpose. Their hobbies were my hobbies; their life gave me purpose. I loved loving them, caring for them and making them the centre of my world. Obviously there was the inevitable fallout when it ended badly (which it open does, because the borderline/favourite person dynamic isn’t healthy or realistic) but I just fixed that by finding another favourite person. 

Most of my formative years have been spent suffering from disassociation, feeling like I’m floating around with no personality and just having no clue who I am. I get obsessed with TV characters, swing high and low, split on people and engage in a load of harmful behaviour, all whilst revolving around a favourite person like I was in a fucking orbit. 

I did therapy, DBT, medication. It helped, but not a lot. 

At one point, I was eating healthily, sleeping well, not spending much. I was being textbook healthy. So why I was still a mental mess? That week coincided with one of the worst breakups of my life and some behaviour I’m not proud of. I don’t like to reflect on it, but I do realise how harmful it was. I had this sudden epiphany- If I had a favourite person, I would NEVER have any sense of self because they were pretty much my sense of self. 

From then on, I didn’t date. I blocked contact with anyone who had ever been a favourite person. Romantic relationships were a no-go. Luckily for me, I was also working in a very female orientated environment (I’m female and straight) and had exam revision, so no classes. It wasn’t hard to not come into contact with anyone I could favourite person. 

Six months on, and it has helped a LOT. I still have BPD, and all the symptoms, but being without a favourite person has given me some clarity. I’ve been able to reflect a lot. I’m now a hell of a lot more self aware, and it has helped me with identifying what is BPD and what is ‘me.’ Being away from a favourite person has also allowed me to develop a bit more of a sense of self. I’ve picked up some of my own hobbies, I feel like I know who I am better. I have more of a ‘personality.’ I can hang out with my friends without disassociating all the time and I’ve even managed to drink alcohol and hold it together. I am actually functioning fairly well socially and being ‘normal.’ 

The only caveat is that as soon as I try dating someone, they do become my favourite person and I lose this sense of self again. So I still need to try and how to prevent the whole borderline/favourite person dynamic happening in the first place and it’s SO much harder now I’m back at university and around guys again, but hey it’s an improvement on last years drinking/self-harming/impulsive sex/drug taking behaviour. 

(Will add, this is just my experience.
Maybe some people can have an FP and “them,” but I can’t.)",4.0530319148936185,6.0557389485815625,4.907021276595747,81.25500000000002,72.63475177304964,7.7078014184397174,29.375886524822697,8.464757390353514,2.275424822695036,2333,98,434,41,47,756,248,564,0.08,0.797,0.12300000000000001,0.9683,1,0,4,0,0,0,78.0,0,5,8,5,29,26,2,1,32,0,56,11,1,5,6,86,79,40,0,5,19,0,3,4,1,2,5,0,0,20,23,34,3,3,7,2,2,2,18,11,2,4,24,3,60,15,59,47,22,56,1,3,0,3,49,28,2,12,30,319,83,5,0.056001587794494496,0.0,0.05464947136126818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059848666181933415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895688990528817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03808300007652897,0.05872254767091796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783152245753662,0.0,0.0,0.14955985848956585,0.0,0.0,0.10523067038493776,0.0430617642422496,0.046758986620518014,0.06827609626315688,0.06184935389772074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04952885348346999,0.06113922958751325,0.0,0.1410640787972959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709735106666295,0.0,0.0,0.048240409165491216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044712710963231386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900736686700263,0.0,0.0,0.05486023601146335,0.06494406251419559,0.05730360512548751,0.0,0.0,0.04960078463402914,0.0,0.0,0.036988520574710214,0.050656642311528464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478029872520667,0.0,0.0,0.05663217089667402,0.0800150910200664,0.0,0.0,0.051184436689862736,0.047634921969572634,0.0,0.0,0.043266687812081546,0.051772565518446695,0.02925851824232592,0.0,0.03182699290070839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545037647364027,0.049522019138587614,0.0,0.05016642283101391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261005150752745,0.0591687522054099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030777008083808163,0.045648768484868416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911115524592127,0.10943818818770877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265145209065344,0.0,0.19044218922859305,0.10108723886499488,0.0,0.037381494712281034,0.0,0.05626112206457037,0.0,0.0,0.056415708037105584,0.05643642878282944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044699933091252975,0.0,0.1235028319626924,0.0415244677560753,0.043191876895491414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054869665775671206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589625044406638,0.04259173104590736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764889943841,0.6845779693230076,0.05850973991487616,0.0,0.05293960177864685,0.0,0.0,0.05697374772123299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060124747282116725,0.06343888211405943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505312173727904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604203147145309,0.05708656631023953,0.04744996360625385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416882105864994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058207092343475535,0.08421244907573278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404269622977557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0326549761958091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604280414338713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620717489118858,0.0,0.0,0.04492109576504099,0.0,0.10070430589514263,0.0,0.0505327224947608,0.0625237728405561,0.0,0.10796706442514388,0.0,0.04076982289008355,0.0,0.0,0.039781921205160116,0.0,0.0,0.10818955936642778
bpd,runaway352,2019/09/29,DAE only keep certain people around because they might be useful to you in the future? I know it’s not right but it’s the truth.,-0.2616666666666667,2.028665703703705,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,95.66666666666666,2.7,14.157407407407408,3.1291,-1.3289925925925925,102,2,21,0,4,33,24,27,0.0,0.765,0.235,0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,9,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660032480454756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506281422891728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654416017724211,0.0,0.0,0.2259527062453363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361563333146824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126917622171119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28503386224717464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35111273460733106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35509439120792285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilylilacpeony,2019/09/29,"r/bpdlovedones I joined the group with the intent to gain insight on how to better communicate with my s/o ( I have bpd). I feel sad after reading through it though, for example the last post I just read was ""What's the difference between bpd and a tyrant"". Idk it just has left me feeling really bad. I was only recently diagnosed and I am in a new relationship that I really want to make work, but reading through that sub has left me feeling like there really isn't hope and that I am a monster. Idk.",4.270257142857143,5.294699340000001,5.557428571428571,80.66300000000003,70.6,9.314285714285717,30.285714285714285,9.606745405546679,2.7469714285714293,394,16,79,9,7,132,67,100,0.11199999999999999,0.767,0.121,-0.0198,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,7,0,8,1,0,3,0,17,14,6,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,11,3,12,12,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,53,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385090643410882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417798462402003,0.0,0.0,0.4038059029283007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270975914054409,0.0,0.16748826886238816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431703921228137,0.1145244287302837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922251790843925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067282849580128,0.0,0.0,0.34835132168943617,0.0,0.0,0.07831863854489328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700717258284392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548269540575386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192184260449475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353123540108088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810556633287084,0.0,0.3080932016667401,0.0,0.15828530993032844,0.17211134167954062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750229323176484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455411029948146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670650164606385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IcedCaramelPie,2019/09/29,"For those struggling with a sense of self... I think I've been subconsciously doing this, but I've found that creating a ""character"" of ""me"" has helped me find a sense of identity in myself. 

Like, say you're writing a character for a book. Imagine that character is you, and start listing all the traits you want this character to have. You don't have to fake it, you can apply it to life and eventually it becomes you. I'm probably a little younger than most people on here, considering I'm 18, but I strongly suspect I have BPD or am at least at risk of developing it.  

I've kinda found I've just started to expect other people to leave. I expect others to say rude things, treat me poorly, ect. And it's made dealing with emotions a lot easier. I'm not saying automatically write people off, but I'm saying expecting the behavior from others and being proved wrong has made a difference. Maybe I'm just lucky. 

But learning to love myself has been very difficult. I still doubt myself, but I keep choosing to trust people rather than question them. Trusting my gut has helped me a lot. Taking a step back and judging people by their actions and character has helped me a lot and it helps me control myself. If I think someone doesn't like me, I just ask them. 

But I just want to say that, I think for people with BPD, investing in yourself is very important. Become who you want to be, not who other people want you to be. Try to do what you think is right regardless of what others think, and trust your gut. Don't be scared to give people second chances, and trust that others aren't out to get you. Communication goes a long way too. 

I had to learn how to be alone before I could start building friendships, or even a relationship. I had to teach myself I was worth something, whether other people liked it or not. Spending time with myself and treating myself right, learning whether my emotions were driving my actions... It's hard and a lot of work but it's doable and I can say I'm much happier in the end. But I'm still not done learning yet. 

That's not to say that functioning isn't difficult. I just mean that stopping, observing, and thinking through things has helped deal with the intensive emotions. I really hope I'm making sense. 

I just wanted to post this somewhere, because I know how hard it can be, and I hope what I've said in my post can help someone else.",4.699816741933375,5.952672866090715,5.300824661299824,82.04780613914524,69.79913606911447,8.11752078015577,28.50114536291642,8.484438967287268,2.0171733621310293,1879,67,360,29,33,605,204,463,0.077,0.742,0.18100000000000002,0.9948,0,1,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,10,3,3,16,23,1,4,18,0,38,4,2,6,2,97,76,30,0,14,26,0,2,3,0,0,1,8,0,1,35,20,0,3,20,1,4,4,10,9,0,1,12,10,51,14,47,57,8,30,0,0,0,1,39,12,0,15,14,247,86,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698438361005765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630439880320443,0.0,0.0,0.051854476110413626,0.0,0.04110864086609488,0.1489565465126578,0.0573834616086189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698677244824782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563572555024899,0.0538425269673435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904806088353375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045674890546384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901091331596508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563345101313299,0.2275708266793641,0.059728688480894215,0.0,0.0,0.04454114665880336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163570388403601,0.0,0.0,0.1478811980542906,0.0,0.0,0.03523276767499972,0.0646911985247666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120819646849649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712074309282631,0.0,0.0,0.13395924431684006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994062529282813,0.0,0.0,0.037061315496823316,0.0,0.0,0.07140547542600865,0.0,0.0,0.04763236692636425,0.09883814588427847,0.06758905038412939,0.0,0.059679146120102826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293282712759809,0.06086403918919781,0.1276200203935504,0.04501436154879347,0.0,0.06774898941971266,0.07345807599641674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049573558370331665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207675608052068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917097746932166,0.0,0.07270791107023862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554427017884409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432015238972728,0.0,0.0,0.07240152201024412,0.0,0.1151807389118472,0.06414751745968371,0.3753972649092272,0.06751566211460383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035093644776781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427738958481408,0.051915882531168064,0.0,0.0,0.14319562313620013,0.0,0.1077096901589878,0.05637990122451985,0.0,0.07049923134236243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070382630204195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960357671828867,0.25926336849171217,0.0,0.0,0.03932274287476449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578493055509023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128428612657652,0.19887886037032584,0.05352792404528366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909454696715393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373118404302241,0.0,0.0
bpd,yeyeku,2019/09/29,"I hit a new low Now, my mum is a super accepting person. She is very open minded about everything. So naturally I (23F) was in complete shock when she told me she did not want to hear about me getting rejected by the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She said it made her nauseous and that she does not need that kind of detail with regards to my love life. Again, my mum is extremely chill and have had no problem hearing about my damn sex life before. Granted these conversations was about heterosexual situations. 

Anyways, this sent me into the worst rage of my entire life. My mum is all I have and I love her with my entire being, I would kill for her without hesitation. Except her saying she felt disgusted with me pursuing another woman made her unrecognisable to me and so I became threatening enough towards her that she almost called the police on me. She would have if it wasn’t for me laughing in her face, telling her I could simply leave the house before they showed up. I then proceeded to cut myself in front of her because she did not want to grab me tissues as per my request (more like demand). 

Personally, I still think, now two days later, that my reaction was somewhat justified. She hurt me deeply, betrayed my trust and she should have known better. 

What do you guys think of this?",6.033629032258062,6.9003607500000035,6.299354838709679,77.50653225806455,66.5,9.264516129032256,30.01612903225807,9.354420925462401,2.576559677419355,1038,36,190,19,16,333,149,248,0.165,0.706,0.128,-0.8305,1,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,1,2,13,20,5,0,6,0,22,7,1,2,2,37,40,11,1,9,6,3,2,1,0,3,3,4,0,5,10,10,0,0,5,1,0,2,6,11,0,1,14,7,52,9,29,20,6,22,0,3,1,3,42,9,1,4,12,146,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293804051931413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392084225469354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092809351291044,0.0,0.22593469641984626,0.0,0.0,0.11741373352244346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556084319263148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919432132850298,0.0,0.0,0.1059965244673998,0.0,0.0,0.08561797896824719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617749067983747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717458538439065,0.0,0.0,0.1200872841422138,0.0,0.0,0.11931440225074415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274685763004392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936061755018287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145137165688806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992560100415492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318500018346656,0.14212027069040953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687714606598218,0.13824711123102792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405716382459133,0.0,0.0,0.2813128746397489,0.06485889214727697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396387013193295,0.25123781100355064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340478159919721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984384343441406,0.0,0.12821858118681614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23183846993710486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703155344216446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262833356254303,0.105574553945009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492256445621177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602077438933853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160364136998838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013203459352252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685603491468087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968535391427366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953931976862016,0.15660831076578205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127974051891239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188615062408114,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thoughts90,2019/09/29,"I feel extremely unlikable and people will always naturally gravitate out of my life. It makes me feel so lonely It doesn’t matter if I’m the bestest friend ever to eventually people don’t feel the need to talk to me often and when they do they always use me. I feel like I’m only good for being their personal atm since they know I’m too nice to say anything 

I just want more wholesome friends but I can only name like 2 out of the several friends I have who are wholesome and extremely close with me. The rest could live without me and I bet they wouldn’t even notice. They treat me as easily replaceable. 

I feel so invisible.",3.099891774891777,5.08891800793651,4.516955266955268,83.08006493506495,75.26984126984127,8.073881673881674,24.946608946608947,8.841846274778883,1.910120634920636,503,17,99,11,11,167,79,126,0.016,0.777,0.20600000000000002,0.9658,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,6,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,2,1,29,23,10,0,5,4,0,5,2,3,2,1,1,0,1,3,8,0,0,6,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,20,8,12,19,2,5,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,3,4,65,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879369689972286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238268004062268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814429512162335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427965319720622,0.15650865256434365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374265819042918,0.12360722611014728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010299953605436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512296718803255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095088577634813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221082710341755,0.1690599948078612,0.0,0.15278193549460728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549378524302177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829390580188232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969871316205083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263182640309377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399038718253943,0.15107647242427868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759434482211416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546604570325388,0.0,0.14312590448241316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390688387479853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943578745810288,0.0,0.0,0.10205308527630548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667874044097603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,longacidrain,2019/09/29,"I have a hard time trusting anyone, including my partner (31m) I've (25f) had a very intense life. I've experienced some intense relationships. This relationship is a breath of fresh air. It's been 5 years and I am still wildly into him. However, my anxiety and paranoia get the best of me. I've snooped 5 times since we got together. I have found nothing. It got so bad I made him change his phone code so I can't access his phone. Which helps cause it takes away the choice. But now it's flairing up my anxiety because my head is telling me he is hiding something from me BUT IM THE ONE WHO SAID TO LOCK IT. The point of having him lock it is that I have to talk to him about my feelings on it.

I really wish I didn't feel this way. I am terrified of him abandoning me. This fear has ended relationships. I am happy he is so understanding but I feel like such a horrible partner. I feel awful that I infrequently distrust him. I feel terrible that I snooped, he is aware of everytime it happened. I see posts on Facebook about abusive partners snooping and I want to cry... I feel like an abuser. When people say snooping is the end of a relationship I feel like the literal worst person in the world. We talked about it and he knows I trust him but sometimes my anxiety likes to challenge it. 

I really wish I could stop this. I read articles and self help books. I try everything I can. Having him lock his phone is a new thing I'm trying but idk if it's making me feel worse or better. 

If you have advice or solidarity of feels on any of this I am all ears.

Tagging with abuse in case this behavior is triggering to some.",1.5773001310615982,3.9224238990825695,3.42619134993447,87.13915596330277,82.18042813455656,6.917570991699432,24.021756225425953,8.052868069273773,1.4995110353866323,1273,48,263,26,35,426,174,327,0.184,0.677,0.139,-0.9641,1,0,1,0,2,0,36.0,2,1,0,3,10,16,1,1,14,1,26,4,3,4,1,43,51,18,0,6,9,0,10,4,3,0,1,3,0,5,23,9,0,2,12,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,8,15,51,10,27,42,5,23,0,1,1,0,38,11,0,6,14,168,74,3,0.0,0.3176048794665233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731438696388011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076287404464222,0.0,0.20506362508120496,0.0,0.0,0.06247745867038016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394976705333164,0.0,0.07460574032424301,0.05446855328048243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937701059183629,0.07902516817855505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178979697290553,0.09452326842451204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713408297401382,0.0,0.09814970328903888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827987412632624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030441091617715,0.0,0.0,0.10054658602267623,0.4066145148936236,0.19150067829028616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797058167939957,0.0,0.0,0.04668307788563687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292697229506582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901426372154191,0.09511756997223106,0.08004243430469231,0.0,0.09170160923120296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978241143751503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651620771759123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491058861410432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311242748830441,0.17461278867632973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454764903448256,0.059643595573834224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629735754009603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573628883381045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060547676088098676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619458851298465,0.07801929777463615,0.0,0.0,0.0844671467159954,0.0,0.08557515062949472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937684188059779,0.0,0.11448320628558765,0.0,0.0,0.3837252778119033,0.0,0.0,0.08499484290771626,0.07105682300176162,0.0,0.0,0.07120250291160893,0.0,0.09321431332937882,0.0,0.0,0.07391344517045395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687880444153643,0.08837206724339113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135715112011679,0.0747028261965456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718208158360486,0.1436365698423373,0.07809816477488057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936193814458176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042045112795424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132918417353762,0.0,0.0,0.09301927210524062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372530373736116,0.052702514966273886,0.07092398389796528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550230272043496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105799596664199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754018464509205
bpd,oddpancake,2019/09/29,"I'm on the verge on splitting on my BF and i need help Hi everyone

I think it's my first post on this website but i thought that this community could help ! (i'm french so bare with me if there are some errors)

Ok so i'm currently in a relationship for over 6 or 7 months. It has been quiet a ride from the begining : he left his 8 years GF for me, felt bad and left me. 1 month later we got back together after a looooong discussion (too long imo ...). We decided to set bounderies so we would not fell in traps again, like giving each other space, listening to what we really want to do, trying to share our feelings without turning on the other. It has been quiet positive since then, even if i'm sometimes really anxious. 

But we learn, and i'm so proud of ourselves. I express my feelings better, i try to control my BPD brainfarts (like i won't tell him that i'm afraid that he wants to date every woman he interacts with... oh my god i'm so ashamed !!). He, on the other side, is trying to accept confrontation (he is TERRIFIED of it ... even if it's about a minor issue)

But something came up recently. I confronted him about how he presented things when we saw each other. He always say ""we can see each other **IF YOU WANT TO**"". it makes me feel anxious : why do i have to be the one to choose ? Doesn't he want to see me ? 

So one night, i asked. It was a really calm conversation, i felt safe opening up. He understands that i don't trust him after he left me a while back but he is working on gaining back my trust. But he also said that he realized something with his therapist : he is so afraid to hurt me that he puts my needs before his. He does not want me to feel abandoned so he spend a lot of time with me. But sometimes, he just want to chill by himself or with his friends ! which is totally normal, and so do I ! so we came to an agreement to give each other more space. 

... Well, i did, but not my BPD stupid self !!! Since then i'm so anxious, i feel abandoned. I pick up on everything, every sentence that he says, to see if he wants to leave me or not. The other night i tested him and he lashed out because he is sick of me not trusting him. It was horrible, i apologized so much and had a panic attack. We saw each other the next day and i felt like an old sock, i was so closed up. 

And now that i feel that, and i'm fearing that he might leave me because he does not see me/want to see me as much ... i want to dump him ! Worse : i'm contemplating in my head going on Tinder and cheating on him. Like i want him to feel what i feel ... which is horrible and toxic. I'm forcing myself not to love him anymore. And by doing so, i'm hurting myself ...

And i want to stop it before it goes too far. Did you go through something similar ? Do you have so tips? Maybe something for me that could help me go back to earth ????

I'm desperate and sad ... thank you in advance",0.7025549399073832,2.810316495784149,2.6866859391311344,92.56542814315159,83.8735244519393,5.8561417596830765,21.21708289836452,7.136433693783602,0.5559026687009823,2194,70,487,31,63,734,251,593,0.166,0.695,0.139,-0.9832,1,0,4,0,0,1,107.0,10,4,0,7,33,36,6,5,17,1,34,3,1,4,1,109,96,51,0,21,24,0,11,4,3,3,1,6,0,2,36,38,0,5,19,0,1,9,11,17,1,3,18,24,78,19,66,72,11,71,0,5,7,1,77,30,0,11,34,315,114,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051019915227058614,0.0530857518675258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622361387354747,0.06327131337295654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964331012071655,0.07258039923404086,0.0,0.19622950237403627,0.05326937271102348,0.07778237044812006,0.0,0.10857624028427464,0.0,0.0,0.056424895979309136,0.0,0.0,0.16070482986671478,0.0,0.0,0.14593777046939024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715558323008682,0.10187637660117674,0.0,0.0,0.041144978635046896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166160260961214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842770740313264,0.0,0.1075065611359822,0.0609625327435846,0.057338290282242126,0.0,0.0,0.0717914404760954,0.2580689135470305,0.0,0.1837706955381356,0.0,0.0,0.0542672670186618,0.0,0.0,0.04929083125214522,0.0,0.0,0.12240333570688232,0.10877506569111473,0.0,0.05102576641257423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547602341465199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828906779878316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659597135159274,0.0,0.0,0.06658942123924627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510753517007598,0.20795290316454135,0.0,0.0,0.12467557696881505,0.0,0.0,0.05645997232871166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054239498602978914,0.057580950664409575,0.0,0.042586226054990385,0.0,0.06409451737525239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768049505796046,0.0,0.0,0.10184726265863576,0.0,0.09379898727746326,0.09461207393038863,0.0,0.0,0.06785079800689459,0.11974179289111235,0.06250932468777995,0.0,0.0,0.0669461582396644,0.0,0.08646350026970202,0.0,0.0,0.0748542012106977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110166019226864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413546301093015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261352594871855,0.0,0.06299366507098897,0.06849608607047457,0.0,0.0,0.060687313679732825,0.10147080832363477,0.0,0.0,0.2541971066215484,0.0,0.06655611186437464,0.0,0.0,0.10555013171985864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646187867577644,0.1261973828494301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053338693161355914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055763004687833316,0.05873740705330253,0.0,0.07407537914334747,0.04238511935045975,0.040879725338317296,0.0,0.05064915844627752,0.03720162098382284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994568858324973,0.06939482568617365,0.0,0.06641685014513593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41393234493484604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736282575871021,0.0,0.057568536515180624,0.0,0.0,0.06149981223988251,0.0,0.0464463207579715,0.0,0.06501647600284892,0.04532087072452397,0.0,0.0,0.04108436600721607
bpd,Caynixe,2019/09/29,"My boyfriend is ignoring me and I feel like I’m going to lose it. Some context.
I have BPD I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I’m currently changing over medications. My partner and I have been together 2 years

My boyfriend and I got into an argument 2 days ago, my partner is an incredibly moody person. It doesn’t take a lot for him to go into a mood and when he’s in a mood it’s hard to get him out. He becomes very difficult and very snappy. His moods are one of my biggest triggers, I just get so angry when he starts acting difficult. He will grunt as an answer or just completely blank you. 

We argued because an old friend of mine who was friendly with him too through me got drunk and text me saying he missed hanging out with me. Anytime we hung out my boyfriend was there so there is nothing wrong or sexual regarding this message. We stopped hanging out together just due to us growing up and doing different things. It was just a drunk text that I ignored because there’s no point replying to someone who was having a good time. I found it rather funny more so that I brought it up to my boyfriend saying “You’re never gonna guess who drunk text me last night” and I told him and joking about it. My boyfriend however instantly became mad saying “I should fucking message him why is he messaging you drunk” I replied to him telling him to Stop it and said “Don’t be that guy”.  He went into a mood.. stopped talking to me and just sat there quiet. Now I’m going to be honest, this triggered me. One of the reasons regarding my BPD that I don’t want to go into too much detail about but it involved a relationship in my teens that was extremely abusive. I was always being accused in that relationship when I was the one being cheated on and it’s still painful for his day because of the high toxicity surrounding the whole relationship. I got angry at him and he stormed out. I text him that night saying I love you and he sent back a blunt I love you too. 

Yesterday, he text when he woke up and everything was back to normal. I went over to go see him and once I got there he instantly went back into a mood! Grunted as answers when I tried to talk to him or just flat out ignored me after telling me to go over! Then he turned around and told me to go because he wanted to be alone. This really triggered me, but instead of getting angry I just stood up grabbed my phone and keys and said in the most sarcastic voice you’ll of ever heard “Enjoy the rest of your day” and I left. I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night and now I haven’t heard from him the whole of today.

I have more going on though than just this, I also suffer from Crohn’s Disease and stress makes my condition a lot worse. I’m very ill right now as it is that I don’t need this ontop.

I’m so close to edge right now I feel like I’m gonna fly. I’m so close to breaking I just don’t know what to do. I’m coping just now because I’m quite disassociated but when it starts to sink in I’m worried. I feel like this is going to push me over the edge. Please help",2.5559615384615384,4.15452224681529,3.851210191082803,88.96163645271929,75.7356687898089,6.868985791278785,25.452719255267034,7.61054688173877,1.1886882900538946,2393,84,514,32,52,784,253,628,0.14300000000000002,0.784,0.07200000000000001,-0.9911,3,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,4,6,0,2,47,32,4,1,24,0,38,11,0,5,2,88,100,45,0,6,17,0,5,3,4,5,4,11,0,4,31,41,4,6,8,5,0,19,9,16,0,3,30,17,82,11,76,60,11,98,0,3,1,3,76,37,1,8,44,338,113,0,0.0,0.08096289545992058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114536155561388,0.0,0.0,0.07077191162311368,0.0,0.05464551388081556,0.05685815387266479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083045498697901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763053429358076,0.0,0.20827443485006206,0.07546793055794816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721249040127414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228677512295986,0.0,0.07164537640913789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220652118615475,0.0,0.0,0.06935609774623627,0.0,0.07139296873111241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061810701702514174,0.0,0.0,0.061412887959067936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365296816949164,0.14645035765473385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492311178575169,0.10558711402787742,0.06317233945263481,0.10710280789311608,0.0,0.3495146553452899,0.05731409917643648,0.2186071234629395,0.0,0.07527600540940295,0.06765996566504118,0.0,0.0,0.06121254105277148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701574776001004,0.0,0.0458018664800217,0.07219708859081342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755378128429953,0.05570014677548405,0.0,0.0,0.07424351324942395,0.0,0.0,0.10015149390479763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764466423295376,0.0,0.11618777728684347,0.12334558475055125,0.0,0.045612506345077485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883785307704987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023228516223238,0.05066771844138429,0.052702273521025626,0.0,0.0,0.19237640173718076,0.06695138858433215,0.06556692266472254,0.0,0.07170351426637922,0.07277193339777699,0.13891170878502548,0.0,0.07271064878581804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966534513129306,0.0,0.07500861773310596,0.06459634481231953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268007592859177,0.0,0.0,0.04377557995008794,0.07025724002776658,0.0,0.2200907511598847,0.0,0.11671124511568598,0.12999980212889264,0.2173631390828335,0.0,0.0,0.05445219364450833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057897946102002815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673225824173763,0.0,0.054570461034727735,0.17138720936099888,0.07827470276657039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137757194256117,0.10984622724846234,0.11945131751567024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539710851140712,0.0,0.06713638138449353,0.0,0.039845258205803,0.0,0.06477126550956612,0.13058935572211386,0.0,0.04639331456893584,0.07432618994786991,0.0,0.0,0.08219564157862654,0.0,0.0,0.16914452518293938,0.08060861439263407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003486953880785,0.06165949604655791,0.1525816989052136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939501934983756,0.0696367041396243,0.0,0.07471091412341882,0.0,0.08800784097505311
bpd,Beautiful_plastic,2019/09/29,"DAE feel like garbage because they've never had a romantic relationship?? I'm almost 22 and have never even had my first kiss because I'm crazy and ugly and am overweight. Only one person has ever shown interest in me and that was entirely online and they were several years older than me when I was a teenager. I see other posts in this sub about people having boyfriend/girlfriends/husbands/wives/FWB and can't relate. Because I am legitimately alone, always have been, always will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might have had a chance with my former FP if I hadn't badgered her constantly to love me to the point where she offered to date me only to stop me from killing myself. I had a dream where I thought my new crush was going to ask me out but it turns out she wasn't interested. I am just unloveable and I hate it. I feel like lashing out at my former FP (we're still friends) because she was my only chance at happiness (I still plan our wedding on pinterest) but I know that's not fair to her and she's busy right now.

Anyway, is there hope or should I give up?",3.7706428571428567,5.212337433333332,4.643988095238097,85.14455357142859,72.28571428571429,7.154761904761906,26.458333333333336,7.645422480735847,1.4009761904761908,831,28,165,10,16,269,130,210,0.11599999999999999,0.754,0.129,0.6955,0,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,1,0,1,2,12,12,2,0,5,0,26,3,0,0,3,30,40,13,1,3,6,0,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,6,12,1,1,4,1,0,1,6,3,0,2,13,3,33,9,19,23,0,31,0,0,1,2,16,13,0,5,18,117,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373878225228692,0.14866850143315505,0.0,0.0,0.2388805484164458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419445076866882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500128500797301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551202861265293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480959087560796,0.1298439477455541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451605219588657,0.20509601156294596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209862392859636,0.0,0.0,0.1109018935137079,0.0,0.0,0.13770067736174066,0.08157947733060103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280547101738573,0.0,0.14172018030929656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425717802571995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881039041754394,0.0,0.07888813879180114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025689169275124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295542456230031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227771301881418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142027385712748,0.13863588367869248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726926546116647,0.3275154993282434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951547498131527,0.1253372594398641,0.0,0.0,0.13569566740614195,0.0,0.13747566514936438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411275181452613,0.0,0.1225859632289475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438614336133232,0.0,0.0,0.1621640887483148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229269168473322,0.12000937940935184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395806144623548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613487078928925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243775907739794
bpd,pureozium,2019/09/29,"Telling someone you may potentially date you have BPD? Just some backstory. I'm 20 years old, I've made insane progress with very little therapy. I basically went from going nowhere fast to helping others and following my passion (I'm going to be a therapist). I will never 100% hate somebody because I know everybody does what they think is best even if it isn't best. I'm a lover basically, lol. But I still struggle in intimacy and romance. If the person I'm talking to leaves me on read, I get this guy feeling they don't actually like me and that they aren't interested, even if I know they are. I try to focus on facts instead of emotions, but it's easy to get lost and return to old patterns. While I'm working on getting better at this, how would I bring this up to who I'm talking to? How would I talk about my abandonment issues and not feeling adequate? I've always been a people pleaser, especially in relationships. I need to be myself, and even though I know myself pretty well, it's hard to be me in front of people I like.",4.698550624133148,5.622185082524275,6.072843273231622,77.73106796116505,69.53398058252426,8.798335644937586,31.70457697642164,9.04235418022936,2.7056654646324545,821,35,157,15,14,278,123,206,0.11199999999999999,0.715,0.17300000000000001,0.9332,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,4,6,11,14,1,1,4,1,14,2,0,3,2,31,38,15,0,6,7,0,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,1,6,1,0,6,5,4,1,0,4,3,25,10,23,27,3,24,0,2,0,2,16,9,0,5,11,103,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.12397970108389872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571341439747936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744676933765357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666563118146572,0.1123628883674956,0.0,0.0,0.16001145013233695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117982560003582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291095457056002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517403522939654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847772255813786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913069177896545,0.0,0.14440765730904315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125796662418658,0.0,0.0,0.11380930047652058,0.12543276753872976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515703310072363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260422682755615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946538918535246,0.0,0.0,0.1345245979495434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241376496488102,0.12733463049536167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868698269138424,0.0,0.0,0.12021509437007145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942038591010945,0.09798660176154557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662924492318085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615700759899142,0.11093267940353194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925263568265935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708154045528716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640110343436634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764664612134887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146002584159007,0.0,0.0,0.13281727620328618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30634708349278017,0.11104481739891488,0.0,0.14528949937477034,0.1475115445585581,0.0,0.08140668998960322,0.12482318934133126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625668183462383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048272121988199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423065431141577,0.11777398986324955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249184537836956,0.0,0.0,0.1805013141647528,0.0,0.0,0.08181420543532693
bpd,Unfinishedmental,2019/09/29,"My BPD Story (First Post Ever) Hey everyone. This is actually my first Reddit post ever, but that's beyond the point.   
Just doing this because a part of me feels it will help me in some way eventually.

I'm a 26m that was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD a little over a month ago. I struggle daily with my emotions, but i'm just trying to stay positive right now.

Apparently my BPD could have stemmed from past abuse from my sister when I was a child. Locking me in a basement, neglect and threats while she would watch me when my parents were working. I started really feeling it in High School when my ex gf of two years (now current wife) and I were having problems and we split in 2011. This left me almost non-functioning for around a year. Consistently feeling depressed and worthless thinking why she would leave if I did everything for her. 

Afterwards I was able to function okay and actually went into a different relationship that went great for around a year until she had a bout with depression and moved away to a different state without a word. Again this left me the same way basically unable to cope for almost a year. I started to wonder if this is really how ""normal"" people are supposed to get after relationships as this was only my 3rd ever relationship partner. 

Eventually I became more social and now two years later through a good mutual friend I bumped into my now wife. We talked and over the course of a month we were dating again in 2013. Things were amazing for a little over a year and that's when I proposed and we moved in together in 2014. Around six months to about a year of moving in together I found sexually charged messages between her and a coworker she had. The following six months were a living hell as I stayed with promises she would cut it off all the while finding out they had a full emotional/sexual relationship, I loved her and I also have strong abandonment issues so I just couldn't leave and I didn't know why. This lead to a heavy drinking problem for months and me being put on Prozac for about two of those months. I lost my job with the inability to carry on my duties. 

After those six months she calls him to break it off and we are rocky for the next few months with my inability to trust and without the ability to pay for our apartment we moved in with one of her relatives, but things improved. I had a new job and we were great until we did get married in 2017. The three of us moved into a new house since it was easier to split bills three ways. Her and I were still great and then I suffered an injury at work that caused a lot of pain, this mixed with unresolved issues further exacerbated my feelings of worthlessness and I got a bit cold. Always preferring to be alone, acting lethargic and having a short temper which lasted a while. This caused a distance between us that left her almost wanting to leave.  

After two failed attempts of telling her I would change I made a decision to make good on that promise and told her I would and this time to have it backed up by action. This was the end of November 2018 and I made a major change to try and fix what damage I have caused. She started going to a fighting gym in Sept of the same year and in December she and a friend she had got a little too close which I started to pick up on which left me paranoid. I hired a P.I. and in mid December after telling me she was going to be late coming home, had the P.I. tell me she actually drove around the corner with this guy and they were embracing each other inappropriately. Nothing sexual, but this was still looking like the start of something. Under the promise she would not contact or talk to this individual I agreed to work on it, but would still attend the same gym since she enjoyed the other people there, she sought out the counselor to show me she was serious (she hates counselors due to past family sexual abuse and her experience talking to them then) . The counselling didn't help after a month so we stopped and tried to work on it ourselves.

I had a hard time through this time and this past July spied on her Whattsapp and found harmless yet conversations nonetheless between her and this individual. I blew up and threatened to leave only to again find that inside I didn't have it in me due to my own fear of being alone. She again said she called and explained they could not be friends telling me that due to her intense work and school schedule she has been dealing with depression and just needed someone to talk to. I have since been seeing a Psychologist that diagnosed me with BPD and PTSD telling me that so much of myself is tied into my relationships leaving me with no sense of self along with tying so much of my worth into how desirable I am to the opposite sex. I also see her behavior specialist that is taking me through DBT. I still have issues with my wife and while we do have good days there are fights and I still struggle daily with the general feeling of not being enough even if I know logically it isn't me. The inability to function with the feeling of if there is going to be another incident and my inability to trust led my Psychologist to tell me I may need extra help to focus more on my therapy. 

Within the past week my Psychologist referred me to a great Psychiatrist who listened to pretty much what I have here and prescribed me 50mg Setraline which I hope will help me start to focus on myself and my mental health and less on the feelings stemming from my relationship issues. I don't think I am bad looking by any means and actually get complimented on how I look, but despite all that the self confidence I have is almost near zero and it is something I am also working on for me. Thank you for reading this if you had and I hope to post more.

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TL:DR - I'm a 26m recently diagnosed with BPD and PTSD stemming from childhood and bad relationships one currently being with my wife. In therapy and on medication with the hope of getting better some day.",7.675618139803582,6.990402000866556,7.637516464471407,74.56204015020222,63.22010398613518,10.639607163489314,34.31132293471982,9.928628108626363,3.1884303177354134,4775,174,894,85,60,1538,440,1154,0.12300000000000001,0.742,0.135,0.9655,8,2,3,0,5,0,77.0,13,2,4,14,49,55,7,3,68,1,83,10,0,12,5,194,144,88,0,26,21,7,8,1,5,10,7,2,1,5,55,96,1,4,22,5,3,19,12,27,0,14,44,17,148,28,172,79,24,188,1,11,6,2,105,70,1,19,90,678,203,16,0.035393377117974766,0.08387072863388838,0.13815532204445674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031374093300909074,0.0,0.1417654184836781,0.07331372922034478,0.0,0.08491221268190842,0.02945012506648077,0.0383487093201289,0.043006827196515614,0.024068710130839582,0.037113041913596885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603043786680015,0.0,0.0,0.033253242881066604,0.027215322300934743,0.059103983022318125,0.021575474181668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031302565848565236,0.038640401008523416,0.0,0.22288359738093164,0.0,0.07228119050848945,0.0,0.0,0.10907624356377596,0.07488299999297762,0.030488260443349263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056517463286790325,0.0,0.0,0.0456516004401196,0.03648901769065797,0.0914527915478644,0.10777059825002694,0.0,0.07395709198393187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03467203517621887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039812785439399236,0.031348026815629475,0.03657081980894295,0.0,0.023376991783532773,0.09604600773686696,0.0,0.033819888586079705,0.031809285175504715,0.0346215142779784,0.03336572601692892,0.039827389202283896,0.12527168445988618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469781096147825,0.06021117699166852,0.0,0.07761402234064108,0.08203450609283787,0.0,0.07396631494549094,0.0,0.060344615570522474,0.08905885649746101,0.05661463385555258,0.15608529288865905,0.0,0.03504500788561867,0.0,0.0,0.03170551392995342,0.034943632390502764,0.0,0.037621504807477966,0.0,0.0,0.0948937384872341,0.037395046156386884,0.035502443048906485,0.10546082853608203,0.0,0.040839205188368095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776596089241933,0.07024493100381825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038902548894525074,0.028850326242266033,0.03992527101607059,0.18738237983856856,0.1538200311932135,0.0,0.0,0.0172914162713091,0.10642038613801316,0.031253000431900005,0.0,0.08916456818787173,0.0,0.03863605209076955,0.03009018354655898,0.0319439046986744,0.06698013841016963,0.023625354060325617,0.0,0.0,0.03855376360552132,0.0,0.035655103874235816,0.035668199523778144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542559034874796,0.18808779306389245,0.07805461378763212,0.05248748133025049,0.0,0.0683662883412652,0.03764125809407513,0.0,0.03467799485011181,0.03396089990935635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047966936645878165,0.0538365163697502,0.03766104867215487,0.0,0.039300156765722086,0.038327578359345055,0.13514793321281948,0.04907462250364132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033458181526975564,0.0,0.101691214937809,0.036007788677738094,0.0,0.06773336384382671,0.1241188914756323,0.03558011971992018,0.0,0.0,0.03540295506847692,0.0,0.04534780736198379,0.0,0.034946690015169424,0.2659946899615699,0.0,0.0302257506726234,0.033667206641000716,0.0,0.0,0.07163997441122638,0.0564078783340857,0.0,0.07384602268555464,0.0,0.0,0.08783330189116809,0.0,0.0,0.03607909077869421,0.029988693576210063,0.054495101738746936,0.0,0.0,0.15030968695688895,0.07544926153817713,0.1413259834295185,0.029590448081145106,0.0,0.07400168497952449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02661141483258689,0.11379142340052445,0.18561222976412764,0.03258546640004803,0.08095082259561168,0.0,0.0470275741386775,0.045357293870534714,0.0,0.0,0.06191448847047069,0.0,0.0,0.033819888586079705,0.0,0.07208933934244059,0.0,0.1382967463416901,0.0,0.08514774960268079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020875930834962364,0.08428084599044633,0.028390432228442262,0.0,0.0,0.06562003035886882,0.06387403552264513,0.0,0.0,0.06823590505223974,0.03838260770405751,0.1546008004498358,0.0,0.0,0.17599707733307302,0.0,0.043006827196515614,0.18233739557219936
bpd,BeastBossKittens,2019/09/29,"Feel like you don't actually learn things but rather imitate? I find myself in a really uncomfortable state of awareness that has brought to my attention my many shortcomings in just day to day life (and how much my husband carries me)  and not to mention my job (where I'm a supervisor and know nothing)  the scary notion that I retain/learn very few things and these are remedial/simple things? I can't recall facts very accurately , if at all really. I really only know how to be a nice and a supportive person in relation to another person's agenda and plan... ultimately I have no other skillset or wealth of knowledge on any one thing I believed I was interested in? I guess my mind is sort of falling apart it would seem, I'm confused on who to he and when now.  The model building used to work and pick me up out of this despair, but now in acceptance of all the ways in which I fail to understand, filter, perceive and learn with those around me ..I just don't know anymore .",6.4429952153110035,6.500797557894738,7.169521531100483,74.42528708133973,65.52631578947367,10.698564593301436,33.0622009569378,10.436869588844218,3.3641052631578963,776,30,147,18,11,258,122,190,0.124,0.7759999999999999,0.1,-0.7056,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,10,9,0,1,7,0,10,1,0,4,3,45,22,16,0,3,8,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,12,0,0,13,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,2,1,20,6,26,18,4,23,0,2,0,0,7,14,0,6,6,105,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.15209884027709344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599151284778503,0.16343490936662725,0.0,0.0,0.1545732344615186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875023528218622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560311389674282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103620710322206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880851636071888,0.11134785246471372,0.0,0.0,0.14245505522459595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169957817829046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466899693646485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25697305683712224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008994841269124,0.07614630613414293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580196165858046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737620078307954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457651248068937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495538040674938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561613302360087,0.11854008348318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721853938765317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995475877497048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189092189229707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687036408851814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141911802853996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225785118706978,0.0,0.1346147352259625,0.0,0.25720496606346394,0.0,0.12371601028967665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346940099184714,0.0,0.0,0.1107199013747084,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway-Anonymous1,2019/09/29,"Hi guys, I need advice please! (I’m being threatened to be kicked out of the house at 16!) Hi,  About an hour ago, my dad (49M) sits down at the table as I (16F) am having breakfast, he asks me what we can do to cheer up my mom. Then he steers it into “you can’t handle any criticism and you can’t handle any feedback, it’s pathetic.”
Then he starts yelling at me, at this point I’m petting my probably only benevolent being in this household, my cat. Also, I am responding to his questions with honest answers so I am not ignoring him at all. I can’t look at my dad when he’s yelling at me, but I can to other people... But then he brings out the “if you can’t handle looking me in the eyes when I address you, YOU CAN GO PRINT OUT AN EMANCIPATION FORM AND ILL SIGN IT AND YOU CAN LEAVE!” 
He wants me to leave at age 16, with several disabilities and issues with executive function.
Well. I try not to react to my dad when he yells at me, similar to how you shouldn’t react when a bully is bullying you but... am In the wrong for not looking my dad in the eyes when he’s yelling at me because I have severe anxiety?",2.2796153846153864,3.407322346153844,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,75.53846153846153,7.4222222222222225,24.96581196581197,7.984000788550335,1.2704376068376066,855,28,190,13,18,294,122,234,0.14300000000000002,0.804,0.052000000000000005,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,1,8,0,0,10,5,0,0,9,0,20,4,2,3,1,30,31,20,0,4,7,5,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,7,12,1,1,2,0,0,2,8,2,1,0,0,9,34,3,35,27,2,36,0,0,5,0,30,21,0,2,12,130,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957152417120807,0.14475256189740182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305882128523233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209454275474014,0.0,0.12492143369918901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266025516895582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995440770827694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280520732789717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168928371902827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081423379745205,0.18842232411856366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704391995910621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458149916992683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113839897102629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125097623528395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108234200150828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419440449498102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320928486153475,0.0,0.0,0.17925060343751692,0.15436804646455565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760613280229451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292953732865105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689573007789211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558215699562395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086765605437778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631655140982864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682323297974334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853917116087076,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chirpiecrisp,2019/09/29,I keep fucking up I think that this is the worst I've ever felt. The only thing keeping me going is my dog...,-1.1412499999999994,0.8352707083333364,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,91.91666666666666,3.2,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0453166666666664,83,2,19,0,3,29,20,24,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301140059715626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504048131207412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373861397605913,0.0,0.0,0.20740687982966147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6487604758668643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27755742021669755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245350622862705,0.2338422751623269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,knightofroses,2019/09/29,"Follow up to my last: my boyfriend broke up with me I thought I was doing so much better because I didn't lose it on him when he broke up with me but not even a month later (it's been like two weeks) he tells me some chick confessed to having a crush on him, said he thought she was really pretty and I snapped at him.
I feel like I'm taking a step backwards but considering the fact he and I fucking dated for over a year and he had been thinking about breaking up with me for WEEKS before he told me so he already moved on and I'm dealing with it still, I feel like it was deserved.

I told him that it was shitty of him to talk to me about this kind of thing when he knows I'm still trying to handle it AND drop him as a romantic fp and that I didn't have the luxury of moving on before it happened like he did. He apologized but I'm still fucking angry at him for even doing it in the first place when he knows how much I love and depend on him.",3.435358476474981,3.482375373786412,4.623980582524272,90.13464899178491,71.96116504854369,7.309335324869306,24.584017923823748,6.67199483983844,0.6312730395817776,741,18,173,5,13,245,99,206,0.08199999999999999,0.764,0.154,0.9487,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,13,12,2,0,8,0,14,3,0,2,1,27,34,17,0,0,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,12,11,0,0,8,0,0,4,3,5,0,2,15,3,27,7,31,19,3,35,1,3,0,3,30,15,2,2,18,119,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905815303148498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234020757704398,0.0,0.22987703026883666,0.0,0.0,0.11946248541109407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925595635270194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843096654797405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365955279340442,0.1929946076147765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148943650138778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497485371837457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944600112429185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065938466564212,0.1484669085035912,0.11010380728837224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639624590574064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111389937304848,0.0,0.0,0.12191007815462132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781523756799412,0.28712579465341204,0.19859070991142566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112418235807914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374194035853201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653223192012545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848685317491906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236121917034073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155927062292873,0.10856782734406299,0.11806113273902792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973754606315137,0.08655033398074963,0.0,0.2144682501210596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25813909098474475,0.0,0.09170677031348903,0.0,0.13194823327081334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166973539685337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698359810110884
bpd,partty-city,2019/09/29,"i need help but i don’t have the courage to ask. i dont know what to do about anything. the past couple of days has been the worst time of my life. i have problems that i don’t understand, that i cant control, and that i don’t know how to stop. i make bad decisions and i mean bad bad decisions. i’m so full of regret and anger in myself. i’m sorry for being so vague i just don’t know how else i can talk about this without getting paranoid people i know are going to read this. i have things i need to get out and i don’t know any other place to get them out. friday started out great and then one think led to another, substances led to others, as my judgment got cloudier and cloudier. i don’t know exactly what happened but i have evidence of what i do know. i don’t know what’s going to happen next but i’m scared out of my mind. i’m hurting so bad and i don’t know how to stop hurting. i just want to go back. i don’t want to do this anymore.",0.12228571428571301,1.9039443714285724,2.3014285714285734,96.37357142857144,83.85714285714286,5.142857142857143,20.47619047619048,6.1826913282559595,-0.0475238095238093,738,22,177,6,21,249,95,210,0.256,0.67,0.075,-0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,11,13,1,1,3,0,23,1,0,7,1,48,55,18,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,11,0,3,14,1,0,5,12,11,0,1,2,0,27,2,27,52,2,21,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,0,9,116,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473758589486951,0.11524253450887295,0.0,0.0,0.1089939192037579,0.0,0.0,0.09044053499759427,0.0,0.1027441628407956,0.0,0.0,0.08450837112024817,0.3670565629688211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326519221097752,0.0,0.12160521653016315,0.0,0.07087813161952533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880511343639314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180958031315906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225883065132808,0.0,0.18738066414768365,0.0,0.08789920684749114,0.12116808421367092,0.0,0.0,0.19437314033138012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366544460132594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353061675406571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435967104917012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762750766159299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336088717599665,0.0,0.0,0.11971622921936916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097036930423844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298287789417645,0.0,0.0,0.11688273882164868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447289506161897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491453646767199,0.0761926749436541,0.0,0.11482490097384924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516201472176406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993241353520768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003174765976256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302704378813688,0.07778967712785342,0.0,0.0,0.183767110336221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833560496454718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730144520107308,0.07042119474164105,0.0,0.0,0.06408513203856922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441255780192405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964688721845768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594225422203864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IwasafoolIamafool,2019/09/29,"Is there something deep inside? If i help people or giving someone advice, my bad mood will gone, am i doing this because i feel at ease when i acted superior to people without me knowing?",7.064166666666665,6.891508194444448,8.146666666666668,68.71500000000002,64.27777777777779,8.311111111111114,34.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,2.744600000000001,149,6,23,1,2,51,32,36,0.083,0.643,0.273,0.7882,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430699738124132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931359913215881,0.21401427413405893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751590396107503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367866123386973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23532060513724665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294363344052493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867874339672005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974677837391167,0.27027748137255475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384272708602565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peniscracker,2019/09/29,"said things i shouldnt have said i make bad decisions on impulse (a lot). i’ll be in a group chat and say something like “i’ve never been with so many terrible people in my life that make me feel like shit” and they all attack me and i end up going through an episode and feel terrible. i’m not sure if this is because of my bpd or because i’m just a bad person in general? i ALWAYS say terrible things on impulse and then feel like shit afterwards because i feel like a horrible person. 

not sure how to fix this because i actually lose control of my body.",4.723242236024845,4.7927940695652165,5.900621118012424,82.01913043478261,69.17391304347825,9.354037267080745,32.08074534161491,9.23628265651192,2.63203105590062,438,18,92,8,7,147,69,115,0.28300000000000003,0.6409999999999999,0.075,-0.981,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,3,15,3,0,5,0,5,4,3,4,4,27,16,10,0,2,5,0,4,4,0,1,1,4,0,2,5,6,0,1,5,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,8,12,6,11,11,2,11,0,1,0,0,9,6,2,3,8,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.13153072610325167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215192513768844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333740627189268,0.0,0.0,0.2250797055800191,0.32865476255469256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497157602244935,0.1697570008375656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117284892937866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937951192751425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726054021493142,0.28887131272086136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660142690566121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952026381332742,0.26339658915631275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507899487340165,0.0,0.11458939494738975,0.0,0.0,0.17994008065797648,0.1366508440841709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395450840266664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093442954431677,0.2353781424372337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564228185974088,0.2143728985354092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767097502629925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376408515716026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25406655229610314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909034213953212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunnydk,2019/09/29,"Best treatment center for BPD? Looking for suggestions of what are the best treatment centers for someone who has BPD. It can be anywhere and costs are not an issue.  


Thank you!",3.3234375000000007,6.408879468750005,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,82.4375,4.45,29.875,5.985473137389443,1.5541625,141,7,23,1,4,42,26,32,0.053,0.7290000000000001,0.218,0.8216,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,6,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5587496482141807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6705735998765872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27785790850924763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235524363904952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255619799224793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24509378173522786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mymuse100,2019/09/29,"Afraid to tell my FP/poly partner how I feel I'm really afraid of telling her how my bpd can get. I have had to many friends, partners etc all run away, when I do the sucuidal depression cycle in and out. Bit... 

Now i haven't been in about a year, but I'm dead inside, i have no will, no goals,I think about sucuide all the damn time if i express this to her she may and will put me In a hospital like everyone else. 

I meet the meaning of low fuctioning borderline. I just don't know how to express how I really feel all the time without scaring her or others away",3.3434663865546206,3.8519396806722703,4.589401260504204,88.65284138655458,72.36134453781513,8.302941176470588,28.320378151260506,8.472884824447931,1.7463016806722695,438,16,100,7,8,145,75,119,0.165,0.765,0.069,-0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,3,6,0,11,0,0,4,3,21,19,10,1,1,5,0,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,2,2,16,2,15,14,5,14,0,2,0,0,12,7,1,3,6,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380576088286176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111546711743388,0.0,0.25508540005486885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444286458827382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919177669007535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258797595373641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935306121932079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481528809204846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564778285682961,0.0,0.1058160361516422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113077898567134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894823775532588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533842527295987,0.0,0.22061969405776966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360334226937693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594978661164682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277259535844944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540485589849377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977607581186504,0.0,0.0,0.23619925746397344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952362504788537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042572457396925
bpd,jagans444,2019/09/29,"Learning I might have BPD The symptoms fit pretty well, a description of FPs sounds pretty much like every person I've ever had a lasting crush on.

I've never had an FP reciprocate at all. I've had relationships with people who aren't my FP, but they sometimes feel hollow and so I've come to feel at home in the polyam community.

My current FP, who has BPD, isn't great; I've been gaslighting myself constantly, she shows others much more affection than she offers me, and I'm convinced she's tired of having to deal with Miss Baby BPD here even though she's told me otherwise (without really showing it).

I just want to get rid of these feelings. Do y'all have any advice for that? Also, is there like an FAQ thread for people just starting out like me?",5.018053691275167,5.9301869463087264,5.663953020134226,80.99337919463088,68.79865771812081,8.10765100671141,26.980536912751678,8.238735603445708,1.720172617449664,601,18,114,8,10,195,102,149,0.073,0.7609999999999999,0.166,0.9128,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,10,7,0,0,6,0,13,2,0,1,3,20,23,6,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,1,1,6,6,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,5,4,14,6,17,17,4,13,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,1,9,74,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396088556398376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425140576337185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715506923583307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398113455360459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306804303809955,0.0,0.15438944210838898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729052869106746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943628986725182,0.12923219234675246,0.12037236522158733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671490455263173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464257962499644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575123610162068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330814961447255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645640453130313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093941140874148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156026168839878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004868604617327,0.0,0.1101885298367889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809322232663112,0.12474673715165085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906960267498855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915248332793202,0.0,0.0,0.15338665476045724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130000344021604,0.0,0.10112263296570444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849444831769473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036698360589706,0.0,0.0,0.1642056310992987,0.0,0.1365163982310222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426718734023332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284553973154423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771955463507904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,noideawhattocallme,2019/09/29,"I just want to be alone... ALL the time. I’m finding it so difficult to want to be involved with anybody lately. 

I don’t have a favourite person and I haven’t for a long time. My therapist told me in June I no longer “qualify” for BPD anymore. 

But, it’s weird. I don’t have any of the symptoms. No fear of abandonment. No self esteem issues. No self harm. No turbulent relationships and no idealisation or devaluation. 

I just feel indifferent to everything. 

I don’t want relationships - platonic, romantic, family... I can make plans with the people in my life but 9 times out of 10 I will cancel these plans to sit in silence in my house. 

That’s all I ever do. Is sit in silence. I don’t watch TV. I don’t listen to music. I don’t play games. 

I just want to be alone. In the silence. 

To me, this is worse than having the symptoms. I’d rather them back than to feel so fuckin indifferent all the time. It’s impossible to affect me with *anything* lately. 

I don’t feel like I feel anything. Not even sadness anymore.",0.3067487684729073,2.7387613497536982,2.7764532019704435,87.6245812807882,93.13793103448276,5.952709359605912,21.285714285714285,7.372421405659032,1.0638236453201977,786,29,162,16,29,269,101,203,0.166,0.752,0.083,-0.9034,2,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,2,9,9,1,1,8,0,19,4,0,2,4,30,31,7,0,5,8,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,6,6,0,1,5,3,0,0,15,7,0,0,1,6,23,2,27,26,3,19,0,2,1,1,10,7,1,1,11,107,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640522213817215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668767014619813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528427645272749,0.0,0.0,0.20980285011467945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980207443490286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055085350003553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419632550830773,0.11530883309065088,0.0,0.0,0.11456670531535106,0.0,0.1201724992914301,0.1434453096648518,0.2578216495805786,0.09106847941505113,0.0,0.0,0.11651024224649775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708954194707666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330512396285944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875956962815409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003967278131725,0.062278060682912015,0.0,0.0,0.11281175249656301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509084569698168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837541906107235,0.1113066367722615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737218312392318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26596936941675337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649915821285475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480088103719952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973278154983277,0.0,0.0,0.12180824523598935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007532678533177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990836333269395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EllipticPeach,2019/09/29,"DAE find themselves unable to listen to music because of strong emotional memories associated? I’ve always had this - I associate certain songs with people OR I just listen to a song a lot around a certain time and then whenever I hear that song after I think of that time in my life and all the memories/emotions that I was feeling at that time.

Sometimes, though, I’ll be listening to music and a song will come on that I just can’t listen to (even if it’s a good song and I enjoy it) because it makes me think of painful times in my life or a person I’m no longer in contact with.  I’m wondering whether this has to do with being hyper-emotional as a result of my BPD.",5.353667883211682,5.218340452554745,6.5923996350364975,78.29984032846717,67.83211678832117,9.477737226277373,31.723540145985407,9.188382445141503,2.6466941605839414,530,20,105,9,8,180,80,137,0.04,0.8290000000000001,0.131,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,8,0,8,3,0,2,3,26,21,11,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,10,0,1,10,9,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,11,11,5,21,16,2,13,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,5,6,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881547722237314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485135915172798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339538375923996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101158678656201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370880984612655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5629820720129025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018928656938227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435398890009183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247910634652026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992863796748126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802892902373175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235673166181938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183244313208368,0.0,0.0,0.11135996166496187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751831044243946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565854350317095,0.14566905173507466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649986042222241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379516657197306,0.16390909985827393,0.0,0.3891184047427457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091943560342155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princess-kelly,2019/09/29,"How Do I Do Math This might sound odd but I think bpd is making math A LOT harder for me. In high school I would use my teacher or classmates as a resource when I got confused or frustrated. In college it's totally different and if you don't understand the lecture you're basically on ur own (I don't). I'll have to redo one problem literally 20 times over an hour or more to get it right. Then I'll think about how there's calculators for everything I'm doing and it literally doesn't matter at all and will never have any significance in my career or life. After repeating this so many times, I'll just go into full BPD rage. Ready to hulk smash my laptop, myself, and drop out of college entirely. I can't do work like that so I'll have to take like a half hour break to be able to even think again. The problem is I have about 50 questions and a couple days to do them (in addition to two jobs and my other classes.) I'm going to see if I can schedule tutoring right before the class but that's the only time I'm available. I don't know what to do as it's only gonna get harder.",3.7681368267831163,4.1886438340611365,5.461816593886463,83.09566521106261,71.35807860262008,8.55208151382824,27.057059679767104,8.648137234880735,1.7623464919941774,854,27,184,14,15,293,135,229,0.146,0.8390000000000001,0.015,-0.9804,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,11,7,2,1,9,0,22,1,0,4,3,38,40,22,0,5,9,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,5,0,3,1,2,17,2,27,34,6,30,0,0,1,0,4,13,0,10,15,119,27,13,0.14059554545427172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560979213559087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963645383035845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541503354385241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556629687513834,0.0,0.0906724956387314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689242076326106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286203178437713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635821060119476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691073926543136,0.0,0.15980737701455813,0.0,0.11244710134728668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854691300352868,0.0,0.0,0.2769165829130315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951938461481048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726763489050459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993067916586049,0.13737576350728753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195293050009376,0.0,0.0,0.09384861833302892,0.14254181574718672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914965559716853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843595209477908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952711802411302,0.21385849559178688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26906189831314903,0.0,0.0,0.15749918771094032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240135655233878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229019803766016,0.11203644676042113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571035285009103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27026384558336913,0.0,0.0,0.2459471795814365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734141857705248,0.14636492118611716,0.0,0.1214294098417602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023552315755745,0.0,0.0,0.099875041607449,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cryyybabyyyy,2019/09/29,"I fucked my uber driver My fp broke up w me 3 days ago and ever since i’ve made it my goal to ruin my life to a point of no return and ultimately kms. I’m definitely going through a manic episode, I think it’s my brain’s way of coping with the loss. Anyway, yesterday I got blackout drunk at the club and ended up in an uber at 5am and somehow at a motel near my house where me and the uber driver had sex. It was okay, but pretty awkward on the way home. I also wanna ruin my ex’s life so i wrote a police report about him doing fraud and I hope he goes to jail and i leave his family devastated because they hated me 🙊 #andioop 
Moral of the story, don’t fuck with borderlines because we’ll bring you down with us.",1.5179255583126547,2.9230803161290337,3.981290322580645,87.7550124069479,78.09677419354837,6.317617866004963,20.31017369727047,7.010146845296331,0.3604739454094292,559,13,123,6,13,196,106,155,0.24600000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.068,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,1,1,2,7,10,3,1,10,1,5,7,1,1,1,18,16,10,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,10,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,8,0,0,5,0,23,2,21,10,0,21,1,4,0,3,9,11,2,2,6,76,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139683424726754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462528593283775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357338544673991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584723613459614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246974648591828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125443290313858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489994595541633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227713409322988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35750568920312475,0.0,0.0,0.10988764916601036,0.0,0.15464301903234154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089724478695647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395003030892893,0.1920443508897048,0.0,0.22310478952576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473418237153687,0.0,0.0,0.2731435828669848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829564215743286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278221902361255,0.0,0.0,0.19671073609735484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994459442747244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389356570198293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23258129860848686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30695113219469405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DearIntention3,2019/09/29,"Recently learnt I have BPD and I feel like the worst most unlovable person on the planet. How did all you guys cope with getting a diagnosis?

Finding out I have this is plummetting me further in to bad self destructive habits. I've always felt a bit alone and disconnected from the world but now I feel it even more.

Every thought I have I question. Every feeling I get is now fake. I dont feel like I can trust myself at all. 

I dont even really know what my question is.. Just need some support. I feel horrible. Like noone will ever like me and I want to run and hide away from everything. 

Learning you have a 'personality disorder' is the worst thing I never imagined.",1.9564376590330816,4.555165305343515,3.399206106870232,86.24700254452931,82.96946564885495,6.54676844783715,24.00050890585241,7.793537801064563,1.4713965394402042,529,20,103,10,15,173,86,131,0.212,0.635,0.153,-0.8673,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,7,12,1,0,7,0,13,0,0,1,4,30,26,6,0,2,2,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,13,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,6,19,6,10,22,8,14,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,4,10,73,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658779692457774,0.0,0.0,0.11776863620383705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329769926143863,0.0,0.11817599176642345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451979639714866,0.0,0.1782586473673953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221161728848288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331756433435038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696534800311773,0.12802670411370706,0.23849904433008734,0.0,0.12720272410665778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578222842977159,0.2022255703340612,0.1358960011326889,0.0,0.12936062147625801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789261533677578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140142114002072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778405215290289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765878253770355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494656780037608,0.10916068241175714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471661792072993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171036630876129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906710823094874,0.0,0.1397489488969617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765209589302816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061248358754146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940297071368042,0.0,0.0,0.11236315028513442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348113627257121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heeeellyeah,2019/09/29,"I'm really struggling with work, long ass rant. TW: Suicide I'm on a waiting list for therapy which will take 8 months. I used to see my community mental health team and they pretty much did fuck all, I pretty much just told the nurse I saw I was feeling really suicidal, went to the train tracks last night and she said with the dumbest smile on her face ""well you didn't do it so that's good"" and that was it. After that she said I could be discharged because I got a job and even said I must be coping well to deal with the pressure. Obviously I know there are other people that need treatment but for fucks sake that pissed me off because surprise, surprise I FUCKING HAVEN'T BEEN COPING AT ALL. I even told her I'd been self harming, but noooo I'm fine. This was last year after my fifth suicide attempt.

Anyway, to present day and work has been hell. I just work with two other people in a shitty lab and I fucking hate my manager. He's a fucking asshole and when we first started talking he started talking about a guy who was really over weight, and said ""if you go in the drawers in he just has a bunch of snacks"" (why are you going through his drawers?!). He just constantly bitches about people, makes up unbelievable stories that would be great for r/thathappened and when he talks, it's never a conversation, just none stop stories about himself. 

The other people are questionable as well, the old manger would say crap like ""oh she's just a pair of tits and teeth"" to other women that worked there. A lot of the people really liked him as well which is worrying seeing how much of an asshole he was. Some people are really nice. Another guy even calls to over weight guy fat to make fun of him but justifies it by saying ""I even say it to his face"", well aren't you fucking lovely? I get there's going to be assholes in any place, but trying to cope with being suicidal, self harming, mood swings along with the assholes makes it difficult.

It's been really hard trying get to know the nice people there because I'm so fucking nervous and awkward, I can't help but come across as weird. I get why people wouldn't warm to me, but a lot of the times I seem to get whispered about for the pettiest shit. I was having lunch, I had the really bad stomach pains, we have two break rooms and there were three people eating and watching the TV, I wasn't in the mood and had a bit of a headache so I ate lunch by myself in the other break room. A girl I work with in the lab saw me I heard her say ""she's eating lunch by herself"" and then whispers something I can't hear. Who fucking cares?! I don't see why it's a big deal, I always say hi have a conversation, it's not like I never speak to anyone. It just really made a shitty day even worse because now I have to be paranoid about what people are saying about me.

Fast forward to later I pop out for a vanilla latte, it was pouring down raining and my manager asks ""how is it outside?"" I said it was awful but I risked it because I really wanted a latte, he mumbles something quietly and the other girl laughs, what the fuck did I say?! What was so weird about that sentence?! I didn't hear him, but honestly I had enough, started crying because I was convinced it was something at my expense (he makes a lot of passive aggressive remarks and thank God they didn't notice I was crying). 

My coworker just passed her training and asks what to put down webs in her report, so I said organic web fibres and my manager buts in and says no it's cobwebs. This reaaaaally pisses me off because you don't have to put down cobwebs and I've been putting organic web fibres for a year and no one has said anything (we have QC double checking our reports as well and no one has told me to put it down as cobweb). So I snapped and said you can put either it doesn't matter.

Anyway, I think I'm acting like an irrational dick and I'm starting to snap which I'm worried about because at my previous jobs I really went off on people and don't want to start that again. I don't know I'm just fed up with therapy and waiting and shit.",4.141328076586106,5.0771593885505535,4.960620552599528,85.15161399234994,70.8270401948843,7.564083167724428,27.68000085475565,7.731754440074428,1.5582727568006494,3202,109,645,37,57,1039,322,821,0.212,0.693,0.094,-0.9989,2,0,3,0,0,2,86.0,4,6,2,8,47,57,18,5,41,1,67,35,13,8,6,100,145,55,4,9,21,0,5,4,0,5,3,23,2,8,44,43,11,3,7,2,2,14,21,30,6,6,47,34,85,25,91,86,15,79,1,0,6,13,84,33,19,7,36,433,129,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03435155615814904,0.0,0.0,0.02807450378724477,0.04328982442745903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028866699899190787,0.0,0.03397317577105074,0.0,0.07718984642743781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034470376397013835,0.2013305169515408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045071384322521904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215553192601356,0.0,0.04209174160495327,0.0,0.0,0.03556247005470318,0.0,0.04461328689562544,0.0,0.03296187723531975,0.0,0.09069696784522124,0.0532494688116972,0.08512388572386571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448758111941833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426573594366937,0.0,0.13633830828355392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02087440712553599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03511610940714955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434971445059372,0.08627664622563172,0.0,0.07038786578777774,0.03462702114673509,0.03301854864575045,0.04551570402521412,0.0,0.1226328126343808,0.0,0.0,0.036982312972497024,0.040759356631673314,0.0,0.04388291160838141,0.0930600311140856,0.0,0.027671763526830283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193590644371815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806574284635676,0.06730386372586983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067701658406394,0.0,0.0,0.0365349993530698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529442176309424,0.03726037949550217,0.03906387461655162,0.1102294370468574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041604514623799715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032952457483343016,0.0,0.09104536713768492,0.03061152810804272,0.06368145939363733,0.0,0.0,0.03874219332186515,0.0,0.0,0.047002054219440766,0.0433205640579608,0.0,0.05595015009972459,0.0,0.04392903682126565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148320443079824,0.0,0.043132944135965585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840012442800735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750887779142432,0.04624747573562374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644755748452006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141639465382539,0.2626452521000773,0.0,0.0,0.09869389668029692,0.03758336037491696,0.08613633353380906,0.0,0.08475476915796881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534721211693192,0.0,0.0,0.14610497241685638,0.0,0.0,0.034515233355024814,0.0,0.04315895147530458,0.0,0.180631776088305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031040394871187118,0.09954743305252976,0.0,0.03800871732985445,0.09442359657774496,0.0,0.0,0.02645309016613849,0.0,0.0,0.02407300504265284,0.0,0.0,0.11834575908297384,0.0,0.056058188394458384,0.0,0.08065684674889498,0.0,0.0,0.03565608030661498,0.0,0.0,0.04870069032386213,0.0,0.0,0.1005454658001204,0.22271539097998935,0.07654127623850847,0.1117570390626842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027604768963254,0.08385171666425971,0.04207187518395242,0.058653871559161866,0.0,0.0,0.05317102448283021
bpd,Reapermanee,2019/09/29,"I thought I'd made my ""friends for life"" but nope, not at all. I just want to know what I'm doing wrong. I made a large group of friends last year, and while I haven't seen them as a huge group in a couple months, I still want to be friends and speak to them. The friend group, however, seems to be slowly but surely cutting me out of their lives. A few people have straight up deleted me off social media and don't return messages if I ask if I've done something wrong and can fix it somehow. Last time I saw them all, I felt this weird vibe of ""oh we don't like her and I wish she didn't come to this event, but hey I guess we can pretend for a few hours, right?"" Someone at the event wouldn't even look at me, meanwhile she looked at, spoke to, and hugged everyone else. I see them all on social media, talking with and supporting each other, reacting to every post they make. They don't do that with me. 

I feel alone in every friend group I've tried to assimilate into. It feels like I'm trying to fit my square body through a circular hole; it's awkward and impossible to do. I'm second string, even if people won't admit it, and it hurts. I don't want to keep going through the pain of making friends only to lose them a year later. There's about 6 people out of the 20+ person friend group who still interact with me on varying levels... And that's awesome... But I want them ALL to like and talk to me. I know how pathetically whiny that sounds and I hate it, too, but I just... I want them all to sincerely like me like I sincerely like them.",2.8122007223942243,3.8636118854489134,3.760297987616098,92.073862874097,74.10835913312694,6.745562435500518,23.055856553147567,6.996647511020387,0.4949546955624355,1201,31,275,11,24,386,162,323,0.158,0.6579999999999999,0.183,0.8796,1,1,1,0,0,0,47.0,2,0,11,1,11,27,2,1,11,0,17,4,1,6,6,63,51,23,0,10,11,0,3,6,7,2,2,3,0,1,14,22,0,1,8,1,0,2,10,9,0,1,9,12,44,18,42,38,8,35,0,2,6,1,41,18,0,6,20,170,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646135394538598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707008067154988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345368588505023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022887153826311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305379615355097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531100390705358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780361767777089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230315959965639,0.0,0.15694308266736454,0.08899594326979217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418525345038824,0.06653675382964559,0.0894256721230865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036993505833159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052931634889754435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260038530624817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195303875559392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172071862699877,0.0,0.09970457894539983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278402497470387,0.0,0.0,0.1023707995268944,0.1518374012993357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578508372197778,0.2730108168663544,0.0,0.08224126009075576,0.0,0.15642245207138294,0.10419595083083076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625606846640585,0.12433871059805375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434068764724527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708345260288291,0.0991038318348432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370742348267989,0.08132322333799434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919904799613998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953808556468361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742177539617309,0.08478799663963969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988192157959727,0.07891427748056158,0.07170104908061811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875790228378102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569022764805401,0.0877800749090364,0.0,0.0,0.1497192256527753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393999935512822,0.054308658148213486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646717701128735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746716849116288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710241015549818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036603439291237,0.0,0.11995374017128099
bpd,Stranger_NL,2019/09/29,"Anyone here in their 30s who changed their lives? \-I was diagnosed last year (so i went years without knowing) and I am in therapy (which is the hardest thing I have ever done). My life is quite fluid at the moment (therapy lasts another year)  but I am trying to take this opportunity to find out I like and what reallllyy resonates with me e.g. practising yoga, listening to underground electronic music, making moodboards, trying to get creative etc but somewhere I am blocked, stuck. 

Does anyone have solid and real life examples about how they changed their lives in their thirties? (singles preferably). 

Thanks!",5.3385591766723826,8.531142358490571,5.311578044596914,74.14465694682676,73.52830188679245,8.00548885077187,32.277873070325896,8.841846274778883,3.428841509433964,494,24,73,11,11,154,78,106,0.044000000000000004,0.802,0.154,0.9291,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,5,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,2,1,16,17,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,14,3,12,13,2,13,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,8,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752090615548765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341396800692956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380070015190304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621516978478415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980589792974096,0.16348859721507011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817315909500972,0.0,0.14451087289975215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601653973522086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346731678245461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779919277084926,0.2604492946839369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568456137279544,0.07805002158608307,0.0,0.2821396836518337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664015980269194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992302183221858,0.0,0.181840354073564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011864554819204,0.0,0.0,0.14708432877972613,0.3653959485945759,0.0,0.1061365685457243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693131449426686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809789740841708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400166703262244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30863805710873016
bpd,biggalmoira,2019/09/29,"has anyone else ruined a friendship because they caught feelings? Recently I had a huge meltdown because my best friend didn’t return feelings for me. I literally got so angry and cut contact and now I know she wouldn’t even want to be friends again. I catch feelings for my friends way too easily, and I hate myself for being so self destructive. I lost a great friend because I let my crush ruin things.  
Just wondering if anyone has been through something similar. I feel so stupid.",5.356238095238098,7.31198576666667,5.2887301587301625,80.04500000000002,69.1111111111111,7.80952380952381,32.85714285714286,8.418075326091056,2.760714285714286,389,18,66,6,7,121,64,90,0.255,0.4920000000000001,0.253,-0.2989,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,8,13,4,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,13,20,7,0,3,2,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,6,4,15,6,5,10,1,8,0,3,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440049862460533,0.17877833951474476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190894494644544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831090275743596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575806484909942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524430279081305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35289516580339764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392201897775061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954990588302116,0.19236800142442226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226572987285305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958912328337554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784205758796882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046868506523412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228080340439075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202370683695407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432545264057988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591867858235028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029145288008866,0.13849639601092487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892192504966919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CallanM98,2019/09/29,"Can I Change? Hello,

I was just wondering if it is possible to change our personality through altering the way we react to things? Although I haven’t been officially diagnosed with BPD, I do feel in myself that I show near enough every symptom associated to it. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, which also has many overlapping symptoms.

My life never seems to be stable, and unfortunately I no longer have any friends because of this. I have pushed away those dearest to me and those I love out of fear they are secretly spiting me or leaving me out. The worst part is I probably now seem like the devil to these people but I know what I have done wrong and the hurt I’ve caused. I do think I am a good person at heart and do have all the right intentions but my mind just becomes clouded with negative thinking.

Is it possible to change my behaviour and how I react to things permanently? I would like to one day have a stable social life and possibly a stable love life which I’ve never experienced. I have been to see my GP about this and requested that he put me on the waiting list for DBT but unfortunately he won’t take my word for it and just insists that I increase the dosage for my ADHD medication which I’m trying to wean myself off. I’m just becoming more tired by the day and just see myself as being forever alone.

Thank you for reading this.",5.595136514983351,6.308686649056604,6.519600443951166,76.08463928967821,67.41509433962264,9.85793562708102,30.68257491675916,9.916854025145753,2.8995793562708108,1082,40,206,24,17,360,150,265,0.127,0.75,0.12300000000000001,-0.2913,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,1,1,0,10,13,1,1,11,0,27,12,1,5,3,45,43,18,0,2,10,0,1,2,1,2,9,0,0,2,19,15,0,1,8,2,0,3,6,6,0,1,5,4,35,7,32,34,6,19,1,1,2,2,15,10,0,5,7,157,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425839318081427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452762872742884,0.0,0.08070950544577284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686323072979447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482214757916252,0.0,0.0,0.06152280558806401,0.22292696764212472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711122003600184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367754408772713,0.3202950867935079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017626009109204,0.0,0.0,0.2048730426785353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328108431564843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428227061694986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503347509345814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356842970590228,0.051030598273765375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797423017398135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465091223570953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959634333290882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804205813169472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546561647649932,0.0,0.0,0.10686476346584532,0.0,0.0,0.21385845810292914,0.09861349351069444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217709812097893,0.0,0.0,0.10232188024521607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167109215799636,0.0,0.0,0.10190525149913528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567881531966465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838923893563294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929169538562496,0.0,0.06996853079976527,0.1762472399216879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413325559738519,0.0,0.0,0.10881397641092748,0.0,0.0,0.10145727365698436,0.0,0.0,0.10095208585364598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618920570307209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084795648810293,0.18375624788158326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288009751636024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979896755031946,0.07588286993755396,0.0,0.0,0.09291797239061003,0.0,0.0,0.1340998708371583,0.1293370402569692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115998181281759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685212967896258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801093880796911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944861243170588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169406390170152,0.11034539712544736,0.0,0.0
bpd,chhharl,2019/09/29,"Not sure if I should leave the best job I've ever had. x posted to an early childhood subreddit, edited some childcare jargon

Sorry for the vent ahead, this is weighing on me a lot. 

I'm 26 and I've had a lot of jobs in the past. I change jobs very quickly, the longest I've ever had was almost 2 years. I started working in childcare centers when I was 19 and was making 7.50 an hour. I realized I really love teaching kids. Over the years I've worked at a lot of really shitty childcare centers and was treated poorly, paid poorly, the kids were treated poorly, etc.

A year and a half ago I started working at a center that is FANTASTIC. I'm salaried (23k a year I think, no health insurance offered), I'm a lead in a preschool room, things are done really well. I like my coworkers and my preschoolers (most of the time lmao). The center has me in a program that pays my way in community college to get a certificate in childcare (not a degree). I'm on track to finish next spring and then I have a year contracted at my job to qualify for the free tuition. For the first time I'm acing classes and I love the knowledge. I'm genuinely really passionate about childcare.

However.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it's usually very well in check, no medication, but my anxiety and depression get high sometimes. My sleep is very irregular and there are days, in increasing numbers, that I can't work because of it. This affects my coworkers and my kids. It's at the point where if I miss work without a doctor's note, I'll be terminated. I have no insurance and can't get any until November. I've got a lot of medical bills racked up for having to go to the doctor just for a note because I couldn't sleep the night before. I've been very transparent with my directors about my mental health and they go back and forth between being understanding and not (though I think most of that is looking out for the company). They've told me I'm a great teacher and that I'm an important team member, and I honestly believe that. They said parents have started asking why I'm gone so often out of worry and so do my kids.

This weighs on me and makes things worse. I have a psychiatry appointment set up for this coming week and I'm trying to get back into therapy. I'm usually very self aware and I've been to therapy/hospitalized in the past that's helped me, but things are getting bad. I'm questioning whether or not I want to work with children forever and continue making a really low salary. It's something I love and something I've always imagined doing forever. The past couple weeks I've not been able to see that anymore. I want to quit and get a desk job somewhere while I decide my career path, but that would mean having to stop the school program and pay back all the money for my certificate.  It would mean quitting the best job I've ever had and I'm sure they probably wouldn't take me back because of the absences. I'm not sure what to do and I don't know what's best for the kids. When I'm at work I'm working hard and being a really great teacher, but I struggle to sleep and to get up to do it again. When I think about it too much I'm overcome with guilt of leaving my good coworkers and my kids who love me. 

My family (girlfriend and best friend that I live with), supports me either way and has said that if I need to take time to work on my mental health that they could help me out monetarily for awhile. 

I'm trying to be active about getting help before things get worse. I've been like. Really very stable for a couple years now so I don't know why things are acting up now. I just need some reassuring words or advice. I feel really lost. 

TL;DR

Finally working at a great center that is paying for schooling. Keep missing work because of mental health and now questioning whether or not this is the right career path. Want to leave but scared of throwing away the best job I've had.",4.010082564351627,5.355707603072987,5.163216256788381,82.02844750320105,71.56081946222791,8.356757472736103,28.06218817607841,8.841846274778883,2.169341012848249,3102,114,606,58,58,1026,298,781,0.095,0.765,0.141,0.9949,11,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,0,0,4,24,31,37,0,3,50,0,52,18,3,5,7,117,122,56,0,14,24,1,2,2,2,4,8,2,1,9,33,42,2,2,15,1,12,8,17,9,2,2,22,6,61,29,84,90,18,103,0,5,2,5,33,40,0,18,53,384,94,40,0.04444846267044277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043434523294381626,0.03940088029057346,0.0,0.044508714797318175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03698468163391366,0.0,0.0,0.030226478818632337,0.0,0.03400295228209636,0.0,0.04408093131087165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04155331249545497,0.0,0.04176079383279916,0.13671249661483395,0.03711260971629364,0.10838148115274808,0.0,0.07564473589716098,0.05007819645246908,0.23322959660202455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047020579849503315,0.038288414854730585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035488480638023435,0.09836275704314663,0.0,0.028665581292864395,0.0,0.038283395767081986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094178905454047,0.09098976997165577,0.0,0.045486209488484086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957178529802423,0.0,0.12061853762378325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041902054793819234,0.0,0.022474478253047117,0.0,0.0,0.048691118231779004,0.0,0.03780783964097094,0.0,0.0,0.034340772000005175,0.0,0.20900238482397268,0.0,0.05052217130167366,0.03728126164493968,0.03554949604189262,0.1470137610330628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039817091984902304,0.0,0.0,0.18898654925944552,0.0,0.0,0.08937860278384901,0.046962241201264486,0.0,0.0,0.043772782269406105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30875768483078164,0.03950783590498524,0.0,0.0,0.04885542531190694,0.0,0.0,0.14119351234991598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343054736441311,0.0,0.03924880687158703,0.0,0.037325514011791516,0.0,0.048520747634949575,0.1511539738813744,0.1604658917756821,0.0,0.08900908194146902,0.0,0.0,0.09683481272290334,0.0,0.0895542998500627,0.13438078794544328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03267473436843858,0.0659159437314157,0.0,0.0,0.047271444306830696,0.041711871194772834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049354757674610436,0.0,0.12729326120196813,0.0,0.038810683146702586,0.0,0.0,0.042018164236365126,0.0,0.042569340548363525,0.0,0.04792296052175059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958490139890973,0.0945528226388634,0.0,0.0,0.2277985868369605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03795874425828419,0.08456133319024922,0.0,0.0445006652301198,0.08996843442531254,0.035419669986481245,0.0,0.04636944041478011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344168845581642,0.0,0.0,0.0684371962382344,0.04396066612531548,0.04975641491032355,0.09438255195936372,0.0,0.0,0.037160905062899305,0.0,0.04646718397905841,0.0,0.0,0.050439588700305134,0.125676450122831,0.0,0.06683942449748284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083069078558402,0.0,0.1476479177599382,0.08544234038687823,0.04367038889653855,0.0,0.07775476808461015,0.0,0.0,0.0424724108786292,0.0,0.060355176959025786,0.0,0.0,0.0462724171991593,0.0,0.0,0.09790740399997283,0.220047820336215,0.07865056470895465,0.07056224152431764,0.07130775132858294,0.0,0.07992901197299887,0.0,0.08021564808792914,0.0,0.0,0.04284673186721755,0.0,0.35594911222989545,0.045139571421556834,0.09059356159916544,0.06314982518477417,0.0,0.0,0.17174011595803632
bpd,SickPuppyii,2019/09/29,"Mornings are always the worst. Whenever I wake up, it's as if I'm suddenly thrown in the real world with no prior preparation, and within a single hour I get to feel depressed, annoyed and especially angry. People around me think it's just morning grumpiness, which is cool, but my relationships are detrimental from my perspective whenever I get so annoyed I'm shaking at the smallest, most insignificant comment. It's also the time of day I argue the most with my SO and I'm unexplainably rude to them and distant while at night I'm extremely clingy, obsessive and loving.

I don't know... Can anyone relate with my terrible mornings? It's as if time of day is a switch for my general mood a lot of the time.",5.762099673202612,6.7550048014705935,6.8753921568627465,72.68398692810459,67.16176470588235,10.162091503267973,33.49346405228758,10.25414643259724,3.6473130718954248,567,25,99,14,9,191,85,136,0.23199999999999998,0.72,0.048,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,5,12,4,2,9,1,6,2,1,0,0,21,16,14,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,0,2,12,2,18,16,5,18,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,5,10,69,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713718964210625,0.20511943006232167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236834930686126,0.0,0.0,0.2194497606324773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179623258839066,0.0,0.21232218241926232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246449061220498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575868240148412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427666740575529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547767011520775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095774223575608,0.2224885466858291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313367282972446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090179711880896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805869476170195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26466382488726176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795624376621847,0.0,0.0,0.4312329594184893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Arcadient,2019/09/29,"Is it actually happening or is it just my BPD DAE practically have an existential crisis over whether or not the people around you are actually treating you terribly but you can't tell if your BPD is making it up because you're splitting? I don't have friends anymore. I've cut practically everyone out (that didn't disappear on their own, worsening the trauma) trying to be mindful of whether or not they're actually healthy to be around... what makes it worse is when my therapist and family downplay the situations with friends and their toxicity when I'm sure what's happening is wrong... idk I lose my mind over this often.",6.332756410256407,7.70574358974359,7.259049145299147,69.06754807692312,66.09401709401709,11.320085470085473,36.84722222222222,11.20814326018867,4.611240170940171,508,26,89,16,8,170,78,117,0.233,0.7290000000000001,0.038,-0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,2,1,6,9,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,2,1,22,18,11,0,1,10,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,11,4,11,15,1,10,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,5,2,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.4554943688501976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430150057667594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277012635259801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484500825682002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919153100582269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486710134471529,0.0,0.0,0.14667453113309814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404138248891964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751719310952046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406318802811532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771241290499853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141990787794614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786513745577267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488744484466906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663986039937968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599078067620068,0.0,0.0,0.18064967436712187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563404736927216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855747691393707,0.0,0.17011106696823958,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hasniuwu,2019/09/29,"I can't forgive. Is this cause of my BPD? I was dating this AMAZING girl. I loved her. But due to some reasons, she decided to break up with me, but told me that she still loved me. Unfortunately, before telling me she still loves me she decided that it'll be get over her easier if she pretended she hated me. I did not take that well.

Even though she literally told me the next day that that was all a lie and she still loves me very much. And she constantly showed me that she loved me, But I could never forgive her. And from that moment onward I could only see the bad things in her. That's around the time I received my diagnosis. I still loved her. But found that I got angry at her for no reason at all. And i really, REALLY loathed her, in between times of loving her. 

I thought It'd stop once I started my medication but my hate and paranoia never went away. In the end, I had to leave her. I'm in such pain. I can't deny how lovely she was and I can't let go of my hate. I'm at war with myself. 

My question would be, my inability to forgive her, is it because of my BPD?",0.6037481644640259,2.6736498061674046,2.7577808370044075,92.13699430983849,83.97797356828194,5.8978707782672535,19.590491923641704,7.1686216300943375,0.3064773861967698,834,23,190,12,24,282,115,227,0.242,0.606,0.151,-0.9755,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,10,19,4,0,5,0,18,10,0,4,4,37,42,14,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,15,9,0,1,10,2,0,3,7,6,1,0,11,1,55,13,24,23,4,32,0,0,1,8,38,11,0,3,17,144,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812515515984156,0.0,0.0,0.08575317599455479,0.0,0.07620842087822048,0.05563864677149962,0.0,0.07766586497879394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299081195884071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937616254410993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863275368229384,0.0,0.1457467469663658,0.0,0.0,0.05886297677757653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084002123393727,0.0,0.0,0.06028438482846241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000751857679996,0.0,0.0,0.047685923790013116,0.0,0.051872058091203564,0.0,0.07299866479558757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270337013655105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664401306089927,0.0,0.0933319426398963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6590133278431937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194707441217252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067095521653407,0.0,0.14078939561652248,0.0,0.0970689517874219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972018457309189,0.0,0.06941657208743242,0.09711998755951716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022456806047823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694253458490456,0.18768591372529672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273207511764837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460288743066442,0.0,0.29156018191621996,0.07630759234928433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862528709650269,0.0,0.07977586959279465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060637151331894915,0.0,0.08967440992116094,0.07245988055727251,0.1064430326471828,0.0,0.0,0.1744288741047625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530907075210326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206461134615871,0.08461018421959715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648371064829005,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlexJones_Number1Fan,2019/09/29,"Me (25M) struggling with my girlfriend (17F) who has BPD. Is it purely the age gap? My girlfriend is significantly younger than I am (age of consent is 16 in my State), and we met essentially by chance when she was on holiday with her parents. Her parents, incidentally, still don't know about me. That's part of the problem. We've only been dating a few months however.

The problem is she has BPD. She's sometimes very difficult to deal with, it's like dealing with a girl who is even younger than 17 at times, she self-harms, she cries all the time, she needs regular attention and taking care of (more like constant) and it's emotionally a very draining experience. I love her, I really do - when she's happy she's great, she's interesting, smart and fun.

But is this something I'm going to have to deal with forever?

tl;dr: dealing with my much younger girlfriend's mental illness, will it get better in time?",3.3632071428571457,5.618261931428576,4.453910714285716,82.61115178571431,75.39999999999998,7.3464285714285715,28.651785714285715,8.278499904357787,2.1287785714285707,718,31,137,13,16,234,106,175,0.085,0.711,0.204,0.9713,3,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,1,5,14,0,1,7,0,15,2,0,0,2,19,24,7,0,3,1,2,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,22,10,20,20,5,17,0,0,0,1,27,4,0,0,13,86,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469673835042725,0.0,0.0,0.32666998322215074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222353184454766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014450663261452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424539940475556,0.0,0.5348023334542509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587930767834406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565638749830608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268578040422485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775558841638156,0.0,0.07370354895115383,0.0,0.0,0.14297928551135766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805317074407678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127204033858077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671606905154478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170466886593188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069299711726756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351413710313599,0.0,0.09533414031674378,0.09616053428228168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863205562177196,0.0,0.0,0.2880019369335761,0.14043731264569134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481839970554927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830801797674588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529079346338946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998386275385067,0.12826278143691675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356741630670684,0.0,0.0,0.1355759770724402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975077410252552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268628686400037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140090826118507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bigstarlivealittle,2019/09/29,"What is wrong with her? Is she possessed? I know this chick who has like intense anger issues. One second she can be happy and the next she's lashing out, screaming, punching and throwing stuff at the wall, and chucking stuff down the stairs. We try to include her and she always says no and just stays at home all day. But then gets upset when she is excluded. She has gotten fired from jobs because of her attitude and anger. Even people at stores have asked why she always looks angry or sad every time she goes there. What is with her?",3.0175961538461538,5.3825024903846215,2.8756153846153865,92.96938461538464,76.98076923076924,4.929230769230768,20.97692307692308,5.6839178017228535,-0.0018892307692306434,425,11,83,2,10,127,76,104,0.242,0.6990000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.973,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,15,14,10,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,6,0,2,1,4,14,2,10,12,1,14,0,1,1,0,17,7,0,1,6,59,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454930986798466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408552487447164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655595542776865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389003323539986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371231753833633,0.0,0.17491875705167442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846665035699997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100265604294608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824782631623007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668889178264028,0.2060189797520044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409596847019288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142681864086883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433849537218904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207935427739751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068060439942204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392929874705668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650982738304545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128258456531885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753231516165783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105793793491205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095225501294753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733399610433604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22698683889307,0.0,0.0
bpd,mpsunshine37,2019/09/29,How to handle intense feelings towards someone I'm attached to. I tend to get very attached to people I see as romantic interests and when they date someone else I go through very intense emotions and I'm never sure how to handle it.,5.852,6.9220848666666654,6.5177777777777814,75.05000000000003,67.0,7.777777777777778,41.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,3.771666666666668,189,12,30,2,3,62,29,45,0.044000000000000004,0.7909999999999999,0.165,0.5168,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,7,7,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,8,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517781248140896,0.3390305271738877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239514052605374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574672462144739,0.0,0.17129059256706067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324555829258877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895040317631325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401740109025409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107446002678929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284062660790026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973674008508252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyboi1998,2019/09/29,"I got the shit end of the stick in life and feel I can be shitty without repercussions. I'm not an incel but let's just say I'm not sexually active despite being so desperate for a partner. I'm 21, I have a diagnosed intellectual disability, BPD with NPD traits. I feel that my misfortune gives me the right to rebel against the society. All my life I've been rejected, solely because I am different. Being born with a intellectual disability has destroyed me. I can't find a job because I have no motor skills, I can't handwrite without it looking like a grade 2. I can't understand instructions, I didn't learn to be independent with dressing myself and travelling untill age 17. Basically the government is paying me extra for my disability which is good. However I just feel that I need to be shitty and angry, I feel a deep resentment for people because I assume they will judge me or bully me. I'm extremely unstable with my emotions and I just wish someone understood me and my pain. I have outbursts, mood changes, self injurious behavior, etc. Where can I get more help for my BPD and my disability? I need help to be put into society in a healthy way",5.096866591928251,6.492225354260093,6.8841900224215244,70.53058996636773,69.0,10.597421524663677,34.11687219730942,10.686352973137794,4.097367937219731,926,45,164,28,16,322,129,223,0.215,0.672,0.113,-0.9761,3,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,5,9,4,0,13,0,22,5,1,1,1,34,39,10,0,3,9,0,4,1,1,1,4,1,0,2,4,11,0,0,9,1,1,2,9,6,0,0,4,6,33,2,20,27,4,13,0,1,1,0,7,6,1,2,5,112,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689065143793565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703887774261942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555510541338829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924464532673604,0.0,0.15362770748842833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540258119160334,0.13023566407984924,0.0,0.16399082025543418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29739563353406284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343938236469745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682343296374919,0.14105618948404214,0.0,0.1233319445841058,0.11760300704379993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971184521690974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459166041188318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036051876327894,0.2077203801431008,0.0718373470272863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347833797895025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805972117886865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646317111468647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194048398674793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478179327527571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255731575806365,0.0,0.1169337868395426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339698828051584,0.0,0.15093661173933925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458830170572575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307602108883978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671518180217845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909116849166436,0.2834866915495056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisisathroawayk,2019/09/29,"I’m trying to figure out of my fiancé is my FP, or if I’m just getting married and having regular marriage butterflies. So, here’s the points in favor of him being my FP:

-I love him with all my heart.

-I feel safe around him, like i can tell him anything.

-I do worry he’ll leave me if I have a too-bad mood swing, or if he gets cold feet about the wedding.

-He’s always assuring me he won’t leave me.

Points against: 

-I am very much not jealous when he’s hanging around others. He’s on a 3 day magic the gathering tournament this weekend, and I’m just happy to have the xbox to myself.

-I don’t follow his social media at all,  but then again i only use anonymous social media.

-Sometimes i wont read texts from him for hours if I’m busy. If it’s urgent he usually texts me 3 times or so, but one ding is prolly just a meme.

-I don’t mind if he looks at other girls a little. I’m a bi girl in a straight relationship, so if i want to look, he gets to look. Plus bonding over a love for pretty woman is pretty great.

-When I’m having a mood swing or a panic attack, things can be pretty intense. But most nights are relaxed a laid back,

I think he was mu favorite person, but then he went in a 6 month deployment, and still came back to me, even when I was at my worse. His last deployment too. That cured any anxiety I had about being apart.

However, cold feet anxiety rules my life at the moment. Planning a wedding is stressful.

So, what do you guts think? Do we have an FP case here? Or just typical soon to be bride stuff?",1.1054567380162794,3.0112148566978187,3.078916691789772,91.43138076575222,81.11838006230529,5.886483770475332,20.32368606170234,6.968188349444268,0.35480255250728554,1183,32,259,14,31,398,176,321,0.076,0.758,0.166,0.9837,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,1,0,1,24,15,2,2,18,0,27,8,4,1,3,43,50,29,0,8,21,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,8,10,0,1,4,4,0,4,5,4,0,1,5,6,35,9,29,38,4,40,0,0,3,3,34,17,0,13,20,164,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479446276422017,0.0,0.0,0.07747269124087715,0.0,0.17430414169216984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375030728694372,0.2028342430219498,0.0,0.12960577387644318,0.0,0.17520209850711493,0.09512235186062236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302994877342659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347199593005165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524617882474707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760374289528013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856283476077595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256023654515543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127494372019335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500129815460613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219286460258897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286382215812096,0.0,0.24125958023173535,0.0,0.0,0.08046837291915072,0.055657845668602934,0.11418246168554468,0.0,0.0,0.28700412374795425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056429490650133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503145378667555,0.0,0.09093359525004477,0.0,0.0837477505167854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691059774252896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719831375124891,0.08664485523995538,0.0,0.13366606932723174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947463911736087,0.0,0.0,0.21539129873015575,0.0,0.0,0.3477070785263365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395551286815404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223124746675091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226373536053324,0.0,0.0,0.11267442476198933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098039919072706,0.0,0.13050033972969552,0.0,0.13041650605774555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957519457750158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568649734962203,0.14599667387456666,0.0,0.0,0.06643039894998454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734738170118549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839434817399498,0.1254719434208467,0.09399979482353167,0.06719572985636059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560932271762527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569604585672436,0.11609898507028775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Foxwands1,2019/09/29,"Been having a lot of ideation tonight Don't think I'm actually gonna do it, but I've been contemplating suicide a lot tonight. I've been diagnosed for a decade now and have had a back injury for about 5. Everyone I  talk with just tells me to 'stay strong' and things will get better, but they've been getting worse. 

Ive been homeless a couple times in the past, and the last job I did was so rough it gave me further muscle damage in my back. At least I didn't just quit that time but I've been so depressed and injured that I can't do any of the jobs available to me.

All I want is a little stability in my life. A decent wage and an apartment, a chance to heal my back and actually draw instead of constantly worrying about how I'm going to make this all work. I don't even talk with my loved ones about it anymore because I can't come up with a solution.

Sorry if I ranted, and idk if this is an appropriate place to post about ideation, but I just had to get it off my chest. For tonight I'm gonna keep sketching and be thankful my parents still let me crash here. Thanks for listening if you actually made it this far",5.346121112929623,4.7057215106382975,6.0217021276595775,84.0869230769231,67.93617021276596,9.273322422258591,31.268412438625198,8.617729084823388,2.0913338788870703,885,31,198,12,13,290,128,235,0.151,0.732,0.11699999999999999,-0.8576,4,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,4,18,7,0,0,14,0,25,6,1,3,2,32,45,18,1,4,10,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,11,12,0,1,1,0,1,2,5,2,0,1,13,2,21,5,26,27,5,28,0,2,0,1,8,11,0,5,13,131,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.376751795911094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751434866079595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762697286639388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968664949404405,0.0,0.07844888902613703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381680392331454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108559719235502,0.0,0.13906934113156952,0.0,0.0,0.14239423431955994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108414402214266,0.13061873914811833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499924584505708,0.0,0.0,0.1229698436394028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170733620867715,0.0,0.07313810750046182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25541208274575977,0.11438654654312902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490040787471597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159535027551264,0.09089831695556026,0.0,0.12898227237037438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881711149836772,0.11614872580168108,0.12177061326326012,0.08590229643510879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720440761050584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428962168276929,0.0,0.12285019932183708,0.0,0.0,0.13445479002897032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123250482908158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368788064420383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440591300330068,0.0,0.1371675703549904,0.10277286419959326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407671561321844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687403371321367,0.11248167782280606,0.2369629159440943,0.0,0.0,0.08549663645186979,0.08246004892904693,0.0,0.0,0.15008160946181942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590533434397337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368864028757654,0.13069204042880206,0.13114720678820024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spare_Tadpole,2019/09/29,"Can anyone help me rationalise my thoughts? Need to get this out of my head and hopefully get advice.

My current FP, I met about 3 weeks ago online and is now also my domme. She's supposed to be a ""bratty"" domme but she's just the sweetest to me. We talk almost every day however she's been offline for 24 hrs and I'm worried though my worry is irrational. I understand that domination can be taxing and you need time to recuperate but I keep getting intrusive thoughts.

Last thing was that she felt ill and I'm not sure if that was physically or psychologically ill. Her profiles are still there so that's good. 

One to add is that I'm catching feelings for her and I don't know what to do. She has a boyfriend and don't want to jeaporsise this for her but do I tell her?

One last thing to add is that I think I am getting ill again, I'm acting erratically and I don't want to go over the edge, any tips? 

Sorry if this post isn't allowed. Thank you x",1.1680396422528396,3.4005945736040597,3.1030891950688897,89.52348561759729,82.95939086294416,6.188929175731207,22.57892192409959,7.447530270364453,0.8783175731206191,749,26,163,12,21,251,112,197,0.16899999999999998,0.79,0.04,-0.9709,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,0,0,9,4,0,0,4,0,20,4,1,1,1,36,44,17,0,7,8,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,12,0,1,7,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,7,2,27,4,16,35,0,16,0,0,0,0,16,2,0,5,10,104,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167656280665134,0.13759078356924326,0.0,0.15542771885957393,0.0,0.0,0.12412722991385472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555309613703626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085315549193288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010232671112862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307772814986631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848253770833867,0.0,0.14903296274911149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243785607912577,0.0,0.08821357652102903,0.13018891873348465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929774434288102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403889372234924,0.0,0.0,0.1541658154598175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796428047300574,0.0,0.0,0.08530337648169434,0.25304565495039594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301833431341245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035853802128496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865528076733356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737530751754723,0.0,0.0,0.1239567474493225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629048150766208,0.0,0.0,0.12475779745230135,0.13566677390132334,0.14290324861187134,0.0,0.0,0.20623897280607087,0.09945698739995901,0.15250022290709755,0.24645041872080745,0.09050846400814927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158669788904334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310238665839446,0.0,0.1245059667132335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152614335552161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamtoastshayna69,2019/09/29,"FP reasonably expressed annoyance with me... Brain can't handle it... irrationally scared FP doesn't want me anymore. Apologies for the massive emotional word vomit you're about to read.

So... I met my FP online and we've been together for a year and a half. We had plans for him to move here (1300 miles away) by Monday but due to unforeseen circumstances, he has to wait. 

From a rational state of thinking, this is all perfectly reasonable right?

Instead my brain is fixated on the fact that the thing holding him up, he has known for a month but JUST told me a couple days ago. I mean why ELSE would he ""Keep"" it from me besides having second thoughts about moving here? 

Then this morning I very unintentionally let my BPD brain make him feel like I don't trust him. He's pretty much the only person I do trust! So now I'm bouncing back and forth between what a horrible person I am, blowing up his phone and hating myself for it, crying uncontrollably, and being terrified I'm losing him because he's asleep and not responding. 

He has been nothing but patient with me so... Him expressing this mild annoyance with me is hitting me hard. And I'm realizing that... He might feel like this more frequently and doesn't voice it, out of fear of an episode and not wanting to hurt me. I don't want him to walk on eggshells to save my feelings. I don't want him to despise me for it. This makes me want to be a hermit so I don't hurt him. Pain is my best friend, as it's the only one that's never left me. I don't understand how or why he even loves me. 

He's already said he forgives me... But as there was a perceivable tone of annoyance... I am unconvinced. But I also know he was half awake after a shitty day at work trying to deal with my BPD ass, so annoyance is reasonable.

Communication is... Difficult for us, between work, sleep and life... We get maybe 15 min worth of texts a day and a video call once every few months. We do talk every day though. Sometimes actual conversation... Sometimes I only get one or two messages. So any suggestions on ""talk it out with him..."" Etc, isn't much help, because of current circumstances.",3.5389691742081446,5.314543103365388,4.5841685520362,83.98877262443442,73.49519230769229,7.9710407239819006,26.898755656108605,8.671277953709913,1.967063291855204,1665,61,330,32,34,543,218,416,0.163,0.7170000000000001,0.12,-0.9463,1,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,4,0,0,6,19,24,6,3,17,0,33,10,6,6,4,65,61,30,0,6,10,0,4,2,1,2,3,2,0,2,17,21,0,3,15,2,1,3,12,14,0,6,9,6,48,10,47,46,7,34,0,3,0,2,47,12,1,3,20,214,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.08302370828006347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541638009219727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388552228662717,0.06803672533970087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785585496119251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843743653959451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993343999981051,0.06541961456203982,0.0,0.10372533452668198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928395394402558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430514577974508,0.2849250502262963,0.0868739963992332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941370220332003,0.09345402249740058,0.21947269790961074,0.0877115268625097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710716261308986,0.09570112928617544,0.0,0.0,0.09488429127252324,0.056193117067959916,0.0,0.1433635148093183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573623350167967,0.1290537507136205,0.12155926506474735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573093531698304,0.0,0.08889932959093172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621304197149625,0.08399676245266388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702588901521701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821551945744727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562110154029658,0.0,0.0,0.04675656099199178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243733218837674,0.08699786510001249,0.06009300100468312,0.08312947943019385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951803512848487,0.0,0.0,0.07678608064553538,0.0,0.11358025008325112,0.0,0.08547213485231303,0.0926747193033454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025415335600727,0.0,0.0,0.13581665522703504,0.18084857919381594,0.12508401682240086,0.0,0.06561728225574691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163449095636095,0.0,0.0,0.09060513285358207,0.11530190502235407,0.19411661442005265,0.0905288300792959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857339278939027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865547587672001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510087256462243,0.0,0.0,0.2624225962987641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265601843647555,0.08092851730656034,0.0,0.08517776909043512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085139291495611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828833676623015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676470513583644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652194267481388,0.05451445053225841,0.08358855496391979,0.06754230904854136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812955309280491,0.0,0.05776227501143817,0.0,0.0831086964616511,0.08856904154274503,0.10233817733698376,0.0,0.0,0.07019813573770113,0.2509055990125338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535390519431756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387537511131755,0.0,0.0,0.06043686313310826,0.0,0.0,0.05478734555611792
bpd,Mightbbpd,2019/09/29,"FP chose to end our relationship What do I do? I feel lost and like I'll never find anyone to reciprocate my feelings for them. I know coping mechanisms that I should seek, but self destruction seems inevitable.  Who has experience with this? Can I avoid falling apart?",3.3196598639455783,6.37560997959184,3.970510204081634,81.14175170068029,81.85714285714286,7.348299319727893,24.493197278911573,8.344100000000001,2.0465891156462583,215,8,38,5,6,68,42,49,0.231,0.735,0.034,-0.8804,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,10,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,8,1,4,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703519257653215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875845342305525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31761527181751303,0.0,0.0,0.3283523962363188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967665228265092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844458711888206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863020418534662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544443518049929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25042579247852226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34860229672646303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955913038272753,0.33872903968896273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amerilia,2019/09/29,"How do you know yourself? I was having a conversation with my separated husband, and he mentioned that I never say ""Yes"" or ""No"". What he meant by that was that I use non-fully-commital answers to convince myself to go along with what others want. As a result I am looking back at my life and I realize that I really have no idea who I am or much about me because I've always just copied others' interests, attitudes, and values. 

How do you all go about figuring out who you truly are after a life of coping by copying others?",5.850224358974358,5.728956394230771,7.395000000000002,72.91666666666669,66.78846153846155,10.01025641025641,31.756410256410252,9.725611199111238,3.024094871794872,411,15,75,8,6,143,70,104,0.025,0.861,0.114,0.7771,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,9,2,0,4,2,23,16,8,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,14,2,14,13,2,7,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,2,3,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568313439790913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237341871642125,0.0,0.18815736838316072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508392281049807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34844160175363303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696324530751329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360339151040963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25919817353702623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269019380799756,0.0,0.2380590085543752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773665281542707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24546025213543346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665846922338605,0.0,0.0,0.1820567267899429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NinjaTibbets,2019/09/29,"I just needed an outlet... Godfuckingdamnit.
Why do I keep torturing myself by looking up people I don't have in my life anymore on social media? I can see how happy they are without me and it kills me. Like, do they miss me? Do they think about me as much as I think about them? Would they care if I left forever? For five fucking years we were family. Now I don't exist to them. 
I just needed to put this somewhere. I'm sorry.",-0.100833333333334,2.214008159090909,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,92.4090909090909,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.15420757575757538,330,8,69,4,12,112,62,88,0.125,0.7709999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.2406,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,6,0,6,7,3,0,1,0,10,2,0,1,0,13,21,5,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,2,21,3,12,19,1,7,0,1,2,1,8,4,1,1,3,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641332320704695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248749029591613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571622825259409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173874887701168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322968011651233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396191973847568,0.2414255552511104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370941713564786,0.0,0.15413361615082305,0.10661014643213358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324790986688594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041511917506446,0.3236113215177511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128467816415556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193690623079516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389125548671933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244546604531126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442768512687047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796501839659274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690753416131127,0.0,0.0,0.2103540772891732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501559429179415,0.0,0.0,0.1405250453245143
bpd,Excommunicable,2019/09/29,Which songs do you feel represent BPD well? I feel that “Evelyn Evelyn” represents the inner monologue pretty well and “Lucky” by Britney Spears is relatable for high functioning BPD.,9.306,11.233975599999999,7.56666666666667,67.53000000000003,59.66666666666666,11.333333333333336,35.0,11.20814326018867,4.627000000000002,148,6,20,4,2,44,26,30,0.0,0.71,0.29,0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7053681534343789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831800281896633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958637935325769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848880279586289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035556244919048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,again_again_again__,2019/09/29,"My partner is about to breakup with me... I'm not okay, but it'll be okay. My heart is breaking, but I will not break along with it.

Please send me strength.",-0.3204545454545453,1.8159580909090918,0.14265151515151686,108.73397727272727,89.30303030303033,3.3000000000000003,20.37121212121212,3.1291,-0.9952969696969696,119,4,31,0,4,35,24,33,0.091,0.711,0.198,0.7112,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,7,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7336146690219144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6795656829151004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goldnglitter,2019/09/29,"SOS 22, BPD and Losing My Footing! Hey guys, I just need advice or somewhere to vent cause I feel like I'm losing all control... 

So basically I just recently turned 22 and it feels like every thing has been going down hill for the past month, I just moved back to my parents house in my hometown after living on my own in another city for 4 years (since I was in grade 12). I ended my 2 year relationship a few months back and everything was going great, I was genuinely happy, I was working and had my own place, and decided I wanted to go back to college this January and finish the program I was in. I decided I wanted to go to school in my hometown (better program), my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to move back in with them, and since it had been so long since I had been there I agreed. It made sense because I would be paying for school on my own and I would save money living with them.

Well I forgot how dysfunctional my family was and I'm getting overwhelmed. Since I've moved towns I had to quit my job, and look for another, I thought it would be no issue, I'm a young, outgoing, female, with work experience in serving/bartending and reception, also retail and have literally never had an issue! But I was wrong it's been about a month and I've applied to every job in this small city, every type, even had referrals and yet nothing. I have no money, debt, and I have to pay a $500 deposit for school before December to hold my place. I've basically been put into the role of raising my teenage sister again. I have obligations to friends, and weddings to plan.

Now I've been diagnosed with BPD which I've had under control and have never been happier in my life and I've been stable for about a year now because I found how to manage it into healthy outlets (meditation, medication, yoga, poetry).   But unfortunately I ran into some physical health issues concerning my lady parts and been to multiple doctors and still no one has an answer for me and it was starting to way me down. Through this whole month I still managed to stay pretty positive, talking to God, saying the universe will work it out, it will get worse before it gets better... until today.

​

My parents... especially my mom. My parents were very emotionally unstable and mentally unhealthy and it caused for a really dysfunctional and chaotic childhood. I've been here since September and in the past month my mom has tried to kick me out multiple times and targets her stress on to me, I've been good with it, and usually brush it off and find a way to make her happy. It will literally be over something as simple as laundry not being changed over with in an hour etc. Today I had left a new drs appointment hopeless bc I was hoping that I would get some answers about my physical health issue, i was crying in the car while my mom drove but i was silent and calm. My mom decided to nag me about the laundry, and I calmly told her, ""honestly I have bigger stresses right now than clothes"" well my mom just exploded after that she was screaming and swearing at me and I broke. I finally broke. I had a complete meltdown and was yelling about how I'm going through a lot and she never takes the time to understand what anyone else is going through. My appointment was in another town and we were in a town I wasn't familiar with, with a dead phone, and she pulled over and tried to kick me out of her car, she said she didn't care that if I was stranded and that i belonged in a mental hospital, ultimately they only way I was allowed to stay in the car was if I wasn't to talk. When we got home her husband was going off threatening to throw all my things out, and was throwing and banging stuff. I stayed in my room crying because I was still in meltdown mode full on sobbing hyperventilating, during this time my mom came in my room multiple times to ask me why I'm crying and would laugh and close the door when I told her that I'm going through a lot and the way they were treating me pushed me off the edge...she literally would roll her eyes, laugh and close my door, only to come in 10 mins later and do the same thing. But the second time she told me to grab my stuff from downstairs and put it in my room before he would throw it out. While I'm down there she kept antagonizing me, I told her I rather not talk because im in bad mind state, well it got worse... it got to the point that she tried whipping a shoe at my head and just missed. At that point I started freaking out again because it had been so many years since I was put in that kind of situation, me and her were full blown screaming at each other and swearing her husband came down and was literally in my face telling me to shut the fuck up over and over until i was backed into a corner and wouldn't get out of my face. I would push him away from me and my mom would scream at me to not touch him... I went to my room and continued my meltdown.. except this time I started to disassociate, really bad. Thank God for my sister, she helped keep me grounded so that I wouldn't do anything stupid and hurt myself.

Sorry if that was long honestly I feel like I'm using this as a diary, I just i feel defeated. All i had left was my mental health which was so strong and positive, and I know that living here again will put me into a bad state. I talk to God everyday, I manifest, I try to look at everything with understanding but right now I feel as everything's failing, and the more I try to do right and get on the right path, the more roadblocks and devastation I meet. I don't even know if theres advice to give someone in my situation. I'm stuck. Anyways if you're still reading thank you, thank you for taking the time. Please send me positivity and prayers because I really need them",6.1611055809399495,5.789115469973893,6.703450690818106,78.97863556625326,66.1888598781549,9.792216057441253,31.704212902523928,9.313329249166786,2.5721323868581383,4541,158,914,75,64,1489,417,1149,0.11699999999999999,0.794,0.08900000000000001,-0.9897,8,0,1,0,1,3,121.0,2,2,5,14,53,53,3,3,42,0,91,15,6,11,6,176,168,91,1,23,22,15,7,3,1,16,8,6,7,1,46,90,0,6,19,2,7,31,15,24,3,2,76,17,157,29,147,71,20,195,0,11,3,1,69,89,2,11,69,634,203,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391752226310458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03024586366817545,0.0,0.04097961167113373,0.0459572984062776,0.0,0.11897751495553582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02644569298826121,0.03875262675977007,0.03112389637246438,0.0,0.03535802477525801,0.0,0.03553457219893265,0.1454121089300461,0.09473819257851378,0.13833392089489305,0.0,0.09655000836319183,0.0,0.0,0.0669001390412367,0.0,0.0,0.09526978540309526,0.0,0.0,0.0865155085031123,0.03856157024229222,0.07770625892474435,0.04001016350856705,0.03257989892350935,0.03965515434720178,0.0,0.08484012326571085,0.0,0.0,0.12463552337003495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838805654869625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387119383238668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03159503494469838,0.042544130318262936,0.033498649324463496,0.0,0.04218100332947043,0.04996152737926029,0.0,0.09559881010431708,0.0,0.10197465655077376,0.03699671346783668,0.03565477220850037,0.0,0.09561850923066063,0.08105912520909953,0.0,0.04143163712790809,0.034568192987164736,0.0,0.0,0.0414693551900677,0.029220820056414975,0.03496539479620275,0.11856112957705167,0.036281857661307926,0.17195877558784714,0.06344580943041954,0.09074799718563906,0.04169837005958275,0.0,0.03744926073458906,0.0,0.08052344339247658,0.0,0.0,0.03881580102437188,0.1206075524960293,0.0,0.0,0.025350974140789545,0.0,0.037938078107809414,0.03756531294484545,0.037246588226460216,0.04364096730365394,0.04048872982967185,0.04269590342352909,0.04085374232580215,0.15790340282469054,0.07506406461745238,0.03361751342683183,0.0,0.03938530308993709,0.04157144725280605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218640545264612,0.0,0.026714464970561843,0.05543306697445235,0.0,0.1001913110477064,0.06694172729073827,0.06352111877109759,0.0846252348118446,0.0,0.06430902414772482,0.0,0.0357876459258931,0.0252461647901409,0.03834509483207682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038101212185860565,0.1143456187762018,0.0,0.038188963330779625,0.31007282962908417,0.150943920998335,0.12059490172921887,0.0,0.0560883701340256,0.08751088607546885,0.03652826910332622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03629077783739571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025628847380401932,0.057529955340660785,0.0,0.0,0.16798533159796647,0.040957031026764935,0.0722098594633881,0.0,0.0,0.07903089735114087,0.04151668206180572,0.07150714120530148,0.0,0.0,0.03847809283050451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208433505942834,0.0,0.04022785242212859,0.03783176478263554,0.0,0.07268832128032211,0.0,0.0373441977944596,0.04060616862790159,0.0,0.129197518976991,0.035976935825473746,0.030077198493937567,0.0,0.11483222187458532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877181614247572,0.08502596817446033,0.0,0.0,0.032046059412817296,0.029116861386265656,0.0,0.042338106049178766,0.08031082024799525,0.12093815516310236,0.12081729002426375,0.0,0.08664886906208777,0.0,0.08659320566014699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056874166833377725,0.1215980518022654,0.03305768404377003,0.10446294930420276,0.0,0.0,0.07538083133192569,0.0,0.0,0.06005213981466843,0.15437826700671636,0.0,0.07170077567539543,0.14456036988875598,0.0,0.12839168011369326,0.04113896363096356,0.0,0.07874709261351444,0.0,0.032665658223715414,0.041655071622639976,0.031206723026154362,0.0446162363248646,0.12008387943981386,0.0,0.0,0.102018292256928,0.035060936986254385,0.034128047827313435,0.04222638726951258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260357230791167,0.0,0.07708673997656662,0.2686732957427502,0.04135190544699047,0.0459572984062776,0.09742330049883298
bpd,kameklo,2019/09/29,"I can only remember experiencing things very deeply, and cannot wrap my head around typical people having shallower daily experiences. Can I ever experience things like them? I am male, early 30s, and am seeing a therapist for my BDP.

I had a strong emotional experience from day 1 as a child. I was a happy toddler, and the adults in my life adored me, and things were great until I experienced parental abuse at home and bullying at school. After that I only remember wanting to cry all the time. Though I am %100 sure that I got beaten and bullied, I am not %100 sure that I ended this way because of that. As horrible as it sounds, I know children who went through more horrible shot, yet ended up very well adjusted as adults. So maybe I was born that way. Yet again, I know adults who feel things as deeply as I do, yet are in tune with their emotions, and are very successful.

My life would be several orders of magnitude better if my inner world was as calm as your average guy. I am perpetually amazed how typical people live their lives without experiencing things like I do.

Why cannot I just bring the volume down? :D Food for thought.",5.389648318042814,6.572847169724772,6.208275229357799,76.43779510703365,68.12844036697247,9.850030581039755,29.212232415902143,10.047579312681364,2.8615788379204887,905,32,170,22,15,298,131,218,0.10400000000000001,0.711,0.185,0.9458,2,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,1,3,4,11,14,1,0,7,0,21,4,1,1,4,27,30,20,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,7,14,9,1,0,7,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,8,6,28,13,26,20,2,27,0,0,1,0,14,9,0,1,15,117,42,3,0.0,0.13008856079928874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774040685018977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692972460290117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710433680242206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060413239111553,0.0708083868612029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24700812994390275,0.19449072441681428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931543555596677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222003460664652,0.0,0.0,0.055515411823920974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276397790456582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878127131886117,0.1210488536617817,0.0,0.10871384363287363,0.0,0.11687831564676028,0.0,0.0,0.11268086045690015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013286271188648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068040136396045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155102242905592,0.1072801199443553,0.0,0.19390115779691336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103033597913494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670073706777921,0.0,0.0,0.12191382896305222,0.0,0.0,0.1522354012479053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487515919272675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111792300667704,0.08749202289936503,0.0,0.0,0.12403656377681868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069600847260745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747990829686942,0.3647130254637195,0.0,0.1078725653519197,0.08716459029592333,0.06402207165670021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27177595024402584,0.06475965672172422,0.17429957008725486,0.0,0.0,0.0987184655946024,0.10178062654318827,0.09907248320036828,0.0,0.0,0.10583800603225126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799488184483294,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mylegsarenumb,2019/09/29,"If it's not one end of the spectrum, it's GOT to be the other. Well I decided to post on here because I came across this page. Currently I am on a 6 month LOA from work because I had a bad nervous breakdown. That is not why I am posting. I am posting to yell at myself really. I have BPD, OCD, Depression, generalized anxiety, and PTSD. I am just a crockpot of awesome. (I mean, at least I am funny.) My boyfriend is new to this. I mean, he has never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl till me new. I always sit there and think about how much it sucks to have to have the people you love deal with this. My last boyfriend came out as a woman. I was very proud of her but with my BPD, my idea of what was lying to me was jacked up and so I felt like I had been lied to. (Please know that I think about that time together with her often and I am so proud of her for being the beautiful flower she deserved to be.) I am attempting to recover myself but it is so hard. The only positive reinforcement I got as a teenager was sex. So, now that I am older, if me and my current  boyfriend don't have sex or he turns me away, I immediately go to moving to a different room of the house or something being so wrong we need to break up. I came on here once and saw my ex had posted my diagnosis as well as my coping skills for everyone to see. I was heartbroken. Those were such deep details and to put my crappy abilities to deal with my BPD on all the other good people that can handle BPD, hurt. So I guess this post is just to say that it fucking sucks to have the thought of black and white. For my ex and my current boyfriend, I am so sorry. They won't see this but idk where else to vent where I can hide my face and name. My poor boyfriend thinks something is wrong with him, when it is me.",2.7820853033884947,3.607967986702128,4.245898345153666,89.4251851851852,73.92021276595744,7.485263987391647,24.830181245074854,7.793537801064563,1.0458350275807722,1377,41,316,18,27,459,182,376,0.15,0.76,0.09,-0.973,5,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,1,1,1,5,23,17,3,1,16,0,40,6,1,1,3,50,64,31,0,3,11,2,2,1,1,1,0,2,1,2,21,20,0,0,10,0,1,6,6,9,2,1,19,9,55,8,53,40,4,43,0,2,5,5,20,15,3,6,16,231,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282637965217409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695506903917804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223100191444795,0.0,0.0730782822962957,0.1067067572978288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409300251041877,0.0,0.0,0.300309944869516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804653154766588,0.07538367214039803,0.0,0.0,0.0914431984012658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311446904382829,0.0,0.07751964710058107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363224401947815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403607353125682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091386130469135,0.0,0.0,0.04974149655372494,0.07341037409327864,0.14000072358694382,0.0,0.09641675951916304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840366685430862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009901131158945,0.0936954806012078,0.09880312886571807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810050532611375,0.07134315413823877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275945325377925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899317663021813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19067701879144425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986024645013847,0.09302339460147796,0.06433968078199855,0.06489740253588673,0.13500669714217198,0.16906105691950962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320943591517372,0.0593080391176407,0.06656539779446226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135524320081895,0.0,0.0,0.09607427783268538,0.0,0.0,0.4191155391040412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231002972207467,0.08798506970491289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606965382799528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960202456047862,0.0,0.0,0.13948944371741734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347593926834242,0.0,0.0979751454469091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824414986120376,0.0,0.06948370725305962,0.05103552795494089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520019484567713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221587153325645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738787827853534,0.0,0.0789761461180185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371798966712718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913859323782534,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sora107,2019/09/29,"I feel useless when no one loves me Literally the only time I've felt complete in my life was when I was dating my ex. Everything stopped hurting for a while. Physically AND mentally. Things got bad after a while and that wasn't so fun, but I still loved her so much more than words can say.

She's been gone for over 2 and a half years now, and 8 still feel empty.

It's almost as if Love was the medication that took this illness away, and now it's gone. I want love. I want to be in love again. I need someone to love me.

I just want to fawn over someone, and have our worlds revolve around each other. I feel worthless unless someone wants me.",1.9246741854636609,3.7669982030075246,3.105432330827071,92.5388001253133,78.24812030075188,5.937092731829575,22.36152882205514,6.816661863887847,0.4146746867167917,503,15,112,5,12,162,87,133,0.14,0.633,0.22699999999999998,0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,11,11,0,0,5,0,8,9,0,0,0,24,27,16,0,6,4,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,4,0,2,10,5,16,7,15,16,3,24,0,3,0,6,11,7,0,2,14,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654824626393166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250226648013747,0.0,0.0,0.11873529141867682,0.0,0.10551946276727127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250381294330146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357944121846213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169992808630945,0.0,0.1213416770817916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010751804484626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528912374643873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926376728601702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6843607127905875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731146746235153,0.12735822728575538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290158905497904,0.0937068967058252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856362824744579,0.09611535456844474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050001188257823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212363032175789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184956862765666,0.10565677725598402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395922075991827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369140766082828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040942587380534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981615645957586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138260333443463
bpd,jessicawang1234,2019/09/29,"I can't control myself (needing hugs) After 3 years, here finally comes the end of my relationship with my friend.

I've been ""too needy, too envious, too controlling"". She asks ""you know I still care about you when I can't answer your calls right?"" But for some reason my brain doesn't work that way...I only know somebody cares about me when they answer my calls.

\#I hate you don't leave me",2.1001623376623364,4.491873480519484,2.7221915584415584,92.68900162337664,80.42857142857143,5.927922077922077,18.715909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.2006636363636365,306,7,64,4,8,95,56,77,0.10400000000000001,0.762,0.134,0.3287,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,1,3,9,6,2,0,1,0,5,2,1,3,0,12,13,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,17,4,6,12,1,9,0,0,0,1,11,1,0,1,7,39,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546127313305734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095198849721599,0.3832972155628166,0.0,0.3827172050321659,0.0,0.0,0.1616750534001955,0.0,0.0,0.42101209373504994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623427626594015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056010720241528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500590238508693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530127828148116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062948682038719,0.0,0.0,0.1987325995390785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916694858137008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427438222514031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929726857885736,0.0,0.2015047528755864,0.0,0.16028300017764327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988645193620306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897657959679225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663779820478753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086376746864615
bpd,Not_for_the_weak,2019/09/29,"My girlfriend of 1 year relapsed (alcohol) which resulted in a week of verbal abuse, culminating in her being admitted to a voluntary facility. I feel like utter dog shit right now. I guess I'm just needing a little support as the non-BPD half. I work in healthcare so I'm not a stranger to mental health or healthcare systems. 

That said, I let my guard down last week. My girlfriend bought some alcohol despite being a few months clean, and started to drink and hide it from me. We live together, and have been down this path before. This is the first major episode while living together however. She knows what mixing alcohol with her meds (namely Latuda) can do, but went ahead and drank anyways. 

The medication in conjunction with exercise, proper nutrition and abstinence seemed to be working. Something triggered this event, which caused her to start drinking again. She was talking about self harming and suicidal ideations while I was at work.

I have for a while now learned to let the ""Fuck you's"" and the ""you don't care's"" roll off my back while being reasonable and not inundating her with facts or logic. I realize she is in an illogical state when Mr. Hyde came out. 

I listened, I reasoned, I pleaded and I cried. Sometimes I was at work when receiving the verbal abuse. When I finally got home after a long 3 days stretch, I told her this was the end. If she wouldn't respect the relationship by not drinking and taking care of herself then I couldn't continue to support her self destruction. 

Long story short, we agreed to her going to a facility that she's been to before. One that admits on a voluntary basis. It's been 5 hours and I just got a call from her. She's scared and alone and wishing to God she was at home with me and the pets. 

I feel like such a piece of shit. In our phone call I mentioned that we have to nip these things in the bud and admit her (if necessary) *before* she starts descending into depression, or when she becomes triggered. There is a certain amount of game playing here. 

She's alone there suffering and I'm wondering if just a little at home therapy like last time could have worked. At the same time ... this was an unfortunate way for me to establish boundaries because I can't keep dealing with this long term. 

I'm there for her and support her - but I am not a mental health professional and am trying to do my best. I just hope that another viewpoint could do her some good. At the very least maybe she can see that breaking the rules that she herself set forth could very well be the undoing of the relationship. 

TL:DR. I miss my best friend, and am just trying to cope with the feelings that I ""made"" her admit herself and be away from me. I banished her. It was her idea though and now I feel lonely and afraid just like I imagine she is right about now. =(",3.6019444444444453,5.796379398148147,4.181203703703705,85.1229166666667,74.46296296296295,7.462962962962964,27.36111111111111,8.344100000000001,1.9492777777777768,2225,87,426,40,48,704,258,540,0.12300000000000001,0.752,0.125,-0.6875,1,5,7,0,2,0,70.0,4,2,0,9,27,29,4,2,32,0,41,14,2,7,2,93,84,42,1,12,18,0,4,4,4,1,7,2,5,3,22,34,7,2,18,6,1,4,8,11,1,3,19,7,73,18,59,52,11,74,0,4,1,1,62,26,3,12,43,302,95,7,0.0,0.16454153687817025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261915352106207,0.0,0.1438303193101314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281010972664621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523777459616549,0.053392298254353834,0.0,0.04232777917339465,0.07668703798499253,0.17725576229239068,0.0,0.1457384159237628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745270311906092,0.0,0.14180463634180396,0.07941673268502457,0.14159005564819635,0.07133030019418686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631792320997932,0.0,0.0762726145003249,0.04478072755367919,0.07158586968051778,0.05980546140545636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406368398773767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061500032184740434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043650150032935,0.0992107425176287,0.0,0.07606417178653345,0.0,0.0590625583014763,0.0,0.0,0.053646383068395885,0.06419282414912904,0.0,0.0,0.039462300892599236,0.058239949977747375,0.11106924926157792,0.0,0.07649201248147139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476152722534158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895108355490474,0.06896600315913909,0.06838085776271115,0.0,0.0,0.07838523306627865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171825430021913,0.0,0.0,0.03816042430920845,0.11319985164456955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200682752439234,0.0,0.13569245215460307,0.1391870097830673,0.12262720991888765,0.18434706171314225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570239160810615,0.0,0.0,0.06975818715873451,0.0,0.0771281765497578,0.06994985836628438,0.13995110005395414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554234644482174,0.0,0.0,0.05148620374244677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047051895241682636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278434813031018,0.0,0.14909739514131534,0.0,0.1185965962136716,0.06604990815433162,0.0,0.06951794018297239,0.0,0.055331813281619034,0.06321228207749541,0.14487459764492638,0.0,0.14255091407425458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345552577447518,0.06867436570442195,0.0,0.14744230378350384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595214124249362,0.2363867792979576,0.0,0.0,0.052207524202754506,0.05581034049318962,0.0,0.0,0.0794065639967037,0.0,0.046130452486038837,0.0,0.06822090113434773,0.0,0.08097783540530483,0.0,0.0,0.0663494467693651,0.0,0.09428550247222836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458458828590465,0.0,0.05511537479381135,0.1113953682671578,0.0,0.062431654049321515,0.06436822966193831,0.0,0.0,0.0798484223032555,0.0,0.07530080355669758,0.2527525963960372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044714758930939576
bpd,lokikimo,2019/09/29,"Apps for Mood Tracking & Community? XPosted:

Alternative to (now defunct) Stigma App?

A couple of years ago there was a ton of buzz about an anonymous community app called Stigma that let users track moods, create journal entries, and connect with others based on shared experiences and a few other factors. I downloaded it about a year ago and loved it, but the developer has run off and there is no more support and very few active users. 

Does anyone know of a similar app or something else that gives that sense of community?",5.578552631578948,8.01223215789474,5.80967105263158,74.56082236842106,69.52631578947367,8.118421052631579,30.822368421052627,8.841846274778883,2.8223947368421047,425,18,69,8,8,135,71,95,0.027999999999999997,0.83,0.142,0.8859,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,11,6,4,8,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,45,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43259042716200746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643787086816869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061357776003086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491558144641257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699862717046179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352992966856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383439956596933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868316299792885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340712926722565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409845889861827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24951107159869396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022353357414184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878465388091273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27689334680881805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132921712514373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142617185844704
bpd,tinkeratu,2019/09/29,"How do you cope with not being able to let go of someone? It takes me SO long to get over people that I've had a romantic interest in. I was recently seeing a guy for a very brief period of time (2 weeks really), and he broke it off with me. That was nearly a month ago and I am STILL struggling to even think about him without getting upset. I'm so tired of having the smallest of relationships utterly ruin me. How can I 1) stop getting so attached so quickly? 2) try and actually just get over people when things end?",2.4546436058700216,4.152536896226419,4.588238993710693,83.14470649895179,76.26415094339623,7.729979035639412,24.985324947589106,8.515128840125781,1.7380180293501049,405,14,82,8,9,140,77,106,0.139,0.7909999999999999,0.07,-0.8290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,2,5,0,9,1,0,2,0,12,18,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,1,8,1,17,13,0,19,0,2,1,0,5,5,0,0,12,59,13,0,0.1956229378677036,0.0,0.19089976841083803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734079312070592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732638589866185,0.0,0.0,0.1292071054977509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088196439874717,0.0,0.1111770237225882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369746428350565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003770782926794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173120144118063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614436265430928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712406277850029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532106320965786,0.0,0.19315405101728725,0.21002582542913534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588615409341364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657506804348775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562247308775985,0.16354953547271395,0.0,0.20450756895282168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708410370150946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996318750729238,0.12534727967759549,0.0,0.0,0.1140693082286519,0.2248397897822405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281513378527995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140941103226608,0.0,0.0,0.15691692096376034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885735312836492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Queenofthebullies,2019/09/29,"Mom here... I’m trying to understand this ride my son and I are going on. What are things that (relatively normal, non abusive) parents can do to have healthy communication with BPDson? I always want him in my life, what do I have to do to make that happen?",1.4824666666666673,4.05052938,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,85.2,5.7333333333333325,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.619733333333333,199,6,40,3,6,66,37,50,0.0,0.91,0.09,0.5204,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,6,14,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,7,14,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,29,12,0,0.0,0.3738525861054319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26254703152259473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793235133483941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27902298177344576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286884513417365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106193628450349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695460414052871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091533426937893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503597853632459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096247462777576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142248066978469,0.0,0.0,0.3284788523331349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610833260020954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madeitforreaons,2019/09/29,"Wanting to cheat, so badly. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and honestly, things are hell recently. We don't get along, we fight everyday, and I panic everyday. I have the worst time of my life around him. I'm scared to be around him now and most times I just get so drunk that I can't think properly. 

We haven't had sex in over a month, and I don't feel comfortable around him anymore. I've tried breaking up with him so many times. But he won't allow it. I want to be with someone else, I want to get fucked passionately by someone different, but I don't want to cheat. I want to get out of this relationship. I want to be with someone different. I want to cheat so badly, and think about doing so almost every day now.

 I feel like it's going to happen soon, I just don't know when or how. And I know I'm going to hate myself so much when I do cheat on him, but I just cant do this anymore.",1.6109391191709823,2.9808523056994822,3.3599708549222815,92.45788374352331,77.75647668393782,6.897538860103627,21.38892487046632,7.645422480735847,0.5584821243523308,697,18,165,10,16,233,95,193,0.271,0.691,0.038,-0.9901,2,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,3,0,0,0,19,17,8,2,2,0,18,5,0,2,0,42,42,19,0,7,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,18,1,0,6,1,0,2,8,13,0,0,2,2,27,4,28,36,3,25,1,0,0,3,11,8,2,3,15,109,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051707204784165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387175095448219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214215326221378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098100245893813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761832579748089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251488473801601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054026190094556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140337368545524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170912268279342,0.08598086895877838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112652654581118,0.2515198361559635,0.0,0.13679981968708915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642857950536347,0.0,0.0,0.11882458521869706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228674067663276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500953739678051,0.05879884905269778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201999091887385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606535568700013,0.0,0.08847398389185736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120940074892085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883498256316058,0.129215075589851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049527608553592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30592647343774004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995780072922005,0.15423587252118792,0.0,0.0,0.2105380267659584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171241568257348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969150477427069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750398254465908
bpd,SuSuTheClown,2019/09/29,"Titles are tools of the establishment and so is this ~1800 word ventpost This'll be odd for me, I'll prefix this by saying that. I'm not sure if this will qualify as NSFW (so I'll tag it anyway since it involves brief mentions of certain sexual subcultures), but I think this would definitely be classed as a vent.

I don't really do subreddits or social media in general. I find that the most active part of my BPD is the emotional dysregulation side; anger and depression come to me like pamphlets in a shopping centre. That being said, I feel like maybe people here will be able to connect with this in some way, and if anyone can gain something positive from my own misery then I guess it wouldn't be a total waste feeling this way.

I've been attempting to make a lot of changes in my life over the past few years.   
From when I was first placed on antidepressants four years ago for ""low mood.""  
To when I was diagnosed with ""anxiety with depression"" two years ago.  
And, finally, to now when I'm currently being bolted back and forth between health professionals for ""Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder."" BPD, for those who haven't had the misfortune of stepping in the UK heyhowareyou.

Changes ranged from little things like aggressively and loudly calling myself out in public and in the presence of others when I so much as thought something negative about myself, so as to painstakingly change my entire subconscious patterns of self-hate...  
...to very significant life-changes like eating a banana or two a day.

Needless to say: after four years of treating symptoms and understanding myself better, I've improved a lot, or so I like to think.  
The problem comes in where I feel I've been left with really ugly marks all over my personality from this disorder that just doesn't feel like it can ever fully heal.  
Death to the idea that trying your best is all you need to do to feel okay again.

In my past, before I received help for anything, when I was a stupid teenager, I hurt people. I manipulated people. I played with people like toys who were too dumb to keep up with me. It felt great having control over those people. That way, I knew everyone, nobody could get a one-up on me, nobody could leave me behind because I was the one who was leaving them behind after forcing them to spill their ugly souls all over the ground. They were as ugly as mine, so it was only fair.

I spent years trying to justify what I would do to other people to myself.  
Eventually, my best friend abandoned me for a guy she started dating. We were always together. Always talking. Then she left. She pretended she hadn't, but suddenly our chats dried up, she was clearly always distracted with something else, she only talked to me properly when they had a fight, etc.  
I hated her. I still hate her.   
I loved her so much, I would have done anything for her.  
She seemed to treasure what we had and, looking back, in the end, I was the one that abandoned her. But to me, she had already tossed me away as I did with all the people we mocked and hated.   
To this day I just want her to hurt for what she did, even though I know maybe she didn't do anything. It's a terrible way to feel. I can't stand it.

When I left secondary school and went to college, I saw a counsellor for the first time.  
I really looked at myself.  
I saw myself as the scum I hated.   
I lived day after day, going over and over in my head, thinking about the people I'd hurt, thinking about the people who just wanted to be my friend who, in my head, I had already decided wanted to hurt me and had to be punished.

I didn't look in the mirror for a long, long, long time. I started looking for more things to hate when I did.

Eventually, the counselling started working a little bit. I began trying ways people with depression improve their self-image.

Nowadays, I think I have a lot of good traits.

* I listen to really cool music, I think. I prefer indie producers because I dislike how monetary incentives quash creativity.
* I'm a quick study. I usually pick up on new things fast, especially mechanical things like coding languages and video game movement patterns.
* I'm really good at card games and deckbuilding. My current poison is Yu-Gi-Oh!, the new Link format really made me think about what would work and what wouldn't.
* I'm pretty smart, I'm a university student with above 2-2 in all his modules.
* I'm empathetic now, even to those I know I should be resentful towards.
* Hang on I need to think of more things to jerk myself off about.

Despite everything, though, a lot of things have never left me. Not even a year ago, I had my first experience with what having BPD and being in a relationship really felt like. My best friend, my boyfriend at the time, was and is an amazing guy, and I still maintain a nice dynamic with him today - though with a lot of space involved (though I don't think he knows I've intentionally cultivated it as such).

At points, I was miserable with the relationship, simply because of ridiculous things like he was too quiet around me or that he wanted to hang out with his friends without me, even though they'd be doing/playing something I had no interest in 99% of the damn time.

When he became distant because of life issues at one point and we began having issues with contact, I ceased to function. I couldn't keep going. I was having meltdowns that lasted days, weeks.  
It didn't help that he had, apparently, cheated on me.  
With 4 different guys.  
In one week.  
Yeah, that didn't so much throw a wrench in the works so much as it threw a Molotov at a crate of thermite.

I didn't register at the time why he did what he did.  
I didn't understand how much he hated our relationship despite loving me.  
I didn't understand he was afraid of even talking to me about issues lest I have a breakdown.

He's a good guy, and so am I (Press \[X\] to Doubt), but Jesus if that wasn't us at our worst as human beings.

Our relationship existed in limbo after that until I chalked up the courage to officially break up with him. Up until that we were...well, I don't know, really. Nobody had ended it, but it had basically already ended. I speak his praises but he was admittedly a coward for allowing me to stay invested instead of putting his foot down. 'Can't blame him, I was about as stable as the shit you see in Chemistry class.

That aside, I've just been noticing how seemingly bizarre some things are, despite me supposedly having 'better self-esteem'.

Despite having a lot to talk about I keep to myself a lot and, honestly, tend to categorise talkative people more negatively, like I'm compensating for my own anxieties that somehow people will laugh at me, mock me, or see me for the dangerous and volatile creature that I am.

I avoid public places where people my age gather so that nobody that knows me will find me, and become extremely uneasy when someone does. Solely because if someone knows who I used to be, that automatically means in my head that they hate me, resent me, still laugh at me, and want to humiliate me.

I'm absolutely repulsed at the idea of 'belonging' anywhere. After all, if I stick around with a certain group of people for too long, they'll get to *know* me. And *that* can't happen. If someone knows me, they'll get sick of me.

I'm noticing I have a lot of, I think they call it, 'Internalised Homophobia' where I daydream about literally any character in media being gay, like me, then immediately snap out of it and cringe at myself for what is 'weird and wrong to think.'

I feel like an alien no matter where I go. Like I'm holding so many dark secret layers beneath my skin that when someone touches me they'll *feel* the *lie* that I'm just a normal person like them.

And to top all that off, I refuse to engage in any sexual practises. With my ex, it was fine, we only did things on camera so the physical thing wasn't there. In-person? I'm in danger. I can't stop thinking. Am I doing this wrong? What if I get caught by a predator?   
Honestly, for that exact reason, I've avoided the BDSM community, one I hold a vested interest in, like the plague.   
The neverending chant is: ""I'm not safe.""

I feel there're these issues I have no idea where to even *begin* combatting, solely because, well, haven't I already done the hard stuff? Haven't all the techniques and readings that solve these issues been...learned?   
How do you unabashedly be yourself when who you are is someone you know the people of the world around you will reject?

It's gotten to this point where I'm a doomer about more than just climate change like the average moody guy.  
I feel like I'll never be able to have a sexually intimate relationship. Never have a community to say I belong in. Never have public places I feel safe. Never be able to form real relationships beyond what I have now. 

I really want myself to be right and that this is all just how it is. Not because I wanna be miserable, but just because I can't fathom any other explanation that explains all of these seemingly unrelated issues. Maybe, also, because I'm just tired. Disenchanted with the whole ""getting better"" fight. 

Sometimes, it does get to a low point where I wanna do bad stuff to myself, but hey, it'd seem like a lot of people here know that feeling, so I don't feel as alone in it.

Aaahhh sheeet that's gonna warrant a self-harm flair. And I'd gotten so far in without needing one! 

This is so sad can we get six billion likes?

Anyway, I'm really glad I finally got to vent about all this somewhere. Input is welcome, but it's not exactly what I'm looking for so much as just a place to leave my thoughts and maybe get a ""bitch, me too, the fuck..."". I hope that if anyone reads this they took the dry humour as what it was and I didn't upset anyone on accident. I think I'm just someone who finds a lot of comedy in his own shitty life.

Thanks for the time.

Your TL;DR for this post is: local man whines about how Things Hard and that makes him sad emoji.",4.547229388297872,5.956148726041665,5.410950797872342,80.52216090425533,70.33333333333334,8.217641843971633,27.26285460992908,8.677416152460996,1.9999117907801407,7814,262,1475,133,141,2553,653,1920,0.158,0.695,0.146,-0.9922,4,3,4,0,2,0,290.0,12,8,14,18,105,126,28,8,91,3,150,21,6,17,24,270,290,119,1,33,40,1,20,20,4,16,10,9,0,10,113,71,1,14,62,10,3,17,44,59,1,15,72,39,222,66,247,178,48,222,3,17,9,4,138,104,5,34,112,1044,335,14,0.07679594892077883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807497511585947,0.0,0.0,0.02651248087851099,0.11299498571509692,0.020471230868778226,0.06390038149728895,0.0,0.0,0.0522238787114292,0.0,0.03916579381642672,0.0,0.0,0.05369751308015957,0.0,0.06319652252288446,0.06836467622615487,0.0,0.0,0.024050773993041025,0.0393675629260346,0.021373803193306968,0.1404422930036381,0.02827169734390688,0.02178256541422587,0.0,0.08059261045882425,0.06791977606383567,0.02794709541503408,0.0,0.09672180929608266,0.0,0.052278166766629115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135399885297911,0.04410194001147874,0.0,0.0,0.02871106226891122,0.04087687751333647,0.0,0.0,0.08254505647260285,0.0,0.0661442382752605,0.025982090537521763,0.0,0.026745140479228942,0.05867654050147165,0.0,0.044803101612893886,0.052392612486615725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026193809291874214,0.021384387027459387,0.05759007072249266,0.06801841649853951,0.0,0.02854926104632481,0.1014459999646609,0.0231554441499648,0.0,0.02446060673729819,0.02300641568620796,0.025040391343925168,0.0,0.0,0.16826480334919372,0.07315072167141405,0.049157436117964234,0.05608413885759039,0.07019010603767148,0.06532259492078578,0.0,0.0,0.07910981284747437,0.023665539101275144,0.10699390313387898,0.0,0.04364490753501598,0.0644127983956314,0.02047357859846404,0.028222601599558205,0.02819979859602498,0.12673343878910145,0.02263680133604287,0.0,0.04586272398092592,0.1769135677046645,0.0788147992245191,0.027210167520772537,0.0,0.0,0.034316470514980366,0.0,0.0,0.025425235079697232,0.0,0.0,0.1096155355350512,0.08669327869652943,0.0,0.1603100369187568,0.0,0.06825976796149864,0.0,0.0,0.14068348379763193,0.02086631606306617,0.0,0.08131582144744542,0.11125203093912013,0.0,0.07232433313169795,0.2501241435298524,0.05131314389219682,0.022604076621351492,0.0906159975564131,0.107482092565805,0.0,0.0,0.21763056507774775,0.04620756147668788,0.02422206123906801,0.03417459482329082,0.025953012868287915,0.10286913702403293,0.027884433959536343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290771742381295,0.05694322304682203,0.09871628354630377,0.04944667067569035,0.0,0.0,0.025081241539505698,0.0,0.058288464564285984,0.0,0.0,0.12142415246149835,0.05840677971224612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02772084299020436,0.04887361525842057,0.2839500878396194,0.08940701391971641,0.10698056191691577,0.0,0.09679599249931786,0.0,0.024516430235034702,0.026043029564811058,0.0,0.024494450532579773,0.0,0.025733713282934247,0.0,0.0,0.051211153996804634,0.029136867548237314,0.1639915045043648,0.026319675279263943,0.0,0.16490021811867628,0.0,0.02186110692413636,0.02435017783967018,0.061071220945492735,0.0,0.025907200082622168,0.04079761898989071,0.09321619685779776,0.10681989773132697,0.0,0.02627664599324656,0.021175467511569096,0.0,0.0,0.02609459959428031,0.1301379166166043,0.0788283645197578,0.025317719049993182,0.0,0.05435656791270712,0.02728475450780362,0.061329344009505286,0.021401617330911227,0.0,0.0,0.058608658829658634,0.0,0.0,0.02412642433837007,0.026606798524118843,0.0,0.08230089968490527,0.0,0.023567797301706352,0.0,0.0,0.1870726589291129,0.21323355379701556,0.125752716500559,0.04064493683490787,0.08956067078473594,0.029421882047991763,0.02426452668742789,0.0,0.028441041646800138,0.052139408298727326,0.0,0.05001232213852319,0.07994729118113293,0.03079202363863465,0.022109014254464543,0.028193296028765562,0.021121566860681444,0.09059248077580546,0.10159508282687653,0.041067385309345915,0.0,0.023016260300825958,0.02373020467841697,0.0230987996850871,0.02857997814286833,0.0,0.049352369526535184,0.0,0.055908365449664266,0.0,0.0,0.07273818497320701,0.05597620967656074,0.0,0.0989081465017862
bpd,kookabino,2019/10/31,"Is anyone else a face lover? I find myself noticing and appreciating faces so often, my brain collects and catalogues every face I see into different face types. Not by any specific/noticable characteristics or expressions, not by emotion, just the look. I've always thought it was just because it's so easy to become obsessed with people, or that I'm so insecure about my own appearance that I take (deep) interest in other people's faces",9.669810126582275,9.197649620253163,9.8871835443038,59.35330696202536,59.12658227848101,12.963291139240505,40.003164556962034,12.161744961471696,5.2682126582278475,356,16,54,10,4,119,60,79,0.064,0.773,0.162,0.8452,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,2,0,2,7,6,0,0,14,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,6,2,7,6,1,4,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,4,0,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871182769807332,0.0,0.0,0.15292619500476715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724141061874772,0.23041626096139306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370848356264194,0.2483624277518782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251040589420474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234951865082056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785848665256127,0.25295987016717386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894712024997681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205536358236316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888426656862796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120550207161652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118071242696627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920034258235226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908186570523873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852969818798414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tabula_Nada,2019/10/31,"Are you friends with other BPDs? For a while this girl was my FP. She's hilarious, fun, and an artist, but I also found connection in her moodiness and willingness to dig deep in the darker parts of life. I felt like she understood me. I also see a lot is myself in her, like neediness and overwhelmingly powerful emotional reactions to everything. But lately I've been noticing more and more borderline behavior in her (she is not diagnosed, I am only talking about behavior) and we've been having more conflicts. Pretty much every time I'm with her now she jumps down my throat about something I say and, because I'm quiet borderline, I tend to just take it and feel shitty about myself. And then later she is texting me like everything is normal again, begging for attention. She does other things that make me wonder if she has it but I won't go into it here because that's not my point.  So, anyway I've been less willing to hang out with her and feed her attention since so much of our time is being spent with her starting things, and it just made me wonder if most BPDs are friends with other BPDs and how well that works - I feel like it would be a constant battle of chaos and neediness. Do any of you have friends with BPD? Are you close friends? Do you fight often or are you each other's FPs?",5.195824455766561,6.131882311023624,5.660680870773508,81.09017832329785,68.40944881889764,9.126076887447892,28.720704029643354,9.325443323948027,2.38493635942566,1033,35,198,20,17,332,139,254,0.08900000000000001,0.743,0.168,0.9667,1,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,1,5,0,2,16,15,2,1,5,0,24,4,1,3,0,50,41,25,0,4,10,0,3,4,4,3,2,2,0,1,15,22,1,1,9,1,1,3,3,4,1,0,9,6,37,10,26,27,10,23,0,1,1,0,29,10,0,8,14,152,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109690779528212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897000576849677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608163684846905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612997899281515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254265857663276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388099912320592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543112743546165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837559350293195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111135818120235,0.0,0.23709577286440395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333904625698704,0.09423309962115343,0.12664967532739488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462724099613025,0.4076385142748381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496476363195187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487948084363994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316854206369493,0.2577688673069097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214108214379227,0.0,0.1248118874355681,0.08804774375190294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393099509051934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923908765963998,0.0,0.15017494188842376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003198467569032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428404750844222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469304739178134,0.0,0.0,0.1341950068758656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489630752959038,0.0,0.0,0.10511136477502683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911334264099083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154706552492908,0.0,0.0,0.09336317787249353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917629289585793,0.10602040146309218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526390446733586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538299631110521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859861394541485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28609112049938884,0.0960285549378317,0.0,0.0,0.09370166792928104,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kvtvrynv,2019/10/31,"I love/hate Halloween. I personally love Halloween. I’m a sucker for any holidays, I find it an excuse to be happy and to have a good day. Then I go on social media and see everyone dressed up with friends, going to parties, having fun, making memories. I get really jealous. But even if I had a lot of friends, and got invited to parties, I wouldn’t go anyways? It’s contradicting, and annoying. I want that typical life and to create these normal young adult memories, but I don’t let myself. I’m just feeling envious and a little bit of anger for no real reason. I want to have a good day, but I feel like now there’s too much pressure I’m pushing on myself just to do what I perceive as the normal thing. I’m sorry that this really isn’t a big deal, just venting.",2.685384615384617,4.348400871794873,4.974615384615387,80.77038461538461,75.53846153846155,7.876923076923077,27.384615384615394,8.617729084823388,2.183707692307692,600,24,116,12,13,210,96,156,0.141,0.652,0.20800000000000002,0.6807,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,9,14,5,1,8,0,10,2,0,2,0,27,26,12,0,6,7,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,5,1,0,4,4,6,0,0,2,3,14,8,16,21,3,14,0,0,1,1,8,5,0,2,6,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838721473100682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400705806983546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558018243683784,0.1643188593930228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052722399510806,0.0,0.0,0.15229912639403584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611796144034339,0.113864622465209,0.0,0.0,0.1456749342027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462807957967445,0.0,0.08327204508755444,0.0,0.2717463781875761,0.26736902671323204,0.1274746848348257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966821670906165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298188475581488,0.11257828629607287,0.07786742364727747,0.15974556705080806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550336381248074,0.2877022357326687,0.0,0.10639067526728542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716625914386958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31232677229709993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916876898958147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141493876719034,0.2042121288346837,0.16387424870759182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700914981071704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624728595039758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841837481268102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588826216150407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801871689995575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sospanor,2019/10/31,"My gf has a bpd, I need an advice Hi,
I discovered bpd term new. I want to support her but don't know how to. Which way should I follow to help her? Please suggest me books and other resources(can be articles, videos, websites etc.) that helpful. Thank you for your time.",0.08784067085954206,2.3615231509433983,1.401006289308178,95.5068343815514,100.50943396226415,4.619706498951782,19.09643605870021,6.42735559955562,0.26490524109014624,209,7,43,3,9,66,46,53,0.0,0.7140000000000001,0.28600000000000003,0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,10,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,4,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,3,27,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23852530487382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6148543379917988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722287319976349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32722140302576874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414738246673225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099220829500712,0.0,0.23574698549475503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679413200808805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769943666909567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247284637248683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423328599470288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397264743035207,0.19375002757709292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meowmeowfuzzyfaze,2019/10/31,"So lonely it's making me physically sick It's like I hit myself so hard in the face I'm numb, I feel so empty and so damn lonely I can't express it anymore. I can't cry I can't eat I can't sleep and it's making me nauseous.

I find myself secretly wishing for a terrible thing to happen so that I can cry in public so that someone would hold me.

I live alone and have no one to call and it's dead quiet here and I feel like I'm about to explode but I CAN'T and I really need someone to hold me right now because I can't seem to touch the ground anymore.

sorry for taking up this space I don't know anymore what I'm looking for",-1.2511758118701015,0.7708855248226989,1.7822247107129527,95.50263157894736,94.46099290780144,4.1031728256812245,17.350130645763343,5.750287758089431,-0.4412921985815603,493,14,114,4,19,173,75,141,0.17300000000000001,0.76,0.067,-0.8543,0,5,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,0,3,0,10,5,2,2,0,20,25,13,1,3,1,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,10,6,1,2,6,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,0,6,20,2,12,23,0,7,0,2,1,0,4,6,1,1,3,72,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711343483212961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491608230092232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072614646856833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872411982181834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36300730582762736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907736789168265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670962650994314,0.11804441406138445,0.0,0.0,0.15102243242094512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611738005485028,0.0,0.1480187277961752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080921709892248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145162913478225,0.0,0.14590614660791745,0.0,0.13875636875888858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205922199822697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252017470673103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196798377544942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058542178009844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111038134030573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504243715945379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653550269960527,0.0,0.28000733760233143,0.0,0.0,0.18496783334949027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242366793699712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977525408870704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001289548536415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173786974190058,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jojlmba,2019/10/31,"Dealing with sudden repulsion syndrome? I've been dealing with sudden repulsion syndrome for many years without actually realising it until this year, i resently told a friend of mine about what happens when I'm see the potential of a relationship and she told me the name of  this.

Thing is its not really like what is written on pages, its like a switch for me there is absolutely no control in anyway for this situation and triggers for this to happen can be as simple as someone sending me a Snapchat or saying something very random. 
O get intense anger and disgust I want to get away from them and never see them ever again, despite how I felt about them beforehand. It's really interrupting my life and getting me really down. I've noticed now it's not just when I see I'm getting feelings for someone who (potentially) likes me back but also now friends who i might have a suspicious it they like me. 

This one is less intense, but I still do the same i hi me massive hints that i wsnt nothing to do with them anymore ... I just have to get away.. I'm scared because I really want to feel close to someone but I'm pushing everyone away without it being in my control 

(Sorry, I should say i don't have bpd but was diagnosed with a psychosis and major depression and anxiety but I have heard this is one part of BPD and was wondering if anyone has any advice on dealing with this )",5.416832504145937,6.433466388059699,6.331592039801,76.18695688225542,67.95522388059702,9.089883913764512,33.91873963515755,9.2995712137729,3.18292968490879,1104,51,198,21,18,366,144,268,0.109,0.8390000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9426,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,5,2,17,11,3,1,9,0,21,2,0,4,2,44,45,22,0,4,13,0,3,4,2,2,2,3,0,0,20,14,0,2,4,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,8,9,29,6,36,33,5,25,0,1,3,0,22,9,0,5,18,153,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0952843662263124,0.0,0.0,0.09541449139589472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808415678372937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639981020677273,0.0,0.07469575240796464,0.0,0.09683448377637062,0.0682734558419151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752132130130296,0.07508056001649893,0.0,0.05952156899958923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459529984589227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902728780732872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019933975838795,0.08409878730029427,0.0991044282635255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832264864739181,0.0,0.0933009775398196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874131217551407,0.0,0.09375149382872368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150875711116494,0.0,0.2550691981091041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268874118375854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896733034440182,0.19081151459796586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989935162574075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358257875942932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753074186007332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368999402851702,0.1111658999621306,0.0,0.0,0.13232929692420958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573661467154606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25020749228026706,0.0,0.0,0.10483081165454748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552974455338239,0.097756531387098,0.0,0.2334237519494797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975353692096182,0.0,0.0,0.2481948826071079,0.07516947092264778,0.0,0.10930206348012883,0.0,0.0,0.07797691214853812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064868910305502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866019550796392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056475689416638,0.11518339269499216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824652921265767,0.10588842746188036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575630760617906
bpd,kirbysbitch,2019/10/31,"DAE feel restricted by everyday life? Whether it be work or school, I am so miserable and feel the life completely drained out of me when I have to follow generic routines, schedules, and deadlines. I’m also diagnosed with ADHD though but still I feel like a lot of this is BPD related as well. It just makes me so hollow and depressed and reliant on extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms, especially considering how meaningless it all feels. 

Whenever I’m able to devote myself to projects, like something creative or researching a topic in-depth, that’s the only time I feel any kind of will to live. But life in general feels like it completely restricts me from having the time and motivation to do any of that.",7.5639230769230785,8.430703200000004,7.539807692307693,69.94894230769232,63.153846153846146,11.423076923076925,38.55769230769232,11.20814326018867,4.752384615384615,576,29,94,16,8,185,89,130,0.155,0.6859999999999999,0.158,-0.1468,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,1,5,0,7,4,0,3,1,27,17,17,0,0,6,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,8,6,16,15,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,9,64,15,5,0.15791257523453406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978022836780065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628262936281484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477193242484674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888536051613664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311366614418775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600986965794098,0.16027793982945698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790720566834645,0.2256255505999512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444164686498713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346149657534513,0.23144432336195675,0.0,0.13943969702458653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425162445727148,0.0,0.0,0.10540787018029404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200996292790308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981595668738216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156881532594865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610918656628806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514830340199276,0.0,0.18416018503709533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198236967373642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496223550043475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Maddiesin,2019/10/31,"Scared Hello!
So, wow, where to start?
I've been in a very well known clinic for 6months getting threament for BPD and severe bulimia and trichotillomania. I got my BPD diagnosed years ago, stopped cutting myself when I was 18 and instead became anorexic, then bulimic. I was on the edge of dying many times. I stole food from grocery stores and friends, lost my job, couldn't pay my rent anymore due to all the ones I spent on my binge food.

Finally this year I decided to give my recovery another try. Tbh I didn't believe I would get anywhere, like becoming 'clean' for a lost case like me was just impossible.

However. It worked. It took 6 months for me to get better but I'm OK now. OK with the weight I have gained. OK with the unwanted but actually cute pixie cut I have now. I don't binge anymore and I can take part in social happenings without asking myself all the time when can I finally fucking binge again?
This clinic really helped me save me from myself and learn to understand, accept and yes, eventually love myself.

However, next week I'll leave. It's time. I understand that I need to leave and pick up the threads of my old life again eventhough I'm impossible scared. Scared I might not make it.
It feels like.. I'm being abandoned again. I can't stay here. This is no longer a save place for me. But I don't want it to feel like that. I want to leave in peace with my mind and the memory of my time here..
Today, I went shopping for binge food again.i ate. I purged. I picked out a lot of my hair and it makes me so insanely frustrated because it took so long for my hair to look as OK as it does now.
I'm scared
It's all coming back
And I feel like a disappointment
Letting everyone down

I've come so far, now I'm falling again.

Anyone made similar experiences with a stationary therapy that went very well but in the end everything seemed to crash?",2.139233933891333,4.497913067385447,3.420866080295077,87.92593382040009,80.05121293800539,7.247581217193929,23.77933040147539,8.288913261614885,1.521497035040431,1472,52,303,31,38,478,195,371,0.133,0.688,0.179,0.9790000000000001,4,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,0,5,22,31,4,4,14,5,18,13,2,5,3,56,57,24,1,6,7,0,6,5,1,2,4,0,2,0,16,18,5,2,10,1,5,7,8,12,2,1,15,7,43,19,39,37,5,51,0,4,1,2,7,12,1,3,36,176,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.07854729201176952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135013061076309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440149528786976,0.0,0.0,0.15965025061773774,0.05628095442153101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524791964025976,0.0,0.0,0.06189236393739681,0.0,0.049066370973230765,0.08889563138183686,0.0,0.09068543218538118,0.0,0.07118746477631045,0.0,0.0,0.2027503855694267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867118605559195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169634510645438,0.08353661720493377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043793581429891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129085090150025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691229335983149,0.07233983242605799,0.07873532924072046,0.0,0.0,0.12209551768420612,0.1725076719815033,0.0,0.17634720949383012,0.0,0.0,0.29198894648364665,0.0,0.06218689910999305,0.07441233594178967,0.1261591733076004,0.0772139939108779,0.0,0.0,0.06437574914646475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117764182158072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395120561947496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987457922363687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556840221148337,0.0,0.08230717292655709,0.05685294713476265,0.1966184006610368,0.0,0.0,0.07123171822763254,0.06759189846051106,0.0,0.1757301692527814,0.06843029711034262,0.07264598057411102,0.07616222687388574,0.10745630681737738,0.08160491523104889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538789083011449,0.0812726407123901,0.0,0.0642468922382588,0.0,0.0,0.05968281875790255,0.0,0.0,0.08560275051161031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446142786586608,0.0,0.05454256736373062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716356185038464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840956282311569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156439019857692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223408465007856,0.0,0.0,0.07327569135562917,0.0,0.09093155677282401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820501110482393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569717170446813,0.08579235443719706,0.0,0.06729381197319037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051897359492001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204810653569148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877390493996594,0.0,0.0762957523852105,0.0,0.17885621252905154,0.054647887652556966,0.0,0.0,0.1675872714765523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282648006690145,0.09495097610694378,0.0,0.06456476775813881,0.09801596299109364,0.1447415743456658,0.14923133210201384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759014246444955,0.0,0.0585981731213073,0.0,0.0,0.0571782691370284,0.0,0.0,0.10366671687151063
bpd,Frying_Pan_Sophie,2019/10/31,"I can't stop digging myself into this hole I am spiraling so bad. I'm in college and this semester is completely screwed up. I keep dumping alcohol, benzos, and any other drug I get my hands on into my system in this pathetic attempt to stop myself. Of course, I know it's only going to make things worse. I can see how everything is about to fall apart. My family will hate me as they've dealt with so many addicts before and I am just another one going down the drain. I wish everything would stop for a day so I could breath but I can't and it's killing me. I barely remember any of my past life, I feel like I am just tossed into this completely awful spot with so many awful things to deal with. The constant trauma floating around in my brain won't stop. How the hell did I even get here?  


Dissociation is making it impossible to figure out what I need to do, my professors hate me, and so much money is going to go to waste. I'm just a repeat of my mother doing the exact same things she did, throwing a wonderful life away. I put myself here and I want out. Is it even possible to recover at this point? It doesn't feel like it. So I'll scream into the void for a bit and see what happens. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I thought I was getting better after ditching my toxic ex and coming to terms with my addict mother. I thought things were going to be manageable and now I'm 2 months into the semester and I am completely gone.",2.3066995841995883,4.126499222972978,4.197972972972973,85.24245322245325,77.04054054054053,7.256548856548858,23.20893970893971,8.139509932561175,1.3286766112266113,1134,35,230,20,26,385,154,296,0.147,0.746,0.107,-0.9468,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,18,13,6,0,10,2,26,10,3,4,1,51,56,20,1,5,4,3,3,3,0,3,6,1,0,0,20,23,1,5,8,0,1,10,5,9,0,1,8,6,37,4,40,42,4,41,1,0,2,1,5,18,2,1,15,163,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150901042299993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054288002721982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417324946321052,0.10344504138240504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782104072017201,0.0,0.0,0.09268663813490456,0.0,0.0823701541878828,0.0,0.0,0.08394543804629384,0.0,0.0,0.08724952341871951,0.10770224361196903,0.0,0.0,0.11012806415753257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497981304206557,0.3103036885250539,0.1066075774194118,0.0,0.07876545584894043,0.0,0.0,0.06362226663736585,0.10170570102556163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144047985106339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031720159579466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732380056506666,0.0,0.09300016195413742,0.0,0.0997626549653802,0.14095376869840576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462452245736893,0.0,0.2803305313098505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723748410644135,0.0,0.0,0.19479650884466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768627590461463,0.10914362920679156,0.0,0.05421646371165322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936140465303945,0.14458889755603474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317017200656348,0.2000349355018298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874294647991588,0.0,0.07252044328197099,0.07314907911491854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066849030562787,0.07502915924702212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417433079518543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325786284766892,0.11121511133179884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917233314873156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175328806097433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722546597360393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299093761599237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621595591229259,0.0,0.0,0.15663706097455293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058187403073735634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344473151449115,0.0,0.10698369730927937,0.0,0.0,0.10053463895960628,0.07007942687366438,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worthless100,2019/10/31,DAE have experience of being groomed online leading to abuse and accepting this I’m finding it impossible to accept that I was groomed online repeatedly when I was a child often meeting up with adult from the internet for the night. Has this happened to anyone else and how has it the effected the bpd diagnosis/ interpersonal skills? Also when/ how do you bring this up in dbt or telling your therapist...I might be able to text them as I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it. Even writing this is a lot. Thank you for any advice or support,5.514636118598381,6.430366528301889,6.4572237196765485,75.73858490566037,67.67924528301887,9.453369272237195,32.123989218328845,9.606745405546679,2.9726404312668464,436,18,82,9,7,145,75,106,0.039,0.863,0.098,0.6369,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,3,1,3,8,4,0,0,6,0,12,0,0,4,1,18,18,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,7,4,14,12,1,10,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,5,5,60,15,1,0.4158421975988204,0.24635250256761976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031780913584169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627442759006436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413934771018826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538326668689142,0.213039736698677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618693453147394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736913981942415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137329924806425,0.18807653757162127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338673155664788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003611749435706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386394099834472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767670828704032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22057142832738771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511986626173766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653472031071249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359463989410747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173220484408287,0.19142581269387865,0.0,0.2414124212234052,0.0,0.13322744462465924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexrxyes1901,2019/10/31,Just a small thought I had There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.,4.790399999999998,6.762781840000002,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,70.6,5.0,24.5,3.1291,0.024599999999999955,106,3,21,0,2,29,22,25,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.5709,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976720969114183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367798147217266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173271977248459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727108066391969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836450950473648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fthish31,2019/10/31,Therapist ignoring me. ? Had a mental breakdown. Therspist didn't call back in time for phone coaching. Then said I was going to cut myself which was mostly just a threat I'll admit I shouldn't have done. Now therapist is seemingly annoyed. I'm angry that my therapist basically was like I'm busy with all other clients and prioritized me last and made me feel like I was just an annoyance now. Justified?,4.201992481203007,6.695517921052634,5.257443609022558,76.7071052631579,73.73684210526315,9.079699248120301,29.27819548872181,9.606745405546679,3.211498496240601,326,14,56,9,7,107,57,76,0.204,0.6809999999999999,0.115,-0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,13,18,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,9,2,8,2,4,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,8,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580726838975834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018381082631408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220665830306299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902973582938537,0.1540471449028351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254831744095315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757684047790679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069326071787955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403568371072925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730577598985146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511487998310904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963027658038249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7510941701691372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257364276089593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skbailes,2019/10/31,"Having a child while having BPD Has anyone else had a child, and then felt as if your BPD was somewhat “cured” ? Or maybe it’s the same but your baby has become your fp, and because they can’t abandon you, you feel fine all the time? Am I overthinking this? Probably. I also feel a sense of identity I’ve NEVER felt before. Being “mommy” seems like my purpose. Idkidkidk",1.41,4.020190000000003,2.9355555555555566,88.26500000000001,86.5,5.422222222222223,19.11111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.5262111111111111,288,8,54,4,9,94,57,72,0.054000000000000006,0.861,0.085,0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,0,2,15,14,9,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,9,2,2,9,3,4,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696609574623412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547316052462542,0.22673847679884224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348967589894272,0.24439819623650105,0.1883020899623397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5574157891581996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485998748358415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378245759838827,0.0,0.42494755701078346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811145997053187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231625529283536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067303278193358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385888063829439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014547454910973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290363888618686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hrududil,2019/10/31,"My boyfriend got into a car crash and didn't tell me until hours later So I was in the middle of a text conversation with my boyfriend specifically about things that trigger me into spiralling, and then he stopped responding. I just kept sending messages explaining how I felt, not really aware of the time passing and progressively getting more and more stressed and worked up as I realised there was no read response. I realised that 40 minutes had passed and I had an absolute meltdown and stopped messaging altogether. Then maybe 2.5 hours later he messages saying sorry he muted me he was in a car crash and he couldn't hear his mum on the phone with all the notifications coming through. 

And this made me feel terrible and start spiralling again after I was finally calm from the first spiral, because I made his situation so much harder and also freaked out without considering that there was a reason outside of myself that he wasn't responding. But also now I feel like the absolute worst because I can't help but think if he really cared about me he would have texted something along the lines of ""crashed car ttyl""

Like we were literally having a conversation about things that trigger me too and I feel so angry at him and myself and irrational and ahhhh I hate being like this",11.227468354430377,8.92633185232068,10.033590717299578,65.3389936708861,57.48101265822786,13.024303797468354,42.687341772151896,11.407655852321104,4.836500759493671,1047,45,176,21,10,329,136,237,0.136,0.807,0.057,-0.9341,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,3,15,10,1,1,13,0,16,0,0,6,1,47,32,28,0,3,6,1,4,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,23,0,3,7,1,0,7,7,5,0,1,15,6,26,5,24,14,5,32,0,0,0,0,27,9,0,1,19,128,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423832268801987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476257614014527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545116702805343,0.0,0.0,0.13054381781168814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22987926287442345,0.10826478926075696,0.1455083241917015,0.16601169026226725,0.0,0.12890530330572392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791767470662011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120551222080135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962071020550746,0.0,0.0,0.17080382392758706,0.0,0.10157836761107956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984853844364381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211377060578494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28679376450046784,0.0,0.0,0.15224874323686996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140405228637314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515874257582577,0.0,0.19416902822062151,0.15581495478995913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051579195186883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034452017006976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166678342674064,0.0,0.16964380446827318,0.10726533264550546,0.0,0.0,0.2533991777227729,0.1735959065279321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245824651629776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136140866063665,0.09710482364955524,0.0,0.0,0.0883679333756602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608533625437434,0.0,0.1103275951354312,0.0,0.0,0.10765422524070073,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anotherthrowaway2637,2019/10/31,I want to die !!!! That’s all,-6.895714285714287,-8.294716999999997,-2.424999999999999,118.6825,147.57142857142856,1.4,3.5,3.1291,-3.5598,19,0,7,0,2,7,7,7,0.489,0.386,0.125,-0.6973,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8694051407166189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940998899974742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kujeo,2019/10/31,"DAE motivating yourself and feeling good for a while then the sadness hits you again its 3AM and i motivated myself and rationalized everything and it felt good like everything was going to be alright again....... for like 30 minutes. now i feel awful again and the thoughts are back again, i can't sleep. fuck.",3.2603571428571456,6.330131464285718,3.7550000000000026,82.39,82.57142857142857,6.771428571428572,27.642857142857146,7.957251820313856,2.227064285714285,246,11,43,5,7,77,42,56,0.085,0.578,0.337,0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,6,7,1,0,3,2,4,2,1,2,0,11,11,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,3,5,5,3,6,0,9,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,10,30,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21885121960055345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115868758270711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878195979068553,0.0,0.2732748498317168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26312180434179305,0.0,0.0,0.16175315468622115,0.4774427960147187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780968380791049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28482035402503464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595236625695386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Aelwyd,2019/10/31,"It's Halloween and I'm splitting hard. Halloween is my favorite time of year and I couldn't bring myself to dress up. 

I've been splitting hard with people around me and myself and it feels like I'm going crazy. I'm trying so hard to not think this way. 

I found a term that vibed with me Emotional hypochrondriasis. Trying to get others to understand your emotional pain, and I don't know if I could ever express how much in pain/turmoil I am right now. I'm seeing someone next week. I have no health insurance, but I'm trying to fight it.",1.6491896024464836,4.083679660550462,2.8919495412844043,90.50715978593271,82.6697247706422,5.468195718654433,21.00993883792049,6.816661863887847,0.4982287461773702,429,13,86,5,12,138,71,109,0.125,0.812,0.064,-0.6249,2,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,1,20,21,9,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,5,12,1,11,17,2,14,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,8,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500435774296915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457197360154774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37918793941391615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246144071863255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522300306475065,0.12041082372898945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480433406104227,0.0,0.0,0.08805944573042128,0.0,0.09578979122900498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529580772535241,0.0,0.0,0.1791587894209591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926296489334927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234410671222929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390227509925887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179252857293362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586942055058858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685005695592665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393918923653945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431104427979704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428102906814604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799884139191136,0.0,0.0,0.09828177491173094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34329936648842385,0.0,0.0,0.17546455621245458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378566696798125,0.13519914993337756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085394750424515
bpd,chapsticktube,2019/10/31,"How do you not hate your parents guts. I hate my mother. Just looking at her makes me boil with rage. All I can think about is how differently my life would be if she had just been a half assed mom. 

I wouldn’t be so emotionally unstable. I wouldn’t have BPD. I wouldn’t have a books worth of self destructive coping mechanism I developed to deal with my childhood. 

Our relationship has become exponentially worse the past few months. I can’t help but blame her for everything.",3.1354589371980666,5.591129260869568,3.9162318840579746,85.19205314009663,77.04347826086956,8.001932367149758,23.265700483091784,8.841846274778883,1.6819816425120773,380,12,77,9,9,121,70,92,0.133,0.785,0.08199999999999999,-0.6748,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,0,6,4,4,0,3,0,15,4,2,3,1,16,20,5,0,5,5,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,17,0,7,12,2,4,0,0,1,1,13,1,1,1,3,53,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885795484808736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723898896322443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229692902111617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259605951239508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432794597544029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194373380994648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270521600533482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496409368536675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276092276532785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161592847267824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436476395380876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329782749742263,0.1726280700955955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24014699802356965,0.0,0.2064582760039797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23219764260292036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256212458595588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385798284013745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040197220434066,0.15363504612685175,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wastelandernv,2019/10/31,"Question about a side effect of a med I'm taking FYI the username is because I stopped using reddit. I only made this account to ask a question about Fallout New Vegas. I guess I'm getting sucked in again, because here I am asking questions on another sub, but oh well.

Anyway to the point, I don't usually do this as I believe, usually, if your having a side effect from a med, that's an issue for a your doctor, however this is kind of embarrassing, and I'm still debating whether or not to say anything.

I just started taking Zoloft and I'm pretty sure it's causing the problem because I had this problem on another med and it was exactly the same thing. It started suddenly almost as soon as I started taking the med, just like this time, and went away when I stopped taking it.

Anyway the problem is I'm having trouble having an orgasm. I won't go into a lot of detail, but I'm a guy if that matters. Idk if this side effect even applies to females? Anyway, it's not a \*huge\* deal because I don't have a gf and don't plan on getting one any time soon. The problem is well... like many other people, I like to masturbate. It's kind of a bummer not being able to do that, at least not very easily.

So basically if I wanted to do something about this, I'd have to go to my med provider and be like, ya I don't wan to take this med that might be working because I want to be able to masturbate. Not only is that embarrassing, I'm not really sure that is how my priorities should be laid out.

So I'd like to hear what you guys think because I'm hoping either you have some input I haven't thought of, or maybe one of you have talked to your Doc about something like this. Maybe you can tell me how it went. I'm also concerned that this will become permanent if I stay on it but I can probably look that up myself.

Sorry for making such a simple question so long. Thanks, if you read this.",4.2819023136246805,4.683456491002573,5.706163496143963,81.8662786632391,70.20822622107968,8.074899742930592,29.6988174807198,7.9765259561132025,1.95077081748072,1481,55,298,18,25,502,175,389,0.10400000000000001,0.782,0.114,0.5699,1,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,9,0,5,25,22,1,2,21,0,35,3,1,9,3,64,73,28,0,14,21,0,0,6,1,4,2,2,0,2,30,8,0,2,9,1,1,4,12,8,2,2,6,3,32,14,40,58,5,37,0,0,1,1,23,15,1,18,23,210,62,3,0.13841951445218734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930357453321452,0.0,0.0,0.055347017848910544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706500821744546,0.14514492992291528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695373314358205,0.0,0.12940356075184795,0.0,0.0650248451598065,0.0,0.0,0.25313775373970954,0.07643673932175235,0.0,0.0779756961335978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109748537624304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135222070986089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083911918942498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045712391915068776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231848324649412,0.0,0.07866699994214041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624235036156515,0.1370570815927267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800442640575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874090516535389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223700528460608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414262373318415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028743487647906,0.0,0.0,0.06124845724104421,0.05811876514714824,0.0,0.0,0.05883966062928527,0.0,0.0654879457092515,0.04619805037098998,0.07016783092632209,0.13906100711449249,0.0,0.4612586283316602,0.0,0.0,0.07342061528964243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684321480225604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379664531799288,0.10527427816309592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798133133944857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542559114915715,0.0,0.0,0.0704112044557939,0.07461982403885445,0.26489756273397164,0.0,0.0,0.3101230699610319,0.0,0.06922848636931071,0.0,0.04433754269615384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503837682244001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065621047909136,0.0,0.077474656928331,0.14696106715588386,0.07376839255179958,0.05527100152264643,0.11572491209759796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045875424352082,0.0,0.26018562086730795,0.05562818123932512,0.06049237835913834,0.06371904582965106,0.0,0.0,0.045979887398439806,0.044346817862967465,0.0,0.05494481643261708,0.080713532017319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977500886035868,0.15244953940738154,0.05710529794366308,0.0816434159498562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445576700791848,0.12831627666295095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038552754482647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Daynnight99,2019/10/31,Out of place even here Does anyone else feel like his out of place even at this group? I dont have a diagnosis but i have all the symptoms at high levels too.Most of the times i feel like i dont even have a personality.I dont give feedback to my emotions and thoughts because they are toxic.I dont wanna talk to anyone because i know noones wants to hear and i dont feel ok with using people as a punching bug.But boy do i feel like im in a fucking simulation.Even if i see people all the time.Its like im from another planet.Its like i play along with the world before i go completely insane.And im fucking tired of all the intrusive thoughts.Does this ever go away?Or you just try to  persuasive yourself that it gets better before reality hits you again?I hope you make sense out of what i say if some sense exists in it.I know i have a really disorganized thought pattern and im Greek too.Just wanna take this alll out of my chest tho and i hope its the right place so.. *Voilà*,1.2236438923395454,3.3251430966183584,3.0755417529330598,90.56913043478262,81.80193236714976,5.875224292615597,21.45134575569358,7.07126945348624,0.5261577639751556,779,24,170,10,21,260,108,207,0.05,0.7979999999999999,0.152,0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,1,1,8,12,2,0,11,1,11,5,1,2,4,35,34,10,0,7,4,0,4,5,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,11,0,0,8,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,7,20,10,25,31,4,20,0,0,1,2,11,15,2,5,8,93,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321968728488042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432227541408875,0.0910888351306594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352473262089379,0.0,0.0,0.10838556219242426,0.0,0.1512951685086537,0.0,0.0,0.07862506680026607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093210244528842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779722772927132,0.0,0.5209522875561907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426477040809837,0.10000084113938223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348711667230667,0.08041538629498818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980259612838193,0.19053111774276416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437373918488027,0.046446723262985344,0.08528124225570659,0.10104814736747153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019706840937974,0.0,0.0,0.09392801907258712,0.0,0.17659605985816046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841101995231575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977145298672967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171609135781436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934162235004704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326451100568465,0.0,0.2786455905430157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056951791114034124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592034714407057,0.0,0.07069706504774366,0.0,0.0,0.07084200738582666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924014226431148,0.06684194129592852,0.07145467171482422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115377253601413,0.10367692785836356,0.10217778571172136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035744959701904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678129213845672,0.0,0.0,0.0524356841658679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,speedingbluejay,2019/10/31,"Flipping between hope and despair? Literally I’m either 100% happy with life and feel amazing and great and totally feel like life is worth living and can’t remember why I’ve been sad.... or feel 100% dissatisfied with life, extremely hopeless and suicidal, and crushing despair. No in between. And it can flip so quickly over the stupidest things. Whenever I’m in one of the two states I can’t even remember what the other one feels like, it’s like a fog that prevents me from accessing any information about how i was feeling earlier. So then I’ll make impulsive self destructive decisions in the hopeless state and come to regret them once I flip again. Anyone else experience this???",7.18186,8.271032096000003,7.401350000000001,69.82842500000001,64.04,11.37,38.025,11.20814326018867,4.739019999999999,552,28,91,16,8,179,87,125,0.222,0.599,0.179,-0.8223,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,0,7,14,1,0,5,0,6,3,0,2,1,29,16,14,1,2,2,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,12,0,1,9,0,1,1,3,7,0,3,2,5,5,7,12,14,2,10,0,6,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,58,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169976316076596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485166635206845,0.16829975908950418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149206385357171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721487326730966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848958799358382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067395901545,0.0,0.0,0.4152640327525812,0.23468914471727625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109290188137966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485364550926175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314334400945865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34805676889634657,0.2407416631452116,0.0,0.14504112299036498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964220511951292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492735847881508,0.22260833396414165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37214022493419296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135490849947912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966948553458564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912443717922664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045431733042828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821555873199874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BpdNme123,2019/10/31,"A small achievement! Today marks one year at my current job! This is big for me because while I’ve been at other jobs for more than a year, this is the first time that there’s been no major incident where I almost get fired or quit within the year. 

I’ve always had trouble maintaining a job because I have a bad habit of calling out when my symptoms act up and i just have a hard time with interpersonal relationships in general. So to have had a drama free year has been nice. 

I think a big part of it is that I found a job where I can work part time hours and I’m making as much as I have in my full time jobs, and also that I’m not in a management role where I’m responsible for other people anymore.",5.450675675675676,4.6095960945945995,6.375,82.30750000000002,67.78378378378378,9.291891891891893,28.635135135135137,8.472884824447931,1.7523891891891887,554,15,122,7,8,185,88,148,0.098,0.8420000000000001,0.06,-0.6492,6,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,8,4,0,0,11,0,14,1,0,1,0,13,21,10,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,2,0,2,6,2,11,3,18,15,6,30,0,0,0,0,3,15,0,2,14,84,19,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033310713996782,0.0,0.0,0.10408624455182457,0.10830077875492627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908044569544766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867538549302164,0.15868459985189962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290451574876855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071119975259984,0.0,0.14271007411375544,0.0,0.0,0.06800148974024428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659481383144572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817810505902855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6458020733465658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688059005923524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568013083739484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819753025683147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818939868497851,0.0,0.09023424895905703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843764327385036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397395572659259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352826195784017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339914070493885,0.0,0.0,0.3035816113934152,0.0,0.12337330739471199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475560826456944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352665208048639
bpd,tvchmny,2019/10/31,"I have just blocked my FP. Basically my FP was my ex boyfriend the whole bpd thing and me going spiral and he feeling helpless and thinking he was triggering me 24/7 was freaking him out but he felt like he couldn’t live me, so eventually he started to her bitter and resentful and telling others he had to go to therapy because of me. 

I am obsessed with him and I know I fucked up badly with him but not intentionally it’s just that I have no family and am very lonely, depended on him economically and emotionally, but now I’m okay being by my own. 

I’m in tears and it hurts like hell because I know I won’t walk back, he won’t reach to me, this is it. This is me letting him go for everybody’s sake. I’m slowly starting a new way in my life and will use all my skills to cope with my illness and concert it to good things.",1.6727817919075143,3.554725884393065,3.769071531791912,87.29846278901738,79.17341040462428,6.868352601156071,25.26336705202312,7.865858978985527,1.3534280346820808,650,25,142,11,16,222,102,173,0.242,0.6829999999999999,0.075,-0.9886,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,14,4,1,2,1,16,3,0,4,1,33,31,15,0,1,6,1,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,10,15,0,1,5,1,0,4,5,10,0,0,5,4,26,4,17,20,3,15,1,3,0,1,15,5,2,1,7,95,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459784147890126,0.15701280832414194,0.2292654822203449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368407526169791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115294749826289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727557690024606,0.0,0.0950830721177103,0.0,0.1805562403913476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384799144962518,0.0,0.0,0.3206172265713696,0.15772632626719224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013100209009909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066932934313453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922925347535431,0.13282435690638655,0.18374219061580396,0.0,0.16605044585625556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161860467350746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662036731490897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643628509411216,0.0,0.21505007517153085,0.0,0.24986239866092666,0.12049401283001256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624136980197798,0.0,0.15515987019288238,0.0,0.14926430380501346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994965610329716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sheylaaa89,2019/10/31,"I had a good childhood and have BPD. I’m struggling with my self identity for this reason. I read these stories of people with awful childhoods. Abuse, trauma, sexual assaults, you guys know. But none of that has ever happened to me. I’m apart of that small percent that has this due to genetics and it’s causing me a lot of contemplative nights. I feel as if I didn’t “deserve” or “earn” the right to have BPD. Like i don’t have a reason to be as shitty as I can be with BPD or even sometimes I can convince myself that bc of this, I don’t even have BPD. I don’t wish I had a bad childhood, but it is hard to not point at something from my past and be like “so this is where my BPD stems from”. I was just born and popped out messed up i guess.",1.3238698010849888,2.9385159620253205,2.851934900542496,94.71670886075951,79.25316455696202,5.5269439421338165,21.4122965641953,6.1826913282559595,0.06266763110307405,574,16,133,4,14,188,91,158,0.132,0.8,0.068,-0.8225,0,0,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,6,9,1,1,5,1,20,0,0,3,1,24,27,13,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,8,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,2,19,4,22,20,3,16,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,5,10,95,30,2,0.0,0.14552184420883485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254973039569082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7734386635975239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617016990565152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622431573830362,0.111097895554449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210157957773413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103015750164863,0.0,0.0,0.13530028872637467,0.12161130017339053,0.10860949046068397,0.0,0.11002276798657687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674987656810249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000748417329668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441733543038126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152584304370748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172457709768566,0.08514805685969376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610478074974424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285342922192348,0.0,0.0,0.2525592267861659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488777317476053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128128246692581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455298451009628,0.12147231072211162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839833214982255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412371598223134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candykains,2019/10/31,"I was just diagnosed a few days ago, what can you tell me? Resources, personal anecdotes, advice... Whatever you wished someone would have told you just after you found out.

A little background about me personally; 20 years old, junior in college in the midst of trying to decide/change major, non-binary and transmasculine. I was diagnosed with OCD as a kid and then again in high school along with depression, anxiety, and PTSD from childhood trauma. It wasnt a complete shock to hear the diagnosis from my new therapist as I've had friends with bpd who have at times pointed out symptoms I was displaying, but it's still been a lot to wrap my mind around and I'm by no means an expert even if I knew a little more about bpd than the average person to start. Finding unbiased resources has been difficult.",7.124933333333331,7.668119493333336,7.036666666666665,74.29833333333335,64.06666666666666,10.666666666666668,34.0,10.504223727775694,3.6314,644,26,113,15,9,205,108,150,0.09,0.885,0.026000000000000002,-0.7997,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,0,8,5,0,0,10,0,12,3,0,0,0,23,20,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,4,4,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,10,1,12,1,25,9,4,23,0,1,0,0,13,11,0,2,12,79,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137442496823279,0.12467859558325185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759760454464708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520918009700402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542899376689533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879007311287915,0.0,0.14746986258527234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907082377554629,0.0,0.12114247151832153,0.28551554103590904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289863699256712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855243545403264,0.0,0.0,0.1542165252424661,0.108666587970362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852386166851234,0.0,0.0,0.14860546858940152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28193843793047313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957642215969765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532101359769274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201738128051114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584158008769626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758952950933765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684329968776213,0.0,0.0,0.13296062593885194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441345333458598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234628729418922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917310765280408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995534781547516,0.0,0.11232404369055493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461902086915714,0.0,0.0,0.12293514433555887,0.0,0.0,0.16330661300763033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201470976618418,0.0,0.0,0.13439802614382768,0.0,0.09549277381538997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174167036478238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991441126823257,0.0,0.0,0.09057461112984158
bpd,kickasskittyfit,2019/10/31,"DAE find it nearly impossible to choose a career or field of study? I’ve got serious analysis paralysis because anything I want to study or be, I can’t stop analyzing how others would see me in that role or with a specific degree, and it just unravels. Either I get too judgmental about what I like or I’m too focused on copying what complete strangers are doing because they seem to “have it all.” 

And anything I actually DO like, I just remember all the times I’ve screwed up emotionally and burned bridges at a good job so why even try ANYTHING? (Black and white thinking, I guess)

Has anyone here found a job that somehow balances with BPD? I’m at a crossroads.",4.435546875,6.188011460937503,5.350437500000002,79.50081250000002,71.109375,8.557500000000001,33.1125,9.120678840339163,3.0589881250000004,529,26,98,11,10,173,89,128,0.055,0.8440000000000001,0.10099999999999999,0.6848,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,10,5,1,0,6,0,8,1,0,1,2,27,18,10,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,9,3,13,14,3,8,0,0,3,1,2,6,1,7,4,64,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.17968580287963087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874904052133834,0.0,0.4545736574593528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448973190300986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23190720445039845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930583961703738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712317732503774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161713281470095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829287406571167,0.0,0.0,0.20189070840872847,0.0,0.0,0.0962011198001579,0.0,0.0,0.15444078347449794,0.14726679781178162,0.0,0.20284162918569254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36544424460416336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991472031088518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858511862074305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467289823831061,0.16762642091879346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394219614117066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798404353835595,0.0,0.0,0.10736857044728472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501321582231276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860554157248584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615005757585374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080174929028862,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,argentlibra,2019/10/31,"DAE feel like time doesn't exist? I often find myself forgetting what day or time it is and everything kind of feels like one big mushy blur. I feel like time is something I adhere to but the concept fluid to me and I always am existing in just the present. Nostalgia haunts me a lot (even happy memories make me sad) and I have a hard time conceptualizing the future further than a few days in advance. Also I used to sleep primarily from ~4am to ~10am and now I sleep ~9pm to ~5am and my sleep schedule always is different and doesn't really affect me. 


On a daily basis thoughts or recent memories will pop into my head and I can't tell if they were reality or a dream/daydream. It's kind of scary trying to distinguish reality from imagination and not knowing what's the truth. Am I just weird or is this dissociation or something?",3.2767689161554223,5.536934754601232,5.0087361963190205,78.5071738241309,75.6871165644172,8.02764826175869,25.59059304703477,8.841846274778883,2.1446674028629857,667,24,124,15,15,226,101,163,0.069,0.845,0.086,0.406,1,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,9,0,0,9,0,12,4,4,3,1,35,19,16,0,1,10,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,4,17,7,15,16,2,18,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,9,14,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621336962307663,0.24183788138588705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744039808644591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182980036994925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598333034822032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060538992411866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043640633854625,0.31145263969301595,0.0,0.0,0.13282101092871715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469719749049693,0.13017931672211613,0.0,0.1491415514250131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026594866605685,0.07986477123547811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212989900778436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354694968162798,0.0,0.0,0.09700307825591456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984734556205099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309652873426663,0.0,0.14348722553197354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362786672620511,0.0,0.0,0.2237508316290113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270171980145435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536885832560735,0.33895201203138925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866360531989088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551092125459984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SaltedMackerel,2019/10/31,"Anyone else taken the meyers briggs personality test? I've taken the Meyers Briggs personality test several times, and each time I get ENTIRELY different results. It's like I'm jumping from one end of the spectrum to another (ex. I'll be rated as 'introverted' on one test, then a few months later, I take it again and it says I'm 'extroverted'. Anyone else have this experience, getting inconsistent results? Is it a normal effect of being changing/growing human being or is it more symptomatic of having BPD?",7.1756884057971,8.40936316304348,8.987826086956524,57.93471014492755,64.1086956521739,10.915942028985507,34.89855072463768,10.864195022040775,4.478407246376814,409,18,58,11,6,145,64,92,0.0,0.9640000000000001,0.036000000000000004,0.466,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,3,0,8,14,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,1,7,9,3,9,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,8,37,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519896983577127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736632527488399,0.4010169026898961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464658363619724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044553384021088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269492706248012,0.0,0.1733240520657681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142324901675206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448083539875966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956046883501132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561986083004295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917355315627232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26521043488773866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34173948909848223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562125706210597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107501427202947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471352017501592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821787341185745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OkBook5,2019/10/31,"Does anyone have any tips to help me avoid doing something silly ? I can't cope, I just feel shit. I woke up in a bad mood and today's events have worsened things. I spoke to my FP briefly and she seemed okay but even though the interaction was neutral it still made me feel shit.

I have an opportunity to hurt myself but I'm scared, how do I stop myself? Please help.",0.8230666666666693,3.2273502400000043,1.9773333333333305,95.72866666666668,86.6,4.4,16.333333333333336,5.82211442006289,-0.7184666666666666,288,6,64,2,9,91,58,75,0.273,0.5660000000000001,0.161,-0.9013,0,1,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,2,3,1,7,2,2,2,0,12,14,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,3,12,3,5,10,0,6,0,1,0,0,5,2,2,1,4,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520814571054775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958775257754818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905673290993617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973065468316134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074756924193627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308057194751543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30596324252693724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24433110529964244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596219792347526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505343303978139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285038153036595,0.0,0.0,0.20777726714487416,0.0,0.0,0.4685614627714443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570704132460127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822693755467154,0.19081531799803855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162969971492266,0.0,0.2242404788119785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634081688051152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lucioux,2019/10/31,does anyone else get triggered by their own sex lives? i can’t help but have dreaded desires of sexual perversions and it fills me with rage towards myself quite frequently.,7.8948387096774235,9.223850258064516,6.822741935483871,73.75411290322583,62.54838709677418,10.070967741935485,34.854838709677416,10.125756701596842,3.778858064516129,142,6,22,3,2,43,31,31,0.322,0.631,0.047,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945393021069189,0.4316079614816349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36862808511041545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518901753410637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200793930044587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823468545321581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719607429240971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480383094114157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lapzula,2019/10/31,"Rooting for all of you! I used to have SEVERE BPD - as in, I met ALL of the criteria and then some. I had over 15 hospitalizations (I stopped counting after that), and did inpatient DBT-therapy TWENTY ONE TIMES. 

I had other BPD-related things, like severe pathological lying and attention seeking behaviors. It was really hard, and I made this account to cope with the messy feelings from those symptoms, 

But on a psych evaluation in 2016, I no longer met any of the criteria for a BPD diagnosis. It was moved to complex PTSD. It CAN be overcome, or at least made muuucchhh more manageable. 

I’m writing about my own experiences in another sub, as it’s not *quite* fit for this group. 

**But I wanted to pop by anyway, and tell you all that you’re doing great, it can be overcome, and I’m rooting for all of you!**",1.8535925297113744,4.5469864000000015,3.8831918505942298,81.75215619694401,85.0,7.3921901528013585,25.577249575551786,8.371475516178862,2.2351935483870955,632,27,119,16,19,214,100,155,0.129,0.828,0.042,-0.8938,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,11,2,0,5,4,27,20,12,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,2,12,2,25,9,8,12,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,5,87,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000247561538,0.16961966245469962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.611193886652426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582325043356198,0.0,0.0,0.0817908119842014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834117960173004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449053565394006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790278575960279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30612280434333544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192548132067054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961289055477592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189089004752578,0.0,0.0,0.1720518726164932,0.0,0.0,0.10362771927598856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654859410649204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352387612713664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681307733972761,0.0,0.0,0.14138553518622185,0.0,0.18498687383352733,0.0,0.10746628193448383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432366713446452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970886659982445,0.0,0.0,0.0954103506227736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anythinginn,2019/10/31,"DOE change the tone of their voice when talking to different people? I notice that I put on different voices when talking to people, it is dependent on my mood or how I feel about that person
The change can be quite different eg. Childish or 'chavy' 
Does anyone else notice themselves doing this?",5.991666666666667,7.813558351851853,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,67.33333333333334,8.362962962962964,28.314814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.435903703703703,237,8,38,4,4,74,40,54,0.053,0.9470000000000001,0.0,-0.426,3,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,5,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,6,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274294197667032,0.17986336829703792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713999992504663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502116083084578,0.0,0.0,0.3072357090413297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664268932901067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887592330108674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997111158524121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433972298489448,0.1532763710882618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764680426605382,0.0,0.18671036368330898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821877767292145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abbeypeace,2019/10/31,"Medications Helping w/ BPD symptoms I realize that there is no medication that’s made for the treatment BPD,  but often times they prescribe anti-depressants and things of that nature.

I’ve been on a few (4-5) myself, has anyone been on a medication that’s really made a difference with their BPD symptoms?",8.677797619047617,8.548505946428577,9.17928571428572,62.49904761904765,60.964285714285715,12.466666666666667,38.30952380952381,11.855464076750405,4.9351738095238105,247,11,39,7,3,83,42,56,0.033,0.934,0.033,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,4,5,0,2,0,7,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772722886152487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6361630134659589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501561488850406,0.0,0.0,0.17590933509890186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285391295513028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186288507699907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5088409060292789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786122638479054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34999885239885825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185660598778542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817707545158216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theprincessth,2019/10/31,"approaching friends for advice Recently, I’ve been finding myself no longer able to ask for advice sincerely anymore. Advice such as boys and friend problems that my BPD mind can’t judge clearly.

It’s definitely not any of my friends’ faults, it’s more that I know exactly what each and every one of their opinions regarding the same issues (since they’ve talked to me about such things many times before), and I know that I tend to go to specific friends if I want to hear a specific thing.

I feel so frustrated by this tendency bc that defeats the whole purpose of seeking advice and an alternative perspective.",7.315410872313527,8.175259150442479,6.891554993678888,74.4057522123894,63.69026548672566,10.704930467762328,36.496839443742104,10.608840637214634,4.0591299620733245,496,23,85,12,7,155,82,113,0.11800000000000001,0.727,0.155,0.5475,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,18,10,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,1,2,10,5,13,9,4,4,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,2,2,54,20,0,0.1481227534576207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789753614818448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072855169682904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468979696587898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384747793809453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260415534361426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655542269707215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479980827001755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489531473893818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538151319032915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577570875479243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841815742801588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694510838055374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460167111024656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280878311129912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017322322056992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956175594167165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037181118987372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173347064413372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462533493772756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252867231844328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190554584390566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681235126657776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637156871276823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736663771751457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653737644669503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KikiDontPlay,2019/10/31,A Narcissist’s Prayer. That didn’t happen.,1.1762499999999996,2.5267241250000008,2.1950000000000003,86.45000000000002,120.25,6.6000000000000005,16.5,7.1686216300943375,1.3813,35,1,6,1,2,11,8,8,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,denvervaughn,2019/10/31,community joining this community has made me feel way less alone. seeing how many other people have the same struggles as me gives me hope and makes me feel a little bit better about my own crazy ass. love yall.,4.817723577235771,6.270732073170732,5.281463414634152,81.5389430894309,69.73170731707317,7.417886178861789,23.422764227642283,7.793537801064563,1.0671398373983734,169,4,32,2,3,54,36,41,0.195,0.617,0.188,0.1567,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,3,0,8,10,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,3,2,9,4,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,1,0,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872221749245595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24526895956205644,0.3027640289383998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804448852869887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660327349718202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754435298236406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779497109016187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502941230982976,0.2624089817215067,0.1851147294983444,0.28116119483622565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226030320642995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098989739428015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899173883791853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201254630593822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,initiateme,2019/10/31,"I just started person-centered therapy. Has anyone had any experience w/ this? If so, what was it like? I’m not sure how to feel about it yet..",-0.6644827586206894,1.400823931034484,2.134068965517244,90.09282758620691,102.79310344827587,5.078620689655172,19.593103448275865,6.742157984588678,0.6247599999999998,110,4,23,2,5,38,27,29,0.068,0.833,0.099,0.2259,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,6,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808707872900649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28879629676074337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404017162513844,0.0,0.0,0.2088375704872264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017828822185168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606370161766941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923408295348753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892706535178801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723294507808905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weekend_religion,2019/10/31,"DAE fall deep into self loathing immediately after texting their FP? Like no matter what you've said you're convinced it's the stupidest thing and they're going to like you less now/be annoyed/think you're stupid/etc? This has been happening to me the last few months. It messes with my general moods so much throughout the day that I've simply started saying less, *much* less, than I did before. Even after being reassured more than once that whatever I have to say is welcome and appreciated even.

My FP is far away and not an S/O, just a friend I'm in love with but can't be with (*fml*). We communicate exclusively through text now, which is *so* challenging for me because I value the direct feedback of actually *speaking* to someone so much to like...maintain our bond? If that...makes sense? I'm also pretty sure now that he doesn't call me anymore because he doesn't *want* to not because he *can't*. And it just builds on this crushing feeling of self doubt with everything I write to him because, he could be rolling his eyes at everything I say and I'd never know it, because I never see him or have his tone of voice or things like that to like...validate that we're still *us* and things are okay and- 

Ugh! Sorry this sort of went off track from my original question.

Tl;dr is title basically. Can anyone relate to this feeling of self doubt, that doesn't seem to go away even after being reassured that your words are wanted?",2.2476344086021527,4.85261913978495,3.357275985663083,87.02258064516133,81.61648745519713,6.037275985663083,23.336917562724015,7.359569317364363,1.1132767025089607,1136,40,218,17,31,365,165,279,0.07400000000000001,0.767,0.159,0.9617,0,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,3,2,1,1,12,17,0,2,6,1,22,2,1,1,3,40,38,15,0,4,8,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,0,3,20,13,0,0,5,0,0,4,10,4,0,0,4,10,22,12,34,29,8,26,0,0,2,1,30,9,0,8,16,140,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.10925041159048657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952912849372338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102773338066636,0.07828045089493797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103678913103852,0.0,0.0,0.34122890088137875,0.0,0.09526413484337562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431698318160716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938571507430101,0.0,0.0,0.07220070952087676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485768330205994,0.22183258115325136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123307282826386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321404993698435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649495290410265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725144406627234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990000605480166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152668483199297,0.09125699885736233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27347398806903245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104235390988273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936017067765599,0.0,0.24689598798347345,0.0,0.17269079501260745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922676379466812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389690025087205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541347871354064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649336205659027,0.2670896157805831,0.0,0.0,0.08921239998212888,0.10191821048369712,0.3503755738105185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485778955971487,0.0,0.0,0.12532271447900992,0.07924122368490487,0.0,0.08940616476945734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055147957897533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313068022523347,0.07173524625264904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466620832895826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206608343732218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378196394026334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miaogina,2019/10/31,"Angry at myself because I’m not able to get over him I (M, 23) met my first FP last year. I got into the spiral pretty quick and had a massive maniac attack where I alienated and couldn’t even recognize myself. Things with him went pretty fine, we got really close, til I started acting like I didn’t deserve anyone. I started misbehaving and trying to push him away just to tell myself ‘you’re not good enough’, he then (correctly) decided he didn’t want to continue the relationship as romantic, but just as friends. This end up with an suicidal attempt, after which I pushed him away for good, deleting his number and blocking him everywhere. 
A few months ago I texted him cause I wanted to fix things up, I didn’t want him to have a bad memory of me. When we met the same passion as last year came up, he still wasn’t sure what to do with me. I suffered for three months trying to let him see the real person of me, how much I had improved. At the end he decided that he couldn’t see a future with me, because of what happened last year.
After two months I still can’t stop thinking about him everyday, earlier I unfollowed him on Instagram because even seeing his profile picture around makes me suffer desperately. 
Do you guys have any tips? Thank you for reading all the post.",6.583491428571428,6.367464571999999,6.997485714285716,76.69960000000002,65.28,10.182857142857145,31.857142857142854,9.784248007369934,2.898834285714286,1013,35,191,19,14,331,145,250,0.157,0.726,0.11699999999999999,-0.9414,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,2,0,2,14,13,2,0,11,0,14,1,0,3,3,37,34,12,1,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,14,0,2,3,1,0,5,9,5,0,3,12,3,39,8,36,19,5,46,0,2,3,1,28,13,0,0,28,133,46,1,0.11148063088478448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882085292299367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581065183537744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794984916841688,0.0,0.0,0.0992413967537245,0.0,0.12682531149785892,0.2094794448684356,0.0,0.09308167023973213,0.2038726735846752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275041429532586,0.0,0.114521316671763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974774995192368,0.11518929235504435,0.0,0.1472638106010596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482536768069097,0.0,0.0,0.08612965888192288,0.0,0.058244028443942275,0.0,0.0,0.18700932804689924,0.1783224889360098,0.0,0.0,0.11038335153575672,0.09858195372097757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726147798780926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399649812351917,0.0,0.0544638051461326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744141867768794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669483279549316,0.0,0.08195109082610702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734058688020712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676762829497267,0.2268317592401556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151079912674124,0.12688936416299798,0.07141734676949217,0.0,0.0,0.1196884771088142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665068881077093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781312865581731,0.0,0.1780571516599808,0.09320279919189224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219417161493868,0.0,0.10506917528983524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743898510100947,0.10263638702358913,0.0,0.0,0.14812555514229864,0.07143228688038672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137606117993502,0.0,0.10890037760521293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726249337818744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334366170684303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536961376123573
bpd,azuk10273,2019/10/31,"I was misdiagnosed After years of believing I am Bipolar, I was finally properly diagnosed.  After almost dyimg from a Lithium OD, I went to a psychiatric hospital for 5.5 days. Not so fun being there, but I am glad I went.

I finally got help from a Dr who knows what he is doing. I was diagnosed BPD! No wonder my Bipolar meds never did much...

I just bought the Mind Over Mood book on Amazon after working on printouts as an in-patient. I also bought ""I Hate You, Don't Leave Me"" to read.

The prognosis is so optimistic! A vast majority experience a reduction of symptoms with treatment, ans a significant number complete treatment and no longer meet the criteria for the disorder.

I am so close to being healed, I can feel it. Thank god for my S.O. who is being so supportive during these times. She took care of my cat while in the hospital, cleaned up, she even threw up holloween decorations for me! I know now to be careful in this relationship while I have treatment these next 6-8 weeks..

Being able to understand what I am dealing with has been such a blessing for me and her. It all makes sense now. I am so happy, I feel so much better and so much less like an outcast crazy person who didn't even fit in with my own people (Bipolar people).

I look forward to getting to know everyone here and offering and receiving the support we all deserve!

You're beautiful, and you're loved 💓",4.177594171997157,5.882868067164183,5.590127931769725,77.71450248756219,71.68656716417911,8.985358919687277,30.672352523098787,9.48565724429506,3.018715849324804,1094,48,200,26,21,368,159,268,0.07400000000000001,0.6990000000000001,0.22699999999999998,0.9936,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,1,0,2,16,14,1,0,16,0,24,9,0,1,3,27,48,18,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,1,1,10,11,0,0,7,2,2,6,6,1,0,0,13,3,31,12,32,30,8,32,1,0,1,1,17,12,0,2,17,149,41,3,0.12215034473950133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231592567586995,0.0,0.0,0.09768358655647516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762160923215197,0.0,0.10803205347961367,0.0,0.0,0.1538440831238704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490808347112926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807231245180514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787768671110871,0.12593164182278727,0.0,0.2479600573320736,0.0,0.0,0.1399948776810437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135830134620466,0.0,0.0,0.11671988903661724,0.0,0.11948647596871695,0.0,0.0,0.12352576901498423,0.0,0.0,0.26761946400088515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381851355683263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769478933453213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003131335163015,0.0,0.12059817656627607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187480126012761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139190488401693,0.0,0.0,0.12933957796169207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059676488387483025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025755252307358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102454551952664,0.0,0.08153630362658881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356814961815317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333702703782976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693836745470041,0.0,0.0942098761929934,0.0,0.12990827739590724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936733775925378,0.10665696946809727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218340035755765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114375675983894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27722952732662204,0.0,0.126960978716009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245962601974674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122684832465466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571352749964508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271628167370999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798163855481523,0.0,0.0,0.2264691866909088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324668382851379,0.0889269057739414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866081715587298
bpd,grxybean,2019/10/31,"Got into a fight with bf and now I feel horrible and worthless. So this morning my boyfriend and I got into a fight, little bit of back story. He's going to his dads house for two and half days which is three hours away. My fear of abandonment kicked in and I lost it thinking he wasnt going to be coming home and that he'd find someone better there. I apologized to him because I was aware after I finally calmed down enough to understand what happened and how I acted. I cried while literally on him in a ball for an hour. I feel horrible and completely and utterly depressed. He understands that it's the BPD talking, but I still feel guilty about what happened. I hate this so much.",4.210000000000001,5.543064705882355,4.984588235294119,83.54864705882355,71.05882352941177,8.381176470588235,28.30588235294117,8.841846274778883,2.156346470588236,544,20,107,10,10,176,90,136,0.21100000000000002,0.75,0.039,-0.9665,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,3,1,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,23,20,14,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,13,0,1,7,1,0,4,1,8,0,3,5,3,17,2,18,13,3,21,0,4,0,0,13,8,0,0,9,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692736029051828,0.12024918831025475,0.0,0.09532987443861084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830841662268276,0.17073017934085244,0.0,0.19695942878329328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471045945241208,0.16396502869176055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717798312459257,0.10085436132791828,0.0,0.13469280075314916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158586509610925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175974811950941,0.2372164506868189,0.0,0.0,0.17131038025838435,0.1429316024175994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775259003027266,0.0,0.2501481956500159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765786636794315,0.0,0.0,0.1543962399234773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686530963902715,0.0,0.3080123130400921,0.1804454571889651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567372589021349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071096392153282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495979909218035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250315469901136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248879921878744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569506020613636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020417380275083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527638668913196,0.3256012872051455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bappo_nuke_jappo,2019/10/31,"I want to be alone but I don't want to I don't know who to talk to or where to post this but I want to get it out of my chest. I have about 2 people I really care about and I would literally die for them. However I think I'm being a burden on them with my constant paranoia,  oversharing of my feelings and all my stupid impulsive behaviour that I know will hurt them but I still do it and they are still with me for some reason. Part of me wish that they will leave so that I can finally end it all",0.6834545454545449,2.2492813454545484,2.860000000000003,94.15000000000002,81.0,6.945454545454545,19.18181818181818,7.908726449838941,0.4029272727272724,388,9,96,7,10,132,65,110,0.201,0.695,0.105,-0.924,1,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,5,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,11,1,1,1,2,23,22,8,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,22,1,17,17,4,9,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,2,5,74,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619638559617788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128289668988136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22557868593489103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166438722151171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488570054162312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554750964807434,0.0,0.0,0.2286694362147179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906040462777383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234653435155861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294410760690357,0.0,0.0,0.22103032365875944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604999085615246,0.0,0.14471717811402598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999195635000507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372709519258766,0.21462414971712435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33340731274445506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778095121241485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375507015556454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36936880776395226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400459149408991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828612944686426,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnonRN92,2019/10/31,"I hate lying when I call into work Sometimes I just can’t deal going into work.  Stress at home and/or work just increase my paranoia and dissociative episodes. I don’t do it all the time but I hate having to lie saying “I don’t feel good” when really I need a break to recharge.  Next time I am at work my boss asks how I am feeling and I don’t know how to respond. I say “ I’m better” but I really want to say “I HAVE A PERSONALITY DISORDER PATRICE SOMETIMES I NEED A MENTAL BREAK, thanks for asking”

Has anyone else called into work due to BPD? How does your work handle it?",0.8786877828054287,3.1028817815126075,2.8539495798319336,90.9051906916613,84.12605042016807,5.342210730446023,19.23787976729153,6.67199483983844,0.13846425339366508,448,12,96,5,13,150,69,119,0.15,0.7090000000000001,0.141,-0.2892,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,7,7,6,2,1,4,0,10,0,0,4,1,20,23,9,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,5,17,3,11,23,2,15,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,6,56,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882138119127111,0.13015585695260334,0.0,0.0,0.2375092683808767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234651242015756,0.0,0.0,0.15998812980728194,0.0,0.2594208956061661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096095377659758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558583084898755,0.0,0.11116362207416057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611613179583766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284589980090515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721933055528745,0.10654559944618336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508289735325309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742008684641826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698116204546675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801499532622082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883802593595392,0.0,0.0,0.1350964036122361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091651189713926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275560373123654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030548279201517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251269153334086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455108820966136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695090822075276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814284727938706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749247852134124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548701928120018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,guyinthegrayhoodie,2019/10/31,"Support system I’m currently going through it with my fiancé. She’s been saying for the past 4 years she has been trying to tell me I have a problem . Quick to anger, very afraid of being alone, bad anxiety when things go wrong. Etc , fast forward to today , she wanted to leave but I convinced her to stay , I told her not to pick me up from work last night and I walked home ( something that would’ve actually triggered my anger before ) 
I walked and thought about all the times she tried to talk to me about how I made her feel. She told me I told her in her darkest times “I’m not about to baby you” and I honestly don’t remember but she does vividly. She’s staying but the first time I regress back into what I’m trying to heal from she’s leaving . Our main problems rn are her leaving and going out with her friends ( I shut down , have anxiety attacks, mind start racing and I’m CONVINCED she’s meeting someone new or cheating) because for 4 years I’ve always told her she couldn’t go out without me for that very fear 

And to make matters worse, she actually has cheated before ( texting people , nothing physical ) so idk what to think sometimes..

My family doesn’t believe in mental illness, they think I’m just being manipulated, although they caused the environment that led me to be this way..

I’m rambling, and said all that to say.. DAE need like a support buddy , doesn’t matter the gender, just someone who gets how you’re feeling so when those attacks come you can direct it to your support buddy rather than your significant other ? I think if I had someone to talk to during the times she was out I would cope better!",3.100117111255696,5.279250295597488,3.8632812838863617,86.89556603773588,75.9182389937107,5.895640858815876,26.37432227282585,6.8039241337230125,1.1678055519410109,1286,49,245,12,29,409,174,318,0.166,0.723,0.111,-0.9603,1,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,4,2,3,14,21,6,2,8,0,18,2,0,9,2,52,49,19,0,8,11,0,2,1,1,1,2,3,1,0,13,14,0,0,7,0,0,9,7,12,0,1,11,6,49,9,39,33,4,41,0,0,1,0,40,10,0,2,21,158,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.17063435613092615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905491065848703,0.0,0.0,0.07274715232580245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376445814390545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892408690461727,0.0,0.06722678401373916,0.0729987809267395,0.053295335868764726,0.0,0.14878968485995733,0.0985014883077615,0.0,0.07732301716320537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898127041084759,0.0,0.07531153506527721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650888730233661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750540106935997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241939711750675,0.09838087758531176,0.08841251137974687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436626592316514,0.0,0.0,0.06754670477896642,0.0,0.045677554578895614,0.0,0.19874953246281168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769747587104403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126554040288231,0.0,0.2777210860432517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04271293553348902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827265473529992,0.05835891109792497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810692443872434,0.0,0.08827742092585962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482680109014771,0.0,0.08443856826897456,0.0,0.08204531480454692,0.0,0.08388958461976759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345997904725717,0.060611610825839185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731369819186567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903895256039176,0.0,0.08316410895941301,0.13905260997645175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223254278706486,0.06730639442531336,0.0864685900670185,0.0,0.06188203314594131,0.18637336546438546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976369902614439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405427310206842,0.07641598081333371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058083320387544914,0.16806111818731256,0.0,0.0694081163974062,0.20392002699560247,0.0,0.08287158124957543,0.3341650442650849,0.0,0.17807374801881176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427461674908496,0.051567336877710604,0.06939632715281549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427753307869842,0.0,0.06364867129667938,0.0,0.08909666562261641,0.12421277537379295,0.09558886245775976,0.0,0.11260161256053683
bpd,violetnotviolent,2019/10/31,"Should I go home ill from work? I'm experiencing paranoia, I feel generally crazy, my mood keeps shifting, I can't see reality right now, I'm snapping, I keep feeling like doing impulsive things

I didn't come to work yesterday to try and give myself a break and thought today might be better

But it's not, and everything's out of control, and most of my energy is going into controlling these things so they don't affect other people or my reputation

Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do? I've done mindfulness practice already today.

Should I just go home?",5.293888888888887,6.942469314814815,6.391666666666668,73.28250000000003,68.81481481481481,9.474074074074073,30.16666666666667,9.827888789773867,3.1227555555555564,458,18,79,11,8,153,81,108,0.07,0.835,0.095,0.3826,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,5,3,3,0,0,1,0,12,1,0,3,0,25,25,7,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,7,0,4,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,3,4,11,2,9,18,1,12,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,3,5,50,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821828239893558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122680343511278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543597281168907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601021487488314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221190301238085,0.0,0.0,0.3703288156218164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444728812285433,0.1689461534701775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837379740564482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669506733931197,0.11794156144733267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837102610271545,0.28147629586084083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312009222011896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29348222167283833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065547781223223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513623117488766,0.16669558005968202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144538152451306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409874312481214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155673046165992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935921285978305,0.0,0.0,0.13106438885921592,0.0,0.0,0.3129753035821718,0.0,0.0,0.11208644448402373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24037748431139236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IntrovertedFly,2019/10/31,"Everything keeps getting worse Tonight I walked to my spot with a bag full of pills and alcohol, classic I know. The trigger: I was okay for a couple hours but my friend (who is my fp) hung out with someone else and he wouldn’t tell me who it was. That was enough for my mind to spiral into thoughts of worthlessness and hate, then suicidal thoughts. I did walk back home and I’m safe in bed now, kinda; my 4 months clean of selfharm is now gone but at least I’m still alive right? 

Im trying to remind myself that I have no control over what he does and that Im not the only person in the world but fuck my mind is relentless, I’m going between acceptance and crying on my bed room floor every 5 minutes. Im fully lost right now, my mind is empty but so fucking full of bullshit at the same time. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. 

Im sorry if this is rambles, I’m still calming down.",2.057661290322581,3.719300935483872,3.40826612903226,91.33239919354841,77.27956989247312,6.155376344086022,23.990591397849464,6.9077264865688965,0.7460655913978491,698,23,151,7,16,228,115,186,0.17600000000000002,0.688,0.136,-0.8929,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,3,0,6,1,13,4,0,2,0,31,29,13,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,1,9,10,1,3,5,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,8,0,16,6,22,20,5,31,0,2,0,2,7,16,2,2,11,92,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277106587551255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320925259611408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553022150140113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934183039183026,0.0,0.13746535540629906,0.13646799249951475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872022301891204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378367760499092,0.0,0.0,0.12836954411949605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467463326282353,0.0,0.11165578070382907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959848334840123,0.2297093367493964,0.06490845829650944,0.0,0.0706064819923262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265785080243599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461936738432185,0.0,0.122347954707024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367870780861259,0.0,0.0,0.1104271345633441,0.0,0.0,0.13655429363536967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561884637479074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763304328032249,0.0,0.09916441150164372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448747798752692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084785443739136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121946324848531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526520715775596,0.0,0.0,0.13907262189470038,0.0,0.0,0.19843090376279013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589459741620047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858820156937267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725985202814852,0.07244331866105763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843484475292127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660763603127784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuckinelle,2019/10/31,"I kissed his best friend Hope someone can relate or give advice on my situation.

TLDR: a family member saw me and SO’s bestfriend making out while drunk and told him. It only happened one time but was part of a series of events. I want to fix this and keep my relationship with SO. Are we capable of change? 

My SO and I have been together 5 years he is amazing and understanding and has always been open and accepting about my issues. 
Not accepting in the bad way but like encouraging to get help and be better. 

And I was but I reached this point again where I can’t stand to be alone, without attention or feel like I am in the background. I want to consume peoples thoughts and feelings and have them almost obsess with me / not resist me. I told him about it and expressed I was worried and felt this way a lot about his friend and was feeling overly needy and sexual. We dismissed as maybe a kink or something but I knew it was related to my bpd. 

Fast forward I had been flirting with his BF and one night we all getting drunk he and I end up making out in a bathroom. I tell SO after that we need to go home. I wanted to leave and get out of there an felt immense guilt and shame for what I did. The next day he asked me about it and if I’m honest I feel I just chose to hide and lock it away because I wanted to forget I was capable of such things. So I denied anything happened. 

Three weeks later his family friend told him he saw us kiss and SO brings it up to me. He is unsure if we can be together after this and says he believes me and understands why I acted this way but neither of us know if I can change. I feel possessed in these moments of excitement and sexuality like I’m not in control I have this need for validation in anyway possible. I truly want to be better but don’t know if I am capable.",2.4248387096774198,4.177676416666672,4.042674731182796,86.78401209677419,76.5,6.908064516129032,24.259408602150536,7.756953410329674,1.1977860215053768,1425,47,296,21,32,476,185,372,0.092,0.684,0.22399999999999998,0.9955,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,7,0,1,4,16,23,0,3,9,0,29,4,0,3,1,87,69,46,0,12,18,0,7,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,16,37,2,2,16,2,0,4,7,4,0,3,20,10,53,19,45,45,5,40,0,0,2,2,36,18,0,10,19,214,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917547073458454,0.0,0.0,0.0940239190122731,0.09724859859945403,0.0,0.0,0.07812952421738613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726893206601229,0.0,0.08778068085218553,0.0,0.08821898172310133,0.0,0.0783997701616212,0.05723851864034391,0.0,0.0,0.10578935628604946,0.09853872798634572,0.16608789069730445,0.0,0.0,0.11825952779434187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866038423316626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531306303426136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060555563246288385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316455073552828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703478630298608,0.0,0.2373848057319013,0.06707977651810057,0.1803109937210332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763292739753334,0.0,0.14717135279797092,0.09007421054584216,0.053363622881770746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606497270413526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293693679127235,0.0,0.09418598317339412,0.09326054743395633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800369433056873,0.0,0.08345964560864677,0.0,0.0,0.10320627260874483,0.0,0.0,0.0994229813996396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761946238996942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982756333969637,0.0,0.0,0.12535346916413662,0.0,0.09433179283149244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392463337403221,0.0,0.0,0.09986013910620567,0.08811563346475237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725358312903756,0.0714126238852122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168090814081056,0.0,0.06509610568209892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876267241583957,0.10585435043649344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080984872916583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467037479343762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554375454950624,0.0,0.0,0.07955831616066747,0.07228621884312991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206979974710389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062380753634466476,0.0,0.0,0.07454344173731868,0.05475188436314924,0.0,0.0,0.2691667826554838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549942194682354,0.22589218720195894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769133475747195,0.22359234071189088,0.07531821876229476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472711056342269,0.0,0.0,0.09051300774172397,0.0,0.0,0.09535659312824972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046635596170843
bpd,NotFamousWriter,2019/10/31,"DAE suffer from ""The Cycle""? By the Cycle, I mean this: 

Step 1: Meet somebody. Idealize them. Think how cool and neat they are. Maybe you ever adopt some of their mannerisms in the way you act. Maybe you even wish you were them. 

Step 2: Get to know that person more. Maybe this doesn't happen, because you're shy and you don't get to know that many people. But say that you do. You slowly realize that this person, of course, doesn't meet your idealized standard that you created in your head, because no one is perfect and no one will be exactly as you want them to be. 

Step 3: You begin, almost subconsciously, getting frustrated and liking that person less because they can't meet the idealized image of them that you yourself created. Maybe you even distance yourself from them. You soon start comparing them to *someone new* you've met, someone who you are currently idealizing. And the second you get to know this new person more, you go back to step 1.",2.7156629834254176,5.423848232044206,3.390328729281769,86.87466436464088,80.49171270718233,6.49292817679558,22.862154696132606,7.734863291789972,1.290093701657459,754,25,140,13,20,237,96,181,0.08900000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.13,0.743,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,18,9,5,6,10,1,0,5,1,12,1,1,1,3,25,28,8,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,12,5,0,0,6,0,0,6,6,2,0,3,2,2,28,8,15,23,4,17,0,1,0,0,37,2,0,2,9,93,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894148179822693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990138222038368,0.0,0.2354853792615685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009868797591046,0.11647706180964895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269101628711349,0.0,0.07318121474599594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386817248310123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215202123144962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21230081442318302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290901858182757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054945802068674,0.5174547615607599,0.14026493799027068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487278101544209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745116109300885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892707772034921,0.4497372721118277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024006324501114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820760680671575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114189704912788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825086504816085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759500725795764,0.10220919681215003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480756166653066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KTCarrott,2019/10/31,"Music and BPD. Hey! I have found this album which is written about BPD and just really want to share it with everyone in hope that it'll help people like it has helped me! The link to it is below :) 

[https://valkyrie.hearnow.com/sunny-side-up](https://valkyrie.hearnow.com/sunny-side-up?fbclid=IwAR2qH_ztIggfyF_vdAB20xkc4yEaz7bm4L5Dk_dtp5izK6lCQSbdDjCiWWo)",18.36,24.50026714285714,10.419285714285717,39.06321428571431,44.23809523809525,7.057142857142857,17.642857142857142,8.07648339933343,0.5420285714285717,308,3,34,3,4,78,35,42,0.0,0.69,0.31,0.9292,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7062321649289616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26790546068069204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30741113113852003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758520768102044,0.0,0.0,0.27847057884115073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697457430103435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437319132654604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796121414068178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536943500697535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bansheesplittin,2019/10/31,"Said no to FP for the first time in my life. Still can't believe it. Hi everyone! I wanted to share a small victory I've overcome yesterday.

I've met someone three weeks ago and they quickly became my FP. Moreover, I developed romantic feelings for them even though I knew they didn't feel (completely) the same. I say ""completely"" because I have felt something from them, but I fell too hard too fast (three weeks, man. three tiny weeks). The infatuation kept me so high because I haven't felt a spark in about 4 years. It's been nothing but bittersweet suffering as I kept surrendering to their sweet nothings with occasional transparency and honesty.

However, it started eating me alive. I have decided to have a full disclosure conversation with them. I basically got no sleep the night before, got a migraine and a terrible pain in my stomach. The day of, I had diarrhea and couldn't eat a single thing. At work, I wrote down everything I wanted to tell them. And so I got the guts and went for it. We met, had something to eat, laughed, went for a cup of tea. Then I opened up. I told them it could be dangerous for me to invest my emotions in someone who is not willing or capable of doing the same in return. I asked them to be brutally honest about their current intentions, whether they wanted to pursue something exclusively casual or possibly let the relationship develop into something bigger. They told me they couldn't. They told me they can offer cooking for me, cuddles, movies and sex, but not honesty or empathy. This is something they have been open about from the very beginning, they have shared their mental issues with me, so I was prepared for this, even though it was devastating to hear it. After a long conversation and a walk, they invited me to come over and keep hanging out. I wanted to do it so, so badly. But I said no. They asked me a few times if this means we will never talk to each other again. I haven't explicitly confirmed it, but instead insisted that I demanded complete transparency if we continued any kind of friendship or relationship. They said they understood. Said they were sorry. Told me I was a good girl. And so each of us went our own way.

The day after, after bawling my eyes out at my therapy session, my therapist helped me get to some amazing conclusions - I've even left her office with a smile on my face, feeling optimistic about the future, and the feeling continued! First of all, she congratulated me for acting opposite to my emotions and I honestly cannot recall if I ever managed to do this before, ever. I mean like, ever ever, with anyone, ever. Then we discussed the whole situation from an objective point of view and came to some conclusions. I should give myself at least three weeks to avoid impulsivity and decide if I want to see this person again. The offer I was given still stands, even if we stopped talking and it could be a possible opportunity to fight my black and white mindset tendency and destructive behaviour in relationships. Face my abandonment issues. We agreed I should see her at least once before doing anything regarding the situation that could harm me in any way and even set a date for our next session, which is usually very hard for me. We discussed possible outcomes, talked about rejection and the human nature. She encouraged me to put a pause on all-or-nothing thinking, reminded me I can always turn things around for myself and that no bridges have to be burned. Not in this particular situation, not ever.

Whatever happens, I feel so proud of myself. I haven't been this positive about my future, independently on whether it could include the forementioned person or not, in such a long time. 

Anyway, I know it's a long post, I wanted to get it off my chest and create some type of a note to self. It takes so little for everything to turn dark. But it can also take so little to turn things around. BPD will not disappear as soon as I want to pretend it would, so I always have to be prepared for big swings. But it's not the end of the world. Thank you for reading :)",5.706907440836816,7.03509755963303,6.293990949331093,75.57905561462947,67.50589777195282,9.742763174163557,31.8274190756448,9.970008744664717,3.25598090457232,3230,133,575,76,53,1052,336,763,0.099,0.767,0.134,0.9784,2,1,5,0,1,0,101.0,10,1,23,7,43,27,4,1,38,0,51,17,7,2,9,126,111,58,0,21,26,0,9,1,0,6,3,6,0,6,33,44,5,6,17,4,1,11,20,12,0,6,36,22,107,15,97,57,15,103,0,3,6,2,80,37,0,13,51,436,140,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04712437821999278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251315660919064,0.08846909575670303,0.0,0.0,0.07230315716822272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03717169064778587,0.0,0.04374730691400415,0.09464984317322572,0.09939747538066347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044387552869472865,0.06481339848524972,0.0,0.13570932115527345,0.059894699123406475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695492896814506,0.0,0.0,0.06080248529961142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045793843430701,0.16721616604700326,0.0,0.0,0.1697802253864077,0.0,0.0,0.0685694169662538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631921681341259,0.0,0.11959885125880652,0.04708522595192879,0.0,0.0,0.17556303410701946,0.288525207833262,0.0,0.05079800094309842,0.0955560864271835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440001919791886,0.0,0.10208657181315957,0.0,0.0,0.09043812837593936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055549280223014814,0.05099726408046044,0.0,0.044589264537192835,0.12755409660802036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701045513575231,0.0,0.09524435436361008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991676742278197,0.0,0.03563296937613758,0.05616794345979082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109733907263746,0.0,0.04725229964685233,0.0,0.05535942291919818,0.029216118060282587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776002240318166,0.054361138711417185,0.037549472730687074,0.025971977341729163,0.10656338821941556,0.0,0.14113851238749714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581671033649513,0.0,0.0,0.053574192843239374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100135306159783,0.0,0.0565377576361757,0.049888377618719656,0.0,0.15302940646002242,0.0,0.0,0.05661516164054986,0.0,0.0,0.05656748339359208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928369771484054,0.0,0.0,0.05025471129024425,0.17979449047276644,0.05091393110464844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053441895601985714,0.0,0.0,0.053175791528100536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122636256476798,0.0,0.0,0.20227468110642732,0.04227608323461096,0.0,0.0,0.08472551438245927,0.0,0.05545893979628426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926694078762334,0.053199797827958736,0.0,0.09008697238545173,0.2046312351438764,0.0,0.059509840841448086,0.03762791628934984,0.0,0.08490953388287513,0.044445315238306415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994152152939599,0.1281873715780563,0.04646541141322008,0.04894387953726893,0.06079470001934061,0.061724488964578425,0.10595422643252496,0.03406368195074668,0.10446162157788194,0.0,0.0929965288238402,0.0,0.0,0.2031920037723937,0.0,0.0,0.17347302984340154,0.0,0.0,0.06394662498089952,0.0,0.058549777347692886,0.0877274537652882,0.2194918194601244,0.08439409812978135,0.17057149073033706,0.0,0.0,0.14784346593447892,0.0,0.05935281051068145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038702136205375715,0.0,0.0,0.03776433704763822,0.0,0.0,0.034234202046022906
bpd,hanhan_371,2019/10/31,DAE get really triggered by being left on ‘read’ or the blue ticks on WhatsApp? It takes me into a full blown panic attack. Especially when it comes to dating.,3.1950000000000003,5.739847166666667,4.830000000000002,78.245,77.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,20.0,7.793537801064563,1.0950000000000002,125,3,21,2,3,42,28,30,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,3,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,2,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349074334347366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329306992762269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997295384043458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153566910857098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448532232860514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823911400311146,0.0,0.24490328168255884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874327647506065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,restinsleepqq,2019/10/31,"update to an old post about paranoia, fuck me. old post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/dj9e0r/dae_feel_paranoid_even_though_you_have_full_trust/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


well... she broke up with me, I don't know what to do now :(, obviously the issue wasn't only my paranoia but I really thought she's the one and she was so supportive and helping until recently when she figured out she can't handle with me when I'm barely making any process...

told me I should improve myself for myself... which I guess I should, but I don't know what to do I can't even leave my bed and my mind is just going fjrhdjoejsos pls help me :(",7.07148370497427,10.694483764150943,5.088936535162952,75.74088336192114,69.84905660377359,6.118696397941681,20.957118353344764,7.348242739294969,0.6776150943396231,533,12,85,6,11,152,65,106,0.099,0.747,0.154,0.7945,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,1,19,21,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,4,0,22,2,10,15,0,13,0,1,0,1,8,2,1,1,8,62,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903606955170587,0.0,0.13119681611524756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24298450711925154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274263089164063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835768569936,0.0,0.0,0.10964472669444447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253058268611635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25862948805981073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136541898079846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205500942860026,0.0,0.0,0.2042815879810556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878011390974511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480103567071072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048883727236745,0.0,0.13073216912188318,0.14672949859073414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695410224646011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359382599561687,0.0,0.1904919058326292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189310069277224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316230148503632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843497918976883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346433153885693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liverightdre,2019/10/31,"Mind blowing moment You know that moment when you’re like “oh shit that’s why they said I have BPD!”

For the life of me I could never figure out why my friends were so shitty (when they weren’t they were just adults and busy). 

I also could never understand how I could give someone the world and those feelings go unreciprocated, or that person just didn’t care for me the same way that I did.

So many moments of “splitting” and honest disruption, pain, and chaos in my life not truly understanding what was happening. 

But 27 years old, facing heartbreak again , I finally fucking get it. I feel like a tiny weight has been lifted off of me.",4.057804878048786,5.934577747967483,4.364723577235772,85.67732926829271,72.33333333333334,6.871219512195122,23.68211382113821,7.554174236665415,0.9963567479674804,505,14,98,6,10,158,86,123,0.171,0.723,0.107,-0.8687,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,3,0,9,9,2,0,4,0,12,7,2,1,2,24,24,12,0,3,5,0,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,2,7,5,1,0,6,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,8,4,16,5,8,13,1,17,0,1,0,1,9,4,2,1,13,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281264624084574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178925475610066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335316571762454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837636640165696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202230444337676,0.11445993709980735,0.0,0.17551124197439694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378420876246718,0.14811917395059776,0.08370741356303242,0.15369592757378842,0.09105571359226518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168045360934942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805175035068083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263337512437596,0.1565490706389455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243614020915803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617747414423316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471403556332025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812208309071933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048349529056758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398963804554154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240422843220847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644617129597632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575238821881572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335856602480485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717377517885226,0.0,0.1951026437816727,0.0,0.0,0.2891440684248836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317528857843132
bpd,question_23,2019/10/31,"Debilitating email /text anxiety Good fucking lord. I'm so isolated that I'm terrified by most emails/texts and hold off on reading them for hours/weeks. 99% of the time it's a benign message, but even then I sometimes go off the rails and have some wild stress reading it. It was bad enough that I couldn't read my manager's emails, at least I got over that. It seems to get worse though over time in general.",5.495121951219512,5.771086560975611,5.484048780487806,84.95485365853662,67.53658536585365,9.486829268292682,29.81463414634146,9.3871,2.231348292682928,326,11,70,6,5,102,64,82,0.217,0.741,0.042,-0.9418,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,10,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,11,7,4,11,1,0,0,1,4,7,1,3,3,40,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417858109552738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919313456735875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217529005714552,0.0,0.1417500554189328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840653038818232,0.1121265873272372,0.0,0.12196967971133135,0.18000744722216638,0.17164585505394725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6440141087552974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195375880889408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122580336140018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24583880108992465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210856469915957,0.0,0.2502854730894376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214983771282225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870927965823456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justlikeh0ney,2019/10/31,"advice for bringing up possibility of BPD diagnosis with psychiatrist PREFACE: NOT ASKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS BUT ASKING FOR ADVICE HOW TO BRING THIS UP TO A PSYCHIATRIST TO SEE IF I HAVE BPD OR NOT

​

ALSO don't know if i flaired right i'm sorry this is my first time posting after lurking for a hot minute

​

i've suspected i've had BPD for a few years now except the problem is, i hide a lot of my symptoms.  i currently have bipolar II which i suspect may actually be bipolar I but whatever.  i know i at least have traits.  i have a friend who has textbook BPD (i hate to put it that way) but i feel bad since i know it's not as severe as her but i internalize a lot of feelings that i feel would meet criteria for BPD.  one of the ones i know is a big one with me is i split on people constantly.  i've had identity issues my whole life and unsure of who i am and almost absorb personalities.  i have horrible mood swings and anger to the point where tonight my boyfriend had to say ""babe please don't start punching the walls"".  

i've thought i've had this for years but it seems to be getting worse.  i don't know if it's my bipolar getting worse or if it's BPD.  does anyone have any advice on bringing this up with their psychiatrist?  i have an appointment in a month and a half and i finally feel like i have the courage to bring this up.",2.241474820143882,4.1484000251798525,3.984929496402877,86.29855971223024,77.52517985611509,7.037928057553956,25.86820143884892,7.9765259561132025,1.4916381007194248,1069,41,226,18,25,359,135,278,0.14300000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.064,-0.9611,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,4,8,2,0,16,0,25,5,0,1,0,43,48,20,0,6,15,0,5,1,1,2,5,1,0,2,15,8,0,0,13,0,0,5,6,4,0,5,5,7,30,3,35,39,5,32,0,0,1,0,11,13,0,11,13,154,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0817921830549584,0.0,0.0,0.2457116478419842,0.0,0.0,0.08392947074270905,0.0,0.0,0.06702750827116495,0.0,0.1816288858781158,0.2036908737566223,0.05699765498096063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860599402795288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671301861810097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998273721345305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6333788050314869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057516219391837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733478187799686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951925694429842,0.059878062942350825,0.0,0.09181617132000673,0.0,0.07129372271120045,0.0,0.0,0.06475592099168276,0.0,0.08758064882908419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275080350996444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748197567601064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23031500729747914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059201616505933835,0.040948192628794816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251448380717366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690101512190205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038737580284224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058107359858047006,0.07318477090383198,0.0,0.09200463841331846,0.07923307383728008,0.09448978197546164,0.0802724194207821,0.0,0.0,0.08020045283032452,0.0,0.0842580835014835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157828147056718,0.0,0.06665373133143808,0.0,0.0,0.0667903840716135,0.07630280570258498,0.0,0.09468805793993164,0.0,0.06933334067089206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382498660081992,0.05932529295568378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711676496524375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654042586266233,0.04887369857626645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652912370671313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357740790674553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083103190778054,0.059540377984268936,0.0,0.2036908737566223,0.10794932410643301
bpd,SethRoganIsNumber1,2019/10/31,"Thank you to everyone on this sub. Hey everyone, I just want to say thank you. I was diagnosed bipolar about a year ago. At first, I didn’t think about it. Then, I realized what it meant for the rest of my life—medication, therapy, trial-and-error treatments. That made me completely overwhelmed. I felt totally alone. I felt as if I couldn’t talk to anyone in my support system about how overwhelmed I became with this realization. I’ve been a lurker on this sub for awhile. Every post I see makes me feel hopeful. I don’t feel as alone. So many people are going through the same thing as me. I love that this is a platform where we can connect and support each other in times of need. Keep on keeping on, you guys. We got this!",1.981041666666666,4.350765576388891,3.231777777777779,88.99100000000001,80.7361111111111,6.34,23.488888888888887,7.554174236665415,1.1294255555555557,569,20,115,9,15,184,95,144,0.033,0.805,0.162,0.9422,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,3,0,1,7,8,0,2,5,0,8,3,0,3,1,25,29,8,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,12,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,8,6,21,6,22,20,4,17,0,2,1,1,10,9,0,2,5,80,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339118759173155,0.0,0.0,0.3117032040953693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521891529588394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777511779160094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273374277481713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678564971138356,0.2875796319880584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217413025138618,0.0,0.28896824882770905,0.0,0.0,0.12799796839040264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552108962975992,0.0,0.12035237437195342,0.0,0.0,0.14899857586924506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946031032582693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267506568974098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628827265597088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581381757253227,0.14238754442876916,0.10044637800865654,0.15256281190815574,0.0,0.0,0.167149039728923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157880167549072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432368696033288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441179701789962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966750888607296,0.0,0.0,0.1199128498845826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34152519379024565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094989454810555,0.0,0.2770830072853088,0.17208666811485734,0.0,0.09997203590477356,0.09642132502937516,0.0,0.0,0.0877459317256865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875683448285633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969040025495106
bpd,casstorpedo,2019/10/31,"Plastic Surgery DAE obsess over getting plastic surgery? Like I wish I was rich enough to fix a lot, but I am trying to save up for it. I feel like I would be happy then, but realistically I know I won't and I will probably go overboard with it lol",1.3419230769230772,3.2906324230769246,3.4429230769230803,88.90207692307693,80.53846153846155,5.6984615384615385,25.784615384615392,6.742157984588678,0.8994569230769232,194,8,43,2,5,66,39,52,0.026000000000000002,0.589,0.385,0.9670000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,10,11,4,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,5,6,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445608218096738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861106662353384,0.2382290777354764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422288040709474,0.0,0.18951712906076304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549820999052878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832648856057462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258305190762218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835019402182213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35953410790456625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264023807078529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834708927928315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23688557441930466,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NetherlandsOates,2019/10/31,"How I'm Learning to Deal™️ So I was recently dumped and it sucked. But I found a new FP very quickly. 

In previous situations, I'd jump right in. A tradition I have with my FP is making a Google doc of exciting things we plan to do together, and inside jokes we have with each other. But rather than to indulge in my attachment issues, and make FP a Google doc, I'm making one for myself. It's an act mindfulness, I hope-- I'll learn to put myself first emotionally.

It's the holiday season soon. But as soon as autumn hits, I cling. My FP does not need to be subjected to my issues. They don't deserve my emotional burden. They don't need to be taxed by issues I've refused to address. I deserve to love myself so much this winter. 

http://imgur.com/gallery/SbmczQn",2.4146929824561383,4.721436171052633,4.121210526315789,83.5641403508772,78.73684210526315,7.4743859649122815,23.291228070175446,8.447377352677275,1.6422538596491227,606,20,118,13,15,203,94,152,0.085,0.8190000000000001,0.09699999999999999,0.42,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,2,2,7,7,2,0,6,0,9,1,0,4,0,25,21,11,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,3,2,1,3,3,3,0,2,2,0,18,4,20,16,2,16,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,9,77,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505810928587887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859462259925915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820081430260023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443324963414267,0.0,0.18617881303643816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686514136368527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316866149275804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325267474081478,0.0,0.34003188422928626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145132427136264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248237960851866,0.25181163605848306,0.0,0.16399555172156924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506203467369296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069762028505092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765870574316755,0.0,0.0,0.145009734417995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086423889931176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128087125119581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010419561956106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bomberman294,2019/10/31,"fp vent i am angry at my fp. we have not had proper conversation in a month. i had dinner with them for rosh hashana and we've seen each other like twice since then. it hurts!!!

i admitted to myself that i am in love with them in september. we haven't talked about this specifically.

i know they're busy. this i can rationalize. however, that doesn't make me feel better that in the past two weeks they have only messaged me first once. this month has dragged on now that three weeks ago feels like years since their full attention was no longer mine.

we used to call each other for hours almost every single night and they would come over at least once a week. when their classes started up again in august i know they've been busy and i know they've been dealing with a lot but i feel like something's changed. i asked them specifically if something had changed and they said they haven't been feeling themselves lately (i'm paraphrasing).

i am hurt and i am angry at my fp and they probably don't even know they're my fp.",3.0952928297755915,5.153026906403942,3.2822249589490973,91.61761220580186,75.50246305418719,6.481554460864806,22.115216201423106,7.3871296695380915,0.614930158730159,814,22,171,10,18,249,116,203,0.094,0.8420000000000001,0.064,-0.7834,1,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,10,2,5,7,0,0,4,0,20,2,0,2,0,33,38,10,0,2,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,10,15,1,0,10,0,0,1,6,2,0,4,9,6,32,5,19,28,6,31,0,2,1,1,22,12,0,3,21,110,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373208481811085,0.0,0.12847603630025442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199451592541504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347279553128525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101080580753152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714532536431627,0.110520912570856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227384820721533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474233778861083,0.0,0.10810006663129956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594936202509033,0.1833181150814933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913371460548796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635174008992514,0.0,0.2747001382733672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28204595097475715,0.0,0.14473037566488753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804579974301333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090778711750248,0.1157976692351462,0.0,0.08564265893124619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481905035894726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040284475017175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732751331225971,0.0,0.09757954098228278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224788877222102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833138170008605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220446935169983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122656729281292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754647484723198,0.0,0.0,0.09081289830437504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312438110671243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253325246258679,0.0,0.0,0.11081183416464196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087486559620638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114214227190652,0.0,0.0,0.0826223563651556
bpd,JordanLikeAStone,2019/10/31,"Hypersexual/mania and impulse-control. I fear I’m going to cheat even though I’m in control of my actions Alright let me clarify. I know I’m in control of my actions. I would not cheat and then blame my disorder or blame poor impulse control. It would be entirely my fault. 

I have cheated before though. Wasn’t proud of it. Regretted it immediately. My boyfriend at the time gave me a second chance for some reason. And I cheated again. I hate myself for it. It was obviously terrible. But I struggled more then with needing validation, needing attractive men to want me. I felt helpless to lust and it’s hold over me. I wanted so much to be desired and to be craved the way I desired and craved validation, attention, and respect. Spoilers: you can’t get those things from making guys sleep with you (this isn’t an anti-casual sex rant so don’t come here to call me a slut shamer please). I’m just saying it left me feeling more empty and angry and lost. And it ruined my relationship as well as my self-worth.

So I am definitely not making excuses just explaining where I was at that time.

I felt like I “had” to sleep with these guys. Obviously it was my choice, but I mean, I felt so intoxicated by my desires. These powerful, enigmatic, sexy, interesting, but callous and uncaring, men. I was addicted to the idea of what salvation they could give me.

It was a sham. I got help. Therapy. Self-help books. Learning DBT. I learned that this type of sex and these type of men were unfulfilling and stopped feeling so addicted to it.

Get to the point, Jordan!

Okay so these feelings have come back, more or less. Strong sexual feelings. I have a very attractive boyfriend who is great in bed. His job leaves him very tired plus he has school. He goes to bed early. We don’t have much time for sex during the week.

I’m not blaming him or using that as an excuse, just background.

I’ve found myself fantasizing about a particular celebrity. Sexual, nasty dreams. They’re just dreams though right? I find myself getting super turned on watching Netflix, too, and being incredibly aroused by some of the attractive characters. Different from the aforementioned celebrity.

Okay again, still nothing off-base. I’m not craving validation or attention or whatever else. And it’s in my head! They’re not actions. But I fear that impulsive girl I used to be. I fear that in the wrong situation if an attractive man tried to take advantage of me, I’d let him.

It would still be my fault and intrusive/anxious thoughts keep telling me “don’t cheat don’t cheat”. It’s so stupid! Of course I won’t! I’m different now. I have come so far. I love my bf and we have a good relationship. I keep dreaming that I do cheat though. And the sense of guilt and dread I feel afterward. “I’ve been so in control, how could I let this happen!” In the dreams, it all feels out of my control.

Because that’s how it felt 6 years ago. I didn’t feel in control.

I’m trying to put my energy into other things. Distraction. Grounding. My mind is all over the place. My thoughts are racing. I feel disgustingly sexual. I don’t want to have sex with anyone else. But I’m so afraid I will—as if someone will come and possess my body and make me.

That’s how it felt then. But this is now. I’m still in control, right?

Does anyone else relate? Please tell me your stories",1.5657282151863292,4.24853836744186,2.991110488465491,87.45897730456709,87.03100775193798,6.395255440366117,23.740076585411412,7.694131981043704,1.4796431306621831,2617,103,514,53,83,850,283,645,0.146,0.7040000000000001,0.151,0.6807,4,0,0,0,0,0,103.0,2,3,1,13,35,45,10,8,20,3,47,16,5,16,4,122,105,58,0,16,22,0,13,1,1,5,4,1,2,7,39,34,0,11,26,6,1,9,15,27,1,1,21,15,76,18,58,68,10,54,0,4,1,8,34,24,0,9,21,327,115,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430885473799334,0.0,0.0,0.050540082277737125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973199327836042,0.11683657439796785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384077701026411,0.0,0.034755625600536424,0.0,0.048515301535469416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333046712501242,0.0,0.0,0.058218372725467725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645242672460625,0.0,0.0,0.5115745797215115,0.09104318066653434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913643138754185,0.06534377382445361,0.0,0.049893939100815334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288537163452975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037657664775016704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247213054592688,0.2306267213689572,0.0,0.27371521565775664,0.0,0.0521103934035896,0.0,0.0,0.06251366433732873,0.0,0.0,0.08936346639421001,0.05469368551737155,0.03240276201452545,0.04782121660880469,0.04559985567934614,0.06285889658450268,0.0,0.11290701311911976,0.05041790173619304,0.0,0.0,0.05629020221112932,0.058513520287465134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643148926710047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436264472799838,0.0,0.0,0.0565782819359448,0.10135455160025968,0.0,0.0,0.03133378235166431,0.0,0.0,0.06037032403524496,0.061946627093792735,0.17490414899655266,0.0,0.02785449742463928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062238268778841525,0.0,0.05145798338326541,0.0,0.11417324414104392,0.0,0.0,0.0621057114241136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756858345419129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382471412849016,0.08455133984398483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470713238412957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956821569377092,0.1251700160234434,0.053897310466269714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731551063005218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586205967114967,0.0,0.12242487899776115,0.0,0.09738046682333873,0.0,0.04534036958712,0.0,0.05770190976345206,0.0,0.0,0.1189575114288142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640868999536273,0.11411172989199506,0.0,0.04830836149453241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659601433587282,0.04766683347030301,0.0,0.05960413280609421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286795102782988,0.0,0.09966670350238133,0.0,0.06520126645881699,0.0,0.07575605272463047,0.0,0.22406657228517604,0.09052658990973783,0.09973717205051236,0.06552999851739749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741846341758855,0.06201561012522298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984847719090813,0.0,0.09408617999405246,0.10088622341090343,0.045255606804218786,0.04573374493931324,0.0,0.05126305315645531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150479902196942,0.06233661278247374,0.0,0.036715590814620606
bpd,cantaur3099,2019/10/31,I need friends with BPD I really badly need friends with BPD. Would any of ne like to talk?,0.9205263157894772,3.0568202631578965,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,83.21052631578947,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.1712947368421056,71,2,17,1,2,22,14,19,0.135,0.518,0.34700000000000003,0.6494,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245720518113048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402421024439376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6758437496280165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145849286964264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131080704754681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978908341350409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718836229150107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156541104028634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059680553641487,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ralib1,2019/10/31,"“Outside” by Mariah Carey perfectly sums up how I feel. It’s a song about not having a sense of self and feeling like you have space to belong in the world. 

Here’s the lyrics 


It's hard to explain 
Inherently it's just always been strange 
Neither here nor there 
Always somewhat out of place everywhere 
Ambiguous 
Without a sense of belonging to touch 
Somewhere halfway 
Feeling there's no one completely the same

Standing alone 
Eager to just 
Believe it's good enough to be what 
You really are 
But in your heart 
Uncertainty forever lies 
And you'll always be 
Somewhere on the 
Outside

Early on, you face 
The realization you don't 
Have a space 
Where you fit in 
And recognize you 
Were born to exist
Standing alone 
Eager to just 
Believe it's good enough to be what 
You really are 
But in your heart 
Uncertainty forever lies 
And you'll always be 
Somewhere on the 
Outside

And it's hard 
And it's hard 
And it's hard
Irreversibly 
Falling in between 
And it's hard
And it's hard
To be understood 
As you are 
As you are

Oh, and God knows 
That you're standing on your own 
Blind and unguided 
Into a world divided 
You're thrown 
Where you're never quite the same 
Although you try, try and try 
To tell yourself 
You really are 
But in your heart uncertainty forever lies 
And you'll always be 
Somewhere on the outside
You'll always be
Somewhere on the outside
Oh",2.8466912972085368,5.513196754789277,3.823901204159824,84.24961206896553,79.53639846743296,6.94696223316913,26.5628078817734,8.07648339933343,1.9834279146141216,1087,45,199,21,28,349,109,261,0.135,0.7709999999999999,0.094,-0.6369,1,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,19,0,2,11,6,0,0,14,0,22,5,4,1,2,36,28,21,0,0,8,0,10,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,13,15,0,0,6,1,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,12,20,6,34,14,7,30,0,0,1,0,22,23,0,2,4,138,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058506637496942,0.0,0.0,0.4961412704209509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239292855913548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041956331980796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536746968403552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507450611970416,0.07099545247590683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667066084142914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341374247153918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532891775625164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461538784519124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855092701563847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664621271780023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734090498191081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038285505033676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570042216008577,0.0,0.0,0.1909917080537865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036726200314334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686049462434448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241281559034785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579656154407397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bisalpsoon,2019/10/31,"DAE find themselves particularly attracted to artists or other creatives? Is this just me? I feel like its easier to keep up the mask I create for other people when they are artists. They tend to be type b and certain types of artists are prone to chaos in their own way. I feel like I have to worry less about seeming ""crazy"" or chaotic when the relationship gets serious. I think I also feel like they are able to understand my deep emotions in a more meaningful way and are less likely to judge me for them. Anyone else?",5.2593571428571435,6.5294680500000055,5.439428571428577,81.50900000000003,68.5,8.514285714285714,29.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.2302714285714287,415,15,79,7,7,131,68,100,0.099,0.715,0.185,0.8237,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,15,16,7,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,8,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,14,6,14,15,4,8,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,6,54,18,2,0.1989645935101604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911191354614754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912066993952732,0.20386273859901372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620938729872994,0.2238083877967779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018074300876095,0.4264210360759925,0.0,0.0,0.18185003392075708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395078814830122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684887258268825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38881620119700505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379369971612965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361351300942089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811298933441195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748847768314084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207129158707337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158576665776901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205820268076874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Space-bunny-,2019/10/31,DAE feel like they want another partner? I love my man but sometimes I feel like I could totally have a gf too. But then other times I’m super clingy and I can’t even imagine my bf with anyone else. And it wouldn’t be fair for just me to be with two separate people . It’s really weird feeling I get. Not that I want anyone else to be with the way we are but more like I want to sleeep with and go on dates with another girl .,0.6268719806763272,2.459469489130438,2.6336231884057995,94.38770531400968,82.36956521739131,6.262801932367151,18.917874396135264,7.3871296695380915,0.2412207729468596,331,8,78,5,9,111,62,92,0.026000000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.262,0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,1,24,18,7,0,5,5,0,3,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,12,5,10,13,2,6,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,6,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878080776871045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585997874820396,0.3789434086259595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764303640233076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30895274046376275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213747214234275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805023053550626,0.2642128097740754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096612716627321,0.0,0.10509391558208507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710267291054558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689691327180625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819977853516354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846405666045046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288994378802886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782794725105732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806393136475256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272106322846176,0.14678035529707484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pizzarollfire,2019/10/31,"Is the love you guys feel for your FP’s real/permanent for you? I’m sorry, I’m worried is invading your space. If you’re willing to read and give advice, I’d really appreciate it. 



I met my partner by chance and from the moment I met him I felt such an insane, real, absolute connection with him. He is incredible, the most intelligent and interesting person I have ever met. 



He later told me he had BPD, and was diagnosed with that after a number of attempts to seek help (being left with the feeling there is no real help because tbh fuck everything about our health care system and the way these facilities run) 



I love him. I’m with him. He’s my partner ride or die and he’s the most important person to me. Reading you guys’d subreddit has helped me put a different perspective and validation to the way he reacts and feels so intensely about some things. Your posts also show me how possible it is to live a happy, healthy (as best we can), truthful and honest life. His feelings for me are 1023% real and honestly even his criticisms and points of anger are always based in reality and truth. 



Anyways, tangents aside, after seeing the way you all talk which includes the way you sometimes will attach so quickly to a new FP because they see what that person could be or could be capable of I worry that I’m not helpful right. I worry it’s not love and I’m just a temporary favorite person until the next one. 



Which leads me to my biggest fear, the way you guys describe “SF’s” is the way he talks about me. I want to be his favorite person, I want to be there for him constantly. I want to be with him and I love him more than anyone in this earth. 



I’m scared he’ll turn on me one day, I’m scared that this relationship isn’t real to him or that I’m not good/strong enough to make everything better like I want to. I’m scared the love is only momentary and he’ll hate me the way he hates other people in his life that have betrayed his trust/not been there for him. 



Self centered real question: the love is real right? He’s chosen me every time. I will always choose him. He’s my partner. But ever since learning more about BPD and favorite people, I worry that I’m not enough and then I let him down.  I know he loves me, but I’m scared that I’ll lose his trust.  I feel so guilty but sometimes it feels like he must be imagining a better version or person than me.  Hotter, more attractive, smarter, more interesting type of person he or any sane person would want to be with. 



I worry that he’ll get bored of me. Should I worry that a new person with immediate chemistry with him will make him forget about me? Or do I just be with him while we can enjoy time together? I need to know if your favorite people are real connections you guys truly love and really aren’t replaceable or if one day he will find a new favorite and dump me as quick as he can. 



Sappy tangent- I wouldn't change anything about him, except maybe make his head easier for him to live in. I see how much mental and emotional pain he's in every day. I feel guilty for worrying about my own feelings when he feels so dark so consistently, but I want to be real with him too. I don’t want to fake what I think he wants to see, but I also am so scared that one of these episodes I’ll trigger something in him that either makes him dead or makes him hate me.",3.5321402558051425,4.882372439821693,4.740423039944061,84.57976196719402,72.7444279346211,7.715281298254816,24.637386009381466,8.251243910053105,1.4092446406199928,2624,77,532,41,51,866,272,673,0.132,0.701,0.166,0.9359,2,0,1,0,0,0,65.0,3,11,1,6,31,40,6,6,24,0,47,15,1,10,6,116,112,53,2,18,24,0,10,2,3,12,5,0,0,16,26,32,0,0,18,3,0,4,9,16,0,4,8,14,91,24,68,79,15,50,0,1,4,9,100,15,1,15,24,341,117,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04209721031529107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890201105360078,0.07169190786944091,0.0,0.0,0.029295830583761718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03012248964995792,0.0,0.03545111284329264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052522252580589165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520973011887965,0.07620139683028576,0.0,0.0,0.1085153308719226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043922861126202056,0.0,0.04557285516075926,0.0,0.0,0.04655410135059298,0.0,0.06879163945525593,0.0,0.0,0.08334897539800196,0.0,0.0,0.04372522348283265,0.04471016728503557,0.045009359152421116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845912435522818,0.0,0.08902617012777142,0.0,0.028453888352365838,0.07793652853601621,0.07259340034925715,0.0,0.07743492895351453,0.0,0.0,0.04847689968930419,0.1960425692252522,0.030776311555780537,0.04136348992004691,0.0,0.03937427678434535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982670234139174,0.022507486065609515,0.04132619562546967,0.0,0.0361334024929757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796771512589553,0.0,0.04585938797757192,0.0,0.12759753999219084,0.04421243811347535,0.04579195250408733,0.0,0.0,0.11550227956004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047351207251867734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046806471449121805,0.04405214854794689,0.06085725905818446,0.042093356800911516,0.0,0.07608073726510384,0.0,0.0,0.04819542374776413,0.0,0.0,0.31105055988425795,0.0,0.1437809434469564,0.0,0.04327958136553975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043414438280908615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03166870637399985,0.03194322322344029,0.0,0.1248205984034038,0.04581599570933087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116768305568576,0.03276422903874783,0.04584008430483213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959860036204939,0.33854160936684685,0.0,0.0,0.04072445977896825,0.048566149705183054,0.04125866582906676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330722975175825,0.04825938240422342,0.0,0.08618317875885685,0.4413095393409019,0.05519621427986336,0.0,0.0,0.046251724042979364,0.0,0.0735800519561377,0.0,0.0,0.21565263312157007,0.0,0.13731651079610008,0.0,0.04494176376964762,0.0,0.0,0.035636164378678045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033165035839157773,0.0852143072889247,0.04822445612717748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925203394168299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02862039214487669,0.02760388051012536,0.0,0.0,0.0502405088058592,0.0,0.0,0.04116472054354027,0.0,0.0,0.04685859458225422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032772773263862,0.23936391003354954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062483299649401,0.0,0.03060274719903716,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lowkeysmiling,2019/10/31,"DAE get so bored when alone then gets very impulsive? I just realized that my impulsivity shows up when I am alone and I get so bored. I feel anxious and really sad being alone so usually when family is busy and no one is around, I would invite and treat a lot of friends even strangers in our house, or I would go to the mall and start buying stuff that I don't really plan on buying. What weird though is during the moment I'm supposed to be enjoying it, I really feel so down and guilty like there's something saying inside me that I am not allowed to be happy. After doing those stuff, I go back to being aware of myself. I feel like I have lost myself and I didn't really plan on doing those yet I did and I feel so regretful and guilty. 

Inb4: I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder type 2, BPD and panic disorder.",3.227145505097312,4.69310807228916,4.886385542168675,82.77302594995369,73.69879518072291,8.481186283595923,22.407784986098246,9.057496981413335,1.5812202038924936,644,16,130,14,13,218,99,166,0.23199999999999998,0.662,0.106,-0.9648,1,3,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,3,15,13,0,1,3,0,18,2,0,1,0,25,30,21,0,3,3,0,4,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,9,12,0,0,5,2,2,2,4,7,0,1,4,5,21,6,14,20,1,18,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,2,12,95,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150642066501831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091407660806727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891979911370228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271933401556127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824680180381665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355869064773261,0.0,0.0,0.30620209709056445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823224655359896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593292548612992,0.0,0.2701802390462351,0.0954338147241034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320815775484916,0.0,0.20937940381818845,0.0,0.15183992444374467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220470596939852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541402270488615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052667493220949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582482235082966,0.11356998017996575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052128305792646,0.0,0.0,0.15673430556784698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423142683949735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623289288230428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284097494450913,0.0,0.0,0.0945528084607008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30584785823998606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312474974776014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712602846254336,0.11022238208500072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897912230936549,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Steponmee19,2019/10/31,"Therapist suggested possible borderline diagnosis, but... Btw, I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything, I'm just curious about others experience with this disorder. A little background... I (21F) am diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1. I've been diagnosed by several professionals since I was 18 after being hospitalized twice.

I was on medications for three years, trying over 10 medications to cope with my symptoms. I recently went off my meds in June (under my psychiatrists supervision and with permission) and I've been completely stable since then. No depression or mania. I brought up to my tdoc that I don't believe I have bipolar disorder. My intense moods don't match bipolar, and they aren't cyclical. I've been doing great off medication, and I only struggle with overreacting, anxiety, and impulsiveness, all of which I'm coping with well and managing, which is why I'm questioning whether I have a mental illness at all.

I've done TONS of therapy the past two years, including DBT, which has changed my life. I've worked hard in learning coping skills, and challenging my thoughts. I've always struggled with thinking in terms of all or nothing, so DBT has helped me rewire how I think.

My therapist mentioned she thinks I might have bpd, and that I'm possibly in recovery from it, and agrees that I might not have bipolar. She went through all of the diagnostic criteria, and all of the symptoms fit really well except for one, I don't struggle to keep or maintain relationships. I do great socially and I'm very good at communicating.

I have a lot of people in my life with bpd. My dad, my sister in law, and my ex best friend. They have all burned so many bridges with people, and I don't relate to that at all. I guess my question is, is it possible to have bpd and not struggle with relationships? That seems to be something everyone I know with bpd has in common. 

I'm not particularly worried about changing my diagnosis or anything. I think the only thing a diagnosis serves is to provide a course of treatment, as well as relief. I've worked hard in changing how I react to life's obstacles. At the same time, if I truly have bipolar disorder, than I'm just in a normal period, and being off meds I will eventually slip into depression or mania. If I'm not, and I have borderline, than I am in recovery and won't need medication, and the skills I've learned will continue to be useful in helping me cope with life.

I guess I just wanted to put my thoughts out there, and get some input on others experience with relationships and having bpd.

Thank you :)",6.515872983870968,7.510461685416669,7.386626344086026,69.68262096774195,65.47916666666666,11.11021505376344,35.483870967741936,11.01025909683832,4.267903225806451,2059,96,355,59,31,689,218,480,0.08800000000000001,0.797,0.115,0.9215,0,0,1,0,0,0,68.0,0,1,2,6,13,18,0,4,13,0,41,18,0,4,7,89,70,37,0,5,19,3,2,0,1,5,18,0,0,0,14,35,0,1,12,0,0,4,12,6,3,4,11,2,48,11,69,50,13,43,0,2,0,0,20,27,0,17,12,249,62,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052703439168043084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845445324828942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424582772038736,0.0,0.05921377123135056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713617926065335,0.0664707728371018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988686665881195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201014000412974,0.0,0.0664101361030275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910823242595627,0.12857627726316115,0.0,0.0,0.29036967327417873,0.0,0.0,0.06481817792810103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060523493083401124,0.0,0.1239161373702794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048935848792769285,0.0,0.03309221243894564,0.0,0.0,0.053126067831560764,0.0,0.13966378275497504,0.13955093866721824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134792888605225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491010415915644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562989522767749,0.0,0.0,0.034809667438017285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895391243027758,0.0,0.06348269981200752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053848876856088315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421619102489784,0.0,0.0,0.14071154733727026,0.25523105166094284,0.06383119866525244,0.13438614802147322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046965348587282206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062059145349190874,0.06077584453119767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042920403935240575,0.0963449071644824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060464606353026064,0.08782310350047041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421690614855865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367357255758457,0.14190920567828674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040576829492426456,0.0,0.06253999761227612,0.2040083739120574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057661793781071224,0.0,0.07155547191467815,0.0,0.10478998131473156,0.0,0.0,0.06456652261410717,0.0,0.04876175012773173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648642947251915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166773855944214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058314392292068626,0.07243410248071812,0.1470838069044796,0.042079870412153116,0.16234127175599378,0.0,0.10056878718596084,0.036933702537853566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04300328212666963,0.0,0.06187337185753875,0.0,0.0,0.05470488879045293,0.0,0.05226162292425002,0.037359208096843226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084913135028806,0.117432481879679,0.05715393971988024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222364775979043,0.06432421617240819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157696965552455
bpd,madampotus,2019/10/31,"Consistently think if not for my parents I’d just off myself already People don’t care about helping you get to a place if wellbeing, they just want to prevent you from suicide and ultimately the guilt that they could have but did not do something to help. I never get to that point because I love my parents and it would destroy them. However, I am in a compulsive spiral headed straight for the ground.",8.074870129870131,7.4797473636363625,7.701915584415584,74.13001623376627,62.376623376623364,10.297402597402598,38.730519480519476,9.516144504307137,3.6636,325,15,58,5,4,103,57,77,0.10400000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.203,0.7615,3,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,3,0,3,4,1,1,4,0,7,2,1,0,1,15,13,5,1,5,7,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,11,2,10,10,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,2,1,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25271499712344386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960058472334025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348797108545866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828435114677484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392934850302093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350273230652217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30699722443776845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668782232701072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662437075105086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085705016740996,0.0,0.0,0.15876466813430382,0.0,0.2392636471963873,0.0,0.2164857034249595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630083128719554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504965659787411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673848399529132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350743036591491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626800524814135,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,day-lilyy,2019/10/31,"my boyfriend and i almost broke up and now i feel like i can’t do anything right in this relationship so today, my boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me very briefly. like maybe 15 minutes. i called him (extremely emotional and feeling like i was going to die) and we talked it out. 

basically i have been pushing him away every time i feel like something is wrong. for example, i will start to feel like our relationship is “bad” or “unhealthy” because of a certain trigger that causes me to split. then i start to tell him all of these things that are wrong with our relationship, that he deserves better, that he should find somebody else. by the end i’m basically saying “then break up with me!” because i feel like such a burden to him and my emotions are so out of control. 

this has happened several times during our relationship. but it wears him down (how could it not?) and today he reached his breaking point and said “fine then we’re broken up i’m not your boyfriend anymore” and hung up the phone. i became hysterical and called him, he was very frustrated and upset obviously, but we talked about it and he’s coming over soon. now i’m terrified that any wrong move or bpd behavior i exhibit will make him leave. 

i feel awful about it. i’ve put this person through hell and he has every right to be hurt and upset. i want to be better and try to avoid this/cope with it better. has anybody else experienced this, and how should i cope with this? tia <3",4.437256874580818,5.862067380281694,4.849778672032193,84.37946009389674,70.61971830985915,7.803890006706908,27.96042924211939,8.269060116576782,1.7801598256203892,1152,41,229,17,21,365,148,284,0.192,0.6990000000000001,0.109,-0.9867,0,1,1,0,0,0,31.0,5,1,0,4,11,24,2,3,4,1,20,1,1,6,3,53,37,26,1,4,6,0,6,6,0,4,0,2,0,1,18,25,0,2,7,0,0,5,3,13,0,0,4,9,35,11,33,26,1,35,1,3,0,0,33,14,1,3,20,143,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939662328908647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060710473277193824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853741179845373,0.0,0.0,0.07346621672889063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387737034251316,0.0,0.07454140172751743,0.10884316123535027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368710550494253,0.0,0.0,0.11243950015735944,0.0,0.18232075009232465,0.0,0.0,0.09171063916674613,0.0,0.07690302932114439,0.0,0.0,0.10013018306825494,0.07127930674130765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265398393181447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915662595880147,0.2008460805228025,0.07907168825987444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043709648044762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708425720880368,0.31889255280467443,0.0,0.0,0.08159628625958175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050737384084998935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894612329659531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557138235994732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452997607237852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616933088040461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595921600512295,0.0,0.08968934539774194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488584035037764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795201538973492,0.0,0.0,0.08439430382662115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974664183137186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38339436030079416,0.0,0.1524817589740457,0.08492154494300433,0.07099554492503665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085602316712568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872872289090858,0.0,0.0,0.12637946644825399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435127003478189,0.07803081437655167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059310745518082325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041146472556876,0.0,0.16924567099055288,0.0,0.0,0.06061227607584485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732344882540085,0.05265706530191693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928265803900679,0.0,0.057490563064777886
bpd,jaxon12345,2019/10/31,DAE have little or no friends by their own doing i just dont socialize outside of work or close knit friends. i dont go out or party or anything. everyone says im weird for that. i just dont feel normal and i need better coping strategies.,1.4680000000000002,3.583901800000003,3.1780000000000013,90.089,81.0,5.6000000000000005,24.0,6.742157984588678,0.8361999999999998,190,7,39,2,5,63,37,50,0.071,0.7070000000000001,0.221,0.8249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,8,5,0,2,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,4,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,0,24,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945376702053674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821185952920203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7240064983212989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676440046564986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411881849316457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31818497110596217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702849615488466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224278236615068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063849049696744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268630719483806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175687003420992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375503006529835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099084581058469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149911462770373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,isavampire,2019/10/31,Does anyone else ever feel insane when they’re in a bad spot? I’m having a fucking rough time rn. Basically got told by the guy I’ve been crushing on for a long time that he can’t do long distance. I feel so god damn sad and I want to take it all out on myself. I keep revisiting old memories in my head and it’s so invasive. I feel like I’m going insane.,-0.5263009845288309,1.445185962025317,2.6206751054852333,91.90783403656825,88.11392405063292,5.536427566807316,17.638537271448666,6.937597516519254,0.03112545710267245,277,7,65,4,9,99,60,79,0.218,0.6990000000000001,0.083,-0.8987,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,2,10,16,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,4,6,1,8,13,1,13,0,1,0,1,3,5,2,0,8,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782188773060127,0.2312668725474927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884586701202235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975206019926123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855199068143091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416788584971987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423777240883939,0.1612474813191674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866553258528492,0.0,0.0,0.12827636331539574,0.0,0.18052114358742835,0.0,0.0,0.2234886802123815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316438822064899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062168278919704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027065007634387,0.0,0.0,0.3994930204196573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368449882064097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169706053396542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632269786603669,0.0,0.0,0.21567586144371914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312978115851076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChiefJimHopperDance,2019/10/31,"I pushed my friend away I was drunk and stressed out and called him. I said very angrily “don’t text me anymore only face to face talking” “ I want to die, I want to f-ing die”. Idk why I did it just scared and angry about us potentially fighting again. I got into 1 fight with him and it ripped me to shreds, crying. So I was scared of it happening again. He hasn’t blocked me on anything social media and will talk to me face to face. How, would I even have a similar friendship with him again? Has anyone done this in a similar way?",0.4418601398601396,2.7252321090909097,1.9772727272727264,95.95744755244759,87.0,5.202797202797203,19.37062937062937,6.67199483983844,0.06958741258741298,412,12,93,5,13,133,72,110,0.298,0.631,0.07,-0.9802,0,0,0,0,3,1,12.0,1,0,0,0,9,6,2,3,2,0,10,5,4,1,0,15,15,7,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,9,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,1,18,1,15,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,3,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841967121748832,0.12986846838508725,0.0,0.15284200545859405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745017787298342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965362803191432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401840775641586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38552198135167853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006881179505355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267455123607912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349645317925025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854723109662818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642426185134968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125792032885054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667412061830978,0.0,0.3719012271848993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933087333331855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275592810875305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985694637153277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341330458585554,0.0,0.0,0.15324874732998134,0.2190996575203843,0.14742579734543634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759467419793309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319390247386317,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,plumplvr,2019/10/31,"Anger and verbal abuse 33M here. I have extreme anger when I get angry about anything at all. It scares my loved ones, but it scares me too. Any little thing and I treat it like it's the worst thing. 

I'm so black and white on things and it makes any grey answer to what I perceive as a straight question set me off. It always makes me paranoid, and not trust that person. Everyone has an ulterior motive and compliments/validation seem disingenuous. 

Sometimes I will watch something on TV and a character's actions will be so frustrating to me that I have a physical response to it. I can think about something someone said years ago and it will make my blood boil.

Sometimes I will make up scenarios and get angry about it. I overthink everything. It makes me come to unreasonable conclusions. I dwell on those conclusions and it gives me anxiety. I will call my wife, and if she doesn't answer, I will hang up and instantly dial back. Before I know it, I've called 30 times just thinking the worst happened, being angry at her, and being angry at myself because I know she's probably in the shower and I'm overreacting, but I can't stop myself.

I've shattered knuckles, broken fingers, and broken 3 metacarpals in my hands punching things. I've cut my knuckle to the bone punching something. I've never physically taken my anger out on anyone else. I am verbally ugly though, and I hate myself as I say whatever I say.

I don't really know the point of posting this. I didn't have a goal in mind or anything. Not looking for answers or validation on this. I don't know for sure if it violates page rules and will be deleted. This is a part of my BPD. I don't have substance abuse. I don't have a healthy outlet for anything, I've become a bit of a recluse. I just needed to put it in writing somewhere.",2.9466024653312783,5.176390460451977,4.16030303030303,84.34173343605549,76.59887005649718,6.889779147406268,27.11145351823318,7.898369717300924,1.7975265536723173,1429,58,271,23,33,467,181,354,0.255,0.7020000000000001,0.043,-0.998,1,0,3,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,0,4,12,17,7,3,14,0,27,6,4,6,3,56,52,29,0,3,10,1,2,1,0,7,0,3,1,1,25,19,1,1,15,1,0,4,10,12,0,1,3,10,44,5,33,38,6,32,0,0,5,1,14,19,0,6,8,183,69,2,0.0,0.2455416604047229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185143718526384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621878843471288,0.0,0.0,0.14092809602558792,0.0,0.07926777301977486,0.0,0.0,0.07245237682853156,0.10616926992008098,0.25580728052967777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967613415392584,0.0,0.06316479945835879,0.11443835395980965,0.08817160500493004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312442823471028,0.0,0.13050371558541318,0.0,0.21161189156896645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925805479513622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655985603175602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901179748155182,0.09312551381752142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827264816676546,0.09940018680860678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162938653098854,0.0,0.0,0.10230169282527808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277837954940096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062270390591261,0.10385283296037122,0.0,0.0,0.08701333778275984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351962868668236,0.0,0.3458303485679918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462502015586396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683171188692996,0.07991687842897452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021449235268812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220860224938048,0.0,0.0,0.0904755680298697,0.0,0.0,0.09795285649797897,0.0,0.09923776018607346,0.0,0.11171813334202506,0.0,0.0,0.10416508614780337,0.11607629382878334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638058412476909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856480269661122,0.16480298097664528,0.20748013886708586,0.0,0.0,0.09433027668127447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877955126181629,0.2393114615099988,0.2049624441613206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662960096221672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976590918696294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27535777563643016,0.13278894114598222,0.10180452703098916,0.0,0.0604207075570255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667268360367214
bpd,TheTofuScrambler,2019/10/31,"I wish girls wouldn't try to be homewreckers.. So I'm going to start this off by saying that I know my husband (boyfriend at the time) is to blame too. This is something we have worked through.
  
There's been a few girls throughout my relationship that have flirted with my husband (boyfriend at the time). It started off with this girl he went on dates with for 1-2 months adding him back on Facebook after we had been dating for 3 months. He actually met up with her to lend her luggage after she posted a status about needing to borrow luggage and nobody answered for a couple days. When he met up with her to give her the luggage she gave him cookies and chatted him up for awhile and then messaged him afterwards about how good it was to chat again. He was pretty oblivious to her advances and was honestly shocked when I found out about it much later and told him that she obviously wanted him back. We were ""Facebook official"" and had pictures of us together on Facebook so I don't have any doubt that she knew we were together. Later on there were two girls from another country that he knew when he lived in that country that started messaging him and being flirty. Once again I don't doubt that they knew he had a girlfriend. One of them talked about what they would do on a date together in her country. Some of it was pretty heavy flirting (he flirted back, that is something we have hashed out since). There have been multiple other girls from that country that randomly messaged him throughout our relationship. There was another girl from that country that has been randomly messaging him throughout our relationship but has never flirted with. He used me as a scapegoat to get her to stop talking to him by saying I am a jealous person (which is true, but I didn't really care about them talking) and she warned him against dating me. That was pretty laughable because we were already together for multiple years and engaged. There was one girl (from that country!!!) that messaged him recently after we got married. Honestly at this point I might insist that he deletes every girl from that country because it's getting ridiculous. I think any girl would be upset but I have cried a lot because of these girls. I will randomly check his Facebook Messenger now even though he hasn't acknowledged any of them in a long time. I don't understand why some girls (and specifically girls from that country???? what is going on????) don't respect when a guy has a girlfriend. What is the appeal of trying to ""steal"" a guy? Anyways, thank you for those of you that have read my messy, possibly confusing post. I just needed to vent.",6.128203991130822,7.311608317073173,5.742025129342202,80.4498337028825,66.4390243902439,8.565262379896527,33.405025868440504,8.754623652393294,2.7828813008130084,2100,91,375,32,33,647,209,492,0.08800000000000001,0.841,0.071,-0.8891,0,0,2,0,0,0,58.0,10,2,5,2,28,20,2,4,16,0,50,0,0,2,3,61,79,23,0,7,4,2,0,0,2,5,0,2,0,15,36,25,0,1,9,3,2,4,8,8,0,3,29,2,61,12,70,42,5,61,0,0,0,0,92,20,0,10,35,279,97,2,0.0,0.0,0.09278201810840256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492049089797673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396807588666184,0.19939429771816952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932640646927468,0.0,0.17387525923120625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693794521063788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520155102555008,0.10443827416630844,0.06131718352984986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279785513530252,0.0,0.08010697487910523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424767601725923,0.0,0.0,0.09934823894045858,0.09120709317627007,0.10806957718322564,0.07974657618668833,0.0760422386319097,0.0,0.0,0.18828353526366634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225215999762007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395525873643478,0.08414068010770549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083157169446183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008623038468453,0.0,0.0,0.15178005928366126,0.0,0.06989297246720652,0.14099766469164804,0.07332970300410939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125453621967326,0.12885407868834345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301808908433328,0.0,0.0,0.08987905955041335,0.1071857032647672,0.18211610924481345,0.2901842869346465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510332485627708,0.0,0.060909142283813264,0.0,0.09387765531820212,0.30623326733839945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121904016746218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864916950951557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639075618720335,0.0,0.0,0.20188923438815795,0.0,0.0,0.07948912713813784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292593093836295,0.0,0.08753467586654742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060921884136897635,0.09341325485192696,0.0,0.16632153160458527,0.0,0.0,0.09085071696935633,0.0,0.12910289258618235,0.0,0.09287699549698733,0.09897913001599966,0.1143666408013362,0.08211651567256609,0.0,0.0,0.05607922920655816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813788357818499,0.08579274157258704,0.0,0.10933454261252648,0.0,0.0,0.06921762189899283,0.0,0.0,0.1350807918797243,0.0,0.0,0.06122685426615294
bpd,Pengwin8r,2019/10/31,Anyone interested in being BPD buddies? None of my current friends have BPD or any intense mental issues so I’m finding it hard to reach out to them when I’m in a crappy or emotional mood because they just don’t understand and more often than not they usually end up making me feel worse. I’m looking for people who I can relate to more. If anyone is interested in being BPD buddies let me know.,5.3696202531645545,5.920415835443041,6.8530126582278506,74.071417721519,67.86075949367088,8.851645569620256,32.255696202531645,8.841846274778883,2.8077726582278486,317,13,56,5,5,109,60,79,0.096,0.757,0.14800000000000002,0.34,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,15,6,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,11,12,3,9,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,4,4,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410403727670638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255211919504865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112483152420158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.689544744043947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052842624885758,0.16163793852389394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922758321810006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679870877244465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099652407320504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634812277538039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047917627421956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029543236674936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661527516286627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325129367818294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181798713098553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391378429624025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265202569523768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998553630494008,0.0,0.0,0.20099436968139653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597976319361995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pastfuturewriter,2019/10/31,"Will it ever end? I found a med that works really well for me, helps regulate my emotions enough so that I have time to think about/work my skills in real time.  Most of the time.  But I had to restart it, because I got a rash w/ unknown origin, so I had to stop.  Now I have to titrate back up.

Meanwhile, I got to leave my house by myself for the first time in over a year today.  My hands have been messed up so I couldn't drive.  Driving is one of the big loves of my life.  The freedom to get in my truck and go do what I need to do, and what I want to do.

So, I had planned to do some things for myself, fill my truck up, wash it, blah blah, and everything went wrong.  Car wash broken, people being dicks at the gas station, someone totally fucked up my gps system in my truck so it took me 2.5 hours instead of 1 (I have 0 idea where I am ever since I left my hometown on a coast, and absolutely need the gps).  

I feel like if I stay in my house, I will be more safe from all the bullshit that melts me down.  I feel like I never want to go outside again.  Not only do I have the whole 'danger everywhere' thing going on, but also the whole ""why do I even try?"" thing going on.

Just a vent, I guess.  It's so hard to live like this, and I'm so so so tired of this constant battle.  I'm in my 50s and this has been my whole life and I am tiiiiiiiiiiiired.",2.056406480117822,2.734435494845364,3.844526264113892,92.18030927835052,75.49484536082474,6.50505645557192,21.417280314187533,6.42735559955562,0.04493834069710402,1023,22,253,7,21,346,153,291,0.114,0.8170000000000001,0.069,-0.9173,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,4,20,11,3,0,14,0,25,10,3,1,5,34,47,20,0,6,5,0,4,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,16,7,0,2,5,0,0,10,3,5,1,2,10,4,41,6,37,32,9,49,0,0,0,3,2,19,2,4,21,176,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655009482865325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832208460317321,0.0,0.06597493849530983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695629271029792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174221750931945,0.09585810831762616,0.11182871659284847,0.0,0.07148374038677575,0.19579730206019091,0.0,0.0,0.09726857520549057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944691323191913,0.15463657114778973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920588967201192,0.0,0.11866669319018246,0.0,0.10005527593899928,0.056544795240233925,0.0,0.2460344412219107,0.0,0.1731200415390269,0.0,0.11922562244937213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695125649976104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254311663755607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658302829143176,0.2497617459355067,0.0,0.12217652405772353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459809300931525,0.11759031356471372,0.0,0.1528896315783956,0.1586245727983656,0.0,0.09556753023951793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768022385277428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021719077867635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049975650033596,0.08347230077987716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733382652073786,0.08231246336439536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503184342778553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318744610300787,0.06933379021968596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952752928806931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170144755966582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535691747918173,0.0,0.09048366565500347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570612668289035,0.06934829446216312,0.0,0.0,0.2524350587099249,0.12439245581343578,0.10258772905405716,0.0,0.1202455713256846,0.07347987950327625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767165544284748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731019714479656,0.10032867483082217,0.09765916451176596,0.3624989382888615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575829143640949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833060470838352,0.0,0.06969544653445027
bpd,Sobriety19,2019/10/31,"We have a troublemaking shapeshifter that requires nurturance and needs to learn about positive identities. Since I was young, I've jumped from one self-destructive thing to the next: cutting, alcohol, sex. My internal shapeshifter tends to quickly grow out of control and molds into whichever identity it sees fit. This means that whenever I'm overwhelmed with negative emotions, it'll turn towards the most pleasurable, yet self-destructive activity available. Deep down, I'll know it isn't good for me, but the shapeshifter within me doesn't. For so long, I've thought of the shapeshifter as an extreme pest... a heavy weight. 

What I've come to learn is that it's not its fault. It doesn't know any better because it hasn't been shown other things it can be. Instead of looking like knives being dragged across my arms, it can look like paint covering a blank canvas. Instead of looking like alcohol burning my throat and pushing my feelings down, it can look like soothing, warm tea keeping me relaxed. Instead of it looking like rough intercourse with someone who doesn't give a shit about me, it can look like picking up the phone to call a friend.

It's easy to see the shapeshifter as an unwanted burden, but with time, it can also learn to be your friend. Maybe today I'll treat it to something healthier.",7.955839808726842,8.494846368200843,6.472041243275554,79.06733263598329,62.305439330543926,9.841123729826661,38.41034070531978,9.606745405546679,3.6594683801554098,1058,51,186,18,14,312,143,239,0.066,0.705,0.228,0.9925,0,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,1,1,0,3,10,20,2,1,13,0,18,8,3,2,0,28,38,9,0,2,3,0,4,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,24,10,4,3,8,1,0,4,7,5,0,1,3,12,11,15,31,31,1,21,0,1,8,1,8,10,1,1,13,112,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506141449670615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376663877329304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973559906035924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714759266090593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103700149550749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972772937685705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100249234560488,0.0,0.0,0.1315084482131677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189307943862427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592862965556903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117770475651573,0.0,0.0,0.1124791104884696,0.0,0.09834568388934703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421925035874573,0.0,0.0,0.12887761846054813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34370136849874805,0.0,0.0,0.10376461440470408,0.590774513529795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779571626740876,0.12772215130792658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694111035211831,0.0,0.0,0.1246991736242237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945320725037082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686983831880524,0.0,0.24463948525072804,0.0,0.12035782258604845,0.09699233161603264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993475111187126,0.09026656516642004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579446409545114,0.0,0.0,0.09308524569410948,0.06837077131639484,0.0,0.11114149039152377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275368554395424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427817390670657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GovFitzgerald,2019/10/31,"They never Understand I tried explaining my issues to my brother as well as how I can’t go to my parents or anyone else in my family to vent Becuz they would either report me or go nuts themselves and overreact. He didn’t understand. He downplayed my statements despite, then admitted that during one of my episodes he was scared for his life (he feared I would murder him) but said I don’t have any real problems yaddadadadda. It’s bullshit. I’ve spent a year looking into my issues, yes I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but I think BPD is it, I fit the majority of the criteria. I’m looking for answers and will get help once I turn 18 and can get help without involvement of family and prying eyes. But still.... they never understand. I don’t even understand myself. It’s all bullshit. But it’s okay. I’ll sleep and relive my last few sleepy, depressing days. But I’m comfortable at least.",3.4424349710982654,5.7639184566473975,4.860401011560693,79.47418533236997,75.41618497109826,8.255635838150289,27.575505780346816,9.017664075816787,2.6079367052023112,715,29,127,17,16,238,109,173,0.154,0.727,0.12,-0.6483,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,0,4,8,1,2,3,2,12,4,2,1,4,33,30,16,1,3,9,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,9,0,1,2,8,5,1,1,5,4,23,3,14,22,5,14,0,1,3,0,17,4,0,2,8,82,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653484540266132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897665411975729,0.13038338866622462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026781275191784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206617980346279,0.0,0.10960084878134133,0.12915679053595508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630163850967814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404789284388328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399212859290672,0.14319242488176653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329664862391474,0.0,0.14463902028515938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058693517505366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656333578345181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372631136522592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988093867440519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137170924847669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29443077349142405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355178515542018,0.08622837336371887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129685269941322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176174246491075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483916501510655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104456391643052,0.0,0.1274001582887068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734260745445145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162258019620646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153711585775131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639487812553419,0.13841222990308144,0.0,0.5298899012038975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144136691503632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266514205595835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807905046551758,0.0,0.0,0.08194528420504611
bpd,LilJ2014,2019/10/31,Understanding my partner with BPD I’ve noticed that my partner 29m has been having flair ups or outbursts on the weekend with no common theme except that something has not gone his way. Two weekends ago he got upset because I wouldn’t get out of the bed right away on a Saturday morning and this last weekend he got upset because he woke up and I was cleaning the house and didn’t want to lay in bed with him. He seems to struggle on the weekends and I would like to know what I can do to avoid conflict and make him feel better. I love him very much and I think to much time is spent   With him upset on the weekends when that’s the time we get quality time together.,6.611261730969758,5.477224620437958,6.599061522419188,82.60941605839416,65.56934306569343,8.996454640250262,34.16996871741397,7.447530270364453,2.2301895724713248,531,20,110,4,7,169,86,137,0.11900000000000001,0.805,0.077,-0.5994,0,1,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,5,7,0,11,1,0,1,0,26,26,8,0,3,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,2,5,12,0,2,5,5,1,1,4,5,0,1,8,1,14,3,20,16,2,25,0,0,0,1,13,10,0,2,14,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873179658551873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883797819439778,0.0,0.0,0.23206844487530304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834711756313533,0.0,0.0,0.2397363293009543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624554235825217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889768746243525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044769705966905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196357484013194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461014608092284,0.1551588226708956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299429644016252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179627720453516,0.0,0.12705860205535294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798549977707107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167121764511382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255593955251998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328544380570748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465389984867382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899279856780694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196715311627672,0.0,0.0,0.33297991352608114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594209439264486,0.1981587220587241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705682963695958,0.11227203544639693,0.15108918500924845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135217581167059,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,realityaltering,2019/10/31,"I cheated. My boyfriend hasn't slept with me in days. My hypersexuality has been through the roof. I have been trying and trying to avoid temptations. But I sexted people on an app, no pics or anything just text. But that doesnt excuse it.

I feel gross with myself because for 6 months i was trying so hard not to ruin this relationship.

I failed.",2.0192910447761183,4.712344268656717,3.1747574626865687,87.21795708955227,83.92537313432835,5.141044776119403,20.315298507462693,6.6274283507984215,0.30485223880597045,274,8,54,3,8,88,54,67,0.245,0.7120000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.9025,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,7,1,1,0,0,10,9,5,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,2,10,0,8,5,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,38,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27519602639612306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385700261996628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156707739576465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909087136968448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995712159956897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669278085898154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23184207596231934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35903783124839594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6811399144909737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amysweetpea,2019/01/02,Dual diagnosis Has anyone else been diagnosed with bipolar and bpd? I've had a look online and not seen anything. I'd love to read your experiences! ,3.4223809523809554,6.228491714285713,5.3285714285714265,73.48309523809526,78.28571428571429,8.019047619047619,27.190476190476193,8.841846274778883,2.7391047619047617,120,5,20,3,3,41,26,28,0.0,0.8420000000000001,0.158,0.6696,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329789302971321,0.3413994684390712,0.2741925532733905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196496704151944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381877099938725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783431482541883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259303786091792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798013708534024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007230957346337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332869399271756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,460000s,2019/01/02,"I am sick of myself. I am sick of my outbursts of anger, most the time I’m unaware of why I’m so angry so quickly. 
I say such hurtful things and Immediately feel like killing myself after I hurt someone’s feelings. 
Most days, I go through so many feelings in one day—I can barely control myself anymore. 
I just want it to end.
I don’t think I’ll ever find someone who will love me with my moods changing so rapidly. 
",3.6456201550387632,4.4920750348837215,4.95581395348837,85.06108527131785,71.90697674418605,6.198449612403103,31.77519379844961,5.46131890053228,1.4992077519379845,327,15,66,1,6,109,61,86,0.282,0.636,0.08199999999999999,-0.9663,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,2,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,13,14,5,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,4,13,2,9,13,2,8,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,2,7,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913188374853966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124114977142272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252054986637408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589886843060944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784226932462774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816280184178283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30457967137081104,0.1434459703835266,0.0,0.0,0.1835204108602525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114114820662687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299043537688017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221467924883531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809691460367133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812227779475255,0.0,0.0,0.20357175050113205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360619747428643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967799726130608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402611176161833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339739937769735,0.1286595185049759,0.0,0.0,0.11708353233227155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843242752691027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118370727253366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eatmyclit420,2019/01/02,"Does anyone else get an extremely increased sex drive when they have a new favorite person? I recently started dating this guy and it’s going very well, and he really reassures me in a way that calms a lot of my bpd tendencies (at least for now). However, I’ve been in a near constant state of sexual arousal which is new. Is this also a bpd thing or am I just... really 17?",3.0948,4.646035480000002,5.0183333333333335,81.34750000000003,74.2,9.266666666666666,25.833333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.479533333333334,291,10,58,8,6,100,61,75,0.0,0.8220000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.905,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,6,0,5,2,1,0,0,5,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,3,7,7,3,17,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,8,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452651237701138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385496418572832,0.2108002137476284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182330284643221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232686143516286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180040421098583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186551407194792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074882468051096,0.0,0.1169241599879413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371037598249456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490886643992526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974010320665935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964020185870447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635987104880165,0.0,0.20313887174941286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456205638177081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668144747751582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975323827868974,0.0,0.16330317174677242,0.0,0.0,0.18498081817990672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Berry_Seinfeld,2019/01/02,"Just a regular night of hitting myself in the head I've just recently began to question if i do indeed have BPD - the girl I've been seeing has been very non committal and we sort have had a ""talk"" last night in her car that felt final (in a shitty way)

I walked out of the car, whispered FUCK to myself, walked in my apt, and collapsed on my rug - sobbing like a kid whose puppy died and banging myself in the head when I felt like it was too much.

This has been something I've done periodically throughout my adult life (no cutting ever) - and I feel it has a lot to do with abandonment issues (I felt like I was literally lost in space when she made it sound like it was over) - and my inability to deal with real life emotional problems.

I'm an only child and I've had some success in the music industry so my narcissism has been validated for better or worse, but sometimes I still feel like I'm living in my own world.

No real questions here, just wanted to share with some like minded people. ",5.3703098827470654,5.520784552763819,6.2945854271356785,79.47025335008375,67.79396984924621,8.844388609715244,28.643634840871023,8.59863814320734,1.9845675041876043,782,24,155,11,12,260,116,199,0.11699999999999999,0.77,0.113,0.0344,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,3,10,15,2,0,11,0,18,5,2,1,2,37,32,12,1,3,6,0,5,6,0,0,2,2,1,4,7,11,0,1,7,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,16,8,19,9,22,15,5,29,0,3,1,1,13,13,2,8,17,103,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104752499116924,0.0,0.0,0.1573233404635042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877964598523067,0.0,0.0,0.12963979952778915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782919703412932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051012438968533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299080890134187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263193632160251,0.08923775289992178,0.35980772606946043,0.13683590293093018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547990134939727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25639320815442884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130376544346281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018206308411706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645925620936734,0.3661566038659162,0.0,0.11030032010499348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635711305514495,0.10619642374611166,0.0,0.11819554291141915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612635274900755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918253049570645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234444464006998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500183833325727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659883045434491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952471139597208,0.0,0.0,0.2798619213537333,0.0,0.0,0.2843563018532379,0.0,0.0,0.12333635305456102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953935543325572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616400158179228,0.1235419859134937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997555498416586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040020360308848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030661692082378,0.07367682532125015,0.09914999267267396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729684849443354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mr_whippy95,2019/01/02,"A friend of mine has severe BPD and I'd like to be more of use. What's great resources to understand BPD more and what I can do in a situation where her symptoms show. I apologise if this is a common question.

A friend of mine has quite severe BPD. I want to learn more about it, understand it and get an idea of what I can do in a situation which won't trigger her or make it worse. The best way to be supportive really.

Books, online resources. I want the best you've got. I appreciate it a lot",1.296634615384615,3.234095394230774,3.4429230769230803,88.90207692307693,80.63461538461539,7.236923076923077,21.93846153846154,8.238735603445708,1.113399230769231,387,12,87,8,10,132,61,104,0.073,0.647,0.28,0.971,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,9,0,10,1,0,3,0,16,19,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,10,7,11,15,6,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,2,61,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987943158795289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378891440801251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997267126489886,0.0,0.07437678662821091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385762682409838,0.15695147897440714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070616618577727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695494958459672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102866894993534,0.0,0.0,0.09502584625207933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947484216696148,0.1514164924095464,0.0,0.0,0.09119892466469537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216506648806297,0.0,0.0,0.3200353260125956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154749031133106,0.0,0.14796567794798532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29640181697666523,0.0,0.12295260852063965,0.0,0.0,0.1679342446108369,0.11299807673616645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507614843637315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexandralouise7,2019/01/02,"Help Yesterday, out of the blue, I receive a random Facebook message of a girl who clams my bf has been “a naughty boy with an ex”. This profile was created recently (as it says so on Facebook messenger) and had no profile pictures, no friends, nothing on the timeline etc.... I’m aware of an ex who has tried to split us up before and has made fake profiles in the past (2 yrs ago) do you think this could be her causing trouble again? I’m THEEEE most insecure person in the world as it is. This has absolutely floored me. We have just been on holiday for 2 weeks and it’s been amazing. Absolutely nothing different in his behaviour.... I’ve been cheated on before (not this bf) and I’m hurting badly. Why would a random person text me out of the blue... when I replied, the person had deactivated the account. Help me please, I’m absolutely beside my side. On one hand I do believe his word but I have so many doubts about myself and the relationship. What do I do?? 
",3.1667261904761896,5.027194783068783,4.5629067460317465,83.38816964285716,74.71428571428571,7.476322751322753,30.33101851851852,8.278499904357787,2.2722193121693115,750,35,148,13,16,249,114,189,0.1,0.82,0.08,-0.5725,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,0,0,6,9,1,2,14,0,21,1,1,2,0,22,27,11,0,2,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,10,9,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,7,0,1,8,4,17,2,21,16,2,22,0,1,2,0,24,14,0,4,7,100,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919637869756205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053155495136727,0.0,0.0,0.2864382871691833,0.1896273765284634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290040741115853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438158634081074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758477957781399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770978712898748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300356435260964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256288653122379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801789966465979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925869155188035,0.0,0.1706396012477293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229953602285946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405099704623245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067063699995748,0.0,0.44088456939769455,0.0,0.18475348941447867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618550686780975,0.1807016113327447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384661532668682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784604877822597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427122657576193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245582514728253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350078753676496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187330995318304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956236971698485,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rubydog13,2019/01/02,"Better to feel something bad than nothing at all Constantly engaging in self destructive behaviour just to feel something. Sleeping with people I shouldn’t, abusing drugs and hurting myself because shame, guilt, disgust and pain are better than feeling numb and empty all the time. ",13.82478260869565,12.567693217391305,10.823478260869567,58.429130434782635,51.60869565217392,12.678260869565218,51.26086956521739,11.20814326018867,6.328208695652172,232,13,28,4,2,68,38,46,0.429,0.4320000000000001,0.14,-0.9643,0,0,3,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,11,2,2,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,11,5,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,3,2,3,7,4,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,18,2,0,0.0,0.2725742939868445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208401675443887,0.1402377143561224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069250345204167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486047511878135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667875694851804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34896398477283125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462756882085319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074133530802348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447918104402637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948926162298907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23999466589966564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302183877396471,0.0,0.0,0.3542109177808762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134145315115944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hollafoo,2019/01/02,Difference Between Idols and FP What is the difference(if any) between idolizing someone and considering someone a favorite person?,10.836315789473677,15.435453947368426,9.230789473684217,45.80302631578948,62.15789473684211,12.221052631578946,56.868421052631575,11.20814326018867,9.38182105263158,111,9,9,4,2,34,16,19,0.0,0.85,0.15,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985570123614624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586952999482224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833460614950708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7439812694627636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DestiNofi,2019/01/02,"DAE have to do something contrary to a neurotypical mindset to be productive? For example, in order for me to start and FINISH a task I have to go against typical advice. I do best when I let NO ONE know what I'm doing, I don't map out my goal in any detail beyond pure basics, and I have zero expectations. The moment I give it 'power' the molehill becomes a mountain and I get overwhelmed immediately and quit. And if I tell someone it makes it bigger.",4.753,5.550119633333335,6.6488888888888935,74.11000000000001,69.33333333333334,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.7230000000000003,357,15,65,6,6,125,63,90,0.036000000000000004,0.899,0.066,0.3542,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,1,1,11,16,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,10,1,12,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,4,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918106629352742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307368777787574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32980532934509943,0.0,0.0,0.31338611794718124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601804444097034,0.28646612095530616,0.16971417184147972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641152356113974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30536196045347563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933298244931652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235448146440455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176220177397132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530220590574389,0.2298943569422563,0.0,0.0,0.21136669610421396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610094169980694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,7lebshake,2019/01/02,"I’m tired of living with this illness I’m tired of having emotions 100x more intense than the normal person, I’m tired of these constant mood swings, I’m tired of overthinking things and coming up with all sort of assumptions, I’m tired of everything, I feel like I’m in a never ending rollercoaster, I’m 18 and I should be focusing on my studies, having purposes and goals, getting closer to people and experiencing it all but I just can’t  ",2.8449870801033614,5.442701069767447,4.327364341085271,81.05704134366927,79.0,7.078036175710594,24.671834625323,8.167268648758528,1.8628051679586568,356,13,63,7,9,118,56,86,0.146,0.816,0.038,-0.7761,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,0,3,16,15,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,13,13,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,38,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312278628715249,0.0,0.16462597468571696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713625727477218,0.1349284775331183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691383018747924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702794073585288,0.10883209298673592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959163046391747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442587967660817,0.0,0.13451946406131335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749439518560136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926135786938996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056137303134412,0.13301785997798854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120826771533732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8754650479800027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nothingheart,2019/01/02,"Introdution and a question... should I seek friendship in others with BPD? Will it be easier? I have been visiting r/BPD since early last year and I wanted to thank all of you for sharing your lives so honestly.

I'm here because I'm tired of the loneliness and solitude of this disorder. I feel like I can no longer communicate with people. I've lost my voice. The fears of rejection, failure and abandonment have taken it from me. But I don't want to continue being alone when there's so much of the world I haven't experienced.

I haven't had a close friend I could reach out and touch in over a decade. The one or two good friends I've kept online over the years come and go - either I've driven them away by developing romantic affections, or my emptiness causes us to drift apart naturally.

I still feel anger stronger than anything, but I've been able to control it better. If my brain isn't in shutdown mode, I'm either thinking about suicide or longing for friends. I've realized that people aren't tools and I can't expect them to make the pain stop, but I still want understanding and companionship.

I've seen people here talk about suicide, and I can't help but think - if you're about to check out, then at least come be my friend first. I want to die too. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I also want to listen to new music with someone else, watch a fun movie, go hiking with them for a week, take pictures of beautiful things I haven't seen before and enjoy everything I've ever been too scared to experience. I can't be the only one.

Should I seek friendship in others with BPD? How can I find them? Have any of you had success?",4.149637791286728,5.41728228571429,4.891812310030397,84.40675595238095,71.12765957446808,8.036524822695036,26.47429078014185,8.472884824447931,1.6739938196555215,1308,42,265,21,24,422,179,329,0.2,0.652,0.14800000000000002,-0.9287,0,2,0,0,0,3,37.0,1,3,4,6,16,20,1,2,12,0,27,3,1,5,2,61,57,25,3,11,12,0,4,1,4,3,2,2,0,0,9,20,0,4,10,0,1,7,11,7,0,4,11,10,33,13,42,38,5,37,0,3,3,0,19,14,0,6,16,167,42,1,0.0997014578338334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652128385881305,0.0,0.07973121980857201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780041023567555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820458046824844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367280160618344,0.0,0.0,0.060777083300030135,0.0,0.0848385972572393,0.0,0.0,0.08817783730099453,0.0,0.0,0.37671148778016816,0.11129980019435744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242086122588716,0.0,0.17176795550689472,0.0,0.0,0.11182366274768027,0.0796035012988552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347437240135247,0.0,0.1142665084067959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832877746085279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018567662688584,0.0,0.0,0.08960524151393655,0.09752715697130514,0.0,0.11219185871829554,0.1512361583232185,0.07122674139778383,0.0,0.0,0.09112532621592127,0.08480600910094535,0.0,0.0,0.3081163960090408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332527221592988,0.08362485252739198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682778556948532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479331380709556,0.08126999511088798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870909618245076,0.0,0.08803821388265856,0.08823265276103301,0.0,0.0,0.10883591880915344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655149729859182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329204330463597,0.0,0.0,0.096292289255024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512057624443016,0.07582745140238638,0.10608938061064152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736131183310733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168845052443464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998185523516134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247407620658402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447672167914738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592434260314455,0.08335488308484246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181144253375899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496308829152014,0.08013625518273551,0.0,0.09179170706008298,0.0,0.0,0.06623721839803798,0.12776933682299796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459215910305033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973938371152201,0.10379273376578116,0.11992857785738265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940325150304729,0.07913837650762831,0.07997449557507239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840894000858252
bpd,the_real_dairy_queen,2019/01/02,"Just realized I am so focused on whether people like me that I never even consider whether I actually like them. I’ve lived in my city for 6 years now, trying to make friends as a 41 year old mom. I joined a moms group 3 years ago and I’m always planning events and play dates, trying to find someone I click with, inevitably being disappointed after each one and beating myself up over all the things I did and said “wrong”. 

Somehow I realized that the only person I really like has been getting lost in the shuffle while I court all these other moms. And also, a light came on and I realized that most of them are uptight, unreliable, fake and/or judgmental and I don’t even enjoy their company! 

My husband always tells me I’m “obsessed with people liking me” and “obsessed with having friends”. I’m convinced these are BPD qualities, and along with my low self-esteem have been leading to my poor judgement and poor experiences in friendships (my last “best friend” ended up bullying me). 

It’s such a revelation to realize that, I don’t like these people or need them to like me, and I can choose people I like and spend time with them instead!!

",9.069726027397262,7.25358759360731,8.684333333333335,71.80650000000003,61.19178082191781,11.49972602739726,37.88173515981735,10.125756701596842,3.706223378995433,909,35,166,15,10,292,132,219,0.135,0.6729999999999999,0.192,0.9279,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,5,5,9,22,0,3,7,0,13,0,0,2,3,39,22,19,0,1,4,4,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,10,20,0,1,6,1,3,2,3,8,0,1,6,3,30,14,23,15,5,25,0,3,1,0,16,9,0,3,21,115,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.11713559614829168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640265081446602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599092292721847,0.19975534233528336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596798418628835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117826900647446,0.0,0.0,0.13728659891880585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631424847867373,0.0,0.0,0.15856228066764924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741601132680528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097086459546392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27821326413536546,0.0,0.06271266475890358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784350290531936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104968889364709,0.0,0.10599197433264017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310309853430746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012344051951026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217461281972775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900348281860349,0.09257740510373358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259551978331949,0.0,0.08133795551667948,0.09129105337670164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328650725951264,0.10480881483547623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689667499967279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417955565323296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522134887672653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017041818664778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491476242871302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974507026764223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999262771671226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299003401588869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123803017178445,0.0,0.2318933416506781
bpd,loud-places,2019/01/02,"What are some major realizations you've come to in your treatment journey? Many of us can relate to having that ""aha"" moment: whether it's in individual therapy, a treatment group, or even in a day-to-day conversation. What have been the biggest mental turning points or moments of insight that have improved your understanding of yourself, your trauma, or this disorder?

This time of year can be filled with regret or self-criticism, so we should take the time to vocalize our successes. Also, this subreddit is a fantastic way for us to learn from each other.  ",9.765,9.179161500000003,9.32,63.865000000000016,59.0,12.4,41.0,11.602472056035307,4.999500000000001,450,21,71,11,5,145,73,100,0.079,0.8190000000000001,0.102,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,4,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,15,14,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,14,11,3,14,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,5,5,55,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387723460197596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729512208944726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28044637357708085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919152794977106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360926030254653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204380447884971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911646277523447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553990627408092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226825007947086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634789298426354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24864806946690954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25356823705372816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23649942051645545,0.0,0.2263504002861485,0.5230786514405626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258436646364966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001661733301934
bpd,bedismychargingdock,2019/01/02,"Introdution and a question... should I seek friendship in others with BPD? Will it be easier? I have been visiting r/BPD since early last year and I wanted to thank all of you for sharing your lives so honestly.

I'm here because I'm tired of the loneliness and solitude of this disorder. I feel like I can no longer communicate with people. I've lost my voice. The fears of rejection, failure and abandonment have taken it from me. But I don't want to continue being alone when there's so much of the world I haven't experienced.

I haven't had a close friend I could reach out and touch in over a decade. The one or two good friends I've kept online over the years come and go - either I've driven them away by developing romantic affections, or my emptiness causes us to drift apart naturally.

I still feel anger stronger than anything, but I've been able to control it better. If my brain isn't in shutdown mode, I'm either thinking about suicide or longing for friends. I've realized that people aren't tools and I can't expect them to make the pain stop, but I still want understanding and companionship.

I've seen people here talk about suicide, and I can't help but think - if you're about to check out, then at least come be my friend first. I want to die too. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I also want to listen to new music with someone else, watch a fun movie, go hiking with them for a week, take pictures of beautiful things I haven't seen before and enjoy everything I've ever been too scared to experience. I can't be the only one.

Should I seek friendship in others with BPD? How can I find them? Have any of you had success?",4.149637791286728,5.41728228571429,4.891812310030397,84.40675595238095,71.12765957446808,8.036524822695036,26.47429078014185,8.472884824447931,1.6739938196555215,1308,42,265,21,24,422,179,329,0.2,0.652,0.14800000000000002,-0.9287,0,2,0,0,0,3,37.0,1,3,4,6,16,20,1,2,12,0,27,3,1,5,2,61,57,25,3,11,12,0,4,1,4,3,2,2,0,0,9,20,0,4,10,0,1,7,11,7,0,4,11,10,33,13,42,38,5,37,0,3,3,0,19,14,0,6,16,167,42,1,0.0997014578338334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652128385881305,0.0,0.07973121980857201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780041023567555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820458046824844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367280160618344,0.0,0.0,0.060777083300030135,0.0,0.0848385972572393,0.0,0.0,0.08817783730099453,0.0,0.0,0.37671148778016816,0.11129980019435744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242086122588716,0.0,0.17176795550689472,0.0,0.0,0.11182366274768027,0.0796035012988552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347437240135247,0.0,0.1142665084067959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832877746085279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018567662688584,0.0,0.0,0.08960524151393655,0.09752715697130514,0.0,0.11219185871829554,0.1512361583232185,0.07122674139778383,0.0,0.0,0.09112532621592127,0.08480600910094535,0.0,0.0,0.3081163960090408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332527221592988,0.08362485252739198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682778556948532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479331380709556,0.08126999511088798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870909618245076,0.0,0.08803821388265856,0.08823265276103301,0.0,0.0,0.10883591880915344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655149729859182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329204330463597,0.0,0.0,0.096292289255024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512057624443016,0.07582745140238638,0.10608938061064152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736131183310733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168845052443464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998185523516134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247407620658402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447672167914738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592434260314455,0.08335488308484246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181144253375899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496308829152014,0.08013625518273551,0.0,0.09179170706008298,0.0,0.0,0.06623721839803798,0.12776933682299796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459215910305033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973938371152201,0.10379273376578116,0.11992857785738265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940325150304729,0.07913837650762831,0.07997449557507239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840894000858252
bpd,OrcvilleRedenbacher,2019/01/02,"Do antidepressants cause mania in people with BPD? I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after an antidepressant caused me to have a manic episode. I've been reading about BPD and it sounds more like what I've experienced, rather than bipolar disorder. I'm planning to talk to my psychiatrist about this next week, so I'm not asking for you to diagnose me. I'm just curious about how antidepressants interact with BPD.",7.547599999999999,9.038831226666673,7.724,66.40200000000003,63.4,11.866666666666667,36.33333333333333,11.602472056035307,4.839933333333335,342,16,55,11,5,111,54,75,0.07200000000000001,0.8590000000000001,0.068,-0.079,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,3,0,10,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,14,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,35,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301950475580318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6588673999744478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35826763307214743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35397916070726343,0.0,0.0,0.39970364451469975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519208093692265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854525422211276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089146275473417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442477621710634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015809925804287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987518213026978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Widower1972,2019/01/02,"When group doesn't work I tried a self help book last spring, but have attention deffecit - the book made me sleepy. It's like my brain doesn't want to get better. Anyone self help in more stimulating or engaging ways? ",5.082857142857144,6.445201571428572,4.479523809523811,87.88214285714287,69.0,8.457142857142857,23.523809523809533,8.841846274778883,1.28032380952381,174,4,36,3,3,52,37,42,0.026000000000000002,0.581,0.39299999999999996,0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,2,0,6,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,15,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614551638720185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480963974822607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131521515373349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465596810960443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760521545773797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286605526691097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704749013329084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654340082346308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5852853176736994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045409327635546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654574663080022,0.22266304907339693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042212866565813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jekylland,2019/01/02,"i keep getting sick of the people i love. hey. i made an account here mostly so i could find advice in this subreddit. i've got bpd, obviously, and i've been realizing something that happens to me. i'll grow extremely attached to someone, and then after awhile, i'll start to despise them. for example, my current fp. near the beginning, i idealized him and loved everything about him, i would've forgave him for killing me. to be honest, i'm still like that. but after about four months of the adoration, if i'm not actively engaging in a conversation with him, i hate him. it's so frustrating. i want to be a constant for the people i love, i hate how back and forth my feelings are. i know that he's a good person for me, but it's almost like i get restless? i want him in my life, and i love him, he's everything to me, but i keep thinking that i want something new. i know that i could never leave him, and i sure as hell don't want to, so i don't know why i keep feeling like this. it's almost like i split on him if he isn't giving me attention, which is too toxic of an issue for me to want to bring it up with him. i want to be able to handle this on my own.

​

i guess what i'm asking is - does anyone else experience this? and how could i combat this?",2.3090852130325814,3.5922811616541384,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,75.72932330827068,7.472681704260651,25.07268170426065,8.11559375814309,1.3604982456140349,983,33,216,16,21,336,128,266,0.142,0.649,0.21,0.9287,1,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,1,11,21,6,1,9,0,13,6,0,3,3,47,48,19,1,12,6,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,16,9,0,3,9,0,1,2,5,7,0,1,3,2,46,14,33,39,2,21,1,0,0,4,23,7,1,6,16,144,62,0,0.10282205196993943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047651916731556,0.0,0.0,0.20592286486651948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140765035082982,0.1249400475779002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718955694691698,0.10535334319114187,0.0,0.0,0.09612473863515612,0.0,0.0,0.07906381113838977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950077499957174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111410997633143,0.0,0.24628512537443986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998027058447475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589463058335091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481966061279434,0.10057969683148428,0.0,0.0,0.10397983786596796,0.07345609447214216,0.0,0.0,0.0939774927219927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744055666120286,0.09863628149646014,0.0,0.08624225883317174,0.08223618793356634,0.0,0.11327008250552782,0.0,0.09092520098197608,0.0,0.0,0.20303097801029088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731950824884837,0.0,0.2741788925363815,0.11375736615032715,0.0,0.1695249322011371,0.0,0.0,0.10887370670388684,0.0,0.0,0.07262625611570385,0.20093464340021536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712036653752169,0.09729271170716523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207158090280924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930270525765422,0.09930617851732808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256772866446654,0.08978024974872217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712079096395929,0.15831487807482775,0.0,0.0,0.07277797760652024,0.0,0.0821138235238528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690856713266616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588421912984714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638826616762564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278090895575693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304183561065282,0.0,0.1249400475779002,0.0
bpd,ToebeanEnthusiast,2019/01/02,"Polyamorous with BPD hey everyone! So I recently came out to my fiancé as polyamorous, and it’s been going really well. We’ve found a guy we like and may start dating, pending his schedule for this semester. I’ve had very little issues with jealousy and am generally happier than ever

But BPD has to come in somehow. After I proposed to my fiancé I stopped having as many issues with emotional permanence with him, but now with our new guy I struggle with it again. Constantly thinking he hates me or doesn’t like me anymore for absolutely no reason. I’m tired of this. What are some ways to cope with this or overcome it completely? I can’t keep going like this 😞",3.9641193181818153,6.094669843750005,4.896619318181821,80.68190340909092,73.21875,8.092045454545454,28.82386363636364,8.841846274778883,2.510209375,532,22,96,11,11,173,89,128,0.128,0.7709999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.6911,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,1,28,19,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,14,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,2,1,0,4,0,13,4,20,14,1,19,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,5,14,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510947194662905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393967502349228,0.0,0.0,0.17888304594804494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472709475913505,0.16398527662614676,0.16901577764023998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593200919041385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414752148032576,0.0,0.14944950180895286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714875101181152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777454058161052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30972656554239963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441530621438332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32648761073658417,0.0,0.13901792413956954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923140690493185,0.1567566142839468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856781008186027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510547219445122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019558759230132,0.1608080453810477,0.1544288178048189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070265048129496,0.0,0.0,0.1307596774831196,0.0,0.16350608200650768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021654795077843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797619193006095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904862412672902,0.0,0.12414519948570238,0.0,0.0,0.1406248288280833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Disquietest,2019/01/02,"Introduction So, I'm actually a mental health clinician. I specialize in BPD, among other things. Primarily trauma stuff. 

I also live with BPD myself. 

Because of this, I know the tools and have dramatically reduced the frequency and duration of my episodes.  

However, I am not cured. I will not say that a cure is impossible,  but it hasn't been for me. I have healed a great deal. But the impulse and sudden crippling emotional pain still happen...just not as often. 

Anyway, I am also a heathen.  I am gay and polyamorous. I don't do jealousy. That helps.  

So that is an introduction.  I do have general advice to offer from my experience and expertise. I am not really here in a professional capacity. I am here seeking and wanting to provide peer support.  

I often need help to see through the delusions. I hope that it's okay to be honest about this. Other subreddits can get bitchy when someone who treats mental illness admits it.",2.7286443381180234,5.700074222222228,4.623819776714517,75.75620813397133,84.55555555555556,7.553535353535353,27.655768208399788,8.438071523408619,2.8204479532163735,736,34,122,19,22,249,111,171,0.079,0.7340000000000001,0.187,0.9617,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,10,1,18,5,0,0,0,21,27,14,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,14,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,2,18,7,15,24,0,6,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,3,3,98,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.16760952455144246,0.0,0.0,0.16783842063030255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747071510647687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470114118072488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432642486552194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707336397832948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320289482352346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801077110921958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973565909279002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893620987117844,0.0,0.0,0.151883666500182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825690806659502,0.0,0.0,0.2302494635079805,0.0,0.0,0.17059291497093296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439285620791923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166409706637754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461802194989019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735523554908865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827609785460851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003158356717782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658762733518534,0.0,0.0,0.1368676577727403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552868750463427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716492735192204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966200493515247,0.0,0.19490719046976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410735722008633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130640760088562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwawayorgoaway93,2019/01/02,"DAE feel pushed out & vilified by other supposedly ‘support’ subreddits? LTL FTPish Throwaway On mobile so apologies for all that yada yada. 

But I - like most people here - have BPD, anxiety & severe depression. I am acutely aware of all of my issues, even if I can’t stop what happens sometimes. While there is the genetic history in my family, A lot of it comes from personal situations  and I browse most of the JUSTNO subs & RBN. 

But I’ve noticed a disturbing trend recently that lots of JUSTNO’S and N’s are said as ‘oh ya they have BPD so they’re the SUPER MEGA BITCH FROM HELL.’ Like they will specifically name BPD, (when more often or not it looks like NPD or HPD but that’s just my ~internet diagnoses~ I also have the tendency to assume that as soon as ‘cluster B disorder’ is mentioned - which it is in increasing frequency - im just as bad as any of them NO’s & N’s) 

I know most people on RBN & JUSTNO’S are suffering with their own kinds of mental illness but they seem to forget that while X may suffer from BPD, not all people with BPD are X

I dunno what I want from this post tbh I just wanted some validation or something that these ‘support’ subs tend to vilify BPD. The increasing number of posts that mention the N/JUSTNO as having BPD means that I must be as bad as all of them. 

I suppose it’s a prime example of Black & White thinking but it’s killing me that I’m being shut out of the places I want to garner info & support from and I just wanted to rant about it. Thank. ",2.9480960899565503,4.8503378870431915,4.527657807308972,83.22130015333506,75.44518272425248,7.820138001533349,24.533733708152308,8.617729084823388,1.7636183490927675,1188,39,232,24,26,398,166,301,0.147,0.7909999999999999,0.062,-0.9837,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,6,1,15,17,2,1,10,0,17,2,0,0,5,51,36,26,1,6,15,0,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,21,8,0,1,7,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,1,5,24,9,40,30,14,20,0,3,3,0,13,8,1,15,9,154,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714952684969634,0.0,0.5420165250455896,0.0,0.048597793618198055,0.0,0.054669565295052965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933847527839685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6300425494563517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061559683952705224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155161431987894,0.07253419153461785,0.0,0.0,0.08190363706831383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720112610666138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736965371544366,0.0,0.03613421405688179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319514903808196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719310215682952,0.07458957742445943,0.0,0.0,0.07906403978666629,0.07441848780103187,0.039274602421996097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474072038983652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001154277752156,0.0,0.0,0.12151183191621767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784496288836079,0.0,0.0,0.07201864120538208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136194135069727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863187703194214,0.06239938105466933,0.07466439774502029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688501653437166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056182154191344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797838152299468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505790466752277,0.0,0.08073368455965245,0.0,0.0,0.08032823767933213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501627825308702,0.07067946592441551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059746886355780474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432886149146699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579421009492302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579107884505722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860466103754412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkfactory,2019/01/02,"i blamed BPD for my fake friends im well aware that bpd kind of makes u think that everyone hates u so i always used that as an excuse when my friends would make me feel bad. sometimes my bpd makes me split on the people closest to me so i always thought that’s exactly what was happening.

im so used to thinking that im the problem so it was hard to look at people and ask myself if they’re part of the reason why i feel so shitty. i couldn’t help but notice how when they’re not around i feel so much better. literally i started to see what was going on and that our friendship wasn’t as real as i thought it was. 

to them i was the ugly friend, so they constantly made fun of my looks. i mess around with my other friends, we’ll tell eachother we’ve got big heads but at the end of the day we were joking and never actively tried hurting the other. with my fake friends it feels like they’re constantly taking the shit out of me and laughing when im actually hurt. they’ll take things im genuinely serious about and stomp all over it. other people say they’re joking but they always seem serious and so unnecessarily rude.

sure my bpd may cause many problems in my life but i cant ignore it when im ten times happier and relieved that they’re not around. im tired of thinking im the problem when i should have known that that’s not always the case. 

i need to remember that some people will just be assholes and i cant really blame it on my bpd to justify their behavior. 

anyways i just wanted to vent about this to tell myself that it’s not my fault when fake friends try to pull this kind of shit on you. and im also gonna try to start the new year without these toxic friendships ",2.752891541885873,4.172443875354109,3.968145487656823,89.06764518413601,74.83569405099149,6.9692027519223,23.93858761634965,7.5804360353943165,0.9480700930797252,1340,40,290,17,28,438,171,353,0.145,0.643,0.212,0.9840000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,1,5,1,25,35,4,0,12,0,18,5,3,9,4,65,49,33,0,9,12,0,5,1,6,7,2,1,0,0,27,16,0,1,13,2,0,2,10,18,1,1,11,9,40,17,39,29,4,32,0,2,3,0,21,14,2,4,17,178,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.05900543608736539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835409947099853,0.20124798050889087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148087898240748,0.056526917724614364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050486021691005134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347666731083189,0.0,0.0,0.3807698079398112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211454588945645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068307371976948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038995133190578346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355433190302805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777721031421714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229234271059228,0.04319644107806875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802921659239112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03436383827102772,0.0,0.04835964492918258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534692882184068,0.0,0.05416505562366794,0.05969699139102923,0.062054868869683914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405286335592478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945876441930282,0.0,0.5878163532280419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593066504561992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042708448026902615,0.029540304131850745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101551290757109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057213753586885074,0.12108322416411935,0.06130235030074654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444897194466455,0.044834273181633716,0.04663458709056268,0.05839778877215932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688401745752348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547805590979948,0.0,0.16767617541181068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735714532944208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882277869522467,0.0387356362303388,0.062168425760803586,0.0,0.0,0.06849542750907547,0.0,0.0,0.048084454249362064,0.0,0.0,0.04818303646376715,0.05504536200171272,0.0,0.0,0.12413357675131242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980175364976618,0.0,0.08559533811461509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056987854311990986,0.0,0.09092480051363032,0.0,0.10569872033214274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017047594142842,0.11623121852862715,0.0,0.0960054298300669,0.03525781792322792,0.0694959975925223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231559622084481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444525601013918,0.0,0.0,0.035664015961694336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054365589796260036,0.0,0.05456055206415792,0.0,0.0,0.05828641669161109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042952832856994895,0.0,0.0,0.03893768760247247
bpd,t3hd0n,2019/01/02,"requesting advice talking to a bpd friend in the idealization phase i've known this person for over 3 years and have been a friend for almost as long. I've given her emotional support and advice when she's asked and when shes expressed she's feeling depressed.

a few months ago I made a mistake and immediately took ownership and apologized. we had some space and have now buried the hatchet. on NYE she expressed under the influence that i'm her (and several other people's) rock and that i'm such a good friend, etc.

her boyfriend, one of my other good friends, told me she went through a major devalue phase during our space that i didn't see. name calling, hate, etc. 

i really want to say something along the lines of ""i appreciate you feel that way about me (the positive stuff) but i think its important you keep in mind i'm not perfect"".

i know its important she keeps that in mind, but i'm not sure if this is the time to bring it up with her. additionally i don't want to trigger another devaluation phase by saying it wrong or making comments when i shouldn't be.",4.308928571428574,5.8843204047619055,5.149702380952379,81.5188392857143,71.14285714285714,8.488095238095239,28.36309523809524,9.017664075816787,2.2618809523809524,855,32,167,17,16,278,130,210,0.062,0.7829999999999999,0.155,0.8791,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,2,2,0,2,6,14,1,0,12,0,10,0,0,4,2,41,33,16,0,6,6,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,1,14,12,0,2,5,1,0,3,5,4,0,1,8,5,25,10,21,23,5,22,0,1,1,0,31,9,0,4,9,105,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25121401215586914,0.11394223384452805,0.0,0.1287134285364877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478454532033596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201667885198148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618906065543695,0.0,0.1312528816767519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071061358746064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458928470154728,0.0,0.0,0.2867103430615259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998655044035232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972362287105907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562514345056655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690583581264875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285030712095063,0.0,0.0,0.07064177569650634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375313578215232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162688687881965,0.08580090558101937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595758733430137,0.0,0.10259875288990147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710147986893295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911288781339567,0.11223546027791323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234549475611541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443904169774796,0.0,0.0,0.10242909017596773,0.0,0.0,0.14521269431415942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989557461652244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471466166161113,0.0,0.1458647463794605,0.1211466627398488,0.0,0.0,0.10331492969574177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236272097465995,0.0,0.0,0.07495223374271766,0.0,0.0,0.12282470179813362,0.1428117665523769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163148589543804,0.10202842379490464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191571143160114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405374227866104,0.0,0.08277502223581297
bpd,djw6470,2019/01/02,"Relationship problems My wife of 1 year has taken our newborn and gone to live with her parents. She is angry, her words, that I did not share what happens when I go through a rough mental health patch before we got married. 

So now I'm angry because it feels like an attack. She told me to ""man up"" , I mean wtf. ",1.8376190476190464,3.874123158730161,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,79.3174603174603,4.834920634920637,23.198412698412696,5.46131890053228,0.2394888888888889,241,8,50,1,6,78,56,63,0.256,0.708,0.035,-0.9391,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,12,3,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,2,11,2,6,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,0,4,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30536012427556986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636229240755307,0.0,0.2284008807920025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357183832412408,0.19175529767272104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254608649191914,0.0,0.2146755120863557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373579633595017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853119506384485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113371543522082,0.0,0.2370148286773813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923819649170038,0.0,0.0,0.27049857877741623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29804242133866576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568363261979985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881766093270601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564814574070797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728500702964242
bpd,showmesane,2019/01/02,"I can't be with anyone I can't be with the one who doesn't love me because he'll never care enough even though he was excellent at dealing with my bpd. 

I can't be with the one who is caring because he raged and called me an arsehole and punched a wall. He can't deal with stress and he can't deal with me because I'm a bad person.

I should leave these people alone, they don't need the havoc I bring. It is not his fault he cannot love me. 

An explosively bad 2018 and even worse new years. I give up, I don't know what to do anymore. I can't harm because I got a tattoo to cover them and it would feel like breaking  a promise to myself but maybe I'll just use the other leg. ",3.4825333333333366,3.1210347200000044,4.676666666666666,91.21833333333336,71.8,7.466666666666668,24.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.5240666666666671,528,12,129,3,9,175,84,150,0.124,0.767,0.109,-0.2935,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,4,13,1,1,10,0,19,3,1,1,1,21,32,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,6,0,2,2,1,18,7,11,24,1,8,0,0,0,2,19,3,0,0,4,80,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820111256431753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190972835108212,0.10005389809781776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389532256520204,0.34891246830080364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802205259804196,0.0,0.1461138720502963,0.0,0.29178554112586513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425675579984481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478532395149395,0.0,0.18902305080206228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723520807949816,0.1022256120264966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726776949484326,0.0,0.0,0.11444448146399873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786401276959795,0.0,0.0,0.1515147433494302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699079737580617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582938975461826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375607308640825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610158849596964,0.11036208280029128,0.1382000356797671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392693436330005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992026149952727,0.12494322008823228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639124586237455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058806928531192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358634128682194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458239122289585,0.1016491062109144,0.0,0.0,0.09214715024474966
bpd,slavasesh,2019/01/02,"Mindfulness doesn't work for me. When I'm in the throes of extreme emotion, I cannot practice mindfulness. Even trying to take a second to slow down and pause to try to determine if my emotions are logical or warranted causes pain in my chest and blurred vision until I can give voice to my emotions.  


Anyone else deal with this?",6.182142857142857,6.9600141587301625,6.285833333333333,78.04875,66.14285714285714,9.474603174603176,33.21031746031745,9.516144504307137,3.11919365079365,264,11,47,5,4,84,50,63,0.055,0.912,0.033,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,10,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,6,0,12,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,3,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915442438694056,0.20391220122805767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444103576213984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517352798988112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662497142036076,0.6715880693437009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314461221916055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909112769625391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018925284043405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117637227006784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963290906573185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27023334726337056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488373792933254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vancoura,2019/01/02,"I think I might have BPD, how I can tell my psycholoist? Hello all,

I started going to a psychologist a month ago because after several talks with my boyfriend I realised the way I feel and act is not normal and that I probably need some help.

  
Like three weeks ago I found out what BPD is, I watched many hours of videos from various psychologists and people who suffer with BPD and I feel like that might be the reason of my irracional behaviour and feelings.  


I told my friend who has many experiences with psychologists what I think my problem might be and she told me I shouldn't diagnose myself and let the professional do it.   
I don't wanna diagnose myself of course but I think that if I feel that way it might make the diagnosis easier for the psychologist maybe? If it's not BPD it's ok, if it is, it can save many and many hours of sessions I think.  
Every session takes 45 minutes and I go there once a week and it seems to me like it is never long enough for me to say everything I wanna say. I feel like it will like it will take forever for the psychologist to get to know me and eventually to come up with a diagnose (if there is some of course).  


How did you all find out you have BPD? Did the specialist just told you that you have BPD?   


Are there some people who had it the same as me, they thought they have BPD so they told their psychologist/therapist... they think they might have BPD?

​

So how can I tell him? What are your experiences?   


Thank you <3",2.739475413980536,4.8717205938566615,3.7848843382631774,87.2551826570598,76.84982935153585,7.617191252686133,23.13854127164707,8.515128840125781,1.3836958412337252,1166,36,245,24,27,376,131,293,0.023,0.875,0.10300000000000001,0.9719,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,6,6,0,9,11,0,0,12,1,32,3,0,5,3,65,60,22,0,10,8,0,5,5,1,8,3,2,0,0,22,18,0,0,16,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,9,8,47,9,26,40,8,20,0,1,1,0,29,3,0,13,16,176,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223721733448694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859405276160853,0.07692599375903211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038591891112153935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6378723877591341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453412598590508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276847209645845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541395494093462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533396125278697,0.0,0.05689703315496846,0.12385449310670316,0.0,0.0,0.16005181112475955,0.09045431267990636,0.0,0.0,0.05786224800429994,0.0,0.0,0.06941381389177745,0.04891150479347002,0.0,0.033075750135413584,0.0,0.07195864507058701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042433932066672085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469100285766747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03479235075626711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473658826457464,0.0,0.15464514204843724,0.0,0.0,0.05602547445524726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04225849609168048,0.25673698220162683,0.06360126648702777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335798238167041,0.0,0.0,0.05053173936392948,0.0,0.0,0.046941984847992835,0.04882693362127179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202827293503716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742081743565206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777941435186427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825659345330166,0.06057708350025196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509103623169002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068992146491217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763310890685264,0.0,0.07151987538573007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044809637579683766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519928182455878,0.050884469379371765,0.11066774090844927,0.058285382771234386,0.0,0.07350531873796033,0.0,0.20282564029124825,0.0,0.05025937873633463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24197353842598385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050168396197184,0.10156351234384096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692599375903211,0.0
bpd,JimmyL2014,2019/01/02,"I have just received a provisional diagnosis from a psychiatrist. What happens now? To be perfectly honest, I'm feeling kind of lost. Of course, I'm happy to receive the diagnosis, and it fits everything that I have been experiencing all my life nearly perfectly. However, a part of me feels sad that it's taken this long to get a diagnosis and I can't help but wonder what I've missed in life because of the disorder. 

I've been prescribed an antipsychotic, and am being referred to a psychologist for therapy. On the MH treatment side, everything is in order, but on the personal side, my emotions are in disarray and I am going in and out of dissociation while I am trying to wrestle with what I've learned today. 

Any ideas or comments, guys? ",6.365277777777778,7.286523321428575,8.00809523809524,65.35468253968256,65.78571428571428,11.365079365079366,36.98412698412698,11.20814326018867,4.633960317460319,595,30,101,18,9,208,89,140,0.08900000000000001,0.831,0.081,-0.2707,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,10,0,12,2,0,0,3,20,23,9,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,4,3,8,5,21,17,2,19,0,3,0,0,6,11,0,2,4,72,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396436472548234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517820396698168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23534654049339074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309888039661851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691069919683573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766018643694045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072858281233018,0.0,0.11670397187398725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203326754637812,0.181588513458466,0.21859671053708835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764040191567736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318128398037355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138382894780892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900866590048833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817264732719245,0.0,0.0,0.22416154418550904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237181815930096,0.0,0.0,0.17930190875279994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348332763591902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946458453000474,0.0,0.0,0.13941777823080873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269109153788733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stbhyfm23,2019/01/02,"DBT group therapy- now what? What else has worked in addition to Group? I was super against it at first. I decided to Angelina jolie myself and play girl interrupted.


I opened my mind up and now I love it. I’m going to graduate from this group in a few weeks. Then what?

What happens when I lose that support? What do I do next? I can’t handle just being alone. Learning how to use my skills, and learning new DBT skills is the only thing keeping me going.





",0.4959340659340654,2.9749357362637383,2.1817582417582417,91.8882417582418,92.73626373626374,5.437362637362638,20.186813186813183,7.010146845296331,0.6583670329670332,356,12,73,6,13,116,64,91,0.073,0.778,0.149,0.8504,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,6,5,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,2,0,13,15,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,11,4,10,13,1,15,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,8,51,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585833391125781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856766395324625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236959794542096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28378699519871803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207827967184481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191861017478412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793174238783842,0.0,0.0,0.22533737211624424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520960297919659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411333226398183,0.26552740693657845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898856642149339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833231222555277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285519973315917,0.0,0.16586998479636694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563514771040584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20027061350038985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176309601186366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,overthought123,2019/01/02,"Has anyone been able to improve their quality of life as far as it being in relation to your deep rooted fear of rejection, low self esteem&confidence that’s essentially ruining your social life/relationships/friendships, or your pointless need to card &worry about what others think/judge you on?Etc For an example, on Facebook I used to post whatever, I didn’t care if others disagreed etc , then about 3 yrs ago I slowly stopped posting that stuff & only family , significant events or news on my profile, & now I haven’t posted anything for over a month. & I’m so “anxious” & “worried” that I’ll be rejected, judged or disagreed with or just plain won’t get any likes/comments/shares, or will be made to look a fool etc & *I* will then look like a loser introvert that people judge, question negatively, or whatever u wanna call it besides agreeing, liking, sharing etc in a positive manner. I’m so effing weird & anxious, self conscious & have such low self esteem that that stuff really matters to me. Even thought I *know* I’m overthinking & worrying about insignificant ass stuff that literally doesn’t matter & typically won’t affect my ‘real life’ & I know that I shouldn’t care what others think etc etc yet I can’t help but feel alone, like the ugly duckling, not cared about, it goes on but you get the gist of it.... & it really affects my quality of life when I face almost any type of real or perceived rejection, period. 
I’ve lost boyfriends, tryouts, interviews/jobs, friends & am not nearly as close to all family as I’d like to be, thanks to my insecurities & fear of being rejected or judged negatively. I sincerely for some reason have ALWAYS wanted to be ‘popular’, well liked/accepted & not opposed to unless I had backup/support. I have this super deep desire & it’s never satisfied & is always a priority that’s on the back burner & never forgotten, never had a change of heart on the issue even though it’s seriously impacted my life in very negative ways which thus reiterated to myself that I “need” to be liked/accepted/wanted etc because if I’m so unhappy by being rejected, alone, introverted usually, it must mean that since those things I long for so much are “missing” from my life that I would be happy/better if I had those things since I feel so incomplete without those things. Ugh sorry for rambling I’ll stop now. 


Anyone have any advice, opinions, thoughts?? Thanks for reading if you made it this far ❤️",5.62999744800306,7.3348504793926255,6.4124747990302415,73.23808695929567,68.06724511930585,9.588388413933904,30.695482965420442,9.916854025145753,3.246070001276,1985,79,336,48,34,653,240,461,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.122,-0.9815,1,5,0,0,0,0,97.0,0,6,1,3,20,33,0,3,11,0,32,8,3,8,5,65,61,28,0,12,20,0,2,4,1,7,5,0,0,3,38,2,0,3,12,1,0,0,17,18,1,0,10,4,33,15,50,35,9,39,0,11,2,1,16,17,1,17,22,214,71,2,0.03904328452851248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381526457712683,0.034609515997539336,0.0,0.03909620966453994,0.0808741358660162,0.0,0.0,0.06497428084006923,0.8037642670160947,0.0,0.07965231699199027,0.0,0.0,0.08821559657623029,0.0,0.05459994468783573,0.0,0.0321292964635263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030021875804299276,0.0,0.02380042386191601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039867558804516416,0.0,0.1194216920259846,0.0,0.041302618076386015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048050801282006,0.05157544241019263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361306778028585,0.08786909954760222,0.039482915554111514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03016474477567394,0.0,0.04079700942801153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626648015237295,0.026169890622345742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040751045283990525,0.038744435416915315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291433621353798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546455905752816,0.0762983066726131,0.0,0.0,0.03455207818722024,0.06557305140294241,0.0,0.04262035718745397,0.0,0.0,0.07388739969600952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042529582782619486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031163977215996612,0.0,0.028701306506351783,0.057900201524460175,0.09033776391159433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029694177241716007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027067697484085777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217802205290607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437374141473627,0.0,0.03905385019579562,0.08887961091246642,0.050024255658806055,0.040142999145166516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219198236158915,0.0,0.0,0.06459401684831059,0.0,0.0,0.039799711740058814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043705760508884924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528386821677963,0.0,0.0,0.13408565928349128,0.0,0.044305856599101565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189162152629064,0.0,0.0,0.07781587011301133,0.05003472045427616,0.03835982881568044,0.061992013476873074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372086208892866,0.04300066191446618,0.03221479867956123,0.023028740791537702,0.030990741943427807,0.0,0.0,0.035104601701105236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03763633302262855,0.0,0.0,0.11895105193450765,0.0,0.0277352291224969,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,El_0sito,2019/01/02,"Hang out with girl, stranger the next day. So I went to this girls house, met her cousins and nephews. Had an ok time....we kept texting the next day. I end up seeing her randomly on the street, and her facial expression was completely shocked, like scared. As I notice some guy coming towards her, I nodded my head towards him, and he did the same. I acted like I didn’t know her and she did the same, she kept walking with him. Took her like 20 mins to reply to my text and she said it was her cousin whose very over protective. I didn’t reply back. 


Call me paranoid, or a person with BPD, but this is bs right? 
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bpd,extrovertedgoth,2019/01/02,"Dreading the New Year Hey all. I'm new here but have been lurking for a long time. Today was a really low day. January first is always a trigger for me because I become obsessed with all the paranoid thoughts of how badly something can go in a year. How many times I cried, felt alone, lost, thought about ending it all in 2018. And 2017. I'm dreading all the Bad Nights and all the bad things that await me in 2019. Just had a breakdown to my family, they told me to get a hobby. Anyways, cheers. ",1.7505999999999986,3.9366928600000013,2.7059999999999995,93.473,80.4,5.2,23.0,6.2581,0.41490000000000027,386,13,81,3,10,122,72,100,0.321,0.631,0.048,-0.986,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,6,9,0,3,10,0,6,0,0,3,5,16,15,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,1,8,1,7,1,10,7,5,17,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,12,50,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430621253790508,0.0,0.0,0.14807161134737226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457513499555496,0.108478833976136,0.19653571777572829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547362150545364,0.11476531971418702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576140282145692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775877195593822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708633173653578,0.0,0.0,0.15136720095673906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297338648547587,0.0,0.10113510489903832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157483294202988,0.0,0.0,0.19425732407814505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041697144904464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34373730005146963,0.0,0.1669973542359917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400160257386585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699733883608084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822443308394595,0.0,0.0,0.2825504863619152,0.20753229520249436,0.0,0.16867916032744806,0.17004224556686556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22919250691050724
bpd,purplehue4,2019/01/02,"Can someone please explain like I’m 5 years old about “splitting” and “dissociation”? When I split or dissociate, it is nothing like the dictionary definition. Any help would be so appreciated right now. Love and light. 💕",3.5514035087719336,6.760514315789479,4.890526315789477,71.280350877193,90.05263157894737,7.796491228070176,30.017543859649123,8.344100000000001,3.3063017543859656,176,9,29,5,6,58,35,38,0.0,0.603,0.397,0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364097389666452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330183443917852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396824495240361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31376214721671825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33357364973023745,0.0,0.3647937402007929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816085514093306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968859480936605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29455750564790345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24695621639062695,0.0,0.0,0.22387124121292665
bpd,greenhouse4,2019/01/02,"I don’t know how to talk to my girlfriend I have no idea on how to set boundaries with her about how often I can stand being touchy in extremely in each other’s faces without it feeling like my borderline is turning me into this complete miserable, uninterested seeming asshole. I guess it doesn’t help that she’s just much more affectionate than I am. ",6.8797058823529404,7.188729323529415,7.1782352941176475,73.87705882352944,64.58823529411765,9.741176470588236,36.117647058823536,9.516144504307137,3.4172529411764696,286,13,51,5,4,93,55,68,0.131,0.782,0.087,-0.2469,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,1,3,0,14,12,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,11,11,3,6,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,3,1,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406965368162333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643009363433022,0.2321393329628399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579613316829837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178024329211656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668210771612636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858016621828066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587507286605807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388704819332244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29581588896829875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611768622176355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534446572710737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31323344131825565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TherapyThrowAway1212,2019/01/02,"Anyone else not know where reality and their BPD begin & end? I constantly question if my perceptions and emotions are legitimately justifiable, or if I’m just overreacting, being overly paranoid, etc. because of my BPD and I’m not seeing the reality of something. ",6.53891304347826,9.363947021739136,8.390652173913043,55.38858695652178,67.91304347826087,10.686956521739132,37.58695652173913,10.686352973137794,5.314321739130435,217,12,29,7,4,76,35,46,0.045,0.955,0.0,-0.25,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,7,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,4,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599494429009428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775520506628758,0.2458228208210764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625088023247765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6043329019213675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25926451994834937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004194622004075,0.2698737865963676,0.21249482058811853,0.0,0.26757033240074385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318518418460881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687614033790265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118239972255285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846994538924661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway48392748392,2019/01/02,"I find it so hard opening up to people now Trust issues, over sharing. Issues with people telling me I’m “too depressing”. Don’t want people thinking I’m weird. 
Anyone someone wants me to talk about it, I can’t find the words. It feels like I have barbed wire wrapped around my neck. ",1.9925595238095253,4.443536946428573,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,81.32142857142857,4.447619047619049,21.833333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.02464047619047616,223,7,45,1,6,68,42,56,0.106,0.723,0.17,0.5767,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,10,9,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,3,7,9,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719775564173144,0.0,0.0,0.2001354076097046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363514637970572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136745787341632,0.1606098021683989,0.0,0.0,0.4109585902388427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139249093311115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693025163540179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983456701991344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675808357551969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048729859688496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806999427298796,0.1965005697033844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405409757358156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26520659596868995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexisreneaa99,2019/01/02,"i think my therapist forgot to schedule my appointment... i really needed to see my therapist this week and i guess she just forgot to schedule our appointment this week? i always get an automated reminder text the day before, but there's been nothing. it sucks, the holidays are really hard, coupled with my fp leaving for college on friday, and the fact that i didnt see her last week and 3 weeks ago because she was out of town/celebrating the holidays. i had a huge meltdown two days ago and i really needed her. i don't know how i'm gonna get through the rest of the week. i have a lot of issues with phone calls so she schedule's appointments for me, and at our last session she said she would put me down for our usual appointment on wednesdays this week. idk im just really struggling and this is just triggering me, i guess i'll call tomorrow and see if i can get an appointment for friday or something but she's usually booked for the rest of the week.",4.780813532017722,5.7355906335078535,5.7703664921465965,79.86052758759566,69.36649214659685,9.64655658477648,29.87555376560612,9.851270322608157,2.823438662907773,765,29,149,18,13,253,105,191,0.043,0.888,0.069,0.6844,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,12,0,10,0,0,2,1,30,28,13,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,2,0,1,7,5,29,0,20,19,3,27,0,0,3,0,15,6,1,5,20,98,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707842602559474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878030639937967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432545654706381,0.0,0.08979176368902335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550027313765516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675849391855067,0.0,0.1361063963502566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539324713945108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324895716790681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452731566550784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398226594444827,0.11013793736914304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579923341988708,0.1720296287756514,0.0,0.11173295224475477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971134436813183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648699867011828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125155873860836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060791260350466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704013258208163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037593702977812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522629975225029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123627479534228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031489114627416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503920643410226,0.0,0.06761447306776927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308002123727768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243596210906325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5925057542189722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496006315235469,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bareshnum,2019/01/02,"Have a friend with BPD and our friendship is eroding fast. Need to talk with someone Not gonna go into detail here because there is a chance they might see this. I really want to be there for them and keep myself emotionally safe at the same time, but don't know how. If there is anyone who would be willing to talk 1 on 1, I would really appreciate it. ",3.9558333333333313,4.847281805555556,4.939888888888888,85.294,71.2222222222222,7.982222222222222,24.12222222222222,8.238735603445708,1.1890688888888885,278,7,59,4,5,91,57,72,0.0,0.8220000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.8685,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,0,18,18,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,9,11,1,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,2,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655618073075793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392367010105307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180190713337656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840322303082904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508342584448066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350344626251732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443653788694493,0.0,0.0,0.13876921201617898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678661021400961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722800001256024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235201637479129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012124410960432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394522956571546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059051812338309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472367067896877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893299047968958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35874220412179303,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachycherry,2019/01/02,I Need Help Getting Over FP I want to get over them so badly. I'm tired of crying every freaking day because they don't want me back. I don't want to be overdramatic and block them a third time only to come back again. I don't know what to do. I don't want to find a new FP. I just want to get over it.,-0.8197142857142836,0.7279741714285706,1.7957142857142865,99.99928571428572,85.85714285714286,4.571428571428573,15.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-1.081714285714286,232,4,62,1,7,80,41,70,0.22399999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.129,-0.8946,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,18,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,10,0,10,17,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32087185901757004,0.17421073226701003,0.12718869233489874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797300928222577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291878829626333,0.13455943804719686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757932915843388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069870501647365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270268405992328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398510457677004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466640966327485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470839848375614,0.0,0.20151165023534867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868471903048406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216631866169956,0.2398079354384288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6153242153140437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oniaiwasprettygood,2019/01/02,"The feeling of ""inevitability"" of being abandoned There are so many times when I pray that everyone who claims to care about me was just using me. I lie awake at night because I will never understand nor will I ever believe that the people who tell me they love me, and it burns.  The closer I am to someone (especially my favorite person) the more I'm certain that everything they tell me is an absolute lie. I become skeptical of everything they say and I become excessively paranoid about everything. I pray to be abandoned and left alone because at least then I won't have to worry about it anymore. I'll know that I was right and that everything I most feared was true. I'm so terrified of people leaving me that I just want it to happen so it's done. And subsequently I lash out at everyone seemingly close to me and try to force them to just up and leave, and i'm not sure how to stop. ",6.317045454545454,6.171137522727277,6.962636363636364,76.49145454545456,65.81818181818181,10.449090909090913,32.94090909090909,10.125756701596842,3.1611859090909107,708,27,137,15,10,234,98,176,0.135,0.728,0.136,0.0516,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,4,0,13,9,1,1,5,0,13,1,0,2,5,30,25,15,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,12,10,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,2,25,5,21,16,3,16,2,2,0,1,11,9,0,2,7,101,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964449600252582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371635442238605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643837382250335,0.2978210107772875,0.0,0.15190862957155205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746942963623948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797916533113214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196257086817268,0.0,0.25767404532214666,0.4847104785171731,0.0,0.0,0.15172262416316948,0.06817472340475449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192308154097779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409972035745291,0.0,0.0,0.285533618552301,0.14649453083003386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169045332811199,0.0,0.0,0.1366977092165159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399016015313184,0.0,0.0,0.12652997989009301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869500023778214,0.11772943331030522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514513758509505,0.0,0.10722320942944516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227452920110364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424206747518507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272494941189636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707684288442114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356968838166247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862117713975443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154155769264004,0.0,0.0,0.14036407022683092,0.0,0.11645089596951955,0.0,0.0,0.07952695548388307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369276635312574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PleaseTrustMe_,2019/01/02,"Avoid narcissists. They're even more damaging for you, than for non-borderlines. At the very least, think of the ones who are in your personal company. Story inside. To clarify, for a borderline person, I am actually quite good at making everyone think I am not a chaotic mess of emotions. Like, I almost make sense on the surface -- at my *worst*. 

 I wish I knew what a narcissist really looked like before this went down. My parent went NC with my extremely narcissistic grandparent, long before I had the skills to observe and learn from afar. 

My friend was a total nightmare. They were an unrepentant emotional vampire, and masterful at gaslighting and baiting. I was actually far less self aware, and was more naive while also being lonely and desperate for a change of pace in my stagnating life, at the beginning of this rollercoaster. So even when I looked, I didn't fully want to *see* what was going on for a few months. 

We ended up feeding each other's deeply ingrained self hatred and insecurities, ping ponging abuse roles, and it twisted me more and more. I started becoming outwardly sullen and withdrawn, and letting it show, instead of keeping it tightly contained, deep down inside. 

I finally couldn't take their abuse, my pain, good people's pain... I cut off my friend rather abruptly, with zero closure. I haven't actually said a word to them since. Although I did have some fun manipulating them to make a fool out of themselves, later, while I looked like the good person, silently ""ignoring"" it all. 

It caused them some mental anguish. I know it's ridiculous, and the pesky  ""how are you any better, if you do this? Can't you just move on instead of giving them attention?"" question arises... but,  just, uhm, yeah. They thought they had won. After all, I was the one with all the inner agony while we were friends. But I'm past that now. 


To conclude, avoid narcissists at all costs. They have a way of getting the worst out of you, unless you're very solid. And you try to blame them to the ones whose your moods affect, instead of accepting any accountability in the aftermath. 

It's all left me rather disturbed at myself. I no longer have... anger like I used to, but I learned rather uncomfortable things from the self-inflicted ordeal.",4.399354590856703,6.957292939172753,4.70601677551543,80.58690069150981,73.37956204379563,7.829965424510182,27.84741964400051,8.6894789155246,2.3708695863746967,1782,70,310,36,38,560,229,411,0.149,0.737,0.114,-0.9394,2,4,0,0,2,0,81.0,2,8,10,6,15,32,3,5,23,1,24,4,0,9,6,69,51,25,0,7,11,1,1,4,3,0,3,1,0,5,17,20,1,6,11,1,2,4,6,17,0,4,17,6,50,14,51,31,18,46,0,2,4,0,35,25,0,5,20,224,67,2,0.0,0.2203568216169008,0.2722356311109507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311644700446446,0.0,0.0,0.07436438436394431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264733131865823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027005841211966,0.15825595219745853,0.0,0.0,0.08224244657457906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955267498650412,0.09837150660524756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920335382890334,0.08236188793836681,0.0,0.0,0.12283855624695952,0.0,0.0,0.08885630633778742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018664311262196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553244284354525,0.0,0.04858364274874491,0.08920485915574382,0.05284858378842959,0.2339877913816849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265413470283578,0.0,0.0,0.05110508855010642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010343350023476,0.09508897800177914,0.06568186522768345,0.1817216372321283,0.0,0.0,0.08229357231866243,0.2342655318101524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621542992785384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371244542498756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422404518956928,0.09883407224329294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903809244565495,0.0,0.197896670729584,0.0,0.1032548276973156,0.0,0.08876985301054431,0.06446783051186117,0.24358687530479398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417052296143957,0.09890673027144736,0.0,0.0,0.059572027454311664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845515913561207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410130439018042,0.0,0.2910277837051615,0.0,0.0,0.07692261472749058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581907938472423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991720337658207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177868568894832,0.1191689791808524,0.0,0.07382398558772445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631343733731987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031384358204202,0.0,0.15345362733337256,0.05484814358972728,0.07381144629019085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240605345644167,0.0,0.0,0.10693436370961593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lewfy09,2019/01/02,"I have BPD and It's ruining my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years Recently has been very rough for me. Cause of the Holidays, family gatherings etc. It's been alot to handle. I have been mentally abused by my family for almost all my life. My parents never liked me as much as they like my siblings which was fine. I was never really as great as them. I accepted and tried to do better. As time passes nothing really changed just My depression and anxiety got worse and worse. I introverted myself from everything. I refuse to go out, hang out with anyone or be vocal about what I'm feeling. I feel like they'll judge me and possibly end our relationship/friendship. 

Self harm isn't a new thing for me. But I have been clean for almost 3 months until new years eve came. I couldn't handle it anymore and just did it. I was so disappointed at myself and I knew my boyfriend would not like it. My boyfriend doesn't have BPD so he doesn't quite understand my struggles. Which I do not blame him for it. We've been arguing so much for the past months and I knew that I was the cause of the arguments. I am very selfish and didn't think what he would think. I said that I cut again to him and he didn't like it of course. I know I should have said something before doing it. But He was with his family enjoying and didn't want to ruin the holiday for him.

Now I'm just lost. He tries to understand me. He does research about my mental illness but it's just me dragging him down when I know I should let go. He deserves someone better and Would be much happier than he is with me. ",2.1472324389508586,4.31174264797508,3.520038187116871,88.2687639433223,78.90654205607476,7.3818108732790675,22.5043714199578,8.360895534625662,1.3304411817907753,1254,39,262,26,31,410,153,321,0.113,0.782,0.10400000000000001,0.0137,1,0,1,0,1,0,29.0,1,0,3,4,12,21,2,1,7,0,38,2,0,2,3,57,58,26,0,7,10,1,3,5,0,6,2,2,1,1,16,19,0,1,11,2,0,5,11,10,0,0,21,5,50,11,36,27,6,26,0,5,0,0,25,4,0,5,22,181,66,1,0.0,0.11015939750112846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27930113415660635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112512070433688,0.0,0.09220556892338268,0.06500982493805961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911432111390702,0.0,0.0,0.1644565082614082,0.0,0.0,0.23419586976567056,0.0,0.0,0.1063378839176401,0.0,0.19102052994154894,0.09835453079598436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007866853194702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136247729541053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234767488269196,0.0,0.10369097317199398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355934774744117,0.0,0.2629438185465455,0.0,0.09402124646433313,0.06642089182303923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056789275903187,0.0,0.07436007838323129,0.10250454540855404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219253885788954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507256865308357,0.06567053061612126,0.2271128472847165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149248228712014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873925472445141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842247293609298,0.0,0.20504052765685846,0.0,0.14341509564439567,0.1795904067064271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921139314149727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032370091813552,0.0,0.08875453414286573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481460619421132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888966209951547,0.0,0.0,0.11912349441483022,0.0,0.09180095080691296,0.19963930724575624,0.0,0.0,0.17687978914827684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699252050623587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787768622023501,0.07157619436583099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719697401220474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061768024642665925,0.1191484143859186,0.0,0.0,0.05421408921079191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624695675624026,0.0,0.0,0.19357914755563885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534271460930393,0.05483867853570755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949760451150927,0.19813892488490364,0.0,0.0,0.11974486191623768
bpd,Labrabrink,2019/01/02,"New casual relationship, BEEP BEEP here come the feelings A friend I’ve known for a bit recently asked if I would be interested in some casual stuff with him and I said yes, because he’s a really cool dude who is also super hot.

I haven’t been in a real relationship for almost two years now, but I’ve had lots of casual relationships since then and avoiding feelings always feels like a big ordeal. This one I feel would be more embarrassing than any of the other ones because I’ve been friends with this guy, whereas I met the other ones on tinder. 

Tinder guys that I like make it easy to get over feelings for them.  I have terrible taste and they show me that they are mean and selfish on like the first date usually so I’m safe. So it sucks in a weird way that this new dude is really really nice and caring. I sleep over, he makes me coffee, we watch videos or just talk for hours. It feels sooooooo nice and that is when the kill bill sirens go off in the back of my brain. Like “uh oh. Danger danger intimacy ahead danger danger” which might be why I am drawn to dudes I hate. No risk of intimacy. 

Not really asking for advice, just a vent about not being allowed to have feelings/humblebrag about good sex I’m having I guess. Unfair for me to develop feelings when I was explicitly told this was casual when I entered into it. I just wish I could get someone like this to offer me more. Sometimes dating in the current western world feels like being some weird alien who can’t sort through whether I should be feeling anything or not. Ugh. ",4.4344739195231,5.700104740983607,5.2148509687034315,82.36734351713865,70.44262295081967,8.299552906110284,25.33904619970193,8.710501217029153,1.6798196721311471,1226,35,241,21,22,398,175,305,0.16899999999999998,0.628,0.203,0.6558,2,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,3,3,14,35,7,3,14,2,26,4,2,3,1,52,54,18,1,6,11,0,10,6,2,4,0,1,0,2,19,11,1,2,11,6,1,3,6,15,1,5,8,14,26,20,33,35,6,34,0,0,1,1,23,13,1,10,23,156,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484557879784586,0.0,0.0,0.0971912316819636,0.0,0.0,0.0776185769765912,0.08076141442713493,0.0,0.0,0.06600389876835247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987183215863859,0.0,0.1814753645567919,0.0,0.0,0.07463288927134219,0.0,0.1183333386811902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596401313866996,0.0,0.0,0.10835068282670587,0.0,0.0,0.09895879453225556,0.0,0.0,0.08360830493145309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749424263175628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44168653475909664,0.13867888446330434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255889927789023,0.0,0.0,0.14997610884918636,0.0,0.10141933525708137,0.0,0.055161242898353495,0.08140903987970374,0.0,0.0,0.1069221607670027,0.1922086510032519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958263223231902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558421631096696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738213589067072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28451069033497484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251665410949653,0.0,0.0,0.1295761567019896,0.0,0.0,0.10572642639861546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296496362432246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874816535790594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731041755406767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047514490683752,0.24871562042304746,0.0,0.09583470728224587,0.31261726164746856,0.0,0.0,0.09232596540761533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028875574691455,0.0,0.0971297577549398,0.0,0.08223833700432144,0.0,0.09599448794995144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111009215871673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801288010456582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274466684994297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481318687113023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689750567808272,0.0,0.0,0.07704144227954489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758124867607428,0.0,0.11161382175123524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789679882149058,0.0,0.0,0.06250324037728501
bpd,borderlinelove,2019/01/02,"I feel like a clingy crazy bitch...bf leaving for a week Boyfriend/FP is going halfway across the country on a family trip that he is being forced to go on by his mother. That in itself is a whole other conversation in itself.

Anyway, we have been together just over 5 years. Furthest we've ever been from each other is a state away for 2 days. He will be halfway across the country for 6 days. My BPD is in full blown monster mode now. I immediately started crying and having a panic attack. Locked myself in the bathroom for about 10 minutes trying to calm down. Kept telling myself I am fucking crazy and too clingy. He knows all about my BPD and anxiety and knew everything that was happening. I got to the kitchen to take my emergency anxiety meds and just made dinner. I feel like I could puke. I don't want to eat and I want to scream at boyfriend to love me and at the same time to get away from me. I have a few friends around. I will be house sitting for 2 of the days he is gone. I have arranged for my best friend to stay with me the other days.

I don't work, but I do have online classes that I hope to use to keep myself busy.

I need some self-love ideas, distraction techniques, etc to help me get through. Any ideas?",2.425958378970428,4.301591590361447,3.372685286600952,91.04102135815992,76.87148594377508,6.133698430083972,23.36637458926616,6.980632752743323,0.6781228915662649,962,30,204,10,22,307,142,249,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.091,0.2681,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,2,9,13,2,2,14,0,24,5,0,2,2,33,47,8,0,5,3,1,2,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,9,11,3,2,6,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,8,3,28,8,41,33,9,33,0,0,0,2,13,16,1,2,12,139,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433885406424943,0.0,0.1897521737467878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040540445582593,0.0,0.14109232910037334,0.2330445115889962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015288369716851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124014056530516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902105393921064,0.0,0.136231763758606,0.3199343584586488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269049281916331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383167252474412,0.0,0.11218452208889836,0.0,0.0,0.11146250238260699,0.0,0.11691640648760175,0.0,0.12541796568017533,0.17720192923136133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916373637525237,0.1146558527168966,0.12959220099345778,0.0,0.14096852160610554,0.0,0.09919130100217392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967177839727013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312897864467646,0.0,0.0,0.12318130578454327,0.0,0.14310412763118716,0.0,0.28001029263794425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023598305241264,0.0,0.0,0.06815895775276072,0.0,0.0,0.13132083191419044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211812536311646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193422090250643,0.11735211583566214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775989712289066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919603502648855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455124758643096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938144372186586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778303645263287,0.13219038792548995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324871253208528,0.0,0.10840023328710767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231791787189734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420243873116058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711473215241764,0.0,0.0,0.14630215533563695,0.0,0.0994825442460066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138465544798186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028910894736024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986576197904988
bpd,AwayWeGo87,2019/01/02,"Ridiculous Sometimes I’m ridiculous. 
Seriously.
It’s insane the depths my brain will reach to make me worry and get upset. Usually over nothing. 
I’ve felt so out of control for so fucking long. I feel like I’ve deteriorated over the past few years into a mess. So many things have happened to me. Some that are my fault, and some being from people close to me. I give people too much power over my emotions. The hurt and all my insecurities has ruined my ability to function. I’m ruining relationships. I’m ruining my whole life all on my own. I’m my own worst enemy. 
The past year has been the hardest. My mental state is barely hanging on. I’ve done so much talk therapy and dredging up the past on my own that’s opened up so many wounds. Everything hurts. 

But here I am still (rambling to the internet?). 
I haven’t given up just yet. After some serious shit went down a couple months ago that rocked my fucking world (in....the worst way) I found every shred of strength in my body to make some choices and moves to change some big things in my life. I’ve just begun and it’s the hardest thing I’m going to face because right now I feel extremely positive and motivated but those days don’t last and I will have to continuously fight to stay focused. 

But my plan is in action. 

I’m going to flip this fucking shit. I have to realize I’m in control. That My thoughts and extreme over reactions are ridiculous. I’m a good person. I’m a determined person. I won’t let this shit ruin me. I’ve got this. 

I’m going to change everything in my life I don’t like. I’m going to learn to love and accept myself for who I am and embrace it. I’ll learn to love others without obsessing, without jealousy, without questioning. I gotta take the power back. (Yeah, RATM baby!)

I don’t have anyone to talk to really. So this is where my thoughts are going. I feel like I’ve worn out my fp with my bullshit and I need someone to listen. I’m just ready to shut down the ridiculous me and bring out that rational, strong, confident person that’s hiding in there somewhere. 

It’s going to happen because, well, this shit is ridiculous. ",1.864505002632967,4.270959073459721,3.530366508688786,86.4544702474987,81.48815165876778,6.215566087414429,23.595787256450762,7.471455274886353,1.1953578093733546,1667,60,327,26,45,553,194,422,0.179,0.684,0.13699999999999998,-0.8893,2,0,0,1,1,0,58.0,0,0,0,8,18,38,13,3,14,1,26,16,7,5,2,54,71,22,0,1,9,0,4,3,0,4,4,1,0,3,21,20,0,2,13,1,0,11,8,28,1,0,10,5,40,10,53,55,16,62,0,6,0,5,13,30,7,6,21,204,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199704441464189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679123977068312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062453526534340276,0.0,0.09902248699435726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021763022352736,0.0,0.09066890362946106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184097161589754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821913225982016,0.0,0.08986890312291275,0.0,0.05238048272763216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311673801815027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136209464475517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843174739060147,0.0,0.14599143921793994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320252723142795,0.1160478372891744,0.07798438645342518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905405106155258,0.0,0.22526104198848304,0.04243434233495122,0.07791407389792174,0.27695678251135364,0.06812387516952964,0.06495942797650188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364598342542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389638190142875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066205521859054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305343149495271,0.17210525579671465,0.11904065433898264,0.0,0.0,0.07187755841602468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466092870515502,0.0,0.1084305862980026,0.1646896132088265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185112859434744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648294027549105,0.08632450385860656,0.11941277881164107,0.060223947960868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793322967724743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260238128830202,0.11261609195010812,0.2127557397958129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098551245770507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052031911638587,0.0,0.0,0.08720038683575344,0.0,0.06936183598267376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33348657337128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881783905707071,0.0,0.08032911976027111,0.0,0.0,0.08657021227540419,0.0648627707473743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106768400483795,0.13056387137625253,0.0,0.0,0.09288268371486573,0.0,0.1618778100534202,0.0,0.0,0.1289599585259972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945287087906502,0.0,0.0,0.06446902708209827,0.0,0.0,0.07302695501469833,0.0752921876486664,0.0,0.09067975209184652,0.0,0.23488089868928774,0.0,0.0,0.08248332789846981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460663708711372
bpd,__archaeopteryx__,2019/01/02,DAE feel totally useless? I’ve been feeling especially useless. I quit drinking cause I thought it would help but now I feel totally boring And useless...,3.5761111111111106,6.81965540740741,4.523981481481481,74.65041666666669,87.51851851851852,7.1444444444444475,40.083333333333336,8.07648339933343,4.5469333333333335,124,9,18,3,4,40,20,27,0.262,0.63,0.10800000000000001,-0.6578,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,10,6,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874068492739577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694347219891496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5720506827517939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527760608684113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40111429312296815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29939171695668426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678957304804814,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cirquerouge,2019/01/02,Starting 2019 on the wrong foot... I'm so tired of my family not understanding my issues and how easily what they say and do can affect me. The holidays have been nothing but torture trying to put up with everything and now tonight I drove home sobbing my eyes out and can't stop. I don't know what to do and have no one to talk to about this so I'm venting here because I feel like I'm going to burst. How do I make my family understand? Or do I just give up and limit my exposure to them? In this case that would mean finding a new job to top things off...,2.4886911487758923,3.6182609576271183,4.223333333333333,88.13569679849344,75.01694915254237,7.956308851224105,24.128060263653484,8.515128840125781,1.3421777777777772,435,13,98,8,9,147,81,118,0.086,0.7859999999999999,0.128,0.6417,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,2,8,4,1,0,3,0,11,3,2,4,0,25,24,12,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,6,8,0,2,6,1,0,3,4,3,0,1,2,3,13,1,16,21,0,15,0,1,1,0,5,7,1,1,6,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755128762829285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330893399753156,0.0,0.3635780166792702,0.0,0.09750388458693868,0.1377623721023935,0.0,0.0,0.1762489881153027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498625896133225,0.10959337752394864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934306453340925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012711148811583,0.19136038492900104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059778495728176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421013093358843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287198031932612,0.0,0.0,0.21005538587868355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862426094836717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850317392677476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306709442126339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385385701507127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335125564324134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649060576847627,0.0,0.0,0.16121987605687188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499460439614982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811194431901854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163708956173428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309232664308733,0.0,0.0,0.4014990137120356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369854551721741,0.2108363458390169,0.0,0.0
bpd,swimmerboy5817,2019/01/02,"How can I help a friend diagnosed with BPD? One of my good friends recently confided in me that he started going to therapy for BPD. I have had my own struggles with depression and anxiety, so I generally know how to be supportive to those with mental health issues. But I have absolutely no experience with BPD and want to make sure I can support him in the best way. How is it different from depression and anxiety? Are there any things that I should do differently other than just supporting him when he needs it. Sorry if this doesn't fit the sub, I just thought this would be a good place to ask.",6.264162561576357,6.642797879310348,6.945270935960593,74.7839655172414,65.89655172413794,11.800985221674873,33.8128078817734,11.491704259439757,4.012466995073892,478,20,93,15,7,158,81,116,0.14,0.635,0.225,0.9109999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,1,4,0,13,2,0,4,1,23,24,10,0,5,4,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,12,9,15,18,2,9,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,1,3,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873603987925761,0.0,0.19655028224179247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009714967255106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481577322744487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485390363979001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129290953233366,0.13038896268304015,0.0,0.2684365308374815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256631235195135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850301153279526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300944743289749,0.2155001847442889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655196499071584,0.0,0.0,0.08610717807579102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340837668632438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060083749811752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575118239017397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946219874981466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525494460862964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705100297154926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421826541874074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684338959626845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380571005761042,0.09092797331444867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429919335083906,0.0,0.0,0.4373406452897131,0.12107645603758957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691057614006486,0.0,0.08534623601906736,0.0,0.0,0.10198661929393038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577180634087148,0.10196929646106527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125763448871607,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Julie2k3k,2019/01/02,"Stronger than BPD Anybody suffering with BPD and cant afford DBT please consider reading STRONGER THAN BPD by DEBBIE CORSO. She gives you DBT exercises to do! I've barelt reached the middle of the book and if i do say so myself, I feel much better. Doing the exercises has helped. Please don't suffer in silence. Get help. Even if its a book. It does work. ",2.132065217391304,4.799482115942034,3.1650543478260893,87.7327989130435,82.91304347826087,5.7688405797101465,23.11775362318841,7.1686216300943375,1.00941884057971,282,10,54,4,8,90,53,69,0.065,0.6970000000000001,0.237,0.9065,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,6,9,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,7,9,1,2,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,31,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701132225421967,0.0,0.0,0.7267541041656619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832210963324365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704183500093136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725524026120336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049214700018944,0.18451452612910105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257849144559499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413954578030146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222733570368392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239671288771515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296019512579007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002920452461945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,papercurls,2019/01/02,"BPDing real hard on the first day of the year. I'm pretty sure I got ghosted again. I feel really lonely and no one's been answering my calls for some company.  I don't want to reach out to my family cause they are always telling me I'm such a drama queen without understanding how my brains works. I feel just really tired and lonely.  


I feel like I can't deal with myself anymore. I feel like I'm just some awful person no one understands. I can't stand the year to come and I'm already dreading the next 364 days...  


It's just so hard sometimes.",1.6710539018503638,3.7457066283185863,3.349106999195495,89.34800482703139,80.06194690265488,6.586967015285603,20.007240547063557,7.686295010490155,0.6704761061946898,431,11,91,7,11,143,73,113,0.218,0.691,0.091,-0.8934,0,4,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,7,6,0,1,5,1,5,2,1,2,1,24,18,5,1,1,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,3,0,3,2,6,14,3,9,16,2,11,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,2,9,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086934324793387,0.0,0.12883894685691805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535592714513754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285219638167218,0.15810853844687733,0.0,0.0,0.15906291644083806,0.0,0.13338060052897252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997174582369499,0.15963282330704234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459689896539815,0.0,0.3131662062626647,0.22123487499918215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170648027996773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238393688681039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774117267801933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129360958780194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646736657403814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098466335017826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519996178184146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575275338021038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762413576412062,0.19838841871127444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314031854530522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593448569523454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533663073071733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779653364560529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223869579018879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132840479837794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925984397202732,0.0,0.11272506918181778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942324493634744
bpd,earthfall,2019/01/02,"For the first time in years, not only didn't I self harm on new year's eve, but I also wasn't alone! This was kind of a big deal for me. I can't even remember how long ago it is that I did new year's eve with other people. Probably like 7 or 8 years! Actually hanging out and drinking and having fun is a pretty rare thing for me, and that it happened on new year's eve is obviously even rarer. 

Hope you all had a nice time as well. If you didn't though, I hope that the nice times are gonna happen for you in 2019!",2.0581956521739144,2.4903478086956556,3.971032608695655,92.19567934782611,75.26086956521739,7.141304347826088,20.461956521739133,7.1686216300943375,0.14754347826086933,398,7,100,4,8,136,74,115,0.026000000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.255,0.9812,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,6,9,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,2,15,17,10,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,6,0,10,8,12,10,1,24,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,4,18,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.14266663272997035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295943197832446,0.0,0.0,0.15141541745858625,0.0,0.11691323728212485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072210635143934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321685000001635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312273471677646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435461402414033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585620515809319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290412096945283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522410910827196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071424194104258,0.0,0.0,0.12937924558345887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235922875308102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118897766258526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135420107574276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873433427493105,0.15762448516414002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561206302502052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525147673089123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712641610238064,0.0,0.14363725637547936,0.0,0.25574495304460954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314481537112485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707285586628986
bpd,FranScan,2019/01/02,"BPD Hate Does anyone else get really upset/triggered when they see people hating on others with BPD? On the internet (especially on Reddit), people really seem to hate people with BPD, and  won’t listen when one tries to explain about stigma etc. 
In one way, I get it if they’ve had bad experience with a borderline, but it still really gets to me. ",6.445,6.9054066818181825,7.651060606060607,69.59659090909092,65.51515151515152,10.842424242424245,25.59090909090909,10.686352973137794,2.7865272727272727,275,6,47,7,4,94,48,66,0.139,0.861,0.0,-0.8037,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,12,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,2,3,0,11,10,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487173433374336,0.15367550323182247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522969956787855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5666957354413643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125130104240815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529171054267774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672709040773681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467123401811712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350800806927653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442320495815633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326498344744512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31193837969688576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882492178162781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951718472800045,0.1365390639862549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977676996374745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182874144022568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904967576353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,halfpricedcrunchwrap,2019/01/02,"i don’t want to feel like this anymore. my boyfriend of 2.5 years and i are in sort of a long distance relationship right now. we moved to uni together, but he dropped out and i stayed and now we live two hours apart. neither of our cars are reliable enough/my work schedule won’t allow for more than like one visit a month. i told him the day he left i felt like i was being dumped. i’m home for the holidays and next semester is approaching quickly and i have less than a week left. i’ve been with him everyday and it still feels like it’s not enough time because i know how lonely i’ll be when i go back to school. it literally feels like my heart is smashed to pieces when i have to go back and i know it’s ridiculous because being apart isn’t forever but i literally feel like i cannot think about anything but how sad i am and how much this situation is hurting me. it’s embarrassing how much it’s affecting me and i know he’s getting tired of my melodrama. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to stop being a psycho about it. why isn’t anything ever enough for me. ",1.1270480549199071,3.1865890350877213,2.819069412662092,92.50747139588104,81.89473684210526,6.4213577421815415,22.632341723874887,7.586124646067393,0.8379433257055675,852,29,194,14,23,281,118,228,0.12300000000000001,0.768,0.11,-0.7096,0,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,0,1,16,12,2,1,6,0,22,2,1,7,1,39,39,19,0,1,4,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,10,13,0,1,11,1,0,6,9,6,0,2,4,5,28,6,21,30,8,35,0,3,0,0,11,7,0,1,26,124,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162472984144116,0.0,0.0,0.18524703689109653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309633720029974,0.0,0.13722547588856202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258893295602166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34889950341261083,0.0,0.0,0.10181281925263297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276456044570917,0.321638451652963,0.10807085206371976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588055602083965,0.0,0.1279356754688498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337871193876666,0.0,0.0,0.1129022611872005,0.0,0.11084441389797997,0.0,0.12049290260242858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092875700192689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445835813844708,0.0,0.0,0.3299333502436385,0.0,0.09938849596308973,0.09960800277525816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984066058773897,0.1196285963158684,0.16548236564222846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970396366519892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627046400838662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084239594875905,0.0,0.0961217117458298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391209178588865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651700541139788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996909932127968,0.08988690198991213,0.09410136911709352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212096689038205,0.0,0.0,0.06563196922284578,0.12936589510545085,0.0,0.10755152509385413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995028817665016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638810158523584,0.0,0.090285166861829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156375762259448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194168463323659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248199874135293
bpd,GreenThumbSeedling,2019/01/02,"Does anyone else here have severe physical chronic pain? What are your healthy coping mechanisms for flare ups?

Ive got ehlers danlos, fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, thoracic outlet syndrome, the list goes on and on


I feel like BPD symptoms get worse when im in hideous pain.",6.9954081632653065,9.62320236734694,5.803826530612245,75.27063775510206,66.14285714285714,8.16530612244898,34.69897959183673,8.841846274778883,3.3287102040816325,232,11,35,4,4,69,45,49,0.21899999999999997,0.691,0.09,-0.8156,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705050132382158,0.25944383452072106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189094586048121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158600500502199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115246811186061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803071564537602,0.1808934604400032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229191005666624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251537623387925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735105320532981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370574296162623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388671388859195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860555205265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631824127656505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580428874434945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,15oil,2019/01/02,"Advice for new relationship Yo’s so I just started my first relationship ever. I fucked up and I need some advice. 

What should I do when I’m splitting on my partner? In the past, I tried telling her my feelings but I’m not thinking rationally at all and end up hurting her. So like, is there another method to controlling my state at these moments? And what can I do in my relationship to not let these moments destroy it? Should I let them pass before talking to her? ",1.3969202898550712,4.0511238369565294,3.0478260869565226,86.86637681159422,87.80434782608695,5.67536231884058,26.14492753623189,7.1686216300943375,1.5063231884057977,371,17,72,6,12,122,59,92,0.128,0.833,0.039,-0.8508,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,2,16,15,7,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,16,1,11,11,2,18,0,1,0,1,10,7,1,1,10,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484662693692934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869635665357396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517205492095204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997911416729053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792127497802466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128296354517754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901540640814824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166227039385766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648358915263448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908743177974374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646485775953928,0.0,0.08710859282471432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220752331253194,0.0,0.17220368420421528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020795319222715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5742838637683122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620197514284398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331114658878255,0.15584245088354695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142477279306224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105430057037005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,billiebouy,2019/07/08,"How to bring up BPD to someone? Okay so pretty much a couple of months ago my girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue but could barely give me any reasons why apart from that she has never had a relationship work because of her mental health, you can probably imagine how concerned that made me as I thought things were fine for the most part. We are still very close and talk all the time and the other day my friend (who was diagnosed with BPD last year) mentioned that she was showing symptoms of it, I did a lot of research and a lot of the symptoms were things my ex had bought up to me. 
I know it’s not cool to diagnose people but that’s not what I’m trying to do, I just really think it would be worth her doing some research and seeing someone about it because I know things are affecting her hard and I think some parts of it are due to not having any sort idea of what’s going on inside her head.
She’s away on holiday for two weeks and I did drop her home the night before she left but she was drunk and I didn’t want to bring it up, especially since she was going away and I didn’t know how she was going to react to it, also her holiday is a once a year thing with her family and I didn’t want her to have anything to ruin her holiday. I really want to help her because it breaks my heart seeing her struggle like this but I don’t know how or if I should bring it up to her as I know her more than anyone else or have my friend who was actually diagnosed with BPD talk to her about it or if we should even mention it at all and just hope that her psych can help with a diagnosis whether it’s BPD or not. Basically I’m just a big ball of confusion right now and even though I can do my research I don’t know what it’s like to have BPD and I’m not going to pretend I know so if anyone can help me out even a little bit I really would appreciate it.",5.395084948552288,4.296001743718598,6.210473797559228,84.2928056951424,67.99497487437186,9.49050011964585,28.248863364441252,8.563005593585519,1.670948648001915,1466,37,335,19,21,486,170,398,0.055,0.8,0.145,0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,1,0,1,18,12,0,2,15,2,39,9,2,8,3,81,68,34,0,12,20,1,1,2,3,4,6,0,1,0,30,22,1,0,13,7,2,7,11,4,0,1,18,5,54,8,50,44,12,40,0,2,3,0,40,18,0,15,15,246,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.0746137748225635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677770352433572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061144906790197635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039906268623734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069249964563475,0.07834214215528132,0.06291993389643237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367307402892582,0.0,0.0,0.13982762720610806,0.0,0.06506169269653272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347434285523278,0.0,0.4814924622671383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610469610119847,0.0846013591775274,0.0,0.049310271730721104,0.0,0.0,0.23281538579405314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387238559034204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150301053802212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207953283239793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181453661422532,0.0,0.0,0.0733472460636042,0.1738155574003104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849299880729749,0.0,0.07846985497456116,0.08127323498367625,0.0,0.0906052790826782,0.15374825806448472,0.0,0.07669545413385043,0.07594187369739405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631385315347652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941423010275451,0.062324974932351576,0.0,0.0,0.08307384037624645,0.0,0.0,0.07470883182425668,0.076632846859873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000684425548786,0.0,0.0723481497630956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705353563540783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061029515184261925,0.0,0.05620678031873395,0.0,0.05897054256096821,0.0,0.0,0.0717523807383276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142723470867899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655971125182186,0.0,0.053007626181939285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778714555475931,0.08243664000130975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694639499078804,0.07861345035941704,0.0,0.08208925435554824,0.0,0.06529628598178372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185718711244968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632483701411661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295683493972484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610609273570755,0.0,0.0,0.07993242645803758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589421003720926,0.0,0.1229110470259495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318608217528206,0.09798475690506933,0.0751214050423118,0.06070057267670875,0.044584347844892486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191121271533669,0.0,0.07469015407825956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308737590024417,0.1352939847251108,0.0,0.06133147202904252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689931134460598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566367448583308,0.0,0.0,0.10862975384294364,0.0,0.0,0.0984752608414092
bpd,SowGus,2019/07/08,"Should i consult ? Hello, i thought a long time i was bipolar (self-diagnostic) but when i see BPD and narcissism and other shit, i realize i might have a spicy combo of all these 

I'm in a country where mental illness is seen as a weakness of the person like it's their fault and there's no therapists around

Should i consult ?

Symptoms :
Very intense moods between 1 hour and 1 week
High esteem of myself",2.03736990154712,4.645611189873422,3.3675105485232097,86.5534036568214,82.67088607594937,5.536427566807316,26.499296765119553,6.937597516519254,1.4287203938115338,320,14,59,4,9,104,60,79,0.239,0.696,0.065,-0.9405,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,5,0,6,5,1,0,1,12,10,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,9,1,7,4,1,9,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,1,6,40,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332201059641493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31595423415843604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650514283800635,0.0,0.0,0.2470503572210947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225594043194402,0.0,0.0,0.22200661090920146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252811754583376,0.266126898628213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904463546264052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990600709266276,0.0,0.26170570442857793,0.0,0.2575081345604481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607435917176204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29127226240360393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915787323797665,0.14628072693452554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698894686505065,0.0,0.0,0.2012278466780497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ritzcrackerjacks,2019/07/08,"I did something very manipulative for the first time TW/self-harm

I've been feeling extremely lonely lately and my boyfriend, one of my only friends at the moment, has been becoming more and more close with a group of people that I don't really respect. He went to a party with them while I was home and I got jealous and lonely. I wound up self harming for the first time in years. I mostly did it because I felt overwhelmed by my emotions so that part was authentic but I was also mad at him for leaving me alone to be with those people and I wanted him back home. I called him and told him what I had done and he rushed back to take care of me. I got what I wanted but I just felt like absolute shit. I had read about people who did this kind of thing and was always disgusted by their behavior but that night I was just like them. And now that I've opened the door in afraid that I'll keep doing things like that for attention.  I never want to be manipulative like that or in any other way again. Has anyone else struggled with manipulative impulses? How do you work through it?",3.8768119266055048,5.1155078165137615,4.663199541284404,85.89736811926608,71.75229357798165,7.651834862385322,24.634174311926607,8.07648339933343,1.22612752293578,856,24,178,12,16,276,123,218,0.13699999999999998,0.76,0.10300000000000001,-0.8187,0,5,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,3,3,10,18,4,3,6,0,20,2,1,4,1,35,33,17,0,3,6,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,17,15,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,10,0,3,19,3,30,8,26,12,4,25,0,3,0,0,16,8,1,2,18,130,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056446548029416,0.0,0.10081347454255436,0.10489549170459704,0.0,0.0,0.08572796136419022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814700172167735,0.12916764401784608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387113692802893,0.0,0.07684755049212927,0.13922797601788092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872561665300394,0.0,0.12853082730888205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900741872812913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531044132225996,0.14180522817366933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637418342678373,0.0,0.2420827534222127,0.0,0.0,0.21446024430782915,0.0,0.0,0.0973968682524204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016500725395244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252905290685376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205163030625843,0.0,0.13127643812618164,0.0,0.0,0.14220587943908775,0.13348375822223982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463543510193429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722846273410063,0.0,0.0,0.11830268764250865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542434698790738,0.09587748512985116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651521576816178,0.0,0.26219107624075433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609828893155905,0.0,0.08075993803460374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26302485448004,0.0,0.12940306320046774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970503602187416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317896463151338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478457010005416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675028714416407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701806748613835,0.0,0.0,0.1204597207863554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401614620329143,0.2230677484168197,0.1000638736563406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686275244376515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177622021695828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118119499282922
bpd,natlay,2019/07/08,lamictal is making me feel fucking weird my head feels like it’s phasing in and out of fuzziness if that makes sense. the only reason I switched over to it is because lexapro made me gain hella weight. but lamictal makes me feel fucking horrible— anxious and depressed as helllllll. but I would rather feel like this than be fat hahaha oops,5.429523809523811,7.517015444444446,5.619238095238099,77.2174285714286,69.15873015873015,8.214603174603175,33.234920634920634,8.841846274778883,3.0042596825396823,275,13,47,5,5,87,50,63,0.12,0.7170000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,1,0,4,5,2,5,0,17,14,6,0,3,4,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,6,2,7,11,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382871889717237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857898871637044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816709002314707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266036086563059,0.3013722239114077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899967620853028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164716973093695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609631092398384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958399032962335,0.4223857294024976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041929768376578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168678282401023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25685195683886514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983631102863856,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bear327,2019/07/08,"Split that seems to merge? I know that sounds weird, bear with me. 
Has anyone experienced a situation where you enter that panic mode with someone, resulting in a split, but once you've calmed down and the episode ends....   everything you were thinking/feeling during the split is still there?

This is happening to me right now and I'm not sure if it just a case of the split not concluding, or if it's starting to warp my view of things even more.

I'm not sure on the views of that here, but it feels like who I am when I split is a completely different person... Or normally it does.

I just had a blow up with my parents, trying to get them to understand what's going on. We spoke about my past, the neglect/abuse via the sperm donor, the issues with my step dad & brother, etc.
Then my mom uttered the words ""I didn't see it""

I lost it.

I know the split started when she said that. She's a CAS  worker, has all this special training to care for those with high level issues, has been in the field for 13 years, has helped a multitude of kidd with their health issues.... And she doesnt see mine?

Now that I've calmed down (kinda) that resentment hasn't gone away. I know there was no way for her to have seen the majority of what I went through.... But I keep blaming her. I adore my mom, she's my best friend and I would take a bullet for her... But this split isn't going away.

Sorry for the length, but does anyone have any input or advice?",2.67069634703196,4.2598084897260335,3.3796575342465762,92.50227168949776,75.40410958904108,6.6474885844748846,21.413242009132414,7.333567415737692,0.4427598173515976,1117,27,248,13,24,352,160,292,0.065,0.8079999999999999,0.128,0.9717,2,0,0,0,1,0,54.0,1,2,2,4,13,14,1,1,20,0,19,1,0,2,3,42,44,17,0,4,15,5,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,1,21,11,0,1,7,0,0,6,8,4,0,0,11,10,34,10,34,32,5,31,0,1,5,0,23,13,0,7,12,163,55,1,0.0,0.13837087247893515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412073949665735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653626488045686,0.0,0.07941765797182285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633172729778228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194462981378204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255842596146566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119069870782161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244662430238452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201524310695705,0.0,0.0,0.20439830329134065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343665523418516,0.0,0.13024590503821235,0.07713524853564548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495863370590547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180997917557919,0.08343107316185856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022763456997876,0.0,0.06101522962639357,0.0,0.1327429683260642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327239897379634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413676449396632,0.0,0.0,0.0782783791266661,0.1233895364290079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656789191725961,0.0,0.10380368212704004,0.0,0.0,0.1925455896187904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057055146529172825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748438755738314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735538555614839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442429275119388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437198372202632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702178156252035,0.1296756822984042,0.0,0.11148429098555993,0.0,0.10197196895781456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099733567599215,0.11108907321359683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861247056489582,0.10631648139914787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127099052306798,0.0,0.0,0.0989513686653957,0.0,0.0,0.13073100459244888,0.16532174267893995,0.0,0.09326447951322342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201365540206502,0.0,0.08780762366707509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758662134130223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928920251217067,0.0,0.0,0.12157707898106415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269832580778548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082606649631766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829605599712346,0.0,0.0,0.07520557208044684
bpd,smoresby,2019/07/08,"DAE lose it over the smallest things? for example, i just was trying to fit a table in my car and one of the legs scratched up the top of my car and took some paint off. i can’t stop beating myself up over it and i feel like i ruined my car. i can’t shake the feeling even though i know it’s silly and small.",0.5660869565217403,1.9076142318840608,2.4051449275362344,98.30163043478264,80.59420289855072,5.179710144927537,18.746376811594203,5.46131890053228,-0.5753884057971019,238,5,60,1,6,79,47,69,0.179,0.6890000000000001,0.132,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,5,0,3,1,1,0,0,10,7,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,3,0,1,2,3,10,2,10,5,1,15,0,2,0,0,0,9,0,1,2,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332021778122899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570498463345377,0.25223627755047456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404034549567128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249421864316386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39499971460421657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392522141510646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951858390875349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456680842258426,0.0,0.3468936068129755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922784251874469,0.23971420399706314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thrwwy901114,2019/07/08,"How not to crave attention Throwaway because of reasons. I feel like I need to at least get this out of my chest and if possible get some guidance.

I got a diagnosis 7 years ago. Back then I was super unaware and self destructive. Broke up with toxic boyfriend, had a phase of sleeping around, met the most amazing guy. By that time I got fairly good at controlling my bad behaviors caused by BPD. And we started a relationship. This was 3 years ago. He is now my everything and I love him more than anything. We have a great relationship. This is the summary.

Now the problem. I mentioned sleeping around before I met him. This was mostly because I craved attention and approval and it was easy to get that in a sexual way. I bonded with people through sex. Even used it as an ice breaker. I'm not ashamed of that, I'm all for sexual freedom. But now we are in a monogamous relationship. I don't want anyone but him, I don't have any feelings for anyone. But sometimes I get this feeling.. it's hard to even type it. A feeling of wanting to have sex with random men. In the past, whenever I felt bad about myself, got bored or felt dreadful and empty I found a temporary answer in casual sex. It's been 3 years and I still get that feeling. I don't even feel attracted to other people. It doesn't even matter who it is. I just feel the need to gain the approval of a random person. All new person to discover. A whole new person that I can idolize, demonize, get some affection and approval from, and then forget forever. It also feeds my impulsivity and love of taking big risks. It's the favorite drug of my BPD.

And I hate this feeling. I would never act on it, but even feeling that way makes me feel like the worst person ever. DAE experience this and what helps?",2.2158709574127404,4.632081466858793,3.77781219980788,85.14547590457893,80.15273775216139,6.737399935959015,25.200848543067565,7.8897218956490685,1.6329910983029141,1387,54,267,25,36,459,175,347,0.122,0.7040000000000001,0.174,0.9612,0,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,3,0,0,6,17,21,2,3,19,0,19,10,3,7,4,72,56,24,0,7,9,0,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,7,26,22,1,1,17,1,0,1,7,11,0,0,14,13,34,10,39,41,10,34,1,1,0,5,24,12,0,8,21,185,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445486341700927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520211994553822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544541386870814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401990468387932,0.0,0.06709492731679507,0.14516377798379942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269404551979506,0.1361537357900457,0.09940383916821724,0.0,0.06937880052078436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537657787482266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837571191637238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144648594025127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455269850533857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692597520592915,0.07375150309895967,0.0,0.0,0.07327683834472683,0.07975517497484358,0.0,0.0,0.4122566692933308,0.11649475693707717,0.15656943476061386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939701311991106,0.0,0.0,0.2555865845449588,0.0,0.0,0.0683862316167995,0.1956287928237011,0.08989070889118256,0.0,0.08073074775039837,0.0,0.0,0.07303778774226476,0.08049721607162158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465002668788759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966606655089614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471739039584994,0.0,0.05442408531860219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091176093200615,0.062883477809637,0.15749066448276092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783272399882356,0.1130497953722332,0.28476679702033353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191650199895947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801632016475996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382977240042265,0.0,0.2626086303686204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505697372441128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318428814608724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063848064762777,0.0,0.05770966229942265,0.0,0.06511256813560293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130286587872045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047542700585853366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041856000441106,0.0,0.0,0.09618086044053732,0.1294346161951178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102897499701633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057918889826956026,0.0,0.0,0.15751424213665824
bpd,creativedabbler,2019/07/08,"What every borderline needs to hear. Hey fellow BPD’ers, I’ve got a message for you. And this might be really controversial and I’m sure I’m going to get a lot of people telling me I’m wrong and how horrible it is that I’m saying these things, but I don’t care. 

It’s time to cut the bullshit. You don’t need DBT, you don’t need therapy, you don’t need anything but what I’m about to tell you. 

Here we go.

First of all, you’re not crazy. Every feeling you have, every vibe you get about people, every emotion you experience is real. And it’s *true*. How fucking great does it feel to realize that?? And why is it true? Well, I believe it’s actually because borderlines are in tune with a deeper reality of life, but I won’t go into that now. For all intents and purposes, your feelings are true because you’re experiencing them! It’s not rocket science! It doesn’t matter if other people tell you you’re wrong, or that you’re overreacting, or that you’re not acting appropriately, the fact that you are experiencing these feelings means that they are true and right. And that’s the first thing you need to become comfortable with—acknowledging and validating YOUR reality yourself. 

And you know how you do that? By refusing to let people treat you in some way that makes you unhappy, even if the other person doesn’t see it that way at all and tells you you’re crazy or acts like they don’t understand or whatever. 

So how do you go about doing this? All you need to do is realize that in every second of every moment of every day, you have the power to accept or reject someone else’s treatment towards you, regardless of how irrational it may seem.

You need to get used to and practice the concept of *honoring yourself and your feelings.* Every last little one of them. Don’t let anyone tell you that a borderline doesn’t have a “self”. Oh we do. We do or else we wouldn’t have emotions now would we??

But here’s the thing—because we live in a “society”, you have to be extremely diplomatic about it and keep your cool. 

For example, say that you have a close friend that you always make plans to hang out with, but they flake on you every time. Every single time. As a borderline, your initial reaction might be to want to lash out at them and demand to know why they’re doing this to you. 

And you know why you’re reacting that way? Because you are subconsciously believing that *they* have control. They have the power.

 Now, this is probably going to be the most controversial thing I say, but I think in order for a borderline to heal, you need to think of your life this way—because it’s already what “normal” people think anyway:

You need to live your life with the idea that YOU are the king/queen, and the people in your life are your subjects. Good kings/queens love their kingdom and show their love to it by being a good ruler. And more often than not, the kingdom responds by showing love to and worshipping their king. But rulers also have the power to get rid of people or things that are bad for the kingdom. 

And this is how you should live your life. So if we’re talking about the friend scenario I mentioned, what you need to do is let them know in a neutral, calm, rational way that you love them and want to spend time with them, and it makes you sad when they flake out on you. See what they say.

If they react negatively and deflect or get angry or give you the run around to you saying this, that’s your cue to gently remove them from your life. Don’t mess around. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life. You can accomplish this by either not contacting them again, or telling them that this isn’t working for you and so you need to say good bye. But do it with confidence and don’t look back. 

However, if they apologize, express regret, give you a plausible excuse and say they’ll change, give them the benefit of the doubt—once. 

If they actually change, then great! They really are your friend. 

If not, then remove them from your life. Easy as pie.

See how this works?

Practice asserting your feelings in everything you do, in a respectful, rational way. But don’t expect that people will automatically change. Be grateful if they do, and if they don’t, then remove them from your life. You can at least breathe easy knowing that you were honoring *your reality*. When you express your feelings, don’t even expect anyone to say anything. Just express them and let them go. 

Now, there are going to be times where your feelings and perceptions are flat out wrong. But that’s okay if they are. Because again, by expressing your feelings you are honoring your reality in any given moment. But the secret is to do it in a respectful, neutral way. 

There’s one last thing you need to remember—compromise. But here’s the thing about compromise—in close, loving relationships, plan on giving other people what they need, which is something most borderlines are SO good at doing—feeding their energy to other people, BUT, you have every right to anticipate that they’re going to give you what you need too.

And if you have given of yourself but you’re repeatedly not getting what you need in return? Remove them from your life. Simple as that. 

Live your life knowing that people will come along whom you absolutely click with, but there will also be people that won’t. 

But that one’s that don’t click with you are not your problem, and you’re not obligated to continue having them in your life if it brings you down. And that even goes for family. 


You’ve got this friends!!",3.753502824858757,5.7648616760828695,4.445333333333334,84.20884745762713,73.48210922787193,7.620188323917137,24.606026365348395,8.413175857391401,1.5754270433145017,4348,136,840,77,90,1389,321,1062,0.053,0.7809999999999999,0.165,0.9992,4,0,1,0,0,0,135.0,6,84,36,15,45,48,2,0,35,2,92,20,1,15,10,197,178,92,0,39,49,0,9,1,5,12,13,9,0,2,83,57,0,3,27,2,1,18,30,11,1,6,5,27,133,37,114,149,12,88,1,3,6,6,175,36,1,31,29,595,216,3,0.0,0.0,0.06870793927676422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884842593682292,0.05630516017739216,0.029292500278921545,0.0,0.0,0.023939888086361532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923083023986957,0.0,0.057939690194400574,0.0626779449668226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027069658763467352,0.029393821507691063,0.12875997953645982,0.0388799886445332,0.0,0.07932557581929962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433813319101234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03589276558613475,0.0,0.1117233098278434,0.030325079283181525,0.0,0.0,0.03948421495210777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022703630555162467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030807207306295763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881675335471944,0.07919939395541631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975561599079917,0.0,0.3262692386755934,0.0,0.03163903354476014,0.034436210860056535,0.03318714390689355,0.0,0.16020153973776455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988891099243835,0.0,0.0,0.10879391455581792,0.03254547756124156,0.11035564176453784,0.16885414726169393,0.16005769432812553,0.11810958687626615,0.0563116174977585,0.07762494174736888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039677401728409535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974096603017074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031290881606648155,0.0,0.03665948877246626,0.11608299677212296,0.057391823470415076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399366533559552,0.2983870282011795,0.01719886807974079,0.03528359878035205,0.12434290473157085,0.0,0.029562445350312883,0.0,0.0,0.029929132998269707,0.15886466274480568,0.0,0.0704967149211913,0.0,0.0,0.03834741375864595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469163949340729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176524365952321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034492389133365636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037491049817163835,0.07156530754487052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292871773576002,0.030738724701024837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037955804198755216,0.033685418564585436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040069793675012025,0.045105094012360535,0.0,0.0,0.037795859524254016,0.0,0.060127949067092776,0.0,0.2239647043929868,0.0,0.0,0.08415895287904263,0.03204834707332177,0.036725389709394984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029828186228840287,0.02710171483616142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03317929917324836,0.0,0.0,0.0282955954700896,0.1846187844657148,0.0,0.0402587762888615,0.0,0.1637155458296294,0.06767179461994723,0.0,0.0,0.10263850983634508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036648545663560926,0.0,0.03040490327478214,0.0,0.0,0.0415283947640604,0.19560275656745976,0.0,0.0,0.03165257212010288,0.0,0.09529824741690876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051257778816166194,0.0,0.0,0.025007870692911785,0.11546995410894945,0.0,0.0
bpd,pajamaman621,2019/07/08,"Thank you all for posting about your BPD... Reading all of your posts and replies about how you all think and feel has really helped me understand  my previous relationship with a woman with BPD. The pieces are coming together and it's helping me approach my past experience and healing from it from a position of empathy rather than just mind boggling confusion, anger, and sadness. 

​

I really appreciate those of you who open up on this subreddit and talk through your problems, perceptions, and reactions. It's helped me so much more than the therapy I've had. 

​

Again, thank you. That is all.",7.871785714285713,9.23081900925926,7.143809523809527,71.32500000000002,62.61111111111111,11.726984126984124,38.57671957671958,11.491704259439757,4.9419719576719565,495,25,81,15,7,153,74,108,0.099,0.812,0.08800000000000001,-0.3197,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,7,0,0,7,6,1,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,4,25,10,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,13,2,15,9,7,9,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,1,2,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31764744105476,0.3562312486925577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692348744784008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626915069287142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338729530681,0.0,0.0,0.07411728304879278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947565290036487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800807015822814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077561182271866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993102998110052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807739362933362,0.0,0.0,0.14026110709108894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466236841167376,0.0,0.18781094880835408,0.0,0.0,0.15737637607699387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178186798785652,0.0,0.26990973623506376,0.1676315976772453,0.0,0.0,0.0939251189060336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259913063552116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562312486925577,0.0
bpd,3betpush,2019/07/08,"Do you tell people you have BPD? I was recently diagnosed w/ BPD & I feel it explains a lot of my interpersonal behavior. I haven’t told anyone in my life yet, and don’t know if I should tell people/who I should tell.

I see 3 arguments here: 

Don’t tell anyone. With meditation and therapy you might be able to appear “normal” & if you understand your symptoms you should be better able to manage them. The concern is lack of support & this is probably the most likely solution to lead to self-harm.

Don’t tell anyone except select people who are “stuck” with you (super close friends & family). They will have more empathy for you, and better understand & support you. The concern is it seems to put the burden on others to manage your symptoms, rather than yourself. I imagine im way more likely to play the victim card & not have incentive to get better (i.e. it’s not my fault our relationship isn’t working, i have BPD you should be more sensitive) 

Or tell lots of people. Family, close friends, new friends, old friends you split from irrationally. The benefit is you will only attract people who have empathy for your condition. You also give people “fair warning” & are much less likely to damage other people. The downside is it really limits capacity to meet new people, and the oversharing might be a turn off.

Who do you tell? Your family? Close friends? People you have budding relationships with? People you’ve “irrationally” split from in the past? Do you just trust your gut?

Thanks :)",5.168973607038122,7.155830551971331,5.808238840013037,76.00811583577716,69.64516129032259,8.943695014662756,27.7355816226784,9.457814108942452,2.6794860215053755,1200,42,204,27,22,389,136,279,0.086,0.737,0.177,0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,20,2,7,5,23,1,0,11,0,34,5,1,1,0,39,50,8,0,9,8,0,1,3,6,8,4,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,7,1,0,3,7,4,0,0,3,2,34,19,26,35,9,17,0,1,1,0,45,7,0,10,9,138,44,4,0.12939201639645473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173737438209846,0.0,0.4906866849715085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571085956794998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165508535797586,0.0,0.0,0.2444470726036035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566508648092684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829689161960276,0.0,0.032712245642567576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24991987724281625,0.0,0.03380099405430776,0.062062306227882676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988279074483153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035555234158962765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569670387867581,0.09482160505215904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100044652379721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726448174584074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475590100438078,0.0,0.0,0.12496761572838452,0.0,0.0,0.06338835177108684,0.0,0.0,0.0678875775640603,0.0,0.0,0.04920422954853454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175966033112443,0.4036685948777791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975323915668775,0.0,0.0,0.0650373573965858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144591948775322,0.0,0.06387950311116518,0.13891860199944475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051554342313568965,0.05889681605152922,0.0674920462258576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683252684193004,0.0,0.13448784835413838,0.0,0.0,0.39583013930069,0.05956339216609911,0.07398552368769576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181980831992865,0.0,0.0,0.07037067899324725,0.0,0.1347016523232562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051352679956445824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709946449404832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tripadelicyouth,2019/07/08,"i feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for having borderline personality disorder I'm going through an episode right now. I am thankful that I can finally be aware of when and why it's happening, but these intense feelings don't get any better.

just these past couple of days, I was doing great. I finally learned why I am the way I am, everything is making so much sense, I was excited & relieved I finally have answers. I had that light-bulb over my head and felt I can finally breathe. now I feel so fucking ashamed that I have this. I am so ashamed my development was stunted because of traumatic childhood abuse and neglect, that I can't handle emotions like ""normal people"" and that I display behavior like a child. I am 20 years old. I feel so embarrassed that I have displayed clear symptoms of BPD for *many*, *many* years. I never listened to my brother when he said I have an addictive personality -- and that involves with people, too.

I overshare, a lot. Waaaay too much. I love certain people so deeply that I cling onto them and idealize them, then hate them and feel hurt by them because they didn't answer a fucking text message: I shut them out, block and unblock, delete their number, make a mental note that they don't care about me and never did, they hate me, etc. etc. It feels too real. I fear abandonment and rejection so much which in turn is the reason why my relationships fail so quickly. It hurts me so bad that I think my close friend is going to leave me and not want to be in my life anymore because I have this disorder and they don't understand what it is like. It pains me that I care for them so much, yet they don't know that I can split on them within the hour. 

I feel so disappointed that I have done many risky things that I cannot take back. I still do. I lack self control with some substances. I feel like a failure because I seriously have no idea of what I want to do with my life, and it constantly gives me so much anxiety. I am not stable. I am the cause for my unstable relationships. It's me. I am the problem, not anyone else. Yes, I am so relieved I know what's wrong with me. Now I know it isn't just me overreacting, just depression, bipolar disorder, or anxiety. It finally makes sense. but I am ashamed.",3.9672340990572295,5.500884162528219,4.887407382817688,83.22910868410573,71.93453724604966,8.281742132518923,29.959434338069315,8.841846274778883,2.3861587305802683,1776,75,352,34,34,578,202,443,0.315,0.61,0.075,-0.9991,0,0,0,0,1,1,63.0,0,0,13,4,29,40,4,7,12,1,44,11,2,6,4,69,81,33,0,6,9,1,9,4,1,0,6,2,0,4,32,20,0,4,19,0,0,2,14,24,0,0,9,11,76,16,28,70,10,38,0,8,0,3,28,10,2,3,29,254,108,2,0.0,0.08366300558915417,0.0,0.07697688824433112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650746176754772,0.0,0.04801819807695182,0.0,0.10803511104815627,0.0,0.07002757098511803,0.04937315808292343,0.07234976099843385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429583595756999,0.05895759989784442,0.17217630479201004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245007726057158,0.0,0.0,0.0889326321930973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398613069761956,0.07253739593110653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630587750552943,0.07919673006171551,0.0,0.07813021125340948,0.0,0.04553853489752957,0.0,0.06081752664716305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427804705827029,0.0,0.0,0.07226001513750194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898679439606731,0.07942836183708568,0.0,0.0,0.15750083360694672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346100592596865,0.0,0.0,0.07945749702443274,0.28562611077694633,0.05044482422637261,0.0677980522332668,0.3867568852248525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054554220552981404,0.1305582701478872,0.03689156110534467,0.06773692391608085,0.08026021302044686,0.0,0.0,0.07784935783932292,0.0,0.0,0.06244145995296374,0.0,0.0,0.13942834929948286,0.07246770507932225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695380411990288,0.0,0.151182006033611,0.0797117167683544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641859628294378,0.0,0.0,0.07476731559195643,0.0,0.0,0.0997498914229808,0.13798872428695202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003131808293977,0.06372957814664218,0.0,0.14140104618069047,0.21476674062077167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115971983835069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25953765181015903,0.0,0.10891978551664867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918421538055636,0.0,0.0,0.07409482431121499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513554673659505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740660583207422,0.1468592374365817,0.12331036519486355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756560828957195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037127335968874,0.0,0.0726003168702305,0.0,0.15162051406232022,0.0,0.06030178081553729,0.06716764581055876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366312787918287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639038426943663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733923189878895,0.053091012422048604,0.0,0.0,0.06500952363136811,0.0,0.0,0.04691110071528337,0.04524495723846824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680496614782599,0.0,0.07350899547051902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329690925892602,0.056048071470696514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114751515728454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720252086306177,0.0,0.09094289982539222
bpd,Fukyouronnie,2019/07/08,"Convinced my Mother is going to abandon me to the point i have started looking for confirmation biases to confirm this paranoid belief. It's really causing me stress and i fear Abandonment is imminent. One Criterion i never really met was the fear of Abandonment, however my recent behavior suggests i do meet this criterion and that it is fresh.

This all started when my Mother announced that we go on a holiday to Europe in 2020, sounds fun? well i overheard my Mother talking to my Sister about how she was going to go on holiday in a year, she didn't mention me at all, now i am obsessing that is a sign that she will just disappear without me one morning and never come back. This is really making me think in distorted ways, i love my Mother more than anything and am virtually so connected to her that she is the only person i feel high Empathy for. I asked her if she would ever leave me and she said ''I would never leave you'', ''I love you and would never do that'', and my mind was just saying ''No, you will leave me and i need to see it coming''.

This has really been a pattern for the last two weeks, i've been dealing with this stress related Paranoid ideation where i am just having paranoid beliefs but i don't know if it is unwarranted, i keep thinking ''What if, what if she leaves me'', this is a huge fear and my Paranoia is making me really worried. I also have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and don't know if this is a form of ROCD also, i'd assume not since it is family but this does not really feel like some intrusive thought, instead it feels more like a belief that i am convinced is soon to occur. Any advice? have any of you dealt with this before??",5.354154652686763,6.016292602446484,6.613132372214942,75.38412844036698,67.92966360856269,9.89829619921363,30.86194844910441,9.957137785484203,3.0669526430755787,1319,50,242,30,21,447,158,327,0.149,0.784,0.067,-0.9679,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,4,0,0,16,18,0,7,11,0,36,2,0,4,7,62,63,22,0,9,13,5,3,2,0,5,0,3,0,1,25,15,0,4,12,2,0,7,11,10,1,3,9,8,48,8,26,49,6,33,3,3,2,2,31,10,0,7,17,194,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908795963117147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581345256077627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399423870896265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502319717171793,0.0,0.0852294337627828,0.0,0.0,0.07010228532354144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757694417689874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365427636408204,0.0,0.15706569328739522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939898304727554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044860102658844,0.0,0.07978141340747384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824663470097953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859447343449438,0.3077668128281925,0.1382912894728208,0.13026035601612407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072506760070664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632361382146838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103398456484386,0.0,0.0,0.1002066979865732,0.07431379204512026,0.0,0.3861334555820088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907980465532125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765578538288076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456470342499496,0.0,0.1217102111004396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205332428375937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759964757060577,0.2812564074944494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355510038292268,0.06933709602344325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796040640298422,0.0,0.0,0.08618288484242295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504259360225465,0.0,0.0900170428800184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672129985809499,0.07250016405336424,0.0,0.0,0.07264880308501566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541481133309888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905784525141212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886444006100052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327709316087626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168330810584129,0.0,0.07237692016423315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905753406261895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236462665651637,0.07312917916348059,0.0,0.0819706543542407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788234863413501,0.0,0.0,0.09258516064091844,0.0,0.1942886205512156,0.0,0.0,0.058708969106691135
bpd,BloomBloomFruit,2019/07/08,Am i transgender or is it all a lack of self identity? Sometimes i feel like i want to be female and other times i just want to change my look how do i know what i want to become of myself?,0.19285714285714306,1.8208418571428595,2.833571428571432,93.44892857142858,82.80952380952381,6.104761904761905,17.642857142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.0034571428571430482,146,3,35,2,4,51,32,42,0.059000000000000004,0.768,0.17300000000000001,0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,10,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,5,9,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512159403429292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364113407041656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079489842390918,0.22718568314157697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747694220536548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536312730660973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26704745563259025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331752727583662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31451901862545395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854335970987356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5627098178194555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wykan,2019/07/08,"Is there a secret subreddit or something for people with BPD? i have no social media and i find reddit toxic, but i do enjoy talking with people with bpd since obviously y'all can relate to the struggle. wondering if there's some secret subreddit for peeps with bdp i could be invited to",2.366207792207792,5.235822763636367,4.423376623376623,77.34363636363638,85.0,6.779220779220778,22.402597402597397,7.957251820313856,1.8845324675324682,232,8,37,5,7,79,42,55,0.084,0.836,0.08,0.1901,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,15,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6510057337528375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634757946085264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23621436476320365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35834692421336256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137886615012908,0.0,0.0,0.26345248418366235,0.0,0.198963854396692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701831908849747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077285799519536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802729539695707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lnitko01,2019/07/08,"Self inflicted mood but taking it out on others? I recently realised that I lash out at other people, especially my FP, during times in which my negative mood is completely self inflicted. For example, I just put myself into a depressive state (for context: I had plans to FaceTime my FP and as I was getting ready, I looked in the mirror and just HATED the way I looked so I told them I can’t call) and when I vaguely/bluntly said what just happened they didn’t ask for me to elaborate and they didn’t say anything positive, just straight up moved on to something else. Maybe this is what angered/upset me? Though initially the depressive state was self inflicted by accident and I just ended up lashing out on them. DAE experience something like this? And does anybody have any advice? Sorry if I didn’t explain too well, if any questions then I’ll be happy to elaborate",5.966181818181816,7.064626709090909,6.565454545454546,74.70818181818184,66.75757575757575,9.87878787878788,34.39393939393939,10.018931242160765,3.6465757575757567,697,32,120,16,11,228,104,165,0.141,0.74,0.11900000000000001,-0.7059,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,1,10,8,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,0,0,20,21,14,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,9,10,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,8,4,22,3,21,12,0,23,0,2,2,0,14,13,0,3,6,88,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743352880851404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052006605659336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415745906984645,0.0,0.14104797359846488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540604789185346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581898083662495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25989722942090754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320319306973906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260368949636801,0.0,0.133630671835703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475849258438481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882608064544205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341846781209762,0.16060948808468387,0.0,0.1489580540487027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371001648415691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533943889772996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157444776712428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035649260508605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459788767271756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167127839118524,0.16901478726702596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897108812069804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435168940210704,0.11998203876075365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721873093593824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323022466432553,0.0,0.16889246789634885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343939647276875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482341476575999,0.0,0.08797656004883221,0.0,0.0,0.1441677480929418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975773508621075,0.0,0.0,0.13565495135618902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skydiver89,2019/07/08,"Ex best friend with bpd sent me an email basically saying thanks for walking about of her life and that she's doing much better. I dont really believe all she told me in the email. I had blocked her number. I moved across the country to be happier. She was drinking all the time, lying about being raped (this really pisses me the fuck off) and dating guys who treated her like shit. I couldn't take it anymore. I wished her the best of luck in life. 

Havent heard from her until today. An email that she is married now, has kids, sponsored by MMJ companies,owns property in different countries, has her own dance studio and massage, is off her meds, gonna be on Hulu and crave TV. I didnt believe one word she told me. I cant...when she lied sooo fucking much over the most ridiculous shit. She said at the end of the email that all her friends told her I was selfish. Well yeah I don't want that shit in my life so if that makes me selfish than so be it. 

I just needed a place to vent. I called her after I read the email and she didnt pick up. I left her a message saying the way she was treating herself got me down, I dont wish any ill will against her and that I dont wish to hear from her anymore. 

I just needed to vent quickly.  Thank you.",1.8685793731041471,3.6451966937984537,2.9173407482305365,94.1260920121335,78.18604651162791,5.572227839568588,22.0701044826424,6.280692351149826,0.20814472531176345,969,28,215,7,23,309,145,258,0.157,0.703,0.141,-0.68,1,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,3,10,22,8,0,14,1,22,12,4,2,3,26,43,10,0,8,3,1,0,1,2,2,4,5,1,2,10,7,1,1,0,4,0,4,8,10,1,1,13,5,47,12,30,23,9,27,0,0,0,3,46,14,6,3,9,148,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852827323987501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998770762327424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270705992879007,0.21150755428008589,0.08912445967892141,0.0,0.0,0.12691854261384952,0.0,0.1028992651941594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528507302532096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543113643252496,0.0987179905953524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925389584545426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571207092994,0.1863237932435923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059640664452697,0.0,0.0,0.09977991604137026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357713190989208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948884537302513,0.0,0.21353428769215765,0.04923200672172275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726595275084271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193474201514264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710446555797944,0.14815772212676204,0.1494420117538212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828557332486039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528507302532096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079906090700737,0.0,0.12911397897261725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585704939632976,0.1602755451838775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103223848543304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757678453491585,0.0,0.0,0.1855542513888229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058760841501224,0.0,0.09551987458038383,0.28887529327955996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594378130202331,0.07998795686078672,0.0,0.0,0.0906059419812821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34764775795256897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,overly_emoti0nal,2019/07/08,obsessed. again My old fp from like 4 months ago who ghosted me has a new girlfriend and I'm obsessed again!! I haven't had another fp since I got over him and thought I was getting better but APPARENTLY not. I hate myself,1.4913333333333334,3.9084710222222254,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,83.22222222222223,5.377777777777778,26.777777777777786,6.742157984588678,1.1795777777777778,176,8,36,2,5,57,37,45,0.063,0.745,0.193,0.7637,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,8,2,2,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991744575748246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538994442631545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984923920709251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633045153200255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699305476668782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33321257018827755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488604257192993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939024458281524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259607701604786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541507443849571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791844872165557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679382602061429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dumbassjuice,2019/07/08,"I feel like I’m unable to be loved. I make it so difficult for people who are interested in me. My feelings for people change dramatically within days, from being interested to uninterested, I act out aggressively, my attitude and personality seem to change so much. How can anyone fall in love with someone who switches personality traits with the weather?

I don’t want to be seen as unstable or “psycho” to those I’m interested in but my scars are obvious and I’m quick to self destruct (with drugs, alcohol, SH). I feel like I’d just be a liability. I don’t feel like anyone could possibly put up with how unfamiliar I am with my own sense of self, while not even seeing me as the same person from day to day.",6.444565217391304,6.514686753623196,8.23894927536232,66.71755434782611,65.52173913043478,11.537681159420293,32.46739130434783,11.20814326018867,3.690939130434783,564,21,107,16,8,200,85,138,0.087,0.773,0.141,0.6888,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,3,0,11,4,0,3,1,24,25,11,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,8,1,0,5,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,6,13,8,25,19,3,14,0,0,2,2,9,6,0,2,8,72,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628362888734515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450560178833765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30940019494294496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675890496009447,0.0,0.0,0.28293365804565146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958930602648895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658862246014377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957687027675908,0.31341672892976136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433306220441312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26397046971770805,0.0,0.09761480112370406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750153672775936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276561797473333,0.38306736018225096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648610355156157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700928085772444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653251441929885,0.13312931089354998,0.30511563127564845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390672969076764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862547850721593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LilaacWine,2019/07/08,"Is it still better to be in the same room with your FP after a fight than to be without them at all? Like I just had a fight a FP. He’s across the room from me. I’m sobbing in bed, and the first time ever he doesn’t care, or is he comforting me. It hurts, but I feel it’ll hurt even more if he’s not here at all.

Has anyone felt this way before?",0.6619166666666665,1.236662025000001,2.7375000000000007,99.18416666666668,78.75,5.833333333333334,17.083333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.8604166666666666,262,3,72,1,6,89,58,80,0.153,0.753,0.094,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,1,1,2,5,9,2,0,6,0,8,0,0,0,3,14,12,4,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,2,6,4,12,7,4,13,0,3,0,0,8,7,1,2,6,50,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189952710129708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311647465591093,0.0,0.0,0.2402633715172069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27697798570193993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943049426087435,0.2457342501491785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736070349896845,0.0,0.2608385662022045,0.0,0.0,0.23107595168114034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5816405691671301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327205568946239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169499933393951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840856643769727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156330177527097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26187291939089685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,this_is_balogna,2019/07/08,"Hello. I don't have BPD but I think my bro might. Problem is he won't get a diagnosis and instead copes by releasing his anger and frustration on the only people who love him. He is destroying relationships and claims to care immensely, but will turn around at the drop of a hat and go berserk. I would like to put a disclaimer that I'm not trying to force a diagnosis on my brother. I just figured maybe some of you kind folk with BPD could tell me whether there seems to be any water to this. 

My brother Michael has had behavioural problems since he was a kid, e.g. lashing out and refusing to listen, throwing tantrums constantly. It was stark contrast to me and my sister, who were taught to control our tempers and communicate distress instead of screaming and throwing things. My brother was taught these same things but they never stuck. 

Michael is now nearing his thirties and has never worked a day in his life. He has been handed everything and then some, while me and my sister have been expected from a young age to get jobs and pay rent. Michael does nothing around the household. He has no care at all for those around him. Some milder examples are that he will walk around, loudly opening and closing doors and dropping things and making a general racket in the godless hours of the night when he knows very well everyone is sleeping. He has been asked for years to stop this, as everyone except him have busy lives and NEED sleep. He is paranoid about germs and will discard loads of clean laundry that has just been washed. He will ask for expensive things and extravagant outings and build in his mind an outcome that he wants, and if anything doesn't match his expectation, he throws a fit. I'm talking crying, screaming, slamming doors, running away, insulting everyone in earshot, the whole bit. The worst part is that you can't say a word to him, not anything. You can't even give him a compliment without him taking it the wrong way. Everyone is afraid to talk to him because of his temper. He wanders the whole house and wonders why everyone leaves the room when he sits down. Instead of us being able to tell him why, he'll have a tantrum and a meltdown and he'll make us feel awful for being mean to him. He has no car or driver's license and often threatens to run away. We don't want him to be homeless obviously, so we put up with his behaviour and try our best to help him. Many, many outlets have been offered to him. Therapy, welfare, driving lessons, job interviews. He refuses every single one. Hell, we've offered to pay him for doing the most basic chores that the rest of us do in our sleep just to get him to pull some weight, like washing dishes and folding laundry. 

It feels like I'm walking on eggshells. There is no regard for anyone else's mental health except his, because unlike him, no one else is explosive. I quietly deal with my depression and anxiety (of which he has been a big factor in helping progress, literally when I hear him approach I have to fight a panic attack and it's so exhausting)  by myself because I don't feel I can go to anyone else, what with his mental state taking up all the room. He's put the entire family through hell. He's been showered with gifts and attention in past years to get him to just stop screaming for awhile, but it never lasts. Recently, though, as he gets older and older and is no longer a  teenager, the free rides have been slowing down, and he's been getting progressively worse. Still, the help is offered; still, he refuses. 

The thing is, on rare occasions he really does want to change and expresses this to us. I believe him every single time because hey, even though he's hurt and taken advantage of me more than I care to admit, he's still my big brother. That sentiment usually lasts about a couple days, a week at most. I hate that our home has become his madhouse. I don't know what to do. Feel free to ask questions and give your input, I just really, really need to talk to someone about this. I would look for a formal diagnosis if he was willing, but that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon.",6.469063829787237,6.830982494267516,6.271345710800926,79.84845507521348,65.45859872611464,9.22862176446673,33.517414283778294,9.021347882292716,2.7941689930884945,3258,132,609,50,47,1021,363,785,0.175,0.7340000000000001,0.091,-0.9974,4,0,0,0,1,0,89.0,10,4,1,7,33,40,13,3,37,1,71,13,4,3,6,122,124,55,0,14,19,7,6,3,0,11,5,8,9,1,30,49,3,6,16,0,6,17,20,26,1,2,19,15,71,16,96,88,19,89,2,2,1,1,114,33,2,15,37,407,101,8,0.05673801911600707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858379862846358,0.0,0.04340442932495784,0.0,0.0,0.0793450843811316,0.11626961114648494,0.09338111067987376,0.20203546468736688,0.15912716641165134,0.0645476877108452,0.10661447332173328,0.0,0.0,0.13834787931945644,0.06266268443386093,0.0,0.06392431811831309,0.05954305060464521,0.0,0.06194322185656495,0.0,0.142919097736185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354457563855927,0.0,0.060021301031878416,0.0,0.0,0.06131364211383693,0.06363651297029252,0.045300691449497166,0.0627795389774908,0.06232404978680635,0.07318265702123071,0.05849440635054429,0.04886837272558306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993036457583628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219200352348504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494985303424011,0.0,0.0956084563918694,0.27107804359868604,0.05099247309287501,0.0,0.05348755486818299,0.0,0.11475378900711665,0.040533652193267725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785963927640608,0.10885655592078937,0.0644910475835809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050173242924099394,0.0,0.0,0.056017047368677804,0.0,0.0603098611309284,0.0639478711373658,0.0,0.114090894682039,0.0,0.05691285930866464,0.0,0.055875519825658776,0.06546805626760581,0.06073922294730871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260745830533204,0.0,0.0,0.059083915827704885,0.062363462957537176,0.09249811660416064,0.0,0.06007736992062404,0.0,0.0,0.040075740844206564,0.08315799057610608,0.0,0.05010071036813188,0.0,0.04764564622218285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120827745236098,0.0,0.0757461366757472,0.11504689199878936,0.057000966310127014,0.06180433613759812,0.0,0.0,0.11435715668883753,0.06019007204727129,0.05728922511604559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414104449937898,0.1312795743905784,0.0,0.0,0.05324478740154976,0.0,0.05444165957464645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689430028896503,0.043151820250783963,0.0,0.06656984054348919,0.0,0.061441745623035726,0.05416285928691119,0.03933499847219096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085812433143256,0.0,0.1711121410728634,0.06355956651560762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904348371717916,0.0,0.056021948951428965,0.060915398919692824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512035009838535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033043233444866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046934275727272684,0.0,0.17033698390457633,0.0,0.048073939475161497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593316607259115,0.0948710490826027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531985848327013,0.13681161170244194,0.09918305907362722,0.0,0.0648848696265513,0.0,0.18847109386918565,0.03635543166873709,0.1114896314136385,0.0,0.033084395221606895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704278119675816,0.061714672065882686,0.0,0.0,0.2729954041140862,0.0,0.06248891216931879,0.04681480785676365,0.10039666111802034,0.045035998636881104,0.04551181655030585,0.0690916219719523,0.05101429314745739,0.0,0.10239447443572254,0.12669194422309246,0.0,0.05469342572689707,0.06152996144945514,0.04130595366299943,0.0,0.05782088874379297,0.08061012177343163,0.06203411701989516,0.0,0.07307484816336146
bpd,TeenageData42,2019/07/08,"BPD Playlist Awhile back I shared a playlist that I compiled about BPD. I figured I’d share it again with you all. If you have any suggestions comment below. 

[You can find the playlist here.](https://open.spotify.com/user/shadowmerewow/playlist/0kRPy5UIsE4lfqKxa7VoWG?si=IRMQrysFSWqeyLyB1G8Jqg)",10.08176829268293,14.565640195121961,3.677042682926832,77.82824695121951,86.07317073170731,6.9280487804878055,31.95426829268293,7.645422480735847,3.3489731707317074,252,11,31,5,8,60,33,41,0.0,0.863,0.13699999999999998,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23698626150453586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679685555511141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8778260273500853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31851504014837445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiger1illy,2019/07/08,"Love & Hate I miss him. I'm mad at him.

I suggested devising healthy boundaries and maintaining contact, but he says he can't ever see me that way.

I know in my heart that he's better off without me, and I love him enough to respect his decision to cut me off, but I'm so sad, and I'm so mad, and I hate him so much.",3.6314788732394376,2.7391188732394407,5.459260563380283,87.53705985915497,71.53521126760563,9.353521126760565,30.426056338028175,8.841846274778883,2.017588732394367,244,9,61,4,4,85,43,71,0.314,0.547,0.139,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,10,11,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,14,4,7,11,2,6,0,2,1,2,13,4,0,0,1,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702618197550002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060425394273814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25773217630323914,0.0,0.0,0.2256274877856501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925292061263719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29558069327356895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708249695673042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502481552573424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336281573755173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983600641054838,0.0,0.0,0.1987667397072832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979892345069792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404456394881576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xXgoth_screennameXx,2019/07/08,"Having trouble getting grounded and need support. Hey, I try not to post here every time I need reassurance because I know I can usually handle things in the end and I know other people need it more but I’m really anxious and I feel like I am losing my grip somewhat on reality at the moment.

I left me and my BF’s place this past Friday because we were arguing and he said I was exacerbating his depression and he wanted space. We parted on good terms (hugs, I love yous, etc) but there are some unresolved issues with me being able to let him cool down when he’s in a bad mood.

I’m coming back today and I’m really nervous he’s going to leave me when I get there. :( we have kept in contact somewhat and he’s said I love you at various times etc. and seemed excited to pick me up but I also told him I wanted to know how solid he thinks we are and he said that he didn’t know at the moment. I really don’t know if he’s excited to get back to normal or he’s about to leave me and so I don’t know what to expect when I get back and it’s making it hard to get ready to leave. My main worry is that all of the “I love you” type stuff will be a loophole as in, “well I meant it but I still don’t want to be with you” or something and I was just getting my hopes up. Please help me calm down. I feel like I’m doing all I can to stay grounded and not completely dissociate but it’s very hard at he moment. :(",0.048396132376392835,2.050437773026317,2.7139114832535896,92.0129864433812,85.7434210526316,5.658532695374801,18.093700159489643,6.980632752743323,0.09358903508771954,1089,27,249,15,33,379,149,304,0.13,0.684,0.18600000000000005,0.9689,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,4,3,0,1,16,22,1,1,6,1,21,4,0,3,2,62,61,29,0,10,11,0,5,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,12,21,0,1,11,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,10,9,43,15,32,46,12,40,0,2,0,4,34,19,0,9,19,164,55,1,0.0940866519558716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524106157653943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062911360093963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704048319490546,0.0785584243810751,0.11470869950313722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104731965847256,0.09864806450226826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103669546307056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333284723507131,0.0,0.20986297522806707,0.0,0.0,0.07927206219684636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514607643293707,0.13443104591335328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949383541815436,0.0,0.053471612534267014,0.07891541974961815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685663193012794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306429954451583,0.0,0.0,0.0934492747647696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820202016233537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102453800185624,0.0,0.0,0.29887253814353965,0.1022254226438827,0.09620997619057793,0.0,0.09193197129055686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525889710510633,0.0,0.0,0.25475063033496304,0.0,0.06280357077537012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929218077292205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218494242904486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188667539090822,0.08981635541845633,0.06522783785191515,0.0,0.09830052597081393,0.1032788901562344,0.0,0.0,0.0901090046209455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082295540803506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684938549096129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565295429310665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243250133355289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028385235757628,0.07513772178864203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770670645521184,0.0,0.1067684176622536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625069908639433,0.06028692752082564,0.0,0.0,0.10972536676056206,0.0,0.08918314479071222,0.08990382793872571,0.0,0.06387866066799934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362315466732644,0.07763134141490803,0.16648423507400598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459519946098201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554956213595676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,txnsiled,2019/07/08,"Star-sign dilemma Okay you may be like ""wtf why is astrology in a BPD community?"" But here me out. 

Does anyone just cling onto their star-sign as a way to have something tangible in terms of personality? I feel like as a virgo that's all I'll ever really have, it's the only thing that I feel could be my personality. 

I often feel nothing, just a chronic emptiness but when I look up crappy astrology posts and look at my sign it's like ""Oh, so is that who I am?"", It's something I can grip onto and hold and it makes me feel stable. Because every other day I have no idea who the fuck I am to the point of disassociation and then I'm like ""Wait. I'm a virgo, I'm smart and cynical and all this stuff—"" 

Although I'm not saying this is a ""WOW YES EVERYONE DO THIS SO YOU CAN DISCOVER YOURSELF!"" because it gets to the point (for me at least) where I become obsessive and I try emulating this personality I'm given, it effects my responses and how I dress and then I just fall back into ""This isn't me. This is a virgo..."" And I just spiral again. 

But no yeah, has anyone else dealt with this? Or am I just loopy.",0.4862037962037961,2.683018627705632,3.40400432900433,86.48205044955047,85.66666666666667,6.151248751248751,19.707126207126212,7.468242284971852,0.6376938394938394,857,25,186,15,26,304,121,231,0.10400000000000001,0.75,0.145,0.8675,0,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,1,1,15,10,2,1,11,3,19,2,0,3,3,40,35,23,0,1,10,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,20,13,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,8,24,7,18,30,4,23,0,0,2,1,9,12,1,3,12,130,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042918443203624,0.14968118998670613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233023060888883,0.0,0.17810393450601555,0.16133923699125244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839887517472381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166368638635691,0.0,0.0,0.09421264147452986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278398346787576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203514506282405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214210826836112,0.12308278478283835,0.13959033231477766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954595534413275,0.10436304439260173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350530877273018,0.07632330349833233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491201155493576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28547871024018423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534895933338785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751277021333953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017235130712985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110410951821706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38266696279332624,0.0,0.0,0.2761947997617609,0.0,0.139908902523755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358569415884058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617253431482365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492650565295905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672322001334611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705228160742416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918202233331214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115955352421626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181885301304425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SevereCricket,2019/07/08,"FP is toxic but won't let you leave Asking for a friend (probably with undiagnosed BPD).

How to solve the dilemma when your partner is toxic FP, but he does not want to let you go when you try to end the relationship? What makes this process so hard?",5.3665333333333365,5.472975120000001,5.778000000000002,83.32233333333336,67.8,9.066666666666668,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,1.8822666666666668,196,6,42,3,3,63,39,50,0.102,0.753,0.145,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,9,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,5,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,3,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446137813172329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295475723100881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897762370160754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317502556311049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215538997505966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870558591220767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343930927900962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27705676458527084,0.0,0.5351235993061139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465794179192207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821102790884381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809214744322132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764778752154667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433195639374872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bedsNbunkers,2019/07/08,"Choosing a career w/ BPD I can’t absolutely suck at making choices, and I have major commitment issues. I have three or four ideas of what I would like to do with my life, however I’m scared I’ll never be able to make up my mind. And if I choose one, I feel as though I will quickly get “bored” of it or it won’t be right for me. Perhaps having a stable career / going to university isn’t for me. Has anyone else experienced this?",2.4779047619047603,3.71874348888889,4.764285714285716,83.805,75.2222222222222,7.365079365079365,22.857142857142854,7.957251820313856,1.0670476190476186,334,9,71,5,7,117,67,90,0.096,0.8190000000000001,0.085,-0.2247,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,12,1,0,2,2,16,19,7,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,0,2,11,1,11,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,3,51,15,2,0.2513133718371973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572415291551355,0.25750024828747725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165203941873031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099400743424502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707159192281622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313008642080314,0.0,0.1428271807340059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837022068354399,0.0,0.26230586693419666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751006674799155,0.12277901915091174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355072543632869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25375486416641196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938283653387807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029644479806905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462024639603186,0.0,0.0,0.2516085271812243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246914111842363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785258088202521,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thelogicofcrocodiles,2019/07/08,"The day after one of those nights that are so bad it doesn't feel real Last night culminated in me being covered from head to toe in bruises, once again because of my inability to behave normally.

Long story short, my FP spent a large amount of time in social settings with a woman he'd dated years prior. Exes are a touchy spot for me, although this situation seems particularly fucked IMO, and I can't get past it. He claims I'm better than her in literally every way imaginable, but memory is fickle and I'm sure he'll say that about the next girl, in relation to me. 

It is the biggest strain on our relationship. However, I always do this, and I push people (men I date) to their limits, and I end up physically hurt from it. It's completely my fault, but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of feeling bad when I should be feeling good. I'm sick of being trapped in my head, obsessing over things I can't change. I'm sick of being disappointed when I wake up, once again realizing I didn't stop breathing inexplicably in my sleep.

I'm having a really difficult time today coming up with reasons to keep moving forward with life.",4.77997010463378,5.649323080717496,6.399928251121079,75.65744095665174,69.31390134529148,9.354738415545592,27.8711509715994,9.558583805096642,2.4385542002989538,889,29,171,19,15,306,139,223,0.231,0.71,0.059000000000000004,-0.9933,1,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,1,2,7,12,1,2,7,0,16,12,6,1,1,24,33,10,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,3,12,8,0,3,7,0,1,4,4,9,0,1,2,4,21,3,33,24,1,41,0,2,0,1,12,15,1,1,22,101,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901797612679972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388593061818748,0.08719383246357808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265043196408168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513138413733122,0.1232134344218529,0.14997123751423536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224682542208347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668804287732385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205145719579032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169709294237116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223510572794822,0.0747307616393577,0.0,0.0,0.11997238079144913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935937993716141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312372421427473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271375732554462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659398498991574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010310371279278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265829606314582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202535414764445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212113181557668,0.2684604690776291,0.14014557676338912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046587918149638,0.09692535613528801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654469592573276,0.09916362386212524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280705646865154,0.09163295982322044,0.1470655296878998,0.0,0.15356786425590696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137485089480028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021522132136795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077922123722105,0.1431399793042155,0.14580788214928958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958506917552733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481037805937016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502721437520993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681167666909946,0.0,0.13558204772853713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353585871473175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092110932229685
bpd,oneminamillion,2019/07/08,"i want to fucking k*ll myself everything feels to omuch  
today i binged like there is no tomorrow (hopefully) on probably 10000 kcal 

i skipped the gym  
i havent studied for my final exam on wednesday because i i couldnt focus due to the guilt from bingeing 

i feel fat as fuck

my narcissistic mother is mad at me

my sister is useless as shit 

i dont want to burden my friends 

but then im an incoming sophomore in college

the boy im talking to  has probably already realized the bigass piece of shit that i am and so is now ghosting me

my booty call isnt answering which idk is probably an okay thing since i feel like shit with my body lol 

i really love the program im in altho orgchem is hard as shit rn but i want to finish my program and be an amazing professional in my field 

but i cant im so fucked up 

wow typing this made me further realize that i really do want to die",1.0327049180327847,3.296195153005467,3.4539098360655736,86.59693032786886,83.80874316939891,6.720109289617486,25.54344262295082,7.908726449838941,1.7240603278688522,695,30,142,14,20,240,109,183,0.193,0.627,0.18,-0.7778,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,19,8,1,8,2,15,10,6,1,0,19,28,12,2,6,3,2,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,6,1,0,0,6,11,0,0,1,4,26,8,21,25,1,16,0,1,0,4,7,8,7,1,10,87,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357465943267175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826304299369285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243864935666314,0.0,0.0,0.11434589974177015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621938975106108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124179155882634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006419874367852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698640312641275,0.07999979344739545,0.0,0.12267054710509034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651683186241517,0.3105760047198192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031366366800354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122315724314208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838380783192165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941726540157637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010679126433668,0.10595985120692776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622058395608141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434767689254782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597906796091726,0.09263247106088676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000669883890104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439570709517161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614561708974167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641989792894041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bug8604,2019/07/08,"I’m moving back home and should be happy but I’m terrified Six years ago I moved a few hours away from my home and family to be with my boyfriend. Two years later I had my son. A year ago I moved out.

After a lot of discussion and thinking, I decided when my lease ends in September I’m moving home with my son. His dad is taking me to court over it.

I’m terrified. I’m scared I’m making a bad decision, scared I’m going to ruin everything, scared it’s just my mental illness doing the thinking, scared about going to court and dealing with his abusive father (which is a reason I left him and a reason I don’t mind my son not seeing him as much).

Everyone is supportive in a “we will support you no matter what” way but I need someone to tell me if they think it’s a good or bad idea. I’m falling apart.",1.5675438596491242,3.1976593216374285,3.761263157894738,88.4008421052632,78.59064327485379,6.899181286549709,21.92631578947368,7.793537801064563,0.9272203508771936,628,18,136,10,15,216,99,171,0.282,0.648,0.07,-0.9934,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,1,0,4,11,0,4,9,0,10,1,0,3,0,30,29,11,0,3,6,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,5,10,0,0,8,0,0,7,3,7,0,2,1,1,23,4,18,24,3,26,0,1,1,0,15,7,0,3,11,84,28,0,0.0,0.12605069531323287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886105600758501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995368956135722,0.08180470958303902,0.1776566932729487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967988775397036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422692854039104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165693183137367,0.09561339406724048,0.0,0.10029179506532514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209238848876239,0.08923201191609771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325048769694886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201432278835544,0.0,0.10476934676363246,0.0,0.0,0.1200974941374221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558932538695905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044606193188656,0.0,0.0,0.07101386514298341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721264555049363,0.0,0.10742011368718422,0.0,0.0,0.4522883724857596,0.07820637386920591,0.07888429759325045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876623621181346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260460848032816,0.0,0.0847763266275335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014100004585847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145244990975825,0.0,0.0,0.07998946468103295,0.0,0.09298655602297276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450466532363326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039242255305994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444471161532044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055283994891248
bpd,Rpark888,2019/07/08,"A husband and a new father with BPD here. The sleepless nights of Dad-duties are causing me to have more frequent emotional/violent outbursts, and it's starting to scare my wife. Is there any medication I should ask my doctor about to dull me out? Before my son joined us 7 wks ago, I've had much success in controlling my temper. But now, when little things don't go my way, i'll unexpectedly, uncontrollably have a violent outburst. 

For example, this morning, while holding my baby who was flipping shit, I tried turning off the lamp next to me. When the twisty knob thing wouldn't work in either direction to successfully turn off the light, I completely obliterated the lamp in one loud and aggressive hammer punch.

It felt SO good to release that pent up frustration, but, it left my wife completely terrified and upset. 

I can't control these outbursts. My wife is well aware of my borderline personality disorder, and we've overcome many of my demons and struggles with this since we've been dating. 

But with a sudden newborn with us, I feel like all this progress is being undone. 

Is there any medication to dull me out that I should ask my doctor about? I need to get this shit under control.",7.4231562607795825,7.786740035874442,7.3448430493273555,72.95658157985515,63.43946188340807,10.448982407726806,35.09106588478785,10.214889679676881,3.591508727147292,960,40,168,20,13,307,139,223,0.182,0.7490000000000001,0.069,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,0,7,10,17,6,4,9,0,16,6,2,4,1,28,26,13,0,4,4,6,2,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,13,12,0,4,2,0,0,1,3,12,1,1,4,4,24,5,27,18,4,25,1,2,0,0,13,11,2,0,13,112,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069593649046457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410826123182468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256049043280629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267426578126122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196925562044175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395285951236165,0.0,0.0,0.2530231074693777,0.0,0.4059972526930152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828882411248222,0.2470048368771219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101020847202509,0.0862007814065453,0.11585420645184832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304078650997605,0.0,0.0685748556400094,0.10120535477834723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310993491369055,0.0,0.0,0.058949238307629076,0.12093477682428334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233208028485047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431080464650071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870027295588946,0.0894691619401376,0.0,0.11653587422808055,0.12832514461342134,0.11323288259233848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176352748839193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535718974481643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080346570293818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477151137385065,0.09981265007038087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540501076121464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614186410694225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032461606574427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192141074814227,0.26249067964378303,0.0,0.0,0.2902824675509793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577568424905092,0.0,0.0,0.10848940804164142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784319423070608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elektroputa,2019/07/08,"Asocial/isolation vs. clingy for affection/feeling unloved??? Someone??? Idk but i literally usually feel like i don't like/hate people like i prefer being alone and isolate myself... I usually just meet someone and is nice but in a short time i get tired and ugh my conclusion is that nobody provide me nothing and ugh social meetings, boring i just wanna go home...? So i prefer being alone with my own shit. But then after isolating myself i feel like SHIT NOBODY LOVES ME NOBODY CARES I'M IRRELEVANT I JUST WANT AFFECTION AND SOMEONE INTERESTED IN ME??? but then happens and is the same shit like a horrible vicious circle...... i don't know what's wrong with me! someone can relate or something? :(",2.740018527095877,5.748913645669293,4.140852246410379,78.68069939786939,85.77165354330708,6.452802223251506,27.155627605372853,7.724431198458867,2.363137471051413,551,25,87,11,17,181,77,127,0.294,0.462,0.243,-0.8059999999999999,0,3,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,4,17,4,0,3,0,8,5,3,1,0,27,18,14,0,4,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,0,2,18,8,7,16,2,10,0,0,0,1,4,3,3,1,10,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289488210395846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424896086445571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199308856738472,0.19968210069494252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301625620076797,0.0,0.07942602726806472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358494736659635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018573072472126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680573188048774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413863409230176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613440760163286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409875943759536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968885691364373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430369714851295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246269468631922,0.4736560711238433,0.10759028114826552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149230553630499,0.16062789483149187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30784093159470605,0.0,0.08243116155771367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528002305618286,0.0,0.0
bpd,Swoelina,2019/07/08,I feel like I'm alone I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. It's so hard,-4.4728571428571415,-3.227984,-0.4980952380952371,111.10142857142858,103.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.8188857142857144,60,0,20,0,3,22,15,21,0.195,0.5539999999999999,0.252,0.2809,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906510105365663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637372670402336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814332158230786,0.5389236011779431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33788462783258305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685481184400489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031678719289141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,decko18,2019/07/08,"I just got diagnosed I went to a psychiatrist, the session lasted one hour. And at the end of it he gave me my diagnosis. BPD.



Okay, so, I've done the whole therapy thing and I've been on meds, antidepressants, anti-anxiety, antipsychotics, but my diagnosis was always anxiety and depression. 


So I'm a little lost now, I don't really know what to think.",2.006323529411766,4.670085514705885,4.904411764705884,75.03985294117648,83.55882352941177,9.870588235294116,24.676470588235286,9.827888789773867,3.2738470588235287,277,11,52,11,8,99,52,68,0.153,0.825,0.022000000000000002,-0.861,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,1,4,1,0,0,0,7,11,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,0,6,1,5,4,1,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908802132533184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476872414305497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862101150300376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957278320485601,0.23065130322472585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325529643570129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127372463240775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817504861123468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237928899633121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488921487382923,0.1852369418270953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277615708828557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480673554076377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242060559648793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398870325562414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558048813312718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598771793788397,0.0,0.15097305905389646,0.14561094275984152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106605943413984,0.0,0.25371357994719396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aryan1234444,2019/07/08,"Love nature Does this article explain how you’re like in love? 

https://www.stellarmaze.com/infj-woman-in-love/

Replace ‘infj’ with ‘BPD’ when you read.",11.811833333333333,17.098157850000007,6.480000000000004,60.478333333333346,70.5,6.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.4796666666666667,127,4,14,2,3,33,18,20,0.0,0.595,0.405,0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812311461807491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343710394564351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667071442473124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6897053911669704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821951199188217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theghoulnextdoor_,2019/07/08,"[Long] How would you describe bpd to people close to you that don't know what it is? I recently started talking to a new guy that I met while on vacation a couple of months ago and we really clicked so we've kept in contact ever since the trip, talk very regularly and we talk so easily, just wanting to learn more about each other over time. We're doing it slowly until we will see each other again, which is in a couple months as we decided to get together for my birthday in October. 

Now, of course this started while I was on vacation in June and I only spent a day with him in a group setting out in public so all he saw was my brave face that I wear in public. I felt an instant connection with him, it felt very natural which I haven't felt in 4 years. It didn't feel impulsive...  My friends noticed it too.  I got brave and gave him my number because I felt like I'd regret it if I didn't and never saw him again.  I'm only keeping in contact with him through messenger, so I've been able to hide my mental issues and effects of my ptsd from him. 
..........But in reality I still have struggles with cultivating intense emotional attachment to people. But I've done my best to not let that happen this time.   But still if I don't hear from him for a few days, I go into suicide panic mode.  He will never know how exhausting it is to deal with silently but I handle myself and internalize it and deal.

Now,  Ive been working very regularly with a therapist and being very hands on about trying to retrain how my brain thinks and how to over come my childhood ptsd and keep it from effecting my adult life. Im making progress but I only started therapy 3 months ago and unfortunately I still have moments where I lose grip on myself.  I'm better than I was a year ago but I still struggle to not lash out sometimes and can overreact over some small things, to not live in constant anxiety that someone that doesn't text me for a day means they are sick of me. I still have to have a little reassurance sometimes that this is all in my head.   That im not a burden and that I will probably always feel too much and love harder than normal. 

I am terrified of having my first split on him because it'll happen, just not sure when. 

I feel like if things keep going well between us then by the time our trip to see each other in October then maybe should I warn him? Is that too serious of a topic to bring up or too soon? 

That's where I'm not sure how to handle things. 

At what point is it appropriate for me to bring up such personal information about my mental health? It's a very private subject for me and has ruined many past relationships of mine but I'm terrified he will ask his friends about it or look up stigmatized information about it. 

But I want him to know what he possibly might have to deal with. 

I don't know how or when to explain ""hey, so like I have a mental disorder and tho I'm really hands on about it I still have my moments"" and then be able to explain what exactly I struggle with every day without making it sound like a ""manipulative, emotionally unstable drama queen that just want attention"" or as its seen as toxic by other people I know who don't understand.. 

How do I describe it to someone who seems to suffer from no anxiety depression, or neglect, or understand how serious extreme childhood emotional neglect even is, and how it could still affect me, at 32. How do I  get them to see it for what it really is and not just the stigmatized parts?",5.20380467785526,5.505219532281206,6.239231924193388,79.20092255847321,68.16786226685795,9.58271662607187,30.269560575222712,9.530980864609335,2.5916802842747995,2742,98,547,54,43,916,291,697,0.12,0.794,0.086,-0.9838,0,0,0,0,0,1,63.0,6,2,2,9,50,30,0,4,19,0,50,11,6,16,8,133,109,64,1,11,29,0,10,4,2,8,4,2,0,3,52,40,0,6,26,1,1,7,19,15,1,1,20,20,76,15,97,77,11,96,0,7,8,1,55,36,0,12,56,400,128,2,0.11739187053699185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560912153163262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883972017672713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980445964511928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054872776107208206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156099468740121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159776281285492,0.051911784870399234,0.0,0.0,0.07392547572204804,0.06552407567091392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050561350940513804,0.0,0.06342945391222123,0.0,0.0468639281801722,0.12989187192011864,0.0,0.1514160898184347,0.1815387957958516,0.05055472303875907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727062699504824,0.0,0.0,0.06006632057312303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980750807604661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038768111670291934,0.05309383385606676,0.04945385699863778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903528546182668,0.041932387883815904,0.22542921043830424,0.0,0.0,0.049926732554550206,0.0,0.0,0.09069666797375434,0.0,0.06133240718480136,0.0,0.06671650532289061,0.0,0.0469445014099471,0.0,0.0,0.05811820407760813,0.1038092434232558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023896336321175,0.06239103444473714,0.06615458493823237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268033647260749,0.06126330673757442,0.0,0.15651493254587331,0.0,0.0,0.16128875496122766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060020570583320436,0.04145867492516908,0.11470347650390605,0.05882874711450711,0.0518295862014663,0.05194405565925262,0.04928980267648992,0.06566573772666838,0.0,0.0,0.05297537322213244,0.0,0.078359985146256,0.05950846567092671,0.05896795624711945,0.06393708081044686,0.0,0.0,0.17745509195800147,0.062267111678138,0.0,0.0,0.14055160661827984,0.0,0.043148266063215576,0.0,0.09053984753738864,0.056688900039836676,0.0,0.0,0.05750955423605726,0.0,0.06682571133722216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392271113549767,0.0,0.06886703329183337,0.0,0.06356197801864492,0.056031911797292284,0.1220771130230774,0.051251026668686105,0.0,0.0,0.055486631031645306,0.0661708477888964,0.0,0.0,0.06328414571984425,0.0,0.13722481460053176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128063573849574,0.0,0.0579551549472471,0.0630174681378006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031918306190194,0.05343457500328114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855388420115872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946575095497448,0.0,0.11610356166344213,0.0,0.12463585526808685,0.0,0.3281225480823597,0.0,0.0,0.18408520738948655,0.0,0.06420382644794134,0.0,0.11064044870539294,0.0,0.0,0.14153270821891645,0.0,0.0,0.06712391738100695,0.06815050483553936,0.1169849137994389,0.03760998528206271,0.0,0.0,0.10267821562580327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039850687144927364,0.0,0.0,0.12220907727568148,0.07060398308810817,0.0,0.0,0.2421514686606715,0.10386115014180908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277469490482204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056580787029495476,0.0,0.04273133994068014,0.0,0.0,0.041695908346085164,0.0,0.0,0.07559651578216191
bpd,snuffthatgirl,2019/07/08,"DAE have significant thoughts on BPD and some higher power/religion? Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy, as BPD often makes you feel. 

This particular thought recurs frequently, Specifically when I’m questioning myself and my decisions/choices (basically every day). 

I’m sat thinking about what an awful person I am, and suddenly I’m overcome with a sense of “oh well, it will be alright! I’ll leave my life in the hands of God/some higher power and I know that things will be okay- they will show me the way”.

My issue here is that I don’t believe in God or a higher power really, I’m not religious at all and never have been. 

Is this just a way that I am purposefully avoiding taking any responsibility for my actions? DAE experience anything similar? 

Any advice/support is welcomed.",4.880714285714287,6.983269265306128,6.365731292517007,71.24206632653063,70.63265306122447,8.981632653061224,30.617346938775512,9.516144504307137,3.2164653061224486,630,27,104,15,12,214,100,147,0.073,0.8170000000000001,0.11,0.6407,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,2,6,6,0,1,6,3,14,2,1,1,2,22,29,8,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,7,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,4,3,13,5,10,20,2,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,7,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24695427652147234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942064706212968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457270012536705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573743855860804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117100770018952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298465947421566,0.0,0.0,0.17761506462369234,0.0,0.0,0.1836194202600124,0.12971712361126872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319318317692856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951698994419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978880011499727,0.0,0.0,0.19226157028918955,0.0,0.0,0.12825170068846,0.08870830991980122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212026358665491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004173369871173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585441730627575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034054100793096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632151139421235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958218956829347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604901103872764,0.0,0.0,0.1365217051821512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063027562387167,0.11634584520606987,0.0,0.2883003297913485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882513608338273,0.0,0.0,0.16325761465060687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwitalloutalready,2019/07/08,"My Mind is Tearing Me Apart I don't know what the FUCK is wrong with my god damn brain right now or lately. I've been trying to track all of my mood swings but they've become so frequent it has become hard to even want to try. When I am going through the hard emotions I don't want to make a big fuss, so I don't really wanna talk or move or like put too much energy into something otherwise I'll just--bust--like a shaken up can of soda. It's so terrible and I just want to escape everybody and everything at the drop of a hat. My anxiety claws at my stomach, so there's tons of times where I just make myself food and five bites into it I'm thinking too much about just how I'm eating the food. I wanna fucking like eat and have sex in peace, but there's like these god damn floods internal dialouge that won't go away. 

TL;DR: My BPD is acting up in a major way and DBT/recording my thoughts isn't really helping with the actual intense pain of my emotions.",1.7727805145046531,3.5020342610837467,3.4566091954023017,90.36736590038315,78.3103448275862,6.481554460864806,21.12999452654625,7.3871296695380915,0.5999055281882875,757,20,164,10,18,252,121,203,0.15,0.713,0.13699999999999998,-0.5873,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,17,11,4,0,9,0,13,11,2,3,1,30,27,16,0,5,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,9,5,0,3,0,0,5,5,7,0,1,2,2,17,3,25,24,5,25,0,0,0,3,2,13,4,3,8,101,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.12748630394455762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993964143321918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274107045152224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885643843708852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453716364726576,0.1458380275026833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673557360455785,0.0,0.29390600609788714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628683240638031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741127705058142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159420745257317,0.0,0.0,0.2415501141828814,0.0,0.0,0.14849203805680986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340564938521455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875655878340033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179661411797822,0.0,0.1473681986477722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147307981548112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440712519569895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190968537380102,0.0,0.0,0.1388501996156958,0.19207163011117864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901072580741033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132980734648406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738332673738854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115662916253784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057345603407006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500390267451998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370917119820961,0.0,0.10371398145013097,0.07617753871909742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739267737347333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311654932290051,0.1036963652179343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283490205986493,0.0,0.0
bpd,karmacove,2019/07/08,"Split with partner because of complications and I don’t know how to cope So from the begging of the relationship I knew my (now ex) partner was going to be leaving for the military by the end of this summer but we had to go our separate ways because he told me like two days in advance that his family was moving away and poof he was gone from my life. I obviously had a hard time struggling with the fact he is gone because I thought I would have a little more time with him? Well he’s been gone and he promised to still talk and be friends (blah blah bs). I had been having multiple break downs over him while texting and eventually I asked for a short break from talking which he was okay with. Well a few days after I had my break to re evaluate everything and decided to text him, he obviously ignored my messages while I could see him xbox live. I eventually sent another text a few days later and he pretty much blew me off and now I know for a fact he doesn’t give a crap about me and probably stopped a while back. He obviously doesn’t wanna still be friends or talk to me, hell, he isn’t even leaving for the military for like another 2 months! I feel so empty and angry I don’t know how to deal with this. I want to scream and let all this sadness and rage out but I can’t. He was the first person to understand my illness and not just ditch me but haha no never mind i mean absolutely nothing!! Idk i just needed to get this off my chest. I know he was leaving and that’s my fault but goddamn he didn’t have to make it sting so badly. Have fun playing fuc ing roblox",3.64915585284281,4.59349554769231,4.770715719063549,86.02676254180606,71.98461538461537,8.11371237458194,27.668896321070232,8.456263369488248,1.7277625418060198,1243,44,269,20,23,409,166,325,0.17300000000000001,0.705,0.122,-0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,2,16,20,3,1,15,2,30,4,2,3,7,57,53,27,0,5,8,1,2,4,4,1,2,1,0,3,8,21,0,2,10,2,0,8,10,9,2,2,20,4,37,11,39,27,5,42,1,1,1,0,37,9,2,1,23,176,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396246865620671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681836320994853,0.0,0.10735172181653714,0.08785945236218823,0.0954029410959169,0.2089568506771762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912278994599106,0.0,0.0,0.2210661646650008,0.11779780066853356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120109687482187,0.0,0.0,0.07546813788444534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269018109172004,0.0,0.10771485206381352,0.0,0.05777366079420645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719012286672583,0.0,0.0,0.1765551209332737,0.0,0.05969651812773837,0.10960930861469376,0.12987401774161073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023551755127207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25117884723700884,0.0,0.0,0.3629568614230533,0.0,0.11683934299426255,0.08070573625995482,0.11164404722935573,0.11451927389615252,0.10089432240630332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762699278976283,0.0,0.0,0.1244634371559886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537077033027945,0.0,0.09120182860902623,0.12144107875612847,0.08399478727329425,0.0847228872499518,0.08812492282445045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963625691328503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997680666070642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624424502556092,0.12319239780627092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267326856150597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105101245072328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249754122130996,0.09552709076209907,0.0,0.11945012894366645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755153521498233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071026058484134,0.13325270694084304,0.0,0.0,0.1091810288802322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161613541350583,0.11894945481236173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739394192835688,0.09069485308634652,0.0,0.0,0.20546824595218435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116754788164939,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neekle,2019/07/08,"Anybody else think like some sort of live camera feed back would be so useful. I often day dream about useful it would be to have some sort of constant video feed like a 3rd person view so I can actually process my behavior objectively.

Almost like our brain is missing that function.",5.545754716981128,7.371587679245284,5.3850471698113225,80.0541745283019,68.43396226415095,7.564150943396226,28.34433962264151,8.07648339933343,1.9254943396226407,229,8,40,3,4,71,42,53,0.035,0.6920000000000001,0.273,0.9298,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,2,0,11,11,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,4,7,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,6,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.25049023178161745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570357189943616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197377047522755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865484383923152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773882848482891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554237370265915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144296908850581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37621402973434864,0.0,0.2266599999539209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412985620236628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447515573755686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433916283193476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646872482086296,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShinyBulk,2019/07/08,"I hate having no control over my feelings There’s this rational side to my brain that can grasp a better perspective on a situation but no matter how much I KNOW something in my brain, it doesn’t stop the overwhelming sadness, emptiness, and pain I feel emotionally.

For example, when I don’t talk to my FP for multiple days, I know logically that she’s busy/has other priorities like family, school, spending time for herself, etc.

I know she doesn’t hate me/suddenly stopped caring for me in her life. But it doesn’t stop the immense pain of feeling abandoned and craving her presence so much that it hurts my heart feeling like she’s not apart of my life anymore. Distracting myself doesn’t help either, I usually just have to cry it out and after some time, I’ll feel more stable.",9.034885714285714,7.474631460000005,8.736476190476193,70.59300000000002,61.06666666666667,12.038095238095238,39.42857142857143,10.914260884657429,4.234257142857143,629,27,114,13,7,203,95,150,0.28300000000000003,0.584,0.133,-0.9838,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,13,2,2,4,0,8,7,3,2,0,27,19,8,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,4,0,5,10,0,1,0,8,9,0,0,0,5,21,4,15,19,6,16,0,4,0,0,8,7,0,1,11,76,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671817925507668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192427550026955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077904361772941,0.0,0.0,0.14055550799516905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461956747428218,0.0,0.0,0.15143063583292582,0.08890706174082671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507179327821533,0.0,0.0,0.15374820873391926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996033586623745,0.0,0.3485259561322617,0.09848584527568023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722126411726776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336249748203738,0.09240337014655917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757993394800084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272895988155641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474648833871075,0.13470099617086606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268311297653785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933814496962929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395197444708351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495826640943278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061298909161905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34576660215098515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080510878383212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077231892643576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183120696869426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,symmetryfairy,2019/07/08,"Does anyone else struggle with goodbyes/endings as much as I do? I can't stand goodbyes or anything that feels like a goodbye, even if it's something like ending an email that I've been writing to somebody or when a phone call is going to end. It feels like everything is falling apart. I know it's probably a BPD thing, fear of abandonment and lack of object constancy and all that. It just sucks so much. It's just this huge, overwhelming feeling that everything good is leaving forever and I have to stay behind and watch it go.",4.441966019417475,6.1626759514563165,4.782706310679612,83.70473907766991,71.03883495145631,7.868446601941748,31.32160194174757,8.472884824447931,2.4772145631067968,425,19,79,7,8,134,70,103,0.142,0.723,0.135,-0.1962,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,3,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,18,14,11,0,2,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,4,4,4,9,13,4,10,0,2,1,0,4,2,1,3,6,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853214333948787,0.17369300596167725,0.1395003015327252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135041774918604,0.0,0.17309860740079508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834786634826586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161198999562882,0.0,0.4504325190308748,0.0,0.0,0.11196618911455496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047068222069708,0.0,0.0,0.1907568361513109,0.25714282126169397,0.2422098714403982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268394900361505,0.14218511462404262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316361546636012,0.0,0.0,0.17949692733792735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484563457376517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492330273440295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827709507205869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305045773980968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806854869129876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772188383333771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262138234824215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adma007,2019/07/08,"No knowing what I want... I’m engaging in mentalisation therapy because of BPD.

It is clear and important that I need to set my goals what I want to be at the end of the therapy so the therapists, doctors and I can work toward them.

However I have been having difficult time to truly know what I want, not just from the therapy, even in life. I even started thinking what I don’t want, it seems to be as equally difficult. 

I just seem to have lack of goals in my life. I just feel lost more than ever, I don’t know what I want in life. I just feel trapped. Whatever I do feels more like obligations in life, instead of doing them because of my own wills/desires. 

Anyone feels similar and what do you do?",3.167996158770805,4.557072176056341,4.817784891165172,83.51396286811783,73.71830985915494,8.82560819462228,29.106274007682448,9.339509955726095,2.5304422535211266,547,23,114,13,11,185,75,142,0.107,0.768,0.125,-0.1298,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,4,9,5,0,0,4,0,14,5,0,0,2,27,33,5,0,7,5,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,4,20,2,20,29,5,12,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,5,86,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682445576181717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688253056303182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440354325928206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173432178000492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264713543475192,0.0,0.0,0.1829219487526111,0.12525793928649662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28006708301800426,0.0989260732221295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283055745941724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912339953263365,0.06765155222556342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116106481949845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102676944695777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521236183359907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801282784495913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750723176692164,0.16077934436182506,0.0,0.08872874514576698,0.0,0.0,0.08074548250912746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083786726834101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008109453619493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,__weib,2019/07/08,"Benefits of cannabis use for BPD I haven't done any mj in the past 9 months. Don't know why I go through these phases of smoking/not smoking since I was 13. 
I am 26 now, so half of my life has been influenced by my unstable relationships with this plant. Sometimes  I saw it as a drug to abuse, sometimes as a medicine depending on how I was feeling at that moment (which is very unstable as well as a self image). I finally reached a time when I don't wan to my ""health freak"" personality to be back again and again and quiting cannabis based on illusions that I am not 100% healthy and got my life together if I smoke.So I start eating eeextra clean (frutarian, raw vegan), working out harder than usual and being OBSESSED with superfoods, mindfulness and self help. There are a lot of benefits to this phase of me but sometimes shit can get too extreme (i.e. 3 months of daily enemas. Lol. ) 
Anyways, that part of me quits weed and in the beginning I feel okay, then after a while all my BPD traits amplify by 100. I get veeery emotional, cry every day for a couple of hours, feel very empty and depressed, lethargic and lifeless with some quick sparks of rage and despair in between. Feeling like this lasts for a good while and then I start try to shift my state without any meds or weed (at that point I completely forget that it used to help me and just demonize it as a weakness) Then it gets better, then much worse again. And then when shit hits the fan I start drinking and smoking cigarettes (but NO weed)... Feeling even worse...
 And then...
 One day I just randomly decide to smoke again. And that magic first puff... and a huuuge smile on my face and pleasant relaxation all over my body. And a huge WTF in my mind why I didn't do it earlier. It helps TREMENDOUSLY. I can't get pshychotic on weed. I can still get triggered especially if I didn't smoke much (as well as other factors like sleep and nutrition), but my amygdala stops alarming pretty fast and I calm down).  I do also get a little self conscious sometimes or socially anxious but it is definitely worth the benefits. 
I want to sare this with you because I want to finally heal my relationships with cannabis. I want to remind myself next time I go into a different phase/personality/state that I could still use some help of this plant and try not to be too righteous and clean too much and then pay for it with my moods when I crash down. 
So now I am approaching cannabis with a much clearer and loving intention. Intention to balance me and bring peace. After all my trials and errors with this plant as well as other medicines (psychedelics, pharmaceuticals) I think weed is the best substance for managing BDP traits and making this journey a bit more doable and, even pleasant sometimes.",6.33614543726236,6.801708876425856,6.299712452471487,79.17375118821293,65.74904942965779,9.844961977186314,33.167538022813694,9.751328689232952,3.0389203422053237,2183,88,416,43,32,690,257,526,0.126,0.679,0.196,0.9896,1,0,6,0,1,0,72.0,0,1,0,6,29,27,3,2,20,2,26,15,5,10,3,85,57,61,0,6,13,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,2,4,26,38,2,1,9,2,2,5,10,9,3,3,8,6,50,17,67,44,14,69,1,2,1,1,13,18,2,9,47,282,76,3,0.0,0.0863794698013591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058301404479590827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915461347569483,0.0,0.0,0.0823609128211882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056058773999442216,0.0,0.044441679496089785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650838405931251,0.06447777634612496,0.07959242530485243,0.08098005067312078,0.18364039309328592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643859069990583,0.0,0.0,0.05820801360318875,0.08066703049947076,0.0800817608234654,0.0940342621515676,0.0,0.0627922182500817,0.0,0.0,0.07616929645989898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746062342783531,0.0,0.07141829012907212,0.08454564245458662,0.0745991230412989,0.0,0.08200733089091176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630497737187343,0.0,0.061424871808436636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431258712105814,0.05208272330419004,0.0,0.15972581645849335,0.0,0.06201221366943777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853638589603034,0.0,0.08286619155060683,0.06114852329427736,0.058308090737925686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749367845806844,0.0,0.0,0.1954643998331528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179588023999774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040066201905783215,0.059426594355262125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298868267024364,0.07123454840366167,0.07306908842841263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198048218522655,0.06579882150068103,0.0,0.048664071263969925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098005067312078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472247724337081,0.0,0.11638275816364145,0.0,0.21437168888665967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775343667518484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049401723616267636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894806570483424,0.06959523904121598,0.0,0.06365707215236066,0.0,0.0,0.06891796525182488,0.0,0.0,0.07416970724743778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155085027237993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654349880791968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281647145702739,0.0,0.14967007858386966,0.06030704769781664,0.0,0.07295677806078885,0.07431657702612295,0.0,0.0,0.36052023161086777,0.0,0.15480575019230505,0.0,0.11644266090579693,0.060951115080719376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671402120832608,0.0,0.0,0.08502196613309937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899423413719592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18889727602952486,0.08029359670271763,0.1203070807691794,0.1290022299678899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966486983622334,0.0,0.13156927124369658,0.0,0.0,0.0702769773893055,0.0,0.05307507315620106,0.0,0.14859106873895284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Overexplains_Everyth,2019/07/08,FUUUUUUCK That's all I got atm.,-2.8585714285714268,-3.2548447142857126,6.003571428571429,58.2539285714286,139.0,7.114285714285713,17.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.524485714285715,25,1,6,1,2,12,7,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jonahc817,2019/07/08,"I’m the biggest fuck up I know I haven’t fucked up big time in a pretty decent while. But every day is a little fuck up. There is a point in each day (usually several) where I commit just a little fuck up. Whether it’s just being a dick, or feeling needy, or just feeling so down it annoys those around me, it doesn’t really matter. I fucked up just a little bit. But when you fuck up just a little bit each day it starts to drive people away. It’s slow and painful for everyone involved. They get tired of the little bullshit things you do that they have to put up with. It’s a small gap that I continue to make grow. And I don’t like creating and adding to this gap. I despise that I do on a daily basis. I’m just too much for anyone to handle. Too insecure to believe anyone could love or care for me. Too depressed and dark for the those around me. Too much of a risk. Too weak to stop myself from fucking up. I’m just too much as a person. It’s led me down a very dark and lonely road that floods me with pain. I really hope I don’t make it a harder travel with my constant little fuck ups that I hate so deeply.",1.394523809523811,3.008010861344537,3.1089915966386563,92.9585574229692,79.04201680672269,5.877871148459383,18.896358543417367,6.655083550727371,-0.04166330532212914,867,18,196,8,21,288,117,238,0.263,0.643,0.094,-0.9931,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,2,0,20,22,11,2,16,0,11,14,1,3,1,36,33,16,0,2,13,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,17,12,0,1,3,1,0,5,4,18,0,0,0,2,22,4,35,31,7,46,0,2,0,10,7,29,9,4,13,136,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821424667204683,0.0,0.0,0.15050378007243964,0.0,0.0,0.07942111188341512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523923465859556,0.0,0.0,0.184575298276565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618656691483269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134965410573484,0.0,0.06749236143856965,0.0,0.0,0.16354950158602727,0.0,0.07280776008875689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122231790410563,0.08077447257960534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548439280168697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6251918310113579,0.04416476759800856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345839073876309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395989420178493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04645687789537778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412983332548376,0.5083429260943275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629392532152324,0.0,0.11285226495481168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642344858864626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989718301675695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058604225435065965,0.07381056070933968,0.0,0.0,0.07991058159270589,0.0,0.0,0.0859999917444827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497855921023624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830743019695976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954977184831066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059832572859438736,0.0,0.0,0.07067299559740357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615966900780213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049291608777374735,0.0971577291703924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310065941789307,0.06974820541245741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jess0046,2019/07/08,"Who else is having a hard time with weightloss/maintaining due to black or white thinking? Last year, I restricted my calories ridiculously, usually eating less than 800 calories (still binging uncontrollably at time). I had lost 50lbs.

This year, I started going to the gym but it seems like the more I tried to eat healthy and stay active the more it backfired. I'd eat one unhealthy thing and then feel like I've screwed up and eat everything for days. Days turned to weeks, months. I've gained 60lbs in 6 months.

I feel like I can only either restrict uncontrollably or constantly binge. 

Does anyone relate? Anyone have tips or success stories?",4.956520376175547,7.751458413793106,4.188244514106581,83.81757053291534,72.6206896551724,6.97680250783699,28.64890282131661,8.00094639256281,2.090010344827587,520,21,88,8,11,154,84,116,0.172,0.64,0.188,0.7343,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,1,9,2,2,4,0,5,5,0,0,0,15,13,8,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,4,2,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,5,7,4,10,11,4,21,0,1,2,1,1,3,1,4,19,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206042378193772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592185418339661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900398595931076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289352673511716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6030485716232555,0.12308083857002018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241665199534888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489956421257223,0.21051461876738825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837347954190884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319846699236527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009900847807428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594368797710534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083532326961286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23520536572964765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983910550136116,0.1120561372794509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412972350848015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042856166026392,0.15704123109469315,0.11766321350784688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788390220887637,0.09440735566309484,0.0,0.0,0.17182633368485256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000318922353894,0.1602599316779738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227046923615052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818454780260645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975990282402735
bpd,wildin_,2019/07/08,"Afraid of getting better? I recently started taking medication again and although it’s helped with a lot of the anxiety I have, a lot of the other symptoms I have that come from BPD aren’t much better and I just feel numb. 

I know I need to go back to therapy as well but I’m afraid how much I’ll change between continuing the medication and going to therapy. I’m afraid of losing myself, even though I know that BPD hurts more than helps.",2.802954545454547,4.895214295454547,4.388636363636365,83.19045454545456,76.5,7.581818181818183,24.63636363636364,8.472884824447931,1.708063636363636,350,12,69,7,8,117,57,88,0.12300000000000001,0.769,0.10800000000000001,-0.3253,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,0,3,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,14,15,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,6,1,0,0,1,8,3,12,15,5,8,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101819757137325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164164297081476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798199850009355,0.0,0.0,0.39848033658202775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734858123316165,0.13627037191191846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448583547241314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998778538335506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264998642104289,0.0,0.17981091928714604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120685937427523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935025750338514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387888745010197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697894410320242,0.0,0.2689822537042744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187282052072661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23258200797310602,0.11729906032000853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561977750192204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119707314975581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442443708024929,0.11894241729786895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36181791093581694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542508508247033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223566357392595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,celestialsouffle,2019/07/08,"Over attached to my bf - work This is such a stupid problem but I don't know how to fix it. I've been in a relationship for 4 years with my bf and we spend all of our time together. He is the most genuinly good kind person I've met in my entire life not only to me but to everyone, an actual angel. He works for the emergency services so this means hes switching from day to night shifts often which is where I have a problem. I'm in uni but it's the holidays now which are exaggerating this problem but even so it happens anyway. 

When I'm home but he's sleeping in the day I can't settle on doing anything at all and I feel like I'm in limbo and can't relax until he wakes up. I tend to feel more frantic and upset even though I shove those feelings down and just try and get on with my day. I end up counting down the hours, checking the time too often until I know I can go wake him and make him a coffee and talk even though it's only for about an hour before he has to leave. 

When he works in the day I also feel the same about the time checking but less agitated more so looking forward to him getting back. He works 12 hour shifts the majority of the time so I know it makes sense to miss him but I just can't deal with how unsettled I become? I never push this onto him at all but it makes me miserable and I know he can see it. 

I've been under what feels like an immense amount of stress recently so my bpd has been intensified but this has always happened. I moved to a new city a couple of years ago but don't have many friends here except for at uni but I don't feel very close to them. I have massive trust issues after being brought up by abusive mentally ill parents and subsequently ending up in abusive relationships and find it hard to have good boundries with friends. (I'm either all in and want to be close with them or feel totally indifferent. It's also a 'friend group' situation which I'm not good at and don't feel a deep connection with any of them) 

I know it won't effect our relationship because I don't let it buy it does effect me, badly. Any one have a similar experience or any advice?",3.23364864864865,4.195678119369372,4.8104391891891884,85.28701013513515,72.98648648648648,7.712162162162162,25.361486486486484,8.07648339933343,1.3292918918918921,1671,51,360,24,32,564,207,444,0.161,0.759,0.08,-0.9885,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,3,6,30,21,1,4,23,0,31,5,3,7,6,78,65,41,0,4,19,1,9,2,5,1,2,0,1,1,22,22,0,0,17,2,4,5,12,10,0,1,5,11,40,11,59,56,13,59,1,2,2,0,34,28,0,6,30,242,62,5,0.0,0.18662529211652545,0.07685421884954728,0.0,0.0,0.07695917487388775,0.06981219100566463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596183638112754,0.06553106528252385,0.0,0.0,0.16066976401183786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480924442135501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055828484128745,0.06575773381521237,0.04800875391559916,0.0869795015716731,0.06701531427825869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919006820787643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714170256981323,0.0,0.2031636878919823,0.0811936857647924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891965840873726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395083781203653,0.0,0.0,0.15605222435058114,0.0,0.0,0.0752544623080241,0.0,0.07703820296886603,0.0,0.0,0.3185700536604017,0.11252619949185773,0.0,0.0,0.07198129828281331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253941407902344,0.0,0.0822932229058256,0.0,0.04475868872626672,0.1981696758824477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928684036442107,0.0,0.07054965296308766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899840519777425,0.0,0.2326755504525307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220050685622715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201195968584228,0.21641041128932784,0.0,0.0,0.08339093255649306,0.0,0.0805330561878227,0.055627491787776484,0.07695213014848211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661349668930931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771015733431085,0.07984593553430253,0.0,0.08578806351474412,0.0,0.0,0.07936723889037471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370486317658725,0.0,0.0,0.06074126385422679,0.07606276194586402,0.0,0.0739069050634853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336691184923631,0.11979454283626065,0.0,0.0,0.08744890328357809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876645407199597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260757540673404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776176907984364,0.2536624986917142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275810967211885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852472530489655,0.07881259313576502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021440739095654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330086186915948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475418358438064,0.0,0.18369236697562305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053469961977629606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498171424259326,0.046452162199352165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293403989318335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143219889316267
bpd,Johnmayer69420,2019/07/08,"Did anyone else self diagnose themselves with multiple mental illnesses before discovering they had BPD? For example, one month you believed you may have had Bipolar, next month ADHD, next month Asperger's, GAD, MDD, and it was just an endless cycle until you got formally diagnosed with BPD?",9.51768707482993,10.827009204081634,9.082040816326533,59.040340136054446,59.0,13.063945578231294,40.82312925170068,12.45797560212912,6.122668027210883,237,12,31,8,3,76,41,49,0.07,0.93,0.0,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,0,4,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089238356601368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851752523566035,0.18832524788658736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640061744430475,0.2070801293116104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629803822941253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731071088539778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354166376465306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470019840731454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852275901559315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401232182045803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909476575937052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454791944509586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174392045674896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway062718,2019/07/08,"How do you all handle breakups in a healthy way? I just lost the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with a few days ago. We were together for a year and I've never had a connection like that with anyone; it was something like out of a movie. 

Anyway, I pushed him away and my BP symptoms and episode caused me to be blocked. I'm trying so hard to handle this in a healthy way and I haven't had the chance to talk about this with my therapist yet. In the past, I have self-harmed, had suicidal ideation, binge ate, and binge drank. 

I've stopped drinking but I've been overeating since it happened. I'm fighting off bad thoughts and feelings and trying so hard to handle this in a good way but I feel so overwhelmed with emotion. I have a job that keeps me very busy but I wasn't able to concentrate at work last week because of the breakup. 

My heart constantly aches. Please help. what do you all do when you go through a breakup? I feel like breakups have to feel harder for us.",2.298289328932892,4.179756331683174,2.3975577557755763,97.86127612761278,77.26732673267327,5.677007700770076,25.57865786578657,6.42735559955562,0.5728407040704071,777,29,177,6,18,233,115,202,0.145,0.7759999999999999,0.079,-0.8467,1,0,2,0,2,0,20.0,2,3,0,2,10,8,1,1,14,0,16,6,1,2,3,32,30,15,1,1,4,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,13,3,3,6,1,1,2,3,4,0,0,12,6,22,4,26,16,4,25,0,2,0,0,10,9,0,0,14,109,30,2,0.1398324140309658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239529980333762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777407515601964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137715598368535,0.0,0.11675422491202035,0.0852405417157334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364640782099275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511091631922992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018033900298654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698253099433727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729264485645206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828138801119725,0.0998963045235594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946998333304375,0.11728479458522607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365334192394395,0.0,0.250524754173076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570208389351818,0.0937267195841722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387620944302897,0.12428947450205075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398208061892402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876776936584652,0.20494516286242084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264359810792724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078473780955656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334858615600062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349399972015856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587570415062773,0.0,0.0,0.1156708178747106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076498239146852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690615941091187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295396523069765,0.0,0.0,0.14533941905325226,0.0,0.11239199764038753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235621027232114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202263461673954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987406057260225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682011769682231,0.0,0.0,0.1153763860106326,0.0,0.33297738478397315,0.1121651279744501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017996628105564,0.0,0.0,0.09933293493964264,0.0,0.0,0.0900474900501622
bpd,blackenedmessiah,2019/07/08,"I feel so crazy and I hate this hell brain! I have this image of who I am, who I should be & I'd love to be. But I'm not that person. And I can't be. 

It feels like while I'm standing still my brain is constantly spinning with manic ideas and feelings. I feel like I should be moving along with this feeling of speed. These sudden bursts of mania ""you should do this!"" 

Every day, every minute this feeling just takes me. I can't stop and I don't know what to do. 

I have an identity crisis every day, I question who I am. If I see another person, I want to look like that. Then I see someone else and change my mind. I know what I want to look like, how I want to dress but I'll go thru different phases of liking a certain look. Right now, I'm obsessed with iridescent and mint colors when I used to love just black. Simple things as this throws me off and confuses me. 

I hope this made sense and I'm not alone in this feeling.",0.4029635001208618,2.4454918730964468,2.084815083393764,96.82399323181049,84.58375634517766,4.970655064056079,17.502779792119895,6.1826913282559595,-0.41919511723471103,717,16,166,6,21,234,104,197,0.077,0.731,0.192,0.9475,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,0,7,13,2,2,2,0,17,4,2,3,1,44,46,17,0,8,7,0,7,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,18,12,0,1,11,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,1,15,27,9,18,38,0,18,1,0,7,2,9,3,1,4,16,104,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212824191518756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268800342625768,0.0,0.0,0.12279172136606856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26144925629883986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387845345040682,0.0,0.0,0.12654572676523246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104228357806884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234672993226935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782374582954988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959906111077541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41447224426033547,0.16731547167669092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655179993355581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561404160840155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630876914540925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219397325487564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287124605794248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860507599665941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29500871521500804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137836420068976,0.11080480160949904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823969965227238,0.0,0.0,0.12446095866800308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449800580747504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131181108482635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000452033314143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866303628620793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922019634810124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351785725063562,0.09790256655156893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804617640578577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779740601164536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011385824711006,0.0,0.0,0.20720948891593405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,welltherehello,2019/07/08,"BED & BPD Hello, over the past mo’s ive gained 20 lbs and feel miserable... O would love to find a buddy to talk to and make myself accountable. Anyone else out there?",2.0321904761904754,3.670585742857142,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,77.28571428571428,6.9523809523809526,17.38095238095238,7.793537801064563,0.21309523809523773,131,2,29,2,3,43,32,35,0.0,0.81,0.19,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532118952223539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22794099211613725,0.3340170437072424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105751627138744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723242538751143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483120989400735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979505286041855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29422025719907896,0.0,0.2176020061923351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111959859391405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620197982664039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315751665645477,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,danceinurdrawers4me,2019/07/08,This disorder is so embarrassing I’ve lost control over my symptoms and I’m so embarrassed to be me right now I feel like I need to block all of my friends and start over,0.9941666666666648,3.2878200833333366,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,84.27777777777777,6.933333333333335,25.66666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.5881333333333338,137,6,31,3,4,45,28,36,0.318,0.557,0.125,-0.8270000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,7,7,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,2,5,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39107569704771744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996189476034989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630372851265044,0.24909797136074996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693902868594013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034805759402122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806267990716608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585427460747178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977719022903821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679839993940256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624133506998432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sindawgg,2019/07/08,"Idealisation When ever a guy is nice to me and shows the slightest bit of interest I become obsessed. And it’s always a new guy every year. I just got over a 1 year obsession with a guy I met ONCE when I was at a club. Now I have a new one and the last guy doesn’t cross my mind anymore. I don’t even talk to these guys, and I probably never would because I don’t feel like I’m good enough. I think about the person most of the day and it’s actually driving me crazy i feel like it’s consuming me LOL does anyone have any tips on how they deal with this shit because I feel like an actual fucking psychopath.",2.3061068702290086,3.3953485038167983,4.201442748091605,88.27285114503815,75.41221374045801,7.377404580152671,23.787022900763358,7.908726449838941,1.0145566412213736,478,14,109,7,10,163,83,131,0.086,0.757,0.157,0.8395,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,2,11,1,8,2,1,1,2,18,16,8,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,7,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,4,0,1,3,3,16,6,10,12,3,16,0,0,0,1,10,3,2,1,14,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.24177632550046746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030773613167314,0.0,0.0,0.08424205754589321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228548113211898,0.08661916921119395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103113774785468,0.13681476826294706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524392739208546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989179167542967,0.12771394525836596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840746294899102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280002580154052,0.0,0.08182099814958159,0.11205576682808596,0.10437351131228684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791103340228107,0.2654978292954914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452426108602498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039039382562992,0.09907745818684566,0.0,0.0,0.6132990831140953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100978026255119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156325910184576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250826090364582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554322326584824,0.2392864746526029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192723227276698,0.08394370565053058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816647955118587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356265618191349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716014848922133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956935359462173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937674556709384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800018088692396,0.0,0.0,0.15954819854346824
bpd,radicalmoon,2019/07/08,"I need a bit of help I recently started talking to my dad again. We had not been talking for few good years due to a fight we had. I went to a grief group therapy where I was mourning his loss in my life and well, I finally started talking to him and it’s not easy. I’m not the same person anymore and I told him about my suicidal thoughts and he just won’t understand me. 

Here comes to the part where I need help , my dad lives in Mexico and I live in the US. I don’t really know how to explain to him that I have bpd. Are there any Spanish speakers that would help me? I want to let him know , maybe he can understand me more.  Thank you in advance!(:",0.5445015416238448,2.45432752517986,2.4591212744090463,95.115773381295,83.10071942446044,6.273586844809866,22.87821171634121,7.447530270364453,0.7787981500513874,502,18,119,8,14,167,85,139,0.127,0.753,0.12,-0.4597,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,3,1,0,2,9,7,1,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,0,24,27,6,3,4,4,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,8,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,4,1,0,7,1,27,3,15,17,5,16,0,3,0,0,24,6,0,0,7,82,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166312073456342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826090292683033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321205962458582,0.0,0.18828630156842616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877847153377595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637667113394265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253910330239996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30061416483285125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643193384126896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287086275441553,0.10559418784043874,0.0,0.0,0.2640172688069829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018988088172022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217003371814784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189073718648905,0.0,0.0,0.1305350580267371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577163856782604,0.0,0.14761030179732365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162956344016864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635255087688068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604801987571801,0.0,0.13763679843297802,0.17096290591316415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868395902366118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285083819887154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311263403496304,0.1798265445276638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881772336524933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441580217071775,0.13858526345438793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061984153140726,0.0,0.0,0.09627119899505256
bpd,sadpandas93,2019/07/08,Trying to make friends with bpd No one really understands ( friend wise ) what I’m going through and I feel alone and I just am looking for people who know what it feels like,0.5203921568627443,2.8431888823529405,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,101.35294117647058,4.6196078431372545,17.43137254901961,6.42735559955562,0.04364313725490199,138,4,28,2,6,42,30,34,0.10099999999999999,0.6,0.299,0.8497,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,9,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,4,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055579621364375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37157492073370985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983480215703637,0.2107666342613346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45587271348608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767007540263698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621385747053981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441348018850431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477475368756348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693214676690146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991725379828126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453388204765335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900121099061915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030328885180185,0.0,0.0,0.3071324719802096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StrikingCriticism,2019/07/08,"Does anyone else feel trapped all the time? Even at the mere idea of doing things? So after a few weeks, I start to feel trapped whenever I get a job, start classes, relationships, etc.  Even if I´m originally indifferent/or excited about the commitment, after a few weeks/months I start dreading having to continue the activity. It gets to the point where I start crying if my shift manager calls me to come in on a day off.  And when I was in school, during final weeks, I would get these frequent suicidal thoughts (ex: “if I step in front of this car I won´t have to go to class” or “I wonder what would happen If I jumped off my dorm roof?” I would feel so pressed over assignments I would visit suicide forums and looking up methods, etc.). Those thoughts/plans would calm me down because I knew I had a “way out” if I really wanted one.

I was recently diagnosed and I don´t know if this is a bpd thing. But I´d love you all´s perspective.",5.148608058608058,5.961631571428577,5.690934065934068,81.27489926739928,68.45054945054946,9.363369963369964,29.452380952380953,9.516144504307137,2.4853172161172163,734,26,146,15,12,237,117,182,0.127,0.81,0.064,-0.9237,2,2,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,11,0,12,2,0,1,2,30,32,14,2,12,8,1,4,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,8,0,0,7,0,1,0,1,5,5,22,3,22,22,5,37,0,0,1,1,6,13,0,8,16,98,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626835387652136,0.1264147368133084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520972410759269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538952911051795,0.0,0.12598213023125232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627871430112212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552429174313688,0.07956822281775715,0.0,0.0,0.12522547427457606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796840308797193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030659947750346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751968514274684,0.16297923166841255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714997701404715,0.0,0.0,0.1351539222292469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337881383734706,0.0,0.07011822544776264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910223637592276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927807856098698,0.0,0.0,0.12243304217255488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780499804554396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360595116962916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135292967733973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847867172907247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360372618109413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663153173818427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903872823052338,0.0,0.12182030820660557,0.13246116584339265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486452592363807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493086638263098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699097235802713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639329382352354,0.0,0.0,0.097947882304951,0.07194236005997606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277119313191031,0.0979312454676246,0.19793183289669655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379753842930153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382188616610495,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vecrobahn,2019/07/08,"How to start climbing up when your body and brain won't let you? It's been 4 weeks since my FP got burnt out and left our friendship.  Also been 4 weeks since I started seeking professional help.  My FP was my mental support but now she's gone, my emotions have been all over the place.




4 weeks ago I was determined to try to get better but now I feel like I'm killing myself inside out.  My negativity has slowly been taking over majority of the day.  Zero motivation,  zero interest in anything,  , low concentration, self esteem has plummeted, everyone irritates me on an insane level that I'd rather self harm than be near them... and worst of all, despite of my irritability,  I still yearn for compassion and intimacy but my body won't let me.



My body and brain would rather avoid everything and everyone to not get hurt but my heart knows avoidance won't solve anything.



Everyday, every hour, every minute, I'm having internal conflicts with myself.  I want to be mentally and physically healthy,  I want to make new friends,  and most important of all, I want to love myself.   Why is everything a billion times harder with BPD than it should be?   These extreme shifts makes me want to kill myself because it's driving me crazy.",6.236259097525473,7.269788462882098,6.595441048034935,74.96815429403203,66.11790393013099,9.774788937409026,32.29723435225619,9.888512548439397,3.1762766229985453,974,39,174,21,15,315,141,229,0.183,0.622,0.195,-0.6417,0,2,0,0,0,2,29.0,1,2,1,3,8,15,2,2,4,0,21,7,6,4,3,39,40,15,2,9,7,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,5,12,0,3,3,0,0,3,5,9,0,3,8,1,29,6,25,22,6,30,0,3,0,1,10,12,0,1,16,114,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560033102876958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624563333107828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749866122675464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657428552305085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953823789733546,0.0,0.3593828906779261,0.1358301926760871,0.24078702873056546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955273690637777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131395896223912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173239628398374,0.20610587934291907,0.19385281757153885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453095323873325,0.07704629926281847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833227366183857,0.0,0.1126917697022701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625552435497133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779984610063094,0.07228792817157055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620809596496897,0.0,0.1154530148400163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863463307573604,0.0,0.059270183786820835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717666037300895,0.22056281916978213,0.0,0.05268885712931517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733660935649267,0.0,0.1439781317137583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173698948982592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415981959937444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267771801048646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501699558892094,0.0,0.0,0.17842518784762712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526700781659768,0.0,0.08612717932114324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238410261757054,0.0,0.0,0.08108792317085067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288676389236539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322139574078604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544450772444503,0.0,0.2595263575961527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973156240969572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661179328419357,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anon39763,2019/07/08,"I think my therapist ditched me I started seeing a therapist about 2 years ago. She was always even and non-reactive as I took her through my anxiety, depression, family drama, employment/career issues, and I stuck with therapy despite the struggle. She diagnosed me with BPD as well as seasonal depression (winter is pretty rough up here) and was very encouraging as I made progress, non-linear as it was. This Spring she told me I was doing so well she didn’t think I needed to come in until September, since I tend to do ok on my own during the warm season, but that I could always get in touch if I needed an appointment before then. 
A few weeks ago I went into major crisis. I was losing it, I thought my marriage was ending, I spent DAYS crying and screaming myself into oblivion. Finally I texted my therapist to ask to schedule an appointment. She didn’t respond until after 10pm the following day, letting me know that her rates had increased by 50%, and did I still want to schedule an appointment?
I have read that therapists tend to dislike working with clients with BPD. And my therapist knows I am sensitive to rejection, and that I wouldn’t have reached out unless I was in crisis. And I know that I can be prone to splitting. 
So I can’t make sense of the situation. It feels deeply logical that she was trying to get me off her books, or that she decided she can’t put up with me anymore unless I pay substantially more. 
The intense feeling of her indifference when I was in crisis is still with me over a week later. I had an appointment with a different therapist in the interim but am not sure if it’s a good fit, and I feel like there might be some benefit to picking up where I left off with my first therapist. Maybe she assumed I was in an ok enough place to process her note about the price increase, and it’s all projection that she’s over working with me, but the mere possibility that she finds me to be a waste of her time has prevented me from ever getting back in touch.",8.010081179813284,6.726921876606685,8.2898525233392,72.09431335407929,62.88174807197944,11.994100933567855,37.1831957786497,11.10113133989139,4.059279691516709,1586,65,297,37,19,524,201,389,0.131,0.757,0.113,-0.946,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,5,15,16,0,1,19,2,34,1,0,3,3,59,63,29,0,7,9,0,7,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,15,23,0,1,13,3,3,7,6,6,2,1,22,9,64,10,57,34,9,57,0,4,1,0,22,22,0,6,29,227,79,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616525182689658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720189155397947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307029242135527,0.0,0.0817634070394003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707505949547283,0.0,0.0,0.06339520953663734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015472617773519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767348924996373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101917213551844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582572103917762,0.0,0.09056209483848107,0.10634056593497794,0.0,0.14201972498627247,0.08368006304686876,0.0,0.0861376046037252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302190679802091,0.08518784966345656,0.0,0.05445422530977738,0.07457633262993475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772192328997665,0.0,0.12506019215720415,0.05889881139999039,0.0,0.09031460091240502,0.07535334759426665,0.07012777838209322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922251983934585,0.0,0.0,0.06915105648110025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605128711663043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592904824388155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957686593418494,0.08430572274352194,0.0,0.040278521987858674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223500251215158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801156757125438,0.055032758916845406,0.0,0.0828272061029574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746124540568488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226402613160615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861376046037252,0.0,0.0,0.09294448708464567,0.0,0.08387632830266946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288011878167285,0.0,0.0,0.08246743249868348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569808777138178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819945661632036,0.09267177108112212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058355081466314636,0.0,0.1316815613413175,0.0,0.0,0.08618954193278197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770355148346289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942831818022544,0.6700759850765029,0.0,0.10565500996615512,0.0,0.06545221740277836,0.048074413456476485,0.0,0.0,0.078779846871283,0.0915995637335602,0.055974825779358965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802585973588332,0.04862826884505912,0.0,0.13226500719383227,0.0,0.1482561312989687,0.07642745377772196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004206099631078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309195529106085
bpd,wiccanlol,2019/09/30,How do you guys deal with the sudden self hate? I think everybody has a different coping mechanism for that and i am open to learn new ones,1.90845238095238,4.33853960714286,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,81.5,8.019047619047619,20.047619047619047,8.841846274778883,1.4623190476190482,111,3,23,3,3,36,27,28,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.5719,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896523960037657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948798832749601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37423236236086094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731498118547644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650288462667839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25611037205055315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942868497956534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421766787849924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,silentmarscar,2019/09/30,"Recently diagnosed. Next steps, confused— advice please! I’m gonna try and keep this as short as possible! 

So, I finally went to see the psychiatrist yesterday (referred by my doctor, been waiting several months) and she worked in the mental sector of a hospital near me.

So, to cut straight to the point, I was diagnosed with bpd along with a a few anxiety disorders. She had explained what bpd is, treatment for it, and we went over medication that we were going to start with.

So, she put me on abilify and she said I’m going to be starting a new medication alongside abilify 1 week after I’ve been on abilify, and that will be discussed with my family doctor. She also put in a referral for me for a dbt program within the hospital, but she said the waiting list will take up to 8 months. 

I then asked her if I’ll be seeing her again in a month or so to discuss how the medication has been and how I’ve been feeling, and maybe change medication/dose accordingly, and she said no.

Basically, I won’t ever see her again. She diagnosed me, explained my symptoms, put me on medication and said good bye.

Is this normal? I had the impression that I’d be having a follow up. I almost got the impression that she didn’t want to work with me, because she was rushing our appointment (even though she took me in a half hour late) and when the receptionist asked her if I’d be booking a follow up, the psych said no. 

So, what I’m asking is, was my experience normal? What do I do now, aside from seeing my family doctor (who doesn’t know much about drugs and what not in relation to mental health)?",6.106858974358971,6.049332891025642,7.243717948717951,74.00128205128206,66.24358974358975,11.03589743589744,32.717948717948715,10.746095033038511,3.477267948717949,1250,48,241,32,18,425,157,312,0.028999999999999998,0.9159999999999999,0.055,0.7555,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,3,0,0,2,16,4,1,0,20,0,27,13,0,2,1,39,62,28,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,4,13,5,0,0,12,19,0,3,5,1,0,12,6,1,0,1,20,10,37,3,39,33,2,49,0,0,4,0,32,17,0,4,21,172,49,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021420515672363,0.0,0.0,0.08219800539346543,0.0,0.0,0.06564473048178225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279612583300008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302200425358203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003931035143113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677073250263328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683687888256494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24994891733014896,0.0,0.0,0.09407850733335928,0.2520577476884703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519454911730828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421751276887196,0.07425214927983079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029657578808916,0.15476813211183385,0.0,0.041505518482654526,0.0,0.0,0.08992200330328991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330356376398402,0.06885045680875496,0.06565225890464342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725435830971423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808388965947951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296245967986917,0.0,0.0,0.04511272153751497,0.0,0.09259740993019057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246715620230795,0.0,0.0,0.3307749889254054,0.16544823910879336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656254066022905,0.0,0.060343193553833975,0.0,0.0,0.07927987795491223,0.0873001714784156,0.0,0.16085513876162905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010658231964068,0.07759849517677743,0.09254045735920567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475595166087586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105074552243885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904164023440609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261649992622027,0.0,0.0,0.09273464288965973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620282380402895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531954572222088,0.06171900716925732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806497980990612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120138039050736,0.055731503187556486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841688173941831,0.0,0.06584502557526017,0.0,0.0,0.1521904472063805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952023810539072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chrysantha,2019/09/30,"Why am I being turned away? I'm honestly not sure if I should be asking this here, but I don't know where else to turn. I've been trying to get into therapy for BPD treatment, but I'm being turned away by every therapist that is supposed to specialize in this. Do I need a professional diagnosis from a psychiatrist, and then I get referred? I'm 99% sure I have it, but of course I can't self diagnose, but that's exactly why I'm reaching out. I'm feeling helpless.",4.575937499999998,4.828171385416667,6.506250000000001,76.91375000000002,69.52083333333334,10.15,31.625,10.125756701596842,3.0861374999999995,367,15,75,9,6,129,64,96,0.096,0.835,0.069,-0.5162,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,3,17,25,7,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,7,4,12,20,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,47,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451440765381328,0.0,0.3306717009050688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216364235915064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786125900479905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700590578141695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826791293430727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897907904533403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388106733066534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671216171686198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304844522214932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358201945779232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317118099831072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124462968239085,0.2043224478459419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947659031203894,0.5742361692649459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175831007743565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,steakoutwhoa,2019/09/30,"does anyone else question how they feel about their so bc of their family? I love this man. I do. but lately I've been have thoughts like he doesn't love me. we won't make it together. and I've been splitting on him for no good fucking reason. we don't see each other often. like every month/2 months at best. and we just spent the weekend together and I couldn't even fucking enjoy it. we went out, we spent time together. things I always want but in the back of my mind I'm hearing they say. he's too old for you. you need to be at school. are you really gonna not do what I say? why would he want to be with you and not someone his age? they make question how I feel about my man. and I feel so bad about that bc we have no problems and I should've been able to enjoy our time together. it hurts my heart bc he doesn't deserve any of that. he truly cares for me. he loves me. I put up a fucking sticky note on the wall that says he loves me just as a reminder and I feel so bad about that. I feel so bad about questioning whether I love him or not bc I know in my heart that I do and I know in my heart that we'll have a beautiful life together. I feel like shit bc I know he loves me. I don't ever wanna lose him.",-0.9391473892927992,1.1101044981273418,1.1730215906587351,100.63954560475875,92.03370786516857,4.4894910773298085,16.092641551002426,6.068283710208149,-0.6946474113240804,939,22,233,9,34,310,124,267,0.145,0.6409999999999999,0.214,0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,8,4,5,2,18,24,4,0,6,0,20,14,4,5,1,54,52,19,0,7,9,0,6,3,0,4,1,4,0,2,13,17,0,0,14,1,2,2,11,10,0,0,7,11,49,14,26,38,2,21,0,2,1,9,44,10,4,5,12,145,62,1,0.08972739734200758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466038250048578,0.0,0.0,0.061017707076126027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273948248743462,0.09193632207013466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899483001430247,0.22475588659405654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416336776993656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148306160773224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852105007625124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495572691109582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059264099705157364,0.08116356788628971,0.0755992021715561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458700468018095,0.0,0.27221320861651915,0.06410127058951193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488545989840029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752590838029433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112929799304776,0.31898219361255964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605503464079154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793549301501344,0.0,0.10121641245211843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337711429705098,0.13150882210620074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038200624633836,0.0,0.0,0.4858948757558723,0.0,0.11978746894089813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905990929096944,0.0,0.14323910501817275,0.0,0.0,0.06653172819737516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415380973757972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585700130659883,0.0,0.0902008172021578,0.3015456603078374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748166833860983,0.09225470854450822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406448328116534,0.0,0.09080891642723214,0.0715011186362843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210388395422386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602573259147302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961089579989319,0.0,0.0,0.07123353084201188,0.10464153391747988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058470874180383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317819627636783,0.08096501989728512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373976866696551,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AstroSack,2019/09/30,Love and bpd I have a crush on a girl w bpd and we’re like super close and shit and I always try to like understand what she goes through but obviously I can’t so I read this sub all the time just to try you know. How do I show her that I’m not a threat and I care about her without like making her uncomfortable. I personally don’t have bpd so I got no clue,-1.0985185185185171,0.8718562469135842,1.554185185185187,98.34683333333336,91.46913580246914,5.215308641975309,15.507407407407406,6.742157984588678,-0.551420740740741,280,6,73,4,10,96,55,81,0.16399999999999998,0.65,0.18600000000000005,0.2034,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,2,0,4,0,5,2,1,2,2,16,12,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,13,6,6,11,1,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,4,44,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590433605636984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7222004577970849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487944027952075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287170436703335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504526036327312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801432876587214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251084473614414,0.0,0.12758708819671616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689562274789008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119120666773567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620193112395787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114549688294722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595423225754667,0.0,0.0,0.1989829412513188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425163944321585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,THATBOYDEAN,2019/09/30,"BPD Hello people just wondering if anyone with any UK experience could tell me what the likely outcome would be if I get diagnosed with BPD. I lack energy and motivation to do anything and it is really taking a toll on my life rn. I am unable to get up for work if it requires awaking at even 7am as I trouble to sleep m even with 8 hours sleep I really struggle with being lethargic.

I also have severe anxiety and have been taking street benzos just so I don't kill myself and have some motivation to look for work but then I fo OTT with them and can bareky speak. I just want help badly and am counting the days til my appointment comes and somebody can help get doses right  and srugs etc.

Basically can anyone from the UK give some advice on their regime? Thanks for listening.

PS I am on 4mg bupe daily.

Cheers in advance x",3.6243744207599633,5.188999120481932,5.09963855421687,81.2441102873031,72.855421686747,7.99925857275255,24.215013901760894,8.617729084823388,1.6415816496756257,658,19,127,12,13,221,110,166,0.083,0.777,0.14,0.8959,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,6,7,7,1,1,4,0,17,5,2,2,0,31,29,17,1,7,7,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,14,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,3,16,3,21,24,4,14,0,0,1,0,9,8,0,6,5,85,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543353510870627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901813645813587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120851652240327,0.0,0.11385343223411405,0.0,0.0,0.2081287630823148,0.0,0.12247321439408924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426562141752515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748886936686678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820261634487565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882748568100995,0.0,0.0,0.09598210149819997,0.0,0.0,0.15105784390222965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598317261775986,0.1965997052859294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558287838381848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23327032174451864,0.14276990511703586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951327776497746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656614103571594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465673812154988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512200518241048,0.07271011117243838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497849730485162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317897626193298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068675827249248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709876722610802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813389743295604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978720613780261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558791302528827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238010930479762,0.0,0.1300827112651171,0.1370213317045934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778293391483608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139821223787038,0.21669791168209665,0.0,0.0,0.10572353074848306,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatsausername1000,2019/09/30,"I’m 16 and I want to see a doctor without my parents knowing. How can I do this? I’ve suspected I have BPD for around 2 years. Though I’ve had signs for a lot longer now that I’ve realized. A year and a half ago I went to my general doctor (family doctor?) and she said it’s probably just my hormones and sent me off to a gynecologist who put me on the pill. Well, it’s been over a year since I’ve been on the pill and I still feel like this. I don’t think it’s just “teenage hormones.” My mother will act out and start crying and screaming at me if I ask her to go to a doctor with me because of this. In October I have a yearly check up with my family doctor but my mom will be there. 

Should I ask her to sit this one out? Should I make an appointment with a different doctor, like a psychiatrist? How can I find one that works with my insurance? I’m sorry if this isn’t the right sub.",0.3901908917371131,2.1858253575129543,2.8617343877829318,92.63769020998095,82.98963730569949,6.550204526861192,19.484319607308425,7.669130373188453,0.4574932642487042,686,18,164,12,19,237,104,193,0.04,0.9079999999999999,0.052000000000000005,0.4423,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,14,0,15,8,0,3,0,35,30,13,0,5,6,3,1,2,0,4,8,2,0,0,11,14,0,0,6,0,1,5,3,1,1,3,6,4,25,3,24,19,1,25,0,0,1,0,11,11,0,3,10,112,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011636556077244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054242259880047,0.21117125269159484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688484616782947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422466332261644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406160396503076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800046595546484,0.0,0.6936062092210912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129435385477509,0.0,0.057106924108698574,0.0806858656146254,0.0,0.0,0.10322704199093816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418760359743106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207002970596194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035561957940054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601934267374512,0.0,0.0,0.0753897351206546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227643365785546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530649927636316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254088468347447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177069646583312,0.0,0.0,0.11353801489690735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645194443281156,0.10743380964519628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000023863062946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342688011418508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264294449113416,0.07994100643467908,0.0,0.09019571456336152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236874338386473,0.11096504917411623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661618242953125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154852026890647,0.10469846705222774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887216323765836,0.0,0.0822232008713556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909240623373893
bpd,lolitaemma,2019/09/30,"DAE feel extremeley abandoned, disliked, hurt, angry, confused, ugly, sad, when loved ones/friends basically anyone doesn’t respond to your texts of phone calls? It makes me feel so fucking insecure and I don’t know why. I know deep down they are probably busy or not by their phone. But it makes me feel like I can’t breathe because I am so hurt. Like I just want to die. I feel so unwanted, unworthy, insignificant and anxious as to why I’m so unimportant. I hate it. Then I get beyond angry at them when they do respond.",2.7398019801980205,5.138464415841586,3.7707821782178255,86.01716336633665,78.10891089108911,7.2083168316831685,27.921782178217825,8.238735603445708,2.0677794059405934,410,18,80,8,10,132,68,101,0.402,0.517,0.081,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,4,0,8,11,2,2,0,0,6,3,1,2,0,18,20,12,1,2,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,0,4,15,3,9,20,0,7,0,4,0,2,11,4,1,2,5,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298454146672653,0.0,0.1380135044465167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203217301144021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154824462907325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048504935383514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992074037835301,0.14100914835095754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524962034678771,0.18247571248452385,0.10312351549601248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487304289605675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226012528287039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695105977446025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286094056370712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814421354501786,0.0,0.2635069293187537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281028680737926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642052891451572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562116131845441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,olivertwistyhipps,2019/09/30,"How do you deal with your rage episodes? Hello everyone, I've always had  temper tantrums that I only got to understand why do they happen once I got diagnosed around a year ago, but lately I can see that my rage episodes are increasing in number and I tried doing everything from doing yoga on a daily basis, counting stuff, taking deep breaths & exercising as I read and been told my therapist that they help but I just seem to get even easily angered and it's affecting my life so bad and I am running out of ideas to control so has anyone tried anything that actually works?",7.551081081081081,7.231691810810813,7.78355855855856,72.20885135135137,63.32432432432432,11.003603603603604,34.71621621621622,10.504223727775694,3.649010810810811,465,18,82,10,6,152,84,111,0.18100000000000002,0.752,0.067,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,2,6,6,5,0,2,0,10,4,1,3,0,16,19,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,6,0,0,5,1,14,0,11,14,1,10,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,3,54,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.1728406920802219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700357884942312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737557476654184,0.19190625047774704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384436005375278,0.0,0.14575224140801016,0.15767172615370956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147885339183501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865183297309186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825999021290351,0.0,0.1797700782161709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169841415828854,0.0,0.0,0.16924293216624733,0.1591813846314861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253634877481193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833133708540961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662402303107748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871782564362825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994359152361368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979574791009488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510301091093304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886238785625778,0.0,0.13470549828752212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771649811290369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113935801768138,0.16124071094221756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027566482138347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316997966732325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564654720428946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924293216624733,0.0,0.240501702367406,0.0,0.0,0.18438509618831345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982058949763958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289433223923978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405757366575738
bpd,thesmellofass,2019/09/30,"How does BPD develop? What was your childhood like? My entire life i’ve just felt like there was something *wrong* with me. I started SH  in 5th grade, developed an ED the beginning of 6th, had a brief stint with prescription painkillers in 7th grade. Basically my entire identity revolves around me being crazy and hurting myself. I’m apparently doing everything right, I have a 4.00+ qpa, i’m setting myself up for a good college. But i have honestly believed my entire life i was destined to be some anonymous heroin addict, no matter how good or bad my life was. Like my life is empty/boring when i’m not living on the edge. 

I just want to know why i’m like this. I don’t understand why i’m so addicted to self harm. A lot of my symptoms sound like quiet BPD, but i know BPD is a trauma based disorder. I have enough childhood trauma to apparently have PTSD, but i’m guessing the trauma must be bad if it fundamentally changes your personality enough to have BPD. But I don’t really know what that *bad* looks like, so if anyone could tell me about their childhood it would help me understand more. 


I’m sorry if this question is stupid or i’m intruding on your space. I’m not gonna go out and self diagnose myself, especially because I already have other mental illnesses that are much more likely to the culprits. I’m just trying to understand myself and this disorder more.",3.5714035087719296,5.82273558270677,4.8355075187969945,80.13504072681704,74.75187969924812,7.891979949874687,26.87280701754386,8.72156446121922,2.2405017543859653,1099,42,200,23,24,363,144,266,0.165,0.75,0.085,-0.9802,2,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,3,1,0,11,20,1,0,10,0,24,9,0,2,1,39,48,17,0,7,14,0,1,7,0,3,9,2,0,3,10,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,6,4,28,10,20,35,8,18,0,1,1,0,10,9,0,9,13,124,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023935675669658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243857506507432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490785633431054,0.0,0.0,0.08263705948923117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325237987141409,0.05658740138134656,0.0,0.0,0.1045859485576126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676570620924599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982002606654738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411601601744891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421898910050046,0.0,0.0,0.21277904185498034,0.0,0.08123485938203691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918333420576127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834282840193338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912993223386692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052756584532660564,0.1557203089876179,0.0,0.0,0.10226107528638506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062220997127796523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937484565481396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304837315620196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26227010275387874,0.3174592657062095,0.0,0.08196927979056813,0.0,0.07795257347234608,0.0,0.0,0.07891948420926365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935493100178041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823963980081968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105427907970737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851156691157997,0.0,0.10398918204559043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059468323971690634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792750449404962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936807734067815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146392634160371,0.0,0.10391392300162912,0.06570450098196061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648437089859653,0.0,0.0,0.08113621403721566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302446852906833,0.0,0.0,0.2899132748972467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054752663483566465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675265931831712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594271395601932,0.10149340911938516,0.0,0.0
bpd,justicecatprevails,2019/09/30,"4 months too late Does anyone else experience emotions/react (very) delayed? Like, things don’t sink in until after weeks, and sometimes even months? 

I was going through a very tough time in a relationship that lasted for almost a year, and towards the end of it it got very toxic, so we eventually broke up. And aside from that a lot of things have been going on in my life already, and those issues are still ongoing till now. I didn’t feel much after/during that rough time. I thought maybe it was BPD making me so indifferent towards all this, since I tend to shut down under heavy circumstances. I GENUINELY thought I was over the breakup, over the things that happened. I never felt a THING except maybe sad for the first day and second. But now it’s suddenly weighing over me? Like it just sunk in. How I lost everything just like that so quick. I was moving forward and now I suddenly feel paralyzed. Is anyone like this too? Or is this more than BPD? Or is it just.. because I’m me(?)?. I’m so confused and drained right now.",3.594297960390186,5.60470127638191,4.095897132722435,86.54649423588532,73.92462311557789,6.89340821755838,25.273721548921074,7.724431198458867,1.3152888560449307,810,27,158,11,17,255,120,199,0.109,0.84,0.051,-0.8817,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,2,17,9,0,1,9,0,12,2,0,2,2,28,26,17,0,0,7,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,19,8,1,1,5,0,0,4,3,5,0,2,11,4,15,4,25,15,4,43,0,3,0,0,2,16,0,5,29,114,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610473463791608,0.0,0.1389713278407688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761119964104695,0.1290342905334775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676821259987895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172189912433689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121702769085766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020571369826494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520171816331796,0.0,0.11154016671456077,0.0,0.0,0.08317823562407221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131813811572292,0.12318764103362635,0.0,0.0,0.12735205359813673,0.0,0.12091641283598167,0.0,0.0,0.10711941710446336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314241681300535,0.0,0.10072094387107833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136304216788824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144240313444716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265303834777273,0.14205906519884134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895092598049054,0.24610001324499084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747186439333642,0.10706460438465487,0.0,0.0,0.08406193940300576,0.0,0.2530353090553791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103867412240412,0.13384793830060465,0.092575998333356,0.0,0.09712808346045217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520601307014785,0.0,0.10754696903016103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417392662544107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455197058561128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057107482738517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33465988085694603,0.0,0.0,0.19995509734186886,0.14686628511282432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31172627784820045,0.0,0.0,0.10101667841754082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109738301886459
bpd,666birdwithteeth666,2019/09/30,"Does anyone else obsess about sex? I wake up in the morning and it’s the first thing on my mind, will I have sex today? Will my partner initiate (he usually doesn’t, I often do)? Is my partner even attracted to me? Is he going to use porn instead of sex with me? 

I definitely crave sex as an esteem booster, almost all of my self worth is tied to sex.  I have a hard time distinguishing love from sex, and often use sex to make myself feel loved. Not that I don’t love my partner and love being intimate with him, but the insecurity i have often drives the want for sex. 

It’s a very fleeting high, and I almost immediately become anxious about the next time we’ll have sex. Also i often wonder if he’s just obliging. 

I guess I’m not sure if this is part of the BPD or a separate issue that needs to dealt with differently than I’m dealing with the BPD. 

Ps I go to therapy and am medicated, journal, exercise, try to use healthy distractions and coping mechanisms. 

Some more background: I definitely started to blur the line between love and sex because of my last relationship, who would definitely use porn instead of having sex with me, looked at porn constantly (like first thing in the morning, at work) and even took photos of unknowing women in fitting rooms, on the street, etc. so that fucked me up pretty bad and I feel the trauma from that experience has started to take over my life more and more as time goes on. 

Thanks! Sorry I wrote so much!",4.6426760563380265,5.8006183380281735,5.778281690140848,78.9269295774648,69.8450704225352,8.63774647887324,28.63661971830986,8.982922981607832,2.269380845070424,1144,41,220,21,20,381,153,284,0.09699999999999999,0.763,0.14,0.9213,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,0,3,14,15,1,3,15,0,19,24,1,5,2,48,47,19,0,5,7,0,3,1,3,4,3,0,1,5,10,15,0,0,4,1,1,4,4,6,0,2,2,4,28,9,40,40,8,31,0,0,1,20,19,15,1,14,13,149,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291616093664064,0.0,0.0,0.08102615526570107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446359087988305,0.0,0.07084581381719812,0.10381506665636266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459858165151886,0.061764179701352666,0.11190079156920893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552198379550151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949171980927844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445722892554292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058586031765234,0.0,0.0,0.08866645808796897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464047299624733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299940258055452,0.13384277993036794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911112086773556,0.0,0.0,0.10246161604372192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236673105906486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366938695371582,0.0,0.0,0.11516581740680422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116162127304165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907634772429363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705091954391037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057525235071897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825899222175153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156583162220713,0.049500193269423766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508389921782107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572295963367971,0.0,0.06763237745800599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020699811469193,0.0,0.0,0.10230505917183404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448239842310123,0.07512804125777868,0.0,0.0,0.10775575125402484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972048249654044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307961307426576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878055128746368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569962395672708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342026771105315,0.1434306756194412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549359376472286,0.0,0.07618058328579777,0.0,0.0,0.0932825200242881,0.11586909079421075,0.0,0.13462598854434107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724280633686815,0.0,0.09604020976690883,0.0,0.11257106478665957,0.06879012827570476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500343351578366,0.11159047524409896,0.08360021763608792,0.05976159470085595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109878015179579,0.07376270188822337,0.0,0.0,0.07197534319215201,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ifukitallthetime,2019/09/30,"Is this dissociation? Suddenly lose interest in sex as soon as it starts I've always considered myself as having a high sex drive. I initiate making out, touching, foreplay, etc. And enjoy it.

About half the time my partner and I have sex, I lose complete interest once he penetrates me. I get caught in my head and lose awareness of what's happening and will randomly snap back and realize I'm still having sex.

My partner is the most respectful man I've ever been intimate with and I know he wouldn't protest if I decided to end the sex. But i feel so distant from what's actually happening I don't even feel capable of stopping. I just let it keep happening until he finishes. 

I feel bad because I want to have sex, and I want to please my partner. I don't want to disappoint him by randomly ending sex when he's really into it. But I just lose focus on what's going on and don't want to continue but don't have enough energy or focus to actually stop the session.

I don't have a history of major sexual trauma. But I do have a pattern of letting men do what they want to me, and having reckless sex with people I barely know. My ex boyfriend made me feel guilty for turning him down so I'd go along with it for his sake and do things I wasn't necessarily comfortable with.

Idk I just feel conflicted about this.",3.213750000000001,5.007999541666671,5.2256060606060615,78.97090909090909,74.41666666666666,9.193939393939393,28.28787878787879,9.688023934748609,2.8674606060606056,1045,43,202,29,22,361,135,264,0.133,0.7929999999999999,0.075,-0.9566,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,4,13,13,1,0,7,0,24,10,1,2,1,51,49,23,0,7,9,1,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,12,17,0,4,9,0,0,4,7,8,0,1,4,6,32,5,33,41,4,27,0,5,0,9,14,8,0,5,15,139,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.2231405428422225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513230177251117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791325157785022,0.09546135943640063,0.06969493392989302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198735643866205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252613123137436,0.11813417628206466,0.12750895316750485,0.07551434949305995,0.10341866428345678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890451874794701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059733072257848185,0.0,0.12995354384951965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30330678297445857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733628326279925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207966624153794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016223799056721,0.0,0.0,0.12566632612932666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338217750891865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116272374144146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081824733446244,0.0763166304684863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217584648293461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079262512244848,0.0,0.0,0.12550077643578506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324317443378288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092385836865526,0.0,0.09130464521671028,0.19117117024696612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595623727387492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666715096531542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435897140728525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33717604721381755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wildcow17,2019/09/30,"Is past trauma a requirement for a BPD diagnosis? I believe that I fit most of the BPD symptoms and am planning to get assessed soon. However, I have noticed that many people here have talked about BPD coming strictly from past trauma or abuse. I had a pretty great childhood and have no memory of any traumatic experience but I still identify a lot with the disorder.",5.872352941176473,7.6183062352941215,6.7198823529411795,71.10747058823532,67.52941176470588,10.145882352941179,34.188235294117646,10.355215969177356,4.0374494117647055,296,14,48,8,5,98,51,68,0.198,0.711,0.091,-0.7579,1,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,7,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,36,7,1,0.0,0.2078834728860091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931426211227453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976757892803812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6629318766283426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113748423202988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010846849939716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716269964959055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166710888234778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343788518735816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491641233437113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778821100447555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997547475621497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349800599955131,0.12163722818195195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849908503714113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011723385690494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823631609565093,0.0,0.14102271833361207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chsugarmelon,2019/09/30,"Feeling left out and worried about being forgotten Hi everyone! Big fan of the sub and having a hard time at the moment. 

I’ll start with what triggered the feelings of being left out/forgotten. 

A couple of years ago I joined a fitness studio and made friends with a group of girls including an instructor, we’ll call her Cris. She ended up branching out into instructing dance classes and is opening her own studio this month. I love to dance. I’m not a professional or trained dancer but I’m not awful at it. 

During this transition I’ve been very supportive and attended all of the classes because I truly love the workout. I love Cris to death and we became really great friends. My husband and I actually invested in her new studio because we really believe in it. She was teaching at a friends location, but in September she took a break to work on opening the studio so we haven’t really seen much of each other this past month. 

The last day I took her class another instructor, Len, was there and told me about an event happening on Sept 28th where they were performing with drag queens and said I should be in it too because it’s definitely my scene (I have an extensive wig collection). Cris didn’t seem too excited about me joining and said maybe one song because she wanted to do something more challenging for one of the songs. I completely understood. The class is cardio dance so I figured jumping around in the background wouldn’t be too difficult and it’s always fun. 

I was really excited about it, but Cris never invited me to rehearsals. It definitely hurt my feelings but I knew she had a lot going on with opening the studio so I tried to brush it off, but I know my husband could tell I was upset. Of course I didn’t tell him though out of embarrassment. 

So fast forward to last week. On Wednesday there was an event where Cris was instructing one of her classes at a fitness store to promote the new studio. After the class she invited me to the event and said she was sent some free tickets and would text me the info. She never did and I never asked because it was a charity event and it feels shitty to ask for free tickets. At that point I really didn’t want to go anyways. 

I avoided social media all day yesterday, but I got on this morning and saw all the pics from the event. There was one with all the dancers in it and there was a girl that I recognized from one class early this year. I haven’t seen her since, but there she was. I don’t like admitting this,  but it hurt. And I feel stupid for being upset that this girl who Cris barely knew was asked and I wasn’t. I find the girl a little obnoxious, but that’s just me being petty. Either way it hurt a lot. 

On top of this, I have a wedding to go to on Saturday but my husband will be out of town. So I invited my sister in law (she’s my closest friend), but she recently became a flight attendant and probably won’t get it off. Another issue I’m dealing with. I told her about a month ago and she seemed really excited. We haven’t hung out in ages since she started in June. But I text her a couple weeks ago and she didn’t seem very interested and said I should probably find someone else. She is supposed to find out today, but I doubt I’ll hear from her.

So of course after my SIL said to find someone else I asked Cris. She said she would go (this was 2 weeks ago), but now I’m worried she forgot about that as well. I just feel like the two people I invited to this wedding don’t really care and now I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so worried about having to go alone this whole time and now it seems like a reality. 

I’m usually very open and honest in my relationships, but I’m feeling too embarrassed to tell anyone how  I’m really feeling about all of this. I feel like I just want to be accommodating to everyone else and not be a problem or a hassle and that if I say how upset I am that they will just laugh at me or think I’m being stupid. I feel like I suck at dancing and will never be included. 

I’ve always felt very insecure in my female friendships. I had a very cruel mother so when stuff happens like this I can’t tell if I’m having the appropriate reaction. I really don’t know what to do at this point. I just feel like I’m not important enough and I just want to run from all of it. 

TLDR; My feelings/ego are hurt from feeling left out and forgotten. Now may be dateless for a wedding on Saturday.",3.200078828828828,4.849508129504507,4.581261261261262,84.18423423423424,74.12387387387386,8.04144144144144,26.297297297297305,8.72156446121922,1.9241040540540544,3481,124,700,69,72,1156,311,888,0.107,0.736,0.157,0.9926,0,2,1,0,0,0,74.0,5,0,2,6,44,46,4,8,47,1,69,4,0,4,10,150,146,64,1,13,31,5,14,7,4,11,1,10,6,4,43,55,0,2,31,9,4,17,23,18,1,6,45,28,100,30,103,77,16,128,0,4,3,3,81,58,1,14,60,477,143,14,0.0,0.0,0.04749639067858796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257749270079448,0.0,0.0,0.050409024764651394,0.0,0.0,0.08099722109819192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207268236437712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03403226426403467,0.0,0.0,0.0433279791594914,0.1820052351874456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834855952614495,0.0,0.0,0.05483614527777818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969907220801713,0.0,0.0496238668997764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103117141888089,0.0,0.0,0.03886025491755351,0.10770824065639546,0.0,0.06277821853027099,0.05017820852838975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219764495277175,0.0,0.04310852760804605,0.05029069946426985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301546214622776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953174455544343,0.13908379819993402,0.046732299892872135,0.0,0.1779395804665114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504140081506865,0.0,0.025428864698936696,0.0,0.13830575587306207,0.0,0.03892706741855737,0.053660531787809114,0.0,0.0,0.08608014348939841,0.0,0.04360012930368039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485634974475606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084155108191163,0.0,0.0,0.050800430296017655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024579726690463,0.07934758335065477,0.0,0.0,0.15864527376066995,0.0,0.0,0.16644915167024488,0.048781657836298696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275758571836374,0.13178386369042785,0.04605417691562546,0.0,0.0,0.0488970920858428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654744863169485,0.0,0.035779173525970084,0.0,0.15015393255010845,0.09401453066735507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649054360609134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646248107050277,0.03374270941349804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202065256314793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495227909440323,0.046572079359579285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806220460721939,0.0,0.04805726242959727,0.052255006594386144,0.0,0.0,0.2777866145461686,0.038705552844535605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723492559611614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052318235212302,0.0,0.0,0.049614493762366256,0.08247845598465144,0.03746972036907895,0.0,0.0,0.06889991649817011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571725535428644,0.0,0.05523187354294065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016424411096726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03118675007112948,0.04781952944612464,0.0,0.056761519127717576,0.0,0.04613491782583391,0.09301546214622776,0.10815171762127072,0.03304477283973721,0.0,0.047545010909596334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536048121721836,0.20079554075441325,0.11483091373316652,0.03863319369963431,0.11712409256782635,0.0,0.04376154916661877,0.0,0.0,0.054340023198084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035433452285078264,0.14828489871426426,0.0,0.06914971451468549,0.0,0.0,0.06268573694632343
bpd,kikil980,2019/09/30,"DAE cycle between different hobbies/interests? I feel like I can’t simultaneously be interested in all of my hobbies at once. I cycle between all of them (occasionally adding a new one or dropping an old one) in days-weeks at a time. For example, I started the summer being super into antiquing for a couple weeks then got bored, so I moved to fashion and thrift flipping clothes, then got super into spirituality and wicca, then I moved to arts and crafts, after that I bought a ton of books, ted a bit of all of them, haven’t touched them since, then back to antiquing, after that I got deeply into astrology, then fashion again, then wicca and crystals and astrology, then went on a huge shopping spree and bought 15 house plants in the span of 10 days, then lost interest in the plants and moved on crystals and began to learn tarot, practiced tarot for maybe 10 days and now I don’t have any interest in doing it and I’m back onto plants with a sprinkle of overall home decor/interior design. 

I spend so much money on these hobbies just to lose interest pretty quickly. Luckily, I at least usually come back to them a couple more times before losing interest, but I don’t understand why I can’t enjoy fashion, reading, spiritual things, and taking care of plants all at once.",13.547396265560167,8.078324336099588,12.610202282157678,58.30957728215769,56.67634854771785,15.037551867219918,47.13744813278007,11.698219412168324,5.4120244813278005,1019,41,177,18,8,336,129,241,0.03,0.836,0.134,0.9683,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,4,5,9,14,0,0,12,0,9,0,0,0,4,26,24,23,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,16,0,0,3,4,6,5,5,4,0,2,8,2,18,10,38,14,9,51,0,3,0,0,4,18,0,1,28,122,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455216832717727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868181759335618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580005830350007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574178560221564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676797596625786,0.0,0.0,0.1071037257499667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751489659295249,0.0,0.16037177662762386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990377250008064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286758969575228,0.08882505883265085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29832654256382524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471829709108115,0.0,0.0,0.14346607411298692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074387581383945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781984671620351,0.1357265080728438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491137393377838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964457751073704,0.09140064434706884,0.0,0.0,0.12008366647634207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046882865730747,0.2648257622147644,0.16850543628529147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264935508724471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436880081886367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285132420007484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800506192269911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348456207739213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260275151798435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500165630226633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294372801874948,0.0,0.0,0.13693760614914427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946832145232488,0.0,0.0,0.11525993338189786,0.1121931373531898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EtherealOnEarth,2019/09/30,"Is this okay? Just want to start off by making it clear **I AM NOT ASKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS**.

I (F20) was going to therapy recently until I stopped because my therapist talked the whole time and never even asked me anything. She was literally trying to counsel me without ever hearing my story (how is that possible???). Basically, she was just throwing every possible kind of coping mechanism in the book at me, and I never felt heard at all, so I stopped going to her before I could ever gain any understanding of why the things in my mind were happening. Ugh, the journey of finding the right therapist can be so exhausting and discouraging.

Anyway, because I wasn't really getting anything from my therapist, I was doing a lot of my own research during the time. I identify with A LOT of the characteristics/symptoms of BPD. I hope to find a new therapist, and when I do basically I'm just wondering if it's okay for me to straight up tell him/her that I feel like I have BPD. Or am I just supposed to wait until they reach that conclusion (or not, I could very well be wrong. Who knows, I'm not a professional). 

SO, TL;DR/long story short: If you have experience with proactively bringing a possible diagnosis to your therapist's attention before they have diagnosed you, please share your experience with that! 

Thank you BPD community. Sending my love to all in here. <3",3.9208333333333294,6.4147552500000025,5.6246875,73.73489583333338,74.625,9.266666666666666,30.197916666666664,9.725611199111238,3.4717869791666667,1088,50,187,32,24,370,144,256,0.071,0.805,0.124,0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,5,2,2,15,13,0,0,13,2,20,3,0,2,7,48,43,15,0,6,12,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,9,7,0,4,9,1,0,6,7,4,1,0,8,4,35,9,32,31,6,30,0,1,0,1,20,10,0,8,15,143,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091569015053426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474291025324701,0.0,0.1674855165161438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921107886187284,0.0,0.15244750541667462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384587229781804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304049793100487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091915512781087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916501467657145,0.16205573725360567,0.07547280610470439,0.0,0.0,0.17524773241565172,0.0,0.0,0.045293014835509855,0.06399409818226448,0.08600833242498855,0.0,0.16374420500820466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680048388865602,0.0,0.10181777874993046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921298131483713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009602175643841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897055027322454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328105674866354,0.0492293854062514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376298314787296,0.0,0.0,0.07927316247892928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152310970345377,0.08084708279939586,0.0,0.059793596740834586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044761817616306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817519547822238,0.0865143918120161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832906367586128,0.0,0.3029551101601347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738556339853933,0.0,0.08844685607074416,0.0,0.0,0.07649859309168568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340333062799278,0.0,0.0,0.14978140140687546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931051964034726,0.0,0.07199890492649351,0.07829457841735317,0.08247081641872472,0.1024395407950583,0.5200312118761597,0.05951123095483945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446658129977256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060817161017616576,0.0,0.0,0.09325321171325834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391071981584643,0.052835059603677736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054082244578578,0.0,0.08082965259480533,0.10000994579586814,0.0,0.08634939775974021,0.0971428475127976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793880295545156,0.0,0.0
bpd,olive666_666,2019/09/30,"Welp fucked up yet again... So I think I have a strange symptom of BPD, hopefully there’s someone else out there like me. I’m a quiet BPD so if I get really angry it’s usually to myself. Ive been dating the guy for 4 years and I don’t think I want to admit this to myself but I’m terrified of him leaving me. I’m beginning to realize that I’ve tucked these fears away for a long time. I’ve been like this in every relationship but this one is by far the most scared I’ve been. In response to this I have to constantly be talking to another guy. If I don’t I have severe anxiety and depression. I begin cutting and thinking about suicide. It doesn’t seem to end. In response to that I think I look for the one thing that will make me feel better/ distract me from these emotions - sex/sexual attention/ the feeling of being wanted. I keep developing FP’s outside of my relationships then become obsessed with them. I then usually get drunk and end up cheating on my boyfriend. I moved with my boyfriend, hoping this would be a fresh start and that I would endure the depression and anxiety and emotions and get better.  Well that didn’t happen. I ended up going to a party when he was away on a trip. My FP was there and he ended up blatantly going to the bathroom to fuck another girl and it just completely broke my heart. I ended up sleeping in his friends bed because I’d had too much to drive home. I told his friend I didn’t want to do anything, just wanted to sleep, but then he began touching me and I couldn’t say no to him and we had sex. I left immediately after and went home and cried, cut, and honestly just wanted to die. I feel like I can’t tell anyone about these instances because I sound like a disgusting horrible person, I also see myself that way. I’m just so lost and I don’t know how to stop. I know I need to stop drinking, I don’t do it often, but sometimes I also drink to not feel anything. I feel like I’m worthless and don’t deserve to be alive. I’m not sure if this is just BPD or also sex addiction? How could I do this to someone I love? Sorry for the long vent. Idk where else to turn to at this point",2.245427482733988,3.951036805429865,3.9766325315551327,87.26921886163376,76.87330316742081,7.005572755417957,24.753750893069785,7.85451343220497,1.305818099547511,1676,58,352,26,38,563,204,442,0.223,0.655,0.12300000000000001,-0.9947,0,0,2,0,0,1,42.0,1,0,1,3,25,30,6,4,14,0,34,13,3,3,2,73,82,37,2,15,15,0,6,5,2,3,2,3,3,4,22,21,3,3,15,3,0,6,13,15,1,2,13,11,53,15,54,60,2,52,0,5,2,5,23,19,2,9,31,234,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790051600701125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738674588000562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519863888138179,0.11088173913266157,0.0,0.0,0.05067409642654136,0.0,0.11927653600516515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617962961937893,0.0,0.0,0.08835649784385118,0.08003961274008074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819116134447536,0.0,0.0,0.27382778138175223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598549662099842,0.07831646880138356,0.0,0.0578629823033299,0.0,0.07960707164715597,0.0,0.0,0.12484002763469206,0.0,0.07521447777314956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419899083326972,0.0,0.0,0.12108208683344153,0.16304245557777278,0.3209433359867437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610607723992349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155113066223613,0.18322006381407416,0.10354800001951904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111983350472885,0.13399836323301156,0.11359086175760302,0.0,0.08237499750334096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351731682052085,0.0640867363063188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587965024368754,0.0,0.0,0.14539061836089126,0.14396206530154235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441642946426081,0.0,0.0,0.07965741444607459,0.0,0.0,0.07673736716410005,0.07874102290885067,0.0,0.0,0.17703075395107498,0.0,0.0,0.1282708509546659,0.06085821421199266,0.0,0.07911173178649195,0.0,0.06540879525676335,0.0,0.048375612223276764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702625000207408,0.0532752471375531,0.05373705801244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982177841988923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327974124909938,0.0,0.0,0.06850945010652948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642740884470257,0.0,0.0,0.1556155783458617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763263066687474,0.0725570990474571,0.0,0.05775078844659429,0.06597577257957997,0.0,0.0818727138422301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504864524729738,0.0,0.12281055410395945,0.0,0.07167664550074683,0.08112645296931886,0.051296043444553865,0.0,0.0,0.12117964778274735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927258806134597,0.0,0.06830398745981847,0.07532614063523127,0.0,0.058250235728769875,0.06334370854322928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814716605992541,0.18574848479946574,0.0,0.0,0.04225899680490332,0.0,0.0,0.06925008664407997,0.0,0.0,0.07882870798087158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596353037144542,0.0,0.2137292698965305,0.05752488778330924,0.0,0.0,0.06516101735221914,0.06718225544080025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296403653894154,0.0,0.0,0.04666958175251028
bpd,throwaway_80_80,2019/09/30,"I have reached this point. I don’t want this life anymore. I have no other option. He did this to me. He told me stay away from him. I told him I’m like this. He lied and said we’d try again but he didn’t want to. I have been hallucinating his voice and seeing him in my dreams. 
I barely sleep. There’s no way out. I miss him but he hates me. I tried to ask my family for help and they don’t me to take an Advil",-1.8300354609929064,0.0007492234042558723,0.6458510638297881,104.38416666666667,94.0,3.984397163120569,11.02482269503546,5.46131890053228,-1.7661177304964544,313,3,87,2,12,105,57,94,0.128,0.737,0.135,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,9,3,1,0,0,9,20,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,3,21,1,9,13,0,7,0,1,1,0,17,4,0,1,2,53,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230919347870857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767833704906034,0.0,0.2187652345734572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195052345695625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298859080931777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607087580871604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446507820811498,0.1137561455353282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011347754349744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214886044225512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185547057465685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301283011840154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24818143989486324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507021582839738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449861257889205,0.0,0.3161724965772465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746756412530268,0.18482126298772994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veniversumvivus,2019/09/30,"I feel BPD is a taboo for everyone around me So , I was diagnosed 7 months ago with BPD when I was going through the WORST time of my life - had no job, was ghosted by my BF of 5 years; family away , no productivity at Uni , binge spending/ drug abuse , threats and attempts of suicide (last of which got me to the hospital), etcs.
I went to a psychiatrist and was on medication for a while. 
A few days after I left the hospital I went on a coffee with my closest (perhaps only) friends. I told them what the psychiatrist had told me such as ""behavioural theraphy would be a good idea"", ""learn your triggers"", ""eat/sleep properly"", etcs. As the conversation was going my best friend said something along the lines of ""Well, that explains A LOT"" referring to ""temper tantrums"" or times Ive overreacted. I took that comment to heart. I tried talking about it a few more times but I always get answers such as ""oh, you cant react like that""/""you're being a child""/""dont take me wrong but...you ARE mentally unstable"" (this was my personal fav)/""why do you have to be so dramatic all the time?"" 
I just feel theres no one whom I can actually talk to. I feel like BPD to them is just something made up and something I can control by myself bc its all in my head and its so, so fucking frustrating...
Anyways , sorry for the vent.",4.303245614035088,5.814471404761907,5.128663324979115,81.91575187969927,71.06349206349206,8.479866332497911,30.7234753550543,8.99025400887824,2.5347031746031745,1022,44,201,20,19,332,156,252,0.146,0.8190000000000001,0.035,-0.9737,1,0,4,0,1,1,59.0,0,3,2,3,14,14,5,0,17,0,21,7,2,4,2,29,38,15,2,1,4,0,3,2,3,1,4,1,0,1,9,8,0,2,8,0,1,5,4,7,1,1,16,4,31,7,33,18,10,26,0,0,0,1,18,9,1,2,14,143,40,2,0.0,0.1263053653729339,0.10402770259223552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449581235698684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870100134786445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489795046591,0.0,0.0,0.10015563380311386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187171471330533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027826345811584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956266519886245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874915918065243,0.0,0.0,0.1081982952427364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493618334150852,0.0,0.12362391532933414,0.10907996441630692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23777773933866375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186231726644952,0.0,0.0,0.10049442240802517,0.0,0.16170278918838427,0.07615614464502812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647201343307513,0.09855138419521976,0.055694892524785565,0.0,0.12116819685200525,0.08941229431553585,0.08525897093126186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940391040611132,0.0,0.0,0.12632331024819093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034013648005985,0.0,0.0,0.10578555618329152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689446381381258,0.0,0.0,0.11582285952434675,0.0,0.0752958036432495,0.10416023256441508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906287971713446,0.0,0.10086893237276437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738981276539508,0.10742925562769473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508831338495465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722359464089603,0.08107525690124656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308033234360767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101402453636476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667850278070352,0.0,0.0,0.24620116630415864,0.0,0.11933167006035653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660475685957405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015107364078641,0.17136452184227471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24864080601238805,0.0,0.0,0.20372463453289905,0.11843820714377985,0.07237543215572946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958475656073968,0.19764134747032755,0.09619128778227504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572665873235099,0.11655202364119553,0.0,0.06864788151962699
bpd,bhsangel,2019/09/30,"Healing for my FP’s sake? My fp (long distance but we’ve already met) told me that our relationship became a little suffocating for her yesterday... Which I actually totally get even I, who have BPD, sometime feel it because we keep arguing, like ALL the time, over the fact that she does not give me enough attention since her old (internet) friend came back into her life (however I know she’ll never leave me for her like, thats a fact I’m not scared that she’ll at all because I know she won’t she would never want me hurt and she loves me just as much). I did start asking a lot for her attention bc all of sudden when everything was going smoothly between us that other friend came back into her life and she spends quite some time with her and I don’t want her to stop talking to her friend or anything (she has plenty of friends too) but. I absolutely hate the fact that this means less attention for me when i’ve been used to pretty much having her for myself. I don’t want her to feel unhappy in her relationship I know i’ll always come first no matter what but I also get that my insecurity (even tho she’s ALWAYS reassuring me) and my need for attention can get a little too much for her, mentally, especially since she’s going through a lot of stress atm. At some point when we stop arguing our relationship gets back to being super sweet and those moments make me the happiest and I know it’s the same for her too. I know all those feeling of jealousy and insecurity are solely due to the illness, like, yes it also gives me attachment and abandonment issues but I know that I truly love her outside of the illness too I would never want to be such a burden in her life. What should I do???? I wanna heal from my disorder i don’t wanna make her sad or feel suffocated because she’ll never leave me even if she does and I don’t want her to suffer because me 🥺 How can I heal to make her happier? Can I even heal? Or if i cant heal or if it’ll take too long, what can I do to make the situation better?",2.1958831835686787,4.216285992682927,4.015455712451864,85.49100128369706,78.09756097560975,7.242618741976894,22.98459563543004,8.20500826718156,1.302585365853658,1587,50,329,30,38,535,180,410,0.155,0.653,0.192,0.9722,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,5,0,0,4,21,25,3,4,14,1,28,12,0,6,12,85,71,28,0,14,14,0,5,3,4,8,10,0,0,0,21,17,0,4,15,0,2,5,13,12,0,1,7,6,76,13,38,54,15,38,0,4,0,2,55,10,0,11,26,237,97,0,0.0,0.0,0.07469705856933949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446951482100018,0.12242631322662992,0.1273834512872348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299016500126864,0.0,0.07155941492861669,0.0,0.0,0.17657556672993388,0.0,0.18664493669995275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769799555918593,0.0,0.0,0.09640598063881264,0.0,0.0,0.17509459903616187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593689891385582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877274133213483,0.0,0.1339704140592314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909163769509603,0.0,0.20222949052865136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879387641799015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481418140032804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510929507048964,0.0,0.0,0.2365544795290319,0.0,0.15996679904560304,0.14685823222700645,0.08700478498956142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557252277140436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194320345183946,0.0,0.0,0.0798932858466645,0.0,0.0680368772709942,0.0,0.0,0.25240339035241904,0.0,0.0,0.1621005968590596,0.0,0.0,0.16219838315986482,0.11218833251020277,0.15343676858166738,0.0,0.13548015958709014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301519576359845,0.1381700355744504,0.0,0.20437802089421075,0.0,0.0,0.0833801462149505,0.0,0.0,0.07713954263834147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880855464477176,0.056757284613635224,0.2361454614522627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032129514027417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235994120703837,0.0,0.0,0.07787397141162307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141522614624762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465426466530483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663508337993312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663793569176854,0.08603999480990754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570514500243311,0.0,0.05417907576297773,0.0,0.0,0.12799040388463875,0.08768225054596633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755245278855298,0.06152412004585909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926822561022975,0.0,0.0,0.07314220432883549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207443252996413,0.06611046305909417,0.0,0.0,0.22574166600210685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875100615771943,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittykatbox,2019/09/30,"Weekly DAE (9/30/19-10/7/19) # ""DAE = ""Does Anyone Else?"" 

#### Contain your DAE posts to this thread. 

If your DAE submission has a lot of body to it (for example, a paragraph's worth), feel free to create your own separate text post. 

However, if your DAE submission has no content within the body of the post, or is only between 1-3 sentences, please post it here in the Weekly DAE thread. 

If your submission seems like it would be better suited as a tweet or Facebook post/status update, please post it here in the Weekly DAE thread. 

# Have a wonderful week!",6.8164401294498385,7.022615902912621,6.456456310679612,79.34869741100327,64.72815533980582,9.585113268608417,31.729773462783168,9.2995712137729,2.6910919093851144,430,15,79,7,6,134,63,103,0.02,0.79,0.18899999999999997,0.9468,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,5,0,1,2,3,0,0,8,0,6,2,2,0,0,11,9,6,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,11,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,8,6,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940922380813117,0.13101726170137573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309005037206075,0.0,0.2840680472786077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189933135522884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681843549534446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465458625568124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062470506302480834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870995015064812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725040396952607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807242994072944,0.0,0.0,0.7347809553599255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640745533634066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102763238427975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866885736019832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908347186855518,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blue_hydrangea,2019/09/30,"DAE struggle with university? I recently came back to university after taking a year off to do DBT skills training for 6 months but it's like everything I learned has gone out the window. I am an honours student and have a very full and overwhelming schedule. I am really struggling with studying and doing assignments because I get so overwhelmed that my emotions rise and I have an intense urge to engage in self-harm and when I call my boyfriend (we're long distance - another hard story for another time) he doesn't know how to help me and my emotions continue to rise to the point where I'm literally describing to him how I would kill myself if I had the means to do so at that moment. 

Does anyone else have a similar story and if so how do you manage? I feel like I should have never come back to school and I feel like I should drop out - but I know that would make me just as miserable. Does anyone have any advice?",4.160528808208365,5.787420116022101,5.033358326756119,82.00310773480665,71.59668508287292,8.265351223362273,28.398184688239933,8.841846274778883,2.260469297553275,735,28,140,14,14,239,111,181,0.11,0.76,0.13,0.4068,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,2,11,11,1,5,8,0,18,0,0,4,1,34,30,20,1,6,5,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,14,0,0,6,0,0,5,2,6,0,0,3,3,22,5,20,23,1,27,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,2,16,97,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836235949488013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628762125976796,0.2969437501343707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800926050030432,0.14507804674569233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775148164813696,0.0,0.08631335352875777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458157205044606,0.16194387369725155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196923135805685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24781675657620836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828220019906414,0.3185445655247963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272540317646058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431866452606012,0.20230713871605852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397613416689264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683889167878565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490633587874303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156650904319965,0.0,0.1556308532377913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075245410235104,0.0,0.0,0.1253047322614672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451396155100908,0.0,0.0,0.15423552687314576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301762516551778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920471274989564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385049275166996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070765480358753,0.0,0.13980531711799593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432989696096982,0.0,0.0,0.1477116518756896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960460355855621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645979026950528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256361037392793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682847849344492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116621874804336,0.0,0.0,0.09118080066873112
bpd,samreturned,2019/09/30,"I've just saved the 3 grand that bpd cost me Ignoring medication/health care/therapy costs, BPD has cost be roughly £3,000 from impulse spending on things I didn't need, to giving it away to my friends because I thought they were better than me and I didn't deserve it.

I've got a new job, I've been saving, I've just earned that £3,000 back. And I'm going to book a holiday.",2.7814166666666686,3.882594975000005,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,74.25,7.333333333333335,27.083333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.3665833333333337,298,11,67,4,6,98,56,80,0.063,0.7440000000000001,0.193,0.8678,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,3,6,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,12,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,6,1,7,5,7,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,33,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186217691177544,0.1789257646185209,0.0,0.14184686744751548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057971412957975,0.0,0.0,0.5861347904145899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372449753758877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977724172508505,0.0,0.0,0.2232193443722377,0.1322442110878546,0.0,0.18610502824826766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473406869609681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23091087901615145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172538150128629,0.0,0.22473535827225907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661035513241116,0.0,0.1545902078225259,0.0,0.0,0.18473143523568145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DogemeatTheDoge,2019/09/30,"Does anyone else feel like they're not in control? I found out I have BPD a couple days ago. Ever since I've been reading about it and I now know how a person with BPD reacts in certain situations with triggers. Thing is, these days I've been in such situations yet I just couldn't control myself. I knew I wasn't acting normally, I knew I was acting like the textbook BPD person, yet I couldn't stop. I just feel like when something triggers it, I'm not in control. No matter how hard I try, I can't act differently. I just don't know when I'm myself and when I'm not.",1.1540000000000001,3.1919117333333347,3.158333333333335,90.23000000000002,81.66666666666666,5.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.2310833333333337,448,13,96,4,12,151,63,120,0.013999999999999999,0.8440000000000001,0.142,0.8772,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,14,4,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,8,2,33,20,7,0,3,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,4,7,1,0,3,9,0,0,0,7,3,15,4,8,11,0,19,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,14,59,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893310030614535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381438184125496,0.13747243174177606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069450834418111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514472577656502,0.0,0.14845591727300084,0.0,0.17305635965975444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401784930470154,0.0,0.0,0.11741256832816672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208133868548756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213639266279888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568018565501105,0.19170132864256506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471098497679199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018945160655138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747201474355315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664521228774415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314575500355523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23430313422419344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420573356206345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098633516780712,0.3016241112789866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032901786057382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217164735200952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913620448798686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109223274105804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,codeskay,2019/09/30,"Think my ex has BPD. I'm sure my ex was a Borderline. We were together for 4 years. 

She would always feel empty. I became codependant of her trying to help her feelings and it drained me and she left once I was weak.

Think she was afraid I was distancing myself from her when I was actually becoming unwell. She left before I was diagnosed with a few health problems due to chronic stress trying to support her.

She had a rocky childhood. Her parents even told her she wasn't meant to be born or they didn't want her when they had her. It made her feel rejected.

She also has been in hospital due to over stressing herself. Suffers from panic attacks and also has committed self harm in her teenage years. 

But her mood swings were the worst. She would switch randomly and take her anger out on me alot especially when I was becoming so weak from helping her.

This really made the relationship end badly was her coming to conclusions that I wasn't putting in the effort and turned against me. My friends and family saw I was ill in the face for a while.

They never trusted her and always were questioning why she's with me. As she would hardly talk to my family and would avoid them.

She would constantly change her image. Like she wears weaves and would never be happy with a look and change them after a month or so. 

As soon as she left me she treated me like some toxic evil in her life. When I'm a really pure hearted guy who always goes out of my way to help others and I did her. 

Sacrificed my whole self to try and save her. 

But here's what I find odd and I don't know if anyone can enlighten me. But she found a new guy after about 4 months after splitting.

She made social media posts saying ""wow he wants to marry me I just want a friend"" 

Or ""this man is gods gift. I love everything about him"" 

How can she go from seeing me as her one telling me she'd marry me. To seeing me as some evil when I'm tired out and struggling. 

To then finding another who she's sees as gods gift?

My friend who's friends with my ex tell me he takes her out on fancy dinners and is love bombing the crap out of her. 

Just makes me feel like I'm not good enough or like my efforts to save her were nothing.",2.7323079658605955,4.5374528400900935,3.663688952110004,89.6066073968706,75.77927927927928,6.925936462778567,22.720246562351818,7.7627490962704995,0.9260549549549552,1727,49,363,25,38,553,211,444,0.162,0.708,0.13,-0.9192,1,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,5,3,17,39,5,6,15,0,37,15,4,5,5,78,71,41,0,11,11,4,5,4,4,6,8,1,0,5,10,26,1,1,14,0,0,3,7,19,0,1,27,11,87,19,51,35,7,45,0,2,5,2,81,16,1,10,28,249,97,0,0.0,0.0,0.07410768953453394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146035446676524,0.1895675701420454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963100507789196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309987639488724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639411668044608,0.0,0.0,0.0634077581558945,0.0,0.16774225266567855,0.06462039662799421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956453255227101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606715118251719,0.06541664862267661,0.0,0.08206549512068616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707875375701152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726139259478857,0.07846759488722191,0.0,0.05015846870634275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825108422079318,0.0,0.1431812732606113,0.0,0.15359267835303705,0.05425243260079498,0.0,0.0,0.13881782380426425,0.0,0.0,0.08326564313310708,0.2346880354153117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315915323519754,0.06369590390435739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503875218523687,0.0,0.08084085550205006,0.06802842910670492,0.0,0.0,0.08072198035765553,0.0,0.08999072769628072,0.15270542473174364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041735316061871024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475311181756179,0.0,0.05363953928233388,0.14840420357999265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377151010388411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707985689720076,0.2155722948125163,0.050691363255124064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212311365957244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171411222708892,0.07334451682422452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728676619779033,0.0,0.0,0.0808749355436925,0.051459745397741966,0.0,0.0,0.08910067541190297,0.08432375309625655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273070988488044,0.0,0.0,0.07266550465935287,0.0,0.07634191507894034,0.08507156182428766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729979791795028,0.0,0.0,0.08153246488827556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039151717602927,0.0,0.0,0.18154599358274576,0.0,0.15844653804303618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741252435444677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398085347946654,0.07939026617780626,0.0,0.0,0.08617721217237913,0.07157371412930859,0.0,0.11419671362951556,0.061038687125966676,0.13275197117387685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732015249336744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728327684679463,0.0,0.07256510328637851,0.0,0.15467733851093007,0.08260225530061087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437632179502718,0.060278616617298025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852515160156876,0.08478567552035937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236788417882567,0.0,0.0,0.09780732947263412
bpd,cig_palace,2019/09/30,"DAE not understand what a sense of identity actually is? I have a relationship with someone who is my FP, and they’re absolutely wonderful, caring and nurturing. 

The problem here lies within myself. I am EXTREMELY jealous and resentful of them. They grew up with money, being a model since they were a baby, getting anything they wanted and genuinely one of the most physically beautiful people I’ve ever seen, (for those who know who lil uzi very is, he even hollered at them), they could genuinely attain anybody they wanted, but chose me. I found the golden unicorn, the most rare of people, and I find myself filled with a sense of rage because they are perfect and I am not. 

Last night I said something extremely shitty to this person, out of impulse and jealousy. I can’t stop making comments like this and it’s destroying us. What I’m trying to get at here is I have no idea what the fuck self identity even is. I was asking them over and over what is it? How can I attain it? How can I become secure in my deep insecurities? If these things could be resolved, then I believe my symptoms of bpd could go into remission.",4.559212924606463,6.461371267605639,5.63919359293013,76.9486329743165,71.06572769953051,8.392046396023199,28.961336647334992,9.007467420416297,2.6067721071527203,892,35,155,18,17,295,132,213,0.17800000000000002,0.726,0.09699999999999999,-0.9686,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,9,4,7,13,5,1,10,0,21,2,0,3,2,39,37,14,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,15,14,0,2,7,0,1,3,4,7,0,1,5,2,28,6,22,27,2,18,0,0,1,1,20,10,1,4,6,121,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.15046272429697974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268814597459584,0.0,0.14414255026204092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398999836801926,0.17028567800665975,0.0,0.17371416418298585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941911336705785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720230731673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693135249794543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036760259434149,0.13946953586328992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092267672732192,0.0,0.0,0.1690563500877897,0.0,0.1425419323867472,0.1611110319633686,0.0,0.08762712499750137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405656691308707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473627222095939,0.12568169272179447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532720594859428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291996230889844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446925679119794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044800280889221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378550710822966,0.13462875785870534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753461971535572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553743427692655,0.0,0.0,0.14666563852080247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084901525819914,0.0,0.0,0.12754376924923747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064080244789802,0.11869946589266313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289059115659618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025768354663855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243393909511016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046817763245988,0.0,0.0,0.1605124554776585,0.1854660708453029,0.0,0.0,0.12721911562940866,0.18188510607810002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672075063142731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fizzletar,2019/09/30,"Thoughts on FP vs real friends Disclaimer: I’m not diagnosed with BPD but the topic seems to fit this sub so I will post here.

You know how when you join a new group and there’s people who are leaders and they’re showy and charismatic but they basically ignore you? And then there are people who are quieter, pays attention, and seem interested in you and want to invite you to do stuff with them?

I tend to make the mistake of wanting to hang out with the first type rather than the second. One of them invariably becomes my FP that I obsess over. Of course they don’t see me the same way. And then in the end I wonder why I have no friends.

The thing I realized is: which type of person am I to others? Sometimes I’m charismatic and showy and I find the quiet ones boring. Other times I’m quiet and supportive and I seek the attention of the loud ones. But deep down, I’m the sensitive type and I do well in intimate conversations. I was never meant to hang out with the extroverts.

What if next time, I can be charismatic and showy with the extroverts, but also quiet and supportive with the introverts. But mainly try to get to know the introverts, because they will be my true friends (and maybe even more than friends).",3.5866249999999984,5.473487745833335,4.233333333333333,86.08500000000002,73.625,7.966666666666668,25.333333333333336,8.697196308434329,1.7493583333333338,969,32,194,19,20,308,131,240,0.057999999999999996,0.8009999999999999,0.141,0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,5,5,1,10,13,0,1,16,0,15,1,0,2,2,53,34,27,0,5,9,0,0,0,4,2,1,4,0,1,10,23,0,1,11,0,1,2,4,4,1,5,3,5,25,9,30,27,3,24,0,0,1,0,19,10,0,4,10,140,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208483883810834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543942514725929,0.15479424079499438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765249400744134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142258101100155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413898151559365,0.0,0.0,0.09257348055665453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810248642255806,0.1192188942475036,0.0,0.0,0.4331449672157052,0.0,0.0732271209428792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405508061257386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935570014739132,0.0,0.1408082239737126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809900785066788,0.13536611817070832,0.1490603370427879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284925429118564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943367501787029,0.12238114564805855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342332637150115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953125263084872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168831465905313,0.25519038080515805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862050980993865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604481460237673,0.0,0.3181007985779124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311519335905716,0.0,0.0,0.11127032917385188,0.16345529677700193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515853758766464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533843149260852,0.11125142946594442,0.0,0.0,0.126019477920528,0.0,0.126471400603732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199610030697874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DvaBestGirl,2019/09/30,"My (ex)FP is my absolute biggest Trigger. How do I get rid of this? There is this girl. I have absolutely adored her in every way, for her looks and personality, for her voice and fashion, for everything. I was very jealous too, because she is my boyfriends best friend. In half a year I got very close to her though and I considered her a good friend, as did she. But we had a pretty bad fight, where she responded very badly and she showed me that she is a human being that I don't want to be friends with her. This was a month ago.

​

We haven't spoken since, but she stalked my social media religiously, so did I hers. Always the first person to look at my insta story and she kept me in her 'close friends' tab, even though she didn't want to have any contact with me.

​

Last weekend I split pretty badly. She went out with my boyfriend striking, posted him a lot into her instagram story with hearts, calling him babe, posting about how much she loves him. That triggered me badly into a complete breakdown. I decided to block her on every social media and just get rid of her completely.

​

It's hard because she is still friends with my boyfriend (who is my current FP). So she is not completely out of my life. I don't know what to do. The thought of her kills me. Thinking about what she posted with my boyfriend kills me. (For him, it has absolutely no meaning). I don't know what to do. My next therapy session is in a month, but I need to start coping with her as my absolute biggest trigger right now.",3.4727999999999994,5.331391346666671,4.0760000000000005,87.21300000000002,73.86666666666667,6.8000000000000025,27.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,1.4825333333333326,1204,46,239,15,25,381,144,300,0.12,0.778,0.10099999999999999,-0.7188,2,0,0,0,1,0,54.0,2,0,0,2,15,17,4,0,10,0,26,3,1,5,0,43,43,17,2,3,5,0,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,5,12,21,0,2,6,2,0,1,7,8,0,2,10,4,62,9,37,31,3,33,0,0,2,1,50,16,0,1,12,176,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399819022313553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946036450721686,0.2713450610220889,0.3043046391102305,0.05676788723758178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788024971229204,0.10177480045953437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760498713604037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524034835848021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625752133166598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513641679622375,0.0,0.14066759272916668,0.0,0.07502462342746838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100632496141755,0.0,0.0,0.3224743914508012,0.0,0.08722759556659758,0.0,0.0,0.07001736688661632,0.06676496441309042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477987103592203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892180519119742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847120274808711,0.0,0.091754626521063,0.06804569326670744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058962964199387326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402009531589914,0.0,0.0,0.07096999121446537,0.0753421338328757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093198983431663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326265032442153,0.0,0.06136591851387164,0.061897862522398525,0.0,0.0,0.08877977603906734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577950000100054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23984648081516705,0.1698542278519025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128973661352135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905384557180089,0.0,0.0,0.17019057073067545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059086142087244185,0.0,0.06666562061244452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954643423747293,0.0,0.0,0.05348931724731682,0.16403337797797876,0.06627218950277983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066342217146006,0.09847494786189116,0.06626093290784306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738492141225965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043046391102305,0.053757080535104106
bpd,Restless-Rabbit,2019/09/30,"SSRI MEDS - I Feel Empty? So I was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago, when I turned 18. All though everyone always kind of knew that’s what I had, but for solid reasons they don’t diagnose anyone under 18, so I was diagnosed with Bipolar up until then. 

I’ve been on a lot of different medications since I was 12-13 years old, I’m also diagnosed with severe anxiety, apprehensive personality disorder( It’s roughly translated, idk if it’s called that in English), plus I’ve had several depressions. I’ve also been admitted to psychiatric wards a couple of times, so I’ve tried basically every kind of meds they could think of.

But my question is: Have any of you experienced being totally emotions-less because of SSRI(Venlafaxin)? Idk how to describe it, it’s like I’m just a hollow shell, but I’m not sad or depressed? I was prescribed this because my anxiety was so severe that I couldn’t do anything. I would get panic attacks even when I was just laying in bed watching tv, not even thinking about anything. I should probably also mention that I was/am addicted to opiates and benzodiazepines, so I’ve been using Benzodiazepines on and off for about 6 years and morphine,methadone and heroin for about 3 years.

I’m on substitute meds now (Suboxone) and have been clean from Benzodiazepines for 6 months. So I’m not saying it couldn’t be because of my drug abuse that I feel empty. The primary reason I used drugs was to feel numb and not deal with all the emotions and anxiety. But drugs actually made it much worse and even when I was on them I would still get overwhelming amounts of emotions and much more increased anxiety, but when I started Venlafaxin everything basically just disappeared.

Now I have been on all sorts of meds, including SSRI and it has never taken away all of my anxiety and most definitely not BPD. Is this normal? I’m not sure I like feeling nothing, even though that was my goal. I’m not saying I miss being hysterical and all over the place, but this just doesn’t feel right either...

Now if you read all of this; wow, I did not mean to make it this long, idk I just felt like details were important.

TL;DR - Has anyone felt empty and hollow(having no emotions) due to starting SSRI?",5.6121092914163455,6.89166901431981,6.435281046827424,74.65878281622912,67.68735083532219,9.884322278001813,32.10937371409761,10.085429814115964,3.374451008147478,1763,74,313,43,29,582,199,419,0.157,0.7490000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9719,1,0,4,0,1,0,57.0,0,2,3,1,32,16,1,3,6,0,37,11,0,7,9,80,67,41,0,9,23,0,8,3,0,3,11,2,2,1,20,18,0,0,15,2,0,2,14,9,0,0,23,12,32,7,44,35,15,39,0,5,1,0,13,14,0,7,26,214,52,2,0.0,0.08379138296092813,0.06901231029033891,0.0770950060495732,0.0,0.0,0.06268882385185696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696637634316379,0.0588445277127507,0.0,0.0,0.04809187998717045,0.0,0.2705022159829024,0.0,0.0,0.09889783824484057,0.0,0.11639271734567412,0.0,0.0,0.08045396672139263,0.06644356748355174,0.0,0.0,0.12933037658070098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813819117158775,0.0,0.07221280908630938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056463995095544825,0.07825009878441826,0.0,0.0,0.07290899471095377,0.121821697180086,0.2871163791224494,0.0,0.0738871250797541,0.08105100234277185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24603750130260146,0.0,0.0,0.2386507239770933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868390083562008,0.0,0.05958447034767109,0.0675757867463455,0.06355838417688775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787902450373343,0.0,0.13580417099954445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389633931595566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728755022383402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365034664601644,0.0,0.0,0.06258478573777912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012343362176537,0.0,0.06691677203379863,0.04720600671773333,0.0,0.0,0.07703457984625263,0.3142149612055185,0.07124274492187052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644785897484943,0.0,0.10397436057890933,0.0,0.0545434591787532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929037565625114,0.06785754258614696,0.0,0.07420851971027631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297443217062629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061749789888221336,0.0738871250797541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624789112456129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922234599913723,0.0,0.07073892439972597,0.0,0.0,0.14542343802065924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039431136807809,0.0,0.11247842561099687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396796878846973,0.0,0.05850013829109199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011165792633064,0.0,0.056476912948090416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666525619560988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062876745395773,0.13896366258254228,0.0,0.041237276292227835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048014092947020234,0.07692282014582441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215837885602937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206950432730773,0.10047461473166623,0.0,0.0,0.18216489577884892
bpd,lucylockss,2019/09/30,"Ramble. Ok so let's start of with that I haven't been diagnosed with BPD and I have always discarded therapeutic help due to anxieties and thinking I'm making it all up lol. Anyway I'm not seeking a diagnosis but everyone I know with BPD seems to understand my issues a lot more than others and I feel quite safe talking with you guys. 

I just want to ramble as I'm feeling quite distressed right now. I mean I'm okay but I'm feeling quite panicky and blurry. I can't shake that no one wants to be around me and all are fucking with me behind my back and they all have some weird disposition against me even though I know it's irrational but fuck me, I can't shake this shit. My brain is telling me to cut them out and get rid of them before I even get remotely attached although through past experience I know this isn't actually happening but then it could be, and it's happened in the past but probably not this time. But what if it is? I just can't process much right now because everything is whirring in my head and I feel sick with anxiety. I want to scream and hurt myself and smack my head into a wall to be honest. But I won't do that shit I'm holding myself off from it but it's so hard to refrain from. 

It subsided for a while but I'm starting to find myself in a dissassociative state again which feels everlasting and it's absolutely terrifying because I've lost so many years to this in the past. I don't want it to happen again. But I feel it. I can't stop feeling absolute pure disgust about myself and the whole abundance of feelings right now is making me try and regain control in other ways by restricting my eating and being quite obsessive about that again and I do not need that I've been doing so well lately possibly the best I have in my entire life and now it feels like it's gonna crash again. And I'm scared for it. My desire to go and spend all my fucking money or drink myself to oblivion is getting stronger and I do not need this as I'm trying to be a responsible adult but fuck the emotions are so intense right now and all I can hear is my stupid brain telling me nasty stuff and I'm just tempted to disappear into wherever and run away from everything but I've already done that numerous times and it solves nothing. 

I can tell it's gonna get bad again because I can already feel the undying urge to scream and send the close ones around me long as fuck messages rambling about how much I despise myself and just wanna do stupid shit and just I feel like I'm losing control of my mind again and I'm not ok with that I was so semi stable. I've never been like that. So I should expect this crash but it doesn't make it any less daunting. And it fucking hurts because I know how irrational and stupid all of this is and everything I am being, thinking and doing is but I can't stop it, it's just so intense. My brain feels like a tanoid shouting all sorts of instructions that are blurring together but all of them are my voice and I just can't quite think straight. But I'm at such an important time in my life right now and I don't have time to feel like this I just wanna get on with it. I can't shake the urge to cut everyone out of my life and be alone again but I've been doing that for years and it just doesn't work. Nothing works. I'm at such a loss with feeling like this it's boring and I just wanna think like a normal person not like a frightened tortured person. But I don't even know what I'm saying any more or even if this makes sense. I just needed to get this out to someone that isn't someone I know because I'm sure they're all sick of listening to me now I don't wanna make them hate me or feel like they do any more. 

Please don't suggest any therapy because I simply can't access it right now and last time I even tried they put me on a fucking online CBT cause which was honestly the most ridiculous thing I have ever experienced. No one takes me seriously. It's so difficult to explain the intensity of my mind and it just doesn't seem to be the same as most people I know. I don't know what I'm seeking from this just needed to get it out of me. Thanks for listening",3.5075420105026254,4.539497019767441,4.5422355588897245,87.20271192798205,72.40697674418605,7.59489872468117,26.4291072768192,7.941651935203635,1.3823769692423111,3287,108,705,44,62,1073,299,860,0.18899999999999997,0.6829999999999999,0.128,-0.9974,0,1,1,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,7,13,56,57,20,6,23,4,68,23,8,10,13,187,159,81,0,19,42,0,16,9,0,4,6,8,0,4,60,57,2,8,33,1,2,8,30,38,1,3,8,25,88,19,90,137,22,79,0,5,0,7,25,31,10,13,47,479,148,3,0.0,0.0,0.04492364317230984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767850796317926,0.10160181446058524,0.0,0.03830491334791291,0.0,0.0,0.125221859516947,0.0,0.0704334920944454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196204584512802,0.0,0.0,0.04325151707237113,0.0353981709795639,0.03843740804284727,0.16837551632191086,0.0,0.03917250231389774,0.0,0.0483110255020674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595926149821155,0.15417127893204735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047290756248567184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032646184483736,0.03675530288848198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046724684735080485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047109917836462525,0.0,0.04509689857081338,0.0,0.04710542746382036,0.0,0.05178332156324096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520288356300179,0.04164140780917572,0.0,0.08797707302101164,0.1241202109895516,0.04503118752120014,0.0,0.0,0.3491511501479805,0.1973250229790663,0.0,0.0,0.04207527195698968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979111308988573,0.16836017629627556,0.0,0.026162823476685918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558201322762537,0.12212613195729452,0.0,0.041238431449657637,0.04545015709637802,0.09449064259362652,0.0,0.05188493370675877,0.0,0.030856375158064595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856311085795344,0.0,0.0,0.0480487121444981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239761441472195,0.03752477262063717,0.05192962825149982,0.0,0.0,0.047074036193637495,0.0975479145733086,0.2024139389547597,0.0,0.0,0.04073963863361702,0.0,0.05150153163132569,0.05025277903239913,0.03913741862799736,0.0,0.0,0.1536440232514566,0.04667239314115273,0.0,0.050145748814705696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929647099861235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768223022914631,0.1365378530425165,0.03550512781301244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045104650143736616,0.08834389160035508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093583780084338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183721272440402,0.03191496060441263,0.08039219423992824,0.0,0.05053274520744985,0.0,0.051897688634166654,0.0,0.0,0.04963365288178792,0.0,0.0,0.04627801748560698,0.0,0.2448201199778033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235882480860815,0.0,0.036608980596893485,0.04608919288360635,0.0,0.0,0.08381730107694482,0.0,0.0,0.14176318854982356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780108272043483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651677994715736,0.0,0.0,0.07697485474954725,0.0,0.0,0.052699206451593206,0.0,0.0,0.0433875622659053,0.0,0.034612686259448036,0.037001291193613436,0.12071018987827722,0.042382959801953834,0.052645179569991485,0.0,0.030583692739472867,0.11798980190981374,0.04522927841070496,0.0,0.13421726339520418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376448794655168,0.0,0.0,0.04792419058129697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861084221341992,0.03654054094580934,0.0,0.0,0.04139110764715313,0.0,0.0,0.05139657513441901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702824126531062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059290224758898113
bpd,Sock989,2019/09/30,"Self help, audiobooks? Unsure if ""self help"" is the correct term but regardless, is anyone aware of a decent audio book that can help me better understand my recent diagnosis of BPD?

Reading in general isn't an option as I don't have the attention span / capability. I've tried watching videos but a lot of what I find all seem to conflict with each other, leading me to believe alot of it is false information.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.",7.298915662650603,7.919797927710848,8.370746987951808,64.61491566265063,63.6987951807229,10.977349397590363,35.877108433734946,10.793553405168565,4.213893493975903,360,16,58,9,5,123,66,83,0.05,0.768,0.182,0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,2,20,11,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,9,9,5,5,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,5,2,39,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978200242285147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400849635692349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481536995222901,0.0,0.1947990136689439,0.0,0.0,0.27740540595193114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131049037332208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428336166596757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428999546738237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872542367403354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031614793716156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174767646487152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051328484360625,0.4595512218427245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953973494153544,0.0,0.0,0.2292948294315835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646392895420413,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ToastNoodles,2019/09/30,"I don't want help anymore, I feel stupid and worthless Sorry to kinda rant here, I'm not even diagnosed with BPD, but I really identify a lot with the stuff everyone posts here.

I just went to my second appointment about getting treatment for all this emotional regulation shit and just talking about my past and '''trauma''' I realise it's not even a big deal. It is a big deal to me, but just seeing it written out, I realise it's stupid as fuck. I'm not sick, I shouldn't be sick. I'm not sick enough or even valid.

I don't even want treatment anymore. I'd rather just sit here and deal with it to be honest. I feel this way a lot where my mood swings and some days I want help and others I just couldn't care less. I just want to suffer I guess, as a form of self harm.

The nurse today ended our appointment by saying 'what are your goals of today/treatment' and I couldn't even answer her. I don't fucking know what my goal is. I don't know what help I want.",2.402444029850745,3.7544791791044783,3.575046641791044,91.80645055970152,75.61691542288555,6.617039800995027,22.01523631840796,7.1686216300943375,0.4884848258706467,749,19,168,8,16,243,100,201,0.231,0.6859999999999999,0.083,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,2,18,12,5,0,7,0,12,7,1,0,1,44,32,12,0,9,14,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,12,11,0,0,5,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,2,4,25,2,17,25,7,12,0,2,1,2,12,4,3,6,4,111,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384050918072107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138317697152473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254825572639835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751674405013001,0.3717516780614305,0.0,0.1219968310732728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352047888387489,0.10645834747156986,0.12419502718427927,0.0,0.3969429924199509,0.0,0.0,0.1148528254018069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215498378074288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223929762901806,0.06279766589433843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240990214591558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416953699549956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211361251223058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437338747495049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474107859048308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511494017711515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700090123071028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558501350980264,0.0,0.0,0.09578098084358726,0.0,0.12539107467096802,0.0,0.12337989269111585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345500459261825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759613839285265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660932538836657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278642943749369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35447479863594344,0.09540631951541044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142328086749698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,janedough-,2019/09/30,"If anyone knows how to die without hurting your family I have been thinking about killing myself for over 6 months now. I'm deep in a depressive episode that had lasted some 4 weeks now. So long I was propped up on drugs but since I've gone cold turkey, the reality of my existence is crashing down on me and I can't take it anymore. I have no job, I have no ambition and I have no will to live anymore. I'm one bad incident away from killing myself. Today has been the worst. I haven't thought of anything but killing myself since I woke up. I tried to distract myself but it isn't working. I feel so worthless I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this and I don't really want to. I just want to die and be done with it. I just cannot muster up the courage to go ahead and do it. It feels like I'm locked in a small box and I can't keep living in it and I can't get out. I wish I had the strength to just end it all but I keep worrying about my family and how they would feel if I killed myself. That's all that's concerning me. But I really don't want to live anymore. There is nothing to my life and I don't see it getting better. It might get better only marginally and then I'll be back in this place in a couple of months or years. It's the only thing I know for sure and I don't want any of it. I don't even want anyone reading this to say ""it's going to be okay"" or ""stay strong"" or any of that. If you could tell me a foolproof way to just end it I'd appreciate it. I just don't want to be here anymore.",0.20808593396652952,1.9606414865671664,2.3177476255088223,96.52643600180916,83.38805970149255,5.493441881501584,20.00226142017187,6.574015621080383,-0.01811442786069639,1178,33,288,12,33,396,152,335,0.204,0.68,0.11599999999999999,-0.9841,1,0,1,0,0,7,27.0,0,2,1,6,18,19,4,1,9,1,35,2,0,2,3,56,64,27,6,12,17,0,4,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,22,13,0,2,8,1,0,3,17,10,0,1,9,7,41,9,42,47,4,36,0,3,1,0,6,17,0,8,16,195,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894040143322415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34691461728804074,0.18344492747305927,0.0,0.07196535323994094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216381425780622,0.06724501109554973,0.07301857296010157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468796323853562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698231202957682,0.09676371732703133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532207916253998,0.0,0.1815222555245232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894935207090857,0.0,0.0,0.1014162861463154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491261780634455,0.0,0.0,0.057761067625138676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488348669252365,0.0,0.17687296502243668,0.1249511202835636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706981716607206,0.0,0.09940170954009717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361892577841643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678238516755771,0.15546229815562454,0.3870096945157231,0.0,0.09612240866122886,0.07128486250573544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617697696077468,0.08544903243582114,0.0,0.2316645385537273,0.07739206224886179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277250537892676,0.0,0.0,0.13960633288417298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839123294579203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059259580895369784,0.1330220197504424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136848382801037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747543314279294,0.0,0.1120476831211628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954515553518567,0.0,0.0,0.06968773624117125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468201147673607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321194827649527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242225587485992,0.0,0.06575284561756302,0.07029041806427412,0.07643669934619758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058099068417858515,0.05603556143598304,0.0,0.06942693490009755,0.0,0.0,0.08289405007823304,0.0,0.0,0.059374009615492336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30948790944403204,0.06941514245910932,0.07014853284112979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056521669408963,0.08430038310064661,0.0,0.06366592825097042,0.08881151485786247,0.0,0.0621232264844968,0.0,0.0,0.05631607102061152
bpd,Demonwytch,2019/09/30,"From SSI High School dropout to Culinary School? So I'm a 26 female. My Mom paid 500+ dollars for me to go to online high school when I couldn't take attending class anymore. 

I've been on SSI for 5 years now and after a few therapists and a dozen med adjustments, my current therapist believes I am ready to try and push forward. 

It kinda took me by surprise but I'm also kinda ready to take a leap? 

I purchased a new chromebook to help me finish my online classes and once that is complete I will be applying to my local community college to attend the Culinary program. 

I'm scared, nervous, anxious and my fears surface and dissipate moment to moment. But I think I can do this. I think it could be time to push myself further. 

Wish me luck.",3.481193693693694,5.2004451824324365,4.6875675675675685,83.42207207207208,73.52702702702703,6.825225225225225,29.90090090090089,7.492282038375204,1.950444144144144,589,26,110,7,12,194,94,148,0.085,0.795,0.12,0.6497,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,3,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,17,21,11,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,3,7,1,3,0,1,3,0,17,2,16,13,1,23,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,11,67,21,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586180480110384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780177382124482,0.1560849652104691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773205174809659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501659038610075,0.0,0.0,0.1256601914032647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710339633806785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944628794666865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549275080490242,0.33257463334479104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482075125946184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432898738086684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200471462954182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761132297678816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757118957631738,0.4778501567360919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666989188144474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36547535874238896,0.0,0.2016936322985208,0.0,0.0,0.09177324457935013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174862022466325,0.10685499847411194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098653174994234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135164732760864
bpd,StealthCorgi,2019/09/30,"My journey thus far with BPD, and the continuous battle I face daily (Potential triggers: Self harm, substance abuse, suicide, emotional and verbal abuse)

It's 2:35am on Monday. I'm exactly 24 —  In the past month, I've lost my job. Lost my friends (co-workers). And lost myself. I have suicidal thoughts, but no plans to follow through.

I will be trying my best to keep this as coherent and easy to follow as possible. Please excuse me if things get disorganized, I'm on two days no sleep right now. 

I was diagnosed with BPD in January of 2015, and have jumped from therapist to therapist. Always encountering the issue of opening up. It's not so much that I don't want to talk about these things, it's more so that my head is racing with everything I can't control, I can't handle, I can't process that I don't know where to start. So I sit there, meek, quiet, answering vaguely. Because I'm scared.

When my family learned I had BPD, they didn't know exactly how to go about it. How to talk to me about it. Growing up myself and my siblings long suspected something was wrong with my mother. She would often yell, throw things, verbally degrade, emotionally hurt, and always willing to remind you of your past screw ups. This was my childhood. To tie things together, the majority of this was towards me. The black sheep.  If I were to take a look back, I'd say my mother had untreated bipolar disorder. She didn't want to accept that something was wrong, and she struggled with it up until her passing in August of 2015. I am eternally grateful to have had been on good terms with my mother for the months leading up to her sudden death. I was able to say my proper good night, the night before. 

You see, this is the middle of my story, but is really the beginning of my struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I dropped out of college, against my father's advice and threw myself into work. Self harm and substance abuse became the new normal for me. Not that I hadn't been doing any of that prior, but it certainly ramped up from there on. I struggled with my feelings for myself. I hated myself for all the times I fought with my mother growing up, all the times I self harmed leaving permanent scars on my arms because of the cold words and reminders she'd throw at me. I resented, loved, and missed her so much. Not a day goes by where I don't think of her. It's gotten to the point where I'm forgetting what she sounded like. — Since her passing, my relationship with my family has deteriorated to the point where the only times I see them are during dinner, that is if I even am able to eat. I've developed a very bad relationship with my older sister. I love her, but she scares me. She's *essentially* taken over the role of my mother. Verbal and emotional abuse and all. She brings me down, and she brings me down hard. She doesn't forget, and does a wonderful job making sure I don't either. She's said some extremely hurtful things that have actually made me cry, something I struggle doing. Recently my Father expressed how much he felt of a disappointment I was. That stung. Bad.

For the next four years I would work my ass off, attempt to save money (and fail), in and out of relationships. I had a particularly bad one end close to my mother's birthday. I was struggling really bad. I couldn't control my emotions, I doubted my then girlfriend's every move. I didn't trust her, yet I loved her. The two years we had together had their unfortunately ups and downs, but that's normal right? She tried her best to understand me. She tried her best to care. And I honestly, haven't found anyone who has gone the legnths she had to help me like she did. But every good thing eventually comes to an end, and it wasn't pretty. As I said, I had been spiralling. She told me she couldn't handle it anymore, and that she had met someone and that we should break up. It was my first taste of abandonment. Looking back, I don't resent her for ending it. But I do believe we could've gotten through it together. I guess that's just me clinging onto the past. 

I continued working and would eventually become a Certified Nursing Assistant at a Nursing Home. The job was a double edged sword for me. I loved it and I hated it. I was able to do what I love and help others. And I was good at it. I had made the decision to disclose to my employer about my mental illness. Something I strongly regret as every mistake I made would always end up with the question being asked whether or not I was mentally fit for the job. Whether I could handle myself under stress. And I could, I still can. But everyone has their breaking point, and mine was last month. It ended in me losing my job. Something a lot of my old co-workers see not only as an unfortunate thing, but a good thing. The stress, the constant 16 hour shifts were eating away at me. I grew to hate my job, but I still loved helping the elderly people I took care of. 

We're finally back to today, Monday. In the past month since losing my job, I have entered the dating game again. And started the process of entering into therapy again. It hasn't been easy. Upon taking the evaluation over the phone prior to scheduling an introductory appointment I answered ""Yes"" to too many questions. I had an extremely helpful, informative, and opening discussion with a crisis counsler who visited my house and will be helping me enter into group therapy while I wait for an open slot for individual therapy. I'm scared to open up, as it's always been difficult. However it's a step in the right direction. 

I had mentioned I entered the dating game again, and I met someone who I truly believe is a wonderful human being. Someone I admire, and care for a lot. However, I have told her I have BPD, I don't know exactly how to handle that in a friendship, let alone even the possibility of a relationship. I'm afraid to open up to her, as in the past I've done so too fast and scared people away. Or I've been too slow and made things complicated because of my sudden changes in mood, behavior, thinking, or perception. I really like this person, but I'm struggling to control my emotions and keep things slow. I want their help, but I don't know how to go about getting it. I want them to know what entails dating me. I want their support. This is all a challenge I want to eventually face, but am too scared to. 

Relationships are complicated, confusing, scary, and yet I desire to eventually love and be loved again one day. 

If you've been reading this, thank you for taking your time to. This is the first time I've spoken openly about my mental health outside of a very very close group of friends. I had originally planned on making this my primary Reddit account for day to day usage, but because I needed to get this off my chest I will instead be using it to discuss my ongoing struggle with treatment and BPD. If you guys are able to provide me with any prices of knowledge, that means a lot.",4.173480835372121,5.865078000744603,5.169693011381772,80.77969570613054,71.67311988086374,8.094597028684893,28.20373009963479,8.704169506293173,2.1980128908272167,5477,207,1029,100,105,1795,482,1343,0.172,0.6920000000000001,0.136,-0.9932,11,1,5,0,4,1,184.0,3,6,7,23,44,85,8,17,63,1,105,24,7,19,9,194,200,85,3,26,31,9,3,3,3,9,4,7,1,7,65,72,4,7,26,3,3,27,27,49,0,7,66,18,193,35,168,113,19,182,0,12,6,10,116,71,2,20,83,728,258,17,0.13290017697802234,0.15746497772119436,0.032422850412385636,0.0,0.0,0.032467128703519296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03441112568823778,0.0,0.0,0.11058359365691817,0.0,0.0,0.04518833884315605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032950316054837205,0.023231723456515446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031060931317323914,0.0,0.062432045538577764,0.07664402449331266,0.11096609653254776,0.08101471435095718,0.036694451008902965,0.02827206551193504,0.07486649449069703,0.1046029023368236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092289006407129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162544082118567,0.0,0.035147691327037135,0.028620433670169417,0.0,0.035904469415099616,0.11179413690920643,0.07958248284834528,0.0,0.03649615097470355,0.10713702449187586,0.0,0.0,0.03372272052648618,0.0,0.0,0.07615755837408887,0.0,0.029075460117988925,0.034000755751102785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799502980703606,0.0,0.18686851403186164,0.14713763742515035,0.0,0.0,0.04388965674128152,0.0,0.08398059828121199,0.03174795360361602,0.029860527403741406,0.0,0.06264322952101206,0.0,0.01679958067090177,0.0,0.03190125285743891,0.03639641194252343,0.0,0.05652241132270947,0.0,0.0364295460936987,0.051339173530038536,0.0,0.05207614291387222,0.0,0.037765116631195216,0.13933795380372052,0.0,0.0,0.036601132059932165,0.03289801743607545,0.0,0.0,0.02976311357930593,0.09840855776787988,0.034098480820359336,0.035316668358796606,0.0,0.0,0.13362028081930474,0.0,0.033327428381760865,0.0,0.032719975905336304,0.038337240178328985,0.07113619408090614,0.0,0.0,0.03467831405376951,0.23079510792969446,0.059063891846171036,0.0,0.0,0.09129807703403732,0.027082845546855198,0.0,0.035180524537260865,0.0,0.03397485880562566,0.0,0.04869623506816824,0.0,0.0,0.029403118625218456,0.05580133844833077,0.07434065174484658,0.10880718185241328,0.08474023343355848,0.23989519698400735,0.12575336084845093,0.04435595005980848,0.0336849799870281,0.0,0.036191813437749513,0.0,0.0,0.1004490899539676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607965332220994,0.035312963922990714,0.07327269132689837,0.024635949314293925,0.0,0.032088954769698703,0.035335211483940546,0.0623589065944917,0.06510697802954557,0.0,0.0,0.034864094880586616,0.0,0.04502829970196106,0.05053828665156075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585853211174989,0.04606812451185476,0.058021654169207564,0.0,0.036471121286935936,0.09422521828327343,0.07491249046209686,0.0,0.033801814615680624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744393069248652,0.0,0.033234035413337686,0.0,0.06385444235673325,0.0,0.03280572289224558,0.17835631696450166,0.0,0.08512201873875079,0.06320925107019955,0.05284377747771946,0.1663203272229093,0.0,0.07942817580567428,0.0,0.1039829017797628,0.0,0.0,0.05496819987437735,0.0,0.033249038974106665,0.0,0.08445441650707727,0.12789131144108695,0.0,0.0,0.047033714649250574,0.0,0.053067126504402914,0.0,0.07611835185274886,0.2431382112240987,0.0,0.07268561152119016,0.03770338647407731,0.031314210998199074,0.0,0.07494329509228119,0.05341006404285205,0.0,0.030589156814866736,0.11398720105473033,0.07715367437586483,0.22073243057043632,0.04257853356678469,0.0,0.026376973856681408,0.09686895243849646,0.0,0.031493457041338005,0.06349590720723204,0.0369142466635665,0.06767287227850778,0.0,0.06491208087826496,0.034588442802649014,0.0,0.02869577056329209,0.0,0.08224242332951909,0.11758195155973605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206228639533584,0.12094113959183594,0.0,0.0,0.0944084726328293,0.0726527402530828,0.0,0.04279167833519311
bpd,sabbath70s,2019/09/30,I knew I was BPD for years and today I got officially diagnosed It feels good to be medication,2.16,4.604149473684213,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,80.57894736842105,10.115789473684213,25.28947368421053,10.125756701596842,3.2349789473684223,76,3,15,3,2,28,17,19,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923660122055922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967884306494986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766730399883703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278957756463751,0.3126645683160861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39382353649222746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705584602922303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25174782203801954
bpd,InnerCatch,2019/09/30,my fp told me that he has no positive feelings about me its been a couple of days since he told me that. and for some reason im not totally losing it. I cried for about 30 minutes afterward but after that.. I kinda just forgot about it? I didn't forget about it of course and im still thinking of it but it hasn't absolutely destroyed me and driven me to contemplate suicide yet like rejection usually does. last time I got abandoned by someone (the same guy) I made plans to commit suicide and I wrote my suicide note and everything. (how I stopped myself from actually going through with it is a rly long story that would take too long to share). Like im upset but im not absolutely destroyed which is my normal reaction to this type of stuff. im afraid that im just suppressing the pain right now and one day something will trigger it and all the repressed emotions come out in a fit of rage or something. im just really suspicious,3.2225,5.173457634408603,4.550201612903226,83.14530241935486,74.80645161290323,7.660752688172043,27.75403225806452,8.472884824447931,2.1030548387096784,744,30,143,14,16,246,113,186,0.23600000000000002,0.648,0.11699999999999999,-0.9857,0,0,2,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,0,3,12,13,3,3,6,0,8,1,0,4,3,40,20,12,3,2,9,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,16,10,0,5,3,0,0,3,5,10,0,1,9,1,16,3,22,9,4,20,0,3,0,0,7,4,0,3,15,95,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.09591238376194948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466417920363006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087509383825429,0.10796190938174377,0.12677191890880507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601022591852436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055785905857618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833259035694772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049696057189710915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558578643314208,0.0,0.07860782210255628,0.0,0.0,0.09731800977408288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7431557718063813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011572833409165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603457492098594,0.0,0.0,0.17395899259386394,0.0,0.10995623500982206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930000327827753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629883528015076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660073846426498,0.0,0.10458260744986207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296415133491498,0.10105377241205124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393520438026371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130270802842261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832769101975069,0.15132982309378618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849085656716186,0.08217100492541476,0.0,0.0,0.11251328156419248,0.3225248633690106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389839766144332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629773230844391,0.0,0.0,0.05731101382344801,0.0,0.0,0.18783184519294316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082474950852106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981913636809989,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,afar28,2019/09/30,Is there somewhere to just rant/talk? I’m having an extremely hard time coping with my emotions and just really want someone to talk to. Is there some place for this? Sorry if this has been asked a bunch already,3.109390243902439,5.549091097560973,3.373353658536587,89.13368902439026,77.04878048780488,6.051219512195122,22.445121951219512,7.1686216300943375,0.8122146341463412,169,5,32,2,4,52,34,41,0.086,0.875,0.04,-0.2108,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33417815257615496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28310323707850193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34064066328212994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712743450527865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163907346569746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399932719715665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658512354816265,0.0,0.0,0.3389910762968503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868032406571203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658140206791798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786157599316355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlanaVerger,2019/09/30,"I don't have BPD but I really relate to a lot of your experiences I had no idea this subreddit existed and I kind of stumbled upon it randomly and read through a bunch of different posts. I don't think I have BPD, but I know someone who does, and I have dependent personality disorder. Because of my DPD, I also form really intense emotional attachments to people, feel like they hate me or think I'm annoying when they don't respond immediately or say something that can be interpreted to me as them being annoyed with me. I have a friend who I really like, I enjoy talking with, and think is a genuinely fun human to be around. However, there are moments, like I said above, where I feel like she hates me because she jokes about being angry with me or disagrees with me on certain things. I also feel this immense weight of loneliness and depression whenever I'm not talking to her, like I need to be with her at all times and feel lost and sick without her. I don't love her in a romantic way, although in the past I've been confused by what I feel for her, but it's such a struggle still. I kind of feel crazy because this attachment formed within the first day of me meeting her, and also she's an Internet friend, not an irl one.

I've had experiences with previous friends that ended very badly, ending with them leaving me and me feeling like nobody cares about me or that the friends I do have left will inevitably leave me or tire of me with my insistent messaging. Seeing the different experiences you people face everyday was hard to get through, because I related to a lot of it, especially the fear and guilt of stalking your FP on social media. I don't think I have BPD because I don't have the really drastic mood swings, but I just wanted to say to you all that I'm sorry for everything you have been through, and genuinely hope that things get better for you in the future.

That's kind of all I wanted to say. If I said anything offensive or out of line, let me know. I really don't want to be misrepresenting or misinterpreting other people's experiences. Sorry for the sort of off topic post, I just haven't really found people that I've related to in this regard until now.",8.455744186046513,6.711647388372098,8.985697674418606,68.93343023255815,62.32558139534883,12.6,37.77906976744186,11.505630337794996,4.279474418604652,1747,70,327,43,20,590,196,430,0.16,0.6729999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.6299,3,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,6,4,3,14,34,5,4,17,0,33,5,1,1,4,69,65,30,0,6,17,0,9,6,4,1,2,5,0,2,20,21,1,0,16,2,0,0,12,12,0,2,9,15,63,21,59,48,8,30,0,2,1,1,39,14,0,15,19,240,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014904044188645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836281351488992,0.06313567092474241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921695878550363,0.21616715152870267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627247998171308,0.0,0.0,0.26797156046327825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230976822308545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04573886231548955,0.0,0.061085067491578736,0.0,0.0,0.1481969181756991,0.0812828266716622,0.0,0.06206437379624291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977777313622866,0.12563179109245656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374017563327035,0.2775015393891958,0.0,0.07980703649144205,0.2510222762093891,0.15200020433316336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060326269128020166,0.0,0.07776237957410398,0.21917683458340964,0.0,0.0741076996788655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353223642996453,0.1400417050270757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044160948846201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006237456701422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156323925101895,0.07795382025838221,0.0,0.0,0.1501924452007247,0.07705702713904973,0.07252261281610199,0.0,0.20789362049480445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774198078471205,0.1205908006742613,0.06400992932321216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258780981841228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805862422763034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770313252820467,0.19667370959516747,0.06192640835296799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358474601516253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094125383676413,0.0,0.27260693126758023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492624260739572,0.16920020929368765,0.0,0.0,0.056515700561600574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722961100896913,0.060092032405428826,0.05459926774235588,0.0,0.15878288234553722,0.0,0.0,0.056638449783706815,0.0,0.0,0.07414313732182122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400893281774566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423493230568597,0.18177597274547164,0.0,0.0,0.0413552242956502,0.08151447643035545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058518128147914066,0.12549500788089238,0.05629463112538514,0.0,0.08636396417288306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836633625257049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,twofacedsea27,2019/09/30,"My sad relationship history I've almost always been to terrified to have intimate relationships with someone. I've had one gf the only person I've ever slept with we dated for 2 years, that was 6 years ago and now I'm 27. Whatever emotions I need to access to create relationships have always been to terrifying and painful it creates this block in my head I've rarely able to get past. 

Last year I saw a girl for a while after years of telling myself I couldn't go through being hurt again. It was a disaster everytime we almost had sex a little fucking devil in my head said shes going to leave you and hurt you which would turn my anxiety to 10... no one is turned on with that much anxiety and I was too ashamed to tell her what was happening. She gave me way too many chances before she broke it off. I liked her way too much. Fast forward to this year after a chance meeting I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink and she agreed. It went well I think and the next day I asked if she wanted to hangout the following week and she said sure and we made plans for dinner and a movie. Tonight she cancelled for semi legit sounding reasons and I have no idea if she is just blowing me of or not. I hate all of this. I hate how much I want to be with her. I hate how pathetic I am. I hope I get another chance with her and that I dont fuck it up if I do. Thanks for reading if you did I needed to just get it out there. Never wrote this or said out loud before",1.4852738336713998,3.4157911830065366,3.178767185034932,91.06617647058823,79.98039215686273,6.312192923146268,21.662835249042143,7.372421405659032,0.6491829163849445,1146,34,252,16,29,380,164,306,0.162,0.721,0.11699999999999999,-0.9568,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,3,3,0,1,12,17,5,1,10,0,22,9,3,4,4,53,56,21,0,13,10,0,1,1,1,1,1,5,0,2,15,21,2,1,3,3,0,5,6,12,1,2,18,7,46,5,37,34,4,36,1,4,1,3,36,9,2,10,23,170,61,1,0.09127360044079023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090853965684268,0.0,0.18279465279436805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189389468484138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957083283539962,0.13964810902074806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065699076353108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553342227135748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886392140774197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069719799463009,0.08941338020937371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267051540513096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256219711093665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876194568861486,0.14306006715414066,0.0,0.10374578106289736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071294343409632,0.0,0.0,0.27034135201024634,0.18734609297323096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065527988350226,0.0,0.0,0.19542055407474307,0.10303678503682266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440016648441579,0.0,0.09664556399928273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459167076773018,0.09148012607687013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636528764040798,0.0,0.09253710488889584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128979519714704,0.13535643640650838,0.07039582749892044,0.0,0.0970705095452012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236987076760507,0.06941768608117801,0.09712154613631599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713097944389753,0.0,0.07969658731800988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912983003733302,0.0,0.0,0.09384446284981927,0.0,0.29398106604600144,0.0,0.0,0.2604662863901404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733582545945289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602428823675304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955429966407744,0.08403246829091977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058484437696003325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855893481084194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150660307226627,0.14489747118700405,0.07321417673489444,0.0,0.08206592831501823,0.08461154203968534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483814698560658,0.0,0.0,0.2938860308066504
bpd,wistpom,2019/09/30,"I have an analogy for my mindfulness experience. The scene in Saving Private Ryan in which the guy has been shot in the stomach, and he keeps bleeding and they keep wiping it all away, that's what it's like. I know it's somewhat of a morbid analogy, but I feel that it's true. I have a lot of wounds, and being mindful doesn't take away the wounds but it clears things a bit. Again, morbid, probably nonsensical analogy but I've been thinking about it today.

I'd like to say that this is a positive thing and a breakthrough with being mindful for me.

​

[https://youtu.be/uFFlHFgYmpU?t=79](https://youtu.be/uFFlHFgYmpU?t=79)

nsfw warning for scene in question, it's very graphic, not for faint of heart",7.869389763779527,9.003101007874019,7.2327460629921285,71.48250492125986,62.54330708661418,9.18464566929134,32.41043307086614,9.188382445141503,2.771898425196849,576,21,98,9,8,179,79,127,0.025,0.8490000000000001,0.126,0.9064,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,10,0,9,6,2,0,3,24,15,7,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,15,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,7,4,16,11,4,8,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,4,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545692044355988,0.20798388971405712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216298086072648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868675609372736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167431956196669,0.0,0.0,0.08654603367954182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947999957786494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028310368322915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042781646221379,0.0,0.0,0.09406766281436073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724488874004534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551813803019406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5184827707321086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845445357458499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174367772643086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611706848321678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869458010434676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274284905623263,0.1096754517950312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224415639765705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412288334016222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798388971405712,0.0
bpd,Dylann2019,2019/09/30,"DAE with they would explode? Hear me out: something I wrote in a journal recently. WISH**** 
To make this kind of more interactive, does anyone else who tends to implode rather than explode (more “quiet” BPD types) wish they would be more explosive, in some way, because of their past? 

I remember the way they made me feel. I remember wanting to scream and cry and get loud and break things just like I always saw when I was younger. But even in those painful moments, it was never quite that drastic. It was never crying and screaming in a fit of anger and upset and betrayal. It never looked like the things I witnessed in my childhood; it has always looked exactly the way I looked when I went through it. 
I was always quiet. Silent. Maybe a whisper remember, “please don’t hurt me again,“ or “please don’t leave me.“ Just long, long periods of stillness. Silence. Imploding on myself. Caving in, every time. More often than not I wish I was explosive. If people could see and feel just how intense what I’m feeling is, Then maybe they will finally acknowledge my pain. Maybe they would help me. Maybe I should have always spoken up more. Maybe they would have seen me. But I know I stayed quiet to stay safe. When I opened my mouth I was punished, put down, or ignored. I knew it would never ever do me any good to tell anyone the truth of what I was going through. yes, I’m sure it was the best thing for me back then. I was just trying to keep myself safe. It just hurts but now I feel my emotions don’t mean anything at all unless I break down on the outside where others can see it. “",2.329611156351792,4.7878047166123805,2.8727351384364823,91.55402127443001,80.00977198697069,5.531311074918567,22.297333061889248,6.770275591412753,0.5865017100977203,1236,39,245,13,32,383,164,307,0.077,0.8109999999999999,0.111,0.6462,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,7,2,18,19,2,1,9,1,27,3,1,3,9,65,56,20,0,13,14,0,4,2,0,7,2,8,0,0,19,10,0,4,11,0,0,3,8,10,0,0,15,19,42,9,31,32,8,49,0,2,7,0,13,16,0,5,25,174,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25952275138260755,0.0,0.0,0.05302505389438365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904259106463868,0.07989366802227289,0.06416603085400878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059957260855081275,0.0,0.04753228050280738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182899505955278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820563461067992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225596470406635,0.0,0.17130174924890498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823565013582551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513734536427128,0.08771035432034753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150114993582957,0.07053202697475433,0.06569653239375174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770416762952588,0.0,0.0,0.08541680239731972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073824287875123,0.0,0.044314471298607966,0.06540096581659957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788246450644893,0.0,0.05226438776914233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694574846283236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930695238047238,0.0,0.08119801399606343,0.042852519735114086,0.0,0.0,0.08256330094787158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618840184722474,0.0,0.0,0.1380092289009908,0.19643578770651893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378096769094769,0.052048309423840436,0.0,0.39167726067240105,0.08493664105392522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405536954106225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659398550819107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443509024131426,0.05405741497895847,0.0,0.0,0.17118426756430993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838549533653713,0.0,0.0829350409350573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699000533935296,0.0,0.26498832573623593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427050608334347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002826264824395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662200067060152,0.062270207645444664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348965544419815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815279002764098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540755858975352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546731794299362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293928760707383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599113752261105,0.1856766057098123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228276104982816,0.0,0.0,0.2689990602443821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769527757380928,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emotionalknapsack92,2019/09/30,"Need some serious help. I finished DBT this week and I feel well equipped with lots of new skills and strategies. So why do I feel so on edge? The night after my last DBT group session I had a melt down because I had grown so attached to the therapists and some of the others in the group (typical bpd). 

I've considered relapsing into self harm which I haven't done in years. I have a wedding to attend in a few weekends (open bar) and I fully intend on getting drunk beyond comprehension. My FP hasn't spoken to me in several weeks and I feel like my life has no purpose.

Overall my life is going quite well. I just started this awesome new job, my bf started a higher paying job, I graduated DBT, loving family, basic needs taken care of. So what the fuck is my issue?

Maybe I need different meds? Currently on 225mg of Effexor and somedays I wonder if the pills are even real. Really having trouble seeing the light at the end of the BPD tunnel. Someone help?",3.7100000000000013,5.3704031746031715,5.119767195767197,80.79838095238098,72.80952380952381,7.791322751322753,27.41481481481481,8.447377352677275,2.06193164021164,756,28,140,13,15,253,121,189,0.083,0.789,0.128,0.8718,4,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,1,0,13,0,12,7,0,1,0,23,28,11,0,4,2,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,5,9,2,0,4,3,1,3,3,4,2,0,4,5,20,5,21,24,4,29,0,0,1,2,8,12,1,5,15,91,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042533133000654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33233081259675723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345148193564793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784224571215545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501359937687707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685376747506634,0.0,0.0,0.08714071792159858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243749985461627,0.0,0.2001283622344565,0.0942531948793044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197023448959045,0.06892971779741001,0.0,0.07498074990729955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686425555975374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770411560835105,0.2618469379938685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754327007952906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863768206087716,0.06445595916342396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121649962886529,0.11907497827083327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254475960667056,0.0,0.14654818360497582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934806698419857,0.0,0.2548440579035254,0.0,0.12381048959853973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403273328254403,0.0,0.1501690095434655,0.08451986736114686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513377982895424,0.0,0.13763523322549198,0.1490471057213004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178667948211336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867661752387463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531847609343093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165791299406264,0.0,0.23724781032467004,0.0,0.1190493063336278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307606479079646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496073672163254
bpd,bpdepressed,2019/09/30,I think I permanently split on my fp My fp is the only person I have. I split and I can't bring myself back. If I leave him I have literally no one.... help.,-1.3101428571428568,0.4732944857142876,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,89.85714285714286,5.785714285714287,14.464285714285715,7.1686216300943375,-0.3679999999999993,117,2,30,2,4,44,25,35,0.113,0.797,0.09,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,11,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36773611045609705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205533808498656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063858275709303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240669817833357,0.363722150915662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41757966588004863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064361069167225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hhotguac,2019/09/30,"Crushing Hard on Brother's Friend (Who's not Single) Hi, all!

I'm in a predicament. I'm crushing hard on my brother's friend, who is queer, but partnered and who works at the same place as my brother and I. We've been flirting (or what I perceive as flirting - hugging/can't stop laughing and smiling at each other) ever since I met him at my brother's place. He wanted to kiss me, but it didn't feel right, because is GF was right there.   


His vibe is so chill and sweet, and I'm sort of idealizing him right now. I just don't want to make it weird.",2.54517543859649,3.8870105350877218,3.427192982456141,93.05201754385969,75.22807017543859,5.417543859649123,26.701754385964907,5.033348758259628,0.5366385964912279,427,16,94,1,9,136,75,114,0.105,0.682,0.213,0.9456,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,2,22,15,11,0,3,5,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,11,8,11,11,4,14,0,0,0,2,17,11,1,2,3,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078983527811724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407594359616293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848470707038793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33152703693901675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843956252725171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432161416207772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44832552910682816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496826051205099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748089010004636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793763510248584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530984517134735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619751895479836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chaoticsapphic,2019/09/30,"I don't know how I got like this Over the past year or two, I've just become such a bitter and irritable person. I used to have patience, but I've just become so mean and I don't know what happened to me. I want to be better and I don't know how.",-0.030000000000001137,1.203323894736844,2.726175438596492,95.82189473684211,81.98245614035088,5.261754385964913,16.66315789473684,5.6839178017228535,-0.7578673684210528,190,3,49,1,5,67,36,57,0.077,0.784,0.138,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,0,15,13,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,7,2,4,11,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.56354588192511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564327400443754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405214386466794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256121381342028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206411644724977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246444715908368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779132383980496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435520962770485,0.0,0.222771177729342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492266191505391,0.0,0.0,0.2203518908851843,0.0,0.0,0.1504832991736045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164296463384962
bpd,moni628,2019/09/30,"Meeting new people: Them: So what do you like to do?
Me: Uhhhmmm....
Them: What type of music do you listen to?
Me Uhmmmmmmmm....
Them: What's your favorite type of movi-- Me: *interrupts* JESUS WILL YOU STOP DRILLING ME ITS PRETTY F*CKING CLEAR BY NOW THAT I HAVE NO PERSONALITY OK??",-0.04653846153846075,1.0002243461538498,3.216153846153848,79.12884615384617,122.84615384615385,4.676923076923077,19.384615384615387,6.297961479604792,0.762261538461539,214,8,40,4,13,76,38,52,0.09,0.6559999999999999,0.254,0.8955,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,12,2,5,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,30,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398630563294356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741817157754952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403766573322317,0.4286959130259259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994928181931289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104727573228215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,erinjaeger16,2019/09/30,"blocked everyone i ever cared about so a lot of shit has been happening lately

im going through the phase where i hate everyone as i can't cope with my relationship issues and my loneliness and just want to push everyone away even though i need them the most

someone ive been relying on recently provoked me publically an hour or so ago in a discord and then kicked me from it making it seem like it was my fault

all day he was preaching how he wanted to help me blah blah

i blocked him because fking really? youre really gonna do that to me after you pretended to care? i dont even want to hear his reasoning because he was the one who pushed me over the edge

a friend of 5 years i blocked a few days ago because apparently he doesnt care about me idfk

and someone i'm romantically close to i blocked out as a result of all of these things because i feel like everyone is just gonna keep betraying me in the end i cant trust anyone & our relationship as a whole has been extremely unstable even though i love him

ive been crying my eyes out for the last hour i know im just gonna end up throwing myself into traffic by the end of this because i can't handle being alone for more than 5 seconds idk what to do anymore",6.423457013574662,5.218724576470592,7.376862745098041,77.1112669683258,65.98039215686275,10.983408748114634,34.125188536953246,10.214889679676881,3.175437405731524,977,37,205,20,13,331,144,255,0.163,0.718,0.11800000000000001,-0.8752,1,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,2,1,0,17,11,2,0,14,0,20,3,2,5,3,35,41,14,0,4,4,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,5,4,1,0,4,5,3,0,2,7,3,34,8,34,30,7,31,1,0,1,1,19,11,1,4,18,137,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644744774494164,0.0,0.0,0.10307883865777533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783629376874036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870297017049444,0.06959083802174926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350787892628662,0.0,0.0,0.3033503882271471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044199283928961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932455078728147,0.12837197087855853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166436381239985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644512753121159,0.0,0.0,0.19720779641013456,0.09002689346653855,0.0,0.3804051302326649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032329605206953,0.07110133781349663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689347964189454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656287445210852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801044320742286,0.0,0.0,0.09826124202389352,0.0,0.0,0.11217294623520196,0.0,0.06671012689697092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602596833298644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150101467213704,0.1038792038266281,0.0,0.08846321148094269,0.0,0.0,0.054696843326886325,0.08112690912264947,0.1122695738765242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724667545625744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461337891178722,0.0898260294095165,0.0,0.06643432506612489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379720929667967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744133978736587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275177069359239,0.1023292227561865,0.09826984004238318,0.21370718513010556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060466050146572,0.0,0.0,0.10216192763011853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865597969564494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661205994928723,0.0,0.19556742402699034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761089004134969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111713646606597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409143000684378
bpd,undercover-homo,2019/09/30,I truly dont feel like I have anyone anymore You become such a nuisance that even the closest people to you basically tell you to leave them alone. Why am I such a burden to everyone around me?,3.6684615384615378,5.141124564102566,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,72.58974358974359,7.2512820512820495,25.82051282051281,7.793537801064563,1.5221897435897442,154,5,29,2,3,52,31,39,0.21,0.716,0.07400000000000001,-0.5122,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058778383622028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928928143623636,0.2065049954101439,0.0,0.0,0.2629106329230421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261741407758573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34613024702893674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506588439027855,0.0,0.0,0.2822051074027181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933017500102685,0.2109872772942092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127169653035801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428569075766828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474800026526774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581356780765366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664937675509145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wrongdoor123,2019/09/30,sodium valproate for borderline personality disorder Have you taken it and did it work? Any side effects?,5.507450980392154,9.06891347058824,6.749411764705886,56.76568627450985,90.76470588235293,9.325490196078432,35.07843137254902,8.841846274778883,5.3783490196078425,87,5,10,3,3,29,16,17,0.161,0.8390000000000001,0.0,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882189279272413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6542795425201371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4984716180056356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156084579042002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boarderline69,2019/09/30,dae become obsessed with demons because its a good metaphor for mental health stuff dae become obsessed with demons because its a good metaphor for mental health stuff,16.119999999999994,12.541762428571431,10.501428571428573,69.64357142857145,49.714285714285715,11.2,49.42857142857143,3.1291,4.250171428571429,140,6,20,0,1,36,14,28,0.109,0.705,0.18600000000000005,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541994400096333,0.4605439381056758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497599675590333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44325169281824256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42023810316994464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773654410657495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inthetrunkonhwyten,2019/09/30,"Where I am. Where am I going? So, this is a throwaway account. I’m not sure if anyone cares but my regular account has too many details that link me to it, and a lot of my friends use reddit. Some of them even use this subreddit as a resource to help me (I love them so much) and I’m not ready to talk to them yet. I just want to say some stuff I guess.

I’ve come a long way. Mentally, I know I’m doing better than a year ago. Miles better than two years ago. I can’t go into a lot of detail, but I’m overall more stable now. My brain is usually more in the moment and I panic far less than I used to. I feel more logical and less emotional. But the problem is, I feel far far less emotional. I feel so little these days. My head in numb and tingly and heavy a lot. My days are better, overall, but my desire to talk about anything bad has me a little worried. It sounds silly when I type it, but it’s true. 

I don’t know where I’m going in life right now. I work. I socialize. I have my leisure and alone time. My interests are in tact. But I can’t shake some sense of “something isn’t right” and I don’t know what it is. My brain tends to be scattered and doesn’t like to hold onto thoughts. I have had medication changed in order to fix it. It hasn’t. Sometimes I wait for my cycle to repeat. When I don’t know if it will, it almost seems more tumultuous thinking that it won’t. I worry that I’ll be on edge about it forever. Waiting. Waiting when it’s just easier for it to happen and always happen. Am I complacent in my disorder?

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it’s parts of my uncovered past that need to be brought to light that make me feel this way. I know something happened that was bad, but I don’t know what it was. I work through the things I know, but there is still something else that I’m unsure of. I want to feel light and free again. I want to take all the stuff and talk about it and make it easier to deal with.

I feel like I’ve rambled incoherently. I guess any insight into what I said or if anyone relates is fine by me. It’s just all things I think about that I never say out loud and this was the best way for me to get it out I think.

Have a great day everyone.",0.7380769230769211,2.5368053717948733,2.6612991452991466,94.50592307692308,81.8205128205128,5.7839316239316245,20.22905982905983,6.841164205622888,0.1643500854700859,1686,46,395,19,45,563,197,468,0.08900000000000001,0.745,0.16699999999999998,0.9897,1,1,3,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,3,6,24,22,0,2,14,0,35,7,3,5,5,89,88,34,0,10,18,0,6,2,1,2,3,5,0,0,39,20,0,4,22,0,3,6,13,6,0,1,7,13,58,17,50,76,18,55,0,0,0,1,14,23,0,16,24,265,97,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469510997836878,0.0,0.07607832858565514,0.07868753947363122,0.0,0.0,0.06321756929612056,0.0,0.0,0.051665836634982205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624744875172143,0.0,0.06252123145827837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687247113401218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973143222395516,0.2015820429839541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962721241241285,0.0,0.0,0.07746192281522868,0.0,0.08037183595096956,0.06544602825776465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699342741943766,0.07832723967043549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707432205312696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346764778646102,0.17092406342623126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018099565534112,0.0,0.0,0.07259769340371967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049248882326784,0.05427679821269973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058698359366217374,0.0,0.039693979483021766,0.0,0.12953561004802636,0.0,0.0,0.08376308077656326,0.16739080551090169,0.0,0.20155422725419356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797261792165126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509246690382691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922784202933894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536636296343098,0.0742354271088449,0.1522945006178586,0.0,0.06723578526408339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937745519783178,0.0685707107972712,0.0,0.10142825907071726,0.0770270701520166,0.07632744100117178,0.0,0.0,0.07653716223077592,0.0765652733213248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585061687471711,0.0563347520712321,0.05859686608608471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914069191205723,0.0,0.082273889683482,0.07252705900078751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269813986851338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976505080099948,0.07226994669902799,0.12083727989273975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916509627523107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744729152403836,0.0,0.17546858609385446,0.1502831082656894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060674004817498725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394717515452512,0.0,0.0,0.07160585899834862,0.0,0.057124000575523026,0.18319830165121445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094928018910296,0.14604579073291918,0.0,0.06031593358342261,0.044301831842594654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421686771743602,0.0,0.0,0.1968549008872263,0.08367610350464702,0.0,0.13443667229267467,0.18091706604672134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239201554559042,0.11062190504126908,0.15431329178850026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785125626664362
bpd,badassllamalady,2019/09/30,"Crying tonight for all that BPD has taken from me. Sitting on my couch tonight, alone and drinking a beer, hating BPD and everything it's taken from me. 

I wish I had been a better girlfriend before the love of my life broke my heart.

I wish I hadn't ended all of my close friendships because they hurt my feelings once or twice. 

I wish the ""favorite person"" mentality didn't make me so obsessed with all of my significant others and take friendships away from me. 

I wish BPD didn't take so much away from me. I hate it. And tonight I'm crying for all that I've lost because of it.",4.319935897435897,5.192986752136754,4.737681623931625,87.14447115384618,70.36752136752136,6.875641025641028,28.30021367521368,6.6274283507984215,1.2129495726495727,458,16,94,3,8,145,64,117,0.19,0.607,0.204,0.2403,0,1,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,2,8,2,1,4,0,6,5,1,1,4,17,21,7,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,6,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,8,1,19,2,14,13,5,9,0,3,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,62,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770029326389384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316864201587657,0.0,0.0,0.15032351564197874,0.0,0.1049181328666674,0.0,0.0,0.10904770174110458,0.0,0.0,0.4658712803499006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27087571762094603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078580934689412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920607259163692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081294291327767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234353963950377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24346392695760444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461095817712181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199383432135245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708953523960156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459512249667954,0.0,0.11128191244383172,0.0,0.08230285579661087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425611376804895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063874917909696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130911717865248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765969006931772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541059168194365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5671497911534827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,captainoatssss,2019/09/30,"What should I tell my therapist? I have therapy every 2 weeks. I usually write down my fleeting thoughts/worries in my notes on my phone, but I didn’t write down much this time. I haven’t had any good or bad things really happen. I’m just existing. I don’t want to waste any time in my therapist’s office because it is GOLD. I look forward to seeing him, I just don’t know what to talk about. I guess this is a vent, but if anyone responds that’d be great.",1.4186458333333327,3.2910844062500004,3.0741666666666667,92.02083333333336,79.9375,6.766666666666668,22.125,7.793537801064563,0.8789875000000009,357,11,80,6,9,118,65,96,0.092,0.7879999999999999,0.12,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,0,0,12,18,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,15,2,9,13,1,10,0,0,2,0,7,6,0,3,5,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789501298046685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341072143134648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712499719181405,0.12502708476807814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728056351951651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202818822427904,0.0,0.22612352549847856,0.22594082456877515,0.0,0.18136929389935516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271762180927568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223238341935204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077213340163415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139234177088432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343818278755304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648516484456444,0.17926648092265696,0.0,0.2345497779906671,0.4762739244909024,0.13625935747148782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391909731450849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258887250687236,0.0,0.12097332147318733,0.0,0.16451888597858902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082890531663344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LithiumGirl87,2019/09/30,"I prayed for God to take me in my sleep tonight I’m a coward and I can’t bring myself to kill myself, so I got on my knees and begged God to just let me die. But I don’t want to die, I just want the pain to stop. So many people have walked out on me. My own brother told me today that he doesn’t give a shit about me anymore, that I’m nothing to him. Triggered my abandonment issues so hard. All I ever do is hurt people and push them away. What is the point of it all? I hate myself more than anything. Feel so alone and unloved....like a burden. I think everyone will just be better off without me.",0.6528205128205151,2.273689076923077,2.341153846153848,97.57301282051284,81.30769230769229,4.94871794871795,18.525641025641026,5.46131890053228,-0.5603589743589743,460,10,111,2,12,151,83,130,0.28800000000000003,0.6459999999999999,0.066,-0.9878,0,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,3,0,5,0,10,4,3,1,3,20,22,9,3,2,5,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,2,2,23,1,17,17,4,14,1,2,0,0,6,7,1,0,4,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224864357561207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745118849289618,0.0,0.0,0.14480576853933108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532669866923094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556284266809383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652517292673124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917213885262538,0.0,0.16814391755100971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897415381437092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880348847737522,0.0,0.0,0.1407368079134777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763178245196108,0.17373088703845918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883762100350015,0.0,0.0,0.18366373001127576,0.0,0.0,0.19468130747469886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993808133730094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840282143417133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688449901241626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872411923149216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24398658969845205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634560169408938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062749811796125,0.0,0.0,0.17609398507107998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711621091801574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230521236453555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275248677257915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667960496059143,0.16814391755100971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757967810451494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962581594436135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,useridentitynotfound,2019/09/30,How do you date? When you date how do you keep from rushing in too quickly or jumping into sex too quickly? I haven’t been single in years and don’t even remember how this works. Now I keep cycling through tinder one nighter high fives and it’s taken a hit to my heart and always leaves me feeling more empty after. Idk how to read people anymore or trust when someone’s honestly into me and not just full of shit and using me.,5.6768965517241385,5.477505655172418,5.979908045977013,83.18089655172416,67.16091954022988,7.879540229885057,31.193103448275863,6.742157984588678,1.7497972413793097,340,12,67,2,5,109,62,87,0.08199999999999999,0.8270000000000001,0.091,0.2031,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,13,3,1,0,1,0,5,3,2,5,0,20,11,13,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,1,9,2,10,8,3,17,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,2,9,53,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20896563669398227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490598666933897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587325048734214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698213016944349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975978912772467,0.0,0.2653394378336347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464432148425662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659172293483182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017655160782685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410638688020486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25120440168021235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844886310683377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778794734085136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127870911456988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169012515468248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283031977210645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172363391010672
bpd,CalypsoMoore,2019/05/24,"Feeling like a failure Is anyone around to talk? I felt like I was doing SO well these past few months but this week it just feels like everything has fallen apart again, I spent a whole day dissociated and then stayed in bed the next two days, then I had work yesterday but when I woke up this morning I just felt like my boss must hate me for no exact reason. I forgot to go to therapy this afternoon and now keep having panic attacks about everyone hating me because my gf didn't reply to one text and I just feel like I have no one to talk to, I just feel like I've failed after almost a year of therapy and no one in my life understands bpd and now I'm alone in my flat and can't stop my spiralling thoughts. I just feel like I've undone so much progress and now I hate myself.",4.577546012269941,4.676957460122701,5.317920245398773,85.96780061349695,69.49079754601227,8.48319018404908,26.1159509202454,8.238735603445708,1.364899877300613,618,16,135,8,10,201,100,163,0.226,0.621,0.153,-0.9589,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,15,14,4,1,4,0,10,1,0,2,2,32,28,14,0,1,7,0,7,7,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,8,0,3,10,0,1,2,5,6,1,4,9,7,20,8,15,18,3,27,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,25,88,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149634265642823,0.1153202630373962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785529843137796,0.0,0.0,0.09912102003320562,0.0,0.12667147634865414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787512746237583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402356439920805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361715402609132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063953092856679,0.10007007343592607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814979200968943,0.3977259098827025,0.21381810662473216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328016152398074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297916165178459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896891495823623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864655479593219,0.3807841957383846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887484265164937,0.0,0.08185168670767172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184171049714568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635159102910965,0.0,0.0,0.1306398459959311,0.0,0.0,0.10629179127023476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144816243403185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867939032823585,0.0,0.09308974710196913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789904430929791,0.0,0.0,0.25466635660456816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839581683091391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876828484202952,0.11591449690408788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931457033073117,0.0,0.10011289415694616,0.0,0.0,0.12431317205437298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106078339971452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170279237788617
bpd,LLAP1963,2019/05/24,"Abilify, weight gain? Was prescribed  2.5 mg Abilify today. Curious about the weight gain side effect. I’d appreciate hearing about others’ experiences on the drug and what the weight gain side effect looked like. Thank you",5.3108108108108105,8.964510351351349,4.836540540540541,73.56724324324324,80.62162162162161,8.365405405405406,26.318918918918918,8.841846274778883,3.1330908108108115,181,7,26,5,5,55,27,37,0.0,0.589,0.41100000000000003,0.9595,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618935336393645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090712301572515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25452918441526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033015455917933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896420828117933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791585188227396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406242052037144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8250079577788842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PMME-UR-BOOBIES,2019/05/24,6month relationship I recently posted about my relationship with my pwBPD in another sub and it got a lot of responses with people experiencing almost exactly the same patterns. Where the first 3 months are amazing then the first small fight. Then 2 months being normal still good but worse than the first 3. Then the next month is completely filled with ups and downs and then the pwBPD feels stuck. Months might be 1/2+ according to comments. Does anyone here experience the same?,7.430156862745098,9.29634615294118,6.454999999999997,74.01583333333333,63.941176470588225,10.372549019607844,29.46078431372549,10.504223727775694,3.2147254901960785,393,13,66,10,6,119,63,85,0.096,0.8540000000000001,0.05,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,8,0,5,0,0,0,1,15,8,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,2,3,2,10,3,3,21,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,14,44,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616408923042794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400166765926872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602851221297192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398404203376147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521446872903954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232033028395798,0.0,0.0,0.08390382033838573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234432695924894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918188639690734,0.13271669737715533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107553160056555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760352153912947,0.0,0.0,0.5298041866795704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764781689523128,0.0,0.1625851351405484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504131317587114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892383623229125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384489193765636,0.35631309299823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325192198342176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691061708006566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,451f03731a0e696f50,2019/05/24,"why the fuck can't i just be normal? i've had a hellish year involving seeing someone i had a massive crush on get really close with (and eventually sleep with) someone who used to be my best friend. it was absolutely horrible and brought out all the worst bpd shit in me. luckily that ended a couple months ago and i'm now seeing him and getting close with him - i should be really happy, right?

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but no, my fucking stupid brain won't let that happen. if i don't hear from him for 20 minutes i assume he fucking hates me. we mostly communicate via twitter dms and if i see him tweeting without responding to me i'm certain he hates me and is sick of me. if he gives short responses (likely because he's usually quite busy during the days) then of course he's just trying to get rid of me.

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he just sent a really nice message and i'm here crying from relief that he doesn't hate me. he never gave any actual signals to indicate that his feelings about me had changed. i am doing everything i can to reassure myself that i will know if his feelings change, but i also know that i can only keep my neediness and clinginess under control for so long. and eventually i'm sure it'll be the thing that makes him leave, because i'm expecting too much of him or wanting too much too soon or making his life worse instead of better by adding my anxieties to his.

​

i just want to fucking be normal and be happy about the good things that are happening and be able to deal with it like a normal person would. but of course that's too much to ask and i know i will probably ruin this like i've ruined everything else.",4.453612963456919,5.577044806748468,5.466046945852232,81.11903040810884,70.25766871165644,8.491651106961857,28.59109095758869,8.841846274778883,2.2223015737530005,1301,47,250,23,23,429,177,326,0.152,0.708,0.141,-0.6127,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,0,4,16,27,10,0,10,0,27,9,3,4,4,58,64,24,0,12,14,0,2,3,1,6,2,1,0,1,16,20,0,2,6,0,0,2,7,13,0,0,7,6,38,14,31,43,7,21,1,2,3,4,32,8,5,8,14,166,54,0,0.08043394650931647,0.0,0.07849192905681872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129984047388421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432299796351591,0.0,0.2614504423136895,0.29320814682895885,0.05469784182388781,0.0,0.061531748922234085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519488220155901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806357446235822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441046448137968,0.07113728929215904,0.0,0.0,0.10130373990470284,0.08979088540762163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017690049230755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021351044749247,0.0,0.08899863193444545,0.08835291335332654,0.05187324136413714,0.08292386700836604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719224124994687,0.0,0.07124060254709139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445776894235257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813396402495817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214306754806676,0.2974395498100654,0.12607025178720715,0.0771595707123567,0.0,0.06746417816927028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225494652200182,0.17124686344465054,0.0,0.2382356096597101,0.0,0.0,0.09065490347717167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149338737408306,0.0,0.0,0.13261318041628065,0.0,0.0,0.08516793560832303,0.0,0.08224915987238103,0.056812875133928166,0.11788789016664344,0.0,0.0,0.07118151155205785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738056774959873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420160871912509,0.0,0.17738461659854748,0.0,0.06203561814349976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364245695057751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117364081277884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023181960998989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672139848242301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555140292283439,0.0,0.0,0.15458413728833673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869015083533912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922863246492949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256429022494348,0.0,0.0,0.08049203494354203,0.0,0.1363028437186434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580804268837396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687348003342337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460936985691086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946910461716377,0.08858662845764295,0.0,0.09488405124577916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725791260245894,0.0,0.0,0.07753545414290637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196906315728772,0.057137967837552366,0.0,0.29320814682895885,0.051796824421475145
bpd,MoarteInExtaz,2019/05/24,Idealation I really wanna die. Probably not gonna act on it. But I'm so tired. Tired of trying. Tired of not being right or good enough. I couldn't hurt my family like that though. Just wish I would wake up dead.,-1.0175000000000018,0.8691317954545461,1.3049999999999995,95.5025,106.04545454545456,5.836363636363638,10.045454545454547,7.1686216300943375,-0.3565363636363639,165,2,37,4,8,55,37,44,0.318,0.496,0.18600000000000005,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,10,6,4,2,5,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,5,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847521408041967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175121762956881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984492477210792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656504827592154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535434889035136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284411462625684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696441763784805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485752194063025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977362397999802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682412513773374,0.0,0.0,0.7258477411644355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292186293162426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420750798054821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495396271531371,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,orangesnowglobes94,2019/05/24,"Boyfriend and I are struggling so I’m resorting to exes I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for years and I’ve seen it play out in some of my previous relationships but after two years of being with my current boyfriend I thought it would never happen with us. I’ve been very stable since we started dating until recently. We’ve been fighting slightly more than usual but nothing concerning from the outside. But it makes me feel like our relationship is struggling and that he’s going to leave. So I’m seeking validation from others like my exes. And it feels really good to talk to them again but obviously I shouldn’t be. I know two years isn’t long and it doesn’t make sense for me to be bored. I love my boyfriend so much but I feel like he’s getting sick of me or bored of me or something so that’s why I’m going to others for the attention I need. I don’t know how to talk to him about it. He knows I have BPD but is very jealous and if he knows I’m even thinking about an ex in any way he gets upset. 
Can anybody help me with this?",2.901064295485636,4.339911172093025,4.160957592339262,87.75637482900137,74.48837209302326,7.105335157318741,25.6703146374829,7.724431198458867,1.2570766073871409,822,28,175,11,17,270,115,215,0.121,0.7559999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.3797,1,0,1,0,2,0,11.0,3,0,1,0,9,13,2,3,3,0,16,3,0,3,2,40,40,21,0,4,9,1,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,10,1,0,2,5,7,0,2,5,4,23,6,29,30,3,19,0,0,1,1,18,3,0,4,16,110,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659229082616947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207484103614366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292425301764059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841036873250188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315348328181486,0.18193656009685671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330547549137935,0.0,0.14473503767257626,0.1068027099714688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260208163564812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535008893289636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799203454976742,0.0,0.0,0.13482957285600985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662861513002812,0.0,0.0,0.11268762978999795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492497399130737,0.0,0.16999444661071894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360601074563704,0.09441742460179874,0.09820874295477476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218154216338292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157417871734186,0.0,0.1257281312025168,0.27342066497075823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533297907307317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802884476798222,0.0,0.0,0.09012849778964176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662367610287072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469439315729307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159124358087007,0.0,0.10108991168007728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877594217623505,0.0,0.15316854656332174,0.0,0.14024171409563682,0.21012972288910914,0.0,0.10107274115656638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490019677313368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045526044950596,0.0,0.0,0.24599904866178585
bpd,viewdistorted,2019/05/24,Job Advice Just lost my job pushing shopping carts at a grocery store due to blowing up on a particular supervisor who'd chosen me as the person to take her misery out on. Now I'm just sitting at home without a clue of what to do. I look at jobs online and feel that I'm not cut out for any of them. I have a very hard time taking life and myself seriously. Can anybody help with recommendations for jobs that wouldn't require a lot of human interaction? Thanks.,4.957419354838709,5.556846408602157,6.315215053763442,77.39282258064519,68.78494623655914,8.350537634408601,29.478494623655912,8.344100000000001,2.0383204301075266,368,13,72,5,6,125,71,93,0.102,0.8170000000000001,0.081,-0.2451,4,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,4,4,1,0,6,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,13,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,5,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,3,7,1,19,10,1,13,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,1,3,47,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826384927552946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709978408923714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450327809006084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674275003948794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527648560707552,0.0,0.18747796710446527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7418856694367629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201442547331962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569506259853907,0.0,0.20402563544546848,0.15889741540710295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319563644512172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810541205693547,0.0,0.0,0.1720742707597986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898407204227813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421374209599745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801668795736756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,euos,2019/05/24,"Need support/strategies suggestion I am having panic/paranoia/anger attack for the last hour that is pretty severe. It is likely caused by over exercising myself... I feel like my wife is cheating, manager wants to fire etc (I don’t have any real reason to think that, but who cares). It should pass soon but it is really hard for me to sit in the office. 

I do not take any medicine. My usual playlist is not helping...

Any strategies for dealing with it? I am trying to listen to music and simply breath through it. Maybe lunch & walk in a few minutes...",2.672521440823324,5.202924811320759,3.5304459691252177,86.91446826758148,79.18867924528301,5.363979416809607,22.84391080617496,6.574015621080383,0.742332075471698,434,14,79,4,11,138,77,106,0.095,0.868,0.037000000000000005,-0.6174,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,0,12,3,1,2,0,14,19,3,0,3,4,1,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,2,1,0,3,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,4,9,3,14,18,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500396116483735,0.0,0.3859984602684235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524844585842184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929075051234452,0.19436605469463653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506244925099264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110140241894928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956679302394165,0.13516836851927638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949086583719045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126820384730733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863291967619735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422764586911306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487239297557528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008224532606496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029339937418567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199175874771834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924899023354636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153571563079484,0.12120981780300767,0.19453465317460988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374823568226792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470803454275567,0.0,0.0,0.14225890648208875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123517422132055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284580401353892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838300650031405,0.0,0.11159824124573878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TiffanyBlueBitch,2019/05/24,"3 Year Anniversary Today marks 3 years since I first attempted. Its still so surreal that I almost ceased to exist. That everything I've accomplished these last few years wouldn't have ever happened. I feel sad because I still think about that day and what I did, but I know I should be happy that I survived it. I'm proud of all the progress I've made so far. I know I'm not near where I want to be but I'm better than I used to be, and that's what really matters. 💕",2.265378787878788,3.6647205252525294,3.658472222222226,90.87437500000004,76.07070707070706,7.374242424242425,22.476010101010104,8.07648339933343,0.9354131313131316,368,10,83,6,8,121,65,99,0.035,0.71,0.255,0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,2,18,18,6,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,11,3,7,11,2,13,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,10,50,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259439891511975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754690689947047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955858556033296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551792425689128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410260238101724,0.0,0.0,0.20278899780990126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140894158303414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192767413235826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953104904167693,0.2401959801301052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480096254613885,0.1839251876575687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135042498821455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454956087624882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866501889471425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36038979670301297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457979983872693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387855963260394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948788939737128,0.0,0.0,0.133087212397682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359106646142255
bpd,Bunnyturdd,2019/05/24,"I’m not my past Okay I’ll try to make this as brief as possible. 

I’m 25 and trying to get my life together. I have struggled with depression/anxiety since I was a preteen. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and everything in my life sort of clicked. I was the classic impulsive and self destructive person. I spent my teenage years rebelling, putting myself in insanely dangerous situations, and generally being a shitty person in order to escape the trauma and pain I had inside.
I’ve been with my husband since we were 18. He’s a fantastic guy who is so understanding and supportive. Our relationship hasn’t always been easy due to the fact that I had spent the last 5 years binge drinking. Last year I fell into a deep deep depression and pretty much gave up. I gave into every destructive thought and impulse. I left my husband, I started using coke regularly, I associated with dangerous people. It was a dark 6 months that is a bit of a blur.
In October I had a wake up call and wanted to change. I moved in with my mom and started to detox. I’ve been slowly working on my mental health and well-being for the last few months. Taking it day by day. In April I spent 6 days in a secure mental health unit so that I could be properly observed and diagnosed. I was diagnosed with BPD and started to feel super hopeful after receiving DBT and community resources. At the end of April my mom agreed to let me adopt a dog in order to help with my recovery. 
I have a gorgeous husky mix puppy who is an absolute dream. She is so sweet and well behaved. 

My husband and I are back together and attending therapy together and working towards cohabiting again. He comes to visit my everyday and we often watch a movie together in bed. 


On to yesterday. I received a message from my sister saying “Just a head up mom is upset she had to find out about your life on Instagram.” Referring to a photo I posted of my husband, me and our dog. Confused, I told my sister I had told my mom weeks ago about us being back together. 
I sent a message to my mom explaining that I was confused why she was upset because we’ve talked about this on multiple ocassions. The previous night I had mentioned my husband and I possibly renting or buying her home when she sold it next year!

My mom went on to deny any of these conversations ever happened and she had no idea I even wanted to get back with my husband. I listed the times we had had conversations and she continued to deny it. 
Here are some of the things she said:
“I am not lying. That your MO”
“Maybe you dreamt it”
“You need to get your stuff and make new living arrangements”
I became very upset and hurt. This is something that 100% happened and I can’t understand why she would want to lie about it. I have done a 180 with my life. I am taking my medication regularly, I eat more than 1 meal a day, I wake up at 6am and sleep at 10pm, I’m a great dog mom and I honestly feel stable.

I went to my moms 30 minutes later to collect an overnight bag and my dogs things. From the moment I entered my mom was arguing with me. Questioning my decisions, my mental health, and my motives. I tried to pack my bag and ignore her but it was relentless. 
“I am the only person who has ever stood by you and now that’s done! You’ve used me enough! You’re done using me!” 
When I asked how I used her
“You live here, you eat my food, I got you a cellphone!  You bullied me into getting a dog.”
1.	I pay $400 rent a month including $80 for my phone bill. 
2.	I had asked her permission multiple times and asked every step of the way of the adoption. She agreed to the dog. She wrote me a letter of approval for the rescue, since I live in her home.
At this point I was beyond tired. I put my bag down and clapped for her. I called her a god damn saint for being a mother and doing what she signed up for. My mom continued to question my mental health, said I was scaring her with my lies. She still says I never talked to her. 
She said she assumed we were good friends and that’s why he was over every day and why we hugged and kissed... she said she walks on egg shells around me. Which she says about my siblings as well. She was 100% gaslighting me. When I told her this she yelled “You were in the mental hospital a month ago!”
That’s when I just grabbed my stuff and left.

I’m frustrated. I have been working so hard to better myself. I have been mending bridges and really digging deep into my own hurt. I hadn’t thought about self harm or suicide in over a week!

The thing that hurts me the most is that my mom would continue to lie. What does she gain from this? Why is she throwing my past in my face and being so cruel? 

As of right now I feel like I need to cut her out of my life. For good. I don’t know what I want from this post. I guess I wanted to just write it out and feel heard. For once in my life I have been taking responsibility for my actions and past. I am working to better myself and build a future. I can’t fall back into this toxic relationship. 

I’m telling the truth. I’m not a liar. I’m not my past. I’m not my diagnosis.",2.1103609461396715,4.09781351653697,3.78196149907844,87.22128138439486,78.23151750972762,6.97433544951874,23.856072086831865,7.962331413323475,1.2901554863813227,3957,134,822,68,95,1320,401,1028,0.10099999999999999,0.8059999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.8971,2,0,2,0,0,1,105.0,8,11,0,10,37,46,11,7,50,1,71,31,5,8,5,135,141,61,1,11,11,20,6,1,1,2,17,9,5,6,40,70,7,2,18,2,9,19,12,26,2,0,58,18,176,20,122,74,8,135,1,4,2,2,126,50,1,14,62,549,216,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192228041069454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03375587834278673,0.0,0.0,0.0275876740492738,0.0,0.03103445723533105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036114177091916035,0.11377698815042762,0.0,0.0,0.12477734564131872,0.0,0.02472991472940293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175831017464036,0.044289817873974686,0.0,0.10218811065568688,0.0,0.08284905642228996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291563163144,0.03494579422279775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03239029733566743,0.0,0.0,0.13081522295164347,0.0,0.03494121330700848,0.12352719030038314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03550138540616981,0.1245456404599558,0.0,0.03974125741956059,0.0,0.08302251276808187,0.0,0.0,0.03593126267158685,0.041917653713861504,0.0,0.026794823074058838,0.073392271287072,0.10254102855546646,0.0,0.036459959274585764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204972655833953,0.028981832387793338,0.0,0.0,0.03707847472515418,0.0,0.04905506293647487,0.0,0.031342784921165934,0.0,0.08478055434834195,0.0,0.0,0.0680531331868067,0.03244598602782465,0.04472643279064197,0.04469029519356907,0.040168760575328484,0.07174840845058625,0.0,0.03634101616203866,0.0,0.04163453663178681,0.1724878161280486,0.0,0.0,0.027191917560930003,0.0,0.08138615002315235,0.04029324029419569,0.0,0.0,0.1302868518062693,0.04579640528345685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022295146535770284,0.09920515793245982,0.0,0.0,0.08815463852735088,0.041483593094799334,0.17192653626554,0.01981950646087841,0.0,0.10746702888814028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054158994276957965,0.0,0.0407560721068391,0.0,0.0,0.040868055601162585,0.2044153294957086,0.0,0.0,0.5226410772093585,0.12952416371270614,0.043117430884219335,0.02982219420303204,0.060161409511968064,0.031288591208011265,0.03918088814200407,0.04314459534636103,0.03807037906768505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043203663208026176,0.0,0.030853840057968512,0.043167279404390836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490722642136998,0.028124786961202804,0.10626740375933616,0.0,0.0,0.03834993239064107,0.0914687913738464,0.07770598081155687,0.041272304659307424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156421678863411,0.09089103022905463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025988940029417932,0.0,0.040056068148171885,0.0871098352010495,0.0,0.034644904231179316,0.15435807202171414,0.09678405619075828,0.040615708323512405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464267476776895,0.0,0.0,0.10067496305671304,0.04560020266475994,0.0405973608745823,0.0,0.0,0.031231276954144817,0.0,0.0,0.08614285160428715,0.0,0.03239770759922002,0.0,0.0,0.04241054782774411,0.09288145286136293,0.044374876573327136,0.046036157257777925,0.0,0.0,0.0915064040906884,0.06521414486508402,0.03545827526316391,0.0,0.04639311570184301,0.0,0.08085485551239864,0.0,0.0,0.06441302121682686,0.04731112767200275,0.04662702073554758,0.0,0.11629356840772792,0.0,0.0826291556712253,0.0,0.0,0.08446556880290815,0.048798384900944416,0.14015112485379558,0.0,0.03347290069254661,0.11964047350676127,0.03220104020450848,0.06508250638929791,0.0,0.10942668227860268,0.07521400186395348,0.18303183496657555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181361324137319,0.0,0.0,0.057636776149799625,0.0,0.0,0.10449801025261396
bpd,listen2BurialDream,2019/05/24,"Connecting with each other Anybody else wondering how other people with BPD are living their lives? Wouldn't you like to be able to talk to each other and support each other?

I'm proposing that we do that. We should use this page as a way to meet each other, either through social media or even in person. Unless you all think this is a stupid idea, I think it would be cool if someone comments what state they are from, and if you are from that state......reply to that comment with your IG or Facebook handle maybe? 

​

As a psych major, it's cool to see how people with BPD carry on their lives, but as a BPD patient, it would be nice to be say, facebook or instagram friends with other people from Connecticut who have BPD. Just a thought! 

​

If you're down for this, comment below your state. If you're not, hey I tried lol",6.722147696476966,6.345877054878052,6.194715447154473,83.10529810298104,65.03658536585365,8.264498644986451,29.807588075880762,6.937597516519254,1.5941336043360432,663,19,128,4,9,204,94,164,0.040999999999999995,0.8740000000000001,0.085,0.7952,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,5,3,0,4,7,1,0,5,3,14,0,0,3,1,38,22,16,0,8,12,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,18,13,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,12,6,25,13,8,7,0,0,1,0,21,4,0,8,1,95,30,1,0.11825502402278334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562585382445172,0.28738559569014965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957522521733211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878689841778156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810632807735474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136353821573204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349552807072693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577734314455441,0.0,0.3132640582337743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880306618643027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459494318838201,0.10325572566778336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404114151203476,0.0,0.0,0.09423394361658524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054610478489425,0.10019709810244667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341943998756184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504890888881724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154608893042082,0.0,0.0938812798597254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028739884782428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213437226274133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386533375099633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282425291311142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680099523267865,0.0,0.28738559569014965,0.0
bpd,21blakey21,2019/05/24,"using sex to feel valid, how to cope without it for the last 10 or so years of my life (basically when i started going through puberty and such) i’ve used any indication of sex to believe said person likes me. basically i’ve slept around A lot. i’ve had more sexual partners than i can remember (not always pure sex limited on that actually) and i’ve always used my sexuality to identify if someone likes me, thinks i’m pretty etc. it always ends the same, them using me and then leaving me when it turns out i’m in need of more than just sex. but that’s how i’ve always known to get my validation, through sexual activities or sending nudes. 
so 
i’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months now, he’s wonderful. best most supportive person to me, my BPD and anything else in my life. it’s been 6 months and we havnt had sex. we’ve done other things before but not very often and it’s always mildly awkward after. it’s starting to mentally affect me heavily that we havnt had sex or do sexual things often. we’ve talked about it and i’ve addressed how it hurts me and makes me believe he doesn’t actually like or care for me but it’s an even harder topic for him because he is just as stressed and frustrated that his has such a low sex drive (the meds he’s on, anti depressants, stifles his sex drive like crazy) 

i just don’t know what to do anymore i don’t want to end such a perfect relationship over sex but i also don’t think i’ll feel okay until our intimate life becomes more sound. 

long story short. any advice on how to cope with not having sex from a SO when i’ve relies on sexual interaction to validate my worth to someone for the last 10 or so years",3.7251470588235303,4.937785926470589,5.3316470588235285,81.06041176470589,72.08823529411767,8.498823529411764,26.54117647058824,8.954980946260402,1.9891847058823533,1325,44,267,26,25,450,168,340,0.069,0.8029999999999999,0.128,0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,1,3,24,15,1,2,9,1,16,15,2,10,2,60,40,34,0,3,17,0,2,4,1,0,3,2,1,3,17,14,0,1,8,0,1,4,8,6,0,0,8,4,28,9,40,32,8,34,0,3,0,11,19,11,0,12,23,163,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.18977976603947885,0.0,0.0,0.0950194694630208,0.0,0.0,0.09736942288645158,0.0,0.0,0.07776088351477115,0.4045474153468821,0.0,0.0,0.13224982171972846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643358298666274,0.0,0.0,0.08001826983342374,0.08656209061753649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927514599937275,0.1073913033376686,0.0827420462739177,0.2191069820809593,0.1020448751422828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246736886872685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914022640102828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375061308665335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099507837675259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122954791219628,0.0,0.1722473258889029,0.0,0.10844564144122484,0.06422452592826007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833251699755484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080263915074019,0.0,0.05526237597530921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409487520301576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343924879829542,0.15852326449379994,0.0,0.10296059154128294,0.0,0.0,0.2060454039129715,0.19002154305162766,0.0,0.0,0.08605222709526761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266794082262519,0.0,0.0,0.06490686134734168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800906673898712,0.0,0.09799264278062116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522826905239967,0.0,0.0,0.07210045751007041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980826505693947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989256093755284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439680556974112,0.11015125952293284,0.0,0.09249523659285283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477822689715535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765056508869744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113853564861704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034409024712208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815590956134749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292006979589326,0.12461187150161385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057665998207794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359283070154617,0.0,0.08023121378636107,0.057353263140172465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373358843272832,0.10545004278180678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252356686657527
bpd,inkedmetalgirl666,2019/05/24,"A thing I've learned when it comes to emotional splitting Something I've been trying the past few days when I'm going through emotional splitting (the extremes) 

​

Literally I just tell myself hey, I'm a borderline. I'm splitting now, these aren't my real emotions. This is what I have fucking with me. After an hour or a few hours it goes away and back to my normal self. 

It sounds stupid simple, but it's working really well so far",6.5576744186046465,6.682112906976747,6.622651162790699,78.21653488372095,65.27906976744185,9.205581395348837,34.64186046511628,8.841846274778883,2.9165376744186053,354,15,65,5,5,113,64,86,0.027999999999999997,0.899,0.073,0.359,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,2,0,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,10,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,6,1,6,9,2,13,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,9,42,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931539363527173,0.2166158421057433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748920297037526,0.13707753728165809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356260019131093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496848892880684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6015844883272018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480643338479284,0.0,0.0,0.101314144524284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511172916612722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466536237772504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017753499912627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029086766238664,0.11420341977890668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597301211151945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372398654269155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558145999771975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843372597206198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103266672176673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028486626914573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978165236664418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166158421057433,0.0
bpd,affectionn,2019/05/24,"My boyfriend is away for 4 days and I’m scared that he’s going to cheat and leave me forever He left yesterday and is coming back on Sunday. He’s staying in an apartment with 4 other guys and one of the guy’s girlfriend. The girlfriend happens to be a nerdy, attention seeking redhead who used to flirt with every single guy in their old groupchat. She’s the reason why my boyfriend doesn’t see them anymore and even though her boyfriend is there, I am absolutely terrified that something bad is going to happen.        
My boyfriend keeps reassuring me that he loves me and that he’s not going to cheat or leave me, but he’s already snapped a few times and told me to fuck off. I keep finding loopholes in everything he says to me and I strongly believe that he doesn’t love me and won’t be coming back.       
I have nothing but dark thoughts running through my head and I can’t stop them. I feel like there’s another voice in my head telling me all these ugly things about myself and I can’t stop it. I try so hard to resist it, to focus on something else, but it’s almost obsessive at this point.      
I feel like I can’t enjoy anything, even though I knew this trip was coming up and I tried to prepare myself - made plans, bought myself a journal, made a happy playlist, downloaded some games and started reading a new book. But I can’t do any of those things, I feel like I’m paralysed and the only thing I can think about is him cheating and leaving.     
Sometimes I feel numb for a few minutes and that’s the only time when I can breathe properly, when it doesn’t hurt.         
I don’t know what to do. I’m not officially diagnosed, so I don’t even know if I’m posting in the right place.",4.000110619469027,5.034205740412979,4.503410766961653,87.93352323008854,71.24188790560473,7.183923303834809,29.464233038348087,7.333567415737692,1.5655790560471976,1322,52,275,13,24,419,173,339,0.134,0.772,0.09300000000000001,-0.8404,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,2,15,19,4,2,13,0,24,8,3,4,1,51,57,28,0,1,8,0,5,3,2,1,2,2,0,3,20,21,0,4,12,3,1,8,12,9,0,1,7,8,41,10,31,47,5,40,0,1,1,3,27,16,1,4,17,172,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918474849109176,0.0,0.10121877638896658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623748870271083,0.09617971981085932,0.0,0.0,0.09096471762600593,0.0,0.0,0.07548033677568156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617691836065043,0.14105888057142268,0.07658499861082133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334057979385336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703411489055504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915384340456591,0.0,0.0,0.09309706605446053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766229218066386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174682568425185,0.0,0.07728070949810126,0.0,0.08243485248895496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551192157558044,0.19658110913574284,0.0,0.0,0.08383329700025444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479657376853926,0.0,0.0,0.1563851389810361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724610162962647,0.1622209564853817,0.09764099830024613,0.08216592575034963,0.0,0.18826882717226132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819152867592053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630554995205022,0.0,0.0,0.1008172884700371,0.0,0.0,0.2913647148459061,0.0996574703840214,0.0,0.0,0.13443389329114638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556744719207153,0.17358132378856614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858678941596394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801083579758676,0.0,0.0962480159771721,0.0,0.06215397996109285,0.1395191768998673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958311690214014,0.0,0.08670802388382015,0.0,0.08784542266583527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174797115498806,0.0,0.0,0.09430667422496407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833106856435693,0.0,0.07294193003418208,0.09183087395045383,0.0,0.07309147476954415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122592345028764,0.09071654027768256,0.0,0.06492211736073977,0.0977646732861788,0.0,0.15336932025933675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017007558396091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828103546957699,0.05877249062476589,0.18023505749352295,0.07281793518181838,0.1069690122623422,0.0,0.0,0.08764540012151145,0.0,0.1245479953821066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921935140186062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276587586190509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Orgenegro,2019/05/24,"Disability Anyone here on disability, in the United States?  Things get worse all the time and I don't know how to handle it.  I keep trying to do better and I feel like I should be employable.  But I barely function.  And mainly due to anxiety.  I'm trying to work within the requirements of the system,  but here in the Washington DC area they keep telling me I am too disabled to claim unemployment, even though I work all the time, even for short periods.  They won't help me with disability claims, just tell me I cannot get unemployment.  I don't even know how to claim disability, I just know it takes years, and I won't last that long.  I feel as if I'm being encouraged just to kill myself.  But I have a daughter and that seems a bad decision. So, does anyone else have experiences within this?  Holy shit, life sucks.  I don't care about my life, except that it seems death would damage other people.",3.410473484848485,5.363998039772729,4.540545454545455,83.40748484848488,74.2840909090909,7.875151515151515,21.96060606060606,8.648137234880735,1.3327792424242415,709,18,141,14,15,232,101,176,0.245,0.7090000000000001,0.046,-0.9918,5,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,4,14,9,3,0,8,0,14,3,1,2,2,31,30,14,2,3,8,1,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,3,8,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,2,21,4,18,24,3,16,0,1,0,0,7,7,2,3,8,95,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160236391284205,0.0,0.0,0.2120959906632623,0.15539915643476382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663429931360345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413574822712582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463301426248033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272344019714838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669700581510066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005207591626805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483578932442565,0.0,0.0,0.15337319729169765,0.10834981378097344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584778552469912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165814102614347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696144062877976,0.16779532763311256,0.0,0.2500540624602812,0.12362756829023368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425155754040498,0.0740960683759748,0.0,0.0,0.13421913327003152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514571297980978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761410233594408,0.0,0.0,0.15568238481340418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403352866407555,0.0,0.2651245421857073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075977277573987,0.0,0.14901051531921244,0.0,0.1768746642530583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594174332071372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082847931353414,0.0,0.15456003071642513,0.10773877026141213,0.0,0.0,0.09766756463026262
bpd,Lightpredator,2019/05/24,"My boyfriend broke up with me because he can't deal with my illness. He told me last night that he can't take it anymore and he didn't think he could ever love someone like me. That i had been very sweet and lovely with him but he didn't want that responsibility.
I can't blame him, I can't even understand me, I am an huracane of emotions and I attach too much to people. 

I don't know what to do. I try with all my forces not to fall in this patterns, but my mind always end in the same fucking hole.",1.6655555555555566,3.075270740740745,3.184444444444445,93.605,77.7037037037037,5.911111111111111,22.185185185185183,6.42735559955562,0.1740851851851848,392,11,93,3,9,129,68,108,0.05,0.838,0.113,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,12,4,0,0,2,19,21,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,5,1,17,4,11,15,3,8,0,1,0,3,12,3,1,0,5,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390276732353664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918818538198684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347291191249398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646305197489529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22785748159239885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486129142282333,0.19575430897195847,0.0,0.0,0.14597878518296525,0.1999213537386216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432545294487048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146444847844028,0.18015729380308496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797710692428546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989505959614281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231628521724571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624719696493834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740826212568145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322445767895018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726588510687195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617630040822615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161793612537266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118997245389207,0.0,0.15005515222400564,0.0,0.0,0.23008513789318605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236109886385665,0.13036078598436654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwawaysawayohhek,2019/05/24,"Need advice for UK services So sorry for this being so long but I've got a lot to ask and get off my chest. For about a year I've known of BPD and from the start I've felt the symptoms explained really well the problems I'd had through childhood and teen years. I've never been good at identifying my feelings (some types of thought feel hard to reach, like theres a push back and everything gets more jumbled when i try) so it felt really validating. But I can't help worrying that I've always just wanted to feel special and now I'm assuming I have symptoms of a real disorder as an excuse for being a pathetic lazy person. As a result, I've avoided seeing a GP until now because I didn't know what I'd do if they didn't then validate me. But i got a couple counseling sessions from uni last summer (they can't diagnose). They helped me to realise how hurtful my parents attitudes had been (growing up lots of ""you're selfish/ungreatful"" ""you're lazy"" ""you're manipulative/spoiled"", "" why can't you be more like X"" ""or else"" ""don't say you're afraid of me or I'll...!"" recently I get "" you're naïve "") and that I drag myself down with self hate and that with my mam being suicidal for most of my childhood I felt like my needs weren't being met and I always had to prove my love to her or she'd die. For about a day after the sessions I was floating on a warm pillow of self love that helped motivate me. But it dissolved away, my GF broke up with me and I couldn't stand being around my parents back home for the summer (they pressured me to get a summer job, I didn't feel like I could handle it but couldn't refuse or I'm just taking their money). So I very suddenly moved back down to uni and isolated myself. This year has been a shit show. Impulsive drug taking has gone up, I go through patches of day drinking and feeling nothing and boredom to feeling so sad and isolated (life feels like a realistic film) to having narcissistic waves of mania, mainly when on a substance. I regularly can't stand to look at my reflection when I'm alone (looks like someone else scary looking back) and I do stupid shit like taking drinks from strangers in clubs fully aware that I'm probably being spiked or going to random music venues in areas of the city that I don't know with my weedguy. I haven't been able to keep up with uni, putting all work off until it was late and I'd have to take a 10% hit to any grade I got on them. I don't care. With about a day left to finish my dissertation I had nothing started and broke down. My mam picked me up the next day, that was last Monday and I now can't graduate with honors (as if I give a shit). Since then I've been having mood swings out the wazoo, apprehensive about doing anything and getting these sessions where my hate and distrust for my parents (who are loving and hurtful but not malicious) gets overwhelming. But its more like, I get angry at the world and everything is bad and then I feed my relationships through this hate machine and the only things I can remember about my family are the negatives (delusions as a child that my parents were plotting to murder me/read my thoughts, strangers were plotting to murder me, etc). Then I snap out of it, like when you splash a bath it gets crazy but quickly settles down and goes flat. After these episodes I can't remember what it felt like, I just know it was bad. For the past year having suspected BPD, I often check in on this sub but dont post and almost self medicate with the advice here and online which often helps (trying to remind myself that the average me doesn't agree with the extreme views and given some time I'll go back to baseline). I don't have a sense of identity past my name, body and memories which is maybe all we have but I feel so hollow most of the time. The part that resonated the most with me though is splitting which I think I've observed happening over and over during my life (I never knew why I suddenly hated people or stopped and started loving partners) and even this year I've gone from idolising a uni colleague for her prowess to hating her for her judmentality just because she rightly pointed out that I have been underperforming as a group. However she did confront me in front of the whole group which was the trigger that made me no longer trust her, now she's an outsider, probably working against me and I can only remember the events previous to the trigger that support this, not all the impressive and likeable memories of her. Anyway, I finally decided enough was enough and got an appointment at my GP, thinking that I could get some kind of mental health referral to a professional who could diagnose me (or worst case say I'm faking it but at least give some closure).  I told her everything here and more, including the fact I was sexually experimenting as a child with other children (when I was~4-6 yr old) which up until recently I thought was all consensual until I remembered a very old fuzzy memory of dodgy stuff with some older relatives of the kids my age. I told her how my suicidal thoughts have gone from intrusive at Christmas, to a consideration of a way out, to being afraid of the platform edge, to now knowing how I'd do it. I thought it was going well and she tried to reasure me that my delusions of her invalidating me would be unfounded, until we got to the end and she asked if I'd tried church, I was taken aback and said no, that its not my thing. She said ""that's a shame, not many young people in this area are willing to give it a go but it can be a good place to talk and find God"". Then she asked what I hoped to get out of this. I said I didn't understand the mental health service but I hoped I could get a diagnosis as I didn't feel general talking therapy worked and I'd like to have a target/explanation of why I feel these things. I was told she can't diagnose as a non specialist and when I asked if I could then see a specialist she just said no. So I asked what was wrong, to which I got "" well something deep is obviously wrong and it looks like you've got some depression in there too"". Then she gave me a number to a public over the phone therapy service (Talking Change) and a website with general mental health self help leaflets. She also said back to me that I was clearly coping, a low suicide risk and that my family relationships were obvious still functional. I didn't know what to say so I just quietly left and got so angry on my bike ride home I didn't even feel going uphill. I feel let down, I'm no further in regards to improving and I have no more resources than what I was already using falsely to self medicate. In fact, I've now exhausted my last hope. I don't know where to go next and I feel so alone despite once again having a support network that claims to love me, so I'm posting here to ask for advice in the UK, what the process is, what I should think. I dunno. Please just help.",5.36377607729138,5.715698335029073,5.987946648426813,80.9649876880985,67.82994186046511,9.236922024623803,30.65044459644323,9.168548406835145,2.443518871409028,5463,199,1094,95,85,1780,496,1376,0.174,0.73,0.096,-0.9991,7,3,4,0,0,1,136.0,2,2,6,5,67,71,13,8,73,0,102,27,5,10,12,210,230,113,6,20,35,4,19,12,2,3,14,9,4,13,68,68,3,4,47,7,2,16,37,36,3,0,70,35,153,34,162,137,28,158,1,8,7,5,97,57,3,31,92,735,221,15,0.035347375445630914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036231385709621,0.0,0.0,0.035395290590994964,0.0732184415020053,0.03900670777242536,0.02826728337321604,0.058823695979947084,0.0,0.0,0.024037427416181197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029087878200177494,0.031466658225393115,0.19827014698033987,0.0,0.033210022795617085,0.16307969912649653,0.05902716407248618,0.04309486397835854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039262965624710176,0.08903756396046822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03603900504590233,0.0,0.03739283632675308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111001525609368,0.0391111986127646,0.0,0.09118453178808564,0.0,0.03044464267630528,0.10763052606272268,0.03668499508169134,0.0,0.04051115461368635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04142686076876383,0.0692539421006829,0.04099173346794778,0.0,0.059056393017348274,0.0,0.03130728298795255,0.07304657556877922,0.03942166727860003,0.046693216225603525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095303825515821,0.03457651581539725,0.06664471946857425,0.0,0.2323450362364069,0.05050434416219658,0.1357560945459838,0.03872132203462667,0.0323068607856074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314299237344288,0.10172527024559733,0.14062109632437195,0.05929540295785241,0.2261642015045613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03125756737007132,0.0,0.031664305467182616,0.17449107631409422,0.0,0.11271782154273488,0.0,0.0,0.14215560402306046,0.0,0.07091259924159697,0.1053237584152157,0.0,0.0,0.07568019297271138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507681594028233,0.03141837140987399,0.0,0.03680885212594137,0.11655595878714008,0.08643848621863309,0.039873379125974905,0.0,0.07681005369340539,0.03614508625111449,0.04993379324666369,0.2072273061340333,0.0,0.0,0.03128131495234629,0.11873157164135585,0.0,0.0,0.06010214913953521,0.15951193196679433,0.033446541310439136,0.0,0.03583669071191522,0.03551118964531118,0.0,0.0,0.07121752405794153,0.10686552197329302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03756866611518176,0.0,0.052419262015934685,0.05452415008049102,0.0,0.07518466958731969,0.0,0.0,0.06783352012814091,0.0,0.07418224892326443,0.037643801236059767,0.0,0.053766543680285696,0.0,0.0,0.15699630941006046,0.0382777630310269,0.06748613900350986,0.04901083896873629,0.030863964827295805,0.036930484035323466,0.038800803621673235,0.03341469507755609,0.0,0.0677060295197353,0.0,0.07622089837338314,0.03382266453414184,0.0,0.03553387533346744,0.0,0.0,0.03535694094742721,0.04023305178244233,0.04528886766349655,0.0,0.06980253782682594,0.07589970568525878,0.16016674328346295,0.030186465495790613,0.16811724258162372,0.08432895508239464,0.0,0.0,0.056334563580082785,0.0,0.18437510782965366,0.0,0.10885071881851807,0.029239714238325026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029949716508514176,0.0272121365345648,0.0,0.03956849287913234,0.0750571628170816,0.0,0.02822845969094712,0.029551988623247108,0.0,0.0,0.040464288099765267,0.11599287487899998,0.08022356554070344,0.0,0.07347891471268632,0.10630730919985228,0.08523264434524049,0.0,0.0,0.08084560875279027,0.0,0.07044967680688763,0.06794751276328657,0.03472861690690466,0.14030933881839633,0.04122267775682175,0.0,0.0,0.10132779605039036,0.0,0.09599419065968452,0.0,0.0,0.0367978644310503,0.0,0.03052878329786142,0.0,0.05833057323854458,0.020848797856751724,0.028057101343843812,0.0,0.0,0.09534460672427264,0.0,0.09568652522140396,0.03946408235749607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719993092888709,0.03589697556747348,0.0,0.02510976135082981,0.07729361225167672,0.0,0.11381275438879775
bpd,natisnotcool,2019/05/24,"Psychiatrist just diagnosed me. Everything makes sense now. Saw the psychiatrist on Wednesday for what I thought was just a review of my meds. She then starts asking questions that lead to the diagnosis of BPD and I feel like im a jigsaw and that all the pieces are finally coming together. 

Things I never thought of as being part of my mental health issues all just make sense now. It feels good being able to blame my impulsivity on something real rather than just thinking I have no self control.",4.951847826086954,7.382692880434785,5.312391304347828,77.45815217391308,71.28260869565217,8.078260869565218,27.80434782608696,8.841846274778883,2.392582608695652,403,15,69,8,8,128,67,92,0.051,0.89,0.059000000000000004,0.2023,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,4,3,22,16,4,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,9,2,11,10,4,11,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,8,51,14,2,0.1880977298629923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584598609481522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690250608924845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202953896572986,0.0,0.0,0.2109675983159573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091523638482888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905011098922046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902157278462851,0.13437705579782525,0.0,0.20605186892050845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776745157273053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999390909979709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031778259845327,0.1963251606525291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189504962772983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511133905727139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893417427996167,0.0,0.18955827064368114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450725651275634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369151145165654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107125056343175,0.0,0.0,0.2140963964178287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622695483768332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480682207216342,0.0,0.0,0.13313654133072844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496377368799334,0.12052543024275805,0.0,0.2986571735818075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SethRogen-Not,2019/05/24,"DAE else go into panic mode when rejected for sex by their SO? I'm a 40 y/o married man.  Most of the time when I initiate sex with the wife, we do have sex, and it is very satisfying.  But on the rare-ish occasion that, for whatever reason, she's not feeling it, internally I get absolutely despondent.  That sense of rejection and abandonment just wrecks me for *days*.  The black and white thinking really sets in then and it's just an awful feeling.

Rationally I get it, sometimes people just don't feel like having sex, and that is *totally OK,* but no matter how much I may understand that from an intellectual standpoint, I am still an irrational fucking mess on the inside and I just can't seem to control it.  Anyone else?  How can I cope with this better?",2.566326530612244,5.019481687074833,4.5272380952380935,80.05942857142857,79.06802721088434,8.273741496598639,25.44625850340136,9.029198982220553,2.3853287074829934,596,23,113,16,15,203,101,147,0.174,0.747,0.079,-0.8655,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,2,10,9,1,1,9,2,10,5,0,4,1,32,21,14,0,0,7,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,2,7,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,5,11,3,14,20,3,12,0,3,2,5,5,4,1,3,7,78,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283538198117327,0.22395981516658736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331518953766094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245154714841475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096524601966112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365189086678495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33156003261230965,0.15615274126605558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020725821846402,0.22839680718609995,0.0,0.12422337147512702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678656280235653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068057095428848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25645513108331675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153502106945355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002717888541782,0.22473541478104486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898593393412276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161800262214063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745573152401878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005647179078928,0.0,0.0,0.12745505838828827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275482435804497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803504047407672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FreedomX10A,2019/05/24,"I think the real problem is not BPD. It is the world. No matter what, BPD is a malfunction in a series of parts in the brain. The problem is most of the people do not understand or do not even know the existence of BPD. They just against BPD people in people hate Gay people in the old day. In the old day, people use gay people as a group of people to be a laugh. At that day, people feel gay people as a disgusting people. 

In the same way, BPD is a group of people to laugh at. People think BPD people are disgusting people. People think BPD harm other people, so they should take responsibility for it. In fact, most of BPD never harm people.",2.6894503171247344,4.4663697984496125,4.351078224101482,84.75507399577168,75.82170542635659,6.551374207188162,18.704016913319236,7.348242739294969,0.3811488372093024,500,9,99,6,11,168,57,129,0.174,0.769,0.057,-0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,3,9,3,0,15,0,10,4,1,1,2,22,19,4,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,1,3,2,21,17,4,17,0,0,0,3,4,10,0,3,6,67,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.618678040110841,0.0685459009905043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879929851880695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040556011159731016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031047131910104792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060622613821041525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03374540705916932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047357672439079485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288639489149677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649331573799942,0.0,0.7236732223268194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750849234037873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988989960319132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616731044440342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803342363864755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392254469297506,0.0,0.05303235785425165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873873368297522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cerrcrow,2019/05/24,"Do I have BPD? I know I know I should go to the professional, but Its not available for me now, I just want to talk out my problems here because my brain is making me confused.

So hey. I have a few mental illnesses BDD, Social Anxiety and OCD. BDD really changes the way I look at my body, but it doesnt change my personality and what Iam suffering from lately is all kinds of personality changes.
I even could name my personalities, they are like 3 - 4 different people:

(now comes a little stupid sounding part):
• first of my personalities is a boyish girl (iam a girl) she likes to listen to rap and workout a lot. And also dress more boyish.
• second of my personalities is a girlier one. She doesnt wear makeuo but it affects the way she looks at her body (might be BDD) also works out but mainly for weightloss and likes EDM music + girlier clothes.
• kinda a new personality is an “artist”. She likes to listen to weird experimental music, sees a world in more artistic way, tries to recreate her imagination using arts. Most likely to experiment with drugs (literally did xans and alcohol for 3 months cuz I was stuck in that personality, but did some nice art stuff idk)
•finally a really similar personality to previous one is a bit more logical one. Likes to learn and improve herself (listens to same experimental music)

Now lets talk about relationships. Oh boy.
Every personality wants a different kind of person and has different ideals. I used to have friends (even tho not real ones) and relationships, but I pushed them all away from me just because my personalities changed.
So the only thing that doesnt really change is my sexuality (iam a lesbian) EVEN THO a girlier personality was kinda questioning that and I was even more confused.
Relationships are really bad because for example if my boyish personality was “on” and I’d find a gf for her ideals and then all of a sudden I’d change to an artistic personality I’d just stop loving that person because we are too different and block them...

Anyways. Sorry for the long post.",3.9288386264248345,6.5928006737400535,5.629937629937628,72.84681912681914,75.41909814323607,8.42580830167037,27.43056849953402,9.142720283898788,2.714547551795828,1622,65,283,41,37,551,191,377,0.10800000000000001,0.7879999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.0606,4,0,2,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,3,4,21,20,1,2,22,0,29,9,4,7,3,67,46,28,0,8,12,0,0,6,2,2,3,4,0,18,10,18,1,2,7,7,0,3,5,7,0,6,7,7,37,13,36,34,15,28,0,1,3,2,45,10,0,10,17,197,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780748494587245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651408818164845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04137993657609547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082085184345908,0.0,0.045164238195935104,0.1318949830860834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905403277056352,0.12016717791663566,0.06812649413680398,0.06038413028003911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433305312671024,0.046595135773613565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318775222222748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260568948376755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272909916990703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290800331574433,0.0,0.04557451766056353,0.0,0.0,0.052911977758390204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925471904717685,0.04943875514982474,0.04601029914823947,0.0,0.0,0.04179104671692231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030741510719506794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265618406423622,0.059454672759968935,0.0,0.061017696540897275,0.0,0.0,0.05531234002884719,0.0,0.15855858166328546,0.054214007501837136,0.0,0.04786937613519431,0.0908466647051314,0.0,0.0,0.04598675580097632,0.048819793419824106,0.0,0.03610657230464258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451162432500552,0.05738265431805956,0.0,0.0,0.04317541014864162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224201776809082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661550991483766,0.041139109830290274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058575946661367125,0.0,0.037500314306958236,0.7084606626632941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180481381038747,0.0,0.0,0.05175836926759028,0.0,0.0,0.0605949870122505,0.0,0.0,0.061568098776359964,0.13860989182990505,0.0,0.0,0.17422245031257938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310401301120388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055139588450626234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055113321225241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522301128019212,0.0,0.0,0.061921956607046164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695358059329347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03593606473821236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03672465516940592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343557410303513,0.0,0.0,0.06380927068391183,0.12880621606263262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937933914516949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,XiJinPooh,2019/05/24,"Help with my wife Hi all, I believe my wife has BPD but I don’t know how to convince her to seek help.  I’ve been going to therapy for a year just to cope with her emotional and physical abuse.  She is like a powder keg and I’m at the end of my ropes.  I can’t be her caregiver anymore.  How do I approach her without making her go crazy?",-0.31999999999999673,1.5800496351351363,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,86.43243243243244,5.8621621621621625,21.41216216216216,7.1686216300943375,0.5552486486486479,259,9,62,4,8,90,52,74,0.113,0.722,0.165,0.2846,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,3,1,12,12,5,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,13,2,10,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,3,40,13,0,0.0,0.3164369456089937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648639086643142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008989705258129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363681509883499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004203355767517,0.23654674325551356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035666299969723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580258005793222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677592467718292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047801156065936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827280147795896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305420394742352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574481195918876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198577341872628
bpd,PlzSavePolarBears,2019/05/24,"uBPD mom just lost her own mother. I'm unfortunately unable to go home right now. She's not doing well. How can I console someone with BPD? So I'm military and stationed overseas. I may be able to take leave and go home eventually, but probably won't be able to within the next month. I've been texting/calling my mother to see if she's okay and she's not. Not suicidal or anything, but clearly having a hard time with it. She says she's inconsolable and that no one else understands her or cares that she's upset. I keep asking if she needs anything and she gives a very vague answer. It's clear to me that she needs/wants something but I can't figure out what. Probably understanding. But while I'm overseas, is there anything I can do to help? She doesn't like flowers.",1.306624787775892,3.8641649935483926,2.817385398981326,89.39344651952463,86.16129032258064,5.5857385398981325,22.35144312393888,7.0608816371341465,0.8585483870967736,614,22,123,9,19,200,96,155,0.14400000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.107,-0.1892,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,3,1,13,0,0,1,2,30,28,16,1,3,12,3,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,6,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,2,1,1,2,3,19,4,10,22,1,10,0,1,1,0,19,3,0,5,6,77,25,0,0.2964922132585075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659817431069209,0.0,0.13859009794496804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671078169856156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114678579360905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384059956382233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221117381038326,0.16850335746054562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327993930369568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936624037977634,0.0,0.29740586439570343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317679510692323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697122187237764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242555949896821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182813747583305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736240483758131,0.11832862796111393,0.0,0.0,0.1099226096459952,0.0,0.0,0.15766141621562285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045539849137748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196687529182518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660136505841754,0.0,0.11789125415461325,0.0,0.0,0.11813295349538736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560844507016738,0.11412709553267655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621571793356571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114626227295916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644349693912738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086588503616092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231856355739155,0.08743939461411422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329105350137924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mayarudolphofficial,2019/05/24,"I’m making progress but I’m so overwhelmed it’s meta af I’m in group and individual therapy, I have a stable place of employment, and I’m recovering a relationship I single handed my destroyed 3.5 weeks ago. Things are on the up and up but

Holy. Hell. 

I just cried for 2 straight hours because of how overwhelming therapy is. I know it’s the right thing and I don’t intend to quit or anything, but my god the skills I don’t have. The regulation & impulse control I just don’t. Have. The distress tolerance. The mindfulness. The this. The that. All these words we throw around every week. All the crying other people do. All the shit I regurgitate to my partner to inform him on what’s going on in my life. 

Even weed has stopped being enjoyable because of therapy. Which is like, whoa. (But also important for PLEASE MASTER, or, avoiding mind altering drugs). 

Agh anyway. Even now. I’m overly aware / identifying this extreme overwhelming feeling. Good night fellow pwBPD",1.5820146520146494,4.2630782637362685,3.1144615384615406,83.53887179487181,96.03296703296705,6.162930402930403,23.649084249084247,7.42949916751922,1.7836873260073265,772,32,136,17,30,252,117,182,0.13699999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.188,0.7632,1,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,5,10,11,3,5,12,0,12,4,2,4,3,29,21,13,0,0,8,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,11,6,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,0,2,14,3,17,20,4,21,1,3,0,0,7,12,2,2,8,89,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282304110982181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568278999099076,0.0,0.15673666531308844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904104333927762,0.12877611078309592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763641038113515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224602263356444,0.0,0.0,0.3177996002718155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775712159989425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191090224529626,0.0,0.12188043511244025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314332990412102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221236109207143,0.12133209897177318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245879340573087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950014347297388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217608182116132,0.07067249388450493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656020444768453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921262803691481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357515454359356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028750405273787,0.0,0.15113661162685338,0.15879082392122434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386137604112254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553083399851106,0.0,0.12353697037008672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848915239095098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094039772348646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962864023168488,0.0,0.19220842836531676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320715222583829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sarbearz90,2019/05/24,"Lying to therapist. Not intentional,  but I can’t help but lie to every therapist I’ve had. About big stuff and small stuff. I mean I lie to most people for no reason, but I feel like I should at least be able to be honest with one person. It’s like as soon as I get to the appointment and someone else takes over. I’m just watching as someone else talks for me and tells lies. I want to get better, but I can’t when the other me(s) take over. I’ll rehearse over and over again in the car on the way there what I want to say. As soon as I get there, I get pushed to the back and someone else takes over. 

I’m really sick of watching myself talk and try to be normal, I’m tired of feeling like an outsider in my own body.",2.51068035190616,3.1910481032258065,3.9131964809384208,92.10434017595308,74.41935483870971,6.926686217008798,21.83284457478005,6.980632752743323,0.32454838709677425,556,12,132,5,11,184,86,155,0.107,0.735,0.158,0.7517,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,6,0,7,3,1,2,0,23,22,16,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,5,14,5,29,17,3,19,0,0,2,0,6,11,0,1,8,85,19,0,0.1337376107389196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283596752817904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182800486269156,0.0,0.14855233654475214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351618388109353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267970510339385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524350871037172,0.19108435166784465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27948952717904496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896415014104532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601232377815664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456794646187346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310344633407474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062406619326216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271682015077164,0.11677452319710464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856757379865921,0.13750453780722435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635351589423438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339946330752408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30619513570605433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30166211827395656,0.21498645124257248,0.11689256650962113,0.0,0.0,0.3105593477866657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371170994708866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079905892439714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776381567165693,0.10615469043117322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheDoctorWhoMan,2019/05/24,"Get better at reassuring? So I've been dating my BPDSO for 3 years and when she has an tantrum or explodes she always feels really bad and thinks I'm upset or I'll leave because she's too much. I always tell her that I'm here for her, through her best times and especially during her worst. She is starting to understand that what I'm saying is true, since after a freak out she apologizes and thanks me for staying. However, every now and then she'll say that I can leave if I'm too much or asks if I plan on leaving. I'm not tired of reassuring her, but it's a little disheartening that she still feels that way at times. I love this woman to bits and I'm with her through and through. I just wanted to know if there are any extra things I can do to help reassure her that I'm here to stay.",4.5754491017964085,4.468141664670661,5.5493473053892215,85.02102694610781,69.47904191616766,8.83568862275449,26.879640718562875,8.548686976883017,1.5390364071856286,626,17,140,9,10,207,98,167,0.095,0.742,0.16399999999999998,0.9155,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,1,1,3,0,9,2,0,0,1,25,27,17,0,4,9,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,22,8,18,25,6,18,0,1,0,1,25,5,0,6,10,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25676593021428884,0.0,0.0,0.10492357387026884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424181127189956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288270350791123,0.09405472278241084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191950742685138,0.13645837530498034,0.1684464579761505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299973213297654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602893035134136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061098899677588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341840221044668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479462423385925,0.0,0.0,0.49011755593301504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464070966765536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925418629150596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22684414719752005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884314509864957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453977345355456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763159982607852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092083833956026,0.3289086171807254,0.12321746517820745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485765263290975,0.14205096876138,0.0,0.0,0.10250447826775486,0.09886382253369497,0.0,0.0,0.1799373368814241,0.17733548851413822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062298930959526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100517888851198,0.1224694845445363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993587270029826
bpd,jewlique,2019/05/24,"DAE feel like they're making the wrong face a lot of the time? The faces don't accurately depict your emotions, and then when you try to change them, it doesn't work because then it's just forced and overexaggerated.",8.695,7.2896570714285716,7.4904761904761905,78.76285714285717,61.61904761904761,10.304761904761904,30.523809523809533,8.841846274778883,1.9900095238095243,175,4,36,2,2,53,36,42,0.14300000000000002,0.7979999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,2,2,2,1,0,6,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325542107781374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874314778492084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119687058885566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851810494752952,0.2616406592639975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892549605991678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113626398859697,0.0,0.0,0.24446685734174964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355645269412946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486517125046987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666257877870255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004240031605418,0.0,0.0
bpd,alostsoldier1,2019/05/24,"Stop trying to lose weight, you’ll never be skinny enough. I always thought if I reached a certain weight I’d magically feel happy, but slowly I’m realizing it was a lie. It was all a delusion in my head.
I know this because around the same time last year I weighed 35kg, was extremely underweight and visibly sick. I’d spent most of my days overdosing on anxiety medications and sleeping since it was a side effect and the rest of my time was spent smoking so I’d lose the 10% if appetite I had left.
And let me just tell you, I felt awful. I felt so bad and self harmed everyday. I hated every inch of my body and deprived myself so much to the point where even water scared me and I couldn’t take my meds since I’d ‘gain weight’. 
I just wanna say this to anyone who thinks reaching a certain weight will make them happy, you’re sooooo wrong...
So wrong because what you lack is deeper than just a number on the scale, you lack something much deeper and that’s self love. At some point of your life someone or some event made you believe that you’re not good enough and so you resorted to this, you resorted to depriving yourself or overeating and purging. Well, nothings ever going to make you feel better as long as you try to fill the void in yourself through your food intake.
You need to address your issues head on and face your fears, don’t let this disease take of a hold of your life like it did to mine. Don’t lose yourself because of other people’s opinions. Just try to understand what caused your self hate and maybe someday you could solve that issue instead of trying to fill this hole in yourself with crap that’s only gonna make it bigger at the end.",5.667439759036148,5.8831025512048205,5.669542168674699,83.9811807228916,67.16265060240964,8.206265060240964,29.551807228915663,7.734863291789972,1.737809156626506,1325,43,264,13,20,416,179,332,0.19699999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.091,-0.9926,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,17,1,6,15,23,3,2,14,1,17,19,7,6,5,57,40,24,0,8,10,0,8,1,0,3,4,1,1,3,18,14,8,2,10,0,2,3,5,14,1,0,13,9,37,9,35,19,12,32,0,5,0,1,25,17,1,8,13,165,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940639769662525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381080827762198,0.0,0.0,0.0583243927631232,0.0,0.0,0.07425536116329504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964647080175886,0.15254359071471318,0.0,0.0,0.093978021855477,0.0,0.07377212590119367,0.0,0.09265317187231976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568825115854384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066598588712821,0.0,0.0,0.053794561627187744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387926575043406,0.17237610081595695,0.0,0.05509357889027476,0.0754519422821898,0.07027915094638658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386294991793458,0.08435235923322347,0.0,0.1601793517192676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086347547017722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740559819562695,0.06996296731639091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758963401513467,0.0,0.16470637331318674,0.17121185104626413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412325116738106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04584166915914002,0.06799282557639008,0.0,0.0,0.09062859864434566,0.17059113266047654,0.11783430656109947,0.04075143693804999,0.0,0.0,0.07381798609852973,0.0,0.2799538341665936,0.0,0.0,0.07528359721713848,0.07892751072834009,0.16703671538911602,0.0,0.08379969024873794,0.0,0.09265317187231976,0.08402994261733422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226364812683915,0.0618497713520387,0.0643333401873815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003713804009799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634394362897399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782815452583926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770471928557048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663334607625335,0.08351108438078082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610542267948383,0.0,0.0,0.1380003892072807,0.0,0.08347335968216002,0.0,0.07067566565690618,0.06421549476036745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973710308207935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543257028423282,0.0,0.07290674322143538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344775904541217,0.0,0.06622069972549803,0.09727772180398693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265281316482734,0.0,0.0,0.08683599935504342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062988327974258,0.07499841214543998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239830401603568,0.0,0.05371531429613058
bpd,lcharbs,2019/05/24,"How do I explain BPD to my BF? I just got diagnosed and have experienced extreme emotions since finding out. My boyfriend has no idea how to handle me and I can’t figure out how to get him to understand instead of yelling at me (out of frustration) when I have an emotional episode. He says things like “why can’t you just be happy?” And “why are you crying every night?” And I just don’t know what to say. Before I found out I was BPD I was not this emotional, at least not every night, so I can understand why he is frustrated and confused. I am too! I feel like he thinks I’m faking it and just trying to be more “borderline-y” if that makes sense.",1.9600877192982475,3.81120760902256,3.549041353383462,89.35834899749375,78.17293233082707,7.140100250626568,24.6171679197995,8.07648339933343,1.3629453634085211,504,18,109,9,12,167,81,133,0.11,0.8009999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.5764,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,11,7,2,1,1,0,15,1,0,4,0,32,26,12,0,1,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,5,10,0,0,10,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,5,18,3,14,20,2,9,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,5,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190696735041086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524725404501674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537059532802837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202546754371134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722054625526824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579322880394224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075254493329372,0.09996564202117347,0.0,0.0,0.12789300143171894,0.0,0.0,0.15342544241942424,0.0,0.0,0.07310737320660739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191438073624417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895752382695795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796334045292562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690157777405165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672494281203448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340400844353557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26262865884860265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225550633482941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575110437876758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296292281402296,0.08966115489405194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950029255778473,0.0,0.0,0.291343028318066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787937487442004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nobiagari,2019/05/24,how do i distract myself from thinking about my fp my fp is taking a break from talking and i want to be understanding and give her the space she needs cause i love her but i don’t know how to distract myself until she comes back what do i do,2.4607692307692304,3.6334704615384577,3.77615384615385,91.14384615384618,75.15384615384616,5.9692307692307685,22.615384615384606,5.985473137389443,0.21379230769230784,192,5,43,1,4,63,35,52,0.09,0.8340000000000001,0.076,-0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,6,1,0,3,0,12,15,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,13,1,6,14,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,2,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713724652014757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625444125863102,0.0,0.3040079520179762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33855148749595465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395472299377506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185226348005637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616845217430567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653507155184485,0.2836624415607656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22613586046144366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674005006738945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816041608534105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,innercompassNorth,2019/05/24,"Please help! I’m not sure this is the right place to pose such a question as I am in an extra-marital affair with a woman whom I love deeply but one who has BPD. It has affected our relationship to a point of exhaustion and I must try to leave this in one piece. I also want to make sure her emotional-well being is preserved as she is not in a particularly good place at this time. 

This is affecting my life in ways I never imagined and I am feeling despondent about the way it has unfolded. 

I don’t know what to do.",5.276111111111111,4.659342537037041,6.617037037037036,79.68166666666667,68.07407407407408,10.533333333333337,30.037037037037038,10.125756701596842,2.6135814814814817,406,13,89,9,6,139,73,108,0.168,0.746,0.086,-0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,7,0,13,3,0,3,4,18,19,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,1,11,4,15,17,1,13,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,2,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566173431553436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466601852819996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902522233437117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426566978459128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127091558334025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763140526067426,0.0,0.0,0.20737179887925475,0.0,0.0,0.13833126319048444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767579477402957,0.0,0.1307281979999869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104789892015305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654195647304836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092331204726689,0.21497922864694852,0.18513702559586875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939145574684124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102644618117281,0.0,0.1672507386995956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36916358414743977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419891651384692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329660415272937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551457864540372,0.31090562266600275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daddyyankeestan,2019/05/24,"Lamictal and anxiety I was put on 150mg of lamictal 2 months ago and it has helped with mood stabilizing but one of the worst side effects I’m having is that it is making all of my anxiety related behaviors (ocd, triggers/ptsd, dissociation, anxiety in general and panic attacks) a lot worse. Has anyone else experienced this?",5.1370000000000005,7.408938700000004,7.380000000000003,63.52500000000001,70.33333333333334,12.133333333333333,35.33333333333333,11.602472056035307,5.416233333333333,262,14,42,11,5,93,49,60,0.29100000000000004,0.7090000000000001,0.0,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,2,0,6,0,0,2,1,10,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,6,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144285369185124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551553611230595,0.0,0.0,0.1691411439570076,0.24785372893786364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27519460907620585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202075262549559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213955022849974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056535617337245,0.0,0.0,0.1614692114525799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930811756935034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391676959060686,0.0,0.0,0.2838159180340836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827665493289468,0.2431749323161135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24651536621370546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,medusa11110,2019/02/15,"Does anyone else feel this way after having been diagnosed with Borderline PD? I was diagnosed back November. My therapist has had a long time experience in psychology and borderline patients. I told her my experiences and what I felt and what I had done in the past and now. 

She said I had BPD. I asked her how she reached that conclusion and she picked up the DSM and told her that is her roadmap. 

After being diagnosed, more than ever before I started reading up on BPD intensively and agreed with her in my diagnosis with the exception of the severe angry outbursts and impulsivity. I do not experience rage or impulsive actions like reckless driving, unsafe sex, drinking, spending sprees, etc. This ends up making me doubt my diagnosis. Anyone else? What do you all think? ",5.505839328537171,8.040776316546765,6.3303776978417305,70.30813249400481,70.00719424460432,9.813189448441248,32.44664268585132,10.125756701596842,3.920941966426859,624,29,100,18,12,205,90,139,0.08199999999999999,0.856,0.063,-0.5742,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,1,5,0,12,5,0,3,2,24,21,10,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,11,1,0,4,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,10,3,22,1,15,10,3,20,0,0,0,1,13,7,0,2,11,78,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892504255350211,0.2773211920800014,0.0,0.0,0.1265143862512064,0.0,0.0,0.1040596799833206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515504734081893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34088438212167593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120683871204287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184273566757856,0.13848859527044444,0.0,0.13257094091749375,0.0,0.0,0.2261000992007346,0.0,0.11986136348019352,0.0,0.15092765451712378,0.0,0.12241286627999548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971333122349969,0.0,0.0,0.06842642984987879,0.0,0.12993710280838905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661149342181043,0.0,0.0,0.11976194366928668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033318642438748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918688344956836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536566402386693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872890904086529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528832976510026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578659250705587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712744832032524,0.0,0.08671338580684677,0.0,0.0,0.07891145271435186,0.0,0.0,0.258625398180064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074178945413181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loserjensen,2019/02/15,"how to tell someone you want to die but your not suicidal after being diagnosed 14 months ago, doing intensive therapy for 9 months, and starting college i have not felt suicidal in a long time but right now im going through it. i am unable to see my therapist currently so i have been talking to my mom a lot and she keeps asking if i want to kill myself and i say no, which is true, but i do want to die?

for example, when im driving i constantly think about someone hitting me and killing me and how relieving it would be but the thought of killing myself does not have an impact on me like it once did. 

i was just wondering if anyone feels this way or knows how i can convey it to a loved one without them freaking out and thinking i am going to hurt myself. 

or if am i subconsciously suicidal but consciously convincing myself im not for one reason or another? i dont know if that makes sense but its a thought ive had",3.512063492063493,4.718081238095241,5.096164021164026,82.57059523809528,72.5978835978836,8.786243386243386,29.9021164021164,9.23628265651192,2.5870148148148147,730,31,148,16,14,247,115,189,0.152,0.6629999999999999,0.184,0.4961,1,0,0,0,0,6,10.0,0,2,1,0,8,10,3,0,6,0,19,2,0,5,1,48,40,24,8,8,19,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,11,0,0,3,7,5,0,2,7,4,26,5,19,29,1,19,0,1,1,1,10,4,0,9,12,111,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845952946350724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646974491741865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776648373684284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383827888564734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003047398282328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127367760817582,0.2305525148325425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720074731875004,0.0,0.1301767508839441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616185571016944,0.0,0.10664751668810214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625071260216505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890596396439725,0.0,0.35993376180766,0.0,0.0,0.09872680266630884,0.3686575156198401,0.0,0.12208565271829025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426466650372956,0.0,0.0,0.09829612643360544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443030863234288,0.1002477361080413,0.0,0.07414210259013349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008737726458472,0.17731484792313434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828914006262717,0.15053190435378036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420156258088325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485575122011754,0.0,0.08832972274791534,0.0,0.0,0.08851081536510756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882236168816002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861805444405484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36448756428151263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927628519446112,0.09708271423161133,0.0,0.12702167718448187,0.12896433585726294,0.0,0.14234221111663067,0.0,0.17635914000826486,0.06476757052715265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654123299208387,0.08816459235349675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707042653827722,0.12045395090395768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890308576282204,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jewlious_seizure,2019/02/15,I just want to be told that I am crazy and mentally ill I want to know that my obsession about constantly over thinking my own feelings and thoughts isn’t a normal thing humans do because i hate living like this. For a while i thought this was just who i was or that everyone felt this way sometimes. Realizing that this isn’t normal makes me hopeful “this” can all be cured someday and i can live my life in peace. ,11.129839357429717,6.507497084337352,9.9855421686747,72.7485140562249,60.08433734939759,13.476305220883537,43.329317269076306,10.504223727775694,4.268938955823293,330,13,68,5,3,104,56,83,0.131,0.731,0.138,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,10,2,0,1,1,20,22,5,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,2,11,2,6,14,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898195860575376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286512431703817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021812096888848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698514886080926,0.0,0.20315746878795266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889914671521068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015442667654988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628312103182765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945072008589644,0.10337111105700966,0.0,0.3736718066143832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123649908210792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323073577806528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41462223806771226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092657438576824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056953209486722,0.13557691829200005,0.0,0.3359541562180264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021812096888848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495999322322684,0.16794854653428898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,evedahmer,2019/02/15,"it's hopeless past years, financial instability (dad has gambling problems and has handled his finance horribly, mom doesn't work because of her own severe mental illness)  I've been evicted/kicked out of 4 different appartments and it has made my anxiety so much worse. I've tried finding a job, I never found one where I could make enough money to leave and be independent. I might add this is italy and finding a nice enough job when you don't have any qualification is fucking hard, most young people live with their parents till they are like thirty. also, I had an horrible boss and this combined with my mental illnesses made it very hard to even keep that horrible job. I enrolled in college but I have a very unstable situation financially, so it was paid late and i keep feeling hopeless when I study because among other things I'm not even sure I'll get my university paid for so maybe I'm studying for nothing. on top of that my father is emotionally abusive, I've had problems (SEVERE problems) with all the medications they've given him except for two of them...I'm constantly tormented by intrusive thoughts that make it so hard to get anything done...my mental issues have only gotten worse and worse and the worse I feel the less I can function...the less I can function the less likely it is I can find a job, finish college and get the hell out there, the more I stay in this toxic situation the worse I get mentally. I don't get any therapy anymore. It didn't work.

I mean what else could I do beside killing myself

sorry if it's hard to understand or i've made some grammar mistakes, I'm going thru a bad mental breakdown right now and this is not my first language, also my situation is very strange and complicated. I know this may not sound bpd related but i've been diagnosed with bpd, generalized anxiety, covert narcissism/narcissistic traits, rapid cycling bipolar...not sure about all the diagnoses, but I sure do have bpd (and anxiety) so I thought I'd post here.

I dunno where to start because the people I live with and the situation I live in financial wise (also I never see it coming. for all I know maybe the rent of the place we currently live in has not been paid and I'm going to get kicked out tomorrow, lol. )makes my mental health so much fucking worse , the medication haven't helped me enough/have made my problems worse, therapy didn't help (I mean, it helped with some stuff but I've gotten worse because all of this stuff anxiety wise and I've started having horrible intrusive thoughts all the time) and this make it so hard to get a job or study, only things that could me one day get me out of here. No, I don't have any relatives or friends that could take me in.",6.0090833478741335,6.72483442994242,6.444048159134534,76.98189612051415,66.50479846449136,9.6932705170709,32.87041237713023,9.725611199111238,3.091393602047345,2162,89,402,44,33,701,229,521,0.23,0.731,0.039,-0.9986,11,0,0,0,0,3,60.0,1,1,2,4,21,21,4,0,21,1,42,9,0,10,10,94,90,37,1,10,13,4,7,2,1,2,7,1,1,0,29,29,0,2,14,0,7,3,14,12,0,4,22,9,47,9,40,61,17,40,1,2,1,2,15,16,3,10,21,251,76,11,0.0,0.05780183611063688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170392073891696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952571017596387,0.0,0.1492805031094776,0.0,0.04838126663994148,0.0,0.0,0.04014561244098015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073314725873882,0.11895468590496094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432768682097248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202365860293315,0.0,0.05271887849107736,0.0,0.15580230211435264,0.0,0.0,0.03146206513057373,0.0,0.0,0.09903079114026524,0.0,0.0509695787756308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992363737015314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040753317411481096,0.05487616804002042,0.0,0.15122276156122755,0.0,0.06444360600370386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049333972428394136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376486624683884,0.041496200655334894,0.0,0.05348985363897698,0.03769090165170636,0.09020125061051762,0.20390374014037252,0.0,0.05545088473147187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850733263359254,0.0,0.0,0.05185580453485472,0.0,0.0,0.09809797308262244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050918502756296016,0.2420562009905515,0.08672408165817168,0.0539729901523898,0.0,0.05362153857761533,0.0,0.05503121314272722,0.05165590324953353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766743419139275,0.0,0.17231096840147692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464487175031266,0.13025653795490585,0.0,0.09802148145753106,0.1062815769779376,0.0,0.09829081035614537,0.29498073382448986,0.05175280712794564,0.0,0.057135995615713316,0.0,0.0,0.07172466592051355,0.0,0.07525146326389226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681018998414182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611548643716154,0.07420585338076012,0.0,0.0,0.054169583536364925,0.0,0.04657047108985229,0.06764227122740663,0.0,0.0509695787756308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467222119521985,0.0,0.0,0.18672129644721314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166182684131409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03887505202259749,0.0,0.0,0.11022554307778044,0.0,0.0,0.21934397447556614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461042462662803,0.06906005653254596,0.05199794876154406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169351140527184,0.0,0.0,0.1379368734492774,0.0,0.036679987496945315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115790039482779,0.0,0.06482071104712755,0.0,0.0,0.1161886948086672,0.028446723298550542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03312157686690375,0.0,0.04765551698955168,0.05078654393209263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075734283089765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103161635952822,0.0,0.3977258310339013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031415716863839566
bpd,comawhite_,2019/02/15,"I just realized I'm all alone Living with bpd is so hard. I keep losing what I am and I realized now, looking back a few years, even a few months, I'm so different now. I would make decisions so differently now... not necessarily in a better way. Only two people know the truth (although not all of it) about me (my SO and another close friend) and I recently realized I have lost touch on how to communicate with my long term friends of close to 9 years (who don't know about my mental health issues). Although throughout we have been keeping in frequent contact, I don't know what has changed. I feel like I'm suddenly in a world different from them and I can feel them drifting apart from me emotionally, because I can no longer find the bridge to them. The version of me that they know is an entirely different person, and I can't find that person within me anymore. It hurts so much because I can't talk to anyone about it, my SO is away for work and I don't want to burden him with these thoughts that I can barely make sense of by myself. My other close friend has found someone else and I hate feeling like I'll possibly impose. I'm just lost, and so, so alone. It feels like one of those dreams I have about dying and becoming a ghost - and I can see everyone but nobody can see or hear me. 

How do you watch yourself disappear and how do you stop it from happening?",3.9082000000000012,5.096409738181818,4.919409090909092,84.28311363636364,71.61818181818181,8.40909090909091,27.56818181818182,8.841846274778883,1.9837090909090909,1078,38,222,20,20,353,144,275,0.10300000000000001,0.835,0.061,-0.7921,4,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,2,4,5,22,14,1,0,9,0,23,1,0,5,3,53,50,26,2,2,6,0,6,3,3,1,1,1,0,2,14,18,0,3,16,1,0,2,8,6,0,2,5,11,37,8,28,44,7,27,0,4,4,0,17,11,0,1,16,154,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585247430261816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420710538198384,0.0,0.0,0.09855684685229604,0.06948781331894265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336944660228663,0.0764159932139419,0.0,0.12116051909459058,0.10975583306681568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878922774829962,0.0,0.0,0.12516384172584466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512935977808448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031392754670791,0.4153178548962404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301805103073692,0.11178752572997323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656386143709737,0.0,0.0,0.09496049130387753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009951827605362,0.21298823074240972,0.0,0.0,0.181660442184784,0.0,0.0,0.1089634827562828,0.23033893156150745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788014947892242,0.0,0.0890236871173356,0.09811577265544366,0.0,0.10563478265211568,0.1120068814948232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063868245454636,0.0,0.0,0.10372541743166214,0.0,0.17666449491700986,0.0,0.0,0.21846347285234735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565406213128892,0.0,0.08775310622859564,0.08794691542572113,0.0834529774836244,0.11117921018911024,0.21696691751325295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267194675029145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015023385076507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932303387638444,0.0,0.07305469043698336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734149727668506,0.07558188773373085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889659396181788,0.17354708448181913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203441626340792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098124357945127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583837222402582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420314775165982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308494217937742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798767376537794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889549127521442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707843171118592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861606088583465,0.07888209056227154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234878932910814,0.0,0.0,0.07059569142939219,0.0,0.0,0.12799309363878508
bpd,mooneternal,2019/02/15,"Normal flashbacks are traumatizing for me. I saw a montage video about my college's sports event. I saw many familiar faces, that I start having fashbacks. Just perfectly normal flashbacks, but somehow it was traumatizing and made me gag and almost having panic attack, like one of those PTSD flashbacks. It was just a sports event, but seeing all those faces, reminds me of all the times lost and broken relationships, the hurt I've caused them and the hurt I've received, and the horrendous and full-blown cringeworthy things I've done. I felt sick. Is this normal? Am I overreacting? I just recently got diagnosed so I'm pretty unfamiliar about the knowledge.",5.957179487179487,8.556866811965817,5.614025641025645,75.65180769230773,68.91452991452991,8.44068376068376,29.648717948717948,9.120678840339163,2.8527784615384615,535,21,85,11,10,165,74,117,0.305,0.621,0.07400000000000001,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,1,1,7,0,8,4,2,2,3,23,17,9,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,5,0,1,9,4,11,2,5,8,2,6,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,2,6,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743025501356646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157927888938573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202300597185364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984418612092334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813269555387954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013024948203045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171508157536902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37937125856060505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656611552745737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934238871088844,0.0,0.0,0.1676615237492301,0.0,0.1796429147971204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5208259279668733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006857373722095,0.0,0.0,0.20789436350766893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026599705064889,0.0,0.0,0.20712570387592447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495381278715616,0.19023581824493155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411975409044253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541603997658846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771720580863144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332095180757997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buttsplosion666,2019/02/15,"I hate it when people say ""it could be worse""... And i sort of internalized it recently and it has been hard (this is kinda long but bear with me)

I've been very tired recently (last few months) and I can't figure out why. I may be in a slump because it's not a constant thing. Anyways, I live a relatively easy life: I have food, a good home, a supportive spouse, all the clothes I could ever want (I basically own my dream wardrobe!), a job to pay my bills with, albeit barely, a car that is running decently so far... You get what I mean. I am starting an Etsy shop up and will hopefully get to work from home at some point. I have the opportunity to go to a convention in Canada over the summer. I have so much to be thankful for, but yet I'm still in a slump. 

I always think ""it could be worse!"" As I do get told that quite a bit (I'm sure many of you can relate). I just look at my life and can't understand why laying in bed scrolling through Reddit and Tumblr is all I can manage some days. ""Look at the amazing life you have!"" ""What about your spouse?"" ""But you're going to TFCON in July!"" And this and that and whatever. Like, yes i am incredibly thankful for all this. I wish thankfulness could cure all this, but alas. It does not.

Meanwhile, my spouse works 40+ hours a week, takes 2 upper level classes, works at home, and basically is constantly working. She has the right to be tired. And honestly it's got me in the mindset: ""you could be doing that, then you'd have a reason to be tired"". 

And so I did give me a reason to be tired.

I had not slept really at all on Monday night, but then Tuesday night came and I didn't have to work the next day (you can see where this is going). I set myself up with the TV show I'm currently watching, a setup to draw, and just locked myself at my desk until probably 8-9am. I took a short nap, then went to work. HOLY SHIT was I dead. My head felt like it was going to explode, my body hurt, and I started experiencing tremors. I didn't really prove any point. The intent was to show myself ""let's show you what tired really is"". 

I've been having to recover for 2 days now. I still have a minor headache, but I can walk again without shaking, I can draw without my hand twitching every few minutes, and I'm not beating myself up for it now. I'm still not impressed with myself and how much of an unmotivated potato I am, but clearly frying my brain out is not the answer. I still feel meh, but what can I really do.

Please don't do this to yourself... Don't harm yourself or overwork yourself in whatever way to ""keep up"" or prove a point. I proved that I'm occasionally irrational as all hell. I just would hate to see anyone else shaking as they try to just climb the stairs to bed, having a pounding head, and feeling like they've been hit by a truck.
Thanks for reading <3",2.878095312991505,4.092959506920415,4.293389430638567,87.67840751808744,74.17301038062283,7.261465869770367,24.03601761560239,7.7669595915474945,1.0186491349480966,2177,63,475,29,44,723,265,578,0.109,0.745,0.147,0.9693,2,0,0,0,0,0,104.0,0,8,1,10,21,23,4,2,32,1,64,17,7,4,12,86,109,40,1,9,22,3,5,3,0,3,9,1,5,0,26,25,1,1,13,8,3,13,14,8,0,0,18,12,61,15,63,72,14,81,2,1,5,0,16,31,2,8,38,315,87,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505887673141074,0.0,0.0,0.044997980184683525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626771678333807,0.06779915203308644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040336717440370026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224068051249202,0.07350013454365333,0.0,0.07386778614312363,0.0,0.07568103899877543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301287851185712,0.0,0.2641574558049299,0.0,0.0,0.12802284381900533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057905955905611886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055276680752130616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059854701110105324,0.05575121656160313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691524561361223,0.04727197795553456,0.06353373373285774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001322424033805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371353791369006,0.06347645022544565,0.1504241150125976,0.055500393639132575,0.05292232443173312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059275469263191674,0.13065867421569713,0.13581935548531246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912220723148774,0.0657219026546617,0.06516428198619813,0.0,0.07083652848529566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656636769523888,0.05881508156670873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393751478637535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676634752438795,0.14021382988432274,0.09698219836191194,0.0,0.058429466577213963,0.05855851235681636,0.11113254375169844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708615987141199,0.0,0.07207870639246862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281639312698309,0.0,0.09728536747353253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037271946174989,0.1241924317252238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045874059702106826,0.0,0.0,0.07263496888783236,0.18765657750441406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134262779625604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038011382402205,0.06618806998757085,0.0,0.16956120423576784,0.1360678972040159,0.13067010706219492,0.0,0.0,0.056508957997345274,0.0,0.05262116981284835,0.0,0.0,0.10545810630229596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792272184095463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367116446324412,0.0,0.21137431187204395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508911727623503,0.06236459591430061,0.0,0.049751727899569324,0.0,0.0,0.2436823848735071,0.0,0.0,0.04396051632435629,0.04239916887365816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802643440294358,0.0,0.06322842679029489,0.07351748625525145,0.044925197426092314,0.0,0.0,0.06888547371722578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459731470644733,0.03902887678408766,0.052522795740614914,0.05307771375804436,0.0,0.0,0.061340404403792424,0.11941656071884806,0.0,0.0760924223147106,0.1275713524627306,0.0,0.2890360022352912,0.0,0.1348660991629062,0.047005385565768526,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,featuredhorror,2019/02/15,"Feel so useless...(venting) It kills me. Currently on disability, gaining weight by the day (🖕meds)  - most days I can barley function...I used to be so independent, with goals and drive. I used to be outgoing with a great libedo-  which now is now none existent...I feel gross and hate myself. I can't be a properly functioning adult. So fed up of this. I try and try and try to get help but nothing has helped.. beyond frustrated.",1.6248780487804881,4.2538061219512215,3.1494634146341483,87.08760975609756,85.34146341463416,7.182439024390242,25.27317073170732,8.238735603445708,1.9662839024390248,330,14,66,8,10,108,61,82,0.114,0.768,0.11800000000000001,-0.3929,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,3,0,3,0,7,2,0,3,0,13,14,8,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,6,1,10,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,41,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963738059310216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323639136467681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200487937977226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533295210753235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685682921921005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080288331991166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25421377208638457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552300116291144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204768521134472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680097009084415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969064278339724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27980600589336924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisisnotalwaysme,2019/02/15,"An interesting title This is how this feels to me...just a never-ending shift of crazy. Wish my high personality was constant 



Depression, expectation too high

Constant tides, reminder of failures

One minute

Next

The best

Full of me 

Full of knowing inside me is enough

More than enough

Then

Disassociated

This reality

The constant shift

High low

Happy sad

Isolated belonging

Fighting flight 

Darkening light

Loving hate

Hating love

Sometimes just night

Waiting for motivation

Something to change

Waiting for something

Fulfilment

Like summer haze flooding on country glade

A host of contradictions. All juat are

All exist

Within me

All of them I think waiting 

Once more for

My soul to feel free

That few hours of high

Hope is belief that's still within me

I keep that

One thing

Even in the darkness 

To become everything







",6.859255319148938,9.662548205673762,6.315904255319152,70.70875000000002,66.94326241134752,8.387943262411348,32.31737588652482,9.075114841892004,3.26846524822695,671,29,98,13,12,207,98,141,0.17300000000000001,0.642,0.185,0.6249,0,0,2,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,5,14,3,0,6,0,5,2,0,2,3,18,19,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,6,0,2,1,3,9,9,19,18,11,20,2,3,0,2,5,11,0,1,10,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810333942668174,0.0,0.0,0.1312279261963745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228195032061793,0.0,0.0,0.40539048740901096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770182488549616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075352553352226,0.2584116218423155,0.0,0.08259161801863629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238316525019244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264538984958005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311365418699042,0.0,0.2469138172528292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284713100020325,0.0,0.12419876413862928,0.12314499370466545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114651506182112,0.0,0.0,0.0687219401024741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061091095933361025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22571756018283826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644308403346673,0.0,0.13298770171261698,0.11734707846707335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133169770847925,0.16946863589913114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918523072989256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253284034020968,0.12367356317303432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986179357552023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307491989497079,0.08012434457784015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437965796799916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,basicvodkaboy,2019/02/15,"okay everyone so i need some help okay so i've just cut myself for the first time in 5 years and i am freaking the fuck out.

it just won't stop bleeding and i don't know what to do. i don't want to die. (although i kanda want to but ugh)

god

so please, if somebody has advice on how to stop bleeding please feel free to give it to me

​",-1.0830263157894748,0.9629778026315812,0.8818947368421064,102.27626315789476,93.34210526315788,3.5663157894736837,16.810526315789474,4.935628992294339,-0.9948063157894732,267,7,66,1,10,87,51,76,0.095,0.601,0.304,0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,2,2,6,3,0,1,0,16,13,9,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,7,4,10,12,1,8,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,2,5,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380489254104207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706534530564735,0.2658610555764074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270756765180902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906892847236405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062981801921344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610774283995346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227335138338973,0.0,0.2098890341820156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665432866349426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024454473764568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622344416067264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803445502564207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658464608832847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758169135191227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581030673368451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658610555764074,0.14089743308768604
bpd,totential_rigger,2019/02/15,"So it looks like I'm gonna be kicked from DBT... So I'll try and sum this up. I'm seven months in to the year long programme. I've missed a fair few sessions due to illness that I'm having investigated. There's a four in a row miss rule so they agreed to let me have a DBT ""vacation"" for a bit so that I wouldn't get kicked off. This was with the caveat that I wouldn't be allowed to miss any more sessions for the rest of the year. 

That sounds fair enough I know, but I had agreed months ago with my one to one therapist that I could miss two sessions over the next couple of months for work related activities. Now I'm not allowed, but I've already confirmed with work that I can do those days. I told my therapist that this had already been agreed but apparently it doesn't matter, if I go to work on either of those two days then I'll be kicked off. So looks like I'm getting kicked off. Great times 

(This is all with the assumption that I'm actually going to be well enough to work by the way. There's a  chance I won't be able to do either as I've been off for ages but these are in a while)

Just annoyed. I got accused of not putting DBT first as I was actively choosing work but it just stinks to be told that when I've sacrificed SO much for DBT and I literally asked ages ago if I could work these two days and got permission ",3.3895789473684204,3.8480575017543854,4.254385964912281,91.27736842105264,72.22807017543859,7.824561403508773,24.824561403508767,7.85451343220497,0.9099824561403512,1048,28,251,13,19,338,132,285,0.065,0.8240000000000001,0.111,0.9397,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,7,13,10,1,0,14,0,26,1,0,2,1,30,49,21,0,6,13,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,20,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,6,1,8,10,4,17,4,37,26,10,35,0,4,2,0,4,10,0,2,23,158,37,9,0.10664010829828276,0.0,0.10406536267856452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890600434209606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353600225628669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251893048796401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969410590243848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642337871582555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702868981831822,0.11799525150477318,0.0,0.20632214320904227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203754771398778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070802164139476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114301103553945,0.0,0.12121206213634846,0.0,0.17057967273085173,0.11757109587151075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586066146409707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090467358233822,0.0,0.10419794062921588,0.0,0.0,0.09437314007547412,0.17910166594595825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553573511131323,0.0,0.07839274976736113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341296498087527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452419450122286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072027630353253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24763477003987064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218270472576271,0.0,0.0,0.20379838688090507,0.0,0.07240163349398036,0.0,0.3125156711809251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464595427871366,0.0,0.0,0.0958822643223088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465811613512259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734546682161022
bpd,whiskeykitsune,2019/02/15,"Feeling Guilty hey all,

i & my partner were dating a woman with BPD for a few months now. i broke it off & wanted to get to know her better as a friend than a lover this week because i was being emotionally drained trying to support her in the best way i could, nothing i did was good enough for her, & i felt she wasn’t physically attracted to me. a few close friends of mine have BPD but they have a fairly good handle on their symptoms whereas the woman we were seeing does not take her medication regularly & is seeking new counseling.

still, i just can’t help but feel guilty. even after loads of research on how to best support a partner who has BPD, nothing i did made an affect on her outlook towards life or us giving her space to be herself & grow & lean on us for support. she’s still dating my partner tho but they haven’t spoken since i ended things. she’s also unfriended/unfollowed on all social media. (not abnormal but still sucks since i expressed i’d like to still be on friendly terms) 

any advice?",6.7764845499328255,6.289137073891633,6.953085535154504,78.0819614867891,64.96059113300494,9.155217196596508,33.232870577698165,8.296473431620573,2.488432512315271,818,30,155,9,11,264,125,203,0.08,0.722,0.19899999999999998,0.9774,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,3,3,10,16,1,0,10,0,17,4,0,3,2,22,31,9,0,2,8,0,3,1,7,0,3,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,9,4,30,14,25,18,8,26,0,1,1,1,31,11,1,1,14,110,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731513937657076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145590709470237,0.0,0.5808864358726687,0.0,0.060763397655459885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054469022651363386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754182792360796,0.0790258491607103,0.0,0.0,0.3376125580036942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134144450418252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819379027394377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005105840851029,0.0791406190343142,0.09232598068434404,0.0,0.05901709896415089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903595597345651,0.0,0.08579330697736055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207102719177352,0.0,0.04668348016688125,0.0857159537155987,0.0,0.1498908384282132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059891721818163435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049106309300309424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311297134588656,0.0436535733409904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845483776054124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900141820388173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713210567481062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629810118875739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147405529516913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120311648365198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478281642069016,0.0,0.0,0.09108457113471248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854310640992282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041916464201462,0.0,0.09287242841496858,0.06718266051054378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059362449683139785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066511485066312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149623532150097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270296911870477,0.07092459506993146,0.07167393324068612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pusfilleddonut,2019/02/15,"I blew my imaginary Valentine plans I've always struggled with intimacy. I always end up going too fast because guys initiate it and I don't really know how to say no. It's never felt like assault, but I've always been uncomfortable and I had to pretend to be into it.

So this guy, let's call him T, had been a constant for me for the last three years. I always let him know first when something interesting happened,  we were able to talk about anything and everything which is pretty rare for me I admit. He lived in another country for about two years and moved to where I was a year ago. We meet up every once in a while but by the time he was here we had cooled off just a little bit. Typical me to want something that wouldn't work and lose interest once it was attainable. 

So recently T and I started talking more often and meeting up more often. We made plans for him to cook lunch for me at his place since he was bragging about his culinary skills. This was about three weeks ago. I had finals so we had to postpone until it was the 14th. I didn't even realize it was on Valentine's day. It hit me a couple of days before the day that I was going to his place on Valentine's day. Cue the wild fantasies. I daydreamed about how I'd initiate it, what I'd say, what I'd do, what I'd feel. It kept me up at night buzzing with energy. He hadn't even suggested that it was going to be remotely  romantic or that it was even a date. And I'm pretty sure he would have said something to that effect since he's a very very forward person. But that didn't stop me. I woke up the day of, took hours getting ready and practically bounced on rainbows to his place. I get there and everything was going smooth, we were cooking laughing, having a great time.

 Bit by bit, this feeling of dread suffused through my body. What was I even doing here? I didn't like him. It was a mistake? What if makes a move? What if he kisses me? Oh God why did I even come here and other dramatic thoughts started running through my head. This strikes me as funny because we were snuggling of his couch while I was thinking this. I pulled away at some point and made excuses and left. So now I'm feeling like shit for acting like a total spaz. I left because if he had made a move in time, it wouldn't mattered if I felt like puking. I would have done it anyway. It would have made me depressed and sad but I would have done it.

Do you guys ever  suffer like this? Is it because I fantasize SO MUCH about romantic things that they just end up feeling disgusting and slimy while it happens? It is it just my very strict Christian upbringing guilt talking? ",2.8044067796610155,4.580032943502829,3.789777777777784,88.90884745762712,75.49717514124293,6.678568738229758,25.735969868173257,7.471455274886353,1.2233648964218449,2067,74,427,26,45,665,232,531,0.115,0.76,0.125,0.7648,0,0,3,0,1,0,50.0,7,1,1,8,33,24,3,3,18,1,54,7,3,8,4,76,89,37,0,12,12,0,7,6,0,6,0,3,1,4,42,26,3,2,13,4,0,13,9,11,0,4,43,11,56,13,55,35,8,75,1,4,0,1,42,27,1,8,43,290,98,1,0.06630802573859068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755612803984745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069435695879824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952974649018154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456585537291322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229857290813792,0.0,0.0,0.16168302816560404,0.0,0.0564232460866782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717357143532548,0.07365326852119883,0.0,0.0,0.06770790796082055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711849285994716,0.0,0.07165541946571134,0.0,0.0,0.07336856928094447,0.0,0.21381595537643616,0.0,0.05711100540654625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571226397078387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745845907929175,0.0,0.0,0.2189791281722724,0.059979405486671376,0.055867371526462525,0.0,0.1191867559353278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410932058673156,0.04737046683661919,0.12733220639211978,0.07263720108593359,0.0,0.056401572819774586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928641337115446,0.0,0.15073751638517552,0.0,0.0,0.07310483246469082,0.0,0.1969661112424824,0.1172719363500357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805116427368275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653000486178703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288231368249141,0.05404989099125496,0.0,0.0,0.14408772795928726,0.13560889764780107,0.0,0.1943685121687404,0.06645806153346158,0.0585512015465223,0.0,0.0,0.07418171986537027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25096902885937594,0.044261122070767454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114248128742953,0.04874402841709029,0.0,0.05114083720972355,0.0,0.0,0.06222559032681669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123176670349202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578976104551561,0.2078333218588812,0.0,0.06268251697096265,0.0,0.0,0.13491820068340582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042478619202178165,0.0,0.06547117595702884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307411686250715,0.10546160695320758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806423554872948,0.1097013681983871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314147319180915,0.0,0.0,0.09386632380661997,0.0,0.0,0.05543647859431145,0.0,0.06931954551787294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062494529535370415,0.0,0.0,0.1598876381559162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405210593519849,0.042487505492557684,0.0,0.05264116575809215,0.11599422912957005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367065638424934,0.0,0.0,0.0647733062136291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413319671770302,0.03911019156232838,0.0,0.05318829860904165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983267967543358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827303246246906,0.0,0.0,0.18841327605798144,0.0,0.0,0.1281005837448976
bpd,Chstc,2019/02/15,Talked to a super cool guy last night How do I not ruin it?,0.7092857142857127,0.9853399285714308,3.3557142857142854,95.93928571428572,78.28571428571428,5.6000000000000005,14.0,3.1291,-1.3370571428571427,45,0,12,0,1,16,14,14,0.0,0.493,0.507,0.8509,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559924420188095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457713218180195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526947874996785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513279864549314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Linktothepizza,2019/02/15,"Something we all need to fall in love with. Exercise. Someone made a post recently about really focusing on taking care of ourselves, and exercise being a big one. We all know how hard it can be. Personally I let myself get way too stagnant in the past month, lots of binge eating and occasionally binge drinking. But I know from the past how great I feel when I'm physically healthy. I'm at the point now where if I don't start caring for my well being I'm going to keep taking years off my life by eating awful, chain smoking, and drinking heavily once a week. But I know I can do it and you can too. Yes there might be some people on here with physical disabilities that might make it harder, but if you can move any part of your body, do it!",3.8666198901769375,5.139683288590606,5.135680292861501,82.36824283099452,71.81879194630872,8.371201952410006,25.625991458206226,8.841846274778883,1.7735583892617452,586,18,119,11,11,195,98,149,0.035,0.877,0.08800000000000001,0.7768,0,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,2,3,0,0,11,5,0,0,6,2,14,9,1,4,2,29,33,12,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,8,4,1,4,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,2,14,5,17,25,5,23,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,6,9,81,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972274267652847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588122159983987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915436550781164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28012076613775755,0.0,0.29259680484883355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229210195297878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469817067851575,0.0,0.08125558950698354,0.0,0.0,0.1576296704411382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807688974285425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270821270699583,0.0,0.0,0.23572480845861205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620090850651624,0.10098697630876008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155163701017932,0.12903988779639933,0.135285739588909,0.09543645543186006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30334627641645,0.0,0.0,0.11412072216761765,0.15195905410927574,0.0,0.10601363179392703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226296327293906,0.0968830858517113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482723410462804,0.2729702943676324,0.099120377443765,0.1248396439426031,0.0,0.0,0.1351569268327942,0.0,0.13692985760753434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159299761569148,0.0,0.1411698726549277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211416603805274,0.11006860119566228,0.0,0.0,0.1011979453909911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499776038606516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134863443963392,0.11468535934498625,0.0,0.12855106618035672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920707615727887
bpd,ni-kitty,2019/02/15,I want a Bpd boyfriend. So anyone? I think you are so charming.,-1.8725641025641016,-0.9184187692307724,-0.2846153846153854,104.82128205128204,121.30769230769228,1.7333333333333334,19.71794871794872,3.1291,-0.9220051282051284,48,2,11,0,3,15,11,13,0.0,0.565,0.435,0.7324,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153785653582519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7481941728714014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806478288434734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503902931288905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shnnh,2019/02/15,"Wanted to let you all know that I am doing well for the first time in what feels like forever! Recently I’ve found a new job that I really like, I’m no longer having chronic suicidal thoughts, feeling the need to self harm, or beating myself up as much. I’m scared I’m going to take it all for granted like I usually do and will end up spiraling again, but usually that would have happened by now. I’ve been able to communicate and express myself better, which is improving my relationships. Slowly, but surely. I’m trying to take life day by day, while still obtaining a schedule , because I thrive with a schedule. I read this sub every day, and you all help me more than you’ll ever know. Just wanted to share some positivity and growth with you beautiful folks!! ",5.2873648648648635,6.315390304054056,6.127945945945946,77.48867567567571,68.25675675675676,9.433513513513516,29.664864864864867,9.642632912329526,2.730505945945946,607,22,113,13,10,200,101,148,0.064,0.687,0.249,0.9844,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,0,4,6,9,0,1,5,0,11,2,0,0,5,26,28,9,1,4,4,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,3,2,13,7,17,21,6,22,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,20,74,20,2,0.15668682300028014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551483298645924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857676192413615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031501153731878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387780180652518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417322018936626,0.13201540622499885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845113124240978,0.11193709765890776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327773160053769,0.0,0.1717990139834908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904873236031224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855764011296826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502387464061043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548749465436654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722219604130555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022289237483586,0.1106725368649634,0.2296478014823981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518284352212688,0.11618129388318252,0.0,0.1513291100310646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672922467983827,0.0,0.10037759100938448,0.0,0.15470933487360394,0.16822300949573704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568708440605567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345852851563458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251302992486442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138995306185664,0.0,0.14767547636538164,0.0,0.2356179819609801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439183537425436,0.09136534653351587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638006762400426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451367979743865,0.0,0.18483589564233174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088027120821672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130582349482618,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saturdaypup,2019/02/15,"I made a huge fucking mistake at work. Or did I I joined a study group. I want to get my certification to go farther in life but I'm an awful studyier. I'm really good at making walls at work and create no friendships even if it seems like I'm really friendly and get along well


The person who invited me I talk to almost daily and I mostly get along with her in our chat exclusively. She thinks I'm a positive and upbeat person AHAAHAHAHAHA.

So.

She asked if I wanted to join a study group. Wel I have no excuse not to except that I'm horrible at studying and hate people. I said sure.

Then the studying group chat appeared. I was like uh oh. They want to move to discord and fuck I have trauma from an abusive friendship from discord so I really don't want to go back to that platform.

Then my coworker asks me why I didn't talk in the group. I get a wave of paranoia. It's like those walls I built up are cracking because of my fears of failing tests and classes

I had a nightmare about college last night and dreading to go to work today. Help. ",1.3390758341759366,3.623612213953489,3.2584428715874623,88.35067745197172,82.67441860465118,5.599595551061679,22.836198179979768,6.895973343053719,0.7822355915065731,826,29,168,10,23,277,121,215,0.22,0.579,0.201,-0.9036,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,4,6,15,3,2,11,1,8,3,0,2,1,30,35,16,0,7,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,6,11,0,0,2,2,0,5,5,8,2,0,6,1,26,7,29,29,1,24,0,1,0,2,22,13,2,7,9,103,32,8,0.0,0.1607219814830436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583296184256186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536271620661253,0.0,0.0,0.10430577146884402,0.0,0.08269042175729488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959493977840806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264293071375634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480214479259417,0.25081078224958225,0.28348418798009006,0.0,0.2312774991776591,0.11377601473149665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339253856379974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092272076577364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057210723255104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581295872245277,0.19881386970447945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835444189692247,0.09054681602658116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441735074269377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729747498174948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404199412344992,0.23688709354813614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26070082758948904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903334096359226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348983025584005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278476550924189,0.0,0.0,0.21805918873725616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691845491652876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857946935723386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32003737406353483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196481613636935,0.0,0.12240219826073892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962624433087657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sreyn96,2019/02/15,"I forget I have BPD. I am not my illness I was first diagnosed that I had BPD at 18. I found out after I was hospitalized in mental hospital twice within the same month for suicide attempts. Once I was released they prescribed medication and recommended that I go to group discussion. I went to discussion twice and never went back. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to be on medication so I never took. Looking back I just think I wasn’t ready to handle the news and situation so I ignored it. I ignored so well I forgot. Fast forward 5 years and child later. I am wondering why I have so much issues with her dad trying to parent her. I hate how feel and make big stuff out of small stuff. My living situation and other situations were other normal people could cope, I seem to crumble. It hits me. I forgot I have BPD. I am learning more about. It makes me realize. How I act and how I feel it follows the BPD to a T. I have been researching and watching YouTube videos on it. I have been watching Dr. Fox and Ted talks. I feel a lot better, now that I am understanding more about it. I am learning coping mechanisms. I still would like to do more. I would like to do therapy. It’s hard though. I am a single mom. It would be hard to schedule them and have someone watch her. I am still against medication as it doesn’t work for everyone. I do not want to go through trail runs to see if it work. What has and hasn’t worked for you? ",1.0745548266166836,3.4338804604811024,3.0958263042799135,88.57320524835991,84.60137457044672,6.138956576069979,22.220243673851925,7.463857097105799,0.9715649484536087,1118,39,234,19,33,376,149,291,0.07,0.846,0.083,0.107,1,0,0,0,1,1,33.0,0,1,2,6,17,8,1,0,6,0,35,6,0,5,2,51,59,21,1,8,4,3,5,3,0,3,6,0,0,1,19,14,0,4,11,1,0,9,9,3,1,3,16,10,47,5,30,36,7,32,0,0,5,0,14,10,0,4,18,178,66,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471650462844765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322513813019572,0.0,0.0,0.4740702284591327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513239827633783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551105138498228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991802501881242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274165200679112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004269596230172,0.0,0.10317744815855116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696011290930607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859293829615327,0.09290575879752266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821752764379513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791973296454615,0.0,0.08309335696348877,0.0,0.07902156796192271,0.0,0.0,0.08000173832842833,0.0,0.0,0.12562697668667322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843921127106994,0.09483218872800096,0.0,0.0,0.11021055068529467,0.0751109271522229,0.0,0.06917543698708765,0.0,0.14515377069769556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219949972922284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021503654329757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448859020659104,0.0,0.0,0.06523813824578155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498671975800239,0.08566648010040144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173221183416964,0.0,0.0,0.07973190368158241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029917418538435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544742972088612,0.1029317781686195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756352288847138,0.0,0.0,0.10761327721288937,0.0,0.0,0.06029644767539321,0.09245425536594727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455023956779153,0.06388874800779486,0.0,0.0,0.09796299012280653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100701685231266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460855823389785,0.17446608425471324,0.08491197582687658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204907301916004,0.20552105911576815,0.0,0.0,0.20054103746752355,0.0,0.0,0.06059828691923341
bpd,thevastminority,2019/02/15,"How do I get out of bed? I feel nauseous all the time and I can't even get out of bed. I hate this so much, I don't know what to do or how to fight it.",-3.149615384615388,-2.1004362820512803,0.3150641025641025,110.16951923076924,91.30769230769228,3.9,12.314102564102564,3.1291,-2.098389743589744,111,1,38,0,4,40,26,39,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,9,9,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,6,9,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327102335506962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254702033397871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263583558628353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973310595909738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27683793210579644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703009783218552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29373017865787376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AsuraNinne,2019/02/15,"How to tell your loved ones? Disclaimer: I haven't been diagnosed by a professional, yet I'm not looking for a diagnosis in here. 

So, I suspect I have Quiet BPD, I've read the symptoms and manifestations and so much applies to me. I'm having trouble in scheduling a psychologist/therapist though, since it's very demanding for me atm. My healthcare requires me to schedule a regular doctor (of any practice) and then have this doctor prescribe me therapy. Then, I have to find a professional that takes clients from my specific healthcare (which isn't very good), and I know I'm not going to find the best treatment (DBT or CBT) through it. If I do, I'll have to pay full price.

I feel like I'll only get somewhere if I communicate my suspicions to my partner and to my parents. My father already pays for my healthcare, I don't even live with them anymore so I try not to ask him for money. I tried to tell my partner once, ""I think I may have BPD"", and he said ""No, I don't think you have that."" We didn't discuss the symptoms at the time. The first and only psychologist I saw (a psychoanalyst), around two years ago, said the same (I only saw her for two months, no diagnosis given, so I simply stopped going). 

So, should I try communicating again? What should I tell them? How did you do it, how did you find the right therapist?

TL;DR: I've been feeling the need for therapy, yet I need help from my family and my partner in order to get there. Any tips on how to approach this?",3.894151827553891,5.320115573883161,5.220870040612311,81.19076148078727,71.95532646048109,8.177507029053421,29.722118088097467,8.710501217029153,2.287837113402062,1156,48,230,21,22,386,146,291,0.061,0.885,0.054000000000000006,0.4759,1,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,4,2,3,17,5,0,0,14,0,21,6,0,4,0,38,44,23,0,6,6,2,2,1,3,3,5,3,0,3,9,11,0,2,9,1,5,3,10,1,0,4,10,8,43,4,30,31,4,25,0,0,3,1,24,8,0,4,14,159,52,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280947372771142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155381086101042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423980160397708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383341707642467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320443542309348,0.09787956603774096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987529191594764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637298127096984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626742698160888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432802017104333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915279698947813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870103471912783,0.0,0.10587806584967242,0.07479708919729643,0.0,0.0,0.2870793617402693,0.08905703816723402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940196259743802,0.0,0.11900587234370574,0.08781667433962821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017762907589814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057539911272317425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051150713066199865,0.0,0.09245126208675272,0.0,0.08792091157616799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449506493965314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835698576335096,0.0,0.07696591747603855,0.15526617686868668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150117105713936,0.07094684942346104,0.2388852501817986,0.0,0.0,0.11625600879874795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472747680061087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941249667508049,0.1991857230910224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866082136207403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753317227174406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764499783363972,0.07872072611228706,0.0,0.27453499925265723,0.0,0.23946519094167285,0.2431275511019499,0.0,0.13417396746619298,0.1028663771236073,0.0,0.06105091267448508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325153787173992,0.0,0.20455170007821635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277551710961933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742281586288512
bpd,achmoopu,2019/02/15,"Explaining BPD? I want to tell my friends and close family about my BPD. Does anyone have any coherent sentences to explain it so that I won't have to over-explain? 

They all know me well enough to know that something is going on. But my brain is so chaotic right now that i can't think for myself.

This subreddit has honestly helped me so much recently and made me feel like I'm not alone x ",3.635611814345989,5.024893848101269,4.332341772151898,87.45311181434599,72.54430379746836,8.30464135021097,27.090717299578056,8.841846274778883,1.9115299578059068,310,11,65,6,6,99,58,79,0.05,0.764,0.18600000000000005,0.8011,1,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,1,1,14,17,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,11,4,7,15,3,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208977005956464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504030229389006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913299666253987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5372469760904857,0.2380952653431732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866460964402437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037918656172886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010649910794232,0.0,0.10784270107274456,0.15236999404330176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478253989730424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121410241178075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295963972691791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344304044957947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041996945181822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181429478121185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678813859223198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105920282564903,0.0,0.0,0.1821432054640863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641962944162234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641944782309894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366636512395789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580031511907458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176775647895766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,barnaby111,2019/02/15,"Fucked it all up again Once again I've ruined my relationship. My mood swings towards the world has finally pissed my now ex partner off enough to want me to leave. One of the kids almost choked the other day, I got scared, removed the object from his mouth and then shouted a lot because I was so worried he could've killed himself. My partner saw me getting angry and told me to stay away from the kids and that I had 2 days to leave. I booked my tickets for the coach and tried talking to her, she's told me she wants no contact from me ever again. Now I'm used to break ups but this time my now ex is pregnant and due in 2 months yet I'm not allowed to be part of her life. My own family don't want me, they've already told me that if I come back I need to get my own place as I am not welcome home. I'm at my wits end, I have no family, yet again, being me has ruined everything, I'm a constant fuck up and I destroy everything that I ever get near, I tried ending my life about 3yrs back and now I wish I had succeeded as I am nothing but a plague on humanity, I am absolute scum and the world would be a better place without me in it",3.2975969387755093,3.5784254204081662,4.638201530612246,89.08220025510204,72.34693877551021,7.594387755102041,26.33290816326531,7.413659706084162,1.089290816326531,888,27,205,9,16,296,136,245,0.16699999999999998,0.778,0.055,-0.9745,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,16,12,5,1,11,0,15,6,2,2,3,28,36,15,1,7,6,2,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,5,7,9,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,8,0,1,8,2,40,3,29,24,6,43,0,2,1,2,21,15,3,3,24,140,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680963215391706,0.0,0.12872783667981927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959792904105063,0.17939561401787088,0.0,0.07110967483221965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316877673988313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048494267480253,0.0,0.12605883588360484,0.0,0.0931367348598145,0.0,0.0,0.15046114099432278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663721916111125,0.12053218775470652,0.0,0.0,0.21103592970406276,0.0,0.0,0.20967770223074775,0.0,0.21993731471456532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778602203449127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156848736668712,0.1828367905158405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329686500318388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701097086905195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290576071135326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470342016571697,0.0,0.0,0.16478881579450744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917293819922872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311011850735257,0.0,0.0,0.08649561299856823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193026532023076,0.0,0.0,0.12423004591401787,0.07904607886866798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126322212494184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375198979322624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252400609467129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678850669595398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433498353583095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937600611761057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802043075186477,0.0,0.0,0.33439653654445434,0.0,0.15839742961064254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074944682152408,0.0,0.0,0.20641224025871904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414347401952026,0.11244788826633928,0.0,0.0,0.11846526590013386,0.0,0.08286588237841121,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,annessab,2019/02/15,"1.5 years since suicide attempt I wish I could say the suicide attempt and hospital stay were my lowest points but it didn’t get any better after that. After all the prescriptions that didn’t work and all the therapists that couldn’t treat me, I finally found a great psychiatrist and therapist team. I found the perfect combination of meds, Found a support group at a yoga, and the will to keep going to therapy. I’m not in a steady relationship. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not without its ups and downs. But I’ve never felt so secure with someone. Bpd has taken me to hell and back but there is light at the end of the tunnel ",3.7239516129032246,5.474783491935483,4.757290322580649,83.040935483871,72.95161290322581,7.863225806451613,26.10967741935484,8.548686976883017,1.8228767741935488,499,17,97,9,10,163,81,124,0.125,0.6809999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.8962,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,6,3,8,1,0,11,0,9,0,0,0,4,25,21,10,2,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,4,2,0,1,8,2,0,0,8,3,8,6,14,10,2,15,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,7,65,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090659996939234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409857967169384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123409908242367,0.0,0.0,0.1868851789597106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847300973261655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142469141549154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247246272012762,0.1625480499715984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.488088085844758,0.0,0.0,0.15504963317189588,0.0,0.08433037403583632,0.0,0.0,0.16359451882758574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189102896309918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482181297145046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444333259098186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027138640553596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930950319212167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800137051560187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274525458909315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572576967562482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158158214765814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246172845944401,0.16838505835039458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696906944419563,0.3445718588344729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063493933947932,0.14303743609910707,0.0,0.10802573854280226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223523999949652,0.0,0.09555480193187532
bpd,youvecaughtmeinacoma,2019/02/15,"Woooo i've a date! With a girl (i'm bisexual) I hope that i'll not run away from that person before something starts, for terror... like always.
Wish me good luck :-) i really want to recover in relationships this time",0.91,3.4918457142857164,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571429,91.85714285714286,6.609523809523811,16.523809523809526,7.793537801064563,0.8042095238095235,168,4,33,4,6,57,36,42,0.0,0.615,0.385,0.945,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677551622296728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30233241530157884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738196955762441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269902289782436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31961020187871936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572104009220234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809747252944014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614699410542908,0.0,0.0,0.34548216786427044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477297596163375,0.0,0.0,0.22776470685597716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763840976741808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898001531332284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700427631445085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dalilcat0217,2019/02/15,"BPD episode, I need help... My mom is addicted to sugar, and I told her the granola bars she’s always eating aren’t good for her health. She said “I know, but their delicious”. And I immediately started to imagine how she’s gonna develop type 2 diabetes. I screamed and ran to my room. I started crying, then I went out, giggling in order to feel relieved, but than I started crying again and crawled under a couch . I’m writing this while my Mom is telling me she’s done with playing this sick game with me. I’m literally shaking here and I don’t know what to do, does anyone have tips to deal with these sort of breakdowns? ",3.245519999999998,4.834190711999998,4.294599999999999,86.53630000000004,73.88,6.920000000000001,29.3,7.554174236665415,1.7067600000000005,489,21,100,6,10,159,84,125,0.14300000000000002,0.736,0.121,-0.5807,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,7,7,0,1,0,19,21,10,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,4,9,3,0,4,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,4,21,4,15,15,0,14,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,1,6,61,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759442390009235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081846605728833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673753057615833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828400348344785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981996478846134,0.0,0.1868656809986144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861724691312265,0.1854865322275241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546885222110385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164784407537896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202787872085935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266531578464224,0.0,0.0,0.12149123343940635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922573288725426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245667283234324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439809514508275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724147673589573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848791196848073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842463436802354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319667428463162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802496252590488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,codeword_canal_nine,2019/02/15,"So what do you do when you get to know yourself a bit... and you discover you really don't like what you're getting to know? lol I continue to face a lot of hard truths about myself and about the few people in my life. I felt so deeply in love with one of them, just a week ago. Valentine's comes and we've spent half the night talking about another man she's interested in while I stare at another woman I feel deeply in love with this week. Am I a monster? Is anything I feel for anyone real? Has it ever been? I'm quite worried there's simply no substance to me. Not just my feelings or emotions, which I now know I can't trust at all, but to any and all of me. What if I've faked things so long there really isn't anything real left underneath? I'm so immensely shallow and self-centered. My feelings are ethereal. The deepest, most passionate of feelings simply up and evaporate with no rhyme or reason and latch onto the next pretty, young face I see. I worry I only want any of them because of how they reflect on me. I struggle to care about how they feel for me, because I'm too busy being lost in my feelings for them. I really feel like quite a terrible person. ",2.3392857142857157,4.149737833333333,3.912142857142858,87.37000000000002,76.91666666666666,6.904761904761906,24.761904761904763,7.793537801064563,1.3188154761904762,920,32,189,14,21,306,133,240,0.12,0.772,0.10800000000000001,0.2796,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,5,3,18,13,0,1,9,1,11,6,2,3,4,43,36,19,0,2,7,0,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,7,11,0,0,14,0,1,1,6,4,0,2,4,12,32,9,33,31,6,25,0,1,2,3,16,12,0,5,14,128,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004426488693928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349839045368696,0.2366887202350726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891487603511177,0.0,0.18574959824671108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375977583409283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321473251060484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506907898917673,0.0,0.0,0.09721956183664583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695317803082856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208902981622013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456526379910661,0.08062775817887259,0.1083640402022566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179301905898115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110108373690893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607598643822168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262355917362253,0.0,0.07971690106332263,0.11027614491520968,0.0,0.0,0.09987823183665047,0.0,0.0,0.12320086488180786,0.09595019254759922,0.203722506498999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002871156541706,0.10591218926999788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647738007262543,0.08583570292578413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824344891647568,0.09854567300367473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148199794626155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24008264698982845,0.0,0.25692053416196525,0.21690450182504933,0.1160396707113948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899354232748775,0.0,0.1177383993784848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798658375821278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071321356890068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497968210580451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665682075393676,0.0,0.18106020753337126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292311850332732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kfh39,2019/02/15,"Lamictal question Hey everyone 

I’ve just started taking lamictal (25mg a day) 3 days ago and I feel awful 
My muscles are aching and cramping and my body just feels generally really heavy and slow 
I can’t stay awake and have horrible brain fog 
Has anyone else experienced this and does it last for a long time? 
",2.480714285714285,5.246725833333336,4.076190476190476,81.10500000000003,82.33333333333334,8.095238095238095,25.23809523809524,8.841846274778883,2.470309523809524,250,10,46,7,7,83,49,60,0.165,0.835,0.0,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,2,0,0,12,8,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249897355889937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747181323430294,0.26006121078775923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28192880602927994,0.0,0.2833390289780809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273765209316594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211329423835693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202802828141956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425290100865105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566707587425867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689131031288036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461634354972265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843284270447782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625989807905895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965000826501953,0.27053067703103056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908356403931286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800028648366145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DoWhatICan23,2019/02/15,"How to mend things after being replaced? Is there a way to do so at all? (warning: long read; I figured the more details I give, the better the advice can be)

I was in a long-distance (committed, with regular visits and a plan to marry that was supposed to happen later this year) relationship with someone who we recently discovered has BPD until early January. Without minuscule details, the timeline went something like this:

She developed a crush on another guy. We were poly, so that was fine, but then she began to prioritize him and started ""acting weird"" (I had no idea about her BPD at that point), so I told her I don't want him around her because he's a terrible influence on her. After much hesitation, she promised me she'd refocus on me and stay just friends with him, but wanted to keep him as a friend and would snap every time I suggested cutting ties with him completely. They had a ""friendly movie night"" and ended up having sex a couple times that night, followed by me getting kicked to the curb and him asking her out. She agreed, yet they're not officially together. It's an odd sort of unofficial commitment, a ""relationship queue"" if you will.

The catch is, she wasn't always like this. While upon looking back, she displayed some symptoms in the early years, in our recent years we were much more stable than what one would expect. We didn't go through the idealization/devaluation cycles anymore. She wasn't mirroring me. She's been in therapy for anxiety and depression, and all her therapists told her that she has minor BPD tendencies, but nothing that really qualifies for a diagnosis. We were, for lack of a better word, healthy. Then something happened around late December/early January that made her go from ""minor tendencies"" to all-out, all diagnostic criteria checked BPD.

Fast-forward a week or so after our break-up, when I read an article about BPD. I told her about my discovery, and after reading up on it more, we concluded that it fits to a T. She's agreed to going to therapy, and is starting DBT soon.

We've been in daily contact ever since the break-up, with me often talking about how much I would like to fix things and how I think our love would deserve another chance. Most of the time, that just led to lots of stress, frustration and arguments, but this past few days, our conversations have been feeling more ""normal""; we crack jokes, we laugh, we smile at each other. So yesterday we talked about it again. 

Her stance now is that she really likes him, but if we were to fall in love again, she would be open to telling him that she wants to try again with me. She told me that the other night, when he would not answer her texts quickly enough (I guess the first cracks are already showing?), she held on to a plushie I gave her many years ago, and it gave her comfort. And when I talked about our memories, for the first time since the break-up, she smiled at me with a hint of that radiant smile she'd always give me, and called me cute, even though she says that the memories themselves feel like they happened to two strangers, not her and me.

My question is, **what can I do in this situation?** Can I possibly fix things by just being there for her, spending ""normal"" time with her and hoping that she'll eventually see in me again what she loved in me the first time around? Can I somehow help her rediscover the connection between those memories and who we are? Or am I deluding myself with false hope?",6.643069450998901,7.040008053680983,6.621104294478528,77.36904278747839,65.08895705521472,10.184112002516912,32.668868963347485,10.035473477838034,3.127909737297468,2729,104,509,57,39,867,304,652,0.057,0.778,0.166,0.9978,1,0,2,0,0,0,108.0,17,1,2,7,39,27,2,1,34,0,48,5,0,7,6,107,86,44,0,17,16,0,2,5,3,8,1,1,0,1,36,45,0,3,8,5,2,10,9,6,0,5,25,5,100,21,81,47,17,93,0,1,2,4,100,28,0,14,58,382,136,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060375014943962475,0.054768155741595465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818063794879782,0.0,0.1028191648938424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957269171564165,0.04726490810677235,0.0,0.06127353737946783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500368432329438,0.057760087428166934,0.0,0.0,0.04750840115249231,0.0,0.0376632057171235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092865878266572,0.0,0.0,0.3890765370182737,0.0,0.06308879528388119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477978327778676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836327966764526,0.0,0.039845836161345134,0.0,0.05321482581672965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054722652806682336,0.06383981636326608,0.0,0.04080802318304519,0.0558875402883095,0.05205603409458544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062480112936383836,0.04413879818125063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766137465248692,0.0,0.0,0.14320345652019922,0.0,0.032279806604396506,0.1185384808056299,0.10534052002826542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680624983891728,0.06117628424944445,0.16390726152430254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414127907898814,0.0,0.0,0.12273172914789278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974708373113912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491682657596116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969551088095358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092372076811128,0.0,0.0,0.10935452547143414,0.05188334751551177,0.0,0.0,0.05252689991596935,0.16728853937726287,0.05846190703996371,0.0,0.06263969902221292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625596135226808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739414633141009,0.12107121659526253,0.059283812205226986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04186671836971584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589802148492684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058406242345396285,0.06965264425505369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921268445151703,0.0,0.1854034032129497,0.0,0.07916135622854903,0.0,0.1220093115072492,0.1326666783553873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049133446385835,0.0,0.0,0.04923417923227536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221741254558538,0.06944827074811523,0.0,0.0,0.052349734047015976,0.09512932184386988,0.0,0.0,0.08746265340398775,0.06585396535414015,0.0,0.0,0.07077383825015235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421766366601463,0.0,0.14897991646527933,0.054002301674866186,0.0,0.14131172546740214,0.07173646745853954,0.12314045922572782,0.03958895817153032,0.060702873711019165,0.0,0.21616193428695524,0.0,0.0,0.23615062369845766,0.0,0.04194756192153299,0.0,0.06035439550039633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932614564388367,0.04904159253269892,0.04955973066522,0.0,0.0,0.05727477138532343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955797095435904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633392529761599,0.0,0.0,0.15914854944869047
bpd,reiraniimura,2019/02/15,"Love addiction? So most of my BPD traits are relationship and self image related. Never found therapy to work much, so i’ve just been doing some reading/soul searching and there’s one thing i realised that i hate. I’m addicted to love and attention? 

Since like maybe 13 years old i haven’t been single for more than a couple of weeks. I just jump from relationship to relationship. As a teenager it was more innocent. But now (age 26), i’ve realised that i’m finding a *target* (don’t even have to be attracted to then at first, my bpd changes that), making them fall in love with me, then onto the next.
It’s really making me feel weird about myself because I don’t fully understand it and really don’t want it.

An example; an older man I met online. Literally zero attraction. The one focus i had in my mind was to pursue him by any means necessary. I don’t even know why, my mind just craved him. Took maybe 2 months and spent 2 weeks with him irl. Once he declared his love and we had sex, something changed in my mind and boom, instant dislike towards them and onto the next. Most of them now overlap each other and it’s just spiralling.

I just want to be with one person in a normal relationship. But in every single relationship there’s like a switch in my head that changes my feelings completely and idk how to stop it.

Any similar stories or advice would be appreciated. ",3.52046549216098,5.516705297397773,4.763125909164376,81.7445821884597,74.09293680297398,7.949636334249233,26.193793437853564,8.716276077567194,2.0149740100210116,1091,39,208,22,23,360,151,269,0.044000000000000004,0.8190000000000001,0.13699999999999998,0.9782,0,1,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,3,2,15,10,1,0,10,0,18,8,1,3,1,46,38,19,0,4,8,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,3,12,15,0,1,8,0,1,3,6,2,0,5,10,3,27,8,30,24,9,30,0,0,0,5,22,11,0,4,18,141,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961015588026029,0.0,0.08789092994987406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232819107851975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054828212936159686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655927251994706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854422364725063,0.0,0.0943031715937544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951984657874627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881256212699386,0.0,0.07578057331036722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095542642016484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220596511647785,0.0765051837433308,0.0,0.09861748826221016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879975945544916,0.09230712135177112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943013573163298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788288454829385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247070621176789,0.0,0.12007485278931243,0.0,0.18071898948025236,0.09797392829724896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724493515096529,0.0,0.07179137601286142,0.0,0.06611820670951521,0.0,0.06936932698702898,0.0,0.1913100863127675,0.0,0.08812471372965151,0.0,0.0,0.09437969550363262,0.09578600136357923,0.18284242984680726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785344646385202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523914688018125,0.0,0.0,0.4828238032254866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938298139405957,0.0,0.0,0.07440150080327082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924225666957534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519609416732526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285727445102097,0.0,0.05975390916175701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992960872170424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363348484565333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061010266956154,0.0,0.14429315902528198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115926424697166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654793303404855,0.0,0.0,0.06389268766741278,0.0,0.0,0.057920126496870124
bpd,st4yw0ke_,2019/02/15,"Find a hobby And immerse yourself in it, to the point where the rest of the world disappears. 

I’ve recently taken up gardening, more so growing fruits and veggies. Not only is it a great distraction, it’s grounding. Which I think is important for us because we need to learn to get out of our heads. We need to Divert all that mental energy into reading and learning, and then do it! 

also there are new Studies that show eating more fruits and veg can improve mental health. 

It’s a win win all around 

",4.7755817378497785,6.128988649484537,5.385419734904271,81.13288659793818,69.7216494845361,8.017083946980852,29.32106038291605,8.418075326091056,2.2172751104565536,397,15,72,6,7,128,70,97,0.047,0.754,0.19899999999999998,0.9467,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,4,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,6,0,5,5,1,0,2,19,10,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,3,12,9,5,14,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,3,52,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946108901360264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977302658304255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367986289722011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296280849484125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051072380266136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724528496419505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24741349703492665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303100350908016,0.2385379915268299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523062391746278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33279525741701066,0.0,0.2167371718983981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067438625008052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214056860369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244713452947926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157841078893475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379326181044969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699383408132006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rebex1213,2019/02/15,"I think I may have BPD? I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for pretty much forever, but it’s never fully explained my issues and the treatment has never worked especially well. 

It was my most recent relationship that clued me in, but I’m realizing that it reflects patterns throughout the rest of my life. 

I’ve been dating this guy for a little while now and we’ve clicked like I’ve never clicked with anyone before, but he has his own issues with depression and isolating and all that fun stuff. I’ve realized that I’ve been flipping back and forth between thinking he’s the best thing ever and feeling so unbelievably miserable about the relationship I literally can’t do anything. In the span of minutes I can go from sending him absolutely furious texts about how it’s all over to suddenly begging him to forgive me and that I didn’t mean it. 

I realize that it kind of sounds like it’s just an unhealthy relationship— except that I’m like this in all of my relationships, romantic and otherwise. I have this intense need for companionship and attention, while simultaneously being terrified of letting people get too close. 

I have episodes where I’m almost manic. It’s like everything is running at 150%. The world is perfect and everything is right in the world. 

And then within an hour I’ll have crashed and being in the depths of my depression. 

I don’t know if this sounds at all like BPD to you all? I really want to figure my shit out, because clearly there’s more to it than standard anxiety and depression issues. ",7.908032006920415,7.911645363321803,8.194859429065747,68.48080125432527,62.49480968858131,11.654065743944635,37.78568339100346,11.20814326018867,4.4356382352941175,1246,57,213,32,16,410,156,289,0.15,0.703,0.147,-0.7051,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,3,12,18,2,1,11,0,22,3,1,1,11,56,35,23,0,3,6,0,1,5,0,1,2,2,0,1,22,19,0,0,13,0,0,3,6,7,1,0,5,5,22,11,33,26,11,34,0,5,2,0,14,18,1,4,18,155,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618042158041988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223554531884332,0.0,0.0,0.07414331459451245,0.0,0.0872591556279107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153566437481954,0.0,0.0646389780783028,0.0,0.0902294077067356,0.0,0.1112789574131958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670989818126075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36531696056285656,0.1076250017205186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591625096065258,0.0,0.0,0.19059786773010545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361533323474685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055399790637704574,0.0,0.060263090862074625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499298775074828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044247738061742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332024245206161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042088852402683,0.058274988165031925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842969310669792,0.07489684544911142,0.25902083724621705,0.10627661372566477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550503407479218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794916312609615,0.07862485724587435,0.24534608185983606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351248509080552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078774280180633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792981468886898,0.0,0.10469843261749083,0.4553748599278857,0.0,0.09055474835348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884513184759163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138663357881108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044606084274545,0.13588805045498056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254318325721152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533971298033098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719596849506666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Psychocrates,2019/02/15,My life has been a waste. Things only ever get worse. I can’t see a way out of this. Lost  the job i had for 10 years. Can’t get another thanks to all my issues. I have been miserable and as such have lost everyone. I am all alone waiting for things to get worse. I am likely to end my life in the next few hours. There is no help for me. I have been getting “help” for more than 10 years. I can’t take it anymore. All there is is emptiness.,-1.043125,0.9577676041666692,1.0508333333333333,101.7775,91.70833333333334,4.45,15.291666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.8822958333333335,334,7,85,3,12,110,58,96,0.23199999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.079,-0.9316,1,1,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,0,16,2,0,0,4,7,26,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,1,11,2,12,20,5,9,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,7,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780227585745442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023816741592644,0.0,0.0,0.17046539578884692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224057673602814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554813396183028,0.0,0.164245085465026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592147765015277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23042403212331594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927375244662873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794050327355793,0.17057100390560986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428172858505478,0.08397514782060704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752692242925703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828034305002752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072756301048882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697142695047287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923738918887265,0.0,0.0,0.15825015804447418,0.0,0.0,0.2283877403664528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364356431623809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503344161450216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213787683170604
bpd,pahbss,2019/02/15,"Anybody else fantasize about the act of running away? I spend a lot of my time at night dreaming up starting over somewhere else. Living alone and maintaining a hermit existence. The action of running away, particularly leaving everyone I know behind, brings me a coping satisfaction. ",7.694361702127662,10.705074978723406,7.571223404255321,61.70875000000001,65.17021276595744,9.806382978723407,39.40957446808511,10.125756701596842,5.1296,232,13,29,6,4,74,38,47,0.045,0.8909999999999999,0.065,0.2263,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,10,3,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877454013801424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220559816972777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641782907213317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654759898131789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526866749981033,0.0,0.0,0.2941791049049661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453266870815589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361989230198391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26072219738211244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664766597237066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620033930492235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,karmaChameleon676,2019/02/15,"I think I realized something tonight. My biggest hurdle with BPD is toxic shame. 
EVERYTHING, all my issues that I still struggle with can be tied back toxic shame. 
I've had a lot of success but these is the piece holding me back - after all these years I don't know why I didn't see it. 

I think now realizing all of this - I am finally equiped with the right piece of the puzzle and I believe it might be enough to help me regulate my emotions during difficult times - it will remind me to question myself/my judgment while my emotions are trying to run a muck lol

I didn't plan this post and so it ended up being a free flow thought....hopefully it makes sense to someone. [Serious]",2.598995407577497,4.892071723880598,3.752388059701495,86.51896096440873,78.02985074626865,6.5111366245694615,26.7256027554535,7.61054688173877,1.6195655568312288,537,22,103,8,13,174,88,134,0.069,0.8240000000000001,0.107,0.7935,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,3,6,1,14,0,0,1,3,20,19,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,6,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,3,1,16,3,12,11,7,17,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,4,11,74,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848096533325513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086532559101776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332487537779216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166427093464584,0.1640293021573421,0.19135769175723671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664428475881139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287392663213988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413344063653925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932972335894209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017792600606255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744760708407918,0.0,0.0,0.12362023174623613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964644266190999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736724036768425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074626822483344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815696532262502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475777881289678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569165583801141,0.14257346342359456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478983195655948,0.0,0.0,0.19360779574819825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373331280174836,0.0,0.14702548887040778,0.10798968195532108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573639902835154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711121140691765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926059943421725
bpd,aaharsh11,2019/02/15,"My experience with identity problems I’m a high school student, I know technically I cannot be diagnosed with a personality disorder because I’m young and my personality is still building. But I know for a fact that I relate to BPD symptoms and it effects me so much it’s unreal. I’m not in the correct friend group and I don’t know what my correct friend group should be, I stick to this personality and way of thinking based on the friend group I ended up in through other fake personalities. I constantly change my way of thinking, personality, and my self image based on who I am around. I even act differently around certain family members. I can’t get a girlfriend because of these BPD like symptoms, I can’t enjoy every day that goes by, and I don’t know who I am and my beliefs and thoughts.",5.014178321678322,6.2730704294871815,6.5062937062937065,73.67506993006994,69.06410256410257,9.262470862470863,33.412587412587406,9.573946990214177,3.2115846153846164,641,30,120,14,11,219,87,156,0.057999999999999996,0.8220000000000001,0.11900000000000001,0.836,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,0,11,3,0,1,4,29,22,10,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,3,0,0,6,10,12,0,0,9,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,21,6,17,18,1,16,1,0,0,0,15,8,0,0,6,79,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206160470146452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510713096611407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121258580442528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310825521729013,0.0,0.0,0.13390493963183084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991304163868435,0.0,0.0,0.1257681544911282,0.0,0.12946175192565654,0.1420139807483312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974932523971022,0.0,0.0,0.08184276125149327,0.0,0.1044012730288992,0.0,0.0,0.12120979266518545,0.11681328263587115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872025005916172,0.0,0.0647389483513535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091991745155296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27239535785711805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053718402680947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108963747991262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409762506892313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185671273952318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254056419254776,0.0,0.0,0.12926732532548418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895634842633824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575841957338416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587957170723273,0.0,0.0983723516734081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671128547654293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ultimatium101st,2019/02/15,Bullying Well lately life has been extremely shit and for some reason i use bullying people as a coping mechanism. And before you mention i am a Piece of shit.,3.666,6.327832266666667,5.616666666666671,72.60500000000002,76.33333333333334,9.333333333333334,26.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.3586666666666662,128,5,20,4,3,44,25,30,0.40299999999999997,0.5429999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,3,3,2,2,0,5,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717870580067066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602986802517785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256026476950643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214327075550606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283978253163536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6557218741667674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27586024994672603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871802083235181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bravemewmew,2019/02/15,"Terrified of getting help I know I need to go see a therapist so badly. 
But I also know there’s a strong chance they won’t believe anything say or might invalidate my feelings. 
And that terrifies me. I’m too afraid to look at therapists or call for help or even try because I’m too afraid of rejection. 
But I know I’ll die if I don’t get help but right now I’m stuck in this vicious cycle of “i need to get help but I’m terrified to do so”",0.8789583333333333,2.6173514791666683,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,81.08333333333334,7.183333333333334,24.20833333333333,8.167268648758528,1.3507583333333333,346,13,80,7,9,120,59,96,0.228,0.647,0.125,-0.9099,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,8,6,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,16,21,12,1,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,4,9,1,10,18,0,5,0,1,2,0,7,3,0,5,1,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355463779533653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772200653770384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988393201131994,0.10942805340668836,0.0,0.0,0.20224708124031648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330048991420375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630376014363856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185651209255774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076600099590124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813607870445434,0.0,0.10202006469407293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812889392699587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959631497951126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074377272840406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904324793684044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662098112805032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330115254993545,0.0,0.1427541095557716,0.0,0.0,0.1430467824467324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168515049525509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187597839402545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worriedtakeaway,2019/02/15,I am very worried about my best friend My best friend has BPD and his fiancé is leaving him. He has been suicidal for a while now and I’m worried this will push him over the edge. How can I help? What can I do? Please help. I will do whatever I can ,-1.3955555555555534,0.6131460185185205,0.5906481481481514,102.85041666666667,98.07407407407408,4.181481481481482,16.00925925925926,5.985473137389443,-0.7354740740740744,191,5,48,2,8,62,37,54,0.13699999999999998,0.534,0.33,0.9242,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,1,0,3,13,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,4,3,10,2,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879128112516472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927800056005648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359201894853531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116311564895785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24614558838449924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551754337462259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254277655752706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180697224654192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721565254123311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,olivehunnieb,2019/02/15,"Im legit dead inside... And I know a lot of *cool* people try to use that expression but I feel as if emotions were an organ, mine would have died of cancer and rotted away. I literally can’t cry or feel anything for more than half a second until I laugh it off or go blank face like Harley fucking Quinn. I’ve been through so many traumatizing experiences that I’ve never gotten the chance to process? Materialize? Talk about? Remember fully? Physical, emotional and sexual abuse as a child/teen. Bulimia (vomit in Tupperware, rinsed down the drain. Like wow). I’ve never spoken to a professional. These traumas and past experiences have decomposed inside of me and I’m a walking shell without an identity. The stench is with me every day, in everything I do. I’ve been stripped of my creative abilities, my drawing hand shakes as if it never created beauty with pen and paper. I used to be so good. It’s sad. I’m now into photography and while I love it, I’m desperately searching for an outlet that I can accurately and perfectly express my deep rooted creativity. Is that photography? I’m not so sure. 
I barely take care of myself. I’ve wasted my athletic body away to a thin frame because I have no appetite due to stress. My hair is thin. My skin isn’t great. I don’t drink enough water. To top it off I push everyone that loves me away to do something risqué, impulsive and down right selfish. 

Why does my soul have to be cursed with such a mind and body?


I drank wine and needed to let this out on Valentine’s Day of all fing days. 

Thank you for reading.",2.2078625509609817,4.825495056105613,3.930472723742966,82.75589545719279,81.93729372937294,7.129062317996506,23.763249854397202,8.219915518859313,1.7509876528829356,1234,45,233,27,34,412,186,303,0.196,0.63,0.174,-0.8442,0,0,3,0,1,0,42.0,0,1,0,2,7,20,1,2,13,1,20,15,6,3,6,40,39,24,2,4,7,0,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,16,4,0,4,3,0,4,9,7,0,2,5,9,26,13,42,30,4,32,1,1,0,3,6,17,1,5,13,146,38,4,0.0,0.1406323553580541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976746140738544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345492721355674,0.0,0.0,0.07235443882644099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636833796124171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101590515607705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037920551865995,0.2296424104212943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231850845993842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386945716276784,0.0,0.0,0.11627441543219855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26702836047356177,0.0,0.12264208528715605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000043693235434,0.11341669894317825,0.10667403918748727,0.2322099821132255,0.0,0.0,0.12002997151326865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973020221467354,0.0,0.0,0.06745623540010523,0.09955445289623388,0.0,0.13085997184728515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282093176057397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523082808008845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137211679545072,0.0,0.11597526990975618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090894533134974,0.21425098507097684,0.0,0.0,0.1203365508780576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984657096193542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800970548981865,0.2746311683599036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330634942053106,0.0822871085467817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187255920870481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445656580739268,0.1013635765133628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913760335438434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596297109289654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186719263131943,0.0,0.08924271931995131,0.09540131672288438,0.0,0.10927700199871344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058507620847598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050261009924574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710239684437503,0.0,0.0,0.11441627137131652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431643698968462,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IAmJacksWastedLifeX,2019/02/15,I hurt very badly right now and i desperately want someone to tell me its ok I'm feeling very lost and empty and I'm ashamed to ask for it but I just need someone who understands to tell me it'll get better. I'm sorry,0.34562500000000185,2.309150645833334,2.904,91.341,84.20833333333334,5.506666666666668,22.1,6.742157984588678,0.5007449999999998,173,6,39,2,5,60,32,48,0.256,0.59,0.154,-0.4896,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,2,4,9,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137231133208407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977147837097248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094268345323356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197311814167374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371614579453045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25349503435968873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584908255553486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558124661006427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222250518870072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012729945403963,0.0,0.0,0.2650737549142746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139403131577633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465130053692057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907630275905054,0.1396684263466707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nocturn999,2019/02/15,"An episode/panic attack just kept me from going to my partner’s birthday dinner with his family I (23F) am blessed and grateful to have and live with the most caring partner (23M) I could ever ask for. 
Today is his birthday, and we were meant to have a dinner with his family, and I was fine and ready and good to attend, right up until he got home from work to come collect me to go... 
I don’t know what happened, but I had an episode that turned into a panic attack about attending. 
He was amazing, as he always is, and I feel like he understands my brain better than I do sometimes. He wasn’t upset, only loving and understanding, and was all smiles and compassion with me.... 
but I can’t help but hate myself. I feel like I have a strained relationship with his family because of my mental disorder. I feel as if they see me as standoffish because the pressure of having a relationship with them triggers me into a state of panic and self-hate sooooo much. But really they’re all so nice and my boyfriend is perfect. Panic about seeing them is all in my head and it eats me alive anyways.
So.... How the fuck do I get over it? I’m so tired of the negative self-hate and rhetoric that follows my episodes like this. My boyfriend was nothing but love and yet I CAN’T help but hate myself for not attending this dinner. I can’t help but get stuck in the negative thought cycle “I always do this, I’m selfish, I ruin everything, I’m miserable, his family will hate me forever...” how do I break this? How do I prevent these episodes from happening? I’m so over it. 

I’m not on medication and I’m not in therapy because I can’t afford health insurance but “make too much” for state insurance (in USA). I’m not in college right now due to finances but have studied psychology for years, so everything I do to help myself is through research and things like common sense, like trying to eat right/meditate... but what do I do when episodes happen? Everything I objectively know and understand about this disorder slips away and I’m completely taken over with emotion and it can ruin my whole day. Any advice? I’m new to this community and have never posted in this sub Reddit, or sought help from others who deal with this personally, so I don’t know. Maybe I’m just searching for support. I just feel like a failure right now and hate losing control of myself but meds/therapy isn’t an option. Sorry I’m rambling. Thanks for reading. ",4.011003942631849,5.665212073995775,5.062483286669334,81.53641506199645,72.02325581395348,8.073344380321124,28.21718758928061,8.685302888712808,2.20027105879664,1913,73,361,35,37,628,211,473,0.198,0.637,0.165,-0.9821,1,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,1,0,3,5,22,36,7,7,14,0,37,13,2,6,6,83,88,49,0,2,20,0,4,6,2,1,3,0,1,3,20,34,5,3,12,1,1,7,15,18,0,0,13,6,52,18,56,73,7,41,1,4,2,3,29,17,1,4,19,247,72,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971242443144587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872085281335636,0.0,0.0,0.04851350862518095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666930804692489,0.1623186371383086,0.06702608808516104,0.0,0.0,0.13046423515611233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309425349465922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963880746356779,0.0,0.0,0.07273567806845971,0.0,0.0,0.06145291866264181,0.07479842035036627,0.0,0.08001364900819408,0.056959023307274474,0.0,0.0,0.04600826757365999,0.07354819867110038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635231769805875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599684562260368,0.0,0.08024767007900308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453093109168283,0.0,0.0,0.19234682984677973,0.0,0.2690112478995968,0.0,0.14428618048669908,0.15289549669981384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595249320640792,0.07454419947255715,0.0,0.08108810185643436,0.05983643742368418,0.05705695305091539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925664189704391,0.0,0.0,0.28173312190912553,0.07321521373581585,0.07583086871079464,0.0,0.0,0.2390878123272071,0.0,0.0715596335534928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176194609771283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091181291875452,0.0,0.06299434817128176,0.0,0.0,0.07981098535493986,0.0,0.0,0.12877390501582653,0.0,0.04761986877352368,0.0,0.0716704152786553,0.0,0.0,0.07186734062321452,0.0718937365498583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488591920482693,0.0,0.055021649767519006,0.06890042094249697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845245971700084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054257130669977977,0.0,0.2511056439373775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062291159446137376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683238058343821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135910303189716,0.0,0.045702101018902916,0.0,0.0,0.15318448861677225,0.0,0.24369518897982326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369716437701627,0.0,0.14884593478487312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055688385127258,0.07985906259190544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095555675358525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568010070588401,0.16316655146283526,0.0,0.04739499148886223,0.0,0.0,0.05663583045810909,0.0,0.08199460268307843,0.06762178645755272,0.0,0.0,0.04843503961452341,0.07759721390831953,0.0,0.22280173529663144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964833618369792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193622221071194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594049060324717
bpd,Blumpkin_Breath,2019/02/15,"How to let go of a cruel thing my niece said to me? I (29f) was talking to my niece (19f) at family Xmas and she got to talking about her life plan. She said she saw me making heaps of mistakes at her age (because I had undiagnosed bpd, and had traumatic things happen to me that she has no idea about). She essentially said that I'd fucked up my life and she'd never make those mistakes. Her boyfriend was there and she told him all about how I'd gone through 3 uni courses and didn't finish any of them and implied  that I wasted my 20s. Then she called me old (I know not that hurtful but after what she'd said it was like kicking me while I was down).

 I'm in a good place now I'm my life,  setting up my own business and I finished a course that I found really fulfilling. I'm happy that she's thought about her life path, but the things she said to me really hurt because I feel like a lot of what happened in my 20s was a result of fucked up shit that happened to me that was beyond my control (I don't really want to talk about all that).

After she'd finished,  I just said ""well I'm happy you've thought things through"" and just walked away. The trouble is, I can't let go of the anger at her saying those things. I'm meant to be seeing her again soon and for the first time I'm not excited to see her at all. 

I feel like her plan isn't great either. She wants to go to uni full time while working full time at the same time. She'd also have to drive 2-3 hours a day on top of all the work and study, so she'd have very little time for herself. And also on top of that she wants to buy a house with her bf, even though they've only been together 1 year, and they've never lived together (or left home for that matter). I think the fact that her current plan isn't super in terms of potential stress levels just makes me more angry because I feel like shes setting herself up for failure in a different way. And I must admit even though I'm angry it does worry me that she's setting herself up for burnout.

How can I let go and move on? Every time I think about it I just feel angry/sad and can't focus on other stuff. It's been a while since thus happened and I still don't really feel better.

Sorry for the length ",3.2173480443974647,3.740398585623681,4.244877774841438,90.95592131342495,72.65750528541227,7.096432346723045,23.87215909090909,6.9077264865688965,0.5967421247357292,1733,43,398,14,32,564,202,473,0.16,0.762,0.078,-0.9916,2,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,1,12,27,23,5,1,17,0,33,7,1,9,8,66,81,31,0,6,10,0,5,4,1,1,4,7,1,0,28,17,0,1,14,0,1,8,12,11,1,1,25,15,69,12,61,46,12,70,0,2,3,2,47,29,3,2,33,262,97,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346425591973115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048242853407445135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665215181506301,0.0,0.0,0.129736379617035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274225279626792,0.0,0.0,0.08934870757028998,0.0,0.07243950462780853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795672555765941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457515890107054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411907675206407,0.0,0.0,0.06208164301390773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371277327196606,0.0,0.059771522117866877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687761081991689,0.0,0.17935151597979354,0.15204249791405638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060343054723503625,0.0,0.07778401671272088,0.0,0.13116909297138646,0.0,0.0,0.16127142817773682,0.05950261197056004,0.05673863424675201,0.07821357961178632,0.0,0.0,0.2509343806887732,0.15103772021288586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116040478712682,0.0,0.06986337809739368,0.08185730678830894,0.15188931794639238,0.08008465167203584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898775533238501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707846801556023,0.2176283760180777,0.2004331516820179,0.13863431082914918,0.07110231582984551,0.06264290484129811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603121773434697,0.0,0.0,0.1420625974265518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539990119275013,0.0,0.0,0.10942937170256282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444148032726967,0.0,0.0,0.0539544319798325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411907675206407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817885221950556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40489135623570816,0.05641576290736736,0.0,0.0,0.11306285175662514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728207332720059,0.05868378604964718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794135315926742,0.0,0.0,0.0566542092550055,0.0,0.08126358666987504,0.0,0.08121138278381261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106098316945406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23565288220129865,0.09091327567034382,0.13939990710946829,0.11263972216519033,0.2482003875438819,0.0,0.0,0.06778792542039133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853441063383169,0.12552992647386904,0.05631029493021875,0.0,0.0,0.0637851936170345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329294358014604,0.07204483658290699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045684190165709695
bpd,worriedatoms,2019/02/15,"Doctor says I have Borderline traits? Went to see a psychiatrist for the first time ever today. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and that I have Borderline Traits. Figured someone on here might know what Borderline Traits are? Google keeping popping up results on BPD ",6.9202127659574435,10.57597123404256,6.403659574468088,65.89400000000003,70.70212765957447,10.568510638297873,37.05957446808511,10.355215969177356,5.420935319148937,236,13,31,8,5,73,39,47,0.12300000000000001,0.877,0.0,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,9,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,2,3,0,6,6,0,8,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,4,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135439503837284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35157136253735044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24042581651096484,0.2833246928999069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857151161913196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250120244463903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237439248375456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24811549539199335,0.0,0.0,0.15340992205954707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961270533619214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198604963954136,0.0,0.0,0.2224411629746541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365173118433627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277077159072512,0.0,0.2645953204631097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587687446956957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babycallmemabel,2019/02/15,"Biased Doctors First a little back story: I reached out to my old doctor in June 2018 regarding my mental health. She had me fill out a sheet that was basically a How Depressed Am I from 1-10 to conclude that I had depression and anxiety. That was that. Onto 100mg/day of novo-sertaline. Over the next 3 months all I did was sleep and eat. I gained weight and I felt like a zombie. I was told others didnt have these side effects so I'm just not trying hard enough. Suffice to say, I quit taking the pills and only took Lorazepam as needed for panic attacks.

Following more screw ups at that doctors (taking 7 months for a referral to get an IUD just to find out they never wrote me a perscription for it because she didn't know what kind I wanted... because she never asked or even told me there were different kinds), I left that clinic and found another. 

Prior to my appointment, I had been reading a lot about BPD due to one post I saw that really resonated with me. I haven't self diagnosed myself, I'm just learning about coping methods as they seem to help. Anyhow, I had my first appointment with my doctor who took my saying ""I get paranoid everyone wants to leave me"" as ""is neglected by family"". He concluded I was depressed during our 5 minute encounter. I asked whether it were possible that I have BPD and the responses I got were ""those type of people aren't there in their head"", ""they don't know they're crazy"" and ""you're too polite to have it"". 

So 5 minutes was all it took to conclude I am depressed and too polite to have anything else. I don't feel I was accurately assessed at all and he certainly seems to have a false perception of people with BPD (I say that having read many posts in this subreddit). I guess I'm writing this to find out if anyone else had such a tough time finding a doctor to listen to them and perhaps what you did to get help beyond them?",5.079814566577301,5.688751399463808,5.751142761394102,81.51114667113497,68.51742627345843,8.790393208221628,28.678395889186767,8.841846274778883,2.1388481680071494,1484,49,289,24,24,483,202,373,0.102,0.8490000000000001,0.049,-0.9571,1,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,1,6,8,16,13,2,1,14,0,33,14,2,5,6,56,64,19,0,4,7,0,4,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,21,17,2,1,16,2,0,5,9,9,0,3,30,9,47,4,46,34,6,36,0,5,1,1,27,16,1,7,14,199,68,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267784468951253,0.06031765922238803,0.0,0.0,0.055131582595428656,0.0807879621057552,0.06488427678230044,0.0,0.1474224074350126,0.08969972630643877,0.0,0.06062839568931565,0.0,0.09612867129821596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29791471404044595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084972473831487,0.0,0.2716428621370636,0.08002793918963909,0.0,0.0823782240616517,0.0,0.4035156927214498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068005821655709,0.13173292750787707,0.0,0.0,0.0814699201259543,0.0,0.05207763083625972,0.0,0.0,0.07534158753265932,0.0,0.0,0.07432983585669979,0.0,0.03986735943461113,0.0,0.07570538449717529,0.0,0.21619390208748274,0.13413425801850293,0.0,0.08645155117906049,0.0,0.0,0.12358274579505192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306106510967678,0.0,0.08685874463964567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063133123403441,0.0,0.08091966208383275,0.08381056283933569,0.0,0.0,0.10569882402687672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421381669315255,0.08666438345355207,0.0,0.0,0.08348747771154033,0.08566738263287732,0.0,0.0,0.03852061041693386,0.07902530308528465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703281093835348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993837649868232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945912564771675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258696794444594,0.0,0.0,0.05846397392686209,0.12162317308935515,0.0,0.08385456783265287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273655332208499,0.0,0.05342869694530041,0.05996661698339373,0.0,0.0925098433233413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093250191401323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888802768057366,0.1510270611337441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386337879032899,0.1577364651227342,0.0,0.05051134022930135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810664788519665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435585047102374,0.08225450784590219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789038377566213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185661055549717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597625881947074,0.0,0.0,0.15068317506531867,0.26280540606766883,0.05353186637911839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301188360362816,0.0,0.0,0.0960142772071874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RoadRunner2804,2019/02/15,"I thought I had recovered and I’m suddenly back to where I started. To start with I was diagnosed with mild BPD about two years ago. Part of it was because of my mom and my abusive ex gets credit for the other part. 

Anyways, I was always on denial till I was finally made to see what it was doing to me. I used to be perfectly happy but come Night I used to be curled up crying because life has no meaning. No one knew because years of practice had helped me go about my day to day activities like the happiest person in the world and I thought that was a perfectly fine. I tried telling a couple of friends and they all said I was over reacting and that it’s all in my head. Finally my now boyfriend finally sat down with me and asked exactly what was going on in that head of mine and in that moment all my anxiety, my unhappiness and discontentment came out. How alone I felt in this world, how random things trigger sadness in me, how I’m terrified of being abandoned and how worthless I am. He was the first person who listened to me and he took me to a therapist, who then diagnosed me, and I went through a couple of sessions. 

After this, I was much better, I moved to a new country alone, I was able to actually be happy by myself and my boyfriend moved with me as well. I thought all was well, despite me losing my dog to cancer, which was incredibly hard because he was a rescue and I loved him more than anything in the world. 

Sorry for going a bit off topic. Coming back to today, it was Valentine’s Day and we had gone out to dinner. My boyfriend just casually mentioned about something he had told me and I said I was sure he had never told me that. He apologised and said he must have told it to someone else. At that moment, I have no idea why, but all those feelings came rushing right back. I know he wasn’t doing anything wrong, it was just the name of a movie he saw or something trivial. But I couldn’t control it, I felt like I’m alone, all over again. It just reminded me  of my old friends who were terrible to me, who I ended up cutting off because they were really just taking advantage of me. But at the end of the day, I felt exactly like had those years ago. 

I don’t know what to do. Do I go back to therapy? Is this temporary and will it pass? Also, it’s my first time on this sub, so I’m terribly sorry for the long post and thank you for reading. ",3.736311704063066,4.638197622680412,4.9847816858702245,84.73116889023653,71.74226804123711,8.180109157064889,28.69769557307459,8.4952907291091,1.956182534869618,1857,70,389,30,34,617,213,485,0.13699999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.7209,0,3,2,0,0,0,46.0,1,1,2,8,23,27,1,0,17,0,43,8,2,10,13,77,89,32,0,2,9,2,5,3,2,2,4,4,0,2,32,29,1,2,12,2,1,15,7,8,2,4,47,11,62,19,67,35,11,79,0,4,2,1,37,26,0,2,40,283,94,3,0.07051517188409216,0.0835489479564122,0.06881263582304083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501489046647604,0.0,0.0,0.21909735542631728,0.0,0.0563909574792786,0.0586742718602076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394391348281752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605595635715482,0.0,0.06592216686312705,0.0,0.0,0.2168872581482772,0.0,0.21492697141189995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062364939176818374,0.07698430442803103,0.0,0.08881139048739922,0.0,0.0,0.16130114235853374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148515347623652,0.0,0.0,0.07908876129477803,0.0,0.15604739293948652,0.07745760517729279,0.18190580916247592,0.0,0.0,0.1431428302592926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058906377799932914,0.0,0.12491102455485205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03565458964844603,0.0,0.20311686979308025,0.2317377721339545,0.0,0.11996033836383307,0.0,0.0,0.10895969375440548,0.0,0.0368412669030482,0.0,0.16030158881801335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501294233898186,0.06316774341685293,0.0,0.14473781996131924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047264833317877335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960304592091863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750658867287269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049806951283117566,0.10335045337096546,0.0,0.0,0.062403708134369226,0.0,0.0788884402558799,0.0,0.0,0.06364269572151457,0.06672316062225561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681169441277533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258651706146344,0.0,0.14989293633089573,0.051836764914473664,0.0,0.054385647679467145,0.06810399241350458,0.0,0.06617371198447389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399381096368036,0.0,0.04778290541565309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527221189942711,0.0,0.0,0.12314225638443255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753404247108928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053425429105505,0.0,0.04517382475312039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021957150066136,0.2012282288209568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619146236154099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974727630700941,0.10857204875194776,0.0,0.15787192352417626,0.0998220031983166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645971498797608,0.0,0.05301863353541776,0.0,0.06163336830870916,0.0649208962587455,0.08064024450762611,0.08187354951382915,0.04684714689173583,0.0,0.0,0.16794350956450674,0.041117963793605,0.0,0.06684013782348744,0.20214080578966104,0.0783449505528838,0.047875172971849685,0.0,0.06888307667553954,0.0,0.0,0.1218049359829904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268032161109956,0.06536827079782988,0.06362897469202645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709727079812154,0.0,0.13622837628789258
bpd,fucktimesinfinity,2019/02/15,"Roll Call Who else is spiraling today, right the fuck now? Distract me. Let's distract each other. Because fuck Valentines Day and this crippling goddamn loneliness. ",4.82,8.119325074074078,3.5604444444444496,79.15400000000002,94.55555555555556,5.122962962962963,35.02962962962963,6.742157984588678,3.2452874074074067,135,8,17,2,5,39,25,27,0.46399999999999997,0.536,0.0,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076256170890484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477890371468065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965778440540693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28452625002918835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6297554460418806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348284929795496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290869163872902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228474483856764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,starrylovesfedoras,2018/12/07,"When you're angry with your FP and they try to give you space, does it make you feel better or worse? If somebody tries to give you space does it make you feel like they're being compassionate or that they're simply abandoning you? I've been trying this strategy with my FP when he gets mad at me but I'm not sure if it actually works. It's hard to tell because the communication is very poor. I just know he's been getting mad at me a lot lately.",4.191099290780142,4.516466478723409,5.2072340425531936,85.63333333333334,70.38297872340425,8.394326241134753,24.177304964539005,8.344100000000001,1.09457304964539,355,8,80,5,6,117,62,94,0.21100000000000002,0.731,0.057,-0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,6,1,2,3,7,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,18,14,8,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,11,4,7,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,5,4,41,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.1965677876689234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227905856984282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814952116671345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35254758900937555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369932712537175,0.14390248460014568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047896926011106,0.38646231006585824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044278390120075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070131584823352,0.0,0.22722315954461125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984091062672176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124959712795249,0.0,0.0,0.2689137710692806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898465156586754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605974121064452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102756734770723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662018298905132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664430761241284,0.0,0.20527559451951816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,caffeinesardine,2018/12/07,"Remind me to never post about BPD on other subreddits ever again This subreddit is so welcoming and kind that it’s easy to forget how misunderstood BPD is. Mentioned my BPD diagnosis on another subreddit and received a gigantic paragraph on how personality disorders aren’t a real thing. Tell THAT to my brain, asshole.",6.206071428571428,9.066777464285714,7.742285714285718,59.50271428571432,69.0,11.622857142857145,36.2,11.20814326018867,5.593354285714287,262,14,36,10,5,90,43,56,0.07,0.763,0.16699999999999998,0.7909,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,2,2,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135763217629186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7615891389831172,0.22501230185068988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310100290939951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823263532939058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989809057818212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554587324964105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759980795585835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930427804186657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294241808566531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617598990870814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391029412364558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,julsmcool,2018/12/07,"Suicide is not an option No matter, how much pain
No matter if you do not have the strength to carry on
Suicide is not an option 

You have lived through every painful situation before
You have found a way to keep going before
You have found the strength to keep before 
For you suicide is not an option 

Now matter how bad you think your life will be 
No matter how bleak the situation is now
It will not get better by death
Suicide is not an option 

Even if you end up all alone
Even if everyone deserts you
You will be ok, you have been here before 
Suicide is not an option 

Your life will go to its natural end
You will not end it early 
Your life has more to show you, good and bad
For you suicide is not an option 

This pain will pass, as it has before
It will come back, as it has before
You will survive each time
You are strong, as you survived pain most people can not imagine 
Suicide is not the answer",15.246847826086954,6.211572163043478,13.319608695652175,65.11234782608697,58.34782608695652,15.589565217391305,47.12608695652173,8.238735603445708,4.425459999999998,714,19,147,4,5,227,79,184,0.268,0.632,0.1,-0.9938,0,1,0,0,0,7,6.0,0,19,0,6,9,12,0,0,11,1,30,7,0,3,1,39,39,10,8,3,14,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,5,1,0,4,14,6,0,0,3,0,19,6,14,26,5,15,0,0,0,0,19,2,0,10,8,113,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685946928904444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448746985669626,0.14004854623498314,0.0,0.0,0.4281806927771327,0.0,0.0,0.07417230813126431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224278862411496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284008750508666,0.0,0.0,0.11078487598355784,0.0,0.07066038528130142,0.08013717499412944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390860379328056,0.0,0.0,0.043816314691360665,0.0,0.09532550658015007,0.07034248649034736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908719773900134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771026091324105,0.0,0.0,0.07405486148566554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165086586332179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569556464056635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814184753056593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853689696243606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6421474829413641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537376902781886,0.0,0.0,0.04890270591914702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656860983440803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FistyAnn,2018/12/07,"Supposed to go out tonight. Just me, alone, to see Dweezil Zappa.  The thought exhausts me.

​

Anyone got a little pep to loan out?  I'd hate to skip this out of... whatever I'm feeling.",0.4933333333333323,2.9206627027027032,1.4852702702702736,95.39745495495498,97.64864864864865,3.547747747747748,27.78828828828829,5.46131890053228,0.9203909909909908,148,8,29,1,6,46,30,37,0.198,0.763,0.038,-0.743,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,8,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250651626102907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400680762964972,0.3813752601227253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945878875130265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869746523398434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837434162917004,0.0,0.2510231760966029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098725891046573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145710041205884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501064444295477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24917043904844785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813752601227253,0.0
bpd,Starryeyes-,2018/12/07,Schema Therapy? Just wondering if anyone here has done schema therapy and how you found it? I am thinking of doing it (i don't have bpd but do have cptsd and feel that they are similar). Also if anyone hasn't heard about it I would recommend reading about it because I find it extremely validating,3.936315789473685,6.154777368421055,5.21038596491228,78.01136842105265,73.56140350877193,9.472280701754386,28.94385964912281,9.888512548439397,3.2159922807017547,238,10,43,7,5,79,40,57,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.7992,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,0,13,16,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,6,0,3,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,35,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858621070236748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34727062302160866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137722336461132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127579011330261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412371266798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556108583605016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269654631609106,0.0,0.0,0.2722766391402862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24839319831596904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5679648405603464,0.0,0.0,0.15911727240943155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692989517083316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640366399789387,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lunacykill,2018/12/07,"Is anyone else really bad at hiding the fact that they don’t like someone? I’ve been in social situations where new people i meet will say things that rub me the wrong way/are just straight up unacceptable and can’t “keep the peace” for the sake of the group. I know that sounds bad, but I feel restless if i don’t say anything or tell the person that what they said made me uncomfortable or upset. Even if i don’t end up saying anything, i’ll still be generally dismissive of the person and unable to “conceal” my facial expressions.",10.804142857142857,6.92745700952381,10.15607142857143,69.0026785714286,59.85714285714286,13.166666666666664,37.67857142857143,10.686352973137794,3.7014285714285697,426,12,83,7,4,138,74,105,0.18600000000000005,0.763,0.051,-0.927,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,2,7,0,8,1,1,1,1,15,13,7,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,2,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,7,10,1,8,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,4,4,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852968026258496,0.1883430594531768,0.3025327754545407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069603711065942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535561855433263,0.0,0.16280801145248566,0.0,0.0,0.1214099237697632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929438031671704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338570722619378,0.0,0.0,0.10102145604253623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980409245169453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393284760007624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753237740754968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274361182218928,0.3210052268671886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177583900855598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485282236802185,0.43853787919296333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661890970924876,0.0,0.18737909914522213,0.15574822606590433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679713312772233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606648599548263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212037896329525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590601422262894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097590892057712,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jeni65,2018/12/07,Can somebody give me a punishment I am a really bad person. I never make anybody happy because i'm annoying and boring. I just make everybody hate me and it's all my fault for being so worthless and not good enough. I only deserve death and punishments because of how pathetic i am. ,3.4238181818181843,5.670285563636366,5.6490909090909085,74.15363636363638,75.18181818181819,8.763636363636364,31.0,9.3871,3.4692909090909088,226,11,37,6,5,79,42,55,0.527,0.473,0.0,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,2,11,9,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,8,2,2,8,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504859671045365,0.3657522379900076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099783364579591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877856107644277,0.0,0.2516242578842442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193536636668911,0.0,0.2961861149078677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005022577076157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231377107100945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816215048187086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619468578552013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218652960913796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,charlock_holmes,2018/12/07,"The fucking hardest day I had 2 anxiety attacks today at work, got triggered by stuff as stupid as a friend advising me not to use a nickname we use a lot between colleagues because it could cause problems (I still don't understand why), my shoulder is stuck because I stress too much and my train arrived in my town 1h30 late... 

I just want to lay down and cry and take my anti-anxiety meds so I just stop caring. I don't even want to eat because food isn't appealing...

It feels like such a step back cause I haven't needed my evening meds for months, I feel weak and stupid. I'm disappointed in me. I feel I disappoint the friend I was supposed to see tonight.

I really could use a hug right now, but there's nobody with me... ",4.1832653061224505,4.98587810884354,4.832795918367349,86.59613265306123,70.63265306122447,8.05687074829932,30.346258503401362,8.238735603445708,1.995833197278912,570,23,120,8,10,183,97,147,0.162,0.747,0.091,-0.7861,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,1,11,14,4,1,7,0,9,6,1,6,0,28,26,8,0,6,4,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,4,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,4,4,21,5,14,20,2,16,0,2,1,2,4,6,1,1,10,73,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538334087285426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271505643374728,0.0,0.10322070367919044,0.0,0.2454906397159389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368645446610906,0.27579872080488577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435617282492886,0.0,0.14745409352243366,0.08657237767396454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735894356608652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732581044730303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362423487631404,0.09589962400962528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623210716434149,0.0,0.20742382670188528,0.12410082907954452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736235787494501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142626360591174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558188565244462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412431148776585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29821621908960033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714745736230022,0.0,0.09868034473960163,0.09953574492613568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284475965636148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599627324736056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463848265918915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697027267052624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720260665255817,0.11222894365698703,0.1537691273341176,0.0,0.15367034574777338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093023828801473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272418881414911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397464484228006,0.0,0.3478154865649368,0.0,0.0,0.15835405121540042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211288777067062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772683218263202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ujimushi,2018/12/07,"why does it hurt so much tw for miscarriage talk, throwaway for obvious reasons 

i don’t want kids. i never have. i don’t want to pass on my bpd and just have a lot of other reasons to not do it. 

but i recently had a miscarriage and despite this solidifying my stance on kids and everything, i still feel broken. i feel like i’m somewhat mourning, even though i didn’t really know i was pregnant and would’ve gotten an abortion anyway. 

does anyone else here have a problem with holding onto things even if it’s not something you want? you hate the idea of it, it makes you anxious and sick, you’re traumatized, but you still can’t seem to let go no matter how unhealthy or minuscule it was. i don’t want kids and pregnancy scares me but im still holding onto something. i don’t even know what. but it’s like this with old relationships and situations in life and jobs and places i’ve lived. even if it’s bad i can’t let go. maybe it’s for selfish reasons, but i don’t think im selfish, my bpd is. 

how do you stop holding onto shit that only makes you want to throw up?",1.5802385849444676,3.709033484162898,3.2245598519127943,89.83614870423695,80.67420814479637,6.190127519539285,23.620115178938715,7.348242739294969,0.9673601809954748,844,30,179,12,22,279,114,221,0.253,0.687,0.06,-0.9949,1,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,6,0,0,14,11,2,1,5,0,19,3,1,7,2,51,37,21,1,8,11,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,15,11,0,4,10,0,0,4,12,9,0,0,5,2,22,2,18,30,3,19,0,2,0,0,11,8,1,6,9,117,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130825334267685,0.0,0.07508223239146357,0.11002297158362394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965738447069127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270481403935801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879370213366868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970178082258032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836925476664343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650575696873666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858858770187664,0.07671192531678497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220524714191576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601501028635507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149519592341937,0.12121836793733685,0.23197653975098406,0.0,0.10655756962687858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180259131371651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960559655299566,0.07584530562400725,0.1049203845428908,0.0,0.09481805226315997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129019795531526,0.0,0.0,0.14335327968965994,0.0,0.10787712515314124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893627648779031,0.0,0.08281767832689912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267670600685036,0.0,0.0,0.08166693681037883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218870694101643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274766493056914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879004750019907,0.33121198286259884,0.10602428677217847,0.1152853809049502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750559667558804,0.0,0.0,0.09775424996886266,0.0,0.0,0.11022349794792184,0.0,0.12069903981373707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653319468001106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572601855395277,0.08977405733449338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630756232989906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133815827070762,0.06880443799472992,0.10549979851087077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166760108784915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689328312079933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627930505467129,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DJT_MAGA_2020g,2018/12/07,"Gabapentin... Has Gabapentin worked well for you mental health problems? Also, did you have any withdrawal symptoms when going off of it? Thank you!",4.727499999999999,8.177250083333337,1.9916666666666671,91.47,89.83333333333334,4.066666666666666,26.83333333333333,5.985473137389443,1.1840333333333333,118,5,18,1,4,31,21,24,0.09300000000000001,0.688,0.21899999999999997,0.3923,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872167226762015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442382252616573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411648887596975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817657662542469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36194452060827503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34366354670210314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37330034143958135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306623595368165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32292415117782985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614696627601842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lcalafiore,2018/12/07,"My analogy for my BPD I know BPD is different with everyone but to me my life feels like I’m driving on an icy road. When the road is straight everything is fine but deep down I know that a turn is around the corner so I can never get too comfortable. Then when the turn comes no matter how prepared I am for it, I manage to skid off the road and spiral out of control while trying to correct it. ",1.4058132530120488,3.379140831325305,3.0996234939759044,91.31883283132534,80.44578313253012,6.559638554216868,22.423192771084338,7.645422480735847,0.9089771084337356,311,10,68,5,8,103,59,83,0.073,0.7959999999999999,0.13,0.4492,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,2,2,15,14,9,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,12,14,0,18,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,6,48,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955550923328985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5533396306867663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922840186812395,0.0,0.0,0.2463813803958823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295110006183725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099064812304797,0.19742747243689326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107301304531736,0.15693407312443408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147698111148122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145251479945845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551611785232906,0.10732088415264304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942496923233466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914320328689706,0.4778811843876392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bellewallace,2018/12/07,"Fuck IMGUR Posted my engagement photos on IMGUR less than half and hour ago. Worst idea ever. Ive been having a very very hard time the past month and a half but getting through it. I already have people commenting on my weight and downvoting my post, that  I only put on IMGUR to get on a different sub reddit. Why the fuck does everyone have to be so mean. I feel like I'm about to spiral. ",3.456751054852319,4.801608367088608,4.332341772151898,87.45311181434599,72.92405063291139,7.79831223628692,23.29324894514768,8.344100000000001,1.2154540084388188,307,8,64,5,6,99,57,79,0.135,0.7959999999999999,0.069,-0.6586,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,1,8,13,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,1,3,7,2,10,11,2,13,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,7,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675574017465582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859147782927612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748870596365198,0.0,0.0,0.16541521940331785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098204082127155,0.0,0.1806194876929686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557566109991328,0.13503800227198626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34949726262778474,0.19751333417299055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932739646657366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186149487275142,0.0,0.0,0.21338385364898302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234704426836016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590135929458048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087628069611222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376043819790665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044375277532929,0.13104468326045704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620633876068348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900202296500648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022077694357578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31192738811600296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23017897721965794,0.0,0.0,0.17056377260999075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thowawaybfofbpd,2018/12/07,"My girlfriend has uBPD, showing a lot of the behavior daily, but does nothing to help herself. Hello there pwBPD or people relative to BPD's

As stated in the title, my girlfriend has BPD. We have been together for 2 years and lived together from just a few months in. I love her with all of my heart and thinks she's an amazing person, on her good days, on the bad ones i still love her but have a hard time helping her. I think that from the beginning of the relationship i have thought that i could help her, back then we didnt know she had it and thought it was post effects of a bad trip. i've been through the love bombing/honeymoon phase with her, which lasted really long. in the latest year her fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment has been tough. I myself have ADHD and some traits of autism and have a hard time figuring out other peoples feelings or what they want from the things they say to me. She hasn't tried to help herself, she follows some BPD IG accounts and shows me and tell me she relates, but thats practically it. I have read a lot about it since, mostly when she's asleep, to avoid conflict and the fear of abandonment cycle. I have told her about some tools i read about that seems to have helped a lot, including DBT, but it's as if she's too busy being depressed and that the world is harsh on her, that i dont really know what to do anymore.

​

I hope some of you can give me some insight in her BPD thoughtprocess and maybe some tools, to help her through the hard times of the day. I am not the best at listening, since i often get annoyed when i don't understand her, which is unfair, and am in desperate need of help, since i love her and don't want the relationship to crumble.

​

Sorry for the long messy post, i can explain further if needed. English isn't my first language and furthermore it's my first time posting on reddit.

TL;DR Need some help pls :)",7.310842105263156,6.115449663157892,6.897894736842108,81.23026315789474,64.21052631578948,10.210526315789474,33.421052631578945,9.134995656068208,2.6028157894736843,1512,51,311,21,19,473,181,380,0.203,0.6890000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9899,0,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,2,1,2,4,11,19,1,4,23,0,31,6,2,1,1,66,57,27,0,9,10,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,18,19,0,4,13,4,1,2,7,11,0,3,9,6,53,8,45,46,14,40,0,3,0,4,51,13,0,18,21,219,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739349846735428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758091577905992,0.17672185934094772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211720602590138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055916033256854784,0.1214338101068534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631357309974891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36634559034802416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580598003174979,0.0,0.0,0.09379482558436207,0.0,0.06263233234423192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363644415844877,0.0,0.08522553341270891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454855681527737,0.036768655522935914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370862773081585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03799241178044964,0.06975820564524435,0.0,0.060992822678647834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542446182297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861717655399541,0.3899333896139249,0.0,0.0,0.07222587250070872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992836512128945,0.05927527823465279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642117624844956,0.1287071577808193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546798953431487,0.26252511989152955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305550127330636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804320815210315,0.0,0.0,0.16175952571008292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977535624110777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492759335175731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008276952827766,0.06349498409545704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089326480692532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547634535505022,0.0,0.09317065866572667,0.0,0.0,0.15614489688224611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057828665151576336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620018584044927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046046911732647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140240050493344,0.0,0.0,0.05807308325892027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355916897110972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483109362154638,0.09319014944822628,0.0,0.11546072303502862,0.16961095459950196,0.0,0.0,0.06948563731899679,0.0,0.049371084072471816,0.0,0.0,0.07570251683056485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578250368877413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672185934094772,0.09365665195919072
bpd,sadie_marie,2018/12/07,"best friend betrayal here is a very short backstory: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9ul9nx/my_best_friend_and_i_made_plans_today/?st=JPE7W8YU&sh=cbd0a991

I didn’t receive any support/advice last time so I hope to receive some this time. 

I haven’t spoken with her or her grandmother in over a month. I started therapy the same week I cut her off,  and I’ve been having severe panic attacks in the middle of the night where it feels like I’m on fire. My therapist recommended I take Xanax. 

I don’t know what to do.  I feel really lost without my best friend. I feel lost without any friends at all. ",6.983465346534654,10.436151950495052,4.822267326732675,78.47854950495051,69.09900990099011,7.2083168316831685,24.951485148514852,8.238735603445708,1.6825318811881185,501,15,80,8,10,141,72,101,0.215,0.588,0.19699999999999998,0.0003,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,3,12,2,1,5,0,7,1,0,0,1,13,17,3,0,1,3,0,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,4,14,7,12,13,5,18,0,2,0,0,8,9,0,3,8,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007364171163107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664005873336804,0.0,0.20887521760914107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747159791937073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223391188596564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934248227319788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329593978143134,0.10971542102280524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559595678051031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253658789058153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440188861099894,0.1251857315824058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502995209976264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33529481821617224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225836755611048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441215866553731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018948916384625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838534220717464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734982668479675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087025727635966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427733030215578,0.0,0.0,0.11547077167466427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756286543128054,0.1783147039387611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791039373267418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267170875601397,0.0,0.0,0.12319018504724903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29608544535755915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,I_hate_myself20,2018/12/07,"Sudden personality shift and I'm feeling scared So two weeks ago I just became so confident and dgaf type of person. My self image has become positively super inflated and I'm scared of rejection anymore. 
This confidence has allowed me to make many more friends and be social. I'm not scared to talk to a pretty girl anymore or someone I see is interesting. 
Before I was super shy, introverted and would keep to myself but one day boop, it's all gone. If I reflect on it, it maybe because I began hanging out with a few people who were super social and weren't scared of rejection, unlike my friends who I detached from for the past 2 weeks. 
I'm just scared this might go away and I'll just be in turmoil if I get triggered by something.",4.952344827586206,6.043054200000004,6.015344827586207,77.7616379310345,69.06896551724138,8.282758620689657,30.36206896551724,8.548686976883017,2.3721586206896554,589,23,108,9,10,196,96,145,0.166,0.6559999999999999,0.179,0.2719,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,5,14,0,6,3,0,10,0,0,3,1,26,22,13,0,3,8,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,7,9,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,8,0,2,5,2,11,6,15,13,3,14,0,2,1,0,11,4,0,4,7,68,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556643777007368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585869233182352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248828315802128,0.0,0.0,0.07947323514535858,0.1439850405903915,0.11093651460605068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407880971678122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659197300489512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144934128613226,0.0,0.06811370970346152,0.0,0.07409310810678454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158801485112024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087023965397893,0.13217620314150516,0.1309756599482709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830352218651296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883430788858259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445431540917888,0.09038315869820836,0.2276706695693053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263464953561568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6526229009499971,0.0,0.10388917854478867,0.0,0.1360058712040982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26579458149032725,0.1104633194254085,0.10036632331430992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478764537558584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273539778234603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915225105795804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261214836554377,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spiderbendy,2018/12/07,"I’m thankful I just recently joined Reddit and this subreddit and I’m extremely grateful for its existence and seeing all you strong people talk about your experiences. It’s rather comforting to know I’m not alone, since I’ve been dealing with this myself for 23 years. So I just wanted to openly say you guys are amazing. 🌸",3.792150537634409,6.372695741935487,4.617419354838713,80.36279569892473,75.45161290322581,8.004301075268819,26.46236559139785,8.841846274778883,2.391120430107528,264,10,46,6,6,85,48,62,0.0,0.721,0.27899999999999997,0.9554,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,9,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,4,6,8,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268908017097489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253940120997245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30874038680311056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31251692815198706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345844403117655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188136228291451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116401699285183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25099650824512026,0.0,0.0,0.2515110985004745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108705492913964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253686246891725,0.0,0.2905837514712553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861629421842149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325121247455066
bpd,ViolentSupernova634,2018/12/07,"It wasn't even my fault I've think I've been crying for almost 12 hours straight.

​

I'm trying to get my life together and transfer out of CC to a good school in NYC. Besides transcripts and other necessities, the schools needed a college report to make sure I was in good standing (I am). I sent 3 requests to my school at different times to send college reports. Somehow they never did it or the schools never got it or I don't even know. I called so many times to figure it out and they just told me to wait for them to process or some shit.

​

My top schools never even looked at my applications and told me to try again next year because they never got the report.

​

I got everything in. I made sure they sent them, I did this whole process myself and made it until the very end then still manage to fuck up somehow. I'm 20 and just want to get on with my life before it's too late. This was my opportunity to get out of my shitty household and be free. I've been so full of anger that I want to just tear myself apart. I don't even know what to do anymore. I hate crying but that's all I can do because I feel so hopeless.If I was rejected because I didn't have the marks I'd be fine, but being rejected because my school didn't send in a paper I have been hounding them to do for months just makes me feel so useless. 

​

I've been diagnosed with BPD for almost two years and normally have a good hold on it. I meditate to hold back my anger, I take medication, I listen to positive affirmations, go to therapy, all that shit but I feel such strong urges of anger  and waves of wanting to hurt myself I feel like just laying in my bed screaming. I didn't realize how much of my sanity relied on these applications because now i feel like i've lost it entirely. 

​

I know it's just being dramatic but I've really been wanting to just end it all over this. It's been such a tough two years and I feel like this is just the cherry on top of the shit cake. I don't even know what I should do. What I can do. ",3.15742924528302,4.390059459905661,4.299669811320759,87.83577830188679,73.50471698113208,7.281132075471697,25.75,7.756953410329674,1.2438669811320748,1617,53,347,21,32,529,175,424,0.14400000000000002,0.753,0.102,-0.9809,1,2,0,0,0,3,51.0,0,0,7,5,27,28,8,0,12,0,35,8,3,5,9,72,75,24,0,7,15,0,6,3,0,1,4,2,1,0,23,15,0,3,13,0,1,5,11,16,0,2,25,9,53,13,50,45,7,48,0,5,1,1,16,21,4,8,24,231,76,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887235286840253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215594716334156,0.3606184634402368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058864921683488815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045640882389896685,0.0,0.1809134701296446,0.0,0.050507343220041946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747564474321937,0.0,0.06060882319380756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039893549423634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024480309815946,0.0,0.06201409080908572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514309470428954,0.0,0.0,0.1960194556625102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533450909582662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180072203045757,0.12721120777074368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487340371280625,0.09303273659353084,0.0,0.03373322169601434,0.14935427735278728,0.1424165668576111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586014818628822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845342472429825,0.0,0.06354152243130419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304813986128131,0.0,0.06695583387475232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384939622992382,0.08699461512897004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498438529713683,0.0,0.06479377646114334,0.0,0.0,0.1123276287465666,0.07924080370343105,0.060177380561277125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059794640112259635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047377166842887085,0.0,0.04363328138560838,0.04401151189478255,0.18311515176165347,0.0,0.06312547816567374,0.0,0.058156000027125725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038024792055777086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604269253580386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278337091356006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047401552089071534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118841212279437,0.0,0.0446281121043764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787843503372375,0.0,0.0,0.0380327466303413,0.0,0.0,0.06922159155455627,0.0,0.0,0.11343386202291328,0.0,0.08059727095670359,0.0,0.11596382113155534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048974682572549236,0.14003815842892445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626853806395185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606184634402368,0.1146694066476064
bpd,sproutinglife,2018/12/07,"Has anyone done dbt-pe (prolonged exposure)? If you have, would you be able to explain what it was like? Or just anything about the experience?

I’m meant to start at the end of January and I’m super nervous",1.2802439024390253,3.82357312195122,3.1494634146341483,87.08760975609756,86.07317073170731,6.206829268292682,25.27317073170732,7.554174236665415,1.5740887804878052,162,7,32,3,5,54,36,41,0.048,0.795,0.158,0.7041,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,11,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,21,4,0,0.4016431250053884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28083821167157325,0.0,0.3305180696673044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110203643950351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557365947593584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39288404552850426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962225430997528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28428507112463325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853157522996061,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kainequinn,2018/12/07,"lamotrigine stopped working? At first lamotrigine seemed to stabilize my moods perfectly. If I skipped a dose for a few days I was an emotional mess. 

But now it's not working anymore. My moods swing like hell and I'm in immense emotional pain. Even though I'm at 200mg. It was mainly prescribed to me for my bipolar but I feel like there's a depressive episode incoming. My depressive episodes are very severe and I'm afraid I'll become unable to do anything again. I'm crying as I type this. I'm so scared.

Anyone else experienced something similiar?",2.2814285714285703,5.173593857142858,3.630238095238095,82.39392857142856,86.61904761904762,7.19047619047619,29.404761904761905,8.192908349453996,2.755761904761905,445,23,80,11,14,145,72,105,0.25,0.66,0.09,-0.9648,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,6,12,1,2,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,10,11,8,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,2,2,9,3,9,9,2,8,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,7,44,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104962343226506,0.13470013491413002,0.1973850356326459,0.1585283865423865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275853729710886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116087714861421,0.12423849380237675,0.0,0.3318454545993464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092811300337734,0.43339383061114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723857305402458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740585054341444,0.13762386067343965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386163611778126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823081710576053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204985232365898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286877753880116,0.0,0.0,0.17537452257123431,0.0,0.2176312234066422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830562990907195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105777957822093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927030590586855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895026096373285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28049210985455497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Agdaynee,2018/12/07,"Can someone just please love me?? Please, it's all I want and no matter what I do I can't get any real affection from anyone, I can't get a relationship, and everyone always talks about having sex to fill the void but I can't get that either, I don't wanna turn to drugs, I just wanna feel better.

I want a relationship, I need one already. I'm a guy, I'm 20, in the UK, I really hope there's anyone who will want me, I have no idea what to do anymore because I've made progress in every area of my life and gotten healthy in regards to every other aspect, but I'm a complete failure with this and it's the only thing I been care about",2.4378832116788303,3.284257642335767,4.567598540145987,86.71636131386866,74.76642335766422,6.93985401459854,23.189051094890512,7.1686216300943375,0.7508954744525544,495,13,109,5,10,172,82,137,0.065,0.691,0.244,0.9657,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,7,0,11,4,0,2,1,24,28,6,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,1,15,4,14,24,2,5,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,0,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295958916275667,0.0,0.13041503462795245,0.0,0.0,0.1065843237703672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155437763132406,0.21918376271606602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554343847996992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386182639248203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980050259407494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643323535663099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176138886290413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26410988636402755,0.1497658135953763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924929268361391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456607443043777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155191052894431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556719773331818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693332462652495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070568190051562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145832752918286,0.14830526271838268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621608872231193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062068444454408,0.11920307860764386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440931797034933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839731944705114,0.10040765283788228,0.0,0.0,0.33654678035085706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279999668455886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597665026585872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412693827138846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048131139684022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27733687750933145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,narupoke,2018/12/07,***TRIGGER WARNING***- self harm Addiction is real af eh. So I used to self harm basically daily/weekly from the ages of 14-almost 16. I stopped for a while and self harmed once again when I was 17. Then once more at the age of 19. Now I’m 21 and I haven’t self harmed since then but on really stressful nights that’s all I want to do and I can’t believe I still have these feelings of self harm it just makes me so sad that addiction follows you around for this long. Does the feeling ever go away? Or am I doomed to fight it until I die? ,0.1535903919089776,2.439862823008852,1.6552022756005051,97.57170353982302,88.91150442477877,4.644500632111252,18.690897597977248,6.1826913282559595,-0.2412093552465233,421,12,96,4,14,135,80,113,0.312,0.6629999999999999,0.025,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,9,9,1,1,4,0,7,2,0,3,2,17,15,12,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,9,0,0,1,2,11,0,14,14,2,20,1,2,0,0,7,4,0,1,14,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985368805350557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711058978278445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189226294626325,0.0,0.0,0.1286455270228869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426756495044647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421065126983001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982397366750842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385648449331232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384667691425377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781762218729274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117429948119746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139848811327132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284948191944523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916412722123653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558506051665364,0.08771764904673915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7142130874953124,0.0,0.0,0.11326575929614735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934846676664957,0.11447541528076627,0.1568471032101552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825922074462435,0.0,0.0,0.08076190144709662,0.0,0.10983296063780353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bleepbloopbroke,2018/12/07,Can't handle living right now So basically through conversations with the people I feel closest with (mainly one if I'm being honest) I realize that I'm going to hurt people if I stay alive just by being my old shitty self. But the same people I'm hurting right now claim that it would hurt them if I killed myself? Wtf is this logic? If I'm going to hurt them either way wouldn't it be better if I'm just not around? Because at least that way there's one less person hurting (me),3.815367965367969,4.795076020202021,5.182279942279943,83.09818181818184,71.62626262626263,6.8692640692640685,22.223665223665233,6.868970318607317,0.6468574314574314,382,8,75,3,7,128,62,99,0.27699999999999997,0.7,0.024,-0.9815,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,7,8,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,19,15,7,1,7,10,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,0,1,9,2,8,10,5,13,0,5,0,0,5,5,0,5,3,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546876330170173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591727868414521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465224406632565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126479508529396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602018140105094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7544096477217839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559320644180224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445486598411686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789551157087805,0.0,0.19101265764672254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931354821541129,0.12306561026372374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407283587012693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470338324286137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022601995919074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374729354652464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012155345263472,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sovietvictoria,2018/12/07,"Feeling used, again Knowing I let it happen over and over hurts so much more. Why is it always the people that treat us like we are nothing the ones that we let into our lives and minds?

I'm sorry, I just needed to spit it out somewhere.",1.2526530612244926,3.379523244897964,2.440163265306122,95.02269387755103,81.85714285714286,3.92,17.963265306122448,3.1291,-0.7803175510204081,185,4,39,0,5,59,39,49,0.084,0.787,0.129,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,0,12,10,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,2,5,8,2,5,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416809038867464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406680562578826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698051215001365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626744243468188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348493274836262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018163591311708,0.0,0.1198757367671412,0.0,0.21666683597075634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24775447393667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803757075968474,0.1819392754414035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354398178860694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626954613394726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010915811894775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746724256647971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951507573911599,0.21192151509619025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140890452312095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MurdBird,2018/12/07,"my block and physical eruption or something whenever i try to explain how i feel to someone, like right now, my head just kills me. its like i try to explain and then i just stop myself and scream or slam my fist or do whatever random punching/kicking i decide to do. recently ive been feeling like a child, i have tantrums by myself and to my closest friend, which is actually my ex that i miss so so much that i keep ruining anything i build up with her. i share too much with her, nothing is private about me to her and i wish it wasnt that way but i cant stop myself. i feel so many multiple things at once and its just painful. another issue recently is school, i hate it, i half-ass all of my work and i dont have anything above a C+ currently. sometimes i want a professional job and a family but i dont think i could handle it and its responsibilities, i cant even handle being in yearbook at all either. othertimes i just want to stop trying completely and live my life alone. i cant do good work, i cant even just do my work when i need to. i dont know why im posting this, just wanted to know how others compare to me, i guess",2.0646234309623424,3.5943505564853595,4.079705020920503,87.09738179916323,76.90794979079497,7.290460251046027,25.757531380753136,8.07648339933343,1.4740023430962346,889,33,194,15,20,304,123,239,0.153,0.78,0.067,-0.9646,2,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,17,13,3,0,4,0,21,3,1,2,2,50,38,22,1,6,12,1,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,13,12,0,5,9,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,4,44,6,19,34,5,17,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,5,12,137,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.11081150902965364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760683334202075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907039463316757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868891592655701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190583333109226,0.0,0.0,0.09066296253606493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992503918714251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000158938638689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704781821191424,0.0,0.17224767670305385,0.0811224039338346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773089378078883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952430075068058,0.0,0.0,0.12509161360487225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211024168647167,0.11653830762144585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226569042762311,0.11852000246821295,0.11268399495623076,0.10093127071483927,0.12562975303289148,0.0,0.12481169988413553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020595877248304,0.1664290222276426,0.0,0.1002695252941133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512508667561099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694928408671442,0.08419823319581185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895732459006777,0.0,0.0,0.12093041500229655,0.0,0.0,0.12082857390489242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875254330235047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242401030299118,0.0,0.0,0.09697378266787818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492186553333412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962132284107994,0.08741877430464635,0.11230698396565436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848065921352064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543967730224488,0.0727602832075925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312854361098321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092979675236536,0.09013321709982736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246406956078603,0.0,0.13058053600219993,0.0,0.0,0.2480041701111728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sorry_stupidquestion,2018/12/07,"regressing into reacting and I'm just watching the cycle happen again I've been active in r/Anxiety on my other account but it just occurred to me that r/BPD exists. I'm sorry for writing so much and if it doesn't match with the subeddit. I've been having a hard time and I know it's been taxing on my boyfriend to support me. I want to give him space but I feel like I have so much to say.

I know that I've been depressed for a long fucking time. But then I got diagnosed with anxiety... and PTSD.... and now BPD. It feels like a list of things wrong with me. When I read the possible causes of BPD, I get so upset that I'm like this because my parents didn't want to be parents. I remember and realize how neglectful, abusive, and manipulative they were.

All of my relationships, and there were so many, ended because I couldn't stop fighting. I was tired of losing people. I went to therapy for a year before I moved for graduate school. In that time, i learned who I was without the obstruction of my mental illness, and I really liked that person. She was confident and she enjoyed time alone; she was genuinely compassionate and was emotionally stable. One of the things that was helpful was not being in a relationship; it was a goal I set with my therapist. But since I was doing so well, I guess I ""accidentally"" found myself in another relationship. And then I moved across the country alone.

This became my second long distance relationship in a year and to tell you the truth, I think I do better with these. I feel like I lose myself; I'm always trying to make them happy at the cost of my own happiness. The distance gives me the space to be myself while still having emotional intimacy and support. And my boyfriend is great. I don't know why I was so resistant to dating depressed people. Probably because that's too much depression in one relationship. But he gets it, or I think he does, in a way no one else has. But I lost my stability, my support, my therapist, and I'm in a new place that I don't like. And I'm here because I didn't do well enough to go a better school. So... I've been regressing 

I don't want to be like this. I don't *enjoy* feeling so insecure and worthless. I don't *want* to start fights but I get so scared... I feel like a trapped animal seeing a predator coming and I'd rather chew my arm off and escape. I can't help but think he's going to leave me. Everyone else did. Even the ones I warned, but no one believes how bad it gets. They say they can handle it, and when I'm good, it's so *good.* But when I'm bad, it's terrible. ""I thought I could but I can't."" What can you say to that? 

I want to believe and trust that this person I love loves me back. I want to be stable, supportive, and available to my partner. I feel so selfish. I've recently gotten a new therapist and I asked her how can my boyfriend help -- himself and me when I'm having an episode. She said he should read about BPD and really understand it. He's been busy so i started reading up on what it's like to be in a relationship with a person with BPD. Some were written compassionately, some with more criticism. But I identified with all of it. Maybe not in this relationship, but definitely before, and I'm afraid it's going to happen again. And then what?? I'll feel better once the threat of abandonment is gone, so I'm going to attract another person, and it'll be great until it's not, and we'll break up - again and again and again. I'm afraid to take this relationship more seriously because it's happened so many fucking times and I look like a goddamn goon. 

I know I'll get better. I was better for a bit, and honestly, it sucks to know how good it used to be. But at least I know what I'm working for, I just don't know how long it's going to take until that's my new normal.",2.1102984530729003,4.073013063389396,3.9670524570449888,86.01230927609646,78.13324708926262,7.200983911229343,24.21203286992329,8.15712126957752,1.4360462037425066,2970,103,618,55,71,1003,281,773,0.153,0.647,0.2,0.9901,2,3,0,0,3,0,112.0,1,2,4,10,42,64,6,5,30,0,58,9,1,10,3,122,139,79,0,12,24,2,8,10,1,3,3,4,0,5,46,45,1,3,23,3,3,10,18,26,2,6,32,15,93,38,73,94,13,73,0,9,3,4,53,23,3,5,47,416,139,10,0.0,0.05346148833795791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934643383589728,0.0,0.0,0.037544624768095794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462745774445128,0.06903550486524407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042182424089943306,0.0,0.0,0.034695576382945605,0.07534897932907181,0.13752795285518668,0.0,0.07678998708309512,0.10167274730016278,0.0,0.1995310862704312,0.04926088950314676,0.0,0.2841441593792996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635211368905701,0.0,0.03886809633553491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036025771489206423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658900377871148,0.04579727775005537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948604685343704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538629047550467,0.1015110181651648,0.03996417337298788,0.04662247457655647,0.0,0.02980226341104899,0.0,0.0,0.043115437499732887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970317193888087,0.12893896713833425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049473293219365416,0.0,0.08342802637537654,0.11787036276749095,0.08656912915063036,0.12821767554783162,0.11353708488248627,0.036087710658130934,0.09949301981051506,0.04970631623859169,0.0,0.11970213212779413,0.09606515239337783,0.04041991743303596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073178287789414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358281471287929,0.0,0.0,0.04777705441529079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044040021892652,0.0,0.0,0.11979307446497404,0.037890617302597115,0.10095862442073346,0.0492553452657336,0.0,0.08144766195947832,0.0,0.030118889179791487,0.09149204811393227,0.04533051750969208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0454717650349812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591382852333606,0.09950827643209996,0.0,0.0,0.13073560656020858,0.0,0.0,0.04420939814069827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805282526736996,0.15287716381332528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020396421173483,0.0,0.0,0.06256300383702706,0.1575930867984294,0.04714226613992572,0.0,0.0,0.050867606158086304,0.0,0.0,0.04864850773557952,0.0,0.05274450953451111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354008508344739,0.0,0.0578118567448592,0.0,0.04455194538375129,0.3875480345109062,0.05111375761696022,0.0,0.04292079023341693,0.10764706035246173,0.045174399350877914,0.09133054449153452,0.035955919053601536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03732489368836999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050972037841783,0.06387432744985061,0.0,0.036034013477807325,0.03772351619623091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481294931289085,0.0,0.0,0.06785136444631107,0.0,0.039438098045042266,0.0,0.051600260646772825,0.1571682918666194,0.059953314996276263,0.08673592599460764,0.0,0.035821356612424464,0.13155327479283238,0.05186041908888556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030634473133612027,0.0,0.0,0.04697297540780215,0.0,0.038970407909610184,0.0,0.0,0.15968264748229324,0.03581527221255028,0.0,0.0,0.08113912652580885,0.04182799583250105,0.04071505113659445,0.0,0.0,0.0434954256580326,0.0,0.032848921289996856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933317467758519,0.0,0.058113412782597525
bpd,the_dingo_warrior,2018/12/07,"Can you get better in what you perceive to be a toxic environment? I don't think my therapist wants to label me as BPD but it is pretty alarming the symptoms I have.  I have a hard time getting through a year of work in the education field.  I use up all my sick days each time.  Took a new job recently where there isn't a lot of 'forced' collaboration with people.  At my last job I had a lot of friendly co-workers who liked my quirkiness.  However, at this new job, I have not made any friends.  In fact, people basically ignore me.  I have pretty poor social skills as it is.   Then there are the students and there are some a-holes who mutter things loudly underneath their breath so you can hear.  They really get to me.  Basically, the new guy is a giant weirdo with no connections to anyone.  

​

Basically at this point, I have extreme anxiety when I enter the building.  I can't relax afterwards anymore because I know I have to go back in soon the next day.  My counselor wants me to use DBT skills to do the opposite reaction I would normally do.  I got myself all psyched up, wasn't going to give a damn about what people thought, etc......and the minute I start getting ready it hits me hard.  

​

So I guess I'm wondering if the environment is too toxic and to overcome or if I just need to suck it up.  I haven't had any experience applying DBT skills in real life situations.  As a side note, I have other smaller streams of income that I could ramp up that involve far less social interaction.  I'm leaning strongly towards quitting but my wife tells me I'll just do the same thing the next time this comes up.  I feel so empty and trapped right now.",3.712865208186308,5.38407575229358,4.903990825688076,82.30428546224418,72.82262996941895,7.966549047282992,28.173253352152443,8.617729084823388,2.1008890613973183,1309,51,257,24,26,432,181,327,0.141,0.7859999999999999,0.073,-0.9674,5,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,3,2,7,15,10,2,1,20,0,28,4,1,3,3,40,56,16,0,8,8,1,3,1,2,1,3,2,0,1,16,7,0,1,6,1,1,5,7,4,0,0,7,5,39,6,36,45,8,46,0,0,0,0,18,21,2,8,21,172,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384047544507972,0.2286004472781735,0.1279359176201776,0.0,0.0719600673321489,0.0,0.09328798155165922,0.06577298334916895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233078160340774,0.0,0.057341628872445524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319354182114896,0.0,0.0,0.11847256208748495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102934380901927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510387436482867,0.0,0.0,0.12132929769370805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490821438757512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201438661388583,0.0,0.0,0.047562486778412134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534998284013664,0.0,0.19658195898519365,0.09023647143197916,0.10691950564977984,0.0,0.07523300058111418,0.0,0.10362406620605218,0.09313991521523612,0.0,0.0,0.16852893221936946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601897512211778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800373282558433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051696094883453565,0.0766761687971902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644144513326475,0.04595579064263783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994273155735206,0.0,0.0890073192876647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974858697302466,0.0,0.2725479612018674,0.20008005698955406,0.0,0.09216449631615738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956401120293904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892257067966898,0.0,0.0,0.1913974392860068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000505401279506,0.0,0.10706745587470654,0.06026094995723049,0.0,0.09287861357285457,0.0,0.0,0.08033166561564066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573388247886197,0.0,0.1917764417196428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658024610755088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097770366777833,0.0,0.0,0.08221764138070083,0.0,0.0,0.1092176254066884,0.1249862543147585,0.06027355621209288,0.0,0.07467772528905565,0.16455154541713835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451054721335976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248527088261727,0.0,0.0,0.11096487319127918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201033022916303,0.13696202221918966,0.0,0.0,0.06682163411296617,0.0,0.2286004472781735,0.06057528086307992
bpd,forsakenharmony,2018/12/07,"Can someone help me out? Basically I was talking to this girl with BPD and she suddenly blocked me, suspect she was having a bad day and not sure what to do

We were getting along really well and then like out of nowhere she said we shouldn't talk anymore (said she was feeling down before that and I understand there can be mood swings)

now she has blocked me on whatsapp and I'm not sure if I should just leave her alone or try to send her an SMS message later

",1.6089361702127647,3.9455009574468094,2.3866382978723406,94.69400000000002,81.97872340425532,5.4621276595744686,24.293617021276606,6.742157984588678,0.7035948936170207,366,14,79,4,10,114,68,94,0.16699999999999998,0.7440000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.7123,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,0,2,25,18,8,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,11,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,6,3,15,4,10,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,2,6,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257103403118677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612856020758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196291831860986,0.0,0.0,0.185442858970449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744759168563642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054718510024178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019224144771347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385972515314803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607426354650152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23075700102334565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646986567389864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961189999362367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146037447066048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465186001522732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107939557128215,0.0,0.0,0.3503286652232777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796054789807492,0.0,0.0,0.2268734032874726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594574981538745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsbeenalife,2018/12/07,"I just need someone to talk to. I am feeling a lot of feelings and having a hard time separating them. I feel like someone just used a marker and scribbled all over a paper and that was the design for my brain. I feel like no one wants to take me seriously unless I try and kill myself. I’m high functioning so I haven’t been in the hospital yet but I honestly believe I’m one issue away from really flipping my shit into full on crazy pants. I mean, I already feel like I am crazy. One doctor says adhd...another says borderline, some say bad anxiety, some think I’m fine. I want a concrete answer. I want someone to fix me. I’m clearly incapable of doing it myself. ",1.03563888888889,3.47153372592593,3.5213657407407415,84.84427083333334,85.81481481481481,6.337962962962964,23.252314814814817,7.645422480735847,1.4441203703703709,523,20,101,10,16,181,88,135,0.204,0.6509999999999999,0.145,-0.8876,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,4,9,2,0,7,0,7,3,2,1,2,27,24,7,1,4,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,2,9,19,5,14,22,5,9,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,5,67,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645172751733509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106344443533748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354293025259138,0.1047218100964488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286143004570226,0.0,0.11429888895087766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423011906026174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281646003484894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401145014209312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34608289658301183,0.2933864695503409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226281150778564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463364427835027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287941599794346,0.0,0.0,0.15145043344155826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006351755466081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163804661489894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911524129674586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150349423341222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782841672242672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769635704375382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32658542973434096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051740886825884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479637934609057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029255557151549,0.11002839911742987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771470263286554,0.0,0.0,0.07982267725752068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294050892117103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823051528217185,0.0,0.0,0.2422268935090777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunboarding,2018/12/07,"Someone talk to me, pls? It's just that. Not depressed, not suicidal, no major drama. Just no one to talk to",-1.1245454545454552,0.7354988181818172,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,106.27272727272728,4.0181818181818185,19.13636363636364,5.985473137389443,0.16596363636363698,82,3,17,1,4,28,16,22,0.109,0.599,0.29100000000000004,0.4332,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607728508169486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28383772959460085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35490791338291944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581767263015544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733450481482479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NicoCola,2018/12/07,"It's like I'm lying to myself. Any advice? I was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago and I kind of wish I hadn't been. I've tried to ignore it for a while (which worked for a bit), but now it's going through my mind again. Thinking about all the symptoms I exhibit just makes me feel like a terrible person. Furthermore, I feel like everything I think and every opinion I have is just some twisted lie filtered through my fucked up head. It makes me feel like I'm nothing. It's really so awful.
Does anyone else have this problem and does anyone have a way to cope with it? Thanks.",0.8684033613445372,3.249533277310928,2.4006302521008442,92.99069327731094,85.97478991596641,5.416806722689077,20.264705882352946,6.868970318607317,0.4097294117647064,456,14,96,6,14,148,78,119,0.19,0.679,0.132,-0.8889,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,6,1,7,4,1,2,1,22,20,6,0,2,3,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,3,12,6,12,17,4,8,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,9,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208216007715603,0.13795871415277985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583535495734636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176435568322385,0.15946376463517836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991025003833998,0.0,0.196013533876552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796358920985654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723898882688475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001088280529016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112699214240636,0.0,0.13987234750795355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360772219944633,0.3335514091472129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387962706946186,0.0,0.0,0.08844946784923635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972372136337415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206717394803394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30413647741668925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077716437129508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714433754366308,0.0,0.12422428053923365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933346560903818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589219080445386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891916861970264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970208753611973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176163292879553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328538522223944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994458893142713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566416973839517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353373879773115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896955579314827,0.0,0.0,0.11330222588685855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sydneyhall1992,2019/08/12,"What I want to tell me BPD friend, but I wont because it will just end up in a fight   

What I want to tell me BPD friend, but I wont because it will just end up in a fight.. so instead im telling reddit and hoping different BPs will chime give me some sort of weird closure. I need to release this pint up FRUSTRATION somehow 

……………………..

no back story, sorry, im literally writing it as if I were to send it to him in like a letter or something

fill in the blanks, I think its general enough

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

\*Today I avoided a fight\* 

I wanted to say so many things 

I wanted to call you out.. 

You’re being self destructive 

But you know that, don’t you.. and you don’t care 

Its cus you saw her picture again on fb, and she was happy. 

It put you in a hole 

A hole you describe with “my happy ending”

…Ok you didn’t come right out and say that, but I can read between the lines when you tell me how much you """" hate"""" Avril Lavigne especially that song, and why does it have to play the Chipotle anyways …. 

She's not worth it, she literally just proved that she is not worth it. 

….

I fucking hate her

I hate that she did this to you.

It feels manipulative because she dropped you the first chance she got and yet you still hold this torch for her.

Why ?

Shes not worth it, she literally just proved that she is not worth it. 

She obviously doesn’t see what she lost or she wouldn’t have pulled this bull shit. 

why couldn’t she have just giving you a relationship so it could die naturally, you would have could come to the conclusion that she not this perfect person, she is human, with flaws…..  

But now it’s a giant unknow, a giant WHAT IF …. a ‘what did I do wrong’ 

You’re attached to an idea, you love an idea

how do I explain to you that the teenage girl you fell for all those years ago has been gone for a while. 

People change. 

Shes gone. 

Think of her as dead if its easier 

Cry for her as if she dead 

Make her a shrine in your life 

Cry for her every night 

But she is dead.

You are aloud to cry for the dead 

   ��
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bpd,notsickquestionmark,2019/08/12,"isn't the person with BPD the one that's supposed to be walking on eggshells?? me: BPD, daily migraines, chronic fatigue and pain.  
my partner: depression, ptsd  


note: my partner is good in every other situation. this is not one of those situations were people bury the lede, and the partner is actually a terrible person. No.  He'll do things like travel 2 hours home, when he just arrived  from where he was going, bc i locked myself out, without even one grumble.  He'll cook me dinner when I have a lot of pain. but then the moment housework is mentioned everything gets turned upside down, and i don't know what the fuck to do at this point.

I have to do 95% of the house work. the only house work on his own accord is wash the dishes, when he's not feeling too shitty.  otherwise he expects me to ask him to do things, and hope he says yes to it.  this means that I have to keep track of everything myself, and try to figure out what he can do, and when he can do it. many times i ask him, he'll say no. this means that even when he does stuff,everything is still my responsibility.  have told him, multiple times, this isn't working out for me.  


Everytime I bring it up he has a break down and acts as if i am expecting too much of him. he says he's been trying to improve, but everything he tries, doesn't actually address the fact that I'm overworked.  Like for example, he points out he offers to come to the laundry mat with me, but ... if he comes with me, I still need to pack the laundry, walk to the laundry mat,  probably need to actually put the washng on,  sit on the seats that really hurt me and my fatigue plays up because of the pain,  and then take it out, put it in the dryer, and walk home.... AKA,  i'm doing just as much work as if i went alone, so what's the point of him coming ? ? ? ?  doesn't actually help me feel less overworked.  


he offered to take the rubbish out last night, but I just went into the kitchen, and the rubbish was still sitting there. I don't know how the fuck to bring it up, because he's  going to try and guilt trip me. it's honestly like he's a completely different person when housework is brought up, and I'm at the end of my tether.",4.163566883983975,4.746163107061506,5.178030005498388,84.90097949886106,70.54897494305239,8.150844395569868,27.894195271384806,8.216663640201805,1.6651281281910295,1680,56,357,23,29,553,191,439,0.102,0.828,0.07,-0.9154,1,1,0,0,0,0,70.0,0,0,0,4,20,18,2,1,27,1,33,14,0,1,1,55,68,33,0,8,13,0,2,3,3,3,8,3,4,6,24,26,4,1,7,3,0,18,11,11,0,3,8,5,34,7,56,56,5,64,0,4,0,2,43,25,2,5,21,228,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.2966810054374999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871861386007754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421094724220877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926643038904908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145213890558152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641562037246488,0.07969015660400648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546329099011147,0.0,0.0,0.07940940705116667,0.0,0.0,0.06651278829318835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731817476528275,0.0,0.0,0.1004016251246682,0.0,0.06403777998750268,0.0,0.2732348075618864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768611707634992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053143067526247,0.03970965497708727,0.0,0.08639117651672758,0.06374967608384627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094477962828032,0.0,0.1524791132671355,0.07549045567299588,0.07484995324298882,0.1753999234666407,0.08136529220321986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755704154283686,0.0,0.0,0.08354109815903604,0.061954499255563074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139711497671173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461702507210958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705748880483942,0.0,0.16558420161628065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174534552783368,0.11271399829917385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132586613733384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450956338051886,0.057805488668363485,0.2426251327970576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526925352219185,0.1990948028603728,0.0,0.0,0.2155488501341836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194661541598414,0.0,0.08884617924196238,0.1528127260808057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869096927807864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132749936156564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086638119990408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820938965123073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700793419540664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142931186698074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098914592852064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863865403441525,0.0,0.0,0.07262636285754971,0.0,0.20641055647554069,0.08267198825086271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409154297902749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326643888290416,0.0,0.22133118116694805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madz_r96,2019/08/12,"Breaking up My boyfriend and I made some guidelines with each other and one of them is to avoid quickly leaving. So if something comes up I’ve asked him to take a few minutes before instead of hanging up immediately which is triggering for me. I feel like I’ve been following everything he’s asked of me. I’ve been avoiding yelling or insulting him and I haven’t been spamming him with messages. I’ve been understanding many times when he cancels or changes plans. He isn’t following through on his side.  Not only does he cancel plans daily, but today he hung up immediately then didn’t text me for 30 minutes. Then he called back and he did it again to go to the store. I really freaked out and told him that since he doesn’t work on what I’ve asked him to I think we need to be done. I don’t want to be done with him so I begged him to just go back by taking an uber or to find a quiet spot and call me. I know my threats were wrong. But I’m at a loss.  Another example: I asked him to just send me a text explaining how he’s feeling because I was spiraling,  He didn’t respond and when he did I was so upset, but he kept leaving me on read. What do I do?",1.7116161616161634,3.5155103991769607,3.2856285072951765,91.17941919191921,78.75308641975309,6.558099513655069,25.448746726524504,7.520522993642371,1.1299069958847734,909,35,204,13,22,300,129,243,0.124,0.8540000000000001,0.021,-0.9721,0,2,1,0,1,0,18.0,1,0,1,4,13,9,2,3,6,0,23,0,0,3,0,40,46,22,0,3,10,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,14,0,3,7,1,1,7,7,8,0,1,16,4,31,1,29,28,3,28,0,1,0,0,35,10,0,5,11,129,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375969390971613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.512674229665283,0.0,0.0,0.2108405133023204,0.0,0.08357395148408,0.0,0.11666069554789582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27998572165337343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503199687988616,0.11809818767698015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997579021270227,0.2805986575974289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321525977212022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864220604278366,0.09794317046380123,0.0,0.0,0.125305512845112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583243367141947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534573067878537,0.0,0.0,0.2903349569930849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697938466526425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972588205372446,0.0,0.13899632459272293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016567742910386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290146771116392,0.10426956017912972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713556533556626,0.0,0.08782878699370589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340926660723699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554509603093094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061619664453099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784716028642503,0.0,0.0,0.07994321719225228,0.0,0.1299533138850174,0.13100345809741562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427243366273407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086422648678368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980931502286317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498956489013374,0.0,0.0
bpd,rouge_27,2019/08/12,Idk I'm just proud of myself Promised myself I'm going to stay clean off SH for my future tattoos' sake. I know now I'm going to really have to find better coping mechanisms and I'm actually excited for it.,2.018255813953488,4.0091098372093015,5.0676162790697665,77.87723837209303,78.53488372093022,8.020930232558143,22.377906976744185,8.841846274778883,1.8730976744186043,165,5,31,4,4,60,31,43,0.03,0.6809999999999999,0.289,0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,7,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.4083713672369168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701072510109676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38247869323590106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756581274128657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998299082457435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680858879638458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460388153768899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ActuallyDidMethOnce,2019/08/12,"DAE feel incredibly hurt when their partner doesn’t want to have sex? I understand that sometimes people aren’t in the mood or it isn’t the best timing, but man it hurts when you put yourself out there and are told “not today.” It’s crushing. It makes me worry so much.",3.898333333333333,5.2002912407407385,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,71.77777777777777,6.881481481481483,24.61111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.8755333333333333,213,6,44,2,4,67,46,54,0.17300000000000001,0.72,0.107,-0.7124,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,10,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,9,2,7,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,1,4,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803647686262455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508259644600448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5719941459241132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783293589073439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963911200507516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521301199017146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26856655452859945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642250847758125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557813836753846,0.0,0.2532335795484044,0.2552799435078717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781198383658909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757610882304726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713108816778446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Irenery,2019/08/12,"cw: I lost my FP and found a new one within two weeks Holy fuck has this been a Rollercoaster. I have bipolar and BPD, and recently I've been in a depressive slump. I've never been so down and depressed before, and my last 4 months sucked. My fiance and I didn't have sex for months, and she lost all feelings for me. I wanted to spend my life with her but she left me

Idk anything worse than losing a long time fp. I cut and cut several days in a row, I'm surprised I didn't kill myself if I'm being honest 

But within a week I found a new Fp, and I'm actually really happy my fiance left me. My boyfriend is so kind and just as loving as me, which is a rare find because I LOVE my FP to death. Also we have sex non-stop, which is my favourite thing in life and one of the few things I care about

But through this I am not depressed anymore! I'm actually manic lol. Im so glad, my doctor didn't have anything else for me so I was going to do electroshock therapy, but now I'm actually happy for once. We are moving in together soon!! he also is totally accepting of my schizoaffective disorder and BPD, and for once I'm not afraid of someone leaving me. He constantly showers me with love

I just want to say I love you guys and thank you for being such an awesome community. Idk what I would do without this sub. I'm so proud of myself that I made it through this, and good things can come to you even if your fp leaves, it's hard but it can be worth it 

I love you guys!!!",1.84,3.2930430000000013,3.6508974358974378,90.26076923076923,77.33333333333334,6.851282051282053,22.89743589743589,7.61054688173877,0.8225858974358982,1144,34,259,16,26,385,157,312,0.114,0.625,0.261,0.997,1,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,2,5,0,4,14,28,5,1,10,1,26,12,0,1,3,44,52,31,2,5,12,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,15,20,0,0,5,0,2,3,7,12,0,3,12,3,45,16,31,36,3,27,0,6,0,8,20,9,2,2,15,171,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.2575708564969408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407170552607239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725370142911347,0.0,0.0,0.1448020494247408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363251816446238,0.0,0.07486551445689626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161846334298066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970268910579028,0.0,0.0,0.07578800670903146,0.0,0.09507641289698446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674059047846629,0.0,0.22733421581293084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083406861536798,0.09005247831790397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349699659850749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811074768989762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448593432468705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804132157739714,0.0,0.0,0.19293367218497948,0.0,0.08133719449590937,0.0,0.0,0.050001739065113134,0.07379444979344071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423042535919486,0.0,0.18731523024031452,0.0788138669604146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503478524430688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733815369160408,0.09161887278488423,0.0,0.07171641435133341,0.0,0.1863187581560772,0.1911836455496712,0.0,0.12428743595371736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786058650666536,0.0,0.09842844937504493,0.1920837287851548,0.0,0.3970323049611557,0.08324993137332531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045149647845614,0.09351008365400366,0.0,0.0,0.06785651930731983,0.16994556738017005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873941966343143,0.1192366656367406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636300462231856,0.0,0.08687081318559971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996617535859058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939370435612653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454617865692903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355621623162417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100126114878023,0.10061416093872534,0.0,0.1753523841227737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130254070858152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594484063018769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378717336905556,0.0,0.14114641090786464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481072968241596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966035131413011,0.06249931464825989,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway75568,2019/08/12,Have a lot of the ‘symptoms’ of bpd but can’t pinpoint any real childhood trauma Hey I am a 17F and I have been experiencing different emotions and feelings to others for as long as I can really remember (I can’t really remember much before age 7 or 8). I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome when I was around 8 I think as I had a lot of trouble making friends would act out extremely emotionally and didn’t understand I shouldn’t do certain things. The social problems seem to have cleared up and I think I have a normal grasp on social boundaries but I still experience intense mood swings and anxiety. I worry about my health and other things constantly and can switch emotion very quickly one second I’m fine the next I’m having a panic attack then the next I’m shouting and uncontrollably angry. This is mainly directed towards my parents for whatever reason and so I have a really volatile relationship with them. I also get really angry and upset when I make mistakes. When I get annoyed I’ll hit things or myself and I self harmed for a while. I feel like an emotional bomb that can go off at any minuet. I have changing relationships with my friends one second I feel like they are my best mate and perfect in every way then something changes and they annoy me and I start to dislike them then it can change back again later. I feel like this with everyone in my life. My behaviours are very impulsive and I find myself making lots of mistakes and getting myself into trouble because of it. I search out things like drugs and alcohol to try and make myself feel vaguely normal. This could be just Asperger’s but I find it hard considering I do understand social cues and can cope with social situations well and my shifting perceptions and emotions normally stay in my head and I seem ‘normal’ in front of people most of the time. It could also be something else and any other ideas are much appreciated. Do you think it might be BPD? Honestly I have no clue and I just wish I could feel less alone on my head,4.210768146582101,6.36554647803618,5.2658069062720285,78.19693446088796,72.59173126614985,8.205120977214,28.523138360347662,8.927757054556999,2.5560842377260986,1625,65,285,34,33,534,199,387,0.17800000000000002,0.691,0.131,-0.9693,2,1,4,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,4,2,15,26,3,3,13,0,37,8,2,5,3,87,64,42,0,13,7,1,7,4,3,3,6,1,0,1,16,33,1,0,21,0,0,3,5,13,1,4,5,9,50,12,37,49,9,39,0,0,0,0,17,14,0,9,24,213,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153907799812233,0.0,0.06933020992721209,0.0,0.10706464929513068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656558550170642,0.0,0.05120932891383328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959127169934614,0.0,0.07615452666973352,0.0,0.051473142300253835,0.0,0.04080633109791635,0.0,0.05696146806636849,0.0,0.0702499655073914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861853036349514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244264197319784,0.0,0.0,0.07233894131876331,0.0,0.16033971955443713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794323773654269,0.0,0.06993861541869631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776297727270065,0.0,0.055920230497183705,0.3764954806765757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056400291012464326,0.0639645534423901,0.0,0.06548069177264326,0.0,0.0,0.20308288635861832,0.14346700275935373,0.0,0.0,0.12236487936138507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034361883588069,0.0,0.1049210058725967,0.0,0.038043850812781936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996557425164576,0.0,0.1374006101917553,0.07115466240274826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556772021009818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728208218087221,0.13081506372980906,0.0,0.0,0.05924027029135848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707313566681065,0.0,0.0,0.17873331765014636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101333308035683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984179965059401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238404475337518,0.0,0.2623500605827428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072128297358972,0.0,0.0,0.07854029906972597,0.07432954639507677,0.0,0.0,0.046408140964298066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640530550595099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619298823815382,0.1715352929160585,0.06882602275845211,0.0,0.14373817362470045,0.15166116223460244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188030472104215,0.06983358109763732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524397024539227,0.0,0.2729497969093269,0.0,0.10306819428587068,0.0,0.0,0.047380857863126236,0.07134970757760002,0.053458800710517916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957685082814463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788927787878847,0.12867838285745434,0.0,0.0,0.03903356646240544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544823171390827,0.0,0.0,0.13937492323203501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046591008611284,0.0,0.05313428382832981,0.0,0.0,0.060187583565180176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697831593775012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798136646426099,0.0,0.04755263810491102,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Truan,2019/08/12,"Do you guys do dating sites? I feel like it's just triggering So any feeling I have with waiting from a text from an FP feels exponentially worse on hookup apps like tinder or POF, especially as a guy who is, at best, average looking. 

I just start to feel a lack of self esteem when I use these things. Like I'll be lucky enough to get a conversation that I'll fuck up anyways. Idk if this is something I personally need to get over or if it's something other people deal with",3.804447717231227,4.916648237113408,5.020471281296022,83.74938144329897,71.78350515463919,8.017083946980852,26.228276877761417,8.418075326091056,1.5464503681885131,377,12,80,6,7,125,71,97,0.102,0.736,0.162,0.7165,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,2,0,18,18,7,0,4,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,5,13,17,3,8,0,0,1,1,8,5,1,5,6,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601949640696226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990716429365253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621037785936824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667266615291036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045416248887455,0.14289331675072506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849139583374288,0.20900290990403594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960996911149051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293156931210826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796523503377142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831124599948525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866770182158955,0.17464851293133601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866300609263005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079681567834797,0.0,0.0,0.14157418361725752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328834598283656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275183646720274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383602569737155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,willa_vy,2019/08/12,"Does this sound right? I read that one aspect of bpd is a fear of abandonment and that people with it will go to ""drastic measures to keep someone from leaving them."" 
Whenever I begin to like someone, i completely avoid them because I am so scared that they will reject me or will be scared away by how much I like them. Then I just pine over them (not in a crush way). 
Does this ""qualify"" I guess? Might I have bpd? Because I totally have all the other criteria that you need in order to be diagnosed.",3.312045454545455,4.971354080808084,4.254431818181818,86.60164772727276,73.84848484848484,7.77828282828283,26.516414141414145,8.472884824447931,1.7870292929292928,390,14,79,7,8,126,68,99,0.203,0.7490000000000001,0.047,-0.9470000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,5,0,3,8,0,4,3,0,10,1,0,1,2,14,15,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,0,1,16,2,13,9,3,10,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,3,4,61,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616038463047597,0.0,0.0,0.2156174121984382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44548346037824826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542831082992065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795033356709279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095326827648365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901019375307594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051034290037347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482488931845807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571961786974982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726310945557811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280410146598216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761440563758652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000821900311266,0.13113518157179518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984101326795385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226084652850992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690210402255058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103255870324553,0.0,0.0,0.3541239029388982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29969605532973026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037866759683765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ladypiss,2019/08/12,"Weird side effects? (Not sure if I’m overreacting and anxious or having weird side effects) Ok so I started lamictal or however u spell it. And I’m on a low dose, and my anxiety is thru the roof and I’m sweating a lot and my brain keeps feeling like it’s being electrocuted??? Like I twitch and it feels like it’s being zapped. It’s really weird and I don’t know if it’s anxiety about getting side effects or if it’s really side effects. Wtf help",0.3227419354838688,2.699626569892473,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,89.75268817204302,6.540860215053764,23.87903225806452,7.793537801064563,1.6104774193548388,353,15,73,8,12,123,51,93,0.182,0.6509999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.3604,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,2,9,0,0,3,1,5,4,2,4,1,24,14,14,0,3,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,5,5,3,12,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,7,4,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868318607893852,0.28562840456150146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822443363998536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556791001784388,0.36124672864885615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209438201479345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946808492192902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472886401299413,0.0,0.0,0.13894995739099858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705631053598989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494888332471768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239415452086039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789559226975088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382913433275457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sjb5138,2019/08/12,"At what point do you disclose the fact that you have BPD to those close to you? For context, I am currently in the early dating stages with my SO. I’ve actually been quite proud of myself for how I’ve handled a few bumps in the road so far - although I have had minor freak-outs, he hasn’t seen anything crazy .. yet. 

My question is at what point in time do I tell this man that I’m borderline? Is this something I should feel morally compelled to disclose, like on par with having an incurable STD? 

I feel like he deserves to know, but my paranoia is telling me in the future if we get in a fight, even if I’m 100% in the right and not splitting, he could hold my BPD against me and blame everything on me being crazy.",8.762857142857143,5.3909842993197294,8.253435374149664,79.52668367346939,63.14965986394558,11.160544217687075,38.10544217687074,8.344100000000001,2.93031156462585,560,20,122,5,6,178,95,147,0.09699999999999999,0.856,0.046,-0.8606,1,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,1,3,0,2,5,4,1,0,8,0,15,1,0,2,1,20,22,9,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,17,3,20,16,1,23,1,0,1,1,12,16,0,3,8,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.20088855664020613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940430549734267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185440678105668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436155273114494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359678387625975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850126739122675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081768549164302,0.14706561421423095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755276039683173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313464847241117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114448611052307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892063335842985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060904169796534,0.21895624248541654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758023458274348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848021155110187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35985944303168443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003795959398185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mmemegmegamegan,2019/08/12,"I'm just done I don't know what to do anymore. The fact I know I'm going to have this disorder for the rest of my life makes me not want my life anymore.

Sorry I just cant write more my thoughts dont make sense and I am so so tired.",-1.4321212121212137,0.2146414545454576,1.072272727272729,103.70174242424244,89.0,4.393939393939394,16.439393939393938,5.46131890053228,-1.0199696969696972,180,4,50,1,6,61,37,55,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.8288,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,2,1,12,16,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,4,14,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878559234224494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818934718589438,0.0,0.0,0.251704263874281,0.28826533634216905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978572934328165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703482880346791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474601125447372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32836275287458433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753340392365957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526615338871736,0.0,0.28269684641427395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507461137480165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamconfusion93,2019/08/12,"Advice about FP/SO I've recently come to the realisation that my SO isn't my FP, and it makes me uncomfortable. I've found that I've started to act towards my SO the same way I do when I try to push away people I do t really care for, but am completely fixated on someone else. Has anyone else had this issue? Do you have any advice on what to do?",1.8388000000000029,3.078075213333335,4.703666666666667,83.60350000000003,76.86666666666667,8.200000000000001,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.4868666666666672,271,8,61,6,6,98,52,75,0.026000000000000002,0.9359999999999999,0.038,0.2039,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,6,14,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,10,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449960670574096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548384001376316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920757365886418,0.23329740998162515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392417371361785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321472172227187,0.0,0.0,0.1961365376193912,0.23873077969589104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380414977625677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24965257760267134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376513412539064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198620970962326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785299657761456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586535596442762,0.0,0.22481842785257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292273288913725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116160308740418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458795409868462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073134904843108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JunglistBook,2019/08/12,"Supporting loved ones with BPD through crisis Hi guys,

My girlfriend (20) started having seizures. She was going through a bad BPD episode before they started and got pretty sick. I had a trip lined up for August 1st but made sure everything was okay before leaving. She started feeling better and I left for the trip (I'm visiting my dad for the first time in a few years). 

The day after I left she went to work as usual, and then I didn't hear from her for a day, she texted me the next day that she was dehydrated and fainted at work, and she is okay and getting discharged in the morning. Overnight she started having seizures. 

Her memory is getting really bad and she's been hospitalized for almost 2 weeks now. I haven't heard much from her, she's been going a few days at a time without checking in, and then when she does it's just a quick few texts and she's gone again. Unfortunately, I couldn't get another flight until about 2 days from now, and that's when I'll be able to talk to her and doctors.

I'm not sure what to do or how to approach the situation at all. I'm really trying my best for her and it was awful timing. I've been super worried but know as much as she knows at the moment. How can I best support her right now?",4.261050420168068,5.022650436507939,4.988001867413633,85.70340336134457,70.42857142857143,7.675443510737629,27.521942110177413,7.724431198458867,1.4479782446311849,978,32,204,11,17,316,134,252,0.08,0.7559999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.9732,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,7,11,13,0,0,14,3,18,4,0,3,3,30,42,25,0,1,6,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,5,13,0,0,3,0,1,8,5,2,0,2,14,3,30,11,32,26,8,49,0,0,0,1,28,11,0,2,30,137,35,3,0.10768422423298192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783019561536857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291629826875665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982365852297758,0.0,0.0,0.18326268700877515,0.0,0.2260158994876675,0.09523794546841087,0.0,0.0,0.27124902151292946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472370806833613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021936647373393,0.09423519029746392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967796372217424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444837932110856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091596146122063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878168797784476,0.0,0.1223988524310498,0.0,0.08612491126021063,0.0,0.0,0.10662431208026864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136794696160245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836086690538135,0.0,0.0,0.11402204508819595,0.2339984494178452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971892166430794,0.10189341666486312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832059023376846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452339412266485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296961722989635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955356922236667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797054291159866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196173911836154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104157983000208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048777926390601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439756308759344,0.20298221389827714,0.0,0.0,0.0865525004325542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883746113715312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311051967607111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118598959480022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637778926742294,0.0,0.0,0.09982435470605136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380374944009163,0.0,0.15679079550906316,0.10935855682522773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934510984006577
bpd,Glittergumis,2019/08/12,"Missing my emotions So...I was diagnosed with BPD like two years ago. I've been in treatment for seven years now (I'm 27), but they called it depression at first. I actually think BPD is more accurate to my general state.

I've been all this time taking antidepressants, and they work really well for me, but sometimes...I think I miss it? Antidepressants make me feel a bit numb, like I can't reach proper emotions when proper motives arise. Now I have a higher dose so it's worst. It's a bit fucked up, but I actually miss my super intense emotions. I miss exploding with euphoria, even when it hurts, and I kinda miss being so sad I wanna die.

Also, my psychiatrist augmented my medication because I tend to dissociate when I have anxiety. And I miss that too! Dissociation is dangerous and terrifying, but also so liberating. It made me feel like nothing matters and that I can do whatever.

Sometimes I think I just miss all this things because they gave me an excuse to not behave apropiately.

Someone else having this feelings? Should I feel bad for not appreciating having such a good response to antidepressants?",4.34008175779254,6.873511873786409,5.765605518650997,73.0370592743996,73.46601941747574,8.99703628002044,29.774144098109353,9.549672527348893,3.250712621359224,890,39,151,24,19,299,117,206,0.282,0.6,0.11800000000000001,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,3,4,15,21,2,0,5,0,14,5,0,3,2,31,35,17,1,2,7,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,15,1,3,5,4,27,6,13,28,6,14,0,10,0,1,6,3,1,1,13,104,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.24786516467465106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257684014583663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312190914626374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097153791877688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603875600275843,0.15483467105963408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27729975848459154,0.0,0.31990127488726644,0.0,0.12968005085248474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938394507245816,0.12890118497079586,0.13180478186798367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609126404716733,0.4285699228836557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388155928091952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25685778865805564,0.0907280217819371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080251783242344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740841364253188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652063105406316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595492250009106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613570631032825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016940637021035,0.0847727353243067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793800575319705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121858845883957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135873141242808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760573478672147,0.0,0.12560513487507427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548734890693636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437240951442851,0.2441272536167428,0.0,0.0,0.07405406539721378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405944736215407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418724071060585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924566936576897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356622354840206
bpd,ItsTiddies,2019/08/12,"Advice I am dating a wonderful woman with BPD.. I don’t know a thing about this disorder and honestly it feels like an invasion of space for me to go all detective on the internet to learn about it. We have very open communication, and things are very great. Do you guys have any sort of advice for me on this? I don’t have any specific questions, I just want to do right by her no matter what.",4.762375000000001,5.060915487500001,5.9899999999999975,80.61500000000002,69.125,10.4,27.25,10.355215969177356,2.496575,309,9,66,8,5,104,57,80,0.062,0.75,0.187,0.8647,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,15,14,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,13,14,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,2,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327951448813793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011860678405581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278907485762218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25379994186822796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197135750444774,0.15820333602794948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585467037379752,0.0,0.0,0.244148499012425,0.0,0.2192695010478871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170267607635545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081888818685974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24807375884400515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891163868593026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942419859209655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365437525497768,0.130616461923264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24015218565949256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anothethrowaway123,2019/08/12,"Everything's gone to shit today. Today, was supposed to be one of the best days for me. Me (17F) finally got to meet my long distance SO (18F). Well turns out, I don't feel anything at all towards her. 

I've closed myself off for the past few years, and she was the only source of support I had, one of the reasons I stayed in the relationship. Now I don't know what to do, there are some many things I have going through my head that I dont have anybody to share with, plus the fact that I have to survive the next week with her. I just want to go home at this point lol.

I have no idea what I'm gonna do at this point. I don't enjoy life at all, just spend most days feeling empty, and on top of that I'm alone now. There is probably a better subreddit to vent regarding this, but I freaking hate this illness.",3.5303911205074034,3.706909058139537,4.5035306553911205,90.62455602536998,71.7906976744186,7.649894291754759,26.101479915433412,7.348242739294969,0.9770162790697676,626,18,147,6,11,204,108,172,0.12300000000000001,0.784,0.09300000000000001,-0.8469,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,8,9,2,0,8,1,16,4,2,1,3,21,30,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,5,0,1,3,5,3,1,2,5,2,19,6,27,23,6,29,0,0,0,0,6,13,1,2,12,100,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620103666584105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287254335343064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415964529087695,0.1383462613184812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176391528572274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333034041623336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405857813871884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818757275532316,0.0,0.0,0.17135725512967787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778012276537908,0.0,0.12510832127503388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443848665635887,0.16053840929968424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690823197209686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765861385914094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596774816086909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048845054036947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843226381288226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585916138873955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636103742524355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199688178794632,0.1189691732971394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932650709343012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29574663924774097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686538997441928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083218548513806,0.0,0.16794319702909066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056924553483046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672951513854126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751059707462402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039226159995752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965474927402389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014678577432052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226422512877228,0.0,0.12547566148481498,0.0,0.14064593907786932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007333436258828
bpd,in_the_wabe,2019/08/12,"Dealing with Loss I lost a pet yesterday and I'm devastated. It was my decision to euthanize and I'm second-guessing myself like crazy, retreading all the decisions I could have made differently and hating myself all along.

it's like I've suddenly been thrust into the worst of my depression and anxiety, but before this, I had been doing pretty well. 

I want to scream at the world and myself. I want my body to hurt as much as my soul does. 

I don't know where to go from here. I feel so alone. At the same time, I still have another sweet pet I have to take care of and I want to be the best possible guardian for them.

I got myself to work today, but I had to leave because I couldn't do it. How do you even go on after something like this?",2.3403016591251884,4.013305745098041,4.116339869281045,86.5127601809955,76.51633986928104,7.844947209653093,22.880341880341877,8.617729084823388,1.3800049270990449,581,17,125,12,13,196,93,153,0.16899999999999998,0.6409999999999999,0.18899999999999997,0.7488,1,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,4,7,14,1,0,6,0,15,1,1,2,2,25,30,12,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,8,3,23,7,21,19,6,14,1,4,0,0,3,6,0,0,9,91,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789587070174853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811857632935673,0.13218415607386935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533140255997152,0.0,0.14703187377735086,0.0,0.1813328274705146,0.0,0.0,0.19193114242066092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761712927209649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795904616055796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781392788418188,0.14882408795362653,0.0,0.0,0.18052915459311888,0.0,0.0,0.15121001259288427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412640628239835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736800017931877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640149246827296,0.0,0.13819623937840098,0.0,0.19034806731302611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059471227561934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497565918361256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949610655996578,0.0,0.0,0.1829600472947369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532499326924866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862109457407333,0.0,0.0,0.16349842100802342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702079959404122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479517400878002,0.0,0.1757899201924284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302246454605607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799060847938815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991685025412994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075545121999392,0.0,0.1637850619212682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057487018931717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553592891848989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579344345003055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,galacticalways,2019/08/12,"Does anyone else have symptoms worsen after eating? I notice after I eat i become super agitated and lazy, nothing helps, I usually have to lay in bed for hours if I eat during the day so I always wait to eat until dinner",1.7029545454545456,4.222776113636364,4.737454545454547,76.77118181818186,83.31818181818181,5.3381818181818215,17.89090909090909,6.742157984588678,0.5740872727272732,175,4,28,2,5,63,34,44,0.22899999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.081,-0.7256,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721362987979765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211158914924412,0.1935918679541989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866993552239774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185099042553932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653431028749484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7733331931978081,0.1578355415992616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664283298258566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860683311709549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812935033953802,0.2151100090378992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963815212418395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809126501753195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kind__mango,2019/08/12,"I feel like giving up and just letting my BPD run it’s course (rant) I feel super discouraged that this is something I will have to work on daily for the rest of my fucking life. I’m exhausted by the idea of a few more decades of therapy and cocktails of psych meds. It pains me to think about all the ups and downs to come in the future. I’m in so much mental agony right now there aren’t words to do any of it justice. I’m not even sure I’m making sense because I’m in full blown “emotion mind”. Sometimes self-awareness is useless!!! Haha

I’m self destructing. I cancelled therapy today to wallow in self-pity and attempt to induce an episode. I knew I was risking a cancellation fee or my therapist dropping me for my once-a-week last minute cancellations. I wanna get drunk. I wanna self-harm. I’ve been considering getting off of all my meds (under the supervision of my psychiatrist) because I’ve been obsessing about polypharmacy and the fact that I haven’t been off meds entirely for nearly 9 YEARS. How many of my medications are just treating the side effects of the others?

There’s not even medication approved for BPD but I’m on lamictal for mood swings/anger outbursts. My psychiatrist believes that the diagnosis of BPD is just a grouping of people who have similar maladaptive behaviors. She has me on multiple anti-depressants for my co-occurring MDD. I have made an appt with her for Wednesday to discuss my medication again. 

I can’t even imagine the hell I’ll go through trying to find my baseline without meds. I have no idea who I am but I hate whoever she is.

This should have been a diary entry, not a post lol. Sorry.",3.578905060456784,5.711425680250787,4.833151589789524,80.70322492163011,74.32915360501569,7.942722794446932,29.261195700850873,8.738905477910976,2.4839922973578146,1308,57,244,27,28,432,182,319,0.121,0.8340000000000001,0.045,-0.9685,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,5,14,16,4,2,17,2,24,8,0,5,4,40,44,10,0,3,10,0,2,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,11,7,2,1,10,2,1,3,8,10,0,0,7,2,31,5,48,34,7,29,1,2,0,1,9,17,2,1,8,162,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564391009955102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176879425476046,0.0,0.0,0.10875658542956536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647295783513939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315230092328607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314140079362285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858358815198683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127204640724627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761723413631106,0.06896126133673246,0.0,0.0,0.08822693994206325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924070135458162,0.10086618897070733,0.09260065396126592,0.05486039063400313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530368061788227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179419044853461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868507335436371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870876576465301,0.06818220140743972,0.047159825725489934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133929820815218,0.06443472082946973,0.09786656710920656,0.0,0.0,0.42889358184399295,0.2917323471744573,0.09727983220636624,0.0,0.09746807926828507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096087302389738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271503873080684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692195157709646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924493382349055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243634366192447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40280859655779655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431373638133983,0.09547092906064007,0.10805776110566577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097865972630144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078160782460152,0.11207911143089892,0.0,0.061852714686635286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914994317415044,0.0,0.0,0.06553773322578581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743077924659235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930517587452967,0.0,0.07027520371801523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216234447993563
bpd,lmchapman,2019/08/12,"Do you ever make such a good friend that you have an instant great connection with, but end up going weird and distancing yourself entirely? I don’t know why I do this. I recently made a new friend, we have loads in common, have a great laugh together and generally just get on very well and share the same ‘wavelength’. 

The last time I met up with her we had the best time and I really enjoyed myself. Yet, as soon as I left, I had this weird feeling come over me. I don’t even know what it is or how to describe it, but I’ve experienced it in similar circumstances before. It’s like I get this feeling of panic and dread surrounding our friendship that makes me feel just not quite right. It’s so hard to describe this as I really can’t put my finger on it. 

Anyway, I end up really distancing myself completely. Like, before I’d be so good at texting back and arranging things, but since this last time where I went all weird, I’ve been so much slower to reply, sometimes just not responding at all. And I don’t know why, because I really do want to speak to her and be her friend. To make matters worse I now feel I’ve pushed her away and she’s probably wondering what on earth is wrong with me and why I’ve suddenly gone off the radar. Yet all this time I’m actually thinking about her a lot, and would love to be back to how things were before I had got this odd feeling I just can’t shake. 

Does anyone get what I’m talking about or have any experiences of this? Any insight into the possible reason behind this sort of behaviour?",5.1272818336163,5.355135487096773,5.9228353140916825,81.65898981324281,68.3225806451613,9.752122241086587,28.573853989813237,9.682069395223575,2.355709677419355,1211,38,251,25,19,398,156,310,0.08900000000000001,0.703,0.20800000000000002,0.9919,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,2,0,2,24,22,0,3,10,0,23,2,1,7,4,58,50,24,0,2,11,0,7,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,22,18,0,0,12,0,0,7,7,7,1,0,10,9,34,15,34,36,7,44,0,0,0,1,20,18,0,5,21,169,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.09723758640269764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552186025498975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967298334829787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361825603148642,0.15323925069569685,0.0,0.06074169286780046,0.0,0.2543675874915682,0.0,0.10456960265759917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583396760275792,0.10447421097012556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719861238175179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650895649509474,0.0,0.0,0.06581352711566063,0.09013316160142804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974703670094982,0.0,0.0,0.2519134894432165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23095273511470216,0.0,0.15617869439919774,0.0,0.056629641514044815,0.1671523157259319,0.07969393100057218,0.21971440446669804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926091603517716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428422315280594,0.16244534335496005,0.0,0.0,0.1082628475854352,0.0,0.0,0.09736146585307126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471325691065422,0.08993206044360329,0.09428499603985883,0.1995382332933363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732493654242457,0.0,0.0,0.09623621835540057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691006261727087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233296380948007,0.0,0.0,0.1074324402422726,0.0,0.0,0.10016914048003926,0.0,0.10598302314062492,0.0,0.0,0.25533645877875666,0.102450012613842,0.09838583818710504,0.0,0.0,0.08509492067688433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242605163800963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985498722345197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800895919249055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239729706966868,0.06384746843569936,0.0,0.0,0.2324114755531525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221624196882707,0.05877226004071522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959138489071188,0.09237043173356582,0.2697380146972653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805901872627537,0.0,0.0,0.10154513918667077,0.07078381371486883,0.10894441756196108,0.0,0.0
bpd,a_chimera,2019/08/12,"Feel like you are losing your true-self when you are happy? You want to feel something and you hope to experience a modicum of happiness, but when you do, you realize it is euphoria. While you enjoy it, a small failure in your life makes you think that may be being happy is taking away other things from you. You are left wondering whether life is presenting you a choice between being happy or being great at something else!",5.25416666666667,6.969516750000004,5.540000000000003,79.09166666666668,69.0,8.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.339458333333334,340,12,59,6,6,108,53,80,0.059000000000000004,0.604,0.33799999999999997,0.9842,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,13,0,1,2,9,0,0,3,0,12,2,0,1,0,13,20,7,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,13,8,8,15,0,9,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,4,5,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677236324682545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393918088394822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632230766772149,0.0,0.0,0.16874090481020992,0.11920626247783715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396596928716688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7105109045207365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573163885301762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129607607827244,0.0,0.23571916289653905,0.08152035584719455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667592193735344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138169596954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740734811067809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25691707468999536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125459474962114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085571355934604,0.10691844666092906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841954433375699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095474594349992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thro3a3ay1234321234,2019/08/12,"DAE feel disgusted by themselves when your SO does anything for you ? For instance when my gf pays for anything or like rubs my knees ( I have really bad knees ), just remotely helps in any way, I feel like a piece of shit and a bad boyfriend.
I love doing everything for her but as soon as she does something for me I feel disgusted by my self.",3.932941176470589,5.197191117647058,4.290470588235299,88.52511764705883,71.6470588235294,8.381176470588235,28.30588235294117,8.841846274778883,1.988037647058824,268,10,57,5,5,84,47,68,0.183,0.7120000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.7902,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,5,8,3,0,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,7,6,8,0,0,3,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,12,3,11,6,1,5,0,0,0,1,8,1,1,1,5,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752772790065397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812510617704769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868307069540427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405431249504456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818915482391165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35138265851589817,0.1654884785970874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526792809660414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263417941880964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907022852917928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839883442396734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165807193070785,0.0,0.23778205156140966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783329790411235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387040133915744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,picturesofmonsters,2019/08/12,"I am having a very hard time in my life right now I don’t know what to start with. I hate writing out my feelings because they aren’t concise and they aren’t rational. 

My friends all have close loved ones passing away, and it’s hard to see them deal with this. I try to count my blessings, and I pray often that I don’t lose these things I hold dear, but it always feels like I’m tearing my own happiness away from myself when something bad happens. I have so many good things in my life, so why can’t I just be happy with things the way they are? Why does my brain have to complicate these things? 

I miss my friends. I miss having something steady and concise. I don’t know where to go from where I am at in life. I want to be better.",3.0880351906158374,3.9118040322580647,3.5325513196480958,94.8333724340176,73.19354838709677,6.410557184750734,24.41348973607038,6.1124844417494595,0.3673870967741935,575,16,134,3,11,179,88,155,0.09300000000000001,0.6809999999999999,0.226,0.9751,2,1,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,4,2,8,15,1,0,2,0,16,5,1,0,1,20,30,8,0,1,2,0,4,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,0,5,27,10,18,28,2,18,2,3,1,1,9,11,0,1,5,90,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755616210811842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654741602572374,0.0,0.11796278273390345,0.08612289199907201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495055613472535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771504901506495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565333319046506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363495849493425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287068548877033,0.10093036098104638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830494041342685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029260084461083,0.11849884449212016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493331456473515,0.30079007840540445,0.2531180106608764,0.13948461355160274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528743371853818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29937043205747305,0.06902220379982495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805602655405535,0.0,0.0,0.12751059055425576,0.0,0.0,0.1432356043790432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957348902159777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065222941802227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125817577115166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175282787301274,0.0,0.0,0.09999861283235448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754402479798066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238142313539179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959197518162956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657068141089608,0.08333052249702934,0.11214137768511492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549661998870781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OniLinkMinus,2019/08/12,"Having a Self Destructive Day Two months back I split on one of my best friends and their partner. This led directly to me being kicked out of my polycule and my support network due to my own behaviour. It wasn't until a little after that that I realized I have BPD.

Today was another self hating, self destructive day. One of my friends is interacting with one of the people who cut me out on social media. Even worse, they're talking about something NSFW that is extremely triggering to me. So of course this sparks a rapid downward spiral.

I went to a bunch of former friends who for some reason haven't blocked me and told them in DMs to please block me. One of them responded by publishing the DM which consisted of me self flagellating and saying they should block me because I'm terrible, and they seem to believe it was an attempt at guilt tripping them. Now I'm even more upset because dammit I'm being serious, I really am an awful person, I'm not trying to make *you* feel bad, I'm trying to make *me* feel bad.

So now I'm laying in bed with a dull x-acto knife that can't actually do anything wishing for my life to end because I just hate my life and I hate that I'm like this and I hate that things I used to enjoy are triggering for me and I hate that I have no control over my emotions and when I get emotional I have no control over my actions. I just want it all to end.",3.066133374593844,4.7318974483985805,4.502184743926971,84.54466811078449,74.51601423487544,7.591582856258705,26.80813863530868,8.321376580360154,1.820025406158132,1097,41,219,19,23,365,148,281,0.205,0.696,0.099,-0.9873,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,6,4,11,22,8,2,9,1,17,2,0,9,1,37,41,13,0,3,3,0,2,1,4,1,2,1,1,6,17,13,0,5,5,0,0,4,6,15,0,5,5,3,39,7,37,33,6,29,0,1,0,0,24,11,0,2,15,152,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0931239989112258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006461781159433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852914384240316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337827039353187,0.15935685051201542,0.17451613773283048,0.0,0.0,0.10751471975418428,0.10014583788315236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018827257716785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406131686759286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308637920769802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468739578304147,0.1690418333132834,0.0,0.0,0.12605863749190468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965025660734926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211823950904799,0.0,0.04985721093129364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710771523720708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480729001540387,0.0466213188516844,0.09564396339032137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739791204471293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761697490723012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25865803154789546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615778567151152,0.08332408148817108,0.0,0.10475132864069206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113364437810007,0.09811591603678277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588820559743811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687410128662951,0.3982090206531492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727686666495504,0.0,0.07346516543681461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082906060480189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670144176890538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633981477959793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904546214144071,0.09118557928168444,0.0,0.129578746763032,0.0,0.09321932637242444,0.0,0.0,0.0824191850100873,0.0,0.0,0.05628592895524611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846274678767017,0.0,0.0,0.1097375335737196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724932282767416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wannabeauthentic,2019/08/12,"I (F21, bi) only like unstable, flaky people and become limerent - how to break this pattern? Hey,

I am typically very good at riding out lows while stoically moving through life. I love fitness, reading, learning and connecting with like-minded friends.

The issue is, I cannot shake *the intense feelings of pain* that i experience from the lack of a deep, 'twin flame' style romantic relationship. I crave total emotional and spiritual enmeshment with a specific type of person (empaths that are also wild and unpredictable), and I desire it like an addict desires crack cocaine. However, I find it extremely hard to come across people that give me that fiery spark of recognition, and when I do (once a year max), they are always people I cannot really date. Whether they're unstable and bipolar-leaning, or covertly narcissistic, I always end up in **dead-end, confusing 'romantic friendships'** with these people (males and females) and am left battling limerence.

Always falling in love obsessively, and alone. They are always sharp, astute and wake up so much ADORATION and feeling in me, yet end up detaching after hooking up, slipping away from me or spiraling into their own chaos. I am trying to be proactive in changing my OWN behavior, as my energy clearly attracts folks who bond with me intensely but are fickle (i.e. 'personality disorder' people). My friends/acquaintances respect me greatly, but I've come to see that my love interests treat me very differently and are flighty af.

You see, I have no issue being authentic, radiating self-love and attracting fascinating friends that I keep for life, which is why this puzzles me. The issue is that I *just fall hard* for people that are a little disordered in how they bond with others. I think my issue is that I am simply BORED by anyone who bonds with me softly, securely and normally. Someone who reliably texts me to ask me for coffee becomes, in my mind, dull and someone I want to break free from. On the other hand, a crazy girl who tells me her life story before ignoring me for 5 weeks and then inviting me to the theatre? Level 100 dopamine.

I had a normal childhood, and have no clue why I'm so addicted to what is a). destined to be unrequited love and b). unhealthy, overpowering bonds that develop quickly. I've tried therapy, and I've tried giving more 'normal' people a chance. The result is always that I find them dull, while they pedestal me. Any realistic, suitable partner always lacks that **inner, turbulent emotional world**, which is precisely what allows me to relate to people and actually fall in love. 

I would LOVE to hear from anyone similar to me, especially if you have insights on why this is my reality (despite me *not* being obsessive or needy with platonic connections). I am sick of my stupid limbic brain, and its reptilian desire to 'pair bond' with people who, essentially, *intermittently reinforce* me. 

Thank you!",6.042456107051348,8.309890035019457,6.586038720698492,70.17301176805545,67.91050583657588,9.761715858403724,33.54825851760463,10.097256963172876,3.977906956439215,2314,108,356,61,41,753,281,514,0.11199999999999999,0.693,0.195,0.9942,4,1,1,0,0,0,102.0,0,3,6,0,9,33,2,4,16,0,31,17,3,4,3,72,52,39,0,11,9,0,7,2,3,1,7,1,0,5,30,34,0,3,7,1,1,8,5,12,0,0,1,10,58,22,57,46,7,49,0,3,2,7,35,26,0,6,15,243,88,3,0.0,0.0,0.06465657556999903,0.14445825864234468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862152834225703,0.0,0.05298512635237202,0.33078321565533697,0.0,0.0,0.045056545123792285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265586857309184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194068157023998,0.0,0.06224995981248864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634972030407564,0.05637921765182305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396392517824955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009036316959542,0.11414784381416118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922371481654148,0.15187088320772288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905880322649254,0.17605020506900645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481135930591468,0.0,0.0,0.06700233590674816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211140864279769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237888127745247,0.0,0.0,0.12711812984239004,0.0,0.055572627485199616,0.0,0.0730477869811888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870523275175945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467564739324657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766173861630854,0.0,0.0588916294841151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198764639572319,0.0,0.14039631839548875,0.09710842083941844,0.06640620268740492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587932986010176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379991853077888,0.0,0.0,0.07041994431233911,0.048705992263047636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475127224595434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056078005593218,0.0,0.05039088958102005,0.07050135755850295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41340388374026493,0.11570486307566095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627421386053224,0.0,0.04244547209973379,0.0,0.0,0.07113445326075818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559536018677633,0.0,0.06911975413840382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227746879454033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579109125529431,0.06099988446627935,0.0757698350110973,0.0,0.0,0.042454351455924216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495100291499282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933674638784162,0.03907967292611364,0.0,0.053146794482590534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935797232922066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706656314600978,0.0,0.0,0.042666874578516235
bpd,slavwaifu,2019/08/12,"Jealous about my younger sister It is irrational since she's just a kid but I still feel this disgusting jealousy.

My dad and my boyfriend treat her like a princess even though she misbehaves a lot. She's spoiled and gets anything she wants through putting up her whiny voice and pouting a bit.

That being spoiled part is something I still can tolerate to some degree, but getting all of my boyfriends attention drives me nuts. She knows damn well what she does and what she says because I've caught her giving me a stinky eye when I was smiling at my boyfriend or competing with my other sister who's more loved. (My other sister doesn't give a damn about childish stuff like that because it doesn't matter that much to her)

I know I shouldn't be afraid of losing my boyfriend and that he's just being nice to her because she's a kid, but for fucks sake, she KNOWS she's asking for all of his attention, on purpose. It drives me nuts.

I'm either hating myself or getting all jealous. 
I try to conceal all of my negative feelings so others around me don't notice, but I'm really close to crying.

I don't want to hate my sister or be jealous of her, but goddamn, she annoys me to the bone at the moment.",6.661429031219826,6.183055702928872,6.1942259414225935,83.39804634695848,65.19246861924687,8.860122304473768,33.44737689089153,7.882392219407189,2.267945349211457,959,36,191,9,13,296,126,239,0.259,0.625,0.11599999999999999,-0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,12,18,10,1,9,0,13,4,2,0,4,36,33,16,0,3,11,5,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,15,8,0,0,7,0,0,4,6,12,1,0,2,5,41,6,23,26,11,14,0,1,1,2,32,6,3,5,6,134,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775367236433066,0.1382012506262045,0.14513341962494564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839083223287329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948768359338473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052969661449846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358562275864181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025380711214302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569933989502268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435217987306859,0.2433278199147966,0.29785091821169063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30654523015424584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559563071003209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169004530914068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367980526165264,0.0,0.13198402126005646,0.14011496441540305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412317453023567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767478282179807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811555533381795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606442779862398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945412864796994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234573112584616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128420534736935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195154335852867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479582296026642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771875173493235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252774078117454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540138316398057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831354265341613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958418881952409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WhaleLoad,2019/08/12,"Fucked the pooch real hard this time. I've always thought I was bipolar, until in an informal setting, spoke with a psychiatrist who said my behavior aligns with BPD instead. 

In the past, BPD has primarily resulted in me destroying relationships, particularly my ex-girlfriend (on and off 4 years) who hates me now. I'd constantly and irrationally switch between, *I hate your soul* to *I wanna marry you,* which she said was frightening to her. 

I'm in the military and understood it would mean sacrificing some rights for the duration of my service. However, partially due to the incompetence of my unit regarding scheduling and also due to my own inability to healthily maintain interpersonal relationships, I'd felt completely out of control of my own existence. Coupled with my anxiety and depression, I'd use cocaine fairly often and heavily. The way I see it, I'm unable to control happiness or my daily life, but at least I'll be able to control my pleasure. 

Had a drug test, failed it and now I'm fucked. This is the only thing I've ever done right in my life and it's gone. I can't help constantly thinking about how much better my ex's life is without me. I should be happy, but it makes my soul die. I constantly feel like there's a void inside me, that I walk through walls and won't ever accomplish anything worthwhile, but cocaine always makes me feel like what I'd imagine Napoleone Boneparte felt after the battle of Austerlitz. 

I'm not sure what to do.. I constantly switch between motivation towards setting my life up best as possible following my discharge and saying fuck it all, I'm gonna devote myself to debauchery. I've had this internal struggle on whether or not to become abstinent entirely (no masturbation, pursuit of women, drugs or alcohol) and to completely give myself to pleasure. 

I don't know, my soul is muddy and I'm not sure what to do anymore.",5.67354419219749,7.451876747851004,6.6856876790830935,71.03751102049814,68.05444126074497,10.29759753140842,35.486114172360594,10.475803106731721,4.2632353096759985,1511,77,251,43,26,504,195,349,0.155,0.7340000000000001,0.111,-0.8741,1,0,5,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,0,8,10,21,7,1,12,0,18,11,0,9,5,58,49,23,1,3,11,1,5,2,0,4,8,4,0,1,17,16,1,3,12,0,0,3,8,10,0,0,13,10,36,11,44,30,7,37,3,2,1,3,17,15,3,5,18,166,53,5,0.08826734693457383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433095005873303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705873654534646,0.14689100719860276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752427880659614,0.0,0.0875374900154464,0.0,0.0,0.07263650566178173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748434987598786,0.0,0.0,0.09263113494528666,0.07806529539376579,0.0,0.0,0.22233926703826545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850932678086976,0.3815425779471737,0.2969980053359297,0.0,0.0976661405113354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602453657533798,0.0,0.09160757050122163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032814168235742,0.0,0.0,0.20472419883225912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968573740660513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926124549429704,0.1261164205734188,0.16950099045124847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24480521975980196,0.0,0.08467408218744442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879244642730016,0.07907020537955088,0.17429146210522498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916374205442518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850942548469577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24938335006184076,0.08624593431264574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783827897201965,0.0,0.0,0.09614901727119564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488665616801817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713129482272921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426117030753932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950817125615016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046756499304572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895321949505834,0.0,0.1507596639950723,0.16792491990768482,0.07019373707426482,0.0,0.0,0.0703376474949231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227619591171256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638185976938585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058640903185838214,0.056558151836416125,0.0,0.07007441390772261,0.05146939982475098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623464749136935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006251148985007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508657261730843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270259074841726,0.0,0.0,0.056841277467219564
bpd,MelodramaticErratic,2019/08/12,"Is It Real? I was diagnosed with BPD almost a year ago, and I still haven't accepted it. It's hard because my psychiatrist says there isnt a quick fix and I'm so tired of my mood swings and how irritable I get over the smallest things. How I can be full of energy and then the next couple hours feel like I haven't slept for days. 
How does a person accept this without feeling so different or isolated.",2.6008605851979354,4.302346710843377,4.3885025817555965,84.71807228915665,75.86746987951805,8.11635111876076,23.9053356282272,8.841846274778883,1.6624540447504303,319,10,67,7,7,108,62,83,0.17,0.742,0.08800000000000001,-0.6993,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,7,3,1,3,0,16,12,11,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,7,3,6,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,9,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999380039737272,0.0,0.22585748161928115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374942440980244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28407451429065583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495687046015639,0.0,0.1454622095794425,0.0,0.0,0.2289302630942804,0.0,0.23565355672828686,0.0,0.0,0.1973818431751546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280914684710858,0.16113420447816873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784147217941293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205005159248413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221230249369699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019318461273894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398768288921745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694307497655028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567272538723668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936779257427332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801259068462274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984655038208244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592385392641348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742382360879686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524792226990485
bpd,cmsarz,2019/08/12,"Thank you! Thank you to everyone I’ve talked to and interacted with on here the past week or so.  I’ve learned a lot and it’s helped me accept the things I cannot change and move on.  I forgave my ex a long time ago and now I’m forgiving myself.

All of you are special and valued in this world.  Don’t give up!  I’ve seen a lot of what you go through and can’t even begin to understand how it must feel.  

There are good people in this world that will care about you no matter what and when it gets hard try to remember that.  No one is harder on you than you, so please know others don’t see you how you might see yourself at times.  

Everyone deserves happiness and I hope you find yours.",2.5391849529780544,3.649266379310348,3.5481504702194364,93.10235109717873,74.86206896551724,7.2037617554858935,22.14733542319749,7.686295010490155,0.5844482758620688,535,13,126,7,11,172,94,145,0.037000000000000005,0.733,0.23,0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,11,0,0,10,9,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,2,2,27,25,14,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,5,17,9,17,21,3,20,0,0,3,0,17,9,0,5,9,84,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015397585313878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270434969470605,0.0,0.17919211345671548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188046858016758,0.0,0.0,0.32371872457986944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564865150303001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548193512986598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849926085313432,0.16249428106119573,0.09626821575728348,0.14207625869080162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031875827276325,0.15174012926491925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353851711957964,0.0,0.0,0.16824244714242234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309229005137196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499047809327497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880185668049643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969597515945368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003471633181856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478301823411632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170188015960374,0.1174336675125548,0.0,0.0,0.18593930516611168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188579988721507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699637283560216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361492304949061,0.0,0.31190302700185474,0.0,0.0,0.11253516020247936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754529143073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500466127765258,0.0,0.0,0.17634091836397914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587440549767768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skizo66,2019/08/12,What are your biggest triggers?  Looking for some people I can relate to because I’m feeling alone lately,4.638947368421054,7.698807894736844,4.883421052631579,76.97144736842105,75.3157894736842,3.8,35.8157894736842,3.1291,2.2334,86,5,11,0,2,27,18,19,0.10800000000000001,0.8109999999999999,0.081,-0.128,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5079014792063267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989403313126281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479585221971848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531870884873362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118084162135914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399782499970651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_user02,2019/08/12,"Just broke up with girlfriend with BPD Hi everyone! I’m not a borderliner; just had a relationship with one though. Went pretty much as you all described a million times already: 

It started getting serious while she was (unbeknownst to me) still with her previous boyfriend, though she quickly broke up with him. She started out being almost obsessed with me, showering me with love and attention, and honestly being the best girlfriend I could have imagined. After a couple months she got more distant, I asked her why, how she was feeling, if I could do anything, but all I got was: “It’s me, it’s not your fault”. My suspicions started growing, one night I couldn’t control myself anymore and looked through her phone. She’d been cheating on me with some dude online, everything from pictures to sexting. Ironically she’d been so concerned about me falling in love with someone else before, going as far as hating female NPCs in video games we were playing. If another girl would dare to hold my hand, she'd ""cut hers off"". Nice double standards…

I was absolutely devastated, and told her what I had seen after she’d woken up. She was furious that I touched her phone, though ended up promising that she would stop contacting him, and that I was more important. In turn, I promised that I was never going to touch her phone again, which I didn’t. We were together for another couple weeks. As I would later find out (I contacted him), she just continued texting him like nothing ever happened. When I confronted her, she (finally) broke up with me. After two weeks, she came back, after having broken up with the online dude. In my naivete we got back together. She was still very distant though, and broke up again after two weeks. Now she is with another online dude, a friend of the previous one. To her credit, she didn’t cheat, just told me she was in love with someone else (even if just after I specifically asked).

I think she was genuinely scared of me, scared that I was going to look through her phone again or find out more. Quite understandable actually, how much faith can you have in other people's promises if you just thrown your own in the trash?

After having thought about this (a lot) there are two ways for me to think about her right now. The easy, tempting way, just labeling her as an asshole, just hating her. With how much pain she caused, it would honestly be quite satisfying to just tell everyone and rip her apart. I'm trying not to do that though, because I don’t want to be a hypocrite, and because it likely wouldn’t change anything about her. That’s what all her previous exes did after all.

To other way, and what I’m really trying to do is to understand how she felt, and, however irrational it may seem, why she acted like she did. I might try asking her directly in the future, though she likely hates my guts right now, not sure if that’s ever going to change. We were actually breaking up very peacefully, though she got really mad when I told her please not to do “anything rash”, i.e. suicide (which she hinted at before). She might have misunderstood that as me telling her to not break up with me, not sure…

Why did you stay with me, continually telling me I’m more important, when all your time was spent and attention is on another dude/boyfriend? Why did you act annoyed as fuck whenever I was around you, yet be totally outraged when I suggest leaving you alone? Why try a second time, when you know from the beginning that you don’t want to meet me, don’t want to talk to me?

I don’t want to put all the blame on her, I too did shitty things. Looking through her phone; later I low-key stalked her online to find out if she was still cheating. What I’m kicking myself for most is not being supportive enough when I should have, and always pushing her to go see a therapist though she clearly didn’t want that. Her family previously had a bad experience (another family member), and was totally against it. Wouldn’t have helped anyway without her full compliance. She knows something is wrong, she might be somewhat in denial because of the stigma attached to mental illness. She’s unsure if it’s borderline or bipolar, though (in my uneducated opinion) borderline sounds more realistic.

I’m not sure if I could ever be with her again, given the chance. I sometimes tend to idealize the relationship, but the rational part of me is slowly coming back to life. I don’t want us the hate each other though, and I want to do all I can to help her, if that’s still possible. I didn’t text her for over a week, not sure if I want to yet. What do you think?

I feel like kind of a dick for asking you these questions; asking you, the people who probably need it most, for emotional support. I really hope I don’t offend anyone, very sorry if I do. This has kind of opened my eyes to the seriousness of mental illnesses. Seeing how my ex acted and what she thought of herself combined with experiencing what it’s like to feel like shit for weeks on end. If I always felt like this, or even more awful, like I imagine you people have to, I'd probably act just like her. You are all wonderful people, you will get through this!

Sorry if this is incohesive, so are my thoughts...

(Throwaway for obvious reasons)",5.7174056459971965,6.7241684949698195,6.0130126211816375,78.77685506981284,67.26961770623743,9.203316870922503,30.855374672276078,9.379193490209856,2.709652448021462,4140,157,766,79,66,1325,373,994,0.16,0.7090000000000001,0.131,-0.9918,2,1,1,0,0,1,148.0,5,18,0,5,64,62,16,3,28,1,94,15,6,8,19,172,175,64,1,35,39,1,8,10,3,12,5,1,1,1,42,46,0,3,26,3,2,16,25,29,0,8,50,17,157,33,123,97,31,118,1,4,7,5,127,37,3,31,69,582,199,1,0.0,0.0,0.08092380502636648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415192006905199,0.04294315876788223,0.04575544659299452,0.0,0.06900106759883218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738783011086946,0.0,0.0,0.04112015011117282,0.02899189052643185,0.0,0.10236153729687064,0.036910856673471666,0.1938115185656447,0.0,0.0,0.09564745257812958,0.03461986934416222,0.07582637166016111,0.0,0.0705639105779087,0.0,0.04351285572897255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052221191369596937,0.0,0.0,0.04742262100059515,0.0,0.0425939179012015,0.0877247029147548,0.0357166992512493,0.0,0.0,0.04650427513962823,0.0993144841311284,0.09175603179612206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927402467404284,0.04664028918723475,0.07344781431360263,0.04284235812386531,0.0,0.054771834981060884,0.11251695973258327,0.0,0.07923933814356192,0.03726426681908508,0.04055876573827726,0.07817524411801566,0.0,0.06289480906731637,0.0592423445605729,0.07962195591989142,0.0454206848909705,0.11368928020437667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032034207481127085,0.03833187122738474,0.04332540766863558,0.0,0.1178218793301017,0.0,0.13264698091881247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036665589999863225,0.0,0.0,0.16374449584053669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558354378192449,0.0,0.0,0.041182110106607564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635465866147987,0.04557395596756236,0.0,0.0,0.0439033254659661,0.0,0.0,0.02928653993837545,0.20256725231603945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445542052985284,0.0,0.0,0.03525035605571186,0.11226591682589812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356989455606924,0.13195705769423854,0.0,0.0,0.033095367439655334,0.0,0.0914402174897918,0.030744285798323782,0.031978818253407336,0.0,0.0,0.03891021251005073,0.0,0.039784862459375216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428919649423369,0.0,0.04411955058601727,0.0,0.0,0.044900383602831585,0.0,0.11498088164708666,0.0,0.0,0.045513917971097474,0.0,0.04674329751309035,0.0,0.04218277265424823,0.0894082439651263,0.0,0.0,0.041681762648319534,0.04644804422858891,0.08820199902142861,0.0,0.0,0.07968676994188173,0.042630865041099635,0.0,0.08903148017943907,0.0,0.07081834323891924,0.0,0.0,0.083023383576212,0.0,0.06608127838592671,0.03774635387523373,0.0,0.0,0.04256116905642055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026292309392919,0.031920239645775575,0.041007962769931273,0.0928288577061756,0.08804316490217687,0.04419403639140339,0.13244960711138934,0.03466492084019552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045353787376418216,0.09410343190234884,0.15631353031223566,0.0,0.0,0.033326385204232624,0.10872145690564128,0.0,0.0,0.04814173355248239,0.027546171831416808,0.07970343997001371,0.4073718257390992,0.09875096093101006,0.0725322183633188,0.0,0.0,0.11885900721534287,0.0,0.11260260900746676,0.04509983272093397,0.12150996542646215,0.08632888120342308,0.04987487840000791,0.0,0.0,0.1026339409670089,0.1956475921891785,0.0987341876875854,0.16629556996215006,0.0,0.0,0.03843661224195606,0.1870695214773717,0.0,0.0,0.0399688480655723,0.044964849942547486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781648952828755,0.04533327662506959,0.0,0.0
bpd,ColorfulPlants,2019/08/12,"I feel like all my friends leave me when I reach a new transitional period in my life. Can anyone relate? It's happened between middle school and junior high, between junior high and high school, and now between high school and college. I know I have bad flaws, but I try really hard to work on them and to be a good, loyal friend. I get very angry and accusatory sometimes, but I'd drop everything to help a friend in a split second if they needed or even just wanted me to because I know I'd appreciate the same.

Now, as the summer is coming to an end, I'm realizing how lonely I've been all summer. Acquaintances dropped off the face of the Earth the day after graduation. My two best friends of 3 years either don't respond or respond plainly and unenthusiastically to my texts. The only person here for me right now is my boyfriend, but even he says that I'm so emotionally exhausting to deal with and if this dynamic continues he'll have to leave for his own good. I don't blame him. 

I always expect my life to fix itself when I just move on, meet new people, and get to a better environment. But I'm starting to realize that the problem is me, and I don't know how to handle it. I feel annoying and worthless, and I just wish I had the courage to actually take all my pills at once so I could pass out and finally die. It feels like I'd be doing the world a favor.",5.607152527075812,5.436461166064984,6.753210740072203,77.48086304151624,67.30324909747293,9.668682310469316,29.947879061371843,9.354420925462401,2.400408122743681,1081,35,219,19,16,366,154,277,0.11800000000000001,0.669,0.213,0.9861,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,3,15,20,1,0,16,0,15,5,1,2,3,48,34,28,1,8,12,0,4,2,4,1,4,1,0,1,7,16,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,6,0,2,2,5,30,14,30,28,7,36,0,2,0,0,17,14,0,4,19,143,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.10303715979117227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785639807255588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382851203911713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816028876550504,0.06436452965920422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080648190617287,0.09338264878929343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095339119966384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430220145697788,0.0,0.0,0.06809453562357476,0.10885501016617807,0.0,0.0,0.10958208176125313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877056270712458,0.09351826915797244,0.0,0.0,0.13947772997477126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948943073916985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016306919312254,0.15086198482393615,0.0,0.11566481248405397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263033668711967,0.0,0.11032914113508108,0.0,0.0,0.17712183634002165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336976318458083,0.0,0.0945847342460138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707723824967419,0.4462315937389972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408268117702536,0.0,0.0,0.223601644036718,0.0,0.0,0.14915768700583215,0.103168427824401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222170352558383,0.0,0.07829102666230849,0.0,0.20395213363931167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244614032708433,0.0,0.08030326530605894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320036095275466,0.09219402945672246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103198820417797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764139381952239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017026505460456,0.0,0.0839665956985227,0.0,0.3205774217718395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442771471902876,0.0,0.07473464408971209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938788203879965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168627954051973,0.0,0.1031426349744424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711989236434503,0.0622776333014319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214192250560822,0.0,0.0,0.07686820478121913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799422231969206
bpd,AnalQueenLiv,2019/08/12,"What a shitty disorder to have Welp, i'm not even angry about it anymore, i just think it is a shitty, tiring disorder. Just having to consciously cope with symptoms every fucking instant i am awake is the hardest most consuming thing you have to do. Sometimes i cry just because i would really love to live just one day of my life as someone without BPD, try to feel all my emotions as they should be, it would be great. Like fucking hell i'm crying right now because i'm thinking about the fact that until i was 16 my only friend was my cat, why the fuck do i need to cry about it? Now i have a group of really close friends who get me and knows a little about my condition and they really care about it and me, stop crying you attention wohring slack.


Sorry for my english.",5.778014336917561,5.697152722580648,6.2763440860215045,80.73896057347673,66.93548387096774,9.21146953405018,31.415770609319,8.841846274778883,2.437394265232974,612,22,120,9,9,199,95,155,0.204,0.6659999999999999,0.13,-0.9109999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,2,0,12,10,4,0,7,0,16,7,0,0,2,25,30,6,0,4,6,0,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,19,6,19,23,2,8,1,0,0,4,9,3,4,1,6,84,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217867737142899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149718149406634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466505835278274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520501618565175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395697537834427,0.07919725283666257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814838957205205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813593408238636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110968776525017,0.0,0.10346614078241582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209247663230589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975333344226267,0.3405859352113384,0.06415907536273567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538984707887794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748887160772361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673881789600585,0.059994946645478886,0.12308005483112053,0.10843658286881412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108337702346079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105626724136301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321394152055354,0.09339659853487188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360106807172798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048723985630068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404989636722953,0.0,0.12145450512323533,0.13746699680148095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266812885591996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763849465583482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158431782125664,0.1573733685575091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114305150779385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337462549233797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108098750583834,0.0,0.0,0.11837692814404592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744703036248755,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnidentifiablePity,2019/08/12,I am fed up with my family doctor I fucking hate this doctor with my life. Every time I come in she makes me wait over 30 minutes in the waiting area. If my appointment is at 12 she won’t see me till 12:45 and when she does see me she’s always judging me and talking to me like I’m retarded. Whenever I ask her for medication for my anxiety she refuses because she thinks I’m a drug addict because I smoke weed and she doesn’t agree with that. She even went behind my back and sent in a referral for a fucking rehab center without even telling me. I swear every time I see her I imagine 1000 different ways to kill her or knock her out. Sorry for the rant but I’m soooo fed up with her bullshit.,2.364223744292236,3.8772154452054792,4.1878767123287695,86.70775114155255,76.05479452054793,7.3324200913242015,25.865296803652967,8.07648339933343,1.53070502283105,549,20,116,9,12,186,87,146,0.129,0.846,0.025,-0.9135,1,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,4,0,5,0,4,11,0,1,0,20,23,9,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,10,2,3,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,4,3,32,1,21,18,0,19,0,0,3,2,18,10,2,2,6,75,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365624552432096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325471035786334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186106893459375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892033598904791,0.0,0.0,0.12248885652623664,0.0,0.19421082964232145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721947210052626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643050427527695,0.0,0.3260925856928316,0.1394010773718205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847328853221336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104271234362572,0.0,0.2684276438211416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017017185355758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945333272510116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572719046666899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623751626139705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251553570853252,0.07782402072523201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633137362394472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047404673687565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808150665907745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783189252810187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280361590127518,0.13923179946021452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020704991087954,0.0,0.0,0.1857736562586864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644181756979175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766906661984874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355574134785518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,minimoose23,2019/08/12,"Manic episode Hey guys, 

I’m in the middle of an intense mania which I would normally ride out but I’m sat at my desk at work. I’m pretty freaking manic right now and it feels beautiful but I’m absolutely going to come down with a massive thud. What are some things I can do to help myself come down gently, or what do you usually do when you know these feelings of euphoria aren’t really real?",1.2703703703703724,3.632626160493828,3.5076543209876583,85.94444444444447,83.69135802469137,6.562962962962962,21.34567901234568,7.793537801064563,1.161404938271605,313,10,62,6,9,107,61,81,0.039,0.7020000000000001,0.259,0.9705,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,15,18,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,11,16,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,40,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748264378211834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787129342197237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663525586775126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728967808554248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847352684369752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146779813885092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700388366869231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28039399072041804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137040008579268,0.1765625319350508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353690455547746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310273514236294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30354497603263153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064703127919456,0.0,0.0,0.195785113168586,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gentriofied,2019/08/12,"Does anybody else CONSTANTLY have a headache? I'm talking like from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. There's just this persistent pressure in my brain that sometimes builds up to the point of unbearable, and it has previously driven me to using drugs or alcohol to medicate myself away from it (not anymore BC it's not a long term solution and I don't like becoming dependent on things like this to help it). Coffee sometimes helps with some relief too, but only if I don't drink it regularly; if I drink coffee multiple times in a short time frame (a coffee a day for a few days) it ceases to help. Sometimes if I become really engaged with something or if I'm really happy and enjoying myself, I'll forget the pain is there, or maybe it will be a little less present, but it's almost always with me. It's been like this for years, and a lot of things I've read online, and doctors I've visited, suggest it could be tension or stress, but surely I can't be stressed 24/7 even without reason? Am I the only one dealing with this?",6.073261562998402,5.963542287081343,6.898193779904307,76.62693979266349,66.32057416267943,9.837480063795855,31.770733652312607,9.516144504307137,2.8311336523125994,834,30,157,15,12,278,123,209,0.075,0.748,0.177,0.9707,0,0,5,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,2,5,14,0,4,13,0,13,9,2,3,1,33,18,17,0,5,15,0,0,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,17,9,3,0,1,3,0,3,6,5,0,1,2,0,13,9,24,11,5,24,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,12,16,108,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033145269205415,0.12211904799416665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147527584357513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094533375976635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457954716430907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693766346287685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361406991899529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178866113604565,0.0,0.09737013279331913,0.0,0.0,0.15730013834930673,0.12572894434444856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482481393527375,0.10672253408242216,0.0,0.0,0.2389364612627355,0.14142761319806665,0.0,0.10187669563988164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054929085265337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930911721506665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982201711011415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24522905082107815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383217364131692,0.12222967943663955,0.0,0.10792521655290746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368070317793576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251891707110316,0.0,0.0,0.1228555563924388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826390060572573,0.18550261965764805,0.12976737090040158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528569715782097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198673598640478,0.0,0.15625336906280593,0.1253887494798421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093885942225709,0.3618460825610991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793951795410032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149399506304567,0.0,0.0,0.0980217915215556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204128326123746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422244055460338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532886975940076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755904723632238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853420601151899
bpd,theinwardtruth,2019/08/12,Sometimes I feel like the love I have for people will be too much if I unleash it on them I feel too deeply. I don't know if it's a blessing or if it's my detriment.,-1.0965384615384617,0.4625756923076949,1.5253205128205138,101.49259615384615,86.94871794871796,3.9,20.006410256410245,3.1291,-0.7653128205128206,128,4,34,0,4,44,28,39,0.0,0.732,0.268,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45742465639354796,0.3231456161457329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24858948764727998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209862558484188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082467153515779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325155977582493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135896133114495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473672841432382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuggufugg,2019/08/12,"alone time whenever I have a drastic mood swing, I just prefer to be alone to simply not mess up other peoples day and wait for that mood swing to go away. I found it helps me, because once I regain clear thinking, there's no words that shouldn't have been said, and no actions that shouldn't have been done, but some people around me don't understand it... how should I tell them that I'm doing it for my own good?",10.800901960784316,5.7058970117647085,9.342352941176467,78.5472549019608,61.235294117647065,12.274509803921568,36.568627450980394,7.793537801064563,2.6158627450980387,326,7,72,2,3,100,59,85,0.076,0.813,0.111,0.5866,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,12,0,0,1,1,18,19,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,5,1,9,1,8,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018208453380482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566458813791808,0.0,0.0,0.2276131719156572,0.0,0.0,0.14768069783864354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623898120802682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24791819000247114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656278347538921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768310664880548,0.2031979145319199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238314627888584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580011779887395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359080053806473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304466881773264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174771091275768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155231740319395,0.0,0.0,0.14126495029575092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522033391672072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brotonius,2019/08/12,Anyone else get suicidal over relatively small mistakes? I didnt pass my drivers test and now i wanna kill myself pretty badly,3.700724637681159,6.927137913043481,5.356521739130431,70.31420289855075,82.91304347826087,6.544927536231885,25.057971014492754,7.793537801064563,2.3546927536231888,104,4,14,2,3,35,22,23,0.44799999999999995,0.455,0.09699999999999999,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708980467212325,0.39696486301941736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234854579258121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236456407630189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241467696171964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286307003033121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941526582029371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237823815070091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unicornbun,2019/08/12,"How do those in relationships deal with the infatuation/devaluation splitting? Hey everyone. I suspected I had BPD for a while but was officially diagnosed like 3 weeks ago. The reddit community, for the most part, made me feel like we have our own support system here and I'm really happy to be a part of it! I have a ton of questions but here's one I've been dealing with lately:

For those of you in romantic relationships who split frequently on your partner, how do you know which side to trust? Even when I'm not with him I do a 180. Sometimes I'm obsessed with him and thinking about him makes me smile and I'll just stare at pictures and daydream about him, etc. Other times I focus on all the things I dislike and blow them out of proportion and make up fake fights and think about breaking up with him and why I like someone else better, etc. 

I think I can understand splitting while I'm with him as a symptom of BPD, but what do I make out of the fact that I even do it when we're not together? Which side do I trust? Can anyone relate? Thanks in advance!",4.288873239436619,5.358939389671368,5.238140845070422,82.79946478873241,70.59624413145539,8.496901408450704,28.284507042253523,8.841846274778883,2.032761126760564,842,30,173,15,15,276,121,213,0.064,0.745,0.192,0.9863,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,2,3,1,2,12,12,1,1,10,0,14,2,0,6,2,40,30,18,0,0,6,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,11,17,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,2,26,9,31,25,8,24,0,0,1,0,21,12,0,2,12,125,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856390052618487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352315720283418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829359554355963,0.0,0.0,0.3369142612707831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757867914957731,0.0,0.1357564064934363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117334085846675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983397415304193,0.1766850950458486,0.0,0.0,0.12780665460730378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762949924775402,0.09555311852380988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238247903450482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350711131486096,0.0,0.15087912870754436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960347735711881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656025453113795,0.2678433542450625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906344455994673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28968277390029123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983389021126886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568555064810511,0.0,0.0,0.2872011781788234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133284218918602,0.0,0.13228506589467545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178123770690036,0.0,0.13902050532511787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314172587555508,0.0,0.0,0.08885950214861482,0.25711042676317863,0.0,0.0,0.07799240795833935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924151515010227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072885310292262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069121362773312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smokiflips,2019/08/12,"Has anybody had any experience with MBT (mentalization based therapy), does it help? I’m 16 and was recently diagnosed with BPD. My psych recommended this therapy program in which they use MBT. I’ve heard a lot about DBT used for the treatment for BPD and I didn’t even know MBT existed until my psych recommended it to me.",4.668196721311475,6.7392781147541,5.997508196721313,73.79298360655739,71.13114754098359,10.781639344262297,31.872131147540983,10.793553405168565,3.99811868852459,259,12,48,9,5,87,48,61,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,8,9,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,5,0,8,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,27,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606307550175554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5410354528411665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800510487810326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879622590776116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186532212654804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101036917424984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396774083403316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804176263502872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826049143194952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645559283120408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120770491843588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912571570489722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37101540881288575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LameLurker0,2019/08/12,"Anyone else found it hard to enjoy things or express interest spontaneously as a kid? Hey everyone. I am 24 (F) and I've been suffering of borderline personality disorder and depression accompanying it for a fairly long time now. I have been trying to go through my life as  constructive as possible and find things and situations that might of been indicating my condition when I was a child or even be cause of it. And this particular thing came to my mind.

When I was a kid, I had hard time expressing my interest on anything, like music, books and movies. I would go to book stores and libraries and just admire some very neat looking books and read the text on the back but I would never go read or buy them. I would look at the advertisments for comics etc but I could never dear to take and read them. It's been a very peculiar problem I have had. All this was something that caused me feel shame, as if I was doing something wrong. I'd get this weird feeling on my stomach. 

I had big sisters who were often acting like asses and required me to act older than I was. I have been wondering if that was the cause of my behaviour or if I got it from other pattern of behaviour, like from my dad who felt to be very ashamed of whatever he was doing and it was sometimes very difficult to talk to him about anything as he was often way too critical about things that I talked about out of my childish mind.

When I was 14 I kind of wanted to break this mold of being uninterested and bland and became hyper. At that time I started to also show symptoms of mania...

Has someone experienced something similar or closely related?",5.411190476190477,6.395230270700637,6.250345768880802,76.88253715498941,67.94904458598727,9.675219896875948,31.19441916894145,9.842372674337009,2.988127267212618,1291,51,243,29,21,426,166,314,0.124,0.807,0.069,-0.9626,0,0,3,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,1,14,19,0,2,9,0,34,4,2,3,3,53,50,33,0,9,11,2,5,3,0,4,2,0,0,4,22,17,0,1,6,8,2,6,2,9,0,0,23,8,32,10,41,19,3,29,0,2,2,1,18,8,1,13,16,178,54,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897235516276124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905005861650418,0.10118362753789076,0.1625298206287594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593459282482086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294657576241778,0.0,0.3043381243216744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884585225042114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505540141556935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317894429278455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249505943710053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013516468242088,0.06522510859593146,0.0,0.0,0.09436226551969087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986448334147392,0.0,0.09481790638000633,0.0,0.09025801490964423,0.0,0.0,0.10827704185834146,0.0,0.0,0.051594116230119086,0.0,0.16836999987909698,0.0,0.07898141205551784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692572323422445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283555391027582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975182586233021,0.1447364803628919,0.0,0.0,0.08739287330014926,0.1658544919385226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476081878070387,0.1994237895497281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232806379916167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622689205364792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132862930290664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944928255352642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963377337436003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100197088761414,0.0,0.0,0.08367269036456053,0.2280735452471644,0.09766876811381477,0.0,0.06989754246088566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264168072059604,0.07424960569860603,0.15874707099424726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26242714705141673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275016698225104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704647930123969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32592468726630985,0.05824679532593827,0.07838515441717632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709289624919614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045287217046416,0.10797037900599812,0.0,0.0
bpd,_roguelegate,2019/08/12,"Volcano of emotions? I'm pretty emotional in general when I'm upset, but if I'm really upset I kind of freak out, have a rainbow of emotions in about 20 mins, then I'm back to a normal logical me. 

I feel like I'm a valcano that needs to eurrpt to feel better almost, 

Anyelse this way?",3.575499999999998,4.080156883333334,6.190000000000001,77.40000000000002,71.83333333333334,9.333333333333334,30.0,9.516144504307137,2.793,223,9,44,5,4,81,40,60,0.14400000000000002,0.684,0.17300000000000001,0.2047,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,9,4,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,3,10,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276877117452829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106354909243227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675416482468847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7507369893927615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497220717420646,0.15893061619404178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166536054734466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868623944619507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495661414538973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797062731333036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632912658809914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425181885616405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765841128784924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,butterfly_snail,2019/08/12,"Advice for someone in a relationship with someone with BPD please. I'm currently in a long term relationship (13yrs) with someone suffering from BPD. We have a two year old together and I feel as though we've hit a rough patch and I'm not sure if we can recover from it. He's currently in crisis due to a 'favourite person' relationship he's developed, this is a fairly new term we've learnt but applies to alot of past relationships with people over the course of our relationship, we just never linked it with his BPD, as its a fairly recent diagnosis. It's been an emotionally intense few weeks but while me and his FP have been supportive, he's still convinced his FP relationship is ending. Because he is devoting so much time and energy into his FP, I am being pushed away and this is putting strain on our relationship. We barely speak, he sleeps most the day til I wake him up at lunchtime, then we spend a couple of hours out shopping or doing errands, then he'll go for a lie down til tea time. Evenings after the baby is in bed are spent with me watching TV or reading while he sits with his headphones on either messaging his FP or moping because he isn't. I tried to explain how rejected I feel but it falls on deaf ears. I had a milestone birthday recently that he barely acknowledged. I don't know how much of this is his BPD or if our relationship has just ran its course. He's been going to therapy for years now but has only recently started working on his BPD, but even then he says he doesn't really try at the treatment, he just 'goes through the motions'. I can't really turn to family or friends as they don't understand BPD and will just cause more tension.

TL;DR - I don't know if to stay with BPD partner of 13 years who regularly pushes me aside for his FP relationships.",8.07069685828877,6.6738636732954575,8.274498663101607,72.61796122994652,62.83522727272727,11.805080213903745,36.33088235294117,10.843485225782073,3.753728074866309,1431,55,276,31,17,471,186,352,0.052000000000000005,0.888,0.06,0.569,2,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,8,0,1,1,14,9,0,2,17,0,26,5,3,3,2,55,43,33,0,3,19,0,3,0,2,2,1,4,1,2,11,21,1,0,8,3,3,8,8,4,0,1,6,8,31,5,48,33,9,59,0,2,1,0,49,16,0,10,33,178,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374839082326343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061291875780466326,0.0,0.0,0.07953517725637453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751419594849542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701589571300992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218298950746538,0.0,0.04207217072576748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338232569838755,0.0577802102615461,0.0,0.0,0.08617623740589088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061499203000110116,0.0,0.06597110844356878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040158815124112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415085690132492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424484994618711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170459142631047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773228407906687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959127246521422,0.0,0.05031444052802647,0.06300585581339196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845477364020988,0.0,0.0,0.04961532752744763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227565807711982,0.04522680204791479,0.056962029503242514,0.0,0.07161012958039056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655807400778086,0.0,0.0,0.06525419286411918,0.0,0.08358439463147108,0.0,0.19323963599662533,0.6303566584609377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187871416024037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528365197842448,0.0,0.1658241232049648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617475802541897,0.0695334705018932,0.05209798425913072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402965129002899,0.06148466589898804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460366768742728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409456827492223,0.0,0.0760799009370979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858265538944893,0.07095862121232682,0.06372661929495436,0.0679135377164521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052328816522438884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474929773046146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603057662131234
bpd,t4ngeriine,2019/08/12,"morals vs lust This isn't BPD specific, yet I know some of us abstain from relationships/sex for very similar reasons, so I'm venting here..

So, I've been a good girl. It's been over a year since I got laid. And a couple weeks ago I finally crossed paths with someone I definitely want to bang. He's not a stranger. He's my brother's best friend that he's had since childhood, actually. I didn't recognize him at first, and he looks really good. Thought about him a bit that day then let it go cause he's married. But I found out today that he's separated from his wife- who happens to be *my* childhood friend. Our friendship ended simply because I became a socially anxious loner and we went our separate paths. I see her from time to time; it's always awkward. And now I want to approach her husband for sex :/ 

I'm thinking this could be messy...But fuck, why would it have to be? Why, why why?!! This is irking the shit out of me. I like the idea of getting with this guy because 1, he's attractive, and 2, I know that he's a decent dude. 

I keep trying to think of a way to approach him responsibly and not just go on impulse. Is it responsible to approach him at all? Feeling like a home wrecking slut....Someone help me out",1.4229193697868396,3.6609969036144574,3.167489959839357,89.41080861909178,81.97188755020079,6.079765214704974,25.64118010503553,7.321109707123232,1.2581089280197713,955,40,201,14,26,317,143,249,0.048,0.7709999999999999,0.18100000000000002,0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,0,0,2,7,11,2,1,11,0,14,4,1,2,1,35,35,10,0,4,5,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,14,12,0,2,9,0,0,7,4,3,0,1,8,3,27,8,27,21,4,30,1,0,2,3,29,7,2,1,17,113,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.1175356433544046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676604234173027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021877826588957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606705912802178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684268118474222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639819619519474,0.0,0.1314932881281994,0.0,0.15169458041077608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237288222389262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616446633933164,0.1332686250392031,0.0,0.07767620021414827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667733808996532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608999362216585,0.08604497872389398,0.0,0.13194014835359025,0.0,0.102449320375286,0.0,0.13206026252387001,0.18610895443762154,0.11134822798361807,0.06292684411299962,0.0,0.13690182149765706,0.20204486447928666,0.09632980206647662,0.0,0.0,0.11925816500564244,0.10650793566117236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073085016451738,0.0,0.12081481690769967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596623793551313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070558639795404,0.0,0.0,0.13238537740798229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316180831740915,0.0,0.11768538227159404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114234453698748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715929627795654,0.12383614803401498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959780075373471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236336918495633,0.1992644895218844,0.0,0.0,0.12277714918434257,0.2041030539064564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543508751453702,0.0,0.09561881674669356,0.14046333991136795,0.0,0.11416651181889735,0.0,0.0,0.08177334276832961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487889980105742,0.0,0.0,0.09937863794734628,0.1420815890404739,0.0956025755104144,0.09661264344216323,0.0,0.0,0.1116524846242746,0.4347266973258038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555972429838744,0.0,0.0,0.0775617717037666
bpd,Powerful_Caterpillar,2019/08/12,"I’m making a List of Things I want to do to Better Myself I’m making a list of things that I want to achieve in order to feel better and make my mental health better.  I’m posting it here to help me feel accountable. But also. If you have any advice in helping me achieve these, that would be great! Or share your own!

1.   Start getting better/more sleep.
2. Find a method to handle disassociation. (This is the one I need the most help with) 
3.  Get a job.
4.  Ask for validation. Ask for help.
5. When you think people don’t love you, make a list of 5 things they’ve done for you.",-0.6271268838113748,1.5693632148760381,1.521419543023821,96.83207583859993,94.53719008264463,3.8387943607194943,13.729217306757413,5.5289334501034215,-1.1041856101118133,443,8,102,3,17,147,77,121,0.0,0.742,0.258,0.9829,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,5,0,5,3,6,0,0,7,0,7,3,1,4,0,18,26,6,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,12,6,15,23,2,6,0,0,0,1,13,2,0,3,2,59,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586337094338666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118622132450873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454855245480437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599578713565268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918605563845063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228105395925675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060052437816392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707545066082368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528007463830767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328655359887475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778767957992048,0.0,0.0,0.3727688589134948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379707617814696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548449553779786,0.0,0.37122770858815496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011455600694164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030926741565408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421369904962353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638934730532238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315707568697524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913538696018152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840967272760193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771059834180144,0.08908799963549678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640128640764395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876645895177588,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rrryork,2019/08/12,"Helping Memory Loss I have bpd and a bunch of other mental health issues INCLUDING memory loss. And I actually had a big amnesia event before I was diagnosed. I think, because bpd is often caused by trauma that something severe must have happened in my life. But as far as I remember I don't have any extreme traumas, more lidie disturbing events. They are trauma in their own way, but not necessarily bpd causing. I want to see if I can remember what (if anything) happened to me. Does anyone have tips to remembering repressed trauma?",5.265204081632653,7.4632571020408225,6.646683673469387,69.2277806122449,69.81632653061224,9.389795918367346,31.637755102040817,9.827888789773867,3.6574857142857145,428,19,66,11,8,145,72,98,0.201,0.768,0.031,-0.9311,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,2,1,8,0,2,2,0,11,3,0,2,1,17,16,8,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,1,12,0,9,13,3,7,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,3,2,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.14276515781598947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994872481032876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102294542997363,0.0,0.12039029406912365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918153657546271,0.0,0.12448831127609712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527693581479809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005754565883328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848878049627548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802583978648324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25874061364471523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550729401177205,0.0,0.0,0.09806006276413858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269647534713993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333417947473354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474333687235236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971793024389178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658008585205992,0.0,0.0,0.1652744190236453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262688523033652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937414660790176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628999639261205,0.11612406577981164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrose9999,2019/08/12,"I was really anxious the other day and ‘switched off’ my emotions- it wasn’t a good choice I’ve done it before and I just kinda switched them back on when I felt that I was in a good place to deal with everything. Now I’m at that point but somehow can’t switch them back on. What do I do? Feelin like I’m on a boring, numb, auto-pilot setting.",0.18918918918918948,2.2157092027027048,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,85.35135135135134,5.321621621621622,18.70945945945946,6.6274283507984215,-0.012589189189188943,267,7,61,3,8,90,51,74,0.11199999999999999,0.784,0.10400000000000001,-0.1397,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,8,3,8,5,0,14,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,6,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28849046294635483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927207970221438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172973335112019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468969861845478,0.2632707404963953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613276896575293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872519505105302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22950615261315155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24519104126515706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283771315636456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475874260502402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668027204327116,0.0,0.24140305176055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359375477424756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amsmolboy,2019/08/12,"seeking advice! to help a friend. hi, i don’t have BPD but in my first year at uni i became very close friends with a girl who does have it and i’m moving in with her in a few weeks. she’s a wonderful girl and i think the would of her. unfortunately i’m struggling to find any really decent information that shares a deeper understanding of the condition and information on how i can make things easier for her. i want to do whatever i can to help her, so any info to help me understand what she’s dealing with or things i can do to help would be greatly appreciated! thank you guys :)",2.7663025210084022,4.491116260504203,4.718226890756302,82.43044957983196,75.47058823529412,8.45747899159664,23.664705882352944,9.120678840339163,1.736276638655462,461,14,98,11,10,158,75,119,0.049,0.628,0.32299999999999995,0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,7,0,11,0,0,2,0,22,20,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,16,5,17,17,1,10,0,0,0,0,22,6,0,2,3,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454389963902935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290151851542311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120750469990168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359756914880736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473548719167884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390086419121635,0.14322821800733673,0.0,0.0,0.26018770843636985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564508679749994,0.0,0.16672765025685418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451459736967488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239831310127216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896663560123846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787176008692964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603259060397047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550263096854136,0.0,0.0,0.223735059755524,0.10789432625790896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505895031963496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893528204046873,0.09931785167228356,0.0,0.13506831188835616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826063790344946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392317840580473,0.0,0.0,0.10843443671396197
bpd,im-imperfectlyflawed,2019/08/12,How do I help my boyfriend help me? We’ve been together for almost a year and he’s aware I have BPD but how do I explain my feelings to him? When I get extremely upset  I dot know how to tell anyone or him that I am upset and he never knows how to respond when I’m upset and I don’t think he fully understands BPD  but I don’t know how to explain it or tell him what I need from him because honestly I don’t know,0.044408602150536325,1.6941046236559174,2.7776344086021503,93.55311827956993,83.40860215053762,5.853763440860216,21.086021505376344,6.937597516519254,0.37219569892473103,322,10,77,4,9,113,51,93,0.133,0.7809999999999999,0.086,-0.7334,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,1,0,8,0,0,5,1,24,20,14,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,9,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,17,1,6,19,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,0,0,3,4,50,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160788328778053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508828147865303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315413400482232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435506413883098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910804889717117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127394478614259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892740483405545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743620807393754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000282477693098,0.16642771561316366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772135160959334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382671631328646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464117304577114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895931760592128
bpd,kelseyc93,2019/08/12,"She left today I prepared myself mentally for the day that she would decide my emotions were too much. I just didn't imagine that it would be so soon. I loved her, and I mean truly. I had never been able to control the anger, and have so much care for someone the way that I did for her. She said that she needed space, and that she wasn't sure if she would be able to give me what I need. Just yesterday she was telling me that she wasn't going anywhere, and that I was the love of her life. I can't say that I blame her, because being with me is a drain, and emotionally exhausting, I'm sure. I'm just going to miss her so much, and I already feel like crumbling. I just wish that I could change and flip a switch to be normal, because then maybe people wouldn't leave.",5.067239475500344,4.457736869565217,5.385424430641823,88.3138026224983,68.5031055900621,8.149344375431331,27.20565907522429,6.937597516519254,1.04291663216011,600,15,136,4,9,191,86,161,0.07200000000000001,0.773,0.155,0.9234,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,6,0,21,4,0,1,3,30,36,12,0,10,5,0,1,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,11,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,10,3,31,6,9,17,3,11,0,1,0,2,19,2,0,1,7,100,42,0,0.2779235040543052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533477488648275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941958847880284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416807675069691,0.0,0.1470031079739595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585742105606304,0.11094965157300668,0.0,0.0,0.08961883403859748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126265345801282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026323715839904,0.09927430341406876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333047748764898,0.15795033210372592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471404309037286,0.15098235017410022,0.0,0.0981527950440188,0.06788969281124703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508368132670685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960575764022873,0.15137008599111815,0.0,0.0,0.1400407618904798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064586306522182,0.2060767567003344,0.10717586988361487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615301261299514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633858193930016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321844480988411,0.11050796272831499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774184154467655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619396134816149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145869625888485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317194925505604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030137062201123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979915685964266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29614332489794104,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hotmom18,2019/08/12,DAE get more and more socially awkward everytime they feel rejected.. Everytime I feel rejected by a guy I go into a sinking hole of social deprivation that I cant come out of.,6.6026470588235275,6.842855735294122,8.740000000000002,62.680000000000035,65.17647058823529,13.858823529411767,40.52941176470589,13.023866798666859,6.1256352941176475,141,8,24,6,2,51,26,34,0.242,0.758,0.0,-0.7893,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,5,6,2,4,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31459466831249233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693206448132772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908062970648271,0.0,0.2075563298112512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616136988947128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7445678717964094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bradyy122,2019/08/12,"Haven't been doing too well with my eating So I don't really have friend or family, or any professional support really to just talk about these kind of things.

I'm on social welfare, which means I get a monthly check for my rent and basic needs. 

I refused to buy any food this month but instead bought drugs and alcohol (just beer, an improvement lol) instead.

Last month, I had bought ridiculous amounts of food and found myself binge eating to the point of purging (kind of a routine habit when things get too stressed. when things aren't as stressful i tend to stick to binge eating) 

But I gained a lot of weight. Nearly 15 pounds in about a week and a half and it just kind of triggered my body dysmorphia for a while and I didn't go outside for about 2 weeks. 

I didn't buy food and have no money to, so I can lose weight. I don't really want to tell my parents, because they don't really know how to respond to these kind of things and we have a rough history with me and my mental illness. Scared to go for the psychologist due to being an 18 y/o with bad eating habits and bpd..

Just needed to let some things out anonymously i guess. I don't think i'll be telling my Dad or anyone that i didn't buy food or else they'll buy me some and i won't be able to control my impulsive binge eating.",3.6840225563909774,4.698930033834589,4.331654135338347,88.9422932330827,71.96992481203006,7.554887218045112,24.52631578947368,7.85451343220497,1.0599353383458645,1023,28,221,13,19,326,140,266,0.11699999999999999,0.828,0.055,-0.9441,2,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,2,3,17,13,1,3,11,1,22,16,1,3,0,41,39,24,0,3,10,2,3,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,11,16,13,2,4,1,9,2,11,6,1,1,8,3,27,7,35,25,4,17,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,8,10,142,38,1,0.08419205614477905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997570357951241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450697049414592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058869043219239026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029685017635598,0.051322695983444584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935183946364176,0.10603694743170343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442854996221224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763605591916326,0.4307474600298377,0.07033165962028014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936877763218474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072214739251105,0.0923122439650836,0.06504657373003113,0.0,0.08797374887335302,0.0,0.09569657142754634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927470417398126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35069228260851565,0.04626975224468607,0.06862776272204002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860920815943594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941893753320828,0.0,0.07157707539787209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170983088867572,0.0,0.0,0.08484579041099831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016038879270821,0.0,0.0,0.12485468567536767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348531489067527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958870633429177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574234810861287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842909356238696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582319868396371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288343171715894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554014759209106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767038559076805,0.14717513597125065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796673053435125,0.05394687005134551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496586560551486,0.0,0.13506757810560274,0.20504648582471785,0.0756987695336236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ny-raised,2019/08/12,"Feeling lost like always So basically it feels like ever since the 6th grade I’ve been struggling with deciding what I want to do with my life as a career and it just feels like I have been stuck in that loop of “who do I want to be”. Sometimes I’m just 100% sure of what I want to do and then i wake up the next morning totally lost. And its been going on like that for years to where I am now about to be a freshman in college, still stuck in that everyday loop for literally 6 years and it feels like im just losing my mind. No matter where I am, what I am doing, doesn’t matter if I am on vacation im just overindulged on the fear of my own future. With all this being on top of all the BPD symptoms I have been experiencing and getting diagnosed for it just recently in july.  

I want to really follow my gut but now knowing the fact I have BPD and all of the things that come a long with it since i pretty much met all the criteria for BPD makes me not want to trust my own decisions. But if theres one thing I learned about myself is even though having all of these symptoms bad stuff going on I’m still able to get my self to do things such as doing football and track and working out ect. Along with that trying to find my path of least regret. And for me right now I just feel dropping out of college when i turn 18 which is pretty much after the first semester ends I am going to go to the Army and working on a degree while in. I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing but i noticed im able to always put my emotions and feelings and mood swings down when it comes to other people depending on me whether it be my team or friends who struggle with depression or anxiety. I honestly don’t know where i’m going with this but im not the type to write journals so i thought writing something here would be good. Currently trying to be self aware about all my symptoms and trying to wake up everything morning to do 3-5 miles, go to the gym. 

Also I’m just in that phase where you go back and forth from “do i really have bpd? I feel fine today” and then something like today where create a scenario in my head, hurt my own feelings, shed a real n**** tear and have to tell myself to man up. My close group of friends often get surprised when i tell them i have BPD because i only ever let the overly happy emotions come out in public and when i get home thats where i just let out. But yea thanks to anyone who read this mess😂",3.417996651785714,4.065292105468753,4.5885803571428605,88.21981250000003,72.28125,7.41392857142857,25.175446428571423,7.447530270364453,1.0122643303571426,1906,54,420,20,35,628,221,512,0.078,0.7859999999999999,0.136,0.9743,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,8,38,29,0,3,19,1,39,9,4,2,11,98,83,42,0,10,22,0,8,6,2,1,5,0,1,3,33,33,0,0,16,3,0,12,6,11,0,2,10,9,48,17,75,64,13,75,0,6,0,0,18,34,0,8,34,299,81,10,0.1270523531232199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080186044494404,0.10571773575032073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048597351190840056,0.0,0.0,0.04441897970905341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048847708539015766,0.10608340787755327,0.03872496760330412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000449777005634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416652834721462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471500278669628,0.06447773199452267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291679648440905,0.05626533686542178,0.0,0.0,0.04195844048930315,0.11492612728444253,0.0,0.0,0.05709323130206403,0.0,0.0,0.0714846099601873,0.256965948940688,0.13614933968623325,0.0,0.0,0.05806177450358695,0.05403533333094309,0.0,0.0,0.09816033285601096,0.0,0.13275922122878153,0.0,0.252723730708934,0.10656548584169168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762479621428705,0.0,0.0,0.06519618445459355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372193469913183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800608588883825,0.0,0.274476687332672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473697585565443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299196391287792,0.0448704171977013,0.18621408622128088,0.0,0.0,0.05621866720482932,0.0,0.0710695422057903,0.1386926519377153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240421614371994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641433290499383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339809837668148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756080946203227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723249730640562,0.0,0.0,0.04304698130851853,0.04831451987425454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440410521362402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292579192717634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386135349211917,0.0,0.0,0.06354336764718141,0.07230669657709317,0.08139299077217013,0.0,0.06272443549954569,0.0,0.0,0.05425100768248322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254331339613146,0.0,0.0,0.1050990194263178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781110865061823,0.06282901297956088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146417332441857,0.0,0.0,0.13282270550776162,0.07272227365846115,0.0,0.0,0.059872669607898776,0.19808406355827005,0.0,0.0,0.11104935668884247,0.05848636836693893,0.0,0.0,0.16881587580861934,0.0,0.062414145931766224,0.05043268824713787,0.0,0.0,0.1204307749190952,0.0,0.0,0.12939031175275825,0.06909823809821836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873469242125913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924956262599266,0.0,0.0,0.04512717317432033,0.0,0.0,0.08181754983632973
bpd,EvanFromMars,2019/08/12,"I uncovered some trauma from forever ago and it's fucking me up. Help? Not gonna go into detail. Very sensitive for me.

Basically when I was very young I experienced some sexual trauma, and it messed my sense of right and wrong up so I did something really kinda gross and creepy. I was only like 12 but confused.

I had no idea what I was doing was wrong. It wasn't anything sex offendery, and no one got hurt, but it makes me disgusted at myself to think about it.

It has also recently caused me to stop being able to feel romantic and sexual attraction. Someone I really love and was developing a relationship with, suddenly isn't attractive to me anymore. Like I love her, but I can't make it feel right.

Anyone help me?",2.343829787234043,4.862924517730498,4.646212765957447,78.49400000000001,80.41843971631207,8.866382978723406,23.58439716312057,9.3871,2.54831120567376,571,20,106,18,15,198,90,141,0.21899999999999997,0.604,0.177,-0.4941,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,16,2,1,1,0,13,4,0,3,0,25,24,13,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,9,3,19,6,13,13,2,13,0,1,0,4,6,6,1,4,8,73,27,0,0.16590363743434328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706356453286407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267307891691102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453182869764682,0.1160036807457988,0.0,0.13652455770243255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042873590526966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777172786670955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337523947245246,0.0,0.0,0.09428686040476228,0.0,0.13268829444195093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224034221473058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760327517410873,0.18728501280322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210427426800564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29946902018991844,0.0,0.2214839325005632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242059834539518,0.1261771921730395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256423669173427,0.0,0.16380982720246293,0.1781184189014091,0.0,0.2833615997737097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056961362046647,0.12772072541533794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870286956824202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063043519726542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273775751435629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627791670902657,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunflower-stoner,2019/08/12,I have major mood swings and every time I feel good I so so wish it would last and I would feel so clear headed. My mood swings feel like constantly working through problems and then having slivers of time where I can process stuff and be positive. In those times I can feel and talk about my emotions coherently.  but something always happens and I get super depressed and feel absolutely no joy again. All that insight is completely lost and I feel suicidal. I used to think it was normal but then I realized how differently I’m able to cope at times.,4.275047619047618,6.4705147904761935,4.580952380952382,82.99904761904762,72.52380952380952,7.7142857142857135,28.809523809523807,8.515128840125781,2.2196666666666665,443,18,82,8,9,139,70,105,0.157,0.67,0.174,0.0277,2,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,0,0,9,1,1,2,2,28,22,16,1,5,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,12,4,7,17,2,12,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,10,53,17,1,0.16121144436184945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414083608860602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690271322373173,0.17421229994031534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885118080341746,0.0,0.0,0.1684316472512703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134117643988248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358275948674401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.489080100787649,0.11516948806367493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422632592207663,0.0,0.0,0.13521651090554748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255874784021247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544945141808193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314088437597618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875976861060928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598133518684173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579529870440121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425758017316307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241084459483196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454853429417672,0.17633915445564996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957565239707608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329778411425246,0.0,0.0,0.37601475854195227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923492728981313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538520498874428,0.0,0.0,0.11736385151446205,0.0,0.0,0.2290399693847124,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdhelp843,2019/08/12,"College student [20F]: hearing voices, extreme mood swings, I need advice [TW] TW: mentions of self-harm

(I am going to be a junior in college as of this fall, for reference).

I was never diagnosed with BPD but I was diagnosed with major depression when I was 16. (I am now 20). I did take Prozac for about 6 months, however, I then quit cold-turkey because I was starting to feel shamed and guilt by my parents. I soon quit therapy as well.

I never saw a therapist again until this past spring semester, because I have started to realize I am not okay. I have had multiple episodes of depersonalization while at school, as well as concerning paranoia.

There were episodes where I had these intrusive thoughts that people were going to hurt me, kill me, or sometimes I would even hear voices in my head telling me to hurt myself. (so I did, but the scars have faded). I would either cut myself at school when my roommate wasn't around, or punch myself in the face to purposely bruise. If I thought my roommate had plans to hurt me, I would hide and steal sharp objects (scissors) so she shouldn't have access to them in the room.

Since I am also on an acne medication (Accutane) I am starting to believe this drug is worsening my depression (its listed as a side effect). I have never mentioned this to my doctor though (I have been on Accutane since March) because I am afraid he would stop prescribing it to me, and I would rather have nice skin.

This summer break has been one of worst in terms of emotions. I can be extremely depressed one day, paranoid the next day, or randomly happy.

Typing this out alone makes me scared as to how I can possibly be a full-time student in the fall. I know I absolutely must return to the therapy services offered by the school, but other than that, I am at a loss. I was never officially diagnosed with BPD either so I feel like I'm lost.

Is there anything else I can do?

**TL;DR, Diagnosed with major depression when I was 16, quit antidepressants cold-turkey a few months later. Started experiencing severe depressive episodes and paranoia while in college, thinking people are trying to hurt me. I have stolen scissors from my roommates so that they couldn't. Accutane has worsened the depression. Sporadic episodes of depersonalization as well. I did see a therapist my previous spring semester and I want to see one again, but is there anything else I can do?**",4.787224713502739,6.8069435695067275,5.3542227204783295,78.7414436970603,70.70403587443947,8.363627304434479,30.77453911310414,8.998388855275968,2.7881935226706536,1896,82,333,38,36,609,217,446,0.22699999999999998,0.722,0.05,-0.9983,2,1,1,0,0,4,75.0,0,0,2,7,25,28,2,4,16,1,55,11,3,3,5,50,78,34,1,12,12,1,4,1,0,7,8,4,1,0,13,11,0,1,9,0,0,4,8,20,3,3,21,12,60,7,54,46,7,56,0,12,3,0,11,17,0,5,35,249,73,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923369453928163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337912096901993,0.0,0.056658633086364624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660684873356585,0.06307142498652307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295683097922054,0.0,0.0,0.07982356644666708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846591767357164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138463823213347,0.0,0.366137449305092,0.2876445962665285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725178666946712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216338144241933,0.0,0.1183719871200836,0.07969659243743961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679568550714544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716476684574302,0.05061517704712877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053125279295488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542102755071041,0.0,0.0,0.07271242945220516,0.0,0.15970595513928734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30338509922810997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838490828419277,0.0,0.03893724779372427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034613678496277236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734102657943066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729285311126905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713738124679785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310341579646195,0.0,0.0,0.05253429722986765,0.21857521806878516,0.0,0.07534966398475755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402916141692307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867042061783708,0.0,0.06763423880765093,0.0982367886478862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987260791046595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22607274388755805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709331018198483,0.21511161979249327,0.11291638201740813,0.0,0.07391188921024881,0.08004021141252816,0.0,0.117215525716147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007235487852423,0.0,0.20059167306168216,0.0,0.0,0.05923368221381658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327030145440423,0.0,0.06192592849949601,0.0,0.16204605240942144,0.164524370882936,0.0,0.045397750041471716,0.06960965922850773,0.11249380057843847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048102426002520376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041789101996860416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110768508702608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516486526984188,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ajichu,2019/08/12,"Didn’t let myself spiral My girlfriend went to hang out with some of our (mostly hers, but mine by proxy bc shes the only one I hang out with) friends, bc it was one friend’s birthday. I stayed home because I’m recovering from a panic attack I had last night. She texted me when she got there, we snapchatted a little bit throughout the evening, and about an hour ago she texted me saying she was probably going to leave soon. 

The house she was at was about 40 minutes away, so I texted her to see where she was at, and if she would be back soon. Waited a few minutes. Told myself maybe I would try to go to bed, and sent a reminder for her to take her medicine when she got home. Waited a few minutes for a reply. Tell myself she’s busy driving and will be home soon. Lay down and start bawling, imagining her falling asleep there or crashing on the way home.

Usually when I used to freak out about people coming home later than my expectation, I wouldn’t let myself call to check up on them, to force myself to spiral further and panic. Instead, I gave her a call. She picked up immediately. Her phone was charging across the room, and she lost track of time watching an episode of Good Omens. Was just about to leave. I told her I started panicking a bit and she is going to call me again when she’s close and cuddle me when she gets back.

I’m proud of myself and thankful for my understanding GF and the relationship we’ve built :)",4.2800349650349645,5.300057807692308,4.551335664335664,87.90161888111889,70.57342657342656,6.978741258741258,25.48881118881119,6.961326702584282,0.9006103496503495,1127,32,234,9,20,353,152,286,0.095,0.833,0.07200000000000001,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,0,1,2,22,10,1,2,16,0,19,2,1,2,0,35,43,20,0,5,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,0,1,19,0,2,2,0,1,10,2,5,0,2,17,3,50,5,40,18,6,49,0,1,2,1,41,17,0,4,20,163,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907355448762982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431576393009076,0.0944086100990606,0.15453294350982738,0.0,0.061254492892757785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940636382035927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078181016789161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655860431686263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636914512289815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526833935340045,0.0,0.052499067633258685,0.0,0.17132317901598967,0.08428173345387423,0.16073346328015334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039713442920621,0.0,0.09895711156184307,0.11594576243808763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190837841525507,0.0,0.2127974116796403,0.0,0.2055046680262284,0.0,0.0,0.1007119894785321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096908349856392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095030882726276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429801071062616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618196082841116,0.07642308302414226,0.0,0.2357941065379071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966338468514884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833941789528877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107882878683521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990940455367286,0.0,0.0,0.0800732339279617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224706525394196,0.10710323712331034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555193026134932,0.0,0.08782798864706652,0.0925127393818711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859339115082785,0.0,0.0,0.19203472494616786,0.0,0.06822246233869712,0.0,0.0,0.10460803525878958,0.0,0.08678645049129233,0.11066961474742013,0.0,0.0,0.07976001575134002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315025128521026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427627848159027,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tehh624,2019/08/12,"Dating another bpd Anyone that has bpd in a relationship with someone who also has bpd? If so how does it work out ? A disaster, or good because you can relate?",2.7286021505376357,5.044987451612903,5.188387096774196,76.26924731182797,77.70967741935483,8.004301075268819,26.46236559139785,8.841846274778883,2.4966043010752688,125,5,22,3,3,44,27,31,0.134,0.782,0.084,-0.4098,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557490066758194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302184258886915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351520361393692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383628632407935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8295506102394928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921306091877637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841490097742053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23571567013430836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602489781480386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983578406909155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mashedfig,2019/08/12,"Can’t get ahold of my FP Feeling really lost and low. Kind of don’t know what to do with myself 


That’s all",-1.437733333333334,0.4050217600000003,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,91.4,4.933333333333334,12.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-1.0664666666666665,84,1,22,1,3,29,22,25,0.195,0.746,0.059000000000000004,-0.5356,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,4,6,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696132147838369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27858664212317225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552689676272816,0.29304502933653165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5820751256728444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34159585724754754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jennariewer,2019/08/12,"DAE experience Dream-Reality Confusion? Pretty much every night, no matter how much drugs and/or alcohol I consume, I dream super vividly and mostly lucid. I sometimes dream about day-to-day things, I sometimes dream about crazy movie-like plots, and sometimes I have nightmares... but they are ALWAYS vivid, I almost always remember them in detail, and I always wake up exhausted. There are nights where I’m tossing and turning and come in and out of sleep every hour or so but the moment I fall back asleep, I’m in dream mode again. 

It feels like I’m living two lives! One when I’m awake and one when I’m in dream world, it’s super disorienting, and especially when I have more “normal” dreams, it feels so REAL. I feel crazy, I will SWEAR I’ve really had these conversations and experiences with the people in my dreams and sometimes will reference them a few days later only to be met with “that never happened!” from my friends or husband. Sometimes writing my dreams down or reflecting on them with my husband when I wake up can help me separate them from my real life, but sometimes I find myself fantasizing about my dream world and get lost/dissociate just thinking about it. 

I’ve always thought this was just a “me” thing as I’ve never ever met someone with similar experiences. I’ve smoked weed daily for like 12 years and THC is supposed to suppress dreams hardcore but it never even effected my dreams at all. I was looking this up the other day and found several articles linking Dream-Reality Confusion and Intense/Vivid dreams with BPD and it got me wondering... does anyone else with BPD experience this or anything similar? If so... any advice to make me feel less crazy?! Some people train their whole lives to dream as lucid as I’ve always been able to but it feels more like a curse than a blessing to me...",5.224613128806677,7.031788155425224,5.5467008797654005,78.6554359350327,69.20527859237535,8.296007218587864,28.364651477554702,8.841846274778883,2.316191427926912,1455,52,256,26,26,463,176,341,0.059000000000000004,0.7440000000000001,0.19699999999999998,0.9942,0,0,3,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,6,3,20,10,0,2,7,0,13,8,4,3,5,68,36,36,0,2,12,2,5,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,15,23,1,1,15,13,0,2,4,3,0,3,9,8,33,7,36,24,10,35,1,0,3,0,14,15,0,11,21,162,48,0,0.07611578790176304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437946700657859,0.0,0.08134462897773956,0.07621896668083313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166721652145231,0.0,0.0,0.05176134589478331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322192868113234,0.07798961965301976,0.06263680795770915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585283425492629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173034060559505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655670115249085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963535451784549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660943892807591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827014880273311,0.0,0.06358497382734618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050273760044021884,0.06885108786824141,0.12826166830849753,0.0,0.0,0.29782338417004445,0.0,0.0,0.1924321469333148,0.10875426817134616,0.0,0.0,0.06956845118844683,0.0,0.0,0.08345703269557023,0.058806868919526536,0.0,0.03976735761537968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087674889459365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730893986527922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051018808178603235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495871872535517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376283200629158,0.11155898763554062,0.0,0.2016349056694081,0.0,0.06391809158643971,0.0,0.08308937393852059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050807879473206335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119077242052,0.0,0.1761155640579615,0.0,0.0,0.1428590214418483,0.07457731123173979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315605554861734,0.05788948660805528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553820691920426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743712041579394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465457219954985,0.04876172278600967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622434980662111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598917483133764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617075781348491,0.0,0.06449266008409603,0.0,0.4516827630630042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113589462634576,0.04877192346663959,0.0,0.06042743337798636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827921200384017,0.07435406472346785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498055894082421,0.0,0.0,0.08254432509733302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901607185460191
bpd,Agertudici,2019/08/12,"Dropped a desk on my foot today not broken, thank you jesus. Went to the ER immediately because it hurt and I swore it was and the urgent care was closed because it's a weekend.

tbh I think most of the pain was anxiety. cuz y'know. I got diagnosed by a psychologist with being a massive motherfucking drama queen.

plus side is there's no permanent damage but I do have a massive contusion (read: bruised and swollen as heckie) and the doctor told me to stay off it and tomorrow is the SO's day off and he's socially obligated to treat me like a princess now AND IT'S SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO BE A GIANT NEEDY BABY. THIS IS LIVING.

Gotta be grateful for the little things.",1.4214749780509237,4.052748820895527,3.6871027216856898,82.66724758560143,86.91044776119404,6.7350307287093925,24.300263388937665,7.928766900206844,1.8160637401229147,538,22,102,12,17,184,90,134,0.129,0.753,0.11800000000000001,0.1004,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,13,0,11,5,1,1,0,15,18,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,1,0,6,0,9,4,14,8,1,15,1,2,0,0,5,7,0,1,6,69,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494007311332795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628661369924276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982744955928712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390497811794594,0.0,0.0,0.21883830226867754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068465095590994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724419817328353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23081358353478496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849290844035873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533552495984193,0.21609657000502064,0.19038644119202155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942286913778945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156670569232316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439571855493804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298101973620062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850353235701085,0.0,0.0,0.14324084654953625,0.1381533555622648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043718467519519,0.20602336225107645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987143439491406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beetlejules666,2019/08/12,"i think i’m having an episode ‪i wish i had more (positive) emotional consistency in my life, but instead i’m on a rollercoaster that won’t slow down. i’ve been lucid, but i can feel myself disassociating and crossing over into mania. please don’t take me again.‬",2.3988235294117644,5.1600730980392155,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,82.72549019607844,7.321568627450981,26.14705882352941,8.344100000000001,2.23149411764706,212,9,39,5,6,72,43,51,0.0,0.862,0.138,0.6415,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,12,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,5,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786398574988794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151499127613961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005492793251344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670806204577347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199294815154525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726487036152365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893138438838212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chocolatesoycoffee,2019/08/12,"New here and I just want to this out of my chest about my FP Well, I'm not exactly new here. I've been lurking for over a year after my diagnosis. I've only decided now to make an account and start posting. 

Lately, I realize that one of my FPs is my close friend. They recently started seeing someone and for some reason I feel hurt even though I know I should be happy for them. I am completely aware and completely convinced that I have no romantic feelings for them, but I can't remove this constant feeling of dread and abandonment and just the idea that I won't be able to hangout with them or I won't be able to talk to them. It's a heavy feeling in my heart that I just want to go away. 

And then this is coupled by the fact that I just can't open up to my friends. I have an amazing circle of friends: supportive, understanding, and sweet. But since my FP is part of that circle and I don't think I can tell my friends about this. 

I wish there could just be that kind of moment when I can just take a deep breath and everything becomes magically better.",3.8772629969418944,4.684821619266053,4.800935779816516,86.52770336391441,71.33944954128441,8.198654434250765,28.294801223241592,8.447377352677275,1.7937348012232417,835,30,180,13,15,272,121,218,0.06,0.731,0.209,0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,5,1,16,15,0,1,7,0,20,3,3,2,2,45,38,16,0,5,10,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,12,14,0,1,11,1,1,2,7,3,1,1,1,6,31,12,27,29,2,24,0,2,1,0,11,8,0,2,13,130,43,0,0.2578265515195692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111826614185847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237458487498858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401331638329433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27032623391285004,0.13930945381608964,0.0,0.1029267609254689,0.14264008765850913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514600282927788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158589398768881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607297025387523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983923082752105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326438542189127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723057917891301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276285246856744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800432794863646,0.14552739695494105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424333899446936,0.07084736498416089,0.0,0.14541979012409514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860506125976479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24901049007653356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735497195662965,0.09804435527000213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960051514083166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346328325709675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325443179568174,0.12728630759931933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102727190322471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106638393861528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922780021187364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182490960191529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628925764076994,0.0,0.0,0.09692673991623874,0.10361560790761858,0.11267588509668545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260242181693801,0.12665663890553694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420326643678726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520727801418507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590851677007714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824390505959492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301592300153213
bpd,bpdphd,2019/08/12,"I am pretty certain I have BPD and it's ruining my life. As a preamble, I will say that I've tried to look around this sub, and /r/BPDmemes, but I feel a bit lost because a lot of the content seems to be geared towards a ""female experience"". Are men just unwilling to talk about these issues? I'm hoping that by posting I can just find some resources to read and understand this better, from my perspective that seems different than what I've read here in a brief survey. 

I am almost certain I have BPD, I just have an extremely (perhaps irrational) fear of psychiatrists after seeing them for years as a kid, teenager, and adult. So I haven't been diagnosed. When I finally heard of BPD and read about it, I was shocked that I didn't even *realize* I had these awful behaviors that were ruining my internal life and relationships.

Somehow throughout all of this, despite a suicide attempt and several involuntary hospitalizations for being a danger to myself etc. (you'd think the doctors would know what they're doing and not just label everything ""depression""?), I managed to graduate university twice (bachelor's and master's), and have 3 kids with a woman who is either an angel or stays with me because she's just as insane as I am, I haven't figured that out yet.

However, our relationship has tremendous problems. I often disassociate from life and that means from her too, she gets very hurt that I ""ignore"" her, but I'm not even doing it on purpose, it just doesn't ""register"" that anyone is talking to me? Like all I can think about is hating myself or some other anxious toxic mess, and everything else feels like it's behind a huge storm where I can't see or hear any of it.

My most pressing problem right now is that I'm completely incapable of seeing any of my successes or labelling myself as competent. On August 20th, I have a meeting with some potential research/phd supervisors, which I should be happy about, but I just want to give up and hide. I'm just scared they're going to find out I'm a fraud and they'll think my ideas are pointless, nonsensical or just straight-up stupid. This has been crippling, and I have just been drinking all day every day for about a week. This has inflamed problems with my spouse, of course, and lead to some giant explosive arguments.

I have no reason, rationally, to believe I am stupid or a fraud etc. I do well in school, other graduate students tell me I'm smart. Last week, one of them told me that the new graduate student in the office beside mine thinks I'm the ""most impressive student in the faculty"", but being myself... I just assumed they were trying to make fun of me somehow. This either explains why I was bullied my entire childhood, or explains why I *thought* I was... anyway.

I self-medicate with CBD oil, and sometimes the one with THC content, and it's the only thing that has allowed me to even ""function"" over the last few months after it was legalized in my country. It has been amazing, really. Has anyone had success with it with BPD? Coincidentally, I ran out 2 days ago and I am waiting for more in the mail, so this may have a lot to do with my absolutely chaotic breakdown right now.

So yeah. That's what I wanted to say. I'm not sure what the point is of saying it, but there you go.",5.780849282296653,6.496874674641153,6.444781100478469,76.77559270334929,67.00637958532695,9.395996810207336,32.421411483253586,9.451951473030183,2.9580131100478466,2579,105,474,49,40,846,302,627,0.157,0.736,0.107,-0.9885,3,0,1,0,0,1,98.0,1,2,4,8,36,32,4,2,28,2,59,7,0,4,6,113,100,40,1,8,28,1,3,2,0,5,6,5,0,5,42,32,1,2,21,4,0,5,9,17,1,3,18,13,67,15,72,72,18,48,1,5,4,0,34,21,0,24,22,351,109,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670702252257517,0.0,0.07535475904445497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234890126630224,0.0,0.0,0.08501418783307144,0.0,0.10523694524597713,0.0,0.0,0.06699090214877261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174675604920596,0.0,0.0,0.08478407979742572,0.0,0.06655494216351204,0.0821565128794406,0.0,0.3791128178986216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890107679556084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455953950386714,0.0,0.06481508344082301,0.0763799573508593,0.0,0.07862310718208641,0.0,0.07702437851718916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371904613213266,0.0,0.0,0.06286401653372918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785341718117408,0.14911119525825384,0.0,0.06340368763131722,0.0,0.13526463903056768,0.0736116295236441,0.0,0.08468026543591423,0.07610010314250874,0.05376057974798465,0.0,0.08243570947103271,0.13755930064897168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931645601402756,0.07218929505496846,0.0855357442284469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010795186075363,0.0,0.07429651115451721,0.0,0.0,0.08481531862962008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474296066432216,0.0,0.0,0.08055962545688786,0.08495119513041134,0.0,0.07854431988505439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041356943456553566,0.12268207045656472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945972877117456,0.07352938512642321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319335724199457,0.0,0.08214726629016793,0.12795439423841906,0.0,0.0,0.050231795076617854,0.0,0.0,0.08197230602004459,0.08358884090567334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006602722177067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267957503067511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198642212499627,0.05723310751278118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113817273628421,0.0,0.0720713328684243,0.07655910076114948,0.0,0.21602015638149166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22581934385815486,0.0,0.04820883870702331,0.07737236048867964,0.0,0.16158658222494773,0.0,0.12853087491914922,0.0,0.17953202204592747,0.07534113085502267,0.0761598007109247,0.17990009660487175,0.13701455489360725,0.0785050304281647,0.08501418783307144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442689411257684,0.0,0.0,0.08020941896977488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231429465557574,0.0,0.07092482644274582,0.0,0.0,0.12097062010449762,0.06577422053597268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999458338386365,0.19287569490954184,0.0,0.05974227781046645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190722766025665,0.0,0.10218335527196276,0.0,0.0,0.07834076684364834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209139998463145,0.08877204354761102,0.0,0.12072643399919175,0.0,0.06766125988263312,0.0,0.13580780439935122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345739460426792,0.0,0.0,0.04846030384242996
bpd,dccueto,2019/08/12,"How do you guys pull yourself out of really negative/depressed, ""end of my life"" type of feelings? I've been experiencing it a lot lately due to changes that are happening soon. They're not terrible changes, I just get stressed out easily over any change. I'm having a hard time taking care of myself and cant seem to do anything. How do I stop this? How do I pull myself out of this?",3.4596536796536803,4.954927454545455,4.739675324675325,83.9390367965368,73.15584415584415,8.25021645021645,27.119047619047624,8.841846274778883,1.998395670995671,302,11,62,6,6,100,56,77,0.079,0.8059999999999999,0.115,0.5710000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,3,0,13,15,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,7,1,11,14,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,6,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021928315818116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968044704633162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022896359819032,0.0,0.6543790998356547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759496048253476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262706329571285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425809929451084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772807935207802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416490361475154,0.18233705354631768,0.0,0.18470970863218072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325962983199649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456412238545692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529913086578106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320934318151359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877116650175934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238777631673652,0.2361950229907856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503255020173204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023363034746384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nakana7de,2019/08/12,my fp doesnt respond n i get bad anxiety over this i spend all my time watching the chat of me and my fp waiting for them to respond to me im so pathetic ..i just wanna die honestly i hate myself,-2.714646464646464,-1.5405350909090902,1.3348484848484858,94.20005050505054,115.8181818181818,4.682828282828283,20.7979797979798,6.42735559955562,0.7240131313131317,152,7,35,3,9,56,34,44,0.271,0.617,0.113,-0.8478,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,11,1,6,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382828700096241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36921970845999896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589352513119331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310319867082581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43658234535168144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776534073688962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25785119957014313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RandiKreger,2019/08/12,"AMA: COAUTHOR Stop walking on eggshells Hello, I am Randi Kreger, the co-author of stop walking on egg shells. I am currently working on the third edition. If anybody has any questions they would like me to answer, please ask away.",3.2921428571428564,6.296251547619049,3.1383809523809525,87.52328571428568,81.14285714285714,4.312380952380953,29.82857142857143,5.6839178017228535,1.433765714285714,183,9,30,1,5,55,35,42,0.1,0.792,0.109,0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,6,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,18,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299173116035392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160747222494057,0.0,0.317652926299448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651769422335223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711285863622276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787456180940769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653278663440922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461383833890116,0.0,0.0,0.24017415528015024,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rr210600,2019/10/04,"I should be really happy but I’m breaking inside rn Hello all, i’m so sorry if this turns out rant-y but i just need to talk to someone. I dropped out of uni after my first year but after lots and lots of applications I finally got accepted to an internship in the field I am passionate about. It’s been over 2 weeks since I started and I have been in so much agony inside because I feel like the other interns are better than me and I am constantly judged (i know this is normal i mean this is a job) but i literally cannot take it, i am soooo overwhelmed and anxious to the point of shaking during our group conference calls. I feel like I am doing everything wrong and they’re gonna fire me (they called me unresponsive because I wasn’t able to take one call) and haven’t paid my bit yet as I didnt send them an email with my breakdown of days i work (i left the hours on the invoice), i feel like i am avoiding doing these things without realising because i fear that i will do them wrong and they will hate me!!! I am so confused. I mean i am so out of my comfort zone, i am quiet and mostly just hang out by myself and my bf. That’s how it’s been up until now- in school, i accepted this is how i am and i will not be able to connect with most people. But i cant use the same ideology for jobs, since i’d probably never be employed then. I decided i’m going back to counselling to work through being an ‘adult’ since i am soo in shock and unprepared. Please send me love and wish me luck, all i wanna do is cry atm, i feel like a failure and like they all hate me, and those thoughts always make me feel like filth to the point of wanting to self destruct. :((((((/)/££ trying to stay rationnnall.",2.2835347255949467,3.744692636619721,3.8427294803302594,89.31535211267605,76.1549295774648,6.8120446818844105,24.072365225837785,7.503015589744147,0.9523783389995146,1326,42,291,17,29,441,188,355,0.14400000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.157,0.4494,3,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,5,4,12,25,3,5,12,0,36,2,0,4,4,64,64,29,0,7,10,0,6,6,1,5,0,1,0,2,13,20,0,1,12,0,2,5,8,11,0,2,8,7,55,14,41,47,10,38,0,1,0,2,19,14,0,7,22,202,68,6,0.18583828406157296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731616976688589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497218211253806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144908466533151,0.0,0.16992793961301622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217943013224709,0.1014436372508264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846424989889597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041258240531543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206731437404497,0.059925159601030335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350973339640552,0.0,0.0,0.10455986784383424,0.23491355059298666,0.3319072681645817,0.0,0.1017883782429459,0.0,0.07903697474362127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052808089738564365,0.0,0.07431592620718636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891415451619748,0.0,0.1834768312920182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150663776451194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441582161346656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510659304146226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095691969418978,0.0,0.0,0.27237359561451635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799306346922198,0.08386315348830088,0.0,0.06202424883451268,0.0,0.0,0.20243237170286668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830626080613827,0.06889836644165462,0.07166497061754673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104103058828993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296441540635787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644184334730701,0.0,0.0,0.10199731485514142,0.17567724668002924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018255093032576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952638171553527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403913245139284,0.0,0.0,0.09693493004999183,0.0,0.0,0.2305910234633579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873008750867239,0.0,0.0,0.1040153721012606,0.06576864698159005,0.09903944211957404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972726175449005,0.07468488664980287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173134914746385,0.0,0.0,0.07376741960356094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308599806623079,0.10106934412617412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025230488878395,0.0,0.0,0.054806117421714345,0.0,0.07453413094085083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685242763591338,0.0895707370903623,0.0,0.13529248412010594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203184990238754,0.0,0.05983688099408738
bpd,catsinsunglassess,2019/10/04,"That moment when You finally split on someone you were interested in and you finally hate them and don’t want anything to do with them. I know it’s not healthy but it reeeeeally helps me to move on. Literally heard his voice and realized I hated him. I have therapy Tuesday so I’ll talk to my therapist about it.

But then i started spiraling and wondering if i will ever have a healthy relationship or ever be enough for someone to love me... and then wondering why i even exist if life is going to be like this and I’m going to be alone forever...

BPD much?

So i pulled myself out of it and reminded myself this just wasn’t the right person and that happens and is totally normal. I’ve had relationships before and I’m friends with a couple of my exes. Things are ok. I have a good job, I’m back in school, I’m in therapy, and ultimately this person was not good to or for me. 

Thanks for listening to my spiral, I’m so grateful for this community ❤️",2.2342199194012657,4.28892247668394,4.5491796200345425,81.5446905584341,78.11917098445596,8.22671272308578,26.266263672999425,8.998388855275968,2.2972892343120317,750,30,150,19,18,261,109,193,0.07200000000000001,0.74,0.187,0.9778,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,2,0,10,10,2,0,4,1,16,2,0,0,3,32,35,23,0,4,9,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,2,11,14,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,5,3,23,8,23,26,3,22,0,0,0,1,17,7,0,6,12,110,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608562234082516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081269124619885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103466600089628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180749112684107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548743806489646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538609930854418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576618802888865,0.0,0.08678517677792884,0.23770865066650484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28787366127138114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015154726932837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934964482393354,0.22041583098291845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619218932159125,0.0,0.0,0.25945077470651795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807131758003099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038929070450545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221127111191476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280819408897434,0.06419297366153824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858914277433265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965212052920187,0.09659046408563632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287392296339445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294581406140887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821381737108136,0.0,0.1122106359817015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329787831816787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266116166271102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300207710484563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561034635114064,0.0,0.12097088830357905,0.30052333141630744,0.15255975477881306,0.08729301812770514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750019184214442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856357558069748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284984605858567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AtashiRain,2019/10/04,"Has anyone made life work? This will probably be a non sensical text dump.

My life is screwed. 

When I was 18 I was engaging in held harm, sucicide attempts, risky sexual behaviour. I was committed for 24hr until my loved ones got me out and during that time I was diagnosed with BPD.

I have no idea if I “have it” or not.

I know that if I do, I just (two weeks ago) cut off my FP because it was a toxic situation that needed to end.

I know that when I’m talking to people I can give a balanced view. I know that in my heart I split. 

I’m 34 now. I feel now I’ve let my FP go I will never be loved again. He was the last person to abandon me.

I have my kids. I love them so much. But I’m talking about grown up peer to peer love. I will never have that.

I’m so broken. I have no friends. And it’s my fault.

I try so hard to model good things for my girls. I’m scared I’m messing them up because I’m broken.

I’ve had counselling in the past and I’m seeking it out again.

I’m really scared about letting my FP go. It had to happen but he was everything. What happens when a BPD doesn’t have that? Before I jumped from relationship to relationship and he has been there for 5 years. Dramas and all.

Now I’m on my own.",-0.8736363636363613,1.1693531515151534,1.8330303030303017,96.16954545454546,91.34848484848484,5.16969696969697,17.46969696969697,6.714681859716394,-0.1308848484848486,928,25,224,13,33,320,136,264,0.109,0.821,0.071,-0.6539,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,2,2,15,16,3,2,6,0,29,9,1,1,4,28,56,17,0,3,7,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,15,8,0,2,5,1,0,4,6,9,0,2,13,3,35,7,24,36,3,31,0,1,1,5,18,9,1,3,18,142,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529948833165884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830601941814896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482562858807635,0.0,0.10108088862750868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992217628300547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056857169899245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052120025345006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676010366423604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060063405769465665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177626727745558,0.0,0.0,0.1139534571452175,0.13502131800703546,0.0996347732999777,0.09500660178283396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100898540846097,0.0,0.10641182080055968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076581386743744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409858575786268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585036868326652,0.09682908004305632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294007932437986,0.16780869753682798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42884768497685616,0.11240124511853522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732375482465075,0.0880807116062973,0.1832351602873884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804946590361181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339776483659166,0.08235349767945342,0.10372217694150504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807488525798055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609942487232238,0.0,0.0,0.2550703627011723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378574917409215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335240757384322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095657276347786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891828851892921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926695744083912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065009214366009,0.0,0.1160398205618521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528555800791813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647997689737699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649637183667847
bpd,Number175OnEarlsList,2019/10/04,"Anyone with BPD in college? It's my first year and has been going okay, well even better than okay until this week. I literally just can not get motivated. Help",1.7408064516129007,4.4699042903225825,3.4195967741935505,84.34939516129033,86.74193548387099,5.680645161290323,17.427419354838708,7.1686216300943375,0.39273548387096735,127,3,24,2,4,42,30,31,0.13,0.629,0.24100000000000002,0.47,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,17,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265634112108872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359896645942917,0.0,0.0,0.478469308170281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25091961044249983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231417715104894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198481471694998,0.0,0.2159052737476112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546381942032205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047319458816345,0.0,0.3415746941548163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24464240678255764
bpd,-Mania,2019/10/04,"Feeling rejected and its so irrational Me and my partner were past 2am last night which isn't unusual for me, but he works full time and had to go to work this morning. I've had a particularly bad day, I've barely left my room and just really struggling to feel okay. I feel so bad because he's so tired and has been asleep for the last hour and a half, but I'm just plagued with these stupid abandonment thoughts; I just feel so rejected that he's not comforting me, but then I feel guilty for feeling this way and I haven't even told him how I feel because I know he needs to sleep and relax, everytime he wakes up a bit I just pretend it's okay. But inside I'm driving myself crazy. It's so annoying being so aware of how fucking ridiculous I am, yet letting it consume me anyway 😑 does anyone relate??",7.047289156626505,5.371766469879521,7.359126506024102,79.25929216867472,65.02409638554218,10.709638554216868,35.207831325301214,9.516144504307137,2.9759060240963846,638,24,135,10,8,209,100,166,0.297,0.643,0.06,-0.9940000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,15,14,4,1,4,2,10,5,3,2,0,31,25,21,0,1,9,0,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,9,9,0,1,9,2,0,2,3,10,0,1,6,7,16,4,10,17,2,16,0,3,0,1,8,4,1,0,9,80,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307906060509565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27006050537752363,0.19716720137323976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655741103626765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429664513046492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152310838914645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681517374020567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723968620178389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950842842333364,0.0,0.0,0.091909752633952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926257667978252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887761431376036,0.26364834608018634,0.0,0.0,0.17571030426807094,0.16537064609614438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991404816734826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176417262509215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438096249113978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360259281777587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618377603474679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906586851187516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838838370737374,0.0943007966158689,0.1858744619096772,0.0,0.15453131474945395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283665764298291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354695807076522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,j-na-corp,2019/10/04,"Nobody ever loves me unless I give them exactly what they want and I am exhausted. exhausted and plagued with the fact that in the end they don’t even love me, just what I can provide for them or what I do for them.",3.7586666666666666,4.308817755555555,4.682222222222221,88.21000000000002,71.44444444444444,8.666666666666668,26.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.6027777777777774,169,5,38,3,3,55,31,45,0.102,0.711,0.187,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,3,10,8,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,2,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,1,2,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456672089772563,0.0,0.0,0.2577725083503239,0.3530254671006167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743866910220642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7044756243171867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301939062692735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rbmit1871,2019/10/04,"Is Self Loathing a part of BPD? I've been recently diagnosed with bpd I identify with a lot of the symptoms; being emotionally reactive, unstable sense of self, splitting and fear of abandonment among others. But I feel like one of the main things I struggle with is intense self-loathing, like I constantly self criticise to the extreme, sometimes even feeling like I deserve all the hardship I have,punishing myself and being afraid to say anything because I immediately self criticise what I said or how I said it. 

Is this a common for BPD, or is it a sign of something else? All answers appreciated",8.610672782874616,8.733178155963305,8.599587155963306,65.76464067278289,61.01834862385321,12.03730886850153,43.85474006116208,11.538034831475384,5.462007951070337,485,28,78,13,6,158,67,109,0.203,0.68,0.11699999999999999,-0.8992,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,8,0,7,2,0,1,2,17,11,6,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,0,4,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,5,10,3,13,6,5,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,3,6,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177664398435253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539310015147015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467305197687982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365222750876832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553079851738672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331728986492353,0.1391213604237719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168830348458768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917239165249395,0.12507085688529962,0.1767115022995293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181268805643851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051468070921654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380756844673748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393146910600245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211732998733835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529263465846795,0.09835389138078557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6451168277045645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521354266792456,0.12232093042685692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929533784660266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854903495546205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216631942973811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lili-pi,2019/10/04,I was wondering if anyone has ‘quiet’ BPD? Can you explain what it is like to have and how it differs from ‘typical’ BPD? Interested in first hand accounts rather than stuff pulled from the web xx,4.3404504504504535,6.2731207027027045,4.847027027027028,82.27882882882884,71.70270270270271,8.176576576576577,28.54954954954956,8.841846274778883,2.296322522522524,154,6,29,3,3,49,34,37,0.0,0.79,0.21,0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,0,6,7,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073265507426613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7468874423666958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097896386603005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522110897439416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485971405629353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394327888332749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32155223664184657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sameoldcircus9,2019/10/04,"DAE feel like everything is a joke on some level? I think I do it to relieve guilt. Like no matter how many lies or betrayals I take part in, I keep pretending like yeah it’s bad but not that bad because everything’s just a joke anyway. It’s almost as if I don’t see my offenses as being “real”, rather as more silly child’s play of me being me. There may be some compartmentalism involved.",0.280988636363638,2.694873212500003,2.733863636363637,88.41568181818184,91.875,5.90909090909091,18.522727272727273,7.348242739294969,0.6762500000000005,307,9,63,6,11,105,59,80,0.177,0.589,0.235,0.009000000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,12,1,1,2,1,7,0,0,1,0,16,12,7,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,8,8,7,8,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,6,3,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24875017824513945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148296945490139,0.1514305281448092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44651596655319803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560529992541666,0.17746661212178966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080128056263149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640867787593142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518522394776661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690075492476837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827488808574613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795335054365806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677599244623885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591733027093865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,farfrominteresting,2019/10/04,"I feel completely alone. Hey...so today is my birthday. I'm going through a divorce, my husband took everything and left my house basically empty. I always say I hate my birthday because I know no one cares about me and I feel like the people who write me only do so because Facebook reminds them to. 

I feel like going out tonight yet I have no car. He took that too. There's a bar I've been going to every Friday on my small community, but this time I can't go. I want to have fun. I don't want to feel so alone. I feel things spiralling, like I'm going to spend my evening drinking by myself and eventually slicing my legs open and crying myself to sleep. I've been doing it every birthday for years... it's just the first one without a husband. I don't know how to stop myself even with my dbt flashcards and everything. It all seems like bullshit.",1.9211491108071144,4.11057220930233,3.4489056087551297,88.3562859097127,79.81395348837209,5.442407660738714,24.65253077975376,6.522977012572876,0.8482984952120383,668,25,133,6,17,220,99,172,0.152,0.752,0.095,-0.7847,0,4,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,10,7,1,0,5,0,10,4,2,1,1,25,31,9,0,2,3,2,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,8,2,1,8,2,1,8,6,1,0,3,4,6,26,6,15,27,1,20,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,11,84,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679857472348759,0.0,0.0,0.10764987480559488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773088156908466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190583545216664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564660959826458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211171669829847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673767046997342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090115801871153,0.0,0.2180070440736872,0.0,0.23254675890636145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270779500293312,0.1848502116579867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100458088109774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676322990532982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773044744627515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928070138118366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220158687477513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056567725232472,0.0,0.0,0.25282321112265305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753348997017937,0.0983950702092132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969192756776484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288372518223604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777760578027245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946784471748835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816280148848197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859506106852066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543926007617781,0.0,0.12263181528405033,0.0,0.28747946421089593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261676042196198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471231649336167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833128796627173
bpd,borderlinebarbiegirl,2019/10/04,"Terrible fear of rejection and abandonment + idiots on tinder. I need to vent.
I had a tinder date planned for today. At 5pm I texted and asked at what time he wanted to meet up. Now it’s 9:30 and he didn’t respond, but he has been online multiple times since 5.. 

Even tho I never met him, I’m so sad, disappointed and angry. I very rarely self harm anymore, but I instantly get the urge when stuff like this happen. It’s just my go-to coping mechanism even tho I’ve only cut myself once for 5 years ish. But I sometimes punch walls, and my arms are aching from wanting to hit walls - or him. Asshole. I also just want to get drunk and do cocaine 🙄🙄

The worst thing is that I told him about my fear of people cancelling plans and he said that I didn’t have to worry about that at all. Argh, I feel so stupid for trusting him. 

Fuck dating and idiots with no respect for others.",-0.06292817679558027,2.267573801104973,1.7717215469613272,95.25546077348066,92.75690607734808,4.442961325966852,16.632265193370163,6.152001189255117,-0.35369851933701657,682,17,147,7,25,223,121,181,0.29100000000000004,0.63,0.079,-0.9935,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,13,18,6,2,3,0,9,3,1,0,2,23,24,18,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,9,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,15,0,0,7,2,19,3,20,16,2,16,0,4,0,1,15,7,1,1,10,88,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593730768619936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098119305619692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060365666570376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410660470341073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410704309929502,0.0922725034747364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870920383443933,0.19068714361004385,0.0,0.10371335820338468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161375437695243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915546976155449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531413451551308,0.14074765448038576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194346054798826,0.0,0.13879198302671222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651569293207038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735899232625726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037702693784572,0.0,0.0,0.1509577385670612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804874254311079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208907562313322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123834734801332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282294899079632,0.0,0.1729793249727783,0.17437715956086308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057348634874074,0.3229122573474223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532760644972926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751767395935725
bpd,kim87f,2019/10/04,"I love Rachel Bloom! 
[CrazyExGf_SPOILER_ALERT]

I just finished the second half of the last season leading to the finale (that somehow I missed coming out before now). I loved it!

While watching the first seasons at the time (2015) I just felt so close to Rebecca: late 20s trying to figure out life, love and her moods; the title is quite descriptive too and she can be the center of so much drama.. 

I got diagnosed with bpd few months before the last season, when also Rebecca get diagnosed in the show (as well as the writer/actress of the show Rachel Bloom or so internet say).

Anyways, thats when something just clicked and I was like  *ahh, Bitch, so that’s why you looove this show so much*  XD

I don’t know, DAE have seen the show? What are your thoughts? This is also the first openly bpd character I’ve ever seen! I’m pretty excited about this",2.72711328976035,5.303374129629631,3.058569353667391,90.107091503268,79.30864197530863,5.787073347857661,21.25780682643428,7.048011613610866,0.6315275236020335,667,19,127,8,17,205,105,162,0.035,0.8,0.165,0.9737,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,4,19,9,1,0,13,0,8,6,0,1,1,20,21,16,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,5,0,2,1,2,1,4,6,6,12,6,14,14,3,26,0,1,4,3,8,7,1,2,18,85,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385463464792532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538270136181138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756920200245979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847733399400288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30276307327820684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491242022732766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432049550829904,0.16338375676664646,0.0,0.2537295137223254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779233942127915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928685200527245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196754578417108,0.2431501795486743,0.16824483603005091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534726478286643,0.07286591728138189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038342286536837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904808297900372,0.0,0.21928109463641302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173659057823985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863668710678006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186080498770713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482100463120135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184064266457315,0.08696908579034973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126133789884297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410148221109858,0.0,0.13458238804139164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,e_bra1,2019/10/04,"My boyfriend who is usually amazing has really fucked up in my eyes but I need help, I don’t want to tell anyone I know. So my boyfriend went to a football game yesterday and bumped into these guys who basically want to kill him and he was out drinking all day and came to my house at like 3am unannounced coked out his mind and drank as hell ranting about these people and phoning lots of people he knows to sort it out. I’ve recently self harmed really badly and ended up in hospital and he knows how shitty of a time I’m going through right now, also knows how bad my abandonment issues are. So he sits for half an hour and then gets ahold of some guy who can help him “sort this out” and also finds out this guy has more drugs so he leaves after a huge thing happening with us and me having a panic attack and accidentally splitting one of the scars I have and it bleeding everywhere. He leaves and 14 hours later I still haven’t heard from him, I don’t know if he’s still out drinking or if he’s been fighting or if he’s hungover in his own house but I am SO worried and I don’t know if my anger is justified or not. I’m just so angry cause I was having a shitty day when I woke up and he knew that, I got a smoke and food with my friend and watched a movie and felt much better then he showed up and caused all that shit FOR HALF AN HOUR and left me stressed and worried. I don’t know what to do😭",4.815444137386501,4.333865281879199,5.422309514409792,87.40909001184369,69.0,8.622502960915911,26.925384919068303,7.928766900206844,1.2775619423608378,1106,28,253,12,17,358,159,298,0.244,0.67,0.086,-0.9966,1,0,4,0,2,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,15,17,7,2,10,0,18,10,2,4,2,67,42,43,1,7,11,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,4,13,31,5,1,10,4,0,3,6,13,0,3,11,4,27,4,34,31,7,40,1,1,2,1,32,18,3,11,19,159,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838228063996024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924135502521896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126564902086466,0.0,0.0,0.16536532255462089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758054252250001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325948316254007,0.0,0.20345417547871103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772729088434553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940157663613148,0.11483884298889925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770773644578234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950805900813061,0.0,0.09050806587927243,0.0,0.11974275913119725,0.0,0.07650732300917096,0.09154803830459206,0.051737052664111854,0.0,0.05627881747826216,0.0,0.07920022230396899,0.0,0.0,0.2941542381710336,0.08756845753384214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327502214819417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29256229814184664,0.22852565913531425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033575257370617,0.0,0.0,0.10955771314568022,0.0,0.3809551025180141,0.0,0.0,0.20970869371938344,0.10759215273200187,0.0,0.0,0.0483791528576258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418845318809637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998813679056624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279558119906605,0.07342660203610156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710265150326243,0.0,0.0,0.1161857977465349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730446519139874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268773170283227,0.0,0.09777633200105408,0.0,0.0,0.08456775252433535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330582421290803,0.0,0.10164887364751916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581647505979181,0.0,0.11343406860097956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655318044424952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578854392492632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774291812029881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911621144492494,0.0,0.10906326425646737,0.0,0.1168163247085377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917981913523563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113163275677498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,radgal19997,2019/10/04,"am i a stalker? After my first rollercoaster relationship we decided to call it quits and I accepted it and got on with my life. I see him all around campus and sometimes he talks to me. Before talking to me he unfriended me on Facebook so I just got on with my life. However afterwards, a couple of days later, I accidentally like one of his tweets one evening, and he deactivated the account. And I only realised this after two or so months. Then on his birthday weekend I on two occasions get off the bus early from uni to my house and his area is along the way to my place. Then later on campus I'm getting a bus from the gym and realise that I MIGHT see him and understand what I'm doing is not okay so I move away. I've since avoided my impulses to see him.

I mean, it was intentional that I got off the bus earlier than usual and I knew that I have to walk past his area. I think I was hoping to see him on all of those occasions. I was going home but I also was at that bus stop hoping to see him. Another occasion went to the bar with my friend because he sometimes goes there with his friends. Not cool, I know.

What if he saw me? What if I ruined his day?I feel SO GUILTY. I feel like dying. I know what I did isn’t okay, but I just need some help. I’m sick to my stomach. I'd appreciate your input as my friends, therapist and family keep on saying I'm NOT a stalker but I just can't get out of this spiral.

tl;dr am i a creepy stalker",1.2973062478661674,3.2179455247524764,3.595058609309209,87.8973267326733,80.55115511551155,6.819574371230226,22.989529987481518,7.873277556716777,1.1317207010356216,1126,38,245,20,29,388,150,303,0.08800000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.106,0.7562,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,0,2,11,13,0,1,11,3,14,5,1,1,2,51,44,24,1,5,12,0,2,2,3,1,3,1,1,0,14,18,1,3,10,3,1,4,5,2,0,5,11,10,51,11,40,32,3,37,0,1,6,0,27,17,0,7,17,169,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737454139301111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114567795885186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972638507674726,0.0,0.0,0.10265261338017123,0.0,0.0,0.06660339316637476,0.0,0.09297153041901288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156585735809713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089322475746922,0.0,0.14092628820973924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339379801543945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216467001817595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299984832200118,0.0,0.11048946704739752,0.0780547930847143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293581824481233,0.0,0.0,0.25324015669389305,0.0,0.17125026478797795,0.0,0.06209452026369519,0.0,0.2621536856549545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323413752433904,0.0,0.10959588432880232,0.2170380734932945,0.0,0.12607044539833362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711459559124618,0.0,0.0,0.1200919960033925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434600585193387,0.10675705077202753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901529736221488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590674329080372,0.0,0.0,0.08720964967629251,0.11612523669930933,0.0,0.08101431110890107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807372081427994,0.0830965437025967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043002676975288,0.0,0.0,0.11415260757125907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621060635499615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173034898429205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688729981810732,0.0,0.0,0.4353271759790928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903803378734686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161202817055895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913455820680064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563680983072194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685835035905346,0.0,0.07000888256696645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134607214809747,0.11374267864564926,0.0,0.0,0.12033357088595095,0.0,0.0,0.08672486600033256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128437142982187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mustardyellow123,2019/10/04,"I can’t cry anymore? I’ve always been an extremely over emotional and highly sensitive person. It never took much to make me cry. My ex dumped me for the second time in 4 years last May and I’m absolutely still not over it. 

During our prolific fights I would cry, sob, have a mental breakdown etc. When we broke up I completely lost my mind. I sobbed for a week straight, didn’t leave my bed and just cried all day long. 

I still miss him and it’s been very hard to cope. I think about him daily (we are not on speaking terms) but whenever I feel sad now I cannot for the life of me cry. Even if it’s not about him and I am upset about something else, I can’t cry. 

I’ve never had this problem before, and I feel like I’m keeping stuff in because of it, and almost craving a release of some sort. But I have tried to force myself and it will not happen. I feel numb. And depressed. Like I’m just floating through the motions. 

It’s so strange to me to have gone from literally one extreme (basically my whole life) to the other and it’s very recent so I don’t really know how to deal with it. I’ve cried once since May and that was only because I ran out of my meds and had a bit of a mental breakdown because they really mess with my head when I don’t have them on a regular basis (depression meds). 

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Maybe I’m emotionally paralyzed from my breakup or something? I wish I could really cry and let it all out but the more I force it the more it will not happen...",2.180253133448024,3.70167695527157,3.6947763578274753,90.01468358318998,76.57188498402556,6.860113049889407,23.22057016465962,7.61054688173877,0.8714409928729409,1169,35,259,16,26,387,164,313,0.19399999999999998,0.757,0.049,-0.9914,0,0,2,0,1,0,34.0,3,0,2,1,14,16,2,1,13,0,25,4,1,2,4,54,45,23,0,5,12,1,4,2,0,5,3,1,1,1,17,19,0,1,6,0,0,4,13,14,0,2,11,5,39,2,33,27,10,31,0,8,0,0,13,12,2,7,17,173,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965904623039136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661929799031122,0.0,0.0,0.054097551110158286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889342483065831,0.05562405608349781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548103877488147,0.0,0.06769222096568793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684931835201301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834079307502973,0.0,0.0,0.06351516849372148,0.0,0.6990661549319958,0.051303949705753235,0.08201380500862687,0.13703468218094245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961580044992062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645482863708943,0.17896880916655394,0.0,0.0,0.08872062819069043,0.05254282431159516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206704469214158,0.05683140072136534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406937455580919,0.0,0.07126225921437279,0.0,0.08164249256254835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405022162445648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070877110582316,0.0,0.0,0.04371926488159485,0.06484485416756668,0.0,0.0842332456982933,0.0,0.0813465025601892,0.11237874525903063,0.07772940638855387,0.0,0.0,0.07040031801774056,0.0,0.0,0.08683954359469594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053101050776145936,0.0,0.07991988342007622,0.0,0.17672692279784652,0.0,0.16033781920640078,0.0,0.08032404516776454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847929304348365,0.0,0.12270959552567245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471944297905695,0.05390595907907097,0.06050228034807949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946104863047034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611976488323235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288762753566945,0.0,0.07854722330151473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580558343732733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248481682397087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705939903236632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910671036343784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097320359173997,0.0,0.06315477523065645,0.046386950613235285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838432200424767,0.05401005009374228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127615998261075,0.0,0.0,0.06381118265867228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881608565619585,0.09147996617561416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651089754829501,0.0,0.0,0.051228371413749516
bpd,DreadKnot606,2019/10/04,"5th date tonight and I already feel like I'm losing myself. Any tips on keeping my feet grounded in ME? Hello all! My biggest struggle with BPD is when it comes to romance. I become **disgustingly** subservient to the other person. I just so badly want to please / support / enable / lift up the other person that I will lose the entirety of myself to them. Not only is this unhealthy for myself but I actually find that it makes the other person uncomfortable. 

It's been 7+ years since I've dated because of this. Over that time I've strengthened my sense of self and now have my own goals and plans in life (college etc.) that I'm working on....but we have date 5 tonight and I can already feel myself so badly wanting to please him because I like him and don't want him to leave. 

Any tips to hold your sense of self? Thanks all - I'm so happy to have somewhere that I can talk to people who understand. :)",1.3231511746680304,3.8965808146067458,2.6800612870275806,90.25868232890707,86.35955056179779,4.359959141981616,21.574055158324818,5.852544927426893,0.2716764044943818,707,24,136,5,22,228,103,178,0.10400000000000001,0.715,0.18100000000000002,0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,1,6,6,12,1,1,4,0,10,2,1,1,2,23,24,10,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,14,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,2,23,6,20,22,4,17,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,0,11,88,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.1301601505431448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29437744875059024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140665955677332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227343315926372,0.16261505823840636,0.1473083090064269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798810011453327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489551065801075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875454122755533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348824006140421,0.09528707262369386,0.0,0.0,0.12190738206738252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198604744356674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185547377325112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123071573643756,0.0,0.0,0.09421060826353307,0.13032597292218925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29843737671159204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890325351386045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144189846193946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924692608058416,0.34938818512428244,0.0,0.2928235227197342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27828995039861903,0.0,0.0,0.1103337473376727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943828315613924,0.0,0.0,0.15135863741263164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720621240754627,0.0,0.1227988657804736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777752558580411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138853828857871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360138655533758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710260964667973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589268406788336
bpd,leafthatshithomie,2019/10/04,"Received a letter from a relative. I was having a relatively okay day until I came home and opened this letter, along with a newspaper clipping of an article about the side-effects of antidepressants (I am on citalopram myself.)

The letter:

Hi Leaf,

Thought this newspaper article might interest you and hope you're not still on antidepressants, but if you are, please try to wean yourself off. You're far too young to be dependent on medication. You should go out- enjoy yourself. Your life is just passing you by- you'll have done nothing. You can help yourself to get over depression you know, you just need to think more positive and cut down on pills. They have so many side effects (as the paper says) and they are quite often worse than the illness. Anyway, think about it, you're too young to be dependent on pills.

See you soon,

Love Ignorant Patronising Relative.

Xxx

The first thing I did once I read it was burst into tears of exasperation. I sent a text telling them how I feel. It just makes me feel fucking shit, I've been told to *just think positive* fuck knows how many times over the years and being told that in a WHOLE ASS LETTER by someone that I *THOUGHT FUCKING UNDERSTOOD ME JUST FUCKING SUCKS.*",3.4729793510324463,6.267695553097344,3.8506415929203577,84.22752581120945,77.98230088495575,7.306489675516224,26.23082595870207,8.344100000000001,2.0171657817109145,969,38,178,20,24,302,139,226,0.158,0.7490000000000001,0.094,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,10,3,3,16,14,7,0,13,1,19,12,2,6,0,41,45,12,0,4,8,0,2,0,0,3,5,1,1,0,8,11,0,1,11,1,0,5,1,9,0,1,12,4,24,5,31,27,2,29,0,1,1,6,26,15,7,6,9,119,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368618712581925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665905838434004,0.0,0.11573472015221932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375095813851882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588540927814385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429706411180456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969003408108316,0.07020401413684799,0.0,0.07636691103182364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006696309212651,0.0,0.13478643707124474,0.13346207667435234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769507414629687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949111745042616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127630469110305,0.0,0.08969459633950565,0.2724649728901654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353660199663754,0.0,0.14254784343752155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996354052255264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289339072302601,0.0,0.0,0.14310218214227596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750050432782888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292154925714126,0.1344087269966157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685829710619826,0.0,0.0,0.10707737680088827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793130058789002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138532679001982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073099434076343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744736877352535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927102782087824,0.2583011552577261,0.0,0.21335329483802276,0.07835360599952147,0.0,0.0,0.2567971042660145,0.0,0.0912300146725326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002194561027551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693691859340806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653139679771946
bpd,cad0420,2019/10/04,"I'm a good girlfriend with some emotional dysregulation I am always honest and candid to people. During early stage dating I've already told my dates I have this problem and I even told him it's called BPD. I'm very caring, gentle, good at sex, good-looking, intelligent, and kind hearted. I have the ability to earn a quite decent monthly salary. I am fun and delightful to be with. I have a really high moral standard so I don't cheat or lie. I always apologize if I have done something wrong. I have my own life goals and plans, even though my intense emotions cause me dysfunctional every once a while. 

The only issue is I have this intense emotions, I cannot help myself from splitting. But I have tried to manage it. Sometimes it worked a little bit, but no matter if I managed it or not I will always realized my fault and apologize first. I would say I've already improved compared to what I used to be. 

Yet, I was seen still as a freak. Everytime I have a negative expression, even it's just a pout, my bf flees way immediately. It feels like he's forgetting all the good parts at me and just remembers how bad I am.",3.99524886877828,5.549078027149324,5.284524886877829,80.32959276018101,71.89592760180994,8.095927601809954,27.932126696832576,8.671277953709913,2.1504099547511317,888,33,168,16,17,296,134,221,0.12300000000000001,0.691,0.18600000000000005,0.621,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,6,10,14,1,0,11,0,20,3,1,3,1,31,28,18,0,4,9,0,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,9,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,3,29,8,12,19,5,15,1,0,1,1,12,4,0,5,9,113,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547247004319669,0.0,0.2881013777978753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636596847287396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600232589944085,0.0,0.14536004255565094,0.0,0.11785071952075855,0.0,0.1176723862180592,0.118562092444624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181087146127958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894760485114899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286898112113931,0.0,0.09724137298610692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835684634774106,0.08245186963921887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817119062014423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387215548760284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676628665390855,0.07735965110744653,0.12194135334626408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204623546550646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018604448403562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152040541588443,0.056385508726987235,0.11567526756557578,0.0,0.0,0.0969187921299686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212244863153407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291226997314493,0.0,0.08777763822139834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498224379983212,0.0,0.08001361808760563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043572481859956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227571221087914,0.0,0.0,0.07393723994724265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074169813327946,0.0,0.0,0.09178193977314203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885142739194324,0.1141475147736326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216986448053248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339378587958425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205662732416264,0.0,0.07835861078579329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968074241832717,0.0,0.09522873527868432,0.0,0.0916103555380313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402285317163964,0.0,0.0,0.08198687870974107,0.12618722106067634,0.0,0.0
bpd,wiscofabulous,2019/10/04,"Extreme BPD relapse after feeling I was cured I have BPD and after 4 years of misdiagnosis and cycling through different therapies/therapists i finally found a clinic that specializes in BPD and DBT where I was able to get the proper treatment that actually worked for me. I have a lot of experience with buddhism and meditation so that really helped me excel with DBT, after the 6 month program that involved one on one therapy and a weekly group I felt the best I ever had. I felt and even foolishly believed i was cured, i didnt see myself as borderline anymore. I was stable and at peace. I went on a 4 month trip to Europe by myself afterwards from June until September. (I'm a very experienced traveler and have had plans to move to Germany for a while now) I was doing quite well on the majority of the trip except for two weeks in July. In august I was feeling even better then when I first completed my DBT program, I had so many experiences that were eye opening that I grew a lot from. 

Everything was going so well until around the end of August I began a very intense relationship with a guy I met on Instagram. It was one of those 0-100 things, I immediately felt very extreme feelings for him and he reciprocated everything I felt. I felt almost kind of high, I felt this rush and all I could do was think of him, and I couldn't stand being a second without him. I began to notice my mind slipping fast, I could no longer focus on my meditation and gradually I began to feel that extreme fear over him possibly leaving me, and I was already switching back and forth rapidly between idealizing and devaluing him. It was very confusing. Although he was supportive he was an enabler and really fed into my issues. I eventually spiraled downwards rapidly and even the depression, anxiety, and OCD symptoms I suffered from all came rushing back. I broke things off with him after one month realizing how awful he has been for me. I don't think I ever truly loved him, he just satisfied this very deep need for validation i still had lurking underneath the surface. I spend almost all my time alone and was very lonely for the past few years so he filled a void that was there.. but in an unhealthy way. He also had a lot of issues and I think he just really liked how needed/important I made him feel when we had to rescue me all the time from my freak outs/intense emotions. 

Now I'm back home at my family's house (which is an extremely unhealthy environment and in a different state then my beloved DBT clinic) because I have mo where else to go and im stuck in a very heavy depression, I haven't been able to meditate, I've completely lost focus on my spirituality, stopped going to the gym and doing yoga... I have become extremely apathetic. I wake up every morning not able to find even the slightest care to get myself back on track. I think I feel extremely crushed how I could be doing so well only to fall back into this. It's like my mind wants to be this way, it WANTS to suffer and I have to work so damn hard to keep myself mentally strong and healthy, it's times like this when I have no strength left and I say fuck it, I'll just suffer then. I have bulimia too and after not doing that for 5 months its back worse then ever. It's like I've lost all my will to fight after falling so hard. I've lost sight of my dreams, my goals, everything that I care about.. my compassion for others... I've regressed into the same miserable creature I was most of my life, barely ever leaving bed and completely isolating myself. This has been a pattern in my life. It's even more difficult because I feel like with all that I know now through DBT and my buddhist practice its ridiculous that I'm feeling this way, like I'm just being stubborn and foolish and lazy.

I was in Europe having a taste of my dream life, everything that I've been working for these past two years, only to fall back into thinking its impossible for me and that I probably just need to be heavily medicated in order to stop this intense cycles of highs and lows. I'm worried DBT alone wont be enough to keep me on track. Or maybe it would if I did another program and stayed away from relationships forever 🙃 

Sorry for such a long post and for my poor writing, my brain isn't functioning that well. I guess just anyone who can relate or give me some kind of insight/advice would be helpful.",6.315474794841733,6.45302657444314,7.096459788980074,74.57021371629543,65.78780773739743,10.153425556858153,33.00372801875733,9.936622853432077,3.1833171113716285,3480,136,645,71,50,1159,361,853,0.151,0.7390000000000001,0.11,-0.9886,2,4,0,0,1,0,74.0,1,0,0,17,51,44,5,3,33,1,66,14,3,4,10,128,123,62,0,12,14,0,16,6,0,4,7,1,2,1,42,48,2,5,23,5,2,16,11,21,4,8,49,22,99,23,103,59,17,122,0,12,3,2,31,39,2,12,65,465,141,8,0.14499483784635028,0.0,0.04716468199374185,0.0,0.0,0.04722909247875421,0.0,0.0,0.0967942570947912,0.100113949235779,0.05333513636283157,0.038650773146844765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050679909938234416,0.036973551361378185,0.0,0.04793197262280231,0.033794587306689626,0.0,0.0,0.04302538212467053,0.0,0.0,0.045409141031613115,0.260148187382144,0.0,0.058925004905137524,0.05337846891181169,0.0,0.05445317669064464,0.0507210456163768,0.04274538373152685,0.0,0.0,0.18261592248255398,0.05395406390281719,0.0,0.05527848914356078,0.09855460038915563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202432883966668,0.0,0.0,0.11576657968297495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325589424936289,0.0,0.0,0.10099249664755183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040374860563134836,0.0543665589351701,0.042807463194640766,0.049939475686190136,0.0,0.1596128715310505,0.1748748425908671,0.04072146815387605,0.0,0.17374934791357866,0.09455518249450814,0.0455627429704772,0.05438650118052624,0.1955033243267508,0.03452811370959038,0.2784355651189053,0.052944919189664735,0.0441742183295324,0.04111084500048609,0.0,0.052993118582482984,0.0,0.04468179705775362,0.05050254555565287,0.046364086845000235,0.08240390775543029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324272025010498,0.047855895174606464,0.0,0.0,0.08659126321449763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479132229893382,0.10213000463578173,0.04848054817211552,0.0,0.0,0.05576819183170475,0.0,0.0,0.05220643537105125,0.1008912932467126,0.0,0.08591871599214056,0.0,0.10065987414011984,0.026561790312585182,0.0,0.0,0.10235239845162353,0.052512438523076466,0.0,0.10241414197766267,0.14167430759914254,0.0,0.0,0.042771956257520734,0.0,0.0,0.15827899353179398,0.12326942607249812,0.04362116737758565,0.04573254046624282,0.0,0.049000669245503295,0.04855560108248734,0.0,0.0,0.04868901496653242,0.0487068977997675,0.0,0.09760230189519836,0.0,0.1543113283166852,0.051368855375161566,0.0,0.07167455669343296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502586130246146,0.0,0.0,0.1310030061607795,0.07351673859985115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227598615481417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544866312656816,0.04628832479389288,0.0,0.05210965293661269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140661927232165,0.0,0.0,0.09288740592938656,0.0,0.0,0.10378012869580752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384352382406916,0.0,0.0,0.038514037739533886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054103283355590746,0.0,0.05151506832238697,0.03859768826718762,0.08081478458573993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484614124049067,0.0,0.05023505135140402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552714111675733,0.05611672740525445,0.06421875165906682,0.15484472909498748,0.0,0.0,0.08454765596580542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442592533461808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27915049472586234,0.05701447469899217,0.11509015332826047,0.07753740864436487,0.0,0.17382369653848692,0.04480388910822872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658994984367567,0.0,0.1055579688323272,0.04908309868329568,0.049254042340326036,0.06866678180061106,0.0,0.0,0.0933719217305565
bpd,nainamaina,2019/10/04,"DAE feel like shit for being a pathological liar? I lie about everything. Even the smallest things that no normal person would ever think about lying. 

I lie to my friends that I have other friends, so they don’t think I’m lonely and desperate. 
In the past I lied to my ex boyfriend and told him I’m not a virgin, so he wouldn’t feel special for being my first. 
I lie to my sister when I FaceTime her( the closest to me) that I just got out of a shower or that I just came back from the club. 

I even lie  when I get to know people and we share very intimate stuff with each other.

I lied to my best friend that I don’t actually think my dad leaving my mom and my sisters for another woman ( and not supporting us financially anymore) was that big of a deal. That it’s nor his fault that he wanted sons and my mom could only have daughters. Also that I don’t have daddy issues because he was an asshole and that it generally didn’t affect me that much. 

Even though that’s the biggest lie ever lol. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because my dad  wasn’t affectionate at all with us. That it kills me inside that he never looked back. 

I feel like I lie to make myself look like a cold emotionless bitch or to make myself look like a slut, whatever i‘m feeling that day tbh. 

Sometimes I really don’t know if something actually happened or if I just made it up. But i‘m generally very good at creating a false image of my life to other people. 

DAE do this?",4.534513826940231,5.015710644067799,5.665263157894735,82.09951828724354,69.67796610169492,8.380017841213203,27.390722569134702,8.371475516178862,1.7265593220338982,1140,35,233,16,19,380,150,295,0.125,0.735,0.14,0.4346,1,2,1,0,0,0,24.0,3,0,1,2,18,20,4,0,13,1,17,6,2,4,4,48,43,20,1,7,11,9,4,4,3,2,2,0,1,2,25,13,0,0,9,1,0,1,12,7,0,1,8,8,42,13,26,30,4,19,0,1,3,2,28,8,2,5,14,162,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.20190936800269044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273089999769602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084789311991962,0.0,0.0,0.10259704815434152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909712183228164,0.0,0.12612732660352086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856698096890732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832206150145247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259837641056662,0.0,0.11363767657852525,0.06671828241412091,0.10665495026806096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498813510629746,0.18715735723489552,0.0,0.0,0.0929764061399935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923470162735835,0.14781292532309367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799661506470145,0.0,0.0,0.23978135672960615,0.0,0.05404964384696772,0.0,0.0,0.08677102054096435,0.08274038793670192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148267437382702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107977497119141,0.0,0.0,0.11445482630516833,0.0,0.113709540027126,0.0,0.0,0.1095412245526693,0.0,0.0,0.07307153646589283,0.20216659797372116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606220498006261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788922507652828,0.1381106492770551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24232455661639016,0.0,0.0,0.07604946619179591,0.0,0.07978891972411116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136145202619888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868026243813388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875708506216414,0.14344182863244814,0.09033070330624103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627429902280245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619247009996152,0.0,0.0,0.1035271785264475,0.0,0.0,0.07964276285912496,0.20463426906969934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842832323362287,0.0,0.11739663289496087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872922181010561,0.19886448971032056,0.1016415229737212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098853264996037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888115860779345,0.0,0.0,0.17071823838504502,0.061018945039247575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734896639289313,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LayneFFS,2019/10/04,"Struggling with apathy It's not like I don't know what i want,It feels like i know that I don't want anything at all and I don't even feel depressed.

I don't understand this.",-0.7430769230769272,1.3623469999999998,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,91.82051282051279,5.171282051282052,18.056410256410253,6.742157984588678,-0.09904512820512812,139,4,34,2,5,46,24,39,0.306,0.615,0.079,-0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,2,10,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27250381698879816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852143865241647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187179065003545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348733516949506,0.2365697914437519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639768594063456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235610811097576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461842688335484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447332406127975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906353675228227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alpacalicious,2019/10/04,"A video about BPD I made a video about how it feels living with BPD. I read out loud things people with BPD have written to me (here, on facebook etc)

[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eafFBJDwFY)",6.1022727272727275,9.833936727272727,3.360833333333337,85.66125000000002,75.66666666666667,5.724242424242425,20.37121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.5737939393939393,164,4,27,2,4,44,26,33,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8584303204090477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533818534392401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487633379756335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006168503033091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149768696610069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750801619762886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272559190834665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509378886943123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fayemarshallxo,2019/10/04,"I need friends with BPD/EUPD I really need some good friends who have similar struggles to me. I really need some people there for me right now who *really* understand what I’m going through.  I need a friend where we can text each other and help each other out. 
I feel like people with BPD really need other people to validate their emotions but also tell them when they’re being unreasonable. I don’t get that from my neurotypical friends I have (which are very very few).  
If anyone wants a friend who’s quick at replying, doesn’t mind phone calls, will put lots of time into them back and help them also, and is looking for a mutual friendship and someone to be there, then please private message me with your number. 
I’m very low and suicidal a lot of the time so if that is a trigger then I’d advise to not reach out as it can get intense. 
Greatly appreciate anyone who responds to this. 
Thanks guys.",5.144753787878784,6.202409119318182,5.684545454545457,80.43015151515155,68.60227272727272,8.821212121212124,27.734848484848484,9.075114841892004,2.1746530303030323,719,23,136,13,12,232,110,176,0.065,0.7070000000000001,0.228,0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,4,0,10,11,0,1,6,0,12,0,0,1,0,32,27,15,1,8,4,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,13,14,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,17,9,19,24,7,17,0,1,1,0,24,7,0,6,9,95,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771299453518909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487486835207867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515821928862125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789659450176747,0.0,0.11308588235152266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245763645732294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055997413399958944,0.07911824779348421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278173634347446,0.0,0.11572230522294788,0.0,0.06294052481195614,0.09288999712910682,0.0,0.12209983637677305,0.0,0.10965773006452596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484638267711312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410577917691604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300025633301927,0.0,0.0,0.1883076320433452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182370359858226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105904383204168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230335732485218,0.0,0.0,0.12156782338037775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133212401163783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837914966347712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945780129105452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383624840094032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577764260020115,0.0,0.12114011403959712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679845535861148,0.10196169138228364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915586124634562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152923616620726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27413559114450803,0.06532191962454753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sympatae,2019/10/04,"DAE... Anger Last night, I got angry with my girlfriend for absolutely no reasin, and when she began to grow tired of it, I grew even worse. I feel like I can't stop, and it's losing control. Has anyone else gotten this way?..",2.1976666666666667,4.04331271111111,3.219722222222224,92.01625,77.44444444444444,5.388888888888888,17.916666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.3879999999999999,172,3,37,1,4,55,40,45,0.33799999999999997,0.58,0.08199999999999999,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,1,6,1,4,3,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134206309523411,0.29503987003233745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229615775081892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405461457241945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018894688058408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559669831406988,0.20571228125930172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303007523534793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471853076677804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067833368665747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32214355990781884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27022254568411536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24073996390938146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309573623741659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22856213336538075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934467111725377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,orangeleaves_,2019/10/04,hate this disorder when it comes to having friends So my friend didn’t text me back and I texted them at 7 last night it’s now 7 in the morning and still no reply. My heart is broken and I feel like I did something wrong or they hate me. I want to throw up I know maybe they were busy or something but my emotions are to much. I don’t know why I’m getting so emotionally over this. I really hope they reply today and don’t just ghost me. I don’t know if I could take all of that. Have you guys ever over reacted When someone didn’t text you back and it turned out everything was fine.,0.5740109890109899,2.5659973412698456,2.1439682539682536,96.95445054945057,83.52380952380952,5.464224664224664,18.42246642246642,6.67199483983844,-0.1830969474969475,459,11,109,5,13,149,81,126,0.12300000000000001,0.767,0.11,-0.1334,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,4,0,10,8,2,0,1,0,13,1,1,1,2,22,26,13,1,4,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,5,1,21,5,10,20,2,18,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,4,11,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506833552165997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404153759074502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301471572557582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681918503626868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36671998678201945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474484067492276,0.0,0.0,0.1464994286428731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242081382054205,0.11645163544641607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25187631442188085,0.0,0.08516399235747127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140172920269524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218696774649557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931630880472523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190190002171154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26875177268309663,0.1328717790209003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963657750233205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376160029179024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982828556438732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297024167333825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442592205519896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811459296935508,0.2509802161385727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017693236791264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256034823928112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154510782752176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177303896990189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614525830543434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708770815742828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822165014878635,0.0,0.0
bpd,halfwoodenjacket,2019/10/04,"Who should I trust? Should I trust medicated me, or suffering me? It feels like I have two personalities depending on what drugs I have in my body. 

SSRI makes me case less, but is that person just floating through life and not dealing with the underlying issues? 2 week clean (from SSRIs) me is frustrated and full of different desires. 

Who do I trust to make my decisions? 

Much love folks x",3.0693493150684965,5.8454387260274006,4.1331335616438345,81.68271404109589,79.54794520547945,8.033561643835617,25.56335616438357,8.841846274778883,2.305220547945205,309,12,58,8,8,100,58,73,0.078,0.679,0.244,0.9344,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,0,7,5,1,3,0,15,11,4,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,11,5,8,9,3,5,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,2,2,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27661060370097024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25673381006242896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601780920377248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887899057268932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591450751009714,0.17790348877053133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599173706117561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589370129425916,0.12166102190920924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475475857113766,0.0,0.3324522032027275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086645914690753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306200658817867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348779980140293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432612115550976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997528104790076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lovelyb1ch66,2019/10/04,Well BPDs it's that wonderful time of the year again When seasonal depression kicks in and takes the usual shit to a whole 'nother level of shittiness. Tried talking to someone yesterday and they suggested chocolate wtf Why chocolate when tequila works so much better. Trying to describe how I feel rn just sounds like I'm trying to name punk/alt bands. Done like a Thanksgiving turkey.,4.384673913043478,7.611584768115946,4.020126811594203,81.6023641304348,78.13043478260869,7.507971014492752,27.46557971014493,8.472884824447931,2.6042014492753642,315,13,50,7,8,95,57,69,0.139,0.687,0.175,0.2212,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,7,6,1,0,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,5,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,4,7,4,2,10,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,1,10,27,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848014164399545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030301182324266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122913616593625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918994868401282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303272473513886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328544266027282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419689461337041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997295402150943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772363185971583,0.18946731222594448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745349596989334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801266372169593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596184509190886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119456284626749,0.0,0.21270569380089674,0.263179219811064,0.0,0.0,0.2556343633144882,0.17161104796746324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179956109585066
bpd,ImaStillInsane,2019/10/04,"Any other guys out there never had a girlfriend or sexual experience? I am just thinking if i am alone or not. I am 22 and have never had a girlfriend or any sexual experience. I asked a girl out 1 time, on the outside i was fine but on the inside i was a wreck filled with jealousy, possesiveness and shame. I realised it was all wrong but i kept it inside. I feel like mabey a relationship is impossible for me for many reasons until i get help. Not only am i ugly and weird and feel unloveable but in an relationship i think i would be unhealthy for the girl that for some reason loves me.

Anyone else?",3.7818916437098267,5.080548933884297,5.451680440771352,79.92277318640956,72.05785123966942,8.022405876951332,25.841138659320478,8.515128840125781,1.7197706152433423,475,15,94,8,9,162,73,121,0.18100000000000002,0.69,0.129,-0.7787,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,9,0,13,1,0,2,3,29,21,12,0,2,10,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,2,15,3,11,13,2,10,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,5,5,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705585434442967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563983768776865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628560653386073,0.18505466948097007,0.0,0.0,0.1688444922416956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508751596420957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533393813593085,0.0,0.0,0.18264208753262826,0.12902669124835245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436044504880052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883073089487694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105801678235095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823615106888667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300615036370078,0.0,0.0,0.1831085901442138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27859269513216345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373608418445712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37139107184956777,0.0,0.3878117042701055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314531656193477,0.0,0.0,0.10531422204549692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829903957285332,0.19746695475221893,0.0,0.0
bpd,rololercoaster,2019/10/04,"the joyful experience of psychiatric prescription drugs, dependence, and withdrawal (benzos for anxiety) hi guys ☻

so i’ve been taking xanax daily for abt a year. was originally prescribed 1mg a day, eventually got prescribed up to 6mg a day. i usually only took 4-5mg a day, but that’s still a pretty hefty dose. tolerance / dependence! ★

lately like the last few months i was getting sick of the side effects of this drug, sick of feeling like “it wasn’t working” and fuck, it’s way too easy for me to abuse. abt two weeks ago i decided to cut my dose down to 2mg/day. big jump in comparison to what i was taking (even tho it was just to feel “normal”).  the withdrawal was really uncomfortable for about a week and a half. cold sweats, tension everywhere thru out my body, constantly sore, a sense of dread / heightened anxiety, broke out in a weird rash, was unable to speak articulately / sentences were hard to form... couldn’t listen to music, couldn’t go on the computer, all i could do was just watch yt on my phone and lay in bed. and smoke weed. weed seemed to help with the withdrawal a lot. weed seems to help everything w/ me but that’s a different topic.

today i still feel slightly clammy but i was able to do things on my computer and listen to music! my personality is coming back in ways it’s been suppressed this past year, and i feel more clear headed. my eyes look more alive when i see them in the mirror too :) 

tomorrow it’ll be two weeks of me being on this 2mg per day dose. i’m going down to 1mg per day for two weeks next. the withdrawals shouldn’t be nearly as intense as my initial jump down to 2mg from 6mg ☻

after those two weeks are done, i’m done taking xanax. 

idk why i’m posting this here... idk how many of u are prescribed or take anti anxiety meds recreationally. i guess for a long time i felt like i could never get off this medication. bc i was aaaalways NEEDING it. with a strong enough willpower to wanna get better tho u can succeed. 

cold turkeying off benzos is super dangerous and is something that can actually kill you. i don’t think antidepressants can or really any other drug can. heroin will make u feel like ur dying for sure if u withdrawal from that, but heroin withdrawal won’t kill you. benzos and alcohol are the only two substances that if u stop taking abruptly after taking for an extended period of time that can kill you from withdrawal. seizures aren’t uncommon with benzo withdrawal either. i’m honestly lucky i didn’t have any seizures with my jump from 6mg a day to 2mg a day. but i made it :)

i would really recommend looking into the sub benzorecovery if any of u out there are wanting to get off benzos but are finding it too hard to do so, or whatever the reason may be. many ppl there who can help guide u how to taper off these medications safely (or u can look into it urself by reading “the ashton manual”):

https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm

i believe dr ashton passed away earlier this month but she did great work in benzo research and how to properly treat withdrawal / properly quitting these medications. because the sad truth is most doctors don’t know anything abt benzo withdrawal. some might be able to help you but most assume years of benzo use is no problem and won’t have devastating side effects if not taken with extreme care. the slower the taper the better. in my situation i had to reduce my dose so drastically because of my circumstances. it is not recommended to do what i did.

i feel a sense of clarity that i haven’t felt in a while. things in general just make more sense! xanax has its place in medicine and if you’ve been taking this drug for an extended period of time and it’s working for you that’s great. if you’re taking it sparingly only for panic attacks, even better. it wasn’t like that for me and ik a lot of us struggle with a lot of things. i hope maybe this helps anybody wishing to quit benzos. it’s not easy but i’m finally feeling like it can be done!",3.27684404901796,5.3862858030888034,4.641378770074425,81.8430552291422,75.13899613899612,8.004991326730456,25.289183593531426,8.800298477739341,1.9998379833249391,3147,109,599,68,69,1043,334,777,0.14,0.6759999999999999,0.185,0.9851,4,0,7,0,1,0,92.0,1,5,1,13,24,38,7,4,37,0,70,26,5,13,5,113,123,45,4,19,26,0,11,6,0,8,20,3,1,2,43,26,1,3,19,1,0,8,17,15,0,6,28,22,46,23,99,77,14,88,0,2,6,1,22,33,1,26,50,376,89,9,0.106331882363013,0.06299294654104702,0.05188228931393346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471283990080762,0.056818222327851615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846398942369433,0.0,0.12201539844681647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043751039560607996,0.0,0.0,0.060483933378436786,0.0499511518557882,0.04088132703088133,0.0,0.06481892855164252,0.0,0.0,0.059899809512160486,0.0,0.1410628634719796,0.0,0.05905537524916496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054206220358781726,0.0,0.0,0.04579775069371253,0.0,0.057453494870576674,0.0,0.0848973557628508,0.0,0.0,0.2743010700279754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517785312680504,0.05554709274091983,0.0,0.054417593633094584,0.0,0.16322164994758445,0.0,0.0,0.24662245080538586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493462939240959,0.0,0.07023120546090356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778211977426074,0.0520064922197798,0.0,0.0,0.18817608123413934,0.1139452770093768,0.10209528213437608,0.05824068983366605,0.04859270705766156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915105591774007,0.11110803969615027,0.0,0.060430859166090936,0.0,0.042521659964007794,0.11723127568974268,0.058568278192637865,0.05264264050705675,0.0,0.0,0.09525248088706788,0.0,0.05456359402662788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818004842010934,0.0,0.0,0.05280577576432857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646071018344087,0.0,0.029218610863875512,0.043337338026571366,0.05997349739813626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584516007518545,0.0,0.0,0.04705018491103245,0.13393800122405694,0.0,0.0,0.1355993458814051,0.0,0.05030689904462002,0.07097735715790945,0.107803839267225,0.05341233390501417,0.0,0.05905537524916496,0.1606772771990227,0.0,0.056400661849561363,0.0,0.0,0.08487309403682539,0.0,0.0,0.039421871722892465,0.04100485141548644,0.0,0.05654258160098445,0.0,0.05209133415972618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130528205279943,0.0,0.062378776734539024,0.0,0.0,0.05075290670938717,0.0,0.04642244913374236,0.05554709274091983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091827522833129,0.054088875682465024,0.0,0.05087262549350826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309704554317608,0.05318032864024883,0.0,0.10217838993780684,0.05466344230958843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042366371704051435,0.09680055215707753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597607454536269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409297389744002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491677860959411,0.04444910744099692,0.0,0.05558058528633137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050108270370500745,0.0,0.3197933694837971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596326675320653,0.03406658836249445,0.0,0.0,0.0930044635563294,0.0,0.05039509570973617,0.0,0.05906931688132665,0.0,0.0,0.25967699610465794,0.0,0.06395208109167297,0.04591830303366072,0.058554772983835775,0.0,0.03135864959089034,0.08440129887803287,0.21323255547834494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797399248315535,0.0,0.06113820853952698,0.0,0.0,0.1161163151503204,0.0,0.0,0.037767559209969374,0.0,0.0,0.10271136902111344
bpd,DumbPoorHeart,2019/10/04,"Itching for bad things So I've had the strong urge to walk the streets at night alone. I don't live in a bad area and I'm sure a cop would spot me before someone with bad intentions would, but what if? What if I was obducted and beaten or worse? It's like a dice roll and I want the odds against my favor. I walked around this sketchy wooded area pond near my house the other day where people smoke pot and I assume do really bad things. The front of the pond is nice and off the main road. However the back is completely cut off and unsupervised. So I passed some guys smoking the good stuff and walked away but was very tempted. Then passed some highschoolers doing the same thing. Basically I went there as a 20yr old female asking for something to happen and nothing did. My boyfriend is really worried and rightfully so and I'm not by any means justifying my actions but... I crave negative attention because sometimes it feels better then hurting myself!",3.5131224165341837,5.826126302702705,3.8346581875993633,86.95265500794916,75.16216216216216,7.1637519872814,24.93640699523053,8.124751697461798,1.5110699523052469,766,26,148,13,17,238,124,185,0.174,0.713,0.11199999999999999,-0.9323,1,1,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,14,2,0,14,0,12,1,1,1,1,31,20,22,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,12,0,0,4,0,0,8,3,7,0,0,5,1,14,7,16,13,4,27,0,1,0,0,2,13,0,6,7,96,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136659330701607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938653227827493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010385800696134,0.13662986212780587,0.0,0.13731207360056222,0.11237978660351064,0.488114226686009,0.08909125372812966,0.0,0.12436228564755038,0.0,0.0,0.1292571747380438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532347552091307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425420465061267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389747485098969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258309464632715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471077961729326,0.12923933891006573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863666405920752,0.15645584303761995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140116325484216,0.0,0.12905250507122298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919942739762705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715121294019494,0.0,0.14023419022840555,0.0,0.1533591001532048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132151924612028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725396149733686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481069939060285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238318233878423,0.1125128675056448,0.1445453897906532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673059768716151,0.0,0.0,0.13774398093912585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29128529258702746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058847437393318,0.08620264079334973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354818606794946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842170333616933,0.14893861749667636,0.20764053189103687,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carrieesson,2019/10/04,"Help: in a state of panic because someone hasn’t replied to my text I’ve basically been in a panic attack for the past 12 hours. My heart is racing, I feel sick, I keep having diarrhoea, and I feel like I could cry any minute. 

It sounds so pathetic but this is literally because someone hasn’t replied to my text message. 

This is someone that I’ve been dating and have seen 3 times and have been intimate with but not had sex with yet because I’m holding off due to attachment issues. 

We agreed to see each other on Monday but he’s ignored my text message since and has been posting on his Instagram story. We haven’t been contacting 24/7, only the casual message in between seeing each other, but for some reason it’s always after about the 3rd or 4th time seeing someone that I start to get attached and I can’t stop thinking about them. 

Rationally, I know I shouldn’t be upset. I should be able to handle the space and the space is probably a good thing. He has the right to live his life and not contact me 24/7.  I know rationally I have no valid reason to feel this way. 

But emotionally I feel like I could break down. I know it’s because of my insecure attachment and abandonment issues. I’m trying so hard to rationalise my thoughts but it doesn’t stop the emotional reaction. 

Does anyone have any advice on coping mechanisms please?",5.529355635383926,6.31498478244275,6.183947013920072,78.1767916479569,67.58778625954199,9.218140996856759,30.67894027840144,9.325443323948027,2.6753966771441404,1071,40,199,20,17,350,137,262,0.14300000000000002,0.762,0.096,-0.9148,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,1,0,5,11,1,4,10,0,28,4,1,2,0,45,46,17,0,4,9,0,5,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,14,0,6,11,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,8,10,26,4,27,32,3,27,0,1,4,1,13,11,0,2,14,127,38,0,0.10976589355065093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726196079498444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133401659653938,0.0,0.0,0.14928914329463586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767508649547618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487455023276298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26764907959314843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527826853629236,0.0,0.12057267985610795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605687314547802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469437123182361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220037355011464,0.1568335525696952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057348148960031,0.0,0.0,0.09206642370274017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832868040265397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007311235969313,0.07357376468126828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080972944919084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291341495848623,0.0,0.09756496962597863,0.0,0.0,0.18097339340797725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753089677795268,0.10725214219880654,0.0,0.09692529500961844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348190828586882,0.0,0.2575732513974547,0.0,0.0,0.1047839656638399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048998903941895,0.0,0.0,0.1051253839260518,0.0,0.11834619843355138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257152401076486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373947334160294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26240761716516914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079948143454446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372017141606714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769286441710431,0.0,0.0,0.1835384039994028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292358227988717,0.07033355243473284,0.0,0.08714185850992769,0.1280107504866354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452383649840559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712705711871603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LordSwogsy,2019/10/04,"Want to do things but freak out about actually doing them Always want to be able to hang out with friends and have fun, but when it come to actually doing them I freak out the whole time leading up to, and then am extremely anxious the whole time. 
For exams today I was supposed to meet some friends at a beachfront apartment and I drove am hour and a half there, and then freaked out when I got there, made up an excuse, and drove an hour and a half back home. And now all I feel is regret for not going because I so desperately want to be able to do things like this but I just can't bring myself to do them. anyone else?",5.669732142857143,4.998073562500005,5.830491071428572,85.8296875,67.28125,8.564285714285715,28.441964285714285,7.447530270364453,1.3452620535714277,488,13,108,4,7,155,74,128,0.14800000000000002,0.705,0.147,-0.4920000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,9,8,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,2,1,28,24,16,0,4,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,14,0,0,1,0,0,7,2,4,0,2,5,1,11,4,20,17,4,26,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,12,83,15,2,0.3357397933326938,0.0,0.3276336072452741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968120180344085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964520096660176,0.0,0.11737853491862005,0.17200254708125906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290815885460964,0.0,0.10233193089575647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460505176157576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023375807007493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488006368053534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25939173149027256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540433083877173,0.0,0.13426089157098345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838719363109533,0.0,0.3306360668014756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201275207516967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588425551499926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305060025253928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577257344019108,0.0,0.15912103352788526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970420432385795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748414892967069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OCDkiller123,2019/10/04,"Thumb sucking / regression I posted something similar in another sub. I suck my thumb, twirl my hair and rub my nose with my fingers. It’s soothing and I think I do this out of anxiety and habit. But it’s definitely childlike, I did it constantly when I was going through a very rough home life when I was 12-18. I don’t do it as much, but I still do it everyday. Not sure if it’s related to my bpd.",0.5627380952380996,2.6585821785714288,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523813,84.35714285714286,7.542857142857144,26.0,8.515128840125781,2.003985714285715,309,14,69,8,9,108,56,84,0.078,0.8740000000000001,0.048,-0.3056,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,7,4,3,0,1,11,11,9,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,14,1,7,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,5,47,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171052861038647,0.23134430580115234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808772510746157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267998725376555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186767417114404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033438322468824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360249608762386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223075713247285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896270434364425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328114853581098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415065653398182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850196738605757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937733598231885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495215210354073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AccioLove_,2019/10/04,"Literally my worst nightmare A friend/coworker messaged me at around 11pm, saying he was stranded an hour away from my house with no way to get home. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being stranded so I immediately jumped in my car, to drive an hour to pick up him. Only when I got there I found a company-wide house party. Cast, crew, everybody I work directly with in my department, their SOs, all at this house party that I never was invited to nor told about. I thought my heart would split in two, I started having a panic attack. Sauntered in to grab my friend in a hoodie and sweats, looking like a drowned rat, looking at everybody dressed to the nines and having a great time. I’ve never felt so isolated, so alone, and I had to put a brave face on for my friend the entire hour drive home to his home, pretending like I wasn’t dying inside. Why do I try so badly to help people who don’t have my back? Why do I care so much? This is my worst nightmare.",5.621482517482519,5.235440733333332,6.209790209790209,82.11566433566433,67.30769230769229,9.347319347319347,30.034965034965033,8.841846274778883,2.1273076923076917,753,24,158,11,11,246,117,195,0.145,0.703,0.152,-0.2789,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,1,10,12,1,1,12,0,14,3,3,1,3,16,25,10,2,2,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,3,0,4,6,0,0,4,1,0,6,7,5,0,2,10,5,26,7,27,12,4,28,0,0,2,0,12,12,0,0,11,104,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372120908727292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063418702097065,0.0,0.13589934498886175,0.1122335873258682,0.09185489857299703,0.09974143068643183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179415969839373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397728915721888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146972525885794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097820542248453,0.2768760609674912,0.0,0.062411242847040166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554050826674453,0.13170153368468354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155687237628253,0.08006936889792056,0.0,0.3594747035465645,0.0,0.3529226288896178,0.413511294361984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672110807447725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006272367856723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878144861846342,0.0,0.1842648828363692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085227240716988,0.0,0.14015680571549158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281629779606296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008706903963833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949968347666842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455213143841009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896706970401428,0.06965621541875262,0.0,0.0,0.11414608291145292,0.0,0.08110331967012092,0.0,0.11669192695685192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481924035898624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155823469406079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696596649733641,0.0,0.0,0.08485867687124851,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gigikittens,2019/10/04,"I researched therapists today And I found one I actually might contact. I moved across the state 9 months ago with a now ex and haven't found a therapist since I got here. I was with my last therapist for 2.5 years, got my diagnosis and was actually open and honest with her about all the shit that goes on with me. And I'm just so fucking scared to start over with someone else. And I'm terrified I'm gonna shut down because this new therapist will never be my old one. But I found one that seems like a good fit. The next step is to just make that call.",3.6964565217391296,4.5355133739130435,4.586684782608696,87.78176630434784,71.78260869565217,8.532608695652174,25.67934782608696,8.841846274778883,1.5257173913043482,438,13,99,8,8,142,76,115,0.065,0.802,0.133,0.7736,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,6,0,7,2,1,1,2,23,20,8,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,3,7,0,12,3,13,9,1,21,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,2,12,59,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.2489792025375097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308282033296001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776529020563869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026290196388127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065680946063232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419620694348994,0.0,0.11793610949034347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699939141688214,0.2040582466272662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398631213692854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623240997200136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851537490783505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353312661756453,0.0,0.0,0.10182489800283716,0.1355863763511586,0.0,0.0,0.09838959826754476,0.12320758766122845,0.13567179727981296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133862915045319,0.0,0.2593335412098337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277195000163179,0.0,0.0,0.11613464151237415,0.0,0.0,0.13094843880955762,0.1055269539504833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808937218276496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029447300902464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924729033571756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092113616738465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215068857015155
bpd,QuilavaLovesGasoline,2019/10/04,BPD and Body Dysmorphia I read somewhere that people with BPD have Body Dysmorphia by default. Is this true? It would just explain a lot.,2.4190000000000005,5.336575600000003,2.4235000000000007,88.81925000000004,93.0,5.7,26.25,7.1686216300943375,1.8268000000000004,110,5,19,2,4,33,22,25,0.0,0.871,0.129,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,7,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5939702210292553,0.6734802211708398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730635753527925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853590170272857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26743993602262045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993025949825115,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,atleastitried19,2019/10/04,"I skipped school again There hasn't been a week where I haven't skipped at least 1 day of school. It's my last year of highschool and the stress is just too much. The classmates kinda dislike me so that contributes as well, but generally i just do it because of my lack of motivation. I'm too impulsive. On some days I get out of bed and I'm just like ""what if i didnt go?"", and from a possibility it turns into reality every time. Today I woke up 1 hour later than I should have and I decided to skip the whole day. I am so in trouble, please give me some advice or just make me feel a bit better about it, because right now i feel like i am ruining my entire life because of my lack of motivation or laziness or whatever this is",4.647843137254903,4.402525418300655,6.079215686274508,81.75647058823529,69.32679738562092,9.41437908496732,30.0718954248366,9.150863307647796,2.213216993464052,571,20,127,10,9,195,97,153,0.102,0.759,0.138,0.7597,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,14,7,0,1,6,0,11,1,0,3,0,28,21,12,0,4,9,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,2,18,4,18,17,8,21,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,7,14,89,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274793500055893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232913988927281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634805546495495,0.19299860558701207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420265446707588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894526158717888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877114396377228,0.12629208036295428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923605557415192,0.16958403899594973,0.10046847648075333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409325975604995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409976579330802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248653503801982,0.17273212191825313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800240864830867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299540655847301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940519886130302,0.0,0.1992935401102093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096964783958206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578227659336673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025015550078965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030821767593125,0.0,0.1675673176892367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922865052217612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141802716563249,0.0,0.1589469702635893,0.0,0.0,0.1973692023219561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384089635883765
bpd,ShikiNine,2019/10/04,how do i stop being so embarrassed about my entire fucking life please help i want to disappear haha,3.647368421052629,6.460944526315793,4.883421052631579,76.97144736842105,77.42105263157895,8.010526315789475,25.28947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.560768421052632,82,3,13,2,2,27,18,19,0.258,0.374,0.368,0.4495,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591159129076221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328729935293084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507764189217785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451381143212904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151954044457605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929185297375362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,panoramaviewz,2019/10/04,"Is my chiropractor into me or am I just overthinking it? I noticed this once my name was called as he opened his door to let me inside. The minute he saw me, his eyes, and everything lit up. At this point I'm pretty used to strangers just gawking at me in public, but this look he made was very obvious he liked what he was seeing.

It was my first appointment, so he had to access the trigger areas I was having (legs, arms, etc.)
He had me sit up onto the table as he asked me to bend my back forward to see which leg I feel more pain. I was having trouble figuring out which leg had more pain so I asked him ""wait can you do that again?"" he laughed so hard as he leaned into me and asked ""what you like being punished?"" I was so caught off guard with that question that I just ignored him cause it already put me into an awkward position and told him that I was just trying to see which leg felt more.

Now, it's been a few times where he just places his hand on my shoulder as he walks me out through the door saying bye, whilst he smiles very big. 

Also, I was once wearing a stretchy pants type material that was printed, and as he was eight behind me shutting the door he commented ""those are some fun pants"" and I commented back saying ""uh OK?"" and he laughed very nervously and tried to divert his comment into saying "" yea there's a patient here who always wears camo print pants and I just think its so cool!""

Now as a borderline, I absolutely love the attention but at the same time I know I can't reciprocate by flirting because duh he's a doctor. He's not even supposed to be breaking those boundaries by being too comfortable touching my shoulder. So, please don't even try scolding me about how doctors shouldn't even be messed with cause I don't even flirt back in any way. Just want to hear some insight that's all.",3.7571137349883976,4.98113039509537,4.308386315470788,88.38347764658394,72.02452316076294,7.180906246846303,26.39913210212938,7.526774132740827,1.2292618629528709,1433,47,300,16,27,454,195,367,0.063,0.809,0.128,0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,2,0,1,30,19,1,2,13,4,31,16,11,6,2,53,52,25,0,2,11,0,5,2,0,1,4,4,3,0,22,17,0,3,8,0,0,4,5,8,1,2,20,17,42,11,38,26,9,41,0,0,7,1,45,25,0,4,14,198,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852124470285955,0.08588967900875727,0.08936741990943509,0.0,0.0,0.07303733074428842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012203022186466,0.0,0.0,0.24775750159442905,0.0,0.06547152029357098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096698823713681,0.0,0.0,0.22066374791737872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986186229770185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978209238731535,0.28375315027998765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965263726004949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054305892238472514,0.0,0.10312316919606468,0.0,0.0,0.09135644628518322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621147517799594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105033668736274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902556296036472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982625443213448,0.0,0.10494279771366537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901909854746071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693488018502827,0.10162676968911437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227837064197593,0.0,0.2287601508886549,0.0,0.0,0.22856750138184234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221267277624096,0.11789560830260233,0.10153000543045357,0.0,0.0,0.10926687623599142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079691000381224,0.120315294154045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562321531765482,0.0,0.0,0.25675747749302963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881913605007488,0.0,0.0,0.12525443332024147,0.0,0.0,0.1026276179724104,0.0,0.21875758576462664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276120960621707,0.0,0.26585474163052203,0.06334873188880974,0.0852510443441579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,silas95,2019/10/04,"EXTREME sex drive I’m a guy, so maybe it’s more common in men. I’ve touched on it in a post here before but my hypersexuality has been reaching new highs. I’m attracted to any and every female, regardless of body type, race, or age. I am literally CONSTANTLY thinking of sex, and the darker the fantasy the hornier I become. For some reason I feel an overwhelming desire to be sexualized back the way I sexualize literally every female I see. 

I’m so sick of this. I’m disgusted by the things I find sexually attractive. The things that pop into mind that turn me on sexually are often unspeakable and all I can do is masturbate to the thought of it...",2.5913082980012163,5.0603651023622085,5.316062992125985,74.3491520290733,79.07874015748031,8.947062386432467,27.092065414900066,9.466822959209583,2.9711712901271965,516,22,96,16,13,184,87,127,0.081,0.8170000000000001,0.102,0.2115,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,10,0,8,4,1,1,1,17,17,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,9,2,14,14,3,14,0,1,1,2,2,6,0,3,5,62,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462630899957002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165384730354254,0.0,0.0,0.2375410970023229,0.18301888355264345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23890754094588584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324271604466797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624316101234747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875188787473107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658099033438733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296492892265625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272458711593693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607871079623586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717143948472267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772747126814256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598903779175387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114004909325724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139245394528935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857817586041498,0.1378158181158008,0.0,0.17075103001261704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339473809032464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072202727113064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Coke_11,2019/10/04,"I feel like I show some bpd I’m 16F so ofc no one can say I am or not but I feel this way. I can become suicidal in like seconds if I feel my bf is gonna leave me or if my mom offends me in some way. I’m very sensitive and emotional but I don’t show it (I try not to anyway). I can’t for the life of me control my urges, I will do what I strongly feel I need to do even if it’s inappropriate. I’m impulsive with my decision especially with buying things or wanting stuff like money. I hurt myself a lot, I hit, I scratch, sort of cut. I feel pretty lonely and not so happy but empty most of the time, it makes me confused on how I feel when I’m sad or mad bc there’s that hint of emptiness that I can’t understand. I can be narcissistic a little bit it shows mainly when I’m offended, in competition or someone is about to leave me (or so I feel). I am pretty anxious some may say i have social anxiety (I’m not diagnosed). I will also get pretty mad or sad right the and there and it confuses everyone bc it’s such a big episode like FOR WHY? I didn’t need to do that but in that moment I felt I did.

Sorry if this is messy, I’m just listing things off as I go, hope you understand.",-0.8270561438069421,1.143236385496181,2.3885717803496678,92.990964048264,89.72519083969465,5.823393252893378,19.138635803989164,7.233258080335977,0.3725753262743163,911,28,219,16,31,326,131,262,0.24600000000000002,0.639,0.114,-0.9895,0,2,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,0,2,14,18,5,2,6,0,21,2,0,3,0,53,47,27,1,8,20,1,9,4,1,4,2,2,0,0,16,6,0,1,11,3,2,1,9,11,0,2,3,11,38,7,20,38,7,16,0,4,0,0,6,9,0,21,8,146,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932254619870382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891800118427217,0.13169724153244505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874858687970733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727035799474054,0.0,0.14682288221372047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074944351490358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832177602196532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311318548304518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699708169369276,0.0,0.0,0.1113929776956289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41260886822310816,0.0832816290605127,0.11193085363481714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090593741889388,0.0,0.06625259768069604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409688963435687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578587050419448,0.0,0.0,0.12479658656965804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24687344790961735,0.0,0.0,0.08234079099012917,0.2278117909387284,0.11683937267917975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910840291883287,0.0,0.0,0.07781511554051647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653192907363693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287865458926593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899464083570648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557978723826254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955492200808172,0.0,0.1854111858490914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883413938991688,0.09877412417114767,0.0,0.0,0.1304968355142032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334511669293124,0.12751478101648242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489529197519075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797616749163547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791471774468467,0.0,0.0,0.242718613347298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618707546698008,0.06875930687813099,0.18506456388202988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519134319727484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deaf_lizard,2019/10/04,"So that’s it now? Was at a work party yesterday. Sat next to the guy who seems to really like me. He thought that I was this happy person who genuinely enjoys life and is always in a good mood. I told him that it’s not at all what it seems and that it’s difficult for me even to get up in the morning. I told him that eventually my relationships fall apart because it’s really hard to deal with a depressed person. After like 10 minutes of talking about mildly sad stuff he asked me: “So that’s it now or can we still have a good time tonight?“

It felt like a punch in the face and I’m still recovering.",1.8476091624910536,3.489192787401578,3.6859556191839684,89.1998282032928,77.81889763779527,7.137866857551898,21.781675017895488,8.00094639256281,0.8726440944881886,472,13,106,8,11,159,79,127,0.078,0.74,0.183,0.9363,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,8,0,5,2,1,0,1,12,15,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,18,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,2,10,7,15,8,1,17,0,2,0,0,16,7,0,3,12,69,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333223520754307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103772959856197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500671671648873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775901614788819,0.14836533516620146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377460969005385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539443969107015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089997557117923,0.0,0.0,0.2889632316329876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056224045815047,0.0,0.18337156254917145,0.15430909613203778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167073284336773,0.25246928545899505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319805591550675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008176206793512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070543253319114,0.0,0.0,0.1849403422588645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136339456848475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751305001541401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971938948344388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845424278018267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675340060365468,0.10044487082450143,0.0,0.0,0.3291992964084306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540568301678345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spikemiku,2019/10/04,"Do I always trust my gut feeling? My bf, he's friends with his exof 7 years ago they haven't seen each other in 3 years and talk to eachother once in awhile mostly about their relationships and how it's going, he used to get advice from her and stuff like that in a previous relationship that was unhealthy . But hes told me it's strickly friendship and shes in a poly relationship and that he talks about relationship shit to her mostly and talks really fondly of me. She wants to meet me veacsue she likes me and the way I treat my bf since they're good friends. They're going to meet up for lunch since they don't see eachother alot. He asked me if that's something I'm comfortable with and I didn't want to upset him so I said it was fine but now I'm starting to have some trust issues. He cancelled the meet up with her, and said that I can meet her with him since shes keen on being friends with me but I don't know, I've been cheated on before and recently too by an ex, my bf and I got together because I brokeup with my ex so he saw how badly cheating affected me. 

Should I trust or not?",3.0622994652406383,4.115762701298706,4.1656888209829415,89.39878533231476,73.5021645021645,7.166895849248791,24.843646549528906,7.510576382923642,0.9623641965877252,868,26,193,10,17,283,121,231,0.09699999999999999,0.733,0.16899999999999998,0.9059999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,8,19,3,1,6,0,15,3,2,4,0,37,34,20,0,4,6,2,1,2,6,1,0,2,0,0,10,18,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,10,6,36,14,27,22,5,17,0,0,3,0,44,8,1,6,8,118,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413460610871906,0.11260657155272134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570114596552084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875816028129504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606676070955412,0.07743778135419432,0.0,0.10809522912395812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423140612209394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944347870562252,0.0,0.06636919397571253,0.0,0.1443908982673635,0.1065487630234752,0.10159942722554596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258883761755366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698136933179141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412324301634176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528537650902592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138021815467557,0.0,0.12542918490045812,0.5455410943312731,0.0,0.0,0.2416738343472864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122838812971167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039694890089085,0.3152475802012424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779575961545364,0.0,0.0,0.08991419745075485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542172339127554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30631153078292833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138491676707995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971522022747636,0.0,0.0,0.14985401979592744,0.1008324184704762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360942118957422
bpd,pitbarks,2019/10/04,"I can’t break my cycle hi, for years now I have this cycle of feeling okay/content for months and not having a breakdown (despite suicidal thoughts) and then having an awful, almost psychotic meltdown that triggers days of suicidal thoughts. Yesterday I had one of those meltdowns, ended up punching through a wall and again saying things I don’t mean to my husband or whoever tries to intervene. I am abusive and toxic. I don’t have friends anymore and I don’t have a drive to create like I used to.

I am bringing everyone down around me. I have a job, an apartment, a husband, cats. But I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve it. 

I tried therapy but my counselor quit without notice. It takes me a lot of time to be able to open up and she betrayed me and passed me off to someone who doesn’t take my insurance. I was diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD in addition to BPD. We’re trying meds but months in they don’t seem to do anything but keep me in a straight line. I still can’t accomplish anything but going to work and sleeping. I can’t eat.

I am a transgender man and I suffered 18 years of intense mental and physical abuse before finally moving out. Now I’m 24 and nothing has changed. I’m just more angry and better at hiding it. 

Please, someone, tell me what the point is. All I do is hurt and cause others pain. I really do try. I just can’t take it anymore. I need help that no one will ever be able to provide me. It’s not just mental anymore, these thoughts I have make my brain feel like it’s going to explode",2.5888985402340485,4.4844252671009786,3.949981903727835,86.99505127277115,76.45928338762215,6.632838701894077,28.308481119556042,7.526774132740827,1.7070705513330924,1195,52,237,16,27,393,170,307,0.151,0.759,0.09,-0.9746,1,0,0,0,1,1,34.0,0,0,1,4,9,8,0,0,11,1,31,5,2,4,2,49,51,21,2,1,13,2,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,15,19,1,1,7,0,0,6,15,3,0,2,5,3,36,5,32,43,4,37,0,2,0,0,11,15,0,4,17,164,51,3,0.1957989772431757,0.2319897707474677,0.0,0.0,0.11765616056923565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803219630268807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29126995900585234,0.0,0.0,0.1611258751170674,0.08715130077011242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330525417892208,0.0,0.0,0.0865841419682381,0.0,0.0,0.12330097878482214,0.1092882066064926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056974246964674,0.10356467795269772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313707113830365,0.0,0.0,0.0993659201828656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017561749401227,0.0,0.0,0.08670988881101595,0.10115634192899577,0.0,0.0,0.08855569230972538,0.0,0.09354715676834326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900184599515607,0.06993941423250513,0.0,0.10724410449575066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563690205885717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111277070956498,0.08211344624601061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561996359039791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480342737479427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715013631801787,0.08701756369665536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565749009265652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323064430723084,0.0,0.0,0.06534866885689766,0.0,0.0,0.10664124332744926,0.10874426199870016,0.0,0.19731931665019092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628487560429752,0.10405166308680157,0.0,0.07259123033299132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393719969622273,0.1114592166691194,0.0,0.0,0.13267845429733546,0.0,0.10417195832053633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074642398418292,0.0925466606586027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443926324822415,0.0,0.0,0.10412815683530828,0.0,0.0,0.06271691927066554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778536027496372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912401759344439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797019046144913,0.0,0.16589983802644567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818265807512492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417230164407255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208246951052408,0.0,0.08556846814989916,0.0,0.11195659726382078,0.0,0.06504007012306515,0.0,0.0,0.23316377545963396,0.05708597910208042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658693059313948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845537252885158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437161347981228,0.0,0.07127199369379801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608812182297288
bpd,augustchill,2019/10/04,"I don’t know what to do I ruin everything in my life. I was dating a guy and I was so into him and all I wanted was for him to show a little more affection and he ended things with me. I started sobbing, had to leave work early, and have spend the past 2 days in bed crying. I repeatedly called and texted him on every form of social media begging him to reconsider until he blocked me. Why do I do this and how can I stop? I push everyone anyway due to my paranoia and intensity. I would stalk his Snapchat location to see where he was and why he wasn’t responding to me immediately. I’m crushed right now and I don’t know how to get myself over this. I don’t know why I act this way.",1.011272015655578,2.8678159589041097,3.5908414872798424,87.89246575342466,81.1917808219178,6.637181996086106,21.38747553816047,7.7094869923839395,0.8175612524461835,534,16,119,9,14,187,87,146,0.14300000000000002,0.8320000000000001,0.025,-0.9244,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,3,1,22,23,13,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,11,0,2,3,1,1,2,4,2,0,0,6,1,25,0,17,16,3,22,0,2,1,0,13,8,1,0,11,83,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734353287952572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122907627811456,0.12463890050897262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117400300350186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283274438348969,0.1846714545849944,0.17369267635870347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097214643765763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913611443665016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31863752033645804,0.0,0.0,0.20463802865766675,0.0,0.0,0.13650765028811007,0.0,0.19370069237595272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449177727953667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504588205338508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400590270271633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970076914135052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136792824621984,0.0,0.0,0.1615768507060079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839561105721453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139917567527125,0.1534034860690018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5231704572366156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069805220483478,0.0,0.0,0.1372887697261412,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thuff001,2019/10/04,"Help Where do I start? I have no clue where to start actually my life. I posted it in my BPD group because I knew that you guys would definitely understand. I don't even know who I am or what I want to be. I'm 31 years old and unfortunately I have to start over my life due to past issues. When I look back at it I didn't really truly have a life anyway. Definitely a lot of unhealthy relationships, pass substance abuse, abusive relationship, horrible friendships, self hate Etc. So now it's finally time to start with a clean slate. You guys have any advice on where to start? I don't have any friends I just have my children right now. I'm not working due to some health issues but I do worry once I start that I won't last at my job long. I've been through so many jobs SMH. So I don't know how to get out there and start a life. What is even normal? I don't know if I want to do the same thing every day at the same time and eat dinner and go to bed and that's it. I feel like that's what I'm scared of just my life being a planned mess. Being so boring with no type of fun or craziness involved. I'd like to have a happy medium again I have to start somewhere. So unfortunately at this age a lot of people don't start over but I have no choice. Any advice would be helpful. I'd like to get out more and meet people but as we all know with us we have issues with that too. It's a Catch-22 LOL. Thank you for listening.",0.7792021857923501,2.6684955377049207,2.612377049180332,94.44107923497269,82.14754098360656,5.640437158469945,18.691256830601088,6.742157984588678,-0.1278874316939893,1109,26,263,12,30,368,148,305,0.158,0.708,0.134,-0.7589,2,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,3,3,0,2,21,11,1,1,10,1,29,8,0,1,1,42,57,20,0,6,9,0,1,3,1,3,6,1,2,4,16,14,2,0,7,0,0,2,11,4,0,0,3,3,33,7,34,47,8,43,0,0,1,0,20,14,0,6,29,167,49,4,0.0,0.19999122985137535,0.08235844977212874,0.0,0.0,0.16494184530750436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721767898672315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489541543778007,0.0,0.05144709824870797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062939728316624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442852271235735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635831174451537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412399540829286,0.1114856974099348,0.0,0.0711073805192483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267321975950495,0.06029261299917105,0.0,0.09245183648964272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520424161876105,0.0,0.08818699047015237,0.0,0.04796426627593388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713087727639295,0.0,0.08984125101213601,0.0,0.08332370698431367,0.0,0.08970914093462225,0.0,0.0,0.11313789551119162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642629025381859,0.1675002753773896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855276262528073,0.06879411113727789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298057416816753,0.123695060087051,0.0,0.0,0.07468792032898931,0.07087149450713975,0.0,0.0,0.14350114544011344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556443054979045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826902895899164,0.0,0.0,0.08855954274694668,0.08987912534630388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056565686071299,0.11701930183338854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082816445321613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054066322739218166,0.0,0.0,0.18121972109708745,0.0,0.0720738349202385,0.0,0.0,0.08449525036478192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804357096373985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53762414449093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770061863982815,0.0,0.0,0.05606903947368756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842412560787096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785934897845754,0.10151815442340464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955804963138097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144138867354657,0.08570836792888842,0.0,0.11990518033578038,0.0,0.0,0.054348341463029005
bpd,lindseymrshughes,2019/10/04,"DBT and me... I finally decided at 33 years old to get some trauma therapy. DBT starts next week. I made the decision after I reflexed and hit my husband. He came up from behind and gave my shoulders a squeeze and I turned around and swung my arm and hit him quite forcefully. I immediately regretted doing it, apologized profusely... But I had become the abuser... 
I had my intake today, she asked about my traumas... I choked back tears and powered through the grueling hour... Only to collapse into a panic attack in the car on the phone with my husband. I want to do this so badly but I'm still not fully on board. But I'd do whatever it takes to not ever hit that man again... He's an absolute God send.",1.839347826086957,4.2895532246376815,3.90234782608696,83.4709130434783,81.97101449275362,7.1582608695652175,24.417391304347824,8.238735603445708,1.8551965217391304,547,21,104,12,15,186,97,138,0.12,0.84,0.04,-0.8261,1,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,1,1,8,0,5,2,2,1,1,23,18,11,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,5,1,18,0,17,10,1,23,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,1,13,70,22,0,0.0,0.2410758271231061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112929591951654,0.19021473388948967,0.23147376123077826,0.0,0.15645402015665266,0.16988694179077599,0.0,0.22471397147021369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23271272266810755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404808713109488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288880334756844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630341982940336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037459424897505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925259566843369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639009405998932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350501252710224,0.0,0.0,0.15474627351717166,0.0,0.23872538152200265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641283109160936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401540997664114,0.0,0.16248948306139455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298230851639028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326829256333379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286348787092011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131431462282602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001045835602354,0.0,0.16320943059242138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102645931729706
bpd,Frozenbloom,2019/10/04,"DAE struggle with a desperate desire to get revenge on those who have wronged them... I fantasize regularly about the harm I wish I could do to ex-roommates, bosses, ex-partners, etc. — people who did me wrong. It’s so hard for me to let things go. But holding in the resentment for these people and fantasizing about elaborate ways to ruin their lives is not healthy. 

DAE struggle with this? How do you cope?",4.796885964912281,6.697991934210532,5.0315789473684225,81.5493859649123,70.44736842105263,8.224561403508767,31.08771929824561,8.841846274778883,2.6211561403508776,321,14,59,6,6,101,60,76,0.33399999999999996,0.607,0.059000000000000004,-0.9733,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,4,7,1,2,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,11,10,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,1,8,0,12,7,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,43,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852555704885196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25877268342901266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122511410878492,0.0,0.13186692552825433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785161715133285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23726446920349964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048850775594813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217181614216472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851323315212465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154149170346577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841731186221928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668208826968493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073726413683614,0.0,0.0
bpd,rydenmsnorlax,2019/10/04,"What is a normal relationship timeline? I (27F) have always had very tumultuous, intense, and long lasting but toxic relationships with other people who struggle with mental illness. I've recently been talking to someone pretty normal but much younger (20M) and from my BPD point of view its going nowhere because we haven't written our vows yet. It's been about two weeks and we have had sex a couple of times and went from just sexual topics, talking a lot, and winking emojis to a few days where he was really distant to all of a sudden talking all the time, casually meeting his sister, him asking me to hang out outside of sex, and goodnight texts every night. Normally by now I am inseperable from a person, but as i think more about it, the way its going seems probably more normal. Are things progressing? Im interested in dating him but he's so young I don't know how to make that clear without seeming overly assertive or emotional. What's a normal relationship timeline??",7.2095954045954045,7.836463346153848,7.5901998001998034,70.11389110889114,63.89010989010989,9.695104895104897,35.226773226773226,9.573946990214177,3.5389824175824183,787,34,126,14,11,258,126,182,0.036000000000000004,0.866,0.098,0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,3,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,9,0,12,3,0,2,3,33,22,14,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,11,0,0,4,1,0,4,3,1,0,1,7,1,12,2,22,15,7,23,0,0,1,2,19,5,0,4,13,90,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974575119671399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094962095357525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139840759623281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751503302615368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959675665915613,0.0,0.07553603569031808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175003517460726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868299496446754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312984989233576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265152665755218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436892230307735,0.0954726341115509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365207678740296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995756186590836,0.0,0.0,0.07818195070019245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803460848087775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610046578892919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991402403769199,0.5737889211797915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119983530010555,0.1022691679399052,0.0,0.0,0.11072113001907916,0.0,0.0,0.11915839026317082,0.12628072737732152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503337369005288,0.0,0.11564696084233952,0.377245751999932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132526850685278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923976405821187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244464298878352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824222897894396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781274882635675,0.07504907025362502,0.0,0.0,0.13659323998181122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441425784429085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664051951756844,0.0,0.09296849660426168,0.09395073475612647,0.0,0.0,0.1085761924532932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129044701542918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HeardAboutUs,2019/10/04,"Seeing my ex at uni is proving very difficult, want to reach out but hesitant to do so Hello all, I wondered if it would be possible to gain some perspective on a situation I'm in.

expwBPD split up with me in Feb. We attend uni together. The uni is very small, the classes are close-knit and everyone talks to everyone in our class. She has distanced herself/broke up with me three times, each time after we had been getting closer. Each time she has 'come back' after a period of silence. 

The third time she did it, in Feb, was the worst. She had an anger outburst in front of her family, then ended things with me. She then said we could be friends, but then disappeared and stopped responding to me completely. I get that exes don't talk, but tbh none of her behaviour was making sense.

I worked on myself as well as I could and tried my best to heal and move forwards over the last few months, knowing that I would be going back to uni and seeing her, and knowing that this would affect me. And it has.

She has come back to uni and is very quiet, she doesn't appear to be speaking to anyone, even people she knows. I don't know if this has something to do with her feeling funny about being around me again, or maybe it isn't. She did this once before, after a break up. Came in, and acted very quiet/withdrawn - I then reached out, and she was responsive. In fact, pretty much everything she's done is something she's done before.

I have debated getting in touch - I have healed more than I thought, but there are days when this is all still difficult. My reasoning for getting in touch with her is that a) she's done all this before, and it's often me that has to make the first move and b) if there is no response, then I will know for definite that there is no going back this time. 

I have read a lot about BPD, and she in particular seems to perform this withdrawn/quiet act whenever she is feeling low/anxious. I have never seen any displays of emotion from her, only this withdrawal behaviour. I am also aware that this behaviour could mean nothing, and maybe she just doesn't want anything to do with me.

That is partly why I'd like to attempt contact, to find out whether it's that she's regretting it or that she wants nothing to do with me - I recognise that the relationship is over, but I also recognise that she didn't end it because she felt nothing - in fact the opposite, as is the case with BPD.

I am also struggling because I do want to move on, but it's increasingly difficult not to see/notice her, and it doesn't help being in that environment with her. 

Can anyone offer any perspective, advice, etc?

Of course - none of this may have anything to do with me. I'm not naive enough to think that all of her behaviour and life is about me, but she has acted this way before, which is why I then think like this. If this was the first time she'd done this, I'd not assume anything about it. But this is very habitual behaviour from her.",5.3498205128205125,5.6666706786324825,5.754679487179493,82.74740384615386,67.85470085470085,8.961538461538463,29.41239316239316,8.841846274778883,2.123931623931623,2317,77,468,36,36,744,237,585,0.07200000000000001,0.8420000000000001,0.087,0.6155,0,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,4,0,0,7,23,12,1,1,16,0,73,3,0,4,8,102,109,45,0,15,19,1,5,2,1,5,3,3,0,0,42,38,0,1,18,1,0,17,15,7,1,4,19,11,70,5,78,75,19,78,0,1,3,0,48,28,0,14,35,361,112,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689501331037308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642341943333435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931056933303408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573291583853864,0.0,0.16900188737624205,0.060940902288318576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055564990917328,0.0,0.08346103599632301,0.0,0.23300615413245696,0.0,0.07184099552939502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724374239691614,0.0,0.0,0.07829613217106117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179386270216807,0.07177545990891676,0.0,0.0,0.16397111361546213,0.0,0.0,0.044148854337346666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802195450423333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770044795004987,0.1212644863534898,0.07073398440259128,0.07634722303396925,0.045214949537214284,0.0,0.0,0.13082646132861095,0.06152439275948411,0.0,0.06453480550866549,0.0,0.06922744433922451,0.0,0.0657290872255246,0.0,0.06256810724149961,0.11645832596700124,0.0,0.0,0.05288941205729741,0.0,0.14306302661533735,0.0,0.07781094542671264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588502700463255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881098305358114,0.05580127919175296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483529327031361,0.0668888898429561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819936727622764,0.0,0.0,0.0913906461128945,0.0,0.13754774484253793,0.07456932406167352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464141813824608,0.21827564857016096,0.0503234898119013,0.0,0.052797962824781504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705790931426834,0.07793831155868097,0.0,0.07290406233974804,0.0,0.05206434158548099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413184456958907,0.0,0.04745919835637332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717454925467378,0.0,0.0696449895301526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847514178522507,0.0,0.0,0.07038480314664007,0.0,0.07349678689656454,0.0,0.0,0.06511791865385025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365318061412956,0.0623203325677393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694810511251288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540249566578054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054669542328060684,0.057232796638744615,0.0,0.0715657190412114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100456704281085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547953413398019,0.0877284713316052,0.0,0.054346906785101776,0.2395056214022169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647754896099215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824193896512304,0.16150994413406158,0.0543376757468588,0.0,0.0,0.0615507195000153,0.0,0.1235428972058347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423828037909269,0.049837232091857836,0.0,0.0,0.14588884863493964,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cavernoussoul,2019/06/13,"Shania Twain saves me so frequently A song correlates with so many of my daily struggles.

Just having an overall shit day? “Up!” 

Boyfriend/girlfriend being insensitive and you’re trying to fight the urge to give in solely for their affection? “That Don’t Impress Me Much”

Someone fuck you over as per usual? “I’m Gonna Getcha Good”

Any others?",2.4800000000000004,5.451796047619048,3.060634920634921,85.58714285714291,88.5238095238095,5.339682539682539,22.87301587301588,6.937597516519254,1.1950825396825395,273,10,46,4,9,85,59,63,0.209,0.6659999999999999,0.125,-0.7312,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,7,3,1,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,5,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,3,9,5,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,3,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210575989992816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964216879318415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005204160528925,0.0,0.3118351450941489,0.0,0.2726518770626446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32956824653885497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238962611912768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33367795056650706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754293255868353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33983197924915665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070004557584605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35801681999335755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lordjarvey,2019/06/13,BPD + NPD + PTSD + Anxiety + Depression + ADHD = ME So...anyone else have this delicious combo?,-1.7385000000000022,-0.2568038499999989,3.4700000000000024,79.09000000000003,112.5,8.0,20.0,8.07648339933343,2.52,73,3,14,3,4,29,16,20,0.273,0.506,0.221,-0.0065,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259504732944551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113447221778386,0.0,0.0,0.2478224908302551,0.3631507215214352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463864026920947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30526609042349795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29607695519038546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143043433358103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beattheodds902,2019/06/13,"Do you guys ever have your entire day ruined by a tiny encounter? This afternoon when I woke up, I brought my dog out for a walk and to grab some breakfast for my partner and I. It was raining (uncommon where I am) and not the most comfortable of walks, I hit up my usual breakfast spot (I'm in a foreign country and can 50% communicate) which is usually a really independent proud moment for me (talking to strangers, bringing food for the family, practicing Spanish etc). I make my usual order that I've been making for 7 months and pass over my pesos, I just get a rude stare back at me asking for more money. Immediately I'm confused, misunderstanding that prices have changed over night. I ask why it cost this amount yesterday but not the day before, rude stares from all employees, line behind me. A bilingual man approaches and asks what's going on, I explain I'm just confused about the price change and he explains to the employees what's up. Embarrassed and feeling not so proud of my slow but progressive effort to fit into the country I'm living, I take my recipe and leave the crowded shop. I drop my bag of breakfast on the sidewalk because my hands are full carrying my dog out of the shop, and I'm flustered. I pick it up, wet, walk home. To me, the day has become a complete write off. The event lasted maybe ten minutes in total and I have let it control the entire wiring of my emotions for the day. Do you guys ever get in similar funks over small encounters? How do you shake the mood and not let it defy the rest of the day? Wishing you all the best today xx",5.302669902912619,6.012880779935276,5.939707119741101,79.99596844660195,68.06148867313917,8.768996763754044,30.98398058252427,8.841846274778883,2.456783689320388,1247,48,238,20,20,406,177,309,0.092,0.8440000000000001,0.064,-0.5984,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,5,0,6,10,12,2,4,24,0,15,5,1,6,5,43,37,17,0,1,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,12,15,4,1,3,2,7,9,4,7,0,1,4,6,33,4,39,30,11,53,0,1,2,0,18,21,0,4,21,161,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340992909608709,0.0,0.0,0.09160029498150198,0.0,0.07261790904231509,0.13156495469101015,0.10136717993673036,0.0,0.125015052032012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520383485673792,0.0,0.12490100936119893,0.0,0.1336095799481305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841310439440391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400035648885042,0.0,0.0,0.13285662301528053,0.0,0.21551199585807004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230108949757656,0.0,0.06023352329917416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404724550669654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447650247869638,0.0,0.06770186938180951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23590630487161104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949277028154512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710332895867886,0.0,0.12613689507516285,0.0,0.24362815829080545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519015821174836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903463328772874,0.0,0.11967775746746108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950849815111586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179138119132352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631496120439793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956768623152972,0.0957487094456991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129172159491257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39360032079016943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749239768018977,0.0,0.13698865334363686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dachixx14,2019/06/13,"I just want to give up I'm just so done with everything lately. I've been thinking about suicide more and more.
My boyfriends mom has been pissing me off with her actions too, she treats me like dirt cause she hates me and hates that I am not mentally ok.

She doesn't see her son is suicidal too AND SHE CLAIMS SHES A MENTAL HEALTH NURSE, she isn't just a care aide that works at a gas station..

She even has neighbors call the cops when I'm over, even though I don't go there anymore cause she's crazy...",2.2116190476190454,3.89458006666667,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,76.90476190476191,5.80952380952381,22.142857142857146,6.42735559955562,0.09099999999999976,397,11,93,3,9,120,72,105,0.222,0.7440000000000001,0.034,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,12,7,3,0,4,1,11,2,1,2,0,13,21,6,2,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,1,17,4,8,18,2,8,0,0,1,0,15,4,1,0,3,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592397067104104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113580259709205,0.0,0.1808617054507564,0.3644583564679005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815323394044388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432985202525144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942737964804554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016938398294015,0.10081525863906704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502733064679145,0.0,0.18855808600475396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001045073698108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666416649504756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575363328955656,0.0,0.0,0.2077579177859167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413574713278095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880734062817388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366483826669285,0.17428552407949768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462966811007812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914258824751385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whitegreyredblack,2019/06/13,"Am I going to be OK I just feel like my life is just a cycle of me moving in and out of crises. So I know it's likely I'll be OK and my mental health will return for a bit but we're approximately 2 years away from me having another crisis. And every time something else happens it just gets worse and worse because I have all these bad life experiences that just build up and I end up hating myself more and more. 

I just want to break the cycle and I don't know if there's a way of doing that without dying. I'm in treatment but acceptance of myself and things that happen in life seems so impossible. I just don't think I can stop and I don't think it's worth dealing with anymore",2.6269115815691184,3.717411479452057,4.376774595267747,87.32345579078456,74.61643835616438,6.678953922789539,21.49190535491905,6.980632752743323,0.4300219178082188,540,12,118,5,11,183,89,146,0.168,0.74,0.09300000000000001,-0.9457,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,0,4,2,12,4,0,0,1,31,25,14,1,2,10,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,7,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,16,5,17,22,4,16,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,7,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255402850292728,0.0,0.0,0.16319790189518046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546082111316275,0.0,0.13739954804584745,0.10031338836560742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965535868798008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965267932755634,0.0,0.0,0.17078583474207645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374675852601879,0.0,0.1457500661155158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864770843256488,0.0,0.0,0.16096987618113026,0.0,0.0,0.08320576693853939,0.11756068873165278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597507075191245,0.0,0.0935224382792084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910372332566332,0.0,0.0,0.16246753778750675,0.0,0.17491808480657647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087419367052945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486977935725215,0.16079002864178202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583635293498405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748997372996748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980795887117593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668524127703756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757834869735275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932541432794694,0.2108849982594532,0.0,0.0,0.09595543648465774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706091925063967,0.13061894823158526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862860733322834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353985212773681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059703359332689
bpd,itsjustso,2019/06/13,"DAE feel like their life/mood changes by just constantly *thinking* of life changes? I easily fall into seemingly endless thought spirals about how I can be a better person, a healthier person, a person worth dating, a more reliable friend. Lately I've been thinking about starting a keto diet, and just through researching, thinking about it, and imagining myself at a weight I'd be more comfortable with, I feel manic and better about myself, even though I haven't done much of anything yet. I see myself running every day, eating healthier, more confidently dating, and I feel like I can take on anything. I feel more creative just imagining myself as a published author, happier just thinking about being with someone I love who loves me too. My life and mood feel greatly altered from just the seemingly never-ending thoughts running through my head and not by any significant action I've taken.

​

To that end, I know the positivity I feel right now will be short lived and replaced with negativity—*this will never be me. I'll always fall back into old habits, never achieving the life I see for myself.* And ultimately those negative spirals are easier to listen to (and are more convincing) than the positive. The depression makes taking action seem impossible. 

​

I don't know if that makes any sense, but thanks for listening regardless. I've been a longtime lurker here, and I've cried several times reading through your posts, relating to almost everything you've shared and put into words better than professionals I've seen and friends I've tried to talk to about my mental health.",9.166294169611307,9.681771183745585,8.40353136042403,66.31681647526504,59.7773851590106,11.173939929328624,38.182199646643106,10.820120047756994,4.481749293286219,1307,58,194,29,16,410,157,283,0.033,0.7979999999999999,0.168,0.9849,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,1,4,19,16,0,0,13,0,16,10,1,3,2,53,47,17,0,2,8,0,7,2,2,2,4,2,0,3,5,18,3,0,19,1,1,7,6,1,0,0,7,12,25,14,33,33,6,29,0,1,3,2,14,7,0,5,16,129,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886472615799343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384247378080526,0.1923091026681151,0.21566838867308208,0.12069850927710893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605820647978915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682389877430523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354617061279079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775967677988065,0.0,0.0,0.09590120030368003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748158772307212,0.05723281481728117,0.0,0.07643544633296875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081636188701668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908077055503978,0.0,0.0,0.15720244603292038,0.0,0.0,0.05861485813567373,0.0,0.07477100862919643,0.0,0.07975777017095873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26923109749569524,0.12679807507794486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712745082535718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784104585024617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910773865336453,0.09433117774778277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975432342058213,0.0,0.1001075809199624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507312576788706,0.08671209034017943,0.0,0.07836295634583698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019062328894074,0.0,0.11847519043288778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943351113781382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523736610142304,0.0,0.20533552281950496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931223494182463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246463611958884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499263139327101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921266213998043,0.0,0.0,0.08876844412394308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578725715119902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414356396624064,0.24236878442733986,0.0,0.1002559442446526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751928663842009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281376334316449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344953188548545,0.07132941014652397,0.0,0.08170394668440681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274553860700105,0.08719095054027051,0.1409063269527509,0.05174758999282168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060251641696518164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806680617237427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566838867308208,0.0
bpd,anna_bunnyy,2019/06/13,"I Can't Stay Single Okay, so, I started dating when I was about 14 and am now 18. I think I've only been truly single for a total of a week throughout that entire time. I'm either talking to someone or I'm in a full on relationship shortly after a breakup. Three days ago, my BF of one year broke up with me for the second time and I think this one's final. I've been doing good and haven't even downloaded Tinder yet. The urge, though, is constant and I am constantly cripplingly lonely but I know if I start talking to people again I'll just be disappointed in myself for being so reliant on others for my sanity. So, how do people with BPD stay single? I can't do hookups because I get crazy attached super fast and also sex is a trigger for me due to some things that have happened in the past. I am also CONSTANTLY bored since having no one except my best friend to talk to. Any thoughts/suggestions/opinions will help. Thank you!",2.8925992063492068,4.684981232804237,4.3131712962962965,85.17864583333333,75.2962962962963,6.4181216931216944,23.98181216931217,7.1686216300943375,1.0233304232804232,739,23,143,8,16,245,123,189,0.091,0.759,0.149,0.9354,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,14,10,0,0,8,1,19,1,0,2,1,20,29,16,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,3,0,18,6,23,23,8,31,0,3,0,1,8,8,0,3,21,108,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374910529721005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327997917288256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493441980243587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510032786404402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650410699191865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582433695710778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525818022301157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003199958111344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220606919239922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292760650692624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785646865947908,0.0,0.07293649260910227,0.0,0.0,0.11709187050869647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344994209803435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357254665079348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672182863271708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837945994252869,0.10617391663207283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326628802822574,0.19356545444607245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498807338582994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548054866036934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182846612807343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762259581516756,0.2975951694009301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366213654667486,0.0,0.12852713460189152,0.0,0.0,0.0927456320114744,0.1789031632355942,0.13715865011322587,0.0,0.1628065652696364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198062533870927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989936915415711
bpd,withoutanymilk-,2019/06/13,"4 Tips for Coping with Borderline Personality Disorder I made a quick little video documenting my subjective experiences with Borderline Personality Disorder and other forms of mental illness.  I was diagnosed around 3 years ago and although I still struggle heavily, I've come a very long ways since then. 

I also include 4 VERY IMPORTANT tips that I use on a regular basis that have drastically helped me cope with my symptoms. Let me know if these tips work for you.

​

Much love. 

 

 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFfJUjlCuBE&feature=youtu.be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFfJUjlCuBE&feature=youtu.be) 

​

\* Not promoting any For-Profit services & this is for educational purposes only. However, feel free to remove if you feel this breaks group rules. \*",11.374212662337664,15.88992572321429,8.609480519480522,51.47188311688314,59.625,10.85844155844156,34.28896103896104,10.637119530657019,5.0177571428571435,659,27,76,19,11,192,84,112,0.11,0.795,0.095,0.2285,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,0,2,4,3,0,1,3,0,4,4,0,2,0,15,11,7,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,3,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,11,3,10,8,2,13,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,2,6,46,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456602403233403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433401401996663,0.0,0.6390578401609777,0.28667301286153724,0.08021807348599072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501101711840988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161365122640673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197287504960322,0.0,0.0,0.27038889990493875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538928182896645,0.0,0.0,0.11929006741935867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906731235231132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482872387113878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062393927802505,0.0,0.0,0.11822871976686272,0.0,0.1043924866891762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646513588048108,0.11161831348420063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887775601424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867155006188455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971526938713681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599939883070767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975792253001408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420445102874783,0.0,0.0,0.12331929238219545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260748369697096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188112644605116,0.0,0.19466168860398397,0.0,0.0936325913100528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587760003244033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28667301286153724,0.07596353584042596
bpd,throwaway6482919101,2019/06/13,"How to emotionally mature? I feel like I have the same emotional maturity as a toddler and I hate it and one day it's gonna ruin my relationship if I can't do anything about it,",0.7965789473684204,2.9020873421052684,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789477,83.47368421052632,8.010526315789475,25.28947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.2165578947368423,141,6,30,4,4,53,32,38,0.19,0.635,0.175,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,3,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636017569966902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658435985641305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7206493279364615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196691270894786,0.2288416117102573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162565105649961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649555007845406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706180737868344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439112271524123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joemontanalivedhere,2019/06/13,"Haiku to pwBPD I don’t mean any disrespect to those struggling with BPD, nor to the subject of this haiku. 

I wrote this some time ago, but never shared. Events of this week have made me want to share.  I would appreciate any feedback, but otherwise I just want to share (and apologies for the one NSFW word) 


The first time you said
""You’re my favorite person!""
my heart nearly burst.

Ravished by your kiss.
Seduced by your words, your touch,
and passion. True bliss.

Enraptured by love,
yet knowing the brightest flame 
burns the fastest. Gone.

I’m not a victim.
It’s not my pity party.
I know who I am.

But still I mourn, that
now I’m just another guy
who you used to fuck.",1.191032779524022,3.7892605954198473,1.6473551863493476,96.97688819039068,88.08396946564886,4.60907049842838,19.919622810956444,6.2272716619740125,-0.009706241580601294,522,16,110,5,17,158,91,131,0.126,0.5820000000000001,0.292,0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,0,1,5,12,2,1,6,0,4,6,1,2,2,24,18,6,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,4,2,16,7,14,13,1,13,0,2,0,5,16,1,1,1,11,65,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869345859971702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28681462253852763,0.22112865728657846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655990890468677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793765215043483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949574456737218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880680048770908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498967426601701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179098124317746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032966284341146,0.1995420923188148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297128324668452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264556158412846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289941955374233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413443894632855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059752085120147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841101318631246,0.0,0.0,0.22046014544649148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593452860290616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213474567254054,0.0,0.0,0.2487678895138732,0.0,0.1691571974368673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149804856384563,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ManUfanHere,2019/06/13,"Lost my FP… I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or just looking for some support but here’s my situation. 

My FP and I have been friends for about four years. We used to work together every day but now only worked together once every other week…and just recently we hooked up.  Obviously everything was amazing because I had her on a pedestal. And I started to get feelings for her and all of my BPD traits came out. All of them rushed out because of course they did… I fell very hard for her. 
Obviously I was worried about abandonment but she was certain it would never happen. I’m fairly certain she also has mild BPD but doesn’t want to really acknowledge it. After hooking up a few times she broke it off via text and slowly but surely my BPD got enraged and I kept doing everything I could to tread water and keep our friendship/relationship together only to ruin everything. She did not want our relationship to continue at all and even started putting parameters on how our friendship should be going forward. 
Fast forward to present day and we don’t talk at all. She’s gone off on me on several occasions about negative things about me telling me I’m manipulative and other things that I don’t feel were fair or true. I’m very sarcastic and I’m very cynical, but that’s just my sense of humor. She started to give me ultimatums of how our friendship can continue or not. And now I’ve been told not to text her at night. So I just don’t text her at all. 
I would share everything with her because she was my best audience. I have a best friend but would never tell everything to him because he’s not on certain wavelengths I am. This girl was my carbon copy at least I thought so. Apparently not. 

I work with her face-to-face every other week and have to see her in a few days. How do I handle myself? Do I talk with her? do I try to be friendly with her? do I try to ignore everything? do I try to ignore her? I don’t know...

I don’t blame myself for having feelings for someone but I do blame myself for allowing my BPD to get out of control. She feed into it there’s no doubt but I wish I could have kept some of it under wraps and played it cool but that’s not how I’m hardwired. 

I’ve been dealing with these emotions for a few months now and although I pretty much know I’m to the fact of this girl I can’t get over her and I miss her very much.

I just don’t know…",1.913849010441698,4.018000965092405,3.570571016645552,87.91869369566167,79.39014373716633,6.690882083096683,24.32474114203329,7.768660622080223,1.274807191227227,1878,68,391,31,47,624,201,487,0.11,0.736,0.154,0.9782,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,7,0,2,7,22,27,2,1,6,1,42,2,0,8,16,103,82,37,0,10,26,0,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,17,28,2,7,7,1,0,8,19,10,0,1,19,8,75,17,64,55,15,51,0,5,3,0,46,23,0,7,24,279,92,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335764600174485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003354257707669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830481774523472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756290514531046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781927195766332,0.0,0.0,0.0858602108420524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419751553789458,0.11987475410467555,0.0,0.0,0.14524203827430016,0.07739399061477571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444377343251475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958310190848551,0.0,0.18974942490248936,0.0,0.4048090643392725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387311484370805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739969502183212,0.0,0.11766310756633125,0.07201409325194379,0.04266407544602999,0.0,0.060040427484533226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663842533713393,0.0,0.06724807634817995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672576606792925,0.0,0.0,0.12376971324187908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607997675730684,0.0,0.08194789671388067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059920248318378284,0.0,0.11037034207814203,0.0,0.115797398784971,0.0,0.0,0.07044821605242134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994722076509518,0.0,0.11418840808420605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637329353750104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546619848802084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809183693471394,0.0,0.07412268047281402,0.1611944152072639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059821161032588464,0.0,0.0,0.0848078603023802,0.0,0.0,0.08438195279458108,0.0,0.0,0.0636066634860604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940503797982036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518867508393295,0.1415053869534717,0.0,0.0,0.12067702711762635,0.13122917595038766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974649529840073,0.0,0.0,0.05959728463964764,0.043773986831011726,0.0,0.0,0.07173271042848442,0.0,0.15290303783438527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648364750068303,0.0,0.2477628221875393,0.08855659578522627,0.0,0.12043343364653156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632692560588734,0.0,0.0,0.16395580994380626,0.07623734416446043,0.0,0.15998296411287993,0.0,0.0,0.048342691769866414
bpd,gangluv,2019/06/13,please help *triggers* i just found out im on indefinite academic probation.  i failed the semester because i just couldnt go to class.   i had to fight just to stay in school and i really dont know whats next for me at this point. im home alone and i really want to make a hundred cut marks all over my body and slit my throat.  i feel like such a failure.  i wanted to go to medical school but im not even sure thats possible anymore. im already seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist but i dont think its helping i just want to die and i cant stop crying.,-0.8660882352941215,1.2731257833333345,2.1096078431372547,92.51029411764708,95.33333333333334,6.15686274509804,19.558823529411768,7.510576382923642,0.8139852941176473,434,15,100,10,17,152,76,120,0.17,0.706,0.124,-0.7332,0,1,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,5,0,5,3,2,2,2,27,16,7,1,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,2,14,2,13,13,1,11,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,1,3,56,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562751530885714,0.14450957291703198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986990125367134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982755715713863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545894072849574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384540395108053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590823923536186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306951203978278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649303056094652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621362536256492,0.09355264289304092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358288843211808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884688691799974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554968361670126,0.0,0.13135624634904494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658055978459089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196818524792198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397687991018193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741195144673652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192107939313116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926969375831758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374675230011064,0.12379263953734693,0.14762950562883734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677833197851789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26506226949613204,0.10435235615014024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395781660970453,0.0,0.10948233005743087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342138034138002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204619063252542,0.0,0.08390920956026289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317179054195317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PetraZbin,2019/06/13,"I thought I was doing okay,apparently not So I just bought plane tickets to Manila and then dye my hair pink. And how y’all are doing ? 

Needles to say, I was doing pretty decent. Then just before my boyfriend (FP) left for boot camp we had canoe accident,and was diagnosed with PTSD.  Oh and he’s American and I’m from Slovakia. It’s like BPD makes me wanna complicate my life. So now I spend my university tuition money on traveling,as usual,to cope with missing him. At this point when I come to my senses I’m not even surprised. It’s like oh well,and i laugh. I hate Manic me but also very much prefer over depressed me. Living in circle of fuck it wanna have fun and then crying over how stupid I am. 

Reading this,I’m suprised I was in denial for so long with BPD,just because I don’t drink,do drugs or have reckless sex , I wasn’t the “perfect example” ,we all cope differently,let’s face it :D",1.5308714408973287,3.7791776120218574,3.3193212539545582,88.41960310612599,81.62295081967213,5.819844693701468,22.199884958297385,7.0608816371341465,0.7619027322404377,705,23,143,9,19,235,118,183,0.14300000000000002,0.735,0.122,-0.5905,2,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,2,1,0,1,11,11,3,0,1,0,14,7,2,3,2,26,23,17,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,11,0,0,2,2,4,1,4,5,0,0,8,3,24,6,18,15,2,15,0,2,1,2,6,8,1,1,8,87,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395538085559728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973352966070596,0.0,0.153176793340712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534371506859642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550642365258527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773452255278706,0.0,0.0,0.15504390972472398,0.1827081997525625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634304434612955,0.20875655171380514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889610395844633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664180193323382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772439618657762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955833602221932,0.1840742737332813,0.12714766625220095,0.1758893569899393,0.0,0.15895372778383224,0.15930478879677962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015928218746548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232939409349753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701693471053907,0.0,0.0,0.18313672800954092,0.0,0.0,0.21042417491443025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006052554730045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431526178840761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429092710503456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825757881444725,0.14852859709250246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185223735277587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angel76543,2019/06/13,"Needing Opinions I was diagnosed with BPD months ago, but I have this feeling something else is wrong. I know that bpd can change your moods from high to low in seconds but mine seems to last longer. Depressed for days to weeks and then happy high on life for days to weeks. It doesn't make any sense to me. Does anyone else have this problem? The amount of research I've done in mental health but I can never find out what is wrong with me.",2.7494318181818187,4.828397806818188,2.3772727272727288,97.61090909090912,76.61363636363637,4.854545454545455,21.227272727272727,5.148860815047168,-0.2763681818181825,349,9,75,1,8,102,63,88,0.193,0.738,0.069,-0.9274,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,1,1,16,14,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,8,1,15,12,1,16,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,2,9,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927141041883878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068423930130626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985723270452713,0.16098108443403122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957572595803751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620497882425975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265008840872265,0.0,0.13532140614075885,0.15946663463183264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374908578845575,0.16078139633808028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262495908711342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944117648250228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435986579308636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672499688864977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700403056635138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319975350954076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634532959190498,0.12806826282650222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097373005693772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487430983481677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833319570810347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540629176787646,0.0,0.0,0.11649747905200247,0.12117541887368327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033615512752987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302999584102435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095345046757873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25205353352736043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435573347601145,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dreamseii,2019/06/13,"Does anyone else not identify with a name? Hi, I'm not sure if I'm asking in the right place, I don't know if this is BPD specific but I just wondered if anyone else feels the same. I don't identify with any name, not my birth name or any username or anything. I feel weird having people call me anything. Do you think I just haven't found the right name or something? I change my usernames every time I can on social medias, and it upsets me when people spell ""my name"" wrong. I say ""my name"" because it just doesn't feel like mine. Nothing does, and I don't want a name to be honest.",2.8751548269581093,3.897284803278687,3.9146994535519153,91.14004553734064,73.91803278688525,6.405828779599272,22.571948998178506,6.42735559955562,0.3564069216757741,454,11,100,3,9,147,70,122,0.131,0.831,0.038,-0.8333,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,10,0,0,0,1,34,21,10,0,4,13,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,4,17,3,5,19,1,8,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,7,4,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424298326345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220288413652504,0.3228032132705558,0.25925710328780066,0.0,0.14726335950214858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960249620539772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983955374583872,0.0,0.1608492707356433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666391471229705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27570003566877505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26318161261088785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272047887151758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894608914490534,0.11253493535033206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727165643582721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657088483769683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695810424981417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114820178022834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841414580493354,0.0,0.16457869921147952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26904869269179155,0.0,0.12526913827295064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057553561950366,0.0,0.12126941064027745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846418687973933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009348018522314,0.0,0.0,0.09185331387401477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291153693261436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082769153905447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222739552465785,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pika-thulu,2019/06/13,"Grieving What makes me feel the most alone in this world is when I see other people grieving. No one gets as upset as I do. Everyone just always has these optimistic sugar-coated bullshit things to say about it. Like ""there in another/better place"" Or ""they're finally at peace."" Just doesn't seem like anybody misses them as much as I do and it doesn't ruin their entire life like it has with me. I just keep thinking about how everyone is going to stay the same shit about me. No one is going to care when I'm not here anymore. I just don't understand why they keep telling me to keep trying to be here. They're just selfish. When I know for a fact that they wouldn't even care and they would just say the exact same things. That I'm in a better place and im at peace. Well the world keeps spinning on without you. So it really doesn't matter if you're ever fucking here or you're not. I didn't make any changes in this world. Good or bad. Even if I did we all end up in the same fucking place. Dead. I just don't understand how I'm supposed to keep going. I don't even have anyone in my life other than my siblings. I don't think they would miss me one fucking bit. I think they would lie and say that they did. But really they would just resolved into me being ""at peace"". Such a crock of shit. And im supposed to keep going cuz it ""would hurt them"" yaaa right! The ""pain"" they would feel isnt right. Its not real. Its not like my actual everyday debilitating pain. This is the only thing i can see in my future. All i can look forward to.",1.2371203271028044,3.285388501557634,2.6586360981308417,93.86823452102806,81.42990654205606,5.507827102803738,18.753991433021806,6.6274283507984215,-0.052790576323987086,1203,28,266,12,32,390,145,321,0.16699999999999998,0.752,0.081,-0.9796,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,1,11,2,27,26,5,1,10,0,31,9,2,5,5,66,66,22,3,9,19,0,2,4,0,7,4,3,0,0,20,8,0,6,10,0,0,5,17,16,1,3,3,8,37,10,33,54,8,35,0,6,3,3,17,22,5,7,13,183,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.07838357138112413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319030845167315,0.0,0.0,0.06683509389782928,0.0,0.0,0.054622331754549884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796587412169137,0.0561636447967786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706627299739992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103908465614693,0.08769181196428268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637891156685114,0.0,0.08497098610929385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114225528769992,0.0,0.0,0.15915756935234304,0.07265666875906669,0.0,0.15350396130150426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122735132427192,0.0,0.0,0.08798981943992726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277170211248606,0.04196540416635525,0.0,0.1825974383823437,0.06737104424293018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598733417331174,0.0,0.1735250480011213,0.0,0.0,0.4283681468797824,0.0,0.0,0.04414336955040271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346889054551255,0.15696686211152952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745101278566414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723232946732014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059046579370815415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328664347680427,0.061089190938608325,0.17093847436044013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568579073310087,0.0,0.25176102865429123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142505410038942,0.1029138231588854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719064892097346,0.0,0.1916280008369084,0.0,0.0,0.1280139162915432,0.07312295862490788,0.0,0.0,0.16490062135417724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856135325069527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020576187065948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600889126744156,0.15440302823563914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054533981922636,0.0,0.0,0.16723795970435051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221994058585618,0.0,0.07247893094091043,0.0,0.0,0.07742841687556172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423545351261632,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DxbMaitha,2019/06/13,"Feel like I'm stuck in a roadblock in therapy ***TW// Mentions of suicide and self-harm.***    

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Hey friends, I just wanna start off by saying how grateful I am to find this subreddit, it's comforting to know people are going through the same thing as me and many others.  

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To give a little background, Therapy has been a complicated situation for me, after bailing out on therapy for more than 2 months, one night I just lost it, I called my close friend, and talked to her about how pressured I felt, school and many other aspects of life, it was to the point where I was hyperventilating and saying ""I can't do it anymore."" over and over. And that feeling of such deep hopelessness was honestly terrifying, that I knew if I didn't take myself to the ER immediately, I would be in a dangerous situation alone. The only person who was at home with me was my father, and I told him to take me to the ER, at first I just said I had a terrible migraine, but he kept on pressing the issue because he had heard me crying and basically shouting on the phone. I eventually told him what was going on, and how I felt like a threat to myself, he didn't push the matter any further (thankfully) and told me to get dressed. Visiting the ER I had told the nurse sitting in the reception that I'm afraid that I might harm myself (I've been told by my previous psychologist if there is any suicidal thoughts, or even self-harm thoughts, that I should take myself to the ER.) I had no idea what else to say as this was my first time taking myself to the ER for such a case. After the registration paper and all that stuff, the nurse took me to check my weight, blood pressure, etc. and ask me what the problem is. After that, I must have waited about an hour or two before they put me in a bed to lay down. Then they just took some blood tests, the ER doctor asked me some questions, whether I consumed any medication and such, and said that she will contact the psychiatrist to come and evaluate me. I told my father that he can leave and call for my brother to come instead, as it was midnight and he looked exhausted. Basically the psychiatrist came and talked to me asking me a lot of questions about the suicidal ideation, my diagnosis, medication I've been on, etc. and at that point everything felt so surreal in just a span of a couple of hours, I kept on bursting into quiet sobs because at that moment my life felt so fucked up. I eventually left at 4 am and was scheduled an appointment with the psychologist at that hospital. Two days later I came back with my father as I am technically still a minor. At first, he was asked to go in alone, and then I was asked to come in and he left, leaving me with the psychiatrist from the ER that night and the psychologist. Of course, she first asked me about the suicidal ideation, how I'm feeling and how I've been coping, etc. she then told me there are two choices, either I voluntarily admit myself into the psychiatric ward (with my father's consent of course). Or start on new medication and lower the dosage on the old medication so I can stop it completely. My father was understandably concerned with the first plan of me spending several weeks at the hospital, so I settled with the new medication plan and another appointment the coming week. This is where I struggle, throughout the week I experience all these strong and conflicting emotions, many thoughts that I wanna share but I just don't know how to, it feels like every time I left, I was unsatisfied like I didn't have time to share all my thoughts at the moment. Today was my third session, I thought I would walk in into the already familiar face of my psychologist, but instead, they put me with a new psychiatrist who also had 2 of her colleagues along in the room, I'm actually not quite sure as to why they were there, but it made feel even more closed up, just sharing quick and brief answers, even though I'm aware that psychiatrists/psychologists are there to assist me, I still have a hard time sharing, maybe it's a defense mechanism, I can never share my minds true thoughts to an extent. She prescribed me with a refill of my medication along with some sleeping pills as I struggle with that. And it's safe to say I left feeling kinda upset and disappointed, as I've been hyping myself up to tell the psychologist everything to my best abilities, I've been scheduled another appointment in two weeks. I really wanna improve, but how can I when I can't even truly open up about my emotions and thoughts.  


(Sorry for the long text; wanted to give a bit of context.)",7.302397959183673,6.988385591836739,7.470127551020411,74.23335459183677,63.829931972789105,10.615306122448981,34.474773242630384,10.125756701596842,3.314284126984128,3660,142,688,72,48,1188,339,882,0.12300000000000001,0.797,0.079,-0.9925,1,2,0,0,0,2,122.0,0,0,4,11,46,37,4,6,58,0,57,18,4,8,7,144,130,67,4,11,20,6,13,4,2,6,12,9,3,1,39,58,1,7,27,0,2,17,9,18,7,11,60,23,104,19,123,63,17,119,0,4,1,1,70,56,2,13,49,496,143,5,0.0,0.0,0.0413496461918628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777068358732612,0.04675933187656112,0.033885435607856784,0.0,0.18364322576488626,0.20594989026490185,0.08644467402141477,0.08886294813816502,0.0,0.0,0.042022335897312135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376765467610704,0.0,0.0,0.032581993411127295,0.0,0.05166001341861084,0.0,0.036056049704535006,0.0,0.04446753804036671,0.0,0.04626001768936557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653453546699877,0.09692616896729024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600132820735626,0.04442697335059394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688459038107242,0.046544425026626216,0.027326888292928748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043370257424949994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03539695655221293,0.09532717625178208,0.0,0.0,0.14177029506016275,0.11194708390234738,0.0,0.035700830142338366,0.0,0.07616370723380092,0.041448634618947655,0.0,0.0,0.12854947200720218,0.06054213556463332,0.1627377608019742,0.0,0.03872788327016877,0.1802109993706912,0.0,0.0,0.06547409108851215,0.039172881517570236,0.022137988662700676,0.08129551630620302,0.07224415148110308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037957619407897526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04250327637893391,0.0,0.08345715505476327,0.0,0.0,0.047833624526303437,0.0,0.04422609358571089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657385930402665,0.0,0.0,0.08973314955086016,0.1841522649417436,0.0,0.059858187055891486,0.08280465023212341,0.042468580525062964,0.0,0.037498509126320106,0.03558239902604994,0.0,0.04625481119546352,0.03602375717666672,0.0,0.04009407649531281,0.0,0.1288778117957988,0.042569075853421116,0.0,0.0,0.2561162451043639,0.0,0.0449507422148378,0.04278435134380143,0.0,0.03382148760240741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03268044106382401,0.12277146298218695,0.0,0.07952782348860507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044463024372499,0.0,0.028712840444558768,0.03222635033017781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0293758973233303,0.03699821022594085,0.0,0.0,0.08011180158044844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04054495460443714,0.0,0.08519254069181044,0.09493425053507436,0.04506858583531512,0.0,0.0,0.0271450388192992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061228838803579,0.13478589786853054,0.0,0.0428834380212307,0.0,0.0,0.08840794159898888,0.04786909394238775,0.0,0.0,0.09525738795823774,0.04240330446929415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743277236277387,0.059983235128908186,0.0,0.06767779135598925,0.03542547737452517,0.0,0.088594299408035,0.0485066078235718,0.18539544064838165,0.0,0.03993577150324329,0.0,0.12743599846419476,0.06811514790238847,0.037035610432532826,0.03901109234735792,0.1453706374999442,0.0,0.028150541334486856,0.0,0.04163096596200989,0.23547435401250336,0.098831456441673,0.0,0.04016436832217858,0.2834225376515945,0.09415526516413496,0.0,0.0,0.1655678969464391,0.04411147860308639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02499251830989822,0.0,0.13595530717259094,0.05159853748018646,0.0,0.0,0.03823477417479372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020070553991769,0.0,0.20594989026490185,0.0
bpd,sarahelliottmoose,2019/06/13,Intrusive thoughts. How do you guys deal with intrusive thoughts that are very persistent? I keep getting intrusive thoughts about bad/violent things happening to me or love ones. They can last a while and are not going away. What methods do you guys uses to get rid of intrusive thoughts?,5.280588235294118,8.27662215686275,4.352705882352943,82.02317647058824,72.52941176470588,9.570196078431367,35.69019607843137,9.888512548439397,4.227694901960786,234,13,40,7,5,69,40,51,0.0,0.912,0.08800000000000001,0.6767,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,11,16,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,5,1,6,12,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405167367088014,0.0,0.17245275697045406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293426866075976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581785664898687,0.0,0.11738177125929818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090152926339416,0.1826431526521909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835827573386672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835813918317807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641093719885746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399572422197876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721638372129585,0.0,0.0,0.6558805983826721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838474639250967,0.0,0.17041760905709574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,insectways,2019/06/13,"i’m not succeeding in school, i’m too scared to work, wtf do i do now. i’m adding a flair just in case but it’s just briefly mentioned. it’s mostly just depressing so. yeah

uhhh this is probs just gonna be venting. 

so things have been getting worse. like so much worse. from the end of last semester (so like mid-May) to now. 

i’m doing summer courses, mainly because i don’t know what else to do. i failed two courses last semester (i give myself some leeway on sociology since my prof fucking died in the middle of the semester. he was one of my favorites and i just stopped going to that class. no excuse for college comp, i just fucking hate writing.)(also i should mention this was my first semester of college lmao)

i saw my case manager today, god bless her soul i feel like she’s the only one that truly listens to me anymore. and she could tell things are bad. i had a med change today so maybe that will help, but I’ve honestly given up on meds working anymore. which is a terrible fucking mindset and i’m sure I’d be way worse w/o them but it’s just disheartening when all these changes are made and you don’t feel any better. 

i honestly think i can’t do anything. i’m retaking sociology online and currently failing, again. 

(also side note: if you don’t know what you want to do for school but are still planning on getting a degree, dude get your gen eds at community college. holy shit it’s so much cheaper for the exact same credits {granted they’re transferable}) 

so yeah, i’m fucking useless and i contribute nothing to society and i only make everyone’s lives harder. right now i don’t think i’d attempt but it’s on my mind constantly for so long. 

i honestly don’t know what i’m actually trying to say in the post but i’m so alone right now and i need to fucking put myself together and stop crying because i have to do a speech in class in an hour hyuk 🙃",1.0818295194508032,3.564470086842108,2.9717391304347838,88.47021739130437,86.28947368421049,5.935926773455378,24.050343249427925,7.34059242885,1.2627700228832954,1483,60,298,25,46,494,201,380,0.184,0.677,0.139,-0.9725,1,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,4,1,9,25,26,7,1,12,2,29,6,1,2,3,46,64,27,1,5,15,0,2,3,0,3,0,3,0,0,17,9,0,2,7,0,1,2,8,15,0,4,7,6,34,11,31,51,7,40,2,5,1,5,17,16,6,3,23,177,51,16,0.0,0.0,0.0900337889222918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555495545233568,0.0,0.14756276960154802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274089584053873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299697669213852,0.0,0.0,0.07592324689251416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703439075891348,0.11248335045655768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159768482690723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520059351940788,0.0,0.0,0.09970176525414584,0.0,0.07366319711301228,0.0,0.10134478343327066,0.0,0.0,0.07946458337595055,0.0,0.09575273657536572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707253648377352,0.0,0.08171618979804535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815969346022592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330024232102624,0.06591154164946207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847747476982765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264707525750148,0.14460827470010493,0.08850551370475555,0.052434263122342534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108900261728038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061840851981493326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085886548328204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211330944956555,0.15041066213284718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522273623922165,0.0,0.08146848061831517,0.08164840975698907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729993972532687,0.061585181351096877,0.0,0.09268894762050403,0.0,0.2049631679796416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315768362784764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564544636034684,0.06841063732065053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852727347169903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503738503346973,0.14033785971953666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836088971431658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274816029634657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575814129086449,0.0,0.07336994506608961,0.0923697271782966,0.18674686545808775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470497117290087,0.07631955923032452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368004980501065,0.15426927416066175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695524999871593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064050456003845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225887101813318,0.11823472196350128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490598313403866,0.0,0.0,0.06263941449722027,0.0,0.09012595305420623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441814683755868,0.07323278163355161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433475336731318,0.0,0.2820666565011681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shestoofargone,2019/06/13,"He didn't leave. Some background: There is some question about whether or not I have BPD. Psychiatrist is hesitant to diagnose it officially because I don't check off all of the boxes and at this age, I may be outgrowing it, which is apparently a thing that can happen when you have BPD. One of the major boxes I fit into is intense fear of abandonment and being alone. I do also dissassociate. I tend to view people as good or bad. Situations are black or white and I don't do well with gray areas. I have never self harmed in the sense that most people think of, but I do have a hair pulling trigger which I guess checks that box. I'm currently a single mom going through a divorce. I'm in my 30's.

I've been dating someone new. I am self employed and found out I was losing a client in the next 3 weeks. I was kind of worried because with the line of work I'm in, I was worried about my ability to replace the income and I panicked. I was stressed out, depressed, and to be blunt, cold and empty, for an entire day of talking to him. I don't mean to put it on him, but I feel like I do unintentionally. We don't live together or anything, but communicate briefly during the day. 

Later that night I apologized for my attitude and he responded by saying he knew I was going through a rough time and was just stressed out and still loved me. What? You mean he doesn't also view me as either good or bad? As black or white? You mean he sees the situation, ie my bad attitude, as temporary instead of permanent and it doesn't make me a villain? What craziness is this? That he could possibly love me even after my ""splitting"" or whatever it's called. I can't help it, sometimes he says or does something and I stop in my tracks and have a hard think. I have to remind myself that normal people don't make major life decisions based on tiny incidents, and that all people make good and bad decisions. People, including myself, say and do things we don't mean and it doesn't permanently place us into a category of good or bad for life. Silence or lack of, doesn't always indicate anything major and people are just people. 

I felt like I stayed with my husband for so long for a lot of reasons, but at one point the thought crossed my mind that I felt like other people wouldn't  understand me and my weird emotions and tendencies. I thought I was crazy. Perhaps unlovable.

I'm amazed that a person out there exists who doesn't think like me... who sees me having a bad day and just calls it a bad day. Who says they still love me afterwards. That's the kind of love I wanted. The kind I give. The kind I need. 

I am so glad I found this community.",3.8049661344944385,5.042190160377358,4.9609433962264164,83.69990082244803,71.9245283018868,8.001935171746494,27.363328495403966,8.463088693708992,1.8151296565070143,2075,73,423,34,39,685,236,530,0.158,0.713,0.129,-0.9273,4,1,1,0,2,0,60.0,3,3,1,2,17,36,1,3,26,0,49,8,1,5,3,94,86,45,0,6,20,2,6,4,0,2,3,4,0,3,31,32,0,2,20,0,2,5,16,17,1,2,16,20,62,19,53,64,12,47,0,3,9,4,41,20,0,17,25,285,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648397656393056,0.0,0.10013018532381464,0.05209226778301573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303694898463638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659071655186235,0.07632669647954722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769728669063052,0.0,0.12785314572157613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998489523060043,0.0,0.0,0.16149985030499067,0.0,0.05392148359371928,0.06354262616885464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054785944435109916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042205340776049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134992680676816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044788498318197,0.03165490380665493,0.04472493229938488,0.1202209876896646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372860192056489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060056296810951315,0.07115958175540693,0.21003998186276832,0.0,0.0,0.0689663234617888,0.0,0.05536128060509792,0.0,0.05608166750086517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196272532841209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26077335669402674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628951888207328,0.0,0.0,0.08843934356364418,0.12234231056326945,0.0,0.05528124800305947,0.0554033407101103,0.0,0.07003883686165943,0.0,0.05322442249087378,0.2260133610763412,0.0,0.12536771243594308,0.0,0.0,0.2727802307458108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321307299382528,0.0733220681848804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642071852902623,0.04828473592687081,0.0604641744570633,0.0665809904677761,0.05875043039484555,0.061339481235891835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484536153403256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472186784999048,0.05466415851112655,0.06540876535130591,0.0,0.059181838708715385,0.07057758541562875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293518686314102,0.07013178323617597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436823413961645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991436245471116,0.0,0.0,0.09977595329791578,0.0,0.1306210679840163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074099592671765,0.0,0.0,0.05304490397607047,0.048196288236964,0.061917818149334086,0.0,0.0,0.06672846256518765,0.09999266158482586,0.052340475355632604,0.1434273362544912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050319423820862776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831837888527635,0.12034402024863002,0.0,0.0994025489683943,0.03650540369264395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517387851449677,0.07530595139088925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03692597490909487,0.0,0.05021785119014106,0.0,0.056289297506232634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045577091655363236,0.12715657067850114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,irresistiblecodfish,2019/06/13,"Do you ever get bored of behaving yourself? The only time there’s any stability in my life is when I expend all of my energy into behaving normally, not being too emotional, not giving into all of my less acceptable instincts (whether that’s drinking or smoking or eating or whatever else) but I’m so bored of it. I need someplace where I can be as intense and uncontrolled as I am naturally, but there’s nowhere like that that’s really compatible with normal life. Does anyone else ever feel like this?",6.5661403508771965,7.397258894736848,7.850263157894738,66.98100877192985,65.31578947368422,11.385964912280702,34.780701754385966,11.20814326018867,4.4022280701754415,405,18,66,12,6,139,67,95,0.158,0.795,0.047,-0.8634,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,0,4,21,11,11,0,3,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,3,10,9,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,6,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426320799994512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665682002943084,0.21490595882278604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354705925189999,0.0,0.0,0.20546778236618907,0.0,0.21461892114830589,0.3504258599511835,0.23593206145755746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794481655416919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605210085398847,0.14984007090569634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958178993825726,0.20120410048357426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962946354333988,0.2049391642099718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555213926165815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110061992349209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951860876630447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343664046035971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230252784132375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lucky_Wanderer,2019/06/13,"When my ex abandoned me, I felt at home Two years ago, I was ""in love"" with a girl I met over the internet. She happened to be the female version of me; She was Mediterranean (as I am), adored literature and enjoyed the melancholic temperament present in certain types of music.   
We met in real life two months into our relationship when she traveled to visit an old friend who was attending college near my town. It was wonderful, pleasant, nostalgic- a bubble and somewhat melancholic. I could not say that I felt absolutely at ease. In fact, once while we were on the phone following the meeting, an intense feeling of dread befell me and I felt as if I was going back in time to my high-school years, when life was depressing.

​

As I said, she was almost a carbon-female copy of me; she suffered from BDP, among other things. Two months down the line though, she began distancing herself from me to the point that I became paranoid she had found someone else. As if to justify my paranoia, she had found someone else, which she admitted during a teary, anxiety-inducing phone call. This of course, destroyed for a whole day. But besides feeling somewhat better about knowing what cause her to distance herself, I felt an enormous sense of pressure lift off my shoulders. I felt at home and ready to interact with life in a way I had never done before. It took me sometime, probably a few months, to realise the fear of abandonment was not only a fear but a desire. It seemed as if I enjoyed being abandoned; that I had to first validated by her admiration for me and then abandoned for precisely the same reason: me.   


Has anyone else felt this way?",7.7281414063996925,7.689035583061893,7.4040812416171695,74.14373059973173,62.87622149837134,9.959685763556235,37.27706457175704,9.478462496947786,3.5534255221306763,1312,59,226,21,17,415,171,307,0.098,0.7759999999999999,0.126,0.8357,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,3,0,0,2,6,22,1,4,21,0,19,5,1,2,4,48,42,21,0,5,7,1,8,0,1,0,3,2,2,1,13,10,0,4,15,1,0,6,3,13,0,4,27,10,44,9,46,12,6,46,0,8,0,1,33,19,0,8,19,172,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155310031288418,0.0,0.09212544633251926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996827576197553,0.11179096265372188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432905283219764,0.09426562485325113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074288612481733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828584906310747,0.0,0.0,0.08136717348975102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394303643673313,0.0,0.0,0.0945100973149234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345510049725974,0.0,0.0,0.05933286285645273,0.0,0.07924009799490808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414869358019658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305644257189421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070528085488944,0.09303667156335044,0.0,0.5300107977750417,0.0,0.0,0.07825577794492128,0.0,0.20174811392714675,0.07107953941852259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05228613769291679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813559458661211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972038274109546,0.18456847638915092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050561197769022966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949485191298998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303425502341835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030232611966946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095663827300851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653929488778464,0.0979777798859756,0.0,0.06997070445811501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697043156549368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919235250324482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471697762300164,0.0,0.09459207798163223,0.0,0.09877435876370867,0.0,0.0,0.08751376666456766,0.07316267687974169,0.0,0.09310965521036924,0.0,0.08375401357317368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590384793061987,0.0,0.09099107907994618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061121200131894114,0.0,0.0903902547383983,0.0,0.053646368259157536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221620140779357,0.0,0.0,0.2696140487434234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605180186066558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271553476700604,0.0,0.0,0.09977087230337214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179096265372188,0.11849091358011253
bpd,actuallyanelf,2019/06/13,"How Long Does a Diagnosis Take? Just to clarify I am not asking for a diagnosis. The problem is I don't have an official one and am not sure how long the process takes!

I started therapy in late March and immediately at my intake session, my doc pulled out a pamphlet for BPD and we went through the symptoms. She directed me to buy the DBT book and start practicing the DBT concepts on my own time. She also wanted me on meds (antidepressants) which I have been on for 2 weeks. 

In therapy we are still discussing my past but we are also discussing my common themes of obsession, inability to balance closeness vs distance, my inability to emotionally connect to others (I can't be emotionally vulnerable), and my over the top emotional overreactions. We have also discussed my impulsive behavior (drug usage on the job, self harm - physically and mentally), my anxiety, and my weird issue of pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows. 

I'm just wondering like it seems like she has a treatment plan in mind, which makes me wonder where that official diagnosis is? How long did it take the people here to get the ""official"" diagnosis?",7.1326641651031935,8.13690946341464,8.058536585365854,65.37362101313323,64.12195121951221,11.966228893058162,38.69606003752345,11.661520659325953,5.095810506566604,900,47,149,29,13,304,123,205,0.10800000000000001,0.843,0.049,-0.912,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,4,0,0,2,11,7,0,1,14,0,15,2,0,4,1,32,29,15,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,15,0,0,3,1,1,3,4,4,0,1,3,0,26,3,23,25,1,29,0,0,0,0,12,14,0,3,14,108,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29954824877408404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551652450505264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672598185917092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572550971578934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926464488804724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479639249866785,0.0,0.0,0.4213475228304117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523349059691527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031998995114746,0.12390294283270582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084599419751978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199925780518313,0.0,0.0,0.3314879250902639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334411755290486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868981134214664,0.0,0.12582815082557364,0.0,0.12607164199082718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460745172874057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919170823810835,0.0865612658410153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947286428044675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366662441680565,0.13025480125724131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675118839259732,0.0,0.09971227814113304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767779876166805,0.1297759435257048,0.2816344949235021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28557349266324683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280608214568504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364486598138349,0.0,0.1001540766323846,0.0,0.0,0.11574521825344808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27080775681123576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,workingclassabject,2019/06/13,"I just gave 20 seconds of middle finger to a teenage girl for driving wrong side of a bike lane with an electronic scooter 😑 After I just had a very successful conversation with a friend I had a previous disagreement with. Then this.

So proud of myself 😕

Diapam, coffee, try to bury my mind into work.

I feel so sorry for that girl.",2.1977802197802205,4.713196030769228,4.0068131868131855,82.8746153846154,81.0,7.406593406593408,23.131868131868128,8.418075326091056,1.7944945054945052,262,9,49,6,7,88,48,65,0.111,0.727,0.162,0.6536,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,6,3,12,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,34,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655449776164445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156131516533203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124777830304049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572925420784108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773508938388036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370628267119619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973995224819105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44664062061905,0.0,0.0
bpd,kamalaophelia,2019/06/13,"I hate my neighbors so fucking much [Venting/cw: child abuse] [on mobile so no flair]

So my neighbors lived in the apartment below me before. She got pregnant with 16, married the next best dude... which imo is a horrible abusive person. The things he‘d yell at a tiny boy for the smallest mistake. The boy is 6 now and articulates himself much too well for his age and his parents still yell at him for small mistakes.

They moved to the neighbor house, now I do hear the yelling and insults less but still sometimes as they do it very loudly and in the open.

The mother was raised in the same house they live now, spent her childhood visiting people and playing with everyone and running around. I am a bunch of years older but played with her a lot and used to be something like a bigger sister.
She doesn‘t allow the same for her son. He is forced to kind of entertain her a lot because she has no meaning in life but being mother and wife to an insane man. If he rather wants to play somewhere else she locks him into the house.

Even she said to her husband that he NEVER says anything nice to the boy. That he only interacts with him when he is annoyed. Which is a lot. Too young to be a father idek why he married her the first fights between them started in the same week as their wedding.

She yells, he yells, little boy cries, is yelled at for crying. („Stop crying or I’ll give you a real reason to cry.“) and I get triggered af but since years I am forced to listen and watch and am unable to do anything because unless they neglect him or his younger sibling or beat them law can‘t do shit. But I know where such treatment can lead...
Oh and the couple got a second child to destroy like it is their hobby and I fucking hope the „father“ will just be run over by a bus.",3.985555555555553,5.309177370370372,4.231695156695157,88.76839743589747,71.5925925925926,6.083760683760684,26.89031339031339,5.8734145424116955,0.8784108262108257,1391,47,276,6,26,433,199,351,0.165,0.763,0.07200000000000001,-0.9896,1,0,1,0,3,0,38.0,0,1,8,4,18,22,8,0,29,0,25,4,1,5,1,53,42,29,0,6,12,8,0,2,3,1,1,11,3,8,7,20,0,1,3,4,1,5,5,11,1,2,5,12,40,11,41,31,11,41,0,1,1,2,66,19,3,8,19,196,47,1,0.0,0.23945765016561155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631260642267728,0.08995674948963399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319941493064662,0.0,0.08598689652505469,0.0,0.10604671403367916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181092922694147,0.44399879536213205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441508332994581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674318456038486,0.0,0.0,0.09655849164058916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595386728466434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868399082673707,0.052794938880202716,0.09693725749015084,0.0,0.0,0.16163931575240184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997668702391576,0.0,0.0,0.11389173941715618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036637174496067,0.0,0.34979760883178435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522899082503136,0.0555349470278228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713752585034979,0.09873675776533276,0.10127957635678647,0.17845964059083574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577296547606103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007408411005958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074011438448795,0.1485681175193593,0.0,0.07793670485745809,0.0,0.1074688077628384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685378387063375,0.0,0.0,0.11220509638517104,0.0,0.0,0.07005598960981378,0.08823377215141942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501807832507525,0.0,0.10389718344805618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612257245415973,0.08035975341192328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372732490779868,0.0835903714352123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779394086856456,0.09994195113402063,0.0,0.07152436657001178,0.0,0.1613988024217679,0.08448310012649085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713374606171414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727555661226345,0.0,0.08337759807255396,0.05960245516145534,0.0,0.08105695871899153,0.0,0.09085691952465468,0.0,0.09118274457596244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014696841263212
bpd,schnazzyxoxo,2019/06/13,"BPD make a friend server!  Hi guys! I have BPD, and a lot of my friends that I know have BPD. I'm currently hosting a BPD discord server where people can come and talk to others. It's a brand new server, and I'd like it to build it with people who would just like to talk about everyday problems. This server is not a safespace to ALL your triggers though. Please be aware that there are channels that you can look in instead, or other bpd discord servers that will help you that are more classified as a safespace. We would be happy to have you!

[https://discord.gg/eMMRRM2](https://discord.gg/eMMRRM2)",5.362292929292927,7.596309754545455,4.623939393939394,83.68035353535353,69.63636363636364,6.343434343434343,25.858585858585855,6.937597516519254,1.0248282828282824,483,15,88,4,9,144,70,110,0.069,0.754,0.177,0.9149,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,4,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,2,1,17,18,6,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,10,13,3,6,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,2,5,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8196828661496707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212446764940892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112824172947347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888248774460648,0.0,0.13856163649979533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724595759500235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153454348615093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718277895371294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930469188111616,0.0,0.0,0.11066048907250474,0.0,0.0,0.08688525381646241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571287397117664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804781854819401,0.0,0.0,0.14288061131431876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454904367542358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209241238862408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278851351158005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849290590341903,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BenDoverrrrrr,2019/06/13,"I got to see my FP today The only relationship I have ever been in ended a few months ago (March 9) after 4 years. I felt so destroyed, but I have moved on. I did some very toxic things in that relationship but she was always so forgiving. Things between us got really sour at the end of last year and I could feel her wanting me to leave, and then one day she had had enough and asked me to move out. I had seen her one time maybe a week or so after I left.  I've never been away from her for more than a week since we had been together, and I really dont like not having her around. Today (June 12) she asked me if we could hang out! I was so elated. I got butterflies and I was shaking I was so excited. I had made food before she texted and when I read those words I could hardly even eat. It was a little bit before I could actually get to her place, but when I did my heart couldn't handle it. I felt a flood of emotions. No bad feelings but all good. It was such a change in pace, and I felt at home again. My current living situation doesnt make me happy and I dont really leave my bed other than to take my dog outside and use the bathroom. I really missed her a lot. Even now just being like 9 hours since I've seen her I'm still so happy I got to be with her. I normally feel so meh and just completely useless, but I can feel the light shining again. We've talked about being together again and she's explained that she wants to but is afraid of things being the way it was before. I want another chance and I feel like I could be better this time around. I'm not on medication and I don't have a therapist, but I've become better at trying to Express what I feel instead of becoming aggressive and expressing toxic behavior. Maybe one day we can be together again. 

Tl;dr I got to see my FP and I'm in a really good mood",1.2880232558139542,3.0975050310077528,3.3906136950904404,89.90049418604653,80.08527131782947,6.7806201550387595,19.277131782945734,7.793537801064563,0.5413922480620155,1425,33,318,24,36,485,182,387,0.113,0.795,0.092,-0.4822,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,4,0,0,2,25,19,2,2,14,0,40,4,1,3,3,66,73,34,0,11,13,0,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,13,23,2,0,11,1,0,4,9,7,0,3,28,17,59,11,36,33,7,54,0,2,5,0,27,17,0,4,35,222,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.07176415443160128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518852096261303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061190934725505824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711280410773641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093187685154786,0.13749941436329016,0.0,0.06909298381427527,0.0,0.061402590973245276,0.0,0.16243767685396293,0.1877306451801473,0.0,0.0,0.1300798050437138,0.08028632308156346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779526834396404,0.0,0.07710499291014675,0.0,0.0,0.2935773955990219,0.0,0.0,0.0948540658601707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723759985464501,0.0,0.0,0.07524948851797189,0.0,0.08272228214866344,0.1302687209863053,0.07598618487139337,0.0,0.09714457748995747,0.06652088320853165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310333970985946,0.05253678769244571,0.2118289793313417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892451630555334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038421466288331436,0.0,0.0,0.12336324916249425,0.2940821437042463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656878996149018,0.0658771407234038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714491735434028,0.0,0.0,0.07376633105284212,0.0,0.07242180665805488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059944683627484764,0.0,0.15573588156285495,0.07990111643814454,0.0,0.0,0.1077833715796504,0.07370611485162536,0.06493691639976205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252083660492262,0.0,0.06958505724695392,0.04908833137071299,0.0,0.14776105794862365,0.0,0.0,0.07408352694171465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869869957637744,0.15632215947546638,0.0,0.0,0.05671836243809599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205330756641813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949724403485262,0.055930267725407545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768333509256943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355961673489965,0.0,0.23555712530659506,0.0,0.0,0.15790826669085992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720326461614508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166562576820927,0.08266172180127622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058728912067652475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529271418366747,0.059108437959988186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853852781672758,0.14656955851236605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576319939801612,0.0,0.13941410369251275,0.0,0.0,0.04992863978393117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845922345320573,0.06351470287298433,0.0,0.06067796727288077,0.1301268892583014,0.058372403444466224,0.11797824840457315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471433181769567
bpd,Magic_Medic,2019/06/13,"Had my first DBT interview today. It's not looking to bad. Finally had the interview. Maybe i can start therapy right away. I do hope so, my life is just a a mess.",-1.2804901960784325,0.5950105588235317,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,105.17647058823529,6.972549019607843,20.37254901960784,7.793537801064563,1.5633490196078432,125,5,28,4,6,44,29,34,0.073,0.759,0.168,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,4,1,2,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,19,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29505049816628703,0.0,0.2622099098231978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34401498084733656,0.0,0.2671218838732466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119121354859604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181542396750314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637141321495237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154949413858681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681880628997309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222788123976709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591315983711939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976727771408215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tehllamaqueen,2019/06/13,"I don’t feel like BPD is taken seriously enough by mental health professionals. After my diagnosis, I’ve just been left to my own devices. There’s 0 support unless I want counselling and even then it’s a 6-12 month waiting list. All I was given is a bit of scrap paper with EUPD/BPD and a name of a book that “might explain it a bit better” I was told self harm and suicide attempts are “normal” but I was given nothing to prevent them happening. 

I’ve never felt so scared and alone and I’ve turned to this sub for any kind of advice, I was told that if my diagnosis had been bipolar, there would have been far more help. I’ve never felt more hopeless about this shitty disorder.",3.8818248175182495,5.086839700729931,5.08438686131387,83.01125182481755,71.70072992700729,7.231824817518247,26.10875912408759,7.554174236665415,1.3424283211678838,537,17,106,6,10,178,92,137,0.171,0.728,0.102,-0.893,0,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,1,5,0,15,2,0,0,3,24,29,10,1,4,4,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,15,3,10,4,12,12,7,7,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,6,68,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761650841374654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645517258610034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272766745032368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360248876457342,0.329842209522034,0.0,0.3805158140575686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313069103151846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608792474944952,0.0,0.09977534420719432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638172947473411,0.10791906683820723,0.29008734365405936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335840533391367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160572353642307,0.0,0.0,0.10125399696787284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730832817310592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641298279562567,0.0,0.0,0.07380149791193627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522354508950439,0.16025342047378718,0.0,0.0,0.12057663136891394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330173966000089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800915809118426,0.14494852500350386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123989686353992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759111351901298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523783613044046,0.17142391362972853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886933490819853,0.0,0.0,0.16431260099187986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910056537604596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731045253489248,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,give-me-brie,2019/06/13,"I can’t trust I’m up visiting my boyfriend who I love and who loves me dearly, but I noticed him messaging an old school female friend on snapchat which instantly means to me that he is cheating(???) I know it’s irrational but I feel sick and I’m convinced he’s in love with her or why else would he message her?? I want to ask him but I feel bad for not trusting him even though it’s only my problem and not his. Ugh",-0.4693071161048685,1.747331573033712,1.3564325842696654,98.54753277153559,92.82022471910112,4.764419475655432,20.8998127340824,6.42735559955562,0.1911340823970038,326,12,76,4,12,106,61,89,0.172,0.57,0.258,0.8085,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,12,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,17,14,8,0,3,6,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,17,8,7,13,0,5,0,0,0,3,19,3,0,1,1,45,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551613421559733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355311818712744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836440096276203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519900406989536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223104542909285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698440457230031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081561664500487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5952292567795355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23946486059900984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502837077788965,0.2306799474099375,0.0,0.0,0.1671944925990607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103524923885917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248484818800066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159868604143175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966443220482146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836697616385135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616454103129687,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,q_e_d1938,2019/06/13,"DAE get feelings from dreams they can't shake off? Ok, a bit of context. I'm currently on two antidepressants which work well enough for me, as in I'm somewhat functional. However, they give me vivid dreams as a (known) side effect. When I wake up I'm confused for a while what was real and what is even worse, they sometimes seem to give me feelings I can't shake off. Same happens if I start feeling something triggered by an event or thought but I still feel that way long after.",4.245293233082705,5.6003777999999995,4.235488721804515,88.86842105263159,71.0,7.112781954887217,29.360902255639097,7.447530270364453,1.5719323308270674,381,15,78,4,7,117,71,95,0.057999999999999996,0.8390000000000001,0.102,0.2201,2,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,2,4,5,0,3,4,1,4,1,1,2,0,17,18,8,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,8,2,0,2,2,3,1,1,2,5,10,2,14,16,4,17,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,5,8,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341970137239026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216534136589353,0.0,0.1416864608714576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.433864979790702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120762830112358,0.41156852286358653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896966820498481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984080195242825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441673192769519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528822772626805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514567339737976,0.21216280646537206,0.0,0.15183624263851472,0.0,0.17131355998860412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703025428648193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955194663877505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027361630065846,0.0,0.0,0.19287655298323886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617093697988044,0.0,0.2186111582315629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KayakingSheep,2019/06/13,"I am emotionally flat lined from my SSRI's I know we complain about how rapidly our moods change and it's like experiencing four seasons in one day (or hour), but damn I would give anything to have the ability to feel SOMETHING again. 

It has been happening for just over a month now and I have started to drop the dosage but it is such a slow process and I am struggling to do what I want to do because there is no emotional pay off. I had all this motivation to start all of these new habits such as become a morning person and go for big walks, and do squats, but to create a habit you need to have a reward and there is nothing that sparks any joy or positive emotion.

So I feel stuck on the biggest plateau in existence, walking like a zombie with no end in sight. How do y'all cope with such nothingness? 
For the record it is not the same as numbness from a low where you feel a giant void of emptiness in your chest, this is just simply... nothing...",4.9684375,5.318158968749998,5.277083333333334,85.72625000000002,68.6875,8.275,30.0625,8.07648339933343,1.82316875,750,27,159,9,12,238,122,192,0.14300000000000002,0.705,0.152,0.5869,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,4,0,2,14,10,1,1,13,0,18,2,1,3,2,30,30,16,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,5,0,1,3,4,5,0,2,3,5,15,4,27,26,3,27,0,1,1,0,9,12,1,2,13,115,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156808834870383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998633841717806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369770134832217,0.18787353642341892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995421338030304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097071143987824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.574053802884319,0.15066729450369962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25803873972446617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318536548891566,0.09667764225746403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042803651240005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752444623120613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348820941281127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621466627280462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357804726890346,0.0,0.0,0.1261346823175398,0.0,0.1642936533170024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264509717531906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152711877619929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853381176435715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309592720296387,0.0,0.0,0.24080998786821334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778362914220337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033550237943356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084152463242888,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rudelilcookie,2019/06/13,"It's starting to get worse So last January I moved to finland with my boyfriend. I thought that since I finally moved in with my bf, my mood swings wouldn't be as bad.... Well I was wrong.

I'm doing a language course now and I call in sick at least once a week. My teachers try to be supportive but I'm so ashamed and I'm afraid that secretly every thinks that I'm being a pussy.

Next week I'm going to start therapy again. I feel like such a loser, knowing that I need at least one day off every week because of my mental problems.

Some words of support would really help me. I feel so alone with my feelings.",1.1449303452453066,3.2547415669291366,2.6215748031496062,93.66726226529377,82.14960629921259,5.797456087219867,23.155057540884318,7.010146845296331,0.7051870381586922,477,17,105,6,13,155,81,127,0.175,0.72,0.105,-0.8853,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,2,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,19,25,7,0,4,1,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,3,1,6,1,1,2,3,15,4,15,18,3,19,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,12,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827014413524518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275940538203246,0.09315454130714856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604109300814453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855296488801872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575062789275894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318034066904248,0.10917099116058028,0.0,0.16740124738546272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983947517109223,0.0,0.08684822616173042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242860257979504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398306955931373,0.12456453494511835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465763847143568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400147120347246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324836097520916,0.0,0.11331030795701855,0.0,0.0,0.16252037394185687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274287529779033,0.10355132738988516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462232159287374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789713446205124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264100598712235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632633771400744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468250626673795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475714980433335,0.0,0.0,0.0979176139969441,0.0,0.121317956639109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375128232849898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677366721329364,0.0,0.13739894248141124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573143283135846,0.1085553165752265,0.16707909784547365,0.0,0.0
bpd,verde_y_socio,2019/06/13,"I’m still in love with a guy I met three years ago and he doesn’t want anything to do with me Yup. That’s it. I never got over him. I saw him 2 months ago after being apart for a year and a half, and i felt totally detached. I told him about my BPD and i think i scared him away. I’ve never been able to get over him. I keep searching for someone just like him. I think about him all the time. He’s just perfect. I’m obsessed. ☹️ 

The most unhealthy part is i am so obsessed with his features that i search for men who look like him.... i go after men from the same city as him and have the same ethnicity.... that’s how obsessed i am",-0.8055000000000021,1.1032785214285743,1.3082142857142856,101.26803571428572,88.78571428571428,4.071428571428572,17.32142857142857,5.148860815047168,-0.8967857142857145,483,12,123,2,16,160,84,140,0.102,0.79,0.10800000000000001,0.4047,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,4,7,1,8,1,0,1,5,24,23,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,6,3,25,4,18,16,6,17,0,0,2,1,19,5,0,1,13,83,30,0,0.19943857826101485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535805323863245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412095664064436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737910939275806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251185907641339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149231127615104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419842561762352,0.0,0.11334554008957436,0.0,0.1595092500961859,0.0,0.0,0.1974755481670119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727017200753148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487123061324846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747817584979108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000110348253534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918997041291758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076386531064905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597254510910635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996728091805579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898366015790908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592719062245605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555843759456459,0.0,0.0,0.11629423882655893,0.0,0.0,0.19057210828090693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176340407337318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568638110989092
bpd,faggotpop13,2019/06/13,"dating I’m a 17f. I just broke up with most likely the only person I’ve ever loved. I’m currently feeling very very self destructive right now. A very old ex of mine (dated about a year ago) made plans with me tomorrow, and I will be home alone with him. He’s a very close friend of mine, but I’m maybe being a little paranoid. I’m worried that I won’t be able to control myself and make out with him or something which is NOT what I need right now. 

I’m usually able to control myself but Jesus Christ this is probably the most self destructive I’ve been in a while and my meds aren’t working right yet (just changed them) and I’m zoinked my dudes. 

Advice??",2.0525669099756705,3.7965361970802927,3.3325729927007286,91.50401763990268,77.54014598540147,6.318491484184915,22.36557177615572,7.1686216300943375,0.6281002433090022,517,15,112,6,12,168,86,137,0.133,0.8220000000000001,0.046,-0.9075,2,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,7,6,2,0,8,0,9,1,0,4,1,25,20,8,0,1,6,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,10,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,14,3,12,13,2,21,2,1,0,1,10,8,0,3,14,64,18,1,0.2799774379866057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679535603170698,0.12409155295158625,0.0,0.0,0.14498609448836347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808950285318628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140185036667483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662781083485575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078250251338937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815493703719403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042009913275807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683914169968029,0.14030547278732958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634528441595225,0.13246071069708498,0.09344355695824752,0.0,0.14063748399146878,0.0,0.1554959086038915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379986134291644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689461194626968,0.0,0.0,0.10646772892767904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222327498083466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093151597946286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35864880340474514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920775286303819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777015511106183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541777965138726,0.4620214158965624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019134546847209,0.14216533935182551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901481453212478
bpd,pretzelduck,2019/06/13,Haha messed everything up again Lost my mind at work causing the worst fight with my fp we've had probably putting the final nail in out friendship and now gonna lose some hours from work too so affording treatments probably not happening now. Love my fucking mental issues,12.265,9.475034300000004,10.208000000000002,66.40400000000002,56.0,14.0,45.0,12.161744961471696,5.414199999999999,225,10,37,5,2,68,44,50,0.276,0.631,0.09300000000000001,-0.8902,1,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,7,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,3,2,6,3,2,10,0,2,0,2,2,4,1,1,5,21,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067551948475346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018117733768848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459844174673202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759358950518672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856952441078093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113729851527994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343726874708478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512148991839491,0.24512371610048864,0.0,0.20266585747692445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262943841503666,0.0,0.2267322884104672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842074676181245,0.0,0.0,0.22573556802742675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269513029725207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lacefilms,2019/06/13,"Has bpd made you stop trusting yourself? I’m at a point where I don’t know who I am, i don’t know if what i think i feel is true and I don’t know how to feel about myself. I just don’t know anything at all anymore.",-1.0917647058823547,0.3215296274509818,1.344862745098041,103.58788235294121,86.05882352941177,4.08,18.04313725490196,3.1291,-1.1017168627450986,165,4,46,0,5,56,33,51,0.052000000000000005,0.82,0.129,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,2,15,16,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,9,2,4,15,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862805140286248,0.0,0.0,0.237548691131408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635665110184831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919178427258257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6345762603219028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273144093099197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728840180642709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133888932949984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496642726883247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,off0noff,2019/06/13,"I just realised how easily I get attached to people and I honestly need to stop I was at work yesterday and it hit me how fast I got attached to one of my superiors. He's not a manager or anything but he has been in training for about a month, and we're pretty close so we talk often when we have nothing to do, occasionally after closing we'll text each other about work or [mostly] about something dumb when we're home. I never really noticed how much I was attached to him until (again) yesterday when he was talking to another one of my coworkers, and I ended up ""almost"" splitting on him for not talking to me. 

In that moment it felt like I did something wrong for him to talk to someone else instead of me. That's when it hit me that I'm really just fucked in the head and it wasn't that deep, but I was blowing it out of proportion for no reason other than my possible insecurities and defence mechanism. It might not seem that bad, and I'm not proud to admit this, but prior to this I had a sort of pride that he would choose to talk to me rather than [the other coworker] and I genuinely loved it :/ Which is like, not a thing I should be feeling????? 

And I don't know how to handle this lol. My first instinct was to avoid him and just not talk to him unless I absolutely needed to (e.g promotion inquiries, stuff I don't know or whatever) but I honestly don't want to do that either. I would consider him somewhat of a really good friend at this point so I don't really want to lose another friend just because of this stupid disorder, but I just don't like how the bpd is affecting all of this. 

And I know exactly why I am attached to him too, but that's another thing so.",5.257215743440232,5.084845763848398,6.6139518950437335,78.18984912536443,68.03790087463557,10.241924198250727,31.14416909620991,10.008157457239328,2.8694770845481044,1319,48,270,29,20,451,157,343,0.133,0.721,0.147,0.7431,0,1,2,0,2,0,37.0,3,0,0,7,25,21,4,2,8,1,27,3,1,7,3,74,46,34,0,8,23,0,2,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,28,17,0,3,9,0,0,0,14,9,0,3,11,2,41,12,48,27,6,29,0,1,0,2,24,12,2,10,20,210,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455687213816907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284657389247767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592492139393121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718244070831033,0.06365061718045867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315074553008076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966901648182618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722561152284035,0.0,0.09248099195426937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279552914022801,0.0,0.10025509313824384,0.0,0.0,0.08881562797673923,0.0,0.0,0.1613420528308269,0.0965302918187812,0.05455270133581728,0.0,0.0,0.08757862644900401,0.08351047944553266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716025435723887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473709140525048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721518071524066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303617083811805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681404799277978,0.0,0.0,0.09423891368987697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076816653181046,0.0,0.0,0.0833433217452057,0.0,0.07675728313133233,0.15484529112953954,0.08053154096520712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018932705872977,0.11887754743258823,0.0,0.0,0.14150906237603111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238844402569021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870623866692577,0.11771259802957892,0.0,0.10622793053553987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26756454129970525,0.10735635154603412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505579659957268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847077188149463,0.16076804754216384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729589288060763,0.0,0.0,0.11953057388051427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035505316105865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873781374269598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317373612960343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421859627718716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203121041307313,0.0,0.0,0.14834731192440553,0.1141617740433504,0.0,0.0
bpd,pumpkinspicecxnt,2019/06/13,"Ideas on distracting yourself when you and your FP are not speaking? My FP is my bf of 7 years, and he said something rude to me yesterday around noon and I blocked him until 10pm  (when he gets really angry, he says hurtful things) I said ""goodnight"" to him at 10pm and he said ""night"".

He hasn't spoken to me today and I would like an apology or him to say something first. I always message or call him and try to fix things even when I am not in the wrong. I'm trying to choose my battles but this was a pretty terrible thing for him to say. 

I feel like he's not going to ever talk to me again and I really want to say something to him, but I know I shouldn't. 

What do you do to distract yourself when your fighting with your FP?",1.3351981566820292,3.0356708193548414,3.0401152073732725,92.98588709677419,79.51612903225806,5.976958525345622,22.03917050691244,6.868970318607317,0.4473041474654376,567,17,128,6,14,188,89,155,0.138,0.773,0.08800000000000001,-0.787,0,0,3,0,2,0,16.0,0,5,0,1,8,10,3,2,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,25,18,16,0,3,7,0,1,2,1,2,0,8,0,0,5,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,4,9,26,2,20,12,0,18,0,1,0,0,31,4,0,2,15,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199435269742068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051728687930209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970899153019862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683697350035718,0.13262049557322655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413229763153198,0.10474086457565143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470954784855508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659961284391083,0.0,0.08332395078891583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569530101758512,0.165509034061853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057506139539239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325610709483325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758703607545508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149158852870403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784899530593485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41838964065798334,0.4663724311569336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386111933374355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784254743339845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922109050314889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389726551257433,0.0,0.0,0.1990821718552533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647656549567548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415017388317294,0.16029907739056712,0.0,0.0944144230930686
bpd,Lazlo1235,2019/06/13,"Beyond Saving. Recently my mental health has become a hindrance. People talk about how there's support systems to help us, that there's no shame in asking for help. In going to the hospital. But suddenly what happens when the country you're staying in has a budget cut in mental health services. What happens when citizens get prioritised and you're just second class. When you end up becoming one of the people that falls through the cracks. That person society literally can't put up with to the point where your family asks you to keep your diagnosis on the down low. To act as if you're cured because to do the opposite and to show everyone you're not is to court destruction on your loved ones. To have them suffer too. I self destruct and destroy the relationships I have with people. I'm beyond saving.",5.137741228070175,7.1235074671052665,5.652631578947371,77.09675438596494,69.72368421052633,8.750877192982456,29.114035087719287,9.2995712137729,2.770366666666667,653,25,111,14,12,210,99,152,0.159,0.768,0.073,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,5,1,0,12,11,4,1,10,0,7,3,0,1,0,13,17,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,0,1,1,4,3,7,0,3,0,0,10,4,27,17,0,26,0,2,0,1,17,14,0,1,6,78,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28315660068429394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231794632406776,0.3345127003922852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413311024188973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470980488709162,0.0,0.0,0.14276651709057647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791224590874672,0.0,0.08606826643806215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26784021670334457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219526052779342,0.0,0.0,0.20301743967226527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460905814033622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668277482675345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052368537892985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524272353497794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149734968523504,0.13223375526629236,0.0,0.0,0.14316211918682625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224154773378692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495312050089473,0.1625925762054384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798756266324335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141756186267744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185516170166334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172375018476585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216668869587135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,capicorncolumbine666,2019/06/13,"How do you deal with ""fear of abandonment""??? Ok, let me say this before i start, i haven't been diagnosed with bpd. nor am i diagnosing myself. but, i have been to a mental hospital and they have told i have very bad abandonment issues. it's been ruining my relationships for over a fucking year now. i can't do anything without losing my mind. i'm so afraid of people abandoning me, i don't post anything, i stopped socializing. every time i make a post on social media and it doesn't get liked by my friends, i feel like my friends left. it makes me start panicking and start either making suicidal posts or say something very fucked up so i can make sure people still give a shit about me. this has happened so many times that no friend of mine flinches or reacts when i make suicidal posts bc they are so used to it, this makes things worse as well. i honestly hate it when someone leaves me on read after i text them. i either get upset with, start fucking with them and other times i just start apologizing bc i felt like i did something wrong for them not to respond to me. close friends have left me or don't really talk bc they're afraid of ""walking on eggshells"", no one is talking to me, i'm afraid to be social, i'm completely isolated. i'm paranoid people are against me. i'm fucked up to the point to where if i feel like i'm being neglected, regardless if i'm overreacting or not, i fuck them over before they can fuck me over. ending relationships and friendships is always explosive and when i cut someone off or vice versa, i say something insanely fucked up to hurt them bc i want to feel what i'm feeling, only to apologize and regret and try to be their friend again later. now suddenly people think i'm abusing them when what really happened is that i reacted to how i felt about them at that given time. i feel like i'm evil, and this is one of the reasons i'm not going anywhere in the world. i feel like this issue is the reason i didn't graduate school and why everyone i know is starting to turn on me.

How the fuck do you people deal with ""abandonment issues"" or ""fear of abandonment""?? it's actually destroying my life and has been for over a year and a half. i don't have a therapist. i can't just talk to people. i don't know what to do.",3.926590909090909,5.087427679824562,5.040757575757578,83.53454545454547,71.54385964912281,8.509728867623608,27.19537480063796,8.927757054556999,2.002921929824561,1786,61,364,34,33,589,193,456,0.243,0.623,0.134,-0.9972,0,0,3,0,0,0,51.0,0,2,11,1,21,46,13,6,12,1,40,12,1,14,1,72,94,34,2,5,17,0,8,6,5,0,3,3,0,0,19,18,0,7,13,1,0,2,16,31,1,3,10,11,63,15,51,80,2,51,0,10,0,8,36,20,9,8,31,236,82,3,0.0,0.06876194422499236,0.05663375472911025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048289740418975435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551566349072578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048456772109327,0.0,0.0,0.0987669624060332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309300749573204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084855721424265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196630023436323,0.0,0.11780853680685535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514017537839517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889696150059687,0.05545489661364002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061094184165511,0.17606533401597013,0.1658407639298604,0.11144533604543058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241883520969477,0.4292191238792557,0.06064174838651655,0.05567242715571191,0.032982608336470175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264025673898086,0.0,0.0,0.057297513461294226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212763092540195,0.0,0.0,0.18172027821989384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378899863794718,0.0,0.0,0.061450648926399475,0.12611031974891726,0.05934468426066985,0.040991812463436236,0.17011771624053315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492628167743597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232432740907713,0.058838346116280575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058485595301456375,0.0,0.058598771293132824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865198922225465,0.04413820645393653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140482695850599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486180100021154,0.0,0.22232581858998293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805067063254055,0.0,0.07435736999882228,0.11933922058364894,0.0,0.12461566803511412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845520186696506,0.0,0.05873448347215397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957205814877749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747801657780765,0.09834567595419932,0.13403445542909942,0.0,0.0,0.2464646839095068,0.0,0.04634679845238022,0.04851982983074032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696166570394968,0.0,0.05469726821211721,0.0,0.0,0.13993892094293464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738306804424576,0.038555852353163424,0.037186462573094985,0.0,0.0,0.13536262046033962,0.0,0.0,0.05545489661364002,0.0,0.03940193209098974,0.06312537735488534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050123576772987635,0.0,0.0957698489785336,0.03423052631352655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052180403745615035,0.0,0.05236752964440869,0.0,0.0,0.055943635804400836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591425879578571,0.0,0.06345212434374763,0.0,0.07474523012191857
bpd,stitchitch,2019/06/13,"Didn't know my psychiatrist has already diagnosed me with BPD I posted this in r/mentalhealth, but maybe it's better suited here:

I didn't realize it until I asked my psychiatrist to write a letter for my study abroad program (to get through customs with my medication). Now, he is not a shitty psychiatrist or shitty professional.

A while back, we did talk about the ways where I DO share similarities with BPD, but we didn't talk about an official ""diagnosis"". He did say that my therapist would know me better (she doesn't think I have BPD), but that was his professional opinion. I have no idea what this means to me, or if it should mean anything. Why would someone diagnose someone if they think that a therapist would give a better answer? (I can't understand why he would diagnose it, since he isn't reporting it to the insurance money for coverage. I have anxiety and depression already).

A while ago, I was uncertain if I have BPD, and talked with my therapist, who said that I don't. But now...

Idk what this all means... any thoughts?",5.371224489795917,6.8051924489795965,6.245510204081636,75.22091836734695,68.38775510204081,10.497959183673473,31.3469387755102,10.608840637214634,3.532483673469388,824,34,153,24,14,272,104,196,0.065,0.8140000000000001,0.122,0.9047,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,1,3,7,6,0,1,9,0,23,4,0,0,1,39,36,14,0,8,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,15,8,0,0,12,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,9,2,25,4,15,22,1,11,0,1,0,0,20,2,0,7,7,108,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572180867888311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342941067530594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657616889576708,0.0,0.07397790477134117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957873217959285,0.0,0.09040470866234523,0.0,0.0,0.07435901426822336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657913378657865,0.0,0.0,0.4871786389899168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329057379738057,0.2944560187219785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052358196958371,0.09276679883697736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916646884587206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629141761877617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715165302588848,0.3160153489644552,0.0,0.09741859193885886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261521161866224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198716338198253,0.07690249623691298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999412581304388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163873105661673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23317980536878735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336840614158722,0.0,0.12392738269982753,0.0,0.07677176877106684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067174299160978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675872878083688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451971599962438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747815375023104,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HairyRelative,2018/11/29,"What does splitting actually look like for you, and what triggers it? I've already been diagnosed with BPD but I'm having trouble understanding ""splitting"". I have this episode that happens periodically like a light switch and can be on for up to a month. Like, is this a BPD thing or do I have some other internalized shit going on? I'll write out a list of symptoms that happen during the ""switch"":

​

Strong urge to isolate 

Obsessive daydreaming - can spend hours in my head, role playing as someone else or a life I want to experience

Sudden and unexplainable hatred for boyfriend (aka FP) - all attraction is suddenly gone and I consider breaking up (even though I'd probably die without him)

Don't want to be touched or shown affection (and vice versa) in any way - it makes me... uncomfortable? Like when my boyfriend even puts his hand on my thigh I feel as if he is a stranger

Zero sex drive (I mean I feel NOTHING)

​

I'm interested to know if anyone else can relate to this in terms of splitting and if this is what it's like for BPD? What/how does splitting happen for you and what does it look like?",5.95897574123989,6.985069452830192,6.067601078167119,78.53198113207547,66.73584905660377,9.076010781671158,33.06738544474393,9.23628265651192,2.866178167115904,892,38,167,16,14,283,126,212,0.113,0.7020000000000001,0.185,0.9372,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,0,1,4,13,1,1,7,0,15,8,4,3,1,30,32,18,1,5,8,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,16,9,0,0,5,1,1,4,2,3,0,1,2,7,15,10,26,28,3,22,0,0,2,1,7,9,1,7,13,100,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.10539787282974926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918685088289042,0.0,0.0,0.2340480165828045,0.2624772197895202,0.0734475027673568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552001762159548,0.11066448729779987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080877673903844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962339721266484,0.11209274732824366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354925082203103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180449617776148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426733430565943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565018864403933,0.0,0.0,0.10922173989171707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138206402998499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865269514285093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084489178098274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636374703643306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059357045974947585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628754013834498,0.3165964451442398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813949822024368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720945679387357,0.0,0.0,0.11764974706643205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620902903718139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363427356575876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164482901452452,0.0,0.0,0.10857544618659487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086618287987067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151278329642966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225915939884294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717541127654128,0.0,0.10611494076355643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243762499363856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740898697412353,0.08572980764192628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041135315917042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624772197895202,0.0
bpd,emonemomemeo,2018/11/29,"scared (this is kinda irrational, very bpd rant lmao) I've never felt more stable then i do with you. so genuinely loved, so wanted and needed. Yeah, I split on you, and I do and say stupid impulsive shit sometimes, but god... you're the closest thing I've had to a reason to live in a long time. I couldn't fully describe how much you mean to me and how much good you deserve. You're not like anyone i've ever met, and this isn't BPD idealization or anything (never really had that towards anyone actually). You're everything. Yeah our relationship has issues, but so fucking what. I wouldn't change you for the world. You're perfect, for me at least.

i just read a thing you posted on the depression sub, and I know you'll probably see this at one point or another but. 

I'm so scared.

I'm very suicidal rn because my brain's like ""i need to kms before i get hurt by you killing yourself"". They talked about how much they love me but how they don't feel loved, even though they know they are. Obviously I'm not exactly keeping them here.  If they're going to kill themself either way my death isn't going to do much. It'll save me from the fucking indescribable amount of pain your death will cause me.

I'm scared because I do so much. I do everything and more to try and help you challenge the way you see yourself. Help you recover, in any way you can. Do fucking ANYTHING. And it doesn't seem to make a difference and im fucking SCARED. I'm scared you'll see this and feel guilty, or like you aren't good enough. i'm scared you twist my words and use them to hurt yourself. I'm scared I can't do anything. I'm scared I can't do anything. I don't need or want you to ""change"", I need YOU. I want you to love yourself, and I know thats hypocritical but. I do. I love you so much and I'm scared you'll kill yourself and I'm hurt because when I read your post......... i didn't know it was that bad.... you've shut me out so much (and i'm scared and angry and frustrated that if you see this you'll turn the words in on yourself. I'm so scared of that baby. so scared) i just want to fucking help and I'm so fucking scared i can't do anything. 

​

Baby you don't know how much it'll kill me. I can't handle that kind of pain. ",0.5412820512820495,2.7224497948717956,2.190940170940173,95.3846153846154,85.23931623931624,5.309401709401709,19.683760683760678,6.67199483983844,0.0684965811965812,1736,50,397,20,52,566,174,468,0.28300000000000003,0.61,0.106,-0.9986,0,0,0,0,0,1,77.0,1,25,7,3,23,48,13,13,10,2,38,15,2,9,6,78,92,48,7,13,16,0,3,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,18,21,0,1,11,2,0,2,18,33,0,1,6,8,67,15,31,77,14,28,0,4,4,11,45,14,7,8,10,229,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.0472451999304859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524566817142973,0.05882845826587577,0.03292326362453158,0.050766428952253036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770456054743101,0.0,0.19920348914252756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040423770192203085,0.0885383994961784,0.0,0.04119685254597222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195178543870555,0.05404617244083272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973464029303376,0.10243144465833487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041699012936464386,0.0,0.0,0.05058245379694937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002473065610312,0.0,0.0319770714364788,0.04379334573968944,0.0,0.0,0.08702298343766827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895927023380305,0.0,0.04648515013679789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26854845778802056,0.025294380889622915,0.0,0.055029723264471454,0.08121493825042399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735289775238527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554849590134619,0.0,0.05229556041723297,0.050531765711032336,0.0,0.04303269674709061,0.21425221445791104,0.05041585862233237,0.1330356784761362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095808457293087,0.0,0.04275055732873005,0.042844975082683576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184781797350692,0.0,0.03231680284164298,0.0,0.0,0.05273717270274726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28471960625741743,0.1435938341049136,0.07467991211884514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032806662506395884,0.0,0.10303207999675368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576699477545388,0.0,0.09273469328701972,0.0,0.0521986127591227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685444849106696,0.0,0.03101532671374996,0.04977778149260485,0.0,0.051978649296263287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850085356874188,0.6301227755036,0.0,0.15431915036560584,0.044074398995480886,0.0,0.0,0.049696401218174036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788280529261013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295719229973131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891343792895928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432838372198528,0.0,0.04756662973724475,0.0,0.028230664280307818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032870011324348664,0.05266066302833282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181425754301325,0.0,0.07989344312319704,0.11422361573191267,0.11528663131335062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882845826587577,0.0
bpd,UniqueUsername3171,2018/11/29,"Does anyone else get a butterflies/rollercoaster feeling in their stomach/chest? Lately this feeling has been getting especially annoying. It feels like im falling, from the time I wake up in the morning to when I go to sleep. Anyone have any experience with this? ",4.715531914893614,7.823700553191498,5.1483404255319165,74.89400000000002,75.38297872340425,8.01531914893617,32.80425531914893,8.841846274778883,3.4947651063829785,214,11,33,5,5,68,39,47,0.099,0.775,0.126,-0.1162,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,7,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088309366355126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719743737016832,0.2725393521481764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327706355432702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220146284035228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601903706461354,0.0,0.0,0.4034793314111844,0.1900241206627045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779387802982001,0.0,0.15116889232253805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873160711227285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000495870981122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299498332887835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661832315567525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510157041036185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,laatsyrk1,2018/11/29,"Recently diagnosed... I’ve always known I was different. Now that I’m actually diagnosed I don’t know how to feel. My impulse spending, my crazy emotional roller coaster, my extreme paranoia of abandonment or cheating... now I feel extremely depressed. This is not something I will “grow out of”. This is real and I’ll have to deal with it for the rest of my miserable life.",4.45695652173913,6.7648824492753645,5.654420289855075,75.0059782608696,72.33333333333333,9.817391304347826,36.13768115942029,10.125756701596842,4.397655072463769,295,17,50,9,6,98,52,69,0.205,0.773,0.022000000000000002,-0.9184,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,6,3,0,1,0,12,10,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,8,8,1,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.2552734136963313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766324592505504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26968707308496537,0.22530647337127846,0.5310152487169968,0.0,0.2733051330692384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942527438676494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26453481122003897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376263340182066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476825262942595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977458827960269,0.0,0.0,0.2582878668890985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013842166153015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,No_life_I_Lead,2018/11/29,Feeling suicidal. Any film or TV shows you recommend That's it.,0.5875000000000021,1.791742750000001,2.6866666666666674,82.92500000000003,121.5,8.266666666666667,29.0,7.793537801064563,3.8088,51,3,9,2,3,17,12,12,0.273,0.485,0.242,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4914654602651228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654223128379619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7905240253442937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MJA7,2018/11/29,"An Offer From A Fellow BPD Longtime lurker, first time poster.   


I got diagnosed with BPD back in March after a stay in the psychiatric hospital and since then I have been working through this life-changing diagnosis.   


One thing that I have found helps is contributing and after reading this wonderful article I felt inspired to do something in that vein [https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/how-to-help-someone-who-is-suicidal/](https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/how-to-help-someone-who-is-suicidal/)   


Every month I will be mailing out postcards to people who send me their contact information to [PostcardsToAFriend@gmail.com](mailto:PostcardsToAFriend@gmail.com) 

​

These postcards won't be me venting about my own struggles or life, if you want that feel free to check my post history and follow my comedy. This will all about letting you know that someone right now, at this moment, is thinking about you and wishing you well. I'll keep sending these postcards monthly (Unless you ask me to stop) and you can feel free to write back saying anything you would like. ",16.138607594936712,17.27314118354431,11.007436708860762,51.32166139240508,45.39240506329114,10.937974683544304,40.636075949367104,10.125756701596842,4.246377215189874,929,33,114,12,8,253,110,158,0.015,0.8220000000000001,0.163,0.9704,0,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,0,7,1,2,7,6,0,1,4,0,14,3,1,0,1,26,27,9,0,4,3,0,3,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,12,7,0,2,9,1,3,3,1,1,1,2,4,4,19,7,20,16,2,24,0,0,0,0,20,6,0,3,14,85,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487880918313834,0.17369153489202638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763000698960314,0.0,0.13363251990299696,0.0,0.0,0.21982886956206507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36006370760116857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121486580104734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508425635729222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204357424297019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445526713562626,0.0,0.13724781024272042,0.0,0.0,0.1215873435809476,0.0,0.1567297513937763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143246699737677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874352776742207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705441157007022,0.0,0.0,0.07855779964686185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616902336769486,0.2019299038658174,0.06983478736752682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281916668734413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686195649845772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909876015679248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368999944037881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298180094660426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220726421784727,0.0,0.11367410515476604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824402476379947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111524044444252,0.11004459619689136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235834514313662,0.0,0.11950684764239755,0.0,0.1494351837437011,0.0,0.15635657104153755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496505632781548,0.09159217855020192,0.0,0.0,0.0833512819205134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431155482490857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852303031770254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437753182695874,0.0,0.15501571447745394,0.10406429271863556,0.0,0.0,0.10154269015013112,0.0,0.17369153489202638,0.0
bpd,growingconcerns92,2018/11/29,"Rage and Shame Cycle Hey all I am new to the world of BPDness and I am currently working through what this means for me with my therapist.

I think I have struggled with latent rage my entire life --my mother and I had a frank conversation about how I was not allowed to outwardly display sadness or angry.

I went through most of my life not knowing that it was okay to be upset which has caused all kinds of problems for me. I have been in several abusive/negative relationships. I have been an emotionally unsupportive/absent partner, family member, and friend. 

I now know that I have this cycle of overreacting to negative stimuli ( I have no idea how to manage my strong emotions) and then becoming deeply ashamed at my behavior and that I even had the emotion at all which sets me up to have the same thing happen all over again. I start DBT soon but I just wanted to put this here and see if other folks are dealing with similar things. ",5.215565105285776,6.719494664804473,5.601229050279329,79.42906317146543,68.83240223463687,8.859647614954879,31.087666523420715,9.265573868473778,2.77391929522991,751,31,138,15,13,240,114,179,0.127,0.84,0.033,-0.9108,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,9,12,2,4,5,1,17,2,0,4,4,33,26,13,0,3,6,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,13,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,7,1,24,4,24,18,6,17,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,3,7,112,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167168390942687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898156573186246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958701014799304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551038374535251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864732442053404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507114399730085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708834509415953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546228926465188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569471007043645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129611629886932,0.18080418086584166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323752130590366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918316012893934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887019120384674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739939560611418,0.0,0.1653627997103834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660595293257245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108113126759338,0.0,0.0,0.1858324057395681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116430330825384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196577622318704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909912474267866,0.21856619326678253,0.10540168443445386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702334889831682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248841238647814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975424010700182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kibeth_8,2018/11/29,"Fucking therapists I'm waiting for my therapist to show for our first appointment, and she is very late, and I'm losing my goddamn mind. Why do you make people with anxiety sit around waiting :'( I had to take 2 lorazepam to calm my shit down, posting as a distraction >.>",7.0730128205128215,7.255456173076923,7.054615384615384,75.3570512820513,64.19230769230771,10.77948717948718,40.4102564102564,10.504223727775694,4.4242871794871785,219,12,39,5,3,70,42,52,0.28,0.682,0.038,-0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,0,2,1,5,2,1,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,8,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,7,1,9,9,0,6,0,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863668277100011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168713494468752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072210400438138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252205824819423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748113090407144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27254582406523586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261666635287442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24598436871285614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889379718269318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333183568852189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500700064741778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317014661278155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657177134955275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101006661782092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198270277066585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,memepuppy,2018/11/29,too scared to open up to anyone and start a new relationship i know i have a deep desire to have a intimate romantic relationship but i’m too scared to take the steps to get there. i’m too scared of the dating/opening up to someone new process that i just completely shut down from it and am too afraid to try and date. i’m also scared of being rejected and hurt that it feels like i’ve become cold and hard to the idea of love even though i’m a romantic at heart. does anyone else feel this way? ,5.080320512820514,4.767826903846154,5.806538461538462,84.3051282051282,68.42307692307692,9.625641025641023,26.948717948717945,9.2995712137729,1.805729487179488,394,10,88,7,6,129,62,104,0.20199999999999999,0.6609999999999999,0.136,-0.8338,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,5,7,0,4,2,1,0,0,13,15,8,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,4,3,2,16,14,0,13,0,2,0,1,3,7,0,0,5,50,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073464625518615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113044897246824,0.15469172031688733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667400167449727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829440629734315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211923257184055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612023281325982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971755808796297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267498411108815,0.10785656418173233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887820186005688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524393798375467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890609198955018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162185107151614,0.1704323888032766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297190705889408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375875486562883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362608243970148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29162517538851146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241812803796109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046092176596123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792062046983935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686087613480788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351440463099405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483321627277397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250210905331954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983692104295382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Locusthorde300,2018/11/29,"Has anyone had to reduce hours at work because of BPD, or other mental illness? I keep getting stressed at work, and I keep having that instant rage at certain things people say (normal or criticism), as well as other negative things regularly. I want to tell my work I have to stop coming one day, but the paranoia of getting interrogated about my mental health, or having me not share the details and being denied is stressing me out as well. I don't know what all they would need from me legally to not have them think I'm just playing hookie or something. Any advice is appreciated.",9.56609090909091,7.816959790909093,9.29545454545455,67.60318181818182,60.18181818181819,10.618181818181819,38.36363636363636,8.841846274778883,3.4865818181818184,467,18,78,5,5,152,77,110,0.19899999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.12,-0.8745,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,3,4,8,1,2,2,0,11,2,0,0,2,23,21,10,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,3,2,1,0,1,4,3,2,1,1,1,12,5,15,18,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,3,61,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030972966792442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156099527987648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470898276971055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000458521697267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661776904709134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131628412666772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579997751298968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714208129070174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437961974003358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615581882840441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916339360175345,0.0,0.0,0.09015869670631753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306516898564769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216424898780486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607361424338178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116589056187784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373301061271855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046074630502974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629525543338008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715482968404946,0.37584205612119387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338869134821167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797773740216764,0.10511790660761476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676212845150188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29500492534870737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582954606933816,0.0,0.0,0.11653784404786295,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cybelda,2018/11/29,Poetry recommendations I’m not really sure how to start this off but I thought that those who are interested in poetry would be able to relate to Richard Siken. I really think [Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48158/litany-in-which-certain-things-are-crossed-out) exemplifies a loooot of BPD characteristics and I’m curious as to what you guys think about it!,8.06372549019608,11.33368223529412,6.877058823529412,65.94343137254904,64.88235294117646,11.003921568627453,30.450980392156865,10.864195022040775,4.032874509803921,344,13,54,11,6,104,49,68,0.026000000000000002,0.8190000000000001,0.155,0.8339,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,10,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,30,11,0,0.31917643652422034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019915485014076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160348530068445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40894519643433785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259147245639463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008200141261078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120466419738552,0.409030745490147,0.0,0.2533904382463034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267337828874668,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Amiliacharles,2018/11/29,"Not to be clickbaity but '5 Signs That You Are Succeeding at Life With BPD' I have gotten so tired of seeing articles trying to lift people up that inevitably make me feel bad about not being 'normal' or capable of doing some things. So, I thought I'd make one about BPD. The road we are all on is rough, and hard. There are some highs, but a lot of lows. I've thought about what it means to succeed with BPD and made a little list for all of you.

**5 Signs That You Are Succeeding at Life With BPD**

1. You've found something to care about.  

It's hard sometimes to find something you actually care about, even with ups and lows, but it's in there. You've found something that you do care about whether it's recognised or not. It could be your friends, family, or pets. It could be your mental or physical health, it could be a hobby or just your love of nature. There is something you care about deep down, and that's amazing.  


2. You recognise your behaviours.

It takes an amazingly hard working person with BPD to recognise their anger, sadness and happiness and the behaviours associated with them.  You don't have to understand why, but you can see the patterns.

​

3. You know what you need.

You don't have to figure out your entire life to know what you need, it comes out of you. There is something deep down that you know you need. It could be security, comfort, attention, love. It could be anything, but there is a need somewhere within you.   


4. You try.  
Gosh darn, you TRY. Some days are harder than others, but you still try. It could be putting on a smile, or making an effort to reach out and get help, or really anything else. You make an effort in your struggles to try, and not just give up. 

 

5. You still struggle. 

Ya'll, BPD is freaking hard. It feels irrational and isolating, and even scary a lot of the times. There is a massive amount of BPD related topics that put us all in a bad light and it feels like an uphill battle. You're a human, and you are worthy, whether you believe it or not. It's perfectly okay to struggle, this is a beast to tackle with little to no understanding of it. We are all in the same boat.  


  
Anyway, I love you all. 

​",2.2964487004103944,4.655888717647058,2.9244158686730515,91.69996443228456,79.47058823529412,5.929958960328318,22.35430916552668,7.121374137718711,0.6735581395348841,1695,53,348,21,43,528,181,425,0.131,0.7,0.16899999999999998,0.9811,0,0,5,0,0,0,76.0,3,31,2,7,22,30,2,3,19,1,36,8,0,5,6,94,72,30,0,11,23,0,8,1,1,0,5,0,1,2,30,25,0,1,16,0,0,3,8,11,0,1,6,11,40,19,56,52,12,32,0,3,2,3,44,25,1,13,5,242,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.05881166514809194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059802072170262,0.14646142227365974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918881847907894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064045617608702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790000183198534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5313271301624419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578391762124496,0.0,0.0,0.05191447821503645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28870862822984444,0.0,0.0,0.038867075098197784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050345145550966634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961125449805942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681413866341421,0.0,0.09141805552062217,0.04305458609798565,0.0,0.0,0.05508272772664684,0.0,0.0,0.13215878549290982,0.046561950047966975,0.0,0.03148689520200109,0.05781336871490012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641550877369659,0.2159487210195564,0.0,0.0,0.06406074873880695,0.0,0.0,0.04039553952735864,0.06367514186790922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936310719564703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770458677572846,0.029443295231355932,0.12080625432999685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247329007943094,0.16317931431318708,0.05702586644449576,0.16091412377774364,0.0,0.0,0.06564817053191732,0.0,0.0,0.06073472019131496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787481585671002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904862993191836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083831696746879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041781383782297406,0.05262261110507265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116948118574065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860843031316544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604961150120717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319814849144265,0.05960536764292849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625822636359446,0.0,0.0,0.18901171173166548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531310397864945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003855808147553,0.0,0.0,0.09569015273786848,0.0351420329896906,0.06926777616713854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458587351370133,0.0,0.0,0.12547964723831012,0.07249349302859323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438137790459241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438749197793332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646142227365974,0.0
bpd,anonymous782900,2018/11/29,"It’s not that I don’t have a reason to live... But rather, my reason not to live gets to be so much stronger than my reason to live. It’s the pain, the suffering, the exhaustion of knowing that episodic mental illness means I’m always waiting for the other foot to drop, to only ever have conditional happiness and to never be heard or understood and just having to ride out the painful waves of life on my own. ",10.904349593495937,6.421022036585367,10.467560975609755,68.69898373983742,60.34146341463415,13.372357723577235,40.7479674796748,10.504223727775694,4.102572357723576,325,11,63,5,3,107,56,82,0.182,0.747,0.071,-0.8451,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,0,6,6,1,3,2,18,13,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,4,1,14,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,48,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553348036886453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688650186624053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753390678047913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987270039388647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025958256862692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185937813299034,0.0,0.0,0.494532231270126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033519819560391,0.0,0.0,0.18813206254460196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372331252960134,0.0,0.14398106082845502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198046158883446,0.3972867068640102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5758221386431203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway3_427,2018/11/29,"Life feels impossible Is anyone else so fucking tired of fighting? Everything feels so uncomfortable no matter what. If I'm happy it feels uncomfortable, if I feel 'nothing' it's also uncomfortable. 

I am so, so fed up. I see so many people around me being able to do all these normal life things and it honestly just astounds me.

I think I'm better off with alone time and staying at home and then I get way in my head, so then I think I'm better off with people but I split or find it futile.

I'm honestly not sure I would hang on if it wasn't for my family who I couldn't bare to hurt. But now I have thoughts creeping in that I will only keep letting them down in some way any way.

I just want a goal or a focus but everytime I find something interesting I go 'all in' until I can't stand to look at it/think about it/do it anymore.

I'm so lonely in my head. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I'm sure I don't deserve anymore. He's working over full time to pay for everything because I'm not working, so I don't get to see him much anyway.
The thought of having to be at work makes me panic so much I heave.

I started CBD and that worked so well for a month and now I'm back at square one with literally no understanding as to why it happened.

I hate being myself, I am exhausted by myself and embarrassed by myself. And I'm angry because I'm also an idiot. And probably lazy. I can't even tell the difference between depression or being lazy in myself anymore because so many other people can carry on, or commit to something even when the emotions run out.


Man, sorry. What a rant. I feel so trapped.",1.978634538152612,3.8407437710843415,4.0446746987951805,85.77522489959841,78.1566265060241,6.715823293172691,24.31967871485943,7.675431598112923,1.250647871485944,1260,44,259,19,30,431,166,332,0.217,0.6829999999999999,0.099,-0.9919,0,4,2,0,2,0,30.0,0,0,1,7,26,19,4,2,9,0,21,8,2,1,5,53,56,37,0,7,14,0,5,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,16,13,1,1,13,0,1,3,10,10,1,1,4,9,36,9,41,44,6,39,0,3,4,1,8,20,1,9,11,178,52,6,0.09273712419686048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604769261463386,0.0,0.1483236894304584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306442454535756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759109239839673,0.06484395348398278,0.095020142905996,0.0,0.08255570194728944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713091241863328,0.0,0.16959507046661773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403690029932386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798743491817167,0.0,0.0,0.09689055669498907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746996749861068,0.10431678264579776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225039918147554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669229500770105,0.0,0.08742430730010574,0.0,0.23445338216370185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695201028825397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573397697388674,0.09690263961842296,0.0,0.05270464480894159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820071326582278,0.0987203931473754,0.0,0.09155871071827572,0.1903500881739148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930228968923777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927700948756303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242901699964021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094829992623686,0.13100594676566235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787582788380575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061902750516975434,0.1880417765368288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402188777016086,0.0,0.13634491350992456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086269175708783,0.08898377180095836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284107541143105,0.07053076184657565,0.0,0.10880703391537816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287673567562533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998630491988073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779896253790514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278713786541036,0.0,0.1038116180382,0.06563981382189657,0.09884543532685236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480728411351407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105633410226484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161042458647911,0.17826661387318174,0.0,0.1472458355500261,0.10815152578277383,0.10658768208221477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654261683927512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469875858734533,0.2208312378889412,0.0,0.0,0.08338181193386264,0.0,0.08368083025072412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056945529062956,0.2700549236365317,0.0,0.0,0.06587779227137096,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Koalase,2018/11/29,Anyone else who avoids social contact because it just hurts too much? But avoiding contact feels lonely and miserable. It's so contradicting and it's hell.,4.273888888888886,7.690744444444448,4.086944444444448,77.78375000000003,86.03703703703705,5.662962962962964,28.972222222222207,7.1686216300943375,2.3891555555555555,128,6,18,2,4,39,22,27,0.527,0.473,0.0,-0.9589,0,4,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29575589854523154,0.4333907208788692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257843328790279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533436599216775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387027466152952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528064617949364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109373367954833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311725799291787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KatnissPlays,2018/11/29,"Impulse I got a job after a year and 5 months of being unemployed and i make more than i did. When i had my first job i made about almost 500 every week, within an hour it would be gone and i was 18 supposed to save and move out. Im almost 20 now and make more than i did an hour but get paid every two weeks and i make about 500 depending on my hours i get in, my first check was almost 400 and i wasted all of it with only $30 for gas. This week i got $508.. i got impulsive and got my nostril pierced and got a lot i didnt need like vape juice and makeup, i got things i needed but not much.. i feel like i wont ever be able to save, i told myself only $100 or so out of every check but i cant do it, i see things and i want it and i get it.. how do i stop? How do i start saving my money? ",-0.08709677419354732,0.7171621182795711,2.7589032258064528,97.36835483870968,81.04301075268819,5.605161290322582,16.163440860215054,5.6839178017228535,-0.8495694623655914,598,7,162,3,15,213,97,186,0.075,0.877,0.048,-0.6751,4,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,5,0,15,1,1,7,2,42,37,20,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,15,0,1,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,3,16,3,30,5,17,16,5,23,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,6,18,106,38,3,0.10774551608920332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323674711667352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746198784989424,0.2723407329934737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054479370325228316,0.07697341822269893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329656188730786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887775537328753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.517043591740491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183228889992906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638364659972915,0.0,0.2138415986253293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527803344989492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160138476292327,0.0,0.10195141250119487,0.2157629059415618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600144299021806,0.1145164320782282,0.0792053516835383,0.15978386988333432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389064036948545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585922646410102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626283085106597,0.0,0.0,0.09008007597541706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316266653802195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295545795588727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525171318333693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355109697947463,0.0,0.25928086169224784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653932325989132,0.0,0.0,0.06938457978593987
bpd,NeverCatchFeelings,2018/11/29,"I’m struggling through life at this point, and I just want answers & help. Too lazy to even make a throwaway for this, and honestly at this point I don’t even care if anyone I know ends up seeing this.  

I’m almost 17 years old, and I started experiencing symptoms of BDP when I was about 11, or at least I think so.  I can’t even remember anymore.  This first symptom is pretty much a telltale sign of BDP—that feeling of just.. emptiness.  Obviously, my 11 year-old self had mental health last on my priority list.  I noticed at around this time, that I seemingly was unfazed by 99% of what happened around me.  I actually very clearly remember walking into my grandfathers house to discover he had cut his artery open in his leg, and was just squirting blood everywhere.  Let me tell you, arteries have a ton of blood.  My mother, who is the least squeamish of all the people I know when it comes to blood and gore, was close to passing out.  I felt NOTHING.  My grandfather ended up okay, but I was never worried even when there was a chance he could die, even right in front of my own eyes.  Compare this time a year prior, when I found my grandfather on the floor, unconscious, after having a stroke.  I was bawling my eyes out then.  Now, I felt nothing.  I was thought I was hot shit for being as emotionally  “strong”.  


Since then, I have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder... the list goes on. 


Everything is getting worse.  Every day.  I turn to weed to escape, when my wallet allows.  

God, I intended to finish this but there’s just too much to even talk about.  I just don’t know what to do.  
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bpd,1200isplenty1,2018/11/29,"Does anyone watch Crazy Ex-girlfriend? How do you feel about it? Part of me loves that they’re talking about BPD and part of me gets angry that they are doing it in such a silly way, making it all look cute and quirky and fun.",4.140992907801415,4.453914872340427,4.07744680851064,93.73333333333336,70.48936170212768,6.2666666666666675,19.921985815602838,3.1291,-0.4865971631205674,177,2,40,0,3,54,37,47,0.10300000000000001,0.6890000000000001,0.20800000000000002,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,7,8,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,4,5,8,3,2,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079906169887949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37463986016882794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603088359110777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040447409914134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554103252437956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497910849014923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26846883597952903,0.0,0.1985565435412492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6442393592837481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390866995829432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361095262863929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Qualilia,2018/11/29,"I make myself sad Sometimes I imagine my SO in situations where she might have gotten sad or hurt

like right now I imagined her getting ready to go out, asking her mum how she looked, being all excited to go out and then having a really bad night :( I don’t know why I imagine these scenarios, it’s not even something she has told me happened! 

The scenarios just pop into my head sometimes and it’s hard not to imagine sad situations like that. I also imagine my loved ones dying a lot, it’s hard to control and it makes me really sad. ",3.8774065420560753,5.231707523364489,5.286063084112153,80.98647780373835,71.89719626168224,7.966822429906544,28.328271028037385,8.472884824447931,2.091206542056076,423,16,81,7,8,142,70,107,0.212,0.674,0.113,-0.9011,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,3,0,6,2,1,4,1,23,18,8,1,0,4,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,2,3,17,4,8,14,2,11,0,5,1,1,9,6,0,3,5,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686142272958607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999376406438987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289561448108215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194922158754613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776173731808074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303703861601805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941412646459095,0.0,0.19452678667061246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133945080082645,0.0,0.30661750114190583,0.0,0.17564007465171924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832100160800928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405463633583508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722172868815807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437153652440546,0.0,0.0,0.14549798669610714,0.15446146460615218,0.0,0.2284759377051505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155359144467176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060426661173294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596959352468128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927465686749112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615350758630147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847393845645513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175272885123251,0.3385257165688749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163532591682179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544281635291533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mh3560,2018/11/29,"Does anyone in here also have O.D.D.?? (It’s usually diagnosed for kids but there are ppl like me that never grow out of it) but anyways, how do you deal with life & know when to not argue or defy?I struggle a lot&worry about the rest of my life especially when I no longer have my biggest supporters I have been diagnosed with O.D.D (oppositional defiant disorder) which literally means I’m like hardwired to argue and go against ppl....along with severe chronic depression, severe general anxiety, phobias, panic disorder, BPD, ADD/ADHD, B.E.D, addiction I’m sure there’s more along with a list of physical health problems......... :( 
I’ve gotten a lot better at controlling my anger & surprisingly a hormone med helped with that but I still struggle with knowing when to stop or know what’s actually worth fighting for. My significant other doesn’t rly believe in ODD & doesn’t work with me at all.... can anyone relate? Opinions? Advice? I just want to be “normal” ugh

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bpd,survivingyetthriving,2018/11/29,"I think it’s time I leave... A number of years ago, support groups like these really helped me- I didn’t feel alone, and when I was first diagnosed BPD was unheard of, so they gave me validation,  I’m now at a point in my life where I’ve come so far that BPD feels like a thing of the past for me. Getting on the right supplements and birth control really turned my world around and I feel like a completely different person- I have for a long time. 

I’ve thought about writing this for a week or two, as every time a post from this subreddit comes up on my feed, I’m largely unable to relate. I used to heavily identify with BPD, but now I don’t; I identify as a girlfriend, a caregiver, an athlete, a passionate person, an artistic person,  and a plethora of other things I’ve found over the years. 

Don’t get me wrong - life still has its ups and downs, and always will. I haven’t had an ideal life and I’m sure I’ll always struggle to one extent or another. 

~I guess i wanted to post this to give people hope, that you can get better and life a full life. I remember having chronic pain, feeling ruled by my BPD, in suicidal despair, and reading online it told me I would always feel this way. While we will never have a “typical” brain, there is so so SO much we can do to learn how to handle our extreme emotions, channel them maybe even into something positive or productive, change our brains and change our lives. Even if it feels like it sometimes, BPD isn’t a death sentence and fuck anybody who says it is! 

Thanks for all of the people who have shared and posted. It’s been helpful in my journey and I wish you all the best! We got this. ❤️",5.564959696538644,5.2711768378378405,6.092710605342188,82.59714082503558,67.40840840840839,9.292808598071757,30.439228702386604,8.841846274778883,2.2123669669669668,1289,43,267,19,19,419,188,333,0.091,0.74,0.16899999999999998,0.9741,1,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,6,2,2,5,16,18,1,1,22,0,22,13,2,3,4,51,52,28,2,6,5,0,6,4,1,3,8,1,0,3,20,21,1,1,11,3,0,3,6,5,0,3,10,7,35,13,34,39,6,42,0,1,0,2,25,18,1,6,21,175,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858018894214751,0.0,0.0,0.0801277243897117,0.0,0.0,0.19312384157765647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112487593636901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688720400496506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119072306967938,0.06842383809084983,0.0,0.0,0.487198118329269,0.17273182788656932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368569567313784,0.13328771873459752,0.0811166583330448,0.0,0.08677241843043902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852474459855242,0.0,0.0808308831943658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702620730933014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219887459614678,0.0,0.06518409476173359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347110958339033,0.16581061081725432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580738214350347,0.0,0.08482769949127092,0.0,0.07152351390012279,0.1212614450479397,0.0742164064180008,0.0,0.0,0.061876565634357235,0.0,0.08522724448541208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037134436438468,0.0,0.0,0.07684178022966019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819193013197671,0.0,0.0,0.2732290623047429,0.1511882537723366,0.0,0.06831549374421655,0.0684663735428109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777244300282559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687282720833304,0.0,0.059669339863143725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242512582913475,0.0,0.08232275619646216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385449123566652,0.10727152658358316,0.20265871956760373,0.0,0.0,0.07313576806103804,0.0,0.22228539538350264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738682117185376,0.0,0.09912513382201373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764046597375019,0.06607004295441081,0.0,0.06152445688362481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956003792397289,0.07651683837170735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178449559050909,0.0,0.0,0.08087962079506561,0.0,0.08462572105071169,0.08779388931720714,0.07291643089730812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122811234894051,0.0,0.0,0.10279691237572444,0.04957293512376417,0.0,0.06141987072934475,0.1353380088736544,0.0,0.0,0.07392641843034617,0.0,0.0,0.08415186655965955,0.07557522781002997,0.0,0.0,0.0668192844278795,0.0,0.0,0.04563240337413795,0.06140943832004825,0.0620582462001982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889669494715206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495850487218094,0.0845874499994373,0.0,0.0996421866253438
bpd,Scarknutra,2018/11/29,"Hot damn it's a day Hey guys, lil bit of a rant

I hate my job, it sucks and people within the company often yell at me and that's pretty accepted (I'm in helpdesk but seriously that's no excuse)

So I've applied for a better job which has 3 rounds of interviews and police and medical checks. 2 rounds done, last one is on Monday and its looking good. 

Unfortunately in medical they wanted a recommendation from my GP because I'm on Lexapro. Honestly I think I'm ready for this job, I've been clean of any kind of self harm or serious breakdown for over a year. But I'm still in the mindset that I'm ""sick"" and thus they'll turn me away. Obviously there's no way to know what will actually happen but I wonder if people out there have similar experiences?

Also, I'm currently moving house and GP is tomorrow so that's not helping with the catastrophising!",2.249753761969906,4.520794372093025,4.4093707250342025,81.47023939808483,79.11627906976744,8.000547195622435,24.65253077975376,8.841846274778883,2.047775239398085,680,25,135,17,17,234,113,172,0.154,0.723,0.12300000000000001,-0.3548,4,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,7,11,3,0,8,0,8,3,0,1,1,23,23,15,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,1,2,10,9,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,6,0,1,2,5,9,5,20,19,1,19,0,0,3,0,8,10,2,4,7,77,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.15618793422908195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279937478421578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884103657431976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037438254721533,0.0,0.0,0.09756638231752653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155323222029667,0.1747356329671487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322047766931923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378904801546035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656183822495245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342442560571223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847691730428815,0.14153369969450275,0.0,0.0,0.15801848750428346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727966730681944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467883826802595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764815644244363,0.0,0.0,0.16666981666271802,0.08796054553912162,0.13046396739358626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344036022220501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224716608194492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170110240663205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845556486931668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192019238894875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628307052238931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669694306901799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781795491105002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255503627403632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409091686839864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094402979602125,0.12704204741473327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356986669519395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306841866710208
bpd,Mensch_Nummer_zwei,2018/11/29,"Recently read a comment on a bpd subreddit (can't remember which one), would like input. The comment I read stated ""ultimately we all dated a disease, not an actual person""

Thoughts?

Throughout the comments I will give my own input, I just don't want to start this with my bias.",7.0730128205128215,7.255456173076923,7.735384615384617,70.47628205128207,64.19230769230771,10.77948717948718,36.56410256410256,10.504223727775694,4.051210256410257,219,10,37,5,3,73,42,52,0.057,0.889,0.054000000000000006,0.2211,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,6,1,3,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,26,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.2689711197289515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34714117339598405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644054794128529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465689276007234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867712436797462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066590524774065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5514009782941438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721473253466411,0.0,0.3122304156205392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950894312701807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188161775740328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257129755036506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579673188027213,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0MoodIndigo0,2018/11/29,"BPD scapegoat Has anyone been in a situation where you feel people in your life are using your BPD as a scapegoat? As in, when they do something objectively wrong, you get upset, and they make out it's because you have a mental illness?",9.497333333333334,7.448916622222224,9.180555555555557,69.31750000000001,60.55555555555557,10.777777777777779,38.05555555555557,8.841846274778883,3.3665555555555566,188,7,33,2,2,61,34,45,0.282,0.718,0.0,-0.9211,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,2,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,5,9,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,6,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706034355243564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630813177470298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6738790621058915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526914340719753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397712514755717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896146897836955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785756289737396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696032045934864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854687882742317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007103429782112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059545233509728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310564995368801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924975965990167,0.0,0.0
bpd,mershy7,2018/11/29,"Being rational and having bpd I told my bf (ex?) that he clearly didn’t want to be with me because of how he acts and that he should stop torturing me. I said “you don’t care about me, so leave me alone”. 

He never replied. He’s left me alone. 

The rational part of my brain is saying “you told him to, so he listened to that”. Whereas my bpd brain went into overdrive I had a terrible meltdown and hurt myself because I clearly said you don’t care about me so leave me alone. If I was told that, and I cared I wouldn’t leave them alone because that’s admitting they are right. And now I feel worthless. 

I hate myself. I hate how pathetic I am. I hate how someone ignoring me even when I’ve told them to can make me feel like this. ",1.1132456140350868,3.0967405000000063,2.646210526315791,94.13914035087721,81.5,5.8954385964912275,22.63333333333333,7.0316486544052195,0.599490701754386,564,19,127,7,15,184,80,152,0.271,0.623,0.106,-0.9790000000000001,0,4,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,3,3,0,11,12,4,0,2,0,14,2,2,4,3,23,33,13,0,4,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,6,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,10,6,33,4,10,19,1,9,0,2,0,0,24,3,0,1,5,82,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390918473780263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383030130712314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26697965460225226,0.2366382484507304,0.0,0.0,0.3241895001856438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000494053113777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718276087207246,0.07571878519903752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31392750574035666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346374991266114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366821311822275,0.11515769689156476,0.0,0.0,0.051781023793866884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074868834001148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174549093927336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477609559834458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051429276869223,0.20164021278503505,0.08428695447711111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980439955015633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861181016752863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051093162304949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062515241916761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825315347374976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,let-it-roll,2018/11/29,"Did DBT impact your health too? My health has been going from bad to worse since I was diagnosed and I started therapy.

I keep trying to pick myself up, but it's just so tough on some days that I spend the whole day lying in bed.

Feels like my whole body has gone into a shock. 

I have been told that it's not uncommon. Has anybody else experinced health issues during dbt or any other therapy? ",1.9897784810126569,4.27584878481013,3.1979588607594955,89.72326740506331,80.13924050632913,6.481645569620253,18.735759493670887,7.645422480735847,0.5423025316455692,310,7,63,5,8,100,62,79,0.182,0.779,0.039,-0.8978,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,8,5,1,1,0,10,14,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,6,1,9,1,7,8,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184217706131398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540036175066348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934312615197362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461292383573087,0.0,0.0,0.17674932856016673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454723607908227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805086177261744,0.12440628016866367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896827574035076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5553108398680378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817578365241406,0.0,0.15478441630712655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507643825223346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405113627067112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325781185738352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982905478627784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639907442198154,0.0,0.1182302272792589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888441493744439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746443499251666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kirnwaza,2018/11/29,"Bpd ex and struggle Hey all
I was wondering about my ex bpd.
I felt hard in love with her, thing pretty rare for me (i'm aspd..)
At first everything was great but at one point i confronted her about her action, not because i did not belive her but i was tired of taking her defense and looking like a fool without knowing for sure what was the reason.. she had deleted me on facebook, put herself back with her ex manipulator, i though it could be the reason (to protect herself since she living with him and he the father of her kid) but she told me nothing and i had to run behind her..

It ben almost 6 month, she blocked me and she won't even respond, last time i saw her she told me about her ex wanting to kidnapp her kid and a big machination of some sort and i could not do anything to help her (by my own fault, impulsivity you know) she was already thinking i was mean. I fear that she turn up psychotic by my fault (she's doing some speed) and seem in denial of her own diagnostic, she told me it was a thing her ex had made up.
(Sadly i could tell otherwise, i'm not a psy but it fit her pretty well and before her denial she was doing great in her life, she was the one who told me she bpd)

Could it was my fault ? Did anyone ever put you in situation where nothing made sense ? Sorry if it dumb but i just hope i did not broke her..",2.7583641658102067,3.8972989028776968,4.174295991778006,88.71344124700241,74.35971223021582,6.7340870161014035,24.02946214457005,7.07126945348624,0.7522224734498115,1037,30,228,10,21,344,138,278,0.11900000000000001,0.74,0.141,0.7746,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,0,1,10,18,3,2,8,0,25,3,0,5,3,52,47,16,0,7,13,6,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,11,12,0,3,9,0,0,4,7,11,1,3,24,4,61,7,29,17,5,24,0,2,2,1,55,13,1,8,8,169,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916924373429464,0.0,0.1092875816462486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924757245122452,0.0,0.08149736404991588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615179948499266,0.0,0.0603708148486482,0.0,0.08427148801715012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741933348111828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31628554562209005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541168137482486,0.08958282447948737,0.0,0.0,0.08900626932361502,0.0,0.0,0.1114419047846042,0.0,0.0,0.09508912770355772,0.0,0.0,0.08423911769855212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837286722496888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871590469018725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663810707967712,0.0,0.0,0.09836409773628482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885408852090817,0.080726740428946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995134706304823,0.04838349699275998,0.0,0.0874497165926525,0.0,0.08316445472306054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893829512097168,0.18741861710427374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787814463540743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904878960852944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900535008647232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421735377503874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362008292979936,0.0,0.0,0.20150839096922407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911505089692316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036489419619264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015774160576977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192277276455806,0.11131948582345648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086157081947197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353288147388187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333931246683183,0.0,0.07446199254724659,0.0,0.08656095236024917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158890262163805,0.06345762710096975,0.0973013815423224,0.0,0.05774810306101274,0.1138261602019598,0.0,0.3785287340320753,0.0,0.0,0.10772163791918636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584134070296139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890443557614169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546620285729054,0.10739922949544238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nebele,2018/11/29,"I just had another psychotic episode Again, after what feels like so so long of maintaining as much as I can of my mental health I broke everything. 
There are problems with my partner that I don't even know how to fix, my son had surgery two days ago, and I just lost it. I needed help so badly but I just screamed at my partner at the top of my lungs, I called him pathetic and a whore,  i slammed and hit things, and now I am committed to death yet again. I can't keep fucking coming back to this insane state of uncontrolled rage. I hate myself so badly and I've ruined the small progress I made. It's all over, again, for like the millionth fucking time. ",5.120469924812031,5.187354082706769,5.26668233082707,86.91400845864666,68.32330827067669,8.755263157894738,30.158834586466163,8.472884824447931,1.949361654135338,515,18,111,7,8,162,89,133,0.326,0.58,0.094,-0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,16,15,4,1,4,0,7,5,1,2,2,20,18,13,1,2,4,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,6,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,13,0,1,4,2,20,2,15,13,2,18,0,3,0,3,6,5,2,0,13,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768557404130821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920618943976765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341275140445304,0.33316910798092875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037245083501352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186230125921062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866901872580325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177608515581968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930891668387292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008794844817542,0.1425317271978178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688920722695077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697722958469868,0.0,0.21207239439133224,0.0,0.0,0.13372898317541893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733582396041994,0.0,0.0,0.10964681947474808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494340111269934,0.0,0.0,0.17656223135411658,0.0,0.0,0.21779139666654426,0.0,0.0,0.18878349499837227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010616139716951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666459979863766,0.14793594645188207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909064606007524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325472000793395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633730836162046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489466385847007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Grackyeck,2018/11/29,"There really is hope for us! Really! Hello, everyone! I'm new here, and first of all I want to thank and show my appreciation for everyone here, even those who don't think they are participating or contributing. The love and support I've seen here in just a short time has been really moving and helpful to me. In fact, it helped me get to the best place I've ever been in my life. I hope I can make it up to everyone as much as possible, but it's going to take a long time.

I found out I had BPD, experienced my first real, extended FP validation panic that felt like life or death stakes, and miraculously achieved the state of mindfulness that I thought was pure myth, all within less than two weeks. Whatever I'm wanting to call Zen right now is actually real, and was achieved through mindfulness... and I can hardly believe it. I don't WANT to believe it. The only thing that's fighting off the countless forms of creeping doubt and is proving that this is actually real is the guilt I'm feeling right now that I can't share this feeling with everyone in the world right this instant.

Mindfulness works. I am proof. I'm in no way ""cured"" of anything, but I can finally ease my own mind about so much that was causing suffering, and practically do it at will. And it keeps getting easier. I was finally able to make myself my own FP for just long enough to forgive myself of things I thought I never would, and the amount of guilt that hasn't come back is amazing. I'm still incurably sad at the state of the world, and anxiety still pops up just as easy as it did before, but now anxiety and other negative thought loops dissolve almost entirely as soon as I examine them honestly, and the mindfulness training has finally kicked in to make this response become automatic. I've entered a sustained state of ""flow"" that has survived the two or three naps that I was thoroughly convinced would dispel it.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I can say I'm fine with whatever comes next, and it's not a lie. Everything in the world could go to shit in the next 5 minutes, and I feel like everything would have been worth it up to this point if for no other reason than I proved to myself that self forgiveness isn't impossible. Even if this is a dream and I'm about to wake up, it's fine.

I feel so bad because I want to help everyone find the place that I'm in right now, but I'm not sure how to begin to articulate how I got here. I'm 33 and I've been picking up mindfulness techniques here and there all my life and kind of just frankensteining them together without really knowing what I was doing for the most part. I have no idea where the best place to start is, I just know that you should pick up everything you can and stick with it.

I have real hope, love, and forgiveness for all of you, and I can finally feel much of yours. Stay strong, everyone!

(NOTE: I want to stay responsive to this, but I'm still physically recovering and decompressing from an 11 day straight anxiety attack, so please forgive me if I leave questions unanswered)",5.900333333333336,6.13935823333334,6.427000000000002,78.66933333333336,66.66666666666666,10.466666666666667,32.0,10.317481424215053,3.1008499999999994,2420,92,484,57,36,789,257,600,0.10800000000000001,0.7170000000000001,0.175,0.9904,0,0,0,0,2,0,64.0,1,4,3,10,32,35,3,4,24,0,47,8,2,9,12,119,99,46,1,16,19,0,8,3,0,5,4,1,0,1,39,30,0,1,25,3,1,7,13,10,0,6,19,11,51,25,75,74,17,78,1,2,1,2,25,35,1,13,33,330,90,3,0.056261029643386654,0.0,0.1098052983617006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633729429895747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911860105194245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629803364610729,0.0,0.0,0.0640050433253034,0.0,0.04326125900965806,0.0469756097274497,0.03429620147461092,0.062135887036511274,0.04787399240588778,0.12677382864686768,0.1180849591620839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085879732513514,0.0,0.05744880162611193,0.0,0.0,0.05779557525763086,0.0,0.09692779069152113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449198541685964,0.0,0.0,0.036283709761129705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058132683142829274,0.0,0.07431975893809825,0.05089132231717759,0.0,0.3225589490262816,0.15169135713402754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068360225495335,0.08038578163744138,0.05401941136527903,0.2465248318277078,0.05142156183956478,0.14356680922111312,0.0,0.061687315074430274,0.0,0.0,0.05878813180060929,0.0,0.06394887936454711,0.0,0.04499708494868522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039883176804879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313174671506628,0.0,0.0,0.16763969091469785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635118543513188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050007388185205115,0.0,0.05858720469308835,0.06183918107793756,0.0,0.0,0.05957230694096185,0.0,0.0,0.1589553162937607,0.08245889168814577,0.0,0.0,0.09957848160608496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155555166081737,0.0,0.11266402248304655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408456103386769,0.0,0.0,0.05979657078698309,0.12407499079478483,0.0,0.04339197444343969,0.05433725301424883,0.11966848658641405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427890482628873,0.0,0.06601019617049228,0.0,0.06092521250647257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634240428275727,0.061757715678322236,0.053184858184866415,0.0634258575478786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630252291421037,0.0,0.0,0.2561494753643084,0.14416902494220904,0.05784570873465662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218644764163548,0.0,0.044741028924802015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869252399269105,0.0,0.057751138436215925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982184635551946,0.11993354366332107,0.13479039284562988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384434971595,0.053025354616955414,0.0,0.04230129252029682,0.0,0.0,0.051797597187910965,0.0,0.0,0.074754656326056,0.036049796074672666,0.0,0.13399491935656296,0.0984187764728226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991770182849067,0.0,0.0676750914231239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592106478342078,0.04465738659554744,0.045129204366931214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054233624896700014,0.0,0.04095869964601456,0.0,0.0,0.11989866375258845,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kday0,2018/11/29,"Buspar for anxiety? Just curious of peoples’ experiences, i know that everyone’s different but I’m trying to see how different combinations work for people. I am 23F, have BPD, query bipolar 2, generalized anxiety disorder with more social anxiety triggers, and panic disorder (among many other disorders that are strong, but not “officially” diagnosed.

Currently taking:
Lamotrigine 150mg AM
Duloxetine 90mg AM
Lamotrigine 100mg PM

I was thinking of finding a drug that isn’t a controlled substance for anxiety that I find is getting worse, panic attacks have slowed down but it’s my first year with diagnosis and treatment. I know duloxetine has many indications for use, but it also has many warnings for interactions with other drugs related to risks of serotonin syndrome. I have ativan as necessary but my doctor is carefully limiting that as I shouldn’t be dependent on it (i agree). Was wondering how Buspar works for others for anxiousness and panic? I’d like to have an anxiolytic daily so I can feel a lot more at ease about going out for errands and such.

Thanks in advance!! Any experience with these symptoms or related drugs would help.",6.7375186567164205,9.166282338308461,7.801912313432838,61.5019729477612,66.41293532338307,11.791169154228857,37.43812189054727,11.45678717892309,5.54495248756219,934,50,134,34,16,315,129,201,0.198,0.705,0.098,-0.9708,4,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,7,7,9,1,4,4,0,19,7,0,6,0,35,32,16,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,0,12,9,0,2,7,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,2,2,11,4,27,27,3,12,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,4,5,94,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240965824846494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007805286364173,0.0,0.3153342077113901,0.11641803039241926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172351202426584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297888290215137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050671212452495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558019372152108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045943556351301,0.0,0.21533222900260185,0.3543153082189644,0.10547682296016783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585185072266182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984694205586452,0.0,0.20160684096508869,0.0,0.0,0.05210556229688765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837306162539325,0.08765492669251419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538397706057096,0.0,0.0585661236379641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690727544806845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326800909317515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034539769521769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761007390049477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134318988491679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627236019179328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288484806117338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211811639122596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050472757832522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710920059049964,0.07748134924043276,0.0,0.0,0.09487529761900587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603076817021326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996470390924013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900277274971713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175415704071788,0.15004436614716354,0.0,0.10501753176321772,0.07320430563847885,0.0,0.0,0.06636131296850688
bpd,CyberiNox,2018/11/29,"Developing a stable and consistent personality Hi everyone, this is my first post here and boy, I guess it's a big one. I'm just thinking back to this period between 2009-2012 where I had probably the peak years of my life. I think the reason I did so well in those years and felt so good, is because I maintained a consistent personality the entire time. Of course we all struggle with this, and I think it might kind of be the root of our problems. I knew who I was, and that alone was so reassuring, it was really all I needed. For a short time a few years ago it happened again, and I got really heavy into Asatru, which helped me a lot. Well, I'm not into anymore (of course) and I don't think I want to be, because I found the community after a while to be toxic and not good for my mental health, but the point still stands. I want - I need to develop and maintain my personality. I've basically accepted that I am a chameleon in a lot of ways, but a few things about me that remain consistent are:  


Metal music  
Cyberpunk  
Computers/IT  


Everything else, from the way I dress to the things I do and am interested in, seems to change with the wind, and I'm constantly bouncing around from thing to thing, never really knowing my place in the world. Has anybody here been successful with developing and keeping up a consistent personality? A consistent, I dunno, 'thing'? Subculture? Hobby? I'm sure that if I can do this, at least 80% of my problems will be gone. What do you all think?",4.668814432989692,5.6649042920962245,6.020582474226806,77.81314175257734,69.65292096219932,9.806254295532646,28.6393470790378,10.008157457239328,2.7064885223367705,1163,41,232,29,20,393,153,291,0.04,0.86,0.099,0.9522,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,1,0,2,14,13,0,1,22,0,23,2,0,2,5,55,46,19,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,21,19,0,1,12,0,0,1,4,3,2,2,11,1,31,10,33,29,8,35,0,0,0,0,12,15,0,7,15,171,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196161372507752,0.0,0.0,0.1074461145800016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028848479515292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235296725191128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977170631954264,0.0,0.1264811322896426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109745984591205,0.0,0.0,0.1121089664331326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866636852772921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991305629312992,0.0932372186225327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960922815546283,0.0,0.0,0.08824345850147093,0.0,0.11374847830156673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402885200997584,0.08297248688395029,0.0,0.11428424239005575,0.0,0.09173929671925128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027360248084647,0.0,0.0,0.06953652205973622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221124801816254,0.0,0.10803202204116608,0.05701425599852467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327651286388275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763966091185916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454820655421578,0.1100545740575498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384774429018652,0.08001273936929118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029871520264297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623363768141327,0.1083890052220139,0.0,0.09807035173947473,0.0,0.0993567966799076,0.0,0.1118521401441314,0.198535440765252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938062451263627,0.10666473872146567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444342660905894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828490268885986,0.0,0.0,0.10845435920366048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777623473808383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446100868868133,0.3323705563800372,0.0,0.0,0.12098636536623487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238022429420245,0.1646921985189098,0.0,0.0,0.1865542310293656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042062624437734
bpd,Horrorfreak24,2018/11/29,"Real or Fake I am having a hard time distinguishing who is real or just pretending with me. I feel like I cannot trust anyone. I go to a hangout spot in my community where my SO works. I was a regular before we started dating. I cannot help thinking that he is still in love with at least one of his exes (whom he compared and contrasted me to during a fight last night) and that he is just trying to fill a void with me. I have caught him messaging her before, saying that he and I were just hanging out because we were just lonely so maybe that could still be how he feels. The first time I confronted him about this, he said he told her this so she wouldn’t feel bad but what about me and my feelings? I think he hides a lot from me. I think a lot of people at this hang-out talk shit about me and are just putting up a façade. I know it seems like I’m paranoid but I don’t think I am. I sometimes feel like I’m losing my mind. But then again, I don’t feel like my parents and grandmothers are being fake with me so I find solace there. I am not sure what to do. I have felt that way about other places in Miami but this one spot is like my second home. I don’t know what to do. What if most of my life is a lie? The depression and anxiety is real.",1.6501419398445414,2.95999696282528,3.3035434268333894,93.15591669482937,77.51301115241634,6.526596823251097,20.03396417708685,7.1686216300943375,0.1894371747211893,969,21,229,11,22,322,134,269,0.153,0.778,0.069,-0.96,1,2,0,0,1,0,23.0,2,0,0,3,19,17,3,0,11,0,28,3,1,1,1,54,50,20,0,3,13,1,8,5,0,1,1,2,1,0,17,14,0,0,16,2,0,5,7,9,0,4,7,10,42,8,24,39,4,26,0,3,0,1,27,9,1,7,16,161,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086484618061419,0.0,0.0,0.07904872180645695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439385880225924,0.06891556742384436,0.0,0.19239817878600807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026297681732642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737168800938316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429755131352871,0.2422935273949184,0.10854783404792513,0.0,0.10332765611425812,0.09616213745058838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425016646215531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127255904316904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757765018019184,0.0,0.11340056709979375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426105719511825,0.09215262601450183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985210713153364,0.27615795459820464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647648612227633,0.0,0.1922258630830631,0.10203401786241352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357612292413052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141504871795862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609182458566878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532141833222377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553108128937482,0.0,0.0,0.07837615589517348,0.0,0.11811547955272066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364867899821275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38603443707430907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753852405300933,0.08990364130447316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291847038988723,0.0,0.0,0.11604645131476506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118115094251772,0.0,0.08001892394664695,0.0,0.18056725442546226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655035380472858,0.0,0.0,0.09086707023891466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897571212181164,0.0,0.0,0.1318432855371489,0.0,0.0,0.10802621497427932,0.0,0.07675501797646977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973556850534706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230334281006345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AffablyAmiableAnimal,2018/11/29,"SSRI's can cause Activation Syndrome, leading to an increased risk of suicide, especially in those with personality disorders I've taken SSRI's in the past, a couple years ago last, for social anxiety, GAD, and MDD. I've been dealing with this all ever since, sometimes getting better and worse. I've been taking Lexapro now, for about a week and I've already begun feeling better, now I'm more energized, less anxious to do new things or anything, and feel a bit more optimistic overall. However, I've been restless, jittery, kind of feeling off the wall, which I don't necessarily dislike, it's a lot better than my usual boring, tired, worn down self, but I wanted to see if others experienced this or if this is a typical side effect.

Turns out these feelings of restlessness, insomnia, irritability, impulsivity, aggressiveness, fidgeting, hypomanic/heightened mood are part of what's called Activation Syndrome and it's a very common set of side effects for SSRI's. It's basically what you hear at the end of those commercials for antidepressants. Not everyone experiences Activation Syndrome or even many of these individual side effects. For those that do experience Activation Syndrome, it is linked to individuals with Mood and/or Personality Disorders. For those of us with BPD, we already have the highest risk of suicide out of other personality disorders, and that can be coupled with the increased risk of suicide that Activation Syndrome brings.

I'm definitely not advocating against medication or trying to make it seem scary or anything, just putting this out there to inform. So, if you're taking an SSRI, watch out for these initial side effects, because it really can sneak up on you. Remember that it's not you getting worse if you feel upset or that you're not improving at first, it's these common side effects, you have to just stay consistent until it takes full effect in at least 4 weeks, but if you start to feel suicidal or the side effects are too much, definitely see your doctor ASAP.

All in all, I'd say definitely give medication a shot, it's helped me a lot in the past, and I'm confident it'll help me out more than everything I've tried these last couple years, for the long haul this time.",10.839287891382654,9.249771832917707,10.665914380714883,58.27243211415906,57.60349127182045,13.599390412856748,43.724161817678,12.360288348925252,5.559021501801054,1799,86,287,47,18,597,199,401,0.15,0.765,0.085,-0.9844,1,0,0,1,0,3,55.0,2,7,0,12,10,15,1,6,18,0,17,5,0,10,4,65,43,23,4,6,20,0,6,0,0,1,5,2,0,4,36,18,0,0,17,0,0,5,5,8,0,1,5,12,14,5,54,36,16,55,0,0,3,0,22,25,0,15,23,186,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244277098611754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180367378588245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251809773938273,0.09232406284777203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450261863342988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049817762702139286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683284236740988,0.08922067306375668,0.0,0.10292763042915418,0.0,0.08344862240941177,0.0,0.0,0.08395233669098194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712758178049357,0.0,0.0,0.0842531296990863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809859321075189,0.08364725634966565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723825834802855,0.0,0.0,0.05397746624504832,0.07392339996229863,0.0,0.07809011148527414,0.07344762887966619,0.1598821298819504,0.0,0.0,0.2479305237513933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695137938135354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539409829140758,0.07839643221291333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921080940394364,0.0,0.10955480528656487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510223684516796,0.0,0.133230787375946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232254526151664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895644758157544,0.0,0.0,0.054550934659473325,0.08285459514677661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465524594922115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007602574938736,0.0,0.0,0.07892886850906458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849836567095491,0.15602826639614326,0.0,0.2140728895098318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215448458726095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235403605036737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257656334264107,0.0,0.0,0.06498964509744218,0.0,0.0,0.13024577229298126,0.07439781934925466,0.08525522089733616,0.0,0.0,0.06760235494117102,0.0,0.0,0.08330660859584292,0.0,0.0,0.08082642938501344,0.0,0.057844169523232174,0.08710615988579788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35756808630453457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433724396533924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429332651442973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047653511088175,0.09392890674828948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096950702686106,0.08889147859272205,0.0,0.0,0.09830306274176144,0.0,0.09000666474337914,0.06743027794070447,0.048202517347501736,0.0,0.13110699712634186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656604084338733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052542464172122
bpd,caliroll94,2018/11/29,"I’m a whore When I get into my manic episodes I seriously feel so great so energized that my current relationship becomes meaningless. Throughout, I am a great student I go to college have great goals that I am fulfilling. On the outside my life on paper looks like it’s tracking well. My personal life on the other hand is a mess. My mind is controlling that mess and I have no way of saying a “firm” no to any of the unrealistic delusions in my head. I am feeling amazing. When I’m manic I think I will be an entrepreneur,  that I have so much confidence. I start getting drunker on weekends. Indulging in cocaine.

And worst of all, I cheat. I sometimes smile. Sometimes accept drinks. Sometimes dinners dates. Sometimes fuck. See an ex or two.

And then when my I hit my lows

I regret everything.",1.829736842105265,4.599201447368422,3.4437368421052637,83.90915789473686,87.15789473684212,5.934736842105262,28.65263157894737,7.365786028017652,2.095588421052632,628,32,113,11,20,207,92,152,0.187,0.5920000000000001,0.221,0.8413,1,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,7,17,2,0,9,0,10,8,2,1,1,13,23,11,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,4,2,1,4,2,0,1,2,9,1,1,0,6,23,8,12,20,3,18,0,2,2,2,4,8,1,1,9,78,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958652544418088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617352163239263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424871172274558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345876843868946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161387420727166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809235398018727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538455223990947,0.1530212517681454,0.0,0.08322715206125755,0.0,0.0,0.4843630560347975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502931647746962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687459126078786,0.0715448421252219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297556302062823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478660753347308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765274000617424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786871761962054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572253935615147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645765976521552,0.0,0.0,0.1166964199666842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5793450202255424,0.0,0.1036533836065393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383500976085812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305391079887222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623994483651615,0.0,0.0,0.13167019275282973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,puffpuffcutie,2018/11/29,"Stability, what is it, does it know things, does it exist Lotta emotions plaguing my palate lately about things I'm not in control of myself enough to control, does anyone have any good self soothing techniques? My coping skills have been deteriorating lately & I feel like I'm about to hit the next curve of instability at any minute",14.899180327868855,9.543864245901641,12.941065573770494,56.60536885245902,54.08196721311475,14.1672131147541,45.254098360655746,10.125756701596842,4.677550819672131,273,9,45,3,2,86,45,61,0.0,0.877,0.12300000000000001,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,8,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170654692511591,0.0,0.2531932101759136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016886193339428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41759322762646095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887350989046362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940729471269628,0.0,0.19235520341255952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412914633658996,0.13299423441677968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614392883685455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230981620001184,0.0,0.4199978927308495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909493938483038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798549486221526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420766049404733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473556413748331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,graceyroo,2018/11/29,"Realizing your symptoms are a sign of something real Every now and then I look through the signs/symptoms/requirements for bpd or dissociation, even though I've done it dozens of times.

I still cry when I read those bullet points and realize that it's exactly what I am experiencing. Maybe it just makes it too real for me?

Anyone else experience this or have thoughts on why it happens?",5.045416666666668,7.294608263888893,5.6427777777777814,75.98000000000002,70.52777777777777,8.688888888888886,30.055555555555557,9.2995712137729,2.8111222222222234,313,13,56,7,6,101,58,72,0.053,0.9470000000000001,0.0,-0.5362,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,1,13,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,6,0,6,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,5,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449853888173243,0.21245669988500188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611526739976533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22776651285934466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121931591465281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173216048004013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695408693212913,0.0,0.1747030623549976,0.0,0.0,0.2028301126190348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336075108659106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412351620407568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384091171242734,0.0,0.20831302475499636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601472866428374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207408182840612,0.4720241025792599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962975411919525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559163128943813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551819486192772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372235640914474,0.16461438246686844,0.12090865974632145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871029920076453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,retrokittyinthecity,2018/11/29,"I’m being rude to customers. All I do is work. And I honestly don’t give a shit. I got a part time job in optical. And Nanny part time. Going back to retail makes me want to die a little every day. And I’m rude to customers and I call them out. Cause like I said, I don’t care. I tell my therapist every week when and where I was rude. I know when I am. But I can’t help it. I’ve completely 180 my life after dbt. And I’m alone a lot so I don’t fuck things up. Cause my mouth gets me in trouble. I love working with kids and am working part time with a kid who has behavioral issues and I love him. I’m gonna try and be a para next fall. I just don’t have anyone to talk about this with on the phone. And I just kinda want to keep telling on myself, so that I do care.",-1.5184761904761892,0.3042243142857153,1.280571428571431,100.72409523809526,91.57142857142857,4.476190476190476,14.61904761904762,5.916634753146586,-0.972466666666667,585,11,153,5,21,202,99,175,0.14300000000000002,0.71,0.147,-0.0972,1,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,3,9,12,5,0,7,0,15,6,2,3,1,27,35,15,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,14,0,1,1,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,3,1,25,6,17,29,5,20,0,0,0,3,15,8,2,2,11,93,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453748694063436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082927770095384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998852768120024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264268272129878,0.0,0.2648839320396487,0.2668866863920244,0.0,0.0,0.13619794452257222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377491724056599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348159547095826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889313254651285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009069133781088,0.06786752110997743,0.12461215996450588,0.07382530771606897,0.0,0.10389309947796953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706940185857723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355821156913498,0.1289059578345579,0.11546131402253774,0.0,0.0,0.0713897822347052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175239077760708,0.06346270243038607,0.13019418020353593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043655039752273,0.23448010117254625,0.0,0.08670942802011711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815039346969574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220079481284045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356488810377753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334074368066556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440890336987456,0.22707709459493344,0.0,0.0,0.1508242065779459,0.08629995648586221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723764764432305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819374536878365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323707043416593,0.0,0.1041981480356362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837067953400392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LimpEntertainer1,2018/11/29,"Just Diagnosed TW/CW: I discuss my own, and my doctors previous prejudice around BPD.

Hey all, so I was told for the first time by my GP that she believes I have BPD. I have been getting treatment for major depression for about 3 years, and in hindsight I suppose I see that my providers have always skirted around the idea of a personality disorder. I'm too capable, too competent, ""you're nowhere near as bad as that"". I think they knew just as I do now that I fit the criteria almost to a tee, I was just high functioning so to speak. Maybe they didn't tell me on purpose, maybe because they knew I was scared of being diagnosed with a personality disorder.

I had heard about BPD before, and I guess I only knew it by the stigma around it. I thought it was just when people with depression don't act submissive enough and demand more from their doctors then they get branded with BPD as a short hand for ""too hard basket"". Or that it was a way of pathologizing being a jerk. I know how wrong I was though, part of that is seeing all you nice people posting in such pain, and seeing a reflection of a part of myself I never knew how to process.

I have been researching it for last couple days, here and elsewhere and I had never before had a way to so accurately describe the way I felt, why I did things that made me so ashamed of myself. Why sometimes I lost control and didn't even recognize the person I was being.

I'm 28, and I think that I have most of the symptoms under control (most of the time), I learned to do so in a trial by fire kinda way though, and I am realizing now that in many ways I simply swapped one set of maladaptive coping mechanisms with another which were simply easier to hide - more socially acceptable.

I am rambling now but I had to say this somewhere. I'm sorry if I said anything hurtful or stupid, but I'm feeling some strange and conflicting emotions about this. I'm using a throwaway, because I'm still a bit scared about how others see BPD.",7.6731578947368435,6.277168410256416,7.876288798920378,75.15309716599192,63.615384615384606,11.082321187584348,36.42375168690958,10.064110947511567,3.459205128205129,1560,62,304,28,19,511,192,390,0.131,0.82,0.049,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,5,5,32,15,3,3,20,0,31,8,1,7,4,60,60,32,0,1,9,0,5,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,19,18,0,3,15,0,0,1,5,13,0,2,28,13,47,2,48,29,13,35,0,4,4,0,19,13,0,9,14,222,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656385744154995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362102129964661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017519873852885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292023946152198,0.20419739696759906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384108308994353,0.0932188708444018,0.0,0.13012401732576873,0.08614447556117255,0.0,0.0,0.08347474824099012,0.0,0.4814948005926619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151325810692172,0.0,0.08460177003653975,0.0,0.04931051120169106,0.0,0.13171013673330842,0.15521101096091106,0.0,0.0,0.17526005380071566,0.15652053330394156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600744698776112,0.0,0.07900383787023188,0.0,0.050501248766327514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03866058044756653,0.0,0.07341379386983095,0.0,0.0,0.06503701707915184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989460975090155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422954347461448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849333143748353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080784411701008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185223809669513,0.08631427232906427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042020532786227714,0.06232527760807562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346535328635328,0.0,0.0,0.07234850111548102,0.0,0.07751865383871302,0.1536291193651151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794165789237675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181141830700699,0.0581514364867169,0.08135905617817854,0.0,0.0,0.1655979167259377,0.0,0.10601576721756772,0.2002863231516413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322774732920576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273117061375756,0.06080422929452246,0.15310002116431926,0.0,0.2437155578021854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794155704675527,0.0,0.0,0.07562110453157883,0.08559094719639407,0.0,0.0,0.0610612238940644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947143613016715,0.0,0.0,0.06682959521474112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079676723262627,0.09798523275936813,0.150243539725532,0.06070086746366704,0.08916912872966283,0.0,0.0,0.07306100898483454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603707366866765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30345278589967256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798689701001662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835972386547578,0.0,0.049237869538898464
bpd,owlsareraptors,2019/07/20,"DAE Feel like having BPD is like having a full time job? Basically what the title says. I feel like my mental health problems overall make me feel like I spend all of my time working on feeling somewhat sane and it leaves me with no time to get anything done or do anything else. It’s like a full time job that doesn’t pay and takes 80+ hours a week. 

OTOH could this just be that I don’t force myself to do enough things so all my free time feels like mental health upkeep? I’m honestly not sure. 

Thanks for reading and lmk if you know this feeling too!",2.366315789473685,4.19482703508772,2.829684210526313,95.07978947368422,76.89473684210526,5.261754385964913,21.049122807017547,5.6839178017228535,-0.1316392982456147,438,11,96,2,10,135,78,114,0.086,0.71,0.204,0.9267,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,3,11,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,1,3,22,22,6,0,3,4,0,6,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,10,11,6,19,6,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,13,54,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524062598131665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705962839003593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956555670401933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761492429811735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417372992682956,0.0,0.0,0.12885199800716568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783228639829944,0.35635267513468305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651524050851546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651078694874815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228077775318358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474978618746774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853375421741603,0.0,0.0,0.1320429465878855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655428365956872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324052045328348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513434917766417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932435899193547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247371953859138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916918776470143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753152474738265,0.0,0.09376147400824307,0.0,0.0,0.11481018127503972,0.0,0.0,0.0828474302853461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635779193489165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002958468071464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078559598216934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,libraova,2019/07/20,"I am extremely in love Please BPD don’t take away my feelings, let it last",3.938125,4.031941562500002,4.662500000000001,90.1325,70.875,8.9,28.5,8.841846274778883,1.7695749999999997,59,2,14,1,1,19,16,16,0.0,0.63,0.37,0.7929999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546149241026117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753692760230488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908437237055247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30766191096994755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859553814974474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34065204950916794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143129956910447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28378600201106857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SFspammer,2019/07/20,"[TW suicide] I give up on suicide This is the most stupid funniest thing ever

I have attempted suicide so many times now i have lost count. It's somewhere around 10-20. Yes, i am this bad even at dying.

My last 2 attempts before today were extremely traumatic, and unlike most other attempts, very far apart. 

I haven't got close to attempting again since December. 

Two days ago my FP broke up with me. It was more like, we broke up cause it was a mutual agreement. And since then i've been purposeless.

The past  24 hours i have attempted 3 different methods and failed all. as usual. I'm just too weak. I am not suicidal because of the breakup; on the contrary i'm doing really well emotionally. I'm just purposeless, extremely. She gave me purpose and now she's gone

I really wanted to end it yesterday; on the second anniversary of Chester bennington's death, cause he's my hero and i miss him every day. But i failed even that. i failed horribly

What i have come to conclude is that, self harm is fucking pointless. Suicide is fucking pointless. If i cannot succeed, like, ever. it's just stress and planning for nothing. I'd rather spend that money on alcohol or something. I just give up on giving up. I'm beyond depressed, beyond suicidal. I give up on trying to kill myself. I guess i'll continue to be a failure until a truck hits me or all the substance abuse gets to me or something.

i wish i could die. i wish",1.6705691229560422,4.3204441913357385,3.2638872372053527,86.17295551072417,85.4259927797834,6.580123168400935,25.114567848800174,7.827709963407826,1.815491484391592,1119,47,210,23,34,368,162,277,0.258,0.629,0.113,-0.9938,1,0,4,0,1,5,40.0,1,0,0,13,18,22,4,1,9,1,19,4,0,3,4,36,41,15,10,6,11,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,11,1,0,1,0,2,2,3,16,1,2,8,0,31,6,28,30,5,40,0,8,0,2,11,19,2,7,21,135,44,4,0.0,0.10866315651480588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129673048981476,0.0980117255140826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164269834431931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657528988257263,0.05590649243355812,0.0,0.07803975015091225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884259919120116,0.0,0.0790013553091087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322418749645683,0.0,0.0,0.11829268886956405,0.0,0.07899099931165729,0.0,0.1903641604242801,0.09581902044407344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316311795445184,0.08122918686366855,0.0,0.0,0.12114919035020595,0.16591664404381878,0.07727091257414756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957164810752773,0.04791548486975797,0.35191219409305025,0.0,0.0,0.07335008196397881,0.0,0.10103058087467456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031737506120212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146521064271063,0.0,0.0,0.07475713081380972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089611234014854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011395975298908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092981088379143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799967860880044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754902490153965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750549850326387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567511874260808,0.0,0.0,0.15172943705265954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412080201515043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505523832314398,0.0,0.0,0.6019051165842866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060929059904196003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347772586682478,0.0,0.08693179908828988,0.0,0.0,0.06226610317735596,0.0,0.08958883056098453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100728432008536,0.0756716102652846,0.05409383170173632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245967217946505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109274478607376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuckboys_eatcheese,2019/07/20,"DAE get severely depressed after having a really good day? Today was the perfect day. I'm very much into body modification - this morning I went and got my bridge pierced, adding my total piercings up to 23, and finally saved up enough to get a tattoo that's I've been wanting for a year now! Adding my tattoo total to 9. My love and FP took me to get my tattoo done, then after that we went home, got dressed up real nice and went to dinner. We've not had any privacy at home as he's recently moved into a house that we needed to basically take apart and start from scratch, and due to lack of doors we haven't been able to get intimate as his mum is always there and her room is opposite his. She was out tonight so we were finally able to have sex, and it was amazing. (Sorry if that was TMI)

So in reality, I should be beaming, filled to the brim with love and happiness and content. And I have been all day until the sex was over. I suddenly got super insecure and was overwhelmed with sadness and I tried so hard not to cry and ruin our day but I couldn't stop myself and then because I was upset it upset my partner, which in turn made me feel so much worse. I cuddled him until he fell asleep, but I've been downstairs for about an hour and I can't stop sobbing and the urges to do something self destructive are very intense. 

I fucking hate this. These days are far and few for people like us, and every single time these blue moon days come I always end up fucking ruining it. I hate myself. Why is one great day so much to ask for? I'm more upset with the fact I upset him and ruined the end of his day. I love him so much and I want to make him feel as incredible and loved as he does me and I feel like I am incapable of that. It pains me more than I can put into words. 

Does anyone else struggle with this? It seems no matter what these super great days include or who they may be with, but right at the end my brain is instantly like ""nope, bold of you to assume I was gonna let you have this lol"" and fucks it all up.",3.055693319064368,4.0960640189573505,4.315240788870206,88.37050986087758,73.50236966824644,7.246109157621159,23.802476685522088,7.601502580125103,0.9127835804922791,1584,43,346,19,31,522,216,422,0.14800000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.166,0.7136,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,6,2,1,3,9,38,6,7,12,1,36,15,3,2,6,71,73,43,0,7,7,1,5,3,1,3,1,0,4,2,21,38,1,2,5,0,0,9,7,20,0,1,23,6,50,18,53,43,14,59,0,7,1,10,30,18,4,5,35,230,71,0,0.153511808514819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773412225890915,0.0,0.0,0.052196646967148035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053669512920446936,0.07864549450483073,0.0,0.0,0.07175640919523366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678968681277056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525850624999419,0.0,0.08568497385288874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611841508552226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431275664716552,0.4455108754965076,0.0,0.06610974786537853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433921812914024,0.07854793913608661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411970890455206,0.0,0.20394884643804026,0.07930936724443377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467015979187292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643027434826685,0.05483443333804819,0.0,0.16816468263006432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128787899734348,0.1604071679655067,0.0,0.0,0.0643792108319034,0.18416612525983814,0.16924731083187974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170808735225255,0.06875821381858344,0.15156112926050253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398486052816238,0.0,0.07558910439404626,0.08856600806807806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784881124748195,0.0,0.11249717318906907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27710080137157184,0.07262829248848454,0.051235162111185305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157937903624195,0.22569768510692806,0.05691353043633776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520117871832362,0.0,0.08167369382351175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053212879542441686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716088390170632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736502305090513,0.04917179771455285,0.0,0.07578719555290629,0.0,0.0,0.06554912284869199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987569248578926,0.08007314798118444,0.08671232411134143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590904450515514,0.0,0.08592195071773208,0.05432822409386556,0.0,0.0,0.12834274572215118,0.0,0.08024193662337323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771088761142566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475698502712666,0.0,0.07275562240370914,0.0,0.08527863384596286,0.052112220600900296,0.08348838281930628,0.0,0.0,0.09232790211644,0.0,0.0,0.12666331908189646,0.09054524201585212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346047669335166,0.06926026497511943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822082387865413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942828580059912
bpd,AsleepGovernment0,2019/07/20,"I was called toxic for being suicidal. Well, I was called toxic for being suicidal and the person I thought that I could trust told me that bad fee fees are not an excuse for being toxic. I wasn't being toxic, I was suicidal and you made me feel worse because you were rude to me and then said the truth hurts with a smiley face. I supported you earlier this morning when you were upset but you didn't do the same for me, you clearly didn't care about me.",2.5641129032258085,4.351542978494621,3.9157930107526897,87.69368951612906,76.20430107526882,6.800537634408602,21.302419354838708,7.645422480735847,0.797409677419354,359,9,73,5,8,118,54,93,0.226,0.6509999999999999,0.122,-0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,6,0,0,3,9,1,1,5,0,15,1,1,1,2,13,22,6,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,12,2,18,5,7,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,12,0,0,0,2,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627285701584899,0.11880573472513645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980176691766576,0.0,0.1987076917282528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560721155072532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854439607276626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863834109740606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844136654612411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701741543808588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538907592240253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6395480783882179,0.2211637018072436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472427615029796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622982178558195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523334968864435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861390585697591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,patty___boy,2019/07/20,"I’m already past my breaking point I hate everyone and I choose to die alone . Yeah I have BPD but that doesn’t mean you can treat me like trash or treat me like I’m broken . Everyone pretends, everyone lies and I’m so fucking sick of it . 
Everyone says they won’t leave when you show symptoms but when you do they leave . Fuck relationships, fuck family , fuck friends, and fuck life . This disorder is fucking hell and people just make it worse .",1.7024630021141682,4.412772988372094,2.414904862579281,91.67396405919662,86.55813953488372,6.3830866807611,22.93446088794926,7.686295010490155,1.2681302325581398,351,13,71,7,11,109,58,86,0.4320000000000001,0.42200000000000004,0.146,-0.9905,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,2,0,4,13,8,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,0,11,18,10,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,11,5,2,17,0,5,1,0,0,6,8,1,7,1,5,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572197814449199,0.13395533588130631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288468916632458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598219943714264,0.0,0.13912184937207445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639680276952386,0.0,0.0,0.1144343664327302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378452932601994,0.6733308142610684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984610889139795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570659952863506,0.0,0.0,0.08574035631524199,0.11860867434611795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102783144207856,0.0,0.0,0.13222776898535374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587915173833695,0.08415556927009879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475146091795238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032592532134327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653308492894104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616923168647806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370535139024022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ACJ79,2019/07/20,"Husband has no empathy towards BPD/PPD/PPA I was doing fairly well for a few years, but then had twins (I also have an older child) and have been suffering a lot since their birth 8 months ago. I would put this in the Postpartum Depression group, but they don’t understand the BPD symptoms, which are very high right now. 

I have told my husband numerous times that I am struggling mentally. He doesn’t back off though. He is constantly on me about getting things done around the house, making constant comments about how the house is disorganized -I have a very messy 3 year old and 8 month old twins who until recently woke ME up up-to 8 times a night...I keep telling him I’m doing the best I can, but because my mom comes over for a couple of hours a day when he’s at work he thinks I should be able to be a fucking stepford wife or something. Our house isn’t that bad. I’m too anal for it to get too bad, but it can get disorganized. He works long hours so I guess he expects me to do it all.  

What I have realized more and more is a complete lack of empathy for me, and actual cruelty. I understand it’s hard being around someone who is grumpy a lot, but he is grumpy a lot too. He has said mean things to me about going back to the doctor, getting my shit together etc. 

I was bullied horribly the last year of elementary school (grade 8). I think that trauma is a leading factor in why I have BPD. Those kids made me hate myself. I’ve allowed him to make me feel that way again. I am a mom to three beautiful small children and I hate myself. I know I’m probably the most important person in the world to them but I can’t see why they would even look up to me. This relationship has killed who I am. I fucking grew two humans at the same time-that’s an incredible thing, and it’s all just stripped away because I am allowing him to make me feel this way. 

BPD is torture in this kind of situation. I hate him right now. I know I need to leave but can’t because of that stupid fear of being alone. I feel like I’ll hate my life regardless of what I do and it makes me angry because my kids deserve a mom who loves her life with them. They are everything to me. I love them so much. But I don’t even know who I am anymore. There’s nothing left of the real me.",2.8292407012556278,4.080975609808107,4.058423951670221,89.16958807154705,74.35181236673773,7.599170812603649,25.181295901445154,8.167268648758528,1.2946730158730158,1767,57,393,28,36,579,230,469,0.218,0.7240000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.9981,1,1,2,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,7,4,24,23,10,2,26,0,47,10,2,9,2,60,88,24,1,7,10,6,4,1,0,3,4,1,0,6,27,11,0,2,12,0,0,5,7,17,1,2,9,7,61,6,44,72,14,56,0,2,2,4,46,21,3,6,29,258,88,6,0.06813201942755921,0.0,0.06648702279933942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060394924371712684,0.0,0.0,0.07056422458498025,0.0,0.05448515132079847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675686556523889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130388423493788,0.0,0.0,0.06401227502112447,0.10477863480243514,0.11377478069131848,0.16613058665799554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150035097766247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432395735784106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868970191555479,0.07143512610388107,0.14725301731571394,0.0,0.0,0.07538678360487372,0.0,0.04393951610943892,0.0,0.0586820084981307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973600888496423,0.0,0.06972271080628929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598521154770316,0.09000111252704802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612326658835168,0.0,0.0,0.07666746368491884,0.10334878848211083,0.04867352829246948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597390819208762,0.14238467242200012,0.0,0.03872099674368575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505510067124564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061032906914646565,0.2690650550766602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198521923265433,0.0,0.0,0.13419262997191025,0.23584560851811576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055886934441105,0.075377984898103,0.07094901379617914,0.1123307282134406,0.05553668929295903,0.0,0.07214197108678819,0.07402563845964144,0.0,0.0962473204497543,0.033285863211073435,0.0,0.0,0.060294693203771885,0.05721373683157984,0.0,0.0,0.17377021947971893,0.12298361517001907,0.06446816414566837,0.18191460808678825,0.0,0.0,0.07421574274252833,0.0,0.0,0.06866105076098952,0.0,0.0,0.23938619312174364,0.10876465577939368,0.0,0.050084873649885855,0.05051902910785167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393728484319254,0.0,0.06537451017146846,0.0,0.14298618669988422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949025138964713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345784040952387,0.0,0.0,0.0684914977147339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754915410587226,0.0,0.0,0.06727214967664702,0.07314829116871903,0.0,0.11636874464821205,0.06480915255106814,0.0,0.0,0.06895324105560814,0.054292398401472916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993653885896202,0.05635951052733903,0.07658324445628775,0.0,0.0,0.057728038964211074,0.052451357184640064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122637975307143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081525546954727,0.0,0.0,0.05955038802000285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579165888157674,0.0873124939976231,0.06693936316241984,0.0,0.11918498529418875,0.0,0.0,0.06510306429658158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655508301110244,0.1418556700576138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124321027800781,0.0,0.1081600514742627,0.0,0.0,0.061258867791970414,0.0,0.12295710055131585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920184318339627,0.0,0.0,0.0967980635964061,0.0,0.0,0.13162436014603834
bpd,irelandj21,2019/07/20,"sorry if this is dumb i just needed to vent about one thing. all of my relationships always end up going the same exact way. I really don’t mean to sound obsessive or anything, but if my partner doesn’t text me back soon after I text and I know they’re not busy it really upsets me and it makes me feel like they don’t like me anymore. it makes me feel even worse when I know that they’re active on other social media but ignoring me. The first two months of my relationship usually go well, the person is equally as obsessed with me as I am with them, they text back fast, they’re engaged with the relationship, etc, basically the honeymoon stage. Then it hits like 2/3 months and the constant contact is severed, he suddenly becomes distant, and this is when my thoughts become even louder in my head. it makes me feel like it’s time to break up with my boyfriend. And for what? Because it’s been an hour and he hasn’t texted me back? I’m so tired of myself. it’s no wonder my mom felt the need to tell me that I have a new boyfriend every 3 months.",3.525257009345797,4.7920924953271085,4.458960280373834,86.91638434579441,72.64485981308411,7.406074766355141,24.589953271028037,7.865858978985527,1.1517205607476635,830,24,174,11,16,269,125,214,0.129,0.7709999999999999,0.099,-0.715,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,1,12,11,1,3,9,0,11,2,1,3,2,35,29,17,0,4,7,1,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,2,15,10,0,1,9,0,0,2,6,5,1,3,3,5,28,6,20,25,4,29,0,0,0,0,14,4,1,4,24,115,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642626079437634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492756435527852,0.0,0.0,0.09536413115699273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673270581909826,0.0,0.07064290204226494,0.25597350100004346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523136993522768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264041331876783,0.0,0.12924328900554874,0.15308294285463225,0.0,0.09763877628665807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578601238454453,0.1655776632292219,0.11126853183094416,0.0,0.0,0.09857239387317784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317211302250658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893225371122895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412415985040784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737559914606214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22646377373508636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320639943128769,0.0,0.0,0.1262335985208425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572403678465875,0.27749679616921696,0.0,0.0,0.1718556899763785,0.0,0.1119232182249971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852721053105338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011870020068046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484788091483076,0.0,0.0,0.37325390861795466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309179572534075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813096918253857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972465432652575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128928843515794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698936962383622,0.0,0.0,0.0920003727844737,0.06757393614601989,0.13319366825101342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320357808034835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763182559269107,0.0,0.0,0.0919847461552913,0.0,0.0,0.10419524263902186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567319602496888,0.0,0.0,0.11809752052917885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buffalogoop,2019/07/20,dae feel like when they speak people just ignore them and blow them off Constantly when I speak people just don't respond and when I question them about it they say they just didn't hear me. But it happens with everyone I try to speak to. Am I just in my head or are people in my life just assholes? Tired of feeling like I shouldn't speak,1.1121428571428569,3.4972178571428607,1.813928571428573,97.64232142857144,84.71428571428572,4.642857142857143,18.75,5.985473137389443,-0.3182857142857145,270,7,59,2,8,83,43,70,0.128,0.7809999999999999,0.091,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,6,0,9,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,15,9,7,0,1,7,0,2,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,14,2,8,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,2,6,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568665603228203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271301532176314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403740020168909,0.33962229145922995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101951194846121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439462168148869,0.0,0.26790236451008625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789277798777147,0.2322539896638691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943685651112987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662756062698354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902659719374468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731983163492689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138100365146055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheCaffeinatedMom,2019/07/20,Does anyone else have a hard time getting through the day without crying? I have cried at least once every single day for the last 4 years. Most days I can’t even go a few hours without tears rolling down my face for one reason or another. Most of the time it’s a thought or a memory that causes it but pretty much anything can set me off. I have constant headaches from the non stop crying and I’m always finding an excuse to leave the room so no one sees me being a baby. The past 3 days I have probably spent more hours crying than I have not crying. Any tips on how to make it stop?,1.91307749627422,3.7496159262295095,3.0502086438152034,92.948219076006,78.2622950819672,5.419970193740686,20.926974664679587,6.1124844417494595,0.0774327868852458,461,12,99,3,11,148,87,122,0.094,0.742,0.16399999999999998,0.8362,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,0,8,1,1,4,0,17,15,6,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,2,8,0,14,12,7,21,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,14,64,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826853843322984,0.0,0.0,0.08031194981995755,0.12383799312999592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257816313835929,0.12100725573834345,0.09718611621512813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132108107750195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762398529347166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6486357145978401,0.30465853997301384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334997717411178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865727289444004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800383904474542,0.0,0.09950421971209078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794112603362202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170229877273267,0.0,0.06711886804152245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579427106464394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326091314965503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962671427285767,0.0,0.1250506919974643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883256890199687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681698065872227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577248902549942,0.16005503360916795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273967291408313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015000810985554,0.12733161622101194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142631833145827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411029235864032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974735304488116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375809135772058,0.1377299479736136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276880876741733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605243324159708
bpd,Desperate_Adeptness,2019/07/20,"Acceptance is Key Hello fellow people :)

So, a week ago, my FP decided enough was enough, and left. So did many of my other friends, a few days after.

When they did leave, I tried to kill myself. ~~Thankfully~~  I recovered.

For the past week, I've been ruminating about 'what if they never come back', 'what if I'll be lonely when I go back to schoool'.

I've just come to a realisation. There are 66.04 million people in my country. Yes, my FP seemed like they were the best person ever, like no-one could ever compete. But, that's one out of 66.04 million people. Yes, maybe going back to school will be hard. Maybe I'll be lonely for a while. But there are greater things to look forward to in life other than a small group of friends in some school. Yes - they provided comfort, they provided healing, they provided stability. But I can, and will, learn to provide myself with the very same. Who knows? Maybe I'll make a few new friends somewhere, who cares? Life's life, and as Plotinus said: ""Life is the flight of the alone to the alone"".

If you're FP has recently abandoned you, or you suspect they're planning to (although the latter is a little dangerous to infer), please listen:

"" *No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now* "" - Alan Watts

You're probably thinking you're the most selfish person on earth. You're probably thinking you have nothing good to be said for you at all. But, believe me, you're not. You've got a personality disorder dude :) Don't do anything rash, now. There are more fish in the sea :) Trust me, I know how hard it is when people say 'just think positively', and I'm not telling you to do that. I'm just saying, accept the present, move onto the future. It's easy to stand still, the difficulty is to walk without touching the ground.

You are you, your FP is your FP. You are more than your situation. Don't forget it.

Thanks guys :)",2.623502415458937,4.9520150217391325,3.4993840579710174,88.18064009661836,78.13043478260869,6.371497584541062,23.53743961352657,7.492282038375204,1.0351338164251205,1480,49,296,21,36,471,189,368,0.09699999999999999,0.742,0.161,0.9794,0,6,0,0,0,1,82.0,0,11,6,4,21,20,2,0,22,3,33,6,1,4,4,47,55,21,1,4,14,0,3,2,4,2,5,5,0,4,14,8,0,1,12,0,0,7,8,6,0,3,9,9,30,14,39,38,12,44,0,3,1,0,36,13,0,7,27,192,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811182841829899,0.0,0.0,0.1895539693967309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530510976556735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110971202289616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310067544797638,0.09603432490605283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330076302392347,0.0,0.0,0.15765589470067362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306346041985404,0.0,0.0,0.059016518220825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048786344579408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910902862526985,0.0,0.0,0.16555245704402174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121016953136053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401472807122436,0.07675442666538969,0.07318907854904552,0.0,0.0,0.09060950006094254,0.0,0.0,0.1639503563956817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124249452606847,0.0,0.10058324192518757,0.0,0.0,0.09689610464815906,0.09942611634776644,0.0,0.2585454845192668,0.08941453737448947,0.09171727602145276,0.08080519638578729,0.0,0.0768455331595488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658917805307069,0.061083779097887675,0.09277699490913696,0.27580293231526104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726087637194693,0.0,0.0,0.07057831923025222,0.0883811358787903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780651933222312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062009689983854824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735685480975773,0.2537666434687361,0.2397095700613122,0.0,0.10045073606312396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732697857634546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903552974333518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409434017798428,0.145545191830838,0.0,0.18522644614509387,0.0,0.08330746284848901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286131578252636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308017590388201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998396138196741,0.16850062236525415,0.0,0.0,0.06079532063014763,0.17590815224554127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212942909359604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550551109620399,0.0,0.0,0.1468079493164486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821258170591842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NewAdmit,2019/07/20,"Girlfriend is coming back after month long trip; Im not as excited to see her as I was when she was gone. God damn, I really do love her and I’ve missed her like crazy this past month.  I’ve been so needy (I think..) and she’s given me all the love and supper while she’s been gone. But now that she’s coming back today I’m not nearly as excited as I was when she was gone.  
Of course I want to see her, but I’m just not ecstatic.  

What. The. Fuck.",0.2457575757575761,1.7028709494949543,2.4070707070707087,97.39727272727276,81.92929292929294,6.016161616161617,15.040404040404045,6.937597516519254,-0.6035777777777778,340,4,87,4,9,115,56,99,0.18100000000000002,0.722,0.09699999999999999,-0.8234,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,1,14,24,13,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,3,0,0,10,2,15,5,9,14,1,19,0,1,2,3,12,1,2,0,13,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34647176650143585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881387600910484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082791142807862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24335435982543555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100664448244724,0.0,0.0,0.19937660864128245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066702193537169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35965235175913296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150670063792308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443280254955285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590576116443326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443582181140397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135507712405196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288324411103486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emersinning,2019/07/20,"MODs take this down if needed... but: I’m not gonna outright name the subreddit, but DAE get notifications from certain toxic BPD subreddits despite not following them? I got a “now trending on” notif about a really hurtful subreddit and the things that get posted there always end up sending me into a spiral when I see them. How can anyone be so hateful? How can hundreds of people agree that everyone like us is a monster? How can people say we don’t deserve love? How can people say we don’t deserve treatment? 
It just sucks that there’s entire forums dedicating to hating and demonizing us, and then those subreddits show up in my feed EVERY DAY despite me not following them and I don’t know how to get that to stop

(Like I said mods pls delete if this breaks rules)",4.869232186732186,6.433306033783783,5.762678132678134,77.71106879606883,69.74324324324324,8.354791154791156,28.995085995086,8.841846274778883,2.4200729729729726,615,23,109,11,11,202,97,148,0.136,0.763,0.10099999999999999,-0.8305,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,4,0,3,0,12,8,3,0,6,0,9,2,0,5,1,25,26,16,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,9,7,1,1,1,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,2,4,14,4,12,22,0,17,1,1,1,1,13,6,1,2,8,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143612877906374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206824467892113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737737809767585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130950556979947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286795344725887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541874321648873,0.16492193222798546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27052131358029663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803999951201446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408036876430265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476653213062186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485370591846858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686424114121121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577373865094346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797701590194144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589669528061715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652983136975584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056878548557858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641773821288725,0.2745089651025117,0.0,0.0,0.13753588016797325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442971599570258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976997077740635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466445809253578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152211014414398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,willisway,2019/07/20,"Chicken or egg situation about BPD So I've been reading up on ""The Borderline Personality - Vision and Healing"", and so far it's a very interesting read. Today however, I started to wonder about something  and would like to know if anybody here has gotten the same idea.

​

In the book is made mention of the coniunctio, which is basically the phenomenon that people with borderline can receive, as well send emotions, personality traits, and thoughts. This can lead to people with borderline picking up on certain thoughts that can promote splitting behavior or emotional pain and detachment, as well as them picking up personality traits and emotions others carry around them. The same goes the other way around, where people feel that being in a relationship with a borderline is now giving them borderline too. Therapists can feel like they are losing part of themselves in treating a borderline patient, and need to have a therapist of their own in order to help them with these intrusive traits. 

​

Another point made is that people with borderline have a strong air around them, where they seem to act out on a certain authority that can make other people feel overwhelmed by them all the more. I've found it mentioned several times that this air is noticeable before ever having interacted with the borderline, or witnessed them for longer times.

​

The third point being made, which I think is another important argument that may play a role, is the western detachment from the previous way of thinking which  was a lot more spiritual. Folklore and myths no longer are as integrated in society. A point which is also expressed in the book, is that borderline patients would -in a previous society- be shamans, or be labeled reincarnated members of the tribe. The borderline qualities would be useful in a setting with more emphasis on the spiritual and symbolism.

​

Now here is the thought that I got today, which had me wonder about the start of the borderline personality disorder. If people with borderline only get it after the hardships they've been put through, then there should be a very high number of people with borderline being mentioned in lore as well. After all, people with borderline are kind of legendary in being a behavioral anomaly. Perhaps I've not done enough research on the topic, perhaps I simply entered the wrong keywords on search engines - who knows. 

Now I was thinking, it could be that people with borderline are born that way. What if... Borderlines are born with the air of authority over them, with the ""there's something odd about this kid"" feel to them. Now if the parents were more tribal-focused, the child could be raised as a shaman-to-be, or a reincarnation of a passed elder. But if the parents feel that there's something odd about their child, and to find later on that there is indeed something odd about their child, but they do not know what, this can influence their behavior towards the child from an early impressionable age. The different behavior towards the borderline child compared to behavior towards children that they feel they can resonate with well, can amplify the negative effects of borderline. Maybe borderline is caused by shortcoming parents not knowing how to deal with people with borderline on top of their other flaws, rather than caused by parents who are ""only"" flawed  but not necessarily related to borderline. This challenges the idea that the parents of a person with borderline do not provide the first event in the chain of events leading to a person with borderline, but rather that the parents partake in the second event, following the first event which is that the child is born with borderline.

​

TlDr: what if borderline with all its qualities is not caused by a parent's treatment of a child, but rather has the negative qualities being added because the parent's reaction to their child showing positive/neutral qualities of borderline has them feel that there is something wrong with their child and they act damaging in response.

​

I hope I'm making any sense here, but if I do, I'd love to know other people's ideas regarding this.",12.37564605486552,10.593445538781168,10.670234116700922,60.044907068179825,54.83102493074792,14.136073630596016,46.420516486462326,12.69935952727275,6.063587918863371,3397,167,505,87,31,1051,281,722,0.048,0.882,0.07,0.3991,10,0,5,0,0,0,100.0,0,0,23,10,36,22,0,1,63,0,64,4,0,16,6,123,103,40,0,18,27,8,7,2,0,5,2,0,0,17,46,36,1,0,27,6,0,10,9,6,4,4,16,7,31,16,106,69,13,84,0,3,0,1,63,43,0,18,28,393,77,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03534336753556963,0.0,0.2873168032457449,0.3222164272777536,0.030054661445982917,0.092686305487931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803090365202933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026941351179252317,0.0,0.037607373012276527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055663066485341375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620379132442134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057350458900558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045563932060656384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461752073339909,0.05065221895919689,0.0,0.0,0.045227650724395614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914298868922768,0.0,0.04566607858023532,0.0,0.0,0.03997763389448821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642708083412135,0.031573490354554916,0.0,0.0,0.040394163089195904,0.07518585457681229,0.0,0.04845841659624393,0.0,0.0,0.02309048285106556,0.0423966412156411,0.0,0.0,0.035347420866494964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0296235150125801,0.04669529218132256,0.0,0.043896404366701815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967504550535496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602312758792596,0.12144428700736976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043183673668483975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944379849013799,0.0,0.03757369108785597,0.03988843755076262,0.1254574116713896,0.05900208311659914,0.0,0.044400624237162185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03277062777684465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050317214421180013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722579914453929,0.04702745022019241,0.0,0.39259367035357795,0.047859747588156885,0.0,0.3370378538381184,0.2315404217859021,0.0,0.0,0.12533795698960626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442898878156209,0.0,0.0,0.08841552563359595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744975239497989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040234198995306746,0.0,0.04992867733440738,0.0,0.0,0.049677934084248906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012044105386614,0.0,0.0,0.06256403339970465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262946689537007,0.0,0.08495665766722113,0.0,0.10525959212401992,0.05154185605752967,0.0,0.0837849067589149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03817098354532527,0.0,0.07293233174588543,0.0,0.10524171336370372,0.0,0.0,0.15894933769656275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585692575036088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418629081919988,0.09664234478758876,0.3222164272777536,0.0
bpd,kp0003,2019/07/20,"Heart ache My heart aches
I’ve lost the love of this life 
Someone honest and kind 
It pained me to hurt him 
It’s pains me to see him go 
This journey felt safer
with his love",-1.2825438596491203,0.7259303947368458,-0.3884210526315783,109.12771929824562,100.31578947368422,2.533333333333333,11.596491228070176,3.1291,-2.145277192982456,137,2,35,0,6,41,31,38,0.27,0.425,0.304,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,2,6,4,4,4,0,2,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511212964259466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273262636586863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5309734905618678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398378877437159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333016605108236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824504442832926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445645286856272,0.0,0.40440705373602737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767855989361032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785297077781362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898271255337628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weewoowaabahh,2019/07/20,"Have you been able to shorten to duration of episodes? I've been dealing with mental health crap a long time now (I'm 34). I was hospitalized last year for a week and that was the first time 'borderline' came up as a diagnosis. At first it didn't seem to fit but over time it seems fairly accurate. I'm working as hard as I can on handling this and getting myself under control- therapy once a week, support groups a few times a month, DBT mostly through a workbook. I have seen vast improvements- I feel much much more aware- I'm at a place now where I can name my triggers, I can see myself slipping as it's happening when I start losing control. 

I am still having a lot of trouble with what to \*DO\* when i start going into an episode. Over the last 2 weeks I've had 3 episodes. One was right before leaving for the airport and while I still cried and talked to myself a lot I managed to get in the car (not driving- as a passenger) and go to the airport and not miss my flight. I think in part having tasks to do once I got to the airport (along with maybe the movement of the car ride?) helped ground me. The next one was with extended family in a public place and I tried to sit with them and control myself but couldn't really and was just sitting there crying silently and feeling crazy and a lot of the family was young kids and I didn't want to freak them out so I said I'd just go sit outside until they were done. I did that but it was still a few hours until I felt 'okay' again. For those few hours I felt extremely dissassociative - like I am not 'real' and not really 'here' and the world feels extremely alien and basically like I'm in a fucking nightmare without end and I can't help but think about suicide just to get out of here.

 Last night I had another with my ex (who I co parent with and am on mostly good terms with). Right when I felt it all welling up in me I went inside and had this clear moment where I was talking to myself and basically saying ""Okay! This is IT! This is the moment where you freak out and everything goes to shit! Do it different this time!"" But that's the thing-- I don't know how the hell to do it different or what to DO with all this intense fucking emotion! I tried to breath and calm myself down but then a little impulse pops up that's like 'you need to go bang on his door and tell him this one thing' and then I feel almost out of body where I know I am acting crazy but feel unable to control myself. From there I ended up hoping in my car for a drive- realized pretty quick that was an awful idea - I could tell I was in no state to drive- so I pulled over and just sobbed in my car for I dunno an hour? I came back (I live with my ex- yeah I know this is not helping things but I'm saving to move out). I came back and thought I was 'done' but I kept having waves of pain and then this record going on and on about killing myself - to the point where I was a total mess and really confused and very suicidal feeling. I basically went to my ex and begged for help because I felt afraid of myself. He held me and I eventually calmed down and we were able to talk like rational humans. 

Today I am totally exhausted from last night, I basically wasted my whole night and spent 6 hours with my brain soaking in a cortisol bath. I'm posting all this because I would LOVE to hear from people either with the same struggles or who are now on the other side! How did you gain the ability to control yourself and handle your emotions? What do you DO when you feel yourself being triggered?",3.0159761053118217,4.482457739251044,4.023601722753487,88.74482273645279,74.24271844660194,6.945918193542108,24.29960824391075,7.5412164511997375,0.9966878409616272,2774,84,588,34,57,897,307,721,0.132,0.767,0.10099999999999999,-0.981,3,0,0,0,0,2,62.0,1,7,3,10,34,32,6,3,40,4,55,11,5,9,6,135,112,64,3,6,22,4,12,4,0,1,3,3,2,2,33,57,0,7,21,1,1,22,12,18,1,5,41,17,83,14,100,67,21,130,1,3,2,3,39,49,6,13,58,423,116,2,0.11619557760969765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058176543279850675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092059720140752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934722685689131,0.0,0.07083174562251217,0.0,0.04943693916858751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645335461532379,0.0,0.0648563463985713,0.0,0.1993451788956296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258080514994601,0.04638635690057071,0.0,0.1276353858802668,0.0,0.05989626919245345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213996476341084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890841813759112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070438531373071,0.10291479308756007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221454641075028,0.0,0.10953884942883953,0.0,0.20563191364075686,0.0,0.22313195281033346,0.0,0.0,0.09883589895627047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742093914957238,0.09106109025818976,0.0,0.16509156120931995,0.048729668818587285,0.04646610904124916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137568276923379,0.0,0.052044207200452296,0.0,0.0,0.06175523272446989,0.06548043040174124,0.0,0.1557668927482483,0.0,0.0,0.0577042132586062,0.22885847625769,0.0,0.0,0.06558533187351605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427659540902526,0.0,0.09578707601611952,0.18942980833811648,0.0,0.061517169685863814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353457990953375,0.05822924721921846,0.05130141191551468,0.05141471486149645,0.0,0.0649965648337872,0.0,0.14817798733588206,0.0524355226854938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058367037728036864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854890636952721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637310073879362,0.061748755094899015,0.08541711917764151,0.04307877424438647,0.0,0.0,0.06178765749900041,0.1635625174236085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374449794091474,0.11810569583027347,0.0,0.06182014348703625,0.0,0.06451071905802418,0.06291424368746247,0.0,0.04027769156346302,0.0,0.1213996476341084,0.0,0.0549211892854758,0.0,0.055641621962892386,0.059106337746629774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612800288457626,0.11165679356187372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923038839683199,0.055264301413178805,0.0462016935321113,0.0,0.0,0.046296415731390934,0.1057800898551738,0.0,0.0,0.059636545320518465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822438278874998,0.0,0.13919090756257654,0.0,0.0,0.06073642324117074,0.0,0.12709910259962184,0.06592868224579644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009040580863386,0.1015600563582728,0.0,0.06643988477084528,0.0,0.1157927680031566,0.07445343436050655,0.0,0.04612315472506599,0.16938643931074346,0.0,0.05506991059085831,0.0,0.0,0.07888916991895206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793676025666014,0.03426758109890347,0.0,0.13980762532395435,0.0,0.05223688939950084,0.1077144645578674,0.0,0.06486410640896294,0.0,0.056004195183445994,0.0,0.04229588219125504,0.0,0.0,0.041271002259970685,0.0,0.0,0.03741307117949436
bpd,NEXUS20614,2019/07/20,"I have a huge crush but I can't do anything with it and it's been killing me for months. I have had multiple relationships in the past few years that went wrong, so after the last one ended (with me breaking up) last December I decided to not have any relationships until I'm ready for such things. I'm currently in therapy, I'll start with medication next August. Which means I'm on the right way. But I know I'm not ready. But this crush... It's been here for a while now. At first I ignored it, him and me not really having any contact. But through my best friend and us having a similar class, we got closer. I fell for him harder than ever. 

Then we ended up snapchatting, which I abandoned for years but installed again for him. He ended up coming over my place (which I'm REALLY protective about) to cook me dinner. Since school ended for now, we don't really see each other any more, and I suck at online contact so that's to a minimal. But damn, it keeps growing every day. Even when we don't talk for days, even if I meet other nice, sweet people, at the end of the day he's on my mind.

But I believe he friendzoned me.. I can't ask him on a date after that?! I'm dying of social anxiety every day.. I can't even ask him out as friends, let alone on a date. So this will be.. my first crush since.. primary school, that I will have to drop. 

And even aside that, what if this **is** some kind of BPD-related crush again? So many doubts. This is the reason I've been harming myself lately. I mean, not the ONLY reason, but a big one.

Just needed to vent. I have noone to talk to about this, so I don;t know. Enjoy your day. Hope it's better than mine.",0.5386863673960463,2.782850703812315,2.3883284457477987,93.51274907887812,85.95014662756597,5.491570794796601,17.247988570569213,6.900799576094004,-0.040021941499361,1274,29,281,17,39,421,167,341,0.127,0.75,0.12300000000000001,0.4142,1,1,0,0,0,0,64.0,5,1,0,4,20,17,3,1,14,0,23,3,0,2,1,46,44,25,2,4,15,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,23,15,2,4,7,1,0,4,9,8,0,4,6,2,39,9,44,34,5,63,0,1,1,0,26,19,2,5,37,191,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422871072616773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561027097567134,0.0,0.06960009274122808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486947835368657,0.0,0.17010960574218656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102504249880693,0.09547877736514784,0.08046515853712019,0.0,0.0,0.11458718167285545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837193672759428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933755722021633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442374676737432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029100936562898,0.0,0.0,0.24036794415933005,0.08229737754611471,0.15331056150745126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477651019982686,0.0,0.0,0.14058314090945587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276568813474521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036450162653192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808679499409239,0.100656818322023,0.09474254321686484,0.100001379421729,0.14832305352616826,0.10263034913774836,0.0,0.0,0.09303407192668443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224029064818913,0.0,0.19820961104139764,0.0,0.0916536235328892,0.0,0.0,0.09186471157811356,0.0,0.07262003761073826,0.0,0.0,0.06746113923830817,0.0,0.0,0.09675915433671196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233019420971043,0.06919502774525385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868515054368306,0.06307465814477023,0.0,0.09505561237728732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748539653112842,0.18708691047517825,0.0,0.1953587447233944,0.0,0.07769713931893495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841549324257321,0.07249994928295682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505205802340645,0.0,0.0,0.09274350778231316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439670605684727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625390404709335,0.0,0.0,0.10404451835319342,0.0,0.060443626682096775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943874703441857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221635511789536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434014916829947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947326493755468,0.0,0.11717735466911496
bpd,nicholasalonzo15,2019/07/20,"How to deal with boundaries when married to someone with BPD? My wife has BPD and the first couple years of our marriage were very troublesome. She was very codependent on me to meet her needs and would resort to self destructive or abuse toward me type behavior if things didn't go her way. Anyway fast forward and after reading books on marriage I have set personal boundaries and it has helped our marriage. However, one thing my wife seems to not be moving past is working. I told her she must get and hold down a job in order to help support our household but it seems like no matter what she won't get used to working. She complains of anxiety and depression and keeps trying to find ways out of working. What should I do?",6.047114308553156,6.945006165467633,5.629016786570748,82.2135651478817,66.4820143884892,8.479936051159072,31.9912070343725,8.515128840125781,2.4499010391686653,583,23,107,8,9,179,97,139,0.139,0.807,0.054000000000000006,-0.932,2,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,3,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,2,0,13,0,0,2,1,26,23,12,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,10,0,2,3,2,0,3,4,3,0,2,4,0,17,2,20,14,0,19,0,1,0,0,23,7,0,4,8,75,23,7,0.0,0.17824174449278238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508292419147312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378937079604216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645427753079262,0.0,0.0,0.15509263539134094,0.1295700766305235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749553483643687,0.12796055787003502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719292325618184,0.0,0.08549609401064434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016678019245477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492842526568524,0.13371419183552913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349530047372685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988937689977178,0.0,0.11154619005606294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193914617169003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360792956503365,0.0,0.13135467971535472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047644331672627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739020831975085,0.15693727861580176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746370861796494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707126873716397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988563329005435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374778992199425,0.0,0.10213598803001177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299281726968391,0.0,0.24825046970588385,0.0,0.2388177657267475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285570165062928,0.0,0.0,0.10686522870354848,0.0,0.0,0.0968756799971555
bpd,Babyhandgrenade,2019/07/20,"How do you know the difference between whether it's your BPD talking or whether your relationship with someone is really over? I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to stigmatize anybody because honestly I have it but how do you know the difference between your BPD telling you negative things and whether your relationship with someone really is over? How do you know whether to throw in the towel or save the relationship? I just want to know other people's experiences with this. Thank you for your input.",7.317333333333334,8.751371844444446,7.1733333333333364,70.35000000000002,63.88888888888889,10.888888888888893,39.444444444444436,10.864195022040775,4.770444444444443,406,22,66,11,6,129,49,90,0.066,0.809,0.125,0.6976,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,10,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,3,0,23,15,11,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,12,3,12,15,0,4,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,0,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924613957906092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101015148829705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401990525026459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592572941636759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578996934257683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734545122270293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287044710526906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859772448829067,0.0,0.0,0.5243840278668694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758930852131229,0.0,0.0,0.1822500318918526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085876345772368,0.14230121593652956,0.1498915722249006,0.0,0.0,0.10816228528125436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602827395793168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paxfell,2019/07/20,"I was approved disability (ssi) for BPD! I just wanted to make this post to hopefully reassure some of you folks that BPD can be seen as a real struggle and not just a hopeless disorder. 

As I'm sure many of you can relate--I've dealt with this diagnosis for eight years and have had a terrible time with the stigma. Being seen as a child, inflexible and thought to be impossible to treat by a gazillion therapists... I had simply lost hope in the validation I so desperately longed for.

My dad stepped in about a year ago... after seeing me struggle financially so badly for so long. I'm so fortunate to have him (and my mom! But she wasn't as empathetic, not that I blame her). After a lot of tenacity, getting a disability lawyer and pouring our heats out to the judge (3rd appeal), I was found fully favorable! I'll finally feel a little more secure in this world. 

The hardships are real. And there is hope... even when I totally lost it all at many points... it still found a way back into my life. 

Stay determined!",4.248153846153844,5.864798533333335,5.6974358974358985,77.36923076923078,71.35897435897436,9.302564102564103,28.384615384615394,9.725611199111238,2.746446153846154,794,30,151,20,15,268,124,195,0.102,0.727,0.171,0.9242,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,2,0,3,12,15,0,2,14,0,14,1,0,1,3,31,31,16,0,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,12,4,17,8,29,16,5,25,0,3,3,0,10,9,0,5,12,107,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325966727437972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824661127273317,0.1066819268288524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32184161420275603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464345475565241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439033714488614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460393550431387,0.0,0.0,0.13996488934964632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801846179845642,0.0,0.0,0.06675412210235528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807108698223629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024714910724746,0.0,0.12805828266866212,0.0,0.2261434039933496,0.0,0.0,0.2789503022526785,0.10862478618974264,0.0,0.0,0.08528691855564678,0.2590757849468696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496417172199103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078317199500548,0.0,0.12236755399982567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908585939236475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181549265022304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361849436723641,0.1020366307126904,0.0,0.0,0.2671441733196335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042093831545245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834986363477046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143445549135534,0.07450323526880209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753615716551175,0.10141722644570793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645583232965164
bpd,Rufashaw,2019/07/20,"DAE feel like partners just don't get how obsessed with them you are. I was thinking about this when a partner was telling me how she would be really hurt if i cheated on her (i haven't done anything to suggest i would and she knows that she was just mentioning it as like a ""relationship housecleaning"" type thing). And it just made me think that she really doesn't get it I can't love in a way that would allow anyone else romantically hell i can barely love in a way that allows anything but my so at all. I wish it wasn't true but literally every waking moment I'm thinking about them. Like I'm honest to God obsessed through the whole relationship. I physically couldn't cheat. All I can think about is them. And it hurts me every time i love because i know they can never feel like that and that's not their fault. How fucked is it that I don't feel loved without someone as sick as me there.",2.7351923076923086,4.665224208791209,3.693502747252752,88.84212225274727,76.14285714285714,6.528021978021977,23.46291208791209,7.413659706084162,0.8565153846153848,714,22,150,9,16,229,100,182,0.166,0.652,0.182,-0.1837,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,5,0,12,19,4,2,5,0,21,7,1,6,4,37,41,15,0,6,8,0,3,4,2,3,1,0,0,2,15,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,6,3,28,10,15,30,3,10,1,2,0,5,22,4,2,1,8,105,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654721782213469,0.12682337463595522,0.20371458142669235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545284084125789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666605728222907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339915738530843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857362407576974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775494255084504,0.1768515266123589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114429129953492,0.12933594279792138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650100280197324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604835774834986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418832548204337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468515197919145,0.117120061427944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546385899011364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585884445724502,0.0,0.0,0.2657786977048619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487519784689613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818588050997348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223142714636192,0.3172432407823017,0.0,0.0,0.07217491498285977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649561982394964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819174027613965,0.14233655573548254,0.11931586856942472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637812470252927,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Asphyxia-666,2019/07/20,Question for the Sertealine Queens (and Kings) Does having a cold or being ill make it seem like your meds aren't working as they should?,11.496923076923075,7.9375163846153844,8.165384615384614,82.82961538461541,58.23076923076921,10.4,37.53846153846154,3.1291,2.2018153846153847,110,3,22,0,1,30,26,26,0.10300000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.092,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,13,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802098588197991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122613432449052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900138027329749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826010613421264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867086928580703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955274944271058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31630119298623216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Adnamaeel,2019/07/20,"This information could for splitting too Saw this information/advice for toddlers in a tantrum, and thought how fitting it also was to explain splitting and how to best handle it",16.40451612903226,11.126641709677422,13.629032258064516,52.56354838709679,51.25806451612904,14.980645161290324,60.03225806451614,11.20814326018867,7.1069096774193525,147,9,21,2,1,45,23,31,0.08199999999999999,0.794,0.124,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490840752405198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016883149083182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271317928524689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010448651646178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987692848423136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VegetableLaw7,2019/07/20,"is this real what do i do please help seriously. please could someone just reply and give some input. i need some help quickly. i know there are only 190 active at the moment and more people become active later on.

im close to giving up again.

i lost my fp a week ago yesterday. they abandoned me. i tried to overdose but was taken to hospital.

they friendshipgroup i was in with them abandoned me too. what do i do.

i had to use 4mg xanax last night just to get sleep.

im crying my eyes out writing this post.

i thought they were the best things that ever happened to me. now theyre gone. psychiatrist keeps telling me that ill find new friends but i know, i fucking know ill never find anyone whos like them ever again because they were the best people i ever found.

i know theyre talking to everyone about me and everything they know about me theyre going to tell anyone so how do i stop them fromdoing that

i cant sleep. cant eat. no sex drive anymore. i keep getting told that the fp's are going to invade me.i know theyre going to do it. i keep getting told that there are messages in news papers that i need to solve to get co-ordinates and thats where i can find my fps again and thats where i can apologise to them and ask them to come back. im going to start work on where they are and what i need to do. i think its something to do with the page numbers corresponding with any column lines that theyve given me meaningful hints to. i dont know if this is real or not???? i had an email last night from dominos and it said 'tick tock tick tock', but i dont think it was from dominos.

i need to stay away from everyone but dont know how but also dont want to stay away from everyone because i need my fp again.

i dont know if its the government or police trying to contact me? i dont know if the fp has said something to authorities about me and now theyre trying to contact me? why newspapers?

i cant ask anyone in real life not even doctors because i know theyll just play me off

please help me",1.5767945672696264,3.4414324703087904,3.138764845605703,91.78604360801512,79.40380047505937,5.9331506181862474,21.246178208173454,6.900799576094004,0.3870997137462693,1574,44,345,17,39,518,179,421,0.06,0.812,0.127,0.9794,0,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,12,4,28,10,1,0,9,0,35,11,3,3,4,76,85,23,0,10,15,0,0,1,1,1,5,2,0,0,21,15,1,6,19,1,0,7,13,5,0,0,17,4,59,5,44,66,6,49,0,3,2,2,33,15,1,7,25,220,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054948721084740366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049571870721452284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421540417810464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614755503403356,0.1300305874881685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590103376477533,0.0,0.1164797433799888,0.04766503178283233,0.0,0.1133621330543892,0.06846099947735197,0.0,0.0,0.13010539823352393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339726963239379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949246336423865,0.0,0.06809103022684075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344745923016064,0.0,0.0,0.4358976331706374,0.0,0.0,0.06342931386209608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409425633115074,0.16821538840400524,0.0,0.17769689219796275,0.05571091799370436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996803390709547,0.0,0.0,0.0679667652058828,0.04789186151544946,0.05730701062392452,0.12954492009138252,0.11892929077855527,0.1409170901247768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054815882668245636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464797433697232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087339432066764,0.0,0.0,0.16529364621765374,0.0,0.0,0.3747374971138486,0.10105716934577404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437840366683549,0.03028426035262585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766734674336171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298169977690545,0.04780905337277997,0.059868504782483525,0.0,0.11634328772865242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047144752420458735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594950357380927,0.0,0.0,0.20413299668314155,0.0,0.0,0.05936747614019645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116681269320522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792977917644325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240657580230044,0.0,0.052522326086381764,0.0954429540706501,0.0,0.0,0.0438755046810623,0.13214215909120144,0.0,0.05182483722441855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982369630814034,0.10836068414159047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041182147159664124,0.0794389583197421,0.0,0.04921163673979653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846459479864185,0.0,0.1262575769989245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353782600696511,0.0,0.0,0.03656219447787007,0.0,0.049723124331714025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593462939037235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045128083766006834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,niceiphonecover,2019/07/20,"one sentence is recreating a paranoid-filled, stress-inducing, mental warground.    I witnessed a chain of events that scarred me for one reason or another. For weeks, I felt afraid. Ever since then I haven't been the same. I lost the ability to speak freely, accused random strangers of recording my conversations, and felt constant fear.

   Fast forward a few months, and I hear half a sentence discussing someone who was related to this topic. I barely slept last night, and I have urges to restart the destructive coping habits I developed. Does anyone have any tips?",5.834240362811791,8.721306551020408,4.791360544217689,80.10522675736964,70.22448979591837,7.620861678004537,33.337868480725625,8.515128840125781,3.0677650793650795,454,22,71,8,9,134,75,98,0.124,0.794,0.083,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,7,0,6,1,1,1,1,10,11,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,6,4,10,0,7,5,2,10,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,10,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609060867096882,0.22526620052818835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021294020202688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23215306980263145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879976903231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432449370184315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417415598388057,0.0,0.0,0.4125377092073018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421271038559341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511373472765515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345104634149703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649639512462493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714738970073263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160180377653192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29114642756444625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208792688197112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777081871734146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202331882264755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608508827456574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232230153333694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NuScorpi,2019/07/20,"She is gone She desperately tried to help me but this past year it all went to shit. Due to long distance I was extremely paranoid and as a result hurt her on many ocassions. She tried to push me to go to therapy but I CANT. In the end she stopped talking to me and only told me to seek professional help. I have been in so much hurt and pain that it's insane. And one day after she's gone I find out I most likely have BPD, and not just depression. If only I knew earlier maybe I could talk and explain it all to her. She was everything to me. I wanna die",1.7133898305084756,3.2180335593220377,3.612000000000002,90.18342372881357,77.81355932203391,7.092881355932204,22.81694915254237,7.908726449838941,0.9312650847457632,432,13,99,7,10,146,74,118,0.249,0.684,0.068,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,8,2,1,1,2,22,15,11,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,5,0,1,8,0,21,1,17,6,4,17,0,3,0,0,14,4,1,2,9,70,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223759999546716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418492400073276,0.0,0.0,0.114577768550746,0.0,0.15302065619123606,0.0,0.1843858730567939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735645306521326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967181345084544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238052420106466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096982843193326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381671770646218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803832717792658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679703985613292,0.0,0.0,0.15722593270106522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012213139645694,0.1784861001468124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060255480868238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203888694397179,0.27024103657801696,0.18904567973675349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959918669315271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236824781283945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853400445408035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855971586482912,0.0,0.0,0.2031728247406916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976436004300166,0.0,0.2412426744742828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469513835803873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440897858236485
bpd,advic-e,2019/07/20,I don't want to live Everything feels too fucking much. I want the quickest way out. I hate people. I hate even attempting to trust people only to be treated like complete garbage.,1.9182352941176468,4.7510237647058835,2.6796470588235297,87.96241176470592,90.76470588235294,5.072941176470589,27.388235294117646,6.742157984588678,1.666077647058824,144,7,25,2,5,45,26,34,0.255,0.595,0.15,-0.4667,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,3,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860607990826474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802039946732582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452052132885913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795284677561412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522302318651244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.538733315515658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332926971315033,0.0,0.24091703395817934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005640608431904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750221839824606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782968781495589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218486077094694,0.21656258231107733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kscopesz,2019/07/20,"Ingred Goes West? I have never stalked anyone... This, I think, is a deeply immersed type of life. I assume it greatly deals with something they've seen, seen microbits of it, and then blame themselves for it, in micro (one multiple times a day/hour) also why does anything with sexuality or anything about a browner person?!
This is all underground, because why would the govt say you can't talk about tutorials, when they don't impact the economic front?
I AM HERE AND OFFER REAL LIFE FICTION.",5.460904761904764,7.442649122222222,5.682063492063495,77.225,68.8888888888889,7.80952380952381,30.63492063492064,8.418075326091056,2.508825396825397,391,16,65,6,7,124,70,90,0.04,0.96,0.0,-0.4993,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,2,11,10,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,6,1,8,7,1,7,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,2,4,41,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824198441156475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584718786940935,0.0,0.36683264283076794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586933650524274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374313653490164,0.22978584765336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504918366815813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573278209833835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194979740330616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148621775913346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190354977495315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510334327159764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946156008340908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25369325003585863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772480231979885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158865788267064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914745543058488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281645381168698,0.0,0.0,0.12996671433053994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022401896384724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583319356225606,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lesbothrowawayacct,2019/07/20,"how to break up I've been trying to find advice for initiating a break up with someone when you have Borderline Personality Disorder but all of the results are just guides to ""escaping relationships with Borderlines"", etc. and nothing is from the perspective of someone with BPD who has, after careful, logical processing and attempts to detach, decided that a breakup would be best. 

​

I'm currently seeing someone who I'm completely infatuated with and want to spend all of my time with. I know this is my BPD and that she's my FP right now. I know that we don't work together well at all and we realistically don't have a  romantic future. I've never actually split on her (at least visibly) because I've been doing a better job at controlling/coping with my meltdowns lately (despite not having access to any therapy right now), but I do know that my emotional intensity scares her. She's a very quiet person who can't really handle confrontation and has never dumped someone before so I think this is why we're still together.

​

What I'm saying is, I have no idea how to handle a breakup with someone that would be for the best, when I am this attached to this person. How do I even do this...? Every other relationship I've had, I've been the one who's dumped and it has shattered my world for weeks. This is uncharted territory for me.

​

I know it's not fair for this person for me to prolong this. But I'm so worried that I'm going to break up with her, then shortly after try to change my mind after panicking about being lonely forever or whatever, then put her through hell until she's forced to cut off contact. 

​

Does anyone have any advice? Any coping mechanisms or comfort that will ease this? I feel so lost",7.2289048219350756,7.320608392215573,7.835250551528523,70.19775764260955,63.88023952095809,10.983674755751656,34.9442168294989,10.65788864234165,3.829649101796409,1409,58,245,33,19,469,169,334,0.134,0.758,0.10800000000000001,-0.9034,2,2,0,0,0,0,51.0,2,1,0,6,15,14,5,1,10,0,32,0,0,4,5,48,48,23,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,24,17,0,0,10,0,1,2,8,8,1,1,5,4,28,6,44,37,7,35,1,2,1,0,22,12,1,2,18,179,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0758318638528769,0.0,0.0,0.15187084739462622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367866324439431,0.3776952278289713,0.1585324508166713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433528723770655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737011637319415,0.0,0.0661238415337378,0.0,0.1630996441857488,0.06872647036819253,0.0,0.0,0.19574118013279546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922855326128124,0.0,0.08220483114700684,0.0,0.08147542977479241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906017707476603,0.0,0.06800285308304754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741111613703363,0.0,0.0,0.08666503588689375,0.05132544536064237,0.0,0.06547239795539651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039291533533232934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102376542296708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416328525006598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772294896641933,0.0,0.0,0.0771132659300982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082528549136713,0.0,0.08765808428301093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482753465022813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846299557395657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986650361673755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456298606922382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052656997288882214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140674700194045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811807043095532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497817775386731,0.0,0.0,0.16685876501698338,0.0,0.1327245292292,0.0,0.06179657383903798,0.07779933133279128,0.0,0.06192326848883284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292089649163174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205776267295776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886594692129875,0.0,0.0,0.04979219160907193,0.0,0.0,0.04531219877004255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551735318119096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641172935088639,0.04583423125370531,0.0,0.06233272405615425,0.0,0.06986888458221413,0.0,0.07011944373635358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056572398262902,0.07891631406150199,0.0,0.11040316246402472,0.0,0.3776952278289713,0.0
bpd,nuclearimplosion,2019/07/20,What are some movies/shows that have characters that you feel accurately portray BPD? (Regardless of whether or not the character is written to have BPD),7.7142307692307694,10.191765807692311,6.272307692307695,73.24769230769233,64.0,11.353846153846154,39.92307692307692,11.20814326018867,5.25206153846154,125,7,20,4,2,37,23,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9804424022834909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680623924199425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,washie,2019/07/20,"You know those holier than thou types You're scrolling Facebook, and there it is: 

The ""I'm strong and the rest of you are just playing a victim!"" posts.

What is the point of these posts? To shit on those who know we've made bad decisions? 

It just infuriates me that people can't be happy without shitting in and blaming those of us who are still struggling.",2.6118571428571435,5.011865614285718,2.6385714285714315,93.95642857142859,78.57142857142857,5.142857142857143,22.857142857142854,6.1826913282559595,0.3080000000000003,283,9,58,2,7,85,53,70,0.243,0.6679999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9315,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,3,0,1,4,8,3,1,4,0,6,2,2,1,0,10,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,8,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,1,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075220798032414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559462865278137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642722939227089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22750430663178484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668654665264718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272876876676998,0.0,0.4605383007381666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936037497634896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201076995270008,0.0,0.0,0.2513536464758083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892122977708501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317696355184763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cosmicspells,2019/07/20,"DAE feel anxious if their FP goes out without texting them all night? Especially with FP, it feels like I make all the effort to let them know when I go out that everythings okay, what I'm doing etc. Even if it's busy I make sure to shoot a text every half an hour to let them know what I'm doing but when the other person doesn't see that as necessary I just lose it. I start to imagine every possible scenario plus I get into a downhill spiral of 'they don't care about me if they did they'd find a way to text me and let me know everything is okay'. They know it makes me anxious to not hear from them but nothing changes because they function without BPD and everything is fine to them. Meanwhile especially if it's late at night, I cant sleep, my anxiety is over the roof, I feel like going on an explosive rant, crying, can't calm myself down. I hate feeling this way but there's no way to stop it when it happens. I've resorted to drinking but it just seems to make it worse. I've also realized that I get very passive aggressive because they do understand that I'm upset but I don't wanna vent all my chaotic emotions because to them it's probably nothing and I don't want to come across as dramatic. They try to explain and I just respond with things like 'whatever' 'have fun' 'let's talk later' 'no everything is okay'. I hate being this way. It ruins my day everytime they go out to the point where I'm now resenting them for going out and if they mention they'll be going out later that day I start to get anxious even before that time comes because I know what's going to happen.",2.7968836628039107,4.4564838803681015,4.17655760054533,86.62398659395593,75.22699386503069,7.160917973187913,26.184503521926835,7.921354282810032,1.5237851851851856,1259,46,257,19,27,416,158,326,0.18600000000000005,0.741,0.07400000000000001,-0.9917,0,0,1,1,0,0,19.0,0,0,18,2,13,18,4,1,9,3,23,2,1,4,4,58,64,22,0,7,16,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,24,16,1,1,15,1,0,8,11,7,0,1,1,6,42,11,39,55,4,41,0,2,1,0,24,13,0,6,19,170,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475136342400939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194152577960309,0.2744178178358357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743327735660424,0.0,0.06889916969257336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197838232759804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255390807657348,0.0,0.08565510532017635,0.13949628938738814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894130844703789,0.1044373928421605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793193869092422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107990679382837,0.0,0.0,0.09030251230847564,0.10695932019150804,0.0,0.13644076787665008,0.0,0.29108103811256386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376265949439148,0.11568940319310128,0.0,0.0,0.07400475157792781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690982928158928,0.0,0.27610135292033583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432023076152913,0.0,0.0,0.15988144240795515,0.0,0.0,0.09125862890514408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973875029707303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249388533421088,0.0,0.09133724060571326,0.0,0.0,0.33118762562881565,0.0,0.118672976402619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058427615524643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619135883481366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196897748710508,0.0,0.1553850384614227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069953546125654,0.0,0.0,0.07654244789293768,0.09128106310913876,0.0,0.0,0.08729892833911022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452229157548316,0.07371168688431069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102807972855353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146214055539302,0.0,0.0,0.06769421489789088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631289395686948,0.0,0.0,0.0650803009816563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379260734984676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047214027494271886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054973046436153666,0.0,0.0,0.08429221377743168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680840349303929,0.0477579705538802,0.25707961274565155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610361856269805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825149443599255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tundragal1,2019/07/20,"I can't keep up I just keep messing up. I keep lying, eating, and ruining everything. I want attention but the moment someone reaches out I completely ignore them. I don't know if this is the place for this or the right flair. I don't care anymore. I just want to join my only friend. Where ever she is.

I'm wasting my life and ruining my relationships. I set a date to end it but as it grows closer I keep feeling like I shouldn't. I can't deal with my mental disorders alone anymore. I dont know what I'm looking for here. Maybe advice, maybe support. Or maybe nothing. I'm just tired.",0.2181095041322294,2.591387148760333,2.475077479338843,90.78716167355371,90.73553719008264,5.339049586776858,21.612086776859503,6.9077264865688965,0.7637475206611577,459,17,95,7,16,155,72,121,0.156,0.6609999999999999,0.183,0.3132,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,1,25,23,8,0,4,8,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,5,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,2,19,4,9,22,0,13,0,2,1,0,5,7,0,3,5,58,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364960908248081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466891052230493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770549483447036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241558518165806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645440982669916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440064907753106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008820952033345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637068118586528,0.0,0.0,0.14293003623647665,0.0,0.0,0.12371720644058075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635078901841434,0.0,0.0,0.12553759520274282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062765266414024,0.09978918284389328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791832805755826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966247812993527,0.0,0.0,0.15353166248566325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866185784687888,0.06824179809049358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729809295029528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209894402516685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076707378746306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340290950274081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623481102863708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459384488621025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499666956192895,0.0,0.11928806421468488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835250160630555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851000904834106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605444485147624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477667700989956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweetangelicprincess,2019/07/20,"Dealing with hypersexuality I’m struggling rn and I’m feeling really impulsive 
I usually go from sex repulsed to hypersexual and when I’m hypersexual it causes a lot of distress 
I don’t know how to deal with it correctly",2.592142857142857,5.5917925,6.8066666666666675,58.73000000000002,88.28571428571428,9.466666666666667,33.1904761904762,9.2995712137729,4.65944761904762,183,11,29,7,6,70,31,42,0.22399999999999998,0.74,0.036000000000000004,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,10,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33109455988240544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6645616785894829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296637448984724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317255234328889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177129618930342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27401097854007883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647592678651414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369416820518697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549718593228089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnicornShuck,2019/07/20,"Unpopular opinion: it seems like a lot of people in this sub just love the drama and don’t want to do the work to recover. Like the title says, I’ve seen a lot people post their drama but the scoff at the suggestion  to use DBT skills. 

Pull your head out of your asses, stop the cycle of causing trouble and learn the DBT skills.",5.082014925373137,5.074605522388062,5.736529850746268,83.76807835820897,68.40298507462686,8.491044776119404,25.70522388059701,8.07648339933343,1.3179880597014928,258,6,54,3,4,84,47,67,0.09,0.807,0.10300000000000001,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,3,1,4,0,0,9,0,2,3,2,2,0,14,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,3,9,6,2,6,0,0,1,2,6,3,1,4,3,31,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807066997988666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804370087138831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669957951125965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646208474217277,0.2466220262181529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788792557423711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617013972161528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217302215941325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24875979829641676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284522299735604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360033604401713,0.0,0.0,0.16117204237470958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893186207481736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psychomads1,2019/07/20,"FEELING LIKE A PSYCHO So, trigger warning before I say anything else (TW. substance abuse and self harm)

Okay, so I'm an 18 year old girl from australia and I suffer from BPD. I live with my girlfriend and her dad who is away half the time because he is a miner. This is good because then I get to spend a lot of time with my girlfriend, only problem is her sister abuses drugs and alcohol all the time around us and is an absolute bitch sometimes. This causes a lot of anxiety for my girlfriend and among that I also have extreme outbursts that push her away a lot of the time and I feel horrible for it. Now, right now I just feel like I need to vent because I'm in the middle of a sort of episode and can't fully escape it because I said a lot of hurtful things to her because it's my grandma's birthday and she said she would come with me, only problem is she's going to turn up high as fuck because she went to her friends place. I was supposed to go too but I started feeling empty and emotionless inside because I didn't want to be high at my grans birthday but at the same time I have a real problem with weed and am trying to quit it, going to her friends place often ends in late night walks home stoned to the bone. It's fun but I feel like I'm ruining my life by avoiding my friends and family by smoking and pushing them away because I'm ashamed of it and I lie about it and my BPD causese to be so stressed and mentally ill that I become suicidal and often want to cut myself just so I feel something and I'm not in this state where I can't feel any emotion. Another thing is I am hypersexual sometimes and it gets in the way because my girlfriends libido is so low and it frustrates me, It sounds emo but honestly I just want my life back on track and my girlfriend makes no attempt to help me because she becomes frustrated with me because I can't help but come off as offensive toward her sometimes because I take it out on her. Anyway, I really just want someone to talk to about it all, I have no one  except my mum but she is going through a lot as it is and just want someone to be able to understand. 

Im sorry if this is in the wrong community I just feel all over the place. Thankyou to anyone who reads this.",3.7753375813449033,4.618945462039047,4.82323142624729,86.14150657537962,71.60303687635573,7.237554229934924,30.02447125813449,7.292943589461545,1.6910135032537963,1762,72,364,17,32,578,208,461,0.183,0.737,0.08,-0.9922,0,1,3,0,2,1,23.0,1,0,1,2,25,28,6,3,20,1,25,7,1,3,3,82,61,39,1,11,15,3,8,3,8,1,5,4,1,2,25,31,1,1,9,1,1,10,7,18,0,2,5,12,58,10,62,52,9,55,0,4,0,1,38,28,2,9,18,254,83,1,0.06418762442282194,0.15210367780604964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859704980490658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051330820060580734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364978569494872,0.06730632082940148,0.049103356994204816,0.0,0.0,0.04488147943304164,0.0,0.05282094575993655,0.057140594302949474,0.0,0.0,0.18091915821789048,0.04935632111554795,0.0,0.4695381609619424,0.14178037641894806,0.05461894074189538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168413193245826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593837157713348,0.0,0.11058390975915217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443726610843114,0.0,0.05362052382919792,0.07220243805761982,0.05685118334232901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605103797535543,0.0,0.2596415322439943,0.13756695513887338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877359821435648,0.05934042447329855,0.06707076902884991,0.0,0.14591722465550006,0.05383753400464925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604722326712796,0.13563549869567232,0.06438542083508958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871417950465575,0.0,0.06933364902829983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240643616507081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906752347668251,0.09407649315253896,0.0,0.05667884833714555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272850114565561,0.0,0.0,0.042845737727305766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468602832782044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04759431019108662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023573733189215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735411431112825,0.0,0.043495195497680966,0.09763516155737684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118721764719025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842566635338359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827143958453358,0.06420499450557847,0.07305956905251812,0.04112023582331795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481588054186855,0.12211425928839115,0.05104457524362745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696169107372815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877193175348557,0.049414769204288805,0.19044960548243267,0.07185279042313683,0.045432330938363186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352670690899725,0.0,0.0,0.07021084304555633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048261105317540284,0.05159158112706479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528681104004722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871415999207479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043579183596771084,0.06981770343168223,0.0,0.06682158072231427,0.07720980896691128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892976196429212,0.050949148578845936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059502570908247066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559704675705907,0.07017909096426413,0.0,0.041334725654365405
bpd,suberdoo,2019/07/20,"I’m exhausted My face, my eyes, my body is finally starting to reflect how I feel on the inside. Exhausted, tired, weak, broken. I don’t see a good outcome in the long term. I go to therapy. But I’m so exhausted. Brain injuries and concussions haven’t made this process called life any easier. Idk, maybe just venting now. I can barely form completely sentences and thoughts. I just want to sleep for a month. 

I’m always fighting myself. And I just want to quit. This sucks.",1.5639743589743629,4.269276890109893,2.7982692307692325,88.50714743589745,87.7912087912088,6.54981684981685,25.165750915750927,7.793537801064563,1.8231531135531127,371,16,71,8,12,119,65,91,0.237,0.664,0.099,-0.9227,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,4,0,4,11,5,2,0,14,16,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,3,10,1,7,14,2,9,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,6,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604876131952985,0.0,0.0,0.15205211170726718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483633848066539,0.0,0.2496057117253861,0.2283152606389323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443486338025296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305623451542644,0.0,0.0,0.24493714246220644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270740611327906,0.18754068557697506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579315992775135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978743362645589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157077866548854,0.0,0.0,0.22463100070234668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847121303574687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378205618389723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817608361643328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375624852232576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826152978709707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557001071763241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750927243758238,0.0,0.25698929720554564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26376397821532577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fleshsandwiches,2019/07/20,DAE feel like they don’t really have their own personality? I was at a friend’s party today & I only knew two people there. I tend to absorb other people’s personalities to try to fit in & not be so socially awkward. But when you don’t know the other people you turn into an even more socially awkward lump & it leaves you feeling empty & unable to connect with people. I feel like I don’t actually have a personality of my own & I feel like a shell of a person who doesn’t fit in or belong anywhere or with anyone.,3.593055555555555,4.819189787037036,6.06388888888889,75.63250000000002,72.42592592592592,7.992592592592592,23.685185185185183,8.472884824447931,1.5351629629629624,419,11,80,7,8,150,67,108,0.053,0.787,0.16,0.8791,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,2,0,4,6,0,2,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,13,16,5,0,0,4,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,4,12,4,12,13,3,8,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,2,5,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.11452188800460468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6357723363661258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820575858692755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751209856560777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237353554255352,0.25151604574274283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066844843182056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449542850269392,0.0,0.0,0.12426236557722165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200168115361986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925402810426117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32543767921856964,0.40988064257728396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518083906014633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925799063381745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123914505641896,0.0,0.0,0.07967657584549946,0.127648915920609,0.11463911966306857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heyimsuperweird,2019/07/20,"I made a BPD support group because all the other ones were too negative and triggering (I hope this kind of post is allowed, I didn't see anything specific stating this kind of thing wasn't okay in the rules here though! If I am mistaken, could someone please kindly direct me to a sub that I can post this in? Thanks!)

I just really wanted a positive support group that doesn't have such negative stuff in it. Couldn't find one like that, so I made one, I'd love for people to join and get things started! Also will soon be looking for some people to help moderate the group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/355136211833933/",7.426372670807452,8.167317252173916,6.516273291925469,77.60521739130434,63.43478260869565,9.701863354037268,31.211180124223603,9.606745405546679,2.7443788819875783,504,17,90,9,7,153,80,115,0.107,0.6779999999999999,0.215,0.9322,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,6,1,12,1,0,4,1,15,24,6,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,2,8,10,10,15,2,8,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,3,3,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903168617592302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248715745807015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073483038922904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746568659040788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188410136940023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360420831244576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776562619881858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976799575921756,0.0,0.0,0.1478371585155306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649990248694201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271838891494029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499272558482925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433886784590898,0.2816824069274745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025846725922232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063814455149599,0.0,0.0,0.16338765275352907,0.0,0.0,0.2851056732833114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535423358178377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861058603310498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261163023496349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535360534107044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039247736792362,0.0,0.3378162008452026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703693101097364,0.0,0.0,0.19777266201247,0.0,0.14623994016005853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779292763525944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jie8431,2019/07/20,"recently diagnosed with BPD but my therapist didn’t seem to care. Any self help tip except changing a therapist? I am easily infuriated and overreacted. I am aware of this so sometimes I suppress my anger and tell myself it’s actually my fault. How should I tell if I have the right reason and am in the right place to be angry  and confront people who are actually being mean to me? Or there aren’t mean people just me and my BPD all the time?

I thought about cutting myself yesterday but didn’t really want to kill or severely harm myself. I googled the anatomy of ppl’s arms and found it was a bit difficult to avoid nerves and veins and stuff (maybe I am wrong?). So instead I punched walls really hard and had bruises. I just don’t know how to cope with the feels even not sure what are the feelings.

I told my therapist my anger issue but I don’t think she got how upsetting it is for me. And somehow she didn’t seem to care if I will continue the treatment (is it also my BPD thing???) I can’t change a therapist because the hospital my insurance covers has only a few therapists and it’s ridiculously hard to get a new appointment.

Ps: I’ve been on medication for depression for a while but I don’t  it’s helpful. I will visit the doctor next week and see if I can ask her to change some meds.

Sorry it’s long and really not sure if this makes any sense? But thanks for reading.",2.222150537634409,4.412745408602152,3.9618637992831545,85.06279569892475,78.78494623655914,7.860931899641577,24.31182795698925,8.735056554316923,1.855313978494624,1095,39,223,26,27,367,151,279,0.247,0.675,0.078,-0.9949,1,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,13,18,6,2,15,0,27,5,2,5,3,55,47,31,1,6,16,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,13,15,0,2,11,1,0,1,10,13,0,0,10,5,34,5,21,32,4,16,0,1,1,0,12,6,0,10,9,152,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.17005001031103364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967675911630727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850095516712725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145353699012732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053112823346428466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512193222360953,0.0,0.3292064971967549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766695442364527,0.0,0.27651171303041155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504378847204475,0.08843375737030301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917987699440437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575476591853842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810973834726732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553208015439146,0.0,0.0,0.04552112952660069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968474994972795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610033376695456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680101040924135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093968586056328,0.0,0.0,0.09639495475555196,0.0,0.047883633744567056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710612364119791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815905811094864,0.0,0.08753245135662095,0.18981731001396784,0.09678030116671717,0.08777296005294281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414940420187529,0.09266231994968707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626527323240007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080808671371952,0.0,0.09103090686868176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715223974503576,0.0,0.1674505548256767,0.08958277527169285,0.08602904194315107,0.0,0.0,0.1488148017022286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943026262316669,0.1586373221969992,0.09089419599099142,0.09843058729828713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617247408953685,0.09753340321153588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974147205853097,0.0,0.0,0.16423546466141278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230858099015604,0.08021636539683831,0.0,0.505815457165129,0.0578844111746318,0.05582852818281625,0.0,0.06917042485859136,0.050805423186028,0.0,0.0,0.08325516987221432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139074197366703,0.0,0.06988935672891097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952615136549043,0.0,0.0
bpd,Oxyzultin1985,2019/07/20,"Advice about BPD with narcissistic (NPD) traits I've been dating a girl for a short period of time now. She told me that she has BPD. After having a couple discussions about it, she has shared with me that she has narcissistic traits. I also put a post up about this not long ago, and a lot of the responses suggested narcissism coincidentally.

The relationship so far has been very hot and cold. I've done a lot of self educating and reaching out to others with BPD to learn more about it. I'm trying to go about this the right way and understand to the best of my ability how to handle these situations that I've never encountered before. 

There are days where I am completely smothered with attention. Heart eye emojis like I'm the best taco around. Then there are days where I wonder if she even remembers my name. The emotional outbursts have caught me off guard every time and there is a severe lack of empathy that follows on her behalf. I feel like she's playing games with me and testing my responses every chance she gets. If I don't give the right response, I get ignored. That's on a good day. 

I know BPD isn't something you can lump an entire category of people into. There are lots of sub categories and traits that can determine certain factors.  Everyone is different. She's had counseling in the past but has a very pompous attitude about ""getting help"" at this stage (definitely not something I have brought up). She justifies everything she does as right and has literally made me question my sanity on more than one occasion. I'm not sure if I can keep going down this path much longer. The blame shifting and outbursts over small things is taking a toll on me. I'm doing the best I can to keep my wits about me and be there for her. 

We are not ""exclusive"" yet, and she has done a great job of talking about her other dates in front of me. Deep down, it hurts a little to hear it, but I'm really not the jealous type. I keep my cool and make a joke about everything. I understand people wanting to have options. She tells me she hates jealousy, but tries to trigger a jealous response in me. I don't know man. It feels very controlling and manipulative on levels I've never experienced before. I've decided to back off and give her space. I told her I'm not looking for something platonic and when she's ready to see me again, let me know. If I'm available, we'll work it out. 

If anyone has some insight or advice on this, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.",4.540941230486684,6.028128227272728,5.402920110192838,80.27235996326907,70.44628099173553,8.93149678604224,28.320477502295685,9.372597083632963,2.4540887970615244,1978,72,380,43,36,646,239,484,0.048,0.8290000000000001,0.12300000000000001,0.987,2,0,3,0,0,0,52.0,2,2,0,6,26,21,4,0,26,1,37,3,2,6,4,78,76,30,0,8,15,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,3,22,25,0,6,14,3,0,8,11,6,0,1,10,10,56,15,62,62,11,65,0,1,3,0,41,34,0,13,22,263,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529147807810064,0.06935700584736318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257027387753518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470877840720407,0.0,0.0,0.06965216279110863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016343643336813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315673028749164,0.0,0.246331143507596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941733408788631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082035477491459,0.0,0.08775530113436497,0.0,0.08657352659499414,0.0,0.15137927437293228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174646533984316,0.0,0.0,0.0684702926866341,0.16013790931579516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801196471358165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167824740857973,0.0,0.1318448873145686,0.07476379278676827,0.1406381218260734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912323319263273,0.0558962565399578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263498953530733,0.15011413101371884,0.08893371174831341,0.06562586071265472,0.0,0.1725246442620294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724799224607343,0.0,0.0,0.08818466673654553,0.09271740566072026,0.05244410979477249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375991316332344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764332890280333,0.2086358364841633,0.0,0.0,0.12899963125356964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800079695030862,0.0,0.07645039159768331,0.07841925791938828,0.0,0.06924190124588753,0.06570375774550953,0.0,0.0,0.19955620863725024,0.0,0.07403467897567452,0.052227288418899113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751703327285863,0.0,0.12069044479558025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053018952189637834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469105086320507,0.10848660540712958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493441718959805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865504025236265,0.08764919130862316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012396868659587,0.0,0.0,0.08400286135120459,0.08863318116744581,0.2004552813082894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062348918101502115,0.0,0.08162369790393467,0.08839143615878993,0.0,0.0,0.0879475318302177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807040471431284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374236499085224,0.0,0.058828410958313065,0.06288813147901608,0.06838714764664185,0.07203492263413719,0.0,0.0,0.051980653325032516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124733364556988,0.0,0.0,0.14952758557353654,0.0,0.10624266083383144,0.0,0.0,0.16290581766628898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367407338624532,0.0461492876655556,0.06210503118094066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485034838888005,0.05696126693853914,0.0,0.0,0.05558102715344938,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,areyuhkiddingme,2019/07/20,"Coping with problems in my life. Where do I even start? I’m about to lose my job in the military. I’m going to be homeless. The guy I’ve been sleeping around with decided to sleep with the girl I’ve been accusing him of sleeping with. He posted on Snapchat with him and her just so I can see. How do I know? He texted my best friend he was going to do it because he heard me having sex with someone. 

Friday, I was going through stuff and he just told me to deal with it myself and to leave him alone. I haven’t talked to him since. 

Tonight I’ve been drinking and crying and I started cutting myself.  It feel good, honestly. I just don’t know how I’m going to hide it. 

I feel so worthless right now. I feel like I can never do right. My own family doesn’t even want me around. I’m so scared.",0.2049812030075202,2.3424709642857167,1.9060401002506249,97.14597744360904,86.38095238095238,4.727318295739349,18.961152882205514,6.05967700443912,-0.25273095238095244,614,17,141,5,19,200,86,168,0.141,0.7609999999999999,0.099,-0.6534,1,1,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,15,10,1,1,3,0,16,6,3,2,1,28,35,10,0,2,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,14,1,0,6,1,0,4,4,5,0,0,7,5,24,5,23,27,2,18,0,2,1,1,17,8,0,0,6,91,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468220688995283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25239542209485816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641644042741703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876985497006795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571825349518004,0.0,0.14614979012600002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887221374948186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726415010153893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133640041946765,0.0,0.21503648672464895,0.101274380418278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095245145649022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32226510729460633,0.1189027458098062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036608469069556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067632637657704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581672832362758,0.0,0.0,0.15010486562771258,0.0,0.0,0.10013027704605904,0.06925746482016511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585947578612425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933513955752287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576824536463014,0.0,0.0,0.13564652513018596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421269410239943,0.0,0.0,0.14192790299365893,0.0,0.11296549073846708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726650418759045,0.0,0.42559136850045204,0.0,0.12011398359562125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067891284339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228289959412448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113942452418932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354591033620978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361455318090877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Psychopath_Snow,2019/07/20,"Intimacy How do you move forward with intimacy? I've never had sex, much less, ever kissed anyone.  I've had opportunities that I bring about when I'm hypersexual, and then politely apologize, express my regret, and cancel when it comes down to it 'cause I feel sexually repulsed by that point. There has been very few people who I have not split on like this, and with whom I was actually comfortable with. I was and am terrified that they will be disappointed with the end result, and they will leave me.

Recently, an FP of mine came back into my life, and I was so happy. I thought they were gone forever. They've dealt with my paranoia and general instability before. Given that, I thought they would never deal with me again. They were a part of all the people I always regretted fucking up friendships and relationships with. 

I've worked on myself plenty over the past years. I've gotten alot better at managing my issues. I've read that lots of people with BPD have developed and experienced that sort of intimacy I want already. My question is for you... how did you do it?",5.332491749174917,7.006041589108918,6.368930693069308,73.38613531353138,68.75247524752476,9.545082508250827,28.813201320132013,9.888512548439397,2.9019236963696367,859,31,153,21,15,286,127,202,0.11,0.79,0.1,-0.3008,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,5,3,10,10,1,0,6,0,20,4,0,4,4,41,32,15,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,20,0,0,4,1,0,6,3,4,0,0,15,2,27,6,23,13,7,26,0,3,0,3,15,9,1,4,14,116,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.15535764264970794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756827504281632,0.0,0.1324683533970627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131735010921276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224160822487806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546870169978853,0.0,0.0,0.14080073839082266,0.0,0.0,0.2005086435294658,0.0,0.0,0.18208403830053568,0.0,0.16354373534931596,0.0,0.13713794592567066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641296965512467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100522443077124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440068190603974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049703272041409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717916811495366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947289572064725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661649439804284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857134057532436,0.0,0.0,0.11244868687798593,0.07777778315687173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353473731887406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920593841293782,0.1170313780801755,0.0,0.2455719335962564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172399647998033,0.1519757907420132,0.3311107043840124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049682147472476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834205039399276,0.0,0.15924452452153035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571922181157739,0.17092276960759845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527763245048684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313578628627973,0.09390113546532697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159005461110192,0.0,0.0,0.11309213693310068,0.0,0.0,0.10252050924925184
bpd,flowrpot,2019/07/20,"BoJack Horseman’s episode titled “Piece of Shit” is an excellent representation of what BPD is like. For anyone who doesn’t watch the show, it’s awesome, and incredibly relatable for pwBPD.",8.8,9.845332181818184,8.366212121212126,64.4693181818182,60.51515151515152,11.44848484848485,37.71212121212121,11.20814326018867,4.602284848484848,154,7,24,4,2,49,29,33,0.09,0.652,0.258,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810314833529336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6863270262377005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662278976196448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.559368329706466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AdmirablePermit3,2019/07/20,"Sometimes I feel like I could have had so much potential if it weren't for BPD I think there will always be something a little ""off"" in my mind that is just part of me and holds me back. Like if my emotions were more constantly stable and I didn't lose track of my thoughts and attention, I think I'd have a lot of potential to be successful in life. The drive is there, but only sometimes. I have a passion. But other times it's like I'm someone else with no motivation to pursue it.

Lol now we can wait 15 minutes for my mood to change and I will have a different perspective on this. I think emotional impermanence is a good way to describe it, but I feel like I also get an ""impermanence"" with other things such as specific memories and thoughts that all depend on my mood.",5.744551282051282,5.597036660256411,6.449487179487183,79.69551282051285,67.01282051282051,10.266666666666666,32.07692307692307,9.994966539143718,2.9067230769230767,613,23,126,13,9,202,94,156,0.018000000000000002,0.778,0.204,0.9788,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,3,8,10,0,0,7,1,17,2,0,2,1,30,27,13,0,3,6,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,2,9,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,2,18,7,17,16,5,12,0,1,0,1,1,6,0,4,8,93,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252229380310702,0.13029331363754199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040609390614786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721642874291276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564877368398562,0.0,0.0,0.16921541938688636,0.0,0.12502234801042225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636005714717747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080873293535314,0.3522796408049134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835065300003884,0.22373223050203053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818104867980252,0.0,0.0,0.13133813518765658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060235635002652,0.3060029006177932,0.15694177548434451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518131819556065,0.0,0.1331250618933794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810870012195313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510980289706067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190918221345732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695689636926342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267604972423286,0.120548679615587,0.30973801077302354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402975289632067,0.3010047717632636,0.0,0.24862591014578286,0.09130740924167503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242918400231074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mercurialmrn,2019/06/15,"Everything feels WRONG I feel like everything in my life is wrong. For a long time I heavily trusted my intuition and now my intuition decided to fuck off or something. I'm just so damn empty and lonely. Nothing in the past 6 yrs has felt right.  My life feels like it belongs to someone else. I cant make decisions anymore bc no matter what I do, all outcomes are shitty outcomes. So what does it matter anymore? I dont think I'll ever be comfortable in this life. I dont think I'll ever be me again. Finding therapy is a joke. Finding a working medication is a joke. Off and on I go with no results. My bf says my bpd episodes have dropped from 5 days a week to 2 or 3 but I still feel as miserable as before. My bpd episodes lately have been focused on how much I loath who I am. I don't think I'll ever love myself again. I feel like I dont belong on earth. I feel like everything that was good about me is gone. Now I'm a big bowl of nothingness. I can barely leave my house now bc I feel like I am such a shit stain and everyone will notice. Things just keep feeling worse and worse when in actuality things should be feeling better. So I must be the problem. I want to run away but there is no place for me anywhere. I'm stuck. So stuck here in this body on this wretched planet. I want to be who I was. Brave and bold. Smart and outspoken. Beautiful and loved. But she died at 18.",0.42138408304498404,2.691485134948099,2.464792387543256,92.53068339100348,86.92387543252596,5.752941176470588,21.994809688581313,7.1686216300943375,0.7530858131487896,1080,39,237,17,34,361,155,289,0.159,0.627,0.214,0.9427,0,2,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,2,21,24,3,1,9,0,29,9,2,3,5,48,56,21,1,5,7,0,10,5,1,3,4,1,0,0,12,9,0,1,17,2,0,3,9,8,0,0,7,11,34,16,26,41,2,36,0,2,0,3,7,16,3,2,21,149,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.08415842273169892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105507951433918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102591865940928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338443136827975,0.0,0.0,0.07627283640720509,0.0,0.0957939077191722,0.21723413017485088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055618077267872434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950416703424365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546976384265165,0.0,0.3032201578079789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204298723898017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402878444915026,0.0,0.08240662576720345,0.2325225749376652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924527222163197,0.3080516465779885,0.08280453721680113,0.0,0.1576447622614071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972808055182819,0.0,0.0,0.049012542227717545,0.07233455584339309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951011784152043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766546419415144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728319651028404,0.09131638391665574,0.0,0.0,0.182742940054255,0.2106640987340808,0.0,0.0,0.07632025116293137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567108645830174,0.0,0.057566295811757165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687837022811158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339679221029433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275021848237815,0.0981855384349426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232644769906082,0.0,0.0,0.09010311175979216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252064391083595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736490339958391,0.0,0.06858201711362924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852477602204943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307141306784956,0.0663922567884951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887188524004725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986236859740808,0.0,0.11458889620294385,0.1657785565565412,0.0,0.0,0.05028760978881488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173392591049812,0.0,0.06917703818165026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278421188739795,0.0,0.17577315657814313,0.0,0.18858119964984826,0.0,0.0
bpd,dumdumgrl,2019/06/15,Coping with feeling of emptiness How do you guys deal with it? What do you do to make yourselves feel better?,1.5828571428571436,4.33182442857143,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,90.42857142857142,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.3431714285714285,87,3,16,0,3,26,17,21,0.113,0.701,0.18600000000000005,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42681777425441375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975362528043498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880310250141597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778468428700306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221372038568156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Literally_-_Literary,2019/06/15,"Positive things about BPD (your mileage may vary) Positive things about my experience with BPD, or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) as I tend to call it:

- Getting the diagnosis helped me to make sense of my experiences and find communities of people who felt similarly to me. This made me feel less alone and helps me to recognise patterns in the way I feel and behave.

- Experiencing mental illness has made me a better therapist, because I can better understand what my clients experience. Having high levels of empathy helps me to be good at my job.

- Experiencing the stigma surrounding BPD has reinforced my empathy for people who are perceived negatively by the majority. It's also led me to increase my activism around support for mental health.

- Without EUPD I wouldn't have found mindfulness and DBT.

- EUPD helped me to survive my past experiences. Now, recognising I have it is helping me to admit to and deal with past abuse, and make links between what happened to me and my reactions now.

- Impulsivity can be fun. Unexpected trips have resulted in great memories. Shopping has hurt my bank balance but delighted my wardrobe. I've never regretted dancing on a table. I don't regret my first tattoo. I don't regret taking a chance on the person who is now my life partner.

- Being emotionally sensitive has led people to confide in me. It leads me to easily get along with people on training days or in other superficial situations. I do well in interviews.

- Not going to pretend that I don't experience intense FP/enemy relationships and splitting. But I also have a few deep, meaningful friendships that my personality has made deeper.

Self-love and self care have been the cornerstones of my slow, ongoing recovery. Hope this helps someone reading, or at least makes you think about the aspects of your own personality and experiences that are positive.
Whoever you are, you are enough and you can get better.",6.5816557089634005,8.990884908284027,7.585713346482577,62.97367411790492,66.7810650887574,10.924567170721016,35.595441595441606,10.903163001774269,4.838776769669078,1561,78,231,50,27,524,183,338,0.040999999999999995,0.764,0.195,0.9947,1,1,0,0,1,0,46.0,0,6,0,6,10,14,0,0,11,0,30,3,0,10,1,52,53,19,0,5,7,0,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,17,16,0,0,11,4,2,7,8,4,1,1,6,5,42,10,42,42,7,32,0,4,0,0,26,15,0,5,9,173,59,4,0.0,0.0925815462593473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092809641474953,0.0,0.12497493184954067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955998238899527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763260778946788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732191042209985,0.0,0.0,0.2952387573230381,0.0,0.07978831818611999,0.0,0.0796675814239108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039297770274092,0.08055753739859155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955368508791445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579097246005762,0.0,0.08073813357848579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586076755842354,0.0,0.0,0.07901851840475056,0.0,0.07502537668741784,0.0,0.07141732850033197,0.06646471252583737,0.0,0.08567501817076964,0.0,0.0,0.122472689583726,0.0,0.0444080066943044,0.06553900887651479,0.0,0.08614815919302933,0.0,0.0,0.06909776755481419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305775195739583,0.0,0.0,0.31424821922657586,0.08255779464396079,0.0,0.07760932993506303,0.0,0.0,0.08364906201144277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754057267826017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519165324093237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221810095739636,0.1564745063353879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749080128363252,0.0,0.07889778156162497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060265359165359994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491844035982562,0.2166860599632416,0.27291068971648896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815981512924247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389168867217021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630313478061058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783113861966801,0.0,0.0,0.06620664126343276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867083638532805,0.0,0.0,0.05875055513359029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072501805392018,0.10382372018229127,0.05006810443968161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134511086121274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202283894859476,0.0,0.0,0.07025604813323781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532288920153478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unforgettable_potato,2019/06/15,"Why an I like this I don't know what the hell I was thinking. This was such a mistake. I have been up since 2pm yesterday. It's moving day, the last day of my assignment and I was supposed to eat dinner with my SO's family and meet them for the first time today.

My last day went OK. Moving took a little longer than expected but not terrible. It was a pretty good day? But why does it take one tiny thing to ruin it all for me? I know being overly tired isn't helping me much but damn.

I am in NJ and I hate driving in jersey. I need to get over so I can make a left hand turn but no one is letting me over. Ugh. I am just not that aggressive of a driver and that's my own fault. I am originally from the boonies of North Carolina and most of the drivers are laid back and chill. But this one tiny stupid stressful interaction just ruins an overall productive day. I feel like I made a horrible impression on the family as I wasn't talkative and just kind of picked at the salad I ordered. When it was time to go, I told my SO to drive home with his parents because I wasn't doing well.

So I cry in the parking lot of the restaurant. Go to a taco bell in the parking lot. Eat greasy food and cry some more. Feel like shit for eating greasy food. Want to just dig a hole and wait for death.",0.6698279457768521,2.6564478649635035,2.6103701772679884,93.77695255474457,83.12408759124088,5.958081334723673,20.00469238790407,7.1686216300943375,0.3303685088633994,1001,28,230,14,28,334,151,274,0.237,0.6629999999999999,0.1,-0.9940000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,1,12,21,6,1,20,1,20,10,2,4,1,41,39,20,1,4,11,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,12,11,7,1,5,0,0,8,7,13,1,4,12,3,29,8,32,25,8,37,1,2,0,0,7,13,3,4,18,154,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822092373638029,0.0,0.06517296611903163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348770768377155,0.3447491099977144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935599905447329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281950304493655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157548454585916,0.0,0.10811650803438858,0.1527568534663291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093985525007016,0.2585584293119016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585745297301529,0.0,0.12152185866009088,0.08967326802393674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055541190282228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166130337695584,0.0,0.1072421166036385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133308478194186,0.1175128054984348,0.17429617712020545,0.0,0.0,0.11616091953498682,0.10932543993160487,0.0,0.15669637811589132,0.10715457378050837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178664313775197,0.0,0.10116334534522273,0.07136503173737851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272624788969307,0.07859310772626807,0.07927438381206554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734035904840568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871385832814275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876861253457046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097443106469185,0.08843925839243863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246809252070436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038501599827175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102802168316763,0.06850531654101484,0.0,0.0,0.12468326537149607,0.12288037689900258,0.10134070212651683,0.10215962969855777,0.11878390074633505,0.0,0.11629027496141088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305985776045019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612732237719276,0.099109108316658,0.19294409559444234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,khuber123,2019/06/15,DAE feel like they don’t want to live in their bodies anymore... like even for a week or day just be someone else? I’m having a really hard time with this thought right now. I’m not sure if this is BPD or part of any other personality disorder but it’s all i can think about. how much i don’t want to be myself anymore.,0.4955279503105601,2.4161806231884064,2.619503105590063,93.83869565217393,83.34782608695652,5.681987577639752,18.55279503105589,6.868970318607317,-0.0538422360248445,249,6,59,3,7,84,55,69,0.073,0.831,0.096,0.1084,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,1,1,2,15,14,5,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,7,11,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,6,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491680303322296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226802386496212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367085028452796,0.2683947598804037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743328897080026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442335825774781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780195427441317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407519927485752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775087491380676,0.15224025367931612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089771293422836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822194063021507,0.0,0.1881731460957563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665463625604492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076891506224964,0.0,0.0,0.1860726205954416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651872559312564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198811373541102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805608018287151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008463007731956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654728454962295,0.0,0.16917934240816193,0.12426160606866685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513863967366578,0.0,0.17093773006163654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,radfem123,2019/06/15,"Pissed someone off... need advice/support  

I'm posting this hoping to find advice from other people who know how I feel. I know that most people would just dismiss me as overreacting. I have bpd and I'm struggling with something that happened today.

I had a tattoo appointment booked today at 12. My sister drove me there. She was supposed to pick me up at 11:30, even though it's a 10-minute drive, so I definitely wouldn't be late... She was late and didn't pick me up until after 12. I messaged my artist to let her know as soon as I could but she didn't answer. I ended up being 20 minutes late for my appointment.

I felt so sick going into the shop knowing I was late. I walked in and the artist was pissed. She told me that she was going home, that I've lost my deposit and my appointment. I apologized and asked her if I could give her another deposit to rebook, which she agreed to. I apologized again profusely, she still seemed pissed.

Should I just cancel this appointment? I've been looking forward to this for months. I feel sick about this.",2.2988470066518865,4.830201707317077,3.1250665188470066,89.25411862527717,80.70731707317074,5.6784922394678485,22.00110864745011,6.980632752743323,0.7196829268292686,830,26,160,10,22,262,113,205,0.158,0.7809999999999999,0.061,-0.976,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,12,6,3,1,4,0,18,5,3,3,0,32,39,15,0,8,4,1,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,12,7,0,0,10,4,3,6,3,5,0,0,13,4,36,1,24,18,1,28,0,1,1,0,18,9,3,4,14,113,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684553785307826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361135710442192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135167772739945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634869081188735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072800653806612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497014674784807,0.0,0.0,0.08573605578696239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126826615103335,0.0,0.1246347225170627,0.0,0.11864090943033608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245223489222551,0.14754420000956034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478757543095465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020663505381574,0.12892727405411258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853533194656399,0.0,0.5857101366745872,0.0,0.0,0.13273607524815834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900487771856664,0.0,0.14169927200708504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361041473514454,0.0,0.0,0.09624997238989157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998314803105395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431887098911695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817108200667335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998473752466344,0.09993148660985086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036637434932564,0.0,0.0,0.1357020751532924,0.0,0.0,0.14730302700492298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753435626058926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460830173028707,0.12403579901873893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221090659381886,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bunnyohara,2019/06/15,"Also CW: Sexual abuse. Venting. Currently spiraling. I've been sobbing nonstop all day. Hyperventilating. Screaming into my mattress. Biting my wrists. Writhing about in bed. Unable to function. Typing this has been the most 'together' thing I've done all day. 

I wish I could just jump outside of my body and never return to anyone or anything in this life. I hate my life, I'm scared to die, I just want peace. I'm carrying around so much pain throughout my entire body. I feel so much physical pain from heartbreak, abuse, loss. 

I think I'm starting to really hate my family for not stepping in and doing something when I started showing extreme signs of mental illness 18 years ago. i'm so angry that they let their child turn into whatever this is. I've also been agoraphobic for 18 years. I hate that they couldn't figure out that their daughter was being raped every day for years. They adopted me, they spent over 100k to get me, then they just decided to not give a fuck it seems. Despite 7 years of sexual abuse and a lifetime of emotional abuse, I tried my best to never lose hope that one day things will get better. I'm angry that the boyfriend (34m at the time) I had when I was 24 taught me how to love, to trust and then essentially killed me for no reason. Since then, people have just been picking at whatever is left of me. I am largely numb, but when I'm not numb, I am spiraling, breaking down, splitting. I try so hard to hold onto the part of me that was (is?) so kind, loving... but I feel so much hatred.

I want peace, quiet, to feel safe. I'm sick of people blaming every human emotion I experience on BPD. I am extremely self aware. Yes I have BPD, but I am also human, and it's so fucking invalidating when someone is like ""hm idk i think it's just your bpd"" - I saw a post on here the other day saying that it's extremely easy to abuse those with BPD because everything we feel is just written off as BPD. I can't even tell what's real anymore. I genuinely think one of my therapists gaslights me on the fucking regular because of it. No one takes me seriously it seems. 

I'm so close to giving in, giving up. I so genuinely wish I had died so many years ago.",2.5701388888888914,4.679600180555556,4.05487037037037,85.22716666666669,77.28703703703705,6.82,24.68888888888889,7.822599999999999,1.4057600000000003,1706,60,335,27,40,565,217,432,0.187,0.693,0.12,-0.9791,1,0,1,0,5,1,64.0,1,1,7,4,28,28,8,1,9,2,29,17,3,3,4,55,72,31,3,7,13,1,5,1,0,1,8,3,2,4,21,12,0,2,12,1,1,2,9,19,1,3,14,9,51,9,48,53,8,50,0,4,1,6,21,20,4,5,27,214,72,2,0.0,0.39183137016584535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726001827854952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867881050229687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559410314095122,0.04624732770431264,0.0,0.05442841053971819,0.058879516079459016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063788402253068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941090290105822,0.05849634295984429,0.0,0.14693548957555302,0.4165113944841816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280820958317748,0.0,0.0,0.21327737867640445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728783923068372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768521054233467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879945385413432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368550921207225,0.0,0.1114532966609269,0.0,0.059443269409146536,0.06469859316937103,0.062351851973819365,0.0,0.13377151532239598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343887666340686,0.06911188922114529,0.19034543300436965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924934797796085,0.19590164408243832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569294058002115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317522108771486,0.06887567739451997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186239414287968,0.06763365756451696,0.09343469399628586,0.032313153540232564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739948650265093,0.0,0.0,0.11938967647381445,0.0,0.0,0.06705659660116169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665457528935168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586374419938478,0.0,0.10202403917148087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445656773048625,0.0,0.14075738263831405,0.0,0.0,0.07162426170988527,0.0,0.09170768819673206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334479856787809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528294242056986,0.04237162066452679,0.06800396766387448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259798091864056,0.06621868318434357,0.0,0.0,0.12042457153453748,0.06899949176902123,0.0,0.0,0.054712521816661294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056041057874879216,0.05091857607397157,0.0,0.0,0.0936298858156811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972980349995942,0.0,0.05781015259446901,0.0,0.0,0.07679480321662803,0.08788228794706529,0.12714145371422575,0.0,0.0,0.038567351201317816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981079992664105,0.07194241925524464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780233553783208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211778039890922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129631896111211
bpd,treeduust,2019/06/15,"Is it my BPD or is this valid jealousy? I’m well-aware that jealousy plays a huge roll in BPD, at least for me personally, and it’s ruining my life. 

I’m in a serious and long-term relationship, so serious that we’re looking for places to move in together, and yet I can’t help but feel threatened by my boyfriend’s friend. To add more context, we’re doing long distance right now, and the reason being is because of my job. We’ve been seeing each other on the weekends since the drive is only a couple hours, but during the week we’re apart. And during the week is where I hear a lot about his friend. She came out of nowhere, started coming by in January, and now she’s there every single day. She takes him to get a haircut, they started going to the gym together, she has spent the night, she showers there after work, they go to the beach together, she lies in his bed, and I see all of this because she posts about it all on social media. In addition to all of this, she commented something under one of his posts that was inappropriate, but he claimed it was an inside joke, yet still had her take it down because of me. 

The jealousy has been taking over my life. Not only are we having fights about it on a weekly basis, but I’m also having dreams about it. I’ve fantasized about hiring NASA to launch her into space, wished that she would disappear from our lives forever, because I haven’t felt this threatened by someone in years. I’ve informed my therapist about this, and he thinks that although my boyfriend lacks basic boundaries, he thinks I’m highlighting the situation as a fear of abandonment. 

Am I wrong to get jealous? Is this jealousy valid? Should I be worried that something is going on? Is this a sign that my boyfriend doesn’t respect me? How do I go about this situation? 

ANY insight of the situation would be helpful! Thank you for your time.",5.577056581298393,6.144161309589045,5.858308516974393,81.32684335914236,67.41095890410959,8.649195949970219,30.938058368076234,8.587818076936951,2.2838159618820733,1478,55,286,21,23,472,189,365,0.133,0.787,0.08,-0.9620000000000001,2,0,2,0,1,0,45.0,2,2,2,1,18,14,2,1,20,0,30,2,0,3,3,42,58,18,0,5,6,0,2,0,2,3,2,1,2,1,23,16,0,1,7,6,1,9,4,8,0,1,8,6,39,6,49,44,9,52,0,2,3,0,35,23,0,2,18,197,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068741660163152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861352378129952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460238712933558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541528636345697,0.0,0.0,0.11539946343866005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691396305030108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164078042418014,0.0,0.06507031651104242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501020285101582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353734792279267,0.05101663205100783,0.0,0.09687708942718284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590577985802934,0.0,0.10542919587171293,0.0,0.2293687083361782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371842413178812,0.0,0.13525846933624472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936337127578918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012485541904076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253328574230428,0.0,0.0,0.08909403440043566,0.1785816102723456,0.08472819671335986,0.0,0.0,0.08577915115235442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723770565357968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468514289599764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837052194274036,0.15347366253354447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809950199734347,0.10541604976025064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326316357225884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373907742482404,0.0,0.1083257823489767,0.0,0.08616561715645762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080393508787638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346316739782157,0.34023788135045163,0.0,0.10285194095132208,0.08548983010206779,0.15535111515281774,0.0,0.0,0.1428310480635415,0.0,0.08057659652090844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227586306188902,0.0,0.0,0.09289254229289444,0.0,0.11714937099098092,0.0,0.1293016428684193,0.0,0.0,0.058833941162366864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428008297426339,0.0,0.0907186575838356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602674623702786,0.0,0.0,0.07345432888183005,0.10246595628272384,0.0,0.14334888486678396,0.11031519743254437,0.0,0.06497445832838297
bpd,Blurry23,2019/06/15,"Going crazy I hate being like this!!
My boyfriend is out with his friends, and he hasnt done that for ages. I trust him, but i just cant get rid of this crazy feeling. I wanna hurt myself, but i know its stupid. I dont like me like this at all. But i cant help it. I keep texting him, kinda implying him to come home. But i also want him to have a good time with his friends. I know what im doing, being manipulitive and i hate being like this but i cant stop. Maybe venting here could calm me down. I hate being the super clingy girlfriend and then next minute super chill do what you want kinda girlfriend.. Ughhh. Can i scream please?",-0.13019018133569205,2.124181571428576,1.3904997788589135,99.02795223352501,90.42857142857142,3.7309155241043785,15.342326404245913,5.0885558068054335,-1.054424679345423,491,10,112,2,17,157,80,133,0.196,0.519,0.285,0.8996,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,0,2,3,17,4,0,2,0,16,0,0,0,1,25,28,10,0,4,6,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,2,25,11,10,22,1,10,0,1,0,0,13,3,0,2,9,75,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024110177331256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106333119869322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400164547083042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794615513596551,0.2055290747439119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867093518337231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709765569526916,0.0,0.09162213397612004,0.0,0.09966523196609813,0.14708970315805175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5194164674859372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754495039504845,0.0,0.1759076193482734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773423510103707,0.0,0.18942668981748814,0.0,0.0,0.1558744419924982,0.0,0.0,0.19275447476075847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427022604901743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617994256421138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650502703381228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250054480825415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146614847610135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225803573576968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687225889208505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kurkmantolumadonna,2019/06/15,"DAE have a hard time being by themselves? Fear of abandonment is a constant issue independent of my mood, it's like a constant background noise. I often feel lonely even though I know I got my family/friends. I have a difficult time being by myself, i feel like I constantly need to be surrounded by other people and if I am not I feel horrible and worthless. I also think regardless of how much I put into interpersonal relationships, most of my friendships always fail if not all of them and this just contributes negatively.

I think people with BPD has so much love/care to offer in reality, and due to childhood trauma or skewed understanding of attachment/security caused by unhealthy relationships with their parents, we constantly seek for validation and have a hard time being alone.",10.053556231003043,9.460710404255325,10.091246200607902,58.59000000000002,58.43262411347518,13.447213779128676,40.00101317122594,12.540900571622839,5.4031694022289765,641,28,98,19,7,213,92,141,0.19899999999999998,0.727,0.07400000000000001,-0.9459,1,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,2,1,7,10,0,1,5,0,10,0,0,3,1,31,19,12,0,4,6,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,5,18,2,18,14,4,13,0,4,0,0,7,3,0,5,11,76,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082164250284246,0.0,0.10873340628537004,0.11313610773533235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124669337603465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967639203952814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5877315844922394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980545430552186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300158438834946,0.20624822607102647,0.09713542862360136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504839055163027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087458763047554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436008968848793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191506516017474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472435096582031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285400518681578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271625452585158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990396588090656,0.10081840618894647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097615917844734,0.0,0.0,0.18852591512291988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668520078546267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919570807796487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424536141479802,0.1335876802171037,0.0,0.2378517653884524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415472824461992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daisylyds,2019/06/15,"i just need quiet i just need silence, from everything. i’ve deactivated my social media, ive told people i need space and if they don’t hear from me within a certain amount of time to call me or smthn. im trying to hold on but everything is so loud and i feel too much. i feel too fucking much and it actually kills me. my episodes are getting longer abd that scares me so much. im hallucinating more and that scares me top. im scared i might relapse but im trying hard not to. i just need peace and quiet away from everything and everyone",0.8345673076923069,3.1818900803571464,2.941428571428574,89.31895604395606,85.69642857142857,5.946153846153848,20.22252747252748,7.321109707123232,0.5942423076923085,427,13,92,7,13,144,66,112,0.14400000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.075,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,7,6,2,3,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,23,15,12,1,5,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,7,16,1,10,13,5,6,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,3,1,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.12236569082679448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781105431648953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804049354694158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981859169172443,0.33808601197032084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680515551526444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592400782178755,0.06551278005276384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232769198160528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132726796395145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417847643396155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872901517978176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302238666743926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27653532551627,0.371909923856156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693186763793101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766214533327146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782259278051994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731177927544363,0.0,0.0,0.11981859169172443,0.0,0.17026752555207636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sambatron,2019/06/15,"Am I crazy? I discovered this subreddit and r/BPDmemes a while back and i remember reading through it thinking “This kind of stuff happens to everyone. These people are just overreacting.” Things like changing your personality depending on who you’re talking to, getting emotional over rejection, deleting everything on your social media, etc.

But I’ve recently been having some mood swings and I came across this subreddit again. I read through some of the posts, and now I think that I’ve felt this way for so long that I just assumed it was normal for everybody.

Not asking to be diagnosed because I’m probably gonna see a therapist soon. I just wanted to know how normal it is to feel this way or if anyone else relates",5.261544771018457,7.526211436090229,5.716431989063565,75.61385509227615,69.97744360902256,9.648393711551606,33.89542036910458,10.018931242160765,3.892990977443608,583,29,98,16,11,187,96,133,0.048,0.919,0.033,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,2,0,26,20,10,0,4,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,10,2,15,14,3,15,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,6,8,70,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108970390578416,0.16250478160204726,0.0,0.0,0.14826989998902387,0.0,0.0,0.1219538647042178,0.0,0.0966812896862188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139652702308512,0.0,0.0,0.1677781205162482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097599742706925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249022537814995,0.1784040253239178,0.0,0.0,0.17688129313924966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154941291277024,0.14253975087034496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801930927468001,0.0,0.15228118958747786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286212694624367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402497488939736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515783863211436,0.08716259414589367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748411050135211,0.0,0.0,0.14035630204993324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31078930063002363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099534998528031,0.1384836915058625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189527589154114,0.0,0.17099798155718848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172865009504036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659869314955094,0.0,0.17966325770587271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263839297315761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167306441654533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155943416759032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274769383625055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414720837933946,0.10536701256848363,0.2032493761739008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354658440088236,0.2517791209775699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittykat690,2019/06/15,"New new. Hellloooo, 


So I recently got my final diagnosis of BPD. It honestly feels so good to have the relieve that all these years when I felt “crazy” it was because I Have  a mood disorder.  I’m not too sure how to explain it to my family because all my life they have always thought I was a hypochondriac. So I am in need of some advise on to handle that and educate them more on it. 


Also, my psychiatrist put me on an SSRI, she decided 75 mg of Effexor. I started Wednesday and I have felt SO weird. Pins and needles 30-40 minutes after I take it. Then I have repeated episodes where I feel like I’m going to pass out and I just feel super disassociated. I can fully explain it. But I’m hoping someone has had similar things happen and can tell me what they did. Also, what other medications have worked for you?",2.070314417177915,4.273236533742335,4.526683282208591,80.7535832055215,79.3680981595092,7.755981595092024,26.13842024539877,8.660442795831766,2.1902518404907982,637,26,124,15,16,223,105,163,0.06,0.83,0.11,0.8444,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,2,11,9,0,0,4,0,14,2,0,1,3,25,32,15,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,6,0,0,9,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,5,23,7,15,24,4,20,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,12,92,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778707010691281,0.14456095254729018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118137761602452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188124163942944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991146935663976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378134641366845,0.0,0.2635360241645037,0.1241159022437522,0.333624571097293,0.19031756179088846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873727291233766,0.1457201862355719,0.13895128424411726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363277121753788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255747692284495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271375668910565,0.08487786049904407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750191473753235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882186885082433,0.0,0.33558756516061905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746510748883866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715417773460567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472046077644646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297011458367875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637426319933414,0.0,0.13062666009552376,0.0,0.15185153814320276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542142687219355,0.0,0.0,0.13792572080327892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648072476857386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118792684640839
bpd,suriservshumnty,2019/06/15,"Manipulative bf probs:-( I feel so betrayed and hurt inside, I can't shake the feeling taking over my body. I know this relationship is done but I feel like I am being traumatized all over again by someone I thought was healthy and good for me. He was with me for 6 years when so much shit played out, he knew everything, I told him everything, I ranted about the psychology by the psychopaths and narcs and their manipulative tricks on me. I'm the scapegoat in all contexts. But get this: I'm living in his room, and am scared to leave all day. I look forward to the weekends bc then I can leave and go out and do stuff, with him. Hes the only one I know in this state and I have no car. We had plans to go to this cool restraunt last night and I got all ready for him and excited! I tried to be nice for when he got home, since he is always in a bad mood. And then he never showed up. He came back 1.5 hours late unappolegitcally and said it wasnt his fault. Not showing up or being late without notice is a huge trigger for me. He calls it needy, manipulative and controlling. I was triggered and tried so hard to control it to avoid a blow up. I turned off the lights and hid under the covers, when he finally came back he looked at me like in crazy and shut the door and went outside to smoke alone. Then he came back in and started rolling weed without talking, looking or even acknowledging me sitting there clearly upset and in pain. So then I spoke up and said that I am upset and just need someone to talk to. And he would just ignore me! And then he started saying, go head call me names. He kept egging me on til I was triggered and where I turned mean, attacking him verbally, looking crazy. My family did this to me, trigger me on purpose so they can play the victim or maybe they are just sick people. The whole night we didnt talk in the same room, and I was stuck not leaving another day. I mentioned again not talking and he defended and justified himself by saying ""I just asked you if you needed something from downstairs and you said no."" So that is him ""trying."" So he is blaming ME again!! I just want someone to talk to. And then he screams in my face I DONT WANT YOU, I WANT YOU GONE, I DONT LIKE YOU. As I'm stuck in his fucking bed and house. He does this now, because he knows I have no where to go. When I'm gone, on my own, he kisses my ass. He said that abusing me is the only way to get through to me cause that is how I was raised. He said he is going to treat me this way because I have treated him this way. He said he is like this, then says all the names I've called him while dissociated, and says them like ""I'm this"" to justify and just end the fight. 

Sooo then..... sharing a bed with him was mad awkward. I was sexually and physically abused in my sleep long term as a child. So stuff scares me sometimes. One thing I noticed  was that he goes to the bathroom for long periods of time. And we dont have sex, he doesnt even look at me. And he goes in there to watch porn. He accidentally pulled up the browser on his phone and he was looking up ""hot"" photos of the girl on the reality TV show we watch 247. Porn is whatever, but this is gross to me and makes me so uncomfortable. Then he twisted it as if I am shaming him and he has no privacy. I just dont wanna know, I'm not stalking him, it's just awkward when I'm right fucking next to him and he leaves to masturbate then comes back. Like I'm right there.. I feel so unwanted. And what is worse is that I think he was masturbating in the middle of the night. I woke up in an angry panic when I saw him, but didnt wanna accuse him and I asked what hes doing. Then he angrily got up and started smoking. So then last night I saw him doing it again!!! And I asked him this time and he said no he wasnt. I feel so sick and uncomfortable for many reasons exceptionally cause its triggering AS FUUUUCK...AND HE KNOWS THIS. We even used to have sex a lot in the middle of the night. But now he wont touch me. 

It's a tactic and it hurts so bad. He keeps me up in this room and makes me so miserable and blames me for everything. I thought we were gonna move out of his parents house TOGETHER, but whenever I brought up looking for places he would get mad so I got myself a place, far away. He doesnt even care. 

The nothingness is what hurts. He even bangs and punches himself in the face when I'm crying and disassociating. He does it til I stop crying he says. He says I like seeing him hurt. Its absolutely sickening that he would twist my character because that is NOT ME. I want everyone to be happy.. even him if he isnt with me. But this is just crazy. Theres so much nothingness and no interaction or stimulation- I just disappear in this room. He told his parents I called them trash and told me not to talk to them too. I want someone to talk to and I always try when he get back no matter what cause I'm just so lonely and have no one else and idk where we stand cause he will kiss me before work and says he still cares about me, til after work. 

After last nights fight, he snuck out of bed at 6am for work. Another trigger is when he doesnt give me a head sup that he is working over the weekend, because I get excited to leave the room and something new. Its triggering when I think he will be here all weekend then just sneaks out of bed in the AM. I'm stuck in his bedroom all day while his family is downstairs. He wont even answer my text where I asked him if he was working a full day or not. Then didnt answer my long text about why he is doing this. Obviously no answer. But then he comes home and I will be alone again. The deprivation and being in a small room with him and being so blatantly ignored is so fucken triggering and hurtful. Theres like nothing else I can do. I'm moving out, I got me help, I am trying to get more help, I tried to get us help, and him help, and even make lists for him to get things done. I try to make him a better person.",1.7084396671289888,3.515260453074436,3.2157085067036526,91.66336165048546,78.77346278317152,6.323670827554324,22.281668978270922,7.275411538584625,0.5877523347202961,4624,139,1045,59,112,1519,399,1236,0.198,0.7240000000000001,0.079,-0.9995,3,5,3,0,3,0,144.0,8,6,6,9,78,62,10,12,42,1,92,19,8,25,11,205,202,134,0,17,39,2,8,8,1,9,3,16,14,3,46,86,0,8,21,9,0,21,37,37,0,3,55,38,155,24,131,130,16,181,0,8,12,9,166,74,4,10,90,673,201,5,0.0,0.08805698570540436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769730525908093,0.0,0.0,0.06184015053265286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793094574235518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389582381854551,0.04227483511539762,0.034913018889086836,0.1428686316344381,0.06205405238396629,0.09060950119538166,0.0,0.031620400989160816,0.0,0.0,0.03286497730932849,0.0,0.041276354097473975,0.0,0.0,0.15177795312020007,0.12750333248667226,0.07577414033437757,0.15269411830551666,0.0,0.06402005461910065,0.0,0.0,0.08335614143730115,0.0,0.0,0.08163697327978447,0.09586043648034233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503788748558523,0.07605511032298118,0.1742048515216681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062084780176908765,0.0,0.032912707379069546,0.0,0.0,0.19635049937898366,0.0,0.0,0.035507947698685934,0.10019096586935262,0.0,0.0700622328380727,0.0,0.09394599716094662,0.026547092914799487,0.0,0.04070693525039525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870759451669285,0.15531642192517744,0.035647233200642045,0.10559434813638834,0.03116802322365057,0.1486011295399893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955748340569995,0.03328803782186685,0.0,0.0762737081382191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996301893355252,0.0,0.0745489677026919,0.0,0.036595089171877114,0.08575524181243734,0.19890260412097024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03302949236885323,0.0,0.0,0.10211074971288736,0.09087101567703497,0.08383613869609302,0.19673523542303464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523589054058947,0.0,0.032812937923742305,0.09865622314034132,0.21843513479873986,0.0,0.0,0.031592081118056885,0.0,0.0,0.09921828502797213,0.03767438123868383,0.037332188613382035,0.04047810560368964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899034323398545,0.05463371327511602,0.05510729987080438,0.02866006285793362,0.035889334534562986,0.039520054015414134,0.2092327103866237,0.0,0.035655997349384384,0.08461375359219668,0.0,0.0,0.07554168045318746,0.05652366957599515,0.03954083240472177,0.04359922303090456,0.08252350728096683,0.0,0.0,0.025762047156909947,0.032446656048357225,0.07764852765343669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038206642349450086,0.0,0.03989590544056013,0.0,0.06346882966839727,0.24743351435613195,0.2068577202195328,0.07440723334793771,0.0,0.02961168823165433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038144179400193504,0.03073911456781263,0.0,0.03718681057886142,0.0,0.12594210183108331,0.05721512705309285,0.036752164553072716,0.0,0.07890606276668602,0.0,0.029676003309757743,0.031067402252722063,0.0,0.0,0.08507855977425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027939675899833063,0.2090744570511052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937487119929628,0.047621221885744934,0.0,0.05900173723612685,0.043336559448932326,0.0,0.0,0.1065238430960578,0.0,0.1766042821363656,0.08083876210944953,0.0,0.0,0.04469887344332114,0.03209428655013573,0.0,0.0,0.1095895775000176,0.08848757333463084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03444766827126598,0.03353109675198067,0.04148778401228849,0.0,0.07164177793195636,0.0,0.1352645185533239,0.0,0.03786918826309714,0.07919213826535053,0.0,0.0,0.023929804976342908
bpd,Kir900150,2019/06/15,"How do we maintain friendships? My main focus here is friendships. I have been friends with some ladies that I feel really close to. But lately I've been feeling excluded which makes me feel irrationally angry. I feel the need to suddenly exclude them and make them hurt as much as I do. I feel the need to be malicious and mean. But I dont want to be that person either so I've just started ignoring them. Which just makes me sad and angry. <p>
I've always had a hard time with friendships. I tend to feel like a last resort friend or like I'm not understanding the dynamic and so I dont get close to many females. I have always had an easier time with guys because they tend to be more straight forward in their thinking. There is less hidden meaning and chances for self doubt.
<p> 
The end result is that I feel lonely and missing female friendship. I'm not familiar with girl time and I get awkward about letting people know me. I don't ever want to be that clingy friend but I want to be vulnerable.
<p> 
I suppose to sum this up, I just feel really insecure sure about my ability to make friends and to have last friendships. Is it me that has the irrational thinking or is it truly something my friends did? I tend to have that thought pattern a lot and it mostly makes me feel crazy. BPD makes us all just feel crazy.",3.1379898218829503,5.3449475,3.6652099236641256,88.22862913486006,75.90839694656489,6.6567430025445296,26.947201017811715,7.645422480735847,1.528739949109414,1063,42,209,15,24,333,130,262,0.155,0.685,0.16,0.7641,0,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,5,0,12,17,0,3,9,0,26,0,0,8,3,66,63,19,0,5,12,0,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,12,16,0,1,17,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,11,31,9,24,51,9,16,0,4,0,0,16,6,0,6,13,137,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217155185750934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940430001917205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122734211787744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22842013537352865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863113169279479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814863598057693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927338636521363,0.06961792974655356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764461421048895,0.0,0.10182666502106097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649030862924916,0.0,0.0,0.087295595262388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432168648026033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355568704034425,0.15886866924136986,0.1099272608247284,0.0,0.0,0.09964869822809176,0.0,0.09521778954086722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284806516792642,0.0,0.0,0.3902897175306245,0.09879847992159622,0.0,0.21230210940500086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163658229523143,0.14451511294440714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755920110926025,0.08508912928940121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485726761137828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166106315666924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502137255491728,0.0,0.0,0.06897524526067032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918449839589515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488338705586174,0.0,0.0773640038668678,0.17047073068542246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144834798989863,0.11721972877084508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243468876618434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,better-oblivion,2019/06/15,"It only takes one tiny thing to screw up my mood and I can’t deal I’m trying to be positive. The last three weeks have been awful. It’s the evening here, and all I want to do is get wasted, or go on dating apps, but I’m trying to get sober and not use sexual attention to validate myself. But one tiny tiny thing has sent me into a rage and now I feel bleak, and sick, and stupid",1.1254388984509447,2.4604656746987987,3.1089845094664383,93.89156626506028,79.0,6.670567986230638,16.676419965576592,7.447530270364453,-0.13212426850258166,293,4,71,4,7,99,60,83,0.209,0.718,0.073,-0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,3,1,7,2,0,1,1,16,17,9,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,3,2,1,6,0,8,14,1,9,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,4,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956340039868786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894003763193532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499301827910455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996375242664923,0.0,0.16297068222374506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23374532950259386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886280979067429,0.21809171501990346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156056703255037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810173833198719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893785287261178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476660856793316,0.0,0.0,0.16913678170276275,0.0,0.2300192684211763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FusciaFox,2019/06/15,"Why does everyone with BPD think they are an empath? This is something I very commonly see in our fellow Bpd warriors. They all claim to be empaths, and that they are spiritually awakened so to speak. The thing is, being sensitive does not mean you are an empath. Simply being able to pick up on other people's energies around you is not an empath. If you're an empath, you dont just pick up on it, you FEEL it like its your very own feelings. Empaths have a better intuition than most people, and people with BPD severely lack that trait. If they didn't, perceived abandoned would not be so prevalent. Hence BPD being so impulsive in nature. This is more of a vent than anything.",4.0074755244755265,6.074423761538463,4.722167832167834,82.25646853146854,72.92307692307692,7.18881118881119,25.66433566433567,8.00094639256281,1.6476923076923078,539,18,97,8,11,173,83,130,0.04,0.8859999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.5393,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,5,4,1,5,3,0,0,7,0,16,0,0,2,1,23,21,7,0,4,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,4,11,2,15,14,5,8,0,1,1,0,12,7,0,3,2,74,20,0,0.14335006245342555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796488718226684,0.12761194756167524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678148102079315,0.0,0.0,0.7221775418130301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508932113440331,0.0,0.16800520557985835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697712780621568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496419752779566,0.10240931325942404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003359962340243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561502425226137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981426515471973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423144018022865,0.0,0.0,0.16194476759932824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035788152704756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523541180235172,0.09185293179832583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655762871421385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935113468832266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183177145269427,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trustfundyolo,2019/06/15,"Best medicine for BPD? I'm on Paxil and Depakote for it. The depakote makes my emotions not so crazy and more stable, also helped anger. I'm still impulsive though with my spending and still feel empty and worthless. What else has worked for yall",3.112127659574469,5.822049148936178,2.637702127659576,92.89400000000002,78.78723404255321,4.611063829787233,24.293617021276606,5.6839178017228535,0.4658289361702129,198,7,37,1,5,58,37,47,0.151,0.6829999999999999,0.166,0.2165,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,5,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,5,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,5,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469442160163013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32406256914127785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889180141210995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25795960796568795,0.3473541712281532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561366410803329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697958911432351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612386671832725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493210101281523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30339070656970324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480731720886826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,limppjuice,2019/06/15,I just want quiet I just want peace and quiet. My entire has been full of abuse and abandonment and numerous mental illnesses. i’m tired of people and i’m tired of myself. consciousness is a burden.,1.4442982456140356,4.130054657894739,3.3378947368421072,82.41192982456144,94.52631578947368,6.743859649122808,16.859649122807017,7.793537801064563,1.2626175438596494,159,4,27,4,6,53,25,38,0.39299999999999996,0.484,0.12300000000000001,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,7,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.382889569450057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32566741176968794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403717467825893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7428455194108198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812141041082229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EmmyMerri920,2019/06/15,"Might be going back in for IOP soon CW: Self harm, suicide

Things have literally been worse than they’ve ever been before now that I’ve graduated college. Like school’s all I’ve ever been good at growing up and so without it I feel so empty and hopeless lately. Worse yet is I’m disappointed at myself even more than I already was bc after going so long without it I’ve fallen back into habitual self harm to the point where I’m doing it over things as simple as forgetting something at the grocery store.

I’ve been in IOP once before and it literally saved my life but I don’t want to go back even tho my therapist thinks I should. I know if I go back none of the people that were in my group last time will be there this time and even if that’s a stupid reason to be resistant I just hate the idea of having to open up to a whole new set of strangers. But mostly I really just don’t want to get better again. I really am not sure I see the point anymore of getting better just to get worse sometime in the future. I just want to keep sinking lower and lower until everyone leaves me and I don’t have a reason to keep holding on.",3.0959905437352258,4.401473268085108,4.615709219858157,85.22361111111111,73.76595744680851,7.094562647754137,23.268321513002363,7.594959193182576,0.9639739952718672,898,24,185,11,18,301,130,235,0.162,0.754,0.084,-0.9678,2,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,23,12,2,0,9,0,21,1,0,2,4,40,40,17,1,6,11,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,10,8,0,3,6,0,1,6,7,6,0,0,6,2,17,6,34,28,5,42,0,2,1,0,3,16,0,4,20,130,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646165998080725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046634072486658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246028448961385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960681782305504,0.0,0.0,0.18667612704781375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091167051268331,0.19092680590958094,0.0,0.10084422230721536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053362199938816135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541469722668062,0.0,0.2399142864175283,0.08851863502543654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419500419229344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913735914657925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876105878832516,0.0,0.0,0.0579998553077959,0.08602596977236263,0.1190492658121188,0.11174744305144436,0.0,0.0,0.07454323605792593,0.05155958518409255,0.0,0.0,0.0933960868214584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195707563848888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192737865262293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239245325488006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316541166012071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995313667171723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521819727812315,0.2170172811673259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680812101466433,0.08409857129071456,0.0,0.22019424189560785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124681044423182,0.10437785602006464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543931395225315,0.0,0.09946648198823632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253549295996258,0.14022692975286286,0.06762324208567277,0.0,0.0,0.1230778436473736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867436970969951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782723545364995,0.0,0.2034659801113127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32265076586830344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fr3sh_start-again,2019/06/15,"Ruining my life BPD is ruining my life. I constantly lie. I manipulate. I'm narcissistic and am ruining my relationship. When I lack the attention I feel like I deserve, I seek it out elsewhere, which means I cheat on my SO. I was not honest with him and he found out on his own. He asks me questions about the affair and I can't remember specific details. I don't remember any physical interactions with said person, but a ""friend"" who was there is telling my SO that other things did happen. Why can't I remember details and why do I feel like DBT isn't helping me at all. I'm trying to understand myself and BPD but I feel like a fraud. I'm trying not to spiral, but I don't want to deal with myself anymore&I don't want my SO to have to deal with me.",2.21642396313364,4.135771974193548,4.486566820276501,82.61556451612904,77.64516129032258,8.557603686635945,25.91013824884793,9.23628265651192,2.3032396313364054,596,23,123,16,14,207,81,155,0.142,0.802,0.057,-0.8132,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,4,0,14,2,0,1,1,32,28,12,0,3,5,0,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,6,11,0,0,11,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,4,27,5,15,23,3,7,0,3,0,0,17,5,0,1,5,84,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753442215868154,0.0,0.09259668197996833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272956365656483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429894077919748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714569383171766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28075970407188866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654692807092376,0.29182831927215924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929759228463907,0.10520052841454187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204100162268426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126834463528216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923543436350549,0.19956961940466975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832330308956218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889378535700515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525356542548574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618995593887982,0.4627442675584234,0.0,0.12952383445327054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901397095808425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904617925750183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848938197615866,0.0,0.0,0.14175228036134313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062696488948866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457349696728953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EllieJurgen,2019/06/15,"Terrified Hello, I'm a 17 boy from France, my sister is on therapy and has been diagnosed with BPD, depression, PTSD and anxiety, I unfortunately have the same symptoms as we went through similar traumatic events and will be going to therapy very soon ( 7th therapist so far, none worked out, bad luck, but the one I'm going to is apparently very nice)

The thing is I'm very scared of BPD, and the stigma around it, I've seen a lot of people say that BPD sufferers are abusive people and deserve to die or stay alone and suffer, I'm also worried that it might not be treatable, I'm looking for answers and clarity on this.

I really just want to get better, I can't live with it anymore and I just want to be able to live a normal life.

I currently have no friends, girlfriend, no school, no work, nothing, I don't get out of the house because I'm depressed and don't feel like doing anything most of the time, I despise myself.

 Hope you can help me out, thanks.",7.774514252472367,6.016589371727751,8.193472949389182,74.11852821407797,63.65968586387434,11.630250145433392,36.929028504944725,10.504223727775694,3.6792194299011056,754,30,149,15,9,251,122,191,0.254,0.615,0.131,-0.9826,2,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,0,3,6,14,1,1,9,0,18,3,0,0,0,32,36,14,1,4,5,1,1,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,7,16,0,0,2,0,1,3,8,7,0,1,3,4,12,7,22,28,4,15,0,4,2,0,9,7,0,6,5,93,19,3,0.11790651382225985,0.1396999386635588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221155895757966,0.0,0.09428979650521103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019816034970866,0.0,0.11693157928630787,0.0,0.0,0.09702701458966052,0.104961794934374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844701408321443,0.0718747164573543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427872990457504,0.0,0.0,0.4454973799378465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031054151700105,0.1196726296169757,0.1223683463096724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961707608288315,0.08423243703345784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910942800993245,0.0,0.1232025741204712,0.0,0.13401797792373513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903025085241708,0.0,0.0,0.11710777222575892,0.0,0.13604828651931586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328085762253305,0.0576031669654985,0.0,0.2082272237050526,0.0,0.09901177609638144,0.0,0.0,0.10023990167485043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508017855354134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155233496225614,0.11313447996872107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989650521052499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348306173951396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782640506061433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755339319233754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376399221240328,0.11804498929372333,0.11932768671647648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567265577367728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255001345915865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855247668781627,0.2696727484206497,0.1368985501914026,0.07833184866376221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875223638882695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291855666217259,0.1390886334096097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930051956804897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716746926448146,0.11973978810488428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spilledmychips,2019/06/15,"I (m) broke it off with my partner(f) with bpd last night, and she has my dogs support vest and wouldn’t give it back. For “taking the relationship from her” and “abandoning” her. Apparently note letting her control my life and sift thru my texts is the same as tossing the partnership and abandoning her. She creates these ultimatums that if I don’t follow thru with, then she treats me like a perpetrator or actively inflicting harm to her. When the opposite is true. 

Context: 

We were sitting at a bar when a good friend  texts about her cats. This friend is getting married to the love of her life by  the way. And my partner just blows up and demands to be able to look thru my texts m. Which I decline and refuse that I have to prove my trust and word when I explained who this was to her. 

As we sat there I also noticed the stories of others not willing to deal with her any longer and she made up a story as to why her friends didn’t want to hang out with us.  It all started coming together that she could barely keep her stories between her friends together anymore. 

I realized that I by choice has let her for some time thru my phone, let her destroy my healthy friendships with women because she doesn’t believe I can control myself if “suddenly a woman throws herself at me.”  

But to top the punishment off she is treating me like a criminal for having friends, she’s keeping my dogs support vest.That was left in her car. And refusing to return it. 

Tl:dr broke up with partner last night when she decided my word wasn’t valid when a female friend text me, she’s now holding my dogs support vest hostage as payment for “taking the relationship away” abandoning her”",7.420371517027862,6.798510294117648,7.017523219814239,78.59148606811146,63.70588235294118,10.076780185758516,37.26625386996904,9.325443323948027,3.2874965944272443,1327,59,255,20,17,416,170,323,0.098,0.74,0.162,0.9633,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,0,3,11,25,2,0,16,0,23,4,0,3,3,52,41,26,0,5,6,0,0,2,8,2,2,0,0,4,14,22,1,10,4,1,0,5,6,8,0,0,7,1,56,17,47,27,3,35,0,5,1,1,50,12,0,4,18,186,70,0,0.1067329698733482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535431744615665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258207954336761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585042610981102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027913863052977,0.08207106559955595,0.0,0.06506342777518319,0.0,0.0,0.12025150729965058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442643919074354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919410027628636,0.0,0.0,0.2394202028032013,0.08521759150306572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003700531044204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947697665694174,0.0,0.05576357151794877,0.10238799031611054,0.0,0.08952255121830789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973833541433344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400323181300567,0.0,0.0,0.11596568406384787,0.32742507922635244,0.1507773061809293,0.10428867557913114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962881330824878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633067244406016,0.1009933167894095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032332387293889,0.0,0.0,0.1215161936221681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291825318901305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554614542793696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633579281080756,0.0,0.0,0.16049982052552966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223685305695637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838662107367665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295387098719545,0.08471966347465007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630990405921676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,streetratangel,2019/06/15,Coping with being cut off by fp ? I posted a few days ago about a breakup and said person who broke up with me was my fp. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with going from constant conversation to literally nothing so quickly? Im trying to be okay but i constantly think about them to the point where i know it's overbearing and obsessive and giving me bad anxiety. We agreed to not talk and i want to be okay with that but i have this constant pit in my stomach knowing that i may never talk to them again and regretting everything i ever did or said wrong.,4.287105263157893,5.332833807017547,5.390307017543861,81.79756578947371,70.57894736842105,8.50701754385965,27.407894736842106,8.841846274778883,2.0191789473684207,450,15,89,8,8,149,80,114,0.179,0.743,0.078,-0.9089,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,2,0,8,8,1,1,3,2,8,1,1,1,2,23,16,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,4,2,14,2,19,8,1,17,0,2,0,0,11,6,0,2,9,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685372130026809,0.15288563221976192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728657557606535,0.0,0.13194027185809956,0.0,0.0,0.1205961254031592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400654904043644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5591414564083356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122988843361112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093102503164324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601040083400672,0.0,0.0,0.15500631772440174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545043679985436,0.0980195625530156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629888182161505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895717184766366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302070014429604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549111407288244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505955142627633,0.0,0.0,0.16304137259408866,0.0,0.16518007960527675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281198996264615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27725221476395145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051281199851122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709686838296228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172819508338636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857057658343213,0.0,0.0
bpd,psych_research19,2019/06/15,"(TW: Trauma) Study Advertisement: Experiences of Trauma Survivors (Moderator Approved) Have you experienced a traumatic event? If so, we want to hear about your experiences.

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We are graduate students in the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences at Harvard University working on a study that seeks to better understand the experiences of trauma survivors. This study has been approved by the Committee on the Use of Human Subjects at Harvard University.

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This study will be completed online at a single time point and participation is completely voluntary. If you complete our study, you will be entered into a lottery that will give you a chance to win a $50.00 Amazon gift card. If you qualify for the study, the entire study will take about 5 minutes to complete.

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A few important things to know about the study are:

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2. Participation is voluntary. The link we provide will send you to a website that asks some questions to determine whether you are eligible to participate. If you are eligible, we will provide you with a description of the study and you can decide whether or not you want to participate. Also, if you start to participate and decide you no longer feel comfortable or are no longer interested, you can end your participation without any penalty or punishment.

3. This study will include only trauma survivors fluent in English who are 18+ years old.

4. We will also provide links to treatment and informational resources throughout the study. 

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To participate, go to the following link:

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If you are not interested in participating but you know someone who might be, please feel free to forward this information and the link to the study.

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Thanks for your consideration!",8.266282051282055,11.411157493464053,7.664052287581699,61.07746606334845,63.934640522875824,10.59004524886878,38.89341377576672,10.64471489884176,5.233665057818,1547,83,208,45,26,484,152,306,0.042,0.8490000000000001,0.109,0.9502,0,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,6,19,0,5,6,12,1,0,22,0,28,0,0,1,1,51,45,21,0,8,15,0,2,0,0,10,0,1,0,1,10,13,0,1,16,1,1,5,5,5,0,0,2,4,25,8,37,29,4,21,0,0,0,0,36,11,0,12,7,151,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445088707076045,0.0,0.4215410312166107,0.4727445227539364,0.05291416096385952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274279876128646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881752278741726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079168634081601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891746702687722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283423211329696,0.0,0.0,0.07868717802004993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464341934589594,0.044221795078104385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769867319809467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552580187800489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254519445853843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164957489469804,0.0,0.0,0.0591787860138031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541313231307919,0.07355656340752398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716614882286207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874890504799513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592902363115072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507503952107797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058504202355376615,0.0,0.0,0.07163793177122915,0.0,0.0,0.051694183323213586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537223073874836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100401461098683,0.0,0.06720373713396588,0.0,0.0,0.09178990967664824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500704532609077,0.0,0.056647348332294276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727445227539364,0.05010774490297608
bpd,FamousBother_10,2019/06/15,"Am i expecting too much communication? background info:  partner lives with me,  is also mentally unwell, and sucks as executive functioning, meaning I basically run the house hold, and they have a bad memory.  


my partner told me he would be home around mid-day, early afternoon. i had things to do that required him, bc I have lost my house keys, and we don't have a spare. so me going out requires him to be home.  


i had to return my library books, go to the shops, and go to the laundry mat.  i have to go to the laundry mat at a certain time, bc the price changes depending on the time.  


it takes him about 2 hours to get home from where he went. by the time I realized he hadn't messaged me about coming home yet, it was already too late for me to do the laundry. my friend had come over earlier, and if he had let me know the change of plans, i could have given her my library books to return, but now they're going to be overdue.  


there was no bread, so I wasn't able to make what I wanted for dinner. he walks in, in the middle of my dinner, with bread.   


i have no clothes clean and now I'm busy until friday, so I don't know what I will wear all week  


i feel shitty because not only do i have to do all this,  but he's actively making it hard on me.",3.2373376068376065,3.9289093576923086,4.702564102564104,87.07465811965814,72.73076923076924,7.623931623931623,25.5982905982906,7.793537801064563,1.2009572649572648,963,29,213,12,18,323,140,260,0.071,0.888,0.040999999999999995,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,1,4,14,5,1,0,13,0,30,5,1,3,3,36,52,15,0,5,4,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,5,2,8,13,4,3,6,3,2,10,7,3,0,0,12,2,34,2,33,33,3,34,0,1,0,0,17,10,1,2,14,144,42,4,0.1254424030176108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842881105288854,0.10031624437209144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116703340195256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473916678703052,0.07646852456524555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654028586471419,0.2161150455404376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015555146832864,0.0,0.0,0.08089997235528147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634274480881879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691648939807128,0.0,0.06553847813245016,0.0,0.3564590422811009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123717537047866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5033158327001189,0.0,0.12353549852450435,0.2894873817257997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787972819245234,0.0,0.1415044944903478,0.0,0.0,0.12827335606833706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076794007591148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369352012164541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674675561809567,0.0,0.0,0.1366435515867562,0.0,0.0,0.12641643787368415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221459980582546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540460014606313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431707556956648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333835859150862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21943942194195507,0.0,0.0,0.119865591799409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398917940037937,0.0,0.10062232913162043,0.0,0.0,0.11628636435098245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911068398534107,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skippythelunchboy,2019/06/15,"I think I might have BPD and it terrifies me. Any support or advice? This is a long one, sorry.

I know it’s not a substitute do r an actual medical diagnosis, but I took 10 or 15 online tests and they all told me that I was at severe risk for having BPD and should consult a psychotherapist (or something to that effect). I have made an appointment with my therapist to discuss it.

When it hit me that I might have it, I immediately felt relief, anger, fear, and self-hatred. All very intensely and all coming in waves. I was relieved because there might be an actual reason for the way my brain has always seemed to work. I was angry and hating myself because I don’t want to be “different,” I just want to be like everyone else. I was scared because I don’t want to hurt people or be avoided.

I also began to dissociate, which happens whenever I come under high stress, and walked the 40 minutes uphill to my house. I barely remember it, but I do remember that nothing felt or looked familiar despite the fact that I’d walked home that way many times before. When I got home I deleted my Instagram and Snapchat accounts. I haven’t talked to a single one of my friends all day. Right now I’m hungry, but can’t find the motivation to actually eat food.

If anyone is wondering what symptoms I have, here’s a list:
-Dissociation under stress
-Excessive and poorly regulated emotions
-Impulsive decisions
-Paranoia
-Feeling empty and bored a lot of the time
-Intense fear of abandonment (has led to many panic attacks and depressive episodes)
-Hitting self when angry (not so much anymore, but I still get that “itch” to hit myself or a hard object whenever I get mad)
-Incredibly unstable/unhealthy relationships (if any)
-Suicidal thoughts (in the past)
-Self harm (in the past)

I’m 17 right now, 18 in September. My mom is unsure if I have BPD because regular teenage hormones are apparently a lot like the symptoms of BPD, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

I don’t know what I’m going to do if I end up being actually diagnosed with BPD. My aunt (not blood-related, divorced my uncle a few years ago) has BPD and my whole family hates her. I’m scared that I’ll turn out like her— abusive and lying and manipulative. 

Right now I guess I’m mostly just panicking. Can anyone help? I’m sorry if any statements I made are harmful or generalizing.",3.8054201007326007,5.956650986607148,5.325714285714287,77.33979853479856,73.73214285714286,8.523443223443223,28.67467948717949,9.197007762596977,2.737419803113553,1854,77,334,44,39,624,232,448,0.237,0.687,0.075,-0.9981,2,1,1,0,2,0,67.0,0,0,1,3,13,27,5,9,21,0,37,8,2,7,5,82,77,36,1,9,22,2,4,3,1,4,5,0,2,2,19,19,2,2,18,0,2,7,9,20,0,2,13,5,46,7,30,52,11,39,0,3,1,0,14,13,0,21,20,213,65,4,0.0,0.07692957223852535,0.2534431261173373,0.0,0.0,0.06344731023039941,0.05755513553593462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051923241921190855,0.05402565497255065,0.0,0.0,0.13246067643798226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643915556565479,0.09079893567382867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386546236688027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831907285645494,0.0,0.05524931162747015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906505070777426,0.07248160087286802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118601863800154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187346588096115,0.0,0.055922761519553874,0.06590098960075585,0.0,0.06783638991816612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643799317284013,0.05423937173492574,0.07303574449309465,0.05750731709927659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204189720203405,0.0,0.0,0.06120874521347716,0.14612506959768934,0.032829765030986204,0.0,0.12468294965454982,0.0,0.05934340863737825,0.0,0.07851171514335886,0.0,0.05016354386736368,0.0,0.06784484958578876,0.0,0.036900322980007366,0.0,0.051929196704135934,0.0,0.07152598561444742,0.0,0.05741599611804093,0.0,0.05816311993379765,0.128206764674534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043520157919480364,0.06860045099187026,0.13025701823086028,0.0,0.0,0.07491869062964326,0.06950722707382379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136593407953043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516225354069027,0.0,0.0,0.05745961726985896,0.0545235284606333,0.0,0.0,0.11039965845152704,0.0,0.12287370052224812,0.0,0.13165447396708674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540856229206181,0.0,0.2066364106604794,0.0,0.07604339235393633,0.0,0.0,0.04772986672650742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230057960427749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799436890235529,0.0,0.0,0.07617952285854136,0.0,0.0,0.12396306626078467,0.04501319803065134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675723973670229,0.0,0.06970883491013209,0.14710250803790528,0.16634557307711584,0.0,0.0,0.13000937034249804,0.0,0.0,0.05910840402619196,0.20320353820393824,0.07335064462746672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998507744170006,0.0,0.14536412297524282,0.0,0.0,0.05185192797778479,0.0,0.14875059412643898,0.0,0.0,0.07102116398379504,0.07368001279700864,0.0,0.1349709986049958,0.0,0.05218701249650407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538691145500183,0.0,0.08320703235067514,0.0,0.05154592075284425,0.07572057921331225,0.0,0.0,0.06204189720203405,0.07213787462920662,0.0,0.0706234870470951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357275451054614,0.11488941055168993,0.10307433094643548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249027323890789,0.0,0.0,0.07041211254910204,0.04726867025028608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041811780083869314
bpd,Fleetingidentity,2019/06/15,"Trying to self injure, or make myself sick for attention Ever since I was young I’ve always tried to make myself break a bone, or I would expose myself to ill people in hopes of getting sick. If those didn’t work, I would pretend I had a sickness or that I fractured my ankle or something, in hopes of getting attention. I remember, when I was about 10, I knew someone who played soccer and she dislocated her shoulder. I wanted the attention she was getting, so I would kick around a soccer ball in my backyard, purposely falling and throwing myself on the ground to try to hurt myself. 

It’s fucked up, but I have had thoughts in the past wishing that I would be diagnosed with some serious, life threatening illness because I think that will get me the attention I want. That it will get people to care about me. Even now, I constantly have thoughts about over-exaggerating minor symptoms I have in hopes of getting special attention. I think a part of it is that I want to be physically ill to able excuse my behaviour and how shitty of a person I can be. It makes me feel frozen and like I can’t make any progress because I’m stuck, almost convincing myself in some cases that I AM physically ill. But I’m not. I know this is a horrible thought pattern but I can’t disengage from it.",7.439864615384612,6.697488328000003,7.769200000000001,73.61336923076924,63.72,10.732307692307693,36.43076923076923,10.035473477838034,3.5827846153846146,1022,43,188,19,13,336,133,250,0.168,0.703,0.129,-0.8817,0,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,2,10,11,1,0,10,0,24,14,2,5,1,49,54,15,0,12,9,0,1,1,0,6,11,0,1,2,14,6,0,0,14,5,0,2,4,3,0,0,11,1,38,8,28,34,3,19,0,1,0,1,7,10,1,11,7,136,52,1,0.11640914078713195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656693923276472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686173047673192,0.0,0.0,0.0791622075747796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362881547159147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192386350650876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868687729502013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579692608598356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815282750577565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768871396091464,0.10529873239104526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058859959285296824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076183748657992,0.3649138287070451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34686162882008786,0.0,0.0,0.12461839284374095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639754194145713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222321876524064,0.05687162613576851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108160216288117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260597554845066,0.11112569685015428,0.16140688188809438,0.10164397162544804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186886390603042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144012173123135,0.0,0.0,0.09629484419798427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863308722699676,0.08961744381398921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099366954176548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491805540426066,0.0,0.2772475642733293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23710249589332444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059833818792665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386476693892246,0.0,0.0,0.08474724091920742,0.0,0.0,0.33077485469505524,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,es1888,2019/06/15,"Recently diagnosed with BPD Hello

I was recently self-dingoesed with #BPD, by reading a lot about it and taking number of test, and when I learned more about it, it all made sense for me.Cause I was struggling a lot with its symptoms but didn't know why I am feeling this way. And I have been struggling for a long with self-harm but stopped a year ago. Really glad I did. Anyway when I found out that I have #BPD, someone has told me about reddit and this community so I just joined even though I barely know how to use it, still learning ;). So I'm asking you guys for advice, what should I do with it. (side-note: I'm really still hesitant about going to a therapist and I don't feel like going yet)

Thanks",2.2512587412587406,4.206490489510493,3.38811188811189,90.36370629370631,77.67132867132867,6.637762237762238,22.188811188811187,7.61054688173877,0.8224517482517482,552,16,117,8,13,178,87,143,0.1,0.816,0.083,-0.3276,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,0,16,5,0,2,5,0,12,2,0,3,1,29,27,13,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,11,0,1,7,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,8,2,14,3,17,18,4,15,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,12,81,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831572428734786,0.11639940095067182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275818830231085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961453445308543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489271001397846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327804096291526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672976820506709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278971363284287,0.09380870320375168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397588512240625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492542915506634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300186712990806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433033469195847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415198923089706,0.0,0.0,0.11620622498387885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327206754457773,0.0,0.1242497737187344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134667262989427,0.0,0.16824255479626668,0.0,0.2593078145054589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739723095978433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125950108215456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973048881044634,0.10978199106737042,0.0,0.27454982422415986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648255048870986,0.09872963388150516,0.0,0.0,0.12089365363600592,0.0,0.1524623519895088,0.0,0.0,0.12901252635353175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547341954656827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341066274866662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042286692910796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848787787793053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845600676486112
bpd,TommyLegs18,2019/06/15,"Cannot handle abandonment issues anymore- venting I’m 25 and I really can’t believe all the people I’ve met in my life and I have not one person who I can turn to. I’m losing more and more people. And gaining barely any. I live far from home and have gone years without visiting because of distance and cost. I’ve visited for a couple of weeks and my sister hasn’t even made an effort to see me much. Then a close friend from High school has ditched me three times during this visit. All I have is my (aging) grandmother. Without her, I could die and literally no one would notice for monthsss. I have such deep trust issues and get so scared of people leaving, I push them away before they can. And it’s just this sick cycle. And I really don’t know how long I can take it. I want to get married one day but I can’t be in a healthy relationship. When my gram is no longer here, I’ll have no reason to live. Her existence and knowing her love for me has stopped me from suicide multiple times. She keeps me going. But I’m getting emotionally and mentally weak by the rest of the world. My only question I keep asking myself is ‘why am I not lovable?’ I just needed to vent.",1.9356103329088583,4.034824376569038,3.521186101509916,88.32548299072222,79.2928870292887,6.164889939967256,22.52519556121521,7.255503002510835,0.8355223212661453,922,29,188,12,23,305,143,239,0.11,0.8029999999999999,0.087,-0.759,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,3,9,7,0,1,7,0,22,4,0,3,2,38,43,19,2,4,8,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,5,14,0,4,4,0,1,6,12,4,0,4,3,1,32,3,21,37,6,24,0,2,1,1,18,8,0,1,10,126,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386709316110252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122307980200398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529479007857565,0.0,0.11587047263666138,0.0,0.0,0.07517944639959788,0.0,0.10494282431474512,0.1389481319481477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846716614508276,0.13645979999885635,0.0,0.07953619047825944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799472451281071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872710948356126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145680998599829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952827069877976,0.0,0.19330096396717095,0.0,0.07008999746021963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303025298286738,0.12370778003654966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574442406933436,0.0,0.21923872604006284,0.0,0.0,0.13555540262047566,0.0,0.0,0.13058627089894775,0.0,0.0,0.08711003090301768,0.0,0.0,0.2178013100442541,0.10914117013803984,0.0,0.13797219648153544,0.0,0.0,0.1113081015446861,0.11669569074230415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242853562192594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906600801150185,0.09144595748144056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404094508618167,0.0,0.0,0.2507102077218111,0.09379630460682196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564997821851655,0.10768502671585137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381552951168308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801381810677698,0.1268014582455506,0.0,0.1324078400195361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347258372301408,0.12481425833258268,0.0982762425063092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310751396354936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490053206155006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272711311827407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438267954354462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414516806383142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274189712049388,0.0,0.09892607504279577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112841041051332,0.0,0.0,0.2377670832728049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760848896190469,0.0,0.0,0.07941902192762533
bpd,DiPaolos_Gay_Son,2019/06/15,I want to kill myself but not end up back in the hospital. I went once and they didn't do shit for me. Suicide hotline sucks. That is all.,-1.0380000000000005,1.0296988666666709,1.1016666666666666,100.5225,93.66666666666666,4.333333333333334,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.5129999999999999,106,3,26,1,4,35,29,30,0.314,0.5589999999999999,0.128,-0.8524,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,6,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867396281402998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302816498975289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125622632973047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971298558691555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827798898821373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078956974764845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994803436496987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456851051697994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crunchypancakesundae,2019/06/15,BPD treatment? Is anyone on medications for BPD? Do they help? Or is treatment mainly therapy based? I’m meeting with a psychiatrist next month and I’m terrified. I want to be in control of my emotions.,1.2398120300751891,3.6609078684210563,3.606090225563907,78.87763157894739,101.89473684210527,6.381954887218046,29.112781954887208,7.447530270364453,2.8179203007518816,161,9,27,4,7,55,32,38,0.10300000000000001,0.795,0.10300000000000001,-0.4515,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852601943912074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6673940808138564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29716554857073163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29803468778317954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759135294408246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669106829314844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114816969155264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817788426511824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029950413140289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627521309835646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,repeals,2019/06/15,TW i’m terrified i’m a pyscho/sociopath. i’m terrified i’m going to be a serial killer. i don’t want to be but i have such strong urges and intrusive thoughts all the time. i relate to serial killer auto biographies more than anyone else’s.,-0.1244000000000014,2.1614560600000026,2.6595000000000013,87.12725000000002,98.4,7.300000000000002,18.25,8.07648339933343,1.4977999999999998,193,6,39,6,8,67,34,50,0.266,0.625,0.109,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,8,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35507930259615195,0.5203212367978436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42421815070773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886056064881908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031520734636092,0.2961137182909654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29952518328277783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,namroom,2019/06/15,"ex still contacts me after breakup every week my ex contacts me to critique something in my life. we have been broken up for 3 weeks, he dumped me. and yet he contacts me weekly to tell me how he still loves and cares abt me and then degrade me as a person. today he contacted me asking how i was doing to then turn around and tell me how pissed off he is and that i’m “embarrassing him” by publicly posting on twitter things. the tweet was a guy tweeted and asked if me and dude were over so he could shoot his shot. i said “it’s your time to shine” jokingly and now i have publicly humiliated my ex. he told me to grow up and stop posting stuff for attention? i’m so lost. his words always hurt but it’s just like what is the point of coming to me to say all that when you broke off the relationship? i end up deactivating my social media bc he makes me feel so dumb and attention seeking. i feel like i’m stuck in a relationship without actually being with one.

anyone else dealt w this???? 

how do you get to the point this doesn’t affect how you view yourself? i’m over analyzing everything i do bc i feel like a terrible person. it sucks",2.4870600858369087,4.245209068669531,4.095989270386266,86.44630150214594,76.33905579399142,6.8917596566523605,24.096351931330474,7.734863291789972,1.1142963090128752,895,29,189,13,20,299,134,233,0.162,0.7809999999999999,0.057,-0.9716,0,0,1,1,0,0,18.0,1,4,0,1,15,16,4,1,8,0,14,3,1,7,1,34,34,24,0,2,4,3,3,3,0,0,1,2,0,3,10,14,0,1,5,1,0,2,2,10,0,1,8,7,32,6,27,24,1,32,0,3,2,1,39,13,3,1,18,121,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.12456242343233427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621028258283782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892518621110477,0.13078666917668494,0.0,0.1136304887471162,0.2386603786984239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014187042019484,0.0,0.0,0.10995426164871754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191358666566906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663043330078988,0.0,0.11305496255063105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075458276097878,0.0,0.11471846586803475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362237937739848,0.18237822618138114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668887818165171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263879247455477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664586265194084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015894365034627,0.18708167156717756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933883136939226,0.0,0.11520396389443513,0.0,0.08520356111230022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649508082378732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22290815776358872,0.0,0.0,0.24133024268427036,0.0,0.244495909617936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27408441630507724,0.0,0.0,0.1214189591060634,0.1015078702554366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011728874789746,0.0,0.09826681791651312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387380498333907,0.10671634994271256,0.0,0.0,0.14612218433382762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313348788362647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480120079590486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443041754577694,0.0,0.12099187090079568,0.12196959827976908,0.0,0.0,0.13884034390824945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071656730989993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304454975206185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thewriterscanvas,2019/06/15,"How do I know what to do now? I’m worried my relationship is falling apart. I’m worried we won’t be able to save it. I want to hurt myself SO badly. I want to be with them, I love them, but they seriously broke my trust and things have not been good and I don’t know how to move past it. Any advice?",-1.1441417910447775,0.7631906119402991,1.5896828358208952,98.58213619402989,90.64179104477614,4.544029850746268,15.83768656716418,5.985473137389443,-0.8087298507462686,229,5,59,2,8,79,44,67,0.247,0.601,0.153,-0.7212,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,3,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,13,16,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,12,4,6,12,0,5,0,2,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,39,16,0,0.2489240558056461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432457063945196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927689391743062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784118903295729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087856878879409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664783501097223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736043022886522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246636790086016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645668772490181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762617761050345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672512787079466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653740818554892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29364371502813674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055889234636889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carrotcatscookies,2019/06/15,"I've been showering! I know it seems like a stupid mundane thing, but whenever I don't see people for a while (I'm on summer break for college atm) I don't take care of myself for reasons, HOWEVER, I've been doing good, and staying on top of things!

And I'm not doing it for anyone but myself :) and even though I'm going through a low point right now, I dragged myself out of bed and took a shower!!!! I needed some positivity so I made my own (: I hope everyone has a great weekend

((((FYI I do have another account that I used to post on here but it was found by someone so I made a new one now featuring ~~ anonymity ~~))))",0.8883076923076949,2.860227830769233,3.2869230769230766,89.30807692307694,82.23076923076924,6.153846153846152,23.07692307692308,7.321109707123232,0.919,478,17,104,7,13,165,83,130,0.07,0.7040000000000001,0.22699999999999998,0.9767,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,6,0,10,0,0,4,0,19,26,11,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,5,0,0,4,1,2,2,3,2,0,1,7,1,14,5,14,19,2,19,0,1,1,0,0,8,0,3,7,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012649819337456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420834827900707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569480185526505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677402838419208,0.0,0.0,0.18340612664209735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104514208315471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908346802430867,0.16098949066414894,0.0,0.21161364060709206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906389295659441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548476218497077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377179568185423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632350152926618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232048138595774,0.0,0.185376071030719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006296627376268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306647073817698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814445799468578,0.0,0.18382469236311266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734546036778944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391502419074713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529506883356733,0.17473423482099132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262945745283394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045816440450859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431438786346915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550317454830122,0.0,0.18857928501766036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132515085225706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657738383939265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helioswan,2019/06/15,"Distancing myself from FP seems impossible DAE set a goal for yourself like “don’t text them back for x number of hours so they’ll miss you” and then fail every fucking time bc you want to talk to them 24/7 and don’t want them to move on to someone else? 

Does anyone have advice relating to this?",4.596,5.354124600000002,5.010000000000002,85.86000000000001,69.66666666666666,8.0,25.0,8.07648339933343,1.2270000000000008,236,6,49,3,4,75,48,60,0.08800000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.111,-0.3266,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,4,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,9,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,8,0,7,0,2,0,1,7,1,1,1,5,27,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903657176309751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077700222540548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848542575016226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26003275250193336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482257173783077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25035667007165424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27470487758265816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29262702505600224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516956899818328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158170901039511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705087747733005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25176918148113103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23883312435999346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732670797458965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505265079733037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AttemptingIdentity,2019/06/15,"I feel like I talk too much and it pushes people away. Please tell me if I’m being crazy... I got super comfortable with my FP and although we have had our moments, I’ve always learned something about myself after we get mad at eachother. He just told me my “changing the subject” and “random topics” and “drama” are too much when all I was trying to do is involve him in my life because that’s what he said he wanted me to do. Now I feel like no matter who it is, I will eventually annoy them. 

The real kicker is that this all got brought up because he was sending random stuff (which is out of character for him) and I was like “why you being weird” and he said “now you know how it feels from my end” and I just hurts knowing that the one person I felt I trusted and could talk to is annoyed with me because I can’t stick to one subject.

I told him I understand that I can be too much sometimes and I’d like for him to tell me what is ok to send and what isn’t, and he told me I’m being dramatic and selfish, even though my therapist told me I need to ask people things like that so I can learn when I’m being “too much.” 

At this point, I feel alone. I have two people to talk to, which is my FP and my best friend, and my best friend even admitted she doesn’t read most of what I send because she doesn’t have time to reply, which I get because she’s working full time and in nursing school full time and she’s a mom. But my FP just says everything is drama, even if I tell him about my health issues, like my ovary rupturing or me hurting my ankle. 

Please help. This is the first time in a long time that I have felt completely destroyed.",5.066061811505506,4.340974645348839,5.706517747858019,86.39711138310894,68.53488372093022,8.404895960832311,28.279681762545906,7.273561745256523,1.3346709302325577,1274,35,284,10,19,415,157,344,0.075,0.779,0.145,0.9723,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,3,2,1,5,20,22,4,0,6,1,33,2,0,1,2,51,60,26,0,5,7,1,6,6,2,1,2,3,0,1,22,21,0,0,12,3,0,5,5,8,0,4,15,9,58,14,28,38,11,30,0,2,0,0,46,11,0,6,20,201,80,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885139848417659,0.0,0.0,0.07111213551524559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798964506044189,0.0,0.08029538444205872,0.0,0.0,0.2604875260035356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937647638984622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040861509531606,0.0,0.08960642175715809,0.0,0.0,0.06823532156748871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756949291731814,0.0,0.0,0.16934269079299538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768087127962031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728508206705368,0.12210969427677765,0.16411593374998906,0.0,0.0,0.07269485898783704,0.0,0.0,0.13205713956576273,0.0,0.0893018722347252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670527733901955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084326610218144,0.0,0.0,0.05728410639699578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829800065718424,0.0,0.0,0.08920125985714432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393655621600792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036510649309591,0.25051768731577617,0.0,0.0,0.07563214350708768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009333574687077,0.0,0.0,0.2513008127345808,0.06336979684780539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582400045204624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774803322365754,0.07462307197033789,0.0,0.1876256130648757,0.08079024226447172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548621551815118,0.09727570438689412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258993506275898,0.06796367780905402,0.0,0.08649320770522341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579366048556401,0.08452517931038081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783478888709693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060759785331301,0.22409551753137646,0.0,0.0,0.0992292322265725,0.0567778781508333,0.0,0.08396705003312765,0.0,0.2491710694227484,0.0,0.0,0.3266545720691842,0.0,0.05802382680267915,0.0,0.08348501869658632,0.08897008861818337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040834357041106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711714398051514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622181459192239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justasadlemon,2019/08/15,How did you guys get the diagnosis? I’m nervous because I feel I have a lot of the traits of bpd(not so much in the past year but before) and am unsure about how to mention it to a doctor especially because of stigma and also I don’t have medical insurance. How did you guys go about getting the diagnosis?,4.7801612903225825,5.335561693548389,6.632419354838714,75.11862903225808,69.16129032258064,9.425806451612903,33.24193548387097,9.516144504307137,3.0993419354838703,243,11,47,5,4,85,42,62,0.077,0.9229999999999999,0.0,-0.5283,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,0,6,2,0,3,0,8,11,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,8,9,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,36,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871963737835256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182033541629674,0.0,0.22208968203086904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32871726330252005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671420402411025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196819764999002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727208833575454,0.0,0.1483309159166344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168571945151746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218907740166797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26292756187604044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186322168392916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24915168314731326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807385776285666
bpd,rebahaze,2019/08/15,"TWF that guy that ghosted you is still on your mind and it's already been 3 weeks but you still re read those sweet nothing texts and damn it must've been your fault. I never even met the guy, but spent weeks talking to him, hyping up the day of meet, getting too into it. Day of? Bailed on. Told a few days later that he's going through stuff and it has nothing to do with me. Then radio silence since. And my dumb desperate ass has sent maybe four or so texts since that start with ""so, I might be a dumb ass for trying, BUT..."" and obviously I get nothing back and I'm just left looking like an idiot.


I've been trying to get into other guys through a stupid amount of other dating apps and I've had some alright connections, but not getting that spark that I felt with this dude. I feel like a stupid brat that's having a depressive mental temper tantrum because I'm not getting my way.


Am I just an idiot or does this happen to other people too? Sorry, needed to vent and I apologize if it doesn't make much sense.",2.11378036437247,4.054786278846159,3.0890890688259134,92.41380566801621,78.03846153846155,5.340485829959515,21.04352226720648,6.05967700443912,0.08886153846153855,798,21,168,5,19,254,124,208,0.24,0.687,0.073,-0.9923,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,0,0,10,15,9,0,9,1,13,2,2,1,2,33,32,18,1,2,11,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,19,13,0,0,2,2,1,2,4,11,0,1,9,4,15,4,19,21,4,22,0,1,1,2,15,6,5,5,15,108,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225590313062922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912419002760567,0.0,0.07858262265172232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494097553054875,0.0,0.11103039417412017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281041619077838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514414601458133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518100417411618,0.09209366159186977,0.12377426177439495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33675198557389274,0.0,0.07326278771462298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38292488136953207,0.1139950980184838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400615968593971,0.0,0.0,0.12595828286514954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082523232446456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604873605574563,0.0,0.1295078883280666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299114281448765,0.13675363127609622,0.13016282089611064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947640240310618,0.09558547600355737,0.09942369729564006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710792022486444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937028473877158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128945349496227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132721367064408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430471094558747,0.0912434902672017,0.0,0.20589612693030196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757164028693842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361334831847566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231794731603776,0.0,0.1750434869722683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023231264269274,0.2068083977150853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,awesomelikesoph,2019/08/15,"It feels like no one cares about me as much as I care about them. I dont know if this is a BPD thing or just a 'me being weird' type thing, and it's also late at night and I cant sleep because of my thoughts so I'm sorry in advance.

I just feel really fed up with the people in my life at the moment, specifically the people that are supposed to be my friends. I'm not sure if it's that I've set high expectations or if it's that everybody I've met has just been a bit crap, but it just feels like no one actually cares.

I always try to message people if it's their birthday, they're receiving results, they post something a bit off on social media, or if we just havent spoken in a little while. But, when it comes to me, no one ever cares. No one ever asks how I am but is more than willing to tell me about themselves, and even if I do try to vent to someone, they always turn it round to themselves to the point where I simply dont see the point in even trying.

I always treat people the way that I want to be treated - and I get unreasonably upset if I offend someone or I think that I may have, possibly, perhaps, even slightly, offended someone - yet it seems next to impossible to find someone that thinks of even asking how I've been getting on, even if it's out of politeness.

I get the urge to just cut everyone out so that I can leave them before they leave me, but then I get this impending fear of being so alone, I dont know what's worse anymore - having shit friends, or having no friends at all.

I dont know if that read well and I'm scared to read it back in case it triggers me to have a melt down lol, I just hope I can get to sleep now I've put this all into words.",5.6764204370575575,4.044497714681441,6.5812511542012935,83.59938673437982,67.69806094182826,9.462665435518618,30.02785472453063,7.984000788550335,1.7420008002462302,1309,36,301,13,18,439,169,361,0.132,0.746,0.122,0.1242,0,3,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,6,1,29,23,5,3,13,1,26,6,4,4,5,62,57,34,0,12,26,0,4,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,26,11,1,0,11,2,0,4,12,9,1,4,5,5,37,14,42,46,6,40,0,0,2,0,17,21,2,17,14,209,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.07439644373638415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895867709375334,0.0,0.06096680711572532,0.19030620378123805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560674966237185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425428547926951,0.0,0.0,0.05862164886206904,0.0,0.04647344821144877,0.0,0.06487218441369849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664624063433118,0.0,0.09601799926015192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109153490650702,0.0,0.0,0.06567153893540123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35739740484469235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517695342043888,0.13792170155463732,0.0,0.07284784693434869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578796896441884,0.11564335420369005,0.108927645023022,0.0,0.0,0.06967935772338868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670185778334266,0.0,0.1991537751422685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805487159299702,0.0,0.07572067419453553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256938023322248,0.0,0.0859988058325014,0.16144823055735966,0.0,0.0,0.05384854110725065,0.07449122386103316,0.07640963472666197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604306415980266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107905503810983,0.07154338417061744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066410153773709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141291340490528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413746398809762,0.0859459117710208,0.07301409880463647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663937474736061,0.0,0.0,0.152515526199194,0.0,0.048839459081982985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632666905639733,0.0,0.0607511239475843,0.06940342193295311,0.0,0.0,0.07825632069646388,0.0,0.0,0.1525843795881094,0.07771415555929984,0.2583818990225798,0.05869106901449093,0.0,0.08534122792669173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185259491518482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663461387316029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129712621106032,0.0976993520492255,0.0,0.06052376723531526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155280025380627,0.0829241078431765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496663583638585,0.06051348703276081,0.0,0.0,0.06854633760327138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769215088204683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teddyketola,2019/08/15,"It’s my birthday!!!:) I turned 17 an hour ago, and I kept checking every minute after it turned midnight for a text from my fp, but he didn’t text): We would always do cute things like that but he’s not so much in my life anymore... just bummed me out:,(

On the plus side I can sing along to Dancing Queen now!!!",3.5785384615384643,3.455444661538465,3.9998076923076944,95.32894230769232,71.61538461538461,6.5,23.94230769230769,3.1291,-0.027846153846153854,233,5,57,0,4,73,55,65,0.0,0.8690000000000001,0.131,0.8562,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,8,2,9,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26609110140302256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977347202475386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976975000781157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25291425755243113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956164369842165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120257270953721,0.1466525886922592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066654328606816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942598625647628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6530184067258653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323897350645116,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayaountcc,2019/08/15,"Need help towards my journey for a diagnosis For sometime now, I have been questioning whether I had BPD. My counsellor rejects it, but an old psychiatrist thought it would be interesting to look into. But I'm am too young or rather haven't gone into it for too long to come to a conclusion. I was wondering what I should do to help myself until I can finally find a solution. My mum is ignorant and doesn't belive or 'tolerate' my attitude, even though I have been diagnosed with anxiety. My emotions have made me hate my family so much that I am planning to run away and want nothing to do with any of them, even the children. My anger gets to the point where I want to fight people or even kill at times but I keep it to myself. Drinking is the only thing that helps and I still study so I don't want to drink too much. I also just want to do this alone without my family's involvement. Just need help on what to do.",4.7109819819819805,5.290897427027026,5.794391891891895,80.97843468468469,69.32432432432432,9.842342342342343,30.011261261261268,9.928628108626363,2.740018018018018,724,27,149,17,12,241,109,185,0.153,0.7240000000000001,0.122,-0.8827,0,1,2,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,16,7,4,0,7,0,22,3,0,1,0,35,38,15,1,9,11,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,8,2,2,5,2,0,4,4,6,0,0,7,1,24,1,26,28,2,20,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,5,8,117,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813669382661226,0.0,0.10666026177377973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906998478321202,0.0,0.1020318184044611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531058178197715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798165133763132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489110001514515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537322674567207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613142372331419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002937679238235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642795878150184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514689201118484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461062348974578,0.12190270225072218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968314331957813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168059789208114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575948854020667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855018661815378,0.1475601224611568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180330347771126,0.112001747257385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620303141614214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609253548550928,0.1977923429991014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279772965512481,0.0,0.1399550495294531,0.0,0.0,0.10143800428032038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246571106849223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260828667900984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941097600971726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191168419217034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651376930546744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860869143183729,0.0,0.13104065648705215,0.10588517198547796,0.07777227019850225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146730738443447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285691291988911,0.1446399353863731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474605972551008,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pbandjealous15,2019/08/15,"Meds So I was pulled of Geodon (treatment for bipolar) on Monday. I used to smoke and when I quit my anxiety increased ten fold. I thought it was because I didnt smoke anymore and it would subside. 

Well it was because I wasnt smoking. When I did the med wasnt as effective and when I quit is was like HI, HOW ARE YA?

So my dr pulled me off it completely and this is truly amazing. I thought i would be on it forever. 

I feel good and stable. No more extreme anxiety. I sleep 100x better and dont wake up groggy. I'm still tired but I think that's because my brain was on overdrive for the last 6 months and now it can actually rest. 

I just wanted to share because I wanted to give others hope in the sense that recovery IS possible. I have been on this med for about 4 or 5 years. I have done DBT with a therapist for 2 years. 1st year was once a week and then we scaled it back to 2 every month and now I'm at once a month. 

It *can* get better. I do always like to say that everyone is different. Some people will need meds the rest of their life. For some it's only temporary. Some may need to be in therapy for an extended time and some will catch on quicker. 

But *my whole point* is to not give up. You are worth it. You deserve it. You deserve a happy healthy life full of smiles, and laughter and happy memories. You arent a lost cause. You're not completely broken. 

We are different. We developed differently. While we make do things in the heat of the moment that we regret later, that doesnt make us horrible humans *overall*. 

I used to be a really awful person. I was awful because of how much I constantly hurt. And when something triggered that hurt is when I would lash out. Something I started to do early on in therapy was to do acts of random kindness. I would return shopping carts for people. I would help someone with their groceries. I would do something kind because it reminded me, and made me feel that I am GOOD. 

*You are good too,* down past all the hurt and aching.",0.6013029728020243,3.0259409553349883,2.395486790249602,91.96240062278014,88.57816377171216,5.5429183087627125,21.549603464214467,7.048011613610866,0.7477959324672803,1547,55,323,24,51,509,195,403,0.08800000000000001,0.721,0.191,0.9923,4,0,5,0,0,0,52.0,6,6,2,6,17,20,0,0,14,2,49,8,3,10,1,63,71,30,0,12,6,0,2,2,0,9,5,1,0,2,23,23,0,0,6,1,2,5,9,5,1,1,18,3,48,15,43,41,12,51,0,5,0,0,22,18,0,8,30,228,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.07312356005116492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235005519715421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146467055004126,0.0,0.07431315828482296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057618663548663726,0.0,0.2740698729995297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254386553977535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836497367315131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697658093185547,0.0,0.0,0.15713113667864775,0.08097568819480827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348663421807089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668222482996118,0.08782063121153683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313407821379262,0.07160145891888592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577650517449908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914927194002367,0.14376465377536735,0.0,0.18855012010567604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953462289866766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022584640291978,0.0,0.0,0.07442513362867798,0.0,0.0,0.2406511932260304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606186748814324,0.0,0.061080196759794224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058544422708193,0.07321671853816178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179795416900999,0.0,0.0,0.07090318491958368,0.10003639212997333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329335952965871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943183128379894,0.0,0.05508419706272098,0.1111233772594565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960187783502414,0.0,0.05698973705033473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153179380884334,0.1038978753052604,0.06542839168898654,0.0,0.0,0.07083567422189622,0.08447542281469021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594004179604459,0.0,0.0,0.04800384184628997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958953464261591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498687089947685,0.0,0.06349028045029889,0.17306068787731466,0.0,0.0,0.053037789920376895,0.0,0.05984139522484928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713842724164216,0.08700270441423633,0.049781993059719,0.048013883982451405,0.0,0.11897647537122462,0.04369389224350213,0.08612417923237012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013487847090873,0.12943568349547502,0.0,0.0,0.08839456110380567,0.0,0.060106536475431335,0.0,0.06737354613052438,0.0,0.0,0.083659745356148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193804768905342,0.0,0.0,0.14476271305429275
bpd,ihavedaddyissuesthx,2019/08/15,"I am so sick of hating myself - RANT/VENT This is honestly just a rant. I've already harassed my partner all day asking for validation where it's not needed and now I feel hopeless so reddit it is I guess. I'm just so tired of not feeling good enough for my partner. I've struggled with body image and low self esteem for as long as I can remember but the amount of insecurity I have over stumbling upon a bit of porn a long time ago is just ridiculous and has just traumatized me emotionally on a whole other level, I can't even begin to explain to someone how I feel because I know it's stupid. I don't even understand it. I have intrusive thoughts about the things I saw that day and I can't get the images out of my head and every time I feel like crap, I'm just like oh ya and you'll never be Kate Upton. You will never be as sexually exciting as her. Your boobs will never be that big, you'll never be a model, etc. etc. He will always want other women. This all fueled a 3 year battle with bulimia and now I restrict my food in

But the thing is, as a bi-curious (I'd say for sure bisexual) woman, I don't even think she is hot. Personally, I think her boobs are way too big and her ass is flat, I know I have a nicer ass than her, so why am I so insecure? It's just so stupid. I hate it. Also, I'm a feminist and I KNOW I am more than just my body but that doesn't stop my brain from going there anyways. And I know I shouldn't criticize and compare myself to her, she is a human too. It got to the point where I considered making my own porn to make myself feel better and I started something similar like that here on reddit, I made an 18+ Gonewild account and was posting my nudes there for validation and what not but it got to messy and I got involved emotionally with someone and now I am back at square one, hating myself.",1.9284589417490992,3.5287450803108804,4.042802637776731,86.91128042078822,77.47150259067357,6.854953681896688,23.095933427539645,7.686295010490155,0.9942048359240068,1435,44,309,21,33,493,190,386,0.192,0.725,0.083,-0.9921,0,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,5,0,1,31,22,9,3,16,0,33,15,10,4,7,66,68,33,0,3,14,0,6,3,2,6,2,1,0,7,19,20,1,2,15,0,1,1,13,14,0,1,7,9,54,8,35,51,10,36,0,2,2,7,24,14,5,1,22,221,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692749826063141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821566303357526,0.07842145587464765,0.08159680252553167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167626390662964,0.0,0.0,0.07540488451051043,0.0,0.059778683527561875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672931874896962,0.10706009443024106,0.2178531898939749,0.0,0.10947145159392772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264858678079647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206167874775836,0.0,0.10132595211092968,0.21873375663138908,0.1943103241051711,0.0,0.08262284446024735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24791960926286166,0.07005668257718937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857894031545503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512342034246387,0.0,0.05573182534960108,0.08225112695185093,0.2352913487636421,0.0,0.10802815304305684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29045262102515235,0.10064158394242698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557284342397048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372682041503226,0.0,0.0,0.17356646748451102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927901853498052,0.13091647967568515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727129450129491,0.30253089221098484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645045901185571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562538620580154,0.0,0.0,0.09270183487360843,0.0,0.09391785790530717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110869854838218,0.0,0.0,0.07798414091931367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230176131284564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617800448812167,0.0754941794839151,0.0,0.0,0.06940994770316024,0.0,0.0,0.08198559236229827,0.0,0.1025174063301937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924238182741688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302982473448293,0.1256704391812212,0.0,0.07785157475283758,0.11436339184275915,0.11270972613057045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208770555203724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057840474430305565,0.07783835135326746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848718046671583,0.10948454976625978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631497677256826
bpd,bachaposh,2019/08/15,"How do you guys deal with messed up thoughts? I don’t know what other subs to go to. I don’t attend the health clinic for sessions anymore. I don’t mention a thing when I visit my doctor.

I’m scared and am hoping you guys will be able to help or something 

One of the many people who abused me was a woman. Ever since I was a teenager, I  have developed crushes on teachers and various other OLDER women. I didn’t know if I was gay or bi, until I was a bit older when it was getting out of hand. Like... I’d become obsessed. I managed to reign my behaviour in with a “be normal, stop being a freak” mantra. But every intimidating woman I come across, especially in my workplace, I want them so badly. I’m “falling in love” with one of my managers. I can’t stop thinking about her. I panic whenever she comes near or talks to me. Sometimes I can barely reply to whatever she says. It’s gotten worse since she put a hand on my shoulder and told me I work so hard and she appreciates me. I’m pathetic, I know. 

SO then, just the other week, I was thinking about *that* woman who abused me all those years ago and I felt very overwhelmed and confused. I thought I missed her then I tell myself NO NO NO THAT IS WRONG YOU CAN’T!!! And now I want to find her for all the wrong reasons. I don’t know where to start. Half of me is saying not to because it’s a bad thing to do, the other half is in emotional pain and really believes she would make everything better. 

I’m so lost. How on earth can I fix myself and stop thinking about such things? Should I make an appointment for a referral to the health clinic? My brain is frazzled, I’m all over the place, everything is turning to shit because of this.",1.42719240297275,3.5700893988439333,3.2030008257638336,89.70620231213877,81.3121387283237,5.688389760528487,22.024442609413704,6.868970318607317,0.6110706193228737,1316,42,273,15,35,438,179,346,0.221,0.703,0.076,-0.9943,0,0,1,0,2,0,43.0,0,3,1,3,16,19,1,5,17,0,30,14,5,5,4,52,61,25,0,7,7,0,4,1,0,3,6,2,0,6,17,15,0,3,12,0,0,7,11,15,0,4,13,6,52,4,39,42,5,37,0,3,0,3,30,14,1,6,17,196,69,5,0.09944798212845267,0.2356591939356732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815463580898736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862567580147637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660698222645388,0.12124513372541296,0.10983248302973224,0.0,0.11204382078982432,0.0,0.08795365863806996,0.10857143968271776,0.0,0.0,0.11101683747770368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133126175506933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252650282819316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178922368028777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186559456205544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995639333961095,0.0837892140995202,0.0,0.17875486778829633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548565836948347,0.0,0.09089365401330286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195746609802171,0.0,0.05651858002324715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693827499329125,0.0,0.0,0.08908585841270618,0.0,0.0,0.21141710921049567,0.0,0.0,0.06665788614720716,0.0,0.0,0.09877428533733376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861604075352276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858526075635417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855922013402584,0.0,0.08975568657938067,0.0,0.13276460059395814,0.10082464490024656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743790767999556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477705284849256,0.0,0.1058196645887504,0.11668077976298505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894470913915915,0.0,0.10390197490020188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997268975606856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370892386260553,0.1022490886660838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158170053876549,0.09956477895133296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208192454895287,0.1645287969674948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655991523129932,0.0983565972033583,0.0,0.07038979360647374,0.0,0.0,0.2494288981357602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993252101223954,0.08692191972751312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820646120736551,0.19116675424317414,0.0,0.15790117872518425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502680867338398,0.0,0.0,0.10817084734880568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205500029120537,0.11731399293546392,0.0,0.0797711726536348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239931540926425,0.0,0.10134598986769562,0.07064499320205367,0.2174615137033719,0.0,0.06404123996055351
bpd,yvonv,2019/08/15,"Still hang onto ex date & someone I do not know. Emotionally draining. Hi all.
I was hestitant to post this but I just really need to get it out and hear from you guys and girls.

I have dated a guy for a while but we were quite in a rocky ‘relationship’ because he seemed to be autistic & not being able to fulfill my needs & was mentally very unstable, he didn’t treat me right.

I keep missing him so so much. We only had 5 dates but I am so in love with him eventhough he is no good for me & needs to work on himself. I keep checking if he sees my instagram stories or likes my posts and its exhausting. I keep thinking about him & us and what it could be.

The other problem is that there’s this guy on instagram I am super into & try to get in contact with. His friend is famous, a friend of mine knows him but he doesn’t seem interested and it breaks my heart. Whenever I see him like another girl’s post I feel so bad about myself & my self esteem is down the drain.
It’s insane because I don’t even know him.

I just feel so exhausted & weird & sad all at once because of these 2 circumstances. I know it’s not logical but I cannot get rid of it. Maybe it’s also because I have never had a boyfriend at 24.

Does anyone recognize this in themselfs? What do you do? And how do you experience it?",1.4652979020979018,3.3818052654545454,3.295727272727273,90.272513986014,79.98181818181818,6.7034965034965035,22.94055944055944,7.748469712250963,0.9939706293706294,1028,34,227,17,26,344,153,275,0.122,0.738,0.14,0.8236,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,3,3,0,3,14,16,0,0,7,0,25,4,1,1,3,46,48,21,0,6,12,1,2,2,2,0,2,1,0,6,17,12,0,3,10,0,1,1,9,7,0,0,6,5,39,9,28,38,3,24,0,2,2,1,33,13,0,4,8,150,56,1,0.07558239810639092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044321645851253,0.0,0.7370414709325397,0.0,0.0,0.0792547345652435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284897013427769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310814533995841,0.18429731342079975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060346394692244475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614266592369537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850200247570267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992146111469757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393408847315995,0.0,0.0,0.07643346295910537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678954657350528,0.0,0.11846605038644907,0.0,0.0,0.06339492954905125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245153715190888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518685582727678,0.08956550567113153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154332471513672,0.0,0.0,0.16615243739519034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385148380077461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821606522485961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593267786265624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616928012148515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055561759230385054,0.16813017148439982,0.05829380492669167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049278724068326,0.0,0.05748381963321007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171611334440484,0.0,0.0,0.07232214736198751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039118400742606,0.0,0.0,0.048420019624867985,0.0,0.0,0.08114720964339958,0.0,0.06454695500765081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045877120944502,0.1376147531194213,0.07884892513349037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404072064139255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036020076152763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843014882310112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051315486955325534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091631870676606,0.0,0.0,0.06236339406685159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055024886003469435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwitallawayp,2019/08/15,"I can’t trust what I’m feeling anymore when it comes to my relationship and my boyfriend. Throwaway, because he knows what my reddit is. 
So my boyfriend and I met around October last year, I broke it off after it moved way too fast. We became friends after that for a while and got back together and we’ve now been dating for about 5 months. My longest relationship ever. He’s absolutely the greatest, most supportive, nicest and loving person I’ve ever met. My family loves him, his family loves me and his friends all love hanging out with me. He talks about seeing a major future with me and that he really wants us to date for a long time. I just... I don’t know. I never went to college and I’m always feeling like I’m missing out on so much especially since it’s my first relationship? I have a severe body count and he knows and he’s super understanding about my past.. but my thoughts are wild all the time. I seek out cute guys, I love getting attention but I always end up feeling guilty because he seriously loves everything about me. I would absolutely never cheat but like when I’m at work I get excited when a cute guy walks in. It kills me. He’s not perfect but neither am I. I keep splitting so bad these days, one day he’s my future husband, the next I can’t stand the sound of his voice and I can’t even look him in the eye. So many people tell us we’re meant for each other, i found a keeper, and that we’re so in love. I feel like I’m living a fucking lie. But I know I love him, or at least I think I do.. some days I’m sooo attracted to him other days I’m disgusted with how he smells or how he looks. It’s exhausting.  I don’t think I can talk to him about this because it would absolutely crush him. He’s so sensitive and sometimes I wish I had a more manly man but other times I love that sensitivity, it’s like a damn fairy tale, he does everything for me, he pays for everything. And I would do the same for him if I didn’t have a crippling spending problem. I just need some advice I guess. I want to get some sort of meds or something to help me think straight and take a step back and look at my life a little more rationally, I just feel like I’m torn apart right now.",1.3232980549199065,3.4315828267543864,3.077841342486653,90.65220823798627,81.47807017543859,6.245919145690312,21.53585049580473,7.423996415210882,0.6825705186880247,1723,53,378,26,46,572,214,456,0.094,0.696,0.21,0.9945,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,3,0,0,4,29,35,5,0,18,0,19,14,2,2,7,82,74,38,1,9,14,1,5,5,2,3,2,2,0,5,19,26,0,1,17,0,2,6,10,11,0,2,10,13,64,24,39,61,15,59,0,2,5,10,53,17,2,10,39,228,83,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786804845160402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557986480410096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887808487551764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618273306860488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680916515774776,0.05798982476035821,0.12701255342917714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714592194715318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059827063759488784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916412222525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060778233704000324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151418191003887,0.0,0.0,0.045872632862644924,0.12564728292484706,0.0,0.0,0.1872579253127394,0.0,0.13094701952612633,0.0,0.17558601583635014,0.14885035289884854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590761472207939,0.0,0.07615093474801446,0.1073174517038299,0.06420759342315334,0.10885798441635006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555474018547214,0.0,0.07650961151232856,0.1375375236721358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655245707934808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061732454233344725,0.07683875299024785,0.0,0.1526768165369099,0.05661294814721447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905626020653957,0.16965458978508838,0.06960951673643499,0.0613277117921789,0.06146315855976139,0.17496748677987464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641512489756909,0.0,0.0,0.0704137983597893,0.0,0.0,0.07714592194715318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543621609678034,0.07381687393365016,0.05105548045803762,0.05149804951900548,0.10713189285164894,0.0,0.07386337938715858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470627207871139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630014224909855,0.0481495258634648,0.0606431272743122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645653471864844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044492964225353836,0.0,0.0,0.22369754847001935,0.0,0.05931194126439311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534454384338276,0.0,0.0,0.07846140499031146,0.0,0.05745171503212289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346782464617527,0.06869016607679967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881372213043471,0.0,0.0,0.05221953593835427,0.1116463623058432,0.060704429306886014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335068157164553,0.0,0.05513742086832278,0.12149469977933795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230236259670428,0.16708529021923288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192961008206143,0.05512805555811907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438303929268656,0.0,0.0,0.07986679356585435,0.0,0.0,0.050562149776559775,0.0,0.0,0.14801090481537404,0.0,0.0,0.04472504675572896
bpd,zmrly,2019/08/15,"My only friend blocked me everywhere and I don’t how to react or what to do I have panicked the whole night trying to reach to him, I can bare eat and feel like I could end my life any time, I keep asking where and what I have done wrong. 

I told him that I was having suicidal thoughts but wanted us to be nice and keep our conversations nice so if I do something he doesn’t regret it, and he just blocked me everywhere before this text:
« I respect and understand why you want to die but I cannot be a part of it. I’m not ever ever going to support you killing yourself, even by just “being nice”.  At this point, at best I’m failing to help you, and at worst I’m making you worse - as long as you have the option of contacting me you’re going to say things to get a reaction out of me and drive yourself deeper into a hole and further away from getting better. Please please believe in your own beauty and worth before it’s too late because when you don’t it’s beyond frustrating to those who love and appreciate you. Bye, good luck, take care of yourself x »

I’m feeling everything at once I want to talk to them to explain I’m about to panic again",4.94029411764706,4.7676142058823565,5.715630252100841,84.36319327731093,68.70588235294119,8.480672268907563,28.764705882352942,7.957251820313856,1.668324369747899,903,28,192,10,14,296,141,238,0.163,0.5820000000000001,0.256,0.9771,0,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,2,8,1,3,13,20,2,1,5,0,17,3,0,3,2,41,43,20,3,6,7,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,12,13,1,4,5,0,1,3,5,7,0,0,4,3,31,13,33,35,5,24,0,2,0,1,27,12,0,4,11,130,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867766686607476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192946770879531,0.0,0.11989033162555368,0.0,0.0,0.07778762401821362,0.0,0.21716714746248794,0.14376861713726938,0.13391495283094612,0.11285741404944274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301031406391706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188325752653644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243520647646864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058556218537845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305731151707618,0.0,0.0,0.11302131777567008,0.0,0.0,0.08428276626612398,0.2308544314523534,0.0,0.0,0.11468432604010576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904317200756174,0.0911619755186671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985883208983574,0.0,0.1333380635935532,0.0,0.14504321675617646,0.10703012112093413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553182179188826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22684470833676915,0.14117747890880689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439454792266948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013211265326837,0.0623419988978906,0.0,0.0,0.11292757148649528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516967958393345,0.0,0.08517820482032662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974988048086385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358965587471158,0.0,0.09705035121264648,0.0,0.1497185140132791,0.0,0.1381852018565861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801468244794049,0.12062921180962458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147766185613714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823757404344162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958059510154835,0.1448061318122404,0.0,0.0,0.09594406658968492,0.10256512076450963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477596424500228,0.0,0.0,0.1013051587746562,0.07440826730493759,0.0,0.0,0.1219333005393283,0.0,0.08663631024242385,0.0,0.0,0.13284267213249318,0.15349468281253492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257965287548654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514484960852475,0.1424678914030372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300417346800224,0.0,0.13951747131311013,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadhuman69,2019/08/15,"Seriously holy fuck What a fucked up disorder to live with. Seriously the symtoms are so fucking intense its quite unbelievable. The spliting and mood swings are so fucking intense. It can show you how beautiful the world is and just the other second it can show you what hell is like.
Seriously its fuckingggg unbelievable that it is happening to me.
And don't even get started me about FP and obsession...
Seriously when the BPD kicks in its full glory its like u have lost all control over yourself. Its like there is another brain Inside your skull that has taken over.",4.175253496503494,7.133342451923081,4.776118881118883,77.65979020979023,76.40384615384616,8.012587412587413,29.646853146853147,8.841846274778883,2.9188769230769243,461,21,78,11,11,147,70,104,0.187,0.638,0.175,-0.3551,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,3,8,16,5,1,6,0,11,6,2,2,1,9,20,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,11,0,1,2,0,5,4,8,18,2,8,1,1,0,4,3,6,5,0,5,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024510041093116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405157111152501,0.21318184971056034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418524763145907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21886423497248111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613161911915485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7061820709054265,0.099772151510572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887110808834413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27988986153896656,0.0,0.16862698089255487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084625708776426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031164548342364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516712187722313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,12throwaway_239,2019/08/15,"I love Seroquel Hey

So I recently, kinda, but not completely, recovered from my FP leaving me. When it happened, I overdosed, and was taken to hospital.

Anyway, I've been on 400mg of Seroquel/Quetiapine XR for the past two days. First day, I didn't notice much, but today, I've noticed a lot. I've got Bipolar 2, too, which is why I may be getting a good reaction from this drug.

Downsides are increased appetite, slight recall delays (memory delays), and more sleepy. I never used to nap, but now I do, and I nap god damn good too.

I've tried too many drugs to count. Nearly every psychedelic (novel, and common). Speed. Loads of Dissos (3-MeO-PCP, Ketamine, PCP etc). MDMA. I'm sure you get the jist.

These drugs allowed me to see what I needed to change about myself, and I love them so much. But, unlike many others, it didn't really take away my depression, if anything it made me more existential (except maybe 3meopcp, or ket).

Anyway, yeah. Seroquel is fucking \*amazing\* for my disorders. Never felt this in controll before.

Just thought I'd put this out there. Anyone else had similar experiences with Seroquel or maybe another anti-psychotic?",2.6871830985915466,5.515741530516434,4.020123943661975,81.41536901408453,82.05164319248827,6.6004882629107975,24.951924882629108,7.839951260653429,1.8762576150234744,898,35,153,17,25,294,149,213,0.04,0.8340000000000001,0.126,0.9555,1,0,3,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,1,2,12,9,2,0,4,1,11,7,0,4,3,32,27,15,0,2,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,10,7,0,3,2,3,0,2,5,3,0,2,10,2,19,6,19,15,7,21,0,1,1,3,5,5,2,6,14,97,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253488120623985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358561367206988,0.1224835397793458,0.09837178323567132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231239147866802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172030284431174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645817492730854,0.0,0.12533611476329265,0.0,0.13407502254386472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418768144197273,0.0,0.10296020113363567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700396064846015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41588766544739936,0.0,0.09986088797201692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331944260876122,0.0,0.0,0.10071816750949383,0.0,0.0,0.11693371016715355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477778658944375,0.0,0.0,0.10168123009635828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105134201861944,0.12491012906777853,0.0,0.0,0.2005300794544048,0.09560759147232864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570941684513399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657630581116272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162920008232622,0.21578023789779066,0.11311226928038255,0.0,0.24239094693230726,0.2401893342779503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757522892185684,0.08863788972366367,0.18439426333937767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721956828802581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411509275064873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017138746840247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658081215348499,0.0,0.11803198695253007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525843444198402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266566373520955,0.0,0.0898797043996109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490193660188954,0.0,0.0,0.11331057458489754,0.0,0.0,0.08116026588870072,0.0,0.11677386150658445,0.0,0.0,0.10324475482050394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786685840836052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hannahannika,2019/08/15,"room being messy sends me into an emotional spiral just want to add in : this is not OCD, I’ve talked to my therapist about it and it’s not that. 

basically this is what will happen:
my room will be a mess (which I try constantly to maintain) and I will have to look for something... I won’t be able to find it and suddenly I spiral, I don’t want to talk to my girlfriend, I don’t want to live, it gets intense... over something as simple as a room being messy. anyone else?",2.1412244897959205,3.5633559285714287,3.877295918367349,89.08288265306123,76.44897959183673,6.940816326530613,22.45408163265306,7.645422480735847,0.8145265306122447,363,10,80,5,8,122,59,98,0.08199999999999999,0.857,0.06,-0.6124,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,0,0,12,19,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,10,0,15,11,0,9,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,56,19,0,0.22977987223349156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066742931379846,0.2354366332322285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24831041108928575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195159854187213,0.2584714287374009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001464040803736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005049942751568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203193582156395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028998369445837,0.0,0.19295722113651712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35379154334840435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693767147888343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26679214194518885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600545009959246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40659036610355576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,acidbrat,2019/08/15,"How do I cope with the fact that I lost my closest friends this year? I’m Borderline with all the terrible symptoms struggling with an alcohol addiction. I was a toxic person in my closest friends lives due to how I would treat them when I was drunk and they all shut me out. These are people I grew up with. I understand from their point of view as to why but it’s been very hard on me to deal because in my head it feels like abandonment. It was a wake up call to get some help so I’m going to be going to treatment hopefully within the next couple months. I made it my point to apologize over and over with no responses so I eventually stopped trying to reconcile. It’s been half a year for two of them since contact and two months for my best friend. I feel isolated and almost even angry at the same time. I don’t expect them to be my friends anymore and I’ve been trying to focus on bettering myself but they’re constantly on my mind and I find myself dreaming and crying about them often. I don’t want them back as friends but it feels worse than a breakup, like I failed at being a good person.",3.896983333333335,4.935166195555556,4.683708333333335,86.52956250000004,71.48888888888891,8.113888888888889,26.95138888888889,8.472884824447931,1.6923388888888895,874,29,183,14,16,282,128,225,0.154,0.67,0.17600000000000002,0.7657,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,7,4,9,17,0,1,10,0,14,6,2,3,3,39,27,17,0,4,3,0,4,2,5,1,3,0,0,2,9,13,2,2,6,2,0,3,3,5,0,3,8,5,32,12,37,15,5,32,0,3,1,0,19,18,0,4,13,129,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148243394882986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288951466895081,0.12077324605582973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119612466633137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274145562143367,0.0,0.07352258625509006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657249523464312,0.10666952569516366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315604327010354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033629609946112,0.0,0.0,0.13345239817863194,0.13248415078734296,0.0,0.1243433598694378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796616046682152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295174581373455,0.08616363197680725,0.0,0.0,0.1102351296402203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659139817213586,0.0,0.06301361820325226,0.0,0.13709060469792458,0.10116173891831552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804264893782024,0.0,0.12378040297331665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084217540539182,0.0,0.0,0.1197926991436334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784766662140687,0.0,0.1065006219857316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165979335987638,0.0,0.0,0.1141238649536566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178146902724153,0.0,0.19253910906865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826984110148498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361561687079018,0.21062356918712846,0.0,0.0,0.22803040309034306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997696344158792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083515444686103,0.0,0.1260875015102093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535971450349292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032851716538012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377221114582205,0.0,0.2356364077120631,0.1255590068920346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951567788665967,0.07113875748663408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883154285815334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122911642763826,0.08567770840108496,0.0,0.0,0.1553374537751306
bpd,wickedalien,2019/08/15,"I found something today.. it has made me so happy to find and realize that I am not alone. You aren’t either. So basically, I obsessively wonder with whoever I have ever been with if they’re “the one”.  I look up successful, non-toxic relationships constantly to compare it to my own, I make sure we are astrologically compatible over and over again even though I already know the answer, I often question my love for anyone I have been with and if I can love in the first place.. I felt fucking crazy, completely off my rocker. Until I got on Snapchat this morning and saw an article about OCD in relationships, now I don’t have OCD but this describes my behavior to a fucking T ! ! ! I am filled with so much relief and happiness typing this. I am in love. It’s not perfect, it changes and shifts as all relationships do but I am happy. I am so incredibly happy and thankful that I am not alone and what I was experiencing is real and validated. Sometimes I can’t tell whats real, often I spend most of my life in my head but to have it named and to have other people go through this. I am speechless. Maybe some of you can relate, maybe some of you can’t.. but I feel this huge rejuvenation internally knowing I can do something about this.",4.248999081726353,5.6636746528925626,5.890523415977963,76.77649219467402,71.06611570247934,8.68356290174472,28.733700642791554,9.150863307647796,2.428283011937558,974,37,187,20,18,333,132,242,0.027999999999999997,0.75,0.222,0.9946,1,2,2,0,0,0,30.0,1,3,0,3,13,15,2,1,5,0,27,7,1,2,4,49,45,23,0,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,15,0,0,10,0,1,2,7,3,0,2,8,5,35,12,28,37,7,20,0,0,2,5,13,11,2,9,7,150,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293983346628819,0.1222106564973935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743598277714715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117154287986913,0.0,0.11611478097465912,0.11967678078014105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314650395770814,0.10017584455264343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599636384834817,0.0,0.10633325897933962,0.0,0.10121958225785134,0.09420025332818442,0.0,0.12142696641388395,0.0,0.2047652682375732,0.0,0.0,0.06293934512658876,0.0,0.08857346954060384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715635153493004,0.0,0.0,0.11365705942886913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172590353061595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822297756687151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299851324234937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29985700980296914,0.1047902785070601,0.0739236284239609,0.0,0.22251792306475285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141084717262102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504416636871132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767771384450382,0.0,0.1157057069531496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240605523685332,0.0,0.0,0.25210575062690976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566983753360356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051493245665886,0.1095303493879849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437653099974534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679664107883366,0.10195978032870223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880710815691076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497399392733907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009900984393118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gypsyram,2019/08/15,"Vent vent vent - things were going well but now I wanna DRINK. Work was going well, I hit 3 months and finished my probation; my pay got jumped from 17$ to 18$; I qualified for benefits; I got a cat. LIFE WAS GREAT

Just got an email from my boss saying that I only qualify if I'm full time and work at least 30 hours a week. Which I don't. Because they dont give me shifts, like barely ever. 

Its something minor but i needed glasses and it was something i was looking forward to. But now Momma needs a DRINK. Which is bad because that's a bad coping habit.

Anyway, I'm gonna distract myself by going to the library or something. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.",0.8495652173913086,3.053932362318843,2.705246376811594,92.05352173913046,84.07246376811594,4.839420289855073,20.069565217391304,6.079149491110277,0.07476173913043471,518,15,108,4,15,172,92,138,0.098,0.755,0.147,0.7875,0,0,5,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,2,7,9,0,1,6,0,8,3,0,1,1,15,24,8,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,4,2,0,0,2,1,6,2,3,2,0,8,2,16,6,11,14,2,16,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,10,65,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579409255721053,0.18831887448177698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330565169334077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102992034514,0.3026305973810737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972096219977884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817534024956105,0.2633552799254805,0.0,0.37061540468717935,0.17029641175236473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211530608799825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091020469114338,0.07546300078947027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297103289859616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329118900867699,0.0,0.0,0.22906526469055555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747635397725613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283547226815633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35674034801505444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415180658389488,0.0,0.142209119142669,0.0,0.0,0.10261860013868072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900688337499812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123901199072003,0.0,0.2777622415398033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490234737175435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,just-do-ket,2019/08/15,"Recovery success stories? Any of you guys have any recovery success stories? Or any positive stories whatsoever? All the posts here seem to be pretty negative and frankly I find it a bit depressing. I think it would be nice if we could share some positive stories for a change? Motivate each other and find a silver lining?

I can start! I’ve been struggling with mental health all my life and especially found borderline to be the hardest to live with. It kept on ruining everything for me. However, I’ve managed to find a great partner who supports me unconditionally and isn’t scared of my mood swings! We’ve been together for quite a while now and everything seems to be going in the right direction. For once BPD didn’t ruin the relationship for me! I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible to have a long-term loving and stable relationship even though it might not be the easiest.

Sending my love and support to everyone in here xx",5.06587390263368,6.981230882681565,6.074640861931367,74.28319832402238,69.78212290502793,10.03048683160415,32.897446129289705,10.290406445055957,3.8015423782920994,764,36,134,22,14,253,111,179,0.09699999999999999,0.6759999999999999,0.226,0.9812,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,4,5,15,0,2,11,0,16,4,0,1,2,30,29,11,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,9,11,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,1,12,9,20,16,5,10,0,3,0,2,12,4,0,7,3,89,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635356943251366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102853668278004,0.0,0.16269472763646073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665282496805306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031378419520104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126052034420032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532061928005813,0.0,0.0,0.12343478001217922,0.23219308413684106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541980945460589,0.0,0.0,0.1416366252817971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734146351873044,0.0,0.0,0.1424188147590338,0.14230374468922852,0.12790618241914964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730980094208764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124199417369784,0.0,0.0,0.1140662312713814,0.11431815494282672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331757444543345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018068792397572,0.1370370724873448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756998095817174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562839066421293,0.1237164803492404,0.13142010988146915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373963311773201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773769046429281,0.0,0.1103170069730476,0.0,0.1027272518004424,0.12932936250716445,0.0,0.0,0.23519696130777934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143260528490586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504452687253846,0.0,0.0,0.29317853196130644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277182192080954,0.12691638489499674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770314465810168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176409601241073,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_rapids,2019/08/15,"Two massive panic attacks today disclaimer : i’ve not been clinically diagnosed with BPD, but i’ve recently started to associate with it and thought it might be appropriate to ask here.

really, really awful day.

for the majority of my life i’ve suffered with depression, dating back to the 3rd grade. the anxiety only came recently, during my 8th grade or so. today, i was in a classroom with a very stuffy, warm aircon (southern hemisphere) and i started to stress about the assignment due soon. i asked to go get a drink as i was feeling off. Mind you I haven’t had a panic attack in atleast twelve months prior. 

i came back up the stairs and then it hit me. in an almost instant i was verge of unconsciousness and falling down, luckily i was right next to the school counselor’s office and almost stumbled in, and i come to find that the counselor was someone i didn’t know well, which added to the anxiety. over the next hour i sat with her discussing it and it was the most bizarre occurrence of my life. 

i can’t find anything on the internet, but it was as if i had coupled a panic attack, disassociative episode and a bout of rage into one episode and i felt as if i was stoned, drunk and worse. i became existential and stuttered through explaining my fears of life and death and the cosmos. i was sent home and immediately napped for the next 4 hours, woke up for dinner without an appetite and that’s when my second attack happened.

 it felt like a seizure, i became hysterical and made my way to my parents. for about 5 minutes they had me breathing into a paper bag, when the rage came back and, somehow in the spur of the moment, in a way used it to kill my anxiety and the rage itself to such an extent that i stood up and walked away without saying a word. 

i’m definitely going back to therapy and have no clue what to think of the events of today. i just wanted to ask if anyone has ever had the same experience with a panic attack feeling like you were intoxicated, and as well as the rage component",7.104996955303861,6.610728777493608,7.545597369382538,74.12694799658996,64.29411764705883,10.312069175496287,34.47582511265376,9.725611199111238,3.1881814882474733,1596,62,298,28,21,526,199,391,0.25,0.6920000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.9982,1,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,0,2,1,0,17,24,10,6,34,1,22,10,1,2,1,65,52,36,2,4,10,1,5,2,0,1,6,1,1,0,14,33,3,0,10,3,0,9,7,19,2,3,27,6,34,5,58,22,4,58,0,2,0,0,12,19,0,9,30,212,48,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965793123520016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149938560125727,0.0,0.0,0.052251323322969036,0.0,0.061494503968948386,0.0,0.2095808476730367,0.4250675548000856,0.07020910444411445,0.22984385766411924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411688251498347,0.0,0.0,0.25640563527228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437126957639486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826847438569206,0.0,0.04819316411943477,0.0,0.06436283138313767,0.07584701052669326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320466601358673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759545440180564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309799891246031,0.0,0.08408940259572831,0.07556910902186262,0.05338546131069096,0.14350056125468774,0.0,0.13659947041394546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904212252266558,0.0,0.08493891222146076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608143046634432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749579444313718,0.0,0.14718340146821962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267509337468991,0.0,0.0410683723125408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834708667266442,0.07301632838162826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070912677810393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927424716741903,0.07545364272553981,0.0,0.059646912056504714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384211696633801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050637402145704065,0.05683375925514893,0.0,0.35070727205613833,0.08297623245057023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957449159101977,0.0,0.1475691148695825,0.0,0.0,0.06381702059753852,0.0,0.059426441343527814,0.0,0.07562839004606199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331651102315418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578525677693612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560029179311816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545760151543423,0.0,0.0,0.047882472606482526,0.0,0.059325421630758525,0.0,0.0,0.21249927619513032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299807377368095,0.0,0.0,0.06454071255242153,0.0,0.06165815263051441,0.044076315010903686,0.11863068994394114,0.0,0.0,0.1343782968349528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406961154994913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615387836910029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smalldoglady,2019/08/15,"Feeling annoyed I’m on internship with two other women and we are doing orientation for a couple weeks together. I live with one of them but not the other. I would understand if my roommate talked to the other intern more because they don’t live together, but the other intern is talking to my roommate more than me it seems. I try to be rational and think it’s because of how we get seated so today we had to pick cubicles and I purposely picked the one next to my roommate instead of behind her because then it would be natural for them to just turn their head and ask each other questions or talk and I knew I would get triggered and feel left out. Especially because the position of the cubicle in the back is the same location my desk is in our office (they are side-to-side). However, this didn’t work. She started passing notes to my roommate and they were laughing about it. I wanted to say something but wanted it to be vague so I just sighed and went to the bathroom. I doubt they picked up on it but if they did I could just say I was annoyed with the training. The third intern did ask me if I was doing okay with the training we have like 10 mins later, so maybe she was trying not to make me feel left out but is just closer or prefers my roommate. How do people cope with this stuff and not feel left out? I have a whole year with them. I feel like this always happens to me in groups of three and it makes me so mad/hurt. They also vetoed me when I wanted our office light on the other day (they said it would make the room too hot since there’s no AC and we could just get lamps). Am I overreacting? I just know if I sat in the back she wouldn’t have passed notes to me they would have just talked.",2.9736857142857147,4.4948393114285725,3.950714285714288,89.00178571428572,74.45714285714286,6.7142857142857135,23.92857142857143,7.310402129719878,0.8825428571428571,1349,40,283,15,28,435,158,350,0.038,0.909,0.053,0.7319,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,7,0,12,1,21,8,2,1,17,1,34,1,1,9,0,82,62,31,0,16,21,0,6,2,0,6,0,3,1,1,18,26,0,1,12,0,0,3,7,3,1,5,12,10,54,4,40,39,5,31,0,0,0,0,35,16,0,9,14,220,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082559507473845,0.0840982872195581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897350226005105,0.0,0.0,0.15543309147042325,0.0,0.24644519105193735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613922470510343,0.1118319670208665,0.0,0.06518175045401364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555199941888029,0.0722043858419867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841461754787514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937581478624086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037269178528554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819746191433363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055545396210020685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294383589426149,0.0,0.0,0.09875533558752826,0.0,0.1784932186781358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023949107459368,0.0,0.10153834017222063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748902856456784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697521507909358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006917099988731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132214645440854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961406584041184,0.16074974701492326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092010278106022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360609938793148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780857819344794,0.0,0.0,0.07153782424266436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570090134795602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32494475954370555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476153698524771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580248600045614,0.0,0.0,0.1372397106815462,0.10993507253453924,0.09873064604241127,0.10521737270788924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884100899786998,0.0,0.08107220999724768,0.0,0.0,0.09369284761981024,0.0,0.11284097939335183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358012057817469,0.0,0.0,0.3589859302306534,0.0,0.0,0.06508572811270501
bpd,meatmelon_,2019/08/15,"DAE feel like their brain is static? Or like your brain is so numb and empty that you dont feel like you exist? 

Dissociation and brain fog has become some of the most frustrating symptoms to deal with - it makes me feel really stupid and inferior to others bc it just feels like my brain doesnt /work/. I feel like i just... cant process information. I forget things pretty much immediately and the only way to learn is to do it repetitively so i remember through muscle memory rather than Knowledge From My Brain lol. 

Dissociation itself is also a constant stare for me, I look at myself in the mirror and feel weird to see my reflection.

Does anyone have tips to help w this? Any medication reccs?",3.9804545454545455,6.365177045454548,5.0590909090909095,78.38363636363638,74.0,8.036363636363637,23.12121212121212,8.841846274778883,1.7438212121212129,558,16,103,12,12,183,89,132,0.113,0.725,0.161,0.7266,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,1,1,6,10,2,0,4,1,10,8,5,1,0,25,19,9,0,1,4,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,11,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,9,15,5,14,19,3,5,0,1,3,0,7,2,0,3,7,66,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460666536124866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044992586244515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272003253850795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065609131929706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6603249628591128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784324347929282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196493921149253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352753257992167,0.0,0.1386499403558205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35890454593213905,0.3380620291208872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929583871142351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889837364614457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934451356521436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896800336599147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917757319386492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696613235331899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997457128143238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035642599238752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578777010616605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401395248842074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427197397297177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296185317046875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859508948299579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390321534607647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612581000291789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JACK3D-7,2019/08/15,"How do you get out of dissociation? I’ve had 24/7 dissociation for as long as I can remember and just recently I found the connection between it and the other bpd symptoms I experience. 

I knew it wasn’t normal to get suicidal over the smallest mistakes, cry at home over being roasted, get explosive anger over the smallest disagreement, wanting to be high everyday and either constantly trying to make sure people don’t hate me or isolating myself. I thought I was just a pussy I didn’t think I had bpd 

I guess it’s trauma related from being separated from a parent as a toddler but how do I go about fixing that",5.7030508474576225,6.858755364406783,7.262500000000002,69.26544491525426,67.38983050847457,10.645762711864409,34.24152542372882,10.686352973137794,4.059505084745762,495,23,85,14,8,171,78,118,0.13699999999999998,0.848,0.015,-0.882,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,2,0,7,0,12,1,0,3,1,22,24,10,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,8,0,13,1,17,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,4,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466595598776654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001739166314364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347264843597065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119599619390667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310131416715385,0.0,0.0,0.29033392388035945,0.0,0.10527368084334036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405793699042546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288184135429808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957116198505946,0.18580644635915888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639277090643615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364622558168535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149159428505726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056822529068628,0.0,0.0,0.1284190668408052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289784381285654,0.0,0.20983586635308984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261772110784612,0.0,0.17458239500112438,0.19253075153227872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869151622808807,0.0,0.14705640416890348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257628378338784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925677755585947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kokainekarl,2019/08/15,Managed my rage for once So I’ve finally managed my rage and honestly idk how. Last week I’ve landed one of my binder to a classmate to study. Anyhow this bitch didn’t want to give it back to me,1.09,2.9408134761904776,2.833571428571432,93.44892857142858,80.90476190476191,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.6210761904761908,154,5,35,2,4,51,33,42,0.265,0.648,0.087,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,6,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,19,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149531072977905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44869106671668896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929206409647199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338744180973593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43620507886518817,0.27755202707367355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415896167424528,0.0,0.3285522305781443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stillscottish1,2019/08/15,"DAE get music playing in their head all the time? I feel like when I’m feeling angry, sad or happy or any intense emotion I have music playing in my head and it takes over my thoughts and it’s like I have a radio playing in my brain. Also, I really feel like singing at the top of my lungs and when I do, it really relaxes me. Does this happen to you guys, too?",2.052770562770561,3.1986083246753267,4.126688311688317,88.333841991342,76.14285714285714,6.691774891774893,24.52164502164502,7.1686216300943375,0.9500839826839824,279,9,61,3,6,96,51,77,0.07400000000000001,0.6459999999999999,0.281,0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,4,9,0,0,3,0,3,4,4,0,1,10,11,8,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,12,8,7,10,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,6,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727544751903001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469038642086838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411544513871128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904423372601806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429981496376496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276849799069025,0.30865546417656764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286372875510332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389792189256776,0.19102948717946652,0.22996177851618085,0.0,0.0,0.4434063056438411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31661553786068336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767812690689477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624233143245276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149908515678014,0.12596544860349593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,satansterrificday,2019/08/15,"DAE get really anxious when someone else has a strong emotion or changes emotions My ex-FP is suddenly really happy and things seem to be going well in his life. He’s very excited about this and expressed this excitement. He talked about things he’s doing well in but not with specific details. It was only a week or so before this when he was pretty upset with me and had over reacted during a conversation we’d had. 

Since then he’s been generally “normal” in conversation until this sudden increase in enthusiasm. 

Tbh it freaks me the f*c out. It feels really unstable. I feel like whenever someone is very expressive of a feeling I get really nervous about the stability of that feeling or person. I feel like any high intensity feeling is like “lashing out” at me whether it’s positive or negative. 

I know this is ironic since I am known for drama, unstable emotions, high emotional intensity and so on. Since he’s an ex-FP and I used to see him as a potential source of care and stability, I think I’m especially sensitive to his changes in feelings. I’m always concerned something negative will happen to me in these instances of severe emotional changes. Since I don’t have many details about what is going on it doesn’t feel like reality either. I feel like he’s going to take me down with non-reality based arguments at any moment. 

I didn’t express any of this to him during the conversation. I have to learn how other people live and feel and I want him to be happy and do well. But I’m shook as hell rn and I don’t really know how to get back to my neutral state. I don’t know why this is so concerning to me.",4.400475814931653,5.960812637223978,6.12591876971609,74.66828930073606,70.89274447949526,9.699737118822293,30.55849106203995,10.02789654360092,3.2857361724500525,1294,55,236,35,24,445,155,317,0.12300000000000001,0.68,0.19699999999999998,0.9698,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,15,19,1,3,9,0,26,1,0,4,0,48,56,28,0,2,9,0,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,18,15,0,0,17,1,0,5,8,5,3,0,6,11,28,14,41,46,2,31,1,0,1,0,21,16,1,5,14,154,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501190388454207,0.0,0.0,0.15939687856524593,0.0,0.0,0.08826667739267452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007851965386015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648439410937555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966056172116226,0.0,0.2479592049510798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526908047261129,0.439438707733715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950577794625504,0.27908681303737354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246189821965638,0.0,0.1332122813931823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909167918385885,0.16634547535441846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510104055510913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288175566598768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055186790171249216,0.1908562170992993,0.0,0.06899179733857183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921336642625529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655256006603847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059422743024143986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054166741807968925,0.06822166072434703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948811393254122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893107622321485,0.25026610981590625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062260916656690174,0.0711282423743293,0.0,0.08826667739267452,0.0,0.25852567881099986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240161527317607,0.060149665042511125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058745378480477714,0.06279936896957419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381457202389484,0.05006369281824077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674807759835143,0.0,0.12893381001449658,0.04608415094602185,0.0,0.06267260485684087,0.0,0.21074957311016124,0.0,0.07050178307803458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JAGreenDay,2019/08/15,"Odd question(s) This may seem like an odd question to ask but I'm going to ask anyways because..well why not. I was wondering if anyone ever has moments in their life where they feel they need to make some kind of decision and you always feel as if you are going to make the wrong one or ask yourself ""what is the correct decision?"" or something like ""What is the right way to handle this situation? Why do I feel I haven't been taught how to handle this? Why do I feel dumb that something like this probably comes super easy to others? I feel like I do this a lot so I wanted to know if others may deal with the same thing.

​

Also..  


 I  think I have Dissasociative Amnesisa because there are just so many things I don't remember and have really been thinking about doing DBT. People don't like to put labels on things but I'm the kind of person that wants to know what's wrong and what I can do to make things better.  I currently go to therapy and am lucky to have a therapist who specializes in BPD. She also works at another place in the area that does DBT but if I go to do that I can't see her one on one (because of insurance) so I was thinking of trying to do it online first. Has anyone been successful with online? I am hoping to find something free that's directly on a website (no downloading so I can do it at work).   


Please and thank you!",2.5739666666666667,4.430855261818183,4.025659090909091,86.6091553030303,76.38181818181819,7.201515151515152,23.458333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.2715606060606062,1067,33,218,18,24,353,137,275,0.054000000000000006,0.769,0.177,0.9901,1,0,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,3,6,13,18,1,0,10,0,32,1,0,4,2,52,64,22,0,8,11,0,5,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,23,8,0,0,17,0,1,6,6,3,0,4,6,6,25,16,32,56,3,23,0,0,1,0,15,12,1,15,9,157,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485150122944934,0.07726425118682571,0.1006102453864748,0.11283110994465692,0.0,0.09736839440396994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985519151898428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604255680289135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320922086980285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212424582428815,0.0,0.0,0.11694982085535502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998786449383984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573122769588377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125956408682103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399424281471457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23475580379797004,0.06633687782393169,0.0,0.0,0.08486938350993514,0.07898390062583564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109051431590128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222770053877524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339202334562425,0.1020632782648328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558746572871695,0.2268255783543336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894348477470978,0.0,0.0,0.18594779679618068,0.09414216589905924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688521005005856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876640251799245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437517585172507,0.0810789288673895,0.09701553591358868,0.10192882263969416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011527734697584,0.0,0.0,0.09334667683384992,0.2080416133431085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059486409155796366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518859176281603,0.0792991536371432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399480427811833,0.08453329401101124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437487293566618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144569786896994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549001592657886,0.10618978148120507,0.10781383892185424,0.2467595837203043,0.17849656014312015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304363518856687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953862913316843,0.07370536276890788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25136631069293586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006991799239267,0.1352016338660193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304854948884948,0.11283110994465692,0.0
bpd,yetiwolf,2019/08/15,Weird neighbours Hi so in the last couple of days I tried to end my life. It was during the early hours of the weekend and woke up alot of my neighbours. There was alot of police and paramedics to make sure I was safe and not going to run off or anything. Pretty quickly the police went away and the paramedics took me to the hospital. So today I was having a cigarette outside on the porch and one of my neighbours just stopped and stared at me while getting into his car. I had tinted sunglasses on so he couldnt tell if I was looking at him but I tilted my head towards him and he stopped staring and drove away. Its just a weird feeling thinking most of my neighbours hate me even though I was getting help?,4.37732394366197,5.469359126760569,4.4902535211267605,88.1614366197183,70.40845070422534,6.525070422535213,29.69295774647888,6.2581,1.3383245070422536,564,22,112,3,10,175,86,142,0.084,0.84,0.076,-0.3071,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,11,0,9,2,1,1,1,26,21,16,0,2,6,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,9,0,3,2,1,0,6,2,3,0,1,11,4,18,2,21,9,3,28,0,0,3,0,12,11,0,5,11,85,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369455911147124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737845711673309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201016646583256,0.0,0.12828721663811088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761844521770476,0.0,0.0,0.13138506340933664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058014282078652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078554218878132,0.0,0.11305106058356705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196392735211243,0.20414974266732674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333216655657024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589654730797312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214669440018697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050337762735293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704305603429342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278092707678685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479362680893978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023735834987608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326127615949746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748014466661345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386521758177872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746017508236346,0.19543830574387705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188553301965724,0.0,0.22100790932086772,0.13505390982078988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440122513316126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,acuteconsole,2019/08/15,"Since my last relationship ended, I can't seem to get close to anyone. Started seeing a guy recently. Everything is perfect. He's wonderful etc. Lots in common. Enjoy his company etc etc.
After 4 days of hanging out I ask him to leave a bit earlier than intended bc i need me time. Great! It means I'm not codependent like i used to be!

However! I then notice I feel what can only be described as uncomfortable when he messages me. I don't rly want to reply back. If he sends me anything cutesy, I feel a discomfort, kind of cringed out. Don't rly understand why this is happening, considering I had a really great few days with him.

I started to feel uncomfortable whilst on my way to see him, but was hoping it was just a weird thing and everything would be fixed once I saw him. Nope. Still felt this discomfort.

Find it very easy to hold hands, kiss etc. but there's just this underlying feeling of ""I don't want to be here.""
I'm actually having to leave early today because of this discomfort.

Things like this have happened recently, too. It seems I search for red flags in people so I can leave or I'll start feeling hugely uncomfortable as soon as shit gets serious and I end up ending it.

I really want this to work but I don't know how to get past this feeling of discomfort.

How is it meant to work when every fibre of my being wants to get away?",1.57361674061638,4.090331635687733,3.5421489387216667,85.12258664108406,83.94423791821559,7.337138745652957,22.432066194987407,8.360895534625662,1.6530020625974342,1066,37,212,26,31,359,155,269,0.147,0.742,0.111,-0.7129,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,3,13,16,1,4,5,0,21,3,2,4,1,43,57,16,0,8,8,0,8,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,1,15,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,6,12,28,9,35,45,7,37,0,0,4,1,13,10,1,7,26,134,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0892332562492623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393769535806547,0.0,0.0752481776711977,0.0,0.08548502085185927,0.0,0.08591185918036028,0.07031250893118995,0.0,0.05574160409781681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982992341498922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794380122254795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24296883840763026,0.0,0.4079236860193996,0.0,0.0,0.07704301288627667,0.0,0.16436260598101565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774119982333343,0.0,0.08779773014074439,0.0,0.08357544622760421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109665954731006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016281201616396,0.0,0.09054099755660627,0.16172200439275808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082157673705343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522176301703496,0.050253599541211384,0.07453664517165763,0.0,0.2904685480537805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934693828465784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773989504750074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960609019688507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780236623694418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410622046790058,0.0,0.0973817142706886,0.0,0.06954502497187405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729081136705713,0.06339369776567999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715893256350865,0.0,0.18057397422206767,0.09817344701617177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457333264437825,0.16648896164616256,0.0,0.0,0.0938629048261468,0.07564096621001061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416729829133106,0.0,0.07302492590180293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149871642432795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332000083644678,0.0,0.08667540597452585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519333866749424,0.0,0.07897569200042066,0.0,0.07544842749461918,0.21573715821543368,0.07258163460157352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251130821630719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991638980847642,0.13314032002755105,0.0,0.0,0.06495708522999402,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,silverfangme,2019/08/15,"I need to share an old episode that haunts me. I need to explain something to you. I’m so fucking sad about it man.
2 years ago went to get my daily Methadone at the clinique and it’s been the third time that this one lady have got problems with using the software they use when they give you the medicine. She keeps telling me wrong things. She remembers shit and makes me confused every time she’s there and I’m coming to get my Methadone.
They know that I’m emotionally unstable and I told them not to be provocative in any way, because I can’t control it. So they know that they will have to back off and not do anything to exaggerate it. Because I can’t control it.

I got a sudden outburst and this is where my speaking skills goes to expert level. I keep on talking and when anyone says something I instantly tell to shut up and keep on talking at the speed of light.

I think I said something like this;
“Thank you for ruining another one of my days because you think that you can change the rules here. As far as I know, you are just a fucking slave at this place. You wake up goes to your job just to have 60 different people tell you what a fucking idiot you are. How does it feel to have a job where you experience nothing but peoples anger because of your own made up rules. I can’t be my job to tell you what to do and what not to do. What you are doing to me with your mess is just exaggerating my unstable mood and then I hate standing i front of and old whore like you. You’d be better of leaving this place, dig a big hole and shoot yourself into the grave. No one wants you on this planet. Not even your own children. Every other day you are ruining my morning. Listen up bitch, you do mental terrorism on me, now I will do anything to make your life a complete mess. This is not a threat, but I would be scared if I was in your position, having to come and go at this place. Watch out for the boogeyman you old fuck”

First of all, I know I’m a terrible person. I instantly regretted
What I said. Not only because of the police warrant I got joe but because i scared the living shit out of this lady.

I didn’t not want to hurt her by any means. I don’t know why I said it.
When I get that anger I yell so much that even a Silverback gorilla would back the fuck off.

The lady doesn’t work there anymore because she’s too scared of me. It ended up I court and I got 30 days in jail because of verbal violence (that’s a law).

I keep thinking about this episode. I hate it. I am so sorry.",1.8623210831721444,3.720950048355903,3.1019342359767883,92.41545454545457,78.49709864603481,5.947388781431335,23.76595744680851,6.855684769269737,0.6614147001934234,1953,66,428,20,47,631,223,517,0.20199999999999999,0.748,0.05,-0.9979,4,0,5,1,0,0,45.0,0,24,6,6,24,37,14,5,23,0,37,10,3,9,1,71,90,29,1,9,14,0,1,2,0,4,1,7,0,3,34,21,0,6,12,0,0,5,14,31,0,5,13,10,80,5,60,68,4,58,0,6,1,6,54,30,8,2,23,291,114,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827799038486865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941619725090934,0.06893819939431227,0.0,0.0,0.06520027146971248,0.04596965545196128,0.0,0.10820323696564296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101105984237576,0.0,0.3206149136738358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058145126746708076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954831669118576,0.11326507714040593,0.06893121624925387,0.0,0.14747472250993107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719810765460748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868837059599651,0.0,0.0,0.057532919855601126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739530256628936,0.058229571379929686,0.0,0.0,0.08684643660114323,0.0,0.1107841231226483,0.0,0.0,0.0643101382038395,0.0,0.0,0.03324208540207101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055921717962131634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30389582761864364,0.10304540476726508,0.06306752848517766,0.037363766895914335,0.0,0.21032557376765051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981695776413704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038019237324354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572199462610432,0.23374475534736205,0.0,0.0,0.18065560880737253,0.0,0.0,0.06961328524008363,0.0,0.0,0.046436852716445334,0.06423828612576442,0.0,0.05805305801827872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062208456907532864,0.08776911215004765,0.0,0.0,0.07161436804415851,0.0,0.0,0.06625437646773648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832932262702717,0.09749652055129443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308303412617214,0.0,0.20696145496543936,0.0,0.13364928091288106,0.0500011897277716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115706869926972,0.05740502756723555,0.2060651117879895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290802237639433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447500965114262,0.0,0.1876124794515838,0.052282178891673914,0.1974633044700003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349703135345776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183857194023406,0.0,0.07359490063025613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568489446393227,0.2298522252688108,0.060528139549245075,0.0,0.0,0.04367731821270087,0.12637808736264378,0.0,0.0,0.07667158015073966,0.0,0.0,0.06282110284219028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135632221339233,0.0,0.0,0.07755489759060975,0.0521844385552066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609452432876863,0.059323633552202326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047862333824785865,0.0,0.0,0.09340514419432636,0.0718806214124933,0.0,0.04233690868785492
bpd,sungria,2019/08/15,"Chronic Suicidal Ideation I’ve had it for years but recently (maybe for 2 months) it’s been very intense. I feel so overwhelmed and hurt daily that i constantly think “well if that doesn’t work out i can just kill myself”  or “yeah well you wouldn’t even have to deal with that if you just killed yourself” 
i’m used to thoughts like that but lately it’s like a demon is whispering in my ear. 
for context: i did just move to a new state, and got super drunk at my dads house with all the family and an incident happened. one that i have not come back from yet. I’ve dug myself a very deep hole and planned on getting closer with family but i did something bad and my bitch stepmother has banished me. My pussy father lets her. I almost wanna kill myself just to fucking spite him for all he’s allowed her to do to me. 
but past couple days all i’ve thought about is what it may be like when i’m gone, and i cry over it cause i know i will hurt my mom if i go through with it. even tho our relationship is a codependent fucked up enabling bond. Don’t even know what a relationship without codependency would look like with her. 
What do you guys do when you feel very close to ending it? 
Also, slightly unrelated....do any of you feel repulsed by touching your mother in any way? Like i’m always very aware of her touching me, like i always flinch and pull away and tell her not to. Weird how she just gets mad instead of asking “Hey, why does my child do this?” 

This is my first post so sorry if the formatting isn’t correct, and for the fact that i rambled.  if i sound harsh is because i feel very harshly inside.",2.2118348623853197,4.19501683486239,3.1313363914373085,92.02654587155963,77.89908256880733,6.072538226299695,22.82660550458716,7.0316486544052195,0.612801100917431,1263,39,271,14,30,401,181,327,0.2,0.698,0.102,-0.9936,1,0,1,0,0,2,29.0,1,6,0,5,21,22,8,1,9,1,26,5,1,4,5,58,50,26,4,8,18,4,6,6,0,4,1,3,0,2,18,17,1,0,9,1,0,5,7,13,2,2,8,10,42,9,35,36,3,33,1,3,1,2,27,11,3,8,20,176,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946599973066674,0.0,0.0,0.07559708998846837,0.1573161516703765,0.0,0.0,0.12856980555790734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837452321000025,0.0,0.08881578921652553,0.07268916110181481,0.0789301500118676,0.057625741165132034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711025469545614,0.0,0.0814308223351294,0.0,0.10215535179068293,0.0,0.0,0.10459769911556363,0.10383880342926866,0.060965225806522215,0.09745819123634296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272546301937574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372716465485466,0.0,0.0,0.1873121952816982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823243883760725,0.0,0.1911925842469288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040874725056911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478635266561174,0.09877798476404044,0.0,0.053724631469605794,0.0,0.0756057597911522,0.0,0.0,0.0936013983536257,0.08359420684673502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907706814500596,0.20239661105614765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31375647324206396,0.0,0.10390447015827683,0.0,0.10663604953232887,0.0,0.0,0.09666522608095872,0.0,0.2771009350818291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938294942722211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496995391349944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071456561849996,0.07545442447345227,0.10047240109911544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129945426001193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405723119606464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902413517398114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905353857105193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333880203214,0.2029836686118724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277524009722111,0.0,0.10582067181334218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340250581652408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262500760051836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605721954133245,0.0,0.15009546651981687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816451707698824,0.0,0.3899934012027689,0.0,0.07503498610396614,0.0,0.0,0.16999098025055862,0.0,0.08530029530771213,0.0,0.0,0.0911253344793208,0.0,0.0688203160343837,0.0,0.0,0.06715271727265673,0.0,0.0,0.06087541502851185
bpd,cheekyweelogan,2019/08/15,"Impulsive, not very thoughtful decisions about big life changes Does anyone relate to this? It's something I've always done since I was 17. Got serious about an American 5000 away and flew there days after graduating HS (only have 11 grades in my province) but that's love, it's not really the same but I'll include anyway.   


20/21yo = decide to go back to college overnight cuz I feel like I'll kms if I don't  
24/25yo = decide to go to uni in another province (and not finish the ONE credit i had left on that previous program because I wanted to do uni NOW (also escape the town i felt like id kms if i didnt) and my province needed me to have that credit   
30 = longest ive been settled here, not moving (tho i wish but i just moved within my town a few months ago and theres no lease but like i dont wanna move again. anyways, i just decided to quit my job of 2 years and a half over getting (legitimate) criticism, going to go do an associate. which ive applied for already. within a day.   


Never regretted any of those decisions (well we'll see about my job vs back to school but I'm miserable over my job for many reasons and I felt such relief the more that decision was getting cemented in my head.)   


BPD thing or just a me thing? Also its strange to me because I struggle hardcore with like small choices like oh where do i put this painting, oh what do i eat for dinner but this, w/e.   


I cant wait to tell my boss lol. byeee",0.9376969696969688,3.23286627457627,3.0163636363636392,89.35880328710839,84.5593220338983,5.880842321520287,23.51566512583461,7.229369725052465,1.0647175141242942,1121,43,231,17,33,378,175,295,0.073,0.7859999999999999,0.141,0.9721,3,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,1,21,14,0,2,10,1,18,5,1,3,1,45,37,19,0,7,17,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,15,7,2,1,11,0,2,9,10,4,1,2,11,4,30,10,32,25,3,36,0,2,1,1,3,15,0,3,17,147,45,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998853328891808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434681478493025,0.18022267711438186,0.09376001778538104,0.0,0.0,0.07662727016759556,0.11815635628145252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878951053899569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586795936900836,0.17329020486061,0.0,0.13737916823339014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191837900403914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920206442782467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534046492279326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860832217981484,0.11531227584555373,0.1320618549298879,0.0,0.0,0.11530128463367005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056975141805482576,0.08049967156944389,0.21638378253968327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774284471038846,0.0,0.2561579264998925,0.0,0.09012167291695246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564370671802116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335456944514662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242875733012112,0.0,0.07959026145679021,0.2752523959529153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169943475354257,0.0,0.0,0.11424133429711072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994128200440546,0.3592877405391133,0.0,0.08355188937101207,0.08690690369102888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635588682349202,0.08569934288795074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327600987143607,0.0,0.1198506238343372,0.0,0.0,0.07218664123139693,0.11585532814357008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140396731724897,0.08979255035251175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093211284376262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674770814566922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779914829165625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848857984237906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972113624957967,0.0,0.0,0.08945650819052617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297402166198143,0.06646245616797826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131418269779616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957814058509198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725631784805541
bpd,takja,2019/08/15,DAE like talking to friends online so you won’t feel lonely? I find myself snapchatting people I don’t really even hang out with in real life anymore to keep myself distracted,4.622727272727276,7.1669749090909125,5.1484848484848476,77.7427272727273,72.63636363636364,6.824242424242425,26.15151515151515,7.793537801064563,1.9220787878787884,144,5,22,2,3,46,29,33,0.138,0.7040000000000001,0.158,0.1779,0,2,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,5,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629054137864691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24169410111473905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502580566045188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344544800550614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28271753118190274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252564569426535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584680227571026,0.17877549649646374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253690613475723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165098089914007,0.2344248917775569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941216308756405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,milkdrops,2019/08/15,"a previous boyfriend just messaged me after 10 months of no contact and my heart is just about beating 400mph, holy shit, i'm having such a reaction to this, i know it's just my bpd but i need to vent, i need to put this down, i need to get it out of me,

he said 'i'm sorry for all that i did, i don't want anything from you, have a good day'

and my brain is conveniently ignoring the part where he said he wants nothing, rather it's re-arranged those words to make the sentence read as 'there is a hell of a lot i want from you, but don't worry, i'm not going to make you feel like i'm here because i'm after something'

i'm just like 'why?' why now? why after 10 months of not hearing a peep out of the other??? i feel so fucking *happy*. and *excited*. like christmas has come early. i can't even explain the level of euphoria i feel right now. i'm trying SO hard to not go crazy about this and 'stay calm' but i'm seriously shaking 

i've got about a million voices in my head telling me to calm the fuck down, among other things

- *'it was just a silly impulsive message.'*

- *'it meant nothing.'*

- *'don't you remember how unhappy you were at the end of that relationship?'*

- *'he's probably just cleaning out his closet.'*

- *'don't be a fucking idiot and get all happy about this, he said he doesn't want anything; you're getting yourself in a state for no good reason.'* 

- *'you're going to get hurt, i just know it, and you better believe i'll say i told you so - literally i'm sat here powerless to stop you, and i know precisely what's going to happen because we've all seen it all before. you're just getting your hopes up for absolutely no reason at all.'*

- *'he probably immediately regretted contacting you.'*

but hey against the advice of... all that, i messaged back RIGHT AWAY in true bpd style, but playing it as cool as a cucumber, i said 'i'm sorry too, i can't control my emotions when i love someone. what made you message me after all this time?'

i'm trying really fucking hard to *listen* to my voices and take it for granted that he won't reply and that i'll never hear from him again... but fuck me, i can't help feeling this excitement in my belly, literally i feel butterflies from my nethers to my neck, LOL. 

the excitement is because he was the best relationship i've ever had, he was as mad as i am, we completed each other in one big perfect fucked up system of total codependency. being with him completed me as an individual, he made me so happy, we were so terrible together but i've never felt more alive. that's why i'm so excited. he was colour in my black and white world. vibrant, explosive colour. 

- *'considering how intelligent you are, you're one of the stupidest girls i've ever met.'*

- *'all this is so embarassing to watch. i hope he never replies so we can go back to normal.'*

i get it, i get it. it's stupid and it will probably come to nothing. but i'm riding such a high right now i'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts. 

big shout out to all my homies in this sub who have been through this exact thing cos i know y'all be out there lol",0.9836433999437092,3.2156422998405105,3.1935892203771488,88.58902160146357,83.73684210526315,6.240069424899148,22.458227788723146,7.510576382923642,1.0051831503893416,2370,83,501,40,68,807,262,627,0.14,0.682,0.17800000000000002,0.9877,1,0,1,0,0,0,103.0,3,13,0,5,42,42,11,1,23,3,34,12,5,10,19,101,109,37,0,12,21,0,8,3,0,2,0,11,2,1,39,23,0,3,15,2,0,11,18,17,0,3,22,26,61,25,74,82,15,68,1,2,6,7,57,29,8,3,28,316,100,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061640597988482364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381817600982364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926530577717753,0.09700854763297004,0.0,0.11535810921396117,0.0,0.053676043866987315,0.07106904235125294,0.0661980872023105,0.05578872843351238,0.0,0.0,0.15889294886206956,0.07041763007355095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867487927429252,0.13227539844133404,0.0,0.0707490696576729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068108588653893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095599401676986,0.055869750850592835,0.0,0.0,0.04166344230416297,0.11411811348367355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947455778525424,0.0450640371171834,0.060566252121369936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498961185094439,0.2306951987881168,0.0,0.2150973429318981,0.10581625339750933,0.05045047183687861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578103030638348,0.2014480349518481,0.11301375836346585,0.0,0.0647378081215391,0.0,0.1421904557111558,0.07474956050262185,0.04228088706941971,0.06664699899905971,0.0,0.1253044356818514,0.0,0.0,0.06752795391630202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386674655456446,0.051418245511710585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245243325333627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362797051572897,0.05693174907647481,0.119374774907639,0.0842121676666002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069897656954097,0.0,0.0,0.14031804243740342,0.14595249361831886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618045577053008,0.1815795642663859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548865978815744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830899648763693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403124426517516,0.0,0.0,0.0634123619862129,0.0,0.0,0.0630966118117639,0.0,0.040410369587784205,0.12971254927869938,0.0,0.13544764162065842,0.0714568240019537,0.1616087515763182,0.240012356494517,0.05016338330133648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475024296677516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053447090890016716,0.04856171290506093,0.0,0.14122476482812513,0.0,0.06723439833695524,0.0,0.05273732128577622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742796493134064,0.0,0.055134299694712535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838144890486606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03678218797450692,0.0,0.0,0.060275205205484,0.0,0.08565373618216403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882379186201874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276778995667349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406033644044823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CatscratchDisease,2019/08/15,"Jesus I hate being fragile and having no one understand why It’s honestly so frustrating to try to explain why I’m so sensitive and why I feel emotions so strongly. No one ever fucking gets it. I can’t control how I feel. I can’t just choose to not be hurt or sad or angry about something. I am always aware of how irrational I’m being but I can’t fucking help it. It’s how I feel and I don’t have control over it whatsoever. Everyone always says “oh but they didn’t mean it in a rude way/they weren’t trying to be mean/they’re just in a bad mood” etc. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEIR INTENTIONS WERE, I’M STILL HURT AND ANALYZING THEIR MOTIVES WON’T DO JACK SHIT TO HELP ME. Christ on a bike if I could just turn off these feelings I would. I’m so tired of being told I’m wrong for feeling a certain way or how I’m “supposed” to feel/interpret things. I’m so tired of constantly having my feelings invalidated and being told I’m being too sensitive, as if I can just decide to not be upset and magically grow a thick skin. Do people actually think I’m choosing this? That I’m choosing to feel like shit? I’m really done trying to tell non-borderlines about my feelings. They never understand.",2.1692753623188423,4.264841082304528,4.215208445160137,83.65945249597425,78.50617283950619,7.189049919484702,25.79155483986402,8.18289091462,1.783273895151189,945,37,187,18,23,323,125,243,0.20800000000000002,0.688,0.10400000000000001,-0.9848,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,4,4,18,18,7,1,5,0,27,7,3,8,3,50,58,23,0,4,13,0,11,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,6,0,2,18,1,0,1,13,13,0,2,6,12,19,4,21,41,1,12,2,3,0,2,11,6,4,5,5,121,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.1001405632772642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707731309428244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568191314237213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089382166183293,0.23019008094174115,0.08193228497878728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501404995124812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543166634595145,0.0,0.0,0.11444642224534488,0.0,0.0928240396192853,0.0,0.09805609057592513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669816209332915,0.07331046472948967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897377502173154,0.05361377565897528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131423035335764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756563674816905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970981742991605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501340705416573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356261325484275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914548436752511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390735002697151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114254112559433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573984853303927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160611382113007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106722214389276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900050614356909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195102947559957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969283250508217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817497428430658,0.06575360094294667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588905720911235,0.0,0.19611218115185025,0.0,0.20901307141001288,0.11161913730856368,0.0,0.2136583367030283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290710611933382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777909009095452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728970271533113,0.11219689570848487,0.0,0.0
bpd,bbybl00,2019/08/15,"Getting diagnosed was a mistake:/ Today I got diagnosed with bpd and I feel like it’s making me take steps back and validate all of my toxic traits, now whenever I feel challenged I just jump to “oh well I have bpd so don’t talk to me this way” when I’m being toxic. I feel horrible that to me the diagnosis made me feel justified for being a bad person, I wish I could go back to wondering what was wrong and secretly hoping there was nothing wrong with me all along. I can see my current relationship about to turn toxic and horrible but I’m dependant on my S/o to make me happy so I can’t leave however I’m scared of becoming abusive I wish I could go back to not knowing. I’m scared and worried and I want to be a good person with normal qualities and have my brain be normal I don’t want to be this person I see myself becoming so I’m gonna work super hard on self growth and listening and validating other so I don’t turn into a toxic manipulative person. I know I can have control back I just need proper therapy and meds, I feel like now that I’ve acknowledged that I’m toxic and not good to be around I can turn that around and work against it anyways sorry for long post just needed to get that off my chest",1.8115879265091863,3.8117985511811017,4.100492125984252,84.51417650918637,79.23622047244095,7.540419947506561,23.181758530183732,8.472884824447931,1.5664230971128612,968,32,199,21,24,335,123,254,0.125,0.7040000000000001,0.17,0.9158,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,20,15,0,2,5,0,21,4,2,6,2,55,58,18,0,12,6,0,6,2,0,1,2,1,0,5,11,19,0,1,10,0,0,5,6,6,1,0,5,9,33,9,27,44,2,23,0,0,2,0,9,6,0,3,12,131,44,3,0.0,0.10739573397785436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613808726682081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787918561395953,0.07568213298115732,0.0,0.20021353604066225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832039661263154,0.101186247357467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166250774436143,0.14474023419414478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399907713241667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291561365303937,0.12950906759862935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471321893343446,0.0,0.10302766946813176,0.15205211506745125,0.07249454315993421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648990209328064,0.08119726620037046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002777863049617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996287467675286,0.0,0.0,0.0959765989639868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856602880273606,0.0,0.0,0.08021515772438914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576748102307437,0.1210082364192152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068262747622013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441952094436793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776194756130068,0.08697327021527942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31657976148292777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680980714991253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973153921446817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814965473698429,0.0,0.14445958904844647,0.0,0.09455918574738564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146609572043903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815136757927391,0.07285446088008753,0.0,0.0,0.10365681985090128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591784620052127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957768127443181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692578691087322,0.07194725710904916,0.0,0.0,0.08149788117079278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084672377062135,0.0,0.09829718647980693,0.13197664793837027,0.09205116732976244,0.0,0.0,0.19820520036645645,0.0,0.0
bpd,llama1122,2019/08/15,"Dating... I'm attempting to date again but it's so incredibly difficult. I'm not very outgoing and I don't meet guys IRL so I've resorted to OLD. But I've been stood up enough times. I'm unsure why the guys I talk to and am interested in meeting up with change their mind about this. But getting stood up is horrible. I try so hard to have a thick skin and not let it effect me but it just does. And really messes with my self esteem. 

I used to be great with guys but maybe it's just cuz I'm a couple years older (I'm only 28 but it was so easy when I was 26) or maybe it's because I might want to actually date and not just sleep around. 

I don't even tell guys upfront about all my baggage... I'm not going to do that until we meet up. 

And I try so hard not to get attached. I don't have an FP so I think that makes me be more attached but I try not to be. But talking to a ton of guys isn't fulfilling, talking to just a couple is much better for me. And I'm scared to even get to the point where maybe I should discuss BPD or other mental health issues. Not that anything has gotten that far in probably a year.",-0.5450706613906142,1.5031310163934428,2.0061334087054843,95.66549180327871,89.24590163934425,5.168795929903901,17.020350480497456,6.647476241863616,-0.2403449406444325,864,21,206,11,29,296,123,244,0.091,0.8270000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.0853,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,3,18,6,0,1,8,0,20,3,2,4,1,43,38,26,0,2,21,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,12,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,6,4,19,3,28,26,5,23,0,0,0,0,16,11,0,3,11,132,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.105271969029962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877322382179559,0.09603301672068064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576055460616778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540805793954496,0.0,0.0,0.13586676105447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411910506921626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872674139349676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944035116636006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114653320148902,0.0,0.14250291157124362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908316308719198,0.0,0.06130873963649705,0.0,0.0,0.1189342971074254,0.0,0.5340738134724138,0.0,0.0,0.19327243170199707,0.0,0.0,0.11466774729616128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259510982677692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031109968717873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720084468453606,0.0,0.3251295365925524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871420774983702,0.11443999110312655,0.10892458157279272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930168995012855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319831137131416,0.0,0.0,0.08204499110260345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197822559085236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630918598863955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910849182706505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800326383256424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253878747628736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795447521236662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601212973085594,0.0942888753235954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691229489383742,0.0,0.0,0.0629036943474578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972332549609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317071853978022,0.0,0.08900946638533709,0.06362839481848143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097341823533875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893794589761638
bpd,inpain23,2019/08/15,"How long does it take you to get over ex BF/GF/FP? Just curious, I don't think I ever do. I can just focus on something else but the pain is always there. I'm pathetic but idk how to move on. Anyone else still love someone from a long time ago like 2 yrs? It doesn't help that we've somewhat stayed in contact between occasionally blocking each other lol. 

Just wanted that off my chest, it feels damn heavy",2.456785714285715,4.06302348809524,3.6995238095238094,89.91214285714287,76.02380952380952,6.2285714285714295,22.714285714285715,6.868970318607317,0.5260428571428575,319,9,69,3,7,104,67,84,0.212,0.6409999999999999,0.147,-0.7549,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,8,4,1,0,2,1,5,3,1,2,1,14,12,4,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,9,12,2,13,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,7,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039900524835244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810984308481385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580746550000191,0.2316372691808191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783695065588933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377707950463893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449488079162004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430869189143238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181131817483729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515311583250439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044725936367104,0.0,0.0,0.4001328477679103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403862078070106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24027853979939465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405563283733505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154989767293196,0.1740411121145645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409624529059357,0.18054122695045355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997785432566245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448576774033654,0.0,0.0,0.13182428127289122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334300159165546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,undergroundfatale20,2019/08/15,what job do you have I saw this in r/schizophrenia and thought it was interesting. wanted to ask my own people. sorry if this is copyright or something. I am unemployed,2.293125,5.122662062500002,3.3862500000000004,85.03375000000003,84.625,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.6513499999999994,134,6,24,2,4,43,30,32,0.042,0.871,0.087,0.34,3,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,1,2,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,19,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114210711348395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436717521198435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051002711124341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387997597649924,0.0,0.4926403285050712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493791839834149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25957416817618284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jap7439,2019/08/15,DAE grow up in foster care and as a result not have any family at all? Is anyone else here an orphan basically and think that is the reason they have BPD? I am 35 and was diagnosed when I was 25. I’ve made a lot of progress since then but it has been as a result of mental health/recovery programs that were community living environments. I have been living in programs for the last 10 years off and on and receiving intensive mental health treatment in that time. Each time I’ve tried to leave these programs and live a normal life on my own I just completely fall apart immediately because the thought of being out in the world all on my own is absolutely devastating. I think everyone in the world has a family member or someone close to them that validates their existence regularly. I feel like I am the only person in the world who literally has no one and that reality makes me suicidal when I’m out on my own. Is anyone else out there successfully surviving on their own without close friends or family members to interact with on a regular basis?,7.524491449144911,7.271738415841585,8.395580558055807,67.5780873087309,63.356435643564346,12.295949594959495,34.700270027002695,11.741389052700956,4.2484693069306925,848,33,152,25,11,288,120,202,0.09699999999999999,0.821,0.08199999999999999,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,3,5,4,0,0,14,0,18,3,0,5,2,33,26,15,1,1,6,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,7,1,15,4,29,18,8,34,0,0,0,0,9,24,0,3,8,111,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019185348978308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854737086554835,0.2717869185151146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084903577247572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670408148253815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522348322639133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390583439682576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461502444506834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215880033430768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673211068706686,0.0,0.0,0.375090728519334,0.0,0.06706089922087255,0.0947497485984729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246836542009938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28195555401313577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810983984724801,0.0,0.1404343154003287,0.0,0.0,0.09367935442335487,0.06479553222814773,0.0,0.3513398957501668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275591467756242,0.0,0.12549618981191085,0.08853048046487948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26731644597530685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299476629133194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987242978125977,0.10086986735943217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580599477726986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636407455311408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971157507857396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112375604786146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507393263311671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699658345306435,0.0,0.10529212723852784,0.15467336201697726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004597112189681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784903548546908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540833502168431
bpd,Avalolo,2019/08/15,"When I think one person is mad at or upset with me, I think they hate me; And if one person hates me, then oBviOuSLy everyone hates me. Right? Then I gotta tell myself that's a really self-centered way of thinking. People don't have time to sit around and think about how much they hate me all day.",4.0204838709677455,4.3871986290322615,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,70.7741935483871,8.135483870967743,21.951612903225808,8.07648339933343,0.7470838709677419,233,4,52,3,4,76,47,62,0.284,0.716,0.0,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,5,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,13,12,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,11,0,6,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232110035849492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034956522986357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634996348700429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6757291494131997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578299720215394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318924442188603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186237329006622,0.29880726769554194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096152331633219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461240531904345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785014417620328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955466079576052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385526562366057,0.0,0.0,0.09977360148424687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358164098313845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,17vansilef,2019/08/15,"DAE Constantly have episodes and feel like they're driving away everyone that cares about them Hey so this is my first post I'm new to reddit but I just want to know I'm not alone. I'm 20 y.o. male and I'm sorry this is a long poorly written post I just need help. 

I was diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, and possible frontal lobe epilepsy a little over a year ago, and since then I've been playing medication boggle with my psychiatrist and so far I'm on abilify 20mg, depakote 1000mg, and catapres .1mg daily. I also take trazodone to help sleep. Today was just taken off of ritalin 30 mg 2x daily (which I've been on for about a year) but was taken off bc my psychiatrist didn't like that I smoke weed also. But I told him I will not be stopping smoking as it helps SO much. (Am currently switching psychiatrists) anyway he told me today he wants me to be a candidate for shock therapy bc none of the meds are really helping and that sent me into an episode which made things worse. I have episodes almost everyday and absolutely hate myself beyond reasoning. But it's so much worse lately than ever before it seems every little stresser sends me into a rage of fury and anxiety and restlessness which ultimately leads to me hating myself more for acting like that then I get more depressed etc. Etc.  Its just a vicious cycle of self hatred and episodes. And I just want it to end. So. Fucking. Badly. Please, somebody tell me they feel this way also bc as of right now I don't see myself making it to 21. I just hate myself so much and find nothing that makes me happy. The only reason I've made it this far is because of my supporting family, but even now I'm starting to not give a fuck about them either and I just think about suicide 24/7. I'm hoping the new meds will calm my episodes and make me able to control and understand myself more. I have no idea who I am, or what i like. I'm just, tired. I just always feel a burden to my family and i could make it all go away so easily.  Please, please tell me it gets better. Because I cannot live the rest of my life like this.",2.5922471042471003,4.4961171333333345,4.0646460746460775,86.13909266409269,76.47619047619048,6.921492921492923,23.018018018018022,7.824948511530503,1.126398326898327,1636,49,329,25,37,542,213,420,0.16399999999999998,0.677,0.16,-0.898,1,1,1,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,3,4,29,24,7,1,14,0,22,8,1,10,2,69,68,37,1,6,19,0,3,5,0,2,5,0,0,2,25,21,0,2,11,1,1,6,8,12,0,1,14,4,44,12,39,49,12,45,0,1,1,2,21,15,2,4,26,210,69,1,0.0778615456169585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357444704014177,0.0,0.06901956229259723,0.0,0.07796709085842188,0.08064107944562612,0.0,0.1867975496978403,0.06478704331168199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956386928055112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630697030496426,0.0,0.06501113831122722,0.09492735104671912,0.0,0.06625444054622133,0.0,0.0,0.06886220974680961,0.0,0.0,0.09806389103194024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938503495648254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414066999109482,0.08732834411102539,0.06216610852351185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706203514824594,0.07902782982855343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896221888549857,0.0,0.1736724102659606,0.05142681655027534,0.07043022566815113,0.0656017103232138,0.07440004352023746,0.0,0.0,0.146801871415129,0.0,0.11810741082484813,0.0556243037462276,0.0,0.0,0.07116404211306784,0.06622899092619589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439634885572943,0.08135888793615358,0.07469188937669782,0.04425051069414039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288506313881001,0.0,0.23061646971350466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087558111044219,0.0,0.0,0.07733408319579092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789620766164065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279066921574881,0.0,0.08783121486614133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499591230872338,0.19019609124931536,0.15607544734032774,0.06875317126941763,0.06890501771105638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734895415235902,0.2078927452165205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297324910290124,0.07843731575903543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171158467817754,0.05773334949491255,0.0,0.15039833188571833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471025295696951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921721401731692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564057871122916,0.0,0.08777719377091713,0.14913967556382218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049880099881044984,0.16010927343268738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664933345286251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204557108842192,0.07088222685453731,0.08122657305061473,0.0,0.0,0.06440787513335955,0.0,0.07791777629402404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715962569955582,0.05511080273885919,0.0,0.0,0.06509573854500142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516789346472528,0.08835635926506412,0.0,0.0,0.058542192315041576,0.0,0.13610884551152774,0.0,0.0890414631139781,0.0,0.05172775116723671,0.049890534519929836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949039279062733,0.14760728226662148,0.14880008704047493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105661492214188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777427078390372,0.06180287075410985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869513376323696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028056517254558
bpd,yagurlkeyll,2019/08/15,"Can't tell if my emotions are ""extreme"" or ""normal"" sometimes. Sometimes, especially when it comes to negative emotions, I can't tell if I am reacting too extremely or if I am reacting ""normally"" if that makes sense. I essentially can't gauge my emotions. Also sometimes I am afraid of reacting negatively towards anyone because I am afraid of hurting people so I just... stay away so I can't hurt them, just in case.
 
I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years. 7 of those years I struggled with untreated BPD. I was emotionally abusive to him... I was so unstable and I put him through so much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel guilty for what I put him through. Bless his soul for staying with me and helping me through my struggles. Things have gotten a lot better since I started therapy/meds.

Anyways, I've noticed that now when I feel I have a logical reason to be upset/suspicious with him I immediately worry that I'm overreacting and it's my disorder speaking. I won't let myself get upset with him because I worry that somehow I'll be abusive. 

Does anyone else deal with this? :(",3.8679166666666696,5.824645513888887,5.369629629629627,77.93833333333333,73.02777777777777,8.31851851851852,32.83333333333333,8.998388855275968,3.0982055555555554,885,45,161,19,18,298,118,216,0.177,0.7609999999999999,0.063,-0.9754,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,1,14,9,0,5,4,0,21,0,0,5,0,30,29,16,0,6,8,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,12,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,7,0,0,4,3,36,2,23,21,2,16,2,2,0,0,14,4,0,8,7,123,48,0,0.0,0.2520653550761305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506514485085402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875466803711607,0.10899003727704697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993940211057233,0.0,0.0,0.12968599770434344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407683114159143,0.0,0.0,0.1339710147498815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162951508210936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860073271190614,0.10966421003356548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191080372986345,0.0,0.0930863012805202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885962899338465,0.4786138888650172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756911989505814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555746496545719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129848600308146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277454997201537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877193103427156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043313350809136,0.0,0.0,0.07100371437108366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819519499504303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844271243614226,0.0,0.1211045079086342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374451342019968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213865210352522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936748280596437,0.0,0.1142030412510625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879914951232087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31561200966653424,0.0,0.07529020201942352,0.2267554510331043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224048998312726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594652891832586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066841058088245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160505759282156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699934740996322
bpd,CarCarTooth,2019/08/15,"Spontaneous recovery? So like, I had a situation over the weekend. It's been 5 days since. I've been handling it very well. No self harm, no drugs, 3 beers (I'm a lightweight and never really had an issue with alcohol). I go workout, I work, I watch some Netflix, and sleep. I got back on tinder and been chatting with a few girls. It hurt, a lot, but I've kinda just shrugged my shoulders about it and gone, ""shit/life happens. Whatcha gonna do."" Bout it. I haven't spiraled out. I've been ... Ok.

Very fuckin odd. Last girl I dated I ended up in the hospital when it went South and it was much more tame than this time. 

It got me thinking. With this girl, I was being ""sickeningly"" healthy. I was boring the shit out of myself how healthy I was being, frankly. But I was happy, so fuck it. I was treating her very well, doing right by her and not being a bad person to be around. I, for the first time, thought, ""I'd actually like to be me"".

Bout 12 weeks ago, I fucked up. Bad. Very pivotal moment for me.  I compromised a moral value of mine that wrecked me. Like, it was the last straw for me. I stopped the drugs, I started working out, and being ""healthy"". Over night I seem to have dropped all of my bad habits/behaviors and shit. 12 weeks straight I have been what I would consider ""recovered"". I've simply refused to be anything but ""decent"". Depression tries to creep in, I slapped the depression and tell it to fuck off. I don't welcome it. Episode tries to start up, my head tries to fuck with me, I slap it and tell it to fuck off. I don't welcome it. For some reason I feel like everything will be ok. Like I'm make it through this and I'll be ok.

I don't know how to explain it, but ever since that fuck up I've been .... Good. It feels like I spontaneously recovered at the snap of a finger.

Is there something I should be watching? Like do I just keep this going and don't think about it or am I in the eye of the storm, so to speak and I'm not seeing the trouble ahead of me?",0.32088235294117595,2.5660211862745115,1.9544117647058847,96.1898529411765,87.13725490196079,5.066666666666666,21.245098039215684,6.528864054313183,0.2404156862745101,1516,52,345,17,48,492,194,408,0.166,0.66,0.174,-0.5695,0,0,5,0,0,0,87.0,0,0,0,4,16,36,9,1,19,3,40,18,7,4,3,54,70,24,0,2,9,0,3,7,0,4,3,1,0,5,26,21,2,3,9,5,0,4,10,19,2,1,20,8,45,17,48,36,7,47,1,3,4,7,15,20,9,6,29,222,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.08257964710161754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501300752173949,0.09043603917291183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963735515567597,0.07533223424975019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506971076061119,0.21196951321408145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457470618114901,0.0,0.14577098955430748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627116713771653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749506845906004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654616853995153,0.0,0.0,0.0760535173158981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557566195526528,0.12090909234163096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719801115724665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693944973552426,0.0,0.0,0.09618617624575664,0.07097759084486423,0.13536116930984068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483166373540588,0.09008254555880124,0.0,0.0,0.0868474078321901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905904590225257,0.0,0.0,0.08832421888315528,0.0,0.0752166339952902,0.0,0.0,0.04650647852754508,0.13795775505984315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893969838320581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194327954150469,0.0,0.0,0.05648637698733476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220749579386745,0.0,0.06526632120752904,0.0,0.0,0.07941276653222165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388936605824949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054211533415697434,0.08700633366371407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226740995539863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743341650031895,0.07703742011078131,0.0882800373230475,0.0,0.26059226847524114,0.14000171143815435,0.09511957423907967,0.08468391489419425,0.0,0.0,0.06514676675147353,0.0,0.0,0.1197929086496843,0.0,0.0,0.0707484510609989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792811650772508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084457483326724,0.0,0.06718105178874903,0.0986884719354423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235998192735147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792906940198829,0.0,0.0,0.13575861369902073,0.0,0.15217212235154626,0.07844618462239311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321281442603953,0.0,0.0,0.0601136101103219,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,houseplanthoarder-,2019/08/15,"Will we ever stop yearning for more passion and more intensity in our love lives? How do you all handle the feeling of always wanting more? I know after the honey moon phase of relationships, things settle down a lot and the flame is not nearly as strong as it was at first. My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and he is perfect in every single aspect aside from the passion and romance and fire is just not there anymore. I am not naive enough to believe that this is something specific to my relationship with him - I know that no matter who is beside me, I will always want more.. more passion, more intensity, more love, more lust, just more. How can I cope with this and refrain from jumping from person to person just to get that high again? Any tips on how to get that fire back? I truly do believe he is my soulmate and I can’t imagine my life without him, but my illness is definitely against me on this one. Is there anyone out there with BPD, in a long term relationship that can give me advice on how to get through this rut?",5.5703227016885535,6.186519863414635,5.756097560975611,81.88093808630396,67.4390243902439,7.868667917448405,29.915572232645413,7.61054688173877,1.799322701688555,832,29,160,8,13,264,118,205,0.055,0.8,0.145,0.9361,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,0,3,13,9,0,0,6,0,19,8,0,4,3,40,30,15,0,3,8,0,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,12,13,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,1,0,3,2,4,21,8,31,26,14,21,0,1,0,6,17,11,0,2,9,131,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025587886560326,0.0,0.0,0.14372458674788402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388569568023826,0.0,0.0,0.09760533856873717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234321671536174,0.10035953042570807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103657293224204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32341837426607273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807710414519424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830488338527525,0.0,0.0,0.1298311244816929,0.12093023610794168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257309302240585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208656558549365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22496554157941864,0.13768707817479095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516473513140596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776069574961135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013795010480416,0.0,0.0,0.12673964129618612,0.12701955512692392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202409421575786,0.2590829019396918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972596592417142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25064976250444315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622925953604892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049642516432248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199975273980359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535497064278886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020797828650158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931545446411211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383578218143537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242863001288652
bpd,motherofcunts,2019/08/15,"Just diagnosed, feeling lost Title sums it up well. This summer has been rough for me. Sought out some answers on my mental health and feel sidelined by the diagnosis. Not sure where to go from here (other than my psych), and AFAIK haven't met anyone with this before.

I have read some on it, but would rather hear from fellow BPD. Just anything, really. Also, does anyone else have a harder time at night? It's to the point I dread when the day starts to quiet, because distorted feelings are much more likely to occur. It's making me feel crazy.",2.7713111888111897,5.380694557692312,3.1876573426573422,89.04825174825176,79.38461538461539,5.320279720279721,18.10839160839161,6.574015621080383,0.057050000000000274,430,9,80,4,11,133,82,104,0.128,0.846,0.026000000000000002,-0.8997,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,1,1,19,17,5,0,2,5,0,5,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,7,6,3,15,13,4,14,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,7,55,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567949542583154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722390199047877,0.19946493995258144,0.16019884689387726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867052434816985,0.0,0.1656519246206538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451831477453693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554763144360487,0.0,0.0,0.1975884484385705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035918107018694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626238599801529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937289788438019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063684488917233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692772101685727,0.21941001007460076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510713036296696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250798576888394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299453782866178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618405159495128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310665693800426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826869156456995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840283978053214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472514050331066,0.0,0.12471216234632886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779016871650104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347648910332084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113515076573726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750339201971022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382897297114932,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway_For-help,2019/08/15,"Deserving of love? I believe I have BPD, purely because of the way I treated my now ex. I didn’t think I was being manipulative, toxic, abusive and emotionally blackmailing her. I tried my best in every other way and I would have these low moods every few months. I’d have a few weeks or months of being amazing and happy and everything would be going great but then I’d get into an argument with her and everything would go coming down and I’d think about suicide. 

I’ve left her because I realised I was dragging her down with me and that I needed to seek help properly and I couldn’t rely on her. 
I tried therapy and for a while when I was trying it I got better and it was nicer but I stopped thinking I was okay but another argument happened and here we are again. 

This time I’m going to continue with therapy and be myself, the self I know I am and the one that my friends tell me I am, not the one that treated my ex-gf horribly for some reason (not all the time, just the times I was low) because I every other time I’d do my best to be the best bf I could be. 

But I’m also here, read a sub and I’m here thinking I don’t deserve love. The stuff they said makes me believe I will never get better and that it will just be worse for whoever loves me. It makes me feel like I’ll be constantly more and more toxic and abusive to everyone. It’s as if I don’t deserve love from anyone. 

Is this true? Because I’m here struggling with suicide which I didn’t know threatened my ex with until I was shown the realisation. And I’m still feeling it and thinking about, if not more now because a part of me wants to be better and knows I can be but another part believes I don’t deserve anything anymore. 
Does anyone have any input?",2.6025521083469414,4.083781626740951,4.357708193257132,85.86888579387188,75.35097493036211,7.068715781385072,26.30688694649889,7.753152298057669,1.456686984919796,1360,50,282,19,29,460,157,359,0.12,0.6890000000000001,0.191,0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,1,6,14,23,0,1,14,1,39,4,0,4,4,68,71,34,2,9,13,2,2,1,2,5,0,1,0,1,17,28,0,1,11,1,0,4,10,3,0,2,11,3,49,19,27,43,12,33,0,2,0,4,19,8,0,4,20,206,66,1,0.0,0.18964435408643754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399976881248566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442297999319468,0.1678363590379759,0.0,0.0,0.07936801561332196,0.11191733560020968,0.0,0.0658576721179026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392698930469164,0.0,0.0,0.2704983964537733,0.2519588817312431,0.2123394530472955,0.0,0.0,0.10079467902628794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893855047137196,0.0,0.08648373764862044,0.0,0.06389724993575738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700345808145987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900227063961153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228556911279927,0.07647186367224262,0.14385117285418314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093090086094358,0.05717327533266683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061830792753639875,0.0,0.08362449122877802,0.0,0.13644826781488226,0.0,0.06400710858399668,0.08823309107482184,0.0,0.0,0.07077005097775907,0.08519316587620285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053642260045262784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194678663678536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695256657578959,0.0,0.0,0.03909849745465482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889199258073963,0.0,0.10684097023627176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277579791210676,0.0,0.0,0.05934105173898155,0.061723883292497735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846047084461698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332885882950105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800514155065974,0.0,0.0,0.08228392048773367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612662679011703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348849176681558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391186837094501,0.06690846144872538,0.0,0.08366447971682127,0.09161492632152277,0.17507913248773774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994953622381067,0.0,0.18304200659713327,0.0,0.0,0.25639918834897024,0.0,0.0,0.18666398262862344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630048578186691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720362495515423,0.12704779414748474,0.06419504480162876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155716085898218,0.1705525324282651,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CharlemagneAgain,2019/08/15,"Anyone here on disability as I am? I've been on disability for about 9 months and am looking forward to going back to work. Has anyone ""reintegrated"" back into the work force from disability? Any advice for me? I'm not sure how to handle interviews. What do I tell them? ""Ya, I'm crazy, but I'm manageabl-y crazy now"" doesn't seem like a good explanation. Help?",1.7148239436619723,4.219192366197188,4.158573943661973,81.05504401408452,83.08450704225352,7.493661971830987,21.551056338028168,8.472884824447931,1.5815760563380286,282,9,56,7,8,98,53,71,0.182,0.769,0.05,-0.8159,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,7,12,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,11,11,0,9,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,6,33,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669893881587043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858003374707828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820863673020115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201817247705918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552783659309543,0.2291656608938667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831349554976887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348247417880826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294376775169172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808320343950136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487310583960611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575085130387736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880808140116425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978177578646261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Myrealanon1991,2019/08/15,"My (27/M) Ex (23/F) with BPD, of 5 years reached out to me. We dated and lived with each other and were very close for 5 years straight. She left me 5 months ago with no contact and I'm still not exactly sure why, kinda gave up wondering about it. It was a few months after I caught her cheating again.

Anyways, 1 week ago I get a call from a animal shelter asking if I want to pick up our cat that she dropped off and the lady on the phone told me she was crying and the police were called and showed up and took her to the hospital.
Immediately after that call, idk what to do so I call my mom for advice and she suggest that I call my Ex's parents and let her know what happened in case they were unaware of the situation. That's what I did and that's when I found out she got kicked out of her friends place, threw away every single thing she owned in a dumpster, went to drop her cat off at a shelter, and then was going to take her own life. I did not contact my Ex, I just told her mom what I heard and knew my involvement was over at that point. I did however anticipate us possibly talking and what that might mean for me and her.

3 days after my ex calls me very late at night and tells me what happened and that she's sorry for many things. I tell her it's okay and that it's good to hear from her and ask if she want's to get coffee the next day, she very quickly said yes and started crying but I was trying to diffuse that and just talk about something positive... we ended up texting like friends for hours after. We met today for a 2nd time, right after her therapist appointment, on her own accord.

These chats and meetups have been very light and casual, nothing romantic or sexual nor is that what I want. What I want is for her to be happy and healthy which, in the big picture, is probably without me (likewise for myself) but right now I'm trying to support her as she is in a very rough spot and was going to take her life last week.

I'm pretty sure her therapist isn't suggesting we talk and see each other but maybe her therapist is focusing on much more important things and hasn't got that far yet. I wonder if us talking is actually doing more harm than good and still don't exactly know why she wants to reconnect. I'm trying not to pry or put ANY pressure on her so I'm not asking those kind of questions yet.

She still feels like family to me but the most important part for me is her own health and safety and that worth more than anything else, especially regarding her life. THANK GOD, she's still consistently doing therapy (she loves her therapist) and medicine (Prozac) I feel those are absolutely the most important things in her life and if her therapist says no contact with me, I will absolutely respect that for the sake of her well-being.

I think she is reaching out simply to see what happens.

What do I do?
How far would you go to help a Ex that is at a high-risk of suicide?
Why may she be reaching out to me at this point in her life?
Any thoughts or advice?

TL,DR: Ex with BPD is reaching out to me, idk why or what to do but think she could use some emotional support.",4.9930232173841205,4.9566839120879145,5.655951830124764,84.36921734280756,68.59183673469389,9.028654052714204,28.85106998264893,8.766177420268882,1.919354160125589,2440,77,526,37,38,794,276,637,0.06,0.7959999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.9953,3,0,1,0,0,1,62.0,7,1,1,0,18,20,1,1,19,2,42,8,0,3,4,102,98,51,1,11,20,9,3,2,2,4,7,4,0,0,41,49,0,0,13,3,1,8,11,3,0,0,28,10,90,17,83,62,16,86,0,0,2,1,96,40,0,17,38,359,131,0,0.0,0.0,0.05529730477180258,0.0,0.0,0.11074564315899986,0.10046100423933388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706889781001294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663083685508079,0.0,0.15892363845597887,0.0,0.05323905526139355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273630033933105,0.0,0.3471705580358743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045242750638200296,0.0,0.12448867127826405,0.07308905442080686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733671203327396,0.06374100389845029,0.05018876919589663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047743085293332835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341914283683897,0.0,0.05730350790148101,0.04048180855429101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621307407405537,0.08755917167413893,0.0,0.05921071732686186,0.0,0.09661284268054963,0.0950565813895294,0.09064107314945423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032720996249205,0.0603214248452177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023272318509763,0.0638660800782042,0.0,0.037981656445893366,0.0598701587073118,0.0,0.0,0.055804053522458034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900834589912068,0.06228369839935,0.04618990450389323,0.063921095381676,0.0,0.06156717684869373,0.05794426147171705,0.20012241443123724,0.055367752835927736,0.0,0.0500366302026334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511427806785642,0.0,0.0,0.05744987195398495,0.05692806053039081,0.06172528671775716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601130873149229,0.0,0.132731779545067,0.09045964258596773,0.0,0.04165562550504937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060264348561320374,0.053176685876370734,0.0,0.0543720272175417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292027593564423,0.06136315996628335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920333426106776,0.0,0.10713433162782432,0.06388178034332986,0.0,0.05764913389383065,0.061094938801263834,0.0,0.0,0.056964428003331936,0.06347827210857418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678396877756096,0.05390181887726619,0.04506263994856094,0.0,0.0,0.09031005374565224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369433959907854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362383156615842,0.0,0.06343233161767664,0.040108096919758716,0.0,0.18101240516205772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061982804745580024,0.12860656150019892,0.10681303137952808,0.0,0.08521073207344995,0.18218216792752198,0.09905620125477826,0.05216993279708651,0.06480188012094416,0.32896477268056884,0.15058402738843055,0.07261786417395,0.0,0.04498603743221785,0.033042079384054096,0.0,0.053712220553788166,0.10829253097559656,0.06295739955660916,0.11541636208944815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632311779918113,0.048940754755291985,0.0,0.2337746522478662,0.1671137517821453,0.0,0.09090721140857376,0.0,0.050949044484840486,0.052529439535042466,0.20452701825929373,0.0,0.0,0.0546234713540647,0.12290252592454305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040253509622211386,0.0,0.0,0.07298138345338674
bpd,notfergie,2019/08/15,"DAE start an argument with your FP or anyone else you love, almost instantaneously realize you shouldn’t have done that, and try to apologize and then go back to normal instantaneously but the damage has already been done? Like the person you blew up at for no reason, or a very inconsequential reason, is now hurt by the things you just got mad at them for and needs some time to recover. But you NEED it to be fixed RIGHT NOW, you guys have to be perfectly back to normal, and when you don’t , you get even more upset than you were before because it’s not immediately back to normal. How do you break out of this cycle? 

How do you start becoming okay with giving the person the space they need without immediately starting to spiral and think ‘this person is definitely going to break up with me and think I’m a terrible person for this. Oh my god I should try break up with them first just to see if they’ll agree or not, if they agree I’m going to want to die but if they don’t they’re going to be extremely upset I even tried and make things even worse’?",6.911619991383027,6.064668796208532,7.270056010340372,77.10479103834555,64.82938388625593,10.326755708746234,27.712623869021968,9.573946990214177,2.056939336492891,840,18,172,14,11,275,114,211,0.14400000000000002,0.725,0.131,-0.7917,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,12,6,2,13,10,1,2,8,1,19,1,0,5,1,46,40,20,1,12,14,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,8,12,0,0,5,0,0,4,7,6,0,1,5,1,22,4,30,29,2,27,0,2,1,1,26,8,0,8,13,122,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123652258914889,0.0,0.12382996316597455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846201935114949,0.1149755974283838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588548776504017,0.0,0.06840407360468469,0.12393056978873808,0.09548509629285748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645949758726178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296659531687517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373965901863714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234711318311245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544841860908697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862672135495443,0.10764504523215998,0.2550931976666788,0.0,0.08974707922405661,0.0,0.0,0.11110862633653996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012646084976165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054821660066079136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127671771338224,0.0,0.07490312585817344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24961380959749066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298350838850305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919206563156035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074754333536546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582938740339357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941932466836272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382750618485193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490988154302139,0.14380326672335994,0.0,0.0,0.06543236996584757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855601842036394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258757208786142,0.06618620278642115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816943888170967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435475119602978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,je-suis-farouche,2019/08/15,"suggestions for healing after heartbreak? it's been awhile since i went through the cycle of intense emotions after a heartbreak.  i had avoided relationships for several years due to being so exhausted over the constant turbulence i felt before, during, and after, and it seemed like my recovery was on the uptick.  a few months ago i met someone amazing and just recently we ended up separating and i've found myself back at square one again. i had the major cyclical emotional meltdown the night it happened, and now that that's passed i can barely sleep or eat and i'm so dissociated i've been forgetting tasks mid-execution which is detrimental as a student with a part time job.  any advice on how to get myself grounded and back on the right track again?",8.096708633093527,8.511499057553959,7.909991007194248,69.2986555755396,62.02158273381295,10.691007194244603,37.518884892086334,10.411451182825502,4.123481294964028,615,28,99,13,8,197,99,139,0.09699999999999999,0.836,0.067,-0.7352,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,10,0,8,4,1,1,0,17,16,12,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,9,2,10,2,17,6,3,27,0,2,1,0,4,8,0,2,18,71,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875367464388245,0.16215331957044332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439630392063987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131839935264136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565699222066293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976785783151885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717949385851504,0.0,0.41153541926627335,0.1620185980000992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563814238346054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056948334798308,0.0,0.0,0.09557155476790086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176131426484422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152634143112967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936865590266811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601020011232738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166414379186773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395574163937545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980915911244519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806178664546393,0.19639462019872334,0.0,0.1562182454506958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665294302256279,0.0,0.2066548954879894,0.0,0.15131870461706826,0.0,0.1830586236705001,0.0,0.15499304366581934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666592272699356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695747132984961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779867903387538
bpd,edithae19,2019/08/15,"Advice for someone dating a BPD person? So I'm just started a relationship and gone steady/exclusive with someone who thinks they may have BPD. 
I happen to be ""high functioning"" autistic (a.k.a. aspergers). 
I vaguely have an idea of what to expect as my ex (who was also autistic) thinks she has BPD and there were some of the symptoms there (high and low moods etc). 

Can anyone, people with BPD especially, give me any advice please?

How to support her?
How to protect myself?
How to not take it personally? 
How to set boundaries and when?
How to best communicate?

I have seen another subreddit for loved ones of BPD but that was overwhelmingly negative and frankly I like her too much to not give it a chance.",4.1626844783714985,6.624151725190844,4.701087786259542,80.80191157760818,73.73282442748092,7.725445292620865,27.71055979643765,8.59863814320734,2.2570605597964377,560,22,100,11,12,178,88,131,0.076,0.8170000000000001,0.106,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,12,7,0,1,5,0,10,2,0,5,0,22,22,15,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,5,1,11,4,16,15,4,8,0,2,1,1,13,3,0,2,4,74,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22627166011884395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258673145950827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873225055889709,0.12140215653684608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095388849950623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121500695781355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7290846555162581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912182871694775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221274716432828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238111522639118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24464926683991536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069800843064674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056562736889108435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449315708626353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510933042109843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845341221063361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026511296276931,0.2021838169244229,0.0,0.12708825032464574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243010439905824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619475441277395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819474736465403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138223474419986,0.0,0.12033651155324285,0.08704980736135927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837030344691332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadfaceanon,2019/08/15,"An FP wanting to not trigger my best friend with BPD. Hello, I'll cut to the chase because otherwise I'll blather on. (edit: I blathered, TL;DR at the end) 

I've been friends with my friend for 2 years now, we get along marvellously and I've been told that I've made a big positive impact on him and I'm very proud of far he's come along involving clingy also BPD past relationships, platonic and otherwise. He's undiagnosed and untreated due to circumstances beyond his control - indefinitely. 

Now, I'm not romantically involved with him at all as I am happily engaged. This is something that became known to him in casual conversation in the first month of knowing him, and this is also the moment that I learned from him that people in relationships trigger him very badly. It has gotten to the point where has a rule to not befriend people in relationships. He said that as much as it hurt in knowing, I'd be the exception.
In the conversation that deteriorated as his triggering caused him to back away, I told him that yes I'm engaged, we'd been together over a decade and that we live together. 

Fast forward two years, and the subject hasn't been brought up between us at all. I'm careful with talking about myself and the goings on in my life, but things are getting more difficult. I talk to him freely about my two in person TTRPG friends that I've known for over half my life... He just doesn't know that one of them is my fiancé whom I live with. The reason things are getting, hm, impendingly difficult, is that my friend and my fiancé are acquainted a bit and the three of us intend to play TTRPGs online together sometime soon.

My friend seems to have forgotten that I live with my fiancé, I know that memory issues is a thing that happens but I wish he hadn't forgotten, it would make the possibility of making it known that our now shared friend is that guy that I live with 7 days out of the week.

Have I left it too long? Is there a way to have that conversation without losing my best friend and without him splitting on me? He's a dear friend to me, extremely respectful with knowing that I'm not a romantic option for him, and lots to fun to talk to. I wasn't keeping it a secret from him as I'd assumed he'd remember that I at least don't live alone, but I'm realising that if he's forgotten that then I kinda am keeping it a secret. I know that he would feel absolutely horrible for making me feel like this, but I feel like selfish scum for even thinking about having this conversation. 

Tl;dr (or too long;couldn't read 😥)
Have a friend with BPD, he gets triggered by people talking about their personal romantic relationships, even casually. He knows I'm in a relationship but I don't talk about it to avoid triggering him. He knows I have an old friend and I talk to him freely about this friend. He doesn't know this friend and my fiancé are the same person. Now I've complicated things by introducing them. Is there a way to have an okay conversation about it? How would you want that conversation to be had with you?

😣",5.641535457530843,6.3580524688027005,6.3355130025738875,77.43478099760362,67.31365935919055,9.817147421673917,30.613694861098786,9.87579492184292,2.812968971332209,2426,89,471,53,38,796,238,593,0.073,0.75,0.17600000000000002,0.9964,0,2,1,0,0,0,60.0,6,2,3,6,25,37,1,1,30,3,42,2,0,14,2,97,85,30,0,7,15,0,3,2,13,3,2,1,0,4,44,30,0,4,23,4,0,4,13,8,1,6,13,4,63,29,85,65,10,54,0,2,0,0,84,29,0,8,23,320,107,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057543473708451184,0.0,0.08886273153199785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052200512176821416,0.042722262254155714,0.04639033547028608,0.033868901351035145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661372574634392,0.0,0.06065720358693606,0.0,0.20992787946804728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566471915215738,0.057075493867043026,0.0,0.047860078375372817,0.0,0.0,0.06231533987269719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035831647054529514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920972854771702,0.0,0.0,0.07339380093654288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427851829730827,0.07938424639591203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725936488323523,0.0,0.0,0.5580324124973252,0.0,0.11611136807908412,0.0,0.03157606664269318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550132017924672,0.04913158404499991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947820119138235,0.0,0.0,0.057990275327976085,0.0,0.09876868133757934,0.0,0.0,0.27480923982166816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036617571449052,0.0,0.07848743731519972,0.054287684894569116,0.0,0.24530278677519365,0.09833782241742038,0.0,0.062157503621146075,0.0,0.04723518239236951,0.0,0.05257227908854548,0.11126032911003003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434751566435028,0.0,0.0408430423066926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830094444761895,0.0,0.03764893952483698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053038371013769736,0.11555506505349633,0.1455387232078206,0.0,0.0,0.05252222222235093,0.06263562785471066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557510266764738,0.0,0.0,0.05712500272559772,0.0,0.2982535976581293,0.0629387254906797,0.0,0.05285034715287145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057979860191182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277285424559679,0.05495032725104442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679424652242996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764655978079855,0.03560064772426447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618005060562513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854822516474852,0.0,0.13366384012112065,0.0,0.0,0.09168574852714252,0.0655415344392409,0.08820199066764399,0.04456693467601101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389133545009153,0.1071158444701325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184048331930736,0.0,0.0,0.07155772349706546
bpd,CryingComedy,2019/08/15,"I guess that's it? Everyone is gone. I got what I always wanted. I guess its just a matter of time. Making it to 27 was a hell of a run, but I'm tired and just.

Done.

Thanks for everyone who dealt with me for the past little while. I'm simultaneously happy and sad we won't get the chance to really know each other. Guys, be kind to yourselves and allow others to be kind as well. I... yeah. There's a lot I would change but.

Seeya.",-1.3009161490683248,0.7236422934782638,1.4663354037267098,96.25413043478264,98.8913043478261,4.367701863354037,10.919254658385091,6.1826913282559595,-1.1434310559006209,329,4,78,4,14,113,65,92,0.122,0.623,0.255,0.9329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,6,1,7,1,0,2,0,19,18,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,4,0,8,5,10,10,2,6,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,3,3,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104558867319804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204745765735474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980645245535448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36988256273358017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011196786558096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547962362842787,0.0,0.4264249814115877,0.19164074557428545,0.0,0.20603307548992547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030962801812208,0.10636769578166218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398371193938693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645456958705963,0.0,0.0,0.12919330711394258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476134153159166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399037890609142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819094508903374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285809732690105,0.22245239558514646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141583121575256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402089482170002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748936481537766,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Known_Orchid,2019/08/15,"DAE have BPD features, but does not “full blown” BPD? After getting sober 113 days ago, I am working on a lot of stuff with my therapist so that I can be a healthier I, more stable person.  As time goes on and I get further and further away from alcohol, it has become evident to me that my mood swings and feelings of emotional volatility and instability are not normal and cannot be blamed on alcohol.  I brought up BPD today and at first she was skeptical, but after going through the DSM criteria for it, we realized I meet some but not all criteria.  She described it as “BPD features” and advised me to talk to my psychiatrist about it to confirm.  She gave me “Walking on Eggshells” to read to see if I saw myself in any descriptions, and while the stories were generally a bit more extreme than my own behavior, the underlying motivations, factors and feelings are the same.

I am already on a mood stabilizer, see a therapist weekly, and am beginning a DBT therapy group soon (all unrelated to possible BPD - I also have anxiety and depression and was doing this to help treat it). 

I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified of BPD. I had two coworkers who were diagnosed with it but untreated (according to them) and they made my life a living hell.  I needed medication and therapy for what one of them put me through, so it really scares me that I might have a similar issue going on, albeit not as severe.

Does anyone else have something similar going on/have received a similar diagnosis? If so, how are you doing and what is your prognosis? 

TLDR: my therapist feels I have BPD features but not full blown disorder; am looking for similar stories.",8.057026699029127,7.423434417475732,9.011777912621355,64.85028822815538,62.43042071197411,13.161893203883496,40.67172330097088,12.38480682065935,5.3945354368932055,1301,66,223,42,16,447,166,309,0.083,0.85,0.067,-0.8478,0,0,3,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,3,3,7,7,2,1,13,0,26,5,0,3,2,47,46,31,0,4,13,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,15,18,2,0,5,1,0,8,7,4,0,3,9,7,34,1,40,34,11,34,1,1,4,0,18,15,1,5,11,176,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227316902562822,0.1742657536630022,0.0,0.0,0.08997255255404152,0.06520108422619968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544453313220102,0.0,0.06237173127937123,0.0,0.0,0.0570090467531309,0.08353913477461195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660196648054074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004565145855901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901179092325033,0.0,0.7188066043176949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258137347994063,0.0,0.07022336335493752,0.08275322985553374,0.0,0.0,0.09344269731170303,0.0,0.1426983467961652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810949613340203,0.09171248851227833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367503620982975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935104913174947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519417487203403,0.0,0.1853459820744761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054649158585906535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850981904511544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758843918999046,0.0,0.0,0.07199422023479776,0.0,0.06846631758600742,0.0,0.0,0.06931556238502108,0.0,0.07714751814896106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213487874259334,0.0,0.0864925321632954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045492013948945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988401638365038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055248170625997066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119056839277822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191504192835544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196214570431487,0.0,0.0,0.08155403029915177,0.0,0.052231465543568674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162772192424372,0.0,0.12994084278758494,0.0,0.0,0.09210791509629628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276729117330608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333459539468428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553230636990738,0.0,0.0,0.18647781875649505,0.2839946918640649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754194538196668,0.0,0.07728277104571964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964488430138783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654000256669536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059356242719342825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bagofcorn12,2019/03/08,"My feelings/thoughts as someone without BPD, dating someone with BPD I worry a lot about her. The possibility of going back to the life that she used to have. Constant drug abuse, the string of one night stands to try and get some sort of fleeting validation, or slicing up her thighs when something goes wrong and she doesn’t know how to cope with it. I think that therapy and support has been helping her to get better, but I honestly have no clue, all I can do is hope that there’s some sort of change.

I think that there are few worse feelings than loving someone with your whole being, and being completely helpless when they’re struggling so much. I knew what I was getting into when we started dating, and I’ve accepted the stress and responsibilities that come with it, but it’s just hard sometimes. I feel like I’m walking a fine line between a dad, babysitter, and boyfriend. I hate having to switch between these roles, but I know I have to in order to keep her under control sometimes. Even having to say it like that makes me feel bad, because it makes it seem like she’s some sort of child who can’t control herself. That couldn’t be further from the truth - I respect her more than anyone else in my life. She’s intelligent, beautiful, creative, and just overall a shining beacon in my life.

I honestly don’t know how our relationship will work out. I’ve known her for years, and finally had the opportunity to date her starting about 8 months ago. This is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that I care for more deeply than anyone else. The cloud of uncertainty that circles around in my head about whether or not she’ll stop loving me, if she’ll cheat on me, if she’ll kill herself in an impulsive fit of depression - it eats away at me a little. I know that there’s a chance, and that it even happens with people who don’t have BPD, that my support and affection will mean less to her than a stranger’s. That thought hurts too.

All I know is that I love her more than anything else in the world. It’s for that reason that I’m willing to work through my own temporary mental distress while she goes to therapy and continues developing healthy coping mechanisms while she gets better. I’m willing to take this risk because I know that she can get better, and even though I can’t make her better, I can support her as much as possible.

I love her. ",7.042483940042827,6.499828434689507,6.67892591006424,80.44910406852252,64.4389721627409,9.442021413276233,34.09755888650963,8.608573733854374,2.5681461070663816,1897,72,376,23,25,593,225,467,0.12300000000000001,0.6609999999999999,0.21600000000000005,0.9944,0,0,2,0,1,0,47.0,2,1,0,9,21,35,3,4,18,0,34,12,2,10,3,79,79,34,1,5,12,1,4,3,0,7,5,1,0,2,33,25,1,4,18,0,1,3,9,12,0,1,5,6,60,23,62,63,16,42,0,3,1,4,40,18,0,13,22,264,93,2,0.0,0.08655070890597549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475322345962561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215463341082244,0.1496939551596536,0.06011281734339177,0.06502878846276419,0.0,0.0,0.06863161419146156,0.056169905200960726,0.060992574084797385,0.0890595618195889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584223896845566,0.0,0.0,0.2760066641277153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447797026146381,0.0,0.07727578906211648,0.06292494646614236,0.07659012295473086,0.07893964297945645,0.16386055178407932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291669786606856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471324617045144,0.07474700872598923,0.1830683287715577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474383928051893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080678160428548,0.052185972362387575,0.0,0.08002122886873063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082453133441002,0.0,0.041515232957186614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645966826794673,0.0,0.06543724494977067,0.07212042161574353,0.0749689926059458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896297236584285,0.0,0.0,0.07255379495154272,0.0,0.0,0.07820009395964607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492899924811542,0.08081751158428901,0.0,0.24087377610143104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063856959275268,0.10706364620746266,0.07321394096462742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062103352611469015,0.2637170456895803,0.0,0.14628162950640974,0.0,0.0,0.07957139816007264,0.0,0.0,0.07361586108685396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830673797060853,0.0,0.10739833021190698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068551212472287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949965784691307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064273836852175,0.06378326625916565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470276119142194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510618161118862,0.0,0.07842691572201567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809122089439243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650075025642434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568166013068205,0.05623642198198388,0.14449397150792015,0.0,0.1034084252710902,0.0,0.0,0.06107194488432657,0.08367698530748463,0.07636631277132595,0.0,0.0,0.24868423757810376,0.0,0.0,0.05492349610566643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707500212037266,0.0,0.0,0.09361325464782562,0.07176993077139082,0.1159849418774156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959524040771327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309058231992784,0.0,0.0,0.043085988217063095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155621245575262,0.0,0.0704162948302549,0.0,0.10636057890768473,0.07418445307759032,0.07444281821842436,0.0,0.07986723478283198,0.0,0.04704093759496257
bpd,1distantlights1,2019/03/08,Music/ Fp Anyone else feel music on an almost cathartic level? Have playlists for your various moods ? Forever hunting for those gems that give you respite from it all ? Or Usually always constantly have ear buds / headphones in /on? Use music as a buffer between yourself and reality ? Need a fan to sleep ? Sorry if this has been posted before.  I Think Music is my Fp? ,3.003484848484849,6.089364500000002,4.076060606060608,78.9007575757576,85.81818181818181,5.963636363636365,25.51515151515152,7.3871296695380915,1.9952242424242423,291,12,44,5,9,94,60,66,0.02,0.93,0.05,0.4515,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,2,2,1,1,9,10,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,9,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,2,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27676409760750204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22997815336442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932579212999036,0.28319364124163937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351870545428221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986787931393049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23088790978253315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975080433638587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651379336376533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493926602741816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647046803365387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27658904296888204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093953473055551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709919164019705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871173309810895,0.3044039177556564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Slymsh,2019/03/08,"When to contact a BPD We'll I've been with my gf for about 7 years, she took a contract in another state and was supposed to return last week. I went on a motorcycle trip for a weekend with my buddies (all male) and haven't heard of her for about a week. I think I know most of her triggers but I also need my mental health, so in a way I knew this would happen. Should I contact her, should I move on, should I just wait? Things have been bad for the last couple of months and she hasn't been to therapy. Cheers",1.1747706422018318,2.900370743119268,2.5178807339449527,96.42471100917429,80.10091743119267,5.460917431192661,20.074311926605503,6.2581,-0.1500429357798163,397,10,94,3,10,128,69,109,0.049,0.9079999999999999,0.043,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,1,19,21,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,8,1,17,1,18,8,2,19,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,9,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117044935096234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444319352256115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871731897261048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26958020038581515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368349781905477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892778935178009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22751815126803715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117632668461702,0.34894791815001475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570542848398896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084741945237872,0.2274942864352198,0.0,0.15871048723442532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24477731014256965,0.0,0.1422009404116886,0.13715038381311528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23781012045138275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989770757602302,0.34338544868794146,0.0,0.0,0.19842039904840197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205030765671232,0.0,0.0,0.13783694777730446
bpd,Aeonfluxuation,2019/03/08,"DBT skill for rumination help please. I am having a hard day.  I had a medical scare and was in the hospital a week, then had Influenza A, and now I found out my sister with Lupus had a stroke. I have been doing amazing throughout this entire thing with emotional skills, but this is starting to get to me. I am angry at the little injustices, mostly physical health and how I can't control all these things. Its started me down the rabbit hole and I'm thinking of injustices from years ago. A bad doctor who neglected me in an ER once, the way they didn't follow my daughter's birth plan, ect...
What skill do I need to knock this crap out? I get the radical acceptance but what about these invasive thoughts. Do I just let them come and observe and try not to interact with them and not judge? Should I just distract myself. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and could use a few words of guidance. ",4.836238095238098,5.8577536857142904,5.3363571428571435,82.77805952380953,69.28571428571429,8.804761904761904,29.440476190476193,9.075114841892004,2.3491047619047625,705,26,138,13,12,226,118,175,0.13699999999999998,0.7829999999999999,0.08,-0.9326,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,5,5,8,1,3,14,0,18,5,1,3,1,35,32,12,0,3,6,2,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,11,14,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,8,3,19,2,18,21,4,19,0,2,0,0,8,7,1,1,9,100,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862684654532473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883356659478562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076811880687972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386574636295811,0.0,0.0,0.21335839858037808,0.15188266187307586,0.0,0.0,0.12268219750818216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470780684404704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398242162545575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618567827961733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857667039929187,0.0,0.0,0.1987739744414392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040813835891785,0.0,0.0,0.20220491018272596,0.0,0.0,0.12750672764091756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194522405212982,0.0,0.0,0.19065979002139505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191636063292518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105265728221522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258805600642296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088147083741359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045277139961744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26929063493733635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527598631018247,0.1218912903691186,0.0,0.15102086004819598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915324592025038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642970863056886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099520855454054,0.15259051513696678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250146851947642
bpd,Rainbow_Explosion,2019/03/08,"I hate being needed My dad can't do anything for himself that requires mental effort. He has me make/cancel appointments, talk to customer service, fill out forms, deal with his technology...he's perfectly capable of doing these things on his own, but they're just too hard. He comes over almost every day asking me to deal with his problems. And I can't say no because I want to be a good daughter and help him. But it drives me crazy that he's so needy!",3.8385714285714254,5.417367111111113,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000002,72.33333333333333,6.920634920634923,26.190476190476193,7.447530270364453,1.3570476190476195,360,12,69,4,7,116,71,90,0.15,0.6890000000000001,0.161,-0.1241,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,3,4,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,15,12,5,0,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,2,12,2,10,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,1,1,45,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24308592614031985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976820909462709,0.0,0.22694489153761016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798232684570145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911353715312786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655808999783635,0.5005433203192828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453312204843996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361293413904194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746246157499652,0.2396721381901812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271480415897355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620420870921614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24464181484410685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800011335120584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228552712905146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304999624125707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511876619844676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127686901229932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431842838778724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pussycarver,2019/03/08,"I have a paradox Okay, so I've been aware of my BPD for a while, but for the last half year or so it's been kind of dormant and resulting in very few ups.

I haven't had a FP in such a long time and all the things I should be happy about have turned sour after 5 minutes (achievements, success in my work-environment, getting closer to my dreams etc.) 

I've had to live in a fantasy where I wanted to be noticed by a friend of a friend of a friend - someone I had very limited contact with and thus - wouldn't abandon me because as far as they knew I didn't exist. 

Somehow this has grown to me getting to know the person better, and I've put them on a pedestal, seeing no flaws in their existence and praising the earth they walk on. 
I also have a habit where I very much adapt my FP's way of behaving, and this person is SUPER chill, zen even. 

Problem is I feel the urge to go all lunatic and crave their attention, but at the same time I'm like ""meh, doesn't matter. I don't need anyone but myself""

I'm in equilibrium, guys - and I'm scared I'll either become super attached or fall back into a state of mind where I'm numb and need to act out to feel alive.

What do you do to combat these feelings and how do you work towards being your own FP (so to speak)?",6.117987275882013,4.371600654135339,6.718571428571429,83.33796703296704,66.89473684210526,9.387622903412376,30.987854251012145,7.61054688173877,1.8011692307692306,978,28,219,8,13,323,153,266,0.08900000000000001,0.7090000000000001,0.201,0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,5,8,13,16,0,1,17,1,23,1,0,3,2,42,40,23,0,6,6,0,3,1,3,2,1,1,0,3,6,13,0,2,6,2,0,6,6,4,0,1,7,6,25,12,37,28,8,34,2,1,1,0,17,18,0,3,9,146,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116125126171048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015348567537826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111658239827796,0.0,0.08851923353824706,0.16037406065983226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842726483619224,0.0,0.0,0.1828880796990394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194856881571182,0.09591044802465803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026902396669704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365688068722331,0.0,0.15173343240322856,0.0,0.08252671642324717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437816481462361,0.0,0.1545797323935809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512148352178237,0.07980412810007853,0.1183662868676905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094272423581667,0.0,0.12822390927347005,0.12850710121933515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662164168234604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674673981558393,0.21534412539838932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532360328581322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535851615019024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894724634875275,0.0,0.14597708955488245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453814705691516,0.0,0.11571430860820915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230367475508361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647168778000392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693473190336774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794779063354755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594426684476024,0.08564916726040937,0.1152616751503934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143056918839792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351107631231816
bpd,iLoveUrSmile,2019/03/08,"Rejection hurts really bad Hi everyone, 

Around 6 months ago my boyfriend and I broke up (mostly because of my bpd). I felt really lonely during those months, I installed tinder for a few weeks but I only met one guy there and I understood soon enough that tinder isn't for romance lol.

I have some problems with substances so I never turn down an invitation to the bar, even if I know I'm only going for the alcohol, not for the friends (are they really my friends anyway?).

Two nights ago I went to the bar, had a dozen pints and a little crush on the server.
He was really nice to my friend and I, he brought us free croissants and candies etc (he didn't do that for the other customers as they kept complaining because of the special treatment). Anyway he was really cute, he had curly hair, nice style and such a beautiful breathtaking smile!

I tore a piece of paper from my book and wrote my name and number down on it. I just wanted my friend to give him for me discreetly at the end of the night but unfortunately other friends joined us and they got curious. 

I was really drunk, I don't remember much, but I remember another server leading the way so I could talk to him... Once again I don't remember much but I know I asked him if it happened often and if he was interested and he said he was.

Yet it has been 48 hours and he hasn't texted.
I wonder if he just wanted to be nice and wasn't actually interested, if I'm being irrational because 2 days isn't that much, if I just embarrassed myself while drunk, or if he just forgot I don't know... Anyway all my friends from that night know he hasn't texted and I just feel like digging my own grave. It took me all the courage I tried to regain for 6 months and 12 pints to give him my number. I'm not going to lie to you I feel like shit. I regret giving him my number...

Does anyone have a similar experience? How do you handle rejection in a healthy way? (trying to slow down on substances and self-harm)

TL;DR : I got drunk and gave my number to a guy which never happens since I'm awkward and he hasn't texted so all the feelings of rejection and abandonment hit me right in the face. How do you guys cope with those feelings? ",2.609047952806496,4.5543677448747175,4.013667425968111,86.33548390865019,76.5626423690205,7.327165469306699,23.32930319490684,8.222332236545338,1.332265416739677,1716,53,350,31,39,566,202,439,0.17300000000000001,0.672,0.155,-0.7449,0,2,1,0,1,0,51.0,2,3,3,1,21,33,1,2,22,1,28,9,3,3,5,76,66,38,1,12,19,0,6,2,6,0,1,1,0,3,13,22,6,3,14,6,1,6,14,15,0,3,23,7,56,19,40,39,13,40,0,9,0,0,47,13,1,12,21,231,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.07772709366927139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412101714331932,0.08512182764865711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352016679434128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055693263307700684,0.0,0.0,0.07090555401188113,0.07446217365991296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650457986880097,0.14566204569125316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031662331703532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359419380787026,0.0,0.0,0.05136778187118269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970241614552125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054642501173271,0.08229993589206956,0.08883101403521415,0.05260819787976729,0.0,0.0,0.07610916782977488,0.0,0.07791316739547686,0.0,0.0,0.1610941128005019,0.11380422023770613,0.07647667115874714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36922522533810775,0.0,0.0,0.22922315398435664,0.09053407459519804,0.0,0.12740706282240827,0.0,0.0,0.23659862568502166,0.14086879614372635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843939072916475,0.0,0.08526717346371686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509464085213552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782611699964298,0.079830413086392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907280601175073,0.0,0.17565615822567607,0.0,0.12286227030502765,0.0,0.0,0.2242389169521554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482485056522422,0.05397302865397317,0.12115511407811838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621447278491138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061556993992686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706844078924464,0.06802082522739282,0.07576556836010141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309251699382572,0.0,0.08175977322974955,0.06588745847642752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401980390278536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849428941798293,0.10815449835652262,0.0866365322596078,0.07780665990990182,0.0,0.19161873784248565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395948892480356,0.12644522341729456,0.0638905762724404,0.0,0.0,0.07383652212316456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637723107978894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emelia_b,2019/03/08,"BPD dating a PBPD? Good evening my wonderfully empathetic borderline pals. Anyone know anything about whether it's good or bad that i'm pretty sure i'm falling in love AND i'm pretty sure he has borderline also... I mean I love it because he gets life the way I perceive it and feels SO deeply. Not to mention when I look at him it's electric etc WOW. Anyway, we went to high school together but never crossed paths until 'about a week ago' and already we're dating and have said ""I love you""...
I don't know for sure, because i'm caught up in this but how does this sound? I don't normally do this is important to know. I've had A LOT of boyfriends but i've only felt this way one other time and it wasn't even this good. 

AM I JUST ON A HIGH? IS BORDERLINE ON BORDERLINE ACTION OFF LIMITS? Please tell me how to think ly :)",0.432501400560227,2.783968429411768,2.2130252100840337,93.61480392156864,88.23529411764706,5.355742296918766,20.44817927170868,6.868970318607317,0.4121708683473386,643,21,140,9,21,211,105,170,0.019,0.7,0.28,0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,0,1,11,11,0,0,5,0,10,4,0,2,4,31,30,16,0,1,7,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,12,6,0,1,9,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,6,5,13,10,16,24,2,24,0,0,1,3,12,9,0,3,8,80,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320187700960407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092452241648767,0.10212483023748156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929359520258834,0.0,0.10508949812900596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066274928282361,0.1556943272471431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083869794218572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175461738619194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242369970084148,0.16869455466668892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457097162027475,0.0,0.12261585174425225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672006109472567,0.0,0.0,0.3213361298810647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698525420424575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054831034067845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020110088224677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723918387919804,0.0,0.0,0.10856936085337912,0.34577349562491505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910707678692075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849318551936244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512279065123755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653552487773146,0.09712463474661452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018062615439844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25984172522155496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147573314321275,0.0,0.0,0.12924325006765766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610784821275193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161891120227917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182755678348104,0.0,0.0,0.07446522030905127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027309574722582,0.10243643335122288,0.0,0.0,0.11838287300936785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848952366367515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bbeansproutt,2019/03/08,"Groupchat/community for pwBPD? Is there anything similar to maybe a groupchat like discord, slack, messenger, etc. for people with BPD?? I’m very new to this and I’ve never met anyone with BPD before and didn’t even really know what it was till about a month ago, so I feel like a close community like that might help me not feel like the worst person in the world all the time. It’s been even harder every day after realizing that I have BPD and it’s something I know I can’t go through alone, and to me, the best advice/cheering up comes from people who have been through the same situation as me so that I don’t feel like I’m burdening them when talking about my feelingd, but rather getting a mutual release of emotions. Thanks!",3.6389583333333313,5.538819423611116,4.249722222222221,85.96750000000002,73.5138888888889,7.300000000000002,25.88888888888889,8.07648339933343,1.5079972222222218,583,20,116,9,12,185,95,144,0.055,0.816,0.129,0.8512,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,9,9,0,0,9,0,10,0,0,0,2,21,22,10,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,5,3,10,7,18,16,5,15,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,14,75,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277587271541116,0.0,0.0,0.14344887995198824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684555917711787,0.0,0.11397739319215194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785711889694375,0.0,0.1453519162754731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233246663724552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930935334467475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932393728695462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579890805679544,0.0,0.0,0.1544691173684772,0.18296181758349453,0.0,0.11669600572677127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009609386835568,0.2968429040890641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236287899921938,0.0,0.0787152929997418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283663950266717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223689002164326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33833148624153564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914637558197732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693137526526298,0.0,0.0,0.11055296179955844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068232005343399,0.13376849866078935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204314681786636,0.1209367775256972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872952233549618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568484887286832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066275224357784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132466189169073,0.0,0.12751632490965664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076308142499683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142807088812109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,owiehfjskqkw,2019/03/08,"I’m so fucking done (I know I’m overreacting but i just need to let out my frustrations) So this weekend me and my FP were supposed to go and have fun and hang out but in the end we had to change it to another weekend because I had to go out of town last minute. Ok I can handle that 

But now she is going out with one of her friends and I know it’s not that big of a deal but it’s just making me feel so mad and worthless because we were supposed to do that and now she’s gonna do that and it just reminded me of how easily replaceable I probably am and now I’m spiraling I’m probably gonna break off contact with her 

Just needed to vent sorry ",0.3762337662337672,2.1492836713286763,2.9166483516483552,92.34442307692308,82.91608391608392,6.603196803196802,22.801698301698302,7.7094869923839395,0.9391922077922076,507,18,120,9,14,176,76,143,0.077,0.8240000000000001,0.099,0.4819,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,2,0,0,0,11,7,3,0,2,1,12,1,0,2,0,32,28,16,0,2,9,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,16,0,0,3,2,0,4,1,4,0,1,5,1,17,3,19,20,0,20,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,0,7,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798866808543252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25345316027303905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991791280156756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143233741025735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274157579466652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412704160857093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511440659672236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606137339523988,0.1921890832117496,0.0,0.0,0.35444258126215006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284995888612152,0.16945644622780684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125795394849621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387668377237046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30829259894615346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408702721797443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482767965408932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23271356819906885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,micktee,2019/03/08,"I think my (ex?) partner has BPD as well Heya.

So the last month has been a living hell trying to work through an extremely dramatic breakup. My partner distanced himself from me over the span of about a year, and I spent the entire year reeling and desperately trying to prevent him from growing apart from me. Inevitably things spiralled and he decided that I hated him due to my seemingly constant criticism, and he ended up dumping me out of the blue about a month ago.

I am in the midst of the biggest crisis of my entire life (and have been for months). He abandoned me at my absolute lowest and I completely broke mentally. I have called him every name in the book and I still don’t think I will ever comprehend how he could do this to me. 

After a month of hell, I am starting to see the light. I have realized over the past month that my partner has severe mental health issues as well, ranging from their libido being extremely low (read: non-existant) to chronic stonewalling. I thought the stonewalling was a response to my criticisms and overwhelming needs. But what am starting to realize is the stonewalling is actually a response to whatever his own internal dialogue is. My criticisms are relatively minor (I’d like to spend a bit more time together/I feel that you have been focusing a lot more on other things than working on the relationship), but he takes them as full blown character assassinations. I think HE is splitting. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize we’ve always struggled with similar issues, I’ve just been able to articulate them better. He is 28 and I am 22. He has no understanding of his own mental health despite watching what I’ve gone through and being a student nurse. He has no control over his emotions. I have now told him I need him to get help because he is causing me to suffer by prolonging this. I am almost a month behind on school and he is still managing his workload. He got upset at me for wanting to start seeing other people (I have been craving intimacy on any level for ages), but keeps flipping out for asking him to commit to a relationship (even though I am not). 

He fucked up and all I’ve wanted since was to move past it and get better. He claims he regrets what he did but he just can’t. He keeps repeating that he doesn’t trust me because of the things I’ve said and done and that there is no romantic connection... But he won’t let me go. We live together and have two pets. I feel like I am being held hostage and it is horrible!!!

He keeps accusing me of manipulating him and I am just starting to think that he suffers from BPD as well. He is so insecure, he splits constantly, struggles with relationships and always has, his moods are extremely unpredictable, his anger is explosive, he feels empty, and he engages in self-destructive behaviour. 

I am tired of being accused of being controlling. I’m not. I just see reality staring me right in the face, and he is living in a fantasy. 

I just want this all to end 😭",4.752841112376,6.357856020979023,5.6062985851357965,78.5611115628558,70.08391608391608,9.027223938851844,31.309318588388358,9.471427190081453,2.990774711335176,2372,103,435,53,43,776,263,572,0.16399999999999998,0.772,0.064,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,1,1,3,6,21,27,6,5,29,0,58,7,1,5,4,78,98,34,0,7,12,1,3,2,3,2,5,2,1,3,20,26,0,8,15,3,2,4,9,17,3,1,16,12,64,9,71,73,11,58,2,7,6,1,59,25,3,3,31,302,84,7,0.07252451498264484,0.0,0.07077346483600164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642886066532799,0.0,0.07262282561063461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069241256664598,0.0,0.0,0.049319157159787116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780063141889374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842054237041869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828407971990666,0.07917798667635068,0.0,0.18268417555927316,0.0,0.07405563852416451,0.0,0.0,0.07450265468426846,0.0,0.0,0.07604057412266321,0.15674647178054066,0.162684820875433,0.057904923840147615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421775880102502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158031782262866,0.1284703877162295,0.0,0.0,0.047901758151045866,0.0656025759086442,0.06110503182956075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001172167923742,0.05181152799468477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704774545699008,0.07578213147892791,0.0,0.041217353192740704,0.0,0.05800447987215015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160294374864852,0.0,0.15418033605467407,0.0,0.0,0.048611653641702494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513935023626871,0.0,0.19338936365025244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911715942892595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416123025597816,0.05122620973696046,0.07086362933153542,0.0,0.19212142632115414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061657749137045935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926295946360647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473302556094851,0.07708208188580687,0.0,0.10755201780967716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138465711741715,0.05027936700091632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254414114638674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335925626479268,0.0,0.061935539527961186,0.06898742169531552,0.0,0.0,0.0733986810615005,0.1733779459816786,0.06602359460991049,0.07565888613589429,0.08193205864792953,0.0,0.059993028241302475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533289994538426,0.0,0.11583634269775067,0.0,0.0,0.15163673964055982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452940947969534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454619548663392,0.2323539039465675,0.07125496774337342,0.057576363829284286,0.04228962791308023,0.08335626118540636,0.0,0.06930028203572754,0.0,0.0984787700780438,0.0,0.07084591291385403,0.07550057781132688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833051394646214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562474644050531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559742134034013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340681967839506
bpd,crue-lty,2019/03/08,"first post // kinda a rant it's been a month since I've been unwillingly weaning off my meds and maaan it's terrible but it's only 6 days more. I had to cut the dose down to half to preserve my meds until the psych appt so here we are. 

yesterday was the worst day ive ever had it seems, even worse than some traumatic bpd experiences ive had. i was like. in a full breakdown for three hours and thought id off myself, then my girlfriend finally texted me even though i hinted at her im feeling bad (earlier). not her fault. she was just tired herself. 

i lashed out at her and got angry because she ""ignored"" me for those couple hours, then i suddenly broke into sobbing and crying and i apologized to her and. i just feel so bad about this but at least she seems to understand. shes mentally ill herself too, not bpd but still.

nonetheless, today im feelign far better and lowkey manic if i may call it this way but also that sucks because i went out of my way to order a fuckton of things on aliexpress and buy a pizza and call off my classes (i teach kids english, individually)... rip?

im getting a bit tired, i hope ill be able to fall asleep

anyways. im hoping to get a prescription next wednesday. im on sertraline, lamotrigine and valproate and honestly? lamotrigine is the real shit. id be dead if not for it. fr

see, if i wasnt on the high i wouldnt have spammed ilke that but here we are, sorry for typos and all, sorry

also since its my first post then uhh my name is Dan, nice to meet yall",1.2896753246753256,3.48008093831169,3.2202435064935067,89.11822240259745,82.14935064935065,6.1876623376623385,22.61201298701299,7.413659706084162,0.9165727272727278,1171,40,248,18,32,393,175,308,0.225,0.6890000000000001,0.085,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,2,1,0,3,16,17,3,0,12,0,21,8,2,0,2,47,35,29,1,6,13,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,13,17,1,1,6,0,1,2,5,11,0,4,12,3,38,6,32,19,7,43,0,2,1,0,20,17,3,10,20,164,51,3,0.09386071010310183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012075191701998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673954474321972,0.11443323539047325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301217057649223,0.10247158572180208,0.0,0.2364285572498672,0.0,0.1916845585435508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385509046984387,0.10310158268885283,0.12106478622738122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398822760331812,0.0849023859153209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181378493903032,0.0,0.0,0.09491759045383016,0.0,0.0,0.1028198200426836,0.0,0.15967574412986488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807669414184897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750689842084973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916899353450513,0.0,0.18644972704853,0.1848677853025955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069283674503491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585560186877893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851617908420905,0.0,0.09458951950930702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491872332088788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982193002118878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138529955899223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978522956417764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068340368218674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479483376506925,0.1708945306322552,0.0,0.0,0.09634667010618672,0.15528509865420242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013876094180836,0.0,0.0,0.0749572843331591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235688513658162,0.0,0.09221767111944283,0.07451491947880506,0.0,0.21575815759055056,0.08896897833297393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771230939305757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900452564680472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700981861579075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565208233985996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brodescartet,2019/03/08,"Healthy ways to manage symptoms (aside from therapy)? Recently diagnosed, looking for healthy ways to manage my symptoms that don't include therapy. Anyone have any tips/tricks that work well for them?

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​",16.2828,21.109618280000007,8.637,55.40350000000001,46.2,8.200000000000001,66.5,8.841846274778883,8.328,334,27,22,4,4,82,26,50,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,5,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5295752360192217,0.5939013611359812,0.01955153284654622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02010323087195017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029181461187894542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02414343455599315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02838795074581838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976618835535481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575810080096837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564210046319405,0.0,0.0,0.025850425918925852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020930927967374374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5939013611359812,0.0
bpd,lejdika,2019/03/08,"How to stop a slow descent into feeling empty :/ I am looking for concrete advice on how to stop a mood swing. Let me tell you what happened today. I had short 4h to spend with my boyfriend (who is my fp). As the time to say bye for the day came, I could notice myself SLOWLY sinking into that sad, empty feeling. Ofcourse i couldnt hide it, i could barely move and i looked miserable as hell. I knew RATIONALLY it was happening and one would think being aware of it could help me stop it since i know i have no good reason to act like this .. but it didnt work. Ofcourse I feel insanely guilty now, because he looked so sad and one could argue I am manipulating him/making him feel bad cuz he has other stuff to do, hobbies.... But i truly felt empty and I dont want him to feel bad about his hobbies, other friends. I know by acting like this, I am achieving exactly what i fear most - that he will start disliking spending time with me etc. I wish I could forever stay a cool, chill girl I seem to be when I start dating someone. I have shown my true colours and now I can't stop thinking about how foolish i act, the pushing away I do even though thats the last thing i want. After acting like that in front of peopel, I go home and cry and have the good old episode we all know about. Thanks for reading ... I hope we can all give each other advice on how to stop a random emotional rollercoaster before it gains full speed. What could I do in moments like these?",3.3894011056511033,4.585920415540542,4.207948402948404,88.85769041769043,72.88513513513513,6.733169533169535,24.94103194103194,6.980632752743323,0.8667621621621628,1137,34,240,10,22,365,168,296,0.196,0.644,0.16,-0.8503,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,0,3,14,20,2,2,9,1,29,0,0,7,4,60,57,19,0,12,2,0,6,4,1,2,0,1,1,1,22,15,0,5,14,1,2,9,5,8,0,2,6,12,41,11,30,39,6,40,1,3,4,0,18,9,1,4,26,160,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219915004891005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758909462565677,0.0,0.15567998526371052,0.05682983330228869,0.0,0.07932863964412265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662595033427097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466012645022949,0.0,0.10240461588657364,0.06012319407559168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926042569287372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486694015482016,0.0,0.0,0.10397186917987164,0.06157503353024489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049054064894802,0.23568986861814914,0.0,0.08951178296667017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202633983131218,0.0,0.0,0.08943107703957008,0.0529826044561486,0.15638744641955546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487926208267126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062487564517151824,0.0,0.0935134914442642,0.0925946633534344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370406347234286,0.07599180519785309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533011763904044,0.0,0.18218247181680405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23485961438997016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908470920280847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061386598157448,0.09782522674662768,0.0,0.1263449873988334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325143994561404,0.0,0.0,0.0958520723374242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413722529743275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486964171697678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711768561585612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899026656561194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197198481871802,0.09936673743278768,0.0,0.3897064364917468,0.0,0.0,0.10672170811631992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148381805766637,0.08583017031280349,0.0,0.0,0.06193535253057991,0.11947118417891152,0.09159427957027796,0.0,0.10872190738880601,0.0,0.08836754795030062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997447002940457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720554249623857,0.0,0.0,0.06786979236999961,0.0,0.0,0.06622522593618185,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nirvanaoohnana,2019/03/08,"DAE do not want to exist but do not want to die either? I have to get a job incase I decided to stay alive longer so that I can support myself. But everyday I wake feeling ""eh"". Not down, not numb but just complete apathy.",-0.19014492753623105,2.0698696956521734,2.5347826086956537,90.54463768115944,91.17391304347824,5.67536231884058,18.536231884057973,7.1686216300943375,0.5194753623188411,170,5,36,3,6,59,33,46,0.138,0.614,0.248,0.8369,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,13,9,4,1,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,5,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827185092512396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37883509468957466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845660364308561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070887300713169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622279043122332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890647694905408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142225176842861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305987389469861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cher415,2019/03/08,"How to deal with family hating you Hi everyone

This is my first time posting here. Fairly recent BPD diagnosis. 
Pretty much just wondering if anyone else is dealing with being disliked/hated by extended family? I have to live with them at the moment, but I try to limit my time around them because being around them makes me uncomfortable.",4.809726775956282,7.7001057377049245,5.97827868852459,70.30927595628418,73.59016393442623,8.656830601092896,24.92076502732241,9.2995712137729,2.8147027322404368,274,9,40,7,6,91,48,61,0.08900000000000001,0.878,0.034,-0.5346,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,3,2,5,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,0,10,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,5,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385431774212176,0.20301650053565315,0.0,0.3527708798582643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078350498901633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954874103395885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085445736370987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551944900502008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933000718174398,0.0,0.0,0.3735750418178133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853666657178193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562093336325206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496009134276605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225911263805226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565473361793108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976209226208865,0.2015782775748381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563805051308028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310725244197112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345231628098785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487295482263544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,medicblah,2019/03/08,"How to stop being coy/manipulative It’s occurred to me that I can be quite psychopathic at times. My behaviour can be described as being coy and hiding my true confident sense not because I’m shy necessarily but because it’s a form of manipulation. 

Anyone have any tips on how to be less like this?",5.3908620689655145,6.590488603448279,7.358103448275868,68.13474137931037,68.13793103448276,9.937931034482759,31.74137931034483,10.125756701596842,3.3066413793103457,241,10,44,6,4,85,45,58,0.10099999999999999,0.76,0.138,0.2916,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,3,1,8,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,7,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088920147412275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176082169916249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537888530581003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219138616377361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831295775408811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797566664434197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648651988598702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beta_emission,2019/03/08,"Hurting people without meaning to Last night I had a big mental breakdown. I felt angry and sad and eventually it overrode my coping skills, and all I could do was cry. I broke down while on my way back from work, and when I got home I parked my car in the lot and sat and cried. I tried to pull myself together but it was pretty bad and I couldn’t. I stayed in my car because I didn’t want anyone to see me until I had gathered myself a bit. 

My boyfriend and I had plans yesterday evening, so after about 45 minutes of me sitting there, he texted me to see where I was. I knew I had to go inside so he wouldn’t worry, even though I was still crying. When I walked in I tried to hide my face from him, still trying to pull myself together, but he could tell something was up. After a couple minutes he came over to me and hugged me, and I could feel his heart racing like he was scared. 

It just sucks. I was in so much pain and trying to do everything right, trying to cope without dragging anyone else into my shit, but I ended up upsetting him anyway. I don’t know what I could have done differently besides not getting upset in the first place. Obviously he was really sweet but I just don’t know why I’m with him if I upset him so much. Sometimes I wonder if I should be inpatient because I’m just barely holding it together, but I don’t want him to worry about me. 

Idk. I hate that my emotions are this out of control. I didn’t say or do anything hurtful, but my sadness was enough to hurt him. It makes me even more sad to think about it. ",2.95804166666667,4.103089387500007,4.2493750000000015,88.34479166666668,73.875,6.708333333333335,24.270833333333336,6.996647511020387,0.8118645833333331,1204,35,257,11,24,397,163,320,0.21899999999999997,0.7120000000000001,0.069,-0.9949,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,5,22,19,3,4,5,0,32,5,3,2,2,53,54,29,0,11,15,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,9,15,0,2,8,0,0,7,10,16,0,1,21,6,56,3,38,25,7,40,0,7,2,1,16,16,2,5,15,188,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133360814559267,0.0977112203731664,0.07847607121379828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332867889792002,0.07962457590448646,0.1162654625834475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411229110976064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907048920126304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695832352593354,0.3045601203363069,0.10551794759555867,0.31425712548025153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963460638728887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759001503020352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966400423168718,0.10727115142109564,0.08446379458705612,0.0985360332371138,0.0,0.18896016425663786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570660427294803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821867320173452,0.0,0.09156395724347427,0.0,0.0,0.081116181812336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049823515756361625,0.0,0.05419729971055416,0.0,0.07627093776461613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941517565273194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300625880094076,0.0,0.0,0.09565741010296763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062659386323469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481861962367,0.07773401636499082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046589810601123945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810746748786185,0.0,0.0,0.06365590613195811,0.0,0.0,0.10387885620000496,0.0,0.0,0.0961040226099486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402063550242027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949222594303838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147353444881048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611307402158814,0.0,0.09963460638728887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970190080638262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061092328211329525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143994552088278,0.0,0.07583691780345367,0.09547554385161362,0.0,0.15198479562121678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788930750797577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341551521461878,0.0943169834583258,0.0,0.0,0.1016448493837634,0.1523148988535769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335194077683948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110510838588892,0.09369419779564186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237279327525152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249577807421852,0.0756951424218631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605076561216236,0.0,0.0,0.18385410672548932,0.10341769553465824,0.06942579580840291,0.19369261598295853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Allhopeismostlygone,2019/03/08,"What do you do? When you reach the point that all your self destruction catches up with you in a way that completely fucks up your life? When the thoughts are racing so hard, and you can't make them stop and the only thing you know is there's always that ""solution"" sitting there, telling you it can fix everything? I'm sitting here at 2am, my partner is asleep, my kids are asleep and I feel like I can't breathe. I can't make it stop. It's all fucked up and it's all my fault and I'm pretty sure in this moment they're all better off without me. ",1.8294827586206883,3.4445678103448287,2.666758620689656,96.60410344827585,77.79310344827586,6.019310344827588,21.944827586206884,6.742157984588678,0.22633034482758604,430,12,101,4,10,135,71,116,0.136,0.735,0.129,-0.5891,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,8,1,1,6,7,3,0,4,0,10,6,3,2,5,19,19,8,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,2,16,3,9,18,4,17,0,0,0,2,13,8,2,0,6,64,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779466640127729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891396778525792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422563617695584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922014310239537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813283375380382,0.15277991993021872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954158303716305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915744134162316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753055006977865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510539550723981,0.1044800263017465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28550323176321496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264834985318588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216456715273806,0.0,0.0,0.21757007344505885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231001287404088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575890771802517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201558267336088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692097804870056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207749399535946,0.0,0.0,0.16977905489708026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975021724943254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615110534383488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ClicheChe,2019/03/08,Any one of you guys from Poland? I'm looking for a BPD person to talk about his/her experience in Polish I'm having some difficulties with expressing myself in English when it comes to describing my experience. I'd love to talk to someone who's been dealing with bpd in our country.,5.055727272727271,6.528955254545457,6.2925,74.43875,69.18181818181819,9.136363636363637,31.931818181818183,9.516144504307137,3.1036363636363635,229,10,41,5,4,77,43,55,0.040999999999999995,0.88,0.079,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,13,6,1,5,0,0,1,1,10,3,0,1,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414140945172514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5709585874308625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525364720096045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336838403791419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44344786065812014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443607822650086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903432871823998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045759189785672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153595501825493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979169799404288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205430911439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643728785449255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pizzateufel,2019/03/08,"Dated a lovely girl with BPD and depression then she suddenly ended it. need help understanding Hi!

​

Please excuse my english, it is not my first language but i try to be as detailed and understandable as possible.

So I got to know this lovely girl who has a BPD combined with light depression. When we first met for a date she was single for only one month. she left a relationship with her ex who cheated on here multiple times and fucked her really up. they were in couple therapy and she said she had this mindset believing she was resposible for him cheating. I also know they were on/off a couple of times, but only for days inbetween. they were together for 6 years. eventually she made it out of that relationship (dont know exactly how) and her leaving resultet in starting a therapy. 

​

I am single for more than 2 years but dated a lot, so i think i kind of have a feeling of tellign when a woman has a good time. We dated 5 weeks. First 4 weeks were brilliant. She started calling me honey, she told me she missed me. she invited me for dinner in a restaurant. I kind of felt embarrassed for here offer and told her she didnt need to pay for me. She then paid anyways and after leaving the restaurant she offered to start a kind of coinbox together where we each would put in some money each month, so we could then go to dinner with that money. To me that felt like a clear sign for her being serious about dating me and thinking about a relationship. Moreover we booked vacation together and when I was a bit jealous towards a friend of her, she explained i didnt have to be because noone could reach me in her eyes. 

​

The fifth week felt different. She was kind of sad, calm and inwardly (dont know fi that word makes sense in this context). Until then i only knew she was doing a therapy because of depression, not knowing she has Borderline. She suddenly stoped calling me honey, tellign me she misses me and all that lovebird stuff. After a couple of days that she didnt change her behaviour, I asked her, whats up and if sth went wrong. She explained she has Borderline and that she felt everything was moving too fast with us (even though she was the one accellaratign the whole dating process). One weekend i was drunk and send here a voice message telling here, that i had a crush on her. in my slightly drunk mind thinking that would make her happy. The next morning she didnt return what I said and that that put her under a lot of preassure. We kept chating and decided to talk in person. So we did two days later and she slept here. everything was fine. she offered me to come to her place the next night and i agreed. next morning i am off to work, she aswell. later around noon she sends me a kiss emoji. i answer with one and asked here a random thing. She didnt answer for a couple of houres, which was highly unusual and then asked to shortly meet me at my place in the evening (agaisnt what we agreed up on). She came here and i already knew what the conversation was about to be about. She explained she is emotionally dead (didnt feel like that at all the first 4 weeks) and that she couldnt buildt up feelings for me. She said it is not about another man but noone could do that right now and she had to make progress in here therapy. I understood there was nothing to do (atleast i think so) in that moment and we kept talking for a bit until she left. we parted hugging i wished her all the best and told her we could maybe grab a drink some time in the future.

​

thats the story in kind of short. i hope most parts were understandable lol (sorry)

Now my questions:

(I know chances are probably low to successfully date a person thats freshly out of a long term releationship)

​

I have a hard time making out if the chemistry between us was wrong or if it was the BPD. How would you 

evaluate this situation? Is there maybe anyone who was in a similar situation?

​

I read (but dont know) that ppl with BPD would tend to easily and suddenly break up with someone and then get back together. We were not a couple, but i try to understand if there might be chances she might get back to me. 

does a person affected by BPD eventually understand what went wrong and might get back to the other person on their own? or does it always need the other person to be very nice and lovely and make the BPD affected person feel very comfortable and stuff? 

​

I will be REALLY glad for any help!",3.827407727797002,5.7565988039215705,4.485719434832756,84.34973255478661,73.07151095732411,7.723241061130335,26.805219146482123,8.472884824447931,1.8945489042675887,3541,128,680,63,72,1130,327,867,0.087,0.7879999999999999,0.125,0.9878,1,1,1,0,0,0,113.0,14,1,4,8,39,39,4,1,49,1,71,13,2,10,5,152,145,65,1,18,16,1,10,2,3,8,0,4,0,10,42,59,5,2,34,6,4,10,14,16,0,9,54,18,122,23,103,71,21,122,0,7,1,6,128,42,1,17,71,500,164,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040425710205841264,0.029295602505573205,0.030481804575710682,0.2778448316982352,0.31159392000760044,0.02491187106817101,0.03841316423161816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0256148251631414,0.0,0.0,0.03261136556275174,0.10274145091992214,0.0,0.0,0.08450614053109072,0.0,0.04466258707895425,0.0,0.0,0.04127313607503079,0.03844434328387355,0.0,0.07998805774916548,0.0,0.2768298298154072,0.0,0.07481330278244468,0.04189868696560863,0.0,0.0,0.038753128665433734,0.03155630730224932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699469982785453,0.20267001128975468,0.0,0.07087626079903979,0.0,0.09465651210554696,0.0,0.0,0.038273956727740664,0.0,0.0,0.06411602039376935,0.0,0.12880171363959614,0.03588664557783365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120748358925344,0.03244619250584193,0.0,0.0,0.04839184169880957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584721879611706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409150207985173,0.026170806225799075,0.14069468689363046,0.0,0.0,0.12464091926200348,0.0,0.0,0.028302763599385564,0.03386685593236311,0.05741809463281543,0.0,0.02081952425063006,0.030726238042156087,0.029298962252532583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038996783426094216,0.032816202899093525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049109000140013966,0.038705047481649886,0.0,0.03638509014333735,0.036076379082514216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073950020781866,0.1409287606005322,0.0,0.0,0.07757865978873929,0.07960428215630573,0.0,0.0,0.03579431804988882,0.0,0.0,0.03241927979410633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228857041815476,0.09918883450023416,0.03466327366800584,0.12226491803908562,0.0,0.07360606129804427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658629018341846,0.03698914675118349,0.0,0.058480632706847335,0.03893535486391328,0.0,0.08148928798952355,0.0,0.0,0.11687965371461785,0.0343778302279721,0.0,0.035150598237373605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992945724769972,0.0835837284552426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934049521164921,0.0,0.0,0.1919204827832552,0.07654791345548131,0.04021231558722724,0.0,0.04129849318570364,0.0,0.0,0.03949684714803702,0.0,0.0,0.07365308321338128,0.04103763191987992,0.0,0.03664317062708268,0.0,0.046936405153614656,0.0,0.0,0.1179912256877248,0.0,0.0312846014431938,0.10453984943606416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823546318140489,0.0,0.0,0.031039239901609682,0.0,0.0,0.041007932167617486,0.07778762387788468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838726300076604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888884890398234,0.03201908142302808,0.0,0.16757328867244262,0.0,0.02433750826743453,0.09389244797593883,0.03599198915015004,0.0,0.10680573419760038,0.0,0.0,0.10501394126436348,0.0,0.04974315386590993,0.0,0.035785369212591414,0.1906825631584157,0.08813059562876129,0.0,0.0,0.06045254738337489,0.0,0.0,0.11753995679866197,0.0,0.0,0.06791879277714265,0.0,0.04089972335607835,0.042126437813182496,0.0,0.0,0.026669447503320204,0.0,0.0,0.1040928592721747,0.12015814771701228,0.31159392000760044,0.04718123306886862
bpd,Ajandre1,2019/03/08,"Does therapist actually help My whole life I never really talked about my feelings or anything and I’m 21. My family rarely talks to me and if they do it’s just small talk. A few days ago my anger overcame me (like it usually does) but this time I really really fucked up. I completely just ruined my life in a matter of 2 minutes because I overreacted from anger. I keep thinking about my actions and I never want to be like that again. So my question is does therapist actually help with anything, I never even thought about trying one until Today. ",3.3320754716981162,5.7039312641509445,5.019471698113208,77.9552452830189,75.98113207547169,8.390943396226419,26.63773584905661,9.120678840339163,2.5792067924528297,438,17,78,11,10,148,71,106,0.20199999999999999,0.7140000000000001,0.083,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,3,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,19,10,8,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,1,17,2,11,8,2,14,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,3,12,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.2717763994422692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343698363416042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291822539227277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488568666890002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600128377541172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898049196570247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655766116714891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197350580060354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312727841022325,0.0,0.07040913258406023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873465283384858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866730734222304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377205935653933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671320136220924,0.13606131956209816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221952334235165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435960295251802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559921980617224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676219118828237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33577233451694755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233606477980072,0.0,0.08922596563172665,0.0,0.11054917892433808,0.08119796617703327,0.0,0.1319929964796523,0.0,0.0,0.0945418089086518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336452556491706,0.0,0.08213343117547396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554679801916235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KimAndNumbers,2019/03/08,"DAE.wake up from fake traumatic nightmares? While i have PTSD and have very real traumatic nightmares.

I wonder if the BPD brain part of me is what's causing me to jump out of my skin the past several years when i wake up with these perceived threats...

Does anyone else ever wake up from nightmares that are about traumas that are imagined that involve people currently in your life? 

When i wake up i immediately freak out and have to remember to calm down and remind myself its not real, it didn't happen, and try not to put that person on the ""bad guy list"" for the rest of the day for something that didn't happen.",9.943277310924373,7.266005176470588,8.863428571428575,73.90657142857144,60.26050420168067,11.536806722689073,38.08571428571429,9.3871,3.3773011764705885,492,17,93,6,5,153,78,119,0.161,0.82,0.018000000000000002,-0.9593,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,5,0,8,6,5,1,1,18,11,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,1,10,1,22,9,2,19,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,8,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723766871288436,0.18644978929470205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519373654670732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291848695144296,0.20313872296412167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869333360705083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735560863314562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924319041985738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520126014867518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646023007017905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017892868245708,0.3218309747211379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853080633111405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705579836989112,0.17371097403809435,0.12615509942331396,0.15888920219745276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127132150397839,0.18293013014728296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142434412073663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613655926317506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055743264329077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400894113332226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354569847761684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501443236060814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733872392689908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718272649622595
bpd,gothicusmaximus,2019/03/08,"Dismissive Doctors (Trigger Warning?) **Note: I hope this post doesn't break any rules, and if it has, I apologise. I can amend the post as needed, or I guess you can just deleted it. Also worth noting: I live in the UK, so healthcare is ""free"" (socialised) here. I think that's probably important to mention.**

I wish I didn't feel that doctors as fundamentally bad and untrustworthy because I really need help, for multiple issues, but I can't bring myself to try asking for help again because last time (and times before that) I wasn't listened to, or taken seriously. I *can't* put myself through that again, or even put myself in the position of it possibly happening again. It is so humiliating to ask for help and to not be taken seriously, and to actually be assertive, and still not be listened to, respected, and taken seriously. It's so fucking painful to be dismissed like that, and I cannot go through it again. I will not. 

*Rationally* I know that not at ALL doctors are arrogant or dismissive, but that's been my experience with them more than once now, and considering how sensitive I am, even once is too much for me to handle. So even though I rationally know this, I can't bring myself to try again. Are my emotions controlling me, or maybe I'm just being stubborn? I don't know. 

So what'll happen? I guess I will suffer, alone, until the day I die – whether at my own hand, probably within the next 10 years, or alone, of old age, having lived a pathetic, unfulfilled life. If I get worse, and I probably will, and things eventually reach a crisis point with my mental health, I will **not** allow them to ""help"" me. Honestly, I hate the power imbalance: they can force you to get help, but you can't force them to help you. You can ask for help, but they can just dismiss you. They can ask, but if you say ""no"", they're able to force you to do as they wish, if *they* deem it necessary... but if *you say* that you have a problem? You're not to be taken seriously, of course. You're not a doctor. Your opinion doesn't matter.

I suppose I'm just bitter. I've fantasised many times about hurting myself or allowing myself to get ill just to scare them. To 'get back' at them. To spite them. To be able to say ""no"" to *them*, when they try to ""help"" me, because why should I let them just because THEY want to and because it's convenient for *them*, but when *I* ask for help? I'm basically told to get fucked. When I ask for help and need help, I am not helped. I am not even taken seriously. I am made to feel like such a burden. **Important to note: I most likely won't hurt myself to 'get back' at them, but I do fantasise about it a lot. Though I suppose by avoiding doctors, I am allowing myself to get more ill.** 

Part me doesn't want to get worse, obviously, which is why I wish I could ask for help, but I can't. I can't because I hate doctors, because they're rude, and dismissive, and arrogant, and they don't care. I feel like they're deliberately dismissing me to tempt me to hurt myself? (As strange as it sounds.) It's almost like they're challenging me to prove that I ""really"" have a problem. I certainly feel like I have something to prove. I hate that they basically allow you to get worse before they're even willing to help you. In America, doctors only care about one thing: making money. In the UK? They only care about saving money. They don't care about patients (or even patient preferences, in my experience). 

So, they want to save money? I'll save them money! **I'll never see a doctor ever again, for any reason, whatsoever.** That's pretty much what I've been doing for almost 2 years now. (One exception was to get vaccinations, but I didn't need to interact with any doctors to do that, and I think being vaccinated is important).It was my 20th birthday yesterday. I wonder how mich more of my life will be lost to mental health problems. Sorry if this is incoherent and too rant-y, and again, I hope it brakes no rules. ",1.952589093896119,4.3702671800518145,3.702950840389232,85.28277328446859,81.21502590673576,6.978288891697207,23.145204094527987,8.096554002634818,1.4459532541387592,3061,106,611,62,82,1022,267,772,0.18600000000000005,0.6709999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9931,2,3,1,0,0,5,173.0,0,13,23,4,48,47,9,2,15,0,67,19,1,11,7,123,137,64,1,24,41,0,5,6,0,8,16,6,0,0,31,22,0,4,14,0,6,5,30,27,0,2,15,13,111,21,86,103,10,48,0,5,1,2,65,11,2,24,35,422,142,10,0.08802806530705405,0.0,0.04295134676930208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814739177732596,0.09117052778264904,0.0,0.03519800601119355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979315452966873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288030253513662,0.0,0.0,0.06768814857292972,0.03674987879832292,0.1878138204747617,0.0,0.07490540000293569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950095868710778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936548021009168,0.035141623619408424,0.0,0.0,0.02838540987145233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567961697477653,0.0,0.0,0.4054520470962476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049509862608382034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174425120768558,0.0398132123860396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610833913170747,0.0,0.0,0.0890192695333321,0.0943309011662978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138052791102471,0.22995515449262866,0.0,0.025014189060779943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697283830755547,0.0,0.07784292743387777,0.0,0.0,0.1303642349760976,0.0,0.09356971704348677,0.0,0.0,0.41302349636337227,0.0,0.0,0.08743173118486773,0.0,0.0,0.141353796826429,0.0,0.0,0.04593921488559899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725668838399491,0.035877311087308426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500733043017893,0.06217682582554453,0.1290181987190957,0.0,0.07773039441504713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804651595292038,0.037419156605326256,0.0,0.041647141911555115,0.029379708570794038,0.04462332083508475,0.04421801168854559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871158540758763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471075663969421,0.1305433900512303,0.033946335361444334,0.0,0.04680942305533972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618532331265638,0.09374701662675272,0.05965009523629625,0.06694931036255733,0.04683403396338983,0.0,0.0,0.04766290822759886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041607487450188864,0.04961920858692339,0.08430655335941319,0.04477809453900315,0.1423637144593963,0.1263464550734288,0.0,0.08849251914837203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056393032723134964,0.045253756094612616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500517607999968,0.04406572499625793,0.0,0.03507348550884329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033884152667765136,0.0,0.04927010607369572,0.0,0.0,0.03514966333235045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058481935104879125,0.0564048298312701,0.08648712722128099,0.0,0.07699480917523849,0.0,0.0,0.04205729438037683,0.0,0.08964791704428708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788185046994306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794316370499294,0.0,0.1518418961784268,0.0,0.04773134089981894,0.0,0.0,0.1345621784938527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668718794425314
bpd,MountainFact9,2019/03/08,"I believe I have BPD; how do I cope with the lack of control? I am fully aware of the fabricated reality my brain can project and understand my duty to nutrition/exercise/cognitive training to mitigate the symptoms. But for the rest of my eternity in the flesh, I am confined to my neurochemistry and resistance is ultimately futile. These demons will never cease to impress.

In many ways it is blessing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The level of emotional stratification I can feel during simply a beautiful piece (such as Bach’s C Major Prelude performed by Rostropovich) is far too complex for my mind to fathom in objective language. But for the most part, it is simply the guilt that haunts me. Thinking about all the loved ones I hurt and obsessing over  those specific moments that are irretrievable. While also bathing in the glory of it all; how absurd consciousness is in this existence. The fact that I a hunk of flesh n bone is able to render such poetic harmony with the world. What a fucking trip.

Then again, I don’t feel empathy in the slightest when I’m manic, which is only induced by heavy drugs. I’ll fuck a squirrel if I have to (just seeing if you are still reading). I become incredibly violent and indifferent; the worst combo. I’m 22 and already have 3 felony arrests.. Fortunately, I’ve been sober from everything but weed/stogs for 6 months or so now.


Anyhow, I’m done writing this. I feel like I’m going to have a lot of people come at me for being real about my handicap. Please don’t. Throw me wisdom on how the fuck I find peace in this perplexingly disturbing state of being. I just don’t understand how I can continue functioning or won’t snap at work if I don’t unravel this tangled up yarn.

Mahalo.",5.554458498023716,6.8680619030303065,6.561409749670624,73.5755928853755,67.84848484848484,10.102766798418973,32.5296442687747,10.276239652853533,3.5752292490118585,1388,60,244,36,23,463,198,330,0.10099999999999999,0.813,0.086,-0.1733,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,0,3,17,15,4,3,20,0,30,10,4,6,4,48,47,24,0,5,10,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,15,9,0,3,10,2,1,4,7,9,0,1,2,4,27,6,42,40,10,32,2,1,1,4,3,15,3,8,12,176,42,5,0.1448895965170379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988927266460706,0.11586815798750577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923179253981625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001917595560086,0.0,0.16324095913274753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824833747124324,0.16174470757954162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480955799778196,0.0,0.0,0.16250600270631732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827236183037756,0.0,0.0,0.1680259325572935,0.0,0.0,0.16298129447512952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302174268143981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197816003328492,0.10350915670208216,0.0,0.0,0.1324264663202131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018442917804432,0.0,0.0,0.08234409668269466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551073097494014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078573820201413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317995365778228,0.13076851772415668,0.0,0.0,0.14689530954686691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629718910112266,0.0,0.11564949361251757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174778899423543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818094037217552,0.11019506712647872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690131363984458,0.0,0.10044820292335813,0.0,0.0,0.15904526744646727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492880569956632,0.16491608120590165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545824950478052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157090189400282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059576801687116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283940306262772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016703595606021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500661765963295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054813518911696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,butteredcheeksh,2019/03/08,"I FINALLY FOUND YOU AND THERE’S 50K OF YOU GUYS HERE?! Hi guys! I hope I don’t sound toooo excited lol bc I really am. It’s my second post on Reddit and I just posted some down “i wanna die” stuff on depression forum and now I’m so excited!? That there’s effin 50K of you guys here!? 

There’s been so much prejudice against people with BPD and it’s soooo much to live against. And I’m just happy to find a community!

Anyways, I’m STRUGGLING with living at the moment and 50k of you guys just made me instantaneously pumped!! Lmao bpd perks? Moodswings af lol. So I’m thinking of making a chatgroup to try motivate each other doing pure basic stuff like self-care, sleeping adequately and eating our meals and waking up and going out or gymming and doing our homework or anything!!! 

TDLR; Let’s motivate each other by a mobile chat group anyone??? Telegram?",0.8750936883629166,3.4472720591715977,2.8663091715976314,87.05457223865879,91.72189349112426,5.420216962524656,20.05941814595661,6.996647511020387,0.7735500986193293,674,22,128,11,24,225,106,169,0.10099999999999999,0.74,0.159,0.8525,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,2,4,0,2,13,8,1,1,4,2,6,4,2,4,1,31,16,15,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,7,15,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,1,14,5,19,12,5,12,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,4,4,81,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559075416275342,0.0,0.11250061505470388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34436271492858805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774805307676688,0.0,0.1418833124082553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988837700180626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497590341464018,0.1249503894321638,0.0,0.0,0.1498953700710832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769539755794252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5414572540104691,0.0,0.1455302510901363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578379649009606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979515475387572,0.0,0.06678956103229369,0.0,0.24143472657611936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935823104670469,0.09125493263035092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099504130155266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947774445833632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618606249470502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757987489172314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261826104240774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680864946032528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291889044489275,0.3130002998256882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759819611341788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281706125635454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SailorVeganx,2019/03/08,"Would you say you're a perfectionist when it comes to your self image? By no means am I a perfectionist in general my messy room is evident of that. 
But when it comes to my appearance I obsess with it quite a bit. Always retaking selfies to try and get the perfect one, and if there is even only one flaw I will keep on retaking it untill I think it's perfect. 
There are some other things too, I have an eating disorder, I'm very mindful of the stuff I post on social media as I don't want to come off as well I don't know?

I only have like 3 of my real friends on FB everyone else is old friends I'm out of touch with or people who I never even spoke with at school. Why tf do I care so much? ",2.3441818181818164,3.196925733333334,4.438848484848486,87.52609090909094,75.0,7.854545454545455,23.63636363636364,8.296473431620573,1.1597999999999993,540,15,124,9,11,187,99,150,0.07,0.754,0.177,0.9540000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,3,9,8,0,1,6,0,12,1,0,0,3,26,26,11,0,3,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,2,1,1,10,9,1,1,3,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,1,3,16,7,22,23,3,18,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,4,6,86,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949066828890826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698998336424728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866785553400473,0.0,0.0,0.4021658866504115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835725541182673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924101503435825,0.13000291245140014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557483418495434,0.0,0.0,0.14870429122395593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404676379185121,0.0,0.08130651000240413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832472926558775,0.0,0.0,0.08552624213177837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602945806101061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951889348727034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713470376566693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144006924653888,0.0,0.1200259268682196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329999039030624,0.0,0.2109081257897938,0.2367163625732867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788928144918374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904366112404482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655240447018203,0.0,0.17713286034888812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375752739108352,0.0,0.15749862083384586,0.0,0.0,0.16234856059939026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863788576934498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815091760503265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338889884978043,0.0997168311138482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565769196662607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840513987609925,0.09179038217562767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992362133198855,0.0,0.14042540613096896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054999940848248,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,geoveiki,2019/03/08,"im falling apart...help I’m f23 and my partner m33, our daughter is almost five. 

my partner of six years has finally told me that he cannot be with me anymore, he has stuck with me through so much (addiction, suicide attempts, being raped, many breakdowns) and I finally felt like I was just getting back up on my feet again- perhaps this is why he felt like it was the right time? He says he loves me but he cannot deal with me anymore, which is so confusing because I know I have been doing well, I have been painting and getting help and I am just about to start with a good new psychologist. I keep the house in order and take care of our child and genuinely feel like I have been a good partner mother and human for the last month for the first time in SO long. I am so attached to him and I honestly am not sure if I can survive this. Since the night he told me I have been cutting again (something I haven’t done since my father killed himself when I was 12) and I have had a relapse in my bulimia, I have not kept any food down for almost three days and I even wrote a suicide note for the first time in my sober life. I feel like they would be better off without me and I don’t want to live in the pain of him leaving me, or my daughter not being by my side. I don’t know what to do. I noticed the lack of affection from him months ago but just thought I was being too “crazy” or bpd, and he was just tired or whatever... but today I went on his laptop and found that he had been paying a significant amount of money to interact (mutually) with “cam girls” 36 times just in the last month... you do the math. 
Every night I go to bed by myself and everytime we are intimate (rare) it’s always me giving him my best puppy dog eyes and asking for a cuddle. I truly cannot remember the last time he kissed me first. I’m heartbroken and I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know what I’m asking for... advice? Anything, anything would help at this point. I’ve ever been so ready to just give up like this before. I don’t want to have this pain for another day... I can’t. It physically hurts. ",2.196858632087469,3.68005457894737,3.5633886346300554,91.13553807526064,76.4370709382151,6.5946859903381645,23.351703534197807,7.2793139503082624,0.7339586066615817,1629,49,363,19,36,534,207,437,0.12,0.722,0.158,0.9438,0,0,1,0,0,2,52.0,3,1,1,7,21,22,3,1,17,0,51,12,2,2,2,66,84,30,3,6,17,4,4,5,3,2,5,1,1,6,14,23,1,2,11,0,2,3,14,7,1,6,24,6,60,15,46,53,4,51,0,1,1,4,45,16,0,7,36,243,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991308686884651,0.0,0.08059645081680847,0.07311168327911477,0.0,0.16517940895856129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686282212441968,0.0,0.0,0.05608780133167311,0.08648527114033877,0.0,0.0,0.16359183169924832,0.0,0.0,0.13574457078158084,0.0,0.1542114084741719,0.0,0.0,0.0634204152235155,0.0,0.050277763243635226,0.0,0.07018261942194062,0.0,0.08655546917900976,0.07294500141228381,0.0,0.0,0.1038780297077286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409171747909387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638284652726554,0.1700621897805156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844035289862584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447587609636495,0.07460598388753815,0.06949118928610577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340661039967939,0.1178444586731799,0.15838343947184014,0.1807010192876046,0.0,0.21046698273588216,0.09973260592319304,0.09043276191224096,0.0,0.0,0.08618259880455724,0.15824063724071225,0.046874092146424295,0.13835710134033494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584959651843015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951684246765542,0.08829429944193412,0.0,0.08909028693694708,0.0,0.0,0.07331014851512291,0.09124957793090983,0.0,0.1813107908010448,0.2016914937901236,0.0,0.08733218885689517,0.0,0.0,0.05825658101562047,0.20147268285178646,0.0,0.07282949812076013,0.07299034743042522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443952628776168,0.0,0.0,0.08361964673813012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749922236088074,0.0,0.06063074765733156,0.0,0.0,0.07965767125500305,0.0,0.15479984676896044,0.0,0.0,0.09390163755764257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552460471570855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796827616447763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343138433334,0.07043567725943815,0.0,0.06558973772133611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136453144906021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349551810746604,0.0,0.0,0.05837828321802334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804348751487299,0.0,0.07773444611102749,0.0,0.062013117452954576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654782409479231,0.24046763827436216,0.09479621482522324,0.07817940676744638,0.15762233885935198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972952065083742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074157538677893,0.07645784103383954,0.0744234775185558,0.0,0.0,0.07950575384912471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717986968796927,0.0,0.0,0.05311306444442744
bpd,Bigkyfan10,2019/03/08,Between 03/17 and 06/18 (16 Months) I was in inpatient or residential treament for 11 months and had 2 failed suicide attempts... It's now been 15 months since my last suicide attempt and 10 months since my last hospitalization. Improvement...,6.096219512195122,9.277777097560977,5.1001829268292695,76.75320121951222,70.70731707317074,8.002439024390245,34.640243902439025,8.841846274778883,3.4175804878048783,195,10,31,4,4,58,32,41,0.26,0.74,0.0,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,3,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611727063220255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7073310559224756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665237738023466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846621264069495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toxicdoormat,2019/03/08,"Does anyone else hate the phrase ""your true colors?"" This phrase or any derivative of this phrase has always made me feel uncomfortable. I used to think people would say this about me once they saw how bad of a person I am. For as long as I can remember I have always thought of myself as ""bad"" and that was why I was rejected at a young age. It was just so normal for me. ""I'm bad, therefore I'll never be good like other people. Okay."" It never felt good but I was a child that didn't know any better. Developing that kind of identity very early in life has followed me well into adulthood. That identity is so ingrained into me that I always feel like I have to hide my true colors/badness. People will inevitably learn sooner or later what kind of person I *truly* am and the shame and self-hatred will be overwhelming. There is a very twisted part of me, and that part (if revealed) are my ""true colors."" So they say. 

I'm s-l-o-w-l-y coming to the realization that maybe I'm not a bad person, I'm a good person who is sick. And using that phrase automatically locks me in a box and that's all there is to me, nothing more. No good deed can ever makeup for showing your true colors. People *know* you now. 

As I'm typing this, I can feel myself cringe because reading it back makes me sound like I'm pulling a victim card or not taking responsibility for my actions. I'm not making excuses but they are actual fucking reasons. I am actively working on myself to make me a better me, I'm not a victim. The truth is that my BPD is just a piece of a large puzzle. My ""true colors"" are not all of me, so do not put me in your little fucking box of ""bad"" people and call it good. I am subject to the human condition, and I had a perfectly fucking normal human response to trauma in early childhood. Fuck that phrase. 

",2.387181539509537,4.193520520435971,4.316055006811991,84.54571738760218,76.76566757493188,6.3313692098092655,21.822973433242502,7.1686216300943375,0.7342916212534054,1409,38,280,16,32,480,171,367,0.175,0.745,0.08,-0.985,1,1,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,4,3,4,14,37,7,2,18,1,32,6,0,9,12,61,63,23,0,4,14,0,4,3,0,3,2,3,0,7,22,11,0,0,12,2,0,5,10,16,1,0,10,12,41,21,33,48,6,26,0,2,5,4,19,9,4,5,15,188,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0790487643789917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220684628244326,0.0,0.0,0.1101717555507129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566402709901921,0.0829987432066708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622875056343507,0.40581253840842063,0.04937962721125945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328389905528874,0.0,0.0,0.1020224061589916,0.0,0.08271471142747552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977825480617011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088763532029523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766891463221086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327326106859439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287501659132495,0.05786967302021881,0.07777707969682411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29954963742717033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33971390359539644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997523142811959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870756542739102,0.08903597417161979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057215915497554275,0.11872420725159775,0.08118784861807547,0.0,0.07168648550790442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664847218196891,0.16221351610767282,0.0,0.081379967106725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495141909891973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873453753220007,0.07772605891126999,0.0,0.0,0.08626721146096916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754400867724963,0.0,0.2807918083698576,0.2829202251476913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143195524270098,0.0,0.0,0.08102647982326784,0.0,0.0,0.08328617777694705,0.0,0.0,0.09176237426982757,0.0,0.0,0.12883615294774933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450542130715262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090534710536458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051904450483446885,0.0,0.06430857142131864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992386092400802,0.0,0.13367448905209928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728328266528936,0.0,0.07309401489926186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589722835945956,0.0,0.0,0.05754331446505214,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OkFlan0,2019/03/08,"DAE struggle to know which feelings are their own? I wonder if I often ""feel"" something only because it's what I think I'm supposed to feel in the situation. So now I'm struggling to identify when something truly makes me happy versus when happiness is the easy/comfortable response, which I think keeps me in situations I only later realise were painful. Anyone else?",5.102288557213927,7.701761940298509,5.8485820895522425,73.02023631840798,71.38805970149255,7.451741293532338,33.5547263681592,8.344100000000001,3.1923651741293533,298,15,44,5,6,97,49,67,0.11699999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.149,0.51,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,14,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,2,5,13,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,4,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975295335873066,0.1901356025996636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131200884883394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501764681933775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28148516979179383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950796297690576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494072035262666,0.0,0.0,0.10198292135590067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386759703956465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822645492920174,0.1974566641032433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171707842074226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857175086379277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879904136838238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378080339289135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012397940057944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Masontaylor1994,2019/03/08,Newly diagnosed Hey y’all. I was diagnosed earlier this week. I’m so overwhelmed by research. Can anyone help me process and tell me what to expect?,2.087500000000002,4.9618084642857125,3.5757142857142874,81.89428571428573,89.35714285714286,7.085714285714286,28.42857142857143,8.07648339933343,2.812185714285714,119,6,20,3,4,39,25,28,0.0,0.8420000000000001,0.158,0.5133,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749717206622469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7982872649062441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26358927266724475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437205546725212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154439271168785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PsyBrBass,2019/03/08,Breakups I have been in a 2 year relationship now and living with my soon to be ex girlfriend. Things are currently in the process of ending and im so scared to be alone again. Basically she no longer feels the same way about me or the relationship and shes been feeling like that for a while. We’re not ending on bad terms and there was no infidelity. Shes the only one that has changed because my feelings for her still remain the same. Her family is in a different state which is making her leaving take a little longer and its making things a lot harder. She says she feels like she used me because all i did was help her get herself back together and now she wants to leave. I keep thinking that this is the wrong decision and that we shouldn’t break up but i know im just being selfish. I just need someone to talk to i guess... i dont feel real... ,3.0287684729064037,4.5945848160919605,3.9732348111658484,88.71310344827587,74.40229885057471,7.040394088669951,24.497536945812808,7.7094869923839395,1.0630571428571427,674,21,144,9,14,217,110,174,0.087,0.861,0.052000000000000005,-0.7046,2,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,11,0,18,0,0,3,1,35,34,11,0,3,5,1,5,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,8,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,6,24,2,15,25,5,21,0,0,0,0,20,6,0,3,14,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026639812909014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413861833712534,0.11307981331446006,0.16511581574546005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326878201144466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414973023335062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872494488074207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399045775814813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767295455099986,0.0,0.3423916863597305,0.19350486845064135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075747401352228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919328731081574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077701437478146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29257895446359816,0.0,0.0,0.12037791852273486,0.0,0.0,0.07442972100185563,0.0,0.0,0.286805233042428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323301763377882,0.13573814354491298,0.11958867317018193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151391890715007,0.0,0.0,0.1808034240684485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004208902119122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177202556948244,0.1030019113651514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415092546349266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080592586056897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077007244326861,0.13559075891076353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475084072969732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815593132975712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018277844376842,0.10885487116882724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994960854754954,0.08677916548183258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696950616839527,0.0,0.0,0.07988112613972989,0.10749938039410588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807330457357906,0.0,0.08721357511457131
bpd,fairbear22,2019/03/08,"DAE have trouble letting things go? I’m really struggling with intrusive memories about my loved ones that are keeping me from forgiving and moving on. Out of nowhere, I’ll remember something mean they said to me years ago so some other wrongdoing and I lash out. There’s only so many times they can apologize for the same thing. But when the thoughts come I can’t get them out of my mind no matter how I try to distract myself. ",4.019535283993116,6.073386168674703,4.3885025817555965,84.71807228915665,72.855421686747,8.11635111876076,28.72461273666093,8.841846274778883,2.3663094664371767,344,14,65,7,7,108,69,83,0.11699999999999999,0.777,0.106,-0.2247,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,0,6,5,0,2,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,18,14,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,2,1,11,2,12,11,2,11,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,4,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852688701369068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026392278412091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290367447057456,0.0,0.13369283920835331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909294343571588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405497845953965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231411986919696,0.0,0.0,0.2384973761432718,0.0,0.2562463313350361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375262753139281,0.0,0.0,0.2500238754103041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940533934183956,0.17891132436200666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070136069584847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266482111347813,0.0,0.22376798997697608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109995744077795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24592489182947805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125672364421705,0.0,0.0,0.18675501834469724,0.1371708755369641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971314693490696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148744347837828
bpd,6thStreetKillah,2019/03/08,"Does anyone else ask for advice, think it sounds like a good idea, but literally never take the advice? I don't know if this is a me thing or if it's common but wanted to discuss anyway. I can always talk to my mom and she gives me gold advice but I don't take it bc my brain thinks that it knows best and knows all the secrets which my mom doesn't know.

""If you want to fix things, why don't you call her and tell her how you feel? It doesn't matter that you already texted her, just call""

""Yeah I think I'll do that""

*doesn't do it because I'm too afraid of getting seen as clingy or that somehow one phone call will wreck everything*

Its pretty fucking ridiculous ",1.9649047619047584,3.5865878714285766,2.782857142857144,95.8904761904762,77.42857142857143,5.238095238095238,18.80952380952381,5.46131890053228,-0.5009761904761905,522,10,119,2,12,164,87,140,0.06,0.8109999999999999,0.129,0.8677,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,1,5,6,2,1,4,1,11,2,1,1,2,29,29,13,0,5,9,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,0,10,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,3,17,3,6,27,2,2,0,0,1,1,20,0,1,6,3,73,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39330389318616493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148050814121635,0.0,0.11163331356089493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380900668600907,0.13746455517052822,0.0,0.0,0.12542311460768182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178375029342286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079446700052467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976886965549185,0.4109824043042619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174058410996736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207491691322002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057591939351915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783620588582677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403036500771213,0.07009397082876809,0.1287001641228025,0.0,0.1125285006465775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514522720770034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949271304795529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554464845801335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142572123260407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347380322126816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091146586062317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649071964965753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017458608137733,0.10783412311777724,0.1172632725057546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782621947438325,0.2578962736572237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826413826862518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121060101099789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bellrosie,2019/03/08,"Failure isn’t an option. My entire existence revolves around doing everything i can for the people i love, or the people i’m around daily. 
it seems like it’s an annoyance to people sometimes, like i want to help you i promise i only have good even great intentions for you. my favorite person is my boyfriend and sometimes he doesn’t budge when i try to cry for help, i understand it’s because i cannot clearly express how i feel or what i’m trying to achieve in a way he can comprehend. 
i’ve never walked out on anyone i’ve always put them first. but why do i always feel like i’m being manipulated or manipulative. 
it’s manic, it’s terrifying in a sense, that things just got so real i’m trying to wrap my head around my life and my loved ones can’t either. it kills me. i love the people around me so much i try to over bond and i over attach myself. anything slightly mean hurts my heart so bad sometimes i can’t breathe. I would hate to trigger anyone but i need advice on how to stop the extreme emptiness and lonely manic depressive terrifying feeling. it’s literally killing me. i started pulling on my hair during episodes a few months ago, but it wasn’t that bad. i reaches out for help to my fp but he wanted me to strive for overcoming it myself, so for 8 months i tried to control it, i’m 19 twenty in october and i think the peak of my problems have arrived. 
involuntary reflexes that i’d never even wanna think about. i’d never hit my hubby he is everything to me, i’m killing him inside and i know it. today i started hitting myself in the head and i couldn’t stop crying, my muscles clinched and i was scratching. 
it was followed by my dingy obsession for my hubby and euphoria from just looking at him. my hands are killing me and i cannot stay idle because i’m so terrified it’ll happen again? 
i have to do something, gotta do it now. he’s the father of my future children and i have to get better in order to be great for him, i will overcome this i will love myself in the mirror. i will continue to be a good person, but i’m trying to not be overly nice all the time. i don’t know if any of this makes sense to any of you, but it’s uncontrollable worrying for people. like damn i just wanna love you. i wanna be good to people because i want people to be good to me. i want to bond and make memories, but i also get excessively evil when provoked in altercations. 
my head of hair isn’t the greatest but i’d like to keep it. it’s agitation , irritation and i annoy the hell outta everyone someone please help me, i need tools to think before i react and i need reassurance. i have no one but my hubbys. ☹️",2.059888888888885,4.042616322222223,4.114962962962967,84.79633333333338,78.37037037037038,6.542222222222222,24.50370370370371,7.554174236665415,1.2700748148148149,2074,74,415,30,50,709,230,540,0.221,0.616,0.163,-0.9937,1,2,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,4,1,4,22,38,10,2,17,0,37,14,8,11,5,83,83,37,4,14,18,1,7,5,0,6,1,0,0,3,24,20,0,4,11,0,0,4,15,18,0,3,4,8,79,20,64,64,5,46,1,3,1,5,28,20,2,6,24,277,103,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409706647239724,0.058144550728441664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245498157131226,0.10915785036167568,0.0,0.0,0.08921146015271203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172879660893517,0.0,0.053977741503968654,0.23356796697170354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953542166570134,0.1199552995218984,0.0,0.05581511315578823,0.0,0.0,0.05801199130938869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356852413332295,0.0,0.0,0.14410243889282698,0.0,0.0,0.056495459766889126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664758350779818,0.0,0.0,0.06267726077892992,0.11790215435287238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949791207016744,0.0468599052714316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579367348457856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853964049726619,0.0,0.0,0.22006637343614047,0.05246099733647035,0.1446338089085963,0.0,0.0,0.05800398640057216,0.0,0.0,0.06475985733448217,0.2019531149528561,0.0,0.0,0.07772844042191608,0.1758633704044791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702190421924029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058302386951947185,0.29027731136745993,0.0,0.0720967839920924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633052582303135,0.1602279978119083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055081897331187374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29600281502999826,0.0,0.08756814639791964,0.0,0.0,0.07145039195980935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471197888259087,0.0,0.04821866252766359,0.14590992279256346,0.15176891513955684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889550860784229,0.04988670153876317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183192092903594,0.11454717348377705,0.0,0.07200180548143759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276398129266837,0.0,0.065939437871149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465959717251586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971372605373074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055577036065967034,0.050496968583445066,0.19462051325216392,0.0,0.09285462727075078,0.06991378799149055,0.0,0.10967796219829612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043577309851097035,0.12608871828100246,0.0,0.0,0.03824801226040518,0.0,0.062174830052200376,0.0,0.0,0.2672014906167777,0.0,0.0,0.06828499488646769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547546388410514,0.05206495136105911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059187799676893166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661323506035369,0.0,0.04659563678361262,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDQueen321,2019/03/08,My job I feel that my job is triggering me. I have been there for over 15 years. I am to scared to try anything else ,-0.9739743589743596,0.9124613461538472,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,89.38461538461539,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.7024717948717947,89,2,24,1,3,29,21,26,0.11599999999999999,0.884,0.0,-0.4404,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015393610789591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061039188821004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527721488138985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7272473154987591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668587640332801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487808385301581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359678832870329
bpd,gearstars,2019/03/08,"Atypical Symptoms Does anyone else experience atypical symptoms? I was recently diagnosed and I knew nothing about BPD and after reading up on it I think im atypical and I was wondering if anyone else is like that. I don't have emotional outbursts, my anger is almost always control. My counselor says I have overcontrol issues and I suppress and push everything down and keep it contained, but that doesn't seem normal for BPD. I have most of the normal symptoms but I was wondering if anyone has experience with overcontrol",4.338365570599613,7.5714938617021295,5.442727272727275,71.26136363636364,78.46808510638297,8.950096711798839,33.01353965183753,9.339509955726095,4.246565957446808,429,23,62,13,11,141,56,94,0.042,0.937,0.021,-0.2076,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,11,4,0,1,0,24,17,10,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,7,0,4,5,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,11,1,8,13,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,7,3,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353860242273398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249951894884164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836107194691808,0.27706238999642485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405662615060458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164138075919556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722794535493307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118316837726872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258890977394647,0.15208489606869716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151151386531026,0.26450846594102123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604217101529976,0.1411165443260799,0.0,0.1201744164790933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605323434366328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649399776701308,0.1297306851583059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523933788329567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349640474143673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751865351974216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308350582994193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42158227668377857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663246301565125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932432302383134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,criticalmilk,2019/03/08,"religion. families. assault. invalid feelings? i was raised catholic. i come from a large extended catholic family with a devoted catholic matriarch. 

i have been searching and searching trying to find answers to questions i have re: religion because i refuse to believe that any god could’ve ever inflicted any of the things i’ve experienced unto me. 
i just think it’s fucked that i could hurt my family with 3 words. i could so easily waltz on over to my aunt and uncle’s house and say,
i was raped. by your son. 

but there’s no guarantee that it will hurt them. 
it most definitely will hurt my mother if (and when) she finds out. but as my sister said to me, “shit happens to everyone.”
yes, this is true and i do not deny that but this is ME. this is your only SISTER. but as i’ve seen previously, you cannot count on anyone for anything, especially validation. 

when i was raped in college by a classmate, none of my “witnesses” who were “friends” responded to the officers when i filed my Title IX, and this was way before i told a soul about being raped by my cousin. and my rapist’s ONE witness lied through his fucking teeth to the Title IX office and my rapist got off scott free. 
even when i told my mom about that rape she cried but she also said that i should “take better care of myself to not end up in a situation like that.”

these are and were people who said they loved me, unconditionally, no matter what. but is there a grey area under those conditions?

so yes, i ask questions. 
because there is no fucking way that my family’s “merciful god” could’ve just pushed these things upon me. and if he did, he’s a real sick asshole. ",3.0871786833855768,5.250032890282135,4.236050156739811,84.28442006269594,75.89655172413794,7.534796238244513,25.106583072100314,8.433251757073789,1.7270840125391849,1288,45,252,25,29,420,173,319,0.192,0.66,0.14800000000000002,-0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,2,1,17,22,11,0,10,2,24,13,2,0,2,43,42,27,0,5,12,7,1,1,1,3,1,4,0,0,23,14,0,1,7,0,1,2,7,14,0,1,15,8,42,9,35,21,2,21,1,3,2,10,33,11,4,5,7,174,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212104409657701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396652526349865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180313790604825,0.0,0.08450500519678579,0.0,0.09600115716953454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519757128327574,0.0,0.08738150755978341,0.1156963072180143,0.0,0.09082083633890736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046991563885324,0.0,0.0,0.08845822177578208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32795798966077777,0.0,0.11279998947911266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095273616684872,0.0,0.0,0.06782568416721421,0.09288885765121437,0.0,0.09812456209295732,0.0,0.0,0.3872274441107797,0.0,0.051923078799314834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771334366787396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933793125292336,0.2848053630818741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213046209465888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908083042313702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849031125970265,0.3297948576606922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016907862575309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268160810520062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026912314583935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958530690214511,0.07810026606010795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119221919951899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300722901923888,0.0,0.0,0.1168835425726272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29304471835850954,0.08166309849571393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540966579653112,0.0,0.11542770539490133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772099949553472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644516027622786,0.06579951597770331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624912418591464,0.0,0.06971967433248866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302086240541253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sunnyrobots,2019/03/08,"feel the need to be defensive whenever someone (whether true or perceived) has slighted you? I think it's also an ego thing? When someone, or if I even perceive someone, is being sarcastic, mean, rude, etc. to me, if I don't react and defend myself, then I feel like I am being treated badly/walked all over. I feel a strong need to protect myself...I guess I'm very defensive. I can think of times when I felt threatened by a co-worker, family member, or significant other and I felt stupid or belittled. I couldn't just brush it off. I would take it personally and lash out in some way, whether it was being mean and condescending or being passive aggressive like sulking. I always felt so immature and wish I could be the bigger person but it was so difficult for me to control how I would feel in that moment. Then of course, I would feel so embarrassed and guilty afterwards. I always feel like everyone hates me and is out to get me. I'm always questioning people's motives. ",4.1777304964539015,5.983428829787236,5.3660851063829815,78.9136666666667,71.87234042553192,8.41758865248227,28.490780141843967,9.029198982220553,2.5193499290780146,772,30,139,16,15,256,108,188,0.166,0.731,0.10300000000000001,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,3,9,14,6,1,5,0,19,0,0,4,2,54,41,26,0,10,11,0,9,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,9,0,4,17,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,10,22,6,15,25,3,15,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,10,10,100,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897341652302333,0.30894278485017795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881099495064242,0.09881487464582328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380287254378989,0.08174445130222754,0.0,0.0,0.1182610774376447,0.0,0.0,0.11667296591495545,0.0,0.3754704700869643,0.17683296357100564,0.3564963507539366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466118359084669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633915958451231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219057450670508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813933993422011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26962889671622764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353774520293906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858018458185442,0.2161305708845235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864315083986092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145925691839549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305455227126894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822227958079059,0.15860497083343852,0.0,0.0,0.07216733921601648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211763268760768,0.0,0.09823749743012522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232161552308625,0.0,0.0,0.09010111110303544,0.0,0.0,0.2637535594938897,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SteeltoedSiren,2019/03/08,"Newly diagnosed this week. Relating to everything on this sub. Can you lovely folks tell me a positive BPD story? Feeling pretty down. 

((Not gonna lie... I used to consider BPD to be the “asshole” disorder. But I guess now I’m the asshole too. ¿How did I not realize I literally fit all of the symptoms?))",0.7134291187739485,3.2288470862068976,3.8095402298850622,79.22837164750959,95.3793103448276,8.095019157088123,27.13409961685824,8.515128840125781,3.1869938697318005,233,12,42,8,9,83,46,58,0.077,0.723,0.2,0.8248,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,8,9,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,6,6,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6287727918812911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533580335978841,0.0,0.0,0.2860850034047613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243414643627493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621486812446656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749834740906393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252908959766028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539522656940693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594497215176286,0.0,0.0,0.2181780110177048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215590672667751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022930741382408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,qorj,2019/03/08,"Does anyone else ever want to run away? I get the urge to run away and start over somewhere new a lot. Sometimes I want to because life gets stressful; other times because life gets boring. 

Right now I want to because I'm sick of everyone around me because people have become way too dependent on me and I'm not a fan of it. ",3.439090909090908,4.7644301818181845,4.397393939393943,87.04609090909094,72.93939393939394,6.492121212121212,26.83636363636364,6.742157984588678,1.1602218181818182,256,9,51,2,5,83,45,66,0.163,0.779,0.057999999999999996,-0.8386,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,10,10,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,11,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,5,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674946250335398,0.18573438837750425,0.0,0.1613703404279743,0.0,0.0,0.3406216602832515,0.0,0.0,0.4420064451123065,0.2002004694546116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863218021215045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142933478025336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639707277869571,0.0,0.17321298018943104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841211129228544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25607527680113346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411080829792365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507344114898482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567104699194345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480513305483606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928245261231146,0.0,0.12830511826828556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764624290651326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570104863570884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207564257595405,0.14388512319444716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hextoria,2019/03/08,"I told him that I loved him for the last time but he didn't answer. I won't be alive tomorrow and you won't even know until someone calls you after a few weeks. I'm sorry for ruining you, a pure, beautiful person. I love you.",0.29142857142857537,2.1795536530612267,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,83.89795918367345,6.3689795918367365,17.963265306122448,7.554174236665415,0.33764163265306113,175,4,40,3,5,61,36,49,0.126,0.619,0.255,0.8712,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,10,2,4,4,1,6,0,1,0,2,12,0,0,0,6,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317648636261308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546616644502666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096206518600948,0.25357265761894954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5615257686273637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716240622071925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26357804985579353,0.0,0.0,0.3482298801008572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139392087213974,0.0,0.0,0.2972513709943901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495305353105545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boot-doot,2019/03/08,"Experiences with lamictal After being on 25 mg for two weeks, I've now been on 50 mg of lamictal for almost two weeks. I'm going to move to 75 mg soon, which (according to my psychiatrist) is when I should start to feel something.

Just wanted to know what everyone's experiences were. I've had some pretty terrible experiences with medications in the past. Zoloft made me go manic (which is what caused my psychiatrist to realize that I probably have bipolar tendencies). Another one which I've had (I cannot remember the name of it -- it had two names, one started with an ""m"" and the other with a ""r"") caused weight gain.

My main worry is any side effects -- particularly weight gain. I've gained the horrid freshmen 15 after starting college. Also, I've gone off of my Dexedrine (which majorly suppresses appetite) -- which I've been taking since I was eleven years old. It's hard to manage my appetite now that I actually feel hunger.

I've also heard that lamictal can cause lethargy. I've actually been experiencing issues with insomnia (which I'm now taking ambien for, which I hope doesn't cause weight gain as well) and briefly went off of lamictal because I couldn't sleep. What have been the experiences of people that were made more energetic by lamictal? Did you still get the whole ""brain fog"" or anything?

At what dosage did you guys start to notice changes? If it helps, I'm 5'3"" and about 121 pounds -- in case my size would have anything to do with what dosage would affect me more (sorry if this is unnecessary information).

When should I start worrying about the dreaded rash that I'm always told to fear for? I haven't gotten anything so far, but am I at too low of a dosage to feel safe about not having had any rashes?",6.564449541284404,7.131701737003058,6.916775229357799,74.59387844036698,65.2691131498471,10.454373088685015,31.334709480122328,10.355215969177356,3.145814801223241,1376,49,255,32,20,447,173,327,0.069,0.8690000000000001,0.062,0.4323,0,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,0,5,16,7,0,2,10,0,33,12,4,8,0,43,60,13,0,9,6,0,7,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,23,9,4,2,8,0,0,5,5,4,1,6,20,9,20,3,42,34,6,35,0,1,0,0,9,11,0,6,19,160,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.1700537488225439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872486868757348,0.0,0.0,0.13935658188859998,0.07249961994567643,0.0,0.0,0.11850356038416936,0.09136400703527696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510312258426287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311399101999143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097266539739445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580284151877925,0.09217259735956228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832570002185359,0.0,0.3409216933960125,0.0,0.09804612286283804,0.13216751313028946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552213029847,0.0,0.09903662966353634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627296987585263,0.0,0.0,0.07805188279897025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840178912668875,0.0,0.0,0.08654032278597905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094168514925316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788468645556413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489011736568449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777488972187282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260601428870434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919873940753507,0.09142888361665767,0.0,0.11808386785910754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317599477298193,0.06040537132626678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864312081280402,0.09394149877750126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870195864559676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207531367363956,0.0,0.08719350165668674,0.0,0.0,0.06707737498637803,0.0,0.09753554746162957,0.308357354281978,0.0,0.06958259134016942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102270073380276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832570002185359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553417394712857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513918717876555,0.0,0.13978178646162945,0.3183047090011009,0.07834085268104876,0.08077091779919973,0.0,0.09727817760375666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769706607166101,0.0,0.12379012399917097,0.0,0.0,0.05610923489725187
bpd,CBunny9,2019/06/02,"What’s your experience with sex avoidance? Very often any touch, sexual or not but most often sexual, makes me feel gross and dirty and shameful and disgusting so I just avoid it. That goes for being on the receiving end of the touch or being the one touching. My bf is a recovering porn addict and has a very high sex drive. 

Tonight he said he’s worried if I don’t show him affection then he’s going to lose interest in showing ME affection and get addicted to porn again. 

I told him that’s not fair, he can’t blame me for that.

I’ve tried to explain to him how sex makes me feel and how I’m working on this in therapy, though i JUST started with a new therapist so we haven’t gotten very far, but he doesn’t seem to understand and takes it very personally. 

But again I told him that if he relapses it’s not my fault, that’s a choice he’s making. He can’t blame me for it. 

I still feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. I feel like a broken woman. I feel so unlovable and undeserving of all the love he shows me. I feel so sick to my stomach and sad about this rn.",3.295580357142857,4.214008111607144,4.672678571428573,86.49732142857144,72.79464285714286,8.457142857142857,25.607142857142854,8.841846274778883,1.6235232142857146,843,26,187,16,16,281,116,224,0.252,0.642,0.106,-0.9913,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,15,14,1,3,11,0,9,10,1,7,1,46,31,24,0,2,12,0,9,2,2,0,3,1,0,2,12,12,0,2,9,3,0,3,8,10,0,1,4,10,24,4,19,25,3,19,0,2,0,6,25,8,0,8,10,113,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972231538468453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270393101091087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074121543890674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333495003958078,0.0,0.0,0.4135723173006299,0.19477755068796745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122284618248162,0.0,0.07747518179300278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403213799935322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332005123982491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250993568452845,0.0,0.0,0.12303632065478386,0.0,0.2729888532884629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166105793388458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923756105219484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903149270236545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967385392947686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410282560140792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964897216771969,0.0,0.1088672732911608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249750615351363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589658590728758,0.15828085496578773,0.0,0.0,0.1339361009853657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260523858672709,0.0,0.09255398543994232,0.0,0.0,0.1419164632929296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499211453629009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924435682415493,0.1384420507606923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Quistiadess,2019/06/02,"Re: girl interrupted DAE feel like they almost relate more to Angelina Jolie's ""Lisa"" than what's her face? I when I realized Wynonna Ryder was the one with BPD I was like, huh! I think it's cuz if I was there I would have taken on all of Lisa's personality traits.",1.882363636363636,3.745970690909093,3.9327272727272735,86.45909090909093,78.45454545454545,7.309090909090909,20.090909090909093,8.238735603445708,0.815654545454545,208,5,46,4,5,71,43,55,0.044000000000000004,0.8490000000000001,0.107,0.4753,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,1,1,9,8,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,8,2,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943902354644533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960482768925799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914560127209205,0.28137105040711285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848366298465451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668872513567821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34390016729233003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25236724161598184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797842460468305,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IridescentLune,2019/06/02,Favorite person My favorite person is going hiking for a week with no way for us to keep in contact. How in the fucking hell am I supposed to be ok? How am I supposed to be ok not talking to the one person I talk to every single day who I feel has understood me better than anyone else. I don't trust anyone else. I don't fucking want to be alone. I already feel myself spiraling and I'm getting super pissed off at them already. What the fuck ever.,2.2602419354838688,3.9721977526881713,4.296438172043016,84.96465725806455,76.84946236559139,5.5102150537634405,25.603494623655912,5.985473137389443,0.9420333333333332,353,13,67,2,8,121,61,93,0.195,0.644,0.161,-0.5767,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,2,3,10,5,0,4,2,9,4,1,2,1,11,20,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,2,12,5,14,16,1,9,1,0,0,3,9,4,5,0,3,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236323036109698,0.3459923456310573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923012350304105,0.3212524305709349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864758385128306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110168173732736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619172587416679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180463646016214,0.13208287486369494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853211029198044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434785419854947,0.08190423512874279,0.0,0.08909424217558126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934162405388442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622930885078548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106484318686664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520065925874284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857127894719924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246517952925876,0.12443426861606699,0.12574895144410458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yellingconstantly,2019/06/02,has anyone told their fp that they’re their fp? i just wanted to know if anyone has talked to their fp and about what being someone’s fp means and that they’re your fp. i was wondering if it would make things easier by like explaining how you feel about them? idk i’d like y’all’s perspectives,1.8756284153005431,4.037247737704924,2.689754098360656,93.88632513661207,79.81967213114754,6.689617486338799,16.724043715846992,7.793537801064563,0.15666994535519094,236,4,52,4,6,74,42,61,0.024,0.8370000000000001,0.139,0.7757,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,14,13,5,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,9,2,5,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,3,2,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456468104521431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161130523891915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751342163950476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113748301939653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127165436706378,0.0,0.0,0.34712806075712593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700103977464515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25613709558928915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171202349922108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045054812295065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796145199693493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455870175331704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263759874898525,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goshdarnitdeana,2019/06/02,"My insecurities and emptiness ruin me Just that. I push my boyfriend away because I’m always insecure about my body, or I feel that I’m being treated unfairly, or I self-trigger and ask questions I don’t want the answer to, or ask him to tell me that another girl’s body is nice so I can self-loathe. He’s very, very tired, and it perpetually feels like I’m running out of time to fix anything.

My insecurities run my life. Even when I’m better, I feel like it affects what I do and how I do it. I have a severe inferiority complex, and any little perceived knocked against what I’m insecure about (probably pretty much everything) can set me off. I’m perpetually at risk for being set off and getting emotional at the worst possible times, and I’m VERY tired.

The emptiness comes in because it plays up the insecurity that I don’t contribute to anything important in my life, and that I’m just taking up space. It makes me really question my purpose. I have a very narrow spectrum of interests, and I give up on things way too easily to pick up another hobby and be good at anything else. It feels hopeless, at least when I’m triggered.

I understand that it HAS to be tiring and such a killjoy to be around someone who’s so moody a lot of the time, or someone who can become moody so easily. But, I feel less in control of it, and I feel betrayed if no one can tell that I’m hurting and don’t reach out to help. I can feel isolated, angry, and hurt when no one’s done anything wrong. What do I do?",4.487574257425743,5.1446698613861415,6.012889438943898,78.9369579207921,69.85808580858085,9.096303630363037,31.651650165016502,9.255337874911486,2.6878489768976896,1180,50,239,23,20,403,144,303,0.23199999999999998,0.6659999999999999,0.102,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,2,16,23,0,6,9,0,22,7,2,6,0,47,48,27,0,2,8,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,21,18,0,1,13,1,0,4,5,15,0,2,1,7,29,8,34,42,5,34,0,5,0,0,13,21,0,8,8,156,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732423864202495,0.0,0.0,0.06319479736542798,0.19488798116682285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058900666571415,0.08272636900329372,0.17375184048192088,0.0,0.08730970351916656,0.0,0.0,0.11329711576246992,0.10263260191935347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218800654728077,0.0,0.2064459822309481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004996654445319,0.0,0.0,0.10422759513453853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509846677126854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763012083714298,0.1045324362925606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137862190133477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351844864463502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289132933187305,0.1327767626769977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855148301921774,0.08914581038993195,0.0,0.07794430139600582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062288242103020926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896448886487325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127677480934888,0.09080067369514044,0.0931391102249005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900477597579507,0.0,0.0,0.06203072181320458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831338938857222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259419730055494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476330345585964,0.0,0.094542038052599,0.10019300618822337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820313548003855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953259401165641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389009275893576,0.10498313722623673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747660788637366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987092199003565,0.0,0.1624478030428372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061737791558539534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256266046688386,0.3204240910495427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674219898570796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067040987537344,0.05481183710130616,0.07376258712660408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016030975219618,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sp00ks13,2019/06/02,"Taking a break from FP. About a week ago my FP went from normal behavior to suddenly being standoff-ish. Not responding or if they do very short basic answers. After a few days of this I inquired if I had done something and they..well, didn't actually answer but said they had been sleeping for my previous message - ignoring the days before of no response. I've tried to reach out a few times but keep getting short or no response. I messaged today and let them know I'd be giving them some space. Part of me feels like I am trying to manipulate them into talking or sharing but honestly, I just feel really bad feeling rejected all week and I don't want to feel that way anymore. So I am taking a break for my sake. I put their messages on ignore (they don't know) so I won't even be notified of any. Wish me luck on being able to stick to it, it's really hard. Especially because I am going through some really rough stuff right now and they were one of the few things that lifted my mood.",2.931584392550988,4.777385557788944,4.510972509606859,83.5706148389004,75.3316582914573,7.4964232929352645,25.776234111735143,8.313332769828598,1.7543340821755835,782,28,153,14,17,262,125,199,0.12300000000000001,0.758,0.11900000000000001,-0.22399999999999998,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,8,0,6,9,0,0,7,0,18,1,1,1,1,36,34,14,0,5,10,0,6,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,3,9,0,0,3,7,4,0,1,8,7,24,4,22,20,7,24,0,1,0,0,16,8,0,8,11,106,31,0,0.1507452742563068,0.0,0.14710564240691842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362659017883288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251195577000573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949880559872633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586600736970396,0.0918929200195947,0.0,0.12827312547804068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944364620998603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426475320553654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956583193374914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048853602107487,0.10769245404903556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875818401717136,0.1446086031248742,0.08567201328606762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503815634424735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398932608597322,0.0,0.0,0.16569132080352691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414725623187958,0.0,0.07364652656371343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769836251890345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214889915443516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324244199984278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515406367517184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28971384822583324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873564055670095,0.14339327613820568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085414069054842,0.0,0.0,0.11605107687026515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725672735325895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266833715197735,0.12116334131771825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014846192147414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790078168023567,0.0,0.14288889381270886,0.0,0.0,0.20469229208069792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438063858371767,0.08891346843175058,0.11965458208970113,0.2418375323872744,0.0,0.0,0.13974237948787294,0.0,0.0,0.1733496258886152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justagirl21x,2019/06/02,"Obsessions with people? I have been diagnosed with BPD and I was just wondering if anyone else can relate to this and can give me advice? Thanks in advance.

I have an obsession with my crush’s ex girlfriend that I’ve never met (I have her on social media). I don’t want to harm her in any way and I would be soooo embarrassed if anyone noticed but I can’t help it, i copy her hair, her clothes, her makeup, if I know she’s bought something I will buy it too, her music taste
Everything you can think of, I’ve copied it. I’m so embarrassed and I wish I could stop doing it but she’s everything I wish I could be and I can’t help it but I know it’s gone too far in the sense that i don’t have any identity for myself, it’s all her... Can someone help?",0.09768806073153867,2.182935708074538,2.2635507246376814,94.76508454106282,86.32919254658384,5.813802622498276,18.261214630779847,7.1686216300943375,0.1686477570738445,583,15,135,9,18,196,88,161,0.085,0.772,0.14300000000000002,0.8997,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,4,2,0,21,3,1,0,2,28,34,12,0,9,7,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,10,8,1,1,4,0,2,2,5,5,0,0,5,2,30,1,11,23,1,10,0,0,0,0,18,5,0,4,2,91,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353894816991685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276164754647518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340392741807867,0.17147663030576238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077979916235245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672412797697975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986344233550332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980497787401686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008186703542721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054371569601714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365268357868268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394963871830247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290757394100141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053661646359984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602400531976892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059899422065006,0.14180071758110602,0.12883929924409665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991762464709265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407948687392545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723536192122037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871126813338532,0.132839891912561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38490369802743335,0.0,0.1814911110161566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888533825773538,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jamesanddogs,2019/06/02,Blocked Does anyone else have the intense urge to block whether it be someone you like or your FP from your phone if you get ignored or not responded to in a reasonable amount of time?,6.933333333333334,6.7281790000000035,5.852222222222222,85.165,64.55555555555556,9.422222222222222,37.444444444444436,8.841846274778883,3.0065444444444447,148,7,30,2,2,44,32,36,0.17800000000000002,0.73,0.092,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,3,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947107564819336,0.4318592049413629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688426673325277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520950142527314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020750349603413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591533385551208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333547849971123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571212301378733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457701625641143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,honestholly,2019/06/02,"Should I just end my friendship with BPD friend? So, I’ve had a close childhood friend for the last 12 years. The relationship has been rocky to put it simply. Two years ago he was diagnosed with BPD. Although he himself doesn’t agree with the diagnosis and lacks self-awareness about his own behavior, it explains SO much about. Due to his denial, it is very hard to have any kind of conversation about the illness to find common ground. 


The thing is, it’s reached the point where the relationship is becoming toxic. This is in part due to previous betrayals and inconsiderate actions on his part that I struggle to get over, but also his increasingly bad behavior. He will have episodes of irrational rage where he attacks my character to the point of deeply upsetting me, and coming out of the episode he makes sure to mention that it brings him pleasure that he brought me to tears - mostly because he fails to see my emotional reaction unless it is portrayed as clearly as his. 


I know he has a strong fear of abandonment, which has also caused a lot of issues for us. I hate to confirm his fear, because I love and care for him with all my heart, but I have reached a point where he makes me question my own self worth, and puts a continuous strain on my day-to-day life. When I know that he has BPD and most of our problems are exaggerated because of that, I feel so bad for wanting to cut ties, is that even fair of me? And if it is, would it be best to formally end things like I would anyone else, or should I try to just fade out of the friendship? 


Also, I just want to say that we have tried to talk things over several times over the years. Also, I don’t mean to sound inconsiderate, mean or judging. I have spent the last two years reading up on BPD, trying to understand it and adjust my own behavior. On paper I feel like I understand, but in reality I struggle to set boundaries for what I can accept and excuse regarding his behavior.",8.9105164612264,6.89910748806366,8.458293025432983,73.91951630519584,61.6525198938992,11.947511312217195,38.09158995163053,10.59048541779884,3.748741426119518,1541,60,304,29,17,492,188,377,0.166,0.684,0.15,-0.8865,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,0,3,18,27,4,6,17,0,29,5,1,3,3,59,51,27,0,9,10,0,3,2,2,5,3,2,0,1,22,18,0,1,13,1,2,7,2,15,0,2,5,6,41,12,56,40,13,45,0,2,1,1,36,20,0,7,19,210,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126109738360438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571521838712908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466811997023694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562107250476416,0.08236930106668901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145550363137968,0.0,0.0,0.13424498517030525,0.14701543263843764,0.08878470425564261,0.0,0.0,0.08436459730658337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049947728742281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196320751575523,0.08258292109869267,0.0,0.06924907361218477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369010869826464,0.0,0.0,0.08159440150537563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715573015747389,0.0904281998876879,0.14240378329133646,0.0,0.0,0.05309699541098067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092273987063268,0.08129544170713653,0.05743080359378434,0.0,0.0,0.07347522306402937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421860017711325,0.0,0.04200058247009369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201386488176759,0.07936871886093158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526282158841104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390652462960149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371406428597597,0.08836074715067081,0.1310575504560832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056782004008049884,0.07854922129491439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683449073551311,0.07255533033934261,0.0,0.10732221902114476,0.0,0.0,0.17513707736171685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909607629679733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410959212414126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279842839636453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692260284146897,0.0,0.16162879047778364,0.09005546708841132,0.0,0.08041199484572842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261806533066162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392954555951777,0.0,0.0,0.06406061320425979,0.0,0.1677291057789609,0.09081808914661577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808266710049938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576684991960629,0.0,0.0,0.06461462986827393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602231102713908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04687619548644635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373908823215333,0.0,0.1570591668477835,0.16737815012691276,0.09669956065719328,0.0,0.0,0.06633036723370067,0.09483249290653048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421384012393315,0.0,0.0,0.2070747157204189
bpd,__christianbale,2019/06/02,DAE feel “gross” and “dirty” I have bpd and for the last couple of weeks have just been feeling really grossed out by myself. I just feel dirty and insecure and no amount of self care or hygiene practice is making me feel any better. I’m also feeling really nasty about being on antipsychotics (Risperdal) because one of the side effects is weight gain. I can see that i have gained a bit of weight (isn’t visible to other people though) but i keep thinking/ feeling like i’ve gained so much weight and it’s adding to my feelings of being gross. dae relate? Any coping strategies?,3.809181818181816,6.151364281818186,3.8254545454545488,87.22818181818184,74.36363636363637,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.1152909090909096,461,15,84,5,10,141,76,110,0.145,0.693,0.161,0.2304,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,5,6,7,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,2,0,21,23,10,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,3,1,9,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,11,8,3,12,20,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,51,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046098554758368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487092150675665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182434898910327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322245928551946,0.16445199013518258,0.0,0.1897167223999451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535801657578889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666723140188652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5331512427231445,0.107612093314512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388934247284387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278582630504735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359157109796577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054855517705023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073243066480004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207267505276237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442980824754426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299844138004968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200348289514054,0.0,0.15714284889963376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651940778914796,0.1479959486759216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082853590819324,0.5502904625109222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AkiLLis10,2019/06/02,Welp! I desperately need someone to care rn!! I’ve been in a bad way for SOO long. Somebody please help me to see just a speck of light. I’m headed nowhere good and ready to risk it all 😩,-0.7875609756097575,1.2421751219512205,1.1348292682926842,101.53151219512196,90.46341463414636,4.255609756097561,17.956097560975607,5.6839178017228535,-0.7176185365853662,144,4,37,1,5,47,36,41,0.27899999999999997,0.5529999999999999,0.168,-0.6588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,2,6,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870035702354369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504597680893208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883078090377881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527702979865469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039768511489306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041938136129196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548744393209406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773167605934504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739115308891374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912447413169694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27284008583749964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neverwholeagain,2019/06/02,"I’m ready to end it No one gives a fuck about me. I truly feel that way. When it rains it pours.... fuck me, no one will care. I’m ready to be at peace with existence.",-3.0178070175438587,-1.4403305000000015,-0.3884210526315783,109.12771929824562,104.0,3.5859649122807014,8.964912280701752,5.46131890053228,-2.063435087719298,123,1,36,1,6,41,27,38,0.22399999999999998,0.49,0.28600000000000003,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,3,1,5,7,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420416984491899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29713351501767604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696275182516561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6202871380959999,0.0,0.3218206141345097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546565107285767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662864467258799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Resinmy,2019/06/02,"BPD and the ‘right’ to ones emotions Tbh I feel like this question belongs under 2-3 different flairs, but basically... I’m paranoid.

I’m paranoid about my feelings.

As someone self-aware of their BPD reactions and tendencies, a big thing for me is often discerning which feelings/intensities are warranted and which aren’t. When am I warranted to feel anger? When is it correct to feel THIS sad? I find myself second-guessing how I’m feeling sometimes to the point of just ‘dealing’ with anything that upsets me. I don’t want to be seen as controlling, or psycho, so I try to kind of clam up so that I don’t reveal how angry I am, or sad. I know that’s a bad idea, and the emotional ‘pain’ of just letting it be is just as bad as how I originally felt. Then I ruminate, feel worse, etc...

My boyfriend keeps encouraging me to just tell him how I’m feeling when I get upset, but I’m deathly afraid of making him feel that I’m being restrictive and controlling. Context: He agreed to NOT attend an online D&D game on Saturdays, because that was our designated ‘us’ day during the week. He gave his reasons to want to attend, I gave my reasons not to, and he conceded. He has discord-based games Fridays and Sundays, and they’re about 4-6hrs long. Either I’m at work, or I end up sequestering myself in the bedroom and stay there the whole time.

To even CONSIDER taking up our only spend-time-together-day with ANOTHER game felt like an insult, a great offense even. In my heart, I knew I was justified in feeling that way — to all of a sudden try to take up the only full day you have with your SO to do something that separates the two of you FOR HOURS *is* something people would feel strongly about. Even rehashing it makes me feel angry.

But he conceded, because of how I felt — but then I felt guilty. I felt like, as valid as my concerns were, I was taking away his happiness. I had to be the ‘cool girlfriend’ for him/his friends, at the risk of my sanity. And what would THEY think of me, when he told them ‘no’? A psycho? Abusive? Controlling? Everyone’s wants mattered more to me than my own. I actually expected him to just do it anyway, and fuck my feelings. But no. I started crying because I felt like a ‘bad’ girlfriend for not being okay with it. I kept worrying this was one of those clingy, ‘BPD things’. He kept telling me I wasn’t bad, and while he would have liked to play, he understood my points.

I talk to my therapist about this disconnect of what feelings are appropriate and which aren’t (obviously not counting anything that leads to destruction). I’m used to being dismissed, told I was overreacting for EVERY issue. Needless to say that knowing I have BTD tendencies (and knowing the stigma), and still needing to take accountability for everything I do makes me insecure and question every reaction.",4.194958656330751,5.994115403703706,5.150267011197244,80.5051550387597,71.81481481481481,8.356589147286822,30.3359173126615,8.973190933345348,2.6481098191214474,2218,96,412,45,43,725,248,540,0.166,0.738,0.096,-0.9941,3,0,2,0,0,0,84.0,3,3,3,6,28,31,5,5,19,2,37,3,1,16,3,102,93,45,1,8,18,0,19,5,3,3,1,1,1,0,26,20,0,7,33,4,1,3,11,17,0,3,23,22,63,14,69,60,7,42,0,2,1,1,42,17,1,6,25,281,89,2,0.0,0.07613951398168534,0.06271007326266312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962744063438983,0.0,0.0,0.06738391378518248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576367899118799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603759092717916,0.0,0.21462308078161985,0.1175198650261523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428057901318891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162246201905323,0.0,0.0,0.07058837431993924,0.12433028995740765,0.06625091060704696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713971764494857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457135083899364,0.056916723269349524,0.0,0.07166869536956863,0.12733258587903964,0.0,0.1082863763029975,0.061404733732536174,0.05775420227812731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224038903523967,0.0459085156269532,0.3702074083708309,0.0,0.0587339583490337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049648369781878254,0.059408834079936426,0.033574045216356985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084866516486668,0.07079142159869932,0.0,0.0,0.06840769160381847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615033152753146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328475319345735,0.0,0.0,0.07254354933400882,0.0,0.06707243771839355,0.0,0.057118682314194286,0.0,0.06691859051201637,0.10594952066319846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571186239614323,0.0,0.1569749127492995,0.0,0.0,0.056869513311940616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868539513831806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764917848815852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709067639915016,0.09774771860521482,0.06837889663402406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044550917431187914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149600804329228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397544730049194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321433004346261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487907410441319,0.0,0.05110342112052181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703888672891296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444866381942305,0.0989434723736064,0.06355638736505466,0.0,0.04548470683414962,0.06849433881599437,0.05131941437293976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326696927247064,0.05165105761045795,0.11233498022087697,0.0,0.0,0.07461269615496062,0.08538513250044183,0.04117625263400408,0.0,0.0,0.07494293718204371,0.0,0.0,0.12280946746507232,0.0,0.08725884624585489,0.0,0.06277426715624161,0.0,0.07729881899181243,0.05550140877389356,0.0,0.0,0.11370950892493435,0.05100788444472068,0.0515467970008824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174580609517525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678322619887115,0.0652607965171144,0.06548808288485848,0.1369488376280896,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itiswhatitis1988,2019/06/02,"DAE string together a handful of “good” days and then start questioning if you really have BPD or not? Maybe even question that you’re “forcing” your symptoms to fill the bill of BPD? Basically just the title. I’ve had a good last few days, jiving well with my wife, no implosions (I’m considered quiet BPD), not quite as depressed as usual. So I sit here almost afraid that I’m not actually BPD, and I just use it as a crutch. How can I have BPD when I’ve had these good days? If I REALLY had BPD, I wouldn’t have these good days. Things like that. 

Ironically, these thoughts tend to spiral me out of a good day, like I deserve the bad days, and the good days are for other people. It’s so frustrating.",3.8587234042553193,4.8695920709219855,4.805453900709222,85.72350000000002,71.55319148936171,8.476879432624115,24.738297872340425,8.841846274778883,1.5212434042553191,546,15,117,10,10,178,85,141,0.073,0.7390000000000001,0.188,0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,9,13,1,1,8,0,9,2,1,2,0,20,15,14,0,3,8,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,4,1,0,4,2,10,9,11,10,1,15,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,6,14,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.08800302879615189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030261028310646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752968389912132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6814740863513263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071121306178333,0.0,0.07767221731769787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059563281403857686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538340758455281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350903471556514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811514353739335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059829897387148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251971119807484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204529791655945,0.0959179200388801,0.0,0.0,0.1155437036536264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383012739507374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373192999033396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059911828221969776,0.0,0.0,0.0715931375662811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788688197026879,0.09932093284990706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108297949490971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,portaminto,2019/06/02,"I’ve liked a guy for an entire year and accidentally made him my FP. Now it’s ruining my life. I’m a girl in high school and I met someone in August who has changed my life. I saw a couple of people this year who I had genuine feelings for but this one guy (we’ll call him A) has always been on my mind. I was seeing someone who I really liked and enjoyed, but I ended up telling A that I liked him and breaking things off with the other guy.

Now that I’ve been single and learned that A has feelings for me as well, I’m completely obsessed. I can’t get him off my mind, I’ve made
horrible decisions and acted on impulse trying to impress him, but he’s socially awkward as hell and won’t notice me. I just want his affection, I want him to myself, I get insanely jealous when he so much as walks next to someone other than me, I miss him every second he’s not around to the point where it cripples me. I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t know how to get over him. I don’t want to hurt anyone else because of my undying feelings for him. I just want him to be mine, I’d do anything to have him closer to me.",2.9868931535269714,3.3145270539419087,4.826283713692948,87.28847121369299,73.06639004149378,7.518775933609959,27.095695020746888,7.413659706084162,1.2673504149377592,864,29,196,9,16,297,122,241,0.11900000000000001,0.754,0.127,-0.05,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,0,11,13,2,2,9,0,16,2,0,5,0,33,36,17,0,4,6,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,4,13,9,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,7,1,2,8,5,43,6,31,25,2,24,1,3,2,0,29,13,1,0,11,136,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374951522284756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718400141281522,0.12775649583748105,0.10260672036515467,0.11099780393535556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600799595920386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731929759309174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190224031589004,0.0,0.1307318750983943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379637177929834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415993154269927,0.0,0.11043561200411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505411724192493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913637651826912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543132587107656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703789954276372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173858860371784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347993868945304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704935308861865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614013387888172,0.182747209217114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359635782166388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517965125332532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165924109651707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260596587697454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195689759423505,0.0,0.0,0.08449109150641697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644221854751963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786945236482685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987764092010208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261898310951744,0.0993593408975308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710262416613696,0.31694049655220485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021863224410556,0.10898187367053536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283645668703023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465424162183723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941743302025111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121085254501122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058859134645495
bpd,GGppll,2019/06/02,"I think I have BPD!? Or something A girl recently broke up with me after only 2-3 months together. It’s killing me I’m pretty much obsessed about her (Oneitis). How do I get so heartbroken from being rejected after such short relationships? (Happened at least 3 times) 

Anyway, this triggered me into thinking what is wrong with me? Like how can I get girls to like me with ease but holding down a relationship is unheard of for me. I’ve never had a bad date in my life. 

I thought at first the most recent girl could have BPD (Split up with me, gave silent treatment not much closure, snapped at weird things, lovebombed, broken home, possible previous self harm, would sort of lie about weird things etc)

Anyway, this then made me start thinking I was projecting. Because I always lovebomb women, if I look back at previous ‘relationships’. I always sleep with them all really quick (Max 3 dates), I feel like I might mirror them? I’m not sure. I come on way too fast with my feelings and all of that. I’m also massively scared of abandonment. But here’s the thing I can be put off by a girl, overnight from one comment or something mundane. And if I feel like I spend too much time with them I start to feel smothered (But I’ve been okay with meeting them loads beforehand). I’m known for never being serious, like I cannot get upset unless I’m rejected by a girl, nothing else upsets me? 

I’ve also been single for 7-8 years, technically most of the short relationships never become official. I am reckless when it comes to sex, but I have phases of sleeping with loads of women then not at all. I’m also like scared of relationships as it makes me turn into someone I’m not. Like that’s the fear, the fear of being different. But when I do like them and I know they like me too I go in 100%. I can tell within first meeting whether I’m just going to try and sleep with them or it’s more serious, it sounds awful saying that. I also have really black and white thinking, I think. But I generally don’t do this with people? I can’t think of anyone that I ‘hate’. If I’m honest I’m probably not, but I’m just wondering why I struggle so badly with intimate relationships.

I might be narcissistic? But a lot of people say I’m quite caring and empathetic? My friends have said I’m bipolar sometimes, I do have mood swings but they don’t last for long, like I’ll be angry with someone keep it inside me for like 5 minutes then act like nothing happened.  I do suffer from anxiety. I have also abused several different drugs over the years, but have been clean for years. I also feel like I’m a good at manipulation. I just don’t know, this break up has made me start therapy as I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong. Or was the girl I’m dating actually BPD and because it’s fucked me emotionally, I’m question myself?? Fuck knows just need a vent 

I did have a 2 year relationship when I was 16-18. It was on and off, she was violent towards me, I was controlling, she split with me, I got upset. I then cut off my feelings for her, got back with her to then split up with her. I slept with someone on a break, I generally sleep with someone else as soon as I feel like I’m hurt by someone. I also seem to go for girls that are emotionally unavailable, but say all the right things to me. I also value sex way more than I should I think, I also feel like I’m used for sex sometimes by girls - not that I’m complaining. I also don’t close doors on women I’ve been with and can generally speak to them again whenever I want after, I ghost them sometimes to just pop up again in months or years, but if I get ghosted I feel annoyed. Who knows. Just would like some thoughts, I might be posting in the wrong place. I had a relatively normal upbringing (I think?) I did get bullied when I was younger for my looks - which is probably why I get insecure the closer I get to someone, but I’m quite good at keep it to myself as I’ve got older!? (I’m in therapy after this ‘break up’ - final straw)",2.7839361702127654,4.57501755319149,4.2483197747184,85.53227941176472,75.59574468085106,7.353316645807259,25.01658322903629,8.172558066119503,1.4868215269086358,3111,106,637,53,68,1033,300,799,0.159,0.7140000000000001,0.127,-0.9888,2,3,3,0,1,0,105.0,0,0,10,5,39,59,8,10,21,2,60,13,5,9,8,136,147,61,3,11,36,0,9,16,1,6,3,6,3,12,28,33,0,5,28,0,1,7,15,35,0,3,25,19,100,23,102,108,16,96,0,6,4,5,49,37,2,21,62,413,128,1,0.0,0.051318647953615217,0.04226709634219803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463727270576939,0.0720795264375944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033134213810917613,0.0,0.0,0.0302853537256162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660982046322744,0.07232884575544851,0.05280622605746412,0.04783564295830362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365306544871105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441603400418134,0.0,0.0,0.07462037494583934,0.0,0.0,0.04857904733990998,0.03458178853205104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050542493231656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022915828398485,0.0,0.07236466139859764,0.09744225921470333,0.0,0.0,0.048305280065886434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747800209560982,0.19710251786155591,0.1547135533396864,0.0,0.0474471130859396,0.0,0.07368378086701734,0.0,0.0,0.03346340260222818,0.08008406889007336,0.15840424527479915,0.0,0.07384707711025205,0.07265753186582039,0.1039237351760168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660282531019469,0.0,0.0,0.042762475015489056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344632283506699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046367304700119454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699690728158866,0.047919254248823456,0.0,0.09521444459752887,0.03530575589099079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030593148819476012,0.3385675526899109,0.0,0.0,0.03833051171893381,0.07274377539977846,0.0,0.0,0.03682303853651247,0.0,0.0819673370899283,0.02891166554886658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784427632334226,0.0,0.0,0.06914381169281825,0.0,0.09551979126372794,0.03211593150832268,0.10021662660963723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042437399517979216,0.08311970075967715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02934990997739545,0.03294137627787251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005535701768884,0.0,0.04525271246615828,0.0,0.0,0.04882873361414715,0.041481740168247565,0.044064742511235856,0.09339716194090136,0.0,0.0,0.0435413801166452,0.048520307706163536,0.0921371007949642,0.0,0.0,0.055494645137438216,0.0,0.08553243360320402,0.32551256139089485,0.0,0.03698893960187587,0.041200441520738734,0.1033323569023662,0.08672744320729027,0.0,0.0,0.03943039443811086,0.045184751613609145,0.04893119510838267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337653114757842,0.0,0.22019303754151973,0.06668870026239912,0.12851255666704384,0.0,0.09197118034624943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527999793606285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082185114221767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03785734240579868,0.0,0.09906404377322166,0.0,0.11510053915807705,0.22202501723159052,0.0,0.06877113400184609,0.05051214551724503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029406583895497482,0.04711194620696946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037408398200207284,0.0,0.0,0.025547042756716445,0.06875945295124841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816622546996392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093941882436937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061536415792228225,0.1420674153911839,0.0,0.1394602855573606
bpd,lilithsspawn,2019/06/02,"Does anyone else have a spontaneous urge to just walk somewhere? Does anyone else experience that? It's very spontaneous, and usually happens when I walk my dog. The second to last time I did that I had a 5km walk.",1.8342857142857163,4.4762976666666665,3.4193333333333342,85.50900000000001,84.23809523809524,7.1695238095238105,22.685714285714287,8.238735603445708,1.6559085714285715,170,6,33,4,5,56,31,42,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,2,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427530029302673,0.5022586929086311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289695203058644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094917501231312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397504698644208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673717802579265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978557889724388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291718133246034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26993811227167896,0.20222949032901846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sproutofhope,2019/06/02,"So sick of 'romance' I feel like objectively I'm 'good' at the whole relationship thing. People start dating me and they feel loved and we stay together for a few years and end it on fairly good terms with no obvious hard feelings. 

Except i don't think the relationships are very good for me. The person always seems to like me more or get more out of the relationship than I do. I always seem to settle for whoever cares about me most at the time and in the end I either feel completely unfulfilled or they start displaying abusive behaviour when they realise I'm not completely infatuated and under their control. I think the bpd and self-doubt is the reason I always end up with broken, insecure, manipulative people. It's like I'm a magnet for them. Yet, my fear of losing everything means I always try to be civil and try to stay friends with them afterwards. 

I've been in relationships, and I've been in love before but I've never been with anyone I truly loved and at this point I don't think I ever will be. I'm just tired of being messed about in below-standard relationships and I'm tired of falling in love with people I can never be with and I'm tired of feeling lonely all the time. Even when I'm feeling confident and back to loving life, I just feel lonely knowing that I'll never be able to truly share the amount of love I hold in my chest. I just ain't cut out for this whole romance thing",5.238242063492064,5.8795589750000055,6.195952380952381,78.34682539682541,68.17857142857143,9.07936507936508,26.984126984126984,9.150863307647796,2.05606746031746,1123,32,217,20,18,373,137,280,0.132,0.659,0.209,0.982,0,4,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,6,2,12,24,1,2,12,0,16,12,1,3,6,55,47,18,0,0,9,0,8,3,1,1,5,0,0,1,7,21,0,2,15,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,3,8,28,17,42,38,10,37,0,3,0,6,21,15,0,5,22,143,35,0,0.07703597844146268,0.09127503743671717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640042114744765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053865347301986055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923591227431969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555194368577001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702411807475228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854331419989652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154151545009895,0.0,0.086402400324305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469303422798746,0.0,0.0,0.050881537216969815,0.06968345289330234,0.0,0.0,0.0692349701146217,0.0,0.0,0.08668689302351734,0.2726619376051705,0.05503451839109725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951780584786715,0.0,0.040248119192908806,0.0,0.0,0.19384237130837265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900910527531896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233695908654316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441278979774872,0.11290766348677375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861835548358576,0.0,0.0,0.41716786937296296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391476439369898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824468707445262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022114315110692,0.06726484495887823,0.0,0.0,0.07282389985593211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920581616191505,0.0,0.41353905468006064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026132300820113,0.08036532643706179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905292408574463,0.16422020611103175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235856203904248,0.14808463322644086,0.0,0.0,0.08984059707228999,0.26562457430469744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460474517464023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356275007453349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201583763300032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960864439253655
bpd,ollielilbean,2019/06/02,"DAE go from eating disorder to eating disorder or is this just me (this is really embarrassing so bear with me) / rant I struggled with ARFID for a while (all I ate was bread. nobody could cook for me. no restaurants. no pre packaged, frozen, canned, jarred food, fruit, veg, with fear it would make me gain weight...figure that one out) (oh the bread was pre packaged I guess I allowed that? lol). I then started to struggle with anorexia, only ate one bowl of home made tomato soup I would make each week. I would have “binges” which weren’t binges, but binges to me—I would eat two handfuls of skinny pop popcorn, a bowl of tomato soup, and a slice of bread with mustard or a few bites of halo top. I would take laxatives as often as I could get my hands them, I would impulsively force myself to throw up. (I would throw up more than I would keep my food down). Now, I’m starting to struggle with orthorexia. I’m afraid of bread, cooked foods, will only eat raw, low sugar, low carb fruit and veg. I’m afraid cooked fruit/veg will make me gain weight? lol. I’m scared if I think of, smell, touch, look at, or are near carbs/sugar I’ll somehow absorb the calories. Y’all, I’m tired. Can I just pick one eating disorder and stick with it.",1.9211111111111128,4.2390966337448575,2.3802238683127577,95.30994074074076,80.60493827160494,5.20487242798354,18.773497942386832,6.360717304075467,-0.18372546502057616,954,22,204,8,25,292,135,243,0.147,0.8009999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9528,2,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,1,1,3,6,10,0,8,6,2,21,25,3,6,1,41,41,13,0,11,7,0,4,0,0,10,1,0,1,0,7,12,22,1,1,3,0,3,3,10,0,4,6,9,24,0,31,23,4,18,0,2,1,0,2,9,0,7,6,115,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225138327689502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062912174314391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455771799576009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024337393883598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231593007837806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046542298632101714,0.0,0.05062803918770134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813519530951498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893577195386354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918124707964029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480745729657408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429268394952427,0.1783911962803835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109525868510173,0.13550358560052586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057068983201552174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918783041593657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610710416492935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793873284724757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697948475998823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057080921714759925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238804122381848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702134847229327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145717485287029,0.2169586927676712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062572319088469,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jupiterino1997,2019/06/02,"Does anybody else have few friends? Hey all! I have just graduated from college and I have pretty much no friends. Just wondering if anybody else struggles with making and keeping friends. 

For anybody who has gone through this and has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it :) 

Have a lovely day!!",3.841593406593408,7.127918653846155,3.418681318681319,83.78346153846157,83.61538461538461,5.279120879120879,34.35164835164835,6.868970318607317,2.5857109890109884,238,14,38,3,7,71,38,52,0.069,0.5870000000000001,0.344,0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,1,12,12,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,4,10,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,1,28,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22794881283273324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863164690729434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043989732733806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041362104109515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897344221803048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5406716327543978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25718107591077305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734115650572224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053534582676112,0.0,0.15570958323002815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148034199500295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731952349704805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438645257349167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25297144049650233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570836502453265,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,niklaus770,2019/06/02,"Validation This is going to get a lot of hate but hopefully it will help someone, I understand I might be wrong as well, this is just my opinion/advice.
I see a lot of posts with people seeking validation for reprehensible things they've said or done and people here give it, I don't think that helps anyone here's what I think you should try instead.
Stop seeking validation for you shitty shitty behavior, hiding behind bpd and just take responsibility for your actions.
I believe people with bpd and the likes are NOT at all responsible for their feelings but just because we feel a certain way or want to, it doesn't mean we have to act accordingly to those feelings. Obviously this is not easy at all, specially for the people deep in it. Those feelings are yours so it's your responsibility to deal with them without hurting other people, and it's hard believe me it's hard, you need to constantly be aware of what you say or do and stay vigilant but it's possible to go about your day without proving all of those haters right and improving your life. 
Stop asking for validation, take responsibility and try to be better, everything is up to you. 
Think about what went wrong and try to avoid in the future, even if you are not at fault for how it went down there might be something that you can improve on. 
I apologise if this comes off in a bad way it really isn't meant like that. If anyone has something to add or correct please please do so.",5.161559139784941,6.567085827956992,5.879890681003584,77.75316935483875,68.85663082437276,8.734121863799283,29.003763440860208,9.120678840339163,2.3689453763440858,1162,42,219,22,20,379,144,279,0.16899999999999998,0.69,0.141,-0.8811,0,1,2,0,0,0,22.0,2,12,2,1,14,15,2,1,7,0,24,1,0,1,7,62,50,22,0,7,18,0,6,2,0,4,1,2,0,0,25,15,0,3,11,0,0,7,8,8,1,0,5,9,25,7,41,37,5,28,0,1,1,0,23,12,0,12,7,160,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554188540555203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367292242270428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140383085948113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163572282313418,0.059601040065514525,0.0,0.0,0.22031162973060275,0.0,0.08647158646825667,0.0,0.0,0.2462813860885429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422211335479526,0.0,0.10565703957777936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305499577845378,0.10079886944871964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000549306142339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457763162792397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787137025296488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977462960741141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051081951472362185,0.09379202605408436,0.11113241575667428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751694159883156,0.09652982903664528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106932116350942,0.0,0.0,0.09710987908455854,0.0,0.0,0.10466718762118828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690594130523783,0.095533139647187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624489640750964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106502614495558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744175701324893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249686499034699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33891474613854844,0.0,0.0,0.2146490823027856,0.0,0.11022349165108568,0.09363876354521346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263539008939359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349694480318517,0.09300377433230116,0.07775239655894634,0.0,0.0,0.07791180365938535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284208784003436,0.15053966901293134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421218143310182,0.0,0.16348391389138972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470250886059015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495552094991269,0.18794547919169247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914276582138615,0.0,0.0,0.10178433297210457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057668590716614815,0.15521408046735236,0.0,0.0,0.08790897105910063,0.18127166177614265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849786923249773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379715610351946,0.0,0.0
bpd,rebornassbitch,2019/06/02,"It's self parenting day, June 2nd! I wrote myself a poem to give my recovery process a little credit.   


Here Have I always been 

Frolicking with thorns, awaiting you.

Learning one thing, for each ten you learned. 

In the wait, I almost died 

Hadn’t you been my savior, a hundred times. 

I learned to love you, eventually, so did you. 

In this bravery of a love, we’ll hold our own hand 

and with a smile, 

walk  through a world 

that once upon a time 

tore us apart.",2.6163333333333334,4.565966133333337,3.3508333333333336,91.07625000000004,76.55555555555556,6.277777777777778,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.9066666666666668,352,12,74,4,8,111,70,90,0.036000000000000004,0.7440000000000001,0.22,0.9527,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,8,0,6,3,1,0,0,11,11,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,15,3,10,5,2,11,0,0,0,2,14,6,0,1,4,49,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540651930441481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111164144322318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362922358147122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633226116138955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24339255299113244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542953586018584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579866881872595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702048625188649,0.171928092887823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817274345787804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26468660989150994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856113189997324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958938154543126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051954372436824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DreadfulLove,2019/06/02,"Can you compare your splits with what I have been told are my OSDD switches? Thanks I apologize for being on. I’m diagnosed BP, OSDD, and CPTSD, not BPD, but I’m just so confused I want to post and ask. 

With OSDD, which is similar to DID, I go through a lot of periods where I just don’t think I have it...I’d like to know what I’m dealing with, but I just feel like I’m faking or just blowing everything out of proportion. I know there have sometimes been a mix up between a BPD split and a OSDD switch, and since I’ve always related a lot to BPD symptoms, I’m curious now as to whether I’m a fake and actually have BPD and am pretending I have full on other personalities. 

I will describe my experience in hopes that someone here can compare their own:

When I switch, my sexuality, perspectives, emotional triggers, and gender expression change, amongst others. I used to meet people for the first time who claimed I’d already met them and spent time with them. Switching can make me go from loving my outfit to suddenly feeling so gross and awkward in it, usually relayed to gender expression. I feel like I live in different worlds. Sometimes I feel completely stuck in the past, and everything around me I hardly even see, including my gf. Things that would trigger me in one headspace will be fetishized by another. Different people and environments trigger personality and identity changes. I don’t suddenly think I’m no longer me, but my idea and belief of what “me” means changes. 

I also have huge attachment issues...but depending on the personality, it’s a different unhealthy attachment. I’ve taken an attachment test and gotten several different results all of which line up with personality changes. 

Idk. Shit like that. On the bipolar end, I take meds and it seems to keep me closer to stable when on meds. I’m not sure that BPD gets treated with lithium and lamictal, so as much as I like the idea of not being bipolar, I probably am.",5.755516304347825,6.93888947554348,6.536126086956521,74.41974347826088,67.28804347826087,10.23582608695652,35.10043478260869,10.355215969177356,3.862515521739131,1549,75,278,40,25,511,191,368,0.10099999999999999,0.763,0.13699999999999998,0.8301,4,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,3,1,16,16,1,2,13,0,24,6,1,7,2,65,61,30,0,3,12,0,5,5,1,3,4,0,0,4,16,24,0,1,13,1,1,2,6,6,0,2,9,6,38,10,44,46,6,34,1,0,1,1,20,19,1,7,17,183,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0763749862331161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636696216870768,0.06258819400884008,0.06512243938868263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206728552398182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696721111759492,0.0731668613824946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928577901929345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33117439177436714,0.0,0.08205897245859284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806873939430913,0.0,0.07943694904041274,0.0,0.32707951013549724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803717134712072,0.0693192294310205,0.0,0.0,0.051693048062656816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406784005951025,0.07655782309998464,0.0,0.0,0.1582917881855458,0.11182453046435634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657185182252501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089003740194939,0.0,0.08895918237027495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701097331345614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773443404985794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670247516630028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956519660131966,0.0,0.0,0.08602438450532905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118071748945695,0.0,0.06910909959623104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307557436728293,0.07063688160513014,0.0,0.052242246318364265,0.0,0.0,0.08525312296428171,0.17386871440290058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057533506155661336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053034136821668486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471244238598139,0.10851767597935573,0.27335061427560603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495587841250917,0.0,0.08438250524352799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236677483649555,0.0712491770902767,0.0,0.08841675147298042,0.0803375150165106,0.06474130829442773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663133645563118,0.0,0.15481143482964901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376348480992093,0.08134691453856177,0.0588452594197869,0.0,0.0,0.07205555344158211,0.0,0.0,0.0519955405881876,0.10029762570619644,0.0,0.0,0.09127346688902273,0.0,0.0,0.07478520514283715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675955091500184,0.08619742959805489,0.0,0.04616250482513226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559694556394894,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Globally20,2019/06/02,"I wish someone would call me I am sitting on my bed, all alone. Its a Sunday evening and I have nowhere to go and no one to be with. I've put on some ""reading music"" on, I just drank a glass of soda, I keep checking my phone to see if I got a text but there's never any. Usually I'd read something or play chess online but I its hitting me how alone I really am. I try not to delve into my feelings too (because they come and go) but I can't help myself wishing for somebody to call me. I know my phone won't ring still I'll be okay. I'd like to believe that but I can't, not in this moment.",-0.9897493734335824,0.8449362406015055,1.7086015037594002,98.60525814536345,88.84962406015038,4.148170426065163,19.392982456140352,5.2151,-0.4899369423558899,452,14,112,2,15,156,87,133,0.086,0.828,0.086,0.2649,0,2,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,3,1,9,2,0,1,2,25,21,10,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,6,2,1,2,4,1,4,7,0,0,1,2,3,21,3,14,14,2,15,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,6,73,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648148678563814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976778973370165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736125206327304,0.0,0.0,0.19842717833428736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35967687422643024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171197568442416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163257449741433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890516755834079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018636062957376,0.0,0.14085942966204565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804967171487013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654374470456295,0.0,0.0,0.09679106754737417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604344382902812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583477194096694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934361981060855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770494668866862,0.0,0.0,0.3523357633660714,0.0,0.11282712342061485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034501381494138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492260917639232,0.13558595061976533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064983603427308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957406925799548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397154140913428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050591248190435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251107518978995,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Reddeadgamer,2019/06/02,"Anyone else into fitness but cant stick to any sort of routine because your idea of an ideal body changes about 10 times a day? One second I'll want to be just super ripped and defined, next minute i'll decide that no I want to be a massive bodybuilder and just put on as much muscle mass as possible, an hour later i just want to lift as heavy as possible and don't care how my body looks.",9.985325203252033,5.273734036585367,9.460243902439023,75.9209349593496,62.29268292682927,11.908943089430895,38.3089430894309,7.793537801064563,2.9586699186991865,309,9,66,2,3,100,60,82,0.071,0.7490000000000001,0.18,0.8228,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,0,4,2,2,1,0,16,9,9,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,4,3,13,7,1,10,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,5,38,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539688157807894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921746141694696,0.2040045735662288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137135338312795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423171427666556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029987990772701,0.0,0.2106245957333071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284049769397642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632502541465227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960763690946513,0.0,0.0,0.22476307541516502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719639197206798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636362926771246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174832123983114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349173596216856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489174800171564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015352838037026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609857248730532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35230836048898434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,katarina-stratford,2019/06/02,"I'm running out of fucks to give. I'm tired of trying to fight my brain.
Meds and therapy aren't cutting it anymore. I just want to stop fighting and let myself spiral.",0.843,3.161226371428576,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,85.28571428571428,4.642857142857143,23.035714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.4711428571428575,133,5,27,1,4,44,28,35,0.33299999999999996,0.6,0.067,-0.8917,0,0,0,0,3,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072169201583792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458151299695621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863851272562597,0.0,0.29716765630673186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31676938903133306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34409395363150325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589886026501943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542585832078065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35604468583514226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031919051575074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827153188468979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ActiveAmygdala,2019/06/02,"What’s your best strategy for coping with anger? I’m presently so angry at my sister. 

She got kicked out of her Honours program this year for “unprofessional behaviour” and “general misconduct”. She’s now trying to claim it was disability discrimination & academic bullying. She has also been talking for weeks now about intentionally hurting herself to bolster her personal injury lawsuit that she wants to take out against the University. It’s all bullshit though as the University was well within their rights to ask her to intermit from her course given that her supervisor withdrew supervision.

But the thing is... 2 days ago I was in the car with her and we crashed. We crashed because she failed to give way & made a right turn despite multiple oncoming cars within sight. I suspect it was intentional but she claims she just didn’t see the other cars. No one was seriously injured (thankfully), but I had a hematoma from hitting my head & the cars were obviously damaged.

Now we have insurance & my mum is willing to pay for the repairs if it exceeds what we’re covered, but this still leaves me without a car for the next 2-4 weeks. It’s presently my exam period so now more than ever I actually really needed a vehicle to go to Uni. I carry 2-3 textbooks with me daily, alongside my laptop and bag so catching public transport has been a real pain & by the time I get to Uni I’m already wet, cold and exhausted. 

I blame my sister, but do you think my anger at her is misdirected? I’ve blocked her now because she had the audacity to say after the accident that it was a good thing... TBH though, for the past 2-4 months all she talks about is her delusional plan to ruin the Uni, ruin the faculty & get 20K in compensation so I‘m actually thankful to not need to associate with her through car sharing anymore. But I still have this unshakable residual anger. I think it stems from the fact that I perceive her failure & reckless actions as now having a negative impact on my studies too. Whether this is the case or not - I view it as though she’s failed, and now she’s trying to drag everyone else down with her.

It really irks me. I can tell that I’m not my usual self anymore because of this negative affect that I can’t seem to shake. How do I get over this anger? Any strategies/advice/different POV to my situation would be so much appreciated.",6.3775790139064465,7.004492358407083,7.1787231352718095,72.34690265486728,65.68141592920354,10.439443742098607,35.61188369152971,10.371327730470783,3.815921997471556,1894,88,340,45,28,631,241,452,0.21,0.742,0.048,-0.9976,1,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,3,2,1,5,25,21,4,1,23,0,29,4,1,5,5,51,54,27,0,5,14,3,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,26,15,0,1,5,0,1,11,9,14,1,1,15,6,57,7,55,35,5,49,0,6,3,0,43,13,0,3,24,239,83,9,0.0,0.0,0.1663199332456236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554015330325138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403960701663806,0.06814838707624411,0.0,0.646331719380173,0.0,0.05795080787378354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902568086886127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966683924357808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584335250507314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894304865893441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495822401480347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903412781919343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118826874050546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708408844437661,0.0,0.08142895298960934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356784648730538,0.08174837084746933,0.04843105708801422,0.07147637817298066,0.06815620262931978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745771857943901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122707365639583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023300570680334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063483899358778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801977862397125,0.0,0.06264465222939168,0.12637536161320018,0.0,0.0,0.090629755565599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774556913827996,0.0,0.09067740581281937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134972615462124,0.0,0.07440861557114102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699614745173547,0.1091849981841964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145550522695084,0.0,0.06776835958863961,0.0,0.0,0.0679072975272965,0.07757879223238552,0.08890041571879531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957880167393328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361095774352052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407293867554681,0.13698916309434406,0.07448383265806469,0.15691361045619456,0.0,0.0,0.1132294127464963,0.10920783907726624,0.2511772209957228,0.0,0.049690997238755016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571414868160845,0.09269214621198996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093855013557283,0.0,0.05026347695521885,0.06764166819190659,0.13671264264519514,0.0,0.07662074772555635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821466086524792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053605199111067,0.0,0.0,0.054877262437255936
bpd,frukthjalte,2019/06/02,"Stood up by friend but don’t know what I expected Okay so this is going to be a long messy one, so I apologize in advance. 

Background: I’ve always felt like I just don’t *get* how to make friends. I feel like somehow I’m always the odd one out, whereas other people just naturally fall into social settings. I know that’s not exactly the truth, and that those people probably work to keep their friendships alive, but that’s my feeling, anyway.

I’ve been pretty isolated recently. This is in part because I’ve cut a lot of bad people out of my life, and lo and behold; apparently like 90% of my friends were toxic. But it’s also in part because I’ve just felt... uninterested in others.

But then a few weeks ago it started to dawn on me that I don’t like not being around people, even though I’m not nearly as social as most people are. I don’t feel well when I haven’t been around other people for this long.

So in trying to do something about this, I reached out to one of my friends, who I met on Twitter. She was going to a ‘tweetup’ yesterday (essentially where lots of Twitter folks hang out together), and told me I could tag along. I was excited about this since I’ve missed out on previous tweetups, and it makes me feel like they’re going to think that I simply don’t want to hang out. 

Anyways so last night my friend and I texted back and forth about when and where she would meet me up (she was already with those other people but I had to eat dinner with my mom and her friend before going out so I would show up later). Then I texted her when I got off the train and didn’t get a response. And I get that; you’re at a bar, it’s loud music and lots of people and you’re a bit drunk so you’re not going to text back in two seconds.

But I ended up waiting for literally 1,5 hours at the station. On the one hand, felt super embarrassed and weird for being such a doormat-ish. On the other hand, I felt like this was my shot at actually meeting these people (remember that I had missed hanging out with them at several occasions previously), and like I didn’t want to over-react and cause a scene because as I said, they had been drinking for a few hours and there were like at least 20 people there etc. 

So the thing is: of course I have the technical right to be upset about this. But I also feel like, what did I expect? Did I expect the entire group to be like “PAUSE EVERYTHING!!!!! SHE’S FINALLY HEEEERE!!!!”. Like, I know it was shitty but I also feel like there’s an explanation to their behavior (not an excuse), and I don’t know if that outweighs the negative emotions this entire situation created.  I feel like if I was to bring it up, I would across as self-entitled or oversensitive. Ugh.",3.0059456539803904,4.5646884972577695,4.358957536978561,85.95345043210905,74.44789762340038,7.31276383579857,24.13200099717467,8.00094639256281,1.2406932358318101,2116,64,437,32,44,700,234,547,0.085,0.726,0.18899999999999997,0.9957,1,0,2,0,0,0,75.0,0,0,4,3,37,32,1,2,22,1,40,8,2,4,2,91,81,50,0,11,19,1,13,13,6,3,1,2,0,0,34,33,5,2,17,4,0,11,15,8,1,6,27,15,55,24,75,45,11,71,0,2,0,0,28,38,0,8,34,310,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.06080185880804554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523068276728352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875643582354754,0.14947872554349498,0.1036874914218792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093144694386092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581923646340083,0.052023070520000936,0.1139438349965218,0.0,0.0530179831077352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802222807313897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400562557498464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974642702286256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103635114957578,0.0,0.06375479252121778,0.0,0.07008608349557212,0.05518479555181795,0.0,0.06948787762638124,0.041152654352955634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055996790783160236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22052719094600054,0.2225577917558328,0.2392948735064705,0.06825339141691904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888256714563308,0.0,0.09765724630760138,0.0,0.1770502330975002,0.0,0.04983195613769866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227181034298538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538060915385641,0.0,0.0,0.13696742189327227,0.05078786504319663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400870833320586,0.39571557742676144,0.0,0.0,0.11027804430691353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891149738703486,0.0,0.0,0.08317973831822507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729722628665534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058470143524672995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688811616512991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494307556877513,0.0,0.4319527071949312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338780007242191,0.06717661662191597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061519851154981126,0.0,0.07058077337547693,0.053209150326403165,0.05926745967813556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649989501442152,0.07038826590315278,0.0,0.05154032858285645,0.07003477401216265,0.0,0.12702663934975586,0.0,0.04796635312511744,0.0,0.0,0.04410064570123679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139346759214463,0.03992329411593496,0.061215520508197174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953623965504425,0.0,0.04230181670312493,0.0,0.060864099335773025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349961653770884,0.0,0.049978271594855066,0.0,0.05602075222211813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535965222069367,0.0,0.0,0.13278160040592246,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Seribeth,2019/06/02,"Because pwBPD evidently don't have enough to deal with... I'm so angry and hurt. Still. I don't want to be anymore. But he (The Ex) keeps lying about me in forums and I just don't know what to do about it anymore. Fortunately for me, I'm a self aware pwBPD and \*know\* I'm not as bad as he's making me out to be. But the lying is grinding me down.   


* I made him miserable on his birthday (Halloween) last year apparently.  Because I have BPD. Which is funny, because I remember sitting with him in his home socially entertaining his family on his birthday, when I could've been at home with my kids doing fun Halloween things.   

* I got him banned from a mental health support forum after he'd been a member on there for 14 years. I apparently stalked him (a little true, but only to see what he was writing about me) and then reported his account to admin, when I didn't. I think admin just cottoned on that he was purely there to verbally abuse me. Still.  

* I stopped him from doing what he loved with my ever selfish BPD demands. I stopped him from creating art (sculpting) and riding on his motorcycle. Yet I did nothing but encourage his art and had to almost side with his dad when his dad harped on at him about paying road tax for the bike and getting back out on it again. I loved riding with him, so why would I stop him?!   

* He suffers with schizotypal personality disorder. I think. I don't really know anymore. I think he suffers with a lot, but won't go any seek help, adamant nothing can be done for him. But rather than acknowledge any of this, it's blame the pwBPD because she's officially diagnosed and works hard on controlling her disorder on a daily basis. She is also openly BPD; promoting mental health awareness through her own art (fine art). He blames my illness for everything he can't or refuses to do for himself in life.  

* I was abused in childhood and after a very difficult period with my BPD mother over the last 5 years, I made the decision to go NC with her. It's for the best for myself and my children. He uses this against me, tells me I will be exactly like my mother - yet he doesn't even know her. Never met her.  

* Constantly jeers at me for meeting someone new and moving on pretty quick. Yeah it's not uncommon for us pwBPD's to do this. It isn't uncommon to fall hard and fast. But apparently I've done that with EVERY relationship I've been in, so therefore it's invalid and doesn't mean anything. He makes me question my own validity as far as this is concerned basically. Yet every relationship I've been in apart from him has lasted a number of years.  


I could write so much more. And this is all stuff that's been happening \*after\* the relationship ended. The situations I could recount whilst we were still together would make your toes curl honestly. As a pwBPD, I know I'm not perfect and have caused hard times for people since my diagnosis in 2016. But I'm talking to and making amends with those people where it matters and trying to move on with my life. I even started DBT last month. It's proving harder than it needs to be at the moment though because he's so bitter and angry. I wonder if he even realises how much he abused me in return. I don't think he does, and it's that I'm struggling to come to terms with. How someone can be so unaware of their shittiness - or worse, aware and doesn't care.",3.1923373205741647,5.154426043939393,4.426698564593302,83.9487320574163,74.92424242424242,7.41945773524721,26.4274322169059,8.261097354062574,1.7789393939393938,2639,98,516,46,57,867,288,660,0.154,0.768,0.078,-0.995,5,0,0,0,3,0,90.0,2,1,1,5,36,22,1,2,19,1,53,9,1,12,8,108,93,50,0,8,17,5,3,1,0,4,6,0,2,4,27,39,0,7,16,7,3,8,16,9,0,0,18,5,81,13,92,62,10,85,0,4,1,2,75,34,0,7,43,348,108,5,0.0,0.22955136623828845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466786451867088,0.0,0.0,0.0516448606853669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783366790171028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921389804344595,0.0,0.0,0.05314410293507362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965828180703856,0.05392187188501329,0.19683782635139974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777306432452983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253466225098846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658439429874051,0.06634178082294381,0.0,0.05563022962436951,0.0,0.0697883861971306,0.07243232322040194,0.1546863980452288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657947693246588,0.0,0.06554766807751729,0.0,0.0,0.14802928945125274,0.0,0.05651467554399035,0.13217618374576873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057198997406386176,0.06672873669861124,0.0,0.127964082102488,0.0584165991238268,0.1088234143063819,0.0,0.05804062982827191,0.0,0.06088058068627712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03374055312643865,0.0,0.07340497122425503,0.0,0.051650783542342524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057108166033400534,0.0,0.17355385266003676,0.0,0.0,0.1372917261149195,0.0,0.0,0.043286828972815834,0.0,0.12955865833713706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913457107131771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740195805167145,0.0,0.0,0.17745828201620004,0.21056632949950252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122998349955913,0.03155068356526453,0.06472644914777546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549038808968733,0.11657252513886075,0.1222149255433367,0.17243146735446413,0.0,0.0,0.07034690372853561,0.0,0.0,0.1301635515402747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051547397401413286,0.1372773253118509,0.09494793569950766,0.04788549094547618,0.04980832607287484,0.062372078034056526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393312263375438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911624547078169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895437285993911,0.0563890467526879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570140517299686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234474126129928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413718083587668,0.0,0.0,0.20800529402250648,0.07315691637298526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146215590389985,0.0,0.06737136096165734,0.0,0.0,0.053421510244917085,0.07259098846016412,0.0,0.06583150614272122,0.1094373956086655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045710284759801004,0.0,0.15472178725347338,0.16197612433488376,0.0,0.0675133751177862,0.07392901871939486,0.0,0.07328498482381145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190721708128737,0.05644604848291205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290429676814147,0.165521852441947,0.06344983910452487,0.0,0.03765730547432189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438457999108734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768217657411047,0.05577666376690903,0.0,0.05328552957898707,0.038091147513296265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058273696358675166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700346050941911,0.04701524403202332,0.0,0.0658128660245172,0.0917520166112006,0.0,0.0,0.1663504417321332
bpd,fillyourboots1983,2019/06/02,"Up's and downs I can't deal with feeling ok and relatively happy one day then horribly depressed and suicidal the next. It's a horrible rollercoaster that's becoming intolerable. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel hopeless. 

I'm burdening my parents with these severe mood changes which isn't fair on them and i imagine it is making them feel unhappy. I don't think they can cope with it but I find it difficult talking to others. I'm ashamed about my feelings. 

Can someone help me please. I don't feel safe.",2.9255882352941143,5.336696656862749,4.352705882352943,82.02317647058824,77.52941176470588,8.00156862745098,30.788235294117648,8.841846274778883,2.865145882352941,417,21,79,10,10,138,69,102,0.27899999999999997,0.624,0.09699999999999999,-0.9379,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,2,9,0,1,2,1,9,0,0,1,0,20,19,6,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,9,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,5,13,3,9,19,0,6,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,50,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051233059679835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284314083391444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880247309754372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333905302684962,0.21323631030713786,0.17814543545017686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.522906293274435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890421196225624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201781623915557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386361701883305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136703111349497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806300219513393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996982926055128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401557678780974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296641826387178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22704112938659826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336630411776467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752493975950354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22624233568379254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662449745580394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253058868923168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notthatmoody308,2019/06/02,"New meds (tw: suicide and eating disorder) After attempting suicide 3 weeks ago I have been hospitalized. They kept me there for 2 weeks and changed my meds from xanax+zoloft to tavor+olanzapine. 

A couple days after coming out of the hospital I started having symptoms of an eating disorder, like binge eating and purging. I've been bulimic before so I went to the doctor and talked about changing meds again. They gave me abilify instead of olanzapine saying it was the best antipsychotic for people with an eating disorder history but I can barely feel a difference and my nervous hunger (I'm not a native English speaker so I don't know if this is the right translation) didn't go away. 

Now, I know this is gonna put most readers against me but I'm not taking all the tavor I'm prescribed because I'm keeping it for my next suicide attempt. I don't need to be talked out of it, I am very sure I want to do it, expecially since when I tried 3 weeks ago all my anxiety was instantly relieved the moment I decided I was going to die. That attempt did not work because I was stupid enough to tell someone band they called an ambulance bon me, but I already have everything planned for next time. I don't want to live, I've tried too many times to turn my life around and it really does not work so this is my final decision and by the end of the summer I'll be gone. I just want to enjoy my final moments without being a fat ass looser. If anyone has any tips about antipsychotics and how to control my hunger they'd be very appreciated. I know people don't want to help someone else kill themselves but I really found peace for the first time in my life 3 weeks ago and it has been taken away from me the moment I woke up in the hospital with a tube down my throat, and now I want to live to the fullest before going away.",6.5393767313019415,6.209716919667593,7.0411897506925225,76.72976246537398,65.39889196675901,10.100886426592801,33.28545706371191,9.642632912329526,2.9944558448753464,1452,55,278,26,20,477,182,361,0.11900000000000001,0.778,0.10300000000000001,-0.8372,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,4,9,15,8,2,1,20,0,29,13,3,2,3,49,59,21,5,8,12,0,1,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,10,16,7,3,7,1,0,7,10,3,0,1,16,3,39,5,44,37,5,47,0,0,0,1,12,11,1,3,30,179,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637984236674486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564045488237514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277492861315208,0.0,0.059368588385421736,0.0,0.0,0.05426411230709728,0.0,0.0,0.06908603873398204,0.0,0.0,0.21874095159201795,0.0,0.0,0.09461613053152138,0.0,0.13207444905797486,0.0,0.08144299827314808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924468424818974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419429863440746,0.0668509346653891,0.0,0.0,0.08704203703571026,0.0,0.0858698678118103,0.0,0.05004962752898907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054306158015948,0.08108204030608301,0.2668305458513149,0.07943331149477466,0.0679137747217196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31764237730185624,0.06483008501031919,0.0,0.06873612538289825,0.08018802811823501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974751639148595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03924006473063831,0.0,0.0,0.17002776302165087,0.0,0.06601185834586155,0.0,0.08509127548049543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231630451362866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201785063755937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898002351039524,0.08585984558044311,0.0,0.12795113840443692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963121503604033,0.0379145061940551,0.0,0.13705552626411555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868058263089292,0.0,0.0,0.25860923119291723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057544069981940005,0.0,0.07495262453083074,0.16507030896339545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760483986337803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801574193459662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943313469155086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627533529446307,0.0,0.061715625212859886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419671310407328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315110908796317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493012127843471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546660083621388,0.0,0.07314299628243276,0.08066263521868143,0.05835026100070283,0.12475396924276635,0.06783130547420074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575853011591935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053791337905786,0.08441334260588701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806660984678242,0.2288709601717672,0.0,0.2490042924623161,0.0,0.0,0.07194179494780786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480968025310956,0.0,0.1129965857874252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,with__metta,2019/06/02,DAE feel like intimacy might kill you? That to even try to connect with another person requires such a wholehearted commitment and trust of one's soul to someone that it might kill you when (not if) it all goes bad again.  Like even the slightest emotional nick might leave you bleeding out.,8.19842767295598,8.484541169811322,6.8849056603773615,77.16748427672957,61.83018867924528,10.840251572327047,36.53459119496856,10.504223727775694,3.760187421383649,234,10,42,5,3,70,42,53,0.20600000000000002,0.612,0.182,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,5,6,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,12,4,3,2,1,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,3,6,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,4,4,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094081163240908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674534225420426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464125748273306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638065522147281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097685387626436,0.14266929955008578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418880111706685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145877120864087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951315614807624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6355663717082712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532528365952048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743747123656249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920940750248195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355865932870172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Speshoul,2019/06/02,"It's just too painful I've only ever met one other person than myself with BPD and i'm so convinced she was the only one in my life who ever loved me and genuinely cared about me in a family way. I never knew she had BPD until 3 years later which was after we didn't have communication anymore. I just.. I dunno, I wanted somewhere to belong and I found this sub lol. I've typed the same sentence over and over in different ways and kept deleting it for about 10 minutes now. I'm just so... tired that I can't even vent properly. All these heavy and just dreadful feelings that are here... I can't even articulate them anymore. I'm just so so tired. Just random words and phrases are scattered around my head so I guess I'll just type those. i will just delete this when i wake up after this stupid dramatic episode.

sad im worthless love me tired perfect fake liar liar lair hurting really sad empty void want to feel am i sad i want mcdonalds friends no friends e-slaves i miss the old me i wish i could love again i cant cut im not perfect i pretend to be perfect im so worthless i really dont like myself i just pretend to be what you want me to be and you fall for it every time you love this mirage and i think you love me but i forget that im a fake lol im so lonely now i miss my big sister i miss irene i could never lie to you no one cares about me except you i miss you i need you back im sorry for what ive done im sorry i dont know how to be the good person side of me i dont know if thats real i dont know if its just a lure or a trap but i like to be nice but i cant be nice and i just. i dont want to live alone anymore i dont want to be alone anymore im i just i feel so lost im doing nothing with my life i want to be a doctor i'll never be a doctor im too dumb to be a doctor im too stupid but no one has to know that yeah no one has to know that i can keep pretending to be people im not i can keep making fake lives and then i can pretend to be perfect always and keep meeting new people and getting into these relationships that last for 2 weeks tops before i start becoming a verbally abusive pig and a manipulative monster and just hurt hurt hurt. yess cry more about your abusive childhood as a defense for why you act the way you do blahblah no one cares laura/sam/des/azzy/mari/lia/female/male/trans/demon i dont even know what i am or what my name is anymore i used so many but i need to stop but i cant stop because why would i stop when it is the only way to get the adoration and worship that i want so bad lol no one will love the real me im so imperfect so trash so so stupid and pitiful and i mean if i was my real self that would make me vulnerable that would give me a lower ground and i need higher ground i cant be on equal footing thats not okay because then you'll get hurt won't you yeah i will so then dont do it i want to love someone that doesnt love me yes thats maybe thats what i need to stop being so horrible and start being nice again yes i just need to be used i deserve to be hurt and used i inflicted too much pain i need to be hurt i am too maybe being beat again is what i need maybe dad was right maybe it was all my fault it was all my fault",-1.2091066768078989,0.7869493453536762,1.4920782067916427,98.1735111031572,92.99445214979194,4.210645310426081,16.213159739310697,5.7783226492239725,-0.7112470702280285,2502,61,610,20,93,859,267,721,0.252,0.596,0.153,-0.9979,2,8,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,13,1,7,55,63,8,1,19,8,71,21,3,7,12,128,137,56,0,25,29,2,3,2,2,8,10,0,0,3,38,26,0,9,13,4,0,2,29,36,0,7,14,3,101,27,50,94,7,54,1,19,0,8,38,15,1,8,35,388,139,5,0.0,0.08904706692009276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783851003063517,0.0,0.0,0.031267729520360964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633533889474965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03345219785702143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02889499907365804,0.03137588296392738,0.04581414099010082,0.041501713992190735,0.0319759294548412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465581584730147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493917645117115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000561122368993,0.0,0.0412774350868601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039260789946491945,0.0,0.1153873735383782,0.0,0.03845512337432811,0.3523270969813074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445932278085396,0.0679825203831349,0.0316609067123373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035424993747657216,0.0,0.05700137538697669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412021044402379,0.058065010862872926,0.0,0.058898529058347374,0.03604803792572823,0.0,0.031518465315728834,0.0,0.0,0.04139616952364703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038565651199725166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815945912865289,0.0,0.5276759658975966,0.0,0.0,0.10020259246026372,0.0,0.0,0.12391061570102699,0.03063091227901339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308460528201279,0.036717217721470914,0.0,0.06636374969535219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102059409872379,0.0,0.271323363058762,0.0,0.050166929947730594,0.03809797849040239,0.15100775349503384,0.04093322692817448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027623997591617742,0.19504417315956213,0.08694691902522786,0.036292861360353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605690061542064,0.0,0.0394315667505054,0.0,0.17824576946694498,0.08573880221397259,0.07997083072997661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210341277987108,0.06562294926009428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831524710799527,0.048146585854393485,0.0,0.0,0.040344480714892494,0.0,0.03209122523072508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392018278067415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03183953743127424,0.0,0.0,0.08413051320643328,0.05319550285382146,0.0,0.0,0.12566685199453947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02407832892590292,0.0,0.0,0.02191191010243049,0.12957041655628304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736542964610596,0.0,0.0,0.1994791742391167,0.11930999456324247,0.03014263450091182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781621679322315,0.0,0.04321260114135437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008254630986206,0.0,0.0,0.02419886313440316
bpd,leanansidhe606,2019/06/02,"I’m looking for someone.. I met a girl on reddit whose name is butterfly-something, or something-butterfly, that frequents this sub. We really connected and then I forgot my password (which I’d never verified by way of email) and my phone factory reset and I lost my ability to log in and message her. She moves around a lot, works on farms for room and board, and I miss talking to her. If you are there butterfly, it’s me—former username: ratta. I’m looking for you.",3.252774725274726,5.311361681318684,4.795700549450551,80.93992445054947,75.04395604395604,8.066483516483517,30.05631868131868,8.841846274778883,2.743383516483518,367,17,67,8,8,123,66,91,0.048,0.924,0.027999999999999997,-0.1531,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,14,10,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,13,0,11,7,1,10,0,2,2,0,14,5,0,3,3,45,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27114498020819283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115489133320714,0.0,0.3324902065498281,0.2589470404225859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237253589905765,0.0,0.0,0.23491451631989396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512477363040392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807364836056124,0.23448420131671086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24481366381037595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417651767812008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217413067703817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nano-cola,2019/06/02,"First time dealing with being alone hi i’m not really sure what i’m looking for in posting this i’m usually skimming through and finding validation without having to insert myself in this subreddit. 

today i got out of a very unhealthy ‘relationship’ that i fully invested myself in and it abruptly ended. typically i have another person on the back burner when these situations come up and this is my first time navigating through not even wanting that let alone having it. just looking for some words of advice or suggestions with what i should do with myself because i feel completely lost. (it’s been all of about six hours and most of that time was distracted by a prior obligation that i just got home from) i am almost entirely incapable of being alone or not having someone to go to when these things happen. i’d really like to start learning how to cope with these feelings.",6.63952035694367,7.994492840490795,7.128968209704407,70.34423870607921,65.38036809815951,10.099051868377025,33.83658672615728,10.230975488527342,3.800391411042945,715,31,114,17,11,234,104,163,0.12,0.863,0.017,-0.9285,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,1,3,0,13,0,0,1,2,31,28,9,0,2,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,16,10,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,5,4,11,2,28,19,3,24,0,1,2,0,5,6,0,5,16,93,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973694821264418,0.0,0.0,0.14319282227390556,0.4443114510198297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994689880281467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995738879192136,0.0,0.08717085091739836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318095924381425,0.14993170982261794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474256692785582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665465190200434,0.0,0.0,0.0944494776106024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460916181660854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069847704197787,0.2432697186123234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126961572622482,0.0,0.22873869496498506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264535257206215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343963632786288,0.0,0.14082519031340582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462261454903155,0.0,0.06986207845284223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016625591241186,0.0,0.15610027888531602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486119357662295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695349423628975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832176165259503,0.0,0.0,0.15352738860683407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607368449017257,0.0,0.0,0.1211625716741142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121541403010174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477484629248548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500216819644026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501515655527126,0.0,0.13554631257384814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574931736864296,0.1179891345348488,0.0843445033584767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784591375462152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lyalee,2019/06/02,"How to stop the rambling that never ends? Anyone else who can't control the amount of apologetic rambling they do after a crisis? Like you know the more you talk the more damage it causes, but you just can't help yourself, you need to keep going until you are told things are fine. I am desperately looking for ways to trust giving time to people. It's a vicious cycle where the more you apologize the more you fear and the more you fear the more it triggers the need to keep talking. Help...",5.704375000000002,6.236885687500003,5.645833333333336,83.08250000000002,67.125,7.65,27.458333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.3704083333333337,390,11,74,3,6,122,61,96,0.221,0.662,0.11599999999999999,-0.9218,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,8,1,1,3,7,1,2,11,0,6,0,0,4,1,14,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,1,10,3,9,14,7,9,0,1,1,0,17,1,0,0,7,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524853478231275,0.1981886423075108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870263312161535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169446338110998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615832939058628,0.0,0.17131875652989215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353179122945904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555263762800575,0.10992892326332836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592998496479573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438533023900672,0.0,0.0,0.10630232552835618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449857726816976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624298188241403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28684708252199065,0.1491826933086701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409780707961394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171348838762048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109383132054856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850418897878824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278873827615095,0.0,0.0,0.1848276222495098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153533211933791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Apathetic_Doodles,2019/06/02,"Today was a bad day. I love my boyfriend very much but he is one of my worst triggers. I am so worried about keeping him happy that I often feel as though I am loosing myself and with a young baby to care for its like I have no identity at all outside of taking care of them. Its exhausting but I am scared that he'll leave and take her with him if I don't do things just right. 

We got into a fight today and at one point I just yelled at him over and over again that he doesn't love me as a response to him yelling at me. I've asked him everytime we fight to not yell at me or call me crazy or insane but he does anyway, and so it does feel like he hates me sometimes. 

I don't know what I am doing anymore. I feel like a child. I just wish he would tell me exactly what to do so that he wouldn't be upset with me and I would do it in a heart beat.",1.1404385964912294,2.133370763157899,2.8889473684210536,96.91096491228072,78.21052631578948,5.908771929824562,20.035087719298247,6.079149491110277,-0.25102807017543904,655,14,166,4,15,218,100,190,0.182,0.6459999999999999,0.172,-0.0189,0,0,0,0,3,0,10.0,2,0,1,1,11,16,3,2,6,0,18,4,1,1,2,35,34,18,0,5,10,0,3,3,0,4,1,3,0,1,11,12,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,2,6,32,8,23,27,3,16,0,0,0,2,24,11,0,4,8,119,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557872181745998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723117775594487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256561114160908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989156120613367,0.0,0.29932948653689284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466902265153557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569182227683051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266810525298344,0.2097371915053977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740337695082255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562633524348658,0.0,0.14492720931624675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394982661356606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047592420995913,0.0,0.0,0.0806733224463623,0.0,0.0,0.15543206889059166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514621124569755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649719359972018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079093822119218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989408024285912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876636588069374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535999822567248,0.0,0.0,0.14696490685598956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518154209662024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073939220422895,0.0,0.12830312055171536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752241845761596,0.0,0.14422289202545815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782842637418656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111919096169245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688041376874684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907491551380855,0.0,0.20855436942930786,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mtbmtb2424,2019/06/02,"Panic and Shut Down Around a Specific Person I normally have a healthy level of social anxiety. There is one person where I just shut down around entirely. My stepmom.

One year for my birthday, instead of shoving a hot poker down my throat, I told my dad I didn’t want to see him if she was going to be with him. He never forgave me.

To sustain any sort of a relationship with my dad- who is definitely not easy to sustain a relationship with- I have to have this relationship with her.

The problem is- everything I held back in childhood - it’s like I’ve been so far removed that I don’t have the same defenses. Now I don’t have the ability to keep my composure around her. I don’t know why that is. But I either cry non-stop or I shut down. I literally freeze and can barely speak. 

I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to cut tie with my father. 

Any opinions would be helpful.",1.6633028083028094,3.790872412087911,3.6544322344322353,86.87112332112333,80.37362637362638,6.901587301587303,24.3968253968254,7.984000788550335,1.4273909645909648,697,26,146,13,18,236,107,182,0.1,0.794,0.106,-0.2124,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,2,1,8,0,22,1,1,0,1,30,31,6,0,6,6,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,7,10,0,3,2,1,0,2,8,4,0,2,5,4,27,1,26,23,2,21,0,0,1,0,19,14,0,4,6,108,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318654586054872,0.0,0.1199109560458088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186139427922016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205286973061288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217911883212614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087401435297556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890828803927656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506414875327376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932385445137113,0.0,0.0,0.17228800336434166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657862195103614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089287905469945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153578689910612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124315238219588,0.0,0.0,0.1839087242369725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737307091633014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998562240025504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048625568385554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490699206557708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978373371665788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104743425370208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977838841095029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490677573231892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143970459180258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134850658275124,0.0,0.0,0.1009398699907858
bpd,SelectGuest,2019/06/02,"BPD and Careers What are some unique strengths of being BPD that you’ve been able to use in your career? I, for instance, find that I have exceptional interpersonal skills possibly as a result of having BPD, and I was wondering how to apply this to a career to let it serve me in the best way possible. I’ve never had a job where I could utilize my empathetic abilities but I wanted to know if anyone else has. Is anyone using the benefits of having BPD to their advantage in their career life?",5.9006250000000025,6.481879479166665,7.120833333333334,72.50750000000002,66.70833333333334,10.15,29.541666666666664,10.125756701596842,2.952179166666667,394,13,71,9,6,134,68,96,0.0,0.852,0.14800000000000002,0.9013,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,4,2,4,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,4,1,16,17,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,10,4,15,11,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,56,15,5,0.1469553746679352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550922970094535,0.15057314773002325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422059928787402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7403405999099807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733190880467742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227623586332485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431455012540658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583053377162514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076283070243125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027182712921658,0.10379892711471013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334104445539085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313402089746227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25384452062609714,0.0,0.0,0.08667808746161658,0.11664633620175707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593668351307896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LonelyLattice,2019/06/02,"Broke up with someone I think is BPD need advice/help We have a long history together and I definitely accept my share of it.  For me the hardest is the lying / deception and I thought she was just manipulating me and never truly cared about or loved me .  

I recently found out she never really separated from her former long term partner and in fact while we weren’t together they bought a dream home together and have been living together for quite a while.  During this time she has been seeing me almost every week , we texted every day / we’re always intimate when she comes over / told me she loves me and wants to work towards us being together.  

The red flags started popping up and I knew she was lying to me. I found out the extent of it and felt so incredibly used and felt like she has never truly cared at alI after all we have been through.  I was beyond devastated  and still haven’t fully processed it all .  I was so incredibly upset I ghosted her and moved on . She never asked why or messaged me, but we do have a long history of breaking up for a few months then getting back together.

She has told me in the past she has a diagnosed adjustment disorder but I am almost positive it’s BPD and after discovering what it was I realized I broke up with her the worst possible way imaginable.  Her having this disorder doesn’t affect my thoughts or judgement of her at all, in fact it was a positive revelation because things make much more sense now.

The more I read about this disorder the more things are adding up.  The compulsive lying , the extreme fear of abandonment/afraid to lose the solid base of another partner.  I have come to realize that maybe she did actually love me but the extreme nature of this disorder and our unstable rocky on again off again (for years and years)relationship was the cause for much of these  viscous cycles of lies and manipulative behaviors on her part.

My question is what should I do know I know.  I left her in a terrible way for someone with this disorder, and I know I’ll always love her and care about her and her safety .  

Even though I just found out about this disorder it’s been a couple months since we broke up  should I just let it be forever or should I reach out- she has had a suicide attempt before and i feel maybe leaving her the way I did might cause more of those feelings.  I really wish I knew about this disorder while we were together because I would approach things much differently. 

I know she is with her former partner now so maybe things are better for her and she’s finally in a good place and me reaching out might cause her more pain/anxiety?  If she reaches out to me again do I bring this up?  I do think we truly love each other but it wasn’t until learning about this have I seen how my behavior has made things much worse .

Any insight  from  someone who suffers from this disorder would help .

Thank you",3.8524759326113127,5.993543662454876,4.7794810469314095,81.35306031889294,73.5667870036101,8.371179302045729,26.88462695547533,9.075114841892004,2.3288099879663053,2295,85,429,52,48,745,240,554,0.16699999999999998,0.716,0.11699999999999999,-0.9857,2,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,10,1,1,5,24,23,0,2,25,0,53,6,0,10,9,110,96,41,2,9,12,0,4,1,3,7,1,0,1,3,31,42,0,0,25,2,1,5,8,9,0,0,31,7,87,14,66,55,18,73,0,5,3,5,57,29,0,10,36,333,118,3,0.0,0.0,0.05736266836136169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772319104684342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782252220992554,0.0,0.0,0.039973717021971014,0.06163796178582012,0.044968003074120716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495315431829073,0.0,0.0,0.04519966323103305,0.0,0.07166581797399822,0.0,0.050019079051492096,0.0,0.0,0.051987825790833636,0.0,0.0,0.14806752504993492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979623582619894,0.1811556527265332,0.0,0.10127082746266663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504106944008138,0.0,0.03790947141897736,0.0,0.0,0.05966240503841555,0.0,0.061414588705889415,0.538953325652711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03882489960201635,0.0,0.09905259504170877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614599523786217,0.05944380351375617,0.0,0.11287971074092648,0.06439271320219676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335400292222668,0.0,0.0,0.030711123765213406,0.0,0.0,0.04930348030807482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880055534395387,0.0,0.058963052208071326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292200099207303,0.0,0.0,0.06224155915171298,0.06386672120985183,0.06010848933709762,0.0,0.028717873836237195,0.0,0.051905506716438635,0.15606043155081892,0.0,0.06576192557977739,0.0,0.0,0.2652648604890316,0.05562086801381855,0.039237383832267166,0.0,0.17716299936152646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471664237718308,0.0,0.0,0.09383832537878366,0.062475871572273675,0.1728458803619433,0.043586044172825626,0.18134494248863225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254810059149944,0.0,0.0,0.06365508426273259,0.056113987922345655,0.0,0.0,0.061414588705889415,0.0,0.0,0.06626777553245898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584919619759105,0.06252180081036572,0.058797820903395664,0.0,0.07531439820417002,0.0,0.05804004825879688,0.0631097767781721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046841574685121214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862500643389527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494171741265893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416061410534905,0.0,0.04694331219872706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429787287825965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054118488519892594,0.0,0.0,0.19526045752245733,0.07533015355650423,0.05775293174121177,0.09333254692123744,0.034276206580031755,0.0,0.0,0.11233727513484988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070740453419715,0.05076870013769814,0.0,0.0,0.03467109567694625,0.13997504102547026,0.04715130548591677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304153415687165,0.0,0.06759629975924765,0.0,0.0,0.04279393325024553,0.0,0.05990379192208858,0.08351396988944146,0.0,0.0,0.037853625170939084
bpd,_gansmadchen,2019/06/02,"in need of some advice hi everyone! so I've been going through some hardships lately, and I'm starting to think that there may be another underlying issue going on. I know better than to seek a formal diagnosis here, but I just wanted to know if it's a good idea to bring this up to a psychiatrist/therapist.

I've been getting treated for depression and anxiety for the past two years, and have been dealing with these issues since childhood. But what I've noticed lately is despite the therapy and shifting of medications, I still don't feel right. Lately, I've noticed that my mood shifts have really gotten worse and it's impacting daily life. One second I'm a sobbing mess, the next I'll be incredibly angry, and then I'll be exhausted or feel empty. These mood swings lead me to be a bit more isolated since I can't predict when they'll happen or control them like I used to. I get extremely frustrated with my family and close friends, S/Os, and especially myself. Just today, I was crying all morning, then felt extreme rage with my sisters and almost cursed them out, but about an hour later I was all smiles and giggles. I cannot stand the impulses either. I used to be amazing at budgeting, but for the past few months, paychecks have been flying by on impulsive shopping sprees. I end up regretting what I've done but then I'll get super overprotective of keeping what I've bought. I either sleep too much, too little, eat nothing or indulge for a short period, get super into something and get extremely bored, all within a short time span.

Luckily, I've been doing well in college, but I'm extremely worried about the new semester. I keep pushing people away when my mood is low but then want to be surrounded by friends and whatnot. I just ended a new ""relationship"" yesterday but we're still choosing to be friends (he also suffers from mental illnesses and thankfully is reasonable and has experience of seeking out help under his belt). That was also a bit of an impulse-- we had only known each other for about 2 months when I had asked him to make it official. We were saying ""I love you"" and everything, and yesterday I talked it out with him and my sister since I got this huge wave of confusion and doubt.

​

This has been incredibly frustrating!! My mood keeps switching and it has been messing my thinking up completely. I rarely sleep now, my medications don't do anything, talk therapy doesn't help, and I'm no longer able to hide this frustration very well. There is a history of mental illness in my family as well-- my father and sisters have depression, and my mom has paranoia schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. is it a good idea to mention this to a professional? could it possibly be bpd?

​

Sorry for the overload of information/questions. I'm really at a loss.",6.922420540796964,7.517510309297914,7.35729067836812,71.64711248814044,64.50284629981024,10.686171726755221,35.25432874762808,10.550175099000144,3.9213074478178367,2251,99,383,54,32,738,276,527,0.183,0.6859999999999999,0.13,-0.9853,0,0,1,0,0,0,74.0,2,1,3,6,24,38,4,2,22,0,45,11,2,6,3,86,82,46,0,6,17,5,3,1,3,2,7,1,0,0,21,35,1,4,12,1,3,5,6,17,3,3,18,4,41,17,59,53,13,65,0,7,0,1,29,27,1,10,33,261,62,3,0.0728505601663864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118872425389419,0.0,0.0,0.07294931276502256,0.0,0.0,0.11651713328975352,0.0,0.15786710300727422,0.17704280898665592,0.0,0.07639016429181082,0.05573047912653378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994980374692786,0.0,0.06810543965282755,0.0,0.0684454993701155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644304003291919,0.15906788714406844,0.0,0.09175273027480632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638242629454703,0.0,0.08170809783546734,0.05816524438882718,0.0,0.08002291954400756,0.0,0.07510572867418204,0.12549216144467418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349305342722207,0.0,0.0,0.07455141622446257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454431021249686,0.0,0.0,0.1290479462311442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961183218115198,0.06547338604631145,0.07126182676923351,0.13735404918209915,0.0,0.07367086426908101,0.0,0.06994796225315131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885248621276644,0.0,0.19030705445475116,0.0,0.08280530436875047,0.12220718699229725,0.058265247990382636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442150976246584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766038971125388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174312713604894,0.0,0.0,0.1644788300543802,0.0,0.1520741152879432,0.0,0.19425877547079476,0.0,0.0,0.0800735253214106,0.0,0.24653581504419864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145650509253874,0.03559110387336545,0.07301539981557824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575047482593127,0.0,0.048628314604933526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467785501999818,0.1468324600262027,0.0,0.0,0.08532169559209035,0.11629724417984835,0.0,0.053553544015179685,0.054017767277279416,0.0,0.14071904993853973,0.07747739720853766,0.0,0.0,0.06990207727012061,0.1658816911993852,0.0,0.0,0.049365424956059466,0.0554061337785044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908820578304065,0.050505405678405516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212806058979627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333986857558547,0.07490250909470729,0.0,0.0782142380576436,0.0,0.06221398033339585,0.0,0.057933689451690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807882085596544,0.0,0.145806343939376,0.0,0.0,0.05608392037243234,0.0,0.0815502377430617,0.051564001445543683,0.0,0.11635710290756215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171090414631363,0.0,0.0670710080197709,0.16662192907907308,0.08458511530960887,0.0,0.09335939475585517,0.0,0.0,0.04247974748170584,0.0,0.06905381284531799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116441168215137,0.0,0.0,0.1258389872746451,0.0,0.060109341665134076,0.08593829575812849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965042077704136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398328009930842,0.07424094460702177,0.0,0.0,0.17704280898665592,0.046913372247715836
bpd,hypopi,2019/06/02,"Why should I live? So far, life has mostly always felt difficult and unnatural, like I was born with missing pieces. My relationships are rollercoasters made in hell, friends are leaving me because of my mood swings, I can't seem to find a job I won't loathe after two weeks and I don't know how to give my life a meaning. I'm fuckin tired of everything, of my head constantly spinning, of my anger I can't control, and I want the pain to go away. But here I am, asking for life advice on Reddit (lel). Do it really get better someday, folks? How did you do it? How can I stop feeling so empty, so unlovable?

(I'm a French Canadian, so sorry about my possible poor English skills.)",3.16258585858586,4.828685622222224,4.4052525252525285,85.33818181818181,74.25925925925927,7.575757575757577,26.346801346801357,8.296473431620573,1.7006296296296304,529,19,107,9,11,174,95,135,0.24,0.6729999999999999,0.087,-0.9708,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,3,9,11,3,0,4,0,14,7,1,5,0,20,28,11,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,6,0,1,1,4,7,0,1,4,2,17,3,14,22,2,10,1,1,0,1,5,4,2,2,6,66,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808959059034775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312900251775187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608093920519048,0.0,0.16161233520412846,0.0,0.0,0.10485782629101303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213195244629826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588547264093516,0.1929277544586492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545946323723628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697518843898587,0.0,0.16515992470701055,0.0,0.15721721261106045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289719486305526,0.0,0.08986994838021492,0.1650110126375434,0.09775922982136467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176535465553064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706968456637908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945341149842665,0.0,0.0,0.1821374480084796,0.0,0.0,0.3644946428608816,0.08403710196288962,0.0,0.15189106217399356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276332235444288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873731169462528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830344800930304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939193632868476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101962456769885,0.0,0.0,0.18467811287861555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659461996311835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255501792514448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381097901441706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977042013388922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680321841643543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014580124971536,0.0,0.13797884514010847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521541878857845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PestoPastaPenne18,2019/06/02,"Steps to treatment So I made a post some time ago (a week) about my severe need for diagnosis, identity, and validation/attention. To put it simply, I’d seek these things in the diagnosis of mental health conditions I saw fit to play a certain role I wanted. It’s so severe that I’ve wanted to kill and hurt myself over many times as well as even became so stressed from it that I became psychotic which is I why I was misdiagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar (I am bipolar though). Ive disclosed most of the severity of this symptom to my therapist recently and I even told her that a part of me views diagnosis as a sick “advantage” over people in life, I have no idea why. 

Instead of choosing to stay this way, I decided I’d take some small steps to coping.

1) instead of bombarding multiple subreddits and forums with validation seeking posts, I’ll try not to do it and if I DO need to (guilty cus I already have since last appointment) only limit myself to one post.

2) ruling out the unrealistic and accepting it. Instead of latching onto 3 diagnosis at once based on contradicting information or overlapping symptoms, I’ll just make a chart and categorize the most troubling symptoms as well as the most prominent ones under the disorders I feel are possible and the ones that match up less, I’ll rule out. 

3) focus on life. Rather than worrying about diagnosis, I’ll focus on life itself. I have a shit ton going on this summer and I figured I keep all my attention to that instead. 

Even as I’m making this post, I still have the yearn to seek validation and make more posts but I’m trying to control myself. Thank you and I appreciate any comments!",5.169921325051759,6.696896733333336,6.458605935127674,73.15105590062113,68.96825396825398,9.92270531400966,31.47342995169082,10.176274734539398,3.4415479641131803,1321,56,234,35,23,446,174,315,0.076,0.858,0.066,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,1,0,3,18,13,2,1,15,0,11,11,1,5,2,49,28,24,1,7,6,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,18,15,0,3,9,1,0,4,2,6,2,3,4,3,28,7,47,24,10,36,0,2,2,0,6,17,1,7,8,163,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545617675595789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638402131663063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555790879761758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812509036959406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048713880514599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910214573580937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874467199530615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478851702056439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247276100756038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320229163440424,0.10882818738068374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568815172257818,0.10665655215187657,0.0,0.0,0.07858198658300984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427862392921187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121963290254076,0.19305091112635667,0.09773835030776393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715238409718246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296443371330705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266693042900156,0.19597718619966745,0.07331945523801141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439595112726696,0.0,0.06683427588936197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868083101178984,0.4616410932265205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969124739517346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518714980316116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267266557925826,0.09895714397534056,0.07974624264550549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275365360002513,0.07698822148790238,0.0,0.1104302591406998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006014686521414,0.07248368097361947,0.0,0.0,0.08875569246417539,0.0,0.11193227451201357,0.06404641959616872,0.0,0.09471627143916543,0.0,0.1124276946107837,0.0,0.0,0.09211798885021764,0.0,0.13090374205628078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372295086060727,0.07652087135526936,0.07732933574917071,0.0,0.17335723782617685,0.0,0.17397892004041868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097902766781879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JanettieBettie,2019/06/02,"Random Downvoting? I just found this sub, and after reading (and contributing) helpful comments, I’m noticing people are being downvoted? It’s like there is someone just randomly downvoting every comment in a thread. 

I realize that some people have a real problem with those who have BPD. I certainly hope this sub is a supportive, safe place.",6.5830508474576295,9.297201542372887,6.812000000000001,67.24105084745764,67.47457627118644,10.143728813559322,37.22372881355932,10.355215969177356,4.968468474576272,277,15,37,8,5,89,46,59,0.043,0.701,0.256,0.9074,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,15,10,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,3,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,2,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32848946723203265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974929453455805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859720179950922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481991701957664,0.0,0.0,0.25904980437283426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742185125767294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969415090015949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616348800509224,0.0,0.27249790955131376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24956633041130635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26088725203514035,0.296866472020755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098911924410425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29597166781898937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GreasedTea,2019/06/02,"Anyone else sick of being told to “get over” their childhood issues/trauma? I had a few shitty things happen in my late childhood and early adolescence, but one of the things that’s stayed with me is the bullying. I was bullied at school for almost a whole decade (from 9 to 18), most days, and for 6 of those years I was at boarding school so couldn’t escape it. I was constantly harassed, insulted, mocked, and sometimes physically attacked. I’ve made a hell of a lot of progress in recovering from the huge impact that had on me, but there are still some situations that take me back to that time and make me feel uncomfortable. 

I was out with my husband tonight and something happened with some strangers which triggered a fearful response in me. I confided in him about it fairly calmly and said it made me feel intimidated and vulnerable. Instead of being comforted I was told to basically get over it as “lots of people were bullied” and “you’re not at school anymore, you’re 26”. I tried to explain how much those experiences had affected me and somewhat traumatised me, in the sense that minor things can make me feel scared and put me back in the same place emotionally, but he literally rolled his eyes and scoffed. I’ve been told by therapists that it’s valid for me to feel traumatised by my experiences, but apparently not. 

I’ve tried to explain time and time again that telling me to “let go” of things doesn’t make me more likely to be able to do it, but nothing seems to get through. I’m now scared that I really am overreacting by thinking of what I went through as a trauma, but that’s honestly the only way I can think of it. I also witnessed domestic violence between my parents as a child and was effectively abandoned by them when I was sent to school, so my childhood wasn’t exactly all roses and sunshine. 

We’re now having to look at couple’s counselling because I can’t deal with the lack of understanding anymore. I don’t know what to do because part of me feels that I don’t deserve sympathy because my experiences weren’t as severe as some people go through. I’m sleeping in the spare bedroom for now because I feel so disconnected and unloved.",9.823030789825973,7.540424910843374,9.296124497991974,69.47843038821958,60.13253012048192,12.402945113788489,41.60977242302543,10.864195022040775,4.387840696117805,1738,77,322,33,18,559,204,415,0.214,0.72,0.067,-0.9973,3,0,1,0,1,0,33.0,0,0,2,2,16,16,5,3,15,0,31,3,2,9,2,64,66,32,0,2,8,2,6,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,26,20,0,1,14,0,0,5,9,11,0,1,22,10,41,5,65,39,15,44,1,1,3,0,18,17,1,9,21,232,67,4,0.08748645512666335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760504741709314,0.0,0.0,0.06996288655680702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352611034777485,0.061172563585964165,0.08964021194821549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952847266131604,0.0,0.1345433675516211,0.0,0.2133237241011816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454177785933933,0.0,0.0,0.096802098578682,0.0,0.056421525982844965,0.09019469371823648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730837072416002,0.09841048666256184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567356213453197,0.0,0.09844658469983107,0.26541468231537263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712418580022226,0.0,0.09944113714926467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472796668010674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048080267769153216,0.0,0.0986885320246377,0.0,0.0,0.08946082775569597,0.0,0.0427414628633466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346658827963719,0.0,0.0,0.14875571120689535,0.0,0.16556359834967646,0.17519366442151593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431261083864097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394561321677628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059283086161081876,0.06653739141448074,0.0,0.0,0.09714335509422327,0.09473930540936136,0.0,0.12130418482565047,0.0,0.0914047250645773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794805132334378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560460633728554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321965302209486,0.0,0.17517840743456975,0.3541638530684352,0.0,0.07964438298585226,0.0,0.09883479226372666,0.0,0.0,0.09833844110114807,0.08754963679826844,0.0,0.0,0.06735134735798619,0.0865263411431352,0.0,0.0,0.09324892072177206,0.0698667960750145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577892643157174,0.0,0.07646701790230513,0.0,0.0,0.10157851741999592,0.23248845346887115,0.11211557579387263,0.0,0.0,0.15304216659537842,0.0,0.0,0.2507911710695879,0.0,0.11879512053853078,0.0,0.0,0.09107648516240954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694426759202525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110082039170438,0.0,0.0976755028274887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633840874546881
bpd,oblbious,2019/06/02,"Comfort in bad habits Apologies in advance for spelling mistakes and format. I’m impulsively sharing via phone. 

I am having a hard time getting the courage to write out how much I find comfort in my bad coping mechanisms and impulsive habits.. I am diagnosed with bipolar, ptsd, and bpd. When things out of my control happen and change my life I take that as a “fuck it do what you want” card. I’m currently on week two of a mixed episode and I’ve successfully pushed all healthy people out of my life because it doesn’t feel right. I don’t deserve understanding or love. I don’t even know who I am and have to force my understanding caring personality for the people showing me love and care.. I just don’t have the energy for it. 

Since I’ve been free of trying to be a good person to a human who fell I love with me I’ve gladly been over spending on alcohol and having sex with men who I don’t have a connection with. It feels nice and comforting to be a sex object with someone I know won’t try to give a fuck about me.. 

 Also still recovering from an awful cover narcissist engagement so any sense of identity I had when I was with that demon is gone and I have to find myself again... Uhg 

My bank account and my impulsive sexual choices are obviously for the millionth time hurting my ability to grow. I don’t feel like growing. The FUCK IT personality I get when I’m like this is like a drug. 

Does anyone else do this? I use to have a blog for my mental health rambles I’m afraid of sharing due to judgment but I manically deleted it two years ago and haven’t had the fucking courage to share my bullshit with the internet since.. I’ve chosen to isolate for now since I don’t want to fuck uo or be the me family and friends want.",2.9432569245463216,4.821478879656166,4.432386819484243,84.00481709646613,75.38968481375358,7.518662846227317,27.10611270296084,8.344100000000001,1.8769987774594084,1375,54,276,25,30,458,176,349,0.087,0.742,0.171,0.9567,1,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,3,13,33,5,1,19,1,32,17,0,3,2,46,63,23,0,4,4,0,4,3,1,1,7,0,0,5,15,23,1,1,9,2,4,6,9,10,0,2,6,4,35,24,44,53,2,29,1,1,0,10,20,10,5,2,16,176,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624642272381353,0.10397909804794672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780702504175141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616414786722061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803114366838763,0.09969054393059644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247504128689022,0.059310318513171034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254003820000815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839810788066548,0.0,0.10292553812279474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912496445631582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875269259813987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514378230327244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283167152410167,0.0,0.081277747665172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642626352907309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917213601344015,0.0,0.1475862978909026,0.06950778960720097,0.0,0.0,0.17785230317165368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517011591446955,0.4497397360428866,0.10166556854611468,0.09333452794026098,0.0,0.08160669070827416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603792218009207,0.0,0.08715748789461553,0.0,0.0,0.1034203658417026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415664271742132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694191684875927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744511102379667,0.1426007231117854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26343845047575515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980507893700934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715232485149041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490463602777591,0.25486353808734497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373301192110565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308966396744075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414510600028883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243800126118009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770016103297392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315396530880935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463868134672658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346735652539518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321142590518235,0.0,0.1900867625386932,0.2025757000747086,0.0,0.08403190979440259,0.0,0.0,0.1721618857581221,0.0,0.07804442970834992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265499032135953
bpd,CoffeeTilCocktails89,2019/06/02,"DAE portray one emotion (anger) while not meaning to? I tend to always give off a angry vibe when talking or asking things ( so I’ve been told). However I have ZERO feelings of anger, I am feeling as if I am asking /talking in a normal tone. But always told I was being bitchy by tone and my body language. I have ZERO idea how to even begin to fix this because I have ZERO idea I’m being this way I feel I’m just speaking/acting normal!",1.3633333333333333,3.4532384444444446,3.518888888888892,87.64500000000002,81.22222222222223,4.4444444444444455,22.222222222222207,5.033348758259628,0.2355555555555555,340,11,65,1,9,116,61,90,0.126,0.856,0.018000000000000002,-0.8777,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,0,15,22,9,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,4,3,9,0,9,16,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30042498549872665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33753577839166915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004726641268424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052422211725104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030679914142164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923603722764978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738388369850888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731774490380303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407584843548186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966462594974332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537552413258632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232941467757835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29020069225352146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993377147600665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34500157520912306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432935167357392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,missingperson00,2019/06/02,"Quiet BPD? I have what some call “quiet” BPD. I’m tortured internally and react with rage against myself (binge drinking, punching walls, cutting) however my relationships look normal because I undergo immense pain to keep them looking that way. Can anyone relate?",6.20093023255814,9.884588162790699,6.150046511627908,66.28739534883721,74.34883720930233,7.1609302325581385,36.50697674418605,8.238735603445708,4.081292093023256,213,12,25,4,5,67,39,43,0.22699999999999998,0.773,0.0,-0.897,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113606681516633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919835364483736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6165123510829448,0.0,0.2499188322015767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397634704224989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175465406229958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411059541189184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398046826584665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604330459257231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627717107090784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427249291934284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Scubazu,2018/11/13,"Is there anything you can do about your “personalities?” You know, not like, multiple people with different names and such, but just different versions of you. Is there anyway to stop it or at least tone it down? I frequently smoke weed and whenever I do, it doesn’t go away, but all the personalities work together and create the “real me.”",5.129354838709677,7.229255161290323,5.994387096774192,74.17158064516133,69.96774193548387,10.121290322580649,28.529032258064518,10.355215969177356,3.2553767741935484,268,10,48,8,5,88,48,62,0.07400000000000001,0.884,0.042,-0.2651,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,14,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,7,8,3,6,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961090932939546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26214987151950675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5830361336753398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857434090750033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334291201246544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631580445030553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934383667513336,0.487261599538919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175875373682934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332744565822031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031309654003355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MajesticPhilosophy,2018/11/13,"Difficult Past Few Days I really don't wanna post in detail but the past few days have been tremendously difficult but I haven't cut or had any alcohol to cope with that so I think that's good. I hope everyone reading this has been doing alright. If not, I hope better days are just around the corner for you!",1.7626036866359414,4.283264338709682,3.28041474654378,87.31919354838709,83.03225806451613,7.4138248847926285,20.147465437788018,8.418075326091056,1.3584949308755765,247,7,49,6,7,81,46,62,0.12,0.643,0.237,0.8559,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,1,0,2,1,9,1,0,0,0,12,12,5,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,5,6,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,5,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460255981288276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655140657414646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493663985261196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360296361264907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454012422608588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199765213652939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309010435500554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573030283176378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395249875261524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047854729516572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302733458802944,0.0,0.14747909192016914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750994372421372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Par1ty,2018/11/13,"Asperger's and BPD I have Asperger's and I'm interested in a girl with BPD, I wanted to see if anyone has had similar relationships and if it worked out? 

I haven't had a romantic relationship in my life, a few sexual hookups but nothing major. I guess my biggest fear is lack of communication (especially non-verbal ques).

",8.503010752688175,7.2353204838709715,10.360322580645164,57.5938172043011,61.903225806451616,14.718279569892475,40.021505376344095,13.5591,5.785627956989249,258,12,46,10,3,94,46,62,0.157,0.8109999999999999,0.033,-0.7923,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,10,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,6,8,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,3,0,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030482674355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6135178346119076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740759511776589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683119685783091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203566306156773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337051494445525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5229907581520964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940880788068534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436596953732339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731667530312847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,roxyreid99,2018/11/13,"Need some support I started my first proper job a month ago. I thought I had this shit under control and was doing well but i don't and it's not. All the negative self hating thoughts are back. All i can think about is self-harm to varying degrees. I'm fighting off oanjc attacks. I'm hardly sleeping and today I dissociated at work. People scare and confuse me.

I'm trying to pull on that inner strength and be brave and tough it out but my constant mood swings are fucking exhausting.

Anyone have an kind words please?",1.9832352941176483,4.6412627156862785,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,83.6078431372549,4.576470588235295,25.16666666666667,5.985473137389443,0.8084549019607851,415,17,77,3,12,132,80,102,0.212,0.596,0.192,-0.3437,1,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,3,15,5,2,3,0,10,4,2,1,2,20,21,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,9,1,1,4,1,9,5,8,16,3,14,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,2,7,50,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543164791651596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049241755506608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231268156494945,0.0,0.1435029715007664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016751371794706,0.2093156113459882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587429816248445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725316443682961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717918720922104,0.18425337857914492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519634308295527,0.0,0.0,0.19434103763611846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896215557714307,0.0,0.0,0.1383799437352841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293821560641417,0.0,0.0,0.2048580165214373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684400775079169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893807896783984,0.0,0.19156770197785825,0.0,0.0,0.18675960417809515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209401236769913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177964089597007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958165289542927,0.0,0.29631853123491003,0.0,0.0,0.17689851354262062,0.0,0.0,0.12670600645201027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677981312792604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358650959903475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,curfues,2018/11/13,"i’m sorry i’m so controlling i’m on the verge of crying and a breakdown. fp has been waking up insanely late everyday and it made me really sad and he told me to tell him if it made me upset and so i told him and he’s like “ok i will start waking up earlier. i mean I wouldn’t be telling people what time to wake up because that’s their business but i’ll wake up for you” 

i feel like such a bitch and i want to die i feel so bad right now ",-2.161254125412544,-0.3431803267326714,1.0558019801980194,99.4858151815182,99.79207920792079,4.6735313531353135,14.654125412541257,6.42735559955562,-0.5806718151815176,341,8,87,5,15,120,64,101,0.218,0.705,0.077,-0.9508,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,1,1,1,5,7,1,1,3,1,5,4,4,3,0,16,17,11,1,3,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,2,14,3,10,9,0,12,0,1,0,0,10,7,1,1,7,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075932929445756,0.12466887380772035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937807053009265,0.0,0.0,0.2246472916326006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122516049603005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068152502381589,0.1461037146389524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306989191584356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982887744976915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870291958716763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227739816644824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178316241286393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101589392347018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465249035178262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289349119647981,0.14475494441452588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575057409289759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925283750430996,0.0,0.0,0.3908407654754192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206267248158073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unhealthyinternet,2018/11/13,"Nothing helps Not meds, not taking deep breathes, not counting. I'm stuck. Trying DBT now.",2.1372916666666697,4.743419812500001,1.2399999999999984,95.67166666666668,100.875,2.1333333333333333,24.08333333333333,3.1291,-0.0038916666666666266,71,3,12,0,3,20,14,16,0.129,0.768,0.10300000000000001,-0.1139,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518025462632427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5830010589682486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036172566058181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946293463411579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563454385000314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KryptonianConundrum,2018/11/13,"Help I've had one of the the most terrible evenings yesterday. To a point that after a good 2 years of therapy and being ""constrained"" - I ended up cutting myself. Why? Coz I couldn't contain my emotions and the state I was (am?) in.

2 years of therapy 1 year of being on Zoloft. And boom! It boils down to my most ""comfortable"" version of escape from mental pain.

I am so close to messaging my ex-SO - someone who I kept at an arms distant (logically) because I didn't know what I want in life and I was already very scarred - and yet, without my ""oblivious"" knowledge, have fallen in deep love and respect with. But I've stayed away. Not being selfish. And looking and wanting after her well-being. And I wonder to myself, isn't that what love truly means? Letting them being happy? Being content and happy on their behalf? Because you know you're flawed as a person. And you struggle to be with them and yet get to a point in your head to make a conscious decision to let them go. Because it's not fair on them. 

A few months ago, in the same situation, I'd have reached out to her. But now, even though, personally, I'm in a really torn state... And the fact that all I can think of is the comfort of the smell of her hair and the fortitude of her mettle in perspective of approach towards life... I'm genuinely holding back from messaging her. 

Oh damn! I digress.

So - onwards. Venting. And using this sub to reach out for support. Being mindful of the fact that I shouldn't be the cause of disrupting (any more and further) someone else's life. 

What's the point of this post? I honestly have no clue! I regret cutting. But hey! I always did. Post-mortem is always disastrous.

​

Back to square one!",1.7500475586556767,4.296683307228918,3.2071274571972133,87.63035827520612,83.39759036144578,5.783893468611287,25.303107165504127,7.1686216300943375,1.3499265060240964,1326,55,253,19,38,433,179,332,0.09300000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.131,0.9424,0,0,0,0,0,1,70.0,0,3,5,0,10,18,3,1,19,0,26,11,3,4,3,56,44,23,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,12,21,1,4,9,0,0,3,8,8,0,2,6,5,34,10,50,26,7,44,0,1,2,2,22,23,1,3,14,181,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361388208031747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653951305597945,0.0,0.17574630819015566,0.114424710789105,0.1283235824923918,0.071816111796559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922088036138166,0.1624099187965198,0.0,0.19313041589741287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848707249012826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822076609538454,0.1187932146968183,0.09353610501578817,0.0,0.0,0.13950433124725728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055175091586010715,0.0,0.06001866648405841,0.08857780855900897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484038638212145,0.0,0.0,0.10838284271468113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078588024603581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607725488373975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597981432562952,0.22377920166789472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868294925184861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062816566303487,0.0,0.07049322789656484,0.0,0.0,0.1150365508671172,0.0,0.0,0.10642661740728147,0.0,0.10663256449397444,0.0,0.08429418338180249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312353532751135,0.0,0.11237287196165913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442322550956905,0.0,0.0,0.2994971261844298,0.0,0.2022838676162674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765429442486386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870624709676646,0.0,0.0,0.17896026490778355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256258794381303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104029516482836,0.0,0.0,0.11984112217664755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24154070965775806,0.0,0.0,0.06766844732618155,0.10375795176180984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121019801213208,0.0,0.08713650792007682,0.12457902185459517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495301940534,0.0,0.09529353361803213,0.0,0.0,0.10180099721031652,0.11452585663849645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283235824923918,0.20402157065006105
bpd,deadgirlsclub666,2018/11/13,"I am just scared and exhausted I have been in therapy for bpd for two yrs. at first w my bf it was really bad and i was honestly miserable but my parents hate me and I have no where to go. I also have no car. when my bpd is better we get along fine, but when I am more stable he just steamrolls me until I reach a breaking point. Today I split and got very upset and tried to shut myself in our spare bedroom. he talked through the door for three hours without stopping while I was crying and begging him to stop. I also had a rapist that sat outside my door repeatedly before forcing his way in and I have told my (now ex i guess) bf i am terrified by that behavior. He always says he will respect leaving me along, but he literally can not for one minute. 

Everything that happened after I split today was absolutely repulsiveand terrifying. he's still saying i'm the love of his life, i am terrified and do not want to be in the same room as him. I have been crying for hours.

I have nowhere to go. I have no job at the moment as I have no car. I graduate college in May of next year and even though his parents have said that no matter what I can stay in the house (they own it) I have gotten to the point where I don't feel safe here. 

I don't know how to move forward. I can barely think straight. I know I have to amass some money so I can rent out a room, probably from craigslist.

All of this is doable, i have been homeless before and pulled through. But I am so so so so tired of having to run from people as soon as I am no longer their perfect little mute anymore. I need help getting out. 

TL;DR: ending 2 yr cohabitation w/ partner. I m a student w/ no monthly income or vehicle. any help would be greatly appreciated. ",1.512893360160966,3.592448104225351,3.389939637826964,88.82394366197184,80.63380281690141,6.197987927565392,23.100603621730386,7.33818517376401,0.9027167002012076,1347,46,286,19,35,452,195,355,0.204,0.685,0.11,-0.9909,5,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,2,3,20,15,2,3,10,0,41,5,0,1,2,43,61,32,0,3,10,3,1,0,3,3,3,3,6,1,8,15,0,3,4,0,2,8,12,7,0,4,13,4,51,8,42,43,5,51,0,1,0,2,29,20,0,4,22,206,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809230323992026,0.09265170058824908,0.0,0.0,0.07572147553037156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042877940366018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297217798218264,0.0,0.0,0.18950043941960776,0.0,0.0,0.09847958037863064,0.0,0.0,0.2804815841556306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446243852933585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986226030618749,0.0,0.0,0.07354529186183385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000737470334714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056301650791257374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471382430643074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163510316250873,0.0,0.12656496910922754,0.0,0.08905636381945636,0.12276321229794125,0.1226640233569818,0.0,0.09846599146290086,0.0,0.0,0.10993457441699038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492704398737118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931364757352773,0.1284823681676442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049719314461492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238954178152744,0.0,0.0,0.11790303853124692,0.0,0.0,0.07864944193072411,0.0,0.1116014474266464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049726739971418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887810526945905,0.11834689223167205,0.0,0.08256424028529273,0.0,0.0,0.11842145209314076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545330015096759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472808756845156,0.0,0.0,0.07719572022911046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052252987495135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005358957834747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133333832286838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591886935295322,0.1770991767190204,0.11148027044521756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868374707848114,0.08892385123997244,0.18618632889996087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949850693856436,0.0,0.0,0.1273378527352608,0.0,0.0,0.07134826085966413,0.10940031434269053,0.0,0.0,0.12797986533314984,0.21109260466507807,0.10639921508421094,0.0,0.07559899852471312,0.0,0.10877227775310158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187499555758834,0.06567681763169711,0.08838404693136442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073369405052886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790994870948796,0.0,0.0,0.07170542460541464
bpd,throwaway26485,2018/11/13,"help please i’ve been dating this wonderful guy for a few months and i love him with my whole heart. during the time we’ve dated, he has noticed that i’m so afraid he’s gonna leave me or like someone else and that i’m very very emotionally unstable. he knows about my other mental health problems, but i kept bpd out of it, because i don’t wanna scare him away. today he was talking to one of his old girl friends (his ex-crush), she calls him babe, tells him she loves him etc. she does that with every boy she knows according to him, but it makes me feel so sad. i told him it makes me feel sad and uncomfortable, but he doesn’t understand me and where my fear is coming from. what do i do?",4.166245210727972,4.260120275862072,4.771954022988506,89.54567049808429,70.3793103448276,8.099616858237548,24.386973180076627,7.793537801064563,0.8738812260536402,540,12,125,6,9,173,95,145,0.172,0.7070000000000001,0.121,-0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,3,2,0,8,4,1,2,0,23,24,10,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,9,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,4,2,25,4,12,19,3,10,0,2,0,2,30,3,0,2,7,71,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513368286461514,0.0,0.0,0.0941660949801314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945549638794876,0.0,0.15773552398868262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330659249717336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518149442338778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904344974492266,0.1737627874846654,0.0,0.0,0.17227966966532166,0.0,0.0,0.13015125392289814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382652556575154,0.1562136875263895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934645525967813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295383607098526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419894947229186,0.0,0.18305278047573328,0.10354086214013644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697900627038661,0.0,0.0,0.16356597151847688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546833655820959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27883816027065306,0.0,0.2062255796235634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567375418243098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232999065691406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587000595461486,0.1620947846930399,0.0,0.10467577848044568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695663854968305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781103579315372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546557151339407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088556681766222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241605849961177,0.13501734044771418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007520225457924,0.0,0.14642356716387211,0.1476068064135606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608131864075681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549149384754835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246503107404634,0.0,0.0,0.16752078087425734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moonandchaos,2018/11/13,"What can i do? My bf is the nicest guy, and im really in love with him. We've been dating for 1year and i feel like im dead when he is away. Im not able to do anything but think about him, its exhausting. How can i deal with it, should i ask to move in? Im really confused right now",-2.0331818181818164,-0.32216954545454257,1.0365909090909078,102.32488636363637,92.93939393939394,5.118181818181818,12.795454545454547,6.6274283507984215,-0.9992363636363636,214,3,60,3,8,75,47,66,0.14400000000000002,0.758,0.098,-0.62,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,1,0,11,12,5,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,10,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,4,35,10,0,0.18295298653018865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055471930962358,0.0,0.17103634556794367,0.0,0.17189035328915195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886164956739442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250652711183607,0.130701650132902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115222049245425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7904824813708654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938158790634547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512221330499074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944500710187119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344087359004001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156240850858646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172288864507284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Timoofdoom,2018/11/13,"I keep forgetting I have a disability. Does anyone else do this? Things are going really well and you focus on that so hard. Maybe it's a form of dissociation or grandiose thoughts, but I legit will feel sometimes that I was fooling myself and I couldn't have ever had BPD because I've been able to ""function"" better than others for a while. Of course, I think the more I accept myself, this disappears, but it can be hard to be real with yourself.",4.9848275862068965,6.083604896551727,5.7983333333333364,79.31750000000002,69.0,8.098850574712644,27.143678160919546,8.344100000000001,1.8206643678160923,354,11,66,5,6,116,67,87,0.12,0.772,0.10800000000000001,0.0009,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,12,0,0,0,1,15,17,7,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,3,10,3,8,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,53,18,0,0.2348993323786961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424707488070275,0.2406821251408007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319245276127535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077493705971873,0.0,0.0,0.29584748609001194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556198872326387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962282505784128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124798943771065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877216038589493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349870384805193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208473257606825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878931959055907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359879519905887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26736686625545103,0.1504825272629598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232144608290675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560566787925249,0.1505140073689382,0.0,0.18648383139864144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112027100841822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway12938120,2018/11/13,"Girlfriend has BPD and many other things and I’d like to know into be there Hey Reddit,

I’ve been in a relationship for 4 months now and I love my girlfriend. She has BPD, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression. She attempted to kill herself and didn’t tell me but eventually did tell me and said she wanted a break to focus on herself but she didn’t want me to leave her and I didn’t. We got back together and ever since I’ve had my doubts. My roommate sent me a text of her on tinder and she told me her BPD causes her to want to talk to strangers for gratification and swore nothing shady was happening and I trust her. Ever since then though, my mind has been going to the worst outcome. She doesn’t carry on long texts with me anymore and will leave me on read, she’ll get angry all of a sudden after having a perfectly okay day. I feel like our relationship is on the edge but I don’t think that’s the case, I think it’s her BPD causing her to act like it is but in reality I don’t feel there’s a threat. I want to know more about BPD and what I can do to reassure myself of the doubts and what is advisable to say and not say to her. I’m trying to learn so I can help her get through her situations she has to deal with. I really appreciate the guidance. First time on this sub so forgive me if there is threads like this. Feel free to send a link my way.

Thanks! ",1.2161288711288698,3.1977885699300717,2.999165834165833,91.75281468531469,81.13286713286713,6.323476523476522,20.35414585414585,7.447530270364453,0.4635628371628373,1065,29,242,16,28,354,144,286,0.094,0.721,0.185,0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,0,3,11,18,2,2,12,1,26,1,0,2,4,47,48,23,1,5,6,0,3,4,2,2,0,3,0,0,9,18,0,0,10,1,1,4,7,6,0,1,12,6,47,13,35,33,3,27,0,1,0,1,42,9,0,3,16,163,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479075196206644,0.0,0.09695763981247546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517604897662512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6156645160222785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200865305155816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305100694012132,0.10079249294532988,0.08420574582251912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768699583221675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830034003125736,0.06984407753888379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315974252324856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215744008976377,0.0,0.055562692778268766,0.0,0.0781924321978825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645418509191442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553051488064088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816363651127478,0.0,0.10745931606732884,0.0,0.0,0.20704023723602166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105419250427155,0.0,0.0,0.08651986767844387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823766691345457,0.0,0.0,0.0991194181942681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871582906146904,0.0,0.07803591929990908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380915083957499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428326736095125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779249551836718,0.0,0.06263142779517929,0.0,0.0,0.2099282751612356,0.0,0.0,0.09299789094406938,0.15549495593573118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617461548984942,0.10989312366763036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858063854698406,0.17090365396762056,0.09000983309802828,0.0,0.0,0.06495141188498184,0.1252890598815867,0.09605463657835743,0.0,0.05700816334455011,0.0,0.0,0.09341963959191507,0.0,0.0663767227051325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306597704819931,0.07760213083778884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,johnnyhairspray,2018/11/13,"I'm 39, male, have been diagnosed, tried DBT... I've read from various sources that you ""grow out"" of BPD, or at least some/most of the symptoms; is this true? I haven't self harmed or been incredibly impulsive in over a decade, but I feel very hollow most of the time and sometimes it's as if the only emotion I can connect to is anger. I feel like I'm on auto pilot most days and rarely talk to anyone any more. I want to be a better person for my wife and kids, but I don't even know where to begin...",4.4778816199376905,3.75152128971963,5.4808878504672895,87.53042834890968,69.74766355140186,8.628660436137071,26.24454828660436,7.793537801064563,1.1400043613707165,386,9,91,4,6,128,79,107,0.049,0.8270000000000001,0.124,0.7042,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,1,16,16,9,0,2,5,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,8,3,15,13,5,10,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,5,4,55,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673871464321984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211041590111678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176953872855733,0.0,0.0,0.31001120666066834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874326223122692,0.0,0.0,0.24983215154030666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768801697303899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625765537722234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489167729329495,0.1758461482872527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352749402231153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025408971613848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720448250021107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149244555408226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462117658971105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567830794734657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434438527268759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558390638844297,0.0,0.1978421521960414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352921963195409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711640320727927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030955317119684,0.1451827901281222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ayanith,2018/11/13,"DAE feel like it’s less intense sometimes Hello,
Until just now I haven’t had a mood swing in 4 days, I felt happy because I started talking with someone I really like. Now it’s come back but during those 4 days I felt like my symptoms were less intense and more liveable.
Is this normal?
Thanks",1.5444552058111365,4.108586254237288,2.6971428571428566,90.73762711864408,84.76271186440678,4.049394673123486,23.682808716707026,5.288315135182226,0.4020537530266344,235,9,44,1,7,75,45,59,0.0,0.733,0.267,0.8993,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,6,5,3,6,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851656268484948,0.0,0.146793639157632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743380490184515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31060103270727873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175919412964012,0.17203248341986596,0.4624247373478211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563434018919996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529382343047147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359396145769431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542670537489485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403488825174207,0.0,0.2381641620576828,0.0,0.1704443493204404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25029055196566224,0.0,0.1935514488029497,0.0,0.2217026219788043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,junebloom11,2018/11/13,I’m so tired of the ups and downs. I just want stability and a lasting relationship. He left me after nearly 4 years together. And I don’t blame him. My boyfriend broke up with me last week after I went into a paranoid episode. We’re still in contact and have talked about everything since then...but he just says he doesn’t know where he wants our relationship will go. He’s in limbo and with my black and white thinking it’s killing me inside. This fucking hurts and makes me want to just cut him out of my life. But I can’t....I’m still so in love with him and I’m completely lost. I feel like I lost my best friend. As sad as that is. I just wish my moods weren’t so dramatic and I wasn’t such a paranoid freak.,0.8966526845637581,3.081345187919464,2.1385192953020145,96.31704068791949,83.69798657718121,5.604194630872483,20.05075503355705,6.9077264865688965,0.13084194630872448,559,16,130,7,16,178,94,149,0.209,0.667,0.124,-0.9105,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,12,14,3,0,4,0,7,4,0,1,0,27,23,15,1,4,5,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,14,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,5,4,21,4,20,17,1,21,0,5,2,2,16,11,1,0,9,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478389254881013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462444917301356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968435186570442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842126567404323,0.11898331438541115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286760747936737,0.15397274091897992,0.0,0.0,0.09465417220602926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829516138853002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426283833336488,0.0,0.09153149442171436,0.27152086951096943,0.0,0.0,0.18095700316812666,0.0,0.11763915201518582,0.08136789063729505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36361787974474175,0.0,0.15031782841077446,0.0,0.11117338194197626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35762462390587946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244720153363512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137771836045832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660140033290781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386653744029944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671848012198457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914246619330184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29470641915250473,0.0,0.1335963201893662,0.0,0.0,0.1543934681254477,0.0,0.0,0.19152421790209195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725270438536416
bpd,Bak8976,2018/11/13,"Work Does anyone else experience the same stuff? I work in a super quiet office and I'm the youngest person by about 15 years (save the two owners kids who only talk to each other.) it's usually super quiet all day, except for the owner running around and screaming. I spent a good majority of my day wishing I'd just have aa heart attack at my desk and get in a car accident at lunch. I spend my whole entire day stoned. Come in high, smoke at lunch, etc because I can't take the boredom and solitude. What do yall do for work and how do you not think of killing yourself day and night?",3.330916666666667,4.568577591666671,4.458333333333336,86.84666666666668,73.08333333333334,6.666666666666668,24.16666666666667,6.937597516519254,0.815666666666667,461,13,95,4,9,151,85,120,0.07,0.784,0.146,0.8637,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,5,4,7,2,0,8,0,5,3,1,1,1,18,12,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,9,2,0,1,0,2,3,2,3,1,1,1,3,9,4,15,11,6,18,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,7,57,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843781287623124,0.17355477728163154,0.0,0.15078841208400715,0.0,0.1926996995042194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032554213689748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459100343463087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369568149392304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822980788276013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414992920873431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889088624557908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569086802467972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849658358026083,0.0,0.0,0.14207196061068553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072184138858407,0.0,0.17896437480251368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873992200754864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589561903194369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882479745264416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790030176032282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390510758938934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735631340598955,0.13614511171879387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853496083849236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546436821308205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655346185778365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911211576439885,0.194784197318644,0.0,0.0,0.3699425250174144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907827826054148
bpd,workaccount1338,2018/11/13,my girlfriend broke up with me last night i hurt so much. xanax is the only thing that helps. please xanny make it go away.,-0.21860000000000213,2.043859040000001,0.06350000000000122,105.73925,98.6,2.5,10.25,3.1291,-2.1888,96,1,22,0,4,28,25,25,0.19899999999999998,0.643,0.158,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34177712055238885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674082849903475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438296680914417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38942699010245896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965239049119299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24282159522451316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674153339127409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413767297355521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27666609255576136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993139968179829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416749087174388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeautyOfDestruction,2018/11/13,"Being self-aware with BPD is an absolute chore It’s like, I know I’m being melodramatic, I know I’m not being rational, I know I’m not making good decisions, but there’s like a naughty part of me who wants to drink and drug her feelings away and scream at the people she loves because she’s 99.9% that everyone hates her, and then begging for them to come back. 

I think the worst part is when I let that part of me take over though. When I get tired of fighting off crazy, irrational thoughts and finally just give in. I let anxiety, anger, depression and loneliness take hold and corrupt my thinking to the point that I can think of nothing else. 

If they ever find some magical pill to make this shit go away, HMU ",5.199381846635369,5.719127654929576,5.354882629107983,84.77266823161192,68.22535211267605,9.409702660406886,29.8622848200313,9.444778638647367,2.3714247261345847,565,20,118,11,9,178,96,142,0.293,0.648,0.059000000000000004,-0.9916,0,0,2,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,7,11,4,0,5,0,8,6,1,2,1,29,30,12,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,6,8,1,1,10,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,2,17,4,16,24,5,15,0,1,0,1,10,7,1,2,8,75,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504817815741747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580302600873223,0.10558935134216378,0.0,0.08370800457739501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294768154520265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182876178414257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182721119521393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451972618541774,0.1592457149647106,0.0,0.11471187887965395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421232843029635,0.0,0.1312135883889846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943229446474238,0.0,0.0,0.15042556364698262,0.1255065036001023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717431813768777,0.1317282942986956,0.0780411948904834,0.11517613478736052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557346250959093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263997569774488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808346764364354,0.0,0.1341736399581169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393519132981495,0.0,0.1833221582221025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176068072145974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461072434927805,0.0,0.0951992686366802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981024606129235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325300924873882,0.0,0.1409553347809454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649265141155995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26396420289285905,0.13491460256004742,0.1090154481699696,0.0,0.1578272674155615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099393316579767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unpeu,2018/11/13,"Improvement (?) Hello,

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I made a post a couple weeks ago, hard to believe it was a couple weeks feels like it's been a couple months!

Anywho, I made this post about struggling with my identity (here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9t1dug/dealing\_with\_bpd\_finding\_yourself\_advice\_from/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9t1dug/dealing_with_bpd_finding_yourself_advice_from/) )

But I feel a lot better now! Since I recognized my disorder I started changing my behavior that fits more with myself, and I'm starting to dress more like myself, and in doing so I feel like I'm even learning how to love myself in the process as well! It's very comforting, and slowly I feel like I'm getting more and more in touch with myself. I feel like I'm not taking anyone advice, about myself, to heart and not second guessing myself. I'm confident in what I want to do, and I feel it's very positive feeling. I feel like since I joined this thread, this is as close as I can get with a support group, that it's been all welcome arms and love.

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Thank you all so much, and I would love to see you guys post any positive going on with you as well!

​

(Even though I'm on the right path, as of right now, I'm still a long way with finding my true self. However, this micro step means a lot to me! :) )",9.385115888478332,9.993108358078608,7.1507423580786025,75.17023177695667,59.305676855895214,8.96755122606651,29.40577762848505,8.384062270229773,1.9158381592206928,1070,27,183,11,13,308,112,229,0.027999999999999997,0.69,0.282,0.9958,1,0,0,0,0,0,79.0,0,3,0,1,14,18,0,1,10,0,8,5,2,3,3,40,40,18,0,2,3,0,10,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,15,0,0,11,0,0,2,2,1,2,1,5,11,28,17,27,34,9,26,0,0,1,3,11,10,0,3,16,118,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779271049640682,0.07056831850033546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587680135414041,0.2901998904176776,0.054136653005877416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055664261342253864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969175539018832,0.0,0.07040743506092875,0.0,0.0,0.20052876795674449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421545991915479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642565717974289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912384791524005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051616048908904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220204478262552,0.28436239326485896,0.0,0.0,0.07276091911908418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318453096488825,0.0,0.04524346473291858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769796972746842,0.07882513941040165,0.0,0.0,0.07131376782005508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433670518577128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333567684112676,0.0,0.0,0.07045120360936592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353609575825161,0.21554990794157236,0.15065537337419865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671722377463056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354291317081708,0.0,0.05852156207731956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287294161966887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597080750159005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343783525518795,0.0,0.0830492470153109,0.0,0.0,0.1317062958780383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269491000240968,0.0,0.06357561900116117,0.0,0.0,0.08322430906784578,0.0,0.0,0.09033902121421987,0.0,0.0,0.05985584283311,0.0,0.0,0.07329300481598107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821515382288917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137104684186238,0.046955280014734715,0.06318968887577067,0.12771461120126465,0.0,0.14315558263496905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655174381910731,0.0,0.2901998904176776,0.0
bpd,hansoloshotmostly,2018/11/13,So! I’ve been having the ups and the downs - more of the downs recently which gets me all sad face. I have some obsessive thoughts that I can’t seem to - not think about which results in the good and the bad. I’ll loop over the wins and it’s great. I’ll shove all of my positivity in that process. Karate chop the lurking bad thoughts trying to make their way in. I just wish there was a pause button and I can savor a moment- especially one of those complete moments when your chest feels tight and content. I want to live in those moments. But- duh we can’t. That’s not reality. I’ve been pulling to my old self destructive ways. Dwelling and picking myself apart. I truly don’t like to dwell - I’ll fuel the fuckery gladly. Hm. I’ve been waaaaay up and I know the crash will come. It’s inevitable. It’s a funny feeling just waiting- for the pin to drop. I want the ups to stay for awhile - I can try  😼,-0.0824910394265217,2.254024478494628,1.3074193548387107,97.95890681003587,94.53763440860214,4.2609318996415775,19.7921146953405,6.037888025583468,-0.11672616487455167,707,24,159,7,27,224,113,186,0.115,0.7090000000000001,0.177,0.8439,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,1,1,6,12,1,3,14,2,12,2,2,3,2,32,26,10,0,3,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,2,7,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,6,4,16,5,23,19,4,23,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,2,7,95,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325993709281267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156840750177135,0.20882728017541397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014139503000127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405876458212804,0.0,0.0,0.16705540603723634,0.0,0.21958702092165816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945931752969908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730501871797903,0.0,0.17587187447826114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294836484118852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089967366178452,0.0,0.13496360260309453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665759430589588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813180377564046,0.2077790652576254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229006609515289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762090333781312,0.0,0.3162394708241957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704484276676259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495274288454335,0.3161857562924624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903712339038315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frustratinglydumb,2018/11/13,"My girlfriend, or ex I guess, is so mean. But I can't come to terms if I'm crazy and imagining it... but really she is mean I finally broke up with her this morning. I had a bad dream and asked if she could hold me. Her reply ""Fuck, I'm sleeping bitch, just shut up or go sleep on the couch."" 

Funny, this is my apartment. I have a job, I pay the bills. She sleeps and eats all day. We're lesbians, not that it matters except she's also a pillow princess and thinking about all of this... She contributes nothing and is causing me to hemorrhage all of my money and dignity. 

Yet here I am.... 3 hours after kicking her out convinced it's all my fault, that I overreacted and that I'm a pile of shit that no one ever could or will love. I should kill myself. I should call her an apologize. I should stop existing. ",0.967992250792534,3.016704143712577,2.796865093342728,92.50723141951393,82.41317365269461,6.085100387460374,21.79957731595633,7.285733465282438,0.6614462134554424,620,20,138,9,17,206,105,167,0.223,0.6659999999999999,0.11,-0.9697,3,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,4,0,7,0,14,8,4,1,5,39,26,16,1,7,10,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,10,10,1,2,4,1,3,2,3,7,0,1,1,0,27,2,13,19,5,16,0,1,0,3,15,6,3,6,8,98,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482988591978046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576188565517128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407745076345481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216012330724448,0.0,0.0,0.1731993197651714,0.0,0.1452345386240951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26922781376501226,0.0,0.0,0.1087334769343756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252056514170247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250894844448268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469378056819655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586859225556018,0.0,0.0,0.09581963979346493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573263386237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603768689067866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731013833959832,0.0,0.1865316486841542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521686771662328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673110887959344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617768792929076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424816981473575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800989928680482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306615339028394,0.0,0.0,0.5061672605050732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095770018531253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803249435573482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loveangel1,2018/11/13,"Can't tolerate the bad in people. People should only be fully good.  Their 'bad' side, and the lack of attention they give, hurts me so much and I'd want to cut them off.

Then again, I ask myself, are the particular 'bad' things they do that hurt me a normal part of humans, or are these actions actually awful and disrespectful?  I don't know. Is my low self-worth attracting bad people? Probably, but then again, I've been splitting and cutting people off ever since elementary school. I split on and abandon every person that enters my life, even acquaintances.

BPD will be the end of me, it seems.",3.768584070796457,5.984835991150447,4.793991150442476,80.81859734513273,74.04424778761063,7.705840707964603,22.804424778761053,8.548686976883017,1.5589617699115044,469,13,86,9,10,153,82,113,0.145,0.777,0.078,-0.7791,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,0,5,12,2,0,5,1,11,1,0,0,1,16,16,10,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,10,0,0,1,0,13,2,8,11,3,14,0,4,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,59,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.15128942209907212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493452269273024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177828723715767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952580915110761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731283864277566,0.0,0.0,0.10239754864332666,0.14023583302623008,0.13062162456312384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872136540350253,0.0,0.13003396209347046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319311397962884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520184460993396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950408723649606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396677533997746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518989995547122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790925356875953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788516271783746,0.0,0.4299202473527241,0.13536845799865854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715132903068036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156901235037172,0.0,0.14113582677607794,0.16173277918048606,0.0,0.0,0.12824454184392214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029967490050414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144222502801157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnchorsAviators,2018/11/13,"Good morning check-in I posted yesterday just as a last minute “hey, I love you guys” and it seems more people needed it than I originally planned.

A few thinks I’m grateful i accomplished today already:
1. As stated above, I feel like it helped more than planned.
2. My fiancé comes home in a few days
3. My master bedroom is finally painted. Holy shit.

Comment yours below. Could be as simple as “I took a shower and didn’t cry” or “I got out of bed.”

A few to tag:
u/hackziggins
u/reconrose
u/martelerciel - for the idea!
u/beezleflub
u/kevinjbacon - loving this handle. Haha
u/landocaltrollian
u/finedontinbanme
u/ultrahawk_dnb
u/complexflipper
u/foxconductor
u/pame_la_la_la - head up, friend. 
u/darcij97
u/injaneinthemembrane - also loving this handle.
u/musa-karolia - I will try to go about the other community. Thank you.

If it’s nighttime where you are, good night, sleep well. A new day is coming.

💕 love you guys. Take it easy on yourselves. ",2.098194753223656,4.97133566473989,3.511358381502891,81.73914962205428,91.19653179190752,6.360960426856384,23.416851934192966,7.61054688173877,1.7629566029346369,742,29,129,16,26,242,120,173,0.038,0.7070000000000001,0.255,0.9888,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,5,0,4,5,12,1,0,8,1,7,7,3,1,0,15,23,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,1,15,11,16,17,5,21,0,0,0,4,15,6,1,3,10,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158974681864421,0.11520537461521432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481912569326297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150208313611095,0.0,0.1582440309605741,0.18581460420269866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284147212273077,0.102917068684687,0.0,0.1578115714799229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130102145851964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818730760068198,0.2416627385280384,0.11521858686804284,0.0,0.0,0.2852856945547046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478479486339673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656092167813607,0.0,0.14450473454954574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626271149802945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742878453641675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038083308320893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200820081704334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068192623582802,0.0,0.1391348242610099,0.0,0.13519130760728731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998736240241118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797043018857366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114754735616302,0.0,0.0,0.14787634728404642,0.0,0.0,0.14416484512229055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831579762196844,0.0,0.0,0.1326318351057004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230834764833512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655279962424813,0.0,0.16005685629601205,0.0978078309632682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952796571905373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liarjcnc,2018/11/13,"Not sure if I’m bpd, but when I fight with my wife, it seems like I am. Need some input. Hi all
I think I’m suffering from symptoms..
I’ve always been thin skinned, easily offended, with a bad temper..I always see myself as s victim in arguments, and always see the faults in others.

Here’s what confuses me. 
When my wife and I fight, sometimes about the smallest things, I become enraged! I literally hate her! And will say all these means things... but like clockwork, I’ll begin to settle down after like 30 mins. And then I’ll feel bad, and scared that she’s gonna leave me.. and then I’ll replay things that she’s done in the past and get upset again, and then change my kind, and think it’s not so bad. I begin to feel like I really love her, and will forgive her. But then something small will trigger me again, and the cycle repeats. It’s emotionally exhausting because I’m constantly back and forth, all within maybe an hour or even less! Is there something wrong with me? 

",2.4885128205128244,4.565323312820516,3.4606410256410283,89.54685897435898,77.41025641025641,6.384615384615388,21.08974358974359,7.3871296695380915,0.6261282051282061,766,20,157,10,18,245,114,195,0.281,0.596,0.12300000000000001,-0.9901,0,0,2,0,2,0,35.0,0,0,0,0,10,24,6,3,6,0,7,4,1,1,4,37,25,25,0,2,7,2,4,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,11,15,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,16,0,0,2,7,21,8,14,19,5,24,0,1,2,1,13,7,0,5,21,96,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425681647568353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552420397594234,0.34375309014934124,0.08365635774027977,0.1515637817291243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728409748953032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517500248964635,0.0,0.0,0.14830081976726836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043766786523387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436938225836466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064152987174852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387789111398669,0.09803974517224726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169891669249769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354898153055902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514749914354587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290772575605185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531061769497008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681817128557584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385872479986043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378696443382637,0.14948767351579598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017570107168377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100504481979594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791538863685182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913370462242726,0.1373948217195753,0.0,0.21871489866470387,0.12493235852020088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211298332901674,0.13572758640186358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934108864578106,0.14263830554515494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27351581239953443,0.17586756009230406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004345020817106,0.0,0.0
bpd,trufflelizard,2018/11/13,"Something I can't even write the right words to express anything. I don't go out of my way to make friends and my family thinks I'm doing better when in reality I have never felt worse in my life. I'm so miserable. I even smashed my ulna against metal railing and ultimately resulted in a surgery with a plate and screws a few months ago. I think I'm just trying to hide the fact that I have no personality, really. It's getting easier to fake it. People probably think I'm a freak.

I have always planned for suicide some point in my life and I feel I am slowly getting closer to an age where a suicide would be such a surprise. 
I just want to die. I hate daily interactions with these people that don't care or can't notice what's obvious.

",3.6993540669856486,4.803750657894739,5.403038277511964,80.93717703349283,72.02631578947368,8.422009569377991,28.291866028708128,8.841846274778883,2.1529000000000003,588,22,119,11,11,201,96,152,0.223,0.682,0.095,-0.9691,0,0,1,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,2,1,9,0,11,3,0,2,3,25,27,7,3,2,3,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,2,16,4,16,24,2,16,0,1,0,1,5,9,1,2,5,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035690016425168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113649347492924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958188323285228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001411269600787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293774951638166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603761486663386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240633369720568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990158145828534,0.0,0.08576440064323926,0.0,0.16286072162656004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104712354366935,0.0,0.17723772485011605,0.0,0.09639831661710836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674635246451217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396136579768361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322191745029808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538816929193007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082053454588466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931122155895897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351847444835812,0.14810466081366416,0.0,0.0,0.16034466434710032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287783769308666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086621958887964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485359410024826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058089827469366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371071042165934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260547822436197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516008334711125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004560827570788,0.13463556938315333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285612651842927,0.12049238355429195,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amxni,2018/11/13,"I just wanted to be happy. I never asked much. I can’t live without the person I love because he’s the only one that can make me feel whole and alive but at the same time I know I’m not fit to be in a relationship. I hurt him, he hurts me, i hurt myself. To be precise, i suck real bad at relationships due to my BPD tendencies. 

I used to be so desperate to find my happiness.

But now all I wish is to end the pain. 
",0.5490217391304348,1.8863104239130448,3.5167391304347824,90.33206521739132,80.63043478260869,6.773913043478261,20.195652173913047,7.645422480735847,0.4904086956521741,317,8,77,5,8,114,64,92,0.312,0.5760000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,5,0,7,2,0,2,3,18,17,4,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,1,16,3,11,13,4,9,0,3,0,1,8,4,1,0,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266486972636467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634994149174265,0.09954708606410444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567253784492726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463666926063676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825701511773517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492546235997378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34767499241170585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.524452938544081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974624034466819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419822700347815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738599038367234,0.0,0.10900502738134277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004540110362698,0.0,0.12594819334759916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065733087284403,0.12419815859724402,0.17376432248320528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258858152958653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587287201647226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35064942021327355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952224249393601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104007474815386,0.0,0.0,0.09631946283071817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232030642238048,0.18778867973544236,0.15741683023284145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,random_person003,2018/11/13,"School makes me scared So I'm a freshman in high School and its report crad season in my country. A year ago i had all A's but not i have 2 C's, a few B's here and there ane the others are A's. This does not please my mother at all. The parent teacher conference is tomorrow and I am very scared. My fp who is also my boyfriend constantly tries to calm me down but I'm still scared. I'm scared my parents might not even let me go out lmao.... Any help???? ",-0.8254333333333328,1.1694023900000057,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,90.1,4.533333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.7084666666666664,349,8,87,3,12,116,67,100,0.16899999999999998,0.8009999999999999,0.03,-0.9319,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,4,7,0,8,0,0,1,2,13,13,7,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,11,1,6,10,3,13,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,6,53,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528221989000234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106604267288066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145359976334496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711128429815434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342482055705094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825049916465884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931447869468818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098547522063949,0.17316310200210847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759280877667654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940057615854457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738657270187656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639699775345387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990649175855705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6563462931319751,0.3317391331600443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088603010040267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127332721750167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522978668089225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554241896180566
bpd,rainbow-rolls,2018/11/13,"Fear of abandonment at its worst today. I made one of my best friends mad last night. (Used to be an FP, but I don't know now.) He was stressed about some work stuff, and I made an off-handed remark like, ""I hope you don't find a new job somewhere really far away and forget all about me.""  He raised his voice and said ""Now I have to worry about that shit too, can't find a job anywhere else because it'd make you upset?""

He apologized, but I spent the rest of the phone call crying and now I'm in a nasty depressive episode. Up at 6 AM after tossing and turning all night.

He's not actively planning to move away, but I can't stop thinking about it. There's no one else in this town that I care about. If he left, I'd be completely alone. That's a lot of emotional pressure, right? Which is exactly why I'm venting here and not on the phone with him. I don't want to hurt him with my own anxiety and depression. I've probably done enough damage. 

I was already struggling with feeling abandoned. My ex, who I'm still friends with, moved away last month because he'd rather be supported by his mother than get a job here. (Before anyone recommends making new friends on MeetUp, there isn't a single group in my area that meets on my days off and I don't drive. I also work every weekend, so it's hard to have a social life. I AM TRYING.) 

When I was a student living off my mom's social security checks (she died), it was easier to escape bad feelings. Whenever someone severed a friendship or moved away and I couldn't handle the void of their absence, I'd just move somewhere else and start over in a place with no memories. I went to 3 different high schools and 4 different universities trying to escape the pain of being left behind. Now that I have a full-time job (it pays so shitty that I have zero savings) and a lease, I'm stuck here. If my fears should come true, I can't leave. I'm so scared. Existing hurts. ",3.131628303495312,4.4559693964194365,4.190186700767267,88.23481116794547,73.70588235294117,7.361670929241263,25.309548167092924,7.908726449838941,1.2761682182438188,1498,48,318,21,30,487,212,391,0.237,0.625,0.138,-0.9936,6,1,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,2,1,4,23,30,2,7,19,0,28,3,1,5,4,54,54,23,1,7,10,3,3,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,16,18,0,4,6,1,3,7,13,19,0,3,11,5,36,11,45,35,10,51,0,7,0,0,30,25,1,6,20,195,52,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134173709804768,0.08666869448725152,0.06280685263034942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008139559723932,0.0,0.0,0.05491563277688288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951563445323836,0.0,0.06557599374053866,0.095752136322316,0.0,0.06683009852469518,0.0,0.08242084123859413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019613322089576,0.0,0.08007477934746028,0.0,0.0,0.06765357844793753,0.08234565434939375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627036338685437,0.050650546911135054,0.0,0.13528941997773625,0.0,0.08151009948214709,0.1641110988806095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037169607579807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968253965626088,0.08834473872197779,0.0,0.08115080332139521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661716969933562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675428906676285,0.07942239882940111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435647152590174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203491483884526,0.0,0.04103289116779719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703546690660795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297976506092335,0.0,0.07800600769824839,0.0,0.0,0.16815322025523327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31174759603403035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043162459995886734,0.12803799110194947,0.0,0.0831604581555273,0.17066364882527013,0.0,0.05547374949884922,0.038369725598501325,0.0,0.06935053970631523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667702441358552,0.0,0.14862920948888106,0.1048495205064546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198281849069836,0.06268832462909413,0.33389408455865616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170508202933736,0.0,0.14740528490367488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643883462321524,0.0,0.08357002576475382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205554944030476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467730464728533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031348785061912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670710681600793,0.07470767346146594,0.0,0.07863029215374656,0.07948470260944984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872564495203952,0.08061818280964926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011930906075056,0.06654503746381703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558963816536303,0.0,0.06272059059877612,0.06566132903145246,0.08996507438957986,0.08210502546290628,0.0899072806508896,0.0,0.08912405185654186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050324013151851685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744448910557091,0.0,0.0,0.10664436526371664,0.0854268489232762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783166136826066,0.0,0.0,0.04632377852587295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280556199473484,0.07086837704379875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435327597411353,0.07975920517632154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,the2ndP,2018/11/13,"Having emotional dissociation, I get real mean? I had an episode of emotional dissociation last Saturday and it’s confusing me because it doesn’t seem to fit into anything I’ve read up online. 

I woke up completely fine and then began reading articles online, I often read about major tragedies because I guess I’m intrigued by them. After reading a few my husband called to suggest that after he finishes work we go to the beach and it’s like I turned into another person. She needs to have another name because it wasn’t me at all. I drove to his work to pick him up and all I had in my head was this burning rage and that I wanted to hurt him emotionally as much as I could. I was smiling the whole time as I cut up some of his clothes, broke stuff and told him how much I didn’t care about him. I tried to make him believe I would hurt him physically. After he refused to engage after an hour I started to feel large bouts of remorse and stitched up his clothes. But I wasn’t myself yet, it was like I was a transitioning person, not quite this evil person but not quite me. After another 10 minutes it’s like I came to and I was back to myself. All in all it was about 3 hours and while I can recall what I did I can’t bring back that feeling to understand just why I decided to do that.

Honestly it felt like someone else had taken over my body, I was kind of in there but I couldn’t access myself if that makes sense. I’m just really confused about what happened and who this person was that I became. I havnt had an episode like this in years and even then it was only like 10 minutes at a time. 

Long story short, who was this psycho and has anyone experienced anything like this? ",3.7955263157894734,4.9884330906432774,5.029995321637429,83.36558947368424,71.89473684210526,7.811181286549706,27.42269005847953,8.238735603445708,1.7542843040935667,1335,47,269,20,25,443,167,342,0.07,0.816,0.113,0.9212,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,4,13,20,3,2,8,0,28,2,2,4,4,52,54,23,0,6,8,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,4,26,16,0,1,7,5,0,4,8,8,0,0,25,4,49,12,45,26,10,42,0,3,0,0,26,16,0,7,29,195,75,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851086886248304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337245193325672,0.0,0.1491658870663874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938181748949852,0.0,0.1657464555105792,0.0,0.0,0.1021119533469764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067243571294984,0.0,0.0,0.09254606276545843,0.10365959981703682,0.0924060208116044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502660277760233,0.0,0.0,0.07236279131386843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571194425690532,0.3058485767228439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986200652332455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916531759306054,0.0,0.0870215512466309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047351815716642695,0.0,0.05150862016207948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998420752774722,0.0,0.0801461476874859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301524016631932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850979538383818,0.0,0.19404823962135856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437995170146199,0.0,0.07387770136152126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099497224667885,0.0,0.0,0.08020703781414534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209959871630103,0.0,0.0,0.09872551908403224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325084319366876,0.06720295705450055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893020975413171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165477151799451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927979459741211,0.362628681547812,0.1031597907763394,0.058061592467893275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250855508829595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767927450678077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415025184057555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375269360270008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569724702042088,0.0,0.0,0.08660337522914861,0.0,0.061533615929419964,0.0985822907512566,0.0,0.09435177863837432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345748158680047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178186411951191,0.10118811024313468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196328838680998,0.0,0.0,0.06438282985348452,0.0,0.0,0.05836445116773864
bpd,unpleasantexperience,2018/11/13,"TW Suicide - I told the ticket checker I'm going to kill myself but i didn't and now i'm afraid to take the bus again I took the bus at my boyfriends city and forgot to buy a ticket, i really just forgot. Got 60 bucks to pay now I really don't have. I cried and hated myself a lot in front of the ticket checker and told him i'm going to pull through now. I really thought about killing myself, but my boyfriend helped me and got me to not go through with it. Now I'm terrified to take the bus alone. I don't know, i don't want to see/meet this dude in any way, shape or form because I didn't go through with the plan of killing myself. i'm seriously afraid to meet him. help i really want to take the bus again...

Is there any advice or thoughts you have for me? ",0.9689090909090936,2.605635951515154,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,80.3939393939394,5.854545454545455,20.090909090909093,6.742157984588678,0.03274545454545441,592,15,142,6,15,195,79,165,0.20800000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.053,-0.9846,0,1,0,0,0,4,17.0,0,1,0,1,9,7,4,2,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,21,33,9,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,3,3,3,7,6,7,0,0,11,0,23,0,22,22,2,18,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,6,84,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695474903438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515503128283308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906161047396263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543525648161668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395020739605994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186060657047752,0.0,0.2241844477361106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837091924582345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788163861179005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651717135817566,0.0,0.07702378206399707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915207643795313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35913941174390523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116828652867148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330335760821368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161302086457771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252980039079528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678421647841661,0.1557138431848439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533036448329078,0.11124600140962376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,atleastshesnotboring,2018/11/13,"My short story Dear all,

This is my first time on redit. My husband showed me this page and i can honestly say for the first time that i don’t feel so alone reading all your stories. 

I was diagnosed with ADD, BPD and when i was 21 i had a psychose. I feel like every year its getting harder to just live. The littlest things are getting harder and harder. Most of the time i feel like things are going to get worse and i have this overwhelming feeling to just end it all. Eventhough i have the most loving people around me.. i do not find rest in anything. 

The last couple of years i tried to find something that worked. I thought maybe with a better job or a better house or more clothing or different look. I try everything just to be busy and hope that the change will change me, but it never does. 

Last monday i quit my job because i put all of my energy in it to seem “normal and happy” and now there is no energy left in me. 

I feel bad for all of you. I know how it feels and i would not give this to my worst enemy. I’m not that good in short stories but i felt like wrighting this. 

I hope you all have a better day than yesterday. 

Much Love,

Eva 

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bpd,Slytherin3,2018/11/13,"Dating and BPD I was diagnosed with BPD about three years ago. I have not dated really in my life. I’m a 23 year old male. I lately feel a lot of pressure from my family to start dating, they worry I’ll end up alone if I don’t. 

I’m really afraid to engage in dating because of my bpd. I also am not really even sure if I’m straight but I’m too scared of the idea of being that close to someone that I haven’t even explored that concept. I feel like a loser. ",0.7826952695269541,2.2877250693069304,3.5074587458745903,89.90385038503851,80.48514851485149,6.469086908690867,18.152915291529148,7.3871296695380915,0.2357119911991199,356,7,81,5,9,126,63,101,0.156,0.7759999999999999,0.068,-0.8202,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,3,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,14,13,5,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,2,11,3,13,11,1,17,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,3,12,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431547258595598,0.0,0.0,0.1686153186643054,0.0,0.13019389366867376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924349758669486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6151358965982628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652421173116227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419557120408336,0.0,0.0,0.21506034195294432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534766430418916,0.0,0.16463667442411245,0.11630684715690515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378532586787386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364943010606927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499292101393807,0.07953756262980692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384097069219206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083487827432772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128882572357219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299469671013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794287038601932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523314952553546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344036443386194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653348487137234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968022214790105
bpd,DismalRae,2018/11/13,Marijuannaaaa Has anyone given medical marijuana a try? Does it help you manage symptoms?,6.965714285714286,11.051654142857146,9.054285714285717,42.61571428571432,79.0,11.371428571428574,35.57142857142857,10.125756701596842,6.512542857142857,74,4,7,3,2,26,14,14,0.0,0.797,0.203,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387703297805917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239850405903097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324746939841836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880779725822927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035760537158969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32894045796044696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,annacampbell,2018/11/13,i think im leading someone on but i just cant stop so theres this guy who likes me but im not interested in him at all. but then sometimes i get intense feelings for him but then they fade literally over night. i do not want to be with him but i also cant stop flirting with him and trying to keep him interested in me. and i feel like shit but idk how to stop doing this because in the moments that i do have feelings for him theyre just so mucb i have to act on them. idk and hes like 28 and im 19 and hes probably at a totally different part of his life and looking for something more than just casual sex and flirting but im not ready for that but i also really want him to be into me and fuck!!! idk,-0.8765356429047273,1.1090677088607601,2.1417654896735527,94.51852431712194,90.26582278481013,5.351632245169888,19.708194536975352,6.8360192770164,0.22014683544303806,550,18,133,8,19,194,82,158,0.17800000000000002,0.696,0.125,-0.7885,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,9,10,2,0,2,0,11,4,1,2,2,39,21,23,0,2,14,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,11,0,4,4,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,4,24,8,22,19,4,19,0,0,1,2,14,9,2,0,11,96,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326201319138697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866020843866022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519561316613817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206198223466265,0.10390392884699244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445896006056868,0.07598754082168484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401063344941206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6284100882860734,0.0,0.0,0.12927570020416024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027301192922989,0.2131671208575104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221348081671482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648764180600378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749971739559265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681127896260938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317399050181303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929431689731798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232326947200538,0.11196850271658253,0.14384604381923027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364788547298318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931934819813142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987456992213982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157114264041887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xo_em,2018/11/13,"Handling triggers and abandonment I am very proud (also emotionally exhausted) on how I handled a triggering situation with my roommate and support.

When I was a teen, whenever my parents and I got in arguments being told to shut up or that I was twisting their words was always a precursor to physical abuse. Hearing those words put me in fight or flight and is also accompanied by a strong fear of abandonment that further triggers desires to self harm. After getting in a disagreement with my roommate and hearing those words, I immediately flashed back to abuse, started acting defensively but ultimately walked away to call a support. After a panic attack outside the house (where I felt safe), I texted my roommate explaining that I was feeling very triggered and was scared he hated me - he asked me how we could remedy and in the future avoid the situation and came outside and hugged me so I felt safe coming into the house. I felt silly asking for that but it literally went miles into calming me down, and stopping flashbacks/counter productive thoughts. 

Here’s to a big step forward in how I see conflict and handling/managing my symptoms. He seemed genuinely concerned and apologetic that I was that upset - instead of the angry, reluctant and fed up person I unfairly anticipated. ",11.64409691629956,10.015632991189433,10.885026431718064,57.453530837004394,56.092511013215855,13.661497797356827,48.250660792951535,12.340626583579946,6.261056740088106,1047,58,152,26,10,339,134,227,0.22399999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.095,-0.9847,1,1,0,0,3,0,22.0,1,0,1,2,11,22,4,5,13,0,10,4,0,7,0,51,33,24,0,2,4,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,9,20,1,8,7,0,0,8,0,13,0,0,15,7,26,9,26,16,0,32,0,2,1,1,16,18,0,3,8,112,35,0,0.0,0.28781690618127503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426062583999493,0.10106319596061368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270945904095591,0.1381765700332224,0.11411425228343555,0.09339408388323366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240227011623154,0.13891615900824628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046257369953042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697472344269796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662445668794182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667457202520586,0.06141306344834153,0.0,0.34985760136422234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345704954517108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714145224623028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991511614585602,0.0,0.0,0.273785097748841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802935870398301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250537176736672,0.13486528276301238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605287116014672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220993324625661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160114003537413,0.0,0.09678669358672076,0.11057125030790042,0.1267076972463594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27304886994517313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596894644426167,0.0,0.0,0.10154473864665632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756593168733611,0.0,0.12624187978791668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964244763466866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605879499069754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004319536709009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259323979319626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dallycpoz,2018/11/13,"I go from 0 to 100 quick My sister used to tell me this all the time, the closer I got with people they started to notice. 

I recently moved to an internship and al of my friends here have started to tell me that, without talking to each other. It’s just their instant reaction like “oh wow that went from 0 to 100 real quick.” I’m always like 
......... hahahaha oops yeah sorry hahahaha.......

It’s so embarrassing 

Anyone else get told this?",0.9965775401069514,3.54378429411765,3.2495187165775405,85.52828877005348,88.41176470588232,5.9144385026737964,21.844919786096245,7.348242739294969,1.1133529411764704,335,12,65,6,11,114,61,85,0.052000000000000005,0.7909999999999999,0.157,0.8567,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,10,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,9,4,12,7,2,10,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,8,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887117690501195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503111113965402,0.22026083416993228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795787623813895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608428225146815,0.0,0.11231227181345,0.0,0.12217166460938805,0.0,0.17193010496439204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004569398748105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284777048033441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447432866353605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490322275980145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468144012096885,0.0,0.0,0.21225565452904074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24063985683799105,0.3043119007192667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727836959894156,0.3757842330711752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534997610575846,0.0,0.0,0.20541180251467606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856639337938948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992781360408004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722215298441346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrvolo101,2018/11/13,"Music... Idk if this fits the sub, but music has gotten me through almost every rough patch of my life, and I would say is the main reason why I’m still here. It heals, it helps you cope, and it is there for you when nobody else is. I’m not trying to be sappy or anything, I just feel like it’s one of the greatest things we as humans have created. ",2.964189189189192,3.4151935270270286,4.214432432432435,91.20759459459462,73.18918918918921,6.460540540540541,20.205405405405408,5.6839178017228535,-0.13341297297297314,267,4,61,1,5,88,59,74,0.045,0.772,0.183,0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,12,11,7,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,6,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158966781191802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25960414347633964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26353390612686955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657962756064723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951062741149113,0.22537114804030836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145225036583065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282511527852966,0.15412223992302826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376998859183205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32435471848824343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508736457590341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519339860162089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958361509188636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418277291844354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846617441050085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410015758171367,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,baroness_,2018/11/13,"BF called me cute and now I’m doing math equations in my head over it me and my BF were having a discussion about if i should cut my bangs or not and he said “yeah that would look cute” I stopped him and went “cute?” and it turned into this whole argument over whether he finds me just “cute” or if he finds me “hot” 

I sometimes don’t mind when he calls me cute, if I’m trying to act cute. If I’m trying to be sexual, ofc I’d like to be called hot or whatever else. I am usually very sexual, even outside of sex: the way I dress and whatever. I do try to be more on the hot side. 

In my mind, whenever someone calls something/one cute it means that yeah, they are attractive, but not THAT attractive, where as if you call someone hot,sexy,beautiful that means they are VERY attractive. He claims that he uses the words interchangeably so that means cute=hot and hot=cute. He does call me other “attractive” words too other than cute. He’s called me hot before and stuff but I’m just worried that he actually doesn’t find me THAT attractive and all I am is “”cute”” to him.  Am i overreacting. It feels like I’m running circles in my head. ",3.2255580693816017,4.23733562820513,4.351739567621923,88.37920814479641,73.05982905982907,8.411865258924083,24.87581699346405,8.841846274778883,1.4924417295123176,883,26,199,17,17,289,112,234,0.031,0.772,0.196,0.9891,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,0,9,17,1,0,4,2,17,3,2,1,1,41,31,23,0,7,15,0,5,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,16,10,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,7,26,16,16,23,3,17,0,0,1,1,25,9,0,8,6,112,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.09540144349612276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318811659523966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6987803100247449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855520359958998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166746420952929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457076651823447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049431318522240496,0.0698410706878139,0.0,0.0,0.2680576237857042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066368316861266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955229837237484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209531502129812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194738772922365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742315851046732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299388730027112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566656215025685,0.0,0.09668894935951247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173326713334776,0.0,0.0,0.1119139057199415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991215953805265,0.10633679772247258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443483219864696,0.10767084375256117,0.16132749593700346,0.0,0.07759878999546753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906261955870366,0.0,0.1091475916094627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928188355580074,0.0,0.06944719891126169,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gayasf,2018/11/13,"Getting worse? I feel like ever since I got diagnosed I've been getting way worse. I don't consciously think ""I have an excuse, I have BPD"" but I wonder if that's what's happening since it's gotten more out of hand with me flying off the handle emotionally, getting upset irrationally, thinking about suicide and self harm, and crying for no reason. I just started DBT but so far I've just been white-knuckling my way through life. Can someone give me some advice, or relate?",5.769706959706959,6.73699653846154,6.14478021978022,78.02105311355312,67.13186813186813,8.264468864468865,30.551282051282055,8.344100000000001,2.3118556776556782,379,14,67,5,6,122,69,91,0.281,0.645,0.073,-0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,6,3,1,1,1,18,18,7,1,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,2,10,1,7,14,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,3,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785456653240085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301214475172092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070236629325267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854505098963192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055282650375608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527495808258022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238551198786414,0.13053066893959608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863810246040515,0.17527558329867435,0.0,0.0,0.1461327980904525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157307835288784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905605534141865,0.08926466076315896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786006436996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061018658928855,0.0,0.0,0.3022852408001806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481268375063242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932566275563104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998590788092479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415106009599654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900591834362859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981451607057236,0.0,0.0,0.37240164051453584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkpickup,2018/11/13,"I just found the interviews I did with friends before I was diagnosed to help me understand how to live And all the questions are SOOO BPD!! 

The premise was that I was going through a breakup and had just finished university and had no clue what to do with myself. I'd always ask my therapist, *but what do people DO!?*

So I set out to make a zine with profiles of my friends talking about what they did every day. Like, the mundane stuff. Just getting through the day stuff. I couldn't wrap my head around how easy it seemed for people, so I wanted to put a guide together.

The interviews were recorded on voice notes and it is soooo surreal and kind of sad to hear me ask things like: *how much time do you spend alone, and how does it make you feel?* and *Do you have a need that you feel is particularly harder to meet than it is for others?* I also asked them what they did on friday nights as that night was always extra lonely for me.

​

I wanted help so badly. I was working so hard to be better. That void and loneliness was so strong in me. I never ended up making the zine, classic. I did end up in a deep dark year long depression. It's hard to look back and know that had I been diagnosed I may have gotten some answers sooner. But anyway. Go me for being so proactive. And go my friends for allowing me to interview them!",1.6429988376598246,4.0425401086142365,2.8059331008653,91.3439325842697,82.37078651685394,5.780136897843215,21.566447113521885,7.0983637204850245,0.6366402944595126,1047,33,216,14,29,335,145,267,0.086,0.7929999999999999,0.121,0.9022,0,3,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,4,4,3,19,12,0,0,12,0,30,3,1,8,2,44,52,24,0,4,5,0,4,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,18,15,0,0,8,0,1,4,3,4,0,0,17,7,33,8,33,31,4,26,0,3,1,0,23,9,0,4,14,161,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495266275870165,0.0,0.08875904556414146,0.18470593876320235,0.12025813709350755,0.13486557990207684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880505722121588,0.3112833443788203,0.0,0.0,0.08534482694028782,0.0926724134798911,0.0,0.0,0.09444472237641058,0.0,0.0,0.09816205869592104,0.0,0.0,0.13978862227658473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315935325062665,0.0,0.09559593650412918,0.2253059987114668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712851569513482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660924047976533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935142651241811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122402416500935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169533087936532,0.2572529051175253,0.0,0.05798794405805121,0.0,0.18923534014026916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988513359852308,0.0,0.11390825170437938,0.0,0.12509433582226814,0.0,0.1487891563318316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155795036924508,0.06099746433694254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084486829080592,0.0,0.09800662596355274,0.09822308081406816,0.09320404828150844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226101878046808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159077243247967,0.08229803345940828,0.08560269937234134,0.0,0.0,0.20831409075955387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389364558763174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157608667772473,0.12433473729472352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104156312403324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541150873076624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892099423811823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886850013969509,0.07373714211257268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471944058056442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554500241765175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093011977786412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080239024499833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486557990207684,0.07147422919421792
bpd,mxjava,2018/11/13,"BPD and Obsessive Habits? I don't know if this is a BPD thing or not, but this group's been really helpful and supportive before so I hoped I could ask. Does anyone else have trouble with forming obsessive habits as part of their idealization/devaluation? I do ask for a specific reason. I used to like to pursue a certain hobby, but I could only do it at a certain time of day. Otherwise it was devalued or ""wrong"". Then I lost the habit entirely. I'd like to start again, but I'm stuck in devalued mode. I'm wondering if there's any way to deliberately provoke idealization to get myself started -- or if this is more an OCD can of worms I'm dealing with.

​

Apologies if this doesn't make much sense. It's late for me. I'll be glad to try and explain myself better if anyone is confused. And thanks!",2.7433333333333323,4.944792500000002,4.500000000000004,81.79833333333336,77.125,7.7666666666666675,26.291666666666664,8.648137234880735,2.0939041666666665,640,25,124,14,15,216,100,160,0.10800000000000001,0.675,0.218,0.971,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,3,3,16,0,3,6,0,14,0,0,4,2,32,32,18,0,9,12,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,11,10,16,25,4,10,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,11,9,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485362617456845,0.18487796693296424,0.10346669321490844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127725572804876,0.1558948653883369,0.0,0.0,0.2844779811653229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294677876532835,0.0,0.0,0.13456362887278636,0.0,0.0,0.3832532556582599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295755789947696,0.0,0.0,0.09812366578496552,0.15685917436328273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331468157106594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710115755964252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949169248268573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198242110504732,0.0,0.0,0.15111851491024395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361723727335019,0.0,0.1716309575912348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866485597850412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608885673473478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156079188976604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184718991131333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115716344845814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647627882931501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747069217222472,0.15643474794450518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153840149452005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726571421453043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007856827186235,0.0,0.0,0.10108118714291434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871943904635429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329933922871652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314080829455946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076897610469317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499934871937275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635129724682599,0.18487796693296424,0.0
bpd,zblng,2018/11/13,"Coping with diagnosis. Struggled with depression for 6 or 7 years, as long as i can remember. Taken the gamut of SSRIs, etc, had lots of cognitive therapy yet I still never felt fixed. I just recently got diagnosed with BPD after moving to a major city (from a rural one) and receiving care from a highly qualified doctor. At first the diagnosis made me happy to know whatever I had could be referred to by name, meaning that it’s been studied and cured. However, the diagnosis has continued to erode my self confidence even further than before. I read the statistics-10% of people with BPD commit suicide, etc. And I feel so hopeless. Will I ever get fixed? Will the thousands of dollars I’m spending on intensive DBT therapy, doctors visits, medicine, etc ever allow me to”live a life worth living”? Will I ever be able to go 2 hours without hearing from my girlfriend and not think she’s out cheating on me? Will I ever be the one to diffuse a situation, and stop being the person who instigates over and over? Will I ever stop being emotionally abusive?

I guess Im posting because I just wanted to be heard, by others who have similar problems. If you have success stories to share, please share them- all I can see in the road ahead is pain, hopelessness, and abandonment. ",5.057316909294514,7.152943842553192,6.20559910414334,72.60105263157895,70.14893617021275,9.032474804031356,32.36842105263157,9.549672527348893,3.522872340425532,1013,47,161,24,19,338,154,235,0.161,0.735,0.10400000000000001,-0.9554,1,0,0,0,0,4,34.0,0,1,1,3,11,13,1,1,13,0,21,5,0,2,8,44,38,12,1,4,6,0,2,0,1,5,5,2,0,2,5,12,0,3,7,1,3,4,3,8,0,4,8,5,21,5,35,18,6,33,0,4,1,0,15,10,0,4,18,126,26,5,0.1029850062430382,0.12202039216515707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277870393348693,0.0,0.08763265510870476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25941202040410977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050000774556486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222514751883944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887008349717209,0.10452761351933276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081903547622144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158442706205336,0.0,0.0,0.34456651445385433,0.06802062534880066,0.4657791707485285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207231350969079,0.0,0.09888175619893667,0.0,0.0,0.08759899370041348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053805415212605935,0.0,0.058528752338318814,0.0,0.08236651735191956,0.0,0.11344959500897332,0.0,0.0,0.10962945414412392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607158675817525,0.0,0.0,0.108809313364968,0.0,0.0,0.1014194863996414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112414790582798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659786614058505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274135553792391,0.0,0.0,0.09093764728538196,0.09113848977593664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875541695291568,0.0,0.0974469029804408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218086288778606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094567634976372,0.0,0.0,0.07942838563888029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139570611006386,0.0,0.10958330762541166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139683630734353,0.0899225351345527,0.0,0.1130466110379018,0.0,0.0,0.09863116829573727,0.0,0.0,0.09854274254569376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301287544831272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168526946127374,0.0,0.11666193634620582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206571646199495,0.0,0.10743582170678363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575946191978975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822439590168461,0.1722001531650054,0.0,0.10766228896735126,0.0,0.1126488816869927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23554465974240946,0.0,0.0,0.06598863364824367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074322493164935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927387098977088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631896752445578
bpd,throwawaylife113,2018/11/13,"anyone else feel like a kid? In a grownup body that's the size of a kid...I'm forever looking up towards people, even kids, and as a guy, it gets very demeaning at times. So, no only physically but then mentally, I keep thinking I'll never grow up, and never be respected. ",5.886666666666668,5.421545444444448,7.381851851851858,74.19833333333334,66.77777777777779,10.903703703703703,34.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,3.6051555555555566,210,9,41,5,3,73,46,54,0.102,0.863,0.035,-0.5151,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,8,6,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,7,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,5,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998535118912036,0.27839812735192365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30180760678366275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269781250378086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946132720566133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738430726266718,0.19410906691900606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195681347225658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26903477082608424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415075716615412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274336330565056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816724944605565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738189106984501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191176847158427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066470478603344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836890922860552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410024848015862,0.0,0.0,0.15843578702025693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241884996629601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunflowerysunsets,2018/11/13,"I feel like no one can help me I feel like no one can help me anymore. I've been in DBT individual and group therapy for about 6 months now. My boyfriend has expressed that he doesn't know what to do to help me when have self harm/suicide tendancies and tell him about them. My parents just tell me the same thing everytime: that I can make it and to just take one day at a time. I do not feel confortable talking to my friends about how severe my mental illness is. Anytime I tell my therapist how poorly I am doing, she has me write out a cycle of prompting/triggering events and it's just the same thing over and over. 
I realize no one can really help me, and that it's unfair to tell people how bad I'm doing (suicidal/self harm thoughts). I just feel stuck and trapped. I feel like the only option I have is to lie about how I'm feeling.",3.712586206896553,4.4953692816092,4.645459770114943,87.58301724137932,71.70114942528734,8.098850574712644,27.143678160919546,8.344100000000001,1.5763540229885065,661,22,145,10,12,215,94,174,0.149,0.726,0.125,-0.6705,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,0,5,0,17,1,0,5,0,31,30,12,0,0,5,1,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,9,0,1,0,5,2,0,4,3,6,24,4,17,27,2,11,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,1,9,99,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403535498361612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442782363342627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065949256828063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794334382632359,0.2680490666169449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662839959965992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353258470895078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873493641391598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330794742586892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348487465412682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604065779405987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982929628400078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390013697317168,0.09512100452477824,0.0,0.0,0.13887489910610984,0.0,0.0,0.08670745627671284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012273601885075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094956849609074,0.14129295606977213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680575342931384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403671267718,0.1005261412702033,0.4372650866681548,0.0,0.14302789410661546,0.14521535049275874,0.16618126112439038,0.0,0.0,0.09929122713913237,0.0729290419102737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadSolemnEnthusiasm,2018/11/13,"Freaking out that my FP is disgusted by me... Three hours ago I texted my FP that I was going to smoke a little pot. She hasn't messaged me back. I sent another little innocuous message 30 mins ago in case she had just been busy or thinking I went to sleep or something.

I hadn't mentioned before that I occasionally smoke pot (in a legal state), now I am paranoid that she hates me and that it was a deal breaker.

I keep telling myself that I am overreacting... But I am having a hard time believing myself.",2.086930693069309,4.3234355643564415,3.7707821782178255,86.01716336633665,79.4950495049505,6.4162376237623775,24.951485148514852,7.554174236665415,1.3317398019801976,396,15,79,6,10,132,65,101,0.134,0.8490000000000001,0.016,-0.875,0,0,3,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,4,0,11,1,1,0,0,8,17,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,7,1,20,0,6,10,0,16,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,7,56,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990663758479734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360317952634492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308420571717148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915393157705625,0.2536050491753976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320631214487008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792670907756992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164095926331252,0.2222347687197981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22167329070073527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20007483051046104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512087664719675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252576194845297,0.0,0.0,0.1732891732023233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967430026174002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423182456288955,0.0,0.0,0.13125473879259458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866537438381524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,likedaisy,2018/11/13,can one of you lovely souls explain the concept that people with BPD have multiple “characters” or “personas”? I’m diagnosed bpd and find this area/perception of bpd super confusing. But I really want to understand!!!!,6.759099099099102,9.292503648648651,7.398378378378378,63.98693693693693,66.56756756756756,12.500900900900902,36.65765765765766,11.855464076750405,5.881727927927928,173,9,24,7,3,57,33,37,0.045,0.708,0.247,0.8612,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8504583930014081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845609616044255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572321527010612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314760840381293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252312693118775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604529704454664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419493638681746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343209708942576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276070857117242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a-literal-manul,2018/11/13,"Dug myself into a hole with black and white thinking (and trust issues?) Hi,

When I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago, I read up on it, and the black and white thinking part really stood out to me, because I couldn't relate to it at all. I generally like to see things on a scale. Then I noticed that I'm actually doing this with people. In my head, somehow, there are ""bad"" people and ""good"" people, and no matter how hard I try, I can't put anyone outside of these categories.

If I feel like someone has wronged me, no matter how minor, I immediately withdraw from them and try to limit our interactions. I just don't trust them anymore. Most people get here very quickly.

If I feel like someone is supportive and understanding, I find myself drawn to them and oversharing with them. I probably hope that since they've shown a bit more empathy than others, I can rely on them.

Then, of course, the person I'm trying to get closer to will shy away, because I dump so much on them suddenly that it's completely unreasonable to expect anyone to listen. I can't really stop myself, I crave comfort and compassion so much. When the person tries to set up boundaries that weren't there before, I feel like they betrayed me, and off they go to the bad side...

Or they don't even have to do that. Just one piece of advice that sounds like ""get outside more and eat healthier"" and other generic stuff that people always say will do it.

I only have about 1 person in my ""good"" people box, but I'm trying to keep distance between us so it stays that way.

In conclusion, I feel like I'm in a world of bad people. I feel like nobody truly cares about anyone aside from themselves. I also feel like I'm a monster and I don't deserve love and support. I'm scared of receiving those things, because I know I will lose them thanks to my own shortcomings, and I can't take another loss like that.

Is anyone else going through something similar? What's your advice?",5.111649214659688,5.859221086387439,5.876006282722518,80.14988376963353,68.50261780104711,8.520376963350785,27.845445026178012,8.608573733854374,1.97502542408377,1533,48,292,23,25,502,195,382,0.081,0.775,0.14400000000000002,0.9592,0,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,2,1,10,4,18,28,1,1,10,0,22,4,1,2,1,54,54,30,0,5,6,0,7,9,0,3,1,3,0,3,23,22,1,3,12,1,0,4,10,8,0,1,3,15,48,20,45,47,11,34,0,2,5,1,22,18,0,6,18,199,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0735571158157141,0.0,0.0,0.1473151382974131,0.06681719619329235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027899005248434,0.06271973394134789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903939658389532,0.0,0.0,0.07475376727778907,0.21082151028112675,0.07723268307321354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081920845766877,0.0,0.1888100346772168,0.13784742821409787,0.0,0.0641403075534791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229220301002901,0.0,0.094934740657745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685191385323496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903139023071924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650610689182731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077129527768146,0.06296784307545802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978582269862866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286773714243645,0.3230962260326253,0.0,0.0,0.06889324715822742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814417384130073,0.0,0.08567701551537901,0.1264453664635189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752302048535941,0.0,0.07735858725995733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486640653291676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867404409861514,0.0,0.06699857473659956,0.0,0.0,0.04142524880279668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314287199126241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432762481799634,0.0,0.0,0.06803071970750198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082159184052573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581725735417098,0.0,0.0,0.051077431719214,0.057327634015430874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162598671101486,0.0,0.3657986310459823,0.1974489664508348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126919580807691,0.0,0.0,0.0757747424636444,0.0,0.0,0.07539743609305177,0.0,0.09657692135930196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059942846027250786,0.07546556466466353,0.0,0.06006574018486074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235266475516817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773343937267465,0.058028926438262615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034189326977832,0.0,0.06301857892505262,0.0,0.0,0.08628867470716214,0.0,0.17107393891925696,0.0,0.0,0.05667415178492274,0.0,0.0,0.0693970493623431,0.0,0.0,0.1001543094036623,0.09659712471297202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25588030460305033,0.0,0.0,0.07847015486793082,0.0906692957793748,0.0,0.0,0.06219395046878715,0.0,0.05983078424896013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241295816304188,0.0,0.04854034113620339
bpd,prof-moriarty,2018/12/04,"Opening up to SO We've been together 4 months , and Im sure if I didn't have bpd I would feel very secure in the relationship .

However , as the affection has slowly gotten less and less as time goes on ( kissing / hugging etc) , it's been effecting my ""fear of abandonment"" quite badly

I feel like I need to open up about it , however I'm very very scared that this will make things worse / make him see me differently etc etc

Do you think it's a good idea ? And if so what would be a good idea to mention ?",2.080474649406689,3.8203272524271834,3.6519741100323637,89.26354908306368,77.44660194174756,7.684573894282633,23.09492988133765,8.515128840125781,1.2904528586839263,389,12,87,8,9,129,73,103,0.141,0.6559999999999999,0.203,0.7393,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,3,11,0,2,4,0,10,2,0,4,1,21,19,9,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,3,8,7,11,11,5,8,0,1,1,2,4,6,0,2,3,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124689417822114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808360843655925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560244550660964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499647728612826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680446467078981,0.15101765306458054,0.10668575002754213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25051209525373586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371645920006572,0.1613086298507525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295808227933527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993660320666341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191986618330617,0.0,0.0,0.11073083666030943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883733990150256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603310994772327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951150249626188,0.0,0.1190015486333957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407475205827044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921227878540384,0.09568855223459176,0.0,0.0,0.08707908928598848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696538025821151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218625880238792,0.2121681821367785,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InternetConquistador,2018/12/04,"Getting Split By My BPD Friend, Help. Backstory: We've known each other 20 years, good friends the whole time, we had a brief romance after her divorce that didn't work. I've been reading as much as I can and trying to be as supportive as I can in the face of the splitting and the verbal outbursts, but it's really really hard. My question is, will there be a benefit, in a few months or years, to my shows of friendship, forgiveness and understanding? Or am I just split for her until I die? (BTW, that last thing actually happened with another really close mutual friend)",5.780961038961044,6.477211381818183,6.414935064935065,77.05954545454549,67.0,10.285714285714286,31.168831168831172,10.290406445055957,3.165064935064935,452,17,85,11,7,148,79,110,0.066,0.743,0.192,0.898,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,7,0,10,1,1,0,0,15,14,11,1,0,4,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,10,8,15,8,4,11,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,3,7,59,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.1846250447472103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838532233446715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238281919398702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963524304209049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385100518482178,0.0,0.09884551680320476,0.0,0.0,0.1586860848370659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730271623293105,0.0,0.16947973748466436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681205801683132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421751966199254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101202155486645,0.0,0.13907859984460638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193942230792487,0.0,0.18924416568180355,0.0,0.36360557839530816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214693937342374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569140082655905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103199407276103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844960589706975,0.0,0.0,0.1969565512887776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122719160707734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773473352849727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24366813611258775
bpd,throwawayMHacc,2018/12/04,"[UK] I think I have BPD and nobody is listening to me. At all. Not doctors nor family. Throwaway. 

To cut a long story short - my GP is always trying to palm me off as having anxiety when I know for a fact it isn’t that.  I’ve been this way since I was a VERY small child and my dad, grandfather and sister are the same.  It is something that’s bouncing down the family tree. 

I have told them countless times that I’m not suffering with anxiety, but they keep sending me leaflets and information geared towards people who can’t go outside, can’t get on public transport, can’t socialise, etc, which isn’t me at all.  I spend a good portion of my time travelling abroad - alone - and I have no issue with that.  I really feel like they aren’t listening to me when I’m trying to explain how I feel and explain my symptoms.  I’ve seen two different GPs as well.

I know you should never self-diagnose, but BPD has been mentioned before by another professional, so I spent a lot of time learning about the disorder and I honestly feel like I hit pretty much every single symptom.   This outside person obviously couldn’t diagnose me and said I would have to work my way from my GP up.  

Is there any way I can bypass them or make them actually listen because this is sincerely ruining my entire life, my suicidal thoughts are going crazy, and I’ve ruined multiple relationships within the past six months alone.  I’m also drinking a lot and I’m pretty much on self-destruct at this point.

I’ve also been on a therapy waiting list since August 2017 and have had no support in that time because there’s just not enough help to give for those who need it.   I even got re-referred by the police because of a suicidal episode a few months ago and I’m still, according to the therapy place, only about 1/4 of the way up the list. 

My family are about as useful as a wet paper bag and I don’t want to spend time with them anyway.  Can’t stand them.  

Would it be a good idea to write down what symptoms of this disorder I’m experiencing and compare it to the common symptoms of BPD or other disorders?   I have no idea how to get them to listen to me. 

I’m sorry that this post is a clusterfuck of incomprehensible shite, but I’ve just torn another relationship to pieces and I feel so agitated and erratic.  

What on Earth can I do?    Is it psychiatrists who do the diagnosing?   Can I refer myself, somehow?   I can not afford private healthcare AT ALL. 

",4.258278541542143,5.576769251046027,5.634193664076513,78.99308368200839,70.9246861924686,8.893819485953378,28.719904363419005,9.312151188531436,2.511193950986252,1914,72,367,41,35,644,230,478,0.122,0.7859999999999999,0.092,-0.9191,3,2,2,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,8,1,20,12,1,0,22,0,42,10,1,4,6,68,81,34,2,6,11,2,5,2,0,3,8,5,0,2,26,19,1,2,15,2,3,5,18,4,1,2,11,12,48,8,53,64,14,47,0,3,1,0,33,20,0,5,18,253,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0716003323965918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503970967586496,0.0,0.0,0.15198219811528507,0.0,0.1173508688160581,0.06105124906307085,0.0,0.0,0.049895367626034234,0.15387354452589766,0.1122585144413102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418037902508692,0.0,0.062434032247192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27722779414469584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341262118873514,0.0,0.07665795701204843,0.2522714578488098,0.07509918787076032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187647082273806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581272485452516,0.08182899722342425,0.04846140872067838,0.0,0.06181894019515756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075053241333956,0.0,0.1483960287094845,0.10483371514990908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766675167901813,0.07038495520455212,0.08339781571939459,0.12308163756011074,0.05868216356174095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917959813270785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656557543407024,0.0,0.07658113896903991,0.0,0.06521626314518454,0.0,0.0,0.0806464894932195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051824700868935314,0.07169155031089837,0.0,0.0,0.06493177004134834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247562301285678,0.0,0.0,0.04897627333276823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171294062949507,0.0,0.10787349020563326,0.0544042901032292,0.056588886690341324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580259102734049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004172403605584,0.050866795885970935,0.06406546111578725,0.07665795701204843,0.0,0.06936010522840592,0.0,0.07026994143125763,0.14929107905739064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047003879872681724,0.0,0.0,0.15754779628890214,0.0,0.0,0.06979342237962274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308566306987573,0.0,0.0,0.1213878894726741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056485227506831666,0.0,0.08213376849485161,0.0,0.0,0.0585948466701707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051376973872386,0.08326149520123165,0.0,0.3050457437790117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781418825858074,0.0,0.0,0.047013712822371635,0.0,0.05824904571108125,0.2139185514317541,0.0,0.0,0.07010993796097968,0.0,0.09962932700743876,0.0,0.07167362690700957,0.0,0.0,0.06336971255072542,0.0,0.06053945260413545,0.04327661257640385,0.232956607516095,0.0,0.0,0.06597009629054304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341557380093967,0.0,0.0,0.10424250082255103,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sihtdaerouynac,2018/12/04,"DAE try to adopt traits to have some sort of personality? I am newly diagnosed and have been doing a lot of self reflection on how I am as a person. Even as a young kid, I would google articles on “how to find myself” or “discover who you are”. 

In my late teens and early twenties, I would try to adopt traits of people I admired (celebrities, YouTubers, etc.). I just feel like a complete fake and that if I somehow accumulate/learn desirable traits that I can finally be who I’m “meant to be”. 

I’m in my late twenties now and still feel like I have no personality. Does anyone else feel this way or go through similar feelings growing up?",6.263211428571433,5.9676347040000035,7.044685714285716,76.36120000000003,65.96,10.342857142857145,33.85714285714286,9.957137785484203,3.144074285714286,498,20,99,10,7,166,79,125,0.044000000000000004,0.8240000000000001,0.132,0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,13,1,0,2,0,24,21,11,0,4,4,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,5,5,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,4,13,3,16,15,3,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,7,9,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713977820649565,0.1716526810461563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565037857156893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003783685641094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466052639550439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994851212601134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868384911197025,0.11065095247574198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33882964515052505,0.23936469737740804,0.0,0.1835192137354637,0.15311795615691506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521027129995326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779587473604976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369186401670985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242668605213885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614312424579165,0.4388381072938961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747686961257732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378842599468058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274816233970993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132976275286105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380147896845357,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maintitletiab,2018/12/04,"I was just diagnosed with BPD I don’t know how to process it. I was just at the doctors earlier today and I was diagnosed with BPD, along with severe anxiety and depression. Looking at the symptoms I guess it makes sense but I’m just finding it hard to grasp what is actually going on. 

I don’t know what to do or think.",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,78.0909090909091,8.036363636363637,27.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.2590484848484857,252,11,53,6,6,86,40,66,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,2,0,19,15,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,10,12,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.2035171859675972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954211520591927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253292235555642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796259891574637,0.4233528574711893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346235237081904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061323487641815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185252093317331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297441250637319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682210367847274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292300335830101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513160055001714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392104337261334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23560499765268786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167659328081983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363204073551568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976834137629085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mellloyellow,2018/12/04,Want to be loved I feel so lonely. I think that all of my friends hate me. I'm tried of hiding my emotions from them. I'm also so scared to open up to them. I'm 21 and never even been kissed yet. How am I supposed to continue on like this. I just want to be loved.,-1.9014999999999984,-0.04827381666666497,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.5,3.6666666666666665,14.166666666666668,5.148860815047168,-1.322333333333333,201,4,53,1,8,68,41,60,0.201,0.578,0.22,0.0981,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,7,8,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,10,14,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,9,5,10,11,1,6,0,1,0,3,5,3,0,0,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355555889787282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33133481604794685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945508506090619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489358975243634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275725221254851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908121570086511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390473226706058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.531694915107057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271790344371073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949010180283285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887389999865965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998356245301346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34747243262144833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,for-audio,2018/12/04,"I fear I have BPD, after reading /r/bpdlovedones, I fear I am the reason every relationship has fallen apart and Im doomed. So I had a toxic relationship over a year ago. Everyone around me says that he is the toxic one, he abused me etc but now im doubting myself completely. 

Im afraid ive fabricated things that happened and made him look like the bad guy. Sure, he punched me for fun, he yelled at me, isolated me but now im wondering if my potential BPD was the cause of it all. 

I have a serious victim complex, Im working really hard to accept things ive done wrong, not to wallow in it and to work towards never doing it again. 

The more and more i think about it, the more i realise that if he explained his side of the story..id be the psycho. 

Previously ive tried to tell people every thing i did wrong; talked to people in secret, hid from him that there was a chance our baby wasnt his, cheated on him, made him out to be a bad guy, threatened and attempted suicide but people still side with me mostly. 

I dont know if ive twisted the story so much that i managed to make me, a cheater into some kind of victim. 

If this is the case, ive really made his life hell. Ive made every relationship in the last year absolute hell for the guys im with. 

Im actually afraid i dont know whats real and what isnt. 

I always imagined if my ex came to apologise to me, i wouldnt forgive him, now im wondering if I actually need to be apologising. 

This would explain why fanily walks on eggshells, why i cant make a relationship work, why i have no friends. 

I dont know what to do...",2.7066465256797585,3.83186845015106,4.795956495468278,84.25984410876134,74.46827794561932,7.833764350453173,25.32459214501511,8.364918446050245,1.515767274924471,1231,40,265,21,25,427,159,331,0.218,0.7,0.08199999999999999,-0.9937,0,0,0,0,1,1,41.0,1,0,0,4,10,23,5,5,19,0,31,1,0,8,3,53,49,17,1,9,10,1,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,3,17,12,0,0,14,1,0,3,10,16,0,1,11,4,44,7,32,33,8,28,3,1,1,0,30,14,2,11,12,172,61,5,0.0,0.08023629712938493,0.13216853662918962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060029073629381625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634788260029325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060284534454021516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308557396728512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058017581115206,0.0,0.0,0.0774528387379607,0.0,0.06956637538819913,0.0,0.0,0.07100239778795893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930035568669647,0.2380995462671469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552492044973252,0.0,0.0,0.17116929324374794,0.06470869333497001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240607949748555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231976330669221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011582618689198,0.059883953471402414,0.0,0.060663191503399126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851877187709019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705192301738795,0.11165026904024022,0.05520026799239764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783214438972852,0.033084229416651394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568671565798597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563105567238013,0.09040631739094138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978147748878477,0.05021300298904742,0.052229299033906815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045888350367210014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084410819546306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773762594891346,0.07707938920605782,0.08676543544876444,0.0696267191821097,0.0,0.29082074045858824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385310552862965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408072057202378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407392307096212,0.0,0.06382463896124056,0.0,0.0,0.05443020829469115,0.05918965317531408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496908182363682,0.04339179314713352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045976959586541584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833184059513603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468773845896466,0.14790137111461354,0.0,0.0,0.04810584786104806,0.1480808479084618,0.0,0.08721801805724286
bpd,centurychild7,2018/12/04,"How to cope with BPD? I really don't know how to handle this, it's getting out of my control and I can't afford therapy for now. 
Can someone please share something that worked for them?
Thank you, I would really apreciate it. ",1.7006666666666668,4.169797733333333,3.391111111111112,86.78000000000004,82.77777777777777,7.155555555555559,22.333333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.535800000000001,178,6,35,4,5,59,37,45,0.0,0.83,0.17,0.7476,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,8,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,7,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,25,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838410158258718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34182001102780496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922720311855132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749094663490546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33454059645243023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904806959291516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258226507936112,0.23462308862936104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805867877028513,0.348525489786646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187264634050174,0.0,0.0,0.2164964061309443,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fighterchick1185,2018/12/04,"So discouraged So I have been in the process of getting a new psychologist and went to get my medical records.  I was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 in 2010, but upon that diagnosis my psychologist also noted that I had strong behaviors and symptoms associated with BPD and diagnosed it in her notes.  I am kind of upset that I didn’t know about this, but maybe she thought it was more or less Bipolar since they are so closely linked.

Reading back over these though, it makes so much sense.  I have made progress with my mood stabilization, but I still have really bad issues with abandonment, being paranoid about being abandoned, and using manipulative tactics not to be abandoned.  I also have the tendency to go from 0-100 in my emotions really quickly, and how someone treats me or things they say to me directly impacts my emotions and how I feel.  

In saying all this, my husband has PTSD from a traumatic event in the military.  He definitely has anger issues and I am the constant target of those.  Even if he says something that is critical in a nice way, my mind immediately jumps to “he is going to leave me,” and I either a.  Inwardly punish myself or b.  Excessively do the opposite of what he was upset about.

I do have concerns though, because some of his behavior seems to have become narcissistic in the fact that he is never wrong and constantly (in my eyes) belittles me.

However, since learning of my BPD, I have started to question EVERYTHING.  I honestly have never been more confused in my life.  I don’t know if my emotions are justified, rational, or am I making Mountains out of molehills and making a big deal out of nothing?  And maybe I am causing the problems?  I have snooped through phone records and internet browsers looking for signs that he might leave me.  When we disagree and fight I am so busy trying to silence the voice that screams “he is going to abandon you the same way your dad did,” I don’t even hear what he is saying.  Maybe he is just frustrated. 

Maybe I’m not being belittled, but maybe I am just taking it that way?  I have always been a very well thought out and logical person (so I thought), but my brain simply cannot be logical when it comes to the fear of being abandoned and my emotions that go along with it.  

How do I get through this?  I know therapy and medication, but this is a big pill to swallow because on the surface I put up this front like I had everything under control but deep down in my heart I knew something else was wrong...I shoved it down and hid it but now that I’m married I’ve been exposed.

Just really could use a friend that gets the right now.  I feel so alone.",6.4146746347941574,6.74690969721116,6.802533864541832,76.09568658698542,65.57370517928287,10.039946879150069,35.45843293492696,9.888512548439397,3.462514528552457,2076,94,385,42,30,675,241,502,0.159,0.762,0.079,-0.9924,1,1,2,0,1,0,52.0,1,2,2,3,30,27,4,4,20,0,53,13,3,12,4,93,85,48,0,4,20,2,2,1,1,1,9,7,0,1,29,28,1,7,15,1,0,9,8,18,1,0,18,11,57,8,56,59,8,53,0,6,2,0,30,27,0,11,15,285,86,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764582089717808,0.0,0.11807221322265946,0.06142652516858225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676521496990763,0.061638996311361466,0.09000344853222708,0.08153153804853489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859545910012666,0.08241071547468481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583640256693541,0.0,0.06359184870156066,0.0,0.15955254997652948,0.08279860375260034,0.0589415388425939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610811697717136,0.0,0.14985727793219905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166951857772559,0.3321630806394212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975185925978488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269443522001595,0.0,0.0,0.08307123041788017,0.07465410235115592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703535091762382,0.0,0.15427756915700666,0.0,0.16782090800467894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320371742551125,0.08748043289734457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541037516025495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687513828820093,0.12171332346113045,0.0,0.0,0.15633547830875982,0.0,0.0,0.05214326227774933,0.0360661156579912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199260138481725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985296579487607,0.14783197720151586,0.0,0.3708248773177423,0.0,0.0,0.14873750998171106,0.0,0.07831437790453735,0.07454003414504146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054268289042650464,0.0,0.1138734661744677,0.07129856871570682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083501575360425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445926529038305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063849762120462,0.08629496132770904,0.07421235443120028,0.08269848734592991,0.0,0.07384282768398627,0.0,0.14187842448747462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304431068594647,0.0,0.2348275739570359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720555020451595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213404905362706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254986138678886,0.11366487344155793,0.0,0.0,0.05225219331608079,0.0,0.058955023508464426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767302075935113,0.055505595962510416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442286289721664,0.0,0.04904462137131495,0.0,0.14506115095040986,0.17582129083327508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050120869407839774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751848005277042,0.0,0.0609115827464623,0.0,0.175791426887825,0.0,0.0,0.06637560807279261,0.06843452170921223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142739551648724,0.0,0.0
bpd,boldandsplash,2018/12/04,"BPD Help Been unknowingly dealing with this for a while and just trying to take everything in after researching. I was recently told about BPD by a close friend and looked into it. I don’t want to jump to conclusions and self diagnose but alot of things make sense. I was shocked to find that certain things I had been suppressing and fighting for the past few years were actually 8 of the 9 symptoms. Even the emotional instability I always felt different..  and always that I could never just “get over” things like everyone else. My plan is to go see a psychiatrist next week and get an actual diagnosis and treated.
 
The only issue is I feel like I’ve exhausted my own personal outlets of how I could get better and I guess can’t grasp the concept of how talking could make me feel better.. 

My question is for those of you who have been to therapy, what does it do for you? Will it make me happier? What about medication? As stupid as this sounds I don’t want to get hooked to it if it does. Also, will I still feel things as intensely as I do or will that go away? I honestly just want to know if I’ll feel normal for once.",4.85243243243243,5.772431090090091,5.809027027027027,79.77516216216219,69.18018018018017,9.883963963963962,28.763963963963967,10.047579312681364,2.691632072072072,890,31,179,22,15,294,126,222,0.061,0.797,0.141,0.9372,1,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,2,0,4,10,12,2,0,10,0,22,4,0,5,2,46,45,20,0,9,7,0,5,2,1,3,4,1,0,2,18,11,0,1,10,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,9,8,20,8,32,30,3,17,0,0,2,0,12,5,0,7,11,126,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.21432996366312648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782014903878886,0.1827521123896251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031761387532604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942473934873594,0.0,0.0,0.276619865935472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630384195121757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321590395519175,0.0,0.11146135168767443,0.0,0.1147347825836625,0.0,0.0,0.19220217319932806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173752510987672,0.12352868829488085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253270775780178,0.0,0.0,0.10493429256982124,0.0986959146405102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221059202971665,0.07845287028241539,0.10544098188127198,0.0,0.10037021569096936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484389140092939,0.0,0.2294981816112892,0.0,0.12482240105894254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097516419219335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360762951745861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114619808198659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035223086290874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730150865765717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221813235007734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199099333566899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062848690419427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846971907958277,0.0,0.11679100537207555,0.0,0.1075967724752992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169509001374261,0.0,0.08352033368330776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483219606020404,0.0,0.09588745955082836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301951976298152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084304634849691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750946640888912,0.0,0.1145624730531066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769953251126213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414130526937873,0.08256827879938458,0.08826627625232482,0.0,0.0,0.12558464349158088,0.0,0.2918285913897489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493429256982124,0.0,0.07455813863757471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943177040628939,0.0,0.0880881057328277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071817210712122
bpd,dyskraesia,2018/12/04,"Start EMDR tomorrow I've been in counseling for about 10 years or so. My counselor I had for the longest time moved onto a rehab facility last August. Couldn't be happier for her, honestly. She's awesome, I'm glad someone else gets to learn from her.

My new counselor is just as awesome. She grew up with my old counselor, they're good friends and have similar counseling styles. I love her, and things are going well with her.

She recently was trained to do EMDR and asked if I would like to try. She told me how in order to learn it, she had to go through it herself and that it really helped her. So I agreed.

After all the therapy and meds I've been through, why am I so nervous to do this??",2.25632967032967,4.2992267428571465,3.6128571428571448,88.34137362637364,78.0,7.164835164835164,26.48351648351648,8.139509932561175,1.7065439560439568,544,22,113,10,13,178,94,140,0.036000000000000004,0.757,0.207,0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,14,2,0,1,1,16,22,12,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,6,0,20,7,21,13,1,19,0,0,0,1,16,4,0,2,11,78,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110613574189185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863909333738066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744637729208085,0.0,0.11797879016759667,0.0,0.256671242610389,0.18940254359520586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513587430907516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840690097113189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032159022531944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380646148755344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25082907569401824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400051459892183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180931142154523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369544000850464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466259278329038,0.0,0.22296464066866747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133194830297395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983271151390502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582386352474146,0.0,0.15002116316020028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167428892417354,0.0,0.0,0.21577549412480668,0.0,0.1533132669174284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303441335913705,0.0,0.20376252188951727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041218818586164,0.0,0.0,0.14541717637124202
bpd,hamlet1041,2018/12/04,Fact Sheet? Is anyone aware of or have a BPD fact sheet with references they can share?  I want to pass it along to a friend of mine who has a family member recently diagnosed with BPD.  Thank you!,1.9226923076923088,4.23171094871795,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,80.53846153846153,8.002564102564103,17.442307692307693,8.841846274778883,0.9705846153846158,153,3,33,4,4,49,31,39,0.0,0.759,0.24100000000000002,0.8339,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,8,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,7,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060092625049955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7421419525142596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29903906175222306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27774705433951696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276272205188685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290907508072948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712519218763783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737779748315507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,davesnotheretoday,2018/12/04,"Are people with BDP doomed to cheat? I'm in love with someone who has BPD. We have not started dating yet.

I keep reading pretty much everywhere online that generally, most people with BPD cheat in relationships. It's not that BPD alone is what causes it, there are a number of other factors. I've been reading this information from other users on forums who have dated people with BPD, not just informational websites. 

I'd like to know what you all think of this? What's the longest relationship you've had and were you able to be faithful the whole time? If you did cheat, why? How many serious relationships have you had in a 10 year time frame?

As much as I care for this person, infidelity is something I won't put up with no matter how much I love them. There's like a huge battle between my heart and head for this person. ",4.586407867494824,6.097669913043479,5.253680124223604,81.29285973084886,70.36645962732919,7.602691511387165,25.217908902691512,8.07648339933343,1.4214343685300213,660,19,126,9,12,213,100,161,0.109,0.722,0.17,0.8689,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,4,1,0,6,12,4,0,5,0,15,4,2,3,1,25,23,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,15,8,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,11,6,21,16,6,14,2,1,0,2,17,6,0,2,9,86,26,2,0.11699605226770983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121172625986121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5894097287608431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928527266506896,0.12018717372476982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007170298856668,0.0,0.0,0.13864088525126486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399146689942676,0.0,0.0,0.06429797061523566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431672287826973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118701000492165,0.0,0.0,0.1186156337429354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25801668046522525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24333099439689815,0.20431288018411498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902704599629213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176133470555168,0.0,0.0,0.2340554261220448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37682992675573296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913037541989064,0.09006927694563867,0.0,0.0,0.08281040797046127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749663461996107,0.0,0.0,0.1364426778692619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557073959977846,0.1306219141869984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534162179415599
bpd,lilsunflowers,2018/12/04,"I’ve talked about suicide too much - TW I attempted suicide four times between the ages 12 and 18. I’m now 20 years old and haven’t attempted since then, but almost once a week I feel like the world is closing in on me and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I want to kill myself. I tell my FP (boyfriend) and best friend every time. At this point, I’ve said it so many times that I don’t think they take it seriously anymore.  They still care of course but I’m afraid that they don’t realize how much pain I truly feel in the moment. I wish I could stop feeling that way, and I wish that I could stop telling them because I know that it puts so much stress on them. My therapist is always available to talk to and she is helpful but it’s not the same as getting support from my FP. ",2.48943466172382,3.772167554216871,3.3936144578313296,93.47543558850792,75.26506024096386,6.553475440222428,24.215013901760894,7.010146845296331,0.6270033364226135,618,19,143,6,13,197,103,166,0.177,0.626,0.19699999999999998,0.5961,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,5,3,7,11,1,3,5,0,9,1,0,1,0,29,24,14,3,5,4,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,11,7,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,1,4,24,5,14,21,5,24,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,2,14,87,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230020545187982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993534639274667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102863777342585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053980152529358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386529522967314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470627567237006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097590891878376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131773236885348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004132069758907,0.09438734641397437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207644079740084,0.0,0.06902782616857697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855799413030661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461724313432468,0.0,0.07261030604498284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454769998824662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339500669365343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340465623560244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913726507077549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863887835868302,0.14070466873882614,0.0,0.0,0.14058617482748073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489715298445075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281820628180574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567742974943108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929194637178187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055120880305063,0.220918325635213,0.15134428356051904,0.0,0.0,0.2890380974646778,0.14992946838269006,0.0,0.0,0.09933863102507744,0.2123878849380255,0.23095934485605066,0.0,0.0,0.15340279036868235,0.0,0.08465787160221898,0.0,0.0,0.23112264281953665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792845301783492,0.10487158630982177,0.1059795839314093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30386550912901417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508166220572347
bpd,sesame_says,2018/12/04,"One of those days.. Today is one of those days... 

One of those days where I have to make myself get up.
I have to keep moving, not think and just get through the day. 

One of those days where I have to remind myself that a bad day isn't forever. You never know what tomorrow will bring.  

One of those days where I have to force myself not to give up. ",0.9467514677103708,2.7872700547945217,2.0552250489236807,98.90205479452057,81.32876712328766,5.267318982387477,14.53816046966732,6.1826913282559595,-0.9350414872798428,266,3,64,2,7,84,38,73,0.05,0.95,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,9,15,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,5,0,0,8,0,13,14,0,17,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,10,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334612591800276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7215933405393071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702152756446392,0.15333485715982142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420747710189273,0.0,0.0,0.0878448946294427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066956688950865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988657897536735,0.0,0.0,0.12327988037045196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415648350932767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242019646415848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151137379825694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vitunile,2018/12/04,"I feel not worthy at all this happened time before my bpd was diagnosed. whe had a time with me and my partner when they wanted a break from me. They told me i was too hard and they were tired of me and my personality. sex has stopped few months before the break too. Intimacy and sex are a very big part of a relationship for me and as it stopped I wanted to know why and discuss but my partner avoided the whole subject and got angry every time I even mentioned it. Obviosly I started to feel unwanted and ugly and unloveable and it broke big pieces of me.

back to the story, before that they moved out from our apartment for over six months bc of their job. anyway, i freaked out since I was sure they were going to abandon me as the break would be over (since they didnt even live with me closely) so as some sort of coping mechanism (maybe?) i started to search for someone that cared about me. well, this took only few weeks and i went to see this new person.

I was disrespectful to my partner there and I did something I am very ashamed of. While enjoying my time with this new person I felt bad but since i was So Sure they didnt care about me and hated me so I continued . ""If I do this it doesnt matter bc I'm anyway dead to that person""

Anyhow, they came to visit me and few weeks from that and they told me the break would be over and they loved me etc. I went kinda into a shock and pieces bc of my actions with this another person. I was so suprised and confused that my partner's love still excisted towards me bc I had been felting the total opposite. So, i couldnt tell this to my partner since I was extremely sure they would have left me if they found out. 

few months this has happened I was diagnosed with borderline. I havent told my partner of what I did and I think I wont tell them in future. I feel horrible every day bc of that but I am sure it wont happen again now I know what made me do it.

Havent told this to anyone. I just needed to get this over my chest. Am I a terrible human being that doesnt earn to live? I feel like I want to die every day since that happened... ",2.21644734389562,3.8638077954022982,3.4806523765144486,91.04809878844362,76.79310344827586,6.265921093507299,22.79123951537745,7.001395882987947,0.5869366262814539,1641,48,358,17,37,534,180,435,0.168,0.748,0.083,-0.9906,1,1,1,0,0,1,36.0,1,0,14,1,21,22,1,3,12,0,39,8,1,1,6,73,78,34,2,11,7,0,7,1,6,5,3,0,0,12,26,30,0,4,10,0,0,8,10,11,1,1,30,8,76,11,50,39,12,53,0,2,1,4,39,16,0,7,26,261,102,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673102861412928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051166102086459817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562675427974205,0.061098594707659916,0.0,0.0,0.18680121509965505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216214466101598,0.0,0.0,0.0836934267915979,0.1492148638727006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438445568020867,0.0,0.0,0.14854344873044126,0.07594475125372056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161017082906431,0.09666362728393632,0.0,0.18496087356503726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799918933711428,0.052276684869238886,0.1405201610155971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023330158360788,0.0,0.0,0.038231246591005366,0.0,0.04158739700211254,0.0,0.05852523622911832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588358726427867,0.0,0.06555099154223842,0.07224578527083664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261552183461446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043082535077127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950553637176133,0.0,0.0,0.03574991669455558,0.0,0.12923084429460066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208772652952558,0.06924055065190103,0.0,0.0,0.07351475605574803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522426977942013,0.07777411436741609,0.0,0.05425880262269102,0.0,0.1413469593564507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565336422260385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792420766437833,0.0,0.0,0.3194706890777773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856324166953962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831150322562675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026581875797659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062001474043912874,0.05633417520154468,0.0,0.0,0.10358817544266403,0.0,0.058438152839621886,0.122356206947694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758686620370293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791745236370014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688798915947128,0.0,0.0,0.17067719383811736,0.08410462239821401,0.0,0.2796898022928611,0.08130081768441037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075511705054202,0.12948264790366534,0.0,0.11739415339544038,0.0,0.06579367963145309,0.13566908470743586,0.0660296245562183,0.08169797791773895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594560464701612,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway__bpd_,2018/12/04,"Really not doing well.. It feels like the last couple of weeks have been a huge downward spiral again for me.

I feel so awful about myself at the minute I just want to quit. I haven't been able to go to work and I've been pushing people away. I just feel so lonely and helpless i don't want to be like this anymore.

I really can't see a way out of it. I have nobody that I can talk to and I feel like I'm just drowning. 

I wish I didn't have this stupid disorder and that I could hope with daily life normally. I'm just a complete wreck. 

Don't really know what I'm expecting to get from this. Just a rant I guess? ",-0.5114552238805956,1.5530213432835822,1.853861940298508,96.68810634328364,89.29850746268656,5.141044776119403,15.09141791044776,6.6274283507984215,-0.4946999999999999,476,9,113,6,16,161,77,134,0.168,0.6970000000000001,0.135,-0.8111,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,1,0,6,1,15,1,0,0,0,25,31,6,1,7,6,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,4,5,15,5,15,25,0,11,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,2,6,73,23,1,0.1752638425318646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738146369922492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466614939158405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376080436051484,0.0,0.0,0.13993391691303028,0.19392610818994585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008675476887423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35447465949342616,0.2504170482482714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156812397456393,0.0,0.0996064806676948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930728819691716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740765415350442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632042431005447,0.14286342381692355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379403514785825,0.25687518162728945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172135364398888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150588063579855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641467018544244,0.0,0.0,0.3368355162392669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966259101170891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408704377507522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675031050974768,0.1391162803414255,0.14058608272704998,0.0,0.1575832427774678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154476937726487,0.0,0.0,0.12759416474548751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlkalinePottasium,2018/12/04,"First day Today is my first grupal meeting. I will be going for the next 4 months for an intensive grupal therapy and for an individual one. I am scared about everything. So please, send me good vibes! ",3.0276315789473682,5.6872799210526335,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789477,78.73684210526315,8.010526315789475,22.657894736842106,8.841846274778883,1.9612947368421048,159,5,29,4,4,53,32,38,0.071,0.787,0.142,0.4376,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,1,4,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786109196088766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617970450084809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955505326803166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554958666283925,0.2443243153084542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325087849235293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097953973206215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973889416677323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197542914084433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29163698017166034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331210687321057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761134751253849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Laban808,2018/12/04,B P D women are nothing but parasites STAY CLEAR! They thrive on your destruction and only when your e devoid of empathy and compassion a shell of the man you used to be will they appreciate and love you. Search this and other forums and you will see the deep love and appreciation they have for vile and evil men.,4.050491803278689,5.968150114754102,5.030295081967214,80.72740983606558,72.44262295081967,8.814426229508197,23.67540983606557,9.3871,1.9297580327868853,251,7,49,6,5,82,46,61,0.182,0.51,0.308,0.9117,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,5,3,0,1,5,3,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,10,9,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,5,6,0,4,0,0,1,2,13,2,0,0,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6692618847766421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557601379112228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28198437820379196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954526327184441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951874031866686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202229262403657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tophakins,2018/12/04,"I noticed I’ve been unintentionally drawn to other people with BPD..? I’ve always wanted to be the person that helps other people. I never had that growing up, and I know what it’s like to be left in the dark. Although not many people stay in my life for long periods of time, while they are–I always get attached to them emotionally, and I end up taking on what they are/were going through. I’ve always lived vicariously through other people but start to distance myself whenever it got to be too much for me to handle. I have problems talking about who “I” am, because I always attributed myself with my friend’s interests.

Lately I’ve had some realizations, and there are a handful of friends that I’ve made that I’ve then found out down the road that they were diagnosed with BPD. These people have made an impacting effect on my life because we would relate profoundly–I felt that they were just like me, but I have a problem with committing to friendships out of fear that they will leave one day. These friendships balanced out so perfectly before they’d get overloaded, and I’d distance myself before they get a chance to leave me.

I guess what I’m getting at is, has anybody else made this observation about themselves?",10.13137339055794,7.786236493562236,9.449789699570816,68.8121094420601,59.600858369098724,11.89510729613734,38.75064377682404,10.125756701596842,3.8284424034334763,985,36,174,15,10,315,127,233,0.064,0.8009999999999999,0.135,0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,8,2,6,9,0,1,7,0,18,4,1,5,3,33,35,10,0,4,4,0,2,2,2,2,3,0,0,1,19,12,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,11,2,27,6,33,18,2,26,0,0,0,0,15,13,0,2,12,121,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653725410739439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383790066826565,0.0,0.18682403195455344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27652020544883954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079698820992171,0.0,0.0,0.11142119443970404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170447395368453,0.12348418343205435,0.09722970776376208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352947877411455,0.0,0.0,0.10540299364955276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036465253353935,0.16962664776026504,0.0,0.2294154981048704,0.0,0.06238871504891823,0.0,0.08779857720077097,0.0,0.12093157931193516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735811101922729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033048718706387,0.0,0.12383307109288605,0.23247567241072534,0.11927287137632712,0.0,0.15507727472797658,0.10726285011614912,0.0,0.09693497190768398,0.09714905993130186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116205362094824,0.0,0.11129649821355247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069861762826012,0.0,0.08466667612826191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498167409643275,0.0,0.0,0.07438763625907617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38052723642776537,0.09585291325803602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008324419029611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770062117378282,0.11700751842363302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253853113531959,0.08823447571618186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401176545850162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474923178794473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798232631999646,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,woggin,2018/12/04,"more abandonment issues dae get depressed because all your friends have their significant others and theyre going to go off and get married and live with eachother, abandoning you for good because you'll never be lovable and youre too scared for relationships lmao

legit though i have no interest in having a s/o but all my friends have partners theyre always with so i feel like i need one but every time i try dating someone they end up pissing me off somehow and i just end it then and there 

i'm not even jealous because i dont like any of my friends like That (ie romantically), i just get so lonely because it just confirms that no one wants to talk to me. as i speak i havent gotten notifications from anyone because no one cares enough to go out of their way to talk to me.

i'm 20 and this is the first time i've ever had friends, but now theyre all getting with other people and by the time i'm 30 everyone else will be married and abandon me. ",6.7458247422680415,5.73885481958763,7.1213608247422675,78.5594639175258,65.23711340206185,9.409484536082473,34.8639175257732,8.238735603445708,2.593370721649484,761,30,153,8,10,249,113,194,0.135,0.679,0.18600000000000005,0.9217,0,3,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,3,1,12,18,2,1,3,0,12,1,1,0,5,32,27,17,0,2,7,0,1,3,5,2,0,1,0,1,7,13,0,3,1,0,0,3,7,8,0,4,2,2,22,10,21,21,5,20,0,5,0,0,16,5,1,1,14,103,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603073895481964,0.0,0.0,0.0866557651317722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910098591769706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38839622338083707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992187153680906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975399986034648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934527954135562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064501794271874,0.0,0.2257276966079716,0.1316677277183851,0.0,0.08416533742228094,0.1152663941835146,0.10736402630394702,0.12176341424889628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443168986506824,0.09103496206310724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839063629363647,0.0,0.0,0.3938038420858755,0.0,0.26630457472527513,0.0,0.2172616980893388,0.1068809990176096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330022707070329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676541855257253,0.0,0.11252172012407843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448663492533003,0.09828073240907488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590465945295853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834289287810669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681054456361882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757818128692527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796977374450167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484443924502752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519787654190365,0.0,0.222913788981004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651560227094518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751606442350933,0.10114682999287117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OkHuckleberry2,2018/12/04,"Sex and BPD Have any of you experienced a reliance on sex to feel good about yourself?

I am a young female with BPD, and I always find myself looking for sexual attention and the intimacy. This was a problem in my last relationship, I wanted sex daily and my partner did not, he got frustrated with how often i initated and it was a frequent argument. After we broke up, I have been with several guys since and after we have sex a few times/hangout and start to get to know eachother, I withdraw immediately. Its like I want so badly to be loved but im scared of it actually? And I want the intamacy without the pain? If that makes sense. 

Its been a real problem, and i wonder if this is a result of my BPD",4.909290780141845,5.413039503546102,6.8391489361702105,73.93333333333334,68.8581560283688,9.670921985815603,31.26950354609929,9.725611199111238,2.9566652482269493,554,22,106,12,9,195,90,141,0.11199999999999999,0.787,0.10099999999999999,-0.5339,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,1,0,0,4,10,1,1,10,0,11,6,0,3,0,34,23,14,0,7,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,7,14,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,6,3,16,3,18,16,1,9,0,1,1,5,8,3,0,4,7,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.15231326171847615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987250988273366,0.0,0.0,0.10614093445361553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303217321122942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5897384572366432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891961671914709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426558813335779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154626633216862,0.0,0.0,0.1309139570092564,0.12483282461983836,0.0,0.0,0.1545454602549629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859506134515512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577844159171656,0.12722744883292028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625365343993111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106935015305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408698628378167,0.0,0.10418577244600387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608197434908306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298698288898281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776551890588116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757337519331805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562650489219687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763279376090053,0.0,0.12911242699471706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047545786145334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761831599242405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045722612805987,0.1692639874064201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KyubiNoKitsune,2018/12/04,"I have a new FP even though I know it's going to hurt me. 2 weeks ago I arrived in another country. In the hotel I met this girl, we spoke for a while over the 3 days she was here. We exchanged numbers and are still chatting to each other. 

From the moment I met her I knew I had fallen for her, she had just become my FP. I also know how incredibly stupid that is because I know, once again, nothing but pain can come from this. This is especially true because she stays on another continent and has her own stuff she's trying to deal with right now.

We had a very long call on Saturday and I told her how I felt. Amazingly she hasn't backed off or anything but hasn't said anything that makes me feel like she feels the same about me. She's told me that she's not angry with me for telling her. 

Im trying to downplay it in my mind but I know myself, this is going to end up breaking me.

To top this off, I've decided to break up with my gf of 3 years when I get home. I've been questioning our relationship for about a year and a half now and I guess I feel like it's time to end the lie.


She knows all of this too, because i was honest about what was going on in my life.

She said he wanted to ask me some stuff about 'that', that being what I told her about my feelings for her, but said she'd wait for a less emotional time to ask me.

I feel so shit and broken inside. I've been down this road, all that lies at the end is heartbreak. I just want to die.",2.611363636363638,3.2299982834394925,3.955981470758541,92.12143022582514,74.12738853503187,7.110364794441228,22.871453387376953,7.1686216300943375,0.4927375796178346,1127,27,270,11,22,372,155,314,0.109,0.805,0.086,-0.8468,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,4,0,0,1,21,10,2,0,12,0,20,3,1,3,3,49,53,18,1,2,8,0,6,2,1,0,2,4,1,1,21,14,0,1,14,2,1,5,3,5,0,1,19,10,55,5,43,32,7,46,0,2,0,0,42,17,1,4,23,187,76,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882140817809507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013004263942056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101372373009948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491241055580164,0.0,0.18734727260364092,0.0,0.0,0.07704774852313251,0.0,0.18324328743584994,0.11066321943108724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231558031299616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631357724050401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646208226288037,0.10330197922327702,0.0,0.0,0.10399196064621398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271170874338343,0.26624283850984315,0.0,0.0,0.06618126966304952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533210922931089,0.1431660481044789,0.09620788015694323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235045510472668,0.0,0.17083820333970584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038178790552693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100508943959669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072663582452528,0.0,0.1082333819414423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753369747922558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077434589618907,0.0979054870450582,0.0,0.0,0.08867400053461427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668843939558054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117361149354263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677395206517267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961447689982158,0.0,0.0,0.10670991472118103,0.0,0.0,0.10662004936498508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122471263369732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757748759546452,0.0,0.0855704007836499,0.28593993215319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285403830167787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068000530173744,0.08001998808360937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941045221772174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757936824184523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844616183368901,0.0,0.11685505404792673,0.0,0.0,0.2872366796226916,0.0,0.136058681146303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267563704432918,0.11820131699143932,0.0,0.08037453529348526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290512532339846
bpd,Secretstripper98,2018/12/04,"Me: ""Wow, everything has been going so well lately, I'm proud of myself."" My brain: ""This is boring, you need to go out, get high, and fuck every mildly attractive person you meet. Trust me, it's a good idea.""",0.5909756097561001,2.963107121951221,2.573853658536585,91.21443902439024,87.53658536585365,5.231219512195122,13.078048780487805,6.742157984588678,-0.4795697560975611,156,2,32,2,5,52,39,41,0.11199999999999999,0.599,0.289,0.8458,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,2,8,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,6,3,8,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32677182260541343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466288432281665,0.0,0.2630774541677185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27061450437072593,0.15293388174761682,0.0,0.3327185285560954,0.24551926802892995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092742728114605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33044473860405216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33020039896880204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704783505589836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555914177109004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26319002694682025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gogogabz,2018/12/04,"Mindfulness When Out?! Need Advice Does anyone have any good strategies for mindfulness when out or throughout the day. I can’t stop to meditate or journal every time I’m feeling anxious. What are some ways you all snap yourselves back into the moment? I have heard of STOP in which you wear a wrist band and snap it against the wrist etc., but I found it a bit aggressive and I over indulged in it. 

In short, I catastrophize quite a bit and think too much about the future and long term. I’d like to learn how to make small goals and achieve them and enjoy each day for what it is because living in the future is pure misery. 

Thanks to all! ",3.2494155844155834,5.2755799444444476,3.299494949494949,91.80863636363638,74.95238095238095,6.169119769119768,23.359307359307362,6.980632752743323,0.6790095238095238,507,15,103,5,11,154,84,126,0.091,0.792,0.11699999999999999,0.6734,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,3,6,5,1,0,8,0,6,3,3,2,3,28,14,12,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,8,4,17,12,9,24,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,3,14,66,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813705881639612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621743778111175,0.0,0.0,0.20968027659453373,0.0,0.1297789954217285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271841866630644,0.0,0.11314279225264287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052641278754215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393991205526216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242376561515373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699810136982102,0.0,0.0,0.15637981257613465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384722175506367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035057753919604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567626485063518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067699288857277,0.0,0.1638921909833478,0.16425415895593304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238924578822815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748153092048483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644067762271211,0.13762339928220044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974132527982832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103473779271336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087970462724186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892788159196875,0.0,0.0,0.108227487801793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732422824919575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Crazyfool21,2018/12/04,"Advice on overcoming an insecurity? How can I get over feeling so insecure about my SO giving a female coworker a ride home?  

Me: 27 F SO: 30 M
- he has never given me any reason not to trust him, he's always stood up for our relationship ei. Telling an ex fling he was seeing me and no longer intrested with even talking to her. 

- I've given him reasons to not trust me (no I didnt cheat ,it's complicated) things have been kind of rough between us leaving me feeling kinda insecure in our relationship. However we are actively in counseling. 

- he's randomly brought this girl up in conversation a few times. It'd be mildly relatable to our conversation sometimes but then again not really.  

-I know not much about her other than she dates/dated? A friend of ours who is also his co worker. They work at a restaurant/bar and close together often. 

I feel like I'm letting my Insecurity (and BPD) get the better of me. and my telling him I'm not comfortable with it, will just make me seem childish and petty. So I said yes this time but I have a feeling it won't be the only time it happens. 

TL;DR: am I being childish and unreasonable or am I justified in not being comfortable with him giving her rides? ",2.891206963249516,5.123871476595749,4.995483558994199,78.27295454545455,76.78723404255321,8.18762088974855,26.85203094777563,8.97023862654752,2.4530851063829786,947,38,176,23,22,327,148,235,0.122,0.741,0.138,0.7136,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,6,0,1,3,12,13,1,4,10,1,19,0,0,4,1,35,39,16,0,0,10,1,5,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,10,11,0,0,8,0,0,3,11,5,0,0,8,7,34,8,24,23,2,19,0,0,1,0,34,10,0,5,7,127,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560507663333794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915852053510677,0.12398334309017706,0.0,0.0,0.10132789382569846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178201289279942,0.0,0.0,0.1876654408826599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984157991238148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013637889980025,0.10644855488068283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151201937873122,0.0,0.1556969789143711,0.28587660968238304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176382866962325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946325583119294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516483505021295,0.08188875354152547,0.0,0.0,0.15777382157892025,0.0,0.15236678195887826,0.0,0.07279587408342954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946139011212987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953515408573324,0.0,0.1149211434867052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332432824619412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545583840231812,0.30640205147847,0.0,0.3199492685269848,0.0,0.0,0.14173701546041975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873697168851513,0.13564773142714515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473688594818103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976384698145467,0.2604722924224081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899169945751167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606564572801826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923357928895867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847675542360903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zoeys_,2018/12/04,"(Venting) Today I found out my closest friends all had a friendsgiving without me I was talking with a work friend from my old location and she casually asked “did you go to the friendsgiving?”, I asked if it was for the employees but apparently it was just 4 of my closest friends at one of their houses. I was working that night (different location) so maybe that’s why they didn’t even invite me, but that really feels like wishful thinking. I’m so fucking angry at them right now.

This is why I hate opening up to people. Stuff like this really makes me question if they were ever even my friends, which is horrible considering I’ve told one of them EVERYTHING about my traumas and private mental struggles over time. I trusted her more than anyone else and she can’t even invite me to our friend group’s get together.

But because of this stupid disorder I can’t just cut ties with them because losing them completely would just make me feel worse. I can’t think of any totally logical reason for this other than they just didn’t want me to be there. This is so fucking infuriating and it’s taking me everything not to hurt myself right now.

Sorry if this is the wrong place, I just recognize that my feelings about this are 10000% worse because of this disorder. I might find better help here. I really just want to scream and punch a wall right now though.",3.9498277591973263,6.209389457692307,4.567157190635452,82.45262541806022,73.65384615384616,8.060200668896321,27.842809364548497,8.841846274778883,2.3438946488294317,1089,43,201,23,23,347,143,260,0.204,0.645,0.151,-0.9746,3,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,1,1,8,4,21,21,5,1,6,0,20,2,0,3,3,43,41,15,0,7,14,0,3,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,18,9,0,0,10,1,0,1,7,11,0,2,11,4,38,10,27,27,3,22,0,2,0,2,25,13,2,5,10,145,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699612988895423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888660225547112,0.10094410409815954,0.0,0.0,0.18420346861876188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801683508795973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713183033273192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032950373471992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293112746445293,0.2258220507093869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229977586328513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521212014629208,0.08911585172443116,0.0,0.0,0.17708460401143744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944212390026754,0.07038181629971862,0.0,0.0,0.0900443547482078,0.0,0.0,0.10802072677910476,0.3805767180497886,0.18215799790920176,0.05147198184444782,0.0,0.0559904772750516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972668714567434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603504295389327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367741272748134,0.10546636190792508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962625719599533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102172836583829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152406428876584,0.0,0.0989753284657665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928373042053082,0.10451282735883063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924531751529626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033788578592269,0.0,0.13351771243382346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830049814951722,0.0,0.10293112746445293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103635496071642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893409062442826,0.10129368559858212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25240342839887603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028367730633226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299319057686357,0.11278040093304735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407384088972964,0.07918564124280089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625367687104266,0.09679417388869456,0.0,0.05744707670978572,0.0,0.09338425764740142,0.09413888971306997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621782523193122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779570060647604,0.0,0.11329170305063473,0.09496856152903313,0.0,0.14344564999631454,0.0,0.2007980504913899,0.06998489496460833,0.10771478986378323,0.0,0.0
bpd,tianacosette,2018/12/04,"Newly diagnosed (?) Hey, this is my first time on Reddit but I am feeling lost..after years of me being confused on why I act the way I act I saw a psychologist and we did some screening and I told him everything I’ve been going through and my thoughts and what not and he said straight away that it was BPD and it all fits PERFECTLY! I also have severe anxiety and depression and PTSD (grew up in a cult, emotionally abusive mother, was raped, was in a bad marriage, basically I’ve hit every bad branch on the tree of life) and I have ruined pretty much every relationship in my life...I told my roommate (used to be my best friend (?)) and she kind of laughed and asked how they can diagnose off one visit (the guy I’m seeing has more experience than I’ve been alive and he is extremely good at what he does and has obviously seen it a lot and I passed all the screenings for it with flying colors) and then she laughed and said I am just saying this for attention and that she’s never seen me actually have a full blown anxiety attack (which I get often but usually hide them decently well until I’m alone) and now it makes me feel like absolute crap...the boyfriend broke up with me because of how I was treating him and he says that he loves me and is trying to make things work but I feel like all I do is mess things up over and over because I make up all these completely unrealistic scenarios in my mind and then I guess take them out on him:/ I just feel lost and like I don’t have anyone because I’ve literally ruined my relationships with everyone! I recently got a DBT book and it has good points but it is so hard to apply it to my life because I don’t know how! Like I try and do the mindfulness stuff but when I am in that state it feels impossible..please tell me I’m not alone in this 😞 because it hurts so bad. ",4.514274193548385,5.0036346209677465,5.617365591397854,82.39604838709681,69.7258064516129,9.210752688172043,28.134408602150536,9.2995712137729,2.1218956989247317,1437,47,306,28,24,478,191,372,0.17,0.6759999999999999,0.154,-0.8283,0,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,3,5,12,28,2,1,11,0,29,6,0,7,7,68,60,40,0,0,9,1,6,4,1,0,4,4,0,1,24,30,0,0,8,1,0,6,5,13,1,2,17,17,45,15,36,40,10,43,0,6,7,2,32,24,0,5,15,204,69,2,0.0,0.10695037470078456,0.08808653328899299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869765754642452,0.0,0.07218563703867664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381063891510379,0.0,0.0,0.06311604179104792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843864658927519,0.10269053431221804,0.08480781898702308,0.0,0.22610486042653594,0.2751263862448593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472853169522764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368678747792725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464211734286664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774591908914467,0.18323605151735728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899232957623148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153702942566843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210588976679715,0.0862529708644626,0.08112520360553394,0.08829740685577459,0.0,0.0,0.2282058491444689,0.12897200655734434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678015972109073,0.0,0.0,0.06973923884951824,0.0,0.047160226383559344,0.0,0.0513002120570144,0.1514215702819634,0.07219391560111636,0.0,0.0994381060457423,0.08937746901233998,0.0,0.0,0.08086054932684457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663155225806916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399808267005827,0.049607798201527976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912725019067456,0.176397508827796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707186597147186,0.07674087151830357,0.08146853217032769,0.0,0.18075964120117954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822857284633978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635584967235908,0.0,0.06961865517083937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061166534869623486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908489224319876,0.08533048679562916,0.0,0.0,0.09183290890535373,0.0,0.0,0.10551604965550312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912672281624501,0.1938236700570186,0.0,0.0,0.17172715315740708,0.1435661918894433,0.0,0.0,0.07193026485129561,0.0,0.0,0.1019748153951523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333290168823804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786875073154433,0.0,0.07889640738656369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993735495862246,0.0,0.0,0.07166107100817687,0.05263479364160974,0.0,0.0,0.1725059417289252,0.0,0.1225692917372331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796078743314744,0.09941517669855172,0.0,0.0,0.07164889909028603,0.0,0.0,0.081159917677304,0.0,0.08145096798453089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065714677045146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058128303807689824
bpd,seachantie213,2018/12/04,Any Chatrooms or 24/7hr hotlines? Sorry for double posting in the community but are there any places to just vent? Or chat with someone who deals with hypersensitive people or BPD? And I don’t mean the suicide hotline I mean one for BPD in particular? (Once again sorry for double posting or asking a question that might be asked already ).,5.749180327868849,8.088752114754099,5.997508196721313,73.79298360655739,68.8360655737705,7.50295081967213,31.872131147540983,8.238735603445708,2.680085901639344,273,12,43,4,5,87,46,61,0.151,0.8490000000000001,0.0,-0.8693,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,8,6,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,6,1,31,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186906290768786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303576310102421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166800434981797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266363856193986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461516689963094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689916743530528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796770004511259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803757266703541,0.1147708979053775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742126729275615,0.0,0.1769577639725269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244232482794025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973548083692532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350840514000654,0.0,0.0,0.379196330974533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526555420268576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,misty-monday,2018/12/04,I'll take any love he gives I'm obsessed with him if that means him having a side chick so be it,-2.0331884057971017,-0.2309415652173872,0.2260869565217387,107.0968115942029,95.08695652173913,3.066666666666667,12.014492753623188,3.1291,-2.014872463768116,76,1,21,0,3,25,21,23,0.071,0.753,0.17600000000000002,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421996724613522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827243442262429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541661628562611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481425970167513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783508709000664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,just_like_whaat,2018/12/04,"A short funny / sad ""why me?"" about dating I wanted to ask a dbt groupmate on a date.

I'm pretty sure she'd say yes and that we'd have a good time and that we are far enough along individually that we could date skillfully and i have all sorts of other justifications for why that bad idea isn't a bad idea.

Wise mind was like ""come on dude don't do it that will threaten the group dynamic no matter how it turns out"" so I didn't.

And later that night I matched with an incredibly cute and cool-seeming guy on okcupid and asked if he wanted to go to the museum (on me) and he said yes and I'm like super stoked right?

BUT THEN he drops on me ""hey I was talking to my sister today and she's in your therapy group but don't worry she hasn't shared any information about you with me""

Let that sink in. This is a major city. The odds? Less than 1 : 305,000.

And I want to say ""oh well it's different if it's her brother there's no way that'll mess up group"" but wise mind, being wise and all, knows better, and knows that I shouldn't pursue things with him either.

SO instead of rationalizing engaging in potentially harmful behavior I'm going to discuss this with my therapist and figure out the best way to proceed, and hope she does some crazy wise mental gymnastics that says it's okay to date this stunningly cute boy. But I'm pretty sure she won't.

Why me?",2.546524833668574,4.083230612099643,4.0402630357419165,87.85641188302647,75.61921708185055,7.1645365929135085,21.82593222961473,7.893859768569023,0.7926944453040385,1066,27,234,16,23,354,156,281,0.076,0.685,0.239,0.9936,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,3,2,0,4,8,25,0,0,11,3,21,0,0,2,4,54,38,24,0,8,7,2,0,2,0,4,0,4,0,2,20,24,0,0,7,1,0,3,9,5,1,0,4,4,26,20,30,25,8,30,0,1,0,0,33,14,0,5,12,141,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246057410548384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267224062001961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024931267794164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725429613943734,0.10724411639907694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445426638857426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968157920445188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669030103846216,0.0,0.0,0.10611494890450428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252934112613555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782906290836405,0.10170666113855936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006590523837594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043797970409373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27377428520406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328202876558934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399598807952003,0.0,0.11848246998513462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222009901673569,0.0,0.24487492476401296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379376560443813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467288783232897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355489511837823,0.11534549101522774,0.2892911096271786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039003562859036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22857116527644464,0.0,0.0,0.0974637407954038,0.0,0.0,0.13867073202631286,0.14079155034805935,0.08055938064779626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707073518130443,0.0,0.11493976608473826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189544498426176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456586983009887,0.1925001910139237,0.0,0.0,0.10902679492582397,0.0,0.32825333873309165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314484252802188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ssssshhhhrrr,2018/12/04,"Do you think we should date someone who also has BPD or avoid this? Tell me your opinions. I’m just wondering if this is a good idea in general, I don’t know any man IRL who has BPD and I’m not intentionally seeking. 
So not asking for relationship advice, just wanting to know everyone’s opinions on it. 
",2.261693989071034,4.519202737704919,4.237295081967215,82.79124316939892,79.0,7.3453551912568305,26.560109289617486,8.344100000000001,1.9640469945355192,241,10,48,5,6,82,49,61,0.038,0.912,0.05,0.1779,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,20,14,5,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,13,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,5,1,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306849235550209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878513604158764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053573118219558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206936323786444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5946439352928935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22557505213833856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800436013327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664943552169248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594758546546111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534508901001234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002138977473152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633563147312226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512641578291759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924023358466206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25600790233270826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cripplinganxietylmao,2018/12/04,"I saw an informative video today about BPD As a disclaimer, I don’t have BPD, I’m just very interested in learning about it and to be more empathetic towards people suffering from it. So far I think I’m doing pretty good in bettering my understanding of what it’s like living with BPD. 

Anyways, I digress. What I’m trying to get at here is that I saw a very eye opening video where a woman with BPD was talking about what’s it’s like living with the condition and how hard it is. I figured you guys might like it :). 

[here is the link ](https://youtu.be/xOnNk-8gSe8) I will remove it if the mod(s?) ask me to. ",1.9861346153846144,4.4643125749999975,3.645,85.37076923076923,81.58333333333334,6.35897435897436,22.56410256410256,7.61054688173877,1.1262179487179491,479,16,94,8,13,159,75,120,0.038,0.7979999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,7,0,10,1,1,1,0,16,19,6,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,4,10,6,16,13,1,9,0,1,3,0,6,7,0,2,4,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105393815705944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334425230906075,0.0,0.0,0.7601204254988795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882941399908616,0.0,0.0,0.1265523362321032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493965158195343,0.0,0.0,0.13516028670510116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211394004775392,0.0,0.26646245243667377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600615449582299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046023108502647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535008406440591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127292310554763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667884357990604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430181244882141,0.0,0.0,0.10243870929866272,0.0,0.0,0.15707307750018176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24898626027864926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nessie2212,2018/12/04,"Jealous of my boyfriend's sister So my boyfriend has recently started contacting his half sister from his father whom he doesn't know. Thing is, they've been talking non stop for a month, and I'm just getting so jealous. She's texting him non stop and saying things like: ""you're the best thing in my life right now"" and ""I don't know what I would do without you"" and it's driving me mad. The thing is, I know this is a really bad thought pattern to have, but for some reason I can't get it out of my mind. I don't know what to do...",5.2844542772861365,4.222333035398233,5.643495575221242,88.14571533923305,68.20353982300884,8.5952802359882,31.222713864306783,7.1686216300943375,1.6164997050147492,415,14,96,3,6,133,72,113,0.115,0.8440000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.6984,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,3,0,4,0,13,1,0,1,0,19,22,7,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,5,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,1,15,2,10,19,2,10,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,7,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071720601650313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020014728836318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011312752456488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231396021406916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359580773108876,0.09403860684460863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943553065603316,0.0,0.15363994976739775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331102787845236,0.1979069721887177,0.19005603654975367,0.0,0.0,0.16438141558145514,0.0,0.15307205600560728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624210354714675,0.0,0.0,0.32185270076179123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547124127883855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115147869779397,0.0,0.0,0.15281184700131406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855489841668074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673605200110264,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grey_horizon18,2018/12/04,"I need help what steps do I take? I’m 99% sure I’m BPD.. I can’t take it anymore . If someone can please tell me what I should do next...Do I call a doctor ?? What do I say at my appointment? :/ I’m seriously so ashamed to take this step, but I can’t take the highs and the lows I can’t take the emptiness anymore. ",-2.5033246753246736,-0.7947317999999992,0.3775324675324683,103.69019480519479,102.71428571428572,3.6883116883116887,16.363636363636363,5.565023196281405,-0.9041428571428568,234,7,63,2,11,80,42,70,0.191,0.731,0.078,-0.8129,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,6,17,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,2,16,0,5,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,33,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670716347213113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330842425344645,0.0,0.18897315389214409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942296937232825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240458888432586,0.1955324687488302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722414942332065,0.0,0.0,0.19681986996797252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314697571693655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717197060654674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680588452775684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744225852338914,0.0,0.6957332820708714,0.0,0.16175590640168386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnonGurlzz,2019/03/12,"BPD worst fear!!!! What am I doing wrong? Long story short-
My bestfriend of 4 years randomly stopped talking to me. I asked if I did something wrong or if I overwhelmed her by venting to her ( had just recently vented to her about my mother who had cancer and who was a addict). She told me I did nothing wrong and she was just alittle busy. Well its been a month and a half since weve spoken and all of our other friends have excluded me as well. They all go out together and I dont get an invite. I dont know what I did wrong or if its not me and its them. Was I wrong to vent to her about something so personal?? Its driving me crazy and im about to snap and say some mean things but I dont want to...I really just want to know what I did wrong honestly.",1.0213871635610765,2.7707722981366487,2.7413416149068333,94.52575983436856,80.67701863354037,6.032463768115942,21.292339544513453,7.0316486544052195,0.3681847619047618,584,17,136,7,15,193,90,161,0.187,0.75,0.064,-0.9418,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,2,0,9,13,0,2,4,0,17,2,0,0,2,29,26,16,0,5,10,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,11,9,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,9,2,1,12,1,28,4,15,14,4,9,0,1,0,0,19,2,0,7,5,100,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114164393606765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388600918299938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995688198303935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907097637654994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250454783523138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585418444640328,0.0,0.058057742545840924,0.0,0.06315437249876064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200330696466967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221417706024578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834130922547736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104669447069813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869817622801039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662654669307302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970292557595216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118892773773211,0.0,0.10972161764312427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837032438323736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192298290388964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710974834471161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929047022432972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931732192662335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382589747538121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061838154790669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108771674935654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982777721326672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7289803867109642,0.0,0.07156026075120324
bpd,slut4pancakes,2019/03/12,"Im not okay. But i will be, maybe not today or tomorrow. Hell maybe not even this year but i will be. And so will you. Youve got the strength you need to survive because guess what? Youve survived a 100% of your bad days at this point AND youre awesome. I love you. We can do this. ",-2.3547214076246306,-0.7551905483870911,-0.2595601173020512,106.96247800586512,107.70967741935483,2.899706744868036,15.313782991202347,4.851557810540192,-1.318890322580645,214,6,56,1,11,69,43,62,0.11699999999999999,0.618,0.265,0.9362,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,5,0,3,2,5,1,0,2,1,7,1,0,0,0,11,11,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,9,3,3,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,2,1,2,4,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569785842702676,0.172079538438095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205176550351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864479047973565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257707056789253,0.0,0.3109709618378961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049184065953458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25477504365252474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5671904778835376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931223770650328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668524633878912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267575074227458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817835763763194
bpd,fucupaymeb,2019/03/12,"What’s your vice? All of our vices we don’t force ourselves to have are typically unhealthy. Out of curiosity, what are yours? What do you do to substitute those unhealthy habits? It’s like non dairy low calorie ice cream for Ben and Jerry’s. Sometimes it work, sometimes it don’t.

Drugs and alcohol haven’t worked for me lately. I force good habits but sometimes I’m just too tired. Too tired to stress clean, to make plans to better myself (unfortunately most of the time it’s about how to be more attractive), so I reverted back to ye ol faithful tonight. Temporary, of course, I don’t want to be the bro in their twenties with cuts, but it felt, so so so amazing. Haven’t done it in years and won’t again after tonight. 

Anyway, ramble over, what’s that vice you want to get rid of?

TL;DR drop that comment bro I’m bored.",1.879986366734833,4.379147595092025,2.564979550102251,92.80189331970007,82.25153374233129,5.585412406271303,21.93899113837764,6.937597516519254,0.5314201772324472,650,21,136,8,18,202,99,163,0.14,0.7140000000000001,0.146,0.4898,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,2,5,1,4,12,10,1,1,2,0,14,4,0,2,1,16,21,10,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,13,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,2,13,6,23,16,3,14,1,1,1,0,11,5,0,1,9,84,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043552176857798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421553118549327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587406577083486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919303070436236,0.0,0.0,0.21750020319974028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007885768262485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798792093793328,0.0,0.0,0.15730930484103098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115662678413196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162819219784417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251920865599371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564797050901863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483961635586327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093627913486116,0.4311257322176795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212454749618976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27307946006834216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077702069194755
bpd,yungdarko777,2019/03/12,"I think I made a mistake About six months ago, someone broke my heart and didn’t tell me why. I’ve started talking to them again and it really hurts. They keep calling me “man” and it feels like they’re hammering in the fact that we will never, ever be more than friends again. They’re talking to a girl I used to date and I’m afraid she’s telling them things. This isn’t really BOD related I guess, but my BPD symptoms make this so much worse. I’m too crazy to ever talk to anyone ever. Ugh.",0.9028861429832276,3.0745591650485484,2.1530803177405144,96.3037246248897,83.5631067961165,5.2988526037069725,20.0432480141218,6.574015621080383,0.06516310679611648,386,11,87,4,11,123,74,103,0.168,0.7929999999999999,0.039,-0.922,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,3,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,4,2,1,3,5,19,14,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,1,13,2,8,10,2,11,0,2,0,0,14,1,0,1,11,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461293771311951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526679409787766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762251801611034,0.0,0.1683300493499961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447348172006604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335299831491573,0.11776871063502033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736252554656066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816006100794997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534777450224225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764750912987225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652605246432002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053727211200064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598484093492065,0.1100385034310872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158151589950345,0.0,0.12118355087435766,0.0,0.12714230745829938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121397136535272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396766775453833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668151767304705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134203380173793,0.0,0.3975000089622253,0.2881719349700785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951886403482007,0.10562907807547317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237727490128488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875127922038642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679960020049329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nobodynever98,2019/03/12,"Substance Abuse So I really like Energy Drinks. I drink a lot of them. Like a litre a day at least... I'm really hecking addicted to them and when I'm not getting enough I feel absolutely down and horrible.
Now does that already count as Substance Abuse? It would be my 9th of the legendary 9 and I never thought about it because I never drink any alcohol and never smoke anything. But a friend of mine asked me if I'm not overdoing it with the Energy Drinks and yeah it kinda just dawned on me that I'm pretty much abusing it to feel better momentarily but it destroys my body on the long run... ",1.7890239172592108,4.2393235714285735,3.6472268907563037,85.21779573367812,82.19327731092437,7.022882999353588,23.43956043956044,8.139509932561175,1.578884421460892,471,17,93,10,13,158,74,119,0.11900000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.125,-0.5113,0,0,6,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,5,5,1,0,7,1,2,7,1,0,3,21,11,11,0,2,6,0,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,6,5,0,3,4,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,2,12,4,12,8,4,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,3,9,62,20,0,0.0,0.4917571580540248,0.0,0.15081909274916852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785130225873505,0.0,0.0,0.1526698021044595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408097981862856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384812669576384,0.0,0.12933614853848704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433529424836038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235703740919288,0.0,0.15367277922891429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922263129904516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106874678763055,0.0,0.0,0.5421111516075814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294985238894667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990521010709006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106886862240039,0.0,0.07228080925209841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517910817930398,0.0,0.0,0.1224331002555931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176180167359843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170126143840436,0.0,0.3201061437151184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407490480997184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725778099655187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983238634640714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827802742766653,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,asicomeinpeace,2019/03/12,"I keep doubting myself and saying that I might be faking BPD symptoms I don't know how to explain but at the same time I'm starting to think I BPD, this part of me is saying that I am faking to have it, that I'm lying to myself. Life have always been extreme for me but there is always this version of me saying my struggles are not valid. I know I need help but I'm just scared.",1.4865331010452962,2.969986085365857,3.2249128919860617,92.80597560975613,78.39024390243901,4.685714285714286,20.25087108013937,3.1291,-0.4012494773519162,297,7,65,0,7,99,51,82,0.22,0.7390000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,1,0,10,2,0,1,0,16,20,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,13,0,8,17,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326494383807725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035096002185703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398223582400914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767165816809502,0.0,0.0,0.21970893183189327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118841058020876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120519902077118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482161038969701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164616854249363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768823019376214,0.2001250334245973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148336336016618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20896871313873933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077625292393756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280816150903024,0.0,0.0,0.11655762508558593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bigwormmood,2019/03/12,"Splitting on my bf and I can't tell if he's invalidating me or if I'm oversensitive The evil store director of the store he works at that i used to work at got fired and i was excited to be the first one to tell him (I learned through my sister's husband who currently works there) and he seemed excited at first but then he said he was going to ask his female friend from work because she'd know for sure. I tried to hide my irritation because maybe it wasn't that he didn't believe me, maybe he didn't believe my sister's husband. I mentioned how satisfying it was later and he ""well we don't know if that's real yet."" This morning he sent me a screenshot of a conversation he had with his female friend and the keyboard was up so only the last few messages were visible in the screenshot. The first two were from past midnight the night before with him saying ""I'm dumb"" and her saying ""haha ok"". (Which made me suspicious and uncomfortable because I'm afraid he deliberately opened the keyboard so i couldn't see the previous messages) Then was the message of him saying ""someone said x got fired, do you know if that's a thing?"" She said yes and he instantly believed her. He didn't ask for proof or a source at all, AND he said someone instead of naming me. I hate that he always checks info i give him with his friends before he believes me. I've never once lied or exaggerated to him about anything so he has no reason not to believe me. It feels hurtful and devaluing that he doesn't trust my knowledge in these situations. Like even if he thought my source was questionable he should've kept it to himself until he found out for himself it was true. But he immediately believed his friend and he's told me in the past regarding situations i wasn't involved in that he trusts her judgement more than anyone. But he does this a lot. I speak Japanese and he asked me what a certain word on some art meant, and I told him, and the next day he said he asked a girl from work who's been to Japan what it says and she said the exact same thing. I smoke weed and he doesnt like it but his buddy from work said its cool and he should try it and suddenly he wants to. He even told me to my face that I shouldn't take it the wrong way but for some reason he feels comfortable trying it when his buddy said he should and not when I did. In those exact words. I'm trying to be good at dbt and check the facts, use appropriate emotions, respond appropriately to situations, etc. I know that if I say it makes me uncomfortable he'll think I'm starting drama, but should I so he knows its hurtful behavior? 

TL;DR
I give my bf information and he checks the facts with other people before he'll believe me even though I've never given him inaccurate information. Should I tell him it's hurtful?",4.191321428571431,5.332229775000002,5.104642857142856,83.40035714285716,70.89285714285714,7.957142857142857,27.57142857142857,8.317959484511023,1.7210857142857146,2214,76,453,33,40,723,233,560,0.114,0.777,0.109,-0.5964,1,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,1,0,9,16,27,3,1,24,4,32,1,1,7,11,97,83,47,0,13,17,4,4,2,6,7,0,14,0,1,35,28,0,1,20,2,5,2,16,8,1,5,37,20,64,19,47,35,8,39,0,3,1,0,113,15,1,14,23,272,99,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735685600482388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979546499048915,0.0,0.046835222998611065,0.0,0.21282694882697326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408240594060847,0.0,0.14528840213619454,0.4488566843155856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03670470436971293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980566583334073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402038507301595,0.0,0.0,0.06347395177001998,0.11277312044206582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575546730913132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523259403340194,0.0,0.06240306402169288,0.17588589901041615,0.0,0.0,0.1091938409019111,0.03234543445671438,0.047736610439784034,0.09103835916523036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056190612558246984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827822584752792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639173026089254,0.04639235801080587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055610433479066135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048386092967563625,0.0,0.0538532308897359,0.037990415584728064,0.0,0.1143551602174935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779089042713165,0.0,0.06052849131803504,0.05340976292334223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061135890604395,0.038566276146595815,0.04328552336820801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866135878983983,0.0394568754147866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375650171175624,0.0,0.0,0.06478038512048825,0.0,0.11703376816428294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331045938537457,0.22630076288959136,0.0,0.0,0.04535294444038394,0.05181220254646678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192054872249656,0.0,0.0,0.09644578691978194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028389344855026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364060009650851,0.0,0.0427921082666576,0.0,0.1492355570278817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562202373382522,0.03646807661676379,0.055917537404233525,0.04518321430751294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315077680533108,0.0,0.15456298651890246,0.0,0.05559653047019895,0.0,0.0,0.09831053085356274,0.0,0.0,0.033569244554522815,0.04517553975887924,0.0,0.0,0.051172357627411166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486036248948357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622263257096794,0.0,0.0
bpd,lord_of_serpents,2019/03/12,Possible change of diagnosis. Had this diagnosis around three to five years. Turns out they may want to change it now. New diagnosis is something I've never heard of with a lot of similar features to BPD. Does this count as a cure? lol,1.892666666666667,4.6882728222222285,3.3305555555555566,84.5425,87.44444444444444,7.4444444444444455,23.055555555555557,8.344100000000001,1.8578888888888885,187,7,37,5,6,61,36,45,0.0,0.907,0.09300000000000001,0.4767,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,10,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406807237766212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34051320581636024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5720172028894392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365968110773419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298532728168825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085209018809584,0.2611186319496464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047940820415095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813893454253105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29407771479008565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946732322487622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410514904440222
bpd,bklove1,2019/03/12,"I applied a technique from therapy and it worked great! i was on an airplane with my fiance and he said something that made me very upset and angry. But before I went off on him, I remembered something i learned in therapy called ""pillowing"". So I said, ""I may be misinterpreting, but this is how i understand what you'v'e just said."" (insert my interpretation) He then told me i was misunderstanding and clarified, and I Felt much better. The situation completely de-escalated from there and I still felt a *tad* bit pouty but I felt good because i was much more in control of my actions and emotions, and didn't hurt my fiance n the process.

DBT really is helping my life!",4.25989818181818,6.573122408000003,5.456218181818183,76.18410909090913,72.92,8.705454545454547,31.363636363636363,9.339509955726095,3.1462000000000003,531,25,95,13,11,176,82,125,0.063,0.7959999999999999,0.141,0.8954,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,5,0,8,1,0,3,0,24,18,14,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,4,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,13,6,21,3,9,3,4,9,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,1,2,67,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938561328985949,0.0,0.12477318151405868,0.0,0.0,0.12968424343125615,0.16008435841691196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972784580586698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374104638247954,0.0,0.16446045338629894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494146146284913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223696508796052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298811202464005,0.0,0.16166249131889904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828445646928084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697277675961205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357064209515772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874691002433914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558304164453304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393632645732088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661056707850541,0.0,0.41844233244049495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482070908579566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257692252414079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710064489218483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33537334396921065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011332762410436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526492661203578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098690148075895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359294958789459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674997025908088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,desocx,2019/03/12,"Just wanted to rant I am so fed up with being addicted to cocaine, literally spend my entire months wage within a weekend all on coke and then at the end I’m just fucking depressed and fed up with myself because it happens every fucking time and now I’m just sitting here coming down feeling like absolute shit and just wanting to jump out the window or something it’s so fucking hard dealing with this shit ",4.887637130801687,6.5878922151898776,5.5272784810126625,78.88602320675106,69.8860759493671,6.785654008438819,33.41983122362869,7.1686216300943375,2.411529957805907,331,16,55,3,6,107,58,79,0.17600000000000002,0.778,0.046,-0.9035,1,0,2,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,5,0,3,0,2,9,2,0,1,18,14,8,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,9,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,6,0,0,2,2,3,1,13,11,1,16,0,1,0,3,1,7,5,1,7,39,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270236700185279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694750819246506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938927598145926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146970135263878,0.17936576050026773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444803842948854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545993998288725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529765719400247,0.1487741241625734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775724048398362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841551369917933,0.0,0.18655144983042546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017406241122823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622347887123046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275320767043563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032132865721244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143248032706296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456629577067155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bobboulion,2019/03/12,"A tiny ray of hope My first counseling session today was incredible. I mean, I cried through most of it, but also found out that my counselor specializes in DBT & treating BPD. 

She told me clients with BPD are some of her favorite to work with and some of the most interesting and wonderful people she's known. 

How about that?

It's hard not to focus on the destructive parts of my self. But today I remembered that I have an immense capacity to care, love & create. That as many people as I've hurt, I've lifted up. That I have the potential to heal, and can work to eliminate my unfortunate tendency to destroy myself and others.

That if I work hard, this is an opportunity to get healthy and feel whole, and work towards my goal of helping others who are suffering from mental illness. I know I have a lot of healing to do, but today I feel it IS possible and I'm so grateful that I've been given this resource and opportunity.

Just feeling hopeful today and hope I can pass on some of that hope to y'all. I'm a lurker and have really appreciated the support even though I don't participate. 

❣️❣️❣️

Also I wanted to recommend The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety

Here's a link for a free download (epub)

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bpd,weareinnoir,2019/03/12,"Is anyone else afraid/hesitant of actually getting better? Hey, I just recently got diagnosed with BPD after struggling for years. It was so validating to finally be able to put a name to why I am the way I am.

That being said: I've found that now more than ever, I'm afraid of actually recovering from it. For the longest time I thought I just had depression, and even then I was hesitant to ever actually get better. But now that I have BPD, and after identifying with so many of its symptoms, I feel even more like ""if I recover, what will actually be left of me?""

I feel like... I'm hesitant to even start, and I can't fully put my heart into it, because... I don't even know what to expect. I've probably been sad and numbed out and hopeless for so long, I don't even know what happiness would even look like for me at this point. I don't know if I could ever be actually content, just within myself and not depending on relationships I'm in. I don't even like myself enough to see if I could... I'm afraid to be alone with myself that long. And what if I really don't find anything on the other side? What if I actually can't get better, and ""happiness"" is a lie, and then I just return back to my illnesses but this time with even less hope for the future, i.e one of the only things that motivates me currently.


Would love to hear from other people if you've experienced similar things, or especially those who may have felt the same but went through recovery and can let me know how it went from them - if they made it to happiness, contentedness, etc :)

Thanks guys and I hope you're all doing okay.",5.0241588785046725,5.3622715638629295,6.476353582554518,77.21714719626169,68.5638629283489,10.407538940809973,28.82258566978193,10.355215969177356,2.7760989408099688,1256,41,257,32,20,430,155,321,0.051,0.802,0.147,0.9871,1,1,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,2,4,22,23,0,3,8,1,31,6,1,4,4,61,60,28,0,14,16,0,3,4,0,4,4,2,0,1,24,17,0,0,11,0,0,4,8,7,0,1,12,8,32,16,39,36,7,36,0,3,2,1,10,10,0,12,25,189,56,1,0.07764718889131636,0.0,0.4546347336976193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041907052446688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429271985987457,0.0795587209394134,0.06389702048829081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059705895382487675,0.0,0.047333005652995315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601788592748105,0.0,0.0,0.19558783247981373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398992424090426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687741001455035,0.07881026226420028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064864262849035,0.0,0.0,0.08023030252666018,0.0865971407212479,0.41028188763708107,0.21070898321296094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852150348086484,0.055471167258598346,0.07455347804091585,0.08505870006582841,0.07096812394923044,0.0,0.0,0.0851361348369043,0.0,0.0,0.12170235427852905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621015501620822,0.0,0.0,0.07688292467605054,0.0,0.2479706292552505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751402510631108,0.0920122926928482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424235720110066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069145746099426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436389792302369,0.07939951139937074,0.0,0.15173797752516305,0.0,0.0,0.1374306375085517,0.06520408272446965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007961952306932,0.0734716475594481,0.0,0.07872206232759235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052615744717799125,0.05905418606818207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053830784084391466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340169129172036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371680243370715,0.0,0.0,0.15611374226650093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974277747368098,0.0,0.07666723160350992,0.0833640222200296,0.0,0.0,0.07386025766298357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187475653094397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495907994516167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117370084137393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807051598357085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148709930229315,0.0,0.0,0.103170684167118,0.0,0.0,0.06164319470454122,0.09055340052935784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163272436277941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395944403229508,0.07006451072676377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031667036341446,0.0,0.0,0.05000224388292057
bpd,Volpina777,2019/03/12,"BPD and a very painful breakup - cannot cope Hi, I´m new to this SubReddit. 

I (40F) decide to write here, not on Breakups, because people stop replying to me as soon as I reveal my diagnose.

In short: I was in a relationship for the first time after 1995-1997. He was my second deep and serious relationship, at least I felt so, although he referred to me as his lover and mistress.

He (37) has avoidant attachment style and is commitment-phobe (allegedly because he cannot recover from his fatal 2007-2012 relationship, when his ex-girlfriend left him after cheatd on him). His mother was schizophrenic and died when he was very young, his father is a beater, alcoholic and a womanizer.

In short: our 4-month relationship was passionate, tumultuous and with a honeymoon of two months when we were madly in love with each other. He behaved like in a relationship (holding hands, sleeping-overs, travellings, introducing me with his friends and sister, going on various events together), but then he began to act coldly, said he could never give me what I want - love, and started to psychologically abuse me.

Links to our story with further explanations:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/a0u364/i\_found\_my\_boyfriend\_on\_tinder\_looking\_for/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/a0u364/i_found_my_boyfriend_on_tinder_looking_for/)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/ablyyn/my\_avoidant\_lover\_left\_me\_on\_christmas\_eve/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ablyyn/my_avoidant_lover_left_me_on_christmas_eve/)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/comments/asgl4w/unfriended\_my\_ex\_finally\_but\_his\_posts\_are\_almost/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/comments/asgl4w/unfriended_my_ex_finally_but_his_posts_are_almost/)

So, I immediatelly started no contact after he left me on Christmas 2018.

In the first month i was flushed with adrenaline because of my projects, and it didn´t hit me immediatelly. The only feeling whitnessing my grief was denial.

But this month, after I blocked him on Facebook, I became suicidal for more than a week and I started to obsessive, racing, overwhelming and intruding thoughts about ending my own life (mostly with carbon monoxide).

Last week I finally got a job at a company for which I was doing freelance jobs. It helped a lot (being among young, friendly and energetic people), but now suicidal ideation is replaced with pain and despair I cannot deal with, because I started to notice I have the urge to cry in the office, and I cannot do that because I don´t want to lose that job.

I uderstand the pain is actually coming to terms with the fact that he is gone forever and will no longer be a part of my life, but:

1. it aches like hell, like someone ripped off my arm or leg
2. nothing helps: the more distractions I cover myself with (job, exercise, socializing, creativity), the more I miss him
3. he was, in a way, my second boyfriend after about twenty years of loneliness and ephemeral affairs (I tried to kill myself after one of them) and I am feeling as I lost a soulmate and that I´ll never find anybody because I´m too old. Panic settled in like a bat on LSD.
4. I keep rereading a looong list of his negative sides and of all of his wrongdoings and his abuse and manipulation, as well reminding myself that I went through two semi-psychotic nervous breakdowns in front of his eyes, yet he acted cold, aloof and even amused.
5. I know the intensity of my feelings stems from my emotional instability, but it still doesn´t help
6.  I entered severe existential crisis and dread, this relationship was just a trigger, and I´m afraid of hurting myself, because I don´t wanna die nor let my demons and shadow self beat everything beautiful, assertive, progressive, pure and functional I achieved last decade of my life.

Please, help me with advices.

​",13.265374909504605,14.76182598634812,9.720096183679805,57.00252818285245,51.08191126279864,11.335112214293106,38.747336849725926,10.959497528513188,4.492121274175199,3212,123,425,62,33,913,319,586,0.20199999999999999,0.6890000000000001,0.109,-0.9971,4,3,1,0,3,3,205.0,3,0,1,7,16,34,3,8,26,0,30,18,4,2,5,79,56,46,7,4,8,3,5,4,3,1,10,1,0,2,15,41,1,5,11,3,0,9,11,22,1,7,19,9,71,12,77,31,12,78,2,7,1,4,58,27,1,3,45,293,86,6,0.0,0.15595383451107742,0.06422339647541858,0.0,0.0,0.06431110320726237,0.0,0.07033342722234323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713076941674296,0.07996925412117943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28083034324163764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288839796041704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566915442510122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254583607404482,0.0,0.07229181716175515,0.0,0.06784968151691166,0.0,0.06679818779211713,0.13660573520889407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403007763226159,0.05829024101595959,0.0,0.0,0.043468461134875735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591479301179208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983016141319416,0.0,0.06319021258979833,0.07209425342734235,0.06015132972052474,0.11195996607190226,0.0,0.0,0.10169297438082267,0.0,0.0,0.06313323880912175,0.03740269636224152,0.0,0.052636178217525205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645062382581878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045352179253701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612345575971332,0.05849707374847026,0.0728116556555617,0.0,0.036168766929636866,0.1072917590597628,0.0,0.0,0.14301070277993494,0.06729762496256463,0.1394557064074761,0.12861043253406484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362722725677534,0.07184199508063689,0.05595133822805379,0.11879649809079602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101232786949765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015171406156579,0.06356201377867991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314876060550899,0.07492783916783928,0.06905902965943997,0.0,0.04459617688746317,0.05005328617825125,0.21008706068726232,0.07721665645154986,0.0,0.07126840209956731,0.0,0.09125204563364303,0.0,0.0,0.0722422381907298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946051206991738,0.0,0.0,0.0626026512284212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865667312535384,0.07434926492275575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708744092557141,0.055762622208792516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632938592447865,0.0,0.052557857528799136,0.05502210268495178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397613989547353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224768421879032,0.03837573229674762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468229095318026,0.0,0.12857827899969962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086042239431077,0.07763570236553173,0.05223880974184837,0.1055814547356502,0.0,0.05917323995259498,0.06100874239373145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996925412117943,0.04238101969159155
bpd,Callalitha,2019/03/12,"In a relationship and honestly scared//vent So I'm in a relationship, and he's firstly wonderful, but also younger than me and a bit on the naive, sheltered side.  He knows about my BPD (and other plethora of issues), and I've been super open with him about pretty much everything, because at one point I made a decision that it was either honesty or nothing, and despite my absolute terror of telling him, he was incredibly understanding and kind and he's already seen me through some episodes that I'm sure probably really scared him, but he refused to acknowledge it if that was the case.  

Anyway, my BPD diagnosis came after some serious episodes I had post-breakup with a narcissist (N), who preyed on a lot of my insecurities and in a lot of ways, really broke my mind as well as my spirit and my heart.  I am scared.  I'm scared to trust and I'm scared to admit it.  I've been working really hard with my therapist (unmedicated at present due to several reasons) on mindful thinking and bringing myself out of rough states, and she suggested I tell him about all my fears and i did this, and holy everything he said ""I'm not going to lie, this is a lot, but I'm not one of those people who is going to give up on you or run away because of 'a lot,' I know I can't cure you or make you different, but I'll still stand by you and be with you through it.  I'll show you you can trust me.""

Those fears don't go away, of course.  I'm afraid I'll hurt him, I'm afraid he'll run.  I'm afraid I'll push him away and run, since I did that to a lot of people already.  It's been years since I've had a healthy relationship and now that it looks like I'm actually in one, I'm suuuper scared and nervous and just an emotional train wreck.  I'm working so hard to keep that fear away and keep my head above water.

I want a future with this man.  I want to be as good to him as I can and I'm so scared I'm going to hurt him that I almost can't concentrate on much else.  I'm grateful he's being so understanding, but I'm sooo scared I won't be able to be what he needs while he's busy being exactly what I need, if that makes any sense.",4.422913635983613,4.4287583024830735,5.698730875344875,83.42888554468692,69.81264108352143,9.362060028425716,29.27422456316361,9.250403328903447,2.152675177660732,1660,57,371,31,27,559,193,443,0.157,0.708,0.135,-0.9335,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,7,0,4,15,29,0,16,15,0,25,3,2,4,3,77,68,42,0,6,14,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,24,30,1,3,10,1,0,10,6,20,1,4,14,6,44,9,55,46,12,42,1,3,2,0,39,20,0,14,10,224,68,2,0.07021010057638208,0.0,0.068514930233781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030527389923079,0.0,0.15495718374157486,0.05614699206472208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04774527599887672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26385880266676753,0.0,0.0,0.08559885128953887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665124557278757,0.0,0.17685432770973156,0.0,0.0,0.08030165087517024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733546116441589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865152986823635,0.07897691312724575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262006224492656,0.0,0.0,0.2370176481548821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597206756834241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735192608655037,0.1596080725998426,0.058888901267809726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578891889451255,0.0,0.0720558188058747,0.0,0.0,0.08319930723146694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503227295737128,0.0,0.0,0.07328110384494546,0.0,0.12481192670309205,0.0,0.0731130155289353,0.07717127024804568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03430110869245498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058958801618479814,0.0,0.0,0.2984505838654187,0.0,0.0664344947745847,0.09373157465020182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178437386460602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032250048027044,0.1041197998968664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736848507992252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272854360672374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973496869271286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663712389547251,0.0,0.06724186848780142,0.07142891327296333,0.07569836336291402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493516478481207,0.07218767686825915,0.0,0.2261381178671851,0.0,0.0,0.06678588359939347,0.0,0.4920479124962384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931742914072204,0.0,0.11615704145588672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056069877014382936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617218889082996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273344507841673,0.0,0.0,0.08151933821220876,0.0,0.04498779748973813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618238158439886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828234728018614,0.05572950982635138,0.0,0.0,0.06312731231227528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613985911271233,0.10222757883573644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04521300284262129
bpd,LastXception,2019/03/12,"Today my gf said I was the prettiest thing she had in her life and I fucked up,need help I have childhood traumas and today I was having flashbacks of all my shit,my GF tried to help me,and I said I was a piece of shit that doesnt deserve living or breathing,she tried to calm me down and told me I was the prettiest thing she had in her life,I started panicking and telling her she was lying and I didnt belive her.She knows I have bpd(we started dating 3 weeks ago)but she doesnt really understand how I feel.
She is telling me I have to break up with her cause I think she is a liar and she cant do it because she loves me so much.

I love her so much and I dont know how to fix this.",0.6385056390977439,2.2469464407894755,2.385075187969925,97.30052631578948,81.30263157894737,5.658646616541352,20.72556390977444,6.5431188927421005,0.01702481203007533,537,15,132,5,14,177,75,152,0.134,0.716,0.15,0.3566,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,4,0,19,5,1,3,1,18,32,12,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,11,3,33,3,11,21,4,12,0,0,0,3,24,4,2,1,7,88,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836863302913147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515394885965414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659595194307156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035237069767327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294195767674454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789262273071872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430713884659316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925412491716547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157125339868906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050876463365315,0.0,0.0,0.13783457919708414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817633251980132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294952953237698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999833390187994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296963824015248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204581637074045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096942335816447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27286749250542996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740491480773385,0.10001925299598444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959192610609789,0.1491552826075704,0.0,0.21195626266374928,0.0,0.0,0.1625002047564191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520984306634705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,euvestigatorjj,2019/03/12,"Some people can dish it but they can't take it (giving people a taste of their own medicine) Have you held your tongue when people say or do slightly offensive things to you? Well, I do and sometimes I give people the benefit of the doubt as to whether or not they meant any harm, because I am trying to change my perspective to view situations like this more compassionately. However, what if these offenses keep happening, and it just seems like the person is being rude or disrespectful to you? This is what triggers me. Mind you, I believe I express that I am offended. I even say what types of things offend me. However, some people continue to treat me with this kind of behavior. Once the buildup happens and I notice it more and more, I start not giving AF so I start to be just as rude and insensitive. When this starts to happen, the other person gets genuinely offended and for some reason can't keep a joke, but when it's reversed and I mention that I am offended by certain comments, I'm the one being sensitive and my feelings are sometimes overlooked. I don't understand it. 

​

Aside from expressing what is offensive to people who dish it and can't take it, or completely cutting off another person, what are some strategies you've used to 1) make yourself feel better or 2) at least keep the peace? ",5.849553508150251,7.0918026064257065,6.140023623907392,77.12968107725018,67.11244979919678,9.553602645877627,32.31774155445311,9.773937934552695,3.1843095204346787,1055,44,188,23,17,338,136,249,0.171,0.716,0.113,-0.9223,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,5,3,1,8,22,10,1,9,0,19,3,0,4,1,43,43,24,0,1,13,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,24,10,3,4,6,1,0,0,6,12,1,1,2,6,26,10,22,38,9,9,0,0,1,0,22,2,0,12,9,138,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664891990997076,0.1308179605042165,0.07321208692974003,0.11289027272482928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562817378878537,0.0,0.0,0.12129528199304347,0.0,0.09521599452446973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388937494454675,0.0,0.11287883742252885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110802138162271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088716595429813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624759542809072,0.3098301327852808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856085678248628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28707787639148097,0.0,0.11211070282064713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051938940069194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186348856286262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087053084047363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257094570460307,0.0,0.11465375228153694,0.0729527988076872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478248534196091,0.2820121184529908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069179858253014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123015934809385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098009078547999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101368152832905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295580799652666,0.0,0.22860564209815215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618929477695915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304824925055304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309366877792306,0.0,0.0,0.11207723700670644,0.0,0.09298315905293787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679873411467717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308179605042165,0.0
bpd,ilovelasagnedoyou,2019/03/12,Does anyone else suffer from quite severe memory loss/confusion or made up memories? Just wondering if it’s a BPD thing or just a me thing. I seem to have severe memory loss and regularly get memories confused or muddled and have tendencies to make memories up (without realising). Also get confused between dreams and reality. ,7.674999999999998,9.562200315789477,9.013114035087725,55.82388157894738,63.38596491228071,13.419298245614035,38.81140350877193,12.602617957971056,6.362161403508773,266,14,36,11,4,92,40,57,0.253,0.7040000000000001,0.042,-0.9097,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,16,8,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,7,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544199930224625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214257375750415,0.2375982601583617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29205678621164805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029281187656451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371397399817228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230545097019798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194195108338543,0.15478808357930154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466430935032131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111035484806374,0.0,0.5239384016302975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30811424276318705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353326319186176,0.2514743387175004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,urhsjdudj,2019/03/12,"Good residential programs in the US? I consistently get to a point in therapy where I get very aware of feelings stop dissociating and decompensate entirely and blow up at people. This just recently happened. Residential has been recomended several times for me. Im going to talk with my DBT therapist about it, wanted to see if you guys had good experiences with any program.",7.007272727272728,9.21886275757576,8.151939393939394,60.1279090909091,65.36363636363636,12.552727272727275,37.44242424242424,11.979248473330829,5.66582787878788,306,16,47,12,5,104,56,66,0.033,0.8809999999999999,0.087,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,12,8,0,10,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,3,30,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240375373456785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922440825684528,0.0,0.0,0.11331769305788007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341783998046941,0.0,0.1273679378831516,0.3759487999076474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190598176602444,0.19818138261348225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420792726423573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537094929484155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211858152353168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128343022777416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858814102593507,0.0,0.0,0.2531826172270117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873675547106289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013262836651356,0.0,0.0,0.2562914498617948,0.26021114938765244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068143109401434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695789801563193,0.0,0.0,0.18491576001720966,0.13218698487190153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Judy_Mitchell,2019/03/12,"Something I learned at therapy today “My old behaviour doesn’t serve me anymore” ☺️

Hope this helps someone today. ",1.5285714285714285,3.193945666666668,2.9051428571428595,81.71485714285714,116.14285714285714,5.48952380952381,32.77142857142857,6.742157984588678,3.1958114285714303,93,6,14,2,5,30,20,21,0.0,0.731,0.26899999999999996,0.7096,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,6,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178903683346601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485175951948526,0.0,0.0,0.31836936672638555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363536769965886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715932023863176,0.2467679887085121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665663709003657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6076704479763568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,futurelullaby,2019/03/12,"Seething, uncontrollable anger I hate being angry because I know that once I start to feel an emotion, I can't stop it. Especially anger. 


I had to call out of work because I'm scared I'll start screaming at the top of my lungs at someone or getting in a fistfight or start punching walls. Now I'm angry because I missed work. I'm just so fucking upset right now with every horrible thing happening in my life and I want to release this anger. I'm fucking tired of being angry at myself. I don't fucking deserve it. My face is stuck in a scowl and my muscles are in knots, I literally feel like I'm going to explode at any provocation and I'm trying so, so hard to keep it together and not spiral.


I legitimately feel like someone poured gasoline all over me and set me on fire. My blood pressure is pounding. ",2.6355555555555554,4.761264777777779,4.2096543209876565,84.11744444444446,77.14814814814815,6.29530864197531,28.701234567901235,7.3011,1.7253279012345681,642,29,123,8,15,214,95,162,0.295,0.65,0.055,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,6,15,7,4,4,0,8,8,3,1,1,20,32,10,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,13,0,0,2,6,18,2,20,28,1,22,0,1,0,3,1,14,3,2,8,71,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725960893642897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884463160797148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105666205739586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742138127411802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289160228047622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925417475218674,0.22536006497856045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374475582269072,0.08240572482275096,0.0,0.08963975541035224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394772574606309,0.0,0.14129220081876812,0.1557225262446134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019479591123155,0.0,0.0,0.08668250517734563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114070787114316,0.15411466066402976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797385716669558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469779557490982,0.0,0.0,0.1579120075028826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26728275242114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334919448418954,0.0,0.0,0.13186663814487576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478665420629077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128371391633308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708612003333223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303133260444044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296539269915838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,armalavi,2019/03/12,"I think I'm in love with my best friend I helped her and her boyfriend get into a relationship together, and to be completely honest, I thought it wouldn't last long or be as serious as it's gotten. This said boyfriend and I are also close, we're ""bros"". He texts he everyday usually to talk about her.

My best friend has been acting really differently recently. It's just, there's something weird going on, she's so different. For example, she would also gush to me about him as well, but now, she never tells me any updates. In fact, she never talks to me anymore. No calls, no invite to hangouts, she's always with him. Recently, she's been ignoring my texts for hours, purposely I believe. Is this just a simple case that she doesn't want me or doesn't need me anymore?

I got over a rough break up with my boyfriend, but in a way, this is even worse for me. She knows I have bpd, I don't know what the fuck she think she's doing to me. Does she think I'm some kind of toy? 

Honestly hearing her boyfriend everyday, talking about her, things she's said to him, things they've done makes me feel something I've never felt before. It's not just rage, jealousy, sadness. I'm so confused.

At the same time, I feel intense feelings of love and hatred towards her. At times, I just want to get her out of my life, and then suddenly, I'll want to beg for her not to leave me.

Has anyone had a similar experience to this?",2.2512587412587406,4.206490489510493,3.511888111888112,89.47629370629373,77.67132867132867,7.057342657342657,24.28671328671329,8.012643519586192,1.2860881118881111,1104,38,235,19,26,359,149,286,0.128,0.75,0.122,-0.5546,2,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,2,15,17,2,1,7,0,18,4,0,1,4,46,47,17,0,6,10,1,5,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,12,11,0,1,10,2,0,2,11,7,1,0,10,8,47,10,38,33,4,33,0,1,0,3,40,12,1,4,17,155,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366366453237225,0.09034772169595244,0.0,0.0,0.07383850219898233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153654723106288,0.07592205013262479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239405673744776,0.12233310538961473,0.2278971915306352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675341059712148,0.0,0.11087288881068064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384464826471465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268871439059291,0.0,0.0,0.09501957721040248,0.11111560825498668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171643390238316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621261979764564,0.0,0.0,0.16470477641798506,0.0,0.10425436250003026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777813810546027,0.10038097537480584,0.11345771915203876,0.0,0.061708832827336024,0.0,0.08684179051791956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223781792214026,0.0,0.0727792586294577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692997683417764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306994137042012,0.11934606908634562,0.08850764607245734,0.0,0.11497113215080335,0.0,0.0,0.07669365857274135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609037618314442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599638406172246,0.0,0.07247836499139547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051110725407938,0.2512320581926639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955948522821953,0.0,0.21442040171699306,0.116574883162631,0.0,0.0,0.20656994895707845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718123520937805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618188164626377,0.09490419276793538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427219479461215,0.2087221100545037,0.0,0.08620083375399609,0.1266283920277602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958614347583725,0.0,0.192130877369464,0.08618619219958149,0.0,0.0,0.09762696081378698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106528639589699,0.07713251241982212,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,llamapillar,2019/03/12,"Splitting and jealousy I’m in a new relationship after being single for over a year and half after a very abusive relationship. I really like the new guy I’m with which I didn’t think I’d feel ever again. My issue is is that he’s slept with a lot of other girls, mainly all the girls in his friendship group and his new housemate and I feel so jealous and insecure about it and worrying is killing me and I keep splitting from thinking he’s amazing to hating him, my emotions are all over the place and I feel threatened by these girls he’s slept with especially his friends. Can someone please help me because I know I’m being irrational and I really want this to work. ",2.669293915040185,4.9798306940298485,3.9285074626865684,85.25627439724455,77.88059701492537,6.5111366245694615,25.97933409873709,7.61054688173877,1.5227745120551095,539,21,103,8,13,176,81,134,0.198,0.67,0.132,-0.8947,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,1,7,0,8,2,2,0,3,24,22,10,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,12,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,3,15,3,16,17,5,13,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,1,9,70,21,1,0.0,0.19792130104588312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182923149166913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790341805240066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110198850999182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533892865470578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905874267072573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540105633665128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492259692144584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196690721792783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435183708601834,0.0,0.14847748989271356,0.1848108148649592,0.0,0.0918036985801791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160986940467897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201589453791955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840000184777412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745267282811637,0.1833655173404565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21402692402592044,0.0,0.0,0.35868815848937546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153689483679016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407169726553246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782982232714214,0.09852761407226286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161092857293107,0.1696425558621883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075716616177871
bpd,patron_saint_of_NOPE,2019/03/12,"I'm moving 1,500 miles away with my SO and our son. I've lived in my hometown in Louisiana for 25 years. SO is from California. His family is offering to let us live rent free, so we can work and go to school and get on our feet. An opportunity we can't pass up.

But 25 years. It's a lot to say goodbye to. My family is here. The few people I consider myself close to. The streets I grew up wandering. The comfort of knowing exactly how to interact with this city...

But weirdly enough, I'm more upset about losing the bad stuff.

This city represents every horrible thing that has ever happened to me. Every breakdown, every shitty relationship, every fake friend, every night I've spent trying not to jump off a bridge. I have put my sweat, blood, and tears into trying to survive this place. And I still don't feel like I've beat it.

But I'm leaving. Finally leaving this dumpster fire of a town. And I guess in a way, that's a win. I think I'll always miss that bridge, though.",1.7611928934010166,3.9984882030456887,3.6454086294416257,86.4707525380711,80.67512690355329,6.7826395939086295,22.032741116751264,7.908726449838941,1.1377068020304568,764,24,156,14,20,257,126,197,0.153,0.7709999999999999,0.076,-0.9156,1,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,5,0,0,6,9,12,0,1,10,0,9,3,3,1,2,24,21,14,0,0,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,11,12,0,0,3,0,3,6,3,6,0,0,1,3,18,7,25,19,4,27,0,2,0,0,12,14,0,2,7,95,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827617212662766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225869471966827,0.0,0.10865069375168074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445608028849615,0.0,0.0,0.11770741258672167,0.5481884737805806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534449922936144,0.0,0.06579617204414953,0.09296282680898894,0.0,0.1425478783591248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005358752804376,0.0,0.06798603936767053,0.0,0.07395423016234468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334967218539893,0.0,0.1150709654821845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151445147956882,0.0,0.0,0.27557162174486444,0.0,0.13306377694429924,0.0,0.06357352847497309,0.0,0.2298092280830065,0.0,0.0,0.14557894056696033,0.0,0.11062940770724444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383045145698403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211546904509685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021374716166032,0.0,0.13595512418979955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081367764596932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970780754645218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348229347203547,0.0,0.13169557315948066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391967078738157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896439777484302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645066363288059,0.08338019188777111,0.12784921584028294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669551934593794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565268801297584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032888356935576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473407918547527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759517305553906
bpd,p003rm,2019/03/12,"I think my FP is abandoning me Something has changed I feel like they’re avoiding me but not telling me up straight that they’re avoiding me... 

I keep trying to reaffirm myself with reasons why  ie: they may be going through something I can’t help with and need some space/own time to sort through, they could really just be busy; but no the only feeling/thing that my head keeps getting back to is that they hate me and are leaving me behind.

What’s weird is that they’re are also kind of doing this to one of their other best friends whom they live with. 

My only kind of idea is that my FP has decided to stop  with alcohol etc, so that may be a problem for them hanging out with us, what’s worse is that I understand that fully but can’t seem to reconcile my own issues with substances; my entire friend group/age group is pretty much “drinking friends” but with my FP it was different we could hang out without it and suddenly they don’t want to do that either. 

I’m sorry this is such a long rant I’m just feeling overwhelmed with signs of splitting and the worst feeling is that it’s probably me overthinking things and nothing to worry about.",6.971973684210527,6.238741197368423,6.466491228070176,82.54210526315791,64.65789473684211,9.35438596491228,34.35087719298245,8.344100000000001,2.516887719298245,915,35,183,10,12,283,128,228,0.14400000000000002,0.703,0.153,0.363,1,4,4,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,7,1,7,15,1,3,4,0,25,3,1,1,0,51,40,11,0,5,9,0,3,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,20,16,2,6,10,1,0,3,6,8,0,1,1,3,29,7,29,32,7,12,0,2,0,0,16,4,0,5,6,132,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020114208202195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491179455920896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087624189447113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767476001881704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878056518213347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948748042511087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706458108942776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851527418030015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463104113723482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899929801680616,0.09372144661259554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040688840209088,0.0,0.0685408369959641,0.0,0.0745577309968977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952197569876886,0.13463776030323182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793322022848257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480964107235004,0.0,0.13692723027425513,0.0,0.2332136189543292,0.0,0.2732263076865819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891020702487056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409231796687782,0.0,0.1158422890104106,0.11609813523615906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643900856479734,0.09727497996450386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587938207487218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889706045958133,0.19955028965003466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346637458766195,0.14144392875835346,0.12553015393099734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404303161006911,0.1348841397697562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942953695631545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019914004425676,0.0,0.14685534301773134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967987684999267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114664966920829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715614116317978,0.08406061294386216,0.0,0.0,0.07649735991435883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906871838725056,0.0,0.0,0.13657237387961807,0.15780421210361473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737867019886745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183776658404131,0.0,0.0,0.12646151289013913,0.0,0.0,0.13322879585946046,0.13369279707773965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JaredMason,2019/03/12,"Anybody else's doctor really dismissive with them? My doctor was 45 minutes late to an appointment, which I took time off work to go to, and then she basically treated it as a prescription refill, and wouldn't listen to me when I asked her for help with coming off venlafaxine. I told her its a horribly addictive drug with horrible side effects and withdrawal, and the 7 day supply because of my previous overdoses is extremely annoying and causes more harm.

The 7 day stagger means I have to go to the pharmacy 12 times instead of once for my 3 month script. Because sometimes I cant make it to the pharmacy and they don't let me get it a day early I occasionally have to experience withdrawal which makes me more suicidal. I told her all of this and she said not to come off it. I told her its my choice what drugs I take and that I am going to slowly come off it regardless, with or without her help, and that not helping me is not cool, since I pay full price for these appointments, and this is why I am at this appointment.

She rushed the appointment and obviously wanted me gone after she printed out my new full strength 7 day 12 pharmacy visit script. And a few times thanked me and gestured towards the door while I was speaking about what I wanted further help with.

This has been stuck in my mind since it happened last week and I am livid. I cant trust my doctor. HOW did that just happen?",6.8699391727493895,6.506585288321168,7.2099124087591235,75.90601216545015,64.72992700729927,11.102287104622873,34.32506082725061,10.650279960617883,3.5322158637469583,1115,44,215,26,15,364,150,274,0.11199999999999999,0.8240000000000001,0.064,-0.945,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,3,5,7,1,0,11,1,18,6,0,5,2,42,43,20,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,20,23,0,0,2,0,2,10,8,2,0,0,11,4,40,5,33,30,6,39,0,0,0,0,23,12,0,1,17,152,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036346496334015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321867542988103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461012196005895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342173622260765,0.0,0.2853259508045725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848218978258997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33902869483044706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560816641280349,0.0,0.09223359273831984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080024063471197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768479635669195,0.0,0.18824606108733305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952708312514008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960226413439825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899990864942066,0.12454756626688834,0.0,0.0,0.11290195673811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739939269154653,0.0,0.0,0.12026912542594438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148287372097997,0.0,0.08812840473228642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663490329442664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758330825619726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073163060310056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050254273403239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266499236079606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919855616725173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207708884737094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830147640321133,0.0,0.0,0.10165092014438316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314330646753827,0.0,0.0,0.31650516384357685,0.12266984547820425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024564707419975,0.0,0.08856443924686781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099628073517498,0.0,0.0,0.10643153684359584,0.0,0.0803799738399162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whore__crux,2019/03/12,"Is it a good idea if contact my partner’s psychiatrist and let them know I think they might have high conflict personality? My partner has been seeing a psych for anxiety. They are very aware of their anxiety and they are working very hard at getting better, but I wonder if it’s worth me contacting their psych to let them know of my thoughts? Is that crossing lines or is that something that might help my partner in the long run? ",6.5612048192771075,6.998857409638558,6.2382168674698795,79.90407228915666,65.26506024096386,9.049638554216868,34.672289156626505,8.841846274778883,2.8099175903614464,347,15,66,5,5,108,56,83,0.067,0.8109999999999999,0.122,0.7679,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,0,15,19,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,14,2,6,13,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,3,0,6,1,46,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007658071009383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738587363733941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270475999341262,0.0,0.0,0.16488169402698455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609676518525402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317632038772153,0.2076972061276621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219145109088556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607008272826034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020320466375038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396681508010456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170799128178322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164577863585914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664853954963887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133662800476716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596031002374367,0.0,0.1560622936562381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32439761766937003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131822581709865,0.14311233536230866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aweavewoo,2019/03/12,"Two weeks of feeling up and now crashing down???? I was diagnosed last year. I was going to a great psychologist and group. I couldn’t afford to keep going and I also needed a break after 2.5 years of intense therapy (every modality under the sun) after a breakdown. So, two months ago, I decided to take a break from therapy. I’m still on my meds and speak to my psychiatrist regularly for a med check-in. 

I have never really identified as someone who has ever felt manic. I wouldn’t even know what that would feel like. However, for about 2 - 3 weeks I was feeling good. I felt optimistic, I felt hopeful. I had so much energy and cleaned out my entire place, donated / threw out about 35% of my belongings and redecorated.Then, I just started to feel numb. It got more and more enveloping. I have not left my place in days now, I am not sleeping well, I can’t focus at work, I have no interest in tv or podcasts like I usually do and I’m consistently having thoughts of, “well obviously when it all gets too much, I’ll end it bc duh that’s what happens.”

I don’t want to go through the whole deal with starting to see a new therapist, etc. I know I will again in a couple months. 

Is it possible that periods of mania can just start happening?",2.0236585365853657,4.3293332682926815,4.172803252032523,82.67179024390248,80.13821138211381,8.001040650406502,25.287154471544717,8.841846274778883,2.1880122276422767,968,38,192,25,25,332,153,246,0.036000000000000004,0.835,0.129,0.9602,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,1,17,9,0,0,9,1,19,3,1,0,4,38,48,14,0,6,5,0,7,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,10,11,0,1,11,1,1,4,8,1,2,2,10,9,25,8,32,34,7,44,0,0,1,0,4,13,0,2,27,132,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622067353508684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868052739909356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010557459199755,0.0,0.07000405876551173,0.11190754821676634,0.0,0.11017327206282827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614073067438834,0.0,0.12105898483831015,0.0716944988039077,0.09818728960187162,0.0914558212582336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953920002901348,0.07754624621773834,0.3126674261746385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671150855821925,0.0,0.1850698759235001,0.09104436447254018,0.08681522919685067,0.11967383301426672,0.0,0.0,0.1919761205224348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781200756927363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648186925409524,0.0,0.0,0.11930956604742385,0.08848057523489905,0.0,0.0,0.11793700986547882,0.0,0.0,0.1060615013822702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114326401659375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328291317153868,0.0,0.15958957898021375,0.08048648222784911,0.08371840555687317,0.1048357039070175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268177484888177,0.0,0.0,0.1223708239390466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953820985135876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649818169938461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862573836072194,0.0,0.09197181466457403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049111219129384,0.0,0.08668605134289423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161409588333561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24826670204182086,0.126031835880246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617446847515868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206997048617335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954956700806402,0.0,0.06402403748680646,0.0,0.17414026819980147,0.0,0.1951942015081317,0.0,0.0,0.1211892362139484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790237612376181,0.0,0.0,0.07710892076636801,0.0,0.0,0.13980186490426974
bpd,baristakitten,2019/03/12,"Today was too good? My A.M. class got cancelled, I had a wonderful time with my favorite person, my psychiatrist appointment was actually helpful, and one of my favorite bands released a new song today. I should be happy, but I'm too busy worried about how something is going to go terribly wrong since I had such a good day today. I don't like feeling like I don't deserve even one decent day out of 365. 

How do you all try to enjoy the moment instead of dwelling on everything that could possibly go wrong? ",7.834795918367348,6.989025132653063,8.068285714285718,72.12671428571429,62.97959183673471,10.697142857142858,37.967346938775506,9.888512548439397,3.764058775510204,405,18,72,7,5,133,69,98,0.212,0.6,0.187,-0.7091,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,1,4,0,11,0,0,2,1,11,18,4,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,4,0,2,5,2,10,6,9,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,10,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.16237829920460115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285350760377335,0.0,0.0,0.21462305253935213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990285745513316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954581696246216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413471678139252,0.11887319370986713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28369970544728884,0.2791298071023937,0.13308192286067216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771314246216078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115315981512818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258516709594067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607061017919202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255082026621084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529039552664452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758626455879773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764432633798196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809961721882826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702672986879504,0.0,0.4731712905006148,0.0,0.0,0.1129718265884545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180449148560972,0.0,0.16898301328402196,0.0,0.0,0.3638553749840164,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlertWishbone6,2019/03/12,"How to talk about possible bpd with therapist? I brought up my thoughts that I may be bpd to my therapist and she immediately dismissed it. I’m so embarrassed by the fact that she did that, and I’m not sure if it’s worth bringing it up again and going into more depth about why I am thinking this in the first place. Like, what do you do if a therapist basically dismisses your concerns without delving into it a little? I resonate with so much of what you all post, and I just want someone to take me seriously. It feels humiliating for my concerns regarding my own mental health are brushed off. And it makes me feel so much more alone. ",4.6182044444444434,5.917587496000007,5.591466666666669,79.71217777777778,70.03999999999999,9.075555555555557,32.28888888888889,9.444778638647367,2.920502222222221,507,23,100,11,9,167,82,125,0.096,0.858,0.046,-0.7446,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,1,8,4,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,2,3,25,19,11,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,3,3,16,2,17,14,6,15,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,3,77,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062551921931554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149796217763481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665994423204343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013150669409138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936280418716183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511559867033913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804857946991654,0.1651171736719279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996816956801553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602361189598125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24221218675063774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212283911765955,0.0,0.0,0.1857245632838505,0.15777960038615066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958739970166073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526965199912754,0.0,0.12386728983118507,0.1324153122948187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738428554762327,0.0,0.10556156260695901,0.0,0.13078865540481122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717051842217617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865620111792044,0.0,0.0,0.15880772745778451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aishadorable,2019/03/12,"I have BPD. My husband was just diagnosed Bipolar II. I didn't know where to post this, but I figured since I'm the one with BPD, and you all are so kind and understanding, here is good.

For our entire relationship, my husband has been at the forefront with me battling my BPD and PTSD symptoms. He was always kind and patient and understanding. We had our rough patches, definitely. Then I reached a point in my depression I had to be hospitalized. The state our home was in when I returned was my first real indication something was wrong. At first I thought it was sadness from me being in the hospital, but shortly after he was diagnosed with depression.

Suddenly, it made sense why he didnt take care of himself just like me. All this time I wondered why my husband never said anything when my depression got the best of me - our house would be a mess, I would go weeks without washing or brushing my hair, laundry wouldn't be done for weeks - and he never said anything. Because it was him too. Not taking care of hygiene, letting the house get away, wearing dirty clothes over and over. His family always made fun of him for being dirty. I guess they never realized it was a real problem that needed help.

Then, at some point, he realized he couldnt continue to help me while he was hurting. I started to notice other symptoms. Mood swings he wasnt trying to hide anymore, anger he finally admitted he felt regularly, and all the times he ""didnt feel like talking"" was just a plea for a relief from me and my tumultuous emotions. The hyperacitity and endless talking that made me feel guilty for thinking, ""Just shut up!""

When I would lose handle on my emotions in reaction to his emotions, I started to feel like a monster. I thought all of this was me. That I had finally ruined someone with my disorder.

Then he was diagnosed Bipolar II and the pieces came together.

I remember in therapy telling my psychologist, ""My husband has depression as well."" Her face I'll never forget. The look of ""oh no."" I currently cannot be in therapy due to a mental health care shortage, but I could just imagine their faces now. Everything you read says that two people with depression, much less mood disorders, should not be in a relationship. You feed off each other, good or bad. And what good is it for two people who can hardly self-care to be together? Who just consistently hurt and gaslight each other?

Today our house is half clean. My laundry is done, but not his. Dishes havent been done in a few weeks. I washed my hair 3 days ago. He took a shower Saturday. We remain reliable in our workplace. It feels better.

But then it hurts. What do we do now? We love each other so much. I've never met a more perfect human being in my life, Bipolar and flaws be damned. He's my soulmate. But will we ever get better, or will we drag each other into the pit of despair? I know you guys dont have the answer. 

I just have so much inside of me that I had to get out. Thanks for taking the time to read this, it means a lot.",3.446560359083392,5.546487197934597,4.49149539333806,83.1514788566029,74.61101549053356,7.379582194323512,28.087509702676247,8.251243910053105,2.050457095609328,2366,97,446,41,51,770,259,581,0.16699999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.134,-0.9773,2,0,1,0,0,0,84.0,12,4,2,7,20,41,3,0,25,0,62,20,5,3,11,102,104,35,0,9,20,4,9,3,0,7,12,3,3,2,26,32,2,0,21,2,0,3,19,19,1,6,38,14,73,20,57,46,18,69,0,12,1,1,60,26,1,7,41,324,99,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275503504585069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903982659105952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902129746870498,0.0,0.0,0.09794890867889433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591479494733391,0.0,0.049691200089619976,0.03627881404151245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245563780164134,0.10526952556224213,0.0,0.0,0.22486511807438828,0.0,0.0,0.06806747089333401,0.18203362186612287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751660434934084,0.0,0.0,0.0383812172358125,0.0,0.2562940054222311,0.1812145336938782,0.0,0.0,0.1364150164692425,0.0,0.0,0.18270860127777308,0.06974925730863653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008336818837327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053833274219546895,0.0,0.0,0.05348680320806549,0.0,0.05610393353749397,0.0,0.1203670455210993,0.08503276451082392,0.057142193458471185,0.1303880334548624,0.0,0.10124412909345662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327987982959668,0.0,0.0338228346417165,0.14975103983421914,0.047598299726340464,0.0,0.06556071569709511,0.05892761908546875,0.0,0.0,0.05331231352183602,0.0,0.0,0.06325995736548129,0.0,0.0,0.07978115019153033,0.0,0.059696788981121275,0.0,0.0,0.20601140695542766,0.1911309650863424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394808829462015,0.06541401246627017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060856479940492335,0.04203607187373337,0.08722571798040195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049976264115793256,0.06658026759664216,0.0,0.05059616137142051,0.05371316377869805,0.1689390438465058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482753559287041,0.0,0.0,0.05997550583700177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312475820851071,0.04412842931409218,0.2295020008109321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775639621514924,0.0,0.0,0.04032781759659776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251819120989468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125187919916644,0.0,0.056997382696674384,0.0,0.0,0.05694628286279268,0.06956797557832417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905900307309025,0.13547854841085055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277902308610981,0.06741707663972933,0.0,0.11322173674994625,0.04732744148329144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208545179949852,0.0,0.0,0.04923009646865868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042550761288131,0.04581632008424435,0.0,0.0,0.08424777652365133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237144121941019,0.13424000260164787,0.09566922734366254,0.05201733158325948,0.05479193949710457,0.13611751077753678,0.0,0.0,0.038133781345892695,0.0,0.09449397800789254,0.10410822004570752,0.0,0.05641174103645105,0.0,0.06612157314477914,0.04040568957076953,0.0,0.11627188123029494,0.1239110889399037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432141703169082,0.0,0.05350969060486445,0.0,0.10740316700783886,0.0,0.0,0.05736879035659561,0.06453973968771301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682982776754675,0.06506855635705285,0.0,0.0
bpd,DankDawn,2019/03/12,"I feel like giving up. Everything is hard. My job is suffocating, and my boyfriend wants to “make friends”.. so I guess I’m boring. This world we live in is corrupt. 
I just want to run away and live in the woods. I hate having to work, and I hate that all of this effort is eventually going to end in death for everyone. 
How do you guys see past the inevitable. Ugh ",0.5027327327327313,2.8488278918918937,2.127477477477477,94.45430930930931,87.64864864864866,5.451051051051049,19.033033033033032,6.937597516519254,0.16394474474474485,280,8,63,4,9,91,54,74,0.217,0.7090000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9163,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,0,2,3,6,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,1,12,17,5,1,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,3,9,2,11,17,1,10,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,3,38,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431720302423045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261102389940948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779883234886665,0.19544512396893715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099577406137562,0.15535831461631772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680142985984892,0.0,0.0,0.20861395590698426,0.12359138540802375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395641810385631,0.2153263071743468,0.0,0.0,0.19480752448063424,0.4294068556904261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158022283820916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062432864523144,0.0,0.38405431056449546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516076760775906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759665310921308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329287208125985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565350882608408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831840945655395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,triviolett,2019/03/12,"My BF broke up with me and told me he’s getting back with his ex-wife, over text. I don’t want to post a big long story about it, but I’m just so upset right now. I invested so much of myself into this relationship, and was told over and over by him that there was nothing between him and his ex-wife anymore and that he loved me. I fought all of my negative feelings, and all of those doubts that I had because I wanted to really trust someone for once. I knew that if I let myself be overcome by the worry, and that “what-ifs” that we would never have a chance of working. I worked so hard to be better, and to be understanding and empathetic and trusting in this relationship and now it just feels like it was all for nothing. I really loved him, and to not even get the decency of an in-person conversation just hurts so much. I feel like I wasted 4 months of my life on someone. The entire time I was so nervous, and paranoid that things wouldn’t work out. I just want to have a successful and happy relationship, and to be treated like I matter. I hate starting new relationships. I hate having to start all over with someone new and tell them about myself, my disorder, my family life, my trauma. But at the same time I just want to find a person that I’m happy with? I honestly don’t even know why I’m posting this. I’m just so upset, and I don’t have a lot of close friends or family and I have no idea who to talk to about this tonight. :(",4.676234153616704,4.668662067114099,5.7948545861297545,83.00359433258765,69.26845637583892,8.904101416853095,27.62938105891127,8.680891452615391,1.7667466070096944,1128,33,243,17,18,377,142,298,0.193,0.625,0.182,-0.6219,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,1,5,21,24,3,4,10,0,20,4,0,0,5,60,45,28,0,7,11,0,4,3,2,2,2,0,0,1,18,26,0,0,8,0,1,0,8,10,0,0,9,4,39,14,40,29,8,28,0,2,0,2,25,13,0,4,16,179,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096012710877166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744433988826496,0.0,0.05901644716267253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856234355686874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095635048102748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278884523045447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825337964711245,0.0,0.14685503584808213,0.13832678345291916,0.0,0.0,0.08848553941384266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479766228355525,0.0,0.10116183498546603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611896973292484,0.08672563911491356,0.19116604504555326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364056635792646,0.10929035389830973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320601999277887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899808821767583,0.136764096633577,0.14189416364399873,0.0,0.0,0.08567666309336291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230714710777813,0.17475544203061574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727539750624149,0.0,0.14233772883702073,0.0,0.07466833226184116,0.1870056439838759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578981284224005,0.0,0.0,0.10310293160529373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906715847859755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544062771621267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404206992565235,0.0,0.0,0.4157647159518508,0.0,0.08267797048180964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460886099210385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370498067023756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781480803314572,0.08461903130057963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431840897156495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290514734939475,0.0,0.0,0.18501838253768008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078598800009417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284118084672223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735888283956654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144355610054166,0.0983185357281287,0.0,0.06877334175008615,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ripleyxwill,2019/03/12,Best friend (isn’t my FP) said I’m overwhelming buuuuuuut (mentions suicide) I know he has severe depression and he recently (maybe a weekish ago) called me overwhelming and basically said he doesn’t know if we can continue being friends. I’m convinced he’ll kill himself if I’m not there to check on him like I know that’s the dumbest fucking idea and I’m NOT gonna text him I’m just so fucking annoyed that my brain is ABSOLUTELY convinced like sounding alarms in my head convinced that if I’m not there to check on him he’ll end it,5.1242857142857146,5.800905925925927,6.160476190476192,78.37500000000001,68.44444444444444,9.134391534391536,34.87301587301587,9.23628265651192,3.056046031746031,432,21,86,8,7,144,65,108,0.16,0.647,0.193,0.46399999999999997,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,1,4,16,4,3,2,0,6,4,2,0,0,15,22,7,2,3,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,2,0,5,8,0,0,2,3,11,8,5,16,1,7,0,3,0,2,16,3,2,3,6,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120035294362546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268069627225505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559979897200485,0.19720992743207444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634478262590974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105811484172825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984274586455889,0.3570958614243178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982097154123696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802314118258398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136725520063525,0.0,0.31842179647736746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870961720876184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402760561660898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069509379686586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674265646043887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818480891291367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112556634134137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hesarah2h,2019/03/12,"DAE Get stress pains and How to tackle it? Hi this is my second post here and I’d really appreciate some insight on this, thanks in advance. 

So I’ve been suffering from BPD and depression for about 7 years now and ever since I’ve been experiencing change in me I also had these constant aches and muscle stiffness knee and below. 

Initially thought it was a joint problem, but reports turn out to be normal. 

After many years of observation I realized it occurs after something depressing happen or when I’m undergoing an episode. 

It has gotten to a point where the pain remains for hours making me restless and hard to find sleep while in pain. And at times I feel so painful to the point I feel like either chopping my leg off or just to end life because of how unbearable the pain is (please don’t take it to heart this is just a feeling)

- Does anyone else go through this? 
- I am assuming it’s for the stress. I have not received any diagnosis for this matter as doctors just fail to provide one. 

Currently I’m trying the following 
- meditation 
- keeping ice
- and Massage (only if someone is around to help) 

These are somewhat successful but not all the time. Keeping ice and massage works but i need someone to help. Meditation doesn’t work all the time. 

It would be really helpful to know what I can do on my own about it that actually works. Taking warm showers haven’t helped either.",4.919886363636365,6.613019700757576,5.5148181818181845,79.0347272727273,69.79545454545455,8.31030303030303,30.624242424242425,8.841846274778883,2.580600606060606,1107,46,200,20,20,357,164,264,0.161,0.759,0.081,-0.9725,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,6,16,17,0,3,11,0,20,12,4,3,3,50,40,24,0,5,13,0,5,1,0,1,8,0,1,0,17,12,0,3,9,0,0,4,5,13,0,2,6,6,13,4,34,31,7,33,0,4,0,0,6,13,0,6,16,136,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0967868692221064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793154362069765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744684360487366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693500340466968,0.1016232014181637,0.0,0.08829259218760742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046014202345582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491566895711285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492091104455746,0.0,0.0,0.10718000242325616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084981829733972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151650183511812,0.0867944280104799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828534442298036,0.0,0.08784539971030819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971537496173781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044748965929902,0.07085530708209939,0.0,0.0,0.09065012445152347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181825749113518,0.0,0.05636715091441806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770590219063194,0.0,0.08884717244177127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175305942939068,0.2659171639875078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767383152995407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763142075158274,0.0,0.0,0.05450757678447425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005484999278001,0.04845508723225754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620444351834341,0.10055450743184284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354185008774383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717684422935538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720797368393447,0.07543202523281832,0.5276807203165561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108871539716132,0.18751721421597226,0.0,0.09498849242599253,0.0,0.0,0.09490333244225303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707645961669856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204398911490568,0.0,0.09925316084233812,0.0,0.16807238232160007,0.07635478977112786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22722422219114846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491443392322158,0.0,0.0,0.09131303024252428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787390586167066,0.17350064868631673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733775054523664,0.10788102734609896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661601208466225,0.0,0.0,0.07045571547498722,0.0,0.0,0.12773931107675365
bpd,dariakayb,2019/03/12,Does anyone experience unstable relationships but ONLY with SO’s? I have a lot of trouble with attachment and jealousy and being incredible over emotional and anxious and irrational when it comes to my SO-which i know for a lot of people with BPD end up having their SO as their FP and i think that’s the case for me..- but i don’t experience that must instability with my friendships for the most part. Sometimes i get slight irrational bursts of anger out of jealousy but nothing crazy like my SO. For some reason i keep overanalyzing this aspect and invalidating myself. I was just wondering if people have aspects of BPD that aren’t really as intensely affected overall as certain areas? I wonder if this makes any sense...,6.0431578947368445,7.969719218045112,6.98647368421053,68.66181578947372,67.34586466165413,10.13203007518797,32.096992481202996,10.355215969177356,3.754248721804511,588,25,96,16,10,196,86,133,0.209,0.701,0.09,-0.9546,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,3,2,32,16,18,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,15,2,20,13,5,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,8,3,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627397310757615,0.0,0.0,0.19316157315935015,0.0,0.11955494968740756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43069298299927256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472862964245235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496279506792036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233231520732635,0.1514397575574995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345074163274908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933130678883748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197711506915906,0.0,0.0,0.09396751839605932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353341992955259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907264388889448,0.0,0.0,0.11413215613692065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406233409699728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003990705262528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515740109075596,0.0,0.2370754937108796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953577705310373,0.17579850201464609,0.0,0.18357123216480148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910607886272294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955869132715786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37084648672234855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,potatoe_666,2019/03/12,"Any advice on switching from loving to hating someone so quickly once you perceive them hurting you? I'm in a very supportive relationship with my boyfriend of nearly a year. But it seems when we get into arguements, I turn so quickly and say the most hurtful things that once calmed down, I regret so much and don't even know how I acted that way. Really would love some advice as it doesn't even seem like me after the fact and I become very embarrassed. ",9.159318181818184,7.309154477272727,8.544545454545457,72.9868181818182,61.04545454545455,11.072727272727272,35.63636363636364,9.516144504307137,3.2189681818181817,366,12,66,5,4,116,69,88,0.174,0.691,0.135,-0.445,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,1,0,9,10,1,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,17,13,10,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,10,5,11,12,3,12,0,3,0,2,8,5,0,4,6,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286278051254293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434753552506835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570808964131236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212253036457166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878512577108436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601297802943635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36001537954372204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241065614963308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214943075943268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035232679678005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360934832621227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581478021430302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772097850528883,0.0,0.0,0.1805298075771824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371935939901228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306154272089026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424726620336115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081424255155585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171116306706358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828985456933604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774821606367944,0.0,0.13346937411804433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944869467009507,0.0,0.0,0.10828286863109317
bpd,thr0wm30ffacliff,2019/03/12,"My best friend just told me he doesn't see our friendship lasting past this year I guess that means there's room to make things better, but I'm devastated right now. He says I care about his well being too much, more than my own most of the time. And that my feelings are too much and I can't talk about them.

What's shitty is I've been getting a lot better about controlling my emotions and explaining them when I struggle. And I've been working really hard on putting myself first more and just communicating better. 

But I guess that's not actually happening. :/",4.798818181818183,6.208236109090913,4.897954545454546,84.43693181818183,69.72727272727272,8.045454545454545,26.47727272727273,8.472884824447931,1.630636363636364,452,14,90,7,8,141,77,110,0.13699999999999998,0.672,0.191,0.6967,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,2,7,11,8,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,19,19,8,0,0,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,3,4,15,7,7,15,8,11,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,4,7,62,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.16346136897851307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757868642806637,0.4444354534094615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078319218689153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787184995071116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842133084609972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469589871967449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248023562492335,0.0,0.0,0.12941446357596892,0.0,0.08751479798509085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690527561015658,0.0,0.1481247090106492,0.0,0.15005217705590215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653947609835834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424073288686633,0.0,0.0,0.11181133408846038,0.0,0.0,0.18246277841412614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462718788487409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599031137611575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838946170936586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730842014437156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304892523099064,0.0,0.13320723037361676,0.0,0.0,0.13348033035884066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511329356645786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346347109312076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128332278032826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767390205188337,0.0,0.0,0.1600588440654484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060771214813234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219461212821131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786815829873507
bpd,Iamnotofmybody,2019/03/12,"Never enough Brimming with emotion right now for no real reason other then I can never be enough for myself or proud of myself. I’ve recently been out of a full time job and looking pretty actively for months and finally got a full time temp job at a pretty cool company. The temp company has a super great reputation for keeping you employed and most people I know who work for the temp company end up with a full time job in exciting industries so it’s promising. 

I’ve been at the gig a week and already I feel like I’m not making enough money. Like this isn’t good enough even though I was literally just making nothing for months. I can’t just relax and be proud for a moment! It’s immediately back to digging on myself. Ugh",3.581597701149427,5.43220030344828,5.154224137931035,79.63110632183913,73.55172413793103,7.8678160919540225,25.8764367816092,8.59863814320734,1.96664367816092,584,20,108,11,12,197,89,145,0.032,0.6990000000000001,0.27,0.9886,5,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,4,7,12,0,0,10,1,9,0,0,3,2,22,17,9,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,3,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,4,3,9,11,18,11,8,25,0,0,1,0,2,10,0,2,17,77,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436374595962716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008686126036603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641519540354708,0.1152852637932706,0.537970269530088,0.0,0.08597104628971458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581402702780488,0.09298805395673422,0.0,0.14258656130919828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917405663012708,0.10410277235284653,0.14350452000337194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874983319625247,0.11569433340274515,0.0,0.0,0.07153385822197678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718156060803354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930364479832563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376884300074014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778879269709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007785545475841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489434590999435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023822829682394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648439367964106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815332233499948,0.0,0.13382863922986146,0.12851968006776646,0.0,0.0,0.11115798962841494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278839100419099,0.0,0.2276962495254997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044084365472435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475978699465187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ca7cha8esra66it,2019/03/12,"I think my best friend, my fp, is leaving me soon.. I know it in my gut that it's currently happening. She's not gonna just leave, but it's gonna be gradual. I already predicted we wouldn't be friends within the next 2 years. She's moving on. She's got herself a boyfriend, a new family. She's not gonna need me anymore. It started when i came to her house uninvited (i asked her ex to pick me up to hang out with him) and she told me if i had any bit of an attitude with her that we wouldn't be friends anymore. I haven't seen her since. She just calls me now pretending nothing happened. But she comes up with excuses when i want to hang out and when i asked her if i was gonna have to find a new best friend she said ""i don't know"" and then continued on talking about whatever. 
I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just accept it. ",1.2965573770491827,2.5302044480874315,3.224830601092897,93.67167213114756,78.2896174863388,7.284371584699452,24.22185792349727,8.021203637495839,1.0281733333333332,646,22,160,11,15,218,96,183,0.039,0.83,0.131,0.9282,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,5,0,13,1,1,1,0,33,35,11,0,6,9,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,8,12,0,0,6,1,0,5,7,0,0,0,7,2,38,7,19,19,3,26,0,0,1,0,29,8,0,3,13,103,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896862580708506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918001732168081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677544515970409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25240130070747835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28333458879972706,0.0,0.14737788134330904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784340276079798,0.15439654092919494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628490162389064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725980790860894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338156512595864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171824097560603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796659160988037,0.0,0.14871050138378447,0.0,0.23874851906797465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557643134986803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256660458822267,0.0,0.0,0.2858771381340871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347667065971004,0.0,0.10009593060114058,0.0,0.2607550250013945,0.1435670625617419,0.0,0.0,0.12952985337934456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840968147311882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116679745055116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554905673380512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850261939640247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086498350167623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899202381423874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962263271666235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693135406112887
bpd,ky44790,2019/03/12,i wish people understood borderline thinking it’s so hard to explain myself to people when they don’t understand how i think. can anyone relate cause i feel bad,6.7940000000000005,8.098055066666667,7.1733333333333364,70.35000000000002,65.0,10.0,31.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.549666666666667,132,5,20,3,2,43,26,30,0.17800000000000002,0.732,0.09,-0.3952,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,9,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296496290659317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27422979353310784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373935700246155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606677833252995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942135569979793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553914274037005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208962136660205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419127760566048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776844368856875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,krankz,2019/03/12,"New relationship. New Anxieties. I gotta find some new coping skills. Hella vent. This is all pretty new to me still. 

This is the first guy I've been somewhat serious with in 2 years, and so far he's been amazing with all of my weird stuff.

It's been 4+ months, not official, but is as close as that can be at the moment and I haven't seen him for almost a week. The day he can hang out keeps getting pushed off and I am trying SO HARD not to go crazy about it. 

I'm mostly quiet bpd so I've gone through the thought process ""He doesn't care about you and this is a slow ghosting"" --> ""Okay, it's possible it's not that. Just try to be normal about it; no (passive) aggressive texts, no avoiding initiating contact. Cool We're good. I don't want to ruin this over something that might not even be the case."" -->

Now I'm at the stage where I would either start drinking too much, hit myself, binge/purge, something. I have a lot of simmering hurt and anger and I'm not putting it towards him, but I'm not putting it towards myself and I don't know where to go. And of course I know that it's an inappropriate amount of emotion for the situation, so that just adds to my anxieties

And he's actually coming over now and terrified if I hold whatever this is in long enough I'll direct my negative emotions in that direction by accident.

thanks for reading, it feels better to have typed it out. :)",1.944093567251464,3.987197000000002,3.2663157894736834,90.44532163742693,79.0,6.6081871345029235,23.538011695906434,7.662118739084242,1.0086608187134498,1095,37,237,17,27,356,160,285,0.162,0.741,0.09699999999999999,-0.9575,0,1,3,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,0,3,17,14,2,1,11,2,22,1,0,0,2,48,43,19,1,4,12,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,22,17,1,3,5,2,0,8,13,7,0,1,6,5,18,7,35,30,10,41,0,2,1,0,10,16,0,7,16,153,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.1211265254397761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429164735990507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990811006282526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097770533187689,0.0,0.0,0.1563290669009935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655207039059427,0.0,0.0,0.10692131145023916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004931927699857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159366975293708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27924421857896736,0.0,0.1282526440643661,0.0,0.08198232968722992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276051641450453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344653147421402,0.10557929370673597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484934924221382,0.0,0.14108436803622787,0.10410881209682556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229016725922029,0.0,0.0,0.11119017878679736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287665816602914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032657380956996,0.0,0.0,0.13642994011706666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984529585979194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055252690639592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167530370535158,0.0,0.0,0.09907410717555933,0.0,0.091244974836821,0.0,0.0,0.4795165812766362,0.0,0.0,0.12161457013030147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993047443860615,0.0,0.12627811268539174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495565838581813,0.0,0.0,0.12415698141155113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332620709738265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951989301568324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111250234652435,0.0,0.0,0.08785517561733767,0.0,0.09912510107525772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209158741714553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142761427200698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985401084185722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685432707975631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732111924445847,0.0,0.09956429794164784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817369630248835,0.0,0.0,0.07993139481188984
bpd,kk1317,2019/03/12,"What would you want someone to do Someone close to me has BPD. Even though I have other mental health issues, I don't always understand what they are feeling. It's like I can't connect with them. And I feel like deep down they hate me for it. I'm trying to learn how to better be there for this person because I love them. 

That's why I need advice. 
How would you want someone to be there for you. When your feeling broken, and worthless, and spiraling. What is something someone you love could do for you, or say to you, to express their love and support. Or what could someone do to understand what your going through more? ",3.00090909090909,5.072583089430896,3.3530229120473045,90.93911308203992,75.82926829268294,5.4483370288248345,25.00295639320029,6.1124844417494595,0.6803723577235776,492,17,97,3,11,152,69,123,0.071,0.718,0.21100000000000002,0.9442,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,8,5,1,7,9,1,0,0,0,15,4,0,2,0,23,30,10,0,7,2,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,21,7,15,24,1,5,0,1,0,3,19,3,0,2,3,75,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024227458241755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090185169202872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124787356519261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787768328592653,0.0,0.0,0.16786484679115626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283072032095446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803194111843989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217515554788412,0.19043432048161285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574760821679921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131589034960095,0.0,0.14167323694454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139112471025403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023035240339026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608784180059877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431757470564887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988274049267248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637727935597934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599172225967857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5646498342399008,0.10260750467663003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124758517101328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094953853262747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049017847727422,0.0,0.0,0.27750390285621696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722713436128066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026687150755552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936035779195307,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LO-Ol4,2019/03/12,"I think I have BPD and I need some help/advice. (I apologize beforehand if I offend anyone. That is not my intention at all.)  I'm not one to self diagnoses, nor support it. But I've always had my suspicions. I'm a 16 yr old student in high school. I learned about BPD a few years back but I never really thought much of it. Until my mental health began to get real bad by the time I was 14. I began searching for answers. Even tho at the time I researched alot about BPD. I wasnt convinced I had it since it sounded crazy and not like me at all. But that's because I'm a very private person. And most importantly I dont have ANY friends. Which, some of you might be able to relate.  To me, no friends = no problems. So I didnt think anything was wrong until I began to monitor my own behavior.  And I've come to the conclusion that I might have BPD. 

I know some of you may disagree with me or suggest for me to get some professional help before I start self diagnosing myself. And trust me, the last thing I want to do is self diagnose. Unfortunately I'm in a position where professional help isnt an option at the moment. So in my head this is the best thing I can do right now. I think I might have BPD... and typing this is out, is hard for me. Because this is not something I want. I didnt come to this conclusion because I thought BPD sounded cool or because I'm romanticizing it. Infact, I've tried so hard to deny this suspicion and to find any other explanation. To me anything was better than BPD because BPD seemed so... complicated. And with the high stigma built around it, I didnt want to be associated as this. 

But I'm tired of lying to myself, pretending to be all these other people, and dealing with these mood swings. I want to get help. So I've come here. If anyone knows any tips or techniques to deal with BPD plz let me know. Most preferrably things that I can do by myself while I wait to seek professional help. I'd really appreciate it. 

(And again I apologize if I offended anyone. I know I might of made BPD sound like this awful disorder. So I apologize, since I'm very well aware that BPD isnt like that at all. And there are ways to properly cope and get better.) ",2.2210168539325856,4.120935683146069,4.048974719101125,85.84829353932585,77.56179775280899,7.236516853932584,23.933988764044948,8.158263871857827,1.3637067415730342,1709,57,358,31,40,577,191,445,0.168,0.711,0.121,-0.976,0,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,0,2,0,5,18,20,2,0,13,2,37,6,1,2,5,78,73,34,0,9,14,0,2,3,2,5,5,3,0,4,28,21,0,1,15,1,0,3,15,5,1,1,15,6,52,14,49,49,15,35,0,0,0,0,18,14,0,20,20,240,80,8,0.053202170143262964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051988544925218455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044268467496184974,0.0,0.0,0.1085379002327096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116005831287187,0.0,0.08756170581845192,0.04736121094258483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040909184866191696,0.04442158981349308,0.16215774557321466,0.0,0.04527112826693022,0.0,0.055832395252296316,0.0941059921264362,0.0,0.0,0.7370689795170071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748687620900266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969820263650497,0.0,0.1619972483955849,0.0,0.0,0.0609742962040418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062352547178816414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513953161800844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862581967236397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220772935799159,0.0,0.11118375224504023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531738895434884,0.0,0.05460077539344572,0.056551419016653524,0.0,0.0,0.17830146596706742,0.11242202751637884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169540854151506,0.043366869465818005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440282352879465,0.0,0.0779756789597487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050341179764213616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361527422044655,0.22575638021107844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910971657545236,0.039448735038979374,0.041032793424237664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055826727997046,0.0,0.03605116737206043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03688368599939528,0.0464540828657319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050907291717081034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055571706036748,0.06816534502639811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543436261062759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384343651328799,0.0,0.04843325756465718,0.16650439926478006,0.0,0.0,0.08801876983712731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095762979914725,0.0,0.0,0.037656769857468464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037319220433469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603547349032956,0.10226940725497988,0.0,0.08447316070735575,0.06204522650211116,0.06114806822428925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036120781245108105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779472430037777,0.1255200734847773,0.04222940630253935,0.0,0.0,0.04783514028256973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058168221235070275,0.0,0.034260453270595785
bpd,projectbestlife,2019/03/12,"My friend has BPD and I'm in desperate need of help to support her. So my best friend has BPD and I honestly love her so so much. We had a lot of issues a year ago but I feel like we've kind of learned to handle our differences and hade a really good relationship.

Now, to the problem at hand. I'm the worst with feeling in general, with other people as well, but with her I feel like I really need to do better. I'm usually the one to give people the hard truth and not really good at comforting people. When my friend goes through bad periods all I do is pretty much text her ""how are you?"" every couple of hours and if she says bad I'm out of things to say, im just check on her in an 3 hours again.

She pretty recently befriended a girl with the same diagnosis and mentioned that she had a breakdown in front of her and she handled it so well, and I didn't say anything at the time but I've been researching BPD since then and learned a lot but also absolutely nothing about how to help someone when they are having a breakdown. 

She also tends to have like irrational thoughts about things (for example about the way she looks) and I'm really struggling with telling her its not true without saying that she is being stupid and illogical because then she'll just have anxiety about her mental health as well (I hope I dont sound like a douche I promise i mean well).

It's honestly really hard for me to handle any kinds of feelings, I grew up in a household where we just are very honest and tell eachother exactly what we think no matter how upset they are, and because I cant do this with her I have nothing to say at all, and I feel like a really shitty friend.",4.909561624649862,5.147522138235296,5.821344537815127,82.16343137254903,68.79411764705883,9.417366946778714,28.837535014005603,9.362217197678863,2.259929971988795,1317,43,274,25,21,435,166,340,0.126,0.619,0.255,0.9940000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,4,1,2,2,25,36,1,2,18,0,23,3,1,3,5,62,44,34,0,5,11,0,8,5,4,1,1,6,0,1,10,24,0,0,10,0,1,2,7,7,4,1,5,15,42,29,45,37,9,30,0,0,1,1,42,13,0,4,19,192,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970283431928387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257645245815887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053472694762470456,0.0,0.060153532911103966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470772455620444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130945639455455,0.09586710205908744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251980062584394,0.06954392403262841,0.0,0.0,0.2971040784202468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870052002240003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215407023639265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215652917018348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625114668701787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879439526878795,0.16852490073954035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430046357807225,0.0,0.0,0.07543131566304716,0.0,0.1319061698361502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087828217195078,0.0,0.0,0.08358251157370643,0.0,0.0,0.10541121409110928,0.0,0.0,0.0780996663725305,0.15487405193576162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493643192588618,0.08207174460254159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376698556039335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207897291965792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603137036175458,0.0,0.0,0.13370082496196758,0.0709687663438605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565368156480313,0.0,0.0,0.07924291478412318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560765035266354,0.11660978310703715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089972207401184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328331572428826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354131331439606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999473861037064,0.0,0.07524053990362213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30224338338442786,0.0,0.07763995984751361,0.0844217171080691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126580059702688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504549290309251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666249354123574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220360566286347,0.0,0.0,0.08923105951902631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745628040728072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447967937072132,0.05038443516927617,0.0,0.06242530298321005,0.0458511559248299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660242498787546,0.06487992421362346,0.0,0.062414699797246835,0.0,0.0,0.2827997058832672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579877988609217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050636655663171284
bpd,Ralphie717,2019/03/12,"I Just Recently Found Out I Might Have BPD I just went for a recent re-evalution to see a new counselor and possibly do couples counseling before me and my fiance get married. The psychologist who did the intake put me down as having BPD. I had never been labeled that before (only depression, anxiety, binge eating disorder and PTSD) but have recently had issues with anger. Is this a definitive thing? I feel like certain things make sense, but I don't know. I see my new counselor again (who she is the one who told me about it) and my psychiatrist in like three weeks.",5.0758333333333345,6.6702539907407425,5.954629629629629,76.41583333333334,69.27777777777777,9.474074074074073,29.24074074074073,9.827888789773867,2.9421074074074083,453,17,81,11,8,149,76,108,0.09699999999999999,0.818,0.084,-0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,6,0,12,1,0,1,2,17,21,7,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,7,3,14,3,8,13,0,13,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,1,10,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142695995204064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542100934378801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37625902047607546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527789648667582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865436701768576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711938947483791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284541974180502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552725446013668,0.10671178668304368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637793020900663,0.0,0.0,0.07804099745519312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590614439110234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209125252530199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595177539617926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970734367170496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846068096997792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520532676907368,0.2885298984216559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121871242262254,0.11360456283659333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839511771782945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460852913797356,0.15016067973990793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424621475682995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380611819186801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847298308074865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273188226430947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198176575877537,0.0,0.0,0.13846985958459898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thedonutwhispererr,2019/03/12,"Best Friend is back after 1 1/2 years I’m not really sure if this really belongs here, but I’m the FP to someone with BPD. We’ve been best friends since 2014 and there’s been highs and lows. When things are good they’re really really good, but then if I say the wrong thing it all goes bad. 

It’s been hard to deal with as I was only 14 when this started and I didn’t really know how to handle any of it, so I messed up a lot. She’s split on me more times than I can remember. The last time we spoke before today was 1 1/2 years ago and now that she’s back I’m filled with joy, but I’m also really scared. I don’t think I can handle her leaving again, it’s so hard adjusting to not having her around and I usually grow very depressed. 

I try to rationalize accepting her back into my life by telling myself that even if she splits on me tomorrow it’ll have been worth it just to get a little bit of time with her. I know that’s not healthy though, so I really need advice on how to act with her. 

I know being patient is important as well as being careful about what I say to prevent triggering her, but is there anything else I could do? She’s so important to me and I just want our friendship to last. 



",2.5970489453204983,3.5636369416342437,4.10238378046283,89.74236534917057,74.52529182879377,7.90079868933033,22.086627073520376,8.371475516178862,0.9404910505836576,942,22,217,16,19,314,140,257,0.11599999999999999,0.708,0.17600000000000002,0.9390000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,2,24,17,0,1,5,0,21,1,0,3,2,43,35,27,0,6,12,0,2,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,14,14,0,1,7,0,1,3,5,6,1,0,8,5,32,11,30,23,6,33,0,2,0,0,19,9,0,4,21,145,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633423939764114,0.09645927523826613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702052800504963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739989619101894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954672035885962,0.09686976909577036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510195503671739,0.09085724504208063,0.0,0.0,0.09259483984138164,0.0,0.2283924388128642,0.0,0.11879945152359632,0.0,0.1370505917711364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094568963222813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688113302052214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218504920093274,0.09372350521406808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090223553836124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187228211070361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814273964511112,0.0,0.05685213803039733,0.0,0.0,0.18254026060932516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495644801001735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114970622900585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940813310348488,0.17739996710189396,0.0,0.1152209778832148,0.0,0.0,0.07686032287306575,0.0,0.10906273549746144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251191002875543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068606731738262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275986337792722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879745229415609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326789937110295,0.0,0.0,0.17307052115090216,0.1089443150523983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001414597013405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921998803267361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702088963493149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255827791971683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951104306913814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458571516708085,0.06972522921314282,0.10691167383235192,0.0,0.1903553555262915,0.0,0.10314533296348943,0.0,0.0,0.07387927101387347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984601816824082,0.08978502134494049,0.06418280008768554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783911563101212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897377722423197,0.0,0.14014853638190847
bpd,SkyDiamond311,2019/07/06,"NyQuil and BPD Does anyone notice their moods and/or thoughts being less manageable the day after taking NyQuil? I've been diagnosed with borderline traits and have had my moods and paranoid thoughts under control for awhile now but, the last few days I've taken NyQuil and I feel a little off. Thanks!",5.5138888888888875,8.354507055555558,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,71.03703703703705,6.542222222222222,23.76296296296297,7.554174236665415,1.2042785185185183,247,7,41,3,5,70,43,54,0.027999999999999997,0.902,0.07,0.4981,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,1,5,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,23,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722602176544054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372379563542973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30031882265629034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34536979431502124,0.0,0.0,0.2717736727152304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432108853568875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538895046800367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826247369535975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683687356490442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30484979776147264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132435179830388,0.0,0.0,0.2465200720181836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251476125429236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,p00pdawg710,2019/07/06,"Trying to be more open So me (25m) and my ex (21f)  have been broken up for a year. From what I read, she has some BPD tendencies, as do I, although I have no idea if it is from my ADHD and OCD, combined with regaining my mental health from past drug abuse.  


Story goes:  
We start dating. She cheats, claims polyamory. We have big, good talk. I try to be good boyfriend. I am a diesel mechanic and thus very busy and career focused, so she would get upset if I wasnt able to talk to her, or played video games after. I didnt get prepared for a wedding I frankly, didnt have the ability to really go to. We end up missing the wedding ceremony despite it ending an hour after I work. She goes on cruise, cheats with another random guy. Cue horrible break up. Me lashing out because I keep asking her to show she cares and just continuously blames me for her cheating. Do my best to accept my part. Constant blocking and ghosting from her. I try to do my best, after researching, to show her that I do love her despite everything. She randomly unblocks me at times, or asks to hang, or asks my roommate about me constantly.

​

Recently, she is seeing someone new. I didn't know this, but she asks me to catch up. I suggest it, but it gets ignored. See her with new mans, and shes talking hella shit. Any other talk is ignored. 

​

Anyone with a little more experience wanna help me? I do wanna have some sort of relation with her (not necessarily romantic) but it gets increasingly frustrating when she blows me off, or is just inconsiderate to me. Last time we talked for real, she blocked me again (just to unblock me to ask to catch up a few months later) because she apologized and I kinda threw it back because I don't feel like ""sorry for hurting you"" after cheating twice is really respectable to just say ""yeah sorry"". Says she knows shes being inconsiderate but can't handle anything. I am guessing rapid splitting on me and herself but I do not know, and wish to move forward. Any help would be appreciated.",3.400920716112534,5.446552685421999,4.557915601023018,82.8673593350384,74.57544757033249,7.157544757033249,27.356777493606142,8.027739517013583,1.824321739130435,1584,62,301,25,34,519,210,391,0.15,0.7490000000000001,0.1,-0.9595,0,0,1,0,1,0,69.0,4,1,0,3,10,21,6,1,8,1,34,4,1,1,0,63,58,26,1,7,17,1,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,2,10,21,0,5,6,7,0,9,9,11,0,1,6,5,66,10,51,46,9,48,0,2,2,1,51,14,1,13,27,210,76,4,0.08341778374414524,0.09883643315987027,0.0,0.0,0.10025196552831332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076626767039888,0.20272347556112744,0.11345390692742002,0.08747081958628798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832765395398586,0.0,0.06864572836562219,0.0,0.3899218361385256,0.0,0.0,0.06414312662675045,0.0,0.1525521201436644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750836351424085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506177844779543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504999003100895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028997903365315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967381457496462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776679337467394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497052521949138,0.08159859911950937,0.0,0.0,0.04217853788499777,0.059593681374478666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432939625704072,0.0,0.0474082488653785,0.1399337585492918,0.0,0.0,0.09189409339827216,0.08259672083198147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866920332859983,0.0,0.0,0.11182636414457127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214971375504942,0.0,0.08930046278574752,0.0941685241996052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414555900743837,0.0,0.0,0.13753269714681096,0.06799662737476278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04075371554237807,0.08360653394973516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528780667681256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406550594197157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658327913249769,0.08865990263895511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611308306984147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033333079122607,0.0796317135027623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344035778111936,0.0949477003778397,0.10687913660185858,0.0,0.08236499785092817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326743395560444,0.0,0.0,0.13294634701442878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562715626760195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067961746547431,0.0,0.0,0.1867587587740518,0.05904353668308265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352402738202793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728316105851592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699055984254183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882840780596584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592633451260577,0.0,0.0,0.06072914006674712,0.0,0.0,0.11851520039740428,0.0,0.20272347556112744,0.05371831777175834
bpd,Numbskull79,2019/07/06,"Splitting and self awareness (long) I know when I'm splitting, usually I just try to take time to myself, maybe do a physical activity and definitely not communicate with the person I'm splitting on. Usually my SO. 
This is very difficult because I don't want to isolate or give my partner silent treatment. But I honestly don't want to openly discuss splitting with him either because it can invalidate the reason I may be upset.

I'll give an example. In our relationship his phone usage is a serious trigger for me. He is constantly on it and I mean always (except the dinner table). I fall asleep, he's on it. I wake up, he's on it. I'm driving, he's on it. Like my teenagers, you get the idea. Now I have worked very hard on this being my issue than his. In the past it honestly made me feel rejected and I worried about infidelity. But through much much work on my side I've accepted that his choices are his own and I can voice how I feel but I have to do so without expectations. I can also decide what is acceptable for me and what isn't. 
Anyway tonight we we're going to watch the first episode of a wildly popular season three show together. And three minutes in the phone comes out. I waited and 25 minutes in the phone is still out. So I started the grill and made dinner. I had to get up and do something physical or I was going to flip out. In my mind I was doing a railing monologue that two or three years ago I would have just spoken out loud. I'm still pissed about it but am venting on here, still splitting on the inside though. The scary thing about splitting is that internally my mind is still saying fuck it all. Get drunk. Text strangers. Do self destructive shit. And fuck him!

My question is am I always going to run these circles in my head. Is there anyone at all who has gotten out of this fucking loop. Someone in a relationship that didn't have to be alone to stop splitting??",2.844220354808592,4.901758650793656,4.260697167755993,84.31725490196081,76.24867724867725,7.0925614690320575,26.9906629318394,8.027739517013583,1.7876801120448182,1502,60,293,25,34,497,190,378,0.134,0.821,0.045,-0.9883,0,2,1,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,0,3,20,16,6,1,17,0,37,11,5,5,2,59,65,25,0,4,13,0,3,1,1,2,0,3,0,4,20,21,3,2,10,2,0,7,6,10,0,5,7,7,43,6,48,53,6,52,0,1,1,3,28,26,5,5,20,212,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331469021464234,0.0,0.0,0.10902702215267553,0.0,0.08418364737914216,0.17518461942493796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360659023148777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283421114476017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067999355927316,0.0,0.1137584808403457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064544223607388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954182794302054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919587119371807,0.16499625262295226,0.2019673926410992,0.17948053682628096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430042111795163,0.0,0.10803644895129506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118835980938517,0.0,0.10987357254197948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057853134811507015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142915644618426,0.0,0.0,0.09315982553878513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921630264603507,0.0,0.0,0.10575694266918167,0.11466889171753472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258352931055693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476977635781633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049125085423588,0.0,0.09191690257031264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792546455260572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823414952651153,0.0,0.2260391978679749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371419973139246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196372231189328,0.0,0.10805720060417837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919415213585764,0.08104128282201611,0.0,0.0,0.0745099985313655,0.0,0.3362721016099757,0.0880096667502581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914924926943567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993610094494207,0.0,0.10342633924370476,0.0,0.061383248656863565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147079708938453,0.0,0.10283259757337634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187804451574925,0.17371603574716582,0.1241808647742096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147563915864624,0.0,0.15327429186608718,0.10690586333503953,0.0,0.07478013601178166,0.0,0.0,0.06778983785752732
bpd,bouncybear1235,2019/07/06,"Needing some encouragement My husband and I have been separated for a week (something he wanted) and I’ve been trying super hard to re-connect over text. And things have been okay so far, and nothing even happened, I was just trying to explain my rationale for something, and he sees it as me being argumentative. Now I just want to spend the rest of the night bawling my eyes out, because I feel like this will NEVER get better. I just want him to love me, and see the good in me, and understand me. And instead it seems like he is constantly upset with me. It hurts so much to feel so hopeless about the future of my marriage and my life.",6.451611428571433,6.202828744000001,6.7614857142857145,78.39160000000003,65.56,9.062857142857146,33.05714285714286,8.418075326091056,2.473434285714286,503,19,97,6,7,163,79,125,0.11199999999999999,0.723,0.165,0.7527,0,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,10,11,0,1,5,1,9,3,1,1,1,26,23,13,0,4,3,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,16,8,15,17,3,10,0,2,3,1,9,4,0,2,8,72,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181164000479768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136802459891184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938945261585795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279789306215172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594524348418424,0.1384246466636587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123340479811443,0.0,0.0,0.16251958795583726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713443780151622,0.0,0.1735739912617558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074277796389357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686085427715378,0.1893260675988669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487907773025702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243842970496295,0.14367314224737207,0.1494423169874107,0.0,0.0,0.18183387096722825,0.0,0.18592125512083266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088087643898716,0.1763949667008292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983371388934824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287278257126232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631053257746686,0.0,0.0,0.2017145838182412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428601073303056,0.0,0.15542535113684394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NK-11037,2019/07/06,"nothing i do seems to work i just feel like no matter what i try and do, like from little things (like cooking or cleaning) to bigger things (like fixing friendships or assignments) ever seems to work. i always end up completely screwing it up in one way or another. idk if its just me being incompetent or if its something other people struggle with as well. does anyone else feel like that, or is it just me?",3.645659340659343,5.892541038461541,4.4890476190476205,82.72500000000002,74.51282051282051,6.508424908424907,25.24542124542125,7.447530270364453,1.419880586080586,323,11,57,4,7,104,53,78,0.128,0.72,0.152,0.2748,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,18,8,9,0,2,10,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,6,6,9,7,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,9,7,43,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146773866618488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908796149756932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728313489951112,0.1865164139114712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086027968623426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930009322771224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520669205683471,0.0,0.16122901762527975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646611184952836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840847750096571,0.2600917428131157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446656364002735,0.1824469358496715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466753369389154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335165653956127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620017877247466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314357335811426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401394698684389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030255144983316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418719884435805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235898454023502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444909444496222,0.0,0.0,0.16367136558330092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26504735930387474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shortgiraffe9000,2019/07/06,"DAE take a very long time to say bye to your FP? Hello, im new to this subreddit. I havent been diagnosed with BPD but I think I might have mild BPD?

i'm not sure.

Anyways, DAE take a really abnormally long time to say goodbye to their FP? Sometimes when we hang out it takes us 40 minutes-1 hour to say goodbye, because of me. I always say ""no dont go :("" etcetera and hold onto him.",-0.3425925925925917,1.8155360370370417,1.9912222222222242,95.21350000000002,89.8641975308642,5.215308641975309,20.44567901234568,6.742157984588678,0.2909249382716048,293,10,68,4,10,99,58,81,0.076,0.924,0.0,-0.6987,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,10,11,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,10,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,8,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350550989767154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978075534621776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041570383690655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628512458364498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804374931759044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118624174640093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800886632908476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733112700404245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839826932606424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702098714809252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496158614280786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278703623390917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510378454798257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868708035923393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122025132690378,0.0,0.3619105689673245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280853870899848,0.0,0.0,0.1871169269998952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299907388650653,0.0,0.0,0.13238632481525986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ARadioAndAWindow,2019/07/06,"One of the worst feelings is seeing the usual ""emotional cures"" work on others and knowing they fail on you. All my life I've wanted a pet (28M) and I finally worked up the courage last November to adopt a kitten. Everyone I know suggested a pet to help with my myriad of issues, and of course the internet is replete with stories of people who talk about how their pet ""saved them"". So, thinking that would maybe help me, I adopted a little turtleshell kitten I named Kiddo. 

It was a disaster. I knew nothing about taking care of animals, having never had one. It's just me in my house (I work from home mostly) and after I got her I was basically so anxious and terrified I couldn't take care of her. After a couple days of barely playing with her and struggling just to get out of bed to feed her I realized she wasn't going to have a good life with me at the moment. I worked with the shelter to rehome her. Thankfully she got adopted quickly (she was adorable) and based on when I last heard she was a happy little cat doing well. 

It's fucking heartbreaking that I can't even do that. One of my closest friends and his wife just got a dog and they're over the moon with her. I'd give anything for that. But apparently I'm too fucked up to even take care of a cat. I think about her all the time. She just wanted a warm home and instead she got some fucking lunatic who couldn't even get out of bed to feed her or play with her. After I took her back I was really close to just calling it a day. I still feel that way a lot.

The hardest part is that nobody ever gets that because so many people think so highly of these miraculous, happy things in life. Pets being one of them. I don't know if I'll ever be okay enough to take care of one, and I see it help change the lives of so many other people living with emotional issues. Not only can I not have this thing in my life, but I end up watching so many other people doing it and seeing that help THEM. So I'm double fucked up.

I miss that little kitten. She's a good cat. I hope she's still happy. She deserves much better than me.",3.19088723776224,4.360323906759909,4.436572698135199,87.13255135489511,73.33566433566433,7.040821678321679,23.662660256410252,7.413659706084162,0.9170611305361308,1632,44,340,18,32,538,199,429,0.084,0.795,0.121,0.8881,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,5,6,29,30,4,1,24,1,24,10,0,1,5,61,66,25,0,7,11,1,3,0,1,1,4,1,8,0,24,23,2,0,10,2,0,2,8,9,1,5,14,8,58,21,56,47,10,43,0,3,4,4,40,20,4,6,20,246,82,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934891816533235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779986793131304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054008666467648174,0.0,0.042816417019578674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062119780166582435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172082452103576,0.0,0.28644918239741085,0.0,0.07430246325943238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771698227337022,0.0,0.09059536516310432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580165339339524,0.06220999722079621,0.0725746029265956,0.0,0.13917455817274035,0.1270685373494288,0.0,0.06711539413060211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102886012961769,0.0,0.0,0.0769422673020408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054265684472580615,0.2597355006199973,0.11008932733440843,0.06737866480565746,0.03991785925380298,0.11782456033100905,0.2247028966463896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430888814955846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883161336527412,0.07421027585380609,0.1409088295345455,0.06976215641597673,0.0,0.0810451916546534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466203928960289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580286087115065,0.1145066466802685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844463285390407,0.0,0.21119070635032944,0.12404283570669145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971381375338707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363084402265264,0.07056348549927137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163299256821618,0.0,0.054171855575568265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739523037295109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23797534474661225,0.05341914426444351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606088119160065,0.0,0.1947766695185434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044996244684716136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791171458891796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218427351852568,0.0,0.0,0.07342798071448588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124086086991475,0.05645462292675822,0.0,0.06466568968145214,0.0,0.0,0.09332597785737758,0.13501697294494328,0.0,0.0,0.0409563274729477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803697349417021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735720520481022,0.0,0.08285635372603686,0.05575163444543515,0.0,0.0,0.0631523738594348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453632638257924,0.0,0.0,0.04989504149724799,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Imnotsure12345,2019/07/06,"Meltdowns or tantrums? I’ve not officially been diagnosed with BPD, although I do suspect I have it. I especially relate to the symptom of ‘all or nothing thinking’. 

I had one a few weeks back in front of my friend, I started saying that I felt like no one liked me, and that I wanted to distance myself from everyone. I ended up throwing something (not at my friend) and ran out of the room crying.

Now my friend is in a mood with me and was like ‘I get that you have problems, but so do I, and so does everyone’. My friend isn’t speaking to me, and tbh I don’t feel too badly about it.

I mean, not even I fully understand why I behaved like that. Everything just overwhelmed me at once, and I found my friend’s response to be slightly lacking in empathy and understanding. I don’t feel guilt for how I acted; I didn’t direct my anger at my friend.

Idk. Just posted this to vent mainly. Lol.",2.7451582867783983,4.4508590837988855,4.160089385474862,86.49138175046556,75.4804469273743,6.784506517690875,27.0171322160149,7.554174236665415,1.473717020484172,692,27,141,9,15,229,106,179,0.121,0.736,0.14300000000000002,0.631,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,0,10,17,2,2,4,1,13,2,0,1,1,32,25,14,0,3,8,0,3,4,6,0,2,2,1,0,7,10,0,0,9,0,0,4,8,6,0,2,7,5,30,10,21,17,4,19,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,2,9,105,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224947820602508,0.11102847427462263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674772121445668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606666671127186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496670876755745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636721761357363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777627871695295,0.0,0.0,0.08782865716092088,0.0,0.0,0.2541264014936014,0.1195092520065542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447219420187995,0.0,0.12767674246057634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458000974239565,0.6164163958913368,0.0,0.06947388886644935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25985924717471404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448486322503555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759298812417388,0.0,0.0,0.14161391226603215,0.1802144464412259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735318179164812,0.0,0.0,0.12723900590977485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574696545332556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023705627285506,0.0,0.0,0.0941203077363825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821182027119314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520493675983813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27686308895522976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843203219631381,0.0,0.10666443150305943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998915042941193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sup3r_Cyan,2019/07/06,Why is it so hard to find someone Ive only been close to 3 relationships but ive never been in one and its cause i always mess up and im constantly shifting personalitys so those that ive been interested in me have been interested when im in a talkative mood but few days after and im shy all of a sudden and i mess up its always like this and i hate when they leave or ghost me,-0.35249999999999915,1.7463668452380965,2.99790476190476,88.53042857142857,88.88095238095238,6.217142857142857,17.923809523809524,7.554174236665415,0.4218609523809533,301,8,70,6,10,109,52,84,0.214,0.6729999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.8117,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,2,13,10,12,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,1,9,3,9,6,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,8,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333088804449177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561358953173248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629567997149973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908295786066118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293739377159154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929892836677347,0.19761092202137426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6486029353348092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119344917360272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778527527543113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543713265663334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562972605717205,0.15222635585441605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476700458247302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489080041286104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959007929072567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060811354412126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gothnaeun,2019/07/06,"I’m stupid and sad!!! I started dating this guy but he’s doing a teaching residency in New York for the next 2 years. I have 3 weeks left before he leaves and I’m already dreading how much of a mess I’m gonna be before he’s gone. I hate that we didn’t meet earlier, and I don’t want it to just be a summer fling but I like him so much and I don’t want to call it off. But LDRs are miserable for me because I’m so damn needy. I don’t know what to do.",-1.9789259796806962,-0.2367114905660355,1.2824528301886815,100.39092162554428,93.15094339622641,4.393613933236575,15.701015965166908,5.8734145424116955,-0.8541297532656023,346,8,93,3,13,123,68,106,0.281,0.662,0.057,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,4,8,3,2,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,13,21,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,10,1,8,16,2,11,0,2,0,0,8,3,1,0,8,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637779953459268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457118208519088,0.0,0.40679762218428017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440786189367881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667947539812625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359948272713354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136585521763544,0.0,0.0,0.2531006042503671,0.2597092031435456,0.0,0.0,0.11677906723095645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514323657538913,0.0,0.0,0.23085880465970435,0.2542134745156414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918823346787318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819747893675918,0.0,0.1917372262573012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392891075364254
bpd,njbbb,2019/07/06,"Hardcore splitting/abandonment issues So, I have been splitting and taking out my emotions on my SO. We never usually fight and he’s always been patient and kind with me and I feel like an asshole. However, I am having such a hard time dealing with time apart. We haven’t spent a night together since last Sunday and our previous longest time apart has been 3 days. I’ve been sick in bed from the flu and haven’t been out of the house or seen anyone in days and he’s just been working or partying with friends, and I feel so so hurt and left behind. I don’t know how to cope anymore. I just can’t take this.",2.476605571847508,4.382649637096776,3.4612023460410555,90.32543988269795,76.8225806451613,6.444574780058653,24.982404692082113,7.348242739294969,1.0871387096774203,481,17,100,6,11,154,79,124,0.09699999999999999,0.792,0.111,0.195,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,3,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,5,0,14,2,0,1,1,25,21,16,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,16,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,8,4,12,3,12,13,0,18,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,2,11,64,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526292893200553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969719217970815,0.1388756699108024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561794621291688,0.2047625238873224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341424750502314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008506191337032,0.1418900274964013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344884183896956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791931557269758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22917412572779214,0.21262061392866796,0.0,0.0,0.2073016280780397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068261305794822,0.10915317267272368,0.16189708548529902,0.0,0.0,0.21579491450391186,0.0,0.0,0.0970328680074621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318351881360814,0.0,0.0,0.1863859765812255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429572251997776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986663281279887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34744061985674946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187454864330608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459350647858746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,plskillmeahahah,2019/07/06,"I'm so stressed I can't handle this anymore. I don't want this anymore. I'm done with all of it. My house is flea infested, has been for weeks, pest control showed up and said my house was too messy and then left. After me waiting 5 hours for them to show up. I can't shower because the bathroom is flea infested. Maybe it's been 2-3 weeks now since I've showered. No clothes to really change to. Went to a hotel with the last money I had left and got turned away because I had no id. Eating 5k calories+ a day because I'm so stressed. That's what I need right.. to get fat.. cuz that'll fucking help. Already hate my fucking body. I'm so fucking tired of everything. I think I'm gunna go soon. Having a lot of those thoughts lately. Haven't self harmed in months but I badly need to. I need this stress to go away. I want to die. So badly I want to. I have nothing. I need it. I need it all over I'm so tired of this life I need it all over desperately my hopes and dreams are pathetic I'll never achieve any of them so why not just let it all go",-0.5698206419131537,1.5306297885462568,1.4510808684707364,99.09876101321586,90.3215859030837,4.3001258653241035,19.12035871617369,5.773587663045528,-0.3742434235368157,810,25,194,6,28,267,122,227,0.21100000000000002,0.741,0.048,-0.9875,3,0,0,1,0,1,29.0,0,0,2,2,10,11,4,3,5,0,18,9,2,2,5,30,49,13,1,10,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,1,14,6,2,2,2,4,1,4,8,10,0,0,10,1,22,1,26,37,5,26,0,0,0,3,5,10,3,2,12,110,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723658513458807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608329127827647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274577373785112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260087252794915,0.0,0.16227648696328012,0.17771351315422967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079410849132742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279975689238356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899160715211093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267074539525155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085377164336706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944520659546033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943572778387244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733589154465063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695140761366453,0.05077066353735165,0.0,0.16568278009683896,0.0,0.07772085249586551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594158660890648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513529938712323,0.0,0.0,0.09651810189402364,0.09569918938049243,0.2242570605043128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921174430108377,0.10961922344723042,0.0,0.2111649081009586,0.09936946336457406,0.0686385723941324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261590891720533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762676547447406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775652835294685,0.0,0.0,0.4323304612114313,0.0749484383059237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324338647906197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225369673826828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298812337451414,0.09243701930384944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137618925866164,0.0,0.0,0.08038533073651925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339457487848798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226671986465055,0.0,0.07714721501317401,0.0,0.22337997666653867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570002942282716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195149352490655,0.0,0.1558981093934404,0.0,0.0,0.09008350585306604,0.08768659540989489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lemur_pal,2019/07/06,"How to respond to BPD sibling's paranoid thoughts? I'm trying to figure out the best way to deal with my BPD sibling's paranoia. She often interprets innocent comments in a malicious or critical way. For instance, I asked if she was having fun on her vacation and she accused me of guilt tripping her for being away from home.  I tried to explain that I was just asking if she was having a good vacation, and she accused me of gaslighting her by denying that I was guilt tripping her. Is it better to just ignore her and not respond at all when she has these reactions? I worry that not responding will trigger her abandonment issues. Or is there some other approach?",5.531428571428571,7.005187380952384,6.071587301587304,76.46785714285714,68.04761904761905,8.457142857142857,35.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.343419047619048,534,27,88,9,9,173,80,126,0.187,0.703,0.11,-0.787,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,2,3,0,11,0,0,2,1,24,16,9,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,5,0,20,4,18,9,3,11,0,1,0,0,20,5,0,6,1,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39422045063791933,0.0,0.198094423465807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212672616283165,0.18647395554622967,0.0,0.0,0.5311000539836014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737040649289827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684553749626866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149323729280736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006585143851612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673861999502571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28629781394348497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33471553747707594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141218246963472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cabez0na,2019/07/06,"i hate mania. my fiancé and i have been getting into it lately, bad enough to where i moved out. I’ve been feeling so isolated and vulnerable and that’s exactly when my mania starts creeping in. i wake up every day with this dizziness in my head. It’s like my whole body wants to be doing everything all the time and going a million miles a minute. I keep doing stupid shit and entertaining bad decisions. I feel like I have no grip on anything and it terrifies me. I’m just tired of feeling like this... I haven’t slept in days, I’ve barely had anything to eat.. I can’t handle it anymore.",1.8933753501400543,4.1420825882352945,3.6472478991596655,86.57630602240896,80.26050420168067,6.319607843137256,23.36204481792717,7.492282038375204,1.137100280112045,464,16,92,7,12,155,78,119,0.243,0.654,0.10300000000000001,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,3,0,10,7,5,0,2,18,21,8,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,9,1,1,4,1,0,2,3,5,0,1,4,4,14,4,12,16,3,17,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,9,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806811601514232,0.0,0.0,0.2998497697386649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042380993494632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236937051246698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23499188108724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864234147196039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882485095145474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153500924466676,0.0,0.16373848205469116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763585988636084,0.26030973905385313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518551002900476,0.0,0.10354142088989854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987255273199576,0.18697705550897545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193672443177867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205515566782611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670230000974881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363660364813573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701297008216555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895333257069072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623506421068868,0.20939786411919709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745897644464196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340596736565508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,discardedyouth88,2019/07/06,"DEA: Have a really hard time opening mail and/or dealing with paperwork of any sort? Bills, love letters, applications, forms, all of it? FYI: I’m a male well into adulthood. Also I’m gonna post this to a few different subreddits in order to try and get as much feedback as possible. 

\--------------

DEA: Have a really hard time opening mail and/or dealing with paperwork of any sort? Bills, love letters, all of it?

I mean to the point that things go unopened for days, weeks, months or even years? And I’m not just talking bills. Even love letters. All of it gives me incredible amounts of stress and anxiety. 

My reactions range from feeling stressed and nauseous to full on panic attacks, with crying and total shutdown. 

It doesn’t happen all the time but very often. 

It can be a letter from a friend, a bill or government mail. It gets even worse when it comes to filling out any sort of paperwork. I immediately feel a sense of dread and that often morphs into a horrifying level of panic, that leads to me being unable to deal and so I just walk away from it.   

I’ve lost some friends in part do to this over the years and it has definitely impacted professional and educational opportunities for me. It is something that has been a source of  great shame, embarrassment and depression in my life. 

I come from a very abusive background going all the way back to my childhood. I am currently Dx’d with cPTSD, BPD, Anxiety and Depressive disorders. I under went lots of physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse as a child. A large part of that abuse centered around school and specifically homework. I was yelled at and beaten over things like poor spelling or math skills. 

I don’t know for sure but over the last couple of years I’m increasingly of the opinion that this aversion is tied to some part of my trauma. 

At any rate this has and continues to cause all sorts of problems in my life and I need to get a handle on it. 

So I guess my questions are as follows. 

* Anyone one else experiencing anything like this?.
* If so why do you think it happens?
* What workarounds (if any) have you found to mitigate this problem?
* Any tips and or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and wishing you all the best.",3.681676610978524,6.185079933174226,4.43510680190931,81.92220674224345,75.44391408114558,7.5312887828162305,26.94278042959427,8.472884824447931,2.09224338902148,1768,69,325,35,40,566,221,419,0.191,0.685,0.124,-0.9886,2,0,1,0,2,0,73.0,0,3,0,6,15,29,2,7,22,0,21,5,0,2,9,75,53,35,0,7,11,0,4,2,2,2,2,2,1,2,28,30,0,0,7,1,5,10,3,15,1,1,5,7,22,14,63,43,21,52,0,3,0,3,23,23,0,18,18,217,50,9,0.0,0.2773673314691763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625247619531975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624025786783067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183887398922004,0.0,0.11938932963017156,0.0,0.0,0.054562152878402666,0.0,0.06421411580327126,0.06946548735256397,0.0,0.08877325753185622,0.0733141219497413,0.06000219182256925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189031633847979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827922826911092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016089389192084,0.0,0.1344362143670414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634150004483594,0.08571505995594003,0.050324520436071815,0.2413443075943419,0.13441859161755926,0.0,0.0,0.08152737584347595,0.0894320292386128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651861582003661,0.0877760829914396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461923210609735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891117424624218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555863136782273,0.12057546397881228,0.0,0.12230631430779028,0.07485590433600837,0.08869535964298382,0.0,0.0,0.1720622592859309,0.08596161910736526,0.0,0.13800780084523767,0.0,0.13980362294609802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288463269597216,0.06360691930048146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102333542505792,0.07624549616003252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518171429987104,0.06634045870090388,0.21128218980076907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500029115073261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062284813615831,0.0,0.057362881312894375,0.057860125414591235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287685558050796,0.0,0.0,0.18310870018753111,0.0,0.2535048473851425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376595448024433,0.08796994258186394,0.07473358472969427,0.0,0.0,0.14933316773564642,0.0,0.0,0.08741428185901005,0.0,0.07805363749197973,0.0,0.09997926190178592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897307699050689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007324682328701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787719778265934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354472736163357,0.0,0.05867074436226689,0.06271958438654017,0.0,0.07184186113777581,0.0,0.0,0.10368267894156476,0.050000088503067135,0.0,0.0,0.18200556155940814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297895942290375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287700037463798,0.0,0.0619385828831857,0.06259298132354423,0.0,0.07016060751350413,0.07233692854081011,0.07041221282504748,0.0,0.08973354787886037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952180518328794,0.05543206390230456,0.0,0.0,0.1507511549639313
bpd,alivegirl773,2019/07/06,"How am I supposed to love myself?? I’ve done enough soul searching now that I know at the root of my BPD is I don’t love myself or value myself. If I did, I wouldn’t need the constant validation from others and I’d actually be confident. I wouldn’t get jealous. I wouldn’t feel like the scum of the earth every time someone cancels plans with me. I wouldn’t get suicidal when my FP doesn’t respond right away. I know I need to love myself, but HOW??? It’s not as easy as saying to yourself, “I love myself now.” Nope. Doesn’t work.",0.7195945945945965,2.8778545855855877,2.6877702702702706,92.26787162162165,84.22522522522524,5.141441441441441,20.06081081081081,6.42735559955562,0.11970810810810885,413,12,90,4,12,138,69,111,0.086,0.7290000000000001,0.185,0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,4,0,12,4,0,3,0,18,23,9,1,7,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,2,19,5,11,16,1,8,1,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,6,61,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.17787851290007686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712576049986928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295746686569593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697940016971774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865352303563828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883434658002725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357835338061698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921659998759192,0.1302205222272384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046704698019354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035210929200092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890525639334229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6580575172854837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703159020364387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566571019839973,0.0,0.14495598681491256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544448418841455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993842046916855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628865128629007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270165815414187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tyb68,2019/07/06,"Do we chose FPs at random or is there something more? If I posed the question, “Why is your FP your FP,” or, “Why is your FP special” we would say similar things about their qualities and our relationship like, she really gets me. I can always talk to him. I can be myself. I’m wondering why my FP is my FP at all? Why did I have to chose him?? 

Of course I love him dearly. We are not afraid to expose ourselves to one another fully and completely. I just so naturally accept and forgive him, and the way he communicates with me just makes sense to me while I dismiss everyone else’s feedback and advice or take offense. I’ve only had eyes for him for years, but he’s been having an emotional and mental downward spiral since about the time we met, and now it’s really hard to interact with him without things getting volatile. I understand it’s a combination of his circumstances and reaction to them, and I still love him forever, but I also know we can’t be in a relationship. He is very unhealthy right now, and I know he’ll get through it, but it’s been a 6 year decline and will takes years to fully recover. 

Then there’s this other man who loves and accepts me completely and wants to be in my life. I didn’t mean to start dating him, but I’ve let him into my life and he shows up every day wanting to do everything he can to love and support me. I know that he’s so good for me. The first few weeks were great, but as soon as I’m faced with the reality that dating him means I’ll lose my FP forever I start splitting. I find attributes in this wonderful man to hate. I’ve been doing this in relationships for years. 

I flip flop my thinking. I always think my FP and I have something really special, that he’s worth waiting for while focusing on myself. Then I think the idea that being attracted to him in the first place is just an unhealthy defense mechanism to keep me from accepting a healthy relationship and stuck in a cycle of tragedy. 

I love that I’m blind to his negative attributes. He teaches me compassion and patience that really help in my other relationships with family and friends. Im starting to recognize more ways that he can be bad for me though. 

I’ve only had a few FP’s in my life, and everyone else just seems blah. It’s almost like I didn’t chose them at all, they just happened to me. Why do you think you chose your FP as your FP instead of all the other people in the world? Has anyone successfully just decided to just chose someone else?",5.1251209677419345,5.513758850806456,6.08991935483871,79.89862903225806,68.35483870967741,9.706451612903226,30.51612903225807,9.698958519613793,2.6848975806451607,1954,72,394,41,31,649,221,496,0.08800000000000001,0.731,0.18,0.9941,0,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,6,7,4,4,20,26,3,1,17,0,37,11,2,3,3,83,77,40,0,4,18,0,1,3,1,3,4,1,0,2,21,30,0,3,21,1,1,0,6,6,0,3,11,4,73,20,56,57,7,43,0,1,2,5,62,19,0,10,24,267,94,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215301390795205,0.0,0.0,0.07393745053975019,0.0,0.0,0.059047710342346814,0.12287719748765545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742491025573141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162879911465525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061651111648473186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548341348862449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047618988970718513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504491974225212,0.08305709208241585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221116061843809,0.14110952396368948,0.0663602583627112,0.0,0.06960729191889824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748600962293431,0.12561204187533767,0.0,0.0,0.0570465613938646,0.0,0.115730919671065,0.0,0.0,0.061931274616320815,0.0,0.08140595038180168,0.0,0.0,0.06529413384744281,0.0,0.06614377167879455,0.07289910668445489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949162617355556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833533922461617,0.07975701966127258,0.0,0.0,0.06563003844212148,0.0,0.0,0.12173724659474658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550370352452189,0.15646053359609646,0.07214640913118563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260511929240467,0.0,0.0,0.33320550229626833,0.0,0.049287011346015284,0.0,0.0,0.1608610630261793,0.0,0.0,0.07441069243370994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003410625428758,0.1123132794696091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118952863018066,0.0,0.07714432601566072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271474199173508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920841484618206,0.0,0.0,0.3963684604211968,0.0,0.06305670224198477,0.0,0.05871843251240939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721875966516963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107902744108577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256215575727415,0.11368721462720202,0.0,0.0,0.15678739094329758,0.0,0.05896661130234459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378976143788502,0.0,0.0,0.11103301152128024,0.05934767328671706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810852248944567,0.18924799619200136,0.07254483158619597,0.0,0.043055158565875655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686729606992992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060923555108167465,0.08710237631098929,0.11721731949430494,0.05922787661884572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33313366494760205,0.0,0.0,0.07117658042135197,0.16014693507399333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245194224833522,0.0,0.0,0.1901953566795774
bpd,peaceandloving,2019/07/06,"How to handle rude coworkers? Thankfully I don’t have many, but I’ve been having an actual problem relating to my shifts. This is the end of my 8th week (2 months!!) after not having a job for over a year due to my BPD.

Recently another hostess got hired at my restaurant and there’s now 4 of us.

This week, the shifts were divvied up 3/3/3/3. Equally.
The new girl and the girl that started after me are causing a shit storm for “hours” and I got the short end of it, despite being the only person who actually pays attention and talks to customers / answers phones. These girls stay on their phones all the time, take constant breaks, and READ BOOKS..

I have two shifts now after talking to the new manager who literally told me there was “nothing she could do” because they “need the hours,” but so do I. One of them is a really nice girl with another job (the only one that’s been there longer) so she gave me a shift..

Now it’s 4/3/3/2 but I feel like shit. I almost freaked out at work yesterday because the new girl got in my face about it after I was super nice about it all. Said 3/3/3/3 wasn’t fair and “everyone needs to have one shift a week,” but I know she’d be upset if it was her.
The manager basically told me to find another job if I want to work more than 1 fucking day a week.

WWYD and what can I do? I really love this place and besides the new manager, all the servers, bartenders, etc. are great and this is the first issue I’ve had.
For ref I was making $250 a week before and I would have only made $50-60 next week (now about $100 but that’s more than 50% of what I was making gone..)
By all means I want to keep this job not only because it’s bringing me peace, but it’s stabilizing me after living with my abusive parents. My boyfriend was given a raise two months ago AND is being promoted to sous chef soon, but I want to keep fighting this constant battle with BPD. And I know I’ll win it, too. Why? Because I’ve given up a thousand times before and life is grand besides this right now.

Thank you to all you kind souls in advance, I have an opportunity at my boyfriend’s work too, if I only get one day a week, or if it gets to be too much. 💜",2.6998753595397917,4.033903570469803,3.9626692233940553,89.3995167785235,74.81655480984341,7.077251518056888,24.85196548418025,7.6583078777640585,1.0728660786193664,1684,54,370,22,35,552,209,447,0.071,0.784,0.145,0.9889,5,0,0,0,2,0,66.0,1,2,3,9,18,21,6,1,28,0,37,6,3,5,5,59,70,28,0,12,14,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,6,24,17,0,2,7,2,1,3,4,9,0,8,22,2,43,12,45,41,10,60,1,0,0,2,29,13,3,6,43,236,67,15,0.0,0.08231048923099034,0.13558523137414952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158088789354155,0.0,0.06956408476170553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853578857719186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939286105747628,0.0,0.11822756158405184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498985155662433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136473886620008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014459651433726,0.0,0.055466074147716316,0.0,0.0,0.08960469588398587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305944949561795,0.0,0.07747731854231402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663814806571986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512607625921113,0.04962932101237246,0.0,0.0,0.0634942435716683,0.0590910740383801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422381680737464,0.07259032643382693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666843111841418,0.0765908263150397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682774485450303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250854219852351,0.2757526842128918,0.1234961044443163,0.0,0.07234222594351336,0.07635769675541038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906865529122287,0.03393949130932152,0.0,0.06134320751439451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269931039167417,0.06573411309405132,0.0927434151406685,0.07043158987079864,0.0,0.07567310301830836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090044642008948,0.0,0.051068380687308235,0.10302212314511268,0.0,0.26837790642504405,0.07388204250657786,0.0,0.0,0.06665825686255805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882984486503611,0.26417500319031845,0.0,0.0,0.07713811917294246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060658450022007614,0.0725812750461682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647332634467391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948871434346104,0.0,0.0890084125967499,0.0,0.06859315994996866,0.0,0.0,0.05932692766024977,0.0660817974232291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261973846110876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049171163253650105,0.07404568590828975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052232730290458426,0.11167457208191536,0.0,0.12791712793701546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101693196183511,0.0,0.0,0.1327629613143972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357240247682696,0.0,0.08356375389688316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292546695370747,0.0,0.39007202703153937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626857927510869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172477606671214,0.0,0.0,0.04934943428320705,0.0,0.0,0.044736347469229484
bpd,videvie,2019/07/06,"I’ve identified my negative thought patterns, but what do I do from here?? I’ve started noting all the shitty things I think all the time, and all the negative patterns in my relationships. 

1) I want to be loved by people in authority.
2) I think that people only hate or pity me.
3) people in authority pity me and care for me
4) I think that their care is obligatory and I feel like a burden
5) I either distance myself to see if they’ll try to stay or fuck up my life to see if they’ll stay
6) they let me go and I get upset, or they stay but I feel like it’s just a matter of time before they go and I feel like they’re only their out of pity obligation
7) I know like I’m a shitty person because I’m manipulative and a burden, and so the cycle repeats

I KNOW that this is toxic, but i can’t stop BELIEVING these thoughts. I feel so hopeless right now and I’m so exhausted and pained and I’m honestly on my last fucking legs",0.7424242424242422,2.7106430909090906,3.3487777777777765,88.68650000000002,82.73737373737373,6.384242424242425,21.011111111111113,7.554174236665415,0.7516941414141418,724,22,160,12,20,253,103,198,0.263,0.585,0.151,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,7,0,6,20,3,1,8,0,9,7,1,1,3,39,37,21,0,3,10,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,11,0,0,2,3,12,0,0,2,6,30,8,15,31,4,19,0,4,2,3,10,7,2,5,11,98,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715532806835296,0.0,0.10770095320184477,0.1425999953226774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580911970363791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25598849166271204,0.2712628988457738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402212464637226,0.06612711321630467,0.0,0.14386423437090373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496074933453588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911809758519872,0.10317068201413496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294254456477287,0.0893994746468716,0.24734101025003175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142335239567784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252295674199651,0.13467841036686196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26324116220232474,0.11051522673031157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588781009677595,0.0,0.10808929109145568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017183178390592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958623660180448,0.40471735250012775,0.0,0.10581740684662036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840868636391643,0.2433010412244332,0.0,0.20096340154174264,0.14760688084690524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593208783212977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465371461788399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Twyerverse,2019/07/06,"First ever reality show I’ve seen with a BPD female Bravo’s Below Deck - Caroline Bedol. 

I am a BPD guy, I am not throwing stones,  I have watched this show and belong to the Reddit group for it r/belowdeck.  I have a lot of empathy and sympathy for this young lady.  

If you have BPD, and want to see it in the wild, I would watch the season with her in it, it’s available on demand.

I",1.4512698412698413,2.9839519753086456,3.782116402116405,88.55666666666669,78.62962962962962,6.603880070546737,21.447971781305114,7.447530270364453,0.6722119929453263,294,8,65,4,7,102,54,81,0.021,0.925,0.054000000000000006,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,9,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,8,0,11,7,1,9,0,0,4,0,4,4,0,2,4,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8666242499608854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074720227528576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509610514498332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271054938589058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499627498873254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277266634390787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528427779250274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293293998191036,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heygirlhey89,2019/07/06,"Therapy struggles Does anyone else struggle with therapy? I have problems opening up and being honest. I know that I have to be honest in order for it to be affective, however, I worry about being judged and worry that I'll feel worse about myself after opening up. Sometimes I try to pretend that everything is fine, even though I understand that that is wrong to do.
Also, I've had three therapists in the past, the second one was the most helpful, however I still held back a lot about what I was dealing with in my life and thoughts/feelings I was having at the time.  (I quit going all of those times because my insurance is awful and had to pay $60 copays per session for therapy and couldn't afford it anymore).
Does anyone else struggle with this? Any advice for opening up and just being honest?",5.891176470588236,6.822411614379085,6.495954248366015,75.74079411764707,66.84313725490196,8.73437908496732,32.29346405228757,8.841846274778883,2.8650554248366022,639,26,107,10,10,209,93,153,0.171,0.74,0.09,-0.8846,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,3,5,1,18,1,0,1,1,23,23,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,5,0,3,6,1,13,4,23,11,3,18,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,2,6,87,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630686569675192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336548421145776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789809375263836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818660937370555,0.18075674022927127,0.2648748320388873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099389412150122,0.0,0.07879288262929983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332566257385582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226224515862163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595257596647652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537196236414785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616640506955955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071081209169785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345881364990402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663715958132959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103537894966296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129690054239163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988830560639927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758679362970896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233888899679201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236799465563751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374790116764162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783688022997616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322351695328104,0.0,0.0,0.4053773764042932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434443903629787,0.15007546365421234,0.0,0.0,0.12699275891427855,0.0,0.15073970818377885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775592146597194,0.0,0.0,0.13455941360347087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625302341416058,0.1317222793069809,0.0,0.14132047199869008,0.0,0.0
bpd,orangesrloud,2019/07/06,"so alone it physically hurts my bf knows i've been sad and missing him for the past few days but isn't making me feel loved. he's a great guy all of the time but when i don't get texts back in the evening i get so hurt i cry. it's so stupid and embarrassing, i hate how my mood is so dependent on how much attention i get from him. my head's been such a mess i couldn't even study for an important exam i have in 12 hours :( 
sorry for venting",1.1235606060606074,2.239302101010104,3.0625126262626274,95.14710227272732,78.49494949494951,6.970202020202023,20.455808080808087,7.645422480735847,0.2797565656565659,344,8,89,5,8,116,68,99,0.33,0.563,0.10800000000000001,-0.9781,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,2,1,6,0,7,2,1,4,1,13,16,11,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,1,13,2,8,13,3,9,0,4,0,1,6,3,0,1,6,54,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016923709002514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634612455778108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23350964422443904,0.137096805028581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808147669570146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074870637262838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331935362944974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343706985153113,0.0,0.21048806907095413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987918542373948,0.21816887294429668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934892389016813,0.0,0.4551435405565522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168286568157296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186215738789392,0.0,0.14189910224891866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562710918471968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029320951627633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379664115020002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395737093473674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aaliyahjn,2019/07/06,"Are there any BPD Christians on here? I’m a non-denominational Christian and I find it very hard sometimes to stay strong with my faith. Don’t get me wrong, I strongly believe in Jesus Christ. But I struggle with things like dissociating during church services, socializing in small groups, and my black and white thinking makes it hard to communicate with others. Also things like wanting God to just end it all. I think about it all the time. If I didn’t believe in God I think I would’ve committed suicide by now. I do work on these things in therapy, DBT and everything. But it’s still so hard to deal with and I don’t know any other Christian who can relate to me.

I recognize that a lot of people without BPD have these issues as well, but it just feels as if what goes on in my head is more extreme than others I’m around. Does anyone else go through this? Can you give me some advice?",3.775998376623374,5.465291096590914,4.331038961038964,86.40227272727276,72.69318181818181,6.846753246753247,25.63961038961039,7.447530270364453,1.1445564935064936,707,23,143,8,14,224,113,176,0.063,0.843,0.095,0.5188,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,3,11,8,0,1,3,0,9,1,1,1,3,31,21,14,1,3,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,6,17,6,26,20,5,16,7,0,2,0,6,10,0,4,6,97,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990377446067095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063090788766881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080243038853705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295212372447137,0.13620890777266967,0.0,0.11834145528249652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995472837709352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33485713094843705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705144656896398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633341673044388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105118699525884,0.0,0.11774206854750828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947453846486407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721656720663803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215013330488492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945370896659181,0.12752457361524006,0.07555073992126607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572543321240227,0.0,0.13643095459375604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387509172324464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305829176349048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989188326742818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301765417591282,0.0,0.0,0.08873598563604376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216126425995597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551177573571585,0.0,0.0,0.13147736004328445,0.0,0.0,0.14169236513887656,0.1061630687403012,0.0,0.0,0.13897384222515258,0.0,0.14541069171542026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202419850996132,0.0,0.26495083201369946,0.25554056251020546,0.0,0.0,0.0775162020930289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968633648775984,0.07840925024785562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952566249930265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281458105372102,0.0,0.09677918034588262,0.0,0.0,0.09443410478381876,0.14534493132993234,0.0,0.0
bpd,frufrufruf,2019/07/06,"Missing my FP Broke up with my girlfriend who was also my FP about a month ago. I've accepted the breakup but still find myself missing her. God, I miss her so much. BUT have to keep reminding myself that emotions are just emotions. They come and go. I don't have to act on them. :)",1.3336842105263145,3.5725966666666693,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,82.33333333333333,5.203508771929825,23.535087719298247,6.42735559955562,0.5163824561403505,218,8,47,2,6,69,45,57,0.131,0.737,0.131,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,11,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,11,1,6,10,1,8,0,4,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673654466708703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241203163533362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25981650827237485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6785575002996546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27567265387462125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141600387144046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26809122323754275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407479691131237,0.0,0.22172334437308766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408718832026829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,i_secrete_olive_oil,2019/07/06,"Fresh BPD diagnosis, does anyone else find it impossible to hold down work, even part time jobs? Hey, so last week got diagnosed with BPD (or EUPD). On the waitlist for therapy and will hopefully be able to start on some meds soon (venlafaxine and quetiapine).

Wanted to know if anyone else finds it incredibly difficult to hold down even the simplest of part time jobs. Before work I can feel such lows that it can feel like like it'd be easier to start speaking Arabic then just stand up and walk in. I don't understand how my friends can so easily stick to work, the longest job I've ever held down has been for a month. I'm finishing off university and the prospect of full time work is terrifying as if I fuck up a proper job relating to the career I want to go into that could potentially hang over my head for the rest of my working life.

If anyone has any advice, stories of their own relating to this would be great!",7.750166666666665,6.663891905555558,8.00888888888889,73.26500000000003,63.27777777777778,12.0,33.333333333333336,11.20814326018867,3.517333333333333,733,24,144,18,9,241,117,180,0.061,0.8029999999999999,0.136,0.9134,4,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,5,9,8,1,0,8,0,15,4,1,1,1,28,29,13,0,8,5,0,2,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,7,6,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,3,3,8,5,29,19,6,29,0,1,0,1,4,13,1,6,14,90,15,10,0.10884937740386018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063663518236998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402130923882237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283300466645916,0.2230581007491201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262280303521893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274183960774131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690737070253139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104798268035239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525482368912813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185937514776912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378797438464386,0.0984604936062543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007503154648048,0.07776201696645171,0.0,0.0,0.19897271794877855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409675896966723,0.10062949543436872,0.0,0.0,0.06186160961350037,0.0,0.08705679068972977,0.12000682285981493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171086426250183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811199214271376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320648453554661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982077116401749,0.08872677051702034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768835343188718,0.10635661521020016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090711996007955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688253456012593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23574653686797406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540882991422462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447874937861912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041284192308927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331604065689024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840436596583946,0.0,0.08731240486014563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962182156991913,0.0,0.0,0.07732347466649521,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BigD0395,2019/07/06,"I don't deserve to forgive myself I have done horrible things. The main one is having sexually assaulted someone who used to be my friend. I used them, and I hurt them, and I don't deserve to forgive myself for that.

I verbally assaulted my ex. I let my temper get the better of me and yelled and screamed and insulted her over the phone. I had my reasons, but they don't excuse what I did. 

I want to apologise for these things, and I have. But apologising won't make them better. I'm getting counseling, but I've hurt people, and I can't unhurt them. 

I don't deserve to forgive myself.",2.8709322033898275,4.663081686440679,4.712,82.29698305084747,75.35593220338983,7.770847457627119,27.90169491525424,8.548686976883017,2.1681294915254243,461,19,90,9,10,157,63,118,0.215,0.6659999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.816,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,5,2,0,13,4,0,3,0,15,0,0,4,0,18,22,10,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,2,27,6,9,16,1,1,0,2,0,0,15,1,0,0,0,72,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979990588353881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302592669033749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738390838572524,0.0,0.2351127051073404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817471711297002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300838881052021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019325773726294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246989442201925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599083525325794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231343651225118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906468606563368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989679877530387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886658956347921,0.0,0.0,0.1327143733971013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kitty_nirvana,2019/07/06,"Making peace with a former workplace bully Just wanted to share a positive experience that happened to me yesterday. I have been diagnosed with BPD almost 10 years ago. I am in my early 30s now and am able to look after myself whilst being entirely financially independent, not having any close family, friends, any form of social support and living abroad by myself. 

​

I have moved to a foreign country 1.5 years ago to start a new job. A colleague of mine (a female who is also in her early 30s and started working there around the same time as I did) and I got along well at first, but she suddenly went 180 on me without any real reason. She started to become popular amongst the other colleagues and gradually started to ostracize me from the group. She would not acknowledge me in any way for months (i.e. not say hello, not address me, she even once brought chocolate to the office for Easter and offered it to everyone EXCEPT me). It was truly bizarre. When I tried resolving the situation with her informally and suggested that we talk to understand what her problem was, she refused to do so and continued to treat me in this manner. I raised this to my manager and HR, who did nothing to help me. Being a grown woman and a former team leader, I found this type of behavior extremely petty and unprofessional that I would personally never allow in an office environment. What made it even more bizarre is that we sat back-to-back all this time and only communicated via email. 

​

During this time I was suffering from burnout symptoms and my BPD and PTSD flared up. She was unaware of this, but her behavior was extremely hurtful to me, a person all by herself in a new country, in a new job, being alienated in the one place where she has minimal social interaction: the office. I have also recently lost my mother (which she also didn't know) and on the grand scheme of things the fact that his one woman from work didn't talk to me wasn't really in my ""top 50 problems of my life"" category, it definitely hurt. 

​

I was very triggered, and my BPD self often was tempted to let my anger get the best of me (especially when HR/management did nothing to support) and just tell her exactly how petty and pathetic her behavior is, but I reminded myself that I have sacrificed too much and worked too hard to give in to this trigger. If I let her see just how aggravated I am, she wins. So I ""ignored her ignoring me"" and just went about my job, keeping it professional. It was difficult and I knew it wasn't fair, but I just took it one day at a time and stayed cool as a cucumber in front of her. I expressed my anger in other, more creative ways. I went for my dramatic make-up looks and let my eyes do all the talking and I kept a journal. I also discussed my anger in therapy, which I religiously adhered to on a weekly basis (and still do).

​

Fast forward 3-4 months. I had a breakdown and had to take some time off work. It was not due to this woman but due to my burnout and other personal issues. I came back to work and throughout the weeks, we started to talk again as colleagues. I let her make the first move. She wanted to invite me out for coffee so we talk it out, but I remembered how she rejected me when I suggested this months ago so I thanked her for the invite but instead suggested that we meet within the office and just keep our conversations work-focused. I reassured her that I will support her in terms of work, but I also wanted to show that I am not interested in being friendly beyond work and it was important for me to set that boundary. With time, things went back to normal and though I would not say we are friends, but we are courteous and professional. My anger and hurt is gone and I just look at her as another colleague. 

​

Yesterday she confided in me that she is struggling with depression and anxiety. I was surprised to learn that as from the outside she seems very outgoing and sociable. She also confessed that she is having problems with other team members, who have turned against her and she feels isolated from the group. That truly came as a shock. She turned to me and said: ""This is what I get for doing what I did to you; it's karma. Back then I wanted to turn them against you and now they have turned against me. I deserve it."" Her honestly shocked me, but I also respected it. I felt no sense of justice, nor was I glad that she ""got what she deserves"". I felt bad for her. I was able to tell her how she made me feel months ago (without going into detail about my BPD or the loss of my mother), but I also told her that I'm glad we were able to talk it out and move past it and reassured her that I won't treat her the way the others do or she treated me. 

​

She seemed genuinely grateful and she hugged me. I could see she was holding tears back. The reason I am sharing this is because 3-4 months ago I was consumed by anger against this person. Today I see her just like another imperfect human being. I felt relieved as I neither wished her any harm, nor did I feel any great attachment towards her, and I knew that my reaction was within the range of what would be considered 'healthy' and 'reasonable'. It was as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders - although I did feel sad for her.",6.35269856770833,6.4960120498046905,6.841585937500002,76.40940364583334,65.708984375,9.990729166666668,33.57057291666666,9.766711354998122,3.152511510416668,4185,169,782,81,60,1369,396,1024,0.14400000000000002,0.73,0.125,-0.9751,3,1,0,0,0,0,138.0,9,2,2,19,49,56,5,1,41,1,78,7,2,15,6,167,145,91,0,16,33,2,9,1,3,6,3,4,1,9,65,67,1,7,23,3,0,16,19,25,1,5,56,21,167,31,124,72,12,119,2,9,7,1,120,38,0,9,63,608,232,19,0.1158553321858744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116460278672924,0.0,0.038670793305364,0.0,0.0,0.24706524611110697,0.0,0.2510584080390968,0.28155381920773986,0.15757119747003667,0.0809896116062609,0.02954300400406828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034378602800743494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817119825613573,0.03224478769824893,0.023541445056731117,0.04265103736937609,0.0,0.0,0.040527674474365005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455431357325145,0.0,0.0,0.0883384238719874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030833685172080225,0.0,0.0,0.024905701595797608,0.0,0.033262009282404116,0.039196907811026235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101423616740607,0.0,0.0,0.03690157825826342,0.0,0.03777624859102169,0.036406032108108735,0.0,0.07810658268855253,0.0,0.11123928744068877,0.0,0.0,0.0656976575817206,0.0,0.04234313061162226,0.08950954225522917,0.0,0.04035308620974946,0.037046330494982106,0.021947751722803454,0.0,0.06177339515670392,0.0425769709133929,0.0,0.0,0.034150162544619486,0.0,0.03459454044405702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025885129012867047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402552928195285,0.0,0.0,0.040307622213926204,0.11496854042345855,0.0686516949851798,0.0,0.0,0.02122368689688877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579599021319533,0.02727734912403544,0.01886702107571568,0.0,0.03410079362940277,0.0,0.0972893001251136,0.0,0.04215659363244344,0.0,0.0,0.0730834110526766,0.07733433386546926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412436804403706,0.12313588315062805,0.02838899988066373,0.0,0.02978492481214073,0.11189380176538764,0.0,0.0,0.037837875708667215,0.07411087724528974,0.0,0.0,0.041127382556317454,0.07850657144871225,0.029371066922856806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686567462516818,0.0,0.134880543088298,0.04034805452792002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085790629750257,0.04514289449790555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043956243995879565,0.024739964147866438,0.11911857716540655,0.03813105454737786,0.0,0.0437471689064468,0.0,0.03673498383762788,0.06142187349783135,0.0,0.0,0.09232169991171828,0.07031356213336636,0.04028745952631725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340874917501863,0.0,0.07873328077165632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667166737547354,0.04116212302256378,0.03084073931335762,0.0,0.0,0.0403723826967199,0.0,0.0,0.13147125801672896,0.0,0.040139350118510914,0.029036263809929002,0.18624025497804209,0.06750844457395146,0.03555467474065887,0.04416355641562199,0.0,0.05131275648521743,0.0,0.037942425214323665,0.0,0.13511235176296968,0.0,0.03660576943459511,0.03690157825826342,0.04290651230967174,0.02621938853682409,0.16802311029614295,0.0,0.0402031622210776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637285216035218,0.09111263550850804,0.09196057006731888,0.061954772795732985,0.04702686099806108,0.034722619100383954,0.1431987381882803,0.0,0.0,0.0444093047929214,0.07445360394667512,0.0,0.22491749776443554,0.0,0.0,0.10973373857730064,0.0,0.28155381920773986,0.049738023640953984
bpd,Oyster62,2019/07/06,"Enough traits to be diagnosed? Quiet BPD? Hey :) 

Have you ever been told you have traits of BPD but not enough to get a diagnosis?
Do some of you have mild or quiet BPD? 

I have been in therapy for a year and a half now and also have recently started seeing a psychiatrist. 

The psychiatrist said I had a lot of BPD traits but he wasn’t sure I had enough of them to receive a diagnosis. He said I had emotional dysregulation that was in “the realm of personality disorders”. 
I think it is because I am high functional and have never actually engaged in impulsive/risky behavior. 
The main symptoms I experience are emotional and relational.
 
I feel like « I am on the spectrum » and some mental health professionals find it tricky giving a diagnosis to someone who isn’t putting themselves in danger. 
He said that receiving a diagnosis might be harmful for me if I identify with the illness. 

Has any people with quiet BPD struggled to get a diagnosis ? Have you ever been told you’re « on the spectrum » ? 

Let me know",3.8598286052009456,6.418289675531915,5.7439716312056746,72.48388888888887,75.11702127659575,9.284160756501183,30.125295508274235,9.725611199111238,3.4590238770685584,801,37,140,24,18,275,100,188,0.091,0.828,0.081,-0.599,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,1,0,4,6,1,1,15,0,26,4,0,0,4,24,39,10,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,13,8,17,3,20,22,7,17,0,0,1,0,19,7,0,6,8,106,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.09944101817706552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149047279833252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692964123625774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211811716055824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6417059156474603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342772526789913,0.0,0.0,0.1167877754465677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22925060646074516,0.0,0.3158740035683364,0.0,0.0,0.18435121011838135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967907365960554,0.0,0.0,0.05152438436517163,0.07279834481807264,0.0,0.0,0.09313598782342156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647849912894808,0.0977530602947448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831636995367068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766437107280943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600231702271746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042010344273389,0.0,0.04978385238577048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663288376373238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269259337098503,0.10810122903876047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859260315755169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706455655301775,0.08897632832274857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243900211595823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061528967833692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29079455714183405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120218275694834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634068319304397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212630003043127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652941620033128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960408164447766,0.10591452000510923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653307454327795,0.0,0.0,0.06529427049927121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947422136689012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562112844852712
bpd,ktgft,2019/07/06,"The genuine nicest thing that has even been said to me So my friend from school lives with me and he has just said this to me “I have been researching and listening to podcasts to try to understand your condition because I find you truly interesting and incredible and I cannot even begin to comprehend how you begin to deal with your borderline everyday. You know what and where your faults are and you work hard to fix them and I have a lot of time for that.”

I have never ever felt so emotional at someone saying something like this to me. Imagine someone loving you platonically so much to take the time to learn to understand you regardless of how many times you split on him and enter rage episodes around him. I feel so whole right now.",6.227621283255086,7.002757098591548,6.1027699530516415,79.410696400626,66.04225352112675,9.973082942097028,30.56651017214398,9.994966539143718,2.8274106416275435,596,21,114,13,9,187,88,142,0.053,0.8109999999999999,0.136,0.9135,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,10,1,1,13,6,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,2,26,21,14,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,6,11,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,7,24,4,21,16,3,15,0,0,0,1,21,5,0,1,10,87,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513458352339138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363712816878087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752738767786969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123949316696806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245813253762957,0.15378468363525696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596267031836795,0.0,0.16323722215738568,0.0,0.15538697482142447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313500775714091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229646325027466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343359992754666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305878745654814,0.0,0.15012282854815942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453727332150745,0.1534415659925904,0.0,0.0,0.17236447063950947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497764738425066,0.0,0.1311229647464112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451884658515585,0.3234387879829647,0.1351995716643848,0.0,0.17206020937358735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28809953872649513,0.1308827744853913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782711455309434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294775464583028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974043454660521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542630980169817,0.0,0.0,0.35397489541151045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981121107151147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377003348265896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SomePigsCamping,2019/07/06,"DAE give people an opportunity to leave (as quiet BPD)? Whenever I fuck things up, I somehow always send people texts like 'I can understand if you don't want to have contact with me' or 'you're probably really done with me' or 'you don't even have to respond'. Does anyone feel the same?",2.0766666666666684,4.548534285714286,4.064285714285717,82.54738095238098,81.14285714285714,7.3047619047619055,21.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.5235690476190475,224,7,43,5,6,76,43,56,0.109,0.799,0.092,0.1872,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,11,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,7,2,7,10,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,4,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241864561559876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839097482292028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393363099092607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23577907533660264,0.2757193426762245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795526951777793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623136420039753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490827074809055,0.0,0.2584607836230367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852863380868746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162936751650278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735761964150778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904899599844868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260307390848054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899661145688542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804850216728274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891616562859584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yeebekayyay,2019/07/06,"My fp has been distant lately and its getting to me pretty badly My fp and I have known each other for about 9 months or so and we been sleeping together the whole time through. I constantly try to keep my bpd under wraps because i know im a high energy person and it can be draining to be around me while i get like that. Every so often i did start splitting on them since they are the first close relationship after 2 relationships where the partners were extremely toxic and emotionally manipulated me only to blow up on right in my face. My fp is aware of some of the the stuff they did but it was never a full indepth conversation. I go to therapy and i try to keep myself busy as of late because i had such a bad episode i started self harming again. I try to go out with other friends n do things by myself so i dont Rely on them 24/7  but i feel like we are getting more distant each day and it hurts so much. We went from hanging out every other night to use not seeing each other for over a week. Our text feel to bland n it takes hours for them to reply after i immeditatey text them back. My mom even got them a gift and they made no plan to come get it yet. I want to talk to them about it but im afraid to be too needy n drive them away for good or be perceived as ""crazy"" for not being able to handle a causal fwb without trying to turn it into something complicated.",1.911739480032164,3.7680075191637634,3.5986236933797926,88.92294760117933,78.33797909407664,6.087858482980434,21.83985526668453,7.010146845296331,0.5372858214955771,1086,31,232,12,26,362,169,287,0.08,0.8290000000000001,0.091,0.2846,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,4,0,10,2,15,9,0,1,11,0,20,2,2,3,1,43,42,20,0,1,8,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,15,21,0,2,5,0,0,6,6,5,0,1,10,3,39,4,47,27,8,42,0,1,1,0,23,17,0,4,21,171,54,0,0.1109650090914262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878238403946724,0.0,0.0,0.10425527878612617,0.08532524253006693,0.18530229515962932,0.1352864792043113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975654443635668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558652981887604,0.0,0.11991375378614333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715632509578093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005016423088708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482069974595088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329134196896163,0.0,0.18698561208225048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221448544418652,0.07927342466677206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438678004666597,0.0,0.0,0.08573129076342942,0.0,0.2318985493536692,0.0,0.12612794371259106,0.09307218492669098,0.08874885461690905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724062450684875,0.0,0.0,0.10927818175614044,0.0,0.11879033726527805,0.0,0.23972250301980566,0.0,0.0,0.19726159722930145,0.0,0.0,0.06098346701095528,0.0,0.2503467271014365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084237967659211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499777462398233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996087752034416,0.08857121158883746,0.0,0.08157204947978476,0.0,0.08558305578712792,0.0,0.0,0.1041331440564367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439388968884415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968903658187064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289130688685163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382697845376335,0.0,0.09476351146156904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884247455577085,0.0,0.11576070505160545,0.0,0.0,0.09179140220119186,0.0,0.11104514669391473,0.0,0.0,0.08542628525842501,0.0,0.0,0.15708320913735774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270283872638567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343187707098032,0.08918947102785002,0.0,0.0,0.1268981585924807,0.0,0.07372022136305073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470458915817551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30135182895432266,0.12069806548697495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958381399888658,0.0,0.0,0.0654500373663731,0.0,0.08900943698697493,0.0,0.0,0.1028656751386062,0.0,0.12388846986164635,0.0,0.1069663089685512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,H1VAIDS,2019/07/06,The LGBT community are bringing it on themselves. Straight people don’t seem to need to make everything about sex and crude behaviour so I think LGBT people are targeted because they take the sexual spotlight. I was at the gay and lesbian mardi gra and a gay man on a float dressed as the village people bent over pulled his thong to the side and spread his cheeks to expose his anus to the crowd and I was just flawed at how they blame straight people who feel sick by seeing that could discriminate against them.,8.469587628865977,7.890759051546389,7.060536082474227,78.99554639175258,61.57731958762887,10.234226804123713,34.8639175257732,9.3871,2.9417727835051544,416,15,78,6,5,124,68,97,0.11,0.852,0.038,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,8,0,6,7,2,2,0,13,14,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,9,0,14,11,0,11,0,0,1,4,9,9,0,1,0,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779992134948926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21977792503058868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473918072757053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918302806425495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837425458090207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410664361046085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7633406086030471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935178500024474,0.2505923100164101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696617271572265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637967722091089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,catatonic365,2019/07/06,"DAE want to break up with their significant other because you think they deserve better than you? I don't know why he loves me, I know he can do better and I feel like I have to break up with him to save him from me. 

He is a wonderful, magical beautiful person and I am just a piece of shit. 

He can do so much better than me, so i want to save him from me because I love him so much. 

The end.",1.1430897009966792,2.302037162790697,3.3339867109634547,93.04174418604653,78.53488372093024,6.774750830564784,20.42524916943522,7.447530270364453,0.3211481727574754,300,7,74,4,7,103,48,86,0.035,0.601,0.364,0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,3,4,9,1,0,3,0,8,3,1,0,0,14,17,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,19,8,13,17,3,5,0,0,0,2,15,2,1,1,2,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256730264359189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5587118923382423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650777136461785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647351709666747,0.1504354861702253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314540477266481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287676259393272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801059957664116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095950748432015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386677942094246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615316566106746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349285529943745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484062782062893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900120234593745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228360613066626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fholy101,2019/07/06,"I'm a guy. And I'm in dbt, the only guy in there. I've had my confidence & ego shattered in front of me for years. Maybe I really am just a fucking pussy? I'm just an absolute arrogant pussy who has no self confidence and tries to put out the impression that I'm alright every day. But I not.

You see for girls its different, theres not s lot of stigma around girls and bpd/dbt. But for a guy? HA! Why cant my pussy self just go to the gym and work out to deal with my problems? I gotta talk about them and be in therapy? I'm just a fucking pussy I want to leave therapy.",-0.5020022497187853,1.4013394803149597,2.163605174353208,95.70781496062992,87.26771653543307,6.463217097862768,19.30764904386952,7.7094869923839395,0.5083570303712035,442,13,110,9,14,153,75,127,0.099,0.7709999999999999,0.131,0.6204,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,8,6,2,0,8,2,5,2,0,0,0,20,16,7,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,9,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,1,10,3,18,13,1,12,0,0,1,2,12,7,2,1,2,61,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743959828659658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432851487864284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027187079777272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380343783799936,0.16593878169025486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816497836703584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561254624823665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29760283922239544,0.0,0.0,0.09147512158526327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781158508156109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042938280354653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683921120821255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617021437568915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241444826741675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401335233676292,0.0,0.16180544427833576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311266762188727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826125778232098,0.0,0.3358248539600765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937050214643978,0.0,0.0,0.3681348999915359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927869900247278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493614102663486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523794153797445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717803555977906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036505200493904
bpd,3daniel0,2019/07/06,"Trying so hard I have been doing my best to stay positive and focused on recovering from this extremely fucked up diagnosis, but tonight I find myself in the familiar place of despair. I feel so fucking alone. I have either lost everybody I cared most about due to transitioning, or I have pushed everybody I care most about away. I can’t hold friendships without getting paranoid. I’m so afraid of feeling the pain of rejection that my body is on high alert just waiting for it to happen. I lost my best friend last year and everything she listed that she hated about me are things that I hate about myself. I hate that I get so much adrenaline from fear, I don’t know
How to not be afraid, and even when I think I’m doing ok, i feel like I’m just blind to it from a euphoric manic mood. Wtf I just want it to end already. This is exhausting. I want to feel normal and stay feeling normal. I want off this God damn roller coaster. I have a lot on my plate right now. A move, raising 3 kids as the primary physical caregiver. I have help financially, but they are with me the majority of the time, and I don’t have friends or babysitters. I work nights and take care of them exhausted because I have no other choice (it’s the summer, things will change once school starts again) I feel like I’m drowning in every direction, and I’m just trying to stay afloat for my kids sake, but I’m so fucking overwhelmed, anxious, sad, and angry at myself. Then I get angry at all the abuse that I went though that physically changed my brain when it was developing. It’s like a second punishment that I didn’t deserve. Every day is a fight...every day! In some form! I’m so tired, I’m so upset, I’m so done. I feel so empty",2.98979733817302,4.814308500000003,4.1215910465819725,86.51763157894739,75.1111111111111,7.290340794515022,25.24339584593668,8.104835398774808,1.4566606977213148,1345,46,275,22,29,438,179,342,0.252,0.5660000000000001,0.18100000000000002,-0.9905,0,1,0,0,2,1,41.0,0,0,2,5,25,33,8,5,12,1,23,10,2,1,1,44,63,28,1,5,12,0,8,3,2,1,5,0,0,2,19,9,0,2,10,1,0,3,7,21,0,1,7,9,43,11,36,54,11,36,0,6,1,3,9,14,4,6,19,180,62,2,0.0,0.10678645164336192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334499804285194,0.09945803232032527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181851838762476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467783386990133,0.0,0.0,0.05494093989431168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916668216301066,0.0,0.0,0.1001114302411028,0.0,0.10061219296326546,0.0,0.0,0.275673241860846,0.0,0.1906860710025823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624967380743975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223181211206427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982628991515492,0.0,0.0,0.05952842054244014,0.0,0.22780913513901144,0.0,0.08100086284051784,0.0,0.0,0.10141859121544793,0.3189985086037027,0.12877433089986345,0.0,0.0,0.08237498080918917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926469875180938,0.2499645028936611,0.1412638314252026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969952665282312,0.0,0.08073661419798116,0.2669469960229322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041062109081535,0.09522474296155783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049531764228052416,0.07346601176229997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320953580046978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676981352058132,0.07662325062801915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579136056585293,0.06625414592623757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457863405507365,0.1766117967719168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598293764855048,0.0,0.0,0.09590210597603853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416414469582587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696846599904808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121392871869027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379276925809843,0.2881920444715845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776472815888394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975352673007247,0.057750117919239737,0.08854989564663669,0.0,0.0525541201860498,0.10358840180862984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238142953381488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947875605199865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354917517578285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687977669789577,0.0,0.06561395602561784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803921043789467
bpd,baohst,2019/07/06,"I just don't want to eat tacos alone. One thing about my BPD that really pisses me off (in addition to the other emotions that I feel during the swing) is when this happens:

1. I am struck by an awful feeling of emptiness
2. I reach out seeking validation and the first three people are busy.
3. My fear of abandonment is triggered. 
4. I recognize that I'm triggered, and that I need to step back and breathe.
5. I say some passive aggressive bullshit to hurt someone who's not there right when I want them to be there for me to shove into the cavern in my soul that I stumbled back into. I just want some shoulders to stand on to climb out, and if I'm going to be stuck miserable, you can be too. 


I am able to recognize when this is happening now.. Usually after I've said some bullshit, though. I need a snuggle date, damnit. And step 5 was step 4 a year ago, so that's a good thing.",2.0774102209944765,3.868705977900557,3.5555766574585626,89.71966332872928,77.61878453038673,6.734944751381216,24.572168508287287,7.645422480735847,1.149543922651934,686,24,147,10,16,226,111,181,0.23399999999999999,0.726,0.04,-0.9867,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,2,14,7,2,2,8,1,12,4,3,2,0,27,26,11,0,6,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,12,10,1,1,2,0,0,5,2,6,0,3,3,4,19,1,24,20,3,27,1,3,0,0,5,9,1,4,12,101,31,0,0.1782920300156985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580451270833995,0.0,0.0,0.18465677303336755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274191131543698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224552570396378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243725736014868,0.0,0.20055453631648532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006281019025523,0.18029961490407265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165510965082735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132746939936553,0.14954289576909865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31532610664882155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086530565527926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26440256225306225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081529377264147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360524455272648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421843985640502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226041946230512,0.16959654900898294,0.14178497838657506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510662584527953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368986048421013,0.0,0.17517101425234324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636348215402047,0.0,0.3154837760714141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481422179628906
bpd,lightbuulb,2019/07/06,"i want to get back with my ex and make things right no matter how much time it takes to fix myself and this relationship, i really want to make it work. do you think it'd be possible if i try hard enough? i'm still friends with her and on talking terms.",2.59,3.566999296296298,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,74.55555555555556,7.622222222222224,20.907407407407405,8.07648339933343,0.5112740740740738,198,4,48,3,4,64,42,54,0.067,0.805,0.127,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,13,11,5,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,6,9,3,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,30,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095973333843906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700413434575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191606633298426,0.0,0.13654303596987286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341156042272101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34890234254739483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212013731518007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946295071240982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742559897286546,0.0,0.0,0.28058890278815946,0.0,0.2231889348198503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871207498294614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650044079513126,0.2100608422886966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362735326007345,0.16746062347501214,0.0,0.0,0.1523935543273516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774374774451171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082984979855736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026374976545926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peelmyonions,2019/07/06,"Vent I've known you for as long as i can possibly remember, you have stuck with me from elementary school all the way through college. You were there at every breakup,every moment of abuse and sorrow, smiling to crying...you were there. You made your presence known when i was 10, i was just a kid. You started to hang around more at that age and you were way past your welcome. When i turned 11 you would never leave, making up excuses to validate your presence, and no matter what i said your did you wouldn't leave, i was confused and angry....all my life i haven't had an issue with this now it's taking me over.I met the love of my life when i was 12 and with her support i could keep you away and right when i thought that maybe you would leave me alone and let me live peacefully but you didn't have mercy, you came full force and i panicked. Fight or flight? I froze and you consumed me with all of your deceit and deception. I became you. You were my solitude, you the destroyer of worlds, reaper for the weak became my safe haven. Blinded by darkness, deafened by silence i lost myself in you. Thirteen years later, im still sitting in darkness and despair and clawing at the walls that surround me but not getting anywhere. Im confused, sad,depressed lost,empty,suicidal, regretful and i can't do this anymore with you....i can't control you,you don't give a shit about me,you are abusive and you live in the past. I can't change you but you always somehow manage to change me. The truth is i can't get rid of you,leave you,stop talking to you,ignore you or get you to leave me alone because you are me. Two broken pieces trying to fit together that are just turning to dust from friction. I am my own worst enemy and im losing. I can't stop the bully or stop the thoughts. That asshole part of me is constantly fucking me over. The intrusive negative thoughts are never ending. I never get a break from my own head. I just want to die so so bad.",2.560398839738941,4.493349137055837,3.4155141406816547,90.62524365482237,76.66497461928934,6.025699782451053,24.96272661348804,6.868970318607317,0.8988440319071791,1536,54,316,15,35,488,193,394,0.213,0.6829999999999999,0.105,-0.9957,0,2,0,0,2,1,55.0,0,28,0,3,16,19,4,2,14,0,34,8,2,3,6,61,58,29,2,6,10,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,9,22,0,5,6,0,0,2,15,14,0,1,20,3,68,5,41,33,9,43,0,5,1,2,38,16,2,6,21,217,77,3,0.0,0.2024311631102676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769506920919849,0.0,0.0,0.07108109310668044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471942015756348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760470564052195,0.0,0.0,0.08026033329204492,0.0,0.0713269588957825,0.05207476320273522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977043357735866,0.0,0.0,0.18073829848235864,0.0,0.0,0.09231492119377303,0.09581227729046164,0.06820553496755995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357709999765367,0.0,0.08865847368409993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566188624878208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394980974848806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897475799963227,0.17852577900874647,0.08194819321445429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767149664200438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768235078452437,0.08916232104687026,0.0,0.07593035922825497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522678378373449,0.0,0.08735364884383708,0.1206775109182463,0.0,0.0,0.15086505938757108,0.07559912799036338,0.0,0.09556959786785084,0.1865046623563777,0.0,0.07710010259554849,0.08083193948895072,0.0570223721579927,0.0,0.08582167901751153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765688591321426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925077961388689,0.16309714818171744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630473261539718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967707571095727,0.07295315021345652,0.08125948003577674,0.0,0.0,0.08645545103440708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876883365926297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046480747421916,0.0,0.06822113905370393,0.2142593340818988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344193924612068,0.09694016393482917,0.0,0.0,0.06422955594061402,0.06866200689483967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034555838794033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799849780186837,0.18583743818982168,0.08344857518324404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050386338938081185,0.13561401742625592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213680476706738,0.0,0.0,0.05501140216824004
bpd,julia_biv,2019/07/06,"i’m the one ending the relationship, but I still feel abandoned. I’ve decided to end things with my current partner. At first, we worked. But then finally, our two completely different personalities, interests, and beliefs, have come to stand in the way. We fight often, there’s not much we agree on, and none of our hobbies are the same. We aren’t enjoying each other’s company, I’ve lost attraction, and the chemistry is gone. It’s just not working anymore. 
 
Therefore, I purposed we breakup. He agreed. HE AGREED. He didn’t even try to resist. I guess him adding that yes, he felt the same, it just makes me so angry. How could he? I thought he loved me. He isn’t even willing to put up a fight! I feel so betrayed. But why does it matter, right? We are splitting up. But I cant help but to feel rejected and abandoned. Also, of course... now there is the crippling fear of being alone.  I am very confused. Sorry.",1.2844362564480498,3.907144694915253,2.544637681159422,90.52560795873251,87.92655367231637,5.564136575779908,24.079832964873496,7.079830092131019,1.1343684107098992,709,29,141,11,23,227,113,177,0.24100000000000002,0.631,0.129,-0.9784,3,2,0,0,2,0,40.0,8,0,0,4,13,12,2,2,8,1,13,1,0,3,0,41,25,14,0,1,9,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,13,0,2,7,0,0,3,7,8,0,3,5,4,19,4,14,17,5,19,1,4,0,1,23,6,0,3,8,93,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732932384626406,0.0,0.13380588217386746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593665168768548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413151379712533,0.17543201835400896,0.0,0.0,0.13359154345054652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481396886326175,0.0,0.0,0.14642301124603754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29639202065234044,0.0,0.0,0.2210267929220957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828171279167466,0.2538063211576415,0.0,0.1606536057194665,0.18329107135533565,0.0,0.14232245397275406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843220347840135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215118523609584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264973448827776,0.0,0.1510129890606925,0.0,0.11168751497104837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299957951537267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338047973952795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609752152598446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820298835493974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796392483470105,0.0,0.14289051381578635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873012353567504,0.0,0.0,0.13362210657057924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116008837907844,0.0,0.0,0.13283352779217988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359941451745663,0.0,0.1634474967871858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805666619676388,0.0,0.13281096548923507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098043145683085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362215793940595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ureyey67,2019/07/06,"Dissociation I want to jump off a bridge. But do I really feel like that, am I about to request an uber shortly to go to said bridge? I dont know, I don't know what myself is going to do, I dont even know who myself is.",0.551400000000001,1.4709159400000011,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,79.6,6.6000000000000005,18.5,7.1686216300943375,-0.04499999999999993,167,3,43,2,4,61,31,50,0.0,0.903,0.09699999999999999,0.4728,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,16,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,7,15,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6601176661139404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600864479115786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239652189920166,0.20119078043986224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32010449324573725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643161831384372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758626160837534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804142352822945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678869693408443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610792523358928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,h0nesth0rse,2019/07/06,"DAE not recognize themselves? I feel like I'm just existing, not living. From the outside, my life is successful and I'm doing ""well,"" but on the inside I am so numb and live at 70%, constantly regretting things I have and have not done. When I look in the mirror I don't see the person I used to be.",3.868548387096773,4.197526016129036,5.490483870967744,83.30572580645162,71.09677419354837,9.425806451612903,26.79032258064516,9.516144504307137,2.1043419354838715,231,7,50,5,4,79,46,62,0.127,0.805,0.068,-0.6782,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,0,11,14,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,7,3,5,12,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267809596220215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30945449893061755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289971366562288,0.21603064675409467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359013425297455,0.147734647754497,0.0,0.5340396573227989,0.0,0.2539351677297045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26403915915126897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409692157516305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089742769231314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611717035378987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718889156545985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nowissnotthetime,2019/07/06,"DAE wonder if you were conditioned to have BPD? like being raised by parents with BPD or being in an environment that encourages self hatred/doubt as a moral code. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. 
My extremely physical (I’m talking about every single day) and emotional (every second I am with her) abusive mother has all the BPD symptoms I can think of. 

long story short, I was heavily bullied for  almost all of my childhood, my mom would also compulsively isolate me, telling me the world is a dangerous place and even my friends couldn’t be trusted. 

So I was forced to be trapped with my mom, I learned most things by observing her. 

I began to get used to her constant intense emotions(usually manifest as hateful behaviours towards me) accompanied by severe physical abuse, and how easily she could get extremely irritated out of nowhere, and blamed everything on me. I began used to her every single day complains about her problems, this became my “normal”, it’s all that I’ve ever known. 

Children develop by mimicking their parents personality and behaviours. And since THIS is all I had ever known, in a way I was conditioned to have all of these (now recognized) bpd symptoms.

Another huge thing is she was obsessed with training me to be a full time people pleaser. Since I was around 5 yo, she’d act extremely friendly, cheerful outside when we were chatting with her colleagues. When we got home she’d put on an ENTIRELY different face, started to slap me and kick me out of no where literally as soon as the front door closes. The reason was she thought I was not trying my hardest to please her colleague(I was never naughty or mean, I was always sensitive and considerate, what she was expecting was for me to completely strip my own personality to accommodate this other person’s needs, so I was trained to mirroring since I was very young).

I also observed her constant changes in her personalities when it comes to interacting with different people. I was very aware since childhood that she does not have a strong sense of self(I used to call it an ‘undeveloped personality’ sine I don’t know what it was at the time).

When we were on our own outside outside of the house, exposed to the outside world, she is often EXTREMELY anxious and uptight, she exhibits explosive angers and intense abusive emotions. Thinking back now I know she feels very unsafe, and that she has no control over any outside situation. She also has this deep belief that she is extremely inferior compares to other people, and she projected this same feeling into me and her family. 

Consequently, I was conditioned to feel the same way, because in my book that’s the only correct and known way to feel.",8.88376243879324,8.771039913757699,8.748675564681722,65.70047662296639,60.54004106776181,11.845490443847735,40.90736060653925,11.285456440507946,4.915696319696732,2166,108,346,53,26,703,242,487,0.126,0.794,0.08,-0.9804,4,1,0,0,1,0,55.0,4,1,1,2,22,15,3,2,17,0,45,4,1,6,9,80,69,31,0,8,5,5,4,1,2,1,3,0,2,7,22,30,0,2,18,2,0,4,7,8,0,1,25,4,68,7,58,34,13,55,2,1,0,0,51,23,0,7,26,263,90,3,0.0,0.2468219828448392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953324133244669,0.0,0.0,0.16659130102770306,0.057778904768770824,0.0,0.0,0.047220978091523966,0.07281296461609088,0.0,0.07844643276998038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618155326253637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339439177006594,0.0,0.04232943884854733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43728066072803257,0.0,0.07090509825570761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345737438511915,0.059815647395220536,0.07280558897387053,0.15007802517573554,0.07788186989381514,0.05544148151575543,0.0,0.0,0.08956496681821548,0.0,0.0,0.07047923813685254,0.0,0.1450981877010228,0.0,0.0,0.06076663583487649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621931202599404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586387932112383,0.12562330656597126,0.17551634306870734,0.0,0.0624073974140778,0.0,0.0654610159284939,0.0,0.14044200802527873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729697309358227,0.0,0.07255814122495216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553680214726663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855674818385622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965309218045376,0.0,0.0,0.08012341346885098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632384116417662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03392444316626226,0.0,0.0,0.061451429991399485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756395509632826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265250008888238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148822252006105,0.053555724825125016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803558753972952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281157457546037,0.0,0.0,0.15420783511367048,0.0,0.0,0.14442101351694378,0.3031577759328378,0.0725490938505114,0.07622329403350261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644385330056309,0.0,0.06980548789921978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139497335724426,0.06856274701082335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488027818793295,0.07844643276998038,0.0,0.22976300775363465,0.07805247253377505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491493616688153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434765259035176,0.0,0.05581252882050535,0.0606928455213195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922645225285509,0.08898755971999492,0.0,0.05512689939456343,0.08098101055183897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471445997066549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799192961429925,0.0,0.1718836217333199,0.0,0.16535260761442164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530375610641979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932755365629316,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kellraiser,2019/07/06,"Gaby Gaby is my Actual Spirit Animal ...or whatever the non-appropriation term for that is. 

Gaby Gaby, from Toy Story 4, is just me in a nutshell. I was born kinda defective (not really - just with a weird mom who screamed at me for being anything besides what she imagined I'd be and a very old dad and a tendency to pork up quick).  

The long and short of it - which I forever thought had to be a very long story - is that a boy broke up with me, I spent a lot of years and time and effort becoming what he had me believing I needed to be, and then he still left my ass. After he married it, and at a very inopportune time. 

My favorite person is a very good favorite person, you guys. He's an absolutely upstanding member of society. He works with a lot of people who come to know his name, but he's not super nice to them. He's a giant dick one-on-one, but he's gonna be a dick to whomever ends up his forever wife and I felt like I was ready to handle it.

You can fix all your flaws, and your favorite person still might not like you. You can literally, like, do a crash course with your own favorite person's dickish moves popping up at you and feel reallly ready for them. You can even go along for a while feeling like you worked it out and cracked the code.  You can try and try and do everything to not even look like you're trying, and they will still put you in the trash. 

He took me back. He married me. We bought a house. We had a kid. He ghosted me out of 7 years of marriage. It's been 5 years now and I'm still...not fucking pining  but I don't know what to do, because I no longer know what he wants.

For the last 5 months, I've lived like a lost Forky. I'm trash, dammit, let me be. I've gained a SOLID 25 pounds. My underwear rolls down my belly when I sit down. I've literally never gained enough weight to actually need new underwear. Those fuckers stretch. And I'm not fat hating, either - but I'm ignoring my natural body chemistry and punishing myself with food. I don't enjoy eating it, I don't feel good. 

So, is this bpd, cause I'm not diagnosed. LOL. I mean, I really am not, but it's because I've been avoiding it. I know who I am.",1.5696666666666663,3.2593325777777795,3.6130555555555546,89.19625000000002,78.7777777777778,6.9,22.13888888888889,7.822599999999999,0.8906222222222221,1660,49,370,27,40,565,215,450,0.124,0.74,0.136,0.5319,0,1,0,0,0,0,68.0,2,12,3,7,12,22,4,1,24,1,34,11,5,1,2,68,62,27,1,3,16,3,5,6,0,3,2,1,0,7,20,28,4,2,11,1,2,5,12,11,0,0,13,7,50,11,42,39,7,48,1,2,1,5,47,17,5,5,31,222,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.17826689484467378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516401137874887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023386326331249,0.0,0.11135851244093872,0.10087647687028,0.0,0.10290749680404514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145676403998187,0.11503796228457595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093830060030447,0.0,0.07868024826003643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270691190795126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346234734455204,0.0,0.0,0.08089902462290348,0.0943773485203341,0.0,0.12065677020299916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208938188629786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855085423412833,0.0652524235896386,0.08769952697277322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044718301853924,0.0,0.0,0.0844412055892003,0.0,0.0,0.05190991838828557,0.1532212254176835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043972600007433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017810893805712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053926579029965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007895603395856,0.07445327473971064,0.0,0.0,0.09923982268631414,0.09340006361302937,0.0,0.26774100690766284,0.0,0.08065379254490478,0.16166384476995205,0.07670154849772741,0.0,0.09970703890889164,0.15530588345848198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994946791889823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968959830807386,0.0,0.1069748439112558,0.07290572144115827,0.09707863969771116,0.0,0.13545305640778196,0.07044607738081134,0.0882155370802957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584465672947234,0.0,0.06189350308430613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332279089895329,0.319013905037324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182067497379348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702788842016447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291772985408328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251276746219543,0.10652072312229843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148071567653644,0.1860390535204357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014561488781368,0.05387396318678751,0.0,0.0,0.11122599468492544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299140044625388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645748735033154
bpd,kithesmuah,2019/07/06,"Does this person dislike me? Hello all. So I have this person who I’m attending college with, we’ve only met up once irl tho and hope to friends and get to know each other better at college. They have BPD and recently they just haven’t been talking to me at all. They used to. I’ll reach out to them and they give dry responses. I’m worried I did something to upset them. I know this isn’t really much to go off of, plus everyone is different. But I was just wondering if any of you or your loved ones experience not talking to someone randomly is something you/they do when you/they are upset with someone? I’m really sorry if this is offensive or a stupid question, but I really want to try and understand. We’re acquaintances I guess to say the least. I find it’d be best to ask those who actually have witnessed or have BPD themselves. Any thoughts, opinions, advice, etc, is helpful. 
Thanks for your time.",1.6695476190476164,4.234084827777779,3.28952380952381,86.74500000000003,84.05555555555556,6.761904761904763,24.682539682539684,7.957251820313856,1.7169206349206352,719,29,140,15,21,237,110,180,0.068,0.794,0.13699999999999998,0.9388,1,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,6,2,5,10,2,2,2,0,17,1,0,1,2,35,36,16,0,4,10,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,9,10,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,1,18,6,22,29,7,10,0,0,0,1,24,5,0,11,3,93,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.13340114950692653,0.0,0.0,0.13358332889153654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592370101065306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779764548103542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346001082580642,0.12090155355350385,0.0,0.0,0.3443420365641804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282419148024228,0.0,0.0,0.11962858764264735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524585421215657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062434213362936,0.0,0.13372050338724098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494288638501745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561540204723158,0.0,0.07142100132302326,0.1311367366323529,0.07769073208844235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059234545845449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162827466851554,0.0,0.0,0.13577564291625446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025536952124338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233786304713364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049148595461443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455828596950067,0.09263261656799572,0.10396781047438923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387253206926211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313720086255167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627238476311753,0.0,0.13497644681355608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871068660149492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165383054820474,0.21047931000751294,0.0,0.15302637241765848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975131266784814,0.0,0.12585656811937926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852588801542527,0.07971186643041606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281148775802646,0.0,0.0,0.14231130116078075,0.0,0.11806638621963544,0.0,0.0,0.0806302103806014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824717319676006,0.0,0.13882722216980828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Trash-nebulaa,2019/07/06,"I've been spitting today Why would bad things happen to me if I wasn't a bad person? In 2014-15 I almost had my shit together I liked myself, I almost loved myself,  I left my abusive girlfriend, things were going good.

And then a bunch of horrible things happened, I was living with an abusive roommate, was with a new manipulative partner, I was working at a job I hated and then it turned out they were paying me too much the whole time and they cut my pay by $4 and I was living in poverty (I still am)  I disassociated everyday and felt like I was in hell.  I hated myself, I felt like a failure, I felt like it was all my fault. All of that brought back up my childhood trauma of my dad abusing me.

Why would bad things happen to me if I'm a good person? Why would my dad beat me if I didn't deserve it? I feel like I'm just pure evil and I caused everybody to hurt me.

And now that I'm finally with a partner who's not abusive I can't believe anything nice say say about me, I just hate myself so much and I cause them so much trouble.

I've been doing DBT but I'm just not getting better fast enough, I'm ruining everybody's lives around me by existing. I don't know what to do, I just want to be good so badly but I feel like I'm pure evil just because of everything my dad said.",1.274160583941608,3.0018554963503665,3.4128671532846724,90.1149795620438,79.80291970802921,5.989839416058395,22.638832116788322,6.918507183188421,0.5996652846715329,1002,32,222,11,25,342,132,274,0.243,0.674,0.084,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,3,14,29,8,0,9,0,22,3,2,3,4,44,47,18,0,7,12,3,5,6,3,3,0,3,0,4,11,13,0,0,6,0,2,2,6,17,0,0,18,8,47,12,22,25,8,22,1,2,0,1,16,8,2,5,18,148,58,4,0.0,0.39913345900902203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866230557698175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930340900821033,0.0749709782923485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647576687656699,0.28127068369567665,0.05133789690488917,0.0,0.0,0.0948837111032398,0.0,0.07448308597349723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302809970553326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701866579015995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568880244336912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516528360929135,0.12032927242327256,0.2425845591314093,0.09225559870117936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043999902610861306,0.0,0.047862457573190464,0.2119116527792811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234184247962634,0.0,0.0,0.24944053354853604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015603220203418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357237008095915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628345656897486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915020086790687,0.0,0.0,0.2468650111885591,0.0,0.22309544169897336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600912370925088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857275386783924,0.0,0.0,0.08133729606777194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470700587592564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010964528788272,0.1339454651886464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864475324876214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725579893350724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238001104856189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910760553475569,0.0,0.07982786157895844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160390423394824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967336411588613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279782096293612,0.0940252644738645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131097350072559,0.0,0.0,0.1794760053331588,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Peanut-superior-nut,2019/07/06,"Unpopular opinion: If you are not diagnosed with BPD, you should not be participating in this subreddit. in its current state, if you actually have BPD, avoid this sub like the plague. This subreddit has turned into an emotional validation circlejerk for people with PTSD. 

There is almost nothing of legitimate value in this sub if you are actually interested in getting better and seeking help. 

I am diagnosed by a professional and have been living with BPD for my entire life (and guess what, I was born to an amazing family with no trauma whatsoever)

[BPD summary](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/8kwha2/an_easy_to_understand_summary_of_borderline/)

I have found the above summary to be the best description of BPD, yet the comments to that post are all against it. This community does not have a legitimate understanding of BPD and is filled with people who are incorrectly self diagnosing themselves. 

I will not be responding to any comments because I don’t want to get angry and I am making this post on an alt just to criticize what this sub stands for.",10.46480446927374,11.190018748603354,9.84910055865922,56.33130446927376,57.04469273743018,13.416983240223464,39.1290502793296,12.688352899677879,5.523243128491619,872,38,130,28,10,280,108,179,0.08,0.805,0.115,0.7625,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,4,0,2,3,7,0,1,9,0,21,4,0,1,1,29,29,8,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,13,11,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,11,5,25,21,2,14,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,6,4,97,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.18203865434379551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339772667226484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342767747447356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056857314343580614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788246735280257,0.08249087882039359,0.0,0.0,0.8223034966580913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28400519636800864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162233682396271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491765036361528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792787386606815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226715826809132,0.0,0.0,0.09746080165564487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027488444554582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251778145147914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658802724245438,0.045567642319484784,0.0,0.08236026030178413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062259312169725564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949632092803778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932514087467326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865623176314135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902914993795687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730230004453984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145238297895356,0.0,0.09709870513476362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055013825035966815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tufftitzzies,2019/07/06,"Should I switch therapists? I’ve gone through more therapists than I can count and only a few I have made a meaningful connection with. Currently, I’ve been seeing the same therapist for a little less than a year. I’m much better than I was when we started - but I’m not sure if any of that could be attributed to her. 

I like how she is real with me, but none of what she says sticks with me. All of it goes in one ear and out the other. This is totally my fault, too, but I was thinking of possibly trying a different type of therapy like EDMR or DBT or literally anything other than CBT which has never worked for me.

On Wednesday, we had an appointment at 12, and she texted me at 9:30am: “Hi Ashley, I need to cancel
Today, my car is in the shop! I’m sorry about the late notice” And normally, that’s totally fine, but she’s cancelled before and used that same excuse. She also didn’t ask to reschedule or talk on the phone. It just makes me a bit upset. 

The only thing I’m worried about with switching therapists is how much the process sucks. Starting over and telling my story all over again is a pain. and what if they are worse than her? she isnt necessarily bad. im just not sure",2.7705186721991737,4.433701518672201,4.141035269709544,86.83578526970959,75.30705394190872,7.641576763485477,24.08319502074689,8.395991825355821,1.4195525311203316,930,29,195,17,20,307,144,241,0.136,0.792,0.07200000000000001,-0.9520000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,1,2,10,11,1,1,15,0,18,2,1,6,7,49,33,20,0,6,13,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,12,14,0,0,2,1,1,2,6,5,0,1,7,3,26,6,31,23,13,22,0,0,1,0,18,10,1,5,12,142,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005020887287848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507890914039284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295465082980493,0.0,0.11696071247650296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446140183781667,0.0,0.0,0.10645916864746424,0.0,0.0,0.11064939256046237,0.13658742610972774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988994212160117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071304351134186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513998137986816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112922905783234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224459273955285,0.12539282071622604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838185509384785,0.08351171876604173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394009922222498,0.09276728231029377,0.09649233943255747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258097575587686,0.0,0.14243826108743024,0.0,0.0,0.08477759344919437,0.19030318034319502,0.1331255775939833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104242671161105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240226700528247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949228180895946,0.0,0.0,0.09969625978084364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005010403982765,0.17710662695824267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358288868786217,0.0,0.0,0.10055846490963873,0.10935142172557212,0.0,0.14307388395582174,0.5810481748271501,0.08311734790704517,0.08016526567247975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858939889057996,0.0,0.0,0.08494129679246623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080546405983962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108137621418907,0.12705500758638072,0.12749750710706045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805665666463463
bpd,Smewsicle,2019/07/06,"Red flags with problematic people I'm at the tail end of a bpd crisis in which I was worried for my wellbeing for the obvious bpd reasons and sought help. So the good thing is Ive got a referral to a psychologist.

Also a good thing that I didn't end my life because now I can see more clearly the situation that triggered me. 😊

I was raised by a probably narcissistic mother and went straight from that home into another abusive situation. So I think this is why I have trouble seeing when people are toxic/abusive and I should create distance from them.

I was going to share the situation that triggered me but now I'm worried that it might be recognized. But needless to say I've been in a lot of situations  where people treated me badly that a lot of ""normal"" people wouldn't have let get to that point. Like I can only see all the red flags in retrospect and I can see at the time I felt uneasy or was having anxiety but couldn't identify why.

This will be something to bring up with the new therapist as something to work on. 😊

Do you have trouble seeing red flags?",4.532112676056336,5.662593666666673,5.902929577464789,78.03326760563381,70.07981220657277,8.872488262910796,30.16244131455399,9.21078282632365,2.626892582159625,853,34,162,17,15,288,120,213,0.127,0.7979999999999999,0.076,-0.9123,0,0,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,1,7,8,0,0,15,0,26,1,0,3,3,26,40,13,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,13,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,9,10,19,5,25,23,4,21,0,0,8,0,6,11,0,4,8,116,32,1,0.0,0.24220481602369784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173748333009744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717633714619347,0.07819054554415454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534127202278871,0.06230640701365597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25746041117156193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105585086136086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813784869600846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053400626163407634,0.0,0.058088428666134964,0.17145818177247274,0.08174685733976436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685093621054305,0.0,0.10252519355814672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045168842689277,0.07219410756986634,0.049934755128494115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379096351546114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842890098803712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871527623302782,0.0,0.0,0.10014432328835576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773548504396494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28343881372038604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662170381996954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019991429566656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050891386640304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812816766446318,0.0,0.0,0.40724159717965225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595543200571852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573728558916178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186739539051382,0.13580786917948495,0.06549218777626553,0.0,0.0,0.05959960657490744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474990642991414,0.18445766806182765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441026414496306,0.20759889822503697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veemonster,2018/11/17,"Any success with meds? Hey guys, 

I know there’s probably past posts about this but in my experience medication trends change every so often and I wanted most up to date anecdotes.  I spent a year in DBT and perhaps it was my fault for not applying myself, but I was unable to focus and take any of it in, and I didn’t really experience any benefit from it. 

I’m about to hit meds again. My life is feeling so incredibly out of control and I’m more depressed and dysfunctional than ever, at 37yo. I’m terrified. I’ve tried 10-15 different meds over the span of last 20 years, and I generally suffer side effects really harshly to the point they effect my quality of life more than the BPD and I end up quitting a year in. I don’t know where to turn. I’m trying to salvage my relationship, but I know my libido will be destroyed by meds. I’m already unhappy with my shape, and I’m scared of more weight gain. My partner is worried about the meds making me ‘dead inside’, but I’m worried if I don’t do something, I’ll be dead for real before the end of the year.

Has anyone tried any atypical meds that were a little milder on the side effects than the standard antidepressants? Are mood stabilisers a viable option? I’ve tried supplements and eating well and all that junk but nothing fills the void, I feel so desperately sad all the time and I’m becoming more and more reclusive and unable to participate in normal life. I just want a day where I don’t immediately regret each morning I wake up. 

Apologies for the downer post just when everyone was celebrating the sub getting healthier. I wish all of you the best.
",4.539033054450695,5.8686636466877005,5.828750514332743,77.8216774105061,70.26182965299685,8.919983541352352,28.924564531614323,9.318704503766252,2.534814949938281,1284,48,243,27,23,431,172,317,0.161,0.747,0.09300000000000001,-0.9807,1,0,1,0,1,1,28.0,0,1,1,8,16,12,1,1,18,0,16,7,1,5,4,52,38,24,2,6,9,0,3,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,6,18,2,1,8,0,1,1,5,7,1,0,6,3,27,4,39,28,11,37,0,4,0,0,7,20,0,4,14,151,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814988366597538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419348711295577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062190425278499065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982296263071569,0.07568322604131705,0.0,0.09333930812133986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201953514774188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408901045491833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975619373855836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736033427476159,0.0,0.07660575084585654,0.0,0.0,0.092925625329435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101003264865076,0.0,0.0,0.1575527061187944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045327445886429,0.07493760463685564,0.08498804404359428,0.0,0.17400499548208784,0.0,0.0,0.08994365556902513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646860689923426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806672044794918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664085293069976,0.07249973018417886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884674307847709,0.0,0.08914340882794902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059369581490901324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.592768125563889,0.0895998675669718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714443118768625,0.08534239992867587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490535436757374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407908849243155,0.0,0.1703640040481663,0.0,0.09589469011214796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460093374310047,0.0,0.10123564836623856,0.1139572485447816,0.0,0.0,0.0954905926277141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904661681095348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847201898587976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687343425445674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051862887914527436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415435494024946,0.09674352813753008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492077906980883,0.0,0.0,0.10830758797803483,0.07996968207590299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022790929231064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065015876056906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291033361366945
bpd,Smokingrabbits,2018/11/17,"Let’s chat! If you’re feeling lonely or sad or just chatty message me. I’m 37 yo guy from Canada, bpd and bipolar, love movies, good company and my dog. ",1.2714583333333316,3.107339062500003,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,80.25,5.5166666666666675,23.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.5797166666666662,118,4,25,1,3,40,30,32,0.145,0.624,0.231,0.5093,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5426887380486604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178700745002224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614086681164239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266471675761557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44061248694958455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888935195989751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sm0lkitt3n,2018/11/17,Idk why I keep telling myself it'll get better when it obviously doesn't I'm just tired of waiting for happines. I'm tired of being alive. And I'm tired of going through the same cycle of emotions every single day. Only reason I'm alive is because of too much of a pussy to actually off myself. I feel like I have nothing to live for,2.301333333333332,4.00657722857143,4.300000000000002,85.01333333333334,76.71428571428572,5.80952380952381,24.523809523809533,6.42735559955562,0.8202380952380954,266,9,53,2,6,91,49,70,0.02,0.73,0.25,0.9373,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,1,8,14,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,12,12,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.1982416142645116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238361799459254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966651136157885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101264332177656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285123942263597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171159631334235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102716940330892,0.14512785223922514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613562661938528,0.0,0.11545279931643175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056588355748976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924708578192612,0.0,0.1793820220472042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933600249410053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492448123684672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545020163332217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088683669900733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755893637759168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7004608216401732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330805826681484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FoxyRoxyMoxy,2018/11/17,"BPD ""Kit"" Hi everyone. So I JUST had this idea. Let me know what you think. My boyfriend has BPD but he, so far, has refused to see a therapist. So I was thinking for Christmas maybe I could make him a kit to help him. I never did DBT or CBT or anything, is there something you can suggest? So far I thought of

\- A very small book with just techniques (he won't read a book full of text)

\- Some balls and things he can use to ground himself 

\- I can put chocolates in there but I really want a kit always ready to be used.... 

​

Not many ideas yet... I appreciate your help!",0.14256410256410135,2.46796000854701,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,89.94017094017093,4.487521367521367,20.620512820512825,6.079149491110277,-0.0693015384615383,439,15,101,4,15,138,82,117,0.027000000000000003,0.838,0.135,0.9167,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,0,13,0,0,3,1,23,22,9,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,16,0,9,14,2,9,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,3,2,64,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784868165842845,0.17950073254862955,0.20130421918306504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633028647170753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41730498587550974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227206653920107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830245355162162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208694731475453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740370212803915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104655865055146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940630489606995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058438304006354,0.16796090375968262,0.1664353317206501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777303571173435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654165595454115,0.0,0.0,0.16571239245963926,0.0,0.1061308813941964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201559663922902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275389818306445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235280652594844,0.11006216581384057,0.2123061667661122,0.0,0.13152153776311626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861671617288834,0.0,0.13669308749410902,0.09771501946072987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130421918306504,0.0
bpd,goodmorningmydream,2018/11/17,"Lonely Hi guys. Im so.... sorry for writing this I guess? And as usual I'm sorry for my poor english.   


And I'm sorry for not replying to my previous posts. I'm way too shy.   


I'm drunk. And I'm so depressed. I think about killing myself all the time. I have the perfect life. The perfect boyfriend, I've got money, the home I love, I've got friends that makes me laugh and a loving family. My best friend is like a sister, no, like a twin. Often I feel what she feels before she does.   


But, every day I think about self harming, or killing myself. I've got all the pills I need for killing myself so if I want to, I can do it. I havent self harmed for 4-5 years and I want to start doing it again, I want to punish myself for being such a terrible human being. I often write my suicide note in my head before I go to sleep, just to get calm. I've gotten myself an eating disorder again because I hate myself so much and I drink way too much. I try to hurt myself in every way possible and I know I will be dead before I turn 30.  


I dont know why I write this. I just feel so alone. I dont want to feel like this. Is there anyone out there who feel like me?",-0.4053542857142851,1.558976756,2.0521428571428584,96.2525,87.44,4.531428571428573,16.12857142857143,5.773587663045528,-0.6783828571428572,879,18,206,6,28,300,125,250,0.22899999999999998,0.593,0.17800000000000002,-0.9473,0,3,1,0,0,7,37.0,0,0,0,3,18,24,5,0,10,0,13,9,2,1,4,39,45,16,5,6,6,1,5,4,2,1,2,0,1,4,8,8,3,0,9,2,2,1,5,11,0,0,4,5,40,13,20,37,5,15,0,3,0,2,16,3,0,5,11,124,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896955184286106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681656624254312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582514362116051,0.0,0.24393915608038136,0.0,0.10028251191713294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162718067292373,0.0,0.08230420041397506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951805950809763,0.0,0.08362368855855082,0.0,0.22398716828349144,0.0936107280140389,0.0,0.09777996931156133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102393260227646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008383520861132,0.0,0.24158566988052005,0.1365336984866939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765616917866636,0.0,0.04992525356077317,0.0,0.054307968622490224,0.0,0.22928004072435684,0.0,0.10526821091909376,0.09461771380759948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434401098478122,0.0980703565436362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585273905018928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229710750788587,0.0,0.10321933259905183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31716321243772755,0.0,0.10503265542704662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749563413339027,0.1867397811895696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724901442477189,0.0,0.06378588917368806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049265129431054,0.07085524853063803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772759478485416,0.09151841067860207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937623821048134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562728392805664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32090898907521115,0.06763663738458363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045252408022122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245976558306244,0.0,0.0,0.055720797379217486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487779467995736,0.1039399606513612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524393721304404,0.0,0.2254509807110394,0.22754912743674616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862264781412445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153639473766965
bpd,lilmilkers,2018/11/17,"Snippets from childhood or experiences you connect to the formation of your BPD characteristics I was raised by two workaholics so I spent a lot time with my various nannies. My dad was raised in an extremely violent environment and used shame to punish me. I spent a lot of nights cleaning up shards of broken glass from vases he had thrown at the wall and dry wall from hikes he had punched. He never hit me but he yelled at my mom loudly enough cops were called. When I was 15 I was going to prom with my girlfriends, he saw me try on two inch high heels and dragged me out of the store screaming that I looked like a slut in front of everyone there. My mom, my brother and his friend and my best friend. He said that no one would allow their children to be around me because I had a reputation as a whore (I had kissed one boy at this time. I was a virgin) he Forced me into his car and stared to drive. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and jumped out. Just to name a few. I want hear your stories. ",2.9781071636575436,4.762850613861389,3.6480780430984265,90.07144146767618,75.03960396039605,6.733139196272568,24.25859056493885,7.510576382923642,0.9228680256260916,792,25,170,10,17,250,126,202,0.141,0.748,0.111,-0.6904,0,0,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,3,1,1,5,11,2,1,11,0,13,5,1,2,1,25,24,12,0,3,3,4,0,1,3,1,0,5,1,2,4,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,6,0,4,14,8,30,5,29,6,6,26,0,0,3,4,26,15,0,3,7,112,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703022201648945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993205443852772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266901311449124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674940225976873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121226981138707,0.0,0.17197857237716166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402583817890327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093526174850498,0.0,0.16474987634197658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602461699788932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571859348616378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898248054901028,0.0,0.0,0.1779480002117049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228290275240263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143278526267247,0.0,0.0,0.2863741879456832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945096396028257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989809371440658,0.0,0.0,0.1580534462226259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22825537951522815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020870971587434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266330313501739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641744990098867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434806737878835,0.0,0.32904932573650497,0.0,0.0,0.14546327628979708,0.0,0.0,0.0993401673875176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964276850831755,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rex_tenebrae,2018/11/17,"I was just diagnosed with BPD- any tips? I recently was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (and generalized anxiety disorder) and I'm working on setting up dialectical behavior therapy and psychiatry, so I already have those things checked off. I've also started doing some research but I really feel like there's more to understand about this disorder and myself.

This is a bit of an aside, but it also turns out that I have a lot of overlap with narcissistic personality disorder (that office does not screen for antisocial personality disorder typically so I didn't get feedback on that), but my empathy did not display significant enough impairment and my rapid oscillation between mood, devaluation and love of self and others, and basically every classic borderline symptom (to my knowledge) fit me to a T.


Any tips for someone in my situation who was just diagnosed with it, for methods of coping, educating myself, etc. Or any tips you'd recommend at all, as someone else with borderline. Anything you think I will need to know.",10.890166666666666,10.583792572222228,11.483333333333334,48.35500000000005,56.611111111111114,15.777777777777779,48.33333333333333,14.394787580732329,7.726333333333333,853,51,120,35,9,294,116,180,0.084,0.83,0.086,0.4989,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,1,8,3,0,0,4,0,11,5,0,0,1,32,21,17,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,4,11,14,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,2,16,2,26,14,7,12,0,0,1,1,8,9,0,3,3,94,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167996837337347,0.17635746994703355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495157177908573,0.0,0.08435228382464656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073854989495474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203806227226118,0.0,0.13887467804205245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33574940709504875,0.0,0.0,0.6318651705908501,0.0,0.0964934851362628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921121064166862,0.0,0.0,0.11393303245237753,0.1229744190581672,0.0,0.0,0.09290286469641476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055753204977147315,0.07877320788295719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760881629871629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605986602000684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053869820296040316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374320500383644,0.09951830310896498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175996525350844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28883695742585513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063846578787428,0.0,0.10887320515105947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503025285004527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394227514506755,0.0,0.0,0.18685404463299632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804600558329187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460736536024699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609742885196568,0.0,0.07325504539534962,0.07065324296120863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993645844925252,0.0,0.1147895640488574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027410062100641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EizrNnQMmKsAzPrBNee,2018/11/17,Books on BPD? Even though I struggle with it myself I am fascinated by BPD more than I'd like to admit. Are there any books on the topic that you've read and would recommend? :),2.625,4.273018166666667,3.84,88.90500000000002,75.66666666666666,7.022222222222222,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.5622333333333334,138,3,30,2,3,45,31,36,0.054000000000000006,0.63,0.316,0.8813,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,20,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046130371380427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.757911654433545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873259771618929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699787319127552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009677760396892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145517444574625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956193130776494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137410315525756,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bostonhound,2018/11/17,"My ex had BPD & PTSD, miss her and not sure what to do, looking for advice I have dated this girl for about 5 years and we lived together. There was one point we broke up and got back together 6 months later. She is an nice, loving, caring person and I love her very much. She has BPD, epilepsy, and recently diagnosed with PTSD due to a rape which happened 4 years before I knew her. I didn’t know about the rape until rather recently before she cut things off with me. She has tried to kill herself several times over the years and it has definitely taken a toll on me. I’ve never left her side through any of this. She was in treatment seeing a DBT therapist 1-2 times per week. She was hospitalized back in June for a few months and I supported her the whole time, at hospital nearly every day (even while dealing with the death of a family member at same time). About a week before she got transferred to a new facility across the country she said she was not in love with me and not sexually attracted to me. I couldn’t believe this was happening and that was it. She left and we stopped contact pretty much immediately. 

We have texted rather recently. Still in treatment and she texted me to say she was sorry for saying those things to me and didn’t mean it. That she loved me and the sexual attraction comment was in relation to the PTSD. I can totally understand all of that. I know these intense relationships are a part of BPD and she has these other things on top of it. Sometimes we would have sex often and other times it was non existent for weeks. It makes sense now knowing what she had on her mind and never revealed to anyone until recently in treatment. 

I do love and care about her greatly. At the end of the day I just want her to get the help she needs and deserves so she can live a happy and fulfilling life. With or without me. She has been struggling for so long and this is the time for her to get the appropriate help. 

While I say all this, our relationship was not negative and all bad. We had travelled a bunch and had a nice life with its share of ups and downs. Sometimes the downs lasted long but again I stood by her. Often times I felt helpless because I know there is nothing I can do to make it go away and help her. 

I guess I’m just wondering what to do from here. She has told me she didn’t mean those things and I do believe her. We have a long history. But at same time not sure if I should contact her? I want her to get the help. She needs to help herself before she can be a better partner and there for anyone in a relationship. I do love and think about her often though. I just don’t want to put my life on hold if there is no hope there but I also can’t help but think of her and see that she is really working on herself now. And wanting to be there for her. 

Any advice would be appreciated. ",3.4075704783021865,4.794992362369342,4.360793474817863,87.0332364586633,73.1114982578397,7.65720620842572,24.71792841305037,8.224198915089428,1.3110780487804878,2232,67,472,35,44,723,237,574,0.059000000000000004,0.8109999999999999,0.13,0.9897,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,8,0,0,3,31,29,4,1,29,0,53,13,0,2,8,103,101,44,2,15,18,1,1,0,1,3,4,4,0,3,31,42,0,2,13,1,0,3,16,9,0,1,26,8,84,20,76,68,12,78,0,3,3,9,80,30,0,9,45,359,115,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157851859863954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737743965055584,0.0,0.06419089565940213,0.0,0.08057596138465947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284962448513575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566172843775198,0.09111002404658924,0.04946630114157837,0.03611461862865428,0.0,0.20164926768926886,0.1334954973676989,0.0,0.052396541471139715,0.0,0.0,0.22384739404246767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080650015672563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764150129818915,0.06107800676529344,0.0,0.06013145639982625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247263738792887,0.0,0.0,0.03913013154838582,0.0,0.0499156612627758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055850010999684015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688357182779166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285770152017192,0.0,0.03366975482241272,0.0,0.09476574620229787,0.06531676637500362,0.06526399241477271,0.0,0.10477862284438208,0.0630663852359443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23826019860728506,0.0,0.0,0.0588427021467832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554475566129435,0.0,0.13023590630532622,0.04829180210727325,0.0,0.0,0.12873765177107088,0.0,0.12553745852574938,0.0,0.0,0.10462715044828527,0.15728734082197754,0.04975007498760919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32082037020060034,0.0,0.07909171725927057,0.0,0.0,0.12906826126637194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981959468477779,0.0,0.09457605953889804,0.0,0.08710237638075105,0.08785741416664715,0.0913853162268849,0.057218265742665725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056846256920481036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040145296672612615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415552510005591,0.0,0.0,0.05172961305392402,0.0,0.0,0.05600476984564667,0.0,0.0,0.06027249018066089,0.0,0.0,0.2077593471416,0.059556626363214335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03795325087026925,0.0,0.2339853801783878,0.1908177916208356,0.0,0.0,0.05635465148501492,0.14133972223154012,0.0,0.0,0.09441966357420488,0.0,0.0,0.06692890525675925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718774645936747,0.06631885557212132,0.0,0.0,0.04731236913637085,0.04953067258236885,0.0,0.06193473683151113,0.0,0.0,0.06722943773504655,0.11167361849434797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878689996518672,0.15743643831403392,0.07592238095763237,0.0582069712865709,0.0,0.27636542243867324,0.0,0.0,0.05661022177615105,0.0,0.0402228162035944,0.0,0.0,0.06167513794421878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888253987664781,0.13977468569630186,0.0,0.14256599284905005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614385809810186,0.0,0.05710914316396697,0.0642476372724671,0.043130368776742034,0.0,0.0,0.08417053647015896,0.0,0.0,0.11445366357974117
bpd,AurorHallow205,2018/11/17,"Why the FUCK do people come here to talk shit on people who have BPD?! As far as I’m concerned, this is an educational and SUPPORTIVE subreddit. We aren’t here venting and asking for help to hear your criticism about how ~borderlines are bad people~

If we were “bad” people, we wouldn’t have acknowledged our faults enough to address them and ask for support. 

Why must people come here to talk shit, not realizing that they’re being just as terrible as anyone abusive that may have hurt them? Like sorry hon, go to a different subreddit. We ain’t standing for that BS here. ",5.293888888888887,6.942469314814815,5.626851851851857,78.76583333333336,68.81481481481481,9.103703703703703,29.24074074074073,9.516144504307137,2.702385185185185,458,17,83,10,8,146,74,108,0.275,0.645,0.08,-0.9804,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,5,1,2,0,7,11,3,0,3,0,13,3,2,1,1,18,23,9,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,1,1,8,3,14,18,1,6,0,1,0,1,15,2,3,2,1,55,13,0,0.0,0.171646400313267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129596465430267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27086643027054097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419195849422542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245777902470936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495841036392175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135755732006148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968868588495424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392930928193342,0.0,0.0,0.08233254684267306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327820040705407,0.0,0.09710282054841328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508555391399906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077580957343017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021705687244339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974124555592121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621692914529183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287918703727972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23288086954011414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614439733510036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,salamidesk,2018/11/17,"Always on the outer My partner has social events often. He will frequently go out with friends or they will just drop around with little notice, and it's just no big deal for him. He has friends that know almost every intimate detail about him and accept him anyway. I have ""friends"", but I've never had friends like that. I've never felt comfortable enough with anyone to call them out of the blue or invite them into my house to casually hang out without prior planning. The idea of that makes me panic. I want my house to be perfect so that it appears that I actually have my shit together, but it's never good enough. 

I just want to belong somewhere. I desperately crave connection, but I don't know how to let people in. Some part of me always needs to keep people at a distance. I'm not sure why.",4.756363636363638,5.907764821656053,5.459166184134335,81.34436016213087,69.57324840764332,7.7473074696004645,26.37463810075275,8.00094639256281,1.588470063694268,635,19,119,8,11,206,100,157,0.158,0.7170000000000001,0.125,-0.828,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,2,9,13,1,1,4,0,10,1,1,2,5,40,21,9,0,3,10,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,5,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,2,2,18,11,23,15,4,21,0,0,1,0,16,11,1,6,7,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.13315417118307973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663358400729814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270723667498484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954080484183814,0.0,0.0,0.12146820151158795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932929795042046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406725368515542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819758010960207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496384820546444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101207419787694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216794645547389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754689579572256,0.11444662956587667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148867774711148,0.0,0.15403388456890774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212818038141961,0.0,0.0,0.14997718736576346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952795968848872,0.0,0.06666190395320097,0.13675736461922766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910805140839143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117492356563608,0.3157127650060022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534765942737716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009305729057854,0.0,0.14776055976333347,0.0,0.1891925866885432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140062548676354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909218576842738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128601210525416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609618639004138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312365726163725,0.0,0.0,0.13153160150044124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,espresso_my_depresso,2018/11/17,"After years of thinking I was bipolar, I recently discovered it's actually BPD I'm fairly new at this subreddit but I just want to thank you all so fucking much for sharing your experiences and feelings here. I finally feel validated. 

I was on a brink of destroying yet another relationship with my overreactions and tantrums because I was 100% sure my thoughts were rational. I thought it was normal to have a complete meltdown if my SO doesn't immediately respond to my message. I thought it had to be my fault and they hate me, when in reality they just had a bad day. I thought everyone sees things black and white. There are so so so many things I'm just now realizing, and not just about relationships, about me in general. 

Now that I know it's my disorder talking, not my rational brain I feel like there is a way out. Thank you all so much once again!",3.279886363636365,5.740416939393942,4.8088446969697,78.95326704545455,76.57575757575758,8.97348484848485,32.13068181818181,9.516144504307137,3.4283409090909087,685,36,131,20,16,229,103,165,0.142,0.742,0.11599999999999999,-0.8292,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,2,0,20,11,4,0,4,0,12,3,1,0,3,31,29,14,0,3,8,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,10,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,11,6,25,5,16,17,4,18,0,0,3,1,11,6,1,1,12,96,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.14078258499519175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127524297470832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204558954408768,0.08794307690339496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169769229573648,0.1610483155222425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125991943892236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303948952555807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653410757915771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378521295868882,0.0,0.141119609563309,0.0,0.0,0.2188353303552858,0.10306349788786956,0.0,0.15803610394047707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337138354618325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424325845507035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928469660417002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048097011042327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462628515928864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210388688538329,0.0,0.0,0.1393327836637782,0.0,0.0,0.14134982815581146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363834115830596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244504763350474,0.3097749029849937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496114385534065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596878483352806,0.0,0.0,0.11595536458199693,0.0,0.2656410842629158,0.0,0.0,0.1916875399462525,0.09243968288714433,0.0,0.4581236401689917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509169139878976,0.11451145651171335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290242862191284
bpd,Not_Really_A_Name,2018/11/17,"Anyone else feel like maybe you can only become attached to people you subconsciously know cannot form attachments back? Over the course of my life from adolescence on, I've just been grown closest to really shitty people.

 In my dating relationships I've developed feelings for what range from at best ""fuckboy"" types (not really interested in anything other than sex, use flimsy ""not ready for relationship"" excuses, but aren't clear with intentions from the beginning, end up in one sided ""situationships"") to at worst complete sociopaths (I'm recently out of a relationship with a ""text book case"" abusive narcissist who's MO is to absolutely ruin the lives of everyone he encounters - so there's that).

In my friendships with other women (I've only had a few) I've been the friend that is only called when something is needed. I've gravitated towards the girls who are always talking shit about everyone else, and then wonder why I end up on their ""shit list"" too. The ones who are ""best friends"" with everyone, yet the second that person isn't around they'll talk about how much they can't stand them.

But at the same time, I've had really great guys who've been interested in dating me. I always TRY to give them a chance, but end up resenting and dropping them for whatever reason - I tell myself it's okay, I can't force a romantic connection where there isn't any. I've had really nice girls want to be my friend, yet I always make excuses to not hang out, or I'm really bad at replying to texts - I tell myself it's okay, not everyone is going to be a best friend, some people just make better acquaintances. It's almost like I don't WANT healthy relationships.

​

Is this a BPD thing or more of just a ME thing?",8.0962721039336,7.5464678404907986,8.213363406712379,70.33223204619271,62.31288343558282,11.96506676290148,33.286900036088056,11.326091736570909,3.7613058823529397,1380,46,247,35,17,451,173,326,0.135,0.6809999999999999,0.184,0.9614,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,2,6,4,16,22,3,0,16,2,24,4,2,6,1,38,39,11,0,3,12,0,2,2,4,1,1,1,0,5,15,9,0,0,5,1,0,3,11,6,0,3,6,3,23,16,45,30,10,40,0,1,0,1,33,22,2,5,15,160,38,2,0.0,0.10065105323134374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506447311582681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205391826333025,0.0920425527714811,0.10322272201457107,0.057768450663252674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059398539741776876,0.08704061722679003,0.06990605224145131,0.07562290513698594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532078350187961,0.07092913389761712,0.0,0.09381984985464903,0.0,0.0,0.2674472112750844,0.07513077024177785,0.0,0.0,0.10699069479798072,0.0,0.08674275366382472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906774583309686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192851286888422,0.0,0.2257196497832237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246908628839757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590585730701679,0.0606878112099838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26252653574685475,0.0,0.0,0.08149112844792149,0.04827865623636661,0.0,0.0,0.09365692524112958,0.0,0.0841131825522984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668592467713086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000221699384385,0.08300389363092471,0.0,0.07501180593867793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340866153745885,0.0,0.08534300994446753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244752462316211,0.06298884442045509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512771552906312,0.19382335755930405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667948719571425,0.07417446961057789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27210354834520434,0.0873420492900065,0.08387720517679766,0.36481511330806543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439851253228505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539813681477752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655809124959511,0.1484989000149534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287310710355387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953463165944001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767501208708645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336893758291466,0.0,0.0,0.10021061984071776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665354831426649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212391388758988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322272201457107,0.0
bpd,PandaMagnet92,2018/11/17,"New FP About a month ago I broke up with my FP, but since then I met someone, and I'm completely in love with her. Is it normal to just ""forget"" your old FP within such a short amount of time, and being superclose with someone new?",8.036249999999999,4.7708401249999985,8.028333333333332,80.25000000000004,64.41666666666666,11.266666666666667,32.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.2998833333333337,178,4,40,2,2,58,38,48,0.039,0.835,0.127,0.7444,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,9,3,1,11,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,7,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24561883127550166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905179924999015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25007972224768865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211663307349824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5352201792725259,0.0,0.0,0.27148413451730025,0.0,0.0,0.29075373825797457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292072926821645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695458636539741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615702925264233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,canniberry420,2018/11/17,"Is it my BPD making me jealous or do I have a right? I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years and  it hasn’t been easy. The biggest issue I’ve been having is my bf continuously flirting with other women online and being a regular on cam sites. He’s such a regular that he follows the cam girls on Instagram and has some as friends on fb (I can’t prove the Facebook part but I feel like it’s true). He claims it’s nothing to having them on his social media and I’m being crazy but why would a cam girl with over 50k followers who only follows 500 people follow you him if nothing is going on? And it’s many cam girls who follow him back so I feel like it’s more than just flirting. 

Am I crazy? ",1.6866752710376858,3.3219034496644326,3.9269798657718127,87.32234383066599,78.26174496644296,6.195353639648943,22.19979349509551,7.010146845296331,0.6455974186886944,550,16,117,6,13,190,91,149,0.057,0.84,0.102,0.6641,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,4,7,1,0,8,0,17,0,0,1,2,20,27,11,0,2,5,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,10,7,0,0,3,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,3,2,13,6,13,21,3,19,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,4,5,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721961237892445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166802364757444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732101475609461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936816089956454,0.3099433252048279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675961486779126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328379415880622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264139244335256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195774146394286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479949500207992,0.21992846888410889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162918485060118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498166256272384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234909241017712,0.0,0.15038886904721865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328968681051153,0.0,0.18525324201614626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211282891909014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957415762702956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409769312480814,0.0,0.0,0.1396929477301824
bpd,Putinthatpussy,2018/11/17,"BPD meet-up This may be stupid, but anyone with BPD in Sydney, Australia. Wanna meet up? Maybe over a coffee or a beer? Share experiences and maybe some ways of dealing with things. Just want to meet with other people who really get it. ",1.6833333333333336,4.426946111111113,2.5438888888888904,90.18250000000002,87.88888888888891,4.777777777777779,14.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.4396666666666662,185,3,35,2,6,58,37,45,0.048,0.851,0.10099999999999999,0.3421,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,0,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775137839630614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6403438050361294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620820543170392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486687271897252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281560451638613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107815013657429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623902607661013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628551172980036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888757247864974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994119286494562,0.20178214939458647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scumcult,2018/11/17,"Splitting or appropriate behavior? Okay so atm I don't have a therapist to ask this to but since everyone here has bpd I thought it was a good place to go. I've had bpd for about 12 yrs now and have worked pretty hard on being self aware as well as on my road to 'recovery' if that's even a thing. I'd like to hope I understand enough to where I can read situations pretty well at this point. But not sure if my reaction in a specific situation is okay or not. 

I started working somewhere new in the beginning of this year and made a friend. We have many things in common and it started off light and with good boundaries. After a while we started to hang out more, outside of work..getting drinks with mutual friends and messaging about cute animals. We made funny faces at each other at work and when they didn't get back to me, they'd apologize, hoping they didn't come off as an asshole. They were very nice and upfront with me about most things. After a while I began to develop a small crush and also began flirting badly, being too mean, hoping it came off cute, just not doing great so I went back to the friend thing.  I went on vacation and while I was gone, we messaged the whole time and I thought it was nice to talk and being cool.. Then I found out when I got back from a close friend I trust that they called me fat and annoying and wished I would stop messaging them. That I didn't even know them and are a waste of their time. This caught me off guard because everyone else said they seemed genuine with me and I was so confused by the situation but knew it wasn't a lie. 

At this point now, I just have stopped talking to them. We say hi casually but at a moments notice, I completely just backed away from them. Sometimes when they pass by me, I just whisper trash under my voice because that's what they seem like to me. I also heard them after the fact refer to a girl on tinder as a gorilla thats good at taking pictures. Anyways, tonight I was telling someone about how I was told he doesn't have the best hygiene and he walked up to me and grabbed my arm and asked me for my help with something. I obviously was caught in the act of being shitty and salty...but should I feel bad about it? Am I just being bitter and splitting on this person or do they deserve my bad mouthing? ",4.426931312569522,5.1589473577586205,4.921126251390437,86.43972469410456,70.03448275862068,8.142269187986653,27.898776418242488,8.259297600419973,1.6552142102335927,1810,60,382,25,31,577,228,464,0.10300000000000001,0.705,0.192,0.993,0,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,5,0,15,4,33,33,2,1,22,3,35,5,4,3,3,81,73,46,0,8,17,0,3,2,4,2,1,5,0,3,23,36,2,3,11,3,1,12,9,6,2,0,31,11,60,27,66,34,6,74,0,0,0,0,45,31,0,12,33,275,83,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262430726104215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758069857203876,0.0,0.07415879452981633,0.2427739756746409,0.1977136552601357,0.0962318870640236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828337976616579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882306169483166,0.0,0.08059794310078497,0.0902766717270005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799254586617158,0.08275823406059245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773228746970649,0.0,0.0,0.0659371862283636,0.0,0.0,0.08155739642290633,0.0,0.1042670957897629,0.0,0.0,0.15084496737034744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03991016601852828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654437637824089,0.2439292954956698,0.0,0.08247695979289711,0.0,0.04485862189020877,0.19861213126422655,0.06312877535720267,0.08702231843865353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070716986620187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290615775287055,0.0,0.0,0.2351905329150455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043378718588042285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712394192529373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937389233597367,0.0,0.08002420833882222,0.0,0.08597960336676974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623258802155422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986409893361617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891998960943134,0.08246667562732474,0.0,0.14923166549948774,0.0,0.0,0.16060353641754507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895291536111643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508198429285813,0.06276954090392607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437126470779801,0.08234282657437089,0.0,0.0,0.06529299825101785,0.26616712598574216,0.0,0.0,0.06687845071501344,0.06076536756398816,0.07806532652692652,0.0,0.1676044834295482,0.0,0.0,0.13198062920619738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439205681139567,0.0,0.05934670647839741,0.1268843886504003,0.06898965843486826,0.0,0.0,0.09164561942351594,0.2097544723838992,0.0,0.0,0.1253256764330925,0.09205124936380428,0.0,0.0,0.07542248368517372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217053280187574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512679955423756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193789513697913,0.14634068520259685,0.0,0.08812426275249473,0.0907673932744048,0.0,0.0,0.2298524494931257,0.0,0.0,0.056070712271677925,0.0,0.0,0.05082933377995274
bpd,Rick____c137,2018/11/17,"A hippie at heart Looking back at the past six months, I believe my anxiety and stress levels have come down. The calm has given me a chance to take a look at the inside. What I see is a hippie, a rebel, an angry young man who wants nothing do with nothing completely disregarding societal values. Bpd, anxiety and depression were all a result of trying to fit in a society. Everyone around me wants me to change, pursue my career and get ""better"" but who are they to define what better means. I do what needs to be done when it needs to be done, then why is that not enough. They keep messing with my head because I let them. I gave them a finger and they grabbed my arm, twisted it and broke it. But now its time to give them a different finger. Just like Em said "" Don't let them say you aint beautiful. They can all get fucked, just stay true to you"". I may not be perfect, but thats okay. It's better than okay. There will be a place in society for me just the way I am. If anyone who is reading this is going through a similar struggle, please leave a comment. To everyone else thank you for reading this. Peace.
",3.0224454365079367,4.579820004464288,4.1186904761904755,87.69853174603178,74.40178571428571,7.29920634920635,24.49801587301588,7.984000788550335,1.2643718253968252,867,27,180,13,18,282,135,224,0.132,0.708,0.16,0.7842,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,8,4,8,17,2,2,17,2,24,6,5,1,4,31,44,11,0,5,9,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,2,15,9,0,2,1,2,0,2,4,7,0,1,6,8,26,10,23,30,3,22,0,2,3,1,21,10,1,2,9,128,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371072619649795,0.0,0.0,0.08395769336494006,0.0,0.0,0.10689024862325827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923285712990558,0.0,0.0731952642069079,0.0,0.0,0.13528092738197356,0.0,0.3185839011019224,0.0,0.0,0.15122748784399734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702110097188454,0.10343208494838484,0.1258940459794183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341852641633273,0.0,0.0,0.1254505194684899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457523249078377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030541672396398,0.0,0.0,0.12406729954761332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294694113939437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100536847292036,0.1254661640170732,0.11518477060104353,0.06824013913448718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322933347087195,0.0,0.0,0.14228684574376213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067262213637033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271397577130131,0.0,0.2455651456990695,0.0,0.058661504810192236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016618212405709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079447939431746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584096313985976,0.0,0.0,0.1780649190453073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304261793404086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146230738109912,0.0,0.0,0.1254505194684899,0.13180387685896566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402105861612281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421672888609945,0.09548670967145187,0.0,0.0,0.09568247546379817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279816282600011,0.0,0.0,0.13754298634493686,0.12552616082095092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027980211187364,0.0,0.0,0.11054690165203328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001541509081059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152154919426581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164409645545736,0.09530819945383484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083470255780952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eveurzz,2018/11/17,It’s cool b Ok so I’ve been ignoring my feelings for a good while and now everything is kicking in... I guess I’m okay but I’m not sure,-3.975312500000001,-3.90436290625,-0.017499999999998298,102.3125,131.1875,4.1000000000000005,16.5,5.985473137389443,-0.2368249999999996,105,4,28,2,8,38,28,32,0.147,0.632,0.221,0.057999999999999996,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,5,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569280554047525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25706845775967824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264319877192389,0.0,0.0,0.5600732991628903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791724320364293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mikethecanadain,2018/11/17,Help I need to talk to someone. I don't know who I am. I can't stop dissociating. I'm freaking out. ,-2.991521739130434,-1.5173450434782565,1.5307608695652206,94.3291847826087,108.13043478260867,4.039130434782609,18.793478260869566,5.985473137389443,-0.2240347826086957,76,3,20,1,4,29,17,23,0.13699999999999998,0.638,0.225,0.1994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36544831197257177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996377011081126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40427243688818026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619616687211881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558268848569503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382257908857938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jcharbie,2018/11/17,"Needing Support i’ve recently been diagnosed and i’m realizing how true it is for me to have an FP and pour everything into them. how our conversation goes makes or breaks my day. my FP is my best friend but she’s got a boyfriend, it’s been almost a year and i’m struggling to cope. does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal? i can’t avoid them forever. ",1.3985135135135138,3.72540067567568,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,82.7837837837838,7.483783783783783,24.114864864864863,8.472884824447931,1.7344378378378382,286,11,61,7,8,96,54,74,0.08800000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.114,-0.0129,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,2,1,3,6,0,2,3,0,7,1,0,4,1,15,13,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,9,4,6,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,3,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762415539731653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759942896619144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289304125428572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895060281621961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791178105106928,0.28440738390603193,0.0,0.2799998086193611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414135971670092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479320122394636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313462464863586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063652195517933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414376619053885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455233105350354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723859756283333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883967144318779,0.0,0.0,0.31305128507505564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764969073216988
bpd,HDDeer,2018/11/17,"Psychedelics Just wondering if anyone here has done a psychedelic and what your hallucinations were?

When i did lsd i noticed that when i looked at the carpet or the floor id see faces, and theyd attribute to the mood i was in.

If i was paranoid theyd be scary,  if i was happy they would look happy, i find it odd that they would attribute to my mood like that, id assume its due to my disorder.

Im desperate to hear any experiences.",3.0262439807383643,4.4665901797752845,4.4831781701444635,85.5659550561798,74.1685393258427,7.782343499197433,25.07383627608347,8.418075326091056,1.4394802568218297,342,11,74,6,7,114,56,89,0.138,0.752,0.11,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,4,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,12,1,1,2,0,14,17,8,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,14,3,6,6,0,6,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,6,4,50,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510838756176703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553471053348927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25462717531337103,0.0,0.0,0.2273580345865895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173258362593868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306023818690105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730102496528224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25040282585875884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23998276828019055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854151182121097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731353129261572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529431176158965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704149552999754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093493572018745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156477600564175,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somethingEGG,2018/11/17,"Just wanted to share my situation, it feels like things could be okay. For the first time in a long time I feel relieved. It’s been a particularly hard few weeks. I keep splitting on my boyfriend and I’ve been so anxious I’ve been continuously calling in sick to work and skipping compulsory classes. It’s been hell. A constant wave of avoidance behaviours and the subsequent guilt that follows.

My boyfriend left town last Wednesday for a wedding and didn’t once invite me until a week beforehand when it would have been impossible to get flights that were in my price range. He knew about the wedding for 6 months and it’s the first time either of us have gone back to his home town since we moved states together 12 moths ago, (we met there while I was living there for a few years. We now live together in the city that I grew up from, but the decision to move here together wasn’t based on the fact that this is my home town).

We’ve been dating for 2 years now, and I’ve never met any of his friends at the wedding, apparently they’re good high school buddies but are just distant now. I let him know before he left how I was feeling about not being invited by him, his invitation included a guest and if he had invited me earlier the tickets wouldn’t have been hard to get. He wrote it off, said I was reading in to things too much.

Anyway, things just built up. He kind of drilled into me before he left about how I couldn’t ruin this for him. I have a tendency to message a lot while he or I are away, and then split and ruin evenings with friends or family. So I have been consciously trying not to message him unless he messages first. It’s been hard. 

Thursday night I didn’t sleep. I cleaned my entire house at 3am and then called the suicide hotline for a good hour to just break down. At 8am I walked for over an hour to a walk-in GP clinic to get a mental health treatment plan. I got there and it was a two hour wait so I left, and decided that I’d just go to a private clinic and pay the $140 double appointment fee. 

And that’s when shit changed. The GP was SO nice. He just listened to me for 30 minutes. He wrote up a small treatment plan and booked me in for 2 more appointments in the following days, AND he bulk-billed my appointment. I broke down, I’ve never had a GP of all people actually give a shit about anything I’ve had to say when it comes to mental health. Everyone else is so quick to write a script for a shitty antidepressant when they don’t know what’s actually going on.

I didn’t even make it to today’s appointment. I got so anxious after doing the DASS 21 and began feeling like I was exaggerating everything, wasting this lovely GP’s time, so I didn’t go. The doctor CALLED ME when I didn’t show up to the appointment. He spend 20 minutes with me on the phone making sure I am okay and said that if I needed help at any point I could come to the clinic and he would fit me in between other patients. He even waived the $50 fee for not showing up to the appointment. 

I feel so overwhelmed. It’s a strange feeling when someone helps you in a way that you didn’t know you needed. My next appointment is on Monday and I’m feeling okay about it. It’s nice to be reassured that I deserve this care. I don’t know why I have such a hard time accepting it.

Sigh, sorry for the long post. I’ve never posted here and I guess I just had a lot I needed to express. With my boyfriend gone for the week and my general anti-social tendencies, I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I hate stressing my family out because I know they’ve been through their fair share of dealing with my mental health. But hey, I guess today was okay. I’m doing okay.

I didn’t speak to my boyfriend at all last night. I’ve never gone a night without saying goodnight to him while we’ve been together. I still don’t know what to do about that but I’ll figure it out.

I hope you’re all doing okay. xx",3.4689970164413144,4.629023166042448,4.45106286633234,87.33148924014475,72.645443196005,7.577824329757295,26.185509638375763,8.006104516180752,1.382917586068262,3080,101,658,43,59,1001,319,801,0.094,0.7809999999999999,0.125,0.9678,1,1,0,0,0,1,71.0,4,3,2,6,46,36,4,4,47,6,62,12,3,4,9,109,116,53,1,13,21,0,11,2,3,3,8,7,3,0,35,34,0,3,19,5,5,14,22,11,1,4,44,18,77,24,98,62,11,121,1,4,0,1,66,43,3,9,61,416,112,7,0.0,0.0,0.11733558776258632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329215876020744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176641212506051,0.0,0.0,0.1358354615014299,0.0,0.042036833465246434,0.0,0.0494730861913744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056484089656805826,0.046228053918919265,0.0,0.036648185634830494,0.0,0.10231424387160036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416567339542556,0.0,0.0612956638025397,0.0,0.06359827973021842,0.10357495914136536,0.0,0.0649676380784088,0.0,0.09600078629576056,0.0,0.0,0.03877199438050239,0.06198038952469799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153468185385129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022198597285663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912475163972265,0.0,0.0,0.057446596288717726,0.05403137739673232,0.0,0.11335030791103295,0.0,0.2127869778535217,0.08589852290291637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153412414469009,0.0,0.0,0.09289609063938636,0.0,0.09422960596446284,0.05767193958559435,0.10250160227625724,0.10085048352781566,0.096165840607534,0.0,0.13245644008484905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154204445972101,0.05935539195196572,0.0,0.1917121098387181,0.0,0.0,0.08059343943916868,0.06351937305400028,0.12060917988554115,0.059712059919673176,0.17761629015953376,0.06936963518484014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343682292865983,0.0,0.0626050309101315,0.19824006947193826,0.09801055613881728,0.0,0.0,0.26127931233669377,0.0614760882588245,0.0,0.058742535905746025,0.0,0.1061729398695571,0.10640743062569022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222260916400977,0.05426004265032787,0.0,0.08026023938116503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817584336364101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047986675731393015,0.12779466718201626,0.044194625058340084,0.1337331645482525,0.18547093451643407,0.0,0.06393758962351498,0.16925375617272567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640251244970899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04167917377688047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056832199249938375,0.0,0.1151553994778885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060135599266388826,0.0,0.03851398231948458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143745002678967,0.09561860865223216,0.0,0.06084397170116228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342325686417707,0.0497313311328079,0.06757664595814653,0.06016274758306934,0.0,0.05093891331764135,0.0,0.0,0.06729866802935641,0.0,0.0,0.04801137469461223,0.0,0.06886648953256294,0.0,0.0,0.06576078939117505,0.0,0.0566617571567944,0.0,0.0,0.048321640272190915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982183467752401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528032430447696,0.0,0.11397219077350272,0.0,0.0,0.04081707881626117,0.0,0.05872784984871525,0.0,0.07231615183870466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03545993854399892,0.04771992592624517,0.14467230084496646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424834447134926,0.0,0.0,0.05795288887416284,0.0,0.04376758834647115,0.0,0.0,0.08541409442142567,0.0,0.0,0.07742975501761222
bpd,mydisappointinglife,2018/11/17,"i want to be worse i told my fp i'm stopping all my medication because i'm afraid of recovery and i want to get bad again. he said i have a horrible attitude and i'm afraid he hates me because he's acting distant now. i keep apologizing and asking if i've done something wrong and he says it's fine. but it's obviously not fine. i asked him if i'm being irrational and he said i don't know.  

i am being honest. i want to be worse, i want to be sick enough, i want people to know i'm sick. i'm useless. i'm afraid a doctor has removed my diagnosis without telling me. i need this diagnosis - i feel attached to it. i feel so alone.",-0.7784590429845863,1.3419401605839454,2.5374574209245755,90.42651054339012,92.64963503649635,5.672181670721817,21.479724249797243,7.1686216300943375,0.7942201135442009,490,19,112,9,18,176,71,137,0.261,0.633,0.106,-0.9738,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,10,1,3,2,0,10,4,0,0,2,24,35,9,0,8,5,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,4,5,20,3,8,26,2,5,0,1,0,0,14,0,0,2,3,58,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670807657336675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016282719674725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469699122246012,0.1966805827871982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511973074511355,0.0,0.1650882437815586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668857640079082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313833077877032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842839988567978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592719104432301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433902564867553,0.0,0.0,0.177316519768168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251477372583614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961809425534208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184024592932178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069080089370777,0.12828959571431345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419342767135172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487227498524473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410023916317068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414992367954589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757589808077409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550848917250634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288014576397955,0.0,0.17638009846163746,0.0,0.0
bpd,iammadeofsludge,2018/11/17,"am i just being selfish? i have a lot of resentment towards my dad. growing up him and my mom were always on and off, i never knew when they were together. i would think they were off and then hear them in bed together in the middle of the night. a couple days later we would be at his new girlfriends house, and my parents weren’t together anymore. a couple weeks of going to the girlfriends house every weekend and hearing my parents fight the rest of the week, he would stop going to his new girlfriends house. my parents were together again. 2 months later the cycle would repeat. i didn’t realize until recently, about 3 years after they’ve been legitimately separated (although a few one night flings here and there), that i hold all of this resentment toward him for the way he would play my mom. i started to realize because he’s back with his new old girlfriend.

but it’s long distance so i listen to them half the night on the phone going “no u, no u, yes I wanna be there baby, haha no u”. this makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

not just because of what i stated in the first paragraph. but also because ive experienced quite a bit of sexual abuse and assault through out my 18 years of living. being around and seeing affection or anything that could ever lead to sex, or sexual conversations makes my stomach turn. i choke up and hyperventilate. 

yes, i am trying to work through it. no, i don’t expect the world to stop loving and fucking just because i personally can’t deal with it. 

but my dad noticed how on edge ive been. he’s noticed me silently crying to myself. im very snippy toward him just in normal conversations. he asks me all the time what’s going on and i tell him it’s a problem within me. but finally tonight he kept pushing so i fucking told him. and i told him the reason i didn’t wanna tell him was because his attitude towards any anxiety or traumatic events that still effect me today, is basically that it doesn’t matter because the world doesn’t care. and therefore i need to get over it. 

and that’s exactly what he said. and i said “but you’re family. you’re supposed to be my dad. why can’t you just calm your fucking boner for your girlfriend around me?”

and he compared me to his bigoted, overbearing, religious parents. saying he doesn’t want to censor himself around me. and that he should be himself around me.

“but dad.. it’s harmful to me. doesn’t that matter?”

“dont i matter? it’s always about you! and all your issues! save this shit for therapy! work it out and fix it there!” 

i don’t know i really can’t breathe right now tbh and doing everything i can to not have a full blown meltdown. 
idk the purpose of this lol i don’t have anyone to talk to.
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bpd,haileyhurley,2018/11/17,Addiction Are people with BPD more prone to having drug addictions?,8.048181818181817,11.443230181818185,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,65.36363636363637,11.672727272727276,29.181818181818183,11.20814326018867,4.759654545454547,56,2,7,2,1,17,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.76300208250184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407542647757041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40583503283105615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24261373890795954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheNewFlisker,2018/11/17,Fear of abandonment vs. fear of rejection? People with BPD have a fear for abandonment. People with AvPD have a fear for rejection. How do you differentiate between those two?,4.614000000000001,8.085520066666668,5.035,72.3225,81.66666666666666,9.666666666666668,27.5,9.516144504307137,3.8000000000000016,142,6,22,5,4,45,19,30,0.574,0.426,0.0,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,4,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533000734907451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9052510575411324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788586875116185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646228134057167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HellFee,2018/11/17,DAE have to fight the urge to scream in pain? From emotional pain. I dunno if it’s a borderline thing or I’m just being extra,-0.7850000000000001,1.3753489259259304,1.9017592592592607,93.4504166666667,96.77777777777777,5.662962962962964,14.157407407407408,7.1686216300943375,-0.016770370370370546,99,2,22,2,4,34,24,27,0.37799999999999995,0.5710000000000001,0.051,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504627003388422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8522336478202186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26604729866413274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cardboardbox27,2018/11/17,"Intrusive Thoughts So I’ve been having intrusive thoughts for years, even before I was diagnosed with BPD. Since I’ve started with the BPD symptoms, though, the thoughts have gotten worse. I literally have “I want to die” running through my head all day every day. I’ve tried distracting myself, I’ve tried ignoring the thoughts, I’ve tried the old “shut up, stupid” talk back- nothing works for more than a few minutes. Does anyone else have this problem? If you do, how do you deal with it??",3.8112698412698407,6.472342923076925,3.3950915750915764,88.730463980464,75.81318681318682,6.681807081807082,28.7924297924298,7.793537801064563,1.8911821733821736,390,17,73,6,9,116,62,91,0.19899999999999998,0.787,0.013999999999999999,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,1,5,4,1,1,5,0,8,3,1,1,1,13,15,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,7,0,7,0,9,8,3,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091017510550858,0.15987402709968002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997958016016433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327724074828009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930356604659106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125647581461853,0.1608629497226857,0.0,0.15836999207861505,0.16193739619294736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365453414397996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303453699868374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030581827612433,0.0,0.13146435080869714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013465263491306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497176652155977,0.0,0.1637301600779807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930230233832034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290719319611777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044080815750533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621778072636923,0.0,0.1254132419823805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153301418816143,0.4954904083090875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178080557962957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203217912820333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135937256550486,0.0,0.15901073793575174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047999765695824
bpd,tourmalineghost,2018/11/17,"Self control in relationships? When someone says something to me that I dislike or that makes me a little annoyed I go into this white hot rage and I struggle a LOT with just keeping my cool and not yelling at them and telling them every single reason why they're the worst person that's ever walked this earth. With my boyfriend this also often manifests itself into me ""breaking up"" with him (and going back on it 5 minutes later when I'm not mad anymore and he's back to being the greatest person that's ever graced my humble presence). I know it's a bit silly to get so worked up about literally nothing, but I need to be better at controlling myself in these situations. Any advice/anything anyone has done to help this issue?",6.990797872340425,6.9990137092198585,7.26814716312057,74.34562500000001,64.39007092198581,8.468439716312059,33.22783687943262,7.645422480735847,2.485800709219858,587,22,99,5,8,191,99,141,0.071,0.8109999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.7484,0,0,1,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,2,4,11,9,3,1,5,1,4,0,0,4,2,26,12,11,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,12,10,0,3,2,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,1,5,15,4,18,9,5,21,0,0,1,0,11,10,0,3,7,77,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293089938339075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099594719628107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035992679320935,0.11306226825159685,0.0,0.13306281375422707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486699497597133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300781359193174,0.1765311920842964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627137613457195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654721215446494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29252830022798626,0.13623665571737933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447998345391003,0.0,0.18379220788768244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838205828138127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687696073603528,0.0,0.14372368017367745,0.0,0.0,0.08886441589922013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206282489037493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746896597521424,0.0,0.0,0.10793397083955956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989624081136632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551525861217569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823750825184917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625139690977025,0.0,0.1736020127026077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858790601129494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868518539040794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175414851786484,0.0,0.0,0.1370053024266309,0.12448221319667442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904076206145505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413302628443999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590634853349474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771730661980714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Prophet_of_Duality,2019/11/01,"How do I get over my FP Okay so basically I got into a romantic relationship with my FP and it was great at first. Then I guess I got too much for her to handle so she broke up with me. This sparked one of the worst mental breakdowns I've ever had causing me to run away from school for a bit before the cops caught me. 

I took about 2 weeks off of school which was agonizingly painful because I couldn't see her. We talked and she said she still wanted to be friends but only friends. For some reason I couldn't handle this and just freaked out more. 

For the past couple of months I've been living off of love from her. I had to talk to her and get reassurance that she loved me or else I wouldn't be able to function. 

One suicide attempt later I'm trying to come back to school just so I can at least see her. However the counselor and principal don't want me to come back because of terrible grades and even if I do they don't want me ever associating myself with her. She agrees to this and tells me that if I come back all romantic, sexual, or even close friend stuff we used to do has to end. 

I'm literally fucking dying. Everything feels empty and hollow. Things that used to make me happy make me uncomfortable and sad now. I'm literally living off of short text sessions with her. 

I don't think I'm gonna live for much longer if I can't be with her again but I know that isn't an option anymore.

What do I do? God please someone tell me how to fix this.",2.45990163934426,3.9824955147540986,3.7922622950819687,89.60347540983607,75.81967213114754,6.847213114754098,22.363934426229505,7.554174236665415,0.6793645901639351,1152,31,257,15,25,378,160,305,0.105,0.75,0.14400000000000002,0.9417,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,2,0,1,2,19,16,1,0,7,1,23,4,0,8,3,54,54,22,2,9,9,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,13,22,0,0,4,0,0,6,8,7,0,3,10,4,45,9,43,37,8,33,0,2,2,3,28,12,1,8,15,176,58,5,0.10056945389150168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997378744419688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448831247504574,0.2319951067819573,0.0,0.12261241128067316,0.0,0.08557719797138452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097957963893272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331253227763072,0.0,0.25989503849851536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127818786936207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437521527030792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401287393588831,0.0,0.08907468555248177,0.0,0.0,0.13285035160445516,0.1819416575095178,0.0,0.0,0.09038534040185987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085093766152664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554432610418199,0.0,0.0,0.2330991318097721,0.09297483956810323,0.10508677761434952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160869158942978,0.11087817795674187,0.11078859176197572,0.0,0.0,0.1070580537488998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527034174033205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664140109120138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815357172614267,0.0,0.13426178281437046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135035533463514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027357860763945,0.0,0.14786024055985714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629692942961127,0.07648760151764344,0.10701298961427294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600492341034426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039505993267187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340214841935652,0.0,0.10797395641202658,0.0,0.0,0.09566458082402744,0.0,0.0,0.305344969455282,0.16028166796087515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521217192205602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031489578861285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151279636747341,0.1100066594744231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166783506956592,0.17580427095857362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681387640976164,0.06444084523710812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173636370356364,0.06828005763999692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371943605603218,0.0,0.0,0.17795540870972915,0.0,0.08067074965581877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway82848388,2019/11/01,It’s a Friday night TW for rough subjects And I’m feeling fucking useless. I’m in pain. I’m grieving: I miss so much. I feel alone. It’s hard for me to conversate with people so my conversations never last more than a few replies. I just wanna disappear. I miss my (ex??) best friend. Fuck life man. I feel like an attention wh*re. Dumb stuff has been triggering me today. I can see why people don’t speak to me. Sometimes I just get thoughts of walking out my door and seeing if people will even care or notice I’m gone. I know no one did when I was in the hospital. So why would it be any different. I’m jus sitting at my computer crying. I wanted to just play a game but no instead Depression hits me and borderline hits me and ocd hits me all at once and I get triggered.,-0.20092663043477896,2.1057129562500023,2.0205434782608727,92.96663043478264,94.4375,5.282608695652174,20.706521739130434,6.895973343053719,0.6444429347826088,603,22,129,10,23,202,106,160,0.185,0.742,0.07200000000000001,-0.9324,1,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,9,14,3,0,5,0,9,4,0,2,2,26,33,12,1,4,6,1,5,1,1,2,2,1,1,1,4,7,0,0,6,2,0,3,4,9,0,1,5,8,21,5,14,22,5,14,0,5,2,2,7,5,3,2,6,79,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711845394159516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972912354097278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933549800831724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451546034886835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724442905383608,0.0,0.0,0.13897759937239584,0.0,0.0,0.16858499767791393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657558321518973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24476269454456065,0.11527434537771965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246649613370826,0.2983461505863867,0.1686060213946571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454527209965345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867825842142814,0.13152848637196785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397208347562482,0.07883147629925268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861685860586438,0.0,0.1244494075127453,0.0,0.0,0.1514237597743272,0.0,0.0,0.18370740417031867,0.0,0.1718412392834863,0.1093405065848034,0.0,0.17169652382552988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355964207983601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571632221568137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958740656337092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847165585160633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281004036462898,0.0,0.0,0.15294872645864846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095173259438082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912013937109277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462425065898653,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,omar_mostafa,2019/11/01,Dealing with a breakup How do you guys deal with a breakup without letting it take a toll on your productivity but at the same time go through the process of healing,6.293125,6.9718670624999985,5.400000000000002,84.845,65.875,7.65,44.125,7.1686216300943375,3.2936374999999987,134,9,27,1,2,40,27,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7099460598134149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956818095170594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34092539124306026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520848042968705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588815800225322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077249684465792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331906796863722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,niikhil,2019/11/01,"Thanks BPD you win today . But tomorrow is a new day and everything is temporary. Our office had this Diwali party which was being planned for weeks now . I was the part of planning committee . And just yesterday my BPD clicked in .. and I didnt goto office today and skipped the entire event.
I think what triggered it was the hype that the event created .. i was like wow so many people ..what each person would think about me .
Practicing different scenarios and conversations in my head with each person is toll taking . 
I feel bad now that i didnt go . To be honest it sometim feels it better to be the bad guy , come in do your work and go home rather to be everyone’s favorite .


The after effect of this episode is stressful emotional eating .",2.659714285714287,5.429168900000002,3.668214285714289,84.34803571428574,81.42857142857143,6.928571428571428,23.75,8.07648339933343,1.7395714285714283,586,21,105,12,16,188,94,140,0.065,0.754,0.18100000000000002,0.9451,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,0,6,6,9,0,1,7,0,17,2,1,2,0,20,26,8,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,10,10,1,0,5,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,7,3,12,6,12,14,3,18,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,13,73,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26715137649923393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148832492802324,0.0,0.0,0.4029756154804848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780764557664904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031731473356518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714388705349334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369834008469528,0.0,0.1799547152073983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286668218976418,0.14377870805904716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617802641016551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183937629487912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840424988844234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418449188252393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047186745467887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815760329988497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162193481650392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545086058719244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324154469783962,0.0,0.11090921696493354,0.27937478675786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822320980630486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325527444637404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028421334029556,0.0,0.0,0.14728706522799312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050160221387793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032825579061492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832541330374606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646653501186525,0.0,0.0,0.11364441124435185,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nonsenseandstars,2019/11/01,"my fp abandoned me and i don’t know what to do i’ve been dating my fp for a year and a half and for about a month she’s been so distant, not being there for me (even though i was in a psych ward for a while), ignoring me completely; a few days ago she broke up with me, point blanc, just stopped caring, not interested anymore. given that abandonment is my biggest fear and she’s the person i’ve depended on for so long and i was already in a fragile place (only came out of inpatient last week) i am not coping well. i can’t live without her. any and all advice appreciated.",2.154,3.685033066666669,4.036666666666669,87.495,76.66666666666666,7.133333333333333,24.5,7.908726449838941,1.2108999999999992,448,15,98,7,10,152,81,120,0.17600000000000002,0.769,0.054000000000000006,-0.9113,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,8,0,10,0,0,1,1,21,14,10,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,6,1,16,3,15,7,2,19,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,1,10,71,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136353304158573,0.1937956132844473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412553128090273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867076463486176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168147273497283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500458440607642,0.2229001608236641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229221482059468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099339572712327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439806804883668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460110398075261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014918246456918,0.1782064779992965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930476309734077,0.19347399088217804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450235586611493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662722266888844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089269292805752,0.22841393152459755,0.0,0.2066688827056786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277815961874996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147954496488695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753657443532268,0.0,0.19656784036666766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107442427226248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078569164012847
bpd,Rainbowinthewind,2019/11/01,It's back So I had been ok for a while but I've been battered by lots of external stuff lately and I'm falling. I feel like I'm under a wave that just keeps crashing down on me. I can bloody breathe. I opened up to my therapist an I feel scared about that. Like confronting how crap I feel and that I'm falling. She's lovely and wants to see me again next week to check in. I just feel so alone. I can't let anyone kkow how I'm feeling I've got to stay positive for everyone while holding it together. My internal monologue is so black and I just want to hide. I want to cry and hide but I can't.,-0.8224023349797918,1.2757365038167947,1.3771261787157592,98.91429277054337,92.3587786259542,4.914414009878762,19.15626403233049,6.522977012572876,-0.0358894476874716,466,15,113,6,17,155,77,131,0.201,0.636,0.162,-0.6697,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,2,1,3,1,8,3,2,2,0,24,24,14,0,3,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,5,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,4,7,16,4,16,19,1,16,0,0,2,1,2,6,1,1,9,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966016270384877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327301719751742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596383792343787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851403488731526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138608397070924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799065458344725,0.13561113882118964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182052868620313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872533234435366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413105908501046,0.0,0.0,0.19410909657837924,0.0,0.18547797848459585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138257066040998,0.1713246264924414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018812209873836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900481096599207,0.0,0.1512660831225706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232837334840809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730440348556412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040165224059388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358914090233671,0.0,0.1522663006723372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fallintopieces55,2019/11/01,"Is this just a normal part of getting older or BPD? Within the last couple years of life, it has felt like I was awoken suddenly from a dream I didn’t know I was having and then just like thrust into figuring out this new weird waking life. I think about myself before this feeling and I was really positive, had high hopes for myself, I thought I was invincible really and on my way to fame and happiness any minute. 

Then I graduated college, which is a big life change by itself, so that’s why I don’t know if it’s normal to feel this way post-grad or if it’s my BPD. 

After graduation, everything changed. I had to move back home (2 hours away) to my shitty family, my friends all went their separate ways as well and now all of us are spread out around California so far from one another. What gets me is I didn’t see this coming. Which makes absolutely no sense because I had to graduate college eventually right? But I didn’t see it coming. I was buzzing on the high of being away from my family and in this new world that I just thought this was finally happiness and nothing could ever take it away. But all of it did get taken away. 

I hope this makes sense, but I got really angry and irrationally emotional about that part of my life being over. It felt like I was grieving myself. Without that setting and those people, I was completely lost and didn’t even know how to be myself anymore. It took me almost 3 years to start to move on, and even still it feels like I’m floundering a little bit. 

Right now it feels oddly strange to me how long days are, and how much of every second I have to live. I’m not feeling suicidal, but it feels like when I compare the two periods, in the past I wasn’t really here for every day. You know? Like I genuinely was lost in some fantasy world, and now time moves slower and I’m a new person and it feels like I’ve met everyone else in reality. 

I kind of cringe at the thought of the “old” me and am convinced everyone who knew me in college got exhausted by how up in the clouds I was. 

Does anyone relate to this?",3.4005048076923075,4.80661381009616,4.825673076923079,83.61932692307694,73.15865384615384,8.46923076923077,24.778846153846153,9.017664075816787,1.7902346153846156,1619,49,333,34,32,541,203,416,0.073,0.799,0.128,0.9484,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,1,1,2,23,20,0,0,12,0,33,6,1,6,4,71,75,34,2,7,13,0,9,7,1,0,5,0,1,1,31,22,0,0,19,2,0,7,9,5,1,3,33,11,43,15,53,38,8,69,0,3,2,0,7,30,0,8,35,230,74,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024383996897847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770355537405137,0.07355708055814297,0.0,0.0,0.06956871028032854,0.049049636906950786,0.0,0.0,0.062447259729671314,0.0,0.0,0.26362823840920235,0.05394005858011506,0.0,0.042762026787129405,0.0,0.05969141938890561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658426642580321,0.0,0.17669978942503736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841615181376108,0.12085387313334005,0.07354962954015698,0.0,0.0,0.05600806866770535,0.07761825741441784,0.0,0.090480280732574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061387643682970824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058600279175432236,0.07890790177285492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266517532201464,0.06345356029502602,0.1182066944116936,0.13406027320451375,0.06304517311188992,0.0,0.13225999648436282,0.0,0.24828520946686955,0.15034284264232506,0.13470760122149827,0.07684452657324937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054196750091846865,0.0,0.10994947947882623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220872686690116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934929716727646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823201121614754,0.07036491563906414,0.13934707334449742,0.06908238817343626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304912814684529,0.1542076733895156,0.057180593724212886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198192546143699,0.2398979506492462,0.07030747604761031,0.06194263126706191,0.06207943612958651,0.0,0.0,0.15315129396861174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364967042452801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236710584696429,0.051567402529083484,0.0,0.0,0.20325029907359707,0.0,0.0,0.13746176164826926,0.06730961736511157,0.0,0.0736093126359361,0.0,0.04753460833529189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519285201973166,0.06696491919030645,0.04863231056706111,0.06125118257083378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718311141269724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975634155919332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981329810327185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179894281891647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965164616927867,0.0,0.056020882213243334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673134668952376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274312973762499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044948486395990715,0.0,0.16707081497367465,0.04090430013561812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793784214634995,0.0,0.0,0.06852513555253636,0.0,0.08438030883389212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704243733134802,0.0,0.0,0.06307215060552808,0.06502859386428693,0.06329833576362777,0.0,0.0,0.0676208915530382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034698992130108
bpd,Mag72207mrg,2019/11/01,Any techniques to control rage? There are times where my rage just spews out of me. I realise it's happening but I just can not stop.,0.2616666666666667,2.681982481481484,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,94.55555555555556,4.181481481481482,21.564814814814817,5.985473137389443,0.10619259259259196,105,4,23,1,4,32,24,27,0.165,0.752,0.083,-0.3111,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613644273860697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5960007279685426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699077292507456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442670699348868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098586442924961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ZedZinc,2019/11/01,"Dealing with periods away from FP I get majorly low when I go away and leave my FP for a couple of days. I try messaging more and I can tell its irritating them, so I'm just getting down about it. I'm down home visiting my parents and although I have them to talk to, I feel very alone.

I'm trying to deal with it by setting their messages to ignore and not talking to them at all. But it's hard. How do you battle the low moods and intrusive thoughts?",2.9066616541353376,3.929262252631581,4.483909774436093,87.08736842105263,73.84210526315789,7.954887218045112,28.308270676691734,8.418075326091056,1.8427744360902256,354,14,78,6,7,119,67,95,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.9297,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,4,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,15,11,10,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,13,0,17,10,3,13,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,0,3,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675360109188224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932556817995835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315671562636136,0.0,0.13496992850089184,0.4315222302215507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581954337216612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868298468007025,0.0,0.11894009367244407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747605371789386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992745725106232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215999979436629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23238350014479603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364267655967257,0.18292216949411427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614696424465958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841782218051921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268001809164482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SunflowerSupernova33,2019/11/01,"Coping skills? PLEASE!! What are everyone's coping skills for BPD? I (22F) have struggled for years attempting to control my emotions, find motivation, amd learn to love myself. The past few months I have made a very big effort to recognize when i am going down the rabbit hole. Even though I recognize it, I still feel helpless. I'm always very tired (I also have Multiple Sclerosis) and I lack motivation to do everyday things. I also say very hurtful things to loved ones whem i am agitated and immediately regret it. I have struggled with self harm for years and the past few weeks it has been constant because i feel horrible for how hurtful I can be without realizing it as well as not finding any motivation to be successful.  I really want to overcome this. I've been on the wait list for DBT for months and it's just taking too long with how my symptoms are progressing. I'd love to know how other people cope so I can try to cope myself. I REALLY appreciate any response more than i can put into words. I need to make a change 😔",4.267795226130652,6.137491944723622,5.507861180904524,77.72651538944723,71.76381909547739,8.794095477386936,28.01538944723618,9.354420925462401,2.5912334170854283,823,31,151,19,16,274,119,199,0.151,0.6920000000000001,0.157,0.2998,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,10,13,12,0,2,6,0,17,5,0,9,0,32,31,14,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,10,7,0,2,10,0,0,2,2,7,1,1,3,3,21,5,25,26,4,18,0,4,0,3,5,4,0,0,12,102,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951217603587769,0.10151119722820864,0.0,0.0,0.16592415655993695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436818044077469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365083008370434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905654838761366,0.0,0.0,0.13183531320126696,0.13682990162122005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372300968440727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057780461656901,0.0,0.0,0.11657326998604245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233706006788593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300592048143672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933365205310868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612004182035998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704630803090962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796342116169738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303209072409277,0.11543642047663355,0.08143388084737115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475352996212167,0.0,0.0,0.09045915861646404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266825956258296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329196985137062,0.08457729250082117,0.0,0.0,0.1339159657834274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264058445045145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563086814265687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701683478413094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726937757361256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742688525090692,0.0,0.0,0.2550753051886426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680149520113398,0.09172648922523613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209864449740208,0.0,0.11986133892373865,0.0,0.0,0.14021749486075424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282788983660071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019806674407656,0.07195693490355487,0.0,0.09785855777623292,0.0,0.10968986807780128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760066213924154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712401290507702
bpd,spacenerve,2019/11/01,"DAE get insanely jealous of your friends? (bit of a vent sry) It’s come to a point in my life where I only have one real close friend but she’s not even that close anymore... she used to be my roommate too but ever since she moved out there’s been a growing rift between us, probably caused by my clinginess and inability to handle the separation. It’s been half a year now of on and off arguments and me getting jealous of her hanging out with other people more than me, her spending most of her time with her boyfriend (and not once inviting me along?). She used to call me her best friend and we were inseparable but the energy has changed and I am growing more and more paranoid of how fake our friendship was, that she was using me to live in a convenient location close to our university but after she graduated she’s gone as soon as humanly possible. 

I’ve voiced my anxieties and she is aware of my BPD but nothing changes and it’s just pushed on me as being too demanding and she doesn’t know how to please me because everything she does is wrong. Maybe friendships in your mid20s change and I’m clinging to this childish idea of insane closeness I had with her before.... but we barely hang out once a week now, she takes a day or more to reply sometimes... she reassures me she still cares and wants to be friends but her actions are saying otherwise (in my opinion at least). Is it unfair of me to want to be included in her “new” life too, like I’d love to meet her new friends and her boyfriend but she’s just not inviting me to anything. Makes me think she doesn’t want me in her life, makes sense right? 

This became bit of a vent now sorry, but she was my FP for the longest time and now I just feel so paranoid about the friendship and am doubting if I even want to be friends with her at all? How am I to take her at her word when all my life I’ve had to do the opposite to keep myself safe.",4.914775474956818,5.208734290155441,5.325505181347153,85.52751511226255,68.79274611398964,8.50587219343696,30.59110535405872,8.344100000000001,1.9959727115716743,1500,56,319,20,24,479,188,386,0.11800000000000001,0.718,0.16399999999999998,0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,5,2,0,1,24,17,2,1,13,0,25,5,0,9,3,74,47,34,0,5,17,0,1,1,6,0,4,2,0,1,9,30,0,2,4,0,1,9,5,5,0,2,9,3,64,12,57,33,11,47,0,0,0,1,49,22,0,5,17,230,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303888755131238,0.0,0.09468654834618913,0.0,0.0,0.078568622470543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058201290500356835,0.0,0.08124305373846251,0.0,0.10019618378150416,0.0,0.2084701532129653,0.0,0.1202486943249124,0.0,0.0974916827105164,0.0,0.09734415697767244,0.09808016399993376,0.3030028818439092,0.08224412997706479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157412895423574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355170116025322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612201042365784,0.08636351860488213,0.0,0.0,0.08580768290512336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827554020252034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425871783823231,0.0,0.09976455087696684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077807957261364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486346597554953,0.0,0.0,0.05247111906672231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26975012224132106,0.046644756592378836,0.0,0.0843070674520937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617082810921238,0.0,0.12746195826436227,0.0,0.09591848650910828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147589055524804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442265392071755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161180814081106,0.0,0.0,0.2033576727266475,0.0646970164046503,0.07261380914226581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619104489848493,0.0,0.0,0.10480398983815603,0.09025569154441783,0.10763485755444616,0.0,0.0,0.10293928878984754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867260356973132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081535992241757,0.0,0.07592635655773627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897874342458917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442821679629013,0.10687757825972838,0.0,0.0,0.07624726620209207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357215718696714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611771730864679,0.0,0.0,0.11134566033354798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148458863140069,0.2473818577870753,0.0,0.0,0.225256901379874,0.0,0.07658509748824985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438803061870408,0.0,0.061483421171995414
bpd,tai0723,2019/11/01,"I'm SO tired. Sorry for my English. It's not my native language and honestly I'm not putting the same care as usual in thinking how to write all of this correctly because I'm mentally tired.

I thought I had friends until yesterday. I saw on their social networks how everyone had gone out to celebrate Halloween and nobody counted on me. So I almost literally exploded in my Instagram stories and suddenly everyone from here and there wanted to hang out. F\*ck you. You didn't have me in mind from the start and  I'm not going to be sloppy seconds of anyone.  I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me.  

Other people (some of them """"""""friends"""""") suddenly asked what was wrong and when I told them the same I'm writing here, they didn't AT LEAST try to confort me or SOMETHING. Their answer was ""oh I don´t know what to say"" Wow yeah thank you so much.

I haven’t hang out with anyone in over a month because if I don’t ask , nobody asks me. No one gives a shit about me except my parents. I'm always going after everyone but nobody goes after me.

There comes a point where I don’t know if I’m really overreacting or hanging out with shitty people anymore. I don’t know where the problem is, maybe I’m a nasty person and nobody really wants to be with me. I thought I was a good friend, caring about my ""friends"", asking them how they were doing, offering to go see them wherever they were if they were sad or bored or needed a shoulder to cry on and being a loyal person in general, caring for them. Maybe I've been wrong all this time.  But I'm not going to be a fool anymore . I was scared of being alone but I think I'll have to get used to it.",2.6832976903336165,4.375616350299403,4.289088964927288,85.55803892215572,75.61676646706587,7.046877673224977,24.503421727972626,7.83500028581142,1.3252355859709155,1287,42,258,19,28,431,165,334,0.152,0.747,0.1,-0.9537,2,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,3,11,0,15,20,1,1,12,1,26,4,2,4,3,60,68,27,0,8,15,1,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,2,7,16,0,0,9,0,0,10,12,8,0,2,18,4,42,12,46,45,7,38,0,1,2,0,32,17,1,9,11,178,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259221685469857,0.0957677942477681,0.0,0.0,0.0769398459996796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834045835598573,0.19396496343899952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457761779130994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127338955036884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828284199440977,0.0,0.0,0.0796520238204112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157051847262252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650681802198105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675402948790002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857587079260108,0.0,0.04831012489949614,0.08870265059668206,0.2102042201145139,0.07755682631063085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245212613781814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579080535892006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318485990298288,0.0,0.0933651827478542,0.0,0.07380617612800494,0.0,0.06797379129209166,0.06856301495060353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265794644809074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267352014608117,0.0,0.0,0.1282097746409935,0.16147701440325604,0.0,0.0,0.0874110832569868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847830987848236,0.0,0.09295474724542316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847329364401588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353336904190425,0.09257547120668304,0.0,0.07368412633895548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491591671612767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942583327593627,0.0,0.07118551663280079,0.0,0.20701818869713254,0.0654485288863611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513107367075183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849807759672695,0.0,0.14681673759070712,0.05391817745327495,0.21255413699424608,0.0,0.08835606007327015,0.0,0.06277893732432087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986168996575048,0.10183919738109687,0.0,0.16361807291984146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219602064549855,0.0,0.0
bpd,cvltbaby,2019/11/01,How do I move out of abusive environment (UK)? I won't go into full detail right now because I am mentally drained from today's events. I'm living in an abusive and toxic household and it's just getting to bad now. Being here had also made all my mental health issues worse and it's just making me feel constantly suicidal. I don't know who or where I can go. I have no friends or other family I can stay with (maybe I can for a few weeks but not for long) I am searching for work but it's so difficult with my health issues. I don't have a lot of money but I am desperate I need to leave here before things get any worse. Who do I talk to?,0.6526381647549542,2.6349885547445275,3.0410271115745573,90.68936131386863,83.16058394160585,5.958081334723673,20.00469238790407,7.1686216300943375,0.4497115745568303,500,14,110,7,14,172,87,137,0.21600000000000005,0.768,0.015,-0.9741,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,3,0,15,2,0,3,1,23,25,11,1,1,8,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,5,2,0,0,2,1,16,1,14,21,4,17,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,7,79,23,1,0.0,0.3538154977808656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940302767953233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153581344284976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466748241307014,0.09101789458355353,0.0,0.12705167939133613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135089722813287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075603195284142,0.0,0.07549554299127023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535641449332842,0.0,0.15601646109272546,0.0,0.16971244949816305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31741876260139323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31168136881485553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205678504442672,0.0,0.0,0.15809756533141173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318433270471237,0.13213451274367094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693788933582315,0.0,0.14128058381652056,0.09966547975983364,0.0,0.15000180612226274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009384078333532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869273395704436,0.0,0.11071135685008708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275097902954605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914442656661604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332073451539972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000959622455835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919482532419326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152827303161666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976735000083814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869934413640996,0.0,0.3043189722775782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mace00,2019/11/01,So I saw my doctor today about clingy ness to my fiancé. I don’t know how to feel. She immediately said that’s it’s due to my diagnosis of BPD that it ruins relationships and has made a referral for the full dbt therapy immediately. She said it is sensitivity to rejection and fear of abandonment and to have someone go to those extents and label it as a major symptom I know something is not right. I have very mixed feelings. Like hey someone thinks it’s an actual problem I don’t overreact and I’m not bat crap crazy. Another part of me is very concerned that it sounds so stupid and that I need therapy for it.,5.059207317073174,5.746420398373985,6.811128048780488,73.61474085365855,68.59349593495935,10.377642276422764,31.63516260162601,10.411451182825502,3.297569918699187,491,20,96,13,8,171,76,123,0.172,0.773,0.055,-0.9440000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,4,0,8,3,1,2,0,18,20,10,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,12,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,6,12,1,13,16,4,5,0,3,1,0,6,2,1,0,3,62,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.17224617386990396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508384261109787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230542435344994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066323630770328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986203731800769,0.17849531773901253,0.12609722415198418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031346354096554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400816708928695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862328066541334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701597007918104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308783143698865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114077194859685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889414888675802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950334589291787,0.0,0.15073671657845333,0.33579871946930745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991090115918645,0.13588434568057856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834592119286547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037041572449488,0.0,0.0,0.11309908602403952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673087778622459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29127487904615057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UhOhAmLo,2019/11/01,"We broke up! Me and my therapist that is... (as if I’d get in a real relationship, lol)

I thought I had this shit kind of figured out, really trying to do the right things.  The last two sessions have been me trying to figure out why it feels so difficult, and quite honestly emotionally turbulent for me.  We discussed that actually psychodynamic psychotherapy probably wasn’t helping me, so now (with my agreement) I’ve been put back on a waiting list for another type of therapy.

Then he said some nice things like “I can see you’re really trying and that you want this to work” and “it’s an achievement to be able to express that you’re finding it difficult, a lot of people would have just stopped attending” and of course this made me cry because that’s the sort of weirdo I am.

Even though I know it’s the right thing, I feel like I’ve been demoted for underperformance.  At least I wasn’t completely dismissed, so silver linings...",6.204184865413919,6.721595502793299,6.841279837480958,74.99751142712037,66.0391061452514,10.754900964956832,33.59116302691721,10.637119530657019,3.5701016759776536,741,31,141,19,11,244,115,179,0.12,0.8,0.08,-0.8528,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,1,0,3,8,10,1,0,8,1,14,1,1,1,0,28,24,12,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,10,0,2,7,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,9,4,17,6,21,13,3,15,0,1,1,0,9,8,1,4,7,94,32,4,0.1485041493088517,0.0,0.14491862774436254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557195488656391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419052420442767,0.0,0.0905267510529958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557037751406548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312483479813705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670471798604148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808559004250783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501763198819674,0.10609139393877573,0.0,0.0,0.1357301020887859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758728873114712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953920094860462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464421907097758,0.08161399674112292,0.12105070227149076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510325223596116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625291718375134,0.0,0.14051821675614865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295407871456172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601125901116202,0.0,0.0,0.14928768717666202,0.0,0.15795244252702148,0.0,0.1690302336092986,0.1902711214266413,0.0,0.0,0.15943788023128558,0.0,0.25364346419374595,0.14126145310072696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833858010212857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524373752035677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415611839782645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982743699961686,0.17242476330388484,0.2959786742691117,0.0,0.14590457269919746,0.11789570647678102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024737079369965,0.0,0.1450669753778918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875915948721964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340018964084171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811278937272603,0.0,0.0,0.10549308687681287,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,triggering-my-bpd,2019/11/01,"Feeling really empty today I just don’t want to do anything, and I want to reach out to friends, but anytime I hang out with others I just go mostly mute and feel guilty about not talking. I desperately want meaningful conversation, but don’t even feel capable anymore. The only thing I feel like I’m good about talking about is myself and my feelings, but none of my friends get it and it’s so frustrating. I’m just so bored and all of my regular activities make me feel worse because almost everything feels like a distraction.",4.748440594059407,6.655812693069308,5.573353960396037,77.59092202970297,70.5841584158416,9.010396039603961,31.43688118811881,9.516144504307137,3.1310485148514857,426,19,76,10,8,139,64,101,0.175,0.568,0.257,0.6376,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,30,19,10,0,3,7,0,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,7,11,5,11,19,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426694822262195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259202853503844,0.0,0.0,0.14321271783839806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608770692630212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494586085422795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640787751962268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159672614953006,0.2486556200606571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689119002110731,0.0,0.09092403573942168,0.0,0.09890585080265783,0.14596897983547685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004555137795946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616707083599212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323584483584587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114887407956986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797591161796732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561849025125945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496107737781973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079440498390044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735249804894315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MissBrightPaw,2019/11/01,"Break up advice for someone with BPD (24F) who still has to live with them~ Hi ya'll

I'm currently going through a break up after almost four years with him. We were engaged to be married.  
We've been through a lot together and he was my first non-abusive relationship. I even broke my self harming streak (almost two years clean for the first time since I was 14). Being my first non-abusive, long term, real relationship and him also being my FP I guess I just wanted advice on how to deal?  


I guess I want advice on how to handle things?  We still have to live together (in separate rooms) because of financial and locational issues.  I'm having panic attacks whenever I lay in bed at night because it's where we used to sleep together and it's really hard. He is being super supportive to me because he knows he is my FP and that I'm struggling but I don't know how to separate myself from him, to stop wanting to be near him all the time and wondering what he is doing. Sometimes I stop myself from doing something too ""involved"" incase he wants to hang out and it makes no sense and it's frustrating and I just feel like I'm falling apart.   


Has anyone been through anything similiar? Or even just break up advice in general. We didn't have the most perfect relationship, but it was ours and I thought we went together really well and now I feel so alone and broken and worthless.

​

Thanks in advance, hope this all makes sense <3",3.6806904761904735,5.728533592857147,4.637142857142859,82.59619047619049,73.78571428571428,7.523809523809526,27.023809523809533,8.344100000000001,1.9620952380952383,1146,43,213,20,24,372,153,280,0.128,0.7759999999999999,0.096,-0.8238,1,1,1,0,0,0,35.0,6,0,1,6,16,15,2,2,5,0,23,1,1,6,3,58,47,21,0,5,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,10,22,0,2,6,0,0,5,3,7,1,5,9,3,31,8,35,33,5,40,0,2,0,0,25,15,0,9,18,146,41,0,0.0,0.2277017373899911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37559191743298936,0.0,0.0,0.19244039378423666,0.0995202008491119,0.0,0.07684309201484914,0.0,0.10411341216521706,0.11675979727116527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718832174832702,0.0,0.07907383498942366,0.0,0.0,0.10931618118130358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757266105660254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210219183403236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906451105350007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693300107830904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717192385371344,0.06864667386613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452021670959857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461012851304885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117078090911972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607771417137687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543899393505056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002929346458256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105617038464636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469446920402664,0.0,0.1696983587219814,0.08503657502178788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081692232600526,0.0,0.0,0.12828156506121485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017390138934213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274084336935675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937139092346618,0.12311535491988272,0.0,0.0,0.3094939116115395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024276609209856,0.0,0.0,0.07948659310616564,0.0,0.0961593371493247,0.0,0.08141669615351375,0.07397473199096087,0.09503540979218296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347510383854182,0.16067098850748815,0.0,0.10045407089033016,0.0,0.0,0.10904172762573806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846670863374521,0.0,0.0,0.0638378878485548,0.0,0.0,0.07628468071028506,0.11206163599602867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386591105833636,0.0,0.0,0.08299085812688244,0.0,0.0,0.2267053499203081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639639792405142,0.08907633904983797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420544333080944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675979727116527,0.12375754461426038
bpd,sniffing_dog,2019/11/01,"What's going on? My dad left when I was 2 and my mum didn't know what to tell me so she didn't tell me anything and I sat by the door every day for two weeks until I finally gave up waiting. Then my mum met my step dad and we never connected and I always felt uncomfortable in my own home because he rarely spoke to me and was always in a bad mood. I was only diagnosed with bpd last year, I'm 43 now and have destroyed my whole life. I have no job (I'm scared of people), no car (I was banned for drink driving), no friends (I always relied on girlfriends, who were also FP, and I didn't care for friendships outside of that) and I'm very much alone now, living in a house that's falling apart because my disability payments won't stretch anymore. Recently, though, I've regressed to some dependent, child like state along with severe depression and relentless suicidal thoughts, and I've taken to staying at my mum and step dad's place as much as possible. I just want to be around my mum all the time. I want to be cocooned in that house, it eases my mental torture and gives me a strange sense of comfort and security. I'm worried in case I've chosen my mum as a new FP. I've opened up to her in ways I never have. I've told her about all my problems and I pretty much beg her to let me stay at her place. Things are still strained between me and step dad. While I've been staying there, it's become apparent that the lifelong disconnection is still there, and he's started complaining about me sleeping so much. But I'm so depressed and the only relief I can get from the dark thoughts is by being unconscious. I'm trying to understand why I'm craving being at their place. I want to give up my home and my life and move back in with them. I've never felt this way before. I left home at 21 and have never struggled getting by on my own, but now I'm incapable of looking after myself. My appetite has disappeared and I'm relying on them to prepare me an evening meal (I can't eat a thing during the day). I'm not keeping myself clean, I can't organise my mind to motivate to get anything done and I feel like I've just given up living. All I can think about is being at 'home' with my mum and withdrawing from the world altogether. I simply can't survive on my own. It feels like there's a parasite in my brain, encouraging me to destroy myself. I'm a 43 year old man... What the fuck has happened to me?",3.402999105745586,4.43971111468813,4.704428236083167,85.92336714732843,72.66197183098592,7.614777554214175,27.68885535434832,7.984000788550335,1.6275947238989503,1892,69,398,26,36,628,231,497,0.122,0.809,0.069,-0.9690000000000001,2,1,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,3,2,22,22,4,3,16,0,32,9,2,2,7,63,75,37,1,4,5,10,4,3,2,1,3,1,6,2,14,31,3,4,10,1,0,9,15,12,0,1,21,6,63,9,64,47,12,74,0,2,1,1,36,32,1,2,30,255,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975242469298309,0.0,0.06157968791061695,0.1922192942474135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636680135319254,0.0,0.0,0.12673467328991347,0.0685494593706087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921095449331596,0.06429472358275176,0.09388126334249436,0.08504433906787888,0.06552432478041237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698323904380604,0.0859613960119759,0.0,0.0,0.07851022165924265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099321801385175,0.0,0.1326460395789942,0.07815695288778081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880133701848686,0.0,0.07543413501809729,0.0,0.07879382591712722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050860099372691946,0.0,0.06487878756398234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787058781327537,0.1100226615545694,0.1478709118193337,0.08435359333603773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059492729297052925,0.07118851433186939,0.12069348453367346,0.14773758793018762,0.04376287552227065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680939592984695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30896324012273674,0.0,0.0,0.17770344905072852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641411273880717,0.0684442675490033,0.0,0.0,0.04231912131697607,0.06276814712532215,0.0,0.0,0.1673291017176193,0.07874131735471145,0.10877972827188533,0.11286009226467633,0.0,0.13599103959825287,0.0,0.06466356379456276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760143773084782,0.0,0.07775160495793063,0.0,0.0,0.08184255642985244,0.22642579224885634,0.0,0.2375594499986277,0.07437048040604201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080224188665283,0.0,0.0,0.11712929524036733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338454580308174,0.0,0.2413568701941205,0.0,0.0,0.08680989991827481,0.0,0.07834026410663747,0.0,0.07368197002940305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603168719810259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709395787822983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869920605315389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705913200633505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450348848770409,0.24622652317466,0.12299022265528613,0.0,0.0,0.0805007993897767,0.0,0.08422935377973688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460894281587832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023154354545578,0.04934074698090104,0.07565556839893997,0.12226438856970134,0.044901372331914435,0.0,0.0,0.07358016421398775,0.0,0.05228033610453642,0.0,0.07522125095253991,0.08016338101978214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353596927323497,0.13625601530709558,0.12224362147708458,0.06176757975290004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948370055690814,0.0859716812248097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820081339951424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917548570869243
bpd,KonradsDancingTeeth,2019/11/01,"I got way to drunk and tried to kill myself last night, because I am so lonely Long story short, the night started well did a fair bit of drinking, ran into the girl i have a crush on. (Im pretty sure she dies not like me) she told me that she was into my roommate. After that I excused myself and went down to the river rapids near my campus in pouring rain and tried to will myself to throw myself in and to hopefully die. I am so tired of feeling lonely and jealous of happy people. Its not like I haven’t tried to put myself out there. No one wants me drunk or sober and nothing makes me feel good anymore as well I’m screwing up in school. I truly feel like their is no point to my life as it has only gotten worse with pockets of manic euphoria and immense sadness. I am going to the walk-in counselling centre and I’m going to try medication. I hope it works because i don’t want to live a life i cannot control.",3.0896428571428567,4.09123141666667,4.447113095238095,87.60562500000003,73.375,6.110714285714287,24.130952380952376,5.773587663045528,0.5337577380952379,720,20,149,3,14,239,115,192,0.209,0.636,0.155,-0.8966,0,4,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,2,5,16,3,0,7,0,12,8,0,2,1,25,30,13,3,4,3,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,12,3,1,3,3,0,6,7,6,2,1,7,3,27,10,29,22,1,25,0,3,0,1,7,12,1,3,9,99,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852278246226148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579990384833012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148347689950733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535109480817804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689969715455006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695313609274894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965804074622727,0.09258223695593999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473029230243302,0.10869760093134677,0.10364844867305156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795560643122265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25743288213971266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998414772380496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433769587683074,0.0,0.0,0.10563670044574616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307265860634306,0.18993977526593586,0.0,0.11443419450206138,0.11468693084739795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650524187622796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305526840735225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432310565243207,0.0,0.1243492839722864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781649252786275,0.09856235082122107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984441204187317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250855916653605,0.0,0.0,0.13184405452897185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302781263932695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115641142616816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172755530170862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221411509801914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489496531663806,0.0,0.12383296499580942,0.0,0.3519442556270612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528762228628319,0.10286597115568184,0.0,0.0,0.2330417872930847,0.12013527043076055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434623782443308,0.0,0.13206772479214202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Intelligenttooth6,2019/11/01,"very bad psychotic feeling and dissociation when im away from my FP   Ive been dissociated for the last couple years. It got really worse for the last couple months because Ive been abusing alot of drugs esp psychedelics It almost feels like im dreaming throughout the day objects around me everything kind of doesnt make sense to me. when my FP is with me i tend to ignore myself dissociating and just feel calmer even though this is dangerous and i should seek help. when my FP is not around I have really bad paranoia and delusions with hallucinations. last time i was at the mall all by myself waiting for my FP but time wasnt going fast and everything around me looked like a blur and i thought i was falling into psychosis again. voices faces everything around me almost made me puke. i almost broke down in the middle of the mall cause of peoples voices and faces looking at me. 

  I also suspect my psychosis symptoms still might be around me and I just dont know it , I live in a bubble full of paranoia delusions and a dissociate state of mind. Or everything thats happening to me is my symptoms of BPD getting severe? I seem to feel my symtoms get severe whenever im in relationships only.",4.679454106280193,6.502350230434786,5.348985507246379,79.47164251207731,70.6086956521739,7.893719806763285,28.86473429951691,8.515128840125781,2.205966183574879,963,37,175,16,18,311,126,230,0.155,0.804,0.04,-0.9773,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,15,8,1,0,10,0,17,5,2,3,1,44,35,16,0,1,5,0,4,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,17,0,2,8,3,0,2,4,5,0,0,8,8,31,3,31,24,3,32,0,1,2,0,2,15,0,8,16,116,36,0,0.0,0.11134995251166707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28231969972851645,0.0,0.0,0.07515511075831803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183069439145932,0.0,0.0,0.08829652671384053,0.0,0.15693736801819855,0.0572888316264065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836347859731552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965424985077967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797233500111012,0.0,0.06060879193357791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014289092937488,0.0,0.1089860043600138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207235748063455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378496838088875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900747746697506,0.06713874002626267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820047817392602,0.0,0.053410529812244784,0.0,0.07516372987290372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310547238363884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299225871956153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30454090150033364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786484685800698,0.05164849575705116,0.22981670787996986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182695379096867,0.0,0.08298533160788726,0.0,0.1578376722552389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892536588961668,0.06273182779112374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969705123228337,0.09489217436002627,0.0,0.07501327933882737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147539599105243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515332553222279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041092949858685,0.0,0.0,0.10089846116419322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555510956111702,0.0,0.21233943094456365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505188901951695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953606896255719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233406039275388,0.07460896585000149,0.10960002316685004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754266008619702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957728062338716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051950623528333
bpd,styix,2019/11/01,"A lonely life on top of an impossibly tall mountain. A BPD analogy. You are standing on top of a mountain. It is cold and you are alone. You have an isolated small cabin on top of the mountain to get out of the cold when the weather gets bad. You see people all around you skiing and snowboarding, having a good time. You want to go down and join them. You take a small step towards them but your footstep has caused a massive avalanche. The avalanche is heading towards the other people. You are scared they will be caught by it so you run towards them, warning them to watch out. Every step you take as you run towards them is causing another avalanche. You do not know what to do. You run back inside the cabin so you do not have to face the other people who will blame you for the avalanche.



You decide to go back out the next day but this time you do not walk towards the others, afraid to cause more avalanches and ruin more people’s lives. As you look out, you see the people from the day before. Unhurt. You do not understand. You shout out at the people, asking how the avalanche did not harm them. Your words do not come out right, they only hear someone shouting at them and choose to ignore you. You go back inside.


Most days you do not go out since you always cause involuntary avalanches. The weather outside always looks like a huge blizzard.


There is a guide that is willing to show you how to get down the mountain and join the others without causing an avalanche. The guide is not free. The last time you trusted the guide to take you down, they left in the middle of the journey and you were lost and afraid. You ran back up causing multiple avalanches despite the guide telling you this path does not cause avalanches. You do not trust this guide anymore.


As you are sitting in your cabin, alone and cold, you wonder if you should just jump off the mountain. At least you won’t be suffering in your cabin.


 This is an analogy I thought of that helps explain my thoughts and maybe how other with BPD think. In this scenario, the guide is your therapist. There are no avalanches. Only you see the avalanches, they are an illusion of your mind. But they look so real…. They can’t really be fake right? The guide tries to show you that you are in fact not even standing on top of a mountain. You are told the way you perceive the world is wrong. You get angry and push everyone away, going back inside your cabin.",3.264488670244482,5.515225750000003,3.2281554362949727,91.30340787119856,75.6880341880342,5.5500695686742185,24.558934605446233,6.388778183573513,0.6840743788511228,1913,64,374,14,43,578,191,468,0.114,0.825,0.061,-0.9852,0,4,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,49,13,5,18,17,0,3,43,0,40,3,2,10,2,66,73,25,0,3,17,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,0,0,17,21,0,1,10,3,1,17,15,12,0,0,8,13,64,6,59,57,5,79,0,4,7,0,69,44,0,3,15,271,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621376432833994,0.0,0.0,0.12550213842617372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907888528728102,0.0,0.0,0.07479111484710994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713506913538106,0.07050256141840956,0.0,0.07085459029049726,0.28994623443996465,0.06296812188454648,0.0,0.0,0.06417235255495325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996434159977504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5423016739596214,0.0,0.0649630837542602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590872190386536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659959095171665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981069608671524,0.0,0.06354013479492418,0.07206197476761944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760426613142833,0.0,0.21429955106330306,0.06325426978091456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739723621780209,0.0,0.0849978444430195,0.0,0.050548881696248125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414459451824928,0.06147304348493585,0.0,0.0,0.08193828890348714,0.0,0.05326763073781583,0.03684381158938404,0.0,0.06659255907374473,0.0,0.18998805529964946,0.0,0.08232405035276906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576419951686211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761473456124087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020438577414953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147125507033841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31369833164176425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858384355146403,0.04831258597391112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880747828361935,0.0,0.0,0.07550326785355004,0.0,0.18028724850141575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062383816636258416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389862800116403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701073999089854,0.0,0.06591576917716177,0.0,0.0,0.08756227575356926,0.0,0.048322692697623265,0.0,0.11974169095987584,0.1319247487925065,0.0,0.0,0.07206197476761944,0.0,0.05120162888263263,0.0,0.0,0.07850935917368386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448154219227152,0.05986067617874016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269707668617373,0.08178402187355771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245413232429175,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bia888,2019/11/01,"I can’t stop hating my life *first time ever posting on reddit btw

I’m broke most of the time and don’t make enough money to save any... Other than that, I have pretty much everything I want and need in order to be happy/content like my own apartment, 3 pets I love, a job, an amazing partner, but I just can’t do it. The littlest things set me off into a downward spiral of feeling like nothing is worth it. It’s not fair to my (21) boyfriend (26) who doesn’t have BPD, but has  treated his general depression/anxiety. He’s older and has healed and learned a lot more than me. I can’t help but feel like I’m holding him back. I literally want to just lay down and die, but if I do that, my life will really be shitty. I went back to therapy last week and am considering getting on medication.. I haven’t taken anything besides THC in like 7 years, so I’m very on the fence about it, especially considering meds only made things worse for me when I was a teenager. Ugh, I’m just rambling at this point, but if anyone wants to share some insight on their own therapy/medication journey, I would greatly appreciate it.",5.477712820512822,5.277397920000002,6.578666666666668,78.72369230769233,67.57777777777778,9.411965811965812,32.41880341880342,9.057496981413335,2.6103572649572646,872,34,177,14,13,294,143,225,0.12300000000000001,0.725,0.152,0.4176,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,1,9,13,1,0,8,0,19,5,0,2,1,38,36,15,1,7,11,0,2,4,1,2,4,0,1,1,12,7,0,3,4,0,2,2,7,3,0,1,4,2,22,10,22,28,8,30,0,1,0,1,9,13,0,5,16,114,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505774313868134,0.0,0.10693418586341988,0.0,0.0,0.09774004787665644,0.0,0.1150301155996584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497015026192756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605273929918586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450734631099392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443397992130935,0.0,0.0,0.12644240431270706,0.0,0.0,0.12562862086090176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135772769120036,0.19972307733421946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188999860282927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303123982113892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411207744910466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380075132423828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936941008632485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871380252321036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139424126384964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746679252315197,0.2731651172808037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883914522281068,0.1261602915647057,0.13226676373132942,0.09330673831786666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105364677007115,0.14081742175777673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275713970378424,0.10364787915855883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341262777603385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631184049202334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214082550287765,0.0,0.13387419235002004,0.14221032654070812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954904938163985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686547379420616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985489997860128,0.0,0.1857322240622191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301805704294162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153362327848165,0.24734423161481334,0.0,0.11212609232887323,0.0,0.0,0.12958093634218856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245158293468446,0.09929836514676284,0.0,0.0,0.09001615177265865
bpd,Royallyscrew-ed,2019/11/01,"Giving up I've been doing this for more than half my life now. I'm so incredibly tired. For 6 years, I had a therapist who could only see me only once every 2-3 months. He would bring up painful issues like trauma and then leave me alone for 2-3 months. Every time the session would be over and he would leave, I experienced it as someone abandoning me. I would be a mess and I ended up cutting myself into pieces.   

Now I have access to weekly appointments with a great therapist who very clearly speaks my language and understands how BPD works. But... it feels like it came too late. I'm done. I'm tired, more tired than I have ever been in my life and I don't think I can get up again. I find it hard to hold onto hope. I think that this is it for me, I don't think I'm going to be able to get up this time.   

I've fallen down way too many times... I think this may be it and I don't know what to do. I think this is it for me. how do I tell anyone that. How do I strive for a different future...",0.4040708748615742,2.175909641860468,2.5079734219269127,95.31682170542636,82.81395348837209,5.583610188261352,16.749723145071982,6.655083550727371,-0.3819346622369886,763,14,183,8,21,257,111,215,0.146,0.772,0.08199999999999999,-0.8632,1,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,0,5,0,26,6,0,3,2,33,46,13,0,6,1,0,2,2,0,5,6,1,0,0,17,9,0,2,9,0,0,4,3,5,0,1,5,5,25,4,25,31,3,30,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,2,17,120,42,2,0.1099961792607641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392286860216976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769118860776824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853633718013386,0.0,0.0,0.1258063257578042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782299866915279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149225958341508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256428124149846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742396622932166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949784154146928,0.18535305024700893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055617373249631216,0.07858129244216573,0.0,0.0,0.10053451509553213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493692747774595,0.1055183581073811,0.06251336353683802,0.0,0.0,0.12127117595561772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853497116619216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925102514685156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148074332436835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045102347311235,0.0,0.1240804813024743,0.2329401432853285,0.0,0.0,0.15538710877072634,0.10747715413036812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151886118740456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559580172235745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714234102577507,0.0,0.16731410189096288,0.11704369004072447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765271361749184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319940573655204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614150895176182,0.0,0.0,0.255428084153046,0.0,0.3524055510962197,0.0,0.0,0.19241897007838,0.3792732809058211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450990183406695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075836762193246,0.0,0.08730984719648639,0.0882323001357323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800785285500085,0.0,0.0,0.3125525192091482,0.0,0.0,0.0708339330775344
bpd,allmyfault2019,2019/11/01,"Local Hospitals using Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) instead of BPD... Sounds less scary to others maybe? I was recently discharge after attempting suicide and received my discharge summary and all of their terminology is EUPD Borderline type etc and from what I can tell is it's an alternative name for BPD? And I don't know, it sounds less scary than BPD to me? Thought you might all find it interesting... if I had anyone left in my life I would see what they thought. But I don't anymore",5.207826086956524,7.702250000000002,6.338478260869567,70.10163043478265,70.73913043478261,9.817391304347826,33.23913043478261,10.125756701596842,4.0098652173913045,408,20,67,12,8,136,66,92,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,2,16,14,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,12,1,9,8,5,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,2,49,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736217623768453,0.12241256693437914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6614811902068702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006446536236739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692946607831474,0.0,0.0,0.19524861366726345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600102232042158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621354168431123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902133716638437,0.0,0.12365666623962585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758807028358775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572092476150492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528638122334305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285987227312008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950761345059076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914974647093733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301833695565506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779710324807461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120371682228426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436425021340343,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alilcookie,2019/11/01,"Retroactive jealousy I have a boyfriend and not too long ago I realised he was becomming my FP, I spoke to him about this and with what he understands about what an FP is he wasn't too fond of it but was also understanding of it. I hadn't struggled too much with jealousy, I got the occasional ""why won't he message me back"" and ""I wish he were spending time with me right now instead of his friends"" but I never let it create an argument, I forced myself to understand that he's probably just busy and that he has the right to spend time with others. 

Recently I've been getting more and more jealousy when it comes to girls in his life or even girls who were in his life (it's probably got to do with the fact that my life is falling apart elsewhere). I get pangs of jealousy and an ache in my chest when I see girls in his friends list or messages, there's nothing ever innapropriate in there so there's really nothing I should be worried about, we've had our complications in that area but whatever mistakes were made are dealt with and most of the time it's just miscommunication or misunderstanding. 

An issue has come up and it's caused me to spiral out of control, I'm obsessing about what his thoughts are and if he's thinking of someone else, I'm uncomfortable with these pretty girls in his contacts and worst of all, he had a crush on a girl 2 years ago (before we were dating) and I'm getting jealousy over that. 

I don't know what to do about it because it was a long time ago, before me and it was just a crush, nothing ever even came of it but in my mind I think ""but he's supposed to be mine"". My mind tortures itself with intrusive thoughts and images of what he was doing and thinking and saying those two years ago to her, I'm plagued with images of him lusting over her despite him reassuring me it's nothing like that and that I'm the one he's with now. 

To make the jealousy and insecurity worse, the first time we dated in early highschool he dumped me because another girl asked him out and he liked the affection, this was like 5 years ago and completely irrelevant to our relationship now but I sit there worrying that if a pretty girl came and gave him attention he'd leave me again. 

None of it makes sense and it's all so irrational but it's plaguing my mind with intrusive thoughts that I can't shake and it's having an impact on our relationship, it's not his fault and it's not fair on him when I'm upset and complaining over something so small that happened years ago. I also don't want to be that girl that tells him he cant be friends with other girls but I also can't control the pain it puts in my chest.

I don't know what to do, I can't let go of the past

TL:DR My boyfriend has become my FP, never had too much of a problem with jealousy before but now it's getting worse. I get aches in my chest when I see girls in his messages or friends list and I can't let go of the past, I'm getting jealous over things that happened years ago even if they're as small as a crush and it's having an impact on our relationship",4.848772016056358,5.142669811501602,5.448274760383388,84.59023306299666,68.93610223642172,8.401343491439338,29.94904562955681,8.222332236545338,1.8741417711149333,2426,87,516,31,39,784,222,626,0.175,0.75,0.075,-0.9958,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,6,0,0,3,38,23,3,5,25,0,48,8,3,7,7,104,92,54,0,8,22,0,0,3,4,2,4,2,0,10,49,47,0,2,12,0,2,9,17,14,0,3,26,4,65,9,71,56,9,79,0,0,2,1,68,29,0,8,43,349,114,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917295397175065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145626985595606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619781435090034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901847825856341,0.0,0.0,0.048543443498150866,0.0,0.07696751119112348,0.13944531391890302,0.1611581700523759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440890547688215,0.0,0.06485239464102471,0.0,0.1087626397970529,0.06619110879513848,0.0,0.14161240629920505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527374166066839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509126299360612,0.1142102696964307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369875535429234,0.0,0.0,0.1950978137674362,0.0,0.19789842596496915,0.0,0.07175701501220584,0.0,0.10098242634595304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165215268211164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589182092181911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693897233078356,0.0,0.0,0.0668460646371267,0.0,0.1936655838106726,0.13377277832195475,0.09252709332130198,0.0,0.0,0.11173697913871344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973558807166356,0.08428017329868888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912313696577169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281633564779962,0.0,0.0973802384807187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423015987342652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042778848126457686,0.0,0.06717528339670144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205303760004165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845279110371596,0.13613067328619294,0.06040734488342926,0.0,0.06346357071149096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044300302785469,0.0,0.0623337344103584,0.20333553377730065,0.0,0.10782617260537054,0.0,0.050203892798759926,0.0,0.0,0.10061364052511003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349025214925026,0.0486009289717283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599768641079304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517882346134148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194108676746379,0.12135439043602855,0.0,0.15035565181707847,0.18405945736187848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061669307254404226,0.1971631731216468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037235993671237734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056965440278579936,0.0,0.07259693819564132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282241368764723,0.1286707081701605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326980151303956
bpd,ckhor,2019/11/01,"She allows herself to get used. My friend with BPD, allows others to use her if it means felling the least bit of love. She gains friends and hangs out with them everyday for a month before they have some sort of falling out. It’s happened so many time with others. 

There’s this guy she’s really into and she spends all her time hanging out with him. She has to kids and to jobs and the moments that she should be hanging with her kids she spends with him.

I told her she is neglecting her duties as a mother, she couldn’t see any correlation. 

The dude has nothing she’s the one with the money & car. And it’s her moms car that the 3 of them share. She moved back to her moms with her 2 little ones earlier this year. It’s so hard to explain but what do I do. She refuses to live in the moment or truth it’s like some utopia where everything is alright no matter how much it isn’t!",2.4938224637681152,3.996409288043482,3.302695652173913,93.23215942028985,75.68478260869566,6.4284057971014485,21.505797101449275,7.0316486544052195,0.3380518840579714,695,17,156,7,15,220,107,184,0.040999999999999995,0.8490000000000001,0.11,0.8925,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,1,6,8,0,0,9,1,11,1,0,5,2,38,20,12,0,3,3,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,13,17,0,3,2,0,3,8,3,1,0,2,1,2,29,7,25,16,6,23,0,1,1,1,39,7,0,5,9,109,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182967144341786,0.0,0.11483523797027573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984817199909401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369323830393466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435884685798426,0.0,0.2126818662551868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176662201407412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260932194475308,0.0,0.08822595116622403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720471509849158,0.1493283838227112,0.0,0.1512715146480136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757427639824427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824998054139436,0.16924893081257775,0.1491125084133113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240891089846387,0.0,0.0,0.17120446521659224,0.0,0.18394548749070666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955495906494108,0.13478789600279026,0.17947872036666251,0.12413655322968807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203228181217094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288570743712893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818041809334752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345650036225505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693521806705366,0.0,0.0,0.16135949674072547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916934524027243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087447047306904
bpd,tryin2Balivetbh,2019/11/01,"Has anyone tried Xanax I’m on a few medications right now, taking 2100mg a day of gabapentin. But my anxiety is still so much even after doubling my dose. I want to ask my doctor about it but figured I’d ask here first.  Does anyone here have experience with Xanax ? Did you like it ? Hate it ?",1.688022598870056,3.9124561355932213,3.0450000000000017,90.74569209039551,80.86440677966101,5.967231638418079,20.002824858757066,7.1686216300943375,0.3562519774011297,228,6,49,3,6,74,47,59,0.115,0.812,0.073,-0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,7,2,1,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,5,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,1,6,9,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189408401017852,0.0,0.0,0.3507902885679136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690083833163226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177287840120413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25674827318157883,0.21951425739302455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567932833565688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453724279263091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21336678933399195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476553697616816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254913978370753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526977686574155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439834782254547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421841254223556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003234139601542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860259593496093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030582082607387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795360460170834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,limpcan,2019/11/01,"Decision Making I have a terribly hard time making even the smallest and most insignificant decisions. Every choice is a struggle and it almost begins to haunt me so much that i just want to sleep and pretend like it doesn’t exist. 
A very common one is whether i should go out or not. For some background, i’m a high school senior so i don’t often go out for fun but sometimes i feel very empty and hollow and caged in my home, and i think i want to go out. but then i always get stuck in this loop because i keep wondering if i really want to go out or is it just too pointless. I also have very bad anxiety so that always pushes me to stay home. 

I’m on 20 mg Prozac, and i’ve noticed it’s helped a lot with my other symptoms (anger, mood swings, anxiety etc.) despite the side effects, but the decision making problem persists and it’s honestly exhausting. It might sound quite stupid and unproblematic but i’m just tired of it. 

Does anybody else also face this issue, if so, any advice is welcome :))",3.4009500000000017,5.028225795000001,4.743000000000002,83.32150000000003,73.55,7.4,26.0,8.07648339933343,1.6254,789,27,153,12,16,262,120,200,0.193,0.732,0.075,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,13,12,2,1,8,0,10,6,2,4,0,49,30,25,0,7,13,0,2,1,0,2,4,1,2,0,12,14,0,1,7,1,0,5,3,7,0,1,1,3,15,4,16,27,5,20,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,11,6,99,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275997663227778,0.0,0.0,0.13075547229960266,0.0,0.0,0.20884710515878094,0.21730348930156956,0.0,0.0,0.08879783502808188,0.0,0.1997843391107871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109027565361586,0.07959942126610192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427009609200466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908155339822094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562950714021086,0.0862458456877248,0.0,0.11001798993051667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602439616704885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822185938154117,0.0,0.2968430070485796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697265786691112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087523993699506,0.13796331923943106,0.26196169747470394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628999380069132,0.0,0.11606414085007027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637940430174617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101314279025072,0.0,0.0,0.2614864212819749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852311793995042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599019751670462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486644497152292,0.0,0.0,0.08848334837905512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494595754831515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888627247163382,0.0,0.0,0.08365190936956557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215237947115907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306727688270465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914544237002126,0.0,0.0,0.13917927139920133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650896493601752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572102442017905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366940888276582,0.0,0.0,0.0761413539703904,0.150080738511375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32322273073467345,0.2310556883518343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416067769450341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spadesofmoonlight,2019/11/01,"After 6 years of being suicidal on a daily basis, I've been feeling genuinely happy for an entire month in a row now.  I told my therapist that I'm finally seeing the good things in my life. I used to be a very negative person, I didn't really enjoy anything, and I cried on a daily basis because of how unhappy I was. I gradually started being kinder to myself, I took care of myself when I wasn't feeling well, just like a friend would. I made some new friends on Reddit, and started spending more time with my friends in real life. I love to draw, so even though I was feeling miserable on most days, I forced myself to draw more often. My mood swings stopped being as frequent and severe as they used to be, and me wanting to end everything all the time almost stopped being a thing.


Even though I had a fight with my stepdad, even though he hurt me badly with his words, I didn't think that my only option was suicide. I calmed down and went back to being my happy little self. I'm really proud of how far I've come.",7.184126213592233,5.625836053398062,7.852737864077669,75.45318446601945,64.67961165048544,10.37592233009709,32.73592233009709,9.120678840339163,2.7161646601941745,801,25,155,11,10,269,118,206,0.192,0.623,0.185,-0.4093,0,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,1,1,15,18,1,1,10,0,16,3,0,5,1,31,35,14,2,2,1,0,3,1,3,1,2,0,0,2,4,9,0,2,4,0,1,3,4,4,1,0,12,4,29,13,26,15,5,30,0,2,1,1,11,10,0,5,18,111,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702465470581735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617095510911464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986292225677316,0.0975784260915733,0.07124057314484407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915291698469364,0.0,0.0,0.10066991482481348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837207333746142,0.07536905453268941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035087979295912,0.0,0.0,0.2315671413344253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503183791697107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772732420538042,0.0,0.0,0.12802124986672042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708716935952024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802185461574316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24881256405224406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510772341214196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509215817341405,0.0570949400825131,0.11713067097901675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547634133350517,0.11058165881971288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328151512011487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287013959015728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888203916189141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204309009644598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301936257586286,0.1497350074500169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931272598824112,0.0,0.12191697239859585,0.1320255827557154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543704760734354,0.0,0.0,0.19541081351571535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556653894610388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135690708207807,0.15528146946117422,0.07488316558950839,0.34446145242060194,0.0,0.13629128480071168,0.0,0.0,0.11167069730565812,0.12984268897772422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186981173873345,0.0,0.0964268844535172,0.06893073427227292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050767818135352,0.10833617220148793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301842145559109,0.0,0.0,0.0752580247885043
bpd,hupplefup,2019/11/01,I feel good about myself Is this real or is it a sick joke time will tell,-1.387647058823532,0.43313405882353,0.9132352941176478,103.65455882352943,90.76470588235294,3.4000000000000004,8.5,3.1291,-2.339094117647059,57,0,15,0,2,19,16,17,0.162,0.588,0.25,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758980885114341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576670794899961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6210715296539429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476923971711877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181741180025727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrazyLoveXO,2019/11/01,"DAE have constant night terrors and night sweats? Hey guys

So lately I've been experiencing alot of night terrors, I wake up screaming but barely remember what happens after. I try to wake up but my body doesnt allow me. The dreams arent even scary it's just filled with alot of emotion. Last night I even thought I peed myself because the night sweats are so bad. It's been happening more and more often in the last couple weeks. 

Is this normal or something I need to look into?",3.6357446808510647,5.638394861702133,3.930797872340429,87.80875,73.78723404255321,5.976595744680853,24.51595744680851,6.6274283507984215,0.7886425531914898,383,12,74,3,8,119,65,94,0.151,0.778,0.071,-0.7908,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,5,0,7,5,5,1,0,16,12,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,3,8,0,10,9,4,16,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,4,11,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264718617215455,0.09233524536748446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825000615541144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368621526558008,0.0,0.0,0.16759965281893394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038435778312708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009018148210092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499799900005656,0.2678904060730389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693797504344475,0.17086575546805385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271973941706502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231374167126787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7107258215226191,0.14840930662177873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158698479958345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660968718473415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025096293286508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283878785261066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150080706590022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kikibirb,2019/11/01,"DAE intentionally seek out triggering experiences? sorry for formatting, first time posting, mobile, etc 

i've been really bad about keeping my impulses in check; i'm acting up worse than ever right now and it feels like i'm not in control of my own body.  in the past week alone, i've done a bunch of shit that could be irreversible if i'm unlucky enough for it to come to worst case scenario, all because i can't stop myself from going out and finding things or experiences to ruin my mental state even further. i understand that this is a form of self-harm, but i have no idea how to make myself stop. i recently relapsed on physical self-harm as well. 

i have a pretty clear cut view of myself. i'm fairly anti-drug, i don't like being touched, i'm a wallflower. very quiet all around. i shattered all of these in the past week alone all because i wanna ruin my life even more. why? i don't even want that. i just can't control myself. i have no idea why i continue to do this, it's so fucking stupid and it goes against everything i stand for.

so, DAE intentionally go out and ruin your self-image, seek out things that you know will trigger you, and do other things along those lines?",4.645296610169488,5.538280351694919,5.462500000000002,82.17052966101697,69.63559322033898,8.272881355932205,27.46186440677966,8.472884824447931,1.8106067796610168,937,30,186,14,16,306,138,236,0.196,0.726,0.078,-0.9804,1,2,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,0,3,12,12,4,0,6,0,16,4,2,8,6,43,31,12,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,16,12,0,5,6,0,1,4,7,9,1,1,2,4,24,3,31,25,11,32,0,3,1,1,3,13,2,2,14,126,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23263454435648745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997797752203123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377253282755522,0.1369238929434966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474892842315854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967434428978993,0.0,0.0,0.2519260615226899,0.08966884142798719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493013035370828,0.0,0.0,0.13024168559279478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604424019172327,0.12525316596473854,0.222535228659942,0.10158906335252184,0.0,0.0,0.10093523603019232,0.21971765137692867,0.0,0.0,0.0567863258842932,0.08023289523223498,0.0,0.0,0.10264752546313638,0.09552917218633034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382698493972436,0.0,0.0,0.12765450888854105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535642424506017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982455741233924,0.0,0.0,0.06172156861086527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932649890950295,0.1097360832229516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496649721044832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318010190549395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144214882944499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756006959721433,0.11425766498869824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194741432068195,0.0,0.11089065301823857,0.0,0.0,0.0959104632970609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35148537707775435,0.0,0.11528260210477426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571967011286034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778912162474545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383743941863676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548772864039926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691664353405735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266590526260993,0.06624219923682907,0.0,0.18017349098958693,0.0,0.10097842696065483,0.0,0.20268109817959096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445150036556476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mothhhh444,2019/11/01,"Obtaining a diagnosis? Hey everyone! I've never actually used reddit so please bare with me :) sooo long story short I think I may have BPD.  
I have struggled with mental health issues since early childhood and have been in and out of therapy since I was young teen without any improvement & I'm now 20. I've never really felt able to actually speak truthfully & put words to what I'm actually going through. I can't keep living like this, between whatever this is & my anxiety I have no life.  
I was talking to a friend of mine about whats going on & she suggested I look into BPD. After reading about it I found that I relate to a majority of the symptoms. I want to finally get properly diagnosed so I can get treatment that actually works but I do have some concerns. To get a referral to a psychiatrist I have to see a general practitioner & nearly every interaction I've had talking about mental health with a GP has been a bad one & that was just talking about anxiety/depression let alone anything more complex... that brings me to another concern; I'm worried that if I talk about self harm/suicide the doctor will try to hospitalise me even if i'm not actively suicidal/going to hurt myself. I also tend to go blank when I'm in appointments, do you think it'd be weird if I wrote down my symptoms to show my GP?   
thanks to anyone that can help :)",5.658491817779744,6.3581964812030085,7.058969482529857,72.32240822644849,67.27067669172932,10.770101724900488,33.31623175586024,10.718039707386858,3.7811506413091553,1088,47,198,30,17,373,157,266,0.107,0.813,0.08,-0.7306,0,1,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,1,0,2,13,8,0,1,10,0,24,7,0,1,3,30,48,10,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,2,7,1,0,1,12,7,0,1,5,2,0,5,6,4,0,1,9,4,27,4,36,34,3,23,0,1,2,0,14,8,0,5,11,129,39,3,0.08487531026739897,0.0,0.3313042376411313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790522438273747,0.0,0.06787475495623395,0.0,0.5517741792851802,0.0,0.05771812148023672,0.08899916322999818,0.06492938004062003,0.0,0.0,0.059346790388224525,0.0,0.06984514850495174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086733882919984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379496416139748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310298036430027,0.08614665331016445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687347653352051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056059341953501436,0.0,0.0715111095423988,0.08110199621201421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149360808275326,0.09297675372554526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306139684417444,0.06557445417028214,0.0,0.13303153954641442,0.0,0.192946379109022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804369717316112,0.0,0.0,0.0568901313774821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086077507417123,0.0,0.0,0.08858777262127279,0.0,0.07544107555060474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679075522662137,0.05994994170299262,0.04146578937913141,0.0,0.07494645395388172,0.07511197871639402,0.07127388423149246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106869972702898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309221433502473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057513706827484225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316760309628566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532312953673364,0.0,0.0,0.08489827873174996,0.0,0.05437329711382526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763463343965251,0.0,0.08854345922625644,0.0,0.0,0.14041946746089587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873010269706154,0.0,0.09283981361223984,0.0,0.0,0.17643589108740645,0.0,0.2728782374932951,0.0,0.07814178233665643,0.09706231424740712,0.0,0.0,0.10876934340905613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762476430987499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733050169022507,0.0,0.0,0.050061657039173715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818167703152626,0.0,0.06179023673473295,0.08619499752214686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marianafilipadesousa,2019/11/01,"6 weeks pregnant and my bf wants me to get an abortion Hi, I'm 6 weeks pregnant and already have an 1 year old, I'm scared but I don't want to have an abortion. At all.

It's been more than a week and my boyfriend keeps telling me he wants an abortion and it's all the way I want it, he says hurtful things.

Also, because of that situation yesterday I posted on Facebook group the situation and they made me bullying all of them because I have borderline personally disorder and today I say something the next say another things and two of them posted pictures of our private messages where I contradict myself and where I say that due to my history with drug abuse I sometimes feel the urge to use again but I don't, and saying I'm not responsible for taking care of my child because of my illness. And now I feel awful because of my boyfriend and because of those women on Facebook.

Yesterday I took 4 mg of Xanax to try to forget and now I feel much better but I'm still filling shitty because of all this.",3.1717705013039685,4.980164438423647,4.47099971022892,84.27628223703275,74.56650246305419,7.141002607939727,30.167777455809908,7.928766900206844,2.1003824398725013,803,37,157,12,17,265,107,203,0.205,0.757,0.038,-0.9882,0,0,2,0,1,0,11.0,1,0,3,1,7,4,0,1,9,1,6,3,0,2,4,32,24,16,0,4,4,0,3,0,1,0,3,5,0,3,9,13,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,8,26,2,22,21,6,24,0,1,0,0,19,5,0,0,14,102,35,0,0.0,0.1335640590385234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439797648724528,0.09014841429159108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182049709591759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.412307076042748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969861526553432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493354754468983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919587288694592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072850766764746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099575159045022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058895644625709224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120677486047987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019768524725277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666580947538867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286793429182196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988733853278945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828890701525407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842960326949897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592422301773434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482285214779365,0.11286023508714313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534216343969016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678339993583156,0.1114907178990312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002460000964208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475730781626069,0.0,0.09852910233917192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978273805430875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685281302472888,0.0,0.1252447799399546,0.07653480487423532,0.0,0.11011872135896587,0.0,0.0,0.09736066137722743,0.0,0.0,0.2659592068833825,0.08947811370379398,0.2712704249541984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725930341366308
bpd,emsy6,2019/11/01,Ugh I had a huge ass episode at school and i was shaking and having a massive panic attack because my friend went to the bin to throw away her rubbish without me..I literally freaked the fuck out because I thought she was leaving me forever...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!,4.24722222222222,5.635835759259264,4.75277777777778,85.03250000000003,71.03703703703705,6.881481481481483,35.72222222222222,7.1686216300943375,2.4377555555555563,217,12,42,2,4,69,41,54,0.377,0.517,0.106,-0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,2,5,0,5,3,1,0,0,6,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,8,0,0,5,0,8,1,7,4,0,7,0,0,0,3,3,4,3,0,0,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955647822775089,0.2440945966657368,0.0,0.0,0.31674845590742845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072407924266294,0.4803695900576354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750951333832389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30482424892780463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629357191055874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062555131508832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408410948208809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25044197616184083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840551062479376,0.0,0.0
bpd,rrr000llll,2019/11/01,"Feeling hopeless I have been diagnosed with so many things...depression, bipolar, anxiety...and have been hospitalized several times and have been on so many drugs. After reading through the symptoms of borderline, I am like how have I never gotten diagnosed with this? It makes so much sense. My unstable relationships, intense and mercurial moods, particularly anger, that I’ve gotten better at coping with but never that great at it. 

I’ve been in a relationship for most of this year, my first serious one, and I feel so toxic. I don’t understand what my partner sees in me. My moods are so up and down, they are so hard to deal with, and I feel like I am always apologizing. I feel like a terrible person. I guess when I am on my good side it’s great, and when I am on my bad side it is awful. 

I feel super hopeless. I have had unstable relationships with friends and family my whole life. I have gone really far with education and work but my anger has gotten me in a lot of problems. I feel despondent and hopeless. And feeling like things are always going to be this hard makes me feel suicidal.",3.6536842105263134,5.957244799043063,5.0732057416267935,78.28244019138758,74.6937799043062,8.801913875598087,27.267942583732058,9.414487439383343,2.7002287081339715,869,34,160,23,19,290,106,209,0.263,0.615,0.12300000000000001,-0.9901,0,0,1,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,1,4,9,21,2,0,4,1,22,6,0,3,2,36,40,21,1,1,2,0,10,4,2,0,6,0,0,2,11,16,0,0,9,1,0,2,3,9,0,2,9,11,27,10,24,30,4,23,0,3,1,0,9,13,0,3,12,117,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848878563876312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276368691388696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825873890364244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453900870177668,0.09569008932774888,0.22552790349877144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884048858619174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047349976640384,0.0,0.4494031500680638,0.23810914398157396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450142757828482,0.0,0.0,0.08583542484728808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314057293013055,0.09318523567658353,0.0,0.2449758290556917,0.12238894801910985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990471854684643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847306974578792,0.2171109889069532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445307145003687,0.0,0.0,0.14831994970316756,0.2252755055721508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167113151349037,0.0,0.17137401963276874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528409534694629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700805434747356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630749800500837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112985866142032,0.0,0.07117337257575121,0.0,0.0,0.3578388007797931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885321512643891,0.0,0.0,0.12551114333286326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215251418403893,0.0,0.0,0.11547522477633315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380976612138967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478318301875355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565880315678985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240389518174738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088197284521123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154462445097014
bpd,GlammySammy,2019/11/01,"Just diagnosed with BPD and discharged as client Yesterday, my therapist said that I have borderline personality tendencies and immediately discharged me as a client. She said that she couldn’t help me. She then went to my ex girlfriend’s therapy meeting in the same office without my consent and told my ex that she should block me and it feels like she shit talked me. She told her basically everything I said in session and I feel like that breaks an anonymity rule. So, now I guess I’m newly diagnosed without anyone to talk to and my ex is now greatly turned against me. This feels like a new low and I can’t get out of bed to go to class. Does anyone have any advice?",5.320606837606839,6.529612684615383,5.655641025641028,80.24158119658122,68.30769230769229,9.162393162393165,31.367521367521373,9.444778638647367,2.75634188034188,539,22,104,11,9,172,80,130,0.078,0.8440000000000001,0.078,-0.017,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,4,0,6,3,1,0,0,20,20,11,0,2,3,3,3,3,1,1,2,3,1,1,6,9,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,6,6,22,4,15,12,1,12,0,1,0,0,21,4,1,1,8,66,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000718986963445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743227364022096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003631640282764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045051464648848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908432943847349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538138196510756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876680805376786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733323899993334,0.30706820213538405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485555103235242,0.0,0.08142678557927897,0.0,0.0,0.15796177781517218,0.15783414950404967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603456775177473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999156073774888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837639984075129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510266654620994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088635168626822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707027279080187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303188879337631,0.0,0.0,0.1638480553311955,0.1663539334833567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738118180233167,0.0,0.0,0.15584263421652172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281785188008102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762249965617931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashrk725,2019/11/01,"BF keeps info about his friends from me Hi, this is my first post and I just really need support because I feel like I’m going insane. 

Me and my bf are long distance, been together for a year and a half. I’ve always been open to him about who my friends are, their names, some things about them, etc. He’s spoken to my friends as well. On the other hand, I know nothing about any of his friends (except a couple names recently). I mentioned this to him a month ago and told him I’d like to know more about them and be introduced (online) so that I would feel more secure/involved in his life. He continuously has lied to me and kept any info about them away from me and he also has not once brought up introducing us. I have now brought it up twice, each time ending in me crying because I’m getting extremely paranoid that he’s hiding something or cheating. Each time I bring it up I’m hesitant also, because I truly feel like I’m insane. I don’t know what to do, it just makes me feel so sick and I have to do everything in my power not to explode on him. I used to be the “jealous girlfriend” type and this is making me feel like I’m going back to my old ways. 

Am I asking for too much? I really don’t know.",2.4764285714285705,3.830442198412701,3.9335238095238085,89.30314285714289,75.42857142857143,6.627301587301588,24.10793650793651,7.1686216300943375,0.8320374603174598,942,29,205,10,20,312,129,252,0.10800000000000001,0.764,0.128,0.6303,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,4,2,16,12,2,0,6,0,18,3,1,3,0,39,47,15,0,2,6,0,6,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,12,12,0,2,11,0,0,5,4,2,1,3,6,6,38,10,32,38,7,30,0,0,0,0,30,10,0,2,17,138,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614909117958772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152434929429024,0.09963966068914412,0.0,0.0,0.1628650544096858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119479139644815,0.0,0.11250688511521187,0.0920785726202989,0.0,0.2189912187281942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324985278126719,0.1315372011100035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606089950832133,0.0,0.1335503145799978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762149140272753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30274011947229496,0.256643294771779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185731353603332,0.0,0.0,0.3700670351853124,0.0,0.06256321923046237,0.0,0.13611072972334484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643723807332812,0.0,0.0,0.2632407681151161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845813261668486,0.2340106666737315,0.0,0.0,0.1059729265847072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986500953172614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558145393465234,0.0,0.08802832150361876,0.08879138574739676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490112643078887,0.0,0.12565504408956968,0.12752736868112566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146851739859286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342685738497885,0.0,0.1182363853280669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218761268775133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358882456565456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955503617783685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965166778326404,0.0,0.0,0.11442403778098195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404171221180406,0.10342354584752014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505013281635834,0.0,0.0,0.10766754343108018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850653145574182,0.0,0.0,0.07711357840053154
bpd,DreAMOfficial1,2019/11/01,DAE embarrass themselves with toxic behavior It's the absolute worst type of cringe imaginable,7.754000000000001,12.005420733333338,7.001666666666669,58.2225,75.0,13.66666666666667,40.833333333333336,11.20814326018867,7.900333333333334,81,5,9,4,2,25,15,15,0.344,0.6559999999999999,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unknownweeb34,2019/11/01,Doesn't matter... It doesn't matter.. doesn't matter what I do.. it's just gonna mess up.. I still have to work.. I'm not gonna get to sleep.. or see my FP... Or depress in the McDonald's parking lot like a boss.. nope.. just fucking nothing.. doing basic simple nothing like everybody else.. fuck,-0.669666666666668,1.516552700000002,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,97.0,4.0,18.33333333333333,5.82211442006289,-0.16366666666666596,222,7,47,2,9,75,43,60,0.158,0.738,0.10400000000000001,-0.6304,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,2,0,6,3,1,1,0,10,13,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,11,1,3,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,3,3,26,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620894081251986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909856737606876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070747267454982,0.14328298196290268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679669184591231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331553886138203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5262956807019232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853972365297925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744455244788329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190143807980053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965542169322775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kmflrstgr,2019/11/01,"Is it my BPD or am I just a shitty person?? So whenever my boyfriend of two months doesn’t give me enough attention, I have this random impulse to download tinder and/or flirt with random men.

I don’t know if this is because of my BPD or just because I’m not that into my boyfriend...? 

Has anyone ever had any similar experiences. Anything would help. Very desperate.",3.916190476190476,6.022526142857148,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,73.28571428571428,7.523809523809526,28.809523809523807,8.344100000000001,2.2520952380952384,290,12,52,5,6,94,54,70,0.09699999999999999,0.8640000000000001,0.039,-0.6166,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,14,12,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,8,1,5,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,5,2,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249700040246215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708228151365342,0.0,0.19663888625698608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913284357760073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6019087157795786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469034895890733,0.0,0.0,0.2161476881953172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23374298784520114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22922657229272825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016591434820412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132293897358788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190730904364754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086455267499438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334234606235722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716218002262145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697461558463126,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bargnoffle,2019/11/01,"How do you guys get shit done?? Pretty self explanatory. I’m currently coming off my meds and want to get things in a good place - house, habits, hobbies, etc - as a way to keep myself feeling good. Not that I feel good now lol. So what, if anything, works for you guys??",1.1157232704402524,3.4815719245283065,2.1040566037735857,95.71067610062893,84.47169811320755,5.042767295597487,18.26729559748428,6.42735559955562,-0.22070817610062848,204,5,45,2,6,64,45,53,0.057,0.65,0.293,0.9163,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,3,4,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,9,10,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,3,6,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248064136996507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008162504819724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205507217879154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020367863274445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966853148094474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631401827814247,0.0,0.0,0.4968231974457109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910037374607341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278253427092335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549843623330866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193171943614255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628829269939655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008728318259209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059784874417948,0.0,0.20267474175441488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311738701268811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645834131473715,0.15672287232356585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437425148340777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yeah_nvm,2019/11/01,Paving the path to suicide My two best friends and boyfriend would be crushed if I committed suicide (or so I think). They’re the only thing holding me back. Sometimes I just want to push them away. Hurt them past the point of no return so they can leave me and I can then finally do it. But they’ll suffer either way. It sucks because I just want to go but I don’t want them to be sad. I sound like an ingrate but I just want to die without any collateral damage.,1.1796875,3.350374260416668,2.289416666666664,95.74725,82.4375,5.09,23.141666666666666,6.2581,0.3320991666666666,363,13,81,3,10,115,64,96,0.23600000000000002,0.6,0.16399999999999998,-0.8702,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,5,1,7,8,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,20,15,10,3,6,10,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,0,1,16,3,8,11,2,10,0,4,0,0,6,2,1,2,6,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161546020933282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818394438859625,0.14882214916840233,0.0,0.11798164289727794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311079484581154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086644160612868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201622500045456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953036831859987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099945988837048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719112853419008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049334428268584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455503422692582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471977068890144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475810844713653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296011441834076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141836989711325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42340791699215613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858096215259562,0.12401414687717907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906278957479775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566252581389877,0.15362493837522975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656795477260574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748695892936033,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redtilemile,2019/11/01,"This is the worst day of my life I have two tests on Tuesday, an essay due Sunday, and three events I have to go to on Saturday, Monday night, and Tuesday night. I haven’t worked on any of it. My tire popped today. To top it off, my boyfriend broke up with me. I feel like my heart is exploding out of me and I can hardly breathe. I feel so incredibly alone.",1.1343428571428582,2.9187721866666685,2.5912380952380967,95.568,80.46666666666667,5.885714285714287,20.047619047619047,6.868970318607317,0.06696190476190411,274,7,65,3,7,89,51,75,0.12300000000000001,0.821,0.055999999999999994,-0.7328,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,4,2,0,0,7,9,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,3,12,1,13,9,1,19,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,12,43,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27702290416168324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189182437661716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249891757028854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704862763465159,0.19108382813924926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201191585479545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23960460449137946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169585568959373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892514149759626,0.13067452449867628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020133767683753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074225776224276,0.25353454027412986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612837098529093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947246133468159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilacproper,2019/11/01,"Today was hard. Before I knew I wanted to go out I did something stupid and now I need advice on how to fix it Okay, I was feeling really shitty and ignored and cut a bit on my wrists. Not bad, but I’m still bleeding and my outfit for tonight won’t cover my wrists. 
How do stop the bleeding? 
What are good ways to bandage?
And what are good cover stories? 

I’ve always been able to cover but that’s harder tonight.",0.5598837209302339,2.8424410348837235,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,86.32558139534883,3.905116279069768,19.06511627906977,4.935628992294339,-0.4023125581395353,323,9,67,1,10,106,59,86,0.133,0.723,0.14300000000000002,0.4379,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,2,1,8,4,2,2,0,17,14,9,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,8,3,8,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,42,12,0,0.2651712877372949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25912231339973085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206437538263924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214069490485529,0.0,0.0,0.2256412350762405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894983674477324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407857058568926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070295369582865,0.4448261903750202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375413888636453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662114988401752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987551702339646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041418123971507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176613292272006,0.22169507013265194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513513751101115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640489585861903,0.21048062549839075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hps4891,2019/09/12,"Idk what to do? My bpd really is under control. Or at least well controlled. My therapist agrees. However im in nursing school and my instructor says she notices and that others notice that during clinicals that I act bizarre (ie bouncing off the walls is what she said). I don't feel like I do, at all. She says i need to lay off the caffiene and i just said ok to her but the thing is that i HAVE been going easy on it. Ive been tired during clinicals if anything! I feel like ive been acting normal and fine. My issue is that if I dont recognize what the fuck shes talking about, how on earth am i gonna fix/ change it?! My friends aren't of much help theyre just kinda like ""just tell her OK and go from there"". Can anyone offer advice or suggestions or help? Please & thank you!",1.3479217791411031,3.371418895705524,2.7892599693251547,93.21002492331293,80.90184049079755,6.038190184049081,20.616947852760735,7.1686216300943375,0.4224604294478533,612,17,135,8,16,199,101,163,0.136,0.716,0.14800000000000002,0.4865,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,7,10,1,0,4,2,18,4,0,3,1,23,28,12,0,4,9,0,2,3,1,1,3,4,0,0,12,5,0,2,2,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,5,6,23,9,14,22,3,13,0,0,0,1,18,9,1,6,3,88,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312532719050414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869634557538204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024127526421104,0.0,0.12052941482254753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446937599791824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549420913413803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32854917290290603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165759743740214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811568353597304,0.20927133309534252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315962178664035,0.13540587988701025,0.0,0.0,0.1664805263066417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634675824677034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820890793726114,0.15287292851439666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146683385747567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107669698954668,0.10860302241247434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350603063728262,0.0,0.3335060654149515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077618735134558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383016320220504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786462832455029,0.2329520115728917,0.0,0.14823187452371464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772419053752617,0.12801813967962336,0.13484663573391004,0.0,0.1700588461307066,0.09730580623695394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834164688120273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169093526265274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,potatopizza99,2019/09/12,"I'm feel like I'm about to lose my sanity I'm so broken, I'm trying really hard not to lost the smallest bit of sanity I have left.   My mood swings keeps getting worst. I'm trying really hard but it's really hard not to give up, I'm trying really hard but I'm so close to losing it. I'm trying really hard but I'm so exhausted. This is so exhausting, dealing with my own mind is so exhausting.",-0.5977695560253693,1.54121784883721,3.238160676532768,85.77163847780129,91.44186046511628,7.778435517970403,14.79492600422833,8.575989854853784,1.0395255813953486,309,6,67,10,11,115,42,86,0.337,0.63,0.033,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,17,8,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,6,4,1,8,16,3,3,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237085279909915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388729408114992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056919291924563,0.09970658558981156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291791876179786,0.13388524007381447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6251224197796349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405342906782706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163979098796115,0.0,0.0,0.06818531315920906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31227921086216776,0.1523537036937686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092273255247678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44705048989984464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790269192050525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShaneLT,2019/09/12,"I'm tired of getting emotionally beaten up by everyone. [CW: Multiple] Everywhere I go, whether it be around campus, home, or with friends, it seems like I'm always singled out.  Everything I do is wrong.  I make people unhappy.  I just wanted to find someone like me, who understood how I felt and make me feel the tiniest bit not alone.  I came to this subreddit because I thought I could find that here, but all I was met with was angry responses and a lot of ""just get your shit together.""  I'm tired of these answers, I'm tired of the ignorance.  I just want a friend...I just want someone who understands...but apparently that's not allowed in my life.

I feel like cutting, I feel like dying.  I don't belong here.  No one wants me.  Everything I do is wrong, no matter where or with who.  I'm completely defeated.",1.9676284437825802,4.423515740506332,3.71825018615041,84.95843261355175,81.46835443037975,7.768279970215935,27.015636634400593,8.671277953709913,2.3706220402084885,629,28,124,16,17,210,95,158,0.242,0.643,0.11599999999999999,-0.9790000000000001,2,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,2,9,12,3,0,4,0,9,5,1,4,1,41,32,7,1,5,10,0,4,4,1,0,4,0,1,0,9,8,0,1,10,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,7,4,19,5,14,23,4,8,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,4,4,77,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105829514268785,0.0,0.0,0.10529223445588506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264830270239255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713820844240472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814997910109206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447291731176563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267581264501455,0.0,0.0,0.10103267782074173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132956162670245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423415734012706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091533160687334,0.2274537513856189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919487687024159,0.18080180641418772,0.12149918750960373,0.0,0.2313123311076159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955304984161367,0.0,0.13222488117618592,0.0,0.07191615651273216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693092300367834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937963822592389,0.2472861289387452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758061820290617,0.0,0.0,0.16893417689790205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574744467209013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772758429417635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519815795294105,0.0,0.0,0.12989250012940493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443552772180655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045940536788482,0.0,0.4363207334804064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985486002518173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767053993315957,0.0,0.0
bpd,bjerk444,2019/09/12,"Does anyone experience this way of thinking? Or something similar? does anyone think about their FP every second of the day? the good & the bad. and it’s so much and so overwhelming that you just want to stop loving them and caring so much? I’ve been depersonalizing so much that when I think about her to keep me grounded to this reality, it truly makes me sad, anxious, & angry, but if I go back to disassociating I end up not giving a shit. I don’t want to feel like this lifeless vessel. I don’t know how to manage my thoughts.",2.6211320754717,4.8164065849056605,4.3515471698113215,82.74392452830193,77.49056603773585,6.504150943396226,21.92075471698113,7.554174236665415,0.8695841509433961,422,12,84,6,10,142,73,106,0.107,0.7240000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.7929999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,0,10,8,1,1,4,0,3,2,1,2,0,20,17,12,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,1,12,4,11,15,3,9,0,2,0,1,6,2,1,2,6,56,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660509668419207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083228413654,0.0,0.2362265305207028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988957409242693,0.14104170983253905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222588861276042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893986248329532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29564724631048905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961358188950202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232295622375085,0.0,0.0,0.16523683586312107,0.0,0.0,0.0854113700070065,0.12067696570785287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204410600964692,0.09600151376193923,0.14168264984092518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014445953597536,0.0,0.0,0.09283438665810184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252611047924496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524575064840362,0.0,0.11275586387500125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725284025196421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733946479264096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004339020313935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122525009861814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32471264813717365,0.0,0.13410414925655534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926758426396385,0.13408137113350185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Space_gal98,2019/09/12,"Depressive funk Not actually funky at all. im so depressed (have been for 6+ years but new problems arise) and am basically useless. im not funtioning since i lost my job (not that i was doing that good when i had it) and ive been basically moping around. my s/o is getting essentially deported for minimum 6 months and i have to move back in with the parents. everything sucks. me not doing *anything* around the house (i cant even get up without help, forget waking up before 1/showering) is putting a huge strain on my relationship. i dont know what to do as we usually never fight, pls help?",3.1104237288135583,4.962057161016952,5.112000000000002,79.42918644067798,74.84745762711864,8.787796610169492,28.749152542372883,9.3871,2.7145701694915254,467,20,92,12,10,161,87,118,0.20199999999999999,0.68,0.11800000000000001,-0.8645,3,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,1,0,0,1,6,9,2,1,3,0,15,1,1,0,2,18,20,7,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,5,0,12,1,14,15,1,17,0,4,0,0,6,8,1,0,7,61,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.1658613534049638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986673931228644,0.3026098261792788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069261823247855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462772364924578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927812658839116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991977515787219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122603006058871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275361128269613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759942826218714,0.0,0.0,0.142558604839598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784795637600785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961168268956319,0.0,0.0,0.3671828012426873,0.0,0.16866406814762394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340833657457497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553691005657025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566446691890746,0.1806459307097344,0.0,0.0,0.13108751062986584,0.16415328694912498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887260539436149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263358127011365,0.0,0.1708618017381223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247883664636935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405968307758041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871924701829064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384022555620678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945190803510807
bpd,SinglePotatoPringle,2019/09/12,"Oh Canada.... Okay, So i have BPD and Genderalized anxiety disorder as well as bipolar type two (hypo mania)

So heres the thing, my psych took me off of my anti depressants because it would cause hypo-manic episodes (which it did, and RIP my 300$ ;n; )

I was put on lithium and kept my other meds, now im on: lithium 1050mg, Lamotrigine 100mg, Olazapine 5mg and birth control.

With this med combo my mania has been under control and so has my depression.

BUT HERES THE KICKER

my anxiety is HECTIC. Its starting to become to the point of debilitating again like what is was when I first got diagnosed with a mental illness (GAD). I nearly missed a college class today because I wanted to go home and hide and do some other stuff. Spoiler: went to class with teary eyed anyway from a panic attack.

I see my doctor tomorrow and I'm thinking Im going to confront him about putting me on cannabis, because its legal here and a lot of my friends who have severe anxiety started using it for themselves recreationally and it helped them with their anxiety. Like they would smoke or take the oil in the morning and be fine all day. Some of them who I knew had SEVERE SEVERE anxiety, like hospitalized anxiety, sometimes need to take a little bit at night to sleep. But what do you guys think of this, would this be a good idea?

​

Summary: Psych said anti depressants bai bai, new meds don't help with anxiety, I live in canada, I want canabis questionably...",5.801592458884876,6.666263722021661,6.428995186522263,76.37917669474531,67.014440433213,9.188046530284801,31.634376253509828,9.2995712137729,2.8519933413557963,1149,45,205,21,18,376,169,277,0.20199999999999999,0.7140000000000001,0.085,-0.9861,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,4,3,12,15,2,1,11,1,19,6,2,4,1,39,40,20,0,6,3,0,0,3,1,3,4,1,1,1,18,16,0,3,5,0,0,6,1,7,1,2,11,4,26,8,31,24,5,29,0,4,2,0,14,11,0,5,15,136,44,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412988508771514,0.10556359715267803,0.0,0.0,0.4652182053503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883375598616373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887603062307293,0.09594748754622892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484586498890064,0.0,0.1094170196668989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924537013530058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948771774100126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602769923267263,0.0,0.22447797884120047,0.08817710086342355,0.0,0.0,0.09956718499312343,0.08892105506492919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389650488506695,0.0,0.0,0.0671200219307263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874703008295027,0.07286729311772955,0.06948250767215547,0.0,0.0,0.08602069335981159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646202515945607,0.0,0.08714350349133174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807219539378786,0.1876815281409664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732937213361495,0.08707236736911889,0.07671291658717998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385869224076233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28949826281278884,0.0,0.08755036563112283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644172994834897,0.0,0.08390518194127403,0.0,0.08152704631580099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193002429128982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212570483369627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466833382500793,0.09732077027655392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826387732084201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922875893038605,0.0,0.0,0.29443475259918195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693853335258153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592238038271438,0.0,0.12298226643224468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945199778342624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306395685602961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771641638150495,0.1113330001352131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234809335417857,0.0,0.0965222022580917,0.0,0.0,0.08486502591571721,0.0,0.0,0.07503279141805108,0.0,0.0,0.10248318681028776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811177099524963,0.08053473019873644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851422116248407,0.0,0.10556359715267803,0.0
bpd,fennec_pixels,2019/09/12,"I lost my fp, and it's my fault. I just need to vent. This happened a couple hours ago, and the emotions are just coming in. 

Yesterday, I had an argument with my friends group about D&D, and whether someone should join. Anyway, it escalated and ended up with someone leaving, as well as my fp snapping and blaming himself. 

After the argument, I've been avoiding everyone from the group. I've muted the chats (leaving would have been too obvious) and blanked others completely. I spoke with my fp and I said how I felt like we needed to stop talking to each other (we've been friends for four years at this point and we're extremely close. This is the first major argument, really). He ~~does~~ did so much for me and was always there but I never did any of that and reaped it all in and was a bad friend and it makes me hurt so much because I care about him but I can't talk to him anymore because it doesn't feel right 

I want to talk to him but I don't feel ready and it's scaring me so much. I can't lose him but I have to. It's the only way. I have other friends outside of that group, but they're not as good as him. I know that I should apologise as he is known that he can't lose me but he hasn't met the criteria yet for me to rethink about it and I don't even know what the criteria is but it annoys me so much. 

Basically, I've lost my fp and I feel worthless and I judt want him and his hugs but I only got to see him once a month physically and he doesn't always want hugs and I judt want for him to take care of me and I just wish that I was a better person for him instead of the abysmal person I am who can't even respect anyone apparently 

I know that I should apologise but I can't yet and it all scares me and if you're reading this, I'm sorry.",1.0663977541371177,2.9310376196808505,2.8881205673758887,92.95888888888894,81.04787234042553,5.98628841607565,22.412529550827426,7.054809383877858,0.5676408983451537,1379,45,314,17,36,459,163,376,0.14300000000000002,0.715,0.142,0.8109999999999999,1,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,6,20,25,1,3,14,0,31,2,0,2,4,72,59,43,0,12,15,0,4,1,4,4,0,2,0,2,25,29,0,2,9,2,0,1,12,12,1,2,16,7,53,13,36,39,8,21,0,6,1,2,34,7,0,1,13,220,78,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637075985829161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214841050657308,0.10557140669522742,0.0,0.06625953339500462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662991041070798,0.06812922075021724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135463669544944,0.11879164643904608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617384961293688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868412846494815,0.0,0.0,0.08393212183037876,0.10215934842787723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781061241423157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526652981645473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960190936821126,0.08629900058484134,0.0,0.0,0.12871055900673706,0.0,0.0,0.09310386908991022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779906564159234,0.0,0.0935534336142165,0.0,0.0,0.08287865180444606,0.0,0.0,0.30111393957565025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172433897421325,0.07792813163243434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616195872981168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959544161916778,0.0,0.10430680011622516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606441344560122,0.0,0.0,0.20634041437294048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760210113659987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801097464507035,0.2127248838714718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503900407704764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777214776836193,0.0,0.2865054399553673,0.14449449110965296,0.07514832349864027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376570928037687,0.0,0.14820829345987654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015397469696011,0.0,0.0,0.09210811398580884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746194419600032,0.0,0.062419725443483676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320945016142055,0.09268354600721154,0.0,0.19510002019139985,0.0,0.07764353963924557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511369597155376,0.0,0.0,0.1090711509980461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146050503527302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325942770521894,0.2349450773811312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298801105321625,0.07733982556752299,0.0,0.0,0.08760628503625145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204610466459368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921543815649407,0.0,0.0,0.06274531687301556
bpd,rohesredacted,2019/09/12,The Courage To Be Disliked I recently read this book. It’s by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. I recommend giving it a read if you have problems with interpersonal relationships. It really makes you think in a different way. Anyone who’s read it please comment I would love to have a discussion,4.003333333333334,7.044391555555558,5.6200000000000045,70.80000000000003,77.8888888888889,9.525925925925927,31.222222222222207,9.725611199111238,4.077577777777779,240,12,38,8,6,81,41,54,0.092,0.6609999999999999,0.247,0.8481,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,8,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,1,1,26,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054164115594255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23988310626631834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025321763049235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722294183925186,0.0,0.153259766348406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520318252393809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196961681545563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6889863247742294,0.0,0.14708762338468787,0.0,0.2267022764060629,0.24650444802002103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711839329569668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224577334953407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310123486823785,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatthefeelings,2019/09/12,"I know I'll get through it, but it sucks My boyfriend broke up with me last week. I caught him in some lies (sexting, cheating?) that he admitted to and then refused to seek options that could help. I don't think he's a bad person, but he won't seek help for his behaviors. I live with him. It's been rough. He's been my sole source for validation and love. I was so sure he loved me. We're friendly to each ther and I hate it. I feel fake. I want to cry and scream and be told that I'm loved and special while he hugs me. Even my therapist says these emotional walls are necessary, but fuck... It's really hard.",0.4106312292358787,2.50204679069768,1.8159745293466256,98.45459302325584,84.96899224806202,5.856256921373202,20.06699889258029,7.1686216300943375,0.2081091915836102,472,14,115,7,14,151,84,129,0.19,0.523,0.28600000000000003,0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,2,15,4,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,1,22,23,12,0,2,3,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,9,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,5,5,17,7,11,15,2,8,0,1,0,5,20,3,2,2,4,61,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622462000459715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589502665991735,0.0,0.2186815258702412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393973443345566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149136072947926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066151736492401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538097649290141,0.1840475094083973,0.10401179384401124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833779503715969,0.19655162710432966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668800783679814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940990905402884,0.1622778794728084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579248826037355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390361002907541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383016466630033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275366170151519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831748804942358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876318258124064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23114880320810186,0.0,0.12756329696459712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023077096838345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742334417541833,0.0,0.1596910586265254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonanonanonaccount,2019/09/12,"DAE lose interest in long term relationships? I feel awful posting this (hence throwaway account) but I don't know what to do.

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. he's really the perfect guy, I honestly cannot fault him, he supports me and treats me so well. but I'm bored!

this isn't the first time this has happened, it's happened with every long term relationship I've had:

- 2 year relationship ended bc I got bored and met someone else
- was with the guy I met for nearly 2 years, he was incredible and we very nearly got engaged but I got bored and broke up with him (and regretted this for a long long time)
- 1 year relationship, my libido disappeared and I got so bored I was thinking about breaking up with him but he realised and broke up with me, I was heartbroken (?)

so there's this pattern, I meet a wonderful man, have a great relationship, I get bored, sex drive disappears, I break up with him, I regret it

what is this!!!! is this a bpd thing? it's driving me crazy bc I know how happy my current boyfriend makes me but once again my sex drive has gone, I'm struggling with affection and I'm getting bored. I don't want to break up with him bc he's done absolutely nothing wrong and I know I'll regret it, I just don't know how to fix what's going on with me.

I've got an appointment with my therapist next week and I'll talk to her about it, but I just wanted to see if anyone else has had similar issues?

side note: could this be a sexuality issue? I've always classed myself as bisexual but I've never been with a woman, could this be my subconscious telling me I want to be? ive been watching a show about lesbians and I'm not sure if this is me becoming obsessive about something and convincing myself it's true (lol) I still find men attractive so I don't think I'm completely gay but I really don't know what's going on",1.4515633245382595,3.7271412770448578,3.236648416886545,88.73344228232193,82.13984168865436,6.74514511873351,22.93146437994723,7.908726449838941,1.209404696569921,1460,51,310,28,40,486,166,379,0.161,0.691,0.14800000000000002,0.8351,1,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,0,3,17,29,0,2,12,2,31,4,0,4,4,65,65,29,0,10,14,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,21,25,0,0,10,1,1,8,9,16,1,1,18,3,46,13,37,42,2,44,0,6,2,4,27,12,0,3,20,184,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726369573844287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061039134319078085,0.08944468919973766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641116502138357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994579023417042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152780733395978,0.0,0.0,0.13939691471501012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933373802965447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458485949043917,0.0,0.07731801758914927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355033342343781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044139293539488735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978662445517916,0.07425361840293113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121672750880584,0.0,0.09922423667541913,0.0,0.3490914501566342,0.09624374041108626,0.0,0.17287279687799578,0.15439047487085986,0.0929278215407284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822279155009107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987697673765296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30901554256598257,0.0,0.0976614807703576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827051098078676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732777156962287,0.0,0.09283989300227248,0.0,0.0,0.08376251149644252,0.0,0.0,0.09296699707899032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360508293410207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118476320013576,0.0,0.0,0.4686141864691942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956331501903262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396530413343204,0.06720444096114807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971440299495554,0.0,0.0,0.09126034653672133,0.0,0.0,0.09906204658397323,0.08227509830653422,0.0,0.0,0.07016492080762733,0.07630022845387323,0.0,0.0,0.10135695490379246,0.05799533772595241,0.1118710299025816,0.0,0.0,0.10180556789614334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202803720428977,0.1544676732268266,0.0,0.07002328890786268,0.0,0.07848925528046853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466838710563172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954440676615684,0.0,0.2248620948445474
bpd,Danaus--plexippus,2019/09/12,"I feel so traumatised after seeing an animal die tonight... I'm absolutely heart broken beyond belief.
I was walking home and a squirrel ran out in the road then to where i was, i tried to coax it with food but eventually got it to the other side where trees were. 
Kept trying to get it to run into the bushes and was nearly there and then it just bolted into the road and got hit so many god damn times.

I just stood there and screamed... 
All i can just see and hear is it happening again in my head- just feel like its all my fault but all i wanted to do was help it and get it out the road in the first place

I feel so broken and bpd makes this feeling x100000

I wish it was me or i jumped out to shield and save it.",1.7068117408906889,3.2539474342105272,3.0213157894736864,94.22651821862353,77.94736842105263,5.992712550607287,18.271255060728745,6.67199483983844,-0.22695404858299684,558,10,130,5,13,181,87,152,0.114,0.768,0.11800000000000001,0.1547,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,13,5,1,0,8,0,9,3,2,1,3,35,29,17,1,2,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,12,15,1,1,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,1,11,8,13,2,19,17,3,28,1,0,2,0,2,17,1,1,8,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369040725775153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952170376358777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804339712481105,0.13437794434934258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599968908841765,0.2274500255583399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654790045170328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008798647695539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633530117970693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304381350550265,0.0,0.21200121390450785,0.22289818941962894,0.12607877707185844,0.0,0.18867860720954074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918956572722812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255575255143408,0.19070283596534476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652339262362345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997810574629832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968202417889096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25541371191555395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094564812673434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630453671371508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDrelationship9,2019/09/12,"Help with BPD partner I was dating my partner for a year and the moment I set up boundaries they started treating me poorly. There was a day last month when I lost my job unexpectedly due to mass layoffs and the day I lost my job I had asked my partner to be there for me because I was hurting. Instead, they got angry at me (while I was losing my job) because I wasn’t doing what they wanted me to do. Later that day I get a text message saying they can’t come over because they’re angry and have a stomach ache. This is what set it off. I was so hurt and I refused to let it go. I wanted to know why they didn’t show up when I was in serious distress. I stared asking more questions about why my partner was so dismissive and mean about my needs and wants. I said, “I feel like you’re using my needs and punishing me with them.”

That clicked with them and it came out they have BPD. Never told me in the year we were together until two days after we moved away for their school.

Since then it’s been suicide threats, angry outbursts, needing comfort from me even though I’ve asked for space.

They seem genuine that they want help. They started taking their meds and seeing a therapist but our first joint session resulted in them becoming upset because they thought the therapist would “be on their side.”

I’m moving out because of the hurt over the last few months and the broken trust by keeping the BPD a secret, but this is so hard. I love this person and I see the good in them. I want to be a part of their recovery but I don’t know what to do because I feel like once I move it’s over. They are going to go nuclear and hurt themselves or cheat on me to end the whole thing.

I’m wondering if you all have any suggestions for practicing healthy boundaries with BPD? Should I move or should I help them? Is a healthy relationship possible without separation? 

Sorry for the rant, I’m exhausted and don’t know what to do.",4.446667327517844,5.2055482860824736,5.010412371134018,85.72003568596351,70.00515463917526,7.8249008723235525,29.098334655035693,7.882392219407189,1.7268652656621732,1517,55,312,18,26,486,187,388,0.154,0.7490000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.9648,3,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,3,1,20,4,12,21,3,2,19,0,33,3,1,2,2,58,75,28,1,12,7,0,3,2,4,3,1,2,0,5,16,23,0,2,11,1,1,9,7,14,0,2,19,9,64,7,45,49,5,55,0,7,4,1,45,19,0,6,27,216,80,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049472047258389835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403244306286072,0.0,0.06835040159459749,0.0,0.0,0.2660839419815845,0.08034593264133938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665009982772933,0.0,0.0,0.08320586663100675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626671164877608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766922881346326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443432388563962,0.0,0.0,0.048050254292276134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356850640220952,0.10394428895765408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188055316263831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03800852858981843,0.0,0.12403538274654174,0.06101869652160514,0.0581842945964432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516912102757035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628705140758114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115187011027368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657748965723286,0.06466295782237523,0.0,0.0,0.11994340745221925,0.11860084695178985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439113113951518,0.0,0.0710833076046402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138790516521864,0.15882900118216578,0.0,0.0656591215017136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924536066588993,0.08080811882483836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613566147065407,0.30928414980611346,0.0,0.16182814592441735,0.056108777424529584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747567497519031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878044804169221,0.0,0.0,0.06352191938349441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201395234394268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149591253732201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810556765386881,0.0,0.0,0.06920128369768455,0.057853196723240866,0.0,0.07362621803153517,0.11594361341008215,0.06622826870556284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060179007494223835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143693232088348,0.10298471744852633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079575972479588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546984514356454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893518649266734,0.04833143025921949,0.0,0.07147585917119978,0.05775485138766907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951511390966471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106553626580844,0.0,0.0,0.06283207366176984,0.0,0.0,0.21454723398468006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312899314829275,0.0812220423423833,0.0,0.07012776964599331,0.07889355814719487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051679045294128034,0.0,0.0,0.09369638216675083
bpd,Naturewillprevail,2019/09/12,"Feels it almost impossible to believe they could hurt someone emotionally? Sometimes, when I split on someone, it is easy to say things that I will regret later because deep inside, I feel it is impossible that person would be actually hurt by my actions or words. Even if they let me know they were hurt, it is like my brain is telling me they are faking it. Because acknowledging they may have been hurt would mean, if I have a slightly close relationship with them, that the relationship matters to them or something like that. And if it is only text, it is worse, because I can't hear the person's tone of voice, I can't see their facial expressions, so I feel even more detached. It is so difficult for me to imagine I could have a big effect on some people, even if they have expressed it in different ways. Most often than not, after meeting someone new, I go into it convinced I am replaceable to them and that they will stop talking to me within a year. I don't mention it and just try to enjoy the interaction as much as I can while it lasts. Because of this, even if I keep talking to them, I am aware they will eventually leave which leads to me firmly believing they don't care whatever I tell them, so from my perspective it is more like me venting to a wall than a person, even though I know that is not true. The feeling they don't care about what I say is still there though. I wonder if others have ever felt this.",10.283296667745066,6.685927494661925,9.742122290520868,70.71561630540279,60.53024911032029,12.495761889356196,39.780329990294405,10.018931242160765,3.77246334519573,1130,40,221,16,11,366,145,281,0.138,0.8009999999999999,0.061,-0.9652,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,16,2,17,15,0,0,9,0,36,2,2,2,2,46,51,20,0,11,11,0,5,3,0,6,0,4,0,3,25,6,0,2,12,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,3,10,43,8,27,38,5,23,0,5,1,0,33,9,0,14,13,175,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0929011705125458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532874391256953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321314041244309,0.0,0.0,0.21451491407738504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627434509460897,0.0,0.0,0.19412486946829446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201842147067174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946342003097612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708684439951854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143925065808926,0.08611357525979077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254330678471387,0.0,0.09140663740473112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054104181078425725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729697622330864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40765297386680666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461786390994801,0.0,0.0,0.10463852639885857,0.07760045832220243,0.0,0.10080273224553896,0.0,0.09734813907155362,0.0,0.13952928813620746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037003776217719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998273033055086,0.0,0.0,0.0919444595620858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240365862211533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599948240260389,0.24937410740425256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441769188780787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514132384890285,0.0,0.0,0.07586183211500963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198718029628824,0.07328937696805853,0.09415493353087508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602660014915125,0.07959120856291016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530358189863388,0.16641746068947202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324644782692919,0.0,0.18706643580422067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463434446855182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755650874530965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324000929572212,0.0,0.0,0.09701662329659988,0.13525426516079947,0.0,0.0,0.06130548293831025
bpd,kdub_54,2019/09/12,"Found our ex is with someone new and didn’t have a break down The other day I found out my ex, who I still love and want back, is with someone else. It hurt. I cried a bit but my first thought wasn’t to give up on life. I didn’t lock myself in the bathroom and want to down my anti depressants. It’s a small victory but I know it’s progress. Therapy and mood stabilizers have worked wonders.",1.122078313253013,3.02493293975904,2.5309487951807235,95.39594126506027,81.04819277108435,6.077710843373494,22.423192771084338,7.1686216300943375,0.5182542168674704,306,10,72,4,8,99,55,83,0.127,0.763,0.11,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,16,16,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,10,1,10,10,1,13,0,2,0,1,6,7,0,1,5,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849407783367495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503039490952406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264138854185137,0.13293078497070807,0.0,0.1775314373941995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218737712179594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532614288104384,0.0,0.4520013675318351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772973566073676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206564482225412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327853376561756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455891301447982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603195882230292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990726346310399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492907621112256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646082392111111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357169581770527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363679393515293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24315063184045396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352908209715966,0.15005830801670084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alinatheafricancat,2019/09/12,"Why is BPD so misunderstood? Have any of you ever watched a movie called ""Welcome to me""? I feel like they did a terrible job at showing BPD...maybe not?

Also, why is BPD so misunderstood? How can people even compare it to bipolar? I don't understand.",1.0348214285714263,3.648782125,3.0634523809523806,85.3125,92.33333333333334,6.076190476190478,25.607142857142854,7.447530270364453,1.7952642857142864,194,9,37,4,7,65,39,48,0.195,0.701,0.10400000000000001,-0.6996,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,5,8,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,4,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837837662127385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467897434861795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.748301029790509,0.0,0.2022284648712259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308083922922063,0.1791451465680662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013867967561237,0.14148505067009487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653141380147715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967559206868756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896516031121864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373010807269519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617425292596825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574138183946362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tylenol-with-Codeine,2019/09/12,"Should I break no contact with ex that has BPD? This is day 12 of no contact. She started the process of breaking up with me two days before that. She texted me once this past weekend to tell me to turn of iMessage location sharing, but not to respond. I obliged without responding. 

I made the mistake of looking at her Instagram page yesterday. I googled her account name, and it turns out she made her account public and I was able to see her knew posts and who she’s following/who is following her.

She has this ex that I’m very insecure about. He used her for sex all the time and wouldn’t commit (7 months telling her they’d be official, but later on.) She had people tell her that he was sleeping around, and that turned out to be true. He got busted for drunk driving I think twice during their “relationship” and ended up in jail for half a year the second time. 

When we would discuss him, she’d always tell me that she knew he was bad for her and that she never wanted to see or speak to him again. 

In June we were broken up for a bit, and out of impulsivity and anger she followed him on Instagram and unblocked him on Facebook and friended him. She knew immediately the next morning she had fucked up and called me to apologize and said she didn’t know why she did it, etc. 

Well turned out she’s following him again, and he is following her. 

I don’t know if I should send her a brief message telling her to not do anything she knows she’ll regret and not to let people from her past whom she knows should stay in the past back into her life, or if I should maintain no contact? I’m worried that I’m the intense sea of overwhelming emotion she may be experiencing right now she may be making bad decisions that will ultimately hurt her.  I know that she still has strong feelings for me, because we got high together the weekend before she broke up with me and right before bed she was going on and on about how much she loves me. I don’t want her making any mistakes that will hurt her, even if she truly doesn’t want me in her life anymore.

If she wants to break up with me, I will find a way to live without her, but I don’t want her lashing out impulsively in an effort to take her mind off me or to do something that will make her feel like she can’t come back to me, even if she wanted to, but only hurt herself in the process. At the same time, I don’t want to anger her by sending her a message she doesn’t want to receive...

I’m lost, and hurt, and afraid... any advice?",5.492005462615224,5.23942943168317,5.735240696483443,84.95960396039607,67.55445544554456,8.628883578012973,30.681119836121546,7.990435384864732,1.8553584841242752,1953,67,418,21,29,622,218,505,0.147,0.778,0.075,-0.9939,1,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,3,0,2,3,14,24,3,3,16,0,44,7,1,7,4,97,94,33,0,22,17,2,2,1,1,13,2,2,1,0,19,34,1,0,13,3,2,11,18,17,1,4,18,8,91,7,67,56,6,73,0,8,3,3,100,30,1,10,27,291,110,0,0.07432601999520166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263052652228214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061845202769327874,0.0,0.0,0.10108848468912984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737114398378881,0.0,0.0,0.0611639814687179,0.06616591582704989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143042430097939,0.12411824419212825,0.04530845191989899,0.0,0.18973790593761816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114476356435517,0.0,0.09361102027827924,0.0,0.07589517656232034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402528495028674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958682681173726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360676848580942,0.06583079258422336,0.0,0.08289315949073048,0.09818327044288244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516293791319398,0.05309852353561308,0.0,0.0,0.06793263574622924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742409867462848,0.06871320781203381,0.0,0.0,0.04224119000707605,0.0,0.11889061600261334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852952090659783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31827016660869184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423818398007065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600339118701639,0.10499733200832408,0.03631193901736991,0.0,0.06563123737157424,0.0,0.062415137309493815,0.0,0.08113563084591315,0.0,0.06708213492723485,0.14065815449487987,0.14883958649340315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504809222857611,0.0,0.059326320048576665,0.0,0.054638176757942684,0.0,0.05732480867408879,0.0,0.07904656547520951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915478555601248,0.0,0.05652828746508466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285778874965225,0.1030566074919762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118378154581738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979832973836475,0.0,0.1269480299308571,0.07070106550275393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845642982785412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074379697357946,0.0,0.0,0.057219801433099585,0.0,0.0,0.05260833950652919,0.07922164792324624,0.0593568555790021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055883917049072966,0.0,0.32482108763874296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047625112459775694,0.0,0.0,0.130020299919665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32338146600342005,0.07260572154220561,0.0,0.0,0.06419381719913507,0.0,0.06132675054656035,0.3507152985115639,0.058996535080731036,0.0,0.0,0.06682801817184478,0.0,0.0670676723727967,0.0,0.0,0.1432952618903313,0.0,0.0,0.07548168117599477,0.0,0.05279907208689811,0.0,0.0,0.04786352000262218
bpd,Trlouden,2019/09/12,"Help! Any tips for taking Abilify and Zoloft? I'm 2 months into Abilify 2mg and 2 days on Zoloft 50 mg. Taking them at morning time and an really tired all day. Also dealing with rage, hoping that'll go away soon.",0.8465909090909136,3.1537122954545467,3.1283636363636376,88.30754545454548,85.13636363636364,6.247272727272727,17.89090909090909,7.554174236665415,0.5679509090909094,167,4,34,3,5,57,36,44,0.149,0.736,0.11599999999999999,-0.3788,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364382468445452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010581321840082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27778118837210825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813509517462837,0.30481125503741363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802971753252047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817387089383973,0.0,0.0,0.2936559138230668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599204469230986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940660711099425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445972660710336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240103214686225,0.3398163136787167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaylipea123,2019/09/12,"I cant do this anymore Im 27 with very little to show for it. I cant drive because of anxiety, i cant work because i fuck things up, i cant be in a relationship (my most recent one imploded last night...he told me we should be friends for a bit and try dating again because he felt we rushed into things...i blocked him off everything). I live with my controlling negative parents who berate me to get out of their house but i cant considering im not working and up to my eyeballs in debt. 

Im seeing a therapist who just sits there and hears me bitch for an hour and thats about it. 

I want to die so badly. I feel crazy and i just want to shut off all the noise inside my head.",1.5484693877551017,2.8233746802721136,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,77.70748299319727,7.07687074829932,23.814625850340143,7.793537801064563,0.967825850340136,526,17,124,8,12,180,92,147,0.192,0.7609999999999999,0.047,-0.9755,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,2,0,1,3,6,4,2,0,5,0,9,2,1,1,1,24,18,7,1,3,4,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,2,2,1,1,2,7,3,0,1,2,4,21,1,21,13,3,18,0,0,1,1,12,10,2,1,5,79,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165083096209199,0.0,0.15103967299479745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716329416910618,0.278520150071652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662710507480912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081626625776924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806230553230252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687651089620406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700694484264971,0.0,0.14623091298101745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766582100297995,0.14079796109231044,0.07956993577291158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630270083465195,0.0,0.1716520292040066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499838257367533,0.1757325850963353,0.0,0.0,0.4935271278351117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414400300008975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264359722251944,0.13448279741445515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292228403318238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320173638361077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911000376419286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037687801708693,0.16351211773533245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136257590869814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683086451559205,0.1011806808687992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552821049011505,0.0,0.10340101627102093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566261585389454,0.1796597791264129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217509555315773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bpdjean,2019/09/12,"Breakdown over FP, need help/guidance Me and my FP haven’t talked in a month but we still have each other on social media. Lately, I believed that he was making posts about me but I found out they were about his ex and I completely had a breakdown. I spent nearly the past 30 days thinking about him meanwhile he’s still stuck on his ex, I know they had an intense relationship and deep past but it hurts to know that a month ago I was laying next to him in bed and  he probably has not thought about me not once since then. I feel like all the progress I’ve had getting over him has gone down the drain because I’m back to square one: being deeply sad and crying. I don’t know what to do.",2.3802214452214443,4.002216153846156,2.9204370629370646,95.34937354312358,76.27272727272728,5.605827505827506,21.706876456876454,5.985473137389443,0.0034107226107220607,542,14,122,3,12,168,90,143,0.11,0.831,0.059000000000000004,-0.855,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,2,1,7,3,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,1,1,23,27,9,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,7,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,11,2,20,1,17,15,2,24,0,2,1,0,16,10,0,0,13,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451369514188731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403224032208105,0.0,0.10625665603382757,0.0,0.0,0.19638564222037413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182758823064395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146936413937501,0.11241436374735812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813545930076876,0.12452580726444552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911199356688654,0.0,0.0,0.09106883606677216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683510690542905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866005247705016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28738567147485544,0.0,0.1966272330188937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515817801303947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635207175184023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27826227187364183,0.0,0.0,0.12924731579084128,0.0,0.0,0.1853787397813501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563253578219704,0.11811574209822168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33279378548441857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669390647968513,0.0,0.1879337125908336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714176529521734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418953775602353,0.0,0.0,0.17768525069739965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784054947477741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010232213276902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116896512411679,0.0,0.1383812341131606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_anathemadevice,2019/09/12,"I really want to run away from my whole life Last night I bumped into someone I haven't seen in years. In front of a group of people he casually introduced me as my rapists ex girlfriend. I was 13. He was 18. He was not my boyfriend. He was a scumbag loser who got young girls drunk and high and slept with them. 

I don't want to live in this city anymore, where everyone knows my past. I am having a really hard day today and self harmed last night. My boyfriend is not being supportive at all. All he's done is slept all day and not asked me how I am even when I was ugly crying for an hour. We're having problems anyway

I took today off my job. They're fairly understanding but I've took so so much time off for depression and illness that they don't like me like they used to and I'm not handling that well

I just want to pack up and leave. I know it's not realistic but the desire to do so is almost overwhelming. I don't know what to do",0.9498999999999996,2.93711819,2.7059999999999995,93.473,82.1,6.0,19.0,7.1686216300943375,0.16864999999999994,738,18,169,10,20,244,117,200,0.187,0.767,0.047,-0.9753,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,10,11,1,1,5,0,20,6,2,2,3,32,37,15,0,5,8,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,4,2,0,4,9,6,1,0,12,2,24,5,22,24,5,29,0,3,1,1,15,11,0,1,16,106,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104553975507586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968991865887215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316800410036986,0.0,0.13233753734678733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472216875048256,0.18167913426647309,0.0,0.12131786424780384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414316382602574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303313767843806,0.0,0.0,0.13459261055627164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265429433500054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617805874786656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882062284888808,0.0,0.0,0.13871341219094924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977646050023565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322300204957921,0.2296306041614199,0.0,0.14914468810580594,0.0,0.0,0.09948977255021972,0.1376288895953727,0.0,0.12437719613236912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035443410652656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26436500867984736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344616577912457,0.09765084734116034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477883344137834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047013254693306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469420714847862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934564909405207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984013570500186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821334524633019,0.0,0.2670273902726561,0.0,0.3129892960787033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146634610532963,0.0,0.12165315346805206,0.0,0.0,0.2492390850181197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664520518238853,0.0,0.0,0.15725913544181847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907057470400534
bpd,Bloodreinaa,2019/09/12,"I just needed to get these out :(  So I woke up today and I haven't even spoken to a single person yet, and I already feel abandoned :/   
I went to the bathroom, took one look in the mirror and just thought ""Oh God, hideous, just die""  
I feel like collapsing on the ground and just crying..  
Yesterday I felt so heavy and dead, almost like a corpse and for a while I was just so furious with everything and everyone, I just feel so alone and tired...  
I hate everything about myself and so many times I feel like I'm just faking everything and I'm just being an attention seeking brat.. and for so long I felt as if I had someone to share all the pain with fully (Martin), he broke my trust so many times and started to show that I meant less and less each day.. yet I was desperate to keep that feeling of having someone finally.. so I'd always be there for him, I'd always supress my feelings so I could be there for him...  
'We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry', I believed everything, even tho it wasn't adding up, I wanted it to be true badly so I could finally have someone with a traumatic sad past/childhood quite like mine that could fully understand me, and God do I miss that now, so many days I regret the very thought of confronting him about it, if I hadn't said anything I'd still have that someone to share all the pain with, I should've kept my mouth shut, yet I couldn't do that, and God I'm so sick of this goddamn cycle I can't seem to escape.. my boyfriend probably hates me for this..  
\- I say something snappy/rude/bitchy/w attitude  
\- I try my hardest to explain myself, for some reason the words that are coming out are even harsher and not at all what I'm trying to say..  
\- I go through a fucking rough time trying to make myself spit out an apology, then I start crying cuz my body won't let me say it, so I write it.. hoping with every bone in my body that he won't hate me for it...  
\- I can feel him get annoyed and I feel such guilt and remorse..  
\- I apologize 100 times despite him saying 'it's fine' and that he understands..  
\- I still feel like a worthless braty bitch w attitude problems...  
\- My head spirals and my thoughts jump to ''He's lying he's fed up'' ''You don't deserve to be with anyone'' ''Maybe you should just break up with him instead of putting him through all the shit I pull and make him endure my fucked up personality''  
''Might as well leave before he does'' ''Who could ever love you anyways look at you, you're such a fucking difficult mess, you fucking psycho bitch''  
''You're lucky he's lasted this long'' ''You never deserved him anyways and he's finally figuring out that he can have so much better'' ''Any other fucking girl would be better than you''   
\- I feel fucking crazy, I cry and cry and apologize and almost beg for reassurance that he loves me and won't leave but also like who fucking wouldn't, I'm honestly meant to be alone that way I won't hurt anyone and noone will have to put up with me..  
\- I feel like I'm insane, I start picking myself apart, every little flaw, I feel an overwhealming urge to punish myself...",1.6757645200548943,3.9296489102773258,2.9306999145498343,91.38140112379921,81.10440456769985,5.719143426810637,21.965069007483365,6.937597516519254,0.5980652476760144,2374,75,492,28,63,765,268,613,0.157,0.757,0.086,-0.9899,0,2,1,0,0,0,94.0,2,7,0,3,46,53,17,1,18,0,42,23,8,5,8,116,105,52,2,15,13,0,15,7,0,9,4,5,0,3,27,42,2,3,26,1,0,8,13,32,1,1,18,22,81,21,59,65,11,58,0,7,2,9,48,19,10,9,36,318,108,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212004814713626,0.11596535936551484,0.06177988484459946,0.04477049234340863,0.09316656983658317,0.0,0.0,0.03807113141657882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829081744442754,0.0,0.04607017275246872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046744414068179765,0.0,0.0,0.047638375256895335,0.06307494861333192,0.0,0.09902683539072303,0.0,0.12437150600373464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822537492420007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879510455079015,0.0,0.2459837728985565,0.0722102709403611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810269312894305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04899209360147135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728574631704843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109309790359066,0.05064085504527833,0.0943380962274125,0.05349523991337299,0.20125972178831147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396871280541096,0.15998030824320034,0.10750709771426,0.18398364944972215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622950133040328,0.05849879950736717,0.0,0.031817073940668066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581822794153755,0.05745587369004183,0.0,0.0,0.06634146924717775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556048778777163,0.0,0.0,0.059932174155138386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976127129290876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563454193472263,0.0,0.11855823048605693,0.0,0.05724757083627933,0.0,0.1914571426410586,0.05611081059238067,0.0,0.09908839509443368,0.0940251464724574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105573478020696,0.0,0.0747396893563806,0.1702773767766242,0.05624358814852234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939031988401865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411547806678633,0.04151152655432077,0.043178416041607735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03793629859616072,0.0,0.11914213312549993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053443191368111626,0.0,0.09776637413250444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603603661161627,0.05356925614557898,0.0,0.11255903671705712,0.0,0.05954601854374241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057561014680775485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053253732397413794,0.17808332400848173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096585367112297,0.0,0.0,0.05746690982051905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974070283700412,0.043099322077865265,0.0,0.0,0.11887757620189775,0.0,0.0894180046786704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333544853970286,0.13057919677101365,0.0643455273110748,0.05306641370220451,0.0,0.06220043364508384,0.11402865782673599,0.0,0.0,0.1165629173495416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619277431232297,0.03302089318209502,0.044437600327841005,0.0,0.0,0.05033646057617485,0.05189785380628624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039769523072292465,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway1243-1243,2019/09/12,"One last post lm sure this will be taken down pretty quick too. Fuck everything, especially this sub. Taking down peoples posts when they don't violate any rules and are just sharing how they actually feel instead of being fake ass happy and ""positive"" is bullshit and triggering as fuck, my feelings matter too. So fuck this place and fucking fuck you everything.",8.2065625,9.36055653125,7.612500000000002,68.9825,61.8125,10.775,36.3125,10.686352973137794,4.25191875,294,13,45,7,4,92,52,64,0.271,0.555,0.175,-0.8927,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,8,10,6,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,1,11,15,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,2,4,3,4,11,0,8,0,0,0,6,4,3,6,0,3,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.16038280480345365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176427173882396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954160462149236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620154201444634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7596989561736139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495462656527191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396794777809173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136844709637696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394024472357235,0.0,0.17171174692312086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148055301669513,0.1672039862799448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548988113697678,0.0,0.12357144950999766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IzzyMemeQueen,2019/09/12,"I just ended my friendship with my only friend and need to vent So, as the title says, i just ended my only friendship, i really really like her but felt like i had to because im in a very bad place and she can't handle it because im unable to just shut up and swallow it for myself, shes also not in the best place right now and i didn't want to be like one of those people that end up being subject of any of the subs that villanize bpd people, i already caused her grief, between having no family or therapist to let out at least a little steam its been very difficult, the last one i had cancelled my therapy and i dont have the money to look for a new one, it has taken a pretty huge toll on me because i kept splitting but having had someone to talk to helped giving me perspective and mitigate it, ive been constantly feeling insecure and not wanted and kept asking her about it, and kind of just clinged to her because i didnt want to be alone anymore, it was very unhealthy and i knew that but just telling myself that and trying to take a step back only works for so long for me, my feelings have been so strong that the constant rush of it coming back just overwhelmed me and it affected my friendship, so i told her that its not working out and i had to say goodbye, i didnt want it to become toxic and i had friendships before where i wasnt smart enough to walk away when it didnt work out because im too much to handle and it ended in such a shitshow i dont ever want to experience that pain again, at least this way i can have the thought that someone likes me , and thats a pretty nice thought to have when i dont really have any support or anyone really, life has dealt me pretty bad cards and i tried to do what i can and feel out of options and thats the best i can hope to get, now im just trying to fight urges to get high or do anything stupid",5.99284263959391,4.63481876649746,6.708228426395942,82.05574365482236,66.91878172588832,9.301319796954315,30.613705583756342,7.908726449838941,1.9075709644670047,1470,43,315,14,20,488,177,394,0.151,0.698,0.151,-0.0062,0,1,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,6,24,22,2,2,15,0,38,3,0,2,1,61,64,33,1,7,16,0,4,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,26,25,1,2,7,0,1,4,13,9,0,3,22,7,44,13,48,38,6,43,0,2,1,0,17,21,0,5,21,230,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776946979316185,0.08286248435799454,0.06004857779901975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212607354101226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446802619356642,0.052503914924588765,0.0,0.061791778645655,0.0,0.07019799880175909,0.0,0.07054850695130474,0.11547748058116067,0.12539221428758485,0.22886752665403184,0.08292980663195726,0.06389513568201209,0.0,0.15760236630564112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457185920422394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771369993878367,0.0,0.06468245101729532,0.0,0.1622888815038987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26401094569271844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660259627155121,0.07758692121348289,0.0,0.0,0.06792222208927702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345136681677862,0.07078714585099552,0.0,0.11390163402617715,0.0,0.07209713343695222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058013509078765214,0.0,0.07846171729412679,0.0720321289671222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033051658484743,0.07933556083970125,0.0,0.0745802348929635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32443565194182783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819354946119574,0.0,0.061207487303705364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678350250873044,0.05303752095635695,0.1467386029539897,0.07525881889745828,0.0,0.06645132642464809,0.06305577655599352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519899200080208,0.055677478655652896,0.0,0.07252134153545672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264657535045742,0.17132550934639235,0.07989989919310157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411439748037432,0.0,0.15690386758932995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291772630042245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924155255681774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412552270654151,0.0,0.11942743732195897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724518717098687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521001033389389,0.0,0.0,0.0564575187754017,0.060353625159830324,0.06563102095333506,0.0,0.08587071779775195,0.08718401721534239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922442120417913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175067567217272,0.0,0.15294133194482626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586865523634094,0.22144693630224074,0.059602085231054334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399687218810402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DebbieWinner,2019/09/12,"DAE feel they just simply can’t handle life somedays? Cancelling all appointments I have today because I “have food poisoning”. No one will question it, but it is pathetic I can’t even handle getting a filling today. Ugh. Way, way too much going on.",3.3410869565217425,6.164288326086957,4.415391304347828,79.79265217391305,78.78260869565217,6.288695652173913,28.76521739130435,7.554174236665415,2.259109565217391,197,9,31,3,5,64,37,46,0.28800000000000003,0.7120000000000001,0.0,-0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,5,9,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605342769152724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075360745046846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602896693951695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492253034468312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088918985299898,0.0,0.1641350780128664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399218484898493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21230560510116836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570238737891596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235287624994094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475085464563303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584814436497873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GidgetCooper,2019/09/12,"“I could tell it was because of the BPD” My mother went and did the one thing you probably shouldn’t do in regards to anyone you have the privilege of knowing if they suffer a mental disorder. She went a blamed an action (minor, literally a blip on anyone else’s radar and it was because I was half awake) on BPD. 

Cool cool cool cool cool cool. I’m not my own person. I’m my mental disorder. Anything I do is a result of my mental disorder and not me. I knew this was coming for a bit, she takes caring too far if things are not in her control (like medical and mental issues) and she went pushed that iceberg over. She doesn’t know just how much privilege she lost with me and how much it cements me leaving once I have my finances together. Can’t save a sinking ship.",2.775961538461541,4.461474929487182,4.2938461538461565,85.65115384615386,75.34615384615384,7.107692307692307,24.82051282051281,7.882392219407189,1.374220512820513,603,20,121,9,13,201,92,156,0.10300000000000001,0.745,0.153,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,2,5,13,0,0,10,6,15,1,0,4,0,24,27,10,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,3,0,1,6,6,2,0,2,10,6,22,11,11,15,4,12,0,2,0,0,12,6,0,2,1,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018276998425114,0.12469004629734808,0.100143923241488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836725871345158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285850231959753,0.0,0.30653906446884804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407530484620975,0.0,0.0,0.1048287418119629,0.0,0.0,0.13649034636351667,0.09716288303438518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184161453927192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165985378081624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270170840984063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375985361542767,0.0,0.0,0.12885654235804994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059453618721091915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284354929932835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259406158170386,0.490556355056506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891841727473995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296003068893075,0.08246311111295994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625864503839393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131206885280047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149886199377526,0.0,0.10636605821466248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169638266461894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33843511175218205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,s33dy136,2019/09/12,"How does someone with BPD deal with another person with BPD? I\[19 F\] met someone with BPD recently. While he has a pleasant mask, he comes across as someone with more aggressive and externalised traits. Mine is more of the quiet/internalised type. He was sending a lot of mixed messages, hitting on me but also bringing up other girls in front of me. I am quite confused and distressed since I'm not very sure how to interpret this, and it basically triggered my relapse. 

Is he just being a bastard or is it his BPD acting up? How are interactions between two BPD persons irl/face-to-face usually like, and how they should/could be handled better?",6.401500000000002,7.608067483333333,6.288333333333334,76.69500000000002,65.83333333333334,9.0,35.83333333333333,9.188382445141503,3.3883333333333336,518,25,88,9,8,163,88,120,0.132,0.795,0.07200000000000001,-0.8289,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,2,2,4,0,9,0,0,5,1,23,14,13,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,10,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,4,0,1,2,0,7,4,16,9,3,13,0,0,0,0,14,5,1,3,4,58,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012482021124871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275930458037652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197429958212246,0.0,0.0,0.7972903827057206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906139851720303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010860163398831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305270698292733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107953282449428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185416988273814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763741359808947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109807352677416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466296672072112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500991631462402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473127034621296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218231030795447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193263416020822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367741178960727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944059118063182,0.10446468432458828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thedirt69,2019/09/12,"Do I have BPD? Unable to get professional help Hey kind of new to reddit. Would have never come one here to ask this question but I'm desperate please help me if you can find the time, thanks. throughout my adolescence I was always very depressed. This caused my behavior to become risky and impulsive because ultimately I wanted to self-destruct, that I know. Last year, when I was 16, after a huge several month long drug binge including copious amounts of ecstasy weekly, I became dependent on cocaine and alcohol and was never really able to become sober until meeting my now-boyfriend, several months after I became addicted to these substances. I am now sober but I am also faced with this crushing reality. I don't want to live. I wake up for the person I love and them only. I have no job, I dropped out of school after trying to commit suicide earlier this year. I feel completely empty and utterly hopeless so much that I can physically feel this enormous weight in my stomach and chest. But now to my main and very concerning symptoms- I cannot seem to stop crying most times throughout the day, I overthink so violently and harshly at all times that it makes it very hard to think positively at all. Theres evil in my brain that's constantly yelling at me about everything I do (in a negative light of course). I can't stand to be alone. Being alone has become the absolute worst thing ever and I never in my life want to be left alone ever again, its absolutely impossible for me to not yearn death and think suicidal thoughts at large when i'm alone. It's hell. I have very little self control over any impulsive thought any my emotions seem to entirely shift every 30 minutes but to extremes like extreme sadness, anger etc... I hate the way I look and I feel like every-time I look in the mirror I get slightly more distorted. Ive told my SO about some of these but I can't have him being afraid of me because I know that if he left me, there would be nothing stopping me from killing myself. I cannot afford therapy and I believe my parents would be against it. I just need someone to respond and recognize this. please recognize me because I feel as if I am not even alive anymore. Theres nothing more that I want than this fire that's swallowing me to be put out. {I had no idea what BPD was until a week ago or so, can anyone on this forum relate to anything im saying?}Anything helps. so sorry if this bummed u out.",4.491666666666667,6.131274891719746,5.2959394904458605,80.39618099787687,70.78343949044586,8.545435244161357,30.06847133757961,9.075114841892004,2.6253146496815294,1938,80,359,39,36,630,248,471,0.223,0.6759999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9971,3,4,3,0,1,5,48.0,0,1,1,1,21,17,6,1,9,0,35,13,5,4,8,71,65,34,4,13,13,1,7,2,0,3,5,1,0,2,25,18,3,3,15,0,0,2,13,12,0,1,8,11,59,5,56,47,11,58,1,4,2,1,17,21,1,11,34,244,84,3,0.07267144582245909,0.0,0.0,0.07922260265476222,0.0,0.0,0.06441885197747567,0.07766367478627796,0.0,0.3010628052429026,0.0,0.058115328968750324,0.06046846451243261,0.0,0.0,0.09883815033866797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207054685587035,0.050813564614340716,0.0,0.11960481580681373,0.0,0.06793799191991462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289951658419208,0.2407797072161327,0.0,0.08187583375751017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305428405764945,0.08112536742797777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465359313072026,0.0,0.0626000158064786,0.07619462831273224,0.07853201592997239,0.08150720586835107,0.0,0.0,0.07982617084776505,0.04686707059677347,0.0,0.06259180980037132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842758054969781,0.0,0.0,0.08174559524106932,0.0,0.0,0.08104787192119227,0.04799880458500543,0.13147096653041102,0.06122882739917941,0.0,0.06531240962334918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697946616186794,0.051916495416006236,0.0,0.0,0.06642038492748102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593566207784026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509934133026504,0.07174800753377937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461304148593824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203721673476905,0.07849763197096939,0.0,0.07211519659074644,0.0,0.08040018763208516,0.07567612784071334,0.07987665220305525,0.059236927673972525,0.0,0.0,0.15791547703976505,0.0,0.05132999133438243,0.07100719530467511,0.07283588018793657,0.06417021806383848,0.06431194271584023,0.1220514234390876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065588817137446,0.0,0.04850875438951637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601130945890385,0.0,0.05342187436323257,0.053884956260806936,0.16814609721242238,0.07018653521977275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394604244527636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924405244109867,0.055269909248746224,0.0,0.0,0.08069304050005115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345390342383529,0.0,0.1595428493749077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730548750395916,0.08140865096284003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655518905258802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354738291565567,0.0,0.13231470985628194,0.15162433409249204,0.16419609734943766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615742802176143,0.0,0.0,0.0813497338993424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151316543903007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898153335365348,0.0,0.0,0.07553345760917167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690610359665368,0.08310613167728581,0.0,0.04827967948338205,0.09312985627731836,0.0,0.11538602100752547,0.12712591340208731,0.0,0.0,0.06944068074975286,0.0,0.049339141434462136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398462142920899,0.17145400639329314,0.057683211116496436,0.11658530072947695,0.0884942432102643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548711301999018,0.0,0.0,0.0935960569654422
bpd,Quviasuliqpunga,2019/09/12,"Say It With Me: Self-confirmations I am wonderful and so is the world. 
Even when I make mistakes, I know I am loved and not alone. 
I always try to be myself. I am good as I am!
I am beautiful in and out. I am handsome and sexy. 
I am deserving of care and respect from myself and others. 

What are your self-affirmations? What are positive things that you during hard times to remind yourself that it’ll be okay?",0.765542168674699,3.16208537349398,2.859048192771088,89.34784939759041,86.83132530120483,6.211566265060243,20.34819277108434,7.554174236665415,0.8345672289156632,318,10,67,6,10,107,55,83,0.040999999999999995,0.593,0.366,0.9852,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,13,1,0,1,0,13,18,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,15,6,8,15,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796842298995865,0.0,0.0,0.22469831059635864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27532794104431874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783615705782966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265001654316613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419064571226004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840916625581915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437253289566741,0.0,0.18025652293877856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147498943037041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5634297478957139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940529007180508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574648769668191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833422068178864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928512896945437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PoutineOrgy,2019/09/12,"It's hard to explain, but does anybody else feel this way? I constantly hate on myself, i openly express how stupid i am, constantly tell myself I'm a worthless piece of shit and i don't deserve to be happy, when somebody doesn't acknowledge something I say or react to a joke I make, these feelings tend to spiral into a thought rabbit hole of how much i hate myself and how I'm not welcomed either because im stupid and they think I'm annoying, or because I'm ugly and undesirable to be around. 

But on the other side, if somebody supports me, laughs at my jokes or somebody that shows interest in me, i feel an overwhelming amount of happiness, almost to tears, I could make a joke and get a tiny giggle out of somebody and I'll be thinking about that for a few days, even a week, ill replay the moment in my head, or look at the DM or whatever and I'll still be washed with joy and watery eyes.

I would say I'm addicted to the verification of others, but on the other hand would that mean I'm also addicted to hating myself? 

Am i narcissistic? Can i be narcissistic if i hate myself so much? My emotions feel like a cursor going over a colour grid, an Aurora Borealis of things i don't know how to interpret, am i really sad? Do i really hate myself? Does everybody feel this way and they just deal with it? 

This is a mess, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.",5.006079831932774,5.124249650000003,6.468529411764706,78.02235294117648,68.57142857142857,9.445378151260504,29.327731092436967,9.325443323948027,2.429382352941176,1082,36,214,20,17,371,144,280,0.22699999999999998,0.632,0.141,-0.9835,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,0,12,25,9,1,17,0,19,8,4,7,0,53,51,26,0,5,13,0,7,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,14,15,0,0,14,4,0,1,5,13,0,0,1,12,30,12,30,42,6,23,0,3,3,0,9,13,1,8,8,145,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474067225168366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781057255221196,0.0,0.0,0.08609936390061368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677438036350917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958443449097571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126271551923788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326944280411557,0.0,0.08596144449499875,0.0,0.0,0.06943477801592013,0.11099750365567604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884360825380574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993998124836126,0.12110821493788144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111147120893073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721923537117321,0.07691563156548338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625032429730896,0.0,0.06118828907347557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292219964766353,0.09644635896148274,0.5314826500523273,0.1104949693007993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629627329545293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833932745853808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052599498760358084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041117126705532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437339500837819,0.0,0.0,0.11727834256934633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829177887046322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379454348733367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712384666314101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051619318653913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288549044733039,0.0,0.12052173611516225,0.0,0.0,0.08598111078433435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217654366882848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410363014995904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715275946399601,0.13797429228946356,0.0,0.0854736881650695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091834023844973,0.08636207013787439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296372498611935,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,str8shooters,2019/09/12,"Youth of /r/BPD, are you optimistic about the future and BPD? Random question. Though I'll just go on a limb to assume 70% would say no.",0.8991666666666696,3.078571535714285,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,83.64285714285714,5.161904761904762,16.476190476190478,6.42735559955562,-0.3830380952380947,105,2,23,1,3,34,27,28,0.08,0.836,0.084,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.795552144798042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949312596451011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538012082700349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511602148585408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31030078134689626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435614373826346,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snowyellownotwhite,2019/09/12,"How did you guys meet your partner? I (35 F) have never had any long/ real relationship with someone. Always nothing last for more than 2 dates. I don’t mind, but sometimes I felt a frustrated that I might never be able to experience what it feels to have a person that can be your “default”. I just need someone would constantly reach out to me, or otherwise I cannot see they’re interested in me enough. And it makes me angry and sad.",4.467131782945739,5.517630441860469,5.504651162790698,81.12620155038762,70.16279069767441,8.524031007751939,28.286821705426355,8.841846274778883,2.0957193798449607,342,12,68,6,6,113,67,86,0.187,0.8,0.013000000000000001,-0.9512,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,2,18,16,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,3,12,1,8,9,2,8,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,2,6,48,17,0,0.2058768053626054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130599450870318,0.0,0.0,0.14000328746304633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224796875219353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127257742786281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013870203062973,0.0,0.0,0.10409749869719392,0.0,0.19767401894251235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038504052142095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781707438169827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219449418065856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742436623913248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840275604795084,0.20787688453619446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265504252084333,0.3175697683962056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754434727356565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976368540405685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343328766713661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210346417158745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405715891415046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34887749817650016,0.0,0.20361742475989886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624897563548062,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway3344444556,2019/09/12,Has anyone had an abnormal EEG? I have been diagnosed with BPD and also Temporal lobe dysfunction. My eegs are always abnormal and my neuropsych testing is indicative of an organic illness. But I am still told I have bpd AND TLE.  I am having trouble believing I really have BPD. My symptoms are very random not related to emotions,4.450999999999997,7.307807433333338,6.206666666666668,68.375,74.66666666666666,10.666666666666668,35.0,10.504223727775694,5.1389999999999985,266,15,39,10,6,91,44,60,0.136,0.8640000000000001,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,12,3,0,0,0,7,13,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,3,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537317457152206,0.1720692649483842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445952494923885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329861465027651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7813498248407561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989166805538148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326155393445936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324776017450359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514604289068105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493825971300895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760063349497975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062679748303844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boobtittykaka,2019/09/12,"I'm worried I'll end my life very soon 
 .
Hi,  I'm sorry if this is a long read. I'm working through a plan to end my life. As far as I can remember I have felt very sad and it has gotten better and gotten worse but I'm tired of waking up everyday thinking that this is another fight, another chance  I'm tired of fighting. I'm well aware other people have a much worse quality of life and are insanely poor and are genuinely struggling but I still feel this way??? . I have tried to get so much help, contacted MIND through advise from here and by a close friend  (got no reply yet) been on the NHS waiting list for over a year, nearly 2 years in fact  Tried self improvement i.e yoga,meditation,mindfulness, CBT, CBD , DBT, been on a few anti phycotics to help with bpd that did not work.. It cost me 130 pounds to be diagnosed with that and  my family firmly believe I don't have it and think everyone has the symptoms of it, everyone has unstable parts of themselves.basically I've tried it all it seems . I have an arthritic knee from a previous injury which causes pain which stops me from running for exercise, even swimming hurts, most probably made worse but my 17 stone body either way I have always ended up like this which is really extremely sad and not wanting to be here. I've gotten to the point where I don't want anyone to save me or notify my loved ones about how I'm feeling because of the deep embaressment it causes me. I just want to be brought out of this suicidal state. Does anybody have any advice on this? I feel like a definite lost cause, it's a lot. I know.

P.s I'm not doing this for attention, I really just want some help to get out of this? I have exhausted all my resources 

Thankyou

Katy",4.3284210526315805,5.3844114473684215,5.321301169590644,82.29230263157895,70.49122807017544,9.091812865497076,27.700292397660817,9.408791572840183,2.292190643274853,1353,46,272,29,24,445,192,342,0.213,0.6659999999999999,0.121,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,3,2,38.0,0,0,0,5,13,16,2,1,14,0,26,14,3,5,3,53,57,17,1,5,11,0,4,2,1,0,10,0,0,1,23,13,0,2,10,3,2,3,6,9,1,1,11,4,23,7,41,43,10,32,0,4,0,1,11,15,0,6,13,167,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027593917515174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687034681988619,0.0,0.0,0.06282384509703674,0.19374399239385512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459658545250416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631603191512384,0.0,0.0,0.10408439817110143,0.0,0.08170556449929116,0.0,0.10261707410488544,0.11635359369415045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470944193378245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376715430766484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808452910348244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24547267843482426,0.0,0.0,0.06101833054865637,0.0,0.0,0.17655249742764653,0.0,0.0,0.08709079927602219,0.0,0.14013539078218432,0.06599868279243133,0.08870250242538759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713751460626997,0.0,0.09653297345959734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388740335962944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857678338907547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988982855343098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077147242921837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957592739265505,0.09026767545346727,0.0,0.0,0.08175635649241345,0.0,0.0,0.10084733824607656,0.07854101943120971,0.0833795791163995,0.08741535830511481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656169337171524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582478216313054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260134799992514,0.0,0.09830239656008047,0.0,0.0,0.10004216398396744,0.0,0.06404698186160694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733212548793642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960487513199832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240834897710247,0.0,0.11836627761573172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465232505458892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841023310087011,0.0963759807860488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341559536809766,0.0,0.0,0.07377746163294495,0.0772366161915683,0.0,0.09657913466904977,0.0,0.10105238908737263,0.0,0.0,0.09602167228387946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839103918128613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236213845316693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881666887580412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245187573994826,0.2179603706060969,0.1466592042633435,0.0,0.0,0.0830637253032519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451235631295785,0.0938197750307069,0.2824395746612645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189836953512866
bpd,70throwaway70,2019/09/12,"I cannot stop snooping through my husbands messages 33M here. I was diagnosed with BPD around 4 years ago. I was prescribed anti-depressants and I go to weekly therapy (can't afford DBT where I live). I have gotten better at managing my symptoms but there is something that has been weighing me down for a long time now. I know all of my husband's (30M) social media information. He is not aware of this. I regularly sign into his accounts and monitor his messages to his friends. This has been going on for over 2 years. At first I felt very guilty for doing it out of impulse but now I do it out of habit without a second thought. This has created many problems as you can imagine because I've found out things he doesn't want me to know. Nothing bad, just things he avoids telling me to not trigger me. This has caused many episodes and breakdowns as a result and I can never tell him the truth behind what started it or else he'll find out. He sometimes vents to his friends when things are difficult between us and it makes me terrified he's going to leave. Seeing him being affectionate with friends also pushes me over the edge and brings my jealousy to a boiling point. I know how terrible what I am doing is and that it is a huge breach of privacy but I do not know how to stop. I want to. I don't want to live a lie anymore. My husband is sweetest man on this Earth and I can't believe I've been betraying him for so long now.",3.324554722638683,4.88541426206897,4.301184407796104,86.6826911544228,73.6206896551724,6.9745127436281855,29.160419790104946,7.586124646067393,1.731898050974512,1136,48,229,14,23,368,159,290,0.11900000000000001,0.7659999999999999,0.114,-0.1122,1,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,2,14,11,0,1,8,0,29,4,0,6,3,52,48,19,0,4,9,3,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,17,16,2,3,10,0,1,5,10,5,0,2,9,2,37,6,40,37,1,37,0,0,1,0,28,16,0,1,16,162,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679166098830499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634186762012838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947641367103196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724612553575358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058956058811501,0.07343895813568753,0.0,0.0,0.13573132729568207,0.0,0.10654819465546796,0.0,0.0,0.1517309797167502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375851112594045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037628446899816,0.12227711870895952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063937031159284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156725561198382,0.0,0.11010974291141397,0.10247390321897816,0.0,0.13209195055049305,0.2792304172740999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540200689369725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264834286892664,0.0,0.0,0.12756305268157273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275896613044806,0.21322885997442864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041637338618687,0.24428054630691684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291586990867308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559667637861762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388551518110045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527597562473413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600103758135843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280660971620662,0.0,0.09274566717500687,0.11915044839234035,0.0,0.08527110238589336,0.0,0.0,0.2014409194022589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252171243457366,0.0,0.0,0.21059666570698685,0.0,0.1377708786743567,0.0,0.24010985941581814,0.0,0.0,0.09564176060242144,0.07024852213350646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449136636758694,0.0,0.0,0.09940248397691533,0.21317352254555896,0.0,0.09663582576786067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613125468964247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516076549750502
bpd,spokensilences,2019/09/12,Best friend moved away & I’m having trouble coping One of my best friends recently moved away  and by best friend I mean the only close friend I have . We hung out pretty much every week and now I kind of feel lost and empty knowing I won’t have that anymore. Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to cope with this?,2.267727272727271,4.227049409090913,2.8242424242424238,94.40636363636366,77.63636363636364,5.006060606060606,18.575757575757574,5.46131890053228,-0.4354969696969699,255,5,54,1,6,79,51,66,0.081,0.581,0.33799999999999997,0.9741,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,4,2,10,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,1,6,8,9,8,4,10,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520505345570325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859255207058366,0.0,0.10581334647097107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543134046657502,0.10879914890229968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923826736979289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4898778503565998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616662236450508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109972425426858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867604322730641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808647447849282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620334720419823,0.0855136993715725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698557980019379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949403287398512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307563838068579,0.11438391515333562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543859764130152,0.11834082359327018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583011552467479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536362438405318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248129469970892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittyinblackxo,2019/09/12,Can’t break depression Ive just been ridiculously sad for days. Everything takes so much energy and is so not worth it. Any advice? Words of encouragement? Thanks.,2.4252873563218422,4.841149517241384,2.9777586206896562,82.32227011494255,105.55172413793105,8.829885057471264,18.626436781609193,8.344100000000001,2.4648574712643687,132,4,23,5,6,41,28,29,0.29100000000000004,0.505,0.204,-0.5308,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230229513690562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29438550971747585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279183420962874,0.0,0.3728544447479982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389060842032454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31822986692073946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32548544883410496,0.0,0.0,0.3985543505826918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheOneNamedZoe,2019/09/12,"Continuously deleting and rewriting your messages only to respond with emojis because you feel like you keep fucking their day up each time you talk to them because life throws one disgusting vomit sludge ball after another and you can tell your horrible life is bringing everyone down: a mood. And it always happens when they're having something great happen to them.
And said person is your FP.",9.379782608695653,10.17894172463768,8.067934782608695,67.94364130434785,59.28985507246377,9.798550724637682,38.98913043478261,9.516144504307137,4.0509391304347835,325,15,46,5,4,99,55,69,0.09,0.8240000000000001,0.086,-0.0772,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,7,3,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,8,11,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,2,10,2,7,10,1,9,0,0,0,1,16,2,1,0,6,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270993986709245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24285302895349625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28236269440400685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936298497531753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213039394916908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710403230070153,0.16545524663805053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214110675567213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553400650999799,0.0,0.0,0.4096066272565728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058569208974156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32717217555254485,0.11314817109736082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569383059625223,0.17614240701606754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222438277104607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030484938974584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829716776105944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861514875692713,0.20242880438083166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350479533687539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,winterwritings,2019/09/12,"Acting myself? They say I’m not acting myself, but what really is it to be acting myself if I don’t really know who I am? I feel like a different person everyday with the same shit baggage following me around. What if these things that I’m doing that aren’t myself are normal instinct for me I just don’t do them out of fear? What if I am this dangerous malicious person they seem to think I am? What if I have dangerous intentions, I just suppress them?  They can’t know what it is to act like myself if I don’t, right? I don’t know anything anymore.",2.8343859649122787,4.248054017543866,4.772807017543864,83.40464912280704,74.6140350877193,8.224561403508767,23.19298245614036,8.841846274778883,1.6115508771929818,434,12,88,9,9,149,60,114,0.17300000000000001,0.77,0.055999999999999994,-0.948,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,3,6,3,1,2,0,16,1,1,1,0,22,25,6,0,6,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,13,3,0,1,6,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,0,2,22,2,8,24,1,9,0,0,0,0,9,3,1,6,3,71,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275344394659113,0.0,0.0,0.18880261014566074,0.20424271459852966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970712926627896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581742703978803,0.11600748122884365,0.16390593937269876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782687258176815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417732467059448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247941981287506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006615455919888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939594413372297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593328318606676,0.0,0.18245317082306284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886585889553,0.0,0.0,0.2355081807358297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242412175411998,0.1470104680069769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buttplugexpert36902,2019/09/12,I'm feeling 22 🎈🎉 It's my bday today !!😀,-7.6549999999999985,-8.4979965,-0.26333333333333186,104.07500000000002,139.0,1.6,12.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.850366666666666,30,1,10,0,3,14,12,12,0.0,0.7929999999999999,0.207,0.2695,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706552012210276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8823172227513152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,galaxychildxo,2019/09/12,"No more refills on my meds. Ugh I don't know when I'll be able to get another. My meds changed my life. they took me from being a totally out of control abuser to just...normal. The mood swings and meltdowns are already back. I fucking hate it. I feel so bad for my husband who has to put up with this shit.

Sometimes I wish I never went on meds to begin with so I'd never have known how much different life could be. How much different *I* could be. Bleh.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.",-0.3786134453781501,1.870587245098044,1.5965266106442575,96.59294117647059,93.21568627450979,4.4829131652661065,19.050420168067227,6.1826913282559595,-0.06506386554621901,377,12,84,4,14,124,73,102,0.192,0.757,0.05,-0.9496,2,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,3,0,2,0,10,4,1,3,3,17,21,6,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,2,1,13,1,15,13,4,13,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,5,57,16,0,0.15024761296322492,0.1780188526899349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580197704849362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754772252264582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553114013705185,0.12545048097730668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894205239256728,0.12942501473497298,0.0,0.0,0.168515473752102,0.239920986383196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139535539445367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596970754985623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890149712672084,0.07849817653174848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833841194179573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257215877005285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224866477145346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006736813071383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089856647977696,0.0,0.2317604431775425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104034969719965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422701559053587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859873104214508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076334002141376,0.0,0.138327815613113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693062632877428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392810424833309,0.0,0.0,0.17277733996190478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Xglitter,2019/02/06,"Everyone's forgot about me. My parents never even knew I was in the house

My boyfriend doesn't even want to talk to me

I haven't heard from my any of my friends in a year

Does it get better?",-0.4085714285714275,1.6763686190476186,1.1717142857142877,101.62328571428571,89.0,4.312380952380953,17.923809523809524,5.6839178017228535,-0.6552819047619045,150,4,37,1,5,48,32,42,0.03,0.82,0.149,0.6983,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,8,2,7,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139128652084973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782044202885863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275275221011422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155303101152567,0.0,0.0,0.3005773566241419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430297282085214,0.0,0.16434559925409825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36296217567089095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426095140057403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492837418872297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528329237777722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553674686037044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256753742448974
bpd,Brusien,2019/02/06,"Broke up and back together After spending an entire afternoon reading about nihilism, something triggered another part of me that is really psychopathic and broke up with my fiancee. Immediate regret after and one day later we're back together, but I feel like I made the worst mistake of my life. The person that broke it off wasn't the real me. And now she's sleeping at a friends house because my parents wont let her come in again. She helped me with BPD for 4 months since diagnosed. We're looking for apartments together to rent, because I can't stand my family. I'm extremelly depressed and took 3 xans, maybe will smoke weed later. I just feel like the worst.",5.643571428571431,7.145183833333332,5.9779365079365085,77.13928571428572,67.80952380952381,9.092063492063492,33.04761904761905,9.444778638647367,3.211990476190476,537,24,93,11,9,172,90,126,0.205,0.7190000000000001,0.076,-0.9591,2,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,6,0,6,3,1,2,0,17,13,6,0,2,2,1,2,2,2,2,2,0,1,1,3,8,0,0,2,1,2,2,3,8,0,1,3,3,14,3,15,7,3,20,0,5,1,0,8,6,0,0,13,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715731132000946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744882276375381,0.0,0.2176058619876093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479588129834235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153749209366504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151081985642615,0.0,0.15372905494745476,0.18115873708925995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825997680563853,0.0,0.1804949761143616,0.2550197478533097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789723507929028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963487793403013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594797530463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251322603640446,0.12606938644948468,0.17439772173822485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988262873468836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888702690922186,0.0,0.0,0.17931238944979588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246519651064804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094620155092704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818670999406,0.19328209559976708,0.0,0.0,0.1558464060583114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853351656878705,0.20315525112011174,0.11434219970281145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476448150363658,0.0,0.17861411582288986,0.0,0.0,0.13740663922508653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983036422260425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wibblywobblyrebel,2019/02/06,Arg my period Someone please tell me I am not the only who is a super mega bitch on her period? I am splitting like crazy and taking everything out on everyone.,5.262812499999999,5.68564965625,7.243750000000002,71.62625000000001,68.0625,11.4,28.5,11.20814326018867,3.4898875,127,4,23,4,2,45,28,32,0.159,0.617,0.22399999999999998,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971092557959983,0.3735009809774063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303382814763804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31607110259730703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561875078036885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521238030702644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31246818312100594,0.0,0.3632395882512703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CryptoLyf01,2019/02/06,"I'm not really sure why I'm posting this but this is a full list of all my issues right now. (16M) - I'm not talking to my dad
- I have anxiety
- I might get kicked out of school
- My grades are very bad
- I have a health issue that only I know about, and I'm too big of a coward to go to a doctor.
- I have 3 friends left
- I'm trying to stop smoking
- I have tics
- I have mood swings
- Going to school causes me a lot of anxety

I think that my issues finally got me, this is game over for me... now seeking a new coping mechanisam to keep me going for another 2 weeks.",-0.5556079404466487,1.2026007096774227,2.4993548387096785,94.13249379652606,86.25806451612901,5.750868486352358,16.796526054590572,7.010146845296331,-0.1187176178660052,424,9,103,6,13,151,75,124,0.135,0.8290000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.888,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,9,2,0,1,2,14,22,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,16,2,15,20,3,16,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,6,61,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995826747946596,0.12399313139272335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353326221412311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665039962899206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589892562696054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755411855077258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522500456427071,0.0,0.08468173243009311,0.0,0.2763466906851132,0.0,0.12963266533736795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722867608625417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075179521295158,0.0,0.14406691065435248,0.0,0.0,0.08907663545933113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610376741752687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377972594005743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194456022034205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654087244497875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327150480732264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523081031684474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383458719415398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384180857377611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32807351015720776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355087330626491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276140792884602,0.0,0.0,0.13027625989403258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038563088110656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004378862202388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373553602675847,0.0,0.0,0.13001328982336702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625479150461942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yo_dawg_its_dawg,2019/02/06,"I don't know how much longer I'm going to last at my job. Long and very much needed vent I work in an asbestos lab, so there's no confusion later in the post.

I would love to look for a new job, but there isn't a lot of lab work where I live. Realistically, I know I'm not a good waitress so there's no point leaving a crap job for one that will be worse. When I was at uni I kept leaving my waitressing jobs, so I can see that happening again.

My manager (the lab manager) is too quiet it actually infuriates me. I'm new, so I'm not the fastest, he wanted to get a job done sooner (that I was working on) because the client was asking about it. So he just asks how many samples I have left and grabs some off me, doesn't even explain why, which was so fucking rude. I only knew that was the reason because I asked him why he did that. He does crap like this all the time, bitches about the company but doesn't say anything to them. He was bitching about not having enough laptops (a girl that used to work there left so now there's a spare laptop) and so another manager says ""we're going to have to take this laptop for someone else"" and he just said OK. I felt like saying ""why didn't you say you're thinking of hiring someone new so you might need it?"" But that isn't my place. I saw a mistake he made today that was pretty big, it took me half an hour get him to realise there wasn't a type of asbestos that he claimed was in a sample. So he rudely takes my samples off of me, but takes forever not admitting his mistake (he fucking walked out while I was having a look at it). He has no sense of personal space, when he was showing me how to use a microscope his fucking arm was rested on mine the whole fucking time and it took like 20 minutes, I froze and got scared and didn't say anything (huge fucking trigger for me, past sexual abuse I know that wasn't sexual abuse but that's why I got scared) and he's fucking married. He always goes to grab something too close to me, but doesn't explain what he's doing and just stands too close to me. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I've started to be short with him and haven't made the effort to talk to him. He also bitched about the other girl who used to work there to me for leaving early, when I heard her ask him if it was alright and he said yes. 

In the interview, before I got the job he didn't even say anything. The general manager is really chatty and did all the talking, but even when he said ""do you have anything to add?"" He just said no.  I only accepted this job because I had no option.  I wasn't getting any shifts at the restaurant I worked at, had two interviews, I only got an offer from this job and not the other one I wanted and my tenancy was about to expire so I needed to accept one fast. But now I only work with one guy in the lab. Yeah people are upstairs but I don't talk to them. And I heard the general manage say ""a lot of people say it's racist, but I've just noticed the same type of people doing the same things"" I didn't know the context of what he was on about, but I don't need to as that is a disgusting thing to say. He also says some crude stuff about women like ""I used to go to the gym but just to look at the ladies"" and referring one of the employees in another office as ""a pair of tits and teeth"". 

I know jobs aren't perfect, but I feel like this job is actually pretty shit and my bad mood has been showing for a while and I really hope I find a new one before I just walk out.
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bpd,yauc-OIC,2019/02/06,"Bipolar misdiagnosis? So most of the time my mood is depressed, just an empty feeling that leaves me feeling devoid of all emotions, everything in life just feels the same and it isn't affected by anything I do. Sometimes my mood will change for about 5 or so days where I'll feel depressed or more, and several times a year I'll get episodes (last 5 days to 2 months) where my emotions come back in full force and I feel extremely confident, outgoing hypersexual, energetic and focused, and extremely happy / euphoric to levels that surpass what majority of people will ever feel in their day to day lives. Sometimes these episodes are brought on by heavy drug use where so much strain is put on my mind that it triggers the response. During these periods I can get auditory hallucinations like people calling my name from a distance or seeing small silhouette animals that disappear when I look directly at them. I've also experienced paranoia like being absolutely convinced people are breaking into my house, being convinced that something is after me or being convinced that everyone in my life is against me. My inhibitions are lowered and I'll just start doing whatever the fuck I want without thinking twice about how it affects others.

The thing I notice is sometimes the way every single person acts towards me will change, which isn't true it's just my perception of them changing. In the past I've gone through phases (generally when I'm feeling really good) where I completely cut people out of my life who were friends / good acquaintances because when I feel that good I become convinced I have no need for these people in my life, so why should I include them? I also tend to isolate myself and feel happier without having to deal with people.

The big thing here is most of the time my feelings affect my relationships, not the other way around. People usually aren't the trigger for my emotions because nothing significant will change in my life and I'll suddenly become extremely happy or extremely sad for no discernable reason.",11.36850476839237,9.536841455040873,10.428649523160765,61.14853286784742,56.79291553133515,13.098705722070846,45.2808242506812,11.698219412168324,5.493011035422344,1662,82,254,36,16,531,196,367,0.092,0.7559999999999999,0.153,0.9784,1,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,0,24,21,2,1,14,0,26,8,0,8,3,58,51,23,0,3,12,0,10,2,1,5,7,0,0,1,21,13,0,0,14,0,0,6,8,6,0,1,3,13,36,13,40,40,9,52,0,3,2,1,11,22,1,7,23,183,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205318898715607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062015455916489035,0.06708702307493113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794774615078794,0.0,0.09187839755395694,0.16646000099266411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695172654484472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188866203104626,0.06491659210259039,0.0790142868633944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944057339780532,0.07769359888702236,0.12981616485001304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739451610487257,0.0,0.0,0.25431201865122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816809067566351,0.06349466149465546,0.07201040270490443,0.06772936076986526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810464713692217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822350956210875,0.06966977635566696,0.07874573732355407,0.0,0.0,0.18962700319066472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044578719160646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695615907419234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061429049524679966,0.0,0.07979612704893779,0.0,0.0,0.2661475454243216,0.07363488770022826,0.0,0.0665449012674748,0.0,0.06328402931581853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609284980243168,0.0,0.0601522120913877,0.0,0.05539880434079527,0.0558790230478937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723106485838717,0.08579868544152901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194033971031752,0.3657194677118256,0.06580207868663147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575834387505173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048278010461349816,0.07748337710005063,0.0,0.08090921619662751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005274121805754,0.0,0.0,0.08513616920978108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058016368263068635,0.2236010533924738,0.0,0.05334070937117557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013263477617698,0.04828810995205743,0.0,0.0,0.13183033517921974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508747051825248,0.08299919222830524,0.0,0.04444970841459616,0.11963567225903705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800133313074018,0.0,0.0,0.14529010020949293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852983640786568
bpd,justcreafeffs13,2019/02/06,I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. He gave me a funny look and didn't say it back. I played it off as a joke. Feels bad man. ,-1.9417647058823528,-0.25861311764705874,-0.1279411764705891,111.11926470588236,91.94117647058823,3.4000000000000004,11.441176470588234,3.1291,-2.2461529411764705,110,1,33,0,4,35,30,34,0.092,0.607,0.301,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,6,3,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,3,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228428721251227,0.3505617060486604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212291496048652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35712877288535216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525727770465066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789358739086855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338858510033557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448210492474187,0.0,0.0,0.4011898093783228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaydaysleeper,2019/02/06,"Maniac on Netflix has been a breath of fresh air (*Spoilers*) I binged it back in August when I went through a very traumatic breakup, and I'm so glad I did. It showed the first open representation of BPD I had ever seen in media and the entire series was depicted the struggle with mental illness with so much honesty. It has become a comfort of mine now. I want chicken it when I get a little too in my feelings and down on myself. It helps. Especially since it's not exclusively a serious series. It has many funny parts that break the tension and turn my focus away from myself for a while, too. Has anyone else really enjoyed this series?",4.0658064516129,5.901546870967742,5.328258064516131,78.94738709677422,72.2258064516129,7.540645161290323,26.916129032258066,8.238735603445708,1.929650967741936,508,18,91,8,10,169,85,124,0.107,0.716,0.177,0.8109,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,2,10,0,8,2,1,0,1,11,15,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,0,1,6,2,11,3,15,9,2,20,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,0,8,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017679217457995,0.23471767011263645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522649410804026,0.1761469828912719,0.0,0.0,0.25299885581949605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885159527451612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913654275700752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721433186946306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158288125622659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485378578541585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968389597930948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535462775800523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295965207767208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322493227369181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23085692911531785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839882288126395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480693491289484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675335017571514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949584054685392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394822555080651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491712820957055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890134923228821,0.13511624778734266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123577710588312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bloodvial,2019/02/06,"from high-intense emotional feelings to numb-nothing feelings. up until 2 days ago it’s been an emotional roller coaster. anyone else get such intense emotions whether it’s sadness, anger, misery or all together and then just waking up and feeling numb? kinda like my soul died, and i’m just on auto pilot. it’s a bonus that i’m not feeling the intense emotions that i was but i know that this is just temporary and i’ll be back to feeling those tense emotions.

how do those that experience this deal / cope? i mean i’m not complaining that i’m feeling close to nothing emotions, calm & collected in a way too. But i know in a few days something will start burning inside me.",4.571221374045802,6.2230631068702325,5.102206106870232,81.81483587786259,70.6030534351145,7.377404580152671,33.710687022900764,7.908726449838941,2.60119786259542,541,27,97,7,10,173,83,131,0.126,0.741,0.133,-0.7106,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,5,0,6,2,1,1,1,26,21,11,1,0,9,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,9,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,6,3,10,17,2,14,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,8,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323316208528407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261824042861376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143027686673858,0.11932518190248187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954916246820226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021180126186906,0.12006328410718872,0.0,0.0,0.12086521874807014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728587729968308,0.7859987588319661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391846007524177,0.0,0.0,0.3533085716616466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060844599606307885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304447570878835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800475529416588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056895590941856734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685711389693566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348955562028044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965520719107288,0.0,0.0,0.08242970895225422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924390935260856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slippingparadox,2019/02/06,"Starting DBT soon. Wish I could have known what was wrong with me and the route to treat it before I fucked up everything. The small part of me that is optimistic is excited to start treatment, though.",4.734912280701753,6.620625473684214,3.944736842105264,89.3414912280702,70.57894736842105,8.224561403508767,25.824561403508767,8.841846274778883,1.72339298245614,160,5,32,3,3,47,33,38,0.158,0.63,0.212,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734464512853007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565730179868028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888100004088348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970842764356365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479923506786713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549084804636465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315726209586929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695383569568602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513474102196659,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlurryEcho,2019/02/06,"Anyone else feel like your life is a series of short stories? Like everyone else’s life is a cohesive narrative filled with chapters that progress naturally and their character seems to develop. But with me, I feel like my life is a collection of short stories that shift back and forth.

One day I’m wanting to be a musician and write meaningful music and everything I do centers around that. I spend a lot of time researching music and staying to myself in my room. Maybe it lasts a few days, weeks, or months until I realize my effort is futile and it shifts again. Suddenly I’m in another story and I need to be some kind of important social figure that hangs out with a lot of people and has a girlfriend. Even my taste in music changes with each shift.

I end up with a lot of partially developed skills/knowledge but my desire for perfection always stops me in my tracks. Along with it, the ways in which I think, act, and feel seems to change and it seems like a completely different experience from the previous cycle.

Kind of hard to explain. Does anyone else feel like this?",6.305542213883675,7.104350263414633,6.504390243902442,76.51606003752347,65.87804878048779,10.600375234521577,31.86679174484053,10.560738912317856,3.4217129455909943,864,33,157,22,13,277,118,205,0.027000000000000003,0.847,0.126,0.9588,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,3,4,8,0,0,12,0,8,4,0,0,1,45,21,14,0,3,3,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,10,20,1,1,12,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,6,18,8,31,19,6,29,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,8,17,102,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551033256244533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203621026250261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052071089058798,0.2352216370021815,0.0,0.10218300437159324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826259575769703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428546641638268,0.0,0.1203499104582804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805368500816127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992591601548652,0.0,0.0,0.10044914524629422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876644680205871,0.0,0.1016654584514812,0.0,0.0,0.07581442369139575,0.0,0.0,0.10968200640199584,0.1031613753363651,0.11228177588518172,0.0,0.0,0.23215502173177224,0.2460073254368773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282483258312894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906187118803315,0.0,0.09356511212477338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24322816441450976,0.280390815797945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927583598618956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531698157381873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162030850929337,0.0,0.0,0.08511163850579226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778130077050009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795774806578665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134879158047407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700887351224824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223455595661302,0.0,0.09596541714244293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354960652846235,0.0,0.0,0.06693206871956409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770317925974519,0.09111100672770632,0.09207361997984598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hypocritewitch,2019/02/06,"My dad is getting remarried and I don't want to be there. Everybody says I have to be there.

For context, I used to live with my dad when I was 16 and we were really close. Unntil his partner moved in and it has just been a rough go ever since. Her and I don't get along and I have dealtg with a lot of displacement/abandonment as my dad is not really in my life anymore. While it's not really something has been actively triggering me, and I'm actually fine with the idea of them getting married, I do think the whole thing is stupid (it's not her first, or even second wedding and she's making it an embarrassing show) and I don't want to go. 

I'm going through a bit of crisis due to overwhelming school stuff and lack of support. I'm not close with my dad, he has no idea about my recent diagnosis or how bad things have been for me. We don't talk about anything like we used to. He has a new house and family and I'm not really involved. I'm happy that he is happy, regardless of how I hurt, and I don't want to stop the wedding, I just simply don't want to go to his wedding, I know it will be a huge trigger, but I know it will cause a huge thing in my family if I don't go. I JUST NEED SOMEONE to let me off the hook? Or just tell me I am just being a brat, and that I just have to go?",1.4025624421831644,2.636584510638301,3.627909343200741,90.89021739130438,78.00709219858156,7.315695343817453,21.835337650323773,8.04050195162591,0.8119322849213688,1000,27,239,17,23,345,128,282,0.07400000000000001,0.858,0.068,0.3234,0,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,3,0,1,1,15,10,1,2,12,0,33,1,0,8,1,62,59,23,0,8,16,4,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,12,23,0,1,5,1,0,7,13,5,0,2,5,2,37,5,31,47,4,23,0,2,0,0,24,8,0,5,9,168,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.11274728103146014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458149104901025,0.0,0.0,0.0950769678437002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646842821953128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613629608201132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868815190469635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631098746785796,0.10450967858503214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178356842070176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827556974359818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108967735612544,0.0,0.3939734628985643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459822107897706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333139911321759,0.12368456757405565,0.2608540388566513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699204194651942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814423793840048,0.08160708082857085,0.056445459817925925,0.0,0.10202113883496702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982252823968782,0.0,0.0,0.07712173209947383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279736719132885,0.0,0.08566909650098004,0.0,0.11158619169531643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29606341066799297,0.0,0.11407868251334505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187952561642156,0.0,0.11692944156621055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557326083616673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789398229089682,0.08894589740957487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965939644244218,0.0,0.0,0.13226202997701386,0.0,0.13110982706834035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928641285999852,0.10098428311171828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302726108199482,0.07403133637084361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995734531025608,0.0,0.0,0.27258646639878925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289927461694987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dawnweinerdawg,2019/02/06,"So I'm at the end of my rope, and I'm going to sit at the low income clinic tomorrow for as long as it takes. I have some medication questions. Every single person I've visited has only and always prescribed me Prozac. For a long time it did a decent job. Lately it has not worked at all. I'm a mess and I've been crying for 48 hours. I can't function and I've called out of work tomorrow so I can sit at the doctor's all day. 
It seems to me that doctors are hesitant to prescribe anything to me expect Prozac and vistiril. I'm not really into pill abuse so that's not a concern on my end. 
Does anyone suffer from crying attacks? How do you stop them? I take my pills every day at the same time, etc. I had to take a super emergency Xanax to calm down and I really dislike taking them. 
Has Prozac ever stopped working for anyone here? I can't eat, I can't leave my house and my depression has never been worse. Thank you for reading.",0.8030442176870736,2.958574576530612,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523813,83.84693877551021,5.774149659863946,19.537414965986393,7.07126945348624,0.4603292517006801,731,20,152,10,21,252,110,196,0.201,0.7559999999999999,0.043,-0.9817,2,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,2,2,4,6,8,1,0,9,0,15,11,0,1,4,24,26,13,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,6,9,1,2,2,1,0,2,7,5,0,0,4,0,20,3,25,22,6,30,0,3,0,0,8,10,0,3,16,98,26,7,0.0,0.14695010669562167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319927085908548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344322731637454,0.0,0.10206253691095953,0.0,0.0,0.14109707437705815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664404888712652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724726911254168,0.15997255931292476,0.0,0.10682310498922608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538910030281405,0.1085356763998114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690919631167033,0.0,0.0,0.2196998147166516,0.0,0.13832137717384727,0.0,0.11218829512603268,0.20899390762115155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048663135942226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214027576038375,0.14310894056952814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307631367908275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990632801758168,0.13132524855176306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195175832335348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249427876424904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565622218699428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943270906729524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829440799106528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893710529493475,0.0,0.12405920657641455,0.0,0.15890800613751788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290828774304545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207381982893067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730073948483634,0.0,0.0,0.1141861491418798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464070019718855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708764367661917,0.0,0.12639272650908312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saferontheground,2019/02/06,"how do i make someone stop being my favourite person? i don’t know if this is a borderline specific thing, but several months ago i moved to a new place, where i didn’t know anyone. I made some friends, and immediately a new FP. i just really liked this person, i was happy everytime i heard from them or saw them. i feel dependent on this person already, and i think about them constantly. we went to a party, and we kissed and slept next to each other and i loved it and now i have a massive crush and i know it’s not reciprocated, and i can’t get over it. it feels like a breakup, but i know i shouldn’t be upset because nothing was ever there. it was just my brain, trying to ruin my life again. i don’t know how to get them out of my head, i feel like such a nuisance to them when i message them. i feel like they hate me but i can’t stop being obsessed over them? does anyone else get that? ",0.9293365061590108,2.9456753882978752,2.8306494960806283,92.39184210526315,82.35106382978724,5.872788353863382,20.00111982082867,7.0608816371341465,0.28572978723404274,695,19,157,9,19,232,103,188,0.113,0.703,0.184,0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,8,0,12,12,1,2,7,0,15,6,3,5,1,40,36,16,0,2,8,0,4,4,1,1,1,1,0,3,11,12,0,2,10,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,9,6,36,8,13,23,2,20,0,1,1,2,17,6,0,4,16,109,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269175160654052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028946952957178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778241697832176,0.13025817952036384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749635834745887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419174585473768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373807536252857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125101381755582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619955543377753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499501348531682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571199731682057,0.2724618939692537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821916971553786,0.0,0.19925819475825834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353306604225311,0.0,0.12551308188615287,0.1304705255053362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34933251575082885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979462464563429,0.2484342694697344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473844165376128,0.1202920678519151,0.0848592660781577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147276199258808,0.13511748468960158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455630099051101,0.13520261021128185,0.0,0.0,0.12198323184080286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330111281215261,0.13282223265323545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144177736269201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436190280427228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771557205119296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257024979842312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445853164050571,0.08145881452859477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631191181358679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784940031081352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nsad_lawn,2019/02/06,"First psych appointment troubles TL;DR: The goal of this post is to gather information regarding other people's first experiences with their mental health providers (psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, therapist, neurologist, etc).

​

To preface, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post or if it would be more appropriate some place else. Please tell me if there are any issues. Thank you. 

\*Long\*

Has the following happened to anyone else??

​

To be brief, I had my first psychiatrist appointment last night and am not quite sure how to process everything. The psychiatrist said that since I'm functioning well and have had the same job for the past 3 years, the same relationship for 7 years, and am actively going to school she thinks I don't really have any issues simply because I am so high functioning and not in my room sleeping all day or isolating myself or ping-ponging back and forth every 5 minutes. She said she can't do anything for me at this time and suggested I see a psychologist first and go for 6 sessions to really understand what's wrong with me since that's a more appropriate setting. To be fair, I agree with her that we need more sessions to understand each other. In my head though, don't psychiatrists go through training to identify issues and actually talk with their patients instead of simply writing scripts and understand how drugs interact? To my knowledge, the only difference between a psychiatrist and psychologist is that the former can prescribe medication and the latter cannot. Maybe I'm expecting too much from this doctor...

I have issues with depression, self-harm, anxiety, and a slew of other symptoms. I've been in treatment since I was in 5th grade and am now 23. I took a long break (8 years) from all types of therapy (didn't feel like going or just didn't feel like I was getting any better) but I am finally realizing I truly need help and it's okay to do so and I just want to nip it in the bud and confront my issues once and for all to get better and actually be successful in life.

With that being said:

***Just because I understand the consequences of not doing anything and (albeit painfully) force myself to get shit done doesn't mean I don't have any problems.*** 

That blatant disregard of my emotions and symptoms pissed me off. It **really** made me angry and made me think back to what's always happened before. Minimal symptoms = no problems / I'm cured. Which is simply not true. I've relapsed plenty of times due to this type of treatment. Just because symptoms don't present themselves right then and there or that a person has found a way to work around their symptoms doesn't mean a person doesn't experience any struggles or difficulties.

That's a big reason as to why I haven't pursued treatment for such a long time and haven't kept up with it either. 

I drink way too much (been trying to cut this out), my mood changes erratically depending on what just happened, immediate reactions are irrational at times but I take the time to think why my reaction is what it is, I can never focus on one thing for too long and I'm all over the place and rarely get anything done until the last minute, I'm anxious **all the time** and focus way too much on other people's reactions/actions/opinions, I am extremely ambitious but don't have the motivation and discipline to reach my goals (or even create realistic ones), some times I think I'm great and amazing and doing so well in life while 5 minutes later I'm literally the worst person to have ever walked the planet and I'm such a failure and terrible human. She's telling me all of that is normal?? That doesn't make any sense to me.

The goal of this post is to gather information regarding other people's first experiences with their mental health providers (psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, therapist, neurologist, etc). Was your experience similar or totally different? Talk about your experience. Did you have to go through a bunch of different professionals to get to the one that's most helpful for you or was it a one and done success?

Thanks for reading!",4.770284114434432,7.235920033025103,5.37071117332755,76.68114966777739,71.91941875825627,8.640935349671723,29.924663341154197,9.292989375938378,2.9874129576687234,3303,141,564,78,67,1062,316,757,0.09300000000000001,0.815,0.091,0.4187,3,0,2,0,0,0,110.0,1,5,4,16,29,30,4,1,34,1,64,18,4,8,13,125,115,57,0,11,26,0,2,2,1,1,13,3,1,4,36,44,1,3,19,2,0,9,22,13,2,9,22,6,54,16,82,87,24,79,0,1,1,0,37,25,2,16,39,386,90,19,0.0,0.0,0.09418483271889204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040154154930700084,0.10457409005610364,0.11727643250603652,0.19690076970352224,0.0,0.03691690055767607,0.05451730571585827,0.0,0.033742807305547934,0.04944557202260393,0.1191355777698936,0.04295945871760775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421416823825115,0.0,0.08825208019032117,0.0,0.041063628382314574,0.0,0.0,0.08535977867491823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105009871105702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031122133314696137,0.0,0.041564164864815935,0.0,0.0,0.1512566342100279,0.0,0.04939365649696965,0.0,0.1481527126086766,0.0,0.0472740359874792,0.05596344769329197,0.0,0.08062599656013827,0.054283258598989456,0.0,0.0,0.10763986921672103,0.0318736625997578,0.043651724924035386,0.040659074799331896,0.0,0.04337078237490381,0.2360257630680947,0.0,0.0,0.04880094362807732,0.068950419601433,0.0,0.05286379708714552,0.0,0.20523927521746305,0.0,0.05291192262894755,0.0,0.0,0.12606291413319945,0.0,0.13712941441292206,0.0,0.0,0.05320412917523022,0.0,0.0,0.12802200018467133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04952617785275082,0.10259105720980008,0.0,0.0,0.06469204916054143,0.0509867606203573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518417695070847,0.047888181056215694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867270289128357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817148215194085,0.04715241149991788,0.0,0.0,0.17082568459632075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132493831283682,0.0322122953668095,0.0,0.0484812042846608,0.10513325790522242,0.0,0.048614413752211434,0.09726453837080824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642457537987872,0.0715647370766483,0.037219204494446136,0.0,0.0,0.0452864500763604,0.047282161782133514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139272539177103,0.13080228360876214,0.03670204819776078,0.05134944519999804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606730053387805,0.10036714567740428,0.1264099174462001,0.1512566342100279,0.052972308322532496,0.0,0.0,0.13865220573719805,0.0,0.0,0.0923519332981734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132785414995293,0.048270618193137306,0.0,0.09274508402613547,0.049616807949767215,0.0,0.05181055849192767,0.0,0.08242338344339435,0.1377119684716012,0.0,0.0,0.04883922606858263,0.03845502660559026,0.0,0.05034315863240053,0.0,0.049535690846387814,0.11975745448453436,0.0,0.04829241004430464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050449278519070336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096435652871583,0.2507904065156599,0.03628367864994316,0.07757519594051011,0.08435846722955996,0.08885815346202919,0.05518672441855673,0.11206149092867523,0.0320601779061493,0.12368598104105664,0.04741280671259291,0.0,0.19697559515964705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053615923688556916,0.03276371485999579,0.0,0.0,0.2009512833041975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02846355861570633,0.1149138124184972,0.0,0.0,0.0867786821038523,0.0,0.08708988205094309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513207770572172,0.0,0.0,0.034280785345342464,0.052762065181441824,0.11727643250603652,0.09322885745313436
bpd,bearnecessities66,2019/02/06,"Do you ever find when dating that people are receptive to mental illness until you start showing symptoms? So I'm a mid-20s man with BPD. When I start dating someone (which is almost exclusively through Tinder), I am generally upfront about my BPD and other mental health struggles. For the most part I find that the women I meet are very receptive, start telling me about their mental health struggles, compliment me on being a man that's so open with his emotions, and generally ends up being a very endearing conversation. I also make sure to explain to them about the emotional volatility, the mood swings, the impulsive behaviour and how that can get me into trouble, basically trying to make sure that they know exactly what dating me would be like. 

​

But here's the kicker. As soon as they start to witness this behaviour, suddenly it's a big problem. They get frustrated, defensive, or sometimes hostile. My most recent example was that I had gone on two dates with someone recently. The second date involved me cooking dinner for her at my house and then watching a movie and cuddling. Later that week I started going through a rough time that ultimately climaxed with a breakdown this past Saturday. On Monday, as I was heading out to my psychologist's, I received a delivery of flowers. Inside was a note from this girl saying basically that she hopes I have a better week than last week.

​

For me alarm bells started going off. This is way too much, too fast. This girl is too into me. She is going to be so disappointed. But I was on my way out so I texted her a couple hours later asking why she sent me flowers, then basically told her how scary this is to me and that it makes me uncomfortable. Her response was ""I'm sorry you feel that way."" Those exact words.  Not sorry that what she did triggered this emotional response, which she should understand from my explaining my BPD to her, but sorry that *I* felt that way. 

​

Anyway. I told her I'm not ready to date and now she's very angry with me, says I led her on. Even though I explained at the very beginning that this is what dating me is like. Does anyone else have similar experiences? ",5.191460396039601,7.208867985148518,5.690185643564359,76.75329826732674,69.64356435643565,8.416336633663366,30.446782178217827,9.017664075816787,2.7961970297029715,1742,72,294,34,32,560,200,404,0.083,0.872,0.045,-0.9179,2,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,3,5,1,22,17,3,3,19,0,27,8,1,7,5,55,58,27,0,4,6,0,3,2,0,2,4,2,0,5,32,17,2,1,9,2,0,7,2,9,0,2,12,6,57,7,44,40,4,64,0,1,1,1,41,15,0,5,40,219,89,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176390198023176,0.0,0.0,0.0573118773535089,0.0,0.2329526943442825,0.2612488516104667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011106079495222,0.07343105875066018,0.0,0.0,0.0669987407737383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338342005585293,0.0,0.0,0.2707853038891259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929790027744242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271605945813412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598683769653986,0.2418463568105217,0.06347547230439758,0.0,0.0,0.04733521517137212,0.06482668207375902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010383727222146,0.0,0.0,0.03623686421306653,0.0,0.06881132277450247,0.0,0.13100422977158274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488584215195332,0.0,0.12218960373150048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355076555567913,0.1523568166189139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118125743939242,0.07057731661065537,0.08269381205758722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393861738004787,0.05841796981782438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002551204186537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435143445701757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666969576762912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268331033876592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760811080556626,0.06841402604142371,0.049684703600316536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857540485784118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152454744502624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398455869094234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144601634656753,0.0,0.07088025230944038,0.24067519128146234,0.3043565844711393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984330379143956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509013517777813,0.07448919820984021,0.0,0.0,0.0626399019149545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704122220217113,0.0,0.04178946063880979,0.0,0.0,0.1369613094890679,0.0,0.048657021698007424,0.0,0.07000800515954239,0.07460761847180865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365303106965662,0.0,0.2275429343361622,0.17246024177775762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466809851595366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091000588610535,0.0,0.2612488516104667,0.0
bpd,joshua1864,2019/02/06,"The fight against lonliness I believe to an extent everyone struggles with feeling lonely. Being truly alone and feeling alone are two very different things. I bet a lot of us have good people in our lives, yet still feel lonely. But for those who feel like they have nobody, how do you overcome that feeling? And for people with BPD especially, how do you let go of the bad relationships and make new ones? ",5.23,7.3115679333333325,5.175666666666668,80.21950000000002,69.66666666666666,7.666666666666668,28.5,8.344100000000001,2.1385999999999994,325,12,56,5,6,101,58,75,0.2,0.657,0.14300000000000002,-0.7319,1,6,0,0,1,0,8.0,2,2,1,0,4,7,1,1,4,0,7,0,0,3,0,16,14,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,5,0,2,0,5,7,2,9,12,2,5,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736645146671232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506202273830024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324060728313664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271980763447424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847179904946687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237279277708284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560594162827258,0.1288724593341125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252123183350532,0.15130469533164406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446358368955587,0.0,0.08813067808222902,0.0,0.15928990875881666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336327793907226,0.0,0.0,0.12041341441325475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422422937900667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222386467886623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501229332528173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367406698681894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406170732177245,0.0,0.0,0.1885854395655944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198447811438342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621728955601088,0.0,0.21699000220448636,0.0,0.0,0.14884272932003678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,renfender,2019/02/06,"Help m I don’t know how to handle this.

I went to see my daughter for the last 2 days.  She is not in a good place. Very easily angered. Easily triggered. 

I helped her catch up her laundry (8 loads), bought her groceries, and gave her money to pay her light bill.  We went to her therapy session together.

While I was there, she told her therapist that she had stopped her Remeron suddenly. She was instructed to show up at the clinic today and the psychiatrist would see her briefly for new scripts. Well, she left home at 6:30 and he never saw her. She was then told he would pull her from group and speak to her briefly. Group started today at 10:30 and she had to be at work at 1:00. The didn’t pull her from group so she had to leave the clinic without the scripts. 

I called the therapist myself and left a message on voicemail for her.  This may seem trivial to some people but she is spiraling downward. 

She was angry and I would have been too, but it does seem she was taking a lot of this out on me while I have been there and I am 100% on her side. It’s hard to listen to someone yell and cuss and be semi accusatory when I even try to do anything other than empathize. 

I cannot stand all the cursing and talking to me like I am nothing more than a convenient bail out. 

Help me understand her and then help me because I feel like a door mat. 

She was that way with me about 60% of the time during the visit. ",2.894217542796546,4.405078794425087,3.6667656415694574,90.99883351007428,74.64459930313589,6.803151037721558,25.02181487653386,7.423996415210882,1.0030376912589003,1102,36,238,13,23,350,154,287,0.052000000000000005,0.867,0.081,0.8789,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,1,9,5,1,0,15,0,27,2,0,2,2,36,44,21,0,3,4,1,2,2,0,4,2,3,2,0,8,16,0,1,5,1,4,6,6,1,1,0,19,9,48,4,38,19,4,41,0,0,3,0,48,18,0,5,17,168,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363105258196156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676679069232528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859033771484696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121552338196145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020367245838901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083176694989511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367484738612612,0.08996562604999736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562552860518212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281006068090832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376374349469141,0.0,0.12631975509105134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920876461944524,0.10265113699921072,0.0,0.13334347890920933,0.27365030403200785,0.0,0.0,0.1230477274795016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706262132468057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712628444558824,0.12162561302973228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083485503552514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730517907325687,0.0,0.13157181512533098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007025084598227,0.2292869657795533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670151411352294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913509988618294,0.0,0.0,0.10528453350366968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468496012085813,0.10121912396011233,0.0,0.0,0.14401386505444694,0.2924328015919671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343178242131777,0.0,0.23873703874551214,0.24066625710885084,0.0,0.08549935261139043,0.0,0.0,0.13109933277067962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039068346755984,0.0,0.09995871560833064,0.0,0.0,0.11322771505083805,0.2334798805981037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139365737086436,0.0,0.09167977174040927,0.0,0.0,0.2683747828866189,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Skoda55,2019/02/06,"BPD and Energy Drinks Does anyone have any experience of this? The only thing I’ve done different today after a relative period of stability is have a can of energy juice this morning.

It’s nearly 6pm and now I’m so overwhelmed with feelings and emotions surrounding a friendship I have. Basically the love of my life is getting with someone else. Usually I can keep a lid on the jealousy but tonight I want to break down into tears and repeatedly text them how much I love them of which I must refrain.

Are energy drinks causing this and therefore something to avoid? I can be an addict at times. My feelings are so intense. ",3.887746371275785,6.31772518487395,5.287914438502675,76.41925133689844,74.46218487394958,8.36088617265088,30.145912910618787,9.095868883498916,3.028673949579832,503,23,86,12,11,168,81,119,0.055999999999999994,0.768,0.17600000000000002,0.9105,1,1,3,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,2,8,0,13,6,0,3,1,19,21,9,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,8,2,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,2,15,18,1,15,0,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,8,63,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396998307894144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347451766814292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724085294309135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472029493466061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016296804659722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506680929372775,0.0,0.0,0.1717625880737886,0.2008586547065831,0.0,0.38455182239192703,0.0,0.0,0.1639635439503104,0.2207842590924797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199574443637604,0.0,0.0,0.1984862452995683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254619127251682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445926709397125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863565458865676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542937904785811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428555955626746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927686228972895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630415127454726,0.1511029751971569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303971575780462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445020582521208,0.0,0.18604684730213827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161704577540944,0.0,0.11576876300902615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bluegummisharks,2019/02/06,"DAE feel like their life has expired a long time ago (should be dead by now), so now you're just rotting from the inside out. I've had a bunch of serious medical issues and suicide attempts since I was in grade 1, I'm 21 now and I never thought I'd make it past 18. 

Now it just feels wrong to be alive, and that I'm rotting inside.",2.5820833333333333,3.1323252638888874,3.9565555555555565,92.344,74.1388888888889,6.871111111111111,25.511111111111113,6.742157984588678,0.7408744444444446,257,8,61,2,5,85,55,72,0.175,0.757,0.068,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,1,12,12,4,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,3,1,6,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,33,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565147475509323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926348382525132,0.20673058129043406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30203381330737605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439513224381145,0.14137470801441188,0.0,0.0,0.2560890367315458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316101582480535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915163119291437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231849443348268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762425485704167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393751754044047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165308496007647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297325638463809,0.16873772496970413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31638770200657484,0.0,0.0
bpd,sdifjal,2019/02/06,"DAE feel like you invest too much of yourself in other people's problems? When a friend or even a stranger I'm acquainted with share with me their problems, I feel deeply invested. If it's an especially anxiety-consumed issue, I physically feel the pain of the situation. My chest and throat feel tight. I always feel like I have to sit in the pain with them as opposed to just being a third-party listening with no attachment. It's probably why people feel comfortable talking to me about their problems at levels I clearly can't take on but I give off the appearance that I can because that's what I do, I adhere to these invisible rules I make up in my mind about a situation and how I should be. Only after I've parted ways with the person do I see what just happened and am left with the repercussions of my own doormat-tendencies. In moments like this, empathy is the worst. I wish I could actually not care. 

I'm rambling at this point and I don't even think I make any sense. If anyone here knows what I'm talking about, what are some tools or affirmations or ANYTHING you do/use to help?",3.3122660818713427,5.388230509259262,4.6316471734892835,82.1043859649123,74.92592592592592,7.8807017543859645,27.109161793372326,8.6894789155246,2.1365407407407417,874,34,168,18,19,289,129,216,0.099,0.7879999999999999,0.113,0.2425,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,3,0,11,13,0,0,12,0,13,4,2,3,1,42,34,13,0,8,9,0,7,3,1,1,2,1,0,1,12,10,0,2,8,0,2,1,4,6,0,0,0,9,26,7,28,30,5,18,0,0,1,0,13,12,0,7,6,116,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.1240874146036044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580525817388234,0.0,0.0,0.0864714864047989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891150728079378,0.0,0.10463981942751067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751405506299623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964558481709246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152494736258086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679727094809909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857680318718472,0.18168274141786167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824159859792453,0.0,0.0,0.12198109737740713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244499110036683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852310175004502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271943333212566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988245754671038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815703732983686,0.0,0.0,0.1863682505912584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975728830755954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839286505888714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347542152277384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670903775154233,0.2706091718701596,0.0,0.0,0.13769922247650426,0.0,0.17631005274382902,0.1110290576754948,0.0,0.0,0.12020497456289067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370973329079875,0.3650177732167767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013280948163402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858608012940228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560664378769647,0.20440882515248293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147741609258387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295486197935687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093173513980366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473990015025752,0.0,0.1462248935327627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carusom,2019/02/06,"atypical antipsychotics with Bpd Hi is anyone prescribed a low dose of an atypical antipsychotic (for me it is abilify) and an antidepressant (lexapro) and they then feel like a zombie? Like I'm trying to be successful and do my best but I feel like my treatment (medication-wise) is getting in the way of my goals, and it just stresses me out and pisses me off more. I'd honestly rather be off meds and all over the place if it meant I could feel like I could do things again. Thoughts?",7.260957446808512,6.707772968085108,7.182425531914895,77.05300000000003,64.0,11.349787234042553,34.75744680851064,10.793553405168565,3.5120834042553195,385,15,77,9,5,123,63,94,0.083,0.728,0.18899999999999997,0.8787,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,3,10,1,1,6,0,9,2,1,0,1,20,16,9,0,4,4,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,10,7,10,10,3,10,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,1,6,54,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736768964361274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211787124654172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654437562655081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365480440402981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319698458242188,0.4516991107739066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110112950812461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118650757742564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341058900078151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019844135430428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24142388043262544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001900626731806,0.0,0.0,0.16731921350238668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430916200699703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672907936685821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpddude747,2019/02/06,"What do your different BPD mental states look like? M 19, diagnosed with BPD, ADHD. I have been thinking  about my bpd more than usual  over the past month and I have been trying to classify my behavior and mental states into distinct categories. My usual state is relatively empty and anxious but from the outside I appear completely normal and can engage with others without problems. Next is my extroverted state where I feel energetic and mildly euphoric, I just wanna talk to people and make them feel good. Next, when I am getting attention from my FP or hooking up with someone I go into this “love state” in which I feel intense euphoria and feel invincible like I can conquer the world. In my mind the girl I am with, whoever her may be, becomes this perfect almost angelic being that I need to satisfy. When I am in the “love state” I feel physically different, almost similar to being high on ecstasy but without the artificial feeling. Unfortunately this love high can abruptly end and turn into hopelessness and despair if I perceive any kind of abandonment and for the next week or so I will feel as though I’m “coming down”. I also have a tendency to love bomb girls and “mind read” and tell them exactly what they want to hear even if I’m being super disingenuous. Another mental state that I experience is dissociation which typically follows rage but also often comes on out of nowhere when I’m with friends in which case they will always notice and ask if I’m okay. Finally I experience 2 distinct forms of rage. The first type of rage can be triggered by something small like losing my keys or not having a bus card. I feel like screaming and crying and that the world is so unfair. It starts with me feeling irritated and then suddenly I just lose it and i feel helpless like the walls are closing in on me. The 2nd type of rage is my far my most scary and destructive of all. It is as intense as the love high but on the opposite end. When experience this form of rage i feel totally invincible but like in an evil way. I become psychopathic and sadistic and all I wanna do is destroy others and everyone around me. I have ruined friendships and have shocked those around me by saying some truly horrifying and unspeakable things. I am constantly afraid of being triggered because I when I rage like this I have a tendency to become extremely threatening and menacing to others while having racing homicidal thoughts. I have vandalized property, lit stuff on fire, and been physically violent which once led to my arrest and on another occasion resulted in my hospitalization. 

Sorry for the long post. I was just curious about this because I’m soon starting DBT. Do you experience similar bpd stages?",7.51061456245825,8.166843364729461,8.017641282565132,67.20587408149635,63.24849699398797,11.462952571810286,36.47301269205077,11.20814326018867,4.46649413493654,2185,99,357,60,30,724,245,499,0.207,0.593,0.2,-0.5222,2,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,2,4,6,21,40,10,1,18,1,41,6,0,5,7,101,79,52,0,9,17,0,12,7,1,3,1,3,0,2,24,41,0,1,15,1,0,6,3,21,0,1,5,17,53,19,61,65,8,74,1,7,2,5,20,32,0,13,33,263,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934216891336744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322172513596379,0.0,0.0,0.10559095429383107,0.05493320769106985,0.0,0.0,0.04489527462069839,0.1384536354181686,0.0,0.07458282916961834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754205123246228,0.061718977823284525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048930193534921,0.2187388380199288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33259514975153504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137392754219683,0.06921980532822375,0.07134322950424178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251891804630667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700803073326335,0.0,0.13795188594308988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694671339295486,0.0,0.0,0.04360501498510938,0.0,0.0,0.06308411117419974,0.0,0.25831752226766314,0.0,0.0,0.36719383263261307,0.04716408210917236,0.0,0.07232073367596853,0.0,0.05615584116435033,0.0,0.0,0.051006218715646666,0.0,0.03449227237466265,0.0,0.037520194936242916,0.055373716859270256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074408361493032,0.0,0.0,0.20925851749241006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687487681628683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257752968492411,0.0,0.0,0.05842485557904426,0.055439444732316594,0.14771704652170775,0.0,0.0,0.2979242273699647,0.0,0.04406828420732455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959527587571946,0.0,0.13332100963716315,0.0,0.05269584243956325,0.0,0.0,0.0489523509083072,0.0,0.0,0.21063629210068607,0.0,0.06468473356601209,0.0,0.0751632209748075,0.0,0.07030822246486401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302273307362405,0.045769354531904616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322808044590113,0.0,0.0,0.06317139460780502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603699913885139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250106471255263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559377975097563,0.05082475431263585,0.0,0.07390301480182343,0.09345736487188787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557611283090586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306367868568145,0.0577036325234517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386017871800951,0.04230239496216707,0.06486346339138377,0.052411817529691984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482265798499177,0.07180985929364096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454214967066856,0.0,0.03893979539009254,0.05240291517405445,0.05295656661979087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272801774444463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BonzoGodDoodahBand,2019/02/06,"Well, I'm back. I took a long break from Reddit and felt like I didn't need this sub for support anymore because I was going to do it on my own. I couldn't. I'm back again. I feel like I'm on the verse of a complete meltdown again. I've stopped sleeping, eating, and I can't focus on anything. I dropped a class, I opted out of teaching this semester (Grad school) and so I'm technically way less busy this semester than I've been the whole time I've been here. And I still want to drop another class. I feel like I'm watching a trainwreck in slow motion but unable to stop it.

How do I stop this? I don't want this to end with a huge fight with my husband or a suicide attempt or go in patient. ",1.8074000000000008,3.038876206666668,3.4450000000000003,92.62750000000004,76.93333333333334,6.066666666666666,25.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.7353333333333341,541,20,125,4,12,180,86,150,0.132,0.7659999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.8422,0,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,0,8,0,9,2,1,1,0,21,24,9,1,4,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,3,3,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,6,4,14,5,17,17,3,27,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,2,15,74,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910521464227516,0.0,0.0,0.16939387333752914,0.0,0.0,0.14055896550816618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626788800344499,0.0,0.10412188640621177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908707204926355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477740498066813,0.0,0.0,0.1512836130354523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272951406926332,0.24404799553456,0.1640007572870668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414622222607103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503418741545237,0.0,0.0,0.15115812982914975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665064792550476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286501364886694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092957430821287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640606801029176,0.4284049445965463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186834281816757,0.19382887442283486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959848052684712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977199530565736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014918681016763,0.1355780271393051,0.0,0.0,0.1535753048712107,0.0,0.0,0.19069904489853345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RomanianChic2,2019/02/06,"Does anyone else connect two completely unrelated things? I hate it. I hate that my mind is always caught in these ultimatums of ""either-or"" thinking. It's not quite splitting, but it's literally exhausting. I notice that I end up connecting two completely unrelated events  (In a bad way) and once my friend just goes ""what? how are those related at all?"" And apparently in my mind they were. For example, for the longest time I thought visual learners were stupid because I was told I was stupid growing up (abusive parents) and I am a visual learner. I don't know how to stop doing this or at least manage it.",3.666028708133972,6.2047056666666665,4.90971291866029,78.32117224880382,75.66666666666666,8.005103668261562,29.661881977671452,8.841846274778883,2.7897298245614035,482,22,85,11,11,159,80,114,0.209,0.7390000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9645,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,4,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,1,16,16,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,2,7,0,13,1,11,9,2,14,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,60,24,1,0.0,0.20656371144448127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450643683517117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219021801514848,0.1786313442687873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556613842637636,0.10627569584125847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36558314212550813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525656064185098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563821955547532,0.0,0.15441298462455816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469420794805287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442481788583074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958123890801227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520662430599615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984865918500349,0.0,0.18566579871240887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358330073210747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543143926107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457555664176465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582336784887146,0.1117096645705068,0.0,0.13840603022615633,0.1016587212166685,0.0,0.0,0.16658879255656692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34060857310225895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383825214115125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheEminentJunkie,2019/02/06,"First Time poster, long time lurker Good morning guys!

Can any of you share positive stories or ways to better manage social interactions with others.

Specifially how you have become aware of such behaviours, and have gone ahead positively with them.

Looking forward to hearing any thoughts ",8.395851063829786,11.580797468085107,6.81803191489362,67.10875000000001,63.680851063829785,8.955319148936171,35.15425531914894,9.516144504307137,4.026834042553192,239,11,31,5,4,71,40,47,0.0,0.733,0.267,0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,1,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,3,7,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,6,19,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819861003119662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31018556120485113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483960501674561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388976452125184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23557033943500785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780935460367069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31654734353960634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485504647480177,0.23584995832718397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862993304260232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296985548674156,0.3275410810007306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293198317008567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tigerboy98,2019/02/06,"I think I have a toxic dependence on... support?? Today I had to find clothes for work and looking at my body in the changeroom/not fitting into my usual sizes nearly annihilated me. I felt so disgusting and worthless and had a recurring violent urge to just cut all the fat off my body with a knife or run and run and never eat again. 

After I calmed down a bit, I text my boyfriend (who is overseas) and he responded with the usual “that sounds awful honey, I wish I was home to help” 

Only all it did was tickle the intense itch for support? It just escalated the negative emotion, I almost felt defensive. I want to type out a paragraph asking him if he even sees the pain I’m in or if he even cares. 

Maybe it’s because I never had any severity of emotion recognised by my parents? Maybe it’s just borderline in general? But now I’m desperately trying not to spiral and I couldn’t think of a thing anyone could say to make me feel cared for, or understood, or valid. The loneliness is so huge it’s crushing me. 

I don’t know what to do :(  ",4.408331043956046,5.1900466875000015,5.861978021978023,79.4973076923077,70.10576923076923,9.019780219780221,30.241758241758237,9.23628265651192,2.5775758241758244,813,32,160,16,14,276,124,208,0.166,0.7240000000000001,0.109,-0.9393,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,4,0,13,1,13,6,4,2,4,43,32,16,0,6,11,1,3,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,9,11,2,1,8,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,9,8,22,5,26,21,3,23,0,1,2,0,11,12,0,8,9,112,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238603455909145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990517222762442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244208359825104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359553155193533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059205132518094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144335607879731,0.2937039497230577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695873314115929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555638925072047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352805839276804,0.0,0.2974297594123536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746427175396758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684774135254787,0.0,0.2538785629965173,0.0,0.12083463977965755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861544569318737,0.0,0.13261422151258526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265741162369996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102043297369307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824907999579988,0.0,0.2656390441283543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393210216212748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054924526586742,0.1406773794165479,0.0,0.14680002972272418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513617089981113,0.0,0.0,0.10535171991046696,0.0,0.0,0.14935607719006128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300053468774942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783233769905585,0.16942558595960586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531660830341032,0.0,0.0,0.08975975355728658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912142718241848,0.0,0.07797900871822902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203132019133989,0.0,0.0,0.09624814067318582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thatpandabitch,2019/02/06,"Bad weekend Okay well it wasn’t exactly a bad weekend, but it was fueled by lots of alcohol and bad decisions and now I’m stuck in a funk again and can’t get out. 
I managed to lose my very good paying job and will probably have to go back to working at a gas station for pennies. I wish I could just get my shit together finally. Instead I’ve spent three days sleeping. I get up and get food and go right back to bed. I have no motivation. I don’t wanna die, but I refuse to live right now. ",0.9554285714285732,2.7728177333333366,3.226904761904766,90.62892857142859,81.19047619047619,6.866666666666667,24.785714285714285,7.908726449838941,1.314028571428572,382,15,87,7,10,131,69,105,0.257,0.628,0.115,-0.9596,1,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,1,0,3,1,8,4,2,1,1,18,18,8,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,7,2,1,2,2,2,2,4,5,1,1,4,0,9,3,13,12,1,17,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,1,9,54,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287049424428886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631546068569989,0.4286230356911849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662185098648774,0.0,0.0,0.11035538026496068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775909357813791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744873209083296,0.0,0.0,0.2069136145675258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576032705935123,0.0,0.19449783239510093,0.1435236133379559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980578989295955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510981746021025,0.0,0.0,0.1914345421518976,0.0,0.1454763300961845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844915153741167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922635068311754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564766350574418,0.0,0.0,0.17123913776932798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118825780172087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385343873488028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967744493715569,0.0,0.0,0.12457416577167313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ClubMeth,2019/02/06,"Allowing someone with BPD into your life is the most rewarding experience on the PLANET A year ago I had never even heard the term “personality disorder”. After falling in love with a girl I didn’t understand my life has never been the same. The internet doesn’t give BPD enough credit. When I was feeling lost and confused about how chaotic my relationship with this girl was, looking for help online made me sick on how ugly they paint the disorder. 
I crave new experiences and hate how monotonous life seems. Meeting this girl was the most exciting experience of my life. The sad reality of what you go through on a daily basis is awful to read about. But I want you all to know that you have an incredible ability to make someone feel loved, appreciated and special. I know it can be total opposite sometimes but the more time someone who doesn’t understand takes towards accepting you, the higher the pay off is. Meeting this woman made me constantly aware of my emotions and how I was presenting myself. It’s honestly an opportunity to really understand yourself for the first time. The smallest things I didn’t know I had to work on have made me critically reflect on myself and reminded me to keep working on myself and to stop being comfortable with being “fine”. 
Not knowing how my day was gonna turn out is one of BPDs best qualities, I know it’s selfish to admit because of the turmoil that causes these unpredictable behaviours, but coming home to the perfect girlfriend that knows exactly what you want to hear and do vs coming home to getting accused of fucking some random girl I met once cause I was gone for longer than expected, is what made every day exciting and magical. The days that pay off out way the hard days 10fold.
I regret to say that my relationship recently came to an end, she went away to rehab and informed me she didn’t want to come back, we got into a fight and haven’t spoken since. I know our relationship wasn’t working and know that if I tried to get her back I probably could, but I think she’s doing good and I’m scared of fucking it up for her by trying to involve myself in her life while she’s recovering. Even if I sent her a nice letter I’m afraid that she might think of it as some kind of mean mind game. 
However, I will never forget the time I spent with a BPD girl and have made tremendous changes towards seeking help for my own problems and have only one person to thank.

If her qualities are anything like yours, you are the forever angsty, easy to fall for, creative, most compassionate, fieriest, best friend everyone could learn something from. ",7.660318428184283,7.517066888211385,7.801626016260163,71.58456639566397,63.044715447154466,11.028726287262874,35.701897018970186,10.585719281625627,3.7955157181571817,2087,86,369,46,27,679,255,492,0.09699999999999999,0.7190000000000001,0.185,0.9947,1,0,1,0,1,0,35.0,2,8,1,10,12,35,4,4,28,1,38,11,0,14,7,101,95,29,0,11,9,0,3,1,2,3,7,3,2,8,21,28,0,2,22,2,4,10,11,13,0,3,27,7,57,22,65,60,14,54,0,3,1,4,54,18,2,12,26,261,78,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597502526378595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055468374100027036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332899070948646,0.10366019935655034,0.0,0.04108931597710665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147427384185685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546818062524169,0.0,0.0,0.07709308843719058,0.0,0.1384865117262309,0.07130529837067195,0.17418969656020558,0.0,0.07284059941982424,0.0,0.10763443193237468,0.0,0.0,0.1738819753902324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450338892867604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582128240028123,0.059700610435743914,0.06964713535465465,0.0,0.08904041634495788,0.0,0.0567914173183349,0.06440813660562332,0.0,0.19780436728233955,0.0,0.0,0.06816374373467582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733445429594015,0.0,0.0,0.052076750256525216,0.12462922867374565,0.0704324099870722,0.06466078763781757,0.0383076783669023,0.05653591456625971,0.053909743995233864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060381425182827485,0.06654824550281213,0.0,0.0,0.07597006318135864,0.0,0.0903599793941921,0.0,0.1352249399584667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991244761764197,0.0,0.07019168486142219,0.2963511458209635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380498763933943,0.03293056091750632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056603021952686634,0.0,0.07358025780098289,0.0,0.1216708548469956,0.3189000677519555,0.04499320060740794,0.0,0.0,0.07342354386073889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150579831655814,0.06805959251290791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596011850731553,0.06509993709021357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178386938845481,0.09135041944853196,0.051264357241865316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177104727590666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267373158192678,0.0644972519662176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742300053678336,0.0,0.043181215158383655,0.0,0.066554068582528,0.21710245965995856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053602970462865634,0.06748392346677108,0.0,0.0,0.061362761823062564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575791389072175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133550285636331,0.051891477232294064,0.0666650310283705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635339742119831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067999078245479,0.0,0.0,0.06205724675616162,0.0,0.0,0.04478072734695142,0.08638049685584248,0.0,0.0,0.11791277257237172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152681474904226,0.0733170229543793,0.0,0.2105121964857981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927122127255295,0.053502760936794735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624848876817233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721440387610074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340645539249958
bpd,icymoons,2019/02/06,"Losing my shit at the drop of a hat How common is this for you. I feel like a mess, I hate when this happens. I'm not dx with bpd but maybe I should be. Here's how it happens. Something sets me off and I get very upset. Like something flips a switch in me and I am completely negative and it's seems like a worst case scenario. The aftermath is people around me acting like nothing happened, laughing, joking and I'm left feeling like a fool. I have other traits but this one is nice and fresh in my head.",0.6187142857142867,2.881233466666668,2.0948809523809544,95.62803571428572,85.76190476190476,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,-0.05514285714285716,394,12,86,3,12,127,70,105,0.262,0.54,0.198,-0.8535,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,5,15,2,1,7,0,7,3,2,2,0,16,17,10,0,1,3,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,7,0,1,0,2,12,8,8,15,1,12,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,1,8,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716322489014026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235330151927024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510495125078935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853375967064958,0.25224876256757905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223791321235597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683567020285191,0.0,0.0,0.17430246371662186,0.18118696231688475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181756855099927,0.0,0.0,0.4312568916072401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975096330136772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736402271781873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940049214354855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119632028245982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239465423566953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072069947755582,0.0,0.0,0.18122176472834375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718272212631553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566880496484064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buckle_bread,2019/02/06,"Fucking Cuddles Just want to make a post for all of you who have those moments (or days or weeks or years) when you really crave the security of someone holding you and meaning it. I love you all so much. Know that when you're curled up, alone, and hovering over the abyss, this world desperately needs you.

So on a night when my demons came out full force, the only thing I could think to do was tell each of you that if I could I'd fucking cuddle and squeeze all of you because you guys have saved my life more than once ❤️",5.537777777777778,4.986000925925929,5.415185185185186,88.29833333333332,67.51851851851852,8.681481481481484,29.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.4462666666666673,412,12,94,4,6,128,76,108,0.042,0.856,0.102,0.7668,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,8,0,0,6,5,2,0,5,0,6,6,0,1,3,24,16,12,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,13,3,12,12,7,16,1,0,0,5,12,6,2,4,8,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023264204969856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962438912970234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24320542353055324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395541433770796,0.0,0.0,0.13713628655428856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931675972299269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210548686020477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686230146278385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501951009702242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191741039468455,0.0,0.14193996675376366,0.0,0.0,0.2316291180410245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563160952382593,0.1576711048643193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954980373294756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645644001543236,0.0,0.1617235729917242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365194147730944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362236996084905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017059800785035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585819323977226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126967775191174,0.1362521968471962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542156706317684,0.0,0.17056832233457478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693426455853674
bpd,gotja,2019/02/06,"Tw suicide I'm struggling of late I am someone who has no clear diagnosis and have been bounced around. I have an alphabet soup. PDNOS with avodant and bpd features has been one, so I have visited here from time to time. I also have been to bipolar subs (diagnosed bipolar on and off), cptsd more recently.

I don't know. I've tried alot of meds and therapies. Nothing really worked, things partially helped, nothing is helping me now. I've climbed out of a dark place and came out of crisis last year, but nothing gets me fully to stability. I've tried diet, meditation, support groups. I don't belong anywhere. I feel like I'm different somehow. There are people much more severe or who have beenthrough much worse, and they get better, I get left behind.

I've made a plan to end my life at the end of the year, it's just a relief to know my battle will finally be over. I'll tell my therapist next week when.I see them, I don't know what she can do about it, I've gone through all the resources I could find when I moved here in the last three years. I've been fighting for 4 decades. I'm just terminally ill, it's not going to get better. I've gotten.worse instead.

I'm just really tired and can't think anymore, but I've been too wired to sleep. Maybe I will get sleep tonight. Maybe I can just hide from the world tomoorow and never really get away.",3.2736296544783627,4.9478338487084885,4.1491462596444135,87.2552926870178,73.98154981549816,7.436497819523653,26.70932572962093,8.150884317080207,1.6103564575645757,1067,39,220,17,22,343,159,271,0.129,0.7959999999999999,0.075,-0.9095,1,0,0,0,2,2,38.0,0,0,2,5,16,8,2,1,10,0,26,9,2,1,3,34,47,14,1,1,8,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,7,13,1,0,6,0,0,6,7,3,0,2,8,2,21,5,28,35,6,36,0,0,1,0,11,12,0,3,19,127,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302708360372685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296435424784853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242433482961092,0.0,0.0,0.09754497107939336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836457208898337,0.0,0.0,0.13076122613576974,0.0,0.0,0.11874566447022805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289408557096804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537799202628834,0.0,0.10847276496446888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391243104098387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052495944880629,0.07417105403696628,0.0,0.11373284087362975,0.09489219024004901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32545887680845903,0.0,0.05900490970336024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918051555842526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117494466946034,0.16925893507578632,0.1171166800341438,0.0,0.112803813960626,0.0,0.0733331387350484,0.05072259286527958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823967676598816,0.0,0.0,0.2086079849005034,0.0,0.11532376445279112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034724282635636,0.15264345940152665,0.0,0.08007457079240425,0.0,0.1104167628195175,0.0,0.0,0.29886243077133073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035303992190974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197768124406602,0.0,0.10847276496446888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953469982429245,0.0,0.10251252423838447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273335747174866,0.0,0.0,0.11729025150462452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077956291304141,0.0,0.08796875113993008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853816944969427,0.0,0.11356533031328307,0.11781692275120173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074573392776426,0.0,0.11873046002135908,0.12054631352759795,0.06897527822622071,0.06652548045712499,0.0,0.0,0.12107985996730515,0.11932907582529725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409777796497701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328041570440815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558426037157366,0.0,0.21160867730510535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005755052378925
bpd,ChefMundial,2019/02/06,"Seclusion-confusion I feel like the universe is having a laugh at me. For months I mentioned to family members how I had only two friends.  I suppose i did this for a few reasons. One to make clear my lack of a social life but also stress that I don’t have the friends I wish or thought I did. Now one has moved continents and the other I learned today is moving several hundred miles away in mere weeks. So now I’m down to none. In the time leading up to these departures I distanced myself from my fp who already is geographically different and having what seems to be a splendid life with a new “easier” girlfriend. I was beginning to think I would avoid looking for a partner because heartbreak was too high a risk and now I’m feeling similarly about friends. Why seek out friendships of everyone is going to abandon you anyway. It just is starting to feel like the perfect moment to figure out a way to self sufficient and just do the whole Walden thing and head for seclusion. I don’t know exactly what makes me happy beyond art and food but I just don’t feel connected to the world nor that anyone needs me to be. There’s always a replacement. And there’s always an opportunity to leave people behind. I’m just kind of sad because the already scant numbers of connections have dwindled to one person I semi trust but they’re moving away. I feel off. Confusion has been ever present every morning and many moments throughout the days for months. I don’t have a concept of purpose. all I feel is society’s expected purpose which is to work, pay taxes, pay bills, not be a burden. I don’t know what I’m doing or if I can discover a goal. I don’t know why I’m doing it. I’m burdened to stay close to family to “make sure all is going fine” but that restricts me from being able to feel I deserve to want anything that takes me away from family. But let’s not kid ourselves. I haven’t felt I deserved anything in maybe 3 years or more. ",4.58243923611111,5.7148049348958345,5.5056249999999975,80.92131944444445,69.96354166666666,8.084722222222222,30.88888888888889,8.401726058763845,2.3455597222222218,1541,64,291,23,27,506,205,384,0.096,0.741,0.163,0.9816,1,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,5,17,22,0,4,22,0,38,4,1,6,7,66,70,21,0,7,15,0,8,2,5,1,2,0,0,4,15,12,1,3,17,1,4,6,11,9,0,4,8,9,33,13,49,56,7,42,0,3,1,0,12,17,0,6,19,203,48,7,0.09172254103304786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243620971087534,0.07335048292568704,0.15264100375812004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413453334561141,0.0,0.15095967200641805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25852903986589665,0.0,0.0,0.11182641935179903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915345094981959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583053323182353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296828957896762,0.07728019678109935,0.08764481864021978,0.0,0.0,0.2594035457665572,0.0,0.32464370890212496,0.13105320328207934,0.08806802340695025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091126069959517,0.0,0.2125938230235965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425606763173736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976403505033996,0.0,0.0,0.0941337890536358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969099005183651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095514911841025,0.15122492940025514,0.0,0.0,0.0971209272645793,0.0,0.09379251259857514,0.12957268657888302,0.08962200092848405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702383355550249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367652513028931,0.09299226018543283,0.09214762081514033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642411433698724,0.29245963604343606,0.0,0.06801110196390762,0.0,0.08858620168904771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646070280603888,0.0697591256316278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358886100735474,0.08008858492672333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430604854961014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350075649876461,0.09568661424036984,0.10362036358402596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349957969123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492168663651912,0.09776402466881354,0.0,0.0,0.1050678608552388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644740943196216,0.0,0.06896393584577717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093638061496134,0.058772100700095385,0.0,0.07281745207298497,0.053484151289506086,0.0,0.0869422440641099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959959478280863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054100331150385296,0.0728050837391716,0.07357428979832442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655306535073987,0.10240494146261796,0.10547639554257393,0.0,0.0,0.06677510228225017,0.0,0.0,0.06515706150161152,0.0,0.0,0.059066309183648476
bpd,leothesunflower19,2019/02/06,"any advice for getting through a break up? i was with my boyfriend for 7 months (today’s our 7 month anniversary), but i loved and cared about him so deeply. even though i have BPD i have healthy relationships and behave healthily in them because i work very hard to, and if i am ever doing anything wrong i apologize and learn from it. i am always calm, communicating, and loving. i’ve been feeling like for a while, my boyfriend doesn’t care for me as much as he used to or doesn’t spend time with me anymore (we were ldr so this is important to me). i told him multiple times that we gotta spend more time together, but i was always ditched so he could play video games with his friends. he wouldn’t answer my messages for an hour each time, would never invite me.. and i never tried to tell him not to spend time with them or that i’m more important. but anyway, i was supposed to buy a ticket to fly out and see him again tomorrow morning, but i told him that it’s really important to discuss how i’m feeling. he’s really been treating me like trash, i even talked to our mutual friends and my family about it to make sure i wasn’t overreacting. they all said his actions were horrible. he told me that if i wouldn’t come see him without talking about this that we should break up. this upset me a lot and i told him we shouldn’t date if he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend. i kept telling him i didn’t want to fight and that i want to work through it. he told me after that he’s done with me and wants nothing to do with me, blocked me on everything and banned me from my friends discord servers. i’m completely isolated now, except for one pal that reached out. i’m completely dissociated so i’m not crying anymore after 2 hours, but i’m shattered. he was everything to me, my best friend and i’ve never loved anyone so deeply. we talked about getting married and living together with our cats and perhaps some children (something id remember when i was feeling suicidal). we also lost our virginities together. but i guess he didn’t care about me or love me as much as i thought he did. i’m so very sad to have been thrown away, i don’t know what i’ll do. i already miss him so much even though he’s hurt me terribly. i am even hoping still that he’ll talk to me again and want to work it out, but it’s more probable that he won’t. i’m not sure if i can go on or how i could even begin to. any advice would be much appreciated thank u",3.992406736054264,4.701672451292247,4.818274470822129,86.86787714887149,71.0079522862823,8.303332943515379,28.114197169921646,8.4952907291091,1.749848836393404,1925,67,420,30,34,624,211,503,0.10300000000000001,0.691,0.20600000000000002,0.9953,0,0,1,0,1,0,48.0,10,0,3,5,29,29,1,1,6,0,41,5,0,4,7,92,88,49,1,17,20,0,4,2,6,9,0,1,0,1,20,34,0,3,8,4,4,3,18,8,0,1,24,7,75,21,58,52,12,40,0,4,2,5,67,9,0,12,28,275,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839797143121282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781454215105184,0.05663022849928375,0.11784646230536598,0.0,0.0,0.09631240392934984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045765924205306,0.04951505611403429,0.0,0.05827419519896985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653243449507497,0.0,0.0,0.04316778450228445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431531555824765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918822381210031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659991839577591,0.0,0.0,0.061000312001776635,0.14849504557010193,0.0,0.0,0.11307902923648845,0.0,0.07778626354782563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246768979867778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338611274835029,0.06405565457301549,0.0,0.0,0.12728678462090154,0.0,0.06675748854154277,0.0,0.10741762415977653,0.05058980221675017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188440356520401,0.0,0.07399517426847596,0.0,0.04024544009071885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801001553659809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343576884281465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033465068322939,0.1394757858610962,0.0,0.0758082509084588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038917727442007326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919265134607201,0.0,0.06253038873372106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730225331921008,0.06020384757409876,0.255650945621494,0.0,0.04726914385653898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130467138315868,0.0,0.20822684862898355,0.0,0.1638492300632505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794830076255635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798565183154457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634987123303254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073100129203672,0.0,0.0,0.07602813505696236,0.0802188801659213,0.0,0.0673606850461463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285977381789535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545163640085158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056552449748172626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774594304183072,0.0,0.13348341698753172,0.0,0.0,0.22767164244926416,0.12378976653429805,0.06519636044239918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391495238460437,0.05621870211552063,0.24775458220365534,0.0,0.06712374549161733,0.33833084039831085,0.0,0.048078310885833614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611608816856147,0.0,0.11685854800334013,0.16707260771750626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826252855003774,0.0,0.15466112080562494,0.0,0.0,0.10060899762354453,0.07742440024312623,0.0,0.0
bpd,ajago12598,2019/02/06,"How to help a partner who probably has BPD Hello fellow sufferers of poor mental health! 

ANYWAYS, I have strong feelings that my boyfriend has BPD (a lot of past trauma from relationships as the likely cause) and I want to know ways to effectively be there for him and to like, just be helpful. I'm well-versed on my own set of issues, but BPD is not one of those issues so I don't really know if my attempts to help him are at all effective/what he needs. I love him to death but I feel like I don't know how to be the person he needs, so the relationship can be tricky at times.

As for some details that make this situation more difficult, I have ADHD and am super forgetful so I'll forget to text him back (we're long distance atm) which obviously is not great. He also tells me that he doesn't have the money available to get treatment so uhh, am I shit out of luck?

​

Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to read. I hope y'all have a nice day",3.1774242424242445,4.437771792929297,4.4569898989899,86.6188181818182,73.49494949494951,7.704242424242422,24.31111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.2539086868686868,757,22,163,12,15,250,124,198,0.14,0.6679999999999999,0.192,0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,4,12,15,1,0,8,0,19,3,1,5,2,31,34,16,1,5,6,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,6,1,3,1,5,4,0,1,1,2,18,11,25,29,6,13,0,1,0,1,22,4,1,5,9,105,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479144497064954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842450812889464,0.0,0.1333537096607484,0.14955183757341753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463849638708896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650329316456901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643382244118045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937438284845696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760519932021984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446270131076954,0.08792612234620734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430257147363183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569265562779806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082493043549462,0.0,0.0,0.2474874436818543,0.0,0.0,0.12224307726397456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569204987069296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291944509931145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038738820268155,0.0,0.0,0.10891913443394448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046355319760464,0.11108165745702664,0.0,0.08215474945174651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124032511334584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047564215548204,0.18251984148171194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340005512822365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749077456860264,0.0,0.107465953375359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269765496197344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231101509029437,0.0,0.078846178188419,0.0,0.0,0.26427694167023663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633661227995996,0.0,0.1383435300040671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757458697772243,0.11331262257609333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353419564242675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674290289154364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725939117330919,0.0976926704568637,0.0,0.0,0.11066086419505083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955183757341753,0.0
bpd,somethingtidal,2019/02/06,"Narcissism Aren't ""normies"" such brainwashed narcissists? What's up with that? How do we get out?",3.0139215686274485,5.956051176470593,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,96.05882352941177,6.972549019607843,29.196078431372552,7.793537801064563,2.707760784313725,78,4,14,2,3,22,17,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elemelody,2019/02/06,i think i ruined my relationship? my girlfriend  and fp recently told me that shes investing too much of herself to my mental state because i go to her for so much and she needs to be able to maintain her mental health and ever since we had that conversation shes been very distant and im scared that ive pushed her to the point shes going to leave me but isnt telling me and now im convinced i have to break up with her before she can break up with me so i dont get hurt,2.007884615384615,3.068100173076928,3.77615384615385,91.14384615384618,76.11538461538461,6.7384615384615385,23.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,0.6477346153846151,374,11,88,4,8,126,63,104,0.052000000000000005,0.871,0.077,0.6715,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,11,1,0,0,1,12,17,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,3,0,24,1,13,13,2,12,0,2,0,0,16,3,0,0,3,61,27,0,0.18842279385880734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486078625918555,0.0,0.1603339195793237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208301111027785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704392044538212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984431329272044,0.0,0.2141700319098973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002846188248445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017104978787688,0.0,0.4070579017625493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951253259279614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37977171739118976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770248673815049,0.1397131141497538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812044382580824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604477744034764,0.2022955653422545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864408727482165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558652821874315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468982690341727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073371812576746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180046054213528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546853816484496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flowerant,2019/02/06,"Im just.. so tired   so tired
Tired of work
Tired of trying
Tired of not feeling important
Tired of feeling so alone
Tired of not feeling wanted
Tired of people leaving my life
Tired of never feeling good enough for those around me
I’m tired of trying to exist",2.8794117647058783,5.27905105882353,3.1958431372549043,90.31729411764708,77.62745098039215,4.864313725490196,21.964705882352945,5.6839178017228535,0.23514588235294154,208,6,39,1,5,64,27,51,0.5870000000000001,0.413,0.0,-0.9909,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,10,6,3,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,11,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,11,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,22,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559429201737356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357070917390182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539337620197768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714922106789454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931789221330603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892697353055554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875080960108193,0.0,0.0,0.058373923194923925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374017157768692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729496526625185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9498715624752068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221974435322332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874559073790513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016583887969677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,A_person_in_a_place,2019/02/06,"First post. Just wanted to say a few things and ask a question. Hi everybody.  I think I have met criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder in the past, but I may not meet full criteria now.  I still have traits, if nothing else, though.  I find that it's really hard to connect to people and maintain that connection.  My main symptoms now are fear of abandonment, attempts to avoid abandonment, feeling empty, unstable self image and sense of self, chronic suicidal ideation (**but I would not act on it)**, idealzation/devaluation of people, emotional reactivity, anger and some impulsivity.  Actually, it looks like I still meet criteria LOL  My symptoms aren't as severe as they used to be, though.  I tend to be described as intense and serious by people I know.  I think that puts people off and then I end up feeling abandoned, which just feels like it validates my fear of abandonment.  It's a difficult cycle.

​

I think that psychotherapy is only so effective... I think that psychiatry/psychology have a long way to go when it comes to understanding human beings and how to help them effectively change.  With that said, I've taken an interest in ""Mentalization Based Therapy"" and the theory behind it recently.  I recently was thinking about BPD, what its roots are and how to conceptualize it generally.  It seems to me that, at the root, there is some mixture of serious attachment problems and emotional reactivity.  The other symptoms, to me, seem like outgrowths of those core problems.  I think that many people with BPD probably have some sort of genetic predisposition to have a hyperactive (or otherwise dysfunctional) attachment system which somehow happens to be linked to affect regulation in those individuals.  I initially thought that Mentalization Based Therapy was BS, but recently I gained more interest in it again.  Has anyone read the book Affect Regulation, Mentalization, and the Development of the Self by Peter Fonagy and some other authors?  I am NOT a Freudian or into psychoanalysis.  Nevertheless, I'm intrigued by the theory linking affect regulation, mentalization and the development of self.  Any thoughts on the book or similar books on the topic?  Thoughts on this post?",6.665837789661323,9.58859276737968,7.539625668449202,61.1931639928699,67.85026737967914,11.485204991087349,35.93226381461675,11.14670477721597,5.326350445632797,1781,92,257,65,33,593,202,374,0.15,0.7240000000000001,0.126,-0.9332,0,1,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,2,5,16,18,1,3,18,1,20,4,0,10,0,76,48,30,1,5,12,0,4,3,0,2,4,2,0,6,29,17,0,5,22,4,0,4,4,13,0,1,8,7,25,5,47,34,8,35,0,4,1,0,17,13,0,14,17,187,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.07657144566467995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501782106003708,0.09534471443173488,0.05335953484034344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486521473966096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335506855221692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765022745527647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300656797463672,0.06759146570400826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992877351660275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554823039492387,0.17652725885154338,0.0694975393343296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765920109708059,0.11902422169890085,0.05605608839191575,0.0,0.0,0.07171645425380609,0.06674309464445216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445940060692692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938717801327339,0.0,0.07029007645111099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259407044887805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431228325454756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150034950712518,0.0,0.0,0.06943989413475493,0.06589163353417803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795521547916481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31630087775127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529019262236236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967688869279258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749046252548214,0.27199204018670103,0.06851343856392036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502973749440277,0.0,0.08459956242195388,0.15016262891659396,0.0,0.0788799494238807,0.08789981869293573,0.0,0.07848718124728235,0.0,0.050267295042215665,0.0,0.2324269701137576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463908435357662,0.06239927064379761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286490279865266,0.32742838306584343,0.08864418594585989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532601366104265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582901075028171,0.0,0.0,0.24466848979455624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794652981054588,0.0,0.05212928875432974,0.301666864081021,0.15418478955476508,0.18687959214967934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168581833499737,0.0,0.06776938512641921,0.0,0.0,0.04628124866922053,0.06228261663592475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573995762667902,0.0,0.09534471443173488,0.0
bpd,Chronicallyoddsgirl,2019/02/06,"Losing it Spiralling :) because :) my boyfriend :) who loves me and treats me like a motherfucking princess :) mentioned rough sex :) which I am totally into :) and now I'm cutting in the bathroom :) cuz that's a TOTALLY NORMAL OKAY RESPONSE, right? :)

I ask for it rough. Literally beg for it. I'm into it 1000%. The pain, the humiliation, being used. He's not a bad guy for having this kink. He'd never do anything nonconsensually.

But my sexual experiences started with sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rapes from way too many people I trusted. I'm not sure this kink stuff is what I'm into so much as what I think I deserve.

What I want is someone to love me enough to not enjoy it. To tell me I can have better, be better. To be patient through the panic attacks I get with gentler sex. To reassure me it's okay, I deserve to be loved gently and treated well. To just... Not want to hurt me. Somebody. Anybody. Ever.

But even guys who say they don't want to end up doing it. And get off on it. Hard. And do it more and more and push any boundaries because... It's fun. Hurting me is fun.

I can't even be upset. I ask for it. I get off to it. But sometimes I get stupid and let myself wander into 'what if...' territory and hope for shit I don't deserve. ",0.1726850258175574,2.5679632851405643,2.6335674125071726,88.85255421686745,92.85542168674698,4.773425129087778,21.57211703958692,6.474141703775902,0.5876411015490537,954,36,193,12,35,326,135,249,0.156,0.578,0.266,0.9827,0,0,0,0,1,0,59.0,0,0,1,3,9,32,6,2,7,2,20,8,1,2,5,38,40,17,0,6,9,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,23,16,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,13,1,0,0,4,26,19,29,33,6,17,0,3,0,6,16,10,1,2,6,138,49,0,0.0,0.15052163697856116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639156253598154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454310293114047,0.0,0.2375305186269601,0.14452635037626266,0.0,0.0,0.10607310108520708,0.15488482073833568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247131284013409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125197405386514,0.13126628927522835,0.0,0.16781745565853887,0.11491496135611524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242695059094143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654926453653952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515791643063659,0.0,0.0,0.11380289490068565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617939382769275,0.0,0.0,0.2719979143664889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990701646922306,0.0,0.06206533137911782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212527454200136,0.0,0.0,0.34397570440008024,0.0,0.0,0.12879862945054332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338902405653322,0.0,0.09798108674119343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447223571308913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351795266071293,0.14905407831152614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807354644071087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849147358690814,0.0,0.10102731420266224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040474366745575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764058740073272,0.0,0.12564581734699184,0.0,0.08991957227114683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543041629702885,0.0,0.0,0.11973370506517575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110385674176221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140210814326891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972177869788154,0.0,0.0,0.2247944664780296,0.1008384459517231,0.0,0.0,0.11422422502034905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coolo6,2019/02/06,"Help with jealousy? Saw my fp follow some sex worker accounts earlier and have been so jealous and on edge ever since. I sent her sexual messages after which she responded positively to and I felt better for a while but now she's gone to sleep and I'm panicking again because I am not going to see her for a week and I feel so jealous. They are so much prettier than me and younger too, and I want her to be happy but I have this awful desperate jealousy and I keep nearly acting recklessly. I nearly posted my nudes on a public account ",2.2296176720475778,4.621965130841126,4.19429056924384,82.31695836873408,79.93457943925233,6.881563296516568,24.68054375531011,8.00094639256281,1.7538299065420562,427,16,78,8,11,145,74,107,0.196,0.664,0.14,-0.8323,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,7,4,2,0,3,1,6,3,2,0,1,18,17,14,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,2,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,5,4,17,2,13,11,2,16,0,0,2,2,11,4,0,1,6,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871039766442293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714579758534702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776391662288357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519493586631966,0.0,0.2947045517535363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443753413780352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267367043676791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573123538444535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728168365225547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256316363683028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29395770624303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445864749368711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25389878537168026,0.0,0.3071554327627312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103748925667293,0.0,0.2462037554244552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,libbylloyd,2019/02/06,"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa is anyone else a ridiculously sexual person to the point where it’s distressing and it’s concerning how much you think about it??? i’m such a flirt with everyone and i’m always thinking about how i can get my next sex fix 
at the same time though i’ll get periods (used to be more common but are still there occasionally) where the thought of sex or any intimacy of any kind makes me feel sick and extremely uncomfortable 
help pls lol ",7.379186046511627,7.707668313953492,6.89706976744186,76.24909302325581,63.534883720930225,11.531162790697675,31.153488372093026,11.20814326018867,3.360956279069768,369,12,71,10,5,115,66,86,0.12300000000000001,0.725,0.152,0.5877,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,1,5,1,4,3,0,4,0,15,14,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,8,12,3,9,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,40,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000753787183884,0.0,0.0,0.326920408124125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807266450293773,0.24628801517485385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007987353772888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296843436804467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153856304184925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511673635392896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111530045663278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25030891932080723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604491962696047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669999802445807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556367871715133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988227656333752,0.0,0.0,0.2272278468690079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196021693793133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30803946166939505,0.2361628267496892,0.190827352344944,0.14016198991367004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760296271453946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,798542468,2019/02/06,"How do you keep a partner “alive” in your head? I’ve been in a loving relationship for “5” years; meaning we’ve been in each other’s lives romantically for 5 years but I’ve broken up with him so many times that it’s ridiculous. 

Sometimes he dies in my head. Not literally but my emotions towards him deaden completely. I go hours without thinking of him and can say the most callous things. I’ve been dissociative when breaking up with him many times and months will go by before I remember how much he means to me. 

I have a loving, patient, kind, flawed man who only wants to love me and I feel nothing right now. Maybe even disdain?

How do you handle going emotionally blank on loved ones? Especially romantic partners. ",3.9778223844282223,6.199978941605844,4.796806569343065,81.0062074209246,73.45255474452554,7.194403892944036,28.204987834549875,8.07648339933343,1.9762754257907544,573,23,105,9,12,185,96,137,0.075,0.7190000000000001,0.20600000000000002,0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,7,6,1,0,4,0,8,6,2,3,0,21,21,10,1,1,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,3,2,15,5,17,17,3,21,0,0,0,4,19,9,0,1,8,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436783044704595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091994539260588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949004180880134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30237262317697033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877251678776221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679586566796853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291545228911276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275874380053231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236078046696662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946437315225387,0.0,0.13996099251336813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868111736528615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852191149979019,0.0,0.0,0.2725289440307957,0.13502679548611662,0.2928105257164393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727992088086352,0.0,0.09880234059465068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896417919154726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107556969013586,0.10222023213001366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429950304935882,0.1522534326857524,0.11478020713076895,0.0,0.106883386008743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329289064236913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892919874672297,0.08612060030764611,0.0,0.0,0.15674400476176115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927491003407447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956057569060506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731034264305132
bpd,Trewanarchy,2019/02/06,"Duality of emotion? Can anyone relate or have advice?
So I would say I'm a more passive person ( passive  aggressive at times). However I'm totally confused atm.  I walked away from a really triggering event without incident and feel really great  about it. However I'm formulating plans to fuck things up the next conversation I have with person. 
Because hey I was the bigger person last time.",4.7650000000000015,7.699797500000002,6.515714285714285,66.15928571428572,74.0,10.285714285714286,31.42857142857143,10.290406445055957,4.4681428571428565,315,15,46,11,7,108,54,70,0.107,0.768,0.125,0.3063,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,1,4,0,5,1,0,1,1,9,10,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,1,9,8,2,10,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,2,5,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160579018707624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459936333428906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773220957945168,0.0,0.0,0.13478146899874768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487095143898865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179560056600292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440484492595729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437652689286903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802272950890536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351440352208393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5791721056092853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832866633964232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758288482024579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689006305233487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578522149143613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313402996292635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570642164120704,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bageldaddy3,2019/02/06,"Why is therapy so expensive I'm trying to get into a DBT program and I know that's the best thing for me, but even with insurance to have to go to 2 therapy sessions (individual and group) per week is a lot of money to spend. I can't tell if it's worth all of the money because spending it will make me upset too. Do any of you do workbooks at home instead? Is it helpful? 

I'm so confused and disheartened ",1.361046511627908,3.18866551162791,4.1071511627907,84.76328488372096,79.93023255813954,7.090697674418602,27.02906976744186,8.07648339933343,1.8362372093023256,318,14,67,6,8,113,62,86,0.131,0.774,0.096,-0.6364,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,2,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,12,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,12,13,3,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,3,1,47,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801550488475716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149309971237466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780177580104802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497751536237888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841004575693647,0.0,0.15056044558401907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757065085294627,0.0,0.2657368976947652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559339819810552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252259658782817,0.0,0.0,0.1768365147796421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315522251233096,0.0,0.6059194414526279,0.0,0.17600143235928167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986365395883552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250327404812505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390495777945591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notrealaccounttt123,2019/02/06,"Does this sound like BPD?  First of all i'm a 22 year old male. For a while now I've suspected that i could have borderline personality disorder (BPD). I struggle with anxiety/social anxiety and find it hard to get through each day. I dropped out of school due to the anxiety and basically cut contact with all my friends from high school out of embarrassment. I dropped out when i was 16. I have always been a moody kid and had a lot of temper tantrums as a kid. I also struggled with extreme anger issues when i was a teenager to the point where the police were called on me by my parents. I get really paranoid and think that people are trying to insult me subliminally all the time. Like they could say a certain word and that could trigger my reaction to thinking they're trying to insult me. My relationships have usually been unstable. I'd test people in my relationships to see if they really cared a lot of the time and if i felt they didn't i would get angry and cause an argument. Another symptom i see listed as BPD is the lack of self image. I'm not sure if this is a lack of self image but i seem to not know what i want to do in life. My goals seem to change a lot and i can never stick to one. Like for example not long ago i was actually considering going off and being a monk. I was so into meditation and stuff like that and now I've completely cut that part of my life out. Another thing is my morals. Sometimes i'm so overcome by guilt and shame and want to strive to be this really moral person and then other times i'm like f\*ck it i don't need to be that moral in life. Fear of abandonment seems to be a major symptom in diagnosing BPD. I'm not sure if this classes under fear of abandonment (someone let me know if it does) but i have an extreme fear of rejection and it usually has to do with my looks. For example i can't even say hello to a girl without being extremely fearful that she will reject the ""hello"" based on the fact that she mightn't think i'm good looking enough. I feel the fear of rejection with most things in my life but it's worse when it comes to my looks. Another example is when i'm in a nightclub and a girl shows signs of interest in me like smiling or moving her body towards me on the dance floor. When this happens my friend is like ""she definitely likes you man you gotta go for that"" or whatever and even then i'm way to scared to even make the slight advancement on her out of the fear of rejection. I also engage in self destructive behavior. The way my anxiety works it means i can't drink alcohol or my anxiety will go through the roof and i get all these horrible physical symptoms. SO many times through the years when i start to manage to get my anxiety levels down i end up going out partying and drinking a lot and then end up back at square one again. I have also self harmed in the past by like hitting my head off things. I never cut before though. I have threatened to kill myself a good few times before as well. I was in a really heated argument with my mother when i was a teenager and i pulled out a knife and threatened to kill myself. I have mood swings. I guess i feel emptiness too. I feel like nothing will ever be good enough at times and that it's all just pointless. My parents divorced when i was around 6 years old. My dad (who is most likely mentally unstable) was abusive to my mother in front of me as a kid and would kick her sometimes and punch holes in doors and my mam told me that one time when i was in the car with them as a toddler he pretended he was going to crash the car to scare my mam. I have a memory stuck in my head of him pushing her and her landing on me when i was a kid but i'm not even sure if the memory is real or not. All the things i listed are not as bad as i've gotten older and gotten my anxiety under control but they're still there. ",3.4347452978056445,4.549607417929295,4.843092998955068,84.66136363636366,72.67424242424242,8.391361894810172,26.281435040055733,8.841846274778883,1.816263514454894,3033,100,641,58,58,1014,310,792,0.21600000000000005,0.7040000000000001,0.08,-0.9988,2,0,3,0,1,2,52.0,0,2,4,5,34,58,11,13,46,0,55,14,3,4,14,125,107,71,2,16,24,5,5,11,2,6,9,3,1,16,33,46,3,3,15,5,0,14,14,33,1,4,21,14,91,24,108,69,20,108,4,6,6,0,53,44,0,20,57,444,124,7,0.0,0.05806415452167445,0.04782283460418012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043440905571561834,0.05237256267638618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757035900955512,0.0407769585502765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416134583834465,0.2249369600395858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362577348454895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03768262670845919,0.04091800392047218,0.0,0.0,0.08340107644448966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443467280211447,0.24688561264639344,0.0,0.05004065522091725,0.0,0.04996493302464152,0.05034271164756788,0.05184190185849848,0.04221437191054515,0.051381909984223186,0.0,0.05496445100833103,0.11738202737389693,0.0,0.0,0.03160484742761384,0.0,0.0,0.04974010815301653,0.0,0.0,0.05616517782457154,0.0,0.08577104742967663,0.0,0.0,0.09601454241996224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680962727379214,0.10127269749330804,0.0,0.1294721326765735,0.044328776958385586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308725776208725,0.07433679250519075,0.03500993118849316,0.04705349220266709,0.0,0.04479064095507898,0.04168452023395811,0.0,0.0,0.07572390376585908,0.0,0.1280181897292619,0.0,0.1392563349219991,0.12331184644323664,0.0,0.0,0.053985687950472185,0.0,0.043335887274624126,0.0,0.04389979412374082,0.0,0.10058868901316123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051777581374016265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114958297163515,0.0,0.0,0.1084358647087498,0.0,0.05386488580918331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501120053510514,0.13845768672348654,0.26336068158521586,0.0,0.0,0.04336881122344997,0.1234582159818524,0.0,0.0,0.166652761504876,0.0,0.0,0.03271191823731786,0.04968444186971879,0.0,0.05338195396286529,0.0,0.0,0.049386571033597865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208567450403588,0.0,0.03633736437078899,0.07559297221239437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047022625703891326,0.0,0.10284720941511193,0.0,0.09962330124120136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088308358513004,0.05306877544877772,0.046781818908530184,0.06794924786173676,0.08558038344879705,0.0,0.0,0.04632655644800435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577961253720103,0.1255781194118036,0.0,0.0,0.10522831322129267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794315422717121,0.09812720842157524,0.0991934757667408,0.07810295241686438,0.1338397993790338,0.2044959876641688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041522666276411456,0.0,0.0969364710599968,0.0,0.0346867337060544,0.0,0.03913629402505752,0.0,0.0,0.10246352551131226,0.056100201496113465,0.0,0.0,0.138562863623663,0.15280814693690425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022976554727833,0.09420329224084953,0.04814819431285103,0.0,0.2000307488254475,0.0,0.0,0.046827379915583424,0.0,0.06654378084185142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794647887441076,0.0,0.05781007479147,0.07779744128480759,0.0,0.0,0.044062323429585784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047240082438948366,0.0,0.035676987322077136,0.0,0.04994135062208704,0.06962498229687357,0.0,0.0,0.09467486646443082
bpd,thanksfforthefish,2019/02/06,"I’m not actively suicidal, but every time I hear about things to prolong my life I always think, “Why?” I don’t want to die. But I also don’t want to live very long. The idea of living to 90 terrifies me. 

Anyone else feel similar? ",-0.061875000000000575,2.182736562500004,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,89.625,6.533333333333335,18.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.8373916666666661,177,5,38,4,6,62,37,48,0.231,0.669,0.099,-0.8719,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,8,3,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,6,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937796228420334,0.1970460254638974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655840118918538,0.24264122755560436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457728082055277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978255077047406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995237878141041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973894105598967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26690361822556297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673312052496876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726686978229438,0.0,0.0,0.4182175461072341,0.2095706051773922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590331962460577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732694768386785,0.15173916006827454,0.0,0.0,0.1380866107721245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539417624496444,0.27935495619137024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368542241612007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BitwiseAnomaly,2019/02/07,"I don't know how to find good therapy I've been out of therapy for a while now. This has to do with problems with my last therapist but that problem with my therapist is ultimately stemming from a problem with me. I don't know how to find good help. My last therapist completely destroyed my trust in her as a competent professional acting in my interests when I told her I was struggling with self-destructive impulses and she responded by showing me a pop-psychology TED talk about ""the power of yes"". This isn't the only thing she did that made me lose trust in her but I do think it's the easiest single event to point out as an example. I think this ranges anywhere between incompetent to downright criminally negligent, but she's not my therapist so that's not the point. The point is that I'm upset at myself because I didn't do anything about it. I am always so afraid that people will turn against me and use any excuse to invalidate me if I don't do exactly what they say that even when dealing with my own therapists I fail to assert myself and problems that *need* to be addressed get swept under the rug because I'm afraid what will happen if I push back when I feel I'm being flippantly dismissed. Now I can't continue therapy at that agency because I owe them money, because they told me I should keep going to my appointments after my insurance expired and that I could fill out a waiver for the fee. I did what they asked and they sent a bill. I said I didn't want to come in again because they lied and sent me a bill. They said to come in again with the bill and they'd fix it, so I did, then they sent me two bills. At this point I feel like I need a doctor, a lawyer, a psychiatrist, and a case worker, but I have access to none of these and every time I try to get what I need the same institutions that are supposed to help me betray me and blame me for it. I want to die.",6.0873160173160175,5.493854753246751,6.854025974025976,78.57627705627709,66.40259740259741,10.450216450216454,32.099567099567096,9.957137785484203,2.8591125541125537,1500,53,309,30,21,499,178,385,0.14400000000000002,0.765,0.092,-0.9708,2,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,9,5,17,17,1,4,21,1,29,1,0,4,1,56,62,28,1,13,8,0,2,1,0,3,1,4,2,0,24,22,0,1,8,1,7,9,10,11,0,1,15,6,63,6,49,40,4,41,0,2,0,0,30,16,0,2,17,224,87,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066051085774537,0.0,0.0,0.05774873110701353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988218945280447,0.0,0.07938903781364473,0.0,0.0,0.06529848591818019,0.0,0.2588332009173596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630267635386218,0.08903734210229076,0.0,0.0,0.06780196721089334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754912330249423,0.0,0.0,0.0881338872066066,0.0,0.0,0.08691954810732261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608907188043846,0.0,0.07154903399865882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587653290303869,0.06066709511508345,0.0,0.0,0.1552312719757895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873472673740727,0.0,0.04826217607001503,0.1424542744116599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509476042758575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384060379324085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548108418406374,0.0,0.0,0.09333997639569427,0.13844279344072352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041487779913548496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950041187137704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035366211011212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890202856828134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458573165479778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887305891622618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211086124395582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32502911824749425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155734585412868,0.06753204862944112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859041644126855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877715889462602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825573822318483,0.0,0.0,0.2913413677895208,0.4929951962733748,0.05641728864543221,0.10882702700861073,0.0,0.0,0.04951772275945085,0.0,0.0,0.16229001399823206,0.0,0.057655324426583415,0.09236892501976277,0.08295481533956353,0.0,0.0,0.07334389272063667,0.0,0.0,0.10017641243285028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moninja777,2019/02/07,"My bf called me evil, abusive, and manipulative. I'm not. All those words imply malicious intent and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt him or have him do something he doesnt want to do. I'm broken. I thought he knew me better than this.",2.502244897959187,4.939483714285718,4.366693877551022,81.21044897959185,79.20408163265307,6.3689795918367365,24.08571428571429,7.554174236665415,1.2651926530612252,198,7,38,3,5,67,38,49,0.285,0.664,0.051,-0.9249,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,14,11,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,7,1,3,8,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.4263712588987089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296131342315101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182639432136702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674538506316212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38523396202095866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775436152614821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27703521253032826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28568596552623404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225276221551334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25563182308662524,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Error_Expected,2019/02/07,"Newly diagnosed. Pretty thrown by it, but...makes sense. Any hope with DBT? Hi all, new here. So I was always considered to have IED (being male, I have heard it is a common misdiagnosis for BPD) but I never realized how much of the other symptoms I suppressed. Had my psyche eval today, and...9/9 on the DSM criteria lol. My psychotherapist indicated that it's common with having narcissistic parents. Also with childhood trauma. He also inferred that it's why I'm drawn to narc women but that's a story for another day I guess.

​

He's planning treatment of dialectical behavioural therapy. I was just wondering everyone's experience with DBT? I realize there are parts of my personality I don't like. I want to get better. 

​

Thanks to everyone for their posts, btw. I am learning more of this.",3.271448948948948,6.3052267905405435,5.07747747747748,73.30430930930932,81.77027027027026,7.883483483483483,27.141141141141144,8.680891452615391,2.9004312312312317,647,28,103,17,18,219,104,148,0.054000000000000006,0.835,0.111,0.8447,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,4,1,11,2,0,2,2,19,19,6,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,9,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,14,4,17,14,4,9,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,8,69,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355210827763301,0.12252875866407115,0.3191035514285637,0.3578642290023372,0.10013910529479254,0.1544107179733644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302359337275092,0.0,0.0,0.18546373200126867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496791474278864,0.0,0.0,0.14946170397410458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814187686643141,0.0,0.14404458921566254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693516354147821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622190463774157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625839877918426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194182593399782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825007719336123,0.0,0.1135728776521208,0.1422207278579513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351032170277824,0.1594638592661045,0.0,0.0,0.12857822803345414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103050841882148,0.14981225509099913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305533013086794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557350739511814,0.16840002857517605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395814358968062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868553829700462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287560351250033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969281168252014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578642290023372,0.0
bpd,bishploxx,2019/02/07,"First post here. Discussion about overreacting, obsessing and losing emotional control Diagnosed BPD earlier this year after being with my therapist for 2.5 years, first time posting here. I've been struggling with BPD symptoms/behavior for most of my life and have always had issues with reacting inappropriately emotionally to certain things, but not been able to control it when it's happening or explain why I overreact.

Right now I've been obsessing over and getting continuously triggered by something that happened 3 weeks ago, and I spiral severely every time it pops back into my head and it takes hours for me to ""come back."" The problem is, I know in my heart that this particular thing is extremely petty, yes it was something to be legitimately upset about when it happened, but normally one would just be upset about it right when it happens then move on with life, but I've been hooked on this particular thing for weeks now and it keeps tearing me down.

I haven't had an episode like this in over a year, but I can't figure out why this particular thing keeps triggering me or why I can't just let it go. ",14.028759581881538,9.174971834146344,12.581672473867595,57.01926829268295,55.04878048780488,16.202090592334496,48.7979094076655,13.484332010920856,6.26679094076655,906,40,154,23,7,291,118,205,0.131,0.821,0.047,-0.9511,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,5,14,9,0,5,3,1,18,5,2,5,1,37,30,16,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,21,13,0,4,3,0,0,3,4,7,0,3,7,0,13,2,27,18,1,37,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,3,22,111,34,0,0.10451886605937942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264966845412534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869680693931929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607371128701722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632757058908565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003374837727936,0.0,0.0,0.234453591410332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060844489454236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513931292406076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806165251675657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780738815324132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460679365891497,0.0,0.05940048021975886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697027523098131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726651027051144,0.0,0.0,0.123855359519084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293002934620643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909054131208323,0.0,0.1858023410107722,0.0,0.0,0.0574408353817465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687762191554476,0.14764953217565918,0.051062638504763946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692987622990918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108701373775057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024062972817012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082468861134987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020036400355415,0.0,0.0,0.10001043923763928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851708106665645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807656853467273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609274588446015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926581228406222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858517974327976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135445928583725,0.2777507614554089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218915826353599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676774597440414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28293605924678417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424720365581643,0.0,0.0,0.20192016886983008
bpd,_Suzuya90,2019/02/07,"Marriage - Lonely/Confused - Rant I found out I had BPD a little over a year ago around the same time I found out I had an anxiety disorder and depression... up until now I kind of disregarded my BPD, I thought ""oh now that I'm done with college and I'm on meds I'll okay"" well I'm much better but now I'm seeing all the BPD symptons way more clearly because before I use to blame school and stress for all my irrational behavior..

I have more control and less rage on the meds now than I did before but I feel like I'm ruining my marriage. I've been with my Husband close to 6 years but married for like 7 months.. I love him I feel like I really do but I split from him often... sometimes I hate and resent him. I want him to go away. I want him to hate me because I feel tht he does even though he tells me he doesnt. We used to be best friends and now its hard for us to even spend time together alone. I'm jealous that he has more fun with his own friends than me. It makes me sad and feel lonely. He has no interest to spend time with me, if his friends arent with us he's usually playing on the computer or busy with some project. I'm not needy nor do I need his attention 100%, I have my own hobbies and activites I do on my own that make me happy. But if I'm not interjecting myself to hang out with him and his friends I'd never see him. I like his friends, I'm close with them and have known them a long time. I dont want them to go away, but I wish he was happy with me like he is with them. Idk I just don't feel important to him anymore, but I feel irrational sometimes because he does have alot of good qualities. I just feel like I'm  a tag along in his life, doesn't really matter if i'm there or not. And I also hate that I'm close with our friends beause I constantly need their validation and approval that they like me. I got mad for a whole week because one of them didn't say bye to me but said bye to everyone else. I dont know what I want.. This is how I feel during a bad week, another week I could be happy and smiling and feel included or just content on my own I feel loving and approachable. I've told him all this and he just doesn't really ha ve a response. He doesn't really like anything I do, so I end getting involved in everything he does, which I'm fine with sometimes but other times I can't tell if I actually enjoy it or just adapting to make myself feel included..... but me going back and forth is driving him crazy.. I can't handle him being a ""husband"" so I said I didnt want to be married and now I feel better but disconnected from my emotions. Theres no more pressure. But I still like being around him but I dont feel so clingy and less argumentative and not so worried about what he does or doesnt do... Idk this is more of a rant.. just so much in my mind. We talked about doing couples therapy. I'm probably going to try and start individual therapy to help myself ",1.7899290515309936,3.2786193932038863,3.613608414239483,90.32260082150862,77.5598705501618,7.019218322130944,24.020537714712475,7.815909333733263,1.0464280806572075,2267,75,517,35,52,763,243,618,0.13,0.6579999999999999,0.213,0.9964,1,5,0,0,0,0,64.0,5,0,7,5,32,47,7,2,15,2,42,3,0,7,5,123,103,53,0,13,32,2,14,9,6,0,1,3,0,0,15,44,0,2,19,1,2,7,22,14,1,1,15,19,97,33,61,82,21,56,0,4,2,2,66,21,0,12,38,330,112,4,0.0,0.0,0.05614392932474894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099955183333435,0.0,0.0,0.059586858775607626,0.0,0.04600913616233622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032838898679351,0.04401260364256519,0.0,0.057057297315976536,0.0,0.0,0.04734477420824594,0.10243317291944594,0.0,0.0,0.10810833433011263,0.044239341900191416,0.04803766943626523,0.14028638256454234,0.0,0.09791272684405294,0.0,0.06037735610601756,0.10176656352736786,0.0,0.0,0.21738247799051744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217275679481631,0.06452817526035204,0.04593543581862996,0.06365919351669666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049553106742299485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593782657164099,0.0,0.20139013778077205,0.05887625559129572,0.2022848166259439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806145662667696,0.0647169049690825,0.0509571799612812,0.0,0.0,0.07600003561774109,0.0,0.0,0.054975267154362295,0.05170696958571423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781755136389523,0.12330480524083827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261639760356167,0.26669921616395803,0.0,0.03005862892039335,0.0,0.1307893668887773,0.0482559684365247,0.046014412689941185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837349122486531,0.05153828624033293,0.17040584162087538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03856317127815087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059911788022983865,0.03161864376073727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063727423422212,0.2529695519001193,0.057663201577544836,0.0,0.05091491318699297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385159550678924,0.0,0.11521121494327365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781243303175566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809195045843756,0.0,0.045922308519803334,0.0,0.08458678063912675,0.08532001224799432,0.044373012646237116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898586404227411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203032752343319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742850605461427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945415593071776,0.045752567560014584,0.0,0.058226488862679275,0.09169273793242227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070488685672722,0.0,0.04072216843308744,0.0,0.04594594494370194,0.0,0.06590388125012878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624286302272032,0.1005727925687668,0.0,0.13158804728856746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652590108865487,0.04567479222753838,0.16773983626658087,0.0,0.0,0.054975267154362295,0.0,0.03906114473879313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841028098261784,0.0993801158092651,0.06336449450291137,0.0,0.16967233227675727,0.04566703418244007,0.13844855748834534,0.0,0.05172909537860517,0.0,0.0,0.0642335634002989,0.0661601348875545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058427575614318335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409875854778986
bpd,Schmoaway420,2019/02/07,"Well, I did it again. I went a little crazy and blocked my bpd ex and sold the camera he gave me. I’m mad that I miss him even though he was manipulative and a dick. I’ve been crying for 3 days and had to leave work because I kept tearing up. It sucks how this disorder makes break ups so much worse I feel like my emotions are always turned up all the way :/ ",3.2137662337662327,3.4301353116883178,4.208207792207792,92.32088311688314,72.5064935064935,7.19896103896104,23.19220779220779,6.742157984588678,0.3253345454545449,277,6,68,2,5,90,62,77,0.314,0.633,0.053,-0.9624,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,4,0,5,1,1,3,1,11,15,7,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,8,1,9,2,5,7,2,9,0,1,0,1,5,4,2,0,3,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993674057518532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605867736572065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017693438935665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631906849520048,0.15452296259559498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27460375159344524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951911853991595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582543434244998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114957401249657,0.17117115657350682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537030920425084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705705140484922,0.2401433639138647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599356722032074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761344626174409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235406978182392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606173197693343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018429272944196,0.0,0.0,0.2154302681188087,0.22211272767896695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443253887301127,0.0,0.24417410879217424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chelsvader,2019/02/07,"Struggling with work/holding down a job One of my main struggles with BPD is holding down a job. I recently got almost guilt tripped into taking a job that I hate. I absolutely detest it, but I can't say why. This has happened so many times, I'm in the double figures of jobs and I am only 24. I spoke to my therapist about this and she asked why I hated it so much, but I just can't say why. I freak out, lose control and inevitably quit. This is putting SO much stress on myself and my relationship. I want to quit this job, I don't want to do it, but if I do, I'm pushing my partner further and further away. The relationship will probably end. But I don't know what to do, this job is making my life so incredibly difficult because all I do is have episodes because of it. Does anyone else have any similar experiences, what should I do? Put myself first, or continue living like this to preserve this relationship.",3.1337681159420288,4.795302086956525,4.649434782608697,83.57672463768117,74.32608695652173,7.51536231884058,28.571014492753626,8.238735603445708,1.975714927536232,720,30,145,12,15,241,102,184,0.14300000000000002,0.8059999999999999,0.051,-0.9569,6,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,5,7,10,2,4,5,0,19,1,0,2,1,26,32,15,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,1,14,9,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,9,0,2,2,3,23,1,18,28,5,18,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,3,6,102,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898885566759466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722468987798068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912161166693527,0.1012884789652332,0.0,0.0,0.09241594307663302,0.0,0.09287738844187464,0.0,0.0,0.1205220016318686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450422670239852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087412337333044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650854798073332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258054485545481,0.0,0.0875560580318395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966990149364515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408588741252848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906325646047795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741701998353704,0.0,0.0,0.19519740259381874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5885891279459822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432804189923165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982410611832983,0.04829548779601656,0.0,0.0872906462527407,0.0,0.0,0.11059329435012344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598638195936761,0.1002233050005958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533938259521478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698660673727233,0.07518357023274852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658225122548902,0.0,0.0,0.19875286220081487,0.0,0.2102886087765914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760724134200786,0.3183993499915973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572266936056551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323790004949587,0.20668911196958364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432654677421828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477810350290743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764305972020965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166143070123522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676033866744124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196751029746777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,caratmai,2019/02/07,"I hate how I can't make my mind up Since I can't add two flairs I'm gonna put a trigger warning for suicide mention here.

Sometimes I think that I want to be left alone but I know deep down that I don't. Sometimes I feel happy with speaking to people but then other times I feel like deleting all of my social media and just shutting away from the rest of the world. Sometimes I want a life and a future but other times I think that there's nothing for me  and that I should just end it.

And I don't talk about this to anyone because the way people view BPD has me worried that people will think I'm emotionally manipulative.",3.7170144189991534,4.474008419847332,4.588956743002544,88.08706530958445,71.67175572519083,6.4329092451229855,26.005937234944874,5.82211442006289,0.6932690415606446,497,15,106,2,9,161,81,131,0.127,0.8240000000000001,0.049,-0.8499,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,6,0,8,1,0,4,1,26,21,9,1,3,5,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,17,2,13,17,2,14,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,6,69,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608356858556405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085837821636396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590195267863612,0.0,0.0,0.09466456622987532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955848468326817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468260638397032,0.1375426252826228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704060970113634,0.11094064098310168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531122932335235,0.0,0.15331870692111155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534442592844148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872522021721928,0.0,0.10968733722611332,0.0758678306229067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365862067811324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568006585119643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490068691712475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229797741467018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561113591911278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284591531114506,0.0,0.0,0.15830064497193533,0.0,0.0,0.4607632978254989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698642509803628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481783304261483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29851454342056105,0.0,0.0,0.18110403646444456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169772623772598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319049866498094,0.12326356707919668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770657138009808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ayexcracker,2019/02/07,"My boyfriend called me a psychopath I don't even know how to pinpoint what I'm feeling, my emotions are just such a whirlwind. I'm trying my hardest not to cry at my desk right now. 

He hasn't proposed even though we've been together for six years. I now see why. I've always had this fear that he truly thought I was crazy and today, he outright confirmed it. I can't say that I blame him. I wish I were normal. I wish unconditional love were real. I wish BPD wasn't.  ",1.1084693877551004,3.199527806122454,2.5605714285714285,94.15942857142859,82.16326530612245,4.736326530612245,23.065306122448977,5.6839178017228535,0.17621306122449054,367,13,81,2,10,119,68,98,0.064,0.715,0.221,0.9207,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,0,10,1,0,1,0,12,20,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,7,3,15,1,4,13,0,6,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,0,4,47,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063057824330045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279996100434124,0.0,0.18485078582569486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885178779883025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036331892878373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391358122923729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037078841573116,0.09153367030388944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994887699439714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338568427971706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773699230410346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060505635874324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459772382552928,0.0,0.14396147737293588,0.0,0.0,0.1442566255959947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786001233449922,0.14371675554936267,0.0,0.0,0.1715942659535918,0.0,0.0,0.12290676576999846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335045918803098,0.0,0.6245230335398052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657670072884638
bpd,awnw16,2019/02/07,"Obsessive In the past, as a minor, I received a diagnosis of OCD (among other things). I definitely have small rituals I have to do daily, but they don’t affect my daily life. I try to control them as much as possible to help minimize anxiety. With BPD, it’s very common to have comorbidities right?

I find myself obsessing over my relationship. I am obsessed with him and my fear of abandonment is overwhelming. He’s the best part of my day when everything is good. When it’s not good, I find myself still obsessing about him. I’ve tried to lessen it, but that only ends up with me pushing him away.  When we make up, the obsession returns with a vengeance. 

How do I fix this? I want this to be a healthy relationship. I just feel like until that abandonment issue is resolved, which may or may not ever be achievable, do I have any hope for getting past these feelings? Any hope for a healthy relationship? 

Days like today, it would just be so easy to swallow a handful of pills or overdose and just stop this constant push pull turmoil in my brain and in my heart.",3.898923959827833,5.8386646829268285,4.884648493543762,81.52017216642757,72.90243902439025,8.335724533715926,29.13199426111909,9.007467420416297,2.502454806312769,840,35,160,18,17,274,121,205,0.151,0.644,0.205,0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,2,4,13,18,0,8,9,0,18,6,3,4,1,36,25,16,0,4,9,0,3,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,13,8,1,4,5,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,0,3,26,8,30,19,3,30,1,3,0,0,12,10,0,6,18,118,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815333820232779,0.0,0.10210701292040844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254029320770863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400724103959855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810544898387433,0.14900078832535896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423764912662926,0.1497021007561354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215898520568515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821807850654267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073460050778367,0.0,0.0,0.11995755248748052,0.0,0.0,0.15019501709366787,0.13497662334288585,0.09535363585184864,0.0,0.0,0.24398508207324024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973449779226659,0.0,0.0,0.2239028089612866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816697367167054,0.0894646056372361,0.0,0.0,0.26513899541576263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393118621796736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094276419522498,0.1304170127372581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890947292304834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981185250224802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151276117233504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445390070035174,0.2548314934224873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047153864819074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42990239853021855,0.0,0.11398580800479093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065922668903375,0.11158998730205544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867399348922621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651745814694362,0.0,0.0,0.1812397577257912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012977857419733,0.07872624471261094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481588484683386,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sniperbullet1997,2019/02/07,"has anyone taken olanzapine/zyprexa or valproate/valproic acid for anxiety? how that work out for social situations does it make you calm/relaxed around people and confident?

",7.627738095238098,11.478358678571427,7.014285714285716,61.39738095238097,69.35714285714286,9.447619047619048,37.904761904761905,9.725611199111238,5.170176190476192,145,8,17,4,3,45,27,28,0.06,0.8140000000000001,0.126,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,11,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025995016792675,0.0,0.0,0.2765821756885081,0.0,0.0,0.35212898710306817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346154000740848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640369147651851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742289467078783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446218762002707,0.0,0.4032198540777409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879697115986141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aims-x,2019/02/07,"Those with a diagnosis of BPD in the UK like myself, I’d really appreciate your input! https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/C9SY76B 
I’m doing a research project and would really appreciate anyone who has the time to answer these questions. 
Please note your personal information will not be used in any way :) ",6.758235294117648,10.12128129411765,7.360549019607843,60.45847058823529,69.39215686274511,10.354509803921568,29.807843137254906,10.355215969177356,4.1006360784313705,250,10,36,8,5,82,44,51,0.0,0.7440000000000001,0.256,0.9198,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,22,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655832280271514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226690865987188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010792249909945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557959218596712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780600578555186,0.0,0.3495647354529586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567391913696524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080170915560926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856919586670218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27504033579491666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527724246247109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22621920848533256,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NosebleedNino,2019/02/07,"Loved ones support Hello all, I'm making a list of things my friends and loved ones can do or just be aware of given my diagnosis. I'm having trouble tho. I was only recently diagnosed and my symptoms I lean more towards are mood swings and detachment from reality so it's very hard for me to remember or even think of ways they can help. If anyone with more ""experience"" can chime in and help me out or if a list out there already exists I'd be very grateful.",1.705483870967747,4.094602612903231,3.643451612903228,85.50517741935484,82.01075268817203,6.730752688172044,24.35376344086021,7.908726449838941,1.522110537634409,365,14,73,7,10,123,66,93,0.045,0.738,0.217,0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,9,4,0,1,1,17,17,11,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,8,4,11,13,3,6,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,5,1,51,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338057804963451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814567657689134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504539935493247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993931412008814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072512582766098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369161357619685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897955012461436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28402637946660025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824451114363536,0.0,0.14142606001919808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28713960619151624,0.16113803788699482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091978248003257,0.0,0.24000942761837285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240429587968244,0.0,0.220215906257138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075819786046892,0.13575888320791235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34963281911420696,0.0,0.16817395911581626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Soucci,2019/02/07,"Oh, there goes my only healthy mechanism... So, I love to draw, it's probably the only thing that keeps me sane. However, a few months ago my hand got injured to the point where closing it represents a huge effort. I know I should be patient and rest as much as I need to, but it's driving me insane. I was even considering to ignore the pain and keep drawing, but it will only make it worse.
I am trying so hard not to think just to numb myself from pain, but I can’t, I really can't. ",3.1786421499292783,3.8632896930693086,4.874766619519097,85.81178217821783,72.86138613861384,8.147666195190949,25.319660537482317,8.418075326091056,1.444684865629421,373,11,82,6,7,127,70,101,0.245,0.679,0.076,-0.9672,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,7,6,1,1,0,16,15,9,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,2,13,1,9,10,3,7,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221387034551592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576845421663256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440270407297478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413868885584925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654169975966353,0.0,0.0,0.11296874673620752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855232102890801,0.0,0.13721088798733014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407362946913065,0.0,0.15110804042642842,0.15241790457727475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690060643139446,0.43745426355478784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194317798837438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216252035661421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131685072327979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656293131060504,0.13171262011115395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139559704097826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948013554050196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NikitaSkita,2019/02/07,"Maybe i just venting. Fak Hey guys! 

First time ever Ive reached out in social media about things like this.. 

So im a female 20 ish years old. My x recently broke up with me and now im here again. With another guy, started taking pills again. Im not even sure why. 

I feel so lost because I dont know if I do the right thing in life and gets so anxious so I split on this guy and now he doesnt know if he can be with me. 
If Ive never had feelings for this guy I wouldnt start any nonsens paranoid statements against him. Its so frustrating that I dont let myself embrace the love that get. 

And im totally EXHAUSTED of the constant shifting.  Im fucking my own mind. Constant war in my head. Even my sister says im fucked up and I need to stop behave like this. But how?! Its my reality! How do I bend my feelings to the opposite side of how I feel?  How do I know the difference between intiution and paranoia/distrust? 

I dont know what I want from posting this. Maybe someone can recognize themselves in my -from triggered heart- text? 

I HATE myself! ",0.3019452939177718,2.624615307339454,2.1735677879714568,93.85999830105335,88.58715596330275,5.064492014950732,23.21168875297316,6.605766666666668,0.6709484879374794,819,33,177,10,27,270,127,218,0.18,0.772,0.048,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,19,12,5,0,6,0,15,8,2,5,4,39,35,19,1,6,6,1,4,2,0,1,3,1,0,4,12,10,0,1,9,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,2,5,28,4,21,30,2,28,0,2,0,3,12,11,2,3,18,113,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061109488723403674,0.0942285234223744,0.0,0.10151889250275478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054779262745674025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421858160861574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388704367702988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159540624497881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870648722072293,0.08128565254525996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174844428420348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643688052648627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615261415190252,0.09389875204158962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355911472207024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872047973963047,0.0922247102912718,0.0,0.0,0.1064873334730737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824006385356838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975440196054007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189035508775112,0.06347244491874461,0.08780442341106734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809538511714837,0.0,0.08110429156167794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055764501021215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073537030174288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663180392789328,0.06930739460608798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429543406548836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606330402598503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872824292590313,0.0,0.0,0.07674196746914164,0.0,0.0714621583033879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160336300142076,0.07614008901860048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721008687459082,0.0,0.0,0.07512895969519584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469421416523483,0.0,0.06756531387787583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940112269806526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052399466837978484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053003150273312434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108680590423502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786841587065882
bpd,woman7018,2019/02/07,"Rorschach test Recently I've done that test and I got the results. The professional who took the test didn't explain me a damn thing after I got the report, so I have to bring the report to the psychiatrist (who asked me to do the test) and my psychologist. 

​

There is one thing that catch my attention; the other ones are very clear from before (emotional instability, splitting,...)

​

1. Is it said that I have *""childlike traits""*. 

​

Do anyone knows what does this means?

It is about being inmature, or maybe some kind of regression??

​

​",4.632245989304813,7.755968392156867,4.338128342245991,80.47612299465243,75.86274509803921,7.238502673796793,27.90017825311943,8.296473431620573,2.330203921568629,464,19,77,9,11,141,68,102,0.0,0.9420000000000001,0.057999999999999996,0.6899,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,9,0,11,0,0,1,1,10,20,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,6,1,8,1,7,13,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,55,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907241445400829,0.5503311287276033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333656928025799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468131225698126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707803682083121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926832882482142,0.0926961456924064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189179986953154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448923223741115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432651202927594,0.049781127879248266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910011169539202,0.09866961887131613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276050156087913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943813164110856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616358396858685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035641615132345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063918613751416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473908041786595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503311287276033,0.0
bpd,pneumokoook,2019/02/07,Idk So uhh. My boyfriend just broke up with me. He told me that he's tired of me (I'm bpd) and it's not worth it. He also told me that he started to hate me. I don't know what to do.,-3.549999999999997,-2.1062216666666664,-0.3405555555555537,110.8625,99.0,3.0,11.944444444444445,3.1291,-2.1692222222222224,135,2,43,0,6,47,31,45,0.263,0.737,0.0,-0.8877,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,5,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26691079864248146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203638353232703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295226634980473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342786155326876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362397429192921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38361240148834574,0.0,0.6378512480643601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weweboom,2019/02/07,"Forgiving yourself for losing someone before you were diagnosed? Hello
A relationship that I was in ended a few months ago due mostly to the fact that I was undiagnosed and didn't realize that the way I was acting was entirely out of the realm of what is ok. I spend a lot of time thinking over every second of every fight and every time I acted out and how differently it could have gone if I had known at the time what I now know about myself, namely that I have bpd. I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to forgive yourself for ruining something good/driving someone you cared about crazy with your illness so that you can move on with your life? 
Thanks.",6.04223076923077,6.531059030769232,6.6321153846153855,76.45663461538463,66.38461538461539,9.26923076923077,30.09615384615385,9.188382445141503,2.5375384615384617,534,18,97,9,8,175,85,130,0.09300000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.10099999999999999,0.2406,1,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,0,5,0,1,6,8,1,0,7,1,14,3,0,2,1,23,20,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,7,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,9,0,15,5,19,10,3,20,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,5,8,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284828470224411,0.15679634671770465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028668948382655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368089543133255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505146350745127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222778287024583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034428286382784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412268983222528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953279613125955,0.0,0.1848053699229892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666607587212472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470953527714405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483612950737032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721041953572036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493788497033052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788713463212373,0.0,0.1503798311210137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118653889899718,0.18799892339046134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990643573468932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29974524206888803,0.13617338331810164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285035040270002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333965746342554,0.0,0.0,0.30942617235042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404017068353715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182236145516468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drinkmrewater,2019/02/07,"feeling very stuck a little background: i’m almost 23, my boyfriend broke up with me last week through text. we’ve lived together our whole relationship, he got into a car accident late summer in the middle of us moving & i moved the whole house myself, helped him go to the bathroom when he couldn’t alone, showered him, worked 80 hours, did all the cooking/cleaning/shopping, everything i could. i have BDP so it’s hard for me to connect with people, he was my best friend. 
the breakup was pretty unexpected & is killing me. i found out a day after that i’m pregnant & he of course wants me to abort it. 
so i’m currently homeless & pregnant & struggling to find a place to live/new job/think about what i want to do about my pregnancy. 
my friends are saying “i’m here if you need anything!” but aren’t willing to actually hang out/help me pack or even text me back most of the time. my ex isn’t offering any kind of support at all, except that he isn’t throwing my stuff out on the lawn. 
i have no one & nothing-easiest option would be just to end it. ",3.0022949117341677,4.790335252336451,3.769096573208724,89.21544132917967,74.98130841121495,6.6247144340602295,26.84215991692627,7.3871296695380915,1.2976820353063347,840,32,174,10,18,267,142,214,0.079,0.85,0.071,-0.1943,4,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,0,2,9,8,1,1,11,0,16,0,0,0,2,24,29,6,1,7,5,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,6,3,24,5,27,18,6,28,0,1,0,0,17,10,0,5,12,103,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0992982785221056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189301288636056,0.10538757386810524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6615095119346445,0.0,0.06919694288638017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373575972396781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824337459942306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678567736798668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124315050286197,0.0,0.0,0.0656236078118535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012479727288818,0.0,0.0,0.06720826984524697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145090358314097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145042521852241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300229853694834,0.0,0.0,0.11156919174090016,0.15723144286947288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782975620539069,0.0,0.08138283198683696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115256383362276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640856877416685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020825557778616,0.11741169898937545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097621460197816,0.0,0.1125769183775404,0.10596225603399564,0.0,0.08294397025794749,0.11478416097929532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198532093476648,0.17970319756713626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629909045422466,0.0,0.07545010156579994,0.0,0.09827568914137123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895187480916465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054415945215176,0.0,0.10631239983852812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035214967089462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924687381188776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091972277888118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637650171503872,0.11648522048963612,0.0,0.11547045752335652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520054577870038,0.0,0.0,0.05933420471697925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223988309745574,0.0,0.0,0.08395859663002629,0.12003556367035975,0.0,0.08162178640865281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22721182310189975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407890923361511,0.0,0.0,0.0722838884544844,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goodluckcat87,2019/02/07,Does anyone have information on borderline psychosis of childhood? I got diagnosed with this in the psych ward. Someone on r/schizophrenia told me it means I’ve basically had BPD since I was a kid. I *was* diagnosed at 15 before they changed it. But I really can’t find much info on this.,2.764060606060603,5.453054163636367,4.290454545454549,80.62901515151516,80.0909090909091,8.03030303030303,27.34848484848485,8.841846274778883,2.6296666666666666,229,10,42,6,6,76,45,55,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,6,0,7,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217032597478444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169390058081254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32813146303508395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756087553423311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5288698449398621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227993676727217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812191223827345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837157662692346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837961834348693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191521306186567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690373977688144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551511036418766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074827428540267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24894989249629015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,acek478,2019/02/07,"Have you disclosed your condition/diagnosis to your employer? Wondering who has done this and for what reason. I learned the condition is protected by the ADA but I find myself feeling silly thinking about disclosing it. Personally, I don't feel disabled and it feels weird to bring it up when most of the time im pretty contained. But then sometimes I feel like I'm going to have a melt down or panic attack at work that will affect my mood the rest of the day and I hate that my employer just thinks I can slap on a smile and deal with it later when it takes every fiber in my being to not wanna die right then and there. 

So, is it worth it?",5.253430232558138,5.610248480620157,5.9747189922480635,80.94719476744189,68.06976744186046,9.240697674418604,28.5281007751938,9.188382445141503,2.1942007751938,510,16,102,9,8,167,91,129,0.109,0.7190000000000001,0.172,0.7331,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,3,0,1,6,7,2,1,7,0,10,0,0,2,0,25,22,13,1,1,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,2,10,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,4,13,2,16,19,2,15,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,8,76,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325160145407052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181060660378158,0.21071066555445145,0.0,0.0,0.212118058190492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915553058316053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220211927817172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133702479461039,0.1460117875171259,0.0,0.0,0.1868030392484285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615599171316048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017866334554142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207695158947313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985157347328176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398002865899979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846000177039673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793174488149455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014052884716272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454260060122054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021407488473482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367113958114542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619217009411599,0.0,0.0,0.11917780470895292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164545188915816,0.1487937997957125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Smiles_lv7,2019/02/07,"Alcohol.. So. Here I go.
Basically, a few days ago I finally told my mom what I have and my brother as well, and it helped so much for me and for them, to understand more why this an issue for me and why it is so hard for me to come out and talk about it, rather than just me thinking in my mind, that they don't care or that they won't understand. They kinda still don't, and that's fine. I can finally say that's fine. But it was emotionally so hard that I couldn't sleep for like 40 hours and basically didn't eat anything as well during that period, only like made a bread or something from time to time.

But like the title says: alcohol.
The way I see it, this sub reddit is for venting and just for people like us to find answers, because there are so few. And for me alcohol, has always been like the climax of everything. When everything is so much and too much I just decide to drink as much as I can, to just fall asleep and wake up, so it's finally a ""new day"". Mostly alone, but after the first like 3 drinks ""me"" comes out and wants again to be social and loves everyone. But that me also gets talkative and free and tells like the most personal things ever and not feel bad about it, I only feel bad about it when the person who is listening gets aggressive about it or even if he/she just makes that not understanding, judgful frown. And then I crawl back up inside and feel bad about myself, and start like mending the story to not make them feel that way. And I hate that. I hate lying, just so I don't hurt people. And then people even more think that I'm a bad person, because I lie. 
Basically I want to not want alcohol, just so I can get back that inside me, or to use it just to vent. What do you guys use? Like non bad things, weed also helps for me, but nowadays, I can use it and still have complete control about my head, be in people, drive, do normal things and no one would notice that I did smoke before.

Uh, I could write a 900 page book right now, just about how unfair life is and how to get with it. But what I would want from you guys, answers. 😀 I might have some for you on other things that I've learnt, so be sure to ask in the comments! We all cope with the world differently, and I think here is a safe place for us, to talk how to do it better and learn. Basically it's all we do, learn. At least that's what my psych told me and actually that's how I think as well. Maybe it's different for you guys, so be sure to comment.

P. S. If your having a bad day, remember, there are people who love you, and not always the world wants to hurt you. I definitely love you and it gets better, we just have to learn. ",4.136617112299469,4.189756674545457,5.050459893048132,87.66533689839575,70.43636363636364,8.506951871657753,23.994652406417107,8.313332769828598,1.0403967914438508,2041,43,469,28,34,668,225,550,0.081,0.7659999999999999,0.153,0.9945,2,1,8,0,0,0,76.0,5,8,5,4,54,35,3,0,18,0,39,16,4,11,5,119,82,67,0,13,28,2,6,9,0,4,5,3,0,6,45,38,8,2,19,3,1,5,12,11,4,2,7,10,58,25,58,65,15,46,0,2,1,3,46,13,0,11,35,330,103,5,0.0,0.0,0.05739011355548749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213155021737725,0.2514001810279116,0.0,0.06090946310092823,0.0,0.09406073214695394,0.09786932543907476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839565026440728,0.0,0.05497944667935367,0.0,0.0,0.09044257805991653,0.294623550974687,0.07170010651640163,0.0,0.050043010702054684,0.0,0.0,0.10402539877829416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996075313833154,0.0,0.0,0.10131928053499382,0.061661205846519476,0.0,0.06596045824116464,0.04695502985912127,0.0,0.0,0.11378282766718766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288794508620328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152228958836781,0.0,0.06017735072953188,0.0,0.06615337704014441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768695078491034,0.05319704623270609,0.0,0.05619551147698767,0.1057093399704812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894448885583785,0.0,0.0,0.19327056577318635,0.05375130922102146,0.05002378820773135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536290875800176,0.0,0.033423099825186715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469355091175576,0.0,0.0,0.1053644850070761,0.11612547392343488,0.060356065597566524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883825750461718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791604096667385,0.0,0.1259147238531769,0.0,0.0,0.061382400256160985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153926899910513,0.2585845252414305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923506594752862,0.05564747984279533,0.07851231395193789,0.0,0.059082587692389124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238815655502879,0.05938137343728556,0.06887760562606722,0.0,0.0,0.17292857855008362,0.0,0.0,0.056799101087251024,0.0,0.0,0.057621350603753424,0.0,0.0669556179570083,0.0,0.0,0.039851203707230234,0.08945536783295545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385737708101992,0.15405197009649824,0.06144397254310165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666203086264322,0.05022345104717765,0.0,0.09353620522484124,0.0,0.0,0.04686398605731005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885250982146481,0.05994942753205593,0.0,0.04527484038578178,0.0,0.0,0.04162604753013565,0.0,0.09393154449454884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108555294941392,0.0,0.0,0.09453856158353732,0.05140256529542274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562831039799873,0.15073239060378546,0.0,0.0,0.06858521209255246,0.0,0.0,0.11239102295397534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366997055199255,0.14148246904653014,0.15237897133440598,0.0,0.0,0.1734384203902716,0.09336134143063148,0.0,0.0,0.15863186066274151,0.0,0.1061338238048406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835539271853851,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tr2041,2019/02/07,Is it love or am I afraid of being alone so much So I recently found out about bpd a month ago. I look everywhere for people fist hand accounts and eventually found this forum. 3 months ago my grandfather who was the most important person in my life passed away. I also have found a SO at the same time. It feels like I have bpd but haven't been diagnosed. It was like for 18 years I was semi ok just for it to finnaly all snap now. But my main concern is that I really do think I love my gf. However sometimes in my head I get this strong hate and disgust for her. It's like one moment she's a queen and the next a pesant. I'm wondering if I should tell her because I appear sad she say this is usally when I'm thinking of her as a pesant. Should I just leave her as I feel she would be more happy. She says she wouldn't but i really want her to go sometimes. But it's like 2 people live in my head one hates her the other loves her.,0.41481876332622747,2.4041643980099536,2.46723525230988,94.42149253731344,84.12437810945273,6.017626154939588,17.531627576403693,7.2636822038024595,0.051064250177683235,728,16,170,11,21,244,115,201,0.10400000000000001,0.703,0.193,0.9654,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,15,3,1,9,1,18,8,3,0,1,29,38,16,0,6,8,0,3,4,1,4,2,2,0,1,12,4,0,0,8,0,1,3,2,5,0,2,7,6,32,10,17,25,6,20,0,1,1,3,21,6,0,5,15,113,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760827155911613,0.0,0.0,0.12128268105637832,0.0,0.09364667816891817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002147874140612,0.0,0.0,0.07138448368792606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29497253015303804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885638368887247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842089694184715,0.08365791649385887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851899289729648,0.0,0.0,0.06118112582629458,0.0,0.06655194364948913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465759072310273,0.0,0.2312285825445422,0.2403615162904286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399444224828572,0.0,0.0,0.08271282747945934,0.2288411021453577,0.0,0.1034034886438466,0.0,0.0983364507581516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31706823099563936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869398995692609,0.0,0.08608367472829946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453963939724587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870311714709928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236799989215733,0.1022492237063439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003748180261234,0.0,0.11562440771079308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624892041341087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316343656171469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235258389774596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006886880756096,0.0,0.0,0.06828330098413178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906997879216181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699246424342248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831861240103304,0.0,0.0,0.0754100508424858
bpd,distantStorm_,2019/02/07,"BPD overseas. Lovers going different paths. My partner and I moved overseas to work with wildlife in a third world country. As adventurers, this was absolutely perfect. Like a Tarzan and Jane adventure. Being a male, my partner was able to do far more exciting work the first 6 months. During which I (as usual) started having these episodes of being convinced he didn't really want to be with me. I soon after learnt about BPD and that knowledge has changed my life. Recently, I've been given a far better paying job contracted for 10 months. My partner then casually mentions he wants to go home and finish Uni, initiating a long distance relationship. I feel like he's jealous of my job. I feel like he's looking for an excuse to leave. The BPD elements of my personality are hurting me terribly and I'm struggling not to feel abandoned in another country. 
I won't be one of those women who give up their opportunities for men. How do I graciously accept being left in a third world country for 10 months without going on a full rampage, hurting this person and blaming them for abandoning me?",5.798828382838284,7.588205054455448,6.4273465346534655,72.96732343234325,67.76237623762378,8.95102310231023,34.753795379537955,9.3871,3.530735577557756,879,43,144,18,15,287,127,202,0.105,0.7040000000000001,0.191,0.9532,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,6,3,20,1,1,10,0,15,2,0,1,1,21,28,10,0,2,2,0,3,3,4,1,1,0,1,8,7,8,0,2,5,1,1,4,4,7,0,4,5,4,18,13,27,17,2,27,0,4,1,1,20,11,0,0,15,93,25,5,0.12462460800697407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067976771505854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022033827082164,0.0,0.0,0.4708809932806815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131836310638066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302061903715933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904183907645772,0.17806368972271278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600562790622163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955127991761605,0.21248111011674573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500864310043164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668264408378331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473413871088861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195946550653298,0.135405001246259,0.0,0.08802604622284536,0.18265586532031533,0.0,0.0,0.11028885637846457,0.10465328321628538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29842251936915765,0.132456235545718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444885969573143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763480143294256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983771508473649,0.0,0.12305176558215175,0.13380018954192605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820993898667344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130284699192284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725639888768187,0.0,0.14701364542953546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013367487921532,0.0,0.1814563978019897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lazy_Anxiety,2019/02/07,"I feel so useless and dull I feel (as the title says) so useless and dull. I don’t have any friends, or any real interests that I’m able to stick with. I don’t know what the actual point of me is, and last night I felt so tense and upset that I just screamed for no reason. 

The person I’m dating doesn’t want to spend time with me this weekend, citing that we ‘hang out a lot’ and that I ‘need to relax’ and that’s just made me feel like shit. Shit because I realise I’ve been relying on that person for company, and I don’t actually have anything else to do. 

I just want to disappear and to never speak to anyone ever again, I’m fed up of people’s changing moods and changing plans and never being enough for people. ",5.4750496688741705,4.4377279205298015,6.462640728476825,82.34707367549669,67.80794701986757,9.139403973509934,28.808774834437088,8.07648339933343,1.7178536423841062,560,15,121,6,8,188,85,151,0.203,0.731,0.065,-0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,8,13,2,1,4,0,10,3,2,2,3,33,23,15,0,3,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,8,14,1,0,6,2,1,2,7,8,0,0,4,7,14,4,18,18,2,15,0,4,0,0,6,4,2,2,10,78,22,0,0.1561411862667988,0.0,0.30474254831898684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123627219416948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917754790115598,0.0,0.12849089220629134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518221789814606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303533429756322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043592552649935,0.0,0.0,0.16133558458364025,0.0,0.0,0.14123864222993615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368490258826217,0.11154729466748528,0.1499200250239347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206342931847695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581111252743973,0.1272759066939622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628269661399634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327456529023719,0.0,0.1477445657815867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115776711159044,0.2408514172955136,0.0,0.0,0.14652792601735365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649727709714384,0.27267292240371344,0.0,0.0,0.14760389031366866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772285362761145,0.0,0.16053914476011924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416973836768234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205533677874607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910471813663285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841922342775965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thereth51,2019/02/07,"Bpd & insurance coverage ? If a psychiatrist was to diagnose me with BPD, but my therapist is treating me for anxiety/depression, would the BPD diagnosis affect insurance coverage?

Therapist doesn't really care about diagnosing me but psychiatrist does, I know I meet the criteria technically and worried what will happen if they diagnose me
",9.372321428571428,11.800065875,10.730714285714287,43.06428571428572,59.89285714285714,17.742857142857144,46.14285714285714,14.90622815163357,9.465085714285717,283,18,35,17,4,99,41,56,0.124,0.8759999999999999,0.0,-0.7862,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,9,8,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136120124090285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6324453314002221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065980900458072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416815607793035,0.5096756971379065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647943754125015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801769556428734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199022762339358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723089463265922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886929658535405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998723983595865,0.0,0.11890525476009092,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hippiegirl92,2019/02/07,Does anyone else experience grieve in a weird way? As young as I can remember I can't grieve like others. Other people around me are sad after their break up or whatever saddening life event. I'm never immediately sad. I broke up with my fp 6 months ago and the first 5 months I just was extremely happy and partying all the time. Which is kind of my coopingmechanism I guess? All this time I was feeling pretty okay but a month ago I had a mental breakdown and could finally cry about the break up. Since then I've been pretty sad but it feels actually kind of relieving to cry and be sad about it. Does anyone experience numbness or maybe dissociation after a sad life event? I've experienced this before but never for so long. ,3.919680851063831,5.99285396453901,5.395336879432627,77.30875,73.18439716312056,8.67163120567376,23.80673758865248,9.2995712137729,2.023571631205673,583,17,110,14,12,196,91,141,0.23199999999999998,0.653,0.114,-0.9620000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,5,16,0,0,7,1,10,3,0,0,4,21,14,13,2,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,4,3,11,6,16,8,2,26,0,8,0,0,1,5,0,3,19,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.1340006094287403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344470037820934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202908206144825,0.14069647082895076,0.0,0.12224035405083998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684580350657127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963565372254476,0.0,0.30167035965137723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403323166024425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147098992796846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26864279675607816,0.0,0.0,0.13886219252260282,0.0,0.0,0.15042296773063904,0.0,0.1168009207594483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126905683588976,0.0,0.0,0.14617543701679472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28598696969028875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398070560437966,0.06708566225181982,0.0,0.0,0.12152034027766145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795238006895572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383822324810381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288129670672528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118131312965977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519762576873038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793994791135473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555226158668387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358921545580122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014012952449844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899505048629674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paganvegan,2019/02/07,"Off the Rails On phone so please forgive any format issues.

I've been having some pretty intense mood swings and just getting out of bed is hard these days. I just feel so out of control and dont want anyone else to be hurt by this. I have a dog and a fiancee but would never deliberately hurt either of them. 
I was doing ok for a while but now i'm in a tailspin. I just have zero mental health support ( manitoba, canada) and cant get the help i need. It feels a little like i'm screaming for help but no one can hear me. I don't even know how to stabilize myself. Anyone with advice? I'd really appreciate it.",1.182016959418533,3.3010396062992164,3.4577952755905517,87.67198667474258,82.07086614173228,5.482495457298608,19.218049666868566,6.67199483983844,0.1966831011508181,478,12,99,5,13,164,92,127,0.155,0.695,0.15,-0.1543,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,8,8,0,0,7,1,13,1,0,2,1,25,24,11,0,3,7,0,3,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,5,9,4,14,20,2,10,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,69,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738547301443833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234441599937521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538549245857962,0.18599522326697315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359726537537345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706949475203116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127475598880296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164199358912986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989645885516285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357037919581148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968007771592493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261197683536938,0.0,0.0,0.19295404836461935,0.2045934178735156,0.0,0.2433466058742796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886554783059899,0.0,0.0,0.18946637375741704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976214852800258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868461770949049,0.18193711671853965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293589082119846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459950715635846,0.14000433136053092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300696982795492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992614487079304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467758356774336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629044425164023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059939794807117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070689593252293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895112875141476,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rkos345,2019/02/07,"Might possibly have BPD... So I just met with my new psychiatrist who I am loving so far! She's super thorough and helpful with making sure I'll have the best med combo. Anyways sheasked if I had any previous diagnosis from other doctors and so the ones that I replied with were OCD ADHD and bipolar. She asks various questions that she then tallied up that indicate how severe my symptoms are for these certain disorders. OCD and ADHD were almost perfect scores so she wasn't doubtful on those but with bipolar she asked me if I've ever been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I never have and didn't know what it was but with my answers and replies she is feeling that I might have been misdiagnosed. She seemed more concerned when saying and recommended me to study up on it. 

How much different is BPD to bipolar? Is it something to be concerned over?",4.798260869565219,7.190958608695652,5.385683229813665,76.93268633540374,71.6086956521739,8.078260869565218,33.23913043478261,8.841846274778883,3.1736385093167705,700,35,117,14,14,225,102,161,0.033,0.8390000000000001,0.129,0.8965,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,10,7,0,1,2,0,20,7,0,3,5,35,28,19,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,12,13,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,2,18,6,16,16,4,11,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,8,5,96,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523197569448501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677803273126674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967897562522926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740637868032956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382597102540818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692230875659695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877494165223726,0.0,0.15314420941347784,0.3359852386340823,0.15003016258643842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258940220255425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411491703738561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824903987621726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805561702712107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132293574542407,0.0,0.09784284569945342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281659953532018,0.0,0.0,0.31099502577513105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775267837895648,0.0,0.11305102107559575,0.1415672371330074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993259522996844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798742329834195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652461785929869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420240377228182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165657720995072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344032333093694,0.0,0.16559292873623538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284393489268928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814929049048302,0.15235205543842192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,umuhokiguess,2019/02/07,"fuck v2 dunno y I complain about things then get mad at the people who call out my shit it's just a cycle of me saying i want to kill myself, others comforting me/asking me why and me getting irrationally mad i don't know what to do or how to like stop this i guess?  
also can i just say that having online friends to pour your emotional baggage onto (if they want it ofc) is such a lifesaver cause i don't have to show them im mad if i dont want to yk i can just delete the message im typing out i know it's bad to lie about feelings but i really would not like to push away the good friends i still have?? 
actually another thing about online friends is that i feel like absolute shit when they don't reply, i am not fond of double or triple texting tho cause when i do it i feel so annoying and desperate and i feel like they're gonna think im desperate too. also it's especially stupid in my case cause the app me and one of my good online friends chat on doesn't have read receipts but like even if they're gone for like 10min without telling me i just feel like they're ignoring me?? god idk what to do about that i hate it if im actually being ignored it makes me feel like they might leave soon too so im like fuck
another thing, there's this one guy i know very well but i feel like he doesn't know how much he means to me or how much i am dependant on him bc he seems like the only dude in the world that can make me feel happier and better and he can handle my bpd and all the emotional baggage and shit that i go through and honestly i love him a lot like not in a romantic way or anything but idk i can't tell him because im afraid he'll think im too attached and weirded out because we've only known each other for like not even a year so like shit man

dunno if i shouldve posted it on r/trueoffmychest or something cause this is just a rant but i sure reckon i wouldn't be feelin this way if i didn't have bpd",0.9891153846153812,2.7172668309523864,2.8823809523809523,93.57851648351652,80.69047619047619,6.2124542124542135,20.76923076923077,7.2200825789825185,0.3723296703296711,1519,42,356,20,39,508,189,420,0.17,0.612,0.218,0.9714,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,4,1,31,46,13,1,13,0,30,7,4,10,2,83,62,38,1,11,26,0,8,14,4,5,0,2,0,2,25,14,0,3,18,3,0,3,14,19,1,2,2,10,50,27,33,53,7,26,0,0,0,3,29,13,6,18,21,217,75,2,0.0,0.0,0.11978034912311605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815825964906776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870769078301572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050388930757437,0.0,0.05737449283387105,0.0,0.057660971475108576,0.0,0.051243018482501096,0.07482354763417268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054278506398529484,0.0,0.0,0.15459165648074402,0.0,0.06266762731988948,0.0,0.0,0.2521836117352593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192747357602647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807037670138864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107119424262875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482520336477111,0.21922068271583764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966327916595369,0.11347476596441568,0.06412862636352372,0.0,0.034879096048197535,0.10295176729023578,0.0,0.0,0.06760812699498514,0.060767883820081685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605920991739628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640456962302166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789897462051385,0.0,0.13491368466763368,0.0,0.0,0.06498403838358577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419765317184332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217624101698642,0.05539058503922887,0.0,0.08193251235279712,0.0,0.0,0.0668520502336264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510594517367385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023089618069176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317444934855048,0.09335227381636388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04254758578666811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877736761664535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138856260242492,0.0,0.03931644555856016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976108829846673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055870722389129705,0.0,0.0,0.2519897173399099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472471289210732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901172212506785,0.05130970199944187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578423407900987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728358658772487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231839856878016,0.07864934067967604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050638289836981626,0.10859630653434438,0.09742840167367296,0.0,0.0,0.05518075755290043,0.0,0.055378643121274725,0.0,0.0,0.059160374055362085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359687561515504,0.0,0.0,0.039521526526516575
bpd,finding_bliss,2019/02/07,"Has anyone else thought they were totally happy and fine and weeks later realized it was all a lie?! Since mid December I’ve been nonstop going out with friends (maybe 5x a week) barely been sleeping, have been around friends 24/7. Started hooking up with a great friend since the new year. (Craziest best sex ever!) but we’ve spent maybe 7? Nights out of the past 5 weeks apart. Tonight is one of the only nights I can remember that I’m alone, no one is texting me, i napped so not tired, and it’s just me... 

I feel straight up crazy. I stared at my wall and reddit for the past 4 hours. There are so many other things to do. I’ve realized my “happiness” since December have all been bc I’ve been keeping myself fucked up and around fun friends and I’ve actually done nothing for myself. 

No self care. Minimal showers, even less washing my hair, little sleep, eating crap, drinking 24/7, no morning routine, not putting any effort into work, and not doing anything for my own self development (gym, reading, paying bills, cleaning, etc etc) 

I think the point of my post is I’m upset because I felt so manically happy for the past few weeks that I thought I truly was, and it was kind of a slap in the face to realize that when I’m alone and my external environment is stripped from me, that I’m the same pathetic person I always was. Who can do nothing for herself :( I thought I changed. 

Not sure what I’m looking for out of posting this. I’m 5 beers deep, I’m alone for once, and just venting. Thanks for the platform to share. ",2.931284528675836,5.0271738762541816,3.6860795243403928,88.35936330979807,76.123745819398,6.570097857054378,27.46203394029481,7.526774132740827,1.5237423758206368,1195,49,239,16,27,379,171,299,0.107,0.706,0.187,0.9769,1,3,2,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,3,11,19,2,1,13,0,24,12,5,0,5,42,45,15,0,0,7,0,3,0,4,0,2,0,2,3,12,18,3,1,10,5,3,2,7,3,0,2,16,5,24,16,30,29,10,40,0,0,2,2,11,19,2,0,17,142,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.08623854785387823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745809333503841,0.0,0.0,0.07353277404778204,0.0,0.0,0.060096146270256966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179191741474525,0.09054779216438308,0.0727228148313635,0.15734003998085366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387089068019133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274120241427768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010137737182004,0.0,0.09348610075634027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904354726563276,0.0,0.08657114095897171,0.0,0.09042685262490008,0.07382365782153613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711679140816524,0.058369023929608285,0.07993774071885486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468365437294231,0.0,0.08485119865013405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27310466025883384,0.08169870188616225,0.0,0.0,0.05022397439434425,0.0,0.0,0.0974306946766319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822216437815103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870288445340444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854929777343915,0.0,0.09202607762891213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857218987807572,0.0,0.0,0.0742104154150577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959556984103269,0.17756356453676567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853504496455523,0.0,0.16586270121427318,0.0,0.16959107466313095,0.0,0.0,0.0941135399426254,0.11976661919714968,0.06721106251331826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25308387689855416,0.0,0.0771632218634446,0.0,0.0,0.08354032102474758,0.0,0.16927233447025694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883849892154523,0.0,0.0,0.08839614398232433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010850854940267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843830166495508,0.0,0.0,0.21930726362805505,0.0,0.17687210113819127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625503186785761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832897801805554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136127546580414,0.0,0.0,0.058710582303953575,0.056625356158452364,0.0,0.2104730361378992,0.0,0.10157087738766916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835474869407584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433603536725996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05690881820877184
bpd,JuliustheWise,2019/02/07,"Lonely, anyone in the GTA Hello I’m new to using this subreddit, I’m a man with BPD and a miariad of other issues, I’m very lonely, but also overcome a lot of BPD challenges, it’s nice to talk like this on the internet but it’s not enough. I see many posts complaining about loneliness and being misunderstood, I’m wondering if there are members on here from the General Toronto Area, I’m not used to reddit but Mabey we could form a chat group and at least a post,’and then possibly after a while of getting to know and comfortable with each other, we could see about meeting up in real life for support and friendships, Mabey other people can do the same thing in there own geographic vicinity, there would be no pressure to meet up or give out information wanted private, but it would allow us to support each other online and for people who are comfortable doing something IRL, it could be a good place to start, and also give recommendations on any specific programs in the area

I’m new and I know from my life experiences I get along well as friends or relationships best with people who are smart and also have these issues themselves, id like to be able to actually do something about loneliness than just giving encouraging advice on a thread. 

Polite constructive criticism is appreciated,
and I would like to know what people think of this idea ",9.421167979002623,8.103250263779529,9.250039370078742,66.44453412073494,60.14173228346456,12.246194225721785,37.30839895013124,11.20814326018867,4.191428871391077,1093,41,186,24,12,357,144,254,0.086,0.684,0.23,0.9932,0,4,2,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,0,2,12,19,0,1,13,0,19,2,0,3,0,50,43,23,0,8,10,0,0,3,1,3,2,0,0,1,16,19,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,8,15,40,33,9,22,0,2,2,0,20,15,0,5,9,136,24,2,0.10331356945926734,0.0,0.10081914063068192,0.0,0.0,0.10095682436927712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24785947251123455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025677000555612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223924992605874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842121720679136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602396481419897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474624355346985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675053470935277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106049525085864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981980748384014,0.0,0.10795415186427802,0.29732336957934713,0.0,0.08665452038333066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662844454861747,0.0,0.21566504961490784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033530767466246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594685890863046,0.15142137440349626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783350222606301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474374372576983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995617783427206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864984826860389,0.0,0.10794069091257967,0.0,0.0,0.11647052641626532,0.1978916820672462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759346026346723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092010957522408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465507761221315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907166642814075,0.0,0.0,0.07312587621529316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344780286023755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303953368290272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863694485951774,0.0661991636904021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427350339520568,0.17845950563440655,0.0,0.08524451467618277,0.06093702002936069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289130640477976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203915901676068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220172986598237,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,erinc2005,2019/02/07,"BPD affect your ability to apologize? My bf of a year brought up that he rarely hears me apologize, he blamed that on bpd...as he does a lot of other things 🙄. I do things to correct mistakes instead of just apologizing. I grew up that way. 
Today's instance was when i got home from work I immediately laid down. I've been exhausted from either my growing depression  (almost 2 years since mom died suddenly), or thyroid not being treated correctly. He came downstairs saying that it must be nice to just go to sleep to avoid feeling guilty for not taking responsibility, and left to clean out the car.  You can imagine the NEW guilt that left me and the SI that I completed. 
I cleaned up the house, his messes,  left him notes. Started writing in my journal and he got home and the beginning happened, that he rarely hears me apologize. 

I always attributed it to the way I was raised. My parents rarely apologized. My brother didn't. We weren't affectionate.  ",4.481806331471134,6.6188488379888275,5.14891620111732,79.40199627560523,71.79329608938548,8.348752327746741,30.927746741154564,9.029198982220553,2.8107002607076352,758,34,137,16,15,244,117,179,0.138,0.77,0.092,-0.8891,1,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,2,0,1,4,9,0,2,8,0,10,3,1,2,3,25,22,6,1,2,6,3,1,0,1,1,2,3,4,0,12,7,0,1,2,0,0,6,4,6,0,0,9,4,21,3,20,10,2,26,0,1,0,0,24,10,0,3,8,84,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750684331599938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426182143621715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459012244941206,0.0,0.0,0.15705829609219302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397813942965798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827411614378333,0.0,0.14251720459189315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017026838482255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943347103648102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804251734518645,0.0,0.2196558136740362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143223991185978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30954081407703565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754877134848361,0.0,0.0,0.15844964869576933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475980211757191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674514697708804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082834207126795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262518602336204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247838454483292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920293085983704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359310058601033,0.0,0.1374198695684196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719629697345164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324807527649316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245954021186608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301639654081332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179975569614669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997110377300858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686005481287742
bpd,barqueen,2019/02/07,"Dealing with “object permanence/constancy” wrt emotional states and self perception (I put “object permanence/constancy” in quotations marks because I’m not sure it’s the appropriate term but it’s what I like to call it bc I feel it relates to those concepts.) 
Anyway, what I mean by it is this pattern I’ve noticed in myself and other bpd people I know that essentially boils down to thinking that what you’re feeling right now is how you always feel.

For example, when I’m having a meltdown and I feel like everything is shit and I hate everything about my life, I get convinced I feel like this constantly which makes me feel hopeless which in turn makes me extremely suicidal. It’s true that those feelings are always under the surface somewhere, but what I mean is like... I could be doing really well for a few weeks, like, I get stuff done and I feel pretty good for the most part, and I’m like, mental illness who? But then as soon as anything makes me feel upset in the slightest I’m immediately convinced that this is how I always feel, and I start to feel hopeless and it just spirals into a huge meltdown almost every time. 

This also applies to my perception of myself; it varies wildly and I’m aware of that but I still feel as though my current perception of myself (which I think is like, entirely dictated by my current mood anyway) is the “true” one. 

I also feel like I don’t remember shit because I dissociate so much so that doesn’t help either. I tend to only remember negative things bc I fixate on them, positive experiences just disappear into the void within like 2 seconds. 

Do you guys know what I’m talking about? How the hell do you deal with this?",5.477539772727276,6.676699356250005,6.233977272727272,76.27511363636367,67.9375,9.318181818181818,31.42045454545455,9.573946990214177,3.0271875,1334,54,236,28,22,438,160,320,0.141,0.674,0.185,0.9031,2,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,3,1,0,19,24,4,1,10,0,17,5,2,6,3,57,51,26,1,1,8,0,13,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,33,13,1,0,24,0,0,2,4,7,1,2,1,13,36,16,31,48,6,28,1,2,0,0,12,13,3,2,21,167,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462508000979482,0.0,0.0,0.13516606741612894,0.21095857227011985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954495863445298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103033659317029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064380437089674,0.0,0.08629469154620932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913258510953536,0.0,0.06747477493103764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425327415268158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648360517336683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506296215984032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120375948055115,0.0,0.15190521535215662,0.08266750656603884,0.0,0.0,0.5555037676788265,0.1811230008656341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830651913904544,0.0,0.0,0.0708834160666264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367870325458304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343664395755626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664562132150229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288954522186728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596922807827792,0.3715881492070948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692342885027328,0.0,0.0,0.18411346658122227,0.0,0.0,0.08516672883387487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212495738912047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621578914064023,0.0,0.0,0.05726651668509055,0.06427405997836172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151665956150476,0.0,0.058588954912149674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597758269743899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495641631821474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413960424655285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146789359485686,0.07217152381407765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816290524179812,0.0,0.17349767224841495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598169822656171,0.0,0.06749021183364487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674432843484584,0.0924407941782213,0.0,0.07965016660536768,0.0,0.0,0.06792635617836874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056145035463783965,0.10830185990002064,0.08303115853282525,0.0,0.04927876484614234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192317985323932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778924294915255,0.0,0.07598510835597566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,YogiiBoii,2019/02/07,"The other night with my roomates... The other night I was watching Youtube videos with my room-mates till maybe 2am. We were all obsessing over Larabars which we thought were produced by some massive company, turns out some chick named Lara made them. We decided to check out how they are made. We watched a video with a bob headed blonde lady in her late thirties-early forties explain the process in an over-saturated, violently bright room. We started picking on her naturally... Then all of the sudden I felt as if I was connected to her, I could see myself in her. All of the sudden I was relentlessly defending her. I wasn't just playing devils advocate, I was emotionally invested. It hurt me when they called her fake. I'm afraid of being fake. We really didn't know this lady at all and she could easily have been either the fakest person or the realest person ever. I supposed I just feel hurt because sometimes I pretend i'm happy when i'm not. Maybe more often than I even acknowledge. It makes me angry when people call other people fake so quickly, maybe they're horribly depressed and just fucking trying to put a smile on and do something other than the same old shit that is killing them. Maybe they're like me and extremely emotionally numb from SSRI's and lost in a daze of brain fog. I guess it hurts me because I know my room-mates don't feel that. In reality though they would judge her differently In person and the arguments they were making were just conversational pieces. I'm wondering if anyone else feels like this ever because it made me feel so fucking alone.",6.0718,7.196477913333332,6.229333333333333,77.11800000000002,66.53333333333333,9.066666666666668,31.33333333333333,9.255337874911486,2.7606333333333337,1274,49,227,23,20,406,169,300,0.183,0.7559999999999999,0.061,-0.9890000000000001,1,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,6,0,6,2,16,23,5,2,14,0,20,6,3,8,6,61,46,19,1,5,9,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,4,13,17,0,0,12,4,2,1,4,18,0,0,17,10,42,5,28,25,10,29,1,5,5,2,29,13,3,8,17,154,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193682565273167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688198394046948,0.10084627206786632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799937370602107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987292075283044,0.20100232775476107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571659459331242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847718189267727,0.0,0.0,0.10283136967007568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822200133626684,0.2214258645001209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500764211737951,0.17805896657069786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906305203773916,0.07031360433185935,0.09450177480662916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819814557829546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084243291337959,0.0,0.0,0.10477340194947997,0.0,0.0,0.10101067096436472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160924411186661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889076652941324,0.0,0.10818171129146724,0.0,0.11102573648848983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961692771316894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074406266812494,0.0,0.0,0.2793914358438573,0.1313965950684806,0.0,0.3955176180575801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472714455808925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327866613783693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646860666689686,0.25781821112370396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894257185286766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305246755214049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843060393095569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103007310504694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577104239473029,0.09734313150663336,0.0,0.06966449766041519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096700363847616,0.07813708303632333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682294020614563,0.10705625568651966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673583873673546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991706768112885,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angrywalrus16,2019/02/07,"The way it feels I am a sufferer of quite a few disorders, and I struggle daily. This is a hard thing for people i love to understand. I can seem fine, but I am never fine. I take medicine to try and counteract my episodes and it just makes me feel numb. I have never been good at identifying my emotions. 

Abandonment is a ritual. I will pull people close and love deeply and hate with a passion. It's like a jail in my mind, I feel like I'm never free. When I'm alone I drink and I was recently taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. This demon just won't leave. I look at your posts and I'm heartbroken. I never knew so many people deal with this problem as well. I am 16 days sober and going to AA and CBT frequently. I am going to win this battle inside.

I wrote this a few days ago and figured I'd just throw it up here. With love -Walrus


The pain I feel on a daily basis is draining. 
My anxiety is like a demon inside trying to claw it's way out.
I'm sick of being sick, this hell is not something i wish on my worst enemy.
But I am the master of my mind, and controller of my body. 
I am stronger than my illness. 
I will fight back
I want control of myself and when you deal with the thoughts and feelings i go through it seems impossible. 
I feel like im all alone even when i am with my favorite people.
You fix me and for that i thank you
but this fight is far from over. 
We are the warriors, champions of our own destiny
I will be better
I know it wont be soon but it will come
I am better than the ways i feel.
I am strong and the only thing stronger are my thoughts.
This is hell but I feel like I'm the devil
I run this shit.
My mind will no longer control me, I will control my mind.
This will be hard but it will be worth it.
I've lost many people I care about and I know i'll never see them again and it hurts. 
I love you Mason.
I love you pops.
I will overcome this hell.

",-0.10734121355397974,2.005664772839509,2.01804570527975,95.94205673758869,87.69135802469137,5.1258208563173095,18.49356448647229,6.56484139541529,-0.08620935119516693,1463,40,340,17,47,489,182,405,0.26,0.551,0.18899999999999997,-0.9919,0,2,3,0,2,0,40.0,2,6,1,11,14,41,9,1,18,0,38,16,2,5,6,73,80,28,0,3,10,0,10,5,0,11,7,0,0,0,25,26,2,5,17,1,2,7,9,19,2,0,8,12,64,23,34,56,5,37,7,4,2,6,19,10,4,2,21,227,89,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569847737238395,0.07920639725753792,0.0,0.15352158017992326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669777361888088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056989861642257875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109739264018405,0.0,0.08232505911902574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755651839790611,0.0,0.0,0.06384351157656218,0.0,0.0,0.3325051071882168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559608973437347,0.1528186252331154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494221324058067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260448602074224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336940157075899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895225978308455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997981750813235,0.1588433165745289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636379074229068,0.06216414726094301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278496812824184,0.07317322033493884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934164245474938,0.0,0.08005692028839143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081463333577865,0.0,0.0,0.07847708568808867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181044231261363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062237935285495975,0.0,0.08090527970636595,0.0,0.3344584144477316,0.0,0.04947233930428478,0.15028195830586544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993400965705532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858102926874993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056367798721748665,0.0788635875554091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569100519647801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098168457528295,0.0,0.0,0.07091804740250708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883042755418583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317962311072744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906006084084566,0.13494302839432765,0.0,0.0,0.07607798442546622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705734942123551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748109211501424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572525772960503,0.0,0.0,0.06823513611754646,0.0,0.0,0.09847742804215123,0.0,0.0,0.11767806562127113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063844255524053,0.0,0.0,0.07715633082065415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371494839497042,0.1764871163007689,0.0,0.0,0.06663828759381056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522859453880201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kittydragons,2019/02/07,"Going back to someone you shouldn't go back to and regretting. Do you ever go back to someone you shouldn't go back to when you're lonely, then regretting a few hours later when you realise that person doesn't truly give a shit about you, and leaving them again? 

Wondering if anyone can relate.",7.653684210526315,7.089772263157894,7.346315789473685,76.23421052631579,63.21052631578947,9.705263157894738,31.280701754385966,8.841846274778883,2.5035543859649128,237,7,42,3,3,75,36,57,0.174,0.777,0.049,-0.7493,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,1,0,9,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,1,9,11,6,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,9,1,15,0,3,0,0,8,0,1,2,11,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403783364677268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174982054862272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816018588286038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925904087563156,0.4563935395598094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771136633287684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125793000182117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529873120745165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060805970833435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402121103586938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771918698096127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Amy_-Pond,2019/02/07,"Any advice? How do you explain to a friend that you aren't going somewhere because you feel like everybody hates you and is only you're friend out of pity? Thank you, sorry for waiting your time.",2.6557894736842123,5.2230811578947405,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,79.52631578947368,4.852631578947369,22.657894736842106,5.985473137389443,0.43366315789473703,156,5,29,1,4,48,32,38,0.139,0.607,0.255,0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,6,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,4,9,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170720497863707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220653316070532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977962216545721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406370663436368,0.2318041532151305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013753182227974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440594254607534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203507093067943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852151274743922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467769522773442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632218629110209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987318879071435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189203286750782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,friendlypoo1234,2019/02/07,"I am still obsessed with the woman my boyfriend left me for My boyfriend and I had a pervious relationship where we broke up and he immediately became intimate with a woman he insisted was just a friend during our entire relationship. It wasn’t an official relationship, she was never his girlfriend, but as soon as we broke up, he clung right to her. We got back together last may, she is no longer in his life in any way, and our relationship is much healthier and stable than the last time we were together but I still indulge in unhealthy social media habits when it comes to her. I still stalk her public twitter and Instagram accounts on a fairly regular basis. I don’t understand why I do it. I can’t explain the feeling it gives me, if any at all. I trust my partner and I am confident they have not been in contact the entire time we have been together this time around. I have a couple ideas of why I still do it, but none of them really click. Perhaps I just love to hate her, maybe I feel a spark of joy when I see she isn’t happy with her life, maybe a part of me is still digging for hints that she could *possibly* still be talking to my partner but I know in my heart that that’s not true. Maybe I’m still in that mindset that I will be hurt and I’m just trying to prepare for it, I do love dwelling on the past. Do any of you guys have this experience as well or any suggestions on how I can stop or at least relieve whatever urge it is to look at her stuff? And before anyone suggests it, I have her blocked on every social media imaginable. I am able to view her public profiles with my browser on my phone, which I can’t be without. My relationship is happy, healthy, and worth keeping and I refuse to let her come in the way of us again, I just don’t know how to stop or if I can. 

Tl;dr I still stalk the woman my boyfriend left me for and I either don’t know why or refuse to confront why ",4.810384615384617,4.993251846153846,5.7244230769230775,82.96432692307692,69.0,8.961538461538463,29.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.1041794871794868,1500,52,317,24,24,495,176,390,0.10300000000000001,0.759,0.138,0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,8,1,2,0,22,17,2,2,15,0,39,5,1,2,3,63,58,28,0,3,18,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,6,17,23,0,6,9,0,2,2,13,7,1,0,8,6,65,10,47,43,6,48,0,3,4,2,57,22,0,7,22,235,82,0,0.07759038824057474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105649876550198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425300352419511,0.0,0.0,0.06907189565168995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966221918816229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660237055906032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367449829351505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194961142274594,0.08585228879542538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537324853868871,0.0,0.0,0.07589828812748957,0.0,0.0,0.0784640632494977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059946141483388164,0.0,0.0,0.07443177051314266,0.0,0.0,0.06205612149284592,0.0,0.0,0.07682668310163072,0.0,0.1651928221389971,0.0,0.07660444479987427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194498364823488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306211537411476,0.08759010398909266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896590213121508,0.0,0.0,0.12792494463919893,0.12649304453447144,0.0,0.0,0.1686043676995929,0.07934142888562559,0.10960877166941442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651563844834561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005670943625906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338499215339855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703786302131617,0.0,0.05984249070683941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402282933640548,0.07406880511105883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747150457118888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049706389522352096,0.0,0.0,0.4165151978909161,0.0,0.06626176761077207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061829493766307926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818725924654045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957102742121072,0.12973807767344206,0.0,0.0,0.08882243119771227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062364214996104325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357307380453582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526787804485022,0.0,0.0,0.08077433053044787,0.09333168360088497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317527730014675,0.0,0.0,0.0697630772593012,0.0,0.28005302789698205,0.0,0.0,0.0747943654444528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abitupsetatthedisco,2019/02/07,"How to stop feeling abondoned? This is my first post, so sorry if it's kind of a mess... I'm in my last year of college and I'm dating an absolutely amazing guy who copes super great with my BPD. I'm kinda feeling overwhelmed this week though, because he decided to go away with his friends (also my friends) Friday and Saturday. I've been super excited for him because he finally gets to go skiing and hes been dying to all year, but I also have a part of me that feels lonely and left behind and like it means he doesn't want me around. I logically know that isn't true, but I can't stop the nagging feeling. I don't want to talk to him about it because I'm afraid he'll only go one day or something because he'll feel bad about me. I want him to live his life and be happy, but why can't I do the same? How do I stop feeling like a day away means he hates me?",2.7659429280397028,3.406212575268817,4.4545161290322595,88.60946650124072,73.78494623655914,7.013399503722082,26.135649296939626,7.010146845296331,1.0032676592224976,673,22,152,6,13,228,102,186,0.14300000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.174,0.7404,0,2,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,9,19,2,2,6,0,13,1,0,2,2,37,36,17,1,4,5,0,6,2,2,2,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,3,11,1,0,3,5,7,0,2,2,6,21,12,20,31,3,22,0,2,0,0,17,5,0,3,15,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297322528278674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740725322722068,0.0,0.0,0.22671599268918266,0.0,0.10074068738735634,0.29419717435268644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195894191457945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562313649602866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521935212042498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660364073330279,0.08619493121335392,0.0,0.132170083371284,0.0,0.10262786107413434,0.0,0.0,0.18643329063297653,0.0,0.06303650811743712,0.0,0.20571060499948576,0.0,0.0,0.13302098177311325,0.0,0.11946599885017628,0.0,0.1284379638881996,0.0,0.11912041682541308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564212166971903,0.06630804416810324,0.09834875919945646,0.0,0.0,0.13109045181013884,0.0,0.08522118137591153,0.11789047519283585,0.0,0.10653930870405373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628542070014642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175797843855723,0.09176247332741228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065605369963593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155527639056282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928850092274198,0.0,0.1350617883871382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30261534949366803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697676557454557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185415153917078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21349379665707666,0.0,0.09678101243489604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887107629152316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539388064106835
bpd,LoverOfDogsDawg,2019/02/07,"Is anyone else here on Lamictal or any other mood stabilizer and kind of miss the crazy moments? So I’ve officially been on Lamictal for four months now and I’ve noticed that my mood swings aren’t nearly as bad as they were before. I mean they’re still there of course but toned down quite a bit and I can’t help but miss how I used to be. I know it’s probably because I’ve been this way for so long that any change is terrifying but I can’t help but feel like I don’t know who I am anymore without this constant passion about every little thing. I miss the intensity it brought to my life I guess. 
I talked to my doctor and told him I especially miss how when I used to get happy I felt like I literally had won the lottery. Just be over the moon for no reason. Sure it went away and turned into a crippling sadness but my God is it almost worth it. 
Anyone else? It’s making me feel all the crazier thinking this way but I can’t help it. ",1.7206060606060625,3.54403641414142,3.420202020202023,90.1336363636364,78.79797979797979,6.218181818181819,22.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.576371717171718,742,22,164,9,18,247,116,198,0.134,0.701,0.165,0.8918,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,11,15,0,0,7,0,15,3,0,6,2,32,36,19,0,0,9,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,15,6,0,0,8,0,1,2,7,6,0,1,9,3,22,7,20,25,2,19,0,5,0,1,8,8,0,3,9,104,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542315203470662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839354407409727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134121568998962,0.1891256639452125,0.27713837065323993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706226989618574,0.0,0.1129196071129242,0.08244094368222278,0.0,0.11507913244266155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764686498101834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306580548812042,0.0,0.0,0.14614620885621107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384236941977145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259510448049391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139453876375808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367626407198122,0.09661535989240257,0.1298514429771064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065722812692485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898191722490794,0.0,0.0,0.14396531130340187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27194521721341963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083146922779002,0.14864854489425242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552388978313596,0.13214269712042612,0.13554583607867773,0.0,0.1196829917174033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027363510808832,0.0,0.0,0.14731581922037695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794714016371401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539714401383617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458114079061504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384420370081072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904906698143865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080027010543964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274619370586114,0.0,0.0,0.10870065066812533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984733217062804,0.08665622081057073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922745089111615,0.0,0.0,0.14710209738458235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23360757846314856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21469416057893287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536867513757288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036636780611174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jmoody1123,2019/02/07,"Dissociating all of a sudden really badly? I woke up this morning feeling pretty depressed. I’ve been off the past 2 days and today I did absolutely nothing. I’ve been home alone all day. And for some reason the depression has slowly morphed into a pretty bad dissociative episode. 

I started walking to get food so I could get out of the house, and I started feeling like I was in another timeline, is the best way I could describe it. Like I was myself but had traveled several years back. The same thing happened yesterday to a lesser extent. I started saying my order to the cashier and stopped because I literally didn’t recognize my own voice. 

I’ve never had too bad dissociation but this is really distressing on top of the depression I’m still feeling. I’m panicking and crying and idk what to do. I’m still alone for the next couple hrs besides my dog. Like I said, this doesn’t happen often so idk what to do. ",3.6331144067796615,5.907750542372881,5.324375,76.59300317796611,74.6497175141243,7.814830508474578,29.706567796610173,8.660442795831766,2.6863449152542365,734,33,127,15,16,249,106,177,0.21100000000000002,0.682,0.107,-0.9716,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,0,1,11,0,16,1,0,1,3,23,31,10,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,7,8,1,1,4,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,10,6,15,4,16,19,7,27,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,2,19,87,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26018290553241163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171037922793588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658438748868407,0.3146309605612927,0.07656914496811777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181728541175775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005746804542288,0.13898227120343198,0.13797390250144714,0.16201284767572458,0.0,0.3245565772879864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053272553251965,0.08973399826988472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518850455613266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124943266903685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221485333854729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599452904927566,0.0,0.0,0.1449341505137253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409638852436744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968762206529546,0.0,0.1335849642756151,0.0,0.0,0.12052375055639268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990653835903152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25557589770978817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609347172001564,0.12914539416752382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194814632698407,0.09988809787876894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190068298537029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667168311993193,0.0,0.20062056799977174,0.10501346527632142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344801860213209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906119015857068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970135936666563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088708941643648
bpd,Number406,2019/02/07,"Worst fear came true Hey everybody!


I’m a dude (which is apparently uncommon around here) and my worst fear just happened to me. I’m always worried that I’m an abusive piece of shit. All of my friends eventually leave when they realize that my moods switch at the drop of a hat, or that I manipulate them. I compulsively lie to. I hate it and I hate myself for it. I swear to god I feel like a monster, but I just don’t know how to stop. The only person I’ve met that makes me feel normal is my girlfriend, who I’ve been with for nearly a year, an all-time record for me. She stuck with me through mental hospital trips and through a collapsed lung and through my off-the-wall marijuana habit (1 zip every 2 weeks). But for whatever reason my stupid brain can’t find that enough, and I started falling for another girl. I distanced myself and tried to stop myself, and it worked. I told my girlfriend about it but I lied about the intensity of the feelings, and she didn’t know that it was a crush, and thought it was just a passing physical attraction. She found recently in my room a note where I talked about my feelings more in-depth, and it included internal conversation about this other girl. She told the girl (one of my best friends), and she and her boyfriend pulled her aside and told her that she was in an abusive relationship and needs to get out. I don’t think they’re wrong either. I’m awful. I yell at her when things go wrong, and I can tell that my rapid mood swings scare her. I’m scared of myself. It’s like I have some form of emotional amnesia. I one day come to an epiphany on how to be a good person and I write it down somewhere, and then the feeling fades and I’m right back to where I started. I’m so sick of hurting people. I love her so much. She doesn’t deserve this, but at the same time I don’t want her to leave me. I want to get better but I don’t know how. I’m 18 and honestly at this point I don’t know why I don’t just go for the rope option. I can’t bear the idea of living a life spent hurting people. I just can’t. I’m such an abusive piece of shit. I wish I was a psychopath so I wouldn’t give a shit but I’m not and it hurts so much. Sorry if this is too much of a teenage rant post, but anyhow, that’s where I’m at. Any advice from older people suffering with this? How do you stop hurting people? Advice from older men would be especially appreciated.",1.6975615505500272,3.5806137570281145,3.1096839532041223,92.05013619696176,79.1004016064257,6.338466911122753,22.271870089051856,7.34059242885,0.6266277632268205,1873,57,421,25,46,611,224,498,0.222,0.675,0.10300000000000001,-0.9962,1,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,1,2,3,27,32,6,4,27,1,26,8,5,7,2,82,73,40,0,8,16,0,5,2,4,2,2,1,1,6,28,27,0,3,16,0,1,8,13,19,0,2,15,6,67,11,52,54,15,45,0,5,0,1,40,18,3,5,19,270,95,1,0.0,0.281991816398156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550476341483996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601186052169516,0.0,0.0,0.05394952763383815,0.08318813386380444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706236702490305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100259525984302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325565569452707,0.07016406912032143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885624677690613,0.0,0.09073643501473827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833882000135043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116357017232601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923955444919451,0.0,0.08197275396767847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684192904138585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854457697748596,0.2005671075423865,0.05667589679694944,0.0,0.0,0.0725094182725394,0.0,0.0,0.08698513173904109,0.12258579235101537,0.0,0.08289700051295898,0.07610396047734773,0.09017415799954152,0.06654120936171384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015438738103222,0.0,0.0,0.15665089246827452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33971278135754385,0.08955791009990359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743985552364712,0.0,0.0,0.16800552791139664,0.0,0.0,0.05603562544321603,0.07751672066230897,0.0,0.07005296923995694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160161719948853,0.0,0.052955753956403916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994954882902973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495784030772785,0.058824814646561537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773002505252838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751691968617756,0.06033673204360668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219999550328044,0.13854197410652327,0.0,0.0,0.07499583812572909,0.0,0.07597960146295728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156809205832949,0.07833229983807165,0.08517453216542215,0.0,0.06775040965227314,0.0,0.0,0.1588534266900201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443042161371085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888074028494026,0.11230537581826193,0.0,0.0,0.19897917517473185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376529431644105,0.0693410106898322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527056787994657,0.05083372905657184,0.0,0.06298196908353858,0.046260025132418614,0.0,0.0,0.22741979157954845,0.0,0.053862266040545115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358595465569383,0.0,0.06363658042823116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158618026851234,0.0,0.0912296557210912,0.0,0.0,0.05775576194667596,0.08056706076811496,0.0,0.056356270595070514,0.17347754391070694,0.0,0.051088198680099485
bpd,lilghostyeast,2019/02/07,i’m sick of this i hate having just suspected BPD because they won’t be able to officially diagnose me for two more years. i hate that i can’t explain the way i am. IM TRYING!!! i’m trying so hard but it’s so difficult when people keep treating me like shit and using my insecurities against me. i’m so fucking sick of this,1.1589075630252097,3.289356235294118,3.8162184873949587,85.00441176470592,82.23529411764707,6.8268907563025225,24.420168067226893,7.957251820313856,1.4826109243697478,256,10,54,5,7,90,50,68,0.353,0.606,0.040999999999999995,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,4,1,1,0,5,5,1,1,0,7,14,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,9,2,5,12,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,3,33,13,0,0.2366064339308113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423308602270105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979975207349782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401505499134663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873883554375265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195289056211974,0.467199737450719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555755505131881,0.0,0.0,0.21030666988665744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559395216597958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403310975926058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428731043041596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212804747695879,0.0,0.2311301056908979,0.0,0.0,0.20435199098343054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878071741313061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236678600478806
bpd,flatasssally,2019/02/07,"Plus other stuff I have never even gone to therapy or anything but I've known something is wrong for a long time. I have never been able to regulate my emotions and I've been told multiple times that it's obvious I have BPD. Binge eating or not eating at all. I cry for no reason 4-7 times a week, not because of sadness, but because I either have too many emotions going on at once or I just feel empty. I am either mean as shit or super lovey with my husband, there is no inbetween. How I react to something honestly depends on the day/hour. I don't even know where to start",1.9087547746371316,3.847199554621852,3.8005194805194833,87.08311688311692,78.66386554621847,6.3440794499618045,24.26355996944233,7.348242739294969,1.1527075630252104,453,16,91,6,11,153,81,119,0.166,0.735,0.099,-0.8196,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,3,0,10,3,1,4,4,26,17,10,0,0,11,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,5,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,4,1,11,2,14,13,3,15,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,5,8,65,15,0,0.15983906004179002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153392724384375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487281485791444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131170069107776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557570199186592,0.10308297057143916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271105245756721,0.0,0.3595948575953901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111443833590489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081943138351781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908402213143334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740927701439686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784336724642103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145253829509544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620517191498837,0.0,0.17411159481162608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24655547373943426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022338236191414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434117488081776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640724981838848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24610383490021265,0.0,0.0,0.11313490938470608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829774825877805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278989526999748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796103239061172,0.0,0.0,0.1527330716223658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821325262204916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475892019968442,0.0,0.0
bpd,MasterFortuneHunter,2019/02/07,"If you haven't watched the ""The Edge of Seventeen""... Wow. The main character is me to a T. I've never connected to a character more in my life than her. If she doesn't have BPD, I'm in the wrong place. ",0.5549999999999997,2.088921772727275,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,81.27272727272728,8.036363636363637,22.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,1.2987454545454549,154,5,39,4,4,53,33,44,0.07200000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.08900000000000001,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,6,5,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,1,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651191395129687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169285076656164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34606338499830863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687936738499617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905805786073632,0.0,0.0
bpd,manateens,2019/02/07,"I'm at my boyfriends grandmas funeral and I'm...bored???? I'm drunk as shit because incant deal with people sober 

I'm sitting off to the side idgaf I hope no one notices I'm gone I dont thibk his fam likes me anyway 

I knew his grandma p well and seeing her embalmed and dead and shit just affected me 0, idk how I can feel things so strongly so much of the time and death is like ....ok who cares rip bye (except animal death I cry over lol) 

I'm trying to be thoughtful and kind and supportive and my brain just keeps thinking of horrible death jokes and inappropriate shit to liven the evening lmaoo

My bf is talking w family so i'm just in a side room waiting to leave I left my gin in the car n he has thr keys 

I'm trying hard to work on boundaries and not oversharing but that's hard so imma judt overshare on here instead of to my future mother in law lmao",-0.4747142857142848,1.7441689888888907,1.5360317460317459,95.5,98.0,4.34920634920635,18.65079365079365,6.1826913282559595,-0.025420634920635177,678,22,147,8,28,223,121,180,0.17800000000000002,0.698,0.124,-0.7302,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,13,13,3,0,5,2,6,5,4,2,0,27,24,17,6,1,6,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,11,1,2,4,2,0,2,3,3,1,1,3,4,16,10,20,20,1,17,0,0,1,0,10,12,3,1,5,78,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016085798629422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834224822230722,0.0,0.0,0.16752333494695282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048503036068272,0.0,0.16939471587969615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925681872606381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852412950287127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489530923175546,0.0,0.08307924935799545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943760541604957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319528648095755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604482977485891,0.0,0.17110188407956758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397884077182052,0.17852152599363766,0.0,0.0,0.1605455411964061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078555834477382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706616956119546,0.0,0.0,0.11133960461243374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391073618893252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309324987148841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059805453737001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645519241716893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320648448246187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915918081527526,0.10528216973950233,0.0,0.13044249325485888,0.09580953253940544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231091970264095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773295828886834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961845108662385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blueblackbird_,2019/02/07,"im getting too tired to pretend The last couple months have been bad for me. I fell into a deep depression. Im losing the strengh to keep faking my personality. Or rather to pretending to have a personality at all.

I believe that this is why recently more and more people in my life grow disinterested in me. Im slowly losing everyone.

Is there any other solution that to try and pretend harder? 

I just dont want to be alone again. I cant be alone.",1.6483333333333334,4.104466055555559,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,82.8888888888889,7.155555555555559,23.44444444444445,8.238735603445708,1.7162444444444451,355,13,69,8,10,125,61,90,0.273,0.6890000000000001,0.039,-0.9608,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,1,9,12,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,3,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,0,8,0,11,9,3,11,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414947563036805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211185664791007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765293686071536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574309020752566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241673771006306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199545385314932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932171107775908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753276683292694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613362383011285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342379576656285,0.0,0.0,0.1465369771327295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438458572709314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644695111149535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688769582992862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315913263352986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429459687016925,0.2879023899183674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278139875387485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948468998460002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193051939312378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723991657376553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876236979693333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChancesAreMoFo,2019/07/18,"I'm just wasting time I throw up because I don't want to be fat.

I drink because I would rather feel numb than anxious.

I cut because I like to feel the sting, see the blood flow, watch the healing. 

I obsess over certain people because it makes me feel alive. I don't just fall for anybody, but when I do, holy fuck, lock up your Facebook profiles.

I've been obsessed with a guy for over 14 years and he doesn't even have a Facebook profile, that's how deep I go. 

But the fantasy is better than the real thing, because whenever I do catch what I want, I'm still not satisfied.

I watch movies and get way too into it, almost feeling like I've become the character. It takes days, sometimes weeks for the feeling to wear off. 

I escape with music and fantasize a dramatic life where I'm closer to others than I actually am. 

I want nothing more than to connect deeply with another human being, but it almost feels impossible and I feel more comfortable isolating myself. 

It all feels too much sometimes, man.",5.106466224131196,5.915374695431472,5.713908629441626,81.08734869191727,68.54314720812182,8.295040999609528,31.397500976181178,8.384062270229773,2.3561342444357662,793,32,150,11,13,257,119,197,0.113,0.773,0.114,0.4741,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,10,10,2,2,10,0,12,8,3,2,2,34,32,9,0,5,7,0,8,2,0,1,4,0,0,3,9,8,2,0,8,2,0,5,4,5,0,0,1,11,20,5,21,28,4,21,0,0,3,1,5,9,1,2,8,94,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.12955228492307788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26587515581523324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392079381149067,0.0,0.14997832070094474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046390594543315,0.14662035915217778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741332493385315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561768102584913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300519245597231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876851548059839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370099257734592,0.0948420690243352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273227887064556,0.06936037618185145,0.0,0.0754492138681443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145091421865632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377063189926166,0.12971733288904091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861674108065111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975921247219816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738451523091635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203741677122487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110723394231235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579063358112584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26260135816174923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106020405447159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981720705592884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819826256269174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741203482663686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349116486757037,0.1053768180309291,0.10649015356686536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943072030228462,0.0,0.0,0.08549155354181788
bpd,bellexy,2019/07/18,"my psychiatrist is sitting directly across from me in a restaurant but like different tables. 

I'm not supposed to drink on my meds (insert SpongeBob derp meme) but I didn't realize until my second margarita that she's just sitting there like directly facing me two tables over. 

avoiding eye contact. 

fuck fuck fuck.",5.785535714285714,8.541790767857144,6.056571428571428,71.5884285714286,69.89285714285714,8.765714285714285,34.41428571428571,9.3871,3.921211428571429,257,13,37,6,5,82,45,56,0.252,0.654,0.094,-0.9161,1,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,6,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,7,2,7,5,0,7,0,0,1,3,2,4,3,0,3,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910501458138009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27289609753428923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7726104798220431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272194002878591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094324964499225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27212595241757376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Madamelic,2019/07/18,"I am not really sure where else to post this, but I need to get it out of my head [CW: assault, or something] Uhh. So this all is really stupid but I am kind of still shook. I don't think I want attention, I just don't know what to do. 

Early this morning, I walked to the nearby gas station like I do basically every day. As I was walking in, some obviously homeless dude approached me and asked for 25c. No big deal. I used to live in a big city and was used to this. I turned him down saying I didn't have any money on me. And he was actually very understanding.

Grabbed my sodas and went home. 

This evening, I decided to go on a walk. It was still totally light out and I have never felt threatened by living here. I have had friends who said it is a little sketch but only a night and a little further up the hill. Great!

So I walk out of my apartment and who is there, that same homeless guy. He sees me, I am wearing headphones and I shrug at him and say ""Nah, I don't have any cash"". 

He then starts talking to me and gets right in my path, probably 6 inches away from me. He reeks of alcohol. I step back to give us some room as, you know, personal bubble for myself. He steps towards me. 

The place we were at wasn't unpopulated. It was basically the center of town, plenty of people around so I didn't immediately feel threatened. He goes on and on for maybe a few minutes. I've been cornered by these kinds before (again, big city), you let them ramble for 3 - 5 minutes about their sob story and how they totally definitely do spend it on drugs, then ask for a decent amount of money. 

So I let him ramble rather than run my chances at trying to evade him and failing to get around him. His story gets darker and darker. At first he was talking about where he got lunch, whatever. But then weird phrases like ""my girls"" and ""I need some new girls"" and started touching my arm, I would pull away and he would keep getting closer. 

He started talking about how he drinks heavily at a bar nearby (""I am not an alcoholic though, I've never even bought drugs""), I wasn't really listening entirely but I heard him say ""I can't promise you'll make it home alright"". I started looking directly into people's eyes passing by, no one was helping. I had to use the emergency mode on my phone and a call finally came through from the police, I pretended to need to take a call and he scurried off very quickly. I ran back into my building and everything just hit me. 

This all sounds very theatrical and overblown but I am shook by this. It took place a few hours ago and I don't even want to go outside anymore, I've been looking into tasers, I don't want this to happen again. 

How do I trust going outside? I think my BPD issues has blown this issue from ""weird encounter"" up to the level of feeling assaulted or violated. The police said they would keep an eye out for him, they came and took a report from me. But I don't want to run into this guy again. He asked where I lived and I told him I lived nearby but not at a building very close by. 

Anyone had these experiences? Do I just need time to feel comfortable going outside again and trusting? I need to get a real RBF and not being so sunny and approachable. I literally want to get a CCW or at least a taser holster and just open carry around town to tell people to fuck off from approaching me.",2.8764969696969693,4.47153911703704,4.1779932659932655,86.96751515151516,74.86666666666667,7.042424242424243,24.865319865319872,7.750939303291985,1.2165703703703712,2604,85,542,36,55,857,301,675,0.091,0.833,0.075,-0.581,0,0,6,0,1,0,88.0,2,3,5,2,37,24,5,2,26,1,49,14,5,7,8,110,114,53,0,14,20,0,6,2,1,4,4,8,3,5,23,44,6,2,11,3,5,25,19,12,0,2,30,21,83,12,89,76,12,111,1,2,5,1,61,58,2,6,29,363,106,2,0.0,0.0,0.062309173776172115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659988490134658,0.13647418167141326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684147204279027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332284000102444,0.044645966519310895,0.0,0.0,0.1705222572229803,0.17907564657192135,0.0,0.11997986374384605,0.09819465346852424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433233107480092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804178519976115,0.0,0.13039761895507165,0.14605661866170938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04117848611099405,0.0658273748868656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254947932511458,0.14809332189791538,0.0,0.053339153295910935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265185608646107,0.0,0.05379705594023492,0.0,0.05738498519973195,0.062458337981264475,0.0,0.0,0.09685465448684036,0.0,0.06130678465001475,0.06994543439923838,0.0,0.05431146096904574,0.0,0.0,0.04933097251354302,0.05902903909905801,0.23351586694771226,0.0612515090122303,0.14515153263339567,0.0,0.051067320563225764,0.07039573644057381,0.0,0.12644466845104502,0.05646305479983276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655293455052804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279784777143111,0.0,0.1280951242805474,0.0,0.06288017983326206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328730010829473,0.0,0.11350705610800488,0.0,0.13298157275642308,0.0701814636898312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305835455189936,0.0,0.06238855487237354,0.1279905589365961,0.2255257177062096,0.0,0.1072371876653952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262090724799513,0.0,0.06414671440075932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23672280929052975,0.09849135210876282,0.06166750404761118,0.0,0.059919653856281264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326695702706127,0.048561413405515536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327983230611472,0.05575205890949465,0.13342099973316382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061151419907236125,0.0,0.06884196570379167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267619327701275,0.12271337944014858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054528237444800134,0.12147347192183415,0.15233016554541362,0.0,0.0,0.050880823720026086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915546812010781,0.0,0.0,0.18077570985551192,0.0,0.10198266855346652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060178626799732425,0.0,0.04800785801649805,0.1539625720524837,0.05580841673081655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182603359678385,0.06273309040083762,0.0,0.03723191708462696,0.0,0.0,0.06101217915652121,0.14188118446846992,0.043350504403559684,0.06945133915463747,0.0,0.06647093842230976,0.076804655052466,0.16543978076520116,0.0,0.21073440004337005,0.18830429155909745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919033468016152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607333683811793,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,natattatt,2019/07/18,"Unreasonable and confusing On tuesday night my family had a surprise get together. I found out about it last minute, as per usual. And it turns out it was a psuedo intervention where everyone just told me how much they love me. To be honest, the word circle jerk came to mind, and I'm mad that they did this behind my back, including telling my partner about it and no one saying anything to me. My family constantly forgets to tell me about things that are happening, and I'm always the last to be invited, if I am at all. My mom once told me she stopped inviting me to family events because I'm always working.. you could still ask on the off chance I'm not. Which I did tell her, and now she just invites me to things with 24 hour notice. Sure, that may be a bit of a hyperbole, but still, people need more than 3 days notice for things. 
Anyway, I feel unreasonably betrayed by my family and partner and I can't help but thinking they are constantly talking about me behind my back. How am I supposed to trust the confidentiality of any of the people that attended? The fact I didn't even get the opportunity to tell my parents about my relapse makes me feel betrayed. It also makes me think about how to better hide my relapse next time. I know it was coming from a good place, but its difficult for me to ACTUALLY believe a word of what they were saying.",5.881860902255639,6.1378563120300775,6.5975093984962365,77.37265507518799,66.70676691729324,9.807894736842108,30.910714285714285,9.673873057562805,2.728196240601504,1073,38,208,21,16,354,145,266,0.098,0.805,0.096,-0.1373,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,4,3,20,12,2,1,13,0,17,1,0,5,3,43,40,17,0,3,7,2,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,17,13,0,1,6,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,11,4,37,8,36,24,4,29,0,0,0,1,24,8,0,3,18,152,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0995643272689046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815915228114811,0.16979045594990366,0.0,0.0,0.06938234146741541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396011199138262,0.0,0.09538213610527088,0.0,0.0,0.15690602236384593,0.0,0.0621951450184205,0.0,0.0,0.1149502906767866,0.0,0.09023521828569424,0.11138783435577963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669251972801074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788783799915928,0.0,0.22051141696633586,0.0,0.08146082435077742,0.0,0.0,0.06579943239691803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738834019725085,0.0,0.0,0.09749184918982093,0.0,0.0,0.3847305789517249,0.0,0.10317655151374806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118681178057406,0.0,0.0,0.10661053485493592,0.0,0.0,0.08557600246148359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902227669859179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838702334950626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047674241574724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056071761151302905,0.16633240218572634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208399168703983,0.0,0.136208577343062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301890225170364,0.11949362082062967,0.0,0.0,0.07500210629597502,0.07565225416367168,0.0,0.0,0.10850762704561827,0.09574609427203952,0.0,0.0,0.2323184481005752,0.0,0.1086561813072237,0.06913661678209153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328969777023815,0.0,0.0,0.14146633523037816,0.0,0.10659724144069076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227306014115814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295892197332476,0.0852997340438792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615990921024084,0.0,0.0,0.08200600854304099,0.356706862312549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334803087929948,0.13075047371695492,0.0,0.0,0.059493178175957714,0.0,0.0,0.19498369837964186,0.0,0.0,0.1109768504666059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236910817952953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427738801148688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cheyenniffer,2019/07/18,"I’m unravelling at the seams... I had a manic episode last weekend. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I have a lot of trauma surfacing recently.. Mostly childhood.. but like, I don’t know what’s going on.. I started freaking out uncontrollably, next thing you know I slammed my head into the floor. I fucked myself up. I have a history of self harm. It’s been over a year since I’ve cut. Prior to that it was bad for a few months, but prior to THAT I went YEARS without doing it. It’s not too common but it’s happened a few times before where I slam my head into things.. I don’t like it.. I can’t control it. I’m fully aware but It’s like I couldn’t stop myself. Afterwards I just balled up and cried, for what felt like hours. I had a HUGE lump on my head. It’s gone now. I have a slight black eye. Headaches are fucking me up. I’m air headed, but I always have been? I’m scared. I don’t want this to happen again. But It’s so unpredictable. I need help but it’s so limited with my current situation. I’m trying... does anyone else deal with self harm like this? Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I’m spiraling. I want to be okay. I’m scared I’m going to scare people away. I feel crazy. I feel so nauseous. 

I feel like I’m unravelling at the seams.",-0.8539835648601048,1.287591475836436,1.558893562903542,96.49447808648016,95.20817843866173,4.467266679710429,16.00088045392291,6.202715092499727,-0.4780914498141261,973,24,225,11,38,328,134,269,0.215,0.6509999999999999,0.134,-0.981,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,0,2,8,21,3,4,12,1,19,8,5,1,0,33,48,11,0,4,10,0,6,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,20,6,0,3,8,2,0,4,8,12,0,0,9,8,32,9,25,37,4,43,0,0,2,2,5,18,2,2,29,129,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987047102776392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404748132364978,0.0,0.0,0.06868950337696526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125551747833076,0.10349553609780153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949011694751086,0.0,0.08433819717247144,0.0,0.0,0.08595111876965872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132900499160951,0.0,0.0,0.1109535136630858,0.0,0.10413572186708477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678710632788833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437995958057047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204292502493754,0.14432153070362774,0.1939687337023986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676216720674008,0.0,0.0,0.11481135057315132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786436412057057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41465701522492576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770412430535548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947340189887133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102367967110596,0.08233572015583347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947826999964512,0.0,0.0,0.089389681842936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587413920808933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062432578451398,0.0,0.0,0.07489680598760193,0.0,0.0,0.1074240917319986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002684044684157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997340849909103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033825355188848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074858590512754,0.0,0.0,0.08355559083510311,0.11353821526732805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149460643916153,0.0,0.0,0.08444794807642776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421162559393418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779818255753287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857840035586259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915531108981953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363624540803037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973689575601824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009281636633704
bpd,Facenumber2,2019/07/18,"This black and white bullshit is killing me Like I feel like the information that comes into my brain is 100% of the time cleaved into one of two extremes, instantly. Like its just a malfunction of my perception and it will never function differently, I will only try my entire life to correct and recalibrate but the data will always be corrupted. It feels like such a battle and makes me so mad and I just feel helpless and that it's not fair. 

My entire life has been pushed further and further to black and white extremes that as time goes on have become more and more extreme and its come to the point where my black and white thinking plays off of my mood swings in such a way that I feel like I can’t move I’m just running in place. I have done so much work, I understand how to use DBT in a lot of ways, and I do. I try to embrace multiple truths and fact check and etc etc. But when it comes down to it change requires routine and habit and I have been trying for years but I can never reinforce a routine because after a week or two max, it is the opposite of what I have decided is what I should be doing for my life. I see it happen and I tell myself it's a symptom like I know it in my logic mind but I can’t get to it to use it. I can’t get my bearings because I’m always going back and forth.

Like, I’ve always dealt with the everyday stuff. But I’m an adult now and more responsible and its getting bigger as my decision are bigger. I was gonna get married. Had the venue, the photographer, save the dates went out, working on the dress. I wanted to have a family and a home. Decided I never lived my life and wanted to travel and do workstays so I found some rando roommates and moved out. Now I’m back. And I want to leave again. And again and again. I just can’t take it anymore. I will never get better, so what’s the point?",2.7409598603839456,4.1020400942408415,4.110554973821991,88.27139965095989,74.75916230366492,6.978150087260035,24.251657940663176,7.554174236665415,1.0060552181500868,1444,44,310,18,30,477,179,382,0.067,0.836,0.09699999999999999,0.8595,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,4,21,16,3,0,21,0,31,6,1,4,7,80,63,41,1,4,11,0,4,7,0,6,5,0,1,1,24,35,0,1,14,2,1,10,9,4,0,3,7,11,39,11,35,48,8,51,0,1,7,0,3,20,0,3,26,219,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566994056184955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965640826925174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903008679157913,0.0,0.11021879567980536,0.09984404020268248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995493124429529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092068647212424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563537290792913,0.2336249474850532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445286742962523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251460999678236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164856272985435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522478133280001,0.0,0.18284377738604252,0.19375376122376645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991232451975433,0.0,0.0,0.2361616158908139,0.0,0.05137863790725749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994389849193502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068251486834374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001855628600004,0.0,0.04968363675261074,0.0,0.0,0.09572471067621363,0.0,0.0,0.2554198828953492,0.30916756282669505,0.0,0.07982832822073689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685819009957043,0.0,0.0,0.060345326598907165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128220004210487,0.0,0.0,0.19217014522154968,0.06645729201968065,0.0,0.2789003422939025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126004398608177,0.06875626403279415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445286742962523,0.0,0.17092187372052742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204022915656795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034908731731118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939643003811135,0.06797250594556065,0.0,0.07901702127064547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792718926605375,0.0,0.0,0.10543051950077542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413500664629054,0.0,0.1766230106910932,0.09411368146366277,0.0,0.15615994195270266,0.0,0.0,0.15996774411193365,0.14351686650816076,0.07251658115831325,0.0,0.0,0.0838053506695587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163027838335292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582171681898534
bpd,Climbing-Mountains,2019/07/18,"I don’t understand what is happening to me and I am absolutely terrified. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2015. I often internalise my feelings, have varied mood swings and am a massive people pleaser. How I view myself is marked by shame or self-hatred. I am two completely different people depending on if I am at work or not in an attempt to block out the world and be good at my job. 

Since being diagnosed I was housebound for six months and had very unstable relationships with my family, friends and partner causing me to isolate myself. I have been in contact with the crisis team on many occasions including having regular home visits from professionals. I have found it extremely hard to engage within my treatment and build relationships with professionals causing me to miss appointments.  

Since being diagnosed with BPD I have been on a variety of medication including PRN (prescribed as required or when needed) such as Diazepam and Risperidone. Most recently I have been on Venlafaxine and Quetiapine. Although, I have continued to experience varied mood swings whilst on this medication I feel I have been a lot more stable and able to hold down a job for a year and a half which is something that has been difficult in the past.  In early May I was hospitalised due to having urine retention. The doctors believed this was due to side effects of my medication. My psychiatrist - of whom I have been under the care of for a year and a half – chose to take me off the Quetiapine and to only take it as a PRN. Quetiapine makes me feel extremely tired and zombified and is not something I am able to take at work. 

Since being off Quetiapine, my concentration and focus has declined massively. I have had so many thoughts in my head that I often shout out or talk to myself to try and release them from my head. I’m constantly replaying conversations in my head some of which are not true which is making me question reality as I truly believe what’s been said. I have had conversations with members of the public which I do not recall and truly believe have not happened. When I am reminded of the conversation, I often will make up additional things that have been said which I truly believe have happened. Members of the public have noticed my behaviour and have offered me help including to ring the crisis team. I don’t feel I am in control and am scared by my thoughts and feelings. I feel extremely paranoid and feel like people are tricking me or trying to mess with my head. I feel very confused a lot of the time and don’t know what’s real and in my head. I have had to take time off work as a result. My psychiatrist has now suggested I take 50mg of Quetiapine twice a day as well as having 25mg PRN in the middle of the day if needed. I will also be starting DBT therapy in a week and a half with a CPN (community practice nurse). 

I don’t understand what is happening to me and am absolutely terrified. 

Can anyone help? / Has anyone else had a similar experience?",7.14356101263078,7.549722379248659,7.861444137258093,68.8708532552719,64.02683363148479,11.42692036645525,36.08071773188053,11.14670477721597,4.291506380441263,2386,107,410,65,33,798,229,559,0.08900000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.067,-0.9258,3,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,9,11,16,1,3,30,0,71,14,6,10,1,89,105,45,0,4,12,0,9,1,2,3,8,4,1,1,18,36,0,4,16,2,0,1,9,7,1,6,22,14,62,7,79,75,5,52,0,1,1,0,23,31,0,18,21,320,80,11,0.13474332013770693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387709221635175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421566237852626,0.0690302273549837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036191603090511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970449479990793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868989752596577,0.13841850653718524,0.0,0.0,0.07063790378272028,0.07280483031370699,0.07556304549575274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689829445206802,0.0,0.0,0.20514245042274876,0.0,0.07038904544505774,0.0,0.06895774886214415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056280377044926916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180482231068802,0.06351200518871712,0.0,0.27252108498159616,0.048130327414683115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386954785750711,0.05205117744656753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650815203899245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830614600225164,0.0,0.06035177427904472,0.0,0.34571379977522043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031560722101603,0.0,0.06757926819845725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371195400130004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037025702452717316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03291439003564454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114553952314352,0.0,0.0,0.13491331873642134,0.13660857781927446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360957898375265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053775416303829336,0.0,0.0,0.09991046455569963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670308152474603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123918336563665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431387279795685,0.14012107862590198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547167800585264,0.0,0.0,0.07668369869181678,0.0,0.0,0.06652138654036162,0.14466389954803074,0.0,0.0,0.1281717533607957,0.0,0.06745078481004779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028333466491073,0.0,0.0,0.16719160022544247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373199080502224,0.0,0.0,0.04768600775676583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532755193261532,0.05415078837021826,0.0,0.0,0.07704536478712944,0.0,0.044758737322140536,0.0,0.0,0.10697114521442637,0.07856991354937387,0.07743381247758274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148186958967497,0.0,0.06581232240218292,0.14027254824176238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111773505756657,0.0,0.0,0.05404148191134468,0.0,0.06057521341300595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471421127681723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677028043540086
bpd,nookamoose,2019/07/18,"Advice for being in a relationship with someone whos bipolar and me (bpd)? My so and I have been fighting a lot recently, and its been getting so tough. Shes beginning to be more suicidal and idk what to do because i feel it. And we fight all the time. Shes always mad at me and easily irritated. And being bpd, i can be that way too. Its hard to care for myself when i have to take care of someone else. Any advice? Is there any solace in being in a relationship where 2 people are mentally unstable?",1.6788235294117655,3.780265509803925,4.352705882352943,82.02317647058824,80.17647058823529,7.609411764705883,23.925490196078428,8.548686976883017,1.8174007843137256,390,14,78,9,10,138,68,102,0.21600000000000005,0.705,0.079,-0.9244,0,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,4,0,15,1,0,0,1,12,22,10,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,11,2,12,15,3,10,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34190921644838634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556857723911248,0.0,0.0,0.23793772568488514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664508462340204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406751833812092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35673696473840083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614442301177175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845764459650021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140174452510293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671670469987933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873231260813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763038033161612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128510422749215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273746489160208,0.3756517500443004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964613187410323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136185947656725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153715940950328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201206250441304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886350580450588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bru_bandera,2019/07/18,Supportive partner? What (if anything) does your partner do to help you out during especially bad episodes?,6.9241176470588215,10.809341705882357,5.772058823529411,68.81926470588239,73.11764705882355,8.105882352941178,43.79411764705883,8.841846274778883,5.284435294117649,87,6,11,2,2,26,16,17,0.165,0.607,0.228,0.1197,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41792392725355626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240402832761949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444300279122256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404065656122484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763113304161398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bouncio,2019/07/18,"I need advice, or someone to talk to. My BPD mother makes me feel so helpless, and like nothing I do will ever make up for how much she has ruined my life and the life of other people I care about who are also affected. Whenever my mom would have these “mood swings” or “outbursts” id always find comfort in the idea that I only have a short time until I’m living on my own, and i would not have to live in constant fear and anxiety forever. But now after a huge outburst that included her telling me she is done with me, I broke her heart, and that she no longer wants anything to do with me now that I am 18, because I didn’t tell her I was getting breakfast before coming home The morning after staying the night at my aunts house, it hit me that no matter where I go my mother with me a constant source of anxiety. I have a 9 year old brother who I practically raised, and after she told me how disappointed in me she was, she ran to his room to yell at him for no reason except that she knows she will not get the same reaction yelling at me. She wanted to invoke fear in someone, and she wouldn’t be content until she did. She also knows how much I care about my brother, and that is the one way she can really hurt me. I don’t know what to do. I hate that she has the power to make me feel so week and vulnerable. And like nothing I do matters, because all I am is a punching bag for her to take all of her emotions out on. 
I love my mom. And I hate that I feel like this. I hate that I am saying anything bad about her. But I feel like I’m going crazy. 
I’m sorry if this makes some BPD parents feel bad, but I needed to vent and didn’t know where else to do.",5.071654987326674,4.09395370538244,6.096582674817356,84.44422394513197,68.60339943342777,8.678037870881168,29.060533770687343,7.475848149327749,1.5259609065155801,1290,37,288,11,19,432,166,353,0.11900000000000001,0.826,0.055,-0.9328,2,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,15,21,3,2,12,0,32,5,1,9,3,60,67,27,0,8,9,8,5,4,0,5,2,3,2,0,18,17,1,0,12,0,0,4,9,12,0,1,8,8,65,8,41,52,7,37,0,5,0,1,38,16,0,4,19,211,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789489682399478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386072395686048,0.0748428791136665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761799397635716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803697833275098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150203513448242,0.10966137511154364,0.0,0.07653803648190766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22656949805875384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341335770175196,0.0,0.0,0.07748113753665098,0.0,0.1944009070576284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204672658217188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513894545139309,0.10117795700673292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136196060484853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243014036447207,0.22739882901859926,0.12851591393151654,0.0,0.0,0.08220967540507959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398690082728203,0.0,0.10223759113891796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26641130204619395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658729996818876,0.0,0.0,0.090223897092151,0.0,0.0,0.10378644199681504,0.09628982741727896,0.10153890204438024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977294668565133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706406115388838,0.17577370211858592,0.0,0.15884920882229533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118042936607006,0.0,0.2401605445087932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068903002584255,0.0,0.0,0.13224238178466846,0.13338871095837387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440890648555957,0.0,0.17261261341128945,0.0,0.09438395524205874,0.0,0.060950227422401825,0.06840853608374221,0.0,0.0,0.09987519154249093,0.0,0.0,0.06235773245950001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762217404512299,0.09248021196808416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152924441838347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242313321484868,0.0,0.0,0.10068799248086756,0.0,0.0958712390485611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762874177487946,0.07229576891874294,0.15723480113010752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052448657580903925,0.0,0.0,0.08594794851878378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610581546525544,0.07139552213356458,0.0721498357803734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779114280706316,0.0,0.0,0.05792274066708088
bpd,MrAidenator,2019/07/18,"Hi all. I'm not sure what to do, I need help.  

I have only recently been diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder, and in the past 8  months I have seen a gradual decline in my mental health. Sometimes I  hear voices telling me to ""Give up"" in whispers. I'll hear the doorbell  go or a knock on my bedroom door and no one is there. I'll have vivid  dreams that seem like they are real and feel like they actually  happened. My vision sometimes becomes distorted. I look in the mirror  and my face changes shape. All of these things seem to only happen at  night.

This is how it has been in  the past 8 months. Before this it was not as bad. I think something in  my past has triggered this. I have been through a lot and it has never  left me. Its hard to let go of something traumatic that has affected my  personality.

I've only recently  been under the mental health team, the service has been quite.. poor. A  lack of a care plan, lack of therapy, emotional support. I'm in the  dark. I'm alone. I've recently drummed up a meeting because of my lack  thereof a care plan with the mental health team. I hope they take me  seriously.

In my personal life, I  have no friends. I live with my parents and my cat which they care for  me (Yes the cat is very protective of me too). I don't go out very  often, only to walk by myself. I volunteer at the local Red Cross which  is ok on my good days. I also have high functioning Autism.

Sometimes  I drift in and out of consciousness, I might be here one moment and  gone the next. I have rapid cycling of moods, I could be super happy one  moment, to being crippled by my depression the next moment.

My  thoughts occasionally seem to drift to suicide. Obtaining a weapon or  being removed from this life in one way or another. I spoke to my doctor  and she said she rang the crisis team (mental health response team) and  they would get back to me but its the next day and still no response.

I  seem to be drifting down some sort of psychotic rabbit hole and I'm  worried, but I'm unsure if I should really get myself sectioned or just wait this out until or if I get a better support plan in place. I don't  want to be stuck in an even *worse* situation where I might be mistreated.

Thank you for your time.",2.744678766925958,4.663097292134836,4.080674157303374,86.12909536156728,76.07865168539325,7.170844137136272,25.34284067991933,8.055295364500962,1.4995589167386925,1745,62,354,29,39,574,217,445,0.1,0.8029999999999999,0.09699999999999999,0.4236,1,1,2,0,0,1,54.0,0,2,5,11,11,21,1,0,25,2,39,9,1,3,4,62,79,25,1,11,12,1,2,2,1,4,8,7,2,3,17,18,0,2,8,6,1,10,8,4,0,4,12,13,54,16,55,54,8,63,0,1,4,0,27,30,0,18,24,240,71,6,0.0,0.0,0.06892871489334687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315564922748394,0.0,0.056486082594594575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740660366037573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431328055557723,0.05897654226444679,0.04305790574114564,0.07800983934448757,0.060104436171773565,0.0,0.0,0.06247014171807772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604858756028134,0.0,0.07472153631857209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056395599615580286,0.0,0.0,0.0911063317604057,0.0,0.060837066585823975,0.07169214794607412,0.0,0.0,0.08095282434106547,0.07229701785172069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945388121289389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665317203466779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035714734875685675,0.05046103154070263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457174816684647,0.0,0.11071024175851817,0.06775868697372835,0.12042899949002885,0.05924455110763537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492304328366555,0.07519133730432127,0.06327430019732586,0.0,0.0,0.3003230787329485,0.15921958016698814,0.0,0.047344563702334905,0.07462882896708674,0.0,0.07015562170661385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674418124544588,0.07222817631296521,0.09978193986143748,0.06901652920087799,0.0,0.06237122463190746,0.0,0.05931487360998404,0.0,0.0,0.06005060542226024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28473033039637835,0.1498632844399341,0.0,0.0,0.11275896608150315,0.0,0.0,0.0523743071572517,0.05447739006580532,0.0,0.2253605732155717,0.06628533949116629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145403891466675,0.214881733561152,0.0,0.0,0.07843083453843637,0.0,0.2022847882875017,0.0,0.1850249749945756,0.07379762476411975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512808427125307,0.0,0.08039709568161017,0.04525002784455545,0.0,0.20922802511335628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718922596600888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25721061076469626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793957136367278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875519741831713,0.20957686108837384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056408501820584066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726226611277211,0.16030953131699846,0.06657182494912403,0.0,0.053108069924768034,0.0,0.06173733677333103,0.06503041040816031,0.08077627540514573,0.0,0.046926172686818986,0.0452594938981763,0.0,0.05607560370515495,0.04118732511006894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656109765625533,0.041661835776208814,0.05606607904086546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717323805060704,0.07198220571637999,0.05017645434359128,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,radical_marie,2019/07/18,"DAE toggle dark mode based on their mood? I started doing this about a year ago when I noticed it “felt better” bc it amplified how I felt (dark, sad, brooding, mischievous/ happy, light, motivated). Now I use it in opposite, to try and neutralize those feelings, so that I don’t go into it too much.",3.3578947368421046,5.4326904035087775,4.589333333333332,82.46400000000001,74.78947368421052,7.3670175438596495,27.18947368421053,8.238735603445708,1.9700273684210527,231,9,43,4,5,76,48,57,0.055,0.81,0.136,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,8,8,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,6,2,5,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,28,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681678732574781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675564973496359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296442595301646,0.0,0.5809379324535524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193046361404826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220407427754794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223887882762244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444237816696652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141269268173468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053928659184422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612822401630709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948145206816519
bpd,kim_yoseob,2019/07/18,"Off my meds and so quick to anger I’m 24 weeks pregnant and I’ve had to stop taking a lot of my medication for a few months now because the pills are not safe for my baby. 
I’ve been having such a hard time though.  I thought I had a good grasp on controlling my anger but I’m realizing I wasn’t as strong as I thought because it seems that the pills were doing most of the controlling.  
I’m so tired of wanting to jump at someone’s throat because they cut me off in traffic or because the happened to make a comment that insulted me.  
I don’t know if this anger is going to be affecting my child negatively and it’s freaking me out and causing me to jump between so many emotions.  
I love my child to death and would do anything for her.  But honestly, I can’t wait to get back on my normal medication and start feeling normal again.",2.6629066886870376,4.168675988439311,4.0986498761354255,87.68671965317921,75.242774566474,7.023781998348472,27.964079273327823,7.7094869923839395,1.5568368290668873,658,27,141,9,14,218,102,173,0.191,0.7120000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.9504,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,9,11,5,0,9,0,14,7,1,5,0,33,31,16,1,5,5,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,7,0,5,7,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,7,2,20,5,24,22,3,19,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,5,9,96,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892019423071754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204640775204808,0.0,0.3820009280981129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093592321531136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35142146211648706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622464354623255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921345473296451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184988403749204,0.0,0.0890351198447422,0.13140138331348536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853645937312625,0.0,0.14033916062619664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609781677311615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318917054433266,0.14139435753791518,0.0,0.10457368285049196,0.15883156190945785,0.0,0.0,0.17401713248306766,0.3156427213767898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504680892246925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30699270166168297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261999384544122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273994214569473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108867863810672,0.0,0.0,0.13097717499345565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779098200179375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392047526433228,0.24874564020610945,0.09135137988661048,0.18006092409056976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240382026740604,0.0,0.1256655052984458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128880862875004,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Own_Camp,2019/07/18,"What do you think caused your fear of abandonment? I think part of it for me was having social anxiety and depending on my parents as a social crutch while growing up, but I also have experienced important family member deaths from a young age, some of them still leaving me with a hole in my heart and wishing they were still here. Not sure if these things contributed to my fear of abandonment but that's what I think did it.",8.464146341463415,7.279195048780494,7.946463414634148,74.60310975609757,61.92682926829268,12.102439024390245,33.91463414634146,11.20814326018867,3.5882097560975605,342,11,65,8,4,108,62,82,0.191,0.742,0.066,-0.902,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,2,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,6,1,1,2,1,17,10,8,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,1,12,1,12,7,2,9,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,3,5,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617607441620734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939892888837214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062013453438332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410525216996013,0.43951877616194135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23142363855538806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678752966372416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685022732612466,0.2114837385924387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981540879706452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119231489733843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406173361138797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974426798550487,0.375408406588168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245777906615747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,danapher,2019/07/18,":’D I can’t fucking take this anymore I can’t handle being myself anymore, I can’t take this daily torture that goes inside of my head. I can’t handle these emotions that make me lash out and embarrass myself. I just want to be someone else who isn’t a huge cunt. I literally cried this morning because I couldn’t find something and I was in a rush. I hate the fucking mornings, rushing and panicking to get ready for work. I couldn’t handle the fact that I couldn’t find something I needed and panicked and smashed my head and arm with metal. Now my head hurts and my arm hurts when I move my fingers. My boyfriend can’t stand me and always threatens to kick me out. I’m losing my job in September, which I JUST got and it’s perfect for me. I can’t even afford the little bit of bills I have due soon, I fucking hate adulthood.

I just want to fucking kill myself because I know I’ll never be who I want to be. I’m stuck in this fucked it brain that tries to ruin my life. I don’t even have any friends I can talk to. No body fucking understand me, and I know how emo that sounds. god I just don’t want to be me anymore, I’m not a good person. Fuck you random people that decided to give birth to me. Fuck you parents for raising me to be this way. Fuck you boyfriend, for being so hot headed. Fuck you world for being allowing humanity to be this retarded. Putting people with conscious minds was an unfair mistake.

No I don’t feel better because I’m just gunna have another argument or meltdown today and probably 2 times tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Oh yeah, and I get to be broke. Nothing gives me happiness anymore. I knew this was all a mistake and I should have done it years ago when I wasn’t afraid of death.",2.344884922073213,4.134676991573034,3.6718557448350846,89.19123051830374,76.8370786516854,6.166582094961942,25.80971366437115,6.968188349444268,1.0738391808626322,1363,51,282,14,31,446,168,356,0.21899999999999997,0.687,0.094,-0.9941,3,0,2,1,0,1,33.0,0,4,0,4,13,29,15,2,10,1,34,20,9,3,4,55,69,20,2,11,7,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,20,19,0,0,9,0,1,4,18,24,0,0,8,4,53,5,28,47,2,30,0,5,0,10,13,8,11,2,16,179,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367325170168385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976858703195623,0.0,0.0,0.048847086148348096,0.07532036181938445,0.0,0.0,0.2849455356227947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131361303573932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352808781015756,0.07842011419014999,0.07978730132405076,0.0,0.0801864016676261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890224232106129,0.09264923825939572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350736441309125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000502190569711,0.08079945080530977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488650827834112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03631957205313144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130323679437775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055495933163442576,0.6640598069791194,0.07505676329511331,0.13781239157081426,0.0,0.06024787108734993,0.05744927505807505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646471974386107,0.0,0.14183515547250095,0.2948745579590432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379170332400496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128051685311868,0.0,0.07946961528824463,0.0,0.07895213939222856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073588488075161,0.0,0.0719928590739519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035976344934491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794730165416203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725281546682958,0.0,0.0,0.07634427089196191,0.0,0.053261277989372746,0.05539997708644832,0.0,0.15278473726746036,0.0,0.0,0.0689231369080388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975907860218381,0.0,0.0,0.09959621018749668,0.06271947170950701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744524246889288,0.0,0.0,0.07220931922315915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086160374321845,0.11059699148085217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801493439328373,0.05773449669272618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188484185078748,0.0,0.06808675196258197,0.0,0.0,0.048768077586976495,0.0,0.0,0.07477790459093606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946955385295376,0.05701557087149401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229333421639185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046256376126739496
bpd,tomkitty,2019/07/18,"do you ever see a picture of yourself and it just ruins your whole fucking day? i was starting to feel a little bit more confident lately but lol im still a fat useless ugly piece of shit. i mean im fat and ugly. sometimes i like to think of myself as like a six but i am definitely, definitely a two. why is the person in the mirror not the person in real life? why cant i see the real me? that actual real me, that other people see? i feel like going into my room, shutting the door, and never see or talk to anyone again so no one has to see my hobgoblin face. 

my confidence [vs reality](https://giphy.com/gifs/basketball-2017-xThtayDGYcDAb1qb60)",2.2464285714285697,4.851113801587303,4.7771428571428585,76.84285714285717,81.61904761904762,6.139682539682537,20.11111111111111,7.447530270364453,0.9118634920634924,513,14,92,8,14,180,83,126,0.158,0.652,0.191,0.5893,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,0,5,7,2,0,10,1,6,6,4,0,2,19,18,8,0,0,6,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,4,4,2,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,3,1,7,14,3,11,17,4,14,0,2,5,1,5,6,2,1,10,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.12687401419648536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909081704458904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194061332029553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384768268960656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760427677868025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147704223566833,0.0928813723274906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019500004223725,0.0,0.0,0.0738894311057835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808728795539646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666042036546234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183208532264978,0.19055347511932624,0.13030726462423164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162236180639734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027410450479164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810022966777539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013470143713463,0.22704481811862864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44395005512496577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180179706902254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345656115215845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285862633114204,0.0,0.09202392917685773,0.0,0.10382861586583902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044995911435876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330713375764986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700389025214054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346331699644297,0.14515496390716515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,orich4lcumplus,2019/07/18,"DAE notice their symptoms get ""worse"" as they age? I didn't get a proper diagnosis until the last 5 years or so, but ever since my late teens/early 20's, my BPD symptoms have surfaced, and it feels like every year they get worse and more noticeable. I used to get extremely irritated at things, but now when I'm mildly inconvenienced, I want to punch and throw things (which is something I feel on a daily basis). I'm more manipulative, overall emotionally impaired, more apathetic, even more angry than I thought I was as a teenager.

​

I don't have any hormone deficiencies or anything like that that could link directly to my anger and irritability (except my anxiety, but anxiety doesn't make your anger that bad generally). I've just noticed that my symptoms get worse, and some symptoms that I didn't have before arise and ones I've had for years go away. It's like the perfect example of the instability of BPD. Does/did anyone else see a spike in their symptoms/severity of symptoms before they got ""better""?",9.428134502923974,8.142945731578951,9.287543859649123,66.07669590643276,60.105263157894726,12.023391812865498,39.00584795321637,10.980518767755715,4.263146198830408,819,34,142,17,9,268,116,190,0.209,0.713,0.078,-0.9835,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,5,2,6,8,2,0,7,0,11,5,0,3,2,26,27,16,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,6,3,19,5,16,20,5,17,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,13,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941946767040382,0.12271036552371685,0.06867468284382068,0.0,0.15450969183265226,0.0,0.0,0.07061252000562009,0.1034732057715123,0.08310376877735914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488069348010912,0.0,0.08432000025758493,0.0,0.0,0.17186514769758288,0.0,0.0,0.08931487271906599,0.0,0.0,0.2543794042641765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806299723844448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436175365497456,0.11359688152447127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670101920084551,0.09134860272789094,0.08508597718856001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212421204397447,0.07214519585484483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638079269928951,0.0,0.05739328936629025,0.0,0.08076859963025951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231795529789215,0.113917833966892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801157044528465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740966542643875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449234071230158,0.0,0.0,0.06843146440416281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047363430420422,0.0,0.0,0.11408666462320707,0.0,0.08353756277633859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774479413533161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248212585558334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418266792576491,0.0,0.0,0.08017246751533083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872204198181804,0.0,0.0,0.059564800995447774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087434107614155,0.0,0.0,0.12271036552371685,0.19509712106639596
bpd,chookey05,2019/07/18,"I NEED HELP! I was diagnosed with BPD in 2015. I often internalise my feelings, have varied mood swings and am a massive people pleaser. How I view myself is marked by shame or self-hatred. I am two completely different people depending on if I am at work or not in an attempt to block out the world and be good at my job. 

Since being diagnosed I was housebound for six months and had very unstable relationships with my family, friends and partner causing me to isolate myself. I have been in contact with the crisis team on many occasions including having regular home visits from professionals. I have found it extremely hard to engage within my treatment and build relationships with professionals causing me to miss appointments.  

Since being diagnosed with BPD I have been on a variety of medication including PRN (prescribed as required or when needed) such as Diazepam and Risperidone. Most recently I have been on Venlafaxine and Quetiapine. Although, I have continued to experience varied mood swings whilst on this medication I feel I have been a lot more stable and able to hold down a job for a year and a half which is something that has been difficult in the past.  In early May I was hospitalised due to having urine retention. The doctors believed this was due to side effects of my medication. My psychiatrist - of whom I have been under the care of for a year and a half – chose to take me off the Quetiapine and to only take it as a PRN. Quetiapine makes me feel extremely tired and zombified and is not something I am able to take at work. 

Since being off Quetiapine, my concentration and focus has declined massively. I have had so many thoughts in my head that I often shout out or talk to myself to try and release them from my head. I’m constantly replaying conversations in my head some of which are not true which is making me question reality as I truly believe what’s been said. I have had conversations with members of the public which I do not recall and truly believe have not happened. When I am reminded of the conversation, I often will make up additional things that have been said which I truly believe have happened. Members of the public have noticed my behaviour and have offered me help including to ring the crisis team. I don’t feel I am in control and am scared by my thoughts and feelings. I feel extremely paranoid and feel like people are tricking me or trying to mess with my head. I feel very confused a lot of the time and don’t know what’s real and in my head. I have had to take time off work as a result. My psychiatrist has now suggested I take 50mg of Quetiapine twice a day as well as having 25mg PRN in the middle of the day if needed. I will also be starting DBT therapy in a week and a half with a CPN (community practice nurse). 

I don’t understand what is happening to me and am absolutely terrified. 

Can anyone help? / Has anyone else had a similar experience?",7.201569343065696,7.525216301094892,7.841304744525551,69.34582572992703,63.9087591240876,11.302554744525551,35.9206204379562,11.01651812556555,4.175252554744525,2335,103,403,61,32,778,230,548,0.083,0.843,0.07400000000000001,-0.7229,3,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,9,11,16,1,3,30,0,68,14,6,10,1,88,101,44,0,5,12,0,9,1,2,3,8,4,1,1,17,35,0,4,15,2,0,1,8,7,1,6,22,14,60,7,78,71,5,52,0,1,1,0,24,31,0,18,21,312,77,11,0.13589854856806344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433901009554353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502342495743044,0.06962206137772378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062222539958589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711594645672536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927881371430948,0.13960524435747812,0.0,0.0,0.07124352129776435,0.07342902607910537,0.0762108889536088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764332121998443,0.0,0.0,0.20690124923191536,0.0,0.07099252936100017,0.0,0.06954896148698908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056762899603871125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329348573865328,0.06405652846443849,0.0,0.2748575578020714,0.04854297512541923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450287203072298,0.052497440756380236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699262743796316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802619565303344,0.0,0.06086920316085021,0.0,0.34867779390761044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663489873007073,0.0,0.06815866235206545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485833996375785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734314411946254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03319658316475966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155360862144815,0.0,0.0,0.1360700046580595,0.13777979812738406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535523564483654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423646245962357,0.0,0.0,0.15115057769844406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773606991371277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516784850045731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486527092475528,0.14132241353107902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611873812007551,0.0,0.0,0.07734115012453452,0.0,0.0,0.06709171089395202,0.14590418255006254,0.0,0.0,0.12927064014271344,0.0,0.06802907740505579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088591226432113,0.0,0.0,0.16862502556853062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462134209006534,0.0,0.0,0.04809484607123305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554469893503433,0.05461505279674095,0.0,0.0,0.07770591698176378,0.0,0.045142478540692615,0.0,0.0,0.1078882675478616,0.07924353653721572,0.07809769504744651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922661938627013,0.0,0.06637656755978401,0.07073759088954114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213053501601837,0.0,0.0,0.05450480919360831,0.0,0.06109455796112975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484036428521779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751420966889857
bpd,alecccod,2019/07/18,"controlling anger i have bpd “episodes” at least once a week. every time it happens i get irrationally angry and i don’t know how to control it. it used to lead to self harm but i’ve been clean from that for around 4 months now (the longest time i’ve been clean since i started in 2013). now when the anger hits i tend to not know how to cope anymore. i usually end up punching the wall until my knuckles bleed, or taking some sort of drug to get me out of my head. i’ve no idea how to cope with the intense rage that comes along with bpd.
how do you guys cope with your anger? have you found anything that helps besides self destructive behaviours?",4.184418999151824,5.0575050839694695,4.138575063613232,91.31607294317223,70.6793893129771,7.348939779474131,26.769296013570823,7.3871296695380915,1.085635453774386,510,16,112,5,9,156,86,131,0.215,0.706,0.08,-0.9693,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,3,8,6,5,0,5,0,6,3,1,8,0,25,18,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,6,8,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,3,0,12,0,21,14,2,19,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,11,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240393657790989,0.0,0.0,0.13475888395538246,0.14577934200211126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124949460681346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106302005926044,0.0,0.0,0.367337051540858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990729456174066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504098532377907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797318093842345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955219863496752,0.0,0.0,0.1711135961373196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621461696554209,0.14481066184900648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806295597701135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976353800666702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486285347974252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999423237877268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071007620743114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439692945285734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416706242963546,0.0,0.0,0.13546231288561095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590875787364495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312563884415985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097721772390294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143433692287746,0.18035630551432846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135679283418888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cloudymoth,2019/07/18,"s/o deservingly called me an a-hole, and i can’t cope 
cw suicide and self harm 

i got into a fight with my s/o of two years.  i hardly even remember what it was about now, but i remember that i was PISSED. kept calling everything (not him) retarded, kept ranting for minutes at a time, etc. It just felt like I blacked out and lost control of everything, like my anger was the only thing that existed.  He finally snapped, calling me an asshole and telling me that all i do is walk all over him (which is probably true, i’m sure i’m a shitty person) and went through and told me every single thing i did wrong, demanding that i tell him why i acted the way i did.  i couldn’t give him an answer and just started sobbing and apologizing, to which he accused me of  only apologizing because i was called out, not because i meant it.  I’ve been crying basically non stop for 14 hours, i just can’t handle how terrible i feel.  I took over 20 advil (not enough to kill me) before stopping because i wouldn’t want him to be traumatized from finding the body, and instead turned to self harm.  i just feel stuck, i’ve tried for so long to get better but it really feels like i’m only going backwards.",4.782,5.0854148666666665,5.842500000000001,81.67250000000001,69.08333333333334,9.066666666666668,31.0,9.029198982220553,2.4333250000000004,928,36,191,16,15,309,137,240,0.281,0.6409999999999999,0.079,-0.9955,0,0,0,0,1,2,31.0,0,0,0,3,10,16,4,0,9,0,15,3,2,2,4,44,37,13,2,3,9,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,13,0,5,9,0,0,5,7,10,0,1,17,6,32,6,21,17,5,22,0,2,1,0,21,7,2,0,12,119,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008210291263945,0.0,0.0930980561844901,0.0,0.0,0.0967623878360898,0.0,0.12152750163335373,0.0,0.0,0.4468707532202077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271025186417345,0.0,0.0,0.12017942985192358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304759702306925,0.1220187181065734,0.07226287954611756,0.0,0.09218086611430187,0.0,0.19665751388121727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595974968810556,0.07816101853243683,0.1050487319231668,0.11985099576500582,0.0999968294402218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716110692160727,0.10495401751776047,0.062179025237130564,0.0,0.08750348429632471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800797961018644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774473318563246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210436202437762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160353506058326,0.0,0.0,0.09682253985349018,0.0,0.0,0.11943163620990407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24962889153793785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955307495570427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796021013931475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008949593308958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478756233296332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827258065107914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774394677165119,0.0,0.0,0.1829397901324232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967447412618552,0.0,0.10311564160929898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125463655222094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537148136071254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379662053941385,0.0,0.0,0.1045439275416327,0.12155619151498015,0.0742807756404251,0.11900436713832288,0.10687561101798077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645316082286782,0.08684289062579745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014222102130309,0.0987236034866716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962035266194684,0.0,0.07045509413163796
bpd,cruzomega,2019/07/18,"How do you handle living after your FP breakups with you ? I can't seem to handle the pain probably, I've been taking pills sun up and sun down to sleep. I am an only child with no one. I want to end it all because I thought this person was my everything, until I wasn't their everything ( like always). Sex and everything wasn't going to make them stay. I hate being crazy. I hate me. I don't know how to survive like this, 23 and it seems like I actually can't see a long future for myself.

Please somebody help me",1.0851316907391677,3.193216289719629,2.9812064570943093,91.01415463041631,82.3644859813084,5.760067969413765,19.073067119796097,6.980632752743323,0.23953084112149536,401,10,86,5,11,134,71,107,0.2,0.741,0.057999999999999996,-0.9364,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,2,1,2,6,2,0,3,0,10,4,1,3,1,14,21,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,5,1,18,3,12,15,1,9,0,0,1,1,8,2,0,2,8,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.17215705066992215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467926562155656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754185787285916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625265132135205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756553107353642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026155959052548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483495302544829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824825785392593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695389192562193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585645648496898,0.0,0.1557789971264473,0.15612304651295494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775938026475816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954438266182915,0.1341726940287792,0.1877195888971463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404007867465586,0.0,0.19365233455801892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020681963234332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058110574153784,0.3212059024948794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654390081647134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803651063773602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326432488864311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005499106362473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405501950565227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brokenforyou,2019/07/18,"Tired I’m tired of being me. I’m tired of having to try so hard to keep my emotions in check. I’m tired of the fact that people without BPD can do it so easily. I’m tired of feeling sad all the time. I’m tired of being obsessed with someone who no longer talks to me other than about work. I’m tired of the fact I can’t get memories of him out of my head and that I think about him constantly. It exhausts me and it hurts. I’m tired of having to work hard to stay alive. If I didn’t have children, I know I would not have made it this far. I just can’t. I can’t move forward and I’m tired of everything being so hard.",0.5925299760191862,1.9071187985611504,2.6800179856115096,96.47935551558756,80.43884892086331,5.784412470023981,19.49700239808153,6.42735559955562,-0.17805083932853716,479,11,120,4,12,162,69,139,0.29,0.662,0.048,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,3,0,14,11,1,1,3,18,28,7,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,1,10,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,7,4,0,0,2,4,14,0,22,22,1,8,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,73,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935663964882944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383006151602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766964644041197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803527440557456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390277069882389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536396881990728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334210115469145,0.0,0.08911042566838802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295101104905776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717658407968435,0.0,0.0,0.04771831654359674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215861267743843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922842651955123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019549971482301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356895696877641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254693708684067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697889382067822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563578140710768,0.0,0.0,0.050630018570746914,0.8981625836083132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058950411766729015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836989505687591,0.0,0.12642342028814016,0.0,0.0,0.061680014626859285,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aishbay,2019/07/18,"What do you do for enjoyment/pleasure when alone? I struggle immensely with being alone. I hate to be left with my thoughts. I try to cram each day as full as possible to avoid myself. 

I also hate being alone as I hold the belief that other people are all out there having fun together with their friend groups, and no one invited me. That I have no friends to do that with. So I try to fill my time completely to avoid these thoughts.

So that said: what do you do when you are alone? What do you do for fun or enjoyment or pleasure? How do you have make time alone valuable?",2.7094782608695667,4.583372513043482,3.362826086956524,91.43554347826091,76.04347826086956,7.034782608695654,23.67391304347826,7.908726449838941,1.0748434782608696,449,14,96,7,10,141,62,115,0.209,0.625,0.166,-0.2869,0,7,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,1,0,7,12,2,3,1,0,16,0,0,2,1,18,22,12,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,1,17,7,16,16,3,9,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,5,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7568310140851329,0.0,0.1168752369043364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323435989972564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425396149707016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582858298246786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885835983973746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879122700835252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755553761482746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099034289185178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013212578605786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476094574101993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902108876192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278658140205484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320518317629213,0.17044121874211485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845104367937375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BelleTristesse,2019/07/18,"Am I supposed to know how to help someone when they're upset Theres this guy I talk to and we're more than friends but not dating and hes not doing so great mentally and yesterday he got mad at me and I said I dont know how to help him so could he please tell me(like does he need reassurance, alone time, whatever) and he flipped out saying he shouldnt have to tell me I should know and know hes not talking to me. In my mind its unreasonable for me to know what to do because I'm not him we are different people but I wanted to check with you guys to see if that's right. I tell him what he could to to better help me when we're having issues(not that he listens but that's another story). I just have no idea what to do here.",0.8437735849056622,2.597594886792457,2.7188427672956017,94.4495849056604,81.26415094339623,6.001006289308176,20.662893081761005,7.0316486544052195,0.2573828930817608,573,16,136,7,15,191,87,159,0.068,0.76,0.172,0.9615,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,1,9,6,1,1,0,0,15,0,0,2,0,33,27,16,0,7,9,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,2,8,9,0,0,6,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,2,4,21,4,19,21,1,9,0,0,1,0,29,4,0,1,5,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206743247010035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539598395818545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950375319935916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298556455643133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23445719166500603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340189635082205,0.0,0.0,0.12848840250351606,0.0,0.1720789523286892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343738613175405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743014715256918,0.1618761587245471,0.0,0.2907616036850889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952430736241637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574865707219175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034585874872748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479660516548115,0.0,0.14825238206735436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886960201853424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179064580304062,0.0,0.0,0.16117083247020014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538858268832268,0.13966512757658395,0.11676191060795307,0.0,0.0,0.1170012945811226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440517441312635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602631836703716,0.3849971283066113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085615408323742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660176576081682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ethhereal,2019/07/18,"I feel fucking insane So yesterday was going so well. I went to a new school and got accepted. My parents were proud of me. I was proud of myself.
And then I got home and started having the biggest crisis of my life. I stopped talking and moving and just cried and cried and cried. Then I ran into the bathroom with a knife and slit my wrists. My mom was screaming and the neighbors were there trying to get me to talk and get up but I was barely conscious. Everyone was crying and in panic. 
The ambulance came and I spent the night in the hospital.
My parents don't understand. No one understands. I don't understand myself. Wtf went so wrong that I tried to kill myself yesterday. Everything was going so well. Like, Wtf is wrong with me. This fucking disorder is a nightmare.",1.568200000000001,4.283216420000001,2.9110000000000014,87.5505,88.13333333333333,5.933333333333334,23.5,7.365786028017652,1.4098000000000006,613,24,113,11,20,198,81,150,0.231,0.628,0.141,-0.9529,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,3,1,9,0,13,4,1,0,0,25,31,19,1,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,16,0,1,6,0,1,7,3,7,2,1,15,2,21,6,13,16,0,20,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,9,83,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280072262574713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101725029344201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330739377147384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109495968782376,0.10435360714522812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870950696323585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468658168555854,0.12132702337092847,0.0,0.13197778094943105,0.0,0.18573008564753216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646938855055987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846026724394202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201304746473742,0.05672625620491217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598848693244478,0.0,0.1234082410711763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214129390489486,0.0,0.10896285843819713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868021609235352,0.0,0.0,0.13623192927205566,0.25785635214677344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751112457189465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218437864017239,0.0,0.0,0.09707448555583867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866521902098392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576642911148709,0.0,0.0,0.3626287697323705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087965216437054,0.21527320815748852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538995849565792,0.0,0.0
bpd,fluoxetine_alien,2019/07/18,Feeling like I never done a good work on relationship and taking all blames to myself Have you ever feel like that too?,3.979130434782608,6.168375826086957,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,73.34782608695652,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.599973913043478,96,2,17,1,2,31,22,23,0.185,0.58,0.235,0.1012,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,3,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332363161389147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29455430988732817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293003494646292,0.4652655375586078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731260843952277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181763390347522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25114877163492033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496087114088777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448360046139405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370652000929039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,msemmygee,2019/07/18,"Anyone else experience these symptoms? Hi there, I'm new to Reddit and thought this might be a good place to get answers to the questions about my Borderline Personality Disorder. I was recently diagnosed with BDP a couple months ago but I'm pretty sure I've had it my whole life. I always struggle to have relationships with anyone because i was too emotional. Being diagnosed honestly has been a relief though because i now i know I'm not an evil person or absolutely bat shit crazy haha but anwho. 

So about 3 weekends ago i had the BIGGEST emotional breakdown I've ever experienced in my life. I was absolutely hysterical to the point that i just couldn't get the suicidal voices to stop, i tried everything. I feel confident enough to say that had i been alone i probably would have acted upon at LEAST self harming. I don't know if this triggered the following symptoms but my friend picked me up to take me home, i was already had major uncomfortable anxiety, then about 5 minutes down the road i began to experience a tingling/ numbing sensation running through the back of my head, neck, my legs (couldn't walk) lost function of my own body, my wrists began to turn inwards on there own to the point that i was going to involuntarily snap them. My vision went tunneled, eyes were repetitively twitching. Was i about to have a seizure or something? I'm scared its going to happen again and i won't be near to the hospital.  The doctors said i was just hyperventilating but doesnt that have to do more with breathing? i was breathing just fine. 

​

A huge thanks in advance for replying to me.",5.9972571428571415,7.450644706666669,6.6587619047619055,72.76700000000002,66.93333333333334,9.58095238095238,33.95238095238096,9.842372674337009,3.515038095238096,1292,59,222,29,21,424,176,300,0.114,0.7090000000000001,0.177,0.9703,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,16,15,2,2,17,1,31,19,9,2,2,31,53,12,1,4,11,0,1,0,1,3,10,3,1,3,9,5,0,1,6,1,0,8,6,7,0,0,21,6,33,8,36,24,7,37,0,1,1,0,10,14,1,5,15,155,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224571269713056,0.0,0.0,0.11230802743263056,0.1196629241675998,0.0,0.09022826935784588,0.11749144243874697,0.13176282205097087,0.0,0.0,0.08295400695453595,0.0,0.0,0.15164334110426705,0.11110651933051388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338135833671584,0.0,0.13220437547156527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204490598272462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998347620128262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012254154685254,0.0,0.0,0.12427819468287417,0.11098986270957716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905851978136261,0.2439540559099911,0.0,0.11204440636193404,0.0,0.0,0.0980874731687895,0.0,0.0,0.0974561820846944,0.2121443836858541,0.0,0.0,0.054829004547480895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377815595772535,0.0,0.11330771216155197,0.0,0.1232544902203682,0.090951809481454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589047954753648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128764441126474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877115078618946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918827687278916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318451763571114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183717932300889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150345191229677,0.0,0.0,0.08655337755651316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047291287477878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936600874842435,0.11329358366705575,0.0,0.2050160268063272,0.0,0.0,0.11031941115568193,0.11691342467625745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147425515697935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070684539619393,0.11642075484487295,0.0,0.0,0.10314841728084637,0.08623345345311001,0.10856435236432486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312343853950972,0.0,0.11130902055412614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348009910428618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065818613190567,0.0,0.11336189490187598,0.0,0.1186124761892001,0.0,0.10220058767269646,0.2254151222010451,0.08153112762977317,0.0,0.0,0.09983421913684627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653880034229203,0.08608686418237481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362160390757395,0.11794831576800395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052218388078923,0.0,0.12106603618127745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703053243870442,0.0,0.13176282205097087,0.0
bpd,Elegant_Carrot,2019/07/18,I want to make an iPhone group chat with a bunch of you so we can all talk and support each other. Who’s game?,-1.2493333333333323,0.6402158000000036,0.4040000000000017,107.00866666666668,91.0,3.333333333333334,12.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.9712666666666667,85,1,23,0,3,27,25,25,0.0,0.833,0.16699999999999998,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041985302353259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6871526087105672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867051513221187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357159538825968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,macybaby96,2019/07/18,"Suicial thoughts Once they start I can’t get them to fucking stop. It’s 6:30 AM here, I’ve been up since 4 and all I can think about is blowing my fucking brains out. 

I got divorced a year ago. Lost my best friend around the same time and dropped out of college because I was too fucking depressed to go and developed a drinking problem. I lost my job two months ago and I’ve gained 40 FUCKING pounds in the past year. I’m in debt. And basically I just hate my fucking life. I feel useless and I just want it all to stop.",1.1978482068390301,3.276250853211013,2.1314261884904084,97.43048373644704,81.75229357798165,4.6975813177648025,26.42285237698081,5.565023196281405,0.4886807339449542,409,18,93,2,11,128,73,109,0.21600000000000005,0.687,0.09699999999999999,-0.9159999999999999,2,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,2,4,6,13,6,0,4,0,6,8,1,0,2,21,23,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,1,2,3,1,1,1,1,11,0,1,6,1,14,2,11,17,4,18,0,4,0,5,4,6,5,0,10,52,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835723071571406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470707214660927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539569522766396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701259541878847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638334879246382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065667169092313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372318644726226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083216338751099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108230818342928,0.6475405695614264,0.07318964156956283,0.0,0.07961463336410883,0.0,0.11204031896231507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830684584917916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901466704233967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989475449277354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30584287523533193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181605486772496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918801364263007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372883045482128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404427747100225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588136010332516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915425349061577,0.0,0.0,0.2342379003780604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976205137152464,0.0,0.1112133783863234,0.0816858182440848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684457989348686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262690368543349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804227861897884
bpd,bleucarebear,2019/07/18,how do you make the feeling of emptiness go away? i haven’t been able to stop crying since yesterday and it seems like everything my partner is doing isn’t helping. i know this isn’t about him so it’s not his fault. i had really bad separation anxiety from my mother when i was ten and last night i felt rejected by her which made me dwell in those feelings of neglect again. but i had already been feeling so empty that i just wanna isolate myself and im afraid it’s gonna make things worse,2.554774477447744,4.499946237623764,3.85795379537954,87.39097909790979,76.72277227722772,6.865126512651265,25.083608360836077,7.793537801064563,1.3585832783278329,394,14,80,6,9,129,78,101,0.223,0.688,0.08900000000000001,-0.93,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,2,1,0,11,0,0,4,0,19,22,8,0,1,3,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,7,4,15,1,9,14,0,9,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,1,7,56,23,0,0.22126920632193534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441760713836267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927033719582985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078897030763245,0.0,0.18475054485789347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430538331431603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19886249512136894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33564107733639603,0.0,0.2124531377142766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575238910361655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831208484290184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390087128141305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160376910487368,0.18036393555994146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081009574695734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937027308740255,0.295397826806875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764616094602587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175071949167428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143517514528764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303617400239175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499096426433528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700142868856825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254922247992004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,listeningsparrowlot,2019/07/18,"Counselling I’ve managed to finally get counselling sessions and was wondering if you guys could help me with getting diagnosed? I’ve been referred with anxiety and depression but I just feel like BPD is a more accurate diagnosis however I’m not 100%, I’m not a professional. Should I mention it to the counsellor or wait a while?",4.423661202185791,7.218150737704921,5.784836065573771,71.69616120218579,74.40983606557377,10.624043715846994,38.03551912568307,10.504223727775694,5.252899453551913,269,17,44,10,6,90,47,61,0.065,0.84,0.096,0.4137,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,16,12,6,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,8,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,28,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236271572668119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889893325589742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465938563917821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660144933864198,0.3134791252427522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616527287657925,0.22064452634512824,0.0,0.33833318307625715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227257167035808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058128634663958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070175443142156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088989394944494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33493772372931946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,degeneratenews,2019/07/18,"Black Balloon Birthday Every single friend forgot my 40th birthday.

Not a single one even texted me.

This is what I get for deleting Facebook?

I get the logic, but still.  

My family mostly forgot too.  Luckily the ones that count stepped up.

I always looked forward to a black balloon birthday.",2.9244230769230763,5.993562211538468,3.283461538461537,83.09903846153847,90.34615384615385,4.138461538461539,25.73076923076923,5.985473137389443,1.3121846153846155,233,10,34,2,8,72,40,52,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.7615,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,3,6,1,3,4,3,4,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30191467144460715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396545609825479,0.0,0.3057111083639477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420563473048657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803318140780925,0.0,0.3791412706113306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046969664607773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917439869933684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897671079996392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GothicChick0005,2019/07/18,"I think I might have BPD I have a lot of the symptoms. I am terrified of abandonment, I feel like everyone hates me or thinks negatively about me, I self harm in a few ways (but I stopped cutting, only because my bf threatened to leave me and the fear of abandonment was worse than the need to self harm.), I experience extreme anger which is when I feel the need to self harm. I have super unstable relationships and no clue what a normal one is like. Im so tired of living this way. I want help and to be normal. Ive already been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and I have no friends. I want therapy but I have no health insurance. How do you all deal with this, im so miserable",2.6821739130434783,4.54928642028986,4.3718115942028986,84.20163043478264,76.10144927536231,8.657971014492754,27.44202898550725,9.2995712137729,2.424611594202898,538,22,112,14,12,181,84,138,0.303,0.614,0.083,-0.9781,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,5,14,3,2,7,0,14,4,0,1,1,26,23,11,0,6,3,0,2,2,2,1,4,0,0,3,4,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,2,2,20,4,13,19,3,5,0,3,0,0,10,1,0,3,4,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495870490140985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369832753580564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263237143463491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072533424194633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397500716652296,0.0,0.13758430875948993,0.0,0.0,0.15535646089822325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295275168458363,0.0,0.13259768028079807,0.0,0.15253577233686832,0.1370802033744545,0.09683970061882584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047285716000602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383136735046872,0.0,0.14408740836958442,0.0,0.0,0.09085889120528276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928428476707922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353195930481638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244953227268913,0.0,0.11969653683578567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524303950029692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380121804694962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102293077919356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26562799287141897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185479985583746,0.10309481450914923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145534109937401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242366997923016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818008379079286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332909192030695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089235729347407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501764606275462,0.0,0.0,0.17371487286079926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579921477566758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599063507270732,0.2151926801103693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814095825279105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd1990,2019/07/18,"How to tell her about BPD? I've been seeing her for 4 months now and we're deeply in love. All the ""facts"" of the relationship tell me there's absolutely nothing to worry about but like always, few months in and my symptoms start to kick in.

There's been two minor incidents when we've been partying and I've been away from her some time during the summer, having to watch her party and have a good time with her friends on social media. This has been one of my worst struggles always (jealousy etc.). But still the relationship is ""intact"" and not toxicated yet with all the bpd related bullshit.

I'm thinking about explaining to her in more detail about what's happening in me to make her understand better in case something would come up in the future. So far, I've been able to keep the shit in my head which I'm really proud of. Not gonna drink either when I'm with her, because I need all the control I can get if something would come up. She knows that I've had a hard time in the past and that I've done a lot of therapy before but she doesn't know the specifics.

Any tips from anyone on how to bring this up and what things to talk about? Thanks for all the help!",3.9152521008403376,4.987591449579835,4.446470588235297,88.11911764705883,71.47899159663866,7.616806722689077,23.663865546218492,7.928766900206844,0.9744134453781508,927,23,198,12,17,294,133,238,0.06,0.769,0.171,0.9835,0,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,15,10,1,1,14,0,16,5,2,4,5,39,37,16,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,8,12,1,2,5,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,8,3,17,7,40,26,11,33,0,0,2,1,20,16,1,3,15,131,25,0,0.1251355601495582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082456208903012,0.0,0.0,0.0850964719829001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749769320326606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756897797125733,0.0,0.0,0.07628147600089323,0.0,0.10648114501776916,0.0,0.0,0.11067223391885188,0.0,0.0,0.31520771486083504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558640961823167,0.0,0.0,0.1403501712003827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805712417150975,0.0,0.12258520934126667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955922765821285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667942335937048,0.0,0.06537816539836502,0.0,0.0,0.10495777083701092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065696257372057,0.0,0.11209688276509297,0.0,0.1284251863234239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387572822384858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122623549261007,0.0,0.0,0.13754246256115746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611349138477821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063857783491765,0.11293972865343388,0.0,0.08352895809337935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997640204969908,0.0,0.0,0.09278643226397212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200709448882215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479509409109184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945605154652272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016504411095325,0.0,0.0,0.2686975218491202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971684008360944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844985424720265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755994487979505,0.0,0.1926709355469232,0.0,0.0,0.08857159354305072,0.0,0.09993341997962993,0.0,0.0,0.13081885731131698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006376054562405,0.0,0.10057922319744264,0.21874799028758388,0.11520801129298795,0.14310341870322513,0.0,0.08313450582439108,0.08018181419137572,0.0,0.0,0.21890265431017566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222392593580726,0.130270531258245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708123555651507,0.0,0.17778542323125698,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElectroFlannelGore,2019/07/18,"I need some help with reading and resources for managing my symptoms/becoming more self aware and being in a relationship with someone with BPD That's pretty much it. I'm diagnosed BPD. Unfortunately I have to find a new therapist because my insurance won't cover the one I've been seeing for 3 years. Just need some resources I can use on my own. Specifically All I can seem to find is explanations of how I act as someone with BPD and advice telling loved ones to run as far away as possible or helping family members deal with someone like me. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I don't want or expect someone else to ""fix me"" I'm just looking for help finding some resources to help my self. Thanks.",4.834388489208632,6.1822339136690685,5.705820143884893,78.91211151079139,69.57553956834533,8.725467625899281,32.605035971223025,9.120678840339163,2.8892238848920866,570,26,107,11,10,187,91,139,0.026000000000000002,0.79,0.184,0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,2,1,29,22,10,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,6,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,3,13,5,21,19,7,8,0,0,2,1,13,4,0,8,3,66,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148149065877398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990073514831185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098421101629532,0.0,0.1103905667490752,0.0,0.0,0.0716239565359941,0.1297641686564944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439431075390723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113234662241652,0.0,0.1192551100680878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815212617381258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076397625869702,0.0,0.059409081198908364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32216533188986674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31501810545246595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740219830321604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866633911365064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604396559088332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637245881265974,0.17424233876981826,0.0,0.1134775538060378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923551698382907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245813439807325,0.0,0.11953481390471067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162146472946434,0.0,0.1175269518398278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614582619000028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362842716849744,0.10696317719653298,0.2451461448611044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982130575092946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026959451368672,0.10817375365613878,0.0,0.1364209320334139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147809024856773,0.0,0.0,0.06930168719268298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566302822237628
bpd,ca_kelly,2019/07/18,"Failing Today my therapist said something to me that really struck a chord. I’ve been stuck in such a rut of negativity and constantly feeling shame and feeling like I’m a failure since I was fired from a job a year ago and wasn’t accepted into a grad program. He told me that just because we fail at things that doesn’t make us a failure. He said that others don’t view me as only a list of my accomplishments and failures. I don’t know, I just felt like it was the first time I realized that just because I fucked something up that doesn’t mean I have no value anymore.",6.6769230769230745,5.598241948717952,7.244059829059832,77.85788461538465,65.41025641025641,10.193162393162394,34.884615384615394,9.2995712137729,2.9392461538461543,456,18,93,7,6,151,74,117,0.292,0.61,0.098,-0.9794,1,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,0,4,4,7,1,1,9,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,21,5,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,9,7,13,3,9,12,0,10,0,2,1,1,7,4,1,0,8,60,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453118522823052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952620634593104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24004474294583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276824093997865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991070909057253,0.14065831972634038,0.18904536300999436,0.0,0.0,0.16747461007961903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202171567661704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538303381051714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082056444124222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923811054656896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142566403554815,0.0,0.0,0.21447102845473096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497437857478941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613283339345427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745751261731188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286951715807688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30315122111659304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860456993837355,0.13080502716223585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480819490049085,0.0,0.1866287836852492,0.18813691865460747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23683453598389526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679076274581366
bpd,gexwht,2019/07/18,"Finally got deleted, now feel empty ... Ugh To start off, I've never been diagnosed but I've thought for a few years that symptoms line up etc,

So my current fp is my ex boyfriend, we were separated by distance but kept in contact almost every day after our relationship ended 6 months ago, he kept saying he didn't love me the same, he didn't want to be with me, we wouldn't be together etc and my brain just kept that hope that we might cause he still spoke to me all the time

I've been getting worse and worse with him, annoyed by everything he did to the point where I wanted him to hate me

I've been doing a good job at that and he finally actively chose to remove me from his Instagram... And now I feel kinda empty... Why am I so mean that I push people away? Why is that an accomplishment? Why can't I deal with my emotions normally instead of lashing out?",3.99401515151515,4.765854613636363,5.148181818181818,84.2756060606061,71.04545454545455,8.366666666666665,27.734848484848484,8.59863814320734,1.8432893939393933,676,23,142,11,12,224,110,176,0.141,0.802,0.057,-0.9416,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,4,0,0,1,9,6,2,0,6,0,16,4,1,1,2,33,32,8,0,5,3,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,6,11,0,3,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,13,4,21,3,21,15,5,25,0,0,0,1,20,8,0,4,15,90,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236848832731517,0.0,0.13971909139454852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109298250475054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576157122963633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433356955122863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998527571002579,0.14384925328472292,0.0,0.1416199637174968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156952415249828,0.12358212236917188,0.0,0.3112255580591561,0.0,0.0,0.11756000203895935,0.0,0.12540052348925398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110107179601095,0.0,0.0,0.3056964834553529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289864078648245,0.0,0.0,0.11703110338713398,0.11159484853978784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775694015782206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858472490100848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846194706583134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259312288661341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198902181984075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801922883474286,0.0,0.0,0.1113714761154634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761410036628352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367097274826666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673249992950372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319009042589921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498029503133387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095981777644988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876001784752823,0.0,0.11142879952764648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502504470080507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077119586560867,0.08136103680553933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459676101402382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777122362723992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843858819665161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985271411422949
bpd,IllegitimatePigeon,2019/07/18,"just got “dumped” the guy i’ve been seeing this summer just a) called things off with me and then b) told me that the friend he had feelings for months prior confessed them back to him and by saturday they might be dating and i’m not handling things too well. it’s been nearly 6 months since my last attempt and things were just starting to get bad again before this happened and I’m so in my head that i don’t know how to react. he said that “if my mental health was better”  he would have considered us and that he doesn’t want to be like all the guys who hurt me before and that he’ll leave if he wants me to but i don’t know what i want. before we starting doing anything he told me he wanted this to be platonic, that it was just sex and nothing else. but even after two months of spending everyday and night together i feel like i don’t have the right to be upset because he made it clear from the beginning that he never wanted anything more with me. i just feel like i’m never going to be enough and i want to deal with this in a “healthy” way but i don’t know how. i just feel so lost",3.764285714285713,4.117390623376622,4.412536796536799,90.85594805194808,71.33766233766234,7.19896103896104,23.62510822510823,6.742157984588678,0.5230401731601733,858,19,194,6,15,274,122,231,0.064,0.8290000000000001,0.107,0.7943,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,2,3,15,11,1,1,7,0,21,3,1,4,4,50,51,20,0,9,12,0,4,3,1,3,1,1,0,2,19,14,0,0,8,0,1,1,8,5,1,1,12,6,23,6,21,31,3,26,1,2,1,1,25,5,0,3,22,129,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151107081761486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480271006521944,0.0920837512140936,0.06722899186407126,0.0,0.28153440680642194,0.0,0.0,0.09753852578340197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261378377374193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369946508696135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921293490490773,0.0,0.0,0.11395435978352,0.0,0.07284250520699724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305456608313431,0.15757590716544115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520627165596678,0.0,0.057619600197603926,0.0,0.06267776759035945,0.0,0.08820535592437358,0.0,0.0,0.21839988592421525,0.09752506672110517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318469776827865,0.11722828519639596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806286429373138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183001131978824,0.08989736827499732,0.0,0.11677637657985901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616397128564389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203896057995871,0.0,0.0,0.10435476741590513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114180274320937,0.1169954431934624,0.0,0.0,0.2640864023508624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701178889436816,0.0,0.0,0.10349543185284173,0.0,0.1058218718382831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418317896261168,0.10490672614171297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788323171163302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122927092301714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561212303134737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198062744207831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076496353709076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773286784274766,0.0,0.13265982747545926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902953248974935,0.08753946358535625,0.0,0.0,0.09915987193536792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834362546828988,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adubiouscatharsis,2019/07/18,"Personal story--I've wondered for a while if I have BPD Hello everyone. I have only posted once before on reddit, a version of this post on another subreddit, but I'm gonna share here too because I am curious if it sounds like I could be BPD to anyone out there who has more personal experience with the condition than I. 

I'm 30, and I believe I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and PTSD of various sorts since adolescence or earlier. As a child I suffered from vivid, recurrent nightmares, which sometimes escalated into night terrors, so I assume that anxiety and depression were manifesting in that way, subconsciously. I'm an only child and grew up with my parents in an unhappy, combative, low-communication marriage. My dad is a withdrawn alcoholic whom I've either had volatile or distant relations with my whole life. My parents each were only physically abusive on a handful of occasions, although verbal abuse was ubiquitous in the house. I would often instigate fights with my dad to hold his attention as a child, because otherwise he'd be alone in his room drinking. I also instigated fights at school up until third grade, when I moved to a new school and was the outsider which seemed to humble me.

I knew consistent feelings of outsider loneliness, weirdness, and resentment all through elementary school. In junior high and high school I blossomed somewhat; I embraced my oddness and expressed myself through flamboyant dress, music, writing, drama, and basically any other creative outlet I could find. Meanwhile I was always anxious and lonely and insecure. I experimented with cutting myself at ages 14/15, which ended in a traumatic confrontation by a school counselor who body-shamed me about scarring my body only months before bathing suit season. It's fucking horrifically incredible that that kind of shit went down so recently, in 2003/2004, when we live in this progressively stigma-smashing society just 15 years later. But this experience scared me out of seeking professional opinions concerning my mental health for years and years. Not to mention it caused an uproar at home, with my parents blaming each other heatedly for causing my depression and self-harm. Neither of them thought to put me in therapy, or even to talk with me one on one about what I'd done or why I'd done it. They just freaked out at me and each other.

Something else to be noted is that I exhibited sexualized behavior from a very, very young age. I figured out how to masturbate by age five, even though I didn't know what I was doing besides that it felt good. One of my most traumatic childhood memories is being caught by my dad as I engaged in this behavior, probably when I was five or six, and being yelled at and shamed for something I didn't understand. I also engaged in sexplay behaviors with girlfriends in elementary school, (I'm cis female and consider myself bisexual, possibly pansexual at this point in my life) and there was another traumatic time that my dad caught me ""playing doctor"" with a girlfriend, which of course was met with the same anger and shame. I've always considered myself to have a higher libido than most. Generally I crave sex at least five times a week, and when my boyfriend and I can only make it happen once in a week, I miss it terribly. I've never been excessively promiscuous, though, and I've never even had a true one night stand. Going out to the bar and picking someone up was never really my thing, even if I was blackout drunk at that bar. 

I excelled academically all throughout school, but it felt like a competition, or my only means of proving my worth to the outside world. I convinced myself that I wasn't actually intellectually gifted, but that I was simply ""good at school"" and thus not truly deserving of the many academic accolades I accrued. If anyone bested me in academic subjects that I really cared about, mostly writing and music-related subjects, I berated myself endlessly for being a failure, second best, ordinary. When the truth is, I graduated with a 3.96 GPA from high school and a 3.7 GPA from college. I finished my bachelors degree in 3.5 years with help of academic scholarships, and I was able to pay off my education debt by age 24. My writing has been published in a few contest collections, my university's literary magazine, and in independent zines of friends. I have a lot to objectively be proud of, but I rarely to never feel it. It's amazing how one can experience self-awareness, a window to objectivity, and it still won't alter one's convinced worthlessness.

My romantic relationships have always been tricky. I feel that I put on an excellent front, and for the first several months, sometimes even the first year or more, I can contain the crazy and keep myself loose and adaptable with a partner. And maybe it's because I fear the shadow side so immensely, and that makes me idolize backwardly and keep it alive inside me... but eventually some darkness manifests from me most often in the forms of irrational jealousy and distrust, and my partner is often struck and shocked by my desperately insecure depths. I fear that because of my upbringing I may never be able to nurture a romantic relationship efficiently.

Since the beginning of college I have struggled with marijuana and alcohol problems. I binge drink out of desperation and social anxiety, and it's easy for me to lose control, black out, and become an absolute asshole to people that I love. The monster that lurks somewhere lurid within stops at nothing to convince people that I am worthless and unlovable. A recent drunken episode in which I tried desperately to push my boyfriend away ended in my burning myself with a lighter and ranting suicidal ideations. Since then, (five days ago) I haven't had a drink, and honestly I may not touch the stuff again in my life. Seems to have been the wake up call I needed.

Marijuana helps me numb and tune out the immediate anxieties of life, and it is the only consistent sleep aid I've ever found, and I lean on it far more heavily than alcohol. I know that I'm distant and strange when I'm high, and I'm not even close to ""high functioning"" like others seem to be, (being high and productive through work, school, misc. responsibilities). But I know I'm living half a life while I'm giving in to my addictive urges.

I'm long-winded already, so I'll breeze through some more details. I was sexually assaulted at age 19 while high on cough syrup with a long-term friend whom I loved and trusted. I suffered from anorexia ages 19-20, and I suspect that I've suffered body dysmorphia most of my life, as I've never been larger than averagely curvy, but I've always want to modify my appearance in some way. I've consistently self-destructed since with cigarettes, alcohol, and marijuana since I was 20/21. I was in a rollover car accident at age 26 which I walked away miraculously unscathed from, but I have a whole slew of driving and transportation-related PTSD now, and I'm still figuring out all my triggers in the wake of that experience.

I'm at a point now where I am the most incapacitated by depression and anxiety that I've ever been. I moved back in with my dad for the time being and I had to quit my job. I started taking 20mg of Citalopram the final week of May, and the results have been up and down, but now I'm not so sure. I have never taken medication for anxiety/depression until now. I was on such a high the first few weeks after starting my dose, really felt like I was making progress, was writing a lot, exercising, enjoying music in a way that I haven't been able to for the last couple months of my extreme depression. I felt like I might be able to try at life again in a big way, maybe go back to school, or dig deep into a new writing project. But I'm wondering if it was power of suggestion, or sort of a placebo effect for those first few weeks. Or maybe I've been kicked into a major depressive spiral because of the aforementioned horrible drunk episode which took place five days ago. I've been crying for the past several days and can barely find motivation to do anything besides smoke cigarettes and weed, play with my cat, and lie in bed. The meds seem to keep me less panicked in general, but the depression and self-destructiveness is still there. I'm not sure if I should ask my doctor to up the dosage, or if I should talk to my doctor and therapist about potential for a different diagnosis. 

I've also been seeing a therapist, and although I think she isn't probably the best because she's an intern, she's giving me some practical exercises which help at least focus me through really rough times. There are things that I don't share with her, though, such as the self-harm I inflicted during my recent drunk episode, and just how frequently I self-medicate with marijuana. I don't lie to her, but I omit. 

My therapist also encourages me to write since I felt for a long time it was my calling. I've been so blocked for a long time, or at least I've convinced myself that I am, it feels like I've lost my voice sometimes. But I decided to post here as an exercise, and to reach out to anyone who might feel this same way, or have similar life experiences, especially if you are diagnosed BPD, because as far as I know my diagnosis is straight up depression at this point, and I fear that what's going on with me is more complex. My group of friends is small currently, as I've moved recently and only really have my boyfriend and his friends nearby, so also feel free to talk to me if you need support. As I'm too much of a basketcase for work or really anything else, I have plenty of time on my hands, ha.

Thanks for reading.",10.410463050112664,8.276190808120134,10.089321468298113,63.78399988591313,58.88320355951058,13.71439491172528,42.96229428709962,12.322439938823607,5.318512512478253,7755,358,1329,202,78,2543,677,1798,0.16899999999999998,0.7240000000000001,0.107,-0.9991,9,3,12,0,3,1,217.0,1,2,2,21,65,91,10,11,84,1,108,45,8,16,17,279,188,150,1,18,47,8,15,6,8,10,25,3,5,7,75,112,12,8,39,16,5,19,23,45,0,19,57,21,180,47,235,106,45,232,0,17,3,4,74,109,2,55,101,930,255,37,0.11793814162970545,0.06986870622178226,0.028772653362282925,0.03214249567497824,0.0,0.0,0.05227252328723153,0.1260400061229646,0.0,0.03053708661146565,0.032536918001513614,0.1178938615642481,0.0981339816634568,0.0,0.0,0.02005049514485065,0.061834212357374525,0.1127779444197943,0.03330913257105265,0.0,0.061848818119401724,0.0,0.04852652079016221,0.0,0.027564060486231657,0.0,0.055403383173663036,0.0453435755131098,0.0,0.12581449383162527,0.032563352875203094,0.050178335986148535,0.0332189746896407,0.09282660257644844,0.0,0.0,0.06550134404988316,0.11140422057168202,0.0,0.060214014439332914,0.0,0.03006144888914704,0.06057747950499879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033069413580362236,0.047082004688696416,0.032624077623491,0.03238737765793568,0.05704525842910325,0.0,0.2285548842807303,0.02992618279394322,0.0,0.030805064037292725,0.0,0.09053601406872257,0.0,0.06034583306768222,0.0,0.08665085945824434,0.0,0.0,0.04926109191991277,0.0,0.05222909379444186,0.0,0.0,0.1168455453679737,0.053340900595051616,0.0,0.028173737113802163,0.0,0.17304919960339446,0.0,0.0995348985664087,0.0894496020789554,0.021063757986354133,0.14154888891863016,0.03229886734613065,0.05389666240998242,0.10031812302149988,0.0,0.032328271221301816,0.09111871566490083,0.02725797787669177,0.0,0.05656850604556099,0.05027022283027652,0.04946045883088359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026073077286613608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031340682379060215,0.0,0.0,0.05928858772879673,0.2492162437701672,0.02957539303572165,0.0,0.0,0.03402119519066934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029258851853422863,0.07862162940806998,0.0,0.03070360642428365,0.06481571829082318,0.024033831605571543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660639455655454,0.08642792807195125,0.0,0.05207076989297453,0.10437154404540798,0.0,0.032985653268837324,0.032185853361106104,0.0501333952528598,0.05322188871664316,0.0,0.05904346900688015,0.029892691122306667,0.08886353642302125,0.032117302746429315,0.06550134404988316,0.029702567492534474,0.029713476853947682,0.06255686532957007,0.0,0.0,0.07060282458999524,0.0940121849770692,0.02167452605858329,0.043724818814830105,0.15918203959110952,0.0569526960525234,0.0,0.05533847828532947,0.0,0.028291206925742964,0.0,0.0,0.06280013587554288,0.11987690554707635,0.17939454241118402,0.0,0.0,0.098217261931289,0.0,0.02814632529111057,0.040881728804563706,0.05148951809243571,0.030805064037292725,0.0,0.08361724861224469,0.03323938353902186,0.08471410392582507,0.0,0.06357863203542717,0.02821271841142233,0.06893168813750081,0.0592802035355751,0.0,0.031360432728998834,0.029492514341444717,0.0,0.11333129026005205,0.0,0.1164496866959132,0.06331071349646307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029519163561623006,0.32823916330188363,0.023495357344050973,0.10736645469286134,0.18455280460909293,0.0666182651421053,0.030265451891564276,0.14633947424282975,0.0,0.02950582878627962,0.030055770772773018,0.0249821511697785,0.045397271681412416,0.08748287830668865,0.0,0.04173861183489457,0.0,0.07063916418929322,0.02465039183070917,0.0,0.061647276373632785,0.03375273892821084,0.03225129620198131,0.03345870137279496,0.05557765137271133,0.0,0.02216870123067861,0.07109565811841469,0.0,0.02714539883089557,0.033718135841132424,0.10270145438517,0.03917643038683127,0.01889249975571908,0.08690521900990036,0.023407427658932084,0.120348687930962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032758403714402425,0.04003612825181548,0.0,0.0,0.03069444118712028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048655659162947125,0.017390742901271124,0.11701725907129047,0.11825357912038975,0.0,0.0,0.027332459715604124,0.02660520717908824,0.0658368616578579,0.0,0.0,0.06394944184655954,0.042930185871456535,0.0,0.0,0.02094496800078768,0.0,0.0,0.0949353705695852
bpd,klusignolo54,2019/07/18,"Relationships are stressful as hell with bpd I can’t say I’ve had a real relationship in about 8 years.
I get so intensely paranoid during the budding stages of a relationship. I’m currently talking to a girl all is going fine, we are just having chit chat and I’ve invited her over to my place for some mundane hanging out. I’m not even that emotionally invested really. But I just can’t help but thinking about every god damned what if in my head. One minute everything is going absolutely fine and I’m just chit chatting along and the next my brain tells me “you should just disappear and never talk to anyone again, no one would ever actually want to be with you anyway”, I just want to be able to attempt to be happy with someone without me getting so intensely afraid of being abandoned, cheated on, rejected, etc...

99% of the time the problem isn’t even a lack of interest in the other party, it’s me freaking out and making everything a shitshow for myself.",4.736566820276497,6.345127188172048,6.0226113671274994,75.54677419354842,70.12903225806451,8.970199692780337,31.027649769585253,9.424239791934726,3.0250811059907834,771,33,136,17,14,259,119,186,0.185,0.7020000000000001,0.113,-0.95,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,0,1,14,13,3,2,10,0,15,2,2,1,3,36,26,11,0,7,10,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,4,12,0,1,1,2,1,4,7,9,0,2,1,1,15,4,28,19,4,20,1,2,0,0,16,8,2,2,7,101,19,0,0.14524367635624547,0.0,0.14173687647149666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155775559197112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182929325874762,0.1621399777813308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633795866363946,0.0,0.0,0.16198509256913735,0.1918641568151284,0.13138122062162408,0.12237406163853175,0.0,0.2610713018853561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176765236893758,0.0,0.16509065683017884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461459427641086,0.0,0.0,0.1490619147431511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735377465629283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695128180342437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112020877194562,0.0,0.15446829755844976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968417480697617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517487282515912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897858268597332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531910158086188,0.09304681825069963,0.0,0.0,0.4678120574343782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550360109278993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306449564310197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663761405389212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348273064494704,0.12694937500953493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306628312647466,0.0,0.0,0.0846927557020316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133696689761588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000972097474304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317694043882047,0.0,0.0,0.093532165572438
bpd,sweetally4,2019/07/18,"I was apparently diagnosed a year ago, but none of my doctors told me...I just found out today and I’m really overwhelmed. Hi, new here.

I don’t want to make this horribly long (lol back from the future, it’s long- sorry...), but I do really need to put this out here somewhere.

I’ve struggled with mental health since I was a teen, but didn’t seek help until I was 21.

Got diagnosed with depression originally in 2010 at 16, then at 21 with depression and GAD, then after a hypomanic episode in January 2018, it got changed to Bipolar Type 2. 

Here comes the fun part. After a period of high stress in August of 2018, I was hospitalized for 5 days for suicidal ideation. Of course, they evaluated the ever living hell out of me while I was there.

Fast forward to a week ago, I went for another psychiatric evaluation at a mood disorder clinic ordered by the psychiatrist I was referred to after my hospitalization because they couldn’t for the life of them figure out how to get my depression under control.

While I was there, they were asking me weird questions about my diagnosis, and I was panicking a bit.. but at the end they said they’d send a report to my doctors and I’d have to follow up with them. 

Again, fast forward to today.. I saw my family doctor. He mentioned he’d gotten the report, so I immediately asked him if it mentioned what my diagnosis was and he said “Huh, it says “Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Type 2.” And I was like WHAT? What do you mean? He said not to worry, that no one would have a personality if we didn’t have traits of a personality disorder.. but that didn’t sit well with me, so I asked for a copy of the report. Then I asked if it said who gave me that diagnosis, if any of my hospital discharge paperwork said that because he had it all, and he just said he wasn’t sure.. anyways, He made me a copy and I took it home. When I read it.. one line jumped out at me... “Ms. Sweetally4 was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type II with co-morbid Borderline Personality Disorder by Dr.X following admission to X hospital in August of 2018.” 

Wow. It’s literally been a year and not one of my doctors has ever told me that they changed my diagnosis. I feel hurt, confused, overwhelmed, and terrified.

Now that I think about it, it makes sense. It does, it explains a lot. I’m not discounting the doctor. 

Guys, Bipolar is already one hell of a beast. It carries its own stigma. I know BPD isn’t any better. I’m scared. This now may explain why my last psychiatrist started brushing my concerns off.

How did you guys cope with the news of your diagnosis? 

TLDR: Originally diagnosed with Bipolar 2, got hospitalized a year ago and doctor changed diagnosis to BP2 AND BPD and that doctor NOR any of my doctors since have told me. I found out by reading a report from my most recent psych evaluation given to me second hand from my family doctor - now I’m overwhelmed, sad, and scared.",3.0643225309159163,5.361491742451157,4.9009651797982485,78.8452035926137,76.5133214920071,8.298790173933442,26.963671704815845,9.053500757850758,2.4588498877308216,2293,92,434,57,53,780,243,563,0.158,0.78,0.062,-0.9967,1,0,0,0,0,0,88.0,1,3,8,2,23,23,2,8,27,2,34,22,1,8,4,78,78,36,1,8,14,0,2,1,0,2,21,7,1,6,29,32,0,1,11,2,1,10,13,16,1,5,40,11,60,6,71,33,7,73,2,8,1,0,51,21,2,9,45,285,89,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634284995914348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060727191646037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226726463790793,0.05770396052775111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578322551785347,0.0,0.0,0.04231482526976084,0.0,0.06709179557121472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866973794139956,0.060078723262924585,0.0,0.13861721532279508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464395747406886,0.04740364266768117,0.0,0.0,0.06172104610594323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03548992502363732,0.0,0.1421922860949117,0.22341796941893302,0.0,0.0,0.3153468711561813,0.5069316531729143,0.048157296905955764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874042139157686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955592883312486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375514578099032,0.0,0.027824921462330763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067554289866855,0.0,0.0,0.02875100704446783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320380287702993,0.0,0.0,0.10897709524508642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849452689594715,0.0,0.0,0.03688558157497712,0.05814242530604918,0.055199775246186064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589109648688655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030243157527545007,0.04485695596098647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886945611758801,0.026884974945235663,0.0,0.04859267282629929,0.0973999866450693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678470624115828,0.0,0.052070903699593114,0.07346616864901705,0.0,0.0,0.059944018021174314,0.0,0.0,0.05545749610629452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080419435751273,0.0,0.053148507916133764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915954479262658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059592341525679784,0.0,0.0,0.19220098429826532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055320548196259416,0.06164641574900472,0.0,0.11009017943574688,0.0,0.07050750763378656,0.0,0.05433568140023829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140779191770101,0.04376222201299445,0.1101896561164152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910430965148697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160180100907073,0.038950657216815635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303690561197521,0.05752951104071461,0.0,0.060194104592196276,0.0,0.05186531013770671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03526112870570248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432438593784013,0.15775113669481575,0.061140574540287526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03245823642495334,0.0,0.04414190527658237,0.0,0.04947875665164449,0.051013544651950835,0.04965619408303671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588583705954546,0.0,0.039091873598623435,0.0,0.0,0.10631292937392313
bpd,whatevsbb,2019/07/18,"Feeling like I want to break up with my bf. I can feel myself splitting and idk what else to do Soo we have been dating for 4 months. Our relationship is pretty good for the most part. Or it was.  

We live two hours apart and we used to take turns every weekend coming to each other’s houses. We are planning to move in together next summer. 

The last 5 weeks I’ve driven to him. It wasn’t really a big deal. I’m naturally a really giving person so I don’t mind buying things and doing stuff for him and his kids. 

We made so many plans in the past month and none of them were followed through on. He was going to pay for pedicures. We were going to take a day trip to a nearby city. We were going to visit a casino. He just decided he didn’t feel like going, even after we made the plans. 

We were going to have vodka shots for the 4th of July. I bought the vodka and made the shots and he was too tired to eat them with me. They’ve been in his fridge since July 4th. Kinda want to just throw them away and tell him to fuck himself, honestly. We were going to drink last weekend but he was too tired. 

Like seriously everything I look forward to doesn’t happen with him. I told him when we first met that When people change plans or decide randomly that they’re not going to do things, it makes me really upset. Obviously he doesn’t care about how his actions make me feel. 

Last weekend I bought two of our dinners plus our breakfast. He didn’t offer to help at all because he had no money, but he was able to send his kids mom some gas money. 

She still acts like they’re husband and wife and asks him for stuff and he obliged just to keep her happy so she doesn’t go for child support. He gives her money but doesn’t want to have to go through the state. 

He helped her move last weekend two days in a row. She tricked him and actually had other help but he still stuck around and helped. 

Today he talked to his “friend” that he used to have sex with. He always refers to her as “someone” instead of by name and he didn’t tell me that they had sex until I asked him because he was acting so weird about it. 

I felt triggered. Took a few minutes to calm down and then very very calmly and rationally explained why I felt the way I felt about it - not because he was friends with her but the fact that That he hid that detail from me and now it has me “on guard”. He answered very short and defensive like. and didn’t validate me at all. 

Now I feel like I can’t tell him anything about how I feel and like he doesn’t care and we just should end things. 

He’s going though a tough time right now tho with another aspect of his life and I don’t want to be non-supportive of him. Also I might just be overreacting and splitting on him. Idk what to do or what to say to him.",2.384013640744314,3.882325439024392,3.4398776781080898,92.15263140336576,75.96864111498256,6.2091481948254135,20.575135295425905,6.761325535456951,0.1575842241826675,2158,48,480,19,47,694,253,574,0.053,0.815,0.132,0.9932,1,0,3,0,0,0,44.0,15,0,4,6,30,24,3,1,18,0,46,10,0,10,4,103,101,46,0,5,15,3,9,7,3,2,3,1,0,4,23,45,4,3,14,8,8,24,17,7,0,4,35,11,71,17,74,62,8,76,0,0,1,3,101,18,1,8,40,304,94,1,0.0662248746212101,0.0,0.06462592457728843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296000830819353,0.05510440084894179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944255529352852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449742908824337,0.058954178901639065,0.12382263613978245,0.0,0.06222044969619148,0.0,0.0,0.12111020667607975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504134666569956,0.0,0.07005713624423393,0.0570468655350269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541913096699412,0.06827493780998127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487516505570091,0.0,0.06776457979557182,0.05532238495571549,0.0,0.05865558233020589,0.0,0.0,0.04374090510564148,0.0,0.055797313123791104,0.0,0.05951864710497722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009117186599424,0.1892442546469925,0.19075879525061407,0.0,0.0,0.056330844521808435,0.0,0.0,0.10233034770888516,0.06122382945389605,0.0,0.12705786842525132,0.3763712240006824,0.05554628281437625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856243791652899,0.07049761048081793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755654999260978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521816151676751,0.07641461379100824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058863711412517276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215928446930232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677658744718023,0.22647890014607494,0.0,0.058477777586476175,0.0,0.055612215520939874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799073285120574,0.08841123610847383,0.06714162846082022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025412654294766,0.06686824477779547,0.07756177275988015,0.10572012620098356,0.14077312229253738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043090546447901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171508564785048,0.06321913632670312,0.045911989572992,0.0578250061067475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737450576196058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272760514015344,0.0,0.0,0.07110073137571947,0.0,0.056555681079946074,0.0,0.05266467837062128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054781900635636406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056112121358710285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577454083731272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162327455769886,0.0,0.15030240583975807,0.0,0.0,0.09958572785562544,0.053229045666863234,0.17365037819533113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319905920827733,0.0,0.06506560307328492,0.0,0.038616256957961816,0.15223150260894205,0.06277343766956693,0.06328070570521982,0.07357827243331312,0.0,0.07203364663640735,0.1940762389628346,0.0,0.0,0.11439405730978335,0.0,0.16392737157731765,0.1562445875157046,0.05256622296013519,0.05312159979827703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975764872532656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Drichthy,2019/07/18,"The rage is exhausting. The people who were at once immune are becoming less so...and I’ll be living with one next semester. It’s been so out-of-control recently. I’m happy that there is less than two months until I go back to school. Although I feel as though that too is bound to be disastrous. 

I feel like my fuse is growing shorter. My anger used to be directed primarily towards my parents. They’re the ones most involved in my life and naturally I feel quite comfortable around them. 

I’m supposed to be dorming with a friend this semester. I fear that’s going to end in catastrophe. I’ve never exposed her to any of my outbursts, but I find that I can’t even tolerate her anymore. Such basic things become so irritating that sometimes I just ignore her...which is fairly easy, since it’s summer and we communicate exclusively over phone. I get a notification that she texted me, and I reflexively grind my teeth. 

I’m one of her only friends, because many people find her irritating. She doesn’t branch out often, which prevents her from finding a group she can click well with. She has a lovely character, it’s just at times she seems to have the social awareness of a toddler. 

I can’t abandon the friendship at this point. Which is fine, because I do appreciate her. I just can’t seem to like her...And I’m going to be living with her. 

I don’t know if I’m just incapable of liking anyone, or if I just tell myself that to help come to turns with the fact that I simply can’t tolerate them. Everyone has little nuanced traits that can make them irritating. I certainly do.


I suppose if anything, I’ll learn to effectively establish boundaries. Perhaps I should think of the friendship as a project. Something unfamiliar, but hopefully not beyond my skill level. That, and because she seems to spend a lot of time in her dorm room, it’ll prevent me from staying in bed all day.",3.3191443850267386,5.660048826446285,4.534705072111488,81.56697739426349,75.8870523415978,7.466180521795494,27.75636039539783,8.405096225971981,2.175946102738616,1496,62,277,29,34,491,196,363,0.105,0.7240000000000001,0.171,0.965,1,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,3,3,17,18,2,1,14,0,29,5,1,3,4,54,52,17,0,5,12,1,3,3,2,2,3,0,4,0,20,13,0,5,13,0,1,5,8,6,1,4,2,4,47,12,42,43,5,33,0,1,1,1,29,16,0,11,14,188,67,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532983614377016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985763021347512,0.0774554659949285,0.0,0.09115722163821416,0.09861197569400547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517804894340611,0.0,0.2025796471012425,0.24468144239428335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542163460447872,0.0,0.0,0.12424199444366445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143979802325859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811251664982798,0.0,0.0,0.07316490792464239,0.0,0.0,0.105848907221896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465107961053633,0.16803135830447705,0.0791366710009448,0.0,0.0,0.3037351485867993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116679341533764,0.0,0.05787462596368027,0.0,0.18886554278875647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792054067649142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424919877773035,0.0,0.0,0.11002316410009992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060878265139033376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824265879584005,0.16235513419671554,0.11102423307486756,0.19563020940782608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941757403606734,0.09997748502775347,0.0,0.0739422279186676,0.11230702822408864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841841841858589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543541744980636,0.0,0.1178089639643324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797025238366965,0.22518914338638246,0.08424830276817198,0.0,0.0,0.12300095657361496,0.0,0.0,0.15359291178964907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471684267226948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782134265546618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937555100789327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210878157585176,0.0,0.3025323332761146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163305391744857,0.0,0.0,0.11291971949476624,0.0,0.08527891736412495,0.10955790768290492,0.0,0.0,0.11806990233259095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682099551937934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359304746386103,0.07097924019647132,0.10883448448130613,0.0,0.1291859360431574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048985065353,0.10820969616260714,0.0,0.0,0.09567281072468127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959875596471947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dyswarrior,2019/07/18,"Who am I even? The pieces are falling apart and I don't know which ones to hold onto... I've taken so many personas from different people and had to be a certain person at my old job for so long I don't even know what parts of me are real.  What of me has just been created in response to being what others want?  I feel like I am slowly going insane and the only ""me"" I feel comfortable with is who I am when alone with my husband.  So now I feel crazy when he's not with me bc I don't know anything about how to be or feel bc I feel all the things and have multiple reactions to those feelings when alone.  I don't know how I can figure out who I really am and not sure if anyone has any idea on figuring it out?  Or a start at least if you've had similar problem? My therapist is leaving (that's a WHOLE other issue) and I'll be starting with a new one not sure when, but I need to stay out of the hospital in the meantime.  Any ideas?????",2.1614026402640256,3.04733002475248,4.149128712871288,89.30098679867987,75.48514851485149,7.366864686468648,23.36765676567657,7.793537801064563,0.9314781518151812,723,20,166,10,15,248,113,202,0.075,0.8809999999999999,0.044000000000000004,-0.5653,2,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,0,9,0,23,0,0,2,4,47,39,20,0,5,9,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,13,13,0,1,14,0,0,2,7,1,0,2,4,6,21,5,25,31,5,23,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,4,11,125,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781252289447275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261560520062606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938842928833992,0.0,0.11049228333710362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028295490395867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736735700057166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073438860386131,0.09592209281339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763083995299646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031476394825596,0.0,0.14014237899399173,0.13324167059436662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951638235535486,0.0,0.0,0.14217191744857385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559725116127184,0.0,0.0,0.11882420199527413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612810658636915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955906565490202,0.0,0.12967823216213567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408931584869409,0.0,0.18196885328689552,0.1021179361639144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540068578494414,0.0,0.09308550229507158,0.11723886916520294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847769119506974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528279830680415,0.08601642174541826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007315792948856,0.14311332517233974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25309465845444795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589713298051994,0.08920262932420311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919557639003566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990700041698607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vbm07,2019/07/18,"Does it sound like I have bpd? The preface this, my father has bpd, and I understand bpd can be partially genetic and someone is more likely to develop bpd if they have a parent with the disorder. 

Anyway, I am 20y/o and have a wonderful boyfriend who is honestly the best person I could be with and definitely deserves better than me. I feel greatly slighted to tiny things and it throws me into what is essentially a depressive state that can last hours to days. During this time, I am extremely emotionally distant from him, or irritable and easily frustrated by him. I snap at him, or I respond minimally to his attempts to talk to me. 

During these episodes, I feel immense and unbearable sadness and unease surrounding our relationship. I will cry a lot when I am alone, and float around the house sullenly. I know that in doing so, I am hurting him and even though I love him and the last thing I want to do is hurt him, I can't stop. It's very stressful because I fear eventually he is going to leave when he realizes the relationship is not worth it.

I am always unreasonably paranoid and untrusting of him (even though I know there's nothing to be paranoid about but, again, I can't stop). 

It is causing a lot of emotional strife for me. I try my best to keep a lot of these episodes from his awareness, but it is exhausting for me and I just want to be able to respond normally to normal situations but I am unable to do so.

To give some context to my life, because I know bpd is associated with childhood abandonment, when I was 8, my father moved to another country for work, and I only saw him a couple weeks to a month a year. This was quite traumatic for me because my father and I were extremely close. I remember periods where I would break down and sob for hours because of it. 

Fast forward to last year, something happened which caused my father to have a huge burst of anger toward me (remember he has bpd and anger issues) which lasted for several months. He threatened to kick my out of the house multiple times, and actually did one time, and I had to stay at my aunts for a night. He was very verbally abusive and said horrible things to my mother about me, and exclaimed multiple times that I was no longer a daughter to him. 

This has since died down, and our relationship has managed to come around. We are almost back to the level of closeness we had when we were younger, and he has apologized, but I am deeply scarred by this as it feels like the person who has been the most loving and kind to me turned on me and quickly became the person who treated me worse than anyone else has treated me.

Does it sound like I have bpd? I am so unsure about it but either way, something is wrong and I need to figure out how to fix it, if not for myself then for my boyfriend who doesn't deserve this treatment.",6.5464404692082105,6.3823630927272745,6.9697184750733125,76.69348093841643,65.34545454545454,10.36950146627566,34.10557184750733,10.011982343527217,3.2404516129032253,2231,90,430,45,31,729,255,550,0.153,0.76,0.08800000000000001,-0.9901,1,1,2,0,0,0,54.0,5,0,1,6,24,28,3,3,23,0,56,4,0,3,0,85,77,47,1,9,13,8,3,4,0,2,2,3,0,3,32,40,0,4,12,0,1,5,6,14,0,1,12,7,75,14,70,58,9,57,0,6,1,2,49,19,1,11,35,324,107,2,0.06294496451826892,0.07457949011738085,0.06142520544953828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303028958375975,0.0651920000328671,0.0,0.0,0.052375252895174584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600328356996457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044012582734496236,0.06449455464073191,0.0,0.11206872705739647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840079235376489,0.0,0.1534826645451943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211371373243824,0.055669705948123996,0.0,0.0,0.5549388552247175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293236350974656,0.0,0.054221513404431314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025643228945914,0.06964740600710517,0.06914208785548857,0.0405942948072928,0.0,0.054214405705425,0.0,0.06532693544169065,0.0,0.07214038263391863,0.0,0.11016712525713536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258244093358006,0.1416092258448964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314911083243548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083058482486214,0.0954805960350146,0.044967895228849926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060382545573237564,0.03577307390300879,0.0,0.0,0.06939704559663701,0.0,0.0,0.05566202424456757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397622150589585,0.14526007580274816,0.13476777275105656,0.0,0.0,0.0656981893418812,0.0,0.05594837661025712,0.0,0.0655474943136682,0.10377871903861798,0.2052341889395639,0.0,0.06664962888945361,0.0,0.0,0.04445988994300736,0.12300692076263205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054067370059982,0.11362057602646075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048414029698356,0.06690053577686776,0.0,0.046672893617547034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059069585191559686,0.12334540149300688,0.06039739109035992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265313698606474,0.04787248192487595,0.0,0.0,0.06989293406320568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648833453506686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694971781401034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202738006191752,0.14260874882339253,0.0,0.05987507550871085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711098933338165,0.0,0.05206872510482767,0.0707527774091642,0.0,0.0,0.05333306417219881,0.09691621779778778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709095708245177,0.0,0.10524961765241883,0.07210324418684133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059277816690565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545351248931758,0.0,0.1236862161003168,0.0,0.1468148600023939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273549909191805,0.06846604629430299,0.0,0.06552792793691925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387237571507738,0.07425314184134188,0.049962782987669214,0.050490653754825185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826112896764397,0.045824683840209005,0.0,0.06414629638287864,0.044714296814519036,0.06882043743465534,0.0,0.08106898683607723
bpd,juliesans,2019/07/18,I only have 2 modes It’s either completely emotional or completely numb. When I don’t want to feel I shut down and crack jokes to lighten the mood. I did the emotionless thing at my grandpas funeral. Now my grandma is in the hospital potentially not making it through the night and I have no idea how to react.,2.8021857923497255,5.193939737704921,4.430737704918034,81.4043579234973,77.85245901639344,8.656830601092896,28.19945355191257,9.2995712137729,2.8647027322404366,248,11,47,7,6,83,47,61,0.124,0.789,0.087,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,3,0,11,8,5,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,7,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6669126886443335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35774946288400666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080935284439946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35902570819641577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229254954770915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29845671775944044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418819055519316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112900316213538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758680059649085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boahri,2019/07/18,"F****ng Insomnia In germany it’s 2 a.m. and like so many other nights I can’t get no sleep cause of this damn annoying restlessness.. nothing helps, not even my skills. I really hate it.",0.1833333333333336,1.796965666666669,1.5705555555555577,91.81750000000002,114.55555555555556,6.2444444444444445,21.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,1.5549000000000004,148,6,29,4,8,47,34,36,0.341,0.599,0.06,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709693041631278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23851608999425555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867008633366653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35653084216979586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420508557997623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642479570022873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661185944288202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388862816793328,0.0,0.3465039956412144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313424627503233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613803962477278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,h00dies,2018/11/08,Quiet BPD vs BPD Can anyone give real life experiences explaining the differences you feel having quiet BPD that differ from those who do not? I’m wanting to understand it better; I’d rather have personal stories rather than an apathetic article.,11.555581395348838,10.581409790697679,11.455465116279068,51.226453488372144,55.74418604651163,15.111627906976745,42.43023255813954,13.816669648895859,6.53119534883721,203,9,27,7,2,68,38,43,0.05,0.884,0.066,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703685270005167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333227954125371,0.0,0.0,0.7405064912561337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095239797220859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171035435253675,0.0,0.0,0.09909560373900493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800609937594975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842958105717135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112602279985195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307315910821954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402667715732686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559667973146127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,big_clit_energy,2018/11/08,"My life is more perfect than it has ever been before, yet I'm more terrified than ever before?! For the first time in my entire life I have someone who is truly HERE for me and who truly CARES for me, and it terrifies me beyond all bounds. I am constantly watching for signs that my boyfriend may leave me, and I'm terrified beyond all belief thinking about my life without him. Literally any minor event happens (like he doesn't text me) and I start to believe that abandonment is imminent. Literally everything is going well in my life, for the first time in YEARS, and this overwhelms me with anxiety. Something HAS to go wrong soon- someone I love HAS to abandon me soon- and I find myself feeling so scared/ dissociated thinking about what is to come. What can I do? I'm sorry in advance if this makes absolutely no sense- I'm overwhelmed and scared and just ranting into this void is the only thing I have left. 

​",4.293598484848489,6.4664701022727336,4.9428181818181836,80.52339393939396,72.4090909090909,7.420606060606061,29.34696969696969,8.238735603445708,2.256699696969697,742,31,131,12,15,238,102,176,0.16899999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.8835,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,13,12,0,4,3,0,17,5,0,1,5,30,32,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,12,11,0,3,5,0,0,4,3,7,1,2,1,2,21,5,22,30,4,25,1,4,1,1,5,8,0,2,14,100,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200386858074874,0.1704673827398621,0.09540183011363937,0.0,0.1073212628054809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387524622485485,0.15805848967796118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303473401397745,0.0,0.0,0.12084718406035068,0.0,0.15160336401604527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538001929585537,0.0,0.0,0.12608336732018924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093470493388082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822227565412114,0.23866075278131474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594597780447833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405774879210987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854657246250175,0.15242520687852254,0.0,0.3963631529920699,0.06853847790646463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661696254858326,0.0,0.09364448706163972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669666468823588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28090899569888583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377340733537499,0.10800189145665852,0.0,0.15704287194088792,0.09929779605653248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320226580995823,0.17978399427008368,0.0,0.0,0.16360814458614792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613731932114133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523429768475762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533848014854551,0.1704673827398621,0.09034198935661672
bpd,p0isonfrog,2018/11/08,"Hurt that people correlate BPD and abuse I guess I'm a pretty sensitive guy to begin with. I only got my diagnosis and began therapy earlier this year. I'm still having trouble working through it, picking apart my behaviours, my past, but now, at least a lot more things make sense.

But one thing that I'm seeing a lot, mostly on the Internet, is people correlating BPD and abusive behaviour. Like controlling, isolating, violent, cruel, manipulative behaviour. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of abusers with BPD. There are many more abusers that don't have BPD. There are also many many more people with BPD that aren't abusive. I am highly empathetic. I cry when I kill a bug! The only times where I feel less empathetic is when anger takes over me and I expload. But I've never directed this anger at anyone but myself (and my mum and sister during my teenage years, which I've since greatly apologised for, and I never physically hurt them even a tiny bit). I'm too fearful of being abandoned by my friends that I would never get angry at them, let alone be abusive. I'm more of the complete opposite - a doormat who always agrees with everyone, keeps the peace and hides my true emotions behind a mask of being agreeable. Even times where they have done things that have made me justifiably angry (like when one of my friends downplayed my sexual assault and said the perpertator ""made a mistake""), I was calm and forgiving and turned my anger inwards later.

I'm sorry that this has turned into basically a vent. It just hurts me so much to read about an abuser online and have someone in the comments write ""it sounds like they have BPD"". And, obviously, I'm well aware that people with BPD can be abusers. So it would still hurt but be reasonable if they actually identified BPD symptoms in this person. But oftentimes they don't even have symptoms that would meet the criteria! People are so quick to diagnose online, as some sort of explanation for another person's behaviour. But they aren't thinking of all the people that read that and think ""That's not me, I'm not like that"". 

I just wish people would be more careful with what they say, but that's a tall order for the internet. I also wish I could grow a bit thicker skin and not be so hurt whenever I see this, because why does this person's comment matter to me? It doesn't, but it does further stigmatise a group of people who already have to deal with a huge stigma from society. And people who visit these sites that have no idea about BPD to begin with are left thinking that we're abusive, or that abusive behaviours are part of our disorder. 

BPD is hard enough to deal with without people demonising us as abusive. I have low enough self esteem without seeing people telling others not to date someone with BPD because of a long list of reasons that don't even comply with BPD symptoms! This is my first actual post here, and it's pretty late and I'm tired, so I'm sorry if some of it doesn't make sense. I hope you all understand what I mean. How do you all deal with seeing these kind of comments? ",6.633408093612871,7.015032433447104,6.807291077523162,76.07854266211606,65.10921501706486,9.768815212091663,32.27186738176499,9.606745405546679,2.952409127254997,2450,91,443,45,35,788,261,586,0.20199999999999999,0.662,0.136,-0.9956,0,1,0,0,5,0,68.0,2,2,8,3,31,32,7,1,24,0,47,6,1,10,8,97,87,43,1,11,20,2,3,4,2,4,5,3,0,5,45,31,0,3,10,2,0,2,18,18,1,3,7,10,47,14,54,67,21,45,0,7,4,0,38,18,0,11,27,306,92,3,0.0,0.496503680571443,0.07435103023523731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394552393440609,0.04203910817038445,0.06092959140989562,0.031698339330638724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994624109452015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02663711782219209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644507962435438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318039670630815,0.0,0.5757563244352081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884069479323598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994219471096863,0.0,0.042727115535999935,0.0304159952687372,0.0,0.041845895565576066,0.0,0.11782373711376284,0.0,0.03866592513595638,0.0,0.0,0.04366051143941587,0.0,0.06667490325003071,0.03898471582105964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04285208228172717,0.0,0.07872525181381475,0.0,0.10064633904422664,0.0,0.0,0.03640168936824335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286780089176285,0.019262127088067158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032403840653827294,0.0,0.0,0.058864664809449276,0.0,0.039806441311986636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03046828954006243,0.04200020006144306,0.041966265177480686,0.037720333930520634,0.0,0.0,0.034125903945577137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04024977346188557,0.0,0.037837226174543034,0.0,0.0,0.20390901978303266,0.04300495398333125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03386085085526515,0.04214680247560882,0.039670390158998016,0.0,0.0,0.04297315497568287,0.0,0.04139065227741126,0.03895502280283825,0.0,0.0744457525036625,0.0,0.0,0.03371313956219545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477451939011457,0.0,0.07209338333694276,0.05085781388840635,0.11586795733413485,0.0,0.04149694707517525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02800442701660347,0.0,0.08814432596458717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051628719097795976,0.0579463808868556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041253494910924865,0.0363662721053291,0.2905153096031049,0.0997900333074652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03648476456118021,0.07751322627501947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621121340127741,0.0,0.0,0.0783366213339175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03623735172642178,0.030294909662609313,0.0,0.0,0.1214280798006064,0.0,0.03974170364337398,0.0,0.0,0.031512823817575066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455604401783589,0.0,0.0,0.08528913344800865,0.0,0.0,0.06084590770154485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878680181897112,0.028642922755931537,0.0,0.03329696919621536,0.0,0.04356529281178819,0.0,0.07592646888151422,0.07322978539049295,0.0,0.0,0.04442734873710615,0.043784940514455535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828734888367092,0.0,0.039658548275372164,0.045823952428949134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034252247578624086,0.0,0.034375080714318086,0.0,0.08761542429527737,0.07344501485125987,0.0,0.027733830345285242,0.0,0.0,0.10824722555091336,0.04165122759507823,0.0,0.049064245266065634
bpd,loreset,2018/11/08,"Kratom and BPD I guess im just wondering if anyone else has tried kratom. Im not trying to push it to anyone but it has done wonders for me. I try and use it as a preventive medicine. I always take it in the morning and it makes everything a lot more smooth. As in, im not worrying what my coworkers are thinking of me when i walk in - or what my family thinks about my last facebook comment (i could go on with dumb small things) its nice not feel like im on the same speed as my brain is what i guess im saying. It has reallly reduced my panic attacks and all the ""crazy"" thinking. Anyways ok thanks!",2.3642857142857165,3.690445746031749,3.9335238095238085,89.30314285714289,75.66666666666666,7.262222222222222,25.29841269841269,7.908726449838941,1.2546565079365073,468,16,104,7,10,156,80,126,0.11699999999999999,0.787,0.096,-0.5863,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,1,5,1,7,1,1,2,1,27,20,11,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,3,13,4,14,18,4,12,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,7,4,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144604012430053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049663676064694,0.1249200111926404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138700005819046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355220605626013,0.1361014761257111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973420797937642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247650548555718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184734426882512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957257441029873,0.0,0.11493400359587227,0.0,0.06164570632779778,0.08709867067986106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928914878554306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686141615593561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.658465035188073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937992952373634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956326857374609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365083205999984,0.0,0.0,0.08138161079262947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430452057727788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969545624815922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166761264262488,0.0,0.0,0.11224626463983094,0.0,0.0,0.0809972990310104,0.2343615439764481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483241750233237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052985237934283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644310373848203,0.0,0.1238142542080446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Im_Reallyy_Trying,2018/11/08,"I need help I'm a 22 year old male and it feels like i'm not getting the proper help i need, i've gone through months of CBT through the NHS and it hasn't really helped with my emotional problems. I just would like something to save me before something horrible happens. I'm not sure where to go from here. How do you live a life worth living with this condition?  ",2.9692000000000007,4.489239453333333,3.6023333333333305,91.4995,74.46666666666667,7.133333333333333,25.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.2295333333333338,289,10,63,4,6,91,55,75,0.102,0.685,0.213,0.7869,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,13,3,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,4,8,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806355937718476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23878768231601946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073357101668196,0.15165367109749867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090812109953346,0.0,0.12064424977473327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771948908097774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268626704258112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994042954721298,0.20741966028336808,0.0,0.3748962277414353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944076085350054,0.0,0.0,0.314807514197504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275332085001812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312435803259776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599271815035344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32684874715883283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20007243880956413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079841357828286,0.0,0.0,0.13670207826358546
bpd,mco613,2018/11/08,I suck at relationships. My bf and I haven’t spoke since Monday. I don’t even know why. I texted him today asking what the deal was. Hasn’t answered yet. I’m on the verge of tears. I hate life. I probably scared him off or something. ,-0.9693367346938756,1.0880692857142868,1.006913265306121,98.75281887755104,101.04081632653059,4.08265306122449,14.28826530612245,5.985473137389443,-0.8051857142857142,181,4,42,2,8,59,39,49,0.24600000000000002,0.754,0.0,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,9,0,4,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,1,3,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28911345987833825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188302899792672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426126930500835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30532716836729984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995950740747925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843729805411466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333431249929155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320261801680407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30962011254758176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558205078690228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23808107465527464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931393858004742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27905625523381605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lordruperteverton3,2018/11/08,"Purposely being a bitch to push SO away and I can’t stop. We’re long distance right now. Everything was so fucking perfect at first. We spoke often, had meaningful conversations, whatever the fuck. And now there’s distance and we barely fucking talk and it’s weird and I kind of just wish he would hurry the fuck up and tell me that he doesn’t want to fucking be with me anymore because honestly fuck him.",1.8965822784810131,4.6432311265822825,3.0251772151898737,87.44434810126585,85.83544303797468,6.197974683544303,25.621518987341773,7.554174236665415,1.689044556962025,325,14,61,6,10,104,58,79,0.198,0.654,0.14800000000000002,-0.6837,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,2,8,11,7,0,3,0,7,6,0,0,1,17,16,8,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,3,1,7,3,7,10,0,10,0,0,0,6,9,4,7,1,5,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540989093284148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598813117035958,0.0,0.0,0.09472048083134277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964887915581262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216932309459462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8618985386999731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618082458257598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375097132136613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269685815905588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990775760759027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489155798182447,0.13581223061734685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164935101030623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868362342389124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038014506347024,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hielier,2018/11/08,"I dissociated and did sexual stuff with someone I didn't want to Hi, I need to explain what happened to see if someone has experienced the same because I'm still pretty in shock and I feel embarrassed to share it with people who can't understand me.

​

Basically, last Saturday I went partying to celebrate a friend's birthday. Everything was going fine, although I drank a lot and I also smoked some weed (I hardly ever consume because of my substance abuse tendency). We then went to my friend's house and continued smoking.

​

My friend has a friend (let's call him J) who she talked me about, and he's basically an asshole. He is very sexist and when they hooked up he told her to don't tell anything because he was embarrassed to be sleeping with someone who's fat (she has the same body size as me and fun fact I also have an ED which will take relevance in a moment). Anyway, from this point my brain ""switched off"" and I started talking to him, but as if he wasn't him, I was ""transferring"" my favourite person's (which is also the person I like) identity to him. I was literally talking to him as I talk to my FP, which is a way I don't talk to anyone else (just imagine me being silly around someone I like, that's all).

​

Later, my friend went to sleep and J and I were still in the living room. I don't know how we ended up hooking up and I started giving him a handjob (I've never had anything sexual with a guy because of my body issues). After some time, my brain ""switched on"" and I found myself in that situation. My reaction was to shake my head, which is what I do when I have a nightmare in order to wake up, but I realised that it wasn't a nightmare. I didn't know what to do and I just wanted to cry, so I continued waiting for the moment to end. He finally went to the bathroom and I started shaking and I was paralised. When he got out I went inside and started crying.

​

Then I faked being in a rush and I left the house. He came with me until his underground stop (he previously suggested that I could go to his home but I rejected the offer because I was already ""awake""). When I arrived home I started crying again, brushed my teeth, took a shower, washed my clothes with hot water and went to sleep waiting for everything to be a dream.

​

Let's say I remember everything that happened, but it is like if I didn't do it, like if another person inside me was the one doing all that stuff. The guy didn't do anything wrong, if you look at it form the outside I was totally fine with that, but I was actually in automatic mode. I feel like a part of me wanted to hurt myself by hooking up with someone who could potentially insult me. I also think it is related to a trauma I haven't spoke about with anyone, related to sexual stuff with a guy, so maybe dissociating was a defense mecanism? 

​

I feel so horrible, it's like the universe telling me I deserve that for liking my FP so much and creating so much drama around him (it's a very complex and long story...) that something like that just had to happen. A friend of mine actually agrees with that and that just crushed me.

​

(Sorry for my English, I'm not native)

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TL;DR: I went partying, had alcohol and weed, ended up hooking up with someone I didn't want because I dissociated. I think it is associated with my trauma.",5.126406397979586,5.808534858220212,6.245578589217441,77.74710722929603,68.4419306184012,8.942705812199659,32.46234522431513,9.037768484169169,2.7851023115507387,2653,113,501,46,43,889,259,663,0.092,0.8009999999999999,0.107,0.5493,2,1,3,0,1,2,116.0,2,1,1,0,27,32,2,4,32,0,54,15,11,1,6,92,100,53,0,12,15,0,5,8,6,1,3,2,4,6,36,41,4,4,13,2,0,14,14,13,0,1,37,11,94,19,77,54,12,71,0,2,2,0,59,23,0,8,40,366,130,1,0.0,0.04857045389477716,0.08000725412759872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380945803447799,0.0,0.0,0.04523721594770213,0.13112956978266455,0.0,0.3553304945925905,0.3984915646320011,0.0,0.042985134874122026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573270511002788,0.04200256381092924,0.1012021805540911,0.07298560143037354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993510957651165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106881129649266,0.0,0.09152434235562466,0.04185882593648608,0.04688550777555765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545975907288464,0.0,0.13508791432154044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03424471016119339,0.0,0.10892390582086063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708086056200853,0.0,0.0,0.11052662430919256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062182456333041286,0.02928567999754955,0.0,0.04490624578932542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044947127026164005,0.19002830955986524,0.0,0.0,0.03932458697690562,0.046594966898965536,0.0,0.032786152072842925,0.0,0.0,0.12176967822808073,0.1087509358674474,0.0,0.03672201798239279,0.0,0.0420710361004748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223940825820482,0.0,0.0,0.0946017169522718,0.04388426283556413,0.0,0.0,0.04278643996329114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505778090277319,0.033415077308224794,0.0,0.0,0.04453942904070838,0.0838370201212353,0.0,0.16021836470688236,0.0,0.036197906976038974,0.0362778527191603,0.03442411608720162,0.0,0.0,0.034851107089178227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04118336169043115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602697044526846,0.030396073022475618,0.03161662304271327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02777817628128921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439183748426013,0.0,0.028419649245226764,0.10738151884340767,0.0,0.0,0.03875199583284484,0.0,0.0,0.041705006462011335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643751015739511,0.0,0.0,0.032599582392878634,0.0,0.0,0.032666417694872586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046078278460613416,0.12306895955469085,0.0,0.20840135514731348,0.03155870790209786,0.0,0.04588873451052408,0.14507663239989455,0.0,0.06547473497945913,0.03427230256994188,0.0,0.0,0.14078284301397467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03082192126511938,0.1647446365949141,0.07166004472922219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052533807363169184,0.0,0.0,0.023903570464182414,0.0,0.0,0.03917093284039898,0.045545155286726674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042675555942674366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764766596915045,0.09671583425070218,0.032538638219943995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660089279923174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044819827517958814,0.3984915646320011,0.0
bpd,onedayslowly,2018/11/08,"DAE feel like people like them for some weird reason? I don't know how to put this into words but people are always telling me how much they love me and I never know because it's really ""me"" or because borderlines have superpowers when it comes to emotions. Like I don't know if people genuinely like me or if they like me because I can easily sense what others are feeling. Or people like me because I'm ""wild"" when really I am just a train wreck who makes insane impulsive decisions but those decisions are fun. DAE also feel like they have the emotion superpower where you can just sense people and you know how to make them like you but you never end up with solid long term friends because eventually people realize that you're just crazy?",7.2038636363636375,7.132431370629373,7.3071241258741235,74.51145541958044,63.96503496503496,10.506643356643359,31.16171328671329,10.125756701596842,2.991112587412587,598,19,108,12,8,193,81,143,0.07,0.669,0.261,0.9857,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,5,0,10,12,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,6,2,36,22,16,0,2,11,0,3,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,11,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,3,20,11,7,22,3,12,0,0,0,1,13,3,0,6,15,71,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535600125871092,0.0992170410195964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634372862708527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271450393488596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26825738479061034,0.10561104428007062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808736319105076,0.17036983150860427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212435077566944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621242375522575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660362300274341,0.0,0.0,0.10552344449188923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761854816099738,0.0,0.15918694522446886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765495110183909,0.0,0.18393012356581187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959950583884054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986890343468813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277610037397224,0.12259834326259753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422081498054836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Melias_,2018/11/08,"Help me I have no friends. My mind is so loud. The world is evil. I'm viewing more and more things I used to enjoy as problematic. I have nothing. Therapy, meds, whatever aren't helping. I can't stand anything anymore. Nobody understands. I would rather end it.

What do I do?",-0.15166666666666728,1.912815685185187,1.812296296296296,91.68733333333334,105.11111111111113,5.122962962962963,23.91851851851852,6.742157984588678,1.259176296296296,213,10,43,4,10,70,43,54,0.195,0.6509999999999999,0.154,-0.3374,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,0,6,12,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,8,2,2,11,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851414510708193,0.0,0.0,0.23660352406105714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546563703529657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221363584611618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854356632158781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193686376147534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903120867699222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27588210115110523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328802874588063,0.0,0.19101475520445976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29931727375888145,0.0,0.248323981002034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424514923547127,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ooeeow,2018/11/08,"Can I bring up fwBPD's BPD? One of my best friends has BPD. I've been wanting to talk to him about it more and more recently to see if he has any intention of getting help. I'm nervous about how he'll receive it though. He told me he had BPD a few years ago, when we were much closer, and I'm the only one in our friend group who knows. Sometimes I wonder if he even remembers telling me because we haven't talked about it since he told me, and we didn't really talk about it much at the time because I didn't know anything about the disorder. Only recently have I done a lot more research about it and think I understand him a lot more. Do pwBPD tend to be uncomfortable talking about it? I have a feeling he is going to get really angry or not respond at all, due to his nature and closed-offedness about anything that seems like it could be an attack or a reference to something he is insecure about.",6.958333333333336,5.306982252688176,7.188279569892478,80.33575268817208,65.18279569892474,10.632258064516133,34.645161290322584,9.444778638647367,2.8655741935483867,713,26,152,11,9,232,108,186,0.09,0.8170000000000001,0.09300000000000001,0.1697,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,4,0,0,1,13,7,1,2,9,0,18,0,0,2,1,29,37,12,0,4,5,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,9,0,0,3,4,3,0,2,8,2,17,4,22,25,11,15,0,0,1,0,29,5,0,8,8,102,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539312563328404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808525864419856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956806896074599,0.0,0.0,0.13526007510368396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495441440918547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247728273825304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492317675300504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492787650514536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626381781865754,0.0,0.0,0.12167072806108385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852893813822916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011681699996431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371575817844915,0.0,0.12423532130337778,0.0,0.06757069268497418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969272295995944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068301874964006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808602626316176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021603279135514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480281450213814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113247741302314,0.18084980748275611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523341921838754,0.0,0.2347886745864598,0.0,0.1346847068141334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474381539814948,0.10823742127452536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835106236874973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153107707153936,0.11759006331076048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822527608182447,0.1039193540085394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618302982391742,0.11681360288106073,0.0,0.06932855290620472,0.0,0.0,0.22721828053931925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377374929852746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701272728457522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893641123230726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656439604037017
bpd,yesdnilbrown,2018/11/08,"Misdiagnosis? Hey guys so i’m diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I really think I have BPD instead because all the signs & symptoms just make more sense. Would it be rude or wrong to bring this up to my psychiatrist? I’m just scared that i’m not getting the proper treatment, but I don’t wanna be that person who tries to self diagnose anything.",3.9072139303482594,6.209859447761192,4.967985074626867,79.33366915422886,73.92537313432838,8.048756218905472,29.07711442786069,8.841846274778883,2.5587830845771142,281,12,51,6,6,92,53,67,0.20199999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.0,-0.935,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,2,0,5,4,0,1,1,13,12,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564000055761874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947350616080587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425392141124527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980405683761328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803704823819972,0.0,0.0,0.27121064435224645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363495343583425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343114116900339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795944688097605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066254558256412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159803636960364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369185361401963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468677690075103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24596020522701706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516297498338698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066344289092327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681027020935359,0.258729362110156,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonymous-racoon,2018/11/08,"Can anyone else relate to this? I randomly got with a guy a couple of weeks ago which is something i rarely do. Basically i met him out, went back to his place and hooked up. Now i don’t know anything about this guy really, nothing personal at least, but I’m finding myself obsessing over him. You can even tell by my post history I’m always just finding a way to talk about this guy. I have reached out to him a handful of times to get together again but haven’t really gotten an answer from him. It’s actually eating away at me and is even affecting my social life and school. I have him on snap chat so I’m constantly looking at his location and making assumptions that he’s with another girl. It’s crazy because i don’t know him I’ve only met him once. I’m acting like he’s an ex or someone serious but he’s a stranger. Does anyone else become infatuated with someone they just met? I’m constantly fantasizing about this guy and the fact he isn’t giving me any attention whatsoever is driving me mad!!! ",3.1485685308606217,4.951199655172418,5.052280498406257,80.10879455230369,74.61576354679805,8.717357287742685,27.21211243117937,9.325443323948027,2.4795942625326,802,31,157,20,17,275,118,203,0.069,0.882,0.049,-0.7128,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,11,4,1,1,8,0,12,3,1,2,1,26,29,10,0,0,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,8,10,1,0,6,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,6,2,24,1,24,23,1,23,0,0,1,0,30,10,0,2,9,94,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.11962338325029508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866248600564128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199892542577882,0.0,0.0,0.08336068401028217,0.1285390260966091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142585079700506,0.25120166130118704,0.1008754132125756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517081958513176,0.0942588061526116,0.0,0.07472549529463668,0.1353833583527365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649374777734069,0.0,0.0,0.1356358237665361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727326143861217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254330727599319,0.2048048333904574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192990937899185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407739120204476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404458915805847,0.11759284055907215,0.0,0.0,0.0980408708554652,0.0,0.0,0.4855060055333343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473688735134282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658404013459084,0.05988789096080109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293889664515997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182514408740116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762175167090776,0.0,0.0,0.13054695768618907,0.0,0.0932299405517952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070347993038855,0.12807320670027245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740068591088335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705969366500547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406060060831815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495799190864665,0.20772845702973475,0.09437042806733488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985276198600392,0.10714299706756243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147916777963663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730072685707562,0.0983287362324452,0.0,0.0,0.1136357242609738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AltruisticPlankton6,2018/11/08,"Should I tell my girlfriend I suspect she has BDP? (and help her in her challenges if she allows and wants me to) Throwaway just in case. I'm M32 with F25.

​

First of all, I understand a diagnosis can only be made by a specialist. I know I don't have the skills or experience to diagnose someone, and I don't want to. My questions might seem a bit naive...

I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 3 months with my current girlfriend. She has had a very complicated childhood and teenage years, but she is working hard today to get to her objectives and life goals, and I'm actively helping and supporting her in those. Things have mostly been good, with some very complicated periods. Our fights can be absolutely heartbreaking and violent, and I've started to notice a pattern. Her behaviour at times has been difficult and hard to understand for me, and after a big fight a month ago and randomly seeing a documentary on TV, I've started reading up on certain disorders, and went from forums to wikipedia pages and more specialised websites and so on. 

Based on my research, her past and childhood, the way she sees life, how she reacts to events in life and in our relationship, and how she behaves with me, it seems that it closely fits with BPD. 

​

**My question is**: Should I bring this up with her? If so, how? 

Do I casually mention an online article about BPD, asking her to read it and ask what she thinks about it?

Do I take a transparent and honest approach, explaining that I think she has some similar traits to BPD and suggesting a consultation with a therapist?

Do I not take action and wait for her to work on it or discover it on her own, while supporting her?

Is discovering and knowing you have BPD beneficial for you in the long run, or does it bring even more pressure?

 

Again, I am not a specialist and maybe I'm wrong, it's a tough topic. I don't want her to feel attacked, nor accuse her wrongly, and I don't want her to flee. I want to help her find answers, solutions and support her in this journey if she allows and wants me to. I will of course make sure to tell her this and keep proving myself I'm on her side and that she has my support, but she is continuously afraid I will leave her and this will of course not help with that trust and self-confidence. 

I feel it's like a continuous push - pull battle between her and myself. Going from absolutely loving me more than anything in the universe to pushing me away hating me passionately as if I'm the worst human being on the planet. She is very afraid of losing me (she already lost her family) and sees and seeks for clues of this in the smallest things - and she'd rather take the initiative and action and decision to get rid of me by pushing me away, rather than being in doubt, taking the risk of me leaving her one day. This has been the main source and underlying reason in most our fights. I usually manage to reassure her after a while once she becomes more open to me again, and after a crisis she is usually aware of this and we tend to talk about it. 

In advance, thank you for your help and opinion on this.

​

**TL;DR** : I suspect my girlfriend has BPD, should I tell her this and if so, what is the best way to approach the subject? 

​",5.1467718715393165,6.212471055555558,5.707445551864157,80.23835548172758,68.60317460317461,8.908084163898117,30.841638981173862,9.164851162284878,2.5847696566998883,2575,102,494,48,43,832,272,630,0.12,0.7509999999999999,0.129,0.8922,2,0,0,0,3,0,96.0,4,4,0,10,18,37,7,5,30,0,45,6,0,9,4,120,97,63,0,16,16,0,4,1,3,7,4,0,0,1,28,54,0,2,20,4,0,16,8,20,0,2,8,7,92,17,87,77,15,80,0,3,3,2,77,33,0,20,30,367,120,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255417455307607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542446243410463,0.0,0.0,0.256948909301144,0.2881598243215743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878798809933492,0.0,0.1108503171522858,0.0674472984300246,0.11140380785294413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547761705067179,0.0,0.0,0.062217843055140123,0.0,0.06472583478114267,0.0,0.3733482707988125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038235083881895185,0.0,0.0,0.060174858046094126,0.0,0.0,0.06794781371061936,0.0,0.05188228167566408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039158374871091764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579938705225936,0.05589032238687788,0.0,0.0599543789067338,0.04235450459798278,0.0,0.0,0.05418706475212983,0.05042932516514535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194981619724602,0.0,0.03369405695770463,0.04972695832168534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621866247344118,0.05853344472956589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869347492456266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269683542734524,0.0,0.0,0.06516495394954433,0.0,0.0,0.12555233011844955,0.0,0.0,0.12562806887671232,0.028964537724694886,0.0,0.0,0.05246695586126682,0.0,0.06632676865863739,0.06471854998790381,0.0,0.05350865528892648,0.05609860740573582,0.03957440201558273,0.0,0.059561563269956735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289392998991801,0.0,0.0,0.09464432259000764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749841926336485,0.0,0.0631385113097526,0.04017427272058853,0.045090285980366615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565959628253877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328295777244676,0.0,0.11860569563038395,0.0,0.0,0.06095670867830276,0.0,0.12730367998078432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173172061289438,0.10794495934447954,0.06184906650600485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023351660579107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392700998652364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26911185023197537,0.055877111105614906,0.0,0.17830519298870906,0.047652487282085584,0.15545783950873535,0.054583323656779564,0.0,0.06883654893228146,0.0787750363456773,0.07597718016788645,0.0,0.0,0.03457061216328707,0.0,0.056196957933890165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343930757603808,0.0,0.0,0.1305920771796599,0.14675346686023308,0.20981335827673445,0.09411821082618073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549594612437488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632299877651528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296416262725688,0.2881598243215743,0.07635751591725669
bpd,rjg31,2018/11/08,"Mental Health Subreddit Research Hello there!

My name is Ryan, and I am a Counselling Psychology graduate student at City University of Seattle (Calgary Alberta campus). For my thesis, I am really interested in levels of belongingness and stigma attitudes on mental health subreddits, as well as offline. I would LOVE to have your input regarding your experience on mental health related subreddits! The survey will only take about 15-30 minutes, and the results will hopefully help inform future research and clinicians about the world of Reddit. Each participant that completes the study will be entered into a draw to win a $50 gift card (2 available) to Apple or Google Play (whichever the winner prefers). Two winners will be chosen from the reddit usernames provided in the survey. Thanks for your time everyone, I greatly appreciate it!

I will be sure to provide an update after the study is complete, so everyone knows how their participation impacted mental health research. 

Here is the Survey Monkey link to the study: [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SNYN33Z](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SNYN33Z)

Please contact me if you need more information, and I will gladly answer any questions you have!

​

Ryan Gawthrop

​

403-869-2260

[rgawthrop@cityuniversity.edu](mailto:rgawthrop@cityuniversity.edu)

​",11.92533381191673,14.88529066834171,10.055078966259872,48.2899120603015,54.376884422110564,10.911844938980618,39.842426417803296,10.914260884657429,5.349015506101939,1109,51,122,26,14,339,135,199,0.006999999999999999,0.7829999999999999,0.21,0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,0,5,1,1,7,10,0,0,14,0,17,5,0,2,1,23,23,11,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,15,10,22,13,2,13,0,0,0,1,14,8,0,4,4,85,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33595446227840586,0.3767619761200651,0.07028476936247036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167309630651557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975197720372512,0.0,0.1011007707841095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394896893016802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43944503450138506,0.0,0.0,0.06927650554663492,0.0,0.0,0.10265458029864932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680106374210056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328169071288517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166290862244679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663623226295717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786059393244843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345247086599675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578096590086738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621169485619598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741062203748127,0.0,0.07770990401022164,0.0,0.0,0.09515516112188156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060266981746375875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096256578942284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292832627976194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342024396927427,0.0,0.3767619761200651,0.0
bpd,shades-ov-red,2018/11/08,"major issues knowing when something is actually wrong and when it’s just... me i’ve always kind of struggled with this pre-diagnosis but if anything feel like it’s gotten significantly worse after my diagnosis - i literally cannot tell when i am in the right to be angry/hurt/upset and tend to assume my feelings/thoughts are wrong and it’s just my bpd.

for ex- i dated someone for a pretty long time and it was a pretty toxic relationship but it took me a long long long time to accept and believe that it wasn’t all my fault and that they had been cruel, manipulative and insensitive to me as well. 

i usually look for outside reassurance in these situations from a source i know will be truthful and honest with me - usually always my dad. he never hesitates to tell me when i am in the wrong, but there’s been plenty of times where he is actually shocked and frustrated that i am defending someone who he claims legitimately did mistreat me 

i usually always just took responsibility for every bad thing that happened to me before being diagnosed but after i officially was, it got worse and i now often find myself just immediately believing i am wrong and i am the problem when in reality, it might not actually be me.",6.259928160919544,7.199559504310348,7.887689655172416,66.0596091954023,66.02586206896552,10.497011494252872,32.70804597701149,10.504223727775694,3.650337011494254,983,40,169,25,15,343,125,232,0.19399999999999998,0.685,0.121,-0.9659,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,14,18,2,1,7,0,22,1,0,1,3,36,32,22,0,2,10,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,16,13,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,11,1,0,11,2,27,7,22,15,2,28,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,4,21,127,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.28178464852318524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402685041160192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920732018661457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036652677486658,0.0,0.0,0.08190349236189506,0.2168864300732508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212262164452055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769390856488368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109658969403268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866798029246887,0.06876255688607899,0.0,0.0,0.08797272351251709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698163905270895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511546046424273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030399198477418,0.0,0.0,0.10046223998127372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002318050143443,0.1057953314639329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702393976455978,0.0,0.0,0.34072050387968245,0.08082756626778861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021083230643378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742355936656481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584608446983656,0.0,0.09210031068212733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333879028421912,0.0,0.08219881221218434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819145207233144,0.0,0.0,0.16310827270816494,0.07409960935005544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062364824121013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682572473155621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394565311691262,0.0,0.0,0.07641345751298624,0.16837621226086671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138793657207819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180244423056691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654224440051259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961783326353736,0.0,0.4209464748075875,0.0,0.0
bpd,adisgustingmouth,2018/11/08,Any other Rapid/Ultradian Cycling Folks Around? How do you deal with the influx of such mood shifting all day long?,4.678571428571427,7.420699952380954,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,73.28571428571429,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.1634571428571427,93,3,16,1,2,28,21,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626201285324185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746948769774174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438943991870936,0.5497449681798353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718988539117538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,usaklig,2018/11/08,"loosing a loved one, and how to manage Hi guys.

My best friend killed himself two days ago. There is no sugarcoating it. 

It's like I've gone through all the five faces of grief in a couple of days. And now I'm just so numb. Sudden bursts of anger and helplessness now and then, but mostly I'm in a state of mind that must be like what APDs experience on a day to day basis. 

I lost my father two years ago, and that made me spiral into a fog of drugs, sex and loosing close to one third of my body weight.

I've made a lot of progress the last six months. But I have no idea how I'm suppose to handle this. I'm so scared of myself and what I'll do next. I'm so scared of loosing all control.

I've already lost him. I don't want to loose myself. 

What the fuck do I do now.

​

​

​

​",0.9191601496089774,2.8398998959537596,2.2250663039782417,97.23536212172728,81.83236994219651,4.764229853791226,19.425025501530094,5.5289334501034215,-0.43586405984359056,634,16,148,3,17,203,97,173,0.201,0.701,0.09699999999999999,-0.9619,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,5,10,15,3,2,9,0,8,8,2,5,3,25,21,15,2,2,3,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,8,9,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,10,0,7,5,1,12,5,19,14,5,22,0,4,0,3,7,5,1,2,17,90,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510882719073403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277162902796448,0.0,0.0,0.4036266711772281,0.4526541520424117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773452998292848,0.0,0.0,0.1034467959014204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044535780707692,0.0,0.10304693280245412,0.0,0.24024541954905645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800160961441688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109932776668693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719522577659486,0.08609748441034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221366328245198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513280061095986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303490576399997,0.0,0.0,0.07591364448757754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909975448100008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332550129192825,0.07917607160271815,0.08405375400183891,0.17624432986650962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940350793744196,0.0,0.07433573658033511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904515675224927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262150363609664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647940328151527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194958953689716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054930678372395285,0.0,0.0,0.11340764590687814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526541520424117,0.05997287564455778
bpd,babyteeeff,2018/11/08,"Does anyone feel like someone ""new"" everyday? first post in here. really struggling right now. i'm sure most of us struggle with our identity and sense of self, but does anyone else feel like they're someone different almost every day? i feel like i can't hold on to feelings, opinions i have, decisions i make, i constantly change my appearance, and if i do something as simple as watching a movie and i like a character, i will try and act like that person until i move onto something else. (i read that someone else on here does that too with movies and was blown away that others do that as well.) and this also depends on who i am with. i act completely different depending on who i am around. i think this is my way of getting someone to like me? or maybe i want people to find me interesting? but it also feels like something i can't help at the same time because i really don't know who i am? i don't know.",3.1919963369963367,4.924712302197804,4.443098901098903,84.81856776556778,74.32967032967035,7.71047619047619,26.419047619047607,8.447377352677275,1.837374652014652,717,26,142,13,15,236,103,182,0.038,0.8009999999999999,0.162,0.9688,2,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,1,8,12,0,2,3,0,13,0,0,3,1,35,26,16,0,2,4,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,10,0,1,10,1,0,4,4,2,1,1,1,6,25,10,22,24,2,24,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,8,15,95,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163615689635344,0.0,0.0,0.16233674028288905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194032087612585,0.10399728000162653,0.0,0.09035524667266434,0.0,0.0,0.095361248093427,0.0,0.0,0.061872586488183674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737202933636687,0.0,0.10641932005587046,0.10968389665978497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654581811915694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120888065615908,0.0,0.0,0.2664662490382897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25436709486873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551692322580833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660363462438296,0.2900423961216109,0.0,0.0,0.09276785461594768,0.08633463219866838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302881387614667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803235229387394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156191983638764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471095225156869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775108394389176,0.0,0.10196895638102893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078769175196648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802795184601623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036632890811326,0.08862463675968915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972075737223594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152603743341104,0.0,0.1300451665362619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667922461009782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588514502505178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439976375653864,0.23441567497815602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221668713345396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566120148999396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503618563014267,0.0,0.0,0.05918463267604977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891086681393388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209028309659105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986648660565809,0.08056484087646645,0.0,0.0,0.09125940434869297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,manicpixiedreamsgrl,2018/11/08,it wasn’t my fault my boyfriend broke up with me two days ago and he keeps saying it wasn’t my fault but he doesn’t feel anything. he said it was my fault for pushing him into a negative headspace because i pushed him away the first time we were dating. now it’s over and i want to move on i really do but i feel stuck because i just care about him so much. ,0.4130769230769218,2.3471433205128207,1.6766025641025628,100.4079807692308,83.74358974358974,4.925641025641027,18.724358974358974,5.985473137389443,-0.4773641025641031,281,7,69,2,8,89,54,78,0.203,0.728,0.07,-0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,12,13,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,4,0,2,6,4,14,1,9,7,1,14,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,6,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450677454179221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22750547123340945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597460644531657,0.0,0.0,0.33705852553646604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818724270408008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829574686475105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27957597263308337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351592642500384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457329937852272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29383638879830337,0.20323209595188954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771092602304081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629795974307973,0.21985445314610055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120778325645446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27006415372337017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306502483297164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrsBluebeard,2018/11/08,"The Desire to Be Someone's FP I always seem to find myself longing to be someone's FP in the same way I've felt towards others. I know this desire isn't realistic, and people without BPD don't feel in this fashion for people they love and care about.

But damn, I'd be lying if I didn't look around me all the time and think about all the people I love loving other people the same amount or typically more (since I'm a toxic POS.) 

The feelings particularly manifest themselves when I'm in a relationship, and the person I'm dating (which is always also my FP) has sooo many friends they're closer to and willing to share more of themselves with. It's probably because I'm too much already, and trying to be my best friend is pointless, because I'll get scared the good times will end and I'll disappear. 

Sorry about the emotional rant. I needed to get it out and I'm just feeling very low this morning.",5.501573426573426,5.704209686813186,6.423166833166835,78.4809240759241,67.51648351648353,8.376423576423576,30.281718281718287,8.00094639256281,2.062059340659341,721,25,137,8,11,240,109,182,0.092,0.7040000000000001,0.204,0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,9,12,1,1,11,0,12,3,0,0,2,31,32,13,0,4,5,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,5,10,9,20,24,9,16,0,1,1,3,9,8,1,3,6,85,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150111364743737,0.10878232814487966,0.22637402095910056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109463422795287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584401029122992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275402479348684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132374151570975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138690613496768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301429629167485,0.1204813029379056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634102226940434,0.0,0.13060915537572884,0.0,0.12432802561568003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019130886211304,0.0,0.14213905791520365,0.0,0.0,0.11409465665448032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475797130684321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038136891406252,0.1142300855101396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683144028480022,0.0,0.0,0.1379120376436299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999695381954343,0.10086376689337076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772214752270585,0.11877526062077085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466622502926348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604421976002294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361887419122697,0.0,0.0,0.12383567676025935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252457999376896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305138308524084,0.0,0.0,0.1522733090316911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716187936484271,0.0,0.0,0.15863918720262316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235474992830801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223815665510073,0.0,0.10797347466619732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112708490701822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Evie1802,2018/11/08,"I know it was my fault, but was it ALL my fault? Me and my FP recently broke up and I know I’m the one that pushed him away through my terrible ups and downs and my lack of control over my anger and paranoia. 

He said he doesn’t hate me, but did say numerous times that he resented me for the arguing and conflicts. 

I feel I lost control of myself and forgot who I was during that relationship. I became excessively needy and involved my ex in all my issues. 

We tried to work through it but we couldn’t and broke up a few days ago... 

I’m going to use this an opportunity to grow, attend therapy and become the best version of myself. The trouble is I can’t help beating myself up about my past actions, the way I attacked him with my words and said such hurtful things.

I can see now that I drained him, but I don’t know if it was ALL my fault. My ex was almost apathetic, which was so frustrating to deal with. 

Maybe he wasn’t, but that’s how I saw him. He would always say that he had to deal with issues growing up and I clearly didn’t learn any emotional intelligence. 

We were on different wavelengths when it came to emotions. My ex also rarely complimented me, praised me for my efforts or anything else of the sort. He always said I was demanding too much of him. 

Has anyone else found themselves in this situation? Being an extremely emotional person I’m starting to think perhaps what pushed us apart was incompatibility as he was for the most part the opposite of emotional. 

And, how do I forgive myself for the things I’ve said and the way I was in that relationship? 

I need to move on but feel so so guilty...",3.8692592592592585,5.163995864197531,5.080555555555557,82.68250000000003,71.83950617283949,8.239506172839508,28.314814814814817,8.72156446121922,2.0431259259259256,1276,48,261,23,24,423,161,324,0.23399999999999999,0.684,0.08199999999999999,-0.996,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,4,0,0,9,13,20,6,0,13,0,25,0,0,5,4,57,49,30,0,5,8,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,19,21,0,4,9,0,0,9,6,15,0,1,24,10,49,5,38,22,10,33,1,4,2,0,37,14,0,5,8,186,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757597015657949,0.0,0.0989291064070516,0.0,0.0,0.07900647340295114,0.16441101575068767,0.0,0.0,0.0671841133354663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907989015033837,0.10122734166165608,0.08130001900176026,0.0,0.0,0.11239378497866664,0.09282132803746702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911151940865063,0.0,0.0,0.10367945102250248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299537180493854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161440042951255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371472092275829,0.20370699440913376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321994038732192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506139916580573,0.4445251406694967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990762755848584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083238205331519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614758012423803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753979112774816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662203297008385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576228840749158,0.0,0.0,0.2062330097822754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628857491589925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784661447957264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925304187093628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500364612419294,0.07262582817493927,0.0732553775257443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694617390074897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069855573634922,0.09431118257548443,0.0,0.08626414445428675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754832601811103,0.21213811031434726,0.0,0.0,0.3759073775639268,0.15713179222895754,0.0,0.0,0.07872697104267741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104992680708102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992774013116469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112980903635842,0.0,0.1312702614161543,0.06330396509457148,0.0,0.0,0.05760826660970751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707544523343169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188384427015172,0.08532731899989905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683803794082832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192407100832357,0.0,0.0,0.07018126454268749,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sometimesiactcrazy,2018/11/08,"detaching from the diagnosis vs feeling validated I've been struggling with this a lot lately because my new therapist called out that I often justify my actions with symptoms of BPD even when it's not really the case. She says I'm really well educated about the diagnosis, but that I focus on it too much instead of focusing on myself outside of it.

But the thing is that being diagnosed early this year really helped me to feel validated, because before that I was just diagnosed with depression and it didn't really fit anymore. So I'm kind of affraid of letting go of this because it's just such a big part of who I am and it would feel like I've been faking or something like that. 

Also, it's difficult for me in general to understand my feelings / my identity so I've always tried to hold on to some labels and was kinda obsessed with personality tests a few years ago because of this. So then when I learned about BPD everything clicked and I felt like I belonged somewhere.

However, I do understand that it's unhealthy to hold on to a diagnosis so much if you want to get better. But that's kinda the point too, I've been feeling like shit for so long that I'm almost scared to get better. 

Idk, DAE relate or have any tips?

**TL;DR:** Felt validated with my diagnosis, but my therapist says I justify / explain everything with it. ",4.210066445182721,6.13077734883721,5.986699889258031,74.02313953488374,72.02325581395348,9.565448504983387,31.277962347729787,9.957137785484203,3.497000885935772,1068,49,189,30,21,367,133,258,0.12,0.76,0.12,-0.6142,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,19,15,1,3,9,0,13,4,1,0,0,44,30,20,0,3,11,0,7,4,0,1,3,2,0,1,23,11,0,2,11,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,8,10,20,8,33,19,6,21,0,1,1,0,9,9,1,9,14,134,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515406634786004,0.0,0.10748960859880198,0.0,0.0,0.08584303660757163,0.08931888892060792,0.0,0.0,0.0729976678124738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645650126841603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26174386390436233,0.0,0.09134192136497622,0.0,0.0,0.18987426339592928,0.0,0.0,0.2703922680362575,0.0,0.10961032612770084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245531455077256,0.217904000345714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089976452384691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192947907882984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713820070836871,0.15337329051099344,0.20613433629165145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216572176806178,0.0,0.061006124794977724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195048635675727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178235979775296,0.0,0.0,0.12108881843318145,0.0,0.0,0.10976661327059957,0.0,0.2097716170278537,0.0,0.0,0.0949961490509418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126011369149582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782052680365918,0.0,0.0,0.10367359901669546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624319782501093,0.0,0.0,0.09372872615819827,0.0,0.0,0.10147486954800154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27506951222887777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072867084863325,0.10747016870188557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018717430238664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263873120967385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122193584187352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115716194281058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492695432841363,0.07131464910957228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287959647655358,0.0,0.0,0.2234979839929145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633143303518444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651523585651008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762541675613957,0.0,0.0,0.13825215974823352
bpd,SinglePartyLeader,2018/11/08,Insomniac chat Any other bpder's or supporters want to set up a chat room or discord? i kinda got sick of finding the weird youtube shit,4.508888888888889,5.962494148148147,5.408333333333335,80.33250000000002,70.48148148148148,8.362962962962964,32.01851851851852,8.841846274778883,2.674051851851852,110,5,21,2,2,36,25,27,0.332,0.542,0.126,-0.7796,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31614844443215384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249108527720552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718235902179721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772139274581244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275638489379505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742105008398456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alien_crybaby,2018/11/08,"DAE constantly seek to fill the void? I need to be distracted all the time. Whether it being over working myself, non stop background noise like tv/podcasts, getting high or drunk. Anything to stay away from the silence. The silence makes me think and I just end up caving in on myself. I'm introverted, but I'm constantly surrounding myself with people to keep myself from slipping. It's exhausting. Just living to avoid your own head...",3.8259774964838265,6.878466,3.9649789029535865,82.26985935302395,78.87341772151899,6.549085794655415,27.76511954992969,7.793537801064563,2.1655558368495083,350,15,57,6,9,108,60,79,0.138,0.84,0.022000000000000002,-0.8074,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,2,4,0,2,3,1,1,1,14,9,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,13,7,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,6,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664661276060772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593122444987974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427331659087384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224137470487179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119745430205226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577168908187399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653172522027764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223202943357538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268232087780295,0.0,0.2217395363815501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762150781655666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619891874646244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409182945119647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676556497393012,0.0,0.209943754140746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090463596110235,0.0,0.0,0.14642743394252253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828150329153268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ClicheDepressedCunt,2018/11/08,"Worth trying to reconnect with old FP? It wasn’t the best friendship, I mean it was pretty typical. I mostly helped them with their personal issues and I guess I got validation from that. I also enjoyed talking to them and did so A LOT.

Ever since the friendship just sort of ended I have been constantly thinking about them (6 or 7 months) 

The friendship made me feel pretty terrible a lot of the time because of jealousy/obsession. But I really want to contact them again. I have been on the edge of doing it for a long time but can’t shake the feeling they never really cared or actively disliked me. 

I’m scared that if I do message them my paranoia will be confirmed.

I have no idea what to do. Has anyone been in something similar? Did you just let them go or try reconnect? ",3.1174530075187974,5.341604861842106,4.4034962406015055,82.82947368421053,76.03947368421052,7.50075187969925,27.304511278195488,8.418075326091056,2.14866954887218,617,25,114,12,14,203,99,152,0.126,0.728,0.146,-0.4627,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,8,1,7,6,0,2,9,0,18,0,0,1,2,26,29,10,0,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,9,2,22,3,15,17,4,14,0,0,0,0,14,2,0,9,10,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519344456797028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820738095939873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305452822436506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741308415526252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236312264710116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268869729961687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973279785407184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292017735530686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709588559833257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607801024654146,0.0,0.13520894913949186,0.0,0.1862334479425059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331418916805648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908428311419581,0.0,0.17644978806916514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287047538231806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960860098181064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874495034004815,0.0,0.15996419142731125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841507577625593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493830984785035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038585215633164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773950758783812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476125477972337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439799879568676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660227971579796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925382499606564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984427275412925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014701213373686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588022858477716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832379585273318,0.0,0.0,0.19715498396781828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295548730744676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997131829097626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jffkfkieo93,2018/11/08,"Quiet borderlines and black and white thinking For me personally, I do not apply my black and white thinking to anyone but directed to myself. For instance, if someone doesn't text me back my emotions immediately go to, ""they hate me"" and when I get a text they go to ""they love me."" I am a male so I've been taught to hide my emotions, perhaps a consequence of this is that I know not to act on these emotions because I know they're wrong, even my anger. This frustrates people because sometimes I don't act when I should. Especially when I'm trying to court women. It's this familiar to anyone? I'm afraid to act on my emotions because I'm afraid it'll ""unleash the beast"" and hurt everyone around me. ",4.3599999999999985,5.590018705035972,5.281359712230215,81.9552769784173,70.58273381294964,7.8621582733812945,30.446762589928056,8.238735603445708,2.168144748201439,556,23,108,8,10,182,77,139,0.172,0.787,0.04,-0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,0,7,8,3,2,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,15,21,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,5,4,7,0,0,2,5,21,1,15,17,0,12,0,1,4,1,7,3,0,1,4,69,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049610905825187,0.0,0.0,0.1403616689137136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124017413066837,0.0,0.2883464929585631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7094399229854303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414098804883057,0.0,0.0,0.15066252517300804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237720652941867,0.0,0.17921746724680168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566863507756834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879133006868513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733050136223103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230529865699004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931003704361672,0.13767326614166622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335951267057413,0.0,0.1559418179875479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205993322998972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704906055245884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238977736853833,0.0,0.0
bpd,uhhhhuhhh,2018/11/08,TMS Hi guys! I was wondering if any of you have heard of or tried TMS and what your experience is with it or what you know about it. Thank you!,0.4495698924731215,2.199898258064522,2.143225806451614,98.1015053763441,82.54838709677419,6.713978494623658,16.78494623655914,7.793537801064563,-0.12113763440860215,110,2,29,2,3,36,24,31,0.0,0.904,0.096,0.4738,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,4,0,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986062653359923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295286711512379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347827061154588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132046907159604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042686281506348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981232794856368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476190335005929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cattoh,2018/11/08,"Fp might leave me Iv been dating my fp for over a year and we’ve definitely had problems which he says is due to long distance but I know 100% it’s my bpd/problems that cause our drama. His parents are officially done with him seeing me he was meant to visit me in two days but they don’t want him to now and they don’t want him with me, he says he doesn’t know what to do and that breaks my fucking heart. He also said he wish I’d stop being so psychotic which I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I just wish I could go back in time and change a lot of stuff, I don’t want him to leave me I love him too much ",0.524760191846525,1.8225166258992795,2.4253417266187083,98.30525479616308,80.58273381294964,5.496642685851318,17.338729016786573,5.985473137389443,-0.69128824940048,477,8,124,3,12,159,83,139,0.052000000000000005,0.807,0.141,0.9194,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,17,4,1,1,0,24,31,8,0,7,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,9,6,0,1,4,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,8,4,24,1,12,20,2,15,0,0,1,2,21,3,1,2,9,79,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344482681844987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869637978341087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944160412997296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857433897263454,0.16329663320177445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324708508878172,0.0,0.0,0.09955200316284424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796795552827536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270702111897585,0.0,0.0,0.08772861268419435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292207106596814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545032353687391,0.0,0.0,0.3268983534510509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660727336128306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123474396157475,0.13931952750560342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375579916655525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347529380126713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140294285074534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954109817225524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683550323302771,0.2455128807034156,0.0,0.0,0.12300811424322372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905520737780374,0.0,0.0,0.17670983698208428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001088377500974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079118800312247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731436417308721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550219401930517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940534836515813
bpd,Fazomanzo,2018/11/08,"I don’t know what to believe anymore.. People tell me I probably don’t have bdp and it’s just trauma, but I resonate with so many posts and emotions and opinions and ideas that I see in this sub. Maybe I just want to have bdp so I can give a reason to the pain throughout my life.. does anyone else feel that trauma alone can cause the symptoms of bdp but actually not have bdp?",1.3792307692307697,3.5532666025641038,2.584294871794872,93.90028846153848,81.69230769230771,4.925641025641027,21.28846153846154,5.985473137389443,0.06481538461538427,297,9,64,2,8,95,54,78,0.163,0.818,0.019,-0.9022,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,2,0,17,12,8,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,8,0,6,12,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.20588359432958075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850904999132914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923297666247406,0.14752036501612134,0.21617136852766095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376993815249559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167319965051373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846278214203894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624461910708536,0.2373212771028329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667655705044822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238883087824186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23816790357990925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594770981619873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490196390549108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389805851246424,0.21195524390522172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449492215289246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626522557221158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205811385150912,0.0,0.2274694155105371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691999582029425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812174251514062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192863917736252,0.0,0.0,0.18440362364069046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244399886062942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SirMeepALot,2018/11/08,"Got laid off I was laid off on election day this year. I worked almost 2 years for this company, which is a start up. It was my first full-time position out of college. I learned a lot and I have no begrudging feelings toward the company or anyone there. I complained a lot to people about how I felt I didn't fit in and how much I thought it was toxic, but in the end I was consoled by a lot of my caring coworkers, who saw me as a talented, creative, and one of a kind personality.

​

Now I'm left with unanswered questions and the fear of losing my cool in the coming months as I search for a new job. I must say I am very proud of my resilience through this rough time, and it's a testament to how all of us borderlines can hold up under pressure. Whatever we think is the hardest and most difficult thing we could ever face will only prove to be another bowling pin we knock down in a strike.",8.208716216216217,5.485660702702706,8.417939189189187,75.89826013513516,63.59459459459461,11.844594594594595,38.26013513513513,10.125756701596842,3.575986486486485,710,28,149,12,8,235,122,185,0.11,0.76,0.13,0.8314,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,4,0,0,4,7,10,0,2,14,1,14,1,1,3,4,34,24,13,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,9,12,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,9,6,21,5,30,11,6,27,1,1,1,0,9,15,0,7,11,111,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057817149253098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375085370157078,0.19485591752284304,0.0,0.16815227501189772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212799599750103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349851734663834,0.0,0.0,0.13813662503439791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803504562763204,0.0,0.0,0.10341944605095674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203206620610845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505551933616087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804504766205855,0.08108323593608703,0.0,0.15397151052566382,0.0,0.0,0.136402809770543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282551764948298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913334433546372,0.0,0.0,0.16699109035218346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423247229206398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940271019712056,0.0,0.4089990384506122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799845613469954,0.0,0.11788363521123668,0.0,0.0,0.15487745447364445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866462443490756,0.12196161025232707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117398350893623,0.1400208602394649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964078998596972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752534009380165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135041956273742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065365862237794,0.10275272194704388,0.0,0.1273085582550136,0.09350766878433747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928942909229526,0.0,0.0,0.13231444969602316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674456818900693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485591752284304,0.2065341878778788
bpd,sadcowbread,2018/11/08,"Does anyone talk about their problems to much with their FP’s? Or do you ever ruminate on your pain a lot and tell it to other people? Hate myself for this. Been called self absorbed a lot. Just want the pain to stop,",1.1677272727272765,3.55461122727273,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,84.45454545454547,4.42909090909091,15.618181818181819,5.6839178017228535,-0.7550036363636363,170,3,36,1,5,53,38,44,0.3,0.675,0.025,-0.9356,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,2,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,7,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,2,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696252856021049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477125604114918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122930412699665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194374712280268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23950841397701464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124844296079726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833231667643482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162679102948969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681820720727702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321268488385903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25307534680817656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281695988509946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498547716989675,0.21203524898204315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308647219899834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HayyleeB,2018/11/08,"Disassociation SOS All day I’ve been in like a dissociative trance that I can’t get out of, I can’t focus on anything for more than a couple seconds, I could barely feel like I could safely drive earlier because I couldn’t keep my mind focused on what was going on. I need help, I don’t know how to get out of this state. I’m an independent food courier (postmates, Uber eats, etc) and I’ve been putting off work but i really need the money and have to go out driving tonight but i can’t go like this. Please help",3.085070093457944,4.242573710280375,4.514100467289719,86.52105724299066,73.57943925233644,7.219158878504674,25.524532710280376,7.645422480735847,1.1213934579439258,405,13,89,5,8,135,70,107,0.0,0.804,0.196,0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,2,1,20,22,5,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,2,2,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,3,1,10,4,14,16,3,17,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403047579743035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150888067787215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182953776545786,0.22055333404897254,0.0,0.12855047411531662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396294746458965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223041088090536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078654276732747,0.14240041067539486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410289665053587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082819608324072,0.0,0.33984915609135474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672115534943742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717244192498602,0.0,0.0,0.10954580028897633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921456954462377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012650906684152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955993018896603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880297475072916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038032467557812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276950223052857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511361416198493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,An__accident_,2019/09/11,DAE have a problem falling a sleep at night I have a really hard time falling asleep and the sleeping well and it’s been an issue for years. But it keeps getting pushed aside as irrelevant when I bring it up even though lack of sleep makes me even more emotionally volatile and I was wondering if any of you had similar issues/ if it was a bpd thing,6.16,6.027898285714286,6.237857142857145,81.50964285714288,66.14285714285714,9.857142857142858,33.214285714285715,9.516144504307137,2.7618571428571435,280,11,58,5,4,89,53,70,0.146,0.8240000000000001,0.031,-0.6997,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,6,4,4,1,0,11,11,9,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,4,1,5,1,6,7,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,4,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064756900416594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241967267962658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161081173301964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537856935869278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003742949174798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210096828864185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010448309696317,0.0,0.17076427421708434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282409841684597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802907511295272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383202254224726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230764083182246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.576773507267312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763538644119024,0.0,0.18875603013614398,0.0,0.11202618615387754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273813416765152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083449574703388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237183948608002
bpd,neighborly_troll,2019/09/11,"feeling like some destructive habits would be a good idea (CW: suicide, self harm, substance abuse) so i think it's worth leading this off with a bit of background - I've struggled emotionally for a v long time, only identified my feelings as suicidal (or only became suicidal, I'm still not sure) my freshman year of college, then it took another year before a psychiatrist I was meeting with at my new school suggested i have bpd & that i get a second opinion, and while I've yet to get a 2nd opinion bc medical costs in the us yikes, the diagnosis makes too much sense for my experience based on my own research & meeting w a therapist who worked w me on some symptoms/past stuff related to it, so that's what we're going w for now. 

anyways, I'm studying abroad this semester, and a lot of stuff has been hitting me in this program so far - isolation, feelings of inferiority, anger, fear, anxiety, depression, suicidality (if that's an emotion idunno), and so on, and i don't hv an advisor at my home school so navigating everything w courses & financial aid & so on has been goddamn overwhelming & i want to cry/scream all the time & i spend most of my time just rotting in my room, no different than i was at my home school tbh... 

about that substance abuse/self-harm thing - I've never cut, never made an attempt on my life, never done any drugs or had more than a sip of alcohol. I'm scared of hurting myself & what others would do/say to/abt me & also the medical bill w hospitalization; and my family has an absurd history w alcoholism so, despite what feels like constant questioning from my family when I'll grow up & hv a drink or hv a smoke or whatever, I've felt for a long time that the day i do hurt myself or the day i do smoke or the day i do hv a full drink or fkn get drunk even is the day I've given up on life so i hv to b stubborn & avoid them like the plague. however, between my fluctuating but mostly bad (esp tonight/the past couple days, goddamn) emotional state here, seeing everyone else being social w drinks/smokes/etc, talking to my hs friend/ex who's been having fun by being impulsive & having drinks & doing sexy stuff w a new friend of hers, feeling like even a healthy me would b fucked in this program, the urge to just try being drunk, to try smoking out my lungs, to fkn try a self harm, they're all so so so overwhelming, and while I've been told tenacity & persistence r 2 strong traits of mine i also feel like I'm realizing that i hv already given up on life a long while ago & it's hopeless so fuck better feel something else better do a self destruction

or I'll feel differently on all this in the morning bc that's the bpd experience huh",6.580765785938198,5.973982126159555,7.355466700786899,75.43159554730984,65.40074211502785,10.848211886635532,34.54167999488196,10.324001499409627,3.3871778005245985,2142,86,423,46,29,717,264,539,0.14,0.763,0.09699999999999999,-0.9678,3,2,11,0,2,5,90.0,1,0,1,7,26,33,7,6,34,1,28,16,1,3,7,58,57,36,4,5,13,0,9,5,1,3,8,0,3,3,26,9,7,2,13,5,4,4,6,21,0,1,14,10,39,12,51,35,13,59,0,7,1,2,16,24,2,17,35,241,65,9,0.0,0.05387744070236823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04030860060341245,0.09719248177375124,0.0,0.0,0.0501800008919544,0.07272863493923687,0.0,0.6897716246146641,0.0,0.030922838610772163,0.047681849139829535,0.03478631474139497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037967612687128414,0.0,0.0,0.03869372238059835,0.0,0.0,0.08043340807017199,0.0496441594811964,0.0,0.1145419671155174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049139585191752835,0.0,0.0,0.05031442265582165,0.0,0.14662990507792853,0.0,0.039165371391127836,0.0,0.0,0.09501810471392227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653412405288596,0.0,0.13363712582430334,0.052733628123275963,0.0,0.0759728268167525,0.15345122344679188,0.0,0.0,0.05071382365165652,0.06006827455213652,0.0,0.0,0.04345089333398183,0.04086772354891657,0.08896160140353354,0.08573479468936912,0.051169170341729235,0.1839379751906492,0.1299421653266596,0.04366070180255911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026383434850465,0.08407713072895448,0.07127246559721986,0.0,0.025843052358192755,0.03814015003103173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122518911246448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735843827246968,0.05133288319285212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635565006953364,0.1110777585925248,0.0,0.0,0.12072511384720558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865906749969646,0.0,0.043027150165620594,0.03035322652349862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161745824846587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03342749724795084,0.0,0.10521351541514527,0.08783518889471595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916772432000315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681723500347902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093957275846993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036161532916684384,0.045525874755042314,0.13806170052875144,0.03623567089010761,0.0,0.18975081166704555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635345622212792,0.0,0.035006928642712834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036314372921048735,0.0,0.0,0.04753769830430075,0.15616529532189244,0.1989580048247743,0.0,0.04285726440540015,0.0,0.0,0.0365490485569876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279704193672248,0.0302098882208716,0.029136922389180493,0.0,0.0,0.10606145069583994,0.0,0.0,0.04345089333398183,0.050521586818125984,0.09261846579751544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054697781989995885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0268208406910863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03310449940620133,0.0,0.0,0.09690701309625474,0.0,0.0,0.0585655590322131
bpd,nando409,2019/09/11,"DAE want to absolutely throw themselves into a volcano when you get sick? I don’t know why, but every time I get sick my mood drops severely and I binge eat and think about how terrible life is and want to die, no matter how good I was feeling before I got sick. I’m sick now and I can barely function because I just wanna hit self destruct on my life even though I only have a cold. Does anyone else feel this way when they get sick lol?",3.958168498168497,4.475515384615385,4.848076923076924,87.31775641025642,70.97802197802199,7.3853479853479875,25.05677655677656,7.1686216300943375,0.9224051282051278,344,9,74,3,6,112,67,91,0.35100000000000003,0.537,0.111,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,1,0,9,4,1,0,2,1,5,8,0,2,0,17,17,10,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,3,12,1,6,14,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913178522773762,0.2185326893688896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001477272540707,0.0,0.1814873360455723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213531199622293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186644580279622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824080767655327,0.17816980510690805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087079839580846,0.0,0.17969934616363487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568365009323812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342932423871675,0.0,0.0,0.1788908846097779,0.17058115830232812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172142500872184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012948727970311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622106281698323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249971832126345,0.2409480353424988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366625410955664,0.20954855485732168,0.0,0.12436649254485052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515985864398848,0.16929338291381754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245389792145134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Johndabonbon,2019/09/11,"Money money Money I used to attend DBT. It was VERY expensive, (so I thought. At $700 per month)
But they closed. 
Now there is only one other option anywhere near me.


They want. $4800 PER MONTH. THATS $400 PER DAY. 4 DAYS A WEEK. MANDATORY 


What in the flying world of fuck is this? Who can afford $30,000 for 6 months of treatment??? And you HAVE to go for 3 hours. per day. 4 days a week? How is this the only option? I have a fucking CAREER. AND I DON'T HAVE 4800 EXTRA BUCKS A MONTH JUST FOR MY STUPID BRAIN. fuck america. I hate this shithole country.",-1.3625119617224897,0.30671190350877353,0.7151196172248824,99.1649282296651,109.78947368421049,3.1253588516746413,13.076555023923445,5.238671369647483,-1.1430736842105258,423,9,93,3,22,138,76,114,0.14300000000000002,0.826,0.03,-0.9378,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,2,0,5,5,5,0,6,0,9,4,1,2,0,11,17,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,5,0,1,2,0,10,0,10,15,1,19,0,0,0,3,4,5,3,2,12,53,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865592195711797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43110974489619736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634943460318529,0.0,0.0,0.09497714418793364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499465846083575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645777980635082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53356872308278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324364108538153,0.2542018966969886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267321129669174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433649788452393,0.0,0.13789004590690704,0.09857066488321904,0.0,0.26810433539018463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_dumb_bitch_yooce_,2019/09/11,"Thinking I'm suffering from alienation/isolation because I'd rather be doing something REMARKABLE with my life. Does that make sense? I wish I could travel the world, effect global change, fight injustice, contribute to humanity, start a revolution, etc. 

But I have no money, no talent, no friends, I'm terrible at speaking to other humans, much less at organizing & rallying, I'm in a dysfunctional marriage and I have two cats that I would not be able to part with (on account of not having friends). 

Am I a narcissist?",7.297695035460991,8.394666074468084,7.84340425531915,66.73333333333335,63.787234042553216,11.373049645390072,38.00709219858156,11.20814326018867,4.816275177304964,417,21,66,12,6,138,70,94,0.192,0.6809999999999999,0.128,-0.6733,0,1,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,4,0,9,1,0,2,0,13,16,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,2,1,5,3,0,1,0,1,7,3,11,12,4,8,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,47,10,0,0.25284139362406394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739535443556548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412976676425996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26747266888188115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187327891736676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212632074285024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28198498949481154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906892670275135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858935372502832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877359358966054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586751661730336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738025900809216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464965752466096,0.0,0.0,0.1789624397746235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201055574628964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469893022792977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290755124564403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961127165655535,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheRunaway6,2019/09/11,"Diagnosed but decided not to take meds? Hey, so I was diagnosed a bit more ten years ago. BPD is not my only diagnosis I also have ADHD and dysthymia. I have tried following through with taken the meds a bunch of times before. I eventually stop every time.

I haven’t seen a professional since 2 years ago. Now I must admit I feel like a mess. I have moved cities, and I am a bit anxious about looking for a therapist.

So I would like to me if there are others like me, trying to wing it on their own and whether they’ve found peace somehow. I consider my self highly functional, but boy do I feel like I am constantly suffering. Anyhow, give me your thoughts. I am scared that going to a therapist will be a disappointment. I am afraid the meds will have side effects, and eventually will make me feel worse. I am afraid that when I am on meds I feel like I am not the same person. 

But I want to achieve my goals. I want to be better at life.",2.328919504643963,4.2357592789473735,3.92250773993808,86.84667182662541,77.26315789473685,7.628482972136222,23.808049535603715,8.4952907291091,1.474811145510836,733,24,156,15,17,244,110,190,0.128,0.7190000000000001,0.153,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,4,8,12,0,3,11,0,23,3,0,2,1,31,40,13,0,5,8,0,4,5,0,5,3,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,9,0,0,3,4,6,0,1,5,6,30,6,14,28,6,18,0,2,2,0,8,5,0,3,15,106,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411900212557673,0.0,0.1978496291376684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924480901725172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607387422007169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496160259045536,0.0,0.0,0.09869928327166394,0.243672030166546,0.0,0.1405536620923129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059769578485555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653906086580736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402605310086637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22570902754636135,0.2391767095083244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236134912888147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705488503479273,0.06342366453204187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790932000276735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882490480192238,0.2726055111562716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371413849315184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449247208916301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958404841900474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186109180785007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487524002415121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744299125458583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117289772110139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642095965531447,0.0,0.0,0.09231494510685427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330085052533382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390774045577609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591475518964591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859627563679813,0.13014727856986527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153531202624562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316466784868407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137278052702774,0.07927595399375731,0.0,0.0,0.14373079146020568
bpd,BougieMoosesBooze,2019/09/11,"DAE have a hard time being able to tell the difference between overreacting and being upset over an actual concern? Long story short, I feel like my friend is triggering me, possibly intentionally, but I can’t tell if I’m actually just being irrational. 

In a nutshell, I have been struggling a lot over the past year.  A few months ago I met up with a friend of several years and told her about what was going on (anxiety, depression, disordered eating, SH, etc.) and how bad things had really gotten.  While she did encourage me to seek therapy, in the time since we had that conversation, she has made zero effort to maintain our friendship. She never initiates contact by texting me, never invites me to hang out, never even “likes” anything I post online, to the point that it’s kind of awkward, like she’s purposely avoiding me. At first I thought she was just trying to give me space or something, but now I don’t know.  She’s also been doing this thing where if I post a picture of something that I did, she will make a post about her doing that same thing, only better.  Like, if I said I rode my bike at a nearby park that has a 3 mile trail, she would make a post about biking 8 miles a week later, despite not having posted anything at all about cycling for the rest of the year before that.  It’s making me crazy because it feels like she’s trying to kick me while I’m down.  

Lately it’s really been getting to me, to the point that it feels like I’m backsliding on any of the progress I’ve made so far in therapy.  Every time I see her post something, I immediately feel the need to binge and purge or force myself to skip meals because I don’t deserve them or something.  I’m starting to want to SH again, and my anxiety has been starting to get worse. 

I would just try confronting her about it like you’re “supposed” to do in this type of situation, but when I went to her for support in the first place, I flat out *told* her I needed to spend the year taking a step back from any hobbies that might be triggering me or hurting my progress so I could focus on getting better. She can be ultra competitive, but I seriously almost feel like it’s personal; and I feel like if I don’t just block her or ghost or something, I’m going to get worse again. 

Does anyone else have a hard time being able to tell if you’re overreacting, or upset over a legitimate problem?  Is this a reasonable thing to be upset over?  I honestly can’t tell if I’m being irrational!  I feel like if I try talking to someone else who isn’t wired similarly to me about this, they’re just going to say something unhelpful like jUsT sToP cOmPaRiNg YoUrSeLf!",8.71075898466951,6.430068712909442,8.807351930970931,72.10933902990702,62.25626204238921,11.80065343051018,36.82340621596715,10.276239652853533,3.5628561782692465,2078,74,401,36,23,686,238,519,0.135,0.736,0.13,0.3262,0,2,6,0,0,0,54.0,2,0,1,7,23,31,1,6,27,0,42,2,0,10,4,72,84,31,1,14,25,0,9,11,2,4,0,2,0,1,25,10,2,3,10,2,1,7,10,12,0,3,19,12,61,19,60,52,6,71,0,2,1,0,38,28,0,17,41,271,86,1,0.12180454197487385,0.0,0.11886366245106107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539861885976036,0.0,0.0609848270791007,0.0,0.0,0.04870352410526884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283126539863436,0.0,0.09318014121708612,0.0,0.0,0.04258428392274824,0.062401573724041134,0.10023475962573827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683008711650189,0.05085085238495121,0.07425091823899854,0.0,0.051823346946097006,0.0,0.0,0.10772621903566428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862550772057517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052455036760507535,0.0,0.0,0.06362991079425354,0.06979927887691703,0.0,0.053295987754267804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062318227488767974,0.10175206520255764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792213093927549,0.040225375604204715,0.0,0.051312790000324834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555812683820075,0.26105156737364443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360688117994858,0.0,0.0,0.09410588698055718,0.0,0.12727569176959505,0.05842300780621217,0.1038364922866382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911294475922384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519714070278013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342034333945616,0.03347029540271164,0.0,0.06870041439003338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272915064312211,0.0,0.0,0.053896593341179314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517769329076985,0.0,0.11525440272724105,0.12195821639399622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460768521159188,0.0,0.0,0.04861161166061472,0.0,0.0,0.09031652449462167,0.1409147576742727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463189214473824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813810889311183,0.0,0.05317751391612948,0.06362991079425354,0.0,0.1151446628735449,0.06865815980396893,0.34996524398000234,0.0,0.0,0.058275248303621574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803110857265531,0.06261767783399458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793200618877783,0.048431930327377914,0.0,0.0,0.04853122493338145,0.0,0.0,0.06880223107357354,0.0,0.05037898790751092,0.06845670429500507,0.0,0.0,0.051602296572315916,0.2813132617312969,0.0,0.0,0.08621388173435267,0.0,0.0,0.05091702556867228,0.0,0.06366827693677604,0.0,0.0,0.06911117539197995,0.0,0.0,0.04579092840141055,0.048950938482678605,0.2129250768770972,0.0,0.13929410911936105,0.0,0.1618430507226716,0.0,0.0,0.04834960031434127,0.1420504159034564,0.0,0.0,0.11638945967596374,0.0,0.1653945770816321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592173735182177,0.0,0.048852128217766126,0.0,0.0,0.056457015359097536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412923432554054,0.08652645187591307,0.0,0.0,0.15687626302608373
bpd,hotterthanwasabii,2019/09/11,"I’m starting to become more and more down (possible ED:CW) I have a break right now since I graduated from my one college program in the middle of August and I don’t start my next program until September 30th. Being home while my partner at work always makes me feel super guilty that I’m not doing anything ‘productive’ (all I do right now is go to appointments and clean every day), but this time off has been extra rough. 

My ‘best friend’ hasn’t talked to me since the end of July even though I have tried to reach out multiple times, until finally I sent her a message saying that I’m tired of begging to hangout/talk to her pretty much. I don’t have any other friends outside of her and I haven’t since February when me and another friend had a falling out of her flaking a lot as well. 

Every time i go on social media I feel shitty that I’m not where I wanted to be at this point in my life, or I get jealous of people doing/having things that I want. And I also feel terrible seeing my family hanging out or doing things without me, since pretty much only my mom and sister talk to me now. 

I don’t want to go back into treatment for my ED but things have been getting worse and that is being pushed on me as well. 

I guess all in all, I just feel like things are going downhill to quick and it’s just causing me to flip between hating myself and everything around me to not caring at all because there’s ‘no point’. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point because everything seems so overwhelming.",4.582843137254905,5.189119669934642,5.570464052287587,82.37608823529412,69.62091503267973,8.080784313725491,27.391503267973857,8.07648339933343,1.6993691503267976,1193,37,234,15,20,394,161,306,0.10300000000000001,0.777,0.11900000000000001,0.2978,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,18,14,2,1,6,0,24,2,0,2,4,42,51,23,0,3,10,2,5,1,4,0,2,1,2,1,15,15,0,0,6,0,0,8,11,4,2,1,4,7,39,10,43,44,11,51,0,1,1,0,16,23,0,5,20,174,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678234495714922,0.0798913227131402,0.0,0.0,0.06529279872364603,0.10067902943339796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901132445411455,0.08547279816779818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382882387690723,0.0,0.11705846183305466,0.1060398972537959,0.0,0.0,0.10076074820826372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789265140239363,0.09863280552254762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061921073932620085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503988764374039,0.0,0.0,0.06341632812847747,0.0,0.16179183806095346,0.0,0.17258234805413214,0.0,0.09051343513004728,0.0,0.19419021233668954,0.06859240635360661,0.0,0.1051786217446233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254048786147135,0.0,0.10032668322922894,0.0,0.2182678294534476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577022346147524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479392721684617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963098502407822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276677231557195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781751340344831,0.04690758067682045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162765213353411,0.0,0.0,0.06409007707725904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245041271294083,0.0,0.0,0.14116264532618766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211195677213172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506155757379499,0.0730229581935174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656400430581344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722927361156213,0.1082413358589202,0.0,0.19536147021079467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399082827542175,0.0,0.07635417045591265,0.0,0.0,0.07651071092871436,0.08740752117701224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176950250865385,0.0,0.0,0.09787416108049084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591837816733682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151720005493054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25514968737470123,0.0,0.09433324766387904,0.0,0.16795957123602331,0.1103539455530691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518718976102718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989459876740062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726561973112105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255405026032232,0.0,0.06989932081536643,0.0,0.09784644811995637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bonafidemind,2019/09/11,"Those without BPD, and/or have a loved one with BPD, what is your experience/perspective on BPD? I feel so consumed and warped in my mind of confusion, intense emotions, and instability. Crying out of random. Constantly questioning what the hell I'm doing with my life. Intense shifts in emotions throughout the day. Questioning people's intentions.

I want to know & hear from those without BPD, what it's like knowing someone with BPD? How do you perceive them as a person? How do you process it? How is your relationship with them? Does it become ""too much"" for you, and if so, when/why? What is it like not living with something like BPD?? I don't know, but I want to know. I love hearing other's perspectives, and I am genuinely curious to see it in a different light.",3.664940476190477,6.230357041666673,4.400595238095238,81.83250000000002,75.80555555555556,7.7253968253968255,29.035714285714285,8.634040054169528,2.5256047619047632,610,27,110,13,14,195,87,144,0.061,0.784,0.155,0.9092,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,5,2,0,6,7,1,1,5,0,9,3,0,4,0,32,22,12,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,12,10,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,5,15,5,20,22,1,7,1,0,1,2,15,5,1,5,5,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657176216604204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086296112406546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.743277095429902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629096354154308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804256728627402,0.06343331484757324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276405330370048,0.0,0.0,0.08607448380939059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128091277315803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973318491243545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217151226150083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622178487576865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947375758665927,0.1441594829434892,0.0,0.08685265783522493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754538677081078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931438955831742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230506479454953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665049560579255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818963519981093,0.08588314530733128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036882280402392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560058451054627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837926100626079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333912603928617,0.07572144049536009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602918457391642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887535544609794,0.0,0.0,0.18962882384661905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsmadx,2019/09/11,"Why do I suddenly want to go out and night and do impulsive stuff when I should be getting ready to end the day? Had a fulfilling day of socialising. Fairly stable. Worked as well. Gone home, exercised, done some drawing, reading, rang a friend. Normal people start to get ready for bed.

Except suddenly I’m restless and bored, the novelty of being alone wears off and I want to drive to random locations, go out, get drunk. Anything impulsive. My mood drops and suddenly the whole night is just endless. 

Why does my brain do this when I should be settling down for the night?",3.0128193146417463,5.829149214953269,3.5473130841121514,85.51168613707166,80.21495327102805,7.304984423676013,24.804517133956388,8.344100000000001,1.9483900311526487,454,17,83,10,12,142,71,107,0.076,0.787,0.13699999999999998,0.7059,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,6,0,11,4,2,0,0,16,21,8,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,2,7,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,2,1,0,3,1,6,2,15,13,2,21,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,12,51,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302767619229265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542474936992822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972769431761444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279383802152969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464806202013326,0.18084497933275134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652065615252184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653272656592674,0.0,0.2769852840310226,0.0,0.20086705679905167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772636508739313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975166694902682,0.1731471821150502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251476241046165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676690752010846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508267780798327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230107245515846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084669897279696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889168036747248,0.0,0.3189229743203265,0.1973005472058822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865359846747282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TurtlyAmazoning,2019/09/11,"I always push away those I need closest Does anyone else find themselves pushing away those you need closest? And at the most dangerous of times?
I feel like the hate inside me (the hate I have for me) projects onto them ( because they ""love"" me, the same me I despise) and I can not stand them nor be around them or have them around me but this is my supposed FP?! 
I GENUINELY DESPISE THEM, TRAPPING ME IN THIS WORLD AND LIFE. Because to me it isn't real, the good they bring can't be real and definitely can not be real for me!
I have got some issues though 😅",1.8377795655671747,3.9538429469026535,2.8269831053901875,93.0913676588898,79.70796460176993,5.1710378117457765,22.662107803700728,6.1124844417494595,0.3009185840707969,435,14,92,3,11,138,67,113,0.133,0.8220000000000001,0.046,-0.8758,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,7,0,5,8,5,0,5,0,11,2,0,0,0,20,19,8,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,1,25,3,11,15,3,15,0,0,0,1,9,10,0,3,2,70,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766751722485826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156863720322006,0.16952290864700606,0.0,0.2945708623769431,0.0,0.0,0.31089113385953304,0.0,0.0,0.20171336840398696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478626618094195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821210768064193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836564081488259,0.11819739569321808,0.0,0.0,0.15121815246698836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877147248343302,0.13232534775139568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266949191665019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268664326962535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686211189842627,0.08083043253632947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932493632562685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453579135507948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5649544038670563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255362355526376,0.0,0.09647512971773564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,404identityn0tf0und,2019/09/11,"DAE completely reshape their identity to make their FP/SO love them About six months ago, I met a man extraordinarily out of my league. As a trans woman, it's always been so hard to find someone respectful of my boundaries, someone who wants to see me outside of the confines of the bedroom, and someone who finds me beautiful despite my dysphoria.

When we first met, I was convinced I'd never see him again since he'd been on a business trip and it was his last night in town. Since I knew our time was limited, I knew I could completely swept him off his feet without fear of having to maintain my finely manicured representation of self. I could feel him falling for the false (but also not false? just the best?) version of myself. The one that is quick-witted and confident. The one that only shows herself during an introductory meeting. The one who has managed to land my jobs after stellar interviews. The one that is charming, charismatic and beautiful. The one that inevitably fades away over time and is replaced by the insecure bitch constantly in need of affirmation. 

Over time, I've noticed how much of my identity I've crafted based on things he's said. He told me I was beautiful with minimal makeup. I've since stopped wearing so much and wear very little. He told me he liked me with my hair up, and I seem to wear my hair in a ponytail most days (something I rarely did before meeting him). He told me I looked great in a dress (the only one I owned) and so I bought several more I wear whenever he comes to visit or I go to visit him. He's extremely healthy in regards to his diet, and I've found myself mimicking his choices, going out of my way to send him photos of my yogurt & berries breakfast or the salads I eat for lunch.

I feel like he's finally catching on. And I don't know if I should come clean about my diagnosis. I've already opened up about my bipolar ii disorder and I feel like that's been able to explain why I have mood swings, even though I know they're the result of BPD.

Now I'm just waiting for him to end things, after which I'll no doubt fall into an identity crisis. I feel like I won't know who I am without him.",5.654629796433077,5.958343028103047,6.235140515222483,79.61101017834628,67.19672131147541,9.285858403891194,32.58232750855701,9.162432508145574,2.7231632858944343,1711,69,334,29,26,558,227,427,0.059000000000000004,0.821,0.12,0.9823,1,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,2,0,3,3,15,16,1,3,20,0,21,14,7,3,1,58,53,23,0,6,9,0,7,4,0,2,1,1,2,3,14,20,5,4,14,1,1,11,7,4,0,8,18,11,63,11,55,30,7,53,0,0,3,1,48,21,1,6,24,216,77,3,0.09072946068479247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804261925946648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012221599663064,0.07255631692997726,0.07549417947530353,0.09830533274560437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524331494457359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720408850222006,0.0,0.09521497142579398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427057959715528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631079328893685,0.19025622665555733,0.0980463147688455,0.0,0.144880183266797,0.0,0.0,0.058512996280682274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398382237661494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283888891523387,0.0,0.0,0.08035937223605694,0.0,0.0,0.05992595309238233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209586756193986,0.18350216574999934,0.19445143452545754,0.0,0.0993896893591881,0.16585016672626185,0.07717443290931801,0.0,0.09948017061315596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312728673681908,0.0,0.0,0.10002955070811734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127577569132095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003498994420868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958761643593602,0.07395661995791182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773033262740416,0.09093475509071727,0.0,0.0,0.07618989617664483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188688058267372,0.0,0.060562619532907376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241938990905533,0.0,0.13339318613773574,0.06727474546895165,0.06997615337394306,0.0,0.0,0.08514345267045365,0.0,0.0,0.10329609234045267,0.0,0.0,0.3688837839414821,0.13800768655373044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630449394867594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459926676581106,0.08259669344720236,0.0946506148543632,0.10249846545958023,0.0,0.22515704235251116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23062433282998865,0.06984797147555047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758538917288057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055324431726484,0.0,0.08914123446417553,0.0,0.15871523445689328,0.0,0.0,0.2600876634298151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486130702275505,0.053514586631159655,0.07201682278281184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186922620316597,0.0,0.0,0.17491992482357024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hannahxlandonh,2019/09/11,"I need help, but no one will help me. I honestly don't know where to start, because I'm not making much sense of anything at the moment. I feel detached, lost, lonely, empty. I've been back and forth to doctors for over 10 years (f24) for depression, anxiety, eating disorders. I went back for help for my Bpd several times and tell me i have to contact some people for therapy.

 I do, I did, I ring, I emailed, no response. They also told me, regardless of being in the UK I would more than likely have to pay.
I was in day treatment for anorexia for a year and didn't have to pay. I just want help. I want to be recognised. I can't do this on my own any longer.

I don't know who I am, what I like, what I feel. It's hard to even convey a conversation and keep it going. I have no motivation to speak to people. I've lost every friend I had due to BPD. I have a boyfriend, but I've not seen him properly in 3 weeks due to cross over in work times etc , trying not to split on him daily is hard, even over message. This takes its toll on everyone

I don't want to feel numb and disconnected anymore. Its been too long feeling this and I can't escape",1.2651565447001154,2.9926755477178446,3.1752187853640135,91.80908242172764,79.8298755186722,6.373519426631463,21.742927197284047,7.348242739294969,0.5920771784232364,881,26,201,12,22,296,132,241,0.161,0.705,0.134,-0.5613,0,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,4,8,9,0,0,5,0,24,3,0,2,0,28,45,9,0,6,6,0,6,2,1,2,2,2,0,0,10,6,1,1,7,0,2,3,12,5,0,1,11,9,31,4,34,30,5,28,0,4,1,0,16,12,0,1,15,132,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003152360430408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506301989553054,0.0,0.09569072943738974,0.0,0.12405206572717993,0.0,0.0,0.1029354231307985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236739233328695,0.0,0.07625148915725098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150838042477229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067035947067691,0.0,0.10773670579837367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335981514291266,0.12803119840438812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799458270303488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950436583647022,0.16523673320012167,0.0,0.10539066029443456,0.11952538544955975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529897051193629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966414179234024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108946576917427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241056332109785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353710240815176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118251159124516,0.0,0.0,0.13748839354551667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222176247190185,0.0,0.0,0.11069749978146877,0.0,0.0,0.2730930947122793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349612220795521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195287338432456,0.09274995719319096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084761760477724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343827598987654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131199185482365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853677535827031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404938183422268,0.0,0.10933099937256603,0.0,0.14304716363231804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587773464539294,0.0,0.0,0.11952538544955975,0.0,0.08492543324793689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213375428469851,0.0,0.10033673962429557,0.0,0.0,0.11595631667875896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910643659550816,0.0,0.0,0.08885776719682721,0.0,0.0,0.1611030402433554
bpd,MorningOnMars,2019/09/11,"Classmate with Borderline I started back at school and hit it off pretty well with a classmate, but I noticed that about halfway through every class, he admits he's getting deeply anxious talking to me.  This is a language class where discussion has gotta happen and dude happens to be my assigned partner. I always ask him if there's something that needs to change to reduce his anxiety and he said that it will just happen no matter what. Our conversations are impersonal, just going through dialogue or working out sentence structure in a second language.

He added me to social media (we exchange memes and sarcasm mostly) and I scrolled through his post history to get an idea of his humour and politics and found he has borderline.

My question is this: does anyone have any suggestions for how I might be more considerate of his anxiety? I have social anxiety myself, but I wasn't sure if there might be a particular line of thought common with borderline that I should be mindful of in order to make class better for him.  Sorry if this is a stupid question, I just wanna help homeboy chill as much as possible.",10.68274509803922,8.834393941176476,9.735294117647056,65.63715686274512,58.11764705882353,12.203921568627452,44.235294117647065,10.746095033038511,4.9377588235294105,900,44,143,16,9,285,128,204,0.11800000000000001,0.768,0.114,0.0534,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,2,10,5,1,0,6,0,17,0,0,2,1,39,33,16,0,6,9,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,10,12,0,0,7,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,4,1,22,4,28,19,3,12,0,0,0,0,26,6,0,9,3,110,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143609745103038,0.0,0.0,0.09346381855952356,0.0,0.3154233526489663,0.15526792233834238,0.0,0.09610114651486654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284877171080993,0.0,0.0,0.10568276952715916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155438820833007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539314916524626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027454863674225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579901070670752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506957136939736,0.0,0.0,0.14361330960407376,0.0,0.07811024036418762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646128457975258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212304178529268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551528739409653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917421745201662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916039463652378,0.13877508000759028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103411193929317,0.10190991550916546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647619280404135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494279266811067,0.13162939504413115,0.13982574925748156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30792819803669363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307367813146169,0.0,0.0,0.13909647699401262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28020526035682736,0.0,0.1058079197764503,0.0,0.15385267213077491,0.0972806410834406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953544254984636,0.0,0.0,0.11046895422024794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911189752944617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357494098984124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005785577935973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,generalkenoobi,2019/09/11,"MINOR RANT: I never realized how tied I still am to my BPD (grammar here is gonna suck don’t come @ me)

I’ve been very strong in my recovery for a few years with the help of intensive DBT and RODBT. I’ve had my slip ups, but I’ve been generally....alright. Long story short, I’m struggling very suddenly and very intensely right now and after browsing this sub and other resources, I feel worse. I never realized how many behaviors and “BPD things” I still use on a daily basis— things that I just considered to be what makes me...me, when in reality they’re just BPD traits. Does that make sense? I feel like my recovery was fake now because I’ve carried all of these traits and behaviors unknowingly. It’s like I’ve been living with this horrible false sense of security, and now I think it’s going to be even harder to claw my way out of this episode.",3.699108597285069,5.144757064705885,4.9194117647058855,83.08427601809957,72.47058823529412,8.760180995475114,26.60633484162896,9.265573868473778,2.138343891402715,671,23,137,15,13,222,106,170,0.127,0.7929999999999999,0.08,-0.8737,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,12,7,1,1,3,0,10,0,0,5,3,28,21,11,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,11,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,5,2,14,4,17,13,2,22,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,1,14,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393887188955624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5822565063744642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327448364660597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485530104181098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178261751402773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558367433950928,0.11009017498004298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757945964590279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329101770620018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057246243789546,0.0,0.13607448805139208,0.1363750185785942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057279566355059,0.15623478006208946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377052240782256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160187796075248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461313867823362,0.0,0.0,0.16110039451205746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475643895898374,0.0987420480839627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309425757101845,0.0,0.3814497418614705,0.0,0.12231863407459495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704264024752795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923634295999496
bpd,mflomim,2019/09/11,can’t hold down a job anyone else have trouble holding down a job? i always get bored or anxious and ending up ignoring my boss or not showing up. i get too nervous to quit so i just stop cold turkey... (currently ignoring my boss right now even though she’s expecting me 😭),2.4818181818181806,4.494315363636368,4.147272727272728,84.92090909090909,77.18181818181819,7.309090909090909,27.363636363636363,8.238735603445708,1.9967454545454548,215,9,42,4,5,72,44,55,0.29,0.71,0.0,-0.9297,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,13,4,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,7,0,5,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,4,26,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225286168935486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30212715617225866,0.0,0.18699784001849976,0.27402032922097314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234089041489731,0.0,0.23686938625478302,0.0,0.0,0.17663930584261633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27944909782856153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5307789798778725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28445166911905617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283893354124858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358891413510865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627550329225795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mamaola,2019/09/11,"Hi ,my new therapist as i cant afford a real one What do i need ? Lately i’ve been thinking about the PTSD , do i have that ? I might be , i mean who doesn’t  haha ... what should i do ? I can kill myself , do i want that .. no i want everything , i want to prove iam enough .. but to whom , to myself? Or do i need to success  so i can be busy , i need a distraction thats for sure . Thing is iam so curious to know what iam running form , i always think , if i ever got kidnaped and tortured , what would be my priority ? To understand my kidnaper or to escape , will i ever escape ? .. should i read what i wrote ? I shouldn’t . Do i want to know?I do ,Is it a wise thing to do ? No . Will i do it ? Yes .. i just want to understand What iam trying to replace so hard , what did i lose that would leave a huge irritating unstoppable gap . I should sound artistic , iam i an artist ? Can i call myself that ? I think i do have a mind of an artist , is that enough ? I dont know , all i know is that i want to fill that gap , and i want to understand why , why is this happening and when would it stop , i hate languages , why cant we communicate through hugs and slaps , only hugs and slaps  . I hate you , i hate you for leaving me , i hate myself for hating you , i hate how i feel when i see people happy and loved , why cant i be loved.  Why is it so hard for me to love , why cant i just let go ? And why iam i writing this",-0.5958508158508131,1.2870406321070256,1.9536698084524176,97.19366879497318,87.49498327759198,5.229593594810988,17.08736191344887,6.574015621080383,-0.3640131549609809,1035,24,258,12,33,355,125,299,0.187,0.61,0.203,0.3395,1,0,0,0,0,1,57.0,1,3,0,2,12,20,8,1,8,2,44,5,0,1,5,54,79,19,1,18,6,0,3,0,0,10,0,1,0,0,25,8,0,1,12,4,0,3,9,10,0,1,4,5,55,10,22,60,4,11,0,1,1,5,13,1,0,4,7,183,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391910549271734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844022785678842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003065311004657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874799064833425,0.0,0.0,0.138973374744104,0.0,0.0,0.06903947097648032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038841717243093314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043657696301374005,0.0,0.06143873320869848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793030301443176,0.08177467011501732,0.13762848782575202,0.4550539028323767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498823504659844,0.0,0.1688696479971783,0.0,0.0866545593317748,0.1626792969787433,0.0,0.0785520713256764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594019789261814,0.0,0.0,0.207994955166539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367781384559958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149223758203007,0.07756473759294732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087972539786345,0.0,0.0741917391991751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205417085172257,0.05842389398059152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053256241964074816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979665904033597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768392397202924,0.08743621557042476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612143601719455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422366520365705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240048148281086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919214303853733,0.10206953164548714,0.14766648589251666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052154686111155805,0.0,0.0,0.239912151655024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31716659117762425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852169292865058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370887186970914,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,K1D420,2019/09/11,"How many of you have chronic depersonalization? Mine started in early childhood and never stopped, I’m 17 now and I was wondering if any of you can relate",2.496724137931036,5.462377206896554,4.327155172413793,76.95211206896555,87.27586206896551,5.658620689655173,27.9396551724138,7.1686216300943375,1.9872,125,6,21,2,4,42,25,29,0.0,0.94,0.06,0.1695,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,7,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219631394364034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800053370458672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651548527027321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33511128790081995,0.0,0.0,0.39582651125654855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134377708226264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,swaffeline,2019/09/11,I’ve messed up. My wife suffers from BPD. I am learning as we go along through our marriage how she works.  She is the most beautiful woman I know.  She loves hard. Sometimes to hard. She is strong and independent.  I wish she could see what I do I her.  I did yell at her and call her names in a argument. I hurt her so bad. I can’t say or do anything now to fix the situation. She has moved out and barely communicates with me.  I messed up.  Real bad.  She is asking for space to figure out her thoughts.  Going on 2 weeks now.  How do I give her what she requires?  I’m seeking help for myself so I can become an amazing husband for her. I’m committed to her.  How do I help her when she wants distance.? She is my world.,-0.8451090909090908,1.301584913333336,1.4650909090909108,96.70254545454547,96.53333333333332,4.327272727272727,18.81818181818182,6.1124844417494595,-0.1514000000000002,547,18,126,6,22,183,92,150,0.147,0.698,0.155,0.5215,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,4,0,14,1,0,4,1,25,26,11,0,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,2,5,37,3,19,23,1,16,0,2,1,1,33,9,0,2,4,89,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631131197580442,0.0,0.17757607130395292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31719788548637,0.0,0.2097830352299223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923330436844076,0.0,0.19395850852448251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165830567505045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822157709333545,0.21590405565086576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34031283384208805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546367575826589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033436432306428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439064863626757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143580697042887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188504122687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162028136127737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105455630881262,0.0,0.0,0.1513642466835786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350991017180515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786378061417208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507977768761928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203646150056124,0.0,0.1523651133207972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843123465501,0.0,0.0,0.13828466512054022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,withpaperwings,2019/09/11,"I’ve been in DBT for 8 months - here’s what I have to say I apologize in advance for how lengthy this may be - I’m just kind of writing it as I go and I do have a lot to say on the matter. I hope someone manages to gain some type of helpful info through this!

(if you’re not interested in the background, I’ll have a break line further down to where I actually start talking about DBT, and then one below that where I talk about my overall opinion so far)

I’m 25 years old, but I’ve struggled with bpd (and a not so pleasant cluster of other things such as ptsd, anxiety, body dysmorphia, etc) for a very, very long time. It was more “manageable” when I was younger but the older I got, the more it seemed to spiral. 

I struggled with many unhealthy coping mechanisms throughout my life that definitely fueled the fire, from being porn obsessed by the time I was a preteen to off and on disordered eating, drug abuse, self harm, etc. I didn’t know where the things wrong with me ended and where I started. I could try to blame a lot of it on my childhood trauma, abusive relationships, so on and so forth but at the end of the day, I was where I was, and that was a very suffocating pit.

2018 was arguably the worst year for my mental health - I had made suicide attempts before but I spent practically every day fighting the urge to die that year. Part of it I think was it was the first time I was going through a super hard time sober, though that didn’t mean I was being good to myself. I was doing a lot of bad things to myself and taking my feelings out on the people around me. I hated myself and everything about me, I felt like a loser and a failure and like things were completely hopeless.
I lost all interest in my hobbies and things I used to enjoy. I isolated myself from family and friends. I was hurting myself and anyone who got too close - I felt like broken glass. I was spiraling nonstop over the smallest of things and just... I don’t think I could ever do justice to what an awful year 2018 was for me. 

Come late 2018, I had seen a video about bpd on youtube and even though I always remind myself not to read the comments, I am at heart a glutton for punishment and scrolled through. They made me feel small and ashamed. They cemented my belief that I was trash and cancerous to everybody around me. But they also inspired me to want to put true effort into bettering myself, if not for me, for the people around me.

——————————————— 

I had heard of DBT, and was vaguely aware of what it entailed. I did a lot of research on it first, and then decided it was going to be my “final resort”. I had nothing left to lose.
For days I was looking up and calling DBT centers around me, trying to get as much information as possible. One thing I noticed was because of how “niche” it was (or maybe just because of where I lived), I didn’t have a plethora of options and there were also pretty extensive waiting lists. I had settled on a place in late October, and got myself on their waiting list (arguably one of the shorter ones), and spent the next few months waiting for my phone call. In the meantime, I was invited to periodically call to check my progress.

I didn’t understand then, but it was because of the way DBT groups function - the bare minimum for a program is six months, but it is highly recommended and basically expected that you will do two cycles, totaling out to a year. It’s set up in a once a week private session with a therapist, and a once a week group session with two therapists, with the group consisting of anywhere between 6-10 people or so, mine being at nine. New people were only brought into the program (at least the group portion) when someone “graduated” out of it at their year mark, which would typically be the end of a module. New people were brought in on the mindfulness module, which would happen after another one was completed. So in essence, this wasn’t just something people fly through leaving tons of room for new spots. It’s a long process.

At the end of January, I got my call. I was foaming at the mouth ready to get this stuff going. I was assigned a therapist, and had my intake appointment at the beginning of February. It consisted of going over what DBT would entail, and my symptoms. There was a form I had to print from the website before I went in, which was basically just a lot of paperwork ranging from who I could call or talk to in an emergency, to places that make me feel safe, to just general insurance stuff. I also had to buy the book, but it’s pretty cheap and available online so that wasn’t an issue. 

In terms of availability/time, most places offer multiple groups at multiple times, and therapists will see you later in the day (some as late as 9 pm) if that’s all you can manage. The groups are unisex, but are divided by age, with a youth group and an adult group. One on one sessions are typically an hour, while group can be anywhere from an hour and a half to two. In between all of this, you also have the ability to do phone coaching. 

Phone coaching is essentially constant access to your therapist in a crisis situation. You can call them, and they will talk you through what you are going through and help coach you with skills, provided you are willing to cooperate. The only rule my place has is if you tell them you self harmed before calling, they will not take your call and will offer minimal to no advice at that point and you will need to wait until the next day to talk to them if need be. This is because you have already made your decision to use an unhealthy coping mechanism, instead of making the effort to seek all possible alternatives first. 

The set up of a one on one session went as follows for me - I had to bring a diary card that covered the strength of my emotions for the week (it’s customizable to fit with your own personal struggles), my urges to commit suicide or self harm or whatever else I struggled against (drugs, ed’s, etc), and whether I had acted on any of these things. There’s another sheet I had to fill outs every day as well that logged which skills I had used and how successful they had been. 
We would pick the “worst” day from the card, discuss it, and do chain analysis which is just starting from the end of the scenario and moving backwards to figure out what emotional vulnerabilities I had that day (was I tired? had I fought with my parents?) and where in the line I could have used a skill to remedy the situation and prevent it. If there was no particular applicable situation, we would just do more general talk therapy that day. Sometimes, I’m given homework, but it’s always along the lines of things like “write five reasons your emotions are valid”, coming up with a script for interpersonal skills, make a playlist of songs that describe me and what about them I relate to, etc. 

A few weeks in, my therapist told me there was room in a group but they weren’t on mindfulness yet so I would be coming in into a module if I felt comfortable with that. Mindfulness is technically the core skill all other DBT skills benefit from, so it was necessary to know, but she gave me a crash course in it so I could get started asap.
The first day of group was nerve wracking but if you have the right group leads (two therapists, one who is a co-facilitator so they just kind of back up the main lead), it can help. I felt more at ease when I came to understand everyone there was there for the same reason as me (some didn’t have bpd but we all struggled with extreme feelings of suicide and hopelessness) and even if people weren’t particularly talkative, they were all pretty friendly. 

We start out with a mindfulness exercise (anything from playing charades to describe an emotion, to starting to write a story and passing it to the next person until yours makes it back to you, to meditating) before doing a check in emotion, a skill we used over the week, and then homework review. 
Your book is required for group because you do almost everything out of it but if you forget it, they’ll let you share with someone or give you a printed handout. Homework review involves everybody reading off their homework and discussing it with the rest of the group which feels scary at first but everybody is basically putting themselves out there so it becomes easier to feel comfortable. The only things you cannot talk about in detail are abuse, drug use, self harm, suicide, etc, so as to not trigger anybody else. These are topics reserved for your one on one sessions, but they do let you kind of allude to them in group by referring to them as “negative urges” or “bad experiences”. 
Then you go over your skill lesson for the day, which usually everybody partakes in by offering insight, suggestions, or relatable experiences to teach off of. Finally, you are assigned homework that has to do with that skill, and give a checkout emotion followed by a skill you plan to practice over the week that isn’t your lesson skill. Sometimes they follow up on whether you actually practiced that skill, but it really depends on your leads.

The only way to get kicked out of the program is four consecutive missed appointments, either one on one or group. Other than that, if you are not doing your homework or showing little to no effort or interfering with other people’s progress in group, they take you out and put you back on the waiting list (for group, I’m not so sure about one on one). If you are not vibing with your therapist or group, they will ask to discuss it with you first to see if there’s anything that can be done to alleviate the situation, but if not, they can switch you or put you somewhere else.
They’re also pretty strict about outside relationships with people in group - anything that cannot be discussed in class isn’t allowed, and if the relationship turns sexual/romantic they will separate you. This is to avoid therapy interfering behaviors for you, the other person involved, and the group in general. 

There are four modules total that you go over -
mindfulness, the center skill all others are based around. It involves being in the moment, thinking and acting based on fact and not opinion, and being at one with yourself and your emotions. This module usually lasts one to two weeks and is between every module. 
Emotion regulation, which is as it sounds. This contains lot of getting to know your emotions and putting words to them, and learning how to manage them more effectively.
Distress tolerance, which is basically how to come down from a crisis mode so that you can utilize your emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness skills. 
Interpersonal effectiveness, which covers validation and invalidation, having productive discussions with people, etc. Basically improving your relationships with those around you or learning how to end and address problems in relationships effectively. 

They vary in length based on a lot of factors, but for me, each module lasts a few weeks at a time. 

Before I move on to my overall experience and opinions, here are a few more key points -

NOT EVERY SKILL IS GOING TO WORK FOR YOU, and some take a long time to master, such as radical acceptance. Sometimes you have to combine them. A lot of people get discouraged if something does not work right off the bat, but everybody is different - some things work for some people, and some don’t. I personally loathe radical acceptance and am still struggling with it, but I really like check the facts, tip skills, pros and cons, opposite action, etc. Some people think half smile willing hands is bullshit, I personally like it. 

They are VERY big on validation, but also on correction. Therapists there want to be viewed as equals to you, not above you. They want to be your cheerleader, but they will still be honest with you if you slip up. They are very understanding about it, but i have seen people storm out of the offices when I’ve been in the waiting room because they didn’t like what they were told. 

Prices will obviously vary - mine is kind of expensive with my insurance, but they seem to cut you a deal if you need to pay out of pocket. They are also pretty understanding about missing days, as long as you ultimately try to show up. One guy in my group misses every two or three groups because of his job, but will always show up before he hits absence four. 

You need to be willing to try and practice, outside of just a crisis moment. A lot of skills become second nature the more you use them, but if you’re only using them enough to get your homework finished, you’re not going to benefit from them the same way someone who is making a conscious effort to put them into consistent practice will.

You will still have “bad days” or slip ups, but these don’t negatively reflect your progress. However, once you develop skills that make things feel more manageable, a particularly bad episode will feel 10x worse sometimes. This can be because you may feel like you’re failing, you’re not not trying hard enough, like it’s not working, maybe you’re broken, or you finally have a glimpse of what a good day can be, so now the bad is that much worse. This is when it’s essential to use phone coaching. 

—————————————————-

So... my opinion?

I won’t lie, I still have many days where I feel totally hopeless and miserable. Some days suicide still feels very imminent to me. I still split and spiral. I have self harmed, made a suicide attempt, and struggled with my eating.
I also feel a lot of pressure to get better, not from the people at the DBT center, but pressure I place on myself or loved ones place on me because I’m in the program and paying so much to be there and spending so much time one it.

But despite all of that, I also feel more hopeful than I have in a long time. My relationships with the people around me have definitely improved. Despite slip ups, I find myself going to skills first before an unhealthy coping mechanism, and my usage of those has also greatly declined. 

I’ve started picking back up my hobbies, I’m going out more, talking to friends more often, my relationship with my boyfriend has improved... For all the things that may or may not have caused me stress and frustration during this process, I feel like I for once have a chance and can see, even in eight months, my ability to change and get better.

I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did last year, but I do still struggle. And I may always struggle to an extent. But that doesn’t mean I’m bad or failing, because bpd is hard. And with or without DBT, bpd is, well, bpd. But I can honestly say so many things have shown improvement, particularly my overthinking and interpersonal relationships. And I’m sure as I finish out my program, I’ll be able to look back on even more things that would have killed me last year, but this year, even if they’re still hard, Im overcoming them.

In short - things aren’t perfect. Who knows if they ever will be? But life feels a lot more manageable more often than it ever did before. I think I can make it.",7.472074939195082,7.199335213780921,7.312996191088064,75.36279794410538,63.46996466431095,10.262310128034512,34.91372585012161,9.736311143206267,3.2354760222110053,11845,468,2177,206,154,3774,783,2830,0.127,0.782,0.091,-0.9992,9,1,5,0,4,11,333.0,5,72,43,65,123,105,7,17,157,1,237,19,4,41,25,469,394,232,8,44,112,1,26,10,3,32,10,7,11,12,140,151,3,12,61,15,12,42,47,54,2,45,100,41,280,51,402,232,82,351,1,14,8,2,232,166,0,81,147,1638,420,52,0.018472484765171326,0.0656606214109969,0.03605296088568896,0.0,0.0,0.018051098320020952,0.0,0.0,0.01849752514742317,0.0,0.02038484628579915,0.14772439392782585,0.06148234849809495,0.0,0.0,0.01256192308881034,0.03874002184379925,0.014131400283941825,0.0,0.0,0.012916390854471858,0.0,0.04560384301208595,0.11511099484640575,0.01726927965328995,0.0,0.0,0.0710210027299044,0.1079662722789976,0.11260655257443675,0.04080281622742332,0.12574979177895554,0.0,0.0,0.049012234872727004,0.0,0.020518766250509624,0.13959268741048902,0.0,0.15089977834281548,0.021127601445263832,0.0,0.01897633033394716,0.01954143951748105,0.0636496398384457,0.03873609764510421,0.019962193560710387,0.0,0.07374387982611809,0.0,0.0,0.1906115917279954,0.019044320668807527,0.0,0.0,0.019171522757022413,0.01929981491163973,0.021171067921913263,0.0,0.016165395901879532,0.018903765424493672,0.0,0.0,0.06426665310549028,0.03780392715129503,0.046294172051483035,0.2077905903234191,0.09816683146788102,0.038174029537714815,0.14421192445792236,0.061004509846213015,0.050128260119426636,0.07781932563195927,0.017651250814064642,0.03320375638848465,0.05420890407677316,0.017414214627560463,0.0,0.14944389333335795,0.02639349361443075,0.07094592898805484,0.06070711239696967,0.01688351641808838,0.10998880273207058,0.0,0.0,0.04281538771977498,0.0,0.08685999779498899,0.03544098123560495,0.12598006548750396,0.03098768759984445,0.05909653424122245,0.020365979667201373,0.0,0.018290664157437218,0.016335157271523213,0.0,0.06619087193525257,0.018237754335273363,0.0,0.0196353874930464,0.0,0.021889983388274442,0.03714515146448153,0.01951719436419414,0.0,0.036694690873220887,0.036383352989999417,0.0,0.019775176998133196,0.0,0.01995345344068579,0.01928047479262631,0.018331090778273728,0.0,0.02043706746634744,0.07694500104153458,0.0406079781189056,0.060230162293252974,0.06251330225974504,0.019559694150076447,0.0200704087471196,0.03777873444304308,0.026095324571833875,0.0902472297501601,0.018514282630574662,0.0163115424792558,0.08173783860990542,0.031024469577144963,0.02066598537361888,0.020164899248075616,0.17275110561546428,0.016672138714524352,0.06991644692320467,0.08631368915362797,0.056184600542259135,0.03711618763464389,0.040243902607492166,0.0,0.0,0.01861591986850743,0.0,0.0932597184967689,0.0,0.0589782444071005,0.039266655796153765,0.05431760709495773,0.05478845355747991,0.0,0.05352252268662268,0.05893709134059076,0.0,0.0,0.01772484733785105,0.02103104633995221,0.019383765354642868,0.07869037359289463,0.26286610871941146,0.07024578532978183,0.0,0.0,0.020511508260537145,0.02000390087018133,0.0,0.20490392053481904,0.08064730589997406,0.11579888946983838,0.0,0.03492493787565182,0.04164990206178485,0.0,0.09396578992164367,0.0,0.017675673156708503,0.02159334616201557,0.1114196959411494,0.0,0.0,0.03695496736378718,0.0,0.02366789351114914,0.037985581853178484,0.0,0.15866028402685614,0.0,0.03155080211502866,0.0,0.04407018394953842,0.0,0.0,0.04416053615152984,0.03363331270440829,0.09635415154652102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305538737129706,0.0,0.0,0.06260670558420334,0.028442042512361012,0.07307903909186733,0.0,0.09152443855901894,0.0,0.11801720156277724,0.0,0.021160168886492588,0.17380306694699846,0.042293151105724236,0.12123540076498635,0.0,0.03482019655659305,0.01919998465910422,0.05555603845725859,0.11877986823166567,0.016145765892484013,0.0,0.042249792443968086,0.1930318072110252,0.19635676899077292,0.059182111756392486,0.03629824498370573,0.0,0.09694308976522918,0.021231403825279417,0.0,0.035302501628129285,0.0,0.06270802294902615,0.020092758916973468,0.10826960075133177,0.07692203243083341,0.0,0.14358866239241555,0.04068966439169213,0.09145040715824147,0.032686650360225236,0.0439877957496065,0.11854010428412885,0.0,0.03321796452024985,0.034248356890438626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017806816121469074,0.0,0.05379275566110578,0.0,0.03765008024846775,0.09185626222988412,0.020196762231474825,0.0,0.10706107090110456
bpd,BetoGSanchez,2019/09/11,"I fear for my little sister who has BPD. (Maybe you can be triggered)  I am not very well versed in BPD and if I misinterpreted something or I am ignorant on the subject, I apologize as it'ss only from my perspective and limited knowledge.  


My sister (25) was diagnosed with BPD over 4 years ago and has attended CBT, has been admitted in psych ward more than 4 times. I know her life force is strong, she has dreams and goals, she is kind to other people and very empathetic and I know in my heart she can be the woman she dreams to be, but also she manipulates, she self-harms, suffers from anorexia and her relationship with a narcissist has made it worse.  


She has been hospitalized for half a year now and the psychiatrist says that the guy must disappear from her life since she is at risk if she continues in that relationship. He is a narcissistic man (I know because she confessed to me), and the relationship is of 3 years. This man doesn't do anything in his life, he does not look for work (even when his father was unemployed), he does not finish his study, he spends playing videogames for 5 or more hours in a row, he doesn't pay for anything, my sister even has paid for his tattoos, he isn't someone who can support her economically or emotionally in the hard times and according to the psychiatrist that relationship is what has put her worse, in addition to isolate her from their friendships. The worst part is that she is obsessed with him and he doesn't want to leave her.  


She stopped taking one med because it lowered her libido and it gave her a psychotic breakdown (good thing she went on her on to the psych ward) and it's her fault but that gives that the man really doesn't give a genuine fuck about her.  


All this weighs on my parents who are the ones who support her and pay for her hospitalization and meds and it does not seem to improve as long as she continues in that relationship and there is always the risk that she may be worst and die in moments of self-injury.  


She is not a victim and she makes her decisions but really she's not in control of her life and I mean if she somehow got herself semi-stable and wasn't in risk of hurting herself we would keep our distance but she isn't, and now we are looking at women's center and lawers to see what we can do to keep the guy away this is shitty but I don't want my sister to die.  


What do you think my family can do?",6.929746835443036,6.207708447257385,7.114526582278483,77.82477721518988,64.73839662447259,10.453198312236287,32.673080168776366,9.791249743138472,2.805660523206752,1900,65,385,34,25,615,207,474,0.157,0.774,0.069,-0.9938,4,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,4,2,1,5,10,20,2,5,20,0,51,8,1,5,2,74,77,39,2,7,17,6,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,7,25,30,1,6,10,3,4,4,14,13,1,3,10,5,69,7,54,60,6,42,1,2,3,1,86,22,1,9,16,277,94,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191363417967621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487673063704326,0.06750364067143398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352018401486274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622089731490837,0.0,0.0,0.09890776716142193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065274779348883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099012487638944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234156021174667,0.1683927325390779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129827053641113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125624955287352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716640759741483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647872376446355,0.0912897233381288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500002396023367,0.0,0.15564761729590987,0.0,0.06804495209038297,0.06488417098234596,0.0,0.0,0.16065572654093085,0.0,0.0,0.07267329475848892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613514181173624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989313507550752,0.0,0.08684745946797083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421769450575053,0.0,0.0844806327125224,0.1337547977733964,0.0,0.0,0.08590111456726941,0.0,0.0,0.22920782385612315,0.0,0.0813099377309836,0.0,0.07179428660834168,0.13625144110572288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767637350462244,0.05415248348261766,0.0,0.08150234512463865,0.08837040247141864,0.18022622204009864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994665890699816,0.06170026184645445,0.0,0.0,0.09008123580649176,0.08785195551920381,0.0,0.05624281180629863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155441143962186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394326293998868,0.0,0.0,0.43549681589132894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451494744589588,0.0,0.0,0.06464721527508786,0.07385440246996096,0.16926499867580785,0.0,0.0,0.06710857352289341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873811200476948,0.0624550448906667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782527986102828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412249184366025,0.0,0.0,0.06099693568574975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053896756960120064,0.0519825036456303,0.0,0.0,0.0946108802058076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387550681602098,0.09570087261659327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294235160457048,0.07520495991433487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906096526202222,0.0,0.1653494084352988,0.05762984726936232,0.0,0.0,0.15672817183143245
bpd,poetofwordsunknown,2019/09/11,"My BPD scared away my bf. I want him to stay. Long story short, my BPD is exacerbated to a dangerous level when I drink. I drink when I get nervous.  I thought my boyfriend was going to breakup with me so I drank and then became violent. I physically fought him to stay.  This scared him and so he left and said he needed space. 

My BPD wants to cut him off completely and move on with my life.  Whenever I do try and cut him off the next day I’m filled with tons of regret and go back to him.  He has always wanted to stay here and be here for me, he only backs off when I tell him too.  I really appreciate him dealing with my constant mood changes about how to cope with our current situation.

I needed this space more than he did.  It was actually this climax that brought me and my therapist to the conclusion that I have BPD.  I want to be with this guy but I’m having a hard time controlling my thoughts.  I do know though that I am way more depressed when I cut myself off from him. 

Also, I am 12 days sober now.  I’m really trying to get better.",1.4189682539682522,3.426539203703705,3.2260582010582013,90.25333333333334,80.57407407407408,6.706878306878308,20.93386243386244,7.793537801064563,0.7398640211640215,812,23,181,14,21,271,117,216,0.127,0.835,0.038,-0.9286,1,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,3,16,13,6,3,4,0,13,4,0,2,0,28,33,19,0,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,8,14,3,1,4,2,0,5,0,11,0,0,9,2,40,1,28,22,3,35,0,2,0,0,21,11,0,0,15,121,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.10424151575213146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542441096822143,0.0888833127986754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036148851307286,0.16427692578758976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447415742508544,0.0,0.0,0.5381473242366969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300205171716775,0.0,0.11199938739153767,0.11543514115823356,0.11980840811747664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778092529384905,0.1101273684167317,0.09200444320820723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928708051172992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161872985300424,0.0,0.1214172396973459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576920780125287,0.0,0.0,0.09569029352905108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870581897788583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606091583978953,0.0,0.07545056274397648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453288697164174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113533413571396,0.0,0.15841227195334212,0.0,0.0,0.11360494088764675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812418947913034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686404853597234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161087099543856,0.0,0.2138921506232972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007085213355002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34156970294294114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336592991338367,0.0,0.0,0.1240269726518898,0.0,0.0,0.1049507164818089,0.16960728010048534,0.0622879623665205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504837775186832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520222764662376,0.08478923581473499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eXCell1st,2019/09/11,"Meeting with my sister in a few hours Hi everyone, long time lurker, infrequent poster/commenter. So I’m meeting with my sister in a few hours who I split on last Christmas Eve. I reached out to her to meet up so that I could try and make amends for the verbal and emotional abuse I subjected her to on that night and other times in the past.

And I’m really scared and nervous. I’m scared she’s going to reject my apology or that I’ll mess it up somehow. I’ve been wanting to make amends for a long time now but I had been telling myself I couldn’t until I was actively in DBT (which I’m currently not) so that I’d have the right tools and skill sets. But then I saw a post on reddit that talked anoint just starting right now even if it’s not perfect, even if I’m scared. To just start. Even if it’s messy. I’m scared she’s going to tell me I’m too toxic of a person and she doesn’t want to associate with me anymore. 

I love my sister and I think she loves me but I’ve caused a great deal of emotional pain for her. Basically I guess I’m just looking for support and encouragement before I go do this. I think it’s the right thing to do but I’m just so scared.",2.0397599999999976,3.328948856,3.5866000000000007,91.6123,76.44,6.920000000000001,22.5,7.554174236665415,0.6809199999999991,914,25,211,12,20,303,122,250,0.142,0.727,0.131,-0.4571,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,15,15,0,6,10,0,10,3,0,3,1,39,36,23,0,7,14,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,13,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,5,2,28,6,29,29,2,36,0,1,2,2,24,13,0,6,18,128,42,0,0.0,0.12839846940707758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074720286160775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922132652287032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132388260190182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652310405542905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172274518085464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24379903675646655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472830961918968,0.0,0.0,0.10355035661907797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476425333171376,0.0,0.0,0.11947620481123088,0.11937967167232673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134414845043309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833445927415125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180470384759787,0.09100190469423496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956128693289113,0.0,0.14467308678276633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169611397409747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531129118666747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344960661903972,0.0,0.09462283862235986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378667713068353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942337512843637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776372772426358,0.0,0.0,0.5424768289623678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340698760801785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297482741353592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710216802848035,0.1894369791315507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199494552732745,0.13887579622315432,0.0,0.0,0.18957091903738305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357482149735209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278366176289132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yikoe,2019/09/11,"Do any of you switch jobs really frequently? I’m at my 6th job since May. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t quit because I’m bored. I have reasons for each ones but it has become so excessive that it can’t be justifiable or normal. My psychiatrist did say that therapy would help me with this, but he didn’t get in too many details so I’m not sure why it’s a BPD thing so I’m asking y’all here. Any of you do this too?",-0.3135051546391736,1.4556628556701057,2.4259896907216496,94.94620103092787,85.3917525773196,6.35422680412371,17.94742268041237,7.554174236665415,0.1479740206185567,335,8,85,6,10,117,66,97,0.077,0.883,0.04,-0.3068,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,12,0,0,1,1,13,19,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,1,10,1,7,14,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,51,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28750259153041235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761952923461504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288603482905188,0.23346177420821815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662361693181587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104416642872748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168912452506113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195405486145236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617348378365705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143145618947091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711565626673775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324218579327774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248374819665703,0.0,0.0,0.13542076066725914,0.21734238353416135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810446411665095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486258977672814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923097516287436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24174094868648846,0.0,0.14043699646511498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074506531964194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501641863765772,0.2311199265041224,0.0,0.0
bpd,cookies1995,2019/09/11,"BPD blog I’ve been considering making a bpd blog, to record my experiences and journey for myself and other people to read and to relate to, hopefully help them a bit because knowing we’re not alone and having that support is important. 

I’d also throw in posts of my interests and hopefully it can motivate me to peruse drawing again, even if it’s just doodles. When I was a kid I loved drawing, being creative and baking, I feel like that passion and motivation was stolen away from me.

Anyone know any good bpd blogs? Any advice on starting it, I’ve never made a blog before.",7.381351351351353,7.019805288288289,7.99617117117117,70.68452702702703,63.684684684684676,10.282882882882882,34.71621621621622,9.725611199111238,3.3887405405405406,461,18,79,8,6,154,79,111,0.026000000000000002,0.679,0.295,0.9824,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,5,8,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,4,1,20,17,10,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,7,1,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,9,8,11,12,1,10,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,3,5,52,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832409266033126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678038825595413,0.0,0.12956735494858926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035834494335127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328816818931847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222314626412234,0.0,0.0,0.09876590303749948,0.0,0.13786710739608346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688390378833746,0.0,0.6121756467242284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701269804594038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848667303431024,0.0,0.0,0.08192219247605513,0.11574713777959593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358947094494989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085986070964238,0.0,0.0,0.3218448836163279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808393640279205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915479995726912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462293976736362,0.15330726453460672,0.10814962436984646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495983100807928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232428467122142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517039687045694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206386928474076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146786071581432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838584036254196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Leannimall,2019/09/11,"Looking for advice.. My partner has BPD, I’ve also been diagnosed with PTSD from being raised by a narcissist. So as you can imagine our relationship can get pretty toxic at times. He hasn’t had any therapy or anything but is starting to come to terms with having BPD. 

I just want to some advice of how I can make life easier for him? It’s a bit difficult at times because he’ll use some manipulation tactics that my mother has used which can trigger my PTSD but once I’m having an episode he is very empathetic and understands what he did/said is wrong. He will do anything for me and our kids and has the biggest loving heart but I see him struggle with himself a hell of a lot. I can see how much he hates himself and thinks people don’t like him (including me). He has quite bad abandonment issues, he thinks one day he’ll come home and I won’t be here (which will never happen). His temper and how quickly he can fly off the handle is becoming a real issue, is there anything I can do to help this? I try and talk calmly and tell him it’s just his BPD and not anger from what is actually going on but I don’t think that actually helps.",4.574885057471266,5.095992120689658,5.751482758620693,81.37512643678163,69.60344827586206,8.600459770114943,27.96666666666667,8.648137234880735,1.9205956321839084,900,29,183,14,15,301,135,232,0.129,0.728,0.14300000000000002,0.1249,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,0,1,10,12,4,1,8,0,31,4,1,8,1,42,53,20,0,1,8,1,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,2,9,14,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,9,0,1,2,3,24,3,20,44,6,15,1,1,3,1,30,5,1,4,8,123,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.2127043019776264,0.0,0.0,0.21299478177470024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715404594677481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741125005120636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690523429168176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099664976217306,0.06643531508936358,0.12036368624331915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898172872426545,0.0,0.4117826165647208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775922809626952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028532569054763,0.0,0.0,0.11061593350276072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569393677982063,0.0,0.06193782062629408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637372742146406,0.0,0.0,0.1075986190932684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914594314923425,0.14609865264893288,0.0,0.10931931185087598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275008671584967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697825173819225,0.05324382113936731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151867119258128,0.0,0.0,0.09265385354593783,0.09836184159716893,0.0,0.07274731613681573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011539425888105,0.0,0.0840547748890967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606384452378828,0.07385002348286958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555541958125647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087537480447664,0.0,0.0,0.2547917014258847,0.0,0.0,0.11591734118762455,0.0,0.12404705458708568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700746671163273,0.0,0.0,0.10366824212253203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369143959911576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713906486196874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393319139506515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759678935010752,0.09525636118885863,0.0,0.12463210218693932,0.0,0.0,0.20949663153522904,0.0,0.0,0.1270982819194904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399262597077925,0.0,0.0,0.11345564145742212,0.0,0.18825346228792766,0.0,0.08992278092331299,0.06428127748788437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191563218975225,0.0,0.0
bpd,mulehead3,2019/09/11,"Impulse control I am having major issues with impulsivity, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how I can control them. Thanks",6.74625,9.417887791666667,8.265,57.18000000000001,66.91666666666666,9.8,37.0,10.125756701596842,4.88515,113,6,14,3,2,39,21,24,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,0,6,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254757805242662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318381738909647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7437573770268588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460680400613375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052607900613655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595684348510285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gltichy,2019/09/11,"I want to sleep but can't and also I don't want to sleep brain funky times I'm trying to sleep but I just keep thinking of all the different ways I could kill myself. If I had an attempt right now then people would believe I'm sick enough to get help. That I just can't wait till the end of the month to be put on another waiting list. That I'm sick enough to get inpatiented. No-one fucking cares and noones helping me. What's the fucking point. 
I was meant to be inpatiented yesterday but the doctor who had the authority to do it said no because I'm not sick enough. Even though multiple psychs thought it was a good idea. I'm so sick of not being helped. I'm so sick of this.",2.6471212121212133,3.8251686111111134,3.8557323232323237,90.7352272727273,74.69444444444444,7.180808080808082,24.202020202020197,7.686295010490155,0.9024111111111108,536,16,123,7,11,175,84,144,0.205,0.679,0.115,-0.9613,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,3,0,8,0,13,12,4,0,1,22,33,12,1,5,8,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,7,1,9,2,14,21,4,13,0,0,0,2,5,3,2,1,8,73,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121781728531726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470909695812537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551057129580569,0.0,0.0,0.15804232024026524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565937189309611,0.0,0.0,0.1430201015116379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119984787622762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655791881264574,0.0,0.1435777981551039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242423531195585,0.43482590486132944,0.0,0.09265056729486454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593646618499399,0.14657619560010626,0.0,0.0,0.11765633567580633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28207089640697464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583538326732111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468320539502326,0.1551939274140446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196647215403056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724928803599413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260557764803976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101550391919696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979441036140386,0.13343401167294056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211300636665808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988280115290889,0.1378198512710891,0.11136298493967152,0.08179570370842587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523777692523044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547611023502898,0.11134406949381376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964760716214624,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nuncastable,2019/09/11,"I keep taking everything the worst possible way. It's driving a wedge between my wife and I. My wife sent me articles yesterday, complete with excerpts and helpful summaries. My immediate thought was ""these are rules that I must follow. This was important enough for her to seek it and share it, these must be important messages meant for me.""
I internalized all of that grief, getting down on myself for ever being a different way, started hitting myself and contemplating worse things.
I just want to be a complete and okay person, but it feels like I never will get there.
How do I stop taking things the worst possible way? I write affirmations to myself and read them when I'm worried, but then I rationalize that past me was lying to future me.",6.808848337388482,8.006678335766427,6.883892944038934,72.82094079480943,64.91240875912409,9.884509326845095,34.20032441200324,9.994966539143718,3.5808854825628567,600,26,100,13,9,192,89,137,0.156,0.76,0.084,-0.9371,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,5,1,11,0,0,1,5,23,25,11,1,3,3,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,7,0,2,3,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,6,1,21,3,12,12,4,17,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,10,80,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36060209797032905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966584583039266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776848466435685,0.0,0.0,0.1555513407010447,0.0,0.0,0.15455021210295525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695019752408191,0.1228511614325342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968825140564065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526388701857793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284956104472552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401295525965592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262928713613442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164159156894555,0.0,0.1501523874171724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877272873829761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720105995691457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217170493465692,0.0,0.0,0.1437696572535412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25859114934800026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284905654974292,0.0,0.0,0.13652025796682474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142886017679477,0.4094912083742955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463785397218853,0.1752460721616424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,allopic,2019/09/11,BPD family? Any of you have a family in which everyone has a BPD diagnosis?,0.8460000000000001,3.3816392666666717,6.2150000000000025,63.86250000000001,89.66666666666666,13.66666666666667,20.833333333333336,11.20814326018867,4.870333333333333,59,2,11,4,2,24,12,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251916157679292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7501556838805341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845676167871358,0.0,0.0,0.5614923958630702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,--jam--,2019/09/11,"Down’s syndrome and BPD? I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD and am seeing now how much my upbringing has to do with this. My younger sister is 18 and still lives at home with my parents. She has Down’s syndrome. I’ve noticed some traits in her that are similar to how I was when I was younger and some Behaviour that seems like BPD tendencies. 

I was wondering if anyone knows anything about BPD in Down’s syndrome or even anything about mental health generally in Down’s syndrome. 

I would hate for her to be going through what I was when I was younger regarding mental health. I’m worried because she wouldn’t be able to articulate what she’s feeling (I couldn’t even really do that til recently, with help from actually getting the diagnosis). 

How do I bring this up with my parents? They do not know I have BPD and don’t know much about my mental health generally and I don’t want them to, but I feel they won’t take it seriously if I have nothing to back up what I’m thinking. Also, I don’t want it to come across like I’m blaming them and saying they’re bad parents. I just really doubt they’ll take it seriously or they’ll just get offended. Any advice??",3.5011497628190646,5.255432523605151,4.638983510277843,83.64540546645583,73.54935622317598,8.167065733002032,28.572170770273324,8.841846274778883,2.2441553648068675,930,38,187,19,19,305,112,233,0.109,0.843,0.048,-0.9481,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,6,0,16,8,2,1,1,0,28,4,0,3,0,42,50,19,0,7,8,4,2,2,0,5,4,1,1,0,11,13,0,0,8,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,6,4,30,2,30,36,4,22,0,0,1,0,17,11,0,9,10,128,41,0,0.09483230933872658,0.0,0.09254265418951492,0.0,0.0,0.0926690351379006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583736351620997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448922228878641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630895565065656,0.0,0.15607782069870155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292019223236723,0.07918101714962933,0.057808895571215414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5971898692487965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168963746878526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625279777437808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527169186683712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590012998747507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909193514051763,0.0,0.05389538680862463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936272722783488,0.0,0.3024069308050778,0.0,0.0,0.06356409797046048,0.0,0.09512453842062392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635207140025678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266055235586426,0.0,0.08373866655454344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867059890487131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394253178186521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099415845203464,0.10796721272645443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159001706204515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150401136490087,0.0,0.187270929633898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541445867634383,0.0,0.0,0.07556907256248507,0.08633177276952507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573320473779492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260418919241355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076471466343361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118691061367863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284159420236894,0.0,0.09630681340331668,0.0,0.06736615168235419,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jordanrbutler,2019/09/11,Thank you I am newly diagnosed and I’m crying reading these posts. For the first time I don’t feel alone or crazy.,0.4287500000000009,2.795221041666672,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,88.58333333333334,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.3753166666666661,91,2,20,1,3,29,22,24,0.28800000000000003,0.615,0.096,-0.6124,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808834718911834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039618122304372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732637807932724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859480759281364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31281238020664137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522078189923976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36785471384661456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33857957322950183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444101107013747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrnight9021,2019/09/11,"Should I sell my stuff and book a trip to Bali for a month??? I feel lost, depressed, small, weak. I just want to be anywhere but where I am. Is this a good idea",-1.0410000000000004,0.8092859714285723,0.2967857142857149,108.5194642857143,89.28571428571428,3.5,14.464285714285715,3.1291,-1.754,119,2,33,0,4,37,29,35,0.18,0.657,0.163,0.3617,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,3,4,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,21,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388083777578296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889932346116185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299394822636961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444066027269748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294090287552183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31398360012829984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503137039239084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320193886047676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gooseglug,2019/09/11,"Feeling angry, sad and most of all defeated. I feel hurt, sad and angry. But most of all I feel defeated. After a big life change that happened the end of May and dealing with the rollercoaster that came with the change, my mental health was starting to get better. I thought things were starting to stabilize and looking up.

That is until yesterday. The beginning of June I decided to move out of my old toxic apartment complex. My sons dad opened his house to me and gave me a safe place to stay. I’m on a section 8 voucher for my rent. When I talked to the lady about my move and worrying about losing it, she suggested my sons dad becoming a section 8 landlord. My sons dad owns his own house.

We worked hard to get his house ready for the inspection. The inspection happened August 29th. The guy told us we passed. I was relieved! That is until yesterday.

Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from section 8 stating that the application for sons dad to become a section 8 landlord cannot be processed because he lives in the same house. Oh and my voucher expires 10-19-19.

I’m hurt, sad, angry and feeling defeated because when I talk to the lady at section 8 I told her that I was staying with my sons dad. Why would she even suggest him becoming a section 8 landlord when she knew the rules?! Did she not even listen to my story or did she completely ignore that fact?

I know that if I was to find a place that takes a section 8 voucher to move into and I move out of my sons dad’s house right now I would disappear out of my sons life again. I sure as hell don’t want that to happen! (I would disappear because I lack the confidence to be a mom and have always lacked that confidence) But if I stay here at my sons dad’s house I lose my voucher. 

I’m screwed either way. I’m fucking screwed. I’m starting to feel like my life will never stabilize in order for me to continue my battle. It’s just one fucking thing after another.",2.9572022551092303,4.800624894056849,4.2291143998120715,85.62949260042284,75.2532299741602,7.274888419074466,28.264740427531123,8.101407402915765,1.9458258397932813,1522,64,300,25,33,500,171,387,0.17300000000000001,0.769,0.057999999999999996,-0.993,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,3,0,0,7,11,22,6,0,24,0,19,8,0,0,5,57,52,21,0,8,8,16,6,1,0,5,4,1,4,1,15,21,0,2,11,0,1,8,4,17,0,1,14,8,51,5,49,31,17,60,1,10,1,4,42,24,5,6,23,202,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269892274507928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901317031838218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780168870432302,0.2496611809652149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666427444172644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618264481855098,0.0,0.0,0.15942490637580606,0.0,0.07900516662181474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768463108614518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673953020868098,0.0,0.0,0.09953860627344524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050124449789052,0.05383150310711415,0.0,0.0,0.06887038751265666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932346941256887,0.07873664807936459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026589948832465,0.0,0.0,0.0746103535065113,0.1999006457265091,0.0,0.06750061549822595,0.0,0.0,0.08009568102522034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5216767328415116,0.16133180662929816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141150338442298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967009517092967,0.03681319418849484,0.0,0.06653722030749215,0.0,0.06327672474270388,0.16859928770373722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593712017687806,0.0,0.0,0.0882513832529314,0.0,0.3203491185177417,0.0,0.0,0.05811612848677874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079069276705795,0.0,0.0510604835851961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745366059680993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435021929641352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000365752391033,0.2409457044584673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101839364311043,0.0,0.056655346588822,0.12113020995218915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001210769446073,0.0,0.0,0.059821092492975986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400418177641322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063921056709114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444457779714735,0.05981093164252091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799348406178682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054857173055858514,0.07652364103929406,0.0,0.1605837539640234,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PsychySav,2019/09/11,"How can I help my spouse and our relationship? I am an empath, so when he’s feeling really down I also feel it. When he’s irritated, agitated, and pissed off at the world I just end up getting frustrated with him, so we fight. I feel the only time his moods don’t cause a fight is when I just leave him alone. That’s hard because I feel I should help him get through it. I hurt for him because I know he’s hurting as a result of this disorder. 

What are some ways I can help him work through the intense emotions that he is feeling? Or any tips for a spouse of someone with BPD would be helpful really.  Thank you guys in advance.",3.5815299145299164,4.35859077692308,4.74794871794872,86.74927350427353,72.0,7.931623931623932,28.290598290598286,8.167268648758528,1.6612649572649572,491,18,108,7,9,162,84,130,0.23399999999999999,0.636,0.129,-0.9434,0,1,0,0,2,0,13.0,2,1,0,2,9,8,4,0,7,0,10,1,1,3,0,20,19,11,0,2,3,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,6,21,1,14,16,1,13,0,2,0,0,23,6,1,2,5,71,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569426475387108,0.0,0.12793844389561554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879400819231053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950484510481321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014931401606179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643467344303694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833545167131511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995947774961266,0.14169755951410418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044613641322821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167169155106154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840844209272084,0.0,0.0,0.14331345234064044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42893325426488055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425304793110369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792253926623457,0.0,0.0,0.16939902517776306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167437247647288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497856756027533,0.0,0.0,0.17176199971710313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555317908068884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729096321346666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328744428294433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698715468194516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646961732504005,0.0,0.0,0.11364741886938325,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rshuks,2019/09/11,"I'm trying so hard to keep going, I feel like I'm the only one who wants me to be OK  

I am trying to keep going, but I'm feeling more and more isolated and helpless as time goes on. 6 months have passed and I'm not seeing any friends, I'm not working, I'm just dissociating most of the day, the only thing I really do is go to the park and read or go to the gym sometimes. I'm not on benefits, I've lost a lot of money. I feel so exhausted, abandoned, scared. I know I need to get proper therapy, but it's so hard getting things sorted. It hurts a lot that I'm the only person in my life who cares about me getting better. My ex who I last saw 6 months ago deleted me on social media recently, I think he has a new girlfriend. I hadn't replied to him in about a month, I've just felt unable to reply to anyone.

We were living together saving money to go travelling, something I have been so set on doing for so many years now, he kept making me wait, 7 months went by, he kept neglecting me and yet leading me on if I tried to leave, because I knew it was what I was supposed to be doing. I eventually moved out to go on our trip, begging him to come with me and he just never came. I fell apart and I felt too scared to go away without having therapy because I didn't want to end up hurting myself or being unable to take care of myself when I was away. So now I'm unable to travel for another year or so, because I'm waiting to get ECS and trauma therapy on the NHS. I didn't realise my hopes for my future would be ruined by dating this guy. I am too ill to travel now, and he is doing so well without me, I helped him get his career started and I helped him get himself out of debt, and now he's just dating someone else and throwing me to the dirt.

I'm trying so hard to keep myself going, I know I need proper help for my BPD, but I can't bare living where I am, I want to be outdoors, I live in a really built up city with no nature around. Just simply getting outside in the sun helps so much with my mental health and I'm totally losing it here. I am back living with family, my dad was emotionally abusive to me as a child and his family have a similar way of behaving, invalidating my disorder, talking to me with no respect. It's not good for me being here but I can't seem to think straight anymore, I can't seem to pull myself up. I'm scared, and the pain is killing me, I can't keep doing this, I've already lost so many years to this illness. I'm missing out on my life",4.2040725049930385,3.747314288930582,6.01492101918538,82.56216001936694,70.27579737335834,8.603498154088241,28.07534951280034,8.049812674583475,1.65711588694547,1928,58,422,23,31,673,232,533,0.214,0.725,0.06,-0.9982,1,0,1,0,0,1,51.0,2,0,0,6,32,29,1,3,17,1,37,7,0,2,2,84,105,37,1,8,19,2,8,1,2,1,7,0,0,3,15,27,0,10,12,5,3,21,16,17,1,1,19,10,67,12,72,79,7,73,0,10,2,0,31,24,0,11,27,275,82,4,0.0,0.0793636037539743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937616494886362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391712849099928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045550565848342994,0.07023725203086482,0.0,0.0,0.06642888761142822,0.04683589510778277,0.0,0.0,0.05962884724337043,0.0,0.0,0.12586499411816468,0.05150559892132295,0.0,0.12249618513981544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059240797664524725,0.0,0.0,0.08436242676758307,0.0,0.0,0.07661041976186601,0.13658675232001502,0.0,0.0,0.05769970668875924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043198331373509605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676803277961958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595549124968948,0.07534657631858924,0.059326833549394824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262907477592258,0.0,0.10160547059237937,0.04785248884077528,0.12862788552339022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175070525598015,0.0,0.24497004999623914,0.0,0.3045427162702875,0.05618195138298173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632345192874235,0.0,0.0,0.18001015744147672,0.0,0.0,0.07119952929471755,0.0,0.0,0.17958849726723675,0.0,0.0,0.06652898290684935,0.0,0.0,0.14341283506479582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381493777973556,0.07410648678482308,0.0,0.07362393354091361,0.054599880014370994,0.0,0.07092505901028273,0.0,0.0,0.09462379222031776,0.032724387438949974,0.0,0.23658797607230064,0.0,0.0,0.07493656193616045,0.14623916490029362,0.11389267472792908,0.0,0.0,0.044711504686592886,0.1358199870391231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750285587668169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385996288086806,0.0711920610340367,0.04924002720784073,0.0993337184066145,0.05166122492156672,0.06469235580068403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045389243843021725,0.1528301955494214,0.07127436693254989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848675225786828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700087488304192,0.0,0.08582172763272884,0.0,0.06613738318606266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011842491501321,0.0,0.053376578189162464,0.12195715689460955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682804766574306,0.056754265352120366,0.051566592199354284,0.06624765091208226,0.0,0.04741073407586301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036269069093805,0.053838195902539014,0.0,0.0,0.2298018311995632,0.0,0.08900072338097241,0.08583968105981615,0.0,0.0,0.03905817925305762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190755720218504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852448140853948,0.053167787889650465,0.0,0.0,0.06022553511632979,0.06209367883827796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291379583453775,0.0,0.04876423859591302,0.0,0.0,0.0475826226344508,0.0,0.0,0.12940408156186545
bpd,hvy17,2019/09/11,"what is your interpretation of ""mania"" today I had a social worker tell me that what I experience is not mania but complete instability and lack of understanding of the emotions I experience. I'm just wondering what your definitions are, do you suffer from ""mania"" or ""manic episodes"" ?",12.832040816326533,10.470855571428572,13.471122448979592,42.11852040816328,54.51020408163265,15.514285714285714,44.90816326530612,13.816669648895859,6.497114285714287,229,10,32,7,2,81,37,49,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,8,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,4,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139469533091496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33681876453340703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5858005430508938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30523146389909545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617152640014986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838248954486995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31171748307305225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32471936750392205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Flysai,2019/09/11,"DAE spiral down a whole of awfulness? Ok, the title is a bit vague but hear me out. Sometimes I just get so frustrated with my condition (BPD) that I spiral completely out of control in a maelstrom of the thought that my lack of consistency in personality will cause my life, my existence to be the torture that it is forever.

It's very distressing and usually only happens when I'm thinking about my different ""personality"". I can't help but think that my entire life will be a complete mess because of the impulses I have, the way my relationships fluctuate wildly and the frankly awful financial decisions I make that, at the time, seem entirely reasonable.

I know that this got a little of topic but I just wanted to get it out in one post, thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day (:",7.8768377483443714,7.436062536423839,8.650720198675497,66.65965645695364,62.70860927152317,12.848013245033115,39.40480132450331,12.161744961471696,5.081098675496689,637,31,112,20,8,216,96,151,0.174,0.716,0.109,-0.9006,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,2,1,13,3,9,2,0,4,0,26,25,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,10,7,0,1,8,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,17,3,19,19,3,15,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,4,81,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747369994025422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456964429899385,0.0,0.20138875011305804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426158928145854,0.0,0.0,0.3353047111729467,0.0,0.17934171166259574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312242423096953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670617139580809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670825477107947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278868261758143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139925092802968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802191875646635,0.0,0.10717775787487374,0.0,0.0,0.158817014010457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787698814698422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258845314953645,0.0,0.1602620441247197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673464941109408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835253840321503,0.12161133512681667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792374374870443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531402259180317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994350762752207,0.0,0.0,0.16440407431730686,0.0,0.17167301284983233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556716974259218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814542239125134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472146543592658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049152299324637,0.0,0.1269429266343006,0.09323911370088246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610751980723635,0.1319344410984142,0.09431330227307698,0.12692136487338804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785229035211157,0.0,0.0,0.17340498543705946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,valueyoghurt,2019/09/11,"What are some practical steps to one can take to get emotions under control? I treat people I love like crap often because I have very low resilience and patience. I snap at people and try to explain faster (and rudely) because I feel super rushed to explain/do everything?  
What are the first steps towards being more emotionally normal?",5.921999999999998,8.38891386666667,5.6099999999999985,76.215,68.66666666666666,6.8000000000000025,32.0,7.554174236665415,2.5129,272,12,40,3,5,84,45,60,0.075,0.718,0.207,0.8704,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,1,7,2,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,0,9,10,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,0,1,5,4,7,9,2,9,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,2,3,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30510524246820986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28068133483708485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5630045232166309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491231442919996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653602928859006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286607191869236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074747665974182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226154822031927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586416192770226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451959557867925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957870441884407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34698946757636906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881599937631322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990615651711233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064859016632832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bzziambee,2019/09/11,"Shameful thoughts So, this is gonna be an embarrassing post. I just got diagnosed with BPD (haven’t started therapy yet) and, as probably anyone else, I started googling the symptoms and also ended up here. And now, while reading the posts I just realise ... I’m not special. Like, this is such a messed up thought to have, and I feel horrible. I hate the symptoms that I’m experiencing and I hate the way I feel (or don’t feel) all the time, just as much as I hate that other people would have to feel that way. But I still feel like a weird sting (jealousy? Anger? Idk) when realising that wow other people feel that way too, even tho that is absolutely stupid. So, has anyone ever felt that way before or am I just a horrible human being? 

PS pls don’t be too harsh I really couldn’t take it",1.6676470588235297,4.065466420382165,3.2690895466466863,88.07391532409143,82.24840764331209,6.241888347695768,22.611090295991005,7.510576382923642,1.0121348070438358,616,21,126,10,17,203,91,157,0.253,0.703,0.044000000000000004,-0.9878,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,18,13,5,2,9,0,15,3,0,0,2,27,34,17,0,2,8,0,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,9,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,4,8,11,4,8,24,2,18,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,12,85,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179764406852176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780150351465771,0.1304286149303178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831854005997042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032340506700726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920159132827966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633851150420573,0.0,0.11274545234084472,0.0,0.0,0.0840770466512595,0.11514547791172132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861846000159253,0.0909394649471136,0.12222301671390112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018093186645662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37703192581822936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437966578174495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357636011706773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650043957058975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438265539472917,0.0,0.13724537623145944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273292959353965,0.0,0.08154833929042121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019989739530606,0.0,0.1016578301593866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646161750920423,0.09570988376320956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557275270600542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021157809039179,0.07422664962945251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404162901469524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904266078522169,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meggie_doodles,2019/09/11,"Going to own up to a huge costly mistake I made at work... Send me your good vibes Long story short I have been rocking it at my new job for the first year, then suddenly these pretty massive mistakes I made months ago have been coming to light. Each one seems like a bigger deal than the last, like on Monday something I dropped the ball on cost our (grant funded) department over $200. Last night I realized I dropped the ball on something that has the potential to derail someone's career path (highly unlikely, but I work with post doc grad students so it is possible)

I have gotten no sleep and have been throwing up all night because of how stressed I am about coming forward with yet another Big Mistake (tm). All of these mistakes were made in May when I had a month long severe crisis at home, but that's just an explanation, not an excuse. 

It's taking every bit of energy I have to not just go in and quit because I feel like such a failure. Wish me luck, send me strength. I need it...",5.5045748299319675,5.817136158163269,5.710612244897959,83.21176870748302,67.5204081632653,8.370068027210884,30.10884353741497,8.07648339933343,1.961851700680272,781,27,154,9,12,248,127,196,0.156,0.7170000000000001,0.126,-0.7494,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,0,5,8,11,0,1,11,0,14,1,1,4,2,30,27,8,0,6,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,3,3,3,9,3,5,0,2,9,2,19,6,24,17,5,45,0,0,0,0,6,17,0,3,21,97,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825477514923652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988593660711224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626439255866801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564283624435032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298318137095081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753387360202193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239879312461333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674531724370215,0.0953039879397858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347354532815028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516333636017774,0.11189311458497954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094886288843667,0.1338152908430142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238308501156698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748445827834853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552366249095,0.0,0.0,0.2361170400221183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37869084205199216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296392117680155,0.0,0.0,0.09891752477638413,0.0,0.12884260874161949,0.0,0.2503816114165294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039813921079336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039319241994234,0.12776434835143474,0.1357200322210989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418917889451258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144617439365485,0.0,0.15070877527613447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335005440445484,0.0,0.11303294670100696,0.2054021431326451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528140616640087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030335688902403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534082475967397,0.0,0.0,0.19423969451209164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590793169655941
bpd,mothsoft,2019/09/11,"I sleep with people to make them stay I am beyond disappointed with myself. Went through a phase last fall until a couple months ago where I just slept around to keep people in my life.
Thought that was through but I did it again. We had talked about taking things slow, but they wanted it, so I gave in because I didn’t want to lose them. Can’t even cry, I feel completely numb. Numb but ashamed",2.109018987341773,4.424705772151904,2.1523892405063307,97.21946993670888,79.8860759493671,4.9626582278481015,18.735759493670887,5.985473137389443,-0.3994696202531647,312,7,68,2,8,93,59,79,0.251,0.731,0.017,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,3,1,8,5,0,1,2,0,6,5,2,1,0,14,16,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,8,1,13,0,13,8,0,14,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030771461962324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039413650171507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965298319925232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24019968065625655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534870775094661,0.2516479333286662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131378403579407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583631817916595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036284090305708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674139405137474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181518040881113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562964980452805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292137479260576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285986887533928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31764851953213635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22925847574440505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244182685517516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224944570077022,0.1841362976146637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219922783135295,0.0,0.0,0.18187427389531866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27025000643006625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237153167710968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,based_anaxes,2019/09/11,"Coworker FP rejection Prior to her getting hired i was starting To hate my job, but when she came into my life everything became worth it for her and i started excelling at work just to impress her 
from the moment i met her i felt as though we were kindred spirits and i was instantly obsessed with her trying to hang out with her all the time we ended up bonding over a mutual interest in smoking weed and listening to music and we slowly found out we had a lot in common.
 We were always on the same wavelength in a way ive never experienced with anyone else. 
Eventually she started putting out major signs she was interested in me like inviting me to hang out (which she never did) telling me she missed me, touching my hand and inviting me to lay in her bed beside her and watch movies
I decided to finally tell her how I feel convinced she was into me and she said she doesnt feel the same way 
Now i hate going to work again, i wanna just stop showing up, im miserable every day at work and at home, she acts so distant now, i hate seeing her at work even though i still try to spend time with her outside of work by helping her get weed and i feel like a fucking idiot for thinking she liked me more than a friend and i regret telling her so fucking much i shouldnt have told her im so dumb and i hate myself and i am deeply unhappy",3.3579120879120907,4.75344208058608,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846156,73.24908424908425,7.2512820512820495,27.285714285714285,7.793537801064563,1.5924461538461545,1060,39,213,14,21,350,147,273,0.157,0.687,0.156,-0.3233,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,5,0,0,6,14,22,8,2,9,0,13,4,1,1,3,50,38,21,0,3,3,0,6,3,1,1,1,2,2,0,2,28,0,1,7,1,2,6,4,13,0,0,14,11,57,9,41,23,7,46,1,4,2,2,38,19,3,1,22,156,59,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890138918937288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480119073283156,0.10961114261375172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223538187439782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899167010631141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936601646846279,0.0,0.09475035721407216,0.0,0.0,0.07065766324328325,0.0,0.09013320028607218,0.0,0.0961445245287551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622731917002851,0.07642478352516273,0.1027152248980624,0.11718867766308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172953625574001,0.08265059022578325,0.1977980434364472,0.11178270970789814,0.0,0.06079780730571267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224727343548911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717047971785049,0.0,0.1073072056700866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311082241799257,0.0,0.10615871206559037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556140769219183,0.1567914827379407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094848796837138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864080868717008,0.0,0.16501536396206018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075419857527066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176014823505074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524725739959177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715778277948706,0.0,0.08543241009925769,0.08943802244086015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280509283357559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854689486156279,0.21020980062346056,0.0,0.12475894009334745,0.0,0.0,0.10222163402238456,0.0,0.14526146933575992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982760054544627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894046546735121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SaySomethingDesign,2019/09/11,"DAE feel like BPD is like having a self-aware version of Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder) with a smidge of locked-in syndrome for good measure? How would you describe the whole of it? I am finally starting taking my decade-old diagnosis seriously and I'm stuck in some serious introspection. I'm trying to find a way to explain to my family (and myself, if I'm honest) what is going on with me. After a rather worrisome incident last year I discovered that I've been dissociating. A lot, and for a very long time. My dad, whom I care about tremendously, has an interest in psychology, so I was thinking of how to describe 'me'  in terms of other, well-understood disorders that I know he has at least heard of. How would you describe the daily grind?",7.02472796934866,7.828581572413793,8.271264367816094,64.45739463601535,64.3103448275862,12.513409961685824,36.8007662835249,12.06081838636515,5.070157088122606,628,30,105,22,9,216,100,145,0.07400000000000001,0.821,0.105,0.7582,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,9,0,10,0,0,3,0,19,23,8,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,2,13,6,21,17,6,16,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,11,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721448313368366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584025225967614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5929818237929934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625852915223847,0.0,0.08720382846533216,0.1232095143356336,0.0,0.18892771944521464,0.15763050458867653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801621889242176,0.14465602755497575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478262588638184,0.1405825457007834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851603671859552,0.0,0.0,0.15262669724730274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662415142404414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097371649470725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059037712203815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991931480837334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207209408103832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296727257241168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050904216599032,0.0,0.0,0.10056612337585956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709287395394954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230224585352982,0.0,0.13689522703784374,0.0,0.0,0.1550673562032938,0.0,0.0,0.1925517696201704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502933776814714,0.0,0.0,0.11106224168289153
bpd,OiyeahnahitstheBPD,2019/09/11,Oi Do you guys embrass the spiral or just bitch out?,1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,79.0,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.5321636363636362,41,1,9,0,1,13,11,11,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FuckBitchesNgetMoney,2019/09/11,"DAE get so nostaligic about a good time in your life that it's physically hurting? I made the mistake to log into an online forum i used to be a part of. For the sake of information i couldn't remember. 
While in there i got to read old messages from People, No longer in my life. The messages were so full of banter and normal day conversation. Im in a great place today, but reading these just making me ache so bad. Knowing that this is a finite part of my life :( it's like my skin is on fire",1.943290183387269,3.6490694563106807,3.881100323624597,87.62083063646173,77.73786407766991,6.519525350593313,22.124056094929887,7.3871296695380915,0.7279285868392664,386,11,83,5,9,131,74,103,0.195,0.735,0.071,-0.9307,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,0,5,4,1,3,0,13,11,6,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,9,3,16,6,3,13,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,6,56,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716739162873888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139525287393353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834441093405574,0.0,0.0,0.15788161204926665,0.15054779519230274,0.2075284701680341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150821599482746,0.0,0.2033248453931924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344839425040456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988653781030101,0.09196154485568864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811140817503193,0.12564754807014286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844291947447554,0.0,0.0,0.1975197479266638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076778051259056,0.0,0.1304976419465648,0.0,0.19666429646834646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765695521373492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323224368884575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097606642771382,0.0,0.17842366817353125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257359864457388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kopeisdope,2019/09/11,DEA feel like they need constant reassurance in their relationships? I feel like I’m always second-guessing myself or repeatedly asking my boyfriend if he stills loves me/is attracted to me. I feel like it isn’t fair for me to seek this kind of validation from him because he’s a wonderful guy who loves me despite my crazy tendencies. I just overthink the slightest things and it snowballs in my head into a WAY bigger issue than it is. I don’t know why my mind won’t just let me be happy for once in my life.,7.656176470588236,6.3258887352941215,7.983647058823529,74.1584117647059,63.607843137254896,10.905098039215686,35.10588235294117,9.888512548439397,3.2064682352941176,409,15,80,7,5,135,72,102,0.0,0.71,0.29,0.9833,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,3,9,0,0,3,0,6,4,1,0,0,13,16,3,0,2,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,17,9,11,13,0,9,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,3,6,49,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857903184277502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693265069973426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885057561638704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296357183234975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708610218464565,0.3826971308653339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670768821950144,0.17680581426440306,0.0,0.19008403232951845,0.0,0.0,0.18325753758071955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637377056253526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859462762754868,0.09813376068720824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259314827463247,0.12612459202420326,0.2617111353159208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223208337956356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029810536087776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240247948539965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901641659661199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917102385357028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260094138673315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862957151567027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173529508938165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611256715620412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364436243976133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,electr1cjellyf1sh,2019/09/11,"He told me “I really like you” today, and I’m so afraid for the day he learns I have BPD, and all the mistakes I made before treatment... He’s a good person. I don’t know him well enough yet to tell him I have BPD. We haven’t even met in person yet. We met over Tinder and have been texting for a month and talked on the phone a few times.

He’s a doctor. I am sure he had to learn about BPD at least briefly during his psych rotations in med school. But I don’t know what his understanding of it or stigma against it is.

My past is so dark. I’ve made so many serious and unforgivable mistakes. I wanted to leave it buried.

I sought intensive treatment. I worked very hard on myself the last few years. I am a better person now and I like who I am a lot.

I still struggle to fully accept my past so how could I expect someone else to?

I wanted to be vague and just say “I struggled with mental health issues for a long time and made a lot of mistakes” and leave it at that. Could that be a sustainable relationship? 

I know my mental illness shouldn’t define me but it did. When I overcame many of my issues I was proud of who I was. I don’t think others would understand.

I think I like him too and I’m afraid to tell him my past mistakes and mental health issues and lose him. I’m afraid to tell anyone now.

I’ve been judged harshly before. I feel ashamed of my mistakes and I’m ashamed because of the stigma against BPD. I don’t know what to do.",0.8878310696095078,2.922047460526315,2.4799108658743663,94.74921477079799,82.61842105263158,5.106791171477081,19.016977928692697,6.207218560251982,-0.18930865874363256,1124,28,253,9,31,367,139,304,0.12300000000000001,0.805,0.07200000000000001,-0.8889,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,1,0,4,16,23,0,7,14,0,26,4,0,4,2,52,47,22,0,12,4,0,2,3,0,2,4,1,0,3,12,16,0,0,12,0,0,0,6,14,1,0,12,3,45,9,29,29,7,24,0,1,0,0,30,7,0,3,20,164,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944531039437971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051825092207633885,0.0,0.14468506505709733,0.0,0.0,0.07518992851688087,0.0,0.0,0.4282997588308087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575705087715614,0.0,0.0,0.05482842189965603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701769284895758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102013397956937,0.0,0.0,0.08784447065907815,0.0,0.05615240455517181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298674996482448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130756294584684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615782480954149,0.0,0.0,0.18073651028204224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26620450438023296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868907414590024,0.06929955768926536,0.0,0.18003978093739265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460387685327275,0.0,0.0,0.07523667008650957,0.0,0.09511139210495173,0.0,0.1445554821844929,0.0,0.24133317905034976,0.0,0.17238618518384333,0.0,0.0,0.09443384320078643,0.0,0.25702902939264777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785912730571042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434727752024324,0.0,0.22269862467198348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446356075792951,0.0,0.0,0.0912755925542809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760830208000708,0.0,0.08604094279348318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203395840514558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789405471136765,0.0,0.0,0.17775480229503987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012677131024393,0.0,0.0,0.06833280882397473,0.22292374298229145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894990846256712,0.0,0.0,0.09914727086112683,0.0,0.08058542590344718,0.08123663144862492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700974465457234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014727643948021,0.10028952609174782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643978235963994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061892813040268835,0.0,0.0,0.060393075981023364,0.0,0.0,0.05474765153978702
bpd,x_dandelion_x,2019/09/11,"Im so terrified I feel like my best friend that has BPD is going to leave me. He told me I’m his FP a month or two after he was diagnosed. (our friendship is completely platonic but for some reason, I’m his FP, not his girlfriend) but i feel like he’s putting me a little less within his day and with his case, i know that if i’m not his FP that means we’re gonna be very very distant and might end up drifting apart and I’m so scared because I’m in a bad place myself and it’s been so long that we do everything together that I’m no longer able to function properly without him.",1.831496062992123,2.981394866141734,3.6716614173228335,91.35867322834646,76.71653543307087,7.2847244094488195,24.511023622047247,7.908726449838941,1.091825826771653,456,15,107,7,10,154,82,127,0.128,0.778,0.095,-0.7376,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,20,21,11,0,1,7,0,2,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,3,2,17,4,9,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,4,7,61,23,0,0.1800683571452811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034955675600695,0.10976799918169804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889706314891761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678979223280826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879824652296626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161291936751966,0.0,0.0,0.18276559209331988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948711731070933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618338285274832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209594364282333,0.2572817406478957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391203660515713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233699704258208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450472560212848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896085989267614,0.0,0.0,0.1906663903986046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594460739427606,0.18047579951435266,0.0,0.15935482965282924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614722977898744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102407096462254,0.0,0.0,0.1437288447210279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813310762065927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810184341449768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514026148788146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027983868131345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206303191223374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759006199753026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29715050585758546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735794705337414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,holymatcha,2019/09/11,"DAE ever feel like motivational words discourage you? I thought that joining r/GetMotivated would help me get out of my rut and see things in a more positive light, but it only makes me feel even worse.

""You can do it!"" (No, I fucking cannot.)",2.1099999999999994,4.5710170212766,3.8930212765957455,83.89400000000002,80.91489361702128,7.164255319148936,24.293617021276606,8.238735603445708,1.5617863829787226,188,7,39,4,5,63,41,47,0.128,0.7490000000000001,0.122,-0.3172,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,1,12,11,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,7,1,3,9,1,3,0,1,1,1,3,2,1,0,2,25,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216852982259004,0.3036031904891058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394166487154156,0.23977938343773506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102913133196256,0.17535665772565934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497063470685366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397545109091258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404053135036373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552673221898193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674595056236176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229825354414756,0.0,0.0,0.26645855765899795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420431247276376,0.238427137104666,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Monkey_Face93,2019/09/11,"People talking to me like I’m stupid sets me off. I would almost rather people yell and scream at me rather than have them treat me like I am stupid. It makes me immediately want to cry. I can shut off when people scream at me, (did it for years with my mom). 

Last night I had a guy at work make fun of me over the phone because I was stammering while trying to find the right words. He mocked me going “uh uh UH UH” and I had to hang up the phone and go outside. Took all my effort not to cry in the parking lot. 

Just now I expressed a differing opinion on a friend’s Facebook post and two people commented that “reading your comment made me dumber” and “hmm not sure you would want to speak for most people”. 

I am 25 years old and I’m literally crying right now over some stupid shit someone I’ve never met said online/over the phone. 

Like fuck it, I guess I’ll go back to the way I was in middle school and never talk. Because people will think I am dumb, but at least I won’t prove them right by opening my mouth.",2.356709211986683,3.7373966132075513,3.3556048834628207,93.2160321864595,75.79245283018868,5.931631520532743,20.489456159822414,6.2272716619740125,-0.05449311875693708,790,17,179,5,17,253,125,212,0.141,0.804,0.055,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,2,2,7,17,7,0,9,0,14,3,2,3,5,36,30,10,0,6,6,1,0,3,1,4,0,5,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,1,0,5,5,10,4,1,9,5,28,7,25,17,5,38,0,0,0,1,19,18,3,6,15,106,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144041853870118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785067081057958,0.0,0.13929064362767246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764925223714575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936621712844828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442180382972567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826873712512627,0.10562165044593673,0.0,0.0,0.19479155525175845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585850071738616,0.11312478379901125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931284401287464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674493326115011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713068175892517,0.0,0.10810546399659517,0.15252460943780702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380741654816428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623222947814215,0.0,0.0,0.1072152423797571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988543696829752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752365368724051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941926204958098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428023218140185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29270487150380997,0.10867726110407767,0.0,0.0,0.11562640595042355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727527972691605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968030735874286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767862701426302,0.0,0.0,0.1836585429282865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320634767096264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693519240281292,0.07756778515544034,0.0,0.11160497938160333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477441180872707,0.09068578813645664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317486180021065,0.0,0.0,0.16231887037168738,0.0,0.0,0.1471456257043991
bpd,psychogirlsenpai,2019/09/11,"Amnesia?? I want to find a way to get severe amnesia, maybe if I do, I’ll forget my past and this stupid disorder will be gone for good. I want change, I can’t wake up another day so fucking miserable.",2.9521428571428565,3.78526897619048,5.3223809523809535,81.83928571428571,73.52380952380952,10.361904761904762,28.285714285714285,10.504223727775694,2.9750857142857146,155,6,34,5,3,55,35,42,0.321,0.564,0.115,-0.8964,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,6,9,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,6,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048294566978481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30752726032141137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187480624627142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33317302495961404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656990312306107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687520151081201,0.15188132281953606,0.0,0.0,0.24382949533352305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29205216654194605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751074104227275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32841381486440563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34293058862157216,0.23074803508979225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,8YxiIh16,2019/09/11,"Not knowing what you will do until the last second lying in bed, waiting for my alarm to go off in an hour, at 6am. scared but also looking forward to it a bit because then at least i’ll know what will happen next. the plan is that i’ll be in a psych ward for the next 3 months and i’ve been waiting for this a long time, but right now once again everything is possible.

after being put on a waiting list they called me several times when they had a free bed. the first time i said i needed some more time to prepare things. the 2nd, 3rd and 4th time i didn’t pick up the phone, deleted all social media, ignored my gf and got drunk for a few days because it was absolutely clear to me that there’s nothing to get for me in this life, that going to a hospital is a shit idea and that i wish that i’ll finally have the strength to just end all this soon. i do this regularly but usually there’s no potential stay at a hospital included.

well yea idk. my stuff is packed, things are prepared. but right now the chances that i’ll go there are exactly 50%, or should i say they’re 100% yes and 100% no at the same time. making a decision is impossible because all decisions were already made, it’s just that they’re contradicting and it’s probably up to the constellations of the stars what part of my personality will be “active” once my alarm goes off. no idea what will happen. i hate this.",3.7086842105263145,4.6107468421052635,4.831359649122807,85.80493421052633,71.80701754385964,8.366666666666667,26.88157894736842,8.697196308434329,1.7166526315789472,1090,36,237,19,20,359,158,285,0.126,0.772,0.10099999999999999,-0.6663,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,2,3,12,9,2,3,22,2,23,3,1,3,5,37,42,15,0,3,8,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,2,1,23,6,1,4,6,1,1,5,5,6,1,2,8,3,18,4,30,26,10,46,0,0,1,0,10,16,1,2,26,155,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268102277342196,0.09189651848852667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015114427834733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254560991945658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733983045794592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410988969735315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177951209326247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327710717614126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588244293849954,0.0,0.09774561334938099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060037713783114614,0.0,0.1959244697073268,0.0,0.09190705758047778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20323577471557508,0.0,0.0,0.11345357959495153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316693816843885,0.0,0.0,0.25944736916030525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630723040261446,0.09367007837333062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116701017407013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016950903951214,0.09649864407248056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873420913253996,0.07670584893374044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172309297518544,0.0,0.0,0.08520712120441393,0.0,0.0,0.2444242443662465,0.0,0.0,0.11026288331803584,0.0,0.0,0.2447588776462189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444043920446968,0.0,0.0,0.10033829133606394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954803513142665,0.0,0.0,0.12389650438107885,0.0,0.0,0.11552010104533353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962715021398667,0.10930933183187312,0.09138406024059008,0.11504875334532147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981987681709745,0.1179573568298568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714014020152565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248281322963425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154879973391953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268723543320126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020429397416855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656130773804267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332130021050516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214519041273934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yep534,2019/09/11,Bored of my relationship Does anyone else get bored with their romantic relationships? I’m 20 yet got married six months ago and I already feel bored with the relationship. I enjoy the relationship for the stability and comfort of know exactly who I am with but the more time I spend with him the more I see how everything is always the same and his personality isn’t exciting either. I don’t know if I even love him or just am used to him,5.124341085271318,6.338074767441863,6.465116279069767,74.2401550387597,68.76744186046511,10.38449612403101,29.449612403100772,10.504223727775694,3.1085100775193797,354,13,69,10,6,120,57,86,0.053,0.769,0.179,0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,2,1,19,14,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,13,4,8,13,4,4,0,0,1,1,12,0,0,2,4,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574502775403537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600916303565613,0.0,0.14779488034419686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241967158020775,0.1819936794397308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543731242529776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837953301224546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731697898243815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596342795059628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981050200960904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279962854310847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142059719908208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952316856370371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030986496693944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177536785746406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509178444525845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7627938185819972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154092062489906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357221906990986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340749333736112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Smitsha516,2019/09/11,"I had a bout of extreme dissociation for the first time today and it freaked me out. I posted to the bipolar sub but was directed here. I’m starting to think I’m borderline instead of bipolar 2. Today was a really weird day for me. I have been beyond tired the last couple days, like I’m getting a full 7 hours of sleep and still can’t hold my head up tired. 
So same tired feeling continued today when I went into the office this morning. Then as I was walking out to my car to leave I realized I barely remember anything from the entire day??? Like I remember having conversations with coworkers but I can’t recall anything we actually talked about or what I did today. One thing I do remember from the day is just feeling weird physically as well. The best way I can describe it is just this head to toe out of body tingly feeling. 
Then walking to my car and driving home the feeling continued and just felt like this awful out of body experience. 
This has never happened to me and it’s freaking me out. I guess I’m wondering if any of you have experienced this or have insight?",4.2210387323943666,5.689315854460098,5.612203638497653,78.53689700704227,71.20657276995306,8.517488262910799,30.683392018779344,9.017664075816787,2.676530751173709,859,37,161,17,16,289,118,213,0.127,0.755,0.11800000000000001,-0.469,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,2,11,9,0,0,11,1,17,11,6,0,1,37,33,16,0,1,8,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,10,13,0,1,12,0,0,6,3,4,1,2,8,6,22,5,29,25,3,37,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,5,23,116,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.10598927414171824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385962635516037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875621863621566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398119485470225,0.0,0.0,0.2412860511590729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201766921986276,0.0,0.28018203989269536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624300573319237,0.0,0.0,0.21966919484832614,0.0,0.10428418820572724,0.0,0.0,0.09238498886799168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567450889042668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964794490479053,0.0,0.0960448972659445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229337140638689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894631095863068,0.0,0.10696056799547547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853296686422457,0.0,0.1150040237734554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591864546967163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376797738277979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735980449057539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040199093633617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695793852178708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36910738018940414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086900584604082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687586397336697,0.0,0.08673738038836656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729790638028069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215673451943228,0.06959394083745278,0.0,0.0,0.06333230931419162,0.3744992408672285,0.41180446624146094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621084885607093,0.0,0.0,0.09765489051314437,0.1006840602876808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177846693132906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JeanPaul72,2019/09/11,"Passive Anarchist friend How a passive anarchist can raise kids to be  free-will like choosing their own path and beliefs without ""loosing it"" while ""walking the walk with my kids""staying in a very neutral position versus society....
Kind really opposed to most of the shit that's going down in society, school educational system that needs a serious overhaul (this year they added some outside playtime to the schedule but still is concentration camp ideology IMO... Didn't know that much back then and now i think i know too many bad sides of it. The amount of narcissistic people in a position of power is way off the fking chart.
Edit: It is somethimes really hard for me to behave in a way that would be acceptable, i am adhd bp with respectable QI. Lots of mechanical engineering computering experiences as i consider all of these hobbies, built boats, houses of all kinds, computers, lets say that when bp strikes i would evade in one these things, but i mean evade like constantly thinking about it is fun and easier for me then socially tolerate all of the injustice thats going on around me.... 

P.s - Ya i admit it's been a ride with my wife and tree kids. We are still all together...my social cercle as me down to my wife and kids because i still have sometimes selfcontrol problems to the stuff that my kids and my wife as to go through. Victim of verbal abuse that got to physical and mental abuse at young age always left me that disgusting taste of i am the king of the world because i was hanging around with  people that had alot of money. I got out of it alive, but not without serious mental shit that you can really take back. Had nightmares for years ask my wife. I have not intensionnally physically harm anyone since. I've meditated my way out of this state completly by learning about anything i could.
I still abuse knowledge as a fking escape for it sometimes, being BP aint easy.",6.860404326551636,7.656911322946179,7.114186196240024,72.63611576100955,64.6657223796034,10.497501931496267,33.60919392222509,10.436869588844218,3.6136356940509913,1519,62,264,36,22,492,201,353,0.125,0.755,0.11900000000000001,-0.8188,1,0,1,0,3,0,43.0,1,2,2,2,14,17,4,0,17,0,24,3,2,1,4,50,38,19,0,5,8,4,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,4,24,16,1,1,11,0,1,7,6,9,0,1,7,3,31,8,54,24,11,46,1,0,0,0,19,17,2,4,19,185,55,5,0.0,0.3484397187053606,0.0,0.0,0.11781002056141936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156674333740478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854311609160167,0.0,0.0806682904179427,0.17453053857965256,0.0916424915775892,0.0,0.0,0.15075421268697262,0.08184887844307963,0.11951332369463614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277998195234084,0.10593291625276874,0.0,0.07826699227233032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588971736756084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573581309847698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671338834359439,0.0,0.15680311368500516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878133967603574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311058816163093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416113907053052,0.1077467146128406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650717930879518,0.10023977324233636,0.0,0.09578258223068624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333948575013192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938451179120814,0.0,0.10678069901583344,0.0,0.0,0.1975773528496608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206150098110997,0.07268615852100634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642597953733302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591986890033514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379909069242992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839680420673072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795541258817502,0.0,0.09920907623155684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124766606502212,0.08108937144478501,0.0,0.0,0.1998534084829504,0.0,0.0,0.19390343311739985,0.0,0.0,0.10448428549944744,0.31313959288878146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221804909672818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370448983136373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651251235927037,0.1256241438454186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088296420024332,0.0,0.2334290301872585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899004813145476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392718648664867,0.0,0.0,0.12625300836477646
bpd,pwbpd2019,2019/09/11,"Can’t stand myself I’ve never self-harmed before, but tonight I have really wanted to just hurt myself. I started punching my headboard and hurt my wrist - I’m just so fucking frustrated with myself and my life, I feel like absolute shit. I really want to get a knife and just slice my leg or arm until it bleeds, and destroy my body. I hate it all.",2.8396190476190446,4.6785602,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,75.57142857142857,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,1.1410952380952386,274,8,54,4,6,90,49,70,0.33899999999999997,0.601,0.059000000000000004,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,5,0,1,0,2,8,5,0,2,15,10,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,13,1,4,10,1,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000006452271452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741279918209536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247844103698265,0.17630678456321328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281533255484648,0.12893755931852766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436539755955457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283874763442492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431503515995111,0.120569100289844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033961812989794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161999137585745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574557333962865,0.0,0.2533263299840027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467919184956546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29112620493218483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somebodysleftovers,2019/09/11,"I really don’t know what’s happening Hi just venting. 

I thought I had everything pretty set and I thought I was in a good place to understand my triggers and be aware of when I’m not okay.

But I really don’t know where I’m at right now. I feel like I have to break up with my partner,  but I’m getting really broken up at the thought. But I can’t seem to be there for them right now. I’m irritated at everything they do, they say.

I haven’t visited my family in weeks, my parents are wondering if I’m starting to ignore them on purpose. And I’m not. I just can’t get myself to.

And as far as my creative outlets - I’m a mess. I’m second guessing and doubting everything.

I wish I could remember if I’d been through this before but I can’t. And I’m here and I’m not sure wether to wait it out or take action. Is my unhappiness the trigger to this behavior or did something else trigger the unhappiness? Is this an aggressive form of depression? One where I want nothing to do with this life but break at the thought of losing everything?",1.4480030721966235,3.4463182857142907,3.7201843317972334,86.79551459293396,80.42857142857143,7.635637480798772,26.46236559139785,8.563005593585519,2.0018116743471595,816,35,175,19,21,281,110,217,0.191,0.743,0.066,-0.9840000000000001,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,1,9,10,1,1,7,1,19,1,0,3,1,46,48,19,0,5,14,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,6,10,0,2,11,0,0,2,9,6,0,2,8,2,26,4,27,37,1,26,0,2,0,0,9,16,0,8,6,116,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404907651186533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701150306290358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154392538010784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196429556737457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818276292004626,0.0,0.126350911177258,0.0,0.0677692494909543,0.09575057040059118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140049571902692,0.0,0.0,0.11241743159981536,0.0,0.0,0.1476484025888346,0.0,0.1185216818342331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731801422355198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466886987539662,0.0654799538998991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499445216553201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860474385510728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082173348353764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882369453728178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400321089289184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363559991651913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575878362651376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182908800225495,0.22892060772571804,0.0,0.10658549192644254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220152558412264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318231582754292,0.0,0.0,0.09486663997727983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632104451422746,0.0,0.100773365761841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256172239360708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395292451469564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790539633794455,0.0,0.10751023307449803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412709928595628,0.0,0.1453490763038186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Marissahhynan,2019/09/11,"Impulse control?? Hi, after a couple of days spent in the mental hospital I've been diagnosed with BPD. I was wondering if anyone has a problem with impulse control? I do this thing where I will randomly quit my job for no particular reason. Just did it again today and now I feel like shit. I don't know how to handle this thing and I'm tired of ruining my life.",1.5853767123287668,3.992882931506852,3.809845890410962,84.00052226027398,82.69863013698631,6.937671232876713,24.19349315068493,8.07648339933343,1.7317958904109587,286,11,55,6,8,98,57,73,0.19,0.7759999999999999,0.034,-0.887,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,1,0,3,0,7,4,1,4,0,15,12,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,7,1,8,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,3,6,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610954523832034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26317754324640674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468732350247672,0.0,0.2312100355508317,0.0,0.1347617791335632,0.0,0.0,0.21208979047751225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056563494574285,0.1492809172741882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073603506980169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483883700272955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759448088073968,0.10208719948459066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058232263379825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994630046471026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222544603357708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148454685489556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449422382356886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776472017701347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016854186544784,0.19806944994440195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266079809740335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maggotrism,2019/09/11,"I wish I wasn't always so paranoid... It's been less than 3 hours since I got a response. Not very much time considering I leave people on read or unopened for days at a time. My brain has already come up with 5 different scenarios in which my boyfriend has died a tragic and gruesome death, 3 scenarios where he found someone else and decided to ghost me, or another scenario where he was tasked with the security of the country and can't ever contact me again for my own safety. Why can't I just trust that he loves me and is busy with his family exactly like he said to me earlier? I feel so childish thinking this way, but it's hard to stop those pressing paranoid and critical thoughts, you know? Like, he didn't ever love me, he's just being nice and playing along, he'll leave as soon as he finds someone better, he's secretly already seeing someone because I'm such an unlovable mess... I wish it would stop. He's the one person I could trust with my whole being and I still catch myself doubting him and us, despite the countless times he's proven himself to me.",8.054433962264149,6.378443877358492,7.8732830188679275,76.37454716981135,63.05660377358491,10.744150943396228,38.181132075471695,9.3871,3.4223286792452834,850,36,165,12,10,273,134,212,0.192,0.693,0.114,-0.9408,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,1,12,14,0,1,8,0,13,3,1,0,3,38,28,15,3,4,6,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,14,0,3,8,2,0,2,5,4,0,1,8,5,25,10,19,15,4,21,0,1,1,2,22,6,0,3,14,101,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810509315526703,0.0,0.105959048434628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335295723465365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762672344021429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126239730184143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215619341236482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969417133923352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167251609778888,0.0,0.0,0.08212529032106675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216126956762908,0.13304566744487026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637820531088056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303769183270561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004704805509242,0.0,0.06438812569293488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638861413672215,0.0,0.0,0.13962432984297385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184732182405758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407374598800503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540657785058315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998403322974488,0.0,0.0,0.26967435440481624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442609395097536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298629114489157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361129009582406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629048182050196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828316163405334,0.11119044084325944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737682513611046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113174973211464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147537742205964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053389198206634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236903165565306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169577677158054,0.21292783744412602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159584530188807,0.0,0.10109561311997288,0.2227630703719716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153177185222191,0.0,0.0,0.1050707870703931,0.0,0.10107844162804976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490667710885667,0.1421732022881244,0.292874869238038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046036209834632,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goatpebbles,2019/09/11,"help? EDIT: i'm not looking for a diagnosis and i most definitely will speak to someone qualified, i just am looking for info and thoughts from other perspectives.

TRIGGER WARNING!!!! hello!!! this could potentially trigger anyone with suicidal ideations, e.ds, self harming behaviors, etc. 
-----
this is a statement i wrote while venting earlier: 

""i don't really know where to go with this- i'm sorry for wording this so poorly... i'm panicking currently. my head is spinning and i CAN hear, but the sound is going through one ear and out the other. my doctor calls these ""dissociative periods"", for context, but i'm not a fan of labeling my problems (sarcasm). my moods are always fluctuating. i go from the highest points to the absolute lowest in seconds. i'm a minor, so i don't have access to a consistent income or a car, but when i do find a way around these things i seem to never act responsibly, despite my efforts. i remember writing ""this is one of those moments where i just wanna steal a car and blow all of my life savings while driving in the dark"" and immediately after i fell asleep, only to wake up and sob for hours. i stayed in bed for the next day..i've missed almost three grades of school (i have been to multiple schools within those times, and i have attended school, but not consistently in any way). i don't know what i'm trying to get at here in all honesty- (i am not in any way asking for sympathy or pity, i'm just trying to emphasize my situation.) i tried to kill myself
again. i don't want to see him in my head anymore. i don't want anyone else to hate me and leave. i want people to stop saying things. i know i sound stupid but i promise i'm not crazy. i just..i don't have anywhere else to go. i'm sorry. sorry.. why does everyone think i have a personality disorder ?? Also of my friends and doctors (therapist, psychologist, nurse practitioner, ect.) think i have ""a developing case of bpd"" ?? i'm not sick. i just can't handle this. i can't handle being alone, so i yell to make them go away. i don't talk because if i do the cycle will repeat itself all over again. i just want to spit everything out and cut myself open lol""

as i've stated, i'm not looking for a diagnosis, just trying to add some backing to the statements professionals have made about my state. i don't inherently agree at all and would most likely use this information as a counter statement. in the end, i'm not opposed to learning something. do i show symptoms? are there things that you suggest i bring up in therapy? i am struggling, i am tired. i don't know any more.. i'll gladly clarify anything if you ask. thank you for your time.",2.6416342412451392,4.95485391050584,4.351495719844362,82.17434085603114,77.98832684824903,7.224840466926071,26.62241245136187,8.238735603445708,1.9690494630350188,2066,84,393,40,50,694,258,514,0.146,0.7809999999999999,0.073,-0.988,4,1,1,0,0,2,102.0,0,4,1,1,20,18,4,1,21,1,38,12,6,5,5,86,83,30,2,10,23,0,0,1,1,3,6,7,1,2,19,19,0,2,16,1,1,12,20,11,0,4,4,11,58,6,63,74,9,59,0,3,4,0,22,23,1,9,19,262,77,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396667080082637,0.08684642323169049,0.0,0.06705721687269765,0.06977241651595195,0.0,0.0,0.1710687541522887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315964783141343,0.11726393992369592,0.08591731171991256,0.06900387741837669,0.07464695128356702,0.15678247852710248,0.0,0.07878265737637315,0.06447778401314637,0.0,0.05111601284321459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056099229183642,0.0,0.0856232922448138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694980038232788,0.0,0.0,0.05407825048853803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610280708005234,0.17165420516508115,0.07338032873263775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400968498457103,0.0,0.07426887250889015,0.0,0.09351826481809006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012513860719646,0.07536167297523891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664012638120199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478462275761805,0.0,0.043809733599406264,0.0,0.2382779723672339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278748114742103,0.17211474705663782,0.0,0.0945084295742905,0.0,0.056204900926065136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257831787748975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277092488884267,0.0,0.18433367185189653,0.0,0.0,0.08878822364477824,0.0,0.0,0.05922785643757132,0.04096634209562823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124621291167267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793437397107958,0.055972531190029866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467260593232986,0.0,0.08917862087157845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364193106465548,0.06377398797863487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058133114782326085,0.07321720858879333,0.0,0.0,0.07926819231146412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023600007588584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537183814364626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498910718043747,0.0,0.0,0.06668327426382313,0.0,0.25459114974190844,0.06681998757259063,0.07633662539406559,0.08747697066195614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425428961522886,0.0,0.0,0.07104837803728269,0.0645541390403574,0.0,0.28159971794486865,0.0,0.0893761450924079,0.0,0.07010486589617809,0.0,0.08766136604883777,0.0,0.09172157630375367,0.0,0.0,0.08715537772773374,0.0,0.0673978681883505,0.0,0.07720057992617534,0.09589321774864863,0.09735980042374386,0.1671246293418908,0.10745923804491182,0.0,0.06656991857466607,0.09779072172997527,0.09637669263474356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277227413966801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242207238082289,0.0,0.0,0.19783469687645103,0.19967583422778734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756642934619168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059566768065151626,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachyyarngoddess,2019/09/11,"Working with my parents has been hell so far. I don’t have the ability to work 4/10’s, stay an hour and a half extra unpaid waiting for my parents to finish stuff they are doing. Commute an hour there and back. I just don’t. I have BPD and chronic illnesses that causes chronic pain and fatigue. I can’t work with them in the same office as them, commute in the same car, and then be forced to stay late. I need time away from them that’s either in my room or leaving the house. I get up at 3AM to get in the shower before my mom to prevent me from disrupting their routine. We leave the house by 5. Get there at 5:45. Clock in at 6. Our “lunch” isn’t a solid set 30 minutes and my parents work through it while eating because “work needs to be done” it’s supposed to be 11-11:30. We get off at 4:30. Get home at 5-5:30. And then I am going to bed at 7-8. I don’t know if the pay is worth it but having big pay checks once a week is going to be nice after I stop having to pay for expensive stuff I didn’t plan on paying for on my first paycheck. And when I told my mom I’ll have a break down if I don’t get breaks she did the hush hush don’t say anything you’ll embarrass us. Like yeah as if I’m going to say something and humiliate myself at work. Thanks. I knew this was a bad idea. Time to save up for a new car to commute in so I can leave on time. I am stressed and I am cringing at the sound of my mother’s voice.. It’s too much.",0.5032758620689641,2.0633861455696203,2.4761108686163245,96.71803797468357,81.53164556962025,5.118114360541249,20.073766914011347,5.727593064623523,-0.27904591881274543,1106,29,269,6,29,370,166,316,0.115,0.81,0.075,-0.8481,4,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,4,1,5,8,8,10,1,2,17,1,31,7,0,1,0,33,48,23,0,5,7,6,0,1,0,1,5,6,4,0,9,14,2,3,3,0,7,5,8,6,0,2,7,6,37,4,49,36,5,53,1,1,0,0,20,25,1,4,19,175,46,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883574359827862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000783157818233,0.07366475969786418,0.0799895121281766,0.05839916585905939,0.0,0.08151926751761385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065752123095687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841362134196596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980372906502044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980279460368392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148795438047207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003112046192259,0.0,0.16333709209498695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609582818701284,0.0,0.18868861688729371,0.22108209509240875,0.0,0.10814723371113992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264951273149489,0.0,0.10806726676795322,0.30431705705608264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680334152860553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244010454300481,0.0,0.0,0.07042447515895643,0.14206988462547934,0.0,0.09252483116691254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202452863311504,0.0,0.0,0.10193860905731654,0.0,0.3191257379453347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236898878254726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737519940037156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042214183294912,0.0,0.08009360400537359,0.1097392810770159,0.0,0.21933756869901266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820033529126793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758632745777755,0.0,0.0,0.09154159330372998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523634451097345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684547493875782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184639332323266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,visconder,2019/09/11,"Went to the shops for the first time alone today! I’ve had pretty significant anxiety for the last few months, so much so that I’ve had to stop work for now (I’m a doctor and that shit is way too stressful for me right now). Today I managed to go to pick up a few groceries and still felt shit but I pushed through.

The kicker is: the only reason I went was because I was super angry at my SO this morning and that anger surpassed my anxiety. I managed to get myself out of the situation before I blew up at him. And obviously this was over a non-issue (as usual 😇). So I guess 2 small wins for today!

I’m still grumpy at him but I’ve tried my hardest to not attack him for this, and have fought so hard to not be passive aggressive with my messages.",2.631666666666668,3.8092955159235657,4.3188694267515935,87.40127653927816,74.73248407643311,6.7619957537155,23.91135881104034,7.1686216300943375,0.8320874734607218,584,17,126,6,12,197,90,157,0.177,0.71,0.11199999999999999,-0.8008,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,11,9,6,1,9,0,9,3,2,2,1,17,18,13,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,1,1,4,2,7,0,1,9,2,16,2,24,8,3,27,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,1,13,87,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594745365103169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558515118046836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517194678292078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386342180932183,0.0,0.1310237446038066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576027762002243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784280989905113,0.0,0.0,0.130973415833584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804470316729908,0.0,0.08750911733579993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962387757648206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137933841111921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071279128698895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551243688146874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290359010630247,0.0,0.11319138073818552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710703556754122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665075208178628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831479654794176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314961776042184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161119444099354,0.0,0.173077469297698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459336983014402,0.12873231366230098,0.17638101978447646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978567822702499,0.0,0.4378587765722252,0.0,0.0,0.10454080112260318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958476415271095,0.0,0.0,0.12222038985929355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28547787811534586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209765327746986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imkingofeverything,2019/08/25,"Anyone think what might have been if they were diagnosed at a younger age ? i didn't get my diagnosis till 20, some people get theirs a lot later on in life and i know they don't like to properly diagnose you till 18 however they can say you are showing signs of it. I feel like since i got my diagnosis i have a weight lifted off my shoulders, now i know im not just a random wierd guy that experiences the things i do, theres actually a lot of people out there struggling with almost identical problems. If i knew the things i learned since i was diagnosed 3 years ago when i was maybe age 12 i could have started accepting who i was and what i was experiencing and started learning how to combat the harsh reality i was living in, instead of judging myself and falling victim to deep depression and all the other various negative traits that come with bpd. I didnt even hear of BPD till i was hospitalised at 19, i had always been told i had severe anxiety and psychotic depression, but when i read into bpd its almost like looking in the mirror at myself.",5.054572795625429,5.96174300478469,6.323051948051948,76.31886363636364,68.71291866028709,9.79917976760082,30.718045112781954,9.957137785484203,3.0172772385509226,844,33,160,20,14,285,125,209,0.13699999999999998,0.8540000000000001,0.009000000000000001,-0.9459,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,4,0,9,9,1,1,10,0,22,6,1,1,1,36,36,15,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,1,4,2,0,1,10,11,1,0,8,2,0,2,5,5,0,0,16,6,31,4,22,18,5,26,0,2,1,0,11,11,0,9,16,120,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.11692801842533818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621409310273236,0.0,0.23996686076561302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970067646887708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166274237589588,0.0,0.0,0.08378163405824769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527310912778647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321518783704324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566732415020048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640331547447333,0.3648473996197956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914064505207595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172079366759652,0.0,0.0,0.060585101347991666,0.0856001513285482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520306143570306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583180513995168,0.0,0.0,0.11864163514300625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504698319304634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294272489274386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170098369335048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463312075879348,0.17561547485412524,0.0,0.10580414438677588,0.0,0.1006194681722443,0.0,0.0,0.2037350705908633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037630655030775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711115325004907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661375987376238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465252150029465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985343224711137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952864740143094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536363219478378,0.0,0.1982343503414989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696198509128864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252629324262661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159207505697588,0.07677646311317263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449410698672913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590970653555535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716080000969366
bpd,trymster1,2019/08/25,"How to get borderline girl to idealize me again? she also has dissociative disorder. anyways she switches on me alot, its like im walking on eggshells when im with her. I just tried being very nice to her like 30 minutes ago and now shes really into me again, but last night she never wanted to see me again lol. Any other methods?",1.9815584415584409,4.402377848484849,3.820476190476192,84.46500000000003,81.12121212121212,6.8017316017316025,24.58008658008658,7.957251820313856,1.655245021645022,262,10,50,5,7,88,49,66,0.027000000000000003,0.8109999999999999,0.162,0.8104,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,10,6,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,8,5,1,13,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,11,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887253101741196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215498340866566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832516290474436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088406653930641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078909541386248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821565412042773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196573581926736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633028677506727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783503891001331,0.0,0.0,0.2528831887076259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263200910308416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473596922392754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829552255416936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234435458011853,0.15894280634868266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Piercethekale,2019/08/25,"I think this feels like.... healing? (Cws for brief suicide and substance mention) I know it seems so dark sometimes and like there's no end. A year ago around this time I was spiraling down into a cocaine habit at a job that was killing me and had me longing for the day it did. 
Now I'm a month and a half into this new job opportunity where people are understanding and patient, and all around good people. I've gone from suicidal every day to actually being excited to wake up. I know not every day is perfect, but that doesn't make them all awful either. This diagnosis is not a sentencing to a miserable life, like I assumed it to be just months ago. Even if it feels that way sometimes, the rain will clear and the sun will shine again. I know there's not a ""cure"" to BPD but please hold out hope that there IS healing and overcoming. But yeah, just wanted to rant some positivity out there, we can never have too much of that. Stay happy + stay weird my friends, and remember to grow through every damn thing you go through 🦋❤",5.140712669683257,5.689022083333335,5.569215686274512,83.083778280543,68.36274509803921,8.629864253393665,29.417797888386122,8.617729084823388,1.9902734539969835,811,28,167,12,13,260,129,204,0.10400000000000001,0.7,0.19699999999999998,0.9687,2,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,1,1,1,2,14,14,2,1,11,2,15,4,1,1,5,46,29,14,3,3,10,0,2,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,14,16,0,1,10,0,0,4,6,4,0,1,5,3,12,10,22,20,5,32,0,1,1,0,5,10,1,5,18,110,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.12197740559703865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160162617972007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225446781167685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742723512258225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418349304522579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070875663628628,0.0,0.0,0.08255823275490029,0.0,0.3159418548504982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264027831786169,0.08929668456185516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657107738895886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103772324383721,0.10484014755029243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305984685691855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241485603940372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24807714428638675,0.0,0.13828880659542353,0.0,0.2060824837600893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828789401173542,0.1831992048943869,0.0,0.0,0.11061692851644073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343534948766332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954015045410048,0.0,0.09188594541082773,0.0,0.09640409971673804,0.12072126297795692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331203879998178,0.0,0.0,0.13720733054660655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159533590170448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137910486277456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472471434513693,0.0,0.0,0.2664567688149669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27344919415851704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304133927048278,0.08009195663776125,0.0,0.0,0.0728857787089382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012454065719695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737254807122821,0.09921547027222127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049289063240334
bpd,bordonbamsay,2019/08/25,"I always feel like I need to run away from something. (19F) All my life it’s felt like I’ve needed to run from situations before they hurt me. It’s frustrating, because I know deep down I want to stay in people’s lives or commit to something, but I am so afraid of getting too attached and being abandoned. I’ve entered my first romantic relationship, and I know I love him but I find myself questioning the little things like if he texts me in a slightly different manner, or if he’s being a bit more quiet than usual. Constantly, I’m worried that one day he’ll get tired of me and in my dark moments my brain tries to convince me to run from the relationship so I don’t get hurt. 

I end up keeping all of these worries in my head but lately it’s been piling up and it’s torture. He doesn’t know I have BPD, mainly because I’ve been too afraid to tell him due to the stigma. When I do bring up moments where I’m feeling sad or insecure, he never really knows how to respond and I don’t want to put all of this on him.",2.165939771547252,3.746249560747668,4.0447975077881635,87.23880581516096,76.75700934579439,6.6247144340602295,24.505711318795427,7.3871296695380915,1.0710465212876428,802,27,169,10,18,272,118,214,0.168,0.723,0.109,-0.9542,1,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,7,14,2,3,5,0,10,5,2,1,5,34,30,17,0,6,8,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,9,0,0,6,4,9,0,2,3,4,27,5,28,24,6,31,0,4,0,1,15,13,0,6,14,106,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065140569468954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026902425396478,0.0,0.0,0.15606665713335618,0.0,0.10892655217146537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975308641922046,0.0,0.1612233301581586,0.1429008008676127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383326612369947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255545872927725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374255439358382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337831353433253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945077533406416,0.0914499250776702,0.12290907723894473,0.0,0.11699825222361705,0.10888471136290083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063884952452296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313745523289985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27407337297525125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378061666410234,0.0,0.0,0.28140242521733955,0.0,0.14440015385422444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041680922706316,0.18761674796868152,0.1282990258256026,0.11303462583775503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553346128412192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983466327525111,0.09872872368703746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674246730589051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874558468258617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868478111620474,0.1433997994581628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200608528601369,0.0,0.0,0.2748683311694053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438879040296729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709574600531146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644096454492474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188583843875582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850437425745034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471279488406931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690996476982989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409842446178206,0.0,0.15100649526989218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599994737575564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jbullock98,2019/08/25,"UK BPD diagnosis I’d love if anyone could share their stories on how they were diagnosed via the NHS. I have every single symptom of BPD, but when I tried to speak to my GP about a referral to a community mental health team that could help me with diagnosis and treatment she all but laughed in my face. I have been to speak about it twice now and all they have offered me is medication and those 6 session talking therapy groups, which I’ve already done many times and they haven’t helped one bit. I feel so hopeless, all I want is confirmation on whether I have this illness or not so that I can start treating it and move on with my life. I don’t understand why I’m being denied access to the help I need. Anyone got any advice? I hope you’re all doing well. 💞",5.56530465949821,5.431611064516133,6.200215053763441,81.28476702508962,67.38709677419354,9.21146953405018,30.77060931899641,8.841846274778883,2.227136200716845,605,21,126,9,9,198,105,155,0.083,0.77,0.147,0.8079,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,4,1,8,7,0,0,4,0,16,8,1,1,4,25,25,14,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,1,2,4,3,20,6,14,18,6,9,0,1,0,1,16,4,0,3,4,85,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765039104701534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803232420628706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971033740683664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256122074151128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613122635719314,0.0,0.4063804755333363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576187063147773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374715875609544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650972122913469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592798509425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815735966792303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129030815292812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714868791781555,0.0,0.0,0.3244094929880882,0.0,0.0,0.16023768368422198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395257092709755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560716147779515,0.0,0.0,0.1635639023043709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252360243044606,0.1625832952067535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146889157725798,0.0,0.11962459257420853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932178698368997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419062607227637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768426141955456,0.0,0.12967142181083993,0.0,0.0,0.1844955963997838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407316779810183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953288453073708,0.0,0.0,0.16795083985834172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515696533529253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505558065114987,0.0,0.1455757693418451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ruewd,2019/08/25,"Instead of holding all my thoughts in during a bad episode, i wrote them onto a word document.   

I think about killing myself almost every day, usually at night when no-ones around but me and my thoughts. I have my suicide method all planned out, where I’m going to do it, what I’m going to do. Now I just need to work up the courage to do it. “Just do it.” “Why don’t you just do it?” I seemingly tell myself over and over, “it’s not like you being alive makes any difference.” These thoughts happen every single week that goes by, yet I’m still here to write this. I don’t know whether I should cry or make peace with it. I’m hopeful that things get better, but I also want to kill myself. I don’t particularly have anything to live for and my life is going nowhere, but why should I end my own life? I have the right to life as much as anyone else. I really want to do it, but those urges disappear in the morning. I’m kind of fucked up a little bit and I’m aware of that. I’ve asked for help in the past, but it’s never really amounted to anything positive. My thoughts still come and go as they please and it feels like there’s nothing I can do about it. I used to cope a few years ago by cutting my own skin with razor blades. I’m a normal person like you or anyone else, I’m just struggling inside. My thoughts have passed again but I know they’ll be back at some point. This helped me.",1.6465662172878694,3.3777863780068738,2.8052405498281807,94.88511697065823,78.69072164948453,5.714036478984933,21.15794343113931,6.490185161304077,0.11178339941845072,1080,29,247,9,26,346,154,291,0.14300000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.8896,0,0,1,0,0,3,32.0,0,3,3,3,19,13,4,1,9,0,21,5,1,3,3,54,56,20,3,7,14,0,2,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,19,11,0,1,10,0,0,7,5,6,0,0,6,2,34,7,37,45,10,39,0,0,0,1,13,16,1,6,19,160,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028313883593683,0.0,0.101987225864514,0.0,0.0,0.08144873981325229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926092421231966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243060743862526,0.2087130093995424,0.16762636804997538,0.09066734941430593,0.09521521989999246,0.0,0.0,0.07831572049570162,0.08503979786415353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007730904992192,0.11119290860359972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773403661655288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187652440484244,0.06568428513755023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064106990988964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016381537876504,0.0,0.09020812904722704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716246271130257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149799764424412,0.07276106325454954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415791112687244,0.05321198462500983,0.0,0.23153290851794825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006487953958953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653469574937166,0.0,0.0,0.10115920092794246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536201995530702,0.1060602315421294,0.1119472741165865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158172301352032,0.14927507108363286,0.10207961926338606,0.08993467795134864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359702159497778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748708546016641,0.0755198647278572,0.07855235423246436,0.0,0.0,0.09557854114963432,0.09979055629039743,0.09772701993657083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722655170157024,0.0,0.08893076167360693,0.0,0.11179979756106324,0.09628038072770014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304943651662014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869786297319961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271965390013703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267374818730232,0.0,0.0,0.10647486024569966,0.0,0.11140645484598777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902065869399423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766405907507947,0.06526083193003729,0.0,0.4042842985618264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796497685372652,0.11217246522421613,0.0,0.1201465517314383,0.0,0.08169725607396086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838060581318995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414740455492866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558752248846272
bpd,thegirlwhocantcommit,2019/08/25,"Here’s a tip that works for me when I’m splitting. Maybe it can help someone else too. When I split, I get extremely furious for no reason. Something so tiny can set me off. My favorite person is my husband, unfortunate for him, haha. So, when I’m splitting and I’m cursing the world to hell he just sits there quietly, and listening to me. He doesn’t say a word, no matter what mean things I say to him. I’m not sure why it works, but it works. I will curse the world to hell for 5/10 mins, without him saying a word and I then begin to calm down on my own. He doesn’t speak about it later on, and we keep going as if it never happened. Usually, I don’t mean the things I say when I’m splitting, and he understands this. He just lets me be crazy, and then when I’m calmed down he says “you feel better now babe?” And we keep going with our lives. 

Of course, this may not work for everyone. But, maybe it can help someone.",1.5490094483389214,3.1931369274611403,3.022103017372753,93.61642791831758,78.68911917098445,6.199207558671138,21.19750076196281,7.048011613610866,0.34041383724474183,709,19,163,8,17,232,106,193,0.13,0.768,0.102,-0.7809,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,3,1,0,5,14,8,3,0,6,1,11,0,0,1,2,31,29,20,0,1,8,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,2,12,10,0,2,5,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,0,9,21,5,20,25,1,24,2,0,0,0,25,7,2,2,13,101,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116710267001198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023788641261288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260959962811818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672429625707173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894505396255422,0.0,0.14999486473179185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669416248514522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690360606804026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23458898735881445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494078147827146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652546448242013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651484989505947,0.28749209033340023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177775438387776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152247225080218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567961382884974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247101003350312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362310177566544,0.10159131850333801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243732645850697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534028234925847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737780423485113,0.0,0.0,0.14533824893953368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907579360037684,0.0,0.0,0.12720731482911835,0.0,0.3842816120652783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kkstephans,2019/08/25,"Really struggling TW Me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday and it’s like my whole world has fallen apart. This was my first long term relationship and devastating heart break. He was my best friend and we live together and have a cat together but he wants me to move out. But I have no money and nowhere else to go and he’s making it just as difficult as possible for me to deal with this. I just sat in the bath with a knife for an hour, praying to die. I have nothing left. I’ve lost my best friend and my dream apartment and my sweet sweet cat. I have no idea where to go from here. He meant everything to me, and he’s become so cold",2.4109090909090902,4.005752212121216,3.3930303030303044,92.10954545454544,76.12121212121212,7.527272727272727,22.60606060606061,8.296473431620573,0.9774606060606056,500,14,115,9,11,160,80,132,0.142,0.653,0.20600000000000002,0.9041,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,4,5,11,0,1,4,0,7,1,1,1,0,22,14,15,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,14,0,0,2,2,1,4,2,4,0,1,5,3,16,7,16,9,4,18,1,2,0,0,10,8,0,0,6,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329572597735476,0.0,0.0,0.3863494776497843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897726360127402,0.0,0.0,0.191040177974812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377055124937605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654342122501697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565736007476027,0.0,0.0,0.28443086807142315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092274605851321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218129064412989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127621677792655,0.0,0.0,0.2077976054471133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999973871492543,0.0,0.0,0.0899294597080929,0.0,0.16254107812793864,0.16290006206828858,0.0,0.0,0.20093896504832626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228710993201155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956419687378547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662436275486293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751624175503572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792278177284128,0.0,0.0,0.19762703048015748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243454218204706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857185735599384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551250723627176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,12345throwaway2244,2019/08/25,"I think I have BPD but I'm emotionless so could I even have it? I have most symptoms of BPD but I feel like I'm missing the biggest symptom which is having intense emotions. I feel like I'm constantly numb and emotionless. I watched a video where the woman said people with BPD feel intense emotions and it can change rapidly every hour.

I personally think I do overreact to stupid shit and cry about it or my first thought is I want to die. And I also feel really happy and energetic when I'm with others and like not sad at all. I also get super mad or upset to things that are not worth it. But most of the time my feelings are just non existent.

I would say I just overreact to things but if nothing is happening I stop feeling anything... I guess I don't even know myself so I'm just not sure.",1.5684121255864305,3.8392105398773033,3.2794731143991345,88.62809455070375,81.63803680981594,6.289281847708409,24.31216167448575,7.510576382923642,1.2370486466979431,630,24,129,10,17,209,91,163,0.217,0.594,0.18899999999999997,-0.8148,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,12,13,3,1,4,0,14,4,1,0,2,40,35,18,1,4,13,0,6,3,0,1,3,2,0,2,9,8,0,1,10,1,1,0,4,7,0,1,2,9,20,6,10,31,3,9,0,2,1,0,4,3,1,6,9,88,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978788126722609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018116018686872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674657060365604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088010540477096,0.0,0.0,0.1336981339066158,0.0,0.09878091893859843,0.0,0.13590138942534893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840256302328426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27833829068038146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634327229925166,0.0,0.10424003341338182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753414473522844,0.1767721985458994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052367719235862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463896409983692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629230942553847,0.0,0.1094058144277416,0.1317029953714864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183997678498375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799366612324792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133106721677295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871335710893688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577236177207437,0.10802815102088237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925865427357705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768672607325024,0.09838767363007338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699752993561142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034360526206978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660530411449405,0.25718637705329755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643890832572945,0.15855046948459472,0.0,0.09822042325624243,0.07214254038840677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297367969656146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788764199558682,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vannnen,2019/08/25,"DAE constantly feel hostile and defensive? anytime i even feel the slightest bit like someone is accusing me of something or going against me, i immediately get super aggressive and defend myself as if i’m fighting for my life. even the tiniest, most harmless comment will throw me off completely and anger completely takes over me and i start making harsh statements to get them to back off even if they were never on me to begin with. dae relate to this?",7.809638554216868,8.557372132530121,7.517734939759038,70.73057831325305,62.61445783132529,10.013493975903614,38.286746987951815,9.888512548439397,4.060158554216868,369,18,58,7,5,117,61,83,0.166,0.731,0.10400000000000001,-0.7046,0,0,1,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,5,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,13,8,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,2,12,3,13,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,6,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191479916185066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828320940948324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960975734334337,0.2556580654202421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687749847258141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392431006033918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472057317430525,0.0,0.13445340950005505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167102883164082,0.11558064547011128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791845091851564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246446120193205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200452785703558,0.1821302238953877,0.0,0.0,0.16745197314764085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177878113334578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cameroonio,2019/08/25,"Hoping to get over my FP once and for all I've really had enough at this point lol. Talk about moth to a flame, my brain really likes to hurt itself. Good job brain, yeah, make the most painful thing in the world also the most irresistible, that seems like a good idea. Pleas let me not fuck up this opportunity to have some real independence and the freedom to find somebody who I can maybe even have a tolerable existence with. Or maybe just let me bloody exist without worrying about stupid insane shit all the time. THanKs",5.447757142857141,6.7646620900000025,5.2034285714285735,83.20100000000002,68.1,8.914285714285715,24.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,1.6444714285714284,419,10,83,8,7,129,76,100,0.122,0.578,0.3,0.9656,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,3,0,8,2,6,5,3,2,2,19,12,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,7,14,9,6,7,0,1,0,1,2,6,2,6,3,52,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295035298496948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615576691624978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673275294037059,0.0,0.1069599834093064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480104209116589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971111747292887,0.0846070774704021,0.0,0.0,0.2716555349700825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084317114027993,0.0,0.0,0.17336034737173833,0.18281078907614587,0.0,0.0,0.16070067364375046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311896792088825,0.0,0.15823161633700447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080963496813762,0.0,0.3253814204577743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246104171613585,0.0,0.0,0.17231580429387533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530858450124351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843234156483799,0.20748609436150497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742428789003875,0.0,0.0,0.16622930152804066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016140904424495,0.0,0.1490927908007733,0.0,0.0,0.10758588179844752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944286405042952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156104586507315,0.0,0.0,0.1644581470931482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,catbread1810,2019/08/25,"Handling disturbing/bad news So in a nutshell I had some very disturbing family news this afternoon, and despite my initial reactions being of worry and concern for my relatives, I am now feeling completely drained and almost tearful over because I think it's triggered me a little bit.

Why is it that these feelings turn inward? Does anyone else process things like this? I felt a huge surge of stress at first, and utter anxiety, but I was able to keep my mood intact enough to get through sorting out stuff for my children, albeit a little disconnected at that moment in time.

However now I am hurt hurting on their behalf and its bringing up feelings that are uncomfortable for me and I just don't know how to put some space between me and the way it is making me feel, after all it has not directly affected me...does that make sense? Am I just rubbish at handling empathy?",7.870928184281844,7.779987054878049,7.777642276422764,71.75651761517615,62.59756097560975,10.703523035230354,38.953929539295395,10.25414643259724,4.1596823848238484,703,34,118,14,9,226,114,164,0.132,0.816,0.051,-0.937,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,2,5,0,11,0,0,5,1,32,24,10,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,14,8,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,3,5,17,1,20,20,5,23,0,2,0,0,2,13,0,4,8,87,31,0,0.1626596110746207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628801043590935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443415725315085,0.0,0.0,0.11373538208771095,0.16666399376947072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581398095081473,0.09915578915916264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758216682357225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054550748313327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234452179517632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358812330274322,0.0,0.0,0.1680708598949056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533410049864878,0.0,0.3289823469351724,0.0,0.156178735064958,0.0,0.0,0.13835818208537154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498293325862276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482609557229534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457933608079993,0.0,0.0,0.08939346833028276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946726971674316,0.32605532501971995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715310692977852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351783601603428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632603491651886,0.0,0.18620633870944936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806381789568377,0.1042257108693873,0.0,0.0,0.0948481272915532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692694796604475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421121422911894,0.0,0.12911162808934812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467749989107916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518873073169346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StationAgent00,2019/08/25,"Irritable, Angry, and Depressed I need some weed everyone... I’m just really angry and upset. I’m finding something to be mad at with everything and at any moment I think I’m going to fly off the handle (not mental hospital crazy, just really upset) I don’t know what to do. I’m just really dissatisfied with my life and I’m thinking really really ugly thoughts towards everything and anything. I know weed would help but I don’t have a connection. I just want to drown out all my thoughts and head into oblivion. I just hate people right now. I’m disappointed with my life and want to take it out on someone so I’m keeping a tight lip and staying to myself.",2.5186923076923087,4.8955608692307715,4.739230769230769,78.89576923076925,78.76923076923076,8.0,25.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.337769230769231,523,20,95,13,13,181,73,130,0.245,0.72,0.035,-0.9804,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,2,3,0,6,4,2,0,1,36,26,10,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,14,0,2,7,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,1,11,0,17,22,2,13,0,2,0,0,1,9,0,1,2,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371601801105095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760863939574364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402720702916028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978683687991313,0.3005749145901713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283696958783374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503555105064132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509612308631613,0.17161699493207758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208471513730696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863371305358775,0.0,0.0,0.1838005828612008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362262830329039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685194427710792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399225674868483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592999014432308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5356302903961576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280582504010078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168581533044686,0.12873489973393173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782353424291408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572938524547514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142969365070141,0.0,0.26550959924190143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726256321349656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187890045214242,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,willowbaby2606,2019/08/25,"Extinguishing my emotional fire Something has happened tonight that has really upset me, and I feel shaky, tearful, and sick. Instead of doing what I would usually do (lashing out at absolutely anybody, self harming, wallowing in intense self hatred), I am practicing my breathing techniques, and imagining that my brain that feels like it is on fire, is slowly turning from searing red to a cool blue. Once the shaking stops, I will paint without the goal of the painting looking perfect. 

This has never happened before. I have never been able to deescalate.",10.330947368421056,10.43200335789474,9.085263157894737,63.76684210526317,57.526315789473685,10.968421052631578,47.42105263157895,10.355215969177356,5.5177999999999985,449,27,61,8,5,139,74,95,0.187,0.7070000000000001,0.106,-0.8251,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,3,4,1,12,3,2,0,3,14,18,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,8,9,3,10,15,0,10,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,1,6,47,15,1,0.207438789043418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651513088720205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315702926989405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333407171761565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977456915714224,0.14819431234084768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668748721479464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134411418865072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741963380024372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199791646119699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209155402615489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289060003498165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328077953822781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969651434791327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734281161344036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563383493144584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284645193999546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996359016740534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473585640268287,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jeonggukgf,2019/08/25,i cant do anything on my own i feel so dumb. i can nvr do anything without someone’s help. im not a baby anymore. why am i so damn dumb?? i also feel v good tho. i feel cared 4. i feel so dumb tho,-4.535208333333333,-3.586369104166668,0.01083333333333414,104.48416666666668,115.04166666666669,2.1333333333333333,15.75,3.1291,-1.4253500000000003,145,5,41,0,9,55,31,48,0.35200000000000004,0.542,0.106,-0.9341,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,10,6,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,8,2,2,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189896686372303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627822072258135,0.0,0.0,0.4361007216360717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27015782999717275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5359136321267061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224694288171992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776059460016178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862165182759499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451092672134304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909709291233106,0.0,0.0,0.25542470264695016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uncomfortablebases,2019/08/25,"DAE feel like they for sure know no one will ever love them or want them and you’ll probably end up going out on your own terms? Pretty much the title.

Every one of my past exes who treated me like garbage found someone.

The boy who told me to go to hell and no one will ever love me did.

The boy who told me I was too much and who called me a monster did.

The boy who laughed at my emotions and physically abused me did.

But me? I face constant rejection for just being who I am. For just being nice or open minded or kind hearted. 

How does that work?",0.7816091954022966,2.83306555172414,2.3196551724137926,95.64919540229886,83.13793103448276,4.901149425287357,19.149425287356323,5.985473137389443,-0.26278505747126424,428,11,97,3,12,139,75,116,0.111,0.677,0.21100000000000002,0.9207,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,2,3,1,6,11,1,0,5,0,10,4,2,1,3,21,20,9,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,7,1,17,9,10,8,4,13,1,1,0,2,19,5,1,3,8,70,24,1,0.0,0.1941693386025304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733836921462095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709454330977425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341126369496912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434136301444,0.14514779428840566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964751445698173,0.13807478513374366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286194212517389,0.11707490170811467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796844218433925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627196535117835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941969252735295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065433938883906,0.0900633905516165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601256083302713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958136622276922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547066539711133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409392483072129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331451335295682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644066310656246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667234475240053,0.17668884396379253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885380256238514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445363728170805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131860426316612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665984185331114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930556965352344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nitaoxo,2019/08/25,Fml I’m so tired all the time and nobody seems to understand me. I don’t even know why I feel like this but it’s as if all the energy I once had has been sucked out of me 😣,-2.3150000000000013,-0.7035710714285681,0.8907619047619058,103.63757142857143,93.04761904761904,5.2647619047619045,10.780952380952382,6.742157984588678,-1.2767104761904764,133,1,39,2,5,47,36,42,0.153,0.742,0.105,-0.4535,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,10,10,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,4,8,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450481664728653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759346718906536,0.26504914281476805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038970275987264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125642051122054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951128329818193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377529641415276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633852662031688,0.42642065251776395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862338017316302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33477821772330424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Iamjustanug,2019/08/25,"Okay so, suicide... Am I really at risk? Hello, everyone, sorry if you notice the lack of activity on this account. I made a separate one for participation in BPD support subredits to avoid triggering myself on my main.
TO THE POINT:
This is something that could be risky and difficult to ask a therapist, so I want to know how you all feel. I know bpd has high suicide rates. I have a lot of suicidal intrusive thoughts... Like a lot. I don't feel like I would premeditate or plan out a suicide.. but my biggest fear is acting out on the intrusive thoughts during an emotional impulsive outburst. I don't know if I would or not but everyone always says the people to take seriously in suicide risk are people who are actively planning. Should I worry about myself? Should I tell my therapist even if it means inpatient? 
I ask because the intrusive thoughts have been increasing in intensity and frequency lately but I don't really feel like I know or am in control of knowing if I'd ever actually do it.
Thanks! Please feel welcome to talk about your annecdotal experience and all. I really want to know where the deep end is and if I can end up there without anticipating it.",4.291400333412717,6.505180226244344,6.032288640152416,72.53120981185997,72.52941176470588,10.082495832341033,31.99356989759466,10.307518312809881,3.925637104072399,934,45,163,30,19,320,122,221,0.168,0.7290000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.934,0,1,1,0,0,4,27.0,0,3,0,3,9,13,0,4,12,1,22,0,0,4,3,51,44,18,5,13,13,0,4,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,2,14,0,1,2,5,6,0,1,5,5,24,7,25,33,7,22,0,0,0,0,11,16,0,10,7,120,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.09131437429837884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778607643530181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749574434259409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570416223113249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357054472896802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495079377919056,0.07471093723489207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052577501228507,0.16575694149440756,0.0,0.0,0.06180450658295252,0.08464271440349873,0.0,0.17882724570451175,0.0,0.0915329751115537,0.0,0.10529635981085923,0.18925457545244384,0.13369805395965026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886568801252993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085537516771917,0.0,0.10555514149074983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714606147761502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910592468921267,0.0,0.08854164050770788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192912580965734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106534209129839,0.0,0.0,0.06340792004261532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974435965361206,0.0,0.0,0.10271575687881657,0.08845733529727415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983700926398496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441351415077001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203755952302575,0.0,0.10474802878474178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.511771871699555,0.10618625756281888,0.0,0.0,0.07035573175676353,0.07521094717579653,0.08178748562232603,0.08615003552548617,0.0,0.21729241602279534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222861053205316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038431434309308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902016495973108,0.0,0.0,0.09502857340340874,0.0,0.13294405792957728,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ForlornBoner,2019/08/25,"I’ve noticed a lot of people I know self-diagnosing recently The whole affair leaves me feeling rather annoyed, but my thoughts on the subject aren’t crystal clear. What do you guys think of self-diagnosis?",4.1431578947368415,7.079876210526319,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789477,76.36842105263158,6.957894736842108,33.1842105263158,8.07648339933343,2.9033999999999995,168,9,28,3,4,53,34,38,0.051,0.818,0.131,0.431,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27317836050493977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608872099280814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664976706132445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791605547852138,0.0,0.0,0.28498762450806703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288190046826517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064254426145324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659251877086347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26575001823605304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5615576716086021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245841692017788,0.0,0.21367251398328072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004928168139805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rize_trash,2019/08/25,Why I don’t open up Literally been feeling like shit all day because I had a night terror about my abusive ex and my current boyfriend asked me what’s wrong so I originally shrugged it off and tried to feel okay but he kept be persistent so I told him a bit about the shit that has happened to me in the past and how I’m still hella triggered by it. And his only response was ‘why the fuck are you thinking about him’ like it’s clearly what I want to think about and now he’s just moody as fuck with me and won’t even look at me??? Was I in the wrong for trying to talk about it I honestly have no idea anymore but it’s just made me feel like 10x more manic and I haven’t been able to stop crying for a solid hour.,1.152875576036866,2.808063683870966,2.5833410138248847,96.26072580645165,79.90322580645163,5.460829493087559,21.394009216589858,6.1826913282559595,-0.012631336405529936,561,16,134,4,14,182,96,155,0.23199999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.9732,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,13,13,4,1,7,1,12,4,2,4,2,28,27,13,0,1,4,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,2,6,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,8,4,19,5,20,17,3,15,0,0,1,2,10,6,4,0,12,86,27,0,0.15114621233865091,0.17908354600975745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989642844113513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413013052977607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213732815321894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650125173480221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602701697464928,0.09747680294426213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983064775580032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22927219918188546,0.21595776859034688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794644755389295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336580964030372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884857306762914,0.0,0.0,0.17062567615013968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215272139757459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692475121815794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301820067735618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184048135460042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495350539272207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442861622276543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102988298723813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207055604171685,0.12636500139448975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214856001610418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936967797000861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442668311821205,0.0,0.20523671335998736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914995210066466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27277189469238977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305093117247919,0.0,0.0
bpd,LO_OS,2019/08/25,"Being pushed into a meltdown Hi,

I think a person in my life is trying to purposely make me angry and cause me to have a ""meltdown."" I feel like I'm going crazy, I've been doing good controlling my anger, not smashing things and such, but when things start getting heated the person seems to try and cause me to get angry. I'm not really given space to calm down, if I leave they follow me etc. I can't just cut this person out of my life, so... I dunno, just wanted to hear if there were any other people that have had something like this happen to them.",7.834690265486728,5.316712646017702,8.052318584070798,77.58449557522127,64.13274336283186,10.101946902654868,28.794690265486732,7.554174236665415,1.7032775221238934,431,7,87,3,5,142,77,113,0.10400000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.105,0.0441,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,7,6,2,0,4,0,9,2,0,4,0,21,24,8,0,3,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,4,2,14,4,12,19,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,4,4,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276905908121373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709155363302928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024838169979679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013427192274508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128322769660403,0.12897326125949696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864274072434226,0.0,0.10260142226065323,0.15142304338434626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964529268252947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034745216607442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911590470459265,0.0,0.0,0.25503248359772623,0.17639922490820714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205075998123516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515928765576187,0.4729050063167816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565446612972867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435103627495148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389836083577363,0.0,0.0,0.12778263243144927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987704353461595,0.11567866039943467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245140968301349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648341236902938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,-DealingWithIt-,2019/08/25,"Trying to find BPD support groups or just friends nearby who I can relate to. I'm from New Hampshire and have been struggling from BPD for a while. I live in a pretty small town and there aren't many people here I can talk to. Looking for support groups, friends, online group chats, anything really. Thanks to anyone who responds",3.792150537634409,6.372695741935487,3.2851612903225837,89.91440860215056,75.45161290322581,4.778494623655916,24.849462365591396,5.46131890053228,0.5687010752688173,264,9,47,1,6,78,46,62,0.040999999999999995,0.698,0.262,0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,5,9,9,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,1,2,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418323365105548,0.0,0.16692226389297002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510946575254354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853945586713745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134315432910358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911382583495036,0.0,0.17033678597623306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565066667628432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19590674965147534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062559220812015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063639554857929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994623168309746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120552384049866,0.0,0.0,0.4603669984268072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630372837072394,0.0,0.18675031110201806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771688257232662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idiedlit,2019/08/25,"i have this overwhelming and overpowering need for a feeling of numbness i feel like everything is too intense and i just want to be in that feeling of being numb. i also can’t enjoy anything because  only ever thinking about lying down or trying to relax. i’ve felt this way my whole life but as i’ve gotten older and taken on more responsibility it has become way less tolerable.
any way to combat this ?",3.1303846153846173,5.7393650512820535,5.307371794871795,74.37721153846154,77.97435897435899,6.464102564102564,25.134615384615394,7.645422480735847,1.7690461538461544,326,12,53,5,8,113,62,78,0.109,0.755,0.136,-0.2382,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,14,15,7,0,2,3,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,5,3,11,10,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477240205159626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712345414264614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013631606083745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408473079679283,0.25517905893370346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089999894772292,0.0,0.0,0.20765486531743046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350480882112784,0.16506377464152958,0.22184639527628555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319903826478174,0.11288045918527455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132231683844149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572564888268888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804895328333262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686931210371582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628060429501065,0.5501955679426094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579615874536357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,areyouminee,2019/08/25,"Sometimes I get so jealous of everyone being pretty, sane, full of friends and love, they trigger murderous tendencies in me",11.722857142857144,11.069561285714288,10.58095238095238,56.60571428571429,55.19047619047619,14.114285714285714,54.33333333333334,13.023866798666859,7.699533333333335,101,7,13,3,1,32,20,21,0.24,0.447,0.313,0.3472,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450068496710345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35980718887523616,0.0,0.24331479324577476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203223898851004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737955467332896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606001198700541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PersephoneisHalfHell,2019/08/25,"DAE else their FP questions they know the answers will hurt from in order to torture themselves? My ex and I broke up and he pretty quickly jumped into bed with a girl he was flirting with and she was flirting with him for months. This utterly gutted me, and while I've come to terms with the breakup, knowing they're sleeping together and that despite this gutting me that it's her specifically and me being suicidal, he will continue to do it.

So I ask him questions where I know he'll essentially confirm this for me, over and over again. I'll think about them in bed. I'll ask him if she's better than me in bed.

I don't know why. I'm already in so much pain, and I'm just asking for more.

Who else does this? Why? What is wrong with me!?",2.5124696356275287,4.259711421052632,3.487105263157897,90.88704453441298,76.23684210526315,6.2558704453441285,25.508097165991906,7.010146845296331,0.9465327935222668,584,21,125,6,13,187,90,152,0.141,0.7979999999999999,0.061,-0.9416,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,7,8,1,0,3,0,8,4,3,0,0,25,20,12,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,10,15,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,0,20,3,22,14,3,18,0,2,0,0,21,9,0,3,6,81,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503260432293905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702581139287867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829416804753245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443644139383552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673278678190796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801404893146033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794986555017929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685973316788963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338359142870132,0.0,0.12325979995703665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841712745381275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705849000056101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37566686500831703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779525162088446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834083157097272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743883092456913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025996975293752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332537131684606,0.0,0.0
bpd,brokenparrots,2019/08/25,"How to win over my ex with bpd/ abandonment issues. Over a month ago, me (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) of over a year had a fight over the phone (we hadn’t met in 12 days before that so i’m thinking object constancy also contributed to it).

We had a fight upon which i got really angry and i said mean things to him and broke up with him and blocked him for an hour. After i had calmed down and called him back to apologise, he was a changed person. He told me he could never get past the things i said and did and he cannot be with me anymore. I begged, pleaded, apologised, cried several weeks after that but none of it changed his mind. He told me he had a nervous breakdown and went to see a therapist for the first time after the breakup. Now he has finally agreed to meet me but says i shouldn’t have hope of getting back together. 

He was a loving person and i want to be with and care for him. Is there anything i can say to make him want me back again?",2.3412000000000006,3.70525932,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,75.8,7.0,23.0,7.645422480735847,0.7648499999999996,744,21,170,10,16,240,115,200,0.079,0.792,0.129,0.9053,0,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,2,0,0,2,9,10,2,1,13,0,17,1,0,2,1,31,36,15,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,7,16,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,15,5,25,5,29,17,1,28,0,2,1,1,33,8,0,1,19,115,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041503560195868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863216577095283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347179777208183,0.0,0.0,0.11178574059794627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133605142645713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155908636936805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710872474070181,0.0,0.13870906236164476,0.0,0.13849916593245126,0.0,0.2874039744719761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845815189843358,0.0,0.14921518949084406,0.08760634195162717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880740460972866,0.0,0.1155464629933627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194285014204547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086446241796362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349209712717171,0.13377622775165174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178292955722435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260199473063332,0.0,0.09067506184156587,0.0,0.0,0.14797089983199072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716089712905688,0.0,0.10842715703477804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476911473701214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967580475768878,0.0,0.2372226081438401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702335690774878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584321941936173,0.2160527633507236,0.0,0.0,0.10824785616407076,0.0,0.0,0.15346190052368874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577221136262995,0.1804937264599299,0.08704156170898306,0.0,0.0,0.07921010138251829,0.0,0.0,0.25960419312127586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024532920243353,0.0,0.10896362405615123,0.0,0.0,0.12592616169143356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747728487646295
bpd,ExquisiteRedNIN,2019/08/25,"I really need help. Some days I love my bf. Some days I hate him and think he's a monster I know this is a common symptom. But I wanted to explain the context.

He's a lovely guy. 20 years old, student. Generous, loving, understanding. He gets things, he won't let me treat him badly, he calls me out on my bullshit. He's a tough cookie.

On the other hand. He cheated on me. He told me and chuckled as I bled and cried on the floor.

Why am I still with him? Because I know I can't do better.

I'm 21. On disability. I have bpd. I get extremely upset, angry or paranoid easily. I'm traumatised. I'm overweight. I have pcos, I'm practically infertile. I get facial hair that needs constant daily shaving. I'm not attractive. I'm not a catch physically, emotionally or mentally.

I do love him. But I know if I didn't have such fears of being lonely I'd of left the night I found out he cheated on me. Neither of us deserve the bullshit we've put each other through.

I really need to talk to someone.",-0.3680650406504071,1.8972797463414643,2.6740243902439045,88.06209349593495,95.43902439024393,5.465040650406504,21.46747967479675,7.0316486544052195,0.9667528455284558,768,30,158,14,30,271,119,205,0.22,0.634,0.146,-0.9264,0,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,1,2,16,3,2,10,0,12,9,3,0,0,27,38,9,0,5,7,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,7,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,3,2,30,8,17,32,4,20,0,1,0,4,25,10,0,5,8,90,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295321006321933,0.08246547670180783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964423089643984,0.0,0.0,0.170380515878992,0.0,0.13813607945918036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461896994768179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859880761275648,0.17448891091782598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521718736025031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152227691901456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832761720954465,0.0,0.0,0.2120347635408632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394854068893206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356106468445472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067538115819827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230391702511155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698219482718494,0.13833303985472514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4883821892418122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633049508236394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30092537936807345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695118411801226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195367975499948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599383768369966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733277572487926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462236660957666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080348408172601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060779336387086,0.0,0.1087329981288971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987406920518096,0.08668200822477727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292659067777428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408313266025835,0.1627252708781112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979169187214813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206922415449585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711593149597842
bpd,julkaaaaaaa,2019/08/25,"Everyone annoys me Quite often I feel incredibly annoyed by people. It doesn't matter if it's someone close or a total stranger. I get irritated by the way they look, talk and act, and also what they say and how they say it. Basically everything can be a trigger. 
Sometimes it causes me to be aggressive and act out. It makes me super tired mentally and physically.
I recently missed one of my friend's birthday party, cause I knew that the specific people who were invited, would annoy the shit out of me. I also tend to call off meetings or just alienate myself and don't make any plans with anyone cause I can feel I just can't take it. Anyone feel the same? How do you cope with it?",3.139666666666667,5.2192829111111125,4.793055555555559,80.73625000000003,75.44444444444444,7.7592592592592595,25.324074074074076,8.59863814320734,1.9374074074074072,543,19,102,11,12,183,87,135,0.141,0.784,0.076,-0.7292,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,3,7,8,5,0,6,0,10,2,1,8,1,33,21,13,0,2,5,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,10,11,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,2,6,17,2,11,16,2,8,0,1,1,0,11,4,1,4,1,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26172061407710656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112786499702654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288373406861911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709149045179209,0.0,0.0,0.5043002745731867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636199545158005,0.1470662238070614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24821908107042276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642540237739056,0.0,0.08549348537651134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137413717079015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845769803293205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490742828758484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088454520716726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268903364708526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404790212687338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157161994462704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26026113672644297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679708457523169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864894784107065,0.0,0.1618410006528186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230345249193322,0.1315250786744541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880764543730676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988729224493162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624290302858865,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eatmoreunicorns,2019/08/25,"Looking for help Hi everyone. I know we aren't supposed to be asking for a diagnosis, which I am not doing. What I am wondering is how to go about getting information and finding someone who can diagnose me? I'm not sure if I have BPD or not, but I do know that I have many signs. I don't currently have a primary care provider, but I am looking for one. Is this something I should discuss with them or would I need to go to a psychiatrist or something like that? I know deep down that this is something I need to get help with even if it isn't BPD, but I'm not even sure where to start.",3.7166129032258053,4.007853403225809,5.205000000000002,85.35250000000002,71.41935483870971,8.780645161290323,30.822580645161292,8.841846274778883,2.209745161290322,458,19,104,8,8,155,68,124,0.034,0.85,0.11599999999999999,0.8856,1,0,3,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,18,1,0,1,2,30,35,10,0,6,12,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,15,4,13,32,0,7,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,6,3,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512305630685117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40748043425797503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493251581826415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419037669286315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369151600955805,0.0,0.0,0.15457556152123436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785235665562582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903344665454814,0.0,0.18387213809324146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168583860674048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266709187613362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903131829757569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716875340054908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640066242169813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398967660348298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961769060265196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706488526809893,0.3736090494495641,0.0,0.0,0.11449970828213235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30492748030787864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754297067952488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491482924996728,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kateeeeeevictoriaaaa,2019/08/25,"How to stop making bad decisions so I don’t feel like shit again? Drinking is out of control, keep hanging around the wrong crowd, I’m 25 and sincerely want change. 
Anyone else struggle with impulse and not wanting to let go of the past?",2.521956521739128,5.14170554347826,2.8762608695652183,90.82743478260872,80.52173913043478,5.419130434782609,26.591304347826085,6.742157984588678,1.201066086956522,189,8,36,2,5,58,41,46,0.263,0.612,0.125,-0.8358,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,2,0,3,2,1,3,0,15,10,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,2,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,7,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,19,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950835161990335,0.24839182266487786,0.0,0.21580857122423505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241373981718067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564522271127646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27189889583123394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23748302392551826,0.0,0.0,0.2025139706199545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257675298005095,0.17318760505469144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377750273428803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547740454642936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247894751478088,0.0,0.11843601920668152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181976324843506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231420939768472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24884453820603605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267714467598605,0.0,0.2534339826779908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859756663691461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26505235963273305,0.0,0.0
bpd,isaor,2019/08/25,"I can’t accept I have BPD I used to go to this one behavioral psychologist who told me she thought I had BPD. I stopped seeing her right away. Childish I know. Has anyone else struggled with accepting that you might have traits linked to BPD? It feels like now it all makes sense ( extreme anxiety in relationship, leaving people before they leave me, all or nothing). I always thought maybe I didn’t have BPD since apart from struggling in romantic relationships, I never feel these kind of things in my friendships, I don’t bail on people, I don’t get violent mentally or physically with anyone. I’m just scared. So deeply scared to lose my partner it makes me want to leave them. How can I deal with that and accepting that I have a problem? It feels like no one understands.",4.528265306122449,6.543280414965987,4.680017006802721,83.32778061224491,71.38095238095238,8.16530612244898,28.5765306122449,8.841846274778883,2.2676897959183675,619,24,117,12,12,193,96,147,0.19899999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.8727,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,1,4,13,1,4,1,0,12,0,0,4,3,29,28,5,0,2,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,11,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,5,4,23,6,15,22,2,11,0,1,1,0,11,7,0,3,5,75,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048225322138387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318751447199381,0.0,0.0,0.15207020246299172,0.11141927345119754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216691222888576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253163534109557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5478281685144462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121084725797467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084018639629314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495002869885525,0.1553709531893954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681333121372632,0.0,0.06180071985289705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323830722854546,0.05976189018018858,0.0,0.0,0.34542698688386164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625192946278443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165474919704072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517257659895433,0.0,0.10924619407712782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958659951276732,0.11535833018368095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386871773486554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043411102087946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737310955552646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507763518862677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040516358592432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334969360505073,0.0,0.09286527714204844,0.0,0.0,0.21773990106106814,0.0,0.08665348482534753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995270303093282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091338016963907,0.0,0.22736199537391485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224351105466638,0.0,0.0,0.17265838078068355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390786850842837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320450481695295,0.0,0.09391837948569301,0.0,0.0,0.06413898941947277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fistfullofpeanuts,2019/08/25,"My ex-wife has BPD Let me preface this by saying the struggle everyone here goes through is immense and I hope you all can find peace. What I need help with is understanding this disorder and perhaps find a way to help cope with being with someone for so long (8+ years). I regret I never truly understood what she was going through and I never was able to handle the outbursts. Example: I had to work a double shift and she said under no circumstances could that happen because of school work and taking care of the kids and I said I needed to and she hit me. So I left her. Which I truly regret, I should have stayed. I later told her that I didn’t love her and wanted a divorce only to come crying back a few days later because it wasn’t true. I don’t want to live without her but she says she can’t be with me. I guess what I am asking is how to best and effectively communicate with someone who has BPD. I so desperately want this to work and any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.",2.4710055555555566,4.438360445000002,4.024333333333335,86.00022222222225,77.05,6.4444444444444455,22.61111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.8748777777777783,779,23,157,10,18,259,119,200,0.09300000000000001,0.736,0.171,0.9512,0,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,1,0,5,6,9,0,1,7,0,22,1,0,2,4,40,43,15,0,11,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,11,16,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,9,4,31,6,21,26,4,14,0,2,0,1,22,2,0,2,8,116,42,4,0.12563877674093815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277275854268666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543867652107065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745529626460074,0.0,0.0,0.09660846409491963,0.0,0.1531764643286218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185014489307165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164752822226573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809710627291662,0.0,0.0,0.10822668134474753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031233990733024,0.0,0.13800829670746415,0.08102661716123481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399292297826552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200532353074593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296631316057276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140341216862134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840527722107895,0.0,0.11110195534357953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684260473954001,0.0,0.0,0.12478765398390575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650689854312867,0.12847416150516605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094134167134292,0.1111863637939939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339390127404173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631912198049214,0.1938007400150256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555395121159244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23902249534201886,0.19982599607129,0.0,0.12715314959599452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290665563871206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391421923467053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134492855266308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446472417049724,0.0,0.0,0.11567130552104934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200532353074593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079439747675778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223150171307967,0.09972621297326847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111129734806104,0.0,0.2743995774540361,0.0,0.0,0.08925018224415546,0.0,0.0,0.08090725299206249
bpd,TinyWander3r,2019/08/25,"I'm scared my BPD will make me a bad mom My DS is a year old and the only thing keeping me going right now. My BPD is spiralling out of control, and I'm so worried it ruins his childhood. Is anyone else here a parent? Does it get easier?",0.3455769230769228,2.046817788461542,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,82.65384615384616,4.929230769230768,20.015384615384615,5.6839178017228535,-0.09515846153846086,183,5,41,1,5,64,40,52,0.222,0.7290000000000001,0.049,-0.8747,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,10,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,9,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244765817259592,0.22339165777149306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204118158307367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491879409533506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445327886978237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079453203610727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821313243460326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390869685498585,0.0,0.12390823267625525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379001328424908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553291160888873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553474222539564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877982465661706,0.0,0.0,0.1658173028468332,0.0,0.0,0.242090181006264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861915588532172,0.0,0.0,0.2182803565055472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484565549427972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221414257325216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040049942238905
bpd,trepagnier,2019/08/25,DAE have this feeling of derealization when talking to their FP? It just feels so confusing. I feel like I disconnect from the world and just trying to act normal. Does anybody know some coping mechanisms or something?,5.258684210526315,8.472472500000002,5.193947368421052,74.74513157894737,74.0,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,3.1573473684210533,177,8,27,4,4,55,35,38,0.062,0.82,0.11800000000000001,0.3088,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,5,4,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361451011071069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5826662814890514,0.2744146704925755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111017415439176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766112721975914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37635503657910013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29571355115709297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087402796888801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607915678944349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deathoria,2019/08/25,"Family I thought family meant you talked to each other about things. We are not family by blood but still. 

Apparently my mil put down their dog this Wednesday because it bit their other dog. I just wish she would have told me so we could have had our goodbyes.me and my mil talk about pretty much everything and share everything. 
I feel betrayed and broken. 

I will miss that little goofy ball. 

And to make everything worse my husband got the news on Friday and didn’t tell me. 

And yesterday my old lady came in with a large wound on the back leg. 

I don’t want to exist anymore. I want to call in sick and never go back to work.",3.61,5.3325290322580665,4.091161290322585,87.81674193548392,73.19354838709677,7.540645161290323,22.07741935483871,8.238735603445708,1.038360645161291,496,12,101,8,10,156,88,124,0.145,0.757,0.098,-0.8625,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,1,2,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,9,4,2,1,1,26,21,9,0,5,3,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,7,1,19,1,14,11,3,16,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,0,7,68,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551166762717451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405392473465633,0.0,0.09534607496868376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075919353415805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597120821312894,0.178891354477528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488064563977845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217136268023528,0.0,0.4423482405171483,0.0,0.07908558789216177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889139881233149,0.0,0.12509535314182324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676389511341016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440487937509403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497933556690387,0.0,0.12063302262165013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641259680210397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159125184912099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572352354180326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490921587756347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514328421008279,0.1367092207350881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391184387575364,0.0,0.0,0.12417205673978625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945644324706073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450932291653555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986376341338167,0.0,0.0,0.11386833174396052,0.0,0.15939513695592414,0.11110916555644586,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nob0d7,2019/08/25,"i’m not sure if i have a problem with lying or if i have bpd. i lie all day everyday about things i know i shouldn’t lie about. some are very small details that don’t matter and some are really big things that makes me feel like a shitty person for doing. i’ve done it pretty much my whole life, but when i’m doing it i don’t realize that i am until it’s already happened. the thing is after i start telling the lies i think they actually have happened and it give me anxiety attacks to where i can’t breathe and it makes it worse cause i know those things never actually happened. i sometimes feel like i’m not in my body like i’m watching myself do shit, or i feel like i’m not there in the moment like i’m not a person. i have really bad mood swings, and feel like i have to express my feeling right then or it’ll make me go crazy. i self harm regularly and constantly think about suicide and ways to do it. i just don’t know how to talk to my therapist about any of this.",3.9385572322414433,3.9933145598086135,5.1900478468899545,86.48725800515274,70.86602870813397,8.344644828855357,26.60323886639676,8.139509932561175,1.3817696724328306,769,22,174,10,13,257,109,209,0.20600000000000002,0.69,0.10300000000000001,-0.9796,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,2,0,6,0,20,4,3,5,3,42,45,16,1,4,11,0,5,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,17,7,0,0,11,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,1,6,26,7,16,42,5,18,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,7,16,112,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.21487501611303264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149332721966485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486884183180223,0.0,0.08422289845594988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524973677077966,0.0,0.0,0.09192529912223224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229148786633845,0.13866166245306782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309859678936067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897432437266944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100260949049708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266611119857944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783384342708229,0.31460952034767425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561381405272026,0.0625699155181214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920717546381127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151712934792105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776383894829265,0.32272314623268106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046917596507834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093299699265034,0.0,0.08491258023813635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226261287858096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200689279033224,0.0,0.10534670276870543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106023124409822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402111430377648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485381149005534,0.0,0.11301163957636635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888744860774463,0.0,0.0779262932204507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042681124694632,0.0,0.10376388113974344,0.0,0.0,0.08849074206799135,0.09622848224046657,0.0,0.0,0.12782957708709522,0.2925707269547959,0.14108974025826532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084047111495663,0.0,0.08738883102594551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229179016915775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219690978637192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RapidHeartbeat,2019/08/25,"Someone I opened up to that was close to me told me to stop talking to them God this is just like last time this happened I feel like I’m in a crisis I’m breaking apart guys, it just happened and I’m typing this because I have nowhere to go to",0.7166666666666686,2.3657699259259246,2.170148148148151,98.7396666666667,81.22222222222223,4.32,23.76296296296297,3.1291,-0.17349925925925902,192,7,46,0,5,62,36,54,0.114,0.758,0.128,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,8,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,26,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880869403616313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601026322502778,0.2204255145858844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753539538210504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055093136148014,0.5456928893184744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515063884877818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014802412781476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26143025051029456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579584947542512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479978016541667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799158093801554,0.0,0.0,0.2948291802982388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,themosttoxic,2019/08/25,So I uh cut off all my hair cause I thought I was going to take my life. But instead I took the one feature that everyone liked :’),-0.1101190476190439,1.8186034642857152,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,85.78571428571429,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.4266047619047626,99,4,24,1,3,33,24,28,0.084,0.816,0.099,0.1082,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,1,6,1,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222759102265621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927892207279091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336171162001484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903466250404545,0.2008250827084313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27854757146648906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30906893344590314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32633886062962725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567071743196903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,schuylersisters-,2019/08/25,"I absolutely HATE leaving my house Why is it so hard? I’m triggered by everything!! I’ll overthink everything that happened and regret everything I said/done. I get really nervous when I stay at home for too long but oh boy... I’m even thinking about isolating myself because it’s so hard to wake up the next day and hate everything about me and everyone. God, this is exhausting.",2.8912499999999994,5.656093402777778,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,80.25,8.6,29.83333333333333,9.188382445141503,3.2981333333333325,303,15,54,9,8,100,54,72,0.249,0.7170000000000001,0.035,-0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,1,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,7,9,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,7,0,7,9,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073041589503724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135225707838133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626388467758915,0.0,0.0,0.16820092434436698,0.6328052980583349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196661390909308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565970827356407,0.0,0.3153704505121518,0.3475795760280257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765689949601788,0.0,0.0,0.2031110198571188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18638671392706652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577796897137713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720624666736152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276712363883225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744157103580665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876208950174479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279071389258195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883659387535573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tokeagoat,2019/08/25,"DAE ever feel guilty about bad things happening that are completely unrelated to you? So an example: a while ago, my friend's dog was hit by a car. Whoever hit him just drove off. When my friend told me, I had a hard time sympathizing because I felt super guilty for hitting him, and felt like a gross monster that betrayed my friend. I was in another state the day their dog was run over but I couldn't help feel bad that I did it. And then I thought my friend was mad at me for it, even though he knew I was out of town. I don't understand it, how I can manage to be THIS dysfunctional. Like my friend was going through something awful and I couldn't fully be there for them. I hate myself so much, like I don't care if I'm unhappy due to my illness but when something like that happens, I just so much want not to exist.",3.468215686274512,4.3503538411764735,4.442058823529415,88.44759803921568,72.3529411764706,8.019607843137255,25.93137254901961,8.344100000000001,1.3879019607843142,643,20,144,10,12,209,104,170,0.223,0.63,0.147,-0.9419,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,1,13,16,2,0,6,1,16,1,0,1,1,22,35,15,0,4,6,0,5,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,7,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,14,5,27,11,16,14,2,20,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,1,13,97,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897456683266625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256659240284887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24296831577816036,0.08869379618723115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834418180027434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255113805888315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383371394212968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960995863757623,0.1316106266940352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471356008343001,0.0,0.2794004266235208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5620542181718293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268946164431347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573255421826581,0.0,0.13033699129097448,0.1436484493081568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752376506262812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28433050187312203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139144953342596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402184100897374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966619329131542,0.0,0.1429503465355992,0.11550859431020312,0.08484063857566719,0.0,0.0,0.13902889364430732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146780783955746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858180700504883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Who_Wonder,2019/08/25,"Giving Up I'm not worth the waste...I've given up entirely. I help so many people that I know, but when I need help they're never there. Literally never. They'll see it and never respond. I've finally gotten a text back from someone that calls themself a friend...it's been an entire MONTH.

I give so much but I'm always rejected. I'm always abandoned and I just cant fucking take it anymore. I cant take the pain i cant take the suffering.

I want out. I want to be loved in that special way like everyone else gets to...but everytime I try I'm left to rot alone every single time. 

I just want to be first for someone...im always last or non existant for everyone. Even though I've done the absolute most for all that come to me...

I've tried so hard...I just want someone to love me...I've worked so hard, but I'm always left. I cant take it anymore. I don't want to live if I'm not going to be loved.",-0.249062851993692,1.8772729740932657,2.2950439288127957,93.55409551700836,88.68911917098445,5.429060599234061,18.753998648344226,6.895973343053719,0.1976633926560032,696,20,158,10,23,239,103,193,0.075,0.693,0.23199999999999998,0.9827,0,2,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,1,2,12,10,1,0,7,0,11,5,0,0,4,27,40,13,0,7,10,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,10,5,0,1,4,2,15,5,15,32,4,19,0,3,1,4,10,6,1,3,11,83,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103133412706562,0.0,0.0,0.3545029539728463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126071218156556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190043443979637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875970600332828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917498513526037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899779933423344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897632759580543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034955389453998,0.0,0.08974016603662821,0.2035517740541551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166776654742034,0.0,0.09059825746726048,0.0,0.0,0.08229018459730905,0.09846776328461207,0.05564763537393829,0.2043502378590412,0.060532692780916074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082598664730965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427842434086104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505022757713855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058535695812200465,0.0868207338073777,0.0,0.0,0.2314491675124223,0.0,0.0,0.052035926271243864,0.0,0.09405122175723198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28839118386281565,0.0,0.0,0.10798550232474392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501611589827879,0.0,0.0782978880861049,0.07897660509151071,0.2464436985519674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333528273526493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384136146863096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487552876105607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180492959445068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203322616203815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464658056411463,0.0,0.06210745853357209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462804311332134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31411492868115604,0.08454352570517533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775413238516435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,junesheep,2019/08/25,"How to not just see in black and white? For example, this one girl really pisses me off, and I pretty much hate her but now that it’s been some time since I’ve last seen her, in my mind I still don’t want anything to do with her but my bf is telling me to let it go because its hard for him to plan group events when I always don’t want her around (her bf is his good friend). I realized that I should try to put it behind me but she used to annoy the life out of me every time I was around her so I can’t mentally see her in a different light. How can I start to see things more in a gray area? Applies to other aspects of life too but this is just an example..",1.5926345083487945,2.384664911564631,3.268076685219544,95.43417439703155,76.75510204081633,6.978107606679036,20.166357452071733,7.348242739294969,0.1396721088435373,510,10,130,6,11,170,92,147,0.07,0.868,0.062,-0.2861,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,3,0,4,0,12,3,1,3,0,22,22,10,0,3,7,0,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,3,9,24,2,22,17,3,19,0,0,7,0,16,9,1,1,8,92,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470661390095491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544621406782896,0.31468134435613865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774221427023953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466108286294394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891542747588704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365528788009624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044835239169732,0.1482454617778438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832895474860953,0.17449926229648993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440709022470361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073390971321032,0.2496806790716224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811755901011952,0.0,0.17846223587067048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992803545786225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976710042318214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981337746962253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767771175484073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322748080391612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.422529048225823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620542987434595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510114001543693,0.0,0.14114891993014192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544830676878431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174216364098295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612305827900645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999836760069407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265107754556048,0.0,0.0,0.2084977594626686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stargazer798,2019/08/25,"Depressive episode So I recently quit my job because I’m going back to school soon. It’s only been a week of me not working and I’m feeling so depressed, tired, antsy, and irritated. When I as working I was constantly busy, and while that did make me feel a little trapped I was doing okay mentally because it kept my mind busy and it tired me out physically. But now I feel like I have way too much time on my hands and my mind keeps wandering. It feels as if being depressed is my natural state, that when I’m busy and don’t have time to think I’m okay but the moment I get some quiet, it the opposite of peaceful. I keep thinking about all my failures and how I’m destined to screw shit up. I keep thinking about how I am worthless and that I have no purpose in life. I don’t know who I am or what I want and that’s scary and frustrating and exhaustingly depressing.",2.587281191806333,4.253769106145254,4.028245810055868,87.43663314711361,75.81564245810057,7.454897579143388,27.575791433892004,8.238735603445708,1.779136014897579,686,28,146,12,15,227,103,179,0.23199999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.071,-0.9856,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,3,0,4,2,14,7,2,3,1,37,35,24,0,2,5,0,5,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,11,12,0,4,8,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,5,6,23,3,13,29,3,20,0,5,0,1,1,5,2,3,13,96,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333296947838808,0.0,0.16383842825329875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522131895090873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629788280407656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717942699161069,0.0960039271924989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702100721073285,0.0,0.07637350080447991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333553435665122,0.35833991210579985,0.0,0.0,0.0738539094466537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949193644788733,0.06565321439312577,0.1346880308952516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970233617067581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354274232722584,0.0,0.2713789801486982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878767231413284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220505642637688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429338820921946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268794735472092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600374097009132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379432028096871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583234443076169,0.0,0.0,0.15672073441191414,0.3089091844851067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926314081270372,0.10666773163102064,0.1077947060299598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956662453790912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neutral44,2019/08/25,"Abilify for BPD? Hi! First time posting to Reddit! A question for anyone who can give input. I’m on Cipralex for BPD and it helps SO much, but there’s still stuff going on. I tried Wellbutrin but it didn’t work at all and gave me bad side effects. My GP recommended Abilify (Aripiprazole). I know it’s an antipsychotic for schizophrenia which makes me nervous because that’s obviously fairly different than BPD. Abilify was the next closest thing she could find to mimic the effects Wellbutrin was supposed to provide. SO!!! Has anyone with BPD tried Abilify before? Has it helped with specific BPD symptoms? (Which ones?). I already know there can be bad side effects but I’m not looking for the side effects, just the positive effects (or lack there of) for BPD in particular. Thanks!!!! :) :)",2.850633802816901,5.9115993450704245,3.4663239436619726,82.85666901408452,87.2394366197183,6.220281690140845,28.930985915492954,7.554174236665415,2.3838805633802806,625,31,104,12,20,196,90,142,0.095,0.7859999999999999,0.12,0.6031,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,6,0,9,1,0,6,2,24,19,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,4,1,7,1,17,13,3,14,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,2,4,68,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202727277234878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241611721077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820035178102996,0.06643904519947623,0.0,0.09274211745253473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8236114734310099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870193226404562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387092899485925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961451485569407,0.0927064934003193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455275027932463,0.06194129821785457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610685557626088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197956616209288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152380964523184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275140064366611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011989245749579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591167020571445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738541699028729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438190401987907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220932892751814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703923095152387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124767010165063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328192005098828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034297539742107,0.0,0.0,0.07240784368197282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355270902129538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147993560794825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934572285236448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MoonbeamznChronic,2019/08/25,"Newly diagnosed. What are some good resources for me to learn more about this? Hi guys. After spending a few days in the psych ward for (yet another) suicide attempt, and 10 years of treatment for depression - I got the BPD diagnosis. I dont know much about this disorder and I want to understand more about it. What are some good books/websites/whatever that I can use? Thanks in advance.",2.652916666666666,5.5718173472222245,3.2633333333333354,85.915,83.8611111111111,7.088888888888889,27.44444444444445,8.167268648758528,2.3224611111111098,307,14,56,7,9,96,55,72,0.149,0.7240000000000001,0.127,-0.5697,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,10,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,12,9,6,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,39,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508486992753893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012960275419666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428059786778506,0.0,0.20604449381337656,0.24280875398723795,0.0,0.0,0.2741730436753949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803703971214767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013018453791749,0.1913304128462558,0.0,0.0,0.23687076539480575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147202823481874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758582008866718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616737690602265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22024661521316255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490420870010734,0.0,0.20661394414202733,0.0,0.0,0.1411013440586437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405331977042536
bpd,missstellamaria,2019/08/25,"I stopped taking my medication and now im not sure if some things really happened or i just dreamed they did... First post, hi. I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago.
Anyway, i keep remembering conversations and stuff that happened in places i was at, but I can’t seem to remember if it actually happened like that or if i just dreamed it did and i cant differentiate if it was real, or a dream. Does that make sense?think im going nuts...",3.3535960591133005,5.0000917816092,5.126108374384238,80.44758620689656,73.71264367816093,8.649589490968804,28.52052545155993,9.23628265651192,2.4008732348111663,343,14,71,8,7,117,58,87,0.038,0.888,0.07400000000000001,0.5885,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,1,24,15,11,0,4,11,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,0,10,2,4,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,9,6,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.16550137730874606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033675362698462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360041321724674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721365217044385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841473325782828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425839807018345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638540006804353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499199445333557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663858884677932,0.0,0.0,0.1507448500891516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285611198096701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320674668276515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085027813473802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719187945798653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242623045185242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930375473780061,0.10864763608491244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842387530301031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439396485864929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178997493955606,0.0,0.0,0.19414701557848252,0.0,0.0,0.15984236375340025,0.0,0.12751519787302282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112672145759767,0.10867036456482612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921435980721036
bpd,BPDthrowaway333,2019/08/25,"Losing my favorite person, struggling to deal with it Hey,

I made this throwaway because I'm currently struggling hard over losing a close relationship with someone that was my Favorite Person. How it basically happened is I (male) pushed my FP (female) away by pushing my negative thoughts onto her until she decided that it wasn't worth dealing with anymore. At some point in our lives she and I were best friends. We told each other everything and its safe to say that she's the closest I've ever let someone get to me. As time passed our friendship became harder and harder to maintain due to several reasons (me starting a 9-5 job, her moving across the world) and try as we did, I slowly felt our friendship deteriorating. This really triggered negative emotions in me and through my attempts to keep the relationship going, I pushed her away. I've come to terms with the fact that this is my mistake and things will never return to the way they were before. 

The problem now is I've not been able to stay away from said person because of mutual friends and my inability to let go. This is the first time I've experienced something like this and at the time of our last ""big fight"" I thought a split would be a lot easier than this. Now it seems that every day I would see something that reminds me of what used to be and it will bring on a flurry of dark and very negative emotions. I thought that perhaps time would heal these wounds but it's been a month and although there are some days where I don't feel bad about the situation, there are others where I feel just as bad as when it happened. I feel stuck in a way that I don't know how to move forward and these negative emotions are constantly consuming my thoughts.

As a side note, some may think that I am/was in love with my FP, and I don't think that's the case. I never really saw her in a romantic light, and when were the closest I considered her closer than I would've been to my sister if I had one. I definitely did love her, but I don't think I am or ever was in love. However, this split has left me feeling a lot worse than any other breakup ether has.

I was wondering if anyone is/has struggled through something similar and if so, if there is a way to overcome this. I can't keep feeling this way and it's really affecting everything else happening in my life.",6.0923446054750405,6.186471860869568,6.420096618357492,79.37849436392916,66.26086956521739,9.51046698872786,33.123993558776164,9.250403328903447,2.7907447665056364,1856,74,362,31,27,599,213,460,0.084,0.797,0.12,0.9673,3,0,3,0,1,0,41.0,6,0,1,5,19,18,1,3,22,0,39,6,0,7,5,78,77,35,0,9,9,1,7,1,2,6,3,2,0,4,35,26,0,3,18,0,1,11,13,10,0,2,23,13,55,8,53,44,8,67,0,2,2,3,35,28,0,13,26,259,90,1,0.07329856605819747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049845538434505295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269248161748862,0.05125206166444076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20659924695877246,0.0,0.12240248195089053,0.0893642510727678,0.0,0.06237168102104039,0.0,0.07692232291592077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314022436054666,0.0,0.07920971011626028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454302253692412,0.15113520615353312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061231546475058386,0.2473530632945967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260549884348388,0.06175720324526299,0.0,0.1317520497085692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530978687255534,0.0,0.07037811816599561,0.0,0.0,0.06234772284451295,0.0,0.0,0.11326058062321745,0.0,0.03829547547866023,0.0,0.0833145285139826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944530396790966,0.0,0.06566111788251898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273751665847697,0.13030226675640116,0.0,0.0,0.04028297498247842,0.059748114366722185,0.0,0.0,0.07963910649094133,0.14990549984859122,0.05177294490303317,0.03580997692245266,0.0,0.0647239767213708,0.0,0.0,0.16400469274409465,0.0,0.12463163936230474,0.19846445290382586,0.06935687548944969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850621611854226,0.1558095513596265,0.0,0.0,0.11306474571469025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966900534283426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920044418735808,0.0,0.0,0.06929083711530579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013682853012168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087081500180024,0.075363133766765,0.0,0.15739045744784824,0.0,0.0,0.06972372152407881,0.05828996171849861,0.0,0.0,0.058409467151044385,0.06672826163776834,0.0,0.08280651603842495,0.0,0.0,0.08239065933894324,0.0,0.0,0.12421127431654667,0.16928645158660818,0.0,0.0,0.05188110232164123,0.07812651873349608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22988272820686284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869631030221785,0.14090028439114516,0.0,0.2327634956837157,0.17096393327995532,0.0,0.0,0.07003992100964818,0.0,0.049764914909275086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330642688526067,0.0,0.06047899344485081,0.0,0.2327239598783253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948916818262416,0.0,0.0,0.07469750088499137,0.20827679315657568,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheLadyAudley,2019/08/25,"Getting Diagnosed (UK based) - Advice? After years of trying to treat my ""depression"" and just being sent away by my GP with more and more meds that do sweet FA, I've started trying to explore my feelings/behaviours.

I came across BPD on the Mind website and I just burst into tears. Every aspect of it is me; emptiness, fear of abandonment, crazy mood swings, anger, paranoia, risky behaviours to try fill your void. I've not felt stable, secure or level a day in my life.
.
My GPs referred me to some weird place for assessment, first by a mental health nurse. my past experience is that they don't care they just want you gone. I'm so scared it's gonna be like it was when I tired to kill myself a few years back, no one took me seriously that I needed help. Oh she's just depressed. I don't think I can go through that again.

I've also booked a private referral in a few weeks with a specialist psychiatrist but I feel like he won't take me seriously and will laugh in my face. I have major trust issues with medical professionals and also older men.

I was sexually and psychologically abused as a child. Have tried counsellors, CBT, SSRIs, I'm still so low most days I wish I was dead.

Any advice for dealing with the diagnosis stage?

Thanks guys. and please don't laugh at me x",3.760059760956175,5.454750613545823,4.771432270916336,83.20671015936256,72.74501992031874,7.888525896414343,24.50219123505976,8.548686976883017,1.5426030278884468,1008,30,201,18,20,329,166,251,0.182,0.682,0.136,-0.5575,0,0,0,0,1,1,36.0,0,2,2,1,12,22,2,2,9,0,16,6,1,0,0,32,35,15,2,3,7,0,2,2,0,3,5,0,0,3,7,13,0,2,5,1,0,7,6,11,0,2,8,3,29,10,27,22,7,33,0,4,0,0,12,11,0,3,16,119,36,2,0.0,0.15423793663666038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441405509810394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082042955491712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852452455233839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230516300489293,0.10009773910326536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395281991767902,0.0,0.0,0.14888730488560914,0.13272367844489882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790622355939014,0.13420631703518232,0.22424176027019485,0.13212646791820296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967936603097292,0.0,0.0,0.12733765432710056,0.0,0.14648482092007029,0.06582117996114263,0.09299816027268536,0.12498991173942735,0.0,0.0,0.1107281151949754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801187961302793,0.0,0.07398233880744866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288952604498846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837159564933138,0.0,0.0,0.08725460397452657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587050741306753,0.0,0.0,0.14402107606549644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919475539067052,0.12719538321190546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459681164143734,0.13113918864670224,0.1311873543416288,0.0,0.1314412161489079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652426956932407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821100586042042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426825603510948,0.0,0.0,0.13600679823640285,0.14289477128259845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303294457616674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213963898311918,0.0,0.1039591687463093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787657223480906,0.0,0.0,0.11984908641549323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834118831678687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961880564972915,0.0,0.0,0.14463094766294518,0.3535253561375137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678150767974203,0.0,0.10441978407633794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969661926599814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765887290381304
bpd,ACHollywood,2019/08/25,"DAE just become whichever TV character you idolise at that moment? For me, it was Pam from the Office, now Thirteen from House. There have been plenty more, but this last one is really making me realise how often this happens.",4.373048780487803,7.126612097560978,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,74.36585365853658,6.051219512195122,24.88414634146341,7.1686216300943375,1.3678243902439022,180,6,29,2,4,55,38,41,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,4,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791553426274652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836538064276898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006068478468795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536472076985596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895995152416599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29398927873850184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779366395053653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fckthatguy24,2019/08/25,"How do you get through push/pull dynamics? How do you stick by someone when they make you feel insecure? I made a friend on a trip last year, we’re just friend but we shared a deep connection when we met, we basically got drunk, stayed up all night talking and ended up making out. We live in different continents and recently got closer through social media, up to this date I still think she’s one of the most wonderful human beings I’ve ever met and still manage a crush on her. 

We flirt a lot and joke about getting married, there’s still some obvious attraction but I just don’t want to ruin our friendship because even if she was on the same page I wouldn’t know what to do about the distance, we’re planning on seeing each other some time next year and we might see then. However I will be happy to sustain any kind of relationship with her because she is that awesome.

She’s amazing, she’s caring, compassionate and one hell of a friend. We bonded over hard childhood and trauma, however she had it much worse than me later in life and she still manages to be a loving person.

Whenever we get too close she quickly recoils, her responses get brief and dettached, I usually just give it time and she snaps out of it and goes back to her usual self, however there was one instance in which I got hurt by the lenght of the episode and because it concerned when we would meet, she acted extremely cold and it made me wonder if she even proposed it in the first place, so I stopped reaching out. She got concerned less than a week later and while she tried to deny it at first she apologized to me and said she felt like an asshole.

I don’t usually cling to people as the norm, I usually show them the amount of interest that they show to me and I would have walked away by now in other instances. In her case I’ve been extremely aware of her issues since the beginning and decided that I wouldn’t just drop the connection we made, it felt rare and special to me. 

However I’m no where near the quality of person that is required to sustain a person like her, I’m not patient, I’m not tolerant, I have a temper and I’m not afraid to use it. I’ve been a lot more mindful since her, I try to be more fair towards all people because in the end everyone is dealing with problems of their own, I just didn’t see it before until I cared for someone like her, for that I feel extremely grateful because it’s forcing me to work on my own shit and do better. Still I feel guilty for pursuing this with her because I am so lacking in the temper department, I’m fooling myself to think that I can keep up like this without snapping at her eventually. Anyone here who is in a friendship/relationship with a person w/bpd? How do you manage the frustration and uncertainty? How do you handle feeling inadequate and feeling like a sham or not good enough?",6.265436278863231,6.110013849023094,6.6555767095914735,78.68178424733574,65.9271758436945,9.808370337477797,33.40192051509769,9.435801123606538,2.9134245559502667,2259,89,438,39,32,734,264,563,0.11800000000000001,0.701,0.18,0.991,5,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,11,5,4,6,32,36,5,2,29,0,32,4,1,10,4,101,76,40,0,9,15,0,8,5,3,6,1,1,0,6,25,41,1,3,13,4,0,5,11,12,0,5,18,13,74,24,71,48,19,77,1,2,3,1,69,32,2,11,43,317,99,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844749493444031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981456868261553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669348838087482,0.05478125674978592,0.0,0.260573417630348,0.0,0.06062231034558532,0.0,0.0,0.06300839937576035,0.0,0.0,0.0897277161624602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452734091858993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344811957603603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443348272050694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619981395753596,0.07361277766073164,0.0,0.0941102938095545,0.06444312204531588,0.0,0.06807547525606758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801123077967498,0.05089581583755795,0.13680837364502044,0.0,0.0,0.12119804827275946,0.0,0.0,0.16512585413913247,0.0,0.1488855301825802,0.06834251200013411,0.0,0.0597550163064109,0.2279172562236844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583920382074598,0.06381948667648288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626680888518719,0.0,0.0,0.074358893797194,0.0,0.06332380597033357,0.0,0.07418833330365675,0.03915313762679346,0.058072328217049225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032084244062296,0.17402798024065202,0.0,0.06290862999635617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113603155496094,0.06429933937724014,0.20223476239656776,0.09511014216714554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557727114153487,0.07193484162443524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237159899760821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576744457535467,0.06685646980385594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482773947205738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987814682311685,0.2488255924792657,0.07443348272050694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816966476138141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034359457908837,0.15297604619023208,0.0,0.0,0.06776814438039605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031368018875725,0.0,0.07432169797505836,0.0,0.0731296317927429,0.11786543400997496,0.0,0.0,0.07262298470661865,0.12072745670424005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593526400682511,0.2844726547075481,0.05956210680697119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057262202448853834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129892100935773,0.0,0.0,0.08308440987587891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673826539752922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061530838910911274,0.3138551789505139,0.0,0.04202080410128258,0.0,0.05714661542296984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867544306268186,0.15451938904945964,0.05186555113767651,0.0,0.07260242158876555,0.10121757331072974,0.0,0.0,0.09175595618047172
bpd,pjmcm,2018/12/28,"What was the year leading up to your diagnosis like? I don't have BPD and I understand asking for a diagnosis is against the rules, and I'd like to preface this by saying that's not what I'm asking for. 


I've had a pretty rough year in terms of my mental health and it's been getting exponentially worse recently. Reading about BPD describes my life to a T, and I'm curious if you all had a more steady buildup causing you to seek treatment or was it a certain events or chain of events that made your mental health spiral?",5.976729559748428,5.711026547169813,6.550943396226419,79.56182389937108,66.54716981132076,9.330817610062894,32.76100628930818,8.841846274778883,2.509715723270441,418,16,85,6,6,137,69,106,0.03,0.843,0.127,0.8343,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,0,8,3,0,3,2,14,15,7,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,2,8,3,13,9,3,9,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,8,53,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34410577902182177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635847722228236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890601421610056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615349017687697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912525852462449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299931463688397,0.1798256436933894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414343503294166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709387847767113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723520605115745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840901602259275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817176490441235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635627816224403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159250143151696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187552846068842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703191090362125
bpd,ckcxn,2018/12/28,Am I emotionally unavailable? Whenever I’m with my boyfriend I don’t want to be with him- I get angry and irritated and try to push him away. As soon as he grows distant and we head towards a breakup I can’t bear the thought of losing him and do everything I can to get him back. It’s so emotionally manipulative I know but does anyone else feel like this? I’m confused because with BPD I feel like I should be way overly invested and want to share everything but I feel the complete opposite...,2.3124242424242425,4.670593424242425,4.123525252525255,83.13195454545458,79.40404040404042,8.000404040404039,28.081818181818186,8.841846274778883,2.4505830303030307,395,18,80,10,10,133,64,99,0.09300000000000001,0.78,0.127,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,8,1,1,1,0,21,19,10,0,3,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,15,3,13,15,0,8,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229564985909814,0.19386158431191647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776313608456246,0.1454859924209327,0.0,0.11533683998165875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382954792947553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198376515107946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557346244507098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805544147340614,0.4256574687336124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34008823197363475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870012781932431,0.27033437042238284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977022835991624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941776161282722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398142397581392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487077454221185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116705816497467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020663035257706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845691557171252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231945285565062,0.1501811171590734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smnk_x,2018/12/28,Paranoia Paranoia under conditions of stress are said to be a possible symptom of BPD but do any of you experience a lot of paranoia without stress as well? I’m not sure if it’s part of BPD or something apart from that.,4.743333333333332,5.7012854545454585,5.684545454545457,80.43015151515155,69.45454545454545,8.593939393939394,35.12121212121212,8.841846274778883,3.0227212121212133,176,9,34,3,3,58,35,44,0.32299999999999995,0.677,0.0,-0.9147,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,10,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706035314274105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5447294909014048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153822071803527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838516893689684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341823545171736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437942527694111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570737987372548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648314061461034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954371853748298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381713714970592,0.2247710405756415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443860460276136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084614472368255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wzexrctvybunim,2018/12/28,"In need of some advice I have a long distance casual relationship with a man who is considerably older than me. I’m 20 he is 28. I met him when I was 19 and he was 27. The relationship is mostly sexual but has become more romantic. This person has on and off been my fp. Recently in conversation he said he would be down to hook up with an 18 year old. He said he likes relationships where he is older and can “take care of/provide for” the girl. Even though I met him around that age, I find that really disgusting. An 18 year old isn’t emotionally mature enough to navigate a relationship with someone so much older. Multiple times when we have argued he calls me out for being “immature” or says “I will understand when I’m older”  which then shuts down any possibility for me to continue defending my opinions. He got offended and called me a hypocrite for harshly criticizing him for that, and maybe I am? I just think it’s gross that he can’t see himself in a relationship with someone his own age- that to me seems immature. I also feel foolish for thinking that maybe I was some sort of exception? Like maybe I thought of myself as mature enough to be in this relationship without fully realizing how creepy it was for him to entertain it. I am aware of how stupid it is for me to continue this thing with him but I keep compulsively backtracking in arguments with him because I can’t let it end. Even though I fundamentally disagree with him and I am disgusted by some of the things he says I am so attached to him and the thought of him disliking me terrifies me. Also I weirdly feel like I am being unfair to call him out on this because of my own age. Anyone have any advice on how to stop caring/feeling indebted to someone so much? ",5.436246334310851,6.1546025219941365,6.718929618768332,74.49839442815251,67.7683284457478,10.54017595307918,31.33577712609971,10.537671172512404,3.3288580645161296,1384,54,265,37,22,470,166,341,0.149,0.77,0.081,-0.9805,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,0,18,13,5,0,11,0,31,0,0,3,0,48,51,25,0,2,6,0,2,3,0,2,0,4,0,3,19,18,0,2,11,2,0,0,4,7,0,0,12,7,44,6,53,32,11,39,0,0,1,0,45,17,0,8,25,197,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710709715070789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999899139931254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904984110670425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120457305882882,0.0,0.0,0.07792224594238956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671767448967888,0.0966724751106725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681405920257427,0.0,0.08924494601843716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846198144417252,0.07752757815275603,0.18088839259475095,0.0,0.1156284297020294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277678228924458,0.0625330452756809,0.0,0.0,0.08000287586087293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000752354591035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780267121387202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950763949237385,0.0,0.1282914839485888,0.0,0.0,0.07746327238368904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381368177976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286925267778309,0.06490404220343918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837007096131181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642977022863573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867944158530227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056075390326632384,0.0,0.08642752085373262,0.563861166095069,0.0,0.0,0.16652639793862942,0.13921829111789402,0.0,0.0,0.06975185745656905,0.0796860581187315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224973327925226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318086684302147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581334625374773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630505329136255,0.11217424197149713,0.17199995045390912,0.1389816322929164,0.05104074941105073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911241423163609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437794973309118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218038742846595,0.0,0.0,0.11273577734680315
bpd,pieforpirates,2018/12/28,"To have or not to have a second child I'm wondering if any of you had be diagnosed with BPD and had a second child. I would like another one, but I'm not sure I'd I would be able to handle two by myself (partner works out of town frequently). Any advise would be greatly appreciated!",3.6673728813559294,4.31746383050848,5.762500000000002,80.01968220338985,71.71186440677965,9.289830508474578,26.614406779661017,9.516144504307137,2.164928813559322,222,7,47,5,4,78,40,59,0.042,0.8390000000000001,0.11900000000000001,0.6693,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,13,13,4,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,4,3,8,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,34,4,2,0.245667234079355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341242869247539,0.2576035150529379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30940928133372303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24934707133589334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708489928540126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002060143986425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647047573016147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23153846076749926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23998119085027025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26641563589646805,0.17884867229240695,0.0,0.0,0.5235448636580615,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,desertsurfer37,2018/12/28,Can’t tell if I’m bisexual or just have mommy issues I’m definitely sexually attracted to men but once and a while if a blonde blue eyed female that is 10-20 years older than I am and/or is an authority figure I obsess over them and am mildly sexually interested. But the idea of actually having sex with them doesn’t turn me on much. Anyone else kinda have this issue? Thoughts?,3.9739999999999998,5.743607666666668,6.434333333333335,71.19550000000002,72.33333333333334,9.266666666666666,24.5,9.725611199111238,2.3938,305,9,56,8,6,109,61,75,0.034,0.84,0.125,0.6818,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,9,2,1,0,0,13,13,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,5,2,6,12,1,5,0,0,3,1,4,2,0,4,3,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.265718219510797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039326013959465,0.2789958633733135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274654594990463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30738510996929874,0.0,0.5684052912561847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016633156873925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28998264567007176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379956630575654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616984441944131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961760694998659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534745453414358
bpd,savvytom,2018/12/28,Tonight I feel really really sad. Is it normal to feel this way? I know it will pass but I feel so low it just really hurts right now,-1.0763793103448265,1.0018005862068975,1.8857758620689644,94.45556034482763,94.86206896551724,7.037931034482759,10.698275862068963,8.07648339933343,-0.032800000000000384,103,1,25,3,4,36,21,29,0.314,0.6859999999999999,0.0,-0.8894,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854962724178938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426311419793901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589675578716912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135911123909555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6151164196459907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733297244332765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540489471938585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,p1xeldream,2018/12/28,"DAE ignore/avoid other people when you're upset, in attempt to make others notice you're upset? i do this a lot more than i'd like to admit... i close myself off to other people in hopes that they'll recognize i'm upset and talk to me about it. i guess when i do this it's to see if they truly ""care"" about me. i know it's bad to do this b/c no one can read my mind and tell that [x] is upsetting me, but i can't stop myself from doing this; it's become a habit of mine. ",2.0155674232309764,1.9913039345794383,4.487316421895862,90.11626168224302,75.07476635514018,6.861949265687584,18.089452603471294,6.1826913282559595,-0.2832472630173566,359,3,88,2,7,128,69,107,0.11599999999999999,0.8009999999999999,0.083,-0.3041,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,0,4,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,16,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,15,3,14,15,2,7,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,4,4,61,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340936568405786,0.0,0.2822822378594818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26059395966527704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815643559720057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253861385437728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046715396386528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486976306979652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729591325725733,0.0,0.0,0.1706102217230104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580759317462992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909941702199545,0.0,0.0,0.1731963397380313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35439182011581183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25566203149631755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367442123680746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368707936044426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054358627490645,0.22339942922971592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kveach,2018/12/28,"Tips on coping with anticipation anxiety? I have 13 month old boy/girl twins & my Aunt & cousin are coming tomorrow to stay through New Years to give us a break & spend quality time together as well. They came & stayed when my twins were 3 or 4 weeks old, as well. I’m truly so excited they are coming, but that voice in my head is screaming “Don’t let anyone in, being vulnerable is not safe, they will judge you, it’s going to suck to have to pretend everything is roses for 4 days, they’re going to think you’re a bad mom because the twins haven’t met all their milestones yet, your house is a mess, etc etc etc. They’ll be here tomorrow afternoon & I’m trying to pull together some coping techniques for the anxiety to get me through the next 24 hours. I’ll be fine for the most part when they get here, it’s the anticipation that gets me. ",4.810803993694169,5.259539034682081,5.549416710457172,83.28800315291645,69.05780346820809,9.2966894377299,27.287966368891226,9.339509955726095,1.9862184971098271,675,20,144,13,11,220,108,173,0.145,0.7859999999999999,0.068,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,6,0,8,9,1,0,8,0,17,1,1,0,1,12,31,7,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,1,6,3,4,2,0,3,2,15,5,19,22,7,28,0,0,0,0,14,3,1,3,16,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6051076294906054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089279512820926,0.0,0.0,0.0780997668927903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932606903703942,0.06808825782489725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774936640351106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243076840120635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203405854984897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737084744345268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003842970967327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506814033241286,0.10714805722970977,0.12695772705353026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463133195662553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999711216981624,0.1288810762079165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421574287854487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081587735595518,0.0891539128816667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078757627275346,0.11878893897685583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23441030435805185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095484044343195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23810409583834005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156966964648752,0.0,0.0,0.0651302742885707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583359825211704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435537683531254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959502132161272,0.0,0.2008545045527404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192794174709759
bpd,mxpiggy,2018/12/28,"Advice on rationalising and staying calm in the moment? Apologies if this is the wrong place to post

So basically I am seeing my friend soon after a week or so of not seeing him, so I sent a message saying I was looking forward to it and he responded with a thumbs up, which now I type this out doesn't sound like a big deal at all, however after not hearing anything after that I just felt like he hated me and I'm forcing myself on him and he doesn't really want to see me at all. I guess my subconscious wanted some sort of reciprocation? 
I don't know why I felt this way, as just a few minutes before we'd made another plan too which he seems happy about. I went into a real panic and ended up self harming over it! I know this is ridiculous and obsessive and I wish I wasn't like this and I am desperate to change, but have real trouble with responding reasonably to situations like this. I hate how I'm totally lucid now and can see how dumb it is to be so sad over something which ultimately probably had no thought behind it whatsoever
Have been very on edge recently anyway but even so I feel like such an idiot to blow up over such a small thing, does anyone know some advice on how to cope with this?  Thank you

tl;dr, Self harmed over an emoji and want to not do that lmao",3.7731336963097375,4.933948091954028,5.3198588425085696,81.38865698729585,71.91187739463601,8.253357531760434,25.614236741278482,8.6894789155246,1.74091877394636,1016,31,204,18,19,344,149,261,0.225,0.733,0.042,-0.9936,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,1,19,21,5,2,11,0,18,0,0,5,3,50,45,23,0,5,9,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,0,2,17,15,0,0,9,0,0,3,8,12,0,0,10,11,24,9,36,33,6,35,0,1,5,0,19,20,1,7,16,147,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393912218808285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015067354136333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011936942863129,0.0,0.0942923655897688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750202413957884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121403180721085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813044219339695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027269543135288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148687205051476,0.0,0.0,0.07568124743591413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057936804066105074,0.08185839563203834,0.22003604405031876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852684171092312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622652066708392,0.0,0.0,0.12197614771696502,0.0,0.22625474772319995,0.0,0.0,0.12914380649515042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188916101098704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798982789282933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622118776771277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084215726995855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344389180226825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971525314089745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973921239926676,0.0,0.12354027278207938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608419631954456,0.0734050527419875,0.11781080720403615,0.1131372726908038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112130956763777,0.0,0.0,0.36523250186057415,0.10431241343011176,0.2390709278069056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879652951844492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821189049740419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221306463252917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549298935776152,0.0,0.0,0.07612411185444216,0.0,0.0,0.09096641137229622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945432956473956,0.2027527538537368,0.0909509603655715,0.0919118826831613,0.0,0.0,0.1062199490919966,0.10339368580616284,0.0,0.13176524190074554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527894771204834,0.0,0.0
bpd,PM_ME_HOW_TOBE_HAPPY,2018/12/28,"I got some Philips hues for Christmas, I might've just ordered hues for almost 450ish dollars. So I got the 2+1M LED strip from Philips hue and the bridge as a Christmas present from my mother, I never expected It to be as strong, and great as It is... Also, It syncs to your music! (With a particular app) I currently have 4m LED around my sofa and I ordered 4 E14  and 3 E27 lamps, and another 4m LED. 

But hey, at least I'm changing It currently from drugs to lights. That's gotta be an improvement right? ",1.8137902388369649,3.3066345327102837,3.6036760124610616,90.40142263759087,77.50467289719626,6.9985462097611615,25.907580477673932,7.793537801064563,1.29618670820353,393,15,89,6,9,132,70,107,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.8932,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,3,1,16,8,11,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,2,14,3,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,4,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864302020024538,0.0,0.0,0.22874804956992664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29994045673306396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546384313096882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30259499169760906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33171843772465504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575485667799272,0.31536281873183397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034458440304247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206135768460172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427869542337216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mpr-dev,2018/12/28,"Trying to leave my uBPD ex on the kindest terms that I could. I think I've finally hit the 'acceptance' stage. Check my other posts for the backstory, but the short version is that after three and a half rollercoaster years with a woman who I thought was the love of my life, it came to a drawn out ugly end. I only realized after the fact that the issues I'd been begging her to take seriously were all textbook traits of BPD. I'd maintained No Contact for weeks while I worked through my anger and grief. This morning, I sent a series of texts in the hopes of giving myself whatever closure I could.

​

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I’m not supposed to engage with you. Even after I said we should never talk again, I was advised that it was very important that we don’t.

But I still think about you and us nonstop. I obsess over everything. I re-read our texts and emails, trying to find what was true and where it ended.

I know it’s not the same for you. I know you’ve moved on more completely than I have, and I know why, so I’ll continue to try to put it all behind me.

I know I won’t get the kind of closure I need from you, and that’s okay. I shouldn’t have said anything, but seeing as I have ...

I want to say I don’t hate you. I don’t even really blame you for anything. You were just dealing with your feelings and fears the only way you knew how. 

The love was very real on my end, and I know it was for you, even if it was a little different from what I felt.

I don’t regret falling in love with you, and I don’t regret how long we let it go on even after the damage was too much to overcome. There was probably no way to really end it that wouldn’t have been ugly. And we had some really good moments, almost up to the end.

I’ll say one more time that I’m truly sorry for the things I did that hurt you. Much more so than you’ll ever know.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have approached everything with a lot more ... kindness? Compassion? I would’ve done things differently, in any case. Who knows if it would have made a difference in the end, but ...

Anyway, the bad stuff is fading (slowly) and I’m starting to be able to appreciate some of the best times of my life that I shared with you.

I’ll leave you with that. If you don’t have anything to say (and maybe that’s for the best) ... I’m going to go ahead and block again. 

Like I said before, it’s not out of spite. I miss our friendship, but I don’t think we could ever be in each other’s lives without causing more pain and damage.

I know the girl I fell in love with is still there. You’re a good person with a big heart and a lot of passion. I hope everything works out for you and I want nothing but happiness for you and everyone you love. I mean that.",2.3114280125195603,3.614722764084509,3.625624413145541,91.55020500782476,75.76056338028171,6.739029733959312,21.777151799687015,7.3011,0.5058404851330196,2102,52,475,24,45,688,240,568,0.134,0.701,0.166,0.9798,2,0,0,0,0,0,79.0,8,19,0,5,22,36,3,2,30,1,46,10,1,4,7,107,95,35,1,19,15,1,2,1,0,7,3,6,0,3,35,37,0,1,21,0,1,10,17,15,0,3,26,9,78,21,71,55,19,65,0,7,1,6,53,19,0,11,33,336,113,4,0.06401530010230891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410207606152102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936055091554183,0.0777855964480685,0.04353259924774712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803741258141402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345010166455633,0.0,0.0,0.054472305437424734,0.0,0.1343602160544224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062502951704177,0.0,0.0,0.07321644944650714,0.0,0.06576134703104784,0.0,0.0,0.06711882421521892,0.0,0.0,0.15333302447794778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599696350308569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006470909344678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550987764213702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401913308575357,0.0,0.0,0.16912600789960336,0.11581100777526933,0.0,0.06116936256317398,0.17259847200472886,0.0,0.0,0.07203500992791242,0.032368059176281404,0.0,0.06146472703783695,0.07012563221893063,0.05850882455856572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03344535216938094,0.06140930899548391,0.10914411084393577,0.10738599308094984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814547731857637,0.0,0.06320185572251476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585843884288887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716327436575395,0.0,0.0,0.06852970275545019,0.0,0.0,0.06681534160970404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332416823353718,0.31663021312350564,0.0,0.0,0.13556591945738786,0.0,0.06545998152388806,0.09043179923919717,0.0312746420922813,0.06416014812527092,0.056526682805004634,0.0566515261465277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884703787637608,0.28888153833258845,0.06057282478200746,0.0,0.0,0.06431197319391319,0.06973142853970599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068038133114182,0.09411722254006076,0.047466533890939744,0.04937254585697096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142440695035663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337842407831288,0.09737304073541396,0.06811679272310166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055895690864105216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130896203465326,0.0,0.06901932069814838,0.0,0.0,0.06435305774735009,0.0,0.0,0.06403262355165698,0.07286342624917934,0.12302952135294265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267962926054607,0.15272260808209115,0.0,0.0,0.051011906092696235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165988745472243,0.045310358897355664,0.0,0.1022454027072762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328220309077962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813153887454078,0.051453073365765656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505784179724762,0.12305525844309595,0.0,0.05082099770282317,0.0746556725741259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303865600844247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700252402706806,0.0,0.0,0.10563865361796428,0.07551576515915294,0.10162473110851916,0.051349212398694895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776385139934957,0.0,0.0,0.061708464907314436,0.0,0.0932078017860508,0.0,0.0,0.1364238975119787,0.0,0.0777855964480685,0.0412237544418298
bpd,MikeIV,2018/12/28,"This person I’m obsessed with, who’s kinda my ex, is very much my best friend, and who hasn’t been talking to me I honestly don’t even know if I have BPD. My therapist seems to think so but we haven’t reached a diagnosis and I’ve only done some rudimentary research. I don’t know.

Basically what’s happening is, there’s this person, let’s call him Elliot. We dated and broke up but only because we can’t do long distance and he’s in love with me and I’m in love with him to a point where it’s kinda obsessive? And Elliot and I still text most days if not every day. He’s going through some trouble right now with abusive parents, which was always a point of relatability for us, so he hasn’t been able to parse out the time to talk as much. We’ve had a few “how are you” or “hawks won” texts over the past few days but that’s it. I get it, I’m familiar with shitty family, I really do get it. He also has PTSD, which makes everything harder for him. I get it.

But that’s all in my logical brain. In my emotional brain, I’m freaking out and I’m afraid he’ll leave me and we haven’t texted or really talked in so long, we usually talk constantly every day and what if he wants to leave me and what did I do wrong because I know I did something wrong even though logically I couldn’t have done anything. I’m trying not to be needy or do anything that’ll make his life harder right now and I don’t know what to do because I am trying SO HARD to hold myself back right now and be considerate of his feelings but last night I broke down sobbing myself to sleep and I don’t feel safe without knowing he loves me and I KNOW he loves me and I trust that he loves me but what if we’re drifting away because we haven’t talked in two days and what if he’s realizing I’m just another stressor and I can’t DO this to him I can’t freak out on him but I’m going to and I need to do something to get myself under control before I hurt him but I don’t know how.",1.0845380352031206,2.8269112256532054,3.166793349168646,91.58509348925028,80.44893111638956,6.31319812412449,21.00864851696205,7.321109707123232,0.4857695474754862,1530,43,352,21,39,519,176,421,0.162,0.743,0.095,-0.9843,1,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,7,1,0,3,18,23,0,3,6,0,40,9,3,5,1,84,77,44,0,8,20,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,22,33,0,3,15,0,0,3,17,12,0,1,9,3,53,11,41,62,9,43,0,4,0,5,44,21,1,14,19,226,75,1,0.077558888649494,0.0918946005263243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202381523174569,0.06453520846940737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813272572330722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764871382587842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728691289686911,0.05963799794697493,0.0,0.18911671458061444,0.0,0.06599690175864803,0.0,0.08139326863447012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768270517642813,0.17316273999467552,0.07919629691473729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381360533012322,0.08698888858656964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500953344607701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873934191883055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872433105896635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245382895538176,0.0,0.130693417549274,0.0,0.06970492809215541,0.0,0.07311561765441929,0.0,0.07843220897008325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599218049774573,0.0,0.16208527277712906,0.0,0.08815700752959553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685850690905843,0.0,0.06947753011168284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302839441037281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29837035803115675,0.06322084589631052,0.0,0.16424732892070884,0.0,0.07930921841958298,0.05478213674197332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727435163781926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499996255367652,0.0,0.1035423208563554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402941439496488,0.05750893318849014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278376301434401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797405951062975,0.0,0.0,0.08611996736961026,0.0,0.07403873518711925,0.0,0.13544285996588845,0.0,0.0,0.14663643804407558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906621903788162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937242015542533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870460139629997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060669931835836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761490075131725,0.0,0.0,0.11941724333369205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193862866238666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116944840898848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005184757288298,0.0,0.04969660415593132,0.07620121431014149,0.0,0.04522521168358057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531478858769172,0.0,0.0757637644632611,0.0,0.0932937934712572,0.0,0.08542015841016347,0.06399420575974653,0.04574624200698572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476400096271651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959693867981213,0.0,0.0
bpd,tumblrsuxxnow,2018/12/28,"First-time poster So I'm new to this (Reddit) and just wanted to vent about this sub being the most damn comforting thing to know that other people feel this way too. 
I was diagnosed about 2 years ago but have always struggled to articulate what's going on for me (which is especially fun in therapy sessions when I literally end up just saying ""I don't know"" over and over.....) So reading all you guys putting it all into words is just so helpful, so thanks basically.

My mum died last week and I don't really think I've made any progress on the bpd side of things, still feel everyone hates me, no sense of identity except that I'm the worst(/best) (ew I hate myself) person, splitting alllll the time etc ... Plus a load of other shit and it's all just really hard atm. I'm objectively high functioning with a good job and stuff and am just so blank most of the time it's hard to put anything into words or I just feel like I'm faking everything but this really helps. Anyways, glad I found this sub. X
",4.375132806891603,5.459800874371863,5.311360373295049,82.29996231155779,70.4070351758794,8.901794687724337,25.269562096195266,9.23628265651192,1.8456989231873653,790,22,161,16,14,259,127,199,0.149,0.693,0.158,0.6211,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,17,12,4,1,7,0,8,2,1,1,3,36,25,16,1,1,10,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,17,10,0,0,7,1,1,3,3,6,0,0,3,6,12,6,23,21,6,24,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,3,11,98,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119217561762099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190672732247467,0.0,0.0,0.09145803542549813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067408124937568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113930263788332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938586101387096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650485269044854,0.1395797279665204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911851243535235,0.0,0.14999226747831376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851127258493356,0.12087123550145976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040070536072228,0.0960799177373355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439740493735515,0.0,0.14746170372566916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643395316415863,0.1128041069119951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331665700100386,0.0,0.0,0.2409538359493429,0.2655627120600255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029206486439728,0.14209641636453027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346089909440398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478247349191677,0.10962756812304106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570518126237691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725800091116835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989159757700613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323866004934124,0.1174317675379006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27039985376020753,0.0,0.0,0.13452672375123806,0.0,0.2584738452726738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695210747509874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805238979239245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740415027458218,0.0,0.0,0.14059849259915067,0.15395924989895754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382062537507547,0.15380141188343793,0.0,0.17869879682664885,0.08617597218682754,0.0,0.0,0.15684478448302505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932588042588372,0.10675216295878157,0.10788002939829756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660736228168184
bpd,purplegiraffezz_,2018/12/28,"BPD: my story. Any advice? so hi. 
Heres some basic information about me; im a 22 year old girl. Its my first time being completely single (3-4 months now!). Ive always been in a relationship or a flirtationship ever since i was grade 10. (I dont know if this was my way of coping because im scared of being alone, or what really.). And im just now aware of bpd. 

I was bullied during my middle school years, now knowing about bpd and looking back. It might just be me making myself feel bullied because i wasnt the popular kid if that makes sense? I dont really know. But through out highschool i was always the outsider, having girls pront pictures of me and placing the cut or drawn on pictures in my bag. And ever since i can remember ive always felt like i suck. As if i wasnt good enough. So I take that im suffering from depression. Not long then I started realizing about my temper, how it fluctuate so easily and how hard it was for me to keep cool headed. I was way more impatient and impulsive and conveniently just got familiar about bipolar disorders; so i was “half-bipolar” since then. 
During high-school my depression got worst, i was smoking so much, drinking, drugs and suicidal thoughts. My family and friends didn’t really know about how empty and lost i was feeling. I was having a lot of sex with my then boyfriend. A lot now that i have the chance to look back. But back then I didn’t think much of it. Somewhere along high school i just kept wanting to die alot, for no other reason than just feeling not good enough and “lonely”. From time to time in whatever situation i’m at i’d think of “oh i can die this way, or this way” and i’d somehow stop myself. 
I self harmed a few times, and I realized that most of it was because of arguments i had with my then relationships. And the rest just to feel something. This was when my family realized that i had issues. Ofcourse being the asian parents that they are, they didnt think it was serious. That i was just weak, or getting influenced. So a teenager like me wouldnt really stand up for my diorder, but i bended myself to believe i was at fault. Long story short, i thought that i was suffering from PMDD (pms on steroids) because of the mood-swings, depression and all. 

Fast forward to now, this week i came across a chapter on a book im reading about narcissist (reading this book just to tryna figure out my identity and figuring out how to have people like me better). It freaked me out because I thought “thats so me”. But after doing more research Learned that if u consider yourself as a narcissist, then you’re probably not. Much relief for me because i was freaking out about being a narcissist after reading all the details of behaviors. With more and more research i finally wounded up about bpd. And then checking on all the 9 criteria. It shocked me, relating on all 9 criteria so much and so deeply. I checked so many websites to make sure its right. And yeah it is. 
Theres a description on this website ( https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm ) with the subtitle “Recognizing borderline personality disorder” and i honestly couldn’t say it better; fully describes how i feel, think and all :/

So I signed up for reddit, joined this group and realizing that I relate to a lot of the posts.. im sorry im ranting but I’m scared. What if i stay the same; depressed, empty, moody, impulsive, sensitive, transient, self hating. Oh fuck meeeee. Part of me is glad that I figured this out. Finally feeling like i know whats wrong with me, and feeling not so much alone or weird. Is it just me, but before knowing what bpd was; ive always felt like i had this weird thing about myself that i cant always control; and it made me hate myself but not so much. Blah. 

This is a super long post, and i don’t know why I’m posting all this information about me that i never even tell people. I just felt like telling someone about it. But hey, if you guys have any tips or advice please do let me know. I need all the help i can get. 

Sorry for the spam😭",3.48840579710145,5.604801267515924,4.510141235114928,82.99046616818981,74.54140127388536,7.5570940644327536,26.7908243330564,8.411683812788059,1.9272156374042275,3205,121,613,59,69,1042,317,785,0.16,0.764,0.076,-0.9954,1,4,3,0,0,0,120.0,0,1,2,6,54,46,6,2,29,2,58,9,1,12,11,151,108,75,3,10,36,1,11,7,1,2,5,1,0,7,47,39,1,4,37,6,2,2,18,28,0,1,39,15,88,18,77,60,31,77,0,8,2,2,23,28,2,21,46,431,135,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419171378228833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983152287197804,0.0,0.0,0.20051161395164144,0.0,0.0,0.06554886817186031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111775556767092,0.0,0.1762763237238171,0.0,0.04101062226740168,0.05429956160695705,0.0,0.08524959381265383,0.0,0.0,0.30350125667251643,0.0,0.0,0.05512254581294202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053182024918183,0.0,0.054055089803021365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604205057194665,0.0,0.10003815570032228,0.0,0.1104719023082649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296898741658762,0.0472130132994542,0.05589120846222026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959718794908433,0.0,0.03183251915751913,0.08719075603904215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086841647320934,0.0,0.1705828248728326,0.03443070820637785,0.1388250423628583,0.10559111794880774,0.0,0.04099486928926002,0.0,0.0,0.03723554354866966,0.04455574751553256,0.050360075396270965,0.0,0.0,0.08084780630611857,0.07709231510584287,0.0,0.0,0.0477208913458316,0.0,0.0,0.043173492505788516,0.09516569606595343,0.049462248035102505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03230427139957478,0.10184189088076116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644141091841821,0.050303336978654654,0.0,0.042838167538969456,0.0,0.0,0.21189486558892906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928292559585455,0.0,0.14127463742485938,0.0,0.0,0.1279538834097628,0.08094377158803145,0.0,0.05261082690787799,0.12292167697220548,0.0,0.04560352672530207,0.0965121444229086,0.04886243595289562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856949325082482,0.05112756180220696,0.0,0.0,0.0384690021217017,0.0,0.21257439894193844,0.03573617962581648,0.037171160872678674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057282515276439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351514021661244,0.05219077731141628,0.0,0.06682505924888099,0.042082247960600484,0.050353795929194166,0.052903930140361065,0.0,0.0,0.13847322947426755,0.0,0.05196264904844166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462492726424336,0.0,0.12350048799851925,0.04955276114417783,0.0,0.10348735985983523,0.05459584213833391,0.041158494482358816,0.0,0.03832681054743802,0.09650373952691838,0.14632854896428293,0.0,0.0,0.1005563484648352,0.0,0.0,0.11960286811104145,0.05417349914573795,0.0,0.0,0.04083569312994875,0.03710307096295396,0.0,0.10790131067634412,0.034112857875539665,0.051369741786591414,0.0,0.04029340105625341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527177994319561,0.0,0.04542346855792077,0.0,0.03623684263189635,0.0,0.08424957488896563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032018793704578025,0.12352632361226985,0.0,0.11478497504225535,0.1124121905056289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02842681703396476,0.15302063781036024,0.0386593359047484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348873196069086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269395838717583,0.0,0.0620723433048047
bpd,ch0dey,2018/12/28,"anyone else grow up with a critically ill sibling? When I was \~2 years old, my 1 year old baby brother was diagnosed with leukemia. The next few years consisted of me being shuffled between my two aunts' houses while my parents took turns going to the research hospital he was in, which was a 90 minute drive from home. 

At Christmas this year, my aunt told a story about how I would cry for hours after my mom left, and my family shared a laugh at how 3-year-old me fell asleep on the floor behind my aunt's couch. My dad would go down to the hospital for the work week (his family's business paid him even though he was away) and my mom would go down on the weekends (she works a regular blue collar job). This went on until my brother's cancer went into remission when I was just about to begin kindergarten. 

As a kid, I craved attention and was convinced that my parents loved my brother more than they loved me. My brother was very well-behaved in comparison to me, so not only did I have this feeling, but I was being scolded and punished more frequently because of the way I chose to act. My mother insists that ""yes, your brother got more attention, but it was attention like 'take your medicine' or 'you're too sick to do that'""

My parents otherwise were generally quite supportive, and still are.  They know about my BPD diagnosis but I haven't explained all of this to them, for fear that they'll deny it or be offended by it. I don't blame them for the decisions they made. I'm a father to two young boys. If I had to go through what my parents had, I don't know that I would do anything different than they did. 

I'm just wondering if anyone else had a similiar experience. ",7.230064171122997,6.3369486303030325,7.320588235294122,77.15205882352943,64.21212121212122,10.67379679144385,34.86631016042781,9.916854025145753,3.1961016042780743,1328,51,261,24,17,429,183,330,0.077,0.8590000000000001,0.065,-0.7842,6,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,7,3,14,10,2,1,16,1,31,7,1,3,1,36,55,21,0,6,10,17,1,1,0,5,4,0,2,2,14,8,0,0,9,1,1,11,4,3,0,2,23,2,45,7,43,24,5,45,0,0,1,2,38,14,0,5,20,180,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003954208328866,0.19055556005289748,0.07652167091857909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873658235941463,0.0,0.0,0.05668496988571613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171158501470436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214357900386414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438144232551776,0.0,0.09715326524564506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553600383297885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141807424997892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909606656947817,0.17532269822293675,0.10463799490795812,0.04701781556853565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113901916332132,0.0,0.0743714550181149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327511869039408,0.0,0.0915750114637506,0.10729632622518134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227680849672544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220817368813304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010323546378383,0.0,0.0,0.04542951883084693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678516319622836,0.0879880343938757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781418133992456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889440035278804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927275891889316,0.0,0.0,0.07072199858680521,0.0,0.0,0.4130112152365503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890479160991852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742607930404442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552232857918302,0.0,0.0,0.06991583293604664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136079902835073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885456467367399,0.1033137240434369,0.0,0.1011448630732839,0.1816726444958524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672530975161926,0.0,0.0738099995189659,0.0745898227942121,0.0,0.08360789294434927,0.17240267414158353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084213878777196,0.1353935745747928,0.0,0.0,0.2642256518965388,0.0,0.0,0.2994079553600271
bpd,leddlelee,2018/12/28,DAE have trouble making female friends as a female? I find that I get so jealous and manipulative that I can’t have female friendships. But I don’t have this issue with men. ,3.4922549019607843,5.626768029411769,4.794705882352943,80.87284313725492,74.58823529411767,5.7098039215686285,26.03921568627451,6.42735559955562,1.091992156862745,139,5,25,1,3,46,25,34,0.18600000000000005,0.652,0.162,-0.2183,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.507752579748618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292080517926944,0.0,0.2902461974365205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5798383803652344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708265950063523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fishingforworth,2018/12/28,"Just broke up with a BPD girlfriend. Hurting a lot right now. I loved her, I still love her, but she fucked me over and the strain on my mental health was too much. She lied to me, emotionally abused me and made me feel worthless, I almost ended up losing my family and friends but I got out yesterday. She's now going through the stage of slandering me on Facebook. Any advice with coping and how to deal with the sadness?",3.3385714285714267,5.223287228915666,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,74.30120481927709,6.670567986230638,23.9053356282272,7.447530270364453,0.963056454388985,332,10,67,4,7,104,59,83,0.289,0.622,0.08900000000000001,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,1,5,0,1,4,0,2,0,16,8,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,3,1,16,3,13,5,2,14,0,5,0,3,10,7,1,2,5,49,16,0,0.0,0.2448910378713768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019727550842752,0.0,0.0,0.20696780052003974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055467265333954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603158283046952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308586580137784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249575878527576,0.18306388765525486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484669816773725,0.0,0.10450747349255968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968634640130047,0.19107937883690204,0.0,0.0,0.11746534043299445,0.0,0.16530697502480346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196992802769963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126337742907554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123058378180136,0.0,0.17571842759643438,0.3730873024590318,0.1955728283181656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082925126002072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519391861932567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651010246903684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650610043526612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TOPIATEool,2018/12/28,"DAE feel like if their partner left they'd kill themselves? Firstly. I *know* how manipulative this sounds. I know how horrible it is.

It is why I haven't said anything and why I'll continue to never repeat this.

There are only 3 really important things to me. My family, my boyfriend and getting high. 

My family is a mess. Dad's dead my mum won't have anything to do with me. My family views me as a disappointment I think. Our relationship has deteriorated rapidly. So that reason has dwindled. It barely matters anymore.

Drugs. I find the only way to get through the day is to get high on anything I can get a hold on. It disgusts me. But that's become a very important part of my life.

My boyfriend. I love him so much. We've been together 8 months. We practically live together. We spend no more than 2 days a week apart. His family treat me like one of their own.

But when I go home to that fucking house I sleep 15 hours a day just to get through it. I get high too. I hurt myself sometimes. I can't seem to cope alone. Before my boyfriend I'd sext random redditors for attention.

If my boyfriend left me in a non amicable way. I don't think I could survive the heartbreak. I barely survived the end of my previous boyfriends and friends relationships.

I can't tell him this. I know it'd be abusive to tell him my plan to end my life should he leave me.",0.5906753095975219,3.087889658088237,2.5155495356037183,89.77635448916409,91.75735294117644,5.951393188854487,22.59907120743033,7.3759095455046575,1.1495573529411764,1065,42,222,21,38,353,152,272,0.14400000000000002,0.775,0.081,-0.9524,0,1,1,0,0,3,36.0,3,0,3,4,8,12,3,0,11,0,21,6,1,4,1,30,38,13,2,4,5,2,1,2,2,2,3,2,1,1,13,6,0,1,10,0,1,1,7,7,0,2,2,4,47,5,22,30,4,25,0,3,1,2,21,9,1,4,15,135,60,0,0.0,0.11557986954093027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103156842520553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674260997117977,0.0,0.0,0.24082407899748506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773544496972208,0.0830071979385233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788511128818477,0.0,0.0,0.18873352273721894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312612068153152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279930238984795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678428765782172,0.0,0.04932381461287475,0.06968917936956287,0.0,0.0,0.08915821612988822,0.08297531325834949,0.0,0.0,0.07536628226560077,0.09018267826334553,0.3057926348467038,0.0,0.05543946744983482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091983074404262,0.0978498172798497,0.0,0.09606632792257112,0.1125586980037193,0.10442845324078412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792375433553322,0.0,0.16083149386955833,0.0,0.0,0.10329053470156656,0.21197501712069247,0.0,0.13780379220424133,0.09531523902885494,0.0,0.08613774487281864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804197597512936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786285350153696,0.0,0.07170989788362643,0.0,0.07523596906296391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610187332471296,0.1483811489397193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563629477765052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062492525631255263,0.10029684080079528,0.0,0.2094627023216048,0.0,0.0,0.09279164291896054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880514251317538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976196648322088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647866890656567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705246288009541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480736452763516,0.12501119743862166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048831934329106,0.0,0.15486005416577175,0.07824809696116385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604598917904513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,orangesandapples28,2018/12/28,"Husband recently diagnosed My husband was diagnosed with bpd a few weeks ago. I found out last night after he drank too much that he's been taking drugs on nights out too. I can't have that around our son and he doesn't think it's a problem.

 I'm so afraid that ending our marriage will mean he will hurt himself or try to kill himself again. I want to be there for him but not as his wife anymore, but I know he will be devastated. I don't know what to do anymore, guess I just wanted to see if anyone knows how is the best way to proceed",5.587894736842107,4.5108902456140365,6.000701754385967,85.88157894736844,67.59649122807018,9.003508771929825,30.403508771929822,7.793537801064563,1.7060982456140348,424,13,96,4,6,137,81,114,0.09300000000000001,0.831,0.076,-0.4536,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,3,0,13,4,0,1,0,22,26,8,1,4,6,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,1,13,1,13,17,3,15,0,1,1,0,16,4,0,3,10,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498690384951238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33534107577340017,0.11821663748251587,0.0,0.0,0.15050682391887235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742697692829784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129358774798228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34320196991547397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606580295237844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974452305340782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537490136159404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862480314160765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099134322274946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704926345879788,0.0,0.2787469047430486,0.13781340588012356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416517814589267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428481259219587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31731869865296713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177573668751344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693476305206334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347257179418536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711848325634684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833227841712392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478642447001774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944198239735986,0.1341987185733036,0.13561656554436047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hawaiian45,2018/12/28,"Losing my essence? (may be triggering) Hi guys I'm back again with a puzzle in my mind I can't seem to fix.

I've been having it really good lately with a great SO, very stable, caring and loving, we're living together now, things are great. He undestands I can be a bit crazy and I know to control and let go of unrealistic emotions, I can talk to him and he understands. Really it's great. I also have a stable job, pay is not that great but I like it, like my colleagues and I'm able to express myself safely witch is great too! I got my life together and go the stability and clear mind I longed for all those years of therapy and hard work!

..... But man am I bored with my life! Things are not as exciting as they used to be, my emotions never get the best of me anymore they are just.... There, when I used to ride them and feel crazy stuff and do stupid crazy stuff too but it feels like I enjoyed it way more than what I have now?!?

It's insane and I know it's not true because I was suffering like a mad dog but I miss living an exciting life! Nowadays I just go to work, go back to my SO  and go to sleep. Repeat. I don't drink don't smoke don't do drugs don't cut I eat good I work out. I make sure to spend my money in a reasonable fashion and tidy my place and fill it with cushions and blankets.
 I feel like I'm living a lie, and that deep down I know I'm not that person and that I'm gonna mess things up and hurt and burn everything and everyone. And if I don't well this lifestyle is going to be the death of me anyway, better dead than to keep being like that. Nothing is bad, nothing is good, everything is bland.

I want to take my life and turn it upside down. I want to feel things again. But then I know it's going to suck big times.

I can't find balance, anyone can relate/have an advice?

Thank you for your time and good day to you, take care",0.4600024574553032,2.4265698211586937,2.3938981384776064,95.14587208945134,83.78589420654913,5.58601707931437,17.743380229772068,6.807656815369643,-0.14954108250906195,1437,32,336,17,41,478,189,397,0.165,0.626,0.21,0.9633,1,0,3,0,0,0,51.0,0,3,3,7,17,40,4,0,12,0,34,9,1,6,5,71,74,36,2,3,12,0,5,6,0,2,5,0,0,3,24,28,2,4,12,1,3,9,12,12,1,0,3,5,47,28,36,63,4,35,0,4,0,1,16,9,1,4,22,208,71,5,0.07425627768360579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256237514255784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938271843552535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364227420510316,0.05192171590083069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419698794443142,0.062000890179019885,0.045265937654074884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792738218067499,0.0656736432387501,0.08106862302319284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141844803983456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328472956161555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047889156037344456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274288246976918,0.0861137073050929,0.07598271017037521,0.0,0.16705663554464514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095505550955589,0.13347350861919902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501848205933285,0.10609739922854763,0.0,0.0,0.06786889253691912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879584027484645,0.0,0.2954108769092874,0.2491305706231055,0.059389528703642065,0.4093390414693215,0.0,0.07352538946211644,0.0,0.0,0.06651903938515064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949288106516479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368789766936668,0.06600239147505461,0.0,0.0,0.1632372329819202,0.0,0.08376431560290164,0.0,0.0,0.07593207494822345,0.2097976197878268,0.2176671986804664,0.0,0.19670896089809006,0.06571446904120481,0.0,0.0830737807077329,0.0,0.0,0.06701918976809794,0.0,0.04956664196325289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995534475032496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727101910390892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250180228060744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483771747517401,0.07758200553630958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514094584955543,0.07634782082433073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760012633240695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430990467928678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700113445778896,0.0,0.0,0.06998566292984915,0.0,0.1116629590205813,0.05968438322427594,0.0,0.06836520384552182,0.08491852502997332,0.0,0.197330285402718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865988653409546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076950689284765,0.0,0.0773034038569191,0.0,0.1282671644685761,0.0,0.061269205835488026,0.08759655298321052,0.058941176880023635,0.0,0.0,0.06676531145800517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217836362499155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781860824054595
bpd,Guacamole_Goddess,2018/12/28,"Only certain people and situations trigger symptoms? Like I’ll be a normal person unless I’m around my family or feeling overly stressed. 

Anyone else have this?",5.440952380952382,8.748427857142858,6.592857142857145,64.41880952380957,74.0,6.590476190476192,30.76190476190476,7.793537801064563,3.0951761904761907,132,6,15,2,3,44,27,28,0.08,0.703,0.21600000000000005,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228067215984686,0.3110689389071873,0.0,0.270263902159011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536146531668333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28620233220911834,0.0,0.1535067462169895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832117429533656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974586255788992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308976662941365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047453614073933,0.2650874303389497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34125348280962026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347767029106692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315551433431754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eelyeel,2018/12/28,"How do I stop caring I have a very hard time with caring too much and I end up making everything about me and my feelings and whenever I try to explain my feelings to someone they always end up treating me like I’m crazy because I always come up with these really bad assumptions and stuff. Like this is just an example but, “if you decide to go to the race with your friend today instead of with me tomorrow then I can never go to a race ever again because now they’re ruined and I’m not allowed to go anymore because you picked them and not me and if you go with them, you’ll have a better time with them because they’re more fun and you’ll be thinking about it the whole time and now we can never go together ever again since you know I’m less fun.” 

Stuff like this feels logical and it feels real 

When something sets me off I don’t know how to stop thinking about it and it turns into an all day bad thing for me and I can’t handle it 

I don’t want to be me anymore I don’t want to feel this way ",2.6448831775700943,3.693054925233647,4.07297897196262,89.68367406542058,74.51401869158876,6.845327102803737,24.12266355140187,7.1686216300943375,0.8198514018691592,790,23,174,8,16,262,103,214,0.086,0.7709999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.9117,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,7,4,1,15,13,0,0,7,0,14,0,0,5,5,54,39,19,0,4,6,0,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,12,21,0,2,12,0,0,6,8,3,0,0,0,6,31,10,25,35,5,33,0,1,0,0,14,5,0,2,23,124,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252600373612527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22946596188803545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319194112907173,0.2820931872806381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023180359320515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359064830771237,0.0,0.0,0.09965633305077247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461021113708334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493326647007148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092957047736984,0.0,0.0,0.10397433869496488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924806496202187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938148587862813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287452842322164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363514381610428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715994001561534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695602616018415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722369588953783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504515590214683,0.0,0.17845387895524606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316800746492159,0.07411371012762963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569961966704804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802340938216036,0.08906349410461313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344334548542325,0.0,0.0,0.2648737911514708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685901922220488,0.14825842860542066,0.0,0.0,0.2023785809343349,0.0,0.10966019872378813,0.0,0.0,0.07854563370131068,0.12583704665862466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545602307174564,0.13647342851190608,0.09182900714010148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916328939943084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pisces-witch,2018/12/28,"Idealization + Identity Disturbance Time Kids! I’ve had a new FP this month. Anyway, he showed me all his favorite songs tonight; a genre of music I’ve never listened to and am not into. So naturally I downloaded all of them and having been listening on repeat for hours!!! ",4.9855882352941165,6.896814568627455,6.272696078431372,72.7996323529412,69.98039215686275,9.805882352941175,30.39705882352941,10.125756701596842,3.4497411764705888,217,9,37,6,4,73,44,51,0.05,0.8140000000000001,0.135,0.6562,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,3,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,4,1,6,4,2,9,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283192205194661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282087486731992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137621307062857,0.5181303195411804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128225374792963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway_15674,2018/12/28,"Think I may have BPD, not sure what describes this.. Basically totally socially isolated at this point.. my anger wells up when it feels like I've been left or betrayed. Traced it down to feeling disrespected or a loss of power. Had a narcissistic mother growing up, which explains this. Had to cut off most of my family to save my sanity. Brother is last family left, but he still has toxic elements from her. Says that I take more than I give, when I've been nothing but there for him over the last year. Asked him to be there for me over a tense situation w/girlfriend.. he's always distracted and forgets to call..

I'm basically at my wits end, wondering if I am the crazy one, or if I have just self-isolated and attracted toxic people. Girlfriend is loving, but similar to my brother in that she is never really there when I need her. She left over Christmas to be with her family.. I was alone for the day.

Cheerily she comes back expecting me to be around. I feel like a knife went through my heart as she's emailing me when it's convenient, but she forgot about me on Christmas. I find myself so angry I want to cut these last two people out of my life, but I'm too weak to do it..

Leaves me boiling with feelings of injustice and rage. I've given so much constantly. Feel like I'm 'on call' for these people.. and convenience for them. Found myself seriously thinking about taking my life out of sheer pain, isolation and exasperation tonight. Have no one to reach out to, so here I am..",3.865571492604212,5.541731848797253,5.077681159420294,81.1930434782609,72.43642611683849,8.909666816076498,27.08516360376513,9.43228470229965,2.389721828776334,1172,42,230,28,23,388,161,291,0.18600000000000005,0.718,0.096,-0.9834,1,2,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,1,2,19,17,4,1,7,0,19,7,1,0,3,46,43,23,0,5,12,3,5,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,13,12,1,1,11,0,0,3,3,9,1,3,9,6,37,8,46,30,4,38,0,1,0,1,26,20,0,8,18,163,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291197716565216,0.0,0.0,0.09071348257399256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705103037265986,0.1019191060304186,0.0,0.0,0.08382975147706058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373070388081716,0.0,0.2226434862608489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391118972146373,0.0,0.1178120317095094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030896560967519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965594773485446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30832343143936725,0.0,0.2756192701004505,0.2336520105246435,0.0,0.0,0.0996424248450713,0.0,0.0,0.11953494674813198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045820438632354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291893803763041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26659787293846005,0.0,0.11543657767012995,0.3553520745924964,0.0,0.15400828554121218,0.15978518784550166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839492483264872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014234044462529,0.08083704589125205,0.08408304605467984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460775616979888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774972472039274,0.0,0.11600510608113535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674249616563524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305926239882914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984108766285217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669718407309421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137317732424356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254319522644465,0.0,0.11113229452338187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870636175985379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027501834500473,0.0,0.16393914187024727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139711396058254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106496826931862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643028979923965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802219073477833,0.10106275384275362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182276817924048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020539012350298
bpd,xxv3n0mPriNceSSxx,2018/12/28,"I’m tired and exhausted. I don’t know who I am anymore. I always end up putting more than others in a “friendship”. It’s a lie they don’t see me as a friend now matter how much effort I put into them and switch up my personality. Everyone else makes friends so easily and I do all this elaborate stuff. Why do I keep doing this. The thing is I’ve done this since I was so young. I just wanted friends but no one wanted to be around me. I’m tired I’m not going to stop because I can’t control it. I literally can’t do anything to stop myself. I see someone living a lifestyle I would want and I want to be befriend them, I want to be someone and maybe finally people will se worth in wanting to be around me. I just want this to stop. I just want to rest. ",1.0074074074074062,2.728723691358028,3.2627407407407425,90.90633333333336,80.60493827160494,6.048395061728398,22.528395061728396,7.0316486544052195,0.603414320987655,586,19,133,7,15,201,92,162,0.068,0.7490000000000001,0.183,0.8592,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,2,9,4,0,0,5,0,18,3,0,3,1,32,35,10,0,9,5,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,10,8,0,5,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,2,2,24,3,17,27,4,17,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,0,7,94,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937554704177824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844273006022292,0.0,0.0,0.09828093118843344,0.21263651136719505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280358044826574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395119648439002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221862541680364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976866065018916,0.0,0.1057797651606298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412073536349432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083001655263718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768145772174145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787497132648658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615510616953933,0.0,0.0,0.06563574974615427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545911121280442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972062863912008,0.0,0.11998375274855705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877949858930495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092903779427102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827979074139614,0.10428189992129368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401208044446209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903409155058536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879394857369636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023857503135729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995471454165736,0.0,0.0,0.13671907888756596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793441606025295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745350392290133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635445125065112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776723710850017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483983295364017,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,olliegoboom,2018/12/28,"i'm not bpd but i have some strong charactaristics and for fucking once i think it's served me well gonna preface this by saying that the way i went about this was defs not the best most thought out thing but for some dumb reason it's working out okay and i am kinda shocked. i tend to end things in a firey mess full of like,,, seethingly rude texts, blocking, what have you. anyways, i've started to notice thar my now former friendgroup is a bunch of annoying oversensitive people who kinda have been dicks to me for really no reason, and i was fed up with it. it kinda all went down when the oldest of the group got in a verbal fight with my dad and literally everything we did to stop her and my dad from going for eachother's throat was futile and met with shut up's and rude glares. keep in mind this all happened at a funeral for a dearly beloved pet of mine.  so i quietly seethed for a week or two and the major brealing point for me was when these ""friends"" of mine started calling my dad a nazi fascist and acting like my house was to never be set foot in because of my 'evil' parents put for nothing but blood and malice (quite opposite the case may i add) and as soon as i stepped in to defend my parents i was met with rude remarks about how i was an apologist and rude and blah blah blah, so i pretty much split on them all. i went from uwu i wuvv u!! to completely emotionally unattatched. i left the groupchat we were in, unfollowed them all and moved accounts. this came with some trouble as they quickly found my new account and are pm-ing me things like 'we're your best friends! you'll never find friends ad good as us :,(' and bullshit like that, and the fact that i split on them is like really helping me out rn because i really don't feel guilty about being a bitch here. they came for my family and if they really expect me to not be pissed about that then??? sucks to suck i guess. lmao, i guess im sharing this to give some of you some hope. bpd fucking sucks dick and balls but when stuff like this works out for the better it kinda makes you feek great. i know it's not the best for me but it helped me and i'm glad for that. anyways, thanks for staying around for my 2 am rambles :).",4.480020735734584,4.969509612472162,4.7449351048306605,88.62022271714923,69.80178173719375,7.7966669226633885,27.286767529375624,7.6298220110432995,1.2820691344750779,1732,53,376,18,29,544,230,449,0.188,0.645,0.16699999999999998,-0.8876,3,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,3,5,6,8,18,41,15,0,19,1,24,9,6,4,7,82,58,38,1,3,11,5,1,9,3,3,0,2,1,0,25,35,1,3,8,1,2,10,8,18,1,1,21,3,55,23,64,31,17,51,0,0,0,4,34,21,10,16,23,251,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802143480143179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985680119028776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836852623132837,0.07969233316071365,0.0,0.0,0.22697326454922154,0.0,0.0920093378786004,0.20611684298440072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447549189184187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135826489885134,0.0798080709743682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098237582420613,0.0,0.08494487534197029,0.0,0.04556081468974907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235618017472067,0.0,0.0,0.09879769211629888,0.2088493710660041,0.16660496860715426,0.0,0.08643886036327415,0.051209893695468266,0.07557748990123286,0.07206681210759773,0.09934330321791113,0.19852607370206346,0.0,0.07968133664351214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079366686703916,0.0,0.0,0.08949659828485022,0.0,0.10397139843535698,0.0,0.0,0.09733103969434108,0.0,0.0,0.08009125596568631,0.0,0.0,0.04952045947769397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790153650617424,0.0,0.0,0.2641304191445846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014713285561491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098239951169187,0.0,0.0,0.09576949787966416,0.06623902458760604,0.0,0.138992171282172,0.0870259175208035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646011202746581,0.10258743491257327,0.0,0.0959610312382762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010635558718906,0.0,0.0,0.0624688593455302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518025525762402,0.0,0.0,0.09167122930334487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058243877946894,0.0,0.09583990298101568,0.0,0.0,0.2308994470218305,0.1852900394487946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716567157339492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275564193704375,0.09604208990915394,0.0,0.07533350008001022,0.0,0.0,0.10315097537643417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295843405018803,0.0,0.0,0.17958929265401224,0.05773693747480326,0.0,0.07153490563262431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802146154585784,0.0,0.10838764563341508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152275514442424,0.07227841304355517,0.0,0.08101702877891724,0.2505903196565662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311979615980483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,necrowise117,2018/12/28,"BPD is such a tiring and draining experience. Is there any benefits? I've been dealing with mental illness since I was 15 (now 21). First diagnosed with social anxiety. Then Major depressive disorder. Then after trying to OD on my meds I went on a 1 1/2 year journey in different hospitals and different diagnoses until I was diagnosed with BPD. Since my suicide attempt. I've flunked my first year of college, denied entry to jobcore, 3 different hospitals, applied for over 2 dozen jobs and none wanted me, went to a homeless shelter, and back living at my moms. All the while having strong suicidal thoughts and very strong emotions. I can't go too long without tearing up or being pissed off or insecure because of a movie or tv show. All the while binge eating and gaining weight because of it.

Now I don't see why life is so important to go on. As I'm being kicked from my moms by the end of january. I don't know what to do for a job. No idea where I'll be living. Keep trying to get better by losing weight and having better hygiene, but always end up messing up and failing. Don't even get me started on dating and relationships, just too messy. I don't know what's coming but I'm scared and the only guarantee is BPD.",3.4354971109782824,5.537112916317994,4.894596533173941,80.24149232914925,74.64853556485356,7.732297270372584,28.95417413827456,8.563005593585519,2.464757162781431,973,42,174,19,21,325,144,239,0.14800000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.066,-0.9566,6,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,10,11,13,1,2,9,0,18,10,1,0,2,29,34,22,3,1,7,2,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,14,3,1,4,2,0,6,8,8,0,3,6,3,14,5,33,25,4,36,0,4,1,0,5,12,1,3,18,114,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046775673655994,0.0,0.0,0.0657639010835825,0.0,0.07398039327859564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743615155954374,0.0,0.11790306519970604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710585098193265,0.0,0.0,0.3653962702188557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330429562313157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970040509029207,0.0832933755690415,0.29446592378675396,0.0,0.3031138886476163,0.1108343051304548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895514039419943,0.0,0.1087820688880104,0.17130693946303602,0.0,0.0,0.06387389132723513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945977506880793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645174114558187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105056301624704,0.0,0.10992134068765516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917014104435492,0.0,0.0,0.1919330395790112,0.0859573960986905,0.0,0.0,0.10629499310478983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830683215274272,0.0,0.0,0.1707876506714104,0.0855824238872445,0.0,0.10819010817826494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741938989084024,0.0,0.09745765072411078,0.0,0.0,0.22652353591893676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354983540826374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382684990653987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682031982313563,0.0,0.07706275307093427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999363339414446,0.0,0.0,0.09858034536364553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844953005514663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156296020840412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677435125977229,0.0,0.1111501743132788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313150602566642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797931904731621,0.05704014228411355,0.0,0.0,0.2355255187194449,0.0,0.1792962382347573,0.0872627932923205,0.0,0.0,0.09322184873659634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455194296934564
bpd,siriuslittlepup,2018/12/28,"Woah, life Hey Reddit, this is my first post on this sub. Am I drunk? Yes. Did I just have an in-depth convo about my gender with my siblings? Yes. Am I hella fucking depressed and being like: this is why you don’t fucking tell anyone anything ever because YOU’RE TOO FUCKING MUCH! Yes. Even though they were accepting and it was good, my mind says keep everything to yourself you dumb cunt. And my brain says fucking punch yourself. But I won’t because it has been a little over a year since I’ve self harmed and I’m not about to break that streak. Anyway, true to my drunk form I don’t know where I was going with this, but I hope all of you stay strong and I believe in you. ",0.4242028985507247,2.8368067826086967,1.4231884057971025,98.51420289855074,89.86956521739133,3.646376811594204,17.81159420289855,5.033348758259628,-0.6982057971014486,528,14,114,2,18,164,91,138,0.086,0.759,0.155,0.8679,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,1,2,9,14,6,0,3,3,15,8,1,0,3,19,24,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,7,2,1,2,2,0,1,4,8,0,1,5,2,19,6,11,17,3,12,0,1,0,4,10,5,6,1,4,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329323315434325,0.0,0.13333463600149986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754063746229247,0.0,0.0,0.1825492463281736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087601679799803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395538485655555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701748244294736,0.14656294020310745,0.0,0.0,0.14561966096040774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378203114464479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5991663938227266,0.0,0.0,0.09208383036255176,0.13590078512325565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092963643892272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401728056156107,0.0,0.0,0.08904594915070332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444465115158226,0.07915833886428594,0.16239388869413945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360135196597658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191086851259326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517733433485054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577011737310632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902977742841446,0.0,0.0,0.1340306304889282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726995093458299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161897393181894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919096821883044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620440770142276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434024836274138
bpd,mermanappolis,2018/12/28,"Anyone else sick of reading upsetting article after upsetting article about bpd written by men I feel like a piece of human garbage warmed up extra hot. I can feel an extreme frustration and anger at my situation. I know I'm in an irrational headspace but I have so much anger directed toward the world right now. In efforts to try and make me feel better about my situation I tried finding some articles for my partner and family to better understanding my disorder. And shit 90% of articles I read, written by professors of psychology mind you, went on about how we will never be able to function 'normally', that we end up with no one because no one wants to put up with an adult that behaves like a 2 year old. 

Can someone make me feel better about this
Is there hope for us
I'm in DBT but in these beginning stages it's so hard to implement skills when all I want to do is stay true to my reactions and scream at anyone and everyone ",6.200309690309691,6.576495274725279,7.006683316683319,74.29740759240762,66.03296703296704,11.233566433566434,34.67732267732268,11.022393298168332,3.9604109890109904,748,33,140,21,11,249,117,182,0.17600000000000002,0.695,0.128,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,1,0,5,10,15,4,2,6,0,8,2,1,3,3,31,25,12,0,4,2,0,7,2,1,1,1,1,0,4,5,10,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,7,0,2,3,8,18,8,33,20,5,25,0,0,0,0,8,13,1,2,10,94,23,3,0.135257148059746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891498856174205,0.13858693213747098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245150204576124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588718677098879,0.0,0.0,0.17035164308031706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501640980623124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298999138575863,0.0,0.11979768673244655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292440012888277,0.0,0.0,0.1275084016128187,0.0,0.2735603123263345,0.0966277335995386,0.0,0.0,0.12362258293676567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116383745014705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434086695807368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433379129362623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215962087909305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057039323769572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365711620616482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994295667108332,0.0,0.10431865092236063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252328728683554,0.0,0.0,0.14192962418740365,0.0,0.18330748801557814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597079207501472,0.0,0.0,0.2705875011298452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550886541052185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388395187858838,0.0,0.30406940294301266,0.0,0.0,0.1146029426249872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416612329549386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366145004037776,0.0,0.0,0.14080746122972002,0.16269769534248638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595563406350126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538473133476466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710116877068386
bpd,Nebukk_Nez,2018/12/28,"My fiancé has BPD I feel lost and alone. She is going to DBT therapy and I’ve had a session with her therapist. She doesn’t use any of the skills she is supposed to be learning and it feels like i can’t do anything right. Tonight is her birthday and when I got home she was still at her parents house. After about an hour after she said she was about to leave (they live 5 minutes away) i decided to take a shower. I was still in the shower when she got home and she decided that I masturbated in the shower and didn’t want to fuck her. She went on and on and then demanded I leave. Several times. I tried to reason with her to no avail. A few weeks ago she had a similar episode where she insisted that I didn’t want to fuck her, that time because I wanted to take a shower after work, and that she “would just find someone else to fuck her because sometimes a girl just needs to get fucked.” 

I’m at a loss. I’ve tried to be as absolutely supportive as possible. But I find myself less and less able to trust her. She picks my biggest weaknesses and assaults them. 

I left and now she just isn’t responding to me. She said she was going to sleep, and maybe she is, she hasn’t given me any reason to not trust that, but i can’t help but to think that she was trying to get me out of the house so that she could have someone over. 

Please talk me off a ledge. I love this woman. 

( i should mention we are in our 30s and she has a 3 year old son that I love to death.)",2.0504854368932044,3.40291407443366,3.3980375404530747,92.71484271844662,76.54045307443366,6.756297734627832,22.392362459546924,7.404127859558343,0.5862845566343039,1135,31,263,14,25,371,150,309,0.078,0.8290000000000001,0.09300000000000001,0.8868,5,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,2,4,12,14,5,0,14,0,28,8,1,4,0,44,57,23,1,7,7,2,2,1,0,2,1,2,6,2,10,18,0,0,10,0,0,3,9,8,0,0,16,4,56,6,41,36,3,35,0,2,0,6,45,15,4,0,18,182,66,3,0.10035452602597733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895823227641414,0.0,0.0,0.10393702362140594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364890380019919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258322415960262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428638067039294,0.0,0.0,0.12235037521680255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639301245299212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012492310963967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383332928318407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148452734971547,0.07169329344474064,0.0,0.0,0.1834444374244259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37110456887890986,0.10486219573651763,0.0,0.11406757962304545,0.0,0.16052536404679002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726552341259273,0.0,0.2013275440239273,0.0,0.09882899325572547,0.23159129835479386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212521906023702,0.1090354861606046,0.0,0.0,0.04902815231338371,0.0,0.08861488506108557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954881988684356,0.0,0.18114775568146704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081960995817832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441160946068012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053051936159442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143182499439096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015913367795284,0.0,0.1131346495496766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063623335548241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570221689837022,0.19092027041185566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337204962919273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042700086449123,0.0,0.1700601284781291,0.0,0.09925319229827764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028650823514293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138811268793414,0.0,0.0,0.1509082285933461,0.08066116665779735,0.0,0.0,0.11476414649437153,0.1165193395405774,0.0,0.06430312813928696,0.0,0.0,0.11703506231093552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440240718262456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866740893597333,0.0,0.0,0.17757509863870347,0.0,0.08049834748634414,0.0,0.0,0.0930296510350541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305929016354791,0.0,0.0,0.07128897597684011,0.0,0.0,0.0646250245083502
bpd,lord_amplebottom,2018/12/28,"When does it get better? When does life become worthwhile? Male, almost 52. diagnosed some 10 years ago, medicated, CBT, clean and sober for some 16 years. I know holidays and family is hard but for the past year or so i just stopped caring about anything. Everything just seems pointless and if anything good in life were to develop i would just destroy it anyways. Have people tell me ""you are so much better than you used to be"" but i feel like a piece of shit. DAE ever get like this?",3.0831182795698955,5.48755688172043,3.5389247311827963,88.09505376344086,76.95698924731181,6.713978494623658,23.23655913978495,7.793537801064563,1.1727333333333334,382,12,74,6,9,119,71,93,0.11800000000000001,0.65,0.23199999999999998,0.9025,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,10,8,2,0,2,0,6,5,1,1,1,20,13,11,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,6,8,10,4,10,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,6,11,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116986992736087,0.0,0.17076716502078593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806731863915235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834360803644745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016504580601311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387281243070998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309044507089524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984743967208129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425957075869526,0.0,0.0,0.15326675599336104,0.0,0.1607661586785986,0.0,0.08622812305569899,0.12183094883259098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819603744520146,0.0,0.0,0.14303750149820352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276675474896706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372212289650056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409092330954396,0.1666305460064344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717970735670182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536357837592965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279590368386515,0.11822818638068558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552495648746148,0.0,0.0,0.1750527480986611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257572783432176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905597622246702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728834509515376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114387786155408,0.0,0.0,0.329458768423729
bpd,somethinghere11,2018/12/28,"Ever feel like you just want to pour out every emotion in a rant? Like.. everything? 

Like I want to write a biography on myself and how I feel right now.. but I don’t know where t starts, and I don’t even have anyone to tell. 

I’m too tired anyway..",0.6660377358490557,2.3757137169811315,2.7930566037735858,93.9175094339623,81.64150943396227,5.749433962264153,16.260377358490565,6.742157984588678,-0.414755471698113,189,3,45,2,5,64,39,53,0.114,0.76,0.126,-0.4784,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,13,10,4,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,6,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923359952748557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30941778124318603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816817600167904,0.2488174111508544,0.2317591286246809,0.0,0.2472160220218179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27816826199624245,0.19651073277000405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117179356830932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031572971977556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490907773254244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946966254025398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404241236885913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161535781803709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244879316556423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderline-adhd-gurl,2018/12/28,"I believe my adhd led to my borderline/having parents who weren't there emotionally for me I know another person with ADHD who have BPD too. I think it's a possibility that ADHD could lead to BPD in some cases especially if the parents don't know how to handle the ADHD or that it even exists. Like in my case my parents were old school Jamaicans and a child acting hyperactive needed a good spanking to straighten them out... so yeah, the feeling of being unloved and ""invalidated"" was strong. Made a video on it. I am 27 btw. Would love to get some feedback. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVM31ob15tw&t=23s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVM31ob15tw&t=23s)",7.872477064220184,11.26162675229358,5.873844036697246,72.36416055045872,65.88073394495413,7.295779816513763,27.413761467889906,8.238735603445708,2.109498348623854,552,18,80,8,10,159,78,109,0.026000000000000002,0.812,0.161,0.9324,3,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,7,1,9,1,0,4,0,19,17,6,0,4,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,1,10,4,12,10,2,8,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,4,2,56,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6207790671514815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798347005605417,0.0,0.0,0.1354089505866493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549054094168462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252811676778473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031035183171011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525911157676918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529222510648438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529436421540169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746753007236743,0.0,0.0,0.10831202615012152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193806406969667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308867208745472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654907250549924,0.12219033774413908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575171421426537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550510300035662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43016627399552426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275540425441345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557992643790196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069117020457144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274427597120831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917335574896949,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princessbb420,2018/12/28,"I wanna run away and take on a new identity I’m new to BPD but BPD is not new to me however. It’s always been there since I was real young, but I was only diagnosed at 21. I struggle every day with my identity and have discussed with my SO that I want to run away and restart my entire life. Since I was young I’ve always held this idea in my head that I will never be happy with who I am and that I’d be more content being someone else and restarting entirely . One of my biggest fears is what people hold or have to hold against me and my name. I wanna run away from any ideology any one has of me and start fresh somewhere across the world. I live in my hometown and have a lot of anxiety and fear even being at the grocery store. My SO supports the thought of running away together bc he knows how much I want this. What do you guys think? Does anyone else struggle with this? And has anyone successfully restarted their life/how is that going? ",2.6583653846153834,4.235567871794873,3.928253205128208,88.60622596153847,75.41025641025641,6.7211538461538485,25.00801282051281,7.413659706084162,1.0858782051282057,745,25,157,9,16,244,111,195,0.1,0.812,0.087,-0.3867,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,5,7,0,4,5,0,19,3,1,1,1,34,30,16,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,14,0,3,4,0,1,5,2,4,0,2,6,0,24,3,26,19,3,25,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,2,8,110,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242776471907247,0.0,0.0,0.15726548120572065,0.0,0.08845705590031742,0.0,0.0,0.1617031412156224,0.11847716526454735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43455484028127456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29126526518811513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457214026010063,0.0,0.0,0.11736257642865545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011890754073559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318897786656195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637288915762969,0.0,0.09742372729153337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602330367525272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571550749419268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449242603840867,0.0,0.1230908729054819,0.0,0.0,0.11867030592141407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053281877862108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635475274616757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334655717103164,0.0,0.0,0.10210389599872384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830496045059536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500176045239563,0.0,0.08918141021581523,0.33503012341930205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670850935864436,0.0879422454226163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016366561678959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161288309665709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913015752639344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797339160170994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184389995923932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417643183842089,0.0,0.0,0.13121618029623727,0.0,0.0,0.0869397848173313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409138886091714,0.0,0.09179774234940644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364037910852174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,screamingpumpkin,2018/12/28,"What can family do to support someone with BPD? hi! I’m 27 years old and my mom has BPD. She’s not interested in therapy and she denies her diagnosis.

None of this matters right now, though. I can’t make her go see a professional, I can’t make her get help. And I don’t want to get into her behavior, her diagnosis, symptoms, etc. However, I do want to know what I *can* do to support her right now realistically. 

For those of you who have BPD, in what *specific* ways do you wish your family supported you? What could family have done better? What shouldn’t they have done at all? Practically speaking, what can your loved ones do to make life a little better especially on a “not good” day? Hopefully this isn’t a stupid or inappropriate question. 

PS. “Not good” isn’t meant to be trivializing at all. It’s just the term my family uses when our mom spirals(?) and has a lot of negative thoughts and emotions. A “not good” day can last a few hours or a few weeks. It’s just the vocab we invented for ourselves. 

Thank you. ",1.1488059701492546,3.687554169154232,3.5724656716417904,83.76992238805973,86.91044776119404,7.395104477611941,21.970348258706466,8.364918446050245,1.6459049154228853,792,28,163,21,25,273,110,201,0.114,0.743,0.14300000000000002,0.643,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,6,1,2,6,13,1,0,10,0,24,3,0,4,2,34,45,9,0,6,8,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,12,1,0,1,4,2,24,12,18,38,8,22,0,0,1,1,25,9,0,5,11,114,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348499399185847,0.0,0.0,0.3919403513836726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282153659367765,0.0,0.0,0.1337970770990008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123076387565513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668450331655715,0.0,0.0,0.1156885658743972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911570743029557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108391344970171,0.0,0.0589532685539995,0.2610163624990411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952935232381756,0.0,0.0,0.10302925104144647,0.10215509436739348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700837740196851,0.08455539975276452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326895750691763,0.0,0.10396668442245073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818921065391437,0.09362215209558326,0.0,0.20772568463487784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24297925704485884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884925199407723,0.0,0.07029146687890614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620354558868695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717306969006558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266094916383343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789176081082813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531414278274133,0.0,0.1078172341753338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550246033439402,0.11862654701733187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191613298258813,0.08235159650640532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895911157856351,0.0,0.0,0.12236760597703812,0.08233760876024479,0.08320752861064197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928664515706933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679998712587483
bpd,waterkrissandwich,2018/12/28,"How do y'all cope with/manage hyperfixation? Of all of my non-threatening but persistent BPD symptoms, hyperfixation is definitely the most annoying. I'm a person who finds a lot of comfort and happiness in media (movies and TV shows specifically) and we're in a fuckin Renaissance of new stuff lately, but I'm always stuck watching the same things. I'll try to venture into new things, but my mind always wants to snap back to things that are comfortable. Things I've seen a million times. I want to become more knowledgeable of different things, but I feel like I can't. ",7.7792834890965725,7.872912177570098,7.9070560747663565,70.13603582554519,62.73831775700936,11.619314641744547,33.72118380062305,11.20814326018867,3.8314996884735213,461,17,82,12,6,150,74,107,0.059000000000000004,0.752,0.18899999999999997,0.9367,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,2,0,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,19,11,8,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,6,4,12,9,5,8,0,0,2,1,3,3,1,2,6,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881369304414277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313592745469696,0.0,0.0,0.19122233467545116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806697068386668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808971050251887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754607165751027,0.12369306670065053,0.0,0.0,0.15824914677474206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843134556809938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531232909272295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458870032220438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471995976919075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482461017131284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344442922374267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118138937785947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820678676053585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996139637926192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751410574588627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096080869753456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755242073840337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424791464603456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ParanoidWizard,2018/12/28,"25(M) I May Have Burnt a Bridge I Needed; I need to vent/could use input ​

This year has been really tough. My dog died in June and a week later my dad revealed to the family he had been having affairs for over 30 years and then sort of just disappeared for a few months. I was already manic when this happened, as I always am in the summer, and I am just now getting the bearings on my life again after a horrendous crash.

​

While manic I bought property with cash and a shady loan I can't get out of so I am down $500/mo from that alone, and  at some point I attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital, they didn't help much, and I was released. I then realized  I should quit my job and find another one because the stress was what made me so overwhelmed and I couldn't go back after the hospital.

​

That was September and now I am out of savings and scrambling to figure out my next move. My roommates were really cool about me explaining to them I couldn't pay next month's rent and my mom paid the remaining $400 so I could stay here for the rest of the month. The plan was to move back with my mother at the end of the month. Then Christmas came around and I completely lost control of my emotions.

​

My mom has spent the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas complaining about our family and telling me they don't even want us there and they only invited us because a mutual family friend shamed them into inviting us (which is actually true and hurt a lot to hear daily) and that basically spoiled any idea of a nice family Christmas. So when I didn't feel up to going, this turned into a fight about her trying to push me into feeling better to fulfill her 'big happy family' agenda. I told her I would rather shoot myself than spend time with her and the family.

​

It got ugly because she wouldn't leave me alone and I eventually told her I hope she dies. Now in hindsight I see this was an overreaction, but we fight like this almost every time I visit her for more than a couple hours. We actually made an agreement not to talk about certain triggering subjects like this but she never honors it because of her 'ADD'. I think she's just never listening when we have serious conversations.

​

In summary, I have to leave my apartment in about 5 days. I have a few job leads but no income for at least 2-4 weeks and conveniently my identity was stolen on Christmas so I only have about $20 cash until I get a new card which will be mailed to my mom's house. I was going to move in with my mom soon but I think we are just going to fight every day and I'm not even sure where we stand or how to break the silence. My guess is she is very upset with me and when I do talk to her it will just be an opportunity for her to try to hurt me back as this is the pattern.

​

I'm not sure how to reconcile the situation and my other options are try to stay on a friend's couch or live in my car. I would appreciate any advice and sorry for the long post!",5.308601084637266,5.5215551792763184,5.995622332859174,81.34489687055478,67.93092105263158,9.204551920341393,28.60348506401137,9.068930737419137,2.115644150071123,2391,74,485,40,37,782,283,608,0.114,0.813,0.073,-0.9655,4,2,0,1,3,1,69.0,9,0,5,9,38,30,3,4,34,1,47,1,0,8,6,103,82,49,3,12,15,6,2,2,2,7,1,2,2,0,17,44,0,1,11,0,9,13,13,13,0,1,24,6,87,17,80,46,8,91,0,4,1,0,54,29,0,10,46,345,104,4,0.0,0.0,0.09305558827005993,0.0,0.0,0.0465913348536378,0.0,0.0,0.047743598357741286,0.09876206142352942,0.05261492582909495,0.0,0.0396727201259224,0.3616209866781189,0.4055461464132285,0.06484666524554471,0.0499955542306192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04244438926447743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099865480038976,0.0,0.11625862326372312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216817182711493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453203656304423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049990489894582935,0.0,0.05347601584948772,0.0761355511442609,0.05275587024938143,0.0,0.06149797881920255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896648066404544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053632420596013086,0.08445882600151508,0.0,0.0,0.06298301622288555,0.0,0.08034317235049407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696849212856689,0.0,0.04821583673667099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357771216998911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367330344761178,0.0,0.07473087732957172,0.0,0.10838822310517264,0.0,0.03813322556207581,0.0,0.05252375765651462,0.0,0.04216235316164911,0.050755147085597835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053737661145562506,0.0,0.031958206630770536,0.0,0.0,0.04735597245982361,0.04695417841625271,0.0550151265553473,0.1020826408427551,0.053823750374196455,0.0,0.0,0.09462803576175877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100970283760539,0.0,0.0,0.03367706451114336,0.046587069953957366,0.0,0.04210140148577187,0.04219438553124327,0.0,0.0,0.05204722485583744,0.04053495282907882,0.0,0.09022998303550987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336412016226165,0.15222758668391764,0.1520255894971227,0.035049526845169966,0.07070669996235904,0.07354591751543509,0.04604864355055245,0.10141424487555184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03230850206160393,0.07252400598198777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450720351321288,0.0,0.04566327081673991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071245045175565,0.0,0.0,0.06108873445307957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037993963777633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359315671283498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533727001558525,0.0,0.1016388701220994,0.0,0.0,0.054616095745079286,0.0,0.0,0.05215305141932862,0.0,0.08987372450563604,0.0,0.0,0.07664509544710749,0.041673518798068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061101513875844775,0.0,0.0,0.08340596745459451,0.0,0.0,0.09111859264003806,0.0,0.0971126668338137,0.05186102486605042,0.0,0.0,0.17205578066546448,0.04117931916327981,0.0,0.03934014121904687,0.028122290126577864,0.0,0.07649038294475066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773954053072545,0.0,0.4055461464132285,0.0614073832173533
bpd,athens5,2018/12/28,"Losing control because of sincerity I've recently come out of a mutual break-up, and was absolutely glad to be done with it. Ever since then, I've been extremely optimistic about life - who I am as a person, my future, my friends and family - however, I've just reached a conclusion, that I'm losing control of my life because all of a sudden, I am too sincere. 

I've been too honest with people, and I think, for me, it's always been that my words have been my strongest defense. I communicate in a highly stylized nature, it's my brand, however, since trying to be more genuine and honest with people, I've come to be more blunt and basic with communication, for lack of better words. I am no longer poetic, prophetic, etc etc, and I'm leaving my feelings and opinions out on an open platter, and feel so incredibly vulnerable. I'm freaking out because I have no more discipline, I feel the emotions reacting on its own, because I'm freely speaking without having much of a defense anymore. I'm reckless with it and do what I want, yet none of this is good, because I've given up so much power to the people around me, especially one particular love interest. I just act and I'm not thinking about the consequences, choosing to act upon emotions, and that's no good. 

I'm trying to reconstruct my personality and attempting to perform it. I am no one if not someone who needs to constantly redefine myself, and I feel that being genuine has made me lose some of that definition. I need to be strong again, to somehow be more seductive, alluring, and interesting, to not only others but myself. It's such an odd thing. Does anyone else feel this way?",8.611666666666665,7.222751270700643,9.33450955414013,65.4233354564756,61.77070063694269,12.194989384288748,40.0416135881104,11.20814326018867,4.6089705307855615,1305,60,225,30,15,446,159,314,0.07200000000000001,0.8109999999999999,0.11599999999999999,0.8558,3,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,11,14,19,2,0,11,0,22,3,0,4,2,62,44,20,0,5,8,0,5,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,19,26,0,5,10,0,0,4,9,6,0,2,8,6,25,13,39,30,13,24,0,3,0,1,7,11,0,4,8,166,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823650239661088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516643727683156,0.07414792573328474,0.10865387011142416,0.0,0.09440100006176906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232149906055149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378666203562762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269378887901305,0.0,0.11459511114906805,0.23787310704623976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279918734936116,0.108519091019107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858555174409379,0.2385688298375091,0.0,0.0,0.23653257289323545,0.0,0.09592221620709612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996816505911096,0.0,0.2680933384619385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192877367102762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788814109817716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120405455783588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228452015320613,0.0,0.0,0.14980300690331005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35590591039393665,0.0,0.0,0.09570819876448533,0.1003407138341994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590802191822298,0.15725949420364033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371533943430814,0.08065069154988652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055117099063487,0.18518580045571967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470494404747856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544019106488684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985012547943966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045044204102723,0.1358965016371481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399285004280335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254707295783844,0.08417221831188501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222193600341728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wolfie360,2018/12/28,"Why doesn’t anyone care about what’s going on in my life? I’m very thankful to have a steady full-time job, and I love my coworkers! I always ask everyone I’m working with how they’re doing, what their side-hustle is, what they plan on doing for the rest of the day after they’re done with their shift, etc.

Is it wrong of me to feel like shit when no one asks me the same questions? I don’t resent anyone for it, but it sure as hell makes me feel utterly worthless and uncared for.

Meanwhile, I just moved into a residence all by myself last month and I’m already freaking out at how much everything costs and how little I know about budgeting.

And the fact that no one cares to even ask me anything about my personal life is just the cherry on top of my sinking ship sundae right now.",6.7996428571428575,5.408445881987582,6.917135093167701,81.31495729813665,65.33540372670808,10.037577639751557,30.68400621118013,8.841846274778883,2.1805211180124218,621,17,130,8,8,200,105,161,0.146,0.7490000000000001,0.105,-0.8420000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,3,11,12,3,0,7,0,9,4,1,4,3,24,24,11,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,0,2,2,4,6,0,2,1,2,17,6,24,23,5,18,1,1,0,1,9,10,2,1,7,87,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899990664278866,0.0,0.12742935377928094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141658384824988,0.0,0.12602572688131136,0.0,0.4295112077289519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122841601393514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987662009913756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672105382330884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079775429025487,0.10115118185591856,0.0,0.0,0.14633712208973007,0.1376373324373051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548699685269803,0.10940720116990003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870361370718814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197331325215307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416478121579334,0.12483405150485193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634244156775612,0.0748191729715044,0.15349205935906612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821982500074464,0.0,0.10222583414902152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223930535226997,0.16276946783619928,0.11257958975268843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755075660146874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372077451064984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155804877606615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078545055450014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572016914428782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433785481736047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409958333481125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636110549559249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819002553557153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149177380746708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167440601893753,0.0,0.0
bpd,noethernormalization,2018/12/28,"Is anyone free to talk on reddit chat? Honestly, I just really want to have a conversation with someone that gets beyond small talk.",5.372499999999999,7.702931250000002,6.298333333333333,71.28,69.83333333333334,9.8,24.5,10.125756701596842,2.8551500000000005,106,3,17,3,2,35,22,24,0.0,0.7070000000000001,0.293,0.7841,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184142096126511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379186936149823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29172985280713304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858443294967397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7320388157769782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859654673407524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kappalightchain,2018/12/28,"New diagnosis and devastated I was recently diagnosed with BPD. On one hand I'm happy to know the name of this particular beast. In this sense, I'm relieved to have a framework to understand what's going on with me so that I can know how best to care for myself and work on the problems I'm experiencing. The title doesn't change how I've been feeling and acting for a long time - I've done what I've done, and I can only move forward. I shouldn't care. 

​

But on the other hand...I am just gutted by this. I spent time working in psychiatry, and the things that I've heard doctors and fellow nurses say about BPD and those with a diagnosis keep coming back to haunt me. I know I can be an exhausting person, but the way BPD can be portrayed and described...am I really that shitty to be around? 

​

How did all of you come to terms with your diagnosis? ",6.8059770114942495,5.8503009770114955,7.547701149425286,75.38408045977013,65.0919540229885,10.491954022988507,31.97701149425287,9.725611199111238,2.7384528735632183,686,22,138,12,9,230,98,174,0.079,0.833,0.08800000000000001,-0.3242,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,3,8,7,0,0,10,0,16,5,2,3,1,31,32,14,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,11,15,0,1,5,0,1,6,2,2,0,1,7,5,13,5,24,21,3,21,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,8,93,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663047017198805,0.2986520404866663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939904744762656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449559601940312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128966526314651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643307504038582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505911364811073,0.0,0.1300023868505563,0.21171943586279915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473178163383553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257841493358708,0.0,0.25152032668307545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213738378957717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984178926665907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081975828724285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923117033833096,0.0,0.0,0.2026130448032132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875467087046002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130613688223242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868889688328875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327412436011325,0.09346414577998896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073036840575094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759009347836498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872712359347211,0.0,0.12134004019402472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772785840159344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164332206766421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433174647124583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793386854201005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754515840773524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893222822598814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986520404866663,0.0
bpd,cheeseandcats,2018/12/28,"What is ""love""? (real question) I'm a 25 year old female and I've recently been thinking about this a little bit. I've found out a lot about myself in the last year or so through seeing a therapist a few times and experiences I've had. I've realized that I haven't experienced ""love"", if that's even a thing. From my understanding, love seems to be an arbitrary word used to instill some kind of meaning in our lives but really it seems more interchangeable with infatuation or attachments. I've experienced infatuation many times, and definitely attachments as well. Every one of my family members has given me more than enough reasons to cut them off entirely and I genuinely don't love them, as I am no longer attached to them like I was during my childhood. 

​

So what's the deal with that? I also should mention I have comorbid BPD and ASPD, and i know people with ASPD don't experience a wide array of emotion but I definitely experience emotion. I just don't have very much empathy (if any) 

​

So I'm curious! What is everyone's take on love and how it differs from attachment or infatuation? ",4.409547130068457,6.615762848341234,6.1503870458135905,71.84594918378096,72.17535545023695,9.807372301211164,30.679568193786203,10.125756701596842,3.586661716692996,895,40,157,27,18,307,125,211,0.025,0.7609999999999999,0.214,0.9912,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,3,0,10,9,1,0,10,0,15,5,0,3,0,36,33,21,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,10,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,5,3,18,8,23,26,8,15,0,0,1,5,12,7,0,10,9,107,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845611544856858,0.0,0.22914097023668764,0.2569741272997302,0.07190760379556416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544194230260968,0.0,0.13317726895935664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901447616950627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047698940539694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378891087899161,0.0,0.10925886792458156,0.0,0.06984102820485448,0.0,0.08909147422125893,0.1010401943285654,0.0,0.31030538628409204,0.09968333964446563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593970630565326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011312937173716,0.0581125672572029,0.0861931452713568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165978166434022,0.10598040527284736,0.09337136723418044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989733911122104,0.477177553402072,0.0,0.0,0.10720492307433324,0.0,0.11518310466589855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773190741763338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095754283270688,0.0,0.07165293563445349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330759505236564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845428104247067,0.0,0.0,0.12035657131556295,0.06774048436864345,0.108719506978808,0.1044066227860439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426200124863803,0.1925255318936956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950418048240908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227736179382021,0.07024971737678617,0.06775465530041701,0.0,0.0,0.1233170225834707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008025984717557,0.0,0.0913263976104816,0.0,0.08724751773523531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507398726811682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569741272997302,0.13618765948243408
bpd,wrennedraggin,2018/12/28,"Someone else out there is feeling exactly the same way I do now. I can't do it. So mamy things seem overwhelming. Cleaning the guinea pig cage, making a quick dinner. Wow. I'm just overwhelmed. I just want to know that there is someone out there like me.",0.8872285714285724,3.458783780000001,1.5917142857142856,96.37300000000002,91.2,4.457142857142856,21.142857142857142,6.1826913282559595,0.2276857142857143,199,7,41,2,7,61,39,50,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,11,11,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,11,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144073997729904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030310876377915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684216140973086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387452838064872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25122874653571303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342631542736689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6377912371731883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004235858872936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219917603368841,0.2987436186999727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iwanttoeatabulletrn,2018/12/28,"My GF w BPD of 5 years and Me are in a rough spot I'm gonna try and keep this short but I desperately need advice. So we have been together for almost 5 years. Of course she has randomly gone cold on me or distanced herself from me but it's always worked out. Im not perfect im not gonna act like that at all but I have been very very good these last past 2-3 years being patient understanding literally doing anything and everything for her and she for sure has recognized that. Recently she was sent to a mental health clinic for a week and then moved which doesnt effect our relationship but it meant she lost a lot of her friends as well as her counselor. When she returned from the clinic she seemed better for like a week. I know people can put on masks so I was paying really good attention and nothing really popped out to me. So randomly she goes cold, ok I go through the motions slowly trying to get through to her but nothing works, she completely ghosts then blocks me for literally 2 fucking months. She came back gave a short apology which in a way didnt feel like she wrote it if that makes sense. Anyway I replied and again she sorta ghosted me?? Ever since then we have just been so distant shes been constantly adding and blocking me every week and I thought a few days ago this was over we had a decent talk and she said she would write more when she ate. Again she didn't. Didnt even message me anything on Christmas.
She posted 2 story's within the last 2 days were it just seems like everything is fine? Same with her posts on insta. It's like she had artificially cut me out of her life. It hurts so fucking bad considering how much I love this girl with literally every bone in my body and this is what I get. So what do I do? I'm shattered currently and I literally had to remove her because it was hurting too much. I don't know what to do. Fyi I did miss some minor details its been a crazy 4 months probably the worst in my life and I also didnt want this to be super long.",2.034580988117576,4.115439695121957,3.4470731707317093,89.0732676672921,78.87804878048779,6.644152595372107,22.464040025015635,7.702957570686157,0.9328899312070038,1585,49,336,25,39,519,214,410,0.14400000000000002,0.758,0.098,-0.9596,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,4,0,0,7,20,25,3,0,14,1,37,11,2,3,4,64,68,35,2,4,11,0,2,5,2,3,5,1,0,1,22,22,1,3,10,0,1,9,8,9,1,0,28,5,56,16,39,35,9,56,0,4,0,3,43,16,2,10,33,221,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345959030757006,0.08478025889122477,0.0,0.09577096591760947,0.0,0.0,0.07648432848884215,0.07958123932278999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740931322843912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354227095431361,0.07985650667376408,0.058302060533801874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845869747102485,0.0,0.10623594494870596,0.12045689357349727,0.0,0.0,0.10938819013942916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027810363234636,0.10335428896064204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336147747734097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317018938196746,0.08651304887445907,0.1611638729707137,0.0,0.17191250159544508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835912473748449,0.06832617761696677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389224604155632,0.17683771709575705,0.09993728376728722,0.0,0.054355165812468687,0.16043880191203067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166225002470496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477202081995707,0.0,0.20661807395058315,0.0,0.0,0.08501039904578041,0.0,0.0,0.10512393569986613,0.15592088061041992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351085845409006,0.2336275878983003,0.0,0.0,0.08463955792246969,0.0,0.0,0.10440379797988862,0.08131082950173495,0.08632002475340875,0.0,0.06384132329883832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638395477462773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152679977185481,0.10165158646846932,0.14061474863144002,0.07091682639316345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835408506553257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913004613113775,0.06630564843649653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319589237108613,0.0,0.1031175184387949,0.0,0.0,0.09614594220474892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225405563572725,0.0,0.09443426455264592,0.1026829841621478,0.0,0.0,0.09097679629472187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413653010542912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911548765393396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014081157041946,0.0,0.0,0.07687286962343785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592852428406198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298683554853494,0.0,0.0,0.09956598636213848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782820958120694,0.056411728103458174,0.07591562752226153,0.2301530920376938,0.0,0.08599303211014657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392560390640078,0.0,0.0,0.06794084914622625,0.0,0.0,0.18476962171343614
bpd,johnwatsons,2018/12/28,"How to survive a breakup My boyfriend, the love of my life and the only thing that kept me fighting, broke up with me this Christmas, exactly one week after I tried to kill myself.

He says I said too many hurtful things, that I rely on him too much, that I take him away from his family.

My plan was always to kill myself if he left. Impossibly, I am still alive. And every moment of existence hurts.

I know he still loves me but he couldn't take my BPD anymore.

A part of me still believes he will come back. He is a kind person. What kind person leaves their dying girlfriend? And he still loves me. You don't break up with someone whom you still love if you believe it can work.

I want him to believe it can work.

How do I cope? I am planning to wait a week before reaching out. But I haven't showered, eaten, or slept. I can't even brush my teeth. I went to a bridge to jump off today only to find that there was a barrier.

And even knowing I was about to jump off a bridge didn't bring him back to help me.

Thank you for your advice and support in advance. I really need it.",1.2531593966571537,3.270386914798209,2.5443477374643315,94.87484203016716,81.19730941704036,5.130778638401957,20.001834488381576,6.1124844417494595,-0.09280089686098636,834,22,185,6,22,268,127,223,0.065,0.759,0.17600000000000002,0.9831,1,0,0,0,2,3,28.0,0,5,1,6,15,14,3,0,9,0,15,8,2,2,1,26,35,12,3,5,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,12,9,1,3,3,0,0,6,5,6,0,1,9,3,38,8,27,24,2,28,0,3,0,4,30,9,0,3,12,128,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986779349931312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402468205481763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014649510136413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948754259639257,0.15529705209694664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592780310769726,0.34131464830069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271826409082526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698660478941797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480283486343546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333946322859639,0.0,0.08508125344819321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519635362402988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229524464512777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768575844231264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620552896054315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344209522782416,0.2103133470388784,0.11099356266248543,0.0,0.0,0.10692480831961544,0.10971667510321008,0.0,0.07132620675131013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645589184883218,0.0,0.0,0.10237937255734543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423300797095847,0.07487648899073909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068427665276722,0.1536019341410493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935310387664562,0.0,0.0,0.17634626919387514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469132281904318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605651342050396,0.08030452717817116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556128156645251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032197077921863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145925885064982,0.0,0.0,0.15185101355524874,0.0,0.0,0.09297018086311176,0.0,0.0,0.13417521847162514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571863699475402,0.0,0.0,0.06855979733098701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956149412086985,0.0,0.16200250667925406,0.0,0.0,0.09361084502841313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703144241202676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ColorfulFlowers,2018/12/28,hi i made a video. i feel alone and wanted to share my journey.  sorry if this is not the place to post this but it's worth a shot.  [https://youtu.be/TpkEZ9nelhE](https://youtu.be/TpkEZ9nelhE) ,5.523870967741939,9.205654290322585,2.8150967741935484,85.92264516129032,86.74193548387099,3.7703225806451615,12.651612903225805,5.6839178017228535,-1.2254567741935485,157,2,27,1,5,42,27,31,0.09300000000000001,0.769,0.138,0.3182,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,4,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288145168459967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934810833783585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39176912695725225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325775677173436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965302694304265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46347733735427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24420807098217154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,La_Quica,2018/12/28,"Is anyone else scared they’ll be alone forever? I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but my dr is pretty sure I’ve got BPD.

I was recently dumped because he couldn’t handle my mental health issues any longer. I’m now playing the field, but am having so much trouble keeping my emotions in check.

Why do I get attached to people so quickly? How can I keep my emotions under control? Any help would be appreciated.",3.8875406871609393,6.138941189873421,5.092441229656419,78.65341772151898,73.81012658227849,7.0459312839059685,29.00723327305606,7.957251820313856,2.1757688969258595,330,14,57,5,7,109,64,79,0.122,0.6779999999999999,0.2,0.8411,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,1,1,0,14,3,0,2,1,9,19,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,3,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412765628321088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25492645577566697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105993877946848,0.19205081496383936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425953312231303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360696739541881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102259404996916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024407276330926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565791203666089,0.4216816036858845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792782004799007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991006866774764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992362039631873,0.0,0.0,0.1256347156554591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195634978410849,0.0,0.3332042955799453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888918774430999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377873730502612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299448486787862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906902758401944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850709028076044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765660622998093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665665588836593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913226138168808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331494913268221,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stackproflow1,2018/12/28,"How to quit relationship while having BPD? I want to quit my relationship and move on. Its been 6 years with her, but it appears because of my BPD the relationship is turning very toxic and making my BPD worse. She says she doesn’t want to be with me either. How do I find the courage to leave the relationship? ",3.6644262295082015,5.486195114754096,4.6434098360655724,83.50118032786884,73.2622950819672,7.50295081967213,25.31475409836065,8.238735603445708,1.4543481967213119,246,8,50,4,5,80,42,61,0.084,0.804,0.11199999999999999,0.2047,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,3,0,13,11,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,1,8,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894056123089644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541582353095611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404913735280427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529704018846266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790001498897268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588166605401618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119925254261631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6298532153871964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663388114034255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595293855356181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101397093036165,0.1730136138009188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946414756240672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444744041712433
bpd,Biscuitcat10,2018/12/28,"The way my mother makes fun of me makes me have the worst meltdowns... I really need some support So... I had to leave my major because my autistic sister is currently having an obsession with me at the moment (she always obsesses over something and this time is me) and instead of getting a job (she graduated from college last year) and going on with her life she decided to make my life a living hell to the point I had to switch majors to something more difficult because I really felt I had no options. This major I switched over is longer and more difficult than the previous one I was in (and I was already struggling there).


This situation made me feel extremely angry because I feel like my own family is fucking me over. Sometimes my mother asks me questions about how college is going and I like to remind her that because I got no support from the bullying I was receiving from my sister I will have to stay in college for another FOUR FUCKING YEARS! That's 7 years I will have to stay in total and it fucking destroys me inside that everytime I bring this up they all laugh in my face. My mother proceeds to compare me to her fucking cats like if I was some kind of joke. She is OBSESSED with cats herself so I tell her that I find ridiculous that she only has motherly love for me when we are speaking about her cats but when I'm struggling with literally anything serious she proceeds to bully me and make jokes about me.


For example, one day I was very sad because it took a LOT of courage for me to tell her I was depressed and she agreed to help me get a psychologist. Weeks passed by and when I ask her again, she says to me: Are you on your period or something? I don't remember you telling me anything. It was crushing to hear that. But it is more crushing to see your own family rooting for you to NEVER graduate college and live your dreams.


",5.594774247491641,6.188296239010987,6.239866220735787,78.51382943143814,67.37912087912089,9.187577639751552,33.957955088389866,9.20300075937882,3.0345008600095564,1477,66,275,26,23,483,173,364,0.141,0.77,0.08900000000000001,-0.9551,2,0,3,0,0,0,27.0,1,6,1,0,12,30,7,5,11,0,27,8,1,7,3,42,55,21,0,2,4,6,3,3,0,2,2,3,0,0,14,16,0,0,7,3,0,6,4,18,0,3,14,7,71,12,49,39,14,38,1,2,1,5,42,12,5,7,20,213,85,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460834646134587,0.0,0.07887681274087405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994005441625381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601597850001786,0.0,0.1772405603438579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889299507186018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611347614162579,0.0,0.08164656570237888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787280778644995,0.0,0.0958621317961502,0.06772137708654427,0.09101781067604374,0.0,0.08664066974984166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505448172353665,0.09905267227079352,0.0,0.10774806403552607,0.0,0.07581600864065867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068405549671779,0.0,0.06353891217815352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406914667214844,0.0,0.0,0.09871412831094986,0.0,0.07727036049549361,0.0,0.10037393628788617,0.0,0.0,0.13391264842322328,0.13893575665750468,0.0,0.16741097411930356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059109316455207,0.08555594869094246,0.08969706958477279,0.25310488481070964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028909430402322,0.07311154296085548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284707304647932,0.07209566700874505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961166422879259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619179715011394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145586823234013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738395477217272,0.0,0.0,0.07538457745480825,0.0,0.0,0.07553913007880078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065532530366751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189328530238228,0.09375441606481312,0.0,0.0,0.20207714773196325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820007675562026,0.0,0.0,0.21514388210888452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485643279353091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527557185816171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532043769841487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821558346100813,0.0,0.07524364771314343,0.07603861788227419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313410266179672
bpd,MakoShark216,2018/12/28,"What do you write in a suicide note? Today I bought the pills to kill myself and I’m struggling with who to write to, what to say, if I should even write at all. 

My fp is out of state for another few days. I love him so much and I didnt want him to see how bad I am getting or if anything happens to me I didnt want him to be around to see it. 

I’m struggling with what to say because if I apologize and say I love him, thats not making anything better. How do I reassure him it wasnt his fault and its better this way? 

I feel like some family and a few close ish friends (none who know I have bpd or are struggling this badly) would expect me to leave a note to them. Explaining or something. But I have nothing to say to them.. I have no words or explanations that will change anything. I would write to my dog if he could read it. 

I feel like need closure but I don’t know how to give it to them. Any ideas?",0.7215151515151526,2.2967952929292963,2.466666666666669,96.97000000000004,80.91919191919192,5.612121212121212,20.595959595959595,6.42735559955562,-0.04544646464646451,700,19,172,6,18,231,106,198,0.11800000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.081,-0.6296,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,3,2,6,15,1,3,4,0,18,3,0,4,1,46,37,19,2,12,11,0,2,2,1,4,1,4,0,0,14,10,0,0,6,1,1,0,7,7,0,0,4,8,31,8,24,27,6,9,0,0,2,2,28,5,0,9,4,119,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296920010089301,0.1279353726952146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012050264509143,0.10861243250396972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037421269141953,0.07437456452461831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581122008139733,0.0,0.0,0.15366402013052388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906762715571835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974129626212962,0.0,0.0,0.07868466467983037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058472176120743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501769655961122,0.0,0.1233811913408051,0.17432418886627116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426259673790516,0.0,0.06374381875968065,0.11704059335183277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789072045408613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773147772726946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349830856392717,0.0,0.13410412714759107,0.0,0.0,0.12918819565895376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921328304202207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023284227036566,0.0,0.08144087148126808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968946036768867,0.09046692401894678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706936868940955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204039382549672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881006525027421,0.0,0.0,0.1944481660764564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392723947610436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826458029216732,0.0,0.13345626772626465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564872734981703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392622399146204,0.09684377680455784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733410799693344,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FASilverLining,2019/06/08,"DAE ever feel ""high"" on life? That's the best way I can think to call it, but it's like a natural high/drunk state where I feel overly excited and stimulated to the point of feeling a little dizzy or I can't control my laughter. My head feels like it's high up in the clouds and everything is unreal.

It's not the same feeling when I dissociate, which isn't ""high"" but can be explained along the same vein of everything is unreal.",5.514204545454548,5.16889019318182,6.560363636363636,79.37554545454545,67.52272727272728,10.676363636363641,30.1,10.355215969177356,2.7726063636363643,339,11,72,8,5,114,56,88,0.057999999999999996,0.7090000000000001,0.23199999999999998,0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,7,0,7,3,2,2,1,19,14,6,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,4,9,13,3,14,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100906294778356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663931766292043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182765584594774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740026847430346,0.0,0.0,0.2929032003718776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411969527269311,0.11641361685424492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672367340513037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6886749348076796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115098484526947,0.15922115624053576,0.16332166070720505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540432045832492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441366775131067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934446333540495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zosabee,2019/06/08,"Do your friends resent your recovery? I feel like I’ve made huge ass progress with my therapy. But for some reason, ever since, my closest friend and boyfriend have had so much negativity towards me. Am I a scapegoat to them? Someone that they liked to feel above and better than? Or is it I’m a reminder of how they haven’t worked as hard on their own self-improvement? 

Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? My family and other friends love seeing me happier and all the progress I’ve made. I don’t understand why now I just am so annoying to these two other people. Everything I do makes them angry at me or snap at me or be short and assy with me. 

I feel like they preferred me a numb, dissociated mess, dosed up on high dose anti depressants.",3.9903828828828867,5.836104750000002,5.006486486486487,81.13558558558559,72.44594594594594,8.446846846846848,28.54954954954956,9.075114841892004,2.427065765765767,605,24,116,13,12,198,101,148,0.16699999999999998,0.625,0.20800000000000002,0.8438,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,6,4,6,13,2,0,4,0,11,5,1,5,2,25,21,13,0,1,5,0,4,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,6,23,8,16,17,4,12,0,1,1,2,12,10,1,4,5,81,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740608380785855,0.17204291629460428,0.1381750437606103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485021272560204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462003055447875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026667110882812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518835711676618,0.0,0.0,0.15090604833828206,0.0,0.15828994066895627,0.0,0.25469995541354623,0.2399088691408868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891789165820657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041374841670613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740539002220654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460960017125684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154469520376915,0.31775967139348016,0.11208075887797618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343265240818115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640716405378852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726387214815705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380196957551416,0.0,0.17516601532369022,0.0,0.0,0.13889630472956416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422690015649394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201891334930388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402298395986414,0.17479949871442854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151202296686775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223996723544647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NextForever,2019/06/08,"For, after all, you do grow up, “you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And all the time your soul is craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him!”

-Dostoevsky",20.785434782608696,7.544082036231885,16.45869565217392,58.99282608695654,54.72463768115942,19.269565217391303,59.76811594202898,8.841846274778883,6.321272463768116,563,19,114,3,3,165,91,138,0.091,0.7759999999999999,0.133,0.7674,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,6,2,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,7,6,5,1,4,20,11,14,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,10,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,4,15,3,26,8,5,15,1,0,2,0,16,10,0,2,4,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552225719010969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262475117263302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505571842383745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35542438871299364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118529425010758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654330138798436,0.25186983788457884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838057248364063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314731301067156,0.0,0.20324370098492545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23090459673715116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29468458942729897,0.0,0.1748944955456561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32624312357624863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,piecesofaunicorn,2019/06/08,"Things I Want Tonight, my friends were talking about what they want in the future. Money, families, amazing jobs... All realistic and doable, but also so out of my depth. The things I want were just so much simpler. Things that normal people can just have. It made me feel a bit shit for a second, until I realised that yes, BPD will mean that I have to accomplish some more 'normal' things first, but it doesn't mean I can't have goals. 

I want to be able to socialise, without disassociating several times and having to lock myself in the bathroom until I calm down. 

I want to be able to go out clubbing without the alcohol severely affecting my mood swings and me having no control over what I do.

I want to date normally, without getting infatuated and obsessed with my favourite person, and driving them away. 

I want to be able to exist in a group of people without wondering who secretly hates me and second guessing them all.

I want to stop the low key manipulation that deep down, I know I do to all my friends.

I want to stop splitting on people, stop seeing it all in black and white. 

I want to stop the binge drinking, the drug taking and the impulsive sex. 

I want to be able to be alone without spiralling into deep clouds of loneliness.

I want to be able to have boundaries, which sometimes I can't establish.

I want to be able to stop hurting myself every time something goes wrong with those I love. 

I want to have hobbies and interests and passions, not brief interludes of crazed interest.

I want to have normal moods, not this constant seesaw between murderous anger and almost drug induced euphoria.

I want to save money, not spend it all in random moments of impulsivity. 

I want to watch TV or read a book without taking on the characters identity. 

I want to love someone, without slowly destroying them.

Overall, I just want a normal life. I'm fed up of being self aware, of always policing my behaviour and struggling to control it. It's exhausting, trying to keep myself in check and my sane mind fighting against BPD with every breathing moment. It's so tempting to lock myself in my room and never go out, but I refuse to do that. And as exhausting as it is, one day I hope these wants become things I can actually do.",6.446530278232409,7.025925416075651,6.683605200945627,76.12173076923078,65.52482269503545,9.250009092562284,33.763320603746145,9.162432508145574,3.0056881978541563,1773,74,315,29,26,571,205,423,0.158,0.6609999999999999,0.182,0.2355,1,1,5,0,2,1,51.0,0,0,4,5,8,26,6,2,14,1,29,14,2,6,6,96,69,27,1,26,17,0,1,0,2,1,6,0,1,2,25,22,3,9,7,5,4,4,15,13,0,4,4,5,49,11,71,56,9,45,0,2,4,4,16,23,1,7,18,231,74,5,0.3194310067256385,0.0,0.051953097347923215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056895766836219074,0.053310668587067386,0.0551390312694317,0.0,0.04257481011187484,0.044298697780026014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001932430741287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058797741751474335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812265457316571,0.0,0.13410405691948046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753190638771327,0.119423011937539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034334428911697336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052153462989462634,0.12347951838966575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971146670423392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018852075155925,0.0,0.026918985804722455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528464185657045,0.0,0.0,0.082263867804452,0.0,0.027814919497590376,0.0,0.06051333413753969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058648211146403485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052561997855997133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052877844156348636,0.0,0.0,0.0569929165548364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528309975270467,0.04732082595765754,0.0,0.0,0.029258487908981667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760392779124805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609965166301608,0.050375557013737686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159846702442302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053755709541468466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03913642402434067,0.0,0.041060814113955735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608121374721844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03607578618278732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110726619974459,0.04648580567408814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053252908215432174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424241925814127,0.0,0.055539367554802065,0.12028870505959292,0.054648556342826164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510880923430608,0.04098559916073381,0.052654238913558166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254885399691066,0.0,0.055656440689478885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005745445946512,0.04279109056243117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684647258664316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620875962726098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03614544759412264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6280289464626254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592401068217012,0.05773488346324784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820794345582742,0.0,0.0
bpd,SirKatticus,2019/06/08,"Coping by forgetting that my ex FP even exists Okay well our friendship isn't supposed to be done yet, but I don't think I want to get back into it. it feels so much better just forgetting that she ever existed, and I feel so alive right now. her existence makes me afraid and I'm so done with it so shes just kind of phased out of my mind. I've forgotten what she used to be like, what she's like now, the things she's done for me and that she ever cared. I don't really believe that she cares now, though she says she does.

the point is, even as I'm writing this I'm not thinking of her. it's so easy for me to just erase her from my thoughts, and I've already forgotten what I felt like when she was my FP. one day it'll come back to bite me (I never think of my past, one day I might have to), but for now it's making it so easy for me to let go. does anyone else do this?",1.3979999999999997,2.306734851282052,3.034871794871794,96.45846153846158,77.41025641025641,6.635897435897437,19.666666666666668,7.0316486544052195,-0.04319487179487158,676,13,173,7,15,224,99,195,0.028999999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.2,0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,1,23,10,0,1,2,1,16,0,0,3,3,33,35,15,0,1,6,1,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,17,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,1,1,2,6,4,31,9,21,24,1,20,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,1,17,119,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633213627814254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092720005843509,0.13586877005689127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039290344283365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939963063122744,0.0,0.11727772241756773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703978314947004,0.0,0.0,0.11422685803354082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103759960876996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23208582325704075,0.4071006971773105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077387255454624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516777165234074,0.2398963520365032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340974311174198,0.0,0.12732091774824572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928027078030474,0.0,0.07536207637111796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808696691246902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559687523340114,0.0,0.1943512804174312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702879239406638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067220106886294,0.1338925361025394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974794140250535,0.0,0.1022726066318851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797122034146028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658580348747595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535391969783474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494970651563749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132433428746869,0.0,0.10545225724854908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809640098656961,0.2549024325623021,0.13028304597305918,0.10527299770519967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452753470023927,0.0,0.0,0.07821344849221924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192271857955083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hellpixie,2019/06/08,"Dumped again for mental illness I recently got dumped because of my BPD and bipolar. He's still claiming that he feels like he has ""walked into another trap"" when talking to me. He has claimed to want to be friends. I texted him to ask him to hang out (stupid me) but said it was okay if he was still uncomfortable or it was too soon to be friends. He texted back that yes, he was not as comfortable as he would like. I apologized and said that I hope I'm not why he is uncomfortable. 

He blew up on me, said he was walking into a trap, but said I wasn't at fault (okay?). I don't know what to think of this. I don't know if my mental illness is keeping me from seeing if I'm toxic? I'm honestly not trying to set any traps. Devastated.",2.358614718614721,3.580416831168833,3.820194805194806,90.5312445887446,75.49350649350649,7.2112554112554115,25.170995670995673,7.793537801064563,1.0944995670995672,568,19,131,8,12,188,84,154,0.16399999999999998,0.6559999999999999,0.18,0.4106,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,13,3,0,1,3,15,3,0,0,0,22,32,11,0,6,9,0,1,2,2,1,3,4,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,11,6,15,9,20,18,0,17,0,0,1,0,22,6,0,5,9,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945139857335832,0.16876992247083708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046635750307155,0.0,0.0,0.12376047874062412,0.0,0.09811351797540517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271066725047895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138106630820043,0.11498258542554204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24869886737667035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872627618023247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985948998002622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430595975255259,0.0,0.0,0.17690762660016696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726390686669406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32439913075931265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891853268733874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6124005537287588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282561703693208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25706947247324696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936537073586546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313014745380676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927436452233777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493237543625788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452321807540505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433413609983567,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wanttodiedontknowhow,2019/06/08,"I need to be hospitalized. I know this is what needs to happen but I am afraid to do it mostly because I don't want to be around other people. I lost my job a few weeks ago and haven't gone outside since. I have no idea of what to do now for work and I have been spending every day in my bedroom doing mindless things to try to keep myself distracted from reality. These past couple of days I have been harassing my FP. She's an older woman (almost twice my age) who was cheating on her long-term boyfriend with me. It seems like just yesterday she was telling me she was in love with me and is now apparently back on good terms with him. I think I am really starting to lose it. Can anyone convince me to admit myself? What will I get out of it? I just recently figured out that BPD is what I've been suffering from my entire nightmare of a life. I am not in therapy. Currently on Zoloft, Seroquel, Lamictal, and Adderall which I have been abusing for a while now and am pretty sure is destroying my brain and making this situation way worse than it would be without. Please help.",3.8005587557603695,5.049319824884794,4.925181451612904,83.90777217741936,71.94930875576037,8.005645161290323,26.92655529953917,8.472884824447931,1.7824656682027642,850,29,172,14,16,280,134,217,0.203,0.698,0.1,-0.9792,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,3,2,4,0,30,4,1,1,1,32,45,8,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,17,12,0,1,6,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,9,0,31,5,31,31,3,28,0,3,0,1,11,9,0,3,18,132,48,2,0.0,0.18273615077579464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671470696088006,0.0,0.1544380698056778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784050604187063,0.0,0.0,0.13729651257054598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859258457392255,0.0,0.0940165697219784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942460322921135,0.17217057576387315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065146014307878,0.0,0.1989298978812334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994458824513094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057828935295437,0.0,0.0,0.12935997174000302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638419944722527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337645079713496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410577341089176,0.0,0.0,0.153048489171733,0.1370858257118899,0.0,0.0,0.08476022750898422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893650706532816,0.07534850125540102,0.0,0.0,0.1364878157958372,0.0,0.1725428059319969,0.16835917739690673,0.0,0.13919769818301034,0.0,0.10294905819990233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22871770541244404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722903629715275,0.10692297256932567,0.0,0.0,0.16929713298539487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690634403906795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880304962681444,0.0,0.15228253574863193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404042933809227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757982639038914,0.17335986314867718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109164083291066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535901164063747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480294796717396,0.0,0.17637430798805842,0.0,0.10246289758537916,0.09882371867411058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471137028757453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909682628678478,0.1224198051078559,0.12371320456587485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486712567906637,0.0,0.11228055223088768,0.0,0.1571725318727907,0.10955985984446068,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CA_Bigfoot_Hunter,2019/06/08,"Looking to Gain Control ? Currently, after graduating and starting my new job, I have a lot of free time to go on my phone and read this sub and other self-reflective subs and think objectively about how I want my life to be. I’ve set goals towards my well-being, but i can’t make them a reality. I honestly cannot follow through with them from fear of failure. 

More than just not following through with my goals, I continue to make choices that harm the ones I love. I’ve noticed when my personality splits and I cannot easily return to my normal self. I don’t even know what my normal self is. 

Does anyone else notice when they’ve split, but feel somewhat justified in their feelings towards the trigger? Like you don’t want to let go what angers you because it defines your morals ?

One of my friends mentioned a concept on recognizing the feelings, but instead of brooding on them, I should simply take a step back. If I think more objectively about what to get upset about then I might be able to regulate my emotions and use them appropriately.",6.5817164179104495,6.946796885572143,6.793246268656716,76.19195895522391,65.21890547263679,9.685074626865672,34.660447761194035,9.516144504307137,3.15470447761194,838,36,156,15,12,270,124,201,0.11199999999999999,0.752,0.136,0.2609,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,5,4,10,9,1,2,7,0,12,2,0,6,0,34,32,14,0,6,6,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,7,8,0,1,6,1,1,5,6,4,0,2,0,4,29,6,28,27,4,23,1,0,1,1,15,6,0,4,12,108,36,5,0.1397262961596279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976998750730168,0.1431661025052881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744089695721376,0.0,0.0851758532463163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567149223111412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227542336818413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672339115465127,0.1571732765342719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228790082335024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723092940223826,0.2119494409312782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795218980686476,0.0,0.07300122275320585,0.0,0.15881934820255025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865678881724303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678991821100131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428796045694185,0.09869281517504228,0.06826321045575864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733489780716345,0.0,0.0,0.1187903003352804,0.1261084375628891,0.0,0.18653677535804555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822751946187845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494852752063038,0.0,0.0,0.2738042070694628,0.0,0.31815862855478355,0.0,0.0,0.189364308845462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220036123121022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976410807975082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372950002021236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889899158908416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505678555992838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906193735706025,0.0,0.0,0.08147552693978767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206786575436492,0.0,0.0,0.1648283793169024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256307207010815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwawaygetthrough,2019/06/08,"Wwyd friendships So I work for a big company but in a small team where I have felt I've really got on well and made some awesome friends.  Well twice this week when my boss has been talking to me about other things he has mentioned that when he started the team was all happy and harmonious implying I've made it not be. He brought up that I've shown I don't like this other person in the team. I told him no I do like them we just had a disagreement over the way to do something but that was it. Now I'm paranoid that I'm not liked at work and that people have been saying I've been negative behind my back.  I have moaned but the same as anyone at work but I've had bad experiences before.


My other half also made a comment that I need to be careful about my best friend as she screwed me over before and I said no that was a misunderstanding but my other half  was like we don't know that.

Basically now I'm a paranoid wreck and don't want to go into work or speak to anyone.",1.885797101449274,3.555108714975848,3.3742270531401,91.35380434782611,77.79227053140096,6.339130434782609,21.644927536231886,7.1686216300943375,0.4720028985507243,772,21,173,9,18,254,107,207,0.203,0.64,0.157,-0.7953,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,1,8,13,13,1,0,10,0,21,1,0,4,1,28,38,17,0,2,9,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,1,17,8,0,0,2,3,0,2,8,2,2,3,17,4,20,11,20,19,4,22,0,0,0,1,21,12,1,2,11,122,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587218626614328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262739378127295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141502954682483,0.1209809669338444,0.0,0.0,0.2465893226656057,0.0,0.15205797883901176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772973583595447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173475491430415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391215709191682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22389046922729988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234695946200653,0.0,0.11588547499182865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424303193864028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963030139057807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831527965712436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113084175984472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074375349772621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045169511100516,0.12651640534968162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282321262360382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782797723976686,0.11522602840798743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154696797713802,0.0,0.0,0.10255716754149058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646081810235664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626155634387418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845303187752353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546260908014006,0.1150106159859129,0.11622573528994665,0.0,0.26055535378625866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42194007624618185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Foalish20,2019/06/08,DAE get sensory overload in the car? I hate going on car rides because as soon as I sit in the passenger seat or the backseat I start to get sensory overload. Once the car start to move it gets me super anxious and super angry for some reason. I tend to always get irritated during the rides and my SO gets upset that I’m in a bad mood. Tell me I’m not alone? If you do feel this how to you guys help yourselves?,3.2524137931034467,3.920901080459772,4.9845402298850585,85.15198275862069,72.67816091954023,7.639080459770115,25.99425287356322,7.793537801064563,1.3364114942528738,322,10,69,4,6,110,58,87,0.235,0.649,0.11699999999999999,-0.9076,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,3,6,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,14,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,9,2,11,14,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,3,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315543316732929,0.0,0.0,0.18603075031058355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25257399401720537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866742209611223,0.13628810204580738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304528976719565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840386516167902,0.0,0.12706175934676595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221372544153376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073217473637188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985635316239065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376228500826461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23809808179594674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22987040884912965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31649241760905944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541276588749024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Decretum_,2019/06/08,"Quitting a job after five days I feel like a massive failure. I'm five shifts into a new job and I already plan to quit once the day ends, I'm just toughing it out for the day. 

I don't know why I keep doing this and my parents and partner are getting sick of me for it. It's like it's okay for the first day and then after I'm just miserable and I've got to stop myself from bawling my eyes out pretty much all day. 

I feel pathetic..",0.4864583333333314,2.1273638958333336,2.705416666666668,94.66458333333335,81.91666666666666,5.1000000000000005,22.125,5.82211442006289,0.10680000000000024,338,11,79,2,9,115,60,96,0.141,0.753,0.106,-0.5267,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,2,5,0,1,6,1,3,2,1,0,1,16,12,6,0,0,2,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,3,9,3,12,11,2,15,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,14,48,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366395654261248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5659012965344996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543717063792392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747187824168356,0.12537421986629546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927662030227032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168930141329083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036000662761974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483049632152881,0.15598871227124755,0.0,0.0,0.09644789074497047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147674635743268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129009590659322,0.0,0.0,0.16949491732418248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689727749422236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486729449411566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854229951740885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733227271804797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672232975596367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583576442826716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,windpaw_,2019/06/08,"Is it worth it? Honestly sometimes I just feel is it really worth being here, trying to fight my own mind every fucking day is just so fucking tiring and I have being trying my best but sometimes I just cant do it anymore. Like why me? What did I do so wrong to deserve this, theres a whole world out there but because I'm too fucking scared to lift a foot outside the door all I see is four walls day in day out. I have nobody anymore, I know my family will always be there but, I just wish I wasn't so afraid of everything and so fucking sad all the time. I feel like I'm going to relapse and end up back in a psychiatric unit again, or even dead.",1.59,3.1858427101449323,3.3457246376811622,91.55815217391307,78.42028985507247,6.049275362318841,22.369565217391305,6.816661863887847,0.5047565217391297,506,15,112,5,12,169,83,138,0.154,0.728,0.11800000000000001,-0.8845,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,16,13,5,2,5,0,15,6,1,0,2,20,27,11,1,1,8,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,9,0,1,2,3,14,4,10,21,5,15,0,1,1,4,1,7,4,1,9,79,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280137226486094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927265352325975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348267342297677,0.0,0.08996558862799145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487987593893926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855376250938821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071525849431567,0.0,0.0,0.09747757145213544,0.0,0.12434554254708435,0.0,0.13263861737423385,0.0,0.13912867711912474,0.0,0.14924539828296007,0.10543374851129406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545754615342497,0.0,0.0,0.0838751571131124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110808320956656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420377786011526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901735783619535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454582893422718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775692301612026,0.0,0.11760501611348168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29192789486747706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605718006389074,0.16962563002514566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003991443598264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317123775482526,0.1647718113573171,0.16971384877296186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135949116576595,0.0,0.0
bpd,PrinceofDarkness1997,2019/06/08,Question Anyone else attracted to your case manager? 😭 I'm pathetic,2.5500000000000007,4.241680666666666,5.636666666666668,61.77500000000001,117.33333333333334,11.6,37.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,7.047133333333334,56,4,7,3,3,20,12,12,0.255,0.552,0.193,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742044612358295,0.5483465993706375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470672420819561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5995147280985629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DemonsAndDrugs,2019/06/08,"DAE ever feel like theyre over reacting? I'll have outburst at people that I don't intend to slip out, but it happens, and at first I feel Im right and have reason to feel the way i did or justified in what I said to them. But after, I fee super bad and realize how unstable my relationships (platonic and romantic) with other people can be because of the dumb things i say or do out of no where and not on purpose. Then I feel im over reacting about the situation and how i reacted and feel terrible. Does anyone else get this to a super extreme level? I do and it really sucks ://",6.389500000000003,4.965268283333334,8.140000000000004,72.32500000000003,66.16666666666666,12.0,33.333333333333336,11.20814326018867,3.626333333333333,454,16,92,12,6,162,78,120,0.17300000000000001,0.7090000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.8151,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,5,7,2,0,4,0,8,0,0,7,1,30,17,15,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,11,0,0,7,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,2,7,11,3,17,14,0,16,0,0,0,0,4,11,2,2,5,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304744554964498,0.19496324036639373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887495081784633,0.11599226394572601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651436576024195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589536221762013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211817743521834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810536977061458,0.13593529895834294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185115273235914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941288258614303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826302115775812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110677727374441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296066928815226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638308905078794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189754896234012,0.1956384213757596,0.0,0.2042883509196956,0.0,0.1624971586003675,0.18099882700776634,0.15131743496698336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138814792264808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641285995131174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103455048663894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lozixient,2019/06/08,"Dealing with Partners Leaving for a Few Hours It has always been an issue with me in relationships where my partner will go out for the night whether it be with friends or work colleagues and I won't go because I do believe having your own set of friends and nights out with them to be beneficial to a relationship, or I want to save some money etc., that my BPD will strongly kick in. I will hate my partner for leaving (however due to intensive therapy I no longer vocalise this and understand how irrational I'm being) even though it's for a few hours and they always come back because I'm convinced they will leave me permanently in some way, through finding someone else or being attacked, etc. 

It also causes me to become fixated on the worst possible situation and unable to distract myself. It just annoys me how after so many years of therapy that I can recognise this feeling, stop myself from doing any irrational impulsive actions but can't change this feeling at all. This feeling does sometimes come up for me outside of this but it's always guaranteed to come up when they are away from me for a night. However when my current partner was on holidays for a week I was only upset the first night and beyond that I was fine. 

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to ease this or even stop this from coming up every time? It's as if one night is too difficult to handle but a few nights is more manageable? I've explained this to my partner previously but don't bring it up everytime because I don't want her to feel bad about going out for a few hours without me. It's also my first time posting here so if anything such as the flair needs changing please let me know.",8.334340490797548,7.1863175490797575,8.246434049079756,72.22983512269944,62.159509202454004,10.972085889570556,38.77990797546012,9.978442167317967,3.836515950920245,1355,60,244,23,16,439,171,326,0.098,0.809,0.09300000000000001,-0.5458,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,4,4,20,14,3,2,12,0,26,0,0,4,1,51,47,29,0,5,13,0,4,0,7,5,0,0,0,5,20,17,0,2,8,1,1,9,6,8,0,3,4,4,31,6,51,33,12,52,0,0,0,0,17,17,0,8,23,191,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104931798856626,0.2045334124779157,0.0,0.0,0.1114393777250982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729196672755658,0.0,0.06742682962381275,0.0,0.0,0.09321469642421508,0.07698212064258944,0.06300417773360674,0.06841362762355213,0.1498433487207277,0.0904925228738647,0.0,0.09231447506247907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319626295817597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417144528629844,0.17335608921380258,0.28232445804182793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447302333906127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434065188307018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844750453736033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827619068526338,0.10823668585811136,0.0,0.06903510841534384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571840115706515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488855608100335,0.13939043803285922,0.0,0.0,0.1266080076757419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969935180744808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089541624548156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420730998804881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855205089994783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503020536995075,0.0,0.0,0.26027704466516405,0.0,0.08378571154691652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830708387282382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075494102097932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613516179889515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552235186407775,0.0623164665920835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994176739400725,0.0,0.09237119060637694,0.07847260094935647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593846098084415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210015675882938,0.0,0.0,0.06942460424249007,0.0,0.08103737962302987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700531116307935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740325608124114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050228067986873,0.0,0.09555576555355608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529887668112718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966566437932852,0.06503744889986031,0.06572458772583625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789839459218377,0.0,0.05965081117169532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276447560993626
bpd,gpless,2019/06/08,"DAE had ""professionals"" quit you out of their frustration? My GP got mad because I called to the night doctors office after experiencing a panic attack. I think that happened due to me splitting on my GP. I was convinced he wouldn't help me further with frequent headaches, knee problems, psychotherapy and my overall medical condition. At the time of calling, I was a bit lost for words so described the situation as a ""hassle"" to the assistant. At the time it didn't  even occur to me I said something 'stupid'.

GP called me personally next morning. Told me  he was fed up with me and didn't want to help me anymore. He smashed the phone done, raging like mad. He is the only GP in that office, so hence my username, as now I need to find a new GP that will accept me.

It was not my intention to gossip about my GP, and really hurts to know it's not really possible to speak freely to any doctor. This fear also quickly descended onto my psychotherapists, as I thought he was also going to be mad after this event. They are technically not in the same health institute, but very closely related and I believe they know each other quite well. Fortunately that didn't happen, and he actually recommended me to file a complaint soon. Also I think the therapist finally realised what this means when I said that I think I've BPD.

Are ""we"" so hard to treat? I read that BPD patients are ""notorious"" among health professionals. But I read that as we just need a bit more care and time than an average patient. What do you do to manage expectations if doctors or therapists have seen your file? (e.g. when looking for a new GP)",5.5019668062664815,6.671497462540724,6.331624011167985,75.70611292073832,67.85993485342019,9.495827516674424,31.88289126725609,9.725611199111238,3.0808031332402668,1279,53,234,28,21,422,173,307,0.109,0.823,0.069,-0.6788,0,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,2,3,3,3,15,19,7,2,17,0,20,8,1,1,0,39,42,22,0,7,8,0,1,1,0,2,6,3,0,1,16,13,1,0,9,2,0,1,7,13,1,0,18,7,37,6,37,21,5,30,0,2,2,0,26,11,0,2,19,157,53,8,0.0,0.0,0.09357381406747638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300471522623825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520779578516521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509610378987814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908755976007994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845303328505521,0.0,0.0,0.10803404614728268,0.0,0.0,0.20937186615515524,0.0,0.24153763160338995,0.0,0.29374011429139624,0.0,0.09776520759254713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29443930805430896,0.0,0.09812772030654017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333376811659315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790176322873143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504169252595866,0.08764079217352172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449591810925555,0.0,0.07669117835638656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958861982348256,0.0,0.08589769316134083,0.0,0.0,0.20385100732700207,0.0,0.0,0.12854472647119347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265113822089847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539615334791966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046846512959208386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052259443984258,0.0,0.10467415083668316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445121197903903,0.0,0.09659806111300408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422009299731949,0.0,0.18522035225455746,0.10197901996211084,0.08998531370479138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292789156834051,0.0,0.11250505968607658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372656028173929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810041937512783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175280547567254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039794706668028,0.1918298614048824,0.0,0.1228578742147202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824247600614361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778323311399587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382002288770048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266899698343284,0.0,0.1843253630958733,0.0,0.07612514063183454,0.16774090918783222,0.0,0.0,0.09162603132489502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911845227684755,0.056557805852970926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621571042592853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chainhell,2019/06/08,"I don’t know what to do with my life Whenever I think I’ve found what I want to do with my life, because I become interested in one area, it changes quickly after and I find that area suddenly boring and don’t care for it anymore. My interests and hobbies change so much I’m so lost and scared I won’t find my path, even worse, that i don’t actually have a path set.",2.3239662447257388,3.3874669873417744,4.182974683544305,88.52399789029535,75.32911392405063,7.79831223628692,25.824894514767927,8.344100000000001,1.4196312236286914,288,10,67,5,6,98,48,79,0.149,0.733,0.11800000000000001,-0.5195,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,12,14,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,11,3,7,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.21138908708231105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482803459022434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320490509707082,0.23923888248873565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220857706692371,0.0,0.45830877225001904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307493562242984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959720405405711,0.0,0.0,0.2375117669675397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190482447479276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30600908789969683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23646544075382825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592400331931761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678677299806664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687360418781346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880083375624305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776761389694788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075346647766064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,catedoge282,2019/06/08,"DAE distance themselves from their s/o for no reason? We've been dating for six months now. Been friends for three years before that.

I love him. He loves me. He's incredibly good for me. I know he is. He's sweet and kind and understanding and supportive and does everything to keep me happy. So far it's been an ideal relationship. We communicate well. We rarely argue. We're happy together. We are well suited to each other.

​

I know all of this. 

​

So why do I feel so empty?

Why don't I feel anything about him anymore? A week ago I was full of love. Now I'm full of nothing.

​

Why don't I feel anything? I'm physically next to him but mentally I'm far far away, and I don't know where I am. I look at his face and it feels so unreal. My relationship feels unreal. I can't even bring myself to look into his eyes half the time. I can't say the words, can't hug him, can't kiss him, I just can't. I feel like I'm not all there. And it's not fair to him because he's done nothing wrong. I'm the one who's dysfunctional. I'm the one with the problem for no apparent reason. I don't even know where this feeling is coming from. It's like a switch was flipped in my head and all my feelings turned off and there's nothing inside.

​

A week ago I was so full of love looking at his face made my heart ache with yearning and thinking of him made me cry with happiness.

Now I feel nothing.

​

Why do I feel so empty?

Why do I ruin every good thing in my life?

What if I ruin this too?",0.07059375000000045,2.3481073718750025,2.1693750000000023,93.758125,89.34375,5.075,19.25,6.6274283507984215,0.1207874999999996,1189,36,265,15,40,397,144,320,0.134,0.71,0.156,0.3067,1,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,3,0,1,1,20,26,1,0,9,0,23,12,5,4,3,52,59,18,0,4,5,0,10,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,12,19,0,1,18,0,0,2,13,6,2,5,9,16,44,20,28,50,7,29,0,3,4,6,29,15,0,1,14,163,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111231918663574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33956606671756584,0.38081227274727375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216122268818499,0.0,0.0,0.10315977766638958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058889454643527135,0.0,0.0,0.038208842150470435,0.0,0.05333563894250881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399284024599378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885048884583078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054851253874101294,0.06414289156721499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279843877255579,0.0,0.05281018309058134,0.0,0.05633229406484341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31692639105922915,0.0447782481684005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842602713001299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514518356539508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017048358658626,0.0,0.0,0.0643272512492941,0.0,0.0,0.07427551069074023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055712420599706616,0.0,0.0652710550995767,0.13778805855630574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427238533794,0.06124407642728785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790498427144475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262827879515853,0.11861771909075038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316619481547647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003017984617579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666036059052885,0.0,0.0,0.240570687438621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494650431837153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997581757966899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888993294261944,0.0,0.13458865424202585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984525511091707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112795515567631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041641475451580506,0.04016249347011521,0.0,0.0,0.03654892119443938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817729841419366,0.0,0.0652515712418297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055543015799577,0.0,0.1127127981362502,0.0,0.28279250322015514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853019494961342,0.38081227274727375,0.040363543733059684
bpd,Conceptualized-me,2019/06/08,"Professions a borderline excels in. Educator : Teacher (College level)/ Influencer
Psychologist: psychoanalysis, and clinical psychology. 

What’s my reasoning? Borderlines tend to excel in giving advice, but struggle with execution. 

Do you agree ?",9.90077922077922,14.093098818181822,10.921298701298705,25.159090909090928,91.12121212121212,15.219047619047622,50.16883116883117,10.290406445055957,10.871410389610393,203,15,14,11,7,69,32,33,0.077,0.675,0.248,0.6818,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,3,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870647901525829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781441489678151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124740646285688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5210723520630679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,freakydeakynow,2019/06/08,"Should I tell boyfriend I’m suicidal? Hi! 

I’ve been doing well with my BPD for a while (maybe about 1 and a half years). I did DBT once when I was 15 and am just now completing another round of it, and it’s been helping loads. My diagnosis is officially “partially in remission” even, and my boyfriend knows I have been ill in the past.

We’ve been together for three months, and these past two weeks I’ve been having some seriously suicidal thoughts, and I think he knows something is a bit off. Problem is, if I tell him about this, I’m scared I’ll fall into an unhealthy relationship where he is my only source of support, plus I don’t want him to feel like he has to solve everything for me or deal with a lot of shit. Going to my therapist more is not an option, as the current “deal” I have (once a month appointments) ends now in June, and because of waiting lists at the clinic they can’t extend it since I’m doing this well, plus I am moving out of the region in August anyway and would have to change the clinic I go to. The only option I have regarding medical help is private healthcare, which I cannot afford at the moment. 

I am not on any meds, and most of my suicidal ideation is due to me graduating in a week (which I am not even excited about) and moving far away, etc. Therefore I reckon it’s not exactly depression that is making me suicidal, more extreme stress and pressure. I want to tell him cause I know he cares and I do need some extra support right now, but I also don’t want it to be too much for him to handle.

Sorry for the long post, and if there isn’t exactly enough information to give proper advice. Still, I thought I’d try. Any thoughts?",4.158624903524569,4.957235997041423,5.257872395163368,83.54080653460252,70.68639053254438,8.71849755595575,27.713403653202988,8.964715089967882,2.0033260612297403,1309,44,273,24,23,433,181,338,0.09300000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.07,-0.8836,2,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,0,18,14,1,3,16,0,36,5,1,3,2,57,59,23,4,9,9,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,11,19,0,1,10,0,0,5,9,7,2,3,10,2,34,7,41,46,11,41,0,1,1,0,20,15,1,9,21,188,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102409857876632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449120024160014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668899202732012,0.09767482024466224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875165266302335,0.0,0.0,0.05678274950606255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169455339920437,0.0,0.11731787095409378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497158626591136,0.09568965457712024,0.09853926256871276,0.0,0.09766492620268966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920650024935614,0.08022907415409697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250234220546834,0.0962477896410255,0.10388572797520412,0.12304803662461172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371629086244048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047098919680702934,0.06654564509056407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935698295266299,0.10587741621586348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487158652560955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357671890025576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045507883185855975,0.0,0.0,0.08243391008503119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919192600491952,0.0,0.0,0.06217766294746599,0.0,0.09358066368672603,0.0,0.10346751033035664,0.09383779076446012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870124348500746,0.1980052340684075,0.0684752131853713,0.06906878336681209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984012328816365,0.0,0.14168798319621573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778424699561416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921096760393214,0.0,0.0,0.08913098734151821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000713722345712,0.0,0.07954871418467195,0.0,0.0,0.09325837217720916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561608243820224,0.07705379323426749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717106304427798,0.0,0.10427264931693477,0.0,0.0,0.07438889035027359,0.0,0.10670183412225796,0.0,0.0,0.4075594321123669,0.21140870192181374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442489249416667,0.0,0.0,0.10815313738140188,0.0,0.059686100857791816,0.0,0.2218496397200525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324203836683852,0.0,0.09099301177463806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482503346064295,0.0,0.14943697533806435,0.0,0.16750422735904053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617035801097745,0.0,0.0,0.059984884753779714
bpd,Kopannie,2019/06/08,"How Many of You Had Symptoms In Childhood? (Possible trigger warning) I was recently triggered by a friend's daughter just diagnosed with bipolar and psychosis.... at 8 years old. It brought on terrible flashbacks from my childhood and took every coping skill I possessed to keep me from the brink.

Though I was not diagnosed with anything until I was 13 (""mood disorder""), I remember those younger, terrifying, years with parents that couldn't understand or help me. Those experiences (my parents' response to how out of control I was) are what pushed my natural chemical imbalance into symptoms of BPD. 

Just wondered if there are others like me and my friend's poor little girl.",6.359743589743588,9.059418179487183,6.017444444444448,72.75950000000002,68.05982905982907,9.124444444444443,39.905128205128214,9.642632912329526,4.6535476923076935,545,33,80,13,10,169,85,117,0.10400000000000001,0.8540000000000001,0.043,-0.7997,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,7,5,0,0,2,0,8,5,0,5,0,23,13,9,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,7,0,14,3,17,5,0,17,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,8,59,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361689321695898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840554137435385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855903395252419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359001460322561,0.0,0.0,0.1896446563321061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394168619164816,0.0,0.0,0.16186286274737105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556857159903663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091204767229043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707865785012827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084100874844784,0.1658458977913244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776211290322218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363448705856416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36747300129309546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865442355554837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338312772755434,0.0,0.1874469345262942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34397645935363563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257489279197798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838449071038621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226165041033736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944676575396795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311642087813493
bpd,soph256,2019/06/08,"Has anyone felt the “I am terrified of myself” moment? I recently broke up with my ex a week ago. I’m 20F and he 25M. He’s going into psychiatry, and I have crossed many personal borders since the break-up. 

I’ve called multiple times, even blocked my caller ID after he blocked me. I pretended to be a friend and used a fake number to get information because he didn’t want to talk to me. He stated that I am creepy, and I fit the diagnoses for a specific disorder. 

I know somethings wrong with me. I’ve become terrified of myself, and I think I’m just a cancer for everyone. I’m scared of myself.

Has anyone else felt this? What to do?",1.7143291592128804,3.9164917984496133,4.0133333333333345,83.96307692307694,80.62790697674419,7.6901610017889075,23.87656529516995,8.617729084823388,1.8590221824686937,498,18,100,12,13,172,80,129,0.237,0.701,0.062,-0.9762,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,8,0,8,2,0,1,0,18,19,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,5,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,2,16,1,15,15,0,12,0,1,0,0,12,3,0,0,6,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759819862121796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776290403461183,0.20341411705456047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102006466110428,0.2192571988621073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271800924198094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015004731601816,0.0,0.0,0.2275288560282424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584362594113702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112504658780685,0.0,0.0,0.1897008181167255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812336279410094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338127524187242,0.0,0.10372203343105024,0.0,0.11282732756033947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910511034555673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012749653589308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334590131079736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602121602133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875991087522432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422337982416296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283559194588114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956828227570755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272079257875308,0.0,0.0,0.1157625449320296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146337116123112,0.0,0.0,0.11709622130365475,0.0,0.15924618458499895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705783680592866,0.0,0.0
bpd,123lookatm3,2019/06/08,"Looking for resources I am looking for resources to help me understand my husband's BPD better. Before we got married I knew he had BPD, but never looked into it. We have recently started couples therapy due to issues in our marriage caused mainly by his BPD. He has shown me a few videos/articles to help me understand what BPD is, how he sees the world, etc., but I am interested in more. I have been looking up some, but often come across negative forums, which I do not want to be involved in. 

I'm basically looking for any great books, videos, workbooks, etc.  I want to keep trying with my husband and feel that the best way for me to stay patient and supportive is for me to learn more about BPD.",7.401344537815127,6.541598882352942,7.6047899159663865,75.14441176470591,63.852941176470594,10.418487394957985,37.07563025210085,9.606745405546679,3.466251260504201,552,24,103,9,7,180,88,136,0.052000000000000005,0.779,0.16899999999999998,0.9609,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,2,1,24,29,6,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,7,17,5,21,24,8,14,0,0,6,0,13,7,0,2,4,74,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274239069117575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102249331420913,0.0,0.11225706135715503,0.09460513098601847,0.0,0.0,0.6736167260814027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988633072163807,0.0,0.09214407172666668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835884267609707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385967743742055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054086593660910544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555264890330902,0.11793338004749752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339774258072915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164754155563067,0.0,0.09507870407292557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491338768379812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250086331180045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056186960010636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524021232406688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571300327166679,0.1140144118720028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138682410066533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232804192686984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262473225763508,0.0,0.0,0.2227163984480695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618583285799234,0.08490678275504249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IssaRevolution,2019/06/08,DAE ever just get extremely angry randomly at the way other people treat them? I cant tell if its because i have bpd or because people use it against me. I did this seance thing with a friend tonight and suggested a single drop of blood. I cut my hand barely and he literally ON HIS OWN slashed his leg with the razor so fast. Blood everywhere. I grabbed a towel and it got all over me. Ive had to have self harm stitches before so i knew right away he needed stitches. 3 hours of me begging him to go to the hospital. I call over a military friend and him and my BF arrive at the same time. Sit next to him for two seconds and my friend was like yeah you’re right i should go and goes to the hospital!!! I stay with him the whole time holding his hand and watching the stitches even though it triggers bad memories and i went through hours f him yelling at me. We get home and he ignores me while i cry and I’m so fucking angry. He tells me i need therapy!!!1 because i cant sleep after all of this drama and I’m depressed. Part of methinks maybe its bpd but the logic side thinks no fuck him he would never have been there for me like i was for him. And now I’m just angry at everyone and the world because i always give it my all and i feel like no one cares about me...,0.9559398496240592,3.1010296691729344,2.4879323308270718,94.14588345864662,83.13533834586465,5.454135338345864,21.906015037593985,6.7097532225279775,0.4181368421052625,996,33,220,11,28,324,146,266,0.131,0.774,0.096,-0.8625,1,2,1,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,1,0,11,15,3,0,13,1,13,8,6,2,5,43,32,23,0,5,5,0,4,3,4,2,0,1,1,1,10,19,0,2,4,1,0,3,5,7,0,3,8,6,41,8,27,22,8,31,0,1,1,2,27,12,2,3,15,146,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010346827002006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408205688963985,0.0,0.10138415639148836,0.29607632336098416,0.0,0.10332307257583644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058591226981524,0.0,0.12398771026833308,0.0,0.1238000903882322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333788100592119,0.0,0.0,0.1045825074905216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019955575749516,0.10983516362448474,0.0,0.1160260509772776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139573679788065,0.08674549095229854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814361662250145,0.2245094797245898,0.12687829243765264,0.11648118138603827,0.13801637113753434,0.0,0.09711404543904917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217983984934175,0.0,0.23915680612154144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796522960072786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198695503063126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006904928123166,0.09364984826452387,0.0,0.12913604133721587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228019767618681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314906035020872,0.0,0.1683605384389637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739125023680646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667194882643673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151191661423495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942206836585612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226025013659186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066885998846499,0.0778037407991362,0.1192986850401946,0.0,0.14160688470282173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861382467443375,0.0,0.0,0.10487154478610464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638089836208152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256147352718356,0.0,0.13556581145133909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625628595740381,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AjChoosinglife,2019/06/08,"What’s your BPD like? Hey guys! I’ve been diagnosed with BPD with mild bipolar in April. I’m on mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and antipsychotics. The meds keep me well stable that my BPD is mild. I’m curious about what symptoms others face. I feel like my over jealousy with my boyfriend and mistrust with no valid reason is a symptom of BPD. How does BPD affect you?",2.92885714285714,5.765160385714289,3.1625000000000014,87.97375000000002,80.85714285714286,6.357142857142858,24.464285714285715,7.645422480735847,1.3922857142857141,297,11,56,5,8,91,52,70,0.061,0.773,0.166,0.7752,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,3,0,11,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,7,3,9,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8702401791767206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026201095273227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093278483632555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987404726770596,0.09872442047589368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683184541169624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283143405544587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502730008835245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535002024782598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208443223462786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28726888320381155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425123951220407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BringBackScritch,2019/06/08,"It happened agaaaaainnnn So, I used to make a lot of friends on the internet, needed people to feel happy blah blah blah. Those were the most painful times in my life (somewhat). I unblocked an old internet friend from the beginning of that time period and I tried to chat him up, the original reason he stopped talking to me was because I was “too sad” and he he hoped I found out “what was haunting me”. So this time it was four days before he unadded me and stopped talking to me. I actually have been trying me best this time, I didn’t rant or poke at him if he didn’t respond, I didn’t do anything I thought was out of the ordinary. I literally pretended to be not obsessive and clingy, he did that and my heart fucking sank. I feel physically sick. We weren’t even that fucking close. I just always connected so deeply to him. It was two years since we spoke since last week. I had thought about him the whole time, he didn’t even remember me. I have a boyfriend and I’m happy, I just wanted to be friends with this guy, i feel fucking heartbroken.",3.3091640866873067,5.002513296650721,3.9970503799606014,88.30288207148891,73.92822966507177,7.597072896144104,29.04052913031241,8.313332769828598,1.9420118772868005,825,35,173,14,17,262,114,209,0.122,0.753,0.126,0.5967,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,1,9,13,3,1,9,0,20,7,1,4,0,36,38,11,0,4,5,0,3,3,3,0,3,1,0,1,11,12,0,2,8,2,0,0,6,6,0,2,19,4,30,7,20,17,5,22,0,1,0,3,22,7,3,6,15,114,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.120850607587861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304533926466997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019103008640765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549210917873295,0.0,0.1053792696022793,0.0,0.1299631190356394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986697246120422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635911592146861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878526568895564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578487775065246,0.28703693083352544,0.3434660488072523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262171107778405,0.10951187546376866,0.2636613438283646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467517633821435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230017057777289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094665638328196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747231162809661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528488979561004,0.0,0.0,0.08266459374615881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182627083271004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994992715724382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177518019787454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585551188251063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273288111090275,0.0,0.0,0.14028731215893062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488452644779995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070726528075534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990768426831326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966312817266289,0.3610623868566447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681593408774703,0.0,0.12097431771350375,0.0,0.0,0.10695855742686196,0.0,0.0,0.07304442240901972,0.0,0.09933749735345504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826366016454844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974931661987532
bpd,obscenethoughts111,2019/06/08,"Low self esteem So today I found out from a mutual friend that said he send photos of my boyfriends ex girlfriend to my boyfriend because of how hot she is and that nobody could ever compare to her.

I genuinely hate it and everytime I look at myself I realise how fucking ugly I am.",3.0941071428571405,5.1818759107142895,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,75.60714285714286,6.622857142857143,27.271428571428572,7.554174236665415,1.7246042857142858,225,9,41,3,5,74,46,56,0.16,0.785,0.055,-0.7346,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,8,8,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,3,10,1,7,5,0,6,0,1,1,1,9,3,1,0,2,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260547832462614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653649135703351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30064147798634483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644190155131066,0.25678292871056824,0.3072643567824549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281397801626613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27910132024911183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161534457096524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34672722885716223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150413837325819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zdravomilla,2019/06/08,"Feel like a failure because I'm not in a relationship A little background: Female, 29, was diagnosed with depression at 19 and BPD at 24. I'm taking Wellbutrin and Lamictal daily and Klonopin as needed.  My symptoms have gotten a lot better since starting meds but I still have my moments.

I guess I'm a ""high-functioning"" pwBPD.  I finished grad school, have a rewarding career with a really good income, and I've been at the same job for almost 4 years now.  I'm from NYC and can finally afford to live here alone and not be struggling.  All of these things are great and really good accomplishments, but the fact I'm not in a relationship almost negates everything.

I have only been in one relationship in my entire life that was on-and-off from 2007-2009. I have had so many one night stands and hookups that I've lost count and currently have a FWB that I see regularly and is the closest thing I have had to a relationship (he's in an open marriage so the arrangement doesn't allow for anything more for me). I want a relationship so bad but I know we're so hard to deal with. I'm scared to even try to get into one because I don't want the pain that comes along with getting attached to someone when they're going to leave you. I know being alone can sometimes be the best for us.

But everyone I know is in a relationship and they all seem so happy. I hate being on the subway and seeing couples touching each other's leg or kissing, idk how to describe it but I almost get angry for no reason. I just want to know to what all that stuff feels like since I haven't had a boyfriend in over a decade. 

I'm turning 30 in August and I feel like such a failure when I see my friends getting engaged and married and starting families. I know it's irrational because I have accomplished a lot, but I still think there's no point to any of this if there's no one to share my life/happiness with.

Idk I don't want relationship advice about how to find a boyfriend, but I just wanted to see if anyone else here feels the same way and how you deal with being okay with the fact you're alone.  Thanks <3",4.945786378795859,5.4772425710900485,5.605081621906269,82.71500175530983,68.7867298578199,8.621520098297351,29.136738634368967,8.626192665926032,2.0173736001404245,1663,57,338,25,27,540,204,422,0.128,0.682,0.19,0.9878,4,3,0,0,0,1,38.0,1,2,1,6,22,23,1,2,27,1,29,6,1,5,5,79,72,37,0,8,15,0,6,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,14,28,0,0,13,0,0,2,11,7,0,4,9,10,33,16,47,58,10,36,0,2,4,1,17,18,0,10,17,218,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831109765914536,0.0,0.0,0.21000155631471654,0.2172038484446149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753831261085282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887973138370757,0.07162671015168519,0.05752648247772145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058368387964866125,0.12784170370575726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336178017887834,0.061825962120180815,0.0,0.0,0.08804385503442502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060217620638504825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734939159866795,0.0,0.0,0.14413953389374498,0.06020972693182824,0.07095287286575358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839729069838421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617209386235413,0.0,0.0,0.06679794751482131,0.0628267877414568,0.0,0.06590092718963263,0.0,0.1413858067120382,0.14982206244993593,0.0,0.07657834092297486,0.0638925963627725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054009015222373606,0.0,0.14609149320578435,0.0,0.039729053250448884,0.11726726630901235,0.0,0.07707134498443899,0.07700907368227744,0.0,0.0,0.14883195856741374,0.06262182827814455,0.06901746339160787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385927141985896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937067817997804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209188201752725,0.0,0.0,0.07402010412778781,0.0,0.0,0.09875300846910298,0.1024572668482927,0.07006393441796603,0.061728065047204725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631039271966701,0.1188627511967434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087346646982089,0.0,0.0,0.07764953801338066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518342337846484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656018183374513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947980318521426,0.053166479033398974,0.07438465523482499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608353684820177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895668372285773,0.07187476201195837,0.0,0.5253683581496893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998785891647777,0.07074835918669932,0.22282335358925848,0.06363957660690261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565353080819232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923092190097427,0.0,0.06913858214799275,0.0,0.0989593106312806,0.0,0.11165365728012612,0.0,0.0,0.07308067642933079,0.08002536810438153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265884899909175,0.05256043013736992,0.0,0.0,0.06435982983197318,0.0,0.0,0.09288455877284374,0.04479278705585922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746142094779618,0.07603739076068837,0.0,0.0,0.08408801960551222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616113632184171,0.05548793685551245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450170162019479
bpd,-MyCrazyMind-,2019/06/08,"I currently have a rope around my neck because it’s been 36 seconds and my boyfriend hasn’t answered my text message He must not love me anymore. 

Edit: he answered, rope removed",2.6297058823529404,5.448301088235297,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,82.23529411764707,4.576470588235295,34.97058823529412,5.985473137389443,2.1441411764705887,143,9,25,1,4,44,29,34,0.10400000000000001,0.8959999999999999,0.0,-0.5216,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,6,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762193760755875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172342694591553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541866493674906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.524396566104265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,speesceek,2019/06/08,"how to stop the compulsive talking thing there have been a couple DAE threads about this lately, i mean the thing like when im alone i say things out loud sometimes in a mantra without doing it on purpose.

 i didnt know it was a bpd thing but apparently some of you have it too and i was wondering how you guys overcome it since i dont really have control over it

its just that i live in a group home now and the walls are EXTREMELY thin and i think my neighbor has heard me say that i should ""just fucking kill myself"" a little too often in the past half hour, and i want to stop but i only notice im saying it when ive already said it",3.549333333333333,4.047491044444442,4.594814814814813,88.83666666666667,71.8888888888889,7.481481481481483,25.37037037037037,7.3871296695380915,0.9818148148148153,501,14,112,5,9,164,88,135,0.10300000000000001,0.871,0.026000000000000002,-0.8931,1,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,1,12,3,2,0,9,0,13,1,0,3,0,23,21,10,1,2,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,6,2,1,15,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,7,16,1,11,14,1,17,0,0,0,1,11,9,1,3,9,82,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100547412104431,0.1608946128937966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363078050582493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352779622180946,0.0,0.16132561602806303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087724413151684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479032643884628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443655393777198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462499125898451,0.0,0.1435842442231794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149793844136094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130678704077692,0.0,0.0801282093109605,0.0,0.16446945321995385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123081965795798,0.14613052730879952,0.12874462118112046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881962121732682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659949754919358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088794371659794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918319220909128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340361244570096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868978035139098,0.3478395219324764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206077818960731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420054412585515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24379169846989535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718901782953035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874538210015318,0.09342315196083298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599698492971562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054659753459434,0.15811455605902666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,informal_rulebreaker,2019/06/08,"fragments-- a poem about abuse a reflection on an abusive relationship, circa 2 years ago: 

I do not remember 

when his true nature was revealed 

piece by piece over time

or within the blink of an eye?

I do not remember

when the cleverly shrouded charm

was repealed

and in its place stood impending harm

I do not remember 

when the kiss from his lips

was so seamlessly replaced

by the sting of his fist

Perhaps it’s for the best

that my memory fails me

Originally posted on my wordpress: https://bipolargod.home.blog/",6.592406832298138,8.726876532608696,6.2096273291925455,73.95152173913044,66.28260869565217,10.039751552795034,32.70807453416149,10.290406445055957,3.756724844720496,419,18,68,11,7,130,67,92,0.138,0.7140000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.0258,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,9,0,6,3,2,1,1,12,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,9,5,12,3,3,14,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,1,7,51,12,1,0.0,0.4839692846408022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104167852620207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433164609229075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486398825009827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133817213978227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560032186572954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927156217635496,0.6940740749529374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909085637714575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152040696396222
bpd,z0mbiicatt,2019/06/08,"I’m starting to realize I’m starting to realize that even though everyone does not deal with BPD like I do, we’re all a little fucked up in our own ways. Maybe I’ll be ok after all. Maybe I just need to embrace this shit. I don’t know anymore.",2.1687735849056606,3.1558454528301887,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,75.60377358490567,7.564150943396226,26.45754716981132,8.07648339933343,1.4339849056603768,191,7,44,3,4,65,40,53,0.154,0.7170000000000001,0.129,-0.5199,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,2,9,10,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,7,9,3,7,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,4,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378340107095765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30204110038228943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472407836346699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986546173272536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839685838025808,0.0,0.0,0.22915540854914135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217069404504639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179714449439595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171624663978356,0.2403596235130849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818567947845525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782125741389387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461686912574383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33948739596259075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356189724591675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035556200065276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pamelaperejil,2019/06/08,"Is self harm a suicidal gesture, an attempt at emotional regulation, or something else? I may or not have BPD, but I've self harmed on occasion.  My therapist (when he eventually found out) seemed to be more concerned about my safety then I thought he needed to be.   I'm not an expert on self harm, and I'm sure there must be varying degrees of severity.  The impression I get is that some consider self harm to be a sort of practice or reheasal for suicide.  Or a kind of problem that escalates over time to eventually include suicide attempts.  A sort of suicide spectrum.  I had always thought that self harm was very different from a suicidal gesture.  More a kind of emotional self-regulating.  What are your thoughts?  What does self harm really mean?",4.6958695652173885,7.063135760869567,5.483405797101451,76.23206521739135,71.82608695652173,9.237681159420287,36.13768115942029,9.725611199111238,4.069828985507247,597,34,102,16,12,194,84,138,0.326,0.605,0.069,-0.995,1,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,1,0,2,3,11,0,0,9,0,12,0,0,0,2,23,22,8,5,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,6,0,7,4,17,10,3,8,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,9,3,64,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805602542473129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814827750068042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800971369740293,0.0,0.0,0.0820922807499491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836480245013001,0.21104343601067596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285596559370894,0.0,0.0,0.049010968093732836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537383019095625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218474608913652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955767026363464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976187976046683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060096002927192436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539955859540975,0.6850376539781903,0.1059766843154602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221821702353902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130553053387066,0.0,0.08841321823611807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891867354895256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341994944084095,0.05470037761923165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774016768565361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PornConsumerAccount,2019/06/08,"BPD and psychedelics Is anyone willing to share your experiences, good or bad, and on which substances?

My wife wants to try shrooms and I'm curious whether this is a good idea or not.",7.102,7.2038684857142865,5.732142857142858,85.13535714285717,64.14285714285714,9.285714285714286,37.5,8.841846274778883,2.9478571428571434,147,7,30,2,2,43,29,35,0.084,0.67,0.24600000000000002,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,5,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23806780398901464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842821257771101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288159249123691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330495568411945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5711479948780348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843544569574516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115994992980285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082078032196407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nanamish,2019/06/08,"BPD and drinking... I’ve posted before about starting DBT, I’m still waiting to actually get there. I’ve had a shit night, I managed to not drink for a week which for me is good. Side note I guess I’ve got a nightmare addictive personality or BPD self destructive personality. Anyway! To the point. HOW do people stop drinking, and HOW do I implement it? I’m hoping I’ll get the tools/know how to do so later but atm I just keep falling back into it at any kind of emotion. Thanks for any help/advice!",0.7816450875856802,3.2699564257425777,3.0954455445544533,86.70764661081495,88.70297029702971,5.483929931454684,21.63061690784463,7.010146845296331,0.8136193450114241,393,14,79,6,13,134,70,101,0.09300000000000001,0.826,0.081,0.2462,0,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,2,0,5,0,5,5,1,3,0,15,16,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,3,3,3,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,4,11,14,0,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,3,7,43,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.15155280601589696,0.16930261351156387,0.0,0.1517597742244765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122200743526645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941801156256415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215096161200698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911960433880706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564118828123295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746943732419722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227825920506408,0.0,0.0,0.130260341795245,0.12420957072664365,0.0,0.17108317734217934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040959705949748,0.0,0.0,0.15425039250881706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803996918308034,0.0,0.16172362172574775,0.08535017484507341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574084564243386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076671768345552,0.2712082493422073,0.0,0.0,0.14681103035526086,0.0,0.14873683467685625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620143442249452,0.0,0.15941575153852156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992388611400383,0.0,0.12402475147389552,0.12983981714500115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298164689377316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457427204548913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MoldySixth,2019/06/08,"i’m not even sure you have BPD hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah YES OF COURSE I DONT I AM THE ABSOLUTE PARAGON OF FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH. I DONT DO DUMB SHIT. AND I’M NOT WORTH YOUR FUCKING TRUST, YOUR TIME, NOTHING. i tell you what the fuck i’m up to all the fucking time. stopped talking to other fucks. i was honest with you from the beginning.yeah. cutting? nah that shit heals. you know what it is!!!!!! i hold my fucking shit together and it’s fine!!!!!!!! i can try my damned best to keep shit together and as soon as it falls apart WOW!!!!! guess there’s a monster underneath that thin skin after all. a trigger? really? something as small as that?

I’m just a fucking fucktoy for you and you’re never gonna believe me. 


i never wanted these fucking scars but guess i have fresh fucking ones ill have to heal over. 


cant wait to give myself new ones. why not? why the fuck not? it’s time anyway. nothing fucking matters anymore.",1.1296670828131532,3.759167730337083,2.4934706616729088,88.92778818143991,93.6067415730337,4.210070744902206,21.761131918435286,6.037888025583468,0.3285736163129425,728,27,143,7,27,234,107,178,0.175,0.732,0.09300000000000001,-0.9053,0,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,7,0,1,5,24,18,0,8,1,11,20,5,1,5,26,34,9,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,11,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,9,18,0,2,1,2,20,6,18,32,3,16,0,0,0,11,10,6,17,2,9,89,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837516189310732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890381994563056,0.0829356678652547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953378858728984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524192343914367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219766248684991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8036676095511869,0.0,0.07581145973479725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411788377957374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840037344570333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024427440660415,0.0,0.0,0.04343206636418051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964226781168993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190349748164235,0.07632633996196612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166019714024848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710368522836893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062776179925158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244869978478519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084009769275351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660714704473773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448354523987889,0.0,0.0,0.06352021645427039,0.0690745029156144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382466829844261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365524983910838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466131314889616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262208665499393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NikiNaks,2019/03/02,"I feel guilty for being like this without a reason My mom snapped at me sometimes, but jeez kids are annoying- I was probably being a shit or not listening. And it's not like it was all the time. I don't think she is borderline.I wasn't abused. I wasn't really bullied. Just a couple faggoty comments because I had short hair at 10 and then the next year my lovely, nice parents moved me to a different school. I grew up priveleged, and pretty enough. I didn't really have friends, and was lonely. I don't think I liked anyone but was desperate for people to like me even though I thought I was better than them because I got better marks and they made a noise in class and took forever to line up and made me so damn impatient how slow they all walked as they walked together like normal people do. But it's not like I spent a childhood and teenagerhood in total social isolation. There were 'friends' or playdates or later in highschool people I had lunch with when I didn't feel like eating alone in a classroom because then I didn't have to talk. So why am I like this? Just got myself to blame for being too sensitive? People here post about their mothers screaming abuse at them every day, or being raped by their fathers, or humiliated and tormented at school- all tramutic events as the backstory for why they are like this. What do I have? My mom often got tense while cooking her family Sunday breakfasts and snapped about no one helping her (which is like the universal passive aggressive comment moms make so what am i bitching about?) and then sometimes we would proceed to spend said breakfasts in shitty silence? Like that's it? I would feel terrible if my parents ever saw this- like all the holidays and fun evenings watching tv together meant nothing to me. I feel guilty for being this mentally not alright human when my life has probably been great compared to yours. 
",5.907690875232774,7.032604215083801,5.785041899441342,80.1549185288641,66.9050279329609,8.759962756052142,32.235102420856606,8.959647251330699,2.7411895716945995,1511,62,271,25,24,472,190,358,0.195,0.619,0.18600000000000005,-0.5703,3,4,0,0,2,0,31.0,1,1,8,2,19,30,6,0,12,1,35,10,2,5,6,53,55,34,0,4,16,7,5,12,2,2,1,3,0,2,13,14,5,0,9,3,2,5,13,9,0,1,25,10,45,21,33,23,6,35,0,1,2,2,32,12,4,7,29,191,58,5,0.0,0.20045438099881469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761136602097498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059148400011295225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469872715859548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962875756664035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935989749819551,0.0,0.0545545714034244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838019733216758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655830527025705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740571551990561,0.0,0.11174388237492977,0.07651792761669109,0.07127205506474396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797454137366,0.0,0.17108817938616472,0.060432242086473686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071049067400906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029668437935303,0.09326251625162577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669995336560136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597495350516212,0.495926080774396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634720417190488,0.16008519781477676,0.0564655369182864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524841709783637,0.0,0.0,0.2972179104823753,0.0,0.08990746294010762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899641056440723,0.0,0.0828817884998142,0.08116790303812957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732144426532265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187857879046638,0.0,0.0,0.234580603673047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101535094704257,0.08606004869755815,0.18240806247303465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838306525367453,0.08697423356988787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046596443248404,0.0,0.0,0.17122239140260498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683204187744817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862304635579496,0.0,0.0,0.1673264724390997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799150821824884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840573838684492,0.0831107984495877,0.0671562660291962,0.04932603091829948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398435858015956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266148823481998,0.0,0.0,0.08154326504571388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018286362168094,0.0,0.0,0.05447420446576533
bpd,Zombeige,2019/03/02,"How have you guys tried to find hobbies/things you like in the past? I love doing things with my FP and get genuine joy out of them, but the moment I’m by myself I feel absolutely nothing. It feels like everything I try to do for myself either does nothing for me or I end up talking myself out of liking it because I feel like it’s something I shouldn’t enjoy (because I’ll be judged, because it doesn’t do anything to better myself, because it’s juvenile, etc etc etc). 

Does anyone have any advice on trying to reset that and figure out your interests again? I feel like I’ve been so out of touch with myself for so long that I don’t even know how to start. 

(Bonus points if you can give advice on how not to talk yourself out of enjoying something!)",5.355882352941176,5.2864245882352945,6.002091503267978,82.3094117647059,67.82352941176471,8.10718954248366,28.764705882352942,7.3871296695380915,1.6036745098039211,594,18,118,5,9,194,89,153,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.9882,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,1,2,7,12,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,3,0,25,21,10,0,2,5,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,7,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,20,12,25,18,4,16,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,2,11,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515077585038356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853013245177185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770832619222305,0.0,0.10322379741082134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305860432867313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093865492461163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195411756679068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109977202159584,0.0,0.4196855647661008,0.08284982250960406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273450644767599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536984574793185,0.2688362221346124,0.0,0.0,0.11464696151996392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553555010059244,0.12033040722473545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242021518447231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893678410224259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064104189031679,0.0,0.0,0.11100761957141947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321160819388072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407199827771337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974361781558755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857831951486138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313475183228634,0.0,0.0,0.08878481172974413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164269464494672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333463532273766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554900572606195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aj_carrier,2019/03/02,"Splitting My boyfriend just left me to hang out with a friend and I hate him. Am I that horrible to hang out with that he chose her over me ? That he didn’t even invite me ? 
I knew something was up when he was being all lovey-dovey (which he never is). I was so happy because he was finally returning some affection but then he told me he was leaving and I knew it was all just to cutler the guilt he felt over leaving me.
This disorder has left me with no friends and now I’m planning on running for hours until he gets back and if I can’t do that I’ll be turning back to razors.",1.4692017738359198,3.160436422764228,2.9692830746489283,93.69033259423506,79.08130081300813,6.098743532889874,23.376940133037692,6.980632752743323,0.6246,452,15,103,5,11,148,77,123,0.109,0.792,0.099,-0.3268,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,2,0,14,0,0,1,3,21,22,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,11,1,15,3,15,9,3,21,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,2,10,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085825841270396,0.0,0.12231741191829767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299679882343539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253072026693125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926602453756365,0.2198077199969336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100510758583941,0.0,0.10483394405478952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360095479403635,0.0,0.1981052486282021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976047340453289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42492929792328027,0.436024440490214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475748869377293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447400485342486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173442995423576,0.0,0.0,0.21825499607563886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buzzbees789,2019/03/02,"Need for attention Is the need for attention also a part of BPD? 

I was “diagnosed” with it only a few weeks ago but I had suspected it myself for a while. Ever since I got the confirmation, I feel a bit revealed but also more confused.
 
Now I have this urge to create some drama to a few of my friends, like something minor has happened to me. So I could get their attention. I actually just want one specific person’s attention from the group. 
",2.8475,4.997930574712648,4.927112068965517,79.1072198275862,76.58620689655173,8.48793103448276,26.96695402298851,9.188382445141503,2.5890471264367814,348,14,65,9,8,120,62,87,0.067,0.7979999999999999,0.135,0.6966,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,8,0,6,1,0,0,1,18,13,6,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,11,2,10,9,6,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2193836744407358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928190296961704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35956348159223145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24543602170853926,0.0,0.2831423174578181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949375503515658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817902334744816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335494650382788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367149062372685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368887048049172,0.0,0.11745477276916524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980235894714627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988001393925227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983158322814167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33338987875297377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233814604192378,0.1709793384070145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434490354322393,0.0,0.0,0.19629680189851334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185966463658406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307093902066176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259969565185373,0.0,0.180330290547392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,livebebrave,2019/03/02,"Having a hard time today Like the title says, I am having a hard time today. My partner is off with a friend today, which is perfectly normal behavior, but I hate being alone and all I can do is eat and sleep today. When I was younger, I thought I would get out of this, but I'm 32 and feel like I'll never get out of this abandonment cycle. It sucks. I also feel so guilty for being sad or upset because my family has always expected me to be the strong one and they don't understand when I'm upset. I feel shame for when I feel upset because of them. I don't feel worthy for feeling like this because I feel like I'm only supposed to be strong and that's it. I feel like nothing if I'm sad or can't snap out of it.",3.2760000000000002,3.457802825806453,5.147903225806452,85.76185483870971,72.35483870967742,7.748387096774191,24.532258064516128,7.554174236665415,1.0422129032258058,558,14,123,6,10,193,81,155,0.265,0.574,0.161,-0.9694,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,3,5,18,2,4,5,0,18,2,1,0,3,31,36,15,0,4,5,0,10,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,1,10,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,11,17,9,14,29,1,14,0,3,0,0,5,4,1,3,15,80,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638486909765706,0.0,0.09758625929704998,0.10153760396637744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316257889224586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486576317366654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503774149378952,0.0,0.493610775357621,0.3487091391109394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427902453644058,0.0,0.1275098556769063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186273850927842,0.12047801830396568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980851479256153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411600997263968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956215803804385,0.1170897711827638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268976457035303,0.09280827951903704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097042072375885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211676759536333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968771094055924,0.14231176259079836,0.0,0.4626755290324853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703611778090773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668564466265291,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sugarborscht,2019/03/02,"DAE feel like they had BPD since they were born? Hi, I was lurking there during bad times, and somewhat felt like I wanted to share something of mine too. Forgive me my terrible English though ;; And for the long post! TLDR at the end of the post.

First, I know that BPD cannot be diagnosed until you are an adult, so I know this is not true. But I was wondering if someone else felt like me.

I feel like I had BPD since I was born. Since I knew I had BPD I kept finding out some problematic behaviours I did in past, even as a child. I also didn't have any trauma during my childhood, so I always felt it was weird I got BPD. Maybe I'm just trying to validate my BPD with this way of thinking. 

Some of reasons I feel like I had BPD since always are:

* As a child, everytime someone said ""no"" to me or just did something I didn't like, I started to uncontrollably cry and scream and feel furious, and it continued until I started to force myself to control it (which I started to when I was around 12 years old. Until then, everyday I cried, because there was always something I didn't agree with)

* After I started to supress my emotions forcefully, I started to be very conscious of what people thought about me. I did a 180 degrees flip and now I'm people pleaser who never gets angry with anyone, afraid that everyone hates me

* I was terribly afraid to be alone. My mom told me (I don't remember it), that when she slept after she came back from her night shift, I stayed by her bed and kept asking her ""are you awake yet?"" everytime she stirred.

* I always had one-sided ""best friends"" who were my FPs. First one I remember was when I was in 1st or 2nd grade.

* Since I was a child (like elementary school) I was very influenced by characters I liked. For example, I loved cute characters so I tried to be as cute as I can. Everytime someone said I was cute I felt like I was validated. Then I realised how fake it was and suddenly stopped.

* I always imagined bad things happening to me so people would give me attention and pity

And many, many more small things like that. Dunno, maybe it's actually nothing and I'm just exaggerating. BPD makes me always doubt everything I think, I don't know what's actually true. So I hope for some honest words from you guys!

**TL;DR;** 

I feel like I always had BPD, but dunno if that's my BPD trying to exaggerate of if it's true. DAE think like they had BPD since they were born?

",1.9154591836734696,4.20824425,3.349158163265308,88.49839285714287,80.45833333333334,6.585034013605442,23.33758503401361,7.745696148679241,1.1796067176870744,1880,65,386,32,49,615,210,480,0.09699999999999999,0.792,0.111,0.7545,0,1,3,0,0,0,75.0,0,3,4,4,23,40,2,4,8,0,44,3,1,5,4,76,87,38,0,6,11,1,9,12,1,1,1,3,1,5,21,17,0,4,26,0,0,1,9,15,0,3,44,12,80,25,44,38,6,47,0,1,0,1,31,6,0,14,48,250,101,2,0.0,0.0,0.09366995348133636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497070507598916,0.0,0.03838058447169235,0.2795425124305201,0.0,0.0,0.0326373957216941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03355834585462278,0.0,0.0,0.04272461269503909,0.04486767749558015,0.0,0.0,0.03690423121141597,0.0801455529665477,0.029256544489604082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050366479562410235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6649109271629013,0.0,0.0,0.054892064228090634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382907152713543,0.0,0.0,0.1054377613493968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048712645908722936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04009261963502789,0.05398650887833215,0.04250821712980131,0.0,0.0,0.031699419182598984,0.0,0.0,0.04586008477592587,0.04313368777361027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213354100529822,0.1371469781309992,0.18432610539455546,0.0,0.043865417947169964,0.08164691832937453,0.0,0.0,0.03707985213486915,0.0,0.025074753464439558,0.046039978161541095,0.0,0.0,0.03838498612384998,0.0,0.0,0.047521357987825384,0.04244071455283062,0.0,0.0,0.04738389186967469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766862280749586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791283294338016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813678634380077,0.0,0.0,0.04247295840433445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331623310427697,0.0,0.0320362007494534,0.09731625900477102,0.0964323451869855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056209699852411664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037015738659456274,0.0,0.0,0.04503888311452788,0.0,0.04605129744723237,0.0,0.05036136712375433,0.0,0.06504361406816887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045815464905036137,0.09981846965441596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192949145185038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049345568265949206,0.0,0.0,0.10873512567485576,0.0,0.09130609326492052,0.0,0.0,0.04857223718348204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23820555532737056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199484568588953,0.11084380035363092,0.0,0.0,0.16985111608072778,0.05115495164354253,0.0,0.04012492395133136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376982973544107,0.09225737113895184,0.047153615619230614,0.03810167648292182,0.027985541534107556,0.0,0.0,0.04586008477592587,0.0,0.09775381741043274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791997399928951,0.028307957178244338,0.038095204761649334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520471745123872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03409338293550753,0.0,0.0,0.030906401411847063
bpd,hi95,2019/03/02,Sensitivity I feel like everything is a cycle. I would feel content with my life for a period of time and then feel so empty. It has been almost four month where I haven’t felt empty and feel like “what’s the point of everything” and I’m really grateful because honestly that’s the longest I haven’t questioned what the point of life but again I don’t know if it is this disorder but I tend to be sensitive and overly care of what others think of me when I do some action and it effects me to the point where I would dwell on it and be stressed thinking of how they will think of me. I know what happen happened but I tend to overthink and dwell on something to the point where I beat myself in. I try my best for it to not trigger me into going to a depressive state so I try to brush it off. I don’t know if it’s related to this disorder but wanted to my word out to see if people react similarly. ,3.0385714285714305,4.126985105820108,4.721560846560847,85.25630952380955,73.60317460317461,7.93968253968254,25.14021164021164,8.418075326091056,1.4906656084656094,711,22,152,12,14,241,95,189,0.102,0.785,0.113,0.2352,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,3,8,9,0,3,8,0,14,2,0,4,0,40,34,19,0,6,8,0,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,10,0,0,13,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,2,7,23,5,27,27,2,23,0,1,1,0,2,14,0,6,8,114,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288729276355393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089720002969307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926823016981962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530404001430746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430069020078197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041883580245645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23853771036288896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684033978443027,0.18961238787570714,0.1274199164574633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542067434870599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347054332273201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879755131356335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874703241920084,0.1296682658391185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592578154027554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200260257621436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018055558505035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866266086640567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850157593798659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575061707613274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021646409454966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201587971011915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25510063260866045,0.0,0.0,0.07738275284794646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801992285527289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827426356158197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885430605109716,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jcknapier,2019/03/02,"An unhealthy friendship ended but I'm not happy I had a friend for three months. We started off by dating and the three months I knew him were messy and painful. No matter how hard I tried not to, he became the centre of my thoughts. We spent every day together. He never wanted me to but I instinctively put him before everything. I let my happiness deteriorate and lost all self respect. I don't have many friends at all. But he has friends and I got to hang out with them. Even though he was hurting me I saw him as improving my life. I had someone who messaged me in the mornings and invited me out on Saturday nights. 

​

But he kept hurting me even if he didn't mean to. And I was so afraid of being left alone that I kept all the hurt inside. I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings and I was constantly resentful of him. I started treating him worse because I thought I was justified because of how he was treating me. And then I snapped. I told him how he was hurting me and that I thought he was a bad person. I was mean about it. I was angry. And I was certainly not justified. 

​

We're not friends anymore. Unsurprisingly. Now I don't have anywhere to go on Saturday night. Now I don't get to hear about his cool ideas. I know logically it's for the best. He was hurting me so now the hurt should stop. But now it just hurts more. Now I'm lonely and missing him. I'm no longer angry, I'm just very very sad. 

​

He told me we could maybe be friends again after I've found happiness within myself. I don't know if he really meant it and I don't know if that will ever happen. I really miss having a friend. I really just miss him. 

​

Sorry if this is not fitting with the sub, I wasn't sure. I just wish I could have healthy relationships.",1.1870927098773765,3.5716630414364667,2.815293087185016,90.60423190944618,84.33149171270719,5.852149306023447,23.470152270583487,7.217587316427113,0.9759774154426633,1399,53,293,21,41,459,167,362,0.28300000000000003,0.616,0.10099999999999999,-0.9974,0,3,0,0,0,0,53.0,3,0,1,2,21,33,1,1,12,1,35,2,0,3,7,71,70,29,0,10,18,0,1,0,6,2,2,1,1,2,9,20,0,3,13,0,1,3,16,17,0,2,30,4,58,16,30,32,5,38,0,13,1,0,39,12,0,4,23,200,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687428696191564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876623904298673,0.32260399203736034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582462024024728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055419052366914134,0.08092126942195145,0.0,0.056478911238161435,0.0,0.06965483336477521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172611213328715,0.0,0.10598758653382316,0.0,0.0,0.0428053797062897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878716969172072,0.0,0.0,0.08767806605137399,0.06003857901750938,0.05592248827203603,0.0,0.05965217065759301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727750542104519,0.3076797438396806,0.0,0.0693547688622602,0.0,0.03772155715350321,0.0,0.053084905583939766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869381631877432,0.2119672923984825,0.059457567729082575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480769397726887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497379003443176,0.07492753798486243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943132513986516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211493987264886,0.06787134226192114,0.04688152558739322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245445347602565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729225333548655,0.06668104454919069,0.1446002746305075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595729770134453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051191290926014266,0.0,0.0,0.12457395972615805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706260228779144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057954730161660625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672364254147665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756158125432265,0.0,0.0,0.07126023806326431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924197641221116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562380027446801,0.0,0.0,0.07429963520712789,0.0939589289560267,0.0,0.0,0.05549117023636814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255618439741284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521157061283786,0.1580792989341992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684533804683956,0.0,0.04506321083421588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953008309629488,0.039148776274992934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632618365884958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764020871543829,0.0,0.0,0.32260399203736034,0.0
bpd,jd-rey,2019/03/02,"My problem is that I swim the whole ocean for people who wouldn’t cross a bridge for me. I try my best to be the best person I can for them, but slight change in a voice, text or action and I feel abandoned. Which I don’t know if it’s worse to be actually abandoned or to constantly think I’m being abandoned, even sometimes when I’m really not/imagining...",5.705270270270269,4.927425878378378,6.295270270270272,82.87912162162164,67.24324324324324,9.562162162162162,29.31081081081081,8.841846274778883,1.9707675675675675,281,8,61,4,4,92,54,74,0.233,0.6990000000000001,0.067,-0.93,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,2,6,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,12,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,1,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,2,9,2,7,8,3,6,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2491394529586701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358506842061432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700773213521395,0.0,0.0,0.2758924571737256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862559787293732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908915425537856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403081634041006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699534732040387,0.2229212267831866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429103367688365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355400214555976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250175540118003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358821673122886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333436311292366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850373146234734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601761454959078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ahershykiss,2019/03/02,"Bad Anniversaries/New llove The last month has been life changing. I realized I have deeper issues than PTSD. I went back to therapy, of course, I have to wait months to talk to anyone. 

Get diagnosed.

Tell kids counselors about what issues they face at home.

Tell dad. Went well

Tell new love. He does not seem to understand. He does not believe about the way the energy bursts out before I know its happening. Control? Worse is when I'm overwhelmed with lives events. So,

There are a few days that fuck with me. Fuck me up. And people. Another part of me comes out... And that is how I have always referred to these different sides of me. 

Holidays. My new love made Valentine's a better time. Next year, I won't dread the day and hide. Yay! 

But then, my daughter's birthday all through mid March is a time that inner despair bubbles to the surface. And I have all this shit in real life, and in my head. I'm finally figuring out wtf is wrong with me, a vital thing to ensure my daughter's don't go through the 41 years of confusion I have.
",0.9605042016806706,3.542309588235298,2.0014285714285727,93.69,90.37254901960785,5.463305322128852,20.521008403361343,7.021680442328713,0.6319949579831929,812,27,166,13,28,255,130,204,0.14,0.726,0.134,-0.5043,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,8,15,3,3,10,1,14,10,3,3,2,29,31,10,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,8,12,0,2,6,1,0,4,4,9,1,0,4,0,19,6,27,26,4,34,0,2,0,4,13,11,3,2,18,97,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583970508752994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077717781744235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053713760307697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856697407211894,0.09617120962254444,0.0,0.0,0.09801043106938916,0.1297693901174228,0.0,0.1018681133827856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184608077547444,0.09921811479327512,0.0,0.0,0.1291851320505294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485642561136208,0.0,0.0,0.11690615155932522,0.0,0.12033948699489108,0.0,0.0,0.20159109906574949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261750055849256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129657039653053,0.060177247081164266,0.0,0.0654599388722884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185405689307483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182087952719228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553579701319147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24043779240217095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330039014754571,0.09388777645242832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271129989157296,0.0,0.0,0.10170681237285734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079104519083768,0.10898691766947548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387253215390484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333727186103536,0.1224961546586346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247296504984852,0.0,0.07985190788517216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464026528424772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110103856497127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048563319212519,0.0,0.0,0.11823150083019547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257801482657446,0.3020194535859503,0.0,0.1317193551240066,0.0,0.07652104747023053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432577512568705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990734061066187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914252079407456,0.0,0.0,0.10356142863760068,0.2135476281758376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737913972647908,0.0,0.1259321924599212,0.0,0.14834539903157806
bpd,The_Jeremy_O,2019/03/02,"People with BPD in Austin i’m not sure if this is allowed here. 
but i’m wondering if anyone with BPD who lives in Austin, TX would like to talk. i don’t know anybody who also has BPD so it would be nice to talk to someone who is experiencing the same things and lives in the same area. ",1.965737704918034,3.3655931147540983,3.289311475409839,93.20937704918032,76.86885245901641,6.191475409836067,20.39672131147541,6.742157984588678,0.0212334426229508,224,5,53,2,5,73,41,61,0.023,0.8059999999999999,0.172,0.8961,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,15,11,6,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,8,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,1,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528551634416491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133650034543457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7222051308538195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504594006716432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933817001162078,0.0,0.3375615124026447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325129072728116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195291041932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801478650279243,0.0,0.0,0.30726333832514136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698540005359082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728395558005905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27156176450253755,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ohbabynomore,2019/03/02,"I understood that my love life can last only if other people make efforts not to give up Taking a look back on my previous relationships i remember myself breaking up (in my head or telling my SO that I am done with them; or acting impulsively) and all of those relationships stayed because the people still wanted to be with me. 
It was when I was a was 16-20, would “break-up” with my long-term SO at least once per month with no particular reason. Just get impulsive, creating drama, not answering the calls or messages. I didn’t know what it was back then, thought I love drama and I am unstable. Well, I really do love drama, but I have an explanation for it I guess now - BPD.

The only fucked-up relationships I had were with a man who most probably also had a borderline (it only now makes sense as I learned what is BPD only a couple of weeks ago). We were randomly cold/randomly close to each other, but resembling each other so much. So rarely our “phases” matched, and in those rare times it was perfect.

All my choices in life are made by impulses. And if I had to follow my choices and keep up the consequences of them it was only because of the tough situations (like understanding that I really need to finish the business because I have started it/ no way back). 

I have no idea how to live with this kind of realization. Understanding that I have BPD makes so much sense now, but at the same time I know it will be like that all my life. Unless by some miracle I will find my true self/my truest love.

I am also adapting to changing quite fast, but then I don’t know if this change is what I wanted? Like how?

I don’t know about the medical treatment. Mood stabilizers - I have no idea how they work, and I am not sure it will help me to dig inside and find my real self, instead probably putting my mind in a cage of stability - and medicated stability is probably not what I search.

I needed to share and I would love if you share something you can relate to my post. 
",4.0254456233421765,5.382831335897438,5.32764809902741,80.81884615384617,71.53846153846155,8.866489832007074,27.03801945181256,9.314750747691287,2.2238337754199824,1551,53,310,34,29,518,188,390,0.04,0.818,0.142,0.9925,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,2,2,3,4,22,18,0,0,15,0,38,11,1,8,7,80,67,35,0,10,17,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,0,2,26,19,0,1,16,3,0,3,11,1,1,0,16,1,50,16,38,44,11,37,0,0,1,5,25,11,0,11,22,229,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843345750059943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234741934397377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780869251758267,0.0,0.14118186122277598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916934371806706,0.0,0.0788301948890443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333548027628056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542072542684287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790027674746714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411194533767084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403339996294932,0.07405761594996317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504489566667281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922983745451068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051745771244734014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742996098983345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861922346418503,0.0,0.08039229075687608,0.16970918655114306,0.06292859385107183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358668336945018,0.1131485830534122,0.0,0.06816932863397437,0.06831988561615934,0.06482885554780549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34838167650514884,0.0730488433771534,0.15459551109740538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554247335563798,0.0,0.0,0.07795035210929029,0.0,0.0616205875433849,0.0,0.11350228874357834,0.11448617139234188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221585948426184,0.0,0.2935717472082989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704201269662154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393660080081879,0.0,0.24970512267610995,0.0,0.0,0.0776076805588146,0.0,0.08211208127710841,0.0,0.0878709063206854,0.0989130496326333,0.07937482356420894,0.0,0.2486528724231955,0.08745295392240368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107361594713485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677643459740893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059432605638380674,0.0,0.0,0.05464280925261892,0.08228530755301297,0.061652303943866574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727604218051324,0.0,0.058045059932421664,0.0,0.06747651379823236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128845921953663,0.09003229670582044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607365862130887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106954020172148,0.061278049131007664,0.06192546884765135,0.0,0.0694123913422787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056202778545507454,0.0,0.0,0.1096818356869668,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Panda-Peanut,2019/03/02,"If anyone ever feels lonely or needs a chat, come and join The Hideaway on discord! We are a new server, but hope to provide a fun place for people of all ages and orientations to chill, relax, and generally have a good time.  
Our main focus is to try to encourage people who have concerns about their mental health to seek help by providing resources and information, but that’s just part of this server. Here you can chat about anything, make friends, get things off your mind and just relax and hangout. There's no requirements to join, you do not have to be affected by bad mental health. But what we do emphasize is a safe, caring, social environment with active members who are there for each other and willing to support other members. 

 [https://discord.gg/dt7XG7C](https://discord.gg/dt7XG7C)  ",10.441273291925468,10.180304224637684,8.68697722567288,67.89456521739133,57.47826086956522,10.784265010351968,35.656314699792965,9.957137785484203,3.521518426501036,645,22,100,10,7,194,96,138,0.07400000000000001,0.633,0.293,0.9917,0,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,3,3,1,1,8,12,0,0,6,0,12,2,0,2,2,32,20,12,0,3,8,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,12,0,2,2,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,7,10,19,18,4,8,0,1,0,0,16,3,0,3,4,76,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453238157450698,0.0,0.15833095788884813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064814636431454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616728834638508,0.0,0.0,0.16573781581681335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740391799854836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972845428941096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864978261279047,0.0,0.1005224249007488,0.0,0.0,0.1613781844814092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090299639180179,0.0,0.0,0.12896341676158884,0.0,0.0,0.19109920913416747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843023914509386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877931634816408,0.0,0.19427179272752715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266410065548898,0.0,0.18582364392743653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835328190104446,0.0,0.2667754941578637,0.0,0.20101978124261732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613023555175388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833620675090795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278237476911857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121915117194948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306287455406409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WinterSeer,2019/03/02,"Does Anyone Else feel that their problems are not bad enough to feel bad about Now a lot of people have had trauma in their lives. I have not. 

I have two loving parents who are paying for my education. I have an entire family history of loving members with minimum drama within them. Heck, I have a little brother who actually gets along with me despite the age difference; he's my friend.

​

I am going to a prestigious university, and am surrounded by academics and role models, and know how to refrain from getting into trouble. 

​

So why should I complain that I feel like I should just curl up into a ball and rot there because honestly I don't like myself whatsoever. I am getting bad grades, I feel like an exposed nerve when talking to a specific group of people that are biased against me and treat me like ""The Meg"" of the group if you've watched Family Guy. I have other friends that I'd rather associate with but these guys are right next to my room, and it's hard to miss em. Okay, yu must be wondering, that's not that bad.

I know! That's the point. What if my problems are so tiny and I'm just a whiny snob. 

Like if I made a list of all the good things that my situation has and bad things. I'm privileged to have this sort of luxury of two parents that care and a brother that cares. Yet I myself find negativity in everything

I have Tourette's Syndrome and my room mate a few nights ago told me to leave because he couldn't sleep. He actually had an out-lash a few nights before that and complained how for 5 months he had to deal with me and my noises. So I spend more time out of the room. When I was up at 4:30 in the morning I felt like crap. Like all that happened was I got kicked out of my room because it was my fault. I didn't lose a limb or get bullied.

The other day I was playing a game. There's this guy in my toxic friend group, live right across, and he pretty much likes me the least. I was playing the second game in a franchise I admit I couldn't stop raving about for a solid month. When I got the social cues that they didn't care I stopped because the damage had been done. Now this guy continues to treat the fact that I love this franchise as some sort of sin. ""He's probably playing the Witcher."" ""Of course he's playing the Witcher."" ""Play a GOOD game!"" ""Witcher sucks!""

​

Now I've always been a logical thinker, but it seems that these people are just hypocrites. Yet they pride themselves on their logic! Simple, I confront him after another one of their snide comments about he likes a certain game so much and won't stop playing it and how would he like it if I berated him for being a fan boy. The thing is, my logic means snothing if the group is against me! In every situation I get hounded for saying my opinion. I once said I didn't like Wonder Woman as much as people say it is and gave my reasons why. Well then the entire den turned against me and said I was wrong.

I say anything that goes against one guy's thoughts and I get tackled by the entire squad in a patronizing way.

​

So I wonder why I feel bad about these things. People have so many bigger problems and I'm whining about my little ones and sometimes my sadness and hopelessness feels a little undeserved and unjustified. I know I've heard people with BPD also have concerns of treating small inconveniences as massive and trauma as nothing. I'm new to this sub and my eyes gravitated to that post because of how eerily relatable it was. I literally yelled ""whoa, what?"" when I saw the amount of relatable content. But I have to ask myself what is considered small and how small can I get to even be sad about this without ending up in a vicious cycle of hating oneself for hating oneself.

​",4.0719490624395895,5.556097740189444,4.725754639474194,84.6855505751015,71.59810554803789,7.2812777885173015,27.946090276435328,7.772667728589733,1.6512669437463758,2966,109,579,37,56,950,316,739,0.122,0.7040000000000001,0.175,0.9891,2,0,0,0,0,1,93.0,0,0,7,2,35,68,7,0,44,1,54,6,3,7,5,103,105,56,0,15,17,4,8,11,4,5,0,7,5,7,44,35,0,4,23,12,4,1,12,31,1,6,28,18,81,37,81,67,13,63,1,7,3,3,63,34,3,15,37,390,125,5,0.0,0.0,0.09577830763061074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043501148060571884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03924446730193835,0.04083350676088602,0.2658583414773014,0.29815146202756504,0.0,0.05145837732352282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034313688150586184,0.050282121562897325,0.040383728066039334,0.0,0.04587757395117047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458484863703351,0.1495753021214147,0.0,0.04175836722425375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061806996472850186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501026684925535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03164867604142315,0.05059314849108791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051271894579805036,0.0,0.0,0.04294499601766188,0.050219749383267835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040995037516335285,0.0,0.0434650060747401,0.050706569651185,0.0,0.0324129201450665,0.0,0.04134696916359543,0.0,0.044104555017705965,0.0,0.09252521650203956,0.0,0.14887976088754687,0.07011696373190128,0.047118744513815036,0.0,0.044852755214899016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374337296042356,0.0,0.17947400989049642,0.0,0.027889890250262915,0.08232190096978348,0.07849793605586358,0.0,0.0,0.2429549217876576,0.04339598412754498,0.0,0.043960672985040965,0.0969008482134788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809093759218854,0.0,0.0,0.05196228984927321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637259019404855,0.14755514779828882,0.08666649812543308,0.0,0.0,0.054901263474031764,0.0,0.0417209675854033,0.1328736274163087,0.046435013916624655,0.0,0.0497533426995686,0.0,0.053455982386827264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834081164993713,0.0,0.10822512952392337,0.0,0.0,0.04739598373347978,0.05219076534999394,0.09210526624510132,0.0,0.047087835210344285,0.0,0.0,0.05226221802866998,0.0997614557191342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089817590502178,0.0,0.0,0.20413043325963312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639080066738637,0.0,0.046999335354400935,0.049925909621703166,0.05291008185054112,0.14087159719411796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050456254561128656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381787117421638,0.0933612408702568,0.1170768650330738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467513474209605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103224845699884,0.04910944970568735,0.05002477218391247,0.0,0.0,0.048535449762939366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308420684647428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944382957854282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304103641125371,0.0,0.0,0.03895928156033957,0.02861544931584765,0.0,0.0,0.04689231866128447,0.0,0.0,0.05337842988261979,0.09587635220570496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038952664171434184,0.0,0.0,0.044123427681443325,0.0,0.1328449805631341,0.0,0.0,0.047305593507599435,0.15965600835100527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486076802222267,0.05365472512179578,0.29815146202756504,0.0
bpd,0seagirl,2019/03/02,"Does the idea of ""Radical Acceptance"" not sit right with anyone else? What if I don't want to accept something as it is? What if I want to change it? What am I allowed to change? I mean... boundaries? Basically the title. 

Throughout my life I became VERY used to stuffing my emotions, repressing things, and taking a position of inaction or submissiveness even when I could (or should) do something to change the situation, stand up for myself, defend myself, or something else... 

I've also been diagnosed with DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder), have been through sexual assault by penetration (to which I had a completely frozen response to), and have become more politically motivated over the years as a response to certain things I've been through. The position I'm in has led to me to want to act for more widespread change, so the concept of radical acceptance leaves me feeling very.... flat. 

I mean, where on Earth do you draw the line? How are you supposed to know? The notion that I need to accept **everything** gives me the feeling of having no boundaries of my own, which, on account of what I've been through, makes me feel kind of sick. Maybe I don't know enough about this? I have no idea, but it's something I'm really struggling with at the moment.  ",4.9363838475499096,7.069596767241379,5.447967332123412,77.75166061705991,70.55172413793105,8.677313974591652,31.176043557168786,9.276330184999452,2.9947465517241363,998,44,175,22,19,320,129,232,0.10800000000000001,0.847,0.045,-0.8771,1,0,4,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,0,1,7,9,1,2,13,0,19,3,0,8,1,41,36,14,0,8,7,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,5,0,1,14,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,5,3,22,6,38,29,4,15,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,6,3,126,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259668474801758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096259123039955,0.11863985114128775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788021702387026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899590288132656,0.0,0.12140290870865145,0.0,0.0,0.09244835752300926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175237318175456,0.0,0.0,0.13270460280934065,0.0,0.10132802229566504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345425361122234,0.13024741056093014,0.0,0.1196413295285643,0.0,0.07647775991820252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040639829687382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756396918092899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107567543100147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26142411753976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205767682462091,0.12726957437942896,0.0,0.0,0.1226041809903893,0.0,0.0,0.08178542752918172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729027637682921,0.0,0.11632594435054965,0.2522570486629662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585632045936863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110277607698752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741776092570151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888345449634274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015205743206365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35656113037005005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104814746508966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705916541767779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385057058739013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000480362577548,0.0,0.19107664610099928,0.2048866391256412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456453171887559
bpd,hesjustcrazy,2019/03/02,"DAE have no impulse control with what they say and then stand by it and make it worse I just called my mum a cunt because she wouldn't talk to me as nicely as I wanted her to. I called her a cunt under my breath (it just fell out of my mouth) and when she asked me what I said, obviously offended, I just looked her in the face and called her a cunt because she wanted me to back down or say sorry which I wont do dskldaklms d ncjasdfn and she keeps coming up to me and asking for an apology but I don't want to apologise because she made me so fucking angry and keeps making me more angry by talking to me. I'll probably start laughing at her if I said sorry bc I feel so apathetic toward the situation. Should I fake apologise?? ?fgm,dmvds",2.6832365591397824,3.948525490322584,4.444919354838714,86.20071236559141,74.74193548387099,7.489247311827956,24.52956989247312,8.07648339933343,1.2773118279569893,581,18,125,9,12,197,92,155,0.242,0.713,0.044000000000000004,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,5,0,6,0,6,4,3,4,1,29,23,16,0,6,6,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,6,10,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,6,31,2,20,17,1,14,0,0,1,1,24,7,4,2,4,89,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718306727422549,0.0,0.0,0.11179208014748626,0.0,0.2658760141364419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453629771382449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523629216484686,0.0,0.0,0.16306162412522465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351101724712315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440607684625644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25844971117085824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208677208809195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375667890066146,0.1940912141638645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674960449726902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765888290085372,0.2312319523722525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634188156460477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254931779456906,0.10290424137686932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337098893084036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572554945978357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815972131169816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trevor_magilister,2019/03/02,"I'm spiraling Everything had been going so well. We've been dating two months without any fighting or problems... then last night I got drunk and apparently was flirty with the uber driver and we fought and now I've spent that last 3 hours crying and convinced I should kill myself. 

What I wouldn't give to just have calmer emotions. ",3.93095238095238,6.487390269841274,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,74.87301587301587,6.104761904761905,23.198412698412696,7.1686216300943375,0.9056793650793652,269,8,49,3,6,81,52,63,0.17800000000000002,0.6559999999999999,0.166,-0.4308,1,0,0,0,2,1,6.0,1,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,12,13,7,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,4,1,1,7,0,5,2,3,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216418868799668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780952070224688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847820206119355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275327487520353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428636020773588,0.14388226768158832,0.0,0.20248306728162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24932131828015605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800949436348425,0.0,0.0,0.4127344576325652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202077769597944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23758276661982744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422493679530333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473101695383229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276301116900517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440467139462001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CepheidVox,2019/03/02,"Paranoia Every few weeks I have an episode of intense anxiety and depression during which I become extremely paranoid. I always have a tendency to read people's facial expressions as negative or assume I annoy people, but during these episodes it gets out of control. I start thinking that everyone hates me (including random strangers) and that they're actively expressing it (by moving seats on the bus or giving me a weird look or gossiping about me or whatever). I feel like anyone who expresses kindness to me is lying and has a weird motive for doing so. 

I often feel this way mildly, but during these episodes it feels so much more likely. I'm constantly angry or sad, can't stop crying, and I have so much trouble seeking help because I can't trust anyone.

It ends really abruptly too. It lasts about 3-5 days and then just stops and I'm fine again. I just got out of one and Im so confused. Does anyone else experience this?",5.3299694055944045,6.9697304147727275,6.116136363636365,75.32641608391609,68.7159090909091,9.051748251748252,30.58391608391609,9.466822959209583,3.0546534965034975,747,30,124,16,13,245,118,176,0.24100000000000002,0.632,0.127,-0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,14,2,1,5,0,8,1,1,2,0,30,20,20,0,0,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,3,6,1,0,1,3,9,0,1,1,4,14,5,13,19,4,16,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,9,13,83,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051453841957772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999237051513115,0.0,0.0,0.3290264926305768,0.1607147758571849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561633601376117,0.17323218309743058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950272994201646,0.17592435061072434,0.0,0.0,0.17229602117408355,0.10115742371394268,0.0,0.13509754598220114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726340883474308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103083284688422,0.0,0.1389254966140399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215569818765374,0.14988008160405414,0.0,0.15343265759234806,0.0,0.0,0.2379292744318987,0.112056052526173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194939267588533,0.15046800976528146,0.0,0.0,0.12544993932573842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548601930163165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513548286816717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942851594345545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633386092097796,0.0,0.12785640143339252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326123119519666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171729530464404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667102699134611,0.23061049524723504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628787792251672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748470302653106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689577986581593,0.0,0.1004842616598181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102159650643686,0.0,0.0,0.26227281984175504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005052824073012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450287491392628,0.1258182825866766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mentalhthrowaway,2019/03/02,"broke up with gf my bpd finally ended my relationship, i couldnt keep putting my gf through the mood swings. they would affect how i felt about her and there were getting more extreme more often, we couldnt keeo it up. im gonna get help here soon, but thats a  month away. maybe in the future when im better yk???? i say that because i qant to marry that girl but give it a few hours ill feel like i couldnt care less about her. its a tiring way to live. love u guys",0.969229922992298,2.5205904554455465,2.3391419141914187,98.2800880088009,80.08910891089107,5.280968096809682,18.152915291529148,5.82211442006289,-0.5980503850385039,360,7,89,2,9,116,75,101,0.08800000000000001,0.759,0.153,0.8257,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,5,3,0,2,0,15,14,5,0,4,2,0,2,1,2,2,2,1,0,2,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,3,12,4,10,7,4,13,0,1,0,1,13,4,0,1,8,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103406653468865,0.0,0.0,0.11745909541789205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041438060052053,0.0,0.0,0.24268023508001466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645537967486454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066187477020714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742741499801202,0.13765432889971646,0.18500798692443693,0.21107719295070287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013401043179438,0.18484117937563388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907886190819018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129152812467536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975608580372014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41626611205537145,0.0,0.0,0.17126743860523147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413624454418214,0.0,0.17014454138602686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390589511166754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357815887508653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379946990238513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937018228184792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687176960929127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323098651211803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146326574741668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294452469096967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368780212838698,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shoegazeboy,2019/03/02,"DAE love/hate their friends? I am a 14 year old boy with a history of trauma and when I was 13, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for having a short manic episode which lead to me attempting suicide. However, I’ve related to everything BPD related since I was 11/12 and my therapist agrees that I may have BPD. Point is, I can’t ever make up my mind with friendships/relationships. If you do the tiniest thing, it’ll immediately make me despise you, but I can go back to loving you in a split second. I can’t ever make up my mind on how I feel about my friends and was wondering if anyone else can relate. Thank you.  ",4.146953405017925,5.381463516129035,5.580107526881722,79.59571684587816,71.09677419354837,9.382078853046597,29.90681003584229,9.725611199111238,2.808805734767025,492,20,98,12,9,166,84,124,0.068,0.797,0.135,0.875,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,4,1,2,6,6,1,0,5,0,15,2,0,5,2,21,23,8,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,1,20,4,13,17,0,15,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,4,6,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322686117429852,0.16591882437021327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451597829705308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078962412038016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558849724466125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352736960634166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29295415483582354,0.0,0.0,0.14553435078819105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187785946966207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250217057075833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920298837500216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29230052837159753,0.0,0.3242732943862283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270110147133538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992075677900875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307840777357473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385473771068938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395210966218055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712770342853448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908554755305528,0.0,0.18801593420295876,0.10758065504543927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560872125694346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042791214208281
bpd,spoilurlocalazn,2019/03/02,"has anyone else ever stayed in a terrible toxic relationship because because you blame yourself for being bpd. saying, no this person is not at fault for the relationship, my feelings are just being irrational. 


i recently broke up with my narcissistic boyfriend after a year, and it was one of the hardest things i had to do. even though i wanted to break up maybe 2 months in, i told myself that i have to finally commit to atleast one long term relationship. i was so sick of falling so deeply in love with someone and then the next day realizing they’re not the one for me because of small xyz reasons.
So i toughed it out, trying to beat my bpd symptoms. every fight, i said it was my fault. every time he yelled at me, i told myself i’m overreacting. that he wasn’t being awful, i was being sensitive. any actual red flag that came up, i dismissed , and this led to me being put down, controlled, and guilted all the time. half of it by him, the other half by me. 

so now i’m thinking, even though bpd has ended all of my relationships very quickly, maybe it’s not a curse. maybe my intense sensitive feelings just quicken the inevitable process because i’m already a very intuitive person. or maybe i’m just telling myself this to make myself feel better. i don’t know.",4.37642964554243,6.072059824489799,5.236498388829214,80.48643394199787,71.16326530612245,7.60687432867884,29.221267454350162,8.20500826718156,2.127408163265305,1007,40,184,15,19,328,134,245,0.099,0.818,0.083,-0.6254,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,1,0,3,14,9,1,1,11,1,18,3,0,4,4,30,34,12,0,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,13,8,0,1,7,0,0,4,6,7,0,5,10,7,28,2,30,19,3,33,0,1,1,1,17,11,0,1,16,131,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.09461369892284943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699180659188234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593244936442783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779290718171997,0.09934144021633612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364104850261411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574846041054562,0.0,0.0,0.3663327553141424,0.0,0.0,0.11089022776476744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874282259101767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252769296861116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099312324165216,0.0,0.08587299358630478,0.0,0.0,0.12807519129041547,0.08770098199892648,0.16337685593293927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706946928573905,0.0,0.0,0.10620901979939576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328370987045454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580176565649933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750530741357973,0.0,0.06471794507605225,0.0,0.38961568933686497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738823278654275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311231178612383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970968284784915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931402540950044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746614708729663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968547150013646,0.09573096594516757,0.4163718034567712,0.0,0.0,0.09222602229337154,0.07710218547461638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214931377587043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334069812855007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077294753235634,0.0,0.0,0.08474258954063721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441232483533324,0.06212458966786736,0.19051479478787528,0.0,0.11307000815062962,0.0,0.0,0.18528854098044756,0.0,0.06582580578785564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599953896838175,0.0571863321810441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243558044580143
bpd,macdaddyissues,2019/03/02,"Coming off meds Apologies in advance if I ramble. 

Recently I’ve found myself getting really fixated on the fact I’m presently medicated and have been for around a year or two. I’m taking 100mg of sertraline and 75-100mg of quetiapine. 

My biggest issue is I feel even MORE disconnected from my emotions and feelings. I haven’t had any big triggers in a while (largely pretty avoidant these days) and despite being low, I haven’t had intense mood fluctuations like I once did. I am starting to feel like a fraud and sometimes feel this sense of complete urgency to stop taking them altogether and immediately. I can’t explain it beyond saying it’s a wave that runs over me and I feel panicked that I need to stop. 

I know it’s to help keep me balanced while I work through it in DBT, but I hate feeling like I’m tricking myself. I’m waiting for the drop when the mist is lifted from my eyes...it’s akin to losing one of your senses in a way. 

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and what you decided? I’m feeling very isolated and don’t have anyone who I can talk to about it. 

I hope you’re all doing well x 

",4.228891304347826,5.2001921826086965,5.561467391304348,80.79307065217394,70.65217391304347,8.184782608695654,30.46195652173913,8.472884824447931,2.2621086956521737,902,37,178,14,16,303,141,230,0.102,0.785,0.113,-0.3984,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,3,7,11,2,1,8,0,17,1,0,1,2,39,46,16,0,4,5,0,7,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,12,11,0,5,12,0,0,4,4,5,1,2,6,8,25,5,26,39,2,28,0,2,0,0,9,12,0,6,13,111,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925516183512066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032641234731626,0.13944895343630367,0.0,0.12115648203284775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723677045449632,0.14269664367146986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777224616706829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369279775882148,0.15309244672669212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989174783307538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817082871212314,0.19445753095986687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492249342678519,0.0,0.0,0.07110582696856625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992779519471106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343690505735406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122392746273994,0.0,0.0,0.1351764774073088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420514305032417,0.0,0.12097056268116572,0.0,0.0,0.07479615315076388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947249571677225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225936169395296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511747054673801,0.13710487799729013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091528199654236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449404158343157,0.09222383729316537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846105990959745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718815709722368,0.0,0.1343808080840043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823095627235486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460485483962528,0.0,0.09633118895930116,0.0,0.0,0.2275688096919055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465820527834885,0.109390785099776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294841743751604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229548110765657,0.0,0.10802862097748972,0.0,0.0,0.12236885837251375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759297196397356,0.09908129823771003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764294469050198
bpd,dystttopia,2019/03/02,"emotional diarrea A little something that came to my min after yesterday's episode. It's going to be gross. And sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.  


So you know that feeling when you have diarrea, right? You go to the toilet, your stomach fucking hurts like hell, you shit your brains out and nothing can stop this. 

Eventually, it stops. You think THANK GOD IT'S OVER. You lie on your bed, but five minutes later you feel your stomach exploading again. Again, you go and shit and it's like it will never stop. You want to die. You will never eat again, fuck food, it's too dangerous. At this point you are screaming at your SO 'WHAT DID YOU ADD TO THE FOOD YOU WANT TO KILL ME SHITHEAD?' Even though you made that dinner together or entirely by yourself.

And it stops again and starts again until it's gone. You are exhausted, you cannot move, but you're glad you survived. You make promises to yourself that from now, you are going to eat better. And exercise. And take vitamins. You are ashamed you screamed at them. But you couldn't stop, the pain was unbearable.

​

Do you see it already? 

It hurts so much. You can't stop crying, your mind is throwing everything at you. You are worthless, you're ugly, fat, unlovable, the worst. You did everything wrong. You are a wreck, nobody wants to put up with that. You want to die. You think it's over, but it keeps coming back. Again and again. You blame them. They are going to leave you. You don't want to love again. It's too dangerous. 

And then it's gone. You are exhausted, but glad you survived. You make promises to yourself, that you're going to be better, express your needs, take care of yourself, meditate, exercise. You are ashamed, you apologise hundred times. But you couldn't stop, the pain was unbearable.

​",2.2015765954475626,4.988296020527858,2.490798072894848,91.66572091886609,84.3958944281525,5.710962156123448,23.661569613182515,7.1686216300943375,1.0720942047200106,1417,53,273,21,42,431,157,341,0.249,0.578,0.17300000000000001,-0.9903,0,0,1,0,0,3,74.0,0,46,3,5,18,35,8,2,7,0,27,21,6,3,2,51,61,24,3,9,8,0,2,2,0,2,8,2,1,0,23,15,6,8,5,2,0,13,8,24,0,2,8,5,52,11,30,47,2,54,1,3,1,3,51,12,5,1,31,182,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068136079870552,0.0,0.0,0.1780715949683124,0.19970148798177048,0.05588132792227931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318694860429586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453529447555317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173367256519056,0.0,0.0939854842468886,0.08378215455814758,0.0,0.0,0.07078586556375742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026458740150416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056785690861426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816960547810045,0.0,0.09243500405897362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427533659222542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147705887536373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309956953149908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989740014664547,0.19873092985694174,0.0,0.0,0.1519375944804872,0.0,0.0,0.2802092204118143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593853150369027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304027528159085,0.09091366511183308,0.0,0.045160834958953164,0.0,0.0,0.08701069693966926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029240434115062,0.0823602159964254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416549552846334,0.07775529013460641,0.10970393929281627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297259702058797,0.0,0.0,0.08733825439954768,0.06040755051132692,0.06093118700765057,0.12675574043670046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884843741330347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487845416768047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768125518269514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260784756534273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017638568299149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548226160545652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687014340194809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326177501549944,0.0,0.09198737817012408,0.05816337796439601,0.0,0.0,0.4809096401595904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235696629068774,0.0,0.0,0.07565503608223396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053079204771712,0.08073581236715667,0.0,0.04791648319263803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234259549634216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984467467649772,0.19970148798177048,0.0
bpd,Alexagoogle,2019/03/02,"Fuck bpd I’ve been in a really healthy relationship for about 2 going on 3 months. I love being with him, but it’s long distance situationally. 

I keep distancing myself from him and I hate it. I also keep “falling out of love” or “drifting” away from him. I know that there is no reason to leave, but everything in my bpd is saying to leave even though all my friends say stay. I don’t wanna lose him. I’m worried I will drift too far and not be able to pull myself back. I still get giddy when I think of seeing him so that’s good. I’m just stuck ",0.7681884057971047,2.841711782608701,2.82054347826087,91.90965579710146,83.34782608695652,5.5724637681159415,18.27898550724637,6.816661863887847,-0.03327536231884043,425,10,96,5,12,143,82,115,0.201,0.65,0.149,-0.3687,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,2,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,1,16,21,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,0,5,3,3,0,0,2,3,18,4,16,16,1,17,0,1,1,3,11,6,1,1,5,64,22,0,0.15904158999888218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718550206196225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494248091329484,0.12229316565766503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006146301775953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504547023730293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293632603007225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228751379134146,0.1470313871919279,0.08309266657486238,0.0,0.09038700071124453,0.1333965400139335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702064364181822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827269454213134,0.0,0.0,0.08740509856648225,0.0,0.0,0.3368041600321376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074680240204074,0.0,0.17792685794555085,0.0,0.0,0.287082488744473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269454797918323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188611504594397,0.16352124285826042,0.0,0.17075114800528718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25295251165823346,0.0,0.0,0.12673555604503764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876941074014813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951717378191547,0.1270108192155043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190742905334213,0.15625755467564376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151445470635864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LaniStout,2019/03/02,"I don't know what feelings or thoughts are actually valid anymore; gonna share some personal info I remember things differently than my parents, and sometimes other people. For example, I think I studied super hard, and remember having a junk notebook then an organized copy of all of my notes in highschool. My parents would remember me wasting time and being depressed. 
I remember being wellspoken and being a fairly good communicator. My parents would say I didnt speak Or I was out of control and 2 of my close and long term boyfriends would say I'm crazy. I was usually told I was paranoid and delusional by family. I also grew up hearing I was overreacting or lying or just trying to get attention when I cried. I was told to ignore people  and walk away if they were mean, but also that I had to deal with it. I grew up taking the blame just so my siblings would talk to me. I learned that no one would defend me, and I was overly sensitive. 
Even when I was bullied or suicidal, my family tried showing me the lighter side of things and how I could ignore it. I wanted to cry and be held, comforted, but I now view that as weak and think expressing pain does nothing. They didn't care to hear my problems, they have their own..so i should be able to just let it go. 
My last boyfriend had a huge impact on me. He made me believe I was worth so much, he was on my side when I told him my issues. I felt validated. He showed me unconditional love and his family welcomed me and loved me like a daughter. I met his friends and thought I had a place and that I wasnt crazy in how I viewed things. I felt love. He said ""it is what it is"" and encouraged me to have friendships and talk to family and showed me a world that I was previously not allowed to explore. He forced me to do things that scared me and taught me various important life skills like driving. He tried steering me from self destructive things and I learned how music can help. He was all the things I wanted, and we did things that I wanted to do but was sheltered from. I learned to hunt with him. We travelled. We were the most hippie punk couple, and I loved the freedom. I felt important with him 
But I messed up. Before we got together, I learned I had to hide my anger and sadness. When they couldnt be held in anymore, he thought I was psycho too. The things that made me feel insecure, paranoid, or anything other than love shouldn't matter because of that phrase I loved. 'It is what it is'. I also grew to like the freedom that came with saying ""aint nothing but a thing"". Everything's a small thing is what got me. And how our friends would try to get him to see he was wrong... I wonder now if they did that not because I was in the wrong, but because I would cry if i got hurt. He changed my viewpoint to believe eventually that I do try to fight. I don't mean to but i subconsciously find issues and this causes me to dislike people. He got so mad at me sometimes, and I wouldn't give him space. I rarely let him havea life where we were doing our own thing. He showed me a world and attitude that were filled with so much light and love and openness... I was so attracted to how nice it was, I didn't realize that couples didnt have to always be together. I never learned the importance of space. I didn't even consider that even though I was invited to that world, I wasn't guaranteed to stay. I thought I was more important than I was. I learned also through this world that if you tell one ear you tell one hundred. That even people you've become close with and have memoried with can pull a fast one. I learned that as a girl, guys want one thing. I saw time and again people love to put others down. People preach how they wish they were. That nobody gives a crap about me. If everyone has got their own stuff to deal with, ",3.8610563909774416,5.120705744736842,4.5770676691729335,86.41947368421054,71.8157894736842,7.902255639097746,27.650375939849624,8.362691859325677,1.7491954887218046,2986,107,620,47,56,958,296,760,0.14300000000000002,0.705,0.152,0.9317,8,0,0,0,1,0,83.0,7,2,9,3,33,40,5,2,22,0,80,14,2,11,3,143,137,73,1,23,23,4,6,3,2,11,4,8,0,4,50,50,0,5,31,5,1,12,17,18,0,5,62,19,124,22,67,53,11,58,1,3,4,8,81,29,1,14,19,445,174,9,0.048260769864557136,0.0,0.047095549688060005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437648089820175,0.040156826616978704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572343129986303,0.0,0.0,0.03971450151444132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534258193514843,0.0,0.0,0.0882579521074892,0.05330022865928269,0.041066360581079285,0.10874672233970503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055197463909263424,0.0492050712886206,0.049577104691792405,0.051053495366981776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412855709965653,0.03853229772226407,0.10679924784123833,0.1590365686351408,0.0,0.09950946921412984,0.04156693036714425,0.0,0.0,0.05042223272720371,0.0,0.0,0.042233324932062964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750313334951682,0.0,0.0,0.04611523377544114,0.043373668081859024,0.0,0.1819838349191148,0.0,0.04880419063481175,0.0,0.13901372210800034,0.0,0.044109469338640885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457230216268212,0.0,0.050428520728823166,0.09259225604616464,0.027427707683905792,0.04047884404567309,0.19299273182957924,0.0,0.0,0.04778574971334101,0.0,0.0,0.0432321704173831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878679024654522,0.0,0.03234817674684447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166415229299223,0.0,0.0,0.10074341039389713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0265228569893924,0.039338968718763086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986998139074124,0.06817601799172564,0.0707333232305291,0.0,0.0,0.04270926265227183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484578322321528,0.0913310146848837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514025302398552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095443761160085,0.0,0.0372216809016354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926150205704072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351373329382504,0.0,0.051352861773161965,0.0,0.16076362097260585,0.0,0.0,0.20074764735875852,0.042139442741059865,0.05042223272720371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617903900104409,0.0,0.048515403427959576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868017752685065,0.0,0.045907043746290524,0.11513670372528513,0.048317449793795486,0.0,0.038457585239114085,0.0,0.05034650825154638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546227084147428,0.0,0.0,0.051439559375863024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055247035206889436,0.05278944919191274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628609281123119,0.07758035746331922,0.08436408008232132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38474773264444817,0.0618471052894604,0.04741596135861507,0.15325464196861108,0.056282486021707635,0.0,0.0,0.13834570132632346,0.0,0.16382947408950002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315241977559988,0.0,0.11386180983818818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055497503602621394,0.0,0.052336746251500164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23998146369854295,0.10553115148863366,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jiuholar,2019/03/02,"The hardest part about BPD is knowing you'll always end up back here No matter how healthy you eat, how much you sleep, how much therapy you go to, or how good you've been - for however long 

Eventually you'll come back to the dark place. You can be good for weeks, months, years, but something will always send you back here. And when you're here, all you can see is the rest of your life coming full circle, again and again. This place again and again. 

I'm here. I've been here before. And after I leave, I will come back. Again and again and again.",2.238648648648649,4.15256155855856,2.3462072072072075,98.01174324324323,77.55855855855856,5.521081081081082,17.406306306306305,6.2581,-0.5652061261261263,427,7,98,3,10,128,63,111,0.027000000000000003,0.909,0.064,0.4404,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,9,0,0,22,2,0,0,3,0,11,3,1,4,1,18,18,13,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,11,2,8,11,6,27,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,1,18,68,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25732277511074325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755920217113486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157550980327953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947462894478651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995903464520957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822120791233324,0.0,0.0,0.13695292016985158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787763439908867,0.2593862453937917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497851722040925,0.0,0.0,0.16372682247721865,0.0,0.0,0.10921705985983804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683932365274976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342115983472085,0.0,0.2273361011166092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744510939151153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231029427797945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321706408945494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473787196907826,0.0,0.0,0.119038805248717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682853868003506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403181295707208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957420496769404
bpd,schizo-rose,2019/03/02,Ziprasidone bed wetting 140mg ziprasidone knocks me out so hard that I pee the bed sometimes. Anyone else?,3.303508771929824,6.451048473684215,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,90.57894736842104,2.533333333333333,27.385964912280702,3.1291,0.5049859649122803,87,4,14,0,3,24,17,19,0.10400000000000001,0.8959999999999999,0.0,-0.2183,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488607677932231,0.5112088055857928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41678878122625823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446939835291538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934507242468827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dnesarumane,2019/03/02,"I give up I just give up. I have nothing left to live for. My ex of nearly 5 years cheated on me multiple times then eventually left me for someone she cheated on me with. 

I paid for her immigration to Canada, I always did everything I could to make her happy but I was never enough. I bought her a ring, all I’ve ever wanted in life was to marry her and be with her but she didn’t see that worth in me. 

The worst part is she’s never apologized for the abuse or cheating. She made up an excuse for the cheating, she told everyone that she had broken up with me “months beforehand” and that I was delusional. I have nothing but proof to prove this. 

I’m so traumatized. I can’t trust anyone, and I know I won’t be able to ever again. I’ve never been good enough for anybody in my life, family or otherwise. The one person I thought loved me broke me without a second thought and now she’s happily posting about her new boyfriend 5000+ miles away everywhere. 

I’m empty. I’m sick, physically and mentally. I know I don’t have much longer anyway because of how sick I am. The trauma from everything really feels like it sped up my illness. 

I don’t have anybody and I plan to die very soon. I know nobody, especially her will see this and that’s... good. That’s how I want it to be. Nobody will remember me as it should be. 

I give up, I have nothing left to say. Just thought I should post this somewhere. ",1.2907200929152154,3.4990522473867607,3.1479686411149816,89.53249883855983,82.27526132404182,6.474750290360048,22.110220673635308,7.675431598112923,0.9891111265969804,1093,36,232,19,30,365,144,287,0.223,0.693,0.083,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,4,0,8,0,27,6,0,4,8,43,50,17,1,5,8,1,1,1,0,5,5,2,0,1,11,10,0,0,9,0,3,0,9,7,0,2,14,5,49,6,37,26,6,33,0,1,2,1,24,17,0,2,15,167,60,0,0.10576693315356148,0.12531652065007234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800656119612275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395469886465637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937151533230593,0.0,0.0,0.06447454075722986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444628978943934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976937816817664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185710304620256,0.0,0.0,0.19134449261719075,0.0,0.10106483717057256,0.1901129992544036,0.0,0.0997076515611828,0.0,0.05347893934320242,0.07555991817813684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30438383960481424,0.0,0.17742457090210506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259086707009665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438022125080407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447482470236429,0.0,0.14941262557235874,0.051672381044677314,0.0,0.0933941397146377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545878658786093,0.1000792294873566,0.07060024917369806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065881919706226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442215696777104,0.0,0.07775086556717117,0.0,0.2447219375178896,0.10215036311518642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044586747324115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167041117459792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453528169291292,0.0,0.0,0.0923516064088985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025909705607872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775700569527865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198133172315879,0.0,0.0,0.08411011041756404,0.0,0.0,0.16856510406478145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896159792343416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251901391928549,0.061673549276987226,0.0,0.0,0.10106483717057256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726879666100693,0.12476815500143375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195554925822202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811043724577626
bpd,shallottmirror,2019/03/02,"Giving this sub a try Very scared that ""my people"" will end up hurting me (cuz of how I interpret things...)

This brand new account is due to the following:

-became active on Reddit few months ago

-started talking with a guy and was becoming romantically interested in (well, FP style...)

-he was the *only* person who ever understood me, he really got me, blah f'in blah de blah

-he'd warn me that he wasn't emotionally available long-term (and I told him....he was WRONG....bad move on my part)

-when you ""meet"" someone online, and wanted to meet IRL, other people say ""Be careful!  They could be crazy!"".  Well, in this case, I knew he was crazy, and I was fine with it (addictions, severe isolation, no sheets on bed, super erratic personality)

-being a long-time BPDer, I  was super proud that this ""relationship"" had lasted almost 2 months!  

-it cracked the other night

-remember, we met on Reddit - And I've been realizing his entire life is some sort of ""role-play"" (does super complex alt-account things here)  (or just lots of disassociation stuff)

-but, guess who's super f'in sad now...",2.063744588744587,4.930262409090911,3.497150072150073,82.58477272727274,89.05050505050505,6.2629148629148625,20.202741702741704,7.5804360353943165,1.1945650793650802,839,26,150,17,28,274,140,198,0.11599999999999999,0.72,0.16399999999999998,0.9245,0,1,0,0,0,0,74.0,1,1,1,5,8,13,0,1,6,0,17,2,0,2,1,27,28,10,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,1,3,16,8,0,0,6,0,1,2,2,3,2,0,14,1,16,10,14,8,4,21,0,2,0,0,22,7,0,6,12,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543739525963931,0.0,0.0,0.12552721658011698,0.0,0.14180026032063814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823701814157468,0.0,0.15639524522202886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437910275289229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306270728713255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239223803618951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592902810792747,0.12542292501344787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809281742113807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584358786309644,0.0,0.0,0.11325709618808415,0.0,0.15599751097320172,0.14021448373720805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159461732709767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542966726993913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002213236490903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506377842561392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039031537127926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260607930933428,0.1505072156799084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676618159263365,0.0,0.13288979969010706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769949565472914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533479926753933,0.0,0.1963467345022389,0.2472938164350605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071790508119996,0.0,0.0,0.15203432214747328,0.1604146025720299,0.0,0.0,0.11261260640036674,0.14177461521429446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997707535054792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998425571669374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023108581850383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210762760896225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381939003910227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881565286214098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531280214358402,0.0,0.09614274242090352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684168051415852,0.08352424613832372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546457419980493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548264494429474,0.0,0.0
bpd,canoyams,2019/03/02,"the edge of seventeen (2016) perfectly depicts bpd but... does a shit job of bringing attention to mental illness at all, and then lazily gives the film the happy ending treatment equipped w knight in shining armor and uplifting end credits song. love the way they characterize nadine, hate the way they mapped out the plot",9.771190476190476,9.913471357142855,8.336428571428574,68.54190476190479,58.64285714285714,11.038095238095238,40.095238095238095,10.504223727775694,4.475709523809528,260,12,39,5,3,79,47,56,0.14,0.6559999999999999,0.204,0.6808,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,4,6,4,1,10,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,3,20,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262063808207113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665608304449825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588012080547995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484601687108016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757144978246985,0.0,0.2557127574388857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570214338674852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376115747151385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610150413436864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265863810404687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111705252744237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,macsbeard,2019/03/02,Anyone else not want to get sober because it seems to boring? Sometimes I think about going back to therapy and quitting drugs and drinking but then I’m like nah that sounds so boring. ,2.9961428571428566,5.849158257142857,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,80.71428571428572,4.642857142857143,23.035714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.5645714285714285,149,5,26,1,4,45,30,35,0.19,0.726,0.084,-0.2642,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076107715690307,0.30422582404982823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22831029721056845,0.0,0.1809974127224053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908649241205543,0.3443286283224315,0.0,0.248035458383751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512650522786142,0.0,0.16874436838214826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450583000429375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158070194504039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703014363554657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936578000450712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395496507790635,0.0,0.0,0.19025196780221854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175128918951433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Takeout3456,2019/03/02,"GF with BPD goes to Instagram nearly after every bad argument and says she wants to die? I've noticed she generally writes attention-seeking stuff on social media, and statuses on FB that will make people pity her. If I'm her partner, then why does she feel the need to upload selfies on Facebook, too? I feel like my attention isn't enough, she's trying to make me jealous, or she wants attention from others. I feel insecure ",6.498518518518517,7.126267493827164,7.1897283950617314,72.36977777777777,65.41975308641976,10.430617283950617,33.48395061728395,10.355215969177356,3.6449980246913576,341,14,58,8,5,113,61,81,0.20800000000000002,0.763,0.027999999999999997,-0.9409,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,17,11,5,1,4,2,0,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,11,1,11,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,2,3,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930235173729352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29115990991642765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399256985065805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023049474238134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886810708064926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477697516458212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506707997648675,0.16515321896252927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294162654951233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30862549064979394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141515252170988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631970630287581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026933829188691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384158979639853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356563009667651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26464287552141325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695431603106014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727089033358014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086016944192944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BurningLaurel,2019/03/02,"I feel like I’m medicated for other people’s benefit and not my own. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and my psychiatrist put me on Abilify (mood stabilizer/anti-psychotic meds). Since then I can’t cry to release my emotions like before, when I would cry at the drop of a hat, and it’s causing me to self harm more dangerously. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be on these meds anymore but my family can’t seem to function when I’m so sensitive.

I don’t want to go back to my psychiatrist either because he blamed my childhood trauma on my smoking weed, saying I made the whole thing up in my head while completely ignoring the decades of proof that I was harmed by someone I loved.

I basically needed to vent but if anyone has a suggestion or a similar problem, please feel free to comment and let me know.

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bpd,human_state,2019/03/02,"I can’t trust my partner I’ve been with him for 5 years and I still feel like he’s cheating on me all the time. He works at a residential hotel and every time he stays late at work I feel like he’s fucking someone else. He’s never cheated on me (to my knowledge) but a year ago I found texts he sent a coworker about a guest he was lusting after. They were especially painful because he’s never spoken about me that way. I want to split everyday but feel like he’s all I have so I don’t. 


DAE feel this way in relationships? ",0.986980519480518,2.922754321428574,3.025551948051948,91.50581168831171,81.67857142857143,5.858441558441559,22.68181818181818,6.980632752743323,0.5972214285714279,412,14,93,5,11,139,71,112,0.064,0.8170000000000001,0.11900000000000001,0.3842,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,4,8,3,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,4,16,14,5,0,1,2,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,4,14,4,12,9,2,20,0,0,0,2,15,5,1,0,14,49,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697329847777045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794808685101563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793003281657524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919997335773558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581537221432856,0.3795241585664733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416225001448534,0.0,0.16371027943789984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997572144604393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595412675126709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731544850134525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884286815080234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012075372585774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004175905731815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874680038986932,0.1414186256589187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651691584219825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444807728875108,0.2811203130075049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25783690768003936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280711520831808
bpd,snxwfall,2019/03/02,"Proud of Myself Today Had a really rocky start to my day by impulsively getting mad at my bf for using my sea salt spray (which he usually sprays way too much of and happens to be very expensive). This turned into a pretty bad fight and I had to go to work right after so it was not a fun morning. 

Anyway fast forward through the day and I kept myself distracted at work even though it was a slow day and no one came in (I bartend). I usually replay mornings like today (because they happen quite frequently because my mood is very fragile in the morning). 

Then when I got out, instead of going home and falling asleep like I always do, I went to Barnes&Noble and bought a DBT workbook and a DBT diary and went to town with it for a couple hours at home, took the dog for a walk (which I never do), went to the gym (only for like 20 mins because I don’t know what the hell to do other than run on the treadmill and a couple other things), and now I’m doing a load of laundry. 

I’ve been trying very hard to keep myself motivated and to listen to my instinct to do the things I need to better my situation rather than ruminating in my feels and then just trying to sleep it off. 

Bf won’t be home for a couple hours but I plan to just be chill and try not to talk about what happened unless he’s ready to and I hope that things go okay. ",7.9434606060606034,5.272929767272732,8.27986363636364,76.5171287878788,64.05454545454546,10.766666666666667,33.46212121212121,8.59863814320734,2.506193939393939,1046,29,218,11,12,348,153,275,0.062,0.853,0.085,0.7937,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,7,12,14,3,1,18,1,16,2,2,2,1,34,41,21,0,3,7,0,3,3,2,1,0,1,3,0,15,18,0,2,3,1,2,12,6,5,0,1,13,5,23,8,44,24,1,45,1,0,0,0,8,13,1,1,24,150,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361833100342099,0.10888425982048648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390756244369581,0.18377903023561576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887800328429955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149373642428878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335811968691225,0.0,0.1944292576595499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637476181873765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081234388588729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250351053054488,0.0,0.1713376777741853,0.0,0.08037353292531849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665972177882224,0.0,0.09002210185673852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024083966630481,0.09981234882724978,0.19793097223189804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932290759271075,0.0,0.0,0.05522839381829304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728759548847412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387401035145359,0.07451437943813853,0.07750649382291334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809674282572513,0.07642955056582397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022376368711339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688680923339884,0.0,0.0,0.06437846966207904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858205803494851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129584838979542,0.10056570073524876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112955167767679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077256790740436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028950225536848,0.0,0.09873398586863733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905114658143412,0.0,0.11165156038724652,0.2046847076318535,0.10930766354466663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679379506525807,0.22135796101725355,0.24875205983364146,0.0,0.07976676569135807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27947440324698003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632038490188334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Leloux,2019/03/02,"As a bpd male I am only attracted to schzoid or narc or sociopath women. I feel... Fucking messy. I really want some emotionally satisfying relationship. But with type of women I am attracted to it is not possible. I am either neglected or abused. I even turned down some hot women as I didnt feel this magnet with them.

What Am I supposed to do? Why cant I be attracted to kind, compassionate, sex loving women? It is like I want to get my needs met from very unlikely people. I want their approval and chase them like a stupid.

My mom had npd wih bpd symptoms. I tried my best to make her love me. She was cold and distant though, just occasional love bombs. Are my childhood wounds just keep repeating themselves?",2.457980535279805,5.079977474452559,3.9063065693430654,83.32379075425794,80.82481751824818,7.448953771289537,24.461800486618003,8.447377352677275,1.9223853041362533,562,21,107,13,15,185,92,137,0.079,0.621,0.3,0.987,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,3,2,4,14,2,0,2,0,13,7,0,1,0,23,28,9,0,4,8,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,4,22,11,13,23,4,3,0,1,0,5,17,1,1,5,4,69,26,1,0.0,0.1936425168817973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151385723800014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41167870098673603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384120663153986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794658875204556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652742409518965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109206185659635,0.08538749825960901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526761238524466,0.0,0.17019131874214752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969115431646494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44251658753689793,0.0,0.1090934369351965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141187789254385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211842099756042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429889068322962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330452914164245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424723273575985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469997930955524,0.0,0.0,0.17546690886363392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698704614844608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057303523766936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096093029509968,0.1777692165031938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485013263232032,0.28919275091398594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474737277649533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MastersPetKT,2019/03/02,"First DBT appointment cancelled. Hey fellow Bordercups. I could really use some support right about now. My first DBT appointment was cancelled this past Wednesday. And every time I’ve tried to call to reschedule, I’ve had to leave a voicemail, and no one from the office has called me back. It’s also been a super shitty week in my marriage. My husband wants the outbursts to stop before we have any kids, but still expects me to want to be a happy step mother to his four year old with his cunt of an ex. And he screamed at me the other night that he doesn’t want kids with me at all. This after making me go through an abortion last November, and then telling me he regretted it. I’m not sure what to believe with him anymore. When I wanted space this weekend instead of spending time with him and his son, he started calling me selfish. I just don’t know what to do anymore. ",4.7957364341085285,5.9278526046511635,4.887209302325584,85.55294573643415,69.46511627906978,7.128682170542637,30.6124031007752,7.1686216300943375,1.7793821705426358,696,28,133,6,12,217,116,172,0.147,0.7859999999999999,0.068,-0.9093,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,8,8,1,0,8,0,10,0,0,2,2,27,21,9,0,7,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,9,10,0,1,1,1,1,2,4,4,0,4,3,1,19,4,22,16,2,27,0,1,0,0,23,5,1,1,20,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097698450329243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287424672657963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000543087285882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632346585712455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872645985238848,0.1704385339882117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634153420959747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207831959194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745826333372945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573540270278951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597478963456165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610382740317203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831384480413076,0.12331178379959412,0.0,0.16018158905014934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097925852248224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196418161923802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587408429016663,0.0,0.1025099070203924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144411995390942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691257856582516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919060952117065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707536698989244,0.0,0.1208108287413044,0.12647520536421786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716685136855505,0.14257775128482295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222366450344952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642286958840006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270785100317108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065564508506075,0.0,0.0,0.35691080206432585,0.0,0.12134610927906538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741809032145496
bpd,Babygirlll27,2019/03/02,Anyone want to be my friend? I live in Atl and I am a 24 year old woman. Looking for friends to talk to/hang with instead of just going to the bars and trying to make out with randos when I feel lobely. Im nerdy but also pretty cool.,0.2935294117647018,2.050897568627452,2.50172549019608,95.29376470588235,83.11764705882352,4.08,16.08235294117647,3.1291,-1.0354423529411765,180,3,41,0,5,61,42,51,0.021,0.741,0.23800000000000002,0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,10,7,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,10,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23898114991838015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895492322717185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511017938857422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617639790519741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983688405871286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227970087613093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638799913127137,0.0,0.25094919051677794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994771106148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135808793003988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304026328101705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401951764905011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289181813517165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626277065391446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244228431929825
bpd,zowee_,2019/03/02,"BPD and Identity Survey Hello lovely people. For my art exam I am investigating BPD and identity. Below is a short, completely anonymous survey, which I would be very grateful if anyone could complete. Questions are very general, nothing difficult or specific. Responses will help influence my art and I appreciate any response. Thank you in advance <3  


[https://goo.gl/forms/idRLHZnycMP8zwR92](https://goo.gl/forms/idRLHZnycMP8zwR92) ",12.082082324455204,17.263507135593223,9.89714285714286,39.11728813559324,62.38983050847458,10.829055690072641,38.937046004842614,10.290406445055957,6.269850363196126,367,18,33,11,7,111,49,59,0.0,0.738,0.262,0.9466,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,10,9,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,3,0,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508336537535165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550898228014067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5587062567448176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651124751088872,0.0,0.0,0.1770916563888471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486698831860182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018587762547088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282597157220412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377028055430236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484701348577538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042064127933491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660214271176167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756249551376472,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joselyn46231,2019/03/02,BPD and tattoos don’t mix well for me i had no idea of my mental state growing up and did a lot of stupid impulsive reckless teenager shit and got some dumb tattoos that i don’t necessarily hate but ugh i just want them off and start over again but then i know that with time i’ll get another stupid tattoo and regret it a few years later again ,5.625,5.0948870555555565,6.016111111111113,83.99000000000002,67.33333333333333,8.866666666666667,29.11111111111111,8.07648339933343,1.6569611111111122,276,8,60,3,4,89,55,72,0.306,0.639,0.055,-0.9643,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,5,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,15,10,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,3,0,7,1,7,7,3,12,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,2,7,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31119852385720026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737825999733913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505471149321567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373611751575271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930076937225971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350272223735066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631019065810313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25231078401177154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29908329978139697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046392472209642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006161307266571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305414686155673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750478679465288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26683984758509405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111586325279828
bpd,hoeddard2,2019/07/19,"Recently discharged from a psych. ward, need help to not fall back again CW: Suicide

​

So, here's the deal with a bit of background: I'm a 20 y/o male, diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder on top of it. Recently (in fact only today/yesterday, I'm writing this late at night), I've been discharged from the hospital - and I'm already afraid that I'm losing everything I'd built back there. I'd checked-in three weeks ago, after a fairly dramatic episode, involving Berlin, a hookup, a closed-off street and a mix of wine and pills. I - somehow - survived the next day and realised I'm tired of living on the edge, uncontrollably grabbing anything that makes me happy without thinking of the consequences, and trying to take my own life the moment they do arrive. Considering it wasn't my first - and at that time I knew without proper care it wouldn't be the last -  suicide attempt, I'd checked in at our local hospital. I wanted to have a safe space where I could think about what's keeping me down and how to get rid of it (plus, my mother's been pretty adamant).

Back there I'd learned that I need a strict daily schedule/regiment (the fact that I'm writing this at 1:30AM means I've already failed this point) and concentrate on my main goal in the near future. I've decided to take on yoga (at home), run (again, at home), cook healthier meals and eat regularly... all that jazz.

 However, and it's a sad however, while I can ceremoniously decide to do A or B doesn't mean I can hold up to it. And we finally arrive at my question: **(TL;DR) do you have any tips, which you've either tried on yourself or read/heard it, on how to keep up with my daily schedule? How to NOT fall back into laziness, depression/self-pity, self-doubt? How to strengthen my resolve, so I don't stop after a day? Any real-life cheats?** I'll take any help you've got.

Thanks,

\- Hoe

P.S. Sorry for not making complete sense rn, I hope you understand why.",4.710888979094783,5.704379870712407,5.350936675461743,82.66211436979908,69.55408970976254,8.363750761112241,29.880353156078748,8.617729084823388,2.20131167038766,1517,58,298,24,26,490,211,379,0.08199999999999999,0.825,0.09300000000000001,0.4764,2,0,1,0,0,2,88.0,2,2,1,8,18,12,1,2,21,0,15,9,0,6,3,60,42,22,2,6,8,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,1,18,18,4,5,11,4,1,3,9,6,0,2,5,1,23,6,49,34,5,56,0,3,0,0,14,27,0,5,26,167,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636654817260461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503467743652832,0.0,0.0,0.10556625873099433,0.11838911732665508,0.1987689071710048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017726774816293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29967316307668845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636922709140728,0.0,0.12271071399871103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993372200288254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215436684538018,0.0,0.0,0.07779058614915499,0.0,0.0,0.12566964440224454,0.10044690292483832,0.0,0.09889023698714797,0.0,0.0,0.11166416704223328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996960581262246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756454359006903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673070696212414,0.0,0.08287461040395203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509035850185405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779243316334862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371692547136313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061165716777506,0.0,0.19546212401552895,0.09677079366859248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320198877382004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941912670750648,0.10990621496028516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881827342763581,0.0,0.0,0.08603320393841993,0.0,0.0,0.10900017190269268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007166517776814,0.0,0.0,0.21226146360538725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448744514431638,0.0,0.0,0.10361878825563338,0.0914322295934773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410053319944901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210362253029812,0.0,0.0,0.09912217655497074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109144822660101,0.0,0.0974571916723908,0.1108976097495794,0.0,0.0,0.19240237209218453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328319975520726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906583237625468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145653278767817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131470188842213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976756609694784,0.0,0.0,0.08970121388288828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485947780154695,0.0,0.0,0.05681269787125225,0.11198240126721302,0.09235303029351977,0.0,0.0,0.13229826998420874,0.0,0.0,0.10142892543571354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574672252298522,0.0,0.07815313128516063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791616562486197,0.0,0.0,0.18783967792384865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838911732665508,0.0
bpd,throwmeawayinthebins,2019/07/19,"How do I provide support without self-sacrifice? I’m wondering how can I support my S.O with a form of BPD without sacrificing myself and my self-respect? 

If they lash out at me and say mean things, I know part of it is because they’re scared and trying to push me away, but it still hurts and it makes it hard for me to want to reach out and show love.  Any suggestions?",6.104342105263157,5.155610750000001,6.414736842105262,82.91315789473686,66.5,9.705263157894738,33.473684210526315,8.841846274778883,2.486800000000001,291,11,63,4,4,94,54,76,0.096,0.747,0.157,0.6046,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,19,12,9,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,10,3,13,12,2,6,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,1,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064833736303144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805032704587592,0.0,0.0,0.11711470262970874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419686910101507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210198044145686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566866853110474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558424827555238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733959989994428,0.0,0.1282417383738219,0.0,0.0,0.20927524103980769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804747577160934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278170971074953,0.1923458553921988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008465776642711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342745548797596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360314967886945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763613708493715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304370179580357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133174831416832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703940716006216,0.20834618277974468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CA_Dreaming23,2019/07/19,"Shit couple of days, but I’m handling it It’s been rough for so many reasons, but petty and legit. Job instability, family stress, therapist out of town, feeling antsy bc of the lack of structure for my kids during the summer and I can’t afford more camps, I nearly totally ducked up a friendship, and just on and on. Not sleeping well. 

I very nearly self harmed the other day, but managed to stop at the last minute. My mood may not be the best, but I’m somehow keeping my shit together. I’m going to try and take it instead of worrying about when I’ll crash.",3.295793650793652,4.921061357142862,4.645476190476192,83.92174603174607,73.82142857142857,7.120634920634919,25.83730158730159,7.793537801064563,1.4684789682539678,440,15,86,6,9,146,79,112,0.27899999999999997,0.675,0.045,-0.9846,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,6,0,4,3,3,1,1,21,11,11,0,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,2,6,2,17,8,4,15,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,2,6,58,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791820833712885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297632471846923,0.0,0.2678370244297332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575604553084455,0.0,0.10499520870356982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801354986422274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606280086513984,0.1845708465204484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926428559040754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052677285210725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350108086407907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662656721107626,0.0,0.4263040680795059,0.0,0.0,0.2078021978445053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736065655790544,0.2378649323311392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561286372418506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411002483345425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098223615702005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133484005599453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670429629300356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108809231891057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pikelime,2019/07/19,"Recently got diagnosed, how do you guys figure out what's real? The title pretty much says it all. Few months back I had to see shrinks etc. and turns out I've got BPD. I haven't gotten myself to seek further help, haven't told anyone, so what better than turning to the internet of course. 

My question is, how do you know what's you and what's the disorder? Most acts and thoughts aren't exclusive to someone with BPD, how do you know when it's linked to it and when it's just you? 

I've got a list of things I overthink about of course, but the worse concerns relationships. If our feelings when dating are exaggerated because of the disorder, does that mean the ""real"" us doesn't have that many feelings? 
I can't get past my ex, I've since found out he was and is complete garbage yet I still feel deeply in love. It's a constant boomerang between ""it was so real I can't let go"" and ""for all I know I never had feelings for the boy"".

But the question applies further than romantic relationships, everyone gets mad, breaks down, how do you know when you do if it's the real you or just the illness acting out? How do you know if what you're feeling or thinking is valid?

Everyone's dealing with it differently but I'm hoping to get a better understanding of the whole situation

Hope you all have a positive day,",3.7521863117870713,5.177977707224335,4.703519011406844,84.7622747148289,72.30798479087453,7.6934600760456275,28.359125475285172,8.238735603445708,1.850029809885932,1039,40,211,16,20,338,131,263,0.075,0.795,0.13,0.9520000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,10,0,2,17,6,1,0,15,0,23,3,0,5,4,57,54,25,0,5,10,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,16,12,0,0,19,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,11,7,23,5,25,42,8,26,0,0,1,1,25,8,0,10,14,141,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595050875309952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252600691579159,0.0,0.05749639752226604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683617280821916,0.0,0.0,0.2375846539140307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889238315825268,0.10192605937601358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082838653583297,0.0972394418159144,0.0,0.09573248318934408,0.0,0.09854398388870544,0.21619703460943254,0.0,0.08253978188923565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519136823261087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802529800208225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384543045544005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034166536555476,0.0,0.0,0.14783440950894172,0.0,0.053604044047988096,0.0,0.22630817749318666,0.0,0.0,0.09339130568330818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322048897390863,0.0,0.0,0.1873614354731904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591781294162131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644825650751848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512718781999781,0.0,0.0,0.09562534487123628,0.0,0.10274177520167734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528506352581976,0.0,0.06933581258349719,0.0,0.07274514682691463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900388008496158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595701648458156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131924078349615,0.0,0.0,0.4294257505913269,0.0,0.0,0.09312929877141858,0.20252806237393564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750067900819854,0.0,0.0,0.07516056817049928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802220859211692,0.10601926485381916,0.0,0.0,0.07991675327795268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753238130950833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266180002390566,0.060436238317541566,0.0,0.07487928514952569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012649001041123,0.0,0.0,0.2051854403846872,0.0,0.09819010647582556,0.11345495394585155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530454711343386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611980525201448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flatcritter,2019/07/19,"BPD interview I was interviewed for a podcast to talk about my BPD and what it’s like for me and after the episode aired I had multiple people reach out and tell me how much it helped them personally or helped them understand someone in their life. So I just thought I’d share the link here incase anyone is interested! Who knows, it could help someone else!

[We are the Stigma](https://open.spotify.com/episode/4nopWsyjKBo1b3zTidPF3V?si=Z6ZRiOH-R9e4Lz3yccDiwg)",7.497662337662338,10.755974870129876,5.4038961038961055,75.91155844155847,66.53246753246754,9.075324675324676,30.48051948051948,9.606745405546679,3.204459740259741,383,15,60,9,7,109,62,77,0.0,0.84,0.16,0.8684,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,13,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,10,3,7,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,1,2,40,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524690823771352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5492651209829983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409912435601507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821569201393204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384728847523541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983729105791074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401865105466053,0.10653062811521773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029546883490872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117183803227907,0.19039716071304888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36951448197211056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526429904264862,0.19058962659455256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311126345583294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270028801283314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cxllie_,2019/07/19,"to my fellow addicts~ i just wanted to give a huge shout out to my fellow borderlines who are drug addicts, who are alcoholics, who are substance users to cope with their symptoms. 

shout out if you can’t stay sober or your symptoms will come back horribly. 
shout out if you cannot get proper help and/or medication and that’s what drove you to substances in the first place.
shout out if you are using substances to cope with trauma.
shout out if you are trying your hardest to stay clean but keep relapsing.
shout out if you are clean but still have urges.
shout out if you have been clean for years.

you are not a bad person for these. you are also not alone. i love you so much and things will get better! you are strong and capable.",2.912387612387612,5.315357286713287,2.8341308691308704,92.93603146853148,77.53146853146853,6.043756243756244,20.004495504495498,7.1686216300943375,0.3286327672327669,584,14,119,7,14,175,79,143,0.064,0.76,0.17600000000000002,0.9595,0,1,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,13,1,3,5,5,0,0,3,0,16,8,0,1,0,28,25,14,0,7,12,0,0,0,2,2,7,7,3,1,7,13,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,7,18,3,19,21,1,18,0,0,0,1,23,10,0,7,4,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386159729994756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892804747690704,0.0,0.18343617807328266,0.0,0.1416376071417796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618935391792006,0.14788237987372208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664250350409514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256760312988848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053954376986588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065265813242318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850689940895872,0.1699034141720806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871545000027985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742662243244648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985185457012416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842322449151102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301988062031915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464868227090875,0.18504591758213212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775588644090979,0.14144307506084347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681774975638816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766634375029245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024844486322665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529692032364221,0.0,0.0,0.10446613497393932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405529127796307
bpd,PierreTheHousemartin,2019/07/19,"I am *bad* at dating I’ve recently started dating, pretty late (21), and boy am I bad at it. I’m fine at the asking out part. I don’t struggle with conversation. But I just can’t flirt even a little bit, and God knows I can’t initiate a kiss. I’ve met someone I really like, and we’ve seen each other three times, but still I haven’t introduced the slightest hint of a romantic tone to things.

I worry that my thinking about her borders on obsessive, but after hours together and countless messages I haven’t so much as put my hand on her shoulder. I just feel like such a creep; like it would be unwelcome, or painful for her; like even alluding to a romantic element would be a huge embarrassment. And all this after we matched on Tinder and went on dates!

It just makes me scared that I’ll miss out on so many wonderful people because I’m scared of things it doesn’t make any sense to be scared of. I feel like a functioning human being when I’m with friends and strangers - but not when I’m alone, and not when I think about my attempts at dating.",5.049490790899244,5.222680211267608,5.757746478873241,82.96517876489709,68.48356807511738,9.370747562296858,29.999638858793787,9.265573868473778,2.337136800288913,827,29,173,15,13,270,119,213,0.146,0.644,0.21,0.9329999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,14,20,0,6,9,0,14,4,2,2,1,35,32,19,0,2,10,0,3,5,1,2,1,0,0,2,10,14,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,11,0,1,3,4,20,9,25,23,5,30,0,1,1,1,11,13,0,2,20,110,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355120232916144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425498646808142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295753610754282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314559064318244,0.08449127585071049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131888889687542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309232461926467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016397055897595,0.19803642848995975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708455389678803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364963158702396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617274045211643,0.0,0.15635054221424322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385728187772541,0.138916903604153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503753754600946,0.1405219759847751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018893621127611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748366712096378,0.0,0.0,0.1500938504795721,0.0,0.09609006579210412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100936926474802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393345835528084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879281328383856,0.0,0.13685402236256566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162982024059012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174381132954598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810411825926492,0.0,0.1106887621590456,0.0,0.0,0.14489824711094726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841637270951305,0.17762277649096905,0.0,0.0,0.08082068989487129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848663347325218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030934977774899,0.0,0.14075836352103233,0.0,0.19691959337928325,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Starsandlittlefish,2019/07/19,"We will all make it. This is your motivation, your sign. If you needed something today anything a sign, a bit of positivity, whatever this is it. I’ve battled this illness most of my life and I’ve almost gotten through it. You will make it I promise you that. Keep fighting YOU Yes you are worth it. Don’t ever give up! This will not win. Do whatever you can to stay alive. You are all amazing, wonderful, strong people.",0.506407129455912,2.956228158536589,2.4114634146341487,89.00830206378988,96.6829268292683,4.962101313320827,22.161350844277678,6.67199483983844,0.8635485928705441,327,13,64,5,13,108,54,82,0.109,0.629,0.262,0.9371,0,0,1,0,2,0,15.0,1,9,0,3,1,6,2,0,2,1,10,2,0,3,3,17,17,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,12,4,5,13,4,4,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,4,2,46,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283054295755906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326142473055303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086036527717129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556922120209469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711638963750759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25125108015024744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965897222286516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773703362671243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095970543852459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596856357256712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761403887907116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30128980421908325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679391706835029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065447726011701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Todesengelchen,2019/07/19,"I quit my project today I am a computer programmer by profession and my last project went so well, I got promoted to Lead Developer. But in April I got transfered to a different project which was in dire need of help. How dire I could not imagine. Not only does the entire tech stack lay in ruins, but the whole ""team"" isn't one. Everyone resents everything and especially me. I cannot lead these people. I probably cannot lead any people, I might have flown too close to the sun in my delusions of grandeur that some crazy ass bitch like me could hold any position with responsibility. Anyway, after struggling for some months, cutting myself multiple times I couldn't keep it together anymore this week: I had a very violent outburst because of a neglible thing a coworker said to no-one in particular; I just felt so attacked and invalidated. So today I took matters into my own hands, went to one of the partners of my company and got him to agree to give me another project - making my therapist and my fp very proud for finally articulating my needs and taking care of myself. But now I just feel like shit. I betrayed my friend and manager by bailing, I admitted I'm not good enough for anything and most certainly the sun will fail to raise tomorrow (I have this stupid thing in my head that every task I get is a fight to the death and thus retreat is never an option, because there won't be another day to live in and fight again). If it weren't for my stupid feelings I'd tag this under positivity. Standing up for yourself is frightening and mostly uncharted territory, but in the long run it will certainly pay off. After all, if some dudes can't use their stupid online banking (my project) it will cause no wounds or broken mirrors or suicidal thoughts in anyone. Your health and well-being is more important than pleasing every last person on the f'in planet. Stay awesome y'all, I love you!",7.041178571428574,7.3156418083333365,7.287936507936513,73.34500000000001,64.25,10.746031746031747,35.753968253968246,10.504223727775694,3.797563492063493,1521,67,274,35,21,494,212,360,0.225,0.617,0.158,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,2,1,38.0,0,3,1,8,12,24,11,1,15,0,23,7,4,8,4,61,46,24,2,7,13,0,4,2,2,5,2,1,0,2,13,15,0,2,6,1,2,7,12,14,1,2,12,5,40,10,41,25,10,41,0,2,0,2,16,15,3,11,19,181,53,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705846476898274,0.22675859807407506,0.0,0.0,0.10723171102827586,0.07560405345526786,0.0,0.08897829699998833,0.0,0.0,0.12300867458060614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182493339156948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102414302098806,0.11107495190545827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726592604757671,0.0,0.0,0.06973217757075567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296841777989455,0.0,0.0,0.09462159125264732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172282576030704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220125176514307,0.10331880825957324,0.09717647139957704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934327773368292,0.07724507273662423,0.10381769698827098,0.11844649749008435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353770281355805,0.0,0.05649125286197635,0.10372409251289197,0.0,0.09069076710939994,0.2594341707448164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096823580528917,0.11493263887452088,0.0,0.0,0.07247442541717958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610715375405593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627387019114604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564958058479154,0.0,0.09547703715644128,0.09568790522380073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758773025594386,0.0,0.07217479206090605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470435654664113,0.0,0.0,0.08630495920051275,0.0,0.0,0.16034777896400784,0.08339326069345722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653764211850273,0.08223452153031419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992159125419496,0.09441125303472847,0.0,0.11868962750491704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657786942038673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500506741355793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285236921237877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098955059611074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152476857862548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303653295345027,0.0,0.11827204445599802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812971237207354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554235445987294,0.1436679160837563,0.0,0.0,0.0858397847745325,0.06304900686360335,0.0,0.20498117706172408,0.0,0.12013171055677806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933859502790692,0.0,0.17843017060512575,0.0,0.0,0.0867319718203971,0.0,0.19443610785397306,0.2004673468210628,0.0,0.1207185624428205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,m4heshd,2019/07/19,"Will it work if a make my FP a person with BPD? Obviously I'm struggling with the same issue and currently I'm thinking that i wouldn't have such a disastrous relationship like the ones i had before with my FP if she's going through similar emotions. Could a BPD couple work? Understanding each other's positions better?.   


The triggers in a relationship with a normie are unbearable and it's not getting any better. In fact I'm seeing it getting worse and worse through each relationship. Simplest things hurt my feelings, tiniest lies makes me rage, them not seeing it as a big deal and not acknowledging it makes me rage even more.. This can't survive. So this is what I'm thinking ATM. Will it work?",4.588687628161313,6.686232721804515,5.2728229665071735,78.7943062200957,71.40601503759399,8.144634313055366,30.13602187286397,8.841846274778883,2.6041939849624067,564,24,101,11,11,182,79,133,0.18899999999999997,0.77,0.040999999999999995,-0.9644,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,6,3,7,2,1,10,0,9,0,0,4,2,29,25,8,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,10,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,4,0,1,1,3,9,3,9,20,4,6,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,2,2,66,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954474417914967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943330497905645,0.0,0.0,0.2482683796110185,0.0,0.0,0.353548969955604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206348944219052,0.155302137302536,0.0,0.0,0.14470170495740153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788251635119308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270434727867193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096861886306327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466612772747908,0.0,0.07976800793488377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025486480865047,0.0,0.0,0.14649604065167854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685712461979259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810677756578769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510940487744704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255415004706563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520720509077081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369240622395853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673140939334278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324682587467226,0.1798699491162411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611638602264576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30654428138521445,0.0,0.2860711546755006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CalumPye,2019/07/19,"Really think people are better off without me. I've been having a huge crash these last couple of days, and today I just feel like the biggest burden I've been before. 

​

  
I love my friends, more than anything, but these overwhelming feelings and fear of abandonment and that they are tired and sick of me have taken their toll on them too. 

I feel like crap, like I don't deserve them, all the self-deprecating and self-hatred in the world and I really wish I wasn't here. 

​

I don't want to be more of an impact on them then I already am, but recently I feel like I've been doing more damage than good.",6.157421602787457,5.986967390243906,6.228710801393727,81.70243902439027,66.15447154471545,8.979790940766552,28.14053426248548,8.418075326091056,1.7988778164924508,491,13,97,6,7,156,77,123,0.21100000000000002,0.595,0.19399999999999998,-0.6692,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,5,1,3,14,1,2,5,0,13,4,1,0,1,19,22,9,0,2,4,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,4,17,8,12,16,4,12,0,3,0,1,7,7,1,0,9,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486230926151934,0.0,0.0,0.3041041529128494,0.3410428926013647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548311167090344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941409117719552,0.0,0.0,0.12411421975002508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552771531116084,0.0,0.09050396693319383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791502075056274,0.28382880721988124,0.30076439968968405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842187576089632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770569159821193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143911252647886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742408592661465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266571189922712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729008335982206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980339871611625,0.0,0.13856311923635964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927984092933506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992050629249035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129355007877266,0.13302043846183872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277276309141929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137743548581085,0.13527718710770972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410428926013647,0.0
bpd,xtaciturnx,2019/07/19,"How do I get support through my journey? Hello, I'm 21f and I live with my SO. I've been feeling weird, special and crazy for a long time but started therapy 2 months ago and found out I am a part of your community. As you can guess, I don't have any friends left. I only have my boyfriend and family and I need their support because this is very difficult for me.
 My boyfriend has seen it all as we have been together for more than 3 years. I thought I was depressed, anxious, bipolar, etc. and have made a lot of attempts to explain what is inside of me. However, he has not changed his mind since we started dating- ""I don't believe in depression and mental illnesses. Everybody decided how they feel. You just have to choose happiness. It's that simple. Cut the bullshit."" 
My parents don't believe in therapy. They think my therapist will sure find something that's wrong with me just to get my money. 
It seems as if I am surrounded by people who think I choose to be the victim and somebody's brainwashing me. 
How do I make them see that each day I want to die and that I don't feel shit anymore? How do I make them believe that this is real and it's ridiculously hard for me to work, study, have a boyfriend, maintain relationships and be normal?
I just need support when I'm at my worst days, not someone ignoring me or saying that they are done with my toxic behaviour.
I'm not even sure I explained it all correctly...
Thanks.",2.9573239436619723,4.948456309859162,3.964343661971832,86.87361408450704,75.69014084507046,7.360901408450704,29.669859154929576,8.238735603445708,2.1596736901408446,1128,52,226,20,25,364,159,284,0.161,0.7120000000000001,0.126,-0.9166,2,0,1,0,0,1,37.0,2,3,6,2,10,20,4,0,6,0,29,3,1,7,5,62,59,23,1,5,9,1,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,15,18,0,1,14,0,1,1,7,11,0,0,8,7,44,9,26,48,8,18,0,2,2,0,21,6,1,5,11,155,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432806539622016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236399922220918,0.0,0.0,0.12021558699926413,0.10553238762061354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486793801635915,0.0,0.0,0.3596705978437299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257008214796883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372542342644509,0.0,0.18330548114026052,0.0,0.11043914598661346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889670767793523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867782067087815,0.07028430713757351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031602684199456,0.0,0.16141573782856986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725889581627813,0.0,0.0,0.11667557217979507,0.08221386332193616,0.0,0.11119204826699364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722512310576105,0.0,0.0,0.11327785045901514,0.09532450110100099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156172532420375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396399253019816,0.09417151892708199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046791485387218,0.0,0.10068987198459196,0.14206204599682745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723854949289917,0.0,0.10744606775653733,0.0,0.08493726641672325,0.0,0.0,0.1578067140910585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426144063058394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093133382572253,0.0,0.0,0.11815824355221514,0.1152341291040368,0.0,0.07377287618195752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112047090080386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424696470381575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846233158861834,0.0,0.0,0.0847968096691657,0.09687374286466092,0.0,0.0,0.10923067591692036,0.08802533739427604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016277926100212,0.0819213717394862,0.0,0.0,0.15063831853210322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622661818512062,0.20058462854170345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797013019850373,0.243383431496821,0.12355285844660455,0.0,0.13636938417249508,0.0,0.08447946370740342,0.06204985603251261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780127514027553,0.06276471960865371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746940697893964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163451229622199,0.0,0.06852601925715461
bpd,skates8383,2019/07/19,"I’m so confused, diagnosed with BPD and am a self harmer, and a mother... 7 out of 9 qualifiers after seeing a therapist so I guess that means I have been diagnosed a few months back. My therapists likes to use the words traits of BPD though so I’m not sure what my official diagnosis is and I’ve tried to avoid the label but I’m not sure if I can anymore. I’m having severe dips of depression where I think my spouse and daughter would be better off without me, and that they deserve better...but than the next moment he does one small thing and I hate him and regret being with him. (And then maybe an hour later depending I’m hanging out laughing with him) Then I start to wonder if I should have settled down and made a family at all. So then I leave bc being around them and thinking I could possibly regret them makes everything hurt too much. But when I’m stressed and I hear my baby start crying I cringe and crack and want to cut, anything to not feel how I feel in that moment. I’m really trying to quit self harm and take a break from drinking at the same time but I’m failing horribly and today I just can’t shake the thought of wanting to cut deep, too deep. I’m not suicidal but I can’t stand feeling this way and having these thoughts and I’m just afraid of these thoughts growing. I feel like I’m lost and spiraling, I don’t know what the fuck is happening.",2.6272271648873087,4.396432533807828,3.757744661921709,88.97524095492291,75.97508896797153,7.103262158956111,23.80797746144721,7.937092434478242,1.1693593119810202,1086,34,228,17,24,352,158,281,0.23199999999999998,0.691,0.076,-0.9938,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,4,14,22,4,5,13,0,18,4,0,5,3,69,56,34,1,9,13,3,4,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,9,24,1,1,12,1,0,3,8,16,0,1,6,6,27,6,27,44,4,34,0,6,1,1,13,12,1,6,18,143,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781313959896233,0.0,0.0,0.08946075245603506,0.09677677081662747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359285434846624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922939437408401,0.0,0.0,0.2738380370661492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679772417237153,0.0,0.11941507976166693,0.0,0.0,0.0936335274554597,0.22068088025183646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513464560970776,0.0,0.0,0.10649641971541213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770337875122148,0.0,0.10248404352235704,0.0,0.21987231115618636,0.07766390865561823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050253640987028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197585769341422,0.0,0.09613370482466906,0.0,0.0,0.107330640457832,0.0,0.0,0.12252637879886147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705946868873324,0.0,0.11637849558438028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059745298394140785,0.0,0.0,0.11511036181832353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622243057519076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867204214269128,0.0,0.0,0.10286596815664224,0.07256613605593472,0.0,0.10921586388721584,0.11841929006113043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677291936444108,0.0,0.07991586368672443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156164961251617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366609706553581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255649958644815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156286444443332,0.0,0.0,0.06964372153884832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662942708426566,0.0,0.2268207501020513,0.12281367033707895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538938939128323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452928343214782,0.0,0.0,0.11891333559180844,0.0,0.20491963695653712,0.0,0.08173793054916885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25244613290551016,0.07222345397690083,0.13931658123446009,0.10680903498248674,0.2589156680508772,0.06339086929955981,0.0,0.1030463099291954,0.0,0.0,0.14761668879256834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938923047806647,0.0,0.0,0.12824236482517992,0.08629056339833628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479453466130248,0.11789357847176392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722591964177693,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darthmarththe1,2019/07/19,"Fear of abandonment After speaking with my therapist, I finally figured out why I have fear of abandonment. My mom left when I was 13 years old. She eventually came back a year later. 

I have forgave her. However, this fear of abandonment does not go away. Anytime I feel my friends, family, or significant other is pushing away (Which is all in my head) I tend to get aloof, say things I don’t mean. Go ghost and block. Then I end feeling way more terrible because that’s not what I wanted. 

This sucks, I have lost good friends, relationships, and family because of this. I am working so hard not to be like this. Fighting my thoughts and being empathetic.  I envy those who don’t deal with this emotional rollercoaster but I also would not wish this on my worst enemy. 

Best, 
M",2.4384273709483786,5.176919469387755,3.836774709883951,82.95619447779113,82.19727891156462,7.812565026010404,26.334133653461386,8.671277953709913,2.435005922368948,610,26,114,16,17,200,101,147,0.256,0.625,0.11900000000000001,-0.9609,1,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,5,16,2,3,1,0,12,1,1,0,1,26,25,9,1,3,6,1,3,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,13,7,0,4,5,0,0,4,6,11,0,0,4,5,21,5,14,18,4,21,0,4,0,0,11,6,1,1,11,79,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103643873415174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593248011168261,0.10611909443332243,0.0,0.16825593735845618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144830146178578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784358476647553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422794656362056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207711175796508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523963637028476,0.12223350438998296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26020199877664,0.4658897398739996,0.1395612743021754,0.0,0.0,0.15118025057386225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324819410174267,0.0,0.07210311781165117,0.0,0.15686545707503569,0.11575397489049975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362743272285945,0.0,0.14163530412697473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994533442810432,0.0,0.0,0.06742339539068823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065126971545426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033040709842285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161632480908086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481544522579556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816819159375136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974894356299504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023711132923185,0.09168591732645,0.0,0.0,0.10956238003159703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140028073754578,0.10954377042564352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245301219018112,0.0,0.15870158325803138,0.0,0.0,0.10047095750567853,0.0,0.0,0.0980364257572006,0.0,0.0,0.1777443519269631
bpd,jana37,2019/07/19,"How do I best approach my therapist about me suspecting I could have BPD? First of all, I hope this post doesn't violate rule 4, I wrote a message to the mods yesterday but havn't gotten an awnser yet, so I'm gonna post this anyway. I don't mean to diagnose myself nor do I want to ask for a diagnosis here. (Also, I'm sorry if the flare is not completely fitting)

So for quite some time now I have suspected I might have bpd, more specifically since my best friend told me about him having bpd and his experience. I had a kinda but thankfully not too wrong view on it beforehand due to the some of the stigma (but I kinda had no clue about other parts of the stigma). So he told me about his experience and at some points, while not at all points I could really relate to what he was telling me. I read up on it a bit and found stuff I could relate to but again other stuff I couldn't relate to (or didn't realize at the moment that I could). And now recently I for some reason started to read something about bpd again and noticed that many experiences described my own experiences in a way and after reading up on it again I found that seven out of the nine diagnosis criteria pretty much completely fit me and another one kinda but not completely. I also noticed this because I tried to write down what problems I face psychologically so I could discuss them with my therapist.

The thing about my therapist is that up until recently he thought I was completely fime because I pretended to be that way. I was there because I am trans and needed hormones and an evaluation on wether or not I'm trans to change my gender marker and name legally (this evaluation is required where I live). The only thing I opened up about in this time were mostly stress related which I told him was only related to school (which it was partly), due to the fear of him gatekeeping me and not really being able to completely being able to open up to a person who has this kind of power over me. So after I legally changed my name and was basically finished with school I pretended to him that I was completely fine (which worked actually), but I knew I still had lots of problems where I definitely need prossional help. So I recently managed to open up about a few fears I have to keep the therapy going, and now I'm planning to let him in on basically all of my problems, because I really need help.

I allready created a list of problems I face and also some events from my past, but how can I best bring up that I suspect having bpd? He thinks I'm probably fine beyond a few fears and some stress, so this will be a lot (like three pages of keynotes I wrote down). But does anyone have advice on how I could best go about this? I'm thankful for any tips.",7.4546368179639915,6.274575957486137,7.994130211542412,73.43677894160335,63.91682070240297,11.563798178955295,34.26993907030876,10.746095033038511,3.4812554391729997,2167,77,423,48,27,723,228,541,0.081,0.794,0.126,0.9816,1,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,1,10,37,23,1,5,23,0,43,3,2,4,3,91,75,42,0,17,17,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,31,21,0,2,11,5,0,4,12,11,0,5,22,1,68,12,73,38,25,67,0,0,1,0,29,33,0,17,27,328,99,10,0.11255659927618973,0.0,0.05491950220445882,0.0,0.0,0.054994503065783316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501720766338451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03827117361903065,0.05901270416588305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393510956425993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052612613149603686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722691641236298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362424135000569,0.0,0.061441327252985685,0.0,0.3544027413945265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906995756174946,0.0,0.3540403585865061,0.0,0.0,0.26960185712459184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712128948376551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049249519266065515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020390402035067,0.0,0.18998620017450984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047870292922380785,0.0,0.12341250146446398,0.04348047469603378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396850923650682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544431590354495,0.0,0.0,0.055897049973050464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002273855001009,0.0,0.058605188734998565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754837435140996,0.0,0.027494734476455226,0.0,0.049694769646684116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569159564253624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057057362604616926,0.0,0.06130356685476865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970238233007311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04137102569814986,0.1251889382457058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814643429605896,0.0,0.0,0.03813563232861559,0.0856043657441573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188782845558575,0.05372400502690078,0.0,0.04914004048877331,0.0,0.0,0.10640236782404253,0.0,0.10779810858880437,0.05725526314587805,0.06067752560497733,0.2154029288130898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985889909794472,0.16888058803571104,0.0,0.10815995950915748,0.057863465165530224,0.16670409428388513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139132875775474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465539910245337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332578457035854,0.0,0.06299894887259247,0.039834070146662105,0.0,0.04494392278862583,0.0,0.12893320418182272,0.0,0.12885037724079546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918971445016212,0.10362699415748262,0.0643591403386089,0.1960303305881813,0.0747776031602563,0.03606086198994987,0.0,0.0446786835655755,0.06563265819414034,0.0,0.0,0.16132898117324,0.0,0.038209271249655764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033194399247013194,0.08934218942698945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040971272407846766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153148593877082,0.0,0.0
bpd,planningorimpulse,2019/07/19,"I have a friend with BPD Sorry if this is wrong place to post this. just need advice. 

I have a friend (female) who is always talking about guys to me and I don’t know what to say anymore. I’m going to use random names of guys. 

One day she is in love with a guy, let’s call him Mark. can’t stop thinking about him, listening to music they listened to together, looking at pictures of each other and how he was the love of her life and no one treated her so good. She’ll act really sad cause he won’t talk to her anymore,  so I’ll try to console her. I tell her she’s beautiful and worth so much, etc. 

Then a few days pass and then she tells me about a guy, let’s call him Steve. She says they’ve been talking for months, FaceTiming all the time, he loves all the same stuff as her, they’ve hooked up a bunch of times and he is basically the best guy ever. So I cheer her on and I’m happy for her.

Then a few days later she does it all again, with another guy. Tells me all about him, says stuff like they’re basically perfect for each other and sends me pictures of him and more. 

Then a few days later (again) she’ll talk about one of the guys she talked about in the past (always a different one) and say how he DEFINITELY was the one and she can’t get over him and once again she is sad and reminiscing on memories with him. 

This keeps happening and I don’t know what to say to her anymore. I understand dating, but she claims to fall in love with every guy she meets and then a few days later does it with another guy. It’s stressful and hard to be there for her when there’s so many guys to remember she talked about. 

I want to keep being there for her because she is one of my best friends but I just don’t know what to say anymore. Advice? 

Also sorry if this post was confusing I tried typing it fast.",2.301259842519684,3.5678366981627287,3.516805774278218,92.4689094488189,75.71916010498688,6.864776902887138,21.361417322834647,7.42949916751922,0.43725889763779424,1406,33,326,17,30,457,159,381,0.054000000000000006,0.8190000000000001,0.127,0.982,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,3,25,20,0,2,17,0,24,5,0,4,6,55,46,35,0,4,6,0,1,1,3,3,1,8,0,10,16,24,0,3,6,0,1,5,7,5,0,6,4,10,48,15,49,35,17,41,0,2,1,4,78,9,0,4,26,219,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512641565852365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047107881406239616,0.09803063341862167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353818527659376,0.0,0.0,0.233679535806794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03590914122710001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363845828485336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419126465694408,0.0,0.12030120201194144,0.0,0.0,0.060513683294172976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995060706942252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615452443463127,0.0,0.0,0.10309977015748796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569684120251007,0.0,0.053284725472418484,0.049631661576150274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653413315411886,0.0,0.03077645973225665,0.0,0.03347818769545462,0.049408370333889326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832716012975364,0.05209123767839943,0.0627075633113118,0.05276907324502034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104718440382985,0.0,0.0,0.09712118796915817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047273266798406,0.041607733919283546,0.028778969290537755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049467017419129886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126633557179214,0.0,0.0,0.05972242021844214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701898023076891,0.0,0.04330339975112951,0.04367877071606098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273399890944685,0.2395013181742783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623336687095034,0.0,0.0,0.0615452443463127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128331848162377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037737312403645855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673011205394241,0.0,0.0,0.2810711140991818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318830568444351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049248863323793836,0.06747773336121514,0.0,0.13486877106823894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28408313941906593,0.15446186062830974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037745206839069116,0.0,0.0,0.06869825406908406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998792967790389,0.0,0.0,0.061324231647364676,0.0,0.05087670732572498,0.0,0.0,0.034744856232952606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440552265559991,0.0,0.0
bpd,TrustMeImAGirl,2019/07/19,"Would this be an exampleof splitting or is this something else? I will start this off by saying I am not diagnosed with anything at this time. I've only been to one psychiatrist and he tried to say that all of my negative thoughts are due to a food allergy that I just hadn't discovered.

​

I was recently trying to research a feeling that I don't know how to describe and it led me to an article on BPD and then I went down a rabbit hole. (I am now trying to get in with a psychologist or two to get a diagnosis...whether or not it's BPD.) But basically - I'm wanting to know from the experience of people with BPD if this would be something they understand or if I've still yet to find people who get it. (I basically play the game of ""well, yeah, I can relate to all of these 9 feelings in some way...but it's probably not significant enough to be diagnosed."")

​

Essentially, I am in a happy 3-year relationship. While we have some issues still to work through (communication mainly), I very much want my future to have this person in it. However, I have moments or period of time where I question if I should just end it and go down a rabbit hole of single lifestyle - which in my mind likely means going back to hardcore partying all the time. I have these ""moments"" and I seriously question if it's where I should go. Then time passes - I sleep or whatever - and the next morning I don't really understand how I felt that way. I mean, I do because it's my brain, but I don't because I don't feel that feeling at all in the new moment...and then I feel guilty for having felt that way. This isn't the only way in which I have this type of feeling but I'd say it's the most common and most drastic. Is this relatable for anyone here...or is this something else?",3.8136199095022647,4.987328109243698,5.399173669467789,80.80919360051716,71.82913165266106,8.629562594268476,28.57670760611937,9.057496981413335,2.280924671407024,1393,53,282,28,26,473,166,357,0.027000000000000003,0.929,0.044000000000000004,0.2854,1,0,3,0,0,0,57.0,1,0,1,1,12,5,0,0,16,1,31,5,2,3,4,65,57,26,0,10,18,0,8,1,0,5,2,3,0,1,30,11,1,0,18,2,0,6,10,1,1,2,7,11,33,4,43,42,12,48,0,0,0,0,12,15,0,16,25,207,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371226862112686,0.20602731957712994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927823685983799,0.0,0.06976446796031954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651884859986086,0.0,0.1033588712309094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203220033154782,0.09463946846153466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209428466802215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164105783713338,0.0,0.07508749610084467,0.08759758009520373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292843545281497,0.0,0.0,0.25719560342210784,0.0,0.16279894399986874,0.0,0.07748488695755945,0.0,0.10251300881452086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287787021799852,0.0,0.14454262505924145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902469780676151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848544182384695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318273860140293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041417890812912805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469459602217325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560087325972034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062321046477154224,0.0,0.0,0.08187841358318827,0.09016158614999578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744727075726341,0.12895386484042426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754776616611105,0.07402424028677243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140423350721076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993988439272652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431048863938583,0.0,0.08370732440943175,0.09101905867861836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225485834635568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483849299249124,0.0,0.0,0.19579704793172936,0.0,0.0,0.06000578654000763,0.0,0.13540647125414834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730368097092691,0.19773722660780527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726745998599556,0.0,0.08281507208384913,0.1765122513537289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995012458115084,0.10000765817835823,0.2691689966922491,0.0,0.0,0.07622494514988029,0.07858937665659152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061718860697034965,0.0,0.0,0.12044667742321245,0.0,0.20602731957712994,0.05459378097220268
bpd,Elegant_Fall,2019/07/19,"DAE suddenly become so insecure with the person they used to be very comfortable when talking too? I used to talk with some friends and in a really comfortable way and suddenly I feel that they will use this information (Things I talk to them about me) against me one day, or just laugh at me..and keep dragging me more to talk and In the end I'm being used and manipulated and In reality all they want to know is personal things and they dont want to offer real help...

Any Help/Suggestions to do towards that?",10.145499999999998,6.8291013500000055,9.972,68.09600000000002,60.5,14.4,40.0,12.602617957971056,4.7303,405,15,81,11,4,134,64,100,0.057999999999999996,0.785,0.157,0.8635,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,5,1,24,16,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,11,4,16,13,3,11,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,2,5,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075872375352986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472891095310253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203142490225256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854192394511582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012581434327126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799949952755327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223153138276326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208770905751967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406230263048407,0.0,0.0,0.08694728022173905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072062062883113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762832026625345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800759633692642,0.10135244672101017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086481507451229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102134581397392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5465655543687096,0.0,0.13053862066705366,0.18663100077255484,0.12557858104233144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GMESCORT_TORONTO,2019/07/19,"I won't say what they should do, but the mods of r/bpdlovdedones should not hesitate! Talk about a bunch of people with bpd and a hell of a lot of self loathing. Oh not to mention inability to take .. you know any personal responsibility for their relationships. 

People with bpd are just simply evil right?

Literally. Don't even read that sub. What a bunch of sad pieces of shit.",2.6295833333333327,5.329435013888889,3.489444444444445,86.07500000000003,80.80555555555556,6.933333333333335,21.5,8.07648339933343,1.0931333333333333,299,9,61,6,8,95,54,72,0.299,0.644,0.057,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,3,4,3,0,5,0,6,1,1,0,0,11,8,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,12,5,4,1,1,1,0,0,9,1,2,1,0,40,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108545118346693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5966801652490409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564559649558262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018218688902494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013855651774268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284433467636609,0.20683310295380414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369425266012242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25431877803137737,0.0,0.2022928797592644,0.0,0.1883752303173321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24711585742946,0.0,0.2431522981354513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781030949159606,0.19039390436419487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,keroblade,2019/07/19,All I ever see on this sub about FP are that they are no longer there or have broken up/left the pwBPD. Is the percentage really that high? I’m not super worried about it at the moment because she (the pwBPD) and I are in a good place. But it makes me a little anxious...,1.4573684210526316,3.0601189473684234,3.1402105263157907,92.85347368421054,78.82456140350877,5.963508771929827,18.417543859649122,6.742157984588678,-0.07611298245614018,208,4,47,2,5,69,45,57,0.14300000000000002,0.777,0.081,-0.5659,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,1,2,7,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,5,8,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,2,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557421281628507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195729019413052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284840883432334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26411928991061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327042393795265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34213473266921235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156078791510901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019509963541388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328998631694872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173003253963434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509308342296233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197915259487765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,COTAnerd,2019/07/19,"Sometimes I wish I could survey the people I know. Yesterday I was at work (hospitality/cafe) and I saw a group of fellow crew members and some former crew who had come in for some food. They sat down at one of the corner tables and they talked and laughed. They were seated directly in my line of sight. 

I almost burst into tears looking at them. I had a giant wave of feeling completely isolated and unwanted, thinking to myself that I almost never make it to that point with people. (I handled the mood drop though, yay!) 

In the almost 3 years I've worked here, I have made relationships to a level where I would hang out with people outside of work with only 2 people. Two.

To my knowledge I am reasonably nice, supportive, funny... The large majority of my interactions with people are pleasant, most of my crew smile brightly when they see me. I am interested in them and I ask them about their hobbies and events when appropriate. We have fun. There's lots of laughter. 

But I almost never make it to the *friend* friend stage. Similar to *like* liking someone...but with friends haha. Obviously someone has to be the first person to initiate the step from work-friend to friend-friend - which I try when I feel there's a chance - but the number of people who take that step for me feels extremely low. I can only think of one who tried in recent years.

Why? What is it? Am I too opinionated? Not opinionated enough? Do I seem like I'm not interested? Too interested? Am I boring? On a scale of 1 to 10, how nice you think I am, with 10 being extremely nice and 1 being terribly mean.

Obviously I can't actually ask these questions lol. But understanding how people perceive me could be so, so helpful.",3.23182497013142,5.631773490740741,4.583659896455597,80.81550179211473,76.43827160493828,7.390521704500199,24.34050179211469,8.360895534625662,1.7338059737156508,1337,45,247,26,31,442,177,324,0.052000000000000005,0.768,0.18,0.9885,0,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,1,1,8,4,15,23,0,0,14,3,24,1,0,6,4,61,48,19,0,5,5,0,3,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,12,18,1,0,14,0,0,4,5,3,0,4,7,8,41,19,43,34,6,36,0,1,5,0,26,18,0,12,15,172,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.08789180570030976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607539233959021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839983563999228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758422110340439,0.09443289771973094,0.0,0.0,0.1438213694085127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306265850299524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662082093894484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766104264508285,0.10890863789903542,0.0,0.4175104231113117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036960358727366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949813323274125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320056681171091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563308491292275,0.0,0.0,0.07657122510010267,0.0,0.08522299718619761,0.12024003117320245,0.0,0.0,0.09810870402058793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892950681388386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206263539704865,0.1369990982997816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370848673006885,0.0786424988825548,0.0,0.0,0.08514185183277546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089497094627244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926032508186595,0.08892969574328362,0.09669759787732006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177125295123721,0.08199306000542715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631296109340542,0.0,0.08907796401234469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220627354087904,0.0,0.0,0.06771871737589462,0.07239195369297652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313272051921674,0.0884897721850215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229833519330488,0.0,0.0879817771662641,0.09376228973148512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127090924002896,0.0,0.10357190511209784,0.0,0.0,0.2622776222813301,0.0,0.0,0.06398058026645524,0.0,0.0,0.11599960614166785
bpd,ziv3,2019/07/19,"how do I change I realise Im a toxic person, I realise that I'm stuck in a spiral of self hatred, I realise that I'm draining to be around but how do I get out?",-1.4344736842105237,0.11689476315789447,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,88.21052631578947,3.8,20.026315789473685,3.1291,-0.502915789473684,123,4,30,0,4,46,24,38,0.136,0.8640000000000001,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903083817866591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463815932806321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290690501576207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735950804453395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828326503874148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573930251078249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mokyuuy,2019/07/19,"having trouble controlling my episodes and mood swings i was just recently diagnosed with bpd in may, along with mdd, gad & anorexia after being in an inpatient for a few days and a partial for about a week and a half.

i am in a long term relationship with the man of my dreams and the love of my life. i have dreams of marrying him someday.

after i got out, we were doing extremely well. i would argue we still are, except that im currently going through my first episode(s) since i was in the hospital. he's aware of my newly diagnosed bpd as well as everything else that's going on and he is extremely supportive and more loving than i could have ever wished or asked for. however, my episodes will last for a few hours at a time for like a week or a week and a half. this one was triggered by the fact that my boyfriend left for the beach with his family. i knew he was going to be gone a while before hand and before he left, little things he did that i would normally brush off and wouldn't effect me at all would really hurt me (and i know it's my fault that they hurt me so intensely.)

he's going back to uni in the fall and im scared of him being away and us being in less communication, and im getting a little taste of that and its frightening me to my core. im having a really hard time being nice to him and he's so understanding but i feel like a piece of shit and i hate myself for putting him through all of this bullshit. im literally being a crazy girlfriend, the other day i called him over 20 times after i promised myself i would never do something like that again.. i feel like my self control is waning. im currently on only 25mg of zoloft and i worry about if i need to up my dose or what.

also, i havent seen my therapist in about a week because shes on vacation, and her next avail appointment isnt until the first week of august (i took it, ofc)

i dont know what to do with myself and my mood swings. i feel like im not trying hard enough. i need help with what to do. how can i cope and calm myself down? how can i be a better girlfriend and just friend in general? how can i gain my self control back? please help im really at a loss",2.6545411542100297,3.9009902472406246,4.25329927467676,87.62117880794703,74.78366445916114,7.737849258908862,23.09738252917061,8.329178653251315,1.1595313654998431,1694,46,372,29,35,568,211,453,0.096,0.769,0.135,0.9446,3,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,1,9,18,26,3,1,27,0,40,10,2,8,5,72,64,36,0,11,9,0,6,5,3,7,5,0,0,3,17,31,1,3,8,3,0,8,6,9,2,5,11,9,60,15,65,38,9,64,0,3,1,2,33,24,1,5,37,265,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053082752728978375,0.0,0.07192092833365506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205480877390116,0.0,0.062364656868790225,0.10208172736366154,0.0,0.04046363384568672,0.0,0.11296619544745115,0.0,0.0,0.05870626769366882,0.0,0.0,0.16720244845963786,0.0,0.06777972993870326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233469343552777,0.05299772141895342,0.0,0.0,0.08561710528930681,0.0,0.0,0.13474528192524954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779494681154123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545060461267455,0.0,0.0,0.06858659280095841,0.0,0.0,0.06004302936258221,0.0,0.0,0.059656592360240124,0.0,0.06257561290085811,0.0,0.1006886839963902,0.14226214688752156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292280293328676,0.0,0.0,0.051283758420981394,0.0,0.034679954883820155,0.0,0.1508974130190248,0.0,0.053088840489659964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892395001366987,0.06553489088499236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898403474391077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536931642998889,0.0,0.1421188204402518,0.0,0.5736001790461747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295962447349051,0.05410722506333386,0.0,0.0,0.14424057075006808,0.0,0.04688500066907935,0.16214557575519972,0.1330571154434221,0.0,0.0587427622502294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981812797671215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843742984031972,0.05119508546800833,0.0,0.07059414185685799,0.0,0.06503670205820028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497969650157682,0.0504837360136406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286350927823873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672858841525793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275710367255198,0.0,0.06554062529453107,0.07126552021108568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645632093635187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849421791375666,0.0,0.0681364355053876,0.05490886762219509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511013066172534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053009846256195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532537945739022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707039529313485,0.04409883473650772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161172714035078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374880341925294,0.04506655113376302,0.0,0.0,0.06910221660701725,0.07984499746556045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662235936831817,0.0,0.11936423971046388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633184131865656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741044947997697,0.0,0.18861313770713584,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nerbyy,2019/07/19,"Tricks to stop that god awful, irrational “I’m being abandoned” panic?? Any coping mechanisms anyone has discovered? Or advice from their therapist (working on getting my own)? Mantras? Anything would be nice 😁 thanks!",4.902095238095238,8.358350114285718,4.5535714285714315,72.8055952380953,90.71428571428572,6.904761904761906,31.54761904761905,7.793537801064563,3.684904761904763,174,9,21,4,6,53,35,35,0.344,0.495,0.161,-0.8339,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420355376405227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23802563374853705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447421542978601,0.0,0.2880366739386065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828710273134424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41067310755177533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29263243103306497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322251431368771,0.0,0.40640025080552106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25481876196010644,0.0,0.0,0.2486441978721245,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuckoffcoreytaylor,2019/07/19,"What's your go to ""well you have hurt my feelings over something insignificant and I want to call you out on it, but at the same time not look overdramatic because I realize really I hurt my own feelings thinking too hard about said insignificant thing, but still want a apology"" phrase? mines ""it's whatever lol"". It is NEVER whatever lol.",5.130476190476192,7.143691571428577,5.806539682539682,75.87457142857146,69.79365079365078,10.11936507936508,31.647619047619052,10.355215969177356,3.6160057142857145,271,12,49,8,5,88,48,63,0.23600000000000002,0.685,0.079,-0.9144,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,13,10,3,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,5,9,1,7,9,2,8,0,2,1,0,6,4,0,0,3,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541849062430474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603380448273598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578262965596151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448970714047045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22839002647033715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5458702163618214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140983861002304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663737916282786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333100524181351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425210401228075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962771799900992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360777098724409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938108819332545,0.16336517317777322,0.0,0.0,0.1486665872683738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007586886321124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923559017297104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Darth_Kot,2019/07/19,"Hello world! Hi every one!

5 months ago i've met great girl, and fell in love. About a month later since we started dating she told me she was diagnosed BPD. She lives with it for about 10 years. Thru this months was a lot of things, and now i can articulate my questions:

1. does sessions with therapist really help, also in co-op with medication? i mean, can therapy stabilize her condition?
2. which activities can be done? for example some workout, gym, walking, etc.?
3. how to fight with exhausted condition, and feel of powerless?
4. what can i do for her?
5. i'm afraid for her, 'cause she sometimes talk of suicide, that she is too cowardly to do this, and i don't want she become encouraged enough for it.

​

Actually my fist post, and i can't do better, but hello world.",1.3721523178807935,4.0333914304635785,3.2180761589403986,85.43797516556293,88.33774834437084,7.258410596026491,22.7817880794702,8.238735603445708,1.8362341721854307,610,23,119,16,20,203,105,151,0.09699999999999999,0.8440000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.5664,1,0,0,0,1,1,38.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,1,1,2,0,14,4,0,2,0,19,22,8,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,1,18,4,19,16,4,16,0,0,0,1,22,4,0,3,9,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.1523917447772293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842833553355538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248828256197739,0.0,0.169201638757534,0.18975412128389368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724688403939077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811274310900473,0.0,0.0,0.19668077803720613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042155861917964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850130862346926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665856151526004,0.15980811146313156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613572595292455,0.17416209175087927,0.0,0.0,0.13157335785032867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896028194321136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216933640611773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467220634359878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378940512710227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276348687752013,0.14094244941102055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010637640679935,0.0,0.15731695049314695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739414467618764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581952340181283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495601852906034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749373623540895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000414806096378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291789552672999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444837261998146,0.0,0.11053238298899834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081606057194024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551723159177516,0.0,0.0,0.17858504347053042,0.18131630785954608,0.10374720234559533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921963927370768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210848997232156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975412128389368,0.1005633132266952
bpd,ShyKraken,2019/07/19,"Drinking Envy One of my ex-FP (tho i want to say still is only due to the fact Im still very much controlled by how they act/feel) and a few friends had a drinking game today. I didnt join in due to work to do.

At first I had major anxiety cuz OldFP always got sad with me for drinking then as soon as they could, got wasted. Felt like a spit in my face since I told them to not go too hard. It's been not as much of a problem but still enough to be concerned. that and im just still very reactive to them.

And now they went and played a drinking game along with another person who has a drinking problem. My friends also made me feel uncomfortable with the fact they were drinking. I gave them all my general 'drink responsibly' speech but it didnt help much.

Then I just got madder and madder? Turns out the one sober guy had to tell people to stop drinking even tho everyone told me 'We'll stop before it gets bad' but it still feels like they went a little too far still?? And now im just sobbing cuz I realized Im just mad *I* didnt get drunk off my rockers. 

One my friend's already 'left me a message' to have me talk about my attitude tomorrow but I feel like saying ""Oh I got mad because I couldnt drink until I passed out."" wont go well...

I dont know where to go from this, I just thought I was doing so well emotionally but im not a mess over *booze* of all things.",0.3110958904109573,2.402101325342468,2.072174657534248,96.45874143835616,85.40410958904108,5.156849315068493,19.39897260273973,6.4784943948869325,-0.07628630136986381,1065,30,249,11,32,349,152,292,0.161,0.7440000000000001,0.095,-0.9638,0,0,9,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,8,3,26,19,4,0,12,0,20,13,2,5,4,49,43,24,0,5,13,0,5,3,3,2,0,3,0,2,8,12,11,3,7,13,0,6,9,10,2,4,21,8,36,9,33,17,8,36,0,2,0,0,26,11,1,0,22,162,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491864963273047,0.05429185952996931,0.05649017977799326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118891363193175,0.051935904340374615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668557635984926,0.04138530524289966,0.0,0.057769656805306685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614475991462262,0.0542048913962123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795669423173661,0.5985599539414134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636746539640724,0.0,0.07014884252519253,0.0,0.044840912068773206,0.0,0.0,0.06487210434545176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730953041564806,0.09700170768816407,0.06518534800563355,0.0,0.0,0.05774746635584287,0.0,0.0,0.1573556644232298,0.0,0.07093977392887453,0.0,0.11575088983552692,0.0,0.2171923438250854,0.0,0.0,0.06722208450085745,0.0,0.0,0.060816386273865326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045505446367789484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666659454594791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03731074105649808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376302474052207,0.0,0.0,0.09950333435705447,0.06804392999360767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642394565694369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497215769172988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801270122326187,0.05163364300631623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706659549848778,0.059279203481194434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299237233074077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797820512601476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615956925056907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32530375446134074,0.11351868476224518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545676627058338,0.05933912677054454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510330790819722,0.0,0.0,0.05389732584694831,0.0,0.0,0.06435207940936334,0.12974420869090353,0.0,0.0,0.07384516637264615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203323809922047,0.04004346613937484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208309106253865,0.1258700023732307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049424957118280655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theangelscalling,2019/07/19,"Finally an answer Don’t even want to self diagnose. But I’ve been so out of touch with myself I didn’t recognize just how much I’ve been suffering. I’ve spent the last few hours reading a number of posts and sobbing. I’ve been convinced by numerous people that I seem normal and I’m trying to make myself crazy. But upon reading, I can’t shake the shock I have to relating to 90% of these posts.

I called it limbo. Being stuck wanting to be wanted, but pushing everyone away if the attention gets overwhelming. Or if my brain gets too crowded with thoughts and feelings I can’t grasp all at once. The impulsive, unsafe sexual activity. Thinking the way someone won’t leave me is if I give them all of me, sexually.

Obsessing over people from my past, fantasizing they’ll come back after years. Having no interest in actually committing to anything and being consistent. I’d be doing great and one day wake up feeling dead and Suicidal.


I think I finally knew during my last acid trip. I asked my fwb to watch me and my friend (who was also tripping) at his apartment, so we could have a safe trip. But he kept trying to make us have a three some. This freaked me out so bad I had two panic attacks. Then proceeded to have sex with him, after he violated a boundary. Just because I wanted him to feel pleasure.

I’m gonna seek therapy today. I haven’t had a really bad mental health day in some weeks. Feeling like another wave will hit soon.",3.283829787234044,5.387521680851066,4.835441134751775,80.48580000000003,75.09929078014184,8.199943262411347,27.237446808510647,8.954980946260402,2.406441531914893,1142,45,212,26,25,383,179,282,0.182,0.691,0.126,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,2,0,12,19,2,4,11,0,26,5,2,3,3,52,53,21,2,9,10,0,5,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,5,14,0,2,12,2,1,6,7,12,0,3,12,7,31,7,31,31,6,37,0,3,1,1,16,11,1,7,18,140,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.1125183134449786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220712668866264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090440878092178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488388519320966,0.0,0.1077919911853441,0.1311728966522775,0.1083302112487524,0.08866027366437043,0.1925450395725444,0.07028715016612326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871538653972284,0.11773643648984206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932263467499353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205942348238763,0.0,0.0,0.14872075897107714,0.0,0.0,0.11702930464642625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615601483825045,0.0,0.0,0.11017619207975936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332010245404757,0.08237191383067204,0.0,0.25261584562330824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908219274040667,0.0,0.12048127985585168,0.11060837549817784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712108118242474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256084550510216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135494399166828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879733623333074,0.0,0.12208838016074415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633083017378624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539302260134668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619749698076964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476038292762894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297167380732955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279307861982534,0.07813175392229342,0.0,0.0,0.1352822869951163,0.0,0.0,0.11006899542956257,0.1598720534351001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085526787579252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306668023395605,0.0,0.0738655410054531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496679130089914,0.1202853397790132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769517883726887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612189113633607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185811296521605,0.0,0.0,0.14776198652987324,0.0,0.0915370664327014,0.0,0.0,0.10929300248967544,0.0,0.0,0.15656524864218188,0.0,0.11263349412111436,0.0,0.13869434831972724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720328968160207,0.09152151849794532,0.09248846892167802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425083566861028
bpd,salazarsmistress,2019/07/19,"Selfishness and numbness Sometimes I scare myself with how selfish I am. One of my closest friends, someone I had grown up with passed away last winter. They were really a formally close friend, I had neglected he friendship prior to their death and always knew deep down I may come to regret not giving more time to it (they were sick). I know that I feel remorse, at least I hope that I do, bc I can’t fucking find it. It’s like I pushed it somewhere deep that it can’t hurt me so I don’t have to feel guilty about it. I feel numbness, relief for that, and shame/guilt for those. I don’t talk about it with anyone bc I’m afraid they’ll see that I don’t care enough...I really, really fucked up by not being there for her when she was alive. I know other people see it too and are watching for my reaction and again, all I care about is my fucking self. I react selfishly to death in general. I really hate myself for this despite not giving a shit at all. 

PS I never reached out to her family after she died bc I felt so horrible about not being there for her when she was sick and assumed it was too late and I was already garbage to everyone and just needed to stay away. 

The last several months I took this stifled grief as an opportunity to start treating people in my life better despite it being “awkward” for whatever reason to show up and try. It doesn’t change anything for my friend who is now gone though, who needed me.",3.4892544825416816,4.855915951557094,4.47712645486002,86.36110648002517,72.87543252595157,7.4690783265177725,24.90106951871658,8.00094639256281,1.3161404844290656,1126,34,230,16,22,366,156,289,0.222,0.6629999999999999,0.115,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,2,18,28,5,3,4,0,25,9,1,3,3,42,50,16,4,4,5,0,4,1,3,2,5,0,0,1,22,15,0,1,10,1,0,6,11,17,0,1,12,7,42,11,40,33,4,36,0,4,3,3,20,15,4,3,15,164,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127835131744353,0.0,0.09639027945088664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099980266680902,0.0,0.09532854614590247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767577330952514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245331939547994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362183953004691,0.0,0.1225460550532458,0.0997880972482072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022627509784742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196963182049152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069251843417133,0.0,0.0,0.10920604403524248,0.0,0.1757204180449923,0.0,0.11122701211183003,0.0,0.10587798972601684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26849899445432185,0.3212837054317301,0.0,0.2222534544476251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437053267333072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505778793545125,0.0,0.0,0.12401184298285975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732806909411026,0.18885427497938848,0.13067543929623476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818230171516169,0.056594817262426725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246441619092116,0.0,0.0,0.17179156223191594,0.08934491407803137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849790819668792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062127296215314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968468089177407,0.1191054323517213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597859891670237,0.0,0.1846230243022824,0.0,0.12084904133562847,0.1308691053747792,0.118910710279336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981530145509606,0.0,0.11457124153748975,0.0,0.08199395134001235,0.12347274226528412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310985162143327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381471472790435,0.0,0.06754872101284567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287053326430772,0.07864948562993206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mintystorms,2019/07/19,"Pettiness. Rn I’m being a childish pos because I’m always feeling left out of my friend group. I have this ideal image of me and my two closest friends being best friends, but then I see that my two friends are much closer to each other than they are with me I get upset. We’ve been friends since I was 17, and even back then when we’d go on walks or rode somewhere they would always walk and talk together or sit in the front seat while I sit in the back... dumb things.

And today I found out they went to a show that I was totally wanting to go to without even mentioning it to me (not that they have to, WE ARE ADULTS but I just wanna let out my feelings) and here’s the most childish issue I have of them all: They changed their facebook profile pics and covers to match.

See how stupid I am? Im 12 in a 20-something’s body, honestly

I’m a grown ass woman yet I feel so hurt over something an adult human being shouldn’t and while I recognize this is childish and I will not act on it, I just feel sad nonetheless. Can’t control how i feel even though logic is saying “Dude stop..”

Ugh.",2.2736516068933383,3.8782877345132754,3.355142058686538,92.19370051234282,76.52212389380531,6.173823940381928,23.84163949697252,6.8360192770164,0.6570300884955755,852,27,186,8,19,274,134,226,0.159,0.738,0.10300000000000001,-0.9549,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,7,3,14,14,2,1,8,0,21,2,2,3,2,42,37,21,0,5,9,0,5,0,5,3,0,1,0,4,9,14,0,2,7,1,0,9,5,6,0,2,5,8,31,8,23,24,6,33,0,2,2,1,22,12,2,3,10,131,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135467579777304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973419070908595,0.0,0.07822331064684335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346650072908736,0.0,0.0,0.14253573968909042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574663808768736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392294979998324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25426449609516083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244148493479513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069738928986172,0.4957025586729054,0.0,0.06704244345530397,0.0,0.14585560035718878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737031975992192,0.0,0.13860873557392064,0.1339338195373027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942117775049126,0.13121695019609475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943307240174454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204603582221916,0.0,0.0,0.2045104989444736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614848448010096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975756007097768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072821293724983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313958556202582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525079240072651,0.0,0.1260747633410905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163333504161115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250702006812102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568706991074023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895488312786305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369689660645047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115558008956387,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leppard-phoenix,2019/07/19,"Need to kick insomnias butt I need help. I haven’t sleep for 7 nights. I have around a 2hr nap during the day but I can’t sleep at night. 

It’s exhausting. Is this normal for BPD? 
I’ve never experienced this before. I was only diagnosed in October 18. 

I take venflaxine 225mg a night. They use to help with sleep but obviously not anymore. 

I don’t have caffeine before bed
I’ve tried sleep music 
Also tried counting sheep. 

Please someone HELP.",0.7410926573426551,3.2809353295454566,2.6045454545454554,88.44604895104897,93.4318181818182,5.8895104895104895,19.26923076923077,7.321109707123232,0.8532926573426569,351,11,69,7,13,116,61,88,0.04,0.802,0.158,0.8673,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,7,8,5,1,2,11,11,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,8,10,0,8,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,5,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823480225989468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662649265649574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161696735895986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516172408950929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862106561422101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535038212533743,0.0,0.0,0.15006363597255987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973002306215283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925633946614767,0.1140302734090118,0.0,0.0,0.416238849331252,0.14486064139792001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124458366993282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622938180214521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5918231510567501,0.0,0.1252719889057099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116405772066228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075954949212949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769407688741588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thesoundofstuff,2019/07/19,"What situations or experiences prove that you are in fact living with BPD? I once had a therapist diagnose me with BPD. I have a new therapist and she is rather sure I do *not* have BPD because she says she never feels exhausted after our sessions. I don't mean to be offensive about her statement, that was pretty much her words verbatim. I still wonder if I may have it so I was curious as to the experiences of people living with borderline personality .  I know it is against the rules to even hint at asking for a diagnosis so I won't fill this with details of my behavior or experiences. If you all have specific questions I would be happy to answer though. 

​

What parts of your life prove that you are in fact living with borderline personality disorder? What emotional experiences will you feel that are specifically related to the personality? What would you say is the defining element of the borderline personality that separates it from simply living with some traits?   


Thank you",5.311499999999999,7.9305475388888915,6.563055555555558,68.04625000000003,70.83333333333333,10.722222222222225,31.25,10.686352973137794,4.2120000000000015,807,36,132,28,16,271,104,180,0.032,0.8640000000000001,0.105,0.9052,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,7,0,0,7,5,1,0,8,0,22,3,0,0,7,33,29,9,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,5,3,2,0,4,13,7,0,0,10,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,4,25,3,24,19,4,8,0,0,0,0,21,3,0,8,4,109,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377827000704775,0.12759862023161175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817015646902767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401310944990256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967691832012539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658291977227374,0.0,0.0,0.1203505352995248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812209411384175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935810175241612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41087964308671504,0.0,0.0,0.10619240268282916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178507690276702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771073903861928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417165474643732,0.0,0.0,0.3709029466402024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143866535032098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719441827614544,0.0,0.08099017062724995,0.10141929353264097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183220208535187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137155757416032,0.0,0.07280069849420524,0.3667626582211356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683290194546324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176352108313022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701630258294362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803561783601395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386110608012122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989706638861402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667908151537724,0.0,0.2438493620252345,0.0,0.0,0.10317177268371557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138788444343964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919215453783874,0.0,0.12759862023161175,0.0
bpd,JCnGGd32,2019/07/19,"How do you tell someone you’re crazy? I feel like I’m going to explode keeping everything in for so long. In the past, when I’ve hit my point I just vomit out every thought I have - and that’s why I’ve got no friends, because I go batshit crazy. Right now I don’t say anything to my do. I avoid eye contact, I speak in two word responses, I pretend I don’t hear her so I avoid talking to her etc. 

I want to tell how how I’ve been feeling but I don’t know how to do it without going 100000000% too far. How can I casually tell the girl I like that I’m crazy without it blowing up into an all mighty episode? 

Should I just keep being cold and avoiding communication with her?",1.7418750000000005,3.170546104166668,3.4302777777777784,91.84250000000002,77.54166666666666,5.911111111111111,27.277777777777786,6.42735559955562,0.9254277777777782,525,22,120,4,12,175,87,144,0.122,0.792,0.087,-0.5632,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,3,3,0,11,2,1,5,1,28,26,11,0,2,5,0,2,2,1,1,1,3,0,1,4,5,0,5,4,2,0,3,6,3,0,1,3,7,21,4,15,20,2,16,0,0,1,0,14,9,0,0,6,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148954069321448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048112287285584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917552582634166,0.0,0.0,0.14486437870339444,0.0,0.15452593236882536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738730754133383,0.1228318615978944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283813694094562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29314736037055145,0.0,0.1375137642040728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937855493399018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30565109696346066,0.0,0.0,0.0944921051555023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799951376204544,0.0,0.0,0.1521588771249823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641333676016763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625360855264574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683329972568845,0.0,0.13673124178664367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456817029939226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819648649384347,0.4508416757105478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649881072633455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795751267369938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141292577124017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551464429149908,0.0,0.0,0.33148235777859425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lucy10001,2019/07/19,"lost a friend Hello, I'm very new to reddit and only have been browsing it the past day or two without ever really joining. This is kind of a hard post for me to make because I understand that borderline is different for everything and people will experience this part differently but I have a hard time being open about it. Anyways that's a little offtrack I was making this post because a couple weeks ago my closest friend of many years cut me off very suddenly. It's been a lot of dissociation and I was told I need to realize when I'm dissociating and evaluate my feelings to help myself heal faster. I'm going to try that, but honestly this is a first for me and I've never lost someone that I cared for this much. If anyone here has lost someone that meant everything to them, how did you cope with it?",5.616062499999997,6.126638481250001,6.727500000000003,75.3275,67.3125,9.9,31.0,9.888512548439397,2.94545,647,24,122,14,10,218,99,160,0.084,0.8059999999999999,0.109,0.7943,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,4,6,9,1,0,8,0,13,1,0,3,2,23,28,11,0,2,5,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,14,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,10,3,14,5,17,16,3,20,0,3,0,0,7,4,0,3,13,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474239035747695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050875151379928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781310120786074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197459338996206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432249455094361,0.0,0.0834792850888856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704783668721434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708756442587527,0.0,0.0,0.2326679774675311,0.12661896769254696,0.0,0.0,0.06544968888445682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010317187494592,0.0,0.0,0.20001290514031606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356478660441099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319089460813025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676214384550084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347937682043387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973473975408362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42390321164204986,0.11004683237578568,0.0,0.0,0.1728068806275232,0.13123371966353972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951546538574984,0.0959794919635475,0.09983353491086787,0.12501574577643618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844636014717252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401729100307523,0.12356689291370078,0.08973868085927246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479390234146268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292376395198715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935131967829985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547858394637556,0.0,0.0,0.1236872352221218,0.0,0.08788251967537883,0.0,0.1264458792618509,0.13475353133976115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360616575167096,0.0,0.0,0.1038304446260771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477732469918044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335630777776441
bpd,vannawilde,2019/07/19,"CAN’T MAKE MYSELF BE NICE TO MY BOYFRIEND My boyfriend (22m) went away on a holiday for 8 days, I (24f) missed him sooo much but now he’s back I’m really angry at him and can’t stop being cold and dismissive and I don’t know why I’m doing this. He just got upset with me and he never gets upset with me like this. I just can’t stop. 

Does anyone know why I’m doing this? I need it to stop but I don’t know how.",-1.3737620889748534,0.4406107340425578,1.4257059961315302,100.06136363636364,90.59574468085106,4.69477756286267,12.800773694390712,6.1124844417494595,-1.1292851063829787,315,4,82,3,11,109,58,94,0.223,0.701,0.076,-0.9363,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,1,0,9,0,0,2,1,20,21,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,3,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,1,12,2,8,17,1,11,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,8,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649894936514905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102846470214065,0.17210244619132647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434427822344342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586489006253266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169358164962816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790079292287535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690140293283699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109346308873314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940044365297026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453219281930434,0.1659584228228565,0.17262245985768224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338372498609725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613663261839383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207481793142728,0.4039223801946797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,axelg5,2019/07/19,Hikikomori Kind of just realised I've been a hikikomori for about a year now. I hate it.,1.3866666666666667,3.7778076666666682,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,83.44444444444446,3.6,25.66666666666667,3.1291,0.06646666666666734,70,3,15,0,2,21,15,18,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6277113551026992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6620778247180551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094281483871639
bpd,L3xant,2019/07/19,So lonely even when I shouldn’t be I’m so tired of feeling like this. I go through phases of feeling like I’m lucky to have the people I care about in my life to feeling like I’m a nuisance and they all secretly hate me. I can’t even explain it to them because they’ll say they care but I wouldn’t know if they’re lying or not. I don’t even know what part of my insecurities are real anymore. It feels like I’m always reaching out to them but I’ll check my messages and I’m the one not responding. I just wish I didn’t have to live like this.,-0.07706293706293721,1.8671417768595049,2.082975206611572,96.70670057215513,85.77685950413223,4.714812460267005,20.05149396058487,5.8734145424116955,-0.2290844246662425,429,13,103,3,13,144,69,121,0.145,0.659,0.19699999999999998,0.1006,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,5,0,8,11,1,1,3,0,10,2,0,0,1,24,27,9,0,4,7,0,4,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,8,0,1,1,7,3,0,1,1,5,17,8,12,22,2,4,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,3,6,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354182513619953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916449083502165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783415839134146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272636599756091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180094626341724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245973967929107,0.4586207775197034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121104559248958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845217756400473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640391577616907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335992706759365,0.39204031949741575,0.0,0.14171697774582978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875322687803576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379670733497746,0.0,0.11126463202129623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826745183661412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762932109729588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844614258428566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845573603782557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pmr92,2019/07/19,"How to deal with felling isolates. The title pretty straight forward. Im recentally dignosed like 3 months ago. But ive been in isolation alot in the past. It always seem to happend sooner or later. Expasally when im in a new city or towm. Witch atm i am. 

Btw im deslexic. Like i said it all so you dont to try and read my horrible spealing for context if you dont want to.

I fucking heat it. All i do is work eat and sleep. And on my days off i pretty well sit home alone. Sometime ill go out busking. (Stresst performing) Witch sometime helps. Other times not so much. 

Ill recentally read that isolation os common with bpd. Actually im in a rooming house. Their 2 other borderline including me. Their well into their 40 dealing woth it for years. But juses they did not give me hope. Had a long ass conversation with one of them. And jesus fucking crises he pretty well told me to get used to it. Without saying those words. So im thing their gotta be other people here who deapt with it. And eveing have trick and thing they do to help curb the felling.",0.8693693221523446,3.3679706084905696,2.500524109014677,91.12008735150246,88.19811320754717,5.216212438853948,22.002795248078264,6.775458762138228,0.6704711390635918,827,30,169,11,27,270,137,212,0.128,0.738,0.134,0.3204,0,3,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,7,2,9,11,3,0,7,0,12,7,2,2,2,30,24,16,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,14,12,1,1,1,2,1,4,5,5,3,1,5,2,20,6,23,17,4,29,1,0,0,3,20,11,3,6,17,101,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.09785858681042396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889196268233196,0.0,0.0,0.10385959554994766,0.0,0.0,0.08344079917438646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629885575253008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467215361079863,0.2067680724834802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350542795549652,0.0,0.0,0.1026112362487937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854140569336226,0.05239203922821955,0.09619748985076396,0.05699130238789639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443082768147704,0.0,0.10058878235514038,0.099600435139965,0.0,0.11570938700164207,0.0,0.0,0.5415967808813685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798325740743168,0.0,0.0,0.08874443794688627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004235308908601,0.0,0.07371716689358461,0.0,0.0,0.09685082360268882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795216520548238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957283842478417,0.06952136385909218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060617220120952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061380774309984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802834363404231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953890220076409,0.07974649544875784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129093339773216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003521875907573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983585069106649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332428422801558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058473938416076135,0.0,0.0,0.09582161451745644,0.0,0.06808337908139127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660952134199812,0.0,0.0,0.059147604583895584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704906602520506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666611664795248,0.0,0.07300486451480045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457688198087268
bpd,NUBBS240,2019/07/19,"How do you come back from not liking your SO? I've been dating my GF for over 4 years, and we have known each other for 18 years. In the beginning, I couldn't live without her, but now I'm having a hard time even just listening to her talk. I have been dealing with a deep depression in the last few months, but I feel like my relationship is making my depression worse. 

My GF is super loving and caring. She is an amazing person that you would be lucky to call your friend. She's read books & articles to help me with my mental health. We don't fight about dumb things. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've done this before in my relationships, but how do I know if it in fact is because of BPD?",3.6226,4.138955393333333,4.577333333333332,88.96200000000002,71.73333333333333,7.866666666666667,23.0,7.908726449838941,0.8049999999999997,559,12,127,7,10,182,99,150,0.09699999999999999,0.654,0.249,0.9841,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,2,4,0,1,9,13,2,0,5,0,18,2,0,3,1,28,29,9,0,3,8,0,3,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,4,23,9,17,23,2,16,0,2,0,1,23,6,1,2,12,86,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249171864688784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578823266754039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241396908638982,0.0,0.09704604635191827,0.0,0.13546636322137706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050518232308875,0.0,0.16255966625333293,0.0,0.16231367876775324,0.0,0.0,0.13713557863254744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412686332300094,0.27423520406664004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291553676670034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514923607661564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099128634025595,0.22746315788345825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299651622499196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261076018769453,0.0,0.0,0.16922076746186085,0.0,0.0,0.10670752895391264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749828778471823,0.12976818373492915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333293216398796,0.0,0.14057536362875014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368303704225482,0.0,0.1062663645727386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604348398152535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707087886166174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900615919047213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592417756217618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418396382328778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795788005392886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576453850451456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283003882661496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346186018454416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223707010881816,0.113090184721871,0.0,0.0,0.2050374790536783
bpd,aspenartistry,2019/07/19,"New member & struggling Hi everyone, I’ve just found this sub and I’m bawling reading all of the posts. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2017 but have been struggling with it since I was young. I didn’t realize so many people feel the same way I do, I feel so psychotic some days and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’m really struggling with my relationship lately (been together a year). I wish I could be that person that says ‘yeah go have fun with your friends!’ But it makes me nauseous just thinking about it and I know it’s unfair to my boyfriend. I feel a panic attack coming on as soon as he says he has other plans. Does anyone have coping mechanisms that have worked for this? I’ve tried distracting myself and hanging out with friends and family when he’s out but it doesn’t work. Thank you in advance",1.6209214092140911,4.0409826097561,2.7852845528455283,91.32136856368568,82.65853658536584,6.083468834688348,21.30623306233063,7.3871296695380915,0.7580728997289969,644,20,133,10,18,206,103,164,0.14300000000000002,0.737,0.12,-0.6036,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,4,7,10,1,5,4,1,14,1,0,1,1,33,29,13,0,2,6,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,12,13,0,0,8,1,0,4,3,6,0,0,6,5,15,4,17,21,3,18,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,7,80,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324629394567774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031915559081933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346001330897417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683306453503657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635573796690694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274580619886767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813737868770208,0.0,0.0,0.09542467222081792,0.0,0.0,0.1501805546633512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948447395227722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413861398837207,0.0,0.0,0.13948748512119932,0.0,0.2244454454336957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622351148742226,0.1143167786632694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409146821568746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263451625025535,0.0,0.16691006945235926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876725659440803,0.15001248117875032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290475236407868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360411529774605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257975014288633,0.1291966376018341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417088084481001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800424740810705,0.0,0.09478965932697453,0.0,0.0,0.15885818339243182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353341512253589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239752038238222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640529443576841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622556144403655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480948879538886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045798337915014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744709970874215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701515348651718,0.0,0.0,0.215439408706712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528409759093408
bpd,PixelProzac,2019/07/19,"Unlovable I am a creature, unlovable by nature, broken with many faults.

I can't love you or myself, I'm too broken and I break anything I come in contact with.

That's just my nature. And always will be.

I fought that ultimate ending but now I accept it, but on my path of destruction I will teach a lesson to those who I meet.

Happiness is a facade, it is rarely real.

Love is not some thing you magically find and become ultimately happy, in this world we rarely find such a thing.

The world is cold, dark and unforgiving.

It curses many of us with a mind that lies for self gain, protects itself even if it hurts others.. As humans.. As a whole we are cursed, destructive.

Selfish

And sometimes.. We deserve to suffer.",2.5437101747173685,4.950091618705038,3.8173946557040095,85.37764388489211,78.85611510791368,5.9858170606372045,21.439362795477905,7.1686216300943375,0.7823233299075025,561,16,105,7,14,183,93,139,0.273,0.604,0.12300000000000001,-0.9740000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,4,2,0,2,5,14,3,0,7,0,10,2,0,0,0,25,15,11,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,14,12,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,1,1,17,5,14,11,2,9,0,2,0,2,14,5,0,3,2,79,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246994443377068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079049689054722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023736332430228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784460558948935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622958101501379,0.0,0.0,0.12102796270704876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33495516980030177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901237137915577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961616764308717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33076160888348755,0.0,0.0,0.3715521883153086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501966101769246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856666917907324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115876333470105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122855261385493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24347236555338764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204145588732595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045803598001864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,honnessey,2019/07/19,DAE feel like they have natural potential/talent/abilities but something just blocks you from being able to do anything about it? like i think im good at music maybe but for the LIFE of me i cant do anything productive about it does anyone feel a blockage too?,4.339117647058823,6.089776196078433,4.884460784313728,82.75257352941178,71.35294117647058,8.237254901960785,28.43627450980393,8.841846274778883,2.3083686274509803,210,8,39,4,4,67,42,51,0.045,0.746,0.21,0.8229,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,7,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.2907059597370685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326836629839332,0.0,0.4784524702211096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543987443988009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939793359596459,0.20768039572195898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438303665766128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31401232190918393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053342165588982,0.28404849560463225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920532100926108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379965041377928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627264080733386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Infinitenotions,2019/07/19,"How to deal with feeling toxic? This week has been really hard for me because I made a huge mistake. I got way too drunk at a party b/c I had a bad week and ruined everyone's night, and now everyone's talking about it behind my back. (I'm in grad school, but somehow I still feel bullied)

I know I need to take responsibility for being toxic (and I did apologize to the host, who chewed me out) but I can't stop switching between hating myself and thinking of harm and hating everyone else for not being supportive.

What's making this harder, I think, is that ever since I moved a year ago I haven't made any friends and my old ones don't talk to me much. I don't have anyone to talk to and can't imagine talking to someone JUST to talk about my pain.

How do y'all deal with feelings of guilt? How do you deal with feelings of toxicity?

How do you deal with the isolation b/c of your toxicity?",3.0242239382239404,4.240026437837842,4.871679536679538,83.67114864864867,73.81081081081079,7.447876447876448,26.18725868725869,7.957251820313856,1.4646447876447881,701,24,147,10,14,240,108,185,0.213,0.741,0.046,-0.9865,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,0,13,10,2,1,6,0,16,3,0,7,1,36,33,13,0,2,4,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,12,2,1,8,1,0,1,6,8,0,1,6,5,23,2,26,25,1,17,0,1,0,0,16,4,0,1,11,100,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005465994100529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713456234835918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931111730555811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872187152298765,0.09470719117660363,0.0691443267800588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467754922435016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947540880809771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260163135480728,0.0,0.32515439638142274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940932742558126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763377417591771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071830150476608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160872467707324,0.2239722674502422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233676559530201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146556103013209,0.07571371028451034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055543917546872,0.08338223418219637,0.0841050243068285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644398736106278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902303864807864,0.0,0.0768613823769172,0.0,0.12069481460017012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266453530973463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479464505613783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382836698431513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961067187159366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058331602340096,0.09483043545015074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128716137356727,0.0,0.0,0.08528333364869943,0.4558434786950773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145359472651041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003343808181836,0.1819693330400549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304356533205003
bpd,ActuallyMyNameIRL,2019/07/19,"Girl interrupted I was once told to watch this movie because the main character suffered from borderline personality disorder, so I was automatically intrigued. My friend who recommended it to me said that she never truly understood what I was going through until she watched it, so I gave it a go. 
I was sadly left very dissapointed as I didn’t relate to the character at all, I infact related more to some of the others in the movie. I told my friend this after I watched it as she was interested in knowing what I thought about the movie, and she asked me ""if that’s the case, are you sure you have borderline and that it’s not something else?"". This kind of offended me as I have had this diagnosis for years and I doubt that several psychologists have misdiagnosed me. I know that everyone is different and that there may be several others who do relate to the movie, but I am not one of those. 
Are there others out there who feel the same as me or am I one of very few? Would like to hear other peoples perspective on this and their views and feelings surrounding this movie.",8.578834951456312,7.366956980582527,8.769242718446602,68.88231067961165,61.71844660194175,12.706019417475732,37.10485436893204,11.792908689023552,4.2830093203883495,862,34,163,23,10,285,114,206,0.063,0.872,0.066,0.3728,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,0,6,10,1,1,9,0,19,0,0,0,3,26,33,16,0,2,5,0,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,2,27,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,13,8,29,6,25,17,6,13,0,2,4,0,20,7,0,5,5,134,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763778903551595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278974187185663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617296219335754,0.19325417190145192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408611336419251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611245059379422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051959753748347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605521941215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166229845431795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004802096854886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559273005362758,0.18533928503055355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320711248267216,0.0,0.0,0.0823796594300054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005084121788932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957576634065736,0.22852378560480566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169005078899758,0.14723327491336188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039709955090214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809872653424492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981261486632387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589232124664133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386616768621415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222490118758844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782598209122275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197834567484359,0.0,0.0,0.1085863378171882
bpd,rlybn,2019/07/19,"Distanced from family and friends Since I was around 17, my BPD has been very bad with little to no improvements despite efforts (medication, DBT), and since I couldn’t find a CBT group or therapist available anywhere in my area. In the last 5 years (I’m 22 now), I have found myself distanced from almost everyone I was close to, other than my partner. I don’t have any close friends at all, at the moment, and any people I have been close with in the past have pretty much distanced as well. Not completely out of my life, but we barely talk.
I’m pretty close with my mom, but because she forces herself into my life if she doesn’t hear from me, and asks a million questions. She’s always checking up on me, and she’s also one of the most outgoing people I’ve ever encountered, so she has no problem calling/texting/confronting me about literally anything at all. My dad and I on the other hand, have barely had an in depth conversation since I was a teenager, until today. I live with my fiancé for like over 3 years now, but I work close to my parents’ house so I stay over once in a while for dinner, to visit and to do laundry from my apartment (so like once a week). 
Tonight, my mom and sister went to finish a movie after dinner and my dad and I stayed at the table. He was originally just reminiscing about random stuff, but suddenly the conversation took a turn to the subject of my fiancé and my life in general. At first it wasn’t too deep, but then he started talking about when I was younger and how close we used to be and how he missed it. He kept telling me how much he loved me and how he wants the best for me but he feels like he barely knows me anymore. I literally just broke down sobbing and all I could tell him was that I didn’t know what to say. I was having such a hard time managing the urge to just get up and go hide in my room since the conversation started because I never know what to say to him in general, let alone when he starts talking about stuff like my life and my fiancé. I was struggling to make eye contact with him the entire time - I just kept looking down. 
He was crying too and told me he didn’t mean to make me cry. He told me that he loved me and he just wanted to be close again like we used to be when I was younger and we would do things like go to our cottage together, skiing together. I said okay, and I agreed I wanted to be close again too, but I honestly don’t know how to do that. I struggle so much with connecting to people and I never know how to reach out to them. My dad is like me, and has a hard time talking about his feelings. This was really a lot to take in and I really do want to be close with him again. 
I don’t know if anyone will even read through this, but if anyone has experienced similar things with family/friends and BPD it’d be interesting to talk about it with something who really understands. If not, it feels good to vent somewhere anyways so it’s fine, lmao.",5.542477091339052,5.225944552763824,6.082061779485662,82.73138708247122,67.45896147403685,9.100581338062863,29.95413341215883,8.583994105835817,2.0167481919400925,2306,74,485,31,34,750,248,597,0.073,0.7929999999999999,0.135,0.9911,1,1,1,0,0,0,60.0,5,0,1,4,40,25,0,2,23,1,48,11,2,11,6,118,91,57,0,12,20,7,6,7,3,2,5,4,1,1,20,51,2,2,14,2,1,5,14,7,1,3,25,13,77,18,82,54,9,81,0,3,2,2,65,41,1,10,40,340,97,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933086072951296,0.07170865792946758,0.0,0.05536880907113435,0.057610735856177674,0.0,0.0,0.09416707729536336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866450589414493,0.09682424954930716,0.0,0.05697615696158784,0.0616356148691415,0.06472725475429604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578100083829911,0.08441247303676659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265996672179696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744031718222094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259368400998382,0.0,0.0,0.05528011581150108,0.0,0.15210720100806124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045730389793352345,0.06262883625879573,0.0,0.0661589267828133,0.0,0.0,0.06527048777795187,0.0,0.10502493245374704,0.049462931266843084,0.0,0.0,0.0632813695928396,0.058892962346103424,0.0,0.07591480392202743,0.16047701838066375,0.0,0.036173478236171855,0.0,0.07869797270533606,0.0580727161118026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240455165524484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803513830056047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989020954485429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22830508835890045,0.05643740122514716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079953008126467,0.19561658104660407,0.23677992850481605,0.06939366971186565,0.06113754520670886,0.0,0.058141647661435675,0.0,0.0,0.05886282697446842,0.12497820309122085,0.0,0.0924324789253426,0.0,0.0,0.07541939758575779,0.0,0.06974899993077142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621790903871933,0.0,0.0,0.15269149883486705,0.0,0.10679969545404217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474703045094206,0.04691678746181157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768795020539091,0.0,0.06609455702018255,0.14400066763299285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087785349606494,0.0,0.06625046454384,0.0,0.0,0.07756129289612852,0.0,0.0692557430019049,0.0,0.1330649978068294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658602482818529,0.1101200930531007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290942689583478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330203020597294,0.0,0.0,0.14701892865225902,0.14759487327158602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476310428711228,0.15851961523251076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205761222468502,0.27825041580585164,0.12103239082435514,0.0,0.0,0.080389500970489,0.09199598119003563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111796581137192,0.0,0.06562858647677508,0.1323178535656266,0.07692486176430106,0.0,0.07530998114839313,0.0,0.07207816552470157,0.0,0.11959708694150399,0.0,0.0571277814357465,0.1633511211745178,0.0,0.05553775029013657,0.0,0.062252383859907126,0.06418339866715722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050405365329593665,0.0,0.0,0.04918398289993395,0.0,0.0,0.08917272430337962
bpd,technicolourjpg,2019/07/19,"workaholic to cope with unstable self image? i still get immense work anxiety and dread it the hour leading up to when my shift starts. but at work i’m a really good AI, still somewhat have a personality and can converse well with coworkers. i even get a post-work high from feeling useful. but now i’m at home with free time to finish up my day and i’m staring at my dinner plate wondering how i even got here. it’s like i don’t have anything meaningful to focus on now.",2.9193749999999987,4.640508854166671,4.4545833333333364,84.49875,75.04166666666666,7.716666666666668,26.583333333333336,8.472884824447931,1.8450458333333328,374,14,76,7,8,125,65,96,0.05,0.721,0.22899999999999998,0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,3,0,15,14,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,6,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,7,5,14,13,1,18,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,2,11,47,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775378676012405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696972411654978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329915108874403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724059114968594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426841823799587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154774834735526,0.0,0.0,0.17296322245468304,0.16492884416320014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787729849983015,0.2068502964080094,0.0,0.2030800767750129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074615361279288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005884260712765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974968119142276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321065057601519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512704998945206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595992383396106,0.0,0.3293668722716224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024553046884487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810341016055267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541190491531176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363119545208832,0.4503805745693471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Emorito,2019/07/19,"I love him but I kinda wanna just dump him and die My boyfriend just returned from his three week trip to japan and the day before he came back I started to feel crazy abandonment issues and felt suicidal again. During his trip (besides the first week) I was fine. Now I feel like something has changed and we can’t be as close. That’s ridiculous because we talked as often as we could every day but I just don’t feel like I’m his girlfriend anymore somehow. My heart feels like it’s breaking and I know I have a lot of issues with feeling unable to love myself which makes it very hard to believe him when he loves me. We did talk, but I guess the lack of face-to-face communication or physical presence has made me uncomfortable being around him again and I’m not sure what to make of it. I felt like he forgot me and had so much fun without me and didn’t need me, which once again i have no reason to believe but I hate myself so yeah. I know I love him and I just wish I was happy so I could accept his love and truly be happy with it. But I think part of me will never be happy no matter how much love and dedication he shows me because I’ll still always believe it’s impossible for someone to love me.",2.4957409523809524,4.151375896000001,3.6376571428571434,90.18606666666668,76.04,5.881904761904763,22.704761904761906,6.42735559955562,0.4027961904761908,954,27,203,7,21,309,131,250,0.146,0.5760000000000001,0.278,0.9933,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,4,0,0,1,18,22,3,0,4,1,18,8,1,5,2,64,47,25,2,6,12,0,8,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,20,0,2,12,1,0,3,8,4,0,2,10,8,43,18,21,30,5,21,0,1,0,7,27,2,0,6,19,140,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368556805315886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782361562835339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883348869690594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809398870012398,0.0,0.10796565838030564,0.0,0.07535451284921145,0.2993163809711611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128431018819932,0.0,0.0,0.09368035584825808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140929377412478,0.0,0.0,0.11422240494301655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919069996058482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461212988482169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388251346411575,0.18979296829694245,0.17005502249823368,0.0,0.0,0.07532556771431327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755426164181497,0.0,0.0,0.2828080731106879,0.079328654770468,0.08743057615960903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493911830249564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184858616774966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733596742077996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305567667625538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528702382237337,0.5594758361029086,0.08379369418451049,0.1182234459420667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301974902342668,0.06566304674035199,0.06829973711047121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430909879259726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958973646846989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910501711484865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503309124653619,0.06817462606134354,0.0,0.0,0.06268029220197786,0.0,0.07072082272090535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686573563247658,0.0,0.08346284830270284,0.0,0.0,0.14235568870959506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056743018181752564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306785730386214,0.0,0.0,0.1420683356220098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018348665221062,0.08536468714556353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kalykes,2019/07/13,Books Can anyone recommend books that helped with their recovery?,9.475,13.579648500000005,6.0100000000000025,69.785,64.0,12.0,30.0,11.20814326018867,4.972,55,2,7,2,1,15,9,10,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7218902214913825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6920075925270782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aliensandborderlines,2019/07/13,"Does anyone else with BPD not experience the intense anger? I'm struggling with my diagnosis. I feel like most of the diagnostic criteria fits me well, but I don't experience the intense anger and I don't lash out or lose my temper hardly ever. I know that you don't need to fit every criteria point to be diagnosed, but the mood swings and intense anger seem to be defining factors of BPD, from what I understand. Am I just misunderstanding the disorder or...?",5.742758620689656,7.029787816091961,6.883390804597702,71.53818965517243,67.39080459770115,10.397701149425288,32.89080459770115,10.504223727775694,3.678135632183908,368,16,66,10,6,124,57,87,0.35,0.618,0.032,-0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,3,9,4,1,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,18,12,6,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,2,10,2,9,10,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,4,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380217706634142,0.2022524486545341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972191304608826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003497333017589,0.0,0.0,0.2262294718656808,0.0,0.1727399388103871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489651714460285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855326357321355,0.16631211050472686,0.0,0.0,0.38617644875665946,0.0,0.0,0.09980782850402076,0.14101759398973385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768253502311735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848202694896128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964362459136374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083226854222726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636440351476993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660018190136696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969916771028796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635801540878246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054930676601594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748000709238465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notaloneravioli,2019/07/13,"Ha! This mental illness is a damn joke.

I can't find a place to live after I move out of where I am right now. The stress I'm under because of it is absurd. I want to slice my thighs open and I can't pinpoint why other than I just don't feel good, I *guess*. My boyfriend keeps trying to reach out and support me but I'm pushing him away so hard. He finally relented and is leaving me alone right now. Seeing him give up completely validated all the fucking ridiculous thoughts in my head. Maybe I should break up with him just to save him from me. We are planning to move in together and I'm literally so dysfunctional I'm doing this to him? What the fuck is wrong with me? Whatever. My razors are waiting for me. After I punish myself I'll come crying to him and everything will be fine until it isn't. 🙄✌️",0.2632769794308274,2.5808093372781045,2.490583262890958,91.5400394477318,88.76331360946745,5.349225133840519,20.473654550577628,6.868970318607317,0.4812127923358691,634,21,136,9,21,214,106,169,0.191,0.716,0.09300000000000001,-0.9659,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,8,13,5,1,5,1,15,5,2,0,1,25,31,9,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,12,0,2,3,1,0,4,4,7,0,0,1,3,26,6,25,27,1,24,0,0,1,2,9,13,3,1,6,91,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140135905596926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548659394211745,0.0,0.0,0.10088330347786063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255799918556744,0.1735167894291003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817868422570739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873488956738032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367848772663661,0.0,0.0,0.18129004346526795,0.15125806373066406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059921539095555,0.0,0.15875644817299753,0.0,0.13880809867373226,0.0,0.0,0.18230975164534494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824967260440292,0.0,0.1698440791302342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470982295855102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752337244825886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461337952814962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626046777392547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667785267089786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517868066003964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290548731704036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28266109493373626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318768955111759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957224873816306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780006621167425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138335571405976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235922537423257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761235595905313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933214574402667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809411661120876,0.0,0.0
bpd,carryonswan,2019/07/13,"DBT without one-on-one sessions the DBT therapy in an institute in my country (The Netherlands) is only group sessions, without one-on-one sessions or phone contact. So just group sessions. This due the fact they don’t have enough therapists to organise one on one. 

can this be any good?

sorry for bad english, it’s not my native lanuage but also i am very sleepy. xx",2.525142857142857,5.26117315714286,3.668214285714289,84.34803571428574,81.71428571428572,6.357142857142858,30.17857142857143,7.645422480735847,2.3670000000000004,291,15,51,5,8,94,52,70,0.052000000000000005,0.9179999999999999,0.03,-0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,7,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,33,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970904620214148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528177680564873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763238078857766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232196533541604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848504415928505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.609106192968583,0.17091020305695925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515564025407117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25698768160299656,0.2609180292375888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541809523612493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332454317124605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,p3wterdr4g,2019/07/13,"Coming back to work after medical leave I've been on FMLA (officially for PTSD) for a couple weeks and the thought of going back to work next week is completely overwhelming. I have my dream job, but it's hell on my mental health. If I quit, I'll lose my health insurance, which has let me finally schedule therapy for the first time in August. 

Feeling like I'm useless and broken for not being able to just go to work like everyone else.",3.771926910299001,5.58381446511628,4.980498338870434,81.23709302325581,72.95348837209302,8.635215946843855,26.239202657807308,9.23628265651192,2.2794039867109643,348,12,66,8,7,115,66,86,0.192,0.71,0.099,-0.9032,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,6,3,6,1,1,3,0,6,3,0,0,0,9,12,4,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,4,0,1,2,1,6,2,13,8,0,17,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,13,39,8,4,0.16399722030924074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522074789470544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126908399012822,0.17194796531655174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814598049951921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369986339046891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567063719519585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292192215347756,0.11715964695711566,0.0,0.17965093872797394,0.0,0.13949595181702135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640679923833328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34864275266593525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627419359707003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364937697820887,0.0,0.1676982689178192,0.0,0.16024151604705258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347094066170092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520994607893194,0.16527062551384222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441290430677778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170397446598852,0.0,0.0,0.17443123061574026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875451139230881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019547425826564,0.09562809799302867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630973559444746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581757887477829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,edwardbuzzardhands,2019/07/13,"This may not be the best advice, but honestly, it's helping my empty feelings. Comment, post your thoughts, your pics, WHAtEVer on Reddit, or social media of your choice. 

Still, discretion is advised (lol), but hear me out:

I've had a really huge problem with the ""emptiness"" factor. I lost my hobbies, and I followed people I idealized like an obedient mutt.

I only looked at my peers, and social media for my hobbies/entertainment, and the fact that I'm NOT them set in. My bulimia started rearing its ugly head, I cried myself to sleep because my best friend had more hook-ups/friends/money than me, etc.

What I find really relieving of this pressure is POSTING YOUR OWN SHIT™.

Everytime you go out, post a picture.
Write your own Facebook statuses.
Take selfies! Dress up really cute! Post that bitch!

I feel that keeping up with my own online presence, instead of constantly keeping up with others, has really helped ME keep in touch with the fact that I am my OWN PERSON.

So, you hear a song you like? Like that bitch on Facebook!!!

I find myself seeing how thorough others' interests are, and I start having the false belief that I have none of my own. I do! You do! You and I are just hyperfocused on other people's stuff!

So, when that empty feeling starts up, remember, you have, and will, have things that make you YOU.

I guess it's grounding for me?

Who knows.

Hope this helps someone else!!!",3.677302798982186,6.018212881679393,4.430858778625956,82.73931615776084,74.76335877862596,7.114758269720102,26.947201017811715,8.07648339933343,1.9375185750636128,1093,42,194,18,24,350,154,262,0.131,0.703,0.166,0.8908,1,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,13,1,4,7,17,2,1,9,1,17,2,2,2,2,40,40,13,0,3,6,0,4,3,1,2,0,3,0,1,21,12,0,3,9,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,9,43,12,24,33,10,27,1,1,2,0,27,14,2,4,9,142,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709661095233504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668091211844561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300299160699024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184350802164445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203868108537677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155396614766552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222927297470565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662461289728012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033876690260846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467412601171856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228632104110679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073310320825187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247781618852673,0.0,0.2470468556985491,0.0,0.2203810407893518,0.0,0.0,0.10885423598038922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922437045854865,0.0,0.0,0.060231471197209674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063021123804408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203361173377596,0.0,0.11963772682291175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315663744637806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335321662018576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196108202863787,0.0956955969238048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198533109072039,0.0,0.0,0.1048692250091542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808417680173483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415167811085555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733436743147029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249942093971277,0.0,0.0,0.1096758331808672,0.2234400345283559,0.09286091450072807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23271929058302865,0.0,0.08752405322778575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546198213585513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240306671687167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728111668180959,0.0,0.0,0.0870075248422789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,noproblemobobemo,2019/07/13,"My Most Painful Memory  I have many memories with my mother that are difficult. I have one that honestly is probably small in comparison, but feels like it hurts the most.

I was 16 or 17 and my family was eating dinner at the table. My dad, my brother, my two sisters, my mom, and me. My mom was sitting directly across the dining room table from me. I was telling some story from school. I was probably babbling and dominating the conversation, but I remember feeling like whatever I was talking about was exciting/important to me at the time. All of a sudden my mom takes her cup, one of those cups that are the size of a mcdonalds large..the kind southern people use for ice water, and she throws this almost full cup of water and ice at me. My whole family laughed. Like it was hysterical..and I tried to laugh along. She still tells this story about how I was talking too much so she just threw water on me. Like its the funniest thing. I just remember feeling so ashamed. Like of course i deserved it for talking to much. It also started this anxiety inside of me..that maybe nobody cares about what I am saying..maybe they are all annoyed or bored by it and are simply tolerating me. Its such a painful memory for me, but I know if I brought it up to my mom..she would just get defensive. Tell me I'm too sensitive or bring up how I have hurt her feelings. Or most likely she would apologize too profusely..in a way that implied she had no idea I felt this way about a cherished family joke. Making it sound as if my over-sensitivity would be taking away a good memory. So I feel like I just get to live with this unresolved sadness.",3.424238425925928,5.332420456250002,4.814722222222227,81.65287037037041,74.125,8.61574074074074,26.85185185185185,9.250403328903447,2.3719733796296296,1286,48,250,31,27,428,163,320,0.111,0.7170000000000001,0.172,0.9661,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,1,0,19,25,2,1,13,0,23,8,0,4,2,48,42,22,0,5,13,7,6,7,0,3,2,1,1,0,21,9,6,1,10,1,0,4,1,10,0,3,13,7,46,15,34,25,10,23,0,3,0,0,23,12,0,12,11,181,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963467495387623,0.0,0.0,0.07158378175971084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847745636235526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410072494936059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126481091166416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915944888621598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531556176209656,0.0,0.2263031590715825,0.2557933779975182,0.08594683928610525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353404615298963,0.0,0.0,0.07507953857198167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916517532216968,0.101049659756268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321436385024197,0.0491941880091089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061218583443416,0.0,0.07904191487627821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059750846278814836,0.09075247214391696,0.17985635308742062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193477449496971,0.0,0.0,0.1316052017074064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131310500893355,0.0,0.19049699946616372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062057275796135215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302103009513907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028023182310958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059227403604926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633579993245476,0.0,0.07148546506043862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460577588497374,0.21584228420739784,0.2347158010793341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946868237510256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052195945558943295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077367874068479,0.0,0.0874415216214614,0.0,0.0,0.07731078123532402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210303783991118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999384419623076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907631150306457,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SQRune,2019/07/13,BPD Communities in NYC? Hi! I was wondering if there are any communities for people with BPD in NYC.,1.3203508771929826,3.9753217368421048,4.269473684210528,75.73298245614036,94.78947368421049,8.849122807017544,22.12280701754386,8.841846274778883,2.7055122807017558,79,3,15,3,3,28,15,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23374353583535065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8658145758258688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382943606331524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727531051957795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darkdreamzzz,2019/07/13,"Recommend me a Therapist if you’re from Miami, Florida. Is anyone from Miami Florida here? I might make a post about it too. Just asking cuz I’m planning on making an appointment today for a therapist cuz I took the initiative and got really good health insurance today to get better. just wanna know if anyone can recommend me a good therapist.",3.6004910714285714,6.503690031250002,6.228839285714287,66.68937500000001,78.375,11.782142857142858,26.330357142857146,10.914260884657429,4.667435714285714,278,11,42,13,7,99,46,64,0.0,0.7809999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.9229,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,4,0,12,11,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,7,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,30,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554612212113755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077646996656318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615611966216132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954401502587396,0.0,0.0,0.3064382537646793,0.14610188883951836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417498759707927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039340515145606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24387396809967535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937893119646501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495215834957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702628559288387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.636299279966104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463090894228013,0.0,0.20295865157020684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zytghst,2019/07/13,"I regret pushing her away. Really struggling at the moment I'll try and keep this short, I had been dating another woman with BPD for quite awhile. We had been taking it slow and weren't at the official ""yes, we're girlfriends"" stage, but it felt like something that would definitely happen eventually. Welp, as of nearly a week ago I decided it would be best to go no contact with her after we had a row. 

Basically, she had recently confronted me and explained that she felt underappreciated  and that I wasn't being as supportive to her, as she had been with me. I apologized, and tried to do better. A couple of days later, she had sent me a clip of her reading poetry, and I asked her if the poem was about sexual assault, because the last time she sent me a poem about that topic, it triggered me quite a bit. She got a bit nasty and called me selfish again, and accused me of ""making everything about myself"". It was a pretty horrible experience, and after speaking to a friend and a family member about the incident, I decided that maybe it would be for the best if we went our separate ways. 

I didn't think it was fair for her to kick off at me like that for not wanting to be triggered, and I still stand by that... however, I miss her a lot, and I wish I hadn't just cut her off immediately after one argument. We were extremely close, or at least, I felt very close to her. Maybe she didn't feel that strongly about things, idk. I hate the fact that I can never just talk things out. Things have to always escalate until I feel obliged to push everyone around me away, and I always regret it. It was something I have been trying to work on through therapy, but the whole thing threw me off and on a reflex I shut the whole thing down. I've unblocked her since, but she has blocked me on everything now and I doubt I will ever hear from her again. 

Even if we could never be romantic again, I would love to still be her friend. I'm a bit lost tbh. 

I'm not sure why I'm even posting about this. I guess I figured you guys might understand where I'm coming from. :(",6.023560574081893,5.638738422330103,6.718902490502321,78.79646475306038,66.47572815533981,10.174926129168426,30.04896580835796,9.761364909221204,2.530861840439004,1618,50,330,31,23,535,199,412,0.152,0.725,0.12300000000000001,-0.7881,1,0,2,0,0,0,53.0,6,1,0,8,21,22,4,2,22,1,38,1,0,3,5,73,71,26,0,12,11,0,5,2,3,6,0,2,0,2,25,28,0,2,11,1,0,8,10,11,0,1,29,7,63,11,55,29,9,56,0,4,0,1,43,21,0,8,25,249,88,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835763082482433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710493817759768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269080732183564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869109099299089,0.08263823285304653,0.0,0.1661017135642505,0.0,0.0,0.053885319476266236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553208449341635,0.07817898911394386,0.2895162816126371,0.0,0.11133154015308408,0.0,0.09026209597711153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614523974918615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705769323898447,0.09780838075771067,0.0,0.05700804194627721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167693150141768,0.07995915126813218,0.0,0.08446606947165347,0.15888906816704942,0.08646815091582613,0.08333178639973632,0.0,0.0893912449135881,0.0,0.2546217756645247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365889043478884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023742639922959,0.0,0.07069827542725274,0.0,0.09737804842209646,0.0875258374422823,0.0781682014187605,0.0,0.0,0.0872726494522808,0.0,0.0,0.0996286024191903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857033644172716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205445560403557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637154225498142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649456566668277,0.07515103213274865,0.07978074991603258,0.0,0.05900494888600076,0.0,0.17761112321698586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377407958896176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635273325074573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059899348762798385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465883621242175,0.0899304080270182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803983858080744,0.08841982003295623,0.0,0.05662867630795593,0.0,0.08728028595104853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731220009845307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610296313112089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118615801024062,0.0,0.0,0.09241058628254464,0.0,0.0,0.1003106184731632,0.08331208854112221,0.0,0.06646271492785033,0.07104927511635224,0.0,0.0,0.10108841411090266,0.0,0.2936315368226733,0.056640522711415627,0.0,0.0,0.051544359478869914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004503857444604,0.0,0.0,0.0920232481488856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293587411648772,0.05213819139892563,0.07016455001460195,0.07090585809691001,0.0,0.0,0.08194388383209503,0.0797635496071869,0.19738172852702496,0.10165092120380376,0.0,0.0,0.06435326715093499,0.0,0.0,0.2511756413556368,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wonderland_Lost,2019/07/13,"I feel a severe episode coming on and I have no idea how to stop it. I'm feeling incredibly lonely. My friends are all entering new relationships and I'm still alone, unable to meet anyone special. I'm covered in cuts anyway so no one would want me. Every time they talk of their new loved ones I feel sick and lonely and then I feel shame for feeling that way. And now I can tell another suicide crisis is coming on. None of my friends are free to keep my company or help right now. I can't go to the hospital because it's too expensive. Ive tried distracting myself every way I know how. I tried calling my therapist, with no answer. I'm very scared and exhausted. Can someone give me some advice?",1.8411666666666693,4.254541735714291,3.5585714285714296,86.17309523809527,81.64285714285714,6.590476190476192,24.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.4906047619047629,553,21,108,10,15,184,94,140,0.266,0.593,0.142,-0.9624,0,5,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,0,8,12,1,3,2,0,9,3,0,2,1,26,26,11,1,2,1,0,5,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,8,0,2,4,5,7,0,2,0,5,18,6,11,25,3,18,0,2,0,1,12,4,0,2,8,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335494081447808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519384399970724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538292418586467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257705174791434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942783089119011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979856356759255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527405864767523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720456611371824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370883257767744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266823238380526,0.0,0.0,0.14072938048877898,0.08337380414748563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983308770715176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560805938582648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039497266912284,0.0,0.0,0.08062327007236335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240376936070186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833703130212429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988173730327903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750243574549874,0.0,0.12528222077303475,0.0,0.0,0.1468737250097532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657308604744632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429964668214308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171559525436028,0.12264896542777197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604675552438811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791305353298147,0.12822351708950075,0.0,0.0,0.17033166875906589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554278433667528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920128424496095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104404464490975,0.0865283050877942,0.2328895355636129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421248773068667,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,metroskies,2019/07/13,"Do you have close friends ? >Hey everyone, posting this here until I can see my therapist, because I just need to let it out (also I'm French pardon my approximate grammar) 

So I've always been a shy kid, still am today, but I used to have some friends in my childhood. Some of them I kept, but we only see each other when I'm back home, which is rare, but yeah, not that close of a friendship. All the friends I considered close all left me, for no reason, some day they would just stop showing up when we decided to hang out, or stop answering texts. Some were just not there for me when I needed them, or too toxic, so I decided to cut ties off. So here I am today, on vacation with no one to hang out with. ""Friends"" I made this college year won't reply to my texts, or are too busy to see me, but see other people (I can tell by checking their stories). We used to hang out a lot during the school year and help each other out but I guess that was just temporary. 

Everyone I know has close friends, people they can count on, hang out with whenever, just normal buddies. I realize I have never been able to maintain a normal, long lasting friendship. I often blame myself and my illness for it, but I consider myself a pretty outgoing, open minded and kind person with nothing but good intentions, somehow no one sticks around for long.

Do you have close friends and manage to maintain loyal, long lasting friendships ? 

​

Thanks",5.352474020783372,6.077833895683456,5.586570743405278,82.5178816946443,67.9568345323741,8.336051159072742,30.19264588329337,8.344100000000001,2.1352607513988806,1125,41,215,15,18,357,148,278,0.09,0.726,0.184,0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,3,2,5,0,22,11,1,0,7,1,21,1,0,5,3,73,36,22,0,5,17,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,2,10,26,0,3,6,1,1,4,7,1,0,2,6,4,36,10,34,27,9,44,0,0,4,0,20,19,0,11,20,160,46,3,0.10255312913753847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201170031986448,0.08533241880231968,0.11111627257427817,0.12461327690146222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912940274583922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885702607988923,0.0,0.06251543565851267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613828428501745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598781941743434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753937590657573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601669912031118,0.0,0.0,0.11297383368700994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873920073370761,0.0,0.10286915019599988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679330269605103,0.05636051777796445,0.16718897566181282,0.0,0.0,0.11142427487434166,0.10486752273021126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722688763838481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718700305813239,0.0,0.0970382504208654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354942581803693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520836916190077,0.07909529539073988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009605849275288,0.09840249328065613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389853087988781,0.07799627593008447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219485420157774,0.08954543670430685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821754941052699,0.10433340084831584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544169695292807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378924173745027,0.3268862652969161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189906140251561,0.17147801596825654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963595507834869,0.09441714286241197,0.0,0.11907208721041992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441675039947973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714595307213926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728508005462882,0.0,0.12461327690146222,0.13208170565632213
bpd,EvilAngel13,2019/07/13,"Struggling with feeling super needy I haven't done a whole lot of posting or commenting yet.  I have made IDs on here before and lurked around but never really got the nerve to participate but I'm having a bit of a rough time and it would be great to be able to talk about it somewhere to someone.  I tried to make a post on a different sub but it wasnt accepted because the account is too new.  I'm really hoping this is ok. 

I am so tired of being the one in my relationship that is more in love.  My fiance is out of town for a week to teach some classes, attend some vendor dinners and network with others from around the country in his field.  Every year at the same time he attends but this is his first year as an instructor.  

Anyway,  we have lived together for 5 years and I have struggled with this every year.    I miss him so much when he isn't here and I always seem to need way more communication with him than he wants or needs with me.  Most days, he might text me once or twice and will call once in the evening for just a few minutes.  I literally stare at my phone all day long waiting for him to say something to me.  If the phone rings I will literally drop everything to talk to him, to hear his voice. I will type out these long sappy texts and then delete them over and over.  I spend literally all day talking myself out of blowing up his phone. 

While he, on the other hand, is fine.  He enjoys getting to spend a week with others in his field learning new things, teaching, checking out the latest equipment and getting to know people who share his passion.  If something happened and we were not able to talk or text for a day or 2 he would be fine with it while I would lose my mind imagining the worst.  While he is gone, it is like my life is literally on hold waiting for him to have a second or 2 for me.  If the situation were reversed, he would be perfectly fine and probably wouldn't give me a second thought.  While I have to MAKE myself continue to do what needs done and not just stare at my phone all day. 

Tonight will be the worst because classes start early Monday morning but sunday is free so they all tend to go out drinking until late Saturday night and barhop and then they can sleep in on Sunday before getting down to business monday. 

So I will spend all day worrying about the cute, younger women he might meet who share his interests and his passions and who are physically capable of keeping up with their physically demanding job plus have had the type.of emotionally challenging experiences involved in their work that only someone who has actually been there could ever understand.  I will remind myself over and over that men who actually are in love with you and who want you as their forever will make damn sure to MAKE time to talk to you. Men who are truly in love and WANT you in their lives are never too busy to communicate in some way and make damn sure you know that you are their priority.  

Shit like this doesn't happen in relationships where the other person is more in love and more attached than you are, when they are the one with the intense longing for you and would do anything to make sure you know how much they love you and need you and would do anything to be with you. You don't have to compete with life when you ARE their lives. if something happens and we end up crashing and burning I will never be the person who loves and needs more than the other. Ever.",7.164255996603693,6.354621129271918,6.987894714497982,79.21101634472512,64.30460624071323,9.89053704096795,32.45293992782848,9.002800196639251,2.490403472723413,2712,89,541,37,35,860,279,673,0.07,0.762,0.168,0.9977,2,0,4,0,0,0,41.0,3,14,11,7,25,38,3,2,31,1,70,16,3,8,14,131,118,60,0,21,19,0,3,2,0,17,3,4,0,5,29,50,2,4,10,1,6,4,11,9,0,6,11,9,71,30,99,81,23,97,0,2,2,8,90,38,3,19,52,402,100,9,0.11998418179637785,0.0,0.11708725350696166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991822549349432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873675830357534,0.10681135992252924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731412435701597,0.0,0.10209770145615636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549582544550504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061258632324921465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789880298133857,0.0,0.0,0.2321396136448848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267896632294635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227854755958433,0.0,0.058769409852685674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748302754578171,0.05313518593982982,0.0,0.0,0.03962421023936928,0.10853256165886864,0.10109184803877608,0.0,0.05391702298694028,0.05868377647813095,0.0,0.0,0.03033380371876745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051029241871025664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403017423619353,0.05754988012809713,0.034094887775718036,0.0,0.04798115547308275,0.06614149200593918,0.0,0.0,0.15915242356303713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761544653461819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958568266078075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059532893284968476,0.0533237268603827,0.0,0.0,0.09891025268677997,0.0,0.06767369160470747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474837595659436,0.05861821059058951,0.0,0.15892234610747152,0.15927333781167574,0.0,0.06711580433252495,0.0,0.05100313034416786,0.3248712256993489,0.0567659669559402,0.2402711191245689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728425594293316,0.06057490998445851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820217917723626,0.22241687621991746,0.13880879668732055,0.11588147044770228,0.0,0.056298513332259485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777923775306455,0.08130438680025717,0.045626688475223685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415909621201078,0.10476555953896156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491167946969827,0.0,0.06468162071312739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686493922932443,0.0,0.0,0.1288181084227754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047708118588454106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054614546408352685,0.0,0.0,0.061581019197479527,0.0,0.06743362373963953,0.0600354164687649,0.0,0.10166220787268423,0.13855452756541148,0.0,0.0,0.0424627107153354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254335181724192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962550708293098,0.0,0.0,0.2410968510197504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03985607947279001,0.0,0.0,0.04762701899158092,0.10494561193904764,0.06895208329438328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073069173559883,0.0,0.0,0.062453882359734564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615466865969103,0.09523785870600633,0.09624407330277608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697902704674939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043674956676235686,0.06092488039250229,0.0,0.2556999607013837,0.0,0.0,0.15453175848188658
bpd,butterflyrainbopeace,2019/07/13,"I’m at the end of my rope. My son has BPD and when he gets angry it’s out of control. I can’t live this way anymore I grew up in an abusive household so when people yell or get disproportionately angry it triggers my childhood feelings of fear and vulnerability and helplessness. 

I just got woken up to my son and his GF arguing and he is yelling and screaming and when my husband and I try to get involved he tells us to “Fuck off” or “Stay out of this”. 

He then yelled at me to tell my husband to leave them alone and so I did and then tried to calmly talk to my son as he was freaking out because his GF was leaving for work and he was trying to stop her because he wasn’t finished with the argument and was angry at her for trying to leave. Told me to fuck off and that it doesn’t involve me. 
He is 17 and has so far refused to get help. He gets mad and tells all of us that WE are crazy. 

Meanwhile all of us are in some sort of counselling and he is the only one who is not. 

He says very cruel and hurtful things and slams the doors so hard, the whole apartment reverberates. He doesn’t get physical but it’s getting close. He bullies all of us and screams at us and tells us we are crazy or stupid. 

I try to tell him to get out until he calms down or that he doesn’t have the right to cause so much disruption in the household. He gets even angrier and turns it on me saying that I’m doing it to him. 

I’m going crazy and also recovering from a major surgery so I am emotionally empty. 
When I tell him to get out he accuses me of kicking him out which is not true. 

I bend over backwards to be accommodating and understanding and have learned about BPD as much as I can but nothing seems to work
And only seems to make him angrier. 

He then basically tells us all to fuck off and that he’s not leaving his room and for us to leave him alone. And that he doesn’t have to do anything we tell him to do. He says he doesn’t care that he’s making too much noise and doesn’t care about how we are feeling. 

He makes it sound like what he is doing is normal and he has every right to lash out at everyone just because he isn’t getting his way (wanted GF to stay and keep arguing). 

He gets mad at me for reacting or crying and being sad and triggered by my childhood abuse. 

My dad was the same but he was an alcoholic and would turn on you in a heartbeat and go from being chill and joking to being raging and abusive. One second you’re laughing and literally the next you’re getting hit and the rage would go on and on for hours until he left. Then he would leave and come back hours later like nothing happened. Leaving a house of kids and his wife sobbing and hurting and bleeding. 

My son does the same except for the physical abuse. He NEVER apologizes and retreats into his room or “runs away” for a few hours and then appears again and starts talking to me/us like nothing ever happened. 

It’s hurtful and leaves you thinking that he just doesn’t care. 
When he’s not like this he is the most loving, kind, helpful, generous person who I love and like very much. 

I’ve always been supportive and have been trying to figure out what’s wrong and how to handle it better for years. 
I need to know what to do because I can’t live this way anymore. 

It hasn’t happened in weeks and just when you think maybe it won’t happen again, he explodes irrationally and doesn’t allow any of us to have our emotions because his is the only one that’s right. We are all liars and crazy and he’ll scream in our faces and get into our personal space and won’t let people leave and refuses to leave when asked. It an impossible circle and it leaves a wake of destruction in its path. 

I’ve had to call the police once before due to his raging. We live in an apartment and have gotten several complaints from neighbours. 

This is truly becoming a threat to our residency but he doesn’t care when he’s angry. It’s all about his feelings and feeling persecuted and that no one is on his side and we all are crazy for reacting to his rage and insults and the way he thinks he can do whatever he wants and we have to let him act that way just because he is feeling a certain way. 

I KNOW this is not his fault when it happens and I try so hard but the only way he calms down is if you agree with him that he’s right. When he is
Absolutely not right and is out of control and bullying everyone.

I never get an apology and I’m tired of being forced to condone his behaviour. 

Please help. Right now I don’t really care to see or speak to him for the rest of the day. I CANT leave due to my recovery from surgery. 

This is the second time since I’ve been home from the hospital that a huge argument has happened. The first time I was able to let
Him talk it out but he was loud and angry for a couple of hours before he eventually calmed down. But he still ended up thinking he fight was all his GFs fault. 

It gaslighting and makes you so confused that you seriously begin to question your own sanity and he will deny what he said and did even though it literally just happened and persists so that you end up feeling like YOU ARE the problem. 

I’m just sobbing and my heart is breaking. 
Help me. Help me to help him. 

I’m backed in a corner with nowhere to turn.",3.6675876379259833,4.590877531539891,4.675422810272437,86.80574431207891,71.92207792207795,7.4918660287081345,26.70740162093545,7.716178576656502,1.3279821892393322,4121,135,881,49,76,1346,359,1078,0.195,0.696,0.109,-0.9986,0,2,1,0,4,0,61.0,21,9,1,7,43,60,18,2,38,0,90,11,3,14,13,194,171,124,0,9,29,8,8,6,4,7,3,13,4,3,49,101,1,6,18,1,0,8,27,36,0,7,21,22,98,24,135,134,21,130,0,7,1,5,166,63,5,16,55,582,147,3,0.033716913816326424,0.1597961177671947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03603312690138974,0.0,0.0698411084490855,0.0,0.0269634037973308,0.028055173300834336,0.0,0.0,0.022928657597342517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687623700157362,0.0,0.0,0.027746147203594158,0.0,0.0315207629694649,0.0,0.031678150423370736,0.051852451007742086,0.0,0.12332110628011778,0.03723768230674944,0.057381220579297565,0.0,0.0,0.029819870294602438,0.0,0.0,0.08493054527028056,0.0,0.03442873878342784,0.0,0.1718832037512755,0.034636558240729094,0.0,0.029044135753184732,0.0,0.0,0.07563277170476901,0.0,0.037307123831815,0.03703644660293298,0.021744620080845198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029505898494939887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585397974167267,0.08958953379311903,0.0,0.0,0.044539407167792006,0.030498878876612706,0.02840795408882372,0.06443591211619651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037940901903387926,0.10228970823264837,0.02408736996734153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02867958966787385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351223054824838,0.2642354378209882,0.0,0.057486297385206366,0.0,0.02696649607761093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871028875171715,0.0,0.060407464205255015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039954705212957374,0.13559841965426025,0.0,0.03382081366689068,0.0,0.1328174734159988,0.03890479162453739,0.1082839607705272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029969142198561543,0.0,0.03511097724121613,0.037059868119959205,0.0,0.0,0.4284161207215148,0.03663352551579703,0.1034334863039866,0.0,0.09883428590133594,0.0,0.08931795786693908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060861662230878924,0.0,0.09002520715409787,0.0,0.03387317178973681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914324469130427,0.02500066436934236,0.052009125033909566,0.0,0.03585832035371063,0.0,0.03303541676135865,0.09705686447087848,0.0,0.0,0.03590741281336157,0.0913898136101236,0.1025729291985676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046750125369746216,0.058880617244847826,0.0,0.03701104637113496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03226253295355026,0.0,0.0,0.037770659952511665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02159991836165972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276436103833342,0.03207250613489997,0.08043912949371207,0.0,0.0,0.026868014968064485,0.06138922403932341,0.0,0.038090515474491736,0.0,0.027890979529838773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023865005139198862,0.07187548790014292,0.026926370927631404,0.02818884969390963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03826155423526145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130113445470212,0.23576055046882255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0224000193445714,0.08641774777676924,0.03312669663441886,0.0,0.03932120718107667,0.03875263247347603,0.0,0.03221795605809825,0.0,0.16024099871454922,0.11002296052989093,0.0,0.035100496373626625,0.4055729586693939,0.0,0.0,0.055639970038681326,0.03977421868796754,0.18734041755970696,0.027045674490567453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764373017551921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909262964958217,0.0,0.0,0.07185458456880417,0.0368641522883485,0.0,0.0217125870452718
bpd,j01ene,2019/07/13,"I am diagnosed, but I don't relate to many posts on this thread I don't have a favourite person, I am everything, but not abusive, I never harm others buy myself, I never show my emotions to others and I am always seen as the most coldblooded person. I am not emotionally unstable om the outside. 
Well... I guess.. My question is DAE?",2.7542051282051325,4.897007215384619,4.79192307692308,80.0022435897436,76.84615384615384,7.410256410256411,26.21794871794872,8.344100000000001,2.0557179487179487,259,10,47,5,6,89,44,65,0.051,0.83,0.12,0.6326,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,2,10,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,1,12,1,4,9,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,2,39,15,0,0.0,0.2673110220279425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877256382196457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289894558130529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075618890610133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276376916574868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485349100456711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873318391512554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34800876421410915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939879940334219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607206740704213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25273489382978065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028505332750804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thunderwow,2019/07/13,How do BPD call their FP in spanish? I asked once if it was best friend but i was told that not :/,-2.1346969696969715,-0.32501840909090873,-0.3936363636363627,110.94621212121214,96.72727272727272,2.9333333333333336,11.87878787878788,3.1291,-2.180684848484848,73,1,21,0,3,23,20,22,0.0,0.713,0.287,0.7394,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472399205489229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897962483862269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678071374794767,0.0,0.3792748459591001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869683841011412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955642566300709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549203587711458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theNotoriousJew,2019/07/13,"I feel like shit I don't know where to post this and I don't know if this is the adequate sub, but I have a problem and I need to let it out.

I'm lost. Since the day I was born. Every time I talked to someone about it, most of them would say that this is a normal thing every human being goes through. To me, no, I refuse the idea that it's normal to be lost. And frankly I don't know who to blame here (well, been blaming my parents for that, but it got me to basically nowhere).

Mood swings till forever and I don't find joy in the company of my friends as well as in so many things. Surprisingly, never have I ever imagined myself getting those ideas but suicidal thoughts have been crossing my mind quite frequently. Fortunately for me, they tend to be disregarded as I keep telling myself that there's still hope for things to get better.

The derivative of being lost is that I have no will to do anything. And the worse thing of it is that even if I have the will to do something, at some point I get discouraged extremely easily that I feel like I'm such a pathetic useless creature. My brain has been in passive mode for a very long time and I don't know who to rewire it. Some say that it's possible to do it alone. Others say it's impossible, you need someone's help. Take gaming for example: I was an avid gamer since I was a kid till a few years ago and now I don't have the will (or the patience to be precise) for it anymore.  I still play but not as intensively as when I was a kid.

What I'm trying to do is...finding that feeling when you get a game and you get hooked to it to the point that when you got with friends, uni, school or whatever, you do nothing but think about the game, that you can't wait to finish whatever you're doing just to go back home and start playing and enjoying it. That's what I'm trying to do; regain that feeling and channel it to something else. I like problem solving and I was trying to hook myself in programming but it's too damn frustrating.

By any chance, is this truly BPD?

Advices will be deeply appreciated.",3.3489219415703,4.432105634433963,4.4941935483870985,87.2024193548387,72.84433962264151,7.7351186853317095,26.88496652465003,8.155646560271837,1.5131616859403536,1615,56,351,24,31,530,194,424,0.157,0.693,0.151,-0.7772,1,1,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,6,2,5,20,25,3,0,20,0,46,2,2,0,3,60,79,33,1,10,12,1,4,3,2,5,0,3,1,3,41,14,0,5,14,6,0,2,11,10,2,0,14,7,42,14,50,53,4,33,0,5,0,0,26,9,2,8,24,247,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868385503926422,0.0787740964816807,0.0,0.0,0.09203808256138377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043173505770845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813091257039027,0.0,0.0,0.07312891343774611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833225120331209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859450530185022,0.0,0.0,0.11192325997042184,0.09920353009578332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057311035941697126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423590375328272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058694968123719764,0.08038412890086594,0.1497463990413739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973270700802418,0.1269713723032873,0.0,0.0,0.16244331123619604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731486539558402,0.0,0.23214334730040054,0.0,0.05050443501809533,0.0,0.14214806422734458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956481705627618,0.0,0.08913956005826308,0.08826370855789901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063715598076345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898793261495478,0.0,0.0,0.19535309662076025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090871216713273,0.0,0.13024590198642064,0.0,0.0,0.07864336331534301,0.0,0.0,0.2910222838198803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900958892543402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897290416428898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178560663838412,0.06853871953229257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413906983152766,0.08526905241232334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867486244513923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801365345791147,0.10018274386743016,0.0851087923616923,0.0,0.0,0.17006497964063194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451962898086637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21200875547114967,0.0,0.08993685015993058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121938171100746,0.1470212792259186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059126767264888,0.13682634143319358,0.0,0.0,0.06289961205099383,0.0,0.14193655315894302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720467116974686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681595988864762,0.07142689734304578,0.07767255378179387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23615373531079756,0.056941563366261765,0.0,0.07054945309070555,0.10363662872228076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810019661188899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332352349284807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598019042826514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056175787700753,0.06312765584449165,0.0,0.0,0.057226608324831764
bpd,Throwaway354736,2019/07/13,In dire need of advice I just slept with someone that isn’t my boyfriend and I feel absolutely terrible idk what to do. I was super drunk and it just happened. Please any advice is helpful thank you.,2.647307692307692,5.136303410256414,3.3407051282051263,88.47721153846153,79.0,5.951282051282053,25.134615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.1436615384615385,159,6,31,2,4,50,33,39,0.214,0.551,0.235,0.2567,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,7,9,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6482530959443852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22556260535971376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771394045847754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29331501292246764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232681736108084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459461469530701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640992941309382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810423914539909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053783380206365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,devondusk,2019/07/13,"Need to know if he’s coming back, at least to apologize So, short thing. I asked my ex [28M] boyfriend to go out of my [24M] apartment in Denmark 2 weeks ago. I miss him like hell and I want him to come back but he blocked any means of communication with me except for email two days ago.

Long story:

We have been together for almost a year, moving in together one month after meeting for the first time, and over the whole year there has been lots of ups and downs, he struggled with alcoholism and I struggled with BPD, causing serious issues like police coming over due to suicide attempts. Also he cheated on me once.

Then, this job opportunity to come to Denmark arises. I would be the only one working and he would be taking care of the house. During the first month I felt neglected due to the cultural shock and also all my family telling me I should send him back to Spain since I should’nt be taking care of someone who doesn’t have a job. He has shown manipulative and mistreater traits all along the relationship.

So, I kicked him back to Spain due to an anger attack and I started regretting it right after. At first we only talked on instagram and then we went over to WhatsApp. On Wednesday night he blocked me because he said I was getting too pushy on asking him to come back, he didn’t have it clear and also I started throwing him stupid accusations like him flirting with his cousin on Instagram.

Now he has been blocking me for 3 days and I’m willing for him to come back. My best friend thinks he’s a mistreater and that of course he will come back. Now he’s in his hometown on some sort of “holidays” but after that he will need to go back to Madrid with his parents. His mother is extremely controlling and that’s what turns him off the most. Do you think if I apply correctly the 0 contact theory will he talk to me again and also come back here? I’m desperate.",4.931563342318057,5.851637218328843,5.305416711590297,83.45703611859838,69.0,8.307967654986522,28.856172506738552,8.488131031819089,1.9538221239892184,1492,52,297,22,25,475,189,371,0.156,0.7440000000000001,0.1,-0.9763,3,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,3,1,0,8,21,21,5,2,13,0,25,1,0,3,4,66,58,26,1,10,5,4,1,3,1,8,1,1,0,0,9,32,1,5,5,1,0,14,3,12,0,6,8,2,40,9,57,39,8,73,1,3,0,0,51,21,1,7,41,199,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799744481130354,0.07715716457331055,0.07229536147260615,0.0,0.0,0.2309452399111153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909677177128393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498982214710406,0.0821350723504351,0.0,0.4996387485596786,0.0,0.044010922313502135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576681586622425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093021647348762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722031396851698,0.07416671419459625,0.0,0.4975339871737008,0.0,0.0,0.0809756287530991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312282193845227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806137206070573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932091645129868,0.0,0.0,0.18423345489456933,0.0,0.0,0.055779604877252434,0.0,0.03772021084533083,0.0,0.08206299942085736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330621481393033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535542638202973,0.1432897453513745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039677854650557585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581614639834228,0.0,0.0,0.06389251038932478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137972770915232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864423653675391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152547020330724,0.07673451048122525,0.0,0.10706705418413476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067752457455963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688797498547051,0.09784578102724303,0.10981889527099536,0.0,0.0,0.08016677324266029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751308954610224,0.0,0.0616562655132927,0.06867634998486759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972251321912358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061172702493251324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220351589842462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095299325886338,0.0,0.07897234045930328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856706100526738,0.11605922199101668,0.06310379210982259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796480704392536,0.092522478072946,0.0,0.0,0.04209893942863116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853014158961076,0.07052646106644785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425839526150587,0.0,0.05791247491164628,0.0,0.0,0.06692780038150144,0.0,0.08060592388371965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256063560033843,0.0,0.0,0.1025740567764096,0.0,0.0,0.09298563827386036
bpd,Celtslap,2019/07/13,"Suffering with ‘read’ receipts I suffer so much with ‘read’ receipts on messaging apps, especially if takes someone several days to respond. It gives me time to invented an extremely plausible narrative as to why that person now wants nothing more to do with me. 

As a courtesy to others, i make sure that I never read a message until I have the time & energy to respond to it. I also like to keep unread messages as little ‘treats’ to read later- like delayed gratification. As much as I’m tortured by instant messaging, at least I know that I’m respectful of other’s feelings in this regard, even if it’s not entirely necessary. (Others are probably much more chill with it). I will always respond to a text, even if it takes me a few days to open it. I’m morally opposed to ghosting no matter what I feel about a person. I can take a bit of pride in this.
Does anyone else feel this way?",6.39337209302326,6.477001825581398,7.445906976744188,72.3142093023256,65.62790697674419,10.368372093023256,35.22325581395349,10.125756701596842,3.668514418604651,702,31,124,15,10,238,102,172,0.083,0.7959999999999999,0.121,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,0,8,0,5,0,0,1,2,21,19,11,1,4,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,16,5,0,3,4,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,12,6,30,18,8,16,1,2,0,0,10,6,0,3,11,89,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827604313825387,0.11266022559336665,0.14670138865174054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467195336963978,0.13872908814227403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781724304434685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463829415569612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848585446720615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310589124377834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885541484675244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538068829229264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988407368261948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034608678853602,0.0,0.0,0.07441003942632668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229518404807794,0.13570225008073794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037780695841048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985946707549437,0.0,0.10442565612417036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299160066894424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23644493479867246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459796679318099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417301143112667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295881512862525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147204969730846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760902259264514,0.0,0.3054025738393405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579008628505554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986000304002866,0.10747095415327006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217372991278487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,j-c-price,2019/07/13,"Anyone got a grip of their bpd without medication and only therapy? Just wondering if anyone has and success stories?  I dont want to be medicated but my psych offered me meds and i had to firmly say no. Just not sure if medicating is the right answer especially when it seems that a lot of causes of bpd is childhood trauma. Surely therapy and learning more aboit myself will allow me to recognise unwanted patterns and feelings and give me a greater chance of being ME??

No offense meant to anyone that is on meds, more just a curious question",6.034831932773107,7.35982273529412,7.098739495798322,70.12147058823533,66.74509803921569,9.357983193277313,35.159663865546214,9.606745405546679,3.6948722689075635,437,21,70,9,7,147,71,102,0.158,0.693,0.149,0.4448,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,5,0,9,3,0,2,2,28,16,10,0,4,8,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,3,9,3,10,10,4,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,6,2,56,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125542364231765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37532230098970265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306475068426634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746276966137104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533922481259353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293503700051938,0.0,0.0,0.11916946164974612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266750566058389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33101234909096505,0.4503075524182763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332173743717762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691487094734225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724577340926185,0.0,0.11849132753165526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564463026280485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28086277014147304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34079054448841994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788446624549909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363134611107406,0.1615848901708414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lucybaby5,2019/07/13,"I’m obsessed with my bf’s exes I constantly worry if I’m as good as the girls my boyfriend has previously dated. I’m constantly looking up things about them and comparing myself to them, desperate to know if I’m better or worse than them.

He says he loves me and doesn’t like any of them anymore, (especially as one or two of them seem to have been abusive towards him) but even though I know this, I physically cannot stop worrying that I’m not as good as they are, which I know sounds ridiculous.

I’m constantly wracked with suspicion that he’s thinking about them, or is going to leave me for them, no matter how many times he says he loves me.

What can I do to stop myself worrying so much about this? Does anyone else get like this with their boyfriend’s ex-partners?",5.869175627240143,5.810956290322581,6.124086021505381,81.83057347670255,66.74193548387096,9.727598566308245,31.415770609319,9.444778638647367,2.5393942652329744,615,22,127,11,9,197,90,155,0.121,0.693,0.18600000000000005,0.9018,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,9,1,7,9,1,1,1,0,9,2,0,1,0,21,25,16,0,2,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,8,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,1,4,22,7,22,24,1,10,0,0,1,2,21,2,0,6,9,79,30,0,0.0,0.16532418152974404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488745042927696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837957142591026,0.09756494990966658,0.14296838772057316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340589292565067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523578846710459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221065589611484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656219419706496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921604496870562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290040684226043,0.0,0.07930000801171573,0.2340678772080129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005161014457365,0.0,0.0,0.14774565135894052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633787563825733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717285634865104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251868559398142,0.0,0.0,0.14146489782792293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257305378765563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455139678212716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219250118184979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702590476989412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333122265560982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269974555419293,0.08940732491168983,0.13709079004906213,0.0,0.0813630078728679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630379018746422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42510861467147065,0.14219638577540095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lunakhalani,2019/07/13,"Kinda just done I’m only 17, diagnosed in May (I’ll be 18 in September so they didn’t feel the need to wait after testing) and I just wanna give up honestly. Everyday is a struggle to keep going and I’m hardly capable of basic human functioning. My family thinks I’m lazy, which might be true but I don’t leave the house/do anything because I have no interest and I’m always so tired. I’m so tired. I don’t want to exist anymore. If I feel happy I know it’s temporary, I’ve never been consistently happy and I don’t think I will be. I’m destined for failure and unhappiness. I hate planning my life when I’m manic because I know I don’t have the capacity to accomplish it. I’m just done. I wanna go without hurting anyone.",-0.40117848970251657,1.8489810789473715,3.1347597254004604,84.35875286041191,96.76315789473685,6.064530892448512,21.740274599542328,7.423996415210882,1.4380002288329514,572,23,112,13,23,208,90,152,0.19399999999999998,0.634,0.171,-0.6944,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,7,8,1,1,4,0,17,4,0,0,2,28,39,11,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,6,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,4,3,15,5,13,29,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,4,4,68,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699658037654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328210985234148,0.11512256256276795,0.0,0.13548757103572964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200730297492353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710968563584336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369749246941859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521123783961027,0.0,0.1664974000258043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794104659542865,0.18714138923884666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505321321636273,0.14748823570966985,0.16255136888645594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625427077945807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634270670853758,0.0,0.0,0.18096752236026914,0.0,0.0,0.17433369266006588,0.0,0.0,0.1162925723394548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466073390596293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220810682227956,0.12698321627921685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521880001175054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212113295633427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210993812127114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784669638306735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971110014001977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871045759487826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vensie,2019/07/13,"A message to all BPD fighters ❤️ I don’t know whether or not this is an acceptable thing to do via this sub, but I really just wanted to send all people dealing with BPD and other illnesses out there a massive hug. You are all wonderful people who deserve lots of love, and who are capable and insightful, and stronger than you think. 

You’re just battling a very difficult to fight illness which makes you a survivor, and certainly not a monster or a failure or anything you happen to be told, or anything feel about yourself when going through an episode. It’s so easy to get bogged down with a brain that can’t quite process the enormity of the dysregulation it’s experiencing, so just go easy and try to give that brain and tired body some love. Remember that your story is your own, but you are far from alone in your battle.

If you are having a hard time- because let’s face it, we all come back to that place with this disorder- you are no less clever or funny or beautiful or compassionate, no less valued or loved, no less worthy of your spot on this earth than you are in your greatest, most happy times. And you have achieved so much despite your condition- that’s something to take pride in!

And if you are feeling hopeless or weak, or like you can’t go on, remember that this isn’t the end of your story. There are so many things to cherish and to appreciate and to be here for, even for a day longer. Perhaps for you these are the many others who can’t help themselves who may need your presence in some way, or an interest you would like to pursue, or even the littlest moments that bring you a good feeling or a sense of peace. They are all worthwhile. And so are you, because your impact is big in your space within the world.

Lots of love and courage to you all 💖",6.292350427350428,6.166728797720798,6.080141025641026,82.72944230769231,65.86609686609687,9.185242165242164,32.6497150997151,8.697196308434329,2.400784501424501,1412,53,286,19,20,441,181,351,0.109,0.5920000000000001,0.299,0.9984,0,1,1,0,2,1,32.0,1,26,1,3,16,23,3,0,20,0,27,13,4,1,7,69,50,37,0,5,23,0,4,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,25,19,0,0,10,0,0,6,10,6,0,0,1,5,30,17,41,44,17,30,0,1,0,5,44,16,0,22,9,211,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648881549095498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511251576372584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648531978266077,0.0,0.13712582665243758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493290664099448,0.28331333328560465,0.25111565542821673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688611896282942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253622093827629,0.11595542866024895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289045851922432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996182993435291,0.0,0.0,0.1485756139574379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706102210222383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876285728376321,0.1078950056235252,0.19176415833220228,0.0943375891773102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946010658991178,0.11973032718942204,0.10075432805039564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538873899500677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061812594837211236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501196138121605,0.0,0.10989792067741988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124220669278866,0.4060475613587436,0.0,0.07507705689804256,0.2280613226126852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268109852837803,0.08339781093235922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595018032525768,0.0,0.1175110601245079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962960672591536,0.0,0.0,0.07205352150117589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548215152274646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658773628233474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456621223208045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944503478640114,0.07206859469627855,0.0,0.0,0.13116861830843496,0.12927195327326307,0.0,0.10747342423648618,0.0,0.07636224791573368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280256782412337,0.06633989243480015,0.089276374492744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197291160736387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989807750656963,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,geezuspls,2019/07/13,"Bipolar Meds? I joined this reddit to seek answers.

Ive been diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. 7 years ago I had bipolar meds prescribed to me and experienced a psychosis. Scratching my arm. Hallicianting things through dreams that didnt happen.

Has anyone else ever experienced this?",4.082040816326529,7.451745367346941,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,85.12244897959185,6.06530612244898,29.44897959183673,7.447530270364453,2.4509102040816324,229,11,35,4,7,70,40,49,0.0,0.9309999999999999,0.069,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,1,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347203815499033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145363134366806,0.25124236997751065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088281837035467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488787757772724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483802319353764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218027292415064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683472297549164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5447368423546554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162903870853376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158090554750207
bpd,snittykitty9,2019/07/13,"DAE fixate on a random person, and how do I stop? Hey guys, I'm trying to understand why I do this and find a fix. So I'm in a very happy relationship and up until recently I'd become non symptomatic with my bpd. But then, I got really bloody stressed, and it just flipped on like a switch and came back in what felt like full force. Fun times. So anyway, I randomly fixated on my regular cashier at the shops, got obsessed with him, fighting urge to seduce, the whole gammut. My logical brain wants to just get over it and go back to normal, my bpd girl is like ""oh shop day lets look pretty!"". And it fucking sucks. 

Can anyone she'd some light and maybe even some solutions? I really hate feeling this way.",3.3514313346228235,4.826557489361704,4.556608639587363,85.22454545454549,73.39716312056738,8.247840103159254,24.165699548678273,8.841846274778883,1.6289092198581565,550,16,113,11,11,181,98,141,0.13,0.75,0.12,-0.3481,0,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,9,11,4,2,6,0,6,3,1,1,0,27,21,14,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,11,0,1,5,2,2,2,0,6,0,0,4,4,11,5,15,15,4,20,0,0,1,2,8,9,2,4,11,66,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791054045774033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373392033357761,0.0,0.0,0.1704444376493416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887443613863452,0.17228238779208166,0.0,0.17651145093250425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995295440529195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193295792973377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803346286613942,0.0,0.14818020038714805,0.0,0.14105406084643807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426748261598337,0.08063061897967573,0.0,0.08770882095230327,0.0,0.2468622628797969,0.0,0.0,0.15281013688717274,0.0,0.16428626581760314,0.0,0.15236809951237093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781202727179794,0.0,0.22619230356710615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959762975604566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504438943169052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512098144567077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347542740720625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700824308010886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977344297691417,0.0,0.1523814319688905,0.16569176706770447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290260922922528,0.17678353701474792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999057715867959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477937256169366,0.0,0.0,0.1606621034126811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733772373301466,0.0910273400122944,0.12249930769789645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925806699214596,0.17230300124309764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gayasfck,2019/07/13,"Am I BPD or Just Gay? Gay Relationship Volatility: Is it BPD?

How damaging is Gay childhood?

Okay, hear me out; we spent our lives in a closet. We lied to everyone for years. We lied to ourselves. We lied about our feelings and our moods. We didn't know what was real and what people were telling us to be. We didn't want to be gay. We were stuck in this place where we didn't get to fit in. Bullied. Afraid our own friends and family would abandon us. What kind of trauma is that shit. How would that effect a kid in another circumstance as an example. 

Some kid grew up in a bad household. Their father was constantly in and out of the house and there was always a fear that he would leave and never come back. Just because people believe there's something wrong with him. Now let's say this kid also has a tail.. hear me out. He's told to keep it a secret and that it'll go away someday. It's not real but just don't tell anyone about it. He sees the news and it talks about how gross people with tails are. In church he hears that people with tails will go to hell. Now he's fearing eternal damnation. And all the movies he watches are people without tails falling in love. But he saw someone at school with a tail and knew that's all he wanted to be with. THEN, THEN - some people in his life find out about the tail. And they make fun of him, and some leave him, some are repulsed by him, and his parents aren't happy about it. The tail didn't go away like they thought it would. 

So let's move forward now:

That is some traumatic shit reading it from the outside. I would want to cradle that kid and tell him that everything is going to be alright. 

But this impact.. this scar, it has to live on for every relationship after it. 

Fear of abandonment, longing for attention and appreciation for who you are, somewhere and someone safe, And that fear of abandonment can cause them to be irrational, delusional about how things are headed. It leads to all the same symptoms that people with borderline show. Gays will spend the rest of their life desperate for that love that they needed as kids. Because more often than not, they didn't have accepting parents. And they sure as hell didn't have an accepting society. 

​

It sounds a lot like borderline symptoms.

​

Can I get some thoughts on this theory?",2.765191069991957,5.111601219026554,3.1924698310539017,90.4710136765889,77.73893805309734,6.321480289621882,23.32582461786001,7.435244526350478,0.9507637168141594,1829,59,367,25,44,566,207,452,0.214,0.7190000000000001,0.067,-0.9971,2,0,1,0,0,0,65.0,14,1,8,2,23,32,4,5,18,2,45,14,3,8,5,96,73,33,0,9,10,3,1,2,1,8,4,5,1,5,36,37,0,5,11,2,2,10,12,17,0,0,18,9,35,14,63,40,14,45,3,4,3,7,62,23,4,9,16,254,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680256111437525,0.05910254165139149,0.15392166822745965,0.17261813251647434,0.0,0.07448101155959927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966573640144725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334698014344923,0.05461758536563156,0.0593069742565464,0.08659829855336736,0.0,0.0,0.08002633957904975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891926866703292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296724223131636,0.0,0.06118594330801085,0.0,0.07675805529202136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984572869188407,0.06787208438986278,0.06383706682882738,0.0,0.06696063963031952,0.3197134034413049,0.03591483631498956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492001406569167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487750111143711,0.0,0.07422035050780544,0.0,0.16147164727452226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561261706098613,0.0,0.0,0.07289713840144797,0.0,0.24016747624235105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195893294872453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631346117899148,0.0,0.07396667889263484,0.039036158780203035,0.0,0.0,0.15042075215837813,0.0,0.14526570832121002,0.10034099510438707,0.06940321292895056,0.0,0.12544135249596447,0.06285919948014138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038705514302365,0.1282144611406292,0.0,0.04741298956208892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549351045934559,0.0,0.052667748345634834,0.05478261434367355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577405289049842,0.0,0.0,0.34470217695174965,0.0,0.07421109587020266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104909136357147,0.16169508420858175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251899568230426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648580329345065,0.0,0.07188602021190149,0.056601609860418026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582228098346606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036675614502378,0.054682263879023765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669448115619541,0.14765446288128642,0.0,0.057091118678772784,0.18624971058489487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04718908923172235,0.0,0.0,0.11277956481239015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787208438986278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708803750766571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568577235917014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847025965707249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522879073426175,0.07766001203067108,0.17261813251647434,0.04574090726306355
bpd,rexipexi,2019/07/13,"Is my boyfriend abusive or is it just me? I’m a 21yo female with a 24yo male. My first time having sex was with him about a year ago, and we decided to have an open relationship (open on our terms, which are only being aloud to make out but not to have sex with people). And I’m super into him making out with other people and even open to more if he consults me first, but he seems to get so jealous whenever I’m attracted to someone. Lately I’ve had a really hard time having as much of a sex drive as I had before because he gave me Chlamydia and HPV and I had to get a biopsy: I have BPD and the biopsy was honestly traumatizing. But ever since then, every time I tell him I’m attracted to someone else, he attacks me about my sex drive not being as high for him (as if I only got off on other people). It’s also important to say that we have sex at least once a day every time we see each other. I honestly don’t know if I’m the one that’s overreacting because of BPD or if it’s him.
Also, super important: I’m splitting him so I’m omitting a lot of stuff with which he has helped me, but non of the things I’ve said are false.",6.691627384960718,4.17733859670782,7.9332734754956995,77.53124579124581,66.32510288065842,10.811672278338943,31.555929667040786,9.095868883498916,2.3911514403292173,881,23,194,12,11,307,118,243,0.07200000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.121,0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,4,0,0,4,9,8,2,0,12,0,19,6,0,2,1,41,36,25,0,4,13,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,12,21,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,3,8,4,24,6,32,26,6,26,0,0,1,6,23,11,0,8,13,133,36,1,0.0,0.1581297872592565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830536779479532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345786697867655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183146753586174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271350913177676,0.0,0.11356571523345947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361796079418704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607148147183104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114897699798252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814991350862776,0.12072336414157092,0.22489376083997129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22704418486415545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945601567071292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067411736270757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955508803492533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945627946505519,0.14100916468896038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733468264880254,0.0,0.1505501314910111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346400348039415,0.0,0.0,0.17817287496292974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810939345891208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213190229012776,0.090436814021265,0.2030066274370793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27757573146420456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549871030841183,0.0,0.0,0.14328746298305325,0.0,0.0,0.12695223495658936,0.1061337627129077,0.0,0.0,0.1063513569752263,0.12149813240759393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040054592392892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261626106094449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278122967364308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665103699225685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866574089667857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112893711412704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594468547274753
bpd,batdpider93,2019/07/13,"Really good at self destructing DAE feel like they are really good at self destruction? Like it's a skill? I hate feeling this way more than anything but for some reason wallow in it like a pig in sh*t. It's like a masochistic thing where I get some kind of pleasure out of all this dread even though at the end of the day I hate myself and just want to end it all. I don't know what to do anymore but continue on the downward spiral. I mean I've had residential treatment that I squandered, I've been hospitalized numerous times, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt to the point that I can't afford decent therapy, and I've pissed away every decent relationship I've ever had. I've got some dbt workbooks but can't get myself to do them. I just hate myself so much, I'm literally withering away and the years just keep going by that I haven't done sh*t with my life or that I haven't been in a relationship in years and have zero friends. F*CK! Like I said before the one consistent thing I have in my life is self destructing.",5.622543859649126,5.4008771196172285,6.446519138755982,79.8652173046252,67.2775119617225,9.837480063795855,28.89992025518341,9.516144504307137,2.2553920255183413,814,24,170,15,12,270,111,209,0.17800000000000002,0.695,0.127,-0.9562,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,8,18,7,1,10,0,16,3,1,1,3,26,32,10,0,1,7,0,2,5,1,0,2,1,0,3,13,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,5,8,0,2,7,3,20,10,26,25,7,27,0,0,0,0,9,17,1,4,13,110,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161809588025635,0.0,0.0,0.10091577344087166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304337988040824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435088903065737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790875625914703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549522032070914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723129169608504,0.0,0.0,0.08099734874817861,0.11092775974727556,0.1033228374992208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240129538898244,0.08760840027893371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474526008184893,0.0,0.12814042676521326,0.0,0.0696946513007348,0.20571598278155984,0.09808009698405347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36322144510340093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090010494839275,0.0,0.12770246616810227,0.06739539777360379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323736477598736,0.2995592604570566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335823131234095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014870736868044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309868805756247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592697737650327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712253321024794,0.1260862282362628,0.0,0.26332197386317696,0.0,0.0,0.11665121427638316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837960915917216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402404995036068,0.0,0.1629426428585435,0.0,0.12048542047562033,0.0,0.07150776657728336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233159278746049,0.09733965685423013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579421098718902
bpd,throwawaymylife3333,2019/07/13,Hurting myself Why do I keep pushing people away if I’m so lonely ?,3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714288,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,72.57142857142857,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,1.2165142857142857,53,2,9,0,1,19,13,14,0.373,0.627,0.0,-0.7133,0,2,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632324265659369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278153473347539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43824144646075214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418156320343807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448968266875496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lozzza01,2019/07/13,"Splitting This is overwhelming 

Recently I found out I have bdp traits that go along with my CPTSD and GAD 

for me i have been splitting and it’s been very short periods of time reoccurring throughout the day 

It’s extremely annoying and repetitive 

How the hell do I make it stop? 

 
I just want to feel one way towards my partner but he’s either an angel or a devil in my eyes. His own goddamn fault for crossing relationship boundaries and being a scumbag. Holy shit I hate men and their stupid brain functions

Sometimes but rarely I will have a normal feeling with him which is absolute bliss 

but right now my patten is 
Split (hate him)
disassociate
 come back to sanity for 10 minutes
feel amazing (I love him so much I’m so lucky, and fantasise over future together) 
remember him being a fuckwit
feel anxious
split
disassociate.
Repeat 3X 

 
for some reason I never show it
So In his eyes we have a great relationship but secretly when he’s at work and sometimes when he’s around me I fucking hate him. Lately it’s been building up and I just wanna scream in his face and hurt him but I know it’s not the right thing to do so I just suffer in silence. 

 I do really love him, just hate the baggage he has caused me. BPD wasn’t even a prevalent problem until I got with him. I don’t know what’s worth the emotional toll these days and what isn’t. 

Sorta off topic but out of curiosity who else gets crazy angry when they are horny but can’t cum, is that a bdp or personal thing? No girls I know seem to have a problem with it except me",1.8644088717454184,4.381789436065573,3.306562198649953,87.33378736740603,82.50819672131148,6.342333654773384,23.068948891031823,7.618777277803332,1.2018987463837996,1218,43,241,21,34,398,171,305,0.23800000000000002,0.653,0.109,-0.9937,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,2,1,16,22,9,1,14,0,24,8,5,4,1,61,47,28,0,5,16,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,17,20,0,1,12,1,1,3,7,17,0,1,6,7,39,5,30,38,4,36,3,3,2,3,28,15,3,6,17,166,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318541805407102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390066330873272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974625771646091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699784592030332,0.13029199860354254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989795744928435,0.0,0.1005392201062203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054241331278134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750000084489492,0.13128812008710866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770888364297807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360574627524851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797144149850995,0.0,0.10790068845117393,0.060978516899714875,0.0,0.06633154859002423,0.0,0.09334725975942204,0.1286781648811647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609256805251386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494530230814445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242973536980787,0.0,0.1316590567029497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067881334323446,0.0,0.07790784509900127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579859790604129,0.0,0.09001742922825315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435544391114362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908877599333591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019106126530336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233600565267641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747703069870541,0.12000196024653005,0.11524150306795908,0.2506154199517785,0.13221479341681355,0.19934711627101195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106252511010985,0.0,0.0,0.11980577246627415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308672795339338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757856071191168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507987529086745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805717231897786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630169824917402,0.0688412449453592,0.0926425494332673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496955701963499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LocoPollo123,2019/07/13,"I don't like anything about me when it comes down to it. I don't know how to progress from the person I am. I hurt the people I love time and time again with my bitterness, insecurity, and negativity and promise change but yield no results. 

I don't know why people are still around me. I really don't. I just hurt them and put them down and honestly half the time it feels like I never really have control over my actions when I do this. It's like my natural, evil, horrible self is just running on auto pilot and the manual controls is me not being a constant insecure asshole.

I can't make any friends because I have so much trouble talking to people that I don't know. Not like it matters anyways, as I'd probably just get to know them well and then eventually go back to my auto pilot ways of treating them badly until they can't deal with my bullshit anymore. 

I don't know how to change this. I really don't. I don't know how many heart to heart talks my SO has to give to me that are filled with my constant promises to be better and not so insecure and self deprecating it will take until she realizes the world of men that are out there that are better than me. 

None of my goals are tenable or cohesive. I eventually give up on everything I dedicate myself completely to, and get frustrated when I don't get instant results when I try. I try to be open to criticism and it ends up cutting deep into me and hurting me on a personal level. This is so childish and I hate.

I hate that my insecurity makes my SO feel bad for being successful. I hate that my seemingly uncontrollable fear of being insignificant and inferior compared to them overrides anything else sometimes and puts me into a depressive state. I'm such an egotistical ass that any work or success they put in makes me feel proud, yes, but also insecure and that's awful. It really is and I hate hate *hate* it. I'm so scared of the thought of them not being open to talking to me about their hard work and subsequent success because they fear me breaking down or getting sad or feeling overly insecure.

 I don't know where. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't afford counseling and I just hope this vent helps.",3.7745760649087217,5.365480291954025,5.2686713995943215,80.07655679513185,72.51724137931033,8.519945909398245,29.345841784989858,9.088552180705676,2.5385212981744427,1737,72,335,37,34,585,190,435,0.27899999999999997,0.59,0.13,-0.998,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,10,12,29,47,10,10,10,2,36,4,3,10,1,72,72,43,0,1,14,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,5,22,29,0,3,15,0,0,8,22,29,1,1,1,6,63,18,49,64,2,49,0,6,0,2,25,21,1,6,21,242,85,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826949646639185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991003467432934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452346910424346,0.0,0.0,0.11992210171891325,0.06486461065484048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602809336461602,0.12167717296816224,0.08883471365649329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888497608240468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541613826445476,0.06276608021599772,0.07639675631216276,0.15748068903441173,0.16344685399217776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751198191720512,0.06275785244111705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060868712405218864,0.0,0.06453607838266351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654856694316518,0.0,0.0,0.16398502696532974,0.14736937114743634,0.052054218738348736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056294721476705535,0.0,0.15227420619083473,0.139796013100078,0.041410419687502885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527203591410531,0.4316300376145091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268892100726674,0.04883935583134358,0.0,0.0,0.07237061880305101,0.0,0.0,0.23400798789764676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203541912871821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239112431486026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576281019557333,0.0,0.14591231311839767,0.07387289026803794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053563591132904965,0.0,0.05619738424277743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154464281539293,0.1272444660279602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855996117124851,0.0,0.0,0.2197460218419057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671475991820854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294980306957954,0.0,0.0,0.06633285619503285,0.15202656091600658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720645842048835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581894662637398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478483107119023,0.17569651823004942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784605768113575,0.1274631511722655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894005517945607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783623229819774,0.0,0.0,0.06551369123162921,0.0,0.06574863208058802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060920509663321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blowthosedreamsaway,2019/07/13,"ive come so far, feeling upset with set backs. losing my mind a bit i feel like all the progress i have made is worth nothing. i know this is not true and all the negativity i hear in my head is just the bullshit of my mother and other people who want to fill me with their crap. telling me i wont ever get better. i have been trying my whole life to please people who just can not and will not be pleased and i know i need to please myself, but its like im right there but yet still to afraid to make this step.half way between the mental barrier but also my physical chronic pain which keeps me stuck dependant on everyone else really sucks. i am angry that bpd have come to define my life for the last  14 years. i dont identify with so many things anymore even though they are certainly still behvaiors or thoughts i may have had or might be somewhere inside me but sometimes i have all these new things that im not sure what is bpd, what is me, and what may have become some new problem that im just to afraid to tell another new therapist or medication person about. what new diagnosis will i get now, how many more pills will they want me to take for this percieved issue? paranoid? its all that marijuana! i sure enough know my mother never smokes and spends lots of time trying to fill my head with many a paranoid delusional thought. many of my own which have factual basis. like trauma stuff, i mean, when u tell a person no and then tell them u have ptsd and then they disrespect your boundries on the first time you have a sexual encounter...the reasoning on why you cant have future encounters with them is pretty obvious..but stopping seeing them is hard when you are so alone and you are pretty much trauma bonded at this point you dont want to talk to them because its ammunition, but you want to talk to SOMEONE but everyone new you talk to just takes more away each time. is it my fault, or is it their fault? why am i being told my facts are incorrect when i know something about myself is that im not a liar? why do people deny conversations you know happened but then you cant prove it and make you feel and look crazy..

i feel so sensative, like i have no physical or emotional skin.  
sometimes i feel like i am going insane.i over analyze every thing trying to figure out where and what went wrong, what caused what. i keep avoiding dr appointments and important phone calls because i am often to frightened to either stand up for myself, say how i am really feeling, and the constant not being belived by drs and being spoken to in rude ways in dr offices, i cant even communicate anymore. sometimes i can type, like this, sometimes i delete it all and it goes no where, to no one, all day. i am often afraid, anxious and feel trapped in situations i dont know how to fix it feels to ""hard"". i get confused and literaly stuck i dont know how to explain this except when i just get emotional from not being able to explain my feelings or talking in a circle about trying to explain something because its not coming out ""right"" does this happen to other people? what is this? is this part of bpd or just anxiety? 

does everyone else feel like if they do not tell the truth all the time to people including drs, friends, parents, partners then something bad will happen like punishment or they will be found out eventualy anyway? i cant stand it. its overwhelming. even when i have done NOTHING WRONG. i just remember always being questioned. until the right answer was given, how much of my reality is true and how much is false i dont know, i often dont ever spend any time with people. i dont like them. or they hurt me. or my mother doesnt like them. or they go away.

i keept waiting for this intense anxiety to go away...i am still struggling with trying to let my body get use to no more benzos and no more tramadol for pain and anxiety relief (i was not abusing, i was perscribed, but i was still dependant-lots of other crappy factors and mistakes i did make making the situation worse) so its been making it very hard to deal with stressors without the help of a medication like that because nothing is the same..

i often feel like i want to cry and i am upset but i do not cry and can not cry and my emotion is never appropriate. i do not know why i am suddenly not in touch with myself at all i use to know myself so well. i spent so long shutting it all off and letting other people try to dictate who i was and not being who i knew i really was. when i was in the hospital they didnt kno what to do they just said i was bipolar and gave me all these antipsychotics and didnt want to talk to me when i talked excessesivly. i am not bipolar :(

im sorry, im like losing my shit, i dont generaly talk/type things out like i use to...

maybe i should start blogging again im sorry if this was like, an annoying post or something. i dont usualy use reddit and i have poor grammer/spelling, train of thought, etc.",3.653928112965339,5.146581577235776,4.605205391527601,85.10622593068037,72.65853658536584,7.455370132648696,26.057124518613605,8.032893268588372,1.5158975609756091,3888,129,775,56,76,1263,357,984,0.19,0.708,0.102,-0.9985,1,3,5,0,0,0,98.0,0,11,17,5,55,55,7,9,22,0,103,20,6,19,23,201,182,80,0,12,50,4,16,15,2,10,14,3,0,3,58,47,0,6,36,1,5,9,43,30,1,2,30,21,123,25,90,131,28,88,0,4,2,0,65,29,3,26,59,558,181,1,0.03533747657763805,0.041869131317569176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03659896850910443,0.0,0.028259367252058507,0.0294036113388217,0.0,0.0,0.024030695846499403,0.03705442532299594,0.081099218576899,0.039921290119923125,0.0700905626036079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960216744986096,0.02717233823595024,0.02950531689494504,0.08616559092451517,0.039027466555468265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031253126363346644,0.03857937209658873,0.039251970213910164,0.13351894410757026,0.0,0.03608351455250584,0.0,0.0,0.036301322601153665,0.0,0.09132032123286388,0.0,0.03818725831188082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164496761014068,0.02278974899607893,0.036431386688155314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184812777628685,0.036162507448738106,0.3727373343227921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590398545493222,0.1192497145665824,0.0,0.036513059607618775,0.03941062742414042,0.07002021001155277,0.06392954134637617,0.029773348109527538,0.10129941967266884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654458923025667,0.10098040131130524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03005803952478065,0.0,0.038745719113164115,0.02730164674548244,0.0,0.0923118650562826,0.0,0.06024930687461703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374644150139026,0.0,0.09496631407739048,0.0,0.07253289166179222,0.0,0.039827904352567584,0.0,0.02368596566795364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03782949954343608,0.0,0.2671937705169249,0.036883144582409634,0.0,0.06281914568235286,0.0,0.0,0.19420552972218905,0.028804759840945868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226992797584593,0.04991980952024836,0.25896159136418906,0.0,0.0,0.03127255476567182,0.029674580354318573,0.07906719462786843,0.0,0.06008531781237389,0.0,0.03343717476219968,0.11794020007788025,0.14330661925383692,0.035501244901914066,0.038492871529289686,0.0,0.07119757992176337,0.03561186492706614,0.03748747831375613,0.0356807777612058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793133380019382,0.02620229112277874,0.05450888084600712,0.1706457754021854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172178549977208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023945588670089564,0.0,0.07520313311191093,0.0,0.03923808583106109,0.03826704352162828,0.0,0.1714898979897993,0.06171064303516316,0.0,0.11636981291157407,0.03340533744770593,0.0,0.033843534380630334,0.07190183546321728,0.0,0.033813192654343995,0.04130761908499421,0.0,0.039586061128391685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791427709031116,0.03633281137022495,0.0,0.0,0.04003047233309882,0.09053403574983362,0.03361403242604557,0.02810177971699216,0.0,0.0,0.028159393673861843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03627341189376192,0.0,0.07944160851098811,0.0,0.0,0.02994132922978687,0.10881806360947584,0.1397986716488818,0.07911482381369317,0.025012047802645997,0.0,0.11288221776872452,0.029543712726363105,0.0,0.03694240310769375,0.04045295626419687,0.0,0.0,0.06661030694513327,0.0,0.053138769166323534,0.19882047579298304,0.15443256045592132,0.0,0.0,0.041029533942407055,0.09390659693701163,0.0,0.034718891319360984,0.08416202750462166,0.10302783384439826,0.0,0.0,0.033766473224222944,0.0,0.14395096189999645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208093541669855,0.0,0.02915711901648485,0.12505775548763226,0.056098488166370926,0.0,0.0,0.031772635303625715,0.032758194818498725,0.1275463048737661,0.039453030624891,0.0,0.03406406640005071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03601190759769677,0.0,0.07727196653527701,0.0,0.022756176331319284
bpd,wifiemouse,2019/07/13,"DAE Avoid Music, Like Completely? So many people love music, like really love music. So many people enjoy listening to music as just an everyday, casual thing. I don't know if I've ever met anyone who, like me, avoids music. I never listen to music. I have in the past, of course, but it's 0% of my life normally. Basically any song that I can relate to even a bit can launch me into tears within a minute or two. Sometimes I can distract myself and avoid crying, sometimes not. The feelings aren't connected to specific memories or anything - they're just sort of released when music is playing. I'm wondering if anyone else has a similar experience with music.",4.52664,6.433510184000004,6.371400000000001,71.64670000000002,71.16,9.16,26.9,9.642632912329526,2.8976399999999987,523,18,84,13,10,181,88,125,0.11699999999999999,0.754,0.129,-0.1292,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,4,6,0,8,3,0,1,2,22,17,10,0,3,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,0,3,3,3,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,4,9,8,12,16,1,8,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,6,8,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945135188261086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456439731564972,0.17997919759081735,0.14454901159967526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176965083144304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841708151551308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929486537476679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673712500706848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160184013315162,0.15888990872006564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182419258224596,0.0,0.0,0.08881639261692499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653533637384602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407024688352365,0.2574483266878079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170708010461082,0.0,0.0,0.35617298627020505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547588360018706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210450177454434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676824727899218,0.2435539739903905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252902346770302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34745436475333585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166973069202189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715893085013562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049024040365767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisthatyan,2019/07/13,"This morning i was diagnosed with depression, ADD, and BPD. I have struggled with mental health issues for about 15+ years now (27m), and have finally gotten a concrete diagnosis. After endless doctors saying ""it could be this or it could be that"" I finally know what the issue is. The psychiatrist prescribed me epival (on top of my current cocktail). Not really sure how to process any of this. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this disorder, or experience with that drug? I've been very spaced out all day grappling with the reality of this situation, as well as a little frightened as i connect the dots reading the symptoms. Any advice is appreciated, im in uncharted waters at this point.",7.225058139534884,8.071581457364347,7.98712209302326,66.51928779069769,63.88372093023256,10.79108527131783,37.05523255813954,10.686352973137794,4.3543558139534895,564,27,90,14,8,189,90,129,0.106,0.84,0.054000000000000006,-0.7789,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,7,0,11,6,0,2,2,18,13,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,11,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,1,6,2,20,6,1,16,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,2,7,65,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974675390591922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105155387914579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642585101719007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169790695691147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430479305319821,0.0,0.0,0.09816016472768092,0.0,0.1310946530767618,0.15448570732876954,0.0,0.0,0.1744410606583864,0.15578911025214104,0.13319634217260398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651043354757665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888650176047208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334680805929557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178767331713734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440840843877486,0.3177266716282935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364834027718565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255022143043204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533876712772123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388370083473762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224701293557874,0.0,0.09750694822912563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210401802422466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108572321292806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159118574544701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345218772309956,0.15820012957835758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558574498276315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685131485094607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980155603134892
bpd,caffeinencats,2019/08/16,"I was diagnosed today. And all of a sudden, I feel so alone. Even though I know there’s a huge community of people who deal with this, I just feel so lonely ...",1.34,3.0688969393939445,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727274,79.60606060606061,6.824242424242425,17.060606060606062,7.793537801064563,0.2475333333333336,121,2,27,2,3,42,26,33,0.182,0.746,0.07200000000000001,-0.551,0,3,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840913416261964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823326383331104,0.0,0.3764074761067969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449445753969368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750283287506494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038108326568437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25710242539390604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643606934799314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35152480267709485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,katieh282,2019/08/16,"How do you guys deal with being broken up with? Was dumped about a month ago and it’s killing me. I know i’m being dramatic, we only dated 3 months. But I feel like my life is falling apart. I can’t really talk to any of my friends because at this point i’m embarrassed about how much this is affecting me. 
This was my first relationship (at 19 years old) and first time being dumped. I have no idea how to cope.",1.5253488372093038,3.393776593023261,3.009476744186045,92.6330523255814,79.58139534883722,6.625581395348838,20.05232558139535,7.645422480735847,0.478213953488372,321,8,73,5,8,105,62,86,0.209,0.73,0.061,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,2,5,6,3,1,1,0,10,1,0,4,0,13,14,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,2,1,11,2,10,9,1,15,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,10,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779940166392934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174228039172302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602356067532412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004667568536716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282586374663488,0.159410660304297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796041105700382,0.0,0.0,0.17239676129529388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094285003232925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518969507557388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468704194364515,0.0,0.12263144660049592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760978753402158,0.10901452225514258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35621509686704206,0.0,0.16403295713043356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23414701210132466,0.0,0.0,0.16970738601868016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109386309056186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294865953483382,0.0,0.0,0.2395679500625096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935080423868702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011423848257742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436943029684909
bpd,giuseppecondom,2019/08/16,"I cope with intense feelings through my eating disorder I first started showing signs of BPD my freshman year of high school and that is about the time I started my binge and starve cycles. It seems when my emotions are so intense I can’t even describe the pain I starve to drop weight. If I can’t control my feelings and what’s happening in my life I can at the very least control what I eat. Last night I was triggered to the point of feeling suicidal but I always talk myself out of it. I know with BPD things seem to always feel intense in those moments. I know I don’t really want to die but people without BPD will never know how much everyday living is horrible emotional turmoil. I’m only 20 but god I hope this gets better with age. I’m tired of cutting myself, binge drinking, and fluctuating in weight.",4.371041666666667,5.867044687500003,4.949999999999998,83.32166666666669,70.875,7.333333333333335,30.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.1186458333333333,650,28,121,8,12,208,100,160,0.185,0.703,0.11199999999999999,-0.9372,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,4,5,5,1,1,4,0,9,8,0,4,1,30,26,11,2,3,5,0,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,8,5,2,9,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,6,22,2,20,24,2,20,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,4,12,79,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952675350778614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037750240629487,0.0,0.0,0.4433454585161983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632068022452326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177726075538207,0.0,0.1344783453809048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494557034494457,0.0,0.2401300487513143,0.0,0.2639766201259211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749996906297255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731641191738026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980677576715742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061303729464622994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037607044440853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397296226411407,0.0,0.1165420972408033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934560077520491,0.09564529995716962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287857947320662,0.0,0.0,0.10361070359375747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625618171603185,0.0,0.09049751304357292,0.0,0.0,0.11011280767954326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892400611624659,0.12485482024368585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134668825285653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092137334242007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516907436531321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875128870202188,0.0,0.21363836056120145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661034376149539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834761222721286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431102037029863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795347610596991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842013699400676,0.13486159824663982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681529752782043,0.0692083912614457,0.0,0.0,0.2857696632382028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310866213029352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556116847026646
bpd,bereniceeva,2019/08/16,"I can't do this anymore I thought I had done amazing progress. I haven't cut myself since May (last time was when I was in a relationship with my triggering ex).

Got a full time job in a bank for the summer. Started seeing my friends more. Got my exam results back and didn't fail one module...

But....
My eating disorder is out of control. I can't stop binging or starving.

My body dismorphia is getting terrible. No idea what I look like but looking for validation because external approval is better than nothingness.

Anxiety is giving me panic attacks.

Breaking off one relationship after the other because I need the thrill.

Took an overdose last week and wrote a note in case I wouldn't wake up...

I did. And I just feel like I am living in hell.
At the same time this little stability makes me feel euphoric most of the time.

Please help (any advice is welcome)",2.380105263157894,5.095560012121215,3.6732057416268,84.19507177033495,82.21212121212122,6.140350877192982,27.47208931419457,7.475848149327749,1.866151515151516,682,31,123,11,19,222,112,165,0.129,0.644,0.228,0.9487,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,5,3,13,3,1,10,0,18,3,2,4,0,24,33,7,0,2,4,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,2,4,0,1,1,7,6,0,2,11,5,20,7,15,20,4,25,1,1,3,0,8,10,1,3,15,84,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772882968265995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584674211576864,0.0,0.10782176177755463,0.0,0.13977855908812062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603441288340796,0.0,0.10837722354023914,0.0,0.17183628858167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465349992333152,0.0,0.1565569923842435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808066247035746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615340161757998,0.0,0.0,0.14423463006809564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442208820662596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253102613979732,0.10069041014309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889297220792962,0.0,0.07363741425377016,0.13520631215473086,0.0,0.0,0.2254515585435956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447178132671552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910860187752066,0.0,0.0,0.1398651558447281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297763165758652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771622219580548,0.1412628990167778,0.12445611985256125,0.0,0.2367148973780839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940812035918922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450817804566856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910145820772542,0.0,0.0,0.16536739683667903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471416945840208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026421834385083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231410695867176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659031982153532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976087712319452,0.0,0.0,0.117835481457295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189377949079496,0.32874228143231377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565939519326496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305676214314825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kitkat9191,2019/08/16,"I (26/f) started dating a guy (33/m) with BPD, but I'm just noticing it now and need help navigating it. I've been dating a guy with BPD for a few months, and I am not too familiar with the disorder. What kinds of things can I do to help diffuse the angry/retaliatory rages? How can I help reassure my S/O that I'm not going anywhere and that I do care about him (but also without having him feel engulfed)? Any reading material or advice would be helpful!",4.090886524822693,4.391363265957445,6.211489361702127,78.43333333333334,70.59574468085106,8.819858156028369,30.56028368794326,8.841846274778883,2.371807092198581,353,14,73,6,6,125,67,94,0.076,0.7020000000000001,0.222,0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,0,17,16,8,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,8,3,8,13,1,6,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,5,50,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025795791900032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475173261602452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254431482993476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646567266423429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880752950913033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141392079925853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327150957158747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483623092568434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653005165170536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945744597456075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920928648485456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472389340248646,0.0,0.0,0.13677913915157064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001566768571286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451583482239453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130565924591599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255095775319187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781856007814506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103929394594854,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dutch-moroccan,2019/08/16,Need advice about expwBPD Someone her want to hear my (non BPD) story about my relation with ex gf with BPD? Need Some advice...,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.2633333333333354,85.915,85.25,6.533333333333335,20.5,7.793537801064563,1.2438499999999997,99,3,18,2,3,32,18,24,0.0,0.9470000000000001,0.053,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.509742646369548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6569899943016982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939642928035824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867910252849987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209928394604601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383902002514466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gettingridofpeople,2019/08/16,"Handling relationships. I just watched Love, Simon for the first time and one situation made me think about my life choices. For those who haven't seen it yet, SPOILERS ahead!!!

Long story short, Simon was blackmailed which led to him messing with his friends' relationships or he would get outed. After Simon was outed he avoided his friends for weeks because he had to process what happened. They realized he lied to them and treated them like 'meat' so they basically told him to fuck off, even though he needed them. 

So this is when my personality disorders would kick in. I would never forgive them for abandoning me even if they were right. I would hate them with my rotten soul till the day I died. In that moment everything that happened before wouldn't matter and I would only want to make them feel the pain that I felt.

That's fucked up. I'm fucked up. That's not how healthy, mature people handle relationships. In that situation I should apologize and try to sort things out just like Simon, but deep down I know that I wouldn't be able to mentally. All that anger, it hurts so badly to swallow that pride and 'hurt feelings'.

How about you guys? Is it just me?",4.3560346070656095,6.6283419406392685,4.261427541456381,85.03989906272531,72.51598173515981,6.984955539533766,25.6815669310262,7.85451343220497,1.4386840182648406,931,31,174,13,19,285,134,219,0.19899999999999998,0.736,0.065,-0.9855,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,9,3,15,21,5,1,3,0,16,7,0,5,2,45,36,16,1,11,7,0,3,2,2,8,2,0,0,2,18,10,1,2,7,0,0,1,5,13,0,2,8,6,29,8,29,19,1,26,1,3,2,4,31,13,3,3,14,121,47,0,0.11593248089532784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679877904463667,0.07067136430740778,0.0,0.098650002411235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476685932263682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203196117911228,0.0,0.13286866702516045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531446204921926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419263845919907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723789144394685,0.0,0.11131336230029734,0.0,0.0,0.09861210902543056,0.0,0.0,0.17913829431355452,0.3215331314298645,0.060569936331118075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479138296505627,0.20503741996568128,0.0,0.0,0.1144593233084825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24821623714210064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371345960376887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818865397871517,0.11327750837930832,0.0,0.0,0.1025965974099464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463359031428733,0.10969811655327752,0.07738583122809899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683267313197733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596246560875412,0.08941427627721978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855884941086219,0.08817187583856377,0.12336033352028546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037298499214775,0.1012277705935538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734042938853426,0.0,0.09900570524029624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606259318137715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770203889023209,0.07428485260931812,0.1139030738583036,0.0,0.06760116191438062,0.0,0.0,0.11077845367280832,0.0,0.07871054452001687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837998093907081,0.0,0.09299404323478463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41177554081333295,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,evrythngmkssnsnw,2019/08/16,"Does my(28f) ex best friend(32M) have BPD? I just recently learned about Borderline Personality Disorder (I know I live under a rock) and my mind has just been spinning ever since. My best friend of 8 years cut me off, cold turkey, a few months ago after a very long hard friendship, and I am starting to wonder if he has BPD. And I am starting to realize maybe I wasn't crazy.

​

I will try to keep this short but please bear with me.. I can't seem to find all of the information I need.

​

**Backstory:**

​

I met Matt in 2011, we dated for a couple years. It was really great at first, we moved in after two months. I was young and ""in love"" so yeah I get that is kind of crazy to go along with. My family was never too fond of him, they complained about how it seemed he was keeping me from family events, etc. I would explain ""No, its me choosing not to go"" although the only reason I didn't go is because he would say things like ""Okay.. we go ahead but I thought we could go get dinner/see a movie/have a night in.. but thats fine.. go ahead"" kind of deal therefor I would stay behind with him.

​

Something to know about me is I come with my own set of insecurities. I've always had low self esteem, I worry about those I love and I have a very guilty conscience.

​

Well we broke up because things got bad. I found that he was talking to other women online, which he made excuses for and made me believe that it was only platonic but we just could not stop fighting. I can't think of any examples from the actual relationship as it was so long ago and my memory is crap.

​

We still got along well as friends and because he didn't have many friends and wasn't close with his family, I felt like I was his only ""person"" and I felt a lot of pressure to constantly be there for him whenever he needed me.

​

**Some examples:**

​

* I always had to BEG for an apology. He never willingly admitted his fault. Or it seemed like he just never understood that it was his fault. I was always the one left apologizing for things that I didn't even do.

​

* One time he was on anti depressants and they made him feel ""woozy"" so I rushed over to his house thinking something was seriously wrong but when I got there he just felt a little nauseous but he asked that I would stay the night in case he needed to go to the hospital.

​

* I found God a couple years ago, which has been nothing but amazing for me, but he would tell me things like ""Its like you're in a cult, I hate your personality now"" while in the same breath telling me I'm his best friend and I better never leave.

​

* When he started dating other people, I was forced to be okay with it and the changes to our friendship that would come with it. But when I told him that I went on a date with someone he cursed at me and told me that now I am going to change our friendship and I'm going to allow someone to control me by not letting me be friends with him, an ex.

​

* He eventually got over it but it was a few months before he would allow me to talk openly about the guy I was dating. And I know what you're thinking, WHY DID YOU ALLOW THIS TO GO ON!? Honest to goodness answer, I thought he would go crazy or hurt himself or fall into a deep depression if I ever cut him off. Thats not the only reason of course. When our friendship was good, it was great. We could get along better than I had gotten with anyone else.

​

* He was having some issues in his relationship with Jess so he asked if I could fly out to ""be with him"" because he felt like he was going crazy. So I did. I flew out and we went on a road trip around the state. I was his only friend at this point. He would call me constantly and we would text all day. By this point in our friendship it was STRICTLY platonic. There were no feelings on either side.

​

* Then I got into an actual relationship and he would ask me all of the time ""Have you told Jim about our friendship yet? Have you told him that we take road trips together and that you're NOT going to change our friendship for him?"" and when I would reply with ""Its still kind of early in the relationship to get into that"" he would tell me that I'm just lying to Jim and that I'm just afraid of Jim, that he will break up with me over it if I don't tell him straight away. (even though he was lying to his SERIOUS live-in GF about our past)

​

* Then another thing came up where it was like ""The world is going to END if you don't fly out here next week. If you care about my friendship AT ALL you will be here, I NEED YOU!"" and so I did. I RISKED my relationship with Jim in order to be there for Matt because again, I felt so.. obligated. People like to make their comments ""Oh its just because you still had romantic feelings for him"" NO. No. no.

​

* One day he texted me and pretty much said ""Are you going to keep going on roadtrips with me? Are you going to still call me every day? Are you going to tell Jim that we are going to maintain our friendship and that he can't control it?"" I would beat around the bush and avoid the questions because at this point Jim knew about my friendship with Matt and wasn't real comfortable with it as it was my ex and we talked all day every day. And I wasn't willing to risk my relationship with Jim for Matt, who I knew was manipulating and controlling.

​

* When I kept ignoring his questions, Matt told me that he found Jim's cell number and that if I didn't maintain our friendship the EXACT way it was, he was going to reach out to him and tell him ""everything"" and demand that he be okay with our friendship. Holy crap typing this out makes me realize how manipulated I was... for so long... anyway.. in the same conversation he called me a whore and so on. Which wasn't anything new, he called me every name under the sun over the course of 8 years. After that he just CHILLED out. It was weird. He all of a sudden was okay with our friendship changing. He dealt with it.

​

* Then one day, a couple weeks later, he came into town (for a 24 hour trip to get some stuff out of his storage) and asked if I could meet up (last minute) to meet his new GF. When I declined, due to being busy, he blocked me on all forms of everything. And I haven't heard from him since. Except on my birthday... but he blocked me before I could respond ""Thank you""

​

Its been about 4 months now and I am married and so happy and I feel ""free"" I guess. My family is relieved. But my husband had been talking about BPD relating to a friend of his and was explaining all of the symptoms and all of a sudden it clicked. I always felt like the crazy one. I thought there was something wrong with me. I felt at fault all of the time. There are so many defense mechanisms I developed because of that friendship that I am working on with my husband.

​

Anyways.. I could be totally off base. Someone told me ""Maybe he was a sociopath"" but he was way too emotional. He cried a lot. One time I came home to his sobbing on the bathroom floor. He had a heart and he showed compassion. Like I said, it wasn't ALL bad. There was a ton of good. He was my best friend. I miss him. I could be my complete self around him. But when it was bad... dang it was bad.",2.5968601546479846,4.47084374299385,3.4421509206254304,90.74159104259228,76.36842105263158,6.267021958304854,23.117999188311693,7.105003140325477,0.6831797718728647,5688,171,1203,62,128,1807,440,1463,0.109,0.725,0.16699999999999998,0.9985,1,1,3,0,2,0,286.0,24,13,3,14,74,85,7,6,52,5,132,8,4,18,19,270,246,97,0,34,41,5,12,10,10,19,1,4,1,7,74,103,0,13,44,2,1,34,30,35,2,8,104,18,195,51,186,104,31,203,0,7,1,3,198,75,4,23,96,824,269,3,0.0,0.0,0.03727439652623474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078850573586391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356530451266848,0.4138602773501047,0.4641308077128827,0.012987507567797155,0.02002624611358843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01335398432111925,0.019568478329604226,0.0157162840979255,0.05100464223061669,0.0714173772922691,0.0,0.017943493491089892,0.0,0.06378517358150883,0.09313723342546258,0.0,0.032502514957938045,0.02151725840481154,0.08017000376599283,0.03378181120963366,0.0,0.0,0.07216096895895589,0.0,0.07800605048091527,0.06553014575551401,0.019472002667575653,0.0,0.08081393010438205,0.032903010679380916,0.020024217540419782,0.04127698252992736,0.06426114507918318,0.12198758939048845,0.06339575935155498,0.020978599750020158,0.07390099049451095,0.01968952182409177,0.03289869754458207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02188832099275619,0.0,0.01671306217430283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015954189646835874,0.021483031262516817,0.016915436402295234,0.0,0.02129966710877493,0.02522851087993664,0.034551034532893515,0.04827345654422362,0.0,0.034328664037026585,0.0,0.07201675815517328,0.0,0.03862672303249765,0.0,0.1283616266764645,0.0,0.017455511843267976,0.016245015054697297,0.0,0.06282094244165617,0.13279778138207224,0.0,0.04989040074720042,0.0,0.21708022494421667,0.048056275822529436,0.0763733267850658,0.04211191442319684,0.021038944638714314,0.01891033223856881,0.0,0.020330509036442658,0.017108336918252802,0.018855629888386776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022631592543932075,0.0,0.0,0.019157164852891786,0.0,0.01880799098031266,0.022036888705853123,0.02044513878186033,0.0,0.0,0.01993367659630137,0.0,0.05092637361587002,0.0,0.05966386135303885,0.03148779964283563,0.015567673895608819,0.0,0.02022235560606137,0.020750372665805254,0.019529318720231368,0.0,0.09330470908526582,0.01914152666569906,0.03372832008189632,0.05070421734075737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03247340504771023,0.03447394577970706,0.054213855858828736,0.025496544100817004,0.03872538302601329,0.03837364425691354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019283851543818432,0.0,0.06097636406124096,0.02029848398645663,0.014039457339115198,0.05664462759205295,0.058919184614689125,0.036890538894175935,0.020311272257661016,0.03584494549031988,0.0,0.01832534615209069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764906585843598,0.07262563718361338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018231500523210733,0.026480730695085133,0.05002773006776425,0.0,0.020964212265654786,0.054162235959983485,0.0,0.0,0.019429850017286792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427889622313339,0.0,0.0,0.02173806104343332,0.01223486817729662,0.039272492618966884,0.018857279786668898,0.12302664319027365,0.0,0.0,0.03633373775824645,0.015187744835785534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052159159890218514,0.039847410736460025,0.0,0.0,0.03159664329926061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854581520806142,0.044108442604055116,0.0,0.0,0.040553652153642025,0.04071252052498756,0.061007748876926476,0.015967044611001558,0.0,0.0,0.021862998848514725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019850459543397876,0.014359554361210619,0.06140200137568275,0.10015660272747746,0.01758316042572495,0.0,0.0,0.06344035177840983,0.03671228293058222,0.01876399529318718,0.04548578102438317,0.044545518957755534,0.0,0.0,0.10949553754215538,0.0,0.012966500699841545,0.0,0.018656276447205796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03151621628442541,0.0,0.030318703389059582,0.03063902896462064,0.0,0.03434335352505483,0.03540865448343655,0.017233256689421942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02071130547995209,0.013903799129760428,0.01939526363498253,0.0,0.1899365077187652,0.04176201374134035,0.4641308077128827,0.04919474895025787
bpd,gothvoc,2019/08/16,"Does anyone always fight with their partner? I don't know if I am still with my partner because we're in a complicated situation due to my BPD, but we used to fight a lot and I always was the one who started it, I guess I loved the attention it brought me, I needed to see if he still cares about me.. I was wondering if anyone had this behaviour too?",3.5486301369863007,4.242247698630141,5.2985205479452055,83.07901369863015,72.01369863013699,8.579726027397259,28.298630136986297,8.841846274778883,2.0252980821917803,274,10,59,5,5,94,50,73,0.071,0.7959999999999999,0.133,0.7587,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,15,15,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,1,13,2,7,11,1,6,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,6,4,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776073846969465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173154369945254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383195888123558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857797449378304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231345450430425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985666786716388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499621742620752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247014207320488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290708423848804,0.20479122385805806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824767729937268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153757152625724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081443937805802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550514771832362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060499929480165,0.0,0.3624143182555359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959736433938989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460695171966205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itstrill,2019/08/16,"The mirror effect Does anyone else have a hard time holding conversations and not coming off as ""a little off""? I find myself mirroring who I'm talking to in terms of their personality. People avoid me in the Halls of the office because they find that I'm so difficult to talk to. I'm struggling to connect with people and it's really ruining my self esteem. Any tips and tricks for having small talk and seeming genuine?",5.1952916666666695,6.8960186125000025,6.2775,73.80416666666669,69.125,8.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.4620833333333336,339,12,56,6,6,113,60,80,0.16899999999999998,0.831,0.0,-0.8955,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,1,5,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,13,7,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,6,0,13,7,1,10,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,1,2,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502816358546786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491205154284692,0.21851617498505774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000494758726966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370973762108156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663047566100516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815634092195118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898424411086478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104440727394384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374851533730072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957035230248505,0.18621560711842206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662363268709687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414931704051944,0.2224829041514408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229518826823057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142452922646138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243570942438474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vodkarebharris,2019/08/16,"i need help ya’ll I’m pretty positive my mom is a narcissist. I don’t know too much about narcissistic people to feel confident enough to say she 100% is, but she shows a lot of signs. 
she mocks me. invalidates my feelings. neglects me. i can sing pretty well, and she loves showing it off to people and she somehow manages to cry when i’m singing in front of her friends? but at home when i’m singing it goes unrecognized like she doesn’t care at all. she pushes me till i fall apart. i could ask her to leave me alone and please drop a conversation and she won’t she’ll just keep going and going and fights about the most irrelevant topics ever. 

one of our biggest fights has always been over getting me therapy. every time i bring it up she is just dumped in this negative ass energy. she doesn’t take it seriously or make it a priority because “Hannah, everybody is depressed. Suck it up.” When i try talking to her about how i think i have BPD she shuts down that idea immediately by simply saying i don’t have BPD. That it’s “rare”. That i’m just sad and anxious. It really fucking sucks because she is the only thing standing between me and help. 

we tried looking for a therapist yesterday, and i realized how difficult it was for her to do because our insurance is such a bitch. but when she got frustrated, she took it out on me. she says “this is what i have to go through! stop giving me such a hard time.” I don’t give her a hard time... i ask her to get me a therapist. she’s the one who’s constantly giving me a hard time by shutting my feelings down and making me feel small. 

she then barges into my room an hour later and just starts arguing with me over ranting about my problems on social media and how i’m not using my accounts responsibly. She said by doing that i’m just being an attention seeker. She just kept throwing these shots at me to get a reaction and instead of getting angry for the first time ever, i was able to control myself from yelling at her. I know when i do shit gets worse so i asked her multiple time to get out of my room and she did after the 11th time asking. 

But now i don’t know what to do. I’m in desperate need of help. I can’t do it by myself i just can’t. I’m too stubborn. My best friend left my life because we became so toxic for each other we’re working on bettering ourselves, but i can’t do that if i don’t get a therapist. 

Wtf do i do. I need to talk to a professional but obviously that isn’t going to happen. I have no idea where to start so i can start getting better now. I feel trapped and lost and really frustrated. 

How do i do this...",2.2176488166387784,4.024391368913862,4.0219627061917285,86.46354649772894,77.25842696629212,7.241310064546976,24.470316359869308,8.128838120801504,1.4023357717746439,2037,70,429,36,47,687,242,534,0.213,0.68,0.107,-0.9967,0,2,0,0,3,0,50.0,4,0,0,7,36,29,13,0,20,0,43,5,2,8,4,78,103,38,0,6,16,1,8,1,2,2,1,5,3,0,26,23,0,6,13,5,1,10,15,20,1,3,9,14,86,9,61,90,7,69,0,4,1,3,59,29,6,5,29,304,112,3,0.07221577815772193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479376703223542,0.0,0.0,0.060089312512595736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158327391420997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700480166559946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608827232931176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578600381707645,0.1277379744550819,0.0,0.0,0.18190648911298213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736287987611141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803960106329509,0.08099613583614038,0.05765842260759075,0.0,0.07932564131455644,0.0,0.0,0.06219934390842957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461820333124984,0.0,0.0,0.13064661154996926,0.06084490773885313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257233638947234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614267040095109,0.0,0.0,0.11158746213134567,0.06676232323726776,0.3018381079286741,0.20782786434567904,0.16416756376117636,0.0,0.05775755482961359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386017412860362,0.0,0.19407345781473365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521414156754886,0.0,0.07243831360683932,0.0,0.07111799472461272,0.0,0.0,0.16304564681067912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418870174115911,0.0,0.0,0.11906370920918102,0.0,0.0,0.07646608193381893,0.07846265426888001,0.0,0.051008139787084766,0.035280981448009764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064306564399849,0.0,0.07883205260060402,0.061395272129029815,0.06517755927956731,0.0,0.09640918536997382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457824657554325,0.0,0.0,0.05308690619985728,0.16064125338344507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787056047740182,0.054923353456542236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013065552021268,0.0,0.0,0.07927123842600403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693881685458438,0.0,0.06910074674306671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252655335703998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869374227479233,0.17228665596034926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412845851028421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361489148440943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533440984178177,0.0,0.0,0.060375624148347386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054297277810125236,0.11608861399623754,0.0,0.0,0.0825850359908281,0.25154425341519115,0.04797695413430618,0.046272954698149495,0.0,0.0,0.2947672069137033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023438669630623,0.09805954600183336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237124579318753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493065733009397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257394658458833,0.0,0.0735940475092485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rumblytumbly17,2019/08/16,"How to get a diagnosis in the UK? Hi, this is my first time posting here. I'm a 30 year old guy living in the UK. I've only recently learned about BPD after some training at work. Sometimes I feel like the symptoms speak deeply to me, other times maybe not. I'd like to look at getting assessed for a diagnosis. 

I often thought it was just anxiety and depression, but I've realised a lot of what I experience has some very specific patterns to it. Terrified of rejection and abandonment, fixation on certain people and placing my self esteem dependent on their opinion of me, ultra-sensitivity to criticism (interpreted as rejection), black and white thinking in regard to people (a single complaint or criticism makes me spiral and catastrophise that they hate me and will leave). A single negative comment from certain people will ruin my whole day and mood and make me feel worthless and indignant. 

It feels like my emotions, particularly my negative ones, seem to have so much more potency than other people's. I always thought this is because I was fragile and weak, but I'm starting to recognise that this isn't something I can just ""suck up"". I just feel a little directionless in regard to how to pursue a diagnosis or figure out what's wrong with me.",7.9775165782493405,8.113571081896557,8.408793103448279,66.56167108753321,62.31896551724138,11.276392572944298,39.39787798408489,10.891193690592663,4.608402785145888,1009,50,163,24,13,335,141,232,0.257,0.698,0.045,-0.9963,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,2,9,16,2,0,11,0,10,2,0,5,2,44,28,18,0,0,8,0,5,3,0,2,2,1,0,2,12,12,0,1,11,0,0,0,4,10,0,2,4,9,20,5,30,22,8,22,0,6,3,0,7,12,1,9,12,118,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475911116218515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055071561628758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407374279061995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370332703393548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894592260326498,0.0,0.11878886815864664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551395744365243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491060552920378,0.0,0.0,0.2789426361630276,0.1970577859595414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731327350893653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441132854262124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365608447008866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361658120249008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603561315401065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213981002301087,0.13823041379468876,0.12178442511262386,0.0,0.1158166738884975,0.0,0.0,0.1172532446200154,0.0,0.0,0.18412313202300948,0.0,0.13855751469261451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138585241042468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447221023539203,0.0,0.09345703969384904,0.10489311594966427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824608585820604,0.0,0.1440953157424095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208765002889708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617772675491374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555568112422769,0.14387891234971753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617627979701423,0.13640476942791366,0.0,0.09761931420947577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433499680887865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837250635700948,0.0,0.218983520056844,0.16084259175794482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379707831888157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398090646060064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040619750926368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507920590970827,0.0,0.08881489212803635
bpd,LifeisVacum,2019/08/16,"Does smoking weed sometimes alter your understanding of yourself to others? To start with, i'm not officially diagnosed having BPD, but some symptoms and posts from others sometimes matches me pretty well.   
So the thing i wanted to ask, which probably with not really match for some of you - because your situation is kinda different, but have you ever realised maybe you're not really who you thought you were to other people.   
Of course, the obv. answer would be yea, because our minds are trying to make sense of the world and from different situations you will have different interpretations (depends on your knowledge). But have you ever had the realisation hit you (like  ''eureka moment''), that maybe some other people you talk to understand/perceive you as a bad, uninteresting, weird, untrusted person? And the reasons can be various, but none of them had the intention to be seen that way.  
 For example - if one day i feel more energized, social and open to other people - i will talk, joke more, tell some kind of stories, initiate conversations - do the small talk, in general - be friendly with others. The next day, i may be thinking about different things or have not that much of energy to talk with others - besides saying hello, doing minimum small talk, ofc. answering questions, but not really interested in other person socially - so pretty much i'm being anti social (im introverted too tho :D). So they get 2 different vibes from me, so they will probably have understanding of me like a who is this person (will not have defined way of understanding me) or smth. like this. And so because of it, they will probably start avoiding me, since they don't really know who am i, so they don't know what to expect from me and probably don't know how to act near me too, so they start avoiding me.. I mean probably i'm not right with the understanding what goes in another mind, but i feel that's the reason why it's hard for me to be just friends with others.   
TL;dr IDk, why i went in so many directions, when i had just the intention to ask - does the weed shift your world view of how other people percive you - in the bad light? Maybe your sober understanding of yourself and what others think of you isin't correct. Maybe you're just in some kind of act of other people, since you;re not worth to be seen as person who can understand them who they think or really are. ;/",7.605034324942792,7.842393787185358,7.833607322654463,70.0333034324943,63.07322654462242,11.294059496567506,32.811807780320365,10.962023055922355,3.700356228832952,1883,67,323,47,25,615,190,437,0.063,0.856,0.08,0.8994,5,4,0,0,0,0,70.0,1,16,9,0,21,16,0,2,15,1,38,2,0,8,3,82,69,31,0,4,21,0,3,3,2,7,2,1,0,4,31,14,0,2,23,1,1,3,12,5,1,1,8,8,44,11,53,45,11,30,0,0,3,0,52,14,0,13,13,238,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299437878845839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232492828935142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032103278094452,0.10986436490208527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756629639350837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077487429274038,0.0,0.0,0.0609753475541594,0.0,0.3138304505849342,0.0,0.0,0.10514491466363347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868342197299592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060751935441734635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282833354677694,0.0,0.03138695874155499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381582999410516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648918273329068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125118735374812,0.0990477379866998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804953489824488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040100849349736234,0.06090710743371805,0.24141557714836365,0.06543980937863013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131821827830568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832478024970714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389095445134006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070869996896442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082438678896324,0.209822367436576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057535703380361264,0.12223672123567846,0.3238576409887798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729828644562426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924294538317184,0.12353519785854855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130413161684714,0.0,0.04777443289677475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993901156086798,0.13505471301965905,0.0,0.18371815892759574,0.0,0.0,0.11883237156167215,0.0,0.12756520171239166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062441426141931475,0.0,0.2414319757613396,0.052508617396337706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982295888574997,0.11548182540056448,0.0,0.04769322057142199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040787307417159614,0.0,0.0,0.4377848530086877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543407456712633,0.09537023937648527,0.0,0.0,0.05401507123582392,0.05569057176935803,0.10841755299467416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267589729543637,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,triforcehpkh2,2019/08/16,"Knowing the reason why I act the way I do I’ve been diagnosed for 6 years now. I’ve used all the coping mechanisms that I’ve learned over the years through therapists and in ward. I’ve been off all medication for 4 years. The only thing I find that works is honestly smoking marijuana. I’ve tried really hard to not use it, but things get worse. I feel like I think more rational too and don’t overthink too much. I also find it easier to turn any negative thought into a positive. I know everyone looks at smoking in different lights and it’s known for being used for fun, but shit all I want is to be normal all on my own. Does anyone else smoke and does it help them? As well as do you feel guilty?",2.657708333333336,4.313850465277781,4.167777777777779,86.555,75.59722222222223,8.411111111111111,24.5,9.075114841892004,1.7972333333333337,553,18,119,13,12,184,94,144,0.121,0.713,0.166,0.7322,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,5,5,1,0,6,0,9,3,1,4,4,28,22,9,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,11,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,5,11,4,17,17,7,13,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,0,5,71,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053741022504486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250044940520674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105392769715011,0.15443901091028875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298610648771555,0.0,0.15747904901937507,0.0,0.0,0.2638067966252227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591419871441456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402740155424645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242556931010126,0.10768036620373912,0.0,0.0,0.27552596973559984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874934387370322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350229991045185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010300384587162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656727229261684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363826017376453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265738554412962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518429592126637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108026832055673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768178424540754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463570528525187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656044318279262,0.1549738516683512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472048934081872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750072363633006,0.20027444168994926,0.09658064308932003,0.0,0.119661476543465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233465828671803,0.16394916639911536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905427091235,0.0,0.0,0.08890348841726707,0.1196411515658071,0.0,0.0,0.13552289197999998,0.0,0.1360088951756154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973203686701598,0.0,0.1536050697941153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911923544291545
bpd,melissacjmorris,2019/08/16,"Saw a vent post, also need to vent real quick My dad promised he would pay for a writing course for my 25th birthday (it was in June) and he's put off paying for it since. Now he's saying he will give me the cash and I need to make the efforts to deposit it etc. into the bank account for the course. 

I just feel really insignificant and annoyed - the course is expensive but a birthday present and I don't see why he can't just send the money to the right account. It is causing me so much stress that I actually want to tell him to just keep his money because it feels like more of a stressor than a present.",3.352957130358704,4.232922440944886,4.314908136482938,89.2602537182852,72.62204724409449,6.904286964129485,27.496937882764648,6.937597516519254,1.1264250218722656,478,17,105,4,9,155,80,127,0.105,0.8440000000000001,0.051,-0.7759,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,1,12,0,7,0,0,2,0,20,17,7,0,4,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,0,10,2,2,2,0,0,2,5,10,2,15,13,3,12,0,0,2,0,13,4,0,0,6,65,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.2130136289081329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745615808287831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330638583542061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242377263054756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344428391654846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074182851466373,0.15594208398581827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939783694875272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940207874935054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664250278327876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570621900501368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604638054220937,0.32370953807503017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905566673244455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21943564117167108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484549020145328,0.1398382757356931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864132844676405,0.0,0.17358814327815678,0.0,0.0,0.1739440317628234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056672348147135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500435055590646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907897770262958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874951809846533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696729591506246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506264177432502,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShaqFa,2019/08/16,"I'm moving to a new state and am afraid of not having my usual therapist for support I've been seeing the same therapist for over two years now, and in that time she's helped reduce my symptoms SIGNIFICANTLY. I'm quite honestly afraid to move/live my life without her and don't know what to do. I believe in myself to an extent, but I'm starting to experience some self doubt surrounding seeing someone new and getting myself through things without her. I'm scared.

Any words of support or encouragement are welcome. I just really need to hear that it's going to be okay, and that it'll feel better eventually",6.676791767554484,7.009836533898305,7.184285714285719,73.57923728813563,65.01694915254237,9.79370460048426,32.958837772397096,9.606745405546679,3.0691075060532693,493,19,88,9,7,162,81,118,0.026000000000000002,0.775,0.198,0.9653,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,11,0,4,3,1,8,2,0,0,0,18,23,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,1,4,10,7,17,20,3,14,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,3,7,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526088562776907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439263570386362,0.0,0.13689706617969896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141198821473098,0.0,0.0,0.0782652686451692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087013985648597,0.0,0.08796936829727382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445689095432687,0.0,0.1037508750925714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506722478178055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933106960438538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32902947546507794,0.0,0.11477305470794748,0.0,0.2989896848965031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463568100821988,0.0,0.0,0.09916090929367499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549694048471117,0.0,0.2466913763783897,0.0,0.16147723965502472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115104330443605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095594700997448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513023008172385,0.0,0.16088359839244065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594407009484502,0.10283401303711844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025790267618726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120500766587444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047668893870901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29841947318182155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996781487076779
bpd,Simply-Elegant,2019/08/16,"Would like some feed back Hello everyone, my Intentions here are good. I’m just genuinely trying to learn how it all works. 

If you all don’t mind me asking, have any of you been in a wonderful relationship with someone who supports you and is always there no matter what, but felt the need to fulfill the some sort of void and then decide to cheat to fulfill that? If so do you feel so bad about it that you are filled with so much guilt that you take off, because you can’t handle the pain you have caused your spouse once they have found out? Then you wind up with the person you cheated on them with ? Do any of you fear your spouse was going to leave you over it and feared of abandonment that it would be easier to just go ? Do any of you once you leave every get to a state a couple months later when things have settled and think about what has happened or what you’ve done  or even miss that person that you have ghosted?

I know this is a lot of questions but however I just want some Insight. I’m currently In a relationship with a BPD and I’m trying to learn all I can and I’ve seen a couple of topics regarding cheating and the BPD partner ghosting for that specific person and it’s just one of those things that aren’t completely answered by most so it caught my eye. I want to be able to deliver the best way possible. If you have dealt with this personally share your experiences with me. 

I’ve talk to a couple of people with BPD and most say yes. But I just wanted more insight.",4.951871732310913,5.350936271523182,5.300338096897876,85.37204078075985,68.73509933774835,8.609550365981178,26.490763332171486,8.532816995589336,1.5500172185430467,1182,32,249,17,19,376,156,302,0.141,0.753,0.106,-0.9489,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,19,2,2,17,15,3,3,14,1,25,3,1,3,3,66,48,25,2,9,13,2,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,5,23,18,1,1,13,0,0,4,4,10,0,1,7,5,30,5,39,37,12,20,0,2,2,0,37,7,0,14,8,179,53,3,0.09936046464675324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267586618696647,0.0,0.0,0.2027055695259192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288862176791714,0.0,0.0,0.07640206415789333,0.08296183769065801,0.0605692170181704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427267759324343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754230808338829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207056729185944,0.0,0.0,0.10417755677017232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298213927961726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101680252550123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562664980832035,0.0,0.08371547684659038,0.09494318196914088,0.0,0.09719360020287814,0.0,0.2236162931621625,0.05023963637331954,0.0,0.09540162786247816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894362096564544,0.0,0.0,0.0519117418259846,0.0,0.1129376836431124,0.08333884362038131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786413074415021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054605912869218544,0.0,0.0,0.2104167710847699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854250413547457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447271387882939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032574480868356,0.0,0.07930857492691144,0.0,0.07304137407695306,0.07367452554369146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116313041480561,0.06732922231367651,0.0,0.10572653981778096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888403553682737,0.3470309008710533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201399470506823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130646011494788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213351908829522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901542952413261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418779925829906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275307780635818,0.0,0.0,0.07470670385196157,0.07986217777555281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320213553528233,0.06366617374591943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491846660590204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581612916857758,0.07886771198765044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775218547575058,0.07233560164025887,0.0,0.0,0.14116564658810726,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bekahfu,2019/08/16,"How to distance myself from my friend with bpd while I am currently their favorite person So I have this friend that I met because we sat next to each other in class and he would talk about his love life and stuff. I noticed he had REALLY BAD attachment issues with his crush but he's never been diagnosed with anything so I just tried to give my honest opinion on which situations he was over thinking. School year ends and he starts becoming a lot clingier than I remember, and being super set on the fact that we are best friends, even though we barely hang out. I'm pretty sure I'm his favorite person and Im on my way up to college. I really just want to focus on my life but he can't let go. He insists we talk every day and I honestly just want to focus on making friends at my university which is a 12 hour drive away from home and I would much rather spend any time in my phone with my closer friends I left behind. I don't want to break this persons heart but I don't know how to distance myself without being super harsh or cold about it. Any advice? Also there is nothing romantic between us, and I don't get any romantic vibes it's all attachment issues.",3.321161909009813,4.962853877118646,4.40421052631579,85.60983496877789,73.78813559322035,7.171810883140052,25.132917038358606,7.85451343220497,1.366927118644068,929,30,184,13,19,303,140,236,0.038,0.693,0.26899999999999996,0.9964,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,5,0,1,3,14,13,0,0,3,0,17,5,1,3,4,44,32,19,0,6,9,0,0,0,5,2,3,0,1,3,10,18,0,0,3,0,1,3,6,1,0,0,5,1,31,12,32,22,5,30,0,0,0,1,30,14,0,3,10,124,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848084426725166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877724052050928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264784111418289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913544299646166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043005846190256,0.0,0.09269141064811263,0.06767263507589925,0.1226053914936313,0.0,0.0,0.1165015366970582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981727792364435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159434993646421,0.0,0.0,0.11267609239819405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832477196937288,0.0,0.0,0.07332319191776883,0.0,0.0935334348658439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42884273347506,0.0,0.057999831163250325,0.10649400656784484,0.06309137733450401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155121294322267,0.0,0.0,0.11135532190494846,0.0,0.10932567037350197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199133391729473,0.2317379415143685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100996837182825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061620002709285,0.11351854981544568,0.15682385585594716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437947891051586,0.10019377499519563,0.0,0.07410219355557765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160749794518644,0.0,0.08562024730078227,0.0,0.11806383031722342,0.0,0.0,0.10652018894526737,0.12638929899635382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907974133254292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294036564670686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223583654570032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257563497005134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235131622963196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478352263181675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857573610478592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708358952271462,0.0,0.0,0.10462865619155516,0.0,0.0,0.17845645953621175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711327957449721,0.10906993556410252,0.0,0.06473270759340831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537069657745515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335352478902225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643543924487267,0.08811713532651859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701279292386186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577212279951462,0.0,0.0,0.07148888088941523
bpd,bigtime0of,2019/08/16,"I've got a first (?) date tomorrow and I feel like I'm dying So as the title said I've got a sort of first date with a guy tomorrow. I say sort of because we've met up before and hung out, but I havent seen/spoken to him in a couple of years due to our own personal issues (also this is like the first time were going out together and not just chilling at his place).

At first I was really excited and a little nervous but now it's like genuine fear and to the point I'm actually feeling severely depressed. I have a terrible fear that hes either (a) not going to show up or (b) just expect this to be a hookup and never speak again sort of situation. I planned on asking what the intentions are tomorrow to get that cleared up but I just am unsure on how to feel or think in the meantime.

I know it partially is due to my overthinking, which is something I unfortunately do a lot, but when showing texts to my friends they agree the conversations seem off for some reason. Idk I've been stood up and used before on ""dates"" and I'm so scared that it will happen again. I really have been feeling like I wont/am not good enough for anyone to be in a relationship so for once I would like to be proved wrong 😞

I'm sorry for the rambling, I just need to get out these internal thoughts before I lose my mind.",3.860213202132023,4.408187446494466,5.39089175891759,83.22814985649858,71.2140221402214,8.826650266502666,26.863673636736365,8.998388855275968,1.8758313243132432,1022,32,220,19,18,347,147,271,0.166,0.723,0.11,-0.9642,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,1,6,13,16,0,4,17,0,19,0,0,4,3,50,44,21,1,3,14,0,4,5,1,2,0,3,0,2,11,12,0,0,10,2,0,2,5,8,0,4,10,7,22,8,38,29,5,40,0,2,0,0,15,19,0,8,24,146,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.11123611380420864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115638267111703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970325253357982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656365023226616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948619469554719,0.0,0.29098688024951946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261258586613732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817793459120656,0.0,0.11830183345893415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778035949629945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565370009505192,0.2305435880686857,0.16286649347298782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878334753676943,0.0,0.0,0.08806705882990237,0.0,0.11910833842951027,0.0,0.12956432756486164,0.09560795728579984,0.18233367376215465,0.0,0.0,0.11286631387764127,0.10079945550247857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897414445552948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264497512028795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784445680018532,0.11424619776598588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752372312413762,0.0,0.09690875550338912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509566377027185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452086188426758,0.08791478515873351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213937931481997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995301653646238,0.11909348664694536,0.0,0.10775576453924536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604761614223613,0.11719893185295865,0.0,0.12238074888063508,0.0,0.0,0.10842895297752088,0.09064805176892174,0.11412214911156225,0.0,0.0,0.10377064484279744,0.0,0.1287743057527699,0.0,0.0,0.12812759749440594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775374338214141,0.0,0.12760054197592985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303908424476319,0.0,0.09049395807012772,0.06646748006724823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844927140824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097400037548254,0.1246282849932948,0.0,0.07340471211852954
bpd,caledon13,2019/08/16,"A diagnosis after a decade of low-key suffering. I have been a longtime lurker for this group and have long suspected that I have BPD.  So much content on here has resonated with me. I tick all the boxes. However the general stigma as well as self-stigma kept me away from MH specialist treatment for a long time. I am a registered nurse who couldn't cope with life's stressors anymore and finally at age 25, reached out to a crisis resolution hotline for suicidal feelings. Been seeing a specialist since and have been putting all my messy cards on the table, not holding back as in my head this is my last hope.  After 3 sessions the penny dropped and I walked out the office today with an official diagnoses of BPD. So many mixed emotions. Just thought I would come here for some support as I don't know what to do or who to tell where to go.",5.295338137472282,6.2718785670731725,5.837960088691797,79.76202882483373,68.20731707317073,9.378270509977828,32.592017738359196,9.573946990214177,3.030848780487805,671,29,127,14,11,217,111,164,0.11800000000000001,0.826,0.055999999999999994,-0.9022,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,13,0,14,3,1,0,2,26,23,11,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,10,0,2,4,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,5,2,12,3,27,16,4,23,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,3,10,90,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762177671582468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694279419992214,0.13663034207579128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44758113560453694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306162490412809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034857401031176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987396928194268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984389072609696,0.0,0.0,0.1946474332570682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098362210160099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823581340965597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648329274653196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765213331492674,0.14483862803063693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550558939543094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31449482323641736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014673820444024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062039665833955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786245216821604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159354108202202,0.0,0.18536630264557688,0.0,0.0,0.1469845301400229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436074824714075,0.20163711230293307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553062778735498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106363743765954,0.10361072395944028,0.0,0.16842650828243075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976196058240816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622375321446538,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WHiTELiZARDKiNG,2019/08/16,"Ever feel suicidal and then randomly have a flush of extreme happiness and love for life? Because this happens to me.. a lot. Happened today at work. A lot has been happening in my life and soon, a lot will not as I am losing my job soon, all my friends are away for college again. And I’m basically addicted to a lot of substances( being treated for it.) Sigh. I feel very dysphoric right now.",2.7876623376623364,4.876123870129874,4.484415584415586,82.50376623376627,76.53246753246755,8.036363636363637,30.48051948051948,8.841846274778883,2.744329870129872,306,15,59,7,7,103,56,77,0.055,0.7709999999999999,0.174,0.8264,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,5,0,7,4,0,0,2,14,14,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,6,4,11,11,5,11,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,5,7,47,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877957590006257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618499151327581,0.0,0.0,0.1050119736514544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558247843340719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420609447571309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309256179486004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570037175737965,0.18338074265125456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094778037343952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433536480527741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927219919197195,0.0,0.5858187931634867,0.1554771149081846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471145295117482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843143700630446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632883659475187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421377875348752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541196118203374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sellardoreB,2019/08/16,"I need a change (microdosing/ shrooms/ bpd) I would like to talk with someone who has bpd and quit meds to MD shrooms. Preferably long term. How are you feeling? How was transition period? Does your doctors know about it?
Thank you in advance, friends.",2.6129523809523825,5.59873797777778,2.126031746031749,91.27000000000002,91.44444444444444,5.238095238095238,28.65079365079365,6.868970318607317,1.7560793650793651,199,10,36,3,7,58,40,45,0.0,0.789,0.21100000000000002,0.8458,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,9,8,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,5,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6094067079647817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25593069120208506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476264094966342,0.21171525992352694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232747388735865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186915124026642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295883216527649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819516094692052,0.0,0.0,0.2141011312302148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687305622704638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938861126780814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573231692433934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049871686745114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944548004653687,0.0,0.22273736200976685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186068802808285,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,satellite_of_love666,2019/08/16,"is this bpd related? often even in the middle of interactions I have I am daydreaming of imaginary praise from the people I’m with, to the point where it’s difficult to focus on what’s actually being said. i am also in a severely dissociative state. this happens as I’m walking down the street too, like I’ll imagine imaginary reactions to my behaviours from people in my head. I can always distinguish them from reality though. I also have a diagnosis of mild schizotypal PD and I thought it was more a trait of that but I haven’t seen many other schizotypals that relate.",4.632252803261977,6.732090431192668,6.454434250764525,70.35873598369011,71.29357798165137,10.716004077471966,30.45973496432212,10.746095033038511,4.00016126401631,463,20,79,16,9,160,74,109,0.039,0.919,0.042,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,7,0,9,1,1,0,0,7,15,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,10,2,17,10,1,11,1,0,1,0,4,9,0,1,1,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.2445773967061573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008552619177989,0.2085431039453645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156579954170141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553785141618665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163007653780145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257217288566724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244449260198305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540981008313561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34750868048111005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369250728902501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238405227761679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831390219105584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24624136395524315,0.19897114278358213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chalabruyvwka,2019/08/16,How do you get work done when you just can’t ? I am in the final semester of my PhD. I discovered the possibility that I might have qBPD only a few days ago. I try to distinguish between the stress from academics from the general procrastination I engage in. But my anxiety has been through the roof in the last few months. I am under a lot of pressure to earn as well as complete the degree and I am in a situation where no one understands what I am trying to say. I am willing to work through all of that if I can just get my work done. I am unable to. I can do it for a few minutes and I get distracted. The stress is unbearable at times and  I have reached a point with my FP (wife) where she thinks I am just making excuses to not do anything. I feel as if nothing I have done in the past is being recognised. Nothing I do ever seems to be good enough.,3.0389628349178928,4.0382191797752816,4.798314606741575,85.04854364736391,73.49438202247191,8.173552290406223,27.73725151253241,8.617729084823388,1.8583426101987897,666,25,146,12,13,227,99,178,0.084,0.863,0.053,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,4,9,7,0,4,14,0,28,0,0,2,2,23,36,11,0,2,7,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,4,2,25,3,27,28,6,19,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,5,9,122,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779800456709345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028965391115036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863962432977004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151159500024982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297772186730384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426078883323691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896614707365013,0.0,0.0,0.13041001714038972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289668284678202,0.0,0.0,0.15793118590932914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259686207794177,0.0,0.0,0.12092295427995532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751779053848918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256817678923652,0.0,0.0,0.09623459320856956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294158495394994,0.0,0.0,0.1150751169956232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766700028646099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769332183954776,0.1096477800794068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376265763309301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628724803553666,0.16253001088106708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464976902344501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312469515943816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620531183142195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33029249137393785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237831343240184,0.0,0.0,0.08406668525768678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957639302414948,0.0,0.0,0.1500860524165346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962614238358056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148724269490193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Swifferdoodles,2019/08/16,"Feeling guilty for existing and having BPD I just want to vent but...bleh. Lately it feels like everywhere I turn, I'm reminded of this disorder I have. The other day my really good friend made a comment about people with BPD even though he knows I have it and it just made me feel gross and ashamed. Then yesterday I was helping a friend pack for college and I was looking through their bookshelf and they had a book about dealing with people who have BPD. They got it before they knew me but finding it and knowing they read it and knowing they know about my BPD made me feel awful too.

Lately I've been so depressed and caught up in knowing I'll have to deal with this forever and that the people close to me will have to deal with it forever. Even though I've been in therapy for years, I still feel like it's not enough, like I have to make up for the fact that I exist and got stuck with this stupid disorder.",4.205346989966554,5.27668151630435,4.423478260869565,88.55797658862879,70.79347826086956,7.835451505016723,26.653846153846153,8.139509932561175,1.4630991638795985,725,23,152,10,13,226,95,184,0.149,0.755,0.096,-0.937,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,6,0,12,10,1,1,6,1,13,0,0,4,1,38,36,15,0,1,4,0,5,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,15,16,0,0,12,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,13,6,21,6,23,22,1,13,0,1,1,0,15,5,0,0,10,101,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860670358945962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095548832547575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523022613038221,0.3128284904305845,0.08711613197068854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318421095713884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045099327476967,0.0,0.13361077776785474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557100244420213,0.14451616850643026,0.0,0.0,0.09244479489155212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628891667442607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483571648800697,0.1617899628088838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779543280195477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27793352664236554,0.0,0.2281921712787388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824316991535136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493641536681422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871178359105224,0.06751514395587513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036384435467212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117247774608186,0.0,0.06479614515638357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077461266049749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156682441019448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987491070786023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001683126241353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059658004359912274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513413237724572
bpd,sfvj98,2019/08/16,"DAE get so into a person they convince themselves the other person also likes them, then ruins it even after all that? for months i liked this guy at my work and when he finally made a move i said no because i was seeing someone??? i dont know why i did this. i made it all up in my head, that he was also totally into me, imagining us together and shit like that but when it finally happened i said no. i think im doing this with like.. 3 other people currently right now and i dont know how to stop. this other guy is going to ask me out soon (he’s told & asked my friend about it) and i feel like im going to say no when it comes down to it. god i hate it so much. its like my obsession consumes me and then my paranoia about everything catches up when it all becomes real",1.5510413080895018,2.991777512048195,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,78.09638554216869,6.670567986230638,22.098106712564544,7.447530270364453,0.7680564543889847,601,17,132,8,14,208,97,166,0.147,0.737,0.11599999999999999,-0.7476,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,2,1,14,12,2,1,3,0,7,2,2,3,4,25,25,17,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,4,19,10,0,1,5,0,0,5,5,4,0,0,8,5,22,8,17,17,5,28,0,1,1,0,17,9,1,0,20,96,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375270601049024,0.0,0.1312561403378863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265008218826458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384638276623852,0.13379063279106265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435217931336699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839525209936935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001243767039719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887365111014012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061252490956715075,0.08654310017621435,0.0,0.26540792142838937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935931772339027,0.0,0.06329113278439423,0.0,0.13769435739180305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23989712064508334,0.10712451885268466,0.0,0.0,0.11960158238118047,0.12432553698821995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617059712071684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315176723616795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551000178600216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22925294235135216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669352963470952,0.12875363056497574,0.08905251765497595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398386350627103,0.21155116409832772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788489242115476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103453687032471,0.2304655190747867,0.09633612485575596,0.0,0.0,0.09653363210968537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243494174509078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026423116285382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012792366381176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776222125224532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575534408236605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457176156569943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931084147474596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819203531639222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dannyboyy96,2019/08/16,"Does anyone else want to speak to someone else who has BPD but try to keep it as positive as possible? If you do PM me! The r/BPD chat and page gets a bit depressing at times, which isnt a problem, i can relate to everything thats said by people. But id love to have conversations with others that have my condition that arent all doom and gloom.  Im easy to talk to and i dont judge, talk about whatever the heck you want we will just try to keep it as positive as we can. Doesn’t mean we cant have a little moan about things :P p.s 23yo male from london.",1.5137190082644632,2.8436797520661194,3.367016528925621,92.47416115702481,77.92561983471073,7.484628099173554,20.36446280991736,8.238735603445708,0.6617563636363633,434,10,105,8,10,146,80,121,0.061,0.6940000000000001,0.24600000000000002,0.976,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,13,1,0,0,1,18,21,10,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,9,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,2,9,1,18,19,3,3,1,3,0,1,14,2,1,1,1,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198235651885252,0.17558541199268465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870880279480153,0.0,0.4316606619766691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759786798672855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996413405812675,0.0,0.2008404694337715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863097390573401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540133197015345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953201595061888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510541807105899,0.0,0.0,0.3046371530792663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717544302195982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466511679617556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866685493595135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880407690999785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319018025333792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397476652780713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630089526139689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451984295057618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754760877961096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384840575080345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992528758345767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326934500615469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215301236810435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,geordielaforgie,2019/08/16,"Afraid of facing myself and getting better I have pushed myself to put in the work to manage my borderline symptoms. I can’t afford DBT at the moment, but I’m working through the work book. In the last few months I’ve gained incredible self confidence, calmed my emotions, and reduced my suicidal ideation to 0. 

And yet. The one thing that has not budged is my inability to face criticism or feedback. I literally ran out of my job and never returned because my boss wanted to me with me to discuss some recent events (I found out later what it was she wanted to talk about and it wasn’t all that bad). That meeting felt like a death sentence. I would have rather jumped out in traffic than sit down and hear how so fucked up. Instead I walked out, kept walking, and never went back to work. 

I overreact at the slightest change in tone. I freaked out because I was afraid my current boss wasn’t happy with my progress on a project and that our client was going to fire me (Not True). I’m spent a week off and on again crying in preparation for a meeting with my client only only to have to go extremely well. 

I want to get better. I want to stop behaving in this way. But today, right now, I am in tears because I do not want to face myself. I don’t want to face my flaws or come into contact with all the things I hate about myself. The only way over anxiety is through, and facing my fears feels like being told to stand in front of a gun, let them pull the trigger, and trust that I won’t get hurt. 

If I thought I’ve faced emotional pain before, dear god am I scared at what lies ahead of me on the path to recovery.",5.068773006134967,5.2901934539877296,5.426509202453989,85.18927300613498,68.4478527607362,8.237791411042949,29.183435582822085,7.908726449838941,1.7042250306748468,1270,42,264,14,20,405,179,326,0.193,0.6609999999999999,0.146,-0.9786,3,0,0,1,0,0,33.0,1,0,1,9,12,20,2,4,15,0,20,9,6,4,5,54,46,18,2,9,9,0,3,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,12,22,0,2,4,1,1,12,10,10,1,1,13,4,40,10,56,29,4,59,0,1,0,1,11,25,1,4,20,178,52,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400887173016186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444165742391302,0.09169169910194196,0.20082828115663887,0.0,0.0934452523758148,0.0,0.0,0.19424649928053508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161706733134062,0.09459668400546237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062762224207915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470562392751848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357343109593083,0.05552622446129976,0.07845250912909059,0.1054404964897109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040747879651685,0.0,0.10152304064626456,0.1721228438471005,0.0,0.124821826446121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690107982706645,0.0,0.10842047736339464,0.0,0.0,0.1237705134555666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756020454428855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897534730623233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951462481977965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229420978046788,0.0,0.10730101470126692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765401286694313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939360179425736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441410370118356,0.2505598476066105,0.11685187245018185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103953224315892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842996433149957,0.0,0.0,0.0937821884104827,0.0,0.0,0.10994488496789796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456194567127985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181101925815956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012078335452275,0.0,0.0,0.11414077982637393,0.0,0.08826586992354396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591362398671595,0.0,0.0,0.0871815671871356,0.0,0.0,0.10409264367940724,0.10493380951077558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886336190647977,0.17433351810249442,0.0880877002242447,0.0,0.09873769281342316,0.10180045017361522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197891659385662,0.0,0.0,0.07801007276834558,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,persephvniis,2019/08/16,"Bpd episode/meltdown rambly post I hope I picked the right flair to put this under. Let me know if this is the wrong flair because it was between this and venting but I got anxious. First time on this subreddit. I'm sorry. 

I'm very drained to say the least, so I'm really sorry if this is poorly formatted or I missed something in a spell check. I feel its too long so feel free to skip, I don't mind. 

Anyways, everything is just so mentally taxing with this illness sometimes... and I had an exhausting bpd meltdown today. I'm not someone who expresses anything that's wrong easily, so I constantly repress and turn everything inward. And I try to take care of my problems by myself as well. 

Like since I got my diagnosis recently I've been trying to work on my illness on my own until I can finally take care of the whole therapy thing. I legit bought BPD for dummies (boo boo the fool is a dummy please don't judge lol) and a bpd dbt workbook (along with ones for ocd and ptsd because I'm a mess of abbreviations and acronyms) and I've been reading from cover to cover and doing the lessons in my free time at work. I get I just bought these books like a week ago, but I feel like because I didn't really utilize any coping strategies or I wasn't successful, I keep setting myself back. I feel so frustrated. 

(Meltdown details begin now until last paragraph. So CW: ED issues, CW: abuser mention, CW: suicidal ideation, CW: self harm mention... I think that's it but I'm sorry if I didn't mention one. Tried to summarize a lot of the details and space them into paragraphs for brevity and clarity. Failed.) 
Like I was been written up at work for something stupid and I feel like everyone hates me and building wide issues are my fault (I've been trying to put in the effor apply elsewhere. I've been very discouraged after one application got no where, which I know is unreasonable but I can't help the feeling) 

I pissed my sister off today because I prevented her from getting her nails done because her co worker contacted me to ask her to drive her a small distance (I know she was being unreasonable and I think she gave like a nonapology when she found out the real reason her co worker urgently needed a ride) 

I feel this weird sluggish baggage from feeling empty after being super bubbly and uncharacteristically outrageous at work in a training class (like you act like the life of the party and then you suddenly feel empty and hollowed out with an ice cream scooper)

I'm 22 and still don't have my license and live with my older sister because my parents abandoned me and left me with my sister to deal with my emotional arrested development, so I feel like a chore more than a person to her (ultimately the thought triggered this episode) 

In the background I've been trying to tackle the issues with my abuser... I'm too ashamed to reveal more for the most part but hes in jail

I've been swinging from starving to binging (I don't know if its binging if its a normal amount of calories anymore... What is a normal amount of calories) 

And I've been trying to get a prescription refilled from my psych for a couple of days so I'm low and splitting my pills to make them last longer. Hes often busy and behind in quite a bit. 

I think I dissociated because of my sister before I came home? I'm not too sure... 

And I just broke down when I was home alone and was sobbing and shrieking and kicking the fridge violently. I felt terrible when i scared my cat because of the noise. I stopped shortly don't worry. My cat is my fur baby :'(

I just wanted to walk out and just go into a forest alone and just kinda die? As I was sobbing and doing the dishes (something I did in hopes my sister wouldn't hate me secretly when she got home witb her bf) I started jabbing my wrist with a knife. .. I didn't self harm or attempt though because I came to the conclusion that dead or alive I'd still be a burden to deal with. 

But I still wanted to just escape because I absolutely hated my sister in the heat of the moment and became overcome with this feeling that she and her bf were going to get rid of me soon and I had to leave. 

I discussed moving out with my friends and told them I was having a meltdown. And despite them reassuring me again and again I wasn't a burden for venting to them, I fear if I vent too much or unload too much on them, they will hate me and our friendship will crumble. And I'm terrified of even telling them my fear again because I'm afraid that will just jinx it, you know? 

So a couple mixed handfuls of wafers, chips, veggie straws, and a box of instant couscous later (My Binge?? ™)... 
(/end meltdown) 

I'm basically lying dead and exhausted on my bed (my sister is fine and dandy now, so I feel a bit better about that. She has emotional outbursts sometimes... Gemini issues? Lol) But I don't know... I'm so tired of this... Emotionally. Its so draining. And I know its stupid to try to do things myself and that'll drain me more, but it'll make things worse if I don't hide it. So I guess that's why I spill my guts to strangers on the internet. But I feel like I set myself back. I wonder if I'll ever get better. I'm self aware of my issues, my habits, the amount of time it'll take to get better, me being my own obstacle - but I can't stop. Its hard to change. Its just very painful.",3.1597149514811034,4.996685406250002,4.357302093973441,84.95605847803883,74.67234848484848,6.753643173306093,26.353804902962214,7.5375697719659005,1.4354754979570998,4183,153,815,53,89,1371,426,1056,0.21,0.6829999999999999,0.107,-0.9992,2,2,3,0,2,0,128.0,1,3,8,17,50,65,10,6,51,2,64,13,4,5,2,158,148,89,4,17,34,8,16,10,3,7,8,1,5,4,38,63,1,7,32,2,7,11,18,39,1,4,39,18,139,28,110,97,17,95,0,8,1,0,61,36,3,21,55,532,177,13,0.0,0.10733294016587024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015076217740477,0.0,0.0,0.09382269881180667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030801752487688037,0.0,0.0,0.051169791549843226,0.04491988444341336,0.0,0.0,0.037273440672388886,0.0,0.04234415970872492,0.0,0.0,0.06965721194273297,0.0,0.3037215759087982,0.0,0.03854220741492091,0.0,0.0,0.1201776763593559,0.09889953067028212,0.0,0.22818689868374745,0.0,0.0,0.1036094785447642,0.0923613408462476,0.0,0.047915480696322295,0.0,0.0,0.04894716683276173,0.0,0.0,0.10023480785270916,0.0,0.029211147788548813,0.09339309712209423,0.0,0.0,0.04700844724164021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046351908029848635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285034673027936,0.04011740378705308,0.0,0.0,0.02991653108574689,0.04097138763231749,0.0,0.04328075047340625,0.08141539147382659,0.0,0.0,0.10193760926703846,0.29772879493248544,0.1294333442180088,0.04348973738435197,0.04961781294880816,0.0,0.03852740260296318,0.0,0.04966298344852193,0.034994349349361215,0.0,0.14198676079809014,0.0,0.05148371482210048,0.0,0.14490431184057675,0.0,0.04989689992332876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04057489525847327,0.1788754129427009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03035988872716985,0.0,0.13630196103855516,0.08997513978540166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23637798456853384,0.0,0.04025975338283256,0.0,0.0,0.1742483649877421,0.07384198017032091,0.0,0.04796024093494038,0.04921250975546715,0.046316603731209036,0.031992781792442575,0.2212856115907968,0.0,0.0399957944803838,0.04008412813772976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038507688233888865,0.0,0.0,0.06046874171854603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564611262674936,0.0,0.045734442822177465,0.0,0.0,0.04814079039895282,0.06659320701273384,0.03358523161083347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875781114450647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207799475713414,0.0,0.04819644647845621,0.0,0.05029408285049981,0.04904943288025854,0.0,0.0,0.03954933233658439,0.0,0.0497196612926076,0.0,0.0,0.04337952491927487,0.0,0.0,0.043340633896347736,0.05294674224329777,0.0910667863078428,0.0,0.04817618117892162,0.045306668011042606,0.05155495558534288,0.05803351864849012,0.046570197973295466,0.04472276620806431,0.0,0.0,0.03868117925354898,0.0,0.036019933373357384,0.0453476067847732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417558461128037,0.0,0.0,0.037468004590763236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837780720039447,0.10460955072520804,0.08959466071523886,0.1521101534126867,0.03205961702268189,0.0,0.10851652468316006,0.07573631098970916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954473372572372,0.0,0.042689446047643256,0.0,0.10216727966285154,0.0,0.03958931138397425,0.0,0.05179810608275828,0.0,0.09027478150106094,0.0870684884057062,0.04450152854070097,0.03595870266121847,0.07923460538193491,0.052059262022940984,0.08586761041479156,0.04328075047340625,0.0,0.21526352163580398,0.04926731222440679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211789732638827,0.05343163393743322,0.0,0.03633244414699576,0.0,0.04072511485956076,0.0,0.040871160562057085,0.05056959199015838,0.0,0.0,0.049119856274207715,0.1318994817744084,0.04599867270910985,0.04615887411330753,0.0,0.09904465532999664,0.0,0.0
bpd,xoxosammi94,2019/08/16,"boyfriend with BPD in a downward spiral of negativity my boyfriend said he’s always sad and never happy, that he needs to find his happiness. now, i have no idea what it’s like to have BPD. but i do know what it’s like to be depressed, so i tried to give him some suggestions/tips from therapy. but to every single suggestion he says “that won’t help me” or “you’ll never understand” 

and i get it, but for the love of g*d happiness is not found in negativity. i have been through some traumatic shit in my 25 years, enough to the point of attempted suicide. but here i am, glad i didn’t go through with it. i’m trying SO HARD to show him it’s all about his mindset but he is refusing to hear it. what can i do? 

“focus on your blessings, not what’s missing.”

“you woke up this morning, you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly, people that love you, a job.”

he doesn’t want to hear any of it. how can i help him?",1.460668934240367,3.2614449081632664,3.105646258503402,92.19094104308391,79.51020408163265,6.600453514739229,22.62358276643991,7.594959193182576,0.7674079365079365,726,23,167,11,18,240,113,196,0.174,0.64,0.187,0.4774,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,8,0,1,7,13,1,0,5,0,17,5,2,1,3,26,33,11,1,2,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,15,4,1,1,5,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,5,5,25,9,28,25,5,16,1,3,0,2,29,10,1,3,7,115,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279176668295025,0.0,0.0,0.09218135173650134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423263997143843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34145097389565376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167524405356042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400634926331545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421007081896295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238938779103918,0.0,0.16391240533460025,0.14862793756238854,0.0,0.0,0.07082135745515848,0.13003572518590542,0.07703844816321345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328991828541379,0.1214297366030736,0.0,0.13911748626528436,0.0,0.3055583644771221,0.0,0.1817179449486803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302393874023715,0.0,0.0,0.1345164044389811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449691993460318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324496507426429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468551067826305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051155529243336,0.2090951652055794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397605882809276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814232183759572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289428723221448,0.10779796211731796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914420796720067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482740479811265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550177847188378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406450284077366,0.0,0.0,0.14111646914375314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995324687793781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729231596016243
bpd,stenpen22,2019/08/23,"I can’t tell if I’m being taken advantage of or not. Ok the title pretty much explains it but I can’t tell if I’m being taken advantage of or if I’m being irritation, and seeing how I tend to devalue myself I believe I’m irrational most of the time. However an incident today has really confused me because for the first time everyone around me is actually agreeing with me but I can’t shake the feeling I’m the one in the wrong.

So my “friends” for the past few weeks have been doing stuff pretty much everyday. I work Monday Wednesday’s and Fridays so I could understand why they didn’t invite me at first. But it started getting to the point where even on days I was free they would do stuff without me. I didn’t wanna say anything because I know they would get annoyed at me and blame it on me. Yesterday I asked one if he could do anything today and he told me he couldn’t because he had to help a mutual friend with taxes. In the end neither of them even thought to ask me which hurt me. Then today they were out for the whole day and whilst I did have work, I was finished at 4 and they know that. Then I saw that almost all of my friends and including people they don’t even know well were all out, less than a minute from my house. No one who was there contacted me or even interacted with me in any way at all. I hate how I’m being treated like I’m not even a close friend to these people who I’ve been friends with for years and have done so much with. I’m feeling ostracized and it’s reminding me of times where the had actually abandoned me like when they all made a group chat without me and would only talk in it for about a month, or when they all stopped talking to me because I got annoyed when one of them started saying shit to me because he’s a bit of a prick. I don’t know what to do anymore

TL;DR : Friends have stopped asking me to do shit with them or even seeing me as their friend and I feel alone; is it me being walked over or am I irrational?",3.726827323162276,4.409109026699029,4.8699306518724015,86.35533980582527,71.59708737864078,7.924549237170598,27.821081830790572,8.07648339933343,1.6126072122052704,1557,54,335,21,28,514,178,412,0.14800000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.145,-0.325,1,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,12,6,20,26,6,2,19,1,42,3,3,3,5,69,77,35,0,11,17,0,3,2,7,3,0,2,0,0,15,21,0,3,10,1,2,2,14,11,1,6,20,8,55,16,49,46,14,51,0,2,3,0,42,18,3,13,32,246,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.14692985626934285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538461875202808,0.07797003790739587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119472877019909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466007985709401,0.0,0.0,0.12390228032108215,0.06701744763539595,0.21113712008659266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294577779229744,0.0,0.0,0.08481767592143577,0.0,0.0,0.08218906781665906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021401180279975,0.0,0.0,0.0971020586376516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770402060895019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666780114756028,0.0,0.0,0.2983405626596541,0.0,0.0,0.07193572126593667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141953872947228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807063021932685,0.0,0.0,0.40714188483345853,0.0,0.0786640707204662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060210347976758026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432595152596695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050460319408843726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686597750537955,0.08059154761932118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549332542525802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355852152027205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123418746286203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008982869138803,0.0,0.16602405199106854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040536695297677,0.05725578642351624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186573093314666,0.1043829093838602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116636160002852,0.0,0.0,0.15317887539053965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048227941705221225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973544168350568,0.0,0.0,0.1199809219570826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455295138624697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657078025730547,0.0,0.0,0.12587919796847366,0.0,0.0,0.17236106162942993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101855532965207,0.131600567812604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059765950992728474,0.13169361494490686,0.0,0.2140772198150503,0.07193572126593667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783718097720402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975579950827651,0.060387136232178326,0.0,0.06768807100192728,0.0,0.06793080946722534,0.08405030028699227,0.0,0.1451394209556096,0.0,0.10961321433041456,0.0,0.0,0.16043573210852166,0.08230967162962269,0.0,0.048479506484970215
bpd,peanutmargarinejelly,2019/08/23,"Urge to run away even when you're having a good time Originally posted in DAE:

DAE have this sick feeling they get when they're getting closer to people? I usually get this feeling when I'm spending a fun time with new people. It's a feeling hard for me to describe when I was younger. It's a mix of feelings of disgust and an urge to run away from the current situation even though you're having a genuinely good time with the people you're with. I dissociate briefly alongside this feeling, and I start hating the people I'm with. Recently felt this way after 3 days of training for my new job. Honestly enjoyed the people I was with, but the said feeling ruined the moment and made me hate them and being with them.",6.517183098591548,6.3415627957746485,6.8719366197183085,77.40889084507046,65.40845070422534,9.071830985915494,33.94718309859155,8.472884824447931,2.6834338028169014,575,23,107,7,8,187,76,142,0.12300000000000001,0.757,0.12,-0.757,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,7,9,3,0,12,0,6,1,0,2,0,20,23,10,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,10,0,0,7,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,5,9,11,5,20,17,0,25,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,17,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560726336454703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788710921099474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001876912059378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134331492194148,0.0,0.1308468714315421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359663856941985,0.0,0.0,0.2286046307756612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207703294028177,0.26908978493853863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523346088926716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894817887367585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632335073413426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723850495803741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051527696545814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455666536618485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963021836519895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531805664973222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645725265337432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389103116468426,0.0,0.23839187925446925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008938105944766,0.0,0.0,0.10816999250184416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,by_mys3lf,2019/08/23,"Skipped 1st appointment for therapy... I chickened out. God, am I pathetic. Sorry for the spam, guys. I just really needed to vent somewhere.",2.3612499999999983,4.7395026250000045,3.9819999999999993,75.06300000000003,106.08333333333334,8.586666666666668,29.8,8.238735603445708,4.215060000000001,109,6,16,4,5,36,21,24,0.282,0.639,0.079,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666865835712044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494820634970381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019433375401525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276105770685354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390020592623094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdthrowaway112,2019/08/23,"Please help Dear Reddit,

I'm not sure if I have BPD, but I think I do and really need help. I dissociate from reality often, like intense daydreaming about being someone else or being an impossible-to-achieve, idealized version of myself. In these moments, I am very happy--euphoric, even. I often feel hopeful that I can become a better version of myself. I can't remember a single time when I felt happy about who I *am;* just happy about who I could become. 

I fluctuate from this happy, almost manic state to one in which I am severely depressed and suicidal. I often feel worthless, hideous, disgusting, and undeserving of life and of happiness. My personality constantly shifts. In happier moments, I feel like I have a sense of who I am; then I grow doubtful and depressed, and when I reach another happy state, the sense of who I am will be equally strong but apply to a different personality.

I am only 19. I sit in my room for hours crying and thinking of suicide, and I've attempted twice though these attempts have remained undiscovered and unspoken about. Not many people know I have a problem, but I don't have many friends or close family. I feel like I am dying on the inside, like there is a monster inside of me eating me alive. Please help.

Also: I am seeing a therapist (just started a week ago) but was not officially diagnosed with anything.",6.024022320390607,7.1946745177865585,7.191192745873053,70.01241571727508,66.66798418972331,10.063613113229485,33.854684956986745,10.194018383442646,3.7748709137409913,1075,48,177,26,17,364,140,253,0.17300000000000001,0.5670000000000001,0.261,0.9755,1,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,0,5,15,22,1,1,11,0,24,3,0,0,1,43,37,21,3,6,12,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,1,2,9,11,1,0,9,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,2,6,33,16,23,30,4,22,0,3,1,0,10,7,0,9,15,135,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803724908888616,0.0,0.09945018442075684,0.0,0.0,0.07942261520111188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414102119403497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172824133140838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193724601730726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783653953918566,0.0,0.0,0.12508446757174355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732483482159502,0.0,0.07929539103377001,0.0,0.10909347607116522,0.0,0.0,0.17108068775414426,0.1008031999692454,0.10307386845630097,0.10376361902210604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162460915883346,0.08296540413619595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655969888550082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362586845812652,0.0,0.20086771925038804,0.14190210779785656,0.09535850965915378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767309531201619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286162869568155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970737350203008,0.0,0.0,0.09864275749107036,0.09780581823414884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458123290403805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014951515148804,0.1940822584769644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138077359005005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364122723166686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672987918570644,0.0755339565714918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688529023589495,0.17343702751298926,0.0,0.21803731577955693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503157536945213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362408905448932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125051658826108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914164064989243,0.0,0.0,0.1121983105724224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841497493137941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029606255167171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727019999180555,0.0,0.09360373729786717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531301664057535,0.0,0.12727479771861236,0.0975770306840811,0.0,0.05791170007057873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194573584624801,0.0,0.0,0.07966494935374248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,8_string_menace,2019/08/23,"Anger / rage problems I need to do something about my anger. stuff like mindfulness and meditation don’t work. being stuck in my head makes it worse because all I can focus on is what made me angry to begin with, or when that isn’t enough, my brain drags up other memories to fuel the rage, usually ones that involve me feeling powerless or frustrated, from years and years ago. I used to self medicate, but can’t do that, and the AD’s and Valium I’ve been prescribed do pretty much zero for it. Distracting myself doesn’t work because if I start to do that with say playing guitar or video games etc then get interrupted, you guessed it, rage!

It feels like every day I’m slipping more and more while Waiting to see therapist and doctors to proceed to the next treatment plan because the last one didn’t work. 

I lashed out at a wardrobe door today because my toddler wouldn’t stop screaming at me and I couldn’t work out what was wrong. My wife hasn’t spoken to me since she saw the dent in the wood, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to let me near him now. Usual bedtime routine is i read to him and then lie on the floor next to his bed until he falls asleep. She refused to let me do that even when he was asking for me, and hasn’t said two words to me since. my brain is screaming at me that she is going to leave me or kick me out of the house as well.

The worst part of all of it though is I feel almost like I want to stay in a state of rage, angry at everything, just to revel in it and see what happens. Which is:

A) dumb because I am not the hulk
B) self destructive in the worst and most literal way
C) did I mention dumb? 

I need help, but I don’t think I’m going to get the right help anytime soon, so I’m hoping someone has some ideas",5.436016483516481,4.75219001923077,5.868989010989015,85.40101098901103,67.76373626373626,8.818461538461538,29.463736263736266,7.908726449838941,1.6691389010989006,1373,41,301,14,20,443,191,364,0.207,0.6970000000000001,0.096,-0.9933,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,5,10,24,10,1,15,0,32,6,4,3,3,54,63,28,0,9,9,1,3,3,0,1,2,4,2,2,18,17,0,3,5,5,0,3,12,17,1,4,9,10,39,7,46,49,12,46,0,0,3,0,22,18,2,10,25,198,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559937651140609,0.0,0.09669627195831818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027558814328196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943267746697252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559778412448974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227667676230249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883875082295318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997778435900103,0.10769591650680356,0.06378051796399442,0.0,0.08136049136247953,0.0,0.08678673044609769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647906176402753,0.06898632157898868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009028433340712,0.0,0.10976065335424454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063776449477364,0.0,0.0853924402005286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910393154031064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294514676717095,0.0,0.0,0.09591120379143464,0.0,0.11142347502499447,0.0,0.1090105518440892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871366719041001,0.0,0.1022487867908532,0.0,0.19748927225837404,0.0,0.14153089024380064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137249053811017,0.06445813614529194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727945384147793,0.0,0.0,0.09750349877238587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709866599169185,0.14320400062026098,0.0,0.0,0.20539673883511966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087039139806206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457088844881246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648339990622385,0.0,0.09240002027219994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659150469967967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246630069436328,0.09185578272207244,0.0767926602518377,0.0,0.0,0.15390019942310432,0.0,0.20147748778280927,0.0,0.0,0.1597597484164691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181952695476971,0.07434074169128604,0.0,0.0,0.06834946784348725,0.10292583890746,0.0,0.08073297552046743,0.0,0.0,0.11054424872245848,0.0,0.0,0.09101172100169999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211984052473907,0.0,0.06187519171191305,0.09487498842630362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153268226333797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433033766797126,0.0,0.0,0.08340147751400588,0.2127062308365,0.0,0.11391351752729295,0.07664909813162106,0.0,0.0,0.08682386712687626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812029657663828,0.0,0.0984083646310248,0.0,0.10557907600326943,0.0,0.12436986804684515
bpd,ocinthcenk,2019/08/23,"it just doesnt stop i lost everything i had in the last 4 months. i got in an argument with a friend who was really disrespectful, all my friends dropped me afterwards. i could never really identify with them but it still hurts. my girlfriend, who was the only person who ever took me the way i am, left also two months ago. the situation with my friends kind of calmed down a bit but i just heard that they re still talking about me... i know i am not an easy person but i never thought things were so bad. i just feel that so many people are frustrated by me an reduce their agression on me. why is that? i dont even know what im doing wrong, it just fucking hurts so bad. i feel so damn out of place and lonley. i lose control over everything.",2.001926691729324,3.94900857236842,3.3942857142857146,90.06500000000004,78.40789473684211,6.974436090225563,22.04135338345865,7.957251820313856,0.9532748120300759,581,17,126,10,14,190,95,152,0.242,0.674,0.084,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,3,14,15,3,0,9,0,12,1,0,1,4,25,22,9,0,1,8,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,11,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,10,0,1,9,3,24,5,13,12,2,22,0,4,0,1,14,8,2,0,11,91,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716756613917867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570246816921013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072573614918448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430382728157978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482485427982926,0.1055331472715696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491129352421945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730213187874812,0.11956230741056828,0.0,0.0,0.23758560853983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366604490750095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30636051617940885,0.12219616444143153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057145905874455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28299794794987304,0.0,0.1427746102793537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764274652137595,0.1452828270402901,0.10774247643451867,0.0,0.0,0.14361147034199034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787304947127236,0.14428758610757444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340074533959389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110059766149141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388719928414645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052710578687717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163538246034368,0.2308249587807267,0.1380975759742127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935285324079832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857328580723786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111458236382286,0.11050648537897484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623943773831633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781299829784989,0.0,0.0,0.10493433857423487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685430097684662,0.0,0.0,0.12911841800822396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491651505952757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926982574280355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445155779712728,0.0,0.0
bpd,sdfashhweahwherhjxc,2019/08/23,"I hate randomly feeling hopeful & an hour if not minutes after, doom. I'm constantly feeling shitty, but jesus, I hate those randomly appearing phases of some sort of hopeful feeling, like I suddenly know or think of plans for the future, I should do that and that, feeling of ""wooo i can do anything"" and just a couple minutes after if not an hour I'm back with overwhelming feeling of doom. Like, what was I thinking earlier? In the end nothing ever matters, not like I will even live long, that I should end it, and other negative shit. I wonder if that bit of feeling that hope is how normal people usually feel. I hadn't felt genuinely happy in years, it's either depressed or suicidal. Just wanted to rant.",5.747333333333334,6.791421511111113,6.6051851851851815,74.42333333333336,67.22222222222223,9.25925925925926,34.25925925925926,9.444778638647367,3.4307037037037045,564,26,94,11,9,187,85,135,0.228,0.569,0.203,-0.907,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,3,1,5,0,9,1,1,1,1,43,30,10,1,10,12,0,8,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,12,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,3,8,10,7,13,24,3,17,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,14,17,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436565336877755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964529559849384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024534555470432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454637414641496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398527421329652,0.0,0.0,0.14742769835586728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475955113197785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602246090117415,0.0,0.0,0.08800386642621197,0.12052334925317774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715915840788463,0.09518679407558714,0.12793144461548112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183662366238628,0.0,0.2630941385286942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970126162351095,0.2624294289669137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322530521152426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528323001750444,0.0,0.11765349882890835,0.11791334524491595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054706332522453,0.12784752319767012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237194767654934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676910543091364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457431049216171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074982393794375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674520781663802,0.0,0.07858849614760963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449326554740774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580229201978959
bpd,RoxiRainyDay,2019/08/23,"I cry when I think about it. This is a bit of a vent post. I'm in a low place.

I was thinking about killing myself and what would happen after. 

My bills would go unpaid, any visitors wouldn't be able to enter. My dad's the guarantor so I guess the payments would be put on him. He'd wanna know what was up so maybe he'd break in if he couldn't get keys.

I don't have that great a relationship with my dad but for a moment I thought that maybe in that moment, if he saw my lifeless corpse he might care enough to show it.

It makes me think that maybe I don't want to die I just want to be loved by the people in my life in a way that they don't currently express. Maybe these suicidal thoughts are the only way my fucked up head knows how to remind itself that deep down people care and it bring tears to my because it's not enough.

It's horrible and painful that I feel people will only care for me once I'm dead, but it's even worse when I know it won't matter when I'm dead. The love I desperately seek I can never know.

The truth is no one can care enough, no one could possibly fulfill that desperate love enough to satisfy this illness and I feel as if I'm constant state of ""too little too late""",2.556450428396573,3.488580968992249,3.701138310893516,92.71283353733172,74.58139534883722,6.981966544267647,22.10607915136679,7.273561745256523,0.4376480620155037,942,22,222,10,19,306,134,258,0.226,0.613,0.161,-0.9378,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,0,12,13,2,0,12,0,25,8,1,2,2,39,57,16,5,12,7,2,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,22,5,0,0,11,1,1,4,10,4,0,2,5,3,27,9,27,38,5,32,0,1,1,4,14,13,1,5,10,140,49,1,0.09301966518441873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325656210564046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056703924519104124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015533824993243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793589923648802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052121222288736,0.0,0.07426863357071385,0.0,0.10217773433810634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653972655027114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38445671943748494,0.0,0.0614386115649524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406707529091322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599518156407952,0.048598935813761436,0.0,0.05286521936333055,0.0,0.0,0.10255450925408742,0.10247164833041884,0.0,0.08225698272041962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546501265326904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291247751657756,0.0,0.2044847012438052,0.0,0.10493023397945167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570254043807326,0.0,0.09323014165765274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25186163867741984,0.0,0.062091348820137275,0.0,0.37380302548211264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986791649848708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174250027068378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906290758794943,0.1260650649936375,0.14149129399879642,0.09897948213025454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346437071225986,0.0,0.09718575189120368,0.0,0.0,0.10486569603391216,0.08908712623627912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351045571426074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986830877016872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174841600916652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880973644214854,0.0,0.14769444751799946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097308171643835,0.14766936102874065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479498571524428,0.19823550384730612,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trap-door-spider,2019/08/23,"Im really struggling just now Hi guys

Just had a really crappy few weeks. I'm on new meds and they've been fucking me up a bit in general. A few months ago I lost my Gran, and now my grandad is really Ill in hospital. Last week my dog suddenly got Ill and it was very close to the end. Now today I've suddenly lost my job.

I just want to cry and curl up in bed forever. I just can't cope with all of this at once. My bf is away for the weekend so it's just me and the dog, I really feel a breakdown coming. Life's kicking me hard right now,and so far it's winning",-0.0056561679790014825,1.543194622047242,2.8461614173228367,93.50708989501312,83.09448818897637,7.067979002624672,20.03215223097113,8.07648339933343,0.6847695538057743,435,12,109,9,12,154,79,127,0.175,0.7859999999999999,0.039,-0.9461,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,10,5,1,1,7,0,6,4,0,0,1,17,14,7,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,4,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,6,2,12,1,13,8,4,26,0,2,0,1,3,11,1,0,14,60,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519446746827816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104539255528974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713538920604267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765458782435614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882859006068103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181843474373555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667007593841737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846583713689105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370922824918334,0.0,0.0,0.16972290709295348,0.0,0.0,0.15354974416416312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515227743220405,0.0,0.17009803418255814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972207557775734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210719936067753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742286548111261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903979335043032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368178734496861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554890274680528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254611821990768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392386910505187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463832534998408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919501039199326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247669312745613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414312498818316,0.101102093660399,0.0,0.27498961947239603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shydolly,2019/08/23,How to stop lashing out and arguing online all day???? This is so pathetic lmao but I don't work because I'm not stable enough so I spend most of my day on my phone. On some days like today I get sick of the every day harassment I get from strangers over how I dress and when I snap I lash out and go insane on posts trying to make other people hurt like how they hurt me. And just in general I'm always fighting online and I can't keep this up it's bad for me but I can't make myself stop.......,0.6294444444444451,2.2568837962962967,2.8257037037037063,94.03966666666668,81.4074074074074,5.801481481481483,18.20740740740741,6.742157984588678,-0.11683259259259238,382,8,90,4,10,130,70,108,0.311,0.618,0.071,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,5,1,23,12,13,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,15,2,14,12,4,18,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,2,10,57,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638078453646722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437444814751415,0.120007366027885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078477791631686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034146606372453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586765302106882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570817022736487,0.0,0.11188318593613768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42149712428367575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498307917519965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235705358213284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628184658546109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364817323569818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854270594635128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32917670350164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660545096885447,0.0,0.0,0.1336587346096797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433204101067649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeatBPD,2019/08/23,"DAE feel like they are acting all of the time? My life has been a series of unrelated periods. Stories with clear beginnings and finite endings, almost as if they didn't actually happen to me. As if I have been playing different roles in unrelated films for my entire life. All headlined by the same actor, but all different characters. A bullied child, outcast high schooler, loner college kid, disciplined bodybuilder, ladies man, intelligent graduate student, battered spouse, snowboarder, hard partying bad boy, weed smoking slacker, artist, etc. Each with different values, beliefs, goals and aspirations; all careful to cultivate the exact image that character should display. In reality I still feel like a lost child. Scared and alone, trying desperately to method act my way through life.

My behaviors and personality ebb and flow like water, allowing me to fill whatever cavity I can. The costars along my life's filmography all probably feel they know me as an individual; unique with wants, desires, morals, values and abilities. Yet they only see the character I have presented myself as. They dont see the internal turmoil, self hatred, suffocating doubt, the constant fear of being found out as the imposter I am. I've been putting in oscar worthy performances. I know how to fake self confidence, passion, happiness, love, compassion etc. Not to say that I don't feel those emotions but that I am careful, methodical even, in how I express them. Careful to not let anyone see too much in fear that they will want nothing to do with the true me; I know I don't. I even fake sadness at times. Careful to let others see just enough to respond without actually letting them see the full weight of existential grief that I combat every day. Like a crescent moon shining while death, darkness and emptiness engulfs the rest of my unseen being.

I dont even recognize my own natural voice. I change speech patterns, inflections, cadence on a whim based on the situation or who I am talking too. Always the same for that specific situation, but lacking any semblance of consistency across time or space. I tell lies and warp my personality to best fit in and be accepted in whatever the current situation is. I feel like a chameleon, able to disguise myself and blend in wherever, but I never feel like I truly belong. Inevitably I reveal small parts of my true self, my emotional turmoil, over time. Eventually I reach a boiling point where I feel as if I have been discovered, like a spotlight has been shined on my true self, or just get bored of playing the same part for so long. At that point the story ends and I move on to my next role, wherever I can find an opening.",7.954578182606809,8.816574559748428,7.943485867129329,67.40792452830189,62.31236897274633,11.191469673968044,38.88014169016121,10.996428447227288,4.684879187450301,2143,107,340,55,29,692,264,477,0.157,0.6459999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.9398,4,1,2,0,0,0,71.0,0,0,8,4,13,34,0,6,26,0,31,9,0,3,11,74,58,31,2,8,15,1,9,7,0,2,4,3,0,11,10,19,3,1,15,5,0,6,9,13,0,0,8,19,52,21,55,42,20,51,2,3,7,2,29,26,0,8,25,232,62,4,0.06943489297175168,0.0,0.13551687887340613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952901546169993,0.07191360865066139,0.0,0.0,0.057775393265800966,0.0,0.0,0.04721810824472658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855049160752402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797523533399565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286763638138252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28317400391094105,0.0,0.07345291002586306,0.0,0.0,0.07503445210482279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044779761761404004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176340540755444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275435487758788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620981782425514,0.12299741160972227,0.07174480555667499,0.1548765198970909,0.1375832758553103,0.0,0.05850189203107859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562671172850837,0.24575857720132024,0.1984172056510681,0.0,0.0,0.06346223425703316,0.0,0.0,0.0761317762411637,0.0,0.0,0.03627686575821813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614010465426645,0.07391473470501811,0.06220002569979869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336177666481496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144788038938448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300564726463286,0.19617567335875424,0.2374566698985681,0.0,0.0,0.06144769529134277,0.0,0.0,0.07579638791832563,0.0,0.0626677018262226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379830264375542,0.05104263561541866,0.0,0.053552469985187694,0.0,0.07384479639714417,0.0,0.0,0.06662465247581494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528083649611261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038244541496465,0.0,0.0,0.12125574062852135,0.0,0.0,0.1312768343982158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748625584508677,0.0,0.0,0.06980124548273489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521741380367441,0.06951644087973897,0.0,0.27665309966293955,0.0,0.2897429462280389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341431867246651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055450795219948605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580913682369454,0.0606891569241031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195217788978553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714173450174067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190899774156644,0.05511418611273965,0.0,0.08455299377051724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693275903483471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kytothemoonandback,2019/08/23,"I may possible sent away to a facility I'm a little nervous, I start seeing a new psychiatrist next week, and also start EMDR next Friday. My current therapist told me that since my mental health is declining so badly, she wants to put in a referral for me to go to an out of state facility. It's not a psychiatric facility, I will be able to go ""home"" at the end of the day. I will have to provide my own place to live. But they will be monitoring my behavior, sleeps (some nights), and other things of that nature. I am very nervous about this because I don't know what to expect. My diagnoses keep changing or are ranked even worse than what they first started as. I didn't think it would come this far when I first started therapy, but I trust my therapist. She has also talked with her higher ups who have more experience, and they have agreed with her decision to mention the facility to me. 

If anyone could send positivity, input, or advice, please do. I need it more than you know.",4.906289358310083,5.817071051813475,6.218652849740933,76.92055799123159,69.05181347150258,9.669031486648066,28.83579115185333,9.851270322608157,2.668002311677959,775,27,151,18,13,262,124,193,0.039,0.884,0.077,0.8792,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,3,3,6,4,0,2,9,0,18,3,1,0,0,25,35,13,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,7,0,1,4,0,0,6,3,3,0,2,3,1,27,1,25,24,4,30,0,0,1,0,14,8,0,5,15,111,39,0,0.13094091453846415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795394623379222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094268040975207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915569319732019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302329952021497,0.0,0.1093301942339634,0.07982036615301896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851812543602446,0.11279400357395075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045456654997755,0.0,0.0,0.08444605740572317,0.0,0.0,0.13290227197194346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597478495857355,0.0,0.0,0.08648523911947897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808534001019875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227565500304408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488334785335377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918406908117814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134441355167176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638630121339145,0.0,0.0,0.1439234044591761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123719578006454,0.1156232264862259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195764422299258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709102898396753,0.0,0.12646355120573247,0.2785142962078885,0.12287917811353558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680538633968425,0.1437338033445771,0.0,0.14761620690818286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316317852344285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434295590980096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831567761229274,0.0,0.13103547850096625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707226130380537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524534715232936,0.0,0.0,0.14974234738859085,0.30406498809852645,0.08699132532222477,0.0839016508738504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511965519111895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803996773616133,0.07723234395689982,0.0,0.10503290340854686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343997850998388,0.09301666880975276,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NotALizard__,2019/08/23,"Splitting I have been seeing a new person for a few weeks and he's not giving me the same attention he did in the beginning, not that he's lost interest, things are just getting more comfortable. The more this happens the more annoyed and agitated I get and I'm really fighting the urge to say ""fuck you, bye."" How do I combat the splitting to get back to a normal place? He's not doing anything wrong, I just need constant attention and I can feel the anger outburst coming.",5.413225806451613,6.1258642473118305,6.188333333333336,78.30250000000002,67.81720430107526,9.210752688172043,31.62903225806452,9.2995712137729,2.8036967741935483,377,15,70,7,6,124,62,93,0.20199999999999999,0.688,0.109,-0.8583,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,8,4,0,10,0,7,1,0,1,0,17,20,5,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,3,7,2,5,17,5,8,0,1,1,1,10,2,1,0,6,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945381869071484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817780633058706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036388500446553,0.0,0.25546590060146696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953163702828698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854925960246466,0.3705298801532551,0.22677773767742465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090489530193582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25806002387866633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528862231567754,0.0,0.2283179187199828,0.0,0.0,0.23162315233605635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641656008555104,0.24698911884853045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144477265929696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799585990890305,0.0,0.0,0.1883812869342925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570545675405878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896269215494668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584677899753718,0.0,0.0
bpd,cglez1280,2019/08/23,College life I just moved into my first college apartment but can’t find anything or the willpower to cook or move. I haven’t eaten in 3 days. I really am not ready to be an adult. I’ve been keeping busy with tinder and bumble. They keep me busy because I get attention but now it’s just getting me less and less interested. So now I’m in this state of I have no idea what to do. I feel empty but I don’t have the will power to fix it which also makes me feel suicidal. If I reach out to my friends i feel as though they’ll just hate me so I’m stuck in this strange loop of not knowing what to do,0.39907222548443855,2.2240492595419847,2.3919083969465653,95.86188490898418,83.12213740458016,5.252143276570758,20.763945977686433,6.297961479604792,0.016044744568408653,467,14,111,4,13,156,82,131,0.18100000000000002,0.76,0.059000000000000004,-0.955,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,2,9,3,1,0,3,0,12,3,0,1,0,26,26,13,1,1,11,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,5,2,2,7,1,0,2,6,1,0,1,3,3,17,2,15,20,2,13,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,4,76,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728728375220809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789130902922204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177657223378514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941319139341934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279094925180439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757748283411994,0.18387597063487615,0.0,0.0,0.16701411251779655,0.0,0.2258821141591208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213425302222578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24403211151019025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842875839348546,0.0,0.0,0.11880259273359378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268882426407654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429662818370378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595136948607465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848545255977876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364573105938698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123880978814723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trashyberries,2019/08/23,"I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of holding back. And then I let it slip and feel even worse. I'm more on the quiet side. I try so hard to just take time and deal with my shit, just shut up and suffer in silence. Sometimes I don't want to stay quiet even though I know it won't do any good to lash out on others or myself. But I feel like a prisoner, having to be constantly in control, constantly strong, and whenever I don't self harm or do anything that makes me feel ""better"" in such moments, I feel like just letting go, show the fucking monster that I am and get it over with, throw a tantrum, say my shityy and nasty thoughts, because everyone around me thinks I'm fine when I'm not fine at all. Most times I just control it, and today is one of those days I really don't want to. I have nothing to make it stop. Nothing to deal with it, lying down won't help me rn. Speaking about it won't.  Validating my feelings won't. I just want anyone to see that I'm not ok, that I need help. That I'm not strong and not normal and not anything good.",3.683706563706565,3.786841900900904,4.733024453024452,89.37243243243246,71.43243243243244,7.604118404118402,26.66795366795367,7.1686216300943375,1.0488818532818531,810,24,186,7,14,266,117,222,0.215,0.708,0.077,-0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,5,14,15,3,0,4,1,16,4,1,4,1,49,42,17,0,5,13,0,6,2,0,4,2,4,0,1,14,15,0,4,8,1,0,2,12,5,0,1,1,11,21,10,26,34,3,27,0,1,1,1,7,13,2,3,13,116,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971536261133291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196474164939649,0.0,0.19292836277151096,0.10435293374679264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013691527339156,0.0,0.07145778641869918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367383103285817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253351893171055,0.262950144209254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559885559070621,0.24170263057139385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484879469288462,0.0,0.0,0.11201118246298727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29635625012626426,0.16748764493936255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083703706464432,0.061243951014110565,0.0,0.06662028397998859,0.1966414486097798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500839164066747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571436261422746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442245502094131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23973602559364465,0.0,0.11453804633799253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649394217655885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691904518463144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148532230885349,0.22495642152528514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943304247080625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509577554921744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322008711163292,0.0,0.0,0.09341120589956473,0.0,0.12228869855890286,0.0,0.12032727644391887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159361122359744,0.0,0.0,0.12494365525983595,0.0,0.09800331159408167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813677889045521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511148516691071,0.11517057303147067,0.09306162117944113,0.1367068383941575,0.2694601841954237,0.11111328330295199,0.0,0.0,0.0795864256241806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074227144676757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945980635822465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DrS4muelHayd3n,2019/08/23,"Officially diagnosed yesterday. Finding this sub, I feel like the Bee Girl from the Blind Melon video. I don't even know where to begin.

Decades lost, spent angrily and violently lashing out over the most inconsequential things and never really understanding why or where it came from. Mood swings that were seemingly instantaneous, practically unable to control even in the slightest. Unsure of decision making, feeling like whichever choice I make will be the wrong one. Never feeling like I'm good enough at anything I try to do, regardless of context; deep down not believing positive feedback and nearly wanting to break down when I attempt to. Always trying to please everyone and avoid confrontation in all it's forms, since even the idea of it causes extreme physical discomfort, usually resulting in a shutdown. Overbearing anxiety in the face of romantic rejection, wanting desperately to make connections and simultaneously being terrified of losing them. Sacrificing the things I've wanted in order to make others happy, and feeling like I don't really *deserve* to be happy at all.

""You're too sensitive.""
""You just need to let it go and get over it.""
""There's nothing wrong with you, you just need to work on being confident.""
""That isn't worth getting so angry over.""
""I think you like being angry and miserable.""

Years. Fucking *years* I've spent, lost and will never reclaim not understanding why I've felt the way I have for so long. Even now after piecing together the roadmap for how my life went off the rails as an adolescent, still at 40 it did not help to actually solve anything.

After years of therapy, some of which was very helpful and was a large part of the reason I went into recovery and now have six years sober from booze and pot, it still felt like I was spinning my wheels from an emotional and psychological standpoint. Just talking about things wasn't changing anything.

I finally went to a proper psychiatrist yesterday, and it took less than 30 minutes of life story brushstrokes for her to have me pegged. I started Lamactil and Effexor as of this morning. I used to think that medication was a crutch and I didn't need it, trying to beat myself into believing the bullshit lines above which were constantly thrown at me. Now, I can't wait to see what the meds can do.

I found this community after searching for Effexor, and I'm very thankful I did. Even just skimming the posts, I knew I was finally in the right place.

I look forward to being a part of it.",6.152380392156861,8.13558274,6.511320261437912,71.95317647058825,67.15555555555554,9.916339869281046,33.45751633986928,10.194018383442646,3.835096732026143,2003,91,325,52,34,646,239,450,0.129,0.777,0.095,-0.9542,0,1,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,4,1,7,23,23,3,3,23,0,30,8,1,10,5,73,76,24,0,7,8,0,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,1,23,22,1,3,18,1,3,7,12,12,0,2,24,9,31,10,66,43,10,62,0,5,3,1,10,27,1,4,32,231,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.07389435985121076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300729084111338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792760162439815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693980762455792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062693792588113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660651140078765,0.0,0.07778799565440142,0.08010449784104166,0.0,0.0,0.08182925774510724,0.08492936387921353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685687143638857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517776225779647,0.0,0.07824171458689731,0.0,0.25007040156372723,0.0,0.0,0.0723562141602753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315053965407596,0.21638503656431204,0.145411191697788,0.16590087097008208,0.06920910832859084,0.0,0.0,0.0830259509582079,0.0,0.07000434755443731,0.07912389349273567,0.0,0.043034913381681784,0.06351254604913012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121628685683154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015105600802834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854816277588839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041615174929219435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743151544498199,0.1069702602490362,0.22196550098209625,0.0,0.0,0.067012141153689,0.06358793460529617,0.08471424939105217,0.16532038254779632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218176339053434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841107670366066,0.0762825792658863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684421030926266,0.17520587195798487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265790189292587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051311611091321915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400044967356697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911402742561274,0.08312070426493083,0.0,0.0,0.07252134403627465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970197064023786,0.07785547110863189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646667088585148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034112907674969,0.06893503476310532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263853871926821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053596864421630586,0.0,0.12094437386936527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086297845286095,0.0,0.0697152203607432,0.08659542211782151,0.0,0.1509202440372738,0.09704000238421176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413062367742744,0.15423207746111106,0.0,0.0,0.1576598483257109,0.0,0.06540003637069691,0.08339777452170938,0.12495819352196876,0.13398950015270208,0.060105095916883615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058689879027426,0.13665578411928395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512697357663979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655816087775864,0.0,0.19505155390841888
bpd,NidhiDharmavaram,2019/08/23,"DAE feel like millions for you's are trying to live your life? DAE notice how different people make you feel differently and that sort of gets you to have an internal clash of what you want to do and how you want to be? 
I feel like pieces of me are being 'split' and the need to 'switch' myself according to who I hangout with is magnifying..",3.932941176470589,5.197191117647058,4.811058823529415,84.79276470588236,71.6470588235294,8.381176470588235,23.894117647058824,8.841846274778883,1.46392,268,7,56,5,5,87,47,68,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.7149,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,3,0,14,15,5,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,10,2,11,13,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250289135241641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811356092120797,0.359002076961219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127359706644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747320337962671,0.2455070434676336,0.0,0.22186822684558366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771878992499306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630698258409395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286062520824541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419286672529796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058984922347287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29640070995401463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babbletea,2019/08/23,"Get Jealous Because Friends Have New Friends?? DAE gets really jealous when their friends start hanging out with other people more? Like I understand they need a social life as well. But I wish they don't have to hangout with others. Seeing them posting pictures or videos with someone else made my heart hurts. 

Context: My friends are either living very far away or busy traveling for work. So it made perfect sense for them to develop new friendships. I'm unemployed. I'm in a new city. I'm strongly afraid of abandonment.

So they start communicating with you less and less. I'm having horrible anxiety just thinking about it. It made my stomach churn. I felt physically sick. 

What can I do to stop my anxiety and just let me friend be themselves? I want to be chill and cool, but I don't know how.",3.290700000000001,6.0521857200000015,3.6422500000000007,85.64737500000003,78.46666666666667,6.683333333333334,28.70833333333333,7.865858978985527,2.0902333333333334,638,29,116,11,16,198,100,150,0.109,0.73,0.161,0.737,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,6,3,8,15,2,1,2,1,11,4,2,4,1,29,30,12,0,3,7,0,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,3,0,2,2,5,1,0,4,3,18,10,16,23,4,14,0,2,1,0,13,4,0,2,8,71,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494022015900404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584887057902533,0.0,0.0,0.08165366210090204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189664649500304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286114080527386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174407589467497,0.0,0.13996495364490513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872942258835152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339446361469205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361450217850536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697124839927985,0.09461167073707244,0.06544039076847571,0.0,0.11827883435692906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802354615591224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932099357309103,0.0,0.3881044115396773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286291021697167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828547873766233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581073371027892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673948110103933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365434596035151,0.1134939900509774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961864269165465,0.0,0.0,0.11198680634722964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582868483749892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944494127173387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052140505104928,0.0790061988017932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043564022720905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403397535532135,0.0,0.0,0.09751598361304968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,O-c_D,2019/08/23,"Relationship Sometimes I think I wasn't meant to be in a romantic relationship ever. 

Just now, broke up with a friend (let's call him X) who I was dating because I don't know how to do this. Lost my temper, broke glasses. Left him crying. And all the time my brain is building up alternative explanations about how I am not the wrong person. It won't stop. 

Here me out:  I don't know if it is cheating but X and me were not exclusively dating then (atleast not in my head), just goofing around so I went out with a couple of other guys as well. BUT I hid it because I knew X won't like it. Anyways once things were serious, I straightened out, got into a proper relationship with him and took care of him as he took care of me. Eventually I didn't think it was working out so around a month and a half ago we broke up and agreed to remain friends. In the meantime I reached out to the guy I previously had seen. I'd left him suddenly but with explanations. It didn't go the right way. 

Fast forward to today, I went to see X, decided to get a couple of beers from the supermarket, left my phone at his place. I remembered it when I was in the elevator but I decided to trust him. (He has gone through my phone twice on previous occasions but because I was 'guilty' of 'cheating' I hadn't made a big deal out if it then). Anyways, I come back home, his mood is off so I am 100% sure he has gone through my phone. 

So, I decide to tell him, yes I did go out with someone else. Because he put his hand into a hornets' nest by looking into my phone. It's a huge privacy violation! 

So fight ensues, things break, I leave. And I leave with a sense of doom that I'll always be alone. Please tell me I am wrong.",1.6598450854700848,3.480026632478633,3.5470717592592607,89.16838541666668,78.97150997150997,6.780662393162394,23.78926282051281,7.756953410329674,1.0498297008547013,1312,45,293,21,32,442,170,351,0.107,0.748,0.146,0.9579,0,1,1,0,1,0,45.0,1,0,0,2,20,22,5,0,18,1,28,4,3,3,3,55,52,25,0,2,12,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,3,15,26,1,1,10,1,0,11,11,13,1,2,24,4,48,8,50,23,1,57,1,5,3,0,33,30,0,2,17,197,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689367566035186,0.0,0.0,0.10152483686498937,0.0,0.0,0.0815650540444281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452692395436564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537554524136136,0.0,0.2390216970134187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094288573720374,0.10009497747313063,0.0,0.19988702479888515,0.0,0.0,0.08444027334922102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692666368192906,0.1076763895339034,0.0,0.10105996810703063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188771222010742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866966092814695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514684891346681,0.0,0.05121426872022702,0.0,0.11142028133302076,0.0,0.07839993310231244,0.0,0.0,0.19412127831207712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060242533170774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832755139261366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774448311798364,0.0,0.0,0.20758966427483205,0.31951492045622754,0.10023769722044318,0.0,0.04789029925985869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231671689762964,0.0,0.10700639368196536,0.0,0.0,0.09275408163795626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824300486276475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439393958868637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559207024400155,0.10241576548521927,0.10760254321482594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854268466810642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31572804937068605,0.1110437626742223,0.0837132263982111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811361809950074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830566731633124,0.0,0.0969497086343038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195369260704664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238785711200094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135718459420238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024754962977653,0.12562154209898102,0.0,0.0,0.057159447108482,0.0,0.09291669553051844,0.0,0.2178198356233135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780806524706492,0.0,0.0,0.08813668109714536,0.18174120858691947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136371869127217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435095349147268,0.0,0.0
bpd,mlpsjp,2019/08/23,"Self-care with an infant My BPD (specifically splitting and extreme sensitivities to any emotion) is raging today and my 3 month old is very demanding with the constant need to be in my arms or worn, like in a wrap or baby carrier. Any ideas on some self care I can work on today to help calm my nerves while not having the use of my arms😬😬😬😬😬? 
I ask about self care bc I cant think of any other coping mechanisms that will help today. I’m far removed from my DBT therapy years ago.",4.663235294117649,4.421740617647057,6.194901960784314,80.92705882352944,69.29411764705883,9.15294117647059,27.784313725490197,8.841846274778883,1.8755372549019604,381,11,82,6,6,131,70,102,0.08800000000000001,0.754,0.158,0.813,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,4,0,7,1,1,1,0,12,15,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,4,13,12,1,16,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,10,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374891529837852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164253899766561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450000532104226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534637526557855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162750053234001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761087819597212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446962038037833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20792409206765186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509202812174354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757753269307529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380146637525902,0.0,0.0,0.11500665981221007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275415444477495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854177145239178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773734132372332,0.0,0.0,0.0993835241083406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410575684407011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395890213603284,0.0,0.1279759411923282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291658641519595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988103016257001
bpd,isaudrey,2019/08/23,"SaD bad girl It hurts so much, but I can't say the words not out out loud. All I can do is try to fight off my thoughts and urge to self harm. 

My fp cares a lot and he does his best.  
I don't wanna speak in fear ill say something wrong.
 Now I feel it's gotten worse because people keep showing up when I'm sad. The self hanterad i feel for being sad in the first place pisses me off.
Odds are they might stay all day all night.

I'm so stupid for being lonely when hugged or have a ton of friends over and around but I do.

All I can do is cry and hide like a little bitch I'm my room thinking to myself I wish I didn't have to be second fiddle, or be stuck in a never ending quest to find someone like me.

I'd hang myself right now if I knew I could get away with it.",-0.588664097623635,1.1394341445086729,1.322495183044314,102.69937540141301,86.16763005780348,3.844444444444445,14.235388567758507,3.1291,-1.5602187540141297,589,8,153,0,18,193,110,173,0.299,0.575,0.127,-0.9894,0,2,1,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,1,2,7,19,4,1,7,0,19,3,1,0,5,32,33,13,0,4,6,0,2,2,1,1,1,4,1,3,3,8,0,1,6,1,0,1,5,13,0,2,5,6,20,6,21,22,8,26,0,5,0,1,11,15,2,5,11,97,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467591936793933,0.0,0.0,0.15269147889078394,0.0,0.1356961576392888,0.09906976809304036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055313732228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656984402593513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975779660469014,0.0,0.1785189390504715,0.10481098655346303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142221033014286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394315140649788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287849336697565,0.16434847170272332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485389631326631,0.13823815159163388,0.0,0.0,0.12556138860592508,0.0,0.0849092076336936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397941366767578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445390852145734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879665824024833,0.1628862303912168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816741549845069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240644406142205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194697958342426,0.0,0.12534428480055088,0.0,0.0,0.15251260130571254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266986370153972,0.0,0.16979724037558425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878990952232031,0.0,0.2584824656517989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390844752912728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770139617755064,0.12511467989082495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322309536374894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413529147136362,0.0,0.12902153412069606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033939231957964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688825245882268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562023406383974,0.0,0.17768846525870086,0.0,0.0
bpd,sedatedhorse,2019/08/23,"Issues with seeing and listening to people. I am very self centered, i feel trapped inside myself, i have trouble seeing people and listening to them. Remembering to aski them questions help tho. Anyone?",5.538823529411764,9.079973764705883,6.119117647058829,66.33102941176475,76.05882352941177,6.9294117647058835,29.088235294117645,8.07648339933343,3.096494117647058,164,7,19,3,4,53,25,34,0.166,0.7609999999999999,0.073,-0.5267,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103173865329616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520870334121855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161130319868045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139436639218686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170559092588997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369504745755716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34073323451844884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793768711362363,0.0,0.31378662295356563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24818092050119936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0173929377292019,2019/08/23,"Fell for the *sweetest* most loving and caring guy ever... ...but don’t worry guys, I immediately ruined it and ghosted him before he could leave me (which he showed no indication of doing. At all). Close call😄😄😄",1.3951219512195152,3.9669841219512207,4.0128780487804905,80.89736585365854,85.82926829268294,5.231219512195122,17.956097560975607,6.742157984588678,0.3126253658536582,163,4,30,2,5,57,37,41,0.2,0.638,0.163,0.0661,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,8,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,4,2,4,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548244147022291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057893548046354,0.0,0.305326630217171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391000827750956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708851042325511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5930389510785964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317092381182422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702807172663029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041233400046651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsviceroybitch,2019/08/23,"my favourite client very suddenly passed away last weekend.. and it’s the first client loss I’ve had to deal with.. I don’t know how to handle the grief? I work as a homecare and personal care support worker for vulnerable adults, and I had one client who I knew so well, I’d been visiting him every single day (except the occasional weekend off) for about 2 years. He passed away very suddenly last weekend and I just didn’t know what to feel- I was very spacey and dissociative over the last few days and today i finally got hit with some panic attacks and my heart just feels like it’s being weighed down. I could be myself around him and I know that he considered me to be a very close friend, so losing him feels like a huge impact on my work life and also I feel like I’ve lost a friend. Today I was working and after my first client I phoned my supervisor to tell her that I couldn’t do the rest of my shift, I had been sneaking away to the bathroom to cry in my last client and I knew that my next client was a long and very emotionally draining visit.
After me trying my best to keep it together and not to cry down the phone, she told me there was nobody to cover and I simply had to go to the 6 hour visit- a client who I’d never been to before and knew nothing about. So I went to the visit and I tried my best but I had to leave after just 2 hours because I kept running to the toilet to have full blown panic attacks. I just feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I can’t take this loss in a more professional way, but nobody at my work knows I have bpd (because I’m scared the stigma around it would affect how they view me etc) and so I just feel like such a liability- I can’t take time off work (which is what my supervisor suggested) because my partner has been unable to find work for months, mostly due to discrimination in her field, and so I’m the only one bringing money in right now... I just feel like I want to press pause on everything just so I can sit down and calm down and figure out a plan, but everything happens so fast and there’s too much to do, and too much on my mind for me to concentrate on anything helpful or productive :(  
I’m usually very proud of how I manage my bpd but today it got the best of me a bit and my emotions and thoughts are all scrambled",4.194661700382722,4.74141077754237,5.073064516129033,85.81004373974855,70.46186440677965,8.039475123018043,25.81902679059596,8.049812674583475,1.2926192454893384,1805,50,389,23,31,589,214,472,0.102,0.7979999999999999,0.1,-0.2964,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,18,30,27,2,5,23,0,31,3,1,4,2,77,65,43,1,4,14,0,8,5,3,1,1,0,0,3,15,31,1,2,17,3,1,10,7,12,1,4,24,9,59,15,60,34,15,70,0,5,1,0,27,26,0,3,37,264,74,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531081811919721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056916482541361876,0.1231421206590214,0.0,0.1573691858634708,0.19494694693476494,0.0,0.0,0.12648609446691994,0.0,0.05885388726836574,0.0,0.21775159722505646,0.0,0.07550971025481168,0.0,0.17422050930653504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051780770625736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522221775313782,0.0,0.15194789035047387,0.08921074916229474,0.07130555277354687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556014852073038,0.0,0.0,0.07713668979128645,0.0,0.0,0.0582740663439895,0.0,0.12432116874176412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448015121429939,0.24705562940931974,0.0,0.07576631868421503,0.06321509135922508,0.11766256068976058,0.0,0.0,0.10687262768659142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03930777388639625,0.0,0.1106343228081935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116193059049769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196025433772551,0.04635950010318444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622618216864096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147657713367364,0.0,0.0,0.15204398083504694,0.22551316429969365,0.0,0.0732352089479936,0.0,0.0,0.048852925125531584,0.1689513822920571,0.0,0.0,0.06120839767354345,0.0,0.07737737335464638,0.0755012117529601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983641889426209,0.0,0.05520643650405645,0.0,0.10168771747227708,0.0,0.05334391898203019,0.0,0.07355722037365085,0.0,0.0,0.06636519407711372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373529760061812,0.0526027117486637,0.0,0.16229925472031734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039176536565907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590660970371536,0.0,0.0,0.06924572090201585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848704426085269,0.0,0.0,0.10400617856093107,0.0,0.06045281330520363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054908879762832284,0.04033037065659905,0.0,0.19667954960201625,0.0660896347173411,0.0,0.09391629803924227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617491487559025,0.3424076892627039,0.04079500852746802,0.05489955327124419,0.0,0.0,0.06218718334248665,0.06411617568639041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30211543727390416,0.0,0.0,0.04913246967369202,0.0,0.0,0.044539664279223935
bpd,ihavenoclue9917,2019/08/23,"I hate this There’s a girl I met online that I’ve been mutually in love with for the last 5 years that lives in another country. For my birthday this year I decided to use my savings to fly over 6k miles to finally be with her (with her permission of course and her offering to have me stay with her). I’ve been here for about 3 days now and I can’t help but to constantly feel like she doesn’t love me anymore now that’s she’s spent time with me in person and that I’m not what she expected. I keep asking myself:

What if my body isn’t what she was expecting?
What if she was expecting me to be even taller? (I’m still way taller than her)
What if my in person voice isn’t what she thought?
What if I’ve come across as too forward or clingy?(we haven’t been too intimate which is very telling to me)
What if she sees red flags and is now turned off to me?
What if I’m just overall not good enough?

I hate feeling like this, I’ve been trying to keep extra distance from her recently because I feel like she’s just can’t wait for me to leave.  Idk how much of this is real or in my head but I had to let this out.",2.6806834268977298,3.3625423112033235,3.7952550646814736,93.10231388821093,74.02074688796681,7.662289480107398,24.134976812301684,7.928766900206844,0.8738950939711985,871,24,212,12,17,283,120,241,0.057,0.848,0.096,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,13,9,2,0,2,0,20,4,2,2,0,40,41,16,0,9,14,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,19,11,0,3,5,0,1,2,8,2,0,0,10,6,35,7,35,28,3,28,0,0,2,2,24,13,0,8,16,142,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809696325443794,0.0,0.0,0.14006693375902196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203543790222486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609540049340256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687998234386705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166124234931587,0.0,0.15262460399008254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108473792887528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593326437748708,0.0,0.0932842287955053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142376190651234,0.3026944282375182,0.0,0.15471577911833456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846101817696092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27888017663229714,0.14494761283624813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466668438643573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510718929979183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512518201355178,0.0,0.14954722108787707,0.0,0.14442211388443102,0.0,0.20700051314395754,0.0,0.12471288307031282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549397751537933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382380131902952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24664149435113605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160756080261475,0.0,0.0,0.13945228955066227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254582020455924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053746523402345,0.11279026399175715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344540783869948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212462556652412,0.08235512595343918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588913303028343,0.1536228653151154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219814883706609,0.0,0.11653347058953935,0.0,0.112105580752977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819011133258304
bpd,aoifenicfhionn,2019/08/23,"Nightmares coming off olanzapine Hi guys. I've been lowering my dose of olsnzapine the past few weeks and have been having really awful nightmares that leave me very upset when I wake up. Mostly deamons and bears attacking me and stuff like that. I just woke up from one where I was at a festival with my boyfriend and he broke up with me on the way home because he met someone else at the festival. Needless to say that hit pretty close to home. I'm currently waiting for him to wake up so o can have a phone call with him.

I was just wondering if anyone else has had bad nightmares coming off this drug?",5.084978991596638,6.026002235294119,5.580997899159668,81.54359768907563,68.66386554621849,8.975210084033613,29.160714285714285,9.188382445141503,2.34537731092437,482,17,94,9,8,155,81,119,0.14400000000000002,0.763,0.09300000000000001,-0.6794,2,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,5,1,10,4,2,0,0,16,18,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,1,5,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,7,1,11,3,18,10,2,18,0,1,0,0,10,11,0,3,5,62,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345139304672856,0.19711217791502916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21885572986107815,0.0,0.0,0.16062611348168215,0.11727076204042206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643763610353626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33143016977270545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309534721159174,0.0,0.32141130395403944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904827094808897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859380809511437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369864682082184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398530691934966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303591097429104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836448759202905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957157827482044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324113670513467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298529664774252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299975234226716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022475361637747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587305340463293,0.0,0.1526992941381707,0.15431260486108994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862381130783625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oriamurray,2019/08/23,My boyfriend is going to break up with me He’s telling me on Saturday and doesn’t want to talk to me until then after we had a fight. I’m unable to focus on anything atm and feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know what to do,1.0134905660377385,1.713617849056604,3.38127358490566,94.42021226415095,78.05660377358491,6.054716981132076,20.797169811320764,5.985473137389443,-0.09205283018867894,178,4,45,1,4,62,39,53,0.102,0.8240000000000001,0.075,-0.34,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,11,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,7,1,11,10,0,9,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269265480392691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008760649845699,0.2838160072093775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257826600308418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833400266973585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409032228604586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444532837881688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011382702705437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319317598030442,0.3472391246027925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343252906647127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,21227712,2019/08/23,"Breakups, angry at myself My gf broke up with me after a long serious relationship. I knew that I was being clingy and needy and a lot to handle but I couldn’t stop myself, and now she’s gone. I’m so angry at myself and feel like I do this in all my relationships. It’s just the way I am and I will never be able to be in a happy relationship.",1.5875999999999983,2.764483160000001,4.389000000000003,85.85950000000003,77.4,7.133333333333333,19.166666666666668,7.793537801064563,0.4520666666666671,267,5,61,4,6,96,53,75,0.185,0.706,0.109,-0.431,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,2,15,12,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,13,2,9,4,2,12,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,49,16,0,0.2429520819050352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284387250446258,0.17356501585707848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25862700886351603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869411523512535,0.0,0.0,0.21500494722979527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065491719869949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737962308592335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7825188410625966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311881914670532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928440541276444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spicyaanderson97,2019/08/23,"Empathy: re A few posts on the sub reddit here made me think! 
Why have I come here expecting something I socially appreciate but can't find anywhere else. I have been concerned about attachment and comparison thinking on philosophy and venting is exacting and sometimes the reason why being so bold or open can hurt. No judgement pertains to all of us but looks up from the stars where is our middle ground <3 IOS",7.055131578947368,8.325161618421056,6.951157894736844,72.29910526315794,64.39473684210526,10.290526315789474,36.252631578947366,10.355215969177356,4.024334736842105,337,16,56,8,5,107,64,76,0.08900000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.115,0.2712,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,2,16,13,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,7,10,2,9,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,1,0,38,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567527098397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915558207974405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22883755432872455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26803084313776043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025133528385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23691019579486045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397893486374733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574264577289743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552250462111085,0.0,0.19275035151057826,0.24762656315717976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208594555535255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011694288586313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518476856291528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KatieLovelyKatie,2019/08/23,"How to help? I have a new friend at work who had BPD and has admitted to me that they are struggling at the moment. I want to help in anyway I can but don't know enough about BPD and how it can affect people to know what the best things to do are. 

I have made sure they know I am always available if they need anything, and because I know they aren't eating much at the moment because they don't have the energy/are too depressed to cook I have been taking them food/meals. 

Is there anything else I should be doing? And because I am an anxious little stress bunny myself - how can I be sure I don't come across as too overbearing/overwhelming",2.6606818181818177,4.317562492424248,3.4824242424242438,91.46863636363638,75.5909090909091,6.012121212121213,21.090909090909093,6.574015621080383,0.24617272727272704,507,12,107,4,11,161,76,132,0.091,0.758,0.152,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,6,2,8,7,0,2,6,0,24,2,0,5,2,22,34,10,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,5,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,19,4,13,28,3,10,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,3,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042803914482232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708217982049398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579827638049741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28665889718114224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449880118717145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394840707783966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502570931655067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500800929234116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603937458722774,0.1309439913949732,0.0,0.0,0.1619640088736996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954196966696565,0.0,0.12110418034727673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013160742224488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445814344485438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710405595542393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832005118427094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522882839541727,0.1162276773715091,0.0,0.15138952571222974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867028188290101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955588250985707,0.16386848347000266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29546886678568857,0.0,0.11785602430035827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413732143410603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245484418081774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411541381331525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,quietandburning,2019/08/23,"How the Hell is this so Addictive? For better or worse, I found a new method of self harm.

I've been trying to break myself of cutting since my last relapse. I was drinking tonight and me and my bf were playing around with this thin plastic stick attached to a balloon (like those special occasion balloons you see in supermarkets). We realized you could swat someone playfully with them. I snuck it to the bathroom and beat my legs with it till I had welts. Then I hid it so I could use it again when I'm upset.

I hate how addictive self harm can be. I'm 26. This started when I was 22 or 23. When does using self harm as a coping mechanism end? It only got worse when I started medication. It gets better when I'm off. But I know it isn't an ok ""normal"".",1.7175541125541116,3.8058391103896128,3.278935064935067,89.84030735930739,79.97402597402598,6.184588744588745,24.552380952380954,7.3011,1.0666516017316017,589,22,124,8,15,194,100,154,0.19699999999999998,0.722,0.081,-0.9602,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,2,1,3,11,14,3,1,6,1,11,5,1,4,0,21,24,18,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,3,11,8,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,7,0,0,7,2,19,7,14,14,0,19,1,0,1,0,8,4,1,2,15,78,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326842882828635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583461002468494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699012649186053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436563012899902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335297445573685,0.0,0.0,0.1494769821208247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514662234355715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730355992622306,0.0,0.0,0.07972030975725501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203760998731122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064788344626592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385771957150494,0.12437861458023157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745462072732033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371515681839226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736929067065066,0.0,0.0,0.14950267527853564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604914384097355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215919310528528,0.0,0.4775439582603601,0.0,0.0,0.1262213849448733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928630784825162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600345711512645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035964270458418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635720224301839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109979878412871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redcrussh,2019/08/23,"How to stop feeling sad about bad friends that abandon you? I had a very fun and good group of friends that I met a couple of years ago until a few months ago where everything suddenly stopped. There were no arguments or an obvious falling out. Through out the last year it became clearer to me that I was being used and not respected in the way that I respected them. I felt hurt but didn't say anything (which I know I should have). I just wanted to be nice as I know they were under stress too. However the more I look back on it, the more frustrated I become that none of them have reached out to me when they knew I was suffering and knew I needed support (this I did say to their face). Perhaps they got annoyed, after all it is no one's actual responsibility to take care of me. I can understand that, but I thought they cared about me enough to not cut me out of their lives like this.

And so, I am stuck between conflicting emotions. I am very lonely and miss them, wish them all the best and would love to see them again. After all, some of my best memories are from spending time with them and I am grateful for that. I am also very hurt by them.

I wish I could have a carefree attitude and be able to forget about them like they did with me. But months on I am still mourning the loss of our friendship. 

Any advice?",4.716087243886316,5.152086363295883,5.075369024014102,86.64858559154001,69.26217228464421,8.529543952412425,28.814496585150913,8.4952907291091,1.807165851509143,1037,35,223,15,17,329,151,267,0.19699999999999998,0.585,0.217,0.9255,1,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,15,3,14,29,3,1,11,0,25,2,1,2,4,48,49,18,1,7,7,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,13,14,0,4,8,0,1,1,6,14,0,1,15,6,47,15,38,28,11,29,0,9,2,1,24,9,0,2,20,173,60,0,0.12021040252730165,0.0,0.11730801230761052,0.0,0.0,0.11746821408676325,0.2131185375196096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613221547026092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174719590891433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892291868987016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924343793981764,0.10037066491842886,0.0,0.13276294513973533,0.0,0.0,0.2523068021198698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451250339598756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597822480857138,0.13301052395806118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522052296537476,0.0,0.12420948007681958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803735858003792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607819914362624,0.0,0.11542083793468935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857485175955936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082678229598277,0.09614324033034233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573754443123159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212898691077166,0.09798752232844914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745746122573678,0.0,0.106147987788276,0.0,0.10094646235941908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084945816083554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919015928463096,0.0,0.0,0.08913449029351453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145767982216967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911922739639482,0.0,0.0,0.09579212712097793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600018274041036,0.20100255835666986,0.1377006099464696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641334023026214,0.0,0.0,0.09038326233134894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543363197441447,0.070095652420119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514326847846335,0.0,0.10382319147144198,0.0,0.2975585146104701,0.07090320995473658,0.09541742219250536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764720606842607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539402095045298,0.0,0.0,0.15482311594944045
bpd,deartothesun,2019/08/23,"Can't hold down a job. Feel like I'm incompetent... I can't seem to be able to hold down a job. I am 29 and have never been employed for more than a couple of months at a single job. If it is even slightly stressful, I tend to have a meltdown in a couple of weeks and end up suicidal and quit. I can't seem to hold down physical labor jobs anymore because of some health problems I have.     


I just started a job as a security guard, and even with this simple job I can't seem to follow instructions well or get things right, and that alone is stressing me out. I feel so incompetent and stupid. I have a 140 IQ, but probably wouldn't even be able to hold down a job flipping burgers. In fact, my first job when I was 17 was just that, and I got fired on my first day since I just couldn't pay attention or do anything right. I don't know what I should do... I am a useless idiot who will probably end up homeless, or just dead since I can't handle life.",4.191567164179105,3.9629919004975136,5.325584577114427,86.71434701492538,70.29353233830847,8.491044776119404,28.192786069651746,8.07648339933343,1.526744278606965,736,23,169,9,12,245,108,201,0.177,0.789,0.034,-0.9822,9,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,2,2,11,0,25,2,0,0,2,37,37,15,2,5,9,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,9,0,6,7,0,1,1,9,6,1,2,4,3,19,3,24,27,3,24,0,1,0,0,1,13,0,8,11,114,26,12,0.18265292475123987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458667240117442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090571310524124,0.0,0.0,0.07515389701623462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567176380260065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021019871230946,0.0,0.058898012982548376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177627706928055,0.0,0.0,0.18096080123615044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235480686055188,0.0652436429690329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536448448511478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771430723053282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304211479289427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970757588873718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7250193760278627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019063532831442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450658122026265,0.04461749643892849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289591096294545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043659788189599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693074577035208,0.0873870905853159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713693433292823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598459973893344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24942054409414874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109238683746953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464134012418597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092283081827304,0.0,0.0,0.09989632695427698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606732435545326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325657939043206,0.0,0.08211345754289326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daisiesnbruises,2019/08/23,"I hate how much love I feel.. I try hard to think of this as a positive trait for someone with BPD, and some days I do.
However, sometimes the love I have for someone feels so overwhelming that I don’t know what to do with it.. 
Anyone else go through this or know how to handle it?",3.188389830508473,3.719512881355936,4.162500000000001,91.4908686440678,72.72881355932203,7.933898305084746,26.614406779661017,8.07648339933343,1.2873016949152545,216,7,51,3,4,70,42,59,0.081,0.7290000000000001,0.19,0.836,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,12,13,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,6,2,10,13,2,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914044912123632,0.2478527107489541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046616002446231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600396134180566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207443241965906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244621422516792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374759991455734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166927652816185,0.23882383198112386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26588122542602777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436644115489877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782259306691728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099181582464647,0.0,0.23924294395805198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549982355783818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423261396477412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,XiamenRamen,2019/08/23,"I feel better knowing you guys are here We might be suffering but at least we’re all here together. Until I hate your guys’ guts the next day. But rest assured the day after that I’ll love you again. 

For real though, it’s nice to not be alone.",1.2170588235294133,3.2038095294117674,2.50172549019608,95.29376470588235,81.15686274509805,5.648627450980393,18.04313725490196,6.742157984588678,-0.15054039215686288,190,4,43,2,5,61,41,51,0.113,0.62,0.267,0.8661,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,3,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,2,10,8,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,5,5,3,7,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,1,6,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738402056709685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338416326971242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34103417700001804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336893383780889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523598091063981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26104173345067205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453081449230848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386326688232728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280488199249967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811939855689439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009467819544613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597731227642857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,herxmonologue,2019/08/23,"new relationship? alright so boom. I've known this guy for a couple of years now. we've always sort of had feelings for each other but we kinda fell off talking, and would only really talk sporadically. but a few days ago we started texting again and I told him how I felt, and he feels the same way. I went to go see him (he lives out of state, first time meeting) and honestly it was kinda like sparks flying. I feel so comfortable with him and our intimacy feels natural. I honestly thought it would be a little while before any talk came up of being in a relationship but he asked me to be his girlfriend after I had left yesterday. I honestly feel like it's going a bit fast but in a good way. I'm not sure if I should show any restraint or just let it take its course.",2.013333333333332,4.105312923566881,3.824484076433123,86.28521868365179,79.0,6.989214437367304,22.568577494692143,8.021203637495839,1.1760457749469209,607,19,126,11,15,204,106,157,0.015,0.789,0.196,0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,7,1,10,0,0,1,1,36,27,15,0,4,8,0,6,2,1,3,0,1,0,1,7,11,0,0,8,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,8,16,9,15,12,4,28,0,0,1,0,20,7,0,5,15,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769831825934286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986741441251285,0.0,0.0,0.19592813579672533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467435459923088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258235714533836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727352431606625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476344966297538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939692921997073,0.0,0.09290519643290904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641991061500367,0.10291473615302807,0.13831783070478154,0.0,0.0,0.12253527087632075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374244084027953,0.12082863071930745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426396143932307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651893992267074,0.14730859598197787,0.0,0.14075847591773616,0.14438350146616447,0.12720544805661385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913167088337688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956225149555923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922869496392137,0.0,0.0,0.3093277742447239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479520907193275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019646690577394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577252764518646,0.0,0.10831334273250896,0.3473639842245918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436559625783325,0.08400111070128773,0.0,0.0,0.13765315398088604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869234161300475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335427838596975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466868798351376,0.0,0.0,0.0927683333628152
bpd,throwaway67899982123,2019/08/23,"DBT: Intensive Outpatient vs Weekly Sessions But I have one question first.

​

What is the difference between intensive outpatient (involving group/individual therapy 5 days a week for several hours), and weekly sessions (once a week for a couple of hours)?

​

Is one more effective than the other? 

​

I have heard differing opinions - some say that BPD needs long and drawn-out maintenance for DBT to work, but after calling the intensive outpatient centre they said that the success rates were extremely high.

​

Is anyone able to clarify which might be better or more applicable for certain BPD sufferers?",8.969053398058254,11.814183223300972,7.990473300970873,60.70668082524273,61.427184466019405,12.140291262135925,42.001213592233015,11.698219412168324,6.373331067961166,524,30,65,18,8,162,72,103,0.042,0.8240000000000001,0.134,0.8774,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,1,1,13,11,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,3,3,10,6,3,11,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,5,10,44,8,4,0.09576242541467853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41503419171074174,0.4654473143945019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669593144372381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469408322832624,0.0,0.0,0.2412188449743279,0.0,0.0977841432294136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595930229090016,0.0,0.06175884216467515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010270513013564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145547013746783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117826017260173,0.0,0.0,0.1886133983236459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474673302420238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158880015437133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100662504369762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198385771916578,0.12978219562407092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072758327250625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109199594412376,0.07615412431206653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818428302789714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095126792398147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072593654687965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971618622686805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654473143945019,0.0
bpd,kobewav,2019/08/23,"Need advice to dealing with a breakup as a BPD This is only my 3rd break up, I’m having a hard time fully accepting the break up after 1.5 months. I understand it’s over but I still love this person, I feel like most of the reasons we broke up were my fault, the rest were circumstantial.",2.591525423728818,4.314276966101699,3.812000000000001,88.74952542372883,75.94915254237287,6.753898305084746,21.969491525423727,7.554174236665415,0.7405023728813562,227,6,48,3,5,74,46,59,0.131,0.698,0.171,0.5494,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,9,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,3,9,7,2,10,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28360445587776323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655281565670448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992091730423043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674645173132422,0.2073367576457021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25998454341212385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178924757936798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619393426718525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316547810161456,0.0,0.0,0.21519811819870407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207291475894616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25341322619025114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983995788423143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317740147998713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923249849803207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021344015444491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alexisleeann723,2019/08/23,"Self-destructing behavior I need a little advice. 

1.) I’m not 100% sure on what it is. But I feel like I have a negative thought and my mind makes me feel like it is an actual event that happened leading to a breakdown. Does anyone else do this? And how have you moved past it?

2.) I feel like I argue to get attention. I’m in nursing school and work full time and I have noticed that I have been picking fights lately. He made a statement that he feels like I’m wanting to fight to get the attention I’m missing out on from working and being in school. How does anyone move past it? I feel like I’m not even noticing my self destructing behavior.",0.75,3.1522878636363667,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,87.03030303030305,5.724242424242425,22.643939393939394,7.1686216300943375,0.9181121212121216,506,19,106,8,16,168,75,132,0.146,0.7609999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.7965,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,3,11,4,0,6,0,9,0,0,6,1,28,28,8,0,2,3,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,5,12,6,10,24,1,15,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,10,59,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.1188531133891918,0.0,0.0,0.11901542523685026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032201839655672,0.12479207126132542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316503109955864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174303478225076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044361126391815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30791285173477884,0.4350473320678141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726439614636378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770179489991856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738863455843667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975113268661914,0.12206931573737705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524417398449488,0.08129826179517337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297694974107272,0.0,0.0,0.2588949245279412,0.0,0.09030850897006973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27732594205075595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232531796716298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465235179041854,0.0,0.0,0.254114849220583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478915095756953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669061864635836,0.07101890451720909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183709864855717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773345747767512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,glassangelrose,2019/08/23,"Hoping someone with BPD can help me understand my non-treated BPD mother better She was very abusive growing up, it seemed like my mere presence enraged her. Everything i did was wrong, and she had such big emotions that there were never any room for mine. She would rage at me for hours. It seemed like the only emotions she felt were deep depression, rage and euphoria. No apologies ever, or at least not ones that are typically seen as apologies. She would usually get really sweet or buy me something when she felt guilty rather than say the words im sorry. 

After 3 years of NC, she is suddenly acting really, really nice. She says i love you (never heard that much growing up). She seems to understand boundaries and is being more validating.

She has not had any therapy. The two  times she tried she ended up raging at the therapist and storming out (bc she took their validating of my emotions as an attack/criticusm i think) .

 So... It is just the distance? Like maybe i was too close to her before and it made her lash out? Like why is she suddenly being nice? Does she feel bad for how she acted? I'm just waiting for the switch.... 

Maybe someone who is self-aware can help me understand my very non-self aware mother?

 I know that no one can give me definitive answers but maybe someone has some insight?",3.4329993252361675,5.9387555708502004,4.045612348178139,84.38814861673416,76.28744939271255,7.031646423751688,25.27142375168691,8.07648339933343,1.6966168690958163,1034,37,189,18,24,327,144,247,0.092,0.78,0.128,0.7686,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,1,1,10,17,4,0,7,0,23,1,0,2,3,41,44,13,0,4,8,2,3,4,0,2,0,3,1,0,9,9,0,1,13,0,1,5,6,7,0,3,14,8,36,10,21,26,4,29,0,1,1,1,33,12,0,7,16,127,45,0,0.0,0.11336231910302745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301281075146424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088470905513962,0.0,0.0,0.07988680547755145,0.0,0.0,0.08141459665883011,0.0,0.0,0.0846190683273683,0.0,0.0,0.2410051935942645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240698280299824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372811873885448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32287329042265644,0.08474196127796048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654587327414894,0.0,0.0,0.08598886393954025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837747294344516,0.0,0.1837310141491659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998760076550578,0.09178267897451332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826136649208147,0.0,0.0,0.09502945220665383,0.0942231702135466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033482340347568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258191068010304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697298387837274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635277591673736,0.09053246523186392,0.0,0.0,0.28836304884859704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033405002979676,0.0,0.1475849378757236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296672454625042,0.0727671316025389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388057523258547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217334677798147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613039003302388,0.1996252214455369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24320197804712626,0.07365729633548992,0.0,0.10710324791458296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941568211234518,0.11108907620149024,0.0,0.061306347341350924,0.0,0.0,0.055790382122694826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630134193096437,0.06495881478219055,0.0,0.09346311964292683,0.2988112897495137,0.0,0.0,0.10537536699721732,0.15788809206484414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633415871375277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593325392750774,0.10460844364849244,0.0,0.06161324206297261
bpd,6osko7,2019/08/23,"S/O and Masturbation For those that have BPD, what are your opinions on your S/O masturbating?
I get upset each time, sometimes my reactions can be very depressive and self worth goes out the toilet or I'm enraged... I dont know how to cope with this",2.127400000000001,4.40708094,3.649999999999999,86.705,79.6,7.2,24.0,8.238735603445708,1.4794,197,7,41,4,5,65,44,50,0.114,0.847,0.039,-0.5563,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,7,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641208490972978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173939802680183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318866990559361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925293589372292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252145331849372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844324924985501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644622039705446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148790168052548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040563328060649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pm_me_for_help77,2019/08/23,"I feel really let down and alone. Trigger warning. Childhood trauma mentioned.

I suffered multiple traumas growing up. I've posted on numerous subs asking for advice, or for people with similar stories to lmk how they're doing and what benefited them.

Multiple times. On multiple subs. Advice subreddit, women only subreddits. Even a sexual assault victim group 

Obviously I want to protect myself, so I choose to withhold a small amount of identifying information. Ofc this isn't enough. Even on the so called women subs I've been accused of lying. ""if you lived In the US the police would never have not taken your assault seriously"". Really?? This happens to women in the US and in most developed countries too.

Ofc once you get one response like that, everyone jumps on the bandwagon. People start saying ""she said x thing, doesn't make sense"" and I'm like ""yeah, because if I tell you every single detail I'm at risk, and it won't fit in the post, and I'm not here to be scrutinised. I'm here for support.""

The worst is when they go through your post history and say ""oh she's got bpd"" as if that's a reason to suggest I'm making it all up... For what? Attention? My posts are down voted half the time, and the other time I don't get more than ten responses typically. Where's this attention sexual assault victims get? Why would you accuse a young woman of lying because not every detail of her assault is mentioned? Why do I need to provide every detail.

So I start providing every detail with a trigger warning. And guess what, I get my posts down voted. I see other posts of assault victims get popular and tons of support and advice.

Trigger warning. 

I cry myself asleep some nights. I have nightmares. People seem to think because my assault, that lasted a few seconds before it stopped, is invalid. Sure, a lot of people have it worse than me, the assaulter doesn't stop for them. But I was still injured, bleeding and traumatised.

I realise now nobody cares about me in anyway shape or form. I had a psychiatrist who invalidated how I felt when I told him at 16. I've had people tell me I was asking for it. That it was my own fault. I've had one person in my entire life out of the dozen people that found out in real life who cared. My childhood psychologist. And out of 4 or so dozen responses online over the years, only one person ever defended how I felt and argued with other posters. Literally EVERYONE else has told me variations of I'm a liar, to I'm overreacting, to I'm cruel for withholding sex from my partner, to telling me by partner will cheat if I don't hurry up and have sex with him. I've had a few really nasty responses too.

Look. I get it. My experience wasn't as traumatic, wasn't as ""long"" as others. But it still affected me. It still hurt me. And all I've ever wanted is one person to talk to me and be nice.

And I've had one person online tell me its okay to feel this way. And one Dr to tell me I'd been forced and I had ptsd. Half my family know, most precious friends have known. A few people online have seen my posts.

I realise now that nobody cares. And that hurts. Even though I get it.",2.4288600052042675,4.884563824590167,4.1452068696331,82.58918943533698,79.60655737704919,6.758261774655218,24.272703616965913,7.903304296703973,1.6089862086911264,2463,89,452,44,63,825,270,610,0.174,0.758,0.068,-0.9967,0,1,0,0,0,0,89.0,2,6,3,0,27,37,14,1,23,2,39,8,1,10,7,85,87,44,0,9,12,0,4,2,3,4,5,3,0,10,32,28,0,5,14,0,0,3,12,23,0,12,22,10,62,14,69,58,17,62,0,3,3,2,49,27,0,13,26,313,94,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913908086575406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328839530424979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425354215604085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117507310082747,0.0,0.051997533425609435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696209355539489,0.0,0.062397051774766565,0.0,0.18690789513631909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712314066378064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104703500719433,0.0,0.0,0.06313983820718229,0.0,0.12108173839367525,0.11054951134325952,0.20594104166821786,0.11678066308963747,0.0,0.059774345268154165,0.057606215922424986,0.0,0.0617950433867433,0.0,0.1173445541906546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700064202550829,0.04721109588799605,0.0,0.2234810996845919,0.0,0.03472850106271225,0.0,0.04887282867151257,0.0,0.06731622020676369,0.0,0.054036694564500234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083255724386558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03358279436829377,0.04981033897182832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248602018943784,0.08632332459436408,0.059707560915903485,0.0,0.0539585768399049,0.0540777483302922,0.051314467277531334,0.0,0.0,0.051950963382274465,0.0,0.0,0.08157875818750877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531004632119438,0.04712946483336238,0.0,0.0,0.05734475481925287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507693210916292,0.2484459988814057,0.09294921336144364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965471677696052,0.2134250078614811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096651213787717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714307815827692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955311348531845,0.1174400752366762,0.06282814576977827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058126724839806125,0.09718943543665837,0.0,0.0,0.04869434606923485,0.055629493355681806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650366024981654,0.0,0.14640032312366108,0.10217633151689152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386869380036552,0.05759259904049365,0.0,0.0,0.049115470342266834,0.2670509397430273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040596757714278224,0.03915488101528505,0.0600372908815285,0.0,0.10689590239237698,0.0,0.0,0.11678066308963747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700832963838142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208495200435869,0.04850387100610312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027907740677463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227322617401601,0.08681728098914354,0.0,0.0,0.03935088725004587
bpd,rgr555,2019/08/23,"What makes a person with BPD finally move on? And will they contact you again? I've dealt with gfs with BPD, a few of my most recent exes had severe BPD. 

Two exes ago after our on/off relationship for a few months, she came over to my apartment and doorman wouldn't let her up because I wasn't home (she would often just appear, knowing that I was home, for bootycall or hang out). I was visiting family in another state at the time without telling her (since it was on/off and I dont ""report"" to girls). After that she never contacted me. This was after tons of scenarios where it went really bad but she always came back; intense loyalty etc. It must be a combination of feeling abadonment and lost of trust since she didn't believe I wasn't home and had someone else in my apartment. My most recent 'ex' and I are going through some shit too now and I'm wondering if she'll contact me. But I'm ready to let her go as I have too much principles to contact her first.

If you have BPD, makes me you finally have no contact even though you feel so attached/obsessive over your partner?",3.5230800653594763,5.0905346250000045,4.606960784313729,84.66352941176471,73.12037037037038,7.674945533769064,27.52069716775599,8.313332769828598,1.8665994553376903,853,32,169,14,17,279,129,216,0.069,0.855,0.076,0.3277,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,5,1,2,11,4,1,0,5,0,22,1,1,2,2,35,37,15,0,5,7,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,7,13,0,0,4,0,0,9,8,3,0,2,13,2,31,1,27,16,8,36,0,1,0,0,29,11,1,9,15,126,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530129972191197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894570934334269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273381184523652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266870257425621,0.08976652084803878,0.06553721606896404,0.0,0.0,0.1211271721457288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416213004372662,0.0,0.0,0.2459260405866551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600114605883378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981097124184574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199022847610727,0.07100946883760867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135104224626,0.0,0.10872076828190393,0.0,0.0,0.2355443237907559,0.0,0.09144811564842616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222010410507126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235244697030888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908479069952985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987291373377804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173600761959595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352777795010527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581361072485635,0.11426632138112235,0.07903236248570378,0.0,0.08291848900129352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387375408109767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887378289607367,0.0,0.21230669186082315,0.1154257132256773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121455917067091,0.11035766863933363,0.17786708604479615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109303804780106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396864780094946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562821923035018,0.0,0.06269005838948255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502183718320196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996630264500794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363598999992456,0.11659021874608125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637215682666308,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sowhyisthis,2019/08/23,"Trying to escape hollow and horrible feeling in my chest all the time. Does anyone else get this? Hey

I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for over a year now but had symptoms for much longer. I’ve noticed that whenever I don’t take benzodiazepines to calm me I have this feeling in my heart and stomach that is absolutely intolerable for me. I cannot stand it and it is in attempt to escape this feeling that I do impulsive things or self harm, as well as do those benzos.

I know it just sounds like anxiety but it’s not. It’s this persistent sense of dread where I can’t really do anything but lay down curled up for a few days drifting in and out of sleep because the feeling is SO SO SO bad. I can’t speak to people, I can’t watch anything, I can’t stand up except to use the bathroom, I can’t eat. It feels like something terrible is brewing inside of me basically. As if I am afraid of my ability to perceive pain of cosmic proportions... that I just end up avoiding a lot of things. Just lying in bed, waiting for the feeling to pass. Not speaking to anybody. Not doing anything because I might react really badly to it.

For example, sometimes I get so bored by something that it makes me suicidal???! Weird, right?

I wanna google about this or speak to my therapist but I don’t know where to begin explaining how horrible the feeling is and how much it makes me just want to die.",3.752091774891774,5.202632392727273,5.050233766233767,82.17896969696974,72.34545454545454,8.147186147186147,29.095238095238088,8.704169506293173,2.2642329004329,1088,44,213,20,21,362,141,275,0.196,0.706,0.098,-0.9919,0,1,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,2,15,14,0,3,8,0,22,8,4,6,1,46,41,21,2,3,15,0,7,2,0,1,3,4,1,1,22,7,1,2,11,0,0,2,11,10,1,0,2,12,25,4,43,38,5,24,0,0,1,0,6,14,0,5,8,154,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624377587877624,0.0,0.0,0.08796879301289645,0.12890650298517234,0.3105910212630252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100910334007765,0.1533843722588637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845241862688245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811365953902162,0.0,0.0,0.12769379884273005,0.13057019845219744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009657280320134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873432989585962,0.10509753291468367,0.0,0.11142970426009946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452907621148886,0.08987819441261402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146034115735986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490846351302671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382830104036946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292814553735125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695857424919236,0.0,0.0,0.16795737935694766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346379377263246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496863362716628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323473044200766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386997339083273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722033294820263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119332782599405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074404611907085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124654570815475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590016547268346,0.0,0.0,0.1937083027932413,0.12442862204863007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761496272309776,0.0,0.0,0.13076404201122235,0.09459294207505092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607430275370695,0.16716422724667462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073360418932228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541626144955182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865884770679153,0.0,0.0,0.07420558916755657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311767652880778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101706920687632
bpd,nauedon2,2019/08/23,"Got any good book recommendations on disassociation / DID / preferably biography? I want to know more about Disassociation Identity Disorder from a personal perspective, any books that you have read and found to be helpful would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.",9.004000000000003,12.9916634,9.55,44.405,65.0,13.0,40.0,11.698219412168324,6.7527500000000025,216,12,28,9,4,72,35,40,0.055999999999999994,0.6659999999999999,0.278,0.8648,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,17,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40751695383469294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434016053103593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285285105348161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131518414402304,0.23964125004895376,0.3303428120504115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008354780755064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646686521184699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616251047151136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299710793138148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758587796031407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767293655555534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284834853662396,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AshDooley,2019/08/23,"DAE ever feel completely drained after therapy? I’ve been going to therapy for 3 weeks now, every Wednesday. Yesterday was my 3rd session in which my therapist had me buy a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) book for us to start working in that I could bring with me every session. We were supposed to start in the book yesterday when she start the session with a weekly check-in. At this point, I completely broke down because I had a very trying week, and long story short I’m trapped at the moment living with my family (pretty much all of my triggers together) and it truly affects my well being and I feel my environment is toxic,  so healing feels almost impossible. Anyways, after discussing this for just an hour I felt completely exhausted and drained. All I wanted to do was sleep the rest of the day. Does this happen to anyone else?",5.980332167832168,7.479193711538464,6.733216783216786,72.04814685314687,67.01282051282051,9.775291375291378,33.412587412587406,10.018931242160765,3.6902384615384616,673,30,109,16,11,222,102,156,0.09699999999999999,0.871,0.032,-0.8815,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,9,0,10,3,1,2,3,21,22,6,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,4,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,7,4,17,1,21,13,4,28,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,18,78,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160433024042215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189623768469826,0.13466164797432206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011617670002788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133935334118221,0.0,0.0,0.1049331068507662,0.0,0.0,0.08475901054835902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501193180075155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097897053491148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888249998412764,0.2214644423604313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389690158320008,0.0,0.1993590696651669,0.0,0.1261897388075478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469252422504531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621973290790485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294283090302154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160517207605851,0.11630802953177607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661336104454682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424021649333455,0.0,0.0,0.13370766899455014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315210898610875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790723702887582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508918565919492,0.15259591936782949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922974608911137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808950698692628,0.0,0.0,0.10844035880795357,0.07751856341458653,0.0,0.31626645132137743,0.0,0.11816791537776568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567982100503734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slyguuy,2019/08/23,just need to talk to someone just recently my girlfriend of 3 years left me we had lived together and grew so much then things got hard and we had to live apart from each other and she then stated to talk to someone else and the some one was the friend i had met of hers and it made me question its be so hard the past bit iv never been one to self harm but well i overthink every thing i get this urge to burn myself and i do it and i feel almost reveled i dont know if its just the depression or if somthing else is wrong with my i can no longer control my emotions i get mad and black out iv gotten so self destructive i guess i just want it all back,0.7755015197568369,2.6958023404255336,2.062679837892606,98.21250000000002,82.33333333333333,5.163323201621076,19.291286727456946,6.1826913282559595,-0.2756670719351568,514,13,122,4,14,164,90,141,0.17800000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.040999999999999995,-0.9708,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,2,0,0,1,9,7,2,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,2,33,21,17,0,4,8,0,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,9,13,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,5,1,2,9,4,20,2,12,11,5,12,0,1,1,0,12,3,0,7,7,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502213264346709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153545585128491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378076841458442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825790911608146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921025733371752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581994301500092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250641527315793,0.16875002385589782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639660955198667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585359293059905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590351112412295,0.0,0.1567563946333718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199830746364073,0.0,0.16526170661402373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26877326833547344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244595274549317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299496284227716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649372311052795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419506300531533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028046889422036,0.11123642353657703,0.11570310641690636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331211729978424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320912680458456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805445910012567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812464660934047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31300291984891976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25421947751410684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411575226589424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933054595907174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848448526105261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488417104238712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402109946694496,0.0,0.09660665384574266
bpd,justanotherbuffoon,2019/08/23,"How do you tell the difference between splitting on your partner and being genuinely unhappy in a relationship? Really struggling with how to distinguish between my BPD and my true feelings lately. There's so many things I don't know. I feel like I've been manipulated, gaslighted, lied to... but with this illness who knows what the reality is?

Here's what I know: my fiancé has classic bipolar and chronic health issues but won't go to the doctor. We moved to a new town together last summer for my career, and he's been talking about getting a job for a year but hasn't sent a single application. I've paid all of his bills... even when I was on medical leave and missed a month of pay. 

When we argue, he sometimes just gets... mean. He tells me he doesn't trust me, that I'm overreacting, and when I try to explain why I was upset he says that I'm making things up, I don't care about him and I'm just going to leave him anyway. He talks about feeling worthless and suicidal but it feels like he doesn't even want to do anything to work on it. 

But when we're not fighting, he says he loves me more than anything, he wants to be together forever. We've had a lot of happy times. He's smart, and funny, and when he's in a good mood, he can be so gentle and sweet. 

I know I love him. I was ready to marry him. I just wish I could trust myself. Am I making it up when I'm upset? When does the bad outweigh the good? Right now I'm just afraid that I'm only staying with him because I'm scared of being on my own.",3.1308973468537324,4.191901239616616,4.571065425753577,86.52888317821922,73.34504792332268,7.360411168217808,25.429781914154745,7.7425588080867325,1.2177221558549802,1180,37,253,15,23,394,162,313,0.183,0.665,0.152,-0.5821,1,0,0,0,2,0,41.0,2,2,0,1,24,24,2,5,13,0,23,8,0,5,2,49,55,27,1,4,10,0,4,2,1,1,6,2,0,1,12,16,0,0,11,0,3,4,7,10,0,0,8,7,32,13,33,41,5,30,0,2,0,2,38,10,0,1,17,156,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036847584656305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657726820682667,0.07050964250397787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567877061708284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179304041085602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235083544465574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084759001152337,0.0,0.11839026527380055,0.10122113322165133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279416986124325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339392169556963,0.1652653204132462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208626605429259,0.0,0.13147265378243694,0.19403229427929308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312986945060478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294880900883533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207264900536218,0.11478183355534725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542706400749354,0.09428419381826272,0.13047762299516374,0.2449496961728536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301828821110188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983361045454866,0.20878830115339247,0.0,0.15441748856104884,0.11726837109367355,0.0,0.12599547366230915,0.0,0.11652252026751075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232444368430416,0.12293591266295816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171208821825784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797010649517903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409936065621936,0.0,0.0,0.12418326965162813,0.0,0.09877914415210694,0.0,0.18396637639788133,0.11580303067247337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439780374893432,0.0,0.0,0.12328582939711585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092045599238065,0.0,0.12652112704712834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593780411109076,0.2021964361762029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368827643959174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744646585147182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853042614628129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364470053095415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437164374850158,0.0,0.13301155461158753,0.0,0.0,0.08420708840325165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744858749606647
bpd,Luvdogs52,2019/08/23,"Unloved      Does anyone else do this? Instead of worrying about people abandoning me, I feel like people will just stopping loving me. In my first marriage he only stayed with me because of the kids.  He wasn't happy. This is how many of my relationships ended up with us staying together even though deep down we weren't happy. I'm remarried and I constantly worry he will stay for the wrong reason. I worry he would stay even if he hated me because it would be the "" right "" thing to do. I've been a difficult wife these last couple of years finally leading me to my dual diagnosis. He havent become rude, mean or anything. But, I can tell he's not where he used to be with me.",3.4200410116199578,5.227322323308272,4.7404921394395085,82.61084757347916,73.88721804511276,7.54313055365687,25.62474367737525,8.296473431620573,1.7281037593984965,531,18,101,9,11,176,93,133,0.21,0.73,0.06,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,2,8,10,2,0,4,0,14,1,0,4,0,20,20,6,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,3,1,15,4,15,11,0,18,0,1,0,1,16,6,0,2,8,66,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867100602129255,0.12706199838439647,0.1020489396785772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118961734916656,0.13695833038034358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340098039098901,0.0,0.0,0.1372137328313796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085212167865346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359370744038912,0.0,0.10983527265726176,0.0,0.0,0.16381370869382625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270273723998103,0.08859214026278912,0.0,0.13584592968222298,0.0,0.10548209430836168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640200288271144,0.0,0.1224333325290007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108398425544136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605845921964869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192307263713293,0.0,0.0,0.12572578390120415,0.0,0.13508228643803458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431452399167396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194461951117873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750202927514284,0.0,0.13313938599772931,0.0,0.10590311109287408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287088888607826,0.0,0.10367717726407903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838943699480767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238614918748141,0.0,0.12183833098666864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916770278344715,0.1071040638916318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778118433856175,0.0,0.1761850420164826,0.13558450568186445,0.0,0.07985780762244989
bpd,blue_tulip_10,2019/07/24,"Borderline Personality Disorder with involuntary mental health treatment Someone I know is diagnosed with BPD and she is getting involuntary treatment. Do you know the effect of getting involuntary treatment? Is it going to make her mental condition worse than before? I’m extremely worried that this will lead to new mental illness. Please share your professional opinions on this, thank you in advance!!!",8.630833333333333,12.29460625,8.113750000000003,55.889583333333384,64.625,10.516666666666666,41.91666666666666,10.504223727775694,6.043466666666667,336,20,38,10,6,106,49,64,0.16399999999999998,0.737,0.099,-0.7054,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,3,0,9,13,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,8,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,25,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181392518558414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543035892879483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049384392925276,0.0,0.0,0.23141091391569305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098344155955376,0.0,0.11475236785861805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146251186578784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193328563831796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477914943806024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104454030436977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950097799454079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630349902032608,0.0,0.22164091624585008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108105989182815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589526464774744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505344767615946,0.20576759546170614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,i-wonder-if-its-here,2019/07/24,"boyfriend is hanging out with someone My boyfriend is hanging out with someone who I don’t like him hanging out with. This person used to have romantic feelings for my BF and probably still does, and he also doesn’t like me very much. I hate it I hate it I hate it. The last time they almost hung out, I freaked out and drove to where they were and took my BF home. And now I’m stuck here and I’m about to walk to where they’re at so I can drag my BF home. I want to fucking hang myself rightcnow.",1.1548113207547177,2.9858869339622665,2.1251320754717007,98.70618867924532,80.60377358490567,4.994716981132076,22.864150943396226,5.6839178017228535,0.014961509433961684,389,13,92,2,10,122,61,106,0.163,0.7559999999999999,0.081,-0.8764,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,0,8,7,4,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,18,19,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,5,14,0,0,1,0,0,7,2,5,0,0,4,1,16,2,16,15,1,19,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,1,6,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917944080598729,0.0,0.0,0.15317028880124414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761337061819812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684573622551293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770708113261482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673028044342056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842499883018131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561264038339985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714843062545106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408000964585449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724077597876674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065068804525362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32457358328753944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295991716605925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168546644202412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280218032676546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542454726706274,0.0,0.15803624690294205,0.11297217163440845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neverlandishome1,2019/07/24,"Need help and advice My boyfriend of two years has been reading up on bpd a lot lately. I've been in therapy since I was 11 and stopped going at 19 last time I saw a therapist was last year and I'm now 21. He swears I need to try dialectical therapy and that it will help and be the answer to I guess make me ""normal"". Anyways he read some articles about people who have dated and been with people that suffer from bpd and they all said apparently that ""we all lie about things due with our family"" he then wanted to accuse me of lying about some of my dads drug uses and he didn't say it but I know if he thinks I lied about that then he also probably thinks my moms boyfriend never sexually abused me. Also in what he read it stated that we always feel like someone will abandon us and I do feel that way at times that he will but he read if I feel that way then I'll have a backup guy to go to. He has cheated on me and I did cheat on him back and also broke up with him for 3 weeks and slept with someone else (already can't wait to see how many people want to call me a slut for that). Anyways he basically after reading those articles got in his head that I want other people than him and that it doesn't last long with bpd relationships and we all have a different perspective of things then what it really is. I hate when he tells me my perspective is wrong and his is right neither of us maybe right with our perspective but I don't get why he has to put me down. I just don't know how to explain to him that him reading up on it is actually causing more of a divide with us.",4.065015682919873,4.2387222395209605,5.239204448246365,85.82819361277447,70.61676646706587,8.517593384659254,25.4856002281152,8.418075326091056,1.3479887653264897,1244,32,278,18,21,414,161,334,0.121,0.8370000000000001,0.042,-0.9849,2,0,1,0,1,0,15.0,8,0,1,0,15,9,3,0,7,0,26,4,2,5,4,62,53,30,0,8,6,2,3,1,0,3,1,2,0,1,25,25,0,3,9,6,0,3,7,8,0,1,11,7,40,1,45,38,8,43,0,3,2,1,41,15,0,6,23,188,65,6,0.0,0.09521091428719,0.07841767169397768,0.0,0.0,0.07852476284892322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867688779517288,0.19278643539353305,0.06686417011330856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061790227916192514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036237042206692,0.0,0.08205435133538533,0.0,0.0,0.08254964948937797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395685193757578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318959627340064,0.0,0.06712867396731596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575423110475019,0.0,0.12189403321035798,0.057407665452939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198366096922712,0.0,0.09133843816330713,0.0,0.0642695149931447,0.0,0.08852323349113267,0.07956690722353735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933674221284724,0.08247033928925895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772434851422602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832514772867363,0.1965071235520404,0.09064715708378823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03925878740599195,0.0,0.0,0.07111417021652934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683173720605942,0.0,0.0,0.053639490131561836,0.08147024916205138,0.08073026306199757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411414493595753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916865794500198,0.06197692928897796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873363327361231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284006603860487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663935562234079,0.0,0.0,0.08078183614616878,0.0,0.0,0.4822775872500567,0.0,0.051479297606928036,0.0,0.0,0.0862742598530233,0.0,0.13725033290789007,0.07643871891892068,0.06390378915813086,0.0,0.0,0.0640348039973846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647284548602257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617389428595772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718276237402555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023630447546468,0.0,0.1837924138055978,0.09330165963569052,0.10677237227775614,0.10298013357812782,0.0,0.0,0.09371461932612518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054557706611521005,0.0,0.07849794485280992,0.0,0.2899818048996519,0.06940338330581639,0.0,0.0,0.14219142915063232,0.1275686449746811,0.06445822168251203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251046247458298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785869626468297,0.0,0.10349564397464606
bpd,dissodisor,2019/07/24,"Coming full circle to BDP Got diagnosed one therapist, then undiagnosed by a second therapist, with a psychiatrists assistant classifying me at dysthymic and generally anxious. I think the BDP diagnosis may have been accurate though. I got gray rocked after a first date with someone I had been building rapport with for four months, and I dissociated. Kept sending messages even though I knew beneath the surface I was being gray rocked. Didn't take it too far though, and we came to an understanding.   


I think I'm accepting this as who I am, either BDP or CPTSD. Relationship won't work so it's best I stay aloof and be a good person to be around. But I am curious about other's acceptance-denial-acceptance experiences.",6.228769230769231,8.337351261538466,7.0892307692307694,67.39076923076927,67.15384615384616,10.73846153846154,33.769230769230774,10.793553405168565,4.307138461538462,584,27,94,18,10,194,93,130,0.017,0.879,0.10400000000000001,0.8828,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,7,0,13,1,0,0,0,22,24,12,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,11,0,1,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,4,10,2,12,3,14,9,3,15,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,2,5,71,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262614420574106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517887720473204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893821857892248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501637343787973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687803019286216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730626034795988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261929854541827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679009380978954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503449759888198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301449392170126,0.27274255007906245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609830919287805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554101589402528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888150143208898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306238689530446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444713531201782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173944254420288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820122022108052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959471699508126,0.0,0.2185100062026061,0.5025713958033446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775054286332026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413226548026435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HighImZach,2019/07/24,"A cyclical nightly mantra Depression could kill me
Depression may kill me
Depression will kill me 
Depression might kill me 
Depression could kill me 
Depression might kill me
I could kill myself
I won’t kill my self 
I won’t die
I could die 
I might die
I will die",2.3988235294117644,5.1600730980392155,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,82.72549019607844,8.105882352941178,24.18627450980393,8.841846274778883,2.1642392156862744,212,8,42,6,6,66,18,51,0.759,0.24100000000000002,0.0,-0.9977,0,0,0,0,0,7,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,0,12,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,12,4,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,0,0,0,0,14,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,27,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656108449015179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42979376318377854,0.0,0.34526013342044776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.736102679957355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646836402428093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780473350174675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676214101558599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MeMeMeYouMe,2019/07/24,"Help I don’t know what to do.... I am so lonely and in most ways it’s my own fault. I can’t talk to people and I don’t know how to, and at the same time I feel like there is no point in getting friends and such cause I feel like everyone just leaves me anyway or I push them away because they deserve someone better than me. And I can’t decide between just deleting social media’s and just isolate myself forever or just end it all cause I can’t see a future for myself living this way.",0.91057142857143,2.7168191523809533,2.7773809523809554,93.85178571428574,81.28571428571429,4.961904761904762,20.02380952380953,5.6839178017228535,-0.16273333333333315,381,10,85,2,10,127,69,105,0.09699999999999999,0.77,0.133,0.5802,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,1,10,6,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,23,14,10,0,0,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,3,16,4,10,14,4,11,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,3,5,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309416267568846,0.0,0.0,0.12528396512606496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817670163402552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.422254274449502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203099803374265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638454786713028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078356353674812,0.2936491223598672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587853583800818,0.0,0.10737647228639044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775669219610928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258984223465126,0.0,0.0,0.21761753501465197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081479321141688,0.0,0.18147920102362947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248269221227566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942841956710632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637739824983202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095032309759695,0.1741376531770709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519035225966985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984120718149173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262667131810251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DarcieAliceXo,2019/07/24,"I CANNOT STAND MOOD SWINGS long story short here to vent because if I cant stop the intense feeling in my head I'm going to PERHAPS drive my head through the glass of my bedroom window and snap my own neck, lmao.",18.66068181818182,6.110730977272728,15.783636363636365,60.27045454545457,57.40909090909091,17.6,57.63636363636364,3.1291,5.6493,169,6,35,0,1,53,36,44,0.027000000000000003,0.809,0.16399999999999998,0.7241,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,5,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364697648980828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614179589278927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046138958019795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7962266911703942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432931217139421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32431483276148104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hope1es,2019/07/24,"Apparently every bad person has BPD Is BPD diagnosed differently in the US to elsewhere in the world?

I'm sorry but it really winds me up when I read a post on Reddit where the bad guy obviously had BPD because they're generally nasty people to others.

I know a lot of people diagnosed with BPD due to there being a specialised ward in the next city over to me in which I have been an inpatient myself a few times.

These people are the most kind and selfless people I have ever met. The whole programs offered are about dealing with SELF harm.

GAH. Where are these people getting these ideas from?! 

On another note, it's not even referred to as BPD here anymore but as EPD Emotional Personality Disorder.",4.485088195386704,6.518419014925375,5.628073270013566,76.4092605156038,71.5373134328358,8.454816824966079,27.853459972862957,9.095868883498916,2.51135223880597,564,21,99,12,11,187,93,134,0.153,0.799,0.048,-0.9438,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,11,0,10,2,0,0,2,14,14,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,20,10,4,17,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,2,5,71,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423743138172035,0.0,0.0,0.10804331420796202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819276151121631,0.0664113374779282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.68605666226963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231662616951274,0.0,0.22115202074097,0.0,0.11382344029324512,0.12485942464146645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254749571153478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719565779867799,0.09854621316025616,0.09179013793948723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691881743226606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078718282625734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298467503163354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134485586003308,0.05987285103520657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262041322740654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158633304339344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377640751861252,0.1902516443798759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043383726186894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897362333599386,0.0,0.06979240672169447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365249942316599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195404702558932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635262050166111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104638829107276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163224336972375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lannawhite19,2019/07/24,"I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD and I’m still in the process of being fully examined, however now that I’ve been diagnosed I feel calm because for years I’ve felt weird and I’ve seen myself in ways no one else could relate to or I could express too. It’s challenging and exhausting. Are their any tips that you guys have? 
I’m 14 with a lot of trauma and a hard childhood.",4.16086274509804,5.2150378117647085,5.344411764705885,81.97818627450984,70.88235294117645,9.901960784313726,29.46078431372549,10.125756701596842,2.9101372549019597,334,13,68,9,6,111,56,85,0.132,0.82,0.048,-0.6908,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,8,4,0,0,0,14,13,5,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,4,5,2,9,5,1,9,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,6,39,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536818481968398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238151193295044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643790527673609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943860200384935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613514062901711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400551536556747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932157715180887,0.0,0.17701036447001847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254110842367216,0.0,0.0,0.16514647891664194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673260725715638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492418052243913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640579880551445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722668488755802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633295842681454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187190141441427
bpd,hyyh420,2019/07/24,"i love being miserable and unpredictable does anyone else just like. love being like this cause it gets u more attention and worry. ik i'm a horrible person for thinking like this so u don't need to remind me, thanks.",2.282857142857143,5.0362834761904764,3.700285714285717,83.49471428571428,83.28571428571428,7.1695238095238105,20.304761904761907,8.238735603445708,1.5028133333333336,174,5,31,4,5,57,34,42,0.177,0.485,0.33799999999999997,0.8375,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,7,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,8,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914505368271593,0.2805451609800424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812727386757486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396082433791405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22872860257132835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430515983228753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013012793782931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942386682031181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302263541904705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390756083827953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208248127858823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544292665010985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780618537157655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,quickasinslow,2019/07/24,"DAE feel like this? On top of struggling to connect to others, I have yet to find someone you fully understands me mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. And it hurts. I’m in constant reminder that I’m alone in my thoughts and it makes me feel even more disconnected from people.",4.245882352941177,7.465897019607843,5.309313725490199,72.1369117647059,78.80392156862746,8.105882352941178,32.029411764705884,8.841846274778883,3.5020823529411773,232,12,37,6,6,76,41,51,0.14300000000000002,0.779,0.078,-0.5574,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,8,7,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854809180473203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978699675067062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100589932644333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820582623887487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787447150779135,0.19691796548833707,0.0,0.0,0.2519308547710504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950793614919581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466425576675856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399248921205066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777812683498708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109474356513065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354970110565504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881597920289765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882814239028164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869519728761056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheUniqueFrequency,2019/07/24,"Just completed chapter 1 of the DBT workbook!! tl;dr: vibing hard on positivity!! I highly recommend pwBPD (or struggling with overwhelming emotions) to check out DBT.

I was diagnosed in May with BPD. At first, it was really hard to accept, because BPD is so stigmatized and I had spent 11 years (mis)diagnosed as Bipolar. Over those 11 years, I felt unfulfilled, empty, lost, alone, and much worse. I was extremely self-destructive in many ways and none of the medication helped. Finally, 2 years ago, I found an amazing therapist.

With her brutal but caring honesty and treatment, I have come really far. I have had the same job for over a year, even making friends with coworkers and moving up in the ranks a little. I was able to save money and lease my first apartment. I can talk to strangers, even on the phone. I am in my first ever healthy, adult relationship with a supportive, patient partner. I have a psychiatrist that I trust and a medication that works for me.

But, I still struggle and fuck up a lot. I feel like every decision I make is the wrong decision, in short.  

2 weeks ago I decided enough is enough. Make a good decision. So, I ordered ""The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook"" (Matthew McKay, PhD.; Jeffrey C. Wood, Psy D.; Jeffrey Brantley, MD). My therapist has been bugging me to do this forever!

It was way cheaper than I expected (under $15 on Amazon) and it came quickly in the mail. It is 232 pages, very easy to comprehend, and... honestly mega helpful and relaxing!

Today, I have completed ""Chapter 1: Basic Distress Tolerance Skills"".

I know -- it's a BPD thing to get ultra hyped, complete the first few steps, get a rush, and give up. Not this time! My therapist is working with me and the DBT workbook, so I am forced to keep going. And frankly, the workbook has been so weirdly enjoyable that I actually want to complete it! 


Breathe deeply, friends! I am here for you!
❤✌❤",3.6185592185592212,6.259203814814818,4.693222629222628,79.27651282051283,76.37891737891738,8.341912901912902,30.826292226292228,9.081645337920577,3.1439423850223847,1493,73,263,38,35,487,204,351,0.10300000000000001,0.708,0.18899999999999997,0.9902,1,1,0,0,0,0,87.0,0,1,0,10,11,22,2,4,21,0,26,6,1,3,1,48,46,22,0,2,5,0,4,1,3,1,4,0,0,2,13,23,0,1,9,1,3,6,2,9,0,4,14,4,33,13,39,31,8,48,0,2,0,1,13,22,1,3,18,172,46,4,0.0846290393703383,0.0,0.08258573453975562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003707435552174,0.0,0.0,0.08765016200479915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051589076901813836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197619375209169,0.0,0.0,0.09679307560633227,0.08628494586786856,0.0,0.0,0.07290042385028482,0.35492775057978393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179338706721908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519627853434247,0.0,0.17488884087553136,0.0,0.11179336469725802,0.07655181121441247,0.07130361569004849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279098512376042,0.060459002635851314,0.08125714940114112,0.09270697599544166,0.0,0.28794167062257986,0.0,0.09279137351689198,0.1307683717722289,0.07823818320370526,0.08843036027242743,0.08118388604565226,0.04809663335114088,0.0709828230262627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516219928768624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134501223727001,0.08941522655144613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398126310006378,0.07522217866183299,0.0,0.0,0.0465099067973548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134547385845107,0.08482053029545114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238259357408483,0.07194858290957454,0.0,0.0,0.1694716228048841,0.08580056286855607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050970747822586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994727567943943,0.06221208147927131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843105934208297,0.0,0.0,0.09085991674989842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828654497093524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758486016093891,0.0,0.0,0.17694529376861864,0.0,0.0,0.0960360309779702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802161615484219,0.0,0.0,0.09678068201389677,0.29478251247480713,0.05622377330662271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049347873425550866,0.0,0.08021843390924016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698278205505263,0.04991640008342842,0.1343491845892746,0.06788431063792319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322189717720113,0.0,0.08624422117947872,0.0,0.09252856926229504,0.0,0.21799330672980413
bpd,savethebees0,2019/07/24,i wish my friends cared i wish my friends would just at least try to understand it instead of brushing it off like it wont effect our relationship. i just wish people understood me or at least fucking tried to. i feel so alone and i feel like ill never be taken seriously by any of my friends idk,3.096,4.861003266666671,4.233333333333333,86.08500000000002,74.66666666666666,7.466666666666668,28.66666666666667,8.238735603445708,1.9125666666666672,236,10,49,4,5,77,41,60,0.091,0.55,0.358,0.9578,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,14,13,3,0,4,3,0,2,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,10,6,8,8,2,4,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,3,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928202964817625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660482211766186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981697767135086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827051198966185,0.13300286669861727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315131137038501,0.17211502336649295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191059423550154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358899982388254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906973034263272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988138852572127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528000859321796,0.0,0.0,0.19381388032676156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6422733344108005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322527912075458,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sarxvh,2019/07/24,"BPD is ruining (or perhaps already ruined) my relationship we’re currently fighting and barely talking to each other. he says I’m overly-sensitive and dramatic and I keep nitpicking at every single thing he does and says and hold grudges against him and never let things go. I always think he’s going to cheat on me, and even get upset when he spends a lot of time with his female friends, I told him multiple times that I can’t trust him and it’s really hurting him how I’m always making him out to be the bad guy. he said he tried to understand me and he explained to me multiple times that he loves me and cares about me but I refuse to believe that, and if things don’t go the way I want them to, I throw a tantrum and exaggerate my reactions. he said he’s sick of me apologizing and saying that I’ll change and fix my behaviors and crying over the fact that he might leave me, then I go ahead and repeat the same mistakes not even a week later. he says he’s thinking of breaking up with me, not because he wants to, but because I’m pushing him to, and if I keep on behaving this way, he doesn’t think he can be able to tolerate this and make it work long-term. the thing is, I was only very recently diagnosed with BPD and he doesn’t know. today I sent him paragraphs on paragraphs explaining my feelings and my fear of losing him and promising that I’ll change, I told him I didn’t want to throw the blame on my mental health and use it as an excuse as to why I’m acting the way I am, but I figured he should know. I told him about BPD, I tried to explain it but I don’t know if I was successful or not, I even sent a video of a woman talking about the struggles of someone with BPD and relationships. but now I’m even more scared and I feel like sending those texts were a mistake. 1. I sounded so desperate, as if I was begging him to stay in my life but at the same time telling him I wouldn’t blame him if he ended things, and 2. I feel now that he knows about my BPD he’s going to get scared and think of me as a crazy person and someone whom he can’t deal with it, he’d feel as if it’s too much pressure and work and it’s another reason for him to leave and run away. I feel so awful, and I feel so guilty for hurting him. he hasn’t replied to any of it and I don’t know what he’ll do now, but I feel like this was the last straw and I’m so scared of what’s yet to come. I really do feel like he’s going to leave and it’s all because of me and my inability to control my emotions. I scheduled a therapy session for next week, I told him about that, I told him that I’m trying to get help because I don’t want to keep on hurting and losing people over this, especially him. but I don’t know if this will mean anything to him.",4.673241803702557,4.035613155290103,5.753201985727586,85.44314251732341,69.32423208191126,8.946033715999588,29.36167132071569,8.296473431620573,1.7619506257110356,2143,68,489,27,33,716,227,586,0.175,0.764,0.061,-0.9968,1,0,0,0,2,0,44.0,0,0,1,7,21,29,3,7,19,1,30,5,0,6,3,114,92,65,0,15,20,0,8,3,1,5,4,7,0,3,33,44,0,6,25,1,1,15,16,20,0,0,15,15,77,9,66,68,8,56,0,7,0,1,81,13,0,11,26,305,110,4,0.05905867906545501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517272093581716,0.0,0.09828310414919357,0.0,0.0,0.0401619269729087,0.06192817442121834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860026074529012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548757307482712,0.0,0.04931153013698235,0.14400649038184266,0.0,0.0,0.06653890719216897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719116941793471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021425936185995,0.0,0.12495250309973226,0.0508738226020632,0.0,0.0,0.06623933043331914,0.0,0.0,0.06487318577147869,0.0,0.060886904858588685,0.0,0.0599433160760089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168264803959472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643306486775405,0.052308460107337605,0.0,0.0,0.1560308021082607,0.0,0.04975948429258748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645743323877662,0.2388947412019973,0.12657459637452936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562858894458286,0.0,0.09256716676384112,0.0,0.20138644992414745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847737746709612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277661413823997,0.0,0.0,0.039585787674049015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967061226067028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748220260729712,0.0,0.0,0.1947426329789064,0.048140705895237834,0.0,0.18760384119073475,0.0,0.06039150069235528,0.04171489159656983,0.08655926226682137,0.0,0.0,0.05226507250467982,0.0,0.1321431104983916,0.0,0.0502095769831005,0.0533027636613514,0.0,0.07884425374869987,0.0,0.0,0.06433221514732332,0.0,0.0,0.059517257748416985,0.06265192552278469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04341492449181672,0.0,0.04554969414735492,0.0,0.06280957519221743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491678671528146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094385188280037,0.05156776056051028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566900418647379,0.06072215828839616,0.05831332068500645,0.12681383844531666,0.0,0.0,0.11235665618534177,0.18786332813862555,0.1773841218431538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000804542390051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294869387648523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174095437319939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493825825962074,0.05161988861985885,0.0,0.06753874652626504,0.0,0.1961798106341576,0.15136966744080613,0.0,0.0,0.13775036280153174,0.0,0.05598072220396385,0.2821654937556601,0.0,0.12029089911580315,0.0,0.0,0.06148216772332224,0.0,0.05100773656648045,0.0,0.0487295953542292,0.1393373562816688,0.14063409146077066,0.09474661996340543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329127186667326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599084349024824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonabpd,2019/07/24,"My fp treats me poorly and hurts me and I don’t know what to do. I feel so powerless. Any help is appreciated My fp is my ex boyfriend who I’ve started talking to romantically again. He’s never been the best boyfriend to me but he made me feel loved and secure. He goes into blind rages sometimes and says heartbreaking stuff to me, and he has left me twice on the basis of “lost feelings” and always end up saying hurtful stuff when he leaves. An example would be “I don’t give a f**k about u” or “ur so depressing to me because ur so annoying to talk to”. Obviously my fellow bpd folk know the pain of this because our fear of being left comes true and our inner thoughts are validated. 
He has been trying work on thinking before he speaks. He knows I have bpd (which is currently untreated, I am not allowed to get therapy and am unmedicated at the moment) and he knows he’s my fp, and he’s been trying really hard to not say things out of anger that hurt me. But something changed in how he feels, i used to be confident in his love for me but now he really treats me so bad. 
He makes me feel like I’m disposable to him, like he’s using me for sex, and various other things. These are not really assumptions or paranoias. He does things that would make any person feel these things. He makes me feel like he treats me poorly because he knows I can’t leave. 
The truth is I really can’t leave. I cannot function without him. I don’t know how to live without him. He’s my rock, my comfort, my home. I may be making him seem horrible but he has a good heart, when it’s good it’s so good that I could never want it any other way. And it’s good relatively often. 
But he does not care about me or love me like I do for him, he makes me feel like a replaceable piece in his game. Even though I’m untreated I’m self aware, and am able to distance myself from him if I feel like I will get angry and such. I’m a good girlfriend and I know this. 
Essentially I think he doesn’t love me or care about me. And he sure knows how to show it. 
Point is, i don’t know what to do, i don’t know if any of this even makes sense. I idealize him and love him so much but he hurts me so often. A mentally healthy person would obviously leave but I can’t see that as an option. I don’t know how I would do it, how I could live without him. He is absolutely everything to me. 
I don’t expect anyone to reply to this, I’m new to reddit and not sure if this post is interesting enough to warrant a response. Idk. But any help from someone who knows what it’s like to have bpd would be unexplainably appreciated. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, and when I do they tell me to leave leave leave. But u guys know it’s harder then just that. 
Thank u if u got this far in reading this.",2.19969552457814,3.5976054655172436,3.911731474688189,88.99705429200294,76.24137931034483,7.349963316214232,22.340425531914892,8.058908269544373,0.8960432868672039,2150,58,489,35,47,722,221,580,0.14400000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.185,0.9866,3,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,2,0,1,4,27,45,3,1,13,0,53,9,1,15,8,111,110,54,0,14,26,1,10,7,2,7,2,4,1,4,36,22,0,1,26,4,2,1,23,13,0,1,7,16,72,32,51,89,5,31,0,7,2,6,69,15,0,13,20,299,108,2,0.05135675069933469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042732930685367286,0.0,0.0,0.1746217578678473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181966838581129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288074166103465,0.0939197956505648,0.0,0.04370081224171179,0.0,0.05389574139922556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404608903257506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472326017196526,0.0,0.05432863257776754,0.04423929328999476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200837299316119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044233494123552985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988527724804693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548683762840835,0.053065251997225726,0.0,0.06784129895971823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046156136026160435,0.0,0.0,0.05779062256334661,0.23370764626156554,0.1467570918446748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053663565137372436,0.04926607494863134,0.0,0.21537802941034348,0.041074685062719135,0.0,0.0,0.05085125748918424,0.0,0.0,0.046005561132734116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085799685182535,0.06884669487984146,0.0,0.05151500832493454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991385523688106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669162521608028,0.0,0.0,0.3806556856283197,0.11159851980530328,0.0,0.0,0.17563219983411354,0.0,0.09069790353360496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056061960084178,0.0,0.2317573630378394,0.048594999265993255,0.20568617930106425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175552546825233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03775312094748242,0.0,0.07921898436516031,0.04960066984958702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054647203664244186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968546757687987,0.0,0.0,0.04854872937969282,0.0,0.04918557085285144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137064856543856,0.0,0.1645022478137654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252284839544568,0.0,0.0,0.040924681126441854,0.046753257012012016,0.05357629147055031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351440820859105,0.03953693575217456,0.05079313963035709,0.0,0.03635057247673429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758238511156928,0.0,0.0,0.09680625950388738,0.0,0.0,0.12383583255895238,0.044888063751635315,0.04728239604688425,0.058730920209893574,0.0,0.13647657260758947,0.06581466430685726,0.05045774680963073,0.04077152345055105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973572515838915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871148667848695,0.0,0.0,0.03029154216999633,0.040764598245153716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851822501270845,0.0,0.037388326165064406,0.0,0.0,0.1824118109982266,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lae7510,2019/07/24,"DAE feel like a burden to their FP? I always feel so burdensome to my FP. I know it’s exhausting to be with someone with BPD, and he does a good job at it. It’s just I need so much reassurance, it’s ridiculous. I hate feeling like this.",-0.3717647058823523,1.7013372156862765,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,88.6078431372549,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.4532588235294126,182,6,43,3,6,63,35,51,0.256,0.539,0.205,-0.6172,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,8,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,4,6,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,25,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297659817002011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477816711575802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416471165920309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188656219992524,0.3945410101571233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23160847416939576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726255994584217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27402083174724995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175627127580746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269810686752301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029905919772319,0.20475019456780028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339678220004179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thegrahamyt,2019/07/24,"Manipulative Do you ever feel like you are manipulative or catch yourself manipulating others unintentionally? Have you been manipulative in the past and didn't even realized it?
 I've reflected on the person I was at one point; I'm on medication now and am touch with reality after an episode in which I treated people horribly without even realizing it. 
I'm aware that manipulation is part of having BPD and I'm curious as to how others deal with it. I find myself doing it sometimes and feel like a terrible person for doing it naturally.",6.6223376623376655,8.299229646464648,9.115613275613278,54.89818181818186,65.66666666666666,11.71774891774892,34.34487734487736,11.491704259439757,4.762615007215008,441,20,69,15,7,161,70,99,0.113,0.815,0.07200000000000001,-0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,6,1,21,16,7,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,3,7,3,13,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819364136461105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23078375676948135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957070552849793,0.20248885729709848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263747269430009,0.3198428401064647,0.0,0.0,0.20459859998196686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218727620501515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255094639669883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168933751118274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424121854042388,0.2136940764677723,0.15519225317942853,0.3909215466933005,0.0,0.0,0.21161448885612485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139743753565155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157873726284677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,feuxdevigne,2019/07/24,"Just wanted someone to share my excitement. I’m one step closer to be officially diagnosed.

I just moved back to my previous city and had spent three months prior searching for a therapy practice that fit my schedule and didn’t seem like a scam. I found a woman who was highly rated, at a practice that my friend had recommended me to prior to me moving away. (She was a patient until she moved.)

The office just got back to me saying that my preferred therapist is accepting new patients with daytime availability, which is perfect for my schedule.

I shared this news with my boyfriend (the most supportive man I’ve ever met) and he is excited for me, but I wanted to share it with people that can relate a bit more too.

Wish me luck! :)",6.967428571428571,7.035872742857144,7.333571428571428,73.65392857142861,64.42857142857143,10.142857142857146,33.92857142857143,9.827888789773867,3.2963571428571417,584,23,103,11,8,191,90,140,0.016,0.75,0.235,0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,8,0,10,1,0,0,2,22,20,5,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,8,6,0,0,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,9,1,18,11,16,10,3,19,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,3,11,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714884257009227,0.273597954884775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422762249441555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057116840209386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092645043285986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506509557348964,0.13744998037503908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228793497420308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796779325405627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691604083500057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200312611964402,0.567258784798271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182303103379518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055392568278613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333784076918194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147824512612522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619592306891563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073944635657424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201885981974457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345137992026366,0.20656294793331506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986751211708207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458348635671547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdsucksbollocks,2019/07/24,"I'm better than suicide... Is anyone else like me, when you feel that thought creep up, that is able to turn to the darkness and say ""Fuck you, Not today, Not ever"".

​

I'm a firm believer that suicide makes more room for the BEST of us.      

​

 For all my faults, my BPD, etc.   I'm better than my life ending by my own hand.  I am better than suicide.",2.461004566210047,3.998034301369863,3.3796575342465762,92.50227168949776,75.84931506849315,5.414611872146119,23.125570776255714,5.46131890053228,0.2028283105022828,276,8,59,1,6,88,50,73,0.187,0.607,0.20600000000000002,0.18600000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,1,2,0,4,2,7,1,0,3,0,3,3,1,1,2,8,11,2,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,5,10,10,5,6,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,5,38,12,0,0.13942701915024172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021382339945872,0.3388381786305692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749061362951687,0.14285945784225124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708650505096128,0.1463200546346801,0.3699356040655787,0.0,0.0,0.17560344974553874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647338361569615,0.0,0.1234909548353141,0.0,0.15549798222055009,0.0,0.126119721168884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049849019554576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889803250734366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848142697264016,0.06811699882603821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306861795133343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108779618190504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575315870883115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068947905612243,0.0,0.0,0.13216051138099216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165655935903366,0.0,0.0,0.16771353684166715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388381786305692,0.0
bpd,dietcokecomrade,2019/07/24,"I can’t get over the same shit!! You think waking up and crying about the same old shit would get old after half a year!! Nope! I cannot get over a thing, I will hurt for I guess forever about things that DONT MATTER. Nothing changes! The people who hurt you stoped caring the fucking day of but yeah, hold onto it for the rest of your life!",1.3334285714285734,3.415906057142859,1.9642857142857155,98.7907142857143,81.28571428571428,4.571428571428573,15.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-0.9882857142857142,264,4,60,1,7,81,51,70,0.187,0.746,0.068,-0.7668,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,2,6,3,0,7,1,5,5,3,0,0,9,12,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,7,1,11,10,3,9,0,2,0,1,4,4,3,1,5,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310008885854799,0.0,0.2003540333084236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804072108116486,0.12214364109371027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196868324722369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509195812560396,0.29685207983814715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863914968493685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40550098342751656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377477958525733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172891770525507,0.0,0.3974748703679323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130214538166102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888210093369851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25165028527913,0.12135620591815605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345402610834139,0.0,0.0,0.121963705478111
bpd,wish_my_wash,2019/07/24,"Does anyone else get a bug crawling feeling and seeing them around you. Title says it all. I’ve realized that the constant itching and scratching and squirming is getting worse, and I always feel like I’m being bit by bugs. I even see them in my peripheral at times. I’ve had dreams where tarantulas are thrown at me and I wake up suddenly, terrified that there’s something in my room and unable to sleep after. 

I’m scared. I feel like I’m hallucinating. I feel like that guy in the movie Bug. I just want to know if others with BPD have experienced this",3.1192660550458733,5.327832165137618,4.1417339449541295,84.78250917431194,75.97247706422019,6.928807339449541,24.661467889908266,7.908726449838941,1.3950029357798162,442,15,86,7,10,143,77,109,0.091,0.7909999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,5,3,3,0,1,18,18,7,0,2,2,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,6,8,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,12,3,12,16,2,13,0,0,2,0,5,9,0,1,7,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301413016792156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858261662318554,0.1884206306109939,0.0,0.1637042099255774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076408287951028,0.0,0.2316074359952855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987235529254663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092644820311788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361942934502076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145992778044805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719283323736399,0.3941206768602714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215353614902828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208348474720712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010630628388384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26952323776076703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623949861181948,0.18410948212237213,0.0,0.2930786344174763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402631382468093,0.0,0.0,0.14157020678423876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722978342440227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846515561297657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740319524880356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mychippednailpolish,2019/07/24,"DAE feel tired of putting themselves last and being there for others constantly? Does anyone relate to feeling like they constantly have to be the one who's supporting others? The ""everything is ok"" person? Because I feel like I am really good at being there for others, I'm always the first person to drop my stuff if someone I care about needs support. I actually feel really guilty doing things for myself. I worry if I turn around and say ""Im sorry I can't do this immediately"" that people will just tell me to go away. And my intense abandonment complex will not stand for that. I am utterly terrified of people vanishing out of my life. This year I've had 2 bereavements which I think has set the abandonment issues off even worse.

I've come to find though that when I need an ""everything is ok"" person that there is no one. No one will be my it's ok person. So right now I'm pretty mentally exhausted because I feel like I'm doing my best to support the people I care about while single handedly holding myself up while staving off the largest flare up I think I've ever been on the cusp of. I'm trying to support my partner while trying to stop myself pushing him away because I'm angry at him for not providing the same level of support I provide him. And I wonder, if I'm just having some sort of breakdown? Because I do not feel good at all anymore. 

Sorry for the ramble, I'm terrible at words.",4.505036101083032,5.794603285198559,5.701030685920582,78.85739440433214,70.29963898916968,8.428086642599277,28.290433212996394,8.841846274778883,2.3025250541516242,1118,40,204,20,20,373,143,277,0.141,0.6890000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.8156,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,15,20,0,0,10,3,22,4,1,0,2,38,50,13,0,5,8,0,7,3,1,3,3,1,0,5,14,7,0,4,11,0,0,4,6,4,0,4,2,8,30,16,35,41,5,34,0,2,0,0,12,15,0,6,15,146,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.08428667074096481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186847261547953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856578741474211,0.0603933522444546,0.0,0.0,0.07688944488436249,0.0,0.0,0.16229878616671067,0.0,0.0,0.2106064231497656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064214770010026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612414208814833,0.0,0.0,0.07440188134414233,0.0,0.1866750241405979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755847713090278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704793069756154,0.07812847270066521,0.0,0.0,0.1552512755306218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620338508030123,0.18511264966864344,0.0,0.0,0.0789424976102844,0.07346802967734598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049087231851949256,0.14488957120793525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329664576691346,0.09014998993997388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040475640797395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100713994166971,0.12659107633385028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704272103875423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808757538799034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755838285067094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963853237751634,0.30166700327729085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878714358152379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868277759083939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066430598205353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376126687387713,0.0,0.06868652842551896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318276571629535,0.0,0.0,0.1933728984244133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221090921681686,0.0,0.0,0.09887534377963003,0.0,0.4900699477591171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549298699517862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738175842256035,0.11068745633806963,0.08486010991210763,0.0,0.0,0.09927197653827816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728191756299194,0.0939479983617531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936668141294038,0.0,0.08771501900965134,0.08802050758979878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055620774491096266
bpd,smarten_up_nas,2019/07/24,"How do you manage to function at work? Heya. Sorry if this is an incoherent ramble I'm not at all sober and not in the best headspace right now.

I have a job, it sux, and I find the social component of it becoming increasingly torturous. I spend the entire evening (it's midnight rn where I am) convincing myself that at least 5 coworkers hate me. This is just from a paranoid delusion that one of them thinks I'm into her (I'm not) and has told her bf who I also work with. Of course now every stray glance I get from her, him and their work friend circle I interpret as hateful. 

I also told a higher up manger to be quiet while I was on the phone last week and I hadn't thought about it until now and now I'm freaking out that he's mad at me too. He didn't seem that way when it happened.

How do you guys deal with this sort of anxiety at work?",1.5965449438202235,3.341359932584272,3.266727528089888,91.45660814606742,78.8876404494382,6.472471910112362,21.79915730337079,7.413659706084162,0.6290325842696629,660,19,148,9,16,219,113,178,0.158,0.809,0.033,-0.9649,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,2,5,14,8,4,0,8,0,11,0,0,2,1,24,24,15,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,13,10,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,6,2,21,3,23,17,4,23,0,0,1,0,19,12,0,3,9,104,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686446078495823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284934866444539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550518761867768,0.0,0.0,0.17626989449297306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316551186302745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093992122045104,0.0,0.1415185512809119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351782893336294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977007089664558,0.0,0.08775527267370839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631269112817715,0.14853172867013545,0.0,0.0,0.33166318921235743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166680280847537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691466165274135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381806996289028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344199756325907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290988613858514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712201264284722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802412160316687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076257941005601,0.0,0.13334619675627427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209973130988634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332354737446714,0.13473214791719282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891248278461916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kalimza,2019/07/24,"Any Advice For Splitting? I don't always split with people until they do one thing that I feel really hurts me and then I can't stop. I know that people make mistakes and one bad decision shouldn't mean that the person who did it is now completly terrible but when I get manic, logic goes out the window all together and all I feel is pain. 

My boyfriend and I went on a really long break. We weren't sure we'd get back together after. During the break he saw other women and even developed a crush on one, it didn't end up going anywhere and they've pretty much completely stopped talking. He was honest about what he was doing the entire time so I have no reason to believe he'd lie to me. He never slept with any of the women and just made friends with them aside from the girl he got a crush on. But him telling me he got a crush was all it took to destroy me, my self confidence, and self respect. It felt as of I had regressed completely. All my therapy felt like it was for nothing with the insane amount of episodes and night terrors I got after that of him leaving me to be with her. It didn't help that he kind of acted like an asshole the whole time we were on a break, he called me a whiney bitch on my 20th birthday when he tried to ditch me after we had made plans to hang out that day two weeks prior and I had been super excited leading up to it. Which was insanely out of character for him. (He is usually super caring)

I hated myself for not wanting to leave him because I loved him and he told me that he loved me. Then I started to resent him. He knew how bad all this was hurting me but still kept saying he loved me. I wanted him to lie to me so I could feel okay with leaving. The whole time we were acting like we were still in a relationship, sleeping together, saying we love eachother, spending a lot of time around eachother. It all hurt so much and the entire thing gave me some weird level of trauma because even though he doesn't talk to that girl anymore I still wake up crying some nights because I dreamt he left me for her, over and over again. We have been back together for about a month now but I still catch myself devaluing him even though he's back to normal and seems committed to me for now at least. He says he can at least see us staying together for another year until he leaves for his 4 month trip to travel around alone and that he doesn't want to leave me yet. So at least I have that much I guess. I'm scared I won't be able to ever get over this fear, I feel so hurt and damaged by what happened and I feel like I'll never be able to fully trust him again like I use too. It's awful. Please, if you can give me any advice on how to combat this I really need it. I feel lost.",4.240195673549653,4.563761235398228,5.00410766961652,87.13912118977386,70.27433628318586,7.976892822025566,25.428957718780733,7.793537801064563,1.159748279252704,2138,55,462,24,36,693,250,565,0.16699999999999998,0.691,0.142,-0.9096,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,9,1,2,5,34,40,4,3,20,2,40,8,3,8,11,90,87,38,0,9,7,0,8,5,1,2,1,3,1,7,30,35,0,3,15,1,1,10,13,20,0,4,34,13,75,20,73,45,18,80,0,6,2,4,71,23,1,6,48,315,105,1,0.12672581613501174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383500085765417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562486350469705,0.0,0.0,0.052723015408899405,0.0,0.0,0.12926685087781478,0.06644153382250888,0.0,0.0,0.06283897868166648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281284379339432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616649543503726,0.10581076313185858,0.11587632193410495,0.0,0.0,0.07138829933288868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470061353474713,0.0,0.06460270769127628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993044107370175,0.0,0.0,0.05059012620514872,0.0,0.0696011792192082,0.04086383382094348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612072944030205,0.0,0.0,0.12555180956630774,0.057315377942006425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130088751297692,0.19222914096778576,0.04526647418393387,0.12167665675138604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895402559446568,0.0,0.09931351277305377,0.0607834751090945,0.03601060085355302,0.0,0.15203131768018252,0.0,0.06980138683377797,0.0,0.05603161034487803,0.0,0.0,0.06255775365328689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247082164487029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713252143564021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598271820531235,0.034822597190698544,0.0,0.0,0.335460853809055,0.06884398501271198,0.0,0.0,0.15477958148835536,0.0,0.0,0.05607417972530709,0.0,0.0,0.06916809912088095,0.053868878559958436,0.2287499935360893,0.11991103132899468,0.04229523315610484,0.0,0.0,0.06902078235852686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115133740415734,0.0,0.13973708417778166,0.046982793463562746,0.09773876180207533,0.0,0.0,0.11892359380049215,0.0620821966869379,0.06079841919785262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288090390544753,0.0,0.06742260160101274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785572463969801,0.05532604730324904,0.0,0.06955344553394037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446285688129469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217757042240998,0.06514762257083244,0.0,0.0680280503581242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116618308856825,0.06343732472425796,0.0,0.050492034106439695,0.05768321176025976,0.13220266410235942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634086680019285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484859245727869,0.06753642929677968,0.20240680092766103,0.10594845669528966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971879098440895,0.0,0.0,0.10185741072072407,0.055381974484224085,0.0,0.0724610075073873,0.0,0.08419100123885961,0.0,0.1245074709305368,0.0,0.14778968498068612,0.0,0.0,0.06054597401627323,0.07039852228674151,0.043019255327314834,0.0,0.061896354191314215,0.0,0.07621777673611257,0.054725208452620806,0.06978529139213352,0.0,0.11211925456366456,0.0,0.05082590286005681,0.0,0.0,0.058738050584389474,0.0,0.14148484807494152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040803635360929694
bpd,BubblegumSunshine,2019/07/24,"How do you quell suicidal thoughts? I don’t plan to kill myself yet I feel like it all the time recently. I just keep thinking “I should” and even though I’m not going to, how do I get the thoughts to stop? Also do you have any tips for avoiding cutting? 

Any help would be appreciated, thank you.",1.625,3.779896833333332,2.8633333333333333,92.345,80.66666666666666,6.0,23.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7143333333333337,230,8,51,3,6,74,44,60,0.22399999999999998,0.621,0.155,-0.7041,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,3,0,1,7,5,2,1,2,0,8,0,0,2,1,15,17,5,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,9,2,4,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345828785001696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34602644773775915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804094157264382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864157815609714,0.181756542653208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292310365671722,0.0,0.1445918293395488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053127827995124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261387473882891,0.2814762440257406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429597008294815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25120745857185395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127051591220868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782924157006648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342342635935308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302102596795126,0.2499647681734079,0.4039595523694072,0.14835340429181312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073151867161985,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WAr-cat,2019/07/24,"What is ‘splitting’ like? I don’t have BPD. I have had a friend and currently have a new friend with this disorder, and I just want to understand. What does it feel like?",0.967352941176472,3.3730595588235315,1.9544117647058847,96.1898529411765,85.76470588235293,6.9294117647058835,20.264705882352946,8.07648339933343,0.8941411764705882,131,4,30,3,4,41,25,34,0.07200000000000001,0.583,0.34600000000000003,0.8541,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39555022210675017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599423769580918,0.0,0.2748378611250177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879923484104055,0.22436602779903314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852872005348634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068697574441491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30332313431507724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269497232700229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524196431426068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thunder-sniffer,2019/07/24,"How to live with myself after what I’ve done? I’ve been going to therapy for over 10 years and finally I’m getting to the point where I’m feeling better and in some kind of control over myself. 

The downside to this is that I’m becoming aware of how bad person I used to be. All the manipulating, lying, cheating, violence.. 

It’s eating me up inside! And some days I have full blown panic attacks because of it. 

I’m trying the best I can to make up for it by being the best person I possibly can. But It’s hard when my mind always want to drag me back and remind me what a terrible person I really am. 

Do you have any advice for me?",2.7142857142857157,3.814035052631581,5.123315789473687,82.01971052631583,74.41353383458645,7.726015037593986,23.82631578947369,8.238735603445708,1.3946998496240606,494,14,101,8,10,175,84,133,0.193,0.711,0.096,-0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,4,5,9,2,1,6,0,11,1,0,6,1,18,21,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,2,13,4,21,17,6,15,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,6,75,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397726177893346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396273370146381,0.0,0.0,0.11411326414947423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090259642169286,0.0,0.1290318112502571,0.1401103006818372,0.10229246897980564,0.18532761716834253,0.0,0.0,0.3522023286168055,0.148410028863854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820775745945773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822044703581092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172294099033816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717065728871516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484733166903569,0.0,0.0,0.1838223522447225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767127101592194,0.0,0.09536754038976963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032046447091446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474325321764378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817503199639195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201124837414576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943537730790625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688320145657093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395629835994517,0.0,0.0,0.15863011710198524,0.1891751064775184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750028339630466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918998266162598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139286896836302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492978189029412,0.0,0.0,0.09897583197380573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806102234056317
bpd,summer_bummerr,2019/07/24,"what to do TW: violence/fighting 
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So the other night me and my husband got into a fight over something dumb (can’t even recall it) i got a little too emotional and decided to just go outside to calm down or go for a drive
or something before i split. but my husband decides to push me down before i get to the door and i hit my head really hard against the glass table. i was so heated and i know i shouldn’t have done this but i just can’t believe that he did that to me. i start like pushing him off of me until i her so suffocated from being held by him that i try to slap him but he grabs my arm and proceeds to slap me right across the face. it was so hard that i fell to the floor and my jaw got dislocated. can barely open it still. i feel hurt and betrayed and i still forgave him and again he still keeps making me feel like crap. he tells everyone what an awful person i am and that i am so crazy and he goes out of his way to convince my own mother to think i’m crazy. i don’t know what to do anymore and i don’t know where to go. i’m broke and still in college and i just feel so lost",0.9851607142857156,2.459280670833337,2.928809523809523,94.42000000000002,79.79166666666666,5.738095238095237,20.595238095238095,6.42735559955562,0.02327380952380942,851,22,203,7,21,286,123,240,0.166,0.759,0.075,-0.9795,0,0,2,0,3,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,19,10,3,0,9,1,16,5,5,1,0,38,38,26,0,1,8,3,6,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,13,17,0,2,9,0,0,7,5,6,0,0,9,6,37,4,28,26,1,30,0,3,0,0,17,13,2,2,11,140,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860223416168807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784727513984175,0.15745923928309322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302080448775814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572087715103329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923087425141432,0.0,0.0,0.13354461584524965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119973061950043,0.09984303669699973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301770886783797,0.0,0.2382828223748691,0.0,0.33533136176139744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503911665572193,0.0,0.14343187529236054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496136700625914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422319947613722,0.0,0.0,0.2304217798188764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655725313789066,0.14007408243161898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256220377859508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328945079649996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115327573022995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220311648031736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953245807073926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935244115118727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518484333931814,0.0,0.0,0.09892132628500906,0.0,0.4464432014436722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215452187224335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955118776195219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948864068995052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093327695092284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yerrr456,2019/07/24,"DAE feel emotionally unavailable to others Not sure if this goes along with my BPD (I’m definitely a “quiet” borderline) but I see a lot of people on here talk about getting overly attached to their SO or having FPs but I’m kind of the opposite. I feel like in every relationship I’ve had I could never I never allow myself to emotionally connect with the other person. I’m not sure if subconsciously I’m stopping myself from letting anyone in or I truly just cannot feel those emotions towards others. 

One time my friend joked to me saying I was “too emotionally unstable to love” but I honestly think it might be true 

Am I alone in this?? I feel like I’m doing a bad job of explaining what I mean lol",3.863721386527139,5.546364920863312,5.80724656638326,75.93427076520605,72.45323741007195,8.507782864617397,26.305428384565076,9.095868883498916,2.281612949640288,560,19,102,12,11,194,90,139,0.10400000000000001,0.649,0.247,0.9762,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,11,0,0,5,1,10,1,0,1,5,30,25,8,0,3,10,0,4,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,8,3,0,1,7,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,7,16,10,19,19,1,10,0,0,1,1,8,6,0,6,6,75,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292818576681868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649402684350958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522569039672508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380836331538507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018316183924347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6209335417735486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627241976615045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791113093700444,0.1971769443972139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661980369221777,0.0,0.07210021448535467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694543511101287,0.0,0.0,0.14370757821650215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111613129912046,0.0,0.1348413609990653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732414622571913,0.12455196027929502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032435384805953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639804023507524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287090223762514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351355202491574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567303199863007,0.12049779830988283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816222540782192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974452437831167,0.0,0.0,0.10996952138412026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153756357845091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601300176716861,0.0,0.0,0.11092057296375783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884259441328346,0.0,0.0,0.08046992565488242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rule_hyrule,2019/07/24,"Seeking advice about a class mate w/ bpd Hey everyone. I’d like to open with my support for all of you and your struggles. I’m a person that tries to be positive and accepting of everyone. 

Here comes the but. I have a classmate who has been very open from day one about her BPD. We take an ethics class together. I try to be pleasant and ignore the small, inappropriate comments she makes but today she appeared to go out of her way to be controversial, ultimately upsetting a few of her classmates. I think it may have something to do with her personality.

I’m thinking of saying something but honestly don’t know how to go about it. I don’t want to be seen as an asshole or insensitive. I understand that the need to insight controversy may have something to do with her way of analysing the people around her. I just don’t like the upset her behaviour is causing.

I also don’t want to come off as an expert or anything. I just want everyone in a class that can be quite heavy to at least be sensitive to others.",3.4336529411764687,5.380076729999999,4.8102352941176525,81.52982352941179,74.2,8.105882352941178,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,2.374758823529412,806,34,157,17,17,268,112,200,0.083,0.8009999999999999,0.11599999999999999,0.5647,0,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,0,1,9,10,0,3,13,0,21,0,0,3,1,38,40,12,0,4,7,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,2,7,13,0,1,6,0,0,5,4,4,0,1,2,2,21,6,34,30,3,17,0,0,1,0,19,8,0,5,4,113,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624258031605302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149655410180437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147332816752316,0.12411606431748055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511968743560854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322586713514435,0.0,0.2402012058778487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991632612449107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996740664882499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847465240167674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662325613452059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362301088781971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306596132511157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338041696773373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447665968033002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665838040577887,0.2434776401204102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829356414452918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087479682845226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32200400158297193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575523259274684,0.0,0.0,0.15821561268289352,0.0,0.0,0.10482877409126533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867330776877774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215673888401344,0.0,0.0,0.1893181833399636,0.0,0.0,0.1451443008582495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503860892842335,0.2467059625965496,0.22133503786839345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WhoaCir,2019/07/24,"DAE know when your bpd is controlling you but let it anyway? I’ve been having a lot of flare ups recently mostly in the form of picking arguments with my friends and even though I can hear them trying to help me and i know all my unhelpful responses or nonresponses are the bpd, I continue anyway? Like I know I should stop and I know how ~easy~ it is to stop but I keep choosing to continue to fight and push people away anyway.",3.3885548172757467,5.105221941860466,4.568870431893688,84.1882558139535,73.76744186046511,8.635215946843855,25.07641196013289,9.23628265651192,2.014520265780732,341,11,69,8,7,112,59,86,0.138,0.746,0.11699999999999999,-0.2406,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,2,1,1,8,3,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,3,1,23,14,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,13,2,10,11,4,10,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,7,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963738431310292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.508426351857313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263831821421773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331486468233025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594277741575965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274908206559487,0.0,0.1352905671393687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794066149913153,0.0,0.0,0.4437087619908967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639731729836308,0.0,0.0986098999272972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715990143180762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993196214018355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929481490212464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374982220429412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830892955323035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703759959748027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sleepshakers,2019/07/24,"attached to a non existent baby So recently me, my boyfriend, and his family all thought I was pregnant. I didn’t have a period since May 22nd. I was nervous and upset at first but at two weeks late I took a test and it was negative. My period still didn’t come. So I started talking to my bf about what we would do if I was pregnant, and well, taking about the baby that could have been made me fall in love. I know it sounds crazy but I really got attached to the thought of the “baby” inside me. I had a feeling I wasn’t pregnant, I had no symptoms, and a negative test, and we weren’t even trying to get pregnant, but I got excited thinking about the future and stupidly let myself believe that idea. I knew I shouldn’t have. I was thinking about all the things I’d be doing years from now with my child. I went to get a blood test today per request from my bf to confirm or deny pregnancy. But when I got home today my period came. And I know it sounds totally stupid and irrational, especially since there are women out there who actually lose children from miscarriage etc but I am genuinely heart broken. The past two weeks I got so attached to the IDEA of the baby I thought I had. I quit smoking, I quit drinking, I started taking better care of myself, I was eating healthy all because I wanted my baby to be healthy. And I was empty the whole time. I feel like I really lost a baby and I feel selfish for doing so because like I said there was never anything there. I was just in denial. I cut myself pretty bad today after being self harm free for almost 8 months. I guess I should be happy, I probably would have been a horrible mother. Don’t know why I ever let myself think I could do something like that",3.3273496039392008,4.797989606936419,4.8228066795118805,83.31004388781847,73.45086705202313,7.438064654249628,26.39862984371655,8.045849151850463,1.671827788482124,1348,47,262,20,27,452,166,346,0.183,0.68,0.13699999999999998,-0.9533,1,0,2,0,0,1,32.0,2,0,0,6,19,20,3,2,17,0,42,6,2,1,6,57,76,23,0,8,8,1,3,3,2,5,1,3,1,4,9,17,2,0,15,1,1,5,10,10,1,3,32,6,56,11,27,31,6,34,0,2,0,1,15,5,0,5,27,197,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.09165626600572742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405130916905284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729144131882504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784226088394681,0.11451038564599465,0.0,0.0,0.10582017383848448,0.0,0.0830681369235898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074240234675853,0.09576176799575578,0.0,0.0,0.08090720119629699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499813274602933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200975342951584,0.0,0.09610769040652192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475007706597064,0.06203590989091842,0.08495962663516414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854317919935857,0.0,0.14247237505391988,0.06709931756270797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989169831749862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098142816907564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004783812127976,0.0,0.10346786459324946,0.0,0.0,0.09998383437084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130038094003253,0.0,0.0,0.094213420541169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120575055592003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485450652259428,0.0,0.10595035229760233,0.0,0.0,0.1920872876128062,0.0,0.1376595523871787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507692051593824,0.1025291307041559,0.0,0.08477006844169654,0.08887315077514625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496923311052914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724399716851703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966107663005862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555446459783208,0.10126594750830813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979945040673674,0.0,0.0,0.12034022671986493,0.0,0.09273860952006907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934322331974666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798320612729157,0.0,0.0,0.15538979101039554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230727657916057,0.0,0.0,0.13295976776558785,0.0,0.07500782012042195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762298895785204,0.1412383037057071,0.0754925457668049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239892580427218,0.18054810183685494,0.0,0.22369547107837606,0.05476783416307725,0.0,0.2670868821809212,0.0,0.10435300933024716,0.06376822420031167,0.0,0.18350018201023985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539880306922276,0.0,0.1506803195035996,0.0,0.08444894725540805,0.08706848015512565,0.08475179246209494,0.1048627811469959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334418160459377,0.0,0.0,0.06048397044733176
bpd,Pdno,2019/07/24,"Are people using this sub aware that what they discuss/ask about on here are all also symptoms for those who have complex post traumatic stress caused by early childhood attachment trauma who do *not* have bpd too? For example, the following list is a brief not inclusive list of common symptoms for people who *do not* have bpd, but who do have traumatic stress disorders brought on by abandonment or neglect or abuse or all of these things in early childhood:

Intrusive memories

Obsessive rumination 

Intrusive self hating thoughts

Shame, extreme shame

Guilt, extreme and often misplaced guilt

Abusive behaviors themselves

Substance misuse 

Emotional dysregulation

Dissociation, often called “maladaptive daydreaming” or “excessive fantasizing” for those with bpd, and dissociation for those with developmental trauma or complex trauma

Clinging to others, push-pull patterns in relationships, shame about excessive neediness and self hatred for push-pull patterns

Idealization and demonization of others, more so the more close one is with the object of the idealization/demonization

All or nothing thinking 

Black or white categorizing 

Invalidating one’s own emotions, only to blow up later

Splitting/getting triggered after idealizing/demonizing. (Vicious circle of feelings cause thoughts, thoughts cause feelings)

Poor boundaries - either invading others boundaries, or letting others invade yours, or not even knowing what boundaries are due to never having learned them due to never having them modeled properly for you.

Isolation -over socialization patterns. The use of people as distractions, followed by total removal of people (“discarding”) for a subconscious sense of safety. (“I’m only safe when alone” and “oh shoot now I’m lonely must find people.”)

Being manipulative, but not knowing it, due to ingrained patterns of dysfunctional communication instilled by a corrupted childhood environment 

Having self-professed “too-high levels of empathy” that is more often than not a product of poor emotional boundaries combined with emotional dysregulation combined with being triggered to one’s own trauma that has not yet been processed by observing someone else’s distress.

Avoiding close relationships subconsciously to avoid triggers. Often not recognizing the trigger avoidance, and assuming it’s just a personal preference for solitude instead.

Being triggered in romantic relationships or close friendships or by close family, but otherwise feeling “totally fine” outside the context of close relationships.

Experiencing periods of numbness or internal emptiness, often called “polyvagal shutdown” or just “shutdown” by those with traumatic stress disorders, but called “chronic emptiness” or “chronic boredom” by those with bpd.)

Paranoia.

Anxiety - called hypervigilance for traumatic stress people, but just anxiety or neuroticism or paranoia or irritability or - very often - just “constant anger” by people with bpd.

Dissociation through intellectualisation: “am I justified to feel this way? Why do I feel this way? Is it normal? Am I right?”

Switching gears - caused by a lack of integration in the brain, traumatic stress sufferers often feel totally fine some days, totally overwhelmed some days, and totally numb on other days. They’ll panic massively for twenty minutes, then they will be totally fine like nothing happened. They’ll cry hysterically for an hour, then suddenly stop like nothing happened. Lack of integration causes this in them.

Disembodied crying/triggered crying. Crying without feeling the body, the crying doesn’t bring relief, the crying is severe, the crying suddenly stops.

Dissociation of derealization: “the world isn’t real.”

Dissociation of depersonalization: “I don’t exist; I’m not real, who is that in the mirror? That guy in the mirror doesn’t seem like me.”

Lacking a solid/consistent sense of self; hypothesized as also due to fragmentation in brain.

Ok. That is a very short, not all inclusive list of what symptoms people *with* complex ptsd / developmental trauma disorder caused by childhood attachment trauma with primary caregivers, who are *without* bpd or other cluster b personality disorders, struggle with.

Perusing this sub, I noticed some similarities. Are you users here aware of these similarities? I’m just wondering. Obviously as a sub for those with bpd, then obviously bpd will be the focus. But just about everything I’ve seen here just as easily fits in with the complex/developmental trauma model.

Thoughts?",10.178418926397343,13.10215055827338,9.436312949640287,51.214170586607636,58.5251798561151,11.90730492529054,43.58121195351411,11.587645496897025,6.509462091864972,3678,210,413,114,52,1167,310,695,0.266,0.648,0.086,-0.9995,1,7,0,1,1,0,109.0,0,3,7,1,29,46,3,20,27,1,42,10,3,14,15,149,72,43,0,7,45,0,7,3,0,5,7,0,0,6,38,25,0,8,24,0,2,6,18,36,0,3,7,11,16,10,92,54,22,64,1,5,3,0,31,24,0,33,34,311,54,1,0.0,0.1097407328429504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796370857352632,0.0,0.07406897574246167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708548071857172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043294063414951726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144052242369578,0.4666116002788338,0.10339566132977167,0.18915278181946074,0.0,0.0,0.2854418245654384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050045195356732235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052194395380287,0.08959931854690059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21230336773171574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03868647796894378,0.20837230446444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03058764662921924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162088875617352,0.0,0.04365741522192282,0.0,0.16391185197768798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232695544616092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024195323386432613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045854673143984455,0.08190443944450282,0.0,0.0,0.045722028283166564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892958290384648,0.0,0.0,0.045606511192767735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090207626286083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735562100883962,0.0,0.06787490908023139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143502076886624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537445459651896,0.13330851316413808,0.05272480799459504,0.0,0.0,0.09414357426286496,0.0704424398876714,0.0,0.054335390298297016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568469417285931,0.08087307973412351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435265490410928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054134492975287885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054229689204082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988805710487278,0.0,0.0395489115639058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215933734103813,0.19324779405279852,0.052317680065624414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720771986665969,0.03923873398574761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743529859508247,0.26524259032089154,0.048413786749819915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440301565890715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03076663654808997,0.029673896663360694,0.0,0.14706144734414567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999480104546391,0.0,0.07642202041854881,0.0,0.07351823418624184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041788020576820566,0.0,0.0,0.08928333339421,0.050221758728882814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bkbrs,2019/07/24,"feel like you’re two different people? I’m not talking about some DID-type shit. *

I’ve spent such a long time molding my personality into what I thought made me more appealing/better, that now I can’t tell the ‘real’ me from the ‘me’ I created.

Now, often when I’m alone, I act so differently than I do in public; almost erratic. I have no idea what I should think/feel/act. With nobody there, I have no idea which version of myself to be like. It’s really just like taking different characteristics, throwing them into a blender, mixing them up into a shitty mess, and chugging that shit. Like, my internal dialogue is so conflicting because one minute I tell myself how much I love something and the next my mind is screaming that I hate it.",4.338181818181816,5.977187293706296,5.57090909090909,78.27636363636366,71.16783216783217,8.556643356643358,27.685314685314694,9.095868883498916,2.3574111888111893,585,21,108,12,11,195,98,143,0.195,0.695,0.109,-0.9147,3,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,0,11,10,3,0,6,0,8,3,2,2,0,21,17,6,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,8,6,0,1,4,0,1,2,4,5,0,2,3,2,21,5,11,12,4,13,0,0,0,1,8,5,2,3,10,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148224020434747,0.15667753192308168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221716261886304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741573548424229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298057149925168,0.10807244503435848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935489266728316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34154703722958313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29562554830087906,0.0,0.0,0.1338755406835033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653355794062008,0.14314212202234536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274682387103425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120613081623504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088499328507294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025093298009656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487654653084752,0.13208939538460598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172186545512143,0.0969120328641981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105676952906584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646056111349393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374160996284388,0.12159086409876076,0.2644458399397435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693230632132722,0.0,0.12009718022322942,0.08821093808753715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147775819892378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imaginary-girl,2019/07/24,"How do I tell my therapist that I think I have bpd I don’t personally like self diagnosing, nor do I claim to have this diagnoses and will not until I hear from a mental health professionals point of view. However, I do believe that no one knows themselves better than themselves (in most cases) and if something like this impacts your day to day life then surely you should be allowed to have a say on it, Right? I’ve been sure I’ve had bpd since I was as young as I can remember and symptoms have been extremely bad these past six months.

Anyways, my point is how do I bring this up to my therapist without them thinking I’m bullshitting? They probably get loads of people claiming to have mental disorders every day. I just want to get my point across without seeming like I’m attention seeking. I’m really scared. Thanks for reading",4.333674151935021,6.242585310559008,4.99776397515528,81.28946010511228,71.67080745341616,8.43210702341137,29.775919732441483,9.057496981413335,2.6154592451027234,669,28,124,14,13,215,105,161,0.057,0.816,0.127,0.8501,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,2,1,4,9,0,1,2,0,19,5,0,3,2,22,32,11,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,2,5,2,0,2,7,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,6,2,0,2,4,3,19,7,20,25,1,17,0,0,1,0,9,8,0,3,11,82,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159995588045098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370947122565095,0.0,0.10761844283686328,0.0,0.0,0.3065101538328195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23542578791196045,0.0,0.0,0.2470107194699649,0.0,0.0,0.13945889442908832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252290680733396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714835702804847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934299968083668,0.13714522502637316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687361915741516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594807611923462,0.1783440344058165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452550445937001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712595499102587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245533376492341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161598876218854,0.08435944967257113,0.10624862346082788,0.0,0.0,0.3450883943673186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119451075769584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171560998305682,0.0,0.0779530412614151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784275686302638,0.10391634464406366,0.0,0.09676695185394564,0.12182559131771074,0.0,0.0,0.11077534262902468,0.12694157420771515,0.0,0.0,0.10065717109236996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367727265126402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22936897342621965,0.12647489694379813,0.0,0.0,0.1063560265066315,0.11202906400872027,0.0,0.2825659424832819,0.0,0.1559386972063404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177159789703574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345955243034072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,andiegynous,2019/07/24,"Need some advice on how to keep going Hi all, as the title says I feel really desperate and depressed lately and I need some advice on how to keep going.
I feel like I have no energy at all, no close friends I can rely on and my FP is miles away. From the outside my life looks pretty great, but inside something is killing me. 
I have a stable job that I don't want to lose, but can't get myself out of bed every morning. I just wanted some advice or encouragement on what to do. I understand BPD emotions come in cycles and I'm waiting for this one to be over.",3.5148076923076914,4.187884017094017,5.141100427350427,84.25216346153849,72.07692307692308,7.559401709401709,24.026709401709404,7.645422480735847,1.0732914529914537,438,11,91,5,8,149,80,117,0.11900000000000001,0.725,0.156,0.5684,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,2,28,25,10,1,4,4,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,7,0,3,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,0,4,13,4,18,24,5,15,0,2,1,0,4,11,0,4,2,64,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847550738229123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535841969238756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826145340652716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244048252946648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242181052987507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600445831822496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393204715221483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672190159403536,0.11813113084756505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775446966592754,0.0,0.08639224933264852,0.0,0.187952478209153,0.0,0.0,0.18230676423901707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640913866834867,0.2939539404465992,0.1829431091068293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865299884595213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679659565111625,0.08078511668055555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885830078554595,0.1849922755909849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24522035887646515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120502367459549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822759709778431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593197952858796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149858680253804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272999586444552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214255170030107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506377983808296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jynxynator,2019/07/24,"I made a song reflecting on my struggles with BPD Hi guys! I hope this isn't inappropriate for the sub or thought of as a shameless plug (I know it looks sketch since it's a relatively new account but I used to be active on the DPDR subreddit on my old account), but I produced/recorded a hip-hop song about some of the issues that are salient to me at the moment, and would love to see if anyone resonated with the lyrics! I share my music with a few close friends and family members, but none of them truly understand BPD/serious mental health issues, so I'd really like to hear your thoughts/feelings!!

Here's the link if you're interested, the lyrics are in the description (I'll post the lyrics in the comments for those on mobile).

 [https://soundcloud.com/itproductzion/the-problem-with-me-is-me](https://soundcloud.com/itproductzion/the-problem-with-me-is-me)",9.61816590563166,11.009391486301372,7.466803652968039,70.42286910197873,58.794520547945204,9.776560121765602,31.97564687975647,9.725611199111238,2.895300761035009,711,23,115,12,9,207,99,146,0.043,0.76,0.196,0.978,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,1,15,0,5,2,0,2,0,22,15,10,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,12,6,21,11,3,12,0,0,2,1,9,8,0,5,4,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049866718144744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340926958817536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624594421363617,0.0,0.087136328212582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331434147825075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063595223054112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318104872803492,0.19423089158566567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116473915495875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597400452360284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470925925424828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419279831522894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471562823460998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553652075098506,0.16306487553742158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367030448255158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643949331748856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808336335210637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650465914292121,0.0,0.0,0.3297972445887791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104004073281241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373264355404967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255496013078314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015901186781505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681250123174132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940387700474447,0.0,0.14883967231675846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241983622293,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Genesisofmypersona,2018/11/15,"(X-post) Anyone ever experienced feeling like their brain is stuck in a specific point in their life and hasnt 'caught up' to your physical self? It feels like no matter how good my current situation is, my mind is distracted and not really in the 'here and now'. It's stuck at a time a couple of years ago when things were terrible but I actually felt 'with it' in the present moment. It makes me feel nostalgic for everything that was in that period of time, like as if I miss all of the individual things that I experienced no matter how toxic, but really I think I just miss how I was experiencing life. Im just here floating around wondering when I will get the 'real me' back again, whether this is just me now or whether that wasn't actually the real me at all",6.816307947019869,6.112122576158942,7.869263245033113,72.26230546357617,64.96026490066225,12.053311258278143,32.12003311258278,11.45678717892309,3.5352708609271524,603,20,122,17,8,206,90,151,0.10099999999999999,0.8170000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,16,8,0,1,8,0,10,3,1,4,3,33,23,15,0,1,10,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,8,7,16,4,16,14,2,26,0,2,0,0,4,10,0,3,18,90,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.3097810019225569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069813472751924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098263226724106,0.0,0.0,0.14129689228531025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220479918582643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718707374965545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756236959753655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357380792908847,0.0,0.0,0.14264976674495838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407649635636023,0.2267831183696335,0.1523987241570091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292608208375905,0.0,0.0,0.1331291061277777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144779920487285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242211344856798,0.23263174423910185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594866333455832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602647234802424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004429568913796,0.0,0.15201251260287835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613224603193175,0.20336370675703672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655824369050779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784110131517622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089667512018032,0.10170312465551416,0.0,0.0,0.18510501550550115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212804392924155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221224244645713
bpd,RedStellaSafford,2018/11/15,"DAE want to be calm, collected, level, and ""normal"" – but you can't help feeling that you need to go to Herculean lengths to get ANY kind of attention? I'm a 27-year-old male. I am financially independent and have a steady career. And yet, because of anxiety, depression, and all of the mental blocks that come with having BPD, I can't seem to find a girlfriend or a steady network of supports and friends. I never get invited anywhere, I rarely have invitations of mine reciprocated, and promises of ""I'll talk to you tomorrow"" are empty words that never get fulfilled – everyone always has something better to do than associate with my weird ass.

Two weeks ago, I managed to shake that for one day. People approached me. People asked me ""what's happening."" Two even asked to photograph me. For this one day, people actually seemed interested in approaching me. And when I posted a photo of myself to Facebook, I got over 50 likes! That never happens.

Entirely by the way, this day was Halloween. And the reason people took notice of me for a change was because I was one of just four people in my warehouse who dressed up for the occasion.

I was dressed as a Viking. I still can't pinpoint why I did this. Part of me just wanted to have fun. Part of me wanted to try something different than ""normal."" Part of me knew this would be a potential conversation starter, and for once, I'd actually be able to contribute to the conversation. But I may as well admit it: Part of me wanted others to stop ignoring me and put their attention on me for a change.

I'm not proud that I felt this way... But what am I supposed to do? Everyone else in my paygrade at work flocks to one another – I'm excluded. The ""more senior"" folks at work (I work in a unionzed warehouse where seniority is extremely important) turn their backs on me because I'm ""that weird youngster."" I sometimes I fear I've become overly reliant on my Spotify and earbuds – they're the only ones at my job who want to associate with me.

**My point... And I do have one...**
This example from Halloween is just an illustration. I *want* to be normal. I *want* to have a level personality. But when I'm just my normal self, I get ignored and feel unfulfilled. So I have to do all kinds of crazy and outlandish things to attract any kind of attention.

Does anyone else here get the same feeling? Examples you might want to share?",3.5261640798226166,5.798051727272727,4.7647450110864735,80.49394678492244,74.96452328159646,8.036363636363637,28.73835920177384,8.841846274778883,2.5370159645232824,1863,80,343,41,41,614,220,451,0.129,0.777,0.094,-0.9453,4,0,2,0,0,0,81.0,0,4,2,5,14,22,0,2,20,0,32,1,1,2,5,69,69,24,0,14,10,0,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,20,18,0,4,13,0,0,7,7,7,1,9,9,4,50,15,66,53,8,45,0,1,0,1,21,17,1,5,19,242,70,10,0.07080744255879581,0.0,0.1381956996819998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627665255517594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891746447487663,0.0,0.0,0.09630297806129487,0.0742477773375462,0.0541674997489858,0.0,0.0,0.04951021019215274,0.07255059253791972,0.0,0.0,0.13239080098066802,0.0,0.0,0.05444655264512431,0.0,0.12949067931876304,0.07820125724796026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626234288374693,0.0,0.0,0.08917949517076848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980977099075052,0.060994342044961285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699482809055955,0.0,0.060986346520728874,0.0,0.0,0.07397870687802117,0.0,0.0,0.06196407014613727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830106489058795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676764800918929,0.0,0.0,0.13531909150243526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967805851946598,0.10740711144998216,0.0,0.06798624894623792,0.0,0.06471671971375917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470565447547002,0.0,0.1849698313377681,0.0,0.04024150136431776,0.0,0.056631180197246986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522957521914602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047460736190329776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026546097198258,0.0,0.0,0.2212051658464751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034592939812153334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135724801103986,0.07511550694751984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250282145950021,0.1638331945251425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775050394562645,0.0,0.0806147426617584,0.07430049987156245,0.07540761542018508,0.2878857335331408,0.05385225077152632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067102406250811,0.0,0.2454448259090007,0.06182632767196206,0.0,0.0,0.06693592020609775,0.0,0.06781395698637875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118103691845397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280184391334715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892087272793698,0.07386760511823888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109022057240828,0.07003037123226716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056546915093156624,0.059198192526551466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035144670956433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691234019050631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470413185411008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866967402651233,0.0480736055748225,0.07701816463499117,0.13833716531226994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341125134300434,0.1124073041760215,0.056797459381571415,0.0,0.06366439449235335,0.0,0.06389270351615113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464598448612227,0.0,0.0,0.050299575628993884,0.0,0.0,0.04559767149466954
bpd,Krystal787,2018/11/15,"I can’t tell whether I’m being supportive in social situations or looking like I’m being too over enthusiastic and coming across as super fake. I just had a rock climbing lesson, my last one which had an exam too. I’m always super pumped at climbing (cause I’ve just started it but it’s so awesome and I hope to continue it as a hobby) so tend to be really supportive to everyone in the class. Like saying “omg that bit when you swapped feet on that foothold looked so awesome!” or going “wooo!” when someone makes a tricky bit. 

The friend I go with tends to put me down a lot in front of other people, and I don’t really know why. I think I’m being annoying to other people and come across as fake but I’m genuinely excited for them when something good happens. 

I failed the exam as well (not on anything super hard, and the bit I need to retake I can do tomorrow in 15 mins so no stress) and I’m worried it’s because I annoyed the teacher. Which again sucks cause he was a really awesome teacher and I was thinking about getting a technique lesson once a month and now I feel like I’m gonna be so awkward if he is my teacher for any of them. 

Does anyone else struggle with knowing if how’re they’re acting when excited is normal? I just feel like a bit of a dick haha",2.325982008995503,4.165108881226054,4.207299683491588,85.11005997001502,77.04597701149426,6.68472430451441,25.52407129768449,7.586124646067393,1.4057281692487087,1002,37,199,14,23,340,144,261,0.133,0.62,0.247,0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,8,18,25,3,3,15,1,15,2,2,3,0,38,46,28,0,5,11,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,10,12,0,0,8,1,0,9,4,9,1,1,4,6,19,16,29,36,5,32,0,1,2,1,9,11,2,6,16,124,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404021437353972,0.0,0.0,0.07685626649426029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902496860051451,0.11580052427582994,0.09300436689828563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889485911094254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935465076794402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322016925144348,0.0,0.19471038180629985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890300765547334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944122222679222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799375437437554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429081768339447,0.16148048070379914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731759793416953,0.0,0.059047356320157125,0.0,0.12846172009412352,0.09479432246866576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994164043275784,0.0,0.1012421278369927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225259543217957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422371821714713,0.09212493524033324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208599779193175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898136841633805,0.0,0.0,0.0960840507423932,0.0,0.0,0.07544054076064033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021006651349052,0.0,0.0,0.08380157953627586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073386148233152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036071787399324,0.07658407213615638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670520957466505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361452891437032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172071009578503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987662632360975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703721676337998,0.0,0.11520784457015708,0.09575997271057393,0.08700694883724673,0.0,0.0,0.07999487920643662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946199140897982,0.11815118448169698,0.0,0.0,0.2565034779123463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878290747473503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448350263151677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161695448682233,0.0,0.10198136646097494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477549043765335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lacedrifle,2018/11/15,chronic emptiness how does one deal with chronic emptiness and feeling like you’re gonna be alone for the rest of your life,4.587500000000002,6.7229560833333375,3.3483333333333327,92.43000000000002,71.5,4.800000000000002,32.83333333333333,3.1291,1.2447333333333337,102,5,19,0,2,29,22,24,0.271,0.59,0.139,-0.5859,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696022834449357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674520368946267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39678743983335774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229260777907928,0.3239205158690365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202611643824509,0.22151617852090716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072464491754717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sgb1971,2018/11/15,"...and i thought I was finally better!! For the last 3 years I have been doing so good. I wasn't leaving my husband every other month to be with someone I just met, in turn he didn't have to come hunt me down and bring me back home kicking and screaming. I wasn't losing my temper and physically fighting 3 or times a month with him. Not that we havnt had physical alterations but I can honestly say I didn't provoke any of them. I've become much calmer. Almost too calm, actually. But lately I feel like a storm is brewing inside of me. Like I'm about to explode.ive become quite irritable lately, real poor attitude about everything. ",2.804569892473122,5.139823758064517,4.331935483870968,82.40956989247313,77.54838709677419,7.036559139784948,25.655913978494624,8.07648339933343,1.7920075268817208,502,19,93,9,12,167,89,124,0.094,0.6970000000000001,0.209,0.9192,0,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,1,0,1,3,6,10,2,0,3,0,13,0,0,1,0,18,20,8,0,0,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,9,3,17,6,12,10,1,13,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,2,11,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.16956362646747578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399444415204324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816201399368045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360987261403354,0.0,0.0,0.3838061185345917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367563129596126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967791117871354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639937180467447,0.0,0.15616329996932193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785772334818655,0.12413339660503506,0.0,0.1903443873960224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574072575982402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429434936688054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163669904324735,0.39201522697783664,0.18398559181851531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977964837451034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943917691301523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773854007736368,0.0,0.12773278828969226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848139841037046,0.0,0.1977756748014213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818005559960786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722535652062052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794516168350704,0.10132021496359438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899979274940076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118950380496663
bpd,kikanipa,2018/11/15,"I'm splitting on everyone I know I feel horrible. In the past week I've started splitting on my best friend, my coworkers, my mom, and I'm starting to do it with my boyfriend. He's so important to me and I want him to feel loved and appreciated because that's how I truly feel about him. I don't know how to prevent these thoughts and feelings from taking over. ",3.00382882882883,4.604514337837841,4.368648648648648,85.70855855855856,74.54054054054055,7.636036036036036,31.25225225225225,8.344100000000001,2.296998198198198,287,14,60,5,6,95,48,74,0.044000000000000004,0.677,0.27899999999999997,0.9499,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,16,16,7,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,12,3,11,15,1,8,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544877519006251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659577313209498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421619341109257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125645574906893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579834519278352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785555149942339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22872924980805695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968125702026641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419263210655676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587562036309209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054680410567307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201194038673402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494787830093913,0.0,0.2032851752656136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hellomynameistemp,2018/11/15,"I need help/advice I was recently diagnosed with bpd... so I have that going on at the moment... any who... I have kind of a dilema.. can’t really go into details because I’m writing this at work.. 
I was sexually molested as a child by my uncle. To me, it seems like I made it up.. but the memory of it is so clear. I’ve been told multiple times that if you think it happened... then chances are, that it did. 
Now, this uncle is currently living with me and my family. He’s been living there for almost a month and I’ve been falling apart since. 
Usually, whenever he does this, I tend to drink my life away until he’s gone. But things are different now, I’m doing better (I was, until he came back) and I’m medicated. 
I wanted him to leave the moment he got there but nothing that I did made him go away. Without the drinking, I feel EVERYTHING. Mostly rage. This led me to tell my mom that I was molested as a child but i didn’t tell her who did it. I told her that having him around is a huge trigger, that I can’t sleep and I worry about having him around my siblings. But that did nothing. He’s still here.
Now last night, I had it. I told her that the memory of the abuse was of him and left the house. When I came back, I panicked and I told her to not believe me, that I wasn’t okay. He’s still there. 

I don’t know what to do. I know that telling her is easier said than done but it’s more complicated than that. My mother herself suffers with depression and has had drinking problems in her darkest moments. This uncle also happens to be my mom’s last and only brother, her other brother past away. I also have a little brother that my mom needs to be there for. I care too much about how she feels and her well being but I want to get my uncle out of there. 
I’m currently at work and dreading to go home to face her and her questions.
I’m sorry for the long essay, I’m sorry for the typos, Im at work trying not to get caught and I just need advice or some sort of peace of mind

Thank you!",0.4842380952380943,2.5605846619047625,2.7438095238095244,92.01452380952385,84.52380952380952,5.638095238095239,19.333333333333336,6.937597516519254,0.2568190476190475,1538,42,340,20,45,523,188,420,0.122,0.7909999999999999,0.087,-0.9523,3,0,3,0,1,0,62.0,0,2,0,4,26,14,3,1,15,1,37,8,2,5,1,59,77,32,0,7,13,7,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,2,31,21,3,0,7,3,0,10,8,7,1,0,29,3,60,7,50,45,4,53,0,2,0,0,47,18,0,8,26,243,91,3,0.0,0.0952531345179068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571191675793321,0.0,0.0,0.08050246311653565,0.0,0.0,0.12858128294253504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054670327088085516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313449336871994,0.0,0.0,0.22659697862887265,0.12363525622366782,0.0,0.04900712269915015,0.0,0.0,0.09057592835954964,0.0,0.07110150499692364,0.0,0.0,0.101252780935458,0.0,0.0,0.18389746115038014,0.08196651661909246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924279143420588,0.08159769571889539,0.0,0.08399408167836336,0.0,0.0,0.07035288110077476,0.08227044789615763,0.0,0.23626502960763826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225248114791144,0.0,0.0757878234837223,0.0,0.08129872385074229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400455632204834,0.0,0.1827578823743229,0.0,0.06429801460131865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218338780707618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053886058844726414,0.0,0.08064122104420142,0.0,0.0,0.0927632886651762,0.0,0.0,0.08683876015057547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371744407671255,0.08836431454209118,0.13106284164698126,0.0,0.08512509345644004,0.08734775744439899,0.0,0.0567842964698099,0.039276196282635484,0.08057539280083544,0.14197784150524814,0.07114570501163403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214052001055356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809879790220458,0.0,0.0,0.08117450295333696,0.2824676364491757,0.0641693132894868,0.0,0.05909846218467577,0.17883225295969446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754438403281241,0.0,0.15427943551252368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611428685462889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674467881596697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692570844030397,0.0,0.0,0.09005910290081681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051502125534150206,0.0,0.07937886838926335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647261482647093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318721001578743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650232213682289,0.0,0.08045154491684606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998785066562806,0.0,0.0,0.12840468306171945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080234997204164,0.07401552042981474,0.0,0.0,0.05340985965480583,0.051512899491761216,0.0,0.0,0.04687808802066533,0.0,0.0,0.30727768310517123,0.0,0.0545818996252922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088542066595669,0.0,0.09483632158196016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228339851643145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749645136939799,0.0,0.17558224522058194,0.08164348712398813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,witchhunt333,2018/11/15,"DAE completely change who you are every few weeks? Before my diagnosis my parents would get upset with my impulsive decisions and ""phases"" i went through. It seems like i was constantly switching friend groups and styles. My beliefs  and dreams change with it as well. I have spent money for different schooling that i never come close to finishing. I have been through more jobs and burned more bridges than anyone i know. My room is a museum of my past lives. 

I dont know who i am or what I truly like",3.6793567251462,6.153457894736838,3.9287719298245634,85.69584795321641,75.3157894736842,7.590643274853799,25.292397660818715,8.515128840125781,1.8491520467836249,400,14,75,8,9,124,70,95,0.027000000000000003,0.8059999999999999,0.166,0.9062,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,16,16,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,5,2,2,2,2,1,1,0,4,0,16,4,9,11,3,9,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,7,51,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249525398608234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341094660389872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311672538669065,0.175547714858789,0.213670758904675,0.2202254386385301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291799378820625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23884128015738534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170252427151567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744825357644107,0.0,0.1064722730682959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223090689360013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399616971606934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912376560418385,0.0,0.17995099518698845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717601530812875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262855477318534,0.0,0.1945413619734253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624715247039124,0.0,0.1855234751799385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634686738135479,0.0,0.18323238838715136,0.1889160977201086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476712534299974,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zestymeatman,2018/11/15,"Y'all ever hear of micropsychosis? I was in the ward yesterday and they told me I probably experienced micropsychosis. I hear voices a lot and last week, was building a crossbow in my bedroom to fight a demon. I pulled out of it on my own and kind of knew it wasn't gonna work. The hospitalization was for a separate deal lol.

I don't really get the interpersonal symptoms of BPD but struggle a lot with regulating myself otherwise. I'e only been diagnosed with traits as far as I know. Does anyone else get these kinds of symptoms? I don't see a lot of talk about it around here.",3.4768141592920334,5.620597433628323,5.002840707964602,79.32125221238937,74.6637168141593,8.76778761061947,26.34424778761063,9.3871,2.4449794690265487,462,17,89,12,10,155,75,113,0.051,0.93,0.019,-0.4956,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,4,4,1,1,9,1,7,3,0,0,1,14,16,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,7,5,13,2,18,8,4,11,1,0,1,0,8,6,0,3,4,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463060165640332,0.16797581833874844,0.0,0.14594128327974434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647658628724175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901485569764044,0.0,0.1663955646974487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346492600948604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695076421984856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829304053072298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130368037009433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695444021666737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34143639129617925,0.09009709090307927,0.13363291300425567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41812756428402587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468369418213453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767549582429093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502410865738876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306388883590914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713855962666646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407926901662073,0.0,0.131768695232598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665161604364003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150271259596866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935021198382174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hurt_kid,2018/11/15,"Sometimes it's the small victories. Went out with a very fine lady the other night and had a drink with her. I texted her saying how nice of a time I had. I didn't panic when it too her 30 minutes to agree that she had a nice time. I didn't try to smother her with texts from the responses. And there was a natural ending point to the conversation and I didn't try to keep texting her.

It was very difficult, and I'm still anxious that things might not work out. But I at least didn't let the BPD win today. Now please excuse me while I think up of all the ways she doesn't like me.",1.9644000000000013,3.2348712400000004,3.256200000000004,93.9811,76.6,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.20131999999999994,455,10,108,5,10,148,76,125,0.055,0.7440000000000001,0.201,0.9453,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,1,1,11,0,12,1,0,1,1,16,16,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,9,1,1,1,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,10,1,16,5,14,4,2,17,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,10,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300877365737977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565136843619739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951785577516795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803900769380489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103015959820967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826511493443933,0.0,0.099502272659602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160603780379051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112934248511607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23896141713293384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235671474035347,0.1925328179459493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196557950293605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143362000005866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265014174024875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530847997195525,0.13050272317184686,0.0,0.0,0.23752179373109455,0.0,0.1930541783240915,0.0,0.0,0.2765554494998783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360961281242659,0.0,0.1616627885601649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888029890163879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827328926662153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Octothorpei,2018/11/15,"DAE experience psychotic symptoms? I went off all my meds last February for the first time since I was 14 and it was horrible. My BPD symptoms got much worse with erratic mood swings and anger and I was extremely paranoid. I had severe constant dissociation with weird beliefs about others wanting to harm me or the universe giving me signs that I should kill myself. I also would feel things like bugs crawling on my skin. I couldn’t think straight or concentrate or remember much. Every day was hell so I went back on abilify and things have improved somewhat but I still don’t feel the same as I did before I went off my meds.

Has anyone experienced similar things? I don’t know how to deal with it.

I’m genuinely terrified of going off my medication ever again now. I don’t think I could function without it and I hate this. ",3.660400843881856,6.13775115822785,4.574962025316456,81.02341350210973,75.39240506329114,8.010801687763715,28.254852320675106,8.841846274778883,2.517439156118144,665,28,121,15,15,215,104,158,0.159,0.772,0.069,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,4,0,3,0,15,4,1,1,2,31,29,13,1,5,5,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,7,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,10,4,23,1,15,15,5,20,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,4,11,88,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348616351044627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922746037405253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912078789667784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075579607897632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178731917899189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533553600879748,0.0,0.1133043741974039,0.0,0.0,0.09152084538420252,0.1463039943437913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283666105767849,0.11956612551419216,0.0,0.0,0.13881617400721824,0.0,0.0,0.1435089160253491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070941142761192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613394797339945,0.08065128317013512,0.0,0.11349917859667685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401077178605586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570034791473294,0.0,0.07799056611601853,0.11567639346031708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933053911729269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31526222580079105,0.14296038769163766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086418050659345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075748222082106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031901980280686,0.0,0.11739023333927638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333029601175967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949997005214629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828380582528872,0.18186165827049236,0.0,0.0,0.08274943662753645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370277579661088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946587147886403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679712552747464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461941760771724,0.10080949218730494,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pandajungle,2018/11/15,"Feels like my FP is abandoning me, but suspicious this is all a ruse made by my brain I just need to vent and hope this is all in my head.


I've had the same FP for a few years now. It's been a super confusing friendship, to say the least. We ""work"" together through e-mail every day but live and work in 2 different places, 30 minutes away. 
*Long story short:* We built a friendship a few months, met, I got feelings and embarrassingly came onto him the first day we met. He was up front and told me he didn't want anything to happen because we just met, we work together and didn't want to ruin anything,
and he really didn't want a girlfriend. We still hungout multiple times afterwards.



In the last few months we've started to talk more often. There's an event coming up
that I went to last year as his guest and I'm aware of this year's because of a mutual friend who had told me she's asked him about inviting me to it again and he said he would be fine with that. 
Here comes my nutty brain: last year he asked me 3.5 weeks prior to the party. It's now a little over 2 weeks from this year's and still nothing and it's eating me up inside; I'm irritated, upset,
and feel rejected. I've asked him twice this week if he's wanted to chat/play video games since we normally do, and he's been busy each time hanging out with his roommates but continued to text me.



I feel absolutely pathetic because I never normally chase people. Is all of the emotional turmoil just created by me? Should I really be tracking how many days he has left to ask me?




**TL;DR** I feel rejected from a longtime FP/friend/crush and I think I may be inventing it/the issues and making a mountain out of a mole hill. I need to be talked down",2.0803977272727288,3.99319169886364,3.550568181818182,89.1989772727273,78.0340909090909,7.013636363636365,22.647727272727273,7.972316293177498,1.0638022727272731,1346,41,288,23,32,443,184,352,0.11,0.778,0.11199999999999999,0.3673,1,2,0,0,0,0,44.0,7,0,0,5,13,13,0,4,18,0,21,4,3,3,4,65,55,20,0,12,7,0,5,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,12,29,1,1,6,2,0,6,4,8,0,2,18,7,36,5,38,30,10,53,0,4,0,0,40,16,0,5,32,168,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062457074291852,0.0,0.3422313993309972,0.0,0.08598505180625103,0.0,0.0,0.16736727950627314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204330796594974,0.0,0.10467328041883264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767091727444624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770664252019583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561780798977043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364671796494152,0.0,0.10294648346934687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710864969676455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313736162013456,0.06538114526377747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784595913639063,0.0,0.0,0.14141460391339394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319605252444898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092989174363567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939248302553646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089895219781452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552199050163436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238004400449848,0.0,0.0,0.09943559037454226,0.0,0.0,0.04471152871344485,0.09172601549515193,0.0808128960790098,0.08099137731095228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659742888516092,0.06108959959435279,0.09278583536038093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609908113395378,0.0,0.0,0.13572026095328185,0.07058504443395867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933824946868634,0.0878148861612395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344770603937656,0.0,0.09561780798977043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172587461399193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705546456181755,0.07277953020539807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570540854654766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477757305352529,0.0,0.14617427900453536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147118906134897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058641638008030926,0.0,0.0,0.10673085364399393,0.0,0.0,0.1749005282015025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592095553122506,0.0,0.2202329073313676,0.0,0.0,0.08483896939187968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988062342539,0.0,0.0,0.06501242543195858,0.0,0.0,0.29467596702837656
bpd,ADHthaGreat,2018/11/15,"I (28m) feel like I'm missing out by not being able to enjoy casual sex. .. and it isn't for lack of trying. All of my one night stands ended up with me getting bored after 10 minutes and pretending to orgasm. After the initial excitement, I find myself thinking ""what is the point of this?"" in the middle of the action. 

It's not like I'm not a total perv either. I have an irresponsibly sized collection of porn. Based on what my ex-girlfriends have told me, I'm apparently pretty good at it, too. 

I love telling my partner I love them and telling them they're beautiful souls but I can't say that stuff to strangers.

I avoid relationships because they break my brain so I can't even remember the last time I had sex... 3~4 years probably. People are always shocked when I tell them that but I really just don't see the point without romance and I'm terrified of romance, so that's just how it is. 

..but everyone else seems to be obsessed with it. Everyone on TV, the internet, in movies, etc..

Makes me feel even more defective than I usually do.

Can anyone relate?



",1.8630745341614912,4.338091928571426,3.535631469979297,85.97618012422363,82.09523809523809,6.890269151138718,23.89233954451345,8.04050195162591,1.5789420289855074,835,31,164,17,23,277,132,210,0.133,0.758,0.109,-0.9079,1,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,4,0,9,16,0,2,9,0,14,7,2,2,2,29,29,11,0,1,10,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,12,7,0,1,6,3,0,1,8,6,0,1,2,4,24,10,25,25,6,22,1,1,1,6,13,10,0,1,11,110,36,0,0.1474534109384567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226930501472648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310285339074138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988623069500395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460677237818186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231784040306508,0.0,0.1305999556003733,0.0,0.16444953074525984,0.19478317451722305,0.0,0.0,0.2817961062575983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491137500995129,0.10534074623701807,0.0,0.0,0.13476974625397545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703832130024267,0.0,0.0,0.1236769252154802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019421025943665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407657685010147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26616492067497044,0.0,0.0984262967959206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383750373977455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991824737616767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222562902882887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787822689824693,0.0,0.0,0.1500131293825356,0.1589797164323554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446243080755194,0.0,0.0,0.15830978044933913,0.16703597026869174,0.0,0.0,0.11726087072481607,0.0,0.0,0.11750127766047914,0.13423604735555825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879887760504972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866423412971454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448219182158384,0.0,0.0,0.08598126970713374,0.0,0.0,0.14089805312879913,0.0,0.10011118693111204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239910008772507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421398262574322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495516219438788
bpd,zep666,2018/11/15,DAE find themselves letting go of one bad extreme and picking up another? I let go of sex and drinking and now I find myself shopping till I drop and binging which is something I used to never do before. ,2.6454999999999984,5.05386455,3.9450000000000043,84.59000000000002,78.5,5.0,32.5,5.985473137389443,1.91,162,9,28,1,4,53,31,40,0.141,0.8590000000000001,0.0,-0.6808,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,9,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,5,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735947556196785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785521958544246,0.0,0.0,0.22202158074218808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25559982426013794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769477484584414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29657086383842296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336116566604107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012356662418711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680445515631066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086704395442795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22534895225068396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wnhpa,2018/11/15,"In the process of getting a diagnosis I had my initial assessment for a psychiatrist today to see if my depression is caused by any underlying issues. I've thought for a little while now that it could be BPD, and the woman doing the assessment said she wants to put me forward for another assessment because she thinks I have have BPD traits. I was surprised she came to that decision because I didn't get onto any of the reasons why I think I have it. I'm worried that the team will decide that I don't show enough symptoms and that'll be it. Should I try contacting them with more information? I'm in the UK and it's through the NHS",6.5185151856018,6.134103078740162,7.1880764904386965,75.8420472440945,65.45669291338582,10.721709786276717,36.253093363329576,10.290406445055957,3.6085644544431945,509,23,100,11,7,169,81,127,0.052000000000000005,0.9309999999999999,0.017,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,10,0,15,1,0,2,0,17,26,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,5,0,0,7,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,2,15,1,15,14,2,11,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,1,4,71,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25130419719426894,0.19375078998486372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252720311489588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654307040394097,0.0,0.0,0.21133129387537625,0.0,0.18981295405771634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752634916385496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914486925262586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092008800768445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307272072068726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928551944248593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851912680968736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857480806757844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899776030525404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757616068891332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724030185996642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920500824908097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367903859632725,0.0,0.14668926561949674,0.0,0.0,0.17514336975554293,0.0,0.0,0.12544886044464096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898400891955692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672905539305508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764613347544692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Stupidsexysociety,2018/11/15,"One thing I don't understand about the lack of identity Most people with BPD that I know have a very strong sense of ethics and right and wrong, even if they might not be great at consistently applying it (but that's more of a human thing than a BPD thing).

I could also be wrong though. What are your thoughts / experiences with this?",4.272307692307694,5.894951615384612,4.003076923076922,89.51692307692308,71.30769230769229,8.276923076923078,22.23076923076923,8.841846274778883,1.1167538461538469,265,6,57,5,5,80,51,65,0.175,0.772,0.053,-0.8021,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,10,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,5,2,8,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585471250035945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993988844584826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582931541929891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309477655138808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393470192352802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858052270595385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895760022726726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032077106566088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343449839587189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744737175327654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931154137410465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951421000628564,0.0,0.1947878150596583,0.15739497840737174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063939266743653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635838959952144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335287491849173,0.0,0.0
bpd,IAmAllWrong7,2018/11/15,"Need Advice So I’m diagnosed as EUPD/BPD as is this guy I know. 

He wants to have a one night stand with me, and I understand it can’t become a relationship because he’s trying to get his kids back and he can’t associate with bad/sick characters like myself. 

And part of me is very grateful, because all relationships end in heartbreak. I’m already too cynical and jaded and bitter, and I’m not even twenty yet. And I would never ever want to jeopardise him getting his kids back-they have to come before anything else. And the guy said we’d still be friends after. He’s a nice guy, he makes me laugh and we have good banter. And that’s the main thing. 

I just really, really like him. He’s not quite my new FP, right now near enough everyone has let me down so my world is kind of crashing down. 

I’m still quite fragile, I’ve got a paranoid schizophrenia diagnosis pending alongside my EUPD. But part of me feels like I deserve some fun just for one night. 

Thoughts? ",1.968659793814432,4.304662824742271,3.3383608247422707,88.40496391752579,80.54639175257732,6.35422680412371,23.1020618556701,7.554174236665415,1.0862214432989692,764,26,154,12,20,249,121,194,0.076,0.789,0.135,0.9113,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,2,12,12,2,0,6,0,13,1,0,1,3,32,30,15,0,4,5,0,2,3,1,1,1,1,0,5,4,14,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,3,4,20,9,17,23,6,20,0,1,0,0,21,6,0,1,15,93,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907270441146987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446709630793227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027410008956697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739386856443171,0.10174162098512317,0.14856012096082793,0.13457634515277142,0.10368737348305906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346876693551226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496500844457986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367756846837025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179200118340448,0.0,0.10792501282706814,0.12590604889392018,0.0,0.08048232678039388,0.11022242514077364,0.0,0.11643514058890775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161220851186936,0.08705134191340116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414282196455526,0.0,0.12732564534624882,0.0,0.0,0.10220396843882923,0.0974564542929045,0.0,0.0,0.3619589470008706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689046952335606,0.06696686386579763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460228180095202,0.0,0.17859270701677205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133738863376906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035197221733067,0.09398004290385756,0.11768575721792085,0.0,0.22870034859422314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514060943065495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639084373884993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920994286137033,0.0,0.0,0.15612346895088744,0.0,0.0,0.2616476400332931,0.0,0.1040612395873102,0.11590948706123833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946228853782168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095328570428797,0.0,0.0,0.09673715344483937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827297458410652,0.0,0.0,0.12685259184765627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005409486892025,0.14374334412761086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656041205861778,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teahontas,2018/11/15,"I feel like I’m dying inside. My thought process is running so rapidly that I can’t even begin to sort through what I’m thinking.

It’s literally driving me insane.

The light within my soul is slowly dimming and I can literally feel it fading away.

I thought I made progress, I thought I was high functioning.
I thought I was past this.

But it’s never going to go away, it’ll never end.",1.862307692307692,4.156328243589743,3.4919871794871824,87.39259615384617,80.66666666666667,5.438461538461539,28.98076923076923,6.6274283507984215,1.4782769230769226,305,15,60,3,8,101,52,78,0.04,0.882,0.078,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,13,20,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,7,3,12,1,6,12,0,14,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,7,38,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781696536420902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886995424971394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825137364240892,0.0,0.0,0.13292641739621244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352021302014198,0.14377595023632014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287546556094721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263597814309185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832257451836864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043147035364155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31043909662401503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211978541586136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895548393964965,0.0,0.6390930158675632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Journey115,2018/11/15,"She’s ignoring me and acting like she hates me. Do I keep quiet or reach out? My girlfriend (undiagnosed) has been really awful for a couple of weeks. I have a therapy session next week to start the ball rolling on what to do. I think she has bpd and/or ptsd and depression. Wtf am I supposed to do until I see my therapist? She’s giving me one word answers, sleeping on the couch, says she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me because I don’t understand her, all the usual stuff. Now if it’s bpd I will likely just leave after reading all the horror stories here, but what if it isn’t? If she’s depressed or had ptsd shouldn’t I be talking to her and trying to help? I feel like I’m neglecting her by keeping quiet, but if it’s bpd I know I’ll just make things worse by trying to talk. Desperately seeking ideas/experiences/advice. ",3.818859649122807,4.748287216374268,5.1487865497076015,83.52914473684211,71.57309941520468,8.039181286549706,27.11549707602339,8.344100000000001,1.7262549707602337,658,22,135,10,12,220,104,171,0.17800000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.066,-0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,6,1,16,1,1,1,2,32,30,13,0,7,11,0,1,3,1,2,0,3,1,0,7,5,0,4,6,2,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,5,26,3,17,24,2,12,0,3,1,0,16,3,0,7,11,91,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128613301682858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023168596704999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972959567433479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563022667713146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672075371311215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654883333548355,0.09402625525928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262577359776432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994321778962212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821920392618844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23397209559069745,0.0,0.0,0.144665051620295,0.0,0.0,0.13936198229877544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929022929262855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785447642392781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997474972645246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918617883827093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30770333140310197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165127910713784,0.0,0.08431636331433068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466605711990554,0.0,0.0,0.10488064230850766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171071329687234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315824301386127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066844426430714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157536726983506,0.0,0.0,0.1505139799611898,0.15281592790446674,0.08743959758002492,0.08433400182759282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871679009212382,0.0,0.0,0.13701654585904832,0.0,0.0,0.1449560572161592,0.0,0.07763032751528934,0.0,0.2111482903079442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412760385913114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Activated_Raviolis,2018/11/15,"DAE feel like positive thinking feels fake? I hope this is flared correctly, wasn't sure if I should tag it as ""questions"" or ""venting"" but here goes I guess.

So for the past week or so, I've been trying really hard to redirect negative feelings. Whenever I feel myself start to get really depressed or angry or anxious, I've been doing my best to make them constructive. I'll write my feelings/thoughts down and list objective truths. Like for example, if I feel like I'll never have a relationship, I'll write how I feel about it and then write down objective truths such as ""My worth isn't based on a relationship"" or ""it'll happen when it's ready"" and it does actually work really well. I stop feeling bad and I'm able to go back to how I felt before I was triggered by something that made me upset.

The thing is, I feel good and all but also... empty? I'm so used to carrying around negative feelings. I'm so used to just breaking down and wallowing in my emotions. So when I bring myself to a baseline level of content after feeling bad, I just feel weird. I feel like I didn't experience the bad emotion as completely as I was ""supposed to"" but why would I want to? I don't like being depressed or upset. I like that I'm starting to be able to regulate my emotions for once instead of ignoring them until they explode or something. But I feel like I extinguished something that wasn't meant to be I guess? It just feels improper, even when it feels good and healthy. I almost feel like I'm depriving myself of an emotion I'm meant to have, that I've always had. I'm supposed to be depressed, right? It's all I've ever known.

I'm really proud of this progress though. Maybe it's because I'm still adjusting? It's only been around a week. Does it get less awkward or uncomfortable to do? To I begin to feel more authentic as I continue to do it? Will I always just feel this weird when I regulate my feelings like this?",3.6014843749999983,5.146787846354169,4.920229166666665,82.58518750000002,72.88020833333334,8.349166666666667,28.68541666666667,8.936278230431713,2.341436041666668,1519,61,299,31,30,505,167,384,0.185,0.635,0.18,-0.7233,0,0,3,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,3,4,28,32,0,3,8,0,26,0,0,7,8,80,74,41,0,6,18,0,21,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,21,9,0,2,26,0,1,2,8,14,1,0,13,21,39,18,42,53,5,31,0,4,0,0,9,9,0,15,28,190,60,1,0.12950238754641652,0.0,0.06318782465065664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648389672733062,0.0,0.0,0.05178150626647268,0.10775636065858582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731504182691809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528458101686816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978967115893509,0.16219362642437435,0.03947172672529577,0.0,0.055098496750230125,0.0,0.0679523830337885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678903947281939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731032494803175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332841204305848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913455108897746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276755280415135,0.05857116184367087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333909229014402,0.0,0.0,0.6220628334209592,0.2775495946168815,0.06217130036543849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765965247906933,0.0,0.036799595613160326,0.10862045847477313,0.0,0.0,0.1426614801106471,0.0,0.0572592668095467,0.0,0.05800435119018221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431254564247209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847074631161185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061269145166577006,0.04322192464487636,0.0,0.06505127729716367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994011242237432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895790811811252,0.0,0.04924620066506475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181234120682165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253615603284494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592509112077353,0.0,0.0,0.1390370993092539,0.0,0.05529716568780784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954589727117049,0.0,0.0,0.09166245645048428,0.0,0.05171038698981093,0.05413489736093091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061027233832346976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430178159544848,0.041489950431260185,0.06361771912240946,0.05140521507739655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396181019201966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184848312263856,0.0,0.0,0.03819193173302047,0.0,0.10387900382613678,0.0,0.05821909950787031,0.0,0.0584278809763978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713964024989144,0.0,0.0,0.04599739025397891,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FateismysolaceTA,2018/11/15,"Do psych nurses mess with your head? This was happening to me and I thought it was a test to check if I was psychotic. Nope, they just hate personality disorders and wanted to mess with me because when I was really psychotic they did not treat me and only made it worse.

Just remember that if you cant trust yourself then dont trust anyone else, psych nurses are trained to deal with personality disorders by recognising they cant help. I was never offered meds, just ridiculed.

If you are visiting the ER and not being asked important questions or consistently offered meds then dont trust or rely on the ER. Trying to trigger someone is not part of diagnosing either.

Also, BPD or NPD, males are gonna get the shit end of the stick, just because some females online have an understanding therapist doesnt mean males are gonna be treated the same because of the same label.

Everyone is different, you can be a little NPD or a lot along with BPD. NPD always takes precedence over BPD, if you cant cognitively empathize with people consistently then its NPD.

Also no amount of CBT became a replacement for meds, if you were ever on meds and they made you better, just stay on them.",7.106340117281821,7.391234363228701,7.3448430493273555,72.95658157985515,64.11210762331838,10.62835460503622,33.297343911693694,10.389873798559362,3.430970610555364,945,36,169,21,13,307,124,223,0.11699999999999999,0.8390000000000001,0.043,-0.9204,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,7,5,1,9,11,3,0,11,0,25,3,2,3,2,44,38,20,0,6,18,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,11,0,0,5,0,1,1,12,5,2,0,10,0,19,6,21,23,7,15,0,0,0,0,23,5,1,12,8,119,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031428648618346,0.08860522319238556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445777348833889,0.10910791056365568,0.0,0.0,0.09955041831877262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473938066810625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417857571896232,0.0,0.0,0.4023477152768338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097828124414823,0.0,0.10808146416995444,0.0,0.11125563350076363,0.24408530178386445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496025578418272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889557311397639,0.0,0.09431535201869534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632305389820696,0.0,0.1017523276979854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055634753924380165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416558028656836,0.0,0.0,0.1051332834792324,0.10928577752619288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137559568287764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672735735069104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053093740770676,0.0,0.2015200308960573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599491755849108,0.4731295814609624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212888372236858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098771292267833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531440451567608,0.0,0.0738242684912444,0.18595965089012712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928914925349855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821792069683097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062834373299712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930676915024493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902255892485986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350034411058825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006452758294813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236389289245795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453831453377669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229728213162008,0.0,0.0,0.11085610778444972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280844331917404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851874871793744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,freizusterben,2018/11/15,"Is it real or just my fantasy? I learned about bpd not so long ago and absolutely by chance. And it explains so well everything that happened in my life. but I can't understand whether this is true or just another insanity. I can't stop thinking about it. I constantly analyze my actions to make sure I have symptoms of BPD. but what if I'm just trying to match? 
Did anyone have something like that?
p.s
sorry for bad english.",1.208815261044176,3.86597043373494,3.030391566265063,85.65554718875505,91.65060240963855,6.622088353413655,27.398594377510037,7.793537801064563,2.2815871485943777,338,17,64,8,12,112,60,83,0.12,0.706,0.174,0.4646,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,2,21,13,10,0,1,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,8,4,8,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860004722228128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002367543651208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467170979218396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751981905415215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285437761144333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267502695125912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858049560088996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555081647633512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482082082233678,0.1025116984582796,0.0,0.0,0.18569178660456964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006227907546848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388309851237733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153637588856568,0.0,0.2348860381083553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542617928716805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776105590992726,0.21809234956313928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344497512287295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245990613255455,0.0,0.0,0.21843906497677312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866119058306285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,puppystares,2018/11/15,"seroquel some background - so i was on seroquel on and off for the most part of this year. my psych tried to prescribe it a couple years ago and i don’t remember anything from those few weeks really except for hating it and constantly saying i can’t do it. my mum says i was like a zombie and slept basically 18hr a day. also, should mention here that i was not prescribed it for mania but as a sleeping pill. (diagnosed with persistent depression, ADD, anxiety) i’m posting here because from what i’ve read the people on this sub have more experience with seroquel than those over at r/depression. my experience with it this year has been pretty shitty, it’s not worth it’s side effects IMO. it’s a very strange, angry drug that really takes over your days. it knocks you out cold, you can literally feel everything shut down, and it’s so hard to wake anything back up again. cement-like mornings and afternoons. not even sure i ever felt rested. and don’t even get me started on what happens if you happen to skip it for a day. i didn’t think it was possible to actually feel your BRAIN hurt, but well... 

anyway, so i recently got off of it again after struggling with it for a year or so. very clear that i didn’t wanna be on it anymore, even if that meant feeling all the shitty fucking feelings. have switched to melatonin for my sleep now, but i find myself missing seroquel... like stockholm syndrome. i’ve dealt with quite a few different kinds of substance dependencies so i know this isn’t chemical as much as it is psychological. having a shitty day and all i can think about is how even 100-200mg would knock me right out and i wouldn’t have to face anything real, just sleep. 

been romanticising the drug quite a bit lately, especially cause melatonin is so mild. at my lowest point this year i think, and i keep seeing it as an escape. can’t stop thinking about it and i guess i just wanna know if anyone else has had the same attachment to seroquel and what they did about it? what has your experience on seroquel been like?",4.649610650371017,6.0822544708860775,5.256246180707116,81.63784810126585,70.11392405063293,8.081187254474031,28.304233958969878,8.53829466247534,2.0307337407245747,1616,58,308,26,29,520,202,395,0.132,0.7979999999999999,0.07,-0.9808,2,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,6,1,4,26,12,2,1,16,0,33,12,7,4,5,68,59,31,0,8,13,1,6,3,0,3,4,2,0,0,34,20,0,2,15,1,1,0,11,6,1,0,15,10,32,6,51,40,12,44,0,3,1,1,11,20,1,8,26,222,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.08538746348700982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756354823037094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997378846440251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693732753829794,0.0,0.08677657495354145,0.061182095748921035,0.08965418005838924,0.21601534988531385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728216632900996,0.0,0.053339241272494065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552743336740947,0.0,0.0,0.09767903581092494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988669300393226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945565097518735,0.0,0.0,0.0968171826837796,0.0,0.2257212712775505,0.0,0.1507273945203129,0.08881074708157051,0.0,0.09141896812851427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294464442190988,0.0,0.07309509544843806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311719305852248,0.07914883873544168,0.0,0.0,0.07863943672317675,0.25677562695626754,0.0,0.0,0.17697069355576794,0.0,0.08401380597042966,0.0,0.07997349489562199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808924210558476,0.045715184353480265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998181336243915,0.0,0.09639121137100318,0.0,0.15475207703458466,0.0,0.07838289174729343,0.0863882213350395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367065352724008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777409827127757,0.0,0.09111787638986886,0.09617551967238616,0.0,0.09870391008163072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824436904688905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432263229680392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475406808145888,0.0,0.060661543473801975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271586533762491,0.09864320167251164,0.08380089669082932,0.0890190459685354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861342275853109,0.08752376639588494,0.09959425592943613,0.11210959340650918,0.0,0.08639578044490855,0.0,0.0991205421615494,0.07472459674323917,0.0,0.13916716335867768,0.0,0.0,0.06972624116617865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626898374390154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193301238464158,0.0,0.0,0.07315399125283034,0.0,0.0914740898961971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246779706980445,0.0,0.06578917637712113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426609221719815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059406815843832436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439347208966974,0.0,0.0,0.07018729237246367,0.0,0.07867308711700059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215755175183976,0.0,0.0,0.2817359381516916
bpd,CeWeeds,2018/11/15,"Advice, my gf with bpd always talks about wanting to hurt others and I dont know what to say. I usually try to steer the conversation away from it. But she will talk about wanting to kill my ex or her ex.  I know people say therapy has helped but she does not work and can not afford any kind of treatments.  I really care for her but not sure how I can be more supportive.  ",1.8089610389610409,3.6543366493506495,3.4116883116883163,90.19467532467534,78.61038961038959,6.997402597402598,20.090909090909093,7.957251820313856,0.6818623376623374,290,7,64,5,7,96,56,77,0.092,0.81,0.098,0.3582,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,16,12,7,1,2,7,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,11,4,11,10,1,2,0,1,0,0,13,1,0,1,1,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181389424836648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333034815774455,0.0,0.0,0.1334850292317494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844224336867196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472224174036643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013238350111692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177611495068834,0.0,0.2300523107133973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157013179165092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013423350841548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171675888213847,0.20440751071018806,0.21575347611675685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608389032535004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574943481400006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31219794141194795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274939838335736,0.18500252399062664,0.0,0.0,0.3155435292620629,0.0,0.0,0.2244765685773884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326912157060014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618748189889914,0.0,0.2315557603707553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290263344063908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heyou4,2018/11/15,"I feel like a child who can’t articulate anything Suspected I’ve had BPD for a lil over a year now. Still haven’t fully admitted it to myself or pretty much anybody except for a friend when I had a breakdown a few months ago. I don’t even know how I would start to talk to someone (therapist, family friend whatever) even tho two of my close friends have BPD. I don’t know if that makes it harder because I feel like they’ll hate me/ think I’m making it up if I say I think I have it too. Anyway I feel like a child ",1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,3.6776576576576585,90.66261261261265,76.83783783783784,7.095495495495496,22.243243243243235,7.793537801064563,0.7786648648648646,405,11,93,6,9,136,70,111,0.054000000000000006,0.737,0.21,0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,1,0,7,0,10,0,0,3,0,18,23,6,0,3,4,0,3,3,3,2,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,4,14,6,9,19,2,10,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,3,10,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121343666048036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310936671700507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711027590666732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012757718228653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043765739300727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017768935448442,0.0,0.24164675671142125,0.3414205552572905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692337629970359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727977767951598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509868959588634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334837497593362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267339311970146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715498023701566,0.0,0.11710681330232706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206949909148122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266849819054195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497781243392898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275623306447467,0.0,0.1272204274915326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804256848763068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496429113842533,0.0,0.2041512174916608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556169180935892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316503302825985,0.0,0.0,0.10258659116264268
bpd,throwaway77890098,2018/11/15,"Not asking for diagnosis just want to share my experience and similarities with someone. So I'm a 24 y/o male and for the past 3 years maybe, I've noticed a huge change in me and for the longest I've thought it was just depression or maybe bipolar. But after each day I've noticed more and more that I become less of the person I used to be. I now walk around in a fog with hardly any emotion and I don't want to associate with any co-workers because I feel like I'm always being judged. The only time I'm ""happy"" is when I indulge in risky behavior such as drugs and drinking and after that the next day my brain is so scattered and I feel like a huge piece of shit and tell my self I'm done and I'm going to be better only to repeat the cycle as soon as I start to get caught in my own thoughts and the cycle never ends. I've done a lot of reading about this disease and I feel after everything I read this describes me and my emotions almost perfectly. The thing is I don't know who to talk to. Sometimes I don't trust anyone and I honestly had second thoughts about even writing this just because tomorrow I'll wake up and regret it. Why? I don't know. It's the way my mind works. But after reading through this sub on my other account I feel a sense of hope that I can turn my life around for the better. It's a struggle to wake up every day and be surrounded by people who you think dislike you just because you cant take a joke. I feel so serious all the time and I don't know if any others feel that way too but it makes it difficult to meet people. I've never actually been diagnosed and going to the doctor and trying to find a therapist all just seems like so much on top of work and paying bills and living in this constant state of mind. I'm not suicidal but not being here sounds alot better than this. I've never opened up to anyone about what I feel because I don't have to many people who I feel would understand. I come from a big family as well and I still have no one I trust to confide in. I really just wanted to let this out and give it a try. I want so bad to change and be better I just don't know where to start or how. But I'm willing to do what ever it takes. This isn't how I envisioned my future and I can't let this defeat me. Sorry if this seems a little discombobulated. I didn't plan on actually posting this I just started writing but what the hell. 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bpd,chel_more,2018/11/15,"Thank you. Long time lurker here. I got my diagnosis two years ago, and I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with living with BPD. 
Long story short, I was in a really dark place for a while (reverting back to old patterns, like pushing away my FP, self- harming, and letting self care fall by the wayside). 

I read through a ton of posts here, and I finally realize that I am not alone, and that there is a supportive community here that understands what so many others cannot. I feel rejuvenated, and I have started to take care of myself again. I feel like I can do this. I know progress is not linear, but I have hope.

I just wanted to say thank you, to all of you, for existing. For staying strong and not letting BPD win. For reminding me that I can be strong, too. ",3.890064935064935,4.9561483961038935,4.964805194805198,84.4029220779221,71.53246753246755,8.457142857142857,26.98701298701299,8.841846274778883,1.8569038961038964,599,20,126,11,11,197,99,154,0.040999999999999995,0.767,0.192,0.9634,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,4,12,12,0,0,5,0,13,0,0,1,1,24,28,10,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,7,9,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,3,20,11,20,23,2,21,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,14,90,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250323514432868,0.0,0.0,0.14608530467445427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252115720628724,0.10845877552337732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552951795151219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876198358934284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541639944656068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263827826769582,0.10076617793231664,0.0,0.1545134261474597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281060346778765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400945173730492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775174141092863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884664480236921,0.0,0.13781985126714996,0.0,0.12454977092661645,0.2496496965347679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300260354574576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800829153259826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736727254506068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508695006048765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410882117866475,0.0,0.09036026846872636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216865444800628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942919106077136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983594545492737,0.15034057708537005,0.11264274545722525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006191573694914,0.0,0.0,0.10605207742066257,0.0,0.0,0.2597198553467785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224741357595305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576371950715172,0.0,0.1377853953117767,0.14683806774641658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319496904113342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083160231030588
bpd,oddrey510,2018/11/15,"Shout out to adults that cut? I used to cut a lot as a preteen going into late teens/early 20’s but haven’t cut in almost 5 years. I’m 29 now and recently started again. Part of me feels ashamed because it feels like such a childish thing (literally I did it as a child).  And literally decades of DBT and therapy have helped... but are there other adults here that are cutting? 
Do you also feel the urge and the resistance to indulge? Like... now that I’m an adult, there are so many other ways I can harm myself (booze, sex, abusive relationships, fucking up at work...) cutting seems like kids play almost. But I’m still so drawn to it.... 
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bpd,lalalarka,2018/11/15,"People hate me cos I’m Borderline This all comes back to my bf, who is amazing but... His mother, his friends, even his other friend who WORKS IN MENTAL HEALTH. They think I’m terrible, that I’ll just manipulate him. Even when he fought back at that suggestion, their response was “You won’t even know that she’s manipulating you!” and “Look, no offence but I’m glad it’s you and not me” (in regards to dating me)

They’ve never met me. His mom has barely said two words to me all year even when I try to be polite and speak to her. I’m starting to feel guilty, as if having a diagnosis makes me disgusting or like I’m contagious. And yes, he even admits it fully that this is why she dislikes me. What did I do? I don’t know these people, and they all hate me just because of the word “borderline,” thinking it’s the same as psychopath???

I guess I wanted to vent. It’s been hurting me so much emotionally having to live quietly with this, because I of course never wanna make him feel burdened with my problems and I’m not sure if me being offended is justified or not. He is nothing but sweet to me, and comforts me when I’m sad....but knowing the way everyone in his life sees me, I can’t not feel terrible about it?

So I guess, I would like to know what you think I should do?? Should I speak to him about how hard it’s upsetting me - but maybe he will leave me bc it isn’t important and I got that upset over nothing?? Or maybe I should try my best to show that BPD people aren’t bad - but how do I do that when I’m already a villain in their mind? I don’t know anyone else to use as an example, I only know that I am a big influence when I’m his only source of reference. 

I don’t know if this is where I should ask but, at this point, I have nowhere else...",1.0543495934959353,2.983627653116532,2.9576355013550137,92.1141768292683,81.41192411924119,6.268021680216802,21.36111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.5992607046070466,1360,41,308,20,36,455,172,369,0.188,0.7140000000000001,0.098,-0.9874,1,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,4,4,2,21,24,6,2,7,1,32,2,0,9,6,73,72,32,0,11,18,2,4,2,3,7,2,4,0,0,26,11,0,0,15,1,0,1,14,14,0,1,7,11,58,10,31,56,6,24,0,1,2,0,39,10,0,8,14,207,84,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970124547233373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950968105803773,0.10185714276530683,0.0,0.0,0.09293479380787344,0.0,0.0,0.1528800824873935,0.08300307543551629,0.12119864817785908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432450829268278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520323065038072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563278655928838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608835344177816,0.11182270514244844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282963538567813,0.0,0.0,0.09499037526696386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079382679406778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360761264810116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950714121740515,0.0,0.21902232269689745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890517027746168,0.1962932991642628,0.0,0.10566802580305208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642030436316392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824313903708946,0.0,0.0,0.10526068135309402,0.0,0.0,0.07021611952328596,0.09713326620389863,0.0,0.08778072203545634,0.0,0.08347924004465712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271369846729333,0.0,0.1997411191440654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100181751020173,0.0,0.1003756136108015,0.11642761910956782,0.0,0.0,0.07307768066841883,0.0,0.15334201509768688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907728713288172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121134654280086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067548269344774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397444379239492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512180433774622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456153543732844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921678271248775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036280606480949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369261058668746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109346065214874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498553037229674,0.0,0.09710898218780943,0.0,0.0,0.08585819572545128,0.0,0.0,0.05863450729629153,0.07890691467017334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970193069483966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237155741423454,0.0,0.0,0.0706179078165208,0.0,0.0,0.06401668646290684
bpd,wowsoanon,2018/11/15,"Thinking of calling in sick tomorrow. It takes me two and a half hours each morning just to talk myself into getting out of bed.  I can't focus at work once I'm there, because I'm too busy trying to solve all my real life problems in my head.  None of them seem solveable.  

I'm proud of where I've gotten.  I was in and out of the hospital, constantly attempting suicide, and unable to hold a job. In the past two years I haven't made an attempt, and I haven't been hospitalized in a year and a half.  I'm able to care for my son and hold my job.  

But it still doesn't feel like enough.  I'm still struggling, lonely, and my life doesn't really feel like it's worth living. ",3.0570212765957443,3.868766368794329,4.387014184397163,88.72350000000002,73.25531914893618,7.3421276595744684,24.738297872340425,7.554174236665415,0.9954987234042552,522,15,116,6,10,173,86,141,0.14300000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.071,-0.8756,2,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,4,6,7,0,1,7,0,7,4,1,1,1,23,21,8,1,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,11,0,2,4,0,1,0,6,3,0,4,4,2,12,4,19,17,4,18,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,1,10,70,15,3,0.16213911605922973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883850022884036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556216573641658,0.0,0.16531163482801056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521478348377525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753304940691888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396481762977216,0.23166443381928195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847109960957205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664015102128853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967436888057238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217961084255071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22904730539192306,0.15842596428688374,0.0,0.1431718100066103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341995197506014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267286695477965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547801327019301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514523670275668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845498108453405,0.10387046955689044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760536174099925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589690150570708,0.0,0.0,0.1695030082814579,0.0,0.1773538767253748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190843681457675,0.130321279767851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389219868019237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008181671311501,0.0,0.31677271330970724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803920755867148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882454960482014
bpd,wiggyzoila,2018/11/15,Self Harm Does anyone ever have self harm urges where they want to randomly stab themselves or cut off a finger? Been struggling with this lately. Really want to stab myself in the leg but I don't think I have the guts to do it.,1.7028260869565202,4.1191227608695655,2.6197391304347843,92.66656521739132,82.26086956521739,5.419130434782609,15.72173913043478,6.742157984588678,-0.27980347826087026,181,3,37,2,5,57,36,46,0.26,0.693,0.047,-0.8573,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,5,3,3,0,1,8,8,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,6,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078449791240086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26380549312296164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726835037110326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400546168592828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311993213121656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6289670755349492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151464472529737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316033174465086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556121965362021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuzzychihuahua,2018/11/15,"Any tools to help you identify your true emotions? I’ve tried looking at some emotion wheels that writers use for character development, but I think they’re pretty basic and I don’t always agree with their classifications because of over simplicity. 

Also, I bought a “dictionary of emotions” book, but because it reads as a dictionary, it’s not helpful in narrowing down what I am feeling. It seems more like something I would use to look up a word that I don’t understand. 

Any advice would be super helpful and much appreciated. Thank you!",6.52469387755102,8.245155959183677,6.847551020408165,70.90459183673471,65.93877551020408,9.681632653061223,35.42857142857143,9.957137785484203,3.8504938775510222,436,21,71,10,7,141,73,98,0.055,0.669,0.276,0.9753,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,1,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,17,16,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,10,4,12,12,3,6,0,0,2,0,7,6,0,2,1,46,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624771949594194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296612054820145,0.13835002372692667,0.0,0.0,0.2261387080809497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271339141787614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610943720349504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407114681523191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33434198347908195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812311610224904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27924997707244803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222763791480952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915644353542053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631507209800794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513660334824136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800282853701755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530791478617764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653915168462023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288646806502844,0.0,0.0,0.17309301404221694,0.0,0.28720792349077623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362269844349142,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vatrume,2018/11/15,"How do I behave normally and build relationships with healthy people?! Why are my instincts awful and why am I so weird? I am so awful at this, ugh! On the order of my therapist for the “next stage of my recovery” I’ve been putting myself out there, talking to people, and trying to make friends for the past few months.

My attraction instincts are terrible. TERRIBLE. Crisscrossed every which way. I naturally vibe best with creeps, weirdos, or overly self absorbed people. I will spare the story of the first few people I tried to “befriend” but I learned very quickly that they were bad choices.

When I talking to someone more normal & not mentally ill, I’m fine at a basic level, but I don’t know how to build a deeper friendship. I can’t share things about myself. I just feel...weird. Shame maybe? I don’t even know.

And Jesus, don’t even get more started on NORMAL MEN. A universally well liked classmate (so, green flag for normal?) has been talking to me a lot. He took me out to lunch that he paid for, he invited me out again, he’s funny and nice, seems like not super fucked up. But he talks to me like a normal human. Theres no overt flirting or grabbing or craziness. 


I don’t know how to tell if a guy is interested if he isn’t aggressive and doing something flashy, daring, and absurdly direct. Is this what just friends do, or how normal people show interest, or what? I have no fucking clue. 

I’m a fish out of fucking water. Just flopping on the ground dying like a dumbass.

I’m trying not to be weird but I can barely take the insecurity of all of it and how awful I am at humaning, seriously. It is driving me crazy. 

It’s long winded but PLEASE, any tips? A book I can read? Did this get easier for some of you in recovery and at what point?",2.5026843580311784,4.709760112716765,3.9482238570677883,85.43045104221406,77.9306358381503,6.62168505867928,24.35768085479068,7.686295010490155,1.3284134874759157,1373,48,267,21,33,453,184,346,0.146,0.664,0.19,0.9659,0,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,1,3,20,29,4,2,16,3,27,6,0,6,1,53,44,30,1,8,18,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,5,13,15,2,0,5,3,1,3,11,13,1,1,6,2,30,16,39,36,8,32,1,0,1,3,22,17,3,10,13,179,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189480768414888,0.0,0.0639519982149736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852140385159205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986916063565923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760107433132956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422812262767408,0.0,0.07923470536670546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755061949972662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999234405500576,0.0,0.0,0.14531371668018303,0.2608218111204605,0.09826645498757368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311667594821137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504958869437802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837772969977683,0.0,0.0,0.08322448835135349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995141218606892,0.0,0.0,0.06277397469497711,0.0,0.09447814433252373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477253329638287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506367763875492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001506758591233,0.0,0.552849002550812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977402960731606,0.3259854966980626,0.0,0.0,0.10323022014753544,0.08890038367896387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453850000467433,0.0,0.0,0.09406776296013536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096625064030734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856125904779627,0.0981066431332844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968174728224528,0.07239836763532413,0.0,0.0,0.0665636337226857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070811624802903,0.3023505982094686,0.08219712732163416,0.0,0.0,0.10919037460283308,0.062477534546350286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448447086888404,0.1915456738597387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759475777176215,0.0,0.07464641136476048,0.0,0.0,0.08455533411107913,0.0,0.16971712167048608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VoidsIncision,2018/11/15,"Stress induced paranoid referential ideation D’y’all get this?  

Worst was when I was surrounded by my dad sister and bf three ppl I don’t feel comfortable with for several hours which is well above my usual toleration thresholds and I was sleep deprived and started to think her bf was sending me hidden messages that I was defective while he was clearly talking to someone else about something that had nothing to do with.  Totally lost my shit and had a nervous breakdown to my mom and wadsobbing like an infant.

When I feel very up against the wall I also feel as if any one laughing in ear shot is laughing at me and that ppl chattering when I walk past them are talking about me.  It’s very annoying bc I kinda know they aren’t but it still feels that way :/

DAE?",5.710068493150686,6.940535486301371,5.540986301369866,81.3406575342466,67.42465753424658,8.579726027397259,35.14794520547945,8.841846274778883,3.0256405479452053,615,30,113,10,10,191,101,146,0.142,0.7829999999999999,0.076,-0.8431,2,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,8,13,2,2,3,0,14,3,3,1,2,20,23,14,0,1,2,3,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,8,1,2,9,5,18,5,15,14,2,17,0,2,0,0,14,5,1,2,10,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115443140020302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285360048733662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789694731582182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822846403768755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875201627565286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614072081836225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387715392953248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234269530998176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633111424876985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221370918064936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136403540211898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280807814161825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043525502235105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353202479790007,0.1940201597878152,0.0,0.0,0.18915050851699036,0.0,0.16015095294693976,0.14551221533245132,0.0,0.0,0.1337850854919002,0.0,0.15094682844307622,0.0,0.2165149039591073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038445947715372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121112542265313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817222265932067,0.31191269832014923,0.0,0.1500305191826462,0.0,0.0,0.16994629004142778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DaddyDijkstra,2018/11/15,"DSM-IV criterion 9: Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Criterion 9 in the DSM-IV says someone with BPD may experience ""transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.""

I couldn't quite find this in the DSM-V , but for those who have been diagnosed with BPD and experience the above symptoms mentioned, could you explain/elaborate on how that feels like? In particular, I am confused by what ""stress-related paranoid ideation"" means and what counts as ""sever dissociative symptoms."" 

​

​

​",12.690000000000005,13.91466355555556,10.178888888888887,54.14500000000001,52.33333333333333,12.977777777777774,53.55555555555557,12.340626583579946,7.433822222222222,480,32,58,13,5,143,56,90,0.138,0.825,0.037000000000000005,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,6,5,0,1,0,15,8,7,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,9,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,1,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333682366321489,0.3738616083780564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583392006333154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188509865072115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040953309666476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064496509362809,0.0,0.0,0.05185696416945137,0.07326824386819791,0.0,0.0,0.09373716237375064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050105197397200485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171692969215652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908423057694884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155911534110523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475877832201261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689799538360228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524433188534289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263927099062811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738616083780564,0.0
bpd,discoinferno69,2018/11/15,"still haven’t told new bf about BPD hey i don’t feel like typing out the whole situation but the summary is that i’ve been seeing someone for over two months now and i haven’t mentioned having BPD at all to him. usually it’s one of the first things i reveal about myself and usually my relationship goes to shit within a month. its felt really good and really healthy with him, and i’m wondering if maybe i’ve been using BPD as an excuse and that’s why shit always goes wrong. i feel like i’ve always decided that i can act however i want once someone knows about BPD, because it’s a reason to fall back on whenever i do shitty things. idk if this is all purely circumstantial but has anyone else ever kept their mental illness to themselves and experienced a better relationship with someone who’s unaware of it? ",5.8403105590062125,6.3556513229813705,6.739931677018635,75.41648136645965,66.82608695652175,9.918260869565216,29.143478260869564,9.888512548439397,2.713379627329193,657,21,122,14,10,219,102,161,0.152,0.732,0.11599999999999999,-0.847,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,2,0,7,0,11,3,2,2,4,28,22,11,0,3,4,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,5,5,12,4,18,17,3,17,0,0,1,0,11,5,2,3,12,79,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462100624718744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757143749017499,0.11367056879961293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853055832054657,0.0,0.0676276542915842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811692127003167,0.0,0.0,0.5588973755672789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267566855973354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003510769160687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218863071551666,0.15851031941715452,0.10651926218565022,0.0,0.0,0.09436503290253864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930507406712683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096941614232922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083988154291922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145358101243798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118008645504927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710160875635444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071460046303466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814688532219506,0.0751754372024417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214129494142616,0.1140642235687534,0.0,0.2382148860937734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884043720934891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277554864494881,0.0,0.12470058126694628,0.0,0.0,0.2819958882133912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859638188541301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740647177639246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060073912731253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108371714944664,0.0,0.0,0.09581605844479572,0.2443682444592148,0.0,0.06543495737958849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010559110223599,0.12385992539378272,0.0,0.0,0.12030909275797068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129486453256122,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThatFunkyHomosapien,2018/11/15,"Everyday is the same Hi all,

​

New profile because my last one got discovered.

​

Just want to vent.

​

I've been seeing psychologists and psychiatrists for the last 10 years or so, but last November I was finally admitted to a psych hospital for prevention of suicide. I've done the DBT primer and full DBT 2 times already, but it has lost its efficacy.

I wake up every day and the first thing that goes through my mind is ""why did I have to wake up"", then I immediately go to the thoughts of suicide; the how and the when. When it is night time, I don't want to go to sleep because then the next day will come, and I don't want it to. 

This has been going on and off for 20 odd years, but has really amped up over the last year, since November, but the really bad just goes up and down in roughly 3 month cycles.

I have a loving, understanding, and scared wife, kids, and a well paying job, but life just has no meaning to me. I cannot see any purpose to life. I cannot think of anything that will make me happy (what is ""happy"" anyway?). Even from a philosophical perspective I see nothing of positive. I just want an end, I'm so sad that I feel like I should cry, but I don't know how.

​

That is all",5.678392857142861,5.3133689475806465,6.3064746543778805,81.39935483870971,67.18548387096774,9.988940092165901,31.02073732718894,9.606745405546679,2.5009011520737325,961,33,206,18,14,315,137,248,0.163,0.75,0.087,-0.9806,1,0,0,0,0,2,52.0,0,0,0,2,13,9,0,1,15,0,24,6,3,3,2,41,47,24,2,5,11,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,11,10,0,1,7,0,1,4,6,4,1,2,8,5,18,5,27,36,4,37,0,2,3,1,5,10,0,1,24,133,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952348458012083,0.0,0.0,0.439494664225716,0.394303149456452,0.05516780024587215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675898490881811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773600893827637,0.0989061269502033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988202744723263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911203280580765,0.10463786219926673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301906861396456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185269472546364,0.0,0.0,0.05358231521559082,0.0,0.06835133412903234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04101925117820923,0.0579557354880093,0.0,0.08886850170265613,0.0,0.06900490651115235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831566708857124,0.0,0.06488309499258084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727181994796871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050407148612199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044584193228504536,0.26451089842529185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146020114239107,0.03963359040173576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855755013234412,0.0,0.07321850418696173,0.0,0.05415158545899956,0.0,0.0,0.0883689370038453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191315110978374,0.0,0.0647532225619462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835105658466485,0.08627738654247602,0.07613034226587749,0.0,0.07784165134669285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497241781759543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394153922393616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122030438789822,0.0,0.19393842964444816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671074606453276,0.0,0.0811836145098103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747522479496486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538958631772762,0.05198164160730815,0.0,0.06440420967306175,0.09460931125089564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445401411967653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913985711721516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294114198406393,0.0,0.07320271866367999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394303149456452,0.1567255727705792
bpd,blossomcherries222,2018/11/15,"Is there any forums or subreddits for BPDs to find friends? I've been feeling really lonely lately. Or probably all the time. I just want to talk to a friend who relates and understands and cares. Likewise, I'll do the same! Haven't had any luck finding subreddits for people with BPD to find friends. Do y'all know where I can find people to relate to?",2.679875776397516,5.143068043478261,3.4745755693581764,87.70826086956524,78.71014492753623,6.8414078674948255,24.349896480331264,7.957251820313856,1.4958679089026914,281,10,54,5,7,89,49,69,0.07,0.7190000000000001,0.21100000000000002,0.8618,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,17,12,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,5,9,10,2,3,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,32,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444460619130032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263645095586665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324741467140845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087723607290124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6570823703452702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41657845074294775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877528567120801,0.0,0.20274404439693552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492052574830671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937800801251964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151400808951426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446071880526584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480240943317956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710598458060496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060098163473286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drainerbaby,2019/09/24,i will never break out of this cycle i hate living my life. i hate waking up everyday. i hate having to wake up with same anxiety as the day before. i hate having to wake up and realize that i’m still the person i despise. i hate every part of myself. i feel sorry for my cells working so hard for something that would rather not be alive. i wish i was a different person. i can’t stand myself. i cannot put up with the thing i have become and the guilt i feel because of it.,0.8278217821782192,2.7515942079207925,3.1866237623762395,90.20528217821784,82.16831683168317,5.624158415841586,18.020792079207922,6.742157984588678,0.04966059405940548,369,8,79,4,10,127,63,101,0.313,0.687,0.0,-0.9823,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,6,1,5,0,9,4,3,0,1,14,18,4,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,3,18,0,15,14,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572273079932227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092214058819204,0.16706813278461674,0.12872140242396174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755798024946433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580471319628798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274532557304368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297542255482344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355100750885924,0.7467493287708008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684794712024533,0.0,0.0,0.1335760222851812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166703574030173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381292644911205,0.0,0.0,0.26416989917010586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207022682425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645664134151648,0.0,0.16933671407228074,0.0,0.0,0.1208060823036238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049845141835076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739554319807355,0.0,0.0,0.11012787935456182,0.0,0.0,0.10745934881262813,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JakeHarwud,2019/09/24,"Seroquel and sleep? I’ve been on seroquel for approx 6-7 years, I take 75mg. My doctor gave me permission to go off of it but the insomnia has me worried. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to deal with the insomnia, and has anyone found CBD oil helpful?",1.7433333333333323,4.30468307692308,3.674615384615386,84.15371794871797,83.61538461538461,6.5435897435897425,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.5425282051282052,208,8,40,4,6,70,42,52,0.053,0.87,0.077,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,1,0,6,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,8,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120795513794724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361278696728168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32152011719966783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31920803133401965,0.27291600867991384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34194493492338485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724061556536633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903718331489549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120911921060848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344843944103455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167150270458988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083145732799876
bpd,Sassyjan160,2019/09/24,Feeling excluded and sad at work I've been working in a temp job for 4 months and get along well with all my colleagues. We joke around at work but that's the extent of it. I don't really have anything in common with any of them. I found out today that one colleague is having a party at her house and she's inviting a bunch of people from work but I am not invited. It's making me feel bad like they all hate me. It's also making me worry that this will not turn into a full time position if my manager hates me too. I don't feel close enough to any of my coworkers to bring it up and I feel like it would isolate me more. It also makes me wonder what kind of vibe I'm giving off that repels people.,1.1184862819299894,2.8726803046357645,3.1515279091769166,91.67822847682122,80.39072847682121,5.903689687795647,18.73273415326395,6.868970318607317,0.08598732261116382,550,12,122,6,14,186,98,151,0.145,0.7290000000000001,0.127,-0.7140000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,2,4,5,9,2,0,5,0,9,0,0,3,2,29,25,9,0,2,5,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,4,1,1,2,4,19,5,22,21,7,17,0,1,0,0,6,12,0,2,6,87,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907787714799575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033027738422465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300913531413572,0.13306870968358991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480938559069316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544525873722782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023259041794313,0.10678839587827707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389688048434692,0.0,0.0,0.07809702367493973,0.14339464073195216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951607026090837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247961463604772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833563206961214,0.0,0.0,0.155660204596508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605655527479935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29933677297366457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931334676565265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012913780984798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726093808134172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957605847409152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716287092691688,0.0,0.14168936806039195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259109346095724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440028808916402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210446199888384,0.4352922861095431,0.1518039884023106,0.0,0.10618615804335403,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crimsonletter,2019/09/24,"Losing your FP. How did you go on without them? Almost a year ago, I lost my ex. I don't even know if he really was my favourite person but I was extremely, extremely attached to him. I would go as far as to say I was totally dependent.

I feel dead without him. He was my reason for living (very healthy, I know). Fuck, I don't know how to go on.",-0.706591591591593,1.339136418918919,2.2869369369369394,93.31106606606608,90.2162162162162,5.991591591591593,20.384384384384386,7.3871296695380915,0.6890798798798796,261,9,61,5,9,92,47,74,0.19,0.764,0.047,-0.8971,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,1,2,3,3,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,4,1,15,17,6,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,6,2,16,0,10,10,1,8,0,2,0,1,10,3,1,3,2,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644127141404566,0.0,0.22190744113608413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463693609803798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205117880201652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048721390720088,0.0,0.0,0.3778331661084774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36536830368893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568307780127192,0.0,0.0,0.2479215947142182,0.2419102640620423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349872098187496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196714545005187,0.22784894741117198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623081417103242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828490179235808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272425601590749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742328416758333,0.0,0.0,0.14270766914677166
bpd,throwmeinthetrashho,2019/09/24,"Splitting Do you split on yourself? Is that even a thing? I feel like I split on myself a lot. Like I just have no line between “you did something wrong” and “you are a horrible, worthless person”",1.0860526315789478,3.6708039210526335,1.9687368421052616,94.48415789473684,88.73684210526315,4.092631578947368,23.389473684210525,5.6839178017228535,0.37124631578947387,151,6,30,1,5,47,29,38,0.28,0.604,0.11599999999999999,-0.7941,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,2,3,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725759243043612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086669875907088,0.2948237325285761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032361234779265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508517977265471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603424403172481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31770667637746786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27417095850783424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512085374571211,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kaylah365,2019/09/24,"FP didn't wish me a happy birthday Idk why, but it makes me really sad and a little upset that my FP didn't wish me a happy birthday while just about everyone else did...",4.970833333333331,4.278241083333338,6.507777777777778,80.465,68.72222222222223,9.422222222222222,26.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.7471000000000003,133,3,28,2,2,46,25,36,0.445,0.555,0.0,-0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,4,2,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240644865957232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544004029442237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5668274496327443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668389345920145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771494360039475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055793126228902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402370476957,0.0,0.6123177146908145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,littlemissMiyaa,2019/09/24,"Finally possibly getting DBT after so many years! I was 15 when I first had it put down on my record that I showed 'symptoms of' BPD. This was after over a year of assessments and attempted treatments for less scary sounding labels like depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc which CAMHS are more willing to hand out. I don't think it helped that in my 4 years under their treatment I was passed along to no less than 6 different psychiatric OP & IOP teams and 2 different IP facilities. Every psychiatrist I had was very hesitant to give me an actual BPD diagnosis because I was 'too young' which is fair enough but also stopped me from getting the right treatment, as in the treatment for the ACTUAL DISORDER I HAVE. Also I was suffering severely from AN and they put a lot more of a focus on my physical weight & heart problems because mental health services primary concern is physical health of course. I'm still very salty with CAMHS incase that's not abundantly clear 😅

Either way, just before I turned 18 I was moved onto adult services. After a few sessions with each part of my new psych team I finally got my official lil BPD badge yay! In the last 2 years I've had sessions biweekly and psych consultations every 3 months, now my care coordinator finally thinks I'm in a good enough place that I'm ready to start DBT. I have an appointment with my care co and the head of psychological therapy next month to figure it out  :)",8.273968253968253,7.7088505555555615,8.276613756613756,70.07333333333337,61.96296296296296,12.306878306878307,37.06349206349206,11.629938488055165,4.394238095238095,1150,48,205,31,14,374,166,270,0.11,0.784,0.106,0.4837,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,4,8,8,0,0,13,1,17,8,3,0,1,23,30,11,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,10,12,1,1,3,3,0,4,3,3,0,1,11,3,24,5,36,18,12,42,0,2,0,0,8,14,0,1,24,129,34,9,0.0,0.0,0.1879721952745756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540404889920817,0.0,0.20870686616130785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367800780908164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742115138244245,0.0,0.08195396381921655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639027593326307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963919166466152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295292446622021,0.0,0.0,0.2012499660616756,0.1103812839729581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903097993621624,0.10741274328173636,0.0,0.0,0.16229312782610206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165135097286401,0.0,0.08192248370676547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063753166309848,0.09239073410176027,0.0,0.08078148814315056,0.07702907751226598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884334988762247,0.20474916908142016,0.0,0.11412955083118435,0.06455554544441297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850669924103779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04705291736613053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818805641905208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764470975573193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705930494402057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374978645711984,0.10236384626628584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301821393566694,0.1024283366306131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042959321023634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006249830308378,0.0,0.0,0.1085767067557614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215706573329596,0.0,0.1936392493003916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224946565470316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880454251536308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816975128719939,0.0,0.07691446109050064,0.08052069804710604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001044900875976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014055490155747,0.0,0.0,0.1234249969438734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475921838213073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589340918655029,0.0,0.07644755871378202,0.0,0.11728141902477515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480857054158645
bpd,juniperneedle,2019/09/24,"PSA: if you're healing from BPD you probably never had it BPD was supposed to be a strict diagnostic criteria for people who had unreasonable and rigid behaviours towards the people around them, who couldn't grow through connection or get better on their own. The stigma is based on such people and their abusive and manipulative behaviours towards the people around them, and the BPD diagnostic criteria was supposed to diagnose them. The BPD diagnostic criteria also describes the way people react to ongoing bad situations, like growing up in a confusing environment. Lots of people are healing from diagnosed BPD now because the diagnostic criteria lumps together pathologically sociopathic and malignant individuals and wounded people with a fully human capacity to heal. If you think you're a quiet borderline or on the borderline spectrum or maybe you have borderline or whatever. Just stop. It's a whole way of thinking that teaches you to show your symptoms one way when your truth is totally in the other direction. This diagnostic criteria for BPD needs to be fixed because it's current form is a victim blaming, table turning mess and needs to be reworked. Peer support and DBT are still great tho, especially if your group has as few actual borderlines as possible. 

Thanks for reading my disgruntled post.",10.778034379671157,11.215299026905832,10.600997757847534,52.157670029895364,56.48878923766817,14.4288490284006,45.937593423019436,13.427899808715575,7.052492077727952,1085,61,144,39,12,358,132,223,0.08900000000000001,0.831,0.081,-0.25,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,7,5,1,9,11,1,2,15,0,15,9,0,2,3,33,23,20,0,6,8,0,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,1,8,11,0,2,2,2,0,2,2,5,0,1,4,1,13,6,28,15,6,22,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,9,7,109,21,2,0.0,0.10792232902973883,0.08888705491028083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284165290214932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217217382951304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605322627572113,0.11105068295141897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055839900308026,0.0,0.0,0.6883197699224248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849012824619991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475888138131612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042292829817312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044500147944783235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774382848980006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915083956294546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507862212077573,0.07025134255934626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172241023256626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420342293647083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268607738798044,0.08723546292977448,0.0,0.09820639907096072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111091384942197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238477778946573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727416085805611,0.07615219578908985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033636136613277,0.0,0.09467350524033018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385999462970073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672880092319905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907569981920644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690011139859106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016945615619486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MentalHealthMav3rick,2019/09/24,"Looking for help Re-Balancing the mind once you've Split or become triggered Title pretty much sums it up. Once i get frustrated past a point my mind is a runaway train and I am just not the same person. My energy becomes very negative and self critical. Anyone else experience this or have techniques they use to make it back to a balanced mind?  


I have tried mediating without much luck. As well as playing basketball or a video game perhaps to bring my mind somewhere else. The few I've had success with is usually with a random person transferring positive energy and perspective my way or seeing someone who is in need of some positive energy. My mind recognizes that and it helps bring me back. Sleeping it off has helped sometimes too others times i have felt the same way for days on end regardless of sleep.  


Any insight from anyone or people who have maybe felt the same way I would love to hear from.",5.281484480431847,7.085374017543862,5.6183625730994144,78.21016194331986,69.05847953216374,9.238146648672963,30.11291048133153,9.661875296680813,2.9998786324786324,731,29,128,17,13,233,110,171,0.065,0.755,0.18,0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,10,0,11,3,2,3,0,34,23,11,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,9,6,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,1,1,0,3,5,12,5,19,19,7,17,0,0,2,1,12,5,0,8,7,84,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341778663643934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097892594346046,0.11061971354418608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603205697938728,0.0,0.0,0.2384708483543589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962648688909542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180376609651109,0.0,0.0956221887966616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560744362591194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207320688096263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640563099799877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168089524379196,0.0,0.2170937352121454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066079579616512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743981986375856,0.0,0.07206539919182688,0.0,0.10846222848417388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450536566705411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587288212205261,0.08005237265396413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995177640957706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306183911639076,0.07484718010749633,0.18853631424131528,0.0,0.0,0.1020588813956962,0.0,0.0,0.10983605403119938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603164759626594,0.0,0.11262779575651047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607971540979348,0.0,0.09147575813224304,0.0,0.10677706872011343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295344563569455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329903577208652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324440838139264,0.11890476790446936,0.0890798650425841,0.0,0.2570853666369428,0.0,0.0,0.09707070384059636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040714082897744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669302831076462,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,my-best-guess,2019/09/24,What is the BPD theme song? My vote is for [Johnny Cash - Hurt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AHCfZTRGiI). It seems to describe my feelings about it most accurately. Can anyone else relate? Or think another song fits better for you?,7.159166666666668,11.285727694444445,3.606888888888889,82.02700000000002,77.6111111111111,6.213333333333335,23.86666666666667,7.554174236665415,1.6505066666666672,191,6,27,3,5,50,31,36,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,4,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629743376557251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420400501686761,0.3546773279590824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306146505917238,0.0,0.0,0.4359708714904866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891685934072652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502667660489082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705667385456585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151270655260229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180253694701546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jacobgoldste97,2019/09/24,"Losing your ability to write? Not skill-wise. I mean recently my handwriting has started reverting to look like that of a child. My notes in class today are just an unreadable scrawl. I got so frustrated that I crossed out words to try and rewrite them legibly, but the handwriting was still so bad that I would often do it multiple times before giving up. My handwriting used to be beautiful and now it's just turning to shit.",5.371916666666667,7.116513025000002,5.835000000000001,76.97666666666667,68.75,10.833333333333336,32.083333333333336,10.864195022040775,3.9534583333333337,342,15,61,11,6,110,63,80,0.16899999999999998,0.703,0.128,-0.6975,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,7,5,2,0,3,0,6,1,1,1,0,13,13,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,9,1,9,9,0,10,0,1,1,0,5,3,1,1,7,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258821048257865,0.0,0.0,0.2302019757443761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595180091302854,0.0,0.0,0.21636837325167255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216779320294822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22717792505403625,0.3026550165314927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946875938591997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671167489453289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776962083460763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914832510961035,0.0,0.2160464251052555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577488155594164,0.0,0.25643177824683944,0.0,0.0,0.18367280707090994,0.2942600690089916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336519444038676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217747742830807,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,everythingstaken21,2019/09/24,"FP hasn’t replied to a text that is pressing to me I know that is having a fear of abandonment can be a huge factor in the anxiety when someone doesn’t respond for a while. How often has it been for you guys that you completely overthought when someone wasn’t responding? I want to give more insight but I feel I need to show the actual screenshots/text. If anyone can help me I can message them. Not even sure if that’ll help or making things worse. 

But basically it’s been a day since this guy I just started talking to didn’t reply to a pressing text where I’m asking a question. I’m scared he doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore, which I already did let him know if that’s the case to tell me and he assured it wasn’t but yeah my anxiety and fear of abandonment is kicking In. I don’t want to double text and seem crazy and clingy but it’s just annoying that he’s not replying to this text that warrants a timely response. And I’m sure he knows it does bc during this convo, the text that he did reply to was me initially bringing up the topic I did. 

He said he would never ghost anyone and doesn’t understand people who do, but idk. Can anyone help please :( I want to stop having this anxiety and fear that they’re leaving but I just can’t help it",2.2107508361204045,4.03836755,3.6140802675585313,89.28570234113714,77.34615384615384,6.521739130434782,23.996655518394647,7.423996415210882,1.0127792642140467,993,33,208,13,23,326,126,260,0.184,0.703,0.114,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,0,9,10,1,4,13,1,30,0,0,2,4,46,49,21,1,9,15,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,22,7,0,3,8,1,0,1,12,7,0,0,10,4,21,3,20,35,2,14,0,2,0,0,28,5,0,7,8,137,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.11627019233579815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148157267307092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27344116909525845,0.0,0.1181617142383555,0.2499308592759574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113862727200159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492326324638447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768398970819479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426625966478864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869540718899247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022201795129214,0.06024425523736007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429656825963785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359483368123457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31944663620915736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644006942549952,0.0,0.0,0.12615936916080092,0.0,0.12183578302550065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953148441755899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834592050715283,0.0918934384705156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260146207713905,0.0,0.0,0.13078752277481367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347180188376218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333599122004367,0.0,0.11928683745938222,0.0,0.0,0.10846686765701592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855955121862148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019055722736906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433279275233586,0.0,0.0,0.0996121477995638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245890962266249,0.0,0.0,0.1915315384040838,0.10413964676466056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915590958458382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947551858111015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240361302633493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082779504553573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214208754123504,0.084638542968409,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rentabrotwo,2019/09/24,unworthy of love? - long pitiful rant I’m losing the guy I love and I don’t know what to do.. I genuinely love him. I’d do anything for him. I’m hard on him sometimes but it’s only because I care and I want him to do well. I’m back in therapy for a shot at being better for him.. for us. Including me. and outside relationships. But I feel like all hope is lost. I feel like I was never a priority in his life. like I’m in competition with someone else. And I clearly am -he’s told me. But not directly. If he doesn’t want us to be anything anymore I wish he’d just be honest with me and get it over with so I could stop clinging onto nothingness. He says he’s still very much in love with me but I feel like it’s all lies. I know it’s hard to break it off with someone you love. But why can’t he just be honest. I don’t want to hurt anymore. If I’m wasting my time I don’t want to anymore. I can’t get a straight answer out of him. He’s coming over for dinner Thursday night and I just feel like he’s going to keep running me around in circles. One session into therapy -I was honest and truthful about every aspect of our relationship even the things I’ve done wrong. And I’ve been honest with a few of my friends within the past week of us taking a break from our relationship. Everyone’s telling me that I’m being used and that he’s toxic and that it’s not my fault but I just feel like somehow it is. Like somehow I’ve caused all of this. He’s making me feel crazy when all I want is honesty. Everyone’s telling me to run and I don’t know why I want to keep him. I don’t know why I made so many plans so early into our relationship. I don’t know why I relied on him to be a caring individual. When I know that all relationships end how they started. I wanted to help him get better. I wanted to do it together with him. And he won’t even consider therapy but he’s pushing me to do it. And I’m doing it. And I still don’t understand why after all the red flags and bad signs and people telling me to leave for MONTHS on end I still have respect for him. I still want to stay. I would take a bullet for this guy. Even though I know he wouldn’t do the same for me. What’s wrong with me??,-0.033532346314771644,1.9536047761506268,2.4857949790795004,93.61317589314451,85.96652719665272,5.4342452526552965,19.8617637592533,6.759486899279683,0.1663262310910847,1705,51,399,21,52,587,181,478,0.08900000000000001,0.6679999999999999,0.243,0.9978,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,6,1,1,5,25,33,0,0,12,0,37,7,0,5,9,94,91,32,0,16,15,0,8,7,1,3,1,1,0,2,19,29,1,3,15,0,0,5,16,8,1,1,7,10,70,25,59,73,9,48,0,4,1,5,52,19,0,5,28,257,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914716968169156,0.0,0.0,0.0991013442932106,0.05360288071015853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046300550866206734,0.050275850898636426,0.036705658994769234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065080932195686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278358092880515,0.0618559661303479,0.0,0.051868695063404316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807566955856205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161943079910015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030074638695782,0.0,0.10666277577630702,0.0,0.0,0.11931156852055885,0.0,0.050732565104706834,0.11507337333392124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267486867334534,0.21508308223260608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652088726755139,0.0,0.0943773811398684,0.0,0.03422078332480013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924188530804013,0.0,0.0,0.10787913839275863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035991487745304,0.0,0.0,0.059805703101538786,0.0,0.0,0.06445991701725018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704124999405724,0.0,0.0,0.2316427850457482,0.0,0.0,0.06375752095244178,0.0,0.0,0.04253065488610834,0.20592130522507274,0.0,0.0,0.05328715181119519,0.0,0.06736362978642031,0.0657302704453604,0.0,0.271725678647472,0.05697557558190504,0.04019305357867027,0.061047151671398674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806193062979521,0.0,0.04426393308953826,0.0,0.046440449628502425,0.0,0.0,0.05650639588330625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080230183407231,0.04579516525790652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057480705969518674,0.04174453696239522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232344248824536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788428106257271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203759609995224,0.0,0.0595528019294953,0.0,0.04261950449380995,0.06417969871968268,0.19234667330823027,0.05034127582196049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905462851002576,0.0,0.15788805274021822,0.0,0.206578538982836,0.0,0.040003248251948134,0.0,0.059159568072193934,0.0,0.03511104138425898,0.0,0.0,0.057536686666960615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268449364268433,0.21728868400099105,0.052005227807157835,0.0,0.04968253598244636,0.31963993596480444,0.0,0.04829972752009033,0.0,0.054139268555204366,0.0,0.2716670960244839,0.0,0.06924268217161389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277402235433167,0.13166826446922822,0.0,0.0
bpd,onlygoodforthiss,2019/09/24,"I’m worried my symptoms are going to get worse. So recently, just this year actually my symptoms have reached a new height. I’ve always experienced symptoms but they didn’t feel as real as they do right now. All I want to do is get professional help but I can’t seem to do that, because I’m in rehab. I just want real professional help, but I don’t know what to do bc my symptoms get really bad sometimes but not saying I didn’t have symptoms before it just didn’t feel this bad or maybe I didn’t care? Idk?",2.3213417190775694,3.986126018867928,4.254276729559752,85.53904612159329,76.54716981132076,6.975262054507338,24.985324947589106,7.793537801064563,1.2803765199161432,402,14,85,6,9,137,59,106,0.145,0.715,0.14,-0.3589,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,0,1,18,27,8,0,2,9,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,4,4,11,1,7,23,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,50,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.1315458970231803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216486088225942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510566655729095,0.08217316750243456,0.0,0.11470534426069195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743815039050586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631842240020076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128317979395725,0.0,0.0766102622109046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807079418506868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408286000262357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542527649699862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301912165657025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306865087673836,0.08635668766414901,0.0,0.13309928616596298,0.0,0.0,0.11511893791973607,0.0,0.10719881228802276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271736303685195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332119630079645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.700546957244702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901772047523827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368965075568225,0.1373732824602866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680713817777176
bpd,Mello_Mary,2019/09/24,"feel all over the place but also not care about a single damn thing I left work today after only working an hour, its a call center and i absolutely fucking hate it ...but I usually always hate my jobs so (i've had 5 and i've only been working for two years). Super depressed but also riding a weird high. I definitely feel suicidal rn but I literally just cut off all my hair and now i feel free. maybe i'll dye it blonde. My boyfriend is still ignoring me after i acted out and i care cause i love him lots but i  also kinda dont care?  am i spiraling?

I'm over everything. nothing matters.",-0.3010787298825548,1.955005842975208,2.5945106568073086,87.80411048281863,98.00826446280992,5.191996520226184,18.76511526750761,6.8360192770164,0.5907090909090909,461,15,92,8,19,161,82,121,0.307,0.5660000000000001,0.127,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,8,14,5,0,5,0,5,3,1,1,2,22,16,13,1,0,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,8,0,1,2,5,16,7,8,14,4,18,0,1,1,2,3,8,2,2,8,60,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408917430969697,0.11823157295340847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509138466257973,0.0,0.4346154912508805,0.1459671882465954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238326516753086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665302674242878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277027453137697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553730878097213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136137127066425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805720256133712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012755014636905,0.0,0.0,0.13993157901116987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100396290061548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543829117759433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208011756532607,0.12824319388363695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427500852936276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634069825280656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161340910559371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484554530172846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134745151834836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542512043680673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439932852657493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468619857987568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388028218675276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649379509714462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31033307627349194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150231551675857
bpd,Oliverdirtyb,2019/09/24,"What career? I’ve had 22 jobs (I’m 35) Does anyone else struggle with direction?

I’m feeling really hopeless at the minute. I’m grateful I’m now in therapy and at least have a diagnosis for #CPTSD but the BPD diagnosis hasn’t been confirmed though my therapist is hinting.

I’m 35, have worked 21 jobs since graduating university, went back and got a masters degree in a subject I hated to please my mother and now realise I’m halfway through a conversion degree for a profession I don’t want to work in. Side note: I’m incredibly creative but am currently studying one of the oldest professions in the world and am so demotivated now that I realise I’m in what appears to be yet another foray into something I’ll drop soon enough. 

Anyone else deal with this?",4.271938775510204,6.223288523809528,5.96437074829932,74.1196173469388,71.9251700680272,8.981632653061224,32.65816326530612,9.516144504307137,3.414424489795918,611,30,107,15,12,209,94,147,0.09,0.8270000000000001,0.084,-0.4305,3,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,3,1,1,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,12,24,8,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,4,1,5,0,17,19,2,21,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,1,8,62,9,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844411156031696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459795761985799,0.3604501765630129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352523034455231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153344070417405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181339895172082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539267926245012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293875199607209,0.0,0.0,0.18174642810975689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893773510770966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067920183009155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365977589053802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490970497642037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919092118114782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930797552415662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268276256462888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550206030566934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541247013654698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388351682292747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011511217982219,0.20422750986018573,0.0,0.0,0.17281582406498894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374735602161524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305631364684098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25610713141843844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Grimnah,2019/09/24,"TMS Therapy, BPD, and College I don't know if this should do in the college, depression, or BPD reddit but here it goes.. I have recently started TMS treatments for the depression part of my Schizoaffective diagnosis (for those of you who are unfamiliar, its kind of like having bipolar and schizophrenia all in one, and I'm also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder). I'm on treatment 7 and I've noticed a small difference towards the better. I start college the 28th of October and I'm pretty concerned. I have a bad habit of switching careers and giving up when things get rough, and I'm unsure if this is attributed to my depression or borderline personality disorder. Does anyone have any advice or really just any kind words?",8.095206766917293,8.900944187969928,8.549389097744362,63.37867011278199,62.00751879699249,12.364285714285714,39.93327067669173,11.93303328291395,5.430113533834588,599,31,92,19,8,199,87,133,0.158,0.747,0.095,-0.8804,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,6,0,9,2,0,1,1,20,18,15,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,7,4,14,17,2,10,0,3,0,0,5,6,0,5,5,63,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599822433669102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948025999479125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320297775855908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446844264872286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474811988509565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213783699529633,0.0,0.0,0.3763443112251669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860505915322724,0.15164437119244806,0.0,0.15609790923364278,0.3424654022833141,0.0,0.13074656486449707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780586878619889,0.14332425200435953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111675900404671,0.08210986104773124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299242994103572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010019928649542,0.0,0.0,0.10124165677567402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179259317503253,0.0,0.0,0.26091184592075256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200004159014066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571357834179853,0.0,0.14752081510152829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115012659559532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085926202539028,0.0,0.09925898656172948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xXLady_MetalXx,2019/09/24,"Am I Being Oversensitive? After my suicide attempt in July I have been telling myself I am going to get in better shape. I'm hoping this will make me feel better about myself. Well, yesterday was the first day of CrossFit and it kicked my butt.

This morning jokingly I told my boyfriend of almost a year (but things are pretty serious) that I was dying. Then I said something in response to a comment saying ""I'm gonna haunt your next girlfriend"" and he said well, what if she's into that stuff? And immediately I felt the sting... of his confirmation. So I said ""wow, you'd really move on just like that?!"" He said ""well if you died yes, I'd move on"". This is someone who has talked about getting married to me, someone who has said he wants kids with me.... but he's so sure if I died he'd move on. Truthfully that's never been a thought that has crossed my mind. 

I'm really in my feels about this. Am I being oversensitive?",3.108170289855072,4.763346375000005,4.392913043478263,85.41585507246378,74.38043478260869,7.080579710144929,25.31014492753623,7.793537801064563,1.3246823188405794,719,24,146,10,15,237,105,184,0.064,0.7979999999999999,0.138,0.8569,0,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,3,0,4,9,12,0,0,5,1,18,1,1,1,3,23,38,11,4,5,6,0,3,1,1,2,0,6,0,1,15,5,0,0,4,1,0,5,1,1,3,1,12,9,26,11,19,20,0,22,0,0,0,1,24,9,1,5,9,98,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401902588458505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014081066548629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343329660969491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354520672153436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514680346740208,0.0,0.10932794589039704,0.0,0.0,0.09685323573809078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189791878521952,0.0,0.06471191971755227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309331586672995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055628529454001305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600555579629997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497086418345545,0.0,0.0,0.3630603938586706,0.0,0.0,0.08781945811943895,0.0,0.1210963753180986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158413111803109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588925498810568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415569109195549,0.09054976101637824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295434193661026,0.08765859096234614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034781280824492,0.12454947520260275,0.0,0.10731611015124344,0.0,0.0,0.091520113924271,0.09952274612682648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564663160253657,0.0,0.0,0.09039583440320073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880257804350137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716033638374021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071340565520369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332511852270951
bpd,JamesBuchananBarnes,2019/09/24,"Broke up with my FP.. He lives 1800 miles away from me. We’ve had so many ups and downs and now he wanted us to be apart/take a break/ he wanted “alone time” because he was stressed from his traffic ticket debt and he wanted to get a second job and just focus on working. 

Except at the same time he was doing shady things like blocking me on social media, hiding his location on Snapchat (which obviously I’m not entitled to but he’s never hid it from me), going out all night and just never answering me, etc. 

Last time we “had a break” (over a year ago) he blocked me on everything and secretly got back together with his ex which then turned into a month or two long thing of fighting and trying to fix it and him lying to me. This time I told him I didn’t want to do that again and I just wanted to be done. 

I don’t really know how to feel but I just keep crying. I wanna download a bunch of dating apps to fill my time but I know that’s just gonna make me more upset.",2.3228353658536602,3.54500587804878,3.7971189024390237,90.65958079268296,75.58536585365854,6.685975609756098,20.617378048780488,7.1686216300943375,0.33890853658536546,755,16,169,8,16,250,128,205,0.14800000000000002,0.8290000000000001,0.023,-0.9735,2,1,0,0,2,0,18.0,2,0,0,1,10,5,1,2,7,0,11,0,0,2,4,46,28,16,0,6,11,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,14,0,3,5,1,1,2,5,4,0,2,8,1,23,1,30,17,5,35,0,1,0,0,20,13,0,1,19,114,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801576529259584,0.0,0.0,0.14957106588837482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356832624628218,0.11104672503596658,0.0,0.08803444333598771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863381661981915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778735589115122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106163073125745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979147942530878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302089475914485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545121960023167,0.0,0.0820747452306889,0.0,0.11550239253557434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331025464437605,0.12836327034147516,0.0,0.0,0.1587341352242665,0.1177180343483498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055419468967854,0.0,0.1275216698569447,0.12780331085534646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639857162831496,0.1464148080110768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527119862498135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276451333571215,0.0,0.0,0.13552430994955594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925163670565319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721357435887233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542764574792146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188668929733335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210496511792022,0.0,0.0,0.13799534787932413,0.0,0.0980487505710406,0.1570827634715741,0.14107311126577224,0.0,0.17371425245321218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259004772506957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513631737824153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299894745865664
bpd,Boo_Spooky,2019/09/24,Book about BPD Does anyone know any good books featuring a protagonist with borderline? I literally can’t find any.,4.275833333333331,7.690396250000003,5.300000000000002,68.93833333333333,86.5,10.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,4.251166666666666,95,4,15,4,3,31,19,20,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321681760207775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735923517920019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928039634794598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424121128165453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35762319485279714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281874334153524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503747370774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Darkwalker323,2019/09/24,"I'm new to this but don't know where else to turn!   I’m new to this concept of seeking help and advice from others in the online community. I’ve always been one of those suffer in silence types, growing up whenever t attempted to talk my parents or asking for help it was the same response “ Get over it and handle it on your own, there are plenty of people worse off than your minor emotional problems”. Growing up with this mind set has unfortunately taught me to face the horrors of this world alone and to keep to myself because no one cares. Now after being on reddit for a few weeks and going through posts seeing how many other people go through the same stuff and that I’m not completely alone in feeling this way has helped me work up to reaching out to seek support and advice from the community.

About 4 months ago I hit a point in my relationship where things got so bad between us we fought for days screaming at one another. I would lose control daily and it was like in that moment that all the feelings of hate and anger would come fly out at a million miles a minute and then a few hours later I would hate myself because I didn’t know why I would say those things and she didn’t deserve that from me. I hit a point where I would look in the mirror every day and get physical sick from seeing the person looking back at me I hated myself to the point my own body wanted to reject me, that feeling is what finally helped me decided to try therapy. At first I believed it was just depression and anxiety that caused these emotional flair ups, we worked on these things and I slowly am starting to have the ability to understand the emotions I’m feeling and why I act the way I do. Now that I am able to understand more about myself and have done a boat load of research I believe that BPD is the really what I am struggle with. Which is something I didn’t want to accept especially when my older sister whose 12 years older and my two younger brothers 2 and 4 years apart have all been diagnosed with it.   

Fast forward to yesterday and today, they have been the worst days I’ve had in a long time. It’s my 27th birthday tomorrow and I’m dreading it, I’ve had this feeling that I just want to quit, give up, and let it all fade away. It’s like this numbing feeling like I feel nothing yet at the same time all this despair and pain is there and it’s amplified. I hate it this feeling like I can’t escape it’s like I’m watching myself drowned and I just can’t keep it up anymore. I have a therapy appointment this afternoon and want to discuss with her the possibility of BPD and getting diagnosed, but it scares the living shit out of me. I’ve been classified all through life as “broken” due to severe asthma and food allergies, but this feelings different like I actually feel that I am broken and am worried that others will too. The label scares me, the possibility of have to take medications scares me even though I’m on anti-anxiety meds I’m worried about have to take something stronger with worse side effects. The whole concept scares me, and in my mind it’s like here’s a good birthday present to yourself get labeled as crazy. I guess I just need to say something somewhere because I can’t talk to the people in my life currently about it for that exact reason that they will call me crazy or broken. Thank you for taking the time to read this.",7.0656715141146265,6.309203017964072,7.1333686911890535,77.91359880239524,64.47904191616766,9.90973481608212,34.05577416595381,9.081645337920577,2.808092506415739,2688,100,521,38,35,865,296,668,0.212,0.68,0.10800000000000001,-0.9985,3,3,3,0,0,0,34.0,3,3,2,8,24,36,7,6,32,0,46,13,3,5,6,95,106,40,1,11,10,3,10,7,0,7,9,3,0,1,57,39,1,3,18,1,0,7,9,24,0,6,16,18,61,12,91,79,15,89,0,5,5,0,29,41,1,3,46,364,118,6,0.057712333450371675,0.0,0.05631891234337664,0.0,0.0,0.11279164862051315,0.05115850144081262,0.0,0.0,0.11954514465097478,0.0,0.0,0.048021284669348935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051641365376675,0.08829955424786229,0.0,0.0572351270161626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395324118374743,0.0,0.054222637050468814,0.04437722205359183,0.04818738778528167,0.1055427084145022,0.0,0.0,0.13004407345588515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410539214910327,0.14537332732946906,0.0,0.058930745078536885,0.0,0.058841570278050925,0.059286464047437225,0.0,0.049714065068256805,0.060510283599621566,0.0,0.06472928934391184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165904195980013,0.0,0.049707548234094505,0.11715360723410374,0.0,0.060297105011615774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590597544139248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821124911290525,0.19475582179185275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811845194599053,0.0,0.048625130044469535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918108985410409,0.08245940509683,0.0,0.06322104033830939,0.0,0.049090081350526935,0.06978598269088361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060924895639473,0.055362929050401306,0.06559849816218499,0.048406367155057285,0.04615782518225703,0.0,0.06357664184158941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791592424377266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547334423520248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683502318433091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259474738447064,0.0,0.0,0.06343437831282847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059014771083226336,0.08152785574493268,0.1973673167290154,0.0,0.0509610477756419,0.0510735990023568,0.0969276497514272,0.0645653388877885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058511247809758665,0.0,0.0,0.06410539214910327,0.0581391043058307,0.0,0.0,0.11654600969591658,0.0,0.04606543395230855,0.0,0.0,0.042792963983128735,0.0,0.1114778625493628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537654045587219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732211225870337,0.0,0.0614099918132494,0.0,0.06408271650244309,0.0,0.0,0.1200313960620716,0.050392183500390736,0.0,0.0,0.16367042815594166,0.13012396905570034,0.05527246228300455,0.0,0.0,0.05522290889112468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138417057601216,0.05772795122742948,0.0,0.03697199861706474,0.05933789076254495,0.0,0.061961447887839666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179032792637196,0.2311204551271785,0.0,0.09197851543789126,0.0,0.0,0.0651985096363105,0.05924088093828995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328932157880727,0.0,0.0,0.040849086659923164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060333461613341174,0.06606681424587102,0.0,0.06549127207738839,0.0,0.0,0.13017747709848673,0.09277397504614374,0.0,0.053133762744566895,0.13199816596046682,0.0,0.11502452977318765,0.0,0.0567020745934684,0.0,0.10095757723560964,0.0,0.054704543984925566,0.0,0.0,0.03918288607574003,0.0627744462802672,0.056376563850978674,0.12016114891318436,0.06942083120860229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361609181761159,0.09161872800980084,0.04629335273959845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041528087194499,0.06443375927109349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403053220488912,0.11721935208436784,0.11762759657702555,0.20498592917702266,0.0,0.0,0.07432970113772258
bpd,moonsapper5,2019/09/24,"I just got diagnosed with BPD today And I’m every feeling. Relieved, scared, happy and angry. 

I’ve been so against getting this diagnosis (I think deep down I knew that this was what going on, but I didn’t want it to be true) but today I let it sink in. 

I’m ready to work with the best and worst parts of myself to make life hopefully a little less of a rollercoaster and I’m so grateful for this group already. Thank you",0.8396551724137922,3.1688268160919577,2.586908045977012,92.01139655172415,85.4367816091954,5.319080459770115,20.19425287356321,6.742157984588678,0.3290652873563213,331,10,70,4,10,109,63,87,0.096,0.629,0.275,0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,3,8,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,16,18,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,1,7,6,12,11,4,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457984487969849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337512413778077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805324565434946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260757859371952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766753752848486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262372502261372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163721348102644,0.0,0.12658792484879208,0.0,0.17814503286063074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237110215884863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123046623132733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277661109979073,0.15732741396924288,0.0,0.22324337831060614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868026829102116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120504686878835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300098039076344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506849862974805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427224033215789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222617832335166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137745954797456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215692422495842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kumaaa673,2019/09/24,"I need advice! Hi, I’m on mobile so I’m sorry in advance for any formatting issues. I just need some help. This is also a really long rant, I apologize. I (21F) dated this guy (25M) for only 2 months. About 2 weeks ago, I broke up with him. When I first met him, he was charming, funny, handsome, charismatic, sociable, kind, and genuine. He has the cutest smile and I adored the way he looked at me. We have so much in common and he made me happy in the simplest ways. I instantly fell for him and we found ourselves in a relationship very soon. Everything happened very fast. There were several reasons why I had to end the relationship so soon. 

After learning who he really was, he turned out to be aggressive, impulsive, controlling, selfish, ignorant, problematic, and immature. One of our main issues was that he was uncomfortable with me having several guy friends, all of whom have been in my life for years now. I have a lot of friends and gender to me doesn’t matter, but he has no friends. The one friend he does have, he looks down on him and says some mean things about him. I invited BF to every gathering and he tagged along with me to meet all of them. I understand needing reassurance and the need to get used to certain situations, but he seemed to always have a problem every time we hung out in any type of group setting. He told me I needed to respect our relationship and he needed to set boundaries, but was never specific on what exactly he meant. No matter how much reassurance I gave him, it never seemed to be enough. He would keep me up until 4-5AM with me just listening to his problems and I would emotionally shut down, unable to think of a proper response to his reasoning of thinking. He always told me the last thing he wanted to do was control me or hurt me, so he never once outright told me to do something. I think he was trying to emotionally manipulate me, and it worked for a second. His problems derived from insecurities and jealousy, and he would always tell me how he was uncomfortable around certain people, vibes that someone specifically gave off to him (even though I sensed nothing), something someone would say, or the way I would text my friends. He wouldn’t really give them a chance to get to know them because he’d just be quiet and standoffish for the rest of the night, dwelling on one certain situation that made him uncomfortable, watching and observing. For example, we hung out with my guy friends for a scary movie night and he came home to tell me that he didn’t like how one of the guys said my name (along with other problems). I had never met this guy before and we didn’t even have a conversation beyond introducing each other. Fun times and seemingly nothing wrong only to come home to him always anxious and upset/angry about something wrong. There was always something wrong. 

I was honest with him about everything, I gave him my phone passcode, a key to my house, my shared location, my work schedule, I was completely open with him. We spent every day of the week together and he slept over every night. The more problems he seemed to have, the more he pushed me away from him. He noticed the distance and tried to close it, almost suffocating me in the process. He was clingy, constantly craved my attention, and never wanted to leave me alone. I think he had separation issues, and would get extremely upset when I asked him to go home for the night. I became scared to ask him for space or to even tell him how I was really feeling in fear of him getting upset and blowing up. He used the things I said against me, twisted my words, made me feel bad for even saying anything. One time, he went through my phone while I was sleeping (he did this regularly) and sent himself screenshots from texts with all my friends and my incoherent thoughts in the notes app (I removed his fingerprint after that). He gaslights me a lot, even now. He misinterprets the things I say and makes them out to be this big attack when all I could’ve said was, “You’re making me feel bad.” My one friend thinks he love bombs me. I just wanted things to be okay, I just wanted to be happy. He said that a lot too, but for some reason it felt like his problems came from nothing. 

I broke up with him because I saw all the red flags and the signs. The breaking point was that he impulsively gambled away over $600 on a casino boat after he lost his job. Some backstory: when I was 18 my mom was hospitalized by her ex-fiancé of 6 years who was emotionally abusive and manipulative until he almost killed her. He’s now in jail and was addicted to gambling. I knew I had to end things immediately because I just knew they would only get worse. The feelings I have for him is not worth being with someone who can only hurt me. There were other things too, like the stories he told me about his past that were very alarming. He tried to physically fight my ex and argued against 2 of my best friends about it, making one of them cry. Our relationship started off with a lie about another girl. I seemed to sweep everything under the rug until I couldn’t take it anymore. I feel so stupid for everything. Writing this all out makes me realize how stupid I am for still even caring and talking to him, but he’s made me forget all the bad things he’s done and dwell on the bad things he thinks I’ve done. Lately I’ve been very apologetic and guilty about everything, like this is all my fault. I feel like a burden on my friends who are only there to support me. Instead of telling him how I really feel now, I just apologize and ask him how he’s feeling. One day I apologized too much and he asked me why I was trying to make him out to be this way. I feel like everything I do is wrong. 

When I broke up with him, he switched between being extremely apologetic and willing to change things (to the point where I thought he was being completely genuine) versus blaming me, insulting me, and verbally abusing me. He’s said a lot of mean things while I just sit there listening. He said my faults were that I was horrible with my communication, but I just had no clue what to say to everything he piled on me. Sometimes he can be very irrational and make zero sense or he can be very sweet and kind. At this point, I’m talking to him because I want to be on good terms with him so he won’t hate me and do something horrible. I do still miss him and all I want is for things to be simple again. In reality, I just needed space and hoped that things would get better, that he’d be able to prove me wrong about the horrible gut feeling about the person he truly is. I was wrong. It’s very disappointing and heartbreaking to find out that someone you care so much about only wants to hurt you in the end. Even now, I’ve repeatedly forgiven him and given him multiple second chances because I care about him so much. I’ve been adamant about our breakup, though, because I know it’s not healthy for either one of us. 

Anyway, to the point. A few days ago, I remembered his Reddit account because he showed me a post he made. I looked it up and discovered one of his most active communities is r/BPD. I saw his comments. He has borderline personality disorder. Everything makes sense: his irrational mood swings, impulsive/aggressive tendencies, his lack of logic, lack of empathy, narcissism, etc. He’s so easily triggered by small things or just nothing at all. He’ll blow up my phone for hours having a full blown conversation with himself, just angering himself. At this point, I’m unsure of what to do. I’ve been sitting here with this information. I’m scared to tell him that I know. I’m scared to block him so I’ve been trying to be his friend on his good side so he won’t blow up on me again or do something irreversible. At one point, his existence made me feel anxious, paranoid, and scared before I found out he has BPD. I think I’m starting to understand him. The words he say don’t really matter, but it’s more about the emotions he’s trying to convey. I don’t see him as dangerous because I know who he really is past his BPD. I have a lot of empathy for him and I care for him so much. I learned about the 3 C’s; I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. We said I love you at one point but there’s so much pain now I can’t even remember what that was like. I know he’s not on any medication and he doesn’t see any type of therapist. I want to help him, but I’m not sure if the best thing to do is to block him and never look back or do my best to make sure he gets the help he needs. I think he truly thinks he’s functioning completely normal as a human being in society, when in reality he needs help that maybe I can’t give him. 

Thanks for reading this far and I’d appreciate your brutal honesty. If there’s any other questions I’ll try to answer them all. 

TLDR: I found out I (21F) have been dating a guy (25F) with BPD for the past 2 months. I broke up with him for several reasons, but I still want to help him despite his irrational mood swings and the horrible things he’s said/done. Is there anything I can help or should I just walk away?",5.260043126210174,5.8155292770345595,5.820278120049287,81.36310860763952,68.1025641025641,9.21558411077862,29.72792348764889,9.253000954027328,2.353585730211817,7169,251,1443,131,114,2322,552,1794,0.154,0.701,0.145,-0.9861,3,1,6,0,1,1,210.0,12,4,7,12,97,111,12,11,62,1,128,9,3,34,24,313,280,110,1,41,39,2,12,7,12,14,4,16,5,10,70,98,0,7,59,3,6,11,28,56,0,16,87,39,238,53,226,159,45,174,0,11,10,2,267,80,0,29,80,950,308,8,0.024717981401472217,0.058573532093029075,0.0,0.02694624823869196,0.0,0.02415412535035246,0.043821998229498116,0.0,0.0495029757371171,0.02560037417877158,0.0,0.019766960796396626,0.10283670321115096,0.0,0.0,0.08404537484350136,0.02591895869994445,0.0,0.055848566579962185,0.024513595630524555,0.0,0.0,0.04068158516980628,0.022004243963688348,0.09243190371263182,0.028120272247830112,0.0696700715786238,0.019006601947795985,0.08255392799782564,0.12054281630662984,0.0,0.042066363214597016,0.0,0.07781998950773994,0.02186104586414976,0.0,0.0,0.12452572912477886,0.0,0.0,0.056541571555807475,0.10080651762362013,0.025392175780654856,0.026148346835386388,0.021292352297719086,0.07774899966050271,0.026711356671223197,0.08316995386311257,0.0197352968286233,0.0,0.027151541902528126,0.04782315940910497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0283289481515674,0.0,0.021630872095965568,0.050590153747093324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112176085092594,0.06567838450838848,0.025540282320642496,0.02756708316594138,0.13060794875870174,0.0,0.0833038616341461,0.0,0.17771942287201364,0.0,0.0,0.02781460108454267,0.13747969497708262,0.035317061704195934,0.023733138442524032,0.0,0.022591787196955846,0.02102510235290562,0.0,0.08130597234256765,0.21006756226690826,0.0,0.09039887559646702,0.04742348017432425,0.014047798456561593,0.04146454012574104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684812645774506,0.021858029320934703,0.05262550166172738,0.0,0.02440388925445815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994076514043245,0.0,0.07438245218007421,0.02455053280777828,0.02434223262226259,0.0285212318375894,0.07938333095918146,0.0,0.0,0.07739745194987109,0.02452878249386211,0.02197047759227065,0.027346784147104092,0.051479947848349805,0.06792178073594897,0.020148453907230395,0.02788295966034789,0.02617277330939461,0.0,0.0,0.01745904126141496,0.08453170011504467,0.0,0.0,0.02187463571078974,0.08302751597817301,0.0,0.02698259659773883,0.10507171932075993,0.0446178865385093,0.14033250994716126,0.13199555619003106,0.0,0.02483253464028969,0.05385025614151183,0.0,0.024900765798450342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028949401074893275,0.03945931386271392,0.0,0.12719392292231674,0.16495263007907904,0.11438418643219875,0.0,0.0,0.09278460441320177,0.024218373649065927,0.09487027920943006,0.02814158565525376,0.0,0.026323843484924243,0.2009945268482912,0.11279483214432112,0.026301674958434454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078833043679822,0.017136336019673477,0.043165575885554905,0.0,0.0,0.16356537387431144,0.0,0.023672993501462423,0.0,0.0,0.1419106197894229,0.0,0.0,0.02768979614544197,0.0,0.02472467043828233,0.0,0.11084480278109153,0.10165680661880984,0.0,0.10615144631550484,0.05600130889073353,0.0,0.1880996853886874,0.11794038550547395,0.09898804587837373,0.0,0.039394061858266105,0.11251160962721643,0.0,0.08377284986994328,0.0,0.0,0.055568093476155336,0.024735832432027604,0.0,0.0837738617143438,0.11417465816498155,0.02444671564320389,0.027669756488004564,0.03499102891742822,0.0,0.059219435630201836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028049672373058717,0.046592809891186915,0.0,0.018584845823166347,0.039734754300018015,0.10802302617009167,0.02275699630894033,0.0,0.028699481545359326,0.2627444561826433,0.1425445597234697,0.048570582453800124,0.039246632414907216,0.04323976119581807,0.0,0.0,0.09447636197971436,0.0,0.11747320788481072,0.02688606581776272,0.0,0.05146458073073281,0.02973268818119366,0.04269679930985582,0.0,0.1427644633284988,0.13121375266263144,0.0784799324366329,0.03965454742921396,0.0,0.0,0.022913816398023524,0.044608267157526915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035989969700018866,0.0,0.02518973476432939,0.14047155835258684,0.16215139421269553,0.0,0.0318351392233887
bpd,blexiss,2019/09/24,"med help (adderall + trazodone?) hey guys i’m not sure if i’m allowed to post this but i started 10mg of adderall this morning with a lot of fear of how i’d react. had some anxiety but then went to work out (something i never thought i’d do) then came home. i felt anxious and thought it was the best time to take 25mg of trazodone to kinda offset the anxiety i’d been feeling the whole time. i’m now really lost. everything is kinda bright and i feel really warm inside which was there with the adderall before but i’m not sure if trazodone exacerbated it. i’m still anxious but my creativity and focus is amazing. i’m trying to find a good balance of meds that allow me to be creative and have good focus for school. not only that but help with my borderline pd too and everything that comes with that. am i on the right path to this? has anyone tried a adderall/trazodone combo before for these reasons? 

ik none of y’all are doctors i just want some common advice thanks",2.54750141003948,4.5973362741116786,3.9524450084602387,86.21877467569092,77.12182741116752,6.205188945290469,25.665256627185563,7.1686216300943375,1.2417639029892842,774,29,151,9,18,255,114,197,0.094,0.69,0.21600000000000005,0.9831,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,3,6,11,0,1,8,0,12,1,0,5,3,43,31,15,0,3,11,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,11,12,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,10,5,10,9,21,20,6,16,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,7,9,92,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758885285221494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976725177147106,0.2950077653411675,0.0,0.09129569087134592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222063083785697,0.0,0.137022324292374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933420582670015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247216633955072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364116250669392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234690937519986,0.0,0.0,0.14692451055227249,0.13203749834313258,0.0,0.1253650821357627,0.0,0.1193361452973867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902731032281972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928215316207034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750330157332118,0.0,0.1309696460864523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252962990561524,0.11100364795573146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29006166842951725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070154973275383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930231400921656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504737971749638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728950942373436,0.1342449286921099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150375941276994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214107662049773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051708523744443,0.0,0.0,0.09241620582274987,0.0,0.10427121315052136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246116267053782,0.0,0.0981703590843736,0.0,0.0,0.12020882608268064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731170081708208,0.1522696833648099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729324988103726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701197546923441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103719370022364,0.0,0.14577372581926154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505454827293873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kennyjsayshey,2019/09/24,"New romantic encounter has me spinning Hello everyone!

I'm a 22 year old female and I'm completely reeling from this blossoming new ""thing"" with a guy. We've been friends for a while, but things have just progressed romantically and sexually and I can slowly see the signs of me getting a bit....attached and obsessed (a la Rebecca from Crazy Ex Girlfriend).

I notice the signs of this, but I don't quite know how to go about it in a way that won't shut out and invalidate my feelings or hinder my new ""thing""??

Can someone help??",4.1544117647058805,5.8591938039215705,5.231519607843137,80.26433823529412,71.74509803921569,8.237254901960785,31.37745098039216,8.841846274778883,2.6577803921568632,416,19,79,8,8,137,75,102,0.052000000000000005,0.8240000000000001,0.125,0.8048,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,8,0,7,0,0,1,0,16,14,10,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,7,1,10,12,0,11,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,6,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976763226396728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105938193704799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923509240070884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178340643069124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555239999018143,0.0,0.10517102228879416,0.0,0.1144035166792371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931880116864215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349272502336051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062930037523568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832508303467657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22918155993241826,0.21123064965635527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410749267373255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041016059566088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056096753446134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40120463361504377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978269276966342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963069951461387
bpd,rxnvxllgx,2019/09/24,"""You should really get some help"" Has anybody ever said that to you?

As if you haven't spent the night in a hospital bed a few times.

""Get some help""

As if you didn't go through therapist after therapist just to get treated like a fucking leper. 

""Get some help""

As if you weren't in and out of mental hospitals trying to ""get some help."" 

Tell me, tell me this BPD community because I'm shit out of hope here:

Is there getting better? Or are we all hopeless? Bound to some thoughtless judgement that ""you can't help it"" you'll always be sick and broken. 

I don't have anything to look forward to. I don't have anyone in my life. And at this point, I'm reluctant to continue putting myself out there when my symptoms constantly flare up and I'm become the most unloveable person alive. SURE. SURE IM GREAT WHEN IM GIVING YOU RIDES AND GIVING YOU MONEY AND GIVING YOU WHATEVER IT IS YOU CAN GET OUT OF ME BUT AFTER THAT IM ALL ILLNESS. RIGHT? I'M NOT EVEN A PERSON I'M JUST AN ILLNESS. 

I DONT WANT TO BE ALIVE ANYMORE
I DONT WANT TO BE ALIVE ANYMORE
I DONT WANT TO BE ALIVE ANYMORE",0.630457651358654,3.11423343778802,2.1734371523915463,92.80774193548388,90.19815668202764,4.836421420626093,20.385984427141267,6.48374012150746,0.34948129667884903,844,28,172,10,29,273,113,217,0.115,0.706,0.179,0.9243,0,0,0,0,0,7,27.0,1,11,0,1,9,11,2,0,7,0,22,7,1,0,5,36,46,16,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,1,2,7,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,10,4,0,0,4,2,23,7,28,36,9,24,0,1,1,1,25,12,2,11,11,116,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134655718309976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908635554896353,0.06835808669703748,0.0,0.08045052960128223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959535113381025,0.1079714325999908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646333273729431,0.0,0.0,0.12312893923943892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564695459131647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437321415088944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457146767951719,0.08843213221153143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038021767612313,0.3575395298260857,0.28134922075691043,0.055560904072206624,0.0,0.0,0.10778393279099784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276420264236734,0.0,0.0,0.0971006099263473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168020963994293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905282131699984,0.047762010494541936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209620647821413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852200035244033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917438508446781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072557158439586,0.0,0.0,0.09241753203705114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827870804773757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262941152834671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348897500239011,0.09299489710264486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003522030284148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842807361469242,0.10161307680267638,0.0,0.0,0.1708981521392064,0.0,0.0,0.22702050374576174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700632810507076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637458586761885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298925871281176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anon2020anon,2019/09/24,"Practices to help when FP moves away? Bit of a throwaway account as my friends know my reddit account and I'd like some privacy and want some advice without my FP feeling guilty or making special allowances.... probably going to leave out some details to save from them working out it's about them.....Paranoia lol

​

So my FP and I are really close friends and as expected the friendship goes a little deeper and crosses some boundaries too. All of which we are very open about and talk about regularly.

In the time I've known him, my confidence has grown owing a lot to him having an incredible compassion when it comes to my bpd. I have been able to be more open to him  and he has encouraged me to open up to others when things upset me. We did most things together from going out clubbing to cleaning my room and I always felt safe. All in all, he soon became my rock and just knowing he would be there for me when needed, gave me the confidence to do a lot.

Fast forward to now and he has moved away for uni. I always knew this was coming and in a way that may be what allowed me to get so close to him without realising. I had looked upon him going to Uni as a great way to challenge my bpd/emotions and face myself with the safety net of it not being a 'break up' so still having the friendship except with distance.

Well, needless to say, I'm not sleeping very well and I'm missing the support and connection that we have. I don't feel like socialising but in return I am jealous that he is. I so desperately want to go and see him but I'm also trying to challenge myself and not go running because in a sense, I will feel a bit stupid if I do and worry that I am dependant. He has made it clear that he misses me and wants me to go down to see him but then I also worry that I shouldn't 'hold him back' at uni...Part of me worries that one of the big reasons I want to go down is to almost mark my territory. We are not exclusive but I've been incredibly jealous of his antics down there and it's made me feel like I have let this go too far and I need to cut contact 1) because I may end up getting hurt in the end & 2) because I am scared that it is my BPD and hangups that are making me want to 'mark my territory' and that he will be the one getting hurt.....That said, there may be the mysterious number 3, that I have developed feelings and with him being away, I can't pretend that those feelings aren't there....

​

It's all a bit confusing and I guess I'd welcome any advice or simple hugs from others to help me through this and try to help me get a clearer picture.....",4.683759630200306,4.916477067796613,5.6410101010101,83.27899845916795,69.28248587570621,8.168943674028421,30.026878959082346,7.898369717300924,1.8684320150659128,2037,74,421,23,33,673,231,531,0.099,0.774,0.127,0.2707,1,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,4,0,1,3,26,27,4,3,22,1,45,3,2,8,5,108,93,46,0,11,15,0,7,3,2,7,0,2,2,0,29,42,0,3,12,3,3,16,10,10,2,2,11,12,62,17,71,67,15,62,0,3,3,1,35,30,0,17,18,303,91,3,0.07061373420563881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380058476262049,0.0,0.0,0.07070945467417444,0.0,0.0,0.11293955546441972,0.11751256721479472,0.2295298545291093,0.17160683223643525,0.048019760707958214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903178324455545,0.05429760287844963,0.0,0.1291364308763173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127572686722744,0.0,0.26680657884314873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165495890165262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943094663255831,0.1250856184789388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422655431811846,0.1008929316515992,0.06780025854968091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911199176467053,0.0,0.14757104659218606,0.0,0.3210512995456631,0.0,0.0,0.07785189125009757,0.07778898929029836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199269269321646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118692587024998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761492322146198,0.0,0.0,0.07476974870544854,0.0,0.07220732745213106,0.0,0.10349491108616304,0.07077351256764453,0.0,0.0,0.059297752209328265,0.0,0.0,0.12006654330120525,0.0,0.13363284534808054,0.09427043181379254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010244863007158,0.0,0.10471837834020783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569938759109203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646779288654244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613354868357493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523696630013565,0.07260267946422108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716983161198767,0.05615487566808402,0.07069666660537598,0.0,0.11254000754181376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066473059998271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639221935210216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013162876594959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675664475378071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382525463720327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041175436275916036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588418063675827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652745197630375,0.2082490498662652,0.11209979082731278,0.0,0.0,0.1269804548388544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613823983450876,0.0,0.05140763950722044,0.21513502427415976,0.0,0.0501619707726753,0.0,0.17160683223643525,0.0
bpd,spookgrl,2019/09/24,"New to the concept of FPs and strongly relate I'm newly diagnosed, and am piecing together symptoms of BPD I have experienced my entire life but now see in a completely new light in the context of my condition.

I recently discovered the concept of FPs and it makes so much sense to me in terms of how my friendships have developed throughout my life.

I have been with my boyfriend more than three years and we're very happy. He's my favourite person but not my Favourite Person. FPs in the BPD sense for me have always been platonic; like BFFs, but on steroids. I've always (until now) had a #1 Best Friend who was my partner in crime, my ride-or-die, my sister, someone I text all day every day and do everything with by default.

The main difference for me seems to be the perception of stability. My relationship is stable; I trust my boyfriend not to abandon me, and although I am plagued with these fears sometimes, I don't agonise about every little thing I say or do pushing him away or making him respect/like me less, the way that I have done with my BFF FPs. Monogamy also helps, because I am secure in the knowledge that what we have isn't replicated with anyone else in his life, whereas with platonic FPs I would get wildly jealous whenever they hung out with their other friends.

I have had two or three BFF FPs in the last decade and all of them eventually became toxic, partly because I became far too enmeshed in these people than was healthy, and partly because in some cases they took advantage of my unconditional love and desire to please. I have been heartbroken over the loss or betrayal by FPs; it has destroyed my mental health at times.

Right now, I don't have one, and I think that's the best thing for me. I have lots of friends, but no one has the kind of power over me that my former FPs used to hold. I am realising the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries in order to protect myself from allowing myself to be completely dependent on someone else to feel validated and happy.

I mostly just wanted to share my thoughts, but I'd also be curious to know whether anyone else here only experiences the FP dynamic with friends and not in (stable) romantic relationships?",10.709572963800902,7.838124600961539,9.951606334841633,67.29927601809956,59.0,13.153619909502266,42.73981900452489,11.326091736570909,4.753645814479636,1758,76,313,35,17,564,215,416,0.073,0.6859999999999999,0.24100000000000002,0.9981,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,4,6,12,22,2,1,16,0,34,7,0,6,2,59,48,28,0,3,14,1,1,1,5,1,6,1,0,3,13,22,0,4,7,0,0,2,7,5,0,5,10,5,53,17,59,34,15,40,0,2,1,1,24,22,0,9,15,231,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962425173745764,0.15568265579724713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308250631708878,0.19170663616699926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789356842982646,0.0,0.0,0.1710821488756616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635049650517453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356466079215484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961713793934912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066438396897927,0.0,0.0,0.094951565935898,0.0,0.09774013241971344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573441736515767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344477668458903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764029296453566,0.0,0.08407696035170603,0.09151012565058146,0.0,0.1052700745834744,0.04730183291456934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891068599701673,0.0,0.04887616064556197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991720272415292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943957403059292,0.0,0.0,0.06270478135862223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741822169365587,0.05141278785327801,0.07625596495556262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198231990114698,0.04570394185994569,0.09376195804225068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795331034652669,0.08443278099494449,0.0,0.1248910779142334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427667992636216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877022052399669,0.0,0.0,0.18070288856060887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678418293014354,0.07114920419178583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261167569883498,0.0,0.06485598572474248,0.16336899382807393,0.0,0.10269011584972104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236961643801356,0.2008759830279732,0.0,0.07989142877249167,0.0,0.07439493823662187,0.0,0.0,0.07454746191327344,0.08516466226471191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852969891622026,0.0,0.0925236199238979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972345616592172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430129958843908,0.059943242631404374,0.0,0.07426847339837409,0.0545499211273964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393780428529548,0.0,0.0,0.09138503109065647,0.0,0.0,0.08079740626447426,0.0,0.07718877915328687,0.055178379502463584,0.0742558586028182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645543549090968,0.0,0.0,0.06024331375875496
bpd,sailorkatbat,2019/09/24,"My ""friend"" disappointed me It's been an emotional hell of a past couple month and year. (Not a full rant because there is some good news wrapped around a poo sammich.)



Here's some back story just because I want to write~ 
I started the year with a job that went extremely well the semester prior, but caused a MASSIVE meltdown/disaster when I started getting overly anxious and my students were extremely dependent on me as a source of all study guides they could have easily made themselves--reminded them of looking at dates/the online resource they were required to submit work on. 


One day, I lost it...
I was a sobbing, hysterical mess outside of the classroom and that day I realized how unfitting for me college level teaching was and upon the completion of a seriously complicated few months, I got a ""part-time"" assistant manager job at my dream retail store.
I worked there for about six months before I ended up crying in the backroom somewhat often for who knows what, unable to work an entire shift because I felt physically&mentally unable to handle the customers who were rude/problematic and all the stealing made me feel... how do I say this... I am a person who cannot tell a lie, keeping secrets are some of my greatest accomplishments and stealing is an extreme form of lying and it breaks my soul to think people just...walk out with our expensive merchandise...like, what did you gain other than horrible karma that now I am basically taking upon myself because if you were too blinded by...dumb? To just steal and not have a care--BUT I CARED. :(
I had a sudden job opportunity to relocate to back Japan (i lived there for a total of 4years) but the company seemed...off, I literally exhausted myself from the stress/anxiety and I realized it wasn't the right job.


But i had already quit my retail job, so now what?!
I figured I would be on the job hunt but try to enjoy my first time without work or school (after completing my Master's--NO MORE). For the beginning of August I was pretty okay, felt guilt/shame that I hadn't been able to get a good job and even though my roommates (parents) never pressured me because they knew I was searching and applying, I just put it on myself.
I had an opportunity as a customer service agent, and some complications just prevented me from getting that job.


Then one day a long-time friend messages me if I want a full-time, well paying admin position. After a phone call with him, a bit of soul-searching and some self-confidence boosting... I somehow got through the THREE SKYPE interviews and they chose me!

I started training yesterday and all went really well, but apparently the boss (my new direct supervisor and the head of the branch/location) isn't being very nice to my friend--probably because he's suddenly leaving after being only a few months in that new position (albeit it was kind of pushed on to him). I get it, admin isn't his thing, but you can't get so upset that you decide to get up and leave?! Don't come in the next day and cause someone like myself to be up till late stressing over the next day?! He says he was staying that week as a favor, but since I seemed to be picking up the system and flow quick, he'a confident I'll be fine... HOW DOES THAT LOOK ON YOU AND SLIGHTLY ON ME THOUGH?! Why don't people consider the feelings of others in their actions???? 

I don't understand this nonchalant attitude coming from someone in his mid-thirties. I am in my late twenties and know that's terrible to burn bridges like that... 

So I am up early and I have to pretend to not know there's a phone call coming my way in a few hours frantically asking me to come in--which I will be totally ready for, but still...

Every night my boyfriend and I are on speaker while I fall asleep and he plays video games/grading/homework/etc because I like knowing he's there. My financial situation should stable out better with this job and he's completing Grad School and not making much as a Grad Assistant. So we manage with bi-weekly weekend mini stay-cations for me.
Anyway, last night after a little political quarrel, I split, I instantly thought  we were not going to last and then I thought of my dog who passed and how I wished I could get his big snuggles and kisses on my crying face...
Then the suicidal thoughts came, pouring, and it was so so so hard to not punch my wall or want to hit myself or think of looking up how much of what pill can lead to ODing without being able to be revived...
I told him after much tossing and turning and heavy sighing and I heard the urgency in his voice telling me he would finish his assignment (that was dependent on other people completing theirs, because college students are nocturnal)  he would give me 100% attention,  that little bit of reassurance and hearing a slight rushed panic to help calm/distract me I nuzzled my nose into a shirt that still smelled like him and like a darn oxygen mask I don't even remember falling asleep.


This morning I am trying to stay positive, thinking, I will be the real hero because I'm gonna come in and fucking own it and that's what's going to happen.
I did great yesterday, even though I was starving because I didn't eat enough snacks in between.
But now I guess it's all my desk and work space--so snacks galore!

If you lasted this entire post I applaud you. Thanks for letting me vent.",6.800527288468581,6.956837617878198,6.9845356464986175,75.71860927042056,64.76620825147347,9.770064266924177,34.34657520562086,9.48358501693949,3.1538279244780387,4237,174,766,73,59,1367,460,1018,0.09699999999999999,0.774,0.129,0.9837,11,0,0,0,0,0,158.0,3,7,7,16,47,46,2,5,56,1,66,14,6,15,7,153,133,78,1,13,27,1,5,5,2,7,3,6,0,1,43,55,3,3,24,5,5,19,20,17,4,5,40,17,121,28,112,72,26,129,3,3,4,2,61,43,4,18,66,535,164,36,0.093455777410651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156538714888778,0.0,0.0,0.0506296478895145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03574670695971824,0.052789213672298496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159772783544609,0.04368426813817382,0.0,0.0,0.07186172414792218,0.0,0.2848488724218399,0.0,0.039761991616605305,0.0,0.0,0.04132702025826284,0.10202950409829364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542879771859393,0.053444256227302735,0.0952843935712201,0.09600482697942576,0.0,0.2012596927480372,0.19597320908899,0.0,0.0,0.0746168336965855,0.051703520073794966,0.10265678314037,0.15067811256576416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089189029971551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781429577575196,0.0,0.05256258539161698,0.041387039820745763,0.04828240018460783,0.052113947865978984,0.09258998936595968,0.0,0.039370261591551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725404909074588,0.0,0.08973220213720952,0.0,0.0,0.03974671826179686,0.0,0.0,0.10830555270058444,0.04319918014490624,0.17089375258234815,0.04482564873750265,0.05311307199170855,0.07838627211272718,0.07474512254303893,0.05151766226155996,0.05147603755767042,0.0,0.041321317660897035,0.0,0.041859009987255634,0.0,0.047956294807881834,0.0,0.052665726650409306,0.0,0.031320718817559566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046017557758356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173319737767309,0.041533894498088905,0.0,0.048659905405349466,0.10272170237033706,0.11426839794919905,0.1054221875663532,0.09895617432888454,0.0,0.047782432112515864,0.0,0.11414443052296952,0.0936672406791302,0.04126158182140936,0.04135271106330882,0.1177189733789293,0.0,0.051009010417199296,0.0,0.0,0.08843011625212199,0.03119122855880713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919101981811372,0.0,0.10305112433459533,0.0,0.03603942845251002,0.09026017218301632,0.09939127950890607,0.08770191623191192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332805342798686,0.03553866499970871,0.0,0.054825109309638166,0.051885790534463336,0.05060174986835498,0.04460705714005027,0.09718570331515866,0.0408009900388014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475240059822785,0.04753906179254429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697443447831466,0.0,0.0497008614876261,0.0,0.05318656738340498,0.029935082040605368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293358884562661,0.03990536163750179,0.0,0.07431978523719211,0.0,0.09458223610541132,0.0,0.04253931490056435,0.04874737889350906,0.0,0.0,0.03865379240972345,0.052524104726574816,0.0,0.0,0.07918477692458398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922272039825797,0.14941713604935053,0.07463390456189499,0.0,0.10705327726978876,0.0,0.0,0.051112726000393016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513355694890305,0.0,0.08168446868704038,0.043020761830022715,0.0,0.0,0.03104393292435425,0.0898240328787689,0.13772974020759818,0.11129017222862964,0.027247407679802105,0.0,0.0,0.04465050013761638,0.0,0.06345033826348732,0.05082652466036911,0.0,0.04864538008974894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03855540192228689,0.08268395830875258,0.037090423050100144,0.07496458747323102,0.0,0.1260419512197625,0.08663444195304179,0.042164651498406605,0.0,0.05373476591949701,0.09008803444667353,0.0,0.17009229751972724,0.0,0.0,0.0995824543429196,0.0,0.0,0.06018245658443808
bpd,Peachman02,2019/09/24,"How do you guys/girls feel less lonely at night? Essentially whenever I’m trying to sleep or don’t have much to do, especially at night I feel so lonely. Any advice for feeling less alone?",3.831261261261261,5.637461135135138,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,72.78378378378378,8.176576576576577,23.144144144144143,8.841846274778883,1.5952414414414422,150,4,29,3,3,50,28,37,0.175,0.784,0.040999999999999995,-0.6099,0,5,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,5,8,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,5,8,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30423880407789844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32245536160482513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117225439528691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722700654250938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288714449665123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843448411826158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115658285213609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138008967510827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aieshap,2019/09/24,"I feel like self harming. I need help. I have gone about 3 months without self harming and 6 years without it before my last episode. Today I had a meeting with my social worker to start mindfulness, dbt, eating disorder checks, mood stabilising medication, and increasing my antidepressants. I should feel right now, right? I’ve been told about all these things that are going to help me. I should be happy that I’m finally going to get a chance to get better. But I’m not. I feel nothing, like an empty void, but at the same time I have an overwhelming urge to hurt myself and even kill myself. I don’t know why and I don’t know how to shake it off. I’ve tried distracting myself, I talked to my boyfriend about it twice in the past couple of hours, he made me a favourite tea, but I’ll still laying in his bed, imagining cutting myself and bleeding. It won’t go away. I’m scream and crying and throwing shit inside my head but nothing is coming out, maybe just a couple of tears. I keep staring out into space, thinking about how tired I am of living with this illness, how fucking sick I am of trying to fucking hard every damn day just to get by and at the end of it feel the same. I take one step forward and fucking 5 steps backwards. I’m just so exhausted. I just want to give up. And I just really really really want to hurt myself in any way possible.",3.3083898020798417,4.991227583025829,4.3233160013418335,86.00658419993293,73.90774907749078,7.141294867494129,24.495303589399533,7.84624498591911,1.2648583025830251,1069,33,213,15,22,347,155,271,0.22899999999999998,0.71,0.061,-0.9954,0,0,0,0,0,6,32.0,0,0,0,2,16,21,7,3,10,0,14,13,2,4,1,50,45,18,1,5,12,0,5,2,0,3,6,1,1,2,10,16,2,1,8,0,1,11,6,16,0,2,5,7,30,4,36,36,4,40,0,3,1,3,11,16,5,0,16,132,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162823135233555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896130541904358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962834665492357,0.0,0.0,0.09315611083162507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073274640373527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330919972589408,0.11570041353187542,0.06792934436772008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071767518124694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777921584442056,0.0,0.0,0.09329140219741394,0.0,0.0,0.06956968473549538,0.0,0.08874533971655768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130327038741898,0.07524800356781502,0.0,0.11538421998926028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921285581393654,0.16509223875296625,0.10104244331661907,0.17958494915000905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212608710110344,0.0943552801364924,0.0,0.10809929886740187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120139004753832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372915066096668,0.0,0.22551657784267054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362243043301448,0.11653239605859253,0.0,0.11577358143684564,0.08585827123421773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291815044163014,0.0,0.09300860466645576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966609809945247,0.0,0.0,0.105818466488587,0.0,0.0,0.10610921878704896,0.0,0.0,0.10635359960594812,0.0,0.08407365865242017,0.0,0.0,0.07810109963074766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202134570769874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137455261741386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054971137146837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874411264868576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243190553552204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990304010538674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219764996487837,0.0,0.10812006259250387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737099941084707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455334452433612,0.0,0.08411693175211113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919529413415298,0.08466052352760642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997678608518773,0.06749141772063051,0.0,0.0,0.061418958198096126,0.12106171120300968,0.09984082994825344,0.10064763715152307,0.0,0.1430247500700401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425310666117358,0.08360630741956686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950442331340614,0.0,0.0,0.2030693446823001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782927441494471
bpd,whaleschlong69,2019/09/24,Expressing emotions Does anyone else have a hard time expressing emotions? I think it's because I'm so damn shy and insecure an in some way laughing or expressing emotions is too vulnerable for me? I used to suspect that I might have aspergers but the difference is that I CAN express emotions or be animated when I'm alone or say drunk or high. Thank you for sharing.,5.621142857142856,7.117184542857142,6.3900000000000015,74.18500000000002,67.85714285714286,10.171428571428573,38.285714285714285,10.355215969177356,4.397942857142857,298,17,52,8,5,98,52,70,0.21,0.6709999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.4487,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,1,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,11,12,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,3,4,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,6,2,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185775396209303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277625227222637,0.17991218008092708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070377217765766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834536420503548,0.0,0.0,0.15365954372946464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668248559952546,0.7900581586538279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729369144995367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551993400499767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627269799001173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396358080528524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165920883684973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251065355443747,0.0,0.0,0.10238764217554967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165294010232333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393747621065798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pale_Raven_,2019/09/24,"Thoughts on the infamous BPD ""overreaction"" and ""playing the victim card"" BPD that is traumatic in origin comes with a ton of unresolved trauma and all the associated aftermath lurking just beneath the surface, waiting for the faintest trigger to resurface in order to be expressed and hopefully resolved. 

We know this is part of the answer to the perplexing question many people with BPD ask themselves: Why am I constantly overreacting? 

You aren't overreacting, actually. Your reaction might well be out of proportion to the present event but it's likely that this event triggered the pain from the past of the unresolved wounds of which you may not even be aware or have detailed understanding. If this is the case, situations in which you realise you have apparently overreacted are a golden chance to make use of self-reflection skills you're hopefully learning because it can give you great insight about the wounds and the corresponding issues that require your attention. As unpleasant as they are, triggers are extremely valuable. They point the way toward healing and help us with self-awareness.
Don't dismiss your ""overreactions"" as an awkward personality flaw. 

Keeping this in mind, I had a thought I'd love to discuss with you. 
People with BPD are quite often accussed of ""playing the victim"". Sometimes others are quick to conclude that this is always ""another BPD manipulation trick"" but is this true? I think you know the answer. 
Perhaps you've been told to stop playing the victim and that only made you feel worse because you... aren't playing at all. You genuinely feel victimized, helpless, overpowered, betrayed and so on. We know that with BPD, there's always the question of ""Am I justified in feeling this emotion or am I overreacting again?""

Well, if you eventually come to realize your feelings of victimization weren't an accurate match to the present and you find yourself slipping into this feeling frequently, then this could very well be one of the unexplored and unhealed wounds from the past. It's quite likely that you are right in feeling like a victim of some form of abuse, it's just that the abuse started and ended years ago, perhaps when you were a child even, and you still haven't come to terms with that traumatic event or even traumatic time and haven't found closure, which is why those feelings keep being triggered today. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hope that you will not allow people to shame you into devaluing and ignoring your own triggered pain just because they don't understand it. Just because your feelings are out of proportion to the present doesn't mean they are out of proportion to your past that still lives inside you through the wounds that you carry. 

The hearts of people with BPD aren't dramatic. They are badly bruised, and that is why the slightest touch sends them in deep pain when a healthy heart wouldn't even notice the touch. 

Don't despise or ignore your triggers. Listen to what they have to say. Let them identify your wounds because the wounds *can* be healed. In fact, they *must* be healed because you deserve it. You deserved help back then when you were a victim of the abuse no one helped you escape and you deserve help now that you feel you can't escape your past. But there is a way out of the dark prison chamber, and what we are tempted to despise as character flaws are usually what can light the way out. 

I wish you all the best on that healing journey to freedom, and I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences about this.",9.576603773584909,9.012691495283024,8.247099056603776,71.33451650943398,59.36163522012579,11.220440251572327,40.315251572327035,10.411451182825502,4.228776100628931,2845,130,477,52,32,867,273,636,0.154,0.7040000000000001,0.142,-0.9366,2,0,0,0,3,0,70.0,4,38,9,7,26,40,10,2,43,0,58,17,2,13,6,124,101,37,0,9,15,0,11,3,0,5,13,4,0,2,40,39,0,7,31,4,0,5,15,20,3,2,11,16,59,20,76,76,10,68,0,1,0,2,71,25,0,18,37,343,99,2,0.0,0.2042495411131592,0.056074710826901714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093667571455816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095626124132234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060254011569440775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053719297331361264,0.0,0.0,0.044184800281375086,0.04797844495093884,0.21017014029487852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060302918318283265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066004355313364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484955074630515,0.0,0.0620961055008275,0.0,0.04587880312648382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463711705610316,0.050894356081765235,0.0,0.0,0.15181267400963547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620895012361147,0.0,0.0,0.2614910331871217,0.0410509285723704,0.0,0.0,0.052519309239944086,0.0,0.0,0.06300421575454987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512287272352887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335215707613047,0.06330097046044768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647639516394518,0.13618570662143994,0.15406251069337756,0.0,0.0,0.17121846270455826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997549283288098,0.0,0.10214989161842004,0.0,0.0,0.0947389856897992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875888019341161,0.0,0.0842192239447046,0.0,0.05074007821798982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372355937667734,0.05437201892645889,0.038356391270678004,0.058257540221109474,0.0,0.06259306159114636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060958196823644464,0.05802033029226625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654209703130436,0.0,0.0,0.07787559861948448,0.04370250878051685,0.18343114539295635,0.0,0.0,0.06222584382247974,0.21941626747679374,0.1593479121967108,0.050173680565635016,0.0,0.0,0.05432024843213535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874138321818407,0.12223601171175308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907231088638013,0.0,0.09139232064347766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989098375744972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458979671917157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683147630477892,0.0,0.040671963052703104,0.0,0.09177859859021736,0.048040880216101256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036819387049926315,0.0,0.13685544262978885,0.03350660677272582,0.0,0.05446734244740762,0.054907489471949567,0.0,0.03901298719450418,0.0,0.0,0.119640124384034,0.06911981914088461,0.04962879622937278,0.06328637394421355,0.047412242161007166,0.0,0.1368321971886146,0.0,0.0,0.15499595946950445,0.0,0.15555179568661215,0.0,0.06607856765117891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058558778826415615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700370198678028
bpd,nascarkisses,2019/09/24,"Issues in the workplace I have constantly had issues with my managers no matter what job I’m at. It doesn’t always last because I’m actually pretty forgiving if someone starts being nice to me. But looking back I’ve left a lot of jobs because of the management and I was unable to get along with everyone. It feels like work is so pointless but I try really hard because I love the praise I get from doing better than everyone else. If I feel unappreciated it sets me off really badly. Lately I’ve been having issues with my current manager (I’m the assistant manager) and even other employees have commented that she seems to be extremely hard on me and rude to me. She is causing me to have so much anxiety even on my days off I’m scared going back to work because I don’t know what kind of mood she will be in. I know I’m not completely overreacting but I can’t help but constantly second guess my feelings because I can’t tell if it’s just a BPD thing or if I am actually being treated unfairly. I can’t stop going on about her to other employees, my boyfriend, my family...they’re all sick of hearing about it. It’s gotten to the point where the VP of the company is about to get involved. I want to stand my ground but I still can’t help but feel I must be making this up in my head because I have BPD and I’m probably just being irrational and difficult. I would say I’m torn but I truly believe that lady is a huge bitch also lol I just hate constantly second guessing myself!! Does anyone else do this?",2.5510504201680675,4.607748003267975,4.675410830999066,81.00720588235295,77.13725490196079,8.03155929038282,25.96125116713352,8.841846274778883,2.2040545284780566,1203,46,231,28,28,415,156,306,0.154,0.716,0.129,-0.884,5,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,4,15,15,3,1,10,1,30,3,1,2,2,44,59,20,0,7,16,0,6,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,15,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,8,6,0,2,4,9,37,8,34,46,3,31,1,0,1,1,14,15,1,9,13,162,52,9,0.0,0.0,0.18388093421668208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534387993310215,0.07839461310480712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207438784958628,0.0,0.0,0.06587747465620415,0.0965346299815736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448913821240598,0.07866577597766047,0.3445963534361459,0.0,0.0,0.10614829335932316,0.0,0.08332570857836644,0.0,0.0,0.2373215508544353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678498697719058,0.0,0.0,0.09878286897814477,0.3054395570391041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076102471618607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244837670461774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574094590567281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244565326827865,0.0,0.0,0.18005336649459774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055219074963725,0.06730737426048737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476706965552029,0.0,0.10708936504073363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075773804883453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879666841596802,0.09301802744627263,0.09669200006890984,0.0,0.10618740387077637,0.0,0.1263009562435184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295008645330149,0.18698814270523764,0.0,0.0,0.09811065670640394,0.10355644543079606,0.07679798162501247,0.10627887546636634,0.0,0.10236511564840632,0.0,0.0,0.046028799047997705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911705875573373,0.0,0.0,0.08009841357414002,0.0850329173222985,0.0,0.06288939306174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925902957529477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906383895065374,0.0,0.0,0.09585075295193826,0.10157994561441988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207133689676674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492372699000581,0.09432587437559146,0.0,0.0,0.08577000070115343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982825285524454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666860198855407,0.0,0.0752403989293987,0.0787681452517667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823482577579999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259240786816479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396595208536765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557057966019543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717960913690466,0.0,0.0,0.06692779137589012,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ResidentBluebird,2019/09/24,"Does anyone else experience intense sadness rather than rage? My therapist thinks I have BPD. I’m on the waiting list for an assessment. When she told me, I was confused because from what I know of BPD, a major part of it is bouts of rage and struggling to control that. This isn’t me? If I ever get very angry I usually cry/yell (basically get hysterical). Anyways, she said there are different kinds and with one of them you are more prone to crying spells and panic attacks rather than the rage (which definitely sounds like me). I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else experiences this type of BPD.",3.9791304347826113,6.168375826086957,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,73.34782608695652,7.730434782608696,27.15217391304348,8.548686976883017,2.0615391304347823,480,18,89,9,10,155,82,115,0.249,0.701,0.05,-0.9795,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,7,10,4,3,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,18,17,6,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,3,2,15,2,14,14,3,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,4,4,60,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005730782624852,0.29391302558849275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316736594168288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743093615257698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5419187010580652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608640459065084,0.0,0.0,0.15754632581242528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984926247348676,0.0,0.0,0.1255127401262091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23962742891562264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973669855325712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805955854185027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498679497142959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579995074169466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935572840833028,0.15764595669742876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007052078090545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718892247763003,0.0,0.0,0.1682790804420088,0.0,0.15531598648552722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364306234699581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993961523509192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665282173080514,0.0,0.09190135593445872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704934106010008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796307444667426,0.11834117000864608,0.08459615582901182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,donteatbeef69,2019/09/24,"Contemplating CW* at the sleepover I’m new to posting about this but i feel like i need an outlet of some sort to express my feelings. Recently I decided to hang out with some friends and was genuinely having a good time. We went out to a music club and I immediately started drinking as much alcohol as I could consume. my friends cut me off and told me that I needed to control myself. After a few hours of listening to music and talking to my friends I was sober and I realized that i was making stupid impulsive decisions that were affecting me and my friends. I felt bad but I kinda of brushed it off and decided to try and enjoy the rest of my night. I don’t know when or how but I completely blanked out. I forgot where I was for a while and on the way home I stayed silent in the back of the car letting my mind race. I didn’t feel like I was acting out of the ordinary until my friends kept asking if I was ok. I didn’t know how to respond because I felt so empty. Like I didn’t exist. I was so confused and getting really aggravated. I stayed quiet for the the rest of the night. I completely disassociated. Ive never had that last for so long. It was hours of sitting and getting so lost in my thoughts that I forgot where I was and why I was there. Somehow we ended up back at my friends house. I don’t remember getting out of the car or even stopping to get the food that they made me carry in. We eventually made our way to my friends guest room and we all laid down. I laid on the bed and my friends kept pestering me. I got so angry, for what seemed to them like no reason. I don’t even know why I was so enraged. my friend bumped my leg with her foot when she was laying down and I immediately kicked her with all of my force. She was very upset that I reacted that way and immediately started going on about how I was being a bitch and making jokes to my other friends about it.. Im upset and embarrassed that I did that. It was like i had no control. I laid there and started thinking about how horrible of a person I am. Why would i do that. Whats happening to me. My friends who were obviously upset were making jokes about my behavior. I just laid there and listened while trying not to let my thoughts overwhelm me, I contemplated going to the bathroom and using anything I could to cut myself but I didn’t have the energy to get up. I laid there until the morning just waiting til i could get home to harm myself in whatever way I could. I want to just not exist anymore.  I’m an embarrassment. I just want to behave normally. I don’t know why I’m acting so strange. I feel like i’m ruining the vibe whenever i’m with my friends. I dont really feel like they’re even my friends. I just feel so empty. Like nothing is going to help me. I’m realizing how horribly i’m treating them and I don’t know what to do. Sorry this is so long, at the moment i have no one to talk to. hopefully this followed all the rules, just needed to express how i’m feeling.",1.8805371912652757,3.835570019575858,3.8498875246844686,86.61554620646234,78.82055464926592,6.911868578460835,25.43627829770184,7.9147122085399175,1.4761512778684067,2334,90,490,40,57,792,231,613,0.14800000000000002,0.688,0.16399999999999998,0.8690000000000001,1,0,2,0,0,1,49.0,5,0,3,3,40,44,5,7,26,1,48,5,2,17,5,121,112,53,0,13,15,0,9,8,14,1,1,3,4,1,23,35,3,8,25,4,0,10,16,16,0,1,39,13,100,28,77,65,9,69,0,3,0,0,38,24,1,11,35,355,123,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062215406604806775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057734821191605425,0.0,0.0,0.047906967239133916,0.0,0.054424282688698866,0.0,0.0,0.08952931927698106,0.048608090215090376,0.035488051458726834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220771433910138,0.0,0.13058882336629088,0.18592357493978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822894568010189,0.057029706886252834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156226831426245,0.0,0.0,0.11535374106435173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060509978599292,0.1663586422193924,0.1117933513261123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039525274751056,0.0,0.5847099309507804,0.0,0.18249335117011867,0.0,0.0992568137595495,0.04882898139534539,0.04656080841296024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051480388004508715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03902108762697865,0.0,0.11679117828155265,0.057821816235343965,0.11466244846600834,0.06717367150566445,0.0,0.0,0.06288347936185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997048841429098,0.0474539680410139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906000506267556,0.0,0.22753193381098366,0.0,0.0,0.10303899929077252,0.0,0.0,0.06354985263425987,0.0,0.0,0.11017114055515878,0.11657928445473335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058781760268381375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279560095818,0.12949971036809602,0.04489991765077875,0.0562255628374191,0.0,0.10926390860546754,0.05703950955441249,0.05586000814721074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039448799634094825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050832135010865774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575502131458319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458956904733467,0.05985594322338308,0.05748146822303715,0.0,0.0659475991207981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299783647991951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516826284190537,0.12361716504018935,0.12410143357427555,0.0,0.04867134484963974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358394293439784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03730258638472457,0.0,0.09243431029048296,0.033946330825762726,0.0,0.0,0.055628068072356825,0.0,0.07904994849456944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028009988340576,0.0,0.048034456861171186,0.0686748389844836,0.18483721991057891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053966994989092736,0.21012424018288087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041355113842897424,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OMChandler,2019/09/24,"Okay I Need Help.. Okay so this may be a bit long winded. I’m concerned that I maybe have BPD and was never properly diagnosed. I have several other disorders, but I’ve been recently reminded of this issue I have always had but never had an answer to. So I recently finished OITNB and I’ve become obsessed with Natasha Lyonne. Like not in a healthy way. I keep rewatching her new show Russian Doll just because she’s in it (it’s also a great show but still), I’ve watched every interview on youtube I can find of her. I look up things about her life. I so badly want to be her friend although I know that’s a fantasy. I’ve had dreams of her. I got back on Twitter AND turned notifications on her posts on. Idk it just feels very wrong, and this isn’t the first time I’ve struggled with this with people. Celebrities or people in my real life. I just need some advice or direction.",2.2433399800598224,4.411810881355933,3.6705882352941184,87.29078763708875,78.6045197740113,6.8765702891326015,24.53605849119309,7.928766900206844,1.4231916915918914,694,25,140,12,17,228,108,177,0.11,0.77,0.12,0.2033,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,2,6,2,13,3,0,0,2,29,23,14,0,3,9,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,3,20,5,17,14,2,21,0,0,2,0,10,8,0,4,12,91,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473175956729448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205599911422177,0.12544156034843046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592251262458385,0.1258754561549422,0.09189981843867008,0.16649881012065873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458715146561725,0.0,0.18987264854340014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301476619255536,0.0,0.0,0.17278011391836734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701892977088278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762270620032581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778879274391884,0.1282334790633366,0.0,0.0,0.11647416803232055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205738174857307,0.16620967350050445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010489649556946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735071293319675,0.0,0.13399938469030062,0.0,0.0,0.08285187964132952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296767687337168,0.07365205522254344,0.0,0.0,0.13341483876533988,0.12659756719800838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145525845419236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356820359719173,0.23254555324440684,0.14560165475358072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903127597829907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438314095135724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159400507201206,0.0,0.0,0.2977078918761697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031203637063905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039440809949473,0.0,0.0,0.15760352139913414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001559800856585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790738040872265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397987987255158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438997586203715,0.0889201431828256,0.11966356458205599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648286658002956,0.0,0.0
bpd,trislosher,2019/09/24,"How do y’all deal with regret? I split on my now ex-boyfriend for the last time this weekend, and he decided that was the last straw. He’s completely given up on me, on another chance for us. I’m completely wrecked because the day before that we were fine. Then I found out about something that really angered me and I chose to confront him about it. And now I’m feeling so much regret. If I hadn’t split and confronted him then he wouldn’t have given up on me. We would still have another shot.

I know I shouldn’t beat myself up about this, but I can’t help it. I really hate it that I’m aware of what I should be doing but instead, I don’t do it. BPD is hard, man.",1.2462567713976185,2.980942683098593,2.9629577464788746,93.27483748645722,79.91549295774648,6.622751895991333,21.486457204767063,7.61054688173877,0.6481694474539546,519,15,120,8,13,172,83,142,0.11900000000000001,0.823,0.057999999999999996,-0.804,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,3,1,0,1,9,7,4,0,3,0,16,0,0,1,0,22,25,11,0,7,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,2,21,1,16,14,1,18,0,2,0,0,12,8,0,1,10,83,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169057583502077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118299877459247,0.0,0.1691590821611059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25037412833539946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168635275781275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282057069432507,0.20494792136944984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005162373361626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796739888545905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808040849391574,0.19626795339478986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332474514579355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925200288342612,0.32408734289916113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613648947462202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547050988407472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304136056576154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587571733770663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591840063815945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23912474759252905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121757899205792,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,petitebarbiez,2019/09/24,"I’m impossible My soulmate tells me i’m impossible to love. He loves me so much and i know he does but he says it’s impossible to be with me. It’s really not he just doesn’t see his faults and where he triggers me and ignores when i say that was a trigger. I have ptsd, depression and anxiety disorder so i’m a full package. I know it’s hard but i’m pretty fucking vocal
and open about what sets me off and triggers me. I’m really hurt he doesn’t see how he plays a part in it",-0.6903410740203206,1.3719269905660385,2.5069811320754742,91.6116763425254,90.41509433962266,6.280406386066764,20.41799709724237,7.61054688173877,0.7937947750362842,375,13,89,8,13,134,59,106,0.209,0.6679999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,3,0,5,3,0,4,0,19,17,12,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,5,12,3,6,15,3,7,0,2,2,3,13,5,1,0,1,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212195079835534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825305859754064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24288426928825585,0.0,0.1854568879503433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592113382286727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984306345389898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22686996390324005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329367401083028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825409510833725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578916894279568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294939898019852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156037882207091,0.0,0.0,0.2477288402925092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715290056340344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33706233637537186,0.0,0.0,0.3377533778363005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852316834162245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,2holdu,2019/09/24,"Is anyone else overly attached to their pet? I know i cant be the only one, but does anyone feel way too attached to their pet? My cat is the only thing that can call me down during panic attacks, he’s been kind like a security blanket for the last 7 years. The thought of anything happening to him literally throws me into full panic mode. 
Tonight he was wheezing/coughing and it felt like my whole world was crashing around me, i know it sounds dramatic and stupid. But he’s been the only consistently comforting thing in my life, trauma after trauma. He even recognizes when i’m having a really bad day and curls up onto my lap. I’m terrified that if anything happens to him i will never be able to function properly. 
It’s hard to explain but you know how if something were to happen to a FP it would feel like death? it’s like that. He’s my whole life and no one i’ve talked to understands.",4.136738289643319,5.372713150837994,5.205698324022347,82.26481736140956,71.12290502793297,7.965792866351527,27.735711216158148,8.384062270229773,1.9067684572410828,710,25,138,11,13,234,108,179,0.215,0.6709999999999999,0.114,-0.9763,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,0,5,14,2,2,8,0,14,2,0,1,1,23,28,11,1,3,5,0,4,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,10,6,0,1,9,0,0,1,3,7,0,2,7,5,17,7,19,17,3,18,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,2,11,88,27,0,0.13103429953042955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324445786178667,0.13426012478603486,0.21566012733530004,0.11664830746684085,0.0,0.1490704324415396,0.0,0.0,0.1094081668015608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380067033353785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450628299999323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114668998543641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094623433036028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865469190259373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250975796551956,0.09361092976642993,0.12581347647140886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476195949820173,0.0,0.11738099461986146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645205885966455,0.2160390725368311,0.10681044303228714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510680180592076,0.25606695980976324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106172980619768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758446511229065,0.2989724682737077,0.0,0.3074810351638645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394392760419374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087660553518826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532040647151053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410673232273793,0.0,0.0,0.10402659715387033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641132698394948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400892782265317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29259023184222616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308300682869863,0.0,0.0,0.08438179276933158
bpd,WashedSenseless,2019/09/24,"Hello, I need advice on how to help my little sister. My sister (17) has been attempting to kill herself. She’s been exhibiting BPD symptoms and has been really hard to reach. She will he released from a mental hospital this week but I feel my family isn’t emotionally equipped to help her. Any advice?",3.1515789473684244,5.842012842105267,4.67640350877193,78.45565789473683,78.47368421052632,8.010526315789475,23.535087719298247,8.841846274778883,2.2184877192982464,240,8,41,6,6,80,44,57,0.073,0.813,0.114,0.3368,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,5,9,3,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,9,0,6,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767394055276403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658836387534681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072266187180358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743931719521798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995947897712954,0.0,0.12334047422695565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851715321090126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270079399687655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698770795522277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24448617858563185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582832618054565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087413793127424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627051166856146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535410618856608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566932246208635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kyrii77,2019/09/24,"I think I might have BPD, awaiting an evaluation, and I'm afraid I'm pushing away my best friend I don't know what else to say about this right now. I love her so much, even though we've never met IRL before (though that will be changing in two weeks!) but we've grown incredibly close over the year we've known each other, and I can't imagine my life without her. The mere thought makes me tear up and almost panic.

She knows I'm going through a really tough time right now, with my emotions and moods all out of wack. But maybe I'm leaning too much on her, asking for too much reassurance and beating myself up verbally in front of her all the time. I'm probably burdening her.

But she says she doesn't feel any differently about me and wants to be there for me. But I feel her being distant lately...and my brain just panics at that distance. Even though I know she's got her own mental shit going on right now and can't deal with hers AND mine, and she shouldn't have to. I can logic it out. But part of my brain is still so scared and I can't get it to shut up.

I don't know what I'd do if I lost her. Often times I feel almost obsessed with her, based on how much I rely on her and think about her and talk to her. I even considered that maybe I'm in love with her, but then I came across the symptoms of BPD and the concept of ""favorite person"" and thought maybe that could be it?

I know the rules say no diagnoses, and I agree. I'm not looking for that. I just want some input, some connection. Anything would be helpful, thank you.",4.231822429906544,4.37313775077882,4.7486277258567,89.60406308411214,70.2461059190031,7.790716510903428,25.395794392523364,7.365786028017652,0.8925786915887852,1202,30,274,11,20,383,163,321,0.106,0.797,0.09699999999999999,-0.5879,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,3,23,16,1,5,8,0,21,8,3,2,3,66,55,29,0,6,11,0,3,0,1,4,3,3,0,1,12,24,0,0,15,0,0,6,11,9,0,1,6,7,48,6,38,39,12,38,0,1,1,2,33,21,1,7,11,185,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834685084571741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062297990517364774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538728371011379,0.0,0.08564305102621543,0.0,0.08607067842085693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795342401419557,0.0,0.09613911884784444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23075935786558205,0.2045342756184161,0.0,0.10477751735832017,0.0,0.0,0.09691130929149663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314318824660579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444596182027602,0.0,0.09298229487349084,0.0,0.09571302720546217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652846014852416,0.10304900081020894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152276601507744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896241518823407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077771450826596,0.0,0.047862481641406864,0.0,0.10412823033585347,0.0,0.07326894345198261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061404300316661664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25173249926541685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470690320384777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692938803473791,0.0,0.1000032155314844,0.0,0.16536333365498918,0.0,0.06115043453590381,0.0,0.27610389216959724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232140582625788,0.09718380955042123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693757753334635,0.0,0.07065533523764751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496936239250303,0.0,0.09920478082141176,0.0,0.0,0.07999038145175279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987711522093578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868775804068409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347035032472229,0.0,0.2185560190407815,0.0917176637463148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940364226081797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315992197079384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521794185254008,0.0,0.07363270588065399,0.0,0.0843422462507877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740007038513167,0.2700192923254918,0.1454563287138129,0.16025570936926342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948972904386875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806798819943927,0.0,0.07348407405867444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830884045675176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507716684665937,0.0,0.0,0.05899388292189312
bpd,sunshine682,2019/09/24,"When I can’t stand someone I’m disgusted by them. When I decide I can’t stand someone I get irritated by every little thing they do and say. I’ve been frustrated with my DBT group and the new people in it. These new people come in and take over the group by talking about things that are not DBT related and they go on and on. 

I wanted to quit the group all together but I’ve thought about it a lot and this will be a good opportunity to practice opposite action and tolerating annoying people. I really struggle at communicating to people that I dislike their behavior/I wish we could focus on DBT without being angry/sarcastic/insulting/mean. I was thinking of writing up what I want to say using all the interpersonal skills. Since last weeks class on Friday I’ve been checking the facts, turning the mind to acceptance, soothing, please, and wise mind. What other skills can I use and do you have any DBT (or other) related tips?",5.6577188081936685,6.720545083798887,6.642025139664806,74.0107844506518,67.43575418994413,9.765549348230913,31.11778398510242,9.928628108626363,3.1101281191806334,746,29,134,17,12,249,112,179,0.09,0.767,0.14300000000000002,0.897,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,4,4,4,8,3,1,8,0,14,0,0,2,3,33,27,13,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,12,12,0,0,4,0,1,3,4,4,0,0,4,2,17,4,22,19,3,21,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,2,6,90,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010092765880506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795023559924204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859356089622035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125147618419284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760370127764858,0.0,0.08441618366235047,0.1245845833264539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107630891805045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887165618191694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627962428884693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179877319435645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299957152533593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28691314535850404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119034290560518,0.0,0.0,0.1630474441795683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798585523998504,0.0,0.0,0.09515568536053652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362428835337805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287015293767868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25170740164197025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528162135495865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116802581697118,0.119387259403695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736085638225395,0.09517559139955699,0.0,0.11792064572645085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156403987773493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565740719786433,0.0,0.0,0.17522024738998107,0.0,0.11914626940238934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080856741337785,0.1431829825775798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JueJueBean,2019/09/24,What's the DAE stand for? I looked all over for an extended name as google proved no help either. Sorry for the off topic question. The body must contain text.,1.5888709677419364,4.280231677419359,1.8970161290322598,95.26552419354843,87.06451612903227,4.390322580645162,17.427419354838708,5.985473137389443,-0.33694193548387075,126,3,25,1,4,38,27,31,0.109,0.807,0.084,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,7,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019873571741325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029161400810315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795036041792587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062599940456707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058936035962196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nsmith511,2019/09/24,"I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed by my own brain I’ve never posted on this before but I’ve been really amazed how many people are so similar to me. I feel like I literally sit and create my own problems and my own anxiety for no reason at all. I feel like my emotions are a rollercoaster. Most of the days I go from thinking I’m super happy to being so sad or angry I could lay down and cry. It feels like I can never seem to pick one to stay constant. I’ve even thought to myself okay well, try to be constantly sad if being happy is too hard and I can’t even do that. My mood changes like clockwork. I also absolutely hate myself and have been dealing with binge eating and body dysmorphia for a very long time. I feel like I can never get a full grasp of who or what kind of personality to have or who I am as a person. I am a different persona with practically everyone and am terrible with new social situations because frankly I have no clue how to be “myself” I end up with so much anxiety about it I become a wallflower and don’t talk to anyone. Recently I’ve been isolated by everyone important to me besides my boyfriend and even with him I feel like I need more, he does so much for me but I feel like I don’t even appreciate it or grasp what he’s doing could possibly for me. Also the feeling that every girl he’s talking to he’s going to leave me for because she’s much prettier than me or she’s hotter than me and I create whole scenarios on my head to a point where I’m literally dying. I don’t know, I guess I just could use some support. I’m recently diagnosed and am feeling pretty alone.",3.283915662650603,4.534280861445783,5.298838554216868,80.72567951807231,73.21686746987952,8.56501204819277,27.43662650602409,9.065960079200117,2.223879855421687,1274,47,257,27,25,442,167,332,0.13699999999999998,0.657,0.20600000000000002,0.9744,2,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,17,22,1,1,9,1,28,5,3,5,4,57,53,28,1,6,9,0,10,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,10,16,1,0,16,0,0,2,9,6,1,1,4,10,43,15,38,42,12,25,0,3,0,0,16,8,0,10,19,181,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462751358781061,0.0,0.13068783539686876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501673319691206,0.0,0.0,0.057133934248380064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962001681758012,0.0902429109552392,0.06952968147405236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076202903914307,0.0,0.09121602555703506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643895443315076,0.0,0.0,0.17660020778268687,0.0,0.1957177370370688,0.0,0.08975523034313966,0.052696561444038816,0.08424001543124605,0.0,0.08293451412862797,0.08480267692285072,0.08537016017797003,0.0,0.0,0.07150547524947773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836103177941868,0.0,0.09191339948388193,0.07237131690075167,0.0,0.0,0.21587625792240428,0.0,0.06884468399886368,0.1561559130216752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718378988642031,0.35024430874120954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042690403214086965,0.0,0.09287600614426147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900134110343829,0.0,0.0,0.17396485402296125,0.07319662604670961,0.08067227670405018,0.08385862395472356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508899041109748,0.04490599537335069,0.0,0.0,0.08651970136859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27943761876803713,0.0,0.0,0.07231128802712268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284169856529139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020002417421926,0.060587356375169814,0.18906069934611508,0.07891658297942725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055369200638592415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056647824724091314,0.1426930455887483,0.0,0.0,0.07724290503044863,0.09211639662582764,0.07825614443051453,0.08312903075585666,0.0,0.07818598549002591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234588697799779,0.08401208048123512,0.16135867131893514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438623909184272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918461103900888,0.0,0.08329364165702546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709260153472705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272419275234854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313517308751479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235683744580008,0.0,0.06486906977950553,0.04764609366747894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547611713492182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705717021657265,0.0,0.06741978220329255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346762041146747,0.0,0.0,0.09122693948212507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stare_at_the_sun,2019/09/24,"Just acted crazy... (again) My guy flew to Europe yesterday and has been nothing but sweet. He stops replying when I respond right away, and then leaves my message on *read*. So naturally I blow up his phone. May have just lost him. Fml.",0.6952272727272728,3.0072594318181807,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,102.4090909090909,4.927272727272729,19.13636363636364,6.6274283507984215,0.4571000000000001,181,6,36,3,8,56,40,44,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.7947,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,1,4,2,0,11,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424883275459912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36094242545034544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859850788810678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397928012942208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34977676774299576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646290653502609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113069854183456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047637522419831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DoneBeenHadBeenDone,2019/09/24,"Oh snap! Jealousy and compulsiveness did a collab with me today! Shout out to BPD! The husband took me to up to his job today....yes, guys and gals, you already know where this is going. So he works at this big, boujie tech place and he's always wanted me to go check it out. Today he left his PS4 at work, so I tagged along and we went to go get it. We get there, and he wants me to come inside so he can show me around...I've always avoided his place of work, because I know exactly how I am, and exactly what would happen. And yea, it happened

As soon as we walk through the door, the first thing I notice is a female co-worker. He's leading me around, showing me his amazing office, and all I'm thinking is
 ""Okay?? Who is *this* bitch?"", ""What's her schedule?"" Ect. 
All questions I'm internally asking, while picturing her leaned over my husband's desk, flirting with him, or chatting him up over coffee in the big, fancy breakroom 
- that I now longer care about seeing. I make it a point to glare at her. He takes me to his desk. I question him about everything *on* his desk. -""Did *she* give him that?"" - My husband obviously senses that I'm having an episode, and so he steers me towards the door. It's too late. I can feel myself losing control.
""She needs to know that I'm *crazy*.""  
As we walk by her desk, I ask my husband -loudly- ""Are there metal detectors when you come through the door??"" My husband laughs nervously. ""No"" he answers in a confused tone. ""Oh, good to know."" I reply, maintaining the same awkward volume. 

We get to the car, which becomes an interrogation room. Every question about her that he has an answer for, further incriminates him, because *how does he know?*. I assure him that now that she's seen him with another woman, that she'll try to come on to him. He realizes I'm having an episode, and that he can't win. He tells me to drop it, or I'll be staying at my mom's. I drop it, things calm down. We come home and I lay on the couch and try to push all these biting feelings back down. 

All of this.. literally because.. he happens to work... with ..a woman...
 
This is my BPD in all of its glory. I don't know why I'm like this. I love other women. I would love to have lots of female friends. I was never like this with my other exes. But something about *this* relationship has turned me into a psychopath, and made my BPD ten times worse, from the obvious jealousy, and my compulsive threats to other women,(this is not the first time) and disregard for the consequences. My boyfriend is everything I want in a man, and I feel like I'm so ugly and shitty that he'd run into the arms of *any* woman besides me if he had the chance  I wanna be sweet and easy-going, but my BPD sometimes makes me into such a gross, hateful person. I was seeing a therapist about these issues, but I can't afford it now. 

So yea. That's me, I guess. 

TL;DR
My BPD causes me to have jealousy so bad that I hate my boyfriend's female co-workers for no reason.",1.4297622803677292,3.6732761281618913,2.9846806832399544,90.69936014252298,81.9848229342327,5.309786215525215,21.8748028069412,6.532088108194933,0.4469695588315297,2276,73,470,22,62,746,269,593,0.09300000000000001,0.85,0.057,-0.9739,2,1,1,0,0,0,141.0,6,2,0,10,27,28,4,4,27,3,31,3,1,9,11,96,84,38,0,8,7,6,3,3,1,3,0,2,6,7,40,40,0,3,17,3,1,15,7,11,0,3,9,9,85,17,70,69,7,67,0,1,3,2,74,33,1,9,19,310,125,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672056366080486,0.0,0.11569771892883725,0.0,0.0,0.04727814998088055,0.07290112151001811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237807491808199,0.12998958642523145,0.0,0.0,0.05345903800108265,0.058048955648357825,0.1271420652030513,0.0767828958832257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378100898623563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088352077872116,0.07141946223299574,0.0,0.23955227215103506,0.0,0.0,0.07797616386713824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608402078683441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058576282033059035,0.0,0.12496591193602548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545903411031296,0.04966737739120502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827277161354675,0.0,0.0,0.0537134404181628,0.0,0.10896898439455292,0.06669297425563159,0.15804651322388755,0.05831274923228586,0.0,0.0,0.07658762660011208,0.06883888375781548,0.18443736917931214,0.0,0.0,0.13727950389149635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973742331971491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256414264789933,0.06899103369772641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292487463527076,0.0,0.0784251811112424,0.0,0.07553714413115077,0.0,0.0,0.10189654959647892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777866088568508,0.0,0.059106125876003286,0.1254947780009017,0.06578451882717644,0.09281453194156004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142471423466432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155056089338695,0.05362056638702953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915260713551098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070496367374301,0.14527386253598715,0.0,0.06572188188402513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336456356239523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148141344557714,0.0,0.07464188256844756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080195479877757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053522344554862725,0.06876020785626266,0.0,0.0,0.07410246505852516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227278299581172,0.0,0.06076632821458679,0.0,0.0,0.08072177650475004,0.09237623002142233,0.04454764984664368,0.0,0.0,0.0810790567499986,0.0,0.19769955128266076,0.0,0.07724281683594746,0.09440335824470736,0.07562126140164979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301972772623332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444868919422055,0.06273386099436913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036822410132436,0.0,0.07085006524060089,0.09877455208284933,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jessismess,2019/09/24,"Bpd & bipolar Hey,

Does anyone live with BPD & bipolar 1? It’s such a miserable life....I don’t know how I’ll ever have normal relationships, a normal sense of self or happiness. 

Why not give up?",-0.6787500000000009,1.066162625000004,1.995000000000001,89.66500000000003,110.25,5.0,17.5,6.6274283507984215,0.49925,155,5,31,3,8,53,34,40,0.08199999999999999,0.8170000000000001,0.10099999999999999,0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,8,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456632049514259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438016590895611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180409985154377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997370757211575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860304748610929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972869959907382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892798877651626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302489007115901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526313930067816,0.0,0.0,0.1816007967902848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40300460172404906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220800960691583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454734544146434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557539411933707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wecancreate,2019/09/24,"A Borderline Breakup Long time lurker, first time poster here. Sort of at my wits end. I’m a 30 year old female detoxing from a 3 year turbulent (same sex) relationship. She’s deleted me from every source of social media and has all of her sites private’s. Yet, here I am a month later still regularly ‘creeping’ her. Ive watched as her instagram posts have been declining in numbers. I can’t tell what she’s been deleting as her accounts are all private but I can only imagine that its pictures of us. And every time I see the number of posts she has decline I am struck by that stinging heartbreak all over again.  On my good days I’m strong enough to refrain from checking but then when I inevitably cave I make up for lost time and do so more often and search deeper only to be heartbroken that much more. I feel like a fucking stocker but I just miss her so much. 
I’m afraid if I block and she tries to reach out she won’t be able to. 
Reading this post back to myself I sound absolutely absurd. I’ll probably end up deleting this out of embarrassment but right now I’m just so desperate for help or support. How do people with BPD overcome this feeling of total abandonment? I can’t take this anymore",3.1398904164176145,5.168084610878662,4.005893604303648,86.61304044630405,75.27615062761507,6.560749153217772,27.28053397091054,7.447530270364453,1.503083522614066,958,38,187,12,21,307,150,239,0.138,0.7659999999999999,0.096,-0.9279,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,3,15,11,1,2,6,0,17,3,0,2,4,31,30,19,0,1,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,8,0,3,3,1,2,0,3,7,0,1,3,5,28,4,29,24,10,34,0,4,2,2,15,10,1,4,22,126,37,2,0.13938040405942573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822790819514025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717492728280342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554473967049464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988882996519515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24689933540188624,0.144017216123924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348680036952011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094984041000486,0.09957338850957533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185569004904351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885493760702985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690567006656613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342374682821017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680942250472847,0.0,0.0,0.12334727154706182,0.0,0.0,0.15215017582873194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303750201624164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125210875361348,0.0,0.2049212685970274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462562877527518,0.0,0.0,0.2120101560174894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966288225452715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004636963599465,0.0,0.1502756495937763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941812237623402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964239229974374,0.0,0.11903010350516027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110681363936156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208076935041136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130937072686513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816723079412054,0.0,0.0,0.10479671774737934,0.0,0.12182461658792686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250953378982768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946301451863392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765746462698025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951282089643888
bpd,imacatsrsly,2019/09/24,I feel like I would rather take anything else over BPD right now. I'm so tired of my perception of reality shifting.  I really can't handle it sometimes. Like tonight. I just sit here and cry because I'll never be normal. I'll never have concrete thoughts.,1.9534666666666685,4.638514480000001,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,84.2,5.7333333333333325,26.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.5287333333333333,204,9,38,3,6,66,40,50,0.13699999999999998,0.762,0.1,-0.4294,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,10,8,2,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,3,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143509228164925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878476592280294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280624985589768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861224821208353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759566398013905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170533307688528,0.18608529475591856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545124581731254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017928638558061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552128054560086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686866106523468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244650129040505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576190694674492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958467860074742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067901690767644,0.0,0.29938075622917265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503585858728688,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EntitledComplainer,2019/09/24,"Completely Lost and In Constant Misery and Nobody Knows It (RANT WARNING ) I should start off by saying I'm a 24 year old male with uBPD with zero friends or meaningful relationships. I have been in constant misery for the past 6 years following a breakup that completely unraveled me and made me realize I was not healthy. I am a ""quiet"" borderline and internalize everything and blame myself for all the things that happen to me. I only tend to lash out at family and immediately feel guilty, but I am almost powerless when it happens. I function too well for people to know how much pain I'm in.  I go through cycles on an almost weekly basis where I feel empowered and optimistic about the future only for a negative comment or a bit of self doubt to make me instantly feel sick to my stomach and trigger me into a deep depressive cycle for a few days.  I am 100% aware of my triggers and even try to rationalize them, but it doesn't stop me from curling up into a ball and crying for hours with chills going up my spine. A 24 year old ""man"" should never be this vulnerable. The only thing that keeps me distracted is exercise as other ""hobbies"" usually include people and people make me uncomfortable in general. I am confused what I really want in life. I think that if I had friends or a girlfriend that all my insecurities would go away. Obviously this is not true and unhealthy thinking, but how does one go about life completely lonely with no prospect of having someone care about them? I know I am a good person, but with flaws. I am losing more an more hope each year (I know I'm young at 24) but I feel like I've already missed my chance at making friends or loving someone. Everything I read about BPD states that you can't love some until you love yourself, but how can I have any chance at getting better if nobody cares about me now? I also suffer from extreme social anxiety and all my attempts at meeting people locally or online have failed miserably. Every person I  meet is a short lived (1 week max). I likely scare them away with my craziness. I am not an unattractive person physically, but that doesn't mean anything when you are insane.  I am not a fool and know its me and not them. I am not a bitter ""Nice Guy"". Luckily when I do feel suicidal, the urges are merely hypothetical thoughts and I can stop them long enough until I feel ""empowered"" again. This doesn't make it any more pleasant as I am constantly cycling through extremes of emotions on a single day and I honestly don't know ""who"" I am. A delay in a text could send me into deep despair and someone smiling at me could make me think I'm cured. I read too much literature on BPD and it just makes me more hopeless. According to the internet I'm a narcissist, asshole, manipulative, criminal, hothead, and every negative trait a human can be. Really I'm just a guy who is internally self destructing and longing for human closeness, which I will probably never get. Just the thought that I haven't been hugged in over 6 years makes me extremely upset. I honestly don't have the slightest idea where and how to get help, and what is help if nobody cares or even knows you are dying on the inside? Guess I should say I hope the best to any other BPD sufferers especially us guys fighting the stigma. (END RANT)",7.0960765225266025,6.916114722662443,7.579653158252209,72.83108716323298,64.21394611727416,10.697957889970569,34.351867783563506,10.290406445055957,3.4919128005433566,2614,103,473,55,35,863,298,631,0.213,0.632,0.155,-0.9921,3,2,0,0,2,1,65.0,1,4,5,6,25,45,3,7,34,0,48,11,2,15,7,124,106,51,2,12,25,0,6,2,4,5,5,3,0,12,26,35,0,4,22,4,0,6,18,22,1,2,8,10,72,23,67,89,16,76,0,11,0,4,42,34,0,17,37,334,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225140651559955,0.0,0.06750714936590473,0.04892091206407905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248014735637358,0.0,0.04679802517726223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034107851021365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149501763844668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419845220093544,0.05410352726271532,0.06678628197831013,0.0,0.23113994256539225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871132404323686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241966504810007,0.198322434736154,0.0,0.09768509490721272,0.0,0.06719688512054274,0.0789044777015238,0.0,0.052689169579028736,0.0,0.06348906595541769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353387415373311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881263768745978,0.05418210224863973,0.06320920643135343,0.0,0.08080984277131445,0.0,0.10308364881123172,0.0,0.10995868747796513,0.0,0.0576695046639426,0.0,0.1855888024791984,0.04370279497664554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178889227001412,0.0,0.0958828396816402,0.0,0.13906662133161762,0.051309939402486016,0.0,0.0,0.06739017678926766,0.1817159540915285,0.10819212334335553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200743019186668,0.0,0.0,0.12151938469312383,0.060244173791964374,0.0,0.0,0.06905812179126569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437435796873858,0.0,0.0,0.235337829400392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864181632240104,0.05977315828814786,0.0,0.05401785812348856,0.10827432108191208,0.0,0.06843817911849412,0.06677876528490556,0.0,0.1656360625933985,0.05788442011537461,0.28583934479189066,0.0,0.0,0.06663653741366418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994001632262215,0.0,0.0943624867037542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838387150175426,0.0,0.0414531587775281,0.1395769972291539,0.06509356400474668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839760807830512,0.1696416957880095,0.1602446145244678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595603506601046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238132516001525,0.0,0.07837940007163685,0.0,0.0,0.06567809821859757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729621205718618,0.061245954015016216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763587243740676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062359299266469985,0.15549786956663142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043299348502102576,0.0,0.0,0.1022885869624375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691454518986419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812827182225359,0.11759369490791807,0.0,0.0971308170718338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153320375645436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358491975185237,0.0,0.0673746373464697,0.0,0.036082073863466194,0.0,0.09814035894071613,0.0,0.05500286980486101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345633115058693,0.0,0.0,0.19697059939267653
bpd,Emilyc_117,2019/09/24,"Paranoia DAE go through a period where they’re feeling really good and then out of no where your paranoia skyrockets?? Lately I’ve been so paranoid about everything - wrecking, going to sleep, not answering my phone if people call (like is it the last time they’ll be alive?) is that messed up?? Has anyone else ever experienced something like this???",4.931666666666668,7.795240338709675,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,73.03225806451613,8.004301075268819,28.075268817204304,8.841846274778883,2.6530559139784944,279,11,45,6,6,86,57,62,0.17600000000000002,0.721,0.10400000000000001,-0.6102,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,1,7,9,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,3,6,6,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,8,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488272171896154,0.2855745689876742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28459729813044543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328290813011273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521120096467121,0.0,0.0,0.2504894164781697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092574797606766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167982232957091,0.2337713749636113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718842456714786,0.3144005841177984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723303430418959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932246117289325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855078701069138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789144430865065,0.0,0.0,0.21456700708837328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251988481710666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,selfharmaway,2019/09/24,Started cutting again. I think I’m going to tonight. I was trying hard to be with someone. It ended tonight. He was so.. nice about it. And it fucking hurts. I keep getting attached to people I shouldn’t be with. My eyes hurt from crying.,-0.6408510638297855,0.9230211914893652,0.8047021276595778,97.66450000000002,113.6808510638298,1.88,21.72127659574468,3.1291,-0.3861812765957451,184,8,36,0,10,58,35,47,0.253,0.6920000000000001,0.055,-0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,6,12,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,2,5,1,7,7,0,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146239752819677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536871816010656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647949286999889,0.14964503254302822,0.0,0.16278170168861628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658018341661604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6132469197553804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545873462265493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985707544577875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426866353659506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273280715933276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352931932114952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446350301223725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImTrashButUR2,2019/09/24,"How to avoid turning someone into your FP? Welp, I did it again! I lost my “new” FP. I known him most of my life but he recently became my FP once again and now that’s over with. Honestly I should have known better than to get close with anyone and have any kind of feelings for anyone again. How do you avoid making people your FP? I’m pretty sure my life has come to point where I need to avoid all human contact to keep myself for getting hurt and from hurting myself along the way.",3.6726406926406914,4.6168987171717175,4.22874458874459,89.93454545454546,71.92929292929294,6.465223665223665,22.223665223665233,6.1826913282559595,0.28625137085137103,379,8,80,2,7,120,68,99,0.154,0.715,0.132,0.1906,0,3,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,3,0,2,7,10,0,3,1,0,6,2,0,3,2,25,16,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,1,15,4,16,13,2,13,0,3,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655017243912432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808065908380422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759035449647198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297051642056782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152998301082933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981832855994947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42991886035580257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847933389438916,0.0,0.20910120779813626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28366047498833186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219195775206984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340348590903195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888987792822392,0.0,0.1939328782322456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21384432955532606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392087097486557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981991274863005,0.0,0.0,0.20428472179722795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826473964774735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013629965191246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925063505611986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841159792917625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938486096331686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,plymo,2019/09/24,"I’ve fucked up badly. My (ex?) partner has BPD has goes through days/weeks of isolating himself from me. There have been times where he’s ghosted on our plans as well, which is really hurtful. I basically messaged him after 4 days of him ignoring me/ignoring our plans and asked him to try harder or let me go because I couldn’t handle it anymore. No response so I said I was out for good. I’m really regretting it because I’ve sent him some really toxic messages and said some cruel things to him out of anger. He’s now been hanging up on me without saying a word and has now blocked my number. All this without him talking to me in almost a week. I know I’ve been toxic (pretty sure I have BPD too, but that’s no excuse) but I’m just as a loss what to do. As much as we may be a bad fit for each other, I just want him back.",2.1258857142857157,3.4364661314285736,4.051857142857145,88.27664285714287,76.25714285714288,6.828571428571428,24.5,7.447530270364453,1.0399714285714279,643,21,140,8,14,219,108,175,0.168,0.769,0.063,-0.9541,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,0,3,10,12,3,0,4,0,15,1,0,0,2,27,25,11,1,3,7,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,8,7,0,2,1,0,0,3,5,9,1,0,7,3,24,3,25,14,5,19,0,3,0,1,24,9,1,5,7,99,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115998592942704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961104026854905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045887726895482,0.0,0.0,0.12375432615362235,0.2687593963078253,0.1962172807856472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40540117952048055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037941602864532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878812031331953,0.0,0.0,0.09146694589114968,0.13499036378583076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229154826774434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884494159368258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457391631443571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183107567820093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373569178500816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093103554261689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30618505452633943,0.12798739594639372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168576180857782,0.0,0.0,0.1293589395091397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692259462919644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384647019896036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926893209316793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492765599993136,0.0,0.25819564220411834,0.0,0.14470602559049467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31028434482043404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darkbats94,2019/10/22,"Do I have BPD? Worried about an actual diagnosis Hello everyone,

I only recently created my Reddit account after months of consideration, with one of the reasons being to ask for opinions regarding my dilemma.

For a while now, I have been experiencing symptoms similar to BPD (such as unstable emotions, where I’ll be happy at one point and shift to being depressed in an hour or so, and seeing things solely in black or white), but I have  been putting off getting a medical diagnosis on this, due to worrying over how my family would take this and how to deal with it.

It would be really nice if any advice could be given regarding this. Thank you in advance!",9.043715846994537,8.094916868852463,9.84655737704918,60.68355191256833,60.639344262295076,13.379234972677596,40.005464480874316,12.45797560212912,5.335634972677594,526,24,85,16,6,181,87,122,0.078,0.828,0.094,0.6303,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,14,2,0,3,0,17,20,12,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,3,4,8,3,21,9,0,18,0,1,3,0,4,9,0,4,7,70,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.16355121846251824,0.0,0.0,0.1637745723124802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397221071087685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566812633348337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221669742434457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338131582363616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278591126260393,0.14435168830860148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885249000224616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601468232903846,0.0,0.0,0.1579962339257338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756290206919899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841091122873864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505001439780076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883709137639835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377491749076295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271371328517723,0.12746563389308446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843403714888682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684820200082535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736740414921402,0.172318390597459,0.16548254960091002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355370022526553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419822440739574,0.12601264305925436,0.0,0.0,0.15430148198510565,0.0,0.0,0.11134449166195867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404072817297567,0.0,0.23811325247311024,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adabbadon,2019/10/22,"significant other told me he feels unhappy in our relationship and fantasizes about dating other people... worst part is he won't even tell me why he's unhappy. my bpd hasn't even been bad lately, my mental health has been a million miles better than it was when we first started dating 3 years ago. he just tells me he's bored. i try to be the best and i try to do what he wants but i'm so busy lately that i can't be as exciting as i used to be. i try to plan stuff for us to do and try to initiate sex when i have time but i rarely have the time to do much of anything and so i'm losing him and i feel empty, i feel worthless. i'm not enough and i don''t event know why.",0.4998359073359069,2.17852135810811,2.8044787644787665,93.78472972972976,82.04054054054055,6.1204633204633225,18.003861003861005,7.1686216300943375,-0.012186872586872344,523,11,126,7,14,179,89,148,0.146,0.8,0.054000000000000006,-0.9237,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,5,8,8,0,0,3,0,16,2,0,1,0,17,27,14,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,4,3,19,3,14,19,5,15,0,2,0,1,14,2,0,0,13,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331369457310068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235959612941151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540479982413882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761818475460468,0.13283341675091345,0.0,0.0,0.18916270264280016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551894171265369,0.0,0.19840199087749974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782613252104145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775400593501038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596480317640565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254209119755103,0.0,0.3388482713798973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802743977074194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135911972896365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040906457682992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264427695448894,0.0,0.10412484737602956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125096890107182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630730925720007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193493974895674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26255043318815513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751573782525269,0.0,0.0,0.1435157544834331,0.0,0.4078844868499853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066356865269145,0.12971844466867585,0.0,0.0,0.08858766511598608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710514665535338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671930478675228
bpd,fennster100,2019/10/22,"Could someone discuss BPD with me? I would like to talk about BPD with someone that understands from experience.

I am not a sufferer, but rather a friend of a loved one, experiencing it from the outside. I want understand more where she is coming from and feeling.

Sorry, don't really want to write a wall of text here as I don't want to miss details or maybe be misunderstood. The basics are that we are very close (M+F), but recently it seems we are not good together as close as we are. I'm trying to understand where the bounderies should be, as I care a lot for this person and want he best for them, but at the same time not to have us push each other apart.",6.5887987012987015,5.837767295454547,6.871861471861473,79.38136363636366,65.43939393939394,10.573160173160174,30.97835497835498,9.957137785484203,2.6157173160173164,521,16,109,10,7,169,85,132,0.053,0.722,0.225,0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,4,0,1,1,6,8,0,0,9,0,14,1,0,0,0,34,28,10,0,8,8,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,2,12,6,20,23,5,11,0,2,0,1,13,7,0,3,3,80,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169436712137128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881093229745771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709182986242345,0.0,0.0,0.13272374300291595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301799386670186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071692830558225,0.0,0.0,0.07790599028712489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903955321063105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292325265530311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527426806176793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099080530897425,0.13906056088750565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479111465114548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044066024011784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453414447357648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870570905875686,0.0,0.15213250729717212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026596735022787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610979833761127,0.0,0.0,0.17247665254254638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384130330598893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984357187996855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460820885374857,0.0,0.0,0.4811989552270125,0.1853357303959938,0.0,0.0,0.12712970953687502,0.3635145644645138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945192168836278,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,igaveupandneedhelp,2019/10/22,For those who’ve done psychedelics: What effect did they have on you? Did you enjoy it? What were your thoughts like? Anything really,2.568749999999998,5.4823183750000055,1.0083333333333364,98.52000000000002,94.41666666666666,4.066666666666666,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.16929999999999978,107,3,20,1,4,29,21,24,0.0,0.7709999999999999,0.22899999999999998,0.7383,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748119394363782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5904590225965454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28188717894944304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696332702955806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580640005910925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bizzylizzy666,2019/10/22,"Why did it take me this long to realize?? Question for fwb or short term relationship I had an epiphany and I want to share w my fellow bpds! So I’ve realized that I don’t even want a relationship and I guess I knew that. I just didn’t have proof bc I haven’t been in an actual relationship since I was 17 (I’m almost 23). After going deep into my therapy appointment and journaling I thought about this relationship I had with someone who was married and once he started liking me/clinging to me, I was soo “eye rolling” at everything he did. I started sleeping around and feeling like it was a chore to hang out with him. Then I got into yet another unattainable relationship with a guy in an open relationship. I tried so hard to get him to pick me and stressed about it all the time. I didn’t even get to know him. I just fantasized him liking me more and me being the top bitch. I think I’m going to cool off on relationships bc I pick guys who don’t want me or are unavailable. So I ended up dropping this guy in the open relationship and now I’m fantasizing about him being sad about it. He probably is like wtf where’d she go which is a nice thought. I read the bpdlovedones posts and saw that the guys usually do question it and are somewhat relieved that it’s over (don’t like that part) idk where I’m going with this haha. Did anyone get that clarification on if they do miss you after you drop them? Fwb or short term relationship question",3.4674836212030935,5.025638500000003,4.7578796902918405,83.56329660512209,73.24657534246576,8.228945801072067,27.079213817748666,8.841846274778883,1.9721308516974387,1150,42,238,23,23,381,145,292,0.069,0.789,0.142,0.9515,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,2,1,15,14,1,1,12,2,25,2,2,2,2,48,52,18,0,4,6,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,4,19,20,0,0,12,1,0,5,6,4,0,0,17,5,38,10,32,33,6,41,0,2,2,0,33,20,1,10,18,155,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.07529124090616636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725865437006782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090276764229479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394791837184558,0.0,0.0,0.06868347826575537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833560384011922,0.0,0.0,0.10191906871131977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693411015300938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03901141507695017,0.055118881702397926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092944857477775,0.0,0.17539373978313808,0.0,0.061707156457731824,0.0,0.08499390449366713,0.30557863045484995,0.0,0.0,0.06911489045889321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424018581019858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846790247761927,0.0,0.0,0.06827892241572417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216656454325558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355033719728358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389226993330074,0.0,0.08318513487078764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25929064159765064,0.0,0.07717494713647417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.745511355801275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382264246173558,0.0,0.07720978789519649,0.0,0.06537239156899287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922009309261256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837972438932097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801025730646819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823240097312024,0.0,0.0,0.04943721152572468,0.0,0.1225034238359506,0.04498915759478513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238254774773474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497430582246637,0.0,0.13652240516335715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961954595765732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ineedtoovercomethis,2019/10/22,"Casual sex with your FP Does anyone have experience with this? How did you handle it and how did it affect you? Did it change your perception of your FP?

Personally for me, I think it was a big mistake and took a huge toll on my emotional health, but I'm still having a hard time convincing myself to not continue.",3.61,5.3325290322580665,5.233096774193552,79.62964516129036,73.19354838709677,9.476129032258065,23.690322580645162,9.888512548439397,2.2629574193548394,248,7,49,7,5,84,47,62,0.053,0.813,0.135,0.6298,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,3,0,12,9,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,9,2,6,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207649480849187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359835143152135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779378929864194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572623844627308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106782057107855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845113041505997,0.0,0.0,0.3375987981311785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27732005343913485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536394139185457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350817937154306,0.0,0.0,0.1851977745308308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35287035517986104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miller_kaz,2019/10/22,"DAE oscillate between being clingy and afraid of abandonment and feeling distant and smothered by people? 

Someone I've been seeing goes days without texting me sometimes, which is normal since they're a STEM student and busy with school. But it does drive me crazy no matter how I rationalize it and I feel like I'm being abandoned, even though we're not even in a serious relationship. 

And now they've been wanting to hang out more and we have fun together. But every time they ask to hang out now, I feel grossed out, suffocated, like I just want to be alone and I start devaluing them. But I always end up enjoying it when we *do* go out, I just absolutely dread it beforehand. Sometimes I feel gross afterwards, too no matter how good the night was.

Ironically, I feel clingy when someone is ignoring me even a little bit, but when I have a normal level of interaction with someone, I feel like *they're* being clingy and I hate it and I want to get away.

I get this way even with my friends, too. I love them with all of my heart, but every now and then I feel like I almost hate them for basically no reason. I exaggerate their flaws in my head, and it's not always triggered by anything they did in particular, it just happens randomly.

With my friend who is my ex-FP, we drifted apart somewhat just because of life circumstances, which isn't their fault, but I was devastated. Every now and then we talk again and it's like old times when we'd be together every day and text each other until 4am. But it never gets that far anymore, and just being reminded of how close we used to be makes me so angry with them for ""abandoning"" me and I want nothing to do with them anymore. I feel like they're just using me and taking advantage of my love for them while not caring about my feelings and it makes me nearly hate them. But they're still one of my best friends and I love them so much when I'm thinking rationally.",4.0599204244031855,5.629812445623344,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,71.75862068965517,7.958620689655173,27.323607427055702,8.53829466247534,1.9060801061007964,1520,54,298,26,29,493,179,377,0.129,0.698,0.17300000000000001,0.9555,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,6,0,12,2,30,32,4,2,5,0,21,6,2,9,2,92,57,43,0,6,18,0,9,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,16,38,0,4,11,0,0,5,9,14,0,1,5,10,55,18,39,44,7,46,0,3,1,3,29,15,0,3,31,209,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334201511151174,0.08620034411659752,0.0,0.0,0.13850671310840942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508199170296134,0.0,0.0,0.06849053487182745,0.0,0.07780806104377216,0.0,0.07819656726847532,0.0,0.0,0.050735744006388465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734390401058681,0.0,0.09086472340609647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485770996618368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073518891825707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283442832489921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371636193166713,0.0,0.0,0.21988839008257136,0.0,0.2804967415304157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787486300708664,0.23783581058852155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290800590390395,0.0,0.13045145573297232,0.0,0.047301068827358926,0.06980869893767412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735993011671543,0.0,0.0,0.2465147935136825,0.08541716441356847,0.0,0.0,0.098626995330262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878724092743162,0.24396947999255006,0.08341751723425041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253527905403075,0.0,0.1111122662308322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061183033882234734,0.0,0.06419148513936357,0.0,0.0,0.0781049602369928,0.1630938772937884,0.07986065610978277,0.0,0.08733503818642954,0.0,0.05639825567550478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770064341553225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557347298074043,0.0,0.08935700643448677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423238747263541,0.06632289170110896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884804913924761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155947733395206,0.0,0.16463160157340334,0.0,0.05891005171669056,0.0,0.06646694164268713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257799570130038,0.06689647327284415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053329906709379975,0.08177226028463552,0.0,0.09706322437765423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376660151470805,0.0,0.0,0.19636293947831804,0.06606346000105312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022997273719751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderlineunicorn199,2019/10/22,"It’s all my fault again I want to actually fucking cry. 
I’m done. So I’ve been talking with this dude for weeks, he took me out on a first date and I liked him. I asked him when we first started talking what he was looking for and he specifically said he didn’t want hookups and wanted something more. 

So I continued talking to him. I didn’t get to hang out again with him until last Sunday but in the weeks leading up to it we were hardcore flirting, and talking about possibly having sex. 

We talked literally all the time & daily. I clarified a bunch I didn’t want to do this if I was just going to be a one night stand. And he reassured me I wouldn’t be. 

I also clarified to him please don’t have sex with me and ghost me because I’ve been burned by that in the past. He promised he wouldn’t. 

Sunday we met up and watched a movie, which led to us having sex & me staying the night at his house. 

Yesterday after he dropped me off home he’s been acting really off and distant. And today he’s completely ignoring me. 

I feel used again and thrown away. Am I right to feel a bit duped? 
I know it’s my fault in the first place for having sex with him but I was also reassured a million times he doesn’t just view me as a hookup or one night stand.",1.8379616465531468,3.5214261901140698,3.2718465862126003,91.97166143164159,77.97338403041826,6.5510993552653325,23.22185485204166,7.423996415210882,0.7743481236568028,980,31,221,13,23,321,132,263,0.07200000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.084,-0.0222,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,5,0,0,4,11,9,1,0,12,0,23,5,0,3,2,41,41,21,1,7,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,8,20,0,1,3,0,0,6,7,4,0,6,14,6,36,5,33,23,5,49,0,0,3,5,33,14,1,2,26,146,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.1114956279960557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827381015783099,0.0,0.2475887784972968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681226355238783,0.0,0.1073455917025572,0.0,0.0,0.0696483061991249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473600619101452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979336584174413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550288517535765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692172546808395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554072348044195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915537190340369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562617645991076,0.059693109272676376,0.0,0.06493330076758021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460628876412808,0.0,0.0,0.1318340187538095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279112603778796,0.0931324307937249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581883600518675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594476108954954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216595100431511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548432197974464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090685719735318,0.0,0.0,0.11937133211353393,0.12541681313910236,0.0,0.12880445523119968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319417283746119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757247141914399,0.10868191805462088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795847313236851,0.0,0.0,0.08086971819421265,0.12177978629488832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591660322909577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324509780083246,0.0,0.10829963207828952,0.0,0.12694063172753647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743374737814104,0.09867895385788716,0.0,0.0,0.2695603741067452,0.0,0.18329567177273345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pichulove,2019/10/22,"I allow myself to be used & thrown away. I want to actually fucking cry. 

I’m done. So I’ve been talking with this dude for weeks, he took me out on a first date and I liked him. I asked him when we first started talking what he was looking for and he specifically said he didn’t want hookups and wanted something more. 

So I continued talking to him. I didn’t get to hang out again with him until last Sunday but in the weeks leading up to it we were hardcore flirting, and talking about possibly having sex. 

We talked literally all the time & daily. I clarified a bunch I didn’t want to do this if I was just going to be a one night stand. 

And he reassured me I wouldn’t be. 

Yesterday after he dropped me off home he’s been acting really off and distant. And today he’s completely ignoring me. 
Once again I’ve been lied to and used for sex. And I allow it to happen over & over. 

I hate myself.",1.9183301707779847,3.813126354838708,3.7125426944971562,87.93293168880459,78.46236559139786,6.742061986084758,23.84440227703985,7.724431198458867,1.1527518026565464,706,24,149,11,17,237,103,186,0.081,0.8340000000000001,0.085,-0.6636,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,0,3,7,6,2,0,5,0,16,3,0,5,1,31,33,15,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,16,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,3,12,2,25,3,27,17,3,35,0,0,1,3,23,10,1,1,19,101,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.12469524798590365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153500637846478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194574346186191,0.0,0.12005390182669275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397532916026805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036078069752864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076372423049848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737990358658027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181309303709858,0.06675999048204245,0.0,0.07262055192014452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299579489849156,0.0,0.0,0.1261567007910087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817417018981755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415808908457258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062427054074241185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730336240119563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991325906002913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608196675414178,0.08658731305707079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405321334493815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185940289437353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154843169172545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837160269719404,0.0,0.0,0.09044363214972186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135252681410064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450978487590815,0.0,0.12112088806981895,0.0,0.1419687375841535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072249546384148,0.0,0.0,0.3014727868755773,0.0,0.2049954752239465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wolvesofpatience,2019/10/22,"How on earth do I keep a job? Every few months I have a bit of a breakdown, suicidal ideation, self harm, hospital trips, the whole thing. It’s never planned and will be set off by a stupid trigger, it’s like all of my emotions build up and up and up until a tiny trigger makes them fucking explode. 

Lately I’ve noticed how much it’s impacted my jobs. I have had 3 jobs in the last year, the longest I’ve managed to keep one was 3 months. 

How do people keep a job when they’re consistently in hospital for wanting to die? Or bedridden for weeks with depression? I honestly don’t see how I’m ever going to be able to keep a stable job and it’s stressing me out.",3.9162318840579746,4.340335840579712,5.182753623188408,85.21514492753623,71.02898550724638,8.162318840579712,30.55072463768116,8.167268648758528,2.0137333333333336,518,21,111,7,9,173,88,138,0.161,0.7829999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9463,5,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,1,10,0,10,1,0,7,3,22,20,11,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,2,1,8,2,19,15,5,21,0,1,1,1,2,8,1,1,11,69,13,6,0.12792356781985734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965940414569775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018038151500302,0.0,0.13276446687031007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389679575583386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157141908555338,0.10778112318646896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826327711654852,0.0,0.0,0.07270191159180221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6347220106543995,0.4548173792447459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427478150434008,0.14430335645921374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062496993567783224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538997486253838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421474274356696,0.0,0.0940385414219578,0.0,0.09866254174047744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456418298346063,0.0,0.0,0.08668432024269218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868609484696835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193852123226796,0.0,0.13345218032958955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653601472902691,0.0,0.0,0.1399276203596992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498673423674577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545263468550775,0.0,0.10261256987442888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282209505689306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237858353706844
bpd,saturnine_celeste,2019/10/22,"Confused So I finally got into a psychiatrist and after the session I asked if she agreed with my therapist about my diagnosis of BPD with comorbid symptoms of depression and anxiety. She said from what we talked about (I was there for two hours), she thinks I have PTSD and BPD traits but mostly struggling with depression. Who should I trust because it always confuses me when I get different diagnosis from different people? I don’t feel depressed at all so I’m confused lmao",6.825517241379313,8.381477701149429,7.154655172413797,69.59336206896555,65.0919540229885,11.317241379310346,36.339080459770116,11.20814326018867,4.682963218390804,388,19,63,12,6,126,64,87,0.24,0.647,0.113,-0.9026,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,4,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,18,11,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,3,2,14,1,13,7,2,6,0,3,0,0,8,2,0,5,4,48,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481771176134522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136230980960742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648108894958236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855612898641773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485719357547055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601410356891831,0.0,0.0,0.37211212830212703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004277609757919,0.0,0.0,0.1950783198399903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303963331539572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424271245116857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753732740166208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345849286111005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816640041107795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939519363325078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616824808131413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509367026516346,0.0,0.14313424043666154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067650128602472,0.0,0.11410669824508952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395862667790685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Badonkadonks_,2019/10/22,"I love and desperately hate my partner. Currently I hate him because he won't go to my house So I know realistically I'm being selfish. I can't bare to be alone in this house. It brings back awful memories. I'm treated like a child here.

At my bfs I love it. It's calm and easy going. I just wish I could feel safe and happy at home.",-0.4870833333333309,1.6519166805555583,2.6077777777777804,90.615,90.52777777777777,5.422222222222223,19.11111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.25371111111111144,259,8,60,4,9,92,51,72,0.205,0.508,0.287,0.8074,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,0,9,17,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,11,7,5,13,0,8,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276066297954231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898302278676108,0.0,0.13396456617200364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546166973215668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111801378201584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497910413664707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233940195382995,0.0,0.4339379532752196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043869539303595,0.0,0.0,0.5071505135694968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077516910539822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073643647310265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966866543710799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25271487099654244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idolove_Nikki,2019/10/22,"How do you all handle the feelings of abandonment when your SO goes to hang out with their friends alone? Basically what tree title says. What do you do except sit in the despair trying not to feel totally alone and left behind/unwanted?

Thanks for any help",4.881875000000001,7.090446770833335,4.823333333333334,81.855,70.875,8.133333333333335,26.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.1147333333333336,207,7,37,4,4,64,41,48,0.171,0.6809999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.0926,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,11,6,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,8,6,2,6,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6568937930721627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565655519558702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32069686905658423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24501076148218295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256287354558315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34455832766773425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521913242688961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919670142303041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530773778353884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sehuns_buddy,2019/10/22,"I need a good translation for my BPD tattoo Hello, 
I would like to tattoo ""time;"" on my wrist to show that time will make things better and that my feelings are only temporary no matter how bad they are. However I don't like the idea of people around me being able to read it (aka Western people) so I thought making it in japanese or/and Korean. Hopefully this isn't cultural appropriation. I'm truly passionate by eastern asia, and I think their alphabets are so beautiful.

I hope some of you can help me with real translation. And sorry of I have offended any of you.",4.756,6.154782918181818,6.2925,74.43875,69.81818181818181,10.227272727272727,28.29545454545455,10.411451182825502,3.189454545454545,451,16,81,13,8,154,80,110,0.073,0.6709999999999999,0.257,0.9711,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,2,1,4,9,1,0,2,0,10,2,1,3,0,19,19,6,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,16,7,13,15,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,3,4,55,22,1,0.2014838359254535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701591760444226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936333102748314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823058701230467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781960794658103,0.0,0.0,0.2537618380720607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187628135580712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689950822384225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505036812384855,0.0,0.0,0.400237822319119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274507260630383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686964978302768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689840500557337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493977113463088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532375364306776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793670452997173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153836031291286,0.22933271570848296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255446585939381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385690775064954,0.12910270650031033,0.0,0.159955659761941,0.23497369003643906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312833618777848,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bzch,2019/10/22,"Sick of being me Nowadays I feel like nobody genuinely cares about me. I’ve been distancing myself from everyone because I’m scared that I’m going to get hurt if they leave, and I don’t want to come off as needy or vulnerable at all. I have a few friends but I feel like even if I disappeared, it wouldn’t matter to them much. Maybe a little to my family if I’m lucky. I have this one close friend who used to talk to me constantly, we’d hang out very often and he used to be there for me sometimes. But now, he’s found many other friends and I feel like even though he says I’m important, he doesn’t really mean it. I’m always there for him and he always vents when he’s going through shit and I try my best to console him but when I feel the need to vent, I can’t go to him. He’ll just give vague replies when I’m trying to talk about my feelings but when it’s his turn, he’ll send fucking paragraphs. I love being there for people but I’ve come to a point where I’m beyond fucking tired of me being way more caring than the other person. I hate feeling like I’m not important. I hate feeling worthless. I constantly feel like he’s just using me now. My opinion of him keeps changing and it’s so so so frustrating. I want to distance myself from him and hurt him but I also want him in my life but I don’t want to tell him or any of my other friends how I feel because I hate feeling “weak” in front of others. My family also barely gives a fuck about me. When I try talking to my mom about my feelings, she just dismisses them and changes the subject or pretends like she doesn’t hear me. What infuriates me the most is when people pretend to care and check up on you but when you even vaguely try to tell them how you actually are, they couldn’t give less of a fuck. Don’t fucking pretend to care about me and stop toying with my emotions. Don’t fucking ask me at all then, I would actually prefer that. I’m just too nice at times because I never want anyone to feel depressed so I always let them vent to me but now I’m questioning if some people would even talk to me if it wasn’t for their personal gain. I’m done with feeling like this and dealing with one sided relationships. I’ve been through shit alone. I didn’t need anyone then and I definitely don’t fucking need anyone now.",2.1744710365853663,3.83163762291667,3.602936991869922,90.08332317073172,76.9375,6.432926829268293,23.3739837398374,7.217587316427113,0.7716925813008122,1809,56,392,21,41,595,198,480,0.16899999999999998,0.6509999999999999,0.18,0.3452,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,3,7,2,40,38,13,1,9,0,27,14,2,5,3,86,94,48,0,18,22,1,13,7,4,5,4,2,0,2,15,19,0,2,17,4,1,9,14,19,0,2,6,15,72,19,55,76,9,43,0,4,0,8,56,15,9,14,25,255,87,0,0.0,0.0,0.1127039471536433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980766098194463,0.0,0.092359250821779,0.14414842468795108,0.0,0.0,0.03926940481915865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113248370033668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053984913682871984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560466579215956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060108754135313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355044496108688,0.0,0.12217567226543835,0.09948649803611724,0.0,0.12480628236168842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953380963743012,0.04973672835827956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059094424620550576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495671682857802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256331541015106,0.0,0.0,0.055178980867940666,0.0,0.0,0.10887598005221484,0.0,0.3795768626865429,0.2475234352278898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331574160745318,0.17845832265971487,0.3736981017381339,0.03017001273423193,0.16618628726148885,0.0984555102709482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103728933561893,0.0,0.0,0.06508417854856002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363703000250575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132748710132275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061144901325058426,0.0,0.05904941488301407,0.04078785776882709,0.1974831784646436,0.057876875572019426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211821149940085,0.0,0.0,0.05854559602321852,0.05801383224782643,0.06290255448244708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763166635873914,0.0,0.0,0.04245011067851364,0.1284542549906728,0.044537439153950927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826065638093334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201018588221076,0.1008435310603554,0.0,0.0,0.05458883620074855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468897403456686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699370251414561,0.0,0.0,0.06199782149322325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592210608025907,0.05781403279320189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185513149454406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057112480899718585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827841949826373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856568734332754,0.10094547028585008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056735360756978125,0.0,0.03367228099194685,0.06637077665573335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682355137409826,0.06281129714503887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962256100081645,0.0,0.0476466731272588,0.17030106193445135,0.04583625575430246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204250532521022,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lose_the_feeling,2019/10/22,"Boy got interested in me... and now ignores my existence So I thought that I was starting a friendship (potentially a relationship) with a guy... We had so many topics to talk about, he even invited me to the cinema. Then he didn't write to me as much as he used to, so I started to worry about it (but everyone was telling me it's normal and I dont need to be in touch with him all the time). We went on a ""date"". It went well, he told me that he enjoyed our time together and he liked me.
And then he stopped to talk to me. Like, at all. No more texts, when we have classes he doesn't sit next to me anymore. 
I'm just very sad that he at least hasnt told me anything. Even ""i dont like you anymore"" or stuff.
I don't know what to do. We attend the same classes. I'm ignoring him but I really want to know why he's treating me like that. What have I done wrong. I didn't pressured him into a relationship, having a friend would be great, too.
I'm just tired of being rejected by everyone.",1.0523157894736848,2.689715219047621,3.2738596491228087,91.27657894736844,80.14285714285714,6.897243107769424,23.43358395989975,7.85451343220497,1.0049523809523817,756,26,178,13,19,259,112,210,0.127,0.757,0.11599999999999999,-0.3421,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,5,1,0,0,13,16,0,1,9,0,19,1,0,1,2,31,35,15,0,4,5,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,10,11,0,3,3,1,0,3,8,6,1,0,12,1,29,10,25,19,6,21,0,2,0,0,30,6,0,1,15,119,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601480514815733,0.0,0.0,0.10793230084052244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422072102176055,0.30743365800709177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325795392125407,0.0,0.0,0.25065520630402666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133276063488032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489946391138752,0.1446027505030522,0.0,0.12986757273221147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416260411518975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25630974518099026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297417076724374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641661627655852,0.09725239357107028,0.0,0.0,0.13948859247568546,0.0,0.1285075190481626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402351755848061,0.0,0.0,0.2816303688894872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566937566819827,0.0,0.0,0.1096544101487794,0.0,0.0,0.15014514590668174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108405283143596,0.1146383427256159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412522813705632,0.1529591958025336,0.1507474445297978,0.0,0.25065520630402666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327886484273675,0.0,0.1082195293801853,0.07736070355329097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792727662093848,0.2431705563638191,0.11835017958921674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331978613067002,0.0,0.09317126183974976,0.14340127102408862,0.0,0.0
bpd,Meadowinthewoods,2019/10/22,"DAE feel like they don’t know themselves? Now that my BPD has improved, I feel myself feeling lost with this “new me” that isn’t a total mess. I find myself latching on to enneagram and MBTI and pouring over memes and posts to try and find things about myself that I relate to. If you asked me to describe myself, I would feel totally lost.",5.785,5.952195223880602,5.560410447761196,85.03076492537315,66.91044776119404,7.894029850746268,28.690298507462693,7.1686216300943375,1.4651522388059703,268,8,53,2,4,83,47,67,0.10400000000000001,0.792,0.10400000000000001,-0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,16,12,5,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,13,1,8,9,2,5,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,39,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466021120215767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28919364678599235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644035297051301,0.1640379050945866,0.0,0.0,0.4197302114395377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619109387455293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217890837090236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013065534134779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176481888932206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990890940037044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254684311087732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589437105146747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631128061454266,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Choicesinlife,2019/10/22,"DAE get upset and/or feel almost insulted when even the smallest of plans change, even more so when they're canceled? I'm sitting here feeling dumb because I caught myself almost splitting because my GF told me she was going to play x video game but ended up playing y. Like I was seriously starting to freak out over it and feel spiteful towards her for ""lying"". Why am I like this?",7.502808219178082,7.305567739726031,7.045308219178088,77.05645547945207,63.38356164383562,8.395890410958902,36.05821917808219,7.1686216300943375,2.6421534246575344,307,13,53,2,4,96,62,73,0.192,0.669,0.139,-0.6612,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,12,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,6,0,0,4,3,8,4,8,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,6,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132507079180587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124493269473568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711080965196653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269862019531729,0.0,0.0,0.3385383462406027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887455049868284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389465468348385,0.0,0.14564866849235475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25040892869588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813948565236008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448845697939201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23125099407339106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rednammmm,2019/10/22,"Nothing for birthday it was my birthday a few days ago and my boyfriend of 8 months got me no present and did nothing for me.
his family didn't really do much for birthdays growing up and he hasn't been the best gift giver. but i got him gifts for valentines, our anniversary, his birthday. and he said his paycheck was specifically for my birthday. so i figured he was going to get me something.
but turns out he spent all his money, and didn't end up doing anything for me.
he said he didn't know ""it had to be specifically on this day"" like it's not my literal birthday, and that he was waiting til he got paid again, even though he said he was going to put his last paycheck aside. and that would mean i'd have to wait about another week.

i am pretty upset because we have been having issues, this makes me feel like he doesn't care.
he's apologized for being a ""piece of shit"" and for fucking up but it just feels wrong and i'm so upset because my birthday won't be for a whole year and i wanted it to be special.

i just don't know how long i can really be upset about this, but it feels like i'll never forget it.",3.644913793103449,4.410888663793107,4.713275862068965,87.09681034482759,71.84482758620689,7.3517241379310345,27.0,7.413659706084162,1.2855637931034491,878,29,187,9,16,288,119,232,0.11800000000000001,0.782,0.1,-0.7446,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,1,10,13,2,3,4,0,29,2,1,2,2,35,54,19,0,2,7,0,3,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,12,12,0,2,7,0,3,4,10,6,0,0,20,6,24,7,24,27,6,22,0,0,0,1,25,5,2,0,16,124,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905183411043062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082879357992384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052023012782182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637401755961114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409431009639138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693123657354125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322912602912738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895292247491066,0.0,0.0,0.08870610924502488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266092645496915,0.0,0.20372345772236836,0.19189270873757372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241613014367099,0.07016796766199536,0.0,0.1526554003958288,0.0,0.32224402152517584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140177825177365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761923963965892,0.10947517178851944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684152798193952,0.0,0.0,0.11885425617648142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964854236308963,0.0,0.0,0.14629574232076015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719966861148393,0.0,0.09872843009967988,0.0,0.10358303849029096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25773541140916284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136634810231195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501198169772965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207635572289914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832597801195933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786047932191028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339329570114388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195237913739086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460835003851473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921560731104059,0.0,0.10773006236600936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994491636406687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540526070174013,0.14683965180749786,0.0,0.08648696697619171
bpd,hummusnhugz,2019/10/22,"How to leave a fight without needing it to be resolved Hi all. I don’t know how to carry on with my day when I know I’m in confrontation with someone. 

I just had a really stupid fight this morning with my boyfriend, and he said he doesn’t want to see me for the rest of the day and he had to leave the conversation because he had to class. 

Logically??? This would be no big deal for someone without a BPD mind. But right now I’m consumed with bad thoughts and I don’t know how to distract myself from this situation. 

Please help. I’m kinda spiraling right now.",3.0207149758454115,4.431620095652175,4.066376811594203,88.66729468599036,74.13043478260869,7.1980676328502415,27.560386473429947,7.793537801064563,1.4585748792270534,441,17,96,6,9,143,68,115,0.185,0.748,0.067,-0.9191,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,4,1,6,0,9,0,0,3,1,26,20,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,2,8,1,19,12,2,10,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,1,5,60,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524155159979006,0.1112763256261958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990611979199665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544985909269134,0.1881934913752968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235451298637673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30096205501854045,0.0,0.0,0.3865726897116297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431607337226424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535308690379588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037705006014708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694151739046485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31178090880624376,0.17363989396309928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546288495294826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518562461160814,0.0,0.0,0.30933564689168475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449185005674247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766840430858253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519292658903773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296730850281445,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bahaia,2019/10/22,"I am tired of loving and stop loving and re loving and loving someone else and again... I hate that I constantly need to love someone with genuine love.
I am in a relationship, I have been for two years.
At first I was so in love and so glad, I thought that this relationship wouldn't be ""like the others"" that THIS time I won't fell in love with other people, and grow tired but here we are two years after and me keeping falling in love with new people that pays even a few attention to me, feeling like I don't like my SO anymore, then growing tired of the new person, then loving my SO again
This keeps happening no matter what I'm doing. I told him about this but... He doesn't understand.
I know he never will because I am broken and unable to think like others...
I hope none of you have to get thought this, because I'm tired of hurt, and to be hurt",3.7865809523809553,4.547386891428573,4.66207142857143,87.61234523809523,71.51428571428572,7.204761904761906,24.869047619047624,7.1686216300943375,0.9074476190476192,666,18,142,6,12,216,91,175,0.205,0.588,0.207,0.136,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,0,1,9,19,1,0,4,0,16,14,0,0,1,30,42,17,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,3,4,0,0,1,13,13,0,3,7,0,1,4,7,3,0,3,5,1,20,16,20,32,2,23,0,2,0,10,19,5,0,1,18,101,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091445224053039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947190224550824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816881971252506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681572142349031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053888823529575115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04125389466961017,0.0582872611919412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939963707600902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262693132354101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214896158924025,0.0,0.0,0.08055233354278807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103637443871968,0.0,0.0,0.17468561360544496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504026146435914,0.0,0.0,0.04483922935081161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944122984675702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7363733790440192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049727537890871,0.06292653492942532,0.15759850035066095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312720200988967,0.07124044512012666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519229456619995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826033999372572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821213137993007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227899354634039,0.0,0.12954524550381954,0.047575253679694375,0.3750986203839334,0.0,0.07796187057262675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940136839102514,0.08493711861736156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508139609898587
bpd,fladermaus210,2019/10/22,"DAE Have Difficulty With Melodramatic/Histrionic Urges? Apologies if anyone finds 'histrionic' problematic, haven't found a good substitute. I have incredible difficulty trying to keep myself from constantly expressing my negative emotions to anyone--roommates, friends, coworkers, people on the street or on the train. I want EVERYBODY just to know how miserable I am and how much I am straight-up not having a good time with life. I fantasize about wearing shirts that say ""Suicide"" or ""I Hate Life"" or ""Wish I Wasn't Born"" or even painting similar things on my nails. I want to shove it all down everyone's throats because I crave that kind of attention. It's so bad that I fantasize about walking into a public area, complaining about how much I loathe existence with a gun to my head just to get people's rapt attention. I have always been a sensitive person growing up, a heart-on-my-sleeve type, and all my negative fears and traumas churn inside me, building up pressure, and I just want to let them out. I'm not happy, and even though I know that a lot of people struggle as well beneath their face facades, I don't understand how they keep going on. This is why I love my self-harm scars--they're physical proof to others that I'm not fucking around, I SERIOUSLY DESPISE LIFE.",6.9331497175141275,7.905966241525422,6.996000000000002,72.92753107344635,64.5508474576271,10.869604519774013,36.07231638418079,10.793553405168565,4.1687065536723145,1027,48,176,27,15,329,142,236,0.22699999999999998,0.691,0.08199999999999999,-0.9888,0,0,0,1,0,1,38.0,0,0,3,0,16,18,3,4,9,0,12,10,5,4,3,43,29,17,1,5,11,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,10,11,0,2,7,0,0,3,8,11,1,0,3,1,27,7,29,25,5,19,0,1,0,2,11,13,1,6,3,119,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321339134916553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513679606246107,0.0,0.0,0.12112285815349998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360499055768088,0.08294133205067865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470332664242013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304995983807151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973360136032762,0.0,0.0,0.1300118173772686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531061002286097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435700315841562,0.0,0.0,0.1491835207082857,0.10512014942164713,0.1257859128685474,0.07108609336697268,0.0,0.07732642405850962,0.22824249814436265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483913156818476,0.0,0.1343317598841053,0.13963751858179366,0.0,0.0,0.16123256944488615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187398079794695,0.0,0.1416862681416134,0.14955079078726025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913127106096024,0.28831106149688457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156739306856834,0.1228000823666327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000405208783527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829820466097547,0.1188029439622663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820091954172076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194097048834875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224017220932167,0.0,0.14882830825939805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903926747873777,0.0,0.1336789343613149,0.0,0.0793380808804425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237627535429004,0.0,0.0,0.14164397381851773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24075635557351455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233489802915608,0.0,0.12277360731663375,0.0,0.15646307548636726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,foxtyburn,2019/10/22,"I’m questioning whether I have bpd or not I need to reschedule with my therapist to bring it up. I’m manipulative and can’t tell the truth because it’s terrifies me, I tell them my medication is working and I’m taking it when that’s a lie. My childhood was fucked because of my actions and how I chose to express my emotions. I hate who I was and how much hurt I caused as a child. I have a grandmother on one side with BPD and a biological parent of the opposite side with BPD also.

I give up on people easily when I feel like the relationship isn’t perfect and they could screw me over (because I was screwed over *one* time and I’m terrified for it to happen again) so I become the one to walk away

I recently tried getting into a relationship and throughout it all I had one foot out the door. I hate myself because I realize how I fucked up the other person by feeding into their delusions and making them think I felt the same way. I wanted to but it didn’t happen and I didn’t want to waste anymore of our time. If I had done it sooner then it wouldn’t have ended up the way it did.

I have very few friends, closed off to people in general. Not a strong relationship with parents. Relationship with siblings was messed up until I took control to change it. It’s like I’m aware of what’s wrong and how this behavior is not normal but there is very little I can do to work through it. I’m scared.

Manipulation is like second nature to me- I think that’s my biggest concern- I don’t think I do it well but it’s just out of habit and I always questions why in the hell I feel the need to. It never feels good to do it, it just happens. That’s what I mean by being aware.",2.013358905628987,3.810077489971349,3.880301321748778,87.29459746741844,77.82521489971347,6.68087623625104,24.152047324151955,7.601502580125103,1.090901395692763,1320,45,282,19,31,446,165,349,0.153,0.7809999999999999,0.066,-0.9829,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,4,5,13,20,7,1,16,0,28,7,1,9,4,66,59,29,0,8,11,2,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,2,25,22,1,1,11,0,0,4,10,11,1,5,12,4,45,9,46,44,4,39,1,1,0,4,21,22,5,4,14,205,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087123752770709,0.07374086987790635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788952821243859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326358719277832,0.0,0.0,0.21609337557555286,0.09787639007224257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33485013014956894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103953509252326,0.09375066397993544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939746792832868,0.0707577114978714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069140268207196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968818210233052,0.07849307128992397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443032384348896,0.06331180333182608,0.0850913253262835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846938482869577,0.16385981415760473,0.04630150460678052,0.08501460498767523,0.0,0.07433219761239747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23510527549191185,0.0,0.0,0.17499238752654825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948720268144663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988916764077635,0.08882284686222036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591560869656477,0.0,0.0,0.09653568733309427,0.0,0.08927766416400645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514760243735046,0.13142465515021848,0.0683509968101896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868310575964009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402111112031456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968091979032632,0.0,0.0,0.12287911661425174,0.07738159176607204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985545618196541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750384982253266,0.38058882411034056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872640291178006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666329556837863,0.0,0.15491962826289152,0.0,0.0,0.1028973444361758,0.0,0.17035681331254576,0.0,0.0,0.10335277530065162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846265869435147,0.060168738163646214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624539105987236,0.10454348127935396,0.14068854565363742,0.0,0.0,0.07968210906493116,0.0,0.07996785975304847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903620933421311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689459508609016,0.0,0.0
bpd,_sileighty_,2019/10/22,"Am i freaking out? For someone who’s supposed to be your boyfriend for years. Is it normal that when you are together, they have their phone in their hand almost 24/7.  But while we are away and he is at work, i can barely get a text back.?? Hes online on fb??? I don’t understand. I show marks of love and affection, try to start up a conversation... and all i get back is “lmfao” 
I feel like ripping all of my hair off",1.2233620689655176,2.97039574712644,2.8926293103448266,93.69342672413794,80.0344827586207,6.189080459770117,21.219827586206893,7.1686216300943375,0.3932999999999995,318,9,74,4,8,105,68,87,0.031,0.773,0.196,0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,3,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,11,3,2,1,2,13,17,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,14,2,13,16,2,13,0,0,0,1,12,7,0,1,7,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29113695604829976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731624683841541,0.4471265941900941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700831549870091,0.20770674263567776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038022673465943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204226539415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624067640117689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848662521652291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634546441657645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578927824695967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739530316280895,0.0,0.0,0.3026735495218557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166424989028831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722885626291405
bpd,Daisyloux,2019/10/22,"My DBT ended today abruptly. I thought I had more sessions. I'm not ready. Really struggling.
Was feeling the DBT was starting to become very beneficial to me and having a one to one therapist was really helping also. 

Now after only 5 sessions my therapist said he thinks I've made progress and I'm ready now to cope alone as I have all the resources and strategies.

I don't feel ready in the slightest. I cried for an hour after therapy because I didn't even realise it was the final session. I have made goals with my therapist to go back to work through phased return. How on earth am I meant to cope with that?! No more therapy, counselling or medication. I feel I'm sinking straight back to where I was and it was such a dark hole to get out of. I feel hopeless.",2.4456798245614024,4.760119401315794,3.7330526315789454,86.34703508771929,78.67105263157895,6.421754385964912,27.896491228070172,7.554174236665415,1.7518591228070175,607,27,117,9,15,198,93,152,0.109,0.7929999999999999,0.098,-0.1836,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,1,7,0,13,1,0,3,1,20,29,8,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,13,5,15,0,20,16,3,19,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,13,79,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509638974023255,0.0,0.11656460256340676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416162251200308,0.0,0.0888542352273083,0.16098099746955327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011104202871776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291005205788052,0.0,0.0,0.09627342181919503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29480351160624674,0.0,0.0,0.15967348025996128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615383434594489,0.0,0.08283903938730132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977001767162496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354471081043876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27584417954121515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683834802515267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754214604875733,0.11085741265888596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675579078618712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865159454375448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103170017410775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238050086460475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333796222595237,0.5077174525565613,0.0,0.0933974295283615,0.0,0.11571753889019007,0.0,0.0,0.13816389096675818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026766062155672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611536486470136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tesdboysfan,2019/10/22,"The same fight over and over for the rest of my life My girlfriend and I had our first ""fight"" last night. It felt just like so many other fights I have had with partners in the past. I thought this relationship was going to be different. 

I called her yesterday while she was driving. Long story short - she was annoyed when she answered the phone (due to Bluetooth issues), I asked what was wrong, she denied that there was anything wrong. I was confused by that because I know I heard something negative in her voice, and she is typically a very chipper person. I attempted to have a conversation with her about our plans for the evening but everything she said to me was defensive/aggressive/sounded irritated.  I decided we might be just having difficulty with communication on the phone and I told her we should get off the phone and wait to talk in person that evening. 

When we met up about an hour later and tried to talk it over this is where it all went bad for me. I KNOW I heard something in her voice while we were on the phone. All she would admit to was the initial frustration with the phone connection. She denied that there was anything else at all.  

This is so triggering for me.  We started doing the stupid fight where we rehash the previous conversation trying to pick it apart and identify where it all went wrong. ""You said 'this' and then I said 'that'"",   ""No, no! first you said 'that and that', THEN you said 'this'"".  That stupid fight that never fixes anything but just makes me feel even more crazy.

But she would never admit that there was anything wrong. She claims that she was just normal. But I know that isn't true. I also know that whatever she was irritated about was likely not a big deal. Probably just tension related to worrying that I was about to get upset. OR maybe just her being tired, compounded with the rest of the struggles in her life. But the fact that she won't admit anything was there is making me crazy.  I just can't let it go. 

But I have to let it go.  If I don't we will never get past this. Which means that this is what this relationship is going to be. A never ending cycle of me registering a tone in her voice, a change in body language, a slight shift in behaviors. Then I have to decide if I am going to address it or not. I could write a detailed flowchart for how all this will progress.  

If I address it she will deny what I am experiencing, probably thinking that if she denies it we won't have to address it. I will feel frustrated, invalidated, not seen, disrespected. I will get angry and sad and defensive. We will have a fight that lasts across days until she says some magical phrase that fixes it all for me. The damage to the relationship will be irreparable.   If I don't address it that will eat me up inside. I will continue to look for proof that something is wrong. I will finally explode in frustration, making her feel like she always has to tip toe around me.  

Walking on eggshells. I hate realizing that that is what they think about us.  I don't think I am that fragile *All I need* is for her to give me a basic acknowledgement that what I experienced was real. I don't even need an apology, or a change in her behavior. Just admit that there was something there. Last night she actually said to me, with compassion and sincerity, ""I am sorry that what happened made you feel that way"".  And that made me even more upset. 

What is the alternative to doing this the same way I have done it all my life?  How can I pilot this ship in a different path? When I KNOW I am picking up on something real, and she denies it, what can I do to keep from going out of my mind?",3.7013734409391033,5.5513560170212815,4.515623624358035,84.33750000000002,73.22695035460994,7.755685986793837,25.346661775495228,8.486030686438863,1.6427916360968453,2852,93,566,51,58,918,256,705,0.18899999999999997,0.775,0.036000000000000004,-0.9990000000000001,2,0,5,0,6,0,83.0,12,4,1,5,36,32,14,5,33,0,80,7,2,10,15,124,137,42,0,12,25,0,6,3,2,16,4,12,4,3,65,31,1,3,24,0,0,10,18,27,0,2,38,22,105,5,74,75,15,76,0,2,2,0,90,32,0,11,35,447,170,0,0.0,0.0,0.0597896083121383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04899671724104468,0.05098063299803282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520954214982094,0.054542310813321324,0.05727815086127035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115697234529317,0.03734895279837222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805593588033257,0.0,0.0,0.06256239723355676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296287445916059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891823120104597,0.0,0.0,0.03951337188818064,0.06316554565207676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280259202812662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269935686772768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269338055764923,0.051182304145448033,0.0,0.05426605987894613,0.0,0.0,0.20233765323984199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055064536731217216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391758717644227,0.0437705144439923,0.05882775230286773,0.06711708521405695,0.0,0.10423059018128177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804188600016675,0.058774711818906124,0.2089231670740614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417988597819914,0.0,0.0,0.06049035426834176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060337524877681376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639488135012384,0.0,0.05445861350802235,0.0,0.0,0.16835892576031153,0.14982699299683194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253032028098665,0.12982810814415446,0.08979866927089722,0.0,0.0,0.054221048532043535,0.0514504450824636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594822931101212,0.12269239964983,0.06211704812533288,0.0615528452087849,0.0667397937573808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499662071821892,0.06186412325912951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086022611612486,0.18901741133238287,0.0,0.0,0.1149934244718228,0.06003051343824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697619565302465,0.0,0.10699528055911027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321164738808137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394748434719751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733960825164545,0.0,0.0,0.3496845263561852,0.04872348848020621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358389629638257,0.0,0.06858551745691024,0.04336644281079819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640515572456956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849124208488677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777591168345285,0.0,0.04864066284400608,0.0,0.07041958759809824,0.0,0.05854505962705313,0.0,0.08319512268717136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369894292984393,0.0,0.0,0.05055325914666865,0.0,0.0972648020679779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359376836239105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622215420727245,0.0,0.08704733742206419,0.3349396203052498,0.0,0.0
bpd,63I4715,2019/10/22,"Plz no judgement? Has anyone ever split on an animal? I am in no shape proud of this nor am I physically abusive. I have come here to try and find some answers. 

Background: this is my husband's dog from his first marriage and i absolutely loathe it.",1.4933333333333323,4.095667755102042,3.2480612244897955,86.32134353741499,85.73469387755101,5.715646258503401,24.493197278911573,7.1686216300943375,1.2567931972789121,196,8,38,3,6,65,42,49,0.153,0.703,0.14400000000000002,-0.1243,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,6,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,5,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.50646810998297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988887368085461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682174197106594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866604460001141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906890827279108,0.3635957563208623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902160824671348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zachxcarr,2019/10/22,"DAE not be able to stop yourself from going into “interrogation mode”? Like you can’t stop asking probing questions over and over to find inconsistencies or flaws in someone’s logic or explanation of something. I can’t stop sometimes and it really puts a strain on my relationship with my SO, I have been trying really hard to stop but it’s like I have this burning need to know everything all the time about any trivial event in my life or her’s.",6.941046511627902,7.160705430232564,7.445906976744188,72.3142093023256,64.46511627906978,10.135813953488373,32.31627906976744,9.888512548439397,3.0268865116279065,361,13,66,7,5,119,63,86,0.122,0.818,0.06,-0.035,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,19,10,7,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,8,2,14,8,1,14,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,4,8,42,11,0,0.1933709996698932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314989107496519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077578152516904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378938586926296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767375904872495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989719534883642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732224337690902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627164433004607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658365572670278,0.18894260578447025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433821460601858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439126409673144,0.21661977466253607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477568278719347,0.0,0.0,0.207608086569031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384262050768844,0.14886644279816902,0.19124886315718287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6466672572169078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127561849559014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128621557007228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,narupirate,2019/10/22,FP who rejected me asked me how I am and I managed to say ‘fine’ instead of ‘I’m drinking everyday even at work and cutting myself again because you triggered me’ life of a quiet bpd,6.023513513513514,5.324713108108114,7.252027027027029,76.01966216216219,66.56756756756758,9.562162162162162,40.12162162162162,8.841846274778883,3.6822540540540536,143,8,27,2,2,49,31,37,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.5859,0,1,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,4,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,20,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852359124153631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25119801691726856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189959413550049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40367810252588504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27217264974431865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910618269271675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276997818276877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999966084933786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LadyIntr0vert,2019/10/22,"Inappropriate and selfish jealousy during other people’s horrible situations My best friend’s adult sonmay have cancer (he’s getting the results soon) and he may have to cancel plans with me this weekend to go be with him.

I hate to even admit I’m worrying about this but I’m going through my own horrible situation and he’s the only friend I have to hang out with on weekends. I know this is just one weekend so far, but now I’m very scared that now I’m going to have no one to hang out with on weekends anymore to be there for me during my issues for the foreseeable future. I’m very upset already and getting tons of abandonment fears. 

I also feel resentful that I’m not a closer part of his life like part of his family (I’m in love with him) to where I could be included in helping them with all of this. Instead now I’m even more of an outsider while his family goes through this together. I am spiraling severely and even thinking my life doesn’t matter to anyone and I’m not part of his family and I’m worthless etc.

I realize all of this is incredibly selfish to be thinking during someone else’s horrible time, so how can I gain some perspective to get over this and stop fearing all these abandonment concerns?",4.334444444444447,5.74472188888889,5.699691358024694,78.24361111111115,70.85185185185185,8.85679012345679,30.37242798353909,9.2995712137729,2.793640329218107,981,41,182,21,18,330,125,243,0.249,0.659,0.092,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,3,16,16,2,4,5,0,15,4,0,2,3,39,38,15,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,11,16,0,3,6,4,0,5,4,11,0,2,0,1,21,5,36,32,12,27,0,3,0,1,16,10,0,2,13,131,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603355042399112,0.09858045289374433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225254980784628,0.08619454284635987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936619997509344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842254049053482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297781171708667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374806967772917,0.24425968044812302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34862918421161604,0.2774302028739685,0.062329950623306624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904790490819378,0.0,0.19321335931295486,0.0,0.21017469730506025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170542957275532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262652174572174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286637830439936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774698422551673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741411046815658,0.060224398588653034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125765633454768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670643900020649,0.09375379580260704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004741982669779,0.0,0.08546117853720557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341662552818553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926210112995047,0.0,0.0,0.27712544572455977,0.0,0.0,0.10444783739799014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306078528758997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797524633619536,0.0,0.0,0.07188080632132614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342437055185705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125188546144843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GothicalMaggot,2019/10/22,Abilify+Lamical experiences? I just got put on abilify and lamictal and was wondering if anyone else has been on this mix and what your experience was.,7.533076923076923,9.965617692307696,8.995384615384618,53.72461538461542,64.38461538461539,14.430769230769231,36.07692307692308,13.023866798666859,6.367446153846152,124,6,19,6,2,43,22,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345075590734719,0.3436394695027617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801694221819453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6561377667761745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26823638566598634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371525015805942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637085065052335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamaquietmess,2019/10/22,What does disassociation does to you? I’m curious. I think i might have experience it a couple of times but I’m not sure if it’s disassociation or not. Would love to here from your own experience.,1.4307692307692292,4.076124384615383,5.000717948717952,73.1026153846154,87.20512820512822,8.248205128205129,20.620512820512825,8.841846274778883,1.8058266666666665,157,5,33,5,5,58,29,39,0.18100000000000002,0.7759999999999999,0.043,-0.7465,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,7,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31680475442894285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011165679260019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601467094046236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584126297716371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037375123259992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698507586646846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834606272929468,0.0,0.0,0.1669539769536897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339166429746766,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sparklewormlogic,2019/10/22,"Are your depressive episodes atypical (like an agitated depression/ depression with anxious distress)? Psychiatrists always get confused because I don’t seem typically depressed, yet I max out on the anxiety and depression scales. I’m exhausted but I also have this horrific anxious energy/ anger inside of me. Anyone else?",8.420588235294119,12.196522823529413,8.748784313725494,50.505529411764705,65.86274509803921,13.491764705882357,47.45490196078431,11.979248473330829,8.355930196078432,268,19,29,12,5,88,46,51,0.486,0.514,0.0,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,10,1,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,6,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471952052082938,0.15315525525673274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080777787395268,0.4158778531004704,0.0,0.12870120850205718,0.1885944111513901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220316545749998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7926664488880607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376111270188228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616537977601078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992393977290603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756414542404058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiramissyousobad,2019/10/22,"I fucked up with music-ashamed So I was being pressed to put music for the third day and I was so drunk and high and so so very tired I was falling asleep I didn't really think and put  Deftones with a group of pop and jazz lovers. The result was the song lasting centuries with everyone quiet. even I hated that song I realised since it started sounding that I dodn't wanted that specific song. When it was over everyone was relieved but no one ever asked me for another song.  It's okay but I am so fucking ashamed so fucking ashamed I hate myself like why couldn't you think of something more adoc for these people? You like that music too so was it thay hard?. 
DAE get extremely anxious when it comes to put music or show something personal?",2.2628424657534256,4.838614924657538,2.9208047945205493,90.37449486301372,81.26027397260275,5.56780821917808,24.87842465753425,6.9077264865688965,1.0683712328767123,593,23,114,7,16,185,87,146,0.205,0.715,0.079,-0.97,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,12,12,5,2,4,1,11,7,1,1,1,18,23,17,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,6,0,1,10,9,1,0,2,7,0,5,3,7,0,2,8,8,14,5,12,13,1,14,0,0,0,4,6,3,3,1,8,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575685694712645,0.0,0.1697594962224345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047982222310762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294421404451321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691010227846668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925026254782064,0.13592555125461733,0.0,0.28717406008337937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167596303373108,0.07850856352704498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346101590358652,0.2967160806015232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876585761662038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224880635049126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468262144798285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182514285417256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417655986328801,0.13120777963014338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531810067417458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626520444378404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430282381729416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313665164972507,0.0,0.0,0.10636010564071444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257068517602552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271037905475414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398641979422995,0.08863166122852797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559304067679556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Titus-Faux-Gina,2019/10/22,"Stress cos of NYE Does anyone else have anxiety due to NYE. Like, worrying about how everyone will be celebrating and you’ll be drunk with no one to kiss when the ball drops. This time of the year always makes me remember my ex’s who i kissed on NYE. Thinking about it is stressing me out. Help",2.087175141242941,4.41074859322034,3.0450000000000017,90.74569209039551,80.01694915254237,7.3231638418079115,21.69774011299436,8.344100000000001,1.176590960451978,233,7,50,5,6,74,51,59,0.191,0.614,0.195,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,6,3,0,3,0,8,8,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,3,9,4,0,7,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112513429268769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942201207562824,0.0,0.0,0.1775211897678344,0.2601335654950261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217509100664865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208701910851066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259648695272745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017270423747966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124034614460067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946915373365276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720379753847522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287600422305922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.581645197755526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267824364157213,0.0,0.0,0.14804146339494131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25783093596251383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634925980512111
bpd,ae430,2019/10/22,"Why are you choosing life today? DAE feel like everyday, sometimes every moment, you have to choose to stay in this world?

Like everyday you’re choosing whether to live or die that day?",3.3223529411764723,6.312985058823532,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,80.76470588235293,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.4726705882352946,148,6,26,2,4,44,27,34,0.099,0.7609999999999999,0.14,0.163,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,2,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462406343603765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34538676932011914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803925990787309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827022612915032,0.2377475072297089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350616579197973,0.3251718657776508,0.0,0.2938624662704179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32914095474906,0.0,0.0,0.35471323980880576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154490127907559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30029407336791275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zavacka,2019/10/22,"Problems with a therapist I don’t really know what to make of it... 
Guess I should start with some info: I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD, I have just been doing some reading and since I have been feeling really horrible I finally decided to tell my mother. She was amazing and understanding. She reacted almost too good perhaps. She found some psyhotherapist that her friend recommended and I went for a visit. After the first appointment I felt even angrier then before and cried on my way home. On the second I had a very good mood and really opened up. However I can’t quite relate to what the therapist is saying to me. She frequently uses abstract comparisons, something like „now, you are but a lone tide in a sea”. And I guess she is right and all but to be honest it pisses me off.  Also, she frequently uses bible quotations and since I’m not a believing person it really creates a distance between me and her.  I know I can’t expect her to tell me exactly what I should do to get better but I feel like those visits are pointless.
Sorry if this post seems a bit frantic, but I don’t really know what to do, should I change the therapist? It seems like an escape and I done that enough times. I know that no doctor will magically make me better, or give me a pill that will make me normal, but I need some advice.",4.0608139534883705,5.675703724806201,5.494488372093028,78.6461511627907,71.82945736434108,9.191007751937986,25.69069767441861,9.642632912329526,2.419321860465117,1043,33,195,26,20,351,140,258,0.085,0.774,0.141,0.9226,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,4,4,15,1,1,14,0,26,4,1,6,2,58,50,19,0,8,9,1,3,3,1,5,3,1,1,1,14,14,0,0,13,1,0,3,7,4,0,2,9,4,39,10,20,35,7,20,0,1,0,0,19,7,1,11,11,145,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159665130586934,0.0,0.0,0.10410926687712596,0.0,0.0,0.08314343799573733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846939338991834,0.11713670778715422,0.0,0.18390308252741025,0.11350649160743505,0.0,0.13094447529140898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099847101530802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420433135442006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552566904517563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064159939037174,0.0,0.10639570125603323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742708003483599,0.0,0.06867010311563115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513902569532872,0.0742749975638573,0.09982590368166043,0.11389222640154538,0.0,0.08843541057416905,0.0,0.11399591031009207,0.08032567584113871,0.0,0.05431916263460443,0.09973589830093604,0.0,0.17440740923585826,0.0,0.0,0.22906567964477426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428871463019362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855310630084896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238102695521274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081990079590149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709120122476627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186689135417197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078113775702852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957292310313744,0.0,0.0,0.09948365304214596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058311940618107,0.10399646788013588,0.0,0.3330238805371866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878838794384593,0.0,0.08267979104519438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929773039356354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200735816663398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003990184769268,0.0,0.11638403630248174,0.07358932091709275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174581051675226,0.0,0.0,0.3621457424266314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062477081437746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823470084845624,0.0,0.17959051584108826,0.0,0.08578476281718067,0.0,0.08252522306874206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637968590912926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prionsanoinin,2019/10/22,"DAE have a high frequency of other people with BPD in their life, looking back? I've recently been coming to terms with the fact that I have BPD (in the process of getting diagnosed), and Ive beenooking back on my life. I'm starting to realise that I have had a LOT of other people with BPD in my life, often as close friends or partners. 

For example, my first relationship (14-16) was with someone with severe BPD, which her mother also had. My best friend (17-23) has BPD, but has done a lot of therapy so it's not as noticeable. In college, I dated another girl with less noticeable/treated BPD, then the next year dated a different girl with severe BPD. I joined a new group of friends two years ago, one of whom was very open about having BPD. I started dating one of the group and later found out they, too, had undiagnosed BPD. Now, my current partner has Emotional Instability issues (not enough to be diagnosed BPD but very similar), and someone I've just started dating (we are polyam) is very open about having BPD.

Can anyone else relate to this? Are we, as people with BPD, drawn to other people with BPD, or is it just me? It feels like a high frequency for only 23 years, but also I know that BPD is far more common than people think...

 In all of the people mentioned, it was how intense they were that drew me to them - and in the case of partners, it was the reciprocated intensity that made me stay. I wonder are we drawn to eachother because of this intensity and mutual self destruction? Or because we feel understood?

Tldr; many of my important/close relationships have been with people who also have BPD. Can anyone else relate?",6.706361377351789,6.768513738019173,7.176331203407884,74.58336084487047,64.97444089456869,10.022648207312743,32.085374511892084,9.725611199111238,2.9671506567270147,1292,46,235,24,18,424,155,313,0.033,0.907,0.06,0.7359,2,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,4,0,4,2,14,6,1,0,13,0,31,5,0,2,2,48,46,20,0,0,10,1,2,1,6,0,5,0,0,6,18,24,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,14,3,26,5,44,31,8,39,0,0,1,0,26,14,0,7,24,168,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040616250121295695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992558846445193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048045773902288515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407616362527913,0.09389504953682294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046478297267085,0.0,0.05586232229524181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048084771514828775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8656214398612546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03946946928644463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301172004691173,0.0,0.04787165827316533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688928897093518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655267834204765,0.051540805846499615,0.0,0.047343824417638965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046335463742914085,0.032733482490108816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03897407012428869,0.0,0.050238751349285495,0.10620016923157156,0.0,0.0239388141002432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682170148586876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782368664376828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025181216252234802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970910705218802,0.02238510867839431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038476866552942336,0.0,0.0,0.0779082543932719,0.0,0.04335554861672492,0.0,0.04645381332562589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044252789084632926,0.04872959160814705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216584035249478,0.0,0.0,0.06209700078583245,0.034847818446272764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235845768821236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524125969008897,0.09838605879422528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779976426876464,0.10352605726685772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764548077422517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729390077573594,0.04883752414309393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052398627532173656,0.0,0.0,0.029359305701710425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475902448002149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341773639966007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049689327428958686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851882818568373
bpd,pkapersonalyty,2019/10/22,"god why why is my pain reduced to a ramona flowers type
picked apart and critisised
i see their apprehension to approach me like i'm some monster ready to explode

omg. no one's ever loved the real me. i'm going to die alone. 

drunken breakdowns, what else is new. 

who would love me?",0.8258928571428577,3.386848375000003,2.100714285714286,92.46928571428577,92.03571428571428,3.5142857142857147,23.07142857142857,5.148860815047168,0.21450714285714328,223,9,43,1,8,71,46,56,0.205,0.58,0.215,0.1779,1,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,6,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,6,3,4,8,1,5,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,1,3,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613690977756386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619100835721231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108145959430876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827428235793196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342213839085746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329046464167308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555299335779305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437310895524189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100582779678486,0.0,0.2685290849996469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28724119851279545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109843578283929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554317237271303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792694718706419,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spellbindingscratch,2019/10/22,"Advice please Opinion me

Bit of context: I have Mental and chronic physical illness 

I told my boyfriend days into seeing him ‘I can’t date people with BPD’  now, with all that said in the context, I say the same about ANY untreated mental illness. Agree or disagree that’s not the bit I’m after. 

After me placing my boundaries down, explaining my own ailments and making it clear that people with BPD trigger the fuck out of me and I don’t have the energy to give because I’m really sick. He lied to me, armed with this new information he figured out what to lie about and by Christ, lie he did. 

So now I’m 2 years on, in a relationship with a man who has severe BPD made worse by the drug use he told me nothing about. So yes, he’s admitted he’s certain he has the condition breaking down in tears but also goes full circle and all of a sudden ‘what the fuck are you talking about I don’t have BPD’ 

He’s a 10/10 BPD full on losing his mind about nearly everything. There are many things that make people with BPD hard work to date (when they have received NO treatment) but I really can’t wrap my head around the splitting. He will literally get into a super intense argument with me and make me sob and flashback and he doesn’t care! As long as he gets his way and then a few days later we will argue again and his opinion has gone from black to white??? He will change his opinion entirely. 

Or he’ll get really REALLY upset if someone mentions to him that he misspoke whether it be me, a stranger or his best mate he loses his marbles. The last time I pointed out that he misspoke and the only time, I’m too scared to ever let him know again lol (by one word and it REALLY did not matter)  he told me I was gaslighting him and being manipulative I nearly choked on my drink when he said it. He decided he was sleeping on the floor and that I was toxic and blah blah blah *the sound of splitting* he made me apologise to him and explained to me exactly WHY I should just agree with him and he should have it his way. 


Unfortunately it’s not the first time, if we argue I’ve noticed a pattern of him saying whatever he can in desperate attempts to control and manipulate but because I’m the woman I get the blame ??? Even though, all things considered I am pretty stable in my own view of myself and I am a person who is very upfront but I feel like I’m having to appease him all the time to stop him from splitting at me. He only wants me when I can’t cater to him and it does my head it and then when I am able to he deliberately causes a fight right before we go out so he can play video games instead?? 

This is the part where you all tell me to dump him right? I can’t. I love him and despite the lies I don’t think he’s a bad person. There’s a difference between being manipulated by a narcissist and someone with BPD treating you like that. The narcissist does these things to you because they enjoy it, other people’s misery is the soul juice they feed off. A person with BPD does it really out of self hatred 🤷‍♀️ they do it because they think you’ll abandon them anyway and they don’t think they are worth loving.  My boyfriend has a kind heart and he’s funny and has many other lovely qualities and I love him but I don’t love his condition, not one bit. It’s basically the way people view over dramatised DID :’) you’re dealing with 2 different people the angry splitting hurting version and then who he really is.  

With all that being said though I have still been lied to and I have concerns and feel stuck. I think it’s quite common of someone dating a person with bpd to feel this way, the only way I can describe it is that I have all these bright red trip wires around me and if I move I’m going to tread on a wire and he’s going to go mad. 

I need advice on how to sit him down and say to him ‘this is too much’ with him going ‘okay then FINE that’s it we’ll break up’ and doing THAT thing (I’m sure some of you can relate) I don’t know how to live with all this though because if I even suggest that seeing a therapist could help him he makes up an excuse (time, money, other priorities etc) and if I say ‘I’ll pay for it, You do have time really if you weren’t always at the pub or computer’ I’m basically THE DEVIL. 

Is there a way for me to improve the relationship without him losing his mind? Even if he just cut down on the weed, it would help but it’s such a sensitive topic. 

I accidentally broke a switch controller when he was at work, offered to pay for it etc and that was fine and he told me not to worry etc but if I say ‘hey ripping cones from 7am to 12pm is maybe not the best for you’ I’m every evil word under the sun.",2.728829288246524,4.1027638953367855,4.231196482137989,87.34240421325335,74.81347150259067,6.944232342514317,23.578197436596675,7.524965506658679,0.9286321243523308,3649,105,777,45,76,1216,362,965,0.147,0.726,0.128,-0.9353,2,0,2,0,1,0,68.0,4,9,8,13,41,41,9,2,52,3,71,19,5,16,13,155,132,77,0,14,29,0,4,5,1,9,5,9,0,7,52,64,2,4,15,5,4,9,20,20,0,3,21,21,108,21,108,96,26,98,3,7,8,7,132,43,3,16,39,516,160,5,0.044562902156703096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709270447176475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03563693675458236,0.03707990445403835,0.0,0.0,0.030304301593586564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934086160673824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720816190718048,0.135825657684112,0.0,0.03791974752252159,0.0,0.0935320330017598,0.0,0.14595344239395347,0.0,0.505128737412211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543484871049977,0.04577837593128591,0.04714164165183237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999621680584496,0.03557985125577657,0.0,0.0,0.057478770588319635,0.04594239537309356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311749604703536,0.0,0.0,0.11699188794428746,0.0,0.0,0.04365467883953144,0.051678818716697626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909824672774952,0.08830012977528769,0.04030969627503445,0.037546167049232436,0.0,0.04005026302592606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675970268874665,0.03183574620483757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037905181809522535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239536993366657,0.09312910844367617,0.04274879636435217,0.12663062124068786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03991960728638567,0.0,0.09146878802072167,0.0,0.0,0.052807253617701534,0.05973914793995159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047705508430615405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046405405072065316,0.04898121120950205,0.036324712989033656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556858668422304,0.0,0.04354236606926324,0.0,0.03934985903458348,0.039436766095931566,0.0,0.1495634662933058,0.0,0.0,0.2010987952414316,0.08433299101313939,0.11898433290482245,0.09035957672566057,0.044769424877561366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981784813502082,0.0,0.08999165544570185,0.0,0.0,0.04736331258380957,0.032758860558415974,0.03304282729471241,0.0,0.04303912859196354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275930648747405,0.05073515946633327,0.0,0.0,0.06039395159670924,0.10167628551435336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048257280412595915,0.0,0.18536583217680055,0.1556424291678734,0.04655874802351768,0.048916684579697625,0.04212634654099203,0.0,0.0,0.04533649214588148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739813179970435,0.0,0.0,0.22838508975927155,0.0,0.0,0.09568775943145214,0.0,0.07611294990852756,0.1271685742588105,0.17719104209467132,0.04461523911999618,0.0,0.07102172688100097,0.0,0.046488825757274185,0.05034339511127596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459508495169414,0.0,0.11327400715587335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355879912265905,0.03725658159767392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042000007902408334,0.0,0.0,0.035817972740825765,0.03894994067437934,0.0,0.0,0.051740964089315965,0.11842244824637987,0.11421643332356438,0.13134847533224495,0.0,0.1559099196776385,0.0,0.0,0.17032705084778954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038488039519605916,0.0,0.03676906128393983,0.026284354277006074,0.21223174499779587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040211087880391086,0.0,0.0,0.042957047448189914,0.0,0.06488464702336598,0.045255790274879054,0.04541340441292082,0.031656207119997164,0.0,0.0,0.028697047936778425
bpd,matilde97,2019/10/22,"Why do I hate myself so much? Every time I look in the mirror I feel disconnected and disgust, every time I see myself in videos I feel nauseous, everytime I do or try something romantic that leads me to intemate stuff I feel ashemed. Why is that so? Why do I hate myself so much?",2.5894642857142856,4.551891874999999,4.581571428571428,82.16342857142858,76.67857142857143,7.337142857142857,25.485714285714288,8.238735603445708,1.7217471428571427,219,8,43,4,5,75,33,56,0.20199999999999999,0.752,0.046,-0.879,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,11,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,12,0,3,11,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,30,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469180067020264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122905434798912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40651890319876177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728835841432459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026843883119523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405613314526254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849303201347584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23567821295665034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400953404409941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977596277682725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573118996338591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IntricateRectangle,2019/10/22,What is the most supportive thing somebody said to you living with BPD? What is the most supportive thing somebody said to you living with BPD?,6.083846153846152,8.156432769230769,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,67.46153846153847,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.2670615384615385,116,4,20,2,2,34,13,26,0.0,0.818,0.182,0.6537,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5632542337655952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949008589685407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254058374514369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074966219722179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971111439849913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ciestra,2019/10/22,"Making a BPD relationship work... So I'm with a new boyfriend, and it's at that point that he wants to be with me, but doesn't know if he can. Been here, done that before.

He wants to keep trying, but what do y'all think would be the most beneficial? How can I help him and our relationship? I would very much like to continue being with him. 

P.S. He told his parents he was breaking up with me last night, but decided not to.
Kind of makes me feel strange...",2.132553191489361,3.7618466702127655,3.1776063829787238,93.20875,76.97872340425532,6.827659574468084,21.324468085106385,7.645422480735847,0.4733234042553196,353,9,83,5,8,113,68,94,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.9164,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,3,0,24,22,8,0,5,5,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,10,2,11,13,2,8,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,5,53,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219109653758116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548618445544281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708170096087705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231789452641732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563578428220785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986440181521074,0.0,0.21072391317699896,0.11121024029621714,0.16494814891053086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886152004116283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701500417626141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875584594874078,0.0,0.0,0.19543787156996745,0.0,0.18989855022897487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469375410052106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912929879004953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345118651420377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966234074287594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336100298448744,0.0,0.13738727459400715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696590549235024,0.23871107169433875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731847189609582,0.0,0.0,0.2874975374229823,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lookwhosetalking,2019/10/22,"Looking for employment - Aussie Hi, first time posting. I have gained a lot of information about living with BPD through posts and responses on this subreddit. My best friend has diagnosed BPD and I support her in ways that I can. 

I have a question about employment for people with BPD. My friend has been unemployed since she had a child and is looking to get a job now that her daughter goes to school. I was wondering what types of employment people here have? Are there jobs that are better for the sometimes unpredictable nature of having BPD? 

Advice is welcome.",5.95529411764706,8.10737212745098,5.347205882352942,79.43492647058825,67.92156862745098,9.02156862745098,31.37745098039216,9.516144504307137,3.1013098039215685,455,19,77,10,8,138,69,102,0.0,0.795,0.205,0.9689,7,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,5,6,0,0,5,0,14,1,0,0,0,9,19,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,10,6,15,16,2,8,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,3,3,58,15,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314890951821653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299347201054727,0.12050837592000754,0.0,0.0,0.6864444395906547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829813856014006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590026176449487,0.0,0.0,0.2105438714187914,0.0,0.07118873681147013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704283921271943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031755936225245,0.0,0.22884337669338786,0.0,0.0,0.11584095590991175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892710218745004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26099336854733624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263919136254356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789950972411247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271332211553665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476180494968848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462299854138642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794526396290763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815458303118083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776506630055525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,popgoestheweasel-,2019/10/22,"Anyone else feel like they’ll never have a stable friendship? I (21f) have abandonment issues with friends. my social life has always been chaotic, and i’ve never had a friend stay in my life for more than four years (seriously, ever). i’m too intense for most people :/",4.790399999999998,6.762781840000002,5.097000000000001,80.78350000000002,70.6,6.6000000000000005,24.5,7.1686216300943375,1.1909999999999998,212,6,36,2,4,67,42,50,0.27399999999999997,0.609,0.11699999999999999,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,3,8,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,4,3,5,5,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016938351191325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766119850263936,0.25880124752518097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211000779636909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284758858043333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771361089299138,0.18044542595318744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39029017213149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26363114617255146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568138440889612,0.12339935024334245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896153350457372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510932694491713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574766745306266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26921999054523355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265524311046828
bpd,FlyFreeWithMyself,2019/10/22,"DAE absolutely hate being more dependent on others than they are on you? It's fucking the worst when your loved ones have more power over you than you do over them. And that sounds awful, but I hate it when my mood goes from ""meh"" to ""I WANT TO FUCKING OFF MYSELF"" when they say things that normal people would take perfectly well (ever hear ""I need some space right now"" and feel like hanging yourself? That's a good one). And unfortunately for me it's always been this power imbalance where they're perfectly fine without me but if I lose them I spiral for fucking months. I'm sick of this.",4.126541062801934,5.8121068521739145,4.476811594202901,85.72468599033819,71.78260869565217,7.1980676328502415,23.21256038647343,7.793537801064563,1.0084009661835749,468,12,92,6,9,147,81,115,0.168,0.632,0.201,0.6945,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,4,5,7,15,5,0,2,1,6,5,0,1,3,17,18,9,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,2,1,4,17,7,14,15,4,15,0,1,0,4,11,8,3,3,7,68,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847254758385187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227607123298025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629899912704404,0.1360600001428562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282135043802674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974333829593532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760667524675004,0.0,0.0,0.21465490734956416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304594739959356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306872170567664,0.0,0.0,0.1718916964171533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520181462083525,0.0,0.0,0.14121883801661256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866039677791296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258112406412741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203645879791845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264622649011198,0.0,0.15145624706010768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431973104973538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652882566069287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123343936615786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124054599954355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835903529426073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352926838138511,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ViettaRose,2019/10/22,"Waking to panic attacks I’m a 24(F) and haven’t opened my heart to anyone since I dated in high school because of how incredibly painful it was. I never had panic/anxiety attacks until I started dating. 
Recently I was finally able to open myself up to someone I was dating and I screwed up by my own paranoia and trust issues. I’m in the middle of trying to fix this but my main issue is now I’m constantly waking up to panic attacks where I can’t feel my body, my heart beats extremely heavy and I have difficulties breathing. I wish I wasn’t like this. I hate how overly emotional I am and how in my own head I get.",2.4780816034359354,4.276259456692916,4.708002863278455,81.87226914817468,76.48031496062994,7.137866857551898,25.71868289191124,8.00094639256281,1.692250393700787,489,18,94,8,11,170,74,127,0.21899999999999997,0.698,0.08199999999999999,-0.9521,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,5,2,2,0,10,9,7,3,1,14,18,10,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,1,20,2,17,13,3,22,0,0,0,1,0,12,1,0,11,67,23,1,0.13781756256464145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054300581386936,0.0,0.0,0.09636524416313563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703621202198072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401230696303727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308424326382908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893182454629952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502620814843046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968470058710674,0.0,0.0,0.15097240332032638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200398822989933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360663105744771,0.14144057955908465,0.0,0.0,0.3266289504095845,0.0,0.14561182155879002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876914583812488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733069963510624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629340043308337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466476034294211,0.4850976456507377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360782165979513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394787310439261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400411192086655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677237352612603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754798012635486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935690783989907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848339544522666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Poppymort,2019/10/22,"Newly diagnosed BPD and unspecified bipolar disorder. How do I navigate life? I’ve struggle with my emotions since the 7th grade. I was in a low from the 7th grade until about 23. Everything changed, I was more upbeat and I felt free. I was drinking heavily, doing tons of drugs and being extremely promiscuous. I hit a low point and realized I needed to cleanse myself and moved to a new state. Fast forward to being 30 and I’m unraveling. I have been told for years that something is wrong with me and that I am crazy. I have cut so many people out just with a flip of a switch, but I also am so fucking terrified of being alone and keep pulling people back (boyfriend’s) even when I know it’s not compatible. My current SO mentioned that he sees two different people and it’s hard to deal with my dark side. I’m feeling fucking helpless. I started a mood stabilizer 3 weeks ago and will most likely add in an antidepressant if I can’t keep my shit together. How does one learn to take that second before you explode to realize that is not the right away to be?",3.067751196172249,5.2257800813397175,4.452153110047849,82.73507177033495,75.9377990430622,7.653588516746413,27.74641148325359,8.532816995589336,2.1754918660287084,843,35,162,17,19,279,136,209,0.16399999999999998,0.8170000000000001,0.019,-0.9787,2,1,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,11,12,4,1,10,0,18,8,1,2,0,33,33,20,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,16,1,2,6,1,1,3,3,9,0,3,6,4,21,3,22,21,3,23,0,3,1,2,5,10,3,2,12,108,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130174265806186,0.0,0.0,0.15209301482021434,0.0,0.1174364343412581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797104624509418,0.11291910702325375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495911112767237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184953288504842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553485458840024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513966010846504,0.0,0.1490503472417926,0.0,0.15342770319819793,0.1683035998212184,0.0,0.128510018146294,0.0,0.0,0.14385775804841405,0.17030016476589735,0.0,0.0,0.1651872474709202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699348800274164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197992062517838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742521152926485,0.0,0.14099968038210187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715221714446176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315493632996846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610552604203186,0.0,0.0,0.08070529228947182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372497693885414,0.07174382367893256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888353862067613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607903077465893,0.0,0.10888791718457846,0.0,0.14182930013885597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950982010798226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30542331022242514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882135728071987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540967684747648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702097774426375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074011092321546,0.12147639856187332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130528265922707,0.0,0.0,0.10394166590201627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352021360807164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104134342519939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032211621594087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434517744126506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177947561962107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055816366127115,0.0,0.09456702210472888
bpd,crazyhobbitz,2019/10/22,"I believe I have undiagnosed bpd and i wonder if being diagnosed actually helps I want to preface by saying i mean no harm to anyone. i am not judging anyone's decisions and i would never want to invalidate anyone's personal struggles. But I have grappled a long time with wondering whether i believe that these disorders truly exist or whether it's a way to explain why people act differently. I don't know how to explain it, and it is personal to me. I know when i look back at the wrong things i do when I don't recognize myself that it isn't right, and i do know someone can say that i did it because i have whatever disorder or illness, but in a way doesn't that take responsibility away from me?",9.110309523809526,6.49257265,10.114285714285717,64.10738095238098,61.78571428571429,13.333333333333332,42.61904761904762,11.855464076750405,5.033547619047619,561,27,104,14,6,197,82,140,0.094,0.855,0.05,-0.6486,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,15,2,0,1,1,27,27,14,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,11,5,0,0,9,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,3,20,0,12,24,0,13,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,5,6,80,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.1397623463685111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004288770884845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456017996684422,0.11012756499470724,0.0,0.08730576140013828,0.0,0.0,0.322720451820853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803809455968093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453655828147304,0.0,0.14963472348810394,0.32828572801833245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599754356468428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361303827932862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674545258495773,0.12026897531906855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560088857412429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046031935181884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929091817470152,0.25010887148197786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223093478337687,0.0,0.22778905115758236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135008964442805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972494689178314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768383648633743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514919886366256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351290470064388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689500792554177,0.2273632047415437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292340381038357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106325971711724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173958708447753,0.15658890749460322,0.0,0.0
bpd,catfoodonmyshelf,2019/10/22,"Today was a great day, the first in a long time. Today was a great day all the way through. No blowups, no feelings of worthlessness or picking a fight for fear due to abandonment with my BF. Those are my most favorite occurring things that go through my mind / happen at least once a day and nothing happened today and it feels good. I’ve been lurking this sub for the past couple of months and recognizing my behavior from reading this sub has helped calm myself down and create a stable relationship in my life. I’m laying in bed about to go to sleep but just wanted to share my happiness with whoever will see my little post :)",6.714592680047224,6.833033942148763,6.462172373081465,79.51975206611573,64.9504132231405,9.558913813459268,32.16174734356552,9.23628265651192,2.6565763872491144,501,18,95,8,7,157,85,121,0.079,0.732,0.18899999999999997,0.9406,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,1,1,9,0,6,2,1,1,1,17,15,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,6,6,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,3,3,8,6,19,11,3,22,0,2,1,0,5,6,0,2,12,61,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278258411868008,0.0,0.30212125157528585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571783620237832,0.15791336257796038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282539915480704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749301819510166,0.13097544070245482,0.0,0.34432297068366263,0.0,0.0,0.27617477628016385,0.16622994615231682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466743320432696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029692438511277,0.0,0.15650837572284634,0.0,0.13819229846698508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576720778605306,0.0,0.12464146490743401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983497455101671,0.0,0.0,0.16630002363296578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490676571263825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955336522232693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619730000896087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676520759691863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443535120128038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626781554080915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374247138727163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105526089388027,0.0,0.4440501639320328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921042897489183,0.12394860410866755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gibigigorgegebman,2019/10/22,WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wants to date?  send big 5s and [test.mensa.no](https://test.mensa.no/) results lol. Also i'd like to get to know you beforehand because i'm looking for a quiet bpd girl that is 18-32 and doesn't abandon.,6.374210526315789,9.865068789473684,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,71.63157894736842,5.905263157894738,27.921052631578952,7.1686216300943375,1.5394526315789476,186,7,30,2,4,51,34,38,0.0,0.7959999999999999,0.204,0.7721,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,7,0,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784940118330609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885163696350144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5960987538542908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24727721490225116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601106720086299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312281346142924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974487775182022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27916178001652403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mlkjih,2019/10/22,"Just started dating a guy, and now I want to go full blown crazy town on him. Trying really hard to hide the fact that I want to boyfriend him up after one date. I’ve had a crush on him for months and our first date was magical af. 😂 

Advice on how to contain it/not scare him away 

(I really like him so I don’t want to mess this one up. I’ve been single by choice for a few years.)",0.8216638655462205,1.961614023529414,2.750420168067226,96.97117647058826,79.3529411764706,6.26890756302521,16.84873949579832,6.868970318607317,-0.4367142857142854,292,4,75,3,7,98,59,85,0.159,0.7609999999999999,0.08,-0.7693,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,9,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,1,10,1,15,6,3,18,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,10,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25634712485655403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24646890581046466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231388824809372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908893171125953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259749245466988,0.0,0.0,0.2349973310700281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816182961600284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939035280305596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555249763902204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361123154630921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26263941032871513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567945493055027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810574296847553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641894189752249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893276595512738
bpd,821irene,2019/10/22,Fp explanation That one person who holds u together is the best explanation of an FP ever,7.295294117647058,7.707539705882354,9.781176470588235,55.21529411764711,63.70588235294118,13.858823529411767,34.64705882352941,13.023866798666859,5.36269411764706,73,3,12,3,1,27,15,17,0.0,0.7809999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921255463688474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103791752365306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823374777484239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926646810268077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bunnehluver,2019/10/22,"I hate seeking relationships, I hate needing them I get so fucking broken up when I get attached to someone, and they clearly aren’t attached to me. I know why they aren’t, but it makes me feel so fucking useless and unimportant. I feel so small. I wish I didn’t have this insatiable thirst for relationships and care & love. I hate that I’m so excited to receive a text message knowing that they don’t feel the same. I hate knowing that people pretend to be busy , even though I know their schedule and they aren’t, so they can ignore me. I wish they’d just tell me the truth that they hate me. I wish they’d abandon me so I wouldn’t have to face the fear of it anymore.",3.5932608695652126,4.679834268115943,4.328231884057973,88.61060869565218,72.26086956521739,6.969275362318841,29.74202898550725,7.1686216300943375,1.5235194202898557,531,22,113,5,10,170,71,138,0.258,0.5579999999999999,0.184,-0.9101,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,10,0,10,15,7,1,4,0,12,5,2,1,2,24,36,13,0,5,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,7,1,0,1,6,11,0,0,1,3,30,4,8,31,1,5,0,2,0,3,16,2,2,0,2,75,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653377330134606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496988242500523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847746659624212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322963023334327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179835058164164,0.1911461138404268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329918265116023,0.1316719683105841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6220530061785193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27701124161806673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137306031887582,0.0,0.08411388003985347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343618082788406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736074176353502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705791097568379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676942100339856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101399001855098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380599056237955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370608347062933,0.0,0.43472218280859865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xannyxx,2019/10/22,"not self diagnosing something very different happened last night almost like an out of body experience and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I’m very bad at explaining my feelings and experiences so just bare with me. for a while now I’ve dealt with depression and been told by close family that I’m severely depressed and that they’ve noticed I’ve been distant towards them and even my own friends. last night I started to wonder if this was more than depression, like there feels as if there’s something else to it I’ve failed to notice which is when I came across borderline personality disorder. maybe the reason I’ve failed to notice that something isn’t right because i always thought it was normal up until i really looked into the depths of it. I’ve struggled to explain how I feel and what I’m going through and find it very difficult to talk to anyone about it, I’ve never fully opened up to someone about it. but the deeper I got into the symptoms of bpd and what it feels like to live with it, almost every symptom felt extremely familiar and it was as though it explained what I’ve been feeling for. although some of the symptoms for me were things only I can only identify myself since I tend to shut down instead of showing my emotions. I’m not self diagnosing in any way but I feel as though it could be quiet borderline disorder. I’m so confused at the moment and feel like I don’t know who I am.",6.681464285714287,6.678881789285715,6.954285714285718,76.37321428571431,65.03571428571429,9.857142857142858,33.92857142857143,9.516144504307137,3.0763928571428565,1151,46,213,20,16,373,153,280,0.10800000000000001,0.846,0.046,-0.9313,1,0,3,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,15,14,0,2,8,0,16,6,1,2,1,52,44,26,0,4,7,0,8,4,1,0,5,1,0,3,22,19,0,1,17,1,0,2,6,9,0,0,13,10,19,5,43,29,3,31,0,5,1,0,11,16,0,7,16,142,41,2,0.08886476883608185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797045900014588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394260647982676,0.0,0.0,0.06043109011130464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062136312578979565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741983700942543,0.05417113826951159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870872504878336,0.11192206549033697,0.0,0.0,0.10163762170393788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095128692355973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961728555108785,0.18039173955986887,0.0,0.09284476953180064,0.203693447937334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423511148446711,0.09996090406970418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058694341712636613,0.0,0.07487240045045129,0.0,0.0,0.17385359146783247,0.08377379529676518,0.0,0.3145288804774944,0.12697001722503454,0.08532411393933689,0.0,0.08122078879515056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865669996416666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050389601894677,0.0,0.07107327358934111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858282160134122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883775293783208,0.14487329444821384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365934928181528,0.0,0.07846921896029793,0.0,0.0746240246583706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892766045325976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853798806561133,0.0,0.0,0.16678713137625756,0.08706860568241692,0.0,0.3035193849348038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517132219937594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759328847374483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692904642884851,0.0913677827698418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589002703716619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854106691639537,0.10039189443397001,0.0,0.07350985508438973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529483025773746,0.20523732176943546,0.0,0.0,0.0628989407666338,0.0,0.0,0.07429492584790975,0.0,0.09290075099737027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770935615989055,0.0,0.07142613505282634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903780375104267,0.05694095566806336,0.17461836838074993,0.07054870016484599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491409483888174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219968222883721,0.0,0.07053671718756656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637005108548556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,user38726,2019/10/22,"Experience with Celexa I’m thinking about taking Celexa to treat PMDD, SAD, and OCD. 

To those who have taken Celexa, how was your experience?",4.025866666666668,7.225648920000001,3.708000000000002,83.32066666666668,79.8,6.533333333333335,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.0067333333333337,113,3,20,2,3,34,21,25,0.134,0.7709999999999999,0.095,-0.2808,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8926536107358506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430637860951086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923641050305905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway74838838383,2019/10/22,"A break up pushed me over the already thin edge (venting) It's been a week since I saw him. I still cry for hours everyday. I started to PRAY (and I'm far from religious) that he forgive me for being sick and give me another chance at being nicer. I miss everything. 

I'd rather be arguing with him than being alone in this bed. 

I was completely naked in front of him. I told him everything and he saw me. When he looked at me, I knew he was looking straight at the real me. I used to run my fingers on him for hours trying to repair the damage i did. 

It's so hard to accept it's over when you're in love with someone. People think I'm crazy for moving so fast with him but to me it was so so so real and he was so so so inviting. He kept telling me he wanted to protect me, that I was his baby... I can't believe heartbreak happens to people who are in love. 

I'd give everything to go back home. 

I feel like I can't continue my life without the routine we had. It's so hard to be thrown out. Everything is so different now... I just started to trust it was okay for me to be there. Things were coming into place. 

These days, I wake up and see the whiteness of my wall and instantly, i know I'm not home. The first seconds after I open my eyes are so painful. 

It's like I'm always on this shaky boat and i finally find an anchor. Someone strong. Who has solid foundations but can't share with me because I'm literally going to break the anchor in half. 

I just can't get out of this feeling of unfairness. I didn't choose to have BPD. I don't want a caretaker. I just wanted to be loved. 

I'm too fucking selfish for wanting love. I live to be a lover but I'm fucking poison. What's even the point to continue? I tried to be better but it wasn't enough to make him stay. 

Nobody can love me whole without suffocating...",0.5229268292682931,2.5995911250000034,2.659037093495936,92.68022103658535,84.36458333333334,5.725508130081301,21.605436991869922,7.0180271515732855,0.5619603150406505,1408,47,314,19,41,475,187,384,0.092,0.7170000000000001,0.191,0.9932,1,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,0,3,24,25,4,1,13,1,32,15,3,2,0,47,74,24,0,5,11,0,6,2,1,0,4,0,3,0,18,17,0,2,9,0,0,7,10,10,0,3,17,13,49,15,54,48,2,52,1,3,7,8,31,24,2,1,20,206,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687607202112307,0.10322035142921984,0.0,0.07783023636396205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808164881474472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192414166736429,0.0,0.05701925718254496,0.0,0.0,0.10538411294590226,0.0,0.0827258320055566,0.0,0.0,0.11780651543345726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057380100340149,0.09807171356277616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274594857347784,0.06032359530947566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772620552386238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664867443953523,0.0,0.06178027400167418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33625992123150594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459018584534376,0.06682281652092449,0.0,0.10246515782712627,0.08549107869653799,0.07956248278123038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294680802595602,0.04886919632924625,0.1794583332563066,0.1063184096851653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271441690452268,0.0,0.1675814712255852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876503768834205,0.0,0.18423011040398768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051405462095433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606791474411777,0.09139485909996282,0.0,0.08259484145506403,0.0,0.15709496200071538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.422103751252898,0.0,0.06243664115336005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941497605387288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952991076444218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969348891756802,0.0,0.09772620552386238,0.0,0.08842265255833212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293105628306552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453683971835386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737473249417506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585071101745084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241187077292293,0.09969794433379696,0.07469872993651921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175541802721895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062141794008931224,0.05993470137740321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937856516790643,0.0,0.1270108996748083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078589352109829,0.0,0.0,0.2206820687565932,0.0,0.07502970007178833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443066545216248,0.0,0.18033256587997654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheBrokenNB,2019/10/22,"How do I get a better handle on this situation? And why might I be getting panic attacks? TLDR: toxic friendship now having panic attacks 

I had an online friend who I was able to meet up with irl, and we were friends for a year and a half. But it was a really toxic friendship, we hurt each other and I didn’t understand their boundaries and they were my FP and I was unhealthily attached to them, and they gaslit me and wouldn’t ever address any issues I had with them. We cut each other off a month ago and I had to leave all online spaces that we were in together. I’m not attached to them anymore but like I can’t be in any online spaces with them otherwise I get panic attacks. And like losing them as a friend was hard enough but now by not being in any spaces with them, I’m losing basically all of our mutual online friends. And like yesterday they unexpectedly rejoined an online space I was in and that was really bad for me mentally. I want to come back to the spaces I used to be in but like I don’t know if I can without getting panic attacks. And I’m worried that like I have some sort of CPTSD from the toxic friendship and that by seeing rejoining the groups as some sort of goal, that isn’t a great thing for my recovery. I guess like I know how hard it is for me to find people who I actually connect with and I don’t know how to find people. And the groups gave me places to at least socialise with cool people and I can’t come back bc I’m getting fucking panic attacks when I’m in groups with them. I am in the process of seeing a mental health professional but they haven’t been very receptive to my BPD related issues.",4.4155600649350655,4.993857574404764,5.643149350649349,81.80639610389612,69.98214285714286,8.251948051948053,27.177489177489186,8.296473431620573,1.7191654761904762,1299,40,261,18,22,435,143,336,0.154,0.7040000000000001,0.142,-0.5345,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,5,0,12,4,9,29,7,5,15,1,32,2,0,4,3,62,55,29,0,3,9,0,2,6,4,2,1,0,1,0,13,32,0,0,6,0,0,2,11,16,0,1,15,5,46,13,43,34,8,29,0,3,2,1,28,17,1,7,16,192,59,2,0.07945599812268428,0.0,0.07753759250221645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043294823516394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620984101570964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879899967410735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519633425243784,0.0,0.12219351606055805,0.06634243955318259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027237341631555,0.0,0.0,0.1000720481464458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688861373561315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209928598784885,0.0,0.0,0.07187249924370875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524268563471707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555002820184235,0.07345578992752523,0.20756239796859105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760051843457403,0.08752973988057255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423539351387709,0.0,0.0,0.0844580104744346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505928933837438,0.0,0.0,0.1658628374473768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310008158430809,0.0,0.0,0.08413242947147934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23290912323152235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778187568416742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014591571492348,0.08429025768090269,0.0,0.0,0.06342101964708713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661224702290159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525435396529986,0.0,0.0830146066910657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180309396900544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266322866020471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931187096571669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278703456330373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271649621199015,0.0,0.06862447120391618,0.0,0.06555951975650523,0.04686520632668492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169667971579488,0.0,0.0,0.0765927467963625,0.0,0.0,0.08069142297951752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051167057723781335
bpd,helm65,2019/10/22,My girlfriend says she needs to have sex with other people but she still wants me as a boyfriend I have been away recently and she has recently expressed the desire to sleep with other people I know hyper sexual thoughts is common within BPD but I don’t know if I can deal with it am I a bad person for not wanting to continue the relationship or should I continue the relationship and just let her do what she wants,3.726655052264807,5.766500585365852,4.807839721254356,81.45719512195123,73.6341463414634,8.10034843205575,25.12891986062717,8.841846274778883,1.963018815331011,336,11,63,7,7,110,56,82,0.06,0.895,0.045,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,11,2,1,0,0,20,18,7,0,7,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,13,0,10,14,0,8,0,0,0,1,12,2,0,2,6,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074780724822135,0.0,0.16951662731760728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255701722830856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093089127586259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223153450763818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076058781298952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053978355638356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815026693060845,0.1772727965296632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009235739695212,0.4359437667160884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145289800507084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031707025682048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213529334745266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117844230801914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592465894478389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,motherfuckface,2019/09/14,"quitting things greetings fellow borderliners,

i successfully quit my main addiction, alcohol, as of 5.5 years ago. i was able to quit smoking for 1.5 years and i have been smoking again for 1.5 years. i am currently in this loop of smoking an entire pack a day, crushing myself with negative self talk. going 3 days without a cigarette and feeling elated. to just the next day, spiraling down another pack. 

i know a symptom of borderline is this black and white thinking. i truly flip from knowing i can smoke, to believing i can never commit to such an endeavor. all or nothing. i've started to be incredibly unkind to myself about it, and i am having a really hard time recently.

i have told my friends and coworkers so many times over the last couple months that i am going to quit. i struggle really hard with how others view me, and i feel like i am just setting myself up to look unreliable. or i look like i am someone that is not true to my word. everyone around me is being so positive and telling me that i am strong enough to do it. for some reason this is just making things worse? 

i think it is making things worse because i can't see myself this way right now, and because they do, i feel bad and wrong for not having the same positive view of myself. i am letting them down cause i'm really not that great. things get pretty confusing up in my brain. \*internal screaming\*

anyway, this is my current experience in my BPD head.",3.791413043478261,5.9340339384058005,4.9703623188405786,79.91032608695654,73.7463768115942,8.223188405797101,27.80434782608696,8.959647251330699,2.4745391304347826,1141,45,206,25,24,376,155,276,0.13,0.745,0.125,0.5116,2,1,3,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,6,12,13,0,2,9,0,27,5,2,5,4,41,45,15,0,0,9,0,5,2,2,0,3,1,0,1,17,12,1,0,8,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,3,13,37,7,33,39,5,33,0,0,7,0,8,10,0,4,21,154,54,1,0.10089803081456876,0.0,0.0,0.10999374669659012,0.0,0.0,0.08944001647829801,0.10782930989019586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580038277044616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982063904972758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424564121660225,0.12301300616579508,0.0,0.0,0.11367752910291867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707753770793592,0.11263557137130226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365007128829966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164175198510286,0.0,0.19521264836870988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425463757519804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641239233343918,0.0,0.09869763495081768,0.0,0.0,0.15305122807938373,0.07208157337430775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795356831894873,0.0,0.05271505668796493,0.0,0.114685352215904,0.0,0.0,0.11124043517440177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076963443375585,0.0,0.10355048869834227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090183804844166,0.0822453617946556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317507255863254,0.0,0.0985873625992044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945786813165578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470043810954827,0.10229476667382746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053584557282491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781878153049053,0.0,0.10730620043449668,0.0,0.0,0.09681438180151808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264957083526782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42926990222159056,0.0,0.0,0.1939135865446505,0.10373998022067876,0.09962463300025184,0.0,0.0,0.08616636701816759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804026672471244,0.0,0.10525865118246144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549057408269836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141614552986633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548052911856913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487168718233764,0.0,0.08109801521927165,0.08818932619266158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681286732691537,0.1293027681241097,0.0,0.0,0.1176689063368903,0.0,0.0,0.09641239233343918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800881604438483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726210115061816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564742671994585,0.0,0.11031615745749762,0.0,0.1949250713180959
bpd,realityiswrong,2019/09/14,"NHS BPD QUESTION? They wont help me. For those who have been told by NHS that they are ""too unstable"" for therapy and have to get stable for it to be referred, What did you do?? Did you ever get help eventually?

​

I've been fighting this for years. I see everybody around me getting help and having just like months to wait and ive been waiting for therapy for over 6 years now! I've begged and begged for help endlessly but i get nowhere. I feel so much envy and jealousy over people who get help and i feel evil for feeling that way. I honestly just want to give up.

  
My other disorders (PTSD, agoraphobia, and bulimia) have just been getting worse and worse too so I feel like im getting even further away from being the perfect amount of ""stable"" for help. I've also started getting physical issues from my bulimia, ive developed gallstones from fasting and binging, and I've started getting chest pains and dizziness and hot flushes all the time. Yet still no help.",3.615240641711232,5.909252770053477,4.222994652406417,84.37802139037436,74.77540106951872,7.180748663101605,29.71657754010695,8.124751697461798,2.236339037433156,776,35,143,13,17,246,105,187,0.218,0.6940000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9798,0,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,2,2,1,14,7,2,0,2,0,17,2,1,0,3,29,38,16,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,13,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,6,16,4,23,28,3,18,0,0,1,0,17,6,0,1,13,94,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652814066231533,0.0,0.1172355215863082,0.13147581515890208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632165189526816,0.0,0.0,0.10165821334570356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627511984227794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240074908693656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714656079291509,0.09787381820613117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883830218641204,0.07729867313434972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087740695558542,0.10379606671675302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50767300822106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687543134265005,0.11293352374203565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572289088586648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636484625835271,0.0,0.07954003773826912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513327991588783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501281096370195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648094498122064,0.0,0.12120965890823256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622202878940756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531701662826337,0.0,0.0864092986428669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24747408916982397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630927566035461,0.0,0.0,0.10339050123647184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381963522177495,0.08588475870154852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053171809109245,0.0,0.0,0.13147581515890208,0.13935553538548628
bpd,lizamaranta,2019/09/14,"53 days without acting on my crippling ED thoughts. For 15+ years I had been binging and purging. It got particularly bad when I moved on my own, then got scary bad when I left an abusive relationship. I never told anyone other than my therapist and even then I would dilute what I would share. 
But being able to eat and not making myself go thru the painful and hurtful cycle all over again every single day is the best feeling in this world. It’s an everyday battle but it’s worth it.",4.414330357142859,5.744939510416671,5.24607142857143,81.87750000000005,70.5625,7.152380952380952,27.255952380952376,7.447530270364453,1.494070238095238,387,13,73,4,7,126,73,96,0.156,0.7659999999999999,0.079,-0.7679,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,2,15,13,10,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,2,0,1,3,3,5,0,0,6,1,10,2,9,4,4,19,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,10,54,17,0,0.1931230218977486,0.2288192012385929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350361072448238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224993130612127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026706967380799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24909674491013825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976130646166683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755593457686468,0.0,0.16271447527648852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764880256904636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975626386627664,0.0,0.3089162454708567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674218920688395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098287283622396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891111674158892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525920913113366,0.0,0.0,0.14894838014419448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054965114846582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734185124483825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242307133788985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331810733593285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453732352858396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186163701498322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27437810757194075,0.0,0.0,0.12436489431516012
bpd,foolishcomputer,2019/09/14,"Love BPD can make you seem like a real asshole sometimes but the apathy I feel in relationships is insane.

Right now I am sitting here, across from my partner and just cannot speak, cannot feel anything but the emotional version of white noise. They tried to kiss me earlier and touched me lightly but I jerked away each time.

I don't mean to be disattached. I don't want to feel apathy....nor this feeling of subconscious pettiness over absolutely nothing.

They think they ruined my mood when really my moods shift to their own liking, and fuck I sure wish I knew how to unshift them but that seems like such a task.

I want to not inflict unintentional guilt tripping on to people that I love. I just want to not be the way I am because these shifts do nothing but get in the way of every relationship I have.",3.9284615384615407,5.86791831847134,4.6028025477707,83.57310142087215,72.82165605095541,7.888094071533562,27.36354728074473,8.617729084823388,2.0024144047035763,644,24,125,12,13,206,100,157,0.124,0.685,0.191,0.9146,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,5,0,7,13,2,1,6,0,12,4,0,2,1,30,30,10,0,4,9,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,9,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,8,23,7,18,27,3,14,0,1,1,4,12,7,1,2,6,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648896337950255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441415521334322,0.0,0.0,0.0936992487745286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935904208909789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290132563866553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295060044935662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31087845731757285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210099175884605,0.0803063247493002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528256406702055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27745576741336103,0.0,0.1026015886763528,0.0,0.0,0.1674335709542598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949748202444965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656209044971443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495387523741504,0.0984695735447661,0.0,0.0,0.3300507182706485,0.0,0.13126618251001812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798608129059516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202159438159646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448684017467584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849017283072456,0.0,0.0,0.08962863742250962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435795267909682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719836913295272,0.24401323740380604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675713991508069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rocketpoweredcow,2019/09/14,"I feel so broken I don't know what to do. My BPD majorly fucked with my marriage fot the last few years to the point my wife wanted to leave me and we (at least I thought we did) agreed to a trial seperation and that we would revisit everything later. She moved near Chicago in mid April and I stayed in our apartment. We stayed in on and off friendly contact during the time, me respecting her boundaries and trying to be supportive and all that fun stuff. I thought I had a chance. I really did. She never once said anything that made me think otherwise until this morning when she tells me that she's fleeing her bitch roommate. After asking where she was going to stay because I was worried it came out that she was moving in with her new girlfriend that she never once mentioned to me. She decided she was happy with ne just being a friend and instead of telling me that months ago when she figured it out she never told me. She never told me she had started dating. Nothing.

 The real shit part is if she told me months ago that she just wanted to be friends I would have been hurt but I would have been ok and wanted her to stay in my life. Instead, I get that first thing in the morning and I just don't lnow what to do with myself. So much of my personal growth and reflection and all this painful work I put into myself for months has been thrown against the wall because she didn't have the guts to tell me. So much of what I did, I did for her.

The shitty thing is is how much I still love her and crave her and just want her to come back.  I'm at my parent's right now, but I don't know what I'm going to do tonight, or tomorrow, or the next. They say take it one day at a time, but what happens when it feels like your very heart is on fire? What happens when every bad and hateful self-loathing thought that ever fluttered through your head has just been proven true by someone you swore to the gods and everyone that you would love forever? When you feel like some unlovable monster that is just not deserving of love or acceptance? Fuck, I want to just lay down and never wake up than feel this way anymore, I just want it to stop. Thanks for reading, I'm just very angry and hurt and lost and need people to talk to that know just how damn hard this can be.",5.0699953517198635,5.207286559652932,5.037145181282927,88.27342462039046,68.43600867678958,7.974000619770683,28.39487139758289,7.447530270364453,1.3800845367214127,1788,55,383,16,28,555,218,461,0.124,0.748,0.128,-0.6397,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,5,5,1,3,27,28,6,0,14,1,40,12,5,3,9,91,85,37,0,12,18,2,6,2,4,4,2,2,0,1,31,32,0,1,15,1,0,9,10,12,0,2,25,8,72,16,53,52,10,74,0,3,0,5,58,24,5,5,38,280,103,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867975348617602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198219091415971,0.0,0.0,0.05972909226619606,0.0,0.06785470234440998,0.0,0.0,0.055811349369411706,0.06060323315496944,0.08849105765118473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141493298950366,0.0,0.0,0.08301487590112587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252327040091447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680961322564962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565489388742103,0.061153763022111327,0.06935554893088458,0.06523233891888784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679927453420027,0.10370569525724818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173851255309359,0.0,0.0,0.1682308381017136,0.1342024319136366,0.03792128382077757,0.0,0.08250044796893931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283686704554777,0.07726526464463078,0.065019531839996,0.07166004701387119,0.0744904343924675,0.0,0.0,0.08601043801224628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554018205687831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966808937837127,0.05916430529552511,0.0,0.07685423197419171,0.0,0.0,0.05126706258026297,0.0709201429943614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792322125620635,0.0,0.19652522270144224,0.06867917756559389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380362554427367,0.1542871095147746,0.16006914310349404,0.05381889521004258,0.2798999267393881,0.07010048900970094,0.07719215605690137,0.0,0.0,0.06964472545216227,0.0,0.0,0.15459567465221574,0.04918368097429431,0.0,0.07723274124105675,0.0,0.08059411368606241,0.07859961541676984,0.0,0.05031946473822667,0.06337611118224952,0.0,0.0,0.06861378446372812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296531234633792,0.0,0.0,0.07260199501545075,0.08261460824081278,0.04649811403720781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619849330494453,0.0690424390847112,0.05772040050687411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571922401050228,0.0,0.07450474252322006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149879232760755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137416317418677,0.30945252448667065,0.057964361023860725,0.06068209729772355,0.0,0.0,0.08308942923798654,0.0,0.08236559427140792,0.0,0.0,0.0545728966209906,0.05833894613137827,0.19032052768020027,0.06682407907974118,0.0,0.0,0.09644098060743868,0.046507841183503866,0.0,0.1728668427394987,0.08464670768532886,0.0,0.0,0.2080666467926537,0.0,0.04927865339191469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977608565769762,0.2568657147672453,0.057612493539602176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528408175811568,0.07371090290573086,0.0,0.20624168489494374,0.0,0.0,0.04674065575478743
bpd,ghastlyguru,2019/09/14,"I lost my best friend a couple of weeks ago and I tried to kill myself yesterday They are a great person, and it's not their fault. I feel like it isn't my fault either, I was being helpful by being there for them 24/7, when they needed a shoulder to cry on I was there for them, when they needed to vent I was there for them. I was avoiding any sad talk with them because I felt it alienated them. I know it sounds like they weren't a good person, but they were. And I can't see my life without them. I feel like one of my suicide attempts will eventually work, and honestly... I hope it does. I don't want to be this lonely.

I have been trying to reach out and get them to be my friend again, but I am only getting ignored, and got a ""sorry"" yesterday. It's really weird because they haven't unfollowed/blocked me from any social medias but they just refuse to talk. (Hell they still have me as Close Friends on Instagram, but they probably forgot to change that) I really don't want to lose them. I don't know what to do. I am lost.",1.8750836202656167,3.635467182242991,3.1942203639940985,92.22252090506642,78.11214953271029,6.374422036399411,20.60895228726021,7.273561745256523,0.4046485981308416,803,20,178,10,19,261,110,214,0.16,0.682,0.158,-0.1093,1,4,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,18,6,8,23,2,1,5,0,24,2,1,0,0,31,41,13,2,5,8,0,3,3,3,1,1,1,0,2,9,9,0,4,5,0,0,0,9,12,0,1,12,5,44,11,23,24,2,12,1,5,1,0,28,4,1,1,11,127,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117561418376711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037504219428244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169030432975115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139178627389815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029651163214027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467437421214509,0.14567906102589726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605842303262108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411535586106624,0.18949039453195413,0.1273379366783807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307390329964612,0.0,0.13857906288623287,0.0,0.0,0.1112370577898221,0.10606994428655044,0.14621624475123424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889374415247793,0.0,0.0,0.13172358976746038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672661504564766,0.0,0.14577118715896725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936748545075632,0.1943772592661668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837011647815895,0.28954520155874897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966750940983079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986811273223119,0.10086502204520226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316008640033897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429889680179561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992212340983248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056825789509575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519144744694522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484594929620704,0.0,0.0,0.1059121161278394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506696396339822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213193111363682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008329147351615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564478064978012,0.0,0.10638138444647424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784289421883382,0.0,0.09655040975336024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moomeo,2019/09/14,"Therapy =/= Counselling I feel bad but I keep getting annoyed when I'm talking to people about my twice a week intensive therapy and they chime in with 'Yeah, when I was doing therapy I-' ...

This has happened plenty of times where people have used the word therapy, when what they've had is counselling for a few weeks...

I haven't said anything or corrected anyone, but it makes me feel a bit shitty. They might be trying to relate, but it doesn't really make me think that",2.8794806763285017,5.271572141304347,3.9162318840579746,85.19205314009663,77.58695652173913,7.132367149758455,24.352657004830927,8.167268648758528,1.6511120772946857,375,13,70,7,9,121,69,92,0.11900000000000001,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,4,1,10,0,0,3,1,16,21,8,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,3,10,0,7,16,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,6,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317597967480705,0.0,0.13319664055747746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514598593241858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670873684262575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368213095460454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456494848512576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313188940907765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386822905346106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608504904175546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170743276106645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442610136820984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036913896901752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396552321593626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300965968766448,0.0,0.0,0.7404021300962508,0.0,0.0,0.1037130813509671,0.0,0.0,0.09438162100043797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098920280547133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979470580833067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596679789320808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pejoykela,2019/09/14,"Figuring out yourself Hi everybody. I hope anyone will want to read this, I regard it as important for your own growth and self-counciousness.

We all struggle with our emotions - that's just how it is for us people with either diagnosed or undiagnosed BPD.

Sometimes our gut feeling is right, and sometimes it's way off. I believe we can somehow get a grasp of this by trying to be in touch with ourselves. We all have to spend some time everyday to reflect upon our feelings and experiences throughout life. We can learn from mistakes, and there by avoid doing them again in the future. 

It is a painful and dark experience to really dig into yourself and look at yourself from the outside, but please, try and do it. It is quinessential in order for us to function together with what I would label are more normal people. 

Who am I? What have I done? What have I done that is right? What have I done that has been wrong? Who have I wronged? Why did I wrong them? Was it deserved, or was it not?

You have to build self-awareness and use that skill to kill it. It is the only way. And, you have to be yourself, not anyone else.

Be aware. Stay strong. 

You can do it.",2.489704347826088,4.929316528888889,3.276772946859904,88.99365217391303,79.26666666666667,6.046376811594204,24.44927536231884,7.255503002510835,1.1079855072463771,909,33,178,12,23,287,128,225,0.11199999999999999,0.8240000000000001,0.063,-0.9399,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,9,4,2,2,5,10,1,2,5,0,34,4,1,2,2,44,41,14,1,5,7,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,23,19,0,1,6,1,1,1,2,8,0,0,7,4,25,2,30,29,6,19,0,0,1,0,18,10,0,5,4,142,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584675134878046,0.12151311854812268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361433256764302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936443920955528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036996859981215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364087164816584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906970308275416,0.13340179448833156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320145190351396,0.0,0.0,0.11992893611642205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061960241141862216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779016564376545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120620475866535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837661397520402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958872315146723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619651052307388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019574759039373,0.12619191095848295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644356865155325,0.0,0.0,0.13018011760529366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862565465341275,0.0,0.07597407229152534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255650716136886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474378979856598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23458412960770345,0.0,0.0,0.12640495723833187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239797399563428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915285944478022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103448721513633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853069050124753,0.10242675999221323,0.0,0.0,0.06994955525624473,0.18826809816717507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701224325163512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424546351060651,0.3889903272818088,0.0,0.0
bpd,garbagecansdonttalk,2019/09/14,"Need help for a friend Can anyone suggest a good book about BPD that does not vilify a person for having this disorder but allowed them to realize they may fit this disorder so that they will seek help for it?

I have never told my sister in-law I think she has this because I know it’s a shitty thing to hear.

My brother left his 20 year marriage ( he has tried leaving several times but always stayed because of their daughter and her threats and threats of suicide)he left for good two weeks ago because their daughter is 21 now, my sister in law who I care for deeply has been calling me nonstop because her life is falling apart.

She was in the ER yesterday for 18 hours because of SI threats.

I care for her deeply and know her for 20 years ( I actually started researching BPD to better understand her) but I too have a hard time keeping my patients with her, her 
own behavior is destroying everything around her. 

Her worst fears of abandonment are coming true and I do want to support her but I love support and understand why my brother left.

I worry she will ware me out to the point that I don’t want her to smother me with her problems.

She only has one friend ( she just can’t keep relationships) and refuses to  reach out to her, and said she’s not telling her family till next year. Yet excepts me to be on call all day.

I feel bad and don’t want to traumatizes her more by saying sorry but I can’t deal with you.

I have told her to see a therapist to talk to because I’m not equipped to know and say the right things.

I really care and want to help, seeing her hurting is breaking my heart 

Please help me help her",5.820019493177388,5.838361950617287,5.956205328135155,82.732134502924,66.83950617283949,9.290188434048083,32.48473034437947,8.99025400887824,2.538020987654321,1288,50,261,20,19,409,170,324,0.174,0.637,0.18899999999999997,0.2034,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,5,1,7,23,5,1,9,0,25,3,1,1,3,51,54,17,0,6,10,6,2,0,2,3,1,4,0,1,11,17,0,4,8,1,0,2,8,11,1,2,5,8,57,12,40,45,4,33,0,2,2,1,63,13,0,1,16,172,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.08159906330619401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412227303444767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957683813010998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584676192539826,0.0,0.0,0.07443770913646829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981750077980238,0.3058363802522892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395328719950292,0.0,0.0,0.21062777752994855,0.0,0.17076656484507685,0.0,0.25576223785432584,0.0,0.0,0.07202946530607161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392666426768113,0.08620644128534456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916668444622169,0.0,0.07317463704295976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515042739867961,0.0,0.0788275673849583,0.09409344800461088,0.042279751139917214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920605121642836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402695490220318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490526459757152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424351390951094,0.09908768081127924,0.2802367675596873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234684339341003,0.0,0.08951475163874194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864696313143458,0.0,0.0,0.13786272593951193,0.0,0.0,0.08853934223390934,0.27255346252365475,0.0,0.05906183540608975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754684702168879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200165507155184,0.06449132277620545,0.0,0.08892864514201934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566616912334613,0.0635952237298043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301197413961273,0.0,0.09178740600807016,0.0790459964083404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001109132017906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053567803961064635,0.0,0.0,0.08977439191149221,0.0,0.07140927779297497,0.07953982475340943,0.13299271004549496,0.0,0.0,0.1332653702235231,0.0,0.0,0.09446448970544573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360345616645073,0.059185219843033425,0.089125615684616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977733176604836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720894587595712,0.07308577941018754,0.0,0.0,0.09708689210891693,0.1111041092732959,0.053579010047089363,0.0,0.0,0.09751660550380303,0.0,0.0,0.1598010812124004,0.0,0.056771103495746315,0.0,0.0816825931334363,0.17409848289204494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728014835125,0.0,0.0670732807804076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545219961279849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491809352714055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154166698979594
bpd,MaireadoPotato,2019/09/14,"I'm the only friend of mine , and love is just a short piece of time I'm sick of this shit . Sick of caring too much , loving too hard , and accepting that my BPD ultimately makes me forever alone .

Since before I could even remember , BPD has ruled my entire life . From being a toddler and not being able to function without my mom around , to middle school when at age 12 I had a full blown eating disorder , then leading into high school where I began the drinking and drugging , which finally brought me into my 20's when I got old enough to realize that I'm literally incapable of adulting . That isn't out of a lack of trying , laziness , or just lack of maturity . It's just that I'm incapable ; my head really fucks me over man . 

Also , what's with every single fucking guy I date wanting to RUN away from me . Oh yeah .... Cause I'm clingy , need nonstop reassurance that they won't leave me , and (obviously) a complete emotional rollercoaster that absolutely no one has the time for .
LIKE YOOOOOOOOOOO , WHERE THE PEOPLE AT WHO CAN TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME AS A PERSON AND NOT RUN AWAY FROM ME .

Yeah man , I have BPD , but it's a part of me and who I am . I didnt get diagnosed until recently , and with me being 25 my brain has ultimately stopped developing . With BPD being a neurological disease , and me spending my whole life just being this way without knowing I had BPD , by the time I was finally diagnosed it was considered to be on the ""Very Severe"" side of the spectrum . I experience disassociation A LOT and it manifests in different ways . I'm okay with feeling SO much and reacting so intensely all the time , because honestly I don't know what it's like to not be like this and I'm okay with who I am . Its the disassociation that really fucks with me , it really makes me feel quite insane and I'm constantly questioning things in my own head which in turn just makes me question myself as a human entirely . 

Idk guys , I guess I'm just kinda thinking through my fingers and typing all of this out . Not really much of a point , just passing along a few thoughts . I'm about to have another man leave me and I'm just fucking sick of this cycle , sick of this life .",4.594481393507522,5.819738634204272,5.943332541567695,77.44674861441015,70.02137767220903,9.508820269200317,29.710292953285823,9.80755857964246,2.8492355661124305,1699,66,327,41,30,573,208,421,0.10800000000000001,0.794,0.098,-0.8547,1,1,2,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,1,2,20,17,5,0,21,4,25,24,5,6,3,73,61,26,0,5,16,1,4,3,1,1,11,0,0,8,28,27,2,1,12,1,1,5,11,5,0,1,9,4,40,12,55,43,16,46,0,0,0,6,19,22,5,6,20,227,68,4,0.07524830805844343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779345534462166,0.0,0.0601760447678723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890441202012262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698694773975941,0.0,0.0,0.14139652488747426,0.0,0.0,0.04587067016288285,0.0,0.06403076785796583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738630490385399,0.08400199790284445,0.0,0.0,0.0767206651024229,0.07730074047644761,0.0,0.0,0.07889641934030613,0.08131668855999076,0.0,0.06007965097411301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275089742975814,0.0,0.07861846613511267,0.08624108024265481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371469456720192,0.08726414759110508,0.07699780490448868,0.0,0.08464421842037685,0.0,0.07775161736503512,0.0,0.049700797788906514,0.0,0.06339994497215312,0.0,0.0,0.07360728429941324,0.0,0.0,0.07609561102605532,0.0,0.0,0.1648616867395697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813665614445459,0.27826339305979586,0.03931413520115533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018294601809913,0.0,0.08289449489563888,0.14901531099999807,0.0,0.0,0.06740770374638158,0.0,0.15445294641072674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950396888254116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270900439131039,0.0,0.0,0.1593541864718637,0.0,0.0,0.15945031601558435,0.1102875671355009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397342060632774,0.13582907182568127,0.0,0.1506864898250973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812990894399067,0.0,0.0,0.1659484938127501,0.05579566695748648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896044117945826,0.0,0.05099020098192048,0.05722972909707184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148658473320489,0.0,0.05216770216214288,0.0657039201340869,0.0,0.0,0.07113397351784667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859065281953933,0.08003583811747701,0.0,0.0,0.1928239719411529,0.0,0.07429862618418791,0.0,0.08524166424922898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523106101411616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500916952670694,0.07724130687474917,0.06224617802050405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291095493305081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999163225132471,0.04821607741034123,0.0,0.05973875128082936,0.17551157423896824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217732348603176,0.08184855107197772,0.0,0.07833614246295527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208773478855459,0.04438340170930522,0.11945720883271325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401204867524903,0.0,0.1450733674524088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xAllets,2019/09/14,"I miss my ex TL;DR - I have bpd and my ex texted me after we cut all contact 6 months ago. I texted back, she didn’t reply. I miss her and idk what to do.

Obviously I have bpd. but. i miss my ex so much.

We hadn’t talked in 6 months, and she texted me late last night with “👀”. That was it. so i replied, said “bruh. did you really just text me to block me?” those messages delivered, so i said “idk if you blocked me for sure, but if you texted me to be mean to me just don’t text me please.” 

I didn’t hear from her, so a few hours later I texted her and said “why did you text me?” and that hasn’t delivered yet and that was 7 ish hours ago. So I’m assuming she blocked me again. 

Our relationship was very rocky and it didn’t last long, it was super intense. She was really mean to me, telling me to kill myself, telling me she never wanted to talk to me again, told me I was disposable, etc. Literally was just mean. All the time. Like it was a personality trait. 

I just miss her and I wanna know why she texted me, but I have no other way of contacting her. I know it would be bad but I do still love her. She made it clear that she never wanted anything to do with me, so I respected that and hadn’t texted her. I wanted to. But i didn’t. And then she texts me out of nowhere. I want her to answer, but I don’t want to go all crazy on her because I feel like i’ve changed. Either way I’m sad and I miss her and I don’t really know what to do. 

I just have that BPD feeling where I can’t do anything, can’t get out of bed, can’t eat, bc i’m so wrecked over someone I love bc they won’t talk to me. It’s a weird feeling. 

Anyways. What should I do?",-0.7443681318681321,1.0911822554945054,1.5743846153846164,99.9831153846154,87.7087912087912,5.0685714285714285,16.792307692307688,6.385866456164764,-0.5933426373626376,1247,28,326,13,40,420,143,364,0.13,0.754,0.11599999999999999,0.5942,0,2,0,0,0,1,50.0,3,4,1,1,19,17,2,0,4,0,38,3,0,1,8,63,70,28,1,10,14,3,3,2,0,3,0,4,1,1,18,18,1,3,11,0,0,1,17,10,0,0,21,7,78,7,28,44,7,31,0,6,0,2,47,6,0,3,24,216,96,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096690422983338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587149138936866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415225289192881,0.08051886080071652,0.0587856355361765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643679989316761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102015017338135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986766681220954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755006749908606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628069002902938,0.06889289569178023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038309698002105,0.0,0.054806004070948384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868879998703077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899373064494032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066905941118107,0.0,0.1589937983392008,0.15721413576334411,0.10878242632683348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422614643558246,0.0,0.0,0.08534158412958145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407197852589246,0.09124874780477436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151366422047555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394635130080445,0.0,0.07089052503784528,0.0,0.14875261312629484,0.0,0.0,0.09049733705454834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420297084357524,0.0,0.1058562292416044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533541743972654,0.0,0.0,0.1035346680281281,0.0,0.0,0.2751941564464844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170872148316659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701279409875855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088846684658153,0.0,0.0,0.23253142967477625,0.1685761774086071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623178928363045,0.0,0.0,0.09214739048398868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956864235003303,0.2843981205718397,0.15309058960056554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403444952553615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850437118963966,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexia66,2019/09/14,"Psychiatrist called me emotionally a child Despite at first bristling in anger, at his harsh directness at this /insult/ -who me? A child, how dare you compare me to the maturity of a thirteen year old, I began to see the many comparisons not just in the traits of MY personality but certainly of my two ex boyfriends. 

xxxxxx’s complete and utter disregard for the people he abused along the path of getting what he wanted next (selfishness, cruelty, self-righteousness), number twos almost delusional outrage when he couldn’t have his way (overreacting toddlers throwing tempers) and his terrifying change in temperament when he could  (Failure to grasp emotional stability flitting between reality and realities created in the head). My own pathetically desperate seeks for attention and to please, the former which is what we do from the very screaming moment of birth. And as we develop, what most of us mature and outgrow. Upon reflection it makes sense, however much disgust and self hatred that takes to admit. 

His next question was what happened at that age to cause such a problematic stunting. What happened for you?",13.12736842105263,11.269540342105264,11.683026315789473,53.60243421052633,53.47368421052632,15.18421052631579,49.53947368421053,13.624085052395262,6.936052631578948,915,49,131,27,8,290,133,190,0.223,0.6990000000000001,0.078,-0.9902,1,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,3,2,0,1,5,8,5,0,12,0,6,1,1,3,1,28,15,12,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,11,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,2,2,2,16,1,28,11,3,23,0,0,1,0,23,9,0,3,12,92,27,0,0.0,0.1880483565478255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892764016359573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620632049564628,0.0,0.0,0.16304145418930333,0.16789677771274925,0.0,0.16640703388206055,0.0,0.0,0.12671901461267004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35706039489182045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350007692018375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292072926965331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806978745722684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288481087901147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594182443073782,0.16090956144223134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667194727584396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375850830571328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654206769533195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003126192331544,0.13858163089476874,0.0,0.17421866166603742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777943201384767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355396055809286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264733118437287,0.0,0.3311434973751029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933204602346588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503904812243566,0.0,0.19091159260610266,0.0,0.0,0.13095443206433485,0.09361274305978916,0.125978592969721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220564472569907
bpd,edi-94,2019/09/14,"I repeatedly ruin my life. Quick snapshot of how it all goes :Yesterday was payday, day drank and drank till about 5am this morning. Had shit tons of coke. Argued with my friend. Cried and thought about offing myself.

Spent £230 just in a few hours and now I'm overdrawn with no way to fix it.

I'm sick of fucking up my life and 9f thinking about killing myself all day every day.",1.1372582972582992,3.5730911818181847,2.151861471861473,94.87318903318905,85.23376623376623,4.461183261183262,20.243867243867246,5.82211442006289,-0.10139422799422748,299,9,63,2,9,94,57,77,0.253,0.711,0.036000000000000004,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,4,0,1,0,2,8,1,1,2,12,10,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,6,0,6,1,13,4,4,12,0,1,0,1,2,2,2,0,9,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29330883797894003,0.5166172648729063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497579458640915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629892370474925,0.2468556084135187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629608288869991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29541797329385344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772081249010152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740921052324568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109557953079946,0.0,0.2119839858363844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194797951337704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stopitma,2019/09/14,"Does anyone else freeze/panic during sex? (advice super welcome). I'm posting this here because it got downvoted and ignored in r/sex. Not sure why.

I was sexually assaulted about ten years ago and since then, I occasionally freeze up during sex--can't move, can't hardly talk, and it takes quite a while for me to be able to speak normally afterward. It comes on quickly and without much warning at all. It used to happen very infrequently (like once a year or less), but I've been seeing someone new and it's already happened twice this month.

My partner is really understanding and stops right away and says it's okay but I am worried it's going to keep happening and that eventually he'll get sick of sex getting halted without warning. That he'll get sick of me. I'm also terrified of being in headspace where I can't move or speak, and of him eventually losing patience while I'm in that headspace. I don't know what to do.",5.459500000000002,6.4320972833333325,6.190000000000001,77.40000000000002,67.83333333333334,8.888888888888891,31.66666666666667,9.075114841892004,2.7033333333333336,741,30,137,13,12,243,118,180,0.161,0.7909999999999999,0.049,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,1,0,2,1,10,4,0,1,2,27,30,17,0,1,7,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,0,1,13,10,0,4,2,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,3,6,9,5,20,23,3,25,0,1,1,2,9,9,0,2,12,80,22,0,0.14065014361383044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744169251584565,0.12467786596960595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521093096524294,0.11247786903248293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834585069351842,0.14411269339735974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214543984479848,0.0,0.0,0.08573902207955611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115764470848303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308388850105488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174951471571214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045168475288748,0.0,0.07993471789957136,0.0,0.11249076848312256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731293724804333,0.0,0.12599490217432574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501631012770564,0.0,0.0,0.07729764061113283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687145556565446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573515337904709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226560275191737,0.2989776874726064,0.1033940389691068,0.0,0.0,0.13584078514875708,0.0,0.0,0.1378072778884625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978781262462107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470395829133727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495987407016961,0.0,0.0,0.09010408355178033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011445414688285,0.0,0.1118506394851174,0.0,0.0,0.11207995442474188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634725223584055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191724102570309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758981795769362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256109582995762,0.0,0.1057514038712544,0.11304925770404806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642175979572528,0.0,0.12147656512162515,0.0,0.11605109855606582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269148778810996,0.0,0.0,0.2711634386633062,0.0,0.0,0.14283704816028636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114816218241905
bpd,meganthelion,2019/09/14,"What’s the difference between BPD and RSD? I recently came across the term RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) which is an intense emotional response caused by the perception that you have disappointed others in your life and that, because of that disappointment, they have withdrawn their love, approval, or respect. It’s usually a symptom of people with ADHD.

But the thing is, this sounds very similar to something someone with BPD would experience. At least, in my case. Many people, mainly women, are misdiagnosed with BPD due to this overlap with RSD and the stigma of the emotional side of ADHD which is often overlooked. 

Is RSD only a symptom of ADHD? Is there a way for someone with BPD to have RSD without ADHD? Or is RDP only ADHD specific, but people with BPD go through a similar experience just without the name of RDP?

(I hope this makes sense)",7.4889473684210515,8.866726842105265,7.572210526315793,67.84647368421055,63.47368421052632,10.553684210526317,37.56842105263158,10.577609850970193,4.49440052631579,688,34,104,17,10,222,90,152,0.034,0.868,0.098,0.8406,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,2,1,3,6,0,0,12,0,11,4,0,2,0,24,16,7,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,12,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,7,3,25,14,3,13,0,3,0,1,7,6,0,4,4,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5599479056064179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056804366025880224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5868126623862946,0.0,0.0,0.10657816781597583,0.0,0.09572608249462168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735790017617524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963989181114068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230451417726212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052958861246744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255316870619468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581892148606219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410258979805434,0.0,0.062201333246896924,0.09447439014441147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174192213230688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380706044787568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200838666625254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579097369723999,0.07173792982996319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370861310154916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061907597306770576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262948899212697,0.07688691706755693,0.0,0.07396546628671484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965293805630628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619554828210256,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bitchiminsecure,2019/09/14,"Sex aversion/sex repulsion How many of you experience sex aversion? Tell me about your situation. 
Are you on the ACE spectrum?
Would you say it is a result of trauma?
Do you ever engage in sexual activity?",1.940087719298248,4.7489863421052645,4.890526315789477,71.280350877193,93.47368421052632,7.796491228070176,24.75438596491228,8.344100000000001,2.88182807017544,163,7,26,5,6,58,31,38,0.158,0.785,0.057,-0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,1,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37029070829112976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004338757908568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150280795759103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32554051527654765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601392230227206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35779979640149456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907985035733052,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kklejs,2019/09/14,"I miss my old FP He left me and I feel like I’ll never get over him. When I see couples hugging Or kissing I feel such deep pain and anxiety because I remember how he held me and kissed me and how I can never get it back. I just wanna scream. I’m doing no contact the best I can (but we shared pets and he will have to come get the cat at some point) but everything I see in the outside world reminds me of him and I don’t enjoy being with my friend even though I love her, it was just easier when I knew he was waiting for me at home. He was my everything he was my fresh air and my home. I’ve never really felt suicidal but now I do all the time especially when I’m out with people because they can’t live up to the life I had with him. I miss him excruciatingly ...",1.2232142857142847,2.523062511904765,3.629285714285718,90.4157142857143,78.64285714285714,6.942857142857143,21.523809523809533,7.7094869923839395,0.6393166666666668,594,16,142,9,14,207,96,168,0.085,0.706,0.21,0.9772,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,1,12,13,0,0,5,0,14,6,0,2,4,34,31,17,1,1,6,0,3,1,1,1,2,1,3,0,2,13,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,8,6,32,9,14,21,3,22,0,2,2,4,17,11,0,2,11,97,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387113076307915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245092735229919,0.0,0.1974142791012462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992885569951707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394828661886105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916541244455453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069490279018539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910530284884215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374690123486785,0.11567827084067565,0.155472074072763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510179185698253,0.0,0.253795234460247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248451988502753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593049354125384,0.0,0.1143714457659168,0.07910770463484065,0.0,0.14298152842584455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614239447691685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746564481728159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991160710763253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229815463633097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122574542527756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530701650070495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373242117193776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342790324838826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580643313604668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711816568689115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908914051342304,0.0,0.0944189685350054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shesinadeadfunk,2019/09/14,"I’ve recently joined this sub and I just want to cry with relief reading everybody’s posts and comments. I feel so known and seen for the first time in my life. Thank you all for sharing and for being the amazing BPD people you are. We might suffer big time but we also have the capacity to love and care like no other people do, I’ve seen so much kindness and encouragement here it kinda makes me proud to have BPD?! 🙈😂

I hope to be able to share and help out in the future, for now I’m a timid lurker getting to know you all. 

Cheesy rant over x",0.5634247491638789,2.788947643478263,2.327826086956524,94.12919732441476,85.6086956521739,4.929765886287626,17.54180602006689,6.297961479604792,-0.2963578595317724,429,10,95,4,13,141,81,115,0.08800000000000001,0.599,0.313,0.9864,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,3,0,2,6,14,0,1,5,0,7,2,0,1,2,23,19,11,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,10,12,15,14,3,12,0,1,2,1,11,5,0,3,7,59,13,1,0.1986565147969526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886554311050102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004018521715641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025435565981654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182148533131592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044670284174237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897713000256026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037898297361301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133155274368786,0.0,0.0,0.19731074333242246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687019007290244,0.1091764252157157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031697137219745,0.09705353860163482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792952606724229,0.0,0.13260476622008416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074316877085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603539608731206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754468283445716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025802744278025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987102740711612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196149342261473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828962284805319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316764226629529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171727594400622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xJamieLeeeee,2019/09/14,"Beginning a new job while dealing with my BPD A little background about myself, I’m 18 and was diagnosed with BPD around two and a half years ago (along w a few other things), which is uncommon due to being young and all. I take about five/six medications daily to regulate my emotions and such. 
During my senior year of HS, i worked at the corporate office for Shell doing administrative work, as an intern. My internship expired this year on August 9th, meaning i had to soon find another job. 

I was very lucky and even blessed to find a wonderful job to work for Aflac Insurance Company as a business consultant/insurance agent. I’ve never been down that kind of path so i didn’t necessarily know what to expect.. I had doubt in myself due to that, and thinking i simply wasn’t capable of doing such a job. However, after the interview, I was so excited! The job seemed exactly like something i wanted to do - helping people out and just meeting new people and connecting w them. I was scared at the same time though, it was a group interview and the other people along side me seemed way more qualified.. one of them even already worked in the industry and had his insurance license, I thought i wouldn’t get the job, but! the next day they contacted me for a second interview and at the end, they congratulated me and said I got the position! I was so elated. I told my entire family and my friends. 

This is where it got rocky... my family had no faith in me, they didn’t think i was suited for the job and they said my disorder would get in the way and i’d just end up losing the job anyways. I was crushed by these comments. Saying i wouldn’t be able to function well in this job just due to me disorder? it made me feel so sucky about myself and threw me off into some sadness. It made me grow reluctant to even continue on w the job anymore. 

I haven’t started the job yet and i’ve been extremely sad lately about the comments and thinking if i really am suited for this job.. i was so determined after the interview but their words just destroyed it and now i’m skeptical. 

Any kind words or encouraging statements would really be appreciated, i just want to get the comments of my family out of my head..

TL;DR - Family has no faith in me w my new job due to my disorder & discouraged me greatly. Just seeking some support from others in this situation!",4.9261844978165925,6.100700054585153,6.1202592794759845,76.67549808951965,69.19650655021834,9.917139737991267,30.033024017467252,10.125756701596842,3.093181004366812,1867,72,349,48,32,626,220,458,0.111,0.775,0.114,-0.3866,14,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,7,5,28,21,2,2,28,0,33,3,1,2,3,70,62,32,0,8,10,0,1,1,1,4,2,3,0,0,19,27,0,1,13,0,0,2,9,8,1,4,27,4,55,13,57,28,6,56,3,4,0,0,26,22,0,9,31,252,74,24,0.05760522002523676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106355185228477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635687927423877,0.0,0.0,0.06241523183013732,0.0,0.03917352498432606,0.06040409588812121,0.0,0.0,0.0571288992806647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128085883832563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451035161109206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03715060135532726,0.05938845240929595,0.0,0.05846808574525982,0.0,0.0,0.19806171849340828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479811907774702,0.10204225361440658,0.0,0.0,0.1141431136166991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722029882600108,0.0,0.029126930087957564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530025499302753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450565009557128,0.0,0.09028904968622782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214431358235807,0.063509958442115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911957485227255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861156471699236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7431357991691535,0.0,0.0,0.11997394425239255,0.03165832241921817,0.0,0.06498119729524009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028143000752275084,0.05773556389958572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444550636361558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090149040476591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274897215640728,0.0,0.058031198798911124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442869693263098,0.16690644138366031,0.06126380501381201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03903478792391248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980861917561995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380675802825461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959151141330437,0.04580998306830062,0.05767287455714649,0.0,0.0,0.1048832576204353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064750680872472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434731271184509,0.0,0.0,0.040773271226302886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653697210318968,0.0,0.0,0.04331195640089102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038270348524270234,0.1107332969860004,0.05659683619711791,0.045732110134520616,0.0335900670456237,0.0,0.0,0.055044256351584685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627192959881126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753033942750445,0.0679541025413425,0.09144868470749573,0.0,0.0,0.05179401091149726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247040384320063,0.16774914501292645,0.0,0.0,0.08184219106284597,0.0,0.0,0.11128761910477797
bpd,Eltsuba,2019/09/14,"I have an impulsive urge to quit my job for a minor inconvenience I have never been able to keep my jobs before, but I've managed to stay +2 years in my current job. It's been all good, but a few days ago one of my co-workers treated me unfairly (imo) and I'm so ashamed and angry about it that I've felt that I should quit just for getting a revenge or something like that. I just hate it how BPD makes me act and think like a petty child whenever something like this happens. 

My co-worker happens to be the type who just can't speak her mind, so she complains about her co-workers behind their backs to vent her frustrations. My rational mind understands that I'm not the only one who goes through this treatment. She's not my boss per se, but she's my senior and I'm just a part-timer. She snapped at me a few days ago because I've apparently been neglecting something I should've been prioritizing higher at work, but the thing is... she's never told me I should've done that before? This feels so unfair because it feels like she's been there for so long that she no longer realises that not everyone has the some routines and that I can't read her mind. Whenever I'm about to leave from work, I ask her ""Is there anything else I should do before I leave?"" and she always says no and then proceeds to complain to other people how I'm lazy because I can't read her mind? She even said that she's held back from bringing it up because she fears conflict, which I totally get, I'm very similar person in that way, but I also feel like it's kind of her responsibility as the senior employee to keep me updated about my responsibilities and not have me guess them and then snap at me when I guess them wrong.

I said her that I can't read her mind, but we never really talked about it before she left for vacation for two weeks. I was holding back a panic attack for the rest of my shift. She totally noticed that and asked me if I was upset, but she sounded so passive-aggressive and I feared I'd start to cry so I just said no and we left it there. Part of me is relieved, since I hope to calm down before she comes back, but another part of me is so freaking mad about this. I'm paranoidically waiting for my boss to call me or even fire me (because that co-worker has doubtedly gone to complain to her as well) and I feel like I should be the one who acts first and quit the job I was so lucky to land on as a mentally ill person with a several years gap in my CV. 

I know it's my emotions speaking, but it's just so frustrating. It's been days already, why can't I calm down? I may forget the incident for an hour or two, then it rushes back and I'm suddenly trembling out of shame and anger. I feel like I'm the worst employee ever and never deserved the job in the first place and that it's all my fault and that I'm such a waste of space and I should run away from the conflict and quit now before it gets worse.",4.839583562145343,4.714246031301485,5.6434939593629885,84.63299858136557,68.9176276771005,8.853175910671792,28.88747025443895,8.515128840125781,1.8143589968881568,2299,73,503,32,36,754,244,607,0.22399999999999998,0.71,0.066,-0.9988,9,0,3,0,0,0,52.0,2,0,3,8,39,38,6,8,25,0,32,1,0,5,9,97,75,53,0,6,23,0,7,7,0,5,1,7,0,3,39,26,0,8,9,3,0,7,16,22,1,7,17,14,85,16,58,51,11,61,0,1,0,0,50,18,0,11,41,338,124,17,0.05720714873943005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142137135132824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312951117983041,0.04574853617854864,0.04760093052034209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059986683436478075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047076609047579536,0.0,0.10696192334788032,0.0650813903832402,0.05374799938487538,0.2199438309703447,0.0,0.17436473446999504,0.0,0.29207442042993953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205040120613272,0.0,0.058414895005628714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927889317189193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283936664950644,0.11068163492279323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854277505824619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047789232110799766,0.06435034246014475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556956441784815,0.051747141205889316,0.0,0.054663882179026194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874789373185402,0.14462826642574916,0.1634751939599105,0.05492783406876792,0.0,0.0,0.09732074298694744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966512223508509,0.0,0.0,0.04798264218784572,0.0,0.0,0.1260402478549186,0.0,0.10117618540153593,0.0,0.0,0.056480215747602064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681960671283533,0.056337518005764066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838463395801246,0.10169668461863007,0.0,0.05957244213888845,0.031439552851002285,0.0,0.0,0.1211482209097175,0.12431146898249774,0.0,0.0,0.19563966260571067,0.0,0.0,0.05062652643040922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818621600435966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765135066436411,0.0,0.2888145615094003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176486719266802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513071800626997,0.0,0.0,0.116295133555452,0.043508614469187586,0.0,0.06712026307695201,0.0,0.1858493018665642,0.0,0.039660233884144136,0.09990215139335837,0.05976929451176648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433873778060421,0.17166788941899142,0.0,0.0366483643552417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325129626932833,0.04549342080441562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462779470805748,0.0,0.04732234459961993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212257396408295,0.0,0.0,0.04049151432134724,0.060975208902891424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045980939188473735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038005887650088124,0.03665603098880257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054663882179026194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176614358919644,0.05955465935620623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720188892731632,0.0,0.0454083718957677,0.045888124036753096,0.0,0.05143609701911748,0.0,0.051620553734555374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498849136969492,0.0,0.058298971908925974,0.0,0.06254703661790613,0.0,0.07367905635629249
bpd,nickgottaplaysumdbz,2019/09/14,"2 people that are close with bpd Hi everyone so to begin. I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and have started my therapy sessions and most likely soon to start medication of some kind, I also suffer with other health problems which I am dealing with. My favourite person also has bpd and has a lot of moments where she goes into psychosis, has hallucinations, and does things on the spot without thinking, she has recently just moved away which is completely heart breaking but a dreams a dream, who would want to ruin that. My question to everyone is, how can 2 people who suffer with BPD help each other from a distance and every so often when they come together. Help as in to comfort, to help them through tough mental times, as emotional support during other health problems without becoming to much or full on. Thank you",10.192005676442767,8.839126516556295,9.311598864711453,66.72410596026491,58.66887417218543,11.807379375591294,40.77672658467361,10.608840637214634,4.464921665089877,668,29,106,12,7,211,101,151,0.11,0.708,0.183,0.899,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,0,10,11,0,0,5,0,13,5,1,1,0,30,21,15,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,10,14,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,11,5,25,19,6,20,0,3,0,0,14,8,0,6,10,87,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018371000253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058450689720821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244209336543388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5675507756499157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704413013211652,0.11811884278444215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614453988757373,0.0,0.11434460137451682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858700143604704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672409232012785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491847913156486,0.21529740439600215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394984925484235,0.0,0.13349922493911467,0.22653507052959004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173150502193457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055038576370058684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577705140696308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349019228810305,0.11353187573936817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197366855368534,0.08281594278879703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620451882707326,0.09836784834511399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559529076314304,0.0,0.0,0.12620175276537693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224706220822537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947857316278358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784196024344105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371953649562132,0.1288332303652977,0.0,0.07484438203667862,0.07218613106824537,0.0,0.0,0.06569127033180704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644808589002593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719487938239546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002838294955521,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,orange_lilly,2019/09/14,"Anyone willing to read my current struggles with BPD is greatly appreciated. Okay, so we shall start with the fact that I just want to fucking die. I've been struggling for so long, and there is no hope in sight of anything improving.

BPD Backstory:
I have been dealing with depression as far back as I can remember into my childhood without any assistance/support from my parents, seeing as they would brush it off as hormones. I always had hope that things would get better, though they never did, and the consistent shattering of hope took it's toll. Eventually it got to the point that my parents couldn't deny I was struggling with more than just puberty and after dropping out of college, I began seeing a psychiatrist. After many attempts trying to work away at my depression, we came to realize I have BPD.

Fastforward to now (3 years later and many diff medications ago) :
I'm supposed to be on 3 medications right now. (Pristiq, Vraylar, and Welbutrin) I decided the other day I didn't want to take them anymore, though, bc my parents are constantly invalidating me bc of my meds. If I have a bad day or mood, then I must've missed medication, despite anything that I say and they just ignore me and my issues per usual. I'll be upfront rn, and will admit I regret stopping taking it, though. My head is a mess but I am too stubborn to let anyone irl know I feel this way. As soon as my parents found out I stopping taking them, they berated me. Told me I was only making another mistake of many. So, of course I dug my heels in as they just verbally beat the shit out of me because they're just tired of have to ""deal with me."" Eventually got kicked out after mom made me cry and then she blamed it on my lack of meds, which led to another argument. 

Another source of stress is that, because of my BPD, I am unable to maintain a job. Cannot find it in me enough to force myself to work. I am fully aware of the consequences of not working--can't buy food and starve; can't pay bills and go homeless. Yet, I cannot bring myself to care. I'm absolutely indifferent. I've been spoiled with a safety net my whole life. Can't afford food? Ask mom and dad for cash. Can't afford rent? Move back home.

Well that brings me to where I am now. My parents have decided enough is enough and they will not help me anymore. Honestly, I don't want their help anymore, anyway, seeing as it always came with guilt trips and me being dragged by my parents when I needed something. So, I recently moved outta my parents' and back in with my bf, who I love dearly, to get away from my parents. He has asked that if I live here again, though, that I help with rent, clean the apartment regularly, and not smoke cigarettes at all. All very understandable. But I'm struggling to even do those basic things after having been here for a few weeks. I started strong but I'm wilting quickly.

The same feeling applies to my new job as well. I have work in less than an hour, and I'm fighting with myself to get up and get ready or just call in like I did yesterday. To my defense though, I work with food and honestly have strep or something wrong with my throat. Can't see a doctor, though, because I don't have insurance or money. And I severely need the tips from work as my paycheck was a measly $27 last time and I don't get paid for another 2 weeks. My parents are disappointed in me for not being able to work regularly and have told me so, telling me that I've already had more jobs than they have they're whole lives. 

So, ultimately I know I need to get up and go to work bc I don't want to disappoint my bf and ultimately lead to us breaking up; I don't want to feel guilty for taking anymore handouts (which my parents may not be dishing out, but my grandmother just gave me $60 on account I go into work today); and I'm not even eligible for food stamps or other govt assistance rn. I can't go to DBT either because I have no money/insurance and the closest class is 2.5 hrs away. 

So, overall life's fuckin awful and there's no relief in sight. I'm not really living, just constantly trudging through stress, guilt, anger, denial, and the fear of finally, wholly being abandoned. I can't seem to help my own self and everyone else is tired of trying to drag my dead weight around, too. 

I just want someone to support me for the rest of my life and relieve me of my constant financial stress.

Im a lazy piece of shit. I'm so tired.",4.5594520547945185,5.5041335296803675,5.419753424657536,82.20983561643838,69.8675799086758,8.351415525114154,29.554337899543377,8.59863814320734,2.1486428310502284,3476,131,689,55,60,1137,370,876,0.161,0.7340000000000001,0.105,-0.9952,19,0,4,0,3,0,114.0,3,0,10,13,47,49,8,10,22,2,68,24,5,4,4,131,138,68,2,20,29,13,4,1,2,7,10,1,4,1,25,54,6,6,14,1,9,14,27,30,2,0,24,12,109,18,120,99,17,96,0,7,6,3,49,34,4,12,46,461,134,17,0.04085035220846968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03621137246359669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507937947040375,0.0,0.06798153098186524,0.0,0.0,0.027779640320025483,0.17134062439361614,0.0,0.0,0.1620502902948682,0.05712703216432057,0.0,0.06723271838397217,0.03636547424314447,0.07637912984543861,0.0,0.11514075183366565,0.09423419791966596,0.03410833777372052,0.09960798218808843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036128816859731024,0.0,0.0,0.20579835428878213,0.0,0.041712776948031535,0.09344384053697673,0.04164965660979216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243415515158527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487219371624073,0.052690195418286914,0.08422983878797217,0.07036869699709496,0.0,0.04239621615353346,0.0,0.0,0.041812066463003617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034125227467470695,0.0,0.0,0.1266280014564445,0.0,0.05396254472969371,0.0,0.0,0.03903426213857755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045968003308473074,0.06196549647705206,0.0,0.0,0.04474956409493741,0.03733648185201219,0.0,0.19758563216566008,0.044790302693678695,0.0,0.03776549236292436,0.12805573795689246,0.0,0.09286478622723757,0.0,0.06534351682361329,0.04503765752424981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192424669278736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095245199874767,0.0,0.04097623399922545,0.12172085120716206,0.04022936824852134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412539034078105,0.04263715445094327,0.12161301376246672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044900570489541804,0.03329848927378253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04177225282919976,0.08656143555984634,0.019957418658066124,0.0,0.1082148282396758,0.03615127621887874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036869037772378224,0.03865359097984886,0.027267927307337,0.12424753626923216,0.0,0.0,0.09075106450183124,0.12345729652503827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568687757514092,0.0,0.08683491905463492,0.0,0.09087005564894077,0.031506309967503206,0.03945352471759669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031068533641911776,0.0,0.0,0.4535948181425427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861678683771992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040861406893930856,0.0,0.02616978165779609,0.0,0.04033479458265296,0.0,0.04627548575195371,0.034885977583500725,0.0,0.03248583968925517,0.0,0.0,0.13020976718888244,0.03718862641865965,0.04261582648420868,0.046149270405101535,0.08386459901331808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0346123708618329,0.06289719379543576,0.0,0.0,0.057828179097527535,0.0,0.0,0.06830544720793688,0.1403818213076069,0.17082263076266588,0.0,0.0,0.09271299117519227,0.0,0.0,0.1228575238868387,0.0,0.0357050083823605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054278317682752465,0.0,0.24081158181752785,0.0,0.023820168882589025,0.14085441160219644,0.03872135738731839,0.0780685242771551,0.04538624438299699,0.055469415324013886,0.0,0.0,0.042526657314064485,0.04913794393558461,0.0,0.0449908916633402,0.033705818766963214,0.14456757677211374,0.032425108155700884,0.06553537697274803,0.0497447238409567,0.07345874513098134,0.0,0.0,0.0912159187811515,0.0,0.039378281780746746,0.0,0.23791634346490065,0.0,0.0,0.05803783631006775,0.04466344734423782,0.0,0.02630628749084744
bpd,DeadEyebrowsOnFleek,2019/09/14,"Why choose unsurety? (I am not sure if this complies with the subreddit rules regarding suicide, am just posting this here to seek advice if anyone has felt the same. If it does not, I will remove it, sorry!)

For the first time in a long time I feel better. I feel less willing to kill myself. 

This was after my suicide attempt yesterday almost succeeded, and after I was told I might have BPD (he says I do). He gave me a dosage of 200mg carbamazepine. I don't believe the doc though and I won't take the drug yet, I'll have to get a second opinion on that. I won't let him give me hope when he could be wrong.

Unfortunately though, it does give me hope, even though I don't want it to. Maybe these emotional thunderstorms I suffered these past 5 years will not hurt me anymore, maybe I can calm them, manage them.

But even if I could, what does it matter?

I know how to properly kill myself now, if I tried again, I won't fail.

Even though I feel better now, and I can breathe again... Even if I'm not too tired to get through the next 5 years anymore... Why should I?

Why choose to live, and be unsure of how your life or where your life can go, when you can just decide for yourself by ending it?

I have nothing I would live for. I don't care for most things in life... Sure, I love playing some of the video games I play, seeing one of my favorite bands live would be fantastic, but all these things... They're not quite worth living for. Even when I was in love I was still ready to leave him and die. Same goes for my family. You can't live for anyone, you can only live for yourself.

Why live when you could die?

This is what has been going through my head since I woke up after yesterday. I used to be sure, damn sure that I wanted to kill myself for so long, I was living in hell.

But now? I'm stuck at the crossroads.

I don't know what to do anymore...",1.9895541805489465,3.654187335078531,2.9486292241789656,94.5400563223862,77.48167539267016,5.991559574805647,20.21450103125496,6.714681859716394,0.057351483420593485,1430,33,325,13,33,454,178,382,0.156,0.743,0.10099999999999999,-0.9817,0,0,1,0,0,5,65.0,0,6,2,7,28,24,5,0,11,0,44,9,2,3,5,58,72,26,7,16,17,0,4,0,0,10,5,1,0,0,20,6,0,0,9,5,1,3,13,9,0,3,11,6,53,15,38,43,6,38,1,3,1,2,22,8,2,14,26,223,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600689404677887,0.0,0.0,0.06763932924676308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096769632761774,0.09446193549921543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610319986450685,0.0,0.11948101760477535,0.0,0.0,0.08507404521187953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886944809108916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179418147256494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020783100324052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177334512660007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833396223449789,0.0,0.0,0.07598214378004473,0.05982727042174516,0.0,0.0,0.22307330813929035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367802110713427,0.0,0.102462538480127,0.0,0.06485644716381166,0.0,0.0,0.057456094277935466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058183840996242,0.1295959421337714,0.0767779028106463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693234942707333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418034346760918,0.0,0.0,0.07231127933220194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419478133059675,0.0,0.0742449700740815,0.0,0.0,0.0715233298529836,0.0,0.06907216606419896,0.14313295182312302,0.0,0.0,0.4771673111873098,0.11955529258300505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192899004292075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357216176648391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716575040252214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183781423480694,0.0,0.0,0.06481390215060924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577211361489717,0.0513731189902499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448198474195532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469208680323063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184536254084592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053716693780582116,0.0,0.0,0.053826823149961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587620910648775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561419253697954,0.0,0.0,0.0539437322673293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777258260858994,0.0,0.2546518759193578,0.0,0.05078751274707453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975146703238622,0.0,0.2654613440408877,0.0,0.07877528978208921,0.07763621902193305,0.0,0.06454478401377027,0.0,0.04586049838406223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833958107162654,0.0,0.0,0.07968284362614116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438054055916637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596798822431604,0.07385287704196586,0.0,0.08699709185089614
bpd,m3oweth,2019/09/14,"it's actually really hard to stop being a chameleon like. it's actually really hard to admit to differing opinions, it's hard to put boundaries in place when someone is pushing it, it's hard to call people out, it's hard to admit to the full depth of how deep my hate of things are, it's hard to stop smiling and lightening my voice tone and cracking jokes when all i want to do is bash my head against a wall. it's hard to just relax and accept my state, it's hard to tell that person who seems really cool who likes me that i am actually so different in how i view things and operate compared to them. it's not easy. i thought finding my true identity would set me free, but i underestimated my freeze/fawn response. in a way, it's kind of worse now that i know, because i'm more aware of how frequently i fool people in one way or another. that's not who i want to be. i feel stuck.",7.877743243243241,5.072481983783785,8.545506756756762,74.98366554054058,64.29729729729729,12.277027027027028,36.097972972972975,10.686352973137794,3.4340405405405408,697,24,153,14,8,237,100,185,0.172,0.7070000000000001,0.122,-0.8532,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,1,0,4,1,8,1,1,3,2,29,19,12,0,3,5,0,9,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,20,5,0,2,8,2,1,2,2,2,0,1,2,12,18,10,23,14,3,22,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,3,8,93,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.3016897107677399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805830920284648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281913688854933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522693412870968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533342192613972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210585095758655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941870525986368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7385100333525357,0.10174185781683864,0.1057603992808706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731210668496717,0.05663431829449881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006913532094875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983025109691561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288563963194406,0.08998045021712663,0.10766671096306987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359505391986902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805197055797386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381406439012356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731506112034186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723110595810097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007140833123023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692545491603153,0.0,0.0,0.08181124847175268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215646938514705,0.1635947050117093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501811355204753,0.07320471118454913,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,atramentous_,2019/09/14,"Does anybody else understand when people need to take breaks, but wish they would just be upfront and say something? I only recently was diagnosed with BPD, and it's been a struggle trying not to obsess over it. I've always understood I could come on a little strongly, and with my friends I would always tell them that if I ever did anything out of line, or if they ever wanted some time away for a bit, to just be upfront and tell me. I don't mind the reality of people needing space, but being ghosted and lied to about them just ""being busy"" for months on end, when they have time to reply to others and hang out with them, really sends me spiraling. 

Instead of just being told ""Hey, this put a bad taste in my mouth, I need a little space for a while."" Which would suck, but I would understand – I get nothing but completely normal behavior and then they drop off the face of the earth, leaving me to cycle through the feelings of abandonment, anger, and sadness while trying to figure out what exactly the issue is. 

Worse yet, if they do decide to reach out, I'm normally told that *I* dropped off the face of the earth (my number hasn't changed in like...10 years.) or that it was weird of me to feel jilted after being ghosted for a month or two.",9.640775510204083,6.4869565265306175,9.088265306122448,73.54137755102042,61.28571428571429,11.922448979591836,37.1530612244898,9.642632912329526,3.3533183673469384,979,31,190,13,10,314,138,245,0.14400000000000002,0.8,0.055999999999999994,-0.9792,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,8,1,11,10,2,2,14,0,20,5,3,0,3,56,37,23,2,15,15,0,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,10,16,1,1,7,0,0,4,3,8,0,1,7,4,24,2,39,19,2,39,0,2,0,0,16,16,1,7,16,141,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937569253442856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581135205745593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938911267469448,0.0,0.09721356021539714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271105857204496,0.0,0.1466385641511421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316670817562432,0.10029348923415407,0.1220738531122306,0.0,0.0,0.0929592819214436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817323759124952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188802098274903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972616982182308,0.0,0.10312175716903337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106338440406112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774025387403682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995294947420703,0.0,0.06082947750872655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215218873792054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232817643363396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688145031666177,0.2333853904469125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756035191119894,0.0,0.1858654325619602,0.0,0.0,0.2589924400658123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815188879826226,0.11171700516564616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885496908714538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143476381292807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704355388561215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458755867528903,0.0,0.11495983791263767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258921245972716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963292460887838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171713124784422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754030594749361,0.0,0.2035285920643237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578166355515767,0.0,0.0,0.22250627503729487,0.0,0.15809563580868982,0.0,0.11373445908886305,0.24241390999391504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867298802893718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388789115349134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186513522354268,0.33083199376823225,0.0,0.0,0.0749766194999216
bpd,eggyallanpoe,2019/09/14,"DAE make it a rule to not be in a relationship? In relationships, I notice that I get incredibly more mentally ill and I find myself almost kind of going crazy and saying and doing things that don’t represent me, but represent my illness. My BPD gets substantially worse in relationships and I don’t know why but that is my trigger. I know BPD has been called “the angel of death card for relationships”. Ive set a rule to myself to not be in anymore relationships but I find myself becoming lonely as all my other friends have so’s but I can’t. Does anyone ever do this too with relationships? And how do you cope with it?",2.4111601513240863,4.951421049180329,4.512622950819676,79.42436948297608,80.31147540983606,7.688272383354351,22.499369482976046,8.617729084823388,1.7788617906683477,496,16,94,12,13,170,75,122,0.16899999999999998,0.7979999999999999,0.033,-0.9517,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,13,2,0,3,2,23,19,12,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,17,2,13,16,2,7,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,1,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188794401135568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207164509704441,0.08511151155363991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344334266394181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30661156977991033,0.0,0.12429273367238347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652056720594193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101053702072232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225051283868036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940428433825631,0.0,0.12719042699176028,0.0,0.06917795329513274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675571332053007,0.13379149167046914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125100927303977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266809643822064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385823767425138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7841093198480628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967989694296985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086731425640246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983602275980836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240460774285682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candifice151,2019/09/14,"University psychologist said that I have predominant and clear BPD symptoms, friends have other things to say. One thing which should be known: My university psychologist wont diagnose me officially because he doesnt have the resources available at the university.  However he gave me an outline of the BPD-focused psychotherapy methods he will use to help me and has identified at least 90% of my symptoms as those of BPD. I cant afford to go to another psychologist since my parents are stingy about mental health, they wouldnt allow.  (I'll try someday.)

I was discussing about this with a friend and he outright told me that I dont seem to be BPD because 'you act normal, I've known you for so long'. It made me question myself. So I asked ANOTHER friend and that friend got super rude. He literally said 'you should stop imposing mental illnesses on yourself, BPD occurs with schizophrenia and you dont seem have to any of them'. He also said that BPD patients are always admitted to mental hospitals and since I'm out and about, I cant have BPD. This friend also self-diagnoses himself with a mental illness. Other friends keep saying that they've never seen me go all berserk on them so they doubt that anything is wrong with me. Some just generally make me feel like shit for even talking about BPD. Now I dont feel like talking to anyone about what/how/why I feel the way I do because I fear that theyll label me as dramatic and an attention-seeker.

I started researching on BPD symptoms. And while I could relate to each of those symptoms to my experiences and emotions and thought process, relationships (etc etc), I feel like I'm just 'pretending' to be BPD. I mean my psychologist didnt diagnose me officially so maybe that's possible? Idk I feel all over the place and so confused because now I think that nothing is mentally wrong with me and I was just born this way and self-destruction is in my nature. I know that it's my fault I'm talking to friends about mental illnesses and how to deal with them but I'm super super confused. Idk what to do and this sub-reddit was the only place I felt like conveying my thoughts/feelings at. I feel all over the place, maybe even disgusted with myself but only because of what my friends said. I'm questioning everything about myself. I'm also sorry in advance if this comes off as 'trying to belong to a mental illness' thing. I'm honestly not, I just want to help myself and be okay. I promise I dont 'romanticize' mental illnesses. 

I dont know what to do. Even talking to the psychologist makes me nervous because I think that he'll one day tell me how I'm wasting his time and my friends were right all along. But it also makes me mad with rage that people think I'm an open book and that they know me better than most just because I had a deep chat with them once upon a time. Each and everyone of them think that they are an expert on me. But I dont really go against them because they're my friends and I dont want to come off as rude or condescending. 

P.s: I added the 'seeking support' flair because I actually am seeking support but maybe it's also a vent. I apologize if I got the flair wrong.",4.707824828085418,6.143882022801307,5.451854505971769,80.27774556641334,69.9771986970684,8.51966702859211,30.745421643141512,8.96741613852259,2.5704879189287007,2518,105,476,47,45,818,242,614,0.121,0.754,0.125,0.8009,3,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,0,4,11,5,29,39,6,5,20,1,43,13,1,8,6,103,98,46,0,9,14,1,7,4,10,7,12,6,0,0,34,37,0,2,23,3,0,7,15,15,0,2,18,14,80,24,67,68,11,41,0,0,1,0,59,21,1,12,15,310,114,3,0.0,0.0,0.039573665510163024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621502259280978,0.03374316331406617,0.0,0.0,0.02757728243498049,0.08504625576599845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02835544813609448,0.0,0.033371484338653334,0.0,0.03791137703045279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222485396079744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03586564027124068,0.0,0.0,0.5107480942423085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986526196268228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03237809668851767,0.0,0.0,0.02615318959973993,0.041808137667540775,0.0,0.12348066057431616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326929101123493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561642159538912,0.0,0.0,0.0904541433471332,0.08035419032306244,0.0,0.0,0.038749921137770565,0.036446225683517,0.03966840235227908,0.0,0.04563315419516262,0.143532935694362,0.08691274688260432,0.0389370303313357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31330978846786584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914124180199971,0.0,0.06486752880816385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043105711027506786,0.0,0.0,0.05436335003720343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03604517600889176,0.0,0.0,0.06686024546847204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924816371504899,0.0,0.0,0.03588793602753521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837202293829154,0.08120789082667212,0.0,0.12222216081971413,0.044173868150858234,0.0,0.0,0.3269413298402309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0312768055471022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973311627676216,0.03891148812941203,0.0,0.0,0.04318738942563647,0.05495922931612685,0.061684436314754135,0.0,0.0,0.04502906541213647,0.0,0.0,0.028114193029374398,0.0,0.1271070781913715,0.0,0.0,0.04571716863838452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085679376072553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02597915061983613,0.0,0.0,0.043538511509040805,0.0,0.03463185432775665,0.15429992904290976,0.06449839997404737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383545951651929,0.08461079190488716,0.0,0.04162684805568674,0.06709136081056664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539551944397316,0.02870346788693932,0.0,0.0,0.033903941660163237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203763308580468,0.0,0.16859947189552604,0.0,0.13037916052567652,0.03544491898240669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082439943006542,0.10393834125339667,0.0,0.03219437918931017,0.04729330670639069,0.0,0.0,0.038749921137770565,0.0,0.05506535416842152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03502458332270199,0.0,0.0,0.04783816312542821,0.06437782169194999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03659257825397469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330143033973014,0.0,0.0
bpd,Piakim1411,2019/09/14,"Does this sound like BPD experience? I‘m a 20 y/o girl and just now questioning if I might have BPD, although my ex boyfriend suggested this years ago. 

The reason I‘m coming to terms with this now is because, over the last few months, things got kind of extreme. For example, I‘ve always been prone to spending money, often more than I have, but this past year I‘ve just constantly been indebted because I bought clothes and other things which at that moment seem affordable, although it always turns out to be too expensive for me (something I just fail to realise at that moment.)

Another thing is self harm, which got a lot worse especially at parties when I feel like I can’t ‘perform’ the way I should, a.k.a. happy, bubbly, funny, and then start to think no one cares about me and end up hurting myself hiding somewhere. 

My moods are also generally more extreme, like when I’m happy I feel almost like on ecstasy, while when I’m sad a while later I feel like everything is crashing down. Sometimes I even feel like I can’t appreciate enough the people around me and start, involuntarily, to image how they would die, asking myself whether I would feel anything.

I’ve been recently diagnosed with social anxiety, though my therapist doesn’t know all of this. One thing I really didn’t tell anyone because I don’t want to sound stupid is something of a ‘psychotic’ episode, where with some friends I was preparing a party. I had previously heard from a good friend of mine that an old friend of hers was hospitalised after drinking way too much, and she cared very dearly for her, went to the hospital and everything. I know this sounds manipulative and like a really bad thing to do, but I felt like she never cared that way about me, so my mind was just like: Let’s get into hospital and see what she’ll do. Like, to get her attention and comfort. This felt 90% rational to me at that time. Plan was to steal a flask of GHB from my roommate and get a non lethal overdose (this was a drug my friend explicitly warned me from), so that she’d get worried SICK. 
All day, I was running around being really angry with her because I thought she didn’t care about me. I remember running around, preparing stuff, feeling somewhat hazy and thinking like: “Am I going mad right now or does this make sense?” And it didn’t feel really irrational to me. Then at the party my roommate noticed my strange behaviour and followed my every step, so I couldn’t go through with it, though I drank much too much alcohol (not enough for hospital, though). 

Sometime in the morning I went home, my friend didn’t even really say goodbye. She had noticed my mood and did ask multiple times how I felt and she did care, but in the end she just sat there. Now, this whole day seems to be so distant and other-worldly, while at the same time I know this will happen again. I’d call it a traumatic experience if I didn’t know better. 

So long story short, I feel like this isn’t just social anxiety and it kind of freaks me out at the moment. 
Does this sound like BPD and some pseudo-psychotic experience or am I worrying too much? I just want to know if others experienced similar stuff, honestly I just feel alone with this right now and whoever I talk to seems to make much less of it than I feel it is. 
Hope this isn’t too long, just needed this off my chest, thanks for the help <3",6.6957976115650535,6.732396927131788,6.649268803687409,78.43968573224392,65.0,10.197779174523363,31.851037083595227,9.901549036053794,2.874074795725958,2658,93,512,52,37,844,294,645,0.12,0.679,0.201,0.9961,3,3,5,0,0,1,81.0,0,0,1,4,45,45,2,0,23,0,48,7,1,6,4,107,111,50,2,11,19,1,13,13,5,6,4,6,1,2,41,33,3,0,28,1,4,9,15,9,0,2,30,21,71,34,66,69,20,77,0,3,1,0,33,24,0,17,54,346,112,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635891264848923,0.05589052590748796,0.052368769585055416,0.0541648285460169,0.0,0.04182259348773458,0.08703204662201383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054838884161229465,0.08001546579727496,0.0,0.0,0.0365678917118587,0.0,0.043036696852851934,0.1396685954574314,0.09778291094136038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04366654296317217,0.12752120207517836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046253222425559966,0.0,0.0,0.197602036610204,0.0,0.05340197985601672,0.0,0.2666058562892077,0.0,0.0,0.04504999042176827,0.0,0.05651542607248461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745560857390305,0.0,0.0,0.053081244478053284,0.05427693974493747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729867425340306,0.0,0.0,0.05123200962856518,0.06064893405398707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264079270180252,0.10807537446554998,0.0,0.06908450929135503,0.0,0.04406321711477375,0.0,0.09400391964916976,0.15347207717949102,0.0,0.0,0.2644337807860226,0.14944645563369371,0.15064249049111525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202605090155887,0.0,0.10929392924924147,0.0,0.05944417761515474,0.043864978124276206,0.08365477976887746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624684007564178,0.11134412547060547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03505416468314957,0.0,0.05245903492180059,0.0519435923459804,0.0,0.0,0.055985959173743376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892038254175077,0.14370772795787956,0.04262975000800656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347812270817017,0.0,0.3321513146029861,0.0,0.0,0.09256395117568228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044461784990341584,0.0,0.0,0.06981847823729971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547978312509042,0.05280594750487235,0.0,0.04174366661581204,0.0,0.19222478599817427,0.03877821326644978,0.040335346944611015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908295959938275,0.05487782465263917,0.0,0.07087679011643183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499242413983595,0.03625676312115084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058585591375289486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751679643231387,0.053770927942230234,0.051637844454301016,0.0,0.059243299985325924,0.08932420272534611,0.0,0.04158937101820692,0.0,0.0,0.041674637085061465,0.14283006964674733,0.05455809164401871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662219952013302,0.0,0.08052292179560458,0.10344787557248954,0.0,0.0740334132902179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973711443177285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203505267050469,0.04571064977930469,0.04814885886778237,0.0,0.060721866266821724,0.17372192884233334,0.06702073600498433,0.15414719640143748,0.04151867275293091,0.0914859382596174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688507266052476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043151225751918224,0.06169328590642529,0.12453486192375998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696131219543053,0.0,0.058388712208825765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622206575536068,0.05329600478109156,0.07430182290137108,0.0,0.0,0.06735623650389037
bpd,lllama131,2019/09/14,"Are there ways to cope with this disorder without help from others? My life has fallen apart and it continues to fall apart.
I'm not in a place where I can seek help. I have no family or friends to help me.
I haven't left my house in months because of massive body dysmorphic issues and when I occasionally do(once every two months) I only go out at night when it's dark but it still drains the life out of me and I dissociate.
I hate living like this. Are there ways to work on myself alone?",1.8448,4.054289879999999,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.2,6.4,20.0,7.554174236665415,0.5082000000000009,388,10,84,6,10,125,70,100,0.17800000000000002,0.7709999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.8723,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,10,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,12,2,15,9,0,23,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,1,8,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925505611734855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139162119929004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202973857684052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942649645395184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395943920846505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226329684447786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117815057074515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038507041598772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040984081255548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674438606569228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210847985824944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907245444906945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853865670882748,0.0,0.2581377764723549,0.08927353693711472,0.0,0.16135554454740206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917095901524958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148143414254868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194603424198962,0.0,0.1389757830500893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091585904227606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459298672116694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850243581989347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900880259339511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761469533362113,0.0,0.1330309410259874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyhunie,2019/09/14,"How long did it take you to heal? I'm losing faith in myself. I feel like for every two steps forward, I take five steps back. It makes me feel like I'll never get better from this. Everytime I think I'm getting better at coping I probe myself wrong. I feel like I'm going to be crippled by this forever and it makes me more and more suicidal and less and less see the point in being alive. 

Please tell me it's going to be okay. I can't keep living like this. I don't want to keep hurting like this.",1.0872897196261704,2.865262261682247,2.8091682242990683,93.98010747663551,80.58878504672897,5.401495327102804,17.242056074766353,6.2581,-0.3842777570093463,390,7,88,3,10,129,63,107,0.16399999999999998,0.649,0.18600000000000005,0.1554,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,2,12,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,3,1,15,25,5,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,4,0,0,5,3,3,0,2,1,4,13,9,10,21,4,12,1,2,1,0,2,5,0,0,9,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307153511944215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28310925658433456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485227607821856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427841148190317,0.3430275184208412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724306673298242,0.0,0.18192458871355985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134096231185456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845264410771337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909711451086176,0.0,0.1413304864704988,0.14164262525725413,0.0,0.1790593237862214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367438237869069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344340014296624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756910697468218,0.15130262714869314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754220035763109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750729398047619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24068116033549775,0.0,0.13989412411030686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255604772534042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634935980265158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440391065359062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499376499392624,0.0,0.0
bpd,aschilojitie,2019/09/14,"French Fries I just had a breakdown because my brother ate my French fries. 
I couldn't eat all of them last night so I left some for today and then when I looked for them I couldn't find them something inside me snapped. I started screaming and breaking shit and I couldn't stop crying no matter how ridiculous this sounds.
I fucking hate myself lmao",2.4219117647058823,5.188895897058824,1.9544117647058847,96.1898529411765,82.67647058823529,3.4000000000000004,23.20588235294117,3.1291,-0.1432117647058826,283,10,54,0,8,82,49,68,0.17800000000000002,0.659,0.163,-0.4765,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,0,4,5,4,0,1,0,4,4,1,1,1,13,9,7,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,3,15,0,3,4,2,9,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,1,7,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726562725020132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31111826726516545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898181765917052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588699276222613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618444424774428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796340541776399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308727839543395,0.0,0.0,0.3077335983249111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378444749030516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657950831811812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29073471307095844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180466824646776,0.0,0.0,0.20047385017205813,0.0,0.0,0.23679555889880735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684718668465173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_blackhole_sun_,2019/09/14,"Cannot stand being “ignored” by FP TW self harm



It’s fucking unbearable. They’ve gone a whole day without speaking to me. They’ve probably found someone else, someone better. I’m useless, discarded garbage.

I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. I don’t know how to tolerate these feelings of intense rejection. I’m not saying anything until they do. That’ll prove if they care or not. 


I relapsed with self harm a few days ago and this makes me want to do it again just to regain some sense of control, to let the hurt out. 

I want to yell at them for putting me through this but of course it’s not them, it’s me. 

Please help. How can I tolerate this? How can I be a normal person? I’ve done DBT. It doesn’t help. Maybe I’m just a hopeless case who is meant to suffer until I can’t take it anymore.",0.1483928571428592,2.4452299107142887,1.8585714285714303,95.98642857142859,89.17857142857143,4.628571428571429,21.690476190476193,6.1826913282559595,0.2432547619047627,627,23,138,6,21,204,100,168,0.132,0.7509999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.6837,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,4,2,6,11,1,0,5,0,16,1,0,5,1,30,31,10,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,14,4,0,2,6,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,4,4,15,2,19,23,3,11,0,5,0,1,12,2,1,3,6,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715862352631268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463817883322213,0.0,0.0,0.13661280448930618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468231275701329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925915037333086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861953116962759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141265603473727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698867621329838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868078341089513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394008610466826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202235494815525,0.0,0.15347437820834872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254717934179516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771807443539994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824704698898026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975736653223752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081354767752163,0.0,0.16678023659243624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265540934842404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495429208344446,0.0,0.1822300878296192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898780061961905,0.0,0.0,0.16688678116263375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889567193364206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201851041611742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463710950009893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28132095010373265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481951715040375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958350296876662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534521254360828,0.0,0.1600285586941378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prettykittytimmy,2019/09/14,Anyone up Want to chat,-1.974,-0.5507963999999976,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,113.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-2.655,18,0,4,0,1,6,5,5,0.0,0.755,0.245,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.764368906904165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6447791669696935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jrt003,2019/09/14,Feeling so unwanted after trying to reach out to friends No matter how much I try I still feel distant from people. I’ve tried again and again to hang out but I don’t feel like I’m worthy of a good time hanging out,1.8289130434782592,3.4840960217391337,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,77.91304347826087,5.469565217391305,22.369565217391305,5.985473137389443,0.2480173913043475,171,5,37,1,4,56,36,46,0.065,0.605,0.33,0.9033,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,5,4,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,9,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681718301527701,0.2204919395317584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384539164095557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588719568658469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078554598093274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22688535883220445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397159237609129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24647970112281464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997002677836546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6286373667488887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,salemgogogirly,2019/09/14,"Things are getting mixed up and it really scares me. A few days ago I was having a conversation with my friend about some problems that have been running trough my head. 
One of these problems was about a boy who I really loved but I don't talk with him anymore since many years ago.
He was the only person who cared about me when I was a little lonely 12 year old girl.
We stop seeing each other but we still maintain contact online some years ago.
Everything got really bad when bpd took  control over me and I start pushing him away from my life and, as you can probably tell by now, it worked, he doesn't care about me anymore, thanks bpd, you did it again.
Anyway, the thing that scared me was that when I was talking about that with my friend I felt like if I was out of me, like if I was out of my body and the person who was talking was another person, it was like if I was seeing myself talking.
That was the most horrific sensation I have ever felt, I felt a horrible void in my soul.
I felt totally disconnected from my feelings, thoughs and body when I was talking about that with my friend, like I said, it was like if I was watching myself talking from outside of my body.
I don't know what to do anymore, everything is just getting more and more twisted, it makes me really sad, I need some help, thanks for reading all of this.",5.97426616915423,5.601860929104478,6.128000000000004,82.95033333333333,66.57462686567165,9.236218905472636,30.180099502487565,8.648137234880735,2.07245592039801,1051,33,217,14,15,335,132,268,0.131,0.722,0.147,0.6097,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,2,0,2,18,20,0,2,9,0,28,6,4,2,3,41,49,18,0,7,7,0,5,5,3,0,1,1,0,5,21,15,0,2,6,1,0,3,3,7,0,1,25,9,42,13,28,24,10,28,1,2,3,1,31,7,0,8,23,162,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921488983104184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643789124946863,0.0,0.0,0.2452533148929249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744825117104576,0.0,0.06882787550515879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746924964915116,0.20764224281648108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680912977342487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245530154803187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531622829973628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456511191791552,0.0,0.0,0.14817042155287632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04168045855759368,0.0,0.3165933421095149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910619380880968,0.0,0.08613538472899931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659289741828179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459974951467647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552529126197143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045302865479212265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058224665865045176,0.2013623085232913,0.08261923831825042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439874550988544,0.0,0.055024478719661485,0.08357383674430326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112281517835572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649926984994813,0.0,0.05585854243663548,0.06269379586362904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215931206803706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887641116710712,0.15775395483678795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245502449632669,0.0,0.2112340373652284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784123908000665,0.0,0.16505906050636626,0.0,0.13137640574993248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818919536539031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834630139439503,0.0,0.06583087430475186,0.06891744253181263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975377727288874,0.07204982805539098,0.1517859413172304,0.0,0.0,0.10952926867565847,0.0,0.080989725950563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158578171600187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001199976850476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925190131821515
bpd,bloodvirgo,2019/09/14,i know im selfish but when i'm not it hurts so bad Something I said to my therapist before I realized how cliche it is. lol. I was talking about struggling in my relationship due to the defensive wall I've built around myself.,0.9361594202898544,3.4759210217391328,3.0478260869565226,86.86637681159422,88.78260869565219,6.544927536231885,25.057971014492754,7.793537801064563,1.7859971014492757,181,8,36,4,6,61,37,46,0.225,0.621,0.154,-0.7009,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,7,0,5,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27386949670133665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25687093304355885,0.0,0.0,0.2617834482440953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293406025392702,0.0,0.33230966172970744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907378354747954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302958650217729,0.0,0.0,0.2926410823980697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368403433090077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216176117996661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472735982125773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571998465108537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lav3ndersunshine,2019/09/14,"BPD worsened when PMSing? I have only recently discovered BPD and still doing my research on everything. I'm pmsing at the moment and hating life, wanting to lash out and push away people I love and care about the most. I have the urge right now that I'm not good enough, I hate myself and waiting to be abandoned by my boyfriend and I almost feel like I'd get a sick satisfaction with it, even though I don't really want that. Also I'm overanalyzing every single thing that's being said to me. It occured to me that maybe this is could possibly be a mixture of BPD and pmsing, I'm not sure though.  


If any woman experiences this as well, what's the best way to deal with it that's helped you?",4.851349206349209,5.396571214285718,6.069523809523813,79.25325396825399,69.0,9.365079365079367,26.26984126984127,9.444778638647367,2.066603174603174,550,15,110,11,9,185,93,140,0.122,0.7290000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.7071,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,10,10,2,0,6,0,9,3,0,0,1,22,23,13,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,12,10,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,2,12,7,15,18,4,12,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,3,6,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492096519198627,0.0,0.0,0.1157363570520894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841781558283202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597369811714852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187973144054734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5468273953418427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755656214727567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555096323674036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920489691204744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953938869610614,0.0,0.09558935454896576,0.0,0.12193687200089105,0.0,0.13006930347352733,0.14156860874079613,0.0,0.0,0.07317719901483523,0.10339141422723444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561272606710592,0.0,0.0,0.1213882819524858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857715224212401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700597169139116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222339458408966,0.0707052188714991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061976751306836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539549732707824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006971937626156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033394230736024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315544806236973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271440217976132,0.0,0.14289826394711613,0.0,0.0,0.12359417431926767,0.1376664107204288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557739902652228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364013956715476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614871535965593,0.0,0.2843827298997678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072485395906126,0.11487579673307392,0.0,0.0,0.13012496108589916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ian1505nguyen,2019/09/14,"I am pretty sure my mother has BPD She is randomly sweet then randomly super abusive all her life. I remembered when I was a kid, she usually said nice words to me, she usually talked about how she loved me, but suddenly she became aggressive and she physically and verbally abused me.  When I was only a little kid, she once told me to eat other kids' poop because their grades were better than me. She called her 6 year old kid a devil, a scum and a piece of shit. Yes. That 6 year old was me. I still remembered that till today. After putting all her anger on me, she started to say sweet little nice things to me again. Then she became angry out of nowhere again and that has been repetitive till today. Its like a circle with no exit. Once she tried to scared me by put a knife close my face and pretend to stab me with it. I was very very little then but I still remember it all!",2.110289132602194,4.24571339548023,3.4039215686274527,89.20265204386844,78.88700564971751,6.8765702891326015,20.581256231306078,7.928766900206844,0.8548301096709863,689,18,143,12,17,224,100,177,0.213,0.643,0.14400000000000002,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,8,14,3,1,7,1,10,6,3,1,4,22,14,15,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,4,8,9,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,8,4,34,9,18,6,4,32,1,0,0,1,26,7,1,2,24,99,42,1,0.0,0.28321609469760706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728564260560397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570303368108848,0.0,0.0,0.15052742011561734,0.0,0.12204017318884147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222956817413258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441835939429032,0.05838994686129484,0.3593621594702737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107868717555121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508258773510767,0.2545633115445521,0.0,0.0908980294240801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159170969554628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402950998538841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061682325251692,0.0,0.1136879926948538,0.09504467915912113,0.11965732120650552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268243613640632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459471543994923,0.0,0.19089278826193168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264331505065965,0.0,0.0,0.09606320068547948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940175379182787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265761959479596,0.11420357166883485,0.0,0.08114416670532756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632620799787607,0.19722800833503415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393000016940744
bpd,lostparade,2019/09/14,"Emptiness Nothing I do can fill this void in my soul. No amount of impulse buying & shitty fast food will make me happy long term. Dropping out of uni & changing majors didn't help. Finding new hobbies didn't make me feel any wholer. Trying to find new people and new friends never fills this damn empty space, no one can replace my old fp, no one can replace the people I loved, no one can replace the memories, I'll never find anyone that was like the last, even when I thought I had everything I still felt empty. Nothing I do can fix the mistakes I made, there are no time machines, there's just cold darkness that demands everything when there's nothing good enough to give it. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life, I don't even feel like a person most of the time. I'm just a disassociated blur who ends up ruining absolutely everything I come into contact with. No matter how good I think my intentions are, the monster inside always comes out of the dark.",6.6684696208314325,6.349045120603018,6.704650525354045,79.21544084056652,65.13065326633165,8.844403837368663,33.1662859753312,8.00094639256281,2.368845226130653,805,30,153,8,11,257,119,199,0.205,0.695,0.1,-0.9495,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,1,0,10,0,16,3,0,5,2,31,33,4,0,2,2,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,10,0,1,4,12,4,0,3,7,6,17,7,15,25,6,28,1,2,0,1,7,6,1,2,18,91,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268499252083937,0.24138096721126945,0.0,0.0757486840353746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788613278362691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783532800997586,0.1919043932605552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986580404799921,0.11509513636431863,0.0,0.147143436825844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003291176451234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252875251880885,0.07957668560198654,0.1069513943151604,0.0,0.30542397247258257,0.0,0.1346926332417018,0.0,0.08605925630198599,0.0,0.0,0.10685496442462783,0.0,0.18685646619492308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857620080224746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466203812470593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079731464474013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867770252283843,0.10883857261476262,0.0,0.0,0.09857620790739184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053337842876747,0.10539944420570854,0.14870672090121134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182090850388554,0.3227420380703114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206437066390164,0.0,0.11688454919554332,0.0,0.2264412368827705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444691692973328,0.0972610204621126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332317322097304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895580366871747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137389796590064,0.0,0.08843082572315906,0.12990423386121386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756261630208508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570041685514857,0.08841580539574033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mssladyhawk,2019/09/14,"My dog is my purpose So it se me lately I’ve had to go see Ativan to cope with work these days , my work life is a break from my home life which is toxic . Is it a bad that I need Ativan or at least be tipsy to socialize with people . I’m In a toxic relationship ship at home . I’ve tired all the bpd treatments . Is it sad that the only reason I want to live is because I’m scared my dog would be put into a pound ? Yes she barks , yes she’s sometimes a dick but this dog has been there for me and gotten me through the most painful shit you can think of . I’m alive because you know what? My dog is the only thing that keeps me smiling ,that keeps me committed to work to pay for her health , the only thing that will love me regardless of my mental illnesses or not . It’s the only thing that’s so happy to say good morning to you and is the first one to great you at the door . I admire them , if only I could think like them , your always happy to see the one you love , you just need food and cuddles to live and their  confidence is beyond my words , I wish I could be like that . My dog is the only reason I’m alive these days",1.4942561983471094,2.8193828471074376,3.0744545454545467,94.57168181818184,77.96694214876031,5.831735537190082,18.711570247933885,6.2581,-0.2846485950413227,867,16,205,6,20,286,119,242,0.08800000000000001,0.667,0.245,0.9945,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,7,3,4,5,14,1,1,15,2,21,12,2,2,2,32,40,10,0,9,6,0,0,2,0,2,6,1,3,0,19,7,1,2,5,0,1,2,1,5,0,3,3,3,34,9,25,30,3,13,0,1,2,4,18,6,2,4,6,133,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681696205482553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711725739287016,0.1272060556018937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314091316949076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660963084292285,0.0,0.0,0.13457780753749204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887492235832927,0.1261650339625388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059297271668317164,0.08751314691909796,0.0,0.11503220206570705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213791565747776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090563275854208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093175661612792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547950876431132,0.0,0.0,0.057341031720371735,0.0,0.11769697856991235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739299057396646,0.10194783396753998,0.0,0.18426343157937164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883369089840798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514742187442366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472951862564868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414032609121634,0.4761191460089565,0.11102220537721197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233432167326677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488776861413797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455216978122088,0.0,0.11201917456352706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297318024136761,0.1044598031947148,0.0,0.16628658186913206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710070228080976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635870129704687,0.0,0.0,0.10319222213898256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795112636932228,0.1337102118235024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992033650614856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061540821679595875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119982704568821,0.0,0.0,0.22787631285096854,0.0,0.0,0.07411819886815202,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,findmelost0,2019/09/14,"How do you continue to admire a SO even when they’ve wronged you? Title says it all. I split on my SO whenever he does something that wrongs me in any way. While I know it’s good to be able to point out others’ actions that hurt you, I lose all ability to feel anything good about him or acknowledge any good things he’s ever done for a while. I’ve noticed other couples seem to always fish about their SOs even in times of hardship, and I wonder, how do you separate the good from the bad? Like what are some tips to help you remember that this person is not suddenly the enemy and against you or trying to hurt you?",4.612142857142857,5.000063825396829,5.2556746031746036,85.43446428571428,69.47619047619048,8.839682539682537,27.654761904761905,8.841846274778883,1.8579238095238093,486,15,103,8,8,157,86,126,0.126,0.698,0.177,0.7499,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,7,1,1,10,12,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,3,18,10,11,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,2,15,6,17,8,3,14,0,3,0,0,14,5,0,5,8,71,25,0,0.15254506658460726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692971552889162,0.0,0.0,0.2074717525415175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553159211710244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736875878645906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878821472233024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349321575125306,0.15610656563193753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150915558469176,0.13798574609565667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713136913158461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117902575980215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224774261966313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266052975818648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383477919676173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074525814184299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065890999130964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367356936846906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319646820416942,0.0,0.0,0.1442043948453939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280382355683166,0.0,0.0,0.12130995965872847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388712994266014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743664493448837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134416397148263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889502550604142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356808688979376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108317346646882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542861757412716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33356816676906154,0.0,0.0
bpd,youwontguessmyname,2019/09/14,What links/video is good to send to my partner to inform him about bpd? I want them to be positive and just help him understand why I’m like this,3.7925806451612902,4.1026897096774215,4.5388709677419365,90.12830645161293,71.25806451612904,8.780645161290323,25.177419354838708,8.841846274778883,1.372083870967742,115,3,27,2,2,37,26,31,0.0,0.639,0.361,0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510635536568148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366985955320774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293272370449396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213758872572874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554922897342405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580711359424701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39480981793999215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trippyhippie-,2019/09/14,"How to explain BDP to Friends and Boyfriend I was diagnosed with BDP in April of this year. Shortly after my diagnosis, I moved to a new city to have a new start. I made new friends and started dating again. I feel great, but some days are hit and miss. I have episodes from time to time now (not as frequent as every couple of days/every week). Sometimes my episodes hit at terrible times like work or when I’m out. I have coping strategies that work but I feel like there is this big secret I’m hiding from friends/partners. Does anyone else feel this? And what did you do to explain BDP in the least intense way.",3.3169672131147507,5.052435614754104,3.3860327868852487,92.51593442622952,74.0,5.863606557377048,26.95409836065573,6.2581,0.8471350819672128,483,18,101,3,10,147,78,122,0.083,0.8109999999999999,0.107,0.4528,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,0,19,21,11,0,0,4,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,3,10,5,18,16,2,26,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,20,59,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629203311508644,0.17041042397505632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402552048848425,0.0,0.10726007843009873,0.0,0.0,0.16880726647497524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455442760071792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893569934779607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802568517892855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522831414583014,0.11881620291668185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256990699783059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336400690904936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250721968539514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737224609588826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767676159545782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481887165757357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449080338777095,0.0,0.2354386798617899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29094063845638674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201392085472688,0.1334086848272232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421600969332411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107102068499588
bpd,XXbeth_valentine_Xx,2019/09/14,"Does anyone else have severe issues with intimacy but have a high sex drive ? I have bpd and I really, have a serious fear of intimacy with other people. Like I love sex but at the same time I feel like I am not a sexual being . I have gone years at a time without sex, but I masturbate like 4-10( modest estimate ) times a week. Like I really want to have sex but when time has come to finally “do the deed” I get cold feet and can’t do it idk if it’s from past trauma or what . If anyone else experienced this pls let’s chat.",0.3377027027027033,2.4011099099099127,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,85.03603603603604,7.303603603603604,16.457207207207208,8.344100000000001,0.6688072072072075,404,8,91,10,12,144,70,111,0.11699999999999999,0.693,0.19,0.8621,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,7,0,13,6,1,0,0,17,19,10,0,3,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,3,9,5,9,16,1,15,0,0,0,5,2,3,0,3,13,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23465773857749464,0.3438595374839239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133679884449327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454386594950633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684191924370413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803488437111781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882037617956432,0.08484414892125458,0.1198755440761844,0.0,0.1838154567988409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766798233803658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728871572872856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513842158050255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715857101764416,0.0,0.32791220217254863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144502872666252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018300534040433,0.11633060649474225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499250180619864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956495760383635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913794748828836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897211924526847,0.0,0.1345981295948841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617521198223319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805696881321808
bpd,tric21,2019/09/14,"Been feeling so depressed lately. I wish I could have a healthy relationship, but it’s hard when you’re fucked up. The past few years it’s been getting more hard to deal with being alone. I just feel like if I made a new connection with someone, all my problems would be gone. I used to think I was fine being by myself, but I’m starting to realize how much I hate being alone. I just want love.",3.3459259259259246,4.510679086419753,4.0972222222222205,89.73250000000004,72.95061728395059,6.881481481481483,25.84567901234568,7.1686216300943375,0.9952864197530862,310,10,67,3,6,99,60,81,0.268,0.546,0.187,-0.867,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,3,0,10,2,0,3,1,20,24,6,0,6,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,4,10,3,7,13,4,8,0,1,0,2,3,1,1,1,7,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045501286562282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559335972071232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134887364587467,0.1682142348148025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750218529198127,0.13952454128619687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055452697939964,0.10203778523355253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34990635112625285,0.1928213327793852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031035248039152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541520737790124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626863198830262,0.18480047256774004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357021704667774,0.0,0.0,0.18862490721951006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643886469253984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687864707429996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096823905975952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547964444729593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382365073212246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251423114467023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686791327090689,0.0,0.0,0.11519480177744025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245888743813938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387376865256983,0.0,0.0,0.12576876395121525
bpd,hoopsterben,2019/02/28,"So I just got evicted from my best friend. Any tips on handling this? I’m writing this immediately after finding out, hoping to avoid life altering actions, I thought I would vent to you guys. Long story short, I fell back on rent for a couple months (insert generic bpd excuse, I know you know em) and I’m still 200$ dollars short Of paying it off in full as of tomorrow, the deadline we agreed upon. Any tips to stop this from roller-coasting my life out of control for the next six months? I’m basically losing my last two friends and now I’m probably going to be homeless/ couch surfing for a bit and I’m very sad/mad/ any other negative emotion. I should probably add that I’m already very depressed.",2.5098252826310383,4.907790532374103,3.732502569373072,85.98627697841732,78.92805755395683,5.9858170606372045,27.194758478931146,7.1686216300943375,1.5052729701952718,560,24,106,7,14,182,95,139,0.1,0.78,0.12,0.4151,2,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,2,0,3,5,7,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,19,15,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,1,6,7,0,3,4,0,3,3,1,3,0,2,2,0,12,4,21,10,3,24,0,2,0,0,8,10,0,1,11,59,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260755879391002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191021675194451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027328273595406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414762313082715,0.0,0.17076438868295746,0.0,0.19699889370101356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543243489094335,0.0,0.1730699384690291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471978925698508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594553342821426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296024173669106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416912854288056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889410322920215,0.0,0.1250991590216721,0.0,0.0,0.15487518741477424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535513301211834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192290470062838,0.12749889223400446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096071793373348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384221257863979,0.0,0.17498808847511324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496975117284065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634885404720054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372830968987552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491301609440375,0.13076972923539096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417583452942164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279447630908008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25811708869396155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111125459228911,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,httpfrog,2019/02/28,"splitting Before I start, I want to say that I am not diagnosed. I am a minor and I cannot get a diagnosis as of now, even if I was 18+.

I am really struggling with impulses and splitting as of now. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this? I do not want to bring it up with my therapist yet because I just started with her and I want to get to know her first. I also don't have another appointment for a month.

As for the impulses, I'm really struggling to not act on them right now.

Splitting is awful. I finally made a good friend and now I can't stop myself from splitting really intensely on him.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks .",2.093,3.9126493555555584,4.530833333333334,82.61625000000005,77.66666666666667,8.351851851851853,25.324074074074076,9.075114841892004,2.1271851851851857,513,19,106,13,12,180,80,135,0.071,0.7859999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,2,5,1,13,1,0,2,0,21,25,10,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,2,1,19,4,22,21,0,18,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,11,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917839961284986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845017131599535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773278315522323,0.18153950469683086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105492390509913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553704828771517,0.0,0.14731893419760145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848707238435982,0.0,0.17572098664345145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150523028035484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434922309964657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965294961296306,0.0,0.14726234612792682,0.0,0.0,0.1337580433208563,0.0,0.18090417124410865,0.0,0.0,0.14521131354179428,0.0,0.19087391722992786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514646460667693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381763019878665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381888905577297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327301426846572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785012284826088,0.0,0.13767810798447785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24508137583922385,0.0,0.0,0.14474252207389995,0.0,0.3619813560200778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939273973693596,0.0,0.20101462119354116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063456360721473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229849616189213,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mayor-lou,2019/02/28,"DAE wants to switch apartments. Everyone in the building knows I am crazy, and it's making me sick. I live in France, in an old town, old building and the walls are really thin and crooked. 

They can hear all of my embarrassing rage fits, breakdowns etc, the worse part is that I cannot help myself, and then feel humiliated/embarrassed about myself. The high (rage / over confidence) and lows are embarrassing. 

I really wish we could move but we cannot afford it. 

I am aware I should focus on something else and move on with my life, but because of these regular breakdowns/ rage. I feel like I have no safe space where I can let go. 


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bpd,tryingmybestjpg,2019/02/28,"Does anyone else have a million dreams for their life because there are so many authentic versions of yourself? I am so easily inspired and I always have a million dreams and don’t know which to follow. 
I watched Chopped for a few months and became obsessed with cooking and now I’m starting a vegan bbq business. It’s going well! I didn’t think it would happen because it originally was a hyper-episode idea and fantasy but I told people about it (which I usually don’t do) and now I’m following through with it. It’s been really fun. 
Then I want to pursue surfing professionally because I’m 21 and if I start now I could be really good by 30. 
Then I want to own a reptile rescue because people treat those animals like shit sometimes and I know because I used to work for a reptile shop.
I also have a dream of living in a van and constantly exploring because I hate staying in one place. I love writing and want to be a writer too. I want to be on the open road with my dog and my partner. 
I also love the lifeguard fire department division and have received my cpr/aed and take lifeguard classes and think by next summer I could pick up a cool beach job and evolve into the fire department as a career.
I also dream of acting and writing for Adult Swim. I’ve taken acting classes and loved them and I have so many of my own ideas but don’t know much about editing or cameras.
I also want to start learning another language.
And this. And that. And then I get overwhelmed because I’m following all these dreams and I’m not sure where I will end up. 
How has acting on a hyper-fantasy affected your life? Have you pushed the pedal and brought any of these ideas to life? What do I do with all of these passions that don’t align with each other? 
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bpd,isitmeweoryou,2019/02/28,"Anyone else? As anyone experienced this? When I hear bad things like horrible accidents, death, murder etc. A part of me feels a little joy inside and have to fight not to smile if in public. Then I feel guilty for being evil. Anyone else? Also do you believe BPD is basically the lightest form of DID?",2.225112781954884,5.013471912280703,3.7330827067669183,82.80157894736845,84.26315789473685,6.064160401002509,18.669172932330827,7.447530270364453,0.8001699248120301,237,6,42,4,7,78,50,57,0.391,0.5329999999999999,0.076,-0.977,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,8,6,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,4,2,7,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705846919040756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474559338180518,0.4371245581751834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781057356013406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24032839740827025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686576777745352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35638785923715033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378980985996277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571285404690446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404169467974493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421295679607846,0.21379361352496698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23099497490487186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171431868395298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grunkengork,2019/02/28,"How to get by substance-free I'll try to keep this as short as possible, because I'd really like your help and I don't want to bore you.

I've smoked the odd bit of weed since I was about 14/15, started drinking around 18 like everyone else (UK) and then the life-changing shit happened around 23/24 and I tried cocaine. Long story short I developed a substance abuse problem with amphetamines, opiates, benzos, dissociates, hallucinogens, I even huffed lighter gas from the spray can for a few weeks. This all settled on just weed around 2/3 years ago and I've been satisfied my problem is now under control.

Hope you're still with me, thanks. Anyway weed is costing me way too much, I've gone without it for a week when I went abroad so I know it isn't physically uncomfortable, but I just want to cut down. I want to be able to get through evenings without losing my mind, getting angry, sad and paranoid.

Any advice would be super helpful, constructive criticism is fine too. You don't have to worry about upsetting me.",3.721466208476517,6.125111845360827,4.001993127147767,85.56668957617414,74.87628865979381,6.991523482245133,28.30355097365407,7.984000788550335,1.9178691867124864,814,34,153,13,18,253,133,194,0.16899999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.15,-0.6255,0,0,3,0,1,0,29.0,0,3,0,3,17,14,2,1,6,0,13,2,1,2,1,28,27,12,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,10,1,2,1,1,1,2,5,8,0,0,4,0,17,6,27,20,4,21,0,2,0,0,5,8,1,1,12,89,21,0,0.13371242295753724,0.15842735638747402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066223218467746,0.11852799520591314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092903280548367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570972153363167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150985196107481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597933465570842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414500138545019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499698521449787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098726964731267,0.0,0.0,0.11169957177765898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663158858311667,0.0,0.0,0.1277679502559273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095776666557289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118241454029292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792492371430565,0.0,0.0,0.13280660638538325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884974523938333,0.0,0.0,0.07348485077550375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944450386810457,0.13065027156337222,0.0,0.0,0.11833128663285412,0.0,0.14958999897629516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501143006004446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982940160223615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074066622389573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25588946102639537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565960204886855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725388066676272,0.11060829801652776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946423411834089,0.0,0.10678291369726732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310443422871528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156391614841585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366011542893287,0.10613469754270663,0.21451208057503315,0.0,0.0,0.1239527556890786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577880083842509,0.0,0.0,0.13579145606884593,0.0,0.09498546887220104,0.0,0.0,0.0861064164506633
bpd,RedHotDogFeet,2019/02/28,"Always planned on being dead by the time I reached 25, that's only 3 months away. But living my life with that mindset that the future doesn't matter has led to many bad decisions that are making my future hard. No savings, bad credit, no vehicle, job or home, a string of bad relationships, health problems from past drug use/addiction and bad self care, made alot of enemies, and ruined alot of peoples trust, ruined great opportunities and let this disorder along with bipolar disorder just get worse and worse untreated and so much more I can't put into words easily.

 I'm finally trying to live my life and be happy, working with a therapist, back on medicine. But sometimes the problems I created for myself from living with the ""I'll kill myself soon so what I do now doesn't matter"" mindset make me feel like I can never live a ""normal"" life, not normal in the 9-5 job, wife, kids and house sense but normal as in being able to keep my moods under control and not ruining all my close personal relationships. Not being self destructive not having constant invasive suicidal thoughts.

 The good thing is I read stories of people who have successfully turned their lives around and are managing very well with this disorder. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm too far gone. 

This is more just me venting seeing if anyone can relate. But if anyone has advice I'm open to anything you have to say. 

Also apologize for rambling and grammatical errors my mind is going a mile a minute currently. ",8.071636582430806,7.8994602310469295,8.012722021660647,70.50649578820702,62.2129963898917,10.996774969915764,34.351143200962696,10.504223727775694,3.658222334536703,1192,44,200,25,15,385,173,277,0.172,0.703,0.125,-0.8874,3,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,1,5,12,23,2,0,13,0,21,6,0,5,2,59,37,22,3,8,15,1,2,1,0,0,6,1,1,4,10,20,0,2,4,1,1,4,10,11,1,0,3,4,19,11,29,29,6,28,0,3,1,0,12,12,0,7,13,132,29,7,0.08734028092229726,0.0,0.0,0.09521379811496816,0.0,0.08534791167884424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984599109838674,0.07267411041137745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221407103671037,0.0,0.07187360932482162,0.07775136723570951,0.0,0.0,0.08205906899273382,0.06715928483544817,0.29170194545658745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904923732486797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438381547375704,0.09795955174918533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002985862320928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128699716586807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416187031612453,0.062395914142302465,0.0,0.0956770085911726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563169194474392,0.0,0.04963749440570523,0.07325688380606171,0.0,0.09629296805511073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297535312770992,0.07823973632687341,0.0,0.0,0.0928386344047381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760942305628677,0.0,0.0,0.10077895765374506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334350397789716,0.07763205472723855,0.09662908030132417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931135472812629,0.1850730701231702,0.042670049530637584,0.0,0.38561534101256395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264348560832263,0.1166006314480593,0.08854933625605395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818878581618482,0.0,0.06971417895729266,0.0,0.06420515597941237,0.0,0.06736220900480187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25672479361902034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642621934519842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337618089911551,0.1211015072491331,0.07626216442966813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671457065601008,0.0,0.08780110587436969,0.0,0.0,0.08736391644271478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754155104575296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945649697159736,0.0,0.0,0.0695988959107799,0.0,0.18222992241887925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727635422347048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553609142777203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140879790235108,0.058025001721018064,0.0,0.0,0.06933842704825346,0.050928820177725126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059298317579627585,0.09500114525043322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543396011260944,0.0,0.07206487877507795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852940169520875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471680897328673,0.06358476472915771,0.0,0.17801441589754155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lalers715,2019/02/28,"Hallucinating? Smelling perfume Boyfriend can’t smell anything, i left his house and STILL smell it. it’s so strong I’m getting a headache and sneezing ",3.750555555555557,7.0374276666666695,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,87.14814814814815,4.181481481481482,36.37962962962963,5.985473137389443,2.1487851851851856,125,8,22,1,4,35,23,27,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.6418,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064180338486884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580299319261699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.569866828836301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5365979393040692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944101734481848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drummerdiva,2019/02/28,"Anyone have any advice for regulating emotions? I find myself split between feeling everything at once or nothing at all. I'm not sure what's worse: drowning to death or dying from thirst. 

How do y'all regulate emotions? Has anything been successful or helped? ",4.876956521739132,8.081631043478264,4.928434782608697,76.11439130434783,75.52173913043478,7.1582608695652175,33.11304347826087,8.238735603445708,3.2436747826086965,212,11,31,4,5,66,40,46,0.114,0.722,0.16399999999999998,0.3678,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,2,9,6,4,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,6,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518766030318072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528321319080284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022929099262128,0.0,0.2121115819739345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26751048281809964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5798825878045072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165486162554666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032939716923225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558470998427924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727687036749187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473242490604368,0.0,0.0,0.2745021887379969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429323875502637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626758258344024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sensistuck,2019/02/28,"Just curious at what age you discovered your BPD I always knew and had others tell me I had a unique mental illness but nobody could diagnose it correctly until I was 33. I got clean from a lengthy heroin addiction from numbing myself out for so long and ironically it was drugs that made me aware of my condition, psychedelics drugs to be exact.  Its crazy to think all these years I struggled and didn’t even know what was wrong with me and for whatever reason my therapists and counselors didnt either. Still dont really bpd is a mindfuck but Im on the way to further understand myself wish me luck ",6.548386699507389,6.997616474137932,6.7418226600985225,76.24258620689658,65.29310344827586,10.421674876847293,32.08866995073892,10.290406445055957,3.2625532019704444,485,18,88,11,7,156,86,116,0.152,0.747,0.10099999999999999,-0.7506,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,11,6,0,2,3,23,18,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,10,0,15,1,13,6,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,64,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195723359389968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651575154707086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435425344247513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058851346649975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872125796450272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636879538614655,0.0,0.40840239881023455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630162901998488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083022753186142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020062168979446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967710014051076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582854131389665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666146628535445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774509632050849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280373277964505,0.1810433794129926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062067735577982,0.0,0.0,0.1840809243772128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390492275119627,0.0,0.0,0.20444675764234613,0.0,0.11282733069182295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833093508534555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976705207462572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248757519814492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251989355961047,0.0,0.11339213537756275
bpd,lostintranslation_45,2019/02/28,"why am i such a mess havent had a friend in years. fear vulnerability. too afraid of making a friend incase i do something wrong. feel like i'm unworthy of friendship. 

chronically dissociating. can't self validate and need constant admiration. emotionally numb or flooded with emotions, no middle ground. trouble with identifying emotions. burnout syndrome, can't stay consistent. 

when bf acts distant or doesn't text me as often i become scared. sometimes i think i try to hard and scare ppl. i simply dont know how to human.

self esteem osciliates from overconfidence to feeling threatened and worthless. deleted social media because constant comparisions were ruining and running my life, seeing people modelling and yachts were i barely have social interaction or pay rent. 

i'm counter dependent and then codependent. 

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bpd,igotsosad,2019/02/28,"I absolutely hate feelings. Hi, sorry if this is confusing... I really don't even know what depression is or if I have it. I have browsed this sub a lot and BPD sounds like me, but I know I'm just being dramatic. Sometimes I think I have a mental illness and sometimes I don't my emotions are just all over the place. I think I'm just a dramatic person when it comes to this stuff. I've never been diagnosed with anything. I just need to vent. I was just wondering if anyone else feels like this. I absolutely hate feelings, and I feel embarrassed after I show someone my feelings. I am a super emotional person and I cry a lot and my feelings are all over the place and I know that's probably because of some reason that I'm not aware of yet, or possibly just dramatics. But I absolutely hate feelings. I hate thinking about myself feeling sad or happy or love or being vulnerable, and I hate when my mom cries in front of me, and I hate therapy because I feel disgusted with the therapist after I talk to them about my feelings, even though I know they're just doing their job and in the moment it feels good to vent. I the thought of two people comforting one another and crying together; I mean I've done these things before and I feel normal in the moment, and it feels good to feel emotions with people, I just hate the thought of them I guess. And I know it's a strong word but that's because it's a strong feeling. Sometimes thinking about having feelings and knowing I will feel them for the rest of my life just makes me want to kill myself. I feel like it would be easier to just stop existing altogether than be forced to live in a world where I am cursed with being so emotional and yet I despise expressing and feeling the very feelings that I have. I love the moments when I feel happy and all the good feelings, but it's the THOUGHT of 'feelings', the idea of having them, that makes me feel disgusting and ashamed and just bad. The sheer embarrassment I feel after I lay it all out for someone. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble. I just have never really met anyone who felt this way too. ",3.6193859649122793,5.228029184210532,4.763397129186603,83.47211323763958,72.94736842105263,7.937480063795853,27.49920255183413,8.575989854853784,2.0051154704944185,1661,62,326,30,33,546,167,418,0.214,0.634,0.151,-0.9886,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,5,3,26,32,11,4,24,0,27,5,0,3,6,112,87,36,1,7,25,1,26,3,0,2,3,1,0,2,25,25,0,1,43,1,0,2,5,18,0,2,8,27,57,14,37,72,9,28,0,2,0,2,15,11,0,14,17,237,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525961214682062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369688657716644,0.05399646627051419,0.04336687758228039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400155591866214,0.09637466564490232,0.0,0.04484306145506717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575337795780717,0.0,0.0663726846957597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045395617288743285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736624945575149,0.0,0.0,0.04538966654403634,0.053488487721666034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053929486652532686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044023344515014384,0.2371176242559383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961453076925837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6661563408999801,0.07529650996138906,0.050599410282770624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260454046710846,0.0,0.0,0.05805401142678063,0.0,0.0,0.11219836585738886,0.0,0.36420622814401393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059490881054056276,0.0,0.0,0.052295735439689885,0.0,0.058303757605626075,0.0,0.17377231716324976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03722294015473685,0.07723837018099801,0.0,0.04653427995236602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960579820326246,0.095126009245663,0.0,0.07035413077938019,0.0,0.0,0.05740478047046825,0.0,0.0,0.05310830829356738,0.0,0.0,0.06172056114603025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03907572259403658,0.08128960543447644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163393908556335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03571028105286144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306985539251447,0.09202966095759972,0.11011870781310272,0.0,0.0,0.059410328759421815,0.0,0.0,0.05681855421392975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752079908636881,0.05418346248852022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930357040898301,0.0,0.1563623030168208,0.11798467904710867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405881598230426,0.0,0.0,0.06032787322610344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235754871149421,0.0,0.0,0.06026602548524487,0.061187728927350436,0.03501094727238041,0.13506984812241146,0.051776608374084064,0.12551162126670964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147937335479626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348228515555265,0.031083300685229926,0.04183010087290192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714993720664877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037435935998077284,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,victoria2298,2019/02/28,"DAE feel like they’ll never find a significant other understanding of BPD/mental health? I ended things with my ex last weekend because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and he was understanding of mental health/BPD.. or I thought he was, I found out he never looked into BPD despite me telling him I had it and how it affects me and he always just brushed it off when I had episodes where I needed support and understanding. He more understood anxiety and depression, and when he finally looked into BPD and understood it, it was already over in my mind because of how I have been feeling. I know it is over now despite me still being heartbroken but lately I find myself worrying that I will never ever find anyone who is understanding of BPD or mental health in general... that they will never understand how some days I don’t want to get out of bed, or cry for no reason, or go through a really bad BPD episode and have extreme fears of abandonment and just get mad or tell me to get over it. It terrifies me since it is such a big part of my life right now. I am so scared to trust people and that they won’t be understanding or supportive and that I’ll end up alone forever. ",8.320885579937304,6.771950163793104,8.555282131661443,71.29065830721005,62.44827586206897,12.229467084639499,37.03918495297805,11.20814326018867,4.0177362068965525,946,37,180,22,11,313,123,232,0.196,0.741,0.063,-0.9887,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,0,14,11,1,2,4,0,20,3,0,5,5,57,43,24,0,2,9,1,2,1,0,4,3,0,1,0,16,16,0,1,17,1,0,1,8,7,0,0,11,5,26,4,25,26,3,32,0,2,2,0,15,14,0,7,18,130,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755078802531129,0.08262948142488866,0.0,0.06230430318134119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572812892919914,0.0,0.0,0.0523562779538685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251981051242772,0.09128958750846328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658355824576728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224971463070829,0.04828996732804957,0.0,0.06449211379709124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263895908413445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677312300246233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425830879083919,0.0757209009276057,0.05349269402808317,0.0,0.08202493731268252,0.2053107764507058,0.0,0.0,0.08209961024135891,0.0,0.0,0.11736163346931586,0.0,0.04255476239212447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23877470500095505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04115086430668728,0.06103537655684204,0.08446538628841653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288838352651469,0.03658149632201739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257569371238074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263775429182856,0.0,0.075605202699884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552091786779794,0.2310014099405059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108532839560548,0.0,0.05191081790102072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796861697721338,0.0769868186923086,0.0,0.08039070302554599,0.0,0.06394520666854994,0.0,0.0,0.07496571055316023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193966531655599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059797484045429415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994081267658145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089294314012112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974546339624925,0.0,0.0,0.059444585650619323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677023972216126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044164848909744564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760420103426176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,erose199,2019/02/28,Self-help recommendations Looking for some good workbooks/self-help books for bpd and was wondering if anyone has any they'd recommend? Thanks!,7.923750000000003,10.887850541666667,6.298333333333333,71.28,64.41666666666666,9.8,32.83333333333333,10.125756701596842,3.7997333333333336,119,5,18,3,2,35,21,24,0.0,0.664,0.336,0.8221,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195332499064149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008443203048016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617677045438441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092260461650344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38506074865434997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241208576577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993062394579624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26445125436683353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31149864877162337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shaunajack,2019/02/28,I just got diagnosed I'm 19 from ireland. i just got diagnosed with BPD. I feel conflicted. I dont know whether to be relieved because know why i am the way i am now or be terrified of what comes next. will i be able for the therapy? will i be able to handle the stigma that comes with this disorder? i dont know. any words of wisdom or advice etc. is appreciated ,-0.0914473684210506,2.2008411710526343,2.7450526315789467,88.91836842105266,91.23684210526315,6.72421052631579,22.07368421052632,7.908726449838941,1.3875621052631573,283,11,62,7,10,99,47,76,0.094,0.779,0.127,0.3685,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,11,2,0,0,0,15,20,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,9,2,8,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,41,12,0,0.35393314763604816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292968780081555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034333863864895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787718085511414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288320471520096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048820673058078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35923469461636026,0.0,0.0,0.20281902526040152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41480701307291057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736450880825607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947961697298946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830726705729045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917686026839728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882059588974765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023766999507478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404678291807613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968480748101144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashleyoglesby,2019/02/28,"DAE feel like they feel much more in control when not in a relationship? Basically, I'm 3 months out of my last relationship, which was long term. The heartbreak sucked, and still sucks sometimes, but I feel much more in control of my emotions and my stability. This has happened with all of my other relationships I've had in the past as well.

Does anyone else experience this? I struggle with the thought that I might not be able to ever have a normal, stable, lasting relationship because my worst symptoms flare up when I am committed to someone. ",7.505478547854786,8.056728277227727,7.331435643564358,72.48183993399341,63.257425742574256,9.901650165016502,36.635313531353134,9.725611199111238,3.5475531353135312,440,20,77,8,6,140,71,101,0.14300000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.091,-0.7716,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,2,1,5,0,7,1,0,2,3,19,15,6,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,3,3,10,2,14,10,7,16,0,1,0,0,5,6,2,1,11,57,15,0,0.14155875031024318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898116962180817,0.14504366833200633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629290028830686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31754035091559063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387901634407815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825417146210948,0.15923454081212832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804799404701747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847162079794492,0.0,0.0,0.21472907256419144,0.10112959950641344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251799353943958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307785501951379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915845499291486,0.0,0.0,0.12527503943047635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150171463735353,0.0,0.0,0.11299084394838048,0.0,0.2081239388731931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869751953547887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351338448775981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6079244837991801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994226976236125,0.0,0.1400052237047034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130490008566525,0.0,0.0,0.14798794152414574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471337434497771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238183548048238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272783170513811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justamessylittlestar,2019/02/28,"I have no space other than here. No one understands. No one wants to or they wave it off or pretend it doesn’t exist. 

My boyfriend is my FP. Which I think is pretty normal. But it’s gotten to a point where it’s so unhealthy I don’t know what to do with myself. If he says he’s hanging out with his roommates, I get upset. If he says he’s doing things with his fraternity, I get jealous. When he cancels plans or is late I get angry and lash out. It’s not healthy. It’s like I want him all to myself and if anyone else spends time with him I hate it. And it’s so fucked up. It’s so so fucked up. 

Last night just because he went to a basketball game instead of coming over to study I freaked out and told him I hated him and told him to go fuck himself. I hate that I’m like this. It’s like I’m not even my own fucking person. Someone here compared it to being possessed and they’re so fucking right. I love him so much. I never want to hurt him, but I do. And I hate that I don’t even recognize it until after the fact. What the hell is wrong with me. He tells me I just use it as an excuse after I lash out but I don’t mean it as an excuse, I just wish he could understand.

The part that really fucks me up though is how I’m realizing he and everyone he knows views me. That I’m manipulative. That I’m crazy. That I’m controlling. I asked him if he was scared of me and he said he was scared to check his phone in case I lashed out at him. I told him I hoped he didn’t think I was manipulative and he just stayed quiet. I hate this. He talked to his roommates about it so I know they hate me now. I can’t ever go over there again. I don’t want to be around anyone he knows because I know they don’t like me. 

Part of me thinks I should leave him. He shouldn’t have to put up with this. He says he loves me but... I can tell he’s tired. He doesn’t understand and neither do I. It’s not fair to him that I’m still navigating this and he just has to suffer for it. I don’t want to leave him because I love him so much and the thought of him being with anyone else or me being with anyone else makes me physically ill but I don’t want to keep putting the person I love through so much pain. I don’t want him to be afraid of me. He doesn’t deserve that. 

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bpd,Letherlive,2019/02/28,Having a terrible BPD episode and tomorrow is my exam . A little stress and boom im suicidal . It's so difficult to explain . I know I'm not going to self harm but it's tough being productive like this . And I'm flooding tears as I write this . Guys the pain of seeing yourself this miserable is so tough . I don't even know who I am now . ,0.08774603174603257,2.402559457142857,2.783333333333335,88.96055555555556,90.14285714285714,6.53968253968254,22.063492063492063,7.793537801064563,1.3675873015873017,262,10,55,6,9,91,51,70,0.342,0.615,0.043,-0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,13,7,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,0,2,5,1,4,12,0,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,3,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589952693722629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882648512734501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199361293270545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822323444588995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30788985551005266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132987618597293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392551249865463,0.2856828679278484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30330043286664105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22713831025722886,0.0,0.2973567045488087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265099628190777,0.0,0.0,0.3117852099737583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joker123666,2019/02/28,"Could I potentially have a personality disorder? Hi guys, I was just wondering if anyone could take the time out of there day to help me with a recent issue that has came up of mine.

​

I am 22 year old male, who was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at 17 years old. From day one I have always questioned this diagnosis as I never really behaved like somebody with Asperger's, my 51 year old mother is currently going under a diagnosis of BPD due to being sexually abused as a child. Although I was never sexually abused, my father abused me for as long as I can remember, he would manipulate and control me, at the age of 14, he abandoned me and moved to the Philippines. Growing up I always felt like a normal child, until I was bullied at school for having longish hair and being overweight, this would continue in high school.

​

The biggest question mark is how I behave in relationships, I would say my emotions are very intense, I always feel an anxiety feeling in my stomach, if something doesn't go my way. I am always scared of being abandoned, even to the extent that if my ex girlfriend was going to the shops id break out into a panic, cause I was scared she would never return. My temper is also an issue as I feel I can be very abusive,  I feel like a volatile maniac at times. After sharing conversations with other people I know personally with BPD, they all said they feel I may have been misdiagnosed.

​

Any questions I will happily answer, all advice is appreciated and thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this.

​

​",7.454940781681802,7.628949567114098,7.996135017765495,68.9560698776155,63.39597315436242,10.233241215949473,34.979076194236086,9.916854025145753,3.56219281484406,1273,52,211,24,17,423,166,298,0.165,0.765,0.07,-0.9833,1,0,1,0,3,0,48.0,0,2,2,1,5,12,2,3,16,0,34,4,2,4,5,50,50,16,0,10,4,3,7,3,1,6,2,2,0,6,7,14,1,3,13,2,1,6,4,7,0,1,10,9,37,5,42,28,3,48,0,2,0,0,28,16,0,8,27,155,44,3,0.0,0.29820041915404105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148485541502426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031723189857356,0.20941846534560976,0.3408698535098426,0.3822744271266681,0.042787868702344,0.0,0.048133752742696684,0.0,0.0,0.04399524118099325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849148622919976,0.0,0.0,0.0719639047496361,0.0,0.06463633991713398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057031340712012,0.10047326114938657,0.0,0.0,0.12173490031654445,0.0,0.0,0.0638626413412259,0.0,0.0,0.07211195834642067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077671494630214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041558174478487656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907162564570546,0.044950177269289765,0.060413224015252974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727693648263112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062300854010499285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042174059193390456,0.06647860713596791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134460673152798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0345792762727371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221884077780533,0.0,0.0,0.0556823645826864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687417605997607,0.0,0.0,0.1455837266416748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164840086739566,0.0,0.0,0.1980723813753384,0.0,0.042636331072592765,0.0,0.0,0.0738232547847043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362091887949573,0.10987891938678182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145494872359172,0.0,0.06293719043979916,0.0,0.04030826780487856,0.0,0.06212607056306866,0.06755270822411798,0.07127627952275695,0.0,0.05985148391828559,0.050036639326364415,0.12598812004920693,0.12735712891482276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484390157478922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461626465652387,0.0,0.0,0.05792843282213982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006775971982176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383144859267213,0.0,0.0499430969747041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823423315861345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878671510467084,0.0,0.3822744271266681,0.12155556683645305
bpd,myheroinepretend,2019/02/28,"Help with performance appraisal at work I have a performance appraisal at work tomorrow and I'm terrified. I've only been in the role for 2 months but with the organisation for 2 years. I have to reflect on my performance over the last year and also about what I have done to meet certain core values of the organisation. 

I've tried completing my own evaluation several times already and keep coming close to tears. I'm incredibly self-critical and perfectionistic so the urge is to write about how I need to improve in all areas but then I will need to discuss this with my manager, who is very nice. I just want to answer it in the most neutral way possible so I can get out of there ASAP. I don't take praise well, I prefer criticism because I've already anticipated it. However I'd probably be devastated at a later point. 

How does anyone else manage these situations? I want to postpone it because my symptoms have been heightened lately but that isn't an option within the organisation. ",4.613856951871657,6.884992909090911,6.194862967914437,71.46523562834227,71.78074866310159,9.380882352941176,30.93883689839572,9.827888789773867,3.4568505347593583,802,36,137,22,16,273,116,187,0.11699999999999999,0.769,0.114,-0.3571,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,6,10,4,0,0,10,0,14,1,0,2,2,29,24,13,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,14,4,27,19,3,24,1,0,0,0,7,13,0,2,9,92,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655980599099625,0.13247034356842805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582641760520315,0.16972812670736598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019575550247978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269291335737522,0.17368100240960166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496153899185318,0.16951758839119874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837942206241402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654535234547654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103178573664813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147237440544785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502695932649394,0.18686055403035126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222034783721098,0.0,0.0,0.24565493461723786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598438307239426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659290914924975,0.18674562436897396,0.0,0.0,0.17859884979579385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280920530766508,0.18713748863205296,0.0,0.0,0.186197678794676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217390416526165,0.12454827713372638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659191888299752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246556000240447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667869981405692,0.19540946886247496,0.13148535731151634,0.0,0.0,0.14893935441668715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24119052495150975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334649640423275
bpd,mddnbpd,2019/02/28,"Does anyone else have had strong fear of abandonment/transference toward their doctor? I said something like..... have you planned to tell me about it 2y later? And it felt as if he was thinking well im not going to see you at that moment(2y later). I thought he tried to adjust next appointment for longer term than usual; to see me less often

Well, i have been a bad patient.... admit it. He could hate me. Admit it. Even if he doesnt want to see me anymore and just want me to get off, its okay. He could. Admit it too. But it is literally heartbreaking. Being shattered into splinters. Feels like i am dying at this moment.

Just thinking how much my psychiatrist would hate me kills me. I am dying. Cannot live any longer without him. Cannot imagine the times i have no more appointments with him. DAE had gone through this?",1.4326954177897555,4.106687597484278,2.4282659478885904,91.13867924528307,88.1194968553459,5.04115004492363,20.150044923629828,6.655083550727371,0.42521958670260585,644,20,125,8,21,203,104,159,0.165,0.738,0.09699999999999999,-0.9308,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,1,2,9,12,3,1,2,1,18,1,0,1,0,28,37,7,3,7,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,10,0,0,2,6,6,2,0,8,6,19,6,19,25,4,14,0,1,3,0,15,5,0,3,9,86,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131086741863532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774719260295754,0.10416962053766234,0.15264664935022856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439128967312205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378953088370536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092334806571386,0.0,0.0,0.15248637754603736,0.1303725766673331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445288548590265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839926204410199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764285768404916,0.07532828750115338,0.10643066803473897,0.14304325768407153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783540835956569,0.0,0.08466823127426787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941719509682977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092294641366686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482325340402273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556728398157182,0.0,0.1315512366877438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095167485899633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844091717043152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417131989965614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561510599574281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469135647915688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302142622703068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091952833392364,0.0,0.11827273007641377,0.0868708861508854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114700041003327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640793836004088,0.0,0.1757434153774237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26790012768233523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361049454578528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583044762165478,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,starlight95,2019/02/28,Anybody else feel like the wiki for BPD is a textbook definition of you? Was trying to explain it to someone last night and it was spot on for me. ,1.625,3.779896833333332,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.66666666666666,5.333333333333334,26.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.0966666666666671,115,5,23,1,3,39,26,30,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136281675770732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406767388950534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620329719353,0.2913428062590322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324233002325815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923759663358487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827063425291234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455399569680693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768793195446644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nikasorensen,2019/02/28,"Which combination of meds are you guys on? Are they actually helping? I’m honestly on my wit’s end, I feel like in the past couple of years I’ve tried every single combination to help me being a functioning human being despite having BPD, but there’s always been something wrong. I’m starting to feel kind of hopeless. 

So my question is: which combination of meds used to treat BPD are you on? Is there something that’s working / has worked for you? 

I’m currently on Prozac, Abilify and Lamictal. Not doing very well so far. I know every med reacts differently depending on the patient, but I was hoping some of you could give me some suggestion I can discuss with my psychiatrist during our next session.

",5.330227272727272,7.1252794469696985,6.364060606060607,72.94609090909094,68.92424242424242,9.21939393939394,31.381818181818186,9.642632912329526,3.2424945454545453,565,24,95,13,10,188,88,132,0.081,0.807,0.11199999999999999,0.3125,2,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,1,4,1,2,5,8,0,0,3,0,14,1,0,3,0,16,24,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,15,6,16,19,3,13,0,1,0,0,14,7,0,5,7,63,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.14371211652904595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253859620368862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709572448773468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758134467210238,0.16294900529492834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538634931186227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043554793303486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481589243977168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892603607075036,0.1052081364954228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127268052640718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581826258994826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742098677842976,0.0,0.0,0.14627014151458828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335673803698566,0.08093452437840726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194760197033814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907439368059234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566209622463883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058376643854906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497362531458734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267478746514273,0.0,0.0,0.10423689765852473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998516049685968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271920843056798,0.0,0.12151134744821808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241142670994346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144254058494259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101420665681224,0.0,0.09483562649740884
bpd,wnyg,2019/02/28,"Anyone else? Prior to my junior year of college, I was a low-functioning borderline who constantly experienced relational trauma on a mass scale (e.g. heartbreak, betrayal, etc.). This was due to the fact that I made myself vulnerable to anyone and everyone because I needed endless validation, support, etc. But the extreme stress of dealing with the bad eggs and even the good eggs gone bad (due to the stress I put them under) made me unable to take care of myself, achieve goals, and function. At one point, this damn near broke me.

During the latter half of college, I started counseling, learned important life skills, and made incredible strides. After a decade of desperation and dysfunction, I finally found independence, fulfillment, and some stability/consistency in my life. As a result, it was easier for me to practice discernment with those around me. This paid off big time. As I burned bridges, learned to avoid or deal properly with toxic people, and learned to attract the right kind of people (by becoming a less toxic person myself), I found a measure of happiness I'd never experienced before. Before I knew it, I found my first group of trustworthy, actually compatible friends. Having them taught me so much about what relationships could be like. I knew I never wanted to go back to my shit life from before. I had achieved all my professional, academic, and personal goals, and had an incredible group of friends to boot. I was on a high and couldn't be more confident.

But of course, things weren't perfect. In order to have everything I wanted, I had to suppress and fake quite a bit. And by suppressing so much of myself and my own needs/wants/truths, I found myself becoming a desirable commodity in various social environments. Now that I *seemed* emotionally stable, successful, positive, and just put together in general, people were seeking me out by the droves... And all of them wanted something from me without ever having to give back. And me, being compassionate and knowing how shitty life could be, just kept giving. Putting up this front, of course, was/is exhausting enough. But having to be people's 24/7, on call therapist, life coach, and *amazing* friend? It just got too much.

Fast forward to post-grad life, I meet a slew of different people, social groups, etc. As I meet one after the next, I realize how toxic most people are -- or if they're not, I find that we're not really compatible. More often than not, I realize they want to be my friend or want to be around me because I give them something they want. And instead of learning to adapt to this, I became extremely jaded, judgmental, and particular. With almost every single person I met, I found a reason why I didn't want to pursue a relationship with them (and if I did pursue something, I was quick to grow disenchanted). Eventually, I just stopped caring about people; people just became disposable to me. I stopped caring about burning bridges or losing any friend; I just wanted peace, quiet, and solitude. If I had to play along with someone's bullshit to keep my peace, then I'd play along. If not, I didn't give a shit anymore. At one point, I wondered if I was genuinely asocial. There was a certain freedom in that, but as you can imagine, I became increasingly isolated.

Fast forward to now, I am terribly inconsistent in my social life and social commitments. Some weeks and months, I'm available and around. Some weeks and months, I'm completely unavailable. This is because some weeks and months, I have the bandwidth to deal with the stress of playing my public role and being around people who want my time, effort, and resources. And then there are weeks and months where I just don't for whatever reason (e.g. being ill, having other commitments, etc.). No one's really making any deposit in me (even though I act like they are), so there's no point in being consistently around, you know? It's incredibly exhausting and totally depletes my happiness/sanity tank. I shit you not, there have been times I've become physically ill just by forcing myself to endure this longer than I'm capable of handling. Inexplicable and sudden fever, body aches, etc. the next day.

My husband is very stressed about this. After getting married, our social circles have somewhat merged and frankly, there's not really one person in his family or friend circles that I really trust. Most of them are nice people, but I still don't like most of them for various reasons. I definitely put on a good face and show; most of them feel very cared for and understood by me. And his friends, being normal people with normal social lives who care about their friends, want to see me more often. This is a reasonable request. But the very thought of having to accommodate this makes me want to die from exhaustion. So I go months without seeing anyone. While he understands, he also doesn't, you know? It's hard for someone without BPD to understand, even if they could conceive of it in theory.

​

Apologies for this very long rant. It's nice to finally get this off my chest to someone other than my husband. I've been in the middle of looking for a therapist. I do hope to resolve this someday. I don't want to feel like my whole life is a lie. I don't want to be a shitty person. I also don't want to feel like this about people... I do want to learn how to take the shit with the good with people that really matter. I want to learn how to enjoy people again and form healthy attachments. I want to be boldly authentic. I want to live according to my principles. I want to grow as a person... But man, I'm stuck in this weird nihilistic fog. And there's no incentive for me to really get out of this.

​

I also wish my husband would get it.",6.034851044226045,7.504974539772728,6.4127160114660136,74.5035165847666,66.85984848484848,9.609623259623259,31.22102784602784,9.868910537476632,3.1908092649467648,4558,179,777,103,74,1471,413,1056,0.124,0.7390000000000001,0.136,0.9768,1,1,3,0,0,2,197.0,1,4,13,12,53,62,5,5,37,0,63,23,7,15,11,201,144,77,1,36,35,3,4,5,8,1,14,1,0,7,38,58,2,7,35,5,2,15,24,22,0,7,38,10,116,40,149,88,33,101,0,3,3,0,70,41,5,26,53,554,154,17,0.0,0.0,0.033628420978110966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034507155441852067,0.0,0.0,0.08267401043967758,0.0,0.07467575027298748,0.0837464192328059,0.04686856530475428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034175499240825184,0.07228662808847162,0.03530879576847416,0.0,0.15338549966524664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299590645353795,0.057546060278968025,0.0630202978369539,0.11417655422578213,0.08796989550859129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037621878119454916,0.03827778315414258,0.04340172108276732,0.0,0.035187964781209814,0.0,0.17567358938494382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03613111840630685,0.037239496130958435,0.0,0.08254157798183961,0.0,0.0,0.022224134621912733,0.10658160943674642,0.0,0.0,0.0357644987943555,0.036003827963315534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028787277907010668,0.03876335965216022,0.0,0.03560684904064808,0.19216251340873453,0.0682823919569755,0.03117144320991537,0.02903440913917292,0.03292842965367705,0.03097082376748225,0.0,0.032486238362255414,0.0,0.05227270556456167,0.04923709412734963,0.0,0.07549946086346368,0.03149622021328607,0.02931203485323306,0.0,0.18892048300793712,0.2129924196272287,0.0,0.07201663578001298,0.13223038636378331,0.039169327317260035,0.08671135281092003,0.027561163951447268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036683781914247135,0.03086978782969337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036409349593878336,0.0,0.034226995010447035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030630024725554518,0.0,0.035885248029836884,0.056815674068306725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947234376770225,0.0841781578985753,0.0,0.060858404282960375,0.0304964072751748,0.02893809268178473,0.03855242060562089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782191195954867,0.046005226021876885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752998247220058,0.0,0.07599717109384205,0.025551981525350487,0.053156035471030906,0.0,0.07329814325507984,0.0,0.06752783416456823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675643867262005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344674467348557,0.1805371755504065,0.0,0.0,0.09772877050852642,0.0,0.033003578244142566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856905131840436,0.0,0.03665292250206382,0.0,0.0,0.13245745155549069,0.1417242973976358,0.0,0.0739952377375983,0.0,0.02942902967346623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492102225320848,0.03137149267984945,0.0,0.0,0.1414925963882719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076848901811948,0.08759466350545794,0.07958799684571824,0.0,0.0,0.0243912786240586,0.0,0.027520153957639425,0.057620946064371126,0.15789728217642346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039105301863476584,0.0,0.0,0.05181992832822814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002245974427177,0.02289398681588068,0.0,0.03385720986825226,0.027357742138620432,0.060282483573362314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174907207420997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373389646739518,0.3861875755706504,0.0,0.11056835365880337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03109518944822305,0.03847385348565629,0.03962780829069159,0.09965591076603174,0.03737087999243008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02447970968943915,0.0,0.0837464192328059,0.022191395190628814
bpd,pasta_girl,2019/02/28,Leaving this subreddit for a while because it is making me more “BPD”z It’s a fine line trying to recognize to avoid symptoms of BPD and simply turning it into an excuse/my identity. Bye for a while :) ,4.151538461538461,5.744186205128205,5.818461538461541,76.50153846153849,71.56410256410257,8.276923076923078,30.948717948717945,8.841846274778883,2.851164102564103,158,7,27,3,3,54,32,39,0.055999999999999994,0.815,0.129,0.4336,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24385613558505226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038270054689176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235767208582491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26702484007858923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157869995324169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715958493875377,0.43512055299769103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,riftftfs_,2019/02/28,"My boyfriend is BPD and i desperately need help My boyfriend is extremely mentally ill. He is constantly so mean and abusive to me that I have broken down completely and basically gotten ""used to it. "" 
When we first started dating o was drawn to him because he is primarily an emotional being. He isn't rational in any kind of way. I'm talking ALL emotion. 
He constantly tells me about how mean and awful I'm being to him- usually causing the switch- and I've finally come to realize I'm not really doing anything at all. I'm honestly left confused most of the time as to what his deal is. Anything can set him off and once he's gone there is no calming him down. I don't know what to do anymore. I just... I don't know that I can really deal with his mental illness anymore but we are financially tied together and I do love him...  It's hard sometimes though I must admit. 
He truly does not see the things I do for him- this morning he got sick and was vomiting at a clinic we go to and I quickly cleaned up his vomit. A grown man!  Later in the day he makes comments like ""you've ruined my day. You always ruin everything. It's all your fault. "" Everything is always my fault. Always. I freak out and usually have a panic attack when he does this. 
Sometimes it seems like he is trying to get a rise out of me. Constantly trying to make me jealous and obviousl6 satisfied when I become so. Always telling me how awful and mean I am. He degrades me and hurts me. Last week he actually broke my pinky. It was kind of an accident but after it happened and I told him I thought something was wrong he said he would just hurt me worse. And then he did.. 
Here's the thing though..  He is obviously ashamed of his behavior when he ""comes to"" Bu5 he is unable to quiet his rage in any fashion. I've tried everything I can. It's gotten so bad that unless I just take it,  I know we will fight for DAYS ON END. so I just take it. Day after day. I am exhausted. But he is too...  He's tired. He hates himself. He feels sorrow. He even cries sometimes. I hate seeing him like this but my compassion is slowly turning to weariness as he never cares when I cry or am upset. I just don't feel like he gives a crap!  
So here's the thing...  I see a therapist weekly and she suggested I find an online forum to post to about how I feel. She really thinks this will help. 
I can't take the constant switching. The emotions. The coddling afterwards. Giving my entire soul to this man with nothing returned. I am curious to know your stories with BPD and how it's effected you and your partner?  How does someone with BPD feel inside?  What can I do to really help rather than making my situation worse??? ",1.328927697577683,3.7590178470149236,3.3133777832150706,86.95772938585762,84.1492537313433,6.49982872522633,23.52569121605089,7.755146713633716,1.40580900415953,2090,79,417,40,61,703,246,536,0.23800000000000002,0.677,0.085,-0.9985,0,0,1,0,1,0,73.0,4,5,0,2,31,34,7,4,18,2,44,10,1,11,6,82,93,44,0,4,14,0,5,4,1,4,8,2,1,3,24,30,0,0,18,0,0,6,9,24,0,1,12,10,70,10,49,75,4,55,1,6,3,1,70,13,1,4,37,267,94,0,0.0,0.07575414337022875,0.06239267408300023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280072634598932,0.0,0.0,0.08695784799710843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681539743686213,0.0,0.0,0.10522836937977473,0.0,0.0,0.07273685090694773,0.0,0.0,0.053384198236417255,0.038975017650635886,0.07061269732097697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241576859043219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518739024124892,0.06568026396341238,0.0,0.1101510426988776,0.06703606739211301,0.2763700081697449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046220021289627,0.20616834628427655,0.1318311798455048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785344445798292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575943158737146,0.05662864640490185,0.0,0.0,0.042229369315836825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723856598557817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293125987627836,0.04567615542640767,0.0,0.07003916803233935,0.05843668377688871,0.05438424356878762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033404114392564084,0.1226671838923817,0.036336512424221534,0.0,0.0511357557017053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653872074297581,0.0,0.057274429040932585,0.12624785696291813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856560305464554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689041266709698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315978089905606,0.1405510272499254,0.052116674936133055,0.0,0.0,0.0694670529636695,0.0,0.0,0.12494432311506455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057705070070669176,0.0,0.12803407013219947,0.0,0.0,0.2089363512066462,0.0,0.0,0.12886564571422848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047408008140606764,0.0493116700133973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061348671285439776,0.0,0.0,0.06809014727830418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501555420857467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061233368712135576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638371029502272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081812904930393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284702680420625,0.058205269868160964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186715858823757,0.0,0.0,0.05417307872868905,0.04922134119178507,0.1897041140177596,0.0,0.0452544916887152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421657953961367,0.05138963225307374,0.11176641079152527,0.0,0.0,0.0742350533406582,0.12742944952367966,0.04096784418975168,0.12563431759371688,0.05075833593295258,0.037281811447077234,0.07348545177164907,0.0,0.06109394136537542,0.0,0.1302257947907167,0.06954441065242152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522049534645768,0.14083375714893062,0.0,0.0,0.05074971442773978,0.10257179869102416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031324631502936,0.04541856274767727,0.06990438357812989,0.0,0.0
bpd,emiliarduke,2019/02/28,"When people think you are being manipulative and/or are constantly lying. So I was diagnosed maybe a year ago. To me, it helped me understand why I felt this way and I since I now had an explanation for all this shit, I felt a little more validated and like I wasn’t just a crazy drama queen who constantly overreacted. But a lot of people whom I consider to be the most important in my life usually think that either BPD isn’t a real thing, or that it is real but I am using it as an excuse for all the shitty things that happen to me and that I do or say. 

These people constantly try coming up with an explanation for my sucky life which of course was centered around the fact that it was my fault and that I was causing this to myself. 
To what I try explaining that there’s more to the story. But nothing seems to make sense to them except for what they are saying. 

For instance, I once had the courage to open up a little to this very important person in my life, she thought I wasn’t trying hard enough and that I was causing this all to myself, I then started feeling really bad, had a panic attack, then dissociated and then fell asleep. 
After a couple of days I explained what had happened and this person snapped and said I was lying again, using my illness as an excuse to avoid her, and that I was now playing victim. 

Now this is something I am quite used to. People constantly say I am being manipulative and make up intricate stories about how I tricked everyone into doing what I wanted. (stories that btw make zero sense and I had never even thought of).
Or that I am always lying. Now I won’t say I don’t lie. I do. A lot. But there are things that either aren’t worth lying about, or I would never lie about. (aka, me dissociating and having a panic attack) 
Does this happen to you too? How do you deal with it? Thank you so much in advance for your attention and support! 

Have a great day! And in case no one has told you today, you look great and I know that you ARE trying your very best!

",4.241836480228002,5.242092099750625,5.444234948343425,81.53815149625936,70.64588528678304,8.022835767723548,25.044620591378692,8.306716005460428,1.4759518346989675,1576,43,312,23,28,525,182,401,0.161,0.731,0.109,-0.9794,1,1,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,9,2,4,19,18,5,3,20,0,40,7,2,12,6,72,69,33,0,2,12,0,4,1,0,2,5,5,0,2,37,21,0,1,13,2,1,3,9,10,0,2,20,10,53,8,42,44,13,40,0,0,1,0,29,13,1,8,24,251,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134022859278569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696539830421137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164382537555179,0.0,0.1831141190545882,0.0,0.0,0.06719702811991903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844582791728761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136112386889183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534924903910395,0.0,0.06932597058866716,0.0,0.3478790320731238,0.0,0.0,0.08904904561426223,0.0,0.10380525039524507,0.08297083960996297,0.0,0.08168500723403553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042816039131435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315684599943385,0.0,0.05315595646553962,0.0,0.0,0.07690161942125545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406928577293631,0.0,0.15454589841813202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745788488373934,0.0,0.0,0.21350329122513226,0.0,0.07209383199447199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394371823573265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044229433251813284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705351711362824,0.039318222766057176,0.1613232208540753,0.0,0.0,0.06758251801245926,0.0,0.0,0.13684160061755135,0.0,0.0,0.16116209094083594,0.0,0.08085248365438696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916169897378281,0.0,0.12414151700305875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722225912676801,0.0,0.0,0.08570805018156816,0.054534997910417125,0.0,0.0,0.18885072632396266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231774320256129,0.14054320548723154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559986390409985,0.0,0.18320660017851775,0.05155723405864599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655444238064882,0.2560021420662677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326552210706723,0.0,0.0,0.0826110591426361,0.0665734812358017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195705765808812,0.0,0.0,0.05696381047238003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132719272941618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409471883334415,0.0,0.0,0.16040102850335847,0.10313603908930637,0.0,0.1277834804936772,0.0,0.0,0.07628516401059576,0.07690161942125545,0.0,0.21856121433129855,0.0,0.0,0.08378200680248628,0.0,0.2085253671222396,0.08863680875621653,0.13280804632077875,0.0474688993740656,0.06388088798067447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262023880060914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057170333899292124,0.0,0.0,0.05182616496823583
bpd,HavocDrive26,2019/02/28,"First Time Posting Losing my Reddit post virginity here so be gentle. I guess it's been spurred from reading all these other posts that have really resonated with me.

So after a near lifetime of dealing with depression, in recent years I'd been diagnosed with severe anxiety in addition to this. I'd never considered the idea of having anxiety, as I'd always chalked it up to 'feeling nervous'. Even when the nervous feeling had me cancelling plans to avoid people, feeling so sick I had to leave social events and general overthinking/overworrying.

Then after attending a charity fundraiser for the Black Dog Institute there was a bunch of awareness raising for the differing mental illnesses, the majority didn't feel like they quite summed up how I felt, I could never put words to it. Having said that I was always a bit tentative at the diagnosis of severe depression, as there were definitely some really high weeks where I was on top of the world, thought I was the greatest, nothing could bring me down and I'd go nuts with gym, socialising, new hobbies etc.

Then I read on the event, a story from someone with bipolar. I was quite certain I didn't have bipolar, because I could always pinpoint what changed my mood, I knew I just had a tendency to 'overreact'. That's when I discovered bipolar isn't BPD. (I'd always thought it was the abbreviation). I did my research, saw a GP, went back to my psych, and well I think the summary of this is apparent now.  
The wild mood swings over the tiniest things, the crippling paranoia in fear of losing my friends or partners, pushing them away before they could hurt me, assuming they were conspiring against me, feeling worthless if I wasn't the most important person to them. The impulsive behavior that I'd regret the next day, wondering how I could've done such a thing, but in the moment it felt like I was watching it all happen through someone else's eyes. Even on the high days it was just a ""enjoy the ride, don't think too much into it"" mindset. Small things, almost entirely related to interactions with people could set me off instantly, I'd ""see red"", heart pounding, trembling, furious. Usually I'd isolate myself somewhere until I'd go through the 'angry at them, angry at myself, guilty for the reaction, neutral' process finished. Once again though, thinking these were fairly standard reactions and I viewed that as just, being annoyed like everyone else did, I never mentioned it much to others/psych.  
Writing this now I'm dreading an imaginary argument with my partner that will probably not happen, which had me sitting at my desk unable to function for an hour. I'm not sure what responses I even expect from this, I just wanted a bit of a ramble. I kind of don't want to believe the psych's initial diagnosis because it's giving a reason to why I've been such a shit person in my life to others. Maybe I'm just a shit person without a reason.",7.317043669131237,7.7835577763401105,7.471089995378928,71.6104612407579,63.65804066543439,10.459357670979667,37.42381007393716,10.270032843473604,4.062039232902034,2331,111,387,50,32,755,277,541,0.17,0.779,0.051,-0.9958,1,1,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,6,7,29,28,4,6,40,0,40,12,4,4,7,69,70,21,0,10,11,0,7,3,3,1,7,1,0,5,30,13,0,1,18,3,0,8,12,17,1,1,32,15,47,9,67,30,12,69,0,7,7,1,19,27,2,8,32,276,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264046113389264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414434423471221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098905663454717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815571591194837,0.05578041762208806,0.0,0.0884420141669007,0.0,0.06172800678410492,0.08173013531453857,0.0,0.0,0.1583944280730682,0.0,0.09136426903601057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673995123437588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34751391185654795,0.0,0.0,0.09356734083502324,0.07478774724393962,0.12496085474297768,0.07362873153214262,0.0,0.07579108252627989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423578163338508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119927679802632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080903646840321,0.14374017143888013,0.0,0.0,0.06931711072182384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816300603731793,0.1833973943618961,0.0518241097608072,0.13930363538342388,0.0,0.0,0.06170429585537875,0.0,0.0,0.0560458670876866,0.0,0.0,0.06958901797602413,0.08245472459834363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991333095728871,0.0,0.12829752601400365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596276933614634,0.0,0.1532894792525662,0.0,0.0,0.07143938223430182,0.0,0.07765784691196123,0.08189123111000729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755414618044667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681163784753041,0.0,0.0,0.051238649366039064,0.10632125648475556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623121682886406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287831652679777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731054015552104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665361975780267,0.0,0.16784688041753565,0.07006163794019965,0.07714937464606834,0.0,0.0,0.06960612697578694,0.0,0.0,0.07725499734463727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058315340272174,0.19002296068551552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084259144538472,0.0,0.07821268187710168,0.0,0.0,0.07292487353540811,0.0,0.15431496212090234,0.14512351512426033,0.0,0.09294468773609106,0.14917077610452634,0.07162659850215528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900417440728436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057806682865246914,0.0,0.0,0.1639039095984502,0.14892690105962814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394756265633744,0.12292941697511132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837009585025634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458129667928138,0.1394461968700975,0.07127227109986391,0.1151806910239399,0.0422998974076966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989490381116192,0.0,0.08557445157899386,0.0,0.058188918310907015,0.0,0.06522408380172891,0.06724727815672574,0.06545798607975442,0.0,0.0,0.06992802140183274,0.07866884189292025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467147511642358
bpd,LazyResist,2019/02/28,"I have let myself go, how can I get myself back? Throughout my youth I was always considered ""pretty"", I had a lot of friends and an active dating life. Then, about 5 years ago-I had a major depressive episode, this lead to medication changes, which led to weight gain. In the past 5 years, I've gained 100 lbs. I can't remember the person I used to be, she seems so far away. It's almost like I've lived two lives, the then and the now. Sometimes I sleep in so late, I end up leaving the house without brushing my hair or my teeth. I know what I need to do and what I should do to fix this all, but everything just seems so far out of reach. I guess I will begin by brushing my teeth tomorrow before I leave my apartment....

I posted this on r/depression_help too...sorry if that's against the rules",2.6678810759792384,4.096333588957055,3.6337423312883423,91.34281736668241,75.07361963190179,6.733176026427561,23.581406323737607,7.321109707123232,0.7563387446908916,617,18,136,7,13,198,111,163,0.022000000000000002,0.903,0.075,0.6761,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,9,0,12,7,4,4,1,23,21,12,0,3,5,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,3,4,23,2,17,14,3,26,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,7,14,87,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621969029855466,0.0,0.15387888038450565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278662263585948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437856110252145,0.11816318449914405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076233856496478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625630893909294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235623865532184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610651512189206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810920155261044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872550288103978,0.0,0.08028653145259329,0.0,0.08733452751779049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928546024560562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731520810634666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445332764537672,0.0,0.17334709885424518,0.32542989534969397,0.0,0.15713857156855565,0.1085420697196204,0.0750756793737483,0.0,0.27138786124605924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064522516799434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480693452168925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394478212938065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669594934721658,0.0,0.1341792162898454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471739296926096,0.15633821748962426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407880200849493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979183492540305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378155124380485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519841252465956,0.17202162437655566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501138198264437,0.0,0.0,0.13272203490741447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871293578395676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813294784822278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791762041112407
bpd,hipotato,2019/02/28,"I feel sick to myself I always thought I had depression until today. For some reason today I found out about BDP, started reading into it and dove into this subreddit. Everything seems to tick the boxes, I read posts about people's behavior here and found that I have done similar things in the past. I feel sick knowing that I probably have BDP, as bad as it sounds I feel that depression is way more accepted than BDP. People have empathy towards depression, BDP is basically unknown and even frowned upon. 

[This post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9q3f3e/a_relationship_with_me_a_borderline/) This is basically what happened to my last relationship. She was raped by his father, She's depressed, She's addicted to coke, I just wanted to help her get through all of this. At one point she told me I was an angel, I was healing her, I was madly in love. Then I found some texts, I got insecure, things went south real quick. I systematically tore her apart, I reversed engineered all my love to harm. I went and deleted all social media shortly after. I am now seeing pictures of her, she's smiling but she doesn't seem okay. Her face is bloated, her hair is not luscious anymore, her stare is empty. She's no longer the girl I fell in love with, and I did all the damage.

I feel sick, empty. I suck. 

I'm sorry
",4.185077831454642,6.781320522633751,4.749364823760963,79.82982286634461,74.22633744855969,7.353658972982645,26.61460010735373,8.321376580360154,2.036936446591519,1049,39,182,19,23,334,145,243,0.192,0.741,0.067,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,0,7,16,3,1,5,1,18,12,2,1,4,33,43,10,0,1,3,1,5,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,12,9,1,0,13,2,0,3,3,11,0,1,15,8,42,5,28,28,7,28,1,5,2,4,24,13,1,4,10,127,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245987283065472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347030047380456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140444402295953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379360936199384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414798529435764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870100103525564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149559623193958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419508206664396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095792247060416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271963572484059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695029803498495,0.0,0.0,0.05868951037803919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898431980466507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933596199588493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529463991631463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173544129540525,0.09156662854722944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041555542210611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611994806434869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723484108556153,0.15575552567940334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619127333326517,0.0,0.21516849010151684,0.0,0.12111429169245227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247273884536052,0.1278598828732219,0.0,0.11549733659243365,0.0,0.12060391952747974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951509246692055,0.20452802608917128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145096480335323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574792716081298,0.07951008454841625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925849976438088,0.0,0.0,0.08918008867111757,0.0,0.0,0.2129576582034733,0.10733927754111283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662570879889125,0.08916494107840746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826818021647844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sillytiger91,2019/02/28,"New romantic interest, same old problems ~just a rant I wanted to share with others who understand what I feel and go through~


Almost 7 months ago I broke up with the LOML and FP. Together for 6 years. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done, but yay for staying strong and being lucky enough to have supportive people in my life. Flash forward to over a week ago, I met this guy online and tbh that's nothing new for me. Because in lonely times I like to talk to randos on the internet! I did not expect to find so much in common with him and he really took an interest in me and I in him. He's super sweet, and basically is everything I could ever enjoy in a person. And that's the problem isnt it...he is so sweet that I have SO MANY FEELINGS. Feelings I shouldn't be having after only talking for almost two weeks! We're meeting up for the first time tomorrow (in public). I'm afraid he'll actually really like me and want to be with me. I have so many issues still. I'm afraid to get into another relationship after only being single for not even a year yet... I could put on a whole power point of all my fears and how im gonna screw this up, or am gonna be ""too much"" and just everything all my exes have said about me. I'm freaking out. I know there shouldn't be, because it's only been two weeks and I'm just being 'me' and need to chill. But of course what's logical and what I feel is never the same :) if you read til the end, thanks ❤ we all out here to love and support one another, because we're all just doing the best we can, and that's enough! Love you guys! ",3.2654635935044567,3.968680915662653,4.9317338920901035,85.41441854374021,72.67469879518072,8.063069669984285,24.073336825563125,8.321376580360154,1.266206495547407,1232,32,267,19,23,419,176,332,0.07200000000000001,0.7170000000000001,0.21100000000000002,0.9954,1,2,0,0,0,0,40.0,2,2,0,5,18,28,1,3,14,1,27,4,0,1,7,67,53,26,0,11,10,0,4,2,0,5,1,1,0,3,14,25,0,0,8,1,0,4,6,10,0,4,7,7,29,18,43,32,14,47,0,2,0,3,23,18,1,6,28,185,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.09278783142223483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857166482770455,0.0,0.1904248863830705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994067908892886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388615349143238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978432232059402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518329595490949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973034866686718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421580535717138,0.1964934546532021,0.0,0.06280178977314871,0.1720170340220278,0.0,0.0,0.1709099322037995,0.0,0.0,0.1069954315361108,0.19230840465037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690464454130127,0.08087802131342425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049677231832427365,0.0,0.05403817417418957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882953322831994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270655328509697,0.09924252548749694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052255433888516965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671603251937335,0.09290604194126544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163323715866713,0.0,0.0,0.1927995968734288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589478457784132,0.0,0.13979470330789762,0.07050324949308585,0.07333429752129582,0.1836645753113132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123523318841792,0.0,0.09977419373445663,0.0,0.0644310760595464,0.2169459792653944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591896327399405,0.08302329063324806,0.0,0.0,0.0898846909776098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181964237149822,0.0,0.09558523267000987,0.0,0.0,0.09510928361299688,0.0,0.12182591716641172,0.0,0.0,0.102084151523402,0.0,0.0,0.0904462324877353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013464158591548,0.07593384797334117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579937751972894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284911584349128,0.0,0.08754016040495685,0.0,0.0,0.06316928739049382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088796838760538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564132557541478,0.0,0.0,0.18576562952337144,0.09898533161365143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216548576961267,0.0,0.2288108717609359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615739090796207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246138094396646
bpd,je-suis-garbage-,2019/02/28,"DAE get angry at a significant person as “a test” to see if they really care? For example, when my boyfriend does something mildly upsetting I get super angry and lash out and I want him to understand what’s going on in my mind, but then when he doesn’t and wonders why I’m freaking out, I get even more upset and feel like no one will ever understand me or care about me enough to validate my feelings. Even though logically I know I’m being crazy. ",4.700666666666667,5.484787955555554,6.124444444444446,77.87000000000003,69.44444444444444,9.555555555555557,28.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.575333333333333,356,12,69,8,6,121,66,90,0.19,0.633,0.177,-0.319,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,19,19,12,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,3,11,4,11,17,2,10,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,3,5,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084333599303025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752817174255359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696089038084767,0.0,0.2645892577317941,0.18118058224740616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255289787848585,0.14309259475233274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31394157580996296,0.0,0.11383370159972248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007828371578536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785525525957432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224340590180107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572678940389876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489207650332186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831572600076474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961119801944004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419882349052458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679130529481906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41703358316054573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814067214528995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807373656517249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172141261002848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lindseyqueen,2019/02/28,"How I cured my BPD (for the most part) I'm 19 yrs old from Burbank California, I was never officially diagnosed with BPD but a couple years ago after doing research and looking at the symptoms I am almost sure that I have it. I always had trouble trusting friends, especially my significant others, I always felt like they were lying to me, or maybe secretly doing something behind my back. I never really enjoyed hanging out with regular friends either, I always preferred to stay home and I always found myself getting depressed about the smallest things and thinking about them all day. The past 2-3 years I've only really had 2 friends that I would trust and hang out with, 1 girl and 1 guy. I've known the guy  since 8th grade and i pretty much friendzoned him for most of our friendship. He always showed that he cared about me and I would always be able to talk to him about my problems without fear of judgment because I really trusted him and I felt comfortable around him. So back to how I  ""cured"" my symptoms, about 6 months ago, I was single, and I really wanted to be with someone that I knew I could trust because of my BPD, so I decided to take a huge risk and asked my guy bestfriend if he would wanna date. He said he wouldn't mind giving it a shot, now almost 6 months later, I am in the happiest relationship I've ever been in. Since then, I have NEVER been sad or stressed out about anything in our relationship because I know I that he really cares and I was already super comfortable around him. Even outside of the relationship I noticed the symptoms of my BPD go away, it comes up here and there like once a week but I can always talk to my BF about it and he quickly turns around my mindset. Also, sex is the best LOL

​

MORAL OF THE STORY: If your BPD makes it hard for you to be in a relationship and you have a really close guy/girl friend  GIVE THEM A CHANCE. I promise they'll treat you better than any BF/GF you've had and you never have to worry about them judging you or lying  to you, and you guys probably already know each other really well. THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. I know it may seem risky, but they probably already secretly like you lol.

​

Please upvote to spread awareness and because i'm new and need Karma!! 

If anyone has any questions or needs anyone to talk to feel free to msg me!",5.330197368421054,6.1717951337719335,5.890192982456143,79.90568421052633,68.05701754385964,8.360701754385966,29.673684210526318,8.447377352677275,2.1657821052631583,1855,66,346,26,30,601,217,456,0.068,0.6629999999999999,0.26899999999999996,0.9989,1,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,2,9,6,4,25,32,0,3,18,2,30,5,0,3,8,86,58,34,0,14,12,0,4,3,5,6,4,1,1,5,14,31,0,0,16,1,1,4,6,7,1,0,14,6,65,26,55,34,9,44,2,2,1,1,54,15,0,14,27,237,79,2,0.05631215561634364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099834656545686,0.0,0.1127769791514848,0.0,0.18642559203927211,0.045032810501368536,0.32799357181870964,0.12202839416667645,0.13685086549288086,0.07658839369042157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787495370595631,0.0,0.04634010596563568,0.15038927210650865,0.052644263919045184,0.0,0.052907123884363666,0.08660114345408802,0.0,0.1373094695727655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059096133135438426,0.04980352548386922,0.0,0.0,0.3546159434916247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482799131859688,0.0,0.0,0.048507935844459976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044960674097844266,0.06230832911516643,0.0,0.036316681784140735,0.0,0.04850157711734684,0.057155652589025274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037193647692006684,0.050937568686734366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336683077955538,0.028473117870582883,0.0,0.10813700063388186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061743372064895524,0.1740265269633816,0.0,0.029420777111027956,0.1080395017728299,0.03200349575090352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27878943722337163,0.0,0.0,0.050444630597653736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648568349571485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284306410993873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253382439188818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728802813892867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03758880114496398,0.0,0.056573129184770275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056859224381422775,0.0,0.08989565072732622,0.0,0.0413959137376815,0.0835094997215717,0.17372562378240147,0.05438663079751679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411176240366162,0.05909013459517753,0.059970607901462275,0.0,0.042827931869145665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609805769529953,0.05375632438902303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181383664378747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728970684720094,0.12142805615147854,0.0538831278021068,0.0,0.0,0.06308250193254411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25252506190088697,0.0,0.0,0.3022909044800997,0.0,0.0,0.05356575534502466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051264471536464185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316399407919823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047713106713875963,0.043351848556467884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002126531630553,0.0,0.0,0.06450538399960792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053073540241416334,0.17558967367401584,0.04233973288925463,0.1357847328536215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03741129398770238,0.0360825555337672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125145486803125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03321436838016247,0.0,0.04517021453856615,0.0,0.050631390717109696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428290851019594,0.0,0.0,0.05718772748547898,0.0,0.12000761902552687,0.0,0.13685086549288086,0.07252636390076153
bpd,fuckthisimoff2asgard,2019/02/28,"DAE force themselves into living in a fog because if you really concentrated on how you actually felt you'd lose your shit I just realised I've been doing this, I don't get enough sleep on purpose and force my brain into this tired, out of it, dissociative state so I don't have to deal. ",6.914252873563213,5.9854699655172405,7.615517241379313,74.8978735632184,64.86206896551724,10.491954022988507,31.402298850574713,9.725611199111238,2.6639126436781613,230,7,46,4,3,77,47,58,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.8649,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,6,4,3,1,0,8,8,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,8,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,1,0,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.28513194173835393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811421974363384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32617684154696003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012315215164714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301906830914032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805449260455225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265542211143987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580060924596081,0.0,0.0,0.3268820309210933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718219718728607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999253129967764,0.0,0.0,0.2923975814291673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358254772875558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blue_sky79,2019/02/28,"DAE mood instantly flip from happy to sad when spending time with a close friend or partner who is upset/depressed? I've been having a really hard time with this lately. I'll be having a perfect day, super happy and confident, make plans to hang out with someone and actually follow through, but if they get upset about something that has nothing to do with me it sends me into a depressed spiral, especially if I have no real way to offer help. Is this common for BPD? How do I combat it so I can be less affected and more supportive of my close friends/my partner instead of spiraling downwards with them?",6.548386699507389,6.997616474137932,7.148719211822659,73.32534482758622,65.29310344827586,9.387192118226602,33.8128078817734,9.23628265651192,3.1548807881773406,485,20,82,8,7,160,84,116,0.146,0.6920000000000001,0.162,0.2563,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,3,5,10,0,1,4,0,12,0,0,3,1,21,16,10,0,2,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,12,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,8,6,17,13,2,15,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,3,6,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.21041283871320496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715643218576367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390562838732418,0.0,0.3714243011526988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658654470920112,0.0,0.1126519200746213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590604294110071,0.1931520868002706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445247319881194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432273903478632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392721872380773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689204728235536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24542139154690046,0.1381309201158991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826931037123659,0.16599388113510213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244681651249303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514581044727925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114816176046388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hotpocketmama,2019/02/28,Growing up with codependent parents really fucked me up I feel like the main thing I took away from my childhood was that nobody gives a fuck about anyone they aren’t fucking. My parents didn’t/don’t have friends outside of each other and they didn’t pay attention to me. I was homeschooled and my mom was v clear about how it was a waste of time for her to drop me off or pick me up from places where I could socialize. When I did have an opportunity I was too disconnected from reality and from the outside world to make many friends,6.608571428571428,6.587884095238096,6.406428571428571,80.30107142857145,65.19047619047619,9.666666666666668,32.73809523809524,9.2995712137729,2.6390952380952384,430,16,86,7,6,135,71,105,0.129,0.73,0.141,0.079,3,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,6,7,3,0,5,0,11,3,0,3,1,13,18,6,0,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,8,1,16,4,18,9,2,14,0,0,0,3,10,8,3,1,4,64,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622159132934253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303834859970086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554668132755822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098506062924664,0.13917834097029613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30103250535352544,0.5403195585812425,0.0,0.18688761112071814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517845494258444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004282943927226,0.1975153322705003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281690162921261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326456712709278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354381725101792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480568890441752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859287765497668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942872278322334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360020599657752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164504683712835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scubachick67,2019/02/28,"DAE Live in [Ireland]? What is your experience of the mental health system/ [HSE]? [Irish] Hi,
I'm under the care of a mental health team for 5 years now. Tbh, I could be very scathing about the mental health services in Ireland. The actual staff are doing their best, but the resources are cut to nothing. I'm starting DBT next week...at least I thought I was. Now it turns out that this is cut from 1year to 8 weeks, with no 1-2-1 sessions. I've also found emergency help to be really truly non-existsant. Help lines have limited hours and drop in placed are only in cities. The last time I went to the doors of the phyc ward, sucidial and afraid for my safety, they sent me home with extra pills....I have a history of OD attempts 😢. ",2.4769599578503687,4.399475979452057,3.4995890410958914,89.9754952581665,76.87671232876713,6.6840885142254995,22.874604847207586,7.61054688173877,0.90799009483667,567,17,119,8,13,182,104,146,0.106,0.7609999999999999,0.133,0.7223,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,2,4,4,5,2,1,10,0,12,3,0,0,0,10,21,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,0,9,2,20,13,3,20,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,9,65,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.14991772045223564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285539855140536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161221982558263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566328914544965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122658601005208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027661395451267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844399668792434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4898947205729788,0.0,0.0,0.20594578259705226,0.0,0.1541003344240239,0.0,0.15129157796398587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522645036148647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565539170573493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644594289479175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338398043333072,0.0,0.0,0.14740918043762094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684020118523193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605074415872239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841734370577572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087379301161472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196262027324115,0.08958109695764332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671019822188693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675830443868394,0.0,0.0,0.24646050948205345,0.0,0.0,0.14241370106961904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893070456086164
bpd,Cls5650,2019/02/28,How to get diagnosed? I’ve been researching bpd for about 6 months. I could not believe that I never knew about this disorder or what it entailed. Everything about my life made sense once I started researching it and people’s personal accounts. How did you get diagnosed? What was it like? Do I need a pcp or a psychiatrist? ,2.9253395784543343,5.769203360655742,4.0577517564402825,81.49163934426231,80.96721311475409,8.731615925058549,28.386416861826696,9.23628265651192,3.1517007025761132,259,12,47,8,7,84,46,61,0.07200000000000001,0.884,0.044000000000000004,-0.3788,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,3,1,11,11,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,6,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,32,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27229711193157125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043947804136241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296642988621088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490611960306422,0.0,0.0,0.2769928435690455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172115958709054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525416906000179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070981453722114,0.1180754645203874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286889295917073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929112844860752,0.0,0.0,0.1792069441372973,0.1864029736747895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25738746887262137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755448938831816,0.21103070161420265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106643966074828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,failedcheerleader,2019/06/04,"Cursed, crazy, klutzy These were some of the names my father called me when I was a child. If your caretaker called you names, share them here if you'd like. 

I found myself (surprise!) acting out all of these traits during my adolescent years, and beyond you could say as well. 

I've heard it said that children's brainwaves are in a pre-conscious state before the age of 7. Gamma is it? Like hypnosis level. So it's a very unlucky thing to have a verbally abusive parent.

Hitting me today how sad it is. Imagine saying that to a child. ""THAT KID IS CURSED!"" he used to say that when I was like 7 years old, maybe even younger. It was his way of releasing rage when I would do something that made him feel out of control. I don't even know what I would do that would provoke it, maybe just drop my ice cream cone or something. Ugh.",1.8633048128342224,4.171317127272733,2.355294117647059,95.46352941176471,80.75757575757576,5.094474153297682,20.614973262032088,6.2272716619740125,0.03400534759358287,646,18,137,5,17,198,107,165,0.128,0.802,0.07,-0.893,1,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,1,1,11,9,1,0,7,0,17,0,0,5,1,24,25,10,0,6,4,2,1,3,0,3,0,5,0,4,16,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,8,7,19,6,13,11,2,17,0,1,1,0,24,5,0,4,11,87,35,0,0.0,0.18621079322956435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373294357649498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209591245812711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627009479434153,0.125480746875301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760750522793364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946562563750632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231957920475574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637190359849124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034365331425544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487101031210566,0.0,0.0,0.31577989634805004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491465865989868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745093546840708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949666842196244,0.3749436298957395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198135123384876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441118166805766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489708175640741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573715949422796,0.0,0.12967477684616258,0.0,0.12474756045459005,0.0,0.0,0.14130715008169165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349292680371915,0.0,0.0,0.2024138314877662
bpd,itsokbpd,2019/06/04,Apps for bpd? any helpful apps for managing bpd?,0.706666666666667,2.4502824444444467,1.898333333333337,89.46750000000002,113.44444444444444,6.2444444444444445,26.722222222222207,7.1686216300943375,2.3662888888888896,38,2,7,1,2,12,6,9,0.0,0.7170000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524412768574288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.935073289886462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24881990330256945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MentalIllnessFunsies,2019/06/04,"Just need an opinion on an abandonment provoking situation Met a friend for the first time in years recently. It went real well, and since then (4 days) she’s been calling me “hun” and has been rather affectionate in chat. Had a chat with her, and she put extra effort in to asking me if I was doing alright. I said I was fine thanks and that I appreciate it, then I added “I do mean that I appreciate it”. When the conversation ended she said “I’ll talk to you tomorrow” followed by “I hope that isn’t too presumptuous” to which I replied “it didn’t ^^”. I’m horribly lonely, so I don’t know how to react to the heightened affection, but I’m pretty certain that in those 2 instances I can across as disgustingly sensitive and desperate and that she’s going to abandon me. Is this the case? She has a boyfriend, so I’d rather discussion regarding her being interested didn’t go down THAT route on here. I’d just feel worthless because of it.",3.2421689189189213,5.2232660648648706,4.865320945945947,80.77473817567571,74.83783783783784,8.516891891891893,27.778716216216218,9.188382445141503,2.4635472972972967,742,30,146,18,16,250,115,185,0.124,0.725,0.151,0.0644,1,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,11,14,1,0,9,1,16,0,0,4,1,27,32,15,0,5,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,2,3,2,0,5,4,5,1,1,11,3,22,9,19,20,1,23,0,4,0,0,19,8,0,3,10,103,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417088770106855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661161735353552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120842943580524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394892084022006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183960006744195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501904976865163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766689908524126,0.0,0.0,0.16046802969824214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360806939592221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629235393186235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141461502360831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262455195218125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400646229326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113049439111001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087952489683472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23640737141213256,0.0,0.0,0.2050780857336959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951393557982277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181107765086132,0.2334628111018016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694089822070735,0.0,0.19122168849641533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111118171891296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867466908873278,0.1925394108274976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375159430472114
bpd,Imnotbriight,2019/06/04,"No sense of self or BPD? Hi. I was wondering everyone's always told me i had BPD but i feel like I just got no sense of self due to trauma? And not a disorder? I can't tell the difference.

I don't know who i am. What music or movie i like. How to dress talk. I will see someone I think is great someone normal that I feel I should be like and I'll mirror them insanely. Like music taste the way they talk buy the same exact clothes... Its weird. 

People realize I'm an empty shell pretty fast so i have to compensate mirror even more until i become it and starting out blank i can be anyone yet I'm nobody not even me.

I've been doing great at not being what other people might call Borderline. I don't drink till im in a coma or do coke anymore.  I don't go with strangers that could literally be killers just for the thrill. And i only end up at the hospital for major depression once a year.  I had some down where i booked a ticket to go jump off the Golden gate Bridge but besides that I've been doing somewhat ok.

Now i feel like it could be from child trauma. When i was developing basically my dad decided to kill his family because he couldn't stand my mom leaving him and what I've seen was fucked up and then they just made me live with people who like to touch kids :) i feel like i didnt develop nornally and im blank for protection? Like you cant turn into yourself when you live with ptsd and shit. 

Man idk. All i know is i don't know nothing .
Its so hard living feeling empty",0.7188197707197865,2.88909614696486,2.81626855854163,91.26802621687656,84.33546325878595,5.982672429994363,19.11003570757377,7.285733465282438,0.4079615485810928,1166,31,254,18,34,393,177,313,0.147,0.687,0.166,0.7582,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,3,0,13,19,3,0,11,1,33,6,1,2,2,49,55,21,1,5,11,2,7,8,0,3,1,0,1,5,13,13,3,1,12,3,1,3,13,7,0,0,12,10,38,12,26,32,6,27,0,1,2,1,23,10,2,7,20,158,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993150319311229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526795814295763,0.06716897204144331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855866756259547,0.10609322887759624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24197412996419845,0.0,0.09809031705109984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533958102716649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273829152536864,0.0,0.0,0.1003646252897452,0.11009568271481636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410445232892913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508265753897128,0.0,0.0,0.126896445374865,0.0,0.0,0.09179161468437078,0.0,0.0,0.09055895788701183,0.0,0.2428598477646101,0.27450761666134194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880801976059652,0.0,0.0,0.10918880245327577,0.0,0.07682977197187751,0.2118179813967525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605292446841815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075274697689484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627866783552146,0.0,0.15837993238552253,0.0,0.0,0.1017160725707528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37544937871294093,0.0,0.2544742303991112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089644161309747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190688681092472,0.0,0.11250696843642148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412062766576483,0.09217433791598044,0.0,0.0,0.1023031813480994,0.0,0.07305968430355733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199792445863762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772986257866066,0.0,0.0,0.11229165182280612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654919116641377,0.0,0.20042779393175614,0.0,0.09860653867313347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278649757398414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799336842559395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442242609081572,0.08396265721894587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155282314861855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179161468437078,0.0,0.0,0.1044881636933738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624975779894695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417543298478993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061860951708619764
bpd,farr12c,2019/06/04,How do I convince my daughter (21) diagnosed with BPD to go into therapy and stay in it? I feel like she just gives up and I know it’s part of the illness to just feel hopeless but she just seems to genuinely believe that there’s no point to it and it won’t help her. I want her so bad to be happy and thrive and I know that it will always be tough for her but I feel that with a lot of work she can have some semblance of stability and success. She was having a major breakdown a few weeks ago and I finally convinced her to go to the emergency room to get admitted. She nearly bolted 4 times and eventually when she calmed down she just simply decided she didn’t need it and walked out. Nothing I could say to stop her. I feel like it would be the best thing for her just to get away from everything and just focus on herself.,2.9476033792796805,4.1017876820809285,4.264739884393062,88.1889639839929,73.91329479768787,7.635215651400622,25.44642063139173,8.139509932561175,1.3399883503779462,651,21,143,10,13,215,102,173,0.102,0.7120000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,0,0,6,0,13,2,0,1,0,39,28,15,0,4,8,1,4,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,11,14,0,1,9,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,5,25,8,26,19,6,20,0,1,0,0,20,10,0,3,8,109,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868734457379865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956932082478418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575929648398828,0.0,0.14005208381701226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889803983223208,0.17602799297390298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125691139999347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392309791334295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024793803854588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074979538610125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392483079040897,0.2396604598195216,0.0,0.18374597269960447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752696859105034,0.16090711566005225,0.1906558289446558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855749201503013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242952789920536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843660193396472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389412402408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260267050160222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437370137698366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094667592234266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816411328779366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856420511664548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333899521345484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270004239956125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878365823308973,0.0,0.14023433626388934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182009082087803,0.0,0.11143597128629684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780788237209516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893470678455904,0.0,0.1345472501424339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211339606109435,0.0,0.0,0.11915444208070262,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NoLimitLanger,2019/06/04,"i just don't want to wake up tomorrow i'm so sick of it.  i finally found an amazing girl who makes me endlessly happy when i am with her but holy fuck all ive done for the last month is scare her with my problems.  i feel like she is going to leave me even though i know she loves me, i just can't fucking convince myself that she isn't going to leave me no matter how many times she tells me

​

it's sad that i'm scared of killing myself because i know it would upset her and that's the only reason keeping me from just fucking doing it

​

what did i do to deserve this????   why was i born like this?  i just want to not wake up tomorrow :((((",1.6284761904761886,3.1665985142857167,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,78.14285714285714,5.80952380952381,22.380952380952376,6.42735559955562,0.30873809523809514,512,15,116,4,12,168,84,140,0.267,0.626,0.106,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,4,3,3,0,13,7,2,3,1,23,29,6,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,3,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,9,0,0,4,1,27,6,13,24,1,12,0,1,0,4,11,2,3,0,10,80,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915632813694028,0.3269787140429585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820186149812096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768831587502348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886703821052451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680310163372777,0.09612041845167184,0.0,0.14738968453950044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752386348265886,0.0,0.3731596576477079,0.0,0.0,0.15293234497013966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432278053967727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959157403523385,0.14885634357372915,0.0,0.14788704770525038,0.10967377959911746,0.0,0.2849317356705096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314657561353937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143393922267327,0.0,0.08981118107313825,0.1364095609712246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739414824674667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023290721418286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874332781082634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383367460252191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694100792199297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176000264671113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219176467746838,0.0,0.07845544975218224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587186375706129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140775870592987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557834314260724,0.0,0.3269787140429585,0.0
bpd,arianaxande,2019/06/04,"Feeling out of control TW: suicide mention

I've really been struggling lately and things only seem to be getting worse. I have no friends anymore and I'm so horrible and nasty to my mum that I barely recognise who I am. I'm turning 21 next month but I honestly don't think I'm going to make it. Yesterday I ended up by the train tracks and eventually A&E where I managed to calm down somewhat but I nearly went back today. I'm so scared for myself and I don't know how to get better. I feel so lonely.",0.7759615384615408,3.2286715961538484,3.0742307692307698,87.27076923076925,87.84615384615385,5.123076923076923,24.34615384615385,6.67199483983844,1.0919269230769233,402,17,77,5,13,137,75,104,0.201,0.6729999999999999,0.126,-0.8084,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,2,1,0,6,0,0,3,0,17,21,11,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,2,11,4,12,18,1,14,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,7,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292548479544851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098378350021914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626976418958168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713185140839475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731324879075186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740362449481526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396988308457707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634718921423457,0.0,0.22109135597011392,0.0,0.12024998939777863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628289569546185,0.0,0.2386797912785689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123622539045655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888703551333456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502558897446934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609217440894142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554829961883488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118358884523528,0.0,0.0,0.19262121259264325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119707989040044,0.0,0.2314422619199401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056925969568132,0.1355766555676271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005601048345252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301463207584544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614362972569274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156256261584261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bumblebeeka,2019/06/04,"Lamictal (Lamotrigine) and PMS I’m currently on lamotrigine and sitting at 75mg/day. I’m slowly ramping up, and will be taking 100mg/day in a few days. 

I noticed that when I went from 50mg to 75mg, my moods started to darken again. It’s like I lost the mood stability and much more consistent baseline I had achieved on 50mg that I was taking for a month. However, right when I started to move up in dose as recommended by my psych, which was just over a week ago, my PMS symptoms seemed to kick in. I’m not sure if it’s PMS, or if it’s my old irritability, lack of emotion, and low key depression creeping back in since upping my dose. 

When I started lamotrigine I got my period like the next day, so missed my PMS week(s). I‘m also currently not diagnosed because my psychiatrist said that “a diagnosis doesn’t really matter as long as the moods are managed.” 

Does anyone have experience with PMS and mood stabilizers? Is this normal and will my moods even back out again? I’m also not on the pill and couldn’t be pregnant. TIA!",4.140735294117647,5.4565963088235305,5.67870588235294,78.57217647058825,71.20588235294117,9.165490196078432,28.796078431372557,9.558583805096642,2.575292549019608,813,31,162,19,15,276,119,204,0.09300000000000001,0.845,0.062,-0.7231,3,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,12,0,0,8,0,12,10,0,0,1,23,28,20,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,2,10,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,7,1,17,3,25,16,4,39,0,4,0,0,1,15,0,4,23,100,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286136509766105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397211903927625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480099152496672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23050003949406475,0.0,0.09136668667721122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386646007277063,0.0,0.12909316199733314,0.15212709271054636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116276349937706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859709605267215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899565894855597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661337316119633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198743413301289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644956577670834,0.0,0.0,0.13264086892291652,0.0,0.0,0.16361392737412572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963439636324576,0.15930086460188508,0.1101805284648128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940122592251282,0.0,0.14685255412630568,0.0,0.17064167026746704,0.15727596443479835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601825832086043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279984239528583,0.1425721212226645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644695950304514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239839536649115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182617901489397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412620276569664,0.15578480492030208,0.2253852481362509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24045262729388103,0.0,0.0,0.13894213177113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ceezaydie,2019/06/04,"Kleptomania? Not sure if this is due to BPD, or otherwise, but I recurrently steal things that I need from chain pharmacy stores like Walgreens and CVS when I don't feel like paying for them. I know that stealing is wrong, and that I shouldn't do it, and that I could get caught, but my impulsive voice tells me to just do it, and I am quite successful at stealing items and then leaving unnoticed. Then I feel guilt for stealing the items, but also enjoy the success of procuring them without having to pay. Does anyone experience anything similar?",8.99529411764706,7.9976110784313725,8.21501960784314,72.49958823529414,60.764705882352935,11.689411764705882,38.047058823529404,10.793553405168565,3.999409411764706,438,18,79,9,5,137,70,102,0.21600000000000005,0.608,0.17600000000000002,-0.7317,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,3,3,12,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,20,15,14,0,4,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,4,6,0,0,1,3,12,6,9,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,58,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096221091666808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757127847447246,0.0,0.20679611255184294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164999174466865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064029693931648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219911797531026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581679718969104,0.0,0.0,0.25412674249098155,0.17952670813333654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129236992523485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810632162109315,0.0,0.0,0.2660873588131724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24554215234834645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633362552490385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26728541303605224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368445555439105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964475361339345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669506359767095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24224144990605626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27475394438771256,0.0,0.0
bpd,lavenderlover84,2019/06/04,"Untitled I broke up with my ex a year ago. There were a lot of reasons why. Our relationship was tumultuous sometimes. Otherwise, I felt loved. It wasn’t always healthy, but when it was good, it was really good. Neither of us really wanted to separate. We cried in each other’s arms and said goodbye. I never felt whole again. My whole life quickly became in question. I changed scenery, but it wasn’t enough to fill me. I met new people. I thought I fell in love again, but what really happened is that I became him in almost every sense. I listened to his favorite songs, and every artist he ever showed me. I stopped listening to my own. I dressed like him. I became so interested in his hobbies that I made them my own. I found myself borrowing his lines. I cut my hair in a similar fashion. I did all of it unintentionally. I repressed my aches for him. I distracted myself with everything and everyone around me, never quite feeling whole. I got trapped in a desolate blur for a year, and now, I wonder, is it too late for us? I hate myself for JUST now allowing myself to feel empty without him. Why not sooner? Maybe, had I presented my feelings several months ago, he would still be here. I chose to repress them instead. Now, nothing holds meaning to me anymore. These walls don’t mean shit to me. I don’t give a fuck about green pastures, rolling hills, and Hobbiton. It’s only his voice, smoldering in the back of my mind. And I hate myself for it. He said we would be together in the future, but we aren’t, and I don’t have the energy to give enough of a fuck about myself to make it through this and be well. No one else is going to pick me up, either. I don’t expect them to. That’s on me. And I think I’m deciding to quit this time. Writing it out helps. But that’s all I’ve got in me. I’m fading like a streetlight. And I’m probably going to hurt those around me when I lose my spark. Call me selfish for giving up, but if only you knew how much it stings. I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy.",1.4796726959517628,3.778736185185189,3.2047372954349704,88.86178294573645,82.20987654320987,6.335343095033017,22.99885156474304,7.5712925761633665,1.1035190927361471,1565,55,322,26,43,519,209,405,0.182,0.7040000000000001,0.114,-0.9864,2,1,0,0,0,0,62.0,6,1,3,3,23,22,6,3,11,0,23,8,3,6,5,70,61,21,0,7,11,1,6,2,0,3,1,6,0,0,22,19,0,4,15,3,1,4,14,14,1,1,19,13,74,8,49,36,15,48,0,3,1,4,37,19,3,6,27,235,96,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496550976635418,0.0,0.08752743119881314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273124357474008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668618494291827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556249838265415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721208248746073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925430470800629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246707271704196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601462055273297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301895662344267,0.0,0.0,0.18063361002697464,0.0,0.0,0.07906639408516666,0.14729161043769606,0.08352299179959549,0.07855752268676064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325897652615212,0.0,0.1678525875447426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583939543430682,0.0,0.1616163204385942,0.0,0.2515518715607728,0.09935303440593483,0.14662895024005618,0.1398178349174315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729544048784369,0.0,0.0,0.17259647169868786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058588372647422636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357308236391704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860109607352308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173952212169506,0.0854071896633266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977882499701366,0.0,0.07431195839722586,0.15777996922749254,0.08270845625244046,0.05834614884731796,0.0,0.08781403278714002,0.1904279296054752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825811592945719,0.0,0.06976898515378427,0.0,0.06425563122629921,0.0,0.1348303323735981,0.08442010277417912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387123917976377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059230562601179176,0.13295688138725073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605983559423518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424162546620428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791802173266594,0.18594034260174497,0.0,0.0,0.16798922323994206,0.0898709523491073,0.0,0.09384449394896058,0.0,0.0,0.16629184434090688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874722672913508,0.08972402489380045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864496806357884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980489557208043,0.07307779107956916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600812188304801,0.0,0.06939293784525437,0.05096885815805415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028439445379896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155605984625152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859113802896536,0.0,0.15774595269840214,0.2927668931964208,0.1005159718125147,0.08425910279997226,0.09479127112892406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418561183461635,0.0,0.0,0.11257698821489336
bpd,bbear30197,2019/06/04,How I feel about things I was sexually assaulted as a child. Now I just feel like a complete idiot for not telling my mom sooner. I don't know how to feel about it. I need some help.to process I guess.,1.4264285714285734,3.3608028333333344,2.833571428571432,93.44892857142858,80.19047619047619,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.8520285714285718,157,6,36,2,4,51,32,42,0.171,0.765,0.064,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,11,8,3,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,7,1,5,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34490666195092257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4989938087349464,0.2350079727488205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623848048824729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049390582490244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078695368192346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607124757306563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852721449981161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439185124311547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875241729117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854536808457886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,edwardeggwards,2019/06/04,"I think about admitting myself a lot So Idk if this even belongs under venting so sorry if it doesnt. 

I am constantly stuck on the thought of admitting myself into the hospital. I feel like if I simply focus on getting better and not worry about every single aspect of my life like school, work, and relationships it’ll help a lot. I can’t help but feel like trying to get better with my daily life going on around me isn’t going to help matters because everything gives me anxiety and terrifies me. I also feel like if I don’t get help I’m going to kill myself. Like I constantly have this impending doom feeling, almost sort of like I’m a ticking time bomb and if I don’t get help soon I’m just gonna snap and kill myself. I have such vivid thoughts of hurting myself a lot. A good part of me is convinced I’m just a lost cause, especially since admitting myself or reaching out for help is unbelievably terrifying and I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to do it. I don’t even know where to start to explain what goes on in my head most days, I really struggle putting it into words. I feel like most people in my life think I’m okay but I feel like I’m on autopilot. I do the same thing day in and day out. I’m not going anywhere. I just feel so fucking lost, and I don’t have faith in myself to do what I need to do to get better. I’m just ruining my life and if I don’t fix it I should just kill myself.",2.6497993311036794,3.8694511036789336,4.555585284280936,85.55571906354517,74.75250836120401,7.474247491638796,24.37123745819397,8.04050195162591,1.2816769230769234,1116,34,237,17,23,382,129,299,0.16899999999999998,0.609,0.222,0.8435,0,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,0,6,18,26,4,1,10,1,22,6,1,1,1,62,64,22,3,8,16,0,7,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,10,15,0,0,17,0,0,5,11,10,0,0,5,8,38,16,33,56,8,30,2,5,1,1,12,16,1,14,17,155,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278443075540186,0.0,0.0,0.06611305978792206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324413233441757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359593170360032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503963058836636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193509635289773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492729119176916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786789116254041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995050679909512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092086337146476,0.07478188650773004,0.0696550324745302,0.0,0.07430059020475664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926114195889314,0.2953057675422817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642926854497394,0.21596449061172948,0.07930686493514927,0.18793843905769048,0.06934165673337955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484569665440106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324812584172817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850247575448374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743941661969311,0.0,0.04543456929925735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335757430077245,0.32311632967439385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049330298918612,0.21085526297212526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130051052203313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895261140734896,0.0,0.05731460791995505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310856028860839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052962033458105566,0.0,0.0,0.08875917989009598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366884624472429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068387433984966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254494324398946,0.05851592489829169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642710516423767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492384527226723,0.1589193384609521,0.0,0.13126524517589774,0.04820692040285248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561291085402847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018646576606253,0.08395779886462927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anniemarno,2019/06/04,"Almost two years on Cipralex: What now? I've been on 20 mg of Cipralex for almost two years now, have never missed a dose.

I struggle a lot with disassociation. All things considered, my dosage has been great and depression-wise it's been very helpful at mitigating those really low nights, but I wonder some times when this will end. Will I be on it the rest of my life? Is two years a long time on the same dose? My doctor continues to say 'if it works for you, don't change anything' but 20mg seems like a lot..

I'm in a really wonderful relationship with a partner that I think will be with me for life. Things have gotten a lot better in my life. There are still a ton of ups and downs but they have improved.

I don't know maybe I'm just rambling..

Anyone have any input/experienced the same thing?",2.337846790890272,4.414208913043482,3.40096894409938,89.79656728778471,77.88198757763976,6.777805383022777,20.671221532091085,7.793537801064563,0.6481847619047612,629,16,136,10,15,202,99,161,0.011000000000000001,0.828,0.161,0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,2,6,6,0,1,11,0,17,6,0,0,2,25,26,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,3,6,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,4,1,12,3,19,17,9,24,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,10,15,94,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26808861767847897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103132904056832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360001789354752,0.0,0.11015772052835608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839081347046004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416091467895342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370143002649324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856275339697996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758426581754433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897254473252045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735675220999219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836538713927127,0.06539862733043221,0.0,0.0,0.11846441072690622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34141622684734513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448322623111686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324328308305802,0.0,0.0,0.12562121755606392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151194022432042,0.0,0.0,0.14371860521284424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645311198575766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186371202378025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690304573546866,0.0,0.0,0.13994251661820548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667975902401428,0.08577390978314071,0.0,0.0,0.1561130098426616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392293663215655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045087133634914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903371034300816,0.09745374983522452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586098615562913
bpd,MolecularNerds,2019/06/04,Disassociation Last night I was a whirlwind of confusion and emotions about my medication and the choices that I am making recently and today I woke up and the lay in my bed staring at the ceiling when suddenly it felt like my entire world was going blurry and things were moving in front of me and it reminded me of when I first started medication and I'll admit it scared me quite a lot for a moment because I thought something was seriously wrong but luckily I managed to snap out of it and the world stopped moving. But now I find my frame of mind has completely changed from last night and it's like my emotions don't exist entirely if that makes sense it's like a complete dissociation from the world around me and it's a very empty feeling and very numb but I can't say I'm a big fan of suddenly not caring about anybody or anything suddenly out of the blue and not being able to control it.,7.591260086902545,6.526606363128497,8.185661080074487,71.79973308504034,63.58100558659218,11.084047175667283,37.76598386095593,10.25414643259724,3.7797518311607696,725,32,137,14,9,243,102,179,0.111,0.7829999999999999,0.106,0.2724,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,0,2,12,0,9,3,0,3,0,34,20,19,0,1,7,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,11,15,0,2,5,0,0,4,4,5,0,1,7,5,17,4,21,12,1,31,0,0,2,0,2,11,0,4,19,94,28,1,0.140540007262279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156524511921727,0.1251104026752577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567188398189901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143289903904378,0.0,0.1486726927435472,0.0,0.2947070474579333,0.0,0.15762756850402387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161771840044684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106125042654282,0.0,0.13494044658801865,0.0,0.12845102054081686,0.11954325838239856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987212487289147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911772708730965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059822457951357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948208841616995,0.0,0.0,0.18762309231722527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831585435161857,0.0,0.0,0.14190534388233328,0.0,0.0,0.298743572448992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26377455274892303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494815971348697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876630229869286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176305463781423,0.14070506467203725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819456375402764,0.0,0.0,0.09947494049568867,0.0,0.0,0.11749773903621726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336853599681713,0.0,0.0,0.11157306729510154,0.0,0.0,0.1332154939729194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319204490632481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365843560134987,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachwithbeestings,2019/06/04,"I told a guy after our first date that I didn’t want to see him again because BPD reared it’s ugly head. I felt psychotic by crying on my way home because it wasn’t about him at all, it was me. He was great but I thought he was too good for me (super good looking, does interesting things, has a lot of friends) while my fucked up brain thinks he doesn’t think I’m good enough for him. I don’t think I’m good enough for anyone. Seriously. I know I will become attached too quickly and once he finds out who I really am, that I have bipolar disorder and crippling insecurities and depression, along with my erratic BPD behavior, he will be the one to ditch me. He texted, asking to see me again and seemed really hurt when I said no. I ended it in “it’s not you, it’s me” and I don’t think he bought it. I kinda want to tell him that I’m just fucked up because I don’t want his ego to take a blow. At the same time he is seriously hot, like so hot. Slim but built, covered in tattoos, former vet, down to earth. I’m positive he has no problem getting dates. That doesn’t mean this didn’t hurt him. No one likes rejection. I’m so fucked up and I think I’ll never have a relationship, not a healthy one anyway. I just don’t know if I should tell him that I’m really messed up and I’m so sorry. What do you guys think? 

Side note: I work at the same place as him. Long story short, he already worked there, I started yesterday. Met him online and date had been planned before I started the job. He works days, I work nights and we will rarely if ever see each other. 

I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to be in a relationship and it’s devastating. I feel suicidal about it sometimes. I’m 40 and I don’t want to be alone forever.",1.0348432055749122,2.8566607615176167,2.9759148277197056,92.50473170731709,80.95121951219512,6.3851645373596595,20.56995741385985,7.447530270364453,0.4544594812233833,1347,37,314,20,35,452,178,369,0.21899999999999997,0.6809999999999999,0.099,-0.9953,1,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,2,2,0,7,17,22,3,1,10,0,32,6,2,1,3,55,75,23,1,9,9,0,4,2,1,4,1,1,1,2,19,16,0,0,15,0,1,0,18,12,0,4,14,9,46,10,33,53,8,38,0,4,4,3,36,16,3,5,23,190,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825787541947702,0.09403776110171308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059584873019883015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966527545346609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584029343688394,0.0941141628167326,0.072512374585193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465264942743967,0.0951290222123718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360556161976473,0.05495714523311585,0.0,0.07339624896119251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976646965886587,0.0,0.07457292621306434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547591084951878,0.17610141472875146,0.0,0.0,0.07708257535139533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308767203331303,0.0,0.08182053751817454,0.0,0.07788570299826536,0.07248452117091432,0.0,0.0,0.06583752043749391,0.23634191888410055,0.04452174155591428,0.0,0.0,0.2858999006177152,0.0,0.0939507271085389,0.0,0.16875409137884678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745600186120556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854784016314354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245056589806294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456353858022439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049713540749662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832642769276027,0.0,0.0,0.07541330684964087,0.07155981500913605,0.0,0.0,0.07244743103490735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282499475702066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572368308365385,0.0,0.0,0.07996926138619005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075205239698324,0.17323330693036404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903238015743058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154001783081652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377428246780926,0.0,0.0,0.1829797693402441,0.0,0.0,0.0810597458632253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037178936999929,0.0775772694288032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428061123584722,0.09539211825390416,0.12063237237971824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932122608331071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407168098001255,0.0,0.14896474121164327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661359507626613,0.3276170862697879,0.0,0.06765183137794083,0.049690021848104726,0.0,0.0,0.08142735461075154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513124516364716,0.06764034044534503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24815248714364185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hawkbit92,2019/06/04,"Friend with BPD I have a friend with BPD. I've posted on here before seeking advice on how to better understand her and be a better ally for her. There's just something on my mind that she told me that makes me question if she is truly ""ok"" like she says or if I should step in and try and get her to get better care for her BPD. 

My friend is someone who I've known for a good while now. Almost ten years to be exact. I am her only friend. A few weeks ago we got into a small fight because she has consistently not shown up to our agreed plans and left me waiting hours for her. I told her how I felt, but she hurled insults at me and told me I wasn't allowed to be upset at her for treating my time/commitment to her poorly because she has BPD, anxiety, depression, and PMDD. I asked her if everything is really ok with her and she was insistent that it was, but she had tears welling up in her eyes as she and I were speaking. I asked her if she is getting the proper help she needs and she said yes, but really that help is just her boyfriend. She doesn't go to therapy, she's not on a mood stabilizer, doesn't take cbd or just smoke pot to help. She told me all she wants is to have a baby. She said ""some women with BPD have children and their BPD is stabilized."" She also said, ""some women may get postpartum, but I don't think that will happen to me."" I hoenstly told her that having a child doesn't fix things. That she should not have a baby right now. It would not be fair to the cild or to her. She and I are 27 years old. She is of course in charge of her body, but as her friend I don't think its right. She got upset at me that I said that, but should I have just lied? What about her boyfriend? Maybe he's not ready since they've only been together a year now. She told me she's not on birth control and has had close calls, but that her parents would just help with a pregnancy. That sounds like she's not mentally/emotionally ready for a baby to me.  Am I a good friend for being honest with her? Sometimes I find myself thinking that she is seriously ill, but than I feel guilty for labeling her. She's told me she hears voices, but she doesn't get the help for that. I try to be a good friend, but she also tells me I scare her. It's very confusing. Should I just give her space again and let her makes plans? As someone who doesn't suffer from BPD, she makes me feel guilty for that. Sorry if this was a little flighty, I just feel very confused.",2.50309223300971,3.742232433009712,3.476686893203887,93.06823422330099,75.15533980582525,6.781067961165049,21.030339805825246,7.268377926160553,0.31799126213592244,1913,42,442,21,40,613,205,515,0.105,0.743,0.153,0.9764,2,0,2,0,1,0,58.0,2,0,1,6,19,32,2,5,18,3,51,3,2,7,2,90,91,39,0,13,32,1,4,2,7,8,1,9,0,4,23,22,0,2,11,0,1,2,15,10,1,1,22,14,98,21,52,54,4,37,0,2,1,0,101,21,0,15,15,304,121,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058611463532546974,0.053168380429765516,0.0,0.06006100024495936,0.0,0.0,0.09593148044587588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588430231347378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214583585858882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312613041858132,0.0,0.05103830252051023,0.0,0.0,0.15914149742928946,0.0,0.06662391941496024,0.5287962809578619,0.0,0.061245974473473776,0.0,0.061153296236554126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672723278410949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051660423200607264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746908354955627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390588212986319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098260756405373,0.0,0.05758991303390696,0.0,0.054820354379344835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243811436541583,0.0,0.15668457468601027,0.057537988614920176,0.034087842760049045,0.15092436672137072,0.09594248228479267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530398459830222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760147517669977,0.0,0.20101562537210252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906791734107233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516811384603585,0.061333301632352566,0.0,0.058606098328633525,0.0601154113724829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011073599034347,0.0,0.06025766519708856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605623934103376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04447418365849815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293859997133842,0.0,0.0,0.09123452129458792,0.0,0.0,0.06660035290354639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057443967653208326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671909851200035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684905665171253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244466318908517,0.22821769968337385,0.047698260675291135,0.0600501379888894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049615823311742316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164120144344713,0.04617529936268341,0.05932145178634182,0.06714235766469058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509726588823168,0.0,0.052424896925123435,0.0,0.0685920082308997,0.0,0.03984784402393803,0.1152976995690606,0.0,0.0,0.034974642353695615,0.0,0.0,0.4011921809607827,0.0,0.08144455113179393,0.0,0.0,0.062440977534157525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989790595040391,0.035377577984909946,0.0,0.04811209321046917,0.0,0.05392894885361755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521570850031365,0.0,0.0,0.11587487072583905
bpd,pinkspiderxx,2019/06/04,"I feel like I have a ""light self"" and a ""shadow self."" When I'm having good days, when I feel clear-headed, I can see things for what they are. I recognize that I am successful in my field, that I have loving friends, I have so many privileges in the world. I see that I have strong feelings for this guy who currently lives far away, and it's a bit of a gray romantic relationship but dating is not a priority for me right now - work and my mental health journey are - and so I feel okay. I know that my life isn't perfect, but I rationally know that it's pretty good, there are things to look forward to, and I'm not a bad and out of control person. This is my ""light self."" Sometimes this light self also steers into hypomania, where I feel like EVERYTHING IS AMAZING!!! THE SUN IS SHINING AND WHO CARES HE'S NOT TEXTING ME, I'M GOING TO SELL MY SCREENPLAY TO NETFLIX AND HE WON'T GET TO BE MY DATE TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES which also isn't super healthy, haha. 

​

When I'm having bad days (or even just hours), I feel like none of my friends actually love me, they're sick of my problems, I've accomplished nothing in my career, the guy who lives far away (my FP I guess) hates me and I'm a stupid weak sl\*\* for having feelings for him in the first place, I've slept with so many guys, and I feel like all I'm good for is providing sex. I feel so guilty for having so many privileges yet having all these mental health problems when other people have so much less, I could barely look at myself in the mirror at the gym this morning bc I felt so ugly. I feel like everyone can see how much of a fucking broken mess inside I am. In the past this is the self I did things I'm not proud of from and still might in the future, who knows.

​

I feel like they're two completely different people and completely different brains. They feel equally valid to me. It feels more extreme than ""I'm a bit sad right now"" or ""I'm in a bad mood."" When I'm in one place it's hard to remember the other exists. I try not to make any big decisions or post on social media or have any contact with my FP when I'm in my ""shadow self."" DAE?",3.035541718555418,4.227535538812788,4.215130759651308,88.48235990037365,73.7488584474886,7.226899128268991,23.77501037775011,7.686295010490155,0.9538803652968032,1658,46,359,21,33,543,196,438,0.134,0.6859999999999999,0.18,0.9611,3,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,0,0,2,9,24,36,3,0,21,2,31,11,2,3,3,58,74,34,0,3,12,0,15,6,2,2,5,0,0,10,26,16,0,1,19,2,1,3,9,11,0,3,3,25,46,24,43,67,10,49,0,1,7,4,26,27,1,6,26,225,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.06089725088142674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998088285381348,0.0,0.13522930208625994,0.15165525332756213,0.0848736484437957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726112577539065,0.0,0.1563140686412424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625789637653116,0.0,0.0,0.0696634436334873,0.0,0.0,0.0636249834803669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308587033359425,0.0,0.06999133343554778,0.0498244742225707,0.0,0.0,0.08049076717423956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039768626667858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121721877747861,0.0,0.0,0.05962964609776411,0.05608464418238547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410193041496507,0.2674883553733303,0.05991757584487919,0.0,0.0,0.05308076586362308,0.0,0.0,0.09642627007616696,0.05769144389906114,0.03260348694030578,0.0,0.03546560146324625,0.1570244112809108,0.0,0.0,0.06874498365345663,0.185369157476136,0.0,0.0,0.05590167957469323,0.06161097862615932,0.06404445367331768,0.13266495610270046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145531796859969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028867326237868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407775362256103,0.18292449961736573,0.0,0.11020765786996282,0.0,0.1048071981268278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126439980613465,0.0,0.041655119530211664,0.18980342423153612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577700302790207,0.06620072668244513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917481634040609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059878270669112485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228652985221349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059571629041688376,0.08652607961215966,0.054488719923709385,0.13039768626667858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976573165973392,0.06348724923063058,0.0,0.11942429983879073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699848558858001,0.07069150759388942,0.10658526038962993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918360007127815,0.0,0.3906055622205271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361296576086746,0.0,0.0,0.06171909974136916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983587308320888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437522948611647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042368184049160235,0.0,0.06095958905835616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543081700673817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165525332756213,0.0
bpd,metsalehti,2019/06/04,"In love in an hour I need to know how to stop doing this. I imprint on people so hard and break my own heart over it, I become sick with anxiety over ""I bet they don't love me back, why haven't they messaged me back"" after literally one day. I'm so tired of this. I don't know how to stop developing intense feelings for people immediately, as soon as someone shows me basic kindness I feel like my brain just latches onto them",3.8869696969696967,4.632221636363635,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,71.27272727272728,7.684848484848485,27.166666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.4769257575757575,336,11,70,4,6,114,62,88,0.153,0.6920000000000001,0.155,0.2943,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,2,0,13,12,7,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,14,4,15,12,1,15,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,9,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327027042707128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081197355023286,0.0,0.0,0.22127526471915948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236613379168787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921176256274314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261001638764128,0.14313294586934489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947784079204365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374204683294876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730834311436307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863787170208212,0.2202186500531683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978828497613168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616546354966038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855996087270965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576506341500602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27780048934381424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975930379565746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350098497949689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027746298749804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078833233244307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HuxleysValve,2019/06/04,"DAE feel really uncomfortable eating around other people? I get such an uncomfortable feeling when eating around other people - like they’re watching me and thinking about how disgusting I am. It’s this mixture of shame and embarrassment, even if the people around me are eating too.",9.335,10.769270833333335,8.595833333333335,61.93250000000001,59.41666666666666,10.566666666666666,32.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,3.8656166666666683,232,8,31,5,3,73,37,48,0.27,0.659,0.071,-0.9039,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,2,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,10,6,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,1,5,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5488954459030502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6309250664890372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575053292502376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078441435470889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738086796334084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041150698919853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274655751038369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316676900384381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169523418533494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nativemercurian,2019/06/04,"started crying and panicking during sex and now i just feel broken i wish i even knew what else to say

i just feel very alone

bpd is terrible sometimes",1.4740000000000002,4.165619400000004,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,88.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8913333333333333,122,4,23,2,4,39,24,30,0.39,0.5379999999999999,0.073,-0.8955,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252956768542333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395577043703933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34500586355268564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623763760202651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074491216286374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31762000550166514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497717238007268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106365108762085,0.0,0.22230984508342533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591516961257378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611804062379013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JohnBapp,2019/06/04,"Man I just love it when my BPD gf gets offended at A JOKE, that isn't funny. Guess I forgot that I can't drink and joke around without walking on eggshells. Gotta love drama spouting outta nowhere, and being made to feel like a bad person for acting like a regular human. Whatever, I'm sick of this stupid shit.",4.8364285714285735,5.280056730158734,5.536626984126986,83.42017857142856,69.0,8.204761904761906,28.448412698412696,8.07648339933343,1.7834793650793657,246,8,49,3,4,80,52,63,0.26,0.53,0.21100000000000002,-0.4139,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,10,3,0,3,0,3,5,1,1,0,9,12,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,4,3,1,1,1,4,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,1,4,6,7,8,0,6,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,1,3,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367236701913628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220306779979352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349147973490747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604987036097791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445628540595786,0.1899720908563932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893133945097058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929389938259232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598285044047584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800033064079564,0.2516183306629242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321896077505485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272961319641008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25633575755513105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myydixierekttt,2019/06/04,"Why are bpd symptoms not related with animals? I have this question that I’m not sure anyone can really answer but I was wondering why certain symptoms aren’t really the same with animals as people. 

My apathy is one of my biggest symptoms. I don’t have any friends really and my boyfriend is the only person I spend time with, not even family. So I was wondering how people I see every single day I can feel little emotion towards, yet when I see dogs I lose my mind with excitement! I loooove dogs and love my dog more than myself obviously but I love her more than anyone besides my boyfriend. 

I know loving dogs is a very common thing for “normal” people but I was just curious as to why I don’t feel apathy with dogs as well as people. 

I still feel other symptoms like intense rage and splitting on her (she is a rescue and very aggressive so it can be very overwhelming when she has a bad day and tries to attack something/someone) where I just feel like I need a break so I just go in another room and calm down. But then once I am done splitting I am back to loving her almost as a FP. 

Does anyone know why this is? 

It’s not only her too I loooove all dogs so much",2.858037974683544,4.626355172995783,4.466099156118144,84.14902215189875,75.32911392405063,7.609198312236288,24.930168776371307,8.395991825355821,1.6796533333333332,924,31,182,17,20,310,122,237,0.10099999999999999,0.691,0.20800000000000002,0.9852,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,17,18,3,1,7,0,22,8,0,1,4,42,39,23,0,2,11,0,4,2,1,0,4,0,1,1,7,11,0,0,10,0,1,1,7,6,1,1,4,6,34,12,21,34,6,20,0,2,2,4,13,8,0,4,12,130,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580693134063367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506380141581435,0.10032592423426352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006992441260008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884666840372388,0.0,0.07356988870735276,0.07988649564814937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050212944526745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340780412425173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372779401147537,0.0979110308903248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076240127351244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319391204741072,0.0,0.08061219788458195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019598307756124,0.0,0.1935091412736986,0.06835183654040017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391999522275786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437557812128552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516341349755973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348612936537047,0.0958937258185404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703835383365667,0.0,0.0,0.3454097640400225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660673388095332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703337772493728,0.07094345819786885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374337711331282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189313380976148,0.06483337128343858,0.1455336987715211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653221943158275,0.08354167206246245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718040112297288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387986207841264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248473949228394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810670116078288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640796428862978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017466266911953,0.3977811295977119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356370424906659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579016574777995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495856284883783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23683121957812775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602532556931076,0.0,0.34533529551690073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075157623239688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrMoveNow,2019/06/04,"What is your sex and what gender do you most identify with? I’ve heard more females are affected by BPD (I’m a male). 

What sex are the redditors in this sub and what gender do you identify as?

How old were you when you were diagnosed?",1.3268750000000011,3.5341196041666656,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,82.125,8.006666666666666,22.1,8.841846274778883,1.6419950000000003,183,6,40,5,5,61,34,48,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.3407,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,2,0,6,9,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,4,6,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,2,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6532189431922529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264167568730371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442337827974939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WhyAreYouOnYourOwn,2019/06/04,"Are there people who come here just to downvote us all and argue? I mean I keep seeing random comments of people who dated someone with BPD and they either argue or just downvote everyone? It’s like most comments I make I get downvoted, even if it’s not something to be downvoted like I explained to someone what karma was and got downvoted, said me too got downvoted, I mean, wtf?",5.484246575342464,6.658624821917813,6.268383561643834,76.1255890410959,67.9041095890411,8.579726027397259,32.40821917808219,8.841846274778883,2.9166679452054787,304,13,51,5,5,100,49,73,0.12300000000000001,0.809,0.067,-0.6298,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,19,14,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,2,9,2,5,9,3,2,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,4,3,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696279646805205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844121260287316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139871190643394,0.0,0.0,0.20456390313912756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184866892417468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424408228550848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902853393559181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209178666822594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429009627670171,0.0,0.0,0.46639469812416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968341039584663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036403869499853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059511787639456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36278086442412577,0.16481028146009835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25751350359869024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,3ogus,2019/06/04,"I Lied... Hi, I posted a few months ago (since deleted) about an ex-girlfriend who I was convinced had BPD and complained about being the victim. I want to admit the truth. I was diagnosed with BPD three months ago now and I've been struggling with it since then. I've been blaming others, claiming the doctors are full of sh\*t, and otherwise destroying myself.

I've basically been drinking non-stop since then. I've met almost all criteria for the diagnosis (according to my psych), and have decided to check myself into an in-patient program in AZ. 

I've done my research and feel really go\*\*\*\*\*\*\* alone right now. I'm really hoping this program helps.",3.7376478067387175,6.629335148760332,4.228429752066116,81.32488239033694,77.67768595041322,7.028862047043865,27.48951048951049,8.139509932561175,2.260419707565162,527,22,88,10,13,166,80,121,0.134,0.755,0.111,-0.5974,0,1,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,1,7,0,10,3,0,0,2,16,17,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,0,1,8,1,9,3,11,8,3,14,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,8,54,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31440028326157005,0.0,0.17757918651418028,0.18366950889040165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467040081690086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999514382829754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815137710250465,0.0,0.1814791578539421,0.0,0.17372450537626333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966782311465925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078572389178324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886645605178048,0.0,0.0,0.17613743737938994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831002682893071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984154450307762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272155460104675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144636184579455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44008945102458297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826317320665386,0.0,0.1853930127657412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459901589683446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kangaskan4,2019/06/04,"Daughter of BPD mother, please help! Sorry this might be redundant...

Can anyone give advice on setting boundaries with a BPD parent?

My mom abused my siblings and I for years. My brothers and I are all grown and married with children, but I do not trust my mom alone with my kids. She lied about being diagnosed, refuses treatment, and continues to hurt others. My dad knowingly allows her to continue at his own expense...my siblings and I don't recognize him anymore as he's become devoid of anything of his own personality. I understand each person seeks help in their own time, but I am concerned with my own family about her unrelenting behavior and how my husband and I can protect ourselves and our kids. 

Can anyone relate or offer advice? Naturally, for years we have tried to kindly/respectfully cater to them the best we can while trying some sort of boundaries, but they continue to be absolutely cruel, manipulative, and destructive to myself, my husband, other family members, and friends which has led me to ask you guys! Thank you so much",6.822405372405374,8.358983841269847,7.1868783068783095,69.43084249084251,65.08465608465609,9.836548636548637,34.11518111518112,10.035473477838034,3.773661457061457,842,37,131,19,13,274,125,189,0.13699999999999998,0.753,0.11,-0.7774,1,1,0,0,1,0,28.0,3,2,3,1,4,7,2,0,2,0,14,1,0,4,1,33,19,18,0,0,5,9,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,4,17,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,32,4,23,15,9,13,0,1,0,0,37,3,0,4,7,102,36,0,0.0,0.16849499114541575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779309351240069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728614329491005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103360105200502,0.19887236360731134,0.0,0.11702629307177748,0.0,0.13294667609320546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570592086521803,0.0,0.0,0.1492400859170485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582157482483995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443396386609928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26812490132635985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098706990537679,0.0,0.0,0.13642030088550078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080975304636706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064004673141025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223820007777594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781546164947537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086179549872308,0.0,0.3331080714089119,0.0,0.0,0.10454033783678426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790680906468696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483436824356692,0.0,0.15610331509235728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591918809689469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092739176053556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292349712093865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310181739656374,0.0,0.0,0.148045094169067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315649782015933
bpd,ponta363,2019/06/04,Dealing With Feelings of Emptiness Hey folks. Any tips on how to deal with chronic feelings of emptiness? I get these often and want to find some coping mechanisms. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.,5.418428571428574,8.873081628571434,5.016785714285717,74.67946428571432,75.57142857142857,5.785714285714287,34.464285714285715,7.1686216300943375,2.8800000000000012,167,9,23,2,4,51,29,35,0.14300000000000002,0.737,0.12,-0.228,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,6,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,7,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291274319250424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054008826832613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6146021078663375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014301922595997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724341014628267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573128558158916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286274750856916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581168125176214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117431129243875,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,durvifefnoevorac,2019/06/04,If you were in a relationship and fell in love with someone else would you leave? If you knew that your partner won’t leave you no matter what and this new person -though they love you they will leave if you things don’t work out.,2.8841489361702126,4.70012076595745,2.5499468085106405,97.70875,75.38297872340425,5.5510638297872354,20.26063829787234,5.985473137389443,-0.3169957446808511,184,4,42,1,4,54,33,47,0.111,0.7070000000000001,0.182,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,7,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,10,8,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,9,2,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,14,3,0,3,1,30,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654405580290476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7093485127384302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030859484330751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567095848829915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949827574247771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397477768175877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920700375331886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835501876655527,0.0,0.21939765431783956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625699040909169,0.0,0.0,0.15863064042027875,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nusskid,2019/06/04,"How to go forward with therapy? Hi all,

I (20 y/o M) check a lot the boxes for BPD, and I would like to pay for counselling. I’ve contacted DBT therapists in my area (Toronto, Canada), unfortunately they are booked for months. I have not seen any counselling or received a diagnosis yet. What path should I take to recovery, given I am willing to pay for therapy? I hope to get help sooner than later.

What sort of recovery can expect if I put in the effort from a younger age?",2.934255319148935,4.7626723723404245,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,75.27659574468085,8.104255319148937,27.707446808510642,8.841846274778883,2.2666212765957447,369,15,73,8,8,126,71,94,0.057999999999999996,0.846,0.096,0.6641,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,1,1,13,13,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,2,15,8,2,11,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,5,6,46,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958690858664905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326059104183213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797355330216668,0.0,0.15008563540586473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701066079686334,0.0,0.0,0.2622960691955865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901862943084774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451568914810316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079018936944624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654784437100387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855911251254385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6040086028068777,0.3066231293731444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759846210948847,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ireallyhatepeoplern,2019/03/18,How long did it take for you to be diagnosed? How long after you started seeing someone before they came to the conclusion that you in fact have BPD?,5.147241379310344,6.286358379310348,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,68.65517241379311,8.558620689655173,28.29310344827586,8.841846274778883,2.192158620689656,119,4,22,2,2,38,24,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,5,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,5,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664284112996275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943434806497617,0.0,0.0,0.35810752180190103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31779393163828684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541743088607655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24950332078849835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652919717723823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161659653465796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23541521389215536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mychem11,2019/03/18,"there’s a hole in my heart  i feel like everyone is disappearing from my life. i’ve never felt so alone in all my life. things have just gotten worse and worse. i have literally no one anymore and i’m running out of things to fucking live for. i need people to stop lying to me, and abandoning me, and treating me like i’m nothing.

i get so worked up about the littlest things, and it’s so hard to shake it off. i’m being ignored and left on read by all the people i care about and it feels like every time i scream for help another piece of duct tape covers my mouth. i feel so silenced, even when i’m explicitly begging for attention and help and fucking LOVE.

i feel so deprived of essential human connection. i feel trapped in my own mind and i’m realizing now that no one will ever save me, not even myself.

i’m so close to giving up. every attempt i ever made at suicide i always had something to stop me, someone to talk me down and help me through an episode. i have nobody anymore.

i don’t blame the people who’ve left me. i know how hard it is to deal with me, i know i don’t make things easy. maybe i deserve this, you know? maybe i really am a horrible monster.

maybe this illness will defeat me after all.",2.4291785239992407,4.048459438247015,3.974217416050085,87.85791500664013,76.13147410358566,6.693302978561943,25.099791310946692,7.447530270364453,1.1351512426484551,953,33,201,12,21,317,134,251,0.209,0.6729999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.9687,0,2,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,0,3,17,15,2,1,6,0,12,8,2,3,7,44,37,19,1,1,2,0,8,3,0,2,3,1,0,1,11,14,0,4,11,1,0,3,6,8,0,2,4,9,35,7,31,30,5,25,0,3,0,3,9,13,2,0,12,132,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763334924763517,0.0,0.0,0.08647263289908941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897279525701124,0.0,0.0,0.20612826839097076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595688018124927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714051042193752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372809130161036,0.18800941478074498,0.17511997227719747,0.09930330699073142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627340863456638,0.14848586236525094,0.09978280633276433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921511039946233,0.054295711688332284,0.09969283980962253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618999143486156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314978486939696,0.2089730874004405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134082564002173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258262581206536,0.0,0.14680840775968065,0.15231524024012547,0.0,0.09176630751964814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937949682093508,0.0983348781575297,0.06936970774004515,0.0,0.3132152118142069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493305605713343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770579190177091,0.08015216887514924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971735006745147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408424342684314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161422985559092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395156999396712,0.0,0.06657602115338047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805399925755819,0.08000534661254509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376930987316805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367538337771295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352973001443899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761684811489679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605985975787425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565750701695048,0.0,0.21181374150324705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xXSEnse,2019/03/18,"Recently figured something out I was diagnosed with BPD 2 months ago. When I was diagnosed I wasn't really sure what it meant, would the medication help me? What would it change? Would I know something changed? I kind of still asking myself these questions.
I recently found this subreddit the other day and I found the term ""FP"" which I honestly had no idea what it meant. Once I figured it out, a lot of my recent actions came alot more clear. I'm not to sure what I'm expecting out of this, but I think I needed to just type it out since I haven't told anyone how I feel. So if you're reading this thanks for listening and I will accept any feedback/tips or advice. Thank you",2.8605555555555564,4.870847296296296,3.831574074074077,87.62958333333336,76.03703703703705,7.462962962962964,24.583333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.5284444444444445,535,18,109,10,12,172,88,135,0.038,0.823,0.139,0.9296,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,9,3,0,1,3,36,25,8,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,15,8,0,0,12,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,10,2,18,7,11,11,4,15,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,5,9,72,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099425226537112,0.1188291815079894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116008859187807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373241073493056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253207054351515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688340453017327,0.0,0.0,0.15331999773185528,0.0,0.0,0.2836188925902912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864525751039313,0.0,0.0,0.2721203097483827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677808169749861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29396262259518263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898523597679912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132860984847593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959473127758024,0.0736715799142633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396638136978987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504348219156406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699918211435827,0.0,0.0,0.09939800309239248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276121134760913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501691362796458,0.0,0.13408847017196002,0.0,0.08587726791534676,0.0,0.3970811074367223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088935992262572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639985588435394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705425508666257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526852123233497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683449903947355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589523296115162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809261580345968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856804968723497,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,THEallister,2019/03/18,"Dealing with black-and-white thinking I have realised that there is no way I can go on with treatment and lead a healthy life if I don't get past my brain's instinct of making everything definite - If I'm doing good, I'm the queen of the world - and if the tiniest thing goes wrong, I'm in a pit of hell from which I don't see a possibility of getting up...

My question is, do you have any strategies you use to handle these black-and-white thoughts? To remind yourself of the gray areas?",9.1093,5.535534130000006,8.674000000000003,77.40200000000002,62.7,11.2,40.0,8.07648339933343,3.1495999999999995,383,15,82,3,4,123,67,100,0.10800000000000001,0.8109999999999999,0.081,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,1,3,1,0,7,0,9,2,1,3,0,13,20,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,2,8,1,13,19,0,10,1,0,2,0,4,6,1,4,1,48,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769593555736527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904929461253658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26827665549808205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23387005682134174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27190969843749024,0.0,0.14788971830577233,0.21826121644028693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838019460503778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369968756064644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484106027955365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933603309163865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915073251197537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073626244409097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287941830978076,0.16673925296084466,0.0,0.20658658473206346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474758738951256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655149517909796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28451105805126725,0.0,0.0
bpd,nope_00,2019/03/18,"My BPD is gonna scare my crush away I have a crush on this guy i met at work. We started fliritng since the day we first met and i think he instantly became my fp since then. All i could think about, and my whole mood of the day would 100% depend on how much he flirted with me or texted me and this has being going on for 4 months now.  


  
The thing is, now he finally asked me out and have been trying to get to know each other and the first few days i was head over heels and full of energy, fully enjoying myself.. but my BPD starts to show its marks and i get super upset when he doesn't reply to a text in a short time or when he kinda seems distant (or at least that's what i see) and this makes me feel like he is annoyed of me, that this is over and he changed his mind. Although at the same time i know i do not show enough of my emotions to him cuz im worried i'm gonna scare him off. So while he is more flirty and open now i am more reserved. But why? Isn't this what i wanted all along?! Why do i second guess it now?!  


And now it's been 3 hours since my last text that he didn't reply and i can't stop crying and my mind won't stop running. I just want to turn it off!! So many things are wrong with my mind and i do not know how to hanlde all this.    
I was only diagnosed 3 weeks ago so all this is so knew to me, i don't know how to handle my emotions and i'm tired of feeling this way, tired of feeling dependent on someone else so i can be happy. This is so unfair.   

  
I don't really know why i'm posting this, i just really needed to share this with people that understand. Sorry if i'm being dramatic  


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bpd,michaelluisfilho,2019/03/18,"Oki doki, time for me to go to sleep, waking up at 5 tommorow Shower and then out for the job... Mmm I don't want to leave who has been following me and my thoughts hanging, because I do care a lot, and okay, I'm not the usual guy, this thing is a bless and a curse!! I've been blessed with a curse!! Or cursed with a bless? 🤔😅 I have my ups and downs all day long, but at the end of the day I still have to eat, smoke a sigarette, drink a glass of wine or a beer, talk to my roommate, read a chapter or an article or something that gets my attention  or watch a movie. I'm a human being also, I'm an earthling ffs 😂 so last song.. This song brings me to that state of mind where I lose myself into the song, and I just.. Let go.. Good night babies :)

https://youtu.be/s_Vg5NN7LBo
https://youtu.be/aBBuYWpK3TU

Like i was so mature lol 😂

Its going to be okay, I'll be back here tomorrow!!! ",0.7162356979405047,2.7460490217391325,2.4237986270022915,94.9337871853547,83.23913043478261,5.1780320366132715,18.379862700228838,6.339386263674448,-0.3227021739130436,676,16,159,6,19,222,116,184,0.076,0.7440000000000001,0.179,0.9544,2,0,5,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,18,3,13,6,2,0,1,24,25,16,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,7,10,4,0,2,7,0,6,2,1,0,0,4,4,15,8,21,17,2,27,3,1,1,0,4,8,0,6,13,98,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243043657814462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465670247748805,0.0,0.11619384933044564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433920127584756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458548599474107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867248523635474,0.0,0.19504121718907386,0.0,0.0,0.1688235388919931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958565431677836,0.0,0.3249835025856604,0.15987429779875106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873348190445416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891506267848385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537227280855526,0.0,0.20182805556730268,0.0,0.19491124083867814,0.0,0.0931222275821693,0.0,0.0,0.16868350707668642,0.0,0.21324339799676845,0.0,0.16204947450494595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246136982037945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887420711904528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066119207587773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907472663893344,0.0,0.0,0.14674059043530466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522210810925223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320478468245768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663255550806646,0.0,0.0,0.1513227393640811,0.11114599667094947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992955674179695,0.0,0.1124264867435184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lolo19952000,2019/03/18,"Breakup advice Hi this is my first real post on anything 

I’ve been seeing this girl for about a year but we just broke up today.
 
She warned me that her BPD would hinder our relationship but I liked her so much I didn’t care and told her that I’d be here for her, then we fell in love and she really was the best person best thing in my life. 

Around February she began going through a lot of stuff that was personal but I tried my best to be there for her. She stopped saying I love you as much and gradually her texts and calls got shorter, she laughed less and became more distant till today where she said she felt nothing at all for anyone, including me. 

We talked for hours about what we should do but neither of us was sure. She kept saying she didn’t know what to do at all and I panicked I thought maybe she might cope better without me. Maybe she will. I broke up with her and instantly regretted it.  It was on good terms and we promised to be friends but I honestly don’t know if I’ll get over her. 

I know she wasn’t there for me the past few months but that when she was okay she was the most amazing person and girlfriend ever. I can’t think of a life without her at all. I’m not suicidal or have any major mental illnesses but I’m obviously heartbroken. 

I want to get back with her already but she says she doesn’t know and it’s killing me so much. I’d do anything for her and if I knew that us separating would help her i would but I’m not even sure if it will and neither is she. 

I really don’t know what to do she’s blaming her BPD for this but with or without BPD I’ll always love her. ",0.9468394437420962,3.0334649144542785,2.3543902233459773,95.43408849557524,82.74631268436579,5.6441972187104925,20.30518331226296,6.868970318607317,0.18064611883691484,1262,36,290,15,35,407,159,339,0.1,0.675,0.225,0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,8,1,0,5,14,22,1,0,6,1,31,6,0,0,7,70,57,33,2,9,21,0,1,1,2,7,3,4,0,4,17,21,0,2,9,0,0,2,14,4,0,1,18,6,63,18,38,29,18,30,0,3,1,3,60,12,0,8,16,213,80,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650070551825728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768400539080364,0.0,0.0736557192770086,0.0,0.0,0.06019662574453913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061895232182198036,0.0,0.1456888116521249,0.07880155458525523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806640497810636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27868879117763856,0.07828873383686158,0.0,0.0,0.33446346953870104,0.0,0.09038880251073712,0.0,0.0902520249522773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058466615692188785,0.0800713949156916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849930680437926,0.0,0.0,0.07529505460206484,0.0,0.0,0.0683903213558765,0.0,0.0924960779840742,0.0,0.0503079478078941,0.07424636418917878,0.0707975190058083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593330804825408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717435490515604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793424883196936,0.0,0.2432413456705949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250485674707092,0.043246393687849834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525652632360304,0.2396782293914624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786044702796713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920732544629822,0.0939057161130201,0.0,0.0,0.07065580804277181,0.0,0.19521712415274886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493731366068702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845023425802116,0.0,0.2318767113718664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847776771008493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075512319916588,0.1134163390254587,0.0,0.0,0.09503733694439688,0.0,0.0,0.08420277725791397,0.2111839366431431,0.0,0.0,0.07053896786869501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400667169411679,0.0,0.0,0.10133420538676573,0.0968264969628712,0.0,0.16685807783169815,0.0,0.0,0.07114901141506269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588087451448481,0.05672003254572443,0.0,0.07027498085447424,0.0,0.0,0.16781319211571505,0.08458463976138446,0.0,0.06009925967473801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295728719815327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052211381029967883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559903220679757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864617420162294,0.0,0.0,0.05700396853854376
bpd,lukeonice,2019/03/18,"My now ex fiancé and mother of my newborn has told me to leave and find a place. I have been in 4 psych wards over the past 6 months with one major suicide attempt. She was there for the attempt. I also lied to her at the beginning of the pregnancy about quitting smoking cigarettes and continued to do so for 4 months. I then lied about smoking weed again after she had moved across the country to live with her mother. When I got to where she was, she didn’t trust me at all. Although I gave her full access to my bank accounts, showed receipts for anything close to cigarette purchase pricing, and allowed her to have full access to anything she wanted, she was unable to regain any trust in me. This morning, seemingly out of nowhere she decided she could never trust me again and told me she didn’t need counseling (after I suggested it for us) to tell her that she couldn’t. I’m devastated. I’m trying to keep my head up but I feel lost. 

We’ve been together for 6 years. I feel like she is a good 30-50% of my personality now and I don’t know how I’m going to be going forward but I feel helpless right now. Primarily I’m mostly worried about my son as she has threatened multiple times to use my hospital stays to keep him from me and at this moment says that I can only see him in her presence. Any advice out there? Feeling lost at sea. ",3.7852583025830313,5.036008955719558,4.847267527675278,84.44411162361624,71.98892988929889,7.634022140221402,27.941143911439113,8.07648339933343,1.757976974169741,1061,39,213,15,20,348,147,271,0.099,0.845,0.057,-0.8847,2,0,2,0,0,1,24.0,1,0,0,5,15,8,0,0,7,0,19,1,1,3,2,34,44,16,1,4,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,12,0,2,8,1,4,4,5,3,0,1,14,6,45,5,45,27,5,41,0,3,1,0,33,19,0,2,20,150,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376426311220496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264231073731402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157351151081345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318245988942912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246187316100494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28488364418124845,0.10062739233889027,0.0,0.0,0.1287396246576596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010316357865467,0.11814313949251565,0.11265522904684275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455865993688133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25039816585733154,0.0,0.0,0.07741064911592453,0.0,0.0,0.14914592558465214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881501576283991,0.0,0.12437822811112152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307521430509049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248594682504393,0.14970739517694373,0.0,0.10444277086446838,0.1086366555810251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954475171261188,0.10712716253173253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344627734424918,0.0,0.12298982787839954,0.147164303108376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981745281078193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202900604753515,0.0,0.11201416418559043,0.0,0.0,0.11224381438174083,0.1282298055196688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501335125064111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407335378886333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123114154026699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213413393852759,0.0,0.0,0.2691874545881103,0.0,0.0956318238164226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943215174343892,0.12165416284495913,0.0,0.0,0.08308038433240092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430458747313671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907064996410653
bpd,Disciple4GodsGlory,2019/03/18,"Isolated family member with BPD I have an isolated family member (70 years old) with extreme OCD, anxiety, depression, previous heart attack, on opiods for backpain, and **what I think looks like BPD** (I've done a lot of research on mental illness, I don't think she ever had drug/alcohol problems, so maybe not BPD?).  

Does anyone have suggestions for convincing them to see a psychiatrist to try meds?  They were abused as a child, and now at age 70 still screams in her sleep from nightmares, never sought treatment for it.  Verbally abused their spouse for 40 years (she wouldn't see it that way).  Spouse now recently passed. I see her BPD showing itself much more angry and screaming at the loved ones who are still hanging around, much more depressed, goes into rage spells.  Is 70 too late to get help?  Any recommendations?  Undiagnosed possible BPD+Grieving+70 years old, is help possible?  I read an article that said BPD people are usually impossible to treat.  Is this the case?",4.611393705844577,7.631061549132951,4.732899807321775,78.24850834938988,75.12716763005781,8.699935773924214,27.530186255619782,9.2995712137729,2.966602055234425,780,31,129,21,18,243,121,173,0.209,0.705,0.086,-0.9742,0,0,2,0,2,0,37.0,0,0,3,0,8,11,2,0,7,0,12,4,2,0,2,15,21,5,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,8,7,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,7,12,4,20,16,5,25,0,2,4,1,16,7,0,1,16,77,20,2,0.0,0.2141918615647441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659812311900598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614674739609179,0.0,0.06914717379206335,0.0,0.0,0.0632019407301972,0.0,0.0,0.08046518296731002,0.0,0.1028302928855978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6830490696270758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570345765832752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909983564155151,0.09249911026985977,0.0,0.0,0.10482229507879104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176183168275239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042100586062095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472244099619561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071111464710544,0.12117139572104582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196248752933497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044159395066303404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590381514049878,0.0,0.0,0.07684531342032648,0.08157940826915926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080768449351637,0.0,0.10040156441785736,0.0,0.0910906364961976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289231577538965,0.0,0.06971340396139207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969565149819584,0.0,0.061249780591434336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266420311862439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379954982672904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648986081354593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041324636764997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924802147063647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598043419414292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160844790088108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904540635786605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436920232504408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158349685034634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613680523357661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955047761368226,0.0,0.0,0.07174641097868117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746222437789938
bpd,StuckKoala,2019/03/18,"I'm I the only one here who isn't in a relationship, has tried very hard to get in one, but hasn't been in one in a long time. I feel really fat, ugly, and off-putting and it pushes people away. My emotions are so intense, and as someone who has a co-diagnosis in ASD, it makes it worse. Whenever I see a poster here say ""my boyfriend..."" here it makes me less empathetic towards them. I get angry. I spill my emotions super quickly, don't have the patience to wait for others to open up, and then I blow up and it's ruined. I'm a college student, I haven't been on a date or have done anything in over a year. It makes me feel worthless. Am I alone in this here?",1.3809574468085088,2.823572574468088,3.4705141843971634,91.10875,78.57446808510639,6.118439716312058,23.80673758865248,6.816661863887847,0.6261248226950351,507,17,117,5,12,173,84,141,0.177,0.7490000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9407,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,9,0,13,1,1,3,0,14,24,10,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,6,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,3,5,14,1,18,21,1,21,0,2,1,0,5,14,0,1,6,82,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187181773783266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245186731410768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740563527492017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958365005345007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167815001473976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734441353431655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935797217095053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595512613384228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394784259296055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37098423526898944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766076322989488,0.14089735123813654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843483921369847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623584746242391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868126640807075,0.0,0.0,0.19889817642729074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473249049252886,0.0,0.0,0.14762694881018404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569688299651668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802565516237722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257782839699019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285757095311567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879412323486885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930032717634415
bpd,Brace31,2019/03/18,"I fucking hate myself I really hate myself. Fellas, I didn't expect that I'd be saying this again. For the past 3 months, I've been killing it. I've been going to the gym, gaining a lot of weight, meditating daily, started studying properly, etc. I felt that my self-esteem was finally increasing. I was ACTUALLY able to properly cope with any episode that I got throughout these 3 months (since the year started).

However, today, during psychology class, I was reminded that I am a shitty human being. We were learning about personality disorders, and my teacher decided to make us watch a documentary about BPD. I felt so attacked and uncomfortable. She doesn't know that I do have it, but I felt really really bad about myself. I felt so bad that I was unable to go to the gym today. I feel like such a failure, like I'll never change, that I'm forever the manipulative, emotionally unstable and attention-seeking person that everyone just WANTS me to be. I fucking hate that it's all true. I hate myself.",5.206666666666667,6.833583185185188,6.906746031746034,69.58964285714289,69.0,10.26772486772487,31.489417989417987,10.451354775682146,3.7344751322751333,798,34,135,23,14,276,114,189,0.22399999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.061,-0.9874,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,0,1,8,13,8,0,9,0,15,3,0,2,3,23,35,6,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,14,5,1,0,8,2,0,3,3,10,0,0,13,8,26,3,12,19,4,14,0,0,1,2,7,0,2,1,13,89,40,2,0.11341430235934155,0.0,0.11067599889291664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712561474649651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902514195404535,0.0,0.0,0.18939241030295167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284134356572056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997729369635382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998261625816307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275758250064945,0.0,0.0,0.12648692684755294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837222616750304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057345678991379635,0.08102320026676274,0.4355820640104883,0.12423982458735555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969938999498094,0.0,0.0,0.12891192332887466,0.0,0.09070777819045914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478925733772344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254761218337426,0.0,0.06232953453644888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081699871016454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642078413207944,0.0,0.0,0.07570492750135134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105242821533335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747210174948468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826678469779677,0.0,0.1980579884532093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796831869174407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019160535292496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831585210105434,0.0,0.0,0.09381748290270968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055045390030526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500699490071626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642344140355547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689469399478996,0.0,0.0,0.1381080662827303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730350922854504
bpd,veganmuffin,2019/03/18,"I honestly despise being single, and it's ruining my life I just got diagnosed BPD during this semester of college. It is my last semester, and overall I'm doing pretty good, much better than my last semester. I'm not necessarily going to fail anything, i'm about to walk for graduation, i'm getting several internship interviews, with one that I'm 99% i'm going to get because the guy loved me, I'm working on film shoots (my major is filmmaking) that i've never had the opportunity to do before, I have a pretty nice job at Whole Foods, making $15/hr and being surrounded by others with similar interests (i'm vegan w/e), I'm going to therapy for the first time in my life, and overall I should be relatively happy, right? wrong. I'm single for the first time in 4 years, and I absolutely despise it. I truly feel like I have nothing to live for, even with all these things under my belt. If I'm not loved, what's the point? It severely drives down my mood, and I have suicidal thoughts everyday. I don't feel like I want to be alive without someone to love, and I look at all this stuff as simply necessary bullshit that I'm being forced to do. I don't know how to stop this. help?",4.014201680672269,5.111117731092442,6.13218487394958,76.03340336134455,71.26890756302521,9.633613445378153,29.546218487394967,9.916854025145753,2.974035294117647,932,37,179,24,17,328,136,238,0.142,0.68,0.17800000000000002,0.8781,1,0,0,1,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,6,4,18,2,0,6,0,17,7,0,2,3,27,45,10,1,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,15,10,1,1,4,1,0,5,6,5,0,3,3,3,20,12,30,36,7,25,0,2,1,3,6,10,0,1,12,111,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384275641239513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692361457121819,0.0,0.10737750483948358,0.0,0.0,0.11160387438766617,0.0,0.0,0.15893056898601038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807913114818914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334661341158006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760985249058196,0.180298826628432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467251810029211,0.15258818299141585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131857039484089,0.0,0.21514827023080216,0.1058413068727974,0.1009248333808458,0.0,0.0,0.12494690297602636,0.0,0.13433048705768694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458179531943014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522306468496314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935014850202158,0.20572167799673372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782619788619906,0.12329909687684465,0.0,0.11142715748329993,0.0,0.1059669391109019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34167137077734244,0.0,0.08423210607297778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276340002153498,0.0,0.09732469993921307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108170384216707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550890042186585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192893485614204,0.0,0.0,0.2567590621170823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776467646964456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851151975095006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691949046991504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549961516570827,0.0,0.0,0.14445616086632485,0.13803023340446471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430806535549526,0.0,0.0838343332990734,0.0,0.0,0.10017993332503736,0.14716358668409782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442951398623238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088545967794786,0.0,0.12164164773297542,0.0,0.09186706076591993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796781075004655,0.0,0.08126154853431393
bpd,throwawayfarawayuy,2019/03/18,"How do I stop being so triggered over differing views from mine? Finding out someone is religious feels like a personal attack to me and I get actually angry. 

It’s so stupid but I can’t help it ",0.5392307692307696,3.0159453589743634,3.283461538461541,83.09903846153848,95.41025641025641,6.702564102564103,24.448717948717945,7.793537801064563,2.0928256410256414,155,7,29,4,6,54,35,39,0.201,0.6679999999999999,0.131,-0.2135,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,4,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.3433109573953085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002290058856099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675613748271854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788319196525074,0.2513295812376389,0.0,0.0,0.3215434207510064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380360613808344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358074935425877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187416559786814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071825794021001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980832573173043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941247549544312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DaughterofArsenic,2019/03/18,"DAE flirt just for kicks? It is something I just recently realised I do since I was 12; to flirt with people I actually don't have any interest in.

I, to this day, can't quite tell if I for that for attention, validation or just because I like the feeling of being desired by someone... But I feel *DISGUSTING* about it because it's so douchy and wrong to play with someone's feelings like that and I ruined so many relationships (including my own).

Is it just me? Also how do I fcking stop?",2.556105383734252,4.670303350515468,4.4277663230240565,82.5141122565865,77.35051546391753,7.61008018327606,28.30355097365407,8.515128840125781,2.2676630011454755,383,17,75,8,9,130,65,97,0.12,0.768,0.113,-0.3987,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,0,18,12,9,0,2,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,12,6,12,10,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.2221475240427786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820466754774251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480559947589467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775391116942497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681142725865326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453106562375637,0.16262878590956634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243053716762431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307950968644724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781955730970493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24212721697712936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247708027595849,0.2444042624698879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830931500268155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857637290347117,0.17525132936719434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032042137117286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897072687937853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488927740292085,0.0,0.0
bpd,zzandraaa,2019/03/18,DBT starts today Never done it and it still isn’t covered by my insurance but the doc thinks I reaaaaallllyy need it....what am I in for and how does it compare with CBT? Really hoping this will help 🙃 thoughts?¿,0.6857142857142868,3.211852809523812,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,92.33333333333331,5.6571428571428575,18.904761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.5744476190476191,166,5,34,3,6,54,37,42,0.0,0.813,0.187,0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,8,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249688612205782,0.3800176104604029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24890652528291365,0.0,0.0,0.3688320403128906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753496027669305,0.2864062271861804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23789483562582556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26284180244294925,0.0,0.2965587405737156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379446018995148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519941844115759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sassierthansassy,2019/03/18,"Has anyone else gotten to the point where they have completely cut off every single person they were ever close to? and I mean *every single person*

Deleting social media helped - out of sight, out of mind",3.0194594594594584,6.104042297297301,3.5608648648648646,82.71318918918921,85.48648648648648,4.0410810810810815,12.805405405405404,5.6839178017228535,-0.5347470270270271,163,2,24,1,5,51,30,37,0.064,0.9359999999999999,0.0,-0.3384,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,7,3,2,7,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,1,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279853569321192,0.2678668102626761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741052824962635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839193722888567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364791798246313,0.4405335494854705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523159455075793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847748473283021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639706427661766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565426857151447,0.0,0.0,0.2471366643660844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664958387298714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cuttheshitdammit,2019/03/18,"Would you accept a breakup proposed like the following... Dear wife, I can see you aren't happy and I haven't been the husband you wanted.  How about we divorce amicably and say we tried but it wasn't meant to be. ",1.1623255813953506,3.594515000000005,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,85.04651162790697,5.300465116279073,22.55348837209302,6.742157984588678,0.6110595348837209,167,6,35,2,5,54,35,43,0.05,0.818,0.133,0.3294,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,2,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,10,11,4,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,7,4,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5354301458009105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457299711477213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999888255249791,0.0,0.0,0.4008088781755312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34148949973652803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966698505933752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573016151611632,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lazyanxiousbrunette,2019/03/18,"DAE gets emotionally dependent on their SO? I have always observed this about myself but focused more on it when this happened.

I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 months, been FWB for almost an year before and friends since 3 years which just shows we're very attached.

The last few days have been very bad for me. I had multiple emotional episodes. I called him several times and he talked to me, but at one point of time he snapped at me. This effected me really bad. 

Anytime I used to think about him it made me anxious and just like the loop from hell, I ended up calling him again everytime and it made me more scared, anxious and unwanted again.

I talked to my mom about it and she suggested me to take a break from the relationship, which I did. I told the same to him yesterday.

And today when I was sitting alone in my room, I started thinking about him and like a drug I started craving for him. Feels like I have to keep away from him to save him, myself and my relationship from the trauma?

Does it happen to anyone else too? An addictive sort of attachment with your significant others, where you start feeling like your life is a total mess without them?",5.022472466960355,6.280713634361237,5.173962004405286,83.23733067180615,69.04405286343612,8.670594713656389,29.60600220264317,9.017664075816787,2.3098812775330395,933,35,183,17,16,293,132,227,0.14400000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.152,-0.4439,0,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,2,1,13,12,1,1,11,0,9,3,0,5,1,32,26,14,0,1,5,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,11,11,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,8,2,39,6,33,18,5,30,1,0,0,0,27,11,1,3,21,129,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166181551205996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175251278171024,0.1155852188693635,0.0,0.0,0.09286116496157416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521552515837056,0.0,0.07803417606160205,0.11434865029869945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048530308688098,0.0,0.18636473376367307,0.0,0.0,0.09496442835646574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279146706601709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719735619061057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766298992694483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942199772437366,0.0,0.09322850872697692,0.2510727290917819,0.09884556628451288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285787197734362,0.15945588444903666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622283477157623,0.0,0.0583070373915883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737720124483224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099196302500642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096989905239958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882725038930385,0.21809089844808047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111995676763722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070601374854934,0.08907903840403067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562388286160418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549923666120603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149460673903474,0.0,0.0,0.35945387174803384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173230192266118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260776257918528,0.0,0.0923176921164562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369757786141413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391023729275568,0.17940168531975512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301912602456862,0.0,0.0,0.13015115135366515,0.0,0.10578491846084,0.10663975945380584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638763204764578,0.0,0.18416540795580735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757960485828834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373506844768347
bpd,endofthegame,2019/03/18,What does FP mean? I feel really silly but I have no idea what it is.  I lurk on this sub for the most part because I'm still struggling with the diagnosis. Is FP 'Favourite Person'? I can't think what else it would be. Having a 'favourite person' is the only bit I cannot relate to at all with having BPD so maybe I'm off the mark. Please help. ,-0.2764992389649876,1.8961137397260257,1.6363470319634708,97.77756468797566,89.68493150684931,4.3403348554033485,14.96042617960426,5.82211442006289,-0.8775893455098935,265,5,62,2,9,87,53,73,0.12300000000000001,0.773,0.10400000000000001,-0.3321,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,0,10,0,0,0,1,10,15,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,7,13,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428225948743614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584010120967526,0.0,0.2980991171923591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071264764712815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977217012681614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967610955900528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864637417541955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671909265761972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778400515130255,0.2578216394184971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001120530087433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256309064626108,0.0,0.0,0.4133320930549196,0.0,0.25981136031777063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162781716629192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901862403395367,0.0,0.0,0.24743674750368366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165953686053474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813572516239406,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GoldPsychonaut,2019/03/18,"Life After Diagnosis Good morning everyone 


I (32M) went to a therapist last week, I have no idea what I was expecting, I’ve just felt so sad this last month. I laid everything out for her and she pointed me to Cluster B. It almost feels like I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. And reading on some of the forums I’m scared out of my mind to share this info with my partner in fear she will pack her bags and run (I wouldn’t blame her). I’m literally the worst kind of person anyone could get into a relationship with. I’ve never physically abused her, never even thought about it. What happens now?",1.907634615384616,4.366315058333335,3.743333333333332,84.66576923076923,81.75,7.0256410256410255,24.23076923076923,8.139509932561175,1.664884615384616,477,18,94,10,13,160,86,120,0.17,0.7509999999999999,0.079,-0.9094,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,5,0,6,3,0,0,2,23,14,4,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,5,2,15,4,17,6,2,16,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,2,9,61,21,1,0.0,0.2180881996943487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431558542302326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287032791100819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469617829757026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682319115908733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157390630514385,0.0,0.0,0.17588302225912414,0.16542671920193466,0.0,0.0,0.20712550734041588,0.09306933788474564,0.1314968404727461,0.17673229703157334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616692693170092,0.0,0.0,0.15438589041914988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276902188168574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778819362437384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167649184573807,0.0,0.30007683554227016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001131197087185,0.08992538651325503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585426400691096,0.0,0.1469197846533435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28392620809095004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607193965816998,0.0,0.0,0.1740019359106055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411588549439056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761807931551148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428225126144776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371489950265415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461279028527568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764670235006486,0.0,0.0,0.17063109523376427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bowiebabe23,2019/03/18,"I always care more about people than they care about me I care too much about people who don’t make the same sacrifices for me as I do for them. I don’t blame people for not liking me though I am really terrible to be around. Not even my parents like me, so why would anyone else? ",3.5077118644067795,4.1181468474576315,4.5625,88.62307203389831,72.0508474576271,7.933898305084746,19.834745762711865,8.07648339933343,0.5188271186440674,220,3,49,3,4,72,40,59,0.124,0.691,0.18600000000000005,0.6186,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,6,10,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,12,5,10,8,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089339393847858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360712786532645,0.21043704276071906,0.0,0.18283257896180935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6281986655744726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156942059437713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565217318913186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006775051675636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709337156474505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097862156911152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280512275193225,0.0,0.0,0.4271558496083702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157228857710587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178572975194764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532435244962045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589672636997753,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prjktmurphy,2019/03/18,"Coping Skills when your FP goes silent on you My FP usually goes completely silent on me when she is mad at me. She sometimes overreacts And this kills me. I go into self destructive behavior and when everything is calm, I am filled with regret and shame because of my actions. I know everything will get better (but there's a part of me that knows it won't). Right  now my FP is mad at me for absolutely nothing and its super frustrating. I keep texting and calling her but nothing. I just want to do something to ease the pain. But i know i will definitely regret it later.",3.2623214285714326,5.3918705892857135,4.476214285714288,82.91878571428573,75.25,8.051428571428572,27.271428571428572,8.841846274778883,2.269693571428572,454,18,87,10,10,149,74,112,0.228,0.6890000000000001,0.083,-0.9338,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,3,6,12,5,1,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,18,15,11,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,9,0,0,0,0,20,3,11,12,1,15,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,61,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768711179958875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525359820438192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388583110045334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196186774930645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765048886777853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943612462841287,0.0,0.11904303330682448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618093816414866,0.2317405212015741,0.0,0.3453472726595828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40197208988575606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288411794801266,0.0,0.0,0.2268287473901925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888083352721873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851629482649015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612553700941973,0.2071649300461779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306946446493558,0.0,0.12354710223283005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,C_hloe,2019/03/18,"Can't have fun unless I'm #1? Officially diagnosed with BPD for a few years now however I haven't seen my therapist in a long time and I'm starting to think maybe I should again because I'm noticing more & more harmful behaviours.  


I've always been very competitive from a young age because if I wasn't in the top % my parents would pay me 0 attention, or I would be beat/berated/ignored. One of the 3, or all 3.  
Lately I've been having a tough time playing with my boyfriend because at certain games he is better than me, not by a huge margin but enough for me to notice it.  
We can only play for 15-20 minutes before I start getting upset and have to close the game and leave, and I normally self-harm and cry a lot for the next 30 minutes - hour because I can't handle not being the best.   
I wish I knew how to have fun without attaching it to having to be #1.. This goes for all my games I've played, world of warcraft, overwatch, league of legends, even single player games on Steam. We normally do everything together and if he is even slightly better than me I just physically can't. We've tried just playing co-op games where we work together but I can't. I hate it. If anything in life will make me kill myself this is it because I'm a huge video game fanatic.  


My question is, does anyone else with BPD experience this? Is this a common BPD trait? and does anyone have anything that makes them feel better?   


I tried drawing for a bit when I felt like this but things only help me for so long. It worked for about a week then I got bored of it and went back to self harming. It's ruining my happiness, my relationship, my ability to have fun because I don't understand what fun means unless I'm #1.. I just wish I could have fun without having the fear of being bad, or worse than #1.",3.4208209030948784,4.595619402739729,4.779756468797566,84.8720598680873,72.78082191780824,7.818366311516996,27.491121258244554,8.285830014693849,1.765762049720954,1402,51,290,22,27,467,187,365,0.162,0.706,0.132,-0.9171,2,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,3,0,1,7,13,26,2,2,16,0,34,2,0,3,3,56,56,23,1,11,18,1,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,15,15,0,0,8,11,1,1,11,10,0,1,8,3,37,16,39,39,10,31,0,1,1,0,17,11,0,8,20,183,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500764486855742,0.09767178792478713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606259609302042,0.09236393875042244,0.14836288007217666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931574061311051,0.0752670923951538,0.32970838017891035,0.0,0.07670653410664037,0.0,0.09460134294475137,0.23917709048877625,0.0984147085923502,0.0,0.3406024323829445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197323959605653,0.0,0.09901976381316713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914950133778382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577725385692297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530436299298987,0.0,0.0,0.09314361343420237,0.0,0.1190795009417558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101627957711219,0.08817885295604337,0.0,0.10143789401855034,0.045579888995580665,0.0,0.0865530868029675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709690596511138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209698330676984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596075176504944,0.0,0.08899926784173283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604221189267667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877441044028442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973179854819864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168719293701094,0.0954502635885481,0.0,0.0,0.06367189562625457,0.04404016648570845,0.0,0.0,0.15955051608909102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663783418220005,0.0,0.0,0.1203446276204623,0.0,0.09056250741821856,0.09819404849185673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586995346038744,0.0,0.17664541095150454,0.0,0.2052607675037252,0.0,0.0,0.06108440866116435,0.1371182734099354,0.0,0.0,0.10009506565108026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098273918289376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967817148315311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880812469233911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760982162345738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466499082754567,0.059888159592885536,0.05776110938679985,0.0,0.0,0.10512824541894586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240472215314012,0.0,0.0,0.0938438532698273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437885106620372,0.0,0.0,0.07230867283071664,0.0,0.0,0.08356507692770487,0.0,0.0,0.20732400401165496,0.17379262471344809,0.0,0.13125288840436294,0.0,0.09186519114953004,0.12807247356774915,0.0,0.0,0.058050256927871274
bpd,hgarnnz,2019/03/18,"Seeking Ways to Help Hey there! Someone close to me has recently been diagnosed with BPD. I was wondering if anyone would be able to give me some advice, or directions to sources where I can learn more, as I'd like to know ways in which I can help. I hope I'm not giving off any misconceptions that me trying to help is going to eradicate or fix anything, I just want to find someway to do some more to make things easier even in some small ways for my friend. Thanks in advance!",6.7156249999999975,5.810105145833332,6.770916666666667,80.71575000000003,65.25,10.596666666666668,31.7,9.888512548439397,2.6764900000000003,378,12,79,7,5,121,68,96,0.019,0.748,0.23199999999999998,0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,0,18,19,4,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,9,4,17,15,5,13,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,8,2,51,12,1,0.18496225879330802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074297862008265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578067860556275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932991193500562,0.0,0.15220817918107873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329534900393493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877327992502468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216582751237155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905215366323592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290138232498895,0.0,0.0,0.3548653051563601,0.1051183141291635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37192890969621206,0.0,0.0,0.1837092571983012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165042025184676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036321684184334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234637440000108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262791654522806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671792165035334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028839743369478,0.0,0.0,0.12288070603245772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557723247911853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909553244317396,0.4404432952369217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005836796996254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313918818203078,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emilijar,2019/03/18,"Discussing treatment (ayahuasca) with parents Hello fellow friends, I’ve been diagnosed with BPD about a year ago... I am now a senior, about to finish all of my exams and be finished with school. This past year has been really rough, especially this time period. I’ve tried some different meds before (Zoloft, and other antidepressants and anti psychotics) which haven’t been helping me a lot of my impulsiveness and anxiety. Before exams I’ve been having a tough time, during which my psychologist suggested I visit my psychiatrist to change my meds, since the other ones haven’t been helping. So.. she changed my meds to bromazepum and coaxil (Tianeptine) on Friday. And on Monday my exams began.. I had even worse breakdowns, panic attacks, felt very lost, empty and sad all the time without a direct reason. On the final day of my exams I woke up, began to get ready to go take them.. and ended up going into psychotic state because I could not find my weed which I bought the previous night. I began to scream at the top of my lungs.. didn’t know what to do with myself, I was blaming my sister (over text) that she is responsible for this, but I couldn’t calm down.. I reacted very impulsively and began filling up my bath and carelessly cutting/slamming the razor, full of rage, against my wrist, attempting to kill the monster inside me. My arm was completely covered with blood.. and my next step of action was sending a video of me yelling and showing my arm to my boyfriend and sister. I was in desperate need of help, but at that state couldn’t simply state “please come and help me...” eventually my sister and boyfriend arrived (from school) along with the schools college and psychology counselor... We all remained silent about the fact that I cut myself.. I made sure no blood was seen and put on a hoodie to cover my arm. Before they came, I took a benzo (bromazepum 3mg) and doubled my dose when they arrived (in total took 6mg.) They knew nothing about me cutting myself, however my sister made up some story. They were very concerned, and afraid for me.. told me that I have to admit myself to some kind of hospital/treatment center (to get better before graduating.) Basically the school is being very supportive.. however, the problem is, my parents. For a couple months now I’ve been contemplating on going to an ayahuasca retreat center, since I’ve head very positive feedback from it. But I need help/advice from you on how to discuss/covey this information to my parents? Have you guys done anything like this before? Has it helped? Any and all information and advice is welcome!!! And please feel free to ask any questions:)!",7.307586206896553,7.902088387163566,7.151894052973514,73.4517391304348,63.67908902691512,9.31217248518598,33.21831941172271,9.130062681391069,2.990717912472335,2093,80,347,32,29,665,244,483,0.09,0.797,0.113,0.9309,6,0,0,0,1,2,93.0,1,2,5,4,10,22,5,2,21,0,33,11,8,5,7,69,63,28,1,6,5,7,3,1,2,0,3,2,1,1,17,33,0,0,10,3,2,13,8,13,0,1,31,6,60,10,62,27,11,62,0,2,1,0,37,21,0,5,26,238,77,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492578919801652,0.06769836397737722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386992116558484,0.0,0.05842367538294525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284690044436066,0.0,0.07139666050699968,0.08688314101090434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046555108067226375,0.0,0.3249308661362425,0.0,0.0,0.06754402353296328,0.0,0.0,0.09618671529637036,0.0,0.0,0.08734818232139324,0.0,0.0,0.16158097512560293,0.06578693231817237,0.08007363562517265,0.0,0.0,0.060976101587552824,0.08450315930781896,0.0,0.049253035507729886,0.0,0.0,0.07751504950719552,0.0,0.07979153507029818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815414130834404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764211825925735,0.0,0.0,0.050442385164064726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861551817512168,0.0,0.07332822370139905,0.08366079692156307,0.06980179336183064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900411526279223,0.0,0.07980148562731648,0.0,0.1302103525283315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756193868831876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783787721644331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30713959375664324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449329659071664,0.07952873871068789,0.04197155419680226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037311057285136194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336806715029546,0.06492797029522485,0.0,0.14452834527700534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544931955626235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609586760098358,0.0,0.0,0.11325639218546375,0.0,0.0,0.08122152141828615,0.07166909514447574,0.0,0.07328012130939468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051751027588076336,0.0,0.0,0.08960501991834488,0.2544031750887361,0.0,0.07290484768500557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766504765944784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307681970172886,0.0,0.0767740400353823,0.08555309997943818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048925276324696385,0.07852220087291142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30916648436693883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263499109224374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666500873888879,0.07197884921229067,0.0,0.057421555740616165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359779152010107,0.0,0.0,0.07297585001790087,0.16970218374877574,0.051850957485697215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150707404607917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361900616931022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782866603382152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836095703023943
bpd,di5reality,2019/03/18,"i thought i was getting better (trigger warning: everything) just a vent so i can feel sorry for myself (for being awful.) sorry about the messy flair, i didnt know which to use seeing as its kinda all of them.

i cant love romantically, not in any normal way, anyway. 

since i was 6 ive been in relationships with everyone around me. my neighbours daughter, the girl across the road, a boy at school, a 21 year old man at the age of 13, various other boys and girls. most abused me, or at least i felt that way once it was over. i wasnt happy.

i had a break from it all for a few months, starting in may of 2018 after i tried to kill myself. i came out as trans at the same time and lost most of my friends. life got so boring and lonely. id lurk on craigslist, a 15 year old so lonely that i looked for the company of old, disgusting men. i never went through with it, but sometimes i wish i had.

in september, i got into a relationship. we said we'd ""try"". he knew i was a mess. he dealt with it. he'd leave me on read and id sob and scream and hurt and he'd say sorry, sorry, sorry, and then everything would be good again. i knew it wouldnt last, but i *needed* it to last. i him to remind me that i was real and breathing.

it all fell apart in december. long distance relationships are hard, especially when you fail to understand why he wants to go out with friends while you sit at home crying and listening to the fireworks marking the new year. i hurt myself that night and didnt talk to him. i know what i did was wrong, yet i still pitied myself.

after that, things weren't the same. i guess it was splitting - i went from being absolutely head over heels, clinging to his every word, to ignoring him completely. id vanish for days, weeks, only to half-assedly say sorry and then go back to ignoring him. he still stuck with me. i thought he was awful, the worst, but he still dealt with me.

its now 3 months since this started. i just broke things off with him. he kept telling me he wanted to try and wanted to fix things but i didnt know what to do. i guess it's not official, i was too scared to tell him goodbye. but i did it and i feel horrible. im so tired of this cycle.",1.3424289977361603,3.2517988561946893,3.024579131508541,92.1002109487549,80.34955752212389,6.1515538176579545,20.246141181313032,7.215322853602372,0.3595132125951843,1681,44,377,22,43,556,223,452,0.231,0.735,0.034,-0.9978,0,4,0,0,1,3,72.0,2,2,1,3,18,25,2,1,18,2,33,6,3,2,4,75,70,30,1,8,10,1,4,0,3,3,2,5,1,6,26,27,0,3,11,1,0,6,10,19,0,0,33,11,62,6,62,28,11,65,0,9,2,1,43,22,1,7,33,250,88,3,0.0,0.08907001592613449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112153976945857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669216381615997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057804891653216985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648612892899149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598010908691307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078819498506632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257614602569285,0.048481619803312614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333813257733306,0.07183288053050403,0.13512478469330325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760214208677692,0.0,0.072179735232472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615995048884145,0.0,0.03927580550152972,0.0,0.08544730614952825,0.06305317636477545,0.12024854013558255,0.0,0.16562735219840133,0.0,0.0,0.08002512574598047,0.0673419839480487,0.0,0.07715118050196391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540659820868849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095266468533806,0.0,0.08120183959052253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316993742643049,0.0,0.12394254966097325,0.12255522563014964,0.0,0.07959941127662766,0.0,0.0,0.05309828612484653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652745981048021,0.06312801965517267,0.0,0.08206233166447836,0.0,0.0678483219735429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000784615836922,0.0,0.0,0.05574126842769691,0.0579795511906443,0.07260442934684065,0.0,0.07054659244091856,0.07365548395481178,0.0,0.0,0.23665037378120254,0.08005886190081117,0.0,0.05717393241440994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519528739392255,0.08556554414630323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24212926921209524,0.0,0.0,0.07150858662006998,0.11956426551868254,0.07526323330544878,0.07608105671300364,0.05990469742439315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437098100405712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434994182094051,0.5049131707771071,0.1064184245538466,0.0,0.18010442212504105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060422772400041874,0.1314124290278802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982867726537166,0.0,0.0,0.11936101680502754,0.04383511437938506,0.08640253943142445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311655706163166,0.0,0.0,0.07825976787668826,0.0,0.064927014961019,0.0,0.0,0.13302038903653968,0.11934074286165107,0.06030080558321145,0.0,0.0,0.13937585244195108,0.06783369423321915,0.0,0.08644747558780393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053402123333462455,0.08219200008877141,0.0,0.14523059765976126
bpd,blackriverwater,2019/03/18,"roll for initiative - natural 1 work is going well lately. i connected with a coworker today who thinks they have BPD, too.

i miss hanging out with my best friend Sandra, even though we text every day. and i think i'm falling in love with someone, but i'm not sure, and i'm scared. i can't imagine him liking me as much as i like him. i think that i'm so ugly, and i know i'm boring and annoying. it's been 4 months and he won't say he likes me. i'm so confused.

i've been having trouble sleeping lately. no matter how tired i am, the moment i lay down, every thought that anyone could ever have enters my brain. my body hurts, i toss and turn, i feel hot then cold. i try to listen to a favorite show but i can't focus on it because whatever is going on in my head is so. fucking. loud. i wake up numerous times.

3 latte's and a coke zero, but i'm dragging myself through the day. i take a walk on my breaks and it feels good to decompress from work.

i desperately want to be loved, but i'm afraid of being loved. i want to be alone but i don't want to feel lonely. i want to lay in bed forever, staring at the internet, and feel connected to something bigger than myself.

i'm turning 32 in a few months and i have no idea what the hell i'm doing, or what i want.

as always, i'm just walking along a trail at dusk, randomly encountering people and scenarios. i feel like a character someone is controlling.

oh, i guess i'm posting this now, cool.",1.148517468239561,3.019992542763158,3.4811705989110706,88.77526315789477,80.8092105263158,6.42994555353902,22.324863883847552,7.503015589744147,0.9033751361161526,1119,36,241,17,29,386,172,304,0.196,0.66,0.14400000000000002,-0.9713,0,3,1,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,1,4,11,24,3,3,11,1,20,11,5,2,2,51,59,26,0,6,8,0,6,4,1,1,1,3,1,0,9,17,1,1,12,1,0,7,7,11,1,1,3,12,36,13,32,51,3,34,1,3,1,4,13,13,2,4,16,144,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131828660999726,0.0,0.0,0.09093111474411134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641229377593882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661709972514916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468438430950105,0.0,0.0,0.12138731417460424,0.1376364543259149,0.12199450000479058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225687000496447,0.08725253165438178,0.0,0.0,0.14095528995214868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721795210526956,0.09885153889295517,0.1841490626485958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27628051270933823,0.07807085626945875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443075730765465,0.10102915511970466,0.0,0.0,0.1242145978496558,0.09166029098200244,0.0,0.0,0.12038609450264873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215453466616472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698830201699778,0.12336571845086387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060058355089851224,0.0,0.2465489971099732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135580414012132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29589295702205565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445519374571292,0.0,0.0803346112182133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576215924090482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046616441990658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690518067710097,0.10941002916512373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936060506283897,0.0,0.18518803098109976,0.08413037869978335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102996693062178,0.0,0.08216622544667065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006986986202425,0.10736869882989196,0.08675744952928728,0.06372302825791358,0.12560321878237085,0.10358625764321924,0.0,0.0,0.07419508941277278,0.2377341804582097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222858405285092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825735734379927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911673372638058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fallingbutterfly,2019/03/18,Splitting before anyone gets close? So a bond is impossible. So loneliness is an eternal agony. I don't want to feel hatred for anyone trying to love me. But they fucking terrify me.,2.0567647058823546,4.9239605588235325,4.0678823529411785,78.00947058823533,90.47058823529413,6.249411764705883,24.44705882352941,7.554174236665415,2.0460776470588242,145,6,23,3,5,49,29,34,0.33799999999999997,0.5670000000000001,0.095,-0.866,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864424071486429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35683831604050426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203735801547716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876848736822605,0.21909451145249245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784822428425006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28471300024981266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473451257250136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DumbBitchFive,2019/03/18,How do I go back to work after a breakdown? I’ve been lying in bed without eating or sleeping for the past three days and I have to clock in at work in twelve hours. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I’m out of sick days and I’m in no state to work. ,-1.6954187192118226,0.0926517241379301,0.8655665024630537,103.61465517241379,92.10344827586206,3.3142857142857145,15.182266009852214,3.1291,-1.4704906403940885,192,4,51,0,7,65,40,58,0.214,0.7859999999999999,0.0,-0.9146,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,3,0,5,4,1,1,0,6,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,14,8,0,15,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,7,33,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276292918450854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35689337514356895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831301293356905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558019367050009,0.0,0.0,0.15725329316733816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27249082870406843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641386148732491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768968476590653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667260536902018,0.0,0.6043161788469246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatever123456789102,2019/03/18,how to get help? I'm not dumb I'm stating to realize my bpd is getting in the way of living my everyday life the older I get especially with my job that I love when I'm having a good day but don't give a fuck about and want to quit when I'm in a mood and my relationships with everyone around me etc and everyday is really just a struggle of knowing this is all in my head yet still wanting to kill myself but I'm dumb as fuck so like how do I go about getting help would I go to a therapist or a physiologicst how would I even find one how much do they charge would Medicaid cover it would they give me medication or just like tell me to get over it idk would medication even help is getting help really worth it,1.878536953242836,3.4368497647058867,4.270588235294117,85.40687782805429,77.4967320261438,8.106385118149825,23.53393665158371,8.841846274778883,1.5271291101055806,566,18,128,13,13,198,81,153,0.066,0.6859999999999999,0.248,0.9825,1,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,2,1,16,11,5,1,8,0,13,7,1,4,1,28,34,15,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,16,4,18,29,3,17,0,0,0,3,11,5,4,2,10,85,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817815365043527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530496058047114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837004981318837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552640860284598,0.16052501931107846,0.0,0.0,0.11611712744415688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110666574440476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246857119588337,0.3809336626245728,0.23314523022932795,0.13812470925081866,0.10192482414231477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247141057500738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258079427887293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058939202173552,0.0,0.13444336566130488,0.0,0.06678396081037677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583284439507984,0.118736617464316,0.0,0.10730397957777206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967612869330093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448363027608192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933084363178986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234478480670927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925098822311093,0.0,0.0,0.15569705717279908,0.0,0.0,0.1304665078323576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970456610895562,0.0,0.0,0.12703860723814778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621343357306068,0.0,0.0,0.14109355129060794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335074553004126,0.0964565540585698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316199709036459,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nanuhea,2019/03/18,"DAE emotionally self harm? *TRIGGER WARNING* I have physically self harmed before, but when I realized how it deeply affected my FP, I decided not to do it anymore. I do, however, put myself in situations/watch things that I know will set off my emotions and make me upset in order to harm myself. 

I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD PLEAAASE NO JUDGEMENT: I have extreme jealousy issues, and my FPs ex is asian, so often what I will do is (when I am already troubled and sad) watch asian porn and think about how I cant amount to his experience with his ex no matter how good I am because I dont look like her, and I sort of stew in this horrible pain until I feel I have exhausted/been desensitized by it.

I also pick at my feet and sometimes bang my hands on things when I have an emotional ""episode"" so to speak. When I talked to my therapist, she explained that this might be my way I am self harming and being destructive. I was just wondering if anyone else has this problem too?",3.7026876090750456,5.302637942408381,4.944586387434559,82.29181849912743,72.717277486911,8.234694589877838,28.96369982547993,8.841846274778883,2.3106625479930187,761,31,150,15,15,252,119,191,0.27699999999999997,0.691,0.032,-0.9952,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,14,13,1,1,1,0,22,4,2,7,0,32,30,20,0,2,4,2,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,3,12,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,1,5,34,2,16,24,1,15,0,1,2,1,12,6,0,5,6,110,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636504457508161,0.11859379548718585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707169082826113,0.10369335589734703,0.15194874720589044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040103744175397,0.0,0.12619060986024272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380406135320606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388388553720155,0.5004456092407515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145063824886549,0.0,0.0,0.07498388574978736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438526190983187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478450265767962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300132036874382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245087438642428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453290557847745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899001519034403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732066103313275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779944590974376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141901084290059,0.0,0.14908037282979092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641212289596133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667043786781928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919625312478314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218531872633944,0.1970451010582042,0.09502332108489142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771198861960168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082277158547276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnintelligibleThing,2019/03/18,Woke up from sleep and wrote a suicide note in my groggy state Then I felt relief from my emotions and went back to living my life. Funny isn't it?,1.3611827956989266,3.337933935483876,2.523870967741935,95.37247311827957,80.61290322580646,4.133333333333334,16.78494623655914,3.1291,-0.9475892473118276,116,2,25,0,3,37,27,31,0.127,0.7040000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,5,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,4,1,5,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882854869706677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42172744129735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599759384679862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648126280495732,0.0,0.0,0.3310556586168127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751844500073209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41009472789966894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475487484193188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OceanViewMermaid,2019/03/18,Weed depresses me lol Why do I smoke it? I'm so dumb😂,-5.8864285714285725,-7.034748928571428,-0.7392857142857139,106.59678571428572,145.42857142857142,4.257142857142857,10.642857142857142,5.985473137389443,-1.0176571428571424,41,1,13,1,4,16,13,14,0.213,0.6,0.187,-0.1027,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6904630503689944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7233676631389762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,i-am-soybean,2019/03/18,Just stayed up all because I have an appointment with my therapist in 4 hours and I was afraid that I’d sleep in or something or I felt like doing something stupid and keeping myself up and now i gotta talk to her with bloodshot sunken eyes and a gaunt pallor. I’ve been doing really well on my new meds though (max dose of duloxetine and lithium) after overdosing a few weeks back I’m feeling good these past couple of weeks and my drug use has almost fully cessated. I’ve been enjoying writing and meditating . Good times exist brothers don’t forget that (:,4.901388888888889,6.452481731481483,5.517592592592597,79.5491666666667,69.64814814814815,8.362962962962964,28.314814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.284514814814814,449,16,81,8,8,145,80,108,0.048,0.7829999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.9099,0,0,3,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,3,0,8,4,2,1,1,20,14,10,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,3,9,5,11,9,2,15,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,3,10,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657533712882835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094968049607707,0.0,0.11966828458843147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721242923692144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276563828524399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925984516752336,0.0,0.1884876462877467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32930973674771896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332504815874327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744886635711362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590677386132328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805529988553327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895966777042764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873993729763728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576071958284316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964510022714528,0.0,0.0,0.3022568722539998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923951950518746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778592308746087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279301466708209,0.0,0.0,0.19287282185019103,0.0,0.11446949074436888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954814521107056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149348463811283,0.0,0.17650557364457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carbohydros,2019/03/18,"I need to know I’ll be ok I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. I’ve made some great progress in therapy but I still can’t break this insane attachment and emotional dependency on my FP. I’ve been in therapy for 5 years with many different therapists, and this just won’t go away. 

I’m starting to feel hopeless. My FP won’t talk to me right now and I can’t stop catastrophizing. Ive been doing so well in general but I lashed out again on Friday...now I fear I’ve ruined everything. I don’t know who to turn to. I don’t know how I’m going to be okay. I need to be okay. I’m trying so so hard to improve and manage but setbacks like these make me doubt everything. 

I just need encouragement and reassurance that’s all ",0.20494324045407808,2.507146666666668,2.589742002063982,90.83804953560372,88.86928104575163,6.619745442036464,19.817337461300312,7.85451343220497,0.905713725490196,572,18,128,13,19,195,87,153,0.153,0.636,0.21100000000000002,0.6955,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,13,0,2,0,3,15,1,1,4,1,29,32,12,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,3,3,16,9,17,23,2,18,0,2,0,0,4,9,0,3,8,72,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315270770727474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031013985622814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336364706506425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29300469564941034,0.0,0.0,0.18343090684590727,0.16484491231385748,0.11645395588890288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528400980790105,0.0,0.0,0.17971845125510974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460244140696372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931669370600606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687571278936898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927632871875114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424344622289785,0.10881004772446028,0.16526595755671405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626082386256454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920914644487073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537890020939615,0.0,0.1301795263038716,0.13628316679090596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310207899872071,0.0,0.0,0.3728309360982091,0.18926649028226386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067268994497152,0.17730742998905216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465650372577154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049727163003804
bpd,TariZephyr,2019/03/18,"Reckless Driving? For a bit of background, I live in the US.
So, recently my mom has been complaining every time I drive. I usually drive around 5-10 miles above the speed limit (I’ve been taught that it was generally accepted to do this). But she keeps complaining about it, even going so far as to yell at me because of it and tell me I’m going to get a ticket for doing this
Could this be considered reckless driving, or is this normal?",3.4077339901477863,5.067676275862073,4.854844006568143,82.39241379310344,73.59770114942529,8.189819376026273,27.37110016420361,8.841846274778883,2.1797238095238103,344,13,67,7,7,115,64,87,0.11,0.866,0.025,-0.7399,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,15,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,2,1,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,4,1,8,1,12,9,1,15,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23504299586373115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609504552923786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882527671297337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108067561200628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743895610008286,0.0,0.22245696373184368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794496434395245,0.0,0.300109073501354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23468231321039576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331436429351435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092291636255377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25869369139959064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26069812517410434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307741700663157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395822473562862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31759601087509964,0.0,0.2907921368611213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SecretDragonfly8,2019/03/18,"I don't know if I can stay friends with my BPD BF anymore. It's becoming too taxing on my own mental health.

She's always lying, has even made up lies about my boyfriend even to get validation from men she hardly knows. She is hot and cold. loves me or hates me. Everything is always about her and her problems, I don't matter half the time. She's obsessed with validation (sexual mostly) to the point where she will through anyone under the bus to get it, she makes up lies to make her look cool, amazing and hot. She will do dangerous things like get into cars with strange men and act like it was nothing. I'm worried something bad will happen to her.  


But I am finding it hard to let go...when she's good, she's amazing, caring, kind and funny. But that side of her is becoming less and less common. She kind of 'love bombed' me in a friendship way and now I feel like I can't leave...I know I can't help her either. No matter how many times I bring up her shitty behavior, it's wash rinse repeat. Confront her >says sorry but acts like the victim/i end up apologizing> says she will try to be better > puts no effort in > does it again.   


My anxiety is suffering and I don't know what to do anyone. I still love her dearly :( ",2.059629308851552,4.000109828685261,3.333816040187081,90.59810150701544,78.20318725099602,6.118205439113113,21.271609215312658,7.079830092131019,0.4834855707604366,961,26,204,11,23,312,142,251,0.149,0.674,0.177,0.9101,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,2,10,24,3,1,5,1,21,5,0,4,0,32,41,14,0,2,6,0,5,4,2,4,2,1,0,2,9,12,0,0,6,0,1,5,7,7,0,1,2,9,37,17,26,33,5,27,0,1,1,3,29,12,0,3,12,127,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583274689021266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002229103513203,0.0,0.11670358487243385,0.164564455504963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825506106752316,0.0,0.25992915943737704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407540614850133,0.0,0.0,0.1482095814987175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119979155266531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297960183257948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422655569432457,0.0,0.0,0.15544859333075198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576015684943904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059500834085628326,0.084068199748476,0.0,0.0,0.10755429739066323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090916663521106,0.0,0.18444352868311534,0.0,0.06687833413572138,0.09870156444400216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040610450807728,0.0,0.21083027221285205,0.11618129807439387,0.0,0.12508474262775268,0.0,0.0,0.07887615684435365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450841791429109,0.2586879680085526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033231522127448,0.0,0.22996340683705124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881872190182167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31862322771562257,0.11134846169871968,0.15710011320642162,0.11930562105383095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859035358256867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291388917873225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124244089945334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260063130213956,0.0,0.11829750406332015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716234040327812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090593210058273,0.0,0.1317293400514626,0.0,0.12542761791762513,0.09397669951990643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817911640757645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723636512130186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989469944559968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340622234643464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195063182161425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,t3n-inch,2019/03/18,"It’s been a very difficult weekend... I’m sorry for the long text..

TLDR; I’m graduating from college in a month and my bpd symptoms are going wild. I’m really needing some support and advice right now...

With my senior year of college coming to a close, things have been getting increasingly more difficult for me. I’m disassociating more often, my mood swings are worse and I keep finding myself more negative than normal. 

I’ve noticed that I’m wanting *more* attention from my significant other and those creeping “they’re cheating on you” thoughts when he’s never given me any reason to distrust him. 

My best friend is hanging out with her other friends more than me and didn’t invite me out to lunch with a bunch of people on Wednesday (that sucked). 

The most triggering thing this week: last year I played on an IM softball team with a bunch of my guy friends. It was a blast (even though I’m terrible), and I honestly was just happy to be there and try my best. Softball started this week, and while it thought I was on the team, it turns out they crafted a team only to win, and completely forgot about me until my SO mentioned that I wasn’t on the list. They’re all out playing right now, and I’m crying in the shower because I feel so forgotten. 

Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far. You have no idea how much it means to me. ",5.784886363636364,6.08133665530303,6.176060606060606,80.17159090909092,66.91666666666667,8.721212121212123,31.65151515151515,8.472884824447931,2.3358833333333333,1063,40,205,14,16,343,150,264,0.1,0.752,0.14800000000000002,0.9256,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,1,6,12,19,3,0,13,0,13,2,0,4,2,43,38,18,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,17,20,1,2,8,7,0,4,5,6,0,0,12,1,27,12,33,25,14,36,0,0,0,0,15,15,1,4,17,142,44,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013437915377002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056169509234854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118056612470816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795121157276724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772578403555366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471609949836535,0.13962856798288156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462834607878488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795901361427813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733588980458571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171702175947507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086656446251299,0.0,0.06957700293019932,0.0,0.0756848573113518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318614625126835,0.0,0.1417643339816619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033525784734333,0.14384887996523238,0.0,0.0,0.11836961263183295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855315612111444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178532485092436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260108007236508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450636185040928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629681755963677,0.0,0.09789692503891548,0.0987455342341952,0.1027106472183233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048052757949394,0.0,0.1516174866417032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128349533082097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232486859053472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320828598003825,0.0,0.08531355193314798,0.13692325042004302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22745674375330435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490754283035933,0.09426000234064963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511222885030439,0.0,0.1384169560809049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260711340662855,0.0,0.0,0.17694744782449906,0.0,0.13084105719170747,0.21144777834464829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041521451778796,0.14485316410063648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988105126081348,0.07854844205474966,0.0,0.21364548852310994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571389760781832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151712256262955
bpd,Beastinkid,2019/03/18,"Cut for the first time in 8 yrs. Feels like the floodgates gave opened. My and my gf got into a severe spat the other night and it just kinda sent me off the deep end. I ended up having to fall back on to an old habit I thought I had moved past.. well after that night it just kinda feels like the floodgates have opened and now I'm just impulsively wanting to use it to cope. I talked to my gf about it and she was supportive when I told her I had cut. She was all you can talk to me, I'll always be here, don't hide this stuff from me. But I told her today that the feeling of wanting to cut is still around and very strong and she just immediately threatens to leave me if I cut again.. I just idk.. her saying that makes me wanna cut but I don't wanna lose her and I can't hide things from her... She is my FP and I can't lose her. I just don't know where else I can go to rant.. I tell her everything but this seems to be something I can't tell her and I have no one else. I just don't know anything right now..",-0.10773445116006997,1.7138881076233226,1.6845778904269828,100.25400272957692,84.96412556053812,4.5957496588028866,15.525248586469095,5.511479884284512,-1.0541111717683762,780,13,198,4,23,255,113,223,0.073,0.836,0.091,0.5799,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,4,18,12,5,0,8,0,20,1,1,2,1,40,39,14,0,5,11,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,12,13,0,0,7,0,0,4,8,7,1,2,10,4,40,5,24,27,1,31,0,2,0,0,24,11,0,4,18,137,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333351672966112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120851546544773,0.12125137589551804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473327968330724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275636916220545,0.0,0.2412745014515865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241232067634887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066081045899696,0.19460983668819848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158559500085902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740847147358743,0.0,0.10893562486963396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497094720654434,0.0,0.0,0.14422148654607306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308581955697102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047572327720746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909179317098242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447644177655032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556384342399444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292429282673302,0.0,0.0922960701279604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002313670296856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163183725634236,0.0,0.10831572642520892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399596636023393,0.0,0.1538729426647792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485730554031387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877353268407797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559222009399723,0.0,0.1545638820522232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895292733974764,0.23809844270288116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048858618375448,0.0,0.0,0.10813159923662938,0.07942226276952805,0.0,0.12910646588472666,0.26029953354787344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763743556011386,0.0,0.11238343473410664,0.16067454051149674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224647018094202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chad2215,2019/03/18,anyone else can’t say no to people? If I’m not always being nice I feel guilty and use it as a way to get people to like me ,-1.5150000000000006,-0.14000383333333133,2.0766666666666684,97.985,87.33333333333331,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-1.928,95,0,25,0,3,35,26,30,0.23,0.691,0.079,-0.5903,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,6,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012890505375594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531827252523656,0.37100542829720856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024809013434898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830842909832847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917781122645755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689956762737016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020571690692006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287949613800313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31273071100514155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874112985897555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gkrhdvc,2019/03/18,"Blonde Asian My hair is naturally black. I'm Chinese. I want to go blonde. I currently have a blonde black balayage/highlights that can only be seen when my hair is down or from the back (long roots). I hate wearing my hair up as it gives me headaches.  Should I go blonde? I really want purple/silver hair. My work is in a traditional setting and face students, teachers, parents. Nobody has full blonde hair in my office and the office is quite a conservative setting (people there tend to wear drab unstylish clothing except for my boss).  Should I quit my job if they don't accept me for me? Lololol",2.5382995951417016,5.2730094561403495,3.0457894736842133,88.84475708502028,81.6315789473684,5.2620782726045885,23.68151147098516,6.67199483983844,0.8211276653171393,474,17,89,5,13,147,76,114,0.059000000000000004,0.9159999999999999,0.025,-0.6852,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,3,3,2,1,0,5,0,11,8,8,2,0,13,20,6,0,5,3,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,13,17,1,11,16,1,13,0,0,8,0,3,5,0,2,4,54,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058676078605125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502425814855426,0.2965077499193625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575471991036736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588652637637809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23085464369979095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839729089378655,0.0,0.0,0.289656358166644,0.0,0.0,0.18084885153951627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.554917652326736,0.0,0.0,0.16711486431997455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077263093397151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991062849485435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emilylcfc98,2019/03/18,"Been on one date with a guy and I’m convinced I’m in love, help?! As title suggests, I had my first good date in 10 months, I really liked him and now I’m like obsessed with him. I can tell I’m being needy and annoying. Any suggestions to stop myself from being pushy, I can tell it’s putting him off?",-0.4839615384615357,1.6346889692307731,1.7387500000000031,97.06812500000004,90.07692307692308,5.096153846153847,17.35576923076923,6.6274283507984215,-0.19311538461538447,233,6,55,3,8,78,45,65,0.154,0.624,0.222,0.7873,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,11,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,9,5,9,7,0,11,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,8,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017585664335977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523633523998676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24884849966984154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937685697829254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988642571271145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898943349719269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267773236839892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23681417960890144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104401775738195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29825420262255103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006645047707932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480451321456579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5186381985321571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madsav94065,2019/03/18,"Recovery time So I was diagnosed with BPD about 6 months ago (I’m 16) and  have been doing a lot of in the moment actions and drugs was one of them. 

Today I’ve decided to start the recovery process again because I realize I want more out of my life and this time it’s not just marijuana this time, it’s nicotine and a lot stronger substances and alcohol. I’m throwing the drugs into the bay and I’m going to go addict United groups at least once a week. It’s not fare for my peers to witness me destroying myself in front of them while they can’t do much to stop me. You know how I got addicted to nicotine? I tried it. The problem with drugs is that they work, right up until the moment that they decimate your life. Try them, and you'll become addicted to them. Become addicted to them, and you will either be dead, or you will wish you were dead. Develop your own compass, and trust it. Take risks, dare to fail, remember the first person through the wall always gets hurt. So today is the day I say farewell to the harmful substances I use, and hello to a clean pathway.

There are things you can do to lift the human spirit, things that are easy, things that are free, things that you can do every day. Civility, respect, kindness, character.",4.530416068866573,5.530539569105692,5.1153180296508864,84.16198708751796,69.97560975609754,8.38986131037781,28.29172644667623,8.671277953709913,1.9902547106647541,978,34,196,16,17,314,142,246,0.1,0.7879999999999999,0.11199999999999999,0.0772,0,0,4,0,0,1,31.0,0,9,8,3,7,10,1,1,15,0,21,11,0,2,0,31,34,16,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,11,1,1,2,16,14,1,1,4,0,1,5,3,6,0,2,5,1,29,5,27,25,7,31,1,2,0,0,22,8,0,3,18,136,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805656874493756,0.0,0.0,0.09769146950448693,0.11777730096219224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170068971370303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718089851547013,0.2434289829011413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880130939725813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214823323986675,0.0,0.0,0.1118573426324085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38341387792285503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285378334208592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937416470413252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057578381083026625,0.0,0.12526586006756654,0.0,0.08814225679387443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797840611085685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476317736543434,0.06056664542503588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568431070028202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738735938150006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796582795470219,0.0,0.08101450507148225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736639390931833,0.07467881993626704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622812082149086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545279802864907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484255352892208,0.09411580349954704,0.0,0.08764068306223224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078004773230915,0.0,0.0,0.09213762222921452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286162075362942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928653765879821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927870011823939,0.0,0.20892587311780847,0.0,0.0,0.1496460456174433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095183086948104,0.0,0.0,0.06500268680218438,0.0,0.08840105808519752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673210974288873,0.0,0.0,0.08023169114753233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sushidog99,2019/03/18,"Still Have To Wait 2 Months To Get Back Into Therapy, How Do I Control Myself? Hi. I'm acting like a child and it's self-destructive. It's incredibly difficult to maintain healthy relationships when my behavior is exhausting for everyone. I've sought counseling and therapy on and off for 2 years but I quit it because I was under the false assumption that I am fine. Now I'm waiting to get in again because I realize that was dead wrong. What can I do in the meantime to avoid ruining all of my relationships?",3.5284848484848474,5.800948919191924,5.386868686868689,76.03363636363638,74.95959595959596,10.056565656565658,32.21212121212121,10.25414643259724,3.974503030303032,409,21,75,14,9,140,69,99,0.19399999999999998,0.748,0.057999999999999996,-0.9393,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,12,14,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,9,2,14,12,1,14,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,8,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972396472686987,0.0,0.2691039245086684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475619498700065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091227632653506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306394921575828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783512658266373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618065587358592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347682959751196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739522714171472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026440052617406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762713368693631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048367389114772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241328228890836,0.0,0.14213971706951992
bpd,froggeez,2019/03/18,"How common are stalking behaviors? I have BPD as well as a history of depression and anxiety. It is the combo of anxiety and BPD that I believe leads to my tendencies towards hypervigilance, including some behaviors that rightly could be considered stalking. 

In a past relationship, I once drove to a location where my boyfriend was going to be meeting a female friend and watched with binoculars. 

In another, I seriously considered installing a keylogger on his PC (did not go that far). 

I once looked into GPS trackers because I wanted to see where a boyfriend was going. 

I bought a security camera because I badly needed to figure out my last boyfriend’s passcode on his phone. 

While the most troublesome behaviors haven’t panned out (I didn’t use the GPS tracker, security camera, or keylogger!), I have done other things to betray the privacy of my partners. 

Right now, I have my previous partner’s Facebook Messenger account on my phone and can log in at any time (he doesn’t use it much). 

I fully recognize my behaviors are wrong. I get this. I would tell anyone of you to knock it off. Yet, when it comes to some of my own romantic relationships, I am nuts. I say “some” because I have noticed that not ALL men trigger this in me. It tends to be those who have a hint of shadiness who bring it out in me. 

Do others suffer from this malady? I know I should stop it, but it’s very difficult. ",5.002671755725191,6.761675412213744,6.138083969465653,74.3881183206107,69.68702290076337,9.972824427480916,33.710687022900764,10.241411754978122,3.869213129770992,1106,54,193,31,20,369,150,262,0.102,0.862,0.036000000000000004,-0.9237,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,0,12,0,24,0,0,5,1,32,40,11,0,5,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,21,10,0,3,2,0,2,7,5,6,1,0,7,4,32,4,34,27,7,36,0,2,3,0,17,20,0,5,9,146,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611414283331553,0.14820437788611351,0.2162451426780976,0.0,0.0,0.09882625667271208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801065855511185,0.2584735362951101,0.0,0.0,0.15923862503297806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35601851195881745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217494831697147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128462536919037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173352347721975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463702708988208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919677031584073,0.0,0.0738428536560398,0.0,0.240975564067936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767522897368483,0.11520868223361587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868765153170345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038991046549844,0.104799743112796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609133392683171,0.0,0.30103901105124115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492235028208396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034865182090493,0.0,0.2414023935308718,0.0,0.1123970145035484,0.0,0.0,0.11262744961517135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816422807505805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353494271317395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389815559907436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241485807303496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24413992293058384,0.0,0.11661799224039693,0.08336434263168375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270791169456867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040189189960902,0.15453004099472814,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheOnlyLonelyPickle,2018/11/10,Change My mind was craving a change. Had a massive breakdown day before yesterday and now I want everything different so now I'm painting my entire house. Anyone else just get an overwhelming urge to change your home after a breakdown?,7.1014285714285705,8.965137714285714,6.446190476190478,73.78214285714287,64.71428571428571,9.40952380952381,35.42857142857143,9.725611199111238,3.8300857142857145,192,9,29,4,3,59,34,42,0.0,0.965,0.035,0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905569537647646,0.2330748526679295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356433232976375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7219146477053701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670245161120615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23766278955125866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002603772961246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443971620962129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188462138735228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281758090953869,0.0,0.0,0.2624754210247353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296847400058729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341705527792852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sciencebagel,2018/11/10,"Thank you all! Just wanted to say to everyone that even though I don't have any bpd diagnosis, reading through everyone's posts and comments about their experiences and things has finally made me feel a lil less alone in dealing with the mess that is my brain. You all are wonderful people and thank you for helping me realize I'm not as alone as I thought I was in this.

Hope you're having a good day, and if not then I hope it gets better! Have a virtual hug from me to you :)",6.575876288659796,5.526695247422683,6.938886597938143,79.8677113402062,65.5979381443299,11.058969072164947,33.832989690721654,10.355215969177356,3.10589649484536,377,14,81,8,5,123,70,97,0.076,0.6779999999999999,0.245,0.9609,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,1,1,4,8,0,0,4,0,8,2,1,1,2,19,19,9,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,13,7,12,16,3,6,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,4,3,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628068969599138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191085780148026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154906685325861,0.0,0.0,0.2205963527131523,0.19552626434561096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295780253623645,0.18057282615749554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568547855136704,0.0,0.0,0.3347282688776552,0.0,0.17133113124684704,0.0,0.0,0.08856152787121664,0.0,0.0,0.19186918494002206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150908530474243,0.0,0.0,0.14690821540183244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739991665819208,0.0,0.0,0.34792861090634264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657319606638944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142753955751873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677460894524689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519823924112968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392869787523754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225107241526668,0.0,0.0,0.1163624359738008,0.0,0.1720848119303195,0.13905020316447292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330850398591768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899436155605412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lorecia,2018/11/10,"bf (and FP)’s fap folder made me insecure Guys. Today I found my boyfriend’s fap folder on his iPad. I shouldn’t have snooped, I set myself up for failure, but now I’m heartbroken. He’s my FP and he could do no wrong, but now I’m splitting. He’s been with me through the duration of my diagnosis and treatment thus far, he’s a great guy, but he knows I’m insecure about this stuff. It’s one thing to look at porn and photos, but it feels different that he has them saved alongside photos of me that I have taken for him.
How do you guys handle these insecurities? I’m at a loss...",2.797941712204008,3.80089380327869,4.301584699453553,88.36627504553736,74.08196721311475,7.717304189435335,25.030965391621127,8.167268648758528,1.229357741347905,452,14,103,7,9,151,77,122,0.188,0.74,0.07200000000000001,-0.9325,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,4,7,0,3,3,0,8,1,0,3,0,18,18,9,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,2,15,2,12,12,0,9,0,1,1,1,14,5,0,0,3,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111492476845584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370016694272672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469816021511235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487206077504186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500941694387689,0.0,0.6738279035461179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466646248045403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049019683718074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464343980870068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371404901716498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596798845814606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070378351818745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501974675545552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480161798338424,0.0,0.0
bpd,lolita-tatiana,2018/11/10,"I’ve Met Some Great Guys But It’s All Been Wrong Timing & Now I Just Want To Cry. Please Help Me Out Here! I’m seeking support. Met plenty of people online and recently I met two good guys, but it all turned out to be wrong timing for them and I can understand but this has hurt me, for as soon as I finally let my walls down they figure out that they weren’t ready to take on a relationship after all. 

I understand this. The recent ex of mine says he loves me and wants to be my friend. He’s given me space so I can heal and move forward but I find myself missing him a lot and wanting to wait by my phone for his every text and I know that by being his friend, I’d have to potentially see him with someone else one day. 

I feel like I can’t seem to not be alone without desiring or seeking out someone else to fill that hole. 

I seem to fall in love fast and when it crashes, it hurts. 

This is a problem but how do I address it? I am 21. I live online and inside my head. I know this is a big problem of mine....

I don’t know where to start and I need some tough love and genuine words. ",0.7666963249516456,2.4716833659574458,2.585270793036752,95.55295454545455,81.29787234042553,5.464216634429401,19.617988394584145,6.351523495107088,-0.13657446808510665,841,21,200,7,22,279,135,235,0.11199999999999999,0.713,0.17600000000000002,0.9477,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,0,8,17,0,0,5,0,17,5,1,1,3,50,44,21,0,7,9,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,2,12,15,0,1,10,0,0,4,5,8,0,2,6,3,35,9,30,33,6,27,0,3,1,3,24,12,0,6,14,132,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853450563712413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400529476331218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257167014133176,0.07381004823052223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121467781669094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642810284248662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786878371192004,0.08176229027804684,0.0,0.12537313471400915,0.1046041869603161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684581461633922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599427592255713,0.0,0.12618027500808612,0.0,0.2266447351101691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745755148021254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671266009287543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503974890798005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869430529351375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703171611129493,0.0,0.0559139332095678,0.0,0.10106044243740554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730033021514664,0.30988370051643954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164102851840365,0.0,0.08486238140908152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755351122786171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934443084070215,0.0,0.0,0.12563048273821045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902420961937533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260088891209973,0.12287524709412136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101432914559857,0.0,0.0,0.09120092571303046,0.2083798921448286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939442996863852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100749398227529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987521294828805,0.0,0.0,0.08605130130550699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347210425967654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244874976428414,0.11179990864716444,0.2382906043536587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251471321011785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032461938690263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25026372944332986,0.0,0.0
bpd,getthisdonequietly,2018/11/10,"Need help with friend with bdp So I've been living with my good friend for the past 2 years and things are hitting an all time low. At the start things were looking great we were very close, had friends over regularly and kept up with the cleaning n looking after the dogs. Since then it's been a roller coaster that i feel like i can't keep up with . My friend abuses drugs and alcohol pretty heavy and it's definitely used as a crutch. This isnt a main issue in our friendship but I'd really hope that he'd look after himself. He has fallen out with many of our friends over very trivial things which put them on the blacklist. Even though im sure ive been no angel for the passed year or so I can't help but feel that he sees me as all bad. It has taken its ups and down and I keep trying to tell myself that it can get better, but no matter how nice I try being to him i keep getting the same sarcastic/ aggressive responses and passive aggressive behavior. He has been away on a course during the week days but I'm starting to dread the weekends. I still want to be there for him but what can I do when I'm seen as being inherently bad. I know i should suggest therapy to him but this would not go down well at all. Being in this situation is really bad for my own mental health and anxiety. Partly due to my financial situation I can't see myself moving out at least for the next month or 2 so i feel trapped. Im coming to my wits end and end though I want to be there for him I dont know what to do.",1.5046898002103006,3.4346678864353346,3.0483501577287093,92.02781440588856,79.9148264984227,6.24559411146162,20.34584647739221,7.3011,0.4031662250262871,1188,31,265,16,30,390,171,317,0.133,0.716,0.151,-0.0029,1,2,2,0,1,0,17.0,3,0,1,1,12,20,2,1,15,0,30,3,0,2,4,52,60,28,0,6,9,0,3,1,5,2,3,0,1,0,18,20,1,4,5,2,0,6,8,7,1,0,10,9,33,13,44,41,8,44,1,1,6,0,22,19,0,3,20,179,51,0,0.0,0.11370720034929435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256133971307303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341578234133797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016573987443338,0.0,0.2403895333363498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487650421941424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266852559887332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189186337190347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247458560563513,0.0,0.11129320806611648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999954209242818,0.0,0.0,0.06338641219864012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557395398836662,0.06856004866787475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707258448722056,0.0,0.10027935526015734,0.0,0.05454121602329861,0.0804939808646115,0.0,0.10580581544451888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020102258383709,0.0,0.0,0.1286515749870531,0.0,0.0,0.09531855952351548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732529902560928,0.10016637504930036,0.0,0.2559041336335579,0.0,0.0,0.10548376038456507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468854525603908,0.0,0.08474210823037373,0.0,0.2417685784811478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729718502685024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671386371407076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660128980965586,0.1019995257822579,0.0,0.07115956487633465,0.0,0.0,0.10206378662061867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392473518224343,0.09161297015615698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763465533218887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647503646010178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295999572434473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294923574613853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938628902005823,0.2157456486621364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358542602219297,0.0,0.07664071684665555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044935109460964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388086181691266,0.0,0.10974855653752123,0.0,0.19127199256382507,0.0,0.18857749405941834,0.0,0.055960112741020425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303128768948056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288613201076157,0.0,0.15836843370210846,0.1132096352848402,0.0,0.07698029140760748,0.0,0.08628737435921993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817340127110119,0.0,0.0,0.12360137503991653
bpd,PalePaladin,2018/11/10,"DAE punish yourselves by finding and watching the saddest shit on the planet? I think this is one of my self harm methods...I find the saddest documentaries I can and engross myself into whatever the situation is and then... BOOM... sobbing stinking mess... 

I'm currently watching 'The Keepers' on Netflix... So very sad... So engrossing I can't stop watching... Was sobbing earlier and started questioning myself as to why I put myself through it... It's exhausting but also a bit of release... 

Anyone else? Anyone, anyone? Buehler?",4.082517482517485,7.308189219780222,5.141858141858144,72.9326873126873,79.87912087912088,6.825574425574428,36.84415584415585,8.00094639256281,3.8667714285714285,413,26,57,8,11,135,66,91,0.228,0.755,0.017,-0.9421,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,6,0,5,2,1,0,0,11,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,9,0,1,1,5,8,0,9,7,1,8,0,3,3,0,2,3,3,1,4,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638143128750014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626611987510193,0.22598937325868246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407939571992253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842492430126283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031749546311731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945689211581645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172331552904773,0.2470772278297062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009176356575764,0.0,0.22640125840173256,0.0,0.2479182298734706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611321907926698,0.0,0.0,0.1843977004065112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132568495504308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198476768700367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990207318550982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,objectioning,2018/11/10,"BPD and lack of relationships? How does your illness manifest when you're on your own?

I've heard it often mentioned that BPD symptoms don't manifest as much when alone, but it's not true for me - if anything I tend to attach more to fictional characters and internet groups then to actual people in my life. Am I just an outlier?",4.39875,6.1420751250000025,5.627000000000002,77.51800000000003,71.1875,10.12,29.9875,10.355215969177356,3.409535,264,11,49,8,5,88,54,64,0.13699999999999998,0.863,0.0,-0.7606,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,10,4,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,8,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.26494852662610224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811960371985501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342447920528305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6838990187140327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375947895159273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177115075399406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958651961061474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882265371273639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914934547281576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821963867435194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nargman,2018/11/10,"Winter is coming and my health is going! Winter is almost here, the days are getting darker and so is my mood! I'm excited to go into full dissociation and wake up in spring with no recollection of the last 4 months. It really is the most wonderful time of the year.",3.8572641509433967,5.263716566037736,6.052971698113207,75.26549528301891,72.01886792452831,9.073584905660377,22.683962264150942,9.516144504307137,1.9215320754716976,210,5,40,5,4,74,41,53,0.038,0.8390000000000001,0.122,0.6982,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,6,2,1,0,0,10,12,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,12,2,15,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,8,28,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434991757161085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29549356798927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212286647763489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792211985566808,0.0,0.3899084544799888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646292877005448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796186373054067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738066062562485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975647680492308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000259864215032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720059306197152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209027622927788
bpd,HelloFriend213,2018/11/10,"Sex-related question Hello all. To my knowledge, I don't have BPD. I've been diagnosed Bipolar 2, but now they want to do more tests for possible personality disorders. Anyway, my question pertains to my ex; a girl with BPD(or so she claimed). 

Her sex drive was through the roof, and at times would tell me about how if she doesn't get sex, it brings her physical pain. She even used this as a means to try and get sex from me post-breakup as opposed to ""some random fucking guy"", but I didn't give in last time. Have any of you also experienced this physical pain she would tell me about?

Thank you for your time. My break-up has been difficult, as I am still very much in love with her. I was just too scared and hurt to take her back.",2.972004504504504,4.564785614864867,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,74.6081081081081,7.365765765765767,25.171171171171174,8.07648339933343,1.2007819819819816,573,19,128,9,12,180,100,148,0.13,0.8009999999999999,0.069,-0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,1,0,12,8,1,1,3,0,14,9,0,2,1,22,25,12,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,5,1,23,2,21,18,4,12,0,1,0,5,23,3,1,5,7,84,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929221206038346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144158003645196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470350012112615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757519893608262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514057007144247,0.0,0.0,0.1709632009266913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852621807024932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379064369450444,0.15587166526074864,0.1430986764193956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770301162719884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969093155633307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159449603544215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346328967174419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249124590539554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965804854393377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174575008270163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025060061804933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816819541246925,0.14286484351177195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342119274393459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493464660803917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912837024802955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215823170200448,0.0,0.2607645328590121,0.1373368651613024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094890434305745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012775016044734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128836083858158,0.0,0.12308192160710835,0.08798508092533164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193398292295934,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NervousKale,2018/11/10,"I hate being so fucking emotional The vulnerability I experience at all times is so fucking frustrating.
I hate going through life feeling like I'm going to snap or cry at any moment, it's so volatile and embarrassing and hard.",6.316428571428574,7.9851625476190495,7.850952380952383,63.710714285714296,66.3809523809524,10.361904761904762,37.80952380952381,10.504223727775694,4.521752380952382,185,10,30,5,3,64,32,42,0.381,0.504,0.115,-0.9352,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,5,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,10,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,1,4,9,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473027730833732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28224018601926165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28902666584239184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25133988309886657,0.0,0.0,0.1299182693782525,0.18356036833616945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475079941802041,0.0,0.0,0.2920536346535713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301707574302348,0.5073566921170247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814866747173906,0.12552953372721276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982572367525848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emmyj1293,2018/11/10,"Apps? Hey, I know there are some mental health apps out there (iOS), like things for meditation and such. Have any of you found any useful ones? Like DBT related or really just anything mental-health related that has helped?",4.411749999999998,7.258808675000001,3.9450000000000043,84.59000000000002,74.75,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.4129999999999998,177,4,32,4,4,53,33,40,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.8146,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392343378394265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525505765539112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734810188482605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5302530215582598,0.0,0.0,0.1671839411305713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707714645653693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437123600399109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027223304280722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901645230253334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978767993056364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570651154969376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542262838247345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cordlessvac,2018/11/10,"Long time depression/anxiety sufferer - how do I tell my new therapist that I think BPD might be an option, without sounding like that 'I googled my symptoms' guy? I'm a 25 (26 in a week) male, suffered from depression and anxiety (suspected more for a while) since I was 13/14 and worsened over time. The usual socially isolated, emotionally neglected kid that turns into a statistic. 

My mother, unfortunately for me, went with the doctor most likely to give her constant excuses to be off work, instead of being a good doctor - so all of my childhood I was told, verbatim, that ""life's hard, you need to toughen up. My old receptionist had depression and she always had a smile on her face"" - this guy was like a 70 year old man, so it's kinda understandable, but also really fucking NOT okay since he's meant to be giving medical assistance to medical problems, not toughening children up when they feel scared, alone and confused. Finally managed to get into the NHS talking therapy system and did 3 lots of CBT sessions over 5 years. They did absolutely nothing. The only thing that's stuck with me out of the 36 or so hours of CBT I did, is the first therapist told me my descriptions sound a lot like borderline. I'd never heard of it so didn't take it in.

For some reason it popped into my head again while I was having an episode (new type of episode) of what the fuck could possibly be wrong with me, and why. I didn't get very far, but I did think about her mentioning BPD in CBT. I googled it when I was more able, and to my absolute surprise, I fit between probably 70-90% of the symptoms depending on the sources used. Abandonment (daddy) issues, relationship issues (mostly caused by me), impulsive behaviour, fuckin way overreacting to things that don't call for it, suicidal/self harm, and most recently I think I've been disassociating. My mental state is at the worst it's been in my whole life, and recently I just go into a state where I lie there and reside in a quiet place for hours. My girlfriend came to visit me during a particularly bad weekend and I ended up doing exactly that. It felt like I was zoned out for like 10, 15 minutes, but it was from 1pm - 7:30pm or something. I've never experienced it before but it was pretty relaxing in relation to being aware of how shitty everything is.

I know there's a lot of overlap with mental illness, and I'm not trying to self diagnose but I'm absolutely sick of getting slapped with 'depression' when I know there's much more going on. I was depressed when I was 14, what I'm feeling now is many orders of magnitude stronger.

I'm starting interpersonal therapy in a few days and have no idea what is going to happen. It's really hard to vocalise what goes on in my head, and I don't want my history of mental illness make me look like an idiot for suggesting something I've only read about online. 

I just want this seemingly never-ending search for 'what's wrong with me' to make some partial progress, even if it's as small as a label. Apologies if this got a bit long, haven't used my voice for like 3 days maybe I'm compensating ahah, cheers.",6.253583333333332,6.580347058333337,7.056333333333335,74.15733333333338,65.91666666666666,10.6,33.5,10.442506126195006,3.5125,2465,101,456,59,36,821,297,600,0.192,0.752,0.055999999999999994,-0.9977,0,1,2,0,0,0,78.0,0,1,2,3,23,33,4,2,28,1,40,18,3,9,4,87,86,38,0,7,15,1,5,8,1,1,12,5,0,7,30,27,0,2,14,3,0,6,12,20,0,1,29,12,52,13,77,49,17,77,0,8,1,3,32,31,3,18,43,296,82,7,0.06682260373460089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920806482618652,0.0,0.05343801206421856,0.05560175935436385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223821791092036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055794082936369074,0.0,0.0,0.05686111406082262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295297637555248,0.0,0.16832146033518205,0.0,0.06823334962801597,0.07642725692762818,0.0,0.06864522116878723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722114954722162,0.0,0.05335241167732548,0.0,0.0,0.08619010262547668,0.0,0.2302168427219653,0.0678235361858616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679153287705534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516643512485177,0.11836998581853972,0.0,0.0,0.044135699547718565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005584749029715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757503248560892,0.0,0.06416017876883541,0.07320089612818903,0.0,0.05683927260030858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355284077509444,0.104736157350207,0.12820466088771412,0.11393047688964315,0.05604762963562274,0.053444140567584,0.0,0.0,0.13232976706409638,0.05909100779746975,0.0,0.1197198552984184,0.0,0.13715853950668935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161360858019305,0.0,0.0,0.0754345859410829,0.0,0.13949087448287092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344791090095146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943975623938362,0.26116919075708345,0.0,0.0,0.1182718030408253,0.056114157434264116,0.0,0.0,0.17043056428870434,0.0,0.0,0.08920921375773579,0.06774763196450441,0.0671322870198047,0.0,0.0,0.13463348633629485,0.202024403161036,0.07088822267390674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912230245226086,0.04954811396306908,0.1546131344489215,0.12907537416975473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411809049893842,0.0,0.140238163695221,0.0,0.0,0.10164320256402316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981539843644755,0.0,0.0,0.0753324454300551,0.0,0.0679826111577742,0.07204606882530819,0.06394020718425532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684068688018095,0.0,0.08561654208588991,0.06870476592810579,0.13195851929787386,0.0717424687496251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690108363580903,0.0,0.0,0.06083278875850107,0.13942109832709645,0.0,0.0,0.11055269666999096,0.0,0.0,0.06811722933850765,0.0,0.102886610023876,0.0,0.0,0.04729738285740442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890854239649858,0.05024228183277659,0.053709477686630334,0.05840590098952439,0.0,0.15283494203635525,0.15517238657520904,0.08878793738143934,0.12845167888395664,0.0,0.0,0.07792959522158037,0.0,0.0,0.12770372297636629,0.0,0.04536816158488433,0.07268380426954077,0.0,0.06956468711341264,0.0,0.11542654938838748,0.07359565738731648,0.05513564631024344,0.07882740599326271,0.05304067250834469,0.0536010620385748,0.0,0.0,0.06194522312899424,0.06029700627934551,0.0746050506969272,0.0,0.06441460542998018,0.0,0.04864765137215885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612005439142434,0.0,0.08606313187992161
bpd,gemfire12,2018/11/10,I am a monster Lately if i look in a mirror or refelction all i see is a monster looking back at me. Its not what i remember looking like. I see photos of me and i think who is this. ,-1.3619512195121963,0.5251201219512218,1.9982439024390253,95.34126829268291,91.6829268292683,4.255609756097561,22.83414634146341,5.6839178017228535,0.2340887804878049,139,6,33,1,5,50,29,41,0.0,0.925,0.075,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,3,9,1,4,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,2,3,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591509842338788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167505688778573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371829370534864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7073947647315558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31808758225673833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475167505894387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799229945172956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unupvotable,2018/11/10,"Reoccurring dream 10 months ago I cut off communication with someone really special. We always had that unique connection and she told me how she’d been wanting to make our friendship a relationship.

I’ve come up with excuse after excuse that I could give over the months but I never went through with any of them. I’ve realized it’s too late and that leaving her in the dark for so long can’t be undone but this reoccurring dream where we meet up and I try to explain why I disappeared won’t stop replaying every night. At some point in every dream my guilt manifests itself into this scenario and I always wake up feeling so empty.

I don’t want to have to forget her or the memories we shared but I need to because they just get overlapped with feelings of anxiety and despair. It’s a vicious cycle, but I guess you could argue I deserve it.",4.298517482517486,6.064554721212126,5.3078787878787885,79.61412587412589,71.48484848484848,7.986013986013986,28.44988344988345,8.617729084823388,2.240729603729603,679,26,124,12,13,223,111,165,0.153,0.733,0.114,-0.8644,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,4,1,2,0,6,7,3,1,5,0,10,1,1,2,1,36,23,13,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,14,0,1,4,3,0,3,4,5,0,0,4,2,23,2,23,14,1,24,0,1,0,0,20,12,0,3,9,87,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909589991980294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867917490171697,0.0,0.0,0.12205079717997296,0.0,0.13729973171549928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940776672674343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460390155987186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865962243611927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30243492695314755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814983480839652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376954201624274,0.17217109124394808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771460779336694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245834233111454,0.19004066867275876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883186501903204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980256860658235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28651432170341384,0.0,0.0,0.13308022954910534,0.1384240473754833,0.0,0.0,0.16842739644725602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966417000997655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497782824269905,0.0,0.0,0.19269157685267102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207063184796832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005115594411708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149836198242954,0.0,0.12185338401452513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117208596913088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663773624082154,0.16195045169146352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MusicMan561,2018/11/10,"Should I release my inner beast? When I was a kid my mom and sister were BPD like me and it was one emotional explosion after the other on a daily basis.  I started retreating into my logical brain to distance myself from their emotions and my own.    Eventually this rational reasonable person I painstakingly constructed took over and ruthlessly imprisoned the Borderline within me.    But this safe calm life I have built makes me feel empty and dead inside.   I ache for more.  I know that I am more.

I read it over and over again, that I'm BPD because I don't have a self image.   This is completely false.  I have gone deep inside myself I know exactly who I am, and maybe I know who you are too.  I am passion.  I am emotion.  I am a sex god.  I am fire.  I am chaos. I am a volcano. I am joy.  I am ecstasy.  I am love.  I am intimacy.  I am intensity.  I am destruction.  I am a black hole of need, never getting enough from others.  I am hunger.  I am ache.  I'm insatiable.    I'm guessing a lot of you are too.   Bow down before us mere mortals and tremble in fear.    Sh!t's about to get real.  

For some reason I was never bit by the depression or self hatred bug.   I love myself.  I'm amazing.  I am beautiful.    

And so here I am... I can't live with my true self, and I can't live without my true self.  What to do what to do?  Release my inner beast, but keep me on a chain with rational brain?",-0.3677659574468102,1.895480929078019,2.5580815602836893,89.27925,94.31914893617022,5.940567375886525,20.170567375886524,7.365786028017652,0.9524124822695036,1050,37,221,22,40,368,147,282,0.10099999999999999,0.784,0.115,0.5886,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,2,1,0,7,14,1,2,11,0,35,8,2,3,5,38,54,15,2,2,4,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,13,13,1,2,7,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,6,3,53,10,25,47,7,20,0,1,1,4,16,12,0,4,7,165,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897237619662401,0.0,0.0962783886343108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352545544573733,0.0,0.28500530180099204,0.2526153369920105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863078293783973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745195385215387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818199857356869,0.0,0.11690942782729412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732001382029026,0.05720970602744736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182275869661551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464239711931445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056881643507742,0.0,0.0,0.18654523289508326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991793115910223,0.05527711965888087,0.0,0.1998188948165784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619215976083284,0.20423625395339914,0.0,0.0755254227233508,0.0,0.11366974647540605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251450681393587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389586892600659,0.17452939139296736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667024074377418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879418550000037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317600321989255,0.12878421820616054,0.0,0.2326645991487218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721412483828654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008488548535997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257086853069624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609996629603652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906811302852083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wintergreenize,2018/11/10,Dbt. Today is different. Today I see a psychiatrist for the second time. I usually dont get to the point where there a follow up. I find something that's like nah late find another one..so that's kinda..nervewracking. it was suppose to be sooner but I'm not at the state to want to be in the room alone with her so my appointment allows my boyfriend to be there so I'm purposely making it slower becsydr I want to work around his schedule. I suck.  I dont know ha. Anyways yeah that's it. Not asking for anything just venting I guess ,-0.5563761467889883,1.4266438899082594,1.7997201834862402,91.86655275229359,105.5137614678899,4.7488073394495425,19.211467889908253,6.508806274219699,0.513762935779817,420,15,85,7,20,141,72,109,0.1,0.825,0.07400000000000001,-0.5653,2,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,6,2,7,0,0,2,0,14,19,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,1,11,2,13,15,0,15,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,1,7,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962993477288617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987422000585204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559697639113238,0.16872482828475713,0.1771880586727153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802196765541893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444263252838562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464600212343053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902333118309177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087923078889126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416254982792852,0.0,0.2138018278894974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259640101418484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265149554176102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843267524747032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791702394567746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103350820513534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591200092390655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051839658564086,0.0,0.3593108305116984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087441626505459,0.0,0.22358331241449145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379825061844897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,summerwasting,2018/11/10,"Something i posted on a Facebook article NPR posted about childhood trauma and how it has lifelong consequences Here is the article: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/11/09/666143092/should-childhood-trauma-be-treated-as-a-public-health-crisis?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=202909&fbclid=IwAR1STRi15jH-ZaWT9ZXhxyHYLwj8frhLc2DQpDBxpgdcPnWX4P1E89mAnoA 

I have BPD, chronic major depression, and generalized anxiety disorder as a result of my very early childhood experiences (infant to 6 years old). By the time i was given the proper tools and care, and attention, it wa too late. I have suffered most of my life undiagnosed because as someone with BPD i can look very well adjusted at times when i need to. This is a real result of childhood trauma that i think about every day. Early intervention could’ve helped me a lot-  but my mandatory school therapy for children or divorced parents were group sessions and the therapist had minimal training and couldn’t recognize the signs. I wasn’t diagnosed until i was 32. I suffer from depression and anxiety which makes it difficult to have to the energy to relearn adaptive  coping mechanisms because I’ve been maladaptive for my entire life. I wish i had gotten help sooner.",16.084651515151513,19.00948983888889,11.50737373737374,41.70590909090913,45.05555555555557,12.101010101010099,39.696969696969695,11.741389052700956,5.449333333333334,1121,42,117,25,11,316,118,180,0.14400000000000002,0.775,0.081,-0.8898,1,0,1,0,1,0,57.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,10,0,15,4,0,4,0,25,23,14,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,9,1,17,2,20,13,3,17,0,4,1,0,7,2,0,3,13,84,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020633684006148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003304347178658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549141956480193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799365126585369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330760797445627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887307419810412,0.0,0.0,0.07167165941470338,0.0,0.1914375623242365,0.11279776303171557,0.0,0.0,0.12736816734295694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363443474996623,0.0,0.0,0.10870950222248366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362585892485414,0.0,0.0,0.14898035643604604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253629839355548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569931984155547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332381926606116,0.0,0.0,0.09448139237544056,0.0,0.0,0.07418221106988211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240378977231451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661549991398112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340016225069304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128695906159984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264938045091593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247263616123138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328620601919748,0.09416271988559444,0.08555569430062349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270903918039627,0.12903410139226024,0.0,0.07120960682475168,0.0,0.0,0.1296052153764544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339290213534354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992200864436217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127797587059305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156607647937963
bpd,C4ra_w,2018/11/10,"Does anyone else struggle picking the right people to actually like when you have BPD.... I don’t know if this is just a me thing or if it is a BPD thing as again I’m new to this as only found out I have it hence I’ve been acting a certain way all these years and it’s very assuring to know I’m not crazy I just have a mental health issue. But anyways, I’ve always had a thing for liking only certain types of people and if they weren’t that type I would be cringed out and don’t want to be near them or anything of the sort and if I do like them I’m constantly wanting to be around them. But the types of people I like are very hard to get as you put it and can be a bit of a dick aswell but I always fall for the “bad boy” type of people and all the nice guys I can’t stand because they’re too nice and it freaks me out. Is this just me or is it a BPD thing? ",1.1564615384615389,2.005204030769235,2.9743589743589745,96.89230769230772,77.92307692307692,5.815384615384616,19.15384615384616,5.6839178017228535,-0.4730923076923075,666,12,171,3,15,223,95,195,0.062,0.818,0.12,0.7729,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,4,0,8,12,0,1,13,0,21,2,1,1,5,38,30,21,0,7,14,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,15,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,4,1,17,9,21,21,3,16,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,8,9,114,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.12206420101955152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081602609566688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746182787628877,0.12816361336878404,0.10293369391288956,0.11135151708020964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444013821444917,0.07625020820423571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655962307880498,0.0,0.4726177667060073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517165568240325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946208502452934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449185465872067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714844256054626,0.0,0.0,0.06535136687153141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385309010116595,0.0,0.0,0.11205093422397927,0.0,0.0,0.13295872667142813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305554768886528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748608387033234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444394185234073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605552105404733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080716456747816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902644432108067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468707247812277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574423689286468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682128061292392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076523462801531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33240171587617623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641524040289386,0.14755588305684628,0.09928606899187713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885627447024473,0.0,0.0,0.08055016693220267
bpd,iriedashur,2018/11/10,"Up and down incredibly often -advice/support? The last few weeks my mood swings have been MUCH more dramatic than usual. Like comments that usually wouldn't hurt much (like my friends teasing me about missing class) make me really upset. One day or couple hours I'll be decently productive and then I'll be an anxious mess. Just now I giggled for 10 minutes about a stupid joke my boyfriend made and now I'm so anxious and despairing I can't sleep.

All this has an incredibly negative impact on school. Last semester I had to withdraw from half my classes and extend my college career by a semester, and I can't afford to do that again. In unreliable for group projects and have trouble doing things on time. In currently medicated, but I'm not sure it does much. I dunno, I just wanted to tell someone. Thanks for reading",3.792150537634409,6.372695741935487,4.655483870967744,80.08989247311828,75.45161290322581,7.746236559139786,30.333333333333336,8.648137234880735,2.7683462365591405,660,31,115,14,15,213,109,155,0.133,0.7759999999999999,0.091,-0.5392,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,9,16,2,1,5,0,12,2,1,2,2,20,19,11,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,0,13,7,17,13,6,19,0,3,0,0,5,6,0,3,15,79,18,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761457153244034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420484214517446,0.0,0.1073645968409678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145686100035858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862056078053216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394738599395206,0.0,0.17821824048502666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140372875156715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266557306910387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575255957607177,0.11112541901960694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770916313444054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36714165812779614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128098635103944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652314316522848,0.0,0.10665012854100292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848471677236154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659832031620786,0.0,0.14105634696511327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891736575321202,0.15690363136179802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455091900777067,0.15327065991936092,0.0,0.0,0.1106006468367006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707471412699822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667041966045704,0.0,0.09819309185953222,0.0,0.13353868346174186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inkbeary,2018/11/10,"i never know if im being dramatic bc of bpd or not it’s just like one word or action can completely set me off and i’ll start crying about how much my friends hate me. even when im not having a full blown episode it’s like my subconscious gathers “proof” that they hate me 

whenever i try to talk about it to someone they say im being over dramatic and paranoid but it all feels so real to me so i never know if any of it is an actual problem or not 

like today i found out one of my close friends (we’ve been friends for over a year at this point) was telling someone that i was a huge gossiper and to not tell me anything. like he wasn’t joking and ive never told anyone a his secrets so i didn’t get it. but it hurt, now im positive he hates me and im scared he’ll tell me he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. even more so i feel like all my other friends see me as a gossip now and it hurts. i talked to someone else about it and they said it was lies and im just being overdramatic again

at this point im not sure if these are real problems or if my bpd is going out of control and making me feel like everyone despises me now. like if someone doesn’t open my text in less than a minute i start acting like it’s the end and they’ll never want to see or talk to me again 

i know a lot of this is bpd but with everything else i feel lost lol and if some of these are real problems it hurts to know that my friends are brushing it off

anyways rant over lmaoo bpd is fun and i love that it fucks with my logic and reason :)))",0.7126584101382463,2.346388151785714,2.6144777265745027,95.62299539170508,81.17261904761905,5.6450076804915525,20.957757296466973,6.532088108194933,0.09976201996927793,1193,34,286,11,31,398,147,336,0.214,0.6579999999999999,0.128,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,2,19,33,5,1,9,1,23,2,0,4,8,74,50,34,0,11,21,0,4,8,6,2,0,2,0,0,24,19,0,1,12,1,0,3,13,15,0,2,10,9,37,18,33,34,8,35,0,4,2,2,29,16,1,13,23,186,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.06272802101963962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043712613677440185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374850118982849,0.04494608027263605,0.0,0.052896974391063854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238337088905205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739637154920672,0.0,0.07209550137963118,0.0,0.0,0.07060857686351392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739540669034467,0.0,0.0569330129571778,0.0,0.0,0.08491268582481498,0.0,0.0,0.061422307898549675,0.05777073165423755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300076256149152,0.0918433094844603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047971736095499,0.2979754755084375,0.05942583701520422,0.033583654179844186,0.0,0.03653181320766628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038961725024314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064392529100244,0.0,0.4860341182890197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130645818989576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512317428876432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016922842496967,0.0546485691050249,0.05801522216402263,0.0,0.04290740839113393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725320633709063,0.0,0.1983068376905302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711560193684463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121530780460426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452187616308774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194941853610909,0.0,0.06609056006479751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061145013151781925,0.05111804702885231,0.06435550760858813,0.0,0.10244569736300717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785698857345046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909954493088888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058315233623322,0.0,0.0,0.15499752076056642,0.1685506960984068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060929937070415975,0.061422307898549675,0.0,0.043641909957059424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582803521958732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041394221419999884
bpd,q7t1,2018/11/10,"Honestly dying doesn't sound so bad I'm so tired of obsessing over my weight. BPD  + disordered eating + substance abuse is fucking ridiculous, God why is this okay...",2.6524193548387096,5.607939967741939,3.4195967741935505,84.34939516129033,84.80645161290323,6.970967741935485,27.10483870967742,8.07648339933343,2.377574193548388,133,6,23,3,4,42,28,31,0.406,0.46799999999999997,0.126,-0.9179999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.3479145915095116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451765764377333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698284586292485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047512663735308,0.0,0.3365361135604007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004663432128746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27146483028443313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33749521541118577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35757359880970524,0.0,0.0,0.26496382395735996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0princessunicorn0,2018/11/10,"I’ll be your mirror This is a song by the velvet underground & Nico that I would like to dedicate to all the lovely people on this sub because we are beautiful empathetic people who often can’t see who we really are. 

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
Cause I see you

I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't...
 let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind 

Please put down your hands
Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror",0.8136842105263149,2.784267021164027,2.024923419660261,98.26223057644111,82.49206349206351,5.037148426622111,15.238373712057927,6.05967700443912,-0.8511121693121688,693,10,164,5,19,220,85,189,0.08800000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.106,0.6836,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,22,0,0,4,5,0,1,11,0,24,7,4,2,1,20,34,8,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,2,2,1,2,0,13,5,0,0,6,4,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,14,31,2,13,21,1,14,0,0,8,1,27,6,0,2,5,102,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156373452419716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797770368790425,0.0,0.0,0.16260212286675405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965180851443259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319082212075149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928468159333478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476731257231254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158631828460798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442738840930726,0.0,0.07050872134963337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025676091988264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914493230579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708739246011831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001102066572208,0.0,0.0,0.31684570166824355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901681050939754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924567387348225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450192262719404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849521603385033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252261823620863,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaychiddy,2018/11/10,Self harm no more After committing myself to sobriety I began searching for other ways to achieve release and a high. Unfortunately this led me down the rabbit hole of self harm. I quickly attached myself to the instant endorphin rush and am struggling to quit. What are some healthier ways to achieve instant gratification and how have you lessened your urges? ,7.256451612903228,9.884671741935488,6.755677419354843,68.71351612903229,65.45161290322581,8.830967741935485,38.206451612903216,9.3871,4.202796129032258,296,16,42,6,5,92,48,62,0.204,0.737,0.059000000000000004,-0.8813,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,3,2,3,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,9,3,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,33,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305950973168603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328067273015626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6528440412694712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271100956140833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967295109203494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nyafumiz,2019/09/09,"Do BPD people miss their ex? I’ve realized my ex may have undiagnosed BPD. I would like to know if they ever miss their exes and even if they say they don’t ever want to see you again, do they eventually realize they’re at wrong? I have my story about him on Reddit if you would like to know more about our relationship. I’m learning and researching more about this illness so I apologize if I offend anybody.",4.128455284552846,5.410266073170731,5.425365853658537,80.50723577235773,71.1951219512195,8.881300813008131,25.861788617886177,9.2995712137729,2.0515300813008137,326,10,65,7,6,109,51,82,0.147,0.758,0.095,-0.6609999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,6,0,8,6,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,17,15,7,0,7,4,2,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,16,2,8,12,2,5,0,2,1,0,15,2,0,5,5,46,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828184857641683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282128331895808,0.4185846293063244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543157606201372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260766868083684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040658393615018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248410612160665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399902139063173,0.0,0.0,0.1843762541420526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647121794875502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32872492097577616,0.25297270077922346,0.0,0.0
bpd,HerpDerpHollerin,2019/09/09,"SO, BPD and BPD Interpersonal Relation Themed Novel Never been one to believe in much of a higher power, but some thing are coincidental to the point of being hilarious. First and foremost, I should note the platonic love of life and cousin is named 'Hope'. I can delve a bit more into the story, but--- would anyone be interested in a story from the POV of a BPD that FP's do not play the entire role in? That is to say, Hope was never a FP, just someone I dearly loved and trusted. It won't be a memoir, because there's the whole nonsense with recalling every detail of your life and I might not get 100% right (you think that wouldn't matter. but it does. a lot.). Instead, the protagonist will be a sufferer of BPD building up to realizing the end isn't so easily defined. There may be further books in the 'series' but I intend for the primary protagonize juggling FP's a solid in their life, and things beyond that. It will involve the soulmate concept, which I find contrived, but will be observed in a platonic POV from two people who do not know the magnitude of their love for each other until... potentially the end of the novel. Said 'soulmate' references will be platonic and explored more deeply in the book. Soulmates will be portrayed as the BPD Ideal FP at first but will evolve much more deeply in the end-- a 'fp' and a soulmate will, in the end, not necessarily be the same person. As a person with BPD, it will be a way for me to explore interpersonal relations--- healthy and otherwise-- in a pwBPD. Again, this will not be a 'memoir' in so many words-- those depend primarily on factual occurrences. The protag will spend a lot of time in a 'halfway' world unlike our own-- the closest I can come to describing my disorder..

​

Just curious if anyone would be interested. BPD seems readily represented in comedic tales, but this is... a coming of age tale tangled with BPD.",6.141405715681486,7.045794901685394,6.886971177332683,73.254902296043,66.2752808988764,9.674450415241818,32.051294577430376,9.761364909221204,3.1133303859306287,1499,59,265,31,23,496,185,356,0.038,0.778,0.184,0.9961,1,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,1,2,2,4,10,13,0,0,40,0,40,6,0,2,3,60,52,23,0,8,15,1,0,0,0,17,3,2,0,2,16,16,0,0,8,6,1,4,10,1,0,4,3,2,14,12,45,20,13,40,0,1,0,3,17,23,0,10,12,204,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203078662976099,0.09199485270625833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587513694398094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615156938550067,0.0,0.0,0.085298238543892,0.0,0.0,0.08265473718967739,0.0,0.7628237672314885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043338518974487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867691966253425,0.0,0.0662535503976566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26822319129548056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378818859696724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919675290881205,0.12879625677357046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955488402772975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039245347605135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160774566206319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042674539095428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873035207276326,0.2049912769097783,0.0,0.0,0.07675715225685599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031539912494379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130981081408192,0.0,0.11678306244980427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130245078699392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052487162656857024,0.13221254532362958,0.0,0.0,0.07156957818182752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465516436165658,0.07201669869338695,0.06020692123383665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892272827177011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414808132184363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100595534198598,0.04851133925443795,0.0,0.0,0.044146589572843085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395679732036435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060094365772993125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452651508874612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107563155908151,0.0,0.09199485270625833,0.0
bpd,KarianeT,2019/09/09,"This is my heavy BPD story     Trigger Warnings - Death, Cancer, Self-Harm, Drugs, Suicide and Drugs.

    I was adopted. My father had cancer when my brother was a baby and became infertile.
    My father had cancer again when I was around 7. Was pretty traumatized, but was ok with thoughts of how I’d grow up with only my mom with me and sort of accepted it as fate.
    My mom was diagnosed with cancer in my first year of secondary school (13yo). Uncurable, only stabilized for 3 years, and she passed at age 51. She suffered. I was not good to her or the rest of my family since the diagnosis. My father and I haven’t gotten along at all since.
    I struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts around age 16, started seeing a therapist.
    Family doctor gave me antidepressants, I have generalized anxiety disorder and severe major depression.

    I’m now age 18 and I finally get to request treatment in mental health.
    I’m admitted to the ER and diagnosed BPD after calling 811 after a morning of feeling extremely unwell. Answers a lot of questions.
    I’m sent to crises center (most hellish days of my life, all days included) for 10 days.
    I begin escorting.
    Few months later, I call 911 on my father after he finds out about the escorting.
    Few hours after they leave, first suicide attempt. I wake up at the hospital.
    Sent to transitional unit in mental health facility.
    I move in to my uncle’s.

    I’m currently at my uncle’s, trying to find a new place to move into.
    Still escorting. Still going to school.
    I’m on Effexor and Quetiapine.
    I tried cocaine. I smoke weed occasionally. I still drink. I still like cocaine.
    I’m only seeing a social worker every other week and my family doctor. I feel unsafe.
    Still 18 and still alive. Not strong and not steady.",2.7978593931354685,5.5870064662576695,4.496522964682473,78.51779389819269,80.96319018404908,7.450704692422483,24.761731056209587,8.441846121484758,2.239271862046096,1372,52,232,32,37,460,177,326,0.201,0.7509999999999999,0.049,-0.9954,1,0,6,0,0,2,54.0,0,0,1,5,14,9,1,1,11,1,12,15,1,2,2,46,33,19,4,0,5,7,2,1,0,0,13,0,0,0,3,23,1,0,10,1,0,7,4,4,1,2,15,4,36,5,46,18,8,58,1,2,2,0,21,18,0,5,34,146,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635600384009985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479270905482074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928609088115915,0.0,0.16967879179444162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607494636917811,0.0,0.07156125988382371,0.16865969116249308,0.0,0.0,0.09522296892517168,0.17008268063069215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139197758598378,0.19270517463299333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000296115209104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349763211453439,0.0,0.08402086318594283,0.0,0.0,0.0910159011759972,0.15187694500410115,0.1413446526350124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340864775865857,0.0,0.047219299097846223,0.06968802009105861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766316087577967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182229880747488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797535179180851,0.0,0.0,0.058685614961917425,0.040591288005776265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063616347676857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674609108704962,0.0,0.0,0.19461703302276487,0.06631790558644356,0.1766130815159491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024431476300765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957037759985412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680647014931267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452763485281252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307456753405348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681735485645315,0.13241647759373,0.0,0.17335220712279462,0.09386275641979454,0.0,0.13745806195098045,0.0,0.0,0.08469501524953163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880821344719956,0.0,0.3981122383090608,0.0,0.0,0.08685881077597793,0.0,0.2726455472689198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646845427302192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192091844947562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281894976027147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664602789681877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700843733336887
bpd,abstractwaters,2019/09/09,"Tell me GOOD things about yourself. I'm disappointed in how I handled an interaction with my SO/FP this morning and feeling down on myself. Lately I'm feeling pretty bad about what I believe he thinks of my character so rather than dwell and feel super sad I want to list some OBJECTIVELY GOOD things about myself. I'm guessing a lot of other people feel this way too so show me what you got and PLEASE be positive here. We've got enough self-hate going on already :)

Here's my list:

I have a good sense of humor (most of the time) when it comes to my shortcomings 
I have worked super hard on having integrity and now I fuckin do!
I am loyal and very affectionate
I care deeply for others/the environment/creatures
I am always working to become more of who I truly feel I am 
I'm intelligent and hungry for experience",2.76325,5.200860825000003,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,78.25,6.75,23.125,7.865858978985527,1.3362500000000002,652,21,122,11,16,216,103,160,0.061,0.623,0.316,0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,4,12,14,1,1,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,21,25,10,0,2,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,6,20,9,20,22,5,12,0,2,0,1,5,5,1,4,4,81,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583712024994128,0.0,0.13258475137042836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330433551016578,0.0,0.17597998049452598,0.0,0.17952311423013018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624591057752462,0.0,0.0,0.137258447000591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646421888136603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155866396229265,0.0,0.0,0.4028388213335333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055735002710323,0.4009438438511032,0.2548796358834361,0.0,0.17553243961659692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273853411437673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974396098872827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546630091400874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046721547964602,0.0,0.0,0.17490893135671312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210741714881702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622775854699046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927134592826848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117185991793151,0.10209949052992122,0.0,0.0,0.09291321108205576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147328506463474,0.09398364499748774,0.12647773125702835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320047723967116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angvuish,2019/09/09,"My heart hurts I made him cum
now i feel so numb
our love only exists in his room 
his mind is my tomb 
a hug & a kiss
brought me ecstasy and bliss
no vampyrina, nor ghost 
i feel like a shell at most 
he said goodbye and i started to cry
he asked me why we can't live nor die 
why does he have to ration the passion 
when my skin grazes him soft as satin
alone together 
but never forever. 

Damn i love this guy so much my heart hurts lol.",2.1133984962406025,2.938971557894739,3.3660150375939857,95.1021052631579,75.52631578947368,7.112781954887217,21.99248120300752,7.447530270364453,0.4097218045112787,338,8,84,4,7,110,72,95,0.149,0.604,0.247,0.9184,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,4,10,1,0,4,1,3,9,3,1,1,10,12,9,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,5,17,6,5,9,2,8,0,2,0,5,14,3,1,1,5,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467387113792794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319722727529898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669441387906128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586355712962208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505611196944807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560390038893966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803163095620437,0.12738365573459542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655348702410412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225929539609536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817659572651037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871125453373845,0.0,0.1574497065096143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32186083576434416,0.16871985071696058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800407941205992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107729244922747,0.0,0.13752253748249846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561167863526452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696122526275419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620770149990676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217914442659401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d1450,2019/09/09,"Can't be honest because of fear of hurting feelings It hurts to tell people even if it's just an inkling of discomfort with something they do. 

How do I get around this...? Like everything else its hurting each and every relationship with friends.",6.7940000000000005,8.098055066666667,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,65.0,8.666666666666668,37.22222222222222,8.841846274778883,3.3345555555555566,198,10,34,3,3,60,39,45,0.303,0.599,0.099,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,6,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,3,7,5,1,1,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003118735656981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371676153649784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797192645310612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862089196066905,0.0,0.1895856161512542,0.0,0.20222979839283514,0.0,0.0,0.2532054664055511,0.11377480934027165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384674041848314,0.0,0.11756153020067235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7226525837724864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993141176168997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559977057069848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415828865587985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322824730607886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667383070352484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mieeekeee,2019/09/09,"DAE feel really overwhelmed when others share feelings Basically when someone I deeply care about (like a partner or a close friend) tells me about something that upsets them I feel super distressed when listening to it and have no idea how to respond. Mostly this is about shitty things happening to them day to day and them just venting about it. Very often I end up super disconnected from the conversation because I'm trying to soothe myself so I can get back to being a 'good friend/partner' and actually help out. Not that they want help, I asked and they just want to vent. But that seems to be the thing I fail at being able to provide. 

Do y'all run into this as well? If so any tips for coping and finding a decent way to respond? 

Thanks ✨✨ (on mobile, sorry for formatting!)",4.3508,6.213995746666669,4.939666666666671,81.91150000000002,71.53333333333333,7.133333333333333,25.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.5129333333333337,622,20,113,8,12,199,102,150,0.11,0.7020000000000001,0.188,0.9336,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,5,3,15,13,0,3,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,25,20,15,0,3,6,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,10,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,4,14,9,23,17,1,15,0,2,0,0,17,6,0,5,8,82,24,1,0.1841665721141295,0.0,0.17972000803597754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523958437846255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217088426691665,0.0,0.0,0.1416127260316993,0.0,0.11226623298845194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777009432897046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23754440658647705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311691935846107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793604573417301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832491045354642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28457327354088363,0.0,0.09621943273468447,0.0,0.0,0.15447018296550052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285789150108013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468859424467454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790164308464928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997448452208336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798182195090745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765833043998804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604373890918627,0.14178042477809813,0.0,0.2061593995424313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609697014980016,0.16955583604338406,0.0,0.0,0.24470417431753985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250370134542017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195670947788512,0.21725243164852695,0.146182852695875,0.0,0.0,0.16558786584676474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thisgirlgoesondates,2019/09/09,"Anyone else always unsure if someone in your life is good or bad? Because my emotions are all out whack constantly I feel like I can’t trust if someone is good influence in my life? 

I’ve cut off people at the drop of a hat and then also kept shitholes in my life for way too long. 

Does anyone have a good indicator if someone is decent? I feel like I can’t even ask my closest friends but my brain will skew the story of the person, making them look good or bad depending how I view them",6.623960396039599,5.147772584158417,7.12562376237624,79.95378217821784,65.73267326732673,9.664158415841584,32.08118811881188,8.238735603445708,2.2196677227722774,385,12,80,4,5,127,67,101,0.10800000000000001,0.725,0.16699999999999998,0.6531,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,0,4,11,1,0,5,0,8,4,1,4,1,16,14,10,0,3,6,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,13,8,9,12,1,12,0,0,2,0,6,7,0,6,5,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977117152524536,0.12462080080250668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209445606562974,0.15345726468978113,0.0,0.0,0.14001491564637364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501037152892206,0.09129852128449972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671930705664526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184837489657394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106490768772164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251137805560263,0.1684713118343711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989218018545278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514566222435739,0.2139917157073544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571208180666676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5024805379814243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173613557176364,0.14634030503270365,0.0,0.0,0.13254191035006527,0.1257692439415065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997276872659333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383179598862248,0.13077355812627614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806994028091788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188806102513128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittyflipp,2019/09/09,"Struggling to cope after losing people close to me. Sorry if this is a bit disjointed, I have a lot floating around in my head right now. 

How do you all cope when you lose people close to you? In the past year I went through a really messy breakup, which was completely my fault but took me going through DBT and reading up on my diagnosis to realize what I had done. I was emotionally abusive and manipulative and really hurt my ex. I didn't realize and it honestly haunts me now that I could even hurt someone as bad as I did because I was selfish and always wanted my own way. He ended up telling everyone about what happened and a great deal of my friends turned their backs on me, including many people in my career (my ex and I worked in the same industry and it is all very word of mouth/networking based.) 

I have very few people I can talk to anymore and it pains me. I feel alone and isolated but I can't get over blaming myself and feeling like I deserve it all. I'm angry and hurt but at the end of the day I know it was all my fault. I feel like I ruined my life by allowing my bpd to run rampant and never consider anyone else but myself. I feel horrified and disgusted that I could even cause such emotional pain to someone else. 

It's been almost a year and I still struggle constantly with this. DBT has helped a lot regarding managing my emotions but I still have days that are a challenge. 

I'm curious to hear what others in similar situations have done and how they have copied with such a loss/realization of past transgressions and ways to move forward and become a better person. I don't want this to be me and I never want to hurt anyone ever again with my own self-centeredness. 

Thank you.",4.168441176470592,5.491183667647062,5.262235294117649,81.55805882352944,71.1470588235294,8.851764705882351,28.30588235294117,9.281916038205594,2.388802352941177,1357,50,267,29,25,448,179,340,0.23600000000000002,0.664,0.1,-0.9946,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,2,5,16,24,1,2,13,0,26,4,1,5,7,60,44,30,0,6,6,2,4,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,17,25,0,0,7,1,0,6,5,16,0,0,12,5,50,8,37,29,11,43,0,7,0,0,16,16,0,4,23,194,67,5,0.0,0.09860417959584512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333457341037448,0.08619264719208727,0.0,0.0,0.06924717284504507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253362567424323,0.11638118216144408,0.08527052999074743,0.0,0.07408501233015233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399239810194945,0.06948669519973201,0.0507312137554296,0.0919118978661832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360288565552188,0.0908566099939765,0.0,0.10481489608157477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549167419264914,0.0,0.0,0.0872564342286368,0.08993315978537089,0.0,0.13289161048209885,0.0,0.0,0.10734230361309836,0.08579798249640652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703295132667433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904220694569513,0.2808398431457887,0.14741955943159624,0.0,0.0,0.10993437800194272,0.0752788483786014,0.0,0.07952196010148505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831769385992426,0.11890728698235788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429692697790045,0.0,0.0434799358591783,0.0,0.047296845262363336,0.0,0.0,0.0917522865423441,0.0,0.0,0.07359272940377104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540953742004417,0.0,0.09379697428923676,0.0,0.05578179291347948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563624703564521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045736504027246036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058781991749366026,0.08131589856219586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620772903292745,0.0,0.1415043322419883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437380462351039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845156268054408,0.0,0.0,0.12837150682065446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710764494474893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888917737552166,0.23078196504386364,0.07266603267525823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324428311655864,0.09472458486158997,0.10662798366561732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107093013946596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681844788913813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354474748456604,0.0,0.0,0.14102705796876022,0.0,0.0,0.09315994923383518,0.0,0.0,0.13292201347122226,0.0,0.0,0.17400291031137766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689050001241162,0.07273948824561358,0.07661941736908814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246243984752978,0.0,0.09052137946230822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733333888360308,0.14725905450994314,0.13211512224260255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771474072537902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058643399399893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718417255275403
bpd,emoelihen,2019/09/09,"I have no idea what’s going on in my own head. It’s a very unsettling feeling to be asked how you’re doing and just not even be able to come up with one word. It makes me feel sooo damn stupid. “I don’t know” has by default become my entire dialogue. And it takes a really big toll on my personal relationships. My partner of a few months recently ended things, for good reason. They are charismatic, passionate and super caring - compared to me just makes me feel like a brick wall. Which is so frustrating because I think the world of them and love them so much, I just do not care enough about myself to change my behavior and be the partner that I know they deserve and I am constantly beating myself up over it when I am the one dragging them through hell with my episodes.
I just have this growing feeling of being an apathetic piece of garbage.",5.141927054980948,5.945780688622758,5.522525857376156,82.5092868807839,68.46107784431138,8.946978769733262,30.151878062057705,9.095868883498916,2.3911844311377246,673,25,133,12,11,215,110,167,0.133,0.728,0.139,0.0161,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,5,2,11,11,4,0,8,0,14,3,1,4,0,29,30,10,0,0,6,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,9,9,0,0,9,0,0,3,4,4,0,2,0,4,24,7,20,26,5,17,1,0,0,2,11,9,2,1,6,101,33,0,0.17047583848299988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937189643500074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392048883971064,0.18827716999806746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476229579049361,0.0,0.18034083282550287,0.1468498398907645,0.0,0.18422381874897067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509909929863113,0.17614711221704946,0.0,0.11259768352209687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34479082465130284,0.12178797307493824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688534762712832,0.14298704514816651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749573925641509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244647125692893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873781250038438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328588361558076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386110005201906,0.0,0.2275878919079657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607218784276132,0.0,0.12531935648638198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23103768021091614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488529266037324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921118741553557,0.17527755467132922,0.16832432414356688,0.18302725172919065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817661455934493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325657207547125,0.10923403378724662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406604204225866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,holygucamoles,2019/09/09,"My abuser is using my bpd to justify her behavior **TRIGGER WARNING** domestic violence, abuse, suicide 


I have been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship with my ex for a little over a year. I put up with this because I believed her when she told me I deserved it, because I hate myself and figured all the horrible things she was saying were just true. I accepted her words and lost touch with reality because I had to dissociate so frequently to cope with the abuse. Eventually she had me so confused I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t, what she was doing to me vs. what she said I did to make her that way. I spent most of the time we were together longing to die, contemplating suicide nearly every single day. 

Last week she escalated the abuse to physical, and assaulted me twice two days in a row. I dealt with it the first day without reporting her, but the second day our kids were present and she was putting them in danger. She threatened to kill herself and tried to take them with her. I got the police involved and made sure the kids were safe. I thought after this she would just leave and it would be over. 

Since then she has been texting me, calling me, emailing me, coming to my house. I blocked her, turned off her phone and stopped responding to her. I found out she has been contacting my friends and family, even some of my “bosses” (parents of kids I work with) and sending them screen shots of conversations where she basically says my bpd is the reason she assaulted me and abused me, that she “took it for as long as she can.” She has been somehow still stalking my Instagram page and even posting screen shots of my posts on her page calling me a liar and saying other hurtful, untruthful things. I just want her to leave me alone so I can get on with my life. It’s hard enough that I am already trying to process the very sudden loss of my relationship and my fp, no matter how toxic she was to me. Why does she keep making this harder? I feel so overwhelmed, my anxiety is through the roof. I jump every time I hear someone drive by with squeaky breaks (like her car) or a car door shut outside. I am terrified for my safety. I’m working with my therapist and psychiatrist, but what else can I do?  I need this to stop.",5.086369863013702,6.161925079908677,5.5140456621004565,81.53380821917811,68.74885844748857,8.762374429223744,31.03835616438357,9.029198982220553,2.5212569863013696,1787,72,347,32,30,572,230,438,0.201,0.752,0.047,-0.997,1,1,0,0,6,2,48.0,2,0,3,5,14,17,6,2,17,0,35,1,0,8,3,71,58,29,4,5,8,2,3,1,1,2,1,5,1,3,20,30,0,5,6,0,1,9,4,11,0,4,26,10,89,6,51,28,7,48,0,4,2,0,60,14,0,5,22,257,109,4,0.0,0.5503093592374986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017344471210765,0.0854238922555661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921846053441545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156530610324866,0.0,0.0,0.08721459465202681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499044407520866,0.0,0.1580885897521514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668188589006838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996922597078575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033938894657762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774203829796457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466614644267178,0.08707586385811378,0.0,0.07998525327272803,0.0,0.1022571885633863,0.0,0.1304425767059385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729752863084545,0.0,0.03914083672553376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584493137818535,0.0,0.08487610158678016,0.05980679661378771,0.0,0.04044354532844464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619118719724706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934418137405794,0.07642637768650701,0.0,0.0,0.08724672901137519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893207805434468,0.0828690373986332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880559081840082,0.08564272817113162,0.0,0.0,0.06309950565899494,0.0,0.1639320878070044,0.0,0.0,0.05467699298157777,0.03781863018467578,0.07758518570361184,0.0,0.13701087995899364,0.0,0.0,0.0845021913121788,0.0,0.0,0.07324724142046307,0.1033435913138004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057398555867498535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595467667901469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827481992301514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556369204813874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881095605562886,0.0,0.07959040274322324,0.0,0.1662188031482664,0.0,0.0,0.07363466458324247,0.18467868693279985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403437617065298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558926662138517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618197493940956,0.12943650137397947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693480157974542,0.0,0.07295803650577858,0.0,0.05820270823706255,0.0,0.06765977759390683,0.0,0.0,0.08987901039552028,0.10285556757916273,0.0,0.0,0.061454916480520774,0.09027682120032733,0.0,0.0,0.07396860033068035,0.08600539083736419,0.105112657134705,0.08419988302959716,0.07561835050953179,0.0,0.0,0.06685741104696892,0.0,0.06387138120712277,0.04565844090621387,0.06144447811856407,0.06209365620397918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985051108398531,0.0,0.0,0.07462050586247129,0.0,0.11271084655971808,0.0,0.0,0.10997972762585156,0.0,0.0,0.04984952088210212
bpd,inbarlavi,2019/09/09,"DAE get scared sometimes that they’ll never love or be loved in the same way that they obsess? I’ve been in a depressive episode all day, scared that I’m never going to be loved, or love someone else, in the same way/intensity that I do when I obsess over something. Like an actor or a TV show. Immersing myself in these things is one of my only sources of happiness and it sucks because these things can’t love me back. They can comfort me and help me, sure, but it’s not the same and it’s not really healthy. I was just wondering if anybody else felt the same way? And if they had any advice?",4.224262295081966,4.7663449918032805,4.865696721311477,87.33985655737708,70.39344262295081,8.067213114754097,26.72540983606557,8.07648339933343,1.4076688524590155,467,14,101,6,8,150,77,122,0.162,0.727,0.111,-0.6761,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,0,3,15,1,4,7,0,10,5,0,0,4,23,21,11,0,2,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,6,0,1,4,1,12,9,8,14,5,13,0,1,0,5,10,5,1,6,6,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866965601622402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650147169690726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911754890349208,0.0,0.08650505156991392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151812880379408,0.0,0.1222240954775467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370897991957604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625275584496402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414043180372787,0.0,0.080648889227041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106239839494906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511711854373588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932848120378148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6403820143269764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188945029220745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615970182773743,0.1079264952810811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090909112388455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841468708257735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202371480914466,0.1092467666417138,0.14034942684935842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374545396954166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885531085815395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33791697310431434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389184176765006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DanielCallya,2019/09/09,"Is chronic feeling of emptiness and self-harm (cuttting and hirting yourself)nessecary for diagnosis of BPD I'm 15 almost 16(31 October) I'm been disgnosed with
SPD(Schizotypal personality disorder) 
Depression
OCD
PTSD

SPD was suprise
Because I thought I didn't have because of of the symptoms is social anxiety, I don't have that and never had it, I have opposite
I forgot that disgnosis of SPD can be made from 5/9 symptoms

I have pretty much all of the symptoms of BPD exept feeling of emptiness and cutting myself, I remember tried like 10 months ago a little, I didn't like it and never done again, but I can be self-destractive, I do things that make me feel good but hurt my organism like not controlling of drinking soda like liters per day

I have 7 of 9 criteria symtoms of BPD exept feeling of emptiness and I'm not cutting myself but I'm self-destractive in other ways

Can I be diagnosed with BPD tomorrow morning I'm going to psychiatrist",5.8437942955920485,7.53970348314607,6.787078651685394,70.79011668107178,67.53932584269663,9.971305099394993,36.726015557476224,10.214889679676881,4.279634745030251,772,41,125,20,13,257,100,178,0.109,0.775,0.11599999999999999,0.0387,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,3,0,21,7,0,3,3,27,35,9,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,8,2,2,6,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,9,4,16,5,18,23,2,11,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,11,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963317632494216,0.0,0.11254937952385582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598341243409292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703235996777496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566240446722923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606281491750682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248677933960325,0.0,0.0968073883793856,0.11408060906712385,0.0,0.0,0.12881672220895365,0.0,0.0,0.11502117457521993,0.0,0.11010628932364128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22732524127209855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387781649161373,0.0942732874923926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032333425016965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196460257504741,0.11265134150612373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635277769598672,0.07502588343368652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971422880252433,0.0,0.0826247420538001,0.0,0.17337502131388371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814074225575127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143481765032038,0.0,0.0,0.13138610127621558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273239128420709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35176381331053586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457460710404267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35047061858717315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467158558742126,0.0,0.0,0.0892306787809257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631019844904817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921552259528426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DabMagnet,2019/09/09,3 weeks into DBT Started DBT and am thinking I should quit. Why so much homework? Is this therapy or secondary education?,3.003484848484849,6.089364499999999,4.433636363636363,76.33712121212123,85.81818181818181,6.56969696969697,34.60606060606061,7.793537801064563,3.417951515151516,97,6,15,2,3,32,21,22,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31785674203470604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599004817496655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060481954491689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944761780247449,0.0,0.0,0.2770583497426129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468375482956906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39016513912443584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,themegancholy,2019/09/09,"dae do this? Anyone want to push your friends away (to save them from yourself) but you want them to stay but you also hate them, but also love and would do anything from them?",2.8396190476190446,4.6785602,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,75.57142857142857,4.666666666666667,20.238095238095237,3.1291,-0.6154761904761905,137,3,30,0,3,40,23,35,0.10800000000000001,0.618,0.275,0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,4,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,7,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,0,0,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5051330638247771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083340172867436,0.0,0.2598984989364034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967296210065935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24400695785222715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118135224559196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850459658509061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366292854733534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37256559108977655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435425639578493,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Onlylivingirl,2019/09/09,"Pregnancy with BPD I am currently in the first trimester of my second pregnancy. I have a support system and I am in therapy but I’ve never been on medication. I’m very lucky that my husband is so supportive and kind. But I just feel so lost in these mood swings triggered by hormone changes and life changes and I need to share them with people who understand.

I feel so guilty for thinking I can be a good mom and bringing another child into this world that could suffer the way I do. I feel guilty that my husband has to care for me and my moods when I am pregnant and that I can’t just be a normal happy mother. I worry constantly that he’s going to leave me I won’t be able to care for my children. Im reading every action he makes and word he says to assure myself of his love for me or confirm my fears that he secretly hates me and is just waiting for a reason to run. I worry that I will ruin our lives the way my mother ruined mine. I feel guilty for elongating my term as a stay at home mom and I fear that my husband will resent me for not making money. I worry that after being outside of the workforce or school for so long I won’t be able to re join society in that way again. I am constantly aware of my body and all of the discomfort and it makes me irritable and needy. I feel weak when I want so badly to feel strong. I feel selfish for wanting this pregnancy and this family life when I don’t know if I can handle the responsibility. Every time I feel sick or tired I question myself if it’s even real or if I’m just trying to get sympathy and attention. 

The truth is I love being a wife and mother and stepmother. I love being home with my kids and caring for them and not having to juggle work at the same time. I love having the chance to learn how to take care of myself and a home. All I’ve ever wanted is the family that we are making. I love my husband and the life we are able to build together and the partnership/ friendship we’ve grown. So why does BPD have to take all of that away? Why can’t I just turn off all of the terrible thoughts in my head and the intense feelings of pain and sadness? I am constantly searching for problems to explain the intense feelings that I am experiencing and it makes all of the good stuff seem meaningless.

I am also grieving the recent loss of my grandmother and I decided to go no contact with my UBPD mother after some really upsetting events this summer. This pregnancy is really making me feel the loss of the women in my life. Even though my mom and I have always had a difficult relationship, she was really able to be there for me in my last pregnancy. She had experienced a lot of the same emotional struggles so it was comforting to talk to her. But now I just feel like I’m doomed to repeat her mistakes.

Anyway I just needed to get some of these feels out . Thanks for reading . This sub is very comforting to read.",3.9166642329845054,5.000615638841566,5.279112922852273,82.1070883021011,71.48722316865417,8.452486411941267,26.582664070739032,8.841846274778883,1.929996219680376,2288,74,458,42,42,767,248,587,0.20199999999999999,0.631,0.16699999999999998,-0.9821,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,3,0,2,6,27,50,2,5,29,0,45,16,2,9,9,114,101,51,1,12,19,12,13,1,0,4,9,1,3,4,27,35,0,1,25,3,1,6,9,24,0,2,7,16,79,24,71,81,11,49,1,9,0,5,44,15,0,13,24,331,106,6,0.24054491079110885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809091956329178,0.050038158857310035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305807811540419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056499965485625726,0.0,0.050211238235734944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679779223012768,0.1514789472338022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452515680294567,0.0,0.1272323102500264,0.0,0.0,0.19495769506504415,0.0,0.048013884487291686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052625618109211965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764516204503569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794388224722216,0.05439666081664942,0.10133473097922073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338216697251405,0.13533995005298238,0.395286887001052,0.042961333083078486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115184455912313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283739388164472,0.0,0.06835360808111582,0.1008788292977948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640161326128941,0.0,0.05937207480988011,0.06171711892003025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096461876751585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495744534208298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262262713519301,0.03304929804447742,0.04901905184908057,0.0,0.06367558214613414,0.0,0.0,0.16990398424991185,0.02937952325494262,0.0,0.053101390803902214,0.05321866913580698,0.0,0.0,0.06564579633441453,0.051125670296797085,0.2713764668616481,0.0,0.2408483937223635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605809227534836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129246921235675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891805017090549,0.04638076608136785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892073501371484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398918618974013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169088842842674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575422483318233,0.0,0.0,0.06736633784375913,0.0,0.18045750424512694,0.06844819261579631,0.11557442201793648,0.06183005774789468,0.05937726996298901,0.0645638031924541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782274195671423,0.0,0.06086107295012143,0.0,0.054745763137298266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409721734613308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286744216459368,0.0688415932475325,0.0,0.1364837570897956,0.0,0.0,0.09042991836570027,0.04833522190365421,0.0,0.05536535890711535,0.06877101729661997,0.0,0.0,0.038532866514286813,0.05908353838476105,0.047741447510217264,0.07013183594661314,0.06911774734213022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040828551161131266,0.06541094718268961,0.0,0.06260393385136323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923737165183401,0.10640971551624964,0.1432000153065017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085271838107516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04377988998299695,0.1832137749271528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Br3ena101,2019/09/09,What would you say are the most common traits/symptoms of BPD? I am trying to gather information on what the most common symptoms are for people diagnosed with BPD. What would you say is the most prevalent?,5.478596491228071,7.549023000000004,5.1868421052631595,80.43622807017546,69.0,7.171929824561403,25.824561403508767,7.793537801064563,1.55839298245614,166,5,28,2,3,51,25,38,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,5,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6076121833511229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448315670647231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723044493269146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836530578642987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014364927893687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377143865271168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427092170800471,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nuitella,2019/09/09,"Yaaaay. No chances of improvement. That's not a great characterization of BPD. Yes, ...

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cvz445/dating_a_girl_with_bpdborderline_personality/ezpovaz?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share",50.78100000000001,64.1150296,24.419166666666666,-73.33124999999995,19.666666666666657,9.5,30.41666666666667,8.07648339933343,4.464666666666668,224,4,12,3,4,49,14,15,0.25,0.409,0.341,0.2514,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5434003326299467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6316510938791109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.552931256214537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mother_of_Dinosaurs,2019/09/09,"Clean slate fixation. How can I lose my fear of learning and accept imperfection? DAE have a 'clean slate fixation?' If something slightly goes wrong at home, work, the document I'm typing up, the outfits I own, if anything bad in my mind becomes linked I want to get rid of it all and start again. 

Lately I've been fixating a lot on clean slating my life, leaving my partner, home, creatures, family, friends, everything, and starting all over again. I think in part this is because I hate all sign of anything less than great. 
This often leads me to giving up projects quickly because I am embarrassed by the act of learning and the vulnerability learning opens me up to. This also leads me to spending a lot of my finances trying to achieve 'great'. I'm embarrassed to exercise as I'm not a excelling, I'm embarrassed to cook in case my partner doesn't like the food, I'm embarrassed to try anything new.

How can I stop that voice from being so loud and learn to calm my ego fear? How can I become humble in my weaknesses and not see it as making me appear useless or ridiculous?",7.433438735177866,6.913266169082128,7.4254194115063665,75.34324110671938,63.637681159420296,10.232586736934564,38.14185331576636,9.573946990214177,3.606230917874395,855,40,157,14,11,275,120,207,0.20199999999999999,0.6970000000000001,0.102,-0.9695,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,6,9,20,2,6,9,0,9,5,0,6,3,36,24,16,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,0,3,2,5,2,6,7,2,1,7,2,2,4,3,13,0,0,1,3,20,7,29,22,8,23,0,2,1,0,4,11,0,7,9,101,26,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008137844616002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33983107107316385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493484359773587,0.16782447637619394,0.3040547424411568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371400469649832,0.0,0.1297673796309988,0.3097967016633808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645104402901234,0.0,0.10635067943263668,0.0,0.0719182228086956,0.13204968943064338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035267304961609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359042392125298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761551780781187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527903688306496,0.14575508057780107,0.0,0.0,0.09722867102338234,0.06725050066340889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399895009808753,0.0,0.2340560052235396,0.0,0.0,0.09188471690103564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899069872834866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294651656376374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906522366006572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969194193833157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597231649888096,0.0,0.0,0.194863577469234,0.0,0.0,0.11508441050103516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820274388374012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869152527167544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119154489359978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021331846663603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505023894480373,0.0,0.0
bpd,passionfate,2019/09/09,"Try engaging but get told it’s still not enough. Some friends of mine are closer which makes sense bc I moved. I try engaging with them in convo but I still feel left out. I try expressing it gently but I get cornered and told I need to chill out. No one is listening to me; I end up apologizing even though I don’t feel sorry for trying to communicate. I’m tired of being the antagonist.  
  
I feel so abandoned.",1.4536412315930392,3.80192493975904,3.360883534136548,87.3925167336011,82.73493975903614,7.062382864792503,21.27041499330656,8.167268648758528,1.1824977242302546,322,10,68,7,9,108,59,83,0.257,0.648,0.095,-0.9328,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,15,15,6,0,1,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,4,12,3,11,12,2,11,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,3,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994870855572994,0.19826331124150404,0.0,0.12673491658328254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29106084846067465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824599593334892,0.0,0.2004987391318868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084781588091464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280813760731621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393805143977156,0.0,0.14227657325742174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002283978328633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479392724347415,0.0,0.0,0.3064711984645898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852110531362093,0.0,0.0,0.22053780937884285,0.0,0.3666990858791317,0.0,0.5210956421144489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worldwidedreamer,2019/09/09,"Is mania a thing? So I do not carry a formal diagnosis with anything though it is painfully obvious I have ADHD and it has been brought to my attention numerous times that I probably have BPD.  I usually agree with the BPD tentative diagnosis when I don't feel well mentally. However, I had a recent incident that really confused me: 

I think I was manic. I was under a lot of stress. I couldn't sleep. Didn't much feel like eating. I became paranoid that the people that were trying to help me were conspiring against me. On one instance I drove a 40 minute drive and realized I tapped on my center console the whole way and honestly feel like I teleported. I didn't feel depressed but I didn't feel good either. I told my boss I thought I was having a nervous break and asked for a day off. I literally couldn't sit still. I would shake my leg so much that a coworker asked me if i had to pee. I'd click my pen continuously. I started chewing on my nails. I wanted to have sex CONSTANTLY to the point I made my sex addict boyfriend say that it was too much. I impulsively bought a ps4 cause I saw a video game store. I began to wonder if this was my first manic state. Then I realized back in the day I would do this thing called ""ride the wave."" Which to me meant: do as many drugs and crazy shit I could til I crashed. I'm sober now so I thought ""riding the wave"" was just part of my drug use. Now I'm wondering if it was really manic episodes just with drugs.

So I'm confused. I know you guys aren't psychiatrists but I'm wondering if people have manic episodes with BPD or if I should be barking up the manic depressive tree with rapid cycling. Because my mood does change on the flip of a switch. But I don't know what else that could have been if not a state of mania. Thank you for your time.",1.6996344705361106,3.9082126748633854,3.291881553684835,89.07997563136908,80.72131147540983,6.9075764288879045,22.733421946536694,8.00916892397051,1.1916019199527397,1413,47,300,27,37,466,185,366,0.10400000000000001,0.863,0.032,-0.9675,1,0,3,0,0,0,34.0,0,3,0,1,14,16,1,5,21,0,39,13,4,4,1,58,70,24,0,14,15,0,5,2,0,3,5,1,0,1,17,10,2,0,17,2,2,6,10,9,1,2,26,8,54,6,29,36,7,39,0,2,2,2,11,10,1,13,20,201,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032217563801846,0.1137942160408729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791854057678857,0.0,0.17703732560962085,0.0,0.0,0.07280771773836278,0.0,0.05771972923635976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577612464151726,0.0,0.09668503018526027,0.0,0.0,0.09726864234220424,0.10016527209569878,0.0,0.0,0.1023219680334638,0.0,0.15119819154710426,0.0,0.0,0.12212932121088953,0.0,0.16310588963515715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286038894923635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294172258513893,0.0968874541204616,0.07909803396407485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393805262111319,0.13528744732856438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053989459741645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941815538405718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375406302600303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634660546228333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407393922790896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251762968353792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804986825483286,0.0,0.08959421750586072,0.0,0.0959967798324028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954212547787336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881539545947794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416170908192913,0.0,0.10075261909938196,0.0,0.0,0.10253575085114207,0.0,0.13128675177361773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950891008082135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208756241748652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131659959623425,0.0,0.093491038407696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529813694404212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719385617959983,0.0,0.0,0.0947544180007066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701926424808474,0.0,0.07561639136112311,0.0,0.10846253533218116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717418128633059,0.0,0.0,0.1258103911446663,0.060670989176351574,0.09302855048464427,0.1503402734951892,0.11042437909614168,0.0,0.0,0.09047656591719272,0.0,0.06428560368496528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177833473394718,0.1042832924777764,0.0,0.05584827778083376,0.07515736880093314,0.0,0.0,0.0851341184885491,0.0,0.0,0.10571357874014747,0.0,0.0,0.3080489038724349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452448784498633,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SleepySecret18,2019/09/09,"Some Positives About BPD When I was diagnosed with BPD and the psychologist at the hospital was explaining everything to me, I was in despair. I thought that was the worst thing I could be possibly diagnosed with. But in the months that have passed I’ve given this some thought...

Our emotions are more intense, so nobody knows happiness like we do. Most people only get so happy to the point of tears a couple times in their life, I can’t count on my hands the amount of times I have! There’s something poetic about being over the moon over seemingly simple things (like getting off work early)!

We love so much harder and in my opinion... so much better! Our partners, past present and future will never ever feel as loved as they will when they’re with us. When my boyfriend tells me really simple silly stories I’m all ears. He’s a car guy so of course I do my research on cars to try to understand him and talk with him about it. I read the entirety of Homestuck for my ex gf (which is thousands of pages long and took me months)! We care about the smallest things they do. It’s intense but it’s pure! And soo euphoric! Healthy BPD love is the BEST love! 

Those of us who feel as if they have control over the negative aspects of BPD are always so happy to help our brothers and sisters. When I got diagnosed my friend with BPD was a huge help. I owe so much to her because of it, it’s just so much more helpful when the advice is coming from someone who genuinely gets it.

That’s all I can think of right now, but please add some more positives! Let’s remind ourselves that BPD isn’t all bad :) <3",2.9964240648940934,5.012470362776028,3.640499098693109,89.12671529968456,75.65615141955837,6.926047769265435,24.886097341144662,7.83500028581142,1.2963024785939612,1263,43,256,19,28,398,171,317,0.042,0.7140000000000001,0.244,0.9974,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,8,0,4,4,21,17,0,0,15,0,25,10,2,1,6,44,48,27,0,2,5,3,3,2,3,2,4,1,0,2,18,17,0,1,9,1,1,5,4,3,0,1,10,4,35,14,40,32,18,36,0,1,0,4,35,14,0,7,19,180,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836216588106054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672571810244422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695651887685039,0.04888396925047681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415598906625864,0.07092282901955622,0.0,0.0,0.6059900141650258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176053718913591,0.0,0.0,0.06907784150948344,0.0,0.0,0.08994154037053932,0.0640263549751753,0.08873032439762672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441779293748305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020459818440764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253776594211697,0.0,0.0,0.07207091280154686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109442256424514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061955722495431985,0.0,0.12569018303797005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641364355939239,0.0,0.0,0.07940215234383591,0.0,0.256095898587162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612519343218248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044071128817668316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200120022388868,0.05664159921366457,0.07835499272799949,0.0,0.0,0.07096691796093801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895036914381157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801611540935798,0.0,0.23579979799436426,0.0,0.061848597022642886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098921832753435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655182170983701,0.05559466079973998,0.0,0.0,0.0880261412166504,0.07580684916446638,0.09040382131971353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021316020084998,0.0,0.051372702217207585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684830680434608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300329272344698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794596319403305,0.061735303133267264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445485734915586,0.07009086996885479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982692677546767,0.05138344910018205,0.0,0.12732612234808535,0.0935205695462341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909566185664056,0.05444473692722355,0.0,0.0,0.08348213718618604,0.1929209035350599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838033741192925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skysthelimit083,2019/09/09,Medicine stops working. What do? My medicine isn't working for my BPD again. I've been on all the SSRI. Feeling down.,-0.28999999999999915,1.2865826086956602,0.05617391304348018,102.85295652173912,114.21739130434784,1.84,26.33913043478261,3.1291,0.012380869565218331,92,5,19,0,5,27,20,23,0.07200000000000001,0.86,0.068,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5833801824411219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342062307528556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872532838428117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6744256062490971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PsychoticPeach,2019/09/09,"Feeling like I’m going to ruin things with a guy I’m talking to So this year my boyfriend broke up with me while I was on acid. This put me into what seemed like a complete different world of just darkness. I haven’t been able to feel much towards guys since him. Obviously I find certain people attractive but when it comes to romantic feelings towards them something in me isn’t working right. 
I’ve started talking to this guy recently and I feel so scared. I go from talking to him normally to trying to shut him out.  I’m just so afraid of my own emotions that I’ll do anything to prevent it or get rid of it.  And I’m so afraid of hurting him as well, I warned him I’m not good for people but I don’t think he truly understands it. And I told him I’m not ready for anything too serious at the moment, and that I’d  need to go really really slow.  I just feel like this is gonna end badly and that I’m somehow going to hurt him cause I feel like that’s what I do even though I don’t mean to at all. It’s just me being so confused and lost. 
But I also don’t wanna let my BPD hold me back from something like this, cause right now these are all just thoughts. Nothing bad has happened at all and he’s been so understanding and kind. 
Should I not talk to him? I feel like it’s just not fair to make someone else put up with my shit.",1.573052631578946,3.2045363403508813,3.181614035087719,92.55663157894743,78.57894736842105,6.103859649122808,23.68070175438596,6.918507183188421,0.6514659649122807,1047,35,237,11,25,346,143,285,0.157,0.7090000000000001,0.134,-0.8731,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,21,24,1,4,3,0,16,1,1,3,5,58,49,23,0,4,14,0,7,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,19,14,0,2,14,0,0,7,9,13,1,0,6,8,33,11,38,39,5,32,0,5,0,0,19,15,1,4,16,152,52,1,0.09247544379050716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395257898881097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219882164225113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711079081064146,0.1544262657264117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646958419776678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899955086124281,0.0,0.07965940649013198,0.0969587433954018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661715636618523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772513670971988,0.10402242740987007,0.08190579503247848,0.0,0.0,0.06107915846694801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273085406967016,0.2642579020856227,0.0,0.0,0.0845208802906032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831460259735233,0.0,0.21022370321433465,0.0775640147837641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27469568496349106,0.08177572953910238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799375040071776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629894420312103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456240667879977,0.0,0.2710729843256963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094787088267287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061728076813752926,0.0,0.0,0.10073286839317283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798009154695912,0.0685693698185675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060630051887264,0.08873268239350275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822165796015791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185926725796844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848427452253915,0.0,0.09130834442246066,0.0,0.0,0.15794704743970525,0.0,0.0,0.0925840517059018,0.0,0.0,0.08418617089210556,0.0,0.0,0.0949247141431201,0.0764966427183758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835414342953892,0.14238422914269286,0.0,0.0,0.06545459508341804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29731303524502795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614365757521421,0.0592545303861944,0.09085665400069977,0.07341517276235354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836424948991096,0.0,0.06278475608619856,0.0,0.0,0.19254039661521224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314652982199758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673232244567091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955115387456573
bpd,uvanlig,2019/09/09,"Is it possible to make a toxic relationship healthy again? I have BPD, and everything that follows. Trust issues, anger issues and the list goes on... And that might have ruined my relationship. It’s not healthy anymore, that’s for sure. I wonder if anyone here might have been able to fix their relationship from a really bad situation/or when it has become really toxic. Is it possible? How? What can I do? (I’m in therapy btw.) 

Sorry if my english sucks, it’s not my first language",2.029798534798537,4.8508006153846175,3.9653021978022,80.1401144688645,86.80219780219782,7.428937728937727,22.96794871794872,8.344100000000001,2.071175091575092,380,14,68,10,12,128,61,91,0.156,0.732,0.11199999999999999,-0.6545,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,4,6,2,0,3,0,11,0,0,2,1,13,16,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,7,2,6,13,0,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,5,3,48,16,0,0.1610891454228075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975714631479865,0.11263727598881798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345027077299448,0.0,0.17791030498810445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288613946715595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477653681796046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137022344804212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362704310950177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752825544743833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34178025317407296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632076147507016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639566296232728,0.0,0.0,0.5188483687630705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032610973824745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182461314926782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421947684921225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469430660815358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittiekat1018,2019/09/09,"Congratulations Sometimes you have to think of mental illness as a, somewhat,  gift. I’m not saying to idolize our BPD as something that’s this glorious thing. But just think about how intensely you love the sound of the ocean or the song of the birds. Some people don’t ever feel things that intense. Idk about you guys, but I believe everything has a reason. My intensity can be beautiful. Our intensity can be beautiful.",4.118733766233767,7.0118096233766245,4.8676461038961065,77.30718344155845,76.14285714285714,8.005844155844157,29.10551948051948,8.841846274778883,2.8506636363636364,339,15,57,8,8,109,57,77,0.035,0.7170000000000001,0.249,0.9628,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,2,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,7,2,0,2,1,13,12,6,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,9,10,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,3,1,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29388946948180394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32853238836874354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359544375469543,0.0,0.0,0.2344358345300355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131893976991312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582832535986509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354279863525048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628762034545804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808410660190994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26819801584098063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743898634483646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008156515217828,0.2579880618883327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465952953137699,0.3342852560783505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neon__cowboy,2019/09/09,"DAE get frustrated when looking for advice regarding relationship tips but only get articles on info about the negatives to dating someone with BPD instead? Title - I’m in the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, 3 years almost, but there are nights where I’m fearful or having doubts. I wonder if I’m healthy enough for my partner to be with, so I sometimes google for relationship advice specifically for BPD relationships. I’ve been on and off with therapy, but doing a lot of mindfulness things that help with my BPD. I haven’t split someone in a while now, I don’t get these fits of rage over past splits and I’m not obsessive over my partner or what he does. 
It’s actually been really good, and radically different from my past relationships. My partner is also mentally ill so they understand that sometimes my mood can be drastically different for seemingly no reason...but all these articles just say a long term isn’t possible. Or that I’m going to hurt my partner. That sorta hurts my confidence in myself and my control over a disorder I’ve had since I was 18. 
Sometimes I just want tips on how to get back to the healthy, more calm mindset or just bits of things to remind yourself on how to be good to your partner if you’ve got BPD. How to have a good relationship. Normal stuff you’d want to know to keep someone important to you happy while being content. I wish I could be like normal people, but no, I have to be reminded that by nature I’m “bound to be a bad partner”.",5.6267598684210505,6.5628912118055585,6.6694956140350925,74.24348684210528,67.4375,10.090935672514618,32.51900584795322,10.186864033877496,3.4070736111111097,1191,50,216,29,19,399,151,288,0.125,0.7190000000000001,0.156,0.8317,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,1,1,17,15,2,3,9,0,24,1,0,4,2,46,45,23,0,8,14,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,6,12,8,0,3,5,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,6,2,23,6,41,30,6,28,0,2,1,0,19,14,0,12,14,148,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.07967439897239348,0.0,0.0,0.1595664127558679,0.0,0.0,0.08175634746175227,0.0,0.0,0.06529201491704721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278048257798416,0.06817072631718697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913592848535203,0.0,0.4113194662202892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157256434468143,0.06518742603879307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060470103843434,0.09357301430139804,0.0,0.07144867833278552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436180510708426,0.0,0.0,0.07385318521106529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187408057462908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170625976626174,0.0,0.0464011172898513,0.20544154968769215,0.0652995028889552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691333672652804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472537335753845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748067624065106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725704252396092,0.0,0.0,0.04487032646730815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988795157249737,0.0,0.0,0.0722538510520148,0.06856180203433783,0.0,0.0,0.06941223120654387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227963475978038,0.0,0.08243885480722482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661893294850165,0.15999084835031285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209521314201698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558800658816112,0.056602829263667866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204322842035964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052304308553807265,0.08394534954742086,0.0,0.5259413842891965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492791590525694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432715397968867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753814411567595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20753434044759747,0.0,0.2422489737633088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934647616233588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336894216135616,0.0,0.10848351403858617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499602461353423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963134661858142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388849420581516,0.0,0.08854124921311034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257713632534447
bpd,camgil,2019/09/09,"DAE else get triggered into these dark spirals and then five minutes later find yourself giggling at something random Sometimes I actually think I'm crazy, and that my feelings are overdramatized lies. Like literally one second I'll be sobbing over a small/medium inconvenience, and just receptively think how much I wanna die over this. I'll literally be on the floor sobbing like a scene out of a soap opera. Then five minutes later, depending on what has happened with the small/medium inconvenience, I can start laughing and smiling again and be in a genuinely cheery mood... but then when I remember the inconvenience, the cycle starts again.",10.065565476190477,10.280962044642859,9.073928571428574,63.254404761904794,58.01785714285714,11.395238095238097,40.98809523809524,10.864195022040775,4.764280952380954,527,25,78,11,6,165,77,112,0.145,0.752,0.10300000000000001,-0.5789,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,8,0,6,0,0,3,0,20,14,11,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,5,4,11,11,1,19,0,2,0,0,0,9,2,2,12,53,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.26730408746750234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842832472027298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882302611281075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385009807575914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250355745465063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431106527584663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24222444985570604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676446294807622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136097065607972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561367074389026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102952704035745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108751689933021,0.2709115337210429,0.0,0.3877606075535592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510307056910104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,realactualcat,2019/09/09,"just feeling extremely worn down i got my diagnosis 2 years ago, been showing symptoms for a lot longer. i've tried 8 or 9 meds at this point (including lamictal) and i don't feel like anything has helped. i feel like my psych is just kind of throwing meds at me trying to get something to help. i'm trying to eat better, exercise, and lose weight. i got a new job and am working on getting my license. but every day is still always an extreme struggle and i can't see a future for myself. i'm not sure if bpd is contributing much at this point since i've avoided romantic relationships for a while and have other mental illnesses, but i'm so tired. i feel like i'll never get to the point the 'it gets better' people talk about.",4.3434693877551,5.185873040816329,5.47497278911565,81.9920510204082,70.29251700680271,8.328979591836735,28.985714285714288,8.548686976883017,2.084472653061224,575,21,114,9,10,191,99,147,0.18100000000000002,0.736,0.083,-0.9303,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,5,10,0,2,7,0,9,6,0,0,2,20,24,11,0,1,7,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,4,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,6,11,7,14,20,2,17,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,3,11,63,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038216896348298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361315145925803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247185864046596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202610337992948,0.0,0.0,0.1568324201074397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030706457242358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274181655504997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491603876727457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25185037873252697,0.2668778716052829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602326127997716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991849141300365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693034878829371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356991114492225,0.0,0.0,0.12967159260671898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825070143865087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930943920516844,0.0,0.10586504261725548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766340697394851,0.0,0.12548994448049347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153876825327698,0.0,0.09603985139599376,0.12026513593100505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632860272744712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531435899453856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336911523471889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922874738445787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300675228002633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586392617176068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944426716800447,0.0,0.0,0.1301785268604978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736149928531765,0.1294271261326875,0.0,0.10008690931657914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312092585789954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536289275181243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516355260374159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065426217246264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018876041044333
bpd,johnnymafia,2019/09/09,"romantic relationships are impossible. i’m attracted to scummy and/or unavailable (emotionally or otherwise) people. i know this. i don’t know WHAT it is that draws me to them or why i always find myself going for people who are unavailable/unreceptive/generally not good for me - but hey, at least i know that’s my type.

and any time i break that cycle and find someone who MIGHT genuinely interested in me and doesn’t treat me like shit... i TOTALLY lose all ability to tell if they ARE actually interested and try for it and talk to them and convince myself that they aren’t actually interested, or only want sex, or are laughing at me. i get worried i’m latching onto them because of my bpd, and making it out to be more than it is. 

it just leaves me feeling desperate and undesirable and then i go right back to someone scummy and fuck up any chance i had with someone decent. and i know romantic relationships don’t make or break you, and if i’m not healthy mentally it could be bad, etc. etc. but recently without one i’ve been feeling crushingly lonely and gross and devastated even though i haven’t had this issue in 4-5 years.",5.93030144167759,6.735540431192664,7.208545216251639,71.11532110091744,66.70642201834863,10.999213630406294,33.002621231979035,10.914260884657429,3.807166710353865,906,38,166,26,14,309,123,218,0.165,0.664,0.171,-0.5178,1,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,5,1,4,15,2,0,0,0,18,3,1,2,2,44,34,25,0,4,13,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,16,0,0,8,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,3,2,27,9,20,27,6,17,0,2,0,2,13,8,2,8,6,117,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.2512139735120764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071009473814922,0.0,0.0,0.17506082921171634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897366463276194,0.10747140396552377,0.07846329072780737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211166765102908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276821996425696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447867208994938,0.0,0.0,0.28710184510237796,0.08501485006579318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016404665216427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352858207508807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899467258178335,0.0672481219273015,0.0,0.14630306849032368,0.10795978944128633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434471302404724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28295294724575826,0.0,0.0,0.13629028982393726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288350423111652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439988332361913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183613287700192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297141506789948,0.1365459635580708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722041665637424,0.09789333481442627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846914234368502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270902449488049,0.27638285046348626,0.0,0.10992165653106957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212379710147096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271786607522044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034560058961832,0.11250232728754024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264615461512775,0.0,0.07505458077409212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738883702816468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591926909810412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614500281597386,0.0,0.0,0.12407638439617898,0.0,0.0,0.1307160329645831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288805125942914
bpd,epicpotato37,2019/09/09,"I was made to choose between passion and stability. I still haven't found happiness. I was married when I met you. You were charismatic, smart, funny and she just got me. You was also borderline.. it was like looking in a broken mirror. We connected like it was meant to be, and the chemistry and passion was incredible. At first we tried to call it a polyamorous relationship - I told my wife about our intentions and tried not to hide anything, but the truth was that it was an affair. An affair we flaunted in front of my wife, and your husband. Eventually, as happens to be our lot in life, we lost control. Our fires burned too hot, and we burned each other.. and I blamed you.

Your marriage fell apart. But you kept hope that I'd do right by you, and time after time I let you down.. you asked me to make a choice, and stop causing so much pain to you and to her. I chose to make it work with her, because she's ""safe."" But she's not you. Nobody ever could be. 

I called you my muse.. My best friend. Soulmate.. You were my person..

And I shut you down again.

Maybe I should have left. It would have made it simpler.. you're all I want, and it feels like I'm just pretending here. I just wanted to do what was ""right."" That, or maybe I'm just a coward.

For what it's worth I'll continue to love you. 
Every. Day.",0.6251136363636363,2.996382723484853,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,87.29545454545455,4.966666666666668,18.85606060606061,6.4784943948869325,-0.07590303030303014,1005,28,223,11,32,320,143,264,0.081,0.763,0.156,0.9526,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,8,16,0,5,13,15,0,0,8,0,23,5,0,7,3,54,44,21,0,6,10,3,3,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,15,20,0,4,4,1,1,2,3,2,0,1,20,4,49,13,25,17,5,24,0,1,1,3,44,11,0,3,14,157,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127139324747737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450158443642593,0.0,0.13007850337437946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481935623898823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602040148746234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28415802107037474,0.0,0.0,0.14293663076487567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605900401178455,0.11109315169349383,0.0,0.0,0.0897347452947405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586143687922302,0.11723270008984192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035411426215825,0.09940270286642597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835367389432447,0.0,0.1525614536816331,0.10750036418805506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128415433423287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230423534116577,0.14811869539689926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381988874580747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117762780800212,0.1422815929323655,0.09827974395927247,0.20393250005679608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168438015829503,0.0,0.15188936467220376,0.1182931126353032,0.1255806203602838,0.2633180699952385,0.1857560399778027,0.0,0.27957264202142595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022849994273448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805634753425478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214929755410598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938587990868826,0.0,0.2376521315179624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111856762359183,0.11632850967412185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226903472937054,0.0,0.0,0.13295564926136966,0.0,0.1889358661980227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413850276492606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012966563930661,0.0,0.0,0.09884211697066993,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brandysnacker,2019/09/09,dae have nightmares every night so pretty much it. i have nightmares every night. from something mild to a fight or being ignored by my so to much darker twisted things i can’t repeat. does anyone else have this and what can be done,3.663,5.872599688888887,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,74.33333333333333,4.5,22.36111111111111,3.1291,0.049111111111111334,186,5,33,0,4,57,36,45,0.10400000000000001,0.8079999999999999,0.08800000000000001,0.0557,0,0,1,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272981363136134,0.26776610727053896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869389860596645,0.2674339582835382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830983403171844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403679334222992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842190257786599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904858393995391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658691808503295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118658478732973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736177515027249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somer_vacation,2019/09/09,"Pushing everyone away Never posted before... but I feel like I’m slowly pushing everyone away. My friends/ loved ones call me and I don’t answer. I stare at the phone and wait fir it to stop ringing. If they text, I wait sometimes days to text back. I don’t know why I’m like this :(  I want to have close friends, but relationships are exhausting and I can hardly seem to take care of myself. I do well at work, but when it comes to anything else I seem to struggle so much. Hoping I can work on it and get better.",0.7981428571428566,3.105227790476192,2.432023809523809,93.21089285714287,85.38095238095238,5.0238095238095255,20.17857142857143,6.42735559955562,0.1602857142857137,398,12,85,4,12,130,68,105,0.109,0.632,0.259,0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,3,6,11,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,21,22,10,0,3,4,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,5,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,4,14,9,12,22,1,15,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,4,7,53,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794405424837586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31498517386396696,0.12889604567867138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263959147818736,0.0,0.0,0.14825387378703594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711675417705968,0.0,0.17090852873136364,0.0,0.0,0.14439719534882015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810657890742682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400321849884668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203526201774346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475805642466028,0.11975390475277392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590188798218888,0.0,0.0875790244597759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016229925892388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649302210456735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212429424642944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637897326300654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129135542348665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322630799606744,0.0,0.12928550966814664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135894770711698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054186119624753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799703822745519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052055620194061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578897084785324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014501483190714,0.0,0.17524180794088606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260358449518484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887169090757647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071824205432385,0.0,0.15125873780530552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440712333098325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,monkeeeeee,2019/09/09,"Where to talk to strangers? *trigger warning (don't know how to flair)* I thought this would be a good place to ask. I'm severely borderline, and I always say ""you can't spell borderline without bored"". It's really true, though. I'm living in a small town now, and there no's bar or anything, and a lot of my old friends don't want to hang out anymore. I have a few that are fun to hang out with, but I always do meth when I hang out with me, and sometimes it makes me really fucking crazy. So I have to avoid that. There's a couple other people that I've known for over 20 years but have never been super close to, and I've hung out with them a couple times, but I don't want to like... seem too clingy, or anything.

Point being, I was thinking it would be nice to talk (like, voice or video) with strangers online, but things like Omegle seem to just be full of people who want to have webcam sex, so that's a no-go. Any ideas?",3.3662807295796995,3.856819577319588,4.037216494845364,92.69735527359242,72.29896907216495,7.206344171292624,23.17049960348929,7.010146845296331,0.4733858842188736,714,16,167,6,13,227,109,194,0.10300000000000001,0.816,0.081,-0.47,0,1,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,1,1,11,12,1,1,7,0,18,3,0,3,2,42,31,17,0,5,9,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,11,14,1,1,7,2,0,3,7,3,0,0,3,2,13,9,26,22,3,22,0,0,0,2,8,13,1,6,9,103,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24494598681881796,0.0,0.0,0.10009353001296244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597188272040046,0.0,0.0,0.24224792106354376,0.0,0.13760179465025832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257235364175777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371781389011774,0.1360738080023927,0.0,0.0,0.08365086948842483,0.12345510384354193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615840315273495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089119492044536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157272513703913,0.0,0.12997053517700874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513477762374756,0.0,0.0,0.0982497638157221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352118839554105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445003806920385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040845634743485,0.0,0.15378112009168327,0.0,0.1391411288201282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885860144783102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170505568997146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26799057523388004,0.0,0.1662816123302893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557363034597695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366097973560332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778579487430006,0.09431273281072078,0.14461239127195186,0.1168515812691676,0.08582705756793152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604475601167097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418848906563687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911760712760152,0.0,0.0,0.09478485488513126
bpd,paperclip1213,2019/09/09,"How to deal with complete apathy? I feel nothing anymore and it's fucking me up in a way I didn't realise until now.

I've ballooned to 150lbs, give or take the same 7lbs. On Jan 1st 2019 I was a solid 125lbs, UK size 10/US 6, I'm currently at 156lbs, idek what clothes size because I wear the same [what once were baggy/oversized] dresses and blouses with stretchy skirts bc I'm scared to learn what size I am now. The drinking and smoking is worse than ever. (It's 3am, and I'm only sober now because I was the designated driver for my boyfriend's friends tonight.)

I knew I've been having a year long episode, mostly severe depression, but now after feeling my thighs literally squashing in the shower, I finally see what I've done to myself.

I hate myself and I stopped taking care of myself because it's not worth it anymore. I wake up between 3 and 6pm most days - when my boyfriend gets out of work. When I once heavily restricted calories, I now fucking eat absolute garbage and then some. I used to go to the gym every single day, now I don't move off the damn sofa. I hate anyone who's thin, anyone who smiles, anyone who doesn't look as fucking miserable as I feel.

I've let myself go because I just don't know how to care anymore and I need to stop because it's affecting people I care about. I missed my brother's first day of school. He asked me to drop him off and pick him up because he felt anxious and needed the familiarity. But I fucking slept through the entire day and couldn't be there for him. I'm missing out on time with him because I've stopped caring about all the shit that once was my reason to live.

I think that's it. I'm not living anymore. I feel like a corpse that breathes. 

How do I fix this?",3.2204708097928436,4.531797129943506,4.223333333333333,88.13569679849344,73.4632768361582,6.600376647834276,28.365348399246702,6.937597516519254,1.3374320150659131,1360,54,283,12,27,441,187,354,0.159,0.7440000000000001,0.098,-0.9584,2,0,1,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,0,2,16,19,8,2,14,0,17,12,6,7,2,52,55,23,0,3,6,1,6,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,17,16,2,4,10,2,1,3,7,13,0,1,10,8,40,6,39,42,7,44,0,4,2,4,14,13,6,4,27,166,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505915892446334,0.3337943192530392,0.1765070470796904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866360376617308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590552812694703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431630699307344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822374464304204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706456531431034,0.08674912475585601,0.07247340090575738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610887905551748,0.0,0.08242942384857066,0.0,0.0861006714217003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761133772550651,0.07089523963666931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018363600664038,0.06011273676070977,0.08079176663394,0.0921760168202112,0.0,0.07157313672881438,0.0,0.0,0.06500971208801631,0.3111603636525517,0.043961947244883684,0.08071892287849079,0.09564234055025758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615024012787194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462435313548597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860432935443506,0.0,0.041108676589813216,0.0,0.1486019961647714,0.07446509730807531,0.07066005736398177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943212209152249,0.0,0.1247839310073918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073876825169117,0.0,0.0,0.2688329432147593,0.0,0.06399556593401858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833509394533326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651440070798526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424316827632328,0.08515856922200618,0.06705214862593513,0.0,0.0,0.09505915892446334,0.08637296078316903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104532004133406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653215084126265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053916298568519885,0.0,0.0,0.04906524414234896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121528641280003,0.07267369745918822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678986433066017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061258085191898064,0.0,0.08575027603614778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418619929100018
bpd,incessant_fly,2019/09/09,"How does BPD affect your friends/family and those closest to you? How do they deal with it? (I'm struggling) I suspect my friend has BPD (she's admitted it herself but refuses to get diagnosed) and I honestly am interested in knowing from some of you how your illness affects your close friends and family. She is driving everyone away and, from the outside, it seems like it's what she wants. She says she's terrified of being alone but she is so selfish and vindictive that I can't see how anyone will be able to deal with her for much longer. She often loses her temper and acts like... well, a very mean, unpredictable and emotionally unstable person, and then apologizes later and tries to explain it was the BPD and she couldn't help it. It's like, during her episodes, she becomes a completely different person. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I apologize profusely if this is the wrong sub to be posting in or if you don't take it seriously because she hasn't been formally diagnosed. I've just been reading through this illness and this sub and some of these things sound exactly like her, and the overview I've read of the illness (I'm no doctor tho) she's got a lot of the symptoms. And I know as a close friend of hers, I am struggling to deal with her and I don't want to abandon her but I don't know how many more episodes I can deal with. Do any of you have advice on how you dealt with your diagnoses? 

Also, I'm not saying she HAS bpd, I'm just saying she's got like, most of the symptoms (that I've read) and honestly I'm just desperate for any kind of help and advice before i have to let her go as a friend (which i really don't want to do). sorry if this is dumb",3.340432645034415,4.92847364306785,4.517876106194692,85.03447394296956,73.63126843657817,8.208062930186825,27.59980334316617,8.841846274778883,2.102607472959685,1331,51,271,27,27,437,154,339,0.16899999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.139,-0.9109,1,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,9,1,1,14,23,2,2,12,0,29,9,0,8,1,63,50,36,0,7,11,0,0,5,4,1,9,5,0,2,20,24,0,2,8,3,0,3,9,9,1,0,5,6,44,14,35,39,6,13,0,2,1,0,52,7,1,10,7,187,64,4,0.08303358620106832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227891888214185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599775368493587,0.0,0.06640192888578593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293137191944515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161180281976573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801278753441822,0.0,0.0,0.05061650345828778,0.09170407234152836,0.07065546614450989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183115803670506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705913535173321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34241592552306555,0.0,0.25283202645247765,0.0,0.08675242478216973,0.0,0.08498839391110033,0.14532650167603606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340160846103952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934214994128433,0.0,0.0,0.1565533505408779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660617090091664,0.0,0.043381621705171305,0.0,0.04718990054781203,0.0,0.13281908829489888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113113251153956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646670247591212,0.13689926238068706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490746758817512,0.0,0.2028300801469909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289334379020588,0.0,0.07059218567900645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418302377119317,0.0,0.09044791750287327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610392398246634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500344943210056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952322297742058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491681688061928,0.0,0.05319344151689387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980949214136216,0.0,0.0,0.06616701780760567,0.07559065835405145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294930169226742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360946564353302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260737811047086,0.0624309231658996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516382511416091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056374354562779276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851140459650568,0.1469260814022802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465716592758045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078419168013276,0.0,0.0
bpd,TitaniumSarah,2019/09/09,Fighting Me and my boyfriend have just been fighting so much lately we’ve broken up three times but overall we’ve been together for two years it was good at first and then the honeymoon phase I feel like he just got used to me this caused him to see me less and that made me angry because I have BPD and I can’t stand the thought of being alone or fights used to start because of that I would get mad that I wanted to be with him and he wanted to hang out with his friends or just being at home by himself or with his family but the thought of being away from him just killed me inside now her but it’s just seem to consist of stupid shit like I get mad that he can you keep a conversation with his best friends girlfriend but whenever me and him talk we can’t even keep a combo going anymore or it will turn into an argument and it kills me to see him be able to talk to other girls but not me he’s super super loyal and I know that I know he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose I just can’t stand the fighting anymore I’ve told him that I don’t like fighting he’s agreed also but at the end of the day he still immature and we keep fighting is there any advice you can give me to help these fights stop so I don’t lose the love of my life ?,1.744454106280191,3.281806192592594,2.9297423510466984,94.96644927536236,77.81481481481481,5.732689210950081,21.36876006441224,6.280692351149826,0.06496779388083772,992,26,229,7,23,319,134,270,0.24100000000000002,0.63,0.13,-0.9896,0,1,0,0,12,0,1.0,2,2,0,5,13,26,13,0,10,0,22,3,1,4,1,53,47,23,2,4,17,0,1,3,3,3,1,0,1,1,13,17,0,4,6,0,0,2,7,15,0,3,8,3,38,11,32,31,3,24,0,2,2,1,40,8,1,5,15,156,51,0,0.1192419028239226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652180738561554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349864984926807,0.0,0.09535770660737801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108858289934663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365118526924569,0.0,0.0,0.098125925955512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120316929064872,0.0,0.0,0.14537751439627064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251370203729219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018100234603493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249428089400816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690116268493521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056129330301358,0.0,0.0,0.07875815221803156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124106537248097,0.0,0.06029228888607387,0.08518643920306906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142710162727428,0.0,0.0,0.18425199665886705,0.0,0.12459794539491185,0.11438769862862233,0.06776792130556414,0.10001445069494563,0.09536864264341843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992533395143958,0.0,0.11960935092287656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765092319270338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179630461931656,0.2638469966339203,0.0,0.13106446269372818,0.0,0.13451006019708914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422408236655204,0.17476671173582106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340118836248036,0.0,0.0,0.1076204728133028,0.11282957160058853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765651872476844,0.0,0.09196670648794243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004071649892826,0.10855334991823064,0.0,0.0,0.12240009969656923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440003255347807,0.0,0.09522673762622977,0.09969157005976403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168424937373674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932950278479632,0.06953091245461039,0.0,0.0,0.11394074814774165,0.0,0.0,0.12970094909806432,0.11648201253283015,0.0,0.0,0.2059734373736164,0.0,0.0,0.14066392747344308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941205309757298,0.0,0.0,0.07678787591925418
bpd,Starscaro,2019/09/09,"New to this sub. DAE have an incredibly hard time keeping relationships with friends? Hi! I just found this subreddit, i was diagnosed at age 20 with BPD and i wanted to know if anyone else has this problem. 

Ive met and made friends with so many amazing people over the years,  but for some reason i cant find the energy to actually maintain contact.
Its not that i don't like them or that i don't want to see them, but the action of actually being social is mentally and physically draining to me. To the point where even answering texts is difficult. 

Am i just an asshole or is this a real thing associated with my BPD?",4.342204007285979,5.728713803278687,5.9458469945355175,76.57775045537342,70.80327868852459,9.35664845173042,29.94899817850637,9.725611199111238,2.8746856102003644,492,20,95,12,9,168,86,122,0.09,0.8370000000000001,0.073,-0.2485,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,2,0,27,20,9,0,4,8,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,2,12,4,14,15,1,9,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,4,5,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.33303427383287826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193133862819063,0.17483781302608972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298227583538621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319300430657403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142545351737254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270415598641605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559591637389061,0.0,0.0,0.1870947075143914,0.263667508536281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285727182862302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167004196536574,0.0,0.0,0.09377765495828777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833646388172347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614608936272356,0.0,0.1729991766049281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196200264373787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648023170982573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182982387306343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613071581132333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632766027987558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422230938170185,0.0,0.17544329727456873,0.0,0.18320032245249152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359756288896387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394297404144082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336366758536108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949983058856107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012922951739747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988465957798067
bpd,eyewant2bleve,2019/09/09,"Banned from a sub for posting here I just got banned from a sub about having BPD family members (my mother had it, which is where I learned a lot of my behaviors). I made a comment and immediately got a message that I'm banned from the sub, with the message ""No BPDs allowed""

Is it just me or is that kind of fucked up? Especially being referred to as ""a BPD"". I found it really gross and dehumanizing. What do you guys think?",5.355882352941176,5.2864245882352945,6.5882352941176485,78.10705882352943,67.82352941176471,9.623529411764707,31.117647058823533,9.3871,2.5098705882352936,330,12,69,6,5,112,57,85,0.255,0.745,0.0,-0.9729,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,8,0,7,1,0,2,0,16,14,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,8,1,11,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,2,0,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6061289867888491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268441233648817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26383788037089445,0.0,0.222458140645774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849068646092255,0.0,0.0,0.2382610852853923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505786462651116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457463760999328,0.0,0.2276894974921914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304565918409098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415345079452844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541856988372495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hevring,2019/09/09,"DAE feel loneliest when youre with friends/loved ones? title....... i dont have much else to say because im distraught over feeling like this and have been for so long but i feel lonely in this feeling. its not even ""i feel lonely despite having friends"" its ""i feel the worst and loneliest with friends""",1.9588916256157631,4.6546050862069,1.6793596059113334,97.78017241379312,84.34482758620689,3.3142857142857145,25.52709359605912,3.1291,0.09675073891625674,237,10,47,0,7,69,41,58,0.379,0.557,0.064,-0.978,0,4,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,11,5,0,0,2,0,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,7,5,3,6,10,2,4,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058534300988176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702878669682768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265551629167785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152323994400065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.699658030261413,0.16475676895272495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563567620221591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491118884343972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267051037488282,0.0,0.0,0.20409366622362188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953408239437914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627578297268072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340027838548525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LagSquid,2019/09/20,"Should I go to college if I struggle with BPD, Depression or other mental health issues stemming from school? Long post incoming: I'm currently a senior in high school and I'm basically at the crossroads for the rest of my life. Everyone around me from my parents to my academic counselors think that I have the skills needed to go to college just from my grades alone (mainly As and Bs) however I don't. For some context, during one of the last days of Sophomore year, I overreacted and started harming myself because I was afraid I wouldn't get EXTRA CREDIT. That whole experience made me want to avoid anything related to grades, school, academics for the entire summer as it would just trigger a depressive episode. Well that led me to not do any of my summer assignments until the last night and I ended up paying the price right off the bat. 

Currently, I have an F and a D which are the worst two grades I've ever legitimately gotten in high school. Sorry if I sound like a brat, I know there are people who struggle far worst with grades but I'm the person who breaks down just because I got a C. I build my self-worth off of my scores on tests and now I usually no longer check the scores in fear. I've learned after my first SAT that ignorance is bliss when you THINK you did well when in fact you failed. Now that college applications are coming, I'm stressing if my grades are good enough because I don't do a lot of extracurriculars because of my anxiety. I go to my library to volunteer and don't even do anything because I'm afraid of talking to the other volunteers there. Every time someone especially my mom tries to bring up college and all the shit that you need like personal statements, letters of rec etc, I just lash out in anger and start cursing at her. I know this is wrong but in that moment, I completely lose myself to emotion and can't help it. Sometimes I'll overeat to deal with the stress and that has led me to become gain weight despite my muscle mass being low. I look skinny but I'm actually overweight.

 Sometimes I have really shitty days and want to go to the counselor because I'm hurting myself but I'll talk myself out of getting help. Other times I have decent days and I'll talk myself out of it too. I can feel on top of the world and super confident but just because I fail a test or am reminded of my college chances, I fall down deep again. My emotions are just so unstable and every time I'm not super upset, I won't go and seek help even though I know my emotions are fleeting. That being said, should someone who is as emotionally unstable as myself go to college as a lot of my issues stem from academics and they end up spilling over into other parts of my life. Although my grades are decent, I'm very average compared to other kids at my school who I constantly compare myself to. Sometimes I think I don't work as hard as them while other times I think I do but in an unhealthy way ie. cramming. I also procrastinate a lot as you as see. My extracurriculars are lacking and I don't particularly have a passion or hobby as so much of my life now has been about distracting myself with entertainment so I don't feel depressed. As I work to survive, I struggle to find happiness but if I do things for happiness, I struggle to survive. I've yet to find something that balances the two and at this point, it feels like it's too late. I'm not big on community college because the closest one is 2 hours away and I don't want to have my parents house me anymore nor do I want to rent out a room and stress over a job to pay for it. My parents are not totally against but don't think I should go to trade school as I don't have many hands-on skills at anything and I've spent much more time in a classroom. That's not even getting into all the stuff about loan debt. 

Every day I struggle to control my emotions and that has led me to have no close friends, no long term hobbies/passions and great worry for my future. I don't want to blame mental illness for all my shortcomings a lot of it has been because of my own poor choices but the problem is that I struggle to rectify and accept those mistakes. Normally people learn but I overreact and become suicidal. Reading this back, I seem like a total loser who has no control over his life. Will I ever be able to live my life where I can take care of myself or will I have to burden my parents? I'm afraid to tell them the full extent of my mental health struggles because I don't want to worry about them anymore. I don't want them to spend so much on mental health services or medication. Note I have had zero professional mental health diagnosis up to this point. Any tips or general advice for my future course of action would be nice.",5.583597212032281,5.980574121276598,6.133455612619223,79.95500000000003,67.36170212765958,8.652971386647103,31.73881144534116,8.486030686438863,2.3770484225972117,3774,146,725,51,58,1227,374,940,0.174,0.7190000000000001,0.106,-0.9968,10,2,1,0,0,1,66.0,0,5,5,17,36,55,2,17,38,0,69,17,2,7,8,130,125,70,1,23,31,5,5,4,1,9,12,2,2,3,39,39,4,4,18,2,12,14,25,36,2,6,11,9,113,19,128,101,28,116,0,9,2,1,36,53,1,16,50,509,152,42,0.04405273648013956,0.0,0.042989116120981816,0.0,0.0,0.04304782424118015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045625349383231734,0.0,0.035228957447352285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991474287839375,0.0,0.033700222829664624,0.0,0.08737695452978049,0.0,0.0,0.10875494576024053,0.03921627518982313,0.0,0.0,0.041388996050499685,0.033873835140085275,0.0,0.2685413927557589,0.09730557278917162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055482879457587835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044914700802483255,0.0,0.0,0.03794753178177592,0.04618845606104102,0.04760535811368189,0.09881777968538163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364148255091895,0.04541643696185625,0.11382767213771132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477669960196425,0.07803529795295745,0.04551825282272518,0.04913044599034193,0.0872892509216383,0.07969644442609307,0.11134899139038737,0.04209427754532116,0.0,0.04309202933496286,0.0,0.04957157592992534,0.06682316160296459,0.031471283743564664,0.0,0.0,0.08052680612047149,0.037471235145655854,0.0,0.0,0.034035034927018176,0.0,0.06904720980367915,0.0,0.17525329736161718,0.03694934529161528,0.03523299765723169,0.048568297489175474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378991428082976,0.03946259904693585,0.0,0.0,0.18730399551823995,0.0,0.0,0.08858286201241855,0.09308826950866733,0.0,0.0,0.04338307168492817,0.05083094326446328,0.04715936552235665,0.0,0.0,0.09195922325002527,0.0437155435077886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263069567269033,0.07181771974345715,0.04969340555173765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555787528505842,0.08608776741810549,0.0,0.038899373395509404,0.0779705710523009,0.03699320367812462,0.049283743867686865,0.0,0.1498082448586012,0.0,0.04168376440811527,0.0,0.04466256044046408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443784974208076,0.22197398528891046,0.0,0.0,0.051594032542405945,0.0,0.0,0.09715149025718008,0.06532909181965274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134050897240059,0.04316232846895472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970254866544737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956614022852639,0.04770482070015988,0.0,0.0610812414370404,0.0769303006024011,0.0,0.0,0.0832881501530401,0.0,0.04219034424687556,0.0,0.0,0.042152519359478516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406465777626467,0.0,0.0282213110239636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03762079625397642,0.04190424036776051,0.0,0.0,0.2675023270875385,0.03510432744765216,0.04010395678644608,0.045956611693618636,0.0,0.04521950094202963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465148132617808,0.033913948764389364,0.13070784841323935,0.0493134318388595,0.06236150723766621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138678239801934,0.3223743953051015,0.05042984374489788,0.04818654366081543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033122175402365436,0.10622376268420908,0.03850403338660039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02926668065505485,0.1411360738246817,0.04328158992377727,0.0,0.1284375245214593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02990891637244637,0.0,0.08606624485626066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048517865509142485,0.03634812117190304,0.18188411740122404,0.03496701173183412,0.0,0.053644365156504836,0.0792174012332239,0.0,0.0,0.04918330706615972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414183364620171,0.08947538453259507,0.0,0.06258760012146952,0.04816475182660378,0.0,0.028368517967510245
bpd,bigboybob6,2019/09/20,"help me understand please and thank you!:) (my boyfriend) hello all! my boyfriend has bpd, not only that but he is a victim of childhood abuse and plenty more traumas, on top of it all he is also trans which means dealing with dysphoria and much more. we are very close but some times things can get very hard. he has asked a few times now that i research bpd. i've always put it off and procrastinated even tho it is so very fucking important. i'm sure there's a subconscious reason i haven't done so yet, but i have come to terms with whatever it may be and here i am. so everyone with, and without bpd. give me examples, stories, things i need to understand, things i need to come to terms with, etc etc. it would be amazing if everyone came together and spoke on this!! not only for myself/ my relationship but for anyone in the same seat i'm in! thank you all and i have to say, you are all the strongest people i know. 

tldr; explain to me the basics of bpd, and anything else you feel is important.",2.3154853213435587,4.4800259597989935,3.4374504099444607,89.07255223485849,78.3467336683417,6.8025390108436925,24.041523406506208,7.85451343220497,1.2380090452261308,782,27,162,13,19,252,113,199,0.071,0.7829999999999999,0.146,0.9364,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,4,0,1,10,7,2,0,6,0,18,1,0,1,5,44,38,19,0,4,8,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,12,18,0,0,7,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,3,4,20,4,21,31,14,18,0,0,0,1,17,7,1,3,7,115,32,2,0.0,0.12970426586509118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754326559677594,0.09108796152367267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765440970891543,0.0,0.09008463294133284,0.0,0.1023398434852669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5514954519659865,0.0,0.0,0.12520472587954656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885977385779142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285895159834855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202600419157162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144829078276406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417638181023224,0.07230402327021762,0.0,0.0,0.2092069017234804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055351413610682666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120341997576543,0.057193652273068635,0.1050137743274402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098063781611131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337555596665872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060161949548228885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924512130135237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047318012383317,0.16234150683882514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651401379744227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589284113920759,0.0,0.0,0.120165387383458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004776953373528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255358010287618,0.0,0.11753000820407053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705508313628403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317435171793878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157087299141924,0.0,0.0,0.21818137549631506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766588779787566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22792464183763436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709730962476882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552534972093636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776447697447271,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Showmehello,2019/09/20,"I ruined the best thing that could have happened to me Because of my fears, my insecurities, my emotions and thoughts that I can’t control. 

For years, he tried to be there for me. He left when he couldn’t take it anymore but then felt guilty for leaving me so he’d come back until I lashed out again and went on my negative insecure rants. I knew what I was doing. But I couldn’t stop. It was like an additive habit. To test him, to provoke him, to cry wolf, to go crazy. He was exhausted and emotionally drained. 

I wasn’t the best girlfriend to him. But he is always so understanding and so patient. I had to let him go and he knew it was for the best. I felt like I never deserved him. That one day, he would realize that I wasn’t good. So I tried to push him away first but then when he would be ready to leave, I’d try to pull him back in again and blame my craziness on how he hurt me in the past. 

My emotions are everywhere. I’m unstable. I don’t know why I can’t just be happy. I have everything I could ever need/want but why am I not happy? 

I know breaking up is for the best because I want him to be happy and I don’t feel healthy in the mind at all. 

I don’t know if I always will be like this in relationships. I want to be alone forever because I never want to hurt anyone like I hurt him ever again. But I can’t stop feeling so intensely about everything. When I keep people at arms length, I can’t hurt them.",0.6433849604785316,2.63717604304636,2.549089938047427,94.13832621234779,83.27152317880794,5.883529160435804,21.00021362956633,7.1029339738359605,0.3923946592608423,1103,34,257,15,31,367,134,302,0.212,0.607,0.18100000000000002,-0.8481,0,1,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,6,20,21,0,3,7,0,36,2,1,3,5,52,58,26,0,10,9,0,4,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,10,10,0,4,12,0,0,6,15,9,0,2,13,4,49,12,33,30,5,40,0,5,0,0,22,12,0,1,25,179,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934548690608657,0.0,0.0,0.1435603285491959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855526220880115,0.060319143950568636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104968081724,0.13266635038984345,0.0,0.15776073047905134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621230848706916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431046007886621,0.0,0.0,0.09675457569442336,0.1377526509633309,0.0,0.09475907323042072,0.05563438816631268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29111268009405056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560649447771702,0.0,0.0,0.15506051062268764,0.0,0.0,0.09707315446419287,0.08723729229078091,0.0,0.16565764196643626,0.0,0.0,0.07337775588172273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805383189288154,0.07235576911886106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628467688983355,0.27549505937747104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693978484974064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667712215192621,0.0,0.0,0.14222849702909318,0.0,0.0,0.18268632783887664,0.09372818521863792,0.08821275799157438,0.0,0.16858070350372764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871039975203062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639650939298284,0.13306720648919004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058456026662331025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235059125801376,0.05980593388098295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261732456149574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424436021435014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486124333769497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731125062270386,0.0,0.0,0.06848551232195982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570671121995254,0.0,0.0,0.08980587533009181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035275220510713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996938125442347,0.1556831678081854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122561682983874,0.0,0.0,0.055552430499146745
bpd,that1guy2also,2019/09/20,Got my wisdom teeth out today and everytime I put my gauze in i feel as though im going to pass out and have to lay down. Is this just my crippling anxiety or should i contact my dentist? Yea what the title says,1.5696666666666663,3.2593325777777795,3.4819444444444483,90.13625000000003,78.7777777777778,6.277777777777778,22.36111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6911111111111103,166,5,36,2,4,56,36,45,0.039,0.884,0.077,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,8,6,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,7,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005871263957352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867506736713214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233087610283658,0.0,0.3142586199985769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244272408179085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949989096845369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124703305393903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860475584029331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724476712772527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,roadrunnner0,2019/09/20,Is it me? I'm finding it so hard to know if I'm justified in getting upset at my boyfriend or if it's my BPD :(,-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,91.22222222222223,5.0814814814814815,23.814814814814817,6.42735559955562,0.4823925925925927,84,4,23,1,3,32,21,27,0.237,0.6759999999999999,0.087,-0.5670000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6461706837508636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689199792786001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680483493653704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595935693683144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28195980900137424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vacant79,2019/09/20,"Fear of death CW/TW: infant almost dying 


Does anyone else have a bad fear of death, either of dying yourself or your loved ones dying?  

I have had a fear of death for as long as I can remember and do not deal well with it in general. Someone once gave me an inspirational book written by a man who was dying and I couldn’t read it because it was so sad to me that he was dying.

I worry a lot about dying or people around me dying. Whenever I go on a long car journey I worry my family and I will get in an accident and die. I have never been in a bad car accident nor has anyone in my family. I don’t know why I have this fear. 

I can see the fear of death and BPD being part of each other as someone dying is technically leaving you. 

I want to get over it. 

My son almost died a week after he was born. I had to resuscitate him then it was touch and go in NICU for a few weeks. I don’t really think I have PTSD, but am not sure. I get mildly upset when I see emergency vehicles. I did see a  news story where a baby stopped breathing and died and I completely lost it. I’m angry and frustrated all the time and have had to go back on meds. I keep seeing it as postpartum depression and anxiety, but I wonder if I just haven’t fully processed it. One of my children dying is my number one fear. I thought he was dead when I saw him (he would have been, but a family member was holding him and noticed him turning blue-had they not been over, or if it had happened in the night, he would not be here right now). I was in a fog when it all happened as he’s a twin and I have another child. I was not getting much sleep and I even said the fog I was in seemed to protect me from the real horror of the situation. Now I’m wondering if I somehow built up a wall and just didn’t fully experience it and now have all this repressed anger from it because I seem to
always do that...not deal with something then get angry and sad. It’s been 10 months since it happened.",3.1742204670329666,3.649412651442308,5.124478021978021,84.7848076923077,72.72596153846155,8.154395604395605,25.19368131868132,8.306716005460428,1.3941623626373634,1517,43,334,23,28,526,191,416,0.252,0.7240000000000001,0.024,-0.9984,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,1,1,17,20,2,8,22,0,46,3,2,0,5,67,79,38,17,7,17,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,19,21,0,5,9,2,0,6,12,16,1,3,26,7,47,4,42,47,9,43,0,4,5,1,24,17,0,14,20,238,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236916333117668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668678651133762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058834679333111435,0.042922867084889585,0.0,0.0,0.07846476877354888,0.05748981316962884,0.0,0.04994848182592812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431439913831517,0.09369654733566228,0.06840647058214884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066672147783816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882871963146768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156908485167083,0.048326189280155515,0.0,0.6987814709768334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910094723305415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046871471895790065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03705915075781062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488490259876365,0.15868236795243162,0.3788261298300511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657193929971116,0.0,0.09566330118768432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884974672462792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987183393055542,0.0,0.0,0.03083577728253433,0.0,0.0,0.05941082520879784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930855575426344,0.0,0.0,0.06124908167726933,0.04770146042347642,0.05064013329786992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232392111327788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478528834228105,0.0,0.04124622087797418,0.0,0.04327435248862623,0.0,0.0,0.05265404863382901,0.0,0.0,0.06387992616214526,0.0,0.05975374659838675,0.11406176335755933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076006347409155,0.0,0.03889858563893992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558786168440975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056123707502814084,0.06386378373459581,0.035944557048347966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356001969376747,0.047916372701717586,0.05337205479885988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788449161011094,0.10215818544722136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464135506467517,0.0630683315381217,0.05614904464426039,0.0,0.09508114017077396,0.04319508278907504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046909238219555234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528816196073201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035952076449342965,0.0,0.04454390046619643,0.03271733140526364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610299618603269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03309426102324543,0.0,0.09001374665960102,0.0,0.05044830120456916,0.0,0.050629215552253005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169460113208892,0.0,0.11396185885991615,0.0,0.07971577086461629,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gigixoxo333,2019/09/20,"How to deal with losing FP Hello!

I am recently diagnosed, in the past year. 21 year old female. When I learned of the concept of an ""FP"", I was floored. Finally a small acronym that defines so many intense relationships I have had in my life. Something that explains why one person always seems to dominate my universe at every point in my life. For the past five years, it has been a boy that I really thought I loved. I'd like to think it was real love, but he never expressed mutual feelings toward me. He didn't express feelings, but he did little things that would keep me in the palm of his hand, whether he realized what he was doing or not. When he got drunk, he would be very touchy and all over me. He'd tell me several things that were personal to him (big deal - he is on lockdown like a fucking prison). He held my hand. He actually cared about what I was interested in. He made time for me.

I have been insecure my whole life, so when I realized I had feelings for him, I planned on doing what I always do: ignore. I've ignored every possible love interest I have had or those feelings because at this point it isn't even a fear of rejection - it is a knowledge of rejection. I see how people look at me, how they react with disgust at times. I know a lot of this lives in my head, and others do not actually necessarily always feel this way about me. He was the first person in this lifetime that I have felt ""safe"" with. Safe in the sense that he was a companion, someone who understood me, someone who saw me for who I really was - and enjoyed who I really was. It was so surreal for most of the time I spent time with him, because I had never experienced someone treating me with such kindness and interest in a still wholesome manner.

Basically, I bit the bullet and finally told him how I felt about him - the first time I had ever told anyone I cared about them for my whole life. he said ""I don't know what to say"" and proceeded to make jokes and uncomfortable conversation. Since this has occurred, he has drifted so far from me. He left where I live for other endeavors, and I understand that. I understand that life moves fast and we all are just trying to keep up. But his absence in my life is so pronounced. I tell him I miss him all the time and he doesn't answer or will answer with a completely different topic. I wish he could just say to me ""I don't love you. I don't like you like that"". Hell, even tell me you fucking hate me. I just need to know what the truth is. I have tried to talk about it more but it seems fruitless. I have suspicion that he understands my mental health struggles well enough and is fearful that him telling me the truth will completely ruin me. I think 6 months ago, it would have, but I have made so much progress and have learned so much more about the nature of my disorder and what it is reinforced by.

​

If you read all of that, thank-you. I really just am looking for advice. I feel that this relationship has reached its expiration date, but I can't help but find myself still reaching out for him. I still think about him constantly in my head without trying, and he is just still such a large presence in my mind but he is nowhere to be found. It makes me so sad still and I just don't know where to go from here. How do I move on? How do I still maintain a friendship with him while also taking care of myself. Please help.",3.696045654948371,5.060221332840238,4.626157326836061,85.50375971690451,72.35798816568047,8.023854275437987,27.16022740457129,8.554587454381133,1.8106278918668064,2655,94,548,46,51,862,275,676,0.107,0.7490000000000001,0.145,0.9778,1,1,1,0,0,0,86.0,1,4,2,5,46,40,5,4,25,0,65,20,5,11,9,115,120,47,0,7,22,0,10,4,1,5,8,3,0,4,46,24,1,7,32,3,1,4,13,17,1,4,33,18,97,23,72,78,14,74,1,6,4,6,76,33,3,8,40,393,143,3,0.0,0.0,0.11186719647927636,0.0,0.0,0.0560099840020097,0.05080849304556727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583677288726051,0.1430782200091199,0.062103472189961026,0.06964701926422721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040077718945238865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988041499081864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257584966965743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753169911195381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201925872286786,0.06193984001185762,0.0,0.045763348645947714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818362263375162,0.0,0.058176041818813376,0.0,0.059884573518927835,0.06569080476929373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059224285021155725,0.0,0.07571531792604777,0.051846947621715087,0.09658490816282173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899621403552775,0.1738886588728159,0.0,0.1100675503833845,0.12557700862597812,0.05238714385738831,0.0975084487097502,0.0,0.06284566499677463,0.0,0.1059781845061545,0.0,0.0,0.032574848205132366,0.0,0.04584202964749634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658915100020675,0.1176485535682212,0.06092580738641246,0.0,0.0,0.07683740539932689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189283036420403,0.0,0.05968734147039381,0.1260007654088952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227561630380945,0.0,0.2429102128663109,0.1120097138671237,0.05744717886761636,0.10122478057724728,0.0,0.0962645050112778,0.06412360564666274,0.0,0.04872927694840782,0.20692507594268347,0.10847038236179493,0.0765197340340884,0.058110934521196235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776254472346065,0.0,0.057874321533581775,0.0,0.04575027052570619,0.1218388335138402,0.08426989456485602,0.04250018964006367,0.0884135575079153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014505977224086,0.0,0.03883981193679069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943205209004978,0.039736727883668464,0.15014225394538158,0.0,0.06291738756668103,0.10836710193511204,0.06461685341269395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733299697738579,0.0652398475214135,0.1468761970511713,0.0,0.05659410264295614,0.12307505909823513,0.0,0.0,0.054522054807346315,0.0911623309274035,0.0,0.0,0.04567461546322288,0.10435937321437797,0.0,0.06475244446458935,0.0,0.047413616764475724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569475978785024,0.04412580104156152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27464291040513683,0.0,0.0,0.05992068138162712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04309561626168237,0.04606962414052634,0.2003920367183893,0.052770240309237375,0.0,0.0,0.0761583817150713,0.11018019204972716,0.0,0.04550368149968287,0.20053372231035052,0.0,0.0,0.10953862841849207,0.0,0.116744431831399,0.0,0.0,0.17900857316841853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729292876534905,0.0,0.045495952518422166,0.0,0.0,0.05153530351377423,0.0,0.051720115996955314,0.12798585250244995,0.06591228025519554,0.05525201117452301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215009271621614,0.0,0.06964701926422721,0.11073174536897896
bpd,PixelPoppah,2019/09/20,"Every time I start to feel how I am, I end up ruining my life. I can tell the phases I go through. I’ve been through this ‘everything is so overwhelming I need to make it all stop no matter what’ phase before and previously I’ve quit jobs, left the country, spent all my money, lost places to live, lost friends; basically all the usual suspects and it happens often, usually in different combinations but the last time it happened (around April) I’m still not really recovered from the after effects of my whole damn life being uprooted. 
Currently I’m spiralling down into a depression, my jobs are literally giving me full time anxiety and my dog has fleas I can’t get rid of -I know it doesn’t sound like much but it’s driving me mad- and on top of it all I’m pregnant, something I’ve always wanted but apparently my brain says it’s depression time. It also means I can’t quit my job because I need to stay so I can qualify for maternity. 
It also means I cannot fall onto any of my unhealthy coping mechanisms which I guess is a good thing but I just fantasise about slicing my body up like the good old days instead of just letting all this bad fizz inside me just build up until it will inevitable explode in a way I don’t know how yet. 

Peace out ✌🏾",2.9503679653679638,4.902256071428571,4.5637806637806655,82.74435064935071,75.5873015873016,7.915151515151516,26.93073593073593,8.710501217029153,2.1166285714285724,998,39,196,21,22,335,154,252,0.15,0.747,0.10300000000000001,-0.9125,6,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,6,15,14,2,1,9,0,16,4,2,4,5,37,38,15,0,3,8,0,1,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,15,7,0,1,7,0,2,3,7,9,0,0,4,4,27,5,27,31,8,38,0,6,0,0,4,15,1,2,20,125,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787031437695514,0.09296948756067264,0.0,0.0,0.07598119335857614,0.0,0.08547422634342104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994646474257211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329106416314853,0.06811043328407478,0.0,0.09507520441345067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124108413571496,0.0,0.12472921048623065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205751910495485,0.0,0.1924682073393535,0.0,0.0,0.1167355474332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989608696909878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413853573331922,0.0,0.10041699095546026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649476037298987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632341375492153,0.0,0.058375052582207564,0.10718295395705972,0.06349953776622641,0.18743001900371545,0.0,0.0,0.12308474988828574,0.0,0.1976074418567228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33262856563855936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280932686579595,0.09107601548879317,0.0,0.0,0.12139650887999293,0.11425294145910113,0.1578384048389431,0.10917265079947487,0.0,0.09866088610245874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439360753910396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458158685131855,0.0,0.0,0.24341653136272726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213544570921276,0.16569485635827486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172433243712742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167355474332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768022542851064,0.0,0.0,0.07157800523642274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885330545715071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601630165884122,0.0,0.0,0.0790840703293091,0.11909082162131733,0.08922885202552068,0.09341246560361344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765818111813578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422938712526236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606059454840739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24611273576373416,0.0,0.06590208318970715,0.08868719623684433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474413423730915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lewd_Otaku,2019/09/20,"Horrible day I'd not been to see my friends for a while.. i've had so much going on that my moods not been in the right place.. i was becoming a hermit, i finally got the nerve to go out today after trying to repair myself for the past few days, i wore my love crystal bracelet to give my luck in anything remotely loving.. can't hurt to hope and believe in it right?..

​

I was already delicate as i'd been to my tattoist to hand them my angel baby ariels foot and hand prints in prep for her birthday on the 7th.. i want to always remember her y'know?..

​

Everything was going fine.. but a memory walked into the shop i was in to play card games with my friends.. my mood drastically changed.. i became quiet, my mood dropped more and more.. my appetite left me.. i threw the rest of my food and eventually i began to cry.. 

​

From that moment it all crumbled.. everything i'd built to fight my BPD and depression set on fire.. a friend didn't help with something he told me which was incorrect.. i made a fool of myself.. i became a mess, couldn't stop crying or shaking so left and went home..

​

My appetites gone, my fights gone... i've been sick from my nerves and now i feel numb and alone again.. 

​

Suddenly i don't want to see people, leave my home.. i threw my love bracelet to the floor and surrendered to my mood... 

​

BPD is back in full swing.... 

​

Maybe that was meant to happen... 

​

Feeling more broken.. I'd rather stay indoors now... 

​

Maybe i should move to another city/town ... going to start looking..it was a mistake coming here...

​

I only came here for them...... and now I'm just haunted... 

​

I need to disappear...",3.5713221884498485,5.557971367781159,4.0204635258358685,87.16589285714286,73.92401215805471,6.7668693009118535,26.643617021276608,7.5804360353943165,1.4568340425531914,1336,49,258,17,28,419,178,329,0.129,0.764,0.10800000000000001,-0.8847,0,1,1,0,2,0,129.0,0,0,2,0,11,23,2,1,14,0,18,9,3,1,1,37,50,16,0,8,6,0,5,0,3,1,2,1,2,0,6,16,1,1,4,3,1,15,6,9,0,0,25,8,43,10,41,23,8,53,1,2,2,3,17,18,0,3,17,156,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270296029397856,0.045499517854640084,0.0,0.0343075583452285,0.4914123921185515,0.5511029759475065,0.0,0.04323437839212505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0339296625914728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03170415254997392,0.0,0.0,0.0455364842940356,0.0,0.046453303657520095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038581942056857,0.0,0.0,0.04715736708076999,0.0,0.0,0.04361701156659675,0.035516921291286016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058080227166346,0.05318126636531868,0.0,0.03551226550854742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741116653742651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041695341956815034,0.0,0.0,0.0451666286103545,0.0,0.0,0.04985678099475667,0.0,0.09556508156582694,0.0,0.0,0.039552605300701545,0.09373028308403387,0.0,0.03297625816203742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03646050450975411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027636321258386037,0.0,0.08271626239610126,0.04095176189088342,0.0,0.0,0.04413871982601294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022659521189879142,0.0,0.0,0.043657756390965766,0.08959536984840136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163796809863437,0.039013841219537,0.0,0.0,0.08284431573835857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043822108870492864,0.03030958511028903,0.03057232056004376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03135809138823068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03935972761974006,0.028584436755584364,0.0,0.043077699034460765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046706771808727,0.07042222757210674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571165904078961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03174169682150413,0.0,0.0,0.029183567944593463,0.04394684125249345,0.0,0.03447102590273148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039082239207770826,0.03939806022136896,0.0,0.027993194256127715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486383139979657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03822162070739177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511029759475065,0.0
bpd,how_did_that__happen,2019/09/20,"I feel like a not good human My mother is severely BPD and I have many traits as well. Here’s the thing:
My mother is 87 and has split my older brother and I (he’s much older and the Golden Child) so much so that I’ve reached out many times and he’s rejected me. I’ve never told him my side of the story regarding her severely abusive treatment of me growing up. 

He’s moved without even telling me ... I promise you I’ve never done anything to him he just hates me. I was born and in his mind I prevented him from inheriting his third of our farm (entitlement) 

Anyway I had my say. I simply told him the truth about how she treated me growing up and examples of how she lied to him about me. I also said life is good now that I have freedom from her. 

As an example I had to not go to bed before ten until I was 30 so she could call me if she wanted. She was not disabled in any way. I had to park the car in the barn and lock the gate if I was tired and me and my two young children needed to turn in early. That’s when it got ugly. 

She’s point blank told me I’m not the daughter she wanted. Fine. I’ve finally accepted that. 

Now I feel like a bad human because I drug up the past to my brother. In our family anything in the past against parents was to be kept secret but our pasts were open for discussion. 

I told him I have the beginning of dementia which is true.  I know we can’t possibly reconcile. But I feel sad. I feel everything together. I hate this.",1.0052427184466026,2.905126854368937,3.205640776699031,90.42516019417478,81.4271844660194,6.579546925566344,22.597734627831716,7.675431598112923,0.9651858899676382,1134,38,252,19,30,387,159,309,0.10400000000000001,0.821,0.075,-0.9148,1,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,4,1,0,0,16,16,2,0,14,0,21,3,0,2,4,44,42,24,0,6,10,6,4,2,0,0,3,2,2,4,8,13,0,2,8,0,1,5,8,5,1,3,17,6,60,11,33,23,2,36,0,2,0,0,46,13,0,2,19,175,68,0,0.0,0.1288728504839478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698210581496595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739662891346307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901436555718245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081712882560257,0.06630424949499973,0.0,0.09255395642434527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136990079797596,0.0,0.11106476847082623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684277237753217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130790797205496,0.0,0.0,0.1261368929929206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184054832847643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097754087014518,0.0,0.10253723296093167,0.0,0.2199864253576421,0.15540843278183905,0.0,0.11915054184876475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618156278247236,0.18245966357375384,0.08699208130072278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477269058123924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059776306332253275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682638672026339,0.10627756024467044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205483125071436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982514785639476,0.0,0.0,0.11560366973411355,0.15991468038304155,0.08065044198291679,0.1677778981855084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077451357250245,0.0,0.31149543482884795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282136081618544,0.1226201066728065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346372228617437,0.08649705264558677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24575482179121785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506843656504432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226093810454569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634237692967976,0.12501335527786975,0.0,0.4157317353627056,0.0,0.0,0.11830886123551615,0.10625099008921532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830892288780213,0.08633534838596656,0.0,0.0,0.09779591670790083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484892324973782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,woosahhmf,2019/09/20,"Lost interest in FP Been together 4+ years and getting married early next year and I’ve just completely lost all interest in them. It seems as though all romantic feelings just disappeared one day. Being intimate feels weird, I’m just turned off in general. Not interested in anyone else either, just turned off from everyone I guess. Someone please tell me this is normal and I don’t have to ruin a great relationship by ending it just because my feelings “went away.” Will they come back??",4.866666666666667,7.375228277777778,5.448611111111113,76.03625000000005,71.7777777777778,9.388888888888893,30.13888888888889,9.827888789773867,3.422888888888889,395,17,66,11,8,127,71,90,0.14300000000000002,0.706,0.152,0.4421,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,7,8,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,20,19,5,0,1,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,4,3,6,4,11,13,3,17,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,2,7,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127739397154405,0.17771580366840847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629581162457404,0.1333691775879743,0.0,0.1057310002013389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940826996113885,0.18185470802004444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185824549401788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489177887052315,0.0,0.1536215705688215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573497373894594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26309834921140424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061831497356916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122469794729904,0.19107019420860044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786733396440496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446166390655086,0.0,0.16994013895622948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753141890323147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903914943365604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621596766425916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789861739932026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696013352226714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159934637911426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040969907783515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773186281840316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607860709031481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338692356917395
bpd,RetiredPolarBear,2019/09/20,"What are the best things I can do for someone with BPD? Long story short: recently I have been into close contact with someone with BPD. We got into a fight, and now things are cold and distant unfortunately, and of course I do miss her. It was partly my fault, partly her fault.

Afterwards, she told a friend of mine that I was one of the few persons that ever understood her and knew her well. Now I'm just wondering: what are the best things you can do to support someone with BPD and stay close them?",4.433852813852816,5.5671776666666695,4.7055122655122625,86.51636363636366,70.31313131313132,7.6773448773448765,26.26406926406927,7.957251820313856,1.3636251082251083,395,12,81,5,7,124,60,99,0.10400000000000001,0.7440000000000001,0.152,0.8083,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,1,1,1,2,5,9,1,0,5,0,12,0,0,0,1,19,20,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,7,1,14,5,11,13,5,12,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,1,6,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158380936341738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5685713309261231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611740510590528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626015866368501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203522754306122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316970264723635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196886524951472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259094656735899,0.0,0.0,0.13139297452255788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858044203994775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825026071842326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039122197358174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076245651168248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999158611541501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378969778483452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529922410904194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318869732267316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chezboy24,2019/09/20,"Losing “Favorite Person” Hello all! I was recently diagnosed with BPD with narcissistic traits. I have a history of friends abandoning me, girlfriends cheating on me and leaving me, and people writing me off in general. My gf and I broke up because I kept accusing her of cheating and became too controlling and mean. I was devastated. I felt like my whole life crumbled away. I felt so empty and as if I ruined my life. I took the summer to distract myself and have fun with new friends, but I cannot shake my feelings and everything. I see my ex every day at my university and she refuses to talk to me. She told her friends she loves me, but knows we cannot date again, and thinks it’s best to just stop talking. I understand where she’s coming from—but seeing her daily rips my heart open. I feel like I’ve changed, but she seems to not care. Everyone tells me to move on, and I often try to pretend I have. I’m just always filled with sadness and shame. I wish I had trusted her. If I could move on, I would. I know I should. I just can’t shake this feeling....Does anyone have any ideas on how to better move on or mentally conceptualize my ordeal?",2.652650375939849,4.761356407894741,4.067092731829575,85.24131578947369,77.02631578947368,7.149874686716792,26.208020050125324,8.11559375814309,1.7219809523809522,903,35,179,16,21,298,136,228,0.14300000000000002,0.679,0.17800000000000002,0.9263,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,4,9,22,2,4,2,0,13,5,1,2,1,54,33,21,0,6,10,1,4,2,5,2,3,0,0,1,2,19,0,5,11,1,0,8,4,11,0,0,8,6,48,11,25,22,3,27,0,5,2,1,25,12,0,5,9,121,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026013243747626,0.0,0.0,0.08385300673059261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621914030183456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585101087520733,0.0,0.0,0.07516681915799969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940311738585675,0.109055044932439,0.0,0.0,0.15530088392543218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571973199776004,0.0,0.13044248462597371,0.10621808540061753,0.0,0.0,0.138299315777397,0.09845062746654833,0.0,0.0,0.07952283147202749,0.0,0.0,0.12515403680122722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038914884266313,0.1178251484944661,0.11082040497464304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469547561442275,0.0880905647187938,0.2367881660668129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858001095260033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611942068205813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919862448758127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553263455153128,0.0,0.0,0.13056433745209473,0.0,0.0,0.1741907995685884,0.12048316981654413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379490224846222,0.0,0.0,0.11128940608525736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343175010845787,0.0,0.0,0.12426448108256638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39316756632139627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909069504061898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548556671149671,0.10766693979297592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175081328098225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965194717911352,0.1122540862826586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309019588591303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821903501305427,0.10777577656553312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901016397497207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178251484944661,0.13699864403860926,0.08371737723964719,0.0,0.0,0.12836696375133572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766789208532973,0.14179699564991485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759377412149083,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kiwiflower33,2019/09/20,"Ups and downs Recently I've been reading a lot on BPD, I've also been reading what some of you have written here and at the moment I don't recognize myself. I was diagnosed 4 years ago while I was having major mh issues. I feel like my pbysician diagnosed me with BPD because I was 2 suicide attemps in without taking in consideration everything that was happening. Since then I've been diagnosed bipolar as well and was medicated as such. But things have been going good for a while now. So well that I'm even wondering if there was a mistake in the diagnosis. Can BPD be situational? Can BPD just go away with time? All I want is a normal life back and quit those f@$#!! Meds.",3.6679357484620674,5.536788165413537,5.2728229665071735,78.7943062200957,73.36090225563909,8.445386192754615,28.632262474367728,9.095868883498916,2.530058646616541,538,22,102,12,11,182,92,133,0.054000000000000006,0.853,0.09300000000000001,0.4486,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,1,11,5,0,0,6,0,18,6,0,0,1,19,27,13,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,1,2,0,11,1,10,4,15,15,4,20,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,4,11,77,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980644125336814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906164516186262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638329196904701,0.0952511252123573,0.0,0.07551217546019863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.624057674780727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37718718281618135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818173213912315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132957279229116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263419643910195,0.08849529957428834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408004032934536,0.10389926916546396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954098441490004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929181847870955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749556232336367,0.060518366754777925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531287518713907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759560539881258,0.12478958455942285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136979283423854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317547842569202,0.24781417385596294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231020120154927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246949302725547,0.13923907713874698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549757459720274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313750461113066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822960923112554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223167190585751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306383807981634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275442307192975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940969620422567,0.13433559713053267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977051449408229
bpd,Kaiforpresident,2019/09/20,"How do I get over someone even though they aren’t good for me? How can I be alone? My last post my now ex boyfriend was arrested. We were still together after his arrest until one day he took off to a friend’s house and never came back. For a month I was in a state of panic. We’d talk but I always suspected he was with the friend.
We’d still hang out but each and every time the relationship eroded more and more. We’d stop touching one time, the next time stop hugging, the next time stop good bye kisses.

During one argument I said,”no matter what happens I know you’re not coming back!” 

I hoped I wasn’t right.

I was.

We met this morning. I asked him do you still want to be with me. He said no. But with him I’ve been through this a million times for the PAST TWO YEARS.  I know rationally he is a toxic person and a shit bag. He left me three times for other women, knocking one of them up. Told me on one “they were just hanging out”, left the fucking state. On the other one “he was just doing him” and then also doing her. We fucked the day they announced their relationship. 
But each and every time I took him back because I thought that was love. I thought when you love someone no matter how bad they fuck up you stay. I thought that I wouldn’t be alone. 

Now I am alone. I am anxious all the time, I was before he said it was over. But it hurts so bad. I want to call out of work I can’t. I want to disappear I can’t. I don’t want to be alone. It is my greatest fear. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even express how I feel. I am heart broken I know that. And I am unsure of what else to do. I feel so alone and I feel so sad.",-0.32042372881355874,1.6846252485875723,1.6281666666666688,99.15225,87.47457627118642,4.443954802259888,16.759604519774012,5.6839178017228535,-0.7587263276836156,1254,28,306,8,40,413,155,354,0.23399999999999999,0.6559999999999999,0.111,-0.9938,1,5,0,0,0,0,41.0,6,3,6,1,22,19,4,2,15,0,39,9,2,4,2,57,70,25,0,6,8,1,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,13,21,0,3,11,0,0,7,12,10,0,9,22,6,60,9,32,40,6,57,0,2,0,7,46,14,4,1,33,211,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811479742946552,0.0,0.05885958551149551,0.06124285659007761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314944098303093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880804283220587,0.0,0.0,0.169786451870718,0.12290938486567038,0.04486716671620279,0.0,0.06262997959804123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515598956674449,0.08418121278790781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340170569048452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493455163774164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148512343599893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722700681742147,0.0,0.12402591419583928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282284301905515,0.1116463239196363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372962436753142,0.2041319104849135,0.038454067754189435,0.0,0.0,0.12346792561407785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508610803552876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721886174851058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310350842683015,0.0,0.08492695976529713,0.07879258737018469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179919219749414,0.05999554802037345,0.0,0.0,0.1599378286133193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328575664770038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058748506724178265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676648922593565,0.0,0.1565533705627156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992481915208276,0.0,0.0,0.08635622457324414,0.0,0.0,0.07026154790101842,0.0,0.0642665286575547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049048154971849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804225535559704,0.0,0.06285580484266924,0.21003740087169406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555151430359977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472566794644745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845006250022707,0.17633623455426567,0.184603993787344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915859277989045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231370519548304,0.17529557581896207,0.34334388549548434,0.0,0.0,0.07032997591331416,0.16354931792586913,0.0,0.0,0.0718985724505327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364973974458678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358321698853558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047397349513917005
bpd,blondeleather,2019/09/20,"Does anyone else think most of the characteristics of BPD are so subjective that anyone with any sort of mental illness could be diagnosed I've been (semi)diagnosed with BPD. My therapist didn't like diagnosing people but she and I talked about BPD and her treatment plan for me included DBT and CBT. I don't think I have ever met the criteria. At the time in my life when I started going to therapy, I was in an abusive and toxic relationship with a man who constantly fed me buzz words and phrases and convinced me I was borderline. I didn't really believe I had BPD but I let him convince me that I was a monster and that was the only explanation. I've been having problems in my new relationship (which I blame myself for but my friends say is entirely his fault because he's only with me when its convenient for him) so I've been looking at the problems I supposedly have. Looking back on the ""symptoms"" I had, it seems pretty easy to twist someones words and actions to the point where they meet all 9 diagnostic criteria, particularly if they're in a toxic situation. Lets go through the nine characteristics one by one.

* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment by friends and family.

""Frantic"" is incredibly subjective. Who the hell wants to be abandoned? I have abandonment issues because my dad dropped my whole family like a hot potato as soon as my mom died. I don't really trust people to stick around. What constitutes ""frantic efforts?"" Is begging your bf to stay and try to talk through things when he's breaking up with you a frantic effort? What about trying to be a more positive person when your dear friend says he can't handle your negativity? Is that manipulation?

​

* Unstable personal relationships that alternate between idealization (“I’m so in love!”) and devaluation (“I hate her”). This is also sometimes known as ""splitting.""

I've had relationships where I went back and forth on liking the person or not, depending on how they were treating me at the time. I never stopped loving my partner or friend no matter how bad our relationship got. My long-lasting relationships have always been pretty stable. I've never gone more than a few weeks without talking to my high school best friend. I have at least one newer friend that I talk to every day and always care about. I rarely fight with anyone. It seems too east to accuse someone of splitting just because you don't like them calling you out on your bullshit. My current boyfriend literally forgets about me for hours and days at a time. If I tell him he can't just do that, am I splitting?

​

* Distorted and unstable self-image, which affects moods, values, opinions, goals and relationships.

I think I am the worst person alive. Sometimes I feel a little bit better about myself when things are gong well for a few days or weeks but then something goes wrong that I blame myself for. Whether or not it is actually my fault is irrelevant. I blame myself for everything. I wouldn't call my self image distorted but my friends would. Is it unstable because I don't always see myself as the absolute worse person?

​

* Impulsive behaviors that can have dangerous outcomes, such as excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse or reckless driving.

""Excessive, unsafe, and reckless"" are are incredibly subjective. If I buy a shirt I really like but didn't absolutely have to have, is that excessive? Can't any sex be considered unsafe?  My boyfriend and I don't use condoms when I'm not ovulating but he always pulls out. I'm a terrible driver. I don't think that's necessarily pathological. I just lack coordination.

​

* Self-harming behavior including suicidal threats or attempts

​

 This is a symptom of basically every mental illness.

​

* Periods of intense depressed mood, irritability or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days.

​

Again, symptom of basically everything. It's completely normal and human to feel depressed, irritable, or anxious for awhile sometimes especially if something is going on in your life.
 
​

* Chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness.

​

This is diagnostic of being in your teens or twenties.

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* Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable anger—often followed by shame and guilt.

​

What constitutes inappropriate and intense? If my boyfriend cheats on me and I get mad at him, I'm sure he thinks my anger is inappropriate but my best friend may think I'm not mad enough. It is also human to occasionally lose your cool. If you scream at someone you should apologize. Feeling bad for acting inappropriately is not pathological. 

​

* Dissociative feelings—disconnecting from your thoughts or sense of identity or “out of body” type of feelings—and stress-related paranoid thoughts. Severe cases of stress can also lead to brief psychotic episodes.

​

Dissociating is a symptom of a lot of other mental illnesses and even of hormonal imbalance. My best friend had dissociation in high school due to her hormones being out of whack. Birth control fixed it.",6.036386632094496,8.772386417977529,6.400898876404498,69.49426390089313,69.08988764044943,9.148372227023913,34.89340247767214,9.661875296680813,4.0108735234802655,4112,209,622,102,78,1323,389,890,0.24,0.638,0.122,-0.9992,2,1,2,0,2,0,165.0,1,13,3,14,34,66,9,9,31,1,72,22,2,8,5,126,111,72,2,16,38,2,5,5,11,4,14,3,0,10,32,34,1,6,16,0,2,12,23,34,1,4,23,12,94,30,96,75,18,84,1,6,3,5,78,34,1,28,40,436,126,5,0.0,0.07007301479278764,0.02885678973764132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094316255818901,0.09842094294619597,0.41651868715306506,0.4671121276331708,0.04021825274474065,0.0,0.02262154545281872,0.033406534421538014,0.0,0.062029675105764626,0.030298731422548457,0.0,0.02632423993695176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547616822332761,0.049380687924083885,0.07210422735650615,0.0,0.0,0.033316112902384475,0.09309804413518402,0.02615292838737115,0.032283604012657514,0.032846440837085336,0.14897331520292212,0.0,0.060390090967865524,0.0,0.030149353932721158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031004372388322213,0.03195547928004855,0.033166114449720584,0.02360984043809709,0.0,0.0,0.07628275859910395,0.0,0.05093849323720547,0.09004107688591566,0.030689773464314982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02587756562049437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024702570073759027,0.0,0.0,0.03055449307758832,0.0,0.0195312037672758,0.026748439455805927,0.0498292703205495,0.0,0.05315257294069852,0.0,0.05575334925161637,0.0,0.059807445790215574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561661687912605,0.0,0.015449498191342597,0.0,0.05041722193682894,0.0,0.023650432876085932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029194996982821755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248624914019636,0.0,0.0,0.058242471153017124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03086418388197128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048208221640135065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047619777103084,0.041773395349829684,0.07223388230337333,0.029637663475558313,0.0,0.026169186268543868,0.049663970631876365,0.033082109208090626,0.0,0.02513999712557367,0.053377519021223126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940109309549699,0.0,0.0,0.034632909050823016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561357608412776,0.02855961795191668,0.0,0.0,0.028973059918478507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060113723510562614,0.04497978102035193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410012742784097,0.12910020659005408,0.0,0.0,0.02795392012526549,0.0,0.0,0.06016817427889168,0.0,0.056590434874032786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03365799129130705,0.05683134559318994,0.0,0.0,0.22223545864067826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703170005789308,0.0,0.05985436240319517,0.023564061963669752,0.05384020668752925,0.09254623497945696,0.033406534421538014,0.0,0.0,0.03323876584715171,0.0,0.0,0.07516561031996552,0.04553002140881298,0.08773869386161735,0.0,0.02093033149385245,0.03151848866693504,0.0,0.02472247397738108,0.0677463963424848,0.0,0.0,0.03234560475006265,0.0,0.02787008517394193,0.12294134110768955,0.0,0.095071406021093,0.0258461419016231,0.0,0.033816733690200926,0.034333923924533806,0.03929098926364828,0.11368646878786902,0.0,0.04695175031290609,0.05172883242039902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0401532010386759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025539636613448158,0.0,0.0,0.017441596538371577,0.0,0.04743974947925853,0.0,0.02658765865895293,0.027412384707614583,0.0,0.0330146901977664,0.0,0.02850515109387557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030135124068731374,0.021006214826632872,0.0323309768061879,0.4671121276331708,0.0
bpd,JABRONISMOM,2019/09/20,"I’ve had an official diagnosis for about 7 months now, and still every day I find out things I thought were normal about me are symptoms It’s so weird! I used to think that every body not only constantly bought clothes (bad with money what’s up y’all) but they also had different “wardrobes” like me. 

IE: I have my casual cool punk girls clothes and also have my “im low key fashionable and chic clothes”. Except it’s not just a few pieces of clothing it’s basically full wardrobes. My therapist let me know that it’s def a minor symptom but also probably a coping mechanism to show the different “facets of myself”. 

Anyone else look back on your life and realize certain “normal” things were just symptoms of your disorder?",5.163260869565222,6.639784601449275,5.610840579710146,79.41495652173914,68.92753623188406,9.288115942028986,30.46666666666667,9.642632912329526,2.9051136231884067,577,23,106,13,10,185,95,138,0.057999999999999996,0.8390000000000001,0.10300000000000001,0.7328,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,1,0,11,7,0,0,5,1,8,5,1,1,1,22,14,10,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,5,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,6,2,15,4,13,7,3,11,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,7,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350358388901462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211280998508863,0.1496326685218636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229381703323696,0.12193520587510695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221473187622976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781464814102114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418210099465103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051561934017103,0.16737161798903538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199558548956542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460857712020334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347562204526345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577455515779507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802583864226056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933322996818368,0.10315059947958828,0.07134654197900972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263471284326904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656573287868778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861714710352146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106809340861552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745311639452822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166257297987726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553666130038828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956078411359873,0.19404164122885506,0.0935749281728265,0.0,0.1159374561448464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612950444205442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd---throwaway,2019/09/20,"Potential BPD - do I tell the doctor? I have an appointment with a psychotherapist in October to discuss some concerning symptoms which align with BPD, however I'm wondering whether I should divulge that I'm primarily wondering if these are symptoms of BPD or whether I should tell her the symptoms and see what she suggests?

I'm really concerned over whether she'll think I'm attempting to self-diagnose myself when that isn't the case.  I just think that BPD describes a lot of the way I act and feel much better than other MH issues - for example I've been diagnosed with anxiety/depression previously and I don't feel that's right.  I don't want her to think I'm seeking a diagnosis for the sake of it, I really just want something to describe the way I am so I can begin to work on it and get better because I'm so struggling at the moment.

If anyone has experience in telling doctors they think they have BPD please let me know, particularly if you're in the UK and went private.  Thanks x",6.866043334903438,6.885313720207254,7.5159397079604355,72.4273999057937,64.64766839378238,11.370513424399435,37.234573716439,11.022393298168332,4.2101544041450785,800,38,148,21,11,266,112,193,0.035,0.9,0.066,0.743,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,4,5,4,0,1,12,0,15,6,0,0,0,32,37,15,0,7,9,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,3,19,3,20,31,3,14,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,8,3,95,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004266443246647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106398500737128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718817167811285,0.0,0.0,0.6308162932716589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627808663576586,0.20334515448306772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506078677934614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979875395090631,0.0,0.0,0.10130005152141353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233579003699998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455365134224044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505196878737045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243276349759887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516274087349289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363802259842367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995888938494608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834563011468694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554642972703956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798241977878963,0.0,0.10450135149187463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711737984367098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472163309275978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31235151469279304,0.0,0.0,0.26266450322403057,0.09222501507760153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256744958610327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816820495228712,0.15902390750518694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286054425218272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172647480791713,0.07292648496240006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrScarHeart,2019/09/20,"Let's share secrets. I think it's safe to say we may have things we've never told anyome before. So many people think im mysterous because I don't talk about my past, I have no contact with my family, I have no friends. Not that I'm anti-social or anything I just really like my solitude. 

I'll share something, it's one of the earliest memories of abuse that I can recall. Sorry if this isn't flared accurately. I hope to get some replies, not because I want to know your dark past or anything but I know what it's like to hold those demons in, to post and instantly delete it, to type pages upon pages venting just to delete it. 


I want to say I was about 6 years old. I was a bed wetter. Looking back now I think it was due to the abuse I most likely suffered before I can remember. I just didn't wake up, I tried to tell my mom but she didn't believe me. She'd slap me around and say that I just ""liked to piss the bed."" She'd drag my by my ear, hair, whatever she could into the bathroom all the while hitting me. She'd make me strip down and she'd scream at me as she demanded I stand in front of the toilet and ""piss on my underwear."" I knew no matter what I did the outcome wouldn't be good so I just stood therr crying. I was promptly given ""something to cry about."" Sometimes she would shove my soiled garments in my face, abuse me some more, you get the idea.",2.2317028985507217,3.5591058055555607,3.5108393719806763,92.1941847826087,76.0138888888889,6.536473429951693,22.93840579710145,7.079830092131019,0.5723847826086956,1064,30,241,11,23,347,157,288,0.19399999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.067,-0.9902,0,0,2,0,3,0,35.0,1,2,0,0,13,14,2,0,9,0,24,6,6,1,2,46,42,13,0,7,12,1,1,4,1,3,0,5,2,0,14,8,0,2,9,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,11,7,49,10,31,20,7,22,1,1,1,0,23,10,2,9,13,154,63,1,0.0,0.4171932619534952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317124546373152,0.10448430645490786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025039105443047,0.0,0.14309549308651226,0.0,0.19974668490362812,0.13223595282204895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371050444737987,0.0,0.2578511699423549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064612013576612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067987722711862,0.0,0.12264210533447265,0.0,0.0,0.09844450290269267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657502969664432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249659910542347,0.1267798895178094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129007116356083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001891785422797,0.0,0.22936448271523704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985613552318463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834547829957282,0.11899489764222405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374624867178658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052308582304568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316021571934475,0.0,0.07953304285918578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240861542587001,0.08136967519304489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240814780065007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519031563589916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295748605748894,0.0,0.0,0.2800123331412644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807145323538558,0.11608206731826995,0.1313862599049618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433767077034463,0.10258667363593904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797550419256087,0.22561813509255496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215219634588453,0.0,0.07968661911072722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845589632542302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337637829849114,0.0,0.0,0.07558252053877096
bpd,ChainSWray,2019/09/20,"My meds are on a national shortage and I'm going crazy Title.    
I've been on mood regulators for 4 years and it changed my life. However, my meds AND their substitute are on shortage since early august and I ran out of them two weeks ago.   
I'm going crazy. All the feels are coming back at their strongest and I can't control them anymore. I feel dizzy all the time, the headaches and insomnia are back, and nothing seems to calm me down.    
No one knows when the meds are coming back on the market. It's a fucking shitshow. I got out of xanax and anti-depressants thanks to regulators, I don't want to go back to that shit again.",2.211428571428573,4.340778000000004,3.395476190476192,89.42035714285716,78.52380952380952,6.4222222222222225,23.99206349206349,7.492282038375204,1.058377777777778,492,17,102,7,12,159,77,126,0.157,0.797,0.046,-0.8715,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,4,1,6,5,2,0,7,0,8,5,1,1,2,20,24,9,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,12,0,1,4,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,3,2,13,2,15,21,2,27,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,1,12,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655280317289953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277259524609346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47380856731740295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296062265393058,0.26539459722229736,0.0,0.0,0.1727760911356448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267990380974495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578093599275206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241337719376335,0.0,0.0,0.262644288506246,0.0,0.1232049461865889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465985058386148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880749948790426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513332334797901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781163670353806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438580002600033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023802021651766,0.0,0.0,0.1581263744387542,0.12742874054438424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418251911520248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982567109930331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048090953198978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086053410426624,0.0,0.12356669774969045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920080498353484
bpd,violentwater,2019/09/20,"I can't tell if I'm just selfish, lazy and immature or if there's something wrong 26/F 

I've always struggled with life, other people seem to just breeze through it but with me everything feels like climbing a mountain. I've always been very anxious, self conscious and very self critical. I have no self belief and it stops me from trying at anything. I've always felt directionless and lost and confused about what path to take in life and because of that I've never had a long term job and I can't make it through college without dropping out. I've always struggled with mood swings and have a past of self harm and intense relationships. I'm always causing arguments and getting my feelings hurt over nothing. I have no motivation, everytime I think about doing adult things I get filled with dread and anxiety and I just don't want to face it.

I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but I've always felt like there's more to it because I just can't seem to get the ball rolling. I keep debating back and forth whether I should talk to a dr but then I feel like I'm just making excuses for my bad behaviour and that I'm just lazy and selfish and mean. How am I supposed to know if I'm really just a bad person? Am I just making excuses so I don't have to take responsibility for myself? I just keep going back and fourth and I don't know what to do",4.551767191701881,5.58109005839416,5.322531694199,82.5881425278525,69.94890510948905,8.39615827890895,30.114483288513256,8.6894789155246,2.2530613138686126,1092,43,217,18,19,355,134,274,0.266,0.696,0.038,-0.9964,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,17,17,0,4,6,0,18,5,1,6,1,69,47,30,0,5,18,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,6,11,25,0,3,14,1,0,3,10,13,0,0,6,5,21,3,28,40,2,16,1,3,0,0,11,4,0,7,11,131,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761827763859603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593086928328747,0.10775224482440612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848960848056316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466826564600673,0.15927662258084993,0.11628551858979685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979815278669353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215064940622809,0.0968086865725004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857213888199776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468097303490834,0.13627897409974155,0.18315950438935014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494963312136756,0.0,0.05420664884453563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210625669020673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946499270572694,0.16955624291928456,0.0,0.0,0.10483670102853423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473942151807092,0.1397935422876842,0.0,0.0,0.08440829360155476,0.0,0.0,0.1041185309719622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100066067888388,0.0,0.0,0.10389677549394843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356293166352526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151967702965168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105099711635256,0.06612447864857612,0.08328213212325464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061102866750421675,0.0,0.0,0.10240241900816237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366072934075355,0.3980085430094471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342817952615692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974194614327586,0.0,0.1994237587064125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342777118868127,0.07666282656051768,0.08336631914008083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336623010796619,0.06111564912958471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475675528338462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739696874529133,0.056257591901524864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194291094869454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428305086284273,0.0,0.0
bpd,AVeryNiceBoyPerhaps,2019/09/20,"DAE struggle feeling like they're constantly being manipulative? I'm aware that I'm good at it, but I never actually consciously TRY to manipulate people.

Somehow I don't realise until someone tells me and then it becomes super clear to me that I'm a bad person and shouldn't be allowed near people.

I had a situation where I found myself with a friend who's a victim of sexual abuse talking about depression etc. and we ended up having sex (I thought she wanted companionship, and to take her mind off it)

A few months later she told me I'd raped her because she wasn't emotionally stable enough to give consent, and I'd manipulated her into feeling like she had to. This came as a pretty big shock to me, because she'd explicitly consented, and has pretty much destroyed my relationship with everyone else in our circle.

How do I preempt this sort of behaviour, and recognise and stop it before I get out of hand?",7.155828571428572,7.271066782857144,8.227,67.24850000000004,64.02857142857142,10.657142857142855,35.214285714285715,10.355215969177356,3.781971428571429,737,31,125,16,10,252,117,175,0.204,0.614,0.182,-0.8244,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,2,0,0,1,4,12,3,1,6,0,11,3,1,5,3,34,24,13,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,14,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,7,3,23,5,21,13,4,18,0,1,0,2,19,9,0,2,10,87,32,0,0.0,0.18226452506822333,0.15011682006483687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844242050438615,0.1875478426810524,0.16989420206488715,0.13089881109574392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759416295719119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623661109854174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249437468938127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850602234746755,0.17303911741201145,0.13624856520128084,0.15894849639208475,0.17156217633508544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699206818411698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556310420968406,0.21979372758661053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686677002927044,0.1188494129458491,0.0,0.08037032397462265,0.14756866765909452,0.0,0.1290261051900934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030806698744614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532541058433808,0.0,0.12278639931228337,0.0,0.11308345071129736,0.0,0.11864391458282912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132940278264004,0.13431925490819682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313002765518033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515687424545028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729124368032341,0.0,0.0,0.13034046755320292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860956507504692,0.0,0.1608175126976477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566173240314813,0.12364349327086654,0.1344550335810615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221245938569842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699206818411698,0.0,0.10444111957969338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073348189451856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TwentyYearsLost89,2019/09/20,Is it possible a females menstrual cycle can trigger/aggravate an episode? I swear my worst episodes seem to be happening during my fertile period to the few days just before it begins. Does anyone else notice this??? Is this something I can tackle somehow?? It’s getting overwhelming and I’m too young (30) to get everything ripped out of me. Tubes are tied (thank god).,2.9599834162520717,6.025922477611942,3.868557213930348,80.58635157545606,85.41791044776119,7.156882255389718,28.339966832504143,8.167268648758528,2.8076215588723064,294,14,47,7,9,94,57,67,0.096,0.904,0.0,-0.7399,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,13,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,12,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047689538891917,0.30006152024750393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919551448698105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886533725374055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562767916616943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446402995221235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631965282510638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30600620532286305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589680897545124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334139858996406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330146670647793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26660149634312663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545180605585755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696188103761201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abowlofsouper,2019/09/20,"[Trigger Warning]? Homicidal Obsession? Mods please tell me what flair I need. xoxo

I made a throwaway. I have been diagnosed for quite some time with BPD with Antisocial traits. I have been through extensive therapy and take my medications religiously for years. I of course have suicidal thoughts, but I don't really see people talking about if they have homicidal thoughts.. obsessions. 

I of course know I cannot do it. I know that killing of others is not okay. I just want to vent about the dreams and thoughts I have from constant suppression of these thoughts. I of course talk to my therapist.

But I just want to know I'm not the only one who really struggles with these thoughts and obsessions. That I can at least keep fighting. I can't ever have a break from them. I'm worn down a lot and just feel isolated knowing that the only people I REALLY know that struggle are serial killers that eventually snapped. 

Knowing that they mostly all had the same background foundation that I had. An abusive father who was not around and when he was I was not wanted. An over authoritarian mother who gave no leeway. Head trauma from physical abuses. Sexual abuse from early childhood. Verbal abuse for years on end.

I am just so tired of constantly fighting the thoughts. Not sad. Not angry. Just worn down at this point beyond any internal emotions and anymore words. Nothing more. Help",3.745434812474244,6.806699350597611,3.957628795164173,82.1041832669323,79.398406374502,7.605495260337957,27.77867838988872,8.53829466247534,2.568519329578239,1111,48,191,26,29,344,145,251,0.302,0.66,0.037000000000000005,-0.9977,0,0,0,0,7,0,31.0,0,0,3,1,12,11,3,5,10,1,21,4,1,2,2,52,47,11,2,5,14,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,16,10,0,2,13,1,0,0,10,10,0,1,17,2,25,1,30,30,7,20,0,1,1,0,16,9,0,4,10,134,41,0,0.0,0.457879486048265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569973102690192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581351992460256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600550075221887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167990987994595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088073200852292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805953149884744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867592324562368,0.08556989214690096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739142840389212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885012194291584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915217401990774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475724146471924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858735219536218,0.10688728358110287,0.0,0.3185738227853312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213639014356583,0.0,0.09141696945475868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732680818952673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163685521432435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270218376253382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654670486845219,0.14695613623207526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339577185985045,0.0,0.0,0.10605138051734836,0.09132992649053412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275915783115304,0.0,0.0,0.18567709259113735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698755799961028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200047166061785,0.0,0.10567826232876301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264048581091452,0.15530674203025902,0.08444347802960367,0.0,0.11048467578915956,0.11217441897621802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601966256035691,0.056335455411686275,0.11104171795852767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095345367542455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244304096492669
bpd,Lelouch_19,2019/09/20,"Those with BPD, what was it like when you were diagnosed? I haven't been diagnosed with BPD specifically, but my psychiatrist says I fall into Cluster B of personality disorders, that it isn't really necessary to give it a specific label because the problems that people with the personality disorders in Cluster B face are similar (impulsivity, lack of empathy, moving from very controlled to impulsive, etc.). In terms of family history, my dad has ASPD.

​

Were you given the diagnosis of BPD right away, or were you just told you were in Cluster B? How did the whole thing go down? Was my experience the norm or unusual?",9.182440476190473,9.17848998214286,10.1275,55.700833333333385,59.89285714285714,14.609523809523811,40.98809523809524,13.5591,6.289995238095237,506,25,79,20,6,175,76,112,0.067,0.917,0.016,-0.7724,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,0,12,3,1,2,0,12,16,5,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,10,1,9,1,16,6,4,12,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,3,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064472069544786,0.1801578166636044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392995490474796,0.0,0.0,0.09038077383132777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5602025291119143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629144774678176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009710619903371,0.0,0.0,0.3398483405933701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535431211247165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503130848056936,0.139770746703513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222899272660572,0.08426223538039157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724346343483102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575818926824348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278806203777474,0.25891800247887725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186927682000686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498215164171232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661722808139375,0.0,0.11790602580950403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850046646194298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167325712342066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122333889949672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165532222299387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801578166636044,0.0
bpd,needlefreak3,2019/09/20,"Nonconfrontational people annoy me Am i really so scary that people can't just say what they're thinking around me? i'm always left wondering what their real feelings are or what i did wrong and it fucks with my head. i'd rather them just tell me all of the bad shit they think of me to my face. it'll still hurt, but at least my brain won't jump to wild fucking conclusions about it.",4.773417721518988,5.176130898734178,5.0606075949367115,86.92205063291142,69.12658227848101,8.345316455696205,23.394936708860758,8.238735603445708,0.958278987341772,307,6,67,4,5,97,61,79,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.9106,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,1,7,7,4,0,1,0,6,6,4,0,1,15,13,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,2,12,0,8,10,2,5,0,1,0,2,5,3,3,2,1,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806638778180457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932856615780346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812887847368983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24238127405961846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978400282915107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40145375954029466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228310210942391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324348531436897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23590496864381835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010517471131419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471337113515663,0.13909466785060284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266506616339178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287382250104454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733948507531874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897752280278548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782475313597265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23546082513844024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373901110313213,0.0,0.0
bpd,LipstickNLace,2019/09/20,"I’ve worked so hard to slide so far backwards I’ve spent so much time working on myself trying to find the right balance and be a good mom. I guess maybe I got cocky and felt like I wasn’t crazy for a while. Then recently I started dating again and I’ve had one terrible experience after another. I felt that familiar urge to self destruct and I leaned into it too hard. Almost like an addict who hasn’t relapsed in years, I’ve spent the past week going down a spiraling rabbit hole. I convinced myself that my best friends, ex, and well every single man on OKC was scheming against me somehow together trying to drive me crazy. And it worked 😆 like a charm without anyone trying. I texted my ex a bunch of crazy stuff, and effectively pushed away any person I could by being too flirty or too intense then I deleted all the apps lol. I crave that intensity though and have been really missing the passion! My ex and I may not have always gotten along but we clicked in the bedroom. DAE find ways to make amends with exes that you can’t stop thinking about?",4.569775641025643,5.8675870673076975,5.021846153846155,83.7564871794872,70.15384615384615,7.46974358974359,27.328205128205127,7.793537801064563,1.588650897435897,842,28,161,10,15,268,138,208,0.08900000000000001,0.784,0.127,0.7014,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,5,12,13,1,0,11,1,12,2,0,2,1,31,24,18,0,1,4,4,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,3,8,13,0,1,6,0,2,4,5,3,1,1,10,5,21,10,21,10,5,28,0,1,1,1,11,10,0,5,16,104,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361850930349213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110634756016807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172528428376826,0.0,0.0,0.09582725641763498,0.1477620098692271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985312750007522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239459094232353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788194478006378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250942441485554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872724293661348,0.0,0.0,0.13784223202022158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706016300554146,0.0,0.25758811697687706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887083420366904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008542928786007,0.11819309290569305,0.1127028620556433,0.0,0.15523412264640246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524649137159692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065323366122158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406207682876208,0.0,0.14156838903425056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503833108641672,0.0,0.0,0.10358898128657876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548787435109383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451962714138288,0.0,0.12304183057373184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090273968576453,0.0,0.13913688796892867,0.0,0.0,0.12034092165203827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700542141317252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974059567914896,0.0,0.0,0.11781152543572948,0.0,0.0,0.16131433885820093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029285338753083,0.13844859600605608,0.0,0.08216886198406813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870167769104701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185202968110444,0.11303377763798444,0.0,0.12669980468951206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583734929675434,0.0,0.3077641150386244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074485226377288
bpd,illflywithyou,2019/09/20,"How do I continue this relationship? I have been lurking on this sub, but registered a new account to post to avoid being recognized.

I knew my Gf(ex?) at the end of last year. She wasn't officially diagnosed but definitely show strong signs of BPD, together with Narc traits. We got together fairly quickly, and given that I have not been with any girls with BPD prior to her, her behaviors from the onset confused me. I did a lot of reading and realized she probably has BPD.

She frequently tells me I am manipulative, and a liar, and constantly accuse me of cheating. Not one of my exes has said these about me. I never cheat and I may have told some white lies to avoid worrying her. Ironically, she was the one whom I found out was already and still attached a while later. When I let go of her, she will pull me back.

We had arguments and every now and then. Small arguments were mainly verbal, where she will call me names. First breakup was about a month into the relationship. The first major fight was about two months in. What she did included opening my car door as I was driving on the highway, verbally and physically assaulted me. We broke up and got back together within days.

Second big fight was a month after the above. She demanded that I stop contact with all my friends and verbally assaulted me. She only stopped with the physical because she had injured me during the first fight.  We got back a couple of weeks after that. Third and final fight was less than a month after (2), I was physically assaulted so bad. Haven't seen her in months although we texted once and that didn't end well. 

I am not the most patient person around, and sometimes when she pushed me too hard, l say stuff I don't mean, but I have never resorted to physical violence. I listed all the above incidents not to create more stigma. To be frank, I still love her so much, but it seems that anything I do is not sufficient. 

My question to all those with diagnosed BPD, how can I make this relationship work and if it is still worthwhile? I know she cannot control her emotions, and if I am the trigger, is it better for me to stay away from her so she will feel better? How can I set boundaries with her so that she will not physically assault me? And how do I know when she is telling me the truth? She has told me many lies, I have always let it go, but how can I build this trust with her again? In her last message she said she didn't want to see me again, but she has said it too many times. She has not reached out to me directly, although I know she was lurking on my social media. She seems to have stop for last two weeks though. I did not contact her because I really don't know what to do.",4.045681818181818,5.5216837196969735,4.844363636363639,83.84154545454548,71.65151515151516,8.386060606060607,27.404545454545456,8.912814788092511,2.051017272727273,2116,75,424,41,40,684,232,528,0.182,0.743,0.075,-0.9956,0,2,0,0,4,0,63.0,5,0,0,8,32,24,11,3,21,0,58,4,0,9,6,91,84,43,0,3,16,0,2,0,1,5,3,4,1,2,21,35,0,6,12,2,1,6,17,16,1,9,32,9,90,8,54,43,11,75,0,1,3,1,66,18,0,10,48,329,111,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203716088071795,0.0,0.06185768148980734,0.0,0.0,0.05055444083117052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061176322736819264,0.06617926635274794,0.0,0.0,0.06984583264067018,0.17149095985841029,0.062071643979786074,0.090635187925921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314971765792677,0.0,0.0,0.3745196339905297,0.0,0.07591049019460952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033622926128578,0.083379771925447,0.0,0.08225692133652167,0.0,0.04794380589471495,0.0,0.0,0.1509091348048567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362363811267469,0.1316881509818911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263551313551391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375890518995791,0.0,0.0,0.081436950377913,0.0,0.1897032932832696,0.0,0.08151108802173722,0.057435685333642565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844994263161841,0.0,0.17837190746015338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659494918009431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342351505991426,0.18179355308772344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203745330828944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320207420481798,0.06709567032162986,0.0,0.04962320612386399,0.15074024593504526,0.0,0.08097916134346142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966914526268849,0.0,0.0546492012918554,0.0,0.11467275059803207,0.07179901747968477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079170756890883,0.10075079417776693,0.056539693373172474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491170858935201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119814454363782,0.0,0.08015218996193292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327895279594673,0.0,0.07436113474833198,0.0,0.04762475910928175,0.0,0.0,0.23944329277011275,0.0,0.0,0.21214599330386605,0.05911896055894776,0.0,0.0,0.05924016559571502,0.13535453967122565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578130486007488,0.0,0.0,0.07352516672107892,0.0,0.0,0.07923763274916787,0.17810649665118605,0.18645725698062884,0.0,0.0,0.08510267854778661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995465116524849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303967176564954,0.0,0.04334884485510256,0.0,0.0,0.14207205514108748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524074289955494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384825794380444,0.0,0.11926375933416715,0.0,0.06684150229222309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541211457829529,0.07549691137588964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787317759060849
bpd,Urgirlriri,2019/09/20,"BPD in a relationship I’ve been in my relationship for almost a year. He is such a great guy and this is my first boyfriend who is truly a healthy partner for me. However, our entire relationship has been passionate but bumpy. We are truly in love with each other but we tend to disagree on things a lot. He’s pretty stubborn and loves to stonewall me in the middle of arguments resulting in me having panic attacks & crying fits. I recently got diagnosed with BPD. I feel like I finally understand why I have these intense mood swings and crazy emotions. I’ve tried talking to my boyfriend about it but he doesn’t seem to understand. He doesn’t think I have a mental illness and just believes I want attention or I am overreacting. How do I get him to understand BPD or why I am the way I am?",3.711923076923073,5.629906858974363,4.974615384615387,80.77038461538461,73.35897435897436,8.646153846153847,29.948717948717945,9.265573868473778,2.7835794871794866,634,28,121,15,13,210,97,156,0.165,0.647,0.188,0.2732,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,0,0,1,4,9,2,1,8,0,16,5,0,2,0,28,28,10,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,1,20,5,17,25,2,13,0,0,0,3,17,8,0,5,5,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467975318175176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490758646257306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164920597427108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402812281125972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704516326807573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676945648230815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637601594505554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400580851142859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295648872897586,0.08895066348672563,0.0,0.13639568410201522,0.0,0.10590896942851148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505184402378987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958279883888936,0.13727378651867775,0.0,0.12328543816021095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082977177168095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585477609154786,0.2247520274601057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254777747811366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608679860169094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667242132757348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229395640266717,0.4010345619459283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335011287319342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007720313971384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271955740774557,0.07978160351456293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453477707410348,0.0,0.0,0.3888609398262279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343979742823101,0.09883101429984643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470357210853184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018098390603863
bpd,UncreatedArtist,2019/09/20,"How to Survive a Crush Most of my FPs are people who I've had crushes on, and all of them have ended badly.  I had a crush on my old FP and, while we had an ""almost"" thing for a while, when he inevitably rejected me because of how clingy and obsessive I was, I got the most suicidal that I've ever been and ended up in inpatient for a while.

That was about 2 years ago, and I've kept myself isolated from pretty much everyone to avoid me getting another FP.  Well, low and behold, a dumb bitch has a new FP and a new crush.  This time it's super fucking awful because he's my boss and I can't really avoid him or isolate myself.   I have to see him every day and function normally somehow.  (and yeah I know that it's fucked that I have a crush on my boss but  ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯   )

It also sucks because he's becoming a friend and we're starting to spend more time together outside of work.  I can slowly feel myself becoming unhinged--like I don't know how to have a normal platonic relationship without needed to make it a sexualized crush.  And then I can feel myself starting to get obsessive and keeping myself in check is so mentally and emotionally exhausting--I don't know how much longer I can do it",5.013374827109266,5.3403181659751064,6.295087136929465,78.54642047026279,68.5850622406639,9.580193637621024,31.00442600276625,9.558583805096642,2.7641267496542183,942,36,185,19,15,319,129,241,0.175,0.774,0.052000000000000005,-0.9545,0,3,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,1,3,11,15,5,4,13,2,20,2,0,7,2,43,38,27,1,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,15,0,4,5,0,2,0,4,12,1,0,8,3,26,3,22,30,6,25,0,2,1,2,10,7,5,5,18,129,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203740968570884,0.0,0.13597910266179292,0.0,0.0,0.10859523297018617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423929246056984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133831742758616,0.24833816174121545,0.2999498739674364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757655751761323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527511263725942,0.24054817329645975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283437513416298,0.1144131659218617,0.12975796639958154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732409032962986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491489998168382,0.2510806261276273,0.14189459236344604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860768714325547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070085822367882,0.0,0.0,0.22388818429128074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064423410311716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684944654858974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964993729274955,0.1006902908848225,0.0,0.2623033639768209,0.0,0.0,0.2661005862933428,0.0,0.0,0.14249403626291432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414317261412623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381523603035255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699377067718886,0.0,0.0,0.14579303770430715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821105402101527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922328362105785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853771766293308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021618107062626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836634301047295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209603640798646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090155889304053,0.0,0.09886039600169473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744754431931742
bpd,waytoomanyfandoms,2019/09/20,"If I inform my therapist that I don't believe in good or bad people, and I never had, which is true, will she remove my diagnosis? I just got this diagnosis and I don't want it. I don't. I don't. I'm NOT borderline. Jesus fucking christ I am not. How can I be? I don't believe in good or evil! Humans are all just stupid apes following the advice of the one who's yelling the loudest. People all have nuanced reasons for doing things and we're all alone in our own brains. This has been obvious since high school, and I believe it, so I can't be borderline. Right? Borderline people split, and I don't split, so I'm not borderline. Simple as that. If I'm borderline, I'll kill myself eventually.",0.923575174825178,3.215717769230768,3.326394230769232,87.1326682692308,84.5944055944056,6.651923076923077,22.22421328671329,7.865858978985527,1.2471122377622377,543,19,113,11,16,187,82,143,0.183,0.7959999999999999,0.021,-0.9685,0,1,0,0,1,1,23.0,1,0,0,0,5,8,4,0,3,0,19,2,1,2,6,24,26,13,1,3,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,11,5,0,1,3,1,18,3,6,20,4,8,2,0,0,1,5,5,1,4,1,78,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996297627535886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013965424433678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452247918545245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5878806997288771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941640798454656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079604359714542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917694823322241,0.1391081953730276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837672358697366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924284468091405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414600668872442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785988074046393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617447492027493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882963221569725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485357881353264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602706011209454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387719555464246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019468405606261,0.11555176684342508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258877846293588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boob_sweat_,2019/09/20,"My therapist wasn't really helping me About a month ago I overdosed on prozac in an attempt.to end my life. Since then, I've been trying really hard to cope with my BPD and bipolar and everything else fucked up in my head.

One of the requirements after being discharged was to see a therapist. I have had therapists before, but not in over a year as I didn't really care for my last one. At first I really liked my new therapist, as he was very understanding and non judgemental and used my correct pronouns...

I only saw him a few times, but it became very apparent over time that he had no true help to offer. All he did was reiterate what I had said without providoing any kind of advice, only reassurance. I have plenty of people I can vent to and essentially do exactly what he was doing.

What made me realize that I no longer wanted to see him was a particular session where he completely relied on me to bring up things to talk about. Maybe that's how it usually goes, but I had already covered all my trauma and had nothing left to really talk about. I just wanted more insight into what I'd already brought up.

So what he did was literally not say anything until I felt so uncomfortable and anxious that I felt like I needed to say something, even if it was irrelevant or not related to my mental health. For example, I talked about getting hurt at work despite not having any effect on me mentally just because the silence made me literally want to cry. I almost did at one point. 

My previous therapists have been not great in that they were very judgemental, and I felt I couldn't share the truth about my lifestyle with them. But at least they were able to teach me things and fill the entire session with productive things to do/say that were relevant to what I was experiencing at the time. 

I want to find a different therapist at the same place because this is a different center than I'd gone to before, and it's closer to where I live, but I'm so anxious that I'll see him and feel stupid for basically ghosting him. (I cancelled all my upcoming appointments without mentioning it to him). And I don't want to go to the place I used to becit's such an inconvience to get there. 

Idk what to do anymore.",7.620681818181822,6.701827953703702,8.183922558922559,71.36242424242423,63.444444444444436,12.021212121212125,35.608585858585855,11.299434782280676,3.982366666666668,1764,69,332,45,22,590,209,432,0.126,0.823,0.05,-0.9866,3,0,1,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,3,4,16,13,2,0,16,0,35,6,1,6,7,63,64,27,1,8,16,0,5,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,23,16,0,1,9,0,0,5,13,4,0,4,32,13,50,9,63,30,7,46,0,1,4,1,26,27,1,3,16,236,73,5,0.07204509952365129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040163743586461,0.06386363377515568,0.0,0.07214276027987214,0.0,0.15900711767847678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979862764156298,0.0,0.0,0.16278091127890368,0.07144937963172412,0.0,0.0,0.0592869782676514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783604794236058,0.0,0.1226101466446284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073828079176792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345478051854441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553791613516928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913815884948107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054358996887635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018443602675772,0.0,0.06381057405949359,0.0,0.0,0.047585108761855496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474948995702319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036428167032189214,0.0,0.20752378116908826,0.0,0.06584791575759064,0.061281524850561625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660453359034832,0.07528118189856638,0.0,0.04094489033926108,0.0,0.0,0.0794299765663698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645382580734842,0.0,0.073939057122982,0.07658057181290444,0.0,0.0,0.09658062313036654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077125769112259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502388455527029,0.0,0.05872637184311726,0.0,0.0,0.07827721143356331,0.0,0.0508875844202738,0.07039519297742733,0.0,0.06361714280679504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363416302938184,0.0,0.0,0.07237898599104985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520903026317872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057505711089435786,0.0,0.0,0.05342052841664609,0.0,0.06958160606137334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912921606002262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645887193717064,0.10958708932851542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994700068568597,0.0,0.15054358996887635,0.0,0.06810590608397064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307696778752907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853138780877721,0.17187946445929406,0.0,0.0,0.17223184982961118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959645081948035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055463837418408234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372136593173368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018994805351188,0.14359068850156026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603023071075228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048913893412022506,0.0,0.0,0.07500148941102032,0.0,0.12444766850729624,0.07934749867030791,0.17833425684064524,0.2124703316160671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889781001085585,0.0,0.05244969050621218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639468200185893
bpd,callunabee,2019/09/20,"Spiraling hypochondriac Hello! so I was just in therapy the other day, and while I was diagnosed bipolar about four years ago, I’ve started doubting it. My therapist and I were having a discussion about it, and I was talking about my fear of rejection, etc. and she brought up the possibility of me having BPD. obviously she’s not a psych and I’m not diagnosed, but she does know me better than most. 

But for some reason, it shook me to my core. I immediately tried to shut it out, but of course, I just ended up focusing on it more. I’m concerned, because now I’ve become painstakingly aware of all my actions and I think I’m spiraling to an extent. 

It’s starting to affect how I interact in my important relationships, and I’m really scared that I’m losing control. The more I read about BPD, the more it all makes sense, and I fear a self fulfilling prophecy. I now realize, probably wasn’t a great idea to read all these articles and threads, ugh. 

Does anyone have any advice? Even if I’m somehow the worlds worst hypochondriac, I’m really concerned about how I’m handling even the possibility of me having this. There are worse things to have, but for me, this hits a very sensitive spot. I just have to get through another week and a half until my next appointment.",4.395654135338347,6.096059216326535,5.6699677765843175,77.37867883995706,71.12244897959185,9.729323308270676,30.03759398496241,10.064110947511567,3.1932857142857154,1008,42,189,28,19,337,131,245,0.136,0.8170000000000001,0.048,-0.9671,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,17,11,0,5,13,0,12,3,0,6,4,39,28,20,0,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,13,11,0,1,5,2,0,3,3,9,0,2,6,0,26,2,28,21,11,23,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,5,12,134,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441861609397127,0.11286420632298025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658404372299011,0.13350932502289214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902724070035149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776149527637617,0.14061831135565914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260689564752376,0.0,0.0,0.3207178620850297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280363305995827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211283751901476,0.0,0.0,0.25846044207625724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284252748124986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277043554386973,0.0,0.14199886303081513,0.1681913544759432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865476703418841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652104134844063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037411799927593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373223166028315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997342142783584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244193094622334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498912811739448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540951379981864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870752285044724,0.0,0.0,0.13727578835919893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547150215286699,0.0,0.1631328190845088,0.1309093065116951,0.0,0.13669731210900454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747259007925615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282571484340586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023982779186087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233744896852733,0.0,0.0,0.14560501009253635,0.14783188067027112,0.08458778042683951,0.08158347278051449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644399686919184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505485500235758,0.0,0.0,0.10213087498329873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975307090166804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199187318689492
bpd,Kimothy217,2019/09/20,"My IOP case manager thinks I have BPD and so do I, but not every symptom resonates... I'm not into reddit diagnosis, don't worry. I just have a lot of thoughts and would love input...

I'm so impulsive, I make decisions based on feelings 100% of the time. When I have flare ups I become suicidal and I think about hurting myself constantly. When i don't wanna hurt myself I turn to substances or destructive behaviors like shoplifting. It could last an hour, or a day, or in this case over a month. I'm either disassociated or I'm in a cycle of crazy mood swings. I can get so overwhelmed by emotion that I question how anyone else makes it through the day. I genuinely believe I'm a waste of space, I am UNABLE to take care of myself, I'm 25 and I live with my mom and I have a dollar in my bank account, no job, and a lot of credit card debt. I have no sense of identity, my interests and desires changed so rapidly and are usually based on who I'm around. I fantasize about packing up and leaving a lot, to just start a new life and hopefully do better. This is the tip of my possible BPD iceberg.

However, my usual therapist (who i don't get to see much) said it was unlikely because I have such stable relationships and I don't usually struggle with anger. But I don't do anything to mess with the relationships I have, if I'm feeling emotional or overwhelmed I stay quiet and deal with everything internally. I'm a people pleaser to the bones, and am beyond understanding when it comes to just about anything (this is not a brag, it may be my greatest burden.) However, when this last flare up started it felt like all my friends took a big step away from me and I thought the loneliness would kill me. The one person I had to comfort me was the only person I have an unstable relationship with and it's because I love him so much that sometimes I emotionally suffocate said friend and tell him I can't see him and then take it back 2 weeks later when I miss him. Also, I do experience anger from time to time, it's pretty foreign to me but when I get angry I have an OUTBURST and punch things until I bleed or a break stuff, but never have I taken it out on another person or had a desire to.

I don't know what I'm looking for, I guess if anyone has insight or experiences anything similar. I think this lonely scared baby just needs support lol",4.676774193548387,5.359277785562637,6.043764125744811,78.7931662214917,69.44585987261146,9.134744195603039,31.117115266077665,9.285337120503966,2.6894377234435995,1851,75,363,36,31,627,231,471,0.138,0.6859999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.9481,4,2,0,0,0,4,49.0,0,0,0,1,24,28,4,4,25,1,37,6,1,3,2,80,83,47,2,10,22,1,3,2,2,3,3,3,0,3,22,27,0,0,13,0,5,3,13,14,0,1,11,9,57,13,49,67,8,50,0,6,3,2,22,17,0,17,30,257,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275267784461094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228296105397684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973652931035327,0.08040210487515559,0.19372313488128592,0.06985521177940894,0.0,0.0,0.07372543849332917,0.06033882402236665,0.0,0.09566954419658424,0.08666429131275856,0.0,0.08840916691371939,0.0,0.06940061158563796,0.0,0.0,0.19766121468093947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000570990945269,0.0,0.08301118224655328,0.0675952230621259,0.0,0.08479852705972532,0.0,0.06265215663705517,0.0,0.0,0.10121371537830964,0.08089944307255235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655518741711463,0.26480560780119555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611461982173507,0.0,0.07052405403319928,0.15351803916244955,0.0,0.0,0.0793538921098439,0.0,0.07534380253320247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125193232851532,0.0,0.12299249330198925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644389230538158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779387227034368,0.07727744783314809,0.0,0.16800817772727578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786967362420506,0.0,0.08681577068651679,0.0,0.04312522971090518,0.12792755043434975,0.0,0.08308872712915341,0.0,0.0,0.05542589996703304,0.07667325868532318,0.0,0.06929072058671135,0.0,0.06589529639991952,0.0,0.0,0.20013795204117527,0.14164503531412267,0.0,0.10475908132553194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091903477634173,0.06263425208107022,0.0,0.1153694122104632,0.05818473991128269,0.060521139926630926,0.07578711351774611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053173512280401056,0.059680206085599936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440143200342671,0.205551741521422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846348314076476,0.0,0.07983251495007952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790470497693423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527432358717998,0.0,0.0,0.14928646696689854,0.0,0.07856246867507212,0.0,0.12506135355077405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760914219025718,0.0,0.11108337734484272,0.08363890870425637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820342048123527,0.0898297300738171,0.0858337819196433,0.08904717686263172,0.0,0.0815606969098751,0.11799981340029975,0.0,0.06858650888089439,0.0,0.0,0.09111007697509042,0.0521321865818029,0.1508418167561604,0.0,0.12459332042928395,0.13727000485040253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718340071816752,0.0,0.08535316299502298,0.0,0.08169035918744702,0.0,0.0,0.2592718778482221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294414871184781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969040794050829,0.0,0.1114861123369716,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrazyTigerLady,2019/09/20,"My FP is a person who barely speaks to me, but whatever couple of words they say can make or break my day. This person knows i have BPD, and they have it too. We became very close immediately after meeting (we had sex a few times in the few days after we met) and got very attached to each other, but now i feel like his attachment is gone and mine just got more intense.

Any input on what i should do? Some of me feels like i should cut ties with him and the rest of me thinks i should try to salvage the relationship even if it means hurting myself",5.867994100294986,4.950810150442479,6.2700442477876095,83.65367994100295,66.9646017699115,8.949262536873155,26.79793510324484,7.793537801064563,1.271720943952802,429,9,94,4,6,139,81,113,0.053,0.852,0.095,0.611,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,3,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,10,1,0,1,0,26,20,8,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,0,2,6,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,4,19,2,11,12,6,11,0,1,0,1,15,3,0,3,8,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939329191413638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25816488032555235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22680624806258864,0.0,0.2643900247210768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538722357959124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728788996843245,0.29287521775287845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32788213995428195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21943511359418366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265153647162515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028555105884766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682560707256813,0.0,0.0,0.22328309225707466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35796090690659904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200715918472264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630081629104415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134277804171984,0.0,0.0,0.11952536880404482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916782783168238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33825960166959923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BrianBleynolds,2019/09/20,"I still feel sorry... I sometimes still feel like I can't shake away the self-imposed ""abuser"" label. It's like I fucked-up so, so bad and now I live my life constantly trying to make up for it. I've left my toxic habits firmly in my past and have stable, loving relationships but I still can't shake the guilt away. I think it will never leave me. I live in constant fear of being an abusive jerk and it gets so tiring...
Even though I know I wasn't entirely in control, I still feel like I wasn't strong enough. I should have been able to prevent it, should have been capable of supressing my toxic instincts. But in the end I couldn't and I lost someone I really loved.
I know better now. I have a firmer grasp on my mental stability, per say. I just wish it didn't have to happen like it did.
I'll love forever, in spite of it all...",1.5911054913294789,3.4527631502890164,3.223406791907518,91.21060151734108,79.34682080924856,6.17471098265896,19.48302023121387,7.1686216300943375,0.2681679190751445,647,15,142,8,16,214,97,173,0.128,0.626,0.247,0.9488,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,0,4,12,17,2,4,5,0,18,5,0,2,2,23,32,10,0,4,3,0,3,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,8,4,0,2,7,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,7,4,25,9,16,20,2,23,0,1,0,3,5,10,0,0,15,93,33,0,0.11964198299222616,0.2835123716879003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481516278888436,0.0,0.09989605834954066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581361135400404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585809600429125,0.13418865729008764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596728530916744,0.1236221507489671,0.0,0.07902240139595013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463049331747629,0.1814837443206965,0.17094451311048986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250799807269453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579901043630896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315042098887268,0.0,0.0,0.1266835850501722,0.12999136458877136,0.0,0.08450667082120107,0.23380411816004096,0.0,0.21129212584975132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306033575638378,0.0,0.32394468235610824,0.0,0.07986195268253445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057097876144625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227527297789814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421181053863705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664571791288367,0.0,0.0,0.1284507149714439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514410695299247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481268120783134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137226393640357,0.0,0.11832898041689532,0.133929404726379,0.0,0.0,0.3821849686617665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666175176988073,0.1175476408343353,0.0,0.0,0.13751085940287186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812290529456981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758237592915296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrcme,2019/06/26,"reporting my abuser today and I feel awesome (CW) I want to preface that I do not feel great about the circumstances, as a child is presently involved and I wish none of this was happening or had happened to me in the first place.

However, together with my therapist, we are reporting to child protection that the child may be in danger of being abused due to history of this person abusing children (not just me...I know of one other that also never reported it to the police).

I do, however, feel good that I am using my power as an adult to help this child and I'm doing what no one did for me and THAT feels great to know that I am doing everything I can. I can't control what happens or if anything happens but I feel good knowing at least I am trying to do something.",4.834740259740258,5.453720396103896,6.123792207792209,78.58711688311689,69.06493506493507,9.276883116883116,31.63376623376623,9.3871,2.8713085714285715,607,25,115,12,10,205,92,154,0.095,0.82,0.086,-0.0885,3,0,1,0,2,0,16.0,1,0,0,3,3,5,1,0,6,0,18,0,0,2,1,27,34,11,0,3,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,13,6,0,2,8,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,5,17,4,20,28,2,9,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,4,5,93,30,3,0.0,0.4729297669974454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640055134845973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948934275687372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922760994656475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957733901080644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363720147943722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317280919152528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231931340498954,0.0,0.2933776078174957,0.0,0.0,0.470624977727929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918104159276162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193634618891411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026168583972838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031711850698767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617468969569825,0.13900960382514635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242888545104092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448205170710078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611645261103094,0.0,0.0,0.09033265310275147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491303681371555,0.0,0.0,0.07847671662049019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300167350429164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xBorderlineDeadx,2019/06/26,"Annoying & Hurtful Telepathy With Ex-Favorite Person In 2017, I found saw this man on Facebook live and instantaneously felt like I had seen my soulmate through a computer screen. My intuition told me ""He is the one for you"" although I didn't know quite what that meant. 

 ""Something"" told me I was meant to provide my support to him and that was my purpose. I provided my support and my support/graphics helped his public image and I guess in a way, added flavor to his career. (He is a public figure but not huge.)

I got in touch with him via my graphics because he liked them. He added me and messaged me. 

I felt like I fell in love the 2nd night of contact. (I realize to some this is ridiculously impossible but I'm speaking from am emotional standpoint. ) 

I fell harder for him than anyone in my life.

We flirted and I expressed how I felt about him. We never met because I felt it was best for us to keep a physical distance due to the situation . He did try to make plans for us to meet but I was too scared and felt it best if we hadn't. 

He became my favorite person 2 years ago but I ended up splitting on him and deleting him although I am still in touch but very rarely and not personally, either. His fans use my graphics a lot..some of them are on their way to being viral by my standards. (My graphics get a standard amount of shares.)

I don't think he trusts me anymore after that and it would be okay if I weren't terrorized by things about him. 

Somewhere in the midst of all this,  I started receiving dreams and intuitions telling me when he was going to write me, what he was doing and where he was.

For example: I got an intuition he had been on vacation and I checked and he posted he was. I had an intuition he was about to write me and he did. 

I also get intuitions concerning his love life and who he is hanging around. I never told him any of it because I'm sure he would be freaked out.

Lastly, I had a dream he was at my dinner table saying silly things and the next day,he posted something on his public page that had to do directly with me. It was something silly I had done awhile back.



No matter what I do, how long I stay away from his page or etc, I cannot get this man out of my head and I feel his energy and am told little things about him. I mistook him for my twinflame because of that stuff.

It's like a telepathy between us or something and it's driving me insane. It has also made me depressed and so forth. I've had this sort of thing happen with others but this guy and I have telepathy that is beyond the roof. 

To top that off, my intuition told me to go look on social media  for some specific words and I ran across a lie he told about a week ago that angered me. (The lie had to do with me.) 

I never confronted him of course...but why does my intuition or whatever it is reveal to me things ABOUT HIM? Why HIM so much? 

I have no choice but to claim that I am  obsessed with him but it seems so wrong because most people claim obsession is a choice..  I am obsessed not because I am in love with him or even WANT to be. I feel involuntarily obsessed.

I compare him to a song that gets stuck in my head and I can't get it out. I can go listen to the song to see if that helps but it doesn't. 

I fell out of love and am no longer attracted to him. Yet, I am still tied to him. I also tried energy cleansing, doing meditations to cut ties and I am still being tortured. 

I've also wondered if he still thinks of me and that's why it happens so much. I considered that we might be past life partners because I had a vision of him giving me an oversized ring. I have no clue. I was just trying to find a reason..any one.

 I'm not sure but I would do ANYTHING to get him out of my head. Literally nothing works. 

So, I just gave into it and started contacting him on his public page to support him but gosh. I wanna move on but ""something"" won't allow me. 

I can suppress the ideas sometimes but lately it has gotten so hard.",2.062805145046525,3.8640940517241376,3.616461412151069,89.22130678708265,77.69458128078819,6.284510125889438,24.33196496989601,7.1686216300943375,0.9400163656267106,3078,106,651,36,72,1019,313,812,0.086,0.784,0.13,0.9897,0,0,5,0,0,0,90.0,7,1,3,6,32,38,6,6,26,1,73,11,3,6,6,125,136,64,0,9,28,0,10,4,1,5,3,6,0,7,45,46,1,2,20,4,1,11,19,16,0,2,52,22,133,22,99,73,14,75,0,2,5,4,102,34,0,16,29,474,178,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000108073800758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804490701993781,0.0,0.0611218521011219,0.0,0.07672352822105391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594506389138562,0.03944424238355549,0.0,0.04642186963983455,0.05021820760138885,0.0,0.0,0.05300047457379215,0.043376972368897114,0.0,0.24071554837854894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184008077437722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036380759871048544,0.0,0.04858715454680925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936609625428861,0.05772856471801875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345536072796519,0.04996385778441808,0.0,0.06291375007823483,0.03725927312010588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704671314338505,0.0,0.27081950084400874,0.0,0.05155910202665102,0.0,0.0,0.061852313657761074,0.0,0.0,0.17683612731877352,0.05411506472352738,0.09617989062449456,0.0,0.0902348824413218,0.0,0.06214364281611635,0.05585626809461122,0.0997690314656875,0.0,0.05053363640062553,0.0,0.17368346497066234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562289777109724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038969271528531,0.06368173313401561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014114580128349,0.0,0.0,0.031002292932968942,0.04598291324301011,0.06363464516550445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953536236470462,0.11023926559104703,0.05653915709628773,0.04981240057308064,0.04992241492786386,0.047371464351377686,0.0,0.0,0.0479590521046044,0.20365437618521104,0.05337793873899928,0.03765512379197352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984370196172643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059956512088626485,0.08293790750403288,0.0,0.13052411230413585,0.0,0.059994285359653524,0.05293838468529103,0.0,0.054128369331875766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764518039691719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385117342965174,0.03910864109592765,0.14776907499967687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805327410153837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000058921551703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058000431954194825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044860700309112496,0.05647776681374715,0.0,0.044952673218970236,0.051354923887863495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340890554576459,0.0,0.057504434689299916,0.0,0.2171416983623848,0.05579243001343054,0.0,0.0798567202427559,0.06012716837975485,0.1802012325393297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645776874582949,0.0,0.2560604713719224,0.10633436912028628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930614987628626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738651718260296,0.07229244104460064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32342171586198826,0.0,0.11489914564200078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356831756108204,0.048721436082864014,0.0,0.04654540713251499,0.03327297266555127,0.08955366851388953,0.04524991402625751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270785203197293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117588082974626,0.04106825421827158,0.0,0.0,0.12021936355348856,0.06167713518405344,0.0,0.0363271656408066
bpd,ilikecatsandsleeping,2019/06/26,I need help I have BPD. I went through a breakup. My ex started dating again. My niece was raped and murdered. I live in a shed. I can't work. I started cutting again. I can't see an end. I think i might kill myself. I dont feel in control. I can't think right. I can't talk to anyone. Nobody understands. I make my family uncomfortable. I lost all my friends. I'm too embarrassed to socialise.,-1.4634756097560988,0.15283469512195325,0.9428963414634168,97.43068597560978,110.58536585365854,4.001219512195123,19.759146341463413,5.985473137389443,0.11214390243902496,303,12,68,4,16,101,53,82,0.266,0.643,0.09,-0.9426,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,4,1,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,10,20,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,2,19,1,5,16,1,10,0,1,1,1,4,3,0,1,6,40,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521218747863111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740071582249973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401021773206005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25497679605141593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926921461392051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509467442745785,0.0,0.11000405166086487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808506140294385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458247933101244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24069610877706896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921080316133253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374906669406271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522190516032685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23079505617190854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131677892282573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857936641445154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336585806949273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079778762002166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486518143743113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788052450759793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22648594173078446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167879391480484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583850886305492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amethystwoodstar,2019/06/26,"My FP(who is also my boyfriend) abandoned me when I needed him the most (my mom was rushed to the ER) Today we thought my mom experienced a heart attack and we rushed her to the hospital. They ran a few tests before we could know it wasn't a heart attack (she's fine now)  but those few hours at the hospital were terrifying. I called to let him know but his reaction was very non chalant. I then even hinted that he should come be there for me ( which I don't think I had to as he should've come either way) I called him outside the ER freaked out but he was too busy with something else to give me all his attention. He later texted me from the gym using his friends phone ""I left my phone at home I'm at the gym what's the update from your side"" like have some empathy! How can one be so emotionally unavailable? The whole thing was very stressful for me as I had to put on a smile through out for my mom and baby sister. When I got home all I wanted was to speak to him and cry my eyes out, Only to receive a text from him saying he's out with the boys & that he won't be back until late. And when I called him asking if he could talk (I was very apologetic) he didn't even offer to speak to me I was VERY SAD. I finally confronted him over text and now I have blocked him. I feel so heartbroken and betrayed. I am very glad and grateful that my mom is alright but so heart broken how could he abandon me like this ( when he knows I've been through alot lately and am not in a good mental state) I needed him and he broke my heart am I over reacting??? By just ending the relationship without any explanations? I'm just drained and dissapointed",1.874076246334312,3.735624912023464,3.129912023460413,92.21486803519063,78.47214076246334,6.394134897360704,21.557184750733136,7.359569317364363,0.5267806451612902,1289,36,289,17,31,417,172,341,0.184,0.746,0.07,-0.9935,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,3,1,1,0,19,16,3,1,18,1,31,5,5,4,2,57,49,29,0,8,10,5,1,2,1,2,0,3,2,1,9,21,0,3,7,2,0,7,6,9,2,1,16,6,54,7,37,24,9,39,0,4,1,0,51,13,0,4,19,194,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985828899646991,0.0,0.09464982010407456,0.0,0.059404843719872716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166574908202383,0.1987593465259901,0.0,0.06717110968075793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433323181911433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675996845718825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049833057794712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923915671493687,0.0,0.09595608958117316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297444391851451,0.09826335870196612,0.07737118540152899,0.0,0.0,0.11539517788800352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441696459689826,0.0,0.0,0.09569385459882533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749076550135827,0.0,0.0,0.08379950811255281,0.0,0.07326978226561208,0.06986630064852582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140675063898047,0.0,0.0,0.17524969718187408,0.0,0.08602772772510925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402515702884625,0.0,0.19708197674824912,0.0,0.0949121791772982,0.08932707992467434,0.0,0.08535512503233175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803395807091251,0.0,0.0,0.4092395684688709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295462286397357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919445536714415,0.06643791511846629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781656515892779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378728589694983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694687262908115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725065416241108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000656123191763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021316978582748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058035218278134924,0.055973979064275384,0.0,0.06935063557870276,0.0,0.0,0.08280295056796752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544724189355186,0.0,0.360387836781748,0.05152463102577371,0.0693388560974577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752947369971447,0.0,0.08420773804821623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,omgwtfbbq88,2019/06/26,"My FP(also my boyfriend) abandoned me when I needed him the most (my mom was rushed to the ER) Today we thought my mom experienced a heart attack & we rushed her to the hospital, they ran a few tests before we could know it wasn't a heart attack (she's fine now) but those few hours at the hospital were terrifying. I called to let him know and his reaction was very non chalant. I then even hinted for him to come (which I don't think I needed to as he should've come anyway) he did not check up on her  asked just once I needed him the most in that moment and he just abandoned me when I got home I expected a phone call. This whole thing was a stressful experience & I wanted to cry to him about it as I had to stay strong for my mom and baby sister all day. Only for him to tell me that he's out with the boys and won't be back until late. He has been emotionally unavailable in the past but this broke my heart in a way I can't even explain it hurt me so much because I needed him the most. He has nonetheless been a good boyfriend but I just never felt so hurt. I'm very grateful that my mom is home and well but feel so betrayed and heartbroken. Don't even know if I want to be with him anymore. But I feel like maybe Im over reacting as I have blocked him off everywhere without any explanation I feel so lost & alone & betrayed",2.5998355899419754,3.888283393617024,3.803417150225663,90.62454545454548,74.99290780141844,7.113088330109607,23.45647969052225,7.686295010490155,0.8372425531914889,1055,30,239,14,22,344,148,282,0.215,0.716,0.068,-0.9946,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,1,2,17,14,2,1,15,0,21,3,3,1,2,52,44,23,0,9,11,5,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,14,0,3,10,0,1,5,8,9,2,0,14,5,45,5,30,25,8,29,0,6,0,0,35,9,0,4,14,161,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119264035254147,0.0,0.0704130859252574,0.0,0.3816060205044606,0.0,0.059876622020262386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732136079228688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231431788364629,0.20033784317405426,0.0,0.06770456570851742,0.0,0.053674106566615636,0.0,0.07492356761623321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981659589252075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169355039783866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030029379162986,0.0,0.09671814866625583,0.056784588981165625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904374153703598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446742597143222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612922391447315,0.0,0.0,0.1335612905030926,0.06290252017038676,0.084541247065867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385167241433792,0.07042116120383522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31301694464370244,0.0,0.0,0.17664148611865085,0.0,0.08671093826201302,0.0,0.18851744117996252,0.0,0.09510847831341038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451689685354776,0.0,0.09932357607409543,0.0,0.0,0.09003649308539845,0.0,0.0430164969640637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611633838366723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845747271818306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124896460042128,0.0,0.0,0.06472645163635365,0.26115010429080765,0.06790913746343584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376975410023,0.0,0.06696554829975751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405313028631108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384896179045402,0.0,0.0,0.10086030819835427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695907025836321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058496119358375336,0.05641851030205655,0.0,0.06990140085196145,0.0,0.0,0.08346055073724698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452999784693448,0.10386765332509988,0.06988952782104445,0.0,0.0,0.07916699902553898,0.0,0.0,0.09830402820501588,0.0,0.08487649468569489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,annamartln,2019/06/26,"Anger and relationships. Does anybody have any suggestions for how to control their anger? Sometimes the smallest freaking thing will make me flip out even when I know I shouldn’t be getting upset about it. Also, every relationship I’ve been in are so extreme. For example one day I’ll love my girlfriend so much and want to make her so happy and then literally the very next day I’ll hate her and wish I was single and want nothing to do with her. And it’s been like this in all of my relationships. Intimate and friendly. I just need some help I feel like I’m going crazy.",4.7642699115044245,5.988163867256638,5.269192477876106,82.44325774336285,69.61946902654867,8.127876106194691,29.169247787610626,8.472884824447931,2.0321867256637165,459,17,90,7,8,147,80,113,0.14400000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.195,0.6974,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,3,1,2,0,9,1,0,4,1,23,22,14,0,5,1,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,1,12,5,11,16,4,9,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,1,7,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390104902413742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820925715241914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949633056720136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420984533487948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521183840743376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481200355846498,0.0,0.14645790473355452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789285034230483,0.12418302722288235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429937282866358,0.0,0.09081815245268576,0.0,0.09879067249501636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185043539584713,0.0,0.17161953443428904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651349692207813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553152996481457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984752913083526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688689690685365,0.0,0.23206358282204825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778385800481773,0.1288915389342044,0.0,0.0,0.18486845092217224,0.0,0.0,0.16679301585708356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779060693246672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5598798701583599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192070957983285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548384966194013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434266157609176,0.2050569609215782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998940547960812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teresa102692,2019/06/26,Losing favorite person It has been 7 months and I get panic attacks every single day from losing my “favorite person”. I broke up with him as a way to run away from my feelings and I hurt him terribly. He got a girlfriend shortly afterwards and since then asked for space. I have a feeling she is a rebound but he is a codependent so he falls very quickly. I miss his essence. I wish I never dated him so I can still have him in my life. I feel like dying everyday because we are not on speaking terms. It hurts me so much and I don’t know what to do. All I want to do is to talk to him. Should I text him? I’m trying struggling and I cry every single day.,-0.25840579710145306,1.9846544637681165,2.021739130434785,94.22289855072464,91.31884057971016,4.22608695652174,19.98550724637681,5.82211442006289,-0.017336231884057973,508,17,109,4,18,171,89,138,0.2,0.705,0.095,-0.9315,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,5,11,1,2,5,0,13,1,0,0,2,18,24,11,1,3,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,2,4,26,1,14,21,5,20,0,6,0,0,18,6,0,0,12,79,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531433242859855,0.18636127998610613,0.15390798971985836,0.0,0.0,0.09985906849535868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799412202683062,0.2112920558263352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001234478680194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760395444450737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848678273058375,0.11702825574617474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558568919851225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101646231314035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507310559141857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002750674196508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157061798026725,0.0800309048727903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665303664427736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075421485999858,0.0,0.12042162563794513,0.0,0.12634291734331066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219961445762504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28607091362673953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550805629069435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082151465716854,0.0,0.0,0.17125323102796786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131666927084182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121847913310293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351631301429907,0.09662132983033757,0.13002737431927436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883772129731521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bearblots,2019/06/26,"Open Relationships and how it affects BPD? Hey all, so long story short I’ve been diagnosed with BPD from the age of 17 (currently 21) . My LDR boyfriend (21) and I have been through a rough patch the last year and i believe it might have stemmed from my symptoms and the repression of those negative emotions. 

I needed a break after I had asked for an open relationship, and I feel as if I might have drove him away. Granted though, I put him in a position where he didn’t know why I was going away but I just was

We made up, and I apologized profusely. Months after I learned to move on from my FP and healthily attach to my boyfriend.

But now he wants an open relationship and that broke my heart. He says that break made him think differently, and now an open relationship doesn’t sound like a bad idea. All the feelings of paranoia and mistrust came flooding back in and I felt at my worst. I don’t really know what to do, I know I love him and want to spend my life with him but just the thought of an open relationship scares me, but am I wrong to feel that way?

it’s difficult to interact with anyone else because of my anxiety, so going out on dates is kind of a terrifying thought. I can feel him getting tired of me and I can’t keep myself from splitting. My emotions no longer feel genuine and I feel as if I’m destroying our relationship.",4.6721106980586535,5.476483821561342,5.1966976456009935,84.42252271788517,69.52044609665428,8.951755472945065,30.18608013217679,9.150863307647796,2.304082858323007,1064,41,225,20,18,341,145,269,0.17800000000000002,0.769,0.053,-0.9897,2,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,2,0,0,0,10,11,1,2,14,0,18,6,1,4,2,61,45,26,0,5,8,0,8,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,8,25,0,2,15,0,1,6,6,8,0,0,13,10,39,3,35,30,3,37,0,1,0,1,23,16,0,4,13,149,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207673721735583,0.0,0.0,0.06587962202672389,0.0965377766659242,0.0,0.0,0.08808138659249752,0.0,0.17704237785609514,0.07244805253295879,0.07866834020115461,0.0574345976745347,0.0,0.0,0.10615175341478322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732928668985798,0.0,0.0,0.10776062858637916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562958538810787,0.0,0.09843806415352893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870729502160488,0.2119657991996623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28583760310630035,0.0,0.09046433788525517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922517003093006,0.0,0.1070928557717713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164913233416948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063609859223637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374554900191375,0.0,0.09811385476360003,0.1553397315018982,0.07680048496507792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654916759746006,0.0460302994225438,0.0,0.0,0.08338022553781123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503568909187252,0.17830325625201765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990144201943613,0.0,0.0,0.07520414357843458,0.10013913605008558,0.0,0.06986167135353152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471540899257344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035865189630065,0.0,0.0,0.6069311268977545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492616923606044,0.0943289490623936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792888327026424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037127858986415,0.09256899573196367,0.14959760270386666,0.0,0.1082900691737654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111447821254589,0.07478609647806554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501735584585987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301291413092498,0.0,0.06067349243133836
bpd,annonmaddo,2019/06/26,"How do I support my boyfriend with BPD? Bf has BPD and complex trauma. I have OCD and anxiety. Our relationship has gotten toxic. When we argue it gets awful. He gets rude and so do I. We should end it yes, but we love each other. He just opened up to be about his mental illness(es), hasn't with anybody before. It all makes a lot of sense now. Working on getting him into therapy. Any tips for me?",0.03683333333333394,2.398530350000001,2.055000000000004,92.20333333333336,95.5,4.166666666666667,19.166666666666668,5.985473137389443,0.05229166666666663,308,10,62,3,12,102,66,80,0.10300000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.114,0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,4,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,1,2,8,1,0,2,1,19,15,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,11,2,9,12,3,7,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,3,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157532673283497,0.0,0.1772146866550629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712050380076432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5835202424324683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051766978613988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36308898346495466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694395868795914,0.2090767920233332,0.0,0.1546308531766089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334527605195735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487097169554137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628782298777421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649165538714306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864688118749044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,electricpoosy,2019/06/26,"DAE find compulsive lying absolutely hilarious? I don't know if it's a BPD thing to a personality thing but I find lying so funny. I find myself lying funny and I find other people lying so funny. I lie all the time for no real reason I just think it's so funny and entertaining.

Example:
Few weeks ago I was on the train home from getting a tattoo done and I had brought a children's ticket (age 15 and under) despite being 18, because A) it's half the price and B) I've never been caught out before. 
So on the way home , the ticket man asks for tickets and I get mine out my purse, he looks at it and says ""this is a children's ticket."" 
I say ""yeah, because I'm a child."" 
He says ""why have you got a provisional licence in your purse then?"" (You have to be 17 to have a provisional in my country).
I say ""it's my mum's licence""
He doesn't buy it at all but I continue with this lie and argue back, refusing to show him the licence until he says, ""alright, I'll be right back."" 
He goes off to another carriage and comes back 5 minutes later saying, ""you have 3 choices : 1) you show me the licence and prove its not yours, 2) you buy an adults ticket to (my town) or 3) you pay a £90 fine for fare jumping.""
I squeeze in one last ""mate it's not my licence,"" before he gets out his little fine book and asks for my name.

I have no idea why I did this , I knew full well he wasn't gonna let me off with a child's ticket and was wondering if anyone does shit like this ? Or finds it really funny ? Or am I just completely insane?",1.1625626472478032,2.8078770403726736,3.655251659884346,88.63270186335406,79.83850931677019,6.180509745127437,21.35189548083101,7.0983637204850245,0.5319623902334549,1165,33,258,14,29,407,166,322,0.115,0.7559999999999999,0.128,0.7447,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,8,0,0,10,8,2,0,19,2,20,1,1,1,4,47,36,25,0,2,11,1,1,1,1,1,0,6,2,7,16,18,0,1,12,10,4,4,8,2,1,2,11,8,37,6,27,20,4,35,0,0,1,0,37,17,1,6,14,160,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920703686776094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891187894929308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726250699019242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420016877885699,0.0,0.0,0.2395981360061573,0.0,0.1266307104558051,0.0,0.1767635309467508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081477629480773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947080485914173,0.10890084664128437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089327046493163,0.10629031753774434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746552554305196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627960803864457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307061118285061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837083571584447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172513411554764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057081681769491424,0.08466412552925559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062093606737802,0.0,0.05074336510025338,0.10410037024885664,0.0,0.0,0.08722073747598756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010736343382822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038185134092098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200715799640088,0.09069122008428056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822151088757014,0.06653880484281724,0.1067908817731868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870044406686653,0.0,0.4955873859790776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661629240811632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800705083120882,0.06655272438993162,0.0,0.0,0.060564722676215786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244348278453005,0.08331452122358621,0.0,0.09338742619605513,0.0,0.18744465196469134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263754487586194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Playcrackersthesky,2019/06/26,"Having a really rough day. Any advice? I was in a relationship with someone for a year. A few months ago I noticed them becoming a bit distant. I asked them about it and they apologized and assured me I had nothing to worry about, that they were just busy and it had nothing to do with us.

2 weeks ago we got in a minor disagreement via text message and he stated “I’m sorry, you deserve better than that.”

It’s been 2 weeks and he’s hardly texted me in that time. He hasn’t texted me at all since Thursday. 

The emotional turmoil is agony. I don’t know if that was him ending it via text, which is very vague and very shitty since we were together for a year. Even if it wasn’t, this is no longer a healthy relationship and I obviously need to end it. I’m going to call him tonight and officially end it. 

I’ve been falling apart for days and I’m nervous for the next few weeks. I’ve been doing really well for two years. I just got into nursing school. I’ve been coping with my depression and anxiety really well until now. 

I don’t want to call him and hear that it’s over, but the current emotional turmoil is too much. 

I have two young kids and I really don’t want to fall apart in front of them. But I’m also off work till Sunday and it feels like an ideal time to rip the bandaid off so I’m not blindsided by him breaking up with me during my work week and it’s less likely to affect my job performance. 

Sorry. This is a blur. I’m just sad. I’ve been doing well and after 2 years I’m not.",0.8625757575757582,2.979978098726121,2.9272785176606853,91.0229810847327,83.29936305732485,6.099054236633855,20.024705655278908,7.348242739294969,0.5222709129511678,1169,33,256,18,33,394,154,314,0.091,0.812,0.09699999999999999,0.4004,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,1,5,5,13,13,0,3,14,0,26,1,0,1,3,42,43,23,0,6,9,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,18,22,0,0,2,0,0,4,8,5,3,2,14,4,30,8,35,29,6,46,0,2,0,0,25,12,0,3,30,163,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960288360075737,0.17422181182160887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858691669237408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682733819565842,0.0,0.07517669542129304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186969094037843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853209258199456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691230826173764,0.1072859796879518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069042075945864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267527393533208,0.0,0.0846402735679546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221082265115726,0.2611155951091548,0.0,0.0,0.06490676598051573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968853858232195,0.07020449462501659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584941349295909,0.0,0.15719185876274494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803110306062119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075804257998996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751834924273743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400691972097963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960200456744938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843860882833915,0.0,0.07224015530207725,0.07286636148815928,0.0,0.0,0.10451183595167912,0.0,0.0,0.1885864702623593,0.1118816630568665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25181850149317897,0.0,0.0,0.21101157012190527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994550346130314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162580815186036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326431108144522,0.0,0.0,0.2200116518081509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460468627068353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919920799431084,0.0,0.11820736193101306,0.0,0.0,0.16216697725043508,0.11592502319180488,0.0,0.3153068038523675,0.0,0.26507105641454165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308424950648135,0.09979850526075756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531320277110726
bpd,watthefrickk,2019/06/26,"Intense struggle with myself. Constantly. Mainly posting this for my own sake, would appreciate it if someone can relate and tell me about their experiences, however. 
I struggle at random points with my personality/feelings/identity. It can be a post on Instagram that will set it off, or a bad day at work, or just anywhere in the public in general. Whenever at any point I start to question myself, I make a million plans to achieve whatever I feel the need to change. 
Like my hair for instance, I wanted to do something drastically different, so right on the spot I decided to go blonde from a very dark color. 
Or I’ll feel really bad about myself and feel the need to start a workout regimen at that very second. 
At this point, I can’t tell if it’s my bpd that makes me constantly feel like I HAVE TO KEEP MOVING OR CHANGING, or if I’m just a generally indecisive person. 
Lol I’m not sure if any of this makes sense, I feel like I’m absolutely going insane.",5.019652605459059,6.2196896666666674,6.421182795698929,74.5094665012407,69.0,9.809098428453268,31.51199338296113,10.035473477838034,3.263966583953681,762,32,140,19,13,259,110,186,0.10099999999999999,0.82,0.078,-0.6417,2,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,5,9,0,3,10,1,8,1,1,3,1,36,27,12,0,8,12,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,7,1,0,3,2,5,0,2,0,8,19,4,25,24,2,25,0,0,2,0,6,14,0,12,8,91,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643976163352339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018503250063508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223720727226606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573839719609914,0.0,0.0,0.2612447962785717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795405584103045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628813059725771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823845960741924,0.0,0.0,0.3055889072746925,0.17270554063639604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739153316389038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743881363613332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715953218580316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420540115037308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284704692248502,0.0,0.17925382729748046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055429551676214,0.0,0.0,0.3427964311368647,0.0,0.2315287254299651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540710870751718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743530288716237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322616657706714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241657558997536,0.09305509912137892,0.0,0.0,0.17111119314578305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527285539875405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392279020015746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112992897556792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946825077939168,0.07129491462962967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799807903881769,0.0,0.0,0.08586578008851692,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlbusLotus,2019/06/26,"Loving someone, receiving love back and then getting them to abandon you: it feels so good. It is in the hurt I imagine them feeling that I feel most connected to them. The deeper and greater the love - the deeper the cut - the greater the feeling of release.",4.489374999999999,6.600459187500004,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,71.70833333333334,6.466666666666668,34.91666666666667,7.1686216300943375,2.4574416666666665,203,11,36,2,4,62,32,48,0.125,0.519,0.35600000000000004,0.9397,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,3,0,2,7,1,0,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,9,9,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,4,4,9,3,4,0,2,0,3,8,1,0,1,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199516105295597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.524782501161582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556215610649774,0.0,0.0,0.21763078893542512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27776757188316314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7025443295809513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984774896540607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,avalyn17,2019/06/26,"how to be happy alone my bf and I are on sort of a ""break""

​

i keep getting loneliness emotional flashbacks and feeling like a loser, comparing myself to others. Help me.

​

don't you feel like comparison is the root of all unhappiness????",5.105434782608698,7.574427152173919,6.08195652173913,71.94076086956524,70.95652173913044,8.947826086956523,33.23913043478261,9.516144504307137,3.69584347826087,203,10,32,5,4,67,39,46,0.147,0.575,0.278,0.7399,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,1,9,8,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,5,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050581199908632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290445634610834,0.4811594895239428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271230833903086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021957201984086,0.2828884541331823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344169943796463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076423256497254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270864693442022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598277270916776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934560061413496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811594895239428,0.0
bpd,armeonicx,2019/06/26,"Feeling Blue, Seeing Red I'm currently switching back and forth between the emotions of anger and sadness.

On Friday, a family member which I consider a sister went to the hospital. I was told that it was due to a hormonal issue and she might need a blood transfusion. I try to get information everyday but I keep being told she's fine, she's okay, she's been released and she's home. Despite things not adding up, not being able to visit her myself, and not speaking to her - I decide to trust in what's happening until yesterday. I was told by my mother she's in fact not home but still in the hospital under a psych hold and she doesn't want to see me. Obviously I can't stop feeling like A) I'm never going to see her again, B) my entire relationship with her was a lie and I don't and never have mattered, C) how long was I going to be kept in the dark about what was actually happening? D) I no longer trust in the people in my inner circle to not hurt me.

The logical side of me thinks this is ridiculous, I am making a serious problem with her (whatever it may be) about me but the emotional side of me screams MORE ABANDONMENT, DO NOT TRUST, THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT TO HURT ME and I'm bummed. I can't vent to the people who know about the situation because the tone changes. They give me diplomatic responses. To not take it personally but it is personal. I don't know her state of mind. What happened. What has happened. When she will be released. If she even wants to see me again when she is released. Why was I told a lie instead of ""hey yes she's in the hospital and I really wish I could give you more details but unfortunately she wants to be alone and when I can I will pass along any information."" I feel invisible. I feel as though they meant the world to me while I mean nothing. I really want to delete everyone's contact information and never speak to them again.",1.5482809144878118,3.985704541114061,3.560581659719592,85.52257515473033,83.16445623342176,7.091802450423138,23.034545913856267,8.192908349453996,1.5581797903246186,1480,53,298,33,42,500,185,377,0.126,0.795,0.079,-0.9531,1,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,3,0,15,15,2,0,21,2,33,1,1,2,5,67,73,26,0,9,13,2,4,1,0,4,0,3,2,2,14,16,0,5,14,0,0,5,16,9,0,0,15,13,57,6,44,47,2,40,0,4,6,0,42,15,0,3,20,213,71,1,0.09576323245288376,0.0,0.09345110086165867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918182814137437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651222819291271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363601464469959,0.0,0.058376377661089676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130480218366823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645914878848271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544149426157586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325071187057439,0.0,0.0,0.0915058724518996,0.0,0.0,0.09027705284714656,0.0,0.1936830707654612,0.06841327239873875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003233647497134,0.1837296372181932,0.10884890373506348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387324407806128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921166604139096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050330419261911,0.0,0.0,0.09995193461192793,0.0,0.08511876105886927,0.0,0.0,0.10525793626243407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678507818876653,0.0,0.0,0.08474744722761801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392270127598668,0.0,0.0,0.10431423409477486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158965629437187,0.09669356574850316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100722345230087,0.22157552545104325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188740428720367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991705030021151,0.1672335216355808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163248035037018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269675773405644,0.0,0.0,0.1028138732651126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052435910297858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764188559919567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647664113928325,0.08006235032430925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200203292324195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362083644810286,0.06136121260595768,0.09408688966846997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660234898075984,0.0,0.06501694877183639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593454256203704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877347589459439,0.08641142227075542,0.0,0.11012299126118293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonymous_pickle_,2019/06/26,"Someone who ghosted came back, then left again and it is fucking me up I have done a lot of therapy in the last few years and I no longer get impulsive urges to act out my emotions. But a few months back I met someone and got butterflies for the first time in years. We lived about an hour apart, so between dates I went into people pleasing mode and sent tons of nudes. After a few months, that was all he’d ask for. Then he did the slow fade.

Last week this guy randomly messaged me out of the blue. I swear to god I had just gotten over checking his social media and was pretty at peace with him never coming back. He made some pleasant small talk, then went quiet as soon as I asked why he ghosted. I held in so much anger and just asked him why he’d gone and why he was contacting me.

I have SO much anxiety and angst over the fact that he came back and I got ghosted again. I keep thinking I should have either told him off, or played nice and waited for him to reveal his intentions. I work from home and immigrated to this country less than a year ago. I’ve had a rough time meeting people and a lot of bad dates. This guy was a good match for me and my stomach is in knots over this. He came back and left again just like that. He probably won’t come back after this. I didn’t even get to say what I’d wanted to. Old me would be freaking out and calling him, but new me doesn’t have the balls to say anything at all. The feelings are contained in a very lonely way.",3.1905952028427578,4.104435381107493,3.843152206100089,92.36364450695886,73.03908794788273,6.754456618300267,23.726532425229486,6.782984794422108,0.5235094462540721,1150,30,260,9,22,364,165,307,0.05,0.89,0.06,0.1739,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,2,18,10,2,0,16,0,23,3,2,2,4,53,50,26,3,3,7,0,2,1,0,3,0,3,1,2,11,26,0,4,3,2,1,10,5,5,0,1,23,6,32,5,40,21,13,66,0,1,1,2,34,20,1,5,36,174,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192841194400657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070420410242675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760571813925987,0.0,0.2592122469339977,0.0,0.0,0.4264106915106198,0.07717028540301663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437536720162608,0.3171257373152497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923040306548095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458197079001522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039647028149475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104526414465133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467324155948563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786159151261269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544461601637353,0.096575583280023,0.0,0.0,0.07752097261059583,0.14784003477297028,0.0,0.0,0.18302883306276976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270893508323837,0.0,0.09101914757374613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215081062070186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067599821454386,0.0,0.0,0.2008381686120692,0.0,0.0,0.04515375988029148,0.0,0.08161219734106953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715137514439798,0.0,0.08745394359453805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754411262771394,0.0,0.13588473545546073,0.0,0.07128318443185512,0.08926379769106528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969835737697981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815050461899538,0.0,0.0,0.10145393689162914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402856413055236,0.0996488408951028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699875068717022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421475812964512,0.1566213255892326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428701223839754,0.0,0.0,0.10569504395251,0.0,0.0,0.059221648594747725,0.0,0.0,0.10778650330088717,0.0,0.0,0.0883152140017528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625958412998264,0.05451414467208932,0.07336196994410657,0.07413705966166748,0.0,0.0,0.1713561831877336,0.2501951966213673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728586514913082,0.0,0.0,0.0656554479719072,0.0,0.0,0.1785543224384222
bpd,sossery,2019/06/26,"Uhhhhh... first post plz be nice? So, i posted this earlier in the codependency subreddit:

""My bf and i of two years recently opened up our relationship and i feel so hurt and lost... its stupid, bc i want him to have what he wants out of this relationship but every time he leaves to hang out w another potential partner i feel so replaceable... he does everything for me, and i have no life outside of the two of us. Any interests i had for myself died when i developed depression six years ago. I want to know how to make things better and more functional between us, since i love him, we work so well together and acknowledge that this is a problem--my therapist thinks im codependent and i really agree. I don't know how to get out there and build a life for myself. I cant just leave the house bc i cant drive and im disabled so walking long distances is a no. Im reconnecting with old friends i have but it just doesn't feel like enough. Idk what to do""

And i felt like it would be better understood here. 

I have a lot of bpd symptoms, but no diagnosis, because god forbid a single clinician in the past 6 years diagnose me with anything but anxiety and depression.

I guess what I'm asking is: any advice or encouraging words? The past two days have been filled with so much self doubt and anxiety over wether every thing i do is codependent or manipulative",3.5360583446404337,5.333672917910448,5.011655359565808,80.82866350067846,73.55223880597015,9.499592944369065,27.10719131614654,9.910423181423305,2.7003447761194046,1074,40,216,31,22,360,151,268,0.159,0.6990000000000001,0.142,-0.6903,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,4,0,0,5,14,17,1,1,10,0,20,5,0,4,0,50,38,27,1,4,8,0,4,2,3,1,4,0,0,2,12,20,0,1,9,0,0,4,7,7,1,5,5,4,30,10,25,30,5,27,0,4,0,1,18,8,0,5,15,142,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655476743833044,0.08758799555684131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438667729963014,0.10360959021355373,0.1511768473922285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131118262653134,0.0,0.09237284353503912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060232897207133776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477662045343778,0.0,0.0,0.12444616231525132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372346984121499,0.0,0.17020766407344504,0.1002888018696196,0.10254788314957282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646820344019414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020958525307543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650126779859709,0.0,0.08880293374207808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498820194005544,0.07058899111418343,0.09487189578016203,0.0,0.0,0.08404667271556877,0.0,0.0,0.07633939554580384,0.0,0.051623493965751256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884897849446412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401203178292547,0.10577681104250702,0.0,0.320191218683928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860541042710337,0.0,0.0,0.2092483998860976,0.0,0.0,0.13958308522792676,0.09654592896229013,0.0,0.0,0.0874426348798708,0.0,0.0,0.10786142332158356,0.08400366625747817,0.08917875509519778,0.0,0.06595560823441053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263580071251538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036831622495166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864826562840825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892629394729425,0.0,0.0,0.09454662983409802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329941572556685,0.0,0.09756172076170498,0.2121672398310715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307907617979432,0.0,0.0,0.08173561949133598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270012498481414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472457503713294,0.13128828665108094,0.06331265761053287,0.0,0.0,0.05761617702695021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895653753542237,0.0,0.2377095217492244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483988330887915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884093317108789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193394718486823,0.0,0.0,0.07019090140763455,0.0,0.0,0.19088878728761216
bpd,catchingeevees,2019/06/26,"How do you cope with paranoid thoughts? Normally I'm quite good at rationalizing them but lately they seem out of control... I'm almost convinced my friend is watching all my social media and am fighting with the idea that she has access to the camera on my phone and is watching me. Logically I know that she wouldn't do anything like that at all and I feel horrible for thinking that of her but I still can't get the thoughts out of my head. 

How do you manage when your paranoid thoughts start to get the better of you?",4.030412621359222,5.648902563106795,4.439016990291265,86.1688167475728,71.9126213592233,6.703398058252428,28.408980582524272,7.1686216300943375,1.4406126213592223,416,16,82,4,8,131,65,103,0.131,0.757,0.113,-0.2648,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,4,2,3,4,6,1,0,4,0,9,1,1,3,2,26,21,8,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,9,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,17,5,14,17,2,9,0,0,2,0,13,5,0,2,5,59,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501181774526926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669688429579716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990305690004064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408275825257077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856926433551722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658927211023818,0.0,0.22436546230320786,0.0,0.0,0.1800975802293545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036543948012952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239359419684697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800491039638247,0.0,0.2422143619214498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049017139342016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103807483724835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22838195127747235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547370915122894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188807672250976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198045410980104,0.0,0.17147627068341545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758438845553642,0.0,0.5113928799384762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tossit787,2019/06/26,"My therapist says I may have a personality disorder I've been in CBT therapy for chronic PTSD for about ten weeks. In the last few sessions we have been going over my responses to the worksheets to challenge negative thoughts, and it seems to have turned my therapist into a lawyer for the prosecution.

What I mean is, if I have a negative thought, she tries to help me challenge it as one of the forms of dysfunctional thinking, and I appreciate what she is trying to do, but at the same time I don't think she has a clear picture of the situation. She doesn't even seem to look at the ""evidence my thought is true"" section of the worksheet, and while I could try to go into detail about why I think my thought is valid (and thus, my reality legitimately provocational), I would just come across as argumentative, and there isn't enough time in the session for that anyway.

So at the end of our last session, she says she is going to send me for diagnostic evaluation to determine if I have a personality disorder because she said ""there might be something else there"" because I am too committed to my negative beliefs.

Then she wished me well and hopes I have a good month (I'm going to be traveling for a few weeks so our next appointment is a month away), but all I can think about is, ""Holy shit! I have a personality disorder? What is that? What does it mean? How did I get it? Can I still pursue my life plans or is this a game changer?"" (I took an online evaluation and scored ""very high risk"" for seven of ten disorders, and ""high risk"" for one more.)

It seems like the kind of thing we should have spent some time on in our last session, but she brought it up at the end and then it was just, I was just on my own after that.

Anyone got any thoughts? What the hell is wrong with me? PTSD made sense as an explanation for what I've been going through. But this, what the hell is this?",6.192551662174302,5.980453681940702,6.694070080862534,78.53567834681044,66.088948787062,10.408984725965858,32.491464510332435,10.07000556051586,2.8949583108715187,1480,55,309,31,21,484,172,371,0.134,0.792,0.07400000000000001,-0.9835,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,5,0,0,3,17,14,3,2,26,0,40,3,1,4,4,57,72,25,0,7,10,0,0,1,0,4,2,3,0,3,21,15,0,0,15,2,1,10,6,6,1,5,17,4,44,8,52,48,10,47,3,0,1,0,23,19,3,10,19,234,65,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057074210760572286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586847100306415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885352319876443,0.0,0.0,0.10232398446030484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229691133457661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701002242637953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847570102313375,0.0,0.07344633510404179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011143421201453,0.0,0.1486713562693854,0.08672050417808215,0.0,0.05543393678965609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384914091192471,0.0,0.2384923058897611,0.07039518553618956,0.06712523286954647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056255457820935016,0.1773499896029953,0.0,0.08335986878306055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739854509873649,0.0,0.2052386178791364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928113251246773,0.04100319174781882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047874369483287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941511023260167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828453305285661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903480164821674,0.0,0.0,0.13398174498368876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925883797161346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137441531674789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198492046957775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621568786305732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983515681158715,0.13348651312970009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292158729554948,0.0,0.0,0.08615132781230712,0.0,0.09433907233226238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646122061620337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702535300274623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597947469864007,0.19489475316031005,0.055758319896631936,0.21511179750169768,0.0,0.33314899455533875,0.14681802825689694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093247574399971,0.17094568528410573,0.09129003171578214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924974484916391,0.0,0.0,0.13464464890568986,0.0,0.07546173840829892,0.0,0.07573235428342755,0.0,0.0965135530672222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962034899459352,0.0917625634332336,0.0,0.0
bpd,Omegalega,2019/06/26,"My therapist says I shouldn’t be dating when in the beginning stages of treatment. I’m struggling to understand this. She says that I need to fall in love with myself and learn how to protect myself and cope by myself until I can be in a healthy relationship. Isn’t this all or nothing thinking that she’s instilling in me, ironically?

I’ve told her that with this new awareness of my condition, and having read about it, I am being extremely cautious with the guy I am dating at the moment. We are only going on public dates outside of the house. When I get the urge to text him I occasionally let the urge pass so I don’t start to rely on him as a favorite person. I have told him I am going through treatment for this condition and he is all aboard for taking it slow. We met on a night I took Xanax and had sex, but the next time I saw him I laid out these boundaries. I have no plan to engage a total relationship with him until we have been dating for several months, I completely feel him out, and know that it would be a healthy non-toxic relationship.

I just got out of a sexually abusive relationship. There is still a lot of unprocessed baggage that came with that whole thing. It was traumatizing every time I saw him to say the least. I am in the process of quitting weed (been 2 weeks!) and have a loooot of paranoia still. After the first sexcapade with this new guy, I had a moment of extreme paranoia that he would kidnap me and imprison me in his basement. I still have this fear come up whenever I go to sleep at night. I sleep with mace in my pillow. Yet I am completely aware this is an irrational fear and I am trying to work through it without letting it control me. My therapist seems to literally be advising that the fear control me...

I am letting myself take it very slow with this new wonderful man. I don’t want to run away from another person that genuinely makes me happy, that makes me feel safe and at home. I’m starting to accept that as borderline I won’t be perfect, it will probably be a part of me for the rest of my life. So why should I have to ever tell myself or let another authoritative figure tell me that I can’t be searching for love like every other non-sociopathic human on this planet does? As borderlines love is almost a requirement. I don’t want it to be a requirement for me, which is why I am taking it so slow with this new SO. I seem to be doing the work already, yet my therapist thinks I am doing something wrong.

I have extreme difficulty being assertive in therapy. I basically let my therapists’s opinions completely override my own overwhelmingly complex ideas about my life, treatment, and future. I am a quiet borderline. Enough said.

What are your opinions? My borderline roommate agrees that having to be alone and without love as I have been for pretty much my entire life isn’t fair at all. Just because we are borderline doesn’t mean we can’t do the things neurotypicals are able to do. Date, find love, make friends, and enjoy life. I am treating therapy as my savior. I need help. I am so confused. I fear I am in another toxic therapeutic relationship and I don’t know what to do. Please help, please share your thoughts. If I think of anything else I will try to add it to this post provided I don’t regret this entire thing.",4.218004746084478,5.7534816449612425,5.331890523651322,80.28079734219271,71.31007751937985,8.490112323999366,28.82218003480461,9.014128462123184,2.39211501344724,2611,101,498,52,49,863,271,645,0.09300000000000001,0.758,0.149,0.9904,0,1,1,0,0,0,64.0,5,2,0,11,19,24,0,7,28,0,78,13,2,6,6,90,125,33,0,10,8,0,2,1,1,7,5,5,2,6,44,34,0,6,19,1,0,9,15,9,0,1,16,9,91,15,85,85,12,70,0,2,2,6,51,22,0,11,38,375,135,7,0.05751400772647549,0.06814469439573223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057591970856861824,0.05956716668743979,0.06346813770256715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092535551976952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047329127847837764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054036303504384736,0.0,0.0,0.035060005284339765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578070293260457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954322501807997,0.1809070285542637,0.0,0.12901370036116735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033089574149727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804557341919104,0.0,0.0,0.059427344444814074,0.0,0.0,0.05202471272768048,0.09691606413673733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588769941529189,0.05816162081816186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052566761107896084,0.04892138559109559,0.0,0.0,0.044435179699810215,0.0,0.030048695233955314,0.0,0.0980596080053526,0.0,0.04599920598345758,0.0,0.0,0.11389581997724885,0.0,0.061224730693461175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710085407161085,0.0,0.057691239155208414,0.0,0.0,0.06636344293786119,0.0,0.06492631409410964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321638905045332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940598479678179,0.16249537819395998,0.0280984390304115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889635264866992,0.25954318734963416,0.0,0.11517314028303473,0.0,0.0,0.06264961522325459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045907132251632385,0.0,0.042279413325504576,0.08529181594367166,0.0,0.22218954821878664,0.061166799699298426,0.10794600029112852,0.0,0.05518624157491945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04374199455643119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228206566863495,0.0,0.0,0.10043802625612876,0.0,0.12626621870259436,0.0,0.0,0.05508252106180565,0.05851242251683799,0.06200982792496852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061173226756252676,0.057529571833775786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30874260140852683,0.0,0.0,0.05470899192312397,0.13721234216199615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047171851182395,0.0,0.06497445801948076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511108731004258,0.0,0.0,0.04427709302802894,0.0,0.0,0.08141742138354507,0.0,0.13779228259270745,0.0,0.0,0.06012612850559362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973012831119954,0.0,0.10053955557089103,0.0,0.1315445604613998,0.26711278344878514,0.11462925337784485,0.11055796151183536,0.0,0.045659697757816815,0.06707376084141227,0.0,0.0,0.1099141981826022,0.06390017879890346,0.0780964718553139,0.0,0.0,0.05987411038368394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474550797285017,0.06784650378726538,0.0,0.04613426780671218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379489248300336,0.06421233568298332,0.0,0.11088290211234096,0.06237148799605019,0.08374176522680034,0.0,0.0,0.08171260186278335,0.06288253874870949,0.0,0.0
bpd,altaccount888111,2019/06/26,"Constantly Searching for a Partner My friend thinks she has BPD. I think I agree. This is something I can’t bring up with her because it’s hard not to sound judgemental. 

Basically she cannot take a break. For all I’ve known her she’s constantly rushing into relationships, ending them, crying over it and getting hurt. She has unprotected sex with strangers. It can be hard keeping up with this as her friend because she gets offended if she’s told it’s wrong, and it’s chaotic in how she just can’t stay single for a while and is causing her own stress. 

She thinks she has BPD and I was wondering if this compulsive search for a partner is a trait.",3.0377083333333315,5.3122831875,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,76.5,7.079166666666668,27.072916666666664,8.07648339933343,1.7400291666666663,520,21,104,9,12,164,74,128,0.17600000000000002,0.755,0.069,-0.9001,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,1,5,0,12,1,0,2,1,21,22,9,0,2,4,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,8,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,3,19,2,14,19,3,13,0,1,0,1,20,5,0,3,4,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344315879211464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42033044291238897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142006824464515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36065145602658943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329737499000096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779609346176903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578446080172881,0.0,0.17436396333653745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29896306568861913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786363396354738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832052206820984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915447979781535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128463638192577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785977687690013,0.0,0.0,0.1911474732341617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254644567225512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207680765757246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945014478049155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096193131706007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244467181554105,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kate8228,2019/06/26,"Don't have a title So im 22f.
Unsurprisingly when I was around 16 I drove away the only group (3 dudes) of friends I've had since. I had meaningful or semi fulfilling relationships after that lasting between 6 months to 2 years and with only one person at a time. Also unsurprisingly most of them had romantic or sexual complications some were the reason the relationships ended and some weren't.
Two days ago I facebooked msged one of the guys from the old old group I had. He was the only make friend I had that was never interested in a bf/gf relationship with me, nor was never into me that way. I called him my brother and when I was 14 we would sleep every Saturday morning in bed together and I called him brother (bed story is just to explain how close we were).
Texted him saying I'm sorry that my problems ended our relationship and that I've never had such a relationship since. He wrote that he is happy he got to know me, is glad to know I care and had no ill intentions, and wishes me the best of luck.
Obviously not what I wanted.
I have been feeling extremely lonely for years. I do have a significant other and we have been together for 2.5 years but I don't think it is healthy for people to only have one person in their lives that they care about and vice versa.
The people I hang out with are his friends and they kinda integrated me into their group to some degree which is nice but that is not what friendship is to me.
I haven't felt this way in years. I know I'm triggered by my old friends' ""rejection"", but still.
I haven't harmed myself in a very long time and now seems like a good time to just bang one out. I haven't had genuine suicidal thoughts in years but today felt like a good way to go.
I can't stop bursting into tears every few hours.
I don't know what to do.",3.975562619198982,5.081066909090914,5.230757575757576,82.42767482517485,71.36914600550965,8.119050646323371,24.98082220809493,8.502166056373571,1.5022066963339693,1420,40,290,23,26,473,174,363,0.042,0.7759999999999999,0.182,0.9942,0,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,4,0,5,1,12,20,0,0,16,0,41,2,1,5,4,67,63,23,1,4,10,2,3,2,4,1,1,1,2,3,15,24,0,1,13,0,0,3,15,4,0,5,24,4,44,16,39,38,6,51,0,2,0,0,39,15,0,9,32,200,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721370072305633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507824615519618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724439947990863,0.0,0.0,0.07645764928230367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540156957095607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619281113037118,0.0,0.1659413259208256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248231079462418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441541475238382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712955848259742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041147344635116566,0.0,0.1562719774179429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514908803862609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462491981094713,0.1365126170284554,0.0650857096111739,0.0,0.0,0.08057737200541731,0.0,0.08662877886131316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014129348844716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790259483437958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889367663800396,0.06633422590995328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951471353302578,0.0,0.0718585839759533,0.07201728895023278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432068810176405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495543161953755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829202722589136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561787027091128,0.0,0.22057633490567988,0.2475676433664765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128350185112684,0.1421128924089852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786810140599228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367050899519247,0.0,0.4368495253396403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471533921865491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408380379822564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463404286754535,0.0,0.08143713181029963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109641296546467,0.0,0.0,0.06498886447963897,0.06803595395451068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901471905358183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214396802668303,0.0,0.06460532884563185,0.14235713075863005,0.0,0.07713717121973931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949483428199029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714567072951473,0.047999065953653684,0.19378306612081933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358109938603608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780885303028036,0.0,0.0,0.2620249830138658
bpd,r_r_eddit,2019/06/26,"I haven't attempted suicide in two years and that's huge. (kind of obvious TW but thought I'd add it anyway) TW: Suicide. So I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts, and even planned it and went to carry it out on various occasions. But every time I used the skills I learned from the community mental health team, got help, spoke to someone and pulled myself out of it. I've never been able to do that in the past, so I guess I am making progress. I think I'll be alright. 
Just didn't have anyone to share it with, so I thought I'd post it here.",4.354633540372666,4.332631817391306,5.284968944099379,86.43304347826088,69.95652173913044,8.6583850931677,30.341614906832298,8.418075326091056,1.9562049689440988,429,16,96,6,7,141,75,115,0.10400000000000001,0.758,0.13699999999999998,-0.0013,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,4,1,9,1,0,2,2,22,19,9,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,1,8,3,14,9,2,13,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,4,60,16,2,0.17502834512391088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238388852236573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156045712227059,0.0,0.1474689296775203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998615673920908,0.0,0.192813455024098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604694617231016,0.0,0.0,0.11731781029738693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822650873591408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488028399514963,0.0,0.0,0.1168327794875844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638740477878365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349926499147716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670843602908368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676287723253679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830094883504147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5743578039468173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215109622058099,0.0,0.4168588655175446,0.10206043558241867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709772605728134,0.0,0.0,0.1511682933147344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225302946381853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271251573009022
bpd,extracelestial_being,2019/06/26,"feeling like an amorphous blob I feel like I've teetering between barely keeping it together and full on breakdown. The past few days have been tough. Yesterday I had the thought that I was like a balloon, completely filled up, holding my breath and all it would take is someone to gently poke me and I would just deflate.

I've been waiting to hear back about a full time job that I've interviewed for, and I'm losing hope. I was trying to stay positive, since the woman who interviewed me said she would get back to me within the month of June. June is almost over, and no word. I will be calling today because I can't take it anymore. 

I worked so hard to get here. I went to school for 7 years and I just really want to get started on my career. I'm 27 and I can't help but feel like I'm running out of time. I try to remind myself that we all move at a different pace, and the whole ""flowers don't bloom year round"" thing. But it's so hard to not feel totally inadequate. I'm dealing with imposter syndrome too as it feels like I'm not really cut out for this (graphic design). 

All of this is just surfacing for me right now and I've been struggling so much more with my depression and anxiety these past several days. I've had several moments where I just don't even feel like a person. I currently work in customer service, and yesterday it felt like it took every ounce of my being to just be a person. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I lack motivation and purpose, I feel stuck. I just want to be happy, and have some kind of drive and purpose to get me through each day. The job I have now doesn't quite do that for me.

Not to mention we live in a society that values productivity and ""success"" so much but really I just want to make art and have that be enough. But I can't live off of my art alone. I have always wanted to be some kind of freelance artist, but I don't know where to start and I struggle with following through sometimes. Like I really want to do the thing, but my own self doubts stand in the way a lot of the time.

​

I don't know, just a lot on my mind, this doesn't even cover it. No one else to talk to who would understand and listen, so here I am.",3.3550874382592433,4.4023735022026464,4.486467761313578,87.40057602456281,72.78854625550662,7.793779201708717,26.753170471232142,8.199878495009871,1.5395618208516888,1726,59,372,26,33,566,206,454,0.085,0.7859999999999999,0.13,0.9604,5,1,0,0,0,1,50.0,2,0,0,6,26,21,1,3,19,0,38,1,1,2,4,85,82,30,0,11,18,0,12,9,0,5,0,3,0,4,22,26,0,3,14,3,0,9,14,7,0,1,13,15,44,14,54,58,19,55,0,2,1,0,19,19,0,7,33,251,66,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378743746862372,0.07631807909572291,0.0,0.0,0.06131394482600954,0.07984042995047415,0.08953843910395287,0.0,0.0,0.05637077427845566,0.0,0.07307824945005204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332235542054245,0.0,0.04491924671231511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524322760584805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725999451242269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256712175003727,0.0759686287372239,0.06346697908743805,0.0,0.0,0.0769878064551253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061556492885506776,0.0,0.0,0.0761389373710872,0.0,0.09733986400247824,0.0,0.062084939235436835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980691159092429,0.3158544038943441,0.07075160402726598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539948147355362,0.0,0.04187833295880701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844176749576963,0.13201914269586792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305122462235527,0.0,0.0493912116910012,0.0,0.0,0.07318836402867254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462470469701688,0.06549688043419752,0.0,0.15346848855795026,0.08099350108447888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32400013471806005,0.0,0.13013491384522374,0.0,0.0,0.08243752022663545,0.0,0.12529304032586813,0.0,0.0,0.04918701201029724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440341983133253,0.0,0.05881669961946742,0.07831820435622687,0.10833765611944042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993259112378903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068620933958992,0.0,0.12868225329995098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837578011090296,0.0,0.0,0.18882452636765265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292876532382798,0.07009373460290219,0.0,0.0,0.07457573488178681,0.0,0.0,0.07687218560772326,0.16649191499578395,0.0,0.06095510306418385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624352222336954,0.0,0.0728788714203945,0.0,0.10431285472285837,0.07854112416623032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406845368648567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080773457525177,0.059227261686520434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979094682800446,0.0,0.0,0.05849968394925579,0.12890340945715667,0.0,0.06984718161371116,0.0,0.0818695796863182,0.1000580193351297,0.0,0.0,0.0767113385806135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731413169163646,0.05848974754529681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830909736074585,0.0,0.0822695183621744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729082844798128,0.0,0.0,0.20938208610134068,0.0,0.08953843910395287,0.09490473288818596
bpd,moonagexdaydream,2019/06/26,"26 JUNE 2019 // Diary Entry I’m anxious, I’m anxious, I’m anxious, I’m anxious. 

Life is out of my control, people can and WILL leave me at any time without warning. I can’t be alone. I would rather be dead than alone. I refuse to exist alone. I need to feel wanted. I have no reason to exist if I’m not wanted. B will leave eventually and I don’t know how to cope with that. I can’t be alone. I don’t know how to be alone. I don’t like me enough to exist with only myself. I can’t stand my own company.  I don’t want to exist with only my own head and my own thoughts. That’s when bad things happen. 

I WILL die on my own. 

I feel scared. I feel like I’m going to die soon. I feel heavy. 

I feel anxious. I feel anxious, I feel anxious, I feel anxious.

I feel paranoid. I feel like I need to keep looking behind me because someone is there. Watching me. Making sure I do things the way they should be done. If I do something wrong, I will die. If I’m wrong then I need to die. But I’m always wrong, I can’t get things right. So it’s always watching me now. It knows I should die. I deserve to die. If I can’t exist right then I need to die. It will keep reminding me that I’m wrong. It’s a sinister type of feeling. I feel watched all the time. 

It won’t stop hovering behind me until I die. Or until I figure out how to eat things right. But I can’t get things right. I feel trapped. 

I feel anxious. I feel anxious. I feel anxious. I feel anxious.",-1.6462695035461008,0.29873279047619405,1.0339885173927712,99.58662613981764,98.87301587301589,3.3157716987504227,16.860857818304627,4.9923923846348695,-0.8494836203985141,1099,32,262,5,47,374,115,315,0.32799999999999996,0.627,0.045,-0.9978,0,6,1,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,0,1,3,0,31,3,1,6,2,62,76,19,9,15,10,0,17,3,0,9,1,0,0,0,13,8,1,5,23,0,0,1,14,6,0,0,2,21,54,4,28,60,6,22,0,0,4,0,2,8,0,5,14,158,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448916148545837,0.0,0.0,0.07869836945300067,0.0,0.0,0.03215891677638201,0.0,0.0,0.6410927697340533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039485291501599934,0.02882763034859138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303991305410466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926375924837704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839423189814422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838961910863122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886335596243414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064923658880187,0.06756817077956108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049414292532857264,0.0,0.02687607630385169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181851453078561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853332673763793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406729837814865,0.0,0.0,0.07796827242635396,0.0,0.0,0.10014685998262468,0.0,0.0,0.033402424343204486,0.06931072090593288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971180718545887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031566535593657415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026015808289186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193256473045287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032785028619061976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862213997341473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154208432450995,0.0,0.0,0.04734567986618735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040068782070463216,0.03640626007812786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395366744642499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445703971949245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708733815600925,0.0,0.0,0.03754308871649496,0.055150521739645214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367884926548534,0.03753671187357597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558600730589996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03359355856078698,0.2068173769772332,0.0,0.0
bpd,the-dumbest-bitch,2019/06/26,"I suck at my birthday I always get super depressed around my birthday and with everything that’s been going wrong, I’m really not looking forward to tomorrow. I think I always secretly hope people will make me feel loved and special, and I anticipate being disappointed because I have this secret hope and feel stupid for wishing for it, and it never turns out that way. I could speculate all day long where this stems from, but once June rules around I just start dying because I know it’s gonna make me acknowledge that I don’t think anybody in my life loves me. And there’s like ten insanely solid reasons it makes sense for me to fall apart right now, so it’s just the icing on the birthday cake made of fucking shit. I’m rotting so hard and I’m so scared to tell my husband I need him so I’m just chain smoking outside listening to music somewhat trying to collect myself but also somewhat hoping he comes out here to check on me.

Does anyone have any advice for coping with their birthday that also struggles with it?",6.364380234505857,6.761758130653268,6.4724748743718585,78.19487646566164,65.68341708542711,8.643383584589614,32.16122278056952,8.344100000000001,2.4750197654941366,824,31,147,10,12,263,125,199,0.125,0.754,0.121,-0.4292,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,15,17,4,2,2,0,7,5,1,5,2,44,37,15,1,6,6,1,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,15,0,0,9,0,1,4,3,9,0,1,2,5,23,8,23,31,3,23,0,2,1,3,10,12,3,5,9,95,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090032208396932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424924292129294,0.22292436388630046,0.0,0.0,0.09109472172646252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366519937113936,0.0,0.0,0.2384986067830447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331675490804248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539129375496518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695302246793346,0.0,0.0,0.08639058378811605,0.0,0.11537616753416345,0.0,0.13902525260476606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172258603136594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039107894142947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546442870128506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384022896018132,0.0699865181854715,0.0,0.07613032208213517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199983278265872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39914581115117936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361875328450031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461713439204203,0.06544416983413906,0.0,0.0,0.11854690734931085,0.11248936181429728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418011678701353,0.12675247315925667,0.2682501524321745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993267291830416,0.10331517996827487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265884360057351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286827288414523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581568912685733,0.13772915118447682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143977525811858,0.0,0.0,0.13411339574497125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750398172564546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481479641476648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003997023217246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708351027451888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166728258144573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094737899878587,0.14570573862922265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632809389777273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404287054222987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645993469666796,0.0,0.0
bpd,jpkindafityoungmom,2019/06/26,"I’m kind of being diagnosed BPD Idk why I couldn’t find this group forever , but I just did, and just looked up “FP” and sooooooooo much makes sense now. 
Gah. If I do not get a diagnosis soon it’s going to be rough. 

I’m just so glad other people experience the obsession in this way that I have for so many gah damn years. 

Anyway... I took the 567 question personality disorder test today.. we’ll see... either way, I finally have a cool psychiatrist it seems like, so.. anyone on risperdal? Anybody able to avoid the weight gain?

Thanks.",1.41,4.020190000000003,3.0742307692307698,87.27076923076925,86.5,6.661538461538463,20.5,7.882392219407189,1.085773076923077,416,13,85,9,13,137,82,104,0.126,0.6990000000000001,0.175,0.8278,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,9,8,1,2,5,1,8,2,0,1,0,15,18,7,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,5,7,5,7,12,2,12,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,3,6,48,13,1,0.19911258145051947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922414654831738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25077532607057945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020950788853645,0.0,0.0,0.228200268647364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947703113674718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181181004329524,0.18198529221721768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402810573916184,0.0,0.1131602685895704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734511331116487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972763497317511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720442063336968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290919425275566,0.20186890563540488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637065755338546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803959336572205,0.17385742599230247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230516602795572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866694822324018,0.18126461600698407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331611338064896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873544559203528,0.0,0.2212214042935227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160925984552609,0.0,0.24246548296497875,0.0,0.0,0.17966813477820215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822197429172086
bpd,bennyboh,2019/06/26,"Weed and cognitive dissonance Has anyone noticed that when they're super high and their inhibitions are lowered, that they fawn for narcs of the past? I really struggle to keep my progress in terms of boundaries and justfiying going no contact with friends, family and exes. I will often reach out to them and say something massively cringey, look at it the next day and be utterly ashamed of myself. Happens when I'm drunk sometimes too.",7.866923076923079,9.138818512820514,6.9837435897435896,72.77792307692309,62.589743589743605,10.342564102564104,38.67692307692308,10.355215969177356,4.36332,356,18,56,8,5,109,64,78,0.156,0.721,0.12300000000000001,-0.2467,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,2,4,4,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,9,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,2,10,7,1,11,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,6,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928055188816712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177831056204323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599454232233259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130379179560861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671077785798845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438381208214466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913370173526502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450925420123779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155419428868934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29325520328729865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139345849692281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632273510168752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766476618998163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928144838952607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227999471507725,0.2727163146855999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882658586760808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GmrsAnonymous,2019/06/26,"Gamers Anonymous is a community run mental health support Discord server that is dedicated to giving everyone a place to be themselves, make friends, and feel like they belong. Details and invite are inside. Gamers Anonymous is a community run mental  health support Discord server that is dedicated to giving everyone a  place to be themselves, make friends, and feel like they belong.

If  you or someone you know could use a few more friendly people in your  lives and would like to play some games, or are just in need of some  support and companionship,

i highly  recommend that you check us out. Its an 18 and over server that welcomes  everyone. Here's some general information about the server:

⟣ Aesthetic earn-able and purchasable roles!

⟣ Rewarding leveling up system with separate role ranks.

⟣ A diverse, non judgmental, no-shame, welcoming community.

⟣ Assignable gaming roles to look for others to play with.

⟣ Assignable mental health roles for more accurate support.

⟣ Tons of custom and great emojis!

⟣ Access to a large amount of mental health resources!

⟣ Support channels for one-on-one or group support!

⟣ Frequent quests, prompts and games to participate in.

⟣ Channels with access by role for extra privacy and comfort!

⟣ Updates on important or new gaming news!

⟣ Cool place to hang out and talk about games and life :\]

​

 [https://discord.gg/5Uqgcfw](https://discord.gg/5Uqgcfw)",8.310232790988735,10.557351442553193,7.32543178973717,67.16411764705884,62.23404255319149,9.784730913642054,36.3767209011264,10.056822442137396,4.1935707133917415,1139,53,160,25,17,349,125,235,0.021,0.696,0.284,0.9961,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,1,4,2,2,4,20,0,0,9,1,10,5,0,3,0,38,26,17,0,4,6,0,2,3,3,1,5,0,0,0,6,17,0,0,4,9,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,20,31,22,9,20,0,0,1,0,28,13,0,8,6,91,14,2,0.08715728112730564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443487768750823,0.10590563640948902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958799692764134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498475514811035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813868024249631,0.12453035810439073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020124975879177,0.0,0.0,0.1672184118296408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609121013508644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705764567204729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208645277778676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789936234775001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156176520724059,0.12774193522344413,0.0,0.07696147603082354,0.0,0.07319016502476693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635632387971208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513361590601044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462601958999799,0.0,0.08417704522414679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906002934002703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060423884608542415,0.0,0.2731824248890886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384808146309843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5934302985765384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005372111099689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483947780316992,0.07527590704602619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191403184827787,0.0,0.10590563640948902,0.0
bpd,subiegyal,2019/06/26,"How to be a good partner to someone with BPD? Hey guys, I’m new to this community because I think my SO might have BPD after some extensive research. I’m trying to convince him to go to the therapist soon, and while I know this may not be a full solution, I want him to feel like himself. 

He very rarely shifts into his dissociated, almost ungrounded self where he wants to be alone (mostly after a trigger). I worry though, because each time he does he basically blacks out when doing or saying and engages in risky behavior like driving recklessly. He fears losing me but I’m just trying to get a better understanding so I can take care of him as the person who loves him.  Please give me tips since as he says I “ cannot understand the emptiness and nothingness that he feels”. 

The first time I witnessed an episode, I was his light. I want to know how to be that light as much as possible.

To add, there are times where he wants his space and I’m willing to give, but at the same time I know that I am beneficial at times. He says things that could hurt me but I know that he’s not feeling well. He never remembers what he says or does but I understand the pattern and just want to be better and the least toxic when he feels down.",4.829451219512193,5.459598398373989,5.5160060975609735,82.90010670731708,69.08130081300814,8.751626016260163,28.383130081300806,8.841846274778883,1.996147154471545,970,32,199,16,16,315,134,246,0.07200000000000001,0.774,0.155,0.97,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,14,13,0,1,12,0,16,1,0,3,1,50,44,24,0,6,10,0,4,2,1,3,0,4,0,4,10,11,0,0,13,0,0,2,5,3,1,1,1,11,25,10,28,34,7,26,0,2,1,1,34,10,0,7,16,130,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290100652754157,0.10643013803722072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528516662803682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176875952764815,0.0,0.0,0.25884954742039873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477240987584882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820468619328864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985492610089265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563549080203928,0.2078376285589121,0.07341298463058205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740905621301406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368875102569856,0.19715678786226712,0.05840184672342349,0.08619164505985856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175024695775103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000853363627762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22590058876421515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040835953568028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496406567259496,0.0,0.0,0.0927464534319252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901393274534152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554167919346381,0.0,0.07925616416282047,0.09924789780348688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972755960272806,0.0,0.11280149647262508,0.0,0.11584838538598315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640898281182473,0.0,0.0,0.3268809385845974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720287279755912,0.0,0.0,0.08500554665503471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870696615985603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726401546115885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931426318768867,0.06827031253712483,0.06584555306315235,0.1009628562263891,0.0,0.29960589121541514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953690836756874,0.0,0.0,0.3209356859171352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847891710642118,0.30305758881024875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239511655444477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435950250758358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tipsylark,2019/06/26,"How do you manage when things change?     I have BPD. I have been managing my disorder. I have emotional ups and downs, my skin is thin, each of my emotions may be felt 100%, I'm impulsive, and I'm terrified of being abandoned. I've managed. When my emotions start to take over I usually manage to shut my mouth and if I have to I run away and hide. It's my way of protecting others from feeling like they need to walk on eggshells. When words and deeds cut me open and I feel like I'm bleeding I may not hide my sadness completely but I cry when I'm alone so no one else needs to feel helpless. When I feel a driving need to do something it's best to pause and evaluate why and so I change my mind often once I've had time to consider ramifications or my reasons. My fear of being abandoned is easier to manage by keeping everyone from getting too close, if they do they can hurt me without meaning to or worse, on purpose. I choose my friends with care giving only so much of myself. Its been a lonely life. 
    Only one person has been granted access beyond that point. One person in 35 years. What do I do now? It's all new. How do I manage my emotions when I can't hide anything from him? How could I hold back myself when I don't want that from him? I'm not going to let my BPD manage my life. So, how do I manage now? What works for you?",1.7840287769784169,3.5773353597122286,3.4755769784172683,89.95035827338131,78.49640287769785,6.318503597122303,23.35021582733813,7.24861992348623,0.8405589640287774,1042,34,224,13,25,347,145,278,0.16699999999999998,0.728,0.105,-0.9572,0,3,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,3,2,21,13,1,1,2,0,28,5,2,5,1,47,50,28,0,7,8,0,7,2,1,2,3,0,0,2,10,12,0,5,8,0,0,4,6,8,0,3,5,7,43,5,32,38,4,33,0,6,0,0,11,13,0,7,17,158,53,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102614106919866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760826968163246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002354290639977,0.08186187938467103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172417198852487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681676147556442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854400762376193,0.0,0.2252430834955392,0.0,0.11162225367740272,0.0,0.0,0.08500038528942748,0.0,0.11694232637887915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201344264733913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893444152720552,0.4790168425814965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172797549935976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979813779283195,0.2153193685774271,0.15211141125545208,0.10221918267862153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225144606527164,0.0,0.05562143896040138,0.10212701946131007,0.0605041967012186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396862139416596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946273611465114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886350809644756,0.15039299858433455,0.1040228601770721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596715670686385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749518499569548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826102894839694,0.2368182793327361,0.0,0.10282062413749313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337740992432956,0.2164220327103476,0.16193666056271502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591514550673904,0.0,0.0,0.10063998472278347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945956127398196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195882077500616,0.0,0.0,0.07535359020648627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004536588588744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072790759788039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207822112471295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725166748571222,0.0,0.06279341148922303,0.08450372640110143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960644252886062,0.0,0.0,0.1026245320067082,0.0,0.07750482087048055,0.0,0.10849277712413538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855734482305656
bpd,Tangerine117,2019/06/26,"Why won’t I help myself? I feel like my life is completely fucked. I can’t trust anyone, not even myself. As I am writing this this is the first time I feel like myself but throughout the day as soon as I woke up I have been feeling like a different person. Last night I self harmed.. I am scared of myself. Nothing is helping. I won’t help myself. I don’t know why I wallow in my misery.",0.3572628726287235,2.463461609756098,2.3535772357723594,94.41649051490515,85.34146341463416,4.620054200542006,17.647696476964764,5.82211442006289,-0.4044271002710027,300,7,66,2,9,100,50,82,0.16699999999999998,0.6409999999999999,0.192,-0.2255,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,1,3,0,11,2,0,0,0,7,17,4,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,3,19,4,6,13,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,9,46,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234720512892545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845382191867392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206830701880066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977546662871964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501598115716722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28711312184308185,0.40565957853257617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099931586457836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498396731600147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38060608693276937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040219452656357,0.15428639729522112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369227181673124,0.27741422730158044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762407980889802,0.0,0.1816168334430122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526978251581398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949976316033496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974576768917762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036921253817948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34158694562900194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alreadydecided1,2019/06/26,I love my girlfriend and I want every guy she’s ever talked to to burn in a blazing fire.,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.4700000000000024,95.165,84.0,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.5219999999999998,70,2,16,0,2,24,18,20,0.115,0.622,0.263,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353555470892307,0.4055086891574022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765540684186155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343842008829119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386843726427855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838780862568869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bluecactapus4,2019/06/26,"Anyone here struggling with body image issues? How do you overcome it? Hi! Ive been diagnosed with BPD last year, then I started therapy and medication and so far it's going well. The only problem is my medication (paroxetine) made me gain weight (20lbs) in a few months. It triggered my body image issues that i've been secretly dealing with since I was 14. Told my doctor about it and she changed it recently to fluoxetine. 

I just started some lifestyle changes (keto, exercise, intermittent fasting) and i'm afraid i might go overboard with it because I used to struggle with bulimia. I never really am happy with the way i look, skinny or not, and I dont know where to draw the line. How do you overcome body image issues?",4.150269607843138,6.448217801470591,5.402058823529411,76.51843137254905,73.19117647058823,8.062745098039215,30.450980392156865,8.841846274778883,2.8745656862745093,575,26,97,12,12,191,92,136,0.08900000000000001,0.87,0.040999999999999995,-0.7458,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,1,8,6,0,3,4,0,10,10,4,5,1,25,20,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,2,1,0,2,3,4,1,0,5,2,16,2,11,14,2,15,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,3,9,65,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027149551550318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869970814811789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43021144291059976,0.16260012565365412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27314673110221505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309904656956578,0.0,0.13103635726704999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214191695980754,0.0,0.0,0.151307211626503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467438936674882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743205107771986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042485195878284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095137790339669,0.10523579857973672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084136156089797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215994189086612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601144471047033,0.0,0.13695738964227874,0.0,0.0,0.10304841316536484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957183530069157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818829682108883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353369204113905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270639093479445,0.0,0.1274731800459532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679495255147556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275888007122967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699320052629912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764000223081492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233630064820465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150314046079253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247558448503448,0.0,0.15721210939900654,0.11607868517642853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313780090759645
bpd,bpdhmp08,2019/06/26,"Im so lost The world is so big and yet somehow I still feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I am so lost and confused. I am surrounded by people but yet my world still feels cold and lonely. I don’t crave the touch of anyone or care to make any connections with people, I guess I am just so disconnected I can't even connect back to reality.  This pain of not feeling anything is worse than feeling any kind of physical pain itself.",3.0534415584415577,4.563268500000003,4.465129870129871,85.44090909090913,74.22727272727273,7.301298701298702,26.20779220779221,7.957251820313856,1.4938746753246748,340,12,70,5,7,113,58,88,0.259,0.6779999999999999,0.063,-0.9496,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,12,9,0,1,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,16,17,9,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,6,9,3,8,15,0,9,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,4,6,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541387234127148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065495862568655,0.0,0.15376762464192315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436817184889974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905134558880568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341747473796398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779226318002628,0.13349088205188786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205844366385248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183793314289292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458310840861776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128903113835148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079536004496646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472868899965253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397658652245844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908662839094243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984489390464188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042353752458016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LastBlankSpace,2019/06/26,"Anyone else feel like they aren’t worthy to have friends?? Lately I’ve been having issues trusting what my best friends tell me because for some reason my mind won’t let me accept what they tell me as the truth. I’ve been impatient, snarky, rude, and all kinds of jerky to them. I have apologized for my behavior, and while they’ve accepted it and forgiven me I still feel like such an ass for what I did.

My emotions got the better of me and I unfairly lashed out at the people I love the most in my life. I don’t feel like I deserve to have them at all, despite what they tell me. I always feel like I’m not good enough for them. Who’d want to be friends with me anyway? I’m not worth the time or effort.",3.5688513513513564,4.170039263513516,4.294162162162163,90.63597297297301,71.9054054054054,7.541621621621622,24.259459459459467,7.554174236665415,0.8490870270270272,553,14,125,6,10,177,84,148,0.075,0.633,0.293,0.9874,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,6,3,3,17,1,0,6,0,13,3,1,1,3,23,22,7,0,1,3,0,4,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,7,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,4,4,26,16,16,14,6,8,0,0,0,2,15,4,1,3,8,83,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153740106562327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213172489004294,0.1496603857857756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903958991274105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532857267945299,0.12918221879642355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220181833879556,0.164302951534667,0.0,0.1509237188088205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954184874936477,0.4173941558578467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385473116232501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251200898857112,0.11682115857832498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245343451248752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210374489630227,0.0,0.0,0.16476716703851094,0.0,0.0,0.14936089176548198,0.10316970661987183,0.2854390315307234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182895312670992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474835504770626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126276312757694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017867759374426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166473330099142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830005468670007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517140985560867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615265207803152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gabbikatt,2019/06/26,Anyone willing to share ? What happened that made you seek help or when did you realize that you may be suffering from BPD ?,4.388695652173912,6.679667217391309,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,72.47826086956522,8.078260869565218,28.89130434782609,8.841846274778883,2.4269304347826086,98,4,18,2,2,30,20,23,0.109,0.705,0.185,0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411145507410707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6144272729287207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314022312224475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269941218300629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616134191495877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Megman89,2019/06/26,"How do I do this? How in the world do I learn how to balance my expectations in a relationship? I’m very selfish now when it comes to my needs and I’ve turned into a person who makes my SO feel like he never does anything right. It’s not my intention but I’ve gone through so much throughout my life and I’ve been walked over so much that I am unwavering over the smallest of things. 
Idk how to change the way I act now. Do I lower my standards or expectations? I don’t want to be so demanding that it turns abusive, but I can’t risk getting walked all over again. Please help 🙏🏻",1.6606651884700625,3.399454756097562,3.257087952697709,91.6269179600887,78.67479674796748,6.423946784922395,23.376940133037692,7.348242739294969,0.728746341463415,457,15,105,6,11,151,77,123,0.151,0.768,0.081,-0.8637,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,6,2,23,19,14,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,2,1,13,1,12,16,3,19,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,6,69,21,1,0.0,0.25631940398597125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802374709737304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288517846395113,0.18635185058475254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931459467149053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093845391425144,0.15454844335113296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302514041952895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500354824162456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280249936728502,0.10568944815258116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440405539182116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318059509124413,0.1604082872586208,0.16684945938355372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888937594906183,0.0,0.2374688316412657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322608393209496,0.0,0.1847473254048972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372213012182394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706166843407206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849750240978546,0.1275988950239751,0.17171518250827034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Neworleans511,2019/06/26,Triggered by idiots When will I ever stop being triggered by people who say rude or hateful things about BPD and people with BPD? I should seriously be over it by now. Ughhhh,4.051818181818181,6.454265696969702,5.1484848484848476,77.7427272727273,73.84848484848484,6.824242424242425,23.12121212121212,7.793537801064563,1.4299575757575758,140,4,23,2,3,46,27,33,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,8,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7322581838228548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629566734058939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870081187121954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030724374581429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311779610971463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24303995476808404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931295440368775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Monsterfurbies,2019/06/26,"Pharmaceutical withdrawal causes BPD I was wondering if withdrawals could heighten or even cause the development of BPD.

I went off my anti depressants and anti anxiety meds from the start of 2017 to the start of 2018, so a little over a year unmedicated. Mostly this was done out of fear that when I was living on my own I wouldn’t know how to cope without my medication if I wasn’t able to access it. During that time, I began to develop new symptoms and worsened symptoms that had been there from the start. Since it coincided with the usual age people develop BPD, I’m not sure if this is just a coincidence, medication disuse exacerbated my issues, or it almost completely caused my development of BPD symptoms. If anyone has any ideas lemme know. I want to present everything I’m learning to my therapist. 

(NOTE: I am NOT promoting prescription drug abuse and misuse. Do not stop taking your pills cold turkey and consult your GP or psych)",6.392413793103447,7.8408017471264415,7.222471264367819,69.1071551724138,66.01149425287356,10.397701149425288,31.74137931034483,10.504223727775694,3.623020689655173,760,30,127,20,12,253,111,174,0.133,0.8420000000000001,0.025,-0.9583,0,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,6,3,0,1,8,0,13,7,0,4,1,34,25,14,0,7,12,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,9,1,16,1,19,14,2,18,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,10,12,86,24,4,0.10978977931014773,0.13008293552495548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993860487834936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466081478285336,0.0,0.08398888066442224,0.0,0.0,0.07676756643317355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531055346708212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33835303901432645,0.0,0.0,0.11511249476872645,0.0,0.0,0.08765820510350246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456177604329068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235306243148567,0.0,0.0,0.12732128805174592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251511378228323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986719743581239,0.0,0.0,0.12354402509947078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393929718328912,0.0,0.11459200531963068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067518291615725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003820167869237,0.09694638657286153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195169447953072,0.22120330436875466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060356530011585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611440915124361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081923998162886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331293126418465,0.0,0.0,0.09178917156417424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347556769114656,0.3423408553768089,0.0825482505346098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274743958255826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640193032217645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091793092693948,0.0,0.06475685639222138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177622535723772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058334293975713,0.119062332343424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070101827642565
bpd,sarbear1231,2019/06/26,"How I’m feeling pt.2 I asked my friend if I annoyed her when I asked her to hang out and she said yes, now I feel like shit",-2.375689655172416,-0.6202272758620673,-0.14870689655172242,109.04176724137932,97.6206896551724,2.9000000000000004,14.14655172413793,3.1291,-1.8128,95,2,27,0,4,31,23,29,0.182,0.528,0.29,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,6,6,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,2,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,1,3,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6684857970339566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615564826403145,0.25541997074545186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276227296484435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467141803494154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400935257695801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367000078606546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a123l456j,2019/06/26,overwhelm anyone else with bpd get overwhelmed a lot and in minor situations,5.0076923076923086,8.594265538461544,5.098846153846154,70.08365384615385,85.92307692307692,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.681030769230769,64,3,8,1,2,20,13,13,0.132,0.775,0.09300000000000001,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835243061755245,0.41546695786795795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5106937416594367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33873040745286365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184900201355492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447285624241748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557817532757932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crystalballon,2019/06/26,"Bf broke up with me and it is my fault  I can’t stop crying. I can’t survive this. Swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills but my emotions break through and I won’t sleep. He told me he was done. It’s all my fault. I got angry at him for some stupid validation, all because I needed him to show me that he actually loves me. He doesnt. He hung up on me while I was crying. I just wanted him to calm me down, that’s all I wanted. Hours later and I’m still here and I don’t know what to do. I want to end it all.  If I had just been normal this wouldn’t have happened. He cannot leave me I’ll die!!! I don’t know what to do, I feel so stupid. I don’t know how to sleep, my emotions are stronger than my sleeping pills. And I just had a fucking therapy session today! It’s not helping. It just fucked up my entire life. I hate myself.",-1.0046795827123702,0.948625901639346,1.3885171385991055,99.92319299552908,90.53005464480871,3.98301043219076,17.061351217088927,5.238671369647483,-0.8562765027322405,632,16,158,3,22,213,97,183,0.249,0.679,0.07200000000000001,-0.9896,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,5,0,2,0,20,11,4,1,4,30,36,10,1,7,7,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,11,6,1,1,4,1,0,0,10,8,0,0,8,1,33,2,17,26,6,14,0,1,0,3,13,6,2,2,7,106,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.135479069286402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846301139410201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30499875881980115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408470184513875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207235593432052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123324696991905,0.12296309498898687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019714567804204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566941204111826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103586585354326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276783095900645,0.0,0.0,0.13706691059583198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305552027319476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672060988922455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288937279768212,0.0,0.0,0.14700202667853085,0.0,0.0,0.09806046989949103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530043472541194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029414576952962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602494344734636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5557252120138733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087064858698932,0.11606896662326552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587653944984184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315955936724755,0.1326590090402016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456584347085437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheCatInTheStrawHat,2019/06/26,"dyed my hair not due to a mental breakdown for the first time in forever i dyed my hair not in spite of my decaying mental state,but because i genuinely think it looks decent. i’ve been good recently. hopefully my new hair gives me a confidence boost!! stay safe!",4.246764705882352,5.974485000000001,5.115833333333335,81.09375000000003,71.54901960784316,9.805882352941175,28.43627450980393,10.125756701596842,3.0030745098039215,209,8,40,6,4,68,39,51,0.046,0.6459999999999999,0.308,0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,7,3,5,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,6,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740462117325272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428574030660409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27389030136870235,0.0,0.2394749467860135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835790542898689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397592003957203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5754603541189549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757504515502367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819098648084011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30431910877523044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294534586204025,0.0,0.0,0.16648505735273975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JupitersSoul,2019/10/12,I'm having a moment and would love to talk to someone.. Just had an evening with friends but I feel horrible right now and just would like to talk to someone,2.3017708333333324,4.393556468750003,2.5825,95.54583333333336,78.0625,5.5166666666666675,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.7806541666666669,125,5,27,1,3,38,23,32,0.126,0.664,0.21,0.2846,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,19,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338995653062844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570256119928494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379119147398472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504428130163409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779258104825357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629771260706431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218292532550951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49501734169436895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375002351488774,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paranoid_numb,2019/10/12,"I started hearing voices, a therapist I only saw once died in an accident and I tried to asphyxiate myself. This all happened in the span of 6 hours. I woke up today at 8:00 am, I usually wake up at 11 on the weekends so I was proud of myself for that. Then I started to get a really awful headache and my vision was becoming really blurry, so I decided to get a bit more sleep.
After that, things got really weird.
I wasn't asleep, but I wasn't conscious either. Like I could think normally but I couldn't move. Then I started to hear voices. They weren't saying anything specific, they were just murmuring nonsense. I put on some music but the voices got louder. I was feeling really bad. My legs were moving on their own, I was desperate. When I was finally able to talk, I called for my mom. I just told her I had a really bad headache and I couldn't see well. She gave me meds for that, and then she sat down and told me that a therapist I saw only one time died in an accident. When I had the session with him like 2 months ago, I really disliked him because he made a lot of assumptions about me. He told me that he was hoping I gave him a chance to work with me, but I never came back.
When my mom told me he died, I felt guilty. I thought that I had killed him.
My mom left and I tried to sleep again, but the voices got louder. I felt that he was the one doing it, because I killed him. I was frustrated because I couldn't sleep. I started thinking that I brought this on myself, that I deserve to die and everyone will leave me because I'm such a burden.
I just wanted my brain to turn off. I took a pillow and placed it on my head. I pressed it with my arms and just waited. I started feeling weird, I felt weak, my heart was beating really hard and I knew that I would die if I kept going longer. 
I live in a big house and my mom was taking a nap, but she eventually woke up and called me. She came to my room and took the pillow. I couldn't even stand up at first. She was so angry at me.
I finally contacted my current therapist and told him everything, he calmed me and right now I'm feeling a bit better.
I just wanted to get this off my shoulders. Thank you for taking the time to read this shit. 
(Sorry if my spelling is bad, English is my second language)",1.7926636271529863,3.5608814234042576,3.637264437689971,88.9166666666667,78.38297872340425,6.859169199594732,22.67983789260385,7.793537801064563,1.0090688956433636,1759,54,378,28,42,592,196,470,0.23,0.713,0.057999999999999996,-0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,1,57.0,0,1,3,5,18,19,4,0,22,1,30,13,12,1,2,63,85,32,7,12,14,4,8,2,0,2,1,7,3,0,18,20,0,2,12,3,0,9,8,11,1,4,46,18,93,8,44,32,8,64,0,0,3,0,40,26,1,5,30,261,111,3,0.06319964805671377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602267475371714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200792539167153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859662827415235,0.15830719882887928,0.15410367542978967,0.06979904593446845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589495284124025,0.13799529422518714,0.0,0.0,0.0705517086098108,0.12906781362032982,0.14456712159706114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045977637111922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279562837262565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417427714913829,0.0,0.0,0.060389972079607314,0.05679976853654289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586692298328006,0.0,0.1820447194882321,0.1384642505434764,0.0,0.05375758835148557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990576229210625,0.0,0.035917816427091444,0.0,0.15163959584603373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588724005650905,0.0,0.056614470982839886,0.0,0.06486107200509413,0.0,0.14246119314085853,0.07489188724164714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277151066081711,0.06223892273622405,0.07292390851027301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984209353575766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691930198326679,0.06866660253329401,0.0,0.0,0.061752311405959465,0.0,0.055806447105305926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373008073701623,0.0,0.059801035094823936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020056165022137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960746558822048,0.05044535611905577,0.13434244814536309,0.0,0.0,0.048743464716054376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061922236539744074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673055625670202,0.08565143428595351,0.09613236046468608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603018085986415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635331021569203,0.0,0.0,0.06321675077903446,0.0,0.2834111900522584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397215412342332,0.0,0.05025889678283052,0.0,0.0,0.05036193701518325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487353052687038,0.0,0.0,0.1897358702601273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707468317680952,0.22366518090672688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503654009080556,0.05079748314786664,0.0,0.058185744790118725,0.0,0.2201389875188793,0.0419870379226403,0.08099156516960145,0.0,0.05017346108783824,0.07370444603995285,0.0,0.059905876616881966,0.3019498603980366,0.14043426881527327,0.08581682499331113,0.06874306884991188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696054835554466,0.0,0.0745535797405373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056824073575592014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046010096489463165,0.0,0.0,0.04489521669300257,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bradfordranger5,2019/10/12,"I need a question answering My girlfriend has bpd and we've spoke about it a little bit but she's  it very comfortable talking about it so I don't really understand her very well when it comes to her bpd. I've done alot of reading but I understand everyone is different. We can often fall out but I'm never sure if it's me or bpd. 

I also would like to know more about how a favourite person works because most places online or in books really don't go over this I want to understand it more.

And when we do fall out should I just give her space and let her calm down or stay there and try to all to her I just want to know what'll make the situation better.

Thanks for any support it would be appreciated",1.4128571428571417,3.5795181768707534,3.082340136054424,90.41861224489796,81.51700680272108,6.913197278911565,20.6843537414966,8.021203637495839,0.8870974149659858,560,16,123,11,15,185,92,147,0.016,0.769,0.215,0.9842,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,2,13,8,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,2,3,39,28,16,0,7,9,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,8,9,0,0,7,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,2,1,17,8,16,21,6,16,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,8,4,84,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055945019608238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089793566043072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049200623176979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167810405526998,0.14415643302147335,0.0,0.4989094865295308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137430968579605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795652087944038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512552951538306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617246137475308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666739267195873,0.07504291109521795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513443281401647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502261008335506,0.0,0.0645093949985546,0.13234147736579147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813952964553018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790799123928692,0.10183947280271703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152945952196712,0.13795652087944038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479180468606832,0.0,0.1320784357275527,0.0,0.16917987350096345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842153065322927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073995266054154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984049469746233,0.12444868500756315,0.0,0.0,0.10613092306053852,0.0,0.12156718051491824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964832789208088,0.0,0.0,0.4123833319795162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789811737089831,0.1557644147899676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872224777519935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612866047549927,0.0,0.0,0.18759869557952175,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_misspumpkinpie,2019/10/12,"Just keep doing the same shit over and over!! Just keep doing the same thing over and over, always tell myself that’s the last time I’ll flip out, next time I’ll calmly think beforehand etc etc, things will go great for days and then I’ll do it again. All I can think about is how much I’m hurting my SO. He doesn’t even really react anymore just tells me I’m totally right and he’s sorry and then goes back to acting like everything’s ok and I’m sitting there feeling like I just don’t deserve to even be here. When will this stop",0.8678908554572259,3.0155655752212382,2.0754203539823024,96.95495943952804,83.51327433628319,5.18259587020649,16.496312684365787,6.42735559955562,-0.4754005899705018,422,8,96,4,12,134,73,113,0.087,0.777,0.135,0.6792,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,14,7,1,0,3,1,10,1,1,2,2,23,19,11,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,9,16,7,20,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,13,60,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690544814064946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509219175602606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357576278499924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386146588264805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39380440834513664,0.2332219266565269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586735975888894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927002082028722,0.1261288191535318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033859814687884,0.0,0.0,0.19464925741581104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900262009746968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138551466327674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391348410427968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250882640321022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978607042734766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776510715676709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310376352680368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507744852670633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122814127963505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763556443786248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760541852471998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086285455192552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345866728312539,0.22625484840748336,0.0,0.0,0.20589783924790808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Meghandi,2019/10/12,"I don’t want to let my good friend with BPD hurt me anymore I’m at a loss right now as to how to move forward.  I’ve been there for her over, and over, and over again, but it’s become obvious that I’m the only one willing to do any emotional labor in our relationship.  I have been understanding, many, many times when she lashes out, or flakes out on me, and right now it’s just one time too many.  She refuses to go to therapy, (she says she is going to but never does) and she is always a hairs breadth away from destroying her entire life, the brink from which I have pulled her back from numerous times.  As of a week ago I have completely cut contact, but I am having a hard time with it, and don’t know if there is anything more I can do to save the relationship?  If I forgive her this time, it will have to come with the condition that she goes to therapy, but is that fair?  Is that a bit too much like blackmail? How am I supposed to believe her if she tells me she is actually going...she’ll lie about what color bra she is wearing just because.  Does anyone have any advice for me?",4.337633928571428,4.530678924107144,5.2946428571428585,85.60035714285716,70.02678571428572,8.721428571428572,27.160714285714285,8.634040054169528,1.6408696428571434,845,25,187,13,14,278,123,224,0.06,0.846,0.094,0.7764,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,14,9,2,0,9,0,25,3,2,2,2,31,33,18,0,4,10,0,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,11,11,0,1,3,0,0,6,3,4,0,2,2,4,28,5,32,28,3,32,0,2,1,0,23,14,0,4,15,136,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.12016013346281637,0.0,0.0,0.12032423024346503,0.10915005466380724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245659468250498,0.0,0.0,0.16746944692692362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221149382127966,0.08609751936059776,0.0,0.1013280412691382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568759114106765,0.09468174548821423,0.0,0.07506078864941694,0.13599082358564696,0.0,0.13872882635974024,0.0,0.0,0.1344294428482992,0.0,0.15508181609882435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606825389594733,0.12910270192848444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550919329015772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385081527408775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513231971861996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995874504944095,0.1032781936969673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030306263857016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131816519307834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767072593418676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591192682136365,0.08697254278917596,0.06015660797353934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745128796005611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308709877134449,0.09051698886265024,0.0,0.0949678297519646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687633668767335,0.09364826336665673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26439771430094944,0.0,0.2103099717674301,0.0,0.09792037519280733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762374777769622,0.0,0.28162683863552984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35899947430181856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281858889818531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726270866201567,0.0,0.09876993734744197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rambleon4ever,2019/10/12,"Irrational fantasies? Over the past few months I (24m) have become suspicious that I may suffer from BPD. I am a walking contradiction, so many people veiw me as ""cool, calm and collected"", on the outside I seem so well thought out; I mean my nickname at work is GOAT for crying out loud. But in reality I am a impossible fucking hurricane of irrationality and paranoia, sprinkled with plain old crazy. Nothing about the way I am makes sense until you slide the lense of BPD over the veiw of my life, then everything just clicks. I figured this out on my own, somehow. I've always been aware that there was something different about me, and have been blessed with enough insight to finally put the peices together. 
But still I needed confirmation. See, I don't want to be crazy, but I sure a hell don't want to ask for help and I knew that if I didn't make this happen now it might be too late. Sometimes having someone else's input is helpful, a little push off the edge.
I don't know why exactly but I decided to reach out to an old friend, one of the only people I was ever close enough to let see the ugly me, the sick part that I try to shove down and silence. I haven't seen her more than three times in the past seven years but somehow I knew that she would tell me exactly what I needed to hear. I knew she would understand and she did; she told me that she recently sought help for her depression, and she's so glad she did, and that I deserve better for myself. Hearing that was all I needed, it gave the courage to make the call. She said how happy she was to hear from me, that she would love to catch us sometime and I asked her if we could meet for lunch after I get my shit in order and she said that wiuld be great. Hearing that made me amazingly happy, in fact I'm still riding high from it. I have few friends, although the ones I do have are great don't get me wrong, and this is just what I need in my life, I've been isolating more and more lately and suffering the consequences. 
But here's the kicker. When I was 17 she broke my heart. Or more accurately: I became so overly attached and emotionally volatile that I pushed her away and ended the friendship, completely splitting her for years. This almost wouldn't  matter, but during our discussion she revealed that her fiancee left her recently because of her own emotional issues, which is what spurred her to seek help. And unfortunately, hope springs eternal. In my sick little mind, this is beginning to read like some sappy-ass romance novel, a fairytale if you will. This is my moment to prove myself worthy of her, and to be there as we restart our lives hand in hand (this disorder destroyed my marriage irreparably before I left my wife two years ago). I mostly killed the feelings I had for her long ago, otherwise I never would have dreamed of reaching out to her (plus I thought she was still in a committed relationship) but I'm afraid they will return if we attempt to rebuild our friendship. 
What's killing me with this though, is that I don't know how unrealistic I am really being. There is a reason this is starting to read like a romance novel, but also a reason you find those books most often filed under ""fiction"". I guess what I'm looking for is a reality check, I don't want to run away with this and destroy the friendship I need over the love that I want. I'm not sure if anyone else has dealt with the same situation but any input/advice would be wonderful. Thank you.",6.282927161334242,6.242157825958703,6.401209439528023,80.1329782164738,65.8731563421829,9.372725209893352,31.39641479464489,8.986495653885253,2.424392058089403,2738,95,538,41,39,874,319,678,0.113,0.691,0.196,0.9971,1,0,1,0,0,0,76.0,7,4,1,3,29,37,7,1,32,1,61,12,4,8,10,117,115,49,2,22,19,1,3,2,3,10,4,7,0,0,35,33,1,0,20,7,1,8,11,13,1,5,24,16,101,24,75,73,16,75,2,4,5,3,64,31,3,19,36,388,136,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291158526539778,0.11413832370771194,0.0,0.06446746950684171,0.0,0.0,0.05148482180755656,0.05356948288244534,0.0,0.0,0.043780742949171586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501613199131736,0.06596512188213095,0.0,0.0,0.12037359058367685,0.0,0.12097463228301078,0.0,0.0,0.039245571699489536,0.07110287159958582,0.05478280744580335,0.0,0.0,0.05693905413358965,0.0,0.0,0.16216921358021838,0.0,0.06573938122378915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750141367148453,0.0,0.0,0.05140235016432717,0.0,0.07071862544022911,0.0,0.0,0.05545057098304308,0.0,0.0,0.06726360523300329,0.07378528558850747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756279020346754,0.14483811686937778,0.05702174717789656,0.13304391076980024,0.0,0.0,0.05823557574908617,0.0,0.0,0.057860771520168185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032552562976898014,0.0,0.0,0.07052536102548561,0.05884233545713007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099479963950122,0.059518456482613585,0.06727199347040888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419587931583555,0.07092204738600462,0.0,0.056931197276306335,0.13706783776700832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902446527228567,0.07629084568566959,0.1726107610092601,0.06802121486549609,0.0,0.0639440640323145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719620116014384,0.0,0.0,0.14245430274542,0.0,0.07076334726539707,0.0,0.14524733714673926,0.0,0.13989854897697265,0.06583311527632202,0.0909472768761281,0.06290582643490415,0.1290517451837489,0.05684889513651864,0.05697445010770313,0.05406315251608547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162112861722112,0.06091810085572874,0.128922848076471,0.0652714168218832,0.0,0.07012891031388134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682972171239179,0.06500564816634004,0.0,0.051387660546193085,0.0,0.0,0.2386855086622149,0.049653978311945096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177453719669732,0.0,0.135112377679594,0.0,0.08725137790668704,0.04896404235312223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971748161380115,0.12291636925987325,0.08926624740087832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471988183374408,0.0,0.0,0.12879524221018093,0.0,0.041243603970278674,0.13238713397076052,0.12713535907502693,0.06912024001135822,0.0,0.0,0.12248062415922073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026053663959518,0.05860931513553221,0.0,0.0,0.06608534901171212,0.0,0.07236604099824563,0.0,0.0,0.054549133613905385,0.049563022452043,0.1273473258367364,0.0,0.04556863615081516,0.0,0.15424233003592544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135515112664184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627113151854907,0.059272637402842276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325321855191272,0.10222137319139693,0.0375406117156498,0.0,0.0,0.061518039010307723,0.0,0.04370992903192608,0.0,0.06289009952525773,0.06702205755387038,0.0774414523626439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518924373997255,0.051102005242324375,0.0,0.0,0.05788553057020385,0.0,0.05809311581595824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981757944132994,0.04686955157017887,0.0,0.0,0.2286692307338379,0.07038964093398828,0.0,0.12437621192887463
bpd,SadAndHopelesss,2019/10/12,"On a downward spiral and becoming increasingly self-destructive A few days ago my life got turned completely upside down. My husband announced he wanted a divorce, which I assume is mostly due to my sometimes toxic behaviors, and I have never lost control so quickly. I’ve become clingy towards him in an attempt to get him to stay, while at the same time I’m talking to other people. The first night I ended up drinking and relapsing with self-harm, and now I’m living a double life basically. I’m still trying to show my husband that I love him and keeping a sexual relation with him, but then I’m also talking/flirting with several people who are interested in a relationship. I feel like my life is going to blow up and I’m doing all that I can to make sure I don’t end up alone. Sorry for that rant. I just needed to get that off my chest and figured people here would understand.",7.4294926140012825,6.689191011560697,8.276608863198456,69.96028259473347,63.739884393063576,10.694669235709696,35.40719332048812,9.994966539143718,3.567279254977522,707,28,123,13,9,240,112,173,0.044000000000000004,0.871,0.085,0.777,0,1,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,9,0,8,6,1,2,3,27,26,12,0,3,2,2,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,10,1,2,4,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,1,18,4,22,23,6,28,0,1,0,1,12,11,0,2,15,88,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646020492956894,0.0,0.0,0.1477535801980784,0.0,0.11408580229755085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151153239849768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495771504020218,0.0,0.16000623483560802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200442370796807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975328726337455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527102764195107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213359459497788,0.10191691481600428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134721645001803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906877556873965,0.0,0.08107742884395654,0.0,0.1140988861529624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680348733384858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022966580706225,0.06969686818419935,0.0,0.12597211340502593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573113199502872,0.0,0.1287569554823736,0.0,0.0952272018619844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057811867517471,0.11002881536927077,0.0,0.0,0.1338775108674097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967091395660459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531643261031484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976526866444376,0.1611661142820867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109519396646056,0.1596971026971082,0.0,0.15205744727650922,0.11392911122535565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344561299150832,0.0,0.0,0.11466535928578303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318666853562147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685732895446067,0.15517400074994672,0.0,0.14851493972819127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414504496320707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134214991185883,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,awesomesause00,2019/10/12,"Hallucinations on BPD Is there anyone else with BPD who hallucinates when you get tired or at the end of a day? I can see walls and other things wave or pattern. Sometimes I also get delusions that my boyfriend  dont wanna be with me, or have said things he has not said. I have had several pycoses. I can also develop verbal or movement tics if im really tired. My doctors and psychologist say this is perfectly normal. But my boyfriend says it really issent normal, and that my doctors are fucked up for saying it is. My boyfriend thinks I might have schizofrenia and BPD. I dont know what do, or think. I dont want schizofrenia. I feel like im fucked up enough already.",3.65217904233171,5.593246778625957,4.457598889659959,84.31521165857045,73.58015267175573,7.206384455239418,26.412907702984036,8.00094639256281,1.6079557251908394,532,19,103,8,11,171,82,131,0.11900000000000001,0.83,0.051,-0.8451,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,2,0,2,0,17,6,0,0,1,24,29,14,0,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,7,15,2,9,24,1,9,0,0,1,2,8,5,2,7,4,70,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539987994979307,0.18174894237108127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945676115614027,0.11643325852685675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293607613646537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732856602908906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23262201816046696,0.0,0.0,0.3995407710956965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949280908023528,0.0,0.10064754890744122,0.1174161103330004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745765144758515,0.08118140515513565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101088464034763,0.11873998234025712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24549222799770465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624512384067133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551668929853699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054957697589135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267782295939945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559594727138928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216187248205849,0.2711031370635015,0.0,0.0,0.09055298323536418,0.0,0.0,0.12837605655973414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238866607680106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509890908272728,0.14562640513206915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26121516478741913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702531173836639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blabla955,2019/10/12,"I'm tired Tired of my self destructive, impulsive behaviour n my own emotions...",3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428574,4.84,72.83000000000003,86.14285714285714,11.371428571428574,35.57142857142857,10.125756701596842,5.811828571428572,64,4,10,3,2,21,12,14,0.521,0.479,0.0,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070239718704276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774805144701488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8317691672081702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,senorbuttlicker,2019/10/12,"Is it possible for someone to be successful with BPD? Im pretty much ready to give up. I feel like no matter what I do, I'll never be successful and my whole life will be mediocre and isolation. I have no friends, no job my professors dislike me and I have no one to confide in. Is it even possible to be successful with this disorder? I cant even afford therapy",1.3348648648648656,3.645943229729735,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,82.91891891891892,8.564864864864862,28.16891891891892,9.188382445141503,2.9599783783783784,285,14,57,9,8,100,48,74,0.183,0.555,0.263,0.8541,2,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,1,8,13,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,8,5,9,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,45,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761404496910936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512819972814076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896279986228369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086049171215516,0.15663380362129775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939369300728574,0.0,0.0,0.2103266727815325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368299819229895,0.0,0.21757396084604969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486430118458608,0.10711554194798928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117558226999268,0.0,0.16910080029746002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857095375505402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943477870489255,0.0,0.223058293088712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577166348472454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25073397972183603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447872328062289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wackytimesfiction,2019/10/12,"I blacked out during a conversation? I was talking with somebody the other day, seemingly normal conversation.

However apparently all the sudden I had a blank expression on my face and began saying things that had nothing to do with the conversation? Apparently I tried to storm off in anger as well, but then I came back to being aware of my surroundings. 

I have zero recollection of the conversation, but this is very scary to me. 

Any thoughts?",6.557004219409282,8.671890037974682,7.3196835443038,66.03539029535865,66.34177215189875,10.836286919831224,33.41983122362869,10.864195022040775,4.288238818565401,359,16,57,11,6,119,58,79,0.099,0.8809999999999999,0.02,-0.7952,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,6,0,7,1,1,0,1,12,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,6,2,9,1,13,4,1,11,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,5,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736846598297369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457860362116564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655868837588608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061435428694137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31318265511353033,0.3067064531737993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541932529749802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909913369472496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569172487031012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123568648642891,0.0,0.0,0.2537611468480967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701687961131766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637392722033701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873977948995454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nemamo,2019/10/12,"Probably going back to old patterns or just overthinking things Hiii this is my first post here, sorry if it is a bit long :/ So I have BPD for years now and I made great progress, therapy really helped I didn't have any splits and bigger down moments for almost 2 years. Move to another country, have a job that I really like, meet great people and felt free to let them close without bpd attachment. So like happy times. I mean I had down moments but I know how to cope with them and I had really good time stopping them understanding where they are coming from... till recently. Like a month ago I met this guy he also have BPD, and he is like me quiet type, he is great so nice and kind and I really really like him. He said that he like me too, we do not see each other so often but he is just diagnosed like a 6 months ago so he is still learning, he is still a bit random and impulsive, that I found sometimes so triggering. Also he doesn't know I have BPD I just couldn't tell him, tried and  that didn't happened. I have this feeling that I'm going into old patterns and I'm so afraid of that. We supposed to meet today and he cancelled, so I'm panicking a bit. I think I'm making him my FP and I really really do not want that. And I have this urge to push him away because I'm not sure what is happening and am I attracted to him just because I feel like he can understand me or I really like him. It is so hard for me to read him, and myself right now, so I'm just overthinking everything.",2.2549171407370743,3.827094839228298,4.024196141479102,87.51590341330696,76.491961414791,7.8714321048726195,22.250927529062576,8.617729084823388,1.2925898095473656,1169,32,253,24,26,394,147,311,0.06,0.74,0.2,0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,4,2,28,20,0,1,6,0,28,1,0,4,1,58,55,34,0,3,14,0,4,9,0,0,1,2,0,1,16,22,0,1,11,1,1,5,8,1,0,1,9,7,40,20,20,44,4,37,0,0,1,0,31,8,0,6,32,162,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966793964303467,0.0,0.07888707620306827,0.0,0.0,0.1260011318050284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053573295674211485,0.08260799839285671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401667157522937,0.06057717678143309,0.0,0.0960474617345434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25802300376046544,0.0,0.3968840473298447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786224032965826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996033153486308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080264088224246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966735892716255,0.05628065174753514,0.07564142853939858,0.0,0.0,0.06701047065529672,0.0,0.08637851685272213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954530355614188,0.06607716582524398,0.0,0.26056662885745,0.0,0.07800486852661394,0.13933029269564434,0.08386307889569213,0.07057166183973544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052804764795995315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817727742419049,0.0,0.0,0.08203754437731217,0.08659116932637058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055817951621999,0.0,0.3463926136231049,0.0,0.0,0.06971807365259307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454381102770079,0.052586452352509465,0.0,0.0,0.08581482621063911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257633446578734,0.0837309759911951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533331485667685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461633064663485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544973668741972,0.0,0.08493847229180748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880160462750056,0.0,0.4037493457313073,0.0,0.07778602786938706,0.0,0.0,0.06727793342297256,0.07493809207465793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627776878760704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791571682888404,0.08818807985124481,0.0,0.0,0.1258280756311423,0.06586384627867438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424948681711692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885744196405219,0.0,0.09009212231170914,0.0,0.05233812116387783,0.0504792259805136,0.0,0.0,0.0918748360925807,0.0,0.07467449917709079,0.0,0.0,0.05348664262378591,0.0,0.0,0.16402611121497454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046466653552107696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594138400206707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146384197941176
bpd,FairiesInsideMe,2019/10/12,"I just learned that social worker don't want to take me because I am a ""hard case"" I feel guilty all the time that I am so emotional, draining people.
I am so sorry..
I don't know what to do
I am not a bad person but I suck energy
People are kind to me but I am like a black hole
Please help
Give me links to read
I can't take it anymore",-0.14844155844155793,1.2107622077922109,2.492207792207793,96.78688311688316,82.76623376623377,5.43896103896104,17.493506493506494,6.1826913282559595,-0.4938519480519474,258,5,66,2,7,90,48,77,0.10300000000000001,0.637,0.261,0.9249,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,10,17,4,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,13,2,4,17,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,2,42,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370544113483363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958080712615892,0.1457110107006123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26887757628569514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086119903104472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22930020846911894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214124725167857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021736564986938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24891388675428835,0.13136512482927507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677841794449385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314278418423974,0.2087125515222345,0.0,0.2623841353600361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909557312067034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436618884135341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675755093327927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594429599813065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938083300944054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409866108001005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yikesbikedyke,2019/10/12,"Haven’t had an FP for a while Lost all my friends when my acting out got too severe a little over a year ago, including my FPs. I still think about them literally every day and I haven’t tried to find any new FPs because I know the cycle will just repeat. I have some friends again now but whenever I feel that adoration and obsession with them beginning I distance myself. I’m lonely and constantly stressed because I can’t stop thinking about my old FPs. Even with all my new coping mechanisms and things I can do to try to calm down I can’t stop. If I see them around town it throws my whole day into an emotional shit show. It’s so hard to not run after them. I just don’t know how long I can keep going without any FPs. I know I shouldn’t let myself find a new one... but this hurts so much.",2.260378657487095,3.877297240963859,3.4644061962134245,91.34337349397593,76.59036144578313,6.911531841652324,22.098106712564544,7.7094869923839395,0.7467311531841658,626,17,139,9,14,203,103,166,0.18,0.736,0.084,-0.9463,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,1,14,10,1,2,7,0,13,1,1,1,2,32,26,12,0,2,7,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,3,8,1,0,4,8,6,0,1,3,3,26,4,16,20,5,31,0,3,1,0,6,7,1,2,20,93,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237498012207042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986990736359186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427643314016446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020161287953378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086144913283014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006501178181042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703479418241692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220658772842984,0.0,0.1176217052466972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058756545139974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25518956577035623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571415041622224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933970776429937,0.0,0.1116534208433137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505703380178054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944809796195652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408572610170394,0.0,0.0,0.2301667802717048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427537160970956,0.0,0.0,0.13991906745161747,0.0,0.12354442655987258,0.0,0.0,0.15239336864109368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026244046633897,0.0,0.0,0.4044888809033936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649005993047318,0.0,0.09459873179700047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124566476192814,0.0,0.0,0.15771186372052248,0.14330066428420266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148728467774843,0.2334290290369712,0.15991497790076006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274615358182547,0.17890416932702555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895627990095132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586197165930646,0.0,0.13457248955916187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898998747180798
bpd,cuddlystingray,2019/10/12,What have I done I really messed up this time guys. I left my spouse of ten years for my new FP. I moved across the country for him. I thought I truly love him but I've been miserable all the time. I miss my ex so much! I cry constantly! We still talk and they understand how sorry I am. They aren't even mad they just want me to come home! Here's where it gets messed up and twisted.. My new FP (let's call him John) loves me so much. He understands my bpd and would do anything to help me feel better. He proposed and being the people pleaser I am I said yes! I'm supposed to be marrying this guy in two months! It's also terrible because I can't stop acting madly in love with John! Why am I like this? We're completely different people! He's super religious and religion is traumatic for me. He's very controlled and not at all spontaneous. I force myself to fit into his lifestyle and I'm a mess! I'm crying daily and my drinking (that I hide) is completely out of control! I'm self harming for the first time in years. My therapist is very concerned that I'm trying to force myself into a life that isn't me to please someone else. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I got here. I've never done anything like this! I try to be a good person! Sometimes it feels like the only end to this pain is suicide. I don't expect that any of you will know how to help. I just feel lost and needed to reach out somehow,0.4796545454545473,2.62164588666667,2.508787878787878,93.2677272727273,85.13333333333333,5.636363636363638,20.090909090909093,6.980632752743323,0.3687,1106,33,245,15,33,370,158,300,0.162,0.6409999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.8756,1,1,1,0,0,1,33.0,1,1,3,6,14,20,2,1,8,1,25,6,0,5,3,43,50,16,1,4,4,2,3,3,0,2,2,1,1,4,14,16,1,3,9,1,0,3,8,11,0,3,7,4,44,9,30,37,4,31,0,3,0,3,27,14,0,1,17,154,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954768490704785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764433910512245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637138835827966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060637179307275774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797485896045859,0.0,0.0,0.12528144267180472,0.0,0.1015719856838806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568627969442699,0.20858890045653944,0.10749384317641658,0.22313250721013325,0.0,0.0,0.2185305391404973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392701939975776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358868776663394,0.0,0.09744464461017092,0.0,0.0,0.08309605280184237,0.0,0.0881026255526616,0.0,0.0,0.065700286839916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508880247628467,0.0710627831264854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461079243968811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051969989909410916,0.0,0.0,0.08343235479425262,0.07955680778111884,0.0,0.0,0.1969857449335435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334790668650096,0.0,0.09977847934540544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640015519217439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807656802786143,0.10171681141337063,0.07025998216657353,0.14579091519726536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858538721451727,0.0,0.2693319637860632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939756389792788,0.1057229439083716,0.1462466617465214,0.07375719277386547,0.07671890243505254,0.19214126418804495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565290266402043,0.10584517132762944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792265510060342,0.08685507258155052,0.0,0.1091903335699268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372428024170143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462060618811574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377094104651914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428226301124178,0.0,0.09838030504680732,0.11135070753839754,0.0,0.0,0.07943843019009172,0.083163006799803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880617167336404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995178792212179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549460427836986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896961958797645,0.1740086872478621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506985320596945,0.0,0.09716964427900214,0.207107622360841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641495576056593,0.058671135131827576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975796574512418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066202144913535,0.0,0.0,0.12811335288203562
bpd,bpdthrowaway44,2019/10/12,"I had to break up with my boyfriend and I'm so sad about it. He told my sister I have BPD I'm 25, he was my first boyfriend and we were together for a year and a half. I found out about BPD a few months ago, and got it confirmed by my therapist of several years a while after that. I only told 2 people about it because I am ashamed and don't want it to be a part of my identity. I told my mother (which I immediately regretted when her response was to ask if it was a real diagnosis or ""Doctor Google"") and my boyfriend (which i also regret now)

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I'm so sad because I thought my life was sorted out but it's all suddenly gone. Part of me feels like this was my best chance of happiness and now maybe instead I will have a long line of heartbreaks and failed relationships before becoming a cat lady and dying alone.

But I'm just so upset at what he did and he's not sorry so we can't move past it.

He told 2 people he works with that I had borderline personality disorder and had threatened suicide. (Which was very unlike me but yes I did. I was very distressed in a fight and his response to me saying I felt like dying was to tell me he found it difficult to trust me. he then went to bed and wouldnt respond to any of my heartbroken messages. 

i felt really upset because i had never given him reason to not trust me or suspect me of cheating (except for having BPD). it felt like an attack on my character. (he later said the message wasn't accusing me of cheating but something else extremely minor and irrelevant to what we had been talking about). i was also devastated at his timing. it made me feel like he didn't care about me at all for him to respond in such a triggering way and then go to sleep. 

while he slept i cried for hours.

i sent him a series of messages being sad at how he would choose to attack me when i was already feeling so low and questioning why he didn't trust me when i have never done anything untrustworthy. he didn't respond to or see any of them, being fast asleep. at the end of my sad messages i told him to not contact me again and just pretend i had died after he had said such things and then ignored me all night.) 

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When I found out he had told people he works with, I was devastated that more people knew. My privacy is very important to me so having this happen was really upsetting and we had a phone call so he absolutely knew how upset I was. The phone call ended when he hung up on me, after I found out he had asked for financial support on my behalf from one of the people he told (asking if there were any workplace programs in place etc). I said it wasn't his place to tell people something so private about me even to ask for help like that, and he hung up on me at that stage. I wasn't yelling or swearing, I was consciously trying to remain calm.

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After he hung up on me i still desperately needed to talk to him to make sure this information about me didn't spread any further than it had already had so i sent a series of facebook messages including (bold emphasis for this post, not in the originals):

*Feeling like someone just told strangers my most intimate secrets.* 

***That no friends and not my family know.*** 

*And then hung up on me instead of talking about it.*

*I'm very upset about this*

*I actually threw up a little before*

*Before you would tell me (my boyfriend initially refused to tell me what things he had said about me to his coworkers, i had to beg to find out what information about myself had been leaked)*

*I do still need to talk to you the conversation wasn't over*

***These people cannot know me or be in my life in any sense of the word***

***They must be completely cut out***

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The next day after I sent those messages, he told my sister i had borderline personality disorder and had threatened suicide!! He knew how devastated I had been when he told people my medical diagnosis but he did it again!!! He says he did it out of care for me but at the same time he treated me in uncaring ways. He:

 a) hung up on me 

b) broke up with me over text (something he had promised he would never do) by saying he would not talk to me again until i started getting more help (i am already in therapy and get as much help as is possible financially and logistically) 

c) started ignoring all my messages

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I feel like he told my sister so he could treat me badly without needing to worry about the consequences.

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I'm so frustrated that he doesn't understand the impact what he did had on me, and see it as the wrong thing to do.

It was MY right to choose to tell my family about MY medical diagnosis when I wanted to. He has changed my world by removing by ability to control that information and telling someone who I had chosen to not tell. Even if he did feel the need to send a message saying he was concerned for my wellbeing, there was no need to include my private confidential medical diagnosis.

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 He still won't apologize because he thinks he was justified, which is why our reconciliation attempt fell short. I told him ""I'm very sorry but that is a dealbreaker for me. I need someone who listens to me, respects my right to privacy, and considers my feelings in their decision making process (eg if I get upset about you telling people MY private information don't unapologetically do the same thing the next day)"" his response to that was ""this is getting too upsetting. i'm sorry. i don't think you care about my mental health. i'm sorry you were hurt by what i did"" and i don't expect to hear from him again for a while if ever now.

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i really value my privacy and he should've already known that from past discussions (i previously got upset when i got my iud birth control put in and was experiencing pain afterwards, which i told him about. as a result he asked his mother for painkillers for me because i had had a day surgery... i didn't need the help and didn't want or need her to know and speculate on what procedure I had had.)

​

i feel so betrayed and sad and angry. there are things i told him that i will never tell another person because he showed me how stupid it was to trust people. the only way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself.",2.944236023927332,4.998308841592202,4.360807104349757,83.73000468946167,75.9374492282697,7.40081530167639,26.54428033380105,8.296473431620573,1.8440647603574325,4908,189,963,90,110,1626,394,1231,0.18100000000000002,0.732,0.087,-0.9993,1,1,3,0,2,2,174.0,5,5,3,8,66,61,8,10,39,1,111,11,3,13,11,174,211,91,5,26,30,5,11,7,1,9,8,11,1,3,58,50,0,7,40,2,0,12,33,36,0,3,111,25,160,25,160,85,15,133,0,12,2,0,169,52,0,14,70,669,218,5,0.0,0.0,0.027956202117714872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02539462050685293,0.0,0.0,0.029670567905127076,0.12645460875432565,0.045819404708061465,0.0,0.3103997016812816,0.3481031452876027,0.09740771693383207,0.030039804057808792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023574767439724725,0.0,0.1339095210364132,0.06518220721412434,0.0,0.0,0.023919786380755072,0.10478090452092584,0.03163933694773498,0.07313171738611272,0.0,0.030064186652661237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824302047690328,0.0,0.05850538484544648,0.0,0.08762528055872727,0.0,0.03030566252541292,0.0,0.030036761154003576,0.0,0.06426207540377908,0.02287300414409819,0.0,0.031468355193647414,0.05542654528316167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919594151487903,0.0,0.0656659136262857,0.02932232302166174,0.0,0.02931673149778895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02393163092941707,0.0,0.050747043873838,0.0,0.03194996320403772,0.037843314179054385,0.02591365105261676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540133505697829,0.0,0.11588184672355074,0.0818642157482864,0.08251938321408712,0.0,0.02618364682658804,0.02436787535673696,0.0,0.12564370383215984,0.022133283988102485,0.0,0.05986934762754342,0.0,0.016281252575150847,0.0,0.06873698921465855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025333229065723432,0.03049620504942526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03045136088299207,0.03228824714876312,0.0,0.07680829065712091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02821239490242085,0.0,0.03066815215683682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509271108896596,0.0,0.0,0.04723238324932549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046969514490783,0.09797136287480704,0.028712705673519176,0.0,0.025352475699167612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0271073203631586,0.038245369830950435,0.0,0.028780649851286283,0.0,0.0,0.08657918716577585,0.028870328853226587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022866467561716602,0.03044816677899428,0.021059490887751584,0.1699363429512869,0.08838005640359016,0.0,0.060934698927018686,0.02688409831988984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01941254750082352,0.04357601316182636,0.03048336822826299,0.0,0.0,0.0620457329585384,0.05469529339554829,0.1986083554741208,0.07504268149750118,0.05986188243623111,0.0,0.0,0.03229618460226047,0.027436753709061474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02879903585451462,0.03209218627334472,0.0,0.0,0.032607563626132506,0.055057703870381586,0.02945479588246492,0.0,0.030757106069404024,0.0,0.04893027253436423,0.1090027913124411,0.09112778827529217,0.0,0.0,0.04565730872768623,0.0,0.0,0.032363954439557564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02866857299581613,0.0,0.07281977702687137,0.06616362175944003,0.0,0.12827584207365894,0.040554239258960574,0.0,0.06863471111395754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267227035534978,0.032509279085128615,0.027000291482330845,0.0,0.0,0.11513041932701895,0.2253556186189883,0.0,0.03276135185512387,0.033262401169887316,0.09516190533026517,0.03671281442344218,0.0,0.02274321976667965,0.033409622890742716,0.0,0.0,0.3832399295770941,0.0,0.01945003262865052,0.0,0.0,0.029823457395913997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181875220720059,0.05069179238392375,0.06821807022107271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0265568753275072,0.0517005185387084,0.0,0.0,0.027615537716480683,0.0,0.04171200125556585,0.029093316637564287,0.0,0.08140253891866046,0.03132196375530783,0.3481031452876027,0.03689659586616453
bpd,Ach8,2019/10/12,"Paradigms... ahhh Currently in grad school and for our second assignment, we need to choose a paradigm that we identify ourselves with. 

Paradigms are essentially “our perspective with the world”. How we view the world and “we all have our own paradigms” but just need to “do some soul searching to find it”. 

Prof said it’ll become REALLY obvious if we identify with the wrong paradigm and that our research would also suffer as a result of that. 

I’m freaking out here!! As someone who is trying to build up my own identity, I know I won’t be able to find this freakin paradigm within the month (when the assignment is due). 

Has anyone ever had this problem before? How did you overcome this?",5.87484689413823,7.381189118110237,6.451916010498687,73.93899387576553,67.26771653543307,10.683814523184603,32.22134733158355,10.746095033038511,3.8765037620297456,546,23,93,16,9,178,87,127,0.133,0.867,0.0,-0.9624,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,9,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,0,12,0,0,3,3,30,17,11,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,12,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,2,13,0,16,10,4,11,1,1,1,0,12,6,0,2,5,73,22,6,0.23901667289575415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114154696038915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712601510316516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639751366270828,0.20338558422449632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162042645969787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369138177491845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313573125974965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907808279533184,0.0,0.0,0.3544556687658728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287066760544748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312020102871662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22735959019121396,0.0,0.0,0.24189763346165946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025180513061521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227663142974932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697905867017793,0.2613272103455958,0.0,0.0
bpd,looknocavities,2019/10/12,"boyfriend wants to break up Can’t stop myself from destroying my own relationships every single time. Last night my boyfriend told me that he’s not attracted to me anymore and he’s scared of me because I’m so obsessive. He said he doesn’t feel the same way as he used to. I couldn’t stop crying all night. It hurts so much to hear the only person you care about telling you that you’re crazy. This is my worst nightmare lol. I don’t know how anyone deals with a breakup without completely giving up for months. He said he wants a break and all I can think about is him cheating on me or looking for someone else to move on to. I don’t think he really wants to stay together, I think he just said a break so I didn’t kill myself or freak out or something. I hope it’s not really over.
Being so dependent on another person is so exhausting. I wish I could put this amount of focus and thought into literally any other aspect of my life. I feel like such a dumb clingy girl and it’s so embarrassing. I feel abusive and manipulative and overbearing. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend ever again. It breaks my heart seeing him sad.
How do you guys stop yourselves from having overreactions or acting on impulses? The only thing that seems to help me think more clearly is smoking weed but only sometimes. It kind of reminds me how to be empathetic and not just assume things. Its like I always forget he’s a real person with his own life and problems and I get into my head that he must be trying to deceive me or hurt me in some way and I take any deviation from the norm as him tricking me or trying to run away from me and then my emotions take over from there. Idk its just like does the shit ever actually get better or do you just find people who are equally obsessive?",3.1184176029962565,4.944510485955057,4.218898876404499,85.95100749063673,74.75842696629212,7.10621722846442,24.22621722846442,7.908726449838941,1.2449212734082402,1407,44,284,21,30,458,181,356,0.17800000000000002,0.743,0.079,-0.9855,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,4,0,1,20,26,6,4,10,1,21,6,3,6,6,72,52,31,1,10,16,0,3,3,0,1,3,4,0,5,17,16,0,3,12,0,0,4,11,18,0,0,6,9,43,8,43,40,12,36,0,4,2,0,35,13,2,12,15,186,60,0,0.0,0.1066387155638253,0.08782984439922159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488962028677501,0.0,0.0,0.12241011258336405,0.0943758850029416,0.0,0.0,0.08925868932535302,0.06293211825484793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456068444685116,0.0,0.0,0.05486493063526118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960024838974153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917639518713976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436632512901423,0.0,0.0,0.07185998965309755,0.0,0.0988639561453924,0.0,0.09278903479432107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876214168459478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518587152503065,0.10124114506763096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282554620141612,0.07583132251665248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652450702488128,0.06429808760110667,0.0,0.0,0.08226101731916426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404559790111894,0.08633897995641504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891170182665252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236893815967376,0.0,0.1014398061316949,0.10665386629350897,0.06032704468027841,0.0,0.0,0.08939318465107915,0.0,0.0,0.2890498881720206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995748704932692,0.0937241672078382,0.04946323841277368,0.07336437358264399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714341570770296,0.1319126077586106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557976567219063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183945370865633,0.09565883588837096,0.06616248516195934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689232437444049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053537765659036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062396676359067475,0.2357611742637028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861206172734314,0.0,0.09047777045319114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244300092916307,0.1153163209497572,0.0,0.0,0.0966294287353979,0.0,0.0,0.25684009651259115,0.0,0.09010860103055884,0.0,0.07172065619562212,0.08193525715750913,0.0,0.0,0.0923866803953775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762591625587006,0.06928862725525288,0.0890151665023321,0.0,0.0,0.09593111293681293,0.0,0.22573935586793384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534195509237848,0.0,0.07866649901734034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958785106356686,0.2306808889627525,0.0,0.07145224679782261,0.05248141302554115,0.0,0.0,0.08600162507409022,0.0,0.1222121182370242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773360551072729,0.0,0.0,0.2123441621839104,0.14288022069910872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349888977300233,0.08675958094831482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WolfBiter771,2019/10/12,"FUCK ME AND MY MINNDDDD So last night, I decided to end this period of isolation and finally start talking to my friends, ( I go into long periods of isolation for days or maybe months on end when I feel too overwhelmed) so I thought lets get back there. Start talking to people but then I was like lets give it a few more days and I decided on that, but for some reason. I was feeling perfectly happy today so I thought Why not and as soon as I sent the text, My anxiety started acting up, I cant control my mind anoymore. Its just spiralling and I wanna delete the text but I cant anymore and I feel like shitt. Man . Idk what to do noww.",0.4364524886877845,2.8544424461538465,2.4600452488687807,91.04554298642536,89.92307692307693,6.135746606334842,23.80090497737557,7.510576382923642,1.3712036199095023,498,21,104,10,17,166,84,130,0.07400000000000001,0.768,0.158,0.9347,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,1,3,0,7,1,0,2,1,26,20,17,0,1,6,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,8,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,5,3,18,5,15,13,3,26,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,2,21,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219859433699392,0.0,0.1581407974805018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261437427303265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884718652413809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567613936857596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824672550404181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418822702835124,0.11391777009683265,0.0,0.1746798907919596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319787510563647,0.1474175718821477,0.0833109132792811,0.1529679098714072,0.0906244063192322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974741131476676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998062858314208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261159168772433,0.0,0.15580753833867186,0.0,0.0,0.14111648034171842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601983197678114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100845649628692,0.0,0.1272789079239101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496417697853515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105490147137188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395073891161085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385983823671519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563347224701766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531857766630187,0.0,0.0,0.1511487903073992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388723402393067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DaveTheRussianCat,2019/10/12,"Need help with my relative I apologise in advance for my structuring, my return button isn’t working. Anyway, a close relative of mine has BPD.  She’s been with her boyfriend for 2 months and is pregnant with his baby. It was planned and they put in for a mortgage on a house which has been approved and she was so sure she wanted all of this. Well now she’s decided she doesn’t like her partner at all, doesn’t want the house and is isolating herself in her room avoiding everyone.  She’s recently split up with her alcoholic ex, who raped her, and within a couple days of leaving him she got with her current partner. She isn’t over her ex and feels like she “hasn’t had closure”. Previous to the alcoholic ex, she was with a man who she was constantly beating, and purposely got pregnant with him. She struggled with pregnancy and her relationship fell apart so she got an abortion. I don’t think she’s over that, she has a shrine for the foetus in her room and even named it. So yeah, that’s the background info. Her mom keeps phoning me asking me to make her feel better. I told her she needs a professional and to tell her midwife about her mental state. It doesn’t matter what I say to her, she doesn’t listen. What else can I do or say to help her? Her life is constantly falling apart, she’s violent to her partners, possessive and gets bored of them very quickly. I dread to think how she’s going to be as a parent. Is there anything I can do as a close relative to help?",3.9229522342064698,5.272910603389832,4.679545454545455,85.39562018489987,71.77966101694916,8.075500770416026,28.6633281972265,8.575989854853784,2.041338983050847,1168,45,236,20,22,376,145,295,0.084,0.804,0.111,0.6176,3,1,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,6,11,11,2,3,14,1,27,4,0,2,3,41,45,18,0,4,1,5,2,2,3,0,3,3,2,4,11,21,2,2,6,0,0,5,8,6,1,0,11,5,56,5,38,33,2,31,1,0,0,1,66,16,0,1,11,170,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27886161933676323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073641979604614,0.0,0.12197013915070813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538850543726135,0.0,0.0,0.16432010917370082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819795122015256,0.0,0.0,0.14436056289269522,0.0,0.08414118464103265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898942554542704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617300436553903,0.0,0.0,0.12466793990248246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193726686234944,0.09320649597020557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681642407171325,0.0,0.0741480750124922,0.0,0.3130419732078967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623502186458498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010855322677924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596611565928618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814696762847428,0.0,0.0,0.0921535360220746,0.1274803279764589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708852522299088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148124197222766,0.0,0.0,0.15280275903056392,0.1041384588937976,0.0,0.0,0.1934810090062109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486947730051972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311565594214251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128821590866951,0.14007400213679316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075070713868668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639367250173431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296471840542485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403494251862807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719748712355292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466793990248246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076499146694735,0.15390702923916103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730656507338147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498239105814653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,savealltheunicorns,2019/10/12,"The clusters Anyone else get frustrated being lumped in with all the Cluster Bs?  I find I will look for support somewhere and see a post referring to all cluster bs like we’re all the same. Most people do not realize how drastically different these disorders are, and also how different the SUBTYPES of BPD are. I’m sick of the stigma. We have been abused too - most people with BPD have trauma. Anyways this is just a rant. Anyone else struggle with this?",3.462104575163398,6.246022400000001,4.196862745098041,81.79477124183009,77.94117647058823,7.071895424836601,27.091503267973856,8.167268648758528,2.2012875816993467,364,15,62,7,9,116,59,85,0.19,0.755,0.055,-0.9129,2,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,7,0,9,2,0,2,3,19,14,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,2,8,11,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,45,6,0,0.0,0.21307050606902275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438109053640632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25148424216588583,0.3685165284549035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529820752672072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37577055244617263,0.2061020772819651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004517001236872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643624128186024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395435340911393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785641607242001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101287403178978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24934455255876165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222853139585825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330214341392078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799856309077914,0.0,0.0,0.20407025747075225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SOofpwBPD,2019/10/12,"Need help/advice My pwBPD broke up with me after giving me the silent treatment, she said she needs to focus on herself and I understand that because she has kids but she’s not going to therapy. We talked before we gotten into this relationship and I made it clear this is a going to be the last time because I’m tired of the cycle of abuse, break ups, the pushing and pulling. We gotten into an argument because I was true to my word, I was done and I wanted to return her cat. She was saying that she wasn’t sure about the break up but now she’s %100 sure because I want to “disappear and be like everyone else.” I know it’s her fear of abandonment. At this point I didn’t care, I drove 7 hours straight to a state I never been before to return her cat. We met up and she’s saying she wants to be friends because she can’t handle being in a relationship. I told her now because I can’t do that then she continue on with the saying I’m like everyone else who has been in her life. But she doesn’t see how messed up it is to make me think we would work out this time because she doesn’t want to lose me. She cant wrap her mind around how messed up it is to make me think about all the false promises of change and starting a family. When I try to express how i feel about everything I get shot down or made to look like I’m crazy.. Yesterday I told her I don’t want to give up because I have hope, my coworker went to couples therapy and it worked for his relationship with his wife. But she says I’m forcing everything on her by talking about how i feel and me wanting to stick it out for one more time because i don’t want to leave only for her to come back. I know not everything works for everyone the same way but I want to make things work because I know there’s this scared little girl deep down inside her and it’s fighting with someone that loves me. 

I need to get the perspective of a pwBPD. Is it worth fighting for anymore? I’m tired but I want to at least try before I give up completely.",2.2325000000000017,3.783030583333337,3.559047619047618,90.91928571428572,76.5,6.8000000000000025,23.190476190476193,7.554174236665415,0.8330904761904754,1575,47,349,21,35,515,177,420,0.11800000000000001,0.75,0.133,0.15,0,0,0,0,5,0,26.0,5,0,0,5,15,20,2,2,15,0,28,4,0,9,6,75,80,23,0,14,9,1,2,3,1,1,3,5,0,2,19,25,0,1,8,0,1,8,12,9,0,1,18,9,69,11,64,57,4,55,0,3,2,1,58,26,0,2,20,230,88,4,0.0,0.08213504085946703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677404964899494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874863464022539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061711131716242006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330421341511137,0.0,0.4225794821001829,0.0,0.1769633316266054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067823253996666,0.0,0.07333331144589028,0.059714624113489524,0.07268262684194036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670329374934012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094030693769186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581899870252915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871995697134529,0.18690599069469824,0.0,0.0653504581239307,0.07800633886787836,0.07010240701368135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355787904847136,0.0,0.0724355970101514,0.19949946721480766,0.07879439460012085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046464965876112034,0.0,0.0,0.06885222533911478,0.06826804529611538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429240552817264,0.0565065491456817,0.0,0.07340181574703203,0.0,0.0,0.048964063327985655,0.10160144344243892,0.06947869184000535,0.0,0.0,0.05821288364936152,0.07755340339098825,0.0,0.0,0.06256566409693542,0.1311879959719144,0.13881859280379472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999529359913995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420379054375105,0.05346527399306147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697427058861614,0.05272238054665143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553154244784333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327712882077855,0.0,0.0,0.06594094121093393,0.22051002756872076,0.069403251795589,0.0,0.05524052869494163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873616724986488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906635279025278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067002133632508,0.0,0.0,0.11143653289644348,0.0,0.0,0.15855112337277372,0.0,0.04605434799860775,0.0888372676859265,0.0,0.0,0.12126636129545558,0.15935050718856972,0.0,0.13247997131423014,0.0,0.09412995338369508,0.0,0.0,0.07216647673595128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679903379960877,0.05502444728015809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426203709582916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018684908499026,0.0,0.0,0.049244243827391766,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,picsnipe,2019/10/12,What is taking medication like? Hello. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and my therapist is going to have me start on anxiety medication soon. I've never taken medication for this sort of thing before and I'm very nervous about it. Does it even help? How noticable is the difference? I am interested to hear what others' experiences are so that I have an idea of what to expect. Thanks,2.3837500000000027,5.3242120972222216,5.081888888888892,71.45200000000003,87.75,8.991111111111111,23.86666666666667,9.120678840339163,3.085090000000001,309,12,52,11,10,109,56,72,0.054000000000000006,0.7979999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.8046,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,8,4,0,1,1,8,15,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,3,9,13,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690966188075918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634114367704854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418669782239616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491601031825276,0.0,0.20064036302560515,0.0,0.0,0.1680550262816056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268402526944582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785144215078028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914045112663194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644242933019825,0.0,0.1287200025595386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21678917612541548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382078026150824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5803786595554569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481126710300979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863819895554776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961579973183013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359265187795085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438977491963162,0.0,0.0,0.17680413419404728,0.0,0.22297261543483413,0.1275824845769737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845266716351505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dunkirkcousins,2019/10/12,"Told my friend to suck my dick because I felt like he didn’t wanna hang out with me. My friend’s in school right now and his schedule’s packed,but we still hang out from time to time.So one day I decided to suggest going to the beach,but he told me he can’t because he’s studying. I felt like he’s making an excuse but I just said ok and that was that. A couple days later, I suggest going to the beach again and he just sent me a laughing emoji. I got so mad and I called him a fucking asshole,told him to go fuck himself and to suck my dick. We didn’t talk for 3 months after that lol. IDK if I have BPD but that fits for sure",1.3849935064935082,2.411960707142857,2.9436363636363647,96.6268181818182,77.64285714285714,5.3766233766233755,20.584415584415584,4.851557810540192,-0.3925714285714284,489,11,120,1,11,161,79,140,0.172,0.6890000000000001,0.138,-0.8411,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,0,6,12,5,0,6,2,5,4,2,1,1,21,20,9,0,2,5,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,0,3,1,0,6,3,5,0,1,10,3,21,7,16,10,0,21,0,0,0,4,23,5,6,1,12,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057191606376445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071991086242815,0.0,0.16798676999618214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203115919456345,0.0,0.21219531247735235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159176928148024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542055844187092,0.30418032763759845,0.0,0.0,0.280490594718768,0.0,0.13157654721796208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074606118920975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981409937192876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131317867791842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147866681590117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404937077124533,0.15649009814666698,0.0,0.0,0.16649653691768665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138076617634234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505211245269515,0.0,0.0,0.1322297926739112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185839563426765,0.0,0.0,0.4715993584421391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisisfineitsallfine,2019/10/12,"New here...DAE experience alcohol-fueled BPD episodes? I feel like most of the time I can hold in my perceptions of abandonment, and tell myself they’re not true (although I also feel like my subconscious self-conception might be leading me to forge relationships with people that actually don’t provide the sort of relationship I need, or are reciprocally toxic). However, I find that when I’ve drank too much I inevitably get triggered by something someone says and wind up going on a tirade about everything they’ve ever done to me and just viciously tearing apart their personality. This can happen sober but it is much worse while intoxicated and I often fall into a depression that lasts days from the repercussive fallout. Additionally, it makes me feel like I don’t really know how to love people or deserve love since all of my feelings seem based in fear-avoidance. Sorry if this is a lot, my therapist just told me I’m BPD like yesterday and I’m having a hard time processing it as something I can understand about myself.",8.110029013539652,8.677148436170214,8.210560928433267,66.63772727272729,61.97872340425533,11.729980657640233,36.23984526112186,11.389717465364855,4.433185106382979,838,36,138,23,11,273,128,188,0.09300000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.113,0.7804,1,1,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,10,10,1,0,7,0,12,4,0,4,3,39,30,15,0,2,7,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,8,1,2,9,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,6,20,7,18,25,5,18,0,2,0,2,9,6,0,9,13,90,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.12333537370130215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506914934779618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107155075365233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183597286656477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150908871296125,0.0,0.10885684368065653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933766967900606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114324178337314,0.0,0.0,0.11358838780107855,0.1236306307535624,0.0,0.14222038957660205,0.2556200375620692,0.2708724597022685,0.0,0.0,0.11551532832043054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603193391402445,0.0,0.07182858251726129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176350996195626,0.0,0.11321782906587766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945892977319351,0.1030221844757991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24698500280261945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744961475349923,0.2281382064874491,0.0,0.08436423088842558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407651817608354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581781371183748,0.09371427794035246,0.0,0.12206524651185865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752415127023269,0.11035615790574148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096667844218368,0.0,0.0,0.2713844430704529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050792820660323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505787844619295,0.1318490908565495,0.0,0.0,0.1045485419536772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708720226776408,0.1945976061834531,0.0,0.14147977658398347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046771311555208,0.0,0.0,0.14674492125992736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473944245752272,0.0,0.0,0.12076809016328167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157321039180478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128799039059564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HMthrowaway90,2019/10/12,"Please help! I suspect I have BPD & I really need someone to talk to. I started to read about BPD online when I realized my ex was a pwBPD... after some research and self reflection I realized I most likely do as well. I plan on seeing a psych soon to confirm.

If I do have BPD it explains A LOT!

Anyway, I really really need someone to talk to right now, I’m hoping someone here will help me. I lost my FP a few weeks ago and I’m really hurting over her (ex gf), which is leading to other behaviours And I really need to talk with someone who understands 💔",2.0541739130434777,3.7653062869565233,4.594130434782612,82.60771739130438,77.43478260869566,8.078260869565218,25.41304347826087,8.841846274778883,2.061104347826088,433,16,87,10,10,153,70,115,0.069,0.81,0.121,0.6899,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,19,18,6,0,5,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,16,3,14,15,4,11,0,2,1,0,12,3,0,5,8,59,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210651164746777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370283433159108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47784716580334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953806277299852,0.0,0.0,0.1256115514291671,0.0,0.0,0.13538692401601132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061786020109928064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380550820125382,0.10751882069972092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813239117698492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388242086957102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650251775161211,0.0,0.4050941365424301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800323175349673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077885612212883,0.0,0.13193401197154955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286246991681282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951490916377307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049512716706111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165795381823284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144523670433164,0.0,0.11371018420958195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MiniGogo_20,2019/10/12,"Questions Mobile, format, you know the rest

So I’ve been clinically diagnosed with depression, and I know BPD can be associated, I’ve taken online tests and have turned out positive in all of them, but can’t visit an actual psychologist in order to get properly diagnosed. Could there be a way for me to be sure if I actually do have BPD other than just trusting a random internet quiz?",7.696369863013697,7.547205452054797,9.308321917808216,60.83179794520548,62.97260273972603,13.32739726027397,34.688356164383556,12.602617957971056,4.894893150684932,310,12,52,11,4,110,59,73,0.032,0.848,0.12,0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,10,3,0,0,2,14,15,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,9,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,0,38,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.4249718055576701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484797452981726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385018588569318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875418544492935,0.4420094238532145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376180789733747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393318795085129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392215880128945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522034025785316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368420186806529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283437590126474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,an-l0v,2019/10/12,"Steven Universe the movie put my BPD into perspective. I’ve enjoyed the whole show. Today I watched the movie. Spinel’s character resonated with me deeply in a way that did hurt, but man did it fucking resonate. All the way to her ending sentiments of wishing to start over. I hope you guys will watch it if you haven’t already, and I hope you like it.",3.364782608695652,5.4014387391304375,3.602246376811596,89.71902173913048,74.65217391304348,6.918840579710146,27.44202898550725,7.793537801064563,1.583307246376811,279,11,56,4,6,86,54,69,0.03,0.76,0.21,0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,1,9,9,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,9,4,7,6,2,9,0,1,2,1,6,3,1,3,4,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582918371759953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29479129727121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207308334943958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163853743967338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175692287092364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649502374149437,0.0,0.0,0.2505668537165555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435025040366235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529568287104405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566939025246855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186220518152985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715730276041138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613204476023034,0.2691582896390278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kehbeth,2019/10/12,"Lost another job I finally found a job that I excelled at: tax accounting. My OCD loved having everything in the right place and I was quick to pick up on rules and patterns. Then my BPD starting kicking in. Fast forward 3.8 years and about 2 “outbursts” per year, and here I am, being told once again that it just isn’t working out. And it’s killing me. I was GOOD at this. I was on the fast track to promotions. Leading major projects for our biggest clients. And it kills me that no matter how good I am, no matter how many hours I work, how smart I am, I will never get anywhere because of this disorder. I’ve lost every job because of my inability to keep my cool. And it’s sucks how one actual outburst causes every subsequent disagreement, no matter how civil, to be portrayed as out of control. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I gave that job everything. Now I’m unemployed and looking at starting all over again and I’m just so tired of failing. 
I just wish there was a way to convey to people that I don’t mean to be this way. I’m overly sensitive to everything, esp noise, and people don’t even try to understand. 
I feel so lost and useless and broken.",2.8775641025641012,4.712348850427353,4.151632478632481,86.13642307692311,75.45299145299145,7.244102564102565,27.51196581196581,8.07648339933343,1.8151288888888888,917,37,183,15,20,301,131,234,0.183,0.7190000000000001,0.098,-0.9685,6,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,10,19,14,3,0,4,1,17,2,0,9,2,39,38,21,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,14,0,2,5,0,2,2,8,8,0,1,10,3,22,6,29,24,2,33,0,5,1,1,4,16,1,0,15,122,35,13,0.0,0.0,0.10741642989625468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542227707060948,0.0,0.0,0.10916391586631724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420028273208784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863445842724667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130764079803347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345744762704736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261544393246072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270289589837547,0.0,0.18548433040654394,0.0,0.2967824735702972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565676541298326,0.0,0.0,0.12058078121366544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206905541726009,0.0,0.0,0.05750916697563016,0.0,0.0,0.18464984239544102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840080231502676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369261839546564,0.097838905543459,0.24356133541923225,0.0,0.0604938391699408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243450966394028,0.0,0.3604766044010137,0.0,0.09934616050690097,0.0,0.0,0.11159784674425588,0.0,0.1199029493554112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489592124253169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722530952938305,0.0745890496480775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262302370519662,0.0,0.11500399215698005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400266830525024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582200972841412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265139697029696,0.0,0.10518050662534097,0.0,0.07473307917642424,0.0,0.0,0.11459100585777242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474337242960242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657976697657028,0.0,0.0,0.16027049167246524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176820537282128
bpd,houseofcardsandchaos,2019/10/12,"I am horrible for my girlfriend I have bpd and my girlfriend has dysthymia and maybe some other stuff if you ask me. Sometimes, I'm the best partner in the world and other times I am the worse. I am seriously destructive to her mental health and I feel horrible about it but so many times, I keep doing the same behaviors that hurt her. I've begged her to leave me so many times because I don't know how to stop. She's beyond loyal so she won't. I am literally destroying the person I love and I don't know how to stop.",1.8505555555555588,3.781289611111109,3.5905185185185218,88.55633333333336,78.81481481481481,6.912592592592592,22.837037037037035,7.908726449838941,1.0816859259259255,410,13,88,7,10,137,64,108,0.187,0.6729999999999999,0.14,-0.11900000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,7,7,2,0,5,0,10,2,0,2,0,17,17,12,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,20,3,8,16,3,8,0,1,0,1,12,3,0,2,5,63,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167067194992628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846069137148595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393549870631614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447496154086183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825819701862906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065618318468391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208032400036742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272786849258154,0.0,0.0,0.2135954370854157,0.0,0.0,0.2057655473025172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538882361737648,0.0,0.0,0.3940366685302889,0.19522883649986852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583715935907228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967992351676753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921955982504634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32493422004721056,0.0,0.0,0.22245934209516752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399430783475291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980370784141167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,simplycosmo,2019/10/12,"Constant Dissapointment It feels like whenever things are falling into place with someone, something absurdly rare happens. 

I’ve been told I saw my rapist today, you remind me of my ex, its not gonna work with school. They all tell me I’m a great guy but if I was so great none of this shit would happen, things would work out.

I’m just about done. I overanalyze, I cry myself to sleep over stuff that is in reality nothing, It feels like I ruin everything and it’s all because of my BPD. I just want to give someone the world and do whatever it takes to find love with someone that has all the checkboxes filled

Surely im not the only one who feels as if whenever they invest into someone they always expect it to fall apart",2.2427083333333364,4.677423965277779,3.5595555555555585,86.64100000000002,80.18055555555556,6.34,22.79444444444445,7.554174236665415,1.0847727777777774,577,19,113,9,15,188,97,144,0.12,0.731,0.149,0.5893,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,3,2,4,9,2,0,4,0,9,4,2,0,4,27,23,7,0,6,7,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,8,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,3,0,1,5,4,16,6,17,15,4,13,0,1,1,2,11,8,1,2,4,74,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252134961638637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243433493251673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031617440023736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613449327325342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854269164800749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383862035433807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153509332135448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051275160339446,0.19321522974544436,0.0,0.0,0.12359684364969148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297239659113821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981808697153964,0.0,0.13389795716334232,0.2391650920679677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460705106749955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213210410715207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204943987837501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975585955446778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163466090846856,0.10284773777520767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412855087193977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368589537232456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388106112016352,0.0,0.0,0.1353266471126392,0.0,0.4583163252190076,0.10410588038733297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548048361260406,0.0,0.0,0.12745171927116933,0.0,0.10167536828467597,0.0,0.11819609453394984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968025939867416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818126715509734,0.12921709157401054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976155981496481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968966252731767,0.0,0.0,0.19212558399621246,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,katsimms,2019/10/12,Cheating Does anyone with Bpd find that they have cheated on someone they really wanted to be with for no good reason? Is this self sabatoge or validation? Help!,4.517126436781607,7.496395655172414,4.455862068965517,80.33367816091955,75.20689655172413,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.9440252873563213,130,5,21,2,3,40,27,29,0.248,0.61,0.142,-0.6312,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405293286837082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332497079395707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301032375684054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144052325156441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885267169377487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305726227052851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203720296844088,0.35368419110830085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588618469121208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29146587918662703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028971858740267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lucythegypsie,2019/10/12,"Recommendations Please! :) I have a free book to choose on audible, and found a selection of DBT books.

I wondered if anyone has experience with any of them? 

*On audible specifically please, not books in general*

I'm just wanting to know which one is the best one to pick, to have a listen while I'm on the waiting list for DBT 

Also, I was thinking of buying the dialectical behaviour therapy skills work book, anyone tried and have any feedback?

Thanks x",2.955714285714283,5.87626219047619,4.4026666666666685,78.459,81.85714285714286,8.121904761904762,26.25714285714286,8.841846274778883,2.6576942857142867,360,15,64,10,10,119,57,84,0.0,0.79,0.21,0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,15,16,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,4,4,13,14,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,40,5,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997044295944306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060800999217781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31471695658502025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361735174679329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201396853433551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675302066681484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368024696918745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049960858247257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940692547478024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071935462579052,0.2573614844140243,0.0,0.0,0.14420138184187814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279251269443006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132738874688141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440544660983568,0.1638372953668746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rachelway82,2019/10/12,"Suggestion for rule change There is a person here claiming to be a psychiatrist doing research, who is giving out medical advice and opinions ( i.e. discouraging certain forms of therapy). This is potentially pretty dangerous, and feels predatory. I suggest adding a rule that no one can claim to be a medical professional without providing proof to the mods.",7.860338983050845,10.891737406779663,8.212000000000002,57.20376271186442,64.76271186440678,12.177627118644068,40.61355932203389,11.602472056035307,6.3920277966101695,293,17,37,11,5,96,48,59,0.128,0.7509999999999999,0.121,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,2,9,9,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,7,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,30,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844357704127745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30791945761907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717660173692976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792263003396647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.586456218225011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972404032561756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254156042792494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29612859422702004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328703896718327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28058655336728505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yachtrock94,2019/10/12,"""Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway"" - John Wayne This is something that's always made me feel a little better. I hope this gives you guys who need it a little hope right now.",3.9912280701754383,5.692227947368423,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,72.15789473684211,5.066666666666666,20.561403508771924,3.1291,-0.3147649122807015,154,3,30,0,3,46,33,38,0.098,0.625,0.276,0.8392,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,9,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,4,2,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227883780041096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563137791449497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899546279594695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447326912840196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526071970109413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067800122992397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5113910571777853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413990756461081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916696466830632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786960870099348,0.0,0.0,0.25541789408652993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640250825424974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SaladWithSuicide,2019/10/12,"Fuck it all My best friends girlfriend likes me, she has BPD and so do i but he does not... I can tell and everything in me tells me to act on it, but im gonna be a good friend and leave them alone, so now im friendless....

Yay",-1.7891666666666666,-0.10520517307692323,0.4976923076923079,106.93064102564104,91.1153846153846,4.235897435897436,16.358974358974358,5.46131890053228,-1.1374717948717947,169,4,49,1,6,56,41,52,0.09699999999999999,0.593,0.31,0.9354,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,7,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,4,2,4,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,2,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416959345155345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449023460453814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29391525942030144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421943090018008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097335652823744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605946994009339,0.21574233716968785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573563075609607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041488536233512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24710001735532885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401043322268795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079428851633943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iloveeggs13,2019/10/12,"Is it possible to only feel triggered towards one person? So I’m not diagnosed with BPD, but I’m trying to go see a therapist who can diagnose me and I have a strong feeling I have BPD as I’ve been doing a lot of research. The thing is, some characteristics like recklessness and the feeling of emptiness I generally have, but the toxic behaviors I’ll usually only have towards one person. I’ve seen articles about BPD that mention lashing out and unstable relationships with friends and family but this has only happened to me wirh people I have feelings for. Well, it used to happen with a couple friends but it was all at separate moments in time and in any given time, it was only with one person. Everyone else I’d act perfectly normal with. Is this normal? I’m sorry if any part of this is rude or ignorant-I’m just now learning about this disorder.",5.104918699186992,6.629259573170736,6.576585365853664,72.25357723577237,69.12195121951221,9.856910569105693,33.178861788617894,10.125756701596842,3.7516520325203264,686,32,116,18,12,234,98,164,0.09300000000000001,0.75,0.157,0.9113,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,0,7,0,15,2,0,2,2,33,29,13,0,3,8,0,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,11,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,5,6,6,6,22,24,4,13,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,4,6,84,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596145307342612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434237723284316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298540710065446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382312052054089,0.0,0.0,0.1345021000211911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803730548112544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214031862960926,0.0,0.0,0.11063440192368687,0.0,0.23735833216843005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134054716470266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669708959799271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075580660645054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057335047845779516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977332603997473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299712716101685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23857385923067775,0.35702329913037595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708696063792946,0.0,0.08136105756497479,0.3074166700878721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230318172066818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599825780093574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351889840654626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313723451643819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626134358104192,0.07796724603137102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686444584613724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967817973028199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135937876396604,0.12925293447704084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551867300417343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ajebrh,2019/08/17,"Is this connected to splitting? I've been debating whether or not I have some sort of quiet bpd. It's easily the most relatable condition to me and I meet most of the symptoms. I haven't however experienced splitting in the sense of switching between idolizing and hating those around me. I di however constantly switch between feeling like my friends, mainly my fp, hate me, and only feeling better when I talk to them. I was wondering if maybe this was somehow connected to splitting or if it was just something else entirely. My logic behind this would be that if I have some sort of bpd, its definitely more on the quiet side, and that since quiet bpd causes things to be pointed inward, that instead of disliking people, I feel that I am at fault and should separate myself from them. I just wanted some other opinions on this so any feedback would be appreciated.",8.006263888888887,8.185761487500002,8.158333333333335,68.23555555555556,62.25,11.361111111111116,38.40277777777778,10.980518767755715,4.519006944444444,698,33,113,17,9,228,97,160,0.07200000000000001,0.809,0.11900000000000001,0.7096,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,7,6,2,0,4,0,15,1,0,1,0,34,22,13,0,7,9,0,3,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,14,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,7,19,3,19,12,7,9,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,15,3,96,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220813792950053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688822831175916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593231657157196,0.0,0.0,0.6234489501395756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950419744282647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831032339553252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378393739599728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502924046340085,0.1178786381269712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748140808273153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32581388048770543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061244709085623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576834104465762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254927086167459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439275268164675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598177996413393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649272159900686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270278685301982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150196762405825,0.0,0.1326236809400102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962109096742163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732342588374757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893941619382328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442771277046834,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dreamer1278,2019/08/17,"I want to disappear All hail these meds, 1 1/2 whiskeys later and im already drunk. I'm tired of this. I rip everything apart, no friends to speak of, my family is falling apart, no one cares enough to be there and listen. What keeps me going right now? I feel like theres nothing to look forward to, just years of misery and futility. Fuck the pain and the disappointment. Fuck this hopeless fight. I don't deserve any of the things I want.  I dont want to wake up tomorrow.",1.7137894736842119,4.047110957894741,2.89605263157895,91.21986842105262,81.52631578947368,6.326315789473685,23.184210526315788,7.554174236665415,0.9910842105263152,371,13,79,6,10,119,67,95,0.32,0.5579999999999999,0.122,-0.9729,0,1,1,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,3,0,4,7,1,0,1,11,16,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,5,4,2,1,1,2,0,4,4,6,0,1,0,4,8,3,11,15,2,12,0,2,1,2,4,5,2,0,6,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228427081606286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698008190470906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537247091711447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23607579475581725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081322125497972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103331940035666,0.0,0.1898913509599684,0.0,0.1018496362192972,0.1439024459669148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556251983387488,0.3724396844199527,0.0,0.0,0.1144779582900178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175801959034112,0.0,0.0,0.17904125156671327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984090798475089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691514250518284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374458605641467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932786105218255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364949528818224,0.0,0.21433693387328412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720210921258389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382189827118735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151546259101896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564279140924328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297150493524388
bpd,SimplyTopHat,2019/08/17,"[29F] TW: ... Do you find yourself jumping back and forth between living and dying? 

Up until a few days ago, I can honestly I was actively planning my demise- now I’m back in a state of suspended animation.

Limbo. Ugh.",1.1713008130081342,3.818987146341467,3.76768292682927,80.22111788617889,92.17073170731709,6.635772357723577,28.784552845528456,7.793537801064563,2.689484552845529,167,9,29,4,6,58,36,41,0.133,0.747,0.12,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,5,3,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543220251994025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6147102337993144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577822308106099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41483965247142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36533102623837177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529544678911167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mindlikeadiamond7,2019/08/17,"Feeling defective I did my good acquaintance makeup for her wedding today and am really struggling with it after departing. I didn’t know anyone else in the bridal party and watching all of the women engaged/in seemingly supportive normal relationships got to me. I just went through a really rough breakup where the guy I dated didn’t even visit me when I was hospitalized for being suicidal and I ended up breaking up w him during my hospitalization bc I realized our relationship was unhealthy. 

While waiting for the brides hair to be done I got a text from a guy I just went on a date w basically telling me that he enjoyed our time together but that he didn’t feel he had the time to devote to starting a relationship blah blah. He was decent about it. 

But basically I’m having a full blown crisis bc I just feel so defective and like I’ll never be “normal” or happy. It’s been almost 4 months of me being single, in therapy regularly and I felt like I was ready to consider dating again but clearly not. I don’t think I’m just responding to the rejection side of things I think I’m just tired of putting on this mask of pretending like I’m better or fine when I feel like this messed up freak who’s never going to be better. 

I just feel so tired and lonely. And my heart hurts seeing all these “normal” humans getting married having kids and I hate that I got so close to having that with my other relationship and now I’m just floating through life barely hanging on ya know?",3.697241379310345,5.776232862068969,5.209862068965517,78.3713448275862,73.82758620689657,8.088275862068969,26.427586206896553,8.841846274778883,2.2314510344827587,1190,43,215,25,25,400,154,290,0.16899999999999998,0.675,0.155,-0.8217,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,1,0,2,17,21,1,1,12,0,21,5,2,0,5,47,49,20,1,3,13,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,13,12,0,1,12,1,0,7,7,9,0,0,17,10,31,12,31,27,4,37,0,3,2,0,23,12,0,4,21,146,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494139661657688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327813232910686,0.10737930418625907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853729922553153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724610612219533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754639754186258,0.0,0.09282110546825108,0.0,0.0,0.06921897293988145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26494846535602035,0.07486866646792782,0.1006237971421831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475332754620324,0.0,0.059559877662644076,0.08790071073639998,0.2514528074315325,0.0,0.0,0.20753563803032515,0.0,0.1115608417432741,0.0,0.10346764747392352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418771756605487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121898565340346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151899484825676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402287019224868,0.2047986475007596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364983002789894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165541695635305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080432943681972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053522782955229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427427616598805,0.0,0.0,0.4500610665659915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835115022531173,0.09540537936596208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417750931067141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955902020104236,0.0,0.11463346379448335,0.11892504438916456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915992387466817,0.0,0.11984717389202085,0.0,0.0696240220272143,0.13430236559617478,0.0,0.0,0.12221867101089876,0.2409028398986377,0.09933751651683767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943000685368048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Linkzel666,2019/08/17,I want to die already All my friends left me any friends i have left is too busy for me anymore. I got so attached to a group of people who don’t care about me. I’ve been getting high every day to escape the pain but everything is just too much. I feel like I have no purpose I’m too anxious to leave my house and I just want to end it all already. I don’t know what I did to deserve any of this hell.,-0.6543333333333337,1.2298722333333352,1.4244444444444468,100.88000000000002,87.77777777777777,4.044444444444443,21.22222222222221,4.935628992294339,-0.403977777777778,311,11,78,1,10,103,59,90,0.19699999999999998,0.664,0.139,-0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,2,10,16,3,1,2,3,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,13,4,10,13,3,5,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012289954662765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24725267541306875,0.0,0.0,0.20537577961002276,0.18029106643070575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853513743909638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172422647947094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867375082238455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101576397219752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316951334053205,0.0,0.16338496786629536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192064530442988,0.12987386293342948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809076043458133,0.0,0.09498000288185958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453974850773233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207562763230066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976617960987212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990937655435876,0.0,0.0,0.19249388308927132,0.3950400129244177,0.0,0.0,0.08881549762162325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363970609153036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344192090960366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603325690233452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445394134640197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tor-lynn,2019/08/17,Self harm Please give me advice and talk to me. I really wanna hurt myself,0.8460000000000001,3.3816392666666717,3.068333333333332,86.4225,89.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,7.5,7.1686216300943375,-0.7289999999999996,59,0,11,1,2,20,14,15,0.35100000000000003,0.537,0.11199999999999999,-0.7076,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871507912983184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38006008516764267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241279553831982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348959710823972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538084813111552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133109836839047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184412878993309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pigletgirl156,2019/08/17,"No Contact in Residential? Has anyone ever had to go no contact with their SO while in residential (or outpatient) treatment? 

If so, how did it go and how long were you all no contact?",3.7816190476190457,5.8545304000000025,5.48,76.55333333333336,73.57142857142857,8.095238095238095,31.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.899095238095238,144,7,26,3,3,49,26,35,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.7303,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,8,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,24,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801996260326638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918491025810476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.61804640741079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811978210065551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xuloxs,2019/08/17,"advice needed pls?? ok so, my boyfriend has schizophrenia and like ive just been feeling absolutely horrible lately because while of course i love him so so much there are just these periods where we hardly text, one is currently happening, and i know he isn’t ok and i want to help and be there for him but he won’t really talk to me or tell me much. Anyways I feel horrible but i always want attention and i get upset and i feel like i hate him but i know it’s so fucked because he can’t help it. i just don’t know if it’ll work, him and me, because even when i do tell him how i feel (i feel like it usually comes out mean because im a jerk and upset) he doesn’t respond or sends a :( when I’m sad or whatever because apparently he can’t feel empathy. and just i gotta be honest. it fucking sucks. i feel like a horrible terrible person. i want it to work so goddamn badly because i love him, but will i be able to support him the way he needs and would he be able to support me? ah that’s a lot of rambling and i hope it makes sense, it’s hard to get my thoughts in order. so i guess my question is does anyone have a so with mental illness as well, if so how do you handle it? how can we support each other?",0.2119786535303767,2.2240847011494296,2.693633004926109,92.3530603448276,85.1302681992337,5.874165298303231,21.965106732348108,7.1686216300943375,0.6802095238095238,941,33,214,14,28,324,127,261,0.209,0.608,0.183,-0.9643,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,0,2,23,24,5,2,6,3,23,5,0,4,0,57,58,35,0,9,13,0,9,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,17,0,0,14,0,0,2,6,10,2,1,2,9,38,14,13,47,4,14,0,1,0,4,28,3,3,9,11,139,50,2,0.20006813828908607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775213461723886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323635909045887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994614705382317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352426930983385,0.36587904040711305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617049294620555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754048802608566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607155922619523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540616173286685,0.21439307695384105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495976999322974,0.10452734474815883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019880510339072,0.0,0.08845979697693275,0.0,0.17922175451980246,0.09876293316293366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410145583981695,0.0,0.0,0.09935640198687064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805396060855654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492832485477302,0.0,0.11284278717240305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548637307206895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850453883345255,0.18056930598753426,0.0,0.06677351793125967,0.0,0.0,0.10896642729067076,0.0,0.0,0.10081081343353723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707310177751096,0.14834798948718206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778567415440033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734589068309671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120610513141039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408438621272879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405524286236269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804035955551914,0.1748683712248141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941587698681292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101733944558766,0.0,0.17700805732443914,0.07940238788428748,0.0,0.0,0.08994264176968814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565198747448144,0.0,0.0,0.07106133260262631,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cezz2,2019/08/17,"please hi, i am a young girl. i have emerging bpd at quite a young age and i feel so alone, its like im stuck and trapped and there is nothing i can do. im slowly engaging in more and more risky behaviours because its all too much. its like im deadpan yet feeling so much. i want it all to stop but im getting help. but i feel really alone, i feel like there is so little representation and i just need reassurance that im not alone.",-0.13530791788856433,2.006182096774197,2.1717888563049854,94.55041055718478,88.24731182795698,5.532355816226785,20.282502443792765,6.980632752743323,0.3001053763440864,337,11,80,5,11,114,55,93,0.16,0.634,0.20600000000000002,0.5367,0,4,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,2,18,14,10,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,8,5,3,13,6,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,8,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41269550198627175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096801915717587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728664436856772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686383638807264,0.09488918929408566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939483641315285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902884324853813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7173612740561002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467267029055207,0.1331241172420055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528122259711614,0.09848699866514543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744780352461824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580040036933986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127422274288468,0.0,0.0,0.08509018398169832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104645705257678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834278651475902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadlilbumblebee,2019/08/17,"I am a porcupine Not literally, like I'm not physically spiny... I mean when it comes to interacting with people, trying to get close and form relationships, I feel like I don't know how.

TL;DR: I feel like I have emotional bristles that prevent me from accepting kindness and sincere attention from people; in a more intimate social interaction my first instinct is to deny my feelings and shut them up inside. I often ""lash out"" in an aggressive way and then become burdened by immense shame because I can't talk about these things or ""open up"" to people.


I was journalling this morning and I remembered an interaction I had with a stranger when I was high as fuck, this was 6 years ago, I'm not currently using anything. For the longest time I've avoided this memory because it's accompanied with a strong feeling of shame. 

Context: was high as fuck in a public place, a kind woman approached me and asked me if I was okay. She called me ""sweetie"" and offered to take me home. 

So, my reaction? I felt hot, my first instinct was denial, her tone was unnacceptable to me, I could not admit that I was overwhelmed and I felt ashamed, as if there was something wrong with me and that I was sick and horrible. I assumed the worst, I thought this woman hated me and was judging me, first I felt immensely afraid of her, and then I felt angry and vindictive. How could she ask me that!? Of course I'm fine! Wtf you stupid bitch get out of my personal space, I'm cool, drugs are cool, I can handle it! 

Years later I recognize that hers was a tone of kindness, that she was concerned about me and trying to help, offer some care. I was incapable of being aware of myself and my condition, incapable of accepting her good intentions; I assumed the worst, got upset, and like literally ran away from her lmao I was trippin balls. 

I reflected on this memory today because I wanted to acknowledge and reflect on that sense of shame... Like why, why would I feel so ashamed and upset when someone was trying to be kind to me? This memory was completely unbearable, for years it would try to come to the surface of my mind, and I felt such extreme emotion connected to the memory that I continue to push it down. I realize that it's irrational to feel so much shame because of a simple encounter like this... but though it was quick and simple, to me it was extremely important. Today I've raise the question, why can't I accept kindness? Why can't I trust people and accept them when they want to be kind to me, why am I always so suspicious, pushing the right people away and getting involved with those who aren't sincere? 

I've made a connection between this incident and my perpetual behavior, I realize my reactions prevent me from accepting kindness from people, giving them my attention, becoming intimate (not physically), I am incapable of having ""real talk"". Just like a porcupine I am bristly, and these overwhelming feelings and projections and unhealthy, black/white perceptions prevent me from having authentic interactions with other people. 

I cannot be vulnerable; I become angry, intolerant, and spiteful. I can't accept love or care or kindness. I feel overwhelming shame about my behavior and have no self esteem. I've put up walls as a means of defense, I think they are remnants of a terrifying childhood, a defense mechanism put in place to cope with my terrifying, abusive mother. 

I am a porcupine. Porcupines aren't even that cute I ought to have said hedgehog, those guys are much cuter. Sorry for the long post it feels good to write this out. I'm trying to be more aware of these irrational emotional reactions. Thanks fam!",6.5819422400110446,7.4972327908011875,7.050026223173004,72.43525740114555,65.30563798219585,10.602111655510315,35.110620385066596,10.572513367410108,3.970555075564143,2887,131,493,73,43,944,285,674,0.185,0.687,0.128,-0.9919,1,1,2,0,0,0,99.0,0,1,5,4,22,63,9,14,24,3,53,5,0,5,0,115,101,51,0,9,12,1,15,7,0,3,2,1,1,5,36,42,0,6,38,1,0,8,14,27,0,3,30,18,89,36,77,61,8,58,0,3,0,3,43,26,3,10,29,349,125,1,0.0,0.06711337444164604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021111192827441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047131992368107715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046612836221735336,0.0,0.10590819338617807,0.0,0.10643700739112354,0.0,0.0,0.1381175913070848,0.1876751363609156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057839423630858026,0.0,0.11550380046549345,0.0,0.0,0.09758684931143707,0.05938971113427448,0.0,0.0,0.09045057167956284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568856433725087,0.0,0.0,0.19114919497764027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03741254734380816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25776624311284,0.08093236318984103,0.27193357648959365,0.0,0.0,0.14454298893671336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473214545886024,0.0887817908320819,0.05433767895728767,0.0,0.09501988724496616,0.04530304174905121,0.0,0.0,0.0560860451518155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055923803767395884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037966994605839764,0.11969409474962732,0.05681812457682017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471884537978053,0.031129827691013582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937123283943159,0.0,0.0,0.050127781773554765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112303832553454,0.05359752064272229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340291852175833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057193863901640385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327909084776572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748866617139379,0.04945898520846257,0.11836096067793905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424888751782763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388487670663938,0.06345376795684342,0.0,0.0,0.06447278967993401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081400173016562,0.06416612894091421,0.04837330390979727,0.05388101146861346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590916026633802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577409918426837,0.047993917634399884,0.04360699170974352,0.0,0.06340784520008895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258891933269179,0.09105592059732676,0.0,0.0521497939384412,0.0,0.0,0.03763147457593522,0.036294915959070334,0.05565202525081591,0.044968671731319146,0.033029324340480413,0.0,0.10738297266936823,0.0,0.0,0.19228634762669825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892186243764525,0.0,0.0,0.06681969672926537,0.0449610336235952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555600823407047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047594158352518,0.06193085765966488,0.0,0.1094298163054859
bpd,adoormanliterally,2019/08/17,"Ghosted in LDR I got ghosted by a girl I loved basically my whole life again ! We have be on and off dating since high school, I know toxic.  But this time around it felt different we were talking about a future together. There was no warning signs this  time she just disappeared. Im wondering how to deal with this? My heart wants to accept her back in my life when she inevitably comes back(she has done this 3-4 times over the 8 years we have know each other) , and to have patience because she has had alot of trauma but the other part of me feels hurt and abandoned by her. My phone number has been blocked after I called twice, then I called on my house phone twice to no prevail. Im not sure how much time I should give before trying to reaching out again. Its been two weeks. She may also have BPD ( and no not because we’re not on good terms, she has had serious childhood trauma)and I Am looking for advice from people that have any experience doing this or experiencing it. Its quite a conflict within me, I really miss her but am frustrated she would do this to me.",6.290955766192732,6.147377459715643,6.1992535545023735,81.93483609794632,65.87203791469193,8.929067930489731,29.90560821484992,8.344100000000001,1.961094470774092,848,26,169,10,12,267,134,211,0.183,0.782,0.035,-0.9852,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,1,11,10,1,0,6,0,24,4,1,2,1,38,36,13,2,3,8,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,13,12,0,3,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,3,9,4,28,4,25,23,6,29,0,3,1,1,21,11,0,4,16,127,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288162681694882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874605765071532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247352966545533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210542585318357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912603130532847,0.0,0.16578871413872026,0.0,0.11571205119515406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126661829659107,0.0,0.2777089747811953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713785413634213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401931487619225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207394792594086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915846327126938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330180807464792,0.0,0.0,0.06875740783169465,0.0,0.13056560732257858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044788630265114,0.0,0.11405661490956698,0.1087585291210142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114125312827593,0.0,0.14367416829923355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690684843394384,0.14557328554299265,0.0,0.2937713048600241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946609060907753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920985150014716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419199861017575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273053282562026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996361256833272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472570168966643,0.0,0.09427392525901836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463532622691205,0.0,0.0,0.0871145937309413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376226906829658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248706174800598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816295946363868,0.0,0.0,0.10929848868406856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171725866029113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232395676111396,0.0,0.13283624471298291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020666661680992,0.0,0.10907786344262957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182086366485467,0.0,0.0,0.1474684431722343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659886729831076,0.0,0.0,0.08756899760574889
bpd,lasaine-macarooney,2019/08/17,"Needing Reasons to Continue I had to stop my job and drop out of school in 2017. Fast foreward to know and I just had my 8th inpatient stay and, ooph, who knows what number attempt I took. 

I've been working really hard to take control over my bpd. Generally, I function as more of a 'quiet' bpd individual than in my teens. I put all my eggs in one basket (not smart, I know, I was hopeless and this gave me hope for a little while). My claim for SSI benefits was denied. I know I can appeal but I don't know where to start. Frankly, a switch was pulled and suddenly I only feel my effort is worth going towards maladaptive behaviors and actions. Worst part, I'mbpd being super terrible to anyone that dares to come near me. 

I'm sad, I'm hurting, i need support and I'm definitely not brave enough to post on r/toastme.

Thank you all for the support that just posting here can even bring. I've never had a friend with bpd and it can feel really nice to be with similar people.",2.4160512820512854,4.474864066666669,3.944743589743592,86.07608974358975,77.56410256410257,7.0,24.679487179487186,7.984000788550335,1.439717948717949,763,27,154,13,18,253,127,195,0.153,0.696,0.151,-0.1439,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,5,5,15,0,0,5,0,14,1,0,2,3,34,37,11,0,3,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,12,1,2,8,0,1,7,4,5,0,1,9,4,22,10,26,26,6,28,0,3,0,0,4,10,0,1,7,98,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242125612891863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994170454520675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385881188292185,0.0,0.0,0.148247783974309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657421028555225,0.0,0.08730168501464924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366536072539195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211964934818432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511925500153341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840466112881827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128161968679106,0.0,0.0,0.14149824969925004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116531196907394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632052084914976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247611320550248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960151932608214,0.10194307783425692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956657967270873,0.1005265912295167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431348483280412,0.0,0.0916349134160978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531781248122012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287442769946364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693519863924347,0.1359000060161218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377021599742495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355558567209417,0.14088313257725782,0.0,0.11050591974122982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999858658588702,0.0,0.0,0.09938068067188996,0.0,0.0,0.12169085526720083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685354928941974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622645568816446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,comfortablynummb,2019/08/17,"Yknow whats fun? Splitting on your fave due to fear of abandonment. It has been forever since I last split on someone, anyone, and I am *terrified* of myself rn. 

I thought I'd been better in this regard? That I can have a fave and *not* go into split mode when they mention their other friends and say they're cool? And apparently nnnnooope, my fear of abandonment goes 0 to 100 in 0.4 seconds and I turn into a fucking monster.

I want to throw up and cry and take a shower and just, disappear, I think. As soon as my fave mentions his other (apparently cool) friends, alarm bells go off in my brain, telling me how it's only a matter of time before he leaves me for them (wtf???) and how he probably only uses me as a distraction when he has no one else to talk with or spend time with and I'm... I hate myself so much for not being able to get past this fear of being replaced and of not being valued by people I hold dear, I just...",1.1436315789473674,3.3353395210526333,2.89605263157895,91.21986842105262,82.73684210526315,5.694736842105264,21.07894736842105,6.961326702584282,0.4985578947368423,719,22,153,9,20,238,116,190,0.17,0.6940000000000001,0.136,-0.8397,3,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,3,1,8,16,2,5,5,2,10,2,1,3,0,31,22,20,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,8,15,0,3,2,0,1,4,4,9,0,2,3,3,23,7,28,16,1,21,0,2,0,1,15,9,1,1,8,101,31,0,0.15878003975858904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102269561901557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511011913204085,0.0,0.0,0.14042804204340478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725103608250434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441241793853116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264034900860588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536015064621329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453461296931351,0.14678958820934135,0.08295601736939727,0.0,0.1804767113645166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676241692844226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294269244928551,0.0,0.16812513607647175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116721598688091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759346420014723,0.2415187502780463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157351428556262,0.11007808729713817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711917380227597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626826058017768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134448967596224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453381242674814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938282947869858,0.12762138147694482,0.1387807532625515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173983822029813,0.0,0.1260536156657708,0.1851718361169781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270708842115012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371349743709173,0.0,0.0,0.0936525812985926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdgal,2019/08/17,Idk Getting extremely tired of being borderline,9.657142857142855,14.411569,9.054285714285717,42.61571428571432,73.28571428571428,14.228571428571426,49.85714285714285,11.20814326018867,9.981114285714286,41,3,3,2,1,13,7,7,0.479,0.521,0.0,-0.5563,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413819744279792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9103588409216488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hous3r,2019/08/17,"I'm trying Every day seems the same, am I stuck in a groundhog day? I wake up, I seem to be rested, but everything comes back. The confusion, the pain, the fatigue, the helplessness, the infinite struggle. And yet the sun shines, the birds chirp and bugs walk around the plants. People walk and chat, children play. It all looks so foreign and new, yet somehow old and boring. I try my best not to give in, but the void is deep within me, yet the hope is always there. I don’t want to die, I just want to live, yet living is so hard. I love life even though it hurts like hell. I keep going. I put on a clean shirt, I take my guitar and sing and dance as if I am living my best days, I feel alive even though I am lost in the feeling. I look at the sky and it looks at me. I am tired, I think. My back still hurts. And everything is too much and yet not enough. I am living on a border line. Balancing. What happened? I used to be alright. Etcetera etcetera. 15 steps and a sheer drop. New day, I take my guitar and sing and dance and be in the moment. I fall down, I get up, I fall down again. Is this all there’s gonna be? Being lost in it, flowing like a river, ups and downs, ups and downs. Infinite hope, infinite void, and I am in between.",0.460504790504789,2.4548075057915058,1.9557443157443155,98.12631774631777,83.98069498069498,5.072558272558274,17.7007007007007,6.238725200709706,-0.4372961246961249,940,21,223,8,27,303,133,259,0.187,0.6509999999999999,0.163,-0.8112,0,0,0,0,0,1,51.0,0,0,0,4,21,20,1,2,19,1,17,7,2,1,2,41,44,25,1,5,6,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,6,19,0,1,5,8,0,11,3,11,0,3,3,7,30,9,27,35,8,54,1,6,4,1,4,22,1,7,22,152,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887198604479682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508088072659876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642559913259036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417472898230664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200477928480502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27552673464566513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084881072637577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036018965523328,0.0,0.1410900417479089,0.0,0.08998951003692747,0.0,0.1919825020661776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800966397057704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055802252917276335,0.10245901357792744,0.060700883507916935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444908365004012,0.0,0.09567809933455897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216691521170936,0.0,0.0,0.2286782202883399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493497540312416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754409477788352,0.10436101728529536,0.0,0.3772501762857545,0.0,0.2690729578157884,0.0,0.2331849304195319,0.0,0.09639749393893343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851543959612109,0.0,0.0,0.2063097460429742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207598708737124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136501860168203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404653047231452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737054243684434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944661757609391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529621384467853,0.0,0.0,0.11165787411675754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061115409833984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843761747687553,0.2098746843896158,0.0,0.0,0.1227589427251722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450298936604956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224696129726624,0.0,0.0,0.12599508013285474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,belongsinjail,2019/08/17,"how do i cut off my fp he is bad for me and ive been trying to stop being friends with him for months but im extremely dependent on him. i need to detach myself because this has destroyed my mental health

any advice is appreciated",2.625,4.27301816666667,4.823333333333334,81.855,75.66666666666666,7.300000000000002,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.4413999999999998,184,6,37,3,4,64,40,48,0.179,0.701,0.12,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,7,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,1,7,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304997567069974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999777913896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282395374731404,0.206172707996318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613040487220055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595067000494805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653302082065995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34084114320039466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699599642357097,0.0,0.0,0.25078211655154725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827628612166377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296257652670732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,apocryphos,2019/08/17,"Concerned about isolationism trends in Germany. Sitting beside my partner in bed and realizing how alone I am and will always be. He is talking on the phone with his father currently while I just contacted Verizon customer support (pretending I wanted to buy a phone) just to talk to someone. Earlier, when his grandfather called I aimlessly clicked around on my computer.

My partner and I have been spending the summer in Germany-- far from our Wisconsin home. Despite sending messages to my family such as ""we should call soon!"", ""When will you be free to Skype?""... I haven't received a single phone call.

My interactions have been limited to one-offs such as taxi drivers and a woman by the Rhein who I randomly started a conversation with (who hasn't wanted to meet up again).

I know BPD influences me to feel lonely, even when in the presence of others. This knowledge does not fill the empty holes in my bones and soul.

I have one friend. We cannot talk much due to time zone differences. We met earlier this year and she moved back to Pakistan. I fear the divide will soon fade our friendship. Unsurprisingly, I have never been able to keep contact with someone once out of my sight.

I keep scrolling through my online Facebook contacts and I see no one who would be welcoming to a crying mess such as myself. I did reach out to someone I used to be friends with and await response.

I'm so lonely. Despite feeling empty, I also feel incredibly heavy and tired. Support me before I fall, please.",5.500232919254657,7.363432822463771,5.653830227743272,77.93630434782611,68.60144927536231,8.445548654244305,33.0703933747412,8.976282227363876,3.0325219461697714,1193,55,204,22,21,377,166,276,0.08800000000000001,0.804,0.10800000000000001,0.5829,1,6,0,0,0,0,41.0,5,1,0,1,18,10,0,1,11,0,22,2,1,3,1,40,37,19,0,4,3,1,3,0,4,5,1,0,2,3,6,19,0,3,6,1,3,5,6,4,0,2,5,6,37,7,38,23,2,34,1,2,3,0,39,12,0,1,16,147,43,1,0.1256776201442617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301641120823479,0.0,0.10050434742329256,0.10457384778426468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187972713117167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663833227441523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694239814865676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582865630180369,0.0,0.3849927053028029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805096436206934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130636393285014,0.0,0.0,0.10998133231478012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300888281141992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847767525025167,0.14142226312052808,0.19063914280471936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941964351332809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606490013149285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341608664410967,0.0,0.0,0.06906913327757422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133575420800698,0.09238751145834334,0.0,0.0969303284347758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384256377983444,0.2554872239163776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795628663738566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014879171864403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194587191268213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895526639726935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852349479850569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030447314649529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328363097876785,0.1444479364310438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085451121166438,0.0,0.0,0.14825583311188734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927777548340482,0.0,0.0,0.08093226687027186
bpd,plusoneday,2019/08/17,"Down and tired of fighting and hoping I don't know what else to do. I'm using my powers to function the best I can in this world but still getting nowhere. I hate that I want more of life. I hate that I get hopeful sometimes and think that things will turn around for me. I only get disappointed. I hoped of overcoming depression and anxiety, I hoped of making new friends, I hoped of finding something I will feel good at, hoped of love...  


Fighting, fighting, fighting to function, to survive. Surviving from one episode to another. But I'm I thriving? Or just keeping my head over water so I don't drown? I'm tired of all this. Don't know what to do. Medication and therapy doesn't seem to work even after years. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't see reason. What can I do?",1.57554298642534,3.966666192307692,2.8901055806938203,90.68626696832581,82.58974358974359,5.721870286576168,25.84313725490196,7.048011613610866,1.1930879336349929,610,26,125,8,17,197,86,156,0.168,0.569,0.263,0.9677,1,0,1,0,9,0,24.0,0,0,0,5,5,19,7,0,1,0,13,7,1,3,1,29,40,9,1,8,4,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,7,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,0,2,19,10,23,38,3,10,0,2,1,1,7,6,0,8,4,81,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113427077193199,0.08837356237348418,0.0,0.11456619708676705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283854676749754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123259257993366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949842106717256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965033145835176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630080172712103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841109587278232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558447579700728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925155472144056,0.0,0.18106550609894626,0.0,0.0,0.09689387774355147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281069515994183,0.11855829447958037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6884329551570268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268073700262048,0.0,0.0,0.1269750914645791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159618818263349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426258268698714,0.0,0.07711143814319812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163756670002492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157129753582323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828029706227307,0.08785923781905956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877524943545703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205560707876108,0.10516635288745882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893402520243025,0.11425362826071532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225554716704007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210880000535494,0.0,0.07674729159528443,0.07402145491047069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655497335762378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565412115756927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977340734575883,0.0,0.0,0.13627504122490142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410096225673329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439200045402257
bpd,yeahimgoodipromise,2019/08/17,"The weather definitely messes with me me sometimes. DAE ever hear that it’s going to rain and be excited to listen to or watch it, and then hate it when it actually happens? It’s been hot where I live so when I heard it was going to rain, I was happy bc it was going to break the heat. And it sounds nice, yk? And a few hours later when the sky started clouding up, I spiraled into a mood so bad I couldn’t stop crying. It’s ridiculous, but does anyone else deal with this?",1.577878787878788,3.3658591111111162,3.598989898989899,88.8518181818182,79.10101010101009,5.612121212121212,21.1010101010101,6.42735559955562,0.2843010101010104,368,10,78,3,9,125,65,99,0.114,0.8059999999999999,0.08,-0.5216,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,12,15,12,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,11,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,5,6,7,3,9,8,1,17,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,9,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.2254581807710199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154600968336058,0.2367240752801724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290572800728026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537826162488751,0.0,0.2381883643689104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218149422106266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300125065310114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898563398766695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939098992213579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430470899315387,0.24594252402069205,0.0,0.2281005949451265,0.0,0.0,0.2603947929619647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22752429686659176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040093574895269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285008887118453,0.0,0.1635287398370207,0.0,0.0,0.19315675990903947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zipzapzip2233,2019/08/17,"Dr. Jordan Petersons quick thoughts on BPD... Thoughts? https://youtu.be/TNQQIRKLPHs I found this insightful and yet kind of enraging in a way. Perhaps it was the fact that it felt like he was alluding that this is an incurable condition, but is he really wrong? I've been engaged in intensive therapy now for almost 5 years and it's saved my life, but at this point I am kind of starting to realize that many aspects of my personality can become manageable at best. This has been kind a very difficult for me to accept because naively I went into therapy thinking it would basically be like going to the dentists office except for for my brain. Open me up, remove the decay, seal me back up and send me back out to the world a new person, never to have any major issues again. How naive of me. 

Anyway, would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.",6.74088607594937,7.632271189873421,7.002379746835443,73.00053164556962,64.9493670886076,10.62379746835443,32.88860759493671,10.577609850970193,3.6229625316455705,680,27,118,17,10,220,106,158,0.094,0.754,0.152,0.9115,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,8,14,1,0,8,0,13,5,1,1,2,26,24,7,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,11,7,0,0,9,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,10,2,12,10,24,11,2,28,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,1,13,84,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393059993079912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460461522122224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139454154713914,0.0,0.08480468716754269,0.15364425899789505,0.0,0.0,0.14599514800999092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521351875294142,0.15530104810554154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608352997892648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357453842807118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525350689628245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906363498068511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679544156401015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520244123000986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346081506749003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826274698299592,0.13593148731980814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555890183783888,0.0,0.0,0.14104322716833004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729592957931668,0.1343604698271987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429439279115282,0.0,0.0,0.13151092734735242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891221806919683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846802495354452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31818578485793264,0.0,0.0,0.08914082455544027,0.0,0.3313310725237494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478643994055432,0.0,0.11042493154115048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896324084586824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976500454697465,0.15210305827498433,0.0,0.08958705646654648
bpd,hassan828292,2019/08/17,"Becoming a couch? I used to be bpd but i got cheated on by every relationship i been in and been treated badly by people yada yada yada
Idgaf really i have no pitty for myself and others. I recently been feeling no emotions what so ever for a year and emotional people really make me cringe.
Only emotions i feel is being horny and wanting to have sex with alot of girls i meet. Almost any girl that looks 7/10 i want to get in and never talk to them again. (Girls reading this,i adore you)
Is it possible that my bpd turned to aspd?",1.8774681393373,4.182350102803738,4.19429056924384,82.31695836873408,80.6822429906542,6.507731520815634,20.942225998300763,7.686295010490155,1.1186897196261687,419,12,77,7,11,145,74,107,0.136,0.7759999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.8124,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,2,17,19,7,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,3,13,2,14,13,1,8,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,2,5,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984005628953946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854957501706776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327910394890832,0.0,0.1762918117581698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020808700168001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5386654602011787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438875570879675,0.1344898335349381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142105587203034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833967837211179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766563748866666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404368757554486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655004480652014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311162124237834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140100031467588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213259201650236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995171345764874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966687479888902,0.0,0.20451803151644374,0.0,0.15760912524095955,0.17137609306953588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829946623196212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362472496752274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786360725691535,0.0,0.0,0.18830036241263406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279241539890736
bpd,sydneydan2000,2019/08/17,"Dreams and Deja Vu I was wondering if this had anything to do with bpd or just any type of disorder. 
For as long as I can remember I’ve had extremely vivid dreams. I can remember 4 different dreams perfectly I had whenever I was a small kid. Then ever since I hit high school and left I’ve been having extremely vivid dreams that sometimes make me question whether it was reality or not. In a lot of my dreams I’m also self aware. Maybe not completely self aware but I’m able to have logic and think things in my dreams. I’m not sure how to explain it but I’m sure if anyone else relates they’ll understand. Many of my dreams are reoccurring nightmares, dreams about people abandoning me, or dreams that I’m in some type of game. All the way from game shows to actual video games. I have so many dreams collected by now I’m honestly thinking of writing a bunch of short stories. Kinda got off topic there but you catch what I’m trying to throw. 
Now with deja vu. I remember the very first moment I had. I was probably about 10 with my mom and we were window shopping when I saw a rusty red bike in the corner of some shop. Immediately I started freaking out telling my mom I had seen that bike before in that same exact spot. I was thinking all day about it whenever I realized it had been in a dream I remembered. Ever since then I’ve had deja vu about past dreams I’ve had. Thank god none of them were the nightmares but really just scenes in the dreams. 
If none of this makes sense I’m sorry but if it does pleeeeaaasse reply so I know I’m not alone with this haha.",1.813464837049744,4.130499157232705,3.1964837049742734,89.30880789022301,81.0125786163522,6.873413379073758,21.900514579759864,8.00094639256281,1.1239358490566036,1244,39,259,24,33,405,162,318,0.046,0.7759999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.992,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,2,2,16,8,0,0,10,1,25,0,0,3,8,61,49,26,0,4,19,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,14,10,0,1,14,22,2,2,6,2,0,1,20,5,28,6,36,27,9,30,0,1,5,0,16,14,0,13,13,157,42,3,0.10904461559474336,0.0,0.1064118149455626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293733562075875,0.0,0.08720293969438178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415407790362577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624653063744344,0.11172909497330184,0.08973442743107903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278893635568827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733787605384598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143312047904579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032475602263899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139284143331614,0.12497457665402616,0.0,0.09542567794565696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109278402995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727419545501104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092753294319421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721294050632722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521162334068401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059928068967807085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184772939039278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965010533674098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927058327062955,0.0,0.0,0.14557625530961646,0.22110824996776532,0.10954997295742992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554234717339635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409542424062428,0.07559780645584402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175685388041858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215492549875805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985677299695536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941051699657648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103589725960634,0.0,0.0,0.2275146316246121,0.0,0.0,0.180405665711874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784791308680217,0.1220665195441447,0.07718234016751567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055465194160565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530980036579334,0.10039363143349524,0.0,0.0,0.07244439725562442,0.209614159933544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403413611227286,0.0,0.0,0.11351929049904425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997322794165641,0.0,0.08655454025004199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182542340806239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alcoholicrat,2019/08/17,first post! new to this community even though I’ve been on reddit for almost a year (and was diagnosed with borderline around 4 yrs ago) I never thought to find any bpd groups but now that I have it feels like such a sigh of relief. having a group of people who share similar experiences instead of the usual conversations with people who have no idea how to talk about/deal with bpd makes me feel relieved that there’s a safe space to talk with others :),6.798750000000003,6.77248592045455,6.560363636363636,79.37554545454545,64.79545454545455,9.76727272727273,27.82727272727273,9.3871,2.0752200000000003,363,9,71,6,5,114,69,88,0.028999999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.237,0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,2,1,17,9,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,2,3,5,14,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,8,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047871552124924,0.0,0.19257916250068602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078315118161254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120420786383453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844367488529847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951991938530256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702453243141182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812436193460705,0.0,0.0,0.1944839890039908,0.13739234992856192,0.0,0.0,0.17577559300223386,0.16358598820869866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710413806771794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395708769026292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837406886344474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832785637920526,0.18574237205185687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26665881716073536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418792787753785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091565947834728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188951915553432,0.15267937914625387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181161881208896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384678614655685
bpd,baboykaba,2019/08/17,"Worried for my SO I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD but Ive resonated so much with what has been said in this group and the documentaries I’ve watched on it. 

My SO is normal and even has a very positive outlook on everything. He’s so bright eyed, free, and so open-minded. He’s amazing and I’ve never felt so loved in a relationship before. I’m afraid I’m going to ruin him. 

I have very bad lows and I tend to get suicidal ideations. Anxiety attacks and crying spells. (Usually when I have too much time to think or crazy stressed) Right now I have too much time to think because I’ve just graduated college. I put so much time and energy into Nursing school that now I don’t know who I am anymore without it. I tried all the things I remembered I resonated with before Nursing School and it just wasn’t the same. 

SO just left to vacation with his family for the next 2 weeks and I think it triggered something in me and I’ve just been upset and extra sensitive. He texts/face times me as often as he can but my mind has made it seem like he’s just talking to me as a last resort/out of pity which makes me so mad because I have too much pride to be pitied like that. But my rational mind knows he isn’t like that at all and that he calls me because he misses me. He’s really sweet during our calls but I’m either crying or acting cold, but he doesn’t deserve that but I don’t want to get hurt if I say something sweet and vulnerable and he just has to leave the call. So I just don’t answer his calls because I’m afraid that I’ll just end up sending negative energy while he’s supposed to be having fun. 

Is it selfish of me to stay in this relationship? I really try to be self aware and hold it in when I feel like I’m going to lash out (even though it makes me feel like my brain is going to burst- with everything I’m feeling) but sometimes it slips and I send him something I don’t mean. (I never demean him)

I really don’t want to jade him. He’s a sweet guy through and through. I’m just too much and I don’t make sense.",2.072808857808856,3.618449655011657,3.6906002331002337,89.82769522144524,76.92540792540792,7.0976689976689995,23.105477855477854,7.8897218956490685,0.9827114219114216,1598,48,356,25,36,532,185,429,0.153,0.6940000000000001,0.153,0.3435,0,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,1,31,28,2,4,9,0,31,4,2,5,4,76,64,45,1,4,21,0,4,5,0,0,1,2,0,2,21,25,0,1,13,0,1,7,14,14,0,0,7,13,44,15,41,54,11,38,0,6,3,1,36,14,0,5,21,219,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061296001561284924,0.0,0.07946324225137248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115464085657904,0.0,0.0,0.06690167854369153,0.19537572452057803,0.0,0.13636227263997736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091561361615872,0.08944686846282639,0.3272695155132457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760288114577759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132597897124305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096765753354836,0.0,0.0,0.10584464258727633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402376710974912,0.0,0.07553545335577667,0.0,0.1215420039994458,0.11448374494326022,0.07693331316501333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837248248341588,0.0,0.1366119799816968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933711848961066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577630353657655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807006525055946,0.06531320406653053,0.0,0.08484163062904272,0.08705689324341373,0.0,0.0,0.1957270413588628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723166437962073,0.0758169493761028,0.16045373885153869,0.0,0.0,0.08728046292284879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271258625709474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35341000138689765,0.0,0.12359588060417427,0.0,0.08521467489049002,0.0,0.07850625102967812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054853870505861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539918771454244,0.0,0.0,0.17205020065271473,0.09076688793130494,0.06842697739940938,0.07621796437339072,0.0637192354119043,0.0,0.16218313196010295,0.0,0.07294349981662021,0.08358866219851183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505421761616594,0.07924644416453397,0.0,0.0,0.08540341925653286,0.0,0.0,0.09178380903818732,0.0,0.0,0.0876445972002987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440206598679074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323200716485358,0.1540240913878386,0.0787231709698801,0.0,0.18688794417501567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880028858729404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824722539759558,0.13222431812181076,0.0945205207908651,0.0,0.06427206673859824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723839158553804,0.0,0.0,0.08137161789296538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dwarfcorgi,2019/08/17,"Am I enough? It's a question that everyone wrestles with, but for me (/us) it's something that just drags me down to the depths.  Olly from Philosophy Tube describes his ideation as a [cosmonaut's](https://youtu.be/eQNw2FBdpyE?t=636) journey, but I see it as a submariner: delving deep into yourself, withdrawing and suffocating because the waves above tossed you about.  Maybe you saw them coming, maybe you didn't; it doesn't matter.

I feel as though my condition makes me an inadequate partner to my girlfriend, much like a puzzle with pieces that've been chewed up and spit out, frayed edges that barely make a cohesive person.

I know I can be better, but I'm stuck in this metal mental coffin reaching for the surface, the lighter cerulean waters above.  Trapped in apathy, depression, demotivation, fear, anxiety and a self-hatred so obscene it'd make even the most sorry lot feel okay about themselves.  I try, but I always fear she will one day realize she can get someone better (because she is that amazing).
Do any of you feel the same for those that care about you?",9.327329842931936,9.124845528795817,8.045387434554979,71.40033246073303,59.6806282722513,10.571937172774867,37.42460732984293,9.888512548439397,3.6653262827225137,860,35,143,14,10,262,131,191,0.19,0.711,0.098,-0.9703,0,1,1,0,0,0,41.0,1,5,1,2,7,9,0,2,13,1,11,3,1,3,0,27,25,12,1,0,5,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,12,8,2,0,6,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,4,5,23,6,21,18,6,12,0,1,2,0,15,9,0,4,2,97,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318045664332665,0.0,0.0,0.10771994673170232,0.0,0.12117839562212585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312284845564548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801903971956167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150312746008905,0.0,0.0,0.13645076005513754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021572809862724,0.0,0.13643287322626169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367336431155075,0.0,0.1046241487799144,0.0,0.0,0.151361521957784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35649639885235873,0.24028100806257716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275939448516127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705452996577984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773880457048046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466915971659565,0.0,0.0,0.31720709590104346,0.0,0.3182756116735903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963367092921513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644494440652765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733844548147163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383119994316607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744839447457947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622723894145174,0.0,0.1652496038797603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421493952197958,0.12194690584841385,0.0,0.17731997153425114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556308293107595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754571324730468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905401453103369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BananaPieGirl_,2019/08/17,"“Honestly I don’t fucking know why sandy is chasing me around. That attention whore.” Thanks james, very cool. why didn’t you tell me that to my fucking face, you pussy. If you really don’t care about me JUST FUCKING SAY IT oh and maybe DONT PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. funny how when I had brakedowns you did the absolutely nothing to comfort me except that one time when I was literally gonna kill myself. Funny how you barely reacting to my brakedowns made me feel even crazier then I already did post-brakedown so I’d end up apologizing for something I can barely control. Fuck you fuck you fuck you",1.801607142857144,4.580457033613445,2.8786922268907595,87.67081144957987,87.90756302521008,5.3279411764705875,24.244222689075627,6.9077264865688965,1.186028991596639,493,20,91,7,16,157,81,119,0.193,0.677,0.129,-0.8317,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,8,0,1,9,14,7,0,2,1,10,8,1,5,0,15,23,8,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,6,4,22,6,10,16,0,8,0,0,0,7,11,2,6,1,6,59,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250434172609656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302504551219802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090152834877587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550002108099658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196640250129354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240193689674868,0.0,0.0,0.09127812381789728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975358372990104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7665679901229736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152895021972198,0.0,0.07594971388336681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076578508809802,0.0,0.0,0.13883793096215016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326041971352819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936461804596237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235497241956642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853283633724614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990017288241496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063911620887463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207906777699014,0.12723366052695886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058405457042002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402738377908725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494034380972728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889946379959166
bpd,krider109,2019/08/17,Hard time leaving job Do any of you hate the job you work at like so absolutely but you get this overwhelming anxiety about quitting that even when you get a new job offer you subtly think of way to ruin it for you self?,4.386666666666667,5.092797888888889,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,70.1111111111111,8.666666666666668,26.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.675444444444444,175,5,37,3,3,57,36,45,0.21,0.757,0.034,-0.8422,3,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,6,0,2,4,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,6,5,0,5,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,22,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345306559464633,0.0,0.1726253758588562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904292893400806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357907365501344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214246140972575,0.2227874898233269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6717829879388919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23893595018875044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024358267980736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793890225659385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001175561369895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354072673913347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459054418941608,0.0,0.0,0.13158118305010993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791143510646327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642794499819334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DSToRrm,2019/08/17,"All I want/need is to be held tightly and lovingly, and being a (mostly) straight adult male, I feel like I'm shamed for it. Everytime I've had sex in the past decade (I'm 24 y/o) was really just me desperately trying to (hopefully) get to the part where I can just feel someone hold me against them.  Sex doesn't feel right to me, and I just want to feel safe, warm, and loved.  It's sucks though, because nobody ever figures that a 6'2 dude just wants to be someone's little spoon.  Nah, I'm just supposed to tough it out, like it's my job to be like that.  And anytime I try to tell anyone that I feel this way, I just get invalidated, even by my closest friends who know all about my diagnosis.  If I had to fucking castrate myself just to get the love I need, I would do it with the first rusty, sharp thing I could find.  😔",3.7768446088794927,4.014575680232562,4.777949260042284,88.65711416490488,71.26744186046511,7.882452431289643,26.68287526427061,7.686295010490155,1.1649232558139535,635,19,147,7,11,208,104,172,0.066,0.757,0.177,0.9602,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,1,12,14,2,1,6,0,13,6,0,0,3,37,35,7,0,7,8,0,8,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,11,7,0,4,8,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,8,19,10,18,25,4,11,0,0,0,6,9,7,2,3,6,89,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687453192621453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317442259074228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203629833810332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095433792087352,0.1382593222544676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386421464623574,0.10919429071640456,0.0,0.0,0.13969985383548808,0.13001201277129895,0.0,0.0,0.11808960602453188,0.14130505879041313,0.2395695441563051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518120640447658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516775675727304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400099344364134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240207162942876,0.1531933581436375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41385253235197983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133344909365596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655189569816129,0.14591024205780798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979180279221654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053093723827952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25901439613208604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359545958243035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015450930375762,0.0,0.15017190119457866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754685039204088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27046026222374986,0.12132323789653418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085784847321854,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,totally_not_spez,2019/08/17,"Big rant don't read I do not exactly know why I feel so lonely, trapped, and useless, but I 
do.

I am only keeping myself alive to prevent others from feeling sad. I 
feel like my death would only help, not hinder, but I don't know, I 
deserve pain, so I'll live so that I can keep making sure I am punished 
to the extent that I deserve, while I convince others that I am not 
worth being around.

I feel only anger, resentment, and pure rage at myself for not being as 
good, as kind, or as intelligent as my peers.

I can only study part - time, and I am now on welfare.

I go into hospital once every 4 months at this rate, the same old 
pattern, admit I'm suicidal, get told I have BPD, and get told that they 
can't help me any more. It's humiliating. I know I need to seek help, Not 
for my sake, but so that the other people around me don't get hurt by me.

I went the emergency room, who after consulting me have admitted me to 
a short-term stay ward to help me seek a different hospital ward - 
However I just got told that I will be unable to get a bed at any 
hospital, so they'll have to send me home until I get a placement 
somewhere else. But I feel like I cannot get access to help.

I feel the only acceptable alternative to suicide 
is continued self-harm and reputation destruction. By falsifying several 
types of accusations at myself. Hopefully it will permanently damage my 
reputation to the point that I can no longer volunteer, work in my 
chosen field, and eventually manage to get people around me to detach 
from or hate me, and allow me to kill myself without hurting them.

I want people to see me for who I actually am. Everyone has told me 
things like oh, you're a lovely person, or, you're being to hard on 
yourself. No.

No.

No.

I am not a nice person. I am a manipulative piece of trash.

I am not being too hard on myself, I'm not hard enough. Not nearly enough.

I need to stop existing. I can't do this anymore.",3.565131868131868,4.584256776923077,5.575476190476191,79.89750000000002,72.25641025641025,8.648351648351648,26.236263736263727,9.04235418022936,1.998087912087912,1493,48,303,30,28,520,187,390,0.23199999999999998,0.604,0.165,-0.987,2,3,0,0,0,2,56.0,0,0,3,1,11,25,7,0,13,0,34,2,0,3,3,57,71,25,4,5,18,0,9,3,0,4,1,0,3,2,17,11,0,4,12,1,1,3,20,14,0,0,6,10,59,11,45,56,7,29,0,6,1,1,21,16,0,4,12,209,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.08080520873426858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261974521466545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211977456658576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211405761571962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428931925772876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651303716288355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917250148859247,0.0,0.0,0.17111828539151253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976632927529189,0.07912321048880007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512105392637226,0.11831104621352966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028333907821685,0.0,0.047059683116139575,0.06945245281342965,0.06622629137138865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252959638972725,0.0817522616563266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751042205846416,0.0,0.08305962531708275,0.08224351294894795,0.0,0.0,0.17728777507708696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720081820643807,0.09161086701148352,0.08622810328856713,0.1365214978561146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136223031622152,0.0,0.07311785564537919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747342584785364,0.0,0.055272620352657884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660937303486245,0.0,0.0,0.12279691645790168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688935205650414,0.08818404795811705,0.0,0.31488261750666874,0.08810978409143452,0.0,0.0,0.08966916145609828,0.0,0.1722185605134831,0.1446033219355494,0.0,0.0,0.07827697991355914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282686853562267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598443426705332,0.0,0.08638311125476032,0.09354547098147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825853737979028,0.0,0.06922823669342397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114928009858366,0.0,0.07804222404492239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501160416128316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048283946797425946,0.0,0.0,0.3164928419552002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884021617635455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676056444052401,0.07471814616662488,0.0,0.0,0.07982054501155855,0.0,0.06028263342044364,0.0,0.0,0.05882191294372645,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lovesickfeline,2019/08/17,"Feeling numb and tired Hi.. so, my ex left me 2 months ago, cause, how he told me, I’m „too much and I scared him”. I cut contact with him, but since then.. I’m feeling so numb, tired. It’s hard to me to even leave my home to buy me cigarettes. And when I leave house, it’s for drinking and I drink so much that I pass out. It scares me. And furthermore, my therapist took a break, and I have to wait for my next appointment to 03.09. 
I don’t know what to do, how to feel „good” again. How to recover, feel some energy.
I’m taking my meds regularly, it’s that bad, they don’t help me like earlier?
Can someone tell me, how to feel something, anything besides boredom, emptiness and sometimes sadness? I’ve never felt that for that long.. it was max couple of days and now it’s like 2 months. Please give me some advice...",-0.22619150080688755,2.023024479289944,1.5100511027434107,97.91842791823565,91.18934911242607,4.966218396987628,18.924421732114038,6.574015621080383,-0.022079289940827973,623,19,145,8,22,202,98,169,0.20199999999999999,0.696,0.10099999999999999,-0.9478,0,0,4,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,0,11,9,1,2,1,0,6,6,0,5,1,27,21,18,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,11,10,2,1,7,2,1,2,3,7,0,0,4,7,23,2,15,17,4,16,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,2,13,82,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025358951236168,0.11815730203853553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096898028506506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129512344259793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692990298698135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748754225258714,0.0,0.08596375821942011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611552208578736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803958898277423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369878661999225,0.0,0.12798337458687845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786798176866948,0.0,0.11180088515973344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940545818418767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934431994945524,0.0,0.1337049917651007,0.0,0.0,0.1538036575646926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732550288499669,0.0,0.0,0.282278709876136,0.144824582745367,0.0,0.0,0.130241666297583,0.0,0.0,0.11796120866633153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480598525979819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278838276122392,0.0,0.19597320817850813,0.0,0.10280473590699804,0.0,0.14175993738130546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631704899266862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669015770071005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026237349246264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293977775359874,0.10261641880785877,0.13183141256939968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022068047957344,0.0,0.11650504172312665,0.0,0.0,0.15476488733102828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064042430661273,0.0,0.1273683593737274,0.14809480616476775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SpaghettiSpook,2019/08/17,"DAE ever freak out when their FP tells them they need space? My FP will sometimes have some kind of trouble or problem that they want to be alone to deal with but every time I'm told to go away, give space, etc. I always go full meltdown like I'm a completely worthless pile of crap that nobody cares about even if asked politely and nicely. 

It's so exhausting causing strain on my relationship with them because of that and even when I see I'm doing it, I continue to do it",6.666562499999998,5.7488566979166675,6.648,81.59700000000002,65.35416666666666,9.763333333333334,31.7,8.841846274778883,2.3074275,377,12,78,5,5,120,70,96,0.188,0.7,0.113,-0.7287,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,5,0,7,11,1,1,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,14,17,8,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,10,4,13,14,3,13,0,1,1,0,11,6,1,3,6,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690945448197715,0.0,0.0,0.174265055959632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579160905061102,0.0,0.19676922316720002,0.0,0.0,0.12766842949347326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135309292090245,0.21514540991590325,0.0,0.0,0.21958654438813494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159162548688752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335731864474868,0.2766570785101257,0.18944416336864656,0.17645635818761093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090724343356312,0.23805123148647264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809226940529836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231839821864136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529193595185736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003991224813681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485269308936606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689100729221815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071346190885176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305369690632592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212208237556722,0.0,0.0,0.20012223254391684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352902566463872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mjb_9798,2019/08/17,"Saw a picture of my ex and his new girlfriend today. I feel sick to my stomach right now. I don't want him back at all, and before I cut contact with him he actually told me that he and this girl had a ton of problems but my manic brain is so mad. When I saw the picture I cried out in public at dinner. Ugh.",1.7164705882352926,2.4302024117647067,3.943411764705882,91.01335294117649,76.3529411764706,6.028235294117647,23.894117647058824,5.6839178017228535,0.3256847058823529,236,7,56,1,5,82,53,68,0.268,0.732,0.0,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,0,3,4,2,0,1,10,8,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,3,12,0,8,4,2,10,0,0,2,0,11,5,0,0,5,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.31311527393103833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467232668644223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730301446286211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581883897969448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524521183216972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622375959174326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098907633067545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070218426678617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740146108474718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30413989834672184,0.30659763293201137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925287003713856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fuck-Im-on-a-bender,2019/08/17,"I just snapped out of a disassociated state. On a bender. The past few weeks have kind of mushed together, I would blame it on ""s Iv'e been busy with work"" but have been relaxing more than I've got the right to do.  
So yea, I'm on a bender 20 min into it, I get that familiar snap back to reality.  You realize your brain is doing what it wants and you're along for the ride. Some amount time has passed while your brain took it upon itself to shut me down.  Out of the comfortable existence within our heads, and back to the worlds hurt that takes, pulls and pushes inside of you like you're coming apart from within.  It's a pulling sensation like your life, or your insides being pulled, and you physically feel that pulling, it's there and it's real, we feel it.  Every day All day.  

I've been really good the past 15 months, I've been craving a fucked up bender of a weekend.  Not as a symptom, not a coping mechanism, the desire to let myself break itself down.  I needed that.  I will stop Sunday @ 4:00 PM. And I Know it won't lead to a relapse.  I know I can shut it off when it's time. I wont go off the rails.  Speaking of rails.  Do you know what the worst thing about cocaine is?  It's fucking expensive.  

So A mix of cocaine, four joints, edibles, mushrooms, aderall.  Loads of water and healthy snacks precut, cleaned and ready to eat.  Guitar 
, Remotes right next to me.  All the chargers i need.  Just all that little stuff you'll get stuck in.  No alcohol.

No what the second worse thing about cocaine is? 

Seriously, you've got no fucking idea how expensive it is.

And I feel fucking great, there is so much going on, my brain is swimming in an ocean of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine.  I feel good enough that I'd hope that this is what everyone else feels when they are present.  I feel good enough to forget it's there. Forget the relentless dragging of everything we are being pulled away from our bodies.  
It's not healthy behavior.  It's may be scrutinized by reddits I told you so's, and the holier than now critics of others' lives. 

I wake up every morning and I think about the day ahead of me, and I seriously think how it would feel to just end it and make it all just float away, never to be a burden again.  And then I drag myself through a day then another day, and another and another.  I don't want to die, I'm just not afraid to explore it.  

Do you know what the 3rd worst thing about cocaine is? 
In a published paper from the University of Pennsylvania came to the conclusion that cocaine produced a larger impact on DA than 5-HT neurotransmission under specific conditions. A series of physiological mechanisms, i.e. terminal density, neurotransmitter interactions and somatodendritic regulation, are discussed as factors responsible for facilitating cocaine's effects on DA relative to 5-HT.

Just kidding, seriously it's so fucking expensive.",3.9078906890493847,6.040922515596333,4.889404645715404,80.66128245168845,73.38532110091742,8.014444661331254,27.55904743314464,8.780745627414401,2.2234598867850868,2261,87,424,46,47,737,265,545,0.102,0.7829999999999999,0.114,0.8955,0,0,7,0,0,1,79.0,4,11,1,6,27,23,5,1,33,1,36,17,6,6,5,81,74,34,1,8,12,0,7,2,0,7,3,1,1,1,42,27,4,1,18,4,3,16,11,13,0,2,10,8,41,10,72,52,13,78,0,1,0,5,21,31,5,4,31,290,83,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798638530620315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589924739423001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547046392374602,0.12661431648504134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145074921726988,0.0,0.2757245722508558,0.0,0.09416428637785483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092053171679699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654821667303674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544617636170466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424476937679318,0.06877666143622982,0.0,0.07292048472781358,0.17013905998268794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873418207975566,0.07867042744483059,0.07399344486609215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914018163634514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805666181556278,0.08602869282774371,0.0,0.09358076759761984,0.20716503221382235,0.13169462204798998,0.09076978978026964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449495973345164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177287395553857,0.0,0.0,0.08813662236336874,0.09294123901473214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573466245317232,0.18098700369376167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418862828097083,0.058152545675175964,0.0804451561528973,0.082516901704277,0.07269943828032142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495632245300442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657155085824743,0.0,0.060522472500019374,0.12209421037102285,0.06349844307427523,0.0,0.08755953930140781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718776907080234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371026029898184,0.05274309789301758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140619784669243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883207769601922,0.0,0.0,0.0942488526882464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557302912847202,0.06190237364214781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409039978502518,0.10550826291025883,0.0,0.0,0.09601528324775548,0.0,0.0,0.07867042744483059,0.09147233866109472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712145549593487,0.0,0.06604065040221191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993766569112648,0.0,0.08390192677221013,0.1169706083921002,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peatfoot246,2019/08/17,"Just found out Hey guys, I was recently diagnosed with bpd, and everything in my life is finally making sense! I’ve pushed all my friends away because I realized I’d rather end the friendship on my own terms rather than them push me away. Anyway, now I know why all my friends and family walk on eggshells around me. This disorder is terrible and I don’t think people realize just how bad it is. I’ll go from suicidal one minute and then happy and grateful for life the next, with absolutely no memory of the suicidal feelings! Any tips on how you guys cope? I also have a terrible memory and it seems like it could be related to the disorder. My wife has been super supportive and understanding, I really don’t deserve her. We’ve been through some rough times, mainly because of stupid problems I’ve caused, but she’s extremely caring. To be honest I’m not quite why I’m ranting on here haha, guess I just am happy that I finally understand why I’m so strange. Always wondered why my hairstyle changed every week and why I never know what my goals are. The terrible thing is I know people with BPD that I used to judge for it (terrible I know) because I thought they were just bad people, but i now I understand. Anyway, id love to hear any of you guys’s experiences with it and how you get through life. Also I think the disorder is due to being raised as a homeschooled Jehovah’s Witness by a mother with histrionic personality disorder. Hope to hear from you guys",4.3995885167464115,6.074232354385966,5.485430622009572,78.80824162679426,71.0701754385965,9.67304625199362,30.147527910685806,10.018931242160765,3.169350877192981,1171,49,220,32,22,387,156,285,0.131,0.7240000000000001,0.145,0.8062,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,2,3,20,20,1,0,9,1,19,5,0,6,3,55,47,19,2,5,9,2,2,1,2,0,4,2,0,5,10,16,0,0,16,0,0,4,5,8,0,1,6,4,33,12,32,37,6,26,0,0,0,1,21,9,0,5,14,141,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936840954615142,0.06730331928326277,0.0,0.0,0.11000999683467713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200535464629418,0.0,0.0,0.15198941381580716,0.0,0.13507223589998052,0.14792137801710026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374522530777964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246828502861663,0.08309181743959464,0.0855662657805173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458058952354524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209720634458141,0.0,0.0,0.3708077335947103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164065527429403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814962729770463,0.0,0.07269478385937395,0.07912166159772674,0.07625176824091437,0.0,0.04089820214114182,0.0,0.0,0.1772124961923456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868691244364002,0.12498406584799394,0.0,0.0422594004248284,0.0,0.045969164472707984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910463462784632,0.3203579407130998,0.0,0.17220850290721185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232795503489505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033767597272368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778104957632929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139572619086862,0.039516630491063284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300243419122136,0.0,0.053991782510695904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238398013560395,0.0,0.08602277939432777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481019256845137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682277229525626,0.0706262075006988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739661890432897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603181817525546,0.0,0.0,0.05181740231645481,0.0,0.07986479618251828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363523478836362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695149009850686,0.09178804826320908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373681487307429,0.10365648445642292,0.0,0.06421415092405773,0.0471650581718671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526143633942491,0.0,0.069859209469801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488156911209397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649334762574548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771700953387836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hetlykhobzi,2019/08/17,In need of advice. I'm a 16 year old teenager and I believe I suffer from BPD. And I'm a very emotionally dependant individual but I'm dependant emotionally on my friends as I can't bring myself to have a healthy relationship with my parents (they were always distant and they put me through emotional labour growing up and they still occasionally do). I have a sizeable group of friends but none of them are that close to me and I've always been a background friend to them except my FP who I fell out with about a week ago because we weren't getting along this last period because of the issues I believe most of us went through with loved ones which are jealousy and feeling unloved. So now I have no one to vent to about my issues and literally no one to talk to at all and I really feel like no one cares about me at the moment and I talk with some of my friends in a groupchat and whenever I say I'm feeling down they just ignore me and continue on with their conversations and I feel so empty and sad right now and I really want to know how to cope with this loneliness.,4.039314516129032,5.347376788018433,5.0883150921659,82.73818692396314,71.44239631336407,8.374308755760369,29.69153225806452,8.841846274778883,2.2591476958525347,861,35,176,16,16,283,118,217,0.138,0.687,0.174,0.8317,1,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,7,0,10,11,0,0,9,0,10,1,0,3,1,42,26,20,0,2,4,1,4,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,5,24,0,1,5,0,0,5,6,4,0,4,4,5,31,7,39,22,4,27,0,2,0,1,22,11,0,4,12,128,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772367020377847,0.10679100137990964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048441345853527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687700906658238,0.0,0.0,0.27146097787761764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173004253657027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282905159036595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065437541750796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436566919757997,0.08606509373295497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723049234427488,0.0,0.06294155472201231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514825652843455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620816277990818,0.09820061411812664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885644697934447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873052292022717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932832954577126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264149116835986,0.0,0.3265392977837283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337697014905379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110745568533288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435466810539406,0.0,0.0,0.12934165154440416,0.0,0.10288227777073013,0.0,0.09580402826682018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620895269666002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936613743198625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449127686034613,0.0,0.0,0.09940187000844304,0.07105740195331055,0.0,0.09663522888790414,0.0,0.0,0.11167858598164848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775799035664708
bpd,hibaaamir,2019/08/17,"Broke up with soulmate So while I am tapering off from cymbalta, bad bad mood swings and BPD started acting up. Ive always believed that forever is a lie, good things come to an end. I have fear of anyone cutting me off so I always cut them off. People give up easily on me as I am one complicated person and guess what happened? I broke-up with male best friend today, we used to call each-other soulmates. It was one perfect long distance friendship that could only last for 8 months. Blocked him from every social site. Wish he had more patience to understand me. First they make you use to of their unconditional love and spoil you & then later bring their ego and call it self respect like wtf bro! Sigh. 
I think I am never ever ever gonna trust anyone to be my soulmate again. I already had trust issues with men. Daddy issues as well. Now I hate hate hate all of them. I am 21. God knows whats gonna happen next in future.
But I am about to see a therapist soon. Wish me luck. 
All of this just sucks. Ugh. 
Rant over.",1.4299851537645802,3.854089712195128,2.7368186638388146,91.316065747614,83.58536585365854,5.126193001060448,19.15694591728526,6.498293943080001,0.09896818663838758,801,21,163,8,23,258,142,205,0.166,0.605,0.22899999999999998,0.9424,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,2,5,3,10,24,6,1,3,0,13,1,0,3,6,29,36,11,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,8,9,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,11,2,3,3,1,26,11,28,29,4,31,0,1,1,1,21,10,1,2,19,101,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130360658718248,0.0,0.19658915591970916,0.12799504889768726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520008995351576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726914754387515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309335021482113,0.12397135112674065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878204482512108,0.0,0.2412502187827493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175952347380844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431810881271216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462913345056014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371277199248065,0.0995305866736817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329303832850981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048229366601807,0.0,0.0,0.09126783147596093,0.0,0.0,0.11332216085222753,0.0,0.0990828017792101,0.0,0.0,0.1301347771296221,0.0,0.20892596709599995,0.0,0.0,0.34989015399307644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24659645298559665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649217892371908,0.09629265191866067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771291160494875,0.0,0.0,0.10454234811489424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661797271345946,0.0,0.07885345822028275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429115485054584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111002346076072,0.0,0.12563381547218702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160097445528339,0.08984406082228162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189726353700398,0.10314756141474153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413523001928538,0.0,0.12323655022694673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041982820994565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361383417644228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715936713643298,0.07848108525858738,0.07569366935354198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197451506158264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229786906047887,0.0,0.20405476533906464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621408852996413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271689979214578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,possumrfrend,2019/08/17,"Husband Looks Down On My Emotions Because They're ""Irrational"" My husband and I have been through a lot (check it out on my post history if you want the details). One problem we have is that he has often seemed disdainful of my emotions. I'm starting DBT classes next week to try and make my emotions more managable, but I talked to my husband about how he sometimes looks down on me and invalidates me, but he doesn't see a problem. He thinks that he shouldn't have to validate emotions if they seem illogical or don't make sense to him. This hurts me so badly and is helping to drive us apart. I feel like I don't have a partner.

He also ""boops"" my nose often after deep emotions have been expressed. I've asked him repeatedly to not do things like this, but he still does it. In therapy last week, we worked out a system whereby he could react to me in a way I would find helpful, but after two days, he abandoned it. We had a long, important discussion yesterday, after which he booped my nose. It makes me so fucking angry at this point that it's like nails on a chalkboard. We had JUST talked about how he invalidates me and behaves in ways that make me feel worse, and he turns around and does the exact same shit immediately?

I am so disappointed and afraid he'll never change because he thinks me and my emotions are the problem. Yes, my emotions are very strong, and I need to work on controlling them via DBT, but I also think he needs to seriously commit to helping me feel valued. This relationship can't work if these things don't happen. I don't want to lose my husband, but I increasingly worry that it won't work out.

I don't know what my point is. I'm just so frustrated and worried. This man has been my world.",5.918684210526315,5.936772067251468,6.2257836257309975,80.88376315789475,66.63157894736842,9.062222222222225,32.30467836257311,8.697196308434329,2.4113422222222223,1365,52,274,19,20,439,165,342,0.156,0.735,0.11,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,5,1,2,7,16,17,3,1,10,1,30,4,3,8,3,68,58,29,0,13,13,4,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,2,21,19,0,2,10,0,1,2,11,13,0,2,5,8,43,4,33,48,4,40,0,4,3,1,40,20,2,9,17,178,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259332190923263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009335690455026,0.07360923677936879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574279430564685,0.09599569359896318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329417771504691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831116502619983,0.0628657456492798,0.0,0.0,0.05077938277569311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780800108208308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199861806343056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194366291305128,0.05625031732372432,0.0,0.0,0.07196494484068806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279184968609481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696275978829672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583289114687331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429046927456538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04327224899500216,0.06418183570064613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154019710734618,0.0,0.0,0.06968049666071781,0.1322398833597743,0.08808748489725689,0.0,0.0669400824229933,0.0,0.0,0.21023243618617932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676619788595753,0.06072746403723611,0.0,0.08373856927206079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053354787412401336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886538831999516,0.0,0.07540907041547679,0.0,0.0,0.22602439188232484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453495635666128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274385164761949,0.14335991588749886,0.0,0.0,0.0808232450234809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787372143077789,0.0,0.055731037212960084,0.0,0.062880128096556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657296107341148,0.0,0.0,0.09004356401440157,0.0,0.10461982340936896,0.1513560553134978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345781412882025,0.08564414256784061,0.07691541316639128,0.0,0.09471190775085282,0.0,0.0,0.06496695103703269,0.0928832174510876,0.12499683977335428,0.12631746632291052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292882950516537,0.15992416495084644,0.08024056959560914,0.05593309119592118,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AmbitiousBrilliant,2019/05/25,"boyfriend & past love vent i (24F) have the most loving, supportive boyfriend (22M). he's great, and i can't imagine my life without him but something always feels empty (this is why I have posted it here, so he doesn't see). maybe i need drama in my life to feel loved, maybe i need to self destruct, maybe i feed of intensity. i don't know. i feel like i don't love him even though he is everything i have wanted and i like him a lot (including romantically). i feel like i still love someone else, someone i have had feelings for, for five years. it was really bad for most of it and we have not spoken for awhile now. i felt like i had to free them from my grasp, so i made things as bad as possible so they would hate me and i promised i would never enter anything bad again (i haven't my relationship with my boyfriend is healthy and good). but my heart still lights up, feels pain, feels guilt, feels everything when i see them. it gets worse, they also read almost everything I do even though we haven't talked in 1-2 years and i can't help but do things to get attention from them, even if i don't mean too. ive really tried to control all of this and stop, but i can't and everything i feel is getting bad again and i needed to vent. i know this makes me a terrible person.",2.9152641509433965,4.087746366037738,3.8265566037735854,91.22775943396229,74.01886792452831,7.413207547169813,23.438679245283016,7.908726449838941,0.8707018867924532,997,27,228,14,20,320,130,265,0.217,0.657,0.126,-0.9819,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,2,0,5,1,17,23,2,1,3,0,26,10,1,3,2,51,57,23,0,7,7,0,10,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,9,12,1,2,16,2,1,1,12,9,0,1,5,13,47,15,22,50,4,16,0,0,2,5,23,3,0,5,15,144,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337514254873345,0.0,0.0,0.06658481231135671,0.0692808839210265,0.09021464163332067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851775902630956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780820915222593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338572285610812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955494790439902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649818447821547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29932306078567256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788991780441627,0.1189651737150795,0.07994484255986277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050330859979453,0.0,0.0,0.06983644704633807,0.0,0.09179695361214664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220426004848676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986661983611918,0.055808948740671084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151753916526646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762121628120642,0.16271096992877646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078660986143816,0.3757372758888686,0.07878477907536732,0.05557821600253611,0.0,0.2509444433977481,0.09069702811255337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521376869229048,0.06421700047387137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859693245817117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948326409435914,0.0,0.07270140812884195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386570619221052,0.07974224491962285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328480829957863,0.0,0.10667989255823222,0.0,0.0,0.08939252475759207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326985084875965,0.0,0.08686071305568765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109571310183347,0.0640993681572473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298672288695193,0.06961099126245418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448504449382164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692306380723108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106315133682562,0.0,0.16360952752681654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652962015897179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491102478395429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513125378283342,0.0,0.0,0.08026186317543077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485137289094444,0.11829426440831288,0.0,0.0,0.10723635221058668
bpd,beachedjellies3,2019/05/25,"Do you ever try to look for other people's flaws so that you can feel better about yourself? If I can find at least one negative thing about someone else, I can feel better about myself. It means I don't have to be as insecure.

If someone is smart and has a great personality, maybe I will find a flaw with their appearance. I someone is beautiful, maybe I'll find a flaw with their personality.

To be clear, I don't feel a need to point out to them what I think their flaws or make them feel bad. This is a process that takes place solely internally just to make myself feel better. I always try to be kind. However, because I have these kinds of thoughts, I don't deserve their kindness back. They just don't know I'm have them. 

I don't like having to filter other people to regulate my self-worth. I want just be happy for other people and support what they have. I want to also be happy for myself without the need for comparison. What I'm doing now is evil. 

Maybe this is more of a NPD thing. I also feel a substantial amount of envy and jealousy. I definitely do crave admiration in subtle ways too. I'm not diagnosed with anything. I just wanted to see what kind of responses I would get here.",3.451039473684212,5.0332823583333335,4.774649122807019,83.32894736842108,73.33333333333334,7.552631578947369,24.298245614035093,8.20500826718156,1.3844166666666666,946,28,189,15,19,314,121,240,0.092,0.7120000000000001,0.196,0.9753,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,9,3,15,17,1,1,8,0,29,1,0,2,2,40,55,10,0,8,9,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,15,7,0,0,13,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,1,8,32,14,30,47,3,10,0,0,2,0,13,5,0,4,4,137,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956750497191155,0.08301425960196995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209986237529815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767147788181212,0.08330140159081259,0.06081712762541476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647078056573167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126155548735936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334265060069293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024509745433902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026716072212715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735560984568581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212421727263486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999363325842257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124079691499109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41556852967213626,0.05482941559362193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048741189247645936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837792776107221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319069244867487,0.0,0.3006885303836328,0.10867567228855177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795215270451287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760480171210373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074979364190921,0.1742256514716544,0.10423543566456148,0.0,0.0943122027774156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950150033406454,0.0,0.10407889412953436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535971431061484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132145776467682,0.0,0.0,0.07501247938000924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256172050835974,0.06392676023805685,0.0,0.07920397168666035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547068967615758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653574691322269,0.07919051857709285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617197080478997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070871719724374,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chlolou,2019/05/25,"All alone all weekend I came home from uni this weekend to house sit for my parents, my boyfriend stayed home to go to a party so I made plans with my only friend who then cancelled on me very last minute, my sisters gone out with her friends and I’m just so alone",3.343,4.390827618181824,3.0743181818181817,97.51147727272728,72.81818181818181,5.5,26.47727272727273,3.1291,0.2209090909090912,209,7,48,0,4,62,42,55,0.1,0.75,0.15,0.6124,1,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,5,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,8,2,9,2,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770530461047139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634075653922718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558661425216748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088763855500365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620293846937477,0.0,0.0,0.2657410479973237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772931293158748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217920158999494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515733000476366,0.0,0.0,0.2557264471042322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245474486333662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002574401778052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fauheist,2019/05/25,"Escaping Abusive/criminal family, and current mental state. My ex interpenetrates my incoherent/disorganized texts and talks after I left/saw her face to face one last time as gaslighting/confusion. What is this effect mentally with me and what can I do to explain it to her? I am 24, M, bisexual and I have AS + BPD.

​

As I am typing, I moved out of state due to family coming to property and harassing me at the place I lived after moving out back in December.

​

I began to realize that after over 20 years of abuse by my family and fringe cult; that my life was a lie.

​

They didn't care about me. My father was a convicted molester, and my mother was sexually attracted/did lewd acts to me; beyond that my family was violent and crazy towards e/o - and made up of criminals/frauds. My mother was extremely controlling; she upholds that she cannot do any wrong, and she lies/gaslights me to get out of any situation where I am defending/standing up against her, or proving anything she does as abuse: after going to the outside world, I've came to the realization of more things swept under the rug about my family and that the world wasn't what my mother twisted it to be. I never even had any actual friends: I only went to public school in a low class rural town with alot of undereducated and criminal folk from similar backgrounds: they did not like me at all.

​

I was reclusive/purposely isolated from the entire world: and the internet was my only outlet. However; I was too scared to actually chat/make friends - and even skeptical that anything online is even trustworthy to try anything. I took a jab at it prior and being social w/o supression/social anxiety and w/o my mother's obsession with making me how she wants me to be.

​

Apparently: my family got so sick and tired of me due to not adhering to being their sunchild and not abiding exactly to who they want myself to be: so they winded up gaslighting me for two years while I only stayed in the house and at work (which was a sketchy place, I've discovered after my bro in law got me hired) - my family stole the majority of my money, and slipped ecstasy pills for a period of months in my mediset alongside my anti-depressants. I found this out after I had an episode and took a cab to the ER room, and got tested. One of the family members who moved there mentioned prior to myself getting poisoned; after saying things to throw me off due to my political views/lifestyle about how a cousin of his had a family scandal where they slipped pills in a foster care client's mediset, which was extremely fucked up, and proof that I wasn't just going crazy for no reason. 

​

Over the two years of gaslighting and such, I started entering an ASD burnout state; which caused myself to stim/pace almost all day, repeat things and lacking the ability to read expressions, and even had increased paranoia of others, and being so direct. And after I left to my first apartment, I winded up having even more severe issues even reading/interpenetrating rapid conversations via text and chat - and taking in only one part of a sentence/message and not understanding the context; then melting down/freaking at her on there.

​

This was when I dated and got intimate with my the GF - a mental health worker, music enthusiast. psychologist, artist/writer and uni student in a program to get a masters, I loved her/she love me: but at times I was too scared to comment on her looks due to my awkward ways/unintentionally being direct/literal/rude. I asked to be intimate after we first met in person (we met on a discord server) - one issue here is that I was too silent/ignorant of her looks: I didn't pay close attention to (and she is very self-conscious and esp of others and what they think of her style) - I was scared of her at the same time due to paranoia of her maybe being a catfish/manipulator (was paranoid due to bullies/people pretending to be my best friend in HS) - I was pretty grounded at first: but later on after she expressed her self consciousness - I began to split and act rude towards her because she thought I wasn't really attracted to her or that I was using her to experiment.

​

I guess things were complicated: we couldn't make our minds on intimacy or not, we keep changing the status/plan.

​

My mother kept going to my apartment, to appease me in order to return to the household: them knowing how much I cling back to them when in desperation/trouble. I was in a dillemma whether I should even have hope in myself or my life. I just stayed blank and was in life in a sort of autopilot state while in intimacy: because I assumed that my family would murder me/do something that'll mess me up in life permanently.

​

One morning: my mom said she'll never stop at my unit again: so I got confident in myself: wanted to move forth w/ the relationship. Then one night afterwards, my mother was knocking/harassing again at my door once again, and trying to give me 'pills for sleep' (fucking drugs) as she always does.

​

I decided from that night on forth to move out of state where I can be safe from my family. Thing is: I had no confidence in having trusting room mates/understanding, due to how eccentric I am/getting refused when touring for roomshares. I asked a childhood friend from portland what to do, and he told me to find LGBT housing groups, due to how strict they are against ableism - and the supportive factor. I did so, but was waiting for the right time to tell my then GF. But out of her expressing her insecurities about myself - was confused if i had significant attraction to her in any way, romantic or sexual: I lashed out and revealed that I am moving abruptly in the conversation.

​

She had in consideration to date me in the future, quite possibly. But she felt bitter that I wanted to go to an LGBT house and thought the person I was talking to, to crash w/ and possibly be roomies with (who wasn't attracted to me, she likes me but isn't attracted to Cis Men - had been clarified that latter part ) - my then GF assumed I was cheating (and telling her that I'm moving to an LGBT housing is obv a suspicion) - we finally decided to be just friends regardless, since we were already confused on what we are supposed to be, and there was some disconnects in life stage revealed further on. She was still confused/had things left unanswered about our relationship however, and I feel like I cannot explain. And I did intense, lengthy verbal rants and insults during meltdown phases/fight or flight periods - I've even threatened to framing her for something she didn't do prior to myself packing and leaving a few days to WA, was scared as shit and overloaded with too much in my head, and headaches: even got paranoid assuming she was a psychopath trying to mess with me. She was also discussing via DMs with people she was friends with on other servers that I didn't know about for advice on what is going on: and revealed it to me in doing so.

​

I took greyhound buses across the country, with very little to no sleep: and had unraveled from so much sensory overload that by the time I arrived at my destination: I reached this state where I had no emotion, but regressed to the point I cannot make out what anything is anymore: or my memories even. I was 'forcing myself' to - I had a mindset where instead of properly expressing things in a coherent manner - I express things as ""I need to make my ex feel better after the shit I did"" by, including by throwing unintended random phrases about how I love her - and when I'd split: I would go on tangents and accuse her i and please do not drop out of uni, n texts of things she didn't do/that I hate her - which was all nonsensical. I kept wanting to instill blocks/breaks due to my state - which based on what ive read online: was a mix of intense ASD burnout, disassociation and even more.

​

I felt like I mentally regressed to near-vegetable levels after moving: word salads, some coherency: didn't want to talk to others: but had ""if im honest and put myself out there, I'll get better, and talking to my ex"" that id recover and be fine. 

​

My mental state reached a point where I had no social or logical conventions in mind. It was along the lines of: I need to survive, I need to make my ex feel better, I need to hate her. - I had this sensation that I didn't feel human at all, no emotions: but I expressed my worries towards my ex in literal manners: texting her for hours when she tells me to stop, and I cannot recognize what she means exactly: or attempt to talk to her, and dont even realize that despite having a basic meaning: all were incoherent - and it came off as myself gaslighting her/confusing her due to the inconsistencies and mixed up tellings of past events while in my current state. She had mentioned bringing myself up to another friend of hers on a server: and even outed my kinks to that person (did reveal them to her, she was open/fine with them, but I was self conscious and paranoid about said things and didn't want to tell anybody from then forth or straight up hide them, and wanted to rid of said kinks) to that person (somebody she was close with and on a mental health server.) - I blew up so bad for her outting it, when that I told her to get ran over and overdose.

​

I was supposed to 'calm down' and take a break from her and the world to recover: but my loneliness and overconfidence in thinking id be fine if I were to talk to my ex made myself return and fuck things up even more from in coherency in my state. I've even reached points where she got so tired of me, she wanted to file me for harassment and never talk to me again. She even said she wanted to change her email and phone due to me trying to circumvent so much.

​

And it was my fault for not willfully sticking on my own during the break; and accepting that we are still friends. She was the first person in my life who obsessed over me and cared about me, went over my music collectoon/last fm, same taste and interests, even personality and I felt these connections in spurts, but felt hopeless due to my life state. She would have been the girl of my dreams, whether a best friend or an SO.

​

And after I moved to out of state, I realized that I am safe, but there is no way to convince her at this point what was going on: and she refuses to talk/be friends again after my actions. it's been maybe a week or so, and after I revealed to the mods on the server my situation: fabricated wither making myself look like the victim or her depending on the day; I ruined her.

​

I cannot even get on that server, which I loved the people on anymore due to her saying to back off or else.

​

I feel like my entire life is a lie, I have no confidence in myself trying to help the world around me or myself even, and I lost any confidence of my memory after the gas lighting and even realizing how much my family hated me for all these years - and how my mental state winded up. And I am figuring out who am I supposed to be and what is the correct way to live: I wanted to return to my state in the 2010's, and my Ex was the one of my dreams. But time fucked up, and my indentity crisis, trauma and state too. I think I've even said way, way, way too much stupidity/memes and shit opinions on the server i was a regular on, idk.

​

And I've been in a state where I cannot connect or read, do anything coherent anymore: and if so: I have to spend so much time to do little things.

​

It took me hours to write this up; I am sleepless, airy, in ASD burnout, disassociation and maybe more.

​

Is there even some way to explain all of this to my Ex in a single response? What state am I in? And how do I mend this all again? How to approach, and if not now when the right time is? She has blocked me on everything we conversed on, emails included.

​

I cannot deal with the fact that we will never be friends again, and that I am unable to express what happened here to her.

​

I lost an amazing friend/family to me. I cannot take it.",8.734509001508107,7.098181113869868,8.52843911021742,72.08918876460977,61.70547945205479,11.500559256001004,37.69831594822169,10.284431219614175,3.734506885446777,9646,380,1786,171,109,3120,710,2336,0.11,0.7979999999999999,0.092,-0.9898,9,0,3,0,3,1,394.0,12,0,13,22,105,89,22,10,90,0,167,36,8,24,18,331,291,185,1,28,48,18,9,6,14,8,18,7,4,11,92,144,2,12,48,7,3,36,43,43,1,13,123,22,320,46,355,141,36,341,1,5,3,8,206,161,7,37,119,1326,412,16,0.0,0.03686748006925249,0.030364816574856488,0.0,0.0,0.015203142155231672,0.0,0.0,0.015579135371742896,0.0,0.017168690259241306,0.012441763491971116,0.012945540316753249,0.4214283992669846,0.4726182096946378,0.05290002277879368,0.01631396740371243,0.011901862344351763,0.0,0.046288202164351096,0.0,0.0,0.06401472972687297,0.013849959133108115,0.029089345017440718,0.0,0.0,0.03588953031114773,0.0129903182646747,0.018968080457474838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265441812648216,0.0412794812207752,0.0,0.0,0.01959481387141452,0.0,0.0,0.03558851904486788,0.047587393314059694,0.015982398551984554,0.032916698766480526,0.0134018787311118,0.0,0.0,0.017449671133251625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030100957093787645,0.016039661922209368,0.013400121928061516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027229901198786308,0.0,0.01823391364124339,0.0,0.018042393611031264,0.0,0.012996750782690188,0.03500141461977013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260707333693683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013982568249099984,0.01521875400871348,0.19066763060845812,0.0,0.039333076759004715,0.022229341853860357,0.059752654637311685,0.017043078547397877,0.014219771873919278,0.05293466275645632,0.0,0.017058594031231094,0.14424128978636994,0.057532650048342314,0.05689905705263455,0.01492469505991741,0.061893971180382014,0.0,0.0871023325721995,0.0,0.017138941322188406,0.0,0.013757928394395087,0.0,0.0,0.04608104728627368,0.01596704334169135,0.03307495001550642,0.0,0.0,0.01042823005522745,0.0,0.0,0.015452649799959976,0.030643082087555343,0.07180758330590742,0.0,0.0,0.016805359084997244,0.032477115120197124,0.0,0.013828705830109832,0.0,0.0,0.01710059003150847,0.025363767432405645,0.0,0.01647372394768056,0.05071158638989292,0.0,0.08791286203620656,0.04560525144840975,0.031186497989717506,0.02747607870576799,0.0,0.03919451987712465,0.0,0.03396688936920731,0.0,0.056166974533073386,0.029442797959369733,0.06231069772269654,0.0,0.04689044402167058,0.03389454543851223,0.0,0.0,0.10975195512518496,0.0,0.031418382029213175,0.01822139503983309,0.012418283612037095,0.14882166323104545,0.08005867583366433,0.04614437488137889,0.04799729573907241,0.0,0.0,0.029200343838785676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016568810866402682,0.07379774068412766,0.04733037918208274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03369569465490301,0.014851915010402863,0.03235796975647199,0.08150811220216117,0.03250969270339426,0.017078062139381,0.058829527807430726,0.03507871768082292,0.0,0.015828125652863057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015640133047631063,0.0,0.016547896635290025,0.04668676765921172,0.0,0.0099668824352309,0.01599626212557216,0.0,0.033407037201918684,0.0,0.026572971968932692,0.07399632088822561,0.024744764723408218,0.062305271307849276,0.01574557281061025,0.0,0.0,0.04869130411584156,0.017576163172240387,0.04791033087934727,0.012869776140949007,0.034975790352966094,0.0311385629856076,0.031718936555483995,0.0,0.02395468729018951,0.0,0.0,0.011012064793762459,0.033165613215796426,0.024849350719721882,0.026014445627006846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017655085841850344,0.0,0.0,0.03509314233709629,0.10003974217473564,0.06799208826985119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403289065232526,0.029906902354455683,0.0,0.024702700804243825,0.07257617230272423,0.03576336960647366,0.0,0.029732758703799687,0.06914224472441938,0.052814458725216666,0.0,0.030395899871403956,0.03239294842846836,0.0,0.013437156180686614,0.0,0.02567403407689059,0.10094192266758244,0.08644476733296283,0.012479725780236529,0.0,0.0,0.028844928389257268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.011326442534667958,0.015799950571506138,0.0,0.03315596776054658,0.017010280584420938,0.4726182096946378,0.0400754852535124
bpd,l1v14n,2019/05/25,"GoT/Daenerys. Warning: might contain GoT-Spoilers.

...

So I was watching GoT (rewatched/binged the whole series in the last few weeks as well), and observing Daenerys made me feel increasingly uncomfortable, as she was so... relatable. Like, everytime she did something terrible or gave a icy-cold bitchface-stare, I felt kinda caught and was like... yup, that's what 5-yrs-ago-me would totally do.",6.016169154228855,8.842628552238807,5.320223880597017,76.80829601990051,69.44776119402985,8.645771144278607,35.04726368159204,9.2995712137729,3.7195293532338307,311,16,49,7,6,94,54,67,0.127,0.833,0.039,-0.6808,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,1,11,13,7,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,9,3,5,3,3,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,4,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276978501424407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988010276806394,0.0,0.2466334178644563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6163220539254869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938158111111604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509853128269379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430545700869199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27249619592541563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977494200421518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604389491133612,0.0,0.23095504537008354,0.0,0.0,0.28678378078758865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247155045015825,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cabinfeverdream,2019/05/25,"I'm really glad this subreddit exists. Even though I'm an insufferable extrovert, I've been feeling very very alone because of my bpd. I found this subreddit today for the first time and it really puts basically every thought I have about it into words, and has let me know I'm not alone and that there are people out there that actually feel the same way and actually understand the fucking struggle and the constant rollercoastering. Thank you all for being here, you're all brilliant people even if you don't feel you are. :)",11.342142857142855,8.610902704081635,10.701734693877553,61.9736224489796,57.673469387755105,14.289795918367345,40.826530612244895,12.602617957971056,5.04170612244898,427,16,74,11,4,139,66,98,0.07400000000000001,0.792,0.134,0.7474,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,7,4,1,1,5,0,8,1,0,0,2,20,20,7,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,3,7,2,6,15,3,8,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,4,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.3352305125616096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557879444764443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047047216371863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632864079616693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561405817482626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689479700884704,0.0,0.14471717039559867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605445835651375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610094946874108,0.0,0.1883285283997156,0.0,0.15879150559980498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943960841527927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563861885609247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238156744339814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266858191498596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200706926166933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956328007491418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813567572636988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687556163494561,0.1363601033427596,0.10015599542987247,0.0,0.16281060443519402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881064221624654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28344381998497026,0.0,0.1363369420369331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,i_hate_myself_sigh,2019/05/25,"I hate myself for ruining a potential relationship I (20/M) hooked up with this guy (31/M) once. We didn't talk for a month-ish afterward. I hit him up later on and we start regularly hanging out, going on little dates, texting each other all the time. It was so nice. But then he didn't want a relationship - he was worried about the age difference and he had just come out of a relationship. His work (2 jobs) had him so busy too. But I just wanted him to text me and see me the way he originally did when we first started talking.

I felt so fucking abandoned, and I would lash out at him in long texts confessing my love for him and telling him how much it hurts me that he doesn't want to be boyfriends. I am basically obsessed now. I would spoof my location on Grindr (gay dating app) to his house to see if he was on and looking for someone else, despite him telling me that he wasn't looking for anyone else.

​

The lashing out pushed him away and I would leave him alone for 4 days max and then text him again and try to make up and start talking. But it's never enough. He doesn't want to talk to me all the time anymore. I've ruined it all, by being crazy. Calling him and crying. I showed up to his house and he let me in to try and talk, I cried so hard and I started to hit myself because I was just so upset. He really tried to help me feel better but the reality is that he doesn't want to date me. I left in tears, sent him a song on WhatsApp, he read but didn't say anything. Next morning, I text him ""I'm so fucking sorry"" because I just CAN'T FUCKING HELP MYSELF and he blocked me. Seeing his profile picture disappear and his last seen disappear just made me want to die. 

He says things that imply we could talk later, but I know he's thinking months or maybe years, and I'm just so fucking afraid of losing him to someone else. I'm going to therapy, I really feel like I need to try medication to even out my moods, I try so hard to control it and affirm myself, I try to be mindful. I just can't handle the feeling of abandonment and disinterest after he was so into me before. He's so amazing, and I would move mountains for him. I'd fix his car for parts cost. I did so much for him because I wanted to show my love and appreciation of him. 

It's 3 days since he blocked me and I could contact him other ways. I could go to his house. I could call him on another number. But I'm not, because it's just not worth it. He will probably never call me again. I wish he would just tell me that he would never contact me again instead of just saying that we could talk in the future. It would make all of that false hope go away. 

​

I still wake up every morning and think of him. Hurt over him, wishing he would just fucking pop up and say ""hey, I'm sorry..."" but I know that he won't. I anguish over texting him. I have his number written down, but I have purged all of his existence from my phone. 

The obsession just burns so hot every day. I feel like a fucking crazy person. Every little thing reminds me of him. I try to distract myself with hanging out with friends, smoking pot, drinking beer, etc. Because I just can't stand to feel this pain so intensely. I really try to stop thinking about him, but I think of his eyes, his voice, the good times we had together, and the awesome, connecting conversations we had.

 I'm falling behind with school and I'm miserable at work. I try to be strong but sometimes I really just wish I could die. And it's pathetic, because I know I don't have the courage to do it. I fucking hate feeling like this, I hate how I feel abandoned and lash out, how I fall in love too fast. I'm terrified that I will never find someone who likes and understands me. That every guy will get sick of me. 

​

What am I going to do?",2.730491966620999,4.177199593307595,4.058970606551252,88.28309783285593,74.94594594594595,6.866185079088305,25.78837132062939,7.4822170145007005,1.1848851828787317,2952,103,630,36,62,972,292,777,0.165,0.7340000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.9904,2,1,2,0,0,1,111.0,7,0,0,7,43,42,10,7,18,0,53,18,2,8,9,147,126,61,2,27,29,0,11,4,1,12,3,6,0,3,30,50,2,7,18,6,2,16,18,26,0,1,20,24,120,15,89,81,11,94,1,9,7,11,102,35,7,3,44,412,150,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599266189872858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434616059802302,0.16187951290608912,0.0,0.04656501877391138,0.0,0.0,0.0440401967519588,0.03105067854916185,0.045500617321217116,0.03654349696518796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344440655957165,0.0,0.0,0.16242199106142333,0.0,0.03778741683866497,0.0,0.0,0.03927472638334245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360347260485017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825303307752674,0.0,0.0,0.049806662218384576,0.21273411744018728,0.0,0.0975588620722308,0.08591727551606856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921757164417405,0.0463962693318597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04350233464206691,0.0,0.0,0.11129002453286084,0.0,0.0,0.04588470314412221,0.04952597671938063,0.02933066127567867,0.0,0.1496605602809824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717596936124487,0.09517394161163553,0.04263805695027162,0.0,0.04058754856400595,0.03777290195645695,0.0,0.0,0.03430903818316992,0.2873774055572475,0.02320102763398101,0.0,0.1261887112122517,0.03724681056362946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879405926318234,0.0,0.0,0.0795605951580003,0.13152930730501144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953067286254739,0.0,0.0,0.04410655668455435,0.0,0.15372049217107736,0.09507805564883867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406748089499159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321541806693957,0.03619794858724329,0.0,0.0470210124807174,0.048248757518926835,0.04540956341449475,0.0,0.08678082763202846,0.08901573899511901,0.0,0.039299141386709334,0.0745820440750025,0.049680508740238084,0.0,0.0,0.12023820565305272,0.04201934470650418,0.05928455328024852,0.0,0.04461319048791001,0.0,0.0,0.04473577200044289,0.0,0.0,0.04483880324240778,0.0,0.07089110762875182,0.047198026157780286,0.06528908022635746,0.03292751587472291,0.13699886250099316,0.0,0.04722776144043588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047292419431943816,0.0,0.0,0.047252592297523134,0.0,0.0,0.048088874256561616,0.0,0.0,0.038774818748830917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478786755985287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441940575104415,0.0,0.11379404070852348,0.0,0.0,0.14303074868233198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125815080877485,0.0,0.04494264794014535,0.10616081752628737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367342506448158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128787084577158,0.0,0.043920042701742566,0.09942087143618546,0.12572711252184782,0.0,0.035463797804329435,0.03712656520138722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498508371736288,0.11644204460194968,0.0,0.050783718870363266,0.0,0.059004591371335374,0.11381784578760057,0.0,0.0,0.07768291601417725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713473162098675,0.0,0.0,0.04622965751944324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833483979732019,0.07049703596493134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319891554527792,0.0,0.0,0.06465821540729845,0.04509785858844075,0.0,0.25236587733375315,0.0,0.16187951290608912,0.028596902228374525
bpd,wonderqasia,2019/05/25,"New job and going to theraphy So I have to get new job, I sent my resume to few companies and waiting for response. I also have theraphy every Monday at 9. Till now it was no problem because I was working in afternoons and going to the uni in mornings and my lecturers did not have a problem of me skipping classes. If i get new job, how I should tell them that i need to go to theraphy? I never had such problem, I dont know how to tell them... I am also very afraid that I wont get job because of my bpd and depression. I’m learning how to cope with myself and random thoughts, but i dont know if they would understand my situatuon. Please, I would be very glad for any advices how to tell my new employer about this. Im going to talk with my theraphist about it, but you know, feedback from you is more valuable. Thanks in advance, sending love 💜",4.398746081504704,4.699203367816093,5.905527690700103,80.89678683385581,69.91954022988506,8.626123301985372,32.484848484848484,8.575989854853784,2.506466666666667,662,29,135,10,11,226,98,174,0.054000000000000006,0.82,0.126,0.9555,5,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,3,2,11,9,0,1,2,0,16,1,0,4,1,33,34,18,0,9,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,6,0,0,7,6,5,0,0,6,0,26,4,24,23,2,20,0,1,0,1,12,4,0,3,9,97,31,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729683962953623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561657826731028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466884414471944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386805609953886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829125453571325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457194564458367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25737328347088545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251257241394607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210039131513608,0.0,0.2496110881729346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186045555746658,0.0,0.4358445281502679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103224130708487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991002188464965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141648517291429,0.08468575263887937,0.42418822622039787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052916928898467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151958680435433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825435609875737,0.2879142791672328,0.10109054863270753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717019480401535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430732401134495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119561659452232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993686277525347,0.0,0.0,0.15599979351817655,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emack_beezy,2019/05/25,"Have your meds ever made you come face to face with your subconscious in a super weird way? Hey guys. For the last three nights, since starting Topamax, I keep waking up in the middle of the night, mildly delusional, from weird ass dreams usually involving someone from my past that I thought wasn’t bringing me down much these days. Like, people that I haven’t thought about in ages. BPD is a complex ride and I was just wondering if meds of any kind have made anyone else stare their subconscious in the face at any point?",8.35666666666667,7.530926484848488,6.7926060606060625,81.62890909090909,61.92929292929293,10.344242424242424,32.931313131313125,9.3871,2.635964040404041,418,13,81,6,5,123,73,99,0.066,0.81,0.124,0.7882,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,1,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,6,5,5,2,1,13,15,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,6,1,10,3,15,9,1,22,0,0,1,1,7,9,1,2,10,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342325863579641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042103803947975,0.17646092856176884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690651965769334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835327814369667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110683994316793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386867860195834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578389729007208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052602302658934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307807834577025,0.0,0.17934183398767464,0.0,0.1403832298503254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413855858921412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259196477323061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825977641920539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660236717617654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232357804693833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440458257467422,0.11939646631541034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280466114085793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246312161093022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459224283243117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189902207464047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734487243795918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896772743536637,0.0,0.0,0.13670113901315564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676649942625945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwbpdmeaway,2019/05/25,"What’s been your weirdest obsession? I’ve went through so many phases and obsessions but for the past few months I’ve been so bizarrely obsessed with being pregnant. As in, if I was pregnant my life would be ruined BUT I keep thinking I’m pregnant, buying pregnancy tests that come out negative then a month or months later being convinced again that I’m pregnant. 
I just can’t seem to get it out of my head. It’s so obsessive and compulsive at this point and so w e i r d.",5.1646874999999985,5.563152760416667,5.645833333333336,83.08250000000002,68.27083333333334,8.9,32.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.582491666666667,379,16,76,6,6,122,70,96,0.203,0.76,0.037000000000000005,-0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,4,2,0,8,2,1,0,0,16,16,13,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,4,0,7,1,10,8,1,14,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,3,7,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600515800738116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370754550554065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692633044777812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332030388333689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531693087598247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659980387501477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6282543379690957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504581235201071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480207625060902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388482376762833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811359879067114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432159971419495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863773451208837,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hannahchrishy,2019/05/25,"What’s wild about this disorder to me that I’ve never thought about before When people ask what’s your favorite music, color, movie etc, you literally don’t know what to answer because you genuinely don’t know or it’s constantly changing. Neurotypical people don’t feel this way and that’s a strange thought to me. I don’t think I have any genuine preferences as far as personality identifiers because my whole life has been putting on other people’s personas. But everyday people who don’t have identity issues just know what they like and what they’re into and those preferences may not have changed in years because it’s genuine... and I think that’s why this is so hard to explain to people. I don’t think anyone can truly understand unless you’re feeling it. Nobody understands it’s like emptiness and feeling like a piece of furniture or something until you have someone to attach to, then you feel fulfilled but only for a short period. Idk maybe I’m thinking too much lol",8.18756756756757,8.02626627027027,7.889864864864865,71.4466891891892,61.972972972972975,10.643243243243244,37.41891891891892,10.125756701596842,3.8723621621621622,800,35,134,15,10,255,109,185,0.049,0.85,0.10099999999999999,0.7817,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,1,0,6,3,0,0,3,1,15,1,0,0,1,34,33,16,0,2,7,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,18,6,0,0,19,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,3,6,13,3,18,29,4,15,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,3,11,87,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756879924247679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003978369204664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038364447304956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235493097499424,0.0,0.10957476607307297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27244560915033583,0.0,0.0,0.13915586873115135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475828966230708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361387381245294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604422547567574,0.09199413685665872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535365913332365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440362709425108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21230777276678706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095487300959916,0.1887332414386692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129367930397512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466161346082058,0.0,0.09931625106127376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793626389343447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446368515653792,0.1124380031603944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294505747852594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910737937528553,0.09913432414776886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300454190971909,0.0,0.2044598219285612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268110621583851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221254680735777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619593578308285,0.1437683927409719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829244000844855
bpd,littlestoner42O,2019/05/25,"Why am I such a fuck up? I feel like I can’t do anything right. I’m so tired of feeling like this. It’s almost like every day is the biggest battle of my life just to live inside my own head. 
My relationship is failing and I don’t know how to save it. I don’t know how to save myself. 
Someone on here once said “I don’t want to die but I don’t know how to live” and I feel that. I feel like I’m the only person around me who isn’t normal. Every emotion I have comes in such overwhelming waves that just consume my entire being. 
I feel lonely, all the time. Even in a room full of people. I never feel like a first choice. I always feel like I’m the one sitting off to the side watching everyone. Like I’m unapproachable. 
I know it’s just my BPD making me feel crazy and all I can do is try again and again and again. But trying every day is just getting so tiring. How do I end this cycle? How do I get over my traumas? It’s an easy thing to tell someone to do but it’s hard as fuck to do. 
I don’t know how. 
I relive it all every time I think about it. 
My body hurts. 
I just wanna curl up in a ball so tight I disappear.",-0.8505110095554649,1.0848208634538141,1.7859299266029645,97.55132530120486,89.36144578313251,4.2376956100263135,15.413516133499515,5.501188778358388,-0.9100287771776759,861,17,209,5,29,296,116,249,0.14300000000000002,0.741,0.11599999999999999,-0.8640000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,23,17,3,1,10,0,21,7,2,7,4,47,47,18,1,3,8,0,10,7,0,0,3,1,1,1,13,7,0,1,14,1,0,2,8,8,0,2,1,12,32,9,24,45,5,27,0,4,1,2,5,14,2,1,17,137,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690180540059316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052091458521142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963398140844373,0.08614637543729528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749035227256472,0.12187921828271715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335932731928351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481809878291067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100432633697099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088539314698502,0.08571005331685852,0.0,0.0,0.06391608709341103,0.0,0.326133710912954,0.09246848201743507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914410969759759,0.34566477970482085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823130466963505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892577239160332,0.1011173180837774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866874749520065,0.0,0.09931458260037676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359495867490873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26591303174535114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835195636637438,0.3309406851914793,0.0,0.17090047479443968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459514559080894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463547399264278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481466903820962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305756051183006,0.06557428194036775,0.07359842320513467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670885688600133,0.08449637970612578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389543901846657,0.0,0.08264158752094022,0.0920510274283406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398687805373335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458179416368965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429010525120077,0.062006710961687785,0.0,0.0,0.11285546272924707,0.22244720258106954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140180837021778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707782360360807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087320440013776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Banker-Bloke,2019/05/25,"Alternatives to DBT since it's not available where I live? Perhaps CBT? Hey everyone,

I live in a third world country (Tunisia, to be specific) and I've talked to many mental health practitioners asking whether they specialize in DBT. All of them said they weren't and they instead offer CBT. 

Do you think it would be as effective? 
Should I even consider it?",3.6942857142857166,6.5405054848484845,3.999264069264069,83.18318181818184,77.48484848484848,8.013852813852813,29.12554112554113,8.841846274778883,2.732063203463204,286,13,52,7,7,89,51,66,0.0,0.935,0.065,0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,9,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,8,1,7,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,0,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273709999960484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933785858220818,0.0,0.0,0.2797640640847296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112117018107323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170606280039002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968332075019288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950536171034112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785010521928087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421908382549418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353256648635156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760175446481406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079826806914573,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Innerbooty,2019/05/25,"I don’t know where to start How did everyone take the leap for help? It’s such a huge draining step. I don’t want to be hospitalised which was an option that was laid on the table for me last time I asked for help from a professional. 
Another major thing that’s making it hard, is last time I went to therapy, it ‘unlocked’ things from past that my mind had blocked out, and it’s like I’ve relived them. It made everything a 100x worse and that scares me. I deal with PTSD, BPD, anxiety and depression on a daily basis. I know I need to get better, but I feel like dealing with it all will make things worse as they have in the past. 
I just need to hear from people that are, or have been in the same boat as me and how they dealt with it all. 
Thanks guys",3.9685443037974717,4.171346234177218,4.6125063291139226,90.1347088607595,70.83544303797468,8.59848101265823,24.027848101265825,8.548686976883017,1.0800511392405063,587,13,138,9,10,188,97,158,0.092,0.797,0.111,0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,1,5,6,0,1,9,0,13,0,0,5,2,28,29,10,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,16,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,7,3,16,4,21,20,4,16,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,2,9,89,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032439786756732,0.10966923288140276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402130106970808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678937430810555,0.0,0.0,0.18055562596484914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955936420354481,0.12347488568166692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698565586422773,0.12884181392993366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248661142636195,0.10241568916011956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489915393185669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419479362789641,0.0,0.0,0.12842149403161374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157599768282446,0.0,0.1921810145973205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575727004996747,0.2337134170111035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007591968955246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564974004335434,0.1913864744256064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447517101033286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125977451518038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737047495400831,0.0993870712027965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757898448477487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352735544875062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147022906422368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778811719141487,0.0,0.0,0.1319856946036663,0.16394349581880194,0.0,0.2857240231895046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718755669539262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455684500334608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289521746443692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921901110864966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pawspawsmeow,2019/05/25,"Newly diagnosed.... Um navigating relationships So I've been diagnosed for about a month.  I've been working on DBT.   I went to psych ward for a few days.   Looking back I really think I got overwhelmed tbh.    I'm in a ldr and I have a bit of physical health issues.   I'm recently diagnosed with epilepsy for example.   I basically just kinda got overwhelmed with life and I really wanted to be validated by literally everyone in the world.   I needed everyone outside my own relationship to say how awesome it was that I stopped working on it.   I gave up on living, I gave up on myself.  Which ultimately did not lead to good things.   I wasn't treating myself well and yeah.  So my bf decided he wanted space but he's also wanted to be there for me etc.  He said he doesn't want to date anyone.  He did say while I was gone he missed me.   We've texted everyday, often.  He texts me like nothing has happened asking how my day is etc looking at my FB stories etc .   We've not broken up.   He just needed a breather.   He was afraid that something bad would happen.   I've had to not talk to people about things though because I find it gets in my head.   Is this a BDP thing or am I just weird? Lol",0.8857304964539026,3.3910462893617037,3.1815957446808523,86.2041666666667,88.23404255319151,6.3673758865248224,22.30141843971631,7.675431598112923,1.3292865248226953,918,34,183,19,30,313,137,235,0.069,0.8490000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.4313,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,15,10,0,3,7,2,18,6,1,3,0,29,41,12,0,7,8,0,0,1,1,1,5,3,0,0,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,6,2,0,16,5,24,4,29,22,6,25,0,3,2,0,19,13,0,3,10,115,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067083630878743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927871150639647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599603673981862,0.0,0.0,0.08718307845832546,0.09466849468208056,0.06911607503877809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378281159181972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624287814450654,0.0,0.0,0.3452383337165205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793497408623557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668102750712176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362828458847123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923695269763959,0.0,0.0,0.09509869951898643,0.1813624696683633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052509022554754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636173393780275,0.12051882278234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834042620828315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008443425509783,0.05539228544742713,0.0,0.10011760134910597,0.0,0.19042316084712652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049972388156427,0.0,0.0,0.16814131952197942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087922372762442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860418878634254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526969048671054,0.0,0.11195017217733448,0.2434577705685721,0.0,0.0,0.10785140391132568,0.1803304260833649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728632124853472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479168859914157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911314450414548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259761233305081,0.07265004004814475,0.11139636933700453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675004757614189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194323846737924,0.10510542906593587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508560344914006,0.0,0.0,0.08054269068357167,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bakakitsune55,2019/05/25,"How to stop caring about what other people think? I dunno if this is a bpd thing or not, but I'm constantly stressed out over what other people think of me. I don't know why I value myself so much based on the opinion of others. (And I mean people I know, not just random strangers.)

Even if I have no reason to really suspect someone dislikes me, I'll come up with a million reasons in my head and then tell myself that they secretly hate me or are talking bad about me behind my back. Even if I'm in a great mood, it'll be ruined by me thinking that everyone thinks I'm a bad person. I feel like I don't have any real friends because I'm not very close to many people. I hope I'm making sense. 

I'm just at a loss with how to identify myself not based on other people's perceptions.. how can I be happy with myself? It feels impossible..",3.517438095238095,4.211395405714288,5.134071428571428,84.22834523809523,72.08571428571429,7.4333333333333345,24.869047619047624,7.492282038375204,1.148819047619048,656,18,135,7,12,223,104,175,0.201,0.6759999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,11,13,1,1,6,0,10,1,1,6,0,44,30,13,0,4,12,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,1,14,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,0,2,22,6,21,27,1,14,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,9,5,95,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917750118325869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377317739996507,0.22536599226711654,0.08226819748762262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997292065697422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759709212042634,0.0,0.0,0.11625302925386832,0.0,0.14583997508076496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827492091444033,0.0,0.0,0.12895666856643334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364760692094365,0.09641291272215098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426701619964764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878995928613348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436636473659056,0.0,0.1332415513203113,0.1385042495863144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404220298414096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833706774083322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593290310427709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008447634496504,0.13682465503412358,0.0,0.14700713465130147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992085168531638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467809038838002,0.11783876403174692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536099824438423,0.08645655572326176,0.2775154090179438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434815961633325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282963266481913,0.15459215409997445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084728800614974,0.1179578831483857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965906667979041,0.3458985678113894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135320258035078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177720230995508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thisisathrowaway8768,2019/05/25,"Found out my husband is ""talking"" to other people online. So obviously this is a throwaway account because he's on reddit. (PS sorry about weird formatting I'm on mobile)
I know this is never a good way to start a story, but I'm hoping yall at least understand where I'm coming from. 
My husband has been real distant lately so I did what any paranoid girl with severe trust and abandonment issues would do: I looked through his phone. I bet you can guess by the title of this what I found :) that's right, he's been sexting other girls (on kik for some reason. I didn't even know kik was still on the app store) of course now I dont know what to do. 
I dont know how to rationally bring it up with him. I know I've been kind of moody lately (because ive been supporting him financially all semester,) but he said he understood and always reassured me that everything's okay. He's had to pay no bills, I never once asked him to get a job until he finished the semester, never expected him to pitch in), we had started trying for a baby, we were looking into buying a house when our lease ended, I dont know what i did wrong or why I wasn't enough. I moved to this town for him. Outside of the people I chat with at work, I have no friends. Him and the dogs are literally all i have. Sorta kinda freaking out and could really use some advice?",3.4177007299270064,4.507438324817522,4.998255474452551,83.62877007299272,72.68613138686132,7.669781021897813,25.01386861313869,8.07648339933343,1.4003480291970805,1047,31,213,15,20,354,159,274,0.11800000000000001,0.787,0.095,-0.3686,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,3,2,0,1,9,13,0,0,11,1,28,0,0,3,6,47,54,12,0,4,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,13,13,0,1,11,1,6,3,10,5,0,0,16,3,33,8,34,36,6,31,0,1,2,0,29,14,0,8,13,144,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913667345549503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293034241400312,0.0,0.0,0.07594920119602708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044098093600402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616351026834445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620619526103512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917088134186149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926797484154193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891920185070777,0.11539980898328984,0.0,0.07376647284685503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037471000993503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449122934439805,0.08628706696221447,0.0,0.05835047355036468,0.0,0.0,0.0936755504504169,0.0,0.0,0.12303292459900457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092777914070974,0.0,0.1288687675690166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656946542559847,0.1108295037168228,0.0,0.0,0.11630208455776858,0.3682728526331919,0.0,0.2519696672336532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757348419156356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870281008222833,0.0,0.0,0.25841361303817983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894020871535367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485575911159635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712126350500866,0.0715478670525217,0.11483013302656772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537784146540586,0.10623741101976483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617154803549666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502150811187845,0.15810154337786536,0.0,0.08919128188728137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673809918219456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897676658122525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582635585156586,0.0,0.0,0.11626736758762388,0.0,0.09645943656176613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864985416477868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077777223499126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130755127439968,0.0,0.0,0.0793373718326706,0.12210932572839615,0.0,0.0
bpd,genexsen,2019/05/25,"I have the WORST problem I left my earphones at home and I have a long train journey. In addition to this an overly friendly, but clearly high hipster is trying to make conversation.

I have not had coffee.


This isn't BPD related but I needed to vent.


Also, high hipster smells like patchouli and marijuana had a bastard love child that doesn't showed.",3.337467532467535,6.095062227272727,3.999264069264069,83.18318181818184,78.24242424242424,6.195670995670996,29.12554112554113,7.447530270364453,2.0011541125541124,281,13,49,4,7,89,49,66,0.128,0.674,0.198,0.7338,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,1,10,11,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,6,3,6,9,1,8,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619101250595685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404841004621716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088642183789823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712586660443085,0.2711733283148849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937254892762084,0.0,0.0,0.13207459822158552,0.0,0.0,0.2392426276970548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24399264424085426,0.0,0.18045422632833166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045388126645847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25867912366187595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354329455188406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somesortoffreak,2019/05/25,"I think I might have bpd: what next? First of all: this is not me giving myself a self-diagnosis or asking for an unofficial diagnosis, as I don’t like those, but the more I learn about bpd the more I feel like I have finally found an explanation for the way I am. I’ve spent my life since I was a young teen becoming hopelessly obsessed with every single person who gave me attention, then proceeding to make that relationship with them my entire life. I’ve spent my life analyzing every word and action, having my emotions towards them change with every new conclusion I came to, and though I’m a quiet person and rarely lash out directly, I spending my time inside my mind imagining every path of it could take, making up endless detailed arguments and fights that I could start with the person I’m currently obsessed with. 

When I’m not doing that I don’t really think about or do much? I kind of feel like I haven’t been a functioning, independent person capable of living a fulfilling life without the love/lust of another since I was a kid probably. Almost every decision I make is based off of my desire to have someone in my life. I’m tired of feeling like I live for validation, of making my relationships my entire life, of ruining those relationships by overthinking and “moving on” as soon as I feel like they’re less interested then getting caught up on what I lost for months. I’m afraid of getting suicidal urges out of nothing besides feeling alone and lost. 

I don’t know if this is bpd, but I want to find out, because I want an answer for why I feel this way and a solution. But I’m also completely afraid of opening up to therapists and have a tendency to ghost them, and I’m not even sure if this is even anything significant, or I’m exaggerating completely normal emotions. Basically nothing that will help me find out. So if anyone has felt like I have, how long did it take for you to get an answer, and get a solution? Is it even worth it to, or should I just continue to try to ignore this?

TLDR: I think I might have bpd due to my tendency to obsess over anyone who acknowledges me and create entire alternate reality relationships and arguments with them inside my head, along with feeling like that’s the only important thing in my life. How do I open up enough to find out if this is bpd? Is it even worth it to get an answer or am I better not knowing?",8.853502668308703,6.87373213146552,9.303004926108377,67.71867816091954,61.73706896551725,12.976026272577991,36.96592775041051,11.765960540728905,4.262039326765189,1895,69,353,48,21,640,206,464,0.114,0.754,0.132,0.597,1,1,0,0,1,1,40.0,0,1,4,5,14,22,1,5,20,0,34,9,1,7,2,94,79,35,2,11,18,0,8,7,0,4,8,1,0,5,24,28,0,1,26,0,5,4,9,11,0,1,13,9,52,11,63,60,7,41,0,4,0,0,21,18,0,12,24,243,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190273538512817,0.06402577481258523,0.0,0.04943658135000039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482254522964825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864504758147762,0.0,0.05087171759506695,0.0,0.05779236087797975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03768425003394543,0.06827415872566231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467382585471306,0.0,0.0,0.3892939335398149,0.0,0.0,0.07070439484012872,0.0,0.0,0.0653962381374911,0.0,0.129631957965545,0.0,0.0,0.09871478141571402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907596638788253,0.0,0.06387548686172266,0.0,0.1633232986667144,0.0,0.26042560202251536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218802582951848,0.22081730367734892,0.05935587374254025,0.0677196234767358,0.16950416461712225,0.052583155982733575,0.0,0.06778127329665083,0.0,0.0,0.16148921473437258,0.059302357091877485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063444063825027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04143593018742521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437490962603258,0.06794814181857918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056518023950377,0.21141126915944694,0.0,0.10917450737536218,0.054707813657181616,0.0,0.0,0.13496534398768326,0.0,0.055794003950475686,0.0,0.16505848113526267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116024536107634,0.062419503476131226,0.0,0.04934328549244808,0.06570374641568821,0.045444031457647915,0.0,0.0,0.059705114289772473,0.065745140508413,0.0,0.06056943256977612,0.11863387407256873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701608703362962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591164425993656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665126947742417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960279381883031,0.0,0.0,0.2654816117282574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449063319450317,0.0,0.0,0.10227452652654824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237898446178693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437557615815172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761988313799179,0.0,0.0582636162492581,0.0,0.09296029388409204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177655021092717,0.04106975465312393,0.11883323550770472,0.060736791442716535,0.0,0.036047119128556585,0.07105177381170681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197100012245552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292482108638909,0.09813798904668726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578197505753228,0.0,0.0,0.059591248971622074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sonny789,2019/05/25,"I just need to know if I am I'm in the right place and there is more people like me. I was going to use an alt account but i said fuck it. anyways i have worried for a while if people are like me and if i fall into this bpd category. I don't feel like I am ever really here, I'm mostly trapped in the back of my head. I'm in a shell and always self conscious about everything, where I am going how I am going there and my interactions with people. I feel like I am going insane because I can't determine if regular people are like this. Please explain how you are and let's talk, because I really can't be in the unknown anymore.",1.7563034759358302,3.0340986544117685,4.3288770053475965,86.04767379679144,77.16176470588233,7.0042780748663125,23.39304812834225,7.686295010490155,1.04595,491,15,107,7,11,174,77,136,0.113,0.743,0.14400000000000002,0.5101,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,11,6,1,0,6,0,16,2,1,3,1,24,31,13,0,5,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,5,0,1,5,3,1,0,0,2,3,19,5,11,27,2,16,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,5,8,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287856513564664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349575014496425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190128395546702,0.0,0.18869947000485016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949343793996036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000334054788147,0.0,0.0,0.13910227889570376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651833098713808,0.22114335901222268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430874963393896,0.0,0.0,0.3518500336670604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588443608132363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506059121138546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582684800279231,0.0,0.3780775637368884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476410466708488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292074963985469,0.0,0.16170750110703927,0.16989706900685042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198306353386177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217746883331385,0.14722698551623348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146464760633378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440271941404694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367637570668106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718207784020272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smallestpotato_g,2019/05/25,"Are BPD sufferers more likely to end up in abusive relationships? I.e. are they more likely to be targeted by abusers such as those with narcissistic personality disorder, or BPD with narcissistic traits?

 From reading about BPD and NPD, it seems like BPD sufferers have ""vulnerabilities"" that can be exploited by abusers (fear of abandonment, emotional codependency, low self-esteem, etc.). 

I guess I'm asking because I wonder if I am somewhere along the spectrum of BPD (haven't seen a specialist yet to be diagnosed), and I just got out of a relationship with a textbook narcissist. I think awareness of my weaknesses can (hopefully) help me avoid getting involved in abusive relationships in the future...",11.194943502824852,11.147257364406777,10.580000000000002,54.237740112994366,55.864406779661024,14.646327683615821,46.78531073446328,13.5591,6.937842937853107,571,32,82,20,6,185,83,118,0.281,0.669,0.049,-0.9859,0,1,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,4,11,0,2,5,0,10,2,0,0,0,17,20,5,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,8,4,21,15,3,9,0,4,1,0,8,6,0,6,6,57,11,2,0.0,0.4951410921330922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766961312731756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636867237450227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6579102722922804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060394820030891,0.0,0.0,0.11973690014519528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175198211844287,0.09253345288952587,0.0,0.1165167540522322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756292873352085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458364700013564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355785175159096,0.0,0.11509050941822906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700270971715636,0.0,0.0,0.10376681405848966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312298241399533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122315840788764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450283503475843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364997455891533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510971812318296,0.10898975398741406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694308130221667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329820669892267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,disappointingpossum,2019/05/25,"i’m not important it feels like whenever i need them most the people in my life are unavailable. today i was so miserable and my mental state made me feel like i was in physical pain... i couldnt take it and the only friend i have was too busy to even text me a little. finally after hours of crying, nausea, wailing and contemplating suicide he finally messaged me back. but he couldnt help me, he doesnt want me to hurt myself bc it’ll make him sad but he cant do anything for me. i begged him to let me see him soon but he said that he has two months to study for a test and cant make even a little time out of a single day for me to see him. he said he needs to manage his own life. why doesnt he love me why is he leaving me all alone he said he’ll be there for me but he’s not. i wish i was more important to people. i cant wait to die. im all alone and he doesnt care. im in so much pain. i bet he’ll make time to see spmeone else",-0.6016261203585138,1.1016002863849756,2.1464724711907834,96.91781370038416,86.04225352112677,5.750661545027742,16.724071702944947,6.980632752743323,-0.27450985915492954,723,15,185,10,22,252,108,213,0.20199999999999999,0.753,0.045,-0.9866,0,2,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,1,6,0,20,5,0,4,2,29,43,11,2,6,6,0,2,2,1,3,4,3,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,10,5,0,1,8,8,30,5,20,28,7,18,0,3,3,1,28,6,0,2,13,106,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353370115028528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349358148249128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873611625748753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583573169618208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479822920584475,0.07327080024541098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791205784249922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490884234718412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008024943673642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489200165696695,0.16232988819787122,0.0,0.2489143451330914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777689940346414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615220594903839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188563570646637,0.0,0.12162475790794668,0.0,0.2454424498329387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029945754625125,0.0,0.11617669543836395,0.16049603671705198,0.11101086449200677,0.2277395689551116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253990824725118,0.10750309506232636,0.22751210227801064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144948916237104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068458272872183,0.0,0.08351841570984235,0.16848477261943928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640758700258246,0.2417838715564585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752949854626538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242151182650553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27160386574653544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427386675482376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542262008990514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249697194346674,0.0,0.10769156651761826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098311097640133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701172109625762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050356023678436,0.0,0.1306490117535478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frankendesign,2019/05/25,"DAE fall in and out of love with their partner? I go through a phase where I imagine my life all alone and make my relationship seem smaller and smaller in my head until I am ready to go and then it goes away again. 
It’s hard to remember that this feeling will pass eventually. Anyone else?",3.0475862068965505,4.965218931034482,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,75.20689655172414,6.708965517241379,27.11724137931035,7.554174236665415,1.3717613793103451,230,9,48,3,5,73,46,58,0.057,0.799,0.145,0.7419,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,1,1,12,8,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,10,7,1,12,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29155434296889243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683488211821512,0.2884351990101531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644832689013983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351613543128215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233741578328765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199716238959102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521732390547508,0.0,0.28890540408026866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883534780751688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25406930585379195,0.0,0.1879068123724425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30223108234271656,0.3188903549811175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562716325329089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soundslikeaaa,2019/05/25,"I can't let go of my fp (aka my ex) tw:selfharming, suicidal thoughts

Well, where do i begin.

About two months ago my fp dumped me saying that he has fallen out of love and we broke up. I reacted in the worst way possible, begging him to fix everything and harming myself with a knife. Guess what? 

We were in a relationship 6months and during that time we never had any big arguments or such. I had an awful period of my life resulting in huge pile of anxiety and I needed (well, still need) any support. My fp was pretty supportive indeed and he promised me a bright future, told me that I was the one, yada yada.

Anyway, it was all bullshit. He really didn't care about me and my mental state. Five days after my breakup I asked him to meet up. He tried to explain everything in detail that he just doesnt feel it anymore, that I should find another boyfriend. The meeting ended with my meltdown and leaving him alone while I was crying all alone and feeling like total unlovable shit.

The point is - he doesn't want to talk with me anymore. Our last talk was month ago. I had a panic attack and I wanted to kill myself. He insisted on me not to do it and we talked for some time. But he doesn't want to have anything common with me. He ended this relationship, doesn't care about me anymore and wants to move on.

But I don't. I feel so fucking lonely without him. I tried to fill my empty void with other people but it doesn't work out, I guess. I have a shitty period of my life and I just crave his presence in my life. I'm so fucking pathetic",2.377582417582417,4.309504230769232,3.846098901098904,87.3346153846154,77.2051282051282,6.764835164835166,23.32234432234432,7.7094869923839395,1.1163228937728935,1208,38,245,18,28,399,166,312,0.18100000000000002,0.763,0.055999999999999994,-0.987,0,4,0,0,0,1,38.0,5,0,0,1,13,22,6,1,10,1,25,7,1,2,4,53,50,19,2,7,8,1,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,12,23,0,0,6,0,0,4,11,12,2,3,12,5,48,10,36,36,5,40,0,2,1,3,32,15,3,4,20,168,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239485982654548,0.0,0.0,0.2014227144523796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322531258326951,0.1019646623261278,0.0743883658071869,0.0,0.2893079768136328,0.0,0.0,0.08002026899984598,0.0,0.09090631262744232,0.1106245855577109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828540661603247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681361985930876,0.06271178248284102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225162929449958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478615896303373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750246058724842,0.06946830528008589,0.0,0.0,0.08887563653883508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797937034486032,0.0,0.0,0.05526375664358275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142417379290068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075816989233811,0.0,0.0,0.0792636125095836,0.0,0.1029631638957946,0.0,0.09943453093870444,0.20605055172551248,0.04750657263150942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776293421491377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979950910165238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523214725601386,0.10335077546095812,0.0,0.1442045177177243,0.07499751488237187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658923689050111,0.0,0.0,0.11409023749628545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741400131004538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192327024518243,0.10962353652688854,0.0,0.09892808092055147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062294460740510565,0.0,0.0,0.2087988276128881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732918415625986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099815505514496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765602297891612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063648230144475,0.2206936941400796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344735865963825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719773135855673,0.1134029006960953,0.0,0.0,0.0929170270552115,0.0,0.13203921073493052,0.0,0.09498939129243364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294187841876352,0.07718461901688732,0.0,0.0,0.17486095124702186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373593026095103,0.0,0.07079190854217958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Darcyt90,2019/05/25,Boyfriend with friends Anyone else get mad when their boyfriend hangs out with their friends? Even if you two didnt have plans? I dont know why I get so angry and anxious. Maybe I just really dont trust men? How do you deal with it? It really messed with my last relationship and I dont want it to mess up this one.,0.9824675324675312,3.1551367272727298,1.6750216450216475,99.8468181818182,83.24242424242424,5.58961038961039,18.51948051948052,6.868970318607317,-0.21263376623376606,248,6,60,3,7,76,45,66,0.267,0.6509999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9163,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,2,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,12,10,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,1,0,9,3,7,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,2,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127409584052543,0.0,0.1316733663046369,0.19294971097452715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414322775612514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6621070068881763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573119907097056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437946887360099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909815027133602,0.0,0.1967723446337148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349232301007147,0.15350085622953827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918649277929173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276062839640179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412772458704068,0.0,0.0,0.2021785142231997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183955189959936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107234042507136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992388684322665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,achillesheart,2019/05/25,"inability to have long-term relationships? Does anyone feel unable to maintain long-term interpersonal relationships? I feel like everyone in my life has an expiry date—I’ve never kept a friend for longer than a couple of years. I’ve also noticed that the more I interact with a person, the faster I split. I don’t know why it happens, but it’s like after a while, all the small things become “the last straw,” even though there were never that many straws to begin with, and then I inevitably irreversibly split on them.

I started college last fall, and I really tried to form healthy attachments to my new friends, but not even a year later, I realize that I hate everyone. I’m really worried about this, since nothing has changed from before. It feels like I’ll always have unfulfilling, meaningless relationships for the rest of my life and die alone.",7.918397435897432,8.310814044871794,7.432820512820518,72.64551282051283,62.39743589743589,10.77948717948718,32.717948717948715,10.504223727775694,3.384671794871795,685,24,119,15,9,215,105,156,0.147,0.74,0.114,-0.7516,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,11,0,6,2,0,0,3,17,16,9,1,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,13,5,17,14,4,18,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,17,74,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479528427740906,0.0,0.10408024043883476,0.10829453153066212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100332247037048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437395277318472,0.11074735369943013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376805596842775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400757588628602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507428563926768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389441158097414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719245923797593,0.0,0.0,0.2487262096565589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974219855047791,0.18595717933714676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110584446571095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509047701742285,0.0,0.0,0.12849535583182406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152657753355862,0.21217788093327905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385640878600396,0.19075292417698936,0.0,0.0,0.23035583140387936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195082585695014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075811938397006,0.1256988748213185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248816342117809,0.14817568727423222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364123101990233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675377585401846,0.0,0.0,0.4191944895796205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766073442951613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212024904688526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646532228428569,0.0,0.1278708940670156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883627399976657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743937824173588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132172794914906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762359064212268
bpd,hongiscool,2019/01/22,"How to let things go? Like after an argument you had with your SO and it was your fault, how do you cope with that and let it go? How do you not let the guilt eat you alive? I tend to breakdown and blame myself and then spiral into an episode. Even if my partner tells me that they forgive me and want to move on, the subject still lingers in my mind and I want to keep apologizing because I’m afraid he hates me.  ",1.3857758620689682,3.1731492298850625,2.3501005747126453,97.58308189655176,79.6896551724138,5.269540229885059,21.219827586206893,5.985473137389443,-0.12670000000000006,321,9,76,2,8,101,58,87,0.127,0.753,0.12,-0.4071,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,6,1,0,6,6,1,2,4,0,7,1,0,3,0,19,15,12,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,9,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,15,2,10,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,4,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649660512122527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291211123345099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789385343429398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545122946349989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106986626325764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902608524482973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6869052749629666,0.0,0.10939363829959353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260904836946388,0.0,0.0,0.23798638214662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881893849580704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571172201096584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875928480103393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26414192927810537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adultingsucksalot,2019/01/22,"What made you realize you are a pwBPD? First off, congratulations to all of you here who have BPD.  From what I understand of the disorder, one of its hallmarks is that it's extremely difficult for people with it to know they have it, because they can't acknowledge or accept it.

So my question is... how did you get here?  How did you come to realize this about yourself?

And if you're getting help or treatment for it, how did you get to that point?  ",4.743333333333332,5.7012854545454585,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,69.45454545454545,9.503030303030306,30.57575757575757,9.725611199111238,2.724312121212122,352,14,72,8,6,114,59,88,0.09300000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.071,-0.2586,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,6,2,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,4,1,18,16,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,0,10,1,13,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,4,1,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898986499774538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34914707982286936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387992483018223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177164941282827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358019709208259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345057774317555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581376150836115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235207417456942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623109103456514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785047503219432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218844883492897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26206115016085085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105482387622608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885943042090272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ExpensiveDonut,2019/01/22,"The Sopranos makes me feel at home Imo the greatest TV show ever made, not only because of Its obvious overall quality writing, cast, phenomenal characters and underlying themes, but because to me on a personal level, it just really resonates and feels so familiar and relatable. Im ofcourse not talking about the mob life depicted, but rather all of the underlying psychological themes and all the colorful, hilarious, awesome, angry, sad and ultimately flawed characters and their dysfunctional relationships.
Im on my 6th viewing now and i still love every bit of it!
Does anyone else relate? What is your go to TV show? ",9.67208722741433,10.235842953271034,10.222943925233649,53.5322975077882,58.719626168224295,14.236137071651092,44.00155763239876,13.295006501635747,6.766920249221183,504,28,71,19,6,171,79,107,0.069,0.7829999999999999,0.147,0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,2,4,22,7,10,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,7,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,11,6,4,10,0,1,2,1,8,6,0,0,3,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523300499968539,0.22321931871649264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656061120618465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784243613762185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064734055331706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819908162328967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706331426176066,0.1835531596681854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203091792405906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381264169519884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852743044065448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706439429521037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387820566514296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966236352362088,0.20614070864321246,0.1454206379245966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568938044561007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022354275693595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956419569888365,0.0,0.0,0.23389592021712516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398016227112822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510448032862266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,duckinterpreter,2019/01/22,"Sister with BPD is about to have a baby- Advice Please! So my little sister is about to have a baby and we're all very excited! She's working really hard on her mental health and we're geared to deal with whatever her brain throws at her. 

Here is what I need advice with: I am my sisters Favourite Person™. I basically raised her and every other adult treated her like crap so my fumbling attempts at doing a good job have somewhat cemented my place, to her, as best person and parent. This is not really true, but that's okay. I try and remind her that I did the bare minimum and she deserves that from everyone. 

Anyway- I have two questions:  
1) How do I avoid my sister feeling like I love her baby more than I love her?   
This is something she's already expressed concern about. I know that being continually verbal about how much I love her etc will help, but since I'm going to be around a lot- probably living together- I will be taking care of bub a lot, especially to give sister a break when she needs it. I'm worried that that extra care and attention that babies need will translate to her as more love.  
2) How do I help her stop comparing herself as a parent to how she sees me as a parent?   
As I said, she sees me as being an almost perfect parent. I am not, but her perception is that, and that's not a fair standard for her to hold herself to. It is compounded by the fact that she sees me as more of a mother than our actual mother- so she is afraid her daughter will too. Our mother was horrifically abusive, and I cannot imagine the same situation happening. But she's afraid of that, and I don't know how to assuage her fears, because words alone don't seem to be helping. ",3.5818856364874065,5.0157517551622455,4.9498672566371695,82.7974217154527,72.74631268436578,7.57526662128432,26.312797821647376,8.139509932561175,1.6506944860449284,1331,45,261,20,26,444,168,339,0.09,0.735,0.175,0.9875,5,2,1,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,0,4,17,20,1,4,14,1,31,7,2,5,4,51,54,30,0,3,7,13,2,2,0,4,1,1,0,2,17,14,0,3,8,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,3,6,54,15,38,42,12,12,0,0,3,4,56,6,1,6,5,196,71,2,0.0,0.1157414824337133,0.095327070838583,0.0,0.0,0.1909145086555052,0.0,0.0,0.09781803473272113,0.10117283873551522,0.10779850742807401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696090965268853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954824541699676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251502828156256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303161492079645,0.109049455106593,0.0,0.0,0.199193993802648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070958173028917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894528494310288,0.0,0.0,0.08230434543946923,0.09334279323559536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992347730419597,0.04939278306208949,0.06978662427859697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370894500308506,0.05551698728736799,0.08193406084787931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638306847080643,0.0,0.08750712539041466,0.0,0.0,0.1038352428488422,0.0,0.0,0.19642982978244564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693790170019774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737092076920464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544851631638727,0.09790665113171944,0.08625818946392255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660976365465398,0.3526603328496134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098444125998817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181016832072053,0.2172979416296766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338732693068884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059062564859934,0.10206067840512477,0.10722947298779717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532161708461366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943024740494313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515981522244055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292139151530164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23352836796590026,0.0889293168701163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080655180909814,0.10980272633602707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752031604274162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166954985546022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344742683295602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663221216672071,0.0,0.09542465349990327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060086446188289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111629258090026,0.09920448580106027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chaoticrush,2019/01/22,"Oh Boy.. I spent last night at my FPs house. When I hugged him goodbye this morning, I was like “I missed you.” And he smiled and told me he missed me too. We only went 3 days without seeing each other, so I know I had no reason to miss him, or vice versa, but it was nice knowing he felt the same way. 

However, I just got a phone call from my Dad that I might have to go to Ontario for 4 weeks to take care of my grandfather. I’m the only one in our family who is in a position to be able to do so, and it would be good for me. I’m worried about not seeing my FP for that time. I know I’m stressing over nothing but ugh. There’s a very large possibility I won’t be able to anyway, as my ID is missing and my grandmas surgery is next week. She’ll be bedridden so she needs help with him. I go with my mom to see about an emergency replacement in the morning.

So I’m in a super good mood cause my FP likes spending time with me as much as I do him, but my anxiety is peaking cause I want to be able to help my grandparents out, and probably won’t be able to. Going would be good as I’ll be so busy I won’t be able to stay in my head, but I’ll feel terrible if I can’t.",1.192011494252874,2.0270944367816104,3.469614942528737,93.43062931034487,77.81226053639847,6.905823754789274,22.62854406130269,7.365786028017652,0.5333201532567049,892,25,226,11,20,309,141,261,0.08900000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.171,0.9788,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,1,0,1,12,17,0,1,8,0,27,2,1,3,0,34,54,21,0,5,9,2,2,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,6,0,2,4,7,7,0,1,8,5,39,9,35,30,3,23,0,4,3,1,21,8,0,3,11,142,46,0,0.5403471732193775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826728217035144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035097565854557,0.0,0.11018399106969186,0.22203415695019801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969584498403643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018782450488659,0.0,0.05464315327913415,0.0,0.10376360480858836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842550505076394,0.2719305433790539,0.08643299921544298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091041797726583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487332807175146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469761789899265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817640506118568,0.08809101307005936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055945339380042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464459208600775,0.0,0.12656961572340125,0.0,0.0,0.07944346909176896,0.08013211644559948,0.0,0.0,0.114933069764767,0.10141584358900288,0.0,0.10369553718956874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323064577364162,0.16438334968380006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183204983003618,0.0,0.0,0.11651712880252828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111337775282724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583520428428944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151876382345521,0.0,0.0,0.12379317225605355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125476544510846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603231282443164,0.0,0.0,0.10326497601610128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916860152797931,0.06374215253546066,0.08578048700218006,0.17337356364701595,0.0,0.0,0.10018144861620767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417507852992744,0.0,0.0,0.10974975669604847,0.0,0.15353885141490614,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Akatosh_,2019/01/22,How to salvage your day if you wake up late? I feel useless because the sunset is in 2 hours. I start hating myself and feel worthless when the sun sets because I wake up at 2-3 for the past week. It’s definitely depressing. I don’t want to spiral right now. My mood’s been full of self hate. Anyone have any tips on how to salvage the day? I normally try to go on a walk but at this point that feels like “faking” doing something useful.,1.2751159951159965,3.3062693076923075,3.0060805860805893,91.51947496947498,81.19780219780219,5.363125763125763,21.1001221001221,6.42735559955562,0.25557777777777746,341,10,73,3,9,113,70,91,0.151,0.742,0.107,-0.4784,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,4,8,2,0,5,0,5,2,2,3,0,11,14,6,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,3,9,1,13,13,1,22,0,3,0,0,3,10,0,1,10,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442254786570744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829518062942404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585708227976297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27355532926965725,0.0,0.18266901388864604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32171055084480993,0.15151399284415662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053313226625265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187812375603453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886159161435025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392417911680312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361430981682968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779885498377865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245970028279706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048944124929755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111994098690126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125153177815468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327385410375914,0.0,0.0,0.1501152771260986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399219867089014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831738608179089,0.0,0.0,0.12509358003471038,0.0,0.17012227307444355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jacuzziturtle,2019/01/22,"I want to gain control of my life but have never had professional help. I’ve been a long time lurker for this sub ever since I realized my personality matches with some of the signs and symptoms of bpd. I actually thought I was able to cure myself if I understood more of what bpd was and by reading other people’s experience. Well now, I’m not doing so good. Main reason I have been putting off getting therapy is the cost and finding a qualified therapist that can even handle all my issues. I’m also afraid of what I’ll be diagnosed with. I have this fear that once I’m diagnosed with a mental disorder, it might be harder or impossible for me to achieve working for my dream job. I know that sounds silly but there are questions when applying for jobs that ask if you have a mental disorder or not. But despite all that, I realize that if I don’t get professional help now or sooner, I will lose all the people I love. I already have no friends. The only people I talk to are my parents, my SO, and coworkers. 

I’ve been looking at therapists today in my area on Psychology Today. I’m looking specifically for therapist who specialize in bpd and ones who look older/can be my mom because I want someone with a lot of experience. I want someone who can fix me. I dread having to screen one therapist after another because they weren’t the right fit. I’m thinking, if one has a lot of experience, it would be harder for them to say they can’t help me because they haven’t treated someone like me. But now that runs into the main reason I haven’t been getting professional help. Someone who has a lot to experience is going to charge a lot. 

Since I’ve never had counseling and I’m not even diagnosed with anything yet, should I just find a regular therapist who specializes in trauma and mood disorder to just start talking? The ones who specialize in that or have less than 10 years of experience aren’t charging as much as this other therapist I found. The therapist I have in mind specializes in bpd, dbt, and seems to be the head lead of a dbt group. I can see why her cost is high. But I’m thinking if I start with them, they’re not going to put me in dbt immediately. So what I’ll be getting is just regular therapy sessions but they’ll be charging a lot. Based on this subreddit, dbt sessions are hard to get into but is worth the money. I just don’t know where to start. I just want to get my messed up self fixed already. ",4.493438070880521,5.611504302277435,5.903503227377907,78.03963189623678,70.15942028985508,9.326245280720984,30.76902935087078,9.627879704456738,2.8859171111923034,1930,80,373,44,34,653,206,483,0.096,0.825,0.079,-0.9034,5,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,6,6,20,18,0,3,21,0,49,7,1,4,6,79,85,31,0,11,25,2,1,1,1,5,5,2,0,2,25,16,0,1,15,2,4,6,14,6,1,4,12,8,48,11,54,61,14,42,0,1,5,1,30,19,0,18,18,265,73,12,0.057816806909141635,0.0,0.05642086336865852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760456826043584,0.04623607959660357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060625963184495736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757830577500957,0.0,0.05405090976481708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573376656683796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29127297731515395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484646521148088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604852593566309,0.0,0.0,0.19878920919335716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637491136039089,0.05229861192398238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827796566628545,0.0,0.06505998180191294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568702815036644,0.0,0.0,0.06339314454443082,0.04466912159721223,0.0,0.181241371855938,0.0,0.06571724751060655,0.048493994535563856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179250261236753,0.0,0.059336724037976435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501354778085485,0.061086630862479674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034572513512691,0.11474851915532973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354921007427447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408377205660428,0.02824637141608468,0.0,0.0,0.0511660547257802,0.1456546688063023,0.06468221796487629,0.0,0.2457689084278572,0.05218192555435243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165314854126031,0.061334495416365736,0.058378493259280635,0.06771434547574794,0.0,0.0,0.042502005565284696,0.0,0.08918377156283214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061573012421786276,0.15671265868943207,0.04397228697950254,0.0,0.0,0.06419872191480684,0.0,0.0,0.1202486822876992,0.05048340569485952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624372010581835,0.06476805573610311,0.0,0.0578324529582011,0.0,0.0,0.11889061375638092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049375237194741066,0.0,0.04597824545085745,0.0,0.0,0.046072509539360984,0.05263424956267705,0.0603155389832875,0.0,0.0,0.0956533202752781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959519714859428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276910053528745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009380003857943,0.0,0.09294191866369378,0.0,0.0,0.13223711497057816,0.4699083833606166,0.0,0.0740933506540716,0.0,0.04590008648585682,0.03371344505916528,0.0,0.10960714521615722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640740278730193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051984252930690984,0.0,0.05217067540645783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04209132402470199,0.0,0.0,0.041071400783024736,0.0,0.0,0.03723212805101225
bpd,notamilkdrinker,2019/01/22,"Do you keep people at an arm's length or hold onto every moment with them? I don't know if I should keep my friends at an arm's length in order to avoid feeling bad about them inevitably leaving me, or if I should embrace every moment with them, even if it'll be 1000x more painful. My friends and I are at a point where after this year we may not be close/have time for each other. In all honesty, they're the only people I consider my *actual* friends, which is pretty sad because they have other groups they spend more time with. This is why I'm so afraid of getting so close (or getting closer for that matter because I'm already fucking attached).

I feel like I should start to just emotionally distance myself from them and tell myself they're not that important to me/that I'm not as important to them as they are to me so I hurt a lot less. I'm so conflicted. Why can't I just function like a normal person and have friends that I *know* will stay with me and care about me??? Wtf brain?",3.9871428571428567,4.8381192167487725,4.538891625615765,88.34705665024633,71.11822660098522,6.982266009852218,26.32266009852217,6.868970318607317,1.0129467980295566,783,24,164,6,14,249,109,203,0.109,0.735,0.156,0.8420000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,8,0,10,14,1,2,6,0,17,5,3,0,1,39,32,16,0,7,11,0,2,2,4,6,1,0,0,1,9,11,0,5,4,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,0,2,29,7,24,24,6,19,0,2,0,1,17,10,1,8,9,111,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.1419805738755496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055558838561235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148091443251305,0.17738285637462986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241875556070748,0.0,0.0,0.1483402212187548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366049575567054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609702065163876,0.0,0.2451689345985367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713167252019665,0.10394051633759237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496313696902361,0.13450630683553558,0.1520285963365363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575369732254185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586424436156084,0.0,0.0,0.15991873886664834,0.0,0.0,0.15405650643026322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216145532382615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369328853176755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255264398972256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065428933932617,0.15481523908306355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017336129418409,0.12703922775719065,0.0,0.0,0.13753829367510506,0.0,0.0,0.1480190969062968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029809796557626,0.15507660932858913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271676473032819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967674689930606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625703327254853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369298149072892
bpd,jinalaska,2019/01/22,"Recently diagnosed after years of denial, manipulation becoming out of control I like to imagine that I can be fairly self aware, and in my inner-dissection I realized I’m incredibly manipulative with my girlfriend when I decide I’m not getting enough attention.

But I’ve also noticed that around the same times, I feel as though I’m having a bipolar (2, diagnosed) depressive wave which makes me more needy. 

Idk if she actually withdraws when I get this way, or if me perceiving this makes me depressed before the manipulation comes. 

Either way it’s not okay, and I’d love any pointers if any has any on how to figure this out and stop my abusive behaviors before she pulls out for good. ",6.992265625000003,7.8446574453124995,7.889062499999998,66.99968750000001,64.390625,11.0875,35.53125,10.9516,4.250668750000001,555,25,92,15,8,187,90,128,0.16899999999999998,0.759,0.071,-0.8789,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,1,4,4,0,7,0,33,14,14,0,3,8,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,7,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,14,4,14,13,4,17,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,4,8,61,21,0,0.0,0.1991195015674664,0.1639989261597384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439474249327613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428526001397932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960593748929818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856052285638148,0.286007450011485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476581572670086,0.0,0.0,0.18848968315939035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894936778154457,0.34114767105214383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364731488282395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497442867975992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560519628987012,0.0,0.0,0.14095783995830385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210392935462019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167757536682808,0.0,0.22435807111594225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133346782271907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659355441545943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531960756027293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050278014861314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651146827492278,0.0,0.09799511132471887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26679089464865235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082228922856177
bpd,XZigh,2019/01/22,Topic of self diagnosis I saw the post that says don’t ask for diagnosis and I agree this is not an argument regarding how it can be dangerous it’s an argument about self diagnosis plain and simple I’ve been medically diagnosed with depression and anxiety after I’ve theorized I had it and after that mainly because I don’t take medicine because I think it’s better to get over things than get so doped up you forget them that’s just my point of view but anyway after that I stopped going to see the doc over dumb diagnosis’s that cost way more money than they should just to find out how many disorders I have and to me the vast majority of disorders are kind of like doctors excuses for things they don’t truly know what they are all they see is a pattern mainly because it’s a stereotype that gets past down it’s kind of like they have no idea what it is so they slap a label on it and call it a day I’m not too informed about BPD so I cannot make a theory suggesting it’s another way to get people on meds but all this was me just saying a lot of things we think are awful can be used to make us smarter it’s like a adaptation in your brain. Cheers.,3.755579692457893,4.704417020746892,5.264134732731268,82.5711935562607,71.73858921161826,9.156065413717355,26.62460336831829,9.478462496947786,2.136509201855016,926,30,196,21,17,313,128,241,0.09699999999999999,0.782,0.121,0.7012,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,2,2,7,1,12,10,2,0,12,1,20,4,1,5,2,33,37,13,0,1,7,0,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,2,24,9,0,1,6,0,2,1,7,3,0,0,4,6,22,7,30,30,7,20,0,1,4,0,20,10,1,1,9,135,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249168602126035,0.09665936983773024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181225961545634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310700608448444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117485798044622,0.0,0.0,0.15913663812431705,0.14105125488374354,0.12902010054025162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148695445069966,0.0,0.10882728297810124,0.128245198358287,0.0,0.0,0.2896219826777281,0.12932720891666707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154839594680406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640560102489821,0.0,0.0718090770521847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426366712962112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631535149878161,0.0694400678009609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518844945247145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742043619206007,0.0,0.0,0.1686826425917402,0.12810167366949005,0.0,0.0,0.1403492205847215,0.12728692082310744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061782469449794,0.08759696243037181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944401895254808,0.0,0.1210108345203628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096126940021386,0.0,0.0,0.2013732779642373,0.0,0.26362657295382924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056364058091168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950014075049151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518290983111441,0.16192324930571825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519865837464833,0.10912805166602443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058557690796386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nopecheeto,2019/01/22,help? i can feel myself on the brink of having an entire self destructive as hell breakdown over something completely fucking stupid. any tips on how to get a grip? i want to cry and the rage i feel right now is mind blowing. i want a new brain. ,1.9255102040816323,4.219501959183674,2.680979591836735,93.29616326530613,80.42857142857143,5.552653061224492,22.044897959183675,6.742157984588678,0.4721314285714282,192,6,40,2,5,60,40,49,0.32799999999999996,0.584,0.08800000000000001,-0.9541,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,5,0,3,2,1,1,0,7,9,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,7,9,0,7,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,2,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336432530377606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31742301700267245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29813028359959937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123395898177442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875467135970869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628723362288327,0.14855850715402005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905904348258579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28710735478409305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27462213693150284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428290445911031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29663380952566065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890264419636893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33542805235903034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EricVane,2019/01/22,"Trying to understand Hello everybody, 
I hope to be in the right place, I have a question about a behavior, I'm not sure if it fits the BPD spectrum but since the person in question told me to have BPD (don't know if diagnosed) I'm trying to understand more.
When this person passes from the idealiziation phase to the ""you are the worst person on earth"" phase (sorry I didn't how else to describe it) tries to find ""reasons"" to fight even if they aren't plausibile. 
My question is: after I spend 2 hours talking and calming her down and explaining with all the love in the word that that I have no intention to fight over pretextes (yes, she jumps from one to the other without correlation like she's looking for the right one) in the end doesn't she realize what just happened? I mean, looking back, doesn't think critically about what just happened? I'm sorry if my english is bad and I hope I have not offended anyone I'm still trying to learn about BPD. Thanks for who'll take the time to answer.",5.164737048665621,6.026171525510208,5.58183673469388,81.89722919937206,68.43877551020408,8.683830455259027,29.362637362637358,8.841846274778883,2.2128513343799048,793,28,154,13,13,254,112,196,0.125,0.773,0.102,-0.5921,0,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,0,1,1,0,10,12,3,0,14,1,14,2,0,3,2,35,34,10,0,6,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,14,0,1,2,9,5,0,2,2,2,17,7,29,30,3,20,0,0,2,1,20,11,0,9,8,105,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726937341594367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497340227842043,0.09226909882011344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175407670449136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216272825560768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231478843512823,0.0,0.09787679395395968,0.0,0.0,0.07298912373392076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100180068736624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954427333831414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951765035693951,0.10882757110648417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060732000531128386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398835459446707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559683984462536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973728160517706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037500155148145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497654063620521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894725096872149,0.11545675739208387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371380880180995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136200561637137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887455046588848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141289861782294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24740806962328066,0.0,0.0,0.08825138655026983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041519570157804,0.0,0.08308784414762062,0.08882169655689437,0.0,0.10174040616620336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708087072367521,0.0,0.0,0.06443777856078314,0.0,0.0,0.10559459726617333,0.0,0.3001091989870412,0.0,0.0,0.2300842903710051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065252313700676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnakeShow,2019/01/22,"Hi I'm having a mental breakdown Over something really stupid, of course! It wouldn't be BPD any other way. Yesterday a friend of mine and my boyfriend made me an instagram account because I had avoided it forever, for fear of people judging me. They started following random people and although most of them followed me back, I panicked because I thought it was complete and utter social suicide to follow people. I thought I was gonna get punched in the face or something? Not sure. God, it sounds so stupid when I write it all out and read it but I've been on the edge all day. Why do I have to panic at the littlest things? ",4.57384335154827,6.017886803278687,4.97863387978142,83.51217668488161,70.31147540983606,7.0615664845173045,32.408014571949,7.3871296695380915,2.1905872495446266,498,23,91,5,9,158,89,122,0.174,0.809,0.017,-0.9445,1,1,2,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,0,3,7,2,3,6,0,9,1,1,1,3,19,19,9,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,1,1,3,2,5,0,0,7,1,14,2,12,9,3,14,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,5,63,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038087452272296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742616046827853,0.0,0.2337498916025359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24147333351330424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102201911525047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364799684712252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574607886847705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812773634705168,0.0,0.10016939810434143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814166395726648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19321563229940086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495022095868628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987578996204021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177879568221276,0.0,0.122825169055646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544144169502167,0.0,0.2952014870459841,0.0,0.0,0.1357052948838427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097181228158153,0.0,0.18070034524195025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127374840810987,0.0,0.0,0.3044195035036549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218389832018814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300371655702526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilovecupcakesforeva,2019/01/22,"Having an “FP” is unhealthy I kind of feel like allowing yourself to have a favorite person is kind of opposes trying to heal from BPD. People on here seem to all find it normal to have an FP, which I think is enabling as fuck to this condition. I want to see more about people striving to be their own favorite person and not rely on anyone for emotional security.",6.616690140845073,6.4657849999999994,7.453626760563381,73.23846830985919,65.19718309859155,9.916901408450704,33.24295774647887,9.516144504307137,3.1160394366197184,289,11,51,5,4,97,52,71,0.087,0.74,0.17300000000000001,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,1,11,13,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,4,15,12,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,1,1,38,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046280851178973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890311352189169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581422479490453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603563985767275,0.1639457244491507,0.0,0.0,0.20974717260614756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121572481467089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779512755218524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211586974472652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484876268201046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181951031691475,0.4007587986279906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287161215285289,0.2089165571447585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704615202630694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558067666423825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535751528786508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,noyeurs,2019/01/22,"I made an appointment with a new therapist for the 4th time. I’m going to try again. today, i (18F) called a therapist and made an intake appointment. ive been through 3 different therapists since i was 13. but something is wrong with me & has been for awhile. i can’t control myself anymore. i’ve been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. and i don’t want to self-diagnose but i relate to a lot of what i’ve read about borderline personality disorder and i need to take to someone for answers. i need to know what’s wrong with me if i want to know how to get better. the important part is i’m trying to get better. 

i want to talk to someone who can prescribe me medication that might work. i want to try it this time. i have always incredibly against prescription medication for my mental illnesses because “i don’t want to depend on pills to be happy, i want to be happy because i’m happy”. and you know i feel like i’ve gotten so far, i didn’t think i’d live to see high school. now i’m 18, living with my boyfriend in a huge town and i dropped out but i have a fucking career worthy job right? but i also need help now.  idk my boyfriend works all the time and he got a DUI right out of high school so i have to drive him everywhere. so i don’t work a lot because i have to be available to pick him up or take him somewhere. so i’m alone at home all the time and tbh i just need constant validation. and when i don’t i get so hurt and feel like the world is attacking me and so i get angry and i attack back and i’m hurting all the people i need in my life. it’s ruining my relationships, it ruined my schooling, all my motivation for life, i’m useless. i constantly feel like a weapon. i latch on so hard and i love so hard yet i always hurt them. i let it consume me and it hurts me too. idk why i do this. i feel like i do this cuz it’s my way of reminding myself i’m alive and i’m real and my boyfriend is real and my family is real and all if it’s real because when it hurts you know it’s alive. it’s selfish i know. i don’t know why i do it but i realize i do it? 

let me know what u think",-0.2962297702297718,1.8418662021978065,2.444715284715284,92.26983016983013,89.17582417582419,5.858541458541459,20.140859140859142,7.277327726719843,0.5785516483516484,1642,54,376,29,55,571,186,455,0.18600000000000005,0.664,0.149,-0.9732,2,1,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,2,1,7,20,26,4,0,16,0,33,9,0,8,5,81,80,40,0,13,9,0,6,4,0,1,7,0,1,1,20,26,0,1,16,1,0,2,7,16,0,0,9,7,67,10,43,65,8,35,0,9,1,2,14,16,1,7,19,233,87,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443042223634284,0.0,0.04974902403954561,0.10352680258528728,0.06740411543624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475902018445066,0.0,0.061695243435752535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415448853736673,0.0,0.04783537069509167,0.0,0.15168966863449868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003873659965484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352299458414606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344530339138227,0.06977339741673297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053581068982879385,0.1262829436133427,0.0,0.06499582976573577,0.07129763331469145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058645709019431336,0.0,0.1258202461408795,0.17777030771958086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575118067499187,0.1300078703916703,0.0,0.035355170191138964,0.0,0.04975472947373892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986699453367418,0.11145523063422426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041697808195936964,0.1314557935615108,0.062401337931885986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329835139980516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617334653777621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932152607700954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722713683352874,0.08788101239922383,0.12156994475906704,0.0,0.10986449798115742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577681706775598,0.056146626000357434,0.1177285249327716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533932849566065,0.0626926819892123,0.06599459369272141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306382870025757,0.0,0.060082454833533624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736697432392609,0.0,0.04312832920414729,0.05431905527942276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222647156907276,0.2832327442127716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678986857131397,0.0,0.10625337976708046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887842083888487,0.049573026187199394,0.0,0.06489821855610227,0.07027918226729085,0.0,0.05146045438275794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542004669408248,0.047892017664074485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354780951419657,0.05000174956681718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669054924966247,0.0,0.07972284663881113,0.0,0.0,0.1450997578806417,0.0,0.058967461664560426,0.0,0.0,0.12670877943236636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015713333541248,0.04937911403815416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226904216792023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358680694187808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603294392468873,0.0,0.0
bpd,athrowawayhandle,2019/01/22,"Struggling today because I've convinced myself that my boyfriend doesn't love me. I offered to take him to pick up his car at the shop yesterday and because he lives over 30 minutes away, I assumed I was going to stay the night, as I often do. I had the feeling that he was falling out of love with me all day, but on the way to the auto shop he said ""The shop is closer to your house so you shouldn't have a long drive back home!"" I shut down. I felt so upset that he didn't want me to sleep over (even though we hadn't discussed it at all) and embarrassed because I had packed an overnight bag before picking him up.
Then he made a comment about how the auto shop was located in a town halfway between our homes so it would be a nice place to meet for dinner, and I got so upset thinking about us going to dinner and then me just going home afterward. 
This all only caught me off guard because I stay over at his house probably 5 out of 7 nights every week. 
I KNOW that I'm being irrational but I can't stop sending myself into hysterics. Every day that we spend apart I feel out of control of our relationship, like every minute we spend apart is a minute he can fall out of love with me or think about things that he doesn't like about me.
Does anyone else feel like this? None of my friends have BPD so they never understand what I go through and it's hard to talk to them.",5.968,4.985404536842103,6.145614035087721,84.84263157894739,66.78947368421052,8.863157894736842,30.2280701754386,7.554174236665415,1.6842912280701752,1083,32,234,9,15,346,157,285,0.13,0.8059999999999999,0.065,-0.958,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,6,2,2,1,15,13,0,4,13,0,20,6,1,5,4,43,42,18,0,3,4,0,5,3,1,2,0,1,3,0,13,15,2,3,9,4,6,10,8,4,0,0,12,6,39,9,44,26,4,51,0,0,0,3,33,24,0,3,17,155,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531144911345604,0.11035885803887456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119455470939058,0.08282026602234657,0.0,0.2626294837188301,0.0,0.0916509800540538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356535750191894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080289650456655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138924597364284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942553848501553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899756292085718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113965643713495,0.0,0.2722441391751028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338014274216753,0.07694611728869076,0.10341589963075702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321439350101313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448501648840295,0.0,0.08614336778428615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096484585742487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241176141778767,0.0,0.0,0.2485595283746224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919311578906509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786104015131566,0.0,0.09510751998985402,0.0953175719513403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916301327262805,0.10191525237151633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307051040373649,0.0,0.0,0.20215201121657245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191625581641533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253120511708983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612668738460133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563733284168685,0.0,0.0,0.10245430788601112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778508583130897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296033037083236,0.0,0.090048126371691,0.0,0.11259905666991868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809824859428605,0.08657104858876888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715559447998366,0.13802897878164802,0.10582187628100748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209392737542912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212709874586717,0.12955862134059626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635285566747195,0.08549304209755698,0.08639629998312501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651217629069602,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,takethisedandshoveit,2019/01/22,"I finally talked back to my friends who were trying to use me as a scapegoat! I need to thank my therapist for this one because I feel SO RELIEVED. I'm always someone else's punching bag because I'm a people-pleaser. But not anymore. Not today, bitch. I just wanted to share my feelings with someone who'd understand. ",2.9565053763440865,5.329496370967746,4.2367741935483885,83.09182795698926,77.2258064516129,6.068817204301076,32.913978494623656,7.1686216300943375,2.3970881720430106,253,14,44,3,6,83,46,62,0.043,0.7120000000000001,0.24600000000000002,0.9157,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,11,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,8,4,7,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922359078875514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291202053583151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764821640527248,0.0,0.2816681326856586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929963620804129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336319546583246,0.0,0.0,0.2530826522179168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849361387842874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130621013449807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655226580344936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25360214405846515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915028355886854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856935882091873,0.0,0.2127018714933112,0.0,0.2682442512497786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898992813136736,0.0,0.0,0.15685456418520474,0.0,0.0,0.24051092878072344,0.0,0.1995361996963723,0.0,0.0,0.13626779200419462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeesandBorderline,2019/01/22,"Should I be a mother? Hello everyone! I've been mulling something over in my head for a while and I [22F] wanted to see if some of you had an opinion or anything to consider regarding this.
I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I just always knew it was what I was going to do, but since I've been diagnosed with bpd and come to learn more about it I'm not so sure. I've heard mothers with bpd can have a high tendency to abuse their children and that scares me. Though I'm doing much better now, I have been emotionally abusive in the past and my biggest fear is that I'd end up hurting my children somehow. I don't know if I want to risk hurting any potential children to fulfill my wish to have them. I've been going through rigorous therapy and medication modification. I'm actually proud of how far I've come, but I can't know what will happen in the future. 
Are there any mothers with bpd or children of parents with bpd that'd be willing to give me some insight?

Thank you everyone! ",4.1430020703933765,4.89378068115942,5.567732919254659,81.4796739130435,70.69082125603866,8.61959972394755,31.210835058661146,8.841846274778883,2.4612777087646656,799,34,163,14,14,270,116,207,0.16699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.084,-0.9598,1,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,0,2,2,2,8,9,0,3,7,0,25,3,1,1,1,36,44,17,0,7,8,5,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,8,11,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,9,2,19,4,28,28,4,18,0,2,1,0,16,8,0,8,6,110,27,1,0.0,0.2736000643819117,0.11267132652164095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960711352516949,0.0,0.0,0.15703215528585493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950129173014468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211410072364628,0.0,0.0,0.5816662627009093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891540603171512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718845219685912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987583197222385,0.10226240184989416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065204023520835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992347184051328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075879126003406,0.1312360182081896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210001029084567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849424148516542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198877012996415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720248987531454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690649116242295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217757961560953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631279320486335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487564813712019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820355321172416,0.0,0.11021867769123322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307925369229996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559459860790043,0.0,0.09200587258053837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550887595599733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888597718820572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881873886072208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629913260781494,0.1320374261359344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343787894949395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204302124716616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277214919379526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hukino19,2019/01/22,"My Life With Borderline First of all sorry for my grammer since i'm from switzerland and english isn't my first tounge.

And sorry for my rude Language but i'm a bit pissed

​

My Name is Adrian i'm 18 years old and as you probably can think I have also Borderline.

My Life At the time is pretty much a mess since I live with my Mother which dosen't care a fucking bit about how she treats me and because of that we are always argueing which dosen't help a bit. I was in a  
Psychiatric clinic for about 3 months to treat my    
Major depression after alot of shit went down  and there I got my diagnose.

I know that sometimes I do not act how you should i certian situations But most of the time i Realise that instantly after something happend which makes me a pretty selfe reflected Person. But there are also those moments where I Think i'm in the right even though i know subconsciously i'm not. 

But I see that and I work as Hard on myselfe as I can.

Which my Mother doesn't seem to.

I feel like nothing has changed since I went to the Psych. Clinic and Live right now is Hell 

​

The Only positiv thing right now is that I probably soon can start work somwhere but I feel like not even doing that anymore since I just don't feel like Anyone Wants me... Because Apperently i'm not even Welcome at home.

​

Today I Nearly Hit Her And just seeing how that could end for me and Her makes me feel like shit Since I don't want to be like that... I am Not like that but i think the longer the two of us don't seem to find a solution the probability goes up that something like that could happen and I could never forgive myselfe that if that would happen.

The fact that i only act against my mother in thath way is alos very how should i say... Interessting, to other persons I never would act like that even though i can be Passiv aggresiv which some ppl told me   


She just dosen't understand that what she does to me is Negativly impacting me and I have the feeling my Outbreaks are becoming even more frequent as they where before.

I feel more empty than ever.

​

Im Fucking exhausted and Don't wanna deal with that crap anymore 

I can't even smoke weed which usually calms me down because i just get paranoid about everything...

​

Just ask questions if you have any I'm willing to answer most stuff about me and my life 

​

​

​

​

​",5.728798862828711,6.452873240938168,5.628108742004264,82.55650568585645,67.12366737739872,8.385529495380242,30.771926083866386,8.344100000000001,2.1610468514570007,1926,71,369,25,30,601,205,469,0.126,0.7809999999999999,0.094,-0.9406,1,0,3,0,0,0,66.0,2,3,1,4,31,27,9,0,18,0,38,13,4,6,6,81,78,33,0,12,18,3,7,8,0,5,7,1,1,3,28,17,0,0,19,0,0,5,14,12,0,3,5,10,67,15,44,62,12,42,1,1,2,2,27,15,7,9,29,260,95,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395310371776611,0.033271307684562004,0.433244919746722,0.4858700521515471,0.02719164888182907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931014484230167,0.027958932915941655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03738123418321662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312473936713032,0.04416106691634608,0.03402488775845048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096209283736032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0407680886266126,0.0,0.04229957135131338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577598938820614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122350353191157,0.03443962698893343,0.04058464636547009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03499175773422882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03541546404751291,0.0,0.0,0.15846107640228235,0.036169357154097234,0.0,0.0,0.03593657113207848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130783578055128,0.11426317547950625,0.0,0.0,0.03654620770128702,0.06802363627377335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393227531760171,0.020890879217739137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031980219068760675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071844936741792,0.0,0.035819335465616865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02680157353678441,0.0,0.04010891986255865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319142030270425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439501927771654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472925262296037,0.15627995596374966,0.0,0.07061621579454648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338153385246324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031916206265685185,0.0,0.029394092166168367,0.0,0.06167887764773139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03836735998839113,0.0,0.04195826847568511,0.0,0.0,0.06082185718259035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982794624020372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081359669164955,0.12933405082056065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044793137980423975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244271442198156,0.0,0.0317982355525618,0.0,0.0,0.06372685588431606,0.07280296363266796,0.04171380828614313,0.0,0.08208949805378338,0.16538293162735326,0.04494560496784752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061565894649289625,0.039546882224139344,0.08952144058712694,0.028302086049004208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045774062889995984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026564724008716487,0.07686367086891926,0.07857149941498431,0.0,0.04663196939193756,0.0,0.03790177058357299,0.038208052307586594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03906022121231388,0.04162652649495676,0.04809787682197727,0.0,0.04403860218838266,0.032992392220612725,0.047169206680361835,0.03173878947919876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413429367147742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822013532409455,0.0,0.0,0.05680939164884712,0.0,0.4858700521515471,0.025749481440187332
bpd,niki-cole,2019/01/22,"Having an identity crisis Does anyone else feel like no one listens to them?   Sometimes my comments get looked over on my family group texts. Not so much a big deal as it just hurts my feelings. I made a joke and no one acknowledged it, but I’ll move on. 

But lately, as of a few months now, I’ve been trying to focus on my career and my children. I moved 30 miles away from home and decided that any guy I had a history with just needed to stay there. If it hasn’t worked out yet, it’s not going to now. I firmly believe that. I wanted to embrace my new job, new community. 

There was one guy who kept insisting we could finally be a couple bc our kids are older. I’m not interested especially for the fact that the kind of person he was when we first met is no one near who he is now. I feel like I stated over and over that I was ok with us being friends but didn’t want to be romantic. He agreed and yet as soon as he came out for an evening, he tried to make his move. I even crawled into bed fully dressed and he still tried. So later I went bitch mode on his and haven’t heard from him since. 

Another old friend from 20 years back made an effort to reconnect. Asked if my kids and I would like to go to dinner with him and his daughter. Sounds fun, but once at dinner, sitting around a hibachi he tells the other people there that he’s been waiting 20 years to take me on a date. He’s got his hands on my leg and I felt very awkward about the whole thing. Again, someone that I don’t believe there’s a chance with bc if there was, it would already have happened. 

Yet another guy who’s been a friend for about a decade is convinced that we are meant to be together. But I’m not interested. We have complementing jobs and I’ve brought him in to work my events when I have the chance to pay him. It’s not what he normally makes but he says he’s grateful for the opportunity and the chance to work with me again. Once again, we were hanging out as friends and he tried to make it more. I had to be a bitch to him to get him to back off. 

Then there’s my FWB who is still married but separated. I refused to commit to him until the divorce was finalized. I maintained my independence as a strong single woman and could go on a date with another person if I wanted to. As far as I knew, the wife knew about me. She didn’t live in his house and it’s been going on four years now. There were multiples times where I got frustrated with the situation and tried to end things with him, but he wouldn’t give up. Even after I moved, he insisted we were still good and he’d come visit often. I quit caring though. I let him make the effort. Over the weekend I was in town and he kept begging me to come over. So I did. Not ten minutes in the door he was snuggling me on the couch and the back door flew open with this other girl, not his wife. I’m like oh gawd this is bad. I didn’t even look at him. I grabbed my stuff and bailed. I’m in total disbelief. What a sociopath but also how could I have been so naive. But also, why wouldn’t he just let me dump him. So I feel like maybe I’m not really expressing my feelings properly. Maybe they just don’t want to hear it and tell themselves they can change my mind by putting in the time and effort.

I’m so over dating right now. I don’t even want a man to touch me now. I’m paranoid that every man who talks to me is trying to get me in bed. I’m in total antitrust mode. It’s too easy for guys to lie and cover up other relationships. It hurts that I can be so vulnerable and be taken advantage of. I just feel lost and ignored and abused all over again. ",2.1963182969876764,3.5634743619550875,3.5594793945037573,91.64614981484293,76.18626155878468,6.760499815925678,22.05316499556056,7.394104333785973,0.5465163999393634,2800,73,642,34,61,918,309,757,0.08900000000000001,0.785,0.126,0.9825,2,0,0,0,2,0,69.0,8,0,3,12,57,31,4,1,34,1,58,4,2,8,5,123,119,63,0,18,27,3,10,5,4,4,0,5,6,13,35,50,2,5,12,2,1,17,21,10,0,7,39,17,85,21,100,63,8,109,0,3,2,0,91,43,2,5,51,431,120,7,0.0,0.07206393882980651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711841668081474,0.09727841246932346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04136093921760303,0.1913310180426053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042528047120308235,0.06231916621004303,0.0,0.0541443356523857,0.05686021328277044,0.0,0.05714412405630686,0.1403047299199626,0.05078369875276462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705077935316562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956398578571911,0.06201192296322978,0.0,0.06434144568413723,0.10478526520056868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568387863520108,0.06729821293027352,0.0,0.0,0.06270464992137494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053225605076479485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080884571610027,0.0,0.05387010041937019,0.0,0.0,0.20086126987964534,0.0,0.051245026333354926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733742100159873,0.0,0.18452010924910306,0.13035341134579995,0.058398507853171674,0.1332547131080522,0.0,0.0517350289698692,0.0,0.0,0.18796322150527564,0.0,0.09533070862480253,0.058345854386093424,0.13826582109602162,0.051014476615165186,0.09728956878025596,0.0,0.0,0.2408927496584431,0.05378455529784995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855063796793978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100926809288106,0.0,0.0,0.07018024124720261,0.13022208272644165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207125893244657,0.0,0.0,0.06333659043837353,0.0,0.0,0.06860968862748194,0.0,0.0,0.12438891147236372,0.0,0.14857240240462774,0.0,0.053706802076412166,0.0,0.10215006025484198,0.0,0.06639422692148733,0.0,0.0,0.115102197770871,0.1623962111756743,0.0,0.12220743351892632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141272352847894,0.0,0.04854741516957575,0.25857597633437895,0.044711053188611634,0.04509862624927123,0.0,0.11748423082269907,0.0,0.0,0.05959249288336471,0.0,0.0,0.06382229336810802,0.12954655653342415,0.16485782082046094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216620806569826,0.10621457538976743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114275177567745,0.0,0.06469151722045971,0.0,0.0,0.03896403034800179,0.0,0.0,0.06529989792852557,0.0,0.05194152198355432,0.0,0.048367971123495335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031245741952101,0.06836630037598851,0.0,0.0,0.051534150582986805,0.0,0.06015435838506264,0.0,0.0,0.06482799251662105,0.1457172082439065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696264592545927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04573045690449105,0.04888629387666159,0.10632194401755776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081466040047032,0.0,0.0597571523827447,0.0,0.07093141206695798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477642355216512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316118887733088,0.0,0.0,0.05018439062707886,0.17937149553964152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638245822847018,0.054882253483331686,0.06790541614149959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283707925430446,0.0,0.0,0.08641218504947526,0.0,0.0,0.11750181918288427
bpd,Throwthisaway512,2019/01/22,"How do I make amends and stop being abusive? 
  To start off this past year was extremely challenging. I had to accept that I had BPD and was misdiagnosed earlier in life. The resources I find here have definitely helped so thank y'all for that. 

  I realize that BPD has basically changed my identity if I ever had one. My symptoms constantly controlled my life in negative ways and still do. I lost the love of my life this year because of my behavior. I just could not control it in a healthy manner. I know I can never get him back. It hurts to admit this but he deserves someone better. Someone who doesn't feel like a monster. I never hit him but I emotionally abused him. I never meant to but I'm really trying to own my shit. 

  My question is how do we get better? As soon as I can afford it I will go into DBT. I truly want to change. I've read ""The Dummies Guide To BPD"" and have started ""I Hate You Don't Leave Me.""

  During our last year of dating I experienced a sexual assault and suicide attempt. I know the stress of that did not help my illness and looking back now I think that time really sealed my fate as far as the breakup went. Never got any justice btw. Let go of quite a bit in my life and now stay to myself.

  Should I take a anger class? Do those actually help people like us? I don't want to be a monster anymore. Looking at suggestions on YouTube is hard. I see titles like ""How to Get Revenge on a BPD ex"" and it kills me to think that I have left an emotional scar on him. 

  I'm comfortable with the idea of being forever single by choice, I feel that it's for the best. I gave up my dream of being a mom too. I just can't hurt any more people.  

  So sorry for the rambling but what would you recommend for someone who truly wants to change? I know I should not reach out, besides I've barley begun to fix my issues, I can't truly apologize in the way he deserves now without action. 

  I just don't see alot of people talking about this in a way that's accountable without demonizing us. Thanks. ",1.530514611712654,3.745846760391196,3.441108976597977,87.73616340668299,81.39608801955991,6.3402258702992205,23.430026778437533,7.536579438409214,1.137390452904878,1571,56,322,25,42,528,211,409,0.18100000000000002,0.685,0.134,-0.9787,1,0,0,1,1,1,42.0,4,3,0,9,19,21,5,1,20,0,34,8,1,6,5,59,70,22,2,8,13,2,3,3,0,4,6,0,0,0,21,12,0,3,14,2,1,4,16,9,0,1,11,8,57,12,48,48,6,48,1,3,4,1,27,16,1,3,27,224,78,3,0.0,0.1766029337343421,0.07272690836682891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136086545432188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391005373983939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461223335381232,0.0,0.04543053457690548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821074331215548,0.13182489415110155,0.0813634063984916,0.0,0.3754530127006154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23651679854808935,0.0,0.0,0.08053644340024049,0.16717514237713302,0.05950317820201464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766409027935575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741329589828016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536546284574032,0.05324159637438077,0.0,0.0,0.06811567878385091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681073149411612,0.0,0.0847100159846018,0.0,0.05960548211540353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676091726860718,0.07357928202144755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498602034598305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956386939103656,0.08413110989235892,0.0,0.07778608408658542,0.0,0.0,0.0824522977529837,0.0,0.122873099645533,0.060748873135679164,0.0,0.07891258022585712,0.08097303200503418,0.07620818070297733,0.2105604901584387,0.10922934228692477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251666271305958,0.0,0.08135424907213458,0.0,0.06726288630854585,0.0,0.049746877194533086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728428996834768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22991707659196384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505009427716395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711437765066496,0.15500143698310362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348650079739528,0.07926788289938365,0.07454645774272982,0.0,0.09548689929122946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877560815066365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650016558027373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943765068039495,0.0,0.0,0.08342607995255265,0.10550018310977796,0.07943510896331887,0.05951679135993425,0.06230731539790708,0.08536961324834957,0.0,0.0,0.08151966501176547,0.0,0.0,0.0774613507819531,0.05603449507123411,0.05990140879204023,0.0,0.1372275895794496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955068746183582,0.0,0.0,0.043456878947904176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050598458787767656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929190106779014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318726100252306,0.17746649995730493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908661735669219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368136791617694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294133806012627,0.0,0.0,0.14397746170818956
bpd,aampersand,2019/01/22,"""I don't understand what you'd be burned out by. Sounds a bit like an excuse to rationalize your feelings"" Well thanks, now I have something to ruminate about/blame myself for for the next 36 hours",4.487017543859646,6.31115963157895,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,71.10526315789474,8.224561403508767,25.824561403508767,8.841846274778883,1.809445614035088,158,5,31,3,3,49,35,38,0.0,0.767,0.233,0.7783,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40915904179677975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894983379352809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369079512923988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830969433085714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985792251586573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28852137954165313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450439918002885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901557158640487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369692224031693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beautiful18angel,2019/01/22,I don’t understand why I get the urge to cut. I don’t understand why I have the urge to cut... to end it all... I just came out of the hospital and I’m already struggling so much... I want this all to end... ,-1.266521739130436,0.41226017391304737,1.8501739130434809,98.18395652173916,88.56521739130434,6.288695652173913,20.069565217391304,7.554174236665415,0.4204139130434781,152,5,41,3,5,54,27,46,0.121,0.84,0.039,-0.5141,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,9,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,6,8,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802066418526068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904164283790464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497948754231905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326625341209355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666015509950604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654519443300009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528678609829315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976838517589622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582459690311405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tantan545,2019/01/22,"Bro Bro i'm fuckin way too clingy towards this particular person, just now they went to get a shower and my heart breaks, i'm literally crying wtf is wrong with meee aaaaaaaaaaaa ",2.906764705882356,5.79417467647059,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,81.64705882352942,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.5173764705882355,145,4,28,2,4,44,31,34,0.263,0.737,0.0,-0.875,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365613865065895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076422905541756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709599085526043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34702308483258953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154637427266129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36842428664970783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43453049391938736,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tom921992,2019/01/22,"in the murky bog of neurosis please take a little time to read and digest this. 

* feeling like no one on the planet gives a dam about me
* feeling unloved,unwanted,unaccepted
* feeling like nothing or no one can fill this void,this emptiness. Feeling like nothing can alter my mindset.
* emotionally numb. I can’t feel love or recognise love or friendship even if it hit me in the face
* I can’t see a way out 

",2.2264102564102544,4.907744717948724,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,82.58974358974359,5.51794871794872,27.89743589743589,6.937597516519254,1.5452205128205128,320,15,60,4,9,102,55,78,0.10800000000000001,0.588,0.305,0.9411,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,4,5,1,0,0,11,15,5,0,1,4,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,5,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,6,5,5,7,14,0,8,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,4,4,35,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566994331817545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076383307535765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622459837943013,0.3918619457598793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539640728009095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679785826458453,0.18325331543070406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300397596514764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350879059694194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477936932124672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007029778851742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288908153167974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569949090008968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747262643970354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661524259736804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451295660121366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cardiovascularwhore,2019/01/22,"Does it ever really get better? I tried to kill myself last night. I’ve been in psychotherapy for two years, dbt for a year and every time I feel like I’m starting to get better I just crash again and I’m so sick of it, nothing’s working and I don’t know what to do anymore",-0.2667857142857137,1.8168127500000042,2.3061904761904763,93.79500000000004,88.16666666666666,4.761904761904762,16.9047619047619,6.1826913282559595,-0.3865238095238097,215,5,49,2,7,74,44,60,0.18,0.682,0.13699999999999998,-0.5838,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,10,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,5,3,7,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380916626605555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246568178527712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009281460583729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171631989654187,0.20227504791077328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139003726939808,0.17151090497239935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508604253482287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26560939505323833,0.0,0.1319399238694363,0.1956946244490775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728939163430135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22529580183794934,0.0,0.230360152530192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379933760145068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992758587361484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399907054480716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299637967043612,0.0,0.2345201368833868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477876061377176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092031598697252
bpd,youreyesmystars,2019/01/22,"GUYS! Today I Have My Very First DBT Session, Ever!! So, this place is a specialized DBT only center. The sessions are hours long, and there are many parts of it that I seriously am dreading to do (there's a group part, OMG) and insurance doesn't cover places like this. BUT, I need this. My BPD has completely taken over my life, and I'm doing horrible. I want to die everyday. I won't go all into how I feel, but I feel like most of you guys do. I've been saving money, plus my mom is helping a little as my birthday and Christmas Present. If I don't do this, I will die.

​

I'm TRYING to be hopeful, and I think this is my last chance. I have been in therapy for almost 10 years, I take medicine, have done small outpatient programs, etc. Nothing has worked. Mine stems from trauma, I was horrifically abused growing up. Again, I'm HOPING that this will give me a fresh start. I'll be able to actually know what it's like to not have depression in my head. can you even imagine?? No FPs, healthy relationships, and actually making good decisions. it's hard to believe, but i'M HOPING THIS CAN DO IT FOR ME. it's a very extensive, every week for at least 6 months, type program. I have to say that I definitely am lucky to be given this opportunity. Thank you guys for listening to my rant! ",1.9516547406082336,4.212763360465122,3.6474418604651184,86.58633273703043,80.12403100775194,6.759928443649375,23.48896839594514,7.882392219407189,1.2700299344066792,1009,35,207,18,26,336,156,258,0.14300000000000002,0.674,0.183,0.9414,0,0,0,0,1,1,50.0,0,3,0,3,7,16,0,1,6,0,33,2,1,2,2,32,55,14,2,6,5,1,3,3,0,3,1,2,0,3,17,8,0,0,6,0,1,2,5,4,0,1,6,5,29,12,24,43,6,26,0,1,0,0,13,11,0,7,16,135,46,6,0.11096804286363718,0.1314789851647584,0.21657760500456755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111846562735136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023382808079228,0.13483831813687802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502298429697015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397603653662542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634788168715787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557661271538463,0.0,0.23033461779582395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355883513107345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375870087034835,0.07329334574689478,0.10037694781050928,0.09349536212505853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221755337695556,0.07927559199424578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943893605717588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645065823242797,0.06306569601895633,0.0930747295108852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32962742641754106,0.0,0.0,0.0994055700609006,0.0,0.11388522625923295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437954002554302,0.0,0.0,0.33064891497690124,0.10928116941066136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098513429282242,0.09045376564125067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838001038949373,0.16264014159246326,0.1112191313002308,0.0,0.09820322597365448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407203029245238,0.11250417834069368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996443063769136,0.08857363311687239,0.0,0.0,0.08228139771242136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647682995232606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439619700931761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403351533289673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187597289705916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913814940481378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824624161627412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854375188826454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343415809012537,0.0,0.0,0.10216446484208924,0.12690162797539986,0.0,0.0,0.07110384117383267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518472948204544,0.0,0.0,0.07534001697076989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312051375218613,0.06545182676382548,0.0,0.08901187049604825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078605682773972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483831813687802,0.0714597813739848
bpd,iwannabeunknown3,2019/01/22,"Is it acceptable to start counseling by asking the therapist to evaluate me for BPD? I really try to avoid self diagnosis of mental issues because I know that I don't have the training, perspective, or framework to do so. However, I came across a Pinterest pin of all things discussing BPD and it resonated with a lot of what I have experienced in life. I have been edging toward seeing a counselor again (saw one briefly for a few months following the passing of my father), and I think that this maybe gives me a reason to do so.

My question: would it be acceptable for me to lead with the idea that I would like him/her to evaluate me for BPD? I don't want to come off as a Google doc, but I also wouldn't want to spin our tires if I can maybe point in a helpful direction. ",10.053182795698923,6.231875232258068,10.015322580645165,69.26965053763443,61.193548387096776,14.204301075268814,40.67204301075269,12.161744961471696,4.646591397849463,611,23,123,15,6,204,95,155,0.03,0.905,0.065,0.7126,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,11,0,14,2,0,2,1,25,26,9,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,7,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,3,3,18,3,26,19,3,14,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,4,4,91,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182748712276592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241879006174976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286599842409092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756065696313646,0.0,0.0,0.17423815556592226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122876106662965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613990182313275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211133362133937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197507340476034,0.0,0.15900500466206688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372293498424484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760334612686667,0.074426389087943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951534294387046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060951377681711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352445711620802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215975764053542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323058083120687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401201136043115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065740748349076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759390156514262,0.15663249179853925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139649623391352,0.0,0.15892546714382166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782813728318334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768802879922081,0.10120896043995106,0.09761431766540354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750942080281067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342991641650028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179709993272664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164381406755543,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lifesucksrightnow19,2019/01/22,"Difference between BPD and an Abandonment/Attachment Disorder? Hello!

I’m wondering what the difference between BPD and an abandonment/attachment disorder is. I know there are other things involved in BPD, but I’m curious as to how much they play a role according to people who would actually know, and not an article just outlining the definition ",7.301525423728813,10.194127966101698,8.412000000000003,55.76986440677968,65.94915254237287,14.889491525423727,42.30847457627119,13.023866798666859,7.868298983050848,286,18,38,15,5,97,42,59,0.063,0.83,0.107,0.5635,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,30,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.18058979259813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6992217517891129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38669218687764506,0.4241847183893149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340593854618788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360388323001627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829583064360411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229442302246467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006873730834821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145980593486015,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Beam_me_down_not_up,2019/01/22,"Full moon and stuff Newb here!  Thought I’d share my insights.  I find it fascinating that I can usually notice when there is a full moon-  I have been experiencing strong emotions the past few days- and heavy insomnia last night.  Extreme emotions today- like waves that go through my body that bring you to tears.  

I also find it fascinating that it seems like more people are posting today about their BPD- heck someone put a meme on reddit, not even considering they might have BPD ( I think) and they are talking about splitting FP- and it’s on the front page as of now.  Interesting. 

Anyways, I hope those that read this are trying to  take care and trying to be kind to yourselves.  Eat the good foods. Try and do the fun things.  For me I feel better when I create a distraction for myself.  It slows the ruminating.   Doesn’t always work but trying something is better than nothing when your feeling misery.  Today was difficult but we made it.  When I read what people are experiencing here it makes me feel like I am not alone, it also helps me through.  :) 
",4.375640489698416,6.627883954314723,4.443117348462226,83.84756046581072,72.4010152284264,6.868796655718128,25.293819050462822,7.724431198458867,1.3477813675724106,837,27,155,11,17,259,128,197,0.061,0.733,0.20600000000000002,0.9757,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,3,4,14,15,0,1,8,0,16,4,1,2,0,24,29,15,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,18,7,2,0,9,2,0,4,3,2,0,0,4,5,22,13,15,23,5,23,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,3,17,105,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984772653026345,0.0,0.18507739733159295,0.09628566362083757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468424626111356,0.0,0.1285352998623584,0.2914825663466979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798100949870105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462777549853543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184071949804919,0.0,0.2603316935308797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642986786151855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552970236811008,0.08266811889973742,0.0,0.0,0.21152615308692274,0.0,0.13992523734195034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576453515942464,0.09705777796431024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756254483707523,0.0,0.0,0.11493291158840625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050126041980574,0.0,0.09432465232807924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960017862763865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949405243068128,0.07724187550445379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275725880467345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108592396133345,0.0,0.11103340911291998,0.13174436585132268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104647977470878,0.1604469449293868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082472590063178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632736469566192,0.0,0.0,0.23149626802683995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534424636077268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804648556123713,0.0890844609854033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246807320501744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700464705195286,0.09300879615745278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687711298677005,0.0741466654303017,0.0,0.0918662289084025,0.0,0.0,0.3290580431322269,0.0,0.0,0.314256498080767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744572821855155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424322270291325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hlh001,2019/01/22,Counseling vs. DBT Workbook I’m having trouble finding a counselor I can afford (super broke right now). Do any of y’all use a workbook? Are they actually helpful for you? Or should I just try harder to find a counselor? ,2.395,5.176279928571429,3.9812380952380977,81.48042857142859,83.04761904761905,5.2647619047619045,29.82857142857143,6.742157984588678,1.972337142857142,175,9,29,2,5,58,36,42,0.14800000000000002,0.784,0.069,-0.5007,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.3651622286509549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544667466173472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6840184363488874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25081631686884137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195621367293135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25405515499228914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231860061182449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bulimicomrade,2019/01/22,"Advice for snapping out of the mindset that everyone dislikes you? Something as simple as having nobody respond to a question in a groupchat can lead me to spiral into thinking that everyone must hate me. I'm trying to be logical and remind myself that this couldn't possibly be true, but it's still a horrible feeling and I feel like it's impossible to completely logic it away. Could anyone share some good techniques for overcoming such feelings? ",8.068518518518516,9.0862178271605,8.063802469135805,66.10311111111109,62.086419753086425,10.430617283950617,39.65679012345679,10.355215969177356,4.687837530864197,368,19,52,8,5,119,63,81,0.121,0.742,0.13699999999999998,0.3387,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,2,18,13,5,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,4,13,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,42,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23650541323796245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692304979133458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273917854613381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537600931080298,0.0,0.0,0.193238399823047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625332258389066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671274850090547,0.1729037204110476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300027541708027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389509795540941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824188194670572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27284841963100165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27112497699102694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632375987495675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932826089717414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508075518835948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432004987137924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mommadontloveme,2019/01/22,"I'm exhausted of being me. My days are so full of me going back and fourth between being ok and terrible and I have no idea how I feel anymore. I don't even know who I am half the time. I just need to rest, but sleeping doesnt help because I'm not aware of it so it's like pressing pause. I just want to feel okay. Eh...probably in a few minutes I will feel better. ",-0.027870370370369102,1.6749971234567909,2.489614197530866,95.24701388888893,83.93827160493827,5.531481481481482,21.23611111111111,6.6274283507984215,0.2304925925925927,281,9,68,3,8,97,60,81,0.105,0.732,0.163,0.6839,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,2,8,2,1,1,0,15,17,7,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,4,10,4,7,14,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030647536720609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349810784297596,0.0,0.1862858038123492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27027093779674954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708130193805107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184037061907187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635488869983085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367474943460565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048316088212925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449757212386009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794515221647738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492966204141022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265923002980663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058122959959018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819292027660982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024584410878147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ObtuseSage,2019/01/22,"Choosing a career path seems impossible I'm a fairly intelligent person, and I pick up things pretty quickly. However, as you may suspect, I also drop them very quickly—or find a new interest that trumps the one I just obsessed over. Thin skin doesn't help, of course. 

How have you struggled with career choice or lack thereof?

When choosing careers, what has been the more challenging part? The emotional instability, the lack of a cohesive identity, or the proneness to impulsivity? 

Would love feedback from people on the other side of this who have made it out ok. However, I definitely welcome siblings in struggle to share their experiences.",7.4799107142857135,9.437625741071429,7.57,65.72500000000001,63.91071428571429,10.242857142857146,38.10714285714286,10.411451182825502,4.590353571428572,521,27,77,13,8,168,88,112,0.13699999999999998,0.648,0.215,0.8995,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,2,1,5,9,0,3,10,1,7,2,1,3,0,18,11,7,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,8,6,13,7,4,11,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,4,3,58,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910224232995162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686940257261051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336584578399752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832076167299236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010799250121446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558743645210734,0.2260224050451639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306999251073177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186294386194194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586704550321101,0.0,0.16560079552287751,0.20857007290369525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24301433799559616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174561941179945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994327934660458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869309414042346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970908789741437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968476943394126,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PyschoStick,2019/01/22,"I've Been Thinking About Death All Day.                         *TRIGGER WARNING* ⚠

Tomorrow is my court date... I've been punching myself, cutting, and isolating myself. I can't keep under control. Fuck. 

I do more harm in this world than good. Even if I died, my family would be much happier. I am fucking disgrace to humanity. I'll be remembered as, ""Mr. Self-Destruct."" 

I'm on the floor wishing for something to take me out of this world. I failed committing suicide four times in the past, but have nowhere to go for support.... :(",1.280133928571427,3.9550243645833376,2.694702380952382,87.95625000000004,91.8125,5.65952380952381,27.690476190476193,7.1686216300943375,1.8979726190476192,393,20,73,7,14,127,76,96,0.21600000000000005,0.7170000000000001,0.067,-0.9312,0,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,3,0,2,0,10,2,0,2,2,13,19,4,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,2,0,10,2,14,14,3,14,0,1,0,2,2,8,2,1,5,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549438289479963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659403794084694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359085013832541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013395313284195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142845577589468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42028282312150106,0.0,0.0,0.12918365444930166,0.19065410284986486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020406680906152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709660274380406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169899966049822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574942172903249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371304959077243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499182799426197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486366721408013,0.2579449865017682,0.0,0.0,0.17090637427902808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564897603694815,0.0,0.0,0.13254438375909774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613915246153365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147218112404094,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,opiumannie,2019/01/22,"Finally. For the first time, Ive fully acknowledged the traumatic events of my childhood due to the encouragement of my patient partner. Seven years ago I was inpatient at a hospital due to ED and attempted suicide. Since leaving the hospital I coped with various drugs and other harmful coping mechanisms. These past few months have been a struggle as I finally decided to face my fears, history, and the root of my problems. My relationships with everyone and myself have been incredibly rocky and painful because of it...but I am so so lucky to be surrounded by patient and supporting love. Maybe I’m just in a manic mood. Maybe Im just feeling good for the moment. The paranoia is still in the back of my mind. But for the moment at least, I can move forward. Im so damn proud of myself for coming to terms with my life. I just wanted to let the world know in some way that today, I am proud of myself. And I am hopeful. ",4.370072639225178,6.175631096045201,5.5407142857142855,77.85673728813559,71.37288135593221,9.124939467312348,31.286924939467312,9.606745405546679,3.1861738498789345,732,33,132,18,14,243,105,177,0.126,0.73,0.14400000000000002,0.5271,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,8,15,1,2,13,0,13,5,1,1,0,26,21,12,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,2,3,1,19,8,27,16,5,29,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,3,19,96,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946454345258885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097791841222535,0.0,0.09590758934959433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355268272652241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824541477678753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033662570061776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704124861017564,0.07955134062439329,0.0,0.0,0.3446970993699212,0.0,0.13382576875365446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196187740739307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626529998122438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33988921158571656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646506798906836,0.0,0.0,0.16659093733547567,0.0,0.16088172785130098,0.11112762160645248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419974767769479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161205099084103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885957930439934,0.0,0.12558019750709198,0.16721807981555728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674114024151135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019035469258246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054463206931415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891474140102705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301459267757307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564483421367806,0.0,0.0,0.16447664497275913,0.0,0.1720947074181984,0.1785374884557441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174104023573032,0.0,0.1491315037925107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279796981293124,0.12488211845275295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013160818063946
bpd,your-duchess,2019/01/22,"“CUT YOUR HAIR IT’S A GREAT IDEA” No. No it is *not*, brain, you dumb lying bitch!",-4.453333333333333,-5.073306333333331,-1.7304444444444442,113.881,140.11111111111111,1.4400000000000002,3.6,3.1291,-3.361413333333333,58,0,17,0,5,19,16,18,0.5660000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.152,-0.9041,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.577544049085189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703904243610151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840356454562907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KizTuz,2019/01/22,"[LONG] Moments of clarity I hurt people. A lot. 

I never, EVER, intend to, but it still keeps happening. I don't see people and think ”fuck yeah, I can't wait to ruin your life!"" 

I guess what I'm saying isn't that I don't necessarily deserve to feel the pain in my chest that I do, but that I don't deserve to be forgiven either.

Fuck, even when I hurt someone so badly, and then try to apologize months later, they still lash out at me like it was yesterday.

I'm fucked up. It doesn't excuse my actions but it's the only thing I can cling to instead of the so fucking comforting suicidal thoughts.

She hurt me. More than I can express. But I can't even tell her that because it makes me seem like a psychopath. Fuck, it's been so long and today I had almost convinced myself that hiring a private investigator wasn't a horrible idea just to make sure she's doing okay.

I think the worst part about all this is the moments of clarity I get. When I'm finally able to step outside my head and critically think about my actions. Because that's when I'm able to see my cancer. I can see why a normal person would be hurt.

And yet, despite that, even when I'm in the right, even when I have done nothing wrong and get PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED, I'm still the bad guy because of the person I am. 

That 'person' is a manager. I saw their SO drunkenly stumbling down the street. Someone that I actually cared about. And when I brought them home all I got in thanks was my door being ripped open and a fist thrown in my face. 

I should have pressed charges but I didn't. Because I had that moment of clarity. That stupid fucking moment where I can step outside of myself and examine the situation and make a decision. And like usual it was the wrong one. So six months later one of the only friends I have left  decided to take their side. And I was there for that friend. I was the person who drove 140 on the highway because I was a little late to see them after they were hospitalised for their eating disorder. 

That other person wasn't. and they're your boss. They didn't call you, they didn't text. Infact, when we all were ""friends” a few months earlier? They said they needed distance from you because you ""have too much on"" them. 

But that moment of clarity gave them a pass. It gave them a reason not to change. Gave them a reason to take the second important person from me.

There's more stories but I'm tired. 

I'm sick of being this way. Sick of being me. I just want to be 17 again. 10 years ago when my ex, the only person I ever actually loved, told me they loved me back. and now she lies to me. Pretends to have a ”live in boyfriend” who will have a problem with me if I ever try to contact her again. I just wish she wasn't right to do that to me. I wish I could be mad at her for feeling that way. But I can't because of those stupid,mother fucking, God damned moments of fucking clarity.

But on the other hand, it gives me a legitimate excuse to never talk to her again. And I honestly think that's the best thing for her.

I deserve to be alone. 

I don't mean to, but..

I hurt people. A lot.",1.9613984370730648,3.8901300966719496,3.5385094813924285,89.07047147385107,78.46117274167987,6.380250286900924,23.08216295972457,7.372421405659032,0.8754469971036669,2405,77,508,32,58,796,252,631,0.17300000000000001,0.659,0.168,-0.914,0,1,0,0,0,0,80.0,1,5,16,1,40,41,12,0,35,2,55,21,4,7,9,79,113,40,1,10,16,1,4,3,3,3,6,2,2,8,36,19,1,2,15,1,0,7,18,25,0,4,28,11,93,16,60,73,13,74,0,6,5,10,62,21,9,6,47,363,129,3,0.11432908571817965,0.0,0.11156869549205667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067291813343423,0.0,0.0572420322722706,0.05920522647791787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395600490199135,0.09546001104557922,0.2439288232135797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999066095858676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837138963817835,0.0,0.05828306126190996,0.0,0.060472506597029886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456412359517959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655155186202525,0.0,0.0,0.05849917445021245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584935984886187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102656570713996,0.15512580524366673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057808220943772685,0.0,0.0,0.06262096252135269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324955520304594,0.4227815898884546,0.059732228528753574,0.05483743840002424,0.0,0.0,0.04571970700478608,0.0,0.06297318874683512,0.056601884827124437,0.05055041646149118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058667312944440275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734069739959696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059791271792633,0.06453181079584107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050810472245246714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448409425728005,0.0,0.06210944307759611,0.0,0.04037700717775155,0.08378312444507745,0.05729388960906105,0.05047733864755116,0.101177643134074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719850023080112,0.1031864635661838,0.0,0.11447332874517745,0.0,0.0,0.06226894553353516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688457818572342,0.0,0.04202251643803312,0.042386784200722616,0.08817763907042582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056009114820234615,0.054850920609543316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747234734263324,0.13042863233188307,0.060827104002017136,0.0,0.0,0.061903629272359005,0.0,0.1188920889938906,0.3493971171974607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469874727600326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754934160062612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763641451981407,0.054376570807590806,0.04545953889829426,0.0,0.0,0.18221095816152375,0.05204045286883436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425534127407337,0.0,0.0,0.0968706633171073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695503330915834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252873170709689,0.0,0.05387690513011595,0.0,0.08596124402979706,0.045946694195738325,0.0499643300880629,0.05262943076610158,0.0,0.0,0.07595516439272414,0.1465149234441224,0.0,0.045382261688717083,0.0,0.06570223277255863,0.05418530255586301,0.05462317043452622,0.0,0.0776219444443569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629586678135039,0.0,0.033717128460526116,0.09074910666218823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158210855446909,0.0,0.1314728062634752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040608051116237776,0.12500090755227444,0.0,0.0368120913880958
bpd,PitifulDevelopment,2019/01/22,"For those who use The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook (McKay, Wood, Brantley)... I’ve gotten through the first chapter, and I’m a little confused about some of their healthy alternative suggestions. One of the things they consistently mention is that sex can be used as a healthy distraction. For example, on page 19, as a suggestion for distracting your thoughts, the book lists “Imagine sexual thoughts that make you excited. Create sexual fantasies involving you and someone you know or someone you would like to know. Try to think of as many details as possible.” 

Full disclosure, I’m a Catholic with BPD. I also recognize that every person’s journey towards healthiness looks a little bit different. But am I wrong in thinking that using sex as a distraction mechanism is harmful, full stop? Is this just me not being able to emotionally or physically connect to anyone healthily just yet? Can anyone explain why this may have been included so strongly? ",8.506727272727273,10.236182703030305,7.99575757575758,64.45363636363638,61.36363636363637,11.81818181818182,42.87878787878788,11.567385478589935,5.863606060606062,786,46,111,24,11,248,118,165,0.086,0.823,0.091,0.244,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,5,2,3,6,9,0,4,10,0,12,2,0,4,0,26,27,12,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,8,2,0,1,1,6,0,2,4,1,10,3,21,19,5,11,0,0,1,2,14,7,0,5,4,78,19,1,0.1591689743027835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728737124376946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258929539098976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377129553572365,0.0,0.2004677511602624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662977007571386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904367253238748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341067257516657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538904823043946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749502112970381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776192090889733,0.31905825488259143,0.0,0.0,0.1336618506837966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624652631444917,0.1613723573846466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078570163129985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898020892764976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943910294853607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697267108078076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307238963200516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202359382889235,0.0,0.10574479392925644,0.20397810354345866,0.0,0.25272477249890196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806528542571336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124126668221847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362524215802686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306907256372455,0.17402628663590242,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mizznicleo,2019/01/22,"Trying to conceive AND dealing with MH Anyone else in this boat? My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over two years and, after three specialists, multiple tests and procedures, we were told we will most likely be unable to conceive without IVF. 

We have another appointment to talk about IVF as an option even though I don't really want to do that. As someone who has a history of sexual trauma, I've been finding all of the invasive tests and ultrasounds to be overwhelming for me. Even the timing of sex has been too much at times. 

In addition to all of this, my husband's sister unexpectedly became pregnant with twins which was a blow. I'm happy for them and on the other hand I feel terrible everytime it's mentioned. As someone who's come from an extremely invalidating family, I'm not really able to talk about these experiences with anyone and, despite knowing the struggles, nobody checks in with me to see how I'm doing. It's been a very isolating experience for these two years. My husband has been understanding and patient. I just don't want to put it all on him.

I had talked with someone else who was diagnosed with BPD and trying to conceive. She has since had a baby through IVF. Once she got pregnant, she basically stopped talking to me. I understand that she's busy and at the same time I miss my friend and the support. 

Anyone else going through anything similar?",6.380997539700289,7.348736726235742,6.954556027734292,72.75668754193694,65.76806083650189,10.294699172444645,34.10176694251845,10.328600350310266,3.714990337732052,1121,49,193,27,17,368,142,263,0.048,0.893,0.059000000000000004,0.7178,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,3,0,1,0,8,9,0,2,12,0,23,3,1,1,3,40,39,16,0,2,3,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,14,22,0,1,5,0,1,3,4,5,0,3,12,3,23,4,44,24,6,18,0,2,1,1,24,8,0,2,8,143,37,2,0.11160359942142116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702610489045323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341074948851824,0.2287021526209021,0.09184025308088206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056082660207112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961366188435146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505841050587948,0.0,0.1132753041754303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796914599665199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474262497184689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833947057175365,0.10520994106852556,0.0,0.05643013318043125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200366800150112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622466406829175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342689745715159,0.0,0.08925959364014288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880410684460152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061334419555740614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452388136175258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204148684947618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885419103635594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121924425395266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299224712570194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893361937214576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923196507211741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836841028672035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933056063946871,0.0,0.11667231385459875,0.0,0.0,0.12664644206094025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588109829829128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964996978912203,0.0,0.19523086894500896,0.0,0.0,0.10664202191435042,0.0,0.2273145544634313,0.0,0.21804099999495954,0.23236656582005524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208465759713216,0.13165338897661816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758188725851728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373811791931487
bpd,scintillate__,2019/01/22,Feeling worse after therapy? Just had my first visit with a psychiatrist who I’m going to be doing weekly psychotherapy with. He seemed amazing and specialises in personality disorders but towards the end this huge panic kicked in and now I can’t stop worrying I said something wrong or something 🤔 I’ve always found it a little tricky doing therapy with (attractive) men but bar this he seems great and I’m confused. Thoughts? ,4.195699855699857,7.391176246753254,5.2167965367965365,72.89916305916306,78.74025974025976,8.097546897546897,29.334776334776336,8.841846274778883,3.261462914862916,349,16,53,9,9,114,60,77,0.23399999999999999,0.626,0.14,-0.8217,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,17,14,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,6,1,1,5,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,4,2,3,3,8,9,0,13,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,4,6,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099059282264427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174447519960247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713655683796189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782913945702153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457371669145546,0.0,0.21214048225199789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995896069962932,0.0,0.0,0.213312029883716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939174679688468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700671657148705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893899343208404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404348177068244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35227326757303923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979002199497131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175767565392174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44252175125671095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360125377111472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519772852001004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964880064359645,0.19717232301914306,0.0,0.21153965677442346,0.0,0.0
bpd,moistpotatochip,2019/01/22,"quick question !!! please answer this is gonna be a short post. i've been lurking through this subreddit for a while, and it's brought me a comforting sense of validation knowing that i'm not alone and that i'm not the only one struggling with my intense emotions on a daily basis. my question is: have any of you guys ever invalidated your own bpd? have you ever had a few good days ( which eventually turn out to be short-lived ) where the symptoms and "" ugly "" side of bpd don't show as blatantly  and thought that your secretly just being manipulative and doing it for attention and pity ? please let me know . i can't be the only one.",6.540348432055751,6.465004056910567,7.092125435540072,75.51219512195124,65.34146341463415,9.955400696864114,33.83159117305459,9.606745405546679,3.0355444831591183,501,20,96,9,7,165,84,123,0.079,0.805,0.11599999999999999,0.5684,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,5,4,0,1,8,0,14,1,0,1,3,23,22,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,4,0,9,2,11,12,2,12,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,5,68,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342367201865871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138690975355424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42178503046114935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798888920326737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835433738311572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029291879632954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044585358314635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657979758519849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404800715830294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122499344451989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269316368728961,0.2547006258397723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676110937794902,0.0,0.0,0.16036708807568126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751559326013783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505103179440756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404062342778642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293350831964926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213328554073066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spoopygorl,2019/01/22,I don’t know who needs to hear this but.. You are not alone and things will get better. Remember to find strength in adversity and to look inward with curiosity and love not judgement and control. You deserve peace and happiness. Allow yourself that peace <3,4.31468085106383,7.323287702127661,4.144085106382981,82.09400000000002,76.2340425531915,7.164255319148936,28.54893617021277,8.238735603445708,2.3224246808510642,210,9,36,4,5,64,38,47,0.044000000000000004,0.568,0.387,0.9672,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,15,9,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,4,5,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316314305301935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27011173693806073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34254507368385145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791406650087151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956495308953994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32511632218834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442210644209929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784622551476294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564688200862197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756458887263488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645882797923764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34597180092118185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029018930274662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,artemis123159,2019/01/22,"Was anyone else diagnosed at a young age? I was recently diagnosed and am in my late teens. Did anyone else get diagnosed somewhat young, or while still in school? How did you work on coping with still being at such an important age when it comes to development and social skills? How did you deal with school on top of your mental illness? Is there any advice anyone can give to someone still somewhat young, and trying to form relationships with others and keep the very few they have left. ",6.546080586080585,7.706202747252745,6.015109890109893,78.95072344322345,65.48351648351647,9.143589743589745,27.25457875457875,9.2995712137729,2.2017457875457875,394,11,70,7,6,121,64,91,0.028999999999999998,0.922,0.049,-0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,3,8,0,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,2,0,14,14,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,0,13,8,4,21,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,3,12,52,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461097570042484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167910547450863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136447482022117,0.3064029586377279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879871968633255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541491279865359,0.0,0.4552806513912319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981047724403144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811831936588445,0.14343374193976344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329007403792043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866570001770909,0.0,0.16245452177084935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068155301006764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476335109243937,0.16052912082140047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026455707327965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241737744852116,0.1266882820309996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582219279048024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151464285291653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337011790034512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088527456735933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,littlewingflier,2019/01/22,"Any advice for getting to sleep without getting depressed? Hey guys, does anybody have any advice for getting to sleep? 

I find that whenever I get into bed, no matter how tired I am my brain decides that it’s time to (over)think everything and I tend to spiral downwards. 

Sometimes I might just feel a bit down but worryingly regularly I end up beating myself up, crying or having suicidal thoughts. 

I don’t really remember the last time I managed to fall asleep quickly or without feeling sad. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ",5.7650000000000015,8.192918833333334,6.4212500000000015,70.39875000000002,69.0,8.133333333333335,37.0,8.841846274778883,3.8404624999999992,432,24,63,8,8,141,72,96,0.187,0.708,0.105,-0.8672,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,5,4,1,0,18,15,5,1,1,6,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,10,1,13,11,1,11,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,3,5,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296254476080708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989802467511038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999634055014955,0.0,0.0,0.16360000187701906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098000064065954,0.0,0.0,0.1262246387964621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824825258054073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298011781208566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171108712029791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820173826215638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339454654360151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062685532856642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157360576029667,0.0,0.14510907935487774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119459076561403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554680395429353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388467821917923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601434226961245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29331478374598563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449432343118072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030361389832792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390431837058978,0.0,0.11634556398263378,0.17091077945636265,0.1684394528257305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825409368830724,0.0,0.0,0.14883021696346774,0.0,0.10410601925837744,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ahamplan,2019/01/22,Managed to calm myself down today I've been incredibly preoccupied with a relationship ive been working on for a month but I've been overthinking this way too much and it almost lead me back down to this rabbit hole that i always end up in with regards to relationships. I know it doesn't seem like a long time but this is pretty long considering how fast I get attached to someone if I'm interested in them. I'm always scared of meeting new people especially if I actually enjoy their company. This was just a small victory for that I would like to share :),5.800668414154654,6.573709669724772,7.154416775884666,71.50339449541285,66.9816513761468,10.26526867627785,31.16775884665793,10.290406445055957,3.214139187418088,450,17,83,11,7,154,75,109,0.079,0.74,0.18100000000000002,0.9155,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,2,4,7,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,14,13,6,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,10,6,16,8,1,18,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,4,11,55,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.19734854207986244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025053992932152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33654522518180674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550335951863642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911687505325838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565748898775963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114101424271736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759996161657992,0.0,0.0,0.35793661072263244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141906603836295,0.0,0.14866324853934193,0.0,0.0,0.19531621557392653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020169561179505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574189959282888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342413905747453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246877543590847,0.0,0.0,0.1841037480548736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134989426582858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792267671344572,0.0,0.19169159259941596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052176478219968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472267692220451,0.0,0.0,0.14365928810316908,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abosluteidiot,2019/09/10,"Been here before I've been here before and been a nasty bastard. I just want to say I finally got given medication that actually works (mood stabilisers), I don't feel manic or aggressive anymore, or irritable. I have only been on it a day, but it is immediately obvious to me how much destruction I've caused in my heightened state.

It's like this is how my brain used to feel before my downward spiral started about 4 years ago. I'm just so annoyed with myself I didn't get put on this sooner, I have made so many mistakes, financially, romantically, and worst of all I've pushed everyone away including some very old friends. 

Luckily I have my job and now a new sense of security in myself so I really hope it's only onwards and upwards from here.",5.972754946727548,6.45854790410959,7.466803652968039,70.42286910197873,66.53424657534246,10.872450532724507,33.3455098934551,10.746095033038511,3.715095281582952,598,25,110,16,9,207,96,146,0.16399999999999998,0.68,0.155,-0.1272,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,13,11,4,0,3,0,11,2,1,5,2,23,22,12,0,3,5,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,8,3,15,4,13,14,4,17,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,4,9,71,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.17040907269826433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154794764820897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318134379309774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406618868433476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457797268786405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493955242191466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938825416735732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261885221749357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686192807998873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765915659749925,0.0,0.0,0.19129344674458848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491504977315513,0.0,0.09123449574177744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966378006591704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344229408734013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732886345161904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531308584653081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523465193770098,0.0,0.17704261440432345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591658716451467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836966547059134,0.0,0.0,0.16865417310971562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832398448470628,0.0,0.0,0.2656207722181531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755466273246793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186941895685358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886902297787546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360066429988854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508201650951932,0.0,0.14408413529128133,0.10299850813287653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712927572242827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245294802206936
bpd,lonelyredwolf,2019/09/10,"My (F22) girlfriend (F22) is ashamed of me as her partner. Hey all,

So I asked my gf of 10 months if she was proud to have me as her partner and she didn't say anything for a little while before saying, 'You make me proud in other ways'. I know I'm a terrible human being who is fierce, overly protective, relatively outspoken and my brain is literally an amusement park but part of me thought that maybe she loves me unconditionally - I guess that doesn't seem like the case.

I constantly feel worthless and I spent all night crying about it. I dabbled in drugs a little bit, and while under the influence of alcohol, I got into a heated argument with our mutual friends (they're no longer my friends). They all think that I'm the worst possible person that she could have ended up dating. My gf was really disappointed in me but I was just standing up for myself. There's also things in my past, even years ago that she is struggling to get past. 

I love her immensely and I know she loves me too but I just feel incredibly low now, practically numb. It's like my mind has split from my feelings. I told her I was going to take a bit of time out for a little while, and since saying that she's told me how much she loves me and if there's any way to make this better. But there's not. 

I get put down a lot, mostly in a joking manner, but after a while when you hear the same things being repeated over and over again it no longer seems like a joke. 

Anyway, I just wanted to vent to someone and well if you have any thoughts or advice, please feel free to comment. I don't bite.",4.418598382749329,5.06209931446541,5.2698023360287545,84.2517924528302,70.0062893081761,8.321293800539085,25.52021563342318,8.418075326091056,1.4348102425876008,1234,33,259,18,21,403,172,318,0.139,0.716,0.14400000000000002,0.563,0,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,1,3,1,3,17,25,0,2,15,0,18,8,1,4,3,50,49,28,0,5,13,0,4,3,7,0,3,4,0,4,14,12,1,1,11,3,2,2,6,8,1,0,11,8,51,18,35,35,11,42,0,3,0,4,40,18,0,9,22,183,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990224869224466,0.08982654481696299,0.10829531029641627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103682449959368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782129405420665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833893108740275,0.0,0.09473368258879396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862278356361916,0.0,0.0,0.08962175598555411,0.22126113284918286,0.0,0.0,0.11312234275161935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950613728674753,0.0,0.08090701458972249,0.0,0.11131072493701864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751535749359387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975191437949563,0.0,0.0,0.06693020193410458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495021564461746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565809125257326,0.0,0.10588574529744617,0.0,0.05759049101456026,0.0,0.08104611815466216,0.0,0.11163090995350357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421086914005542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113811168422482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852013383269672,0.3046900987123589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615060824139595,0.3658318421538102,0.0,0.13528256609442585,0.0,0.10180370023762443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231853033557273,0.0,0.08088389321210275,0.0,0.0744922059985323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950951663933526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973493009666073,0.19346968473682535,0.0,0.08848100710806456,0.0,0.1112343861282415,0.0,0.1142389457172234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186873571009976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491720432019961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24175477505281895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450147511173492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382459537638379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858600343184276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593637891921844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619061447212874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464371561228713,0.06493078463752278,0.0,0.16089587549476345,0.059088715011576386,0.0,0.0,0.19365810566351307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059769463893582266,0.16086854669046366,0.0,0.0,0.09111150465698972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525582300532927
bpd,molmies,2019/09/10,How to stop being so jealous Hello!! I’m in a wonderful relationship with my BF. He’s understanding and we’ve been together for 10 months. He recently got a new job and i was really happy. Until I found out he has a few coworkers that are female and of the same age. I can’t help but feel infuriatingly jealous. That they’re all probably better than me and I keep getting suicidal thoughts because of this. I feel like I’m going to have a meltdown but I don’t wanna freak out on him tonight,0.510428571428573,2.9883957000000048,3.479714285714288,82.83700000000002,92.0,6.857142857142858,23.142857142857146,7.957251820313856,1.8115857142857152,390,16,77,10,14,138,76,100,0.179,0.691,0.131,-0.7949,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,1,21,20,9,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,2,9,3,13,14,3,12,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,8,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067984797828134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410398250472447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333761192707001,0.16486752255555534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530356638266059,0.0,0.0,0.12057174102442934,0.0,0.13115619573855444,0.0,0.18457388275879502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566698540443566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546853222328903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22901110148620685,0.2051256834636194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127462502976555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420443276895868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228863887232764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488172233545125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784200319575702,0.0,0.22786498212194006,0.24776871468397205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929403591602961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25243317490975353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321159073450224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24024756066918865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502684006548853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cturmon,2019/09/10,"Does anybody else feel like there's no other way they're going out of this life than by their own hand? When I was young I wasn't suicidal, but as the years went on and on I grew more and more comfortable with the idea. Originally it was scary, and I never thought I'd do it, but as the years go on and on I grow more and more comfortable with the idea. I find an odd comfort in knowing that I can take my own life, and that I don't have to fear how I'm going to do because I know exactly how I'm going to die, and it's going to be by my own hand.

Maybe this is more of a venting than a DAE, but the more I live with BPD the closer I get to the edge, and I know that one day I will finally do it. I have no idea when that will be, but I know that eventually I will.",3.1324137931034457,2.3010344252873587,4.8948505747126445,90.96020689655177,72.5632183908046,8.569195402298849,24.871264367816092,7.908726449838941,0.8688202298850567,586,13,155,7,10,202,84,174,0.095,0.7509999999999999,0.154,0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,10,0,16,4,2,3,2,31,32,18,2,0,4,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,10,0,0,8,5,1,0,1,5,3,19,4,22,22,9,25,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,10,109,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164003129284058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189335906749192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695068710136194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601924623556718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315551673007788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558177946378624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916352160225254,0.07601157941352905,0.10739608510592573,0.0,0.16467963164869484,0.13739928427913206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854144199968707,0.0,0.4271812222738048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091142520138712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304706787018969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236564886212167,0.07344385179476944,0.0,0.1327445187743753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102711691938686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594409074132205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186778603885464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443708449025524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302977016732672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934556476570055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193252934469144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935780935543246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361572885254194
bpd,nicesttdogg,2019/09/10,"Abusive Mother (TW: abuse) A little bit of backstory, my mother was extremely abusive to me and my four older siblings growing up and has also been diagnosed with BPD, but never got it treated. We experienced physical, mental and sexual abuse. I was the youngest of 5 and only lived with her until I was 8 years old, but my father -who also became extremely physically abusive to me when my oldest brother committed suicide- did not pursue any legal action against her so we were still forced to see her until we each turned 18. My issue now is that, I still try to talk to her and get her approval constantly. I’m 21 now and still just want her to be okay with the way I do things, I will go through stages of not speaking to her and feeling so free, but I always eventually pick up contact with her again. Is this apart of the illness? I’m struggling so much because a lot of my trauma stems from her and her abuse, and I know I shouldn’t want her love but I can’t help but wish she loved me like I see all of my friends moms.",4.990115758028381,5.4232970631068005,5.826893203883497,81.51037714712474,68.66019417475728,8.474383868558627,29.923823749066468,8.384062270229773,2.093797311426438,809,29,160,11,13,266,124,206,0.18,0.638,0.183,-0.5072,0,0,0,0,3,1,20.0,3,0,0,1,13,9,0,1,5,1,14,4,0,1,3,36,29,22,1,4,8,5,1,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,5,17,0,0,2,0,1,3,5,2,0,1,7,5,35,8,24,19,5,24,0,0,2,2,28,4,0,1,16,118,40,1,0.0,0.7420011043913638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693668302937165,0.08684804054892918,0.0,0.0,0.07097831702530583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362579623556723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395004625751633,0.0,0.13145617316961347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279187852493087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059380366599708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052774941202870095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063956825852997,0.0,0.054531428178485636,0.0,0.059318498740358015,0.0,0.08347791402668843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996010398406442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108939980172976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736155850308839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509921644844994,0.10461078393479424,0.0921646968445184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873556478544886,0.18840432930583287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051850622554436,0.0,0.0,0.1222422870391532,0.0,0.0,0.0767273511624212,0.0,0.08050013720152242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952360022897394,0.0,0.0,0.07938159763563744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663461086762423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500611059232589,0.0,0.0,0.10911500924499852,0.0,0.11416888758925073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389236150356066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934185604464899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086351192311988,0.11352960866257343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312570378283325,0.08284771076017501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200256556429916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721382968872412
bpd,emmae67,2019/09/10,"My Enemy I'm trying to do this assignment for school and the question I've come across is sending me absolutely spiraling. ""What ate your beliefs about self, what do you know about your self and how does this effect your behaviour?"" I have no idea who i am, i don't know why I'm here in this program and i don't know why i thought i could do school after just getting all these diagnosis' without entering any treatment because i just don't have the time. How am i supposed to know myself? How do i figure out myself? Does anybody else get triggered by these types of questions? I'm frustrated and ready to drop out 2 weeks in.",5.14714,5.730936464000004,5.70215,82.01082500000003,68.36,8.81,31.625,8.841846274778883,2.46126,498,20,99,8,8,161,75,125,0.10300000000000001,0.875,0.021,-0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,1,8,1,1,0,2,0,13,1,0,5,1,27,25,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,7,1,0,11,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,2,0,17,0,15,22,1,12,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,3,67,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185513003057149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627077666583283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017102702928545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391894024691504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30511708925070097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563147840976934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216187672588224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679888148541602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38323181687607305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39058203314041656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528652792006835,0.0,0.0,0.3637312495845178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839962383627333,0.10165401574681246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835954746180027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398380984534172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146138669591789,0.0,0.0,0.1680492063659695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fleabagtereza,2019/09/10,"DAE feel like they can’t trust anything they feel, think or want just because it can change in a span of a few sexonds? Mostly in romantic relationships. Makes me miserable to know that I want to marry the guy one minute and then not want to see him ever again the next one. The extremity of emotions and the lack of grey area makes me feel as if I can’t trust any of my feelings and thus leaves me wondering if any of my relationship and feelings toward anyone are even real. I don’t want to devalue any of them, just can’t help myself because deep down I know that if it was the other way around, I wouldn’t trust the other person actually loves me. But maybe that’s just BPD again and the inability to trust anyone.. anyhow.. does anyone have a good mindset or advice to deal with this kind of devaluation?",8.851490683229816,6.35915489440994,8.771304347826089,73.1421739130435,62.16770186335403,11.684472049689438,34.18012422360248,9.957137785484203,3.0024633540372663,642,18,129,10,7,210,95,161,0.047,0.753,0.2,0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,8,9,0,1,10,0,9,1,0,3,1,39,26,13,0,9,10,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,9,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,7,16,8,20,24,3,14,0,1,2,1,11,8,0,8,6,88,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.1317914166660355,0.0,0.0,0.13197139771772695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755202789318631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832948097084773,0.0,0.11113641206953792,0.12022504601134035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465307397877907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009345490724131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428672671777572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923283629005287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818504636170972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519154909657673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920067121411834,0.12216240134598162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414321239269759,0.09648128277842884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327533571893482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372286113833093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052260921185892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063603159787516,0.1484422591864932,0.0,0.0,0.14300072661250895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659796586287035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188983795292142,0.0,0.18029671733355654,0.0,0.1356780366839108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436294934107196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302966371881144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792232797252092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371891311347982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899909339878251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761907810373496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865359644040626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186290280531111,0.10719811032511767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645829548359088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,melancholysnail,2019/09/10,"does anyone else feel like they abuse people they actually love? a lot of symptoms can be seen as emotionally abusive behavior, y'know? maybe it's just me, but does anyone else get scared that they're actually abusive?",6.446153846153845,8.608728999999999,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,66.69230769230771,9.302564102564103,30.948717948717945,9.725611199111238,3.2634717948717964,177,7,28,4,3,57,32,39,0.309,0.603,0.087,-0.9192,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.5890867447728313,0.3234559909909063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23176371100868245,0.3396187270708088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900618436184154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27689130897355074,0.1864232774798978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379776831808759,0.11839712222022555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658677547340707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910805484619814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096701745406233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408972161784485,0.14957726126690846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649746592565806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489590425848402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592404918004114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225631161367164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snerberner,2019/09/10,"Rejected and abandon by FP I was dating a guy for 3 months.

Sleeping over 5 or 6 nights a week, taking care of him. I was terribly co-dependent.

I had his housekeys. New roommate moved in on September 2nd, so had to give the keys back. It hurt so bad, but I hid it as long as I could.

He used to say mean things just joking. We would banter back and forth. I had a few meltdowns but he was always ""there"" and stuck through.

On the 2nd, a few hours before his roommate moved in, he joked that he didn't need me anymore -- his roommate was moving in and he wouldn't be lonely anymore, and his new roommate could cook.

Later that day, he ""jokingly"" told me it was time for me to leave. He then changed his mind, but I told him that if he tells me to leave, I'm going to leave.

He messaged me later that evening knowing that I was upset and referred to be as ""butthurt"". 

I didn't expect to see him for a few days and I was feeling hurt, but trying to work through things myself. It's hard going from sleeping with someone every night to going back to living alone again.

I left him alone most of the week and barely replied to him. I was waiting for him to make weekend plans.

He had borrowed money, and on Friday he sent it as promised. I felt obligated to reach out and say Thanks and we had a short chat. I finally asked, ""So are we never going to hang out again because you have a roommate?""

He said no -- he's been busy and ""u've been acting weird.""

At this point, I completely poured out my pent-up feelings: I felt hurt by what he said, and even though he was joking about no longer needing me, it seemed to be true. I said specifically that I felt cast aside and unwanted.

All he came back with was excues about showing his roommate around, watching football, getting groceries.

I told him to ""Take care"" and we haven't spoken since. It's been 4 days and I am hurting so bad.

I obviously meant nothing to him and was so easily replaced. I'm so torn apart. I've been sleeping 12+ hours a day and am trying to move on and feel like myself again.

I was falling in love with him and was thinking he was feeling the same way.

I guess not.",2.319841823390213,4.0039542672811095,3.3403549632581893,92.00582202017686,76.6036866359447,5.797882675302031,24.17212604309379,6.382479282647008,0.560243068875327,1648,54,355,12,37,528,208,434,0.136,0.765,0.099,-0.912,1,5,0,0,0,0,68.0,4,1,0,2,21,23,0,1,12,0,37,5,3,2,4,73,80,38,0,9,8,0,8,1,0,2,0,5,0,1,17,32,1,2,13,8,2,13,8,12,0,0,38,15,52,11,52,35,6,61,0,7,2,1,53,18,0,5,30,225,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383420949618862,0.0,0.0,0.06179520203575661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473036909303456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611242187472012,0.06942861821357389,0.0,0.0,0.22842366017231505,0.12401789682513308,0.045271820851820466,0.0,0.06319483541829621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494043781567487,0.15143812784143185,0.0,0.07856350530199258,0.0,0.07786641332122114,0.0,0.0,0.11859060205930096,0.0,0.0,0.19158152069538464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810389103547908,0.0,0.06257224803131599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020434006080727,0.05305559433481097,0.21392081414556569,0.08135469485076384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388008825563471,0.07124264603742411,0.16882815506024193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181229332799562,0.07353494553071778,0.0,0.0,0.06652768484093549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627396016435046,0.0,0.3180128509060715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04081461221669353,0.0,0.0,0.23591068616366195,0.0806901488811477,0.0,0.0,0.03628258146808617,0.0,0.0655781756971545,0.06572300992726952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702790022824939,0.0,0.0495730841220011,0.0,0.0,0.08089736820688777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749874171964552,0.0,0.05927835578635932,0.3157317164964212,0.0,0.11013449028922648,0.0572784625978017,0.14345299352537244,0.0,0.1393870864313122,0.0,0.07126016159447045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020530753404855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211931714890556,0.11811849470905482,0.0,0.0,0.05918032996794575,0.06760891229667614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143354370119977,0.0,0.22295868813315187,0.0,0.06292528042400418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167747181547348,0.0,0.06491169512686996,0.06837408924664208,0.0,0.0,0.09867796617470764,0.04758660841333761,0.07296589792372639,0.0,0.0433050602822727,0.0,0.0,0.212892832538315,0.0,0.10084338134918194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414191765305922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894883744372593,0.11914329677573025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406648062965781,0.0,0.0,0.05275638498720383,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neurobarbie23,2019/09/10,"Got my first full time job! I am very happy at the location where I completed my externship, and they offered me a full time position! It is a job that will put me on track to my dream career. Really proud of myself. I take my Zoloft regularly and use my skills. I will be able to afford a therapist now as well so I am looking forward to maintaining my progress with someone since I had to stop a few months back due to finances. Just feeling really proud and thankful today, especially on world suicide prevention day. 5 years ago this month, I was a mess. I tried to kill myself. It’s amazing to see how far I’ve come after working so hard at getting back on track. Trust dbt and psychiatrists who will work with you. There is hope out there!",2.999764521193093,5.022039850340139,4.2322448979591885,84.85973312401885,75.66666666666666,7.788383045525903,26.273678702250127,8.617729084823388,1.933673364730508,586,22,117,12,13,192,101,147,0.09699999999999999,0.6970000000000001,0.20600000000000002,0.9516,3,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,1,7,11,10,1,0,6,0,10,1,0,2,0,15,20,8,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,2,1,1,3,4,20,8,18,13,3,29,0,0,2,0,4,12,0,1,16,78,25,6,0.16558035667594312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677699564618713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546421472366906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263281578956835,0.1736078536766093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678563193484793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372240346840773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408425668017928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650890228598462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132429737287199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762633686357629,0.1483274762850934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644586551333133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286259090654072,0.0,0.1831901318911028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904579712933826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643293219399788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664539920607115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121500328279181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194610650967964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696978210253352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029569888295973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843259237866534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181118035424106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449582149066632,0.0,0.0,0.15244414600469886,0.0,0.1922515562056458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310247507939646,0.0,0.15695081732586674,0.0,0.0,0.11241819320289667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300826478949472,0.0,0.13662113523543445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887662605309454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410889434252335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106628320934068
bpd,throwmetheaccount,2019/09/10,"Preparing for first psychiatrist appointment!! I figured since a lot of people on here have more disorders than just bpd I could ask this here....

I have my first psychiatrist appointment in a couple weeks and I’m curious what yall said the first time going into yours. I want to walk in and say “I want to know if I have bpd, anxiety and adhd” 

Should I say this or how will my appt start? What should I expect on my first visit?",1.8551633986928096,4.239955588235296,3.5027450980392167,86.77124183006538,81.35294117647058,7.5424836601307215,20.03267973856209,8.515128840125781,1.2441111111111107,335,9,69,8,9,111,55,85,0.022000000000000002,0.9009999999999999,0.076,0.4843,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,17,15,6,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,3,13,0,10,10,2,15,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,7,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097698190308156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352685989580426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317651743165373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396679932589545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936041031835275,0.1931313194469408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004431007917975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5938733866189712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919825244972066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592566369902772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483923757980523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210078996932652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660327785043831,0.27761123736615745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438587390303567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354423117471572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177890768748657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590296292493973,0.0,0.14000990328933755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loopsthatreplay,2019/09/10,"a song Sometimes I fear, 
you’ll find out
That’s it’s all been a lie

I’m not the girl
you think iam
I made her for you
My heads split in two

I shift into obsession, 
then I go numb 
Then I go numb

Sometimes I hate you, 
you mean nothing to me
Bury the memories 

Lust just like a demon,
When will I be free 
You’re everything to me 

I’ll let you plant your seed
For you I’d do anything 
The risk is worth everything 

You haven’t called in days
Have I driven you away
Should I keep myself at bay 

Slip into unhealthy ways
I’m living in a haze
I lose myself in this drug 

My love for you slowly fades
It never remains the same 
Sometimes I forget your name 

When the cravings come
I wash myself in its touch
Sometimes I feel way to much 

The worries begin piling up
I think that I’m giving up 
Need to get out of this rut 

From the very first day 
I’ve worshiped your presence
Replaced myself with your essence 

I’ve created a god 
And he’ll never know me truly
He’ll never see right through me 
But he’s owned me from the start

He’s owned me from the start 
He’s owned me from the start 
Until the day, that we depart
Until the day, that we depart",-0.16411202185792462,2.0325109221311517,1.558229508196721,98.37720765027323,89.3688524590164,4.0730054644808735,16.33005464480874,5.46131890053228,-0.7894099453551915,891,20,204,5,30,289,131,244,0.122,0.787,0.091,-0.7654,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,2,14,0,3,3,11,1,3,17,0,10,7,1,1,4,29,36,8,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,5,4,1,0,1,9,9,0,1,6,1,2,6,5,7,0,2,3,4,44,5,29,26,6,41,2,1,1,2,27,14,0,0,20,127,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192075448463613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636429981202975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264681185107701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066886947437274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195006598010736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143630565761268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226228106658606,0.0,0.0,0.13936945261070152,0.06262397539729007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319971857827422,0.10534959667772666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470826378567063,0.11881141945377463,0.14077742659875633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227954219541652,0.12710926932109715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008654865562996,0.0,0.0,0.0680665623982214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664844222303426,0.0,0.06050849098735129,0.0,0.1093647776035027,0.0,0.0,0.13856021876639746,0.0,0.0,0.11178248439763078,0.11719303490622793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491260756494095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104646337783867,0.09183569006692437,0.28657001770259416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884063016268208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577008461678176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986950850132772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899765223260719,0.0,0.26299211689309304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872045206208618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098672685766397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219198514722724,0.0,0.19661804948007588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257790894329006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oohnooooooooooooo123,2019/09/10,"splitting is ruining my relationship w my boyfriend throwaway bc he may or may not know my main account and don’t really wanna risk it

the past few days my brain has been finding every minuscule reason to decide my boyfriend hates me. it’s embarrassing. most recently he sent me this personal essay he wrote for class in which he briefly discusses how “madly in love” he was with this girl he used to date (who i’ve always been insanely jealous of and who he still talks about way more than i’m comfortable with considering they aren’t friends nor did she actually hurt him in any way) and how well they instantly connected and all this stuff that i definitely cannot imagine him feeling about me. 

we’re adults, he can love someone before me and still love me obviously, right? but my brain literally can’t process that! i guess i can’t process “moving on” bc i never do and i’ve only ever been in one other relationship and it was a nightmare. so i’m like completely convinced he would leave me for her instantly given the opportunity and that alone hurts.  

i just told him i needed space today (true) which was a good step while i’m so emotional but i sort of made it sound more “i need space bc im busy” vs “i need space bc i’m upset”. i’m internalizing all of it bc i know from other past relationships that i won’t be able to talk it out properly when i’m this upset, and if i bring it up too late i’ll just feel like i’m dragging out an already stupid problem. he knows some of my issues but i never told him i have bpd because he was in a very short lived but emotional abusive relationship with someone who has it and 9/10 chance he would leave me in a heartbeat if i told him. i literally am tending this wound as if we already broke up. which is insane and stupid. 

i feel really ashamed and hopeless. i don’t know how to stop being like this.",2.665346299810245,4.745683368279568,4.156628716002533,84.74906072106266,76.8763440860215,7.494750158127768,25.457305502846303,8.405096225971981,1.7084776091081595,1471,54,300,29,34,488,192,372,0.16899999999999998,0.718,0.114,-0.9690000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,2,1,15,29,5,5,7,0,29,6,2,6,7,68,61,29,0,10,12,0,3,3,1,5,1,1,0,3,27,18,0,1,11,0,1,4,11,16,1,1,15,4,42,13,30,39,8,37,0,5,0,3,44,16,0,10,18,182,69,1,0.08925883429005907,0.10575712292112464,0.08710374652545684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244523326853787,0.19699868640120086,0.0,0.07427050050546115,0.0,0.0,0.06069906813308936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054411356912672806,0.0,0.07595269375705402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124183771347061,0.19928475747309676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358618953273874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057564563917965376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080834933133698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073972578006132,0.07520441759133079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353958456348308,0.0637665290515766,0.0,0.0,0.08158095748098812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896115395638787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486607534579233,0.0,0.0,0.0983286691004576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812461954789297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911068564052583,0.0,0.09641485792612936,0.0931630328256347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621728402254413,0.0,0.10068785292035054,0.18902443510985026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308220733887565,0.0,0.07881718597577361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416787485330168,0.08445886719357862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486801497982372,0.0,0.1985528838944887,0.13768383127416642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604840961517321,0.0678853656347071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041531435496549,0.0,0.0779373712283446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540864974670652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436298969857793,0.09177294768803908,0.08813233059542973,0.3833223353651935,0.0,0.07622655678172569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512574412762033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256444072875568,0.0746243822125177,0.0,0.0,0.10218001027311327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348573987559832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460693814542469,0.25587192380238305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709097422670891,0.0,0.0736478862306445,0.0,0.14169901600539325,0.0,0.0,0.0802544115818234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681382983718406,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,demmasco,2019/09/10,"What song really hits you in the BPD feels? I know that, for some, music can be triggering, but my favorite therapist of all time (I miss you) once told me that it's okay to feel emotion when listening to music. It's a practice in radical acceptance and can even help you navigate confusing emotions. So my friends, I'd love to hear music you've found that emotionally belts out and embodies what we feel. If you could, drop a song link and your favorite line as well.",6.82054945054945,6.480607758241763,7.068439560439563,76.80156043956045,64.82417582417581,11.675604395604394,34.683516483516485,11.20814326018867,3.8091389010989016,370,15,73,10,5,120,67,91,0.062,0.659,0.27899999999999997,0.9799,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,5,0,0,4,7,0,1,3,1,4,1,0,1,1,19,15,8,0,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,11,5,9,10,2,6,0,1,0,1,12,3,0,3,2,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472952019046657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567690226970699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6625999577346434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296869301053159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29784047623457066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152869878145208,0.15169906314150833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130004953543106,0.0,0.13160886722062098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790849793934594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772130038932582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910570804169049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578645657748036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279767926901979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449291698333433,0.0,0.0,0.18762027072799312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654169559916275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,megamose,2019/09/10,What combos have been effective for you? I’m on a bunch of different psych meds and recently diagnosed with BPD and now wondering if any of you have had success with specific meds? And yes I’ll be consulting with my doctor as well.,5.537999999999999,6.5300948000000005,6.5177777777777814,75.05000000000003,67.66666666666666,12.222222222222225,32.77777777777778,11.855464076750405,4.405444444444447,186,8,35,7,3,62,36,45,0.0,0.7609999999999999,0.239,0.8992,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,0,9,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,8,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,25,4,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877948596458675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478075365068019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28029149688946514,0.0,0.2885231828676837,0.0,0.28265632896848986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6134918675872487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726697322295374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829649651168595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994783013897403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darlingmartyr,2019/09/10,"Can the people here please gives me some healthy tips on how to deal with inner critic The voice inside my mind never stops until I took some weed or listening to loud music in my headphones. I used to believe this voice which constantly telling me how horrible I am, and making very vivid scenarios where I have scared and frustrated all of my loved ones and the people around me. It is always the loudest when I am at my job, literally berating me and telling me that I’m too slow whenever I break out from the “zone”. The voice made me emotional, which leads me to end up either silently crying while still working or basically took a long break and cried my eyes out. Frequently this voice immediately came up after I wake up, and continuously beating me down until I am very late to work or didn’t go at all.

I am terrified to think that this voice would completely blind out the voice of others talking to me, and everyday it’s literally a fucking toss of a dime to see whether or not if I would brace enough so the day wasn’t so bad or complete paralyzation.

Here are three of the things I have tried:

Working till I collapse. Back in college, I lived day in and day out working, and since that studio was open 24/7 I was basically working non stop just to not hear that voice.  

Of course, weed. It does help to muffled or shut off the voice, but this is temporary. I have tried to maintain the effect afterwards by maintaining mindfulness (despite the absolute bare minimum of seconds that it lasted).

Break days to recover. Some were planned beforehand, and some that just happened. Perhaps my mind is weak or I have no discipline whatever, but I am wanting to reduce this as fast as possible due to the fact that my life is not getting any easier along the way, and that I’m in a relationship that I really want to make it work.

I really want these stories and voices to stop harassing me, I really want for my memories to stay where they are, instead of constantly harassing my head.

And most of all, I don’t want for this thing to end up making me a poison to others in my life, for this I would never even wish this trivially tragic curse on my worst enemy.",8.930921994724283,6.99438788544153,8.781409370682074,71.38236653686724,61.55369928400954,12.735133777163675,37.56575807059415,11.520995432342351,4.150075894988067,1720,65,329,41,19,560,212,419,0.165,0.79,0.044000000000000004,-0.9955,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,10,17,11,5,1,19,0,25,10,3,9,6,76,51,35,0,10,17,0,0,0,0,3,5,12,1,0,29,22,0,4,2,0,1,5,9,10,0,3,9,16,45,1,60,39,11,66,0,1,4,2,11,25,1,13,31,239,74,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180862304957092,0.0,0.0,0.05868704900822282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076825414027273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635947439505861,0.07205700532675281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723069587708072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870436020650898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096809260920466,0.18651956766915506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895932849665544,0.22262578241783407,0.08897164650006341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552182693874253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970760326388284,0.15287260314649492,0.08917110566919502,0.0,0.05700042316381305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978308126347168,0.045088256979355736,0.08278695021330645,0.04904635371149243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763149215747745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856883285557884,0.0,0.09726652068522748,0.0,0.05784515924305918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563956452153487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034612577404548,0.09735030768368724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191267063216278,0.0,0.0,0.07620459750565557,0.07637290097084995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788923836691325,0.08165927139607072,0.17281802440236302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614155952660557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311996381740224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847920279915673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965929043455432,0.0,0.0,0.0947316293161512,0.0,0.0972904318155292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585822289194002,0.0,0.0,0.09265404467247533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640148715068646,0.0,0.06877003176004601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138836085827814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198445794259033,0.06891939676514873,0.21645232344482845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936477698139387,0.15086023811935914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466794577737208,0.055297639835915485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176524373384532,0.11718424925866293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453560526851273,0.0,0.14241329369647013,0.2545102685901535,0.06850102771340696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924089257361443,0.0,0.0,0.3769651428509476,0.0,0.0,0.1839154127603029,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unhaunted,2019/09/10,"can I get a run-down of the lingo? hello friends:)

I’m still kinda new to the sub and to BPD culture as a whole as I was only recently diagnosed. therefore, some of the terminology goes waaaaaay over my head lol. the only one I’ve gathered is that FP means “favorite person” and it’s like the person one’s brain has decided to hyperfocus on. I was hoping to get some more nuanced descriptions of the terms than what I would find on google

what is “splitting”? that’s the biggest one I’m confused about

any other BPD terms a newbie should know? 

thanks y’all :) !!!",3.4069369369369404,5.107744828828832,4.528108108108106,84.56531531531532,73.68468468468468,7.095495495495496,26.74774774774775,7.793537801064563,1.5396558558558562,440,16,87,6,9,144,74,111,0.021,0.815,0.165,0.9443,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,10,1,8,3,2,1,0,14,16,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,6,4,14,12,6,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,5,6,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412537017690715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597755156944728,0.2037617302272768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852621838236235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682738068583233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102076071242092,0.0,0.19072680200396144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732649451832187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129159269502693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031267267976594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917401198035736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882661568625465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762867806760341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710573023059332,0.2776416969211828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31875300072554624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802244827832499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576717998965336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804735514723831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378611015664044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966272840942408,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,p-onyo,2019/09/10,"I think my partner is going to break up with me Me and my boyfriend had a big argument and I kept putting my points across wrong and sounded really arrogant to what he was saying. It kind of ended with him saying if this is what it’s going to be like then he doesn’t want to do this. In my eyes the situation that caused the argument wasn’t a massive deal (ofc I didn’t say that to him) but I understand that bpd will make it a big deal. We haven’t spoken since, but I’m worried sick that he doesn’t love me anymore over things i cant particularly control with my own health. When it comes to the discussion to try and resolve things, I don’t know what to do to fix things or to help him understand my side or to just not abandon this relationship.",3.4663636363636385,4.297359770700641,4.63241459177765,87.2717486971627,72.31210191082803,8.256861609727853,26.37463810075275,8.575989854853784,1.5433745222929942,592,19,133,10,11,195,91,157,0.094,0.79,0.11699999999999999,0.6920000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,6,0,15,4,1,3,0,27,27,11,0,2,7,0,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,1,17,9,0,3,5,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,5,5,19,4,19,20,1,16,0,1,1,1,17,8,0,3,4,90,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824198943019685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009619417827644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391346549294875,0.0,0.13744797939981326,0.0,0.0,0.1789616281849251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290015028036163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413240008227279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136479106416484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960625967416298,0.0,0.0,0.10695061331065396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615859798922808,0.08769074819782521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795361863523237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440103532023839,0.0,0.10650844393797776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508370559159969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040323361162045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221909025767838,0.0,0.0,0.1713091818417458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806687831080778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319908022891519,0.1793536491554218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180164240649305,0.10224047392163496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833168663172428,0.0,0.0,0.3322179970155552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941134216787287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620423019967354,0.0,0.0,0.17445529408685925,0.0,0.0
bpd,blahblahbiatch,2019/09/10,"Splitting or out of love? I’m so confused about my current relationship, it devastates me so much to think about us not being together but I feel numb.. I’m not sure if it’s just my bpd or if I’m wanting to finish things. HELLPPP",-0.6693749999999987,1.4399208125000025,1.7458333333333336,93.23250000000002,101.29166666666666,4.9,22.66666666666667,6.6274283507984215,0.8423666666666674,181,8,39,3,8,61,35,48,0.138,0.8079999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.4659,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,8,7,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,5,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44853522713513533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007081500029914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321422633113621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26179767029053463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823520120579953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33564977638423155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365979809166382,0.22819472078159184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42838241190546544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005561846513665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Noodlesoup4ever,2019/09/10,"Has anyone tried Jungian Analysis or Psychoanalysis for BPD? Yeah, kind of came to the conclusion that I might have BPD - I fit 6 of the traits properly, and it's kind of made a lot of sense, I use to think I had bipolar disorder but the manic spells were never really that extreme or long-lived. Anyway, i'm in psychoanalysis therapy and it has helped a lot abide quite organically and slowly, wonder if anyone else has any experiences with it?",8.919285714285714,7.569649976190476,9.597619047619053,63.65571428571431,61.14285714285714,13.161904761904767,35.285714285714285,12.161744961471696,4.3012,354,12,64,10,4,121,60,84,0.024,0.927,0.048,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,1,7,1,0,2,1,18,13,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,2,9,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,7,1,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225157069298822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519456209579691,0.1845963086895956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453813126632184,0.0,0.0,0.2060562708829987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648019690744635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050145787187685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623209859154898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207581689129067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752200650599947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594368793601898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063330015456868,0.0,0.1704727624158943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112242674810032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389513252854495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162347651085532,0.0,0.0,0.11541579599554053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060298869973322,0.0,0.0,0.1154399403367847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231754178814667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556013213347805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537699740085385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KayJayAre,2019/09/10,"I'm dating someone with BPD. I'm trying to research and learn more about this situation so I dont fuck up our relationship or hurt her in any way. Could you guys maybe give me some tips?

Weve been dating 8 months and I honestly feel shes the one for me, but as most of you with BPD know, her emotions tend to be...everywhere. I just wanna learn more about what I can say or do whenever she has a mood swing cause I love her alot. Any advice you guys can give would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Also, for those who may need to hear it, I know what you say in the intense moments, you dont always mean. I see you, and I dont blame you. You all are amazing and all deserving of love. Stay strong.",1.1540816326530638,3.0208114489795967,2.873707482993201,93.16117346938776,80.76870748299321,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.2344095238095241,541,14,126,7,14,179,94,147,0.013999999999999999,0.7440000000000001,0.242,0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,9,0,1,5,10,1,0,4,0,15,3,0,1,2,27,31,10,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,6,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,5,26,7,16,25,7,9,0,1,1,3,27,3,1,6,4,82,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019589680461133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654814242532272,0.11086236081663853,0.0,0.0,0.18120901156737115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356101440951599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686925316608284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637746687318232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684519912804847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987166861038811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673677210991677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317379677352044,0.0,0.25562269141746224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689227990824466,0.0,0.2638475931947321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016575522052367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263103873775168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644516457896098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404999422313111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385266783741825,0.14513219356543278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634706662180388,0.0,0.0,0.09879221362312116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028362062469912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304474442449674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119079596499471,0.0,0.0,0.10617120549841076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976194871293375,0.0,0.0,0.1128897537840811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420109971878272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266507273791563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045795596423443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575590128544672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464646437192073,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,greenwalltoetat,2019/09/10,"i just lost my last friend i finally got diagnosed with bpd just yesterday. today i messaged my best friend while i was in a confident and self assured mood and told her that i can’t be around her and her boyfriend anymore because i get triggered by the love and affection they show to each other. (as if it’s a bad thing to show your partner love???!!) it kills me because no one should have to be told by their hest friend that their friendship is over due to their own happiness. and now she’s not in my life. i told her i would rather be totally absent than someone who she eventually grew to resent due to my instability and emotional sensitivities. 

so now i really am alone. to make matters worse i came home and my mum yelled at me for burning dinner because i was dissociating as it was cooking. i feel like i can’t please anyone. like i can’t do anything right. and that no matter how i react to anything, i’ll never truly know if it’s the right reaction because i dont know what i do and dont need in my own life. 

i was sobbing and feeling suicidal and then 5 minutes later i was laughing at r/bpdmemes. i fucking hate this brain. 
thank you for listening. i just needed somewhere to let everything out.",4.3330189596499755,5.3971856611570255,5.418789499270783,81.56716820612544,70.48760330578511,8.504035002430724,30.76421973748177,8.841846274778883,2.4273725814292657,958,40,191,17,17,317,141,242,0.13,0.67,0.201,0.9497,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,4,2,9,20,4,0,4,0,21,9,1,5,3,41,41,19,2,7,7,1,2,2,4,2,3,2,1,2,12,16,2,0,4,3,0,2,9,7,0,1,11,4,41,12,25,24,5,24,0,2,0,3,26,10,2,2,14,136,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202028289458991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510001853286482,0.08115162828621098,0.0,0.1910144589788529,0.10331772320126224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690498678495163,0.28299562006359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217974761104238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617310681499,0.1295609885286328,0.0,0.13274135773552126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779813435226115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27204216624124217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305515212204993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043069587512257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173665250037132,0.08291306012279802,0.0,0.1271377088505723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690022676080789,0.10729530599336456,0.06063639374031516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928235300747083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354768977717112,0.0,0.1145849082198476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164173241315622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840284263425208,0.0,0.12756673218119194,0.0946041312374037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867888828959824,0.16395277160014995,0.1134017966018687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669285303039396,0.0,0.2094967888384715,0.0,0.07747073905801427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211356746507903,0.08951238173194788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864504427778114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273986789399683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435080426779697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822866884553547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107556016593213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983369920637413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695045503111996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685216222012547,0.0,0.0,0.0771048957684635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001100818241896,0.3326999997883442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827473137404527,0.08244546828939213,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gr8com,2019/09/10,"How do you reckon recording a conversation would go down.. My mum's displayed some pretty severe bpd characteristics for a long time, but lately they've gotten significantly worse to the point it's impossible to have a conversation with her.

She's completely lost touch with reality, has no self awareness at all, is extremely verbally abusive (literally all day every day, it never stops).

How do you reckon a recording would go down?

Would it provide any insight for her into her behaviour or would it just become an extremely big Drama?

Honestly, I'm on the verge of suicide having to deal with her. I have no means of escape, every time I try to leave she attempts suicide, I can't work a normal job because it's me ""leaving her alone when she needs me"", I can't move out bc it's me abandoning her. I'm almost 27 and have no life outside of her, I just need it to let up a little bit so I can breathe again. I don't know how else to get through to her.",3.31625,5.213856719576718,4.999943783068783,80.25483630952381,74.39682539682539,7.687962962962962,27.156415343915327,8.472884824447931,2.0147589947089948,756,29,145,14,16,256,115,189,0.217,0.741,0.042,-0.9895,1,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,2,0,3,8,3,0,0,9,0,17,2,1,3,3,32,28,8,2,7,4,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,5,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,2,1,24,1,23,21,4,24,0,2,0,0,18,11,0,3,10,98,31,2,0.0,0.1581623566307544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336697143409813,0.13825410099267366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077693677786793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137351129723702,0.14742785172499207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573515657275635,0.0,0.16812442476797432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996042891247928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217841855394292,0.1376210538074156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151273309006282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249400813250064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974236943939299,0.0,0.1517294812158394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246700022634053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733619334459331,0.0,0.15058113971056653,0.2826906528089682,0.0,0.13650130492913098,0.09428706146773766,0.0,0.1337908098912282,0.0,0.1181333551462406,0.0,0.0,0.14571875430483888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540839714060708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418774301309356,0.0,0.19796045356999228,0.10295476381536264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079064598722726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619002899058732,0.0,0.0,0.1358060626656373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925789326022678,0.15080430681057827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160258360705068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920300825671562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567674309549426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906301080569334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718140974977796,0.0,0.13603645438019016,0.3793063507482039,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JohnnyBravoCoder,2019/09/10,"My BPD friend was assaulted today for being BPD and I'm sad about it. Thoughts? (Details in post body) My BPD friend is my best friend.  She can be very mean but regardless she is still my friend and I care about her. She is an alcoholic and when she drinks she gets exponentially meaner.

So today, she got drunk as per usual and left some money in the bathroom as u do when ur drunk. 

We rent a room in out landlords house and so we have another Male roommate here. He saw the money in the bathroom so guess what he did? Stole it.

She confronted him about it, so he shoved her against the wall hard and then restrained her there.

Landlord saw it all but is claiming he saw nothing. So basically landlord is taking his side.

We called the cops, filled a report but she didnt press charges because they told her he would be out 3 hours after booking.

I feel sad for her.

She has tried many times to get sober and cant do it. But even when sober she is mean and I am worried ppl will keep beating her up just because she is BPD.

IM SO WORRIED ABOUT HER.

I am set to move out with out her in a month and I'm leaving her here with these women beaters.

I have reached out to her family to see if they will take her in but they want nothing to do with her BPD situation.

I am trully worried. 

Anyone ever been in this situation?

I'm pretty shocked our roommate did this. Side note: it took everything in me not to go get my gun and murder him. 

She is a product of abuse (that's where her bod comes from) so she doesn't see the danger in continuing to live with these men.

Idk what to do...",0.8143968968968984,3.1239105648148167,2.1380980980981006,95.33022522522523,85.32716049382717,4.984184184184183,20.485151818485146,6.382479282647008,0.07169145812479139,1229,38,273,12,37,393,168,324,0.149,0.7659999999999999,0.085,-0.9782,1,0,2,1,1,0,35.0,4,0,3,2,22,13,4,0,11,0,32,5,1,0,2,44,58,29,1,4,8,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,5,3,13,23,4,2,4,4,3,5,4,7,0,0,12,8,48,6,39,40,3,42,0,2,5,0,51,21,0,3,14,182,61,2,0.0,0.10825154286442217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764045925039952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958032465671348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388391740086315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138943973611147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588100778495434,0.0,0.0,0.1014849413496456,0.5753495573164652,0.0,0.0932929821890168,0.0,0.09315180998658903,0.0,0.0,0.07870209991025036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950205544199052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060345139938937975,0.0826440777200471,0.0,0.0,0.08211218034587223,0.0,0.08612996164348916,0.0,0.04619644452801177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28235077155257204,0.0,0.1432019461962187,0.0,0.05192433518798231,0.0,0.0730722334644368,0.0,0.10064787925318662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818443062587178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997525482804883,0.10542192831770084,0.0,0.0,0.09868892834141953,0.0,0.0,0.08120862826076908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674141171076564,0.09926738429091746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806761923021767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262887805844268,0.0,0.19904462314837051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292596934782808,0.0971056010828724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533267551781373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750157209855984,0.09295015658004564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456107502303523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053941989796494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296350468044271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373888964769875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253290623483112,0.053275153415735854,0.0,0.1732050066851338,0.08730233249617249,0.10150889963822267,0.062030240546027834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062467094543456,0.07538496786752336,0.053888925455275856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783540979748595,0.0,0.06490244986458206,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gulliblegull,2019/09/10,"This sub makes me so moved, I'm crying I joined this sub after a psychologist triggered an identity/life crisis by telling me I probably have BPD. And while many posts here are painful and disheartening to read, I'm struck by how beautiful you all are... you are all struggling so much and fighting so hard. It isn't your fault that you are like this. You are just a human, trying your best with the circumstances given to you. 

I think half the battle is just learning to accept and love yourself. Stop bashing yourself!! You have value. You have flaws, like everyone. And you are not the only person struggling with this.

Some days you will be a complete wreck. That's okay. On your bad days, imagine the ""good day you"" giving you a long warm hug and telling you that you are ok. 

<3",2.943800000000003,5.426255113333338,3.099333333333334,90.65299999999999,77.86666666666667,5.866666666666667,23.333333333333336,7.0316486544052195,0.7915333333333336,617,20,121,7,15,188,91,150,0.196,0.593,0.21100000000000002,0.4494,0,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,16,0,1,7,18,2,2,9,2,14,3,0,3,2,22,21,11,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,8,0,1,1,2,21,10,9,18,5,10,0,1,0,2,23,1,0,1,9,82,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530284072790076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262753919575844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191772411607116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246094059826665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115728417835567,0.33669341160407096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628746941819048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693975813516926,0.0,0.14596314471928915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589139699842758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700387537997986,0.0,0.0,0.1540058376749534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570635297085154,0.0,0.11616242705238634,0.17643310650445534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496006015774072,0.12792772483685744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235315732384667,0.18517389444936289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519511172864384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666696728888405,0.0,0.1876273954629568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407117688394896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549192608485587,0.0,0.3638555134978244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042094387940372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150760591938874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815092945257595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Calidood00,2019/09/10,"Nobody will ever feel the intense love, sex, bliss we feel... Some BPD positivity ! I feel like BPD is a shroud of darkness around my life. But people who dont have BPD will never feel the intensity of the love we feel. Its chemically bound to us and its our gift. Sex? Next to none. Our ability to take someone from feeling like they're worthless to making them feel like they're the most perfect being on the planet? Yea we got you covered!!!  


(I know it comes at great cost)

Keep your head up folks... 

Gnite! <3",0.8401285714285721,3.399985270000002,2.063714285714287,92.98900000000002,91.3,4.457142857142856,18.142857142857142,6.1826913282559595,-0.16141428571428573,397,11,82,4,14,126,73,100,0.055,0.64,0.306,0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,6,2,1,1,2,8,0,0,6,1,6,6,1,1,3,23,21,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,8,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,7,12,7,11,17,3,8,0,1,0,4,12,4,0,2,6,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253802338899575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321609232091928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132387350189645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650670832380525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740066202073458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985015798792849,0.3018550510586993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264510628623925,0.15528003282703712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454567045809652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251878330261536,0.0,0.0,0.07740369329615662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994816581957085,0.20642649693973286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542328225003094,0.0,0.09401387372619753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862689391379922,0.0,0.14978825190579245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764288296880996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193359153005043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589649523804014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941692722944926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jeriann,2019/09/10,"On September 9th, 2009, I tried to kill myself for the first time. Ten years later I am writing this post. I was 11 years old that fateful day. I had just started 6th grade. My grades were stellar, I had some nice friends, and I was only slightly  bullied for some physical attributes that were out of my control. Beneath the surface of that, I was not eating, unless someone was watching, I was self-harming and covering the scars up with pen ink to pretend I was just trying to be ""edgy."" I felt completely alone and out of place.

A few years went by like that, until that fateful day I decided to take every pill I could find in my house and down it with all the cough syrup my mother had on hand for my frequent colds. I came to in my family's shared bathroom. All my mother and father had to say was that I was a stupid kid. I didn't know that my common cold or flu symptoms could be healed by ONE pill! I had to take ALL of them! 

They took the locks off the bathroom and my bedroom door. Neither of them ever addressed that there was a real issue there-- that they found their little girl drenched in her own vomit, covered in scars that marked her skin from years prior. 

I am 21 now. I still have just as few friends as I did back then, but now I have a few by choice. I was diagnosed with BPD on April 30th, 2018. It's a decade later. I'm upset with how I cope with things. I drink too much. I cry too much about situations I put myself in. My amazing boyfriend has to deal with my splitting on a constant basis. My friends have to go through periods where I cannot possibly get out of bed, or out of the safe arms of my boyfriend, to go out for coffee with them. I look at all these awful parts of my life and I smile-- not because I'm used to it, but because at least I am alive. I am living. I am a 21 year old with borderline personality disorder. I fight every day to be the best version of myself I can be. I have relapsed time and time and time and TIME again, but at the end of the day I have still managed to stick around. I genuinely believe that it is because I have myself. All of us are so strong. I know that we are able to overcome our faults and the barriers our environment and mind set for us because we have ourselves. 

The only person that has been fighting for me, consistently, for the last decade, is myself. That is the person I love the most. My boyfriend is my FP. But at the end of the day, I am my FP-- my forever person. I think I am starting to be comfortable with that now.",3.1959649122807043,4.32347135477583,4.0972222222222205,89.73250000000004,73.26900584795321,6.881481481481483,26.36549707602339,7.1686216300943375,1.071205847953217,1947,66,423,19,38,627,240,513,0.073,0.8290000000000001,0.098,0.9489,0,1,1,0,3,1,64.0,6,0,6,4,20,18,4,1,24,1,51,15,3,4,6,69,71,25,1,2,12,3,3,1,3,0,9,1,4,6,22,30,2,3,7,2,0,6,5,6,0,3,25,8,80,12,77,39,19,76,0,0,2,1,33,27,0,5,42,314,102,4,0.08552064169648567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857359312149526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613150253881841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576009459042531,0.0,0.20853035761711866,0.0,0.0,0.0963524774157316,0.08974863725615975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077102544247358,0.0,0.0,0.09781283114187496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966676572046736,0.09241743190933267,0.0959186716303737,0.13656254703338827,0.0,0.09394040916362707,0.2757686947403391,0.08816802639030133,0.0,0.08680165112656757,0.0,0.0,0.09801406454510143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377767081422349,0.0,0.08750896670710999,0.0,0.0,0.15149180934360498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735831656360925,0.1441096582086413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062124984924764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211322745615865,0.0,0.07816431717353092,0.07274381413879064,0.0,0.09376896944719704,0.19821910689474206,0.0,0.04468100555209678,0.0,0.09720670300014816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867933829659753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926133097087037,0.0,0.0,0.09461591909994428,0.0,0.09399981623678028,0.06971073727063236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040575837607424,0.04178106571843359,0.08571415005858628,0.07551629342878513,0.0,0.07181580010105171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718571807985575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635146891894939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573502355613622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947905468014502,0.0,0.057951000105142016,0.13008460343576966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261052103159924,0.0,0.0,0.2986933025777851,0.08935086843210205,0.0,0.0,0.09641167380025137,0.08190513465639307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597186586470247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734121310179754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680094468242613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921668064834892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612878444127436,0.0,0.0,0.07246136218446038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106390073019938,0.0,0.13659378986065973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888869199151532,0.12860175876115615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681611427419059,0.05479817402694577,0.0,0.0,0.2493388695600168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501657963729036,0.11612580397911462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574160416398315,0.07386237605849669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927849164728767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27536244674079696
bpd,Doodlybopp,2019/09/10,DAE feel weird/awkward and almost moody hanging out with your S/O’s friends? I ask because today I hung out with my SO’s classmates. I realized that while I was hanging with them I almost get insecure and upset. I hate that I get like this.,0.9165986394557812,3.3756860000000017,2.5256122448979603,91.50093537414969,86.95918367346941,4.899319727891157,24.493197278911573,6.42735559955562,0.8618952380952378,190,8,38,2,6,62,34,49,0.22699999999999998,0.6579999999999999,0.115,-0.6629,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,10,2,5,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,23,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6562649006729577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063442813575158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997557171876089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568902635783606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531711309598857,0.0,0.3424071741193785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235243077640392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009192796326324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310610147719927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lavien_rosekia,2019/09/10,"Why?  If you lose your only reason to live, should you even find a new one?",-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,0.8049999999999997,103.54,91.5,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.39865,56,0,14,0,2,18,15,16,0.179,0.821,0.0,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24710176072631124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419375587705181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303535162356802,0.0,0.0,0.4185429393530669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36132600763776174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25351239825034305,0.2845340005574867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846561582822263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375837829882521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lumiaverse,2019/09/10,"Freaked out in the middle of class and have to now apologize. (Possibly have BPD) TLDR; I possibly have BPD and freaked out in chem over a 90 bc I missed 7 points from completely missing a set of instructions, freaked out and went to the bathroom and now have to apologize for causing a distraction.

Um so one thing first I'm not formally diagnosed with bpd but this along with a lot of other factors and situations I believe I have it or something similar. I'll change the flair to person w/o BPD if I need to but I can't add more than one flair and I'm terribly sorry if this offends anyone or I misrepresent anything. I'm not saying I for certain have bpd but I'm not sure where else to take my problems again I'm sorry ;;

Onto the story. I took a chem test I felt really confident about, and I always double check my answers, since school is really important to me. Guess my mind failed me because I completely missed a set of instructions and lost 7.5 points. I got a 89.5 which rounds up to a ninety, which will bring my grade down. When I saw that I felt completely heart broke I would've done so well but I didn't I screwed it up. As we were reviewing answers I started crying trying to as quietly as I could. When my teacher told us to return my tests I asked if there was anything I could do to even get half credit, I wasn't expecting her to say there was but I knew I had to at least try. I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth properly but she understood me and said there wasn't. Which was fine I'm not mad at my teacher or anything because I didn't really expect her to have it but I knew I had to try. I would have been so much less disappointed if I just didn't understand the problem but I was so frusturated at myself because I completely understood the problems and I bet I could do it right now in less than 3 minutes. Anyways this was like the last straw for me and I went to my desk put my head in my arms and started crying. My teacher came over and patted my back telling me that it's okay because it's still an a, that I could have a chocolate, that I could have a tissue and go to the restroom. Once she gave me a tissue I assumed I could go the restroom so I got up and just walked out. I stayed in the restroom for about 25 minutes before she had to come in and tell me to come back but I just I felt like I couldn't go back and I was still terribly upset over my test.
Anyways I go back and keep my eyes glued to my paper. When my mom gets home from taking my sis to cross country she tells me that my chemistry teacher called her and told her what happened. She told her to give me a big hug but to her it was an overreaction because it was still an a and that I caused a distraction to class bc I just got up and left. Now this really hurt because I guess idk she's my favorite teacher and it just hurts. I thought because she told me I could go the restroom i could just go instead of asking her with my teary and nasty face but I guess not. So now I have to go and apologize for causing a distraction tomorrow and I know I should do it I just don't know how I'll manage to. 

How do I keep my emotions in control as to not cause such a scene in class? Is there any way to calm down or to get rid of these thoughts so I can a. Not cause a distraction and b. Go apologize to my teacher without starting to cry again?",2.8428009340025224,3.9908344679943113,4.1525779006414565,88.91555677822811,74.16358463726885,7.581620548055503,26.635416946241175,8.092016823424146,1.4661942027429604,2633,94,583,40,53,868,263,703,0.14,0.785,0.075,-0.9926,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,2,0,0,4,47,35,3,5,34,1,52,9,6,8,2,126,118,61,0,22,34,2,4,2,0,3,1,4,1,1,27,40,0,3,15,0,3,18,17,25,2,4,43,10,110,10,84,62,7,79,0,9,3,2,38,33,1,14,26,415,137,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395325621428835,0.0,0.0,0.03592168728452352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036935312359324284,0.0,0.13040734098363238,0.0,0.09876539745527367,0.0,0.0,0.16247157271449428,0.0,0.22540435388903315,0.0,0.04494877759203605,0.05951382307983712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326457812838427,0.0,0.05393854319330856,0.06041583655808616,0.0,0.2713206406553567,0.0558800968986718,0.09100527211816127,0.221537096890788,0.0,0.05924587521328248,0.33740115382440755,0.0,0.1740718985425527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361458518492482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054056623757195665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044127128194530574,0.059419155438972575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697786448825912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521560905047065,0.0,0.0,0.04493151189179175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039207421655964,0.05067296766591786,0.2401658028807692,0.0,0.1267429680713025,0.0,0.17457261591489884,0.0,0.04671151121549639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421199345953755,0.0,0.0,0.06259592041583474,0.0,0.0,0.05298612389724011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309697075853002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390363562905832,0.0,0.0,0.0580606600172333,0.043058077965020224,0.0,0.0,0.05739272097031072,0.0,0.0,0.05161363817403872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057662923088465975,0.044908520557088216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333652212960472,0.06186606546897769,0.0,0.0,0.03883123790669283,0.039167842407177536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056255140485300996,0.07158893388233606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612330902517142,0.0,0.0,0.09987027367792836,0.11910077356126818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516344271151386,0.0,0.05310205354491498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535995458342182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045110849634220934,0.05024709933050637,0.08401449126404789,0.0,0.05346004717082802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369601842046073,0.05937565513166272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04066599316199577,0.0,0.11826282429602017,0.1121659104569482,0.056302659429803135,0.12655437921689314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978537931846363,0.0,0.07943316585046861,0.0,0.13850980043228311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035093484502827225,0.0,0.0,0.08387167403346715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018998866465976,0.05868868203342829,0.1075907553969415,0.0,0.0,0.05499096704253219,0.0635399823584505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041928714048046815,0.0,0.0,0.04749453269570277,0.09793554358909888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091982141000366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504838012959217,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,queerfart,2019/09/10,"Just need someone Anyone? I'm feeling so lost and lonely in my bpd. Just someone to chat with? I'm 27, married to my best friend, a preschool teacher and I'm artistic. Also I love live music.",-0.18538461538461706,2.1113528974359,1.7706410256410263,93.94519230769232,96.94871794871796,2.6,24.448717948717945,3.1291,0.10821025641025583,149,7,29,0,6,49,29,39,0.122,0.593,0.285,0.8274,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,3,4,6,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424896678759439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120226216657904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182169075663074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819024458097516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332014189121998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342716025000925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677540528798231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310069238670725,0.0,0.2736732419184533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248381860527532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138446955259717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ManWithTheHands,2019/09/10,"I feel responsible I keep hearing about an ex (with bpd) of mine whom I had to cut all ties with at the end of our relationship, for the sake of my own wellbeing. Thankfully, things calmed down about a week after. This was all roughly 6 months ago.

Now I'm in a relationship that I am beyond happy with, but I still hear about the perpetual downspiral this ex is in via our mutuals, and I just feel  like for some reason it's my fault.

I'm a really petty person, amd would have thought that, after the things she did to me towards the end of our relationship, I would take some joy in this, but no, I fear for the life and welfare of another human being.

I don't know why I'm posting this, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I know there is nothing I can do about it, but I still feel guilty.",6.437954545454545,4.680469484848484,7.328901515151517,79.2533522727273,66.27272727272728,10.916666666666668,30.928030303030305,9.827888789773867,2.4648939393939395,615,17,138,11,8,208,97,165,0.11199999999999999,0.7909999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.5251,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,0,0,11,8,1,1,10,0,13,2,1,1,2,25,29,5,0,3,5,2,4,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,12,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,6,22,5,28,22,5,19,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,2,11,102,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188946634977244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560146852900193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739026772663328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635597776916109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742517648603122,0.2256914252745602,0.10629246975034014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773434049915105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838504885617535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33538439250712543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224748674941456,0.0,0.0,0.16353736071780514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050916766911224,0.07268913375701122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187592546699147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276380588417711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991385601385538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249548655715275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953158718523194,0.1529763876302635,0.0,0.4792201921106507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23764076121155536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186826237240163,0.0,0.0,0.13698180001703025,0.0,0.0,0.19769309657451736,0.0,0.0,0.11811915509009135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775760787637384,0.0,0.11934684199910045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425587120383775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138605742506536,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd1990help,2019/09/10,"loss of interest please help tldr: quick to lose interest in new relationships

I was diagnosed about a year ago with borderline personality.

Went to some therapy and kept running away from everyone supporting me because they would definitely leave me and give up (like many do).

Thought I'd find a sense of self worth dating people. I've been through seven girls in one year and I feel absolutely like the biggest pile of shoot.

Is it normal for someone with borderline to lose interest quickly and move on to the next?

I love my current girlfriend of three weeks but after the first week I already found myself feeling empty and bored of her, and everyone else in my life.

I'm so tired of borderline. Many past SI attempts. The mood swings are crazy. I'm a guy. Guys shouldn't be getting mood swings. There's so much stuff going on in my head I feel like it's part of whats detaching me from good relationships family/friend/girlfriend.

Any tips or suggestions to get interested in her again? I cant keep doing this.

It's kinda messed up my biggest fear is being alone but it's a fine line between someone being too close and suffocating and terrified of them leaving me (delayed text/call etc).

So tired of this.

Will it ever get better?",4.656465845464722,6.65253099148936,5.25155655095185,79.44105263157896,71.0,8.692049272116463,29.38969764837626,9.276330184999452,2.6935531914893613,993,40,181,22,19,319,153,235,0.16,0.6940000000000001,0.146,-0.8266,1,1,0,1,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,6,10,20,0,1,8,0,14,6,1,0,1,29,31,14,0,3,3,0,3,3,1,3,4,0,0,5,9,11,0,3,6,0,1,4,2,6,0,4,6,3,19,12,33,19,4,34,0,3,0,1,16,13,0,3,20,111,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800613235695296,0.0,0.0,0.11450840954410507,0.12200740624750335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518563701969512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387620422500897,0.0,0.0,0.06739728724690526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778269549475167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221763356344387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235997788402713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330534026801833,0.0,0.10000924070628643,0.0,0.21129257475426005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441246796055823,0.16770970654038184,0.07898518469452605,0.0,0.0,0.1010512425567376,0.09404358757106138,0.0,0.12122501952991845,0.08541956984340937,0.0,0.17329152072166354,0.10606070153285632,0.06283466982255605,0.09273377234879474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894660976155664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346803478574245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410706824917608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827217479115888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341374094057081,0.0,0.0,0.07809288384024174,0.16204434806815465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473801605009487,0.0,0.0,0.0997861044738291,0.0,0.0,0.22418409201638229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175094174990096,0.08127545165552097,0.0,0.0,0.1067810221583918,0.11758344974206035,0.0,0.1083268326054004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491935936738764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972737129262685,0.10554349812748562,0.07664944931364777,0.0965380702483827,0.0,0.12136336749613197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740343019037416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153397964993193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735686438192545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265665091631779,0.0,0.12546392288029828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264367540062083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777351116843699,0.0,0.2541484468803893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773715933056904,0.0,0.0,0.10249165320790678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853974428660336,0.0,0.0,0.14239601087972528
bpd,thedarksideofthegirl,2019/09/10,"He hit a beaten dog... ...and wondered he got bitten. And now I'm the asshole. Yes, his issues are valid, but he expressed them in a triggering way and I got triggered. I guess, am I the asshole?",0.9565384615384644,3.0255876666666666,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,82.58974358974359,4.925641025641027,25.134615384615394,5.985473137389443,0.7313538461538459,145,6,30,1,4,49,28,39,0.055,0.892,0.053,-0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,8,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6194676490138694,0.0,0.426619676060314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404207473247329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073955381442501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199759344574864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miss_my_rat,2019/09/10,"My S/O Struggles Greatly with BPD I'm sorry if this post seems somewhat unorganised

I do not have borderline personality disorder, but my partner does. We have been together for almost three years now. He is wonderfully kind and talented, and I love him so much. 

He has no contact with any of his family members, they all have autism and do not understand his problems. Moreover, they have been abusive in the past and cause him more pain then anything else. As a result he lives with my family who he considers his own.

In the past year and a half with problems with borderline have only gotten worse. The smallest hiccup will send him on a downward spiral and he has attempted suicide at least 4 times that I know of, which has always resulted in him ending up in hospital. Sometimes when he is upset he will disappear for hours on end, only to return clearly intoxicated from drugs/alcohol. 

Something as small as a videogame can send him into a rage, which if I am around, will get inevitably misdirected to me when I try to calm him down/try to talk logically about his emotions. In the past he has gone from shouting at me to hitting himself when he realises he was in the wrong.

I have tried to get him help but every hospital visit ends up with the doctor giving us a leaflet and that's the end of it. We have tried talking to our GP about getting help but no significant change of treatment ever comes from it. 

As I said before, I love him so much but it feels like I'm constantly treading on thin ice when I'm around him. All his misdirected anger and conspiracies that I am trying to control his life take a huge toll on me. I am still in grieving but I am unable to discuss my emotions with him as I know he will see it as a personal attack.

I really do not know what to do. I am unhappy with our relationship at the moment but I am scared as to what will happen if I try to break up with him or go on a break. He lives in my family home and has no where else he can go. He is on leave from a job that he probably wont be at much longer. 

Any advice on how I can better help him??",4.832027755679307,5.391029379474944,5.979644656589768,79.8316750640856,69.04773269689737,9.262300008839386,29.838327587730927,9.348350401419415,2.471557871475293,1646,60,331,32,27,551,204,419,0.149,0.718,0.133,-0.7667,1,0,3,0,0,1,34.0,5,0,2,3,15,19,3,3,18,0,38,7,0,5,4,58,64,34,2,5,13,0,2,1,1,6,5,2,1,3,14,24,0,1,8,0,0,8,7,11,0,2,6,5,51,8,65,50,9,63,0,1,1,2,60,30,0,8,23,234,65,2,0.0,0.09879622171847198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148172863262204,0.0,0.08911197203791829,0.08349687635160405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938203907600587,0.0,0.0,0.11340774839069465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861779996315798,0.14845860153566706,0.0,0.0948611617741609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095351088676642,0.0,0.0,0.07374623510024811,0.0,0.0,0.10501903423483484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565817831697911,0.08820905208234106,0.07182779946315118,0.0,0.09010831417507843,0.09352207283800412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556511081449494,0.08534689899698035,0.07296976498404666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931300642565655,0.18759120573141416,0.2954133493922837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542546193890673,0.07025448602741415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582060528571844,0.0,0.04216137761575086,0.05956943578254779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069385297018365,0.07998938248290645,0.09477792179352217,0.0,0.0,0.09193098387480693,0.0,0.0,0.07373605906811725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767130165645314,0.0,0.08364079559432762,0.0,0.08211629127818602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827456001765064,0.0,0.0,0.08683144348548237,0.1374767421936135,0.0,0.0,0.08829145255421578,0.0,0.0,0.05889647592756266,0.04073713495977405,0.0,0.14725892622279674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051435191127235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838901618125858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683434362502682,0.08872629045602408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23879794641056645,0.0,0.14561511499841226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985867442638897,0.0,0.08990188836745545,0.15957415754103235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341782649985067,0.0,0.0,0.08952304437836017,0.0,0.0,0.07931713164113267,0.0,0.08348177562986657,0.0,0.06644612900514581,0.075909521133048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641929579204411,0.08246875517557703,0.09334138813904193,0.0,0.0,0.06659044661186933,0.0,0.0,0.08717089973895302,0.0,0.09120839307271147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626942744594253,0.1340415527449738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048621790781667534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33967294522042274,0.0,0.0,0.08680552370388459,0.10030049918007228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904262233708793,0.0,0.0,0.08497526209802758,0.0,0.09116714508043916,0.0,0.10739292512382563
bpd,Three_Sharp_Knocks,2019/09/10,"Does anyone have any advice? Based around trying to figure if you're in an abusive relationship or whether it's just past trauma setting off triggers. So I saw my mental health caseworker yesterday and we were talking about my partner and how much he triggers me.
She then called my relationship an 'abusive relationship' and I pulled her up on it and asked her if she thinks I'm in an abusive relationship and she asked me if I think I am instead.
I said I wasn't sure, so she's now referred me to a women's counselling service based around figuring that out.
She calls it as she sees it and I appreciate her for that but she also recognises that I can't take her opinion as word and have to figure out these things for myself.

Basically what I'm getting at, is I'm not sure if I'm in an abusive relationship or if my past trauma is affecting me so much that it's hard to see him as a good, healthy, loving person.
Does anyone have any strategies for this particular scenario?
I'm 70% sure I'm in an abusive relationship, but that's not enough for me to leave, as it stands.
I'm one of those people that needs to be certain I've done everything that I possibly can before I can peacefully walk away.",5.370750000000001,5.820396241666664,6.285,78.5,67.83333333333334,9.233333333333333,31.833333333333336,9.21078282632365,2.662908333333333,958,38,188,17,15,318,124,240,0.138,0.775,0.087,-0.8682,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,7,0,13,2,0,4,4,42,32,27,0,6,13,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,18,12,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,5,5,33,6,29,26,3,22,0,0,3,1,30,13,0,8,5,132,51,1,0.0,0.5179813269042248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544054252569508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992179720983473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891769739945275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227327362745435,0.0,0.0,0.15567150661473647,0.16347998292918586,0.0,0.08214813035232738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440080820574331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856197307281524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530300452097512,0.08947643766672149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034380446747456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858100680158088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568121749475367,0.0,0.0,0.07333639186959984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832465244129007,0.0,0.0,0.09293939517505133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258111889876716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891356811528086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881139897961785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854967982040624,0.06483199959781588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924826908281732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693334352565595,0.060616471314377224,0.07634493422139284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856990874494426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5632352878564231,0.0,0.0,0.08317077794894928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393488676836701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472195679096381,0.0,0.06574029433297447,0.07027700062153552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808797813065963,0.11204973008593357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059362675960122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MentalChicken1,2018/11/05,"Irrational expectations I keep thinking if I make friends or get a gf with BPD I'll be happier. I'm tired of dealing with people who just /don't/ understand that my splitting isn't intentional. 
I hate having to sit here waiting in the street for over an hour for someone to reply to my text, even though I know they are at work. 
Idk. I'm exhausted, I wish someone who gets it would talk to me and love me. 

Throwing my number out here cause I'm cripplingly lonely and whatever. 
2033435724 hmu if you want someone to talk for hours about dumb shit or something. ",3.9408766564729873,5.868993036697256,4.397553516819574,85.10552497451582,72.76146788990826,7.780224260958207,30.45973496432212,8.515128840125781,2.3399777777777784,447,20,87,8,9,141,81,109,0.153,0.691,0.156,0.1022,0,2,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,6,7,3,0,3,0,6,4,1,3,0,22,21,7,0,6,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,12,2,16,19,0,9,0,1,0,1,10,5,2,4,2,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273329871229189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542285872447425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860872106847102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921831472900253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945357977872164,0.0,0.18860723176383493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820603278134714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35551158747056216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043638000507596,0.0,0.0,0.09919788569919692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629079788924112,0.0,0.1204849161957643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513572843378798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852802941350112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588102963186227,0.1389574469298362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29015755863808546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565688575298982,0.1773399870553382,0.0,0.0,0.2074577920355046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790649853288915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646336858006633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075656865007182,0.0,0.0,0.13140589299694513,0.0,0.0,0.1282217706756258,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ExcellentYouth,2018/11/05,"I got into a huge fight with my FP He's my ex (24) and I had asked if he broke up with his current bf who would he turn to and he said not you and that us talking wasn't healthy.

I freaked out and told him thanks for torturing me and stressing me out for the last two months.

He then wished me well and said goodbye and I threatened to kill myself and said peace and he  unfriended me on snap

I texted him to please don't leave and please don't abandon me and now we're gonna talk later and i'm afraid it's really over again and ughh it makes want to die I just want him to not hate me. 

What do I do I really love him",-0.1670811921891051,1.5660047122302174,1.5253083247687584,101.81073741007198,84.61151079136691,5.122507708119219,17.122816032887975,6.1826913282559595,-0.6891874614594039,481,10,126,4,14,156,85,139,0.163,0.64,0.196,0.0451,1,0,0,0,1,2,5.0,1,1,0,0,4,12,4,2,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,28,23,15,2,5,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,5,18,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,7,3,24,3,15,14,0,14,0,2,0,1,25,7,0,1,7,75,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506835100384214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214941675912554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266335218971678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637647051621656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351329152035692,0.0,0.0,0.13520818666181622,0.0,0.17563497603178962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970636355848702,0.0,0.11072114938722116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239780826017722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641562823373539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125242796568668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733480573155027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000633275204973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26664398673440143,0.0,0.15271306766110188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849823570207686,0.0,0.0,0.18042159574265987,0.16203328289139995,0.0,0.1995241358007014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567173898627346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491392543660024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907451331531496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783103042212245,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnxietyAnnie1913,2018/11/05,"I need someone to talk to. My boyfriend, friends and family do not understand BPD or why I am the way I am, hell I'm still trying to figure that out. If anyone would like to talk about this disorder with me, feel free to message me. I am reading and researching as much as I can to educate myself on BPD but I would love to talk to others that suffer as I do. Thank you.",1.4114285714285728,3.103380948717948,3.4300732600732613,90.31730769230772,79.25641025641026,7.021245421245422,22.68131868131868,7.957251820313856,1.0419318681318677,286,9,64,5,7,97,52,78,0.111,0.716,0.17300000000000001,0.6584,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,14,14,8,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,12,6,15,12,1,4,1,1,0,1,7,2,1,2,2,48,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369768072970962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934546824765775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451668764805466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846756999029477,0.0,0.09905218304347388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135071861067706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570612671808863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680607204134022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400796019016174,0.14525627804245658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959515432868548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598418906130474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644481939986266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723674546025677,0.0,0.1803570469600933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300224299881427,0.0,0.0,0.20393727883999688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554951350756474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767679535848441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783213907320652,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd________throwaway,2018/11/05,"I wrote a shitty song [possible TW?] I wanted to try to channel this into something creative.
>
Trapped in this place  
To escape from what I thought was real  
Armour-plated feelings  
A prison cell of my own design  
Darkness surrounding me  
Until she came and breathed life  
Into my mechanical heart  
  >
My heart is forever hers  
She freed me from this place  
Until I became  
A fucking disgrace  
  >
I'm a ghost  
Haunting my mind  
Borrowed words, stolen thoughts  
Nothing's mine except this disease  
A slave to emotion  
Until she came to save me  
She broke my chains  
  >
My heart is forever hers  
She freed me from this place  
Until I became  
A fucking disgrace  
>
I gave into a thought (She loved me)  
The other me took over (She loves me not)  
It made me doubt (She loved me)  
>
It made me break her heart (You loved her)  
Helpless (You love her not)  
Now I'm forever broken (You loved her)  
>
My heart is forever hers  
She freed me from this place  
Until I became  
A fucking disgrace  

Hopefully this inspires someone or helps with coping.",2.1805150501672266,4.89218606153846,3.0262653288740253,88.4664882943144,83.25641025641025,5.032329988851728,24.88851727982163,6.498293943080001,1.0165139353400217,802,32,146,8,23,253,95,195,0.177,0.621,0.20199999999999999,0.7964,1,1,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,0,1,18,3,1,9,0,4,16,6,2,0,26,28,7,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,5,2,1,3,2,6,0,0,11,2,45,12,22,17,1,20,0,2,0,9,29,10,3,3,6,97,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294631943103584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104716670125594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047070426938354566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25818788763299994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5515760280474834,0.06239802239708616,0.0,0.0,0.09246197899411428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575407218285995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041183570458027,0.17617298014831384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399701076580697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932488178677024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890479060561039,0.0,0.0,0.10494794418214001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595978470817304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887707674956629,0.07166724871490374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217154305987505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342932866005496,0.06320377975884947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490844055955249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,morbid_possum,2018/11/05,"I'm so tired of thinking about myself all of the time. I feel as though I can't escape myself, and I'm starting to feel really disgusted. 

When I'm doing ""well"" by taking care of myself (eating right, exercising, etc.) it's because I'm thinking about *me*, and about *me getting better.* 

When I'm not doing well, I'm self-destructing and ruminating on everything I should be ashamed about and all the mistakes I've made that've led to this point; wondering how on earth my life could possibly be fixable at this point, etc... so, I'm thinking about myself whether I'm trying to do the right thing *or* falling deeper into to the disorder. 

And, sometimes I feel like when I'm doing ""well"" I'm really just being manic; thinking about how I'm *totally* capable of doing all these great things, while putting together life-plans and day-dreaming about making a difference, meeting people, and being the kind of person I want to be in their eyes. It's only after I stop ""doing well,"" that I think how fucking ridiculous I am to think that I am capable of such things, and to think that I'll ever be a healthy individual. 

I feel like my life is physically paralyzed, with my mind swinging back and forth between hope and despair, imagining the best and worst of all possibilities... while not actually experiencing either. 

Has anyone here successfully removed themselves from this pattern of constantly being aware of themselves to the point of paralyzing their life? 

I feel so completely insane and stuck, and isolated. 
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bpd,inkstainedrose,2018/11/05,"Feel Like Two Different People I feel like there is a nice, pleasant, stable version of me. And then there's this awful, depressed, angry, anxious, just horrible version of me. My SO has been saying this forever and I finally get what he means. I'm so desperate to get rid of this awful version of me I've agreed to doubling my dosages on my medications and now I feel over drugged and awful. Does anyone else feel as though they have two versions of themselves?",3.7128409090909074,6.031094602272731,4.522727272727273,82.22909090909094,74.56818181818181,7.127272727272729,30.318181818181817,8.07648339933343,2.373745454545454,367,17,65,6,8,118,58,88,0.237,0.62,0.14300000000000002,-0.904,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,10,12,9,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,10,4,10,11,5,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262495682999164,0.0,0.1400343521357619,0.20520161768013456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249338047671922,0.0,0.0,0.20924088686553574,0.0,0.0,0.17525876753366196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322511304424048,0.0,0.167300976047461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050527546620607,0.2861477188588302,0.0,0.21938742409608744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092669806532224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568488585548727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181541613501018,0.0,0.2017522689385568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884290552533127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926377905947958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967655391211155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912719264494645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anunstablethrowaway,2018/11/05,"Officially received the BPD diagnosis today I'm in the UK, so we refer to it as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, but I will refer to it as BPD in this post since that's better known. My official diagnosis is BPD with avoidant traits.

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If I may speak frankly, I feel like this diagnosis is a death sentence. I feel like I've been handed an official, notarised document telling me I'm a bad person. As it happens, I already thought of myself as being a bad/evil person, but I guess I maintained a small hope that I just had really low self-esteem and my view of myself was warped. It wasn't warped and I wasn't being cruel to myself. I really am just that awful.

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I don't want to further demonise any of you who have also been diagnosed with BPD and I actually wouldn't consider you to be bad people. But for me, this diagnosis is a confirmation of every terrible thing I have ever believed about myself, and I can't bear it. Thinking about it makes me feel like my head is about to explode. 

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There is a wellbeing service I attend and I have a support worker there. I really felt like I'd built up a solid, professional relationship with her (less formal than patient/doctor but similar). However, over the year that I've been assigned to her, she would dismiss any negative things that I said about myself, but then referred me to be assessed for BPD for the exact same aspects of my personality that I criticised. That doesn't make sense to me. 

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It feels like so many life goals I had have just been extinguished. Completing a degree, being in a long-term relationship, being a mother... How can I do that? How can I accomplish any of that when I'm just this vat of poison? I feel so afraid and so hopeless. I really wanted to be a good person, and I think I could have been good if I'd just tried harder, but now I'm permanently stained by this BPD diagnosis. I'm so disappointed in myself and disappointed by my own weakness and cowardice. I don't want this to be who I am.",5.211124505217704,6.520482166246854,6.465587441525731,73.96113035264486,68.64735516372797,9.39938826916157,31.307034904641966,9.696096459569628,3.0990072688017274,1648,68,294,37,28,556,180,397,0.159,0.73,0.111,-0.9745,1,1,0,0,0,1,78.0,1,2,0,4,22,22,2,2,17,1,42,6,2,4,2,56,66,31,1,9,13,1,7,5,0,4,4,2,0,5,26,13,0,1,13,0,0,2,8,12,0,0,13,10,50,10,41,40,3,18,0,4,1,0,20,9,0,5,11,216,76,6,0.0,0.0,0.04746741415309267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367747432246274,0.03889885776272058,0.0,0.4216272619767753,0.4728412277400277,0.09923434711059452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184170100873645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480269092600528,0.0,0.043019750095770366,0.0,0.0,0.3675761292985557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05100003839974938,0.0,0.0,0.0388365471125754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937043847903743,0.0,0.0,0.05574775687905379,0.049786979108940255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054715517204094746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399932442732783,0.04098284377362037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297386614092427,0.13899894616871772,0.04670378952271659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159692656656888,0.0,0.0,0.05358446502584978,0.0,0.04301381392345403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049920555734760015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831231738279463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03435716647068233,0.11881971758997995,0.0,0.0,0.0430464931807044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493760495648868,0.04931518590888915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033722123712866245,0.2123608699780758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658543194961263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464481982349032,0.0,0.0,0.10444625387951928,0.0,0.0,0.04626952381876059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074404214766248,0.0,0.0,0.04023702844599874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055198177765872034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042515107642192816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463094740679058,0.06233544741254034,0.0,0.038616183532158184,0.0,0.0,0.04610677190561758,0.0,0.0,0.033024612935184536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607064339850252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03455376388122512,0.0,0.4728412277400277,0.031323746863826094
bpd,lampcountess,2018/11/05,"Acute hospital admission UK Anyone know the best way?

I spoke to my GP today and outright asked.  I've been voluntary once before when suicidal and discharge coded Acute Stress Reaction and I was let on my way.  I'm in a total mess again.  Historical (2007) diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder (I think DSM V version of borderline).  GP isn't in tomorrow but I'm due to see the student drs and there was talk of crisis team who I have never had a good experience with.  I'm not under a CMHT and have no CPA in place.  I have been before and it becomes iatrogenic.  I'd just like somewhere safe to sit and sleep until I can find a future again and then some therapy to help me get there.  Until then, I've hidden the sharps and all of the pills except benzos....I have an emergency risperidone that I'm contemplating though.",2.7303872853489217,5.324893540372674,4.667504567044208,78.46707343807088,79.43478260869566,8.260284983558641,24.998538545853123,9.007467420416297,2.4282339057362075,664,25,121,18,17,226,108,161,0.149,0.7709999999999999,0.079,-0.8661,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,9,0,12,3,1,0,3,22,22,16,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,10,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,3,9,4,17,15,5,22,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,14,76,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311149461911678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530134369675085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709574038070053,0.3191231468684617,0.0,0.19678557120401916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149085965782907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109292942296929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342578875655316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138544130607078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796892151625232,0.0,0.0,0.15727880326707774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568744603662782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305341728159817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917469357144407,0.0,0.09161042589925583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462323630568275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969750481465173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637309879001817,0.19591341127332365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942528932211555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765056170533093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479795991060094,0.0,0.0,0.20511112878283236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071756699741076,0.0,0.0,0.21443990528364174,0.0,0.0,0.12015213051148207,0.18423267348806954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777424276368448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976815808564124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CatchTheBandwagon,2018/11/05,"Therapist MIA I was supposed to have an appointment with my therapist I’ve been seeing for a few months on Sunday. However, when I got to the office it was all locked up with the gate pulled down and no one inside. I’ve called the office a few times between today and yesterday and also texted my therapist and gotten no reply. She’s usually pretty quick to respond so I’m freaking out a little bit. Mainly because I just started taking meds and if something is up with their practice I’m worried that I shouldn’t be on meds if someone legitimate isn’t overseeing it. Of course I’m just overthinking the whole thing entirely but I’m not sure what to even do next. Can anyone give me some guidance or point me to the right subreddit? ",4.413371212121213,6.030112736111112,5.412676767676769,79.57272727272729,70.94444444444444,8.56969696969697,29.06313131313132,9.095868883498916,2.5681055555555563,590,23,107,12,11,194,99,144,0.084,0.9009999999999999,0.016,-0.731,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,9,0,10,0,0,0,2,20,20,12,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,1,10,1,17,13,7,20,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,4,10,77,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301406716721026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378945187628503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920292781080574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766658936683385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617261024523228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748621368915444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611210105805087,0.0,0.0,0.13015559676967856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310516584331547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361528106594073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989507245721912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307258130100378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027476182724312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538390089948321,0.0,0.0,0.1655619723926848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897645709920892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968027110828495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378864806831859,0.12528284658570327,0.0,0.0,0.11518604333555894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533776395062969,0.0,0.12235792559421885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5668503889027342,0.10811519142324286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948932180812016,0.0,0.15425559025489072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923174748763668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168998120965849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526726143675224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,candycrossroads,2018/11/05,"Approaching my therapist about BPD? Hi! 
I've been reading about BPD and think I experience symptoms of it. I'm not really sure though if I might be misinterpreting things and the symptoms I experience are connected to the illnesses I have and I'm not even close to having BPD, if that makes sense. 

Still, I feel like it might be a possibility and therefore I don't just want to sweep my speculation under the rug, if that makes sense. 

I have a therapist but I'm not sure how to bring the topic up, especially since I don't want to make it seem like I have already diagnosed myself. She is the expert, I'm definitely not, and I'm afraid of coming across like I know better than her and can notice more things about mental illness than a professional. 

How did some of you bring the topic up? How did your therapist react? Or should I just wait and see if my therapist suspects something?",4.518291592128796,6.097685337209303,5.692093023255818,77.81855992844366,70.62790697674419,9.245796064400716,27.18425760286225,9.661875296680813,2.473870661896243,706,24,136,17,13,235,92,172,0.091,0.81,0.099,0.6542,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,11,7,0,1,9,0,17,5,0,8,2,43,36,17,0,7,12,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,2,0,7,9,0,1,5,1,0,4,6,1,0,0,3,2,19,6,17,28,2,10,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,9,4,96,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262602700462419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119114829776514,0.0,0.0,0.4323066792317982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855876028786467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161292511122502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557031119324446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384048659427602,0.0,0.0,0.05785187825458452,0.08173840470760127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287972707079825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676927964934185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911956015406265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153038407453855,0.2427533766225329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026272325081176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289862039672065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444639055611365,0.0,0.07329745302580866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117428279331267,0.1041595086141659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464562447425212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808258639603013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137230869014776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567037389736726,0.2378428773957433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5313805224457185,0.15202505289096546,0.07331278644445313,0.11241257720545184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497036780909058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Aoba-LLX,2018/11/05,"I feel like dropping out of university First time poster so I apologize in advance if I ever go against one of the /r's rules.

The last few months have been increasingly hard to pull through, with increasingly fast happening mood swings, daily dissociations, and indulging in unhealthy habits that I had under control. I am not in therapy right now and haven't been for a really long time. The last time I tried to reach out for professional help, they tried to institutionalize me without my consent. I obviously don't want anything to do with them because of that, as they would most likely try to do this once again.

 Study wise, I'm already fairly successful, I studied in one of the most demanding and competitive school of my country, I have two bachelors and less than 6 months until I finish my master degree. For the longest time, studies have been my rock, something that kept me in line and gave me a purpose.

But I feel like I can no longer keep going this way. I no longer care about my research, I no longer care about my major. I'm not getting anything done, I'm regularly ghosting my thesis director, and I am less and less going to classes. It's killing me. The only thing that I have lately found myself wanting is interacting with my FP, the only thing that I ever think of is how to make them mine so that they're as dependent on me as I am on them. Except I quite don't want that because a small part of me still know how wrong this is, and because if I ever drop out, I'll just crash and won't ever be able to go back on tracks. But neither do I have the will to keep going. 

What would you do ? 

​",5.9193651315789495,6.072102456250002,6.4290460526315805,78.96713815789478,66.625,9.111842105263158,31.529605263157894,8.841846274778883,2.409531250000001,1286,47,253,19,19,419,167,320,0.095,0.8240000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.267,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,5,6,15,10,1,0,11,0,29,0,0,5,5,49,54,21,2,7,9,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,15,0,4,5,1,0,9,11,2,0,4,8,3,43,7,45,41,11,48,0,0,0,0,10,14,0,5,25,185,57,6,0.10239801737253773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299875845860055,0.0,0.0,0.11094820904170488,0.1244247991291576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852968684214986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873775470708153,0.0,0.18726264289879066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880320636283176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148480835634488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478872360438124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704994764423639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035510285994472,0.14630632814206454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709970126702918,0.0,0.11227414074529347,0.0,0.0,0.05349873775484164,0.0,0.2909757651802478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055022858788953,0.0,0.0917285105454322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863523258724329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203212549082068,0.11328823469425454,0.0,0.05627527240844315,0.1669361020798786,0.11550942373991825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007949689373462,0.0,0.0,0.09061902309700627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835147172980494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346624106537844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905054659199197,0.13877509330630106,0.15575661288639514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088707420051044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891289589679262,0.0,0.0,0.06559879197993605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744734734288577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036322603502476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883099648787799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177518894661999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710105694120013,0.0,0.13605738547043042,0.06561251488159875,0.0,0.0,0.2388364295718769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856459664068336,0.0,0.10002798395910847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119101106241287,0.0812787799549368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870803466535512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548122719761125,0.11195615728680194,0.1244247991291576,0.0
bpd,atypicalPrincess,2018/11/05,"I tried to break up with my boyfriend I tried to end it. This is the second time. The first time I did we didn’t talk for the day or two and I came crawling back through his texts and he took me with open arms. 

This time I tried again. I just don’t like the constraints of relationships, the expectations and the let downs. The boundaries. I’m not cut out for it all, I don’t think. 

It was my birthday the other day and he gave me the silent treatment. He didn’t wish me a happy birthday and I know he remembered it. I feel like he did this to hurt me. 

I tried to leave him that night. I couldn’t formulate the “why” into words that made sense. Then he told me he’d never talk to me again if we split. ☹️ 

I want him as a friend. I don’t want to lose him, not at all. I can’t do relationships though and I told him that. So we didn’t break up. 

And I feel like a loser. 

That is all. ",-1.024725085910653,0.9668498865979379,0.8831185567010316,103.12835481099657,91.37113402061856,4.26426116838488,14.784364261168385,5.7366,-1.1390852233676974,674,13,177,5,24,219,94,194,0.057999999999999996,0.8240000000000001,0.11699999999999999,0.8322,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,3,0,0,3,6,9,1,0,13,0,16,1,1,1,4,37,30,13,0,6,5,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,16,0,0,5,0,0,2,11,4,0,3,12,2,33,5,19,15,3,24,0,3,0,0,23,7,0,2,16,117,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099503670088316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354229338027582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443324563381305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664656384623355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445999272014706,0.20430395221173053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162709180997447,0.0,0.0,0.11047360199718533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221535226610494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530735898561057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858348104856244,0.0,0.0,0.15140560311153306,0.0,0.14621680761600836,0.0,0.2095728513640589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996906471948374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530045169164773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028258595592236,0.0,0.0,0.1341862861128602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070351689629998,0.16197962377554573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298596472053409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162212103255954,0.14048679983134255,0.0,0.2501355910915857,0.0,0.0,0.2732658552501906,0.15886698259958182,0.3883228832386237,0.0,0.13968030442793852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686782343838905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290260973284297,0.0,0.16443126863532628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Thor1138,2018/11/05,"I'm so fucking tired of this stereotyping by hobby psychology ""experts""... why is this crap deemed acceptable? Just read this shit over at /r/legaladvice: https://imgur.com/a/FUg6aPS

Also this some time ago (don't remember which sub): https://imgur.com/a/eKsCjj5

I mean, seriously, I'm so fucking sick and tired of people who have no idea what this disorder even means making these generalizations and even getting upvoted for that shit. FFS, we know we can be difficult to be with, but saying people with BPD are ""abusive"" is just so wrong and insulting... /rant",8.205760368663597,10.6759851827957,6.593579109062983,71.45322580645164,62.76344086021506,10.905683563748081,32.640552995391715,10.914260884657429,4.135403686635946,454,18,69,13,7,134,71,93,0.276,0.7090000000000001,0.016,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,0,0,8,10,6,0,0,0,8,8,3,1,0,19,17,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,3,1,9,15,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,2,5,1,2,44,13,1,0.0,0.20136764623868902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065392715151332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591211684284088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405105748264705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947819571692823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245059695207718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142393865907577,0.08879392717893303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918573289383404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340224928498804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344558503718973,0.0,0.0,0.3702593625852816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356493471458304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999994749426206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252470108345832,0.0,0.0,0.13515420689787022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489105861161379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910151820900837,0.3906741413132817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335701022829126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581797056432048,0.0,0.0
bpd,KerrBearStare95,2018/11/05,"Lamictal and wierd menstrual cycles? So I recently got moved up to 100mg about 1 or 2 weeks ago. My period fell just after starting it and it only lasted 1 day and it was more sporting than anything really so it looks as if I missed one. I have been taking birth control with it but am not starting it again because of the interactions. Has anybody else had strange cycles? If so, has anyone talked to their doctor and given an explanation or plan of action? Its concerning because I'm always worried about an accidental pregnancy.",3.634599999999999,6.288633260000001,5.184000000000001,75.70700000000002,76.4,8.0,28.0,8.841846274778883,2.7776,426,18,70,10,10,143,76,100,0.08900000000000001,0.9109999999999999,0.0,-0.7643,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,13,15,13,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,1,5,0,11,10,1,15,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,4,11,50,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089247662505818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611277484747625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479977186060346,0.0,0.1939526040732592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873486004467156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643461255679862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200040777976176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412384733834294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968885652996622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850264501971867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921186250263304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979200523588824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25050093287841985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970949232509268,0.17925269569415367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098890607309365,0.0,0.2327152205682788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33364487393548803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772093800503355,0.18943851466288186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905612220221246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935440879366565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,turbo_buffalo,2018/11/05,"Why do I even have a cell phone? I am eligible to upgrade my phone when I realized, no one ever calls me or texts me besides my family. No friends besides co-workers who may text sometime to play games on ps4 but never to talk.  I literally have no on to confide in or just joke around with, without feeling like I have a large wall that I must tear down.  I want to have friendships like I used to have but it is tough being mid thirties and guy without kids or marriage.  Everyone looks at me like what is wrong with you, when the reality of the situation is I don't want to negatively impact others life so I just completely steer clear, and I know that if I get in a relationship (I've been in one for a year that took me two years to get over) and it goes wrong, my entire life is wrecked for such a long period, I am not sure if it is even worth it.  Being decent looking, male, mid 30s, good job would be a dream for most people but tack on BPD and things go to shit quickly.  ",7.481275314723589,4.9006799408867,7.9711986863711,78.08692391899291,64.86206896551724,11.189709906951286,34.87082649151615,9.444778638647367,2.8197864258347027,760,25,169,11,9,254,124,203,0.152,0.732,0.11699999999999999,-0.8213,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,11,12,1,0,8,0,21,3,1,1,5,34,32,15,0,6,13,0,1,3,1,3,2,0,0,3,11,7,0,0,3,4,1,2,9,4,0,3,2,3,21,8,27,24,1,24,0,0,2,0,14,13,1,7,12,120,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842425413101458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169363043512046,0.0,0.14730819214585672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125653801617678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056810620939094,0.1304937348431665,0.0,0.13784904789592706,0.0,0.0,0.1359978922486204,0.0,0.07294347942699726,0.10306119389843672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145688757201554,0.0,0.15074245536992936,0.0,0.081987731182396,0.12100058169054298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284260452963768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431583199002176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928292419097907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037938095523635,0.2114381835148796,0.0,0.0,0.12766781627133644,0.2422884155766393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126417136605676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551207362167786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001348719350048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548839889760984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808343353740774,0.0,0.16215714954656324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267934983871242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359657452448291,0.0,0.0,0.11595277239426653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584162738105682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028100015203706,0.0,0.0,0.1409235482975046,0.0,0.0,0.1245965236115011,0.0,0.0,0.17017957833990394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017451195406052,0.0,0.0,0.2781278986128816,0.0,0.10502485389977473,0.0,0.0,0.10247997578229676,0.3154569014418888,0.0,0.1858007035673405
bpd,Mistress_Impervious,2018/11/05,Am I the only one who feels like my BPD might be turning into psychosis??? Lately I've been hearing voices that are not mine? Are mine? Mainly inside my head but at the same time I don't think some of them are,1.518409090909092,3.2916185681818213,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,79.22727272727272,4.4,17.81818181818182,3.1291,-0.7526181818181819,163,3,35,0,4,53,37,44,0.0,0.935,0.065,0.4039,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,0,0,8,12,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,3,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392745596392036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767327815432702,0.22277517360175345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200329434615529,0.0,0.35146100396192176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517637583155284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523469576886695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308079342443265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130764400628949,0.2371647687152335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998114446424044,0.0,0.0,0.18183364908397406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33918721949106284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Substantial_Classic,2018/11/05,"I feel so inadequate and different from peers and I don't fit in I am currently on vacation but I didn't travel anywhere - I don't want to. I mostly wear jeans and nondescript forgettable tops - I love fashion but wearing beautiful things makes me uncomfortable. I rarely go out - I'm not interested in things this city (or basically any other) has to offer.

Nonetheless, people keep telling me to dress nicer, go out and travel more and not to ""waste your life"". I used to try and do all the above things although I did not want to. I felt like I \*\*had to\*\*. It was so much effort. Eventually, I just stopped and started doing the things I liked and wanted to. But it's very isolating. People think I'm weird.

I've only ever had a handful of close relationships. I try to build them but people just don't seem that interested. I initiate hangouts, treat them well, trying to be a good friend, help, listen. But it's all just superficial. I go no one messaging me, no one inviting me to hangout. My crush seems to like me back but is staying away - I know his friends think I'm a bit odd.

All I've ever wanted was to be like everyone else. But it's just too much work. And yet I don't think I'll ever have friends or a boyfriend if I keep being me. Breaks my heart.",1.3625037481259348,3.8158812569169953,3.110437508518469,88.3009486166008,84.25691699604744,6.4936077415837525,22.55813002589614,7.753152298057669,1.181501949025488,990,35,205,19,29,328,139,253,0.10800000000000001,0.66,0.23199999999999998,0.9922,2,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,2,3,13,14,0,0,6,0,19,6,4,2,6,53,44,22,0,5,17,0,3,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,11,12,0,3,8,4,0,5,10,1,1,2,7,4,32,13,21,34,8,24,0,0,0,1,14,9,0,6,12,136,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907599622523158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925111043531466,0.08941396160568188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695022656724508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149032280415148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713899558510936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31555217142764785,0.0,0.11111278367775597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879585803446277,0.0,0.11164930666253327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951840206111216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825784460935847,0.09753213143999656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377951633315963,0.0779416186578263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067142191212757,0.0,0.0,0.06390574718820721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213367383122351,0.2272387610912243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494937508657516,0.0,0.0776193821080723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096183694320258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759188093280144,0.08843797906268364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418466533576496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484374339126385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171819709872908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230525700384426,0.12394153006447978,0.0,0.0972172645749471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163591304780477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090113475010836,0.2235271341544057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368442801767799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004306289115413,0.0,0.0959451298461692,0.274345408446048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455181179038392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465494720691782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheEpicAlmaz,2018/11/05,"Who else has tried LSD? Has anyone have any experience with BPD and Acid? I'm curious of your experiences. 

Personally, all the anger that was directed towards others turned towards myself. I find that nowadays I almost never get angry towards others, but instead get angry at myself for handling a situation poorly and whatnot. Then again I have always been the type to always suppress my emotions",6.3682608695652165,9.150908942028993,7.022536231884061,65.1972826086957,68.27536231884058,8.078260869565218,33.23913043478261,8.841846274778883,3.559539130434783,323,15,42,6,6,106,54,69,0.034,0.867,0.099,0.5479,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,2,9,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,8,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23412797137897656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890990122935316,0.0,0.0,0.15899951728470044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348610769245187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944768057914159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531911256054246,0.2630059372609601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574241019098524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213699044450892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443132246748892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180329479379327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415477180925526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628133926343891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874234077510696,0.25431925877355416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,noluckycharms9,2018/11/05,"I feel like a horrible toxic person I've never been in this much pain and seriously don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend broke it off with me without much explaining which was sudden and I still don't understand it but as the days pass I feel like it's my fault. I tried very hard to be better but there is a voice in my head screaming that I'm still a toxic, controlling, jealous, needy, demanding person that people best get away from. That I might have felt like he wasn't treating me right but that actually I'm just too much. I'm on disability right now, don't have many friends or any hobbies and feel like shit a lot of the times. Who would want to be with me? I want to own up to making him responsible for fixing me but we've been on-off a few times now and I'm scared he's just drained and done.  I can't seem to stay in school (too much stress) or have the kind of friendships that I want and I don't know why. One friendship exploded a few months ago and the girl said horrible things to me, people like my therapist tell me it's on her, that she seems to be not well but I feel that the things she's said might be true and other people don't realize how horrible and draining I am because I try so very hard to not show this side to my therapist or friends that I have left. 

Yesterday I read some messages my mom sent my brother and they too said very hurtful things about me. That I'm manipulative and manipulate everyone including my therapist so I 'can get my way'. At that time I went to my brothers place for a few days because the same boyfriend left me, I wasn't well and couldn't be alone. My therapist called my brother to ask if i could come over and he said yes of course. Turns out he didn't want this and tells my mom how I manipulated my way there and him and his girlfriend 'are finally freed' when I was on my way back home. I don't get along with my mom and in the past when I thought we had a good day out she'd sent the same kind of messages to her sisters. It crushed me. 

My parents are very neglectful and invalidating and my brother sexually abused me when I was 9 and then continued on to cheat on every (there are a lot) girlfriend he ever had. I have huge trust issues and I'm bitter. My parents don't know about the sexual abuse. Still I feel like I'm the one to blame for how I am now, that they are right and I am a monstrous person. I don't know what I'm doing wrong though or how to be any way else and I am feeling suicidal. This is a bit much and I already feel like such a huge burden but I don't know who to contact anymore or how to go on. I hope someone here could understand ",3.432704731141936,4.107743611913357,4.515645069352082,88.65433593007792,72.26714801444044,8.069846095382863,26.492304769143075,8.288913261614885,1.3927263537906134,2067,66,474,31,38,677,222,554,0.184,0.687,0.129,-0.9902,2,1,0,0,2,0,36.0,1,0,2,3,33,36,4,2,22,1,52,3,2,10,3,99,99,49,1,10,17,10,10,7,4,3,1,6,1,4,29,32,0,2,20,2,0,6,18,15,2,2,20,17,72,21,51,66,16,63,0,3,0,0,50,26,1,14,33,313,101,2,0.0,0.14258306231052886,0.058717174670033324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053337014867095835,0.0,0.0,0.06231790394520284,0.06639901692291622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183523506275882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934481013338658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056250764703787884,0.0,0.0565316324177313,0.04626696415592354,0.0,0.07335806495857677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314463214866356,0.053215415790033166,0.06568998260110487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061440228659149485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183106918636246,0.0,0.0,0.06748569584406368,0.09608159033206967,0.0,0.0,0.1164138865159248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615747316771384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026425790972978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442714889482866,0.050695763383469886,0.057494949193224676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296608103952708,0.21492705961441652,0.05777257126990878,0.06591322015831334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297428144771867,0.0,0.09430891919506797,0.0,0.03419595935373085,0.05046768478154974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780088218848,0.0,0.061751709946729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060355348425730614,0.05976231966903583,0.0,0.0,0.06441315738875261,0.0,0.0,0.06280177706953291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531545135686975,0.16533910708226618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074961580438485,0.0,0.0,0.2057719286174441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230865011993548,0.0,0.0,0.040163897285263636,0.061002867684309035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766157997722727,0.0,0.21141089378517644,0.048027066203573186,0.0,0.22115911877288294,0.0,0.046406761434778745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154540717631245,0.0,0.0640250506579242,0.0,0.1336231792000044,0.0,0.057439009104532125,0.12514276563960447,0.15761419303820026,0.06286477312413441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060186215509589414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154154381215039,0.2289415389853018,0.0,0.06024059933357415,0.060895184182728684,0.0,0.10955289375860948,0.0,0.0,0.06176357122190236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098178869356365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413314236329742,0.14415535786786393,0.0,0.06892445458196919,0.0,0.0,0.0658161403671276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518234650367013,0.0,0.0,0.2794477177140453,0.11992268893355144,0.0,0.05911665335009784,0.04776820549429624,0.10525671484321246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170286925137389,0.06544760851523364,0.0,0.12527804383489827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858598383570805,0.14195914095488318,0.19104036749851813,0.0,0.0,0.10819999117979284,0.05577813040303626,0.05429400540148862,0.0,0.0,0.05800166792605915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427429938099713,0.06578637574177024,0.0,0.0
bpd,ewolamme,2018/11/05,"PARANOIA My car got broken into last night in the 4 hours between me getting home from work and my partner leaving for work. I’m now terrified to leave the house and keep getting panic attacks, is this normal or is it my BPD?",8.555333333333332,6.272946422222228,8.393888888888894,74.95750000000002,62.55555555555557,9.888888888888893,40.27777777777778,7.1686216300943375,3.2247777777777777,179,8,33,1,2,58,38,45,0.318,0.682,0.0,-0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,20,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596587221527557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28746335930456113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384945058705908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825463271541222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289457739888096,0.0,0.22477282443556565,0.2633611277978441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287236504742448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604804920794624,0.0,0.4833515701993649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419006548949734,0.2236291277307843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677933221538289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323264248746527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bellLe87,2018/11/05,"DAE feel offended when being referred to as emotionally stunted, yet deep down you know you dont have the emotional capability of an adult I read posts where they say people with BPD are emotionally stunted and literally want to scream. But then when i take a step back, I definitely know i dont have the real emotional capability of an adult my age. For example, crying when my s/o doesn't reply to one of my messages within a quick enough time frame and thinking that hes about to break up with me out of nowhere at all. or something as stupid as that... lol",8.66690909090909,6.694442781818186,9.080909090909092,69.14136363636364,62.09090909090909,12.436363636363636,37.45454545454545,11.20814326018867,3.950945454545455,446,17,88,10,5,150,78,110,0.127,0.812,0.061,-0.7421,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,8,3,2,0,6,1,8,0,0,0,1,15,14,11,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,5,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,3,12,0,20,13,2,19,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,9,62,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236098359135648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024639252509293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658062438462166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768047762758466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.723306058404765,0.0,0.16610176377197347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128200824037038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669229238951598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089310114080426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144652207530334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539578116243962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607974147239636,0.1829731458581638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783796335571662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375621551592222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086693607780245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300461612809136,0.0,0.0,0.09373689908796122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481682254279224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,io_hunter,2018/11/05,"Re: Meaningful Connections How can I make meaningful relationships/connections with people if I don't know who I am? 

I need and crave meaningful relationships with others. But most of the close relationships I've had...romantic, friend, or otherwise...I've cut out and shut off, either recently or a long time ago. I have a handful of friends that I'm holding onto as I transition into adulthood. But it's not enough. I need deep and meaningful connections with people in order to have any sense of self. I remember who I've been in the past, sure, but right now it's just empty and nothing and I can't stand it. 

So how do I make meaningful relationships without anything inside? This is awful, and being alone just makes my mental health worse. I should just see a therapist but I'm trying to save money right now and insurance is an issue. ",3.839261603375526,6.361036639240509,5.023063291139241,77.81075527426164,75.01265822784809,9.023459915611816,26.989029535864983,9.558583805096642,2.9052239662447263,671,26,118,19,15,221,98,158,0.094,0.7759999999999999,0.13,0.3839,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,6,1,12,2,1,5,1,45,21,18,0,4,13,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,8,13,0,1,7,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,12,4,16,18,3,20,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,4,7,80,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515709263734127,0.0,0.0,0.15791485026813473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368608436314368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547133854175158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754417612436938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355987413587282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620704433320833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914099471683998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379453956385206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493278648261964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053284252739403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365575989737906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261118850006044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630084927309606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555163039931565,0.2114095612661104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054755445671614,0.4910931076710315,0.17272087990871884,0.26042024829285315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150032136952607,0.0,0.1590613891736198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370291125743814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703156599822722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890756006383706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035183755189578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697741942507644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538183800850905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tombgrrrl,2018/11/05,"Hearing voices commenting on my life now ""Look at her! She's a waste!"" like a broken record",0.14833333333333346,2.4607282777777755,1.8277777777777795,92.645,99.55555555555556,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.10097777777777804,71,2,14,1,3,23,17,18,0.192,0.6779999999999999,0.13,-0.2924,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.684262714968609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42882327037172985,0.2966057164525457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098236838939071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,haylberry,2018/11/05,"To my love.. From all of me x love is unlike any other pain.. and loving you fucked any chance of my ever being sane. 
i was on my way to finding me, but now I know that loving you is all I’ll ever be.

the highs I feel, even when we fight, are unlike any drug I’ve ever tried.. the chaos makes me feel like I’m alive. there’s no room left for any me, loving you is all I’ll ever be.

and the void to fill when you’re not here, i fill with lighting fires everywhere. i’m at war, my love, my enemy.. loving you is all I’ll ever be.

",0.19361344537815128,1.2794329411764735,2.7350336134453777,96.64893697478992,80.93277310924371,5.432268907563026,14.421008403361347,5.6839178017228535,-1.035992268907563,396,3,102,2,10,138,66,119,0.132,0.629,0.239,0.9497,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,1,4,0,0,11,12,3,0,3,0,10,10,0,1,9,20,24,5,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,4,18,8,10,19,4,16,0,0,0,8,13,5,1,0,9,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30744458108947564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310735764895221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465220827113808,0.5111897087798565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429807277871415,0.08074536568175335,0.0,0.0,0.1033031645668205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449015758842643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941753668844125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211580192276851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280242375964714,0.0,0.0,0.05521849948623449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7140688306042235,0.0,0.07544532966954202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026699051858487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673682488824403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971429866322017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blondiexoxo91,2018/11/05,"Is anyone else BPD & pregnant, or experienced pregnancy before? If you could share your experiences with me, I would be so grateful. I feel like i am losing my mind 24/7. Paranoid thoughts, anxiety, insomnia, depression. I have no family or support system other than my husband, whom i suddenly think is cheating on me although i have no evidence but ive become incredibly convinced that every single thing he says to me is a lie and that hes secretly sick of me and sick of my neediness/craziness. I also have become afraid to leave my house and havent left since my first (and only) doctors appointment at the beginning of my pregnancy. Im 18 weeks now and terrified to go to the doctor although i know its so important to. Im scared theyre going to have me committed or something. Also i have a 9 month old daughter and im scared shes going to get taken away bc of my mental illness. I'd just like to hear if anyone else has dealt with these things and how you got through it. ",5.028310083698685,5.969398797927468,6.340932642487048,76.04387405340775,68.79274611398964,9.669031486648066,31.944599442008773,9.851270322608157,3.2067587883618973,780,33,143,18,13,264,123,193,0.188,0.711,0.10099999999999999,-0.9542,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,2,7,11,1,3,4,0,17,6,0,1,1,26,30,20,0,4,7,2,1,2,0,1,6,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,3,4,27,5,19,24,1,15,0,2,0,0,13,4,0,5,9,99,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367763575189784,0.0,0.13120528462288808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263656881864564,0.0,0.0,0.16934346296006925,0.24815020038278046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377178721773225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26747759015371275,0.10304206417975184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251363788031674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668369533384373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429807380155198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478896543406953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231697585896427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202690702233408,0.0,0.0,0.1184531556720009,0.11415663411656506,0.0,0.061228758434830714,0.08650956870693377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300248371754596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326661038260402,0.0,0.20646151074589936,0.0,0.0968499237722638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136481724504927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972620292855148,0.0,0.0,0.3924068582774865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665500885264843,0.0,0.0,0.12822104793565384,0.13156897149347965,0.0,0.0,0.118320810980677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547319712143613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203425756618247,0.0,0.12227040713510393,0.0,0.09665606534105728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706776944676385,0.0,0.0,0.09209743402876676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962987990400106,0.24247241256378035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017019762687568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322406752334347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741602173409634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608989287874269,0.07759213748666889,0.0,0.09613509956888104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713429231748293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602169420587305,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sexycaitiechat,2018/11/05,My partner of 3 years just broke up on me. The skills I’ve learned in DBT aren’t helping and the people who are trying help are just making me dissociate. How does one handle a breakup with BPD in a healthy manner. ,4.101060606060607,4.899487590909093,4.611818181818184,88.12106060606064,70.81818181818181,6.775757575757575,28.303030303030305,6.42735559955562,1.1102212121212127,170,6,36,1,3,54,37,44,0.062,0.7709999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.5859,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974518858978923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456416017278477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5294811924820285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636460706488908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26764243057392223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273823015702232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681592411945564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434824041267856
bpd,namelessunit88,2018/11/05,"Newly diagnosed, FP needs to go. Hello, i am newly diagnosed as of 2 weeks ago, after 22 years of misdiagnosis. I am starting DBT, with my S/O as a great help. My S/O is not my FP. My FP and i have had 0 contact with over the past 6 years, and yet i am still having major issues. I Love my S/O, and would give anything to have her be my FP, but nightmares about FP, day dreams of having FP back. Hoping and terrified that she will see me and love me again. Has been a barrage of triggers and disassociation. Without a long heartbreaking story This is not what i truly want or want to be. I want to love my S/O this way, not someone who hurt me deeply years ago. Please, any tips or go tos that help would be greatly appreciated.",1.2272556390977414,2.981927815789476,3.627180451127821,88.39526315789475,80.05263157894737,6.184962406015037,21.383458646616546,7.1686216300943375,0.507551127819549,556,16,125,7,14,193,88,152,0.07200000000000001,0.674,0.254,0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,4,0,18,5,0,1,0,23,31,11,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,19,6,16,23,1,19,0,2,1,3,11,1,0,3,15,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617941253097728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041799225246516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151659481579093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354609404107174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952323999580416,0.0,0.0,0.2997559082943467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416547511864198,0.16784406271040267,0.0,0.0,0.3256047301000583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795491001424373,0.0,0.0,0.1466657277616983,0.0,0.0,0.1580795835598232,0.0,0.0,0.15412501371501036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067982642839213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998231841807151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949252088958222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096397393677226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209300313259598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767074053279625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511698312153666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451880538574884,0.0,0.11792631538582884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612918244624426,0.11721045420510072,0.1184488154147879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234482337497706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209795480783564,0.0,0.0,0.2852763257207589
bpd,captainbacon_,2018/11/05,"Waking up early vs sleep meds Does anyone have the issue where they take a lot of psych and/or sleep meds at night and find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to wake up in the morning? What do you do to combat this and be able to wake up and work a full time job?",5.818154761904764,4.978596410714289,6.229285714285716,83.64904761904764,67.03571428571429,9.609523809523813,25.809523809523807,8.841846274778883,1.4646380952380955,213,4,47,3,3,69,44,56,0.096,0.904,0.0,-0.6759999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,4,5,5,0,0,8,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,9,4,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,3,30,5,3,0.2415144794135435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887253949729772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135094847214805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207398587802712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25207836907607833,0.2396658545224209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532697375788025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5365362821728716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266449782900892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48337779656440505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158883167116754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082903515403225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758254174366268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sourukyandi,2019/10/11,"Looking for support Hi there. I’m a 21 year old female from the US who suffers from PTSD, BPD, depression and Pure OCD. I don’t have many friends in real life and I was really hoping someone would be interested in being my friend. Preferably another woman. Thanks :)",1.9234285714285733,4.752351000000001,3.479714285714288,82.83700000000002,89.0,6.057142857142857,25.142857142857146,7.447530270364453,1.847485714285714,210,9,36,4,7,69,45,50,0.105,0.574,0.321,0.9168,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,11,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,6,5,7,0,4,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,1,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442760139617687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934015318519442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064575894908768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35996442440789295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313791369610293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645446121622794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562543857460826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361821119914874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24444947168558584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272314587215345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651563789253763,0.14923839509141926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973839424904075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643571541413435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144757593252596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802189176406128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654861637508679,0.0,0.0,0.1500168468076616
bpd,Silent_Preparation,2019/10/11,"Articles about dating someone with BPD? Hi everyone! I went to a therapist and was diagnosed with BPD. I started to look for articles online to send to my boyfriend about dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder but most of them are extremely negative in wording and connotations (ex. one of them said you’re likely to never have an emotionally mature relationship with someone with BPD) :/

Can anyone link me to some more “positive” articles that I can show my S/O please? Reading these articles kind of makes me feel like I’m undateable and a nightmare to deal with.. ):",7.420126050420167,9.08919067647059,8.024229691876752,63.48617647058825,63.803921568627466,12.495238095238097,39.0812324929972,12.031772070788634,5.6890879551820746,467,25,71,17,7,155,70,102,0.12,0.746,0.135,0.4122,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,17,12,4,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,9,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,3,9,3,20,9,3,7,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,2,6,49,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117691568537984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6007670646308458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392263575302946,0.0,0.16138226092749502,0.0,0.0,0.1822284614830389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885427284514205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151931886051384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039548022748053,0.11359005961012172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557465606277408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535932236517805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352045773559526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061341344126844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263106393271556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774292076933603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883319000354094,0.0,0.1745349105871767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590436267007703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707071388847487,0.0,0.0,0.15124598030622458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404162074365257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125414422592791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461195027046345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739514812114998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soggycephalopod,2019/10/11,"How to feel your feelings - my SO shared this with me and I found it extremely helpful Credit where due, this is a transcript from a post on Emily McDowell's instagram, [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/B3WFXFnFiBa/).

How to Feel your Feelings (a thing that sounds obvious but totally isn't.)

1. An unpleasant feeling arises.
2. Your mind launches into whatever inner story accompanies this feeling (""I'm unlovable... I'm a loser... I resent my face"" - just for example) **STOP! You are thinking your feelings**
3. Redirect your mind away from these thoughts & into the sensations in your body. Mentally name them (my chest is tight, etc.)
4. Breath into the feeling/sensation & allow it. Cry, shake, etc (if you're not, like in Target.)
5. Your mind will REALLY want to go back into thought-story-mode. When this happens, redirect your awareness back into your body.
6. Take deep breaths. Keep feeling into your body. Let the feeling exist and trust that it will leave. Observe it changing. Watch it move. Notice that you have survived.

And, her commentary on this....

>“Feel your feelings” is one of those phrases, like “love yourself,” that used to drive me insane. “No shit,” I would think. “Feel your feelings. Don’t numb out or bypass or self-medicate. Got it. Okay then: Here I am, feeling my feelings. THE PROOF IS THAT I’M MISERABLE AND HOW IS THIS HELPING?” A feeling would come up, my mind would hook into it and launch into the familiar spiral of criticism or start down the well-worn path of painful associations and memories, and I’d be off and running: feeling the hell out of that feeling. Trapped in the feeling for the foreseeable future. Forward my mail, hold my calls. Me + This Feeling, 4-ever.  
>  
>  
It changed my life when I realized that this process was actually THINKING my feelings, not feeling them. Feeling your feelings is... news flash... literally about experiencing and noticing the physical sensations a feeling brings up in your body, breathing through them, not judging them or pushing away, not using them as fodder to torture yourself with an old mental story. A miraculous thing happens when you do this: the feeling moves through you, washes over you, and then it passes. It doesn’t hijack your entire afternoon. It doesn’t move all its crap into your guest room and leave its dirty dishes in your sink and not pay rent. It comes, it goes. ❤️ 

​

I can totally relate to this. I'm a quiet borderline and my usual way of coping is to repress my feelings. ""Suck it up,"" ""forge on,"" or ""you're okay"" when I'm really so not okay. When I do feel my feelings it's like opening a flood gate--the feelings  are so intense I don't know how to handle them. It make would feel miserable, hopeless, and worthless. Sometimes the feelings are so intense they push me over the edge into suicidal thoughts, self harm, disassociation, or something else I know I'll regret. This little IG Post made me realize I'm not actually *feeling* ""hopeless"" and ""worthless""--this is just my commentary on how I'm feeling.

I've practiced mindfulness off and on for years and I feel like I really should have known this. I've just never actually done this when it matters the most. Maybe the flair is premature, but I feel like this was a huge realization. I'm not looking forward to feeling miserable again, but I feel like I found a new tool to face it when it happens again.",3.2848950521309668,6.226965537337662,3.8654152185842316,82.80250411560273,80.31493506493507,6.52237058715932,28.96826413023597,7.777084706406198,2.268574931406622,2665,125,455,47,71,839,284,616,0.168,0.718,0.113,-0.9953,2,1,1,0,0,2,166.0,0,22,7,2,28,33,6,5,28,3,35,18,12,12,6,143,108,46,1,8,21,0,38,6,1,7,4,2,2,1,46,34,1,5,49,0,3,15,15,20,0,1,9,43,62,13,58,90,6,80,1,8,2,1,39,41,4,8,31,300,108,3,0.0,0.0,0.12244373532672286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359501507326461,0.05082122052740756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859079592121374,0.06432075958825148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582990669193186,0.0,0.0,0.04270738580679488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848933307745394,0.07205602963494248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594213642079671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042800879473839926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034938917085612066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932905173547586,0.0,0.03783256177496611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8036115327922928,0.1195174309157586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171658554045656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023769768782196388,0.0,0.033450791186062916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095552899616212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606802366858386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037175445961695884,0.0,0.0,0.04597118981627864,0.0,0.0,0.08857199537377533,0.0,0.04276827984428402,0.029541808648943037,0.12259972709076306,0.0419190336751155,0.0,0.0,0.03512195991891285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03774815142209216,0.039575255918614966,0.027918109914306103,0.0,0.04201822858583664,0.0,0.046457476672982966,0.0,0.08429831038362981,0.0,0.21115359197022826,0.0,0.0,0.13335814566559698,0.0,0.0,0.0322575535262733,0.040394263456771225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523470688423936,0.04388766925864903,0.0,0.02834129397834148,0.0,0.04450410747845361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011242240585634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803813394968774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726393571945655,0.0,0.04293214271080728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03219846433303912,0.041365398294964655,0.0,0.02960352361938692,0.0,0.0,0.03496706884618817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574910218135237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031446741596943384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055572542128017634,0.08039815482508908,0.0,0.09961169868006517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224570102378344,0.04606366462851032,0.0,0.02466911311152213,0.03319825974563695,0.0,0.0,0.03760515600652048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884340713032485,0.0,0.05082122052740756,0.026933540541205826
bpd,PriestofSB,2019/10/11,"Daughter moving back into the house after diagnosis. What are the RIGHT things to do? She is in her thirties. Things kind of fell apart for her on the other side of the country, and she is moving back in with us to get things back under control.

Best plan I have so far are 3 things:
1. Love and support her
2. Pay for her to go to a real psychiatrist
3. Pay for her to go to a real, qualified therapist.

I will be glad to hear any advice you guys have. Things family has done right. Things family has done wrong. Things you wish people would do. 

We are all new to this. Thanks",0.6626739926739944,3.022373564102565,2.39407203907204,92.78326923076928,86.86324786324785,5.3941391941391945,16.04945054945055,6.868970318607317,-0.1707626373626372,445,9,96,6,14,146,72,117,0.046,0.7979999999999999,0.156,0.9458,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,2,0,3,4,7,0,0,6,0,16,1,0,1,1,11,24,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,13,6,20,19,2,20,0,0,0,1,15,10,0,0,5,73,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189404845967232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277176231391406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807786761164866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277345260779292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651601224607332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24911758613582785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948798903567025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359213068152401,0.0,0.1383491997085421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205190077585802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718395229126304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044512425323122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674956876481175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985438242114758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587319057315864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755507748662065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438327121468317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770812817562965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078913773803251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812305668034633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120606989361222,0.0,0.14132286692922796,0.5660437591695661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641061472270758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996859120950106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646429429843626,0.13307847780276366,0.0,0.0
bpd,Masterdan2015,2019/10/11,"Someone Help Me, But Don’t Make Me Ask For It... Just an average day.
Uncontrollably down, 
I have no idea why.
I mope around all numb and talk to no one looking like I’ve lost the winning lottery ticket.
Then once in a blue moon, someone will notice this and day “everything ok, you seem a little quiet”...
Face changes, voice changes, posture changes...
“Yeh, yeh, just a little tired, all good though”.
WTF?
Why respond with that?
Why say your ok?
Why walk around like a toddler having a tantrum and then react like that?
...
Come out of my slump sometime later and wonder why everyone ignores me...
Slump again.
‘DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200’
...
🎵 White Snake: Here I go again on my own...🎵
What a life!",0.6079914860681086,3.1095067573529427,1.517755417956657,96.93003095975234,91.72058823529413,4.0396284829721365,21.128482972136226,5.750287758089431,0.00996176470588228,533,19,112,4,19,165,96,136,0.18,0.6859999999999999,0.134,-0.7995,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,2,0,2,8,12,1,1,8,2,6,4,1,2,2,22,15,8,0,0,5,0,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,9,0,1,3,1,0,5,5,5,0,1,1,6,10,7,10,13,2,20,0,1,3,0,7,8,0,2,10,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231933364493512,0.1171943524737298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39784166971077795,0.1079862402458646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169320981415164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978651982230247,0.11266517213711932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248955848981035,0.10514572859529056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402593238429619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151578847534427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854522965598229,0.1837331816750624,0.25128660928163965,0.0,0.0,0.1052705351911353,0.0,0.13684486889561778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367854125991825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272279487848544,0.0,0.1335039382690506,0.08494694464652353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969102697692006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412271916010935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243365295947253,0.0,0.12398390143827125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075933987837953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316522177541404,0.0,0.0,0.14408247902441418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5655879382031024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594719529815866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Daemonryo,2019/10/11,"Talking with FP that I split on tomorrow night, need advice. Me and my FP have a complicated romantic relationship.  We're not committed because she wants time to experience other people and live it up a bit.  (Long story, she just got out of an abusive relationship).  Well I found out she's sleeping with her Male roommate which is a bit more than the casual random sex she hinted at so it caught me off guard and I split on her really hard.  We're talking tomorrow night and I wanna know how I can have a healthy relationship with an FP, because I really don't want to lose her.",3.937866273352999,5.674295451327435,5.596932153392334,77.29819075712884,72.36283185840708,9.270009832841692,27.59980334316617,9.725611199111238,2.7127844641101277,458,17,87,12,9,156,75,113,0.083,0.8109999999999999,0.106,0.3847,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,7,0,5,2,1,1,1,21,12,6,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,1,16,2,15,9,3,14,0,1,0,1,13,7,0,1,6,58,21,0,0.0,0.192143348921556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584693416718201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977130248591265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35409235972463715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863207119959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778095697832958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970109505616256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452712698460757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912365670277922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431979014524915,0.14351416456274846,0.0,0.18142525397053214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024600958548284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30436861126966425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242733273573607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777879755441905,0.0,0.0,0.5223253658888173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228578035224414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606900586993722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094561852152349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130255944211316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580910468376868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadCoconut_,2019/10/11,"I wanted my FP all to myself. I guess I’m probably a toxic partner. When I had an FP, I wanted him all for me. I know, selfish. I would be secretly envious when he hung out with his friends,and I would pray his buddies would dump him. I wanted to be his everything, all he ever needed! I’m pretty closeted about my possessive ways- meaning on the outside, I’m very laxed, and you’d never take me as someone who was on the clingy side. On the inside, I was having meltdown. You know the usually quirks: anxiety when I wasn’t getting a text back, and psychoanalyzing every little thing he said-looking for a deeper meaning.  

Who else can relate!?",2.9972942018611337,4.9244320078740165,4.9867430207587695,79.87384395132428,75.37795275590551,7.452827487473158,27.29348604151754,8.296473431620573,2.074612598425196,503,20,93,9,11,173,79,127,0.102,0.851,0.047,-0.6688,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,0,6,3,2,0,8,0,12,0,0,0,5,22,26,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,22,0,11,16,3,14,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,1,7,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407786429658001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415038875906416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537292975851064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646117374673067,0.1550490232936074,0.0,0.16538982945128242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614548194401927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272431585912207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227068578832316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844414234857799,0.0,0.0,0.15453467590070696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400914409251327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645222672627635,0.14193144662317156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721961199288192,0.19841010548686736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750499432393436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592380931136265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383639190989472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225805175107968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202677569833809,0.15183992102368835,0.3256281888808347,0.14607050182005596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921783005466098,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,official-kale,2019/10/11,"My dad’s making me feel guilty for my body mods and I feel so alone :/ Hey all, this is my first post here! I’m glad I found y’all. So I’m 20, and started getting piercings and tattoos a year ago. I’ve felt so much more at home in my body due to my body mods. I generally am pretty impulsive with body mods but have generally been happy with them. My problem is, though, I’m constantly anxious over the fact that I permanently modified myself and always wonder if I’ll regret it. 

While my dad tolerated the piercings, because they’re removable, he’s always hated tattoos. Even knowing this, I recently got a visible tattoo (a cute snail) on my upper arm. I told him on the phone a few days ago because I was coming home from college for the weekend, and he was really passive aggressive and told me I was desecrating my body and going down the wrong path. He’s told me these things all my life but this hurts especially because like I said, I’m very sensitive and anxious over my tattoos. I’m also worried because I’m at my parents’ house now, and am scared that he’ll yell at me or we’ll have a major argument before I leave and I feel impending doom. 

So I feel really bad and weird and guilty and regretful and overwhelmed. I feel disgusted with myself and my body. I feel so selfish and ungrateful for upsetting my dad when he still supports me financially. I’m spiraling and even looking up tattoo removal. I don’t know why I’m even posting this, but I don’t think my friends will understand and I really don’t know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to find some peace with myself and my body and not spiral like this? I feel like everything I’ve ever done was a huge mistake and I just don’t know anymore, I’m so sad. Have I ruined my life?",3.6383152790673705,4.9692635320334295,5.142630764469207,81.87463530382753,72.45403899721448,8.326875064479523,28.33807902610131,8.841846274778883,2.2130432477045296,1404,54,279,27,27,473,175,359,0.237,0.6579999999999999,0.105,-0.9955,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,1,1,17,26,3,3,11,0,23,10,8,1,4,62,62,36,0,5,7,4,8,3,1,3,2,2,2,0,12,26,0,0,17,1,0,4,5,18,0,1,13,11,50,8,22,46,7,34,1,7,1,0,20,13,0,4,18,169,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554413465369322,0.13705712324602154,0.0,0.0,0.08006740406014456,0.0,0.061822894699661374,0.1286523050127619,0.0,0.0,0.052571848676813616,0.0,0.0,0.17467126516633935,0.15333681864257695,0.05405530193515788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064548653308699,0.1885040881116105,0.0,0.0657831107725934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.601099550372428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659368972138306,0.0,0.08354209874646801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985703465507247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765243992867634,0.07911256009867673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318290858324415,0.06992918963121446,0.0,0.0,0.0694791252906211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736234722639436,0.055228596073250855,0.07422746136533634,0.0,0.07065778575374955,0.0657578421995068,0.0,0.08476384100996863,0.059727693717217374,0.0,0.04039005305391749,0.0,0.0439357154439437,0.0,0.0618299848177925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229542419952868,0.0,0.07632529305747357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509173972998438,0.0,0.0,0.08920264125385173,0.08275943144637732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699450367308881,0.0,0.0,0.08185763228709264,0.0,0.0,0.10920934994298782,0.11330582918836438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491895024181905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160345244276942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683001321721135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584098953501021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480787056281784,0.07864966619574712,0.0,0.07397297435159657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857576830040614,0.0,0.07633197164475196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353727238726625,0.0,0.07739843772518043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471874807859474,0.0,0.06173798408447863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772779788159069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135976331544997,0.04953561650767902,0.07595436737775818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216122993731935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047998344435214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378690232600064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975812396301402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383684181952564,0.0,0.07850966473301177,0.0,0.0,0.0845237723784881,0.0,0.04978358788254887
bpd,noushymousy,2019/10/11,"I think my boyfriend definitely has BPD. I’m saying definitely because he was diagnosed, but he said that he didn’t think he actually had it. But I’m really, really seeing it now. I myself was told that I have borderline traits, but I’ve been in therapy for a year and half and I’m getting more and more emotionally stable, self-sufficient and loving myself, and I haven’t even thought about ending my life in over a year.

My question: I want to know ways to support him through tough times but also how can I protect my own feelings with boundaries? I haven’t posted this to the other (not mentioned subreddit) because most of the advice given is to run away as far as you can. I need serious, helpful advice.",6.444565217391304,6.514686753623196,7.298369565217392,73.46103260869567,65.52173913043478,10.378260869565215,33.91666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.4128231884057967,564,23,103,12,8,189,89,138,0.023,0.8,0.177,0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,12,3,0,1,0,21,29,13,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,9,4,16,2,15,20,4,13,0,0,1,1,13,5,0,2,5,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.17289151782804016,0.0,0.0,0.3462552545303348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168209244942884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664562334431691,0.0,0.0,0.21600131932249025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313832217198584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982294162785198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929142943519373,0.156919266137985,0.0,0.0,0.11701854208433715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958203748666345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925635601280543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875273595436048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736752267262874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513979885714718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990206057877085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136866795819582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696790562988492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984699771398095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269981678292219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852841775635194,0.14089200640422478,0.0,0.0,0.1411808616319721,0.0,0.18482604591317944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010494337126602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026083451708079,0.0,0.0,0.2270456545807415,0.0,0.14065250241077235,0.1033087467911591,0.0,0.0,0.16929269995233276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449894552649684,0.14062861202389426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281822271540511
bpd,ilovemydogs17,2019/10/11,DAE find themselves getting so overly attached to people so fast that it scares them? i get so attached to people so fast. it’s absolutely ridiculous. i’ll get attached to someone and when they leave for various reasons i get unbelievably sad for days and then i find someone else and the whole cycle starts over. it’s as if i fall in love every single time.,3.979130434782608,6.168375826086963,4.6283333333333365,82.36250000000003,73.34782608695652,6.339130434782609,28.89130434782609,7.1686216300943375,1.7277999999999998,288,12,51,3,6,92,46,69,0.138,0.8029999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.5553,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,6,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,9,6,3,11,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,7,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427542269516129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491183902407746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864992586740708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046248499603849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462590752950848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343806264868665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977952041601246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069162846826665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758751757325715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161274173566514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37510297360777056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566746324919089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290725823920817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471324668263633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vpentecost,2019/10/11,"Spinel from Steven Universe I know it’s been quite a while since the movie came out, but I can’t get this out of my head. Many people have pointed out that Spinel has a lot of BPD traits, and I obviously identify with that. 

It’s kind of funny to me because I always headcanoned that PD/RQ had BPD, too. But maybe that’s because I identified so deeply as Rose from the very beginning so I was projecting. But anyway, through that lens, it’s interesting, as someone who wants to believe they’re recovering from this disorder. 

Anytime I want to “leave it behind” and tell myself that it’s over, and I’m cured, something else happens. It shows up again, I lose control of myself and my mind, and I’m eternally reminded that it’ll never really go away. So as much as I’ve grown, even to where I feel like a completely new person, you can’t just run away. Listening to “Other Friends” makes me cry because, I don’t know, it just reminds me how I tell less and less people about my BPD, only for them to find out when I lose it. 

“Why am I trying to hurt you? You want to be my friend. I just want to be a friend.” Fucks me up because I said that almost exact same thing to my boyfriend when we first started dating. I could talk about the similarities and connections I made all day long, honestly. 

I just didn’t have anyone else to talk about this all with. It’s funny and cringey and embarrassing to have you — the “bad” parts of you — personified. That’s why I love this show, though.",3.6758200245700254,4.943478922297299,4.487002457002458,86.85701474201475,72.27702702702703,7.814250614250612,25.61670761670761,8.296473431620573,1.4221337837837842,1155,36,245,18,22,372,160,296,0.109,0.76,0.131,0.7081,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,5,1,5,19,14,1,1,8,0,16,3,1,4,5,46,37,24,0,5,7,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,26,17,0,1,4,2,0,4,5,6,0,1,7,3,37,8,41,26,8,28,0,3,0,2,19,11,1,2,14,166,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205324156258676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480151956956933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126140094324085,0.1044240540173234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150516478722626,0.0,0.0850948435973067,0.2485059729843917,0.0,0.0,0.11482340712049585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38507546645119295,0.0,0.0,0.11656371307768873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068560334061356,0.0,0.11430644004669185,0.08137090688270363,0.0,0.1119489413844586,0.06572680216749206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680352325802505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702739613599282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731395611169162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153133197837289,0.07280816103902744,0.0,0.0,0.09314854639790017,0.08668892394241938,0.0,0.0,0.23621803839908284,0.094218858958127,0.053246428412269266,0.0,0.057920694583016324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012317797691093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459428538925536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091022122715986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612888367148836,0.11201973689205183,0.0,0.0,0.10791336549506683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049790565303436674,0.0,0.0,0.09019164803916974,0.0,0.2280338348675379,0.0,0.08664456545142872,0.09198234823512763,0.0964345228643406,0.06802911431316774,0.1033259055925719,0.10238740675771638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290518870991172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491931804098148,0.0,0.07860320068363466,0.09843022950807824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751101881877966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036411149212813,0.0,0.1413101829352968,0.08898832600347531,0.0,0.0,0.09634270242034912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108399243756301,0.0,0.0,0.06528941667927296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969445894159908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430521604882553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635232548004555,0.07845921581168096,0.0,0.0,0.0721360256320163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383097858779044,0.17815656242729147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770785760039884,0.0,0.10013105899564392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919365658838637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409062309989662,0.2404486436967903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392503465209334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thesinnersbible,2019/10/11,"Wellbutrin, Self Harm And Drinking (TW) I'm not entirely sure what to think or feel right now. I am terrified I'm developing a new FP. I'm so scared it's not funny. I am trying to hard not to bolt on her. My last FP was my best friend for about 10 years and then basically ghosted me after doing some interpersonal effectiveness skills I learned in DBT.

I have this friend, it's been about 2 years since I've known her. She's been there for me for everything and I'm deadly scared she's becoming my new FP. I just started taking Wellbutrin again and I was drinking with her and an old work friend. I blacked out almost an entire day not remembering they're contraindicated.

  
She told me I kept punching myself in the head at night and she held me till I fell asleep. I woke up completely disoriented not knowing where I was. She told me she knew how to deal with it because she did the same. I apologized and apologized like a wounded puppy. I'm so scared to lose her now that I've let her in.

Knowing she held me when I did that... it means so much. That she would hold me until I fell asleep to stop myself from hurting myself. Has anyone else had any positive responses to their destructive behaviour? She promises me she won't leave and part of me actually believes that for once. How would you react knowing your FP held you to sleep trying to punch yourself?",2.8274444444444446,5.000814262962962,3.874592592592592,86.5196666666667,76.74074074074073,7.134814814814818,24.50370370370371,8.109356740369918,1.4174637037037034,1081,37,219,19,25,349,150,270,0.139,0.7609999999999999,0.099,-0.9096,0,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,3,1,5,14,14,1,3,6,0,17,7,4,4,1,44,38,18,2,2,7,0,2,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,10,11,2,6,11,2,0,2,6,7,0,0,16,3,49,7,29,18,5,29,0,2,1,0,29,9,0,3,19,143,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.1184865383489726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158267553615705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256846290757723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489834968956407,0.12440717887409902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401533900231083,0.13409673799068578,0.0,0.13679660575333766,0.1274207916279863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273045543656873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830462158380867,0.1251767164649436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23788700223778694,0.0,0.0,0.1014292318367175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912274770241663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139263309955852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814219389675132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876675719887087,0.0,0.1246099865982122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998057358873447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018461612274333,0.09897194653376093,0.0,0.12856422296939013,0.0,0.12415822050105485,0.0,0.05931874434715542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583578204599422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225989190551382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925626464476925,0.0,0.0,0.2345326904661,0.0,0.11394264976138148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274078578079865,0.1293063002227718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148395634404736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754302376931582,0.10369038306163382,0.0,0.0,0.3646820605664493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666554526267906,0.0,0.0,0.1004382964414106,0.0,0.1215057739021936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594034706390605,0.0,0.0,0.10151095765103192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443511027298765,0.0,0.0912912909158026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779980763777404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204037117719103,0.0,0.16486982224835495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839381357255653,0.0,0.0,0.17250385100016555,0.0,0.0,0.15637853463194926
bpd,Giderah,2019/10/11,"Any other extroverted people find themselves isolating, cancelling plans, avoiding strangers...? I've noticed that although I'm mostly extroverted and find it easy to talk to most people, I tend to find it increasingly difficult. It happens largely at random. I haven't noticed any triggers or changes to my lifestyle that would cause anything like this and it doesn't seem specific to any individual type of person.

I want to be alone and spend time with myself and no one else lately which is not at all usual for me. I'll make plans with friends and although I do enjoy hanging out with them when I force myself to follow through with our prior engagements, I dread hanging out when it's the day of and end up cancelling. It's almost like ""well, that wasn't so bad"" once I'm actually with them, though. I'm not sure if this has to do with anxiety because as I said, I do have fun with the time I spend with friends.

As for strangers, it's hit or miss days there, too. Sometimes conversation will come easily for me and other times I'm avoidant. For example, some days if I'm grocery shopping and need help, I will approach employees for assistance and have a pleasant conversation while they guide me to what I need. Other times I will actively try to evade them so I don't have to be asked if I need help finding anything. Some days I will want to be helpful, friendly, and approachable. Then there will be times I find myself reserved, suspicious, and antisocial. I'll even slow down when someone is walking towards the same door I am so they don't hold it for me just to avoid interacting with them. It's like my personality does a complete 180.

I understand mood swings and identity issues are frequent with BPD, but it's almost like I'm a completely different person when I fluctuate between these states. I also rarely make changes to my appearance or try to emulate other people whether real or fictional, so I don't necessarily have issues with my identity. I'm not sure if this is something that's possibly a different disorder entirely or what other people with BPD also experience. I plan to address it with my therapist the next time I see him as well, but I only see him about once a month, so I often blank on all the things I want to say by the time my next appointment comes around. What are your guys' thoughts or experiences with stuff like this?",6.7272000000000025,7.171598742222228,6.905555555555555,75.23833333333334,64.91111111111111,10.222222222222225,35.111111111111114,10.082433333333334,3.509644444444445,1894,83,346,40,27,610,211,450,0.057999999999999996,0.836,0.106,0.95,3,4,1,0,0,0,45.0,1,1,6,3,22,24,0,4,11,0,30,0,0,4,4,86,60,44,0,11,17,0,0,5,3,6,0,2,2,4,31,31,0,4,8,1,3,10,10,7,2,1,3,4,49,16,55,46,8,46,0,1,2,0,27,9,0,20,31,237,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.07192897297986962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761705600181085,0.07633989295680907,0.0,0.11788950120343655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037315175779176,0.0,0.05638688663681163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213118150339998,0.06561629205312204,0.06890760254070423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154361243422789,0.04493208590087288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566683372224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571904877246158,0.15594787673581562,0.1269868857271944,0.15456415519904104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014382860986093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540196234863877,0.08447645547551999,0.0,0.06450290331059826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061574087468607736,0.0,0.06528395259555943,0.0,0.0,0.0486838432415157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442023327467056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33684168135103704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084127299185545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298311459830219,0.06518028240347454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821598728011376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386528222134105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083146525161146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005152394526566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840214209327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883351109232219,0.0,0.0,0.16396200611816292,0.0,0.0,0.15677989070914186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783548721240074,0.0,0.1569945329562632,0.049946863267681434,0.05605872106821879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440108387143227,0.19307855148000813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309538541134136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389653763152785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011376937064992,0.058616046923763536,0.0,0.0,0.11747244178515576,0.06710155230826499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062453067982446236,0.05674449080202984,0.07289970225885528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437872641757779,0.0,0.0,0.13893898951678674,0.0,0.0,0.059244190509602085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558137993566536,0.048968726784788696,0.0,0.07241833731570267,0.05851640481008422,0.3008605919430603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008661874119697,0.0,0.0,0.0767332648463602,0.0,0.0,0.08117962294053223,0.0,0.13042574772250404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254578895747526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236048335284138,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anise98,2019/10/11,"Breakup CW: Eating Disorder We broke up a year ago, I have BPD. We were together for 2 years and for the past year post breakup, we were still seeing each other. There was a 6 month period where he was with someone. Just last week he ended things with her and told me he loves me still. I feel the same things I’ve always felt. I feel a connection I don’t with anyone else. He was my best friend and FP. I find that I don’t have a closeness with anyone else. I’m also scared I will always love other people more than they’re capable of loving me. So where do I put all this? He said he made a mistake and shouldn’t have broken up with his girlfriend he just missed me but we can’t be together. I love him with every part of me. It’s causing delusions and dissociation because I’m convinced we’re meant to be together so I think this isn’t reality because reality is magical and we would be together if this was real. My entire sense of self was dependent on him and his love. Now i feel nothing and I’m desperately trying to ground myself and be ok. I’m falling hard back into my bulimia. I don’t know how else to feel ok except that feeling of full/empty I get from sessions. I’m terrified. I feel the want to create a tinder just to meet random people and get love from them. I don’t even like sex. I’m usually sex repulsed but I’m just craving intimacy. Im so lost. I don’t know who I am. I’m in my last semester of uni and it’s awful because I’m so scared of time and the future. I have no choice but to keep going. But i so so badly want to just stop and disappear.",0.8410760831278665,2.8582650449101834,3.2561465304684734,89.21441704825644,82.68263473053892,6.324621345544206,20.901373723141948,7.510576382923642,0.7293504050722088,1231,37,269,20,34,425,165,334,0.142,0.7040000000000001,0.153,0.5807,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,5,0,1,2,21,19,0,2,10,3,28,9,0,4,1,65,66,26,0,6,11,0,8,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,12,27,1,2,12,0,0,4,9,7,0,0,13,10,40,12,30,46,6,33,0,3,1,8,31,9,0,3,20,166,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401849012948841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579710043637848,0.1577323697280277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254750266232254,0.19423064091731865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288147791814199,0.07913897887895617,0.17333461214501264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994678211019562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937456261744507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736718344153968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862833950137347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698560904491564,0.23753450024778106,0.0,0.08394868518834893,0.0,0.0,0.06260259171744638,0.0,0.0798578905485129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875476459424392,0.0,0.09100554691879577,0.0,0.08662899576940065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322830840436162,0.0,0.09903932589475492,0.0,0.0538667730203676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849060205063189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238078317892356,0.0,0.0,0.0842465624255254,0.0,0.0,0.10417937465022736,0.15451989814463346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630567880901162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346570752171068,0.0,0.5132665251961486,0.08968498378443246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756540574651195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094584842520767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263962796268344,0.09048010713614008,0.13141975600331013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077491904507537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528205034717324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107882622696786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015935031889524,0.0,0.18978655678852965,0.0,0.07552895192194191,0.0,0.09887825711171187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803084484725508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138599391452934,0.07924196394101984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593784737262104,0.06073245385630643,0.0,0.0,0.05526812401701967,0.0,0.0,0.09056822608695443,0.0,0.06435073026539262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438893999207938,0.0,0.1118097133184943,0.0,0.076028372424333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673303860832172,0.0,0.0,0.18310942713771866
bpd,Sudadbetch,2019/10/11,">:( Hello friends, I was diagnosed with BPD last month and I’ve been feeling amazing ever since, I don’t know why, I suddenly stopped thinking about hurting myself and I stopped caring about what people might say about me and stopped struggling with everything a person with BPD might struggle with, I started socializing and going on school trips, charities, events, talking to a huge group without any fear and insist on my own opinions, everyone noticed the sudden change and everyone (including me) was happy with it! 
But recently and for no reason I started to think about killing myself again, I tried to ignore it for a whole week but I couldn’t, I tried to have some fun with my friends but I ended up leaving early, I’m scared because it happened before twice and It was terrible (I ended up in the hospital for days and got send to a psych ward afterwards) and this time something worse might happen and I don’t know what to do.",5.513397802197801,7.2342443485714325,5.438285714285716,80.04925274725277,68.37142857142857,8.127472527472527,32.89010989010989,8.617729084823388,2.8120549450549435,751,34,129,12,13,234,105,175,0.152,0.7170000000000001,0.131,-0.4456,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,0,6,14,1,4,6,0,12,1,0,1,1,38,25,14,1,1,4,0,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,7,17,0,4,6,0,0,3,5,8,0,1,5,2,18,6,25,16,3,29,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,5,20,89,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772796465771628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967625957310332,0.0,0.09726093789549202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879138646954223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653653537905034,0.0,0.12091431458680535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371408700940682,0.0,0.0,0.1160121613827259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202471865519068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033909538470356,0.0,0.21843722330416449,0.1027255295555218,0.0,0.0,0.12861935199251354,0.05779354789670805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661589551011225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495936177234922,0.0,0.0914162045974259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021503424440148,0.1216745460673504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236058507476087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645608849067205,0.0,0.1256326545598414,0.0931698095299723,0.0,0.12102726667441037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637629232325793,0.0,0.0,0.09123322250183044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013138315444106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924127431046388,0.0998024092078225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175195048923939,0.11285752629189615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089600045765983,0.11443430625863825,0.11567776937037838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455019605751636,0.0,0.0,0.11651452353217807,0.0,0.08799377529875588,0.0,0.0,0.16180435057226056,0.0,0.0,0.2866799205467441,0.0,0.2389824931802146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187006375026154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647773460951946,0.0,0.0,0.06664928788556086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552044844432738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168461877988776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313803167392024,0.12761194222755073,0.0,0.11018118518723384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648153257361765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hufflepuggles,2019/10/11,"Another boyfriend lost because of my emotions He couldn't handle the pill and tug, yet he's the one who told me to stop taking my meds. So yah I went from Zoloft to nothing and h didn't like me how paranoid I was after.he said I shouldn't take Zoloft. Well fuck him and fuck BPD",2.1125423728813573,3.7163260169491563,2.612000000000002,97.35291525423729,76.96610169491525,5.397966101694917,23.664406779661018,5.6839178017228535,0.1381294915254241,221,7,51,1,5,68,46,59,0.25,0.72,0.03,-0.9099,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,2,1,4,5,0,1,0,7,12,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,6,1,8,2,4,4,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,2,0,3,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24558159200350746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276758316120144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949696702507407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634461290740945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330326106890887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441944170972665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556595388562168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601460217067247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472347820554056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870157844310848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227800734969908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580365750624246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35218205154227206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379038882576344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105760456948404,0.21710793149706095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jmf337,2019/10/11,"DAE get really triggered from feeling invalidated? If I feel like people don’t understand me or relate to me, it sends me in a spiral. Like I guess abandonment has never been a huge issue for me but moreso the idea of feeling “emotionally abandoned” where the person is still there but you feel no connection with them because they can’t understand you and you can’t understand them.",8.009788732394366,8.20489585915493,8.284612676056339,67.28072183098595,62.23943661971831,11.607042253521128,34.651408450704224,11.20814326018867,4.116321126760564,310,12,51,8,4,102,53,71,0.14300000000000002,0.762,0.096,-0.6655,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,3,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,19,15,5,0,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,8,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,4,12,2,6,14,0,6,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,3,4,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526294315610806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311451714752645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156015233498397,0.1467999248147694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735845509662306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263670525238761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319697651425846,0.0,0.2144749983687708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007810975780966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848421091658346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245878438917908,0.1794232868991147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316402079511367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410215117176374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6417575146970068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashestoashleyy,2019/10/11,"I’ve been researching BPD... I know and have known there’s something going on with me but chalked it up to my personality with depression and anxiety for years taking various medications.....I stumbled across some facts about BPD and I really just wanted to ask the ones diagnosed how you presented your concerns with your doctors, therapists, etc.   I have extreme mood swings that scare even me sometimes. I have such a distorted image of myself where I’ll see people I want to be or look like and change myself(my hair is like hay from constantly changing the color).  I am extremely OCD about things, my relationship suffers from my actions as well, always thinking my bf is doing something behind my back to where I make things up that aren’t real and he’s never given me any reason to not trust him (he shares his location on our phones too)  I shop for things almost everyday I don’t need, I abuse drugs and the list goes on....are these valid symptoms of BPD?",5.589076923076924,7.1497011555555545,5.805555555555558,78.10115384615384,68.0,9.094017094017095,29.95726495726496,9.466822959209583,2.779021367521368,768,29,136,16,13,244,126,180,0.149,0.7809999999999999,0.07,-0.9587,1,0,3,0,1,0,25.0,1,3,0,0,12,9,0,1,4,0,11,5,1,3,2,27,23,10,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,1,1,2,4,3,1,1,2,4,25,5,23,20,3,15,0,2,3,0,14,7,0,3,8,94,32,3,0.0,0.1585466142730895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339944667686666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134319911757508,0.0,0.0,0.09099748060667606,0.0,0.1023666371933626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250971630085295,0.0,0.0,0.10289399597324246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055986561796705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831129837281816,0.0,0.0,0.1446043976360221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525300663619854,0.1358174558159509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696335385413413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551806857988723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492369520896571,0.08838227494953196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604905504900014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735401672822491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074861995153586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123692825023506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932126758116986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992207006208216,0.10320489384411036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067520368700993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276913854708664,0.11684041691276685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230857636852,0.08572408322974508,0.1375821290888538,0.0,0.14366516592157047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397023336922168,0.0,0.1066316970636651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603168747612,0.13234455416385013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908302250485882,0.1006107802196572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536729535732613,0.2666983861453433,0.08574201623016751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785283889116608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031402599961925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617123397585584
bpd,Ineedadvice145,2019/10/11,How do i let go of my FP Should not have gotten attached,1.0115384615384642,1.8242855384615453,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,78.23076923076924,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.4706307692307692,44,1,11,0,1,15,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4857930578552444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8740738555406237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,exuberantraptor_,2019/10/11,"DAE create characters for yourself when you cant figure out who you are i keep creating characters that i become, and i kind of convince myself that i am them sometimes. every time i question who i am i’ll try to drastically change everything. i have about 15 emails and cut my hair so often trying to figure out who i am and it’s so exhausting and i can’t keep up with all of these stupid characters i try to be.",2.8718991596638617,4.52107857647059,4.6939495798319335,83.03705882352945,75.0,8.151260504201678,25.084033613445378,8.841846274778883,1.888226890756304,329,11,66,7,7,112,55,85,0.11,0.815,0.075,-0.5767,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,0,8,2,1,0,1,14,10,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,15,2,11,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,2,50,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868608634008269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747689855933088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188409625024909,0.0,0.2334362945112066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617351818860807,0.0,0.2704777693545248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909666621016493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568881046537468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145565920306978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290363539140193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,javedz2398,2019/10/11,"""Time will heal you"" Sorry for the rant. 
DAE feel that the phrases 'time will heal you', 'it'll get better', 'youll be fine' to be crappiest phrases ever?. At this point I'm so used to hearing these, that it starts to piss me off. You don't know what I'm going through. This isn't normal for me.

I'm going through a hard break up right now, where my ex literally just used me to get from point A to point B. Not even a week later shes with another guy!. Like wtf i was the perfect one for her for a year now this other guy is all of a sudden?. People keep telling me whatever happened, happened. We can't change anything about that. Yes i know that. People literally think that it's okay to use others. I know i can't do anything about it and that's what irritates me. 

People really dont understand what I'm going through and just say its time to move on etc etc. I dont care about that, I don't care about finding someone else. Ugh. It's not as easy. Ffs leave me be.",0.6137328687572605,2.5939073024390247,2.4347038327526143,94.99398373983742,83.29268292682926,5.465737514518003,20.005807200929155,6.655083550727371,0.08138559814169577,747,21,173,8,21,247,111,205,0.132,0.7909999999999999,0.077,-0.8378,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,4,0,2,12,9,1,0,8,2,18,3,1,3,3,23,43,4,0,1,4,1,2,1,0,4,2,2,0,2,22,4,0,1,7,0,0,4,9,2,0,1,1,4,20,7,26,35,3,25,0,0,0,0,13,9,1,0,12,107,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220907318386752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181553073979207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103075828964282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376536656486556,0.0,0.12329064871150608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731830500168766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973595709890184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599601105193715,0.07697780490059393,0.105422900623988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058929366931234996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652130769871768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178137832731517,0.0,0.19870803254767752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23079853941337616,0.20612321165070235,0.0,0.10440269167961294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313562748674541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359180455671936,0.0,0.0,0.19215257762857535,0.0,0.0,0.12340582065125308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693868913986655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387038993489835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419073705608745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897486393879284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423958192505754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33052208689996304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466261485020234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995299976915842,0.0,0.0926823833886178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874939533320624,0.0,0.0,0.1304641646591146,0.08249214914945589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186669968953548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467823385309165,0.0,0.0,0.2038774474548629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132892346698836,0.0,0.3019760360735244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348650045999612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505206718003797
bpd,FucKy0uB1tch,2019/10/11,"I think I might be BPD... I don't know where to start, but I'll try my best. I'm a 19m who has been battling with depression and anxiety for a long time, and I've only been noticing that I've been pushing people away because of my emotions. I'm talking to myself way too much. It's almost like I'm hearing voices, but I'm not. I just keep having these memories replaying back through my mind over and over. It's usually a scenario where I felt like I could have done something different, but because I didn't I'm beating myself up. Most of the memories are usually someone who was talking down to me, and I keep fantasizing about me standing for myself. It's to the point where I'm now arguing with myself a lot because I'm all alone. 

Another thing that I should mention is that my emotions are about as stable as a guy tap dancing on top of a flag pole. I'm bipolar as hell, and I think I have ADHD because I can never hold still or take a slow approach to most things. When I seeked professional help this year, I was just thrown into bullshit. They did nothing what so ever. All they did was give me meds for depression and anxiety, and they gave me a little bit of therapy. The meds don't do shit, and the therapy barely did anything. I need a psych evaluation. The reason I'm posting here is because I think I have BPD, but not sure.",4.7103807486631055,4.906029432727274,5.951550802139035,81.20497326203211,69.21818181818182,8.94331550802139,32.17647058823529,8.841846274778883,2.5445422459893043,1054,44,215,17,17,355,146,275,0.135,0.767,0.098,-0.9065,1,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,3,3,16,10,4,0,14,0,28,2,1,1,5,43,50,18,0,3,9,0,1,2,0,2,1,2,0,1,13,11,0,3,6,1,0,3,6,6,0,0,13,3,32,4,27,33,8,32,1,2,0,0,14,13,2,6,15,150,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670141165010715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556878278721216,0.1091894093519592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054821979170612,0.16130100812566542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675651037702367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905107782222376,0.08106598856623526,0.0,0.3213331673941133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110637949153777,0.0,0.11509774794194215,0.0,0.2655603921510554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417398078071267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160629937288034,0.0,0.0,0.11014759823284384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788727086751876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717983373722276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953637376148457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122537078994458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113410361678712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043881890188606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882262066761165,0.0,0.07066474019810914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874147193887304,0.0,0.0,0.0579393025187995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301151228297692,0.1056644208298574,0.0,0.09329857979306364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962930691647515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342087560468475,0.0,0.0,0.11184019063693476,0.10645007790302656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750014690110511,0.07817194877097654,0.08131093233585615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011589682205007,0.12002805484275822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018112687069315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308902578449088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966152636816897,0.0,0.1009688436570142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839535580419793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821814333032176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932699983060202,0.08116198745728899,0.0,0.0,0.07462097533088956,0.0,0.08419323813347457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993626373688992,0.0,0.07926713586911069,0.16947464605270754,0.0,0.0,0.24112734680852202,0.0,0.14008053056541872,0.20265792697471652,0.0,0.0,0.06147467419188703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157724723670365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222340867851216,0.0,0.0,0.08368215058984735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789080550474201
bpd,TheWhiteWolf1994,2019/10/11,"Seeking advice on splitting/arguments/etc. Hi

I (25 f) was diagnosed with BPD last month, I'm also currently in treatment for anorexia and finding the whole situation very difficult. My best friend/housemate/""friend with benefits"" (32 m) has also been going through a very hard time at the moment as his mum currently has terminal brain cancer and the whole situation is being made more difficult for my friend due to the fact that he has also had to take over power of attorney for his brother, who has severe epilepsy and autism, which requires him to have a care worker with him 24/7, which my friend is now in charge of organising and keeping tabs on.

I have been trying really hard to support my friend as i care about him and his family a lot, i'm doing the vast majority of our cooking/cleaning, washing his clothes, buying him little presents, I'm even helping with the admin side of his online store even though I already have a full time job. But due to the BPD i seem to soak up all his negative emotions like a sponge, which is hindering my mental and physical recovery (i also suffer from severe IBS which is exacerbated greatly by stress/upset) and it's causing major problems between us.

Last night my friend and I had a huge argument, as my support worker came round to see me and when we got to the house (she picked me up as i was out at the time) my friend had left our living room in a complete state, there were empty food wrappers and tab ends on the floor and his weed and tobacco were scattered everywhere amongst other things.

This was quite embarrassing for me and i mentioned it to my friend when he came home from work. He started going on at me about how all the things i do for him are for my own benefit apparantley, that I'm not interested in anything he does and that I'm no fun to be around. He also found a comic he apparantley bought for me recentley (he works in a comic shop and in all honesty i didnt realise the comic had been bought for me) on the floor and started having a go at me because he'd bought it special, though I'm sitting in our living room at the moment and i can see at least 3 presents ive bought him that are either screwed up, shoved in a corner or completely ruined. 

We ended up shouting at each other for ages, at one point i told him i hated him and he punched the fridge. I had to go upstairs at one point as i was having a panic attack and hyperventilating but when i came back down he yelled at me again for going upstairs. This was particularly awful as i was abused as a child and i felt like a little kid all over again being yelled at (i didnt tell him this though as i didnt want it to go on any longer.

Basically i just wanted to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation, because at the moment i really cant tell if I'm just splitting on my friend and making everything worse or if he's genuinely not being nice to me. How do you support someone going through bereavement and all this stress when you have BPD? All i want is to do the right thing and to not hurt or upset anyone, but the things my friend said to me last night have deeply hurt me and i don't know how to manage the resentful feelings of being trapped and unappreciated I'm having towards him at the moment.

Apologies for the very long post, thank you for reading.",8.348239185750638,6.390388019847332,8.45416030534351,73.33798346055981,62.69465648854961,11.237150127226462,35.87913486005089,9.80755857964246,3.267380661577608,2623,92,509,41,30,862,283,655,0.109,0.7909999999999999,0.1,-0.6244,4,1,1,0,1,0,54.0,6,3,0,8,27,39,4,4,36,1,54,6,1,7,7,79,103,57,0,7,15,2,5,2,8,0,3,4,3,2,23,37,1,2,6,5,7,10,10,15,0,2,33,11,77,24,94,64,18,100,0,4,3,1,60,54,1,8,35,363,100,8,0.0,0.06928013473098889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057138471892862565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064525656328047,0.23380145575334266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03976318097687132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177040784015968,0.0,0.04811773510871822,0.05205275939435128,0.054663723646392826,0.06652070245337359,0.0,0.044961602849225936,0.0,0.07128836401151614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061363089723387186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209315107770162,0.06527444424649145,0.0,0.200630261927864,0.11923284926089285,0.060067176976888625,0.0,0.0,0.12261422475767655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934817139356788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051169519050930916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577348698847607,0.10357823553997064,0.0,0.06521209043168112,0.07724082843911192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255114862004375,0.0,0.055122497002275735,0.0,0.0295653606064693,0.0,0.056142594449514485,0.0,0.05344263884694783,0.0,0.07070495837709842,0.06411187803370233,0.4517556742599983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23261815856999804,0.0,0.046765653823990685,0.06446593642971446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475942262864216,0.05772930793463985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919276185271178,0.0,0.05865250195796396,0.0,0.0,0.06746920371008751,0.12519165039735974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058024752656639984,0.0519728824028979,0.0,0.0,0.03213485649512507,0.14298822878876732,0.0,0.0,0.0635303440125645,0.0,0.0,0.0571332415243556,0.11720924665623075,0.10326425516684123,0.0517461609393084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971107331821791,0.0,0.05532792058613237,0.03903072595235164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892634316809034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046672045941490096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974461783350686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924471117844825,0.0,0.0,0.06860466597966047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055047985388106,0.0,0.056000316889284134,0.0,0.0,0.055950110954292434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219250712301886,0.05848814090374298,0.0,0.07491772767367487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993503962712728,0.05562056393443871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318973316503804,0.0532310017527637,0.0,0.13211415050221506,0.0,0.0,0.19717600417153566,0.0,0.0,0.04954340483758958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277401451307939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395968419584547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990610787902488,0.0,0.0,0.04396390576339702,0.0,0.10221476547088756,0.05383345391744397,0.0,0.0,0.15538563813467118,0.0,0.17234626508526785,0.0,0.1022870356059193,0.0,0.0,0.055872805113175474,0.0,0.039698865334480686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033499840289563,0.0,0.0,0.1447373568733615,0.10346546341770677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056450856391774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513708703178093,0.0,0.0595882869258727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oldBPDman,2019/10/11,"What do you make of these notes about my therapy from my therapist's advisor? I was being treated by a student therapist for one year. My therapy ended quickly and poorly leaving me feeling abandoned. I complained about being referred away and got back these notes. Very little of this was discussed in my sessions, and I thought my therapist and I got along well so I was quite surprised and saddened to learn that my therapist was afraid of me manipulating or hurting her. I am working on getting a new therapist.

***Rationale for referral***

Context: Two interrelated issues were at play. The first issue concerned inconsistent follow-through on his stated personal goals for therapy. Client admitted that he might be manipulating therapy as means to continue sessions with A. Review of journaling activity indicated that his perception of A. was impacting treatment more than initially thought. The second issue surfaced when A. began feeling increasingly uneasy, vulnerable, and voiced concerns about her personal safety as more of his focus turned to personal interest in her rather than working toward constructive behavior change. Due to safety concerns, A. consulted Campus Safety for advice. 

Additional context: A. began wearing a ring to therapy hoping to deter any further inquiries made by him into her personal life.

Decision: Given his apparent distraction with A. and his inability or unwillingness to work on stated therapeutic goals, we discussed ethical issues involved in continuing work that did not serve his “best interest in care.” We concluded that he needed therapy services from a more experienced mental health professional in an outside clinical setting. Relevant clinical referrals were provided, discussed, and therapy services at the Clinic ended.

Additional point: Two or three weeks prior to termination, A. explicitly told him that therapy would be ending in a couple sessions. No specific end date was given out of concern for A’s. safety, as she did not want him to “prepare” given his obsessional style and potential for manipulation.

Follow-up: Continuing support has been provided by the Clinic, encouraging him to follow through on treatment with BBB Counseling Center.",8.851218487394961,11.722574633053224,9.18137955182073,51.94585084033616,61.77310924369748,12.607002801120448,43.84243697478993,11.966068795916392,7.015791596638656,1812,111,208,67,28,599,201,357,0.098,0.79,0.11199999999999999,0.6811,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,2,1,0,10,9,16,0,2,18,0,20,7,1,7,1,49,44,17,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,2,6,2,0,4,10,19,0,1,12,1,1,2,3,5,1,6,22,5,33,11,57,16,5,45,0,2,0,0,34,21,0,5,19,169,43,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781146066203014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719061069162255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519837708393407,0.05336005430157402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282520177789148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075227425085187,0.0,0.07341013458717728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678364724568032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458515676768943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017584549630794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059026890042135675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362557398580134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100217382662624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376306321990546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892435414566747,0.0,0.0,0.07428820193208252,0.0,0.0,0.2897191372550067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347871065264414,0.0,0.0,0.04901535752268196,0.0,0.06955147692572451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566271351066892,0.046321339193164314,0.0,0.0,0.07559090782658147,0.0,0.0,0.06993329134165016,0.07361655302099003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145511089241857,0.0,0.06702159941279992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702348029911645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237025424515904,0.0,0.0,0.06560019254484513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380954741235272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787480079331769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.634868878890413,0.40286156828390296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018289553100308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630937791114876,0.0,0.0,0.07548124256676368,0.1355766030055454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725769495753812,0.04093064894224073,0.0,0.05566404794341916,0.0,0.06239395117136067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020799659802108,0.0,0.0,0.049295831535986025,0.0,0.0,0.044687755400043376
bpd,whogoncatchmeboo,2019/10/11,Does anyone else talk to themselves? I do it all the time when i’m alone and i wonder why... I think it might be to process things or out of anxiety. What do you think?,-1.083333333333332,0.9959884444444498,0.65688888888889,103.17700000000002,95.11111111111113,3.991111111111112,15.533333333333335,5.6839178017228535,-0.9594933333333332,128,3,32,1,5,41,29,36,0.11900000000000001,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.4696,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144887156651073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322906002605707,0.0,0.0,0.21231839198517785,0.3111242122673199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657252248218054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25365971756351857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221235293962992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406150784786854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173085653940706,0.3891319469650142,0.0,0.0,0.1770601329128865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739959296776534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32929431169563234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veggiefriedweiss,2019/10/11,"Frustrated with So I have BPD or BPD tendencies (therapist isn’t concerned with labels, just treating symptoms which I’m content with) and my sister does as well and my mom is in my opinion, undiagnosed. She has never been to therapy but she has every classic symptom of BPD. My dad completely agrees but she refuses therapy. I’m exhausted because all my family just enables her (even me at times, I just want her to stop in an intense moment). She thinks she’s completely neurotypical and anytime I bring up that this may be abnormal she loses it and freaks out on me. It’s led to a cycle of continued abuse that I’m kinda just enabling because it’s easier to walk on eggshells than to argue about her symptoms. It’s exhausting and she makes me feel like her abuse is my fault because I’m “over dramatic” Also I’m still living at home because I’m 21 and in school at the moment so I’m planning on essentially cutting her off when I leave. Just exhausted from the constant abuse and looking for validation lol. Thanks for reading, I know this is so long.",2.491253196930945,5.189817588235293,4.123052003410058,81.30003836317134,81.45098039215684,7.469394714407502,28.47740835464621,8.456263369488248,2.6277462063086108,844,40,151,20,23,281,118,204,0.2,0.7070000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9795,0,0,0,0,3,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,14,13,3,0,4,1,10,6,0,2,2,32,25,16,0,1,8,3,1,1,0,1,6,0,1,0,9,11,0,2,3,1,0,3,2,9,1,0,1,2,26,4,29,22,1,26,0,1,1,0,17,13,0,4,11,103,35,2,0.0,0.4141962615220683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318658639784233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841350696775979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44028496851508403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435264981925434,0.12592427191438932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197354829574112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696497343857228,0.0,0.09817900914817622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098512691637493,0.0,0.05891954397077629,0.08324690011061091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688606522026078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404018254540796,0.0,0.0,0.12338525008415285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056929198006309224,0.0,0.10289546107516173,0.10312271327802833,0.09785331785183514,0.13036388779879998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778266616026668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647499442216238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898727931361614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655851709763995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179315281186873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305859934035723,0.09742177572244566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36334845891742334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072823902744334,0.2665175215268987,0.1352968088593282,0.0,0.07466578570751557,0.0,0.0,0.06794782101304273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687306338256128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477175226181963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cordelia17,2019/10/11,lithium? Anyone here take lithium? I just started on a low dose for depression (not bipolar) and I'm low-key scared of all the complications it has. Any reassurance lol?,2.029354838709679,4.843184193548389,3.5763870967741944,80.46458064516129,94.16129032258064,6.3509677419354835,28.780645161290327,7.554174236665415,2.5368012903225816,134,7,23,3,5,44,28,31,0.253,0.602,0.145,-0.6046,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506146542227114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605081707019848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440715589098845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161893135472093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649328570318589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876548414594713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheHuskyDragon,2019/10/11,"I’m angry Just as a tw, I talk about pet death in this. Idk if anyone needs this

I won’t go too far into detail, but one of my rats died because of my snake. The entire reason I had rats, was they grew too big to feed my snake (she only eats live)

This isn’t the first death. Not in the household, not of my rats, not of my fault. 

After the shock (and ranting to a partner) I’m just... angry. I don’t really cry that much when it comes to pet deaths and atm I’m not really feeling much now. My therapist has told me that this could be a coping mechanism? That’s not really what I’m asking tho atm, if anything. 

I’m just angry. I think it’s mostly at myself even tho it was a really weird situation that I didn’t have much control over. I’m not angry at my snake as she was just being... a snake...

I guess that’s my rant. I hope y’all have a better morning than I have.",-0.4707694235588989,1.4466082789473695,2.2227819548872176,95.2411403508772,87.26315789473685,5.0927318295739346,14.837092731829575,6.42735559955562,-0.6177117794486221,663,11,158,7,21,230,101,190,0.22399999999999998,0.723,0.053,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,1,3,12,5,0,0,10,0,15,2,0,2,0,26,30,10,4,5,13,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,13,4,2,1,3,0,2,3,10,3,0,2,6,1,23,2,18,20,4,15,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,5,4,107,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258397612302645,0.0,0.14426889745227195,0.0,0.16389539373127945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687009326062633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505143031226942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101792013931542,0.0,0.0,0.1966301213829965,0.1399743644439881,0.0,0.19257474840553504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194877457391628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939050294636152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579357519668193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864427986556128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912242591402966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963527165918047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312868917833745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741268579019272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548059172516102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38662899293282255,0.1299934818940233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879764378775855,0.1333345788096518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492438368801083,0.1802525067324504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706084573321192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409111559805971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355364928473027,0.0,0.11233445404672283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752051968013365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LitABellCheese,2019/10/11,"Compartmentalise people Does anyone else compartmentalise the people in thier life? 
Everyone in my life has thier own place, like I put them in boxes. My family is in a box, my uni friends are in a box, work friends are in a box.... my three best friends all have thier own individual boxes. The thought of mixing any combination of them is absolutely dreadful and it really sets me off on a panic - why is that? 
I’m not sure if it’s because if they don’t get on with each other it means they will judge me and leave me, or if they’ll love each other it means I’m no longer needed so they’ll fuck me off, or what if they’re offended I invite someone else along because they feel like I’m saying they’re boring. I think one of my friends I’ve way way overshared with and I feel like she’d possibly say something to upset someone. I dunno I just feel like something awful will happen 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve met all my friends friends and family, most of them, I get invited to everything, I’ve seen people come and go out of my friends lives, sometimes for weeks, months, sometimes forever - they mix like it’s no problem at all, it’s all really chilled and non serious. For me everything is super serious, even just friendship. Anybody else have similar? I’m just asking because the compartmentalising has started to really upset my best friend and cause a rift between us - I’m quite confused at my behaviour and only just realising that actually it’s not normal.",2.57168784029038,5.017430333333337,4.2659165154264995,81.98210526315792,79.0,7.299455535390201,25.61705989110707,8.326086129247049,1.9442776769509984,1155,45,218,24,29,387,143,285,0.122,0.691,0.188,0.9769,0,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,9,5,6,29,2,5,8,1,16,4,0,1,5,46,40,15,0,7,12,0,3,5,8,4,2,2,0,0,12,15,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,11,0,2,3,6,32,18,27,32,11,23,0,0,1,2,24,14,1,9,8,129,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.08552314507504255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959761108954052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061279314750064526,0.08979664150445321,0.0,0.0,0.08193075258437674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027199368327158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839437120845135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002952391554073,0.0,0.07549334712254349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669358992707442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963373299858752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788481631066831,0.0,0.0,0.08374294077613123,0.15752879124976085,0.0,0.16523673699731653,0.0,0.13293892640314264,0.18782822780473848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416781720295649,0.08102095997362843,0.09157565253568634,0.0,0.049807335063789135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749898986580388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279718055470232,0.0,0.0,0.12380421326355777,0.2140802511897809,0.0,0.07738695405762677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909773305523349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092940144356552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699527144066268,0.0,0.0,0.06498330160579881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586773612741001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938654003138216,0.06665350464520578,0.0,0.10282563169083124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822738059355244,0.0,0.09156423384159963,0.0,0.0,0.09879994676956673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385880785066227,0.0,0.08810152791985641,0.0,0.09321499842673796,0.0,0.0,0.1684316051149749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393883014620409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851269445871426,0.13493776201780586,0.1733546734764678,0.0,0.06203142460030925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259883927683398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615561335599984,0.0,0.06957567681723101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054190780973341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391277182236733,0.07029882072686035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908068000122015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380232765039309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nuclearrwessels,2019/10/11,"The few months I didn't talk to my FP were so peaceful. I miss it. My platonic FP is my best friend of like 8 years. We got into a bad fight over the summer and didn't speak for like 3 months. It was so peaceful! I didn't have to worry if all my friends were hanging out without me or if she wasn't going to initiate contact all week. I hung out with other people and it was just so stress free. 


I really miss it. I feel like I just want to stop talking to her again because it's so much less worry. We've always had issues over us needing different things from the friendship and I think I'm ready for it to be over because she's unable to provide what I need. Not that there's anything wrong with her specifically, we just have different needs is all. 


Anyone else experience this?",2.6389853704577644,4.060260883435582,3.923312883435585,89.26674374705051,75.13496932515338,6.733176026427561,24.194903256252946,7.321109707123232,0.8960933459178855,616,19,133,7,13,202,98,163,0.10300000000000001,0.667,0.22899999999999998,0.9714,2,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,3,0,0,1,9,13,1,1,4,0,14,0,0,0,3,28,25,10,0,6,8,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,1,2,0,1,2,6,6,0,0,10,2,21,8,20,14,7,15,0,2,0,0,14,6,0,3,10,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682284492207638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065732506519569,0.1561688478696301,0.12542589868378667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726151851979575,0.18582352435414773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995184846460447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184858735367929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732453560635806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490927093291356,0.0,0.0,0.07706642707929025,0.10888646999938464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355134184995919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662188253424638,0.0,0.12190150149744128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908336128214193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338919776832253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433149977818361,0.0,0.11204375937844256,0.33904499675655475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566649929905496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764199519768478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274271263601891,0.17459273321673754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24501342542365576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125883554972034,0.09766242135886558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833384377646549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989927658744576,0.0,0.12225942591586796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692419106917987,0.0,0.0,0.30957296985331983,0.0,0.0,0.16664365672301842,0.0,0.09815131170897803
bpd,nkoehler1,2019/10/11,"Trouble with staying commited While I have learned my lesson from past infidelity 100% I still struggle with wanting the rush of a new relationship. I feel like an addict. I know if I leave my partner ill regret the possibility of a good life but its so hard for me to accept and give real love.

Any advice or people that feel the same?

Thank you",3.4854228855721385,5.683305626865669,4.791865671641791,80.59635572139305,74.82089552238807,6.854726368159205,26.092039800995025,7.793537801064563,1.594006965174129,275,10,51,4,6,91,56,67,0.141,0.6459999999999999,0.213,0.8573,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,8,0,1,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,17,8,6,0,3,3,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,9,5,7,8,1,6,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459480611383279,0.0,0.22046335526150032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342244907194227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815025963732896,0.16117573723634873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642554648032825,0.0,0.1892308561767605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210213051613807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398928513604605,0.0,0.0,0.2388882783620885,0.0,0.0,0.15935492427525852,0.1102215871912258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362171737287005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178954197016955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215370150579386,0.1564094779250862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434123154350285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567934259863995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242220569790118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047010460740564,0.18017233476483865,0.0,0.0,0.2358564227848169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077112579805898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307054752604142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,michaschm,2019/10/11,"Do you also obsessively listen to one single song sometimes, over and over? I doubt most ""normal"" people do this, but I can sometimes listen to the same single song for hours on end.

​

My current example (had a strong earworm):

The Midnight - Los Angeles (Synthwave)

 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7EPO9Rtyqw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7EPO9Rtyqw)",14.4,18.972645666666672,8.756666666666668,53.655,50.66666666666666,8.966666666666667,34.91666666666667,9.516144504307137,4.075566666666666,304,11,30,5,4,80,39,48,0.059000000000000004,0.841,0.1,0.6174,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,4,1,6,5,4,6,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22771318718565106,0.0,0.3085247650931795,0.3460004650337302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522025585969387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28041980913122466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278992967552559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295288059592045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740868269620174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5632468837951121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460004650337302,0.0
bpd,dryft3r,2019/10/11,"I almost just want to tell people that I have disorder where I can't trust people Like it's true right? 

I've had some weird shit going on where even someone without BPD would be questioning shit and having a hard time believing people but for me this is just unbearable.

I think I've been doing really well but then shit like this happens and I really struggle to keep it together.",4.162400000000002,5.978801706666669,5.0183333333333335,81.34750000000003,71.93333333333334,8.733333333333334,24.5,9.2995712137729,2.0922,308,9,57,7,6,100,55,75,0.267,0.621,0.113,-0.8640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,3,1,1,0,9,3,3,0,1,15,14,5,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,1,6,5,5,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,3,4,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535195466068826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729416303774075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205506808675035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069647765170606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566152725183185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995216502183119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485324303777906,0.0,0.15686826591716674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556498829925844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711042749046601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642071982980672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961684042609438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243657655175116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495468928380823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392577936880718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837401370671496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306777842070304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305785969618466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220635079256967,0.0,0.0,0.10211071869043213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328711519145113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744903607514868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880420425421272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439637195835328,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kkangree,2019/10/11,"The struggle Hello everyone, first of all I’m not a native English speaker so I might fuck it up with some words and my grammar will not be the best for sure, i apologize beforehands for this..

This is just a ramblings of how I feel about this disorder ( I’ve been diagnosed like 4 months ago)

I’ll be honest, it sucks, it sucks so hard it makes
Me not wanna get out of the bed, the breakdowns, the anxiety over an answer, the emotional roller coaster.. but I have to keep fighting, I don’t want any of this shit, nobody wants it, but sitting and crying over it isn’t a solution, so all i have is the fight, the fight against myself, thats how i feel about bpd, a Constant fight and i lose most of them. Every time i have a trigger i like to say that the “head burns” because it feels like that, a fire out of control, or like trying to stop a train being an ant, and the worst part is that even when I’m the ant, at the same time feels like I’m  the train, because when the trigger start some part of my brain knows everything i think and I do is wrong, I’m conscious about it, but I ain’t stop a train only with consciousness, because the other part feels like it’s all right, it all feels justified, i keep accelerating and i run over myself and then the breakdown happens. I mistrust friends, family, even my mom and god it can be overwhelming, until all of the sudden stops and I’m able to realize how stupid my thinking process was, but it’s too late. All of this makes me deprive myself of things, for example it’s been 2 years since the last time I had a date, and even when some part of me wants affection and love, I know it’s gonna be hell not only for me but for the other person too, so what’s the point? All that said, somehow I’m terrified of death, i never wasn’t even close to do something like that, I thought a lot about it not gonna lie but I just couldn’t, for me life is only one and if I lose it I lose everything, and that is objectively a good thing, because you know being alive is better than dead, but even that doesn’t feel right, because I feel like In a cage, where I’m forced to fight, that’s why fighting it’s all I have, I can cry, I can break down to pieces, i can lose every single round, but i gotta keep fighting, and i hope you who read this too, for your loved ones, or if you don’t have any, just do it for the sake of fighting, because we deserve to win after all of this. I didn’t choose to play the game of life on hard, but I can’t change difficulty now.
Have a good night",5.077255094043885,4.300631948863638,5.634932079414837,87.09136363636368,68.52651515151516,8.873667711598747,28.623563218390807,7.990435384864732,1.5090984064785795,1951,55,449,21,29,632,224,528,0.21600000000000005,0.638,0.146,-0.9927,0,0,1,0,12,0,64.0,1,4,1,9,28,43,14,2,37,0,41,9,3,9,11,101,83,39,2,8,21,1,12,8,1,5,3,3,1,1,40,20,0,7,19,4,0,1,15,23,0,3,8,15,50,20,53,63,23,43,1,6,1,3,25,15,5,12,33,305,90,1,0.06976401365996464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184158878984278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948838431974814,0.0,0.053369279497370435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551649712057026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321302823852917,0.06170060076980319,0.0,0.0,0.08786533299965082,0.07787971158908723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380107607414649,0.0,0.0,0.07539011464651445,0.07824627347413879,0.0,0.0,0.1532649862795232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080900534391328,0.0,0.0,0.07995560372501398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784751253879336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303923653116181,0.0,0.1175583808115138,0.06666250472322134,0.12539879413601446,0.0,0.0657673032403996,0.0,0.28219825184438285,0.19935770119275115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934123438020303,0.0,0.0,0.05389950389657035,0.06449570646629793,0.03644881773385395,0.0,0.0,0.11702948945353835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169208688031346,0.0,0.12498970638109234,0.0,0.0715980049335519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929140686460919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602838241133546,0.0,0.0,0.1150214322628216,0.056866982411738064,0.07869684611498634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855277203005697,0.2726653852625113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31219234536765483,0.0,0.059310869628964716,0.12592949219412874,0.0,0.09313604168894117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400859377756155,0.0,0.08170676962789361,0.05568497011586968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380630814958437,0.0,0.0,0.06546880087598382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454780232571328,0.1591760282257748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021905133609601,0.0,0.0,0.0609152458044315,0.0,0.0,0.06594954263067686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978289279284419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915617296303052,0.0663615527890045,0.05547914378487852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161175748613892,0.057709513020947865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053707746076770035,0.0,0.0,0.04937932794193068,0.0,0.0,0.174977517736426,0.0,0.0729324944687188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575175725132833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269622148996637,0.08940392601179611,0.0,0.055384834130066174,0.12203987217738547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473651858449879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344586833974268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295117122993918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627599719883163,0.0,0.044925737493982515
bpd,Layla-bg,2019/10/11,"Why I abandoned my dying father I’ve finally let my father out of my life.
He is currently with cancer, he is going to die in a couple of years. What I did might seem cruel, but I would like to share it with you.

Backstory- My father married my mother for her apartment, he came from a little village and he wanted an easy way out. My mother is also BPD.
During the years, Ive heard screams and fights every single day, and my father picking up his things and threatening to leave. My mother is unstable, but she is mentally ill, and I understand exactly how and why, and I cant blame her. My father threated her like shit, always insulting her. He said he wasnt leaving because of me, but we all knew he didnt leave because he didnt have where to stay. He is pathological liar as well- he would lie for everything, even without a reason.

My mother had impulsive buys all the time, leading to a lot of debt and credit cards which she cant cover. They wanted to take all her property, so they agreed with my father that she will leave the apartment at his name, so they dont take it, and they will divorce. So they did. He bought a little house near town, and once they were divorced, he left and never called us for years. I was still at school, and my mother couldnt provide for me. I got a job, which was physically heavy( maybe the time to say I am a girl) in order to feed myself, until I got my first salary I would stay hungry for weeks, without a single piece of food. Near this time, she jumped with knife on me, because I made her mad and wanted to kill me (fortunately for me I was stronger, so I was able to take it from her).

I left home, I moved to a bigger town. I was hungry and there was nobody, no family, no friends to help me. I got a job and rented a small room. Over the years, I studied a lot, changed profession and I am one of the best in my country in my field now. 

My father decided to contact me again. I kept talking with him, although he didnt deserve it. Last year, they found he has cancer. He stayed at my home, going to threatment in my town (the capital, it had better medical treatments), and I helped him a bit with the money, I talked with him and was there for him, although he never was there for me. It was convinient for him to have a daughter when he is dying.
He would cry on the phone to me, explaining how he would die and being scared, not caring how I will feel about it. I listened to him and I helped him as much as I can.

Recently, I found out he wanted to sell the apartment, therefore, chosing himself over me, disregarding his word. My mother’s apartment, which she left for me to be sure “i wont end up on street”. Dying man, he once again chose his comfort over me. And mind me, this is not USA, most medical treatment here is paid for from the country.

I called him on all of his shit, and that he brought nothing but pain in my life. I had anorexia growing up(13-19), and I have BPD (about 4 years now since diagnosed), and still try to repair the damage he has done to me. I said that I am done with him, and he clearly doesnt care for me or my future. I have been nothing but good to him, although he didnt deserve it, and I am not going to be there when he dies, and nI wont mourn him. He was never there for me, and when he had the chance to make things right, he still chose himself over me. It might seem cruel, but I learnt to survive without him. I dont need him, and I wont be there when he needs me. He simply doesnt deserve it.

Sorry for my English, not my native language and I am also very angry, so it is hard.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think I was right, or it was over reacting? It’s just that, I know he is dying, but this doesnt make him a good person or good father.",3.865509677419357,4.19373256387097,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354841,71.10322580645163,7.593548387096773,25.951612903225808,7.327094020958105,1.0796709677419352,2887,81,632,27,50,950,291,775,0.149,0.769,0.081,-0.9959,6,0,0,0,3,1,119.0,2,3,7,5,34,31,10,1,29,0,80,14,2,11,10,117,119,61,9,13,18,15,2,2,1,14,10,6,4,3,27,43,2,3,12,0,8,9,28,16,1,2,42,8,130,15,92,57,13,92,0,3,0,0,117,45,2,10,35,455,157,5,0.05595296040762287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949112444545641,0.046557345357346035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232521598365377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871917992446931,0.04948584651144472,0.061086141075432226,0.0,0.14094158981433105,0.0,0.1142684569843833,0.06399528066758803,0.11409554440980375,0.0,0.05919081301347785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191088644871896,0.06146169965916329,0.036085030589994065,0.0,0.0,0.05679107701317344,0.4064923734894724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451860989983875,0.13115290576365873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955771520263399,0.0,0.0,0.0369564026442973,0.0,0.04714278237481655,0.0,0.050286912946657034,0.0,0.05274747138635417,0.0,0.028291497980445224,0.0,0.0,0.061293733167453,0.0,0.04759355953914094,0.06765854182395599,0.12269906611699848,0.043229118413609983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539807050839202,0.14079206555906465,0.13425208151455395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012286224376911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251226977033124,0.0,0.11225076282876152,0.0,0.0,0.06456220392213027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104935904228126,0.0,0.06190366057025951,0.0,0.03075028374369955,0.04560913067435717,0.0,0.23698442440789635,0.18237916559710454,0.0572156929458451,0.07904246132306106,0.05467158032393181,0.1121591313971211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513841208352364,0.0,0.05294404402367705,0.07469807110789274,0.0,0.05621226931849279,0.0,0.0,0.11273344212138595,0.05638742381414631,0.1187144976389492,0.05649653961565866,0.0,0.0,0.059469141943600624,0.041131863929741316,0.08297682232973075,0.12946311737085808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737674914160272,0.0,0.0,0.1191761534540762,0.037915174046202316,0.0,0.059537894850741985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885596682164428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752896225143269,0.05524679818708783,0.0,0.0,0.0955670449326566,0.10644815689331212,0.044496039903528926,0.056018674440894214,0.05662738311850349,0.0,0.10187494741774672,0.0,0.0,0.11486981958555655,0.046284867051124425,0.06289347183530976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626347582399942,0.0,0.17891523304875734,0.13405231937673925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052735003008097685,0.0,0.12620898838407568,0.08994574023035352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434532130339243,0.035852397747685776,0.0,0.0,0.0978798635264195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03798838726799324,0.0,0.0,0.0582490050714678,0.0673045220640646,0.0,0.0,0.04616705220434755,0.13201002295852804,0.04441285557564074,0.04488208980845134,0.0,0.05030843108685934,0.0,0.10097768768323068,0.0,0.0,0.16180997144070008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384842662282864,0.0,0.0,0.21619123207585264
bpd,Dysfonctionnal,2019/10/11,"DAE GET THE EMPTYNESS WORSTE WHEN THEY JUST WAKE UP?? from the moment i open my eyes, feels like a knife is twisting in my gut",2.823076923076921,4.085766692307693,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,74.38461538461539,6.7384615384615385,20.69230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.1478307692307692,98,2,23,1,2,30,24,26,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,3,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473248199603254,0.6320212631432489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622129506189561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322138552411215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,masuraus,2019/10/11,"I can’t stop obsessing about this person and when they can’t talk I get extremely depressed and suicidal I recently got into a new relationship after previously being single for a year. However I have tried to get into relationships with certain people but because of my ex and the feelings I had about her if I’m not unhealthily attached I don’t feel like it’s love. Recently I met this girl and have had the same feelings I had about my ex, fully obsessed, haven’t really known each-other, been abusing drugs too numb my pain hurts to much to be sober, have been very suicidal feeling like my BPD and life are so much more unmanageable. Can anyone help or relate explain",5.562480620155043,6.8850376511627935,6.465116279069767,74.24015503875972,67.83720930232559,9.76434108527132,31.38759689922481,9.994966539143718,3.2753317829457367,543,22,95,13,9,180,89,129,0.22399999999999998,0.645,0.131,-0.9293,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,2,4,0,16,5,0,0,1,21,27,10,2,1,4,2,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,7,4,14,4,12,18,5,9,0,2,0,1,13,2,0,2,9,66,17,0,0.0,0.18794585751430484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091497931180397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669693020200816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978387939606565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662433135299587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839557861001722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32082426360623245,0.22664487558436594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575106376250562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686769366566444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632365631741474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698124013393283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204222671914926,0.15499329082661026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316614768318006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23321670639589345,0.0,0.0,0.1532019680365283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878923559789186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109971287466685,0.13850609456203392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101619870005491,0.0,0.3132480534828093,0.34060989479795456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326184290855492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34702217049151474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749756081255462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769663362528772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088305306922818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214993575808533
bpd,EmbarrasingBody,2019/10/11,"Im being weirdly defensive about BPD Hello there friends! 
It's me back again in this sub with yet another weird feeling and sensation I've been dealing with that I don't know how to explain bu I need help understanding and moving past, before it causes me or others harm cause I don't want to become one of ""those"" borderlines. 

""Those borderlines""  that physically hurt their children, that emotionally abuse their spouse, that are manipulative and all around JUST NOT A GOOD PERSON apparently. 

Borderline in the mainstream apparently is synonym to horrible person did I get diagnosed with horrible person disorder? Am I a horrible person? Why does it make me feel kind of offended when people say someone is acting BORDERLINE or has a BORDERLINE PERSONALITY  I get it , I have it , it's a bad thing, but why make it an insult, why insult someone calling them by a mental illness. 

Am I justified to get upset. 


Why do I feel offended/defensive of my mental illness why is this a thing, why do I feel the need to defend my demons , it doesn't happen with any of my other mental illnesses just with this one , why is it? 


Do I get to be offended , do I get to ask people to use other terms to refer to deranged abusive people other than my mental illness? 

Is it bad that I want to distance myself from them?",4.895490870032226,6.7200434040816335,6.3442534908700345,72.54439312567133,70.06122448979592,9.402792696025779,30.44575725026853,9.811843763644266,3.2884693877551032,1034,43,174,26,19,351,125,245,0.257,0.706,0.036000000000000004,-0.9954,2,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,4,0,10,15,5,1,9,0,21,5,0,7,1,36,42,8,0,4,6,1,4,0,1,0,5,1,0,6,26,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,12,0,2,2,5,25,3,27,38,2,11,1,1,0,0,21,3,0,2,6,126,51,0,0.0,0.20064461174275475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757976683893898,0.08878582559896141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537590493561071,0.07915675720054402,0.0,0.0,0.06510743218127475,0.1413949290667274,0.0,0.0935134146315494,0.07204951462733303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664124084467773,0.0,0.08645943371487544,0.0,0.0,0.17396264383447055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729296748303628,0.0,0.08594015335812062,0.0,0.0,0.097041284686814,0.0,0.07409691337136766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952444435263697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125054167269502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654172673136702,0.0,0.2211877550430001,0.0,0.0,0.0710187371098568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074875044236621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056753761490204876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064297502072134,0.0,0.09146013620874023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817271026241133,0.046533438697178735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130382451644472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34131727059396993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999278491449222,0.0,0.12556621939979146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475168436670513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082886910906505,0.1761024150925312,0.3696610015106265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733445981753973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348438071968495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250443996316932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881463901034787,0.0,0.07312929931029287,0.0,0.0,0.09988331102818593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5348222727192325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JordanJ14,2019/10/11,"Motivated by Betrayal? Starting to notice a pattern here of only being motivated to progress in life when I feel shortchanged or someone did me wrong.. 

Ie. Worked a shit minimum wage job for years cuz it was comfortable easy until one day got laid off by the boss because he wanted me to put in more hours which I couldn’t. With that fire I was so motivated went back to college finished 3 year program in 2 years. 

Ie. while in college ended up in another job basic admin work got stuck again easy comfort wanted to leave but just couldn’t. One day had argument with manager. Left. Motivated as hell applied to university masters program got into the program now finishing soon. 

Even at home when things are normal with siblings and parents I fall into a rut.. not feeling like I’m processing in life. The moment there is argument and nagging drama. I’m at the rental pages looking to move out get my shit together. Plan out a life etc. Unfortunately things get back to peace at home rather quickly and end up back in a comfortable rut. 

This is a terrible pattern to have these decisions ultimately at the hands of someone else. Am I just not taking responsibility or is there something else here. The emotions that arise from the rut state to the feeling of been wronged motivation is insane. Night and day. 

How to kick this pattern and retrain your brain to be motivated by positivity rather than betrayal and being wronged?",4.133205615677095,6.872808604562737,5.0454942965779495,76.90552720093595,75.12167300380226,7.848435214975139,31.02793214390172,8.730908602173464,2.955912079555425,1145,55,194,25,26,372,157,263,0.192,0.679,0.129,-0.9671,5,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,11,20,12,4,0,14,0,17,7,4,9,0,40,34,17,0,7,9,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,9,13,0,0,10,1,1,4,4,8,0,2,10,6,9,4,44,19,3,49,1,0,1,0,3,19,3,2,26,130,18,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354595629519387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497927658747975,0.0,0.06600935202733238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088154436982422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095040325897028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091595500124,0.12180572010282395,0.1918162187316679,0.0,0.12076607153020635,0.0715210273937059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425600361137685,0.07735861596839329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314857973202573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598155153812326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217236779253434,0.0,0.10663862362112543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491172521744506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465786911875077,0.11765165046193095,0.0,0.2294540717056884,0.05290243792990621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093188126975514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508950616666055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161786165420722,0.10609602136151436,0.0,0.1232828560699758,0.0,0.0,0.14675303912536014,0.08235539879803802,0.0,0.0,0.120237351950396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088560384810634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230539028279547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349856086072014,0.08336285738495275,0.0,0.0,0.0766444726074332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141662309893204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438790948543336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127738250921421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038100779456284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766511201055514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551769832581844,0.0,0.20919540222027053
bpd,programcost,2019/10/11,"Tips on finding a therapist I lived in a DBT treatment facility for a few months when I was in high school and it helped. I’d like to get back into it and see a therapist again. I think most of my behavioral symptoms have been treated, but I’m internally going insane. I’ve been putting it off because of the stigma (even among mental health professionals) but have decided its time.

I used to a see a therapist who was great, but she isn’t qualified to work with BPD. 

What should I look for? I want to make sure this is someone who’s willing to work with me and guide me as opposed to someone who will demonize me and see me as evil. I once briefly saw a DBT therapist who demonized people with BPD. But I know there are people out there who don’t because my psychiatrist and former therapist actually see us as human.",6.407764144512613,6.012801092024539,7.182535787321067,75.82522835719159,65.68711656441718,10.925426039536474,34.67552828902522,10.504223727775694,3.4943434219495564,650,27,129,15,9,217,99,163,0.061,0.8640000000000001,0.075,0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,8,0,13,2,0,2,1,25,27,13,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,11,10,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,6,16,4,23,19,2,16,2,0,6,0,9,8,0,1,7,88,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.11015337090487128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679678632273907,0.0,0.1376196689240525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28433365238598235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455534563461816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316912677862206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058974484689307674,0.0,0.06415159134115876,0.0,0.0,0.1244492134354934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998482611401633,0.0,0.0,0.07566024252594877,0.11926259020101325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062035205507965416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514685245034932,0.0,0.09967399872897804,0.0,0.0947897154770077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534743794317321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375522429421545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009873630202042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021217808579117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651181625621755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347431474516535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142393149414244,0.35979897710155284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912835864775338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638688008011632,0.11732423521207445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6553046078693743,0.0,0.07232814112444423,0.0,0.0,0.06582050320318468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577923028808184,0.09749099224946342,0.0,0.0,0.06657880762662415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435413959814266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kakashijonin17,2019/10/11,"Mom constantly invalidating Just got back from an evening with my family. I was telling my mom how great DBT therapy was going for me and that I finally (after 15 years) found a good, healthy therapist. I brought up how when I first went to therapy when I was a kid, my dad (who also had BPD) told me I wasn't allowed to talk about him or our bond to the therapist because he wouldn't understand (which tbh was fair because he was the worst therapist I ever had) but my mom's response? She couldn't believe my dad ever said that and said ""I don't think that's what really happened"". 

This is an ongoing issue with her and her invalidating all kinds of events related to my BPD. I'm starting to wonder if anything has actually ever happened to me. I already struggle so hard with my grasp on my memories and realities that it's just getting too much with her. But at the same time, I want to have a good relationship where you talk to your mom, cause I need her. 

idk.",5.889877531794633,5.666691751295343,6.904540744229866,76.81081959491287,66.72020725388602,10.748751766368349,34.125765426283564,10.436869588844218,3.3875637305699486,760,32,155,18,11,256,117,193,0.051,0.877,0.07200000000000001,0.4406,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,2,0,1,16,6,0,1,8,0,14,0,0,4,4,32,32,14,0,5,6,6,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,9,8,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,15,3,31,4,20,15,4,21,0,0,0,0,26,4,0,3,14,110,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.10030198987329464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342428446915735,0.08219602662187409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458216445309584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903426205900063,0.0,0.12531188583150335,0.0,0.0,0.11580194641656795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25890475151128106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558709444268656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107258251124127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788761398234025,0.2789210159357777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689525277899076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259443558018238,0.0,0.08742769768846269,0.0,0.1126969380206949,0.0,0.0,0.05370020106963535,0.0,0.05841430191558567,0.17242005380313555,0.08220545321927768,0.11331930782695937,0.0,0.0,0.18178243772231986,0.0,0.09207393794374312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727939896719864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703332716193308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48151575064043395,0.0,0.0,0.07555778974789654,0.0762127544991345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584582117414438,0.0,0.0,0.11035114600027716,0.0,0.0,0.19554152642667672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275077777631837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745176005647504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522716647737173,0.08983741735827035,0.0,0.23508406243248864,0.3580191269817814,0.0,0.06585959575293766,0.0,0.0,0.059933957458663964,0.0,0.0,0.09821415700179392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700137697946048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062444420433408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528144878012867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146445528907467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618928367566082
bpd,chillywilliams,2019/10/11,Wishing good things for any and all struggling today A new layer of empathy just hit and in this moment I feel like I have the strength to reach out and send some hope and love to all of you. Maybe that’s ridiculous but It feels good to have the space in my emotional calendar to focus on someone else’s needs. All the best!,3.5818181818181856,4.942607484848487,3.861030303030304,90.89154545454548,72.63636363636363,7.098181818181819,25.32121212121212,7.554174236665415,1.058706666666667,258,8,55,3,5,80,50,66,0.047,0.634,0.319,0.9586,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,2,1,9,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,16,9,5,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,7,11,8,5,9,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552437966570188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554395073860527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333442198789686,0.27379891056880545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461467042501019,0.17388924557382604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40831469282021937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417570104861149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189158428636584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968335571807135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445339734348767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048241347742225,0.0,0.2350829646918783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062370552556834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544607279298602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170808477421025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23072036165743776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799048079315844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,randouser22,2019/10/11,"Going back to therapy and I’m scared I lived at a DBT treatment center for several months when I was 17. It helped a lot and it’s been a really long time since I’ve done it. Since then, I’ve mostly been treated for depression and anxiety. 

I’m also a psychological mess. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and also suspect I might autism traits (can’t read people, can’t pick up on social cues, have to be explicitly taught social norms and unwritten rules, etc). I also struggle so much socially and always have. I’m sick of it.

Fortunately, my psychiatrist is stable and consistent. One of my symptoms is a fear of abandonment, but I can be assured my psychiatrist won’t abandon me. I’ve seen him for 8 1/2 years (since I was in middle school). And he isn’t judgmental about BPD at all. 

I saw another therapist who didn’t stigmatize it either and was really good, but didn’t specialize in it and doesn’t know a lot about autism or ADHD. 

I searched some therapists who treat BPD, autism, and ADHD. Several came up and one of them seems nice, it’s hard to explain, but from her profile picture and description, she seems like someone I’d want to see. Some of the others looked intimidating (but I’m intimidated easily). 

I think it could help... but I’m nervous. I know it’s so stigmatized. 

And I hate how people think when we don’t get help, it’s because we are in denial, don’t think we have a problem, or do realize it but don’t see the issue. Someone once suggested BPD when I was in the mental hospital and I knew as soon as I read about it that it fit, but it’s so stigmatized that I was resistant to getting diagnosed with it. I’m worried about being seen in a different lens and people twisting my actions and motives. 

But I need to make that leap. Wish me luck.",3.102717803030302,4.979803230113639,4.976340909090911,80.28305303030305,74.9375,8.784242424242425,27.074242424242424,9.3871,2.519398560606061,1395,54,273,36,30,477,178,352,0.127,0.773,0.1,-0.6435,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,3,0,1,1,16,18,1,4,11,0,32,4,0,4,3,66,63,40,0,5,11,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,21,23,0,2,12,2,0,3,10,10,0,2,17,7,30,8,33,40,9,27,0,3,6,0,18,13,0,11,12,178,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162149155132489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041417917025035,0.07297800512558134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196686794648108,0.06709447036722109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744011870538726,0.0,0.0534644610799532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313860353806099,0.0,0.0,0.10031173136540013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002570814415071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554062193015904,0.1780384803963363,0.0,0.09163358433440824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975318111566492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781482067013852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869307538700108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164501167698168,0.0,0.04984505899907737,0.0735632154507381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856690431249927,0.08659102730273309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636145138791648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154175939024337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640130241260424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284847899380923,0.0,0.07744556671865922,0.07761661095574379,0.07365053401919026,0.0,0.0,0.14912816595062922,0.0,0.0,0.05854410484899673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838651930307716,0.09304167957472548,0.0,0.0,0.07000569639548712,0.0,0.06447363683753822,0.0650325197754008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340349917788374,0.11886303845906344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824118596027412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392232227552872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545847636407158,0.0,0.11237278315885244,0.0,0.08659860415845416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780850967979008,0.08876265224641618,0.13977986256069888,0.15968759339169622,0.0,0.19816450989100293,0.0,0.21765269726837086,0.0,0.0,0.2682141484116111,0.14862517755519122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168883550657772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115960031400601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029888723675504,0.20366569968879106,0.0,0.1685944363781574,0.0,0.0,0.051141784590568194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051730978528479916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008570010025805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906919646290147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056479468926764864
bpd,noidea911,2019/10/11,"I am gone. I lost myself. I remember who I used to be. I remember what people used to say about me. I remember. But barely. Every single day I wake up as a new person. All my goals and dreams refresh in one night. Lately I’ve been better than that. I can keep my goals and inspirations for a couple days or a few weeks at best.
I don’t know who I am.
I don’t know what kind of person I want to be.
Ah, wait, I do, but those people are so different every day.
Today I want to move to Bali and live with my girlfriend and boyfriend.(imaginary for now)
A few weeks ago I wanted to be a career woman who’s boyfriend stays home with a kid and she climbs on top of the money making pile. (Bf is real, no kids).
I am lost. I do not know who I am. I do not know whom I want to be: whom I want to be consistently, not depending on my mood.
I can’t make any long term goals. I fantasize about killing myself in various ways in different places. I fantasize about the message I would leave behind. Last week it was: “duck you all”; this week it’s “this earth ain’t for everyone. No hard feelings”.
I’m loosing my damn mind. 
I have all good things going for me now. Well, I did screw up a couple days ago but i was able to talk myself into only worrying about it internally. 
Anyway. What do I do to stop fucking things up?
I knew I had BPD. But today I’ve learned about “episodes”. I didn’t know that BPD involved episodes. And I have been having the episodes. The feelings I feel are so deep. I can get upset because of a single word or even a wrong kind of breath directed my way.
I have lost myself. And I feel as if I just let go and stop trying so hard to be normal I’ll just go insane. I’ll loose all touch with reality and just disappear into the insanity.
I don’t know what to do... I don’t know how to do plain myself without official diagnosis. I can’t tell anyone I have BPD unless  I get official diagnosis. And I can’t tell myself I have it just because I think I do.
But actually, I feel like when you know you know. Like if you broke your leg and the bleeding is internal. Even if it may not be visible from the outside, you know, you feel it.
Anyway, what do I do? Are there people here who can understand what I’m going through?
Cause I know that  no one I know does.",0.2876878864753465,2.4107395945378194,2.637851593467577,92.14688203583323,85.82773109243698,5.8613603932138885,18.855081655303632,7.206552242816932,0.3050696527667673,1741,47,393,27,53,594,203,476,0.14400000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.063,-0.9905,2,0,0,0,0,1,67.0,0,7,0,10,23,20,4,1,16,1,53,6,3,7,4,88,98,29,1,10,20,0,9,2,2,2,1,1,1,5,27,16,0,4,26,1,1,8,17,10,2,2,12,10,73,9,48,76,11,48,0,4,0,2,28,14,3,7,25,275,100,5,0.06886799999755995,0.0,0.06720523366918657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209465348098365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468326015826878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048154106859050985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396258717769334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227271717948545,0.060908149499184175,0.0,0.0,0.26021050547489205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074640656117763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240226421401076,0.0,0.1776566507637439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439048043816736,0.0,0.0,0.060266850891127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097332897762288,0.0,0.11604852050085715,0.06580632527097173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893038030382688,0.049199312958733886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636673562735766,0.07196137515369523,0.0,0.15655708584918426,0.0577632109778244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233844018881016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908021915105024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121304269129224,0.0761922383542155,0.1434308486081869,0.4541766209383747,0.05613661168752778,0.0776861036761858,0.0729212682432138,0.0,0.07042219594725915,0.0,0.06729085228352252,0.0,0.06081170571809477,0.06094601284826466,0.0,0.0,0.2255326718123384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919398495343107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953704793756105,0.0,0.0,0.07319578512719442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651314354131409,0.0,0.06462795275144713,0.0674760179367009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333347823239076,0.05237721730907752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323319972529425,0.12026576247055562,0.0719524021908368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838686112118537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23404205694891514,0.0,0.0,0.05476659775717925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734041248184288,0.0,0.11515346340573815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055353489724563436,0.12038733495568052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150567816324312,0.044127833630475115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305576229476166,0.0,0.0,0.04675685138409663,0.0,0.0,0.07169401675792654,0.0,0.11895968068783458,0.0,0.0,0.20310065353457216,0.10932842571304446,0.2209670221772796,0.0,0.06192060271211426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638629443733686,0.0,0.0,0.06993879692979417,0.0,0.04892185127881744,0.0752963469175733,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway44020567,2019/03/13,"BPD friend suddenly ghosting me? Can you please help me? 

I've been texting with an old friend who has BPD. The conversation was great. We agreed to meet up later this week. Now  for the past two days she suddenly stopped responding to any of my text messages out of the blue. It shows her as online on messenger. I don't get it. She's done this to me the past, and has only re-established communication once I've stopped reaching out. I wish I was treated with some respect.",2.161290322580648,4.663620451612907,3.135924731182797,89.1438870967742,81.04301075268816,6.730752688172044,25.429032258064517,7.908726449838941,1.5209277419354836,374,15,77,7,10,119,68,93,0.037000000000000005,0.716,0.247,0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,10,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,12,5,13,6,1,15,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,1,11,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342804890398408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942337727211055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265378149256256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078872635158407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30317935696782433,0.0,0.1025104901150159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631981917111365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315139688700352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588710609018515,0.208954929547731,0.0,0.14922489198536448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746051397014234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537727118258249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280770537514556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166653441159326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573860817297442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256293150083581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ragazza_pazza,2019/03/13,"First post. TW: substance abuse/ self harm It's amazing that my husband hasn't left me yet. I have been living in a constant state of agitation for years. It seems that any thing can set me off and my episodes have increased in intensity. I usually drink everyday, and unless I make a concerted effort not to get wasted I usually end up getting pretty smashed. 

I'm so tired of the consequences of my reckless and impulsive behaviors. I have been doing mindfulness exercises; which seem to be helping. I haven't had an episode in 3 weeks. It was also one of the worst which really got me thinking how dysfunctional this element of myself is. 

I am young, attractive (or so I'm told), and have an extremely outgoing personality. I make people laugh and feel good about themselves. No one has a clue the darkness and I experience just beneath the surface all time except my family. No one could fathom such a ""sweet girl"" could ever be so vicious. 

I know life doesn't have to be so hard.",3.2416723259762317,5.865891220430112,4.659077532541033,79.0954584040747,77.65591397849462,8.216864742501414,28.60667798528579,8.99025400887824,2.8217462365591395,781,35,140,20,19,259,125,186,0.13699999999999998,0.72,0.14300000000000002,0.3121,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,1,0,10,0,22,4,0,3,2,24,35,14,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,9,6,1,0,5,3,0,1,6,3,0,4,6,4,18,5,18,24,3,24,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,3,12,103,27,0,0.0,0.18209295281842525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290275593915513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045118498346861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608012650915546,0.0,0.2454117650657988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055391477572042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612030945401132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901791832977894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033454146897826,0.14488162133119326,0.0,0.0777083334909487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072535781757447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058933691056493,0.0,0.0,0.12890464820804015,0.12291685096111235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767260034982412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301258452485916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446188695092555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698044799909564,0.0,0.10855307040799513,0.0,0.0,0.13570768313990145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517339254340114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551791971062364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124251311669096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654662318656542,0.1341928152911228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718884570205745,0.1563540622953858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845528089341364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798201916979775,0.16032816864399815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210224685396517,0.09847587718942907,0.0,0.0,0.0896156280144279,0.17663961741206013,0.0,0.14685369918536975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385271558075615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327775662555995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896883963503407
bpd,39deadCrows,2019/03/13,"Not coping well I've fucked up. The last 3.5 years have been all my fault. And now I can't handle the consequences.  Can't do life today. I've already cut. Can't wait to do it again. Need, need, need to do it again. I love him. I need him. He hates me. I can't breathe. He has someone else. He hates me. I love him. Need to make it hurt more. Hurt proves to me I fucked up. I deserve it. 

I just can't handle things today. It hurts so much. I know everything is my fault, and I deserve this hurt, but it's too much right now. I don't know how to talk myself down off the ledge. Please. Something. Anything. ",-2.2004358974358977,-0.6383629538461513,-0.22519230769230525,106.32477564102564,109.30769230769228,2.7820512820512824,12.339743589743593,4.7782277997778095,-1.6915641025641022,456,9,116,2,24,146,68,130,0.19399999999999998,0.743,0.064,-0.8911,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,9,14,5,0,3,0,13,6,1,2,2,17,28,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,1,0,20,3,9,27,4,13,0,4,0,4,9,5,2,0,8,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224448285455185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060738121263694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076795064712731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158471123620583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238332159582568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545243557373844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5519609588454466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168026499460645,0.10507079827256137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104596366831692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267477382735616,0.0,0.08604182808004664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951283278749775,0.4778890121012039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149361893616585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007999441293337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921664964008172,0.09923360646865348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360503025913992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563550918072396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436447536291045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589668419416667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300744828165768
bpd,30min2thinkof1name,2019/03/13,"My mom just cancelled my therapy tw:Suicide I’ve thought of nothing but killing myself for 4 months straight. I’ve always had suicidal ideation. For 4 months it has been my only thought. I have a plan. It is well within my reach. A small part of me doesn’t want to die. I’ve had to move back in with my parents. I’ve been seeing a therapist since this began. I mentioned to my mom that I don’t really like my therapist that much and that I want to find a new one. I was planning on going to my weekly appointment tomorrow, but I got a message from my therapist today with a picture of a note from my mom officially terminating my sessions with her (she was paying for them) Knowing I had that session was the only thing getting me through the week. I asked her why she would cancel my therapy without making sure I had another therapist lined up. She just told me it was an honest mistake. Then on to her predictable diatribe of “i don’t see you ever being satisfied with my actions or decisions” why would she do this? I am so alone now.",2.8934027777777764,4.790671620192313,4.4608974358974365,83.66188034188036,75.58653846153845,7.699145299145299,29.344017094017097,8.515128840125781,2.337329273504274,819,37,160,16,18,274,118,208,0.115,0.7659999999999999,0.12,-0.2273,1,1,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,1,1,2,7,6,1,0,10,0,21,0,0,1,2,24,35,6,3,5,6,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,5,0,1,3,4,2,1,1,15,2,37,4,26,17,2,22,0,0,2,0,17,7,0,1,13,119,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170564460371027,0.0,0.0,0.08974431499245589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130957683983808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083021945368167,0.0,0.0,0.08293412852009194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119368546726589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756136465348766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857786194697317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634998367846127,0.0,0.06129669710665599,0.0,0.08626179893032315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193259961615674,0.0,0.0592744953394671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052692689929668905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199430263239706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789567471217487,0.17217826817194146,0.11463319839122794,0.07928611316656825,0.0,0.0,0.10416739660550356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349014450744908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308559576323177,0.1640577509357493,0.0,0.0,0.11976063395568202,0.11679686444164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909491723590505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189354509845714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921908360835368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23595255679661595,0.0,0.10165241778202212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246684049915552,0.5009136293757848,0.07165432094609578,0.0,0.0,0.1712502458681816,0.0,0.0,0.10223428758113604,0.10306043615867044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272317933037195,0.0,0.17303015772800318,0.0,0.09697493814524334,0.0,0.19464540645730385,0.0,0.0,0.10396873600671767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532347326711648,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pkmn_golden_red,2019/03/13,"What if your stubborn ex suddenly agreed with your account of the relationship and you noticed it didn't actually make sense... and that your ex's telling was much more accurate... I'm asking because I'm considering agreeing with my ex (who has bpd) about how things really happened just so he can hear me tell it back to him and maybe understand how crazy he sounds. Our relationship ended 6 months ago and he gets very upset and evasive if the past is brought up. He did a lot of messed up things and his story has warped everything so he doesn't have to feel guilty and apologize.

Eg: He used to restrain me against my will (he'd chace me down and drag me back inside too if I escaped) if I wanted to leave the house after he'd gone into a rage and was screaming in my face... he insists that I was suicidal and he was a hero protecting me so he refuses to apologise... I'd never been suicidal, he just didn't want his fear of abandonment kicking in.

I'm a little bit worried that if he does start to realize what he did, he might fly into a rage and end me before I can finish... 100% worth a chance of death if I might be able to get that apology I've been waiting for.

​

**What would you do if you had to confront the fact that you'd woven yourself a false narrative of your past relationship to avoid admitting to yourself that you were violent and abusive to your ex partner? Or confront whatever your actual ex says you did that you don't agree with now?**",5.8508211202569775,5.7811866177474425,6.4757920096366215,79.33230275045172,66.78156996587029,10.170568159004217,32.934952820718735,9.916854025145753,3.0164340092350934,1161,46,234,24,17,381,159,293,0.195,0.75,0.055,-0.992,0,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,13,0,1,12,13,6,3,11,0,30,1,1,4,2,49,49,25,3,10,10,5,1,0,1,4,0,4,0,1,15,17,0,7,4,0,2,2,5,12,0,0,15,5,33,1,30,26,4,24,0,1,0,0,51,8,0,11,14,151,48,0,0.11832112671012165,0.1401911871376739,0.2309287032827117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488453974025456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282008913563722,0.1437731198454905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061428129593016,0.0,0.0,0.18196328582560287,0.0,0.07212746062549713,0.0,0.1006825640675472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917602546430929,0.0,0.14902131706399854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354361533602972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959479738827616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633939929676446,0.0,0.0,0.1331441627802035,0.05982671681670945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363581036325505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046309815882388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335650911986352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652669412491644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528498896401474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858885303884628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059239072541336,0.0,0.0,0.07898027085761256,0.0,0.11886947522066665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510400346136627,0.0,0.0,0.09444279449062436,0.0,0.08697964233526717,0.0,0.09125654718493226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134709386986621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259018075187293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579954355610942,0.0,0.0,0.3810978289233837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409370902217376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374830248092108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588482166498133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683575991882466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721459808666305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317646572388867,0.0,0.10219146376081477,0.0,0.09762732112667996,0.13957773225663048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016084761829646,0.0,0.0840519336158996,0.0,0.1437731198454905,0.0
bpd,maasaicuban,2019/03/13,"I need to talk to someone So I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for years and recently, the frequency of my mood swings got extremely noticeable. I noticed because my dad is the same way. He’s refused all his life to get treatment so we don’t know for sure but his symptoms are definitely a type of disorder. 

I making an appointment for a psychiatrist tomorrow and I wanted someone’s input.

I feel like I am losing myself, I’m losing my friends and family. No one understands what’s going on with me, not even myself. I’ve pushed everyone away because no one can deal with my mood swings. 

My bff and sister just talked me out of a suicide attempt last Monday, I’ve spent the last 4 days feeling absolutely awesome and like nothing in the world mattered and everything was magic. But then yesterday and today...

I’m having a hard time with this because I don’t want this to be true, I’ve done my research and so much of it cause I keep looking for something that’ll tell me it’s all in my head and I’m just making it up.

How does one come to accept that their life as they’ve known it has ended and now I’m basically handicapped for the rest of my life.

I don’t mean to insult anyone, Im just hoping someone out there can relate. I’m having a really hard time and I’m hoping my psychiatrist keeps my diagnosis as depression/anxiety cause I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle this.",3.0344680851063828,4.8877755851063815,4.851365248226951,81.20875000000002,75.06382978723406,8.104255319148937,26.99822695035461,8.841846274778883,2.221018439716312,1113,43,215,24,24,379,151,282,0.11800000000000001,0.731,0.151,0.9159,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,1,3,12,14,1,0,11,0,18,5,1,6,4,54,45,22,1,5,6,2,4,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,10,20,0,3,8,0,1,3,7,4,0,3,5,5,29,8,30,37,5,26,0,3,1,0,15,8,0,2,16,134,39,2,0.10463428873954897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008988897822482,0.0,0.0,0.07316272755508448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830735862096704,0.0,0.0,0.1913522737058196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497647475373347,0.0,0.09013317479602287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748046005827603,0.21574671442854876,0.09012135956924833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991995998517367,0.0,0.09156617119400813,0.10707720562966876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926749227209485,0.0,0.0,0.06910996088299234,0.0,0.0,0.09998254689457363,0.09403855186122076,0.0,0.09863989521042324,0.0,0.1058124805906418,0.07475075678245324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084019192359992,0.0,0.05466709724540812,0.0,0.059466077588815926,0.0,0.0836855992292026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746354088362654,0.0,0.10738496723980943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078509160433175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130229871728088,0.0,0.0,0.18600752697374526,0.0,0.0,0.11500853733640767,0.17058182135043373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171887762086265,0.10223805639214004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786644972220745,0.2341180093700815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396884004644334,0.0,0.0,0.11397741503021805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691824159913538,0.07758499928411706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039942204797007,0.2382536624827456,0.0,0.0,0.21270870601978564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703140468064446,0.0,0.1033137369556552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26596887989375656,0.08055258744053723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445292904879427,0.0,0.09861657884108196,0.10875508975400093,0.0,0.1682021556248719,0.0914549803013285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202619042138288,0.0,0.09918107115884077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892798470425652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343202895905485,0.08305382807620619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738105137835801
bpd,jtbrooks83,2019/03/13,"For those of us whose feelings are easily hurt, how should we decide which upsets are worth bringing to the attention of others? How often can we say ""hey, this hurt my feelings"" without draining loved ones/friends? What is the alternative? I do this with my SO way too often, where something he says (or doesn't say) hurts my feelings. I have learned to be less aggressive in my confrontation. I try to focus on those ""I feel"" statements and apologize if I am rude. ""Here are the fears and feelings that have arisen since you said that thing on February 21 at 9:01pm, just so ya know."" Even with a more constructive and healthy approach, he often receives the burden of reassuring me of his feelings for me and the true intentions of what he said (or didn't say). I know this isn't fair to him.

  
So, how do y'all decide when something is worth bringing up? Take the other day, when my SO called marriage a ""tragedy,"" (though clarifying that he didn't mean he WOULDN'T marry). That opinion was news to me! I have been stressed, lost sleep, been unable to focus, etc, wondering whether my craziness has drained him of excitement about the future (and marrying). I would love to share these fears and feelings with him, and hear what he meant by a ""tragedy,"" because personally, my self-soothing is just not very effective yet. If I am upset with him, and I don't talk to him about it, I find myself unable to resolve the issue. Telling myself ""well, he probably meant this"" or ""he was probably kidding"" just doesn't do the trick as well as hearing it from him. But I know for him, it is a bit exhausting to hear, for the 100th time ""I'm just a little worried that you might actually, you know, despise me.""

​

Sorry for the long post. I am just curious to hear how you guys (who might be hyper sensitive like yours truly) go about deciding when to tell someone they have hurt your feelings. When you know deep down that you might be overreacting, how do you move on and let go without getting that delicious validation from the ones you love?",6.159386873920552,6.762477300518137,5.9369041450777225,81.14409542314338,66.15025906735751,9.127633851468048,32.9227115716753,9.075114841892004,2.7092887737478413,1602,65,306,26,24,499,197,386,0.14300000000000002,0.752,0.105,-0.943,0,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,3,12,1,3,32,28,5,5,17,0,40,5,1,7,1,74,74,32,0,5,15,0,8,1,0,6,1,10,0,3,26,15,0,0,26,0,2,7,10,17,2,1,11,18,50,11,44,53,4,28,0,5,0,3,60,10,0,13,10,227,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.07854076144135776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720436638197722,0.09779685372104002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049062291502350426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878676687281655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218314946416329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051905513396434184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976092058221245,0.05315891440783467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113372270448527,0.3255609771518683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356090610636604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218172877358901,0.0,0.04204956139844364,0.0,0.09148180923052636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969180088970203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628452113763572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34463909114050545,0.0,0.0,0.08400437212161788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115947232220606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230032975253512,0.0,0.03932041068706959,0.08066609896237656,0.0,0.07122579588786088,0.0,0.0,0.08785777935707853,0.0,0.2179198219496794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767065662612293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25614237455813865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554174108650844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453803259152543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027551311151653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708141179960913,0.0,0.1735507013756394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531174047330204,0.2560163876864012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396235143620298,0.0,0.0,0.06657718581622822,0.0,0.08054211165907092,0.0,0.06819382107767583,0.1239210107015106,0.0,0.09009523422185828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219413528016517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060513941932997785,0.06468998014059289,0.14069310437722898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346998475242356,0.0,0.07907510867260946,0.0,0.04693086010500691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464334412382378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681232673267028,0.0,0.0,0.06640771831106915,0.0,0.06388444272774267,0.0,0.0,0.14472954025742973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516738294652274,0.08728145077788715,0.0,0.08173539567167779,0.0,0.05717351522759297,0.0,0.09779685372104002,0.0
bpd,chocolate_on_toast,2019/03/13,"DAE see borderline in people all around them all the time? Perhaps it's the company i keep, but since being diagnosed and learning more about BPD, i see traits of it absolutely everywhere in all kinds of people at home and at work.

Anyone else? ",6.202971014492757,7.1950461086956565,6.5508695652173925,75.40644927536233,66.17391304347827,10.481159420289854,30.55072463768116,10.504223727775694,3.2776463768115938,195,7,35,5,3,63,35,46,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,9,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,8,3,4,6,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,23,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335364256808107,0.2686802451589798,0.0,0.2334356228069797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302628936229935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661526019543993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905513108496344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630328052355033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330774067303525,0.0,0.2730667253980955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635872496217898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179183515669223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691502335679766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290536076324798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090274143461192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AndyForKing,2019/03/13,"In desperate need of support Quick bit about myself, 31 year old male, married 13 years to the love of my life, recently diagnosed with BPD after me and my wife agreed on a trial separation due to a multitude of reasons some of which seem to have stemmed directly from my undiagnosed bpd, I didn't deal so well to start so saw a doctor about all the things going around my head and viola here I am.

I'm now realising a major trigger for me is uncertainty in any and all situations, what doesn't help is my wife has ADHD and has huge trouble focusing her brain to a conclusion so I feel in ""limbo"" where something starts as minor and blows up the more I think about it until she speaks her mind after organising her thoughts and generally everything is fine! 

I'm looking for real genuine coping strategies as I know unless I do something about this I'm going to drive everything and everyone I love away from me, I've now booked in with a group therapy session in a fourtnight after speaking at length with a nurse who will be fully assessing me next week.

I'm sick of this illness ruining every single good thing in my life.",13.590528375733856,7.44410372146119,12.82969341161122,58.8032876712329,57.447488584474875,16.349902152641878,47.72407045009785,13.023866798666859,5.879807045009785,901,36,165,21,7,301,140,219,0.079,0.8170000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.7633,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,14,8,0,0,11,0,12,10,2,2,2,27,31,14,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,8,11,0,0,7,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,3,5,22,6,40,26,7,32,0,1,2,2,15,13,0,2,16,114,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589212675234044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386903194050752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288106771492928,0.0,0.0,0.12968911508592798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069926958053315,0.0,0.34770234728546423,0.15409352927364545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230877967545813,0.0,0.14010336344554386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128542188089455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163010585511702,0.13189905834810026,0.24811523259140325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979501415431416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689777628670476,0.1157778238454308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416644854487217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252244221428936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586082895377715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499744095021085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591525059839075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491652767567564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937674084525847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235174703344622,0.0,0.0,0.14680256811046538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448452817565046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711488411142804,0.0,0.1419237234238016,0.13629363366031466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566254713529573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515794745097916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125333022795104,0.0,0.0,0.19540480467827104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664131410028515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578558907089377,0.0,0.1834096150109776,0.08844772411822822,0.0,0.10958495332349466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072393888868108,0.0,0.12411070146287917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777809728468267
bpd,alixandrya,2019/03/13,"Spiraling? We’ve all felt it, right? You miss your first two alarms and you’ve already woken up on the wrong side of the bed. And then it’s like one thing and after another, no matter how minuscule, keeps happening and all you can think about is how fucked everything is. I so badly wish i could brush off upset feelings and just move on with my day but they just build up inside me. I feel alone and so selfish for even getting so upset in the first place. I feel no one understands these moods and it’s pointless trying to let people in because they’ll end up feeling like you’re over dramatic?",4.768340336134454,5.630718134453782,4.986039915966387,85.80914390756303,69.33613445378151,8.302941176470588,26.639705882352942,8.472884824447931,1.6382344537815134,474,14,96,7,8,149,84,119,0.21,0.715,0.075,-0.948,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,2,2,9,11,1,3,3,0,6,1,0,2,2,26,20,14,0,2,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,8,0,5,2,6,11,2,15,15,2,19,0,1,0,1,5,12,1,0,8,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367934134054706,0.19570824629765066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859651436730321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807841297383695,0.10810987052337863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415981773285025,0.0,0.0,0.11437497436231987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707794376452947,0.0,0.0,0.11713687187886546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938920613327534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586904933462693,0.1266976526712127,0.1702821687927379,0.0,0.0,0.3017047270349389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395563487664502,0.09265716091008136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682850573336046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576353073945251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813506406065784,0.0,0.17328683101161374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849316389479612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24035158006377064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295097294687085,0.0,0.18529121472245547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145446928187115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782232242851125,0.11363762219883795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040784637847585,0.0,0.17324350805587685,0.1846258227511972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394177925892584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939025127683275,0.0,0.0
bpd,PenelopeNew,2019/03/13,"a weird rhythm so this is super weird just trying to find someone to relate. I've been diagnosed BPD for years and was wondering if anyone else has this experience.
Growing up their were times when everything else in the house is quiet and my brain makes up some strange almost rhythm. And I cant get it out of my head. Its intense, heart pumping, every step or thing u touch adds to it. and it's the same beat over and over and over again. I dont know how to describe it. it would last from 20 min to a few hours, only long enough for me to get distracted. Is that mania? 
sorry if I sound crazy I just want to know I'm not alone.",1.2979271873165033,3.3461582290076346,2.4819847328244293,95.21608338226662,81.21374045801527,5.55748678802114,18.473869641808573,6.67199483983844,-0.13326823253082853,492,11,111,5,13,157,93,131,0.087,0.8340000000000001,0.079,-0.0249,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,1,4,0,10,4,3,2,0,25,18,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,3,8,1,18,14,4,19,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,6,10,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925382691650354,0.1854015833879846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516877107400207,0.18341809645763535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254582998577982,0.19983566634136635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816925676423929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979975601125134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29908172176266856,0.0,0.0,0.18496638952839264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082462995903534,0.0,0.1608836953377062,0.17510727212184027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361296474147852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705189401909245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371710337219124,0.0,0.0,0.2121290963095949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628994169579335,0.20655485368841625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675971307354864,0.14591799444548542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584192507693407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194913448672478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361460600243887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167558196517233,0.0,0.0,0.20038834702228428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892706592515145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438285179012023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215368326561974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558542506731516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412997588771824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716439786036052,0.0,0.0,0.11527732325661688
bpd,spitfyaah,2019/03/13,"Impossible to make decisions DAE find it impossible to decide things??

Like I can't trust my own brain to make decisions",5.050909090909091,7.701506818181822,6.400000000000002,68.77000000000002,71.72727272727272,11.672727272727276,29.181818181818183,11.20814326018867,4.3137454545454545,98,4,17,4,2,33,17,22,0.13,0.764,0.106,-0.1436,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236966618042229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287701241310779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291899089280081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262867842077623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116646220539067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,minds_ii,2019/03/13,This might sound silly but DAE get triggered by other people's abononement? Mabey even those in tv shows or movies? Idk maybe I'm feeling particularly vulnerable today but even seeing abononement happen to others is making me feel so much pain. It really hurts to be discarded :'(,5.289795918367346,8.419395530612245,5.570775510204083,72.57779591836736,73.28571428571429,7.185306122448982,24.08571428571429,8.238735603445708,1.9937640816326527,227,7,33,4,5,72,45,49,0.335,0.621,0.043,-0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,8,10,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,4,8,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870867709746285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963292911566878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530959494182599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25912523916414865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136944067314028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955996327719492,0.0,0.2943877685969681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108582564246612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154105818411982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31180431291189165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314993196766465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772236057009328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23350677114550486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27775793884242056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,1ndividualsolitude,2019/03/13,"DAE loves and hates to the same person? They do something really lovely and nice to me, that will make me melt and put to that person on a high appreciation, but then all of the sudden something bad happen and I hate them.",4.636287878787879,5.567652477272726,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,69.68181818181819,7.684848484848485,21.484848484848484,7.793537801064563,0.7399939393939401,175,3,35,2,3,57,34,44,0.21,0.627,0.163,-0.688,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,8,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,5,7,2,5,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227165868623626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422408132896106,0.0,0.0,0.4783506033074022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595425641092673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372867111765426,0.0,0.16170617641884402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230530439568065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24353180493049106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519387601050064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729973533191236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scarletbxx,2019/03/13,"Today Today is the 10th year since my (probably bpd) dad committed suicide. 

My heart hurts 
But with the help of dbt and an amazing support system it has never been so easy to deal with the grief and pain. 

It still hurts, though. 
I’ve been having a lot of ptsd symptoms and nightmares. 


But today is the day
And I dread it every year. ",1.8388311688311705,4.224200545454544,2.7477489177489183,92.1559090909091,81.42424242424242,4.983549783549783,20.034632034632033,6.1826913282559595,0.08706320346320418,260,7,52,2,7,82,47,66,0.23199999999999998,0.596,0.172,-0.7318,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,6,0,6,3,1,0,2,11,7,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,3,2,5,5,1,9,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269831854744454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622822194711503,0.1858008747073355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184473127713158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213563829952308,0.12079894671768095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858625621404844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321822227311707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389982465833346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917688178126379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430969967008396,0.0,0.21066976735652693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908142552337206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439254493650111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713351729511788,0.2045136866573708,0.0,0.18731956923367432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770671105995395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124878909382258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321140012344437
bpd,fedup2050,2019/03/13,Ex friend with BPD never apologized for verbal abuse. I was verbally abuse after I pointed out selfish behavior through a text. She called me proceeded to scream profanities at me. I told her how the call made me feel and she never said sorry. What’s up with that?,2.6128666666666653,5.4616936199999975,3.708000000000002,83.32066666666668,82.8,7.333333333333335,24.333333333333336,8.344100000000001,2.043333333333334,211,8,38,5,6,68,42,50,0.276,0.649,0.075,-0.9143,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,9,5,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,3,9,1,9,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,4,27,11,0,0.0,0.5371185553688885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854748439428618,0.0,0.4628977148360724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460791639312368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511971944079746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447455964238585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496338521178808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427034699419398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560896976652136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537313202939777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658676389216586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilikezelfs,2019/03/13,Cant handle the thought of trying to get a pap smear I've been sexually abused and have never been able to get one and I am so scared but think I may need one but I cant find anyone who will like put me under anesthesia cuz I cant psychologically take that happening. Idk what to do and I'm afraid I have cancer or worse down there I'm so scared. I hate my body and wish I wasn't so broken so I could get something normal done without feeling so violated I csnt take it,0.8938235294117618,2.800290343137256,3.1958431372549043,90.31729411764708,81.84313725490195,6.04078431372549,19.023529411764702,7.1686216300943375,0.1663223529411768,373,9,86,5,10,128,69,102,0.306,0.606,0.08800000000000001,-0.9795,0,0,1,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,3,2,0,14,3,1,1,1,19,28,13,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,5,1,11,1,7,20,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,55,15,0,0.18911205466844572,0.224066860950084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132231545698462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006086047566147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509905874648131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352729022879592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562073702183012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284499191322075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296409729756149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723116539115498,0.0,0.0,0.18670900199548288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239059749214942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022419230650868,0.14585487494866986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528966128400007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256294445003564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010984804177414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37866831517558025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558769886282782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843774596501588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117536862145205,0.0,0.15013384738525354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839467147858166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174695299042244,0.18229727222097344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927213400019704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,destructionFoxtrp,2019/03/13,"I just got diagnosed with BPD, I got questions. I'm 21, and today I got diagnosed with BPD.

This is a hard thing for me to talk about, but I have tried to commit suicide by ingesting pills.
I called my local help line and they tried to talk me down, but eventually I ""gave up on life"". And started swallowing pills.

After about 10-15 min, I got a knock on my door and surprise surprise, it's the police there to check on me.

After a weekend hospitalized, and getting my stomach washed.
I seen a psychiatric how released me home and set me a psychiatric appointment for this morning.


After the talk, I received several papers and on one of them he wrote on the ""diagnostics"" line: ""**BPD**""

So I asked if what that meant. If that means what I thought was ""Bi-polar Disorder"".

And he explained to me that the BPD stands for ""**Borderline Persenality Disorder**"".


I knew something was wrong with me, I know I wasn't completely right. But now I finally know for a fact that
I. AM. NOT. OK.

I just had to take this stone of my chest.

Now my question is this.
Beside professional psychological and psychiatric help,
What is your method of dealing with this?
What do you do?
And how can use this sub for its essential best and help myself and others.


TL;DR
Tried to end it, 
didn't work out, 
got diagnosed with BPD, 
what now?",1.5157142857142851,4.17147975793651,2.9804563492063494,87.72044642857145,86.73809523809523,6.6420634920634924,22.954365079365076,7.865858978985527,1.4655888888888886,1017,38,202,22,32,331,134,252,0.057999999999999996,0.8420000000000001,0.099,0.8845,0,0,2,0,0,2,57.0,0,2,2,2,11,5,0,0,10,1,13,11,2,3,2,41,34,20,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,2,0,20,18,2,0,9,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,16,2,34,4,34,18,1,25,0,0,1,0,21,10,0,4,12,140,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869307815920065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956294503705226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5974436197069313,0.0,0.0968755363821419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947212058046496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780948918999284,0.0,0.2888810889319667,0.0,0.0,0.21746444780680527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402896772789578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392830067307901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049567020023786684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793914421754758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849872185731352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907733204984594,0.0,0.09516495755103292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427900437934767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701132613248413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334407893839302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428813199516815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125580588603104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102068569607658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717903844447106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303756584530043,0.0,0.0,0.06715131762930875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377523065611732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133239139141616,0.2287650168750021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302914267717055,0.0,0.0,0.07531825044051496,0.0,0.0,0.08992813571281788,0.0,0.0,0.19323681215275332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193946908440065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906838585679388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372829944981103,0.0,0.0
bpd,brazenandblue,2019/03/13,"I Feel Like I Am Drowning It obviously isn't a new feeling while living with this disorder, but lately I've been feeling like it's happening even worse than usual. I didn't even know that was possible. You know that ""this is it"" sense? Like you're watching the end of the movie of your life story play out in front of you and all you can do is watch with tears welling up in your eyes? Everyone tells me I'm overreacting. I am sure I am. But what in life is more serious than life? How can I not overreact about it? Or to get therapy. Or meds. I grew up in adolescent psych wards and residential treatment facilities. I've been on almost every med in the book. I've talked to more than a dozen qualified therapists. It doesn't help. Besides, it's not like I am suicidal or physically self harming myself or have a want to do either. My situation isn't dire. It's more of a slow degredation of desire. Of myself. Of anything and everything. It's all too much and yet, not even close to being enough. Life used to be achieving something and it's becoming more and more about just merely surviving. Feeling something. Anything. And then turning it all off because I am feeling too much. ",1.971627599867944,4.5179567553648114,3.6045708154506433,85.1810985473754,82.30472103004291,7.18976559920766,25.27055133707494,8.263242389622931,1.9003220204688007,936,38,184,21,26,310,127,233,0.091,0.74,0.16899999999999998,0.9645,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,5,0,2,11,9,0,0,7,0,22,5,1,2,5,39,35,16,2,2,11,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,15,11,0,0,7,2,0,2,7,2,1,1,4,8,18,7,29,29,12,21,0,0,3,0,9,11,0,5,12,131,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388427454566925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036163923919621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541647308811046,0.13663523221263926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178990810717626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957616044958288,0.12783228886226308,0.0,0.2451408840722147,0.0,0.10423654650786056,0.11821648488088013,0.1111884762852067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31277407658813405,0.1767662853862914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463680187911013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940215472305913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292460938046704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598278337055916,0.0,0.13955768025146698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495386899436941,0.241766668746222,0.0,0.10924399835428658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748424398677633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818918286739819,0.0,0.0,0.11948623472674055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947184449540212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906336462493848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906260877601828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048612044902544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353258481276352,0.0,0.11660140358160463,0.0,0.0,0.09943869307673288,0.10813373565561736,0.0,0.1414806803859171,0.14364447381767512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456810260896138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685139487397534,0.13625632387297354,0.0,0.07297123867348898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123605465264648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260777547535168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cog_is_mad,2019/03/13,"Sanity is elusive For sanity’s sake

Today after 2 days of no responses 
Her reply was “I love you too”
I was so upset at seeing, that which I thought was, such an obvious lie that I responded “no no no” in pure frustration. 

I expected something, anything, but not that. 

I wasn’t prepared for that. 
I was hoping for an ending not a continuance. 
I was triggered. I reacted awfully. 

#sorrynotsorry

I need to stop thinking about all the good times we’ve had, and the good things she’s done while continuously lying to us. 

It’s been quite the headfuck experience. 

I am emotionally unstable because I can’t reconcile all the lies with the half truths.

I don’t know what is real. 
I wonder if she even knows what is real anymore. 
She’s lived such tumultuous life and I try to keep that in perspective but it’s hard to do when there’s so much deception around every corner. 

I don’t know how I truly feel about anyone or anything anymore.

I just wish she’d be honest. 

Or if she was going to lie to us at least tell us a healthy, at least for us, lie; such as she doesn’t want to see us anymore. 
At least I could deal with that. 

That would make sense and wouldn’t leave me desperately grasping at explanations that I won’t ever be able to comprehend. 

I know there’s confusion, and disassociation involved in decisions. But that doesn’t make understanding come any easier. 

I don’t really expect a response to this. Would it be nice? Of course it would. But I doubt she’ll even read it. 





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bpd,faulkchal2,2019/03/13,"I hate the feeling that he doesn't care. I'm sitting in a school bathroom right now, feeling like I'm going to cry. The whole day my boyfriend has stayed back from me, he didn't say hi, he went to lunch on his own and then was nowhere to be found when I came back from the cafeteria. 
I'm feeling sad and rejected, he spent the day home yesterday for mental health reasons so we haven't seen each other in a few days. I just feel so alien right now. I don't wanna go back out, because I know I'll look crazy.",3.4672739187418102,3.660755963302755,4.12322411533421,93.23550458715596,71.93577981651377,7.32948885976409,26.580602883355173,6.868970318607317,0.8390015727391869,396,12,95,3,7,126,76,109,0.16699999999999998,0.769,0.064,-0.9221,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,6,0,7,3,0,1,0,15,25,6,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,2,0,7,0,1,4,4,3,0,0,7,7,9,2,11,17,4,23,0,2,2,0,8,6,0,0,12,51,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937047773572545,0.0,0.10403903072374593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520135601610272,0.17400974534259026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874733103967695,0.33020467273066817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451841268230746,0.12192689636083047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713117465924428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399172908062454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685015871847568,0.0,0.1814145479066433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119622642044133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379593341935576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833808876486407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433200675152029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719955202313966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547749341095428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29150300720150724,0.0,0.13572387269667124,0.0,0.17272745516645074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819118313034336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582130778937924,0.0,0.19054729486733427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pennythoughts1,2019/03/13,"Extreme sensitivity to alcohol/weed? DOE find this? I don’t think it’s connected to having BPD, maybe it’s just my chemical makeup. Anytime I drink I almost can instantly feel the effects. Weed is much worse. I recently started smoking to help cope (I felt I was drinking too much and waking up was getting difficult) I feel such a heightened sensitivity to my emotions under the influence. It’s almost like I don’t feel I’m living my own life and I’m watching it as a movie. I do feel this way sober as well. Thoughts?   ",0.8283823529411762,3.3656860294117656,3.208014705882352,83.41731617647059,95.56862745098042,6.079411764705883,25.98284313725491,7.413659706084162,2.0049196078431377,413,20,76,9,16,141,65,102,0.034,0.883,0.083,0.5341,0,0,3,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,8,4,1,2,0,15,19,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,2,0,9,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,6,12,2,8,15,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892930435353826,0.3727888666014536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443946920315675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289421337169946,0.0,0.0,0.3646968022062869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093848178060332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764761716245859,0.0,0.1787256149583376,0.0,0.17013051474680638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725156885982876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124767131493015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147767597556412,0.09093963171924617,0.0,0.16436689191933124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700476699734744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273671734786818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379287560495253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317523423300614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927234691620114,0.0,0.1477760417229534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775094137459438,0.0,0.0,0.16736411013930033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969471093319887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DoggyBomb,2019/03/13,"Dealing with jealousy and trying DBT, how much does it help? My biggest priority for me right now is dealing with jealousy, it is eating me up inside.

I have the DBT skills workbook and been going through it, first few chapters of skills are thing I already use well and I’m getting good at it. I don’t really have terrible issues with acting on the emotions that come with jealousy, I don’t lash out or get angry anymore. 

However I feel like I’ve been learning all these things to make me behave but not learning how to actually not feel these things? Does that make sense?

I am not acting on my emotions but the jealousy still makes me feel intense pain every single day, I understand it is coming from fear of abandonment and insecurity/self image.. Still nothing is stopping the feelings

My question I guess is does it get better? Did anyone notice change in the feelings because consistent DBT got the thoughts under control?
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bpd,Justic1ar,2019/03/13,"My girlfriend of two years doesn't even seem to remember me anymore and I'm losing it Hey everyone
This is my first post here, and I greatly appreciate any help. I think you should know my back story, two years ago I met this girl which I learned had BPD and we quickly became friends, I was 20 at the time and never had a girlfriend before. 4-5 months into our friendship I confess that I have feelings for her and we started dating and it was just amazing. Sure there were occasional disagreements but a lot of people including her friends and family were just so supporting of us as a couple. I met regularly with her parents and we had a whole future planned together, we were going to move to another country, study, get married, but a house, find a job and all that. Fast forward to Summer 2018 when she travels to that country just to spend the summer; July to October, we could handle that, we'd done this before, right? But she decided not to return. No problem right? I would just finish up my studies here and join her in a year or so, that was the plan! We talked everyday, I hung out with her friends, I even talked to her brother but in October something just changed. She would no longer say she misses me or even that she loves me, she would not talk to me at all for 2-3 days sometimes. Her reason? I'm not there and her mind is suppressing all our memories. I was fine with that, I didn't necessarily need her to say that she loves me, but it got worse, she proposed that we break up, that she doesn't want to be with me, ignored me for 2 days but then texted and called me again. This went on for a while but then one night in December she confessed that she had indeed slept with someone else. Now at the time I thought this was just a long distance thing, it's hard and happens to a lot of couples ... but no, they've been dating ever since, they actually had a mini breakup of their own, she's met his parents, they travel together, they practically lived in his parents house for a while and the weird part is that she tells me these things herself ... All the while claiming she doesn't know what she's doing and that she doesn't feel anything, that she just had to be with someone. One night she gets drunk and calls me telling me she loves me, the next day the two of them go on a trip and she acts like I'm dead. 
I'm broken, I've had depression for 6 years which she took me to a psychiatrist for and helped me, but right now is the worst I've ever felt in my life. Just last night I was cleaning my desk and saw our photos together and just broke down. I have no one to talk to, our mutual friends have either stopped talking to me or don't even know. And I love her, I really do. But this whole situation is just killing me. We still talk, not as frequently though and my whole future was based on being with her, I'm still planning to move there but she treats me like a stranger
Sorry for the long post, I have no one else to talk to about this",4.511683945560819,5.045301419301167,4.909850249584028,87.30873117453817,69.74875207986689,8.094219036648322,28.05584709245275,8.055295364500962,1.544074073125986,2327,76,502,29,39,738,259,601,0.111,0.789,0.1,-0.7043,4,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,14,1,5,5,33,25,1,0,25,0,45,7,1,1,8,106,81,47,2,8,29,4,4,2,6,4,1,2,1,1,31,39,1,3,16,3,1,11,16,9,0,8,30,7,99,16,61,42,13,81,2,4,1,4,92,20,0,6,51,364,130,3,0.0,0.0,0.06319882882306363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740802229435463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404070054026267,0.06790909675548627,0.0,0.0,0.06422696825014522,0.0,0.0,0.05329399486000283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979834204020927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021618432910348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156606410754656,0.0,0.13225944591850955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851010628154877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051707562689858134,0.14331688296360556,0.0,0.12529930685343904,0.0,0.05577982069162184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627449207081089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820146743799484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110000312839113,0.1171627240466378,0.0,0.061883315617155925,0.0,0.0,0.06105229319859525,0.0,0.06549170166198533,0.0,0.06218212750993617,0.0,0.05919172449781784,0.055086924073864514,0.0,0.0,0.20014129532565866,0.0,0.06767143542119453,0.0,0.07361200854031659,0.0,0.051796463588512885,0.07140085203445047,0.0,0.0,0.057269238522409935,0.0,0.058014452659640614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681783729048745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945439088559262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426675866702662,0.0,0.07165007792543263,0.0,0.1067752798220023,0.05279005695018515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574364796074916,0.06327934332849812,0.0,0.057186447695940376,0.11462549635361853,0.0,0.0724526385629377,0.0,0.11011747248370862,0.2338026314286639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539163320374004,0.0,0.051692785848952406,0.13766451337983407,0.0,0.04802055105596045,0.04994880950302487,0.0,0.06887562177899205,0.18232557347671755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553890351175058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573317712861195,0.07013144417716607,0.0,0.04489814248583315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404908891546287,0.0,0.0,0.061968937625129214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04148849675221422,0.06658660554663133,0.0,0.0,0.07336325405508763,0.16592038710109502,0.0,0.10300343136711672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895732056787077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053572184591852985,0.0727957299534226,0.0,0.0,0.10974606168789283,0.049857313573113834,0.06405173900646523,0.07249628321482966,0.04583920974288107,0.0,0.10343878472826888,0.054144324964224534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349168372052761,0.0610378617374272,0.0,0.0,0.3643753427534159,0.11321050696409195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605061503161868,0.04149717591449572,0.06362879816102539,0.05141416730596995,0.07552703436698954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195348731991487,0.0,0.0,0.1897905691108149,0.0,0.0779012776659778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819858286563453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600354587090014,0.0,0.2169149555537836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599848995320738,0.13801620212630591,0.0,0.0,0.1668196299683994
bpd,daulion,2019/03/13,"Having a little trouble I haven’t posted in a while because I didn’t think I was having any trouble but I guess that’s wrong because I’ve been drinking and smoking more than I usually do. 

My life has been pretty stressful lately. I’ve been trying to balance school, work and a girlfriend all at the same time and for the most part I’ve been doing a fairly good job giving each part is share of my time. However, I’ve noticed I’m not sleeping and I’m drinking alcohol on weeknights and I’m back to about a pack a day of cigarettes. 

On top of that, it’s difficult to talk to my friends about how I’m feeling. It seems like they’ve been having problems, which I have no trouble listening to, but when it comes time to when I need support they bring it back to them. It’s a little bit frustrating. I know I have my girlfriend to talk to but I don’t want to always vent to her and keep burdening her with my emotional weight ya know? That’s not fair imo. 

On the bright side, I have been doing well in school. I’ve been getting A’s on my tests and papers and barely skip class (whoops). I’m still making a decent amount of money at work which helps with bills and expenses. My dog still loves me. And it’s spring break next week!! So, yee, thanks for reading y’all. Just needed a little vent. ",2.3249771167048006,4.077170906015038,3.4264498202026807,91.09555246812687,76.78195488721805,6.12984635501798,23.21935272965021,6.895973343053719,0.6546441974501467,1015,31,215,10,23,327,138,266,0.11900000000000001,0.698,0.184,0.9607,2,0,4,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,2,3,12,18,1,1,13,0,22,7,1,2,1,36,46,18,0,4,6,0,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,11,14,4,1,5,3,3,2,6,9,1,0,9,4,25,9,30,37,9,33,0,0,1,1,16,13,0,3,17,135,36,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529927834425791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755725552316846,0.0,0.0,0.07973063948104926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803083787158225,0.0,0.14294296156794106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800120428000208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099620995885172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561334356177894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22971098340390664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188487564764986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059282608929420125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058321772318204,0.0,0.06125568797208088,0.11247211425246263,0.0,0.09833956675691444,0.0,0.0,0.12915861656245425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858687078789785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634759899452175,0.1042127678886336,0.0,0.0,0.12886960223219382,0.0,0.1322574983146581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281363055912856,0.05727999836094265,0.352530958014741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058182152388638,0.0,0.07826196655143555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387140517548486,0.0,0.0,0.12469141729645085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348424136855394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539298795605221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228832721710842,0.11928034373125747,0.0,0.11218765742147613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727675607808136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373164553132552,0.0,0.10673546999253797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732970086539722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726406147848892,0.0,0.13430378333950074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304826825403934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884742245401368,0.0,0.10794346933179202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751258797369849,0.0,0.0,0.2050995558988222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960167778406074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291288339883528,0.0,0.06915415517431568,0.0,0.09404688927707536,0.1427728579980418,0.10541736065147124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071155339775188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818903258503336,0.0,0.0
bpd,omegakittyxenia,2019/03/13,"Willing hands, half smile I used this technique when I felt like my s/o wasn’t giving me enough attention and it totally worked. I’m glad I’m feeling more rational. ❤️ They give me lots of attention but they also need time for themselves and just because they take that time doesn’t mean they are abandoning me. 🙃 this should be basic stuff but it it’s never been for me. ",1.1984064327485378,3.673277934210528,2.453333333333333,92.51388888888893,85.44736842105263,6.0093567251462,21.60233918128655,7.3871296695380915,0.8488847953216379,297,10,62,5,9,95,57,76,0.047,0.8340000000000001,0.11900000000000001,0.2919,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,1,2,17,17,6,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,3,11,2,3,11,4,4,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,41,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828233213073086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876833040089788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691151978199105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169170049775075,0.0,0.2500735178516424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996960913821575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724305702607847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142587286461204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837071679991368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931208952253933,0.20087563750415324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29815374127584643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582651426337608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037417974165797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494578267175191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961121286284816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emillysux666,2019/03/13,"Explosive anger: Don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so angry all the time. Don’t know if it’s anger towards my shitty childhood, or I’m just an angry person.
It’s affecting my relationship a huge amount, to the point he doesn’t know if he can handle my anger anymore. 
I just go off, it’ll be something as simple as him leaving a cup out & it’ll cause me to go into a full blown explosive rage & then I’ll have a meltdown. 
It’s exhausting & I don’t want to live like this anymore.

I’m in therapy, have been for 6 years now. Am taking lamotrogine however, not finding a huge help anymore. Have done DBT & CBT. I’m just at my wits end now. 
I don’t know how to control my anger anymore but it’s just fucking ridiculous & I’m going to lose my best friend because of it. I feel doomed. ",0.5437343852728489,2.6189390769230805,2.664566074950692,92.68160913872455,84.26627218934911,5.412360289283368,22.998356344510192,6.691623216298621,0.6106210387902689,620,23,137,7,18,209,95,169,0.204,0.703,0.09300000000000001,-0.9542,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,3,8,13,7,0,8,0,16,2,0,4,1,23,32,9,0,3,9,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,10,0,0,2,1,12,3,16,27,4,20,1,2,0,1,7,10,1,3,8,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6054865843064777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5542041754291176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813089878982581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172904586420226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481342886594645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535393663693695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437438580951324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989906049921764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651173565544763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021511734440819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634935181221272,0.10332492964540868,0.0,0.0,0.19055585343470607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491371496895324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24569245608063206,0.0,0.0,0.11834298378133007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054602727244543466,0.0,0.0986905312659759,0.0,0.0,0.12503643222283334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758887578608984,0.0,0.0,0.10565403847498478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999376929967275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604214743652024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403336099808859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781300319927386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517106278618312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659218851407078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197298735318887
bpd,Wylith,2019/03/13,"Incredibly overwhelmed I feel like everything is falling apart piece by piece and I can't seem to fix anything fast enough before another piece falls down. I'm extremely overwhelmed and I feel like I'm going to start losing control of myself if I give in to the emotions I'm feeling. I know if I give in then I'm setting myself up for failure. 

I thought I was doing great today, better than I was in awhile, and it seems that it's all a facade that I can't escape from. I got annoyed and then distracted and then anxious and now I'm panicked because in a few short days if I don't perform well, I might not score high enough to eventually pass one of my classes. Fortunately I don't need that class to graduate this semester, but at the same time, I don't want to fail it. I don't want to lose my chance at losing this minor.  I'm not even sure what to do. It's either try and study and feel like I'm not absorbing anything because I'm anxious about everything else and I remember whatever else I have a problem with and cannot resolve immediately. Or I succumb to these feelings and just let go to the pain that I'm feeling all over and let it be all that I feel. 

I'm in pain from past, in pain from the present, and in pain from what is going to happen in the future and I feel like I can't breathe. 

I understand my emotions, I know I'm overwhelmed but I don't know what to do. ",3.9722181751957737,4.471303169550176,5.245219450009106,84.54856492442181,70.93771626297578,8.160335093789838,30.08941904935349,8.20500826718156,1.9659508650519035,1092,43,233,15,19,365,131,289,0.174,0.7140000000000001,0.111,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,8,5,23,1,4,8,0,21,5,1,1,4,54,58,23,0,7,11,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,16,15,0,1,17,0,0,6,12,14,1,1,4,8,30,9,36,50,11,35,0,7,0,0,2,16,0,7,16,153,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576155637358284,0.0,0.20634106944050595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030433732715756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134096698107816,0.0,0.07771030578506376,0.0,0.0,0.08076897687675022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242803755676866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889665847478225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152579572087017,0.20545523086576264,0.0,0.18872495716818047,0.0,0.06031887986264491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415289604280492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694107317190552,0.26096857011025765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521329937358834,0.1557052186466468,0.0,0.07304043500597565,0.10068543161217183,0.0,0.0,0.08075783179656061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648920260792801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056844320571375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677069531230248,0.0,0.17846588139005748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065058039488231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688071631267096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771585732605642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618837512480954,0.0,0.3887022404580121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717943718587468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738508089964296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034526996322946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166276538694779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463985353418443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607213049434903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250134247255613,0.053251969948191716,0.0,0.08656481698792018,0.0,0.0,0.06200324717339066,0.0,0.0,0.09507188166667044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773094979158047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211156913766003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slybee115,2019/03/13,"It's not my job to make you happy!! Lately, I've been feeling like certain people have only been reaching out to me just because they're sad. 
It really hurts my feelings because these same people aren't helpful at all when I'm feeling sad. 
I feel so used. 

Like yes that's nice that I am able to help but it's not my job to make them happy! And I don't even get basic reciprocation from it. 

One of these people is my sister and I'm struggling to even reply to her messages because they're so depressing. I don't know what to say to her at all. I don't understand what she's looking for either. And mostly I don't know how to tell her that I'm feeling exhausted from talking to her without it starting a fight. 

There's also a ton of guilt too. How can I expect people to be there for me when I'm depressing and negative when I can't do it back? Am I this awful to talk to when I'm in a bad place?  

Also the whole sister thing is really upsetting me. The relationship feels one sided, to me. I recently moved out of our parents house and have started making positive changes in my life and all she wants to talk about is herself and her issues and it's like she doesn't even care to know about what's going on with me. And if I say anything, I'm being too sensitive. 

I guess I'm just hurt that certain people are only around for the good parts of me and not the bad. And I feel helpless and confused about how to move forward. ",2.9834340078526114,3.973789066445186,4.603716399879192,86.4250309574147,73.61794019933555,7.200302023557838,25.641951072183627,7.520522993642371,1.2030983388704324,1123,36,239,13,22,379,139,301,0.2,0.6759999999999999,0.124,-0.9876,3,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,1,1,1,0,25,25,1,4,7,2,21,2,0,7,5,54,51,25,0,3,9,3,7,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,18,16,0,0,11,0,0,4,12,15,0,2,2,10,36,10,39,47,9,23,0,7,1,0,26,11,0,4,13,171,54,2,0.09537560379199714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254367178840708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848599539270494,0.08490450817711945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333795213136705,0.15926929064937154,0.17442024848175697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724178451672356,0.0,0.10089474245817642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429373558161173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898406038761525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375733969543806,0.06813635040594948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982981649844105,0.0,0.05420415356664387,0.0799965313958546,0.0,0.0,0.10506698031753364,0.0,0.0,0.20305820747745407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278565135806643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005064140227902,0.20420311292897952,0.0,0.0,0.09954735099905007,0.18929114013293408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157247812669677,0.0,0.10758783534626283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736660954998795,0.13978710721481186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009148622565403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099186840457688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027383458727652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925795493896855,0.1450748889462423,0.0,0.0,0.10590332106927702,0.1032824846219927,0.0,0.3306071738045651,0.0,0.09964720630015132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220010804213023,0.0,0.09417190254602248,0.10239770514929708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516930164636544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501468651902848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970728934712028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22997789269303884,0.08336248156410994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633633131899046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928936714879298,0.0,0.08237389914697242,0.0,0.0,0.056255002213206035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648345557459274,0.0,0.091938678569127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boosegumps97,2019/03/13,"getting obsessed with particular characters/tropes? Hey all. Just to start things off, I'm 21 and currently in college and  have been living under my bpd diagnosis since I was 18. 
Ever since I can remember, I have had these passing, INTENSE fixations with specific characters to the point where i felt like i *am* them, and would get extremely defensive (cringe) over them if anyone else liked them. 
These characters always have/had these specific traits- they all  are characters who are reluctant villains, who are forced to do things they don't want to do (think Jekyll and Hyde). Particularily if the character has some sort of body horror/forced transformation-type attribute (I have a big thing with body horror, dunno why but it makes my heart race in a good way).
There is one particular character I got fixated on- Crona from the anime Soul Eater. I remember the first time I saw them in the show, I felt butterflies in my stomach, and like I was overwhelmed. I felt like I *was* them. For anyone who doesn't know, Crona is a character who has this torturous backstory and who has a demon who lives inside their blood and who rips out of their body, controlling their every move and making them hurt their friends and smile while they do it. 
The devotion and obsession with this character (and later others, like Tetsuo Shima from Akira and Venom from spiderman) got to really embarassing points. I would try to emulate the character, and feel this weird rage whenever anyone tried to ""claim"" them. If I had known about the term at the time I'm sure I would have claimed to be otherkin of this character lol.

Point is, all these characters *still* stir those feelings in me. I gravitate towards any character with that trope. The ""oh this is me""-ness that I feel reaches an intensity I can't quite describe. It's this concept of being two-sided and having these tasty grotesque painful abilities forced on me, and using them to hurt others but still not be held accountable for them. I am almost positive in some way this relates to my bpd but I'm too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone I know. It feels like such an innate part of me and I don't know why, or how to handle it. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing.
Thanks in advance if ya read all this!!!",5.440070093457943,7.182499210280372,5.589334112149533,78.81217873831778,68.57943925233644,9.64906542056075,29.26285046728972,9.978442167317967,2.965085046728972,1834,68,332,46,32,579,215,428,0.10400000000000001,0.774,0.121,0.7062,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,1,16,4,12,24,4,4,16,1,38,7,6,6,6,73,67,27,0,9,12,0,7,6,1,3,1,0,0,0,36,22,0,3,15,2,1,3,5,12,0,2,13,9,47,12,46,48,8,36,2,3,1,0,27,20,0,13,17,229,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565191564144495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117277696646825,0.0,0.0,0.05816739094132223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990436858557998,0.17528341341601114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850335310180679,0.21545911306070767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593586063749693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290864994612676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737217948134832,0.07206774161603173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299822061197495,0.06110691215525019,0.24638382741847495,0.0,0.0,0.07275685011935781,0.0,0.0,0.06608487618213066,0.0,0.08937802513169528,0.0,0.0,0.07174351117438724,0.13682185387476226,0.0,0.0942275114300857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136053313198506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313604425883984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907254735045611,0.1410249920660876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25073131830865386,0.0,0.15105965249731698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419184478800135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909111965781634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057961385154649825,0.0,0.09101629997888804,0.0,0.0,0.09262711720498906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24257741039952754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097803009145086,0.08555911458286063,0.0,0.05479653094862938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379115350122786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151247216815532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054279793115041,0.0,0.13661826801060692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061663693695018,0.0,0.0,0.06875057049927732,0.0,0.07875002660272583,0.0,0.0,0.2273051837905905,0.0548079940774915,0.0,0.0,0.09975342083051156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614661418465501,0.0,0.08355621122444996,0.0,0.0,0.07387561248980487,0.0,0.0,0.050451329694870574,0.13578893899844266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436581250297354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276010785507932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228689114465896,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Heinzo_,2019/03/13,"Zyprexa Withdrawal? Has anyone else here had to deal with coming off Zyprexa? I’ve been slowly tapering off of it for the past 2 months and just last week I went completely off. Since going down to 0mg, I’ve had insanely bad headaches, nausea, diarrhea, and the worst part is the insomnia. I haven’t been able to sleep for longer than an hour or two for days despite taking melatonin, Benadryl, and trazadone. It feels genuinely awful. Have any of you had a similar experience?",4.242612359550563,6.644647011235961,4.393693820224719,83.37683286516854,73.26966292134831,8.49494382022472,29.10252808988764,9.188382445141503,2.701616853932584,380,16,70,9,8,118,68,89,0.125,0.863,0.012,-0.9009,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,9,2,1,0,0,8,14,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,6,1,3,0,14,8,2,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,42,5,0,0.2336649593687611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890018508363604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633839725715542,0.23941736412066875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510048088104232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128167238670824,0.2449932642362553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069456817306734,0.2408983129152575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519709031989727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22856916705301705,0.0,0.0,0.11814802430331273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327971812203687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301129167565092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046812873222468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650914127439785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530363805123049,0.2230596434587456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932900690169036,0.0,0.2338337094079195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175686969482314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22825671245674545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874319359525453,0.0,0.0,0.21660975832389465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GraduatePigeon,2019/03/13,"Getting a new puppy - my nerves/excitement are making me so agitated :( Hey.

I've never posted here before. It's a bit scary because, y'know, feelings..

I am getting a new puppy tonight. I have a dog already, and SO and I have been working up to getting a 2nd one for months. Practically, financially, logically etc we are ready for her.

But today I have been so worked up. My heart is in my throat. I can't relax my neck and shoulders and my stupid grumpy face. I'm walking down the hallway and I want to punch the walls for no reason. 

Trying to do some mindfulness/grounding stuff but I'm really having trouble bringing myself down. 

Keep thinking about calling SO to complain, but last week we had a thing where he was feeling shitty and then was kinda resentful because he doesn't really get to have a bad day like a normal person because I get upset then he has to look after me. So yeah I'm trying not to lean on him too hard because he's going through the same stresses obviously. (And of course I think that I'm going to make him want to leave >.> classic).

Okay, deep breaths. 

I'll be fine, right? This sucks.",1.7885909090909138,4.329682495454545,3.3429090909090924,86.76936363636366,83.13636363636364,5.3381818181818215,24.25454545454545,6.742157984588678,1.0129963636363641,879,34,166,10,25,289,140,220,0.204,0.723,0.073,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,0,2,9,12,3,2,11,2,19,6,6,3,2,30,42,17,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,6,1,0,4,5,8,0,1,5,4,21,4,22,36,4,27,0,0,1,0,13,10,1,2,13,105,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522695126430255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521143438271915,0.33645669220210195,0.0,0.11741478964746115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064352003601547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089777391532274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889886958479074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388937972179687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953838850626515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36045647032180905,0.0,0.1568397336725092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360715981973247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351249627123698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264711317167425,0.0,0.0,0.07583276507083546,0.11247592120909168,0.0,0.14610584028556567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741233904232652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587236902078593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842116750786083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013804576327184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642228265545467,0.2665329049057649,0.0,0.0,0.1351956779863473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935019822916139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048289001734427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321511697182046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679302358734567,0.1418712202964862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783815276789099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806097130273372,0.0,0.15795943262748025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167088231618467,0.17683000770251173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079333139699442,0.0,0.0,0.18736506440880504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627738648112597,0.0,0.1106829777799947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090896378129874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DaughterOfDiscord_,2019/03/13,"Anyone have paranoid personality disorder? (Trigger warnings suicide&self harm) Theres no PPD subreddit?? Its kinda not well known I guess. Its rough mixed with BPD. The mistrust and paranoid ideations/delusions are bad. Plus low self esteem, I'm on the edge. 

I literally believe some of my family members want me to commit suicide. I believe they want me to kill myself.. my delusions are things like 

•you dont actually love me. You dont want to be alone. You actually hate me. 

•I believe other people have bad motives and will try to hurt me. 

One person has resorted to using my illnesses against me and he uses all of my weaknesses against me. Telling everyone I'm abusive (verbally, we argue, is that abuse? He yells back too!) I'm working on it, and I'll tell him straight up I am close to ending everything or I'm close to self harm and he will PUSH AT ME. 

Does he want me dead? Why would people keep pushing you when you're broken down and crying and begging them to stop. They keep going.. what other explanation is there other than hes trying to get me to kill myself?? 

Ok, so I know I'm delusional. Please don't be mean to me. I'm so lost. I just want to trust people... I want to believe people love and I am loveable. I dont want to believe my family wants me to die so they won't have to deal with me. ",1.1479937304075245,3.707341563218392,3.0922466039707435,86.97968652037619,87.39080459770115,5.769000348310692,23.2347614071752,7.229369725052465,1.1772084291187737,1032,40,201,17,33,345,144,261,0.298,0.626,0.076,-0.9973,0,1,0,0,1,5,44.0,1,3,4,3,12,18,4,0,2,1,21,4,0,4,2,41,48,14,5,9,3,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,4,9,14,0,3,4,0,0,3,7,12,1,1,1,2,39,6,29,41,2,16,0,3,0,2,24,9,0,4,5,123,48,2,0.0,0.1946457338016812,0.16031423880515386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507261624090516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889990201295071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574344330417104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631608484413987,0.13716749971494627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627201542905319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345287818816123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902273024797432,0.0,0.08468308001834712,0.0,0.0,0.08524870085629306,0.0,0.09413994177496184,0.0,0.0718815618836585,0.0,0.2888035873981228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727519574725327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848861143992418,0.07382243788199701,0.0,0.15486919763725154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291493553137582,0.0,0.04668224607887311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904868410852838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109657659033825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793292894152617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460202101566575,0.1817522241607399,0.0,0.04514218070874743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012961927743837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966588025287747,0.0,0.14826972107768574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947490656211002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566041772697337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277830671999709,0.14344354682028682,0.0,0.09016542304454617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25707085489938564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686729991987672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984819606310282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435885489231616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545703896116937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153579311195748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188575514706028,0.0,0.0,0.3875879885486104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738540270465597,0.0,0.07411887745396536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059799143157649476,0.0,0.0,0.05835013822962491,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,necro-dog,2019/03/13,"Destroyed but still moving forward. I had an argument with the girl I'm going out/getting to know this evening, I felt destroyed, like everything was over between us, I cried for 45 minutes. 
I love her so much, I know she's the one but I feel know she hates me and I fucked up everything. Sadly I also feel angry at her, a part of me feels like I hate her, like she disgusts me, I dont wanna look at her neither be close to her. But the other half knows that I love her and she means a lot to me. I began having a lot of delussions that she was actually fake, never was interested on me, played pretend all along and know this was the moment she abandons me or even began thinking this delusion that she was abandoning me because she has another girl (stupid thing that theres not even the smallest prove of but you guys know how it is).
 I had an exam at 4pm and this discussion took place between 1:50 to 3pm, so you may understand how I was feeling, I didn't wanted to drive to the university, had the impulse to take two of my sleeping pills (i take half of a pill for sleeping) and just sleep until i freaking wake up, not go the examn neither my 7am class tomorrow, just curl un in my bed forever. Also felt like cutting my skin, i dont know i still feel so empty like a stuffed animal whose filling has been removed and just the exterior languidly remains. My body hurted and still hurts now, i dont know if im the only one but been drepressed makes my bones hurt. I wanted to blow all the cash remaning in my bank account into icecream or ask mom to buy me some on her way back home.
But you know something? I dont know how i did it but i didnt took the pills,i didnt harmed myself, i dragged my ass to the university, i rocked that exam, i didnt emptied my accound for lots of iceream , i returned home and made myself eat dinner because i felt like i didnt wanted to eat but knew that i needed to eat, i did my homework in the dinning table rather than my room to fight the desire to craw into bed and sleep to oblivion. 
Yes i feel like an useless soul dragging her empty rotten corpse from point A to point B, yes i just wanna disappear, yes i feel so angry, sad, sleepy and empty at the same that im so overwhelmed with everything i may scream, yes i feel she hates me, yes i feel i hate her, yes i feel she will leave me and this is over, but i kept walking forward, that my head its just taking a small campfire and trowing whole a gasoline barrel over it, that me and that girl still have some hope. 
Of course dragging your rotten corpse from point A to point B its hard, doing anything feels like so much work, like an extremely complicated and long mission, but i kept moving forward dragging myself. 
You know why? Because i know, not feel, KNOW, that if i dont keep moving forward i would felt worse afterwards, if i dont keep moving forward it will only get me deeper into the rabbit hole, if i dont keep moving forward it will kill me. 
I dont know whats gonna happen tomorrow, but i know that today i have survided and i will keep dragging myself to my goals even if all i can do in this state is 1 milimeter a day, that would be 1 milimeter of victory. ",3.878356536266186,4.536393794793267,4.961507378532649,85.92431035082836,71.23583460949466,7.467757204510652,27.85775442015871,7.435244526350478,1.4315148545176113,2480,85,520,25,44,817,266,653,0.20199999999999999,0.685,0.113,-0.9971,0,0,1,0,1,1,65.0,1,5,0,2,28,41,12,1,31,6,47,19,10,5,5,120,117,45,1,16,27,1,18,9,0,9,2,1,6,4,30,22,4,8,36,3,4,20,19,27,0,5,30,22,107,14,58,76,15,67,1,9,1,4,36,33,2,15,33,358,137,8,0.0,0.0,0.0462956604609942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587724519794971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974611941633751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03903997489504518,0.0,0.04435101515071522,0.0,0.0,0.03647926990970817,0.0,0.08675894454602594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269635625345659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521118097936454,0.0305955783997472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448048340310234,0.0,0.0,0.14563223650653592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533757028763645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791097824098818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878516870916619,0.10167577270233023,0.18220354494238247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043858523325722494,0.04957202301863555,0.0,0.05392372954846002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697413785922447,0.04195199928334138,0.0,0.04249789833416958,0.1873530187889767,0.048688245179456635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517456292557816,0.04711970688826584,0.0,0.0,0.15236000439981204,0.0,0.10248903644204456,0.0,0.0,0.16867128260695222,0.05248653719401008,0.0,0.3910857362647117,0.0,0.0,0.050233264444711885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859588245055813,0.0,0.0,0.041983871838962405,0.039838567325439236,0.0,0.0,0.12099815483609586,0.08563487204653937,0.044889906513623526,0.03166729601616502,0.0,0.0,0.05167725493196128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556243132970372,0.0,0.2521118542720109,0.06974931970483562,0.035176967172297874,0.03658949332205083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429462084991593,0.072162173570257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137407745885913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956584181489378,0.0,0.179388657773659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990140588152515,0.0,0.0,0.036522468907459485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154606328812878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700938687657648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03151775222858018,0.030398334937601638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496860625713913,0.0,0.10541759333146293,0.0,0.0,0.046343051550593636,0.04938784787577642,0.05706579010188233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394595226074196,0.0376565291065031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280820480992117,0.052966282858102745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034537678600709845,0.0,0.04834652379977302,0.06740157848646312,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,caution_hott,2019/03/13,"Having good dreams I’ve been having really good dreams lately. Like, very nice dreams when I sleep. But I wake up feeling like shit because they were only just dreams and life isn’t as good as my subconscious thinks it should be. Does anyone else deal with something like this? ",3.968653846153845,6.569780096153848,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,74.96153846153845,5.6984615384615385,18.09230769230769,6.742157984588678,-0.035350769230769075,223,4,42,2,5,64,41,52,0.051,0.499,0.45,0.975,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,1,0,0,0,7,4,3,0,0,7,9,5,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,7,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564464282957388,0.2280764112859338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569275545459247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294872090683277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479569019666187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859508061043559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255147462922284,0.15902297835855814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601101294007045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25109853859180226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722648525685864,0.3262482066178505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929466274476362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260101268133327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284921002359684,0.0,0.0,0.22275724852002105,0.0,0.0,0.17136565461888842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426308440183894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366541808691664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,___harrywallace,2019/10/24,"Help So I was diagnosed with bpd a few months ago, and I’ve been reading all these things about it and how it’s commonly found among people that have been abused or neglected mentally or physically when they were younger.
I’m 15 and my upbringings has been completely normal, apart from my nan dying a few years ago I’ve never had to deal with any tragedy and my parents have always been supportive, I’ve never been bullied at school.
I just want to know if this is normal, I feel like a bit of a freak and a sense of belonging would be nice.",10.862155963302753,6.417053908256882,9.976949541284403,72.06799311926608,60.37614678899083,14.202752293577984,40.0940366972477,11.698219412168324,4.244777981651376,432,14,90,9,4,138,77,109,0.122,0.7490000000000001,0.129,-0.2973,1,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,14,1,0,1,3,23,20,11,1,5,4,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,9,1,7,3,10,9,4,11,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,9,59,13,2,0.0,0.2151962292526637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219996623159837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112676302099734,0.0,0.0,0.12351140254764074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828773946015865,0.0,0.22875065234268346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904306257706232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724766421048056,0.0,0.1843458120647092,0.18849834121362224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183518686434612,0.12975311946282844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991427190020779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173958086904013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981649100681066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873292603112941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303553973530934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144971546852712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801611891556316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559083771580381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016733533325895,0.0,0.0,0.1259160840354788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167440677412655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381445598678225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610618860641414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066374992066525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712728197303696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290213710636028,0.0,0.0,0.11696071030386343
bpd,saekoxcalibur,2019/10/24,"I'm upset because my favorite person got a job and I don't understand why. Hello. I'm a 19 y/o female.

The title might give off the wrong idea. I'm not envious, I actually supported her decision to go out and look for a job. I cheered her on and even gave her some motivation when she wanted to forget the idea. I was super excited when she told me she had an interview.

However, when she revealed to me that she got the job I couldn't feel happy. I wasn't even able to congratulate her. I felt angst, dread, and had to hold back tears. 

The first thing that went through my mind was that fact that this meant that I wouldn't be able to see her as much. There might even be weeks where we don't see each other. This is because she will work weekends and I commute to and from college during the week.

I'm not sure if this is connected to my BPD. I'm very upset and I wish I could understand what it is that is making me feel conflicted. I hate that I'm feeling this way because I really wanted to be happy for her. I feel so  selfish.

Please, any comments or advice are welcome. Thank you.",1.6447134428992811,3.538402278761062,3.4876738305941863,89.22582595870209,79.30973451327435,6.782638010956595,22.708807416772018,7.793537801064563,1.0102754319426892,849,27,184,14,21,285,123,226,0.13699999999999998,0.726,0.13699999999999998,-0.04,4,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,0,4,10,16,2,3,10,0,21,0,0,2,2,43,52,14,0,7,4,0,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,15,10,0,2,13,1,0,2,7,7,0,1,12,8,34,9,17,31,3,15,0,0,3,0,22,4,0,5,8,122,49,7,0.22896202814564184,0.0,0.11171695565025792,0.0,0.0,0.11186952199849476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785101529076577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802883333072417,0.0,0.20935969081330646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418482962683402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140377433225012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268408902968203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315401619392624,0.0,0.10991972653029727,0.0,0.0,0.09737749208768832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982062032168204,0.06506219851358873,0.0,0.18312184998739625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437343364926492,0.0,0.11302630031936133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584702604225785,0.0,0.0,0.34081422527104993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613521904101016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641696585325101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428925292932467,0.11559318934489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841567176978281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996040574982598,0.0,0.12566577544864313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333946906895072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824530926183612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991169810844233,0.10789700093648308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539873674893864,0.0,0.0,0.07605609884068376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939151492265876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383575460792254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445882603177727,0.1350477364018952,0.09086970031841966,0.18365952820179726,0.0,0.0,0.10612504698170566,0.10330130881805803,0.0,0.13164751637341976,0.0,0.0,0.08334354170731066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516701735796198,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway11838299,2019/10/24,Why would you keep unblocking/blocking an ex but not reaching out I don’t have bpd but my ex does. We are in no contact and just trying to understand anyone’s reasoning behind it,1.91,4.431124444444446,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,82.33333333333334,6.933333333333335,25.66666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.9514666666666671,144,6,27,3,4,48,34,36,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.5702,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,6,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25444458621855875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583143488957081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184478944355318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234475382204561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37414575657397897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470615380352125,0.0,0.0,0.378828632035738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283595938182635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585013203986957,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coochieassassin12,2019/10/24,"Just a heads up about Lithium Orotate Hey guys! I’m not a regular here but I am someone with BPD and I thought it would be helpful to mention this.  It’s a supplement called lithium orotate that anyone can buy on Amazon.

I was extremely skeptical but it ended up actually working better than Lamictal for me, probably twice as good.  I don’t know about others obviously but for me it’s so powerful for whatever reason.

It’s also quite cheap.  So if there’s people out there that can’t seem to find good meds, maybe just give this a shot.

I wouldn’t be telling you if it didn’t absolutely save my life. Cheers",2.063846153846153,4.539801322314052,3.838347107438018,84.12157660521298,81.23140495867769,7.359440559440562,26.663064208518755,8.384062270229773,2.1509982199618576,484,21,94,11,13,162,83,121,0.026000000000000002,0.73,0.244,0.9834,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,4,10,6,1,0,4,0,10,2,1,1,1,20,15,10,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,5,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,3,0,9,5,14,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,1,64,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.19845312734089274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162629460878216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421962632780452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798582058081851,0.0,0.0,0.25612880505030977,0.0,0.2076565432595744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011941532085038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587026149139085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508449207642087,0.0,0.3411427723093217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013615200534744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087092920673243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363100522598799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117630848439726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364142758415535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430564730649567,0.0,0.22589064706786754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409864225974222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925990280802665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163017734746624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090912182366427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851342004942919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723089617394993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774838215572222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144764834271824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805081645136778,0.0,0.0,0.1444633676802285,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vob08,2019/10/24,"Friendzoned For 4 months, he was the center of my life. I strove to be a better person because of him. I had built up the potential relationship in my head, which was my own fault. I guess there's not a whole lot to say. With neurotypicals, there's a lot of explaining to do about why it's so devastating. But you guys probably get it.",2.38401960784314,4.24327367647059,4.100588235294119,85.84931372549022,76.94117647058823,8.062745098039215,23.098039215686285,8.841846274778883,1.5121392156862743,262,8,57,6,6,88,51,68,0.124,0.8320000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.7424,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,5,2,1,0,0,7,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,8,1,11,4,4,4,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,1,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024240892649694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248613286174385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733812275087973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895796704442036,0.2602814861520447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697792741065823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567204019256792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44696338592066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098194053095216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295269373831742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834170766155843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28222276515191497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904385746823254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371982472742576,0.29348367945723397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Saumil21,2019/10/24,"Just been diagnosed with BPD but unsure I feel like I have been misdiagnosed or something, I am unsure about BPD, can you guys share experience
Also the meds I have been prescribed is 
fluoxetine 20 mg in morning 
 Oxcarbazepine 150mg extended release in evening 
Etizolam 0.5 + propranolol 20mg at night",5.5138888888888875,8.354507055555558,6.103481481481483,70.53966666666669,71.03703703703705,10.245925925925926,34.874074074074066,10.355215969177356,4.558167407407408,247,13,39,8,5,80,42,54,0.09300000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.11199999999999999,0.2617,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,2,5,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129688548362063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6708189033840297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703001154887023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758959404922606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605033133254128,0.0,0.0,0.13465487139271656,0.19025267123242715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636898142703641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010612980698308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295811547086653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499148851440044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501926127446635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,quiet_r10t,2019/10/24,"Quiet BPD - high functioning - how can I tell when I'm being paranoid and sensitive, and when I actually have a valid concern? I'm 45/f and in a new and very wonderful relationship, easily the healthiest I've ever had (although it's all relative, right?).  We've been together about 2 years, my relationship before that was an 20 year marriage in which I was secure and felt safe, but miserable.

My new man has PLENTY of issues of his own, which in itself isn't a red flag to me, we all have our burdens and ""normal"" isn't so common.  Our collective issues have made us very compatible and we are deeply in love, but mature enough to be wary of unhealthy dynamics between the two of us.  

My question revolves around...my guy is a huge creative force, very successful in his field, and universally liked and idolized by all who know him.  He's adorable and charismatic, and even somewhat famous in a limited way.  He has some definite narcissistic traits and maybe even a touch of quiet BPD of his own.

Having only realized very recently what has been afflicting me all these years, I recognize instantly when I start splitting and withdrawing, it's very obvious all of a sudden.  However, even upon mature reflection, I am having a hard time determining when to use coping strategies to ride these waves, and when I may actually need to have a discussion with him about how I feel about how he's treating me in a specific situation.

My trigger is his relationship with his unhappily-married 30-something daughter with whom he is very close.  He spoils/indulges her and allows her to dominate his life and her mental well-being is his highest priority.  Nothing about that is bad in itself, but it's something we are going to have to navigate if, as it seems, this is going to continue to be a long term relationship.  I cannot feel like she always comes first and is allowed to ""win"" in every situation.  And yet as a chronic people pleaser, it's my nature to let her do whatever and say nothing and just get really sad about it, and then numb, and then start to do unhealthy things like drink or distance myself.

Can anyone relate, do you have any insight?",8.619925373134329,7.694619027363187,8.950990049751244,66.68872388059704,61.462686567164184,12.517611940298508,38.2592039800995,11.698219412168324,4.615520995024877,1707,73,294,45,20,569,219,402,0.09699999999999999,0.7829999999999999,0.121,0.9022,2,0,3,0,0,0,56.0,7,1,0,4,20,16,0,1,15,0,39,5,0,8,7,68,57,41,0,3,6,1,5,3,0,1,3,3,0,2,19,30,1,3,10,1,0,4,3,5,0,2,7,9,40,11,42,45,11,43,0,2,1,1,42,14,0,8,27,212,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.17434238445789033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432800923906717,0.0,0.0,0.060746068308335836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062460178715934025,0.0,0.0,0.07952081297635227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458510594151269,0.0,0.0,0.07601150503747099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250108486530252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694811817609537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750738223004828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229964988274997,0.0,0.17700080295200502,0.08080224372931047,0.0752626494705806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903337897441262,0.06381590440662674,0.08576883925411109,0.0,0.0,0.07598230753908722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667016632558886,0.0,0.10153426362997638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844871334248358,0.0,0.0,0.08002029624645532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437988225628316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864703406460584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049092304483056265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134387970914216,0.0630949719148033,0.13092337083144373,0.0,0.0,0.07905242362128287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062196130628113,0.08452426492835956,0.0,0.0,0.08974193097104101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002156214140249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623554209775756,0.0,0.17254697900260982,0.0,0.0,0.08752242361595672,0.1714251519497073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793793026509824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061928752197490576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006774621607706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722577131615135,0.0,0.08820057274659067,0.3836191474496649,0.0,0.0762855801182837,0.0,0.0710371701751152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132080958199425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008167140876004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375380381705631,0.0,0.0,0.1264535637300096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780765644608096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934551987775717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052087845248837306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872604260305645,0.0,0.21490104727457185,0.0771506668943234,0.0,0.44222947718952826,0.0,0.07090436781182832,0.0,0.0,0.08031655374519861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687234990026458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257281071120864
bpd,angrehorse,2019/10/24,FP wants a relationship/pushes for one when I’ve made it clear I do not want one. Has any one else been in a similar position or scenario?,3.5231034482758616,4.2588235517241415,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,72.10344827586206,9.937931034482759,28.29310344827586,10.125756701596842,2.6338827586206897,109,4,24,3,2,38,25,29,0.047,0.852,0.10099999999999999,0.3352,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301241199986641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826904110434045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32020297982813695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6879273354071929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363315771620802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991950699836788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frowning_onion,2019/10/24,"A relationship issue. I (17F) and my boyfriend (17M) have been dating for about 1 and a half years. He is the sweetest, greatest guy I have ever met. But he has some flaws (as do we all). He can’t communicate. I know it sounds weird but if we get into an argument he just shuts down. I ask him questions and nothing. It’s like talking to a brick wall. Some backstory: he was beaten by his dad for a majority of his childhood (until he was too big to beat up) and he says confrontation shuts him down. I know this and try to be patient but communication is so important to me and any relationship. I like to talk things through, not just forget them. I want to help him but he won’t let me. I have threatened breaking up with him because I have given him so much time to figure it out. And I know you can’t just “figure it out”, but I have a lot of issues that I have worked on for him. He isn’t putting any effort into being a better version of him. Am I just being manipulative???",1.4666805627931223,3.3637966633663403,3.5691870766024003,88.40929390307457,79.89108910891089,6.232829598749349,22.512767066180306,7.273561745256523,0.7304712871287125,754,24,165,10,19,257,116,202,0.105,0.812,0.08199999999999999,-0.6829999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,1,1,5,9,6,2,0,8,0,22,0,0,1,2,39,30,17,0,2,11,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,14,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,5,2,29,3,28,20,8,21,0,0,0,0,33,13,0,5,8,123,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471375048873517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698739378733202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076847963669643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070736608510958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436672743329786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493576110835306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992106266866345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217961080573174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793152051326881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995885160220599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858103672114531,0.0,0.17754825456077816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448299561700754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357745659238332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435525256032175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266832670662114,0.2035563272507992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901761939822264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450275943971724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921025711796717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071977756969535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595632333286073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336888403532477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717702425072917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228674583812927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170150185251107
bpd,ni_bien_ni_mal,2019/10/24,"Treating illness with medication and gaining weight First, I’m really sorry if my word choice is insensitive.
Next week I’m admitting myself to a mental health institution for depression & BPD. Not a psych ward, but a place for treating conditions that don’t involve severe psychosis. Anyway, the problem is that I’m inevitably going to be prescribed an antipsychotic which causes weight gain in most patients, and, from what I know, in many cases the change in physical appearance is drastic. I’m already stressing about it, bc I know I’m the unlucky one who gets all the side effects. I feel horrible and shallow for my emotions, but I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that at the age of 22 I’m going to become a sack of fat and (quite possibly) ruin my metabolism forever. I haven’t yet learned to accept myself and I’m not keen on the idea of accepting 30+ pounds more of myself. Is there a way to get over it or, at least, deal with the situation in a more healthy manner?",6.740468899521531,6.872156568421056,7.293732057416271,73.53476076555025,64.89473684210526,10.277511961722489,35.16746411483254,10.018931242160765,3.5195263157894736,788,34,142,16,11,260,123,190,0.149,0.765,0.086,-0.8878,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,5,6,9,0,1,15,0,8,6,1,2,2,32,24,9,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,8,3,0,9,0,0,3,5,4,0,2,0,3,12,5,25,23,5,20,0,2,0,0,4,11,0,4,5,90,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723253156454632,0.0,0.0,0.16919818769880854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901459827460896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724653226969109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667676651036656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041828664011554,0.1651954930541991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099304966512865,0.13449949915066714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565783211514935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895867145898695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282874713145978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631732418301673,0.0,0.17749749205691365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598969156404167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628447871586722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164178107978645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583206938316713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731374183607572,0.15737152109927866,0.0,0.15767605211875854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660768449611856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581736509299124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631528955341814,0.0,0.0,0.17604578466700782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942305246116905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609429536478024,0.0,0.0,0.10003944015053172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641519654431315,0.0,0.0,0.17552923436545165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480719123473393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887958198715415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395172833818492,0.12526131299331386,0.3803191320864241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thismodernlove-,2019/10/24,"am i making myself believe i have bpd? tldr: boyfriend thinks i’m making myself believe i have bpd when i don’t.

i haven’t been diagnosed with anything, for the past year or two my mental health has been getting worse and worse. i have many symptoms of bpd, the disassociation, splitting, super angry at the flick of a switch, depression etc. but my boyfriend thinks that i’ve made myself believe i have it when i dont. all my life i’ve had doctors tell me i’m making myself believe i’ve got something like i get headaches constantly. i’m a hypochondriac. i’ve finally been referred to someone so hopefully i’ll be able to find out soon. i just want a reason as to why i’m like this",1.5537317518248166,4.091476759124087,3.0807618613138668,88.22581432481755,84.32846715328465,5.468795620437956,24.62089416058394,6.9077264865688965,1.0980368613138682,544,22,106,7,16,178,81,137,0.068,0.813,0.11900000000000001,0.8194,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,6,0,14,5,0,5,1,18,29,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,18,4,10,22,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,9,62,21,1,0.11901005533497545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979351352267948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363343137486961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496669956497363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860759072038136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102503186272872,0.12079270102301568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181183452318005,0.0,0.0,0.13947889851194886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272767058588164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303696984539179,0.1087730345272275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435568390726648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951832130268362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650212365999827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820383794700975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406032162856382,0.1162846032131529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261019190070895,0.23832040819296274,0.12065751674286172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993414431390875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360856408568637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236215798108095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083683368309783,0.09161975490210712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369701562936873,0.0,0.0,0.10402003394329287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251367608646985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625553122488655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019521408077921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738806410984772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24256282739962276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663857373779072
bpd,Robbydoobydobby,2019/10/24,"DAE have success/motivation for controlling anger outbursts? Last night I ruined the food I was preparing, and as we know with BPD it's these menial yet significantly annoying instances in life that can make you bend your cooking tray over your knee and throw a knife as hard as possible across the room. But for me, this was not the case, I did not act on the impulse to bend the tray, and after that did not act on the impulse of throwing the knife. This is a really big step for me, as these impulses were explosive. I'm not sure exactly what I have done to have this new skill, but new things I have done is try harder to allow myself to accept myself as having BPD and seeing it for what it truly is, just a criteria of symptoms you currently have. So I'm owning it and it's not easy because it's such a difficult diagnoses, but at the end of the day I play the hand you were dealt and make the best of it. Everything is slowly changing for me over time. I still have the same ""busses"" of thoughts and impulses coming like they used to, but it is becoming easier and easier for me to not get on these busses.",7.22954749286588,5.863632085201798,7.55582551977171,76.99898899306973,64.47085201793722,11.517162657969834,32.38035059111292,10.637119530657019,3.094151569506728,877,27,180,19,11,288,118,223,0.064,0.7959999999999999,0.14,0.9725,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,5,1,3,5,9,2,0,16,0,21,7,2,5,2,33,31,18,0,0,11,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,19,11,2,1,3,2,0,6,6,4,0,0,9,3,20,5,32,22,3,29,0,1,1,0,7,12,0,0,12,134,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946498326352396,0.1802049410260797,0.0,0.0,0.171233518315804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110058132960021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260886778916115,0.14055377365973842,0.0,0.0,0.18300547080808088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522910494332724,0.0,0.0,0.16561089474373067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339526286131401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451737821875446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664382302635606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973019748493646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524793263140491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616542773756264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967222092365648,0.1330027415699815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524955530797913,0.07971506978464102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178302480324393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151750764963945,0.0,0.15312101389096586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839460811467597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104528847484837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002283581785395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030523879249806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378280342277253,0.16959280868804893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084007896012338,0.0,0.0,0.12953623470579964,0.09514388896131497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077956496342477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409237500460581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Shadowflame25,2019/10/24,"Pet rabbit for possible BPD & C-PTSD I suspect someone I know has BPD, as well as C-PTSD, and am posting this with their permission. I'll post this in the C-PTSD reddit too. Some background about this person: they struggle with insecure attachment style (I think either fearful or anxious, not sure which, just that their style is NOT secure), distrust people, fear abandonment, have flashbacks to traumatic events, nightmares, unstable self-image, black-and-white thinking (splitting is another name for this I think), and impulsive behavior among other things. They felt they never received unconditional love as a kid and experienced ongoing emotional abuse by toxic people who most likely had severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They have had many bad experiences with professionals, to the point where they fear seeing therapists or psychiatrists even though they desperately want to find out if they have BPD and C-PTSD. 

Anyway, on to the main subject, they want to get a pet. They can't get a dog or cat, but are interested in a pet rabbit or rabbits. They want an animal that tolerates or likes being pet and likes human interaction, especially if that animal can bond with owners or love their owners like a dog or cat can. 

Does anyone here who has or suspect they have BPD (or C-PTSD) own rabbits? Do they provide unconditional love and comfort, and overall make you happier? Does their presence make you feel safe and secure? Anything my friend should know? 

\*Sorry if the flair isn't right btw, if I should change it please let me know what a better one would be. This is my 1st time posting on this sub-reddit.",7.898712033833142,8.94796491695502,7.5346424452133824,69.63964917339487,62.46020761245674,10.712879661668591,34.048635140330646,10.62613485830676,3.831357400999616,1307,52,211,31,18,413,170,289,0.139,0.7040000000000001,0.157,0.8928,0,0,0,0,1,0,52.0,0,2,16,1,9,24,1,5,11,0,24,3,0,2,2,57,43,26,0,10,18,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,4,4,16,13,0,4,11,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,3,4,26,16,22,34,5,16,0,1,1,3,33,9,0,15,7,138,42,1,0.0,0.0985033083828186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007850061093707,0.0,0.0,0.08717600221640093,0.0,0.09392072460009808,0.0,0.05813106261516305,0.0,0.0684143603141228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941561091849029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352759054745693,0.0,0.0,0.4188306854396866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879475278334291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528177715158903,0.0,0.14550684505582556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351751548111756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054910958047538025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132357386545708,0.0,0.2806554561699575,0.04203637658293441,0.0,0.079824199475732,0.0,0.07598537092304182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423115178414374,0.0,0.08687091253041129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370691479513413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501283377739471,0.0,0.16246542621881896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510215519078025,0.0,0.11098868816633713,0.08428749095957729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412009194615746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056335530042109824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527293855638172,0.14518339191919089,0.0,0.09125905097589676,0.07859098463938556,0.0937240554249248,0.2388657227140173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859113400785765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099822519974155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624912797666907,0.0,0.08672963337653275,0.09392072460009808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044139426116057,0.0,0.0,0.09306464742083677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691245342825092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835528705771583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652803169184278,0.05523228083660981,0.15981178099843601,0.0816813139112228,0.0,0.04847763576566011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710840978556694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474981197268307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905787450824871,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Looseends_Newfriends,2019/10/24,"Does anybody else feel like they dissociate ""too often""? Recently I've gotten back into therapy. I feel like I've gotten a good handle on anxiety/depression. And less anger outburts. But one thing i think about a lot is how often i have these dissociative episodes. I have at least one a day even if its just a couple minutes. Sometimes it can be up to a couple hours.  And sometimes it honestly feels like im in that state more than a clear or ""ok"" state of mind. At least a few times a day ill feel confused and out of place, even if im relaxing at home. Sometimes ill get weird thoughts just like wondering if im even myself, or ill space out so hard ill have to like shake myself back into reality. I know this is a symptom. But it worries me that its like all the time...i never 100% feel completely myself or connected to things around me.",3.1016071428571443,4.868003089285717,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,74.65476190476191,7.6571428571428575,25.690476190476193,8.418075326091056,1.6809833333333333,661,23,134,12,14,217,99,168,0.14,0.71,0.151,0.4598,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,14,14,1,2,10,1,7,5,0,1,3,36,19,13,0,3,10,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,1,0,11,8,0,0,9,1,0,1,1,4,0,2,3,6,11,10,18,15,7,24,0,0,0,0,1,13,0,11,14,90,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286797493955108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770850533000315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115666053406113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557176405537045,0.0,0.14904614375736286,0.0,0.0995268934323144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112249311361687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965309298720895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896790765660105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921390536574625,0.2476564037592713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037243987222597,0.0,0.0,0.09692160479527284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351410556357986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591055251930706,0.0,0.11379787369617515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744559620554713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350571326263488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387244552868326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824027590113807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667707117981405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912272895178404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660539534204213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072982389929925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140960959446988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34285896888200584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010533662501112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214660412276566,0.0,0.15353850704155084,0.07404263681335856,0.0,0.09173733954187924,0.13476147838946295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531389065198853,0.0,0.1173511707735341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PersonVA,2019/10/24,"DAE feel a lot closer to people that could potentially be in a relationship with you? I'm a straight guy, and my female friends are much more important to me than most of my male friends. That's not to say i don't have male friends which i would call ""good"" friends, but they don't compare to the level of comfort and connection i had with female friends so far. My relationship with all my relatives is pretty distant as well. 

I feel like this is because i'm subconsciously seeing romantic relationships as the only way people could truly be close to me, without the fear of being replaced or feeling like the person is basically obligated out of decency to not abandon me (in the case of my relatives). This is obviously not very reasonable, but i think this is why i channel most of my love for other people into my female friends, because i just feel like i can't let my guard down around anyone else. I also struggle with crushing on people way too fast and idealizing them as the perfect partner for me. I'm scared that the only reason i care for those friends is because i'm seeing them as an opportunity to give me emotional security in the form of a relationship, and i know that that wouldn't be fair to them. There is also my concern that this is not caused by BPD primarily but by some underlying narcissistic motivation that i might have. Just wondering if anybody can relate.",11.619773584905658,7.8002571849056626,11.35405660377359,60.85900943396227,58.283018867924525,14.373584905660374,45.367924528301884,12.161744961471696,5.3728566037735845,1114,50,199,25,10,373,139,265,0.04,0.67,0.289,0.9974,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,4,4,9,23,0,3,13,0,26,1,0,4,3,50,42,16,0,6,12,0,4,3,8,3,0,1,0,5,14,12,0,3,10,1,0,0,9,4,1,0,1,7,31,19,39,31,8,17,0,1,2,1,25,14,0,8,4,152,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500897555556655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561603992622476,0.09615153234380593,0.0,0.08353867930722196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716144114775062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181898701907183,0.0,0.09582249012281756,0.0,0.095677490234773,0.09640089579779293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984933229424605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783923898429142,0.10555886566590572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559758580637177,0.18979598446219847,0.2011207949236211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075110519678514,0.0,0.0,0.09002115474753201,0.0,0.07870965541697032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291767051289364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157274086071164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595911797290983,0.0,0.1375384013360244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978054305415097,0.08469546422629673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955082161473586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898417514606618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427411203881983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602310502666038,0.08193862981535696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547036927987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296903319057646,0.0,0.403001877564274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462639221151128,0.09395154218350082,0.0,0.14955878082506646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810333335875948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012973518188771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742892519245778,0.0,0.14897375975960112,0.0,0.0,0.08437462565148411,0.0,0.08467720433097044,0.0,0.0,0.09045969348169228,0.101766919491401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666218846445816,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,conros,2019/10/24,"Need help with splitting I work with this older man, he’s 62. He’s the nicest guy, but he can be very annoying and complain a lot. Long story short the other day at work he snapped on me, which he has never done. He told me I need to drop my bad attitude and stop complaining about things, I’ve been sick and a little whiney lately. Anyways I split on him and it’s been a few days and I’m not angry anymore I’m just indifferent to him and don’t want to talk to him anymore, and I know he feels really bad about it because my other work friend told me. I’m new to knowing what BPD is and I’m struggling with it, any advice would be appreciated.",1.6056326034063275,3.2385941313868654,3.418704379562044,90.88649939172753,78.48905109489051,6.318491484184915,21.635644768856448,7.1686216300943375,0.4856914841849149,504,14,114,6,12,169,84,137,0.23600000000000002,0.653,0.111,-0.968,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,1,1,5,0,10,1,0,0,1,24,22,9,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,9,11,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,1,12,1,13,14,2,14,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,1,8,64,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053106529624214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117150247516819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258402913564403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743313991638045,0.10014265904286897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069030410254571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189210578373244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681139589350326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830641540943438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692117454341406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626615594305722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101124269461547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056635312113356,0.0,0.18531332238128329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465023131503356,0.0,0.14538131779501826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396637202996316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436208772338493,0.12670171957973553,0.15866121517743845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524102443253376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373441959219429,0.0,0.17173957441452153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320408490173967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913934690214848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139503255433677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554698097054213,0.09689572549855907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587901502613837,0.0,0.0,0.11669874493010235,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MistyOctober135,2019/10/24,"Blackout from boredom? Does anyone else blackout from boredom? There are gaps in my memory, I don’t remember what I was doing or whatever. I know that I must have been, for example, in the office, but I just don’t remember being there. What do you do?",2.3100000000000023,4.699489795918371,4.366693877551022,81.21044897959185,79.61224489795919,8.001632653061224,26.126530612244892,8.841846274778883,2.4531518367346936,196,8,36,5,5,67,34,49,0.08800000000000001,0.912,0.0,-0.4291,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,0,1,7,12,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,5,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24071916637659402,0.35274174939019004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012699653867173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875905152836462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891998846883305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7799737484587552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,not_aishwarya,2019/10/24,"18 yo here, officially diagnosed recently I've had my suspicions regarding BPD for months now, so getting diagnosed was mildly relieving.  

That being said, what are some things I should work on to manage it well, being a college student and all.",7.315038759689922,9.072889186046512,7.837209302325583,64.40294573643413,64.11627906976744,12.24496124031008,37.58914728682171,11.855464076750405,5.482463565891472,197,10,29,7,3,65,40,43,0.057,0.8390000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,2,3,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,23,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928814393245759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6332314005290071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297740512760106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489900221280197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080061977222058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29672934120287825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724114776343247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28047432757930746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270983064523598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamlost4321,2019/10/24,"My former FP came back into my life even though I’m crazy I basically harassed him, verbally abused him and said everything I ever wanted to say. That was months ago. I should have been served with a cease and desist or something. I am kind of creeped out that he messaged me. I feel like he just wants attention or to know I’m still fond of him. Can anyone rationalize this? My harassment was... really bad. I’m too ashamed to say the extent of it. 

We were close friends who grew apart in the last month or two of our friendship which is why I flipped out. I went from normal clingy to psycho.",2.5341448382126366,4.661488254237291,3.293636363636363,90.55529275808941,77.47457627118644,6.6637904468412925,22.59167950693375,7.686295010490155,0.8895322033898307,466,14,98,7,11,147,88,118,0.153,0.758,0.08900000000000001,-0.8479,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,2,0,0,0,7,8,2,1,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,21,19,6,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,1,7,4,16,4,14,11,1,17,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,3,9,61,22,0,0.0,0.2366972816355244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770859206558489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968530321965866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361242026608748,0.16680136613910687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848607226561424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194759359089325,0.18070530933780588,0.0,0.0,0.1795422897701869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101078055489247,0.1427172342528432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543434354970094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080319092775547,0.10978952635814554,0.1628409316831235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110494822050154,0.09759856135060238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189123821890504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573425072822426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797912818389395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002902256810628,0.3177335979426543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379432913142596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953826393118026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962750823359824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514832201475107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23566153106008755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519074604186786,0.18026325538791368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mae_Lemon,2019/10/24,"Accept it or run like hell?          I guess thats a bad title because there is absolutely no running from it. The faster you run the quicker it follows. Guys, I'm fucking over it. Im over myself. I'm so tired of being me and having this mental illness that has no real end too it. I'm freaking out a little. I've spent too much time trying to accept myself to throw in the towel now, but some days I just really want to stop feeling anything at all. And medicate till I'm at an acceptable emotional level for people. 

       The bad part is that I totally want to be who I am. Emotional, sensitive, a little chaotic, but alive nonetheless. No one else wants me to be that though. Or at least thats how it feels. And thats such a fucking bummer. 

       The only worse feeling then splitting on someone you love is splitting on yourself. But how do you trust yourself when everyone around you is telling you you're wrong?",2.6686666666666667,4.631297811111111,4.2030555555555535,84.96625000000002,76.44444444444444,6.722222222222222,26.25,7.645422480735847,1.5558333333333327,706,27,136,10,16,235,111,180,0.19899999999999998,0.645,0.156,-0.9029,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,5,0,0,12,13,3,0,10,0,11,6,0,2,2,28,27,15,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,14,5,0,1,6,0,1,5,3,7,0,1,1,3,13,6,19,23,6,27,1,0,0,3,9,13,3,4,10,97,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370113386321208,0.1338172992399131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25102302320737296,0.0916341078767876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096944420415851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557366212556687,0.33818112594985994,0.13313952902080528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363787757262528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280199985617582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27793814312347703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559520627638907,0.1488411335062202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623721589282839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343910454092657,0.30132167854263064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567030715140715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143229795365748,0.1514879170400689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105030159070478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186120152256202,0.11432567152864173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278267724101222,0.0,0.10421345122352348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109787417340994,0.09629929420773804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736624739312746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567484212671462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313869237376072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768933159445813,0.0,0.08765321320971338,0.17277153984580426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205789287177948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659891433280297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318964288411258,0.0,0.16435209557253871,0.0,0.0
bpd,meggh1,2019/10/24,"How to overcome extremely intense anger? (DBT isn't always working) I'm talking about that type of anger that makes you feel like you're burning from the inside, and that can last for hours and even days.

I usually overcome most of the bad feelings pretty well with dbt and some other healthy coping techniques. Even intense sadness and emptiness are easier to overcome. Most of the times I do also handle well ""normal"" anger (not the actual normal one, but what is normal to my bpd ass so it's altready intense).

But it gets so hard when I'm this angry, I just want to fight with my boyfriend even if he did nothing, I want to destroy every single object I see and I want to hurt myself so much.

It doesn't happen very often, sometimes I go months without an episode and maybe the fact I can't ""practice"" is one of the reasons I'm so bad at handling this.

I know I should try to stop it before it starts but sometimes I spiral so fast that when I realize what's happened it's already too late.

The only thing I've learned and I'm able to do (putting in a tremendous effort) is not acting on it, but it's really difficult cause it's literally the only thing I can think of and I know it would be temporarily relieving to let it all out. Acting on it is  the only thing (besides cannabis, wich I don't have today) that makes me feel a little ""better"". I don't do it cause I don't want to hurt loved ones and I regret breaking objects and hurting myself, but even if I don't damage anything this is not the solution because, while I stop myself from doing anything, the rage is still here and it only grows bigger, leaving me in such pain I usually start crying for hours. I feel like I'm burning alive and sometimes I get suicidal.

Unfortunately today I failed at holding myself back and broke my phone screen, plus my hand is swollen cause I punched the wall. I didn't know what to do so I decided to make my first post here because I love reading your advices and I hope you can help me too.

I don't want this day to go wasted, my mind is telling me that everything is already ruined and there is no hope to fix this day cause it's too late. I know these are lies but my emotional mind believes them.

Sorry for the shitty writing but my mind is so cloudy right now I can't even remember how to talk.",3.4382590996168574,4.903479372844829,4.3901149425287365,86.54415708812262,73.1594827586207,6.707279693486591,27.113026819923373,7.1686216300943375,1.3243756704980845,1815,66,362,18,36,588,219,464,0.217,0.659,0.125,-0.9958,0,0,0,0,1,3,44.0,0,3,1,5,32,29,6,0,16,0,37,6,2,10,2,82,72,38,1,15,14,0,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,34,19,0,3,14,1,0,6,15,19,2,4,2,8,52,10,37,66,6,45,0,9,2,3,14,11,1,8,28,246,86,5,0.07034651024788788,0.0,0.06864804639583896,0.0,0.0,0.06874179565432212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552582466706708,0.056256078829741804,0.058533931867683665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577836804576808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409212414968968,0.11747279536258062,0.08576515942882114,0.0,0.059859698955651165,0.0792564275182898,0.0,0.06221577166573816,0.0,0.0,0.0885989670608804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28906097545062753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727233828966268,0.13610303846488875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913035564744993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23231603282495375,0.0,0.059269968903954064,0.0,0.0632229074416358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227723702986406,0.10051112195397692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059836705680322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350629631876755,0.0,0.07995908581967902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244143733785789,0.0,0.06301665571933543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471517829783643,0.0,0.0,0.13973991481768966,0.13855428473754533,0.0,0.2259221824844858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464240924824527,0.05734179487567944,0.15870785527585848,0.07448679711828382,0.0,0.07193407285035366,0.0,0.0687355031352681,0.07050568395972548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698094401970056,0.0,0.14087052552020846,0.0,0.07067252475762943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308976544349292,0.0,0.056149913335008385,0.0,0.05171277920540693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067739321937173,0.06749937383872152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300584777789085,0.21400676391470166,0.07485364670150307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067372511245988,0.07156769094904683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071767263563296,0.0,0.0,0.07036554701261669,0.0,0.0450657757901399,0.07232792872956581,0.0,0.0,0.07968888287824509,0.06007553538489443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605706087418184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087234921723116,0.07874715886888893,0.09958324404991244,0.0,0.05617881395425501,0.1176256649508996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694766451055914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308372051760825,0.06148595060460407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020528678512334,0.04507520329925791,0.0,0.0,0.04101961583719333,0.0,0.13336053262690653,0.0,0.0,0.047760662792107535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495348511587967,0.05804323823705052,0.20746097179718767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649992197820387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781152555789165,0.0,0.05121309728335578,0.0,0.0,0.04997214254011895,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,givem_hell_kid,2019/10/24,"BPD Not trauma related So I'm really trying to work back to the root of the trauma that caused my BPD. And I'm trying to explore the possibility that I might have some repressed memories, but my whole life I bragged what perfect parents I had. What a perfect, textbook childhood. No sexual abuse. No parental abuse. Well cared for and loved. So, I'm at a loss when it comes to pinpointing the trauma. Is it possible to have BPD that's purely genetic?",2.2472413793103456,4.926023666666667,3.807597701149426,83.25967241379313,82.44827586206897,7.1581609195402285,25.94137931034483,8.238735603445708,2.114467586206897,357,15,66,8,10,118,56,87,0.19399999999999998,0.56,0.24600000000000002,0.7127,2,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,5,10,0,1,6,0,5,2,0,2,3,14,11,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,1,0,5,5,8,9,2,6,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,44,12,2,0.0,0.3718390337986425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206585338381012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5928897210000236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998607551205593,0.1611957102625825,0.0,0.1351690332266376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083424204953808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416226000701709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646282448527194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484727641676096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35379788542181795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052425410522672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307100204400856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108611333404106,0.0,0.0,0.17519084258898635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142365423553662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GIANTSIZEBLUEBERRY,2019/10/24,"What did I do wrong? My boyfriend is a person I love, trust, and can really open up to. He always has my back. He always do what's right. I don't know how he does it but he's the only person who respects me and my borderline. He's not abusive. 
If I need space, he's gonna give it to me. He's patient. He can calm me down. 

I play D&D with him and 3 other people. My best friend, his sister, and another friend.
I'm the DM. If you don't know what that is, it's a game you play with dices. 
You tell a story. I'm the story teller. I always work really hard on my stories. I spend hours. I want everything to be perfect. I make a world full of details. I craft everything we need to display the forest myself. 

My boyfriend loves me and wants me to be happy. I get it. I'm also bad at talking to people and explain how I feel. I just vent and let things go. 

My best friend's sister is not a good player. She says she likes to play but she's always on her phone or texting when we play. 

D&D is an immersive game. You need to know what's going on to enjoy it and same goes with other players. 
So her not paying attention really pisses me off. I work hard for this. Pay attention. You're ruining the game for everyone else too. 

I vented to my boyfriend and last night we had a game planned but I didn't wanna play. I started splitting and I told everyone to go home. 
My boyfriend sat down with my best friend and his sister and they told me how I was feeling about everything. 

I was in my room, best friend and his sister barged into my room and got mad. They asked me why I didn't say anything sooner. Asked me why I talked behind their backs. Like talking to my boyfriend about a private matter is talking behind someone's back. 

So I started splitting on my boyfriend and blamed him for the drama. He explained he was just trying to do the right thing to play cause he knows how much this means to me and he wanted to help me.

I snapped at him. 
I avoid conflicts. Hate it. I hate when people come at me to express their anger. 

Now he's upset with me.",0.07381316796411141,2.336345766899772,1.924834410872148,95.67938514315874,89.0,4.54309715441791,18.583850112152,6.065201188426455,-0.19750054096846534,1590,45,350,14,53,522,187,429,0.114,0.6659999999999999,0.22,0.9954,0,1,0,0,0,0,57.0,3,4,4,8,18,36,5,2,15,0,23,3,1,6,1,67,61,31,0,9,11,4,4,2,5,1,0,2,3,2,18,27,0,2,11,11,3,4,7,10,0,0,11,6,76,26,44,46,7,36,0,1,0,2,70,21,1,3,13,224,94,4,0.0,0.09419391344555288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357572534230051,0.26459982658139825,0.1722753606787842,0.0,0.0,0.08336216257212814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542131873192376,0.0,0.14864261086538602,0.0,0.0,0.18339063615846093,0.06637876589094271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33371930263126537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166789067384646,0.0,0.0684817840999642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957055247148708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641163518627016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193036760757392,0.21434708652637746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039467673571535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071056013748624,0.0,0.04153521008667473,0.07626316916884061,0.13554420209623094,0.06668041287762003,0.06358301648266428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462870124821258,0.14243188218389258,0.1569786045013229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053286842353601836,0.0,0.0797444854032939,0.0,0.07829099836599393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747633951949082,0.0648027071471498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129363001157666,0.0,0.07767888483337257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350281407161436,0.0,0.053066536841309464,0.0,0.0,0.08659826690933135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058441283428233376,0.17684362663563555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460489989997651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046295585768108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534484031941807,0.13883180247124952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278825561106638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578428560514846,0.0,0.12644239433826554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735967251204691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254031749303801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25559476258811026,0.06948607136091263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563187705950283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193036760757392,0.0,0.05397494533927501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067260324498476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347187562186486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157531727964584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692022856152867,0.0,0.0
bpd,spiderpig324,2019/10/24,Always a struggle I had therapy and my life improved so much but this week I am spiraling and terribly depressed and destructive. I haven't been to work all week and haven't showered in days. Moments like this make me feel hopeless. I know I just need to work on keeping up my healthy habits and that this will pass but why is it so hard to just be normal? Just feeling so sad today.,2.6653246753246758,4.723400467532471,3.4116883116883163,90.19467532467534,76.79220779220779,6.477922077922077,27.883116883116887,7.447530270364453,1.5261480519480517,304,13,62,4,7,96,55,77,0.292,0.599,0.109,-0.9669,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,1,1,0,8,1,0,1,1,18,14,10,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,3,8,1,6,10,2,9,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,43,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029599843432137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730744928338128,0.0,0.21008690793669554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466653518616571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850333729621246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168062398395061,0.0,0.0,0.1340513953119084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228706436594854,0.11916640651863485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281769531919885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930838614427758,0.18086270202511154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389886384504171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549968937468167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789424094038141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23120650493071596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913139022380575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200987809109343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551515878445872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ssk65,2019/10/24,"Why am I like this I just want to be held, cradled, babied. I want want someones arms around me while I cry but as soon as anybody tries I get angry and defensive. Why am I like this??",-0.6223076923076931,1.5131124102564115,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,91.56410256410255,4.1456410256410265,18.056410256410253,5.6839178017228535,-0.5113528205128208,140,4,33,1,5,46,27,39,0.157,0.603,0.24,-0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,8,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709634470064408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343480192998025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902640663025014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974101708001074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579008664944217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665458504862125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5385950512514615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5493126623179666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,titfortwotits,2019/10/24,"Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship when you have BPD? I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now and it's been a real rollercoaster. We've fought about petty things almost every day but I feel like we're now at breaking point. I don't know what to do and I feel like my entire life is falling apart. I can't continue to tell him that I'll change because I don't trust myself even a little bit anymore. 

When I get upset it's like I become another person and everything I do in that moment feels justified. I told him yesterday that I hated him and I instantly regretted it, but it already did the damage. I don't even wanna tell him about my BPD because I feel like he is then going to see me as a freak. He isn't perfect himself but I think I'm the one who makes everything ten times bigger than what they should be. 

I truly love him and he means so much to me. I'm tired of not knowing how I'll feel the next second. Sometimes I just randomly get annoyed with him for literally no reason at all, and then I make a scene and make everything worse and then I regret it afterwards and feel bad for days and days. I go to a therapist for DBT but I feel like we aren't making any progress. I don't know what to do and I hate being suicidal almost every other day. I hate that I might never be able to have a functional relationship. I hate myself so much. I wish I was like everyone else.

I always fuck up when it's good too. It's almost as if my brain thinks ""Hm, it's too good to be true, something must be wrong"".  Why do I have to get annoyed with everything and why do I have to make everything bigger than they are? I really wanna save this relationship but at this point I don't even know if it's possible anymore. I think it's just getting worse and worse..

I'm not able to get any work done either while I feel like this, I just completely shut down and right now I feel like a ball of anxiety... Don't know what to do...",1.8414460784313744,3.5659378995098088,3.6667647058823536,88.95960784313728,78.09313725490195,7.180392156862746,22.117647058823533,8.07648339933343,1.022261764705882,1525,44,334,27,36,513,177,408,0.20600000000000002,0.659,0.135,-0.988,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,2,3,20,30,8,1,11,1,38,5,1,7,5,74,81,33,1,9,13,0,9,8,0,3,2,0,0,1,25,18,0,0,19,1,0,3,13,15,1,3,7,10,56,15,36,66,5,40,0,3,1,2,24,14,1,7,30,220,81,1,0.12919890445154705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940610600977143,0.0,0.07128710189828141,0.0,0.053751919206065285,0.0,0.0,0.08785968544626582,0.06773815818872382,0.04941840413624051,0.0,0.12813059643468167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053937844287598784,0.07875845297278736,0.07134501966216683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052587071910561,0.0,0.16272149733466187,0.07211435300551501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833765487318036,0.0,0.06773129660271235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664521002512092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610766807772668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539645531139745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706693157727173,0.0,0.10885564930348543,0.0617275449504337,0.29028911131899965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293970816375413,0.2768991694660409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972115264102248,0.16875273771950713,0.0,0.07342671478973567,0.10836591125345453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551143400281936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751084760829486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562850353983231,0.252480234505141,0.06474562201525162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583035277647661,0.0,0.21560317991835626,0.0,0.0,0.07036774145222205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852981024476068,0.0,0.0,0.0515626664518885,0.0,0.0949760605883633,0.0,0.04982307998642298,0.0,0.06870225030691718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04377426067514828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640574996651674,0.0,0.0,0.12213472548317207,0.14565235227700907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352831925285723,0.04138406325934231,0.06641899591167033,0.0,0.2080669080611127,0.0,0.05516757923540031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147739970466715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973181436708698,0.06389051005500633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066131581962816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292553716288005,0.0,0.0,0.07500494303646839,0.04291700561293249,0.12417816172415748,0.0,0.0,0.037668460087882105,0.07424756737021042,0.0,0.0617275449504337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658191566345168,0.0,0.074286181979458,0.0,0.0,0.04702917059612585,0.0,0.19749708211099515,0.0,0.07062936001698009,0.0,0.0
bpd,vroonka,2019/10/24,"Therapy Hey guys... I have recently been diagnosed with bpd and... my friend told me about reddit.. that I can find people struggling with such mental health disorders .. and .. I can’t say I am okay.. it is hard to digest .. at the same time it feels like it explained everything literally like everything in my life .. I am 22 .. all those years I hated myself for who I was and didnt understand now suddenly.. it feels that I do .. that there are more people like me... but still.. I don’t want to be naive and feel sorry for myself cause mostly I feel like I do feel sorry for myself a lot! And that sucks.. makes me hate myself more... anyway .. I was thinking about therapies .. I would really like to know smth more from anyone that has been treating his bpd with any kind of therapy and how its been helping/ working .. does it make your life much easier? Are the symptoms less intense ? Or what really helped you guys? Thank you for all the answers! ♥️ ( P.S. havent started bpd therapy yet, only for depression, but CATS help me a lot in life with everything! Cats are the best!)))",1.5985922330097109,4.213539577669906,2.917774757281556,88.81994368932043,85.26213592233009,6.5969708737864075,19.890485436893204,7.839951260653429,1.0232134368932042,827,24,163,17,25,267,122,206,0.095,0.779,0.126,0.7326,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,3,0,2,9,16,3,1,6,1,22,7,0,4,2,36,40,10,0,2,3,0,6,5,1,1,7,1,0,2,14,10,1,0,11,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,7,27,11,19,31,12,11,0,1,0,0,15,3,1,4,13,116,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465358089702154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647795207017397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977429843527492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592271280567683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766718835170383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188709773610743,0.09649810970898466,0.0,0.0,0.10896304195533696,0.0,0.08319989895540178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25633914503824506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24036135776358356,0.13584177060243613,0.0,0.0,0.08689591449062478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345393732067422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882764169789408,0.0,0.0,0.08516763044669158,0.187731785485286,0.0,0.10105921718760234,0.0,0.0,0.1911782963613426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900494164567028,0.05225018454208241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014607357063761,0.23224177254283135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616570315200199,0.0,0.0,0.1269252678399976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581223135039907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989033007960935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723080619485622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182468270140285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218136790813682,0.0,0.09387410616092193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560666157519946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285512056186834,0.06729386724122312,0.0,0.07592621999966535,0.0,0.0,0.09939198860950127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881829020945927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753136651320803,0.4349016236362187,0.0,0.0,0.06091958091204744,0.0,0.0,0.0554384145399105,0.0,0.0,0.09084728224910847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897538799135394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607710906408197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921500504383334,0.0,0.0,0.06753784249424036,0.0,0.0,0.06122453951154148
bpd,spicybwah,2019/10/24,"I was diagnosed on Tuesday Hello beautiful people, 

Long time lurker. I've always been aware of BPD and other personality disorders but didn't want to self-diagnose. I started therapy again this week, and without any prompting, my therapist grabbed her DSM and checked me for a couple of things. I fit 8 out of 9 criteria for BPD and she said from this, we can start to work through it.

It sounds weird but it's a huge weight off my shoulders receiving a diagnosis. I know that there's a huge support network out here (such as yourselves). My therapist seems very keen to work through this with me, I'm genuinely excited to go on this journey of self-discovery and bettering myself. 

<3",5.064883720930234,6.929160333333333,5.7231705426356605,77.00661627906976,69.69767441860465,9.811162790697674,34.60542635658915,10.125756701596842,3.862887751937985,549,28,98,15,10,178,92,129,0.026000000000000002,0.8029999999999999,0.171,0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,4,0,4,3,1,0,0,15,13,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,10,9,1,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,4,4,13,4,21,9,0,18,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,7,63,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049754508745304,0.0,0.0,0.1066517571115839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870596437043411,0.0,0.0,0.39505112094177663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353263236412397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31836420552797945,0.0,0.0,0.17974410270128255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891317572044559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619126602892191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879219047304414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872819297646448,0.13694044804667246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918401217939556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427747914092749,0.3272218590985025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201428241202734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797212818441482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935210118276773,0.3641901937737293,0.10419281688383276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145053127960956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940357596314367,0.09250411396312604,0.0,0.12580190071926745,0.1909802338529221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118132904421488,0.0,0.22835245330555345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hitroshus,2019/10/24,"I need help I'm a mid twenties male been diagnosed with EUPD for several years now but have avoided therapy and just been surviving on antidepressants. I used to self harm quite badly and had quite an awful drug addiction. I'm off particularly dangerous drugs but cannot exist without some kind of mind altering substance.

I have jealousy and possessiveness issues around my partner. My problem is this extends to my son who is 4. I have an underlying paranoia that he wants to ""posses"" his mother, my girlfriend. This has lead to constant paranoia and a deep hatred for him which clearly shows in the way I act and treat his siblings who I love very much and show it. 

This has gone on for a long time ever since he breastfed which felt extremely sexual to me and caused me to permanently consider him an enemy. I have worked hard to limit his contact with her and shown that she is mine to scare him off.

This issue is really affecting my life and I don't know who to get advice from that's actually productive and not just anger or ignorance about the issue.

How do I get over this or am I not even paranoid?",4.884419014084506,6.517463882629112,5.778400821596247,77.34534771126762,69.7981220657277,9.268661971830984,29.744424882629108,9.673873057562805,2.9027748826291084,889,35,162,21,16,292,137,213,0.21,0.6890000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.9838,0,1,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,6,8,11,2,2,8,1,17,6,0,5,2,39,28,15,0,3,9,2,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,14,13,0,3,2,2,0,3,5,8,0,0,5,2,26,3,26,23,2,20,0,0,0,1,22,10,0,3,6,115,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.1394591441400902,0.15579254651693175,0.0,0.1396495966298295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721983301409828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932353767610253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468075144054195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443449640445756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450502248532311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314595054483636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439043587918612,0.12926990519405646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721561688467507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932872400203578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801892165312848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578928526129976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474814462622795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881834567116306,0.07853937283650463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094126921737497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647048937301614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898148385007455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429794618580427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505499147793143,0.10596564961906063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674517653905185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040038784870719,0.0,0.0,0.0915515422749606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430774296065354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149085868998419,0.1614471582414821,0.0,0.11821628900452424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634295699877201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333173073308342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342800069386785,0.0,0.11791537782419798,0.08429177839228616,0.11343498004319302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377597442847353,0.0,0.10403988301017243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202908999426516
bpd,stlvng,2019/10/24,why should I not kill myself right now? all I hear is don't do it and get to a hospital. I turned 20 today and I don't have a single friend in the world. I am so lonely and fucked up and stupid and I can't make friends I hate myself I'm not a human being,-2.2940000000000005,-0.5382613999999961,0.9050000000000012,101.9325,96.33333333333334,3.6666666666666665,10.833333333333336,5.148860815047168,-1.7001666666666666,196,2,52,1,8,69,41,60,0.265,0.627,0.10800000000000001,-0.8674,0,2,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,1,10,16,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,9,2,3,14,2,6,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,2,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647331070820076,0.2780479215267784,0.15713477017733324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969383914225997,0.0,0.0,0.3389785588921748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33274655570479217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075974223472934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568475333064887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850854647087606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271406886158591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713892641412851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alright77,2019/10/24,"Looking for help in the Baltimore area Hi Friends,

I was wondering if anybody has recommendations for psychiatrists who treat BPD patients in the greater Baltimore area. Feel free to reply or PM if you're more comfortable with that, thank you for any help!",7.945333333333334,9.535351977777779,7.042222222222224,71.29000000000002,62.55555555555557,11.333333333333336,39.444444444444436,11.20814326018867,4.8401111111111135,209,11,35,6,3,64,36,45,0.0,0.599,0.401,0.9697,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,6,7,5,2,4,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,4,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495271952090449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621395879566056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553247819301466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834917216090841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918952506989653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081315186258822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378228409907287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979234613379118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,7ilidine,2019/10/24,"Being stoned is my only way to be glad to be alive (CW) When I'm sober, I can't help but wishing I was never born. These intrusive thoughts are never fully gone, even when I'm content otherwise - unless I'm high. Not too high, just a little bit - when I have too much, it usually has the exact opposite effect. 

I'm seriously considering starting to self-medicate (thought about putting that in brackets, but hear me out). Of course can't I can't tell anyone in my family that I need to medicate, as that would obviously raise serious eyebrows. 

But what is the point of avoiding a substance dependency? 
To constantly be the unstable mess I am? I can't even tell people, especially not my parents, that I'm constantly on the verge of killing myself. I can't even count the times I stood on the windowsill in our attic, windows wide open and my eyes closed anticipating the feeling of letting my entire life drop, crashing into our driveway.

So far I've always had a change of mind, but then again my symptoms have only ever progressively gotten worse on the long hand.

I have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to tell this anyone, because I have no one to tell this.",5.890623033354312,6.360077524229079,6.7441441157961,75.58983480176211,66.70925110132158,9.657520453115168,32.95437382001259,9.606745405546679,3.063869981120202,926,38,172,18,14,308,135,227,0.156,0.8009999999999999,0.043,-0.977,1,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,2,0,0,2,14,6,1,1,11,0,22,5,2,2,5,32,39,12,1,4,9,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,10,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,11,5,0,1,7,4,22,1,23,26,2,36,0,0,1,0,10,17,0,1,15,115,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245257581412416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721882843565927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505784438378839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344241698423108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302533727216932,0.0,0.0,0.2661158136154506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439751631888147,0.11137656028163004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607436527437465,0.0,0.06225734778238081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877449756695884,0.0,0.0825302771609825,0.2601835335341564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899681817405118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362231765807846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590698791564425,0.08696913128400836,0.0,0.12340686334789874,0.0,0.10896463536780428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676773944038695,0.12403876807278152,0.0,0.0,0.12432444255105378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051343832629292,0.18259608908759425,0.1899282092620123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343489547479832,0.18728918001159725,0.0,0.0,0.13671936134253754,0.0,0.0,0.0853616321026485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163960041513269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377790942659447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284496283238944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871508160762465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797740697740892,0.0,0.0,0.4304781049092355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955001695591766,0.07179707850356311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560838282129956,0.0,0.0,0.0977334815389582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110410316026313,0.0,0.1415914222897822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254782159527794,0.08746678309188319,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prefabsprite,2019/10/24,"First day on Lexapro/ One of the worst days of my life fuck i need to vent. i started lexapro today to deal with MDD which i was diagnosed with along with BPD. i was super nervous to start bc of all the awful symptoms but i finally started today.

today didn’t feel real. i felt like i was coming down from acid or molly all day long. bright lights, fog in my head, terrible memory, dizzy, sick, numb, confused. i am a musician and had to play a show tonight and ended up freaking out on stage and giving a very strange performance, which is fine but kind of cringe. 

i’ve felt so many different ways today but mostly bad and scared. i feel out of control and out of touch with reality and with my .... mental history i don’t think that this is a good place for me to be. now i can’t sleep and i’m anxious and feel sick and, well here’s the reason i’m posting.

my fucking boyfriend just texted me and told me that he’s been distant from me the past few days because he despises me right now for some reason. he doesn’t know why and he feels bad. but he says he feels unconnected from me and angry at me. we had a beautiful time together the last time i saw him so i’m so confused and hurt.... but i’m too out of it to even understand how to process the situation.

i feel..... unwell and feel like i’m going down a bad hole right now and am so dissociated i dont know where it will take me. today is fucking stupid and not real and i fucking hate SSRI’s and i regret agreeing to take them, and why the fuck does my bf think he can tell me he despises me and then stop answering

i’m not looking for anything i just want to rant. i’m sorry and thank u",2.0266158781074566,3.5834348372093063,3.648997594226145,90.02872093023258,77.0813953488372,6.837850842020853,23.78067361668004,7.6298220110432995,0.9575239775461116,1280,41,285,18,29,426,178,344,0.244,0.655,0.10099999999999999,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,1,4,15,32,9,4,13,1,19,13,2,4,2,74,60,33,0,3,10,0,10,2,1,1,6,1,0,0,7,33,0,2,17,2,0,2,7,22,1,2,11,16,35,10,39,47,6,46,0,2,3,5,17,15,5,5,28,166,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439894898465197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876271170829247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930718140433208,0.05093736448322077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052408205866485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197949030393833,0.0,0.0,0.0937195791234115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555699691982008,0.08614663010850421,0.0,0.08481158123360698,0.0,0.08730235356091216,0.0,0.0,0.07312386750542696,0.0,0.09793162857800662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400930585777048,0.0,0.0,0.0551905529849638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957529181992203,0.05969523857570876,0.1604612946958128,0.09153583103269247,0.0,0.0710760431628026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38624909512695865,0.0,0.0801583095107921,0.04748904013315961,0.07008611407058486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249814230989529,0.08575660655157201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945264511212679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701482004396696,0.09184471662970163,0.06811250454512709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902085751825075,0.08164633283389304,0.0,0.0,0.07394791834322796,0.0701693053654667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471666496415788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420876706138139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061958637497683974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662237859760825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976741872798036,0.0,0.0,0.08730235356091216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002732541609528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021901300755606,0.0,0.17182707255721585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427194661703927,0.0,0.06645021896620455,0.08365807813154902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392487475429692,0.08362028703102498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353851284219136,0.17743246904828752,0.0,0.0,0.06985985227670127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868507732715243,0.12565335299962072,0.0,0.07303507152326354,0.07693076707835628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708367243298132,0.0,0.0,0.0974489471844281,0.0,0.3960252684967559,0.07984510454721687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698884552320839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689457024637329,0.049285818189363034,0.0663259918031871,0.0,0.0,0.07513042214129455,0.0,0.15079969974405594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,darthpepis,2019/10/24,"How common is it for someone with BPD to also have an attention deficiency disorder? Lately, I’ve been thinking that I might have some sort of attention deficient disorder as well as my BPD. I can hardly concentrate on my school work and sometimes I’ll straight up just forget about the current task I’m doing because went off to do another task and the cycle just ends with me doing none of the tasks to completion. I was wondering if it would be worth seeing my psychiatrist for this. Any input would be great.",5.552488954344626,7.098860979381445,6.358615611192932,74.1555670103093,68.0721649484536,10.078939617083948,31.382916053019148,10.290406445055957,3.515831811487482,413,17,71,11,7,136,71,97,0.07200000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.099,0.4019,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,1,0,18,19,7,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,7,2,15,11,2,9,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,5,4,54,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469132087729772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249294297486266,0.19263646191665712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198820673893656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627538504515777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261694866610926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42109626431482094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271296187173928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025414586690124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456851046957413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723342935631925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488779344414128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859248190232892,0.14639347175854284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565729808602494,0.0,0.1816943674901371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771426111709787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517778908475772,0.17030146044920366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992261848128328,0.13374342132645528,0.0,0.0,0.2610053157828016,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,314159265358979326,2019/10/24,"DAE not use distress tolerance skills they learned from therapy? I've done years of therapy but I can't seem to make myself use the skills I've learned.  There are three main issues that come up:

1. I don't feel they would work.  I feel that I'm perceiving a shitty reality objectively, rather than actually being distressed and in need of tolerance.

2. I feel like I don't deserve to feel better.

3. I feel like I should solve the problem instead of merely feeling better about it, to suffer another day (noting that my distressed self's idea of ""solving"" is usually dropping out of university, breaking up with my girlfriend, or killing myself).

Does anyone else encounter this?  Any tips for overcoming it?",4.004153846153848,6.7499754153846165,4.739230769230769,78.89576923076925,75.61538461538461,7.6923076923076925,30.76923076923077,8.617729084823388,2.8873076923076924,564,27,95,12,13,181,91,130,0.205,0.662,0.133,-0.9322,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,5,4,10,1,3,3,0,9,0,0,3,0,26,22,3,1,5,4,0,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,11,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,6,13,4,17,18,1,10,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,57,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.15176821915515648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576111639749199,0.16307964674266498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087454450196502,0.15935190824994452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750952828176991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396947505610407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029960479047212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136099409740307,0.15915424105658169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991968624145053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718232496922316,0.22221162560521845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556677453559713,0.0,0.16232582577728344,0.0,0.0,0.17206338996431994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196156993923768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381295080306402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153184901102586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148814708776227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158248998247294,0.1622446271171729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557086908465986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686442394967307,0.17128684443777242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322274966568915,0.0,0.0,0.11047922670587752,0.0,0.0,0.10015184866521884
bpd,bromanfamdude,2019/10/24,"Fiancé diagnosed as BPD looking for advice to help her Fiancé was recently diagnosed with BPD, I wasn’t familiar with it at all until the past few days and doing some research has educated me on how serious it is. I know there’s nothing I can do to totally help her with all the issues related to BPD, but I’m looking for advice from others with it so I can get some perspective and try my best to point her in the right direction when she struggles. From what I’ve read and experienced she seems to be on the mild end of the spectrum she has the issues with emotions, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, a slight eating disorder and some impulsivity. On the flip side though before she was diagnosed she was always aware of when she was being irrational and always apologized immediately after or later, and without any ulterior motive I’ve ever noticed. She starts therapy next week and I’m hoping the best for her sorry for the length just wanted to explain the situation and her to help with advice. Thanks!",7.374121846739647,7.615417654450265,8.233127082341746,66.96169443122324,63.554973821989535,11.552784388386483,34.11756306520705,11.20814326018867,4.101603141361257,816,32,136,22,11,276,113,191,0.10400000000000001,0.759,0.138,0.8858,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,11,0,14,4,0,2,4,32,26,17,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,14,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,3,18,4,30,19,9,22,0,2,2,0,17,9,0,6,13,105,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32848785094851035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647253638306724,0.0,0.0,0.07619922522289661,0.0,0.08571949894440607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534802750496342,0.0,0.2351833922404213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233768409606067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722642917882242,0.0,0.09651025228102177,0.34119136604407857,0.0,0.0,0.12842133814910087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465720411381344,0.0,0.12604345592082702,0.09924484289487884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135747942060994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854256273809887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531834834284825,0.0,0.0,0.1112929523037674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390642192935884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158086720983871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819097426536271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916860885322232,0.0,0.0,0.10751694822438848,0.1275719828406433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696634494859604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592539009624263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208235639359787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063786504490003,0.0,0.0,0.09569182438585497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200796293834126,0.1168947086038845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595118047486278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543307769274548,0.07931100605550355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714111454197675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316245780154637,0.12814126576392884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009055401608936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607597547276396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609119253934112,0.0,0.08988138241685625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801416172904052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nobokeisbebsiok,2019/10/24,"I feel as if I lost my biggest support and idk what to do... My best friend has been my support for years now, but lately it hasn't felt the same. Whenever I try to talk to her about my feelings, she seems extremely disinterested with very little responses or sometimes she'll just not respond and it'll be this awkward silence. She tells me all the time that I can come to her to tell her how I feel, but it doesn't feel that way. Now I feel more lonely than ever and I don't tell her when I feel suicidal in fear of her just shutting me down. Our relationship doesn't feel the same and that scares me. I'm also scared to talk about it in fear of upsetting her, she gets angry quickly.",4.336987480438186,4.6425352183098605,5.105586854460093,86.55999217527388,70.05633802816901,8.282942097026604,27.74960876369327,8.167268648758528,1.5293120500782469,539,17,119,7,9,175,83,142,0.245,0.7020000000000001,0.053,-0.9869,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,2,11,12,0,6,3,0,11,0,0,1,2,27,26,12,1,1,7,0,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,9,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,3,8,26,4,17,20,5,16,0,2,0,0,19,6,0,3,8,87,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148239830537897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629730143785805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008535475749432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261001091830488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137395241232505,0.4934126923176385,0.0,0.13385098600329506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077042182057674,0.0,0.07283353527858802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572552931533293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972077161260907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217739399629088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496691618495346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27913812527254234,0.0,0.0,0.12690938387177014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787544370962748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248681319572518,0.3163910507070723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409745995188524,0.3655392294350631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812883735628932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464707358707077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150240034265568,0.0,0.11065346839351813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977246698581963
bpd,caddell907,2019/10/24,I got fired from my job today because I bully people... I’ve been a server for this company for 6 years on and off. They’ve known me since I was 18-24 which is a difficult time for anyone but as a woman with BPD I’ve had a lot to over come. They have seen me go off my meds and back on. I’ve been promoted and then demoted and then promoted and demoted AGAIN.I can’t help but feel like “too much”. I am always not enough or too much. I understand I can be intense but that’s only because I love my job and I am damn good at it. It just really sucks that the universe keeps having me learn the same lessons over and over again. I don’t let anyone in but I am willing to tell them too much? I have a hard time with boundaries but when the fuck and I going to learn. They knew too much about me and unfortunately my history had a huge impact on loosing my job. I don’t know how to act anymore. I wish I could just go into a job and put my head down but I can’t. I feel too damn much. Just looking for support and if anyone has had a similar experience. ❤️,0.785044707839468,2.4120592532751104,3.090804741110418,92.3256186317322,80.92139737991265,6.457974630900395,20.94843002703265,7.447530270364453,0.5089748804325227,815,23,193,12,21,280,124,229,0.11199999999999999,0.737,0.151,0.8992,4,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,3,13,9,4,0,11,0,23,3,1,1,0,42,41,24,0,3,12,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,15,0,1,9,0,0,6,5,5,0,0,9,6,30,4,25,28,8,28,0,0,2,2,7,13,4,3,10,137,36,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127695447883928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070896048114975,0.25531869108216154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359162148128962,0.0,0.14839314343307655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532962722234441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484703063534596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717983444271547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576453392585688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906100628109507,0.0,0.0,0.12308591613682406,0.08695349857720751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125239162951814,0.0,0.0,0.20752098235177965,0.10208909396332448,0.09734691589393177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903308165121517,0.0,0.12491510451559867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158325993016681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831349723359961,0.10818623067009588,0.0,0.0,0.06689159493563482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446223223157404,0.0,0.05946399122689022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221027237409452,0.0,0.0,0.10347807156762394,0.1098528911079638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351983589617886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473740801659492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925700384186862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438212568109517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235758446157975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797399521304682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068422796481942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812118160963113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063846152441471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194644485095656,0.0,0.11537195743709958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267100129911059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399666910849836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783807202408702
bpd,MarieAngellique,2019/10/24,Not enough meds I have been feeling really bad over the last couple of days but today I have been crying all day and couldn’t breath. I don’t have my meds. I was going to buy my meds last Saturday but all the riots here in Chile started and the pharmacies closed. I only had 2 samples my psychiatrist gave me and I didn’t want to start the treatment until I had my meds but I couldn’t handle it today. I feel like such a failure. Been going to therapy for months and now I can’t practice anything I learned. I can’t sleep and tomorrow I have my first practice presentation for my college thesis.  I talked to my friend and she tried to make me feel better and then she was like “I know I am not that helpful” and I felt bad and just told her I was feeling better but I was crying nonstop.,1.042010906612134,3.3330391349693294,2.7821574642126805,91.24483810497614,84.03067484662577,5.340013633265167,20.711997273346967,6.691623216298621,0.37393551465576014,621,19,130,7,18,205,87,163,0.162,0.705,0.134,-0.8331,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,5,0,20,2,2,1,2,30,34,15,0,3,7,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,7,0,1,2,8,2,0,1,13,6,31,5,11,19,3,21,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,18,93,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627031430215657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565118071450776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284257317171909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288974055478548,0.2837060433831249,0.1665678188338212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343500840743738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26118603936840923,0.092256858523771,0.1239935991253132,0.0,0.0,0.10984548541813524,0.0,0.0,0.0997723965663012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678522982827602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865590849412738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097136413581724,0.21053088472206985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618149046658295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620122092251649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737768384009884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030774407839531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821595539769766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272968842669289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292321661560057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281036126246167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037969590063048,0.0,0.0,0.14768159081565074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448171615644462,0.1233977565008975,0.0,0.08767683863345148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761694712076185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ceebaby98,2019/10/24,how do I find dbt I’m establishing care with a new team (so new therapist and new psychiatrist). I plan on telling them about my prior diagnosis and how I want to try dbt. can I just start it by asking or do I have to be put into it and is it a speciality and are there any online sources help me plz y’all 💜,0.7909313725490215,2.2545005441176507,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,80.32352941176471,7.4745098039215705,21.62745098039216,8.344100000000001,0.940668627450981,239,7,59,5,6,86,51,68,0.0,0.8640000000000001,0.136,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,2,6,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,12,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,7,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747339927994104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23023106782341285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510907085523329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508813868273198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507092474469573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.713553072168614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475713722875119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431258317356224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152525754914892,0.0,0.0,0.28594076360080073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720251654386675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452576013030462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KazKant,2019/10/24,"So apparently I have BPD As of a little more than a year ago, I finally got help with my mental issues. My psychiatrist honestly, kinda sucked. We left her June of this year. She never formally told me my diagnosis but rather assumed we all felt the same, which was true, it just sucked that she didn’t put in her own opinions to build onto what we already suspected. I was treated for Bipolar Disorder, never told what type, cause y’know she sucked. But I had Bipolar Depression. I always felt like I was bipolar and I never really thought I could have more, but on Monday, I went to a psychologist. He doesn’t know for sure yet (but honestly, do we ever actually know?) but he does believe I’m BPD. I really like him because he gave me reasons for his opinions, he included ways that I talked, acted, and included the things I talked about. I took a test for it, and I’m going back in a few weeks, but for now he told me to look into it at home to see if I relate to having BPD or if I don’t feel like I do. At first I felt like I didn’t cause the symptoms overlap a lot with BD. I felt like they were just very similar but I didn’t have BPD. But then I started looking at this sub, and you guys have things called FPs. I looked into that and I hated the fact that it exactly describes how I’ve felt all my life. Even more just right now, I was reading an article talking about the affects people with BPD have on relationships; and I also hated it. I’ve always felt really weird with relationships and I’ve had one specifically that was toxic and I always knew it, but it was because of me. I’m kinda just stuck in this weird period of trying to understand what BPD really is as a whole and also trying to settle with this shift within the very small group of things that I feel like define me.

TL;DR : I was formerly bipolar (still might be), and now am being led to believe I’m BPD. I’m just in this weird state of changing my mindset on this stuff and I don’t even fully understand BPD as a whole.",2.8591728091728115,4.423929233415237,4.586093366093369,84.1495904995905,74.84766584766584,7.685176085176088,24.126945126945127,8.391295532112219,1.4769613431613435,1566,48,320,28,33,530,182,407,0.10099999999999999,0.816,0.083,-0.8432,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,4,1,1,1,21,20,5,0,15,0,30,6,0,6,10,80,68,31,0,4,18,0,8,6,0,1,6,0,1,1,27,22,0,0,17,1,0,6,9,9,0,2,29,12,52,11,44,35,11,49,0,1,4,0,31,19,3,10,28,227,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.05978160514571965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543039132988701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760270455886841,0.0979803175243732,0.1529214268835664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047105696042152825,0.0,0.07468790687311183,0.0,0.0,0.13803965892453846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172456456646633,0.0,0.06255402291416005,0.0,0.0,0.12586322557369542,0.06480569653721467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891168322797405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052763750179950435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070210068295579,0.0,0.05360965041925318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092422769486564,0.05541380937898747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061950500064477075,0.08752931104198379,0.35291926731685225,0.06710810122473729,0.0,0.052108319173063536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034815866927383546,0.0,0.0489957771664133,0.0,0.0,0.06065772328546345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209645146064806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106175513976607,0.0,0.06144947586963505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394025360243369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100183399780346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655992858049962,0.0,0.04327024331369163,0.17957329845474132,0.06139931404172767,0.0,0.0,0.15433067447609966,0.0,0.0,0.05208165548523056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173637580181241,0.0649879205646815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174408273775915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151183500105623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247045516268832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061583922693886385,0.0,0.0,0.061277276896051634,0.0,0.15698068949184116,0.06298620140457112,0.0,0.13154212884310226,0.0,0.05231630212152924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04881684555866745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043360637974998166,0.0,0.04892287325996925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012884372485144,0.0,0.0,0.0577374837046706,0.06367332243993636,0.0,0.1477170877393463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220966587395658,0.0,0.0,0.04863415202497843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756116691508695,0.06806289053013145,0.08318398656450922,0.0,0.0,0.12754909601923112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109298463230898,0.0,0.04862589132084981,0.049139637453876776,0.0,0.0,0.05678928160728688,0.0,0.13679076510971971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889976313680107
bpd,agx93,2019/10/24,. Does anyone else constantly feel guilty even in situations where OTHER people have been shitty to you or mean to you? Because even if you know you didn’t do anything wrong you still blame yourself and think you must’ve done something to deserve it or to give them a reason to treat you like shit.,7.901578947368424,7.3992381052631595,6.725263157894738,80.68684210526318,62.68421052631579,9.003508771929825,31.280701754385966,7.793537801064563,1.9919754385964912,240,7,45,2,3,72,45,57,0.22899999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.077,-0.8834,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,7,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,0,9,10,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,8,2,6,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,3,3,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664381631667585,0.2441942292232753,0.19612285722497247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452819589829286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575468762512121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856160948601984,0.2438913198420443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990916706996624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148255405969393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050531854681608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286250251193099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097831512847946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643455936739278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25960802787518844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522596985920635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245039903032648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24463929428799636,0.0,0.26788959224667874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834758084321992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190328291790452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271035186041554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605732184334001,0.0,0.0
bpd,jessmailinh,2019/10/24,"DAE struggle with getting livid/furious when constantly questioned? I get beyond triggered when my dad constantly pesters me and asks me the same questions over and over. He claims that he can't hear well, which might be true to a certain degree because he's in his early 50s, BUT i just know he isn't listening because he's been doing this since I was young. When we talk, he says things that make zero sense to the conversation or asks a question about something I just answered. I will ask him simple questions and he will respond with something completely unrelated. I am constantly repeating myself and at this point I have tried to let go of the fact that he will never be attentive or present with me unless he chooses to. But I'm still getting so damn irritated. It bugs the shit out of me that he can give his girlfriend 100% of his attention and then can barely hold a normal conversation with me or my sister.

I'm just tired and today is one of those days where I am struggling to use my skills. I hate how moods can go from fine to fucking absolute hell in three seconds. Sigh. I'm sorry guys. I'm just not having it :/",5.716733766233766,6.397031595454546,5.9322077922077945,80.52045454545458,67.13636363636364,8.83116883116883,32.077922077922075,8.841846274778883,2.5644740259740257,901,36,171,14,14,287,134,220,0.147,0.789,0.064,-0.9699,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,14,13,5,2,7,0,20,3,1,4,4,44,40,18,0,1,11,2,0,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,11,12,0,1,9,0,0,2,4,7,2,4,2,3,23,4,24,31,1,26,1,0,0,1,34,9,4,8,15,116,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297081377031986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332694622237974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325940314118684,0.3811217257182314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581646208737858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868230786447636,0.1842607134933962,0.11277424571421142,0.13362409245888468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640286369355295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606614246985232,0.0,0.0,0.13249864230122568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460789095954912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021304524637436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847220001695432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471256172305033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066950449515214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518382078492248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966168543050503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111321805499412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267763332094163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348841520228128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067363085466352,0.09724683090538876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810068332803765,0.0,0.13159877366908518,0.0,0.0,0.09388355248311653,0.0,0.0,0.245798433770641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944902594316593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810162748671177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351179040970952,0.1114331158205793,0.0,0.0,0.07981551008752903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015340780322364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570054107782864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kraessa,2019/10/24,"My favourite person left. I'm sorry if this is a bit of a mess because I currently am as well. I'm sorry for venting but I don't know what to do right now or where to go. 

My favourite person and (as of today ex) boyfriend left today. I've always had abandonment issues, as I'm sure many of you are familiar with.. but it's never flared up this badly. I am at a complete loss of how to be alone.   
Realistically, I know it's for the best. He has been diagnosed with bipolar with BPD traits. Even his counselor claimed that his impulse control wasn't going to get resolved soon. He had cheated in the past and we tried working through it. But then it happened again.   
Then about 2 weeks ago, a random woman sent me screenshots of them flirting and texting. I know it makes no sense, but I still wanted to work through it. Maybe I just wanted to fix him. Even though after 7 years spending every day in fear of when the next bad thing would happen, the thought of him leaving hurt more than anything else. Even though I felt bad about myself for not having more self-respect after everything he put me though. Every time I would come to him in panic because my gut was telling me something was wrong, he would assure me things were okay.   
Last week he admitted he was on the fence about our relationship. He didn't want to keep hurting me. But then he kept reassuring me he still wanted to try and we would work together to take extra steps to help with impulses. And then today, his mind changed again. I know this is it. I can't keep going back and hurting myself. I did it to myself. 
But right now, it hurts so bad. He was my best friend.   

On top of BPD I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. I'm working on it, but I've lost touch with most of my other friends due to the anxiety and barely being able to leave my apartment.
Now I feel back at step one.  

I know I deserve better. I know it will get easier. I just don't know where to go from here..",2.650854978354978,4.58387882575758,3.6619653679653688,88.96009090909092,76.39898989898991,6.343896103896104,24.445598845598845,7.225922671290522,0.9652586724386728,1549,52,319,18,35,498,206,396,0.182,0.701,0.11699999999999999,-0.9831,1,1,1,0,0,1,47.0,3,1,1,12,28,28,1,2,10,1,31,4,1,3,3,64,66,30,0,9,12,1,3,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,19,17,0,6,12,0,1,9,8,16,1,1,17,3,44,12,54,42,7,58,0,7,0,0,33,17,0,4,32,214,63,4,0.07220847749696745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400845849083762,0.0,0.0,0.07478620574945788,0.0,0.0,0.06008323777800428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047857528377167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594214244189851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104772406370536,0.24116425023939125,0.0880352353345886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515566844480592,0.06386253038638551,0.07883295559498213,0.0,0.1818880992596851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638699468935757,0.06220120958808465,0.07570921483179525,0.0,0.08098794752431644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046568494327245316,0.0,0.0,0.1465801693658232,0.0,0.0,0.08275717106063425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060320917359259735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307905511712934,0.0,0.12167751323458513,0.0,0.06489632354476724,0.0,0.0,0.08125461233580754,0.03651077584445669,0.0,0.0693314621985005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157618118656801,0.0,0.07545189839432741,0.0,0.1641509672261741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277074363568185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839982037683722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092026744470303,0.0,0.0,0.07536689015541287,0.0,0.12836442515687085,0.0,0.0,0.27778723572253583,0.05885954669713756,0.0,0.15291670317642425,0.15690944415921765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882408306697443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819971943724274,0.07320806261323046,0.07254312112473807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729099779488707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055691629357096366,0.0,0.07679453500534154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048930333122031086,0.0,0.0,0.084721090157078,0.0,0.0,0.06893116233039152,0.0,0.12609931467907354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258946399976296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775248815634187,0.0,0.12333129048398435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532919011311823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055589613764192615,0.0,0.16166295752545914,0.0,0.0,0.11533156680914222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805563548866225,0.0,0.05429178862181632,0.0,0.0631133920498282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959442077994046,0.0,0.212833387554916,0.05732546536738616,0.04210534391367561,0.0,0.2053355806543944,0.0,0.0,0.0980496326629847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036172353941048,0.0,0.11584257019969595,0.0,0.06492409315930159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102745264664345,0.0,0.0,0.20517932260565944,0.07894863466623228,0.0,0.046499892060117266
bpd,energydrinksforbreak,2019/10/24,"Am I dead? Do you ever wonder if you are? Where are we and what is happening, why doesn't it make sense. Will it ever? Am I dead?",-3.4216091954023007,-2.4579758620689667,0.12948275862069106,102.74295977011495,117.9655172413793,3.3126436781609194,8.281609195402298,5.46131890053228,-1.7713494252873565,96,1,25,1,6,34,22,29,0.285,0.715,0.0,-0.89,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,7,11,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7101004014248347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470976762871273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262005269099824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541816521113271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256632698319002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marlaminger,2019/10/24,"How many sessions did it take before you were diagnosed with BPD? Also, was it with a psychiatrist or a psychologist?",4.902857142857143,7.700692857142862,6.48595238095238,67.2632142857143,72.80952380952381,9.914285714285716,29.54761904761905,10.125756701596842,3.779647619047618,94,4,15,3,2,32,18,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387455886772647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604447622832828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334980659435566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299359726152159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294548128723005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31848773332885444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,girlwithillness,2019/10/24,"causing ""drama""  the other girls in my facility badmouth and gossip about me. they disengage if i get upset and offer 0 support vs another girl crying. they treat me like i'm fake and want attention, maybe a little, but idk.",5.307142857142857,6.725194476190481,7.00809523809524,69.75357142857145,68.52380952380952,9.40952380952381,30.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.2903238095238105,176,7,28,4,3,61,37,42,0.192,0.659,0.15,-0.2101,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,4,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823160372034564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745457575212832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004971813995134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048902325453584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812567781085886,0.3654260803221023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662908046307222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137450007413324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505117172387386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Diana36,2019/10/24,"Decribing BPD to Others So, I’ve had a few people in my life ask me what BPD means and what that entails. Every time I’m asked, I fumble finding a short quick way of explaining. With some people I don’t want to go into the lengthy version of explaining. What do you usually say when someone asks “what is BPD?”",3.0371428571428574,4.530424460317462,4.495428571428572,85.27457142857145,74.23809523809524,7.5796825396825405,26.885714285714286,8.238735603445708,1.769815238095239,243,9,49,4,5,81,49,63,0.0,0.977,0.023,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,13,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,7,12,3,9,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49971036853445394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6732177472664221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501206175411828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284925951023774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012612927191688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258506870834558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408544929689064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24704903664270245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169237902307566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096759751185398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389561821367407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623523772595133,0.0,0.10509257817346357,0.1414274883644582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mangono5,2019/02/27,"BPD in relationships I hope this is okay to ask and I can get some advice. (As of right now I am undiagnosed but fairly certain that I have BPD and I have experienced symptoms for quite some time.) Anyway, my boyfriend really seems to struggle with coping with how I am because of this. As you probably would assume I have a severe fear of him abandoning me and I compulsively/obsessively check and ask questions to make sure he still loves me, cares for me etc. What advice could I give him on how to help? If you are in a relationship how does your SO help you specifically during a particularly bad episode?",4.707116858237548,6.487490956896554,5.7125287356321826,77.063122605364,70.4655172413793,8.948659003831418,27.54406130268199,9.444778638647367,2.4222636015325683,485,17,92,11,9,160,78,116,0.145,0.6659999999999999,0.18899999999999997,0.596,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,1,7,10,0,2,3,1,10,2,0,4,2,23,19,12,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,19,6,16,17,3,7,0,1,0,1,16,4,0,7,3,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057185720960186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924774671951653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306105511084285,0.09535684159320476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940302903235479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948841129024552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124894747353163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689088788043632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445817598650518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602459214824498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172698915098646,0.15005965267240254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970030862178304,0.0,0.0,0.15536794906301404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411820585991141,0.0,0.10441666893365496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865546056561187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752347645883777,0.16638005745386275,0.0,0.0,0.1002115561124031,0.0,0.0,0.3358895025465056,0.0,0.13358835567906055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240585465436995,0.0,0.17671871554838062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492332081714295,0.0,0.0,0.16353214054082066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147431205883709,0.16258822012332794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121421881918428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111217121732498,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KyleStyles,2019/02/27,Meth and BPD Anybody else struggle with meth addiction and BPD? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only recovering meth addict with BPD in the world. It makes recovery 10x harder and nobody I know understands that. I can't even go to NA because the BPD makes me feel like an outcast. I'm completely alone and my grip on recovery is slowly weakening. Has anybody else been able to get through this? Do you have any advice? ,3.1753750000000025,5.7153477875000025,4.092500000000005,83.53250000000001,77.375,7.5,27.5,8.472884824447931,2.2665,333,14,61,7,8,107,57,80,0.091,0.847,0.061,-0.34700000000000003,0,1,3,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,2,0,12,16,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,2,7,15,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,31,9,0,0.14321618347084025,0.0,0.0,0.31225355897172585,0.0,0.13994919696588634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483287743347335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739191585236424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730325615926843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7215030782453892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015944356726002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392774883812208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459293847849486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482881105537873,0.2046273401750296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748245448335274,0.0,0.08139305748472175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870786900880566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993638622999974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119582911735225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892236109796556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164446748099008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972065053092254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909309778312854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thanatos_mind,2019/02/27,"Help me please. Please help me get over him. I'll do anything to not feel like this anymore I'm so miserable and I can't hold on for much longer. Please help me forget him so that I can move on, leave it because I need to respect myself more and not accept how I'm being treated. ",0.7615000000000016,2.70192415,2.273333333333337,96.57500000000002,82.5,4.666666666666667,20.0,5.46131890053228,-0.30849999999999955,219,6,50,1,6,71,42,60,0.166,0.578,0.255,0.745,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,9,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,9,4,6,8,2,4,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368872017567128,0.0,0.0,0.17731376499554852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313487448515094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894829922354993,0.15393208384610504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257438130417237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332757650984557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281520229112478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526794474214568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22901091612460464,0.1583955229990715,0.15976855792590622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7095653241874977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ionizemylife,2019/02/27,"Does anyone just want to talk? I’m feeling very alone and confused today, as I’m sure many of you are. I find conversation helps, especially with someone who has no previous ideas of who you are. Blank slate. Would anyone just like to have a conversation? About anything? Privately or in the comment section. ",3.2603571428571456,6.330131464285718,3.9657142857142884,80.87928571428574,82.57142857142857,6.771428571428572,27.642857142857146,7.957251820313856,2.285457142857142,246,11,42,5,7,78,45,56,0.114,0.7120000000000001,0.174,0.3986,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,9,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,8,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,2,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28467244929866603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843775224160184,0.0,0.2261866645145408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405321616404656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897766147216795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512173982489917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423311189830768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102839010975138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342828928263109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27866527367808713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328882991601485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590526454576169,0.0,0.0,0.22092235351478748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605354917495327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267885905814715,0.16211976734445355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525292039574302,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cosmiccmermaid,2019/02/27,"how to get over somebody who definitely doesn’t give a fuck about you? i hate that i think about you so often

i hate what you did to me and i especially hate that i’m the one stuck feeling like shit when i know you’re doing fine  

fucking kill me",1.1103773584905667,2.930416641509435,2.7930566037735858,93.9175094339623,80.69811320754717,5.749433962264153,20.033962264150947,6.742157984588678,0.012980377358490449,194,5,46,2,5,64,39,53,0.37799999999999995,0.495,0.127,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,3,0,0,6,9,7,0,2,0,3,3,1,1,0,6,15,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,2,1,10,2,5,13,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,1,2,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971544528650295,0.1691448888403797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377706619069055,0.12369988592505213,0.2271264622661691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7012689509322084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619452775231426,0.0,0.13011979477395536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567136861258046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043802089213158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430357630969237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170938505694048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mafuteru,2019/02/27,"Any low-maintenence feel-good activities? Been feeling really stressed and agitated for no particular reason lately and I want to get back into the swing of healing. Normally I use video games to cope with a bad mood but I've been feeling more and more anxious even just thinking about gaming.

Whatever your answer is, I hope it gets you thinking about making your days better, as well <3",5.449483568075117,7.868340169014091,5.810915492957751,74.47768779342726,69.84507042253522,8.67699530516432,30.143192488262912,9.2995712137729,3.037195305164319,316,13,51,7,6,101,59,71,0.142,0.674,0.184,0.5166,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,6,6,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,18,13,5,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,6,3,9,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157061576456297,0.0,0.0,0.2609204827215895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775949521646394,0.192843004420854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042664651564859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489509054266061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254773364955074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35034285723156494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413354510243655,0.0,0.0,0.19371934658245613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939664394452103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605343606757796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416843415711046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262929965874295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795969693414554,0.2374666413052736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645653424159561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959812985561607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994763727846774,0.0,0.0,0.13622693485059792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766190961904216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Laluhhh,2019/02/27,I can’t feel anything. Am I the only one who feels numb in a certain period of time? Like I can’t feel happiness nor sadness. I only feel empty..,-0.5382258064516137,1.6248150967741957,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,91.58064516129032,5.680645161290323,20.65322580645161,7.1686216300943375,0.9166064516129032,112,4,23,2,4,41,23,31,0.075,0.594,0.331,0.8023,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,4,3,2,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705352242524751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6649083913616924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499630566023545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061182299145527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277114312472893,0.5000620482431004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169817568820194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kittcatluvsu,2019/02/27,I don't know I messed up guys.  My best friend can't even trust me anymore and I don't blame him.   I just wish that I could fix things.  He keeps telling me that it's okay and that he still loves me but I can't forgive myself.  I just don't know what to do :(,-1.5689346246973381,0.22190508474576376,0.09714285714285786,109.37830508474579,91.3728813559322,3.371428571428572,13.513317191283292,3.1291,-1.9099801452784504,196,3,56,0,7,62,37,59,0.136,0.635,0.23,0.3536,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,11,12,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,13,6,2,11,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,1,36,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029813784351775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32061130547363875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439229041339833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178484291910315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603436061078936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025004875212233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27154913078097875,0.0,0.0,0.3357978986570946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757324745429976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439787089013004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670270478884723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029656285186377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513185834001233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,guyy32,2019/02/27,"Does anyone else go into a spiral of sad and rage-filled thoughts when they feel financially wronged? I've noticed the thing that really affects me the most is when I feel financially ripped off or cheated. 

Examples:
The time I was forced to do tests to get prescribed medication at a doctor's office and they assured me it would be covered by my insurance when I showed concern over cost. I was billed over $400 by my insurance and they basically said, ""Tough luck."" I had to pay it, or ruin my credit.

When I got pulled over for speeding at 1AM on a big wide, empty street I'd never been on before with an artifically low speed limit (school nearby). Yes, I was speeding for 20 seconds, but it was an honest mistake that I corrected, and I was not putting anyone at risk. No one deserves a $160 ticket for that.

When I was living in a college apartment where they placed you with random roommates. I was the first one in the apartment so the energy bill was under my name. The first bill didn't come for 3 months, and I was moving out of the apartment at the time because my room had noise issues with the hallway furnace right next to the head of the bed. The energy bill was high, like $300 a month because the insulation was terrible and we kept the heat too high. Anyway, the roommates were like, ""It's too high, we're not paying our share."" I threatened to sue and got one of them to pay, but the entire thing made me lose my mind so I never took the other one to court.

All these examples just made me feel super suicidal and wished the worst on the people I felt wronged by. I guess money is such a trigger for me, because it's very hard for me to hold down jobs and I also feel like I can't even begin to consider trying to attain a romantic relationship when I'm financially suffering. ",6.1766806722689065,5.863407249299723,6.741247899159664,78.52397268907562,66.14285714285714,9.49294117647059,31.01526610644257,8.982922981607832,2.399744089635854,1416,47,279,21,20,465,194,357,0.157,0.7509999999999999,0.091,-0.9687,2,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,2,1,5,6,16,22,1,1,30,1,22,3,1,4,5,50,42,22,1,3,7,0,6,3,0,1,2,1,2,0,12,16,0,3,6,2,10,6,7,13,0,7,25,7,38,9,43,15,3,56,0,5,0,0,12,31,0,6,22,189,50,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869789673590921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210139756298785,0.1114421295750174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890557138945728,0.0,0.09255061692703756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369102486605843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132512057910476,0.09518058630068496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085882100486473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183795620462786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997848788955754,0.07770141269638868,0.1044310197801078,0.0,0.0,0.18503013286780176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056824985683304324,0.0,0.061813397416314586,0.0,0.17397788496983432,0.0,0.11981640856571593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974316688064904,0.0,0.11162380176527184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447471402130836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352192708774808,0.10793202829039968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941058836611852,0.0,0.09604108591386762,0.0,0.0,0.1216797049872267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583128463428504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095688364998744,0.0,0.0,0.10982118518640467,0.0,0.1736296443256374,0.11559949856565405,0.0,0.0,0.16777184448601318,0.0,0.11567232753848447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238291553948756,0.0,0.0,0.2948066822236793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540364078535132,0.0,0.11363580019534135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933840871670844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967735261687685,0.0,0.0,0.1167724173596759,0.0,0.09288432716999404,0.10345998914676716,0.0,0.0,0.11007552622488444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897075905482213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451666162470025,0.0,0.0,0.08634689963043743,0.12684296172805656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084141148681447,0.0738439865781593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974214038834377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507385908211174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726321217686713,0.2378339116759641,0.0,0.0
bpd,kousi,2019/02/27,"Spinning out I just feel like everything's weird, people I'm texting and emailing at work won't respond, the shipping guy won't ever bring back packages or respond to emails about them. Nothing is working I feel like maybe I died and I just don't know it. Everyone's weird.  I can't decide if I'm getting mad or sad about it and I'm thinking about just clocking out and going home.  Probably shit will be weird there too. IDK what the fuck is going on.",1.6004347826086942,3.991299913043482,2.748000000000001,91.747,82.47826086956522,4.984347826086957,25.50434782608696,6.2581,0.8497617391304351,360,15,72,3,10,115,60,92,0.252,0.696,0.052000000000000005,-0.9534,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,10,9,3,0,2,0,8,2,1,0,1,18,20,7,1,1,6,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,0,2,6,2,8,16,0,10,0,1,0,1,6,4,2,3,5,41,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154675583931595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231538024461179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180275479120408,0.0,0.2131774191625068,0.20050395204167976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225607690823088,0.3187591015886091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624829967960429,0.11655825007308725,0.0,0.25358075667882746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089973231493365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237830903513055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260751467394765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798649543153534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412952975548134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406625798562395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466640797874384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405348043897812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290044411917908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429506608649179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248325272319101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheGirlWhoWearsPlaid,2019/02/27,"I just want this pain to end Seems like all I feel is pain, it's unbareable. Even when it only lasts 10 minutes, it's too much. I just feel so alone and hopeless, this is not a life worth living.",0.6414285714285732,2.380827666666669,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,81.85714285714286,5.152380952380953,17.642857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.6129714285714285,150,3,37,1,4,48,32,42,0.318,0.603,0.079,-0.9099,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,6,3,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,6,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29504510724671856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25231514021043033,0.0,0.0,0.18815758306737654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880832278288625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322115568468465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012159926033643,0.13917578119325288,0.0,0.2515502883913539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094162729680771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666065708324048,0.6062552410124181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25933995883927263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802695259341174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AsuhoChinami,2019/02/27,"What age did you develop Borderline qualities? Were you ever more emotionally stable? For me, Borderline qualities were something that took many years to fully develop. I had a sensitive temperament since infancy, but I was happy and emotionally healthy until some things started to go downhill in my personal life when I was six. I was a sweet but very anxious and withdrawn nervous wreck from about the ages of 9-16, before developing some problems with anger and impulsion from 17 onwards which peaked when I was 23. I'm turning 32 in August and have recovered enough that sometimes I think I'm not Borderline at all, but I still have the occasional bad days that remind me ""Yep, the craziness isn't all gone just yet.""

How about you guys? I've read that 17 is an age that might correlate with a high spike in BPD behavior, for whatever reason.",7.874724014336916,8.314634780645164,7.875053763440863,69.27702508960574,62.483870967741936,12.050179211469533,37.86738351254481,11.645159339076185,4.752878136200717,681,32,115,20,9,220,106,155,0.157,0.759,0.084,-0.9245,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,0,9,6,1,1,7,1,13,1,0,2,3,21,21,11,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,4,0,1,10,1,13,2,16,10,6,21,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,13,79,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854115370512155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541301097039522,0.0,0.0,0.15707776321153147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324924416857829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904927255646487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152917399883104,0.0,0.190737211973934,0.0,0.0,0.16697782396515187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491026991548487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277925221880997,0.0,0.1965060789005993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950360118468444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303857495439147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871515651360498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958273881821503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611822746181159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766336254516821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846461463176841,0.0,0.0,0.1897956297939366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269987755911613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142111167129793,0.18257035396729196,0.0,0.1306581347852866,0.0,0.1474187573570826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226375074987428,0.11828178614460015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050931614495577,0.0,0.20078764872865126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523111908495356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887389540254775
bpd,Digit4lSynaps3,2019/02/27,"Has anyone found comfort from the stress & minor panic attacks with medication? Obviously BPD symptoms are a spectrum and some people exoerience them to different amplitudes.

I never liked the idea of any kind of pill (antidepressant or stress reliever) as i theorized they fight the symptom not the cause.

Ive been going to therapy for 4 years now, things are better for sure, but i still get cinvictions pinned in my head, i have alot of stress with alnost everything and feel very unstable. I split often and take smtimes emotional decissions because i drown in stress.

I am wondering if maybe at 32 y/o, i should try the other route in combination with therapy.

Whats your experience like?",6.767840501792115,8.65331608870968,7.293010752688173,67.31507168458782,65.53225806451613,11.317562724014337,33.939068100358426,11.20814326018867,4.505418637992831,561,25,89,18,9,184,97,124,0.207,0.7140000000000001,0.078,-0.9543,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,1,2,1,3,14,2,5,7,0,8,5,1,1,3,22,14,7,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,1,13,7,16,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,6,6,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221477515581946,0.0,0.08925792445774128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177657202678292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932155045424347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001185082950239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608441178011923,0.0,0.0,0.16531112128361372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483507640174608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713357495127526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764424748498978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179635617287194,0.1283926097093518,0.0,0.0,0.06636648926837836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391437067634688,0.0,0.0,0.06857533822889404,0.0,0.07459526093899638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470553258225526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481709576503604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366819204713133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824915991940014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318633241355938,0.0,0.0,0.1322256386336913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123197430293447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539995026309116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909957144444074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048204401839122,0.0,0.601408794698319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370631677487935,0.2728484752177247,0.0986874511317155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002031421190696,0.0,0.08720001273608928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911355268946416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829914968766452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234048606327945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452393891972218
bpd,vldh,2019/02/27,"Jealousy. I’m new to this sub and new to BPD in general. I’ve seen a lot of posts about jealousy which is not an uncommon emotion for me. But today I came across a beautiful beautiful girl’s instagram profile and, well, she basically looks like me if I were pretty. I realized that my boyfriend liked some of her selfies and I instantly felt sick. I’ve been with him for a long time and haven’t come across instances like this with him before so this is a very unfamiliar experience. I had to leave school because I feel so extremely enraged and insecure. I’m especially angry because I if a friend told me that their boyfriend did this I would say it’s no big fucking deal. I do shit like this all the time. It’s not a big deal but I am so completely hurt and manic and I just kept exploding during my walk home. I kept screaming and crying and attempting to get hit by cars. I am just now taking a break from punching myself. I can’t believe something so small is making me freak the fuck out like this. I am shocked by my emotions and just want to die. I sound so dramatic which makes me hate myself more. I am so sick of being self deprecating. 

Fuck. ",2.6292836617405584,4.660278254310349,3.977192118226601,86.22511494252875,76.80172413793103,7.522495894909687,26.564860426929393,8.418075326091056,1.850308456486044,913,36,187,18,21,300,136,232,0.242,0.669,0.08900000000000001,-0.9921,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,18,6,1,10,0,16,6,1,2,1,37,37,20,1,4,9,0,2,5,1,1,2,3,1,2,12,15,0,2,3,0,0,4,5,11,1,0,10,7,32,7,20,24,4,20,0,1,2,3,12,7,4,4,12,122,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626649665850162,0.0,0.10906602994885553,0.14440740678888805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614297726765861,0.0,0.0,0.14659609876903235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040994067101977,0.13438725666565293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079234124385462,0.0,0.2642820692151475,0.0,0.0,0.13302363975969606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883554006946301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537807279871604,0.0,0.0,0.06480826693781175,0.0,0.12306645929660295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990263664218822,0.3554824255948022,0.06696525421612806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654458873552915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856826115053396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721215860228614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571700805438333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130949776850266,0.0,0.0,0.11342932886223135,0.10763328289230677,0.0,0.0,0.10896834820500204,0.0,0.0,0.17111333360453512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24758112564941426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227545820891708,0.13039831573830987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192854523774654,0.0,0.12971821300060954,0.0,0.0,0.13371269572189454,0.0,0.13156804097019878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867406113602564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637036321889424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947775306068475,0.0,0.12149329264299913,0.1224750719782082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057563881933466,0.0755999276909648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524318130320428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105062821861297,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theseance,2019/02/27,"Boyfriend worried I’ll accuse him of abuse Last night we were sitting and watching basketball when he playfully and lightly swat at me a few times. I’m really jumpy due to anxiety and some previous abuse and the surprise of his movement sent me into a fight or flight mode. After he did it twice I knew if he did it a third time I’d really panic. So I told him not to hit me and repeated it firmly, I guess just so he would be sure I really meant for him to not do it. I knew he wasn’t actually hitting or hurting me but I was a little shaken because I used to be hit in the past and it’s some PTSD.

He asked if I would ever tell my friends that he hit me and I paused and tried to jokingly say yes (because he was technically hitting me and I’m the moment couldn’t think of an alternate word). Big mistake on my part as it wasn’t the time to try to be light hearted and I could have worded or explained myself better.

This morning he told me he was concerned. That he would never really hit me and I could ruin his life with such accusations. I told him I completely trust him, feel safe with him, and know he’s not the kind of man to hurt me. He’s shown that on several occasions. I apologized for my reaction and know he’s right for feeling concerned, as false accusations are awful.

I feel awful. In the moment I truly panicked and my reaction made it seem like I thought he was hitting me. That if it happens in the future I could apply my past to his actions and overinflate the truth. I have to admit that there’s a tiny possibility of it, a fact for which I regret and hate myself for. My reaction last night made it seem like he was actually hurting me.

I do really trust him and KNOW he won’t ever hurt me. I feel awful that he can’t have trust in me.

He’s right for being concerned. He’s right for being worried about whether or not I’m right for him. I’m a mess and though I’m actively trying to fix and improve myself, maybe it’s not enough. I want to assure him and show him that I do care and trust him but maybe I won’t get that chance. My chance was last night and I messed that up with my paranoia and poor choice of words.",2.28171010654307,3.787570213808465,4.043816288448807,87.6844302654548,76.26057906458796,7.259399265635348,23.939144043821106,8.00916892397051,1.1903197616324563,1682,53,365,27,37,567,185,449,0.171,0.6729999999999999,0.156,-0.5616,0,0,0,0,6,0,32.0,1,0,0,1,10,29,2,1,16,4,33,2,1,3,7,87,75,39,0,13,16,0,4,2,1,5,1,1,0,1,22,28,0,1,16,3,1,3,12,12,0,2,21,8,65,17,42,33,5,40,0,6,1,0,48,15,0,12,23,233,87,0,0.0,0.1959477691991932,0.16138662199882906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325746623612112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730379528145417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081386209883056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313240326087819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430775617951132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669867598643835,0.0,0.0,0.1980632164325057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544066179070478,0.0,0.0,0.14959530587984116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724177800468526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388592988310758,0.0,0.0432020045775473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109213084838808,0.0,0.07312231192964783,0.0,0.0,0.08163905245803564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798780427064456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540845397166245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610869601779966,0.1363324451130022,0.20220965621455625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840624707585414,0.08079611325300025,0.08287689718339039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648616526771014,0.0,0.0,0.16614602508854154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637754669562358,0.0,0.0,0.23279631090780986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701865698997586,0.0,0.08954498906411551,0.1578735302308639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322031859804447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665994440202487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648659978096673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824665297722707,0.0,0.0657582432783972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055536606840406,0.0,0.09341593073929197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793415244619269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227452483677221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052984281260031935,0.08124230296895715,0.06564646006038831,0.1446512519267169,0.0,0.0,0.237040925873032,0.0,0.16842282709688164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141743273586525,0.0,0.0,0.048772583041739564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795099974984087,0.0,0.17622137195478782,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dauntlessdamsel,2019/02/27,"Have anxiety that becomes IRRATIONAL and out of control??? To the point where I believe that people are going **out of their way to do something to destroy my life**.

​

I full heartedly believed last night that either my boss from work, or my future landlord (to the house I move into on Friday), or even law enforcement (to the house I move into on Friday) was stalking me and watching my every move.

At work I am LOVED  by my bosses and there is no reason at all for me to believe any of these entities would have a personal vendetta against me...

In the moment, I was at my house by myself, my FP/ SO had gone out after work to have a drink with a friend, I could not wrap my mind arounds anything other than these irrational thoughts and the potential disastrous, (*but now I'm able to see with a clear mind*) ridiculous consequences of these irrational thoughts. For example: landlord deciding I could no longer live at the property I'm supposed to move into on Friday, or being fired from my (*REALLY GOOD*) job.

​

I called my FP/SO as I'm in the middle of having a panic attack/feeling watched & interrupted his time with his friend, which I now feel guilty for. I don't want him to think I was trying to manipulate him into **HAVING TO** come home and **not** spend time with his friends just because my brain fails me... :\[ I hate BPD",2.351182838813152,5.008231228682174,3.338569901095965,86.97244186046512,81.67441860465118,6.194279604383856,24.788024592354983,7.503015589744147,1.4517670141673351,1059,41,197,17,29,338,143,258,0.16,0.779,0.061,-0.9731,1,0,2,0,0,0,63.0,0,0,1,5,8,10,3,1,12,0,18,5,2,5,2,45,32,11,0,4,8,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,3,1,8,18,1,1,6,1,1,7,5,5,0,0,7,5,35,5,49,21,3,38,0,1,3,1,12,21,0,3,9,145,43,7,0.09224777432986443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29985127483708524,0.22418228566568946,0.06273164985527828,0.0,0.07056929486908457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591205825371182,0.0821200768174664,0.0,0.10494516062131512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056233387018599694,0.10188041920778836,0.0,0.31179495674206403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618284248203455,0.10297902432279134,0.09419529151026954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946328940901999,0.0,0.0,0.10346372289840627,0.14730468306536545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903676997487934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092878493539532,0.0,0.07772272848679365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932864928733376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381120485026536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242653600245562,0.07737305644188137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107557903503301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931405673660564,0.0,0.0,0.09253203907663128,0.0,0.0,0.3193246384602004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154168195730383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751942482252682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515733109997701,0.0,0.0,0.08145647479084175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325721792627364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628791037742845,0.0,0.0,0.3921791408811007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656828717296662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823288728277716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395299164232778,0.08054719838231088,0.0,0.0,0.08720396385742488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909628637497213,0.09484607585621962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350953278129757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101684349762016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910864898870445,0.0,0.1464688572830575,0.10758083809738822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263018346703803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441012735717318,0.07322198948258701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147243513349306,0.0,0.0,0.06553017216599054,0.0,0.22418228566568946,0.0
bpd,djpacheco1003,2019/02/27,"Driving them away. I keep pushing every one away with my episodes. I recently lost my best friend, my favorite person. She just completely cut me off and blocked me on all social media. I'm so tempted to try to talk to her again but I know how unfair that is to her. Does it get better? I can't keep losing everyone I care about. I don't want to spend my whole life constantly trying to repair relationships I broke.",1.7941231593038791,4.226974409638558,3.2187148594377533,88.41179384203484,82.01204819277109,6.098527443105756,22.475234270415,7.3871296695380915,0.9906904953145914,328,11,65,5,9,107,63,83,0.152,0.6579999999999999,0.19,0.6753,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,4,6,8,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,11,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,17,4,12,10,3,9,0,3,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625910911323863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250327198012932,0.1706605209433124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967391326910483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023185421127284,0.20852497510602835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688636455591288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625800580564529,0.18438487861561975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908310938321734,0.0,0.10081545632650736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430296221480537,0.0,0.0,0.10604768459686248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629581564210982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587678089932646,0.21064243771268693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075705096576992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684882716322272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905281615598496,0.20717056768082828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670197188436656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550967394363347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620190789078512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381486261243765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154368392127592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ghost-in-a-host,2019/02/27,"DAE have trouble waking up? I´ve been unable to get up in time for YEARS, and I´m always late for school every singel day. It gives me anxiety and makes me feel worthless, and my mom shames me and call me lazy, so then why can´t I just get up on time? 

I feel like I could but I just have no motivation to do so, and after learning about dissociation I feel like I might be dissociating while waking up. It scares to think about living for myself and having to get up in the morning without anyone to force me... When I´ve told this to my doctor, she tells me I just have to go to bed earlier, or correct my rutine - but these things don´t really help... I feel so alone, and the shame of being late and being told I´m lazy is unbearable... 

Anyone else struggle with this as well, and know something that helps? Could I be dissociating while waking up? Please share..",3.41,5.252993333333336,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,74.0,6.942857142857143,20.92857142857143,7.7094869923839395,0.6983642857142858,672,15,135,9,14,217,99,168,0.156,0.753,0.091,-0.883,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,4,2,0,14,4,3,2,1,30,28,20,0,2,7,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,10,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,4,20,4,27,18,0,21,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,2,13,94,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880977235706014,0.0,0.0,0.11955377126863727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991526761891897,0.0,0.0,0.20092963597572325,0.14721775661919673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671395957690214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294345393515155,0.0,0.0,0.09266210219387494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470631848971001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200267066719794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105710447506585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29059691891282435,0.20529090222750124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520155377817025,0.13783152620817232,0.08165699750483492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261215835787893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896310154547685,0.0,0.32415595574678124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039016955916198,0.0,0.12687260433221956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590791784729973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242241356399314,0.0,0.16827698508408345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577181550375954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204547309477172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438493483568474,0.145412440441535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106123473810057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020616210566473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558317953822531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954550079023856,0.0920647284947212,0.0,0.0,0.1675626294988288,0.0,0.0,0.2745859459152467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291861169677574,0.0,0.12964939564162709,0.0,0.0,0.13850297352741886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925255972374836
bpd,magnolia666,2019/02/27,"Experience with DBT Do you feel like it has changed your life? I keep seeing posts on here where people say they almost don't have bpd anymore due to dbt treatment. 
I start tomorrow and I'm really hopeful but I want to keep my expectations in check. ",1.8778231292516985,4.575655591836735,3.2480612244897955,86.32134353741499,84.91836734693878,6.531972789115647,22.452380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.3202625850340135,200,7,39,4,6,65,42,49,0.0,0.8740000000000001,0.126,0.5983,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,12,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,5,12,0,7,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566457109203977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541790300130961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32279871869548066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27112960233334404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507089032022425,0.0,0.0,0.12959211415302066,0.18309954651669136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25456202792279825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556193850545554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810310588324784,0.1252143962677778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768496034238773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454629103131407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419124471371033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381868385057272,0.0,0.0,0.20423655065398735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814092457802728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117136936694664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mplaga,2019/02/27,"Always curious When I meet new people and we first start to have a conversation, often I’m asked what’s my favorite *blank* - FIRST OF ALL, I for some reason don’t have anything “favorite”. I kinda describe it as seasonal favorites, one month I might really like the color blue but the next one I only like the color green, never just one stationary “favorite” thing (i.e. movie, song, place) Is that just me? 
Going back to my main point. I’m always curious about what other people really like, their passions, what they love and most importantly WHY? I’m starting to think that it’s because I don’t have a clue into what I like so I want people that do know to explain their reasoning behind their choices as if that were to guide me into what I’M SUPPOSED to love. I always want to know more and test new theories and sometimes when I don’t get a concrete answer I’m so disappointed. 
I can’t explain why exactly I love my girlfriend but I know I do, so why would anyone be able to explicitly explain why they love something or someone? 
Does this make sense? Does anyone else experience this? ",3.519458646616542,5.769637171428574,4.622431077694234,81.608007518797,74.90476190476191,7.087719298245614,25.814536340852126,8.032893268588372,1.748476190476191,866,31,156,14,19,283,115,210,0.024,0.703,0.27399999999999997,0.9957,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,5,2,10,10,0,0,6,0,14,5,0,3,4,36,38,15,0,4,6,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,0,10,1,0,1,5,1,0,5,1,5,25,9,16,34,5,18,0,1,4,5,17,4,0,7,17,104,40,1,0.10836667426511018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705092621855486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154499659368573,0.11103446396569283,0.08917653948113577,0.0,0.10130821201214887,0.0,0.0,0.08332728343426701,0.0,0.06605931880890534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896648138390579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052645104057283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600340136576457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435327554152306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056617114633982266,0.0,0.06158727829585056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866647042821446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176993293513666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912206177668134,0.0,0.07233559655297739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495991635174993,0.0,0.0,0.08649724552003224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357905978681197,0.2093224185614648,0.11524918747406004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029618910083631,0.0824177389679793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253834218959513,0.0,0.1132201099361514,0.0,0.1024415343851244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884493284302493,0.22283797917729095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181873144167804,0.08342596016597274,0.10717741177688002,0.0,0.15340497961011287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199400316021601,0.06943698921455684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278349443305558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911362726652761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698057620615684,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LookingforMeaning7,2019/02/27,"Pure O (OCD) and BPD Do many people with BPD experience what is called pure O that consists in irrational fears, intrusive thoughts and obsession ? 

If yes, what are the fears, thoughts and obsession you usually have ?",6.631801801801803,9.133588756756758,5.803783783783783,75.41936936936938,66.83783783783784,11.41981981981982,36.65765765765766,11.20814326018867,4.916863063063063,172,9,29,6,3,52,28,37,0.293,0.6459999999999999,0.06,-0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,9,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832470607755239,0.0,0.23643390770351336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264959902782454,0.0,0.5211062627209339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347508579067391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605245387629293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676426255395788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550147246317757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,philboswaggins,2019/02/27,"I left the only person who has probably ever really loved me and I don’t even know why. It’s like watching someone else ruin my life when it’s actually just me. I fucking hate BPD. He’s wonderful. He’s been there for me through everything. I was going to move across the world to be with him. He constantly told me I’m good and wonderful and how much he loved me and I fucking loved him but also hated him for it. I became smothered by his love and constant reassurance.

Like for fuck’s sake, tell me I’m a crazy psycho bitch. Tell me when I’m being unreasonable. Why do you have to be so god damn sweet and perfect all the time? I just left. Without more than a ”this isn’t working for me. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful life. Goodbye.” 

It’s like watching a movie of someone screwing up my life. It’s like I’m purposely trying to destroy my every chance at happiness.

And the worst part? I know that the second someone else shows me any kindness I’ll be head over fucking heels and ready to die for them. 

Fuck bpd. Fuck everything. I need a god damn drink and I’m too poor to afford it and I just want to punch something or someone or myself. ",0.8648382559774959,3.1818508143459923,2.770042194092828,90.83694796061887,85.16033755274262,5.705203938115331,22.279887482419127,7.093109894594671,0.7837414908579472,901,32,190,13,27,300,126,237,0.2,0.5479999999999999,0.251,0.8881,1,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,2,12,31,14,0,10,0,13,17,2,1,4,30,40,18,1,2,7,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,11,1,0,5,2,1,2,3,16,0,1,3,3,30,15,22,32,5,15,0,1,2,11,21,7,10,5,10,114,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.08591175454942769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040343738939939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986841727071865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22175992212732687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902742001017367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136887051592307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624308732254023,0.0,0.0,0.1470878192766213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814783970651782,0.07963482376245982,0.0741752648176942,0.0,0.15824458790006388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4883346715445783,0.0,0.0,0.0500336551118028,0.0738415526972413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371739665721794,0.0,0.17383731438343136,0.09035172039124653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916773529952955,0.096766050920516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130567782838293,0.0,0.18655015269990907,0.1720424100676668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178285841426765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935697710219164,0.06471758232631891,0.06527857987998624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695637217169083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533587141644613,0.0,0.0,0.07687081869940325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094919153983486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639898105675325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983750455532428,0.06777545353220309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297416096885113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389704948402336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133528705531201,0.0,0.0,0.08412346116239536,0.0,0.05977158206737021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051926710295155824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888003098822615,0.0,0.0,0.08486486426371131,0.2864182535923031,0.06409223968521141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HexJudicata,2019/02/27,"Does anyone ever cry after/while masturbating? I hate that I can't have sex everyday (My bf and i cannot have alone time very often and he hates sexting/nudes and such, so no sexual activity when we are apart. That's my only problem with him) and I have a big need of sexual activity, not only physically, but also for validation and to be able to sleep. 
I get very sad and grumpy with myself (not exteriorizing) when I don't have sex for over, let's say, a week.
As I need sexual activity, i often masturbate, but it makes me feel miserable that i have to do it myself and my boyfriend is not available for me everyday. I often cry because i feel so unloved and worthless...

I normally only fantasize,  because if i watch porn and see a couple having sex, i envy them so much that I can't even go on with it. 

So yeah, after a climax i cry and feel very sad. Anyone else knows this feeling?

",3.6631070047271166,4.781443217877096,5.930837988826816,77.0659346798453,72.12849162011173,9.083111302105717,26.05973356252686,9.466822959209583,2.229896948861195,692,22,138,16,13,245,98,179,0.21899999999999997,0.745,0.036000000000000004,-0.9877,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,1,0,13,8,2,1,4,1,15,5,1,1,1,34,28,21,0,5,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,14,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,0,7,26,0,14,26,1,14,0,4,2,4,6,5,0,4,8,98,34,0,0.13923147461163762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420181768191484,0.0,0.11134335994398033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470776868297585,0.14265909935406687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974842924685796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405697843280575,0.4588177111635216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184240169699426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163100312454196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919610758576758,0.1259428399385805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815984680054862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274269891738716,0.0,0.0791284556123852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27492451199554113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651797722892728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237361601141285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293809045338697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235115401834756,0.2064767484578408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641728347826332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176754313580517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322571758196491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072245695336934,0.0,0.0,0.1109494589056891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933202591747426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118699251590507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34464164416265874,0.0,0.0,0.111683090620372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ninimben,2019/02/27,"i literally feel completely empty CW: discusses suicide i don't have any goals or aspirations. i don't have any faith i can improve my circumstances. i'm just stuck. i don't want anything for my life. i'm just here because i haven't tried to off myself yet. i'm also afraid to off myself because knowing me i'd just fuck it up and get hospitalized and that's kind of the opposite result to what i'd want.

i'm sick of life. people suck. i just want to die. i have nothing to live for. i don't even know how to talk about this in therapy because my therapist interprets it as being sad. it's definitely melancholic to feel devoid of any kind of aspirations or goals. but it's more just that i feel empty and life doesn't seem worth the trouble.

i read a news article about how if nothing changes with fossil fuel emissions we'll lock in 8 degrees celsius warming. and it's impossible to see how anything will be done about climate change. for reference, the paris climate accord, which is a dead letter now, committed to keeping climate change below 2 degrees celsius, and scientists weren't even sure that was a safe amount of warming.

that's a stumbling block, i guess. it looks like we're collectively fucked and it's hard to even think about wanting to work on my shit when society is collectively a pack of lemmings marching off a fucking cliff

but even if i set that aside, life is literally completely overwhelming and i don't feel any desire to do anything with my life. i'm just here. and everybody's mad at me for just existing. i go through my life trying to do the bare minimum and it's not enough for anybody and like even doing the bare minimum is often too much for me

but because i have bpd everybody just thinks i'm a whiny lying manipulator trying to get out of work",3.5201605288007562,5.487265912181304,4.8103314447592105,81.53262653446652,74.01416430594902,7.992785646836637,29.330406043437208,8.745826893841286,2.4311402077431543,1429,62,273,29,30,473,170,353,0.18899999999999997,0.753,0.057999999999999996,-0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,0,4,28,20,6,2,12,0,26,11,1,5,2,58,57,23,3,7,16,0,7,2,0,2,7,0,0,0,16,13,0,3,11,1,1,1,9,11,0,0,4,9,28,9,45,49,4,16,1,3,2,3,4,10,5,7,6,171,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322612298461348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490748888701215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260555977373344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327365300866148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153254722559824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905973377902448,0.0,0.19201258334423985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503212339418536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937048658681629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461322221138033,0.0,0.30239580761437235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519617210063632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539567387767796,0.09567999061349117,0.0,0.05203965485836149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087140990057614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820260757197229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138898593331458,0.0,0.19070594772828892,0.10064569299719987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880590190176935,0.08947005391586993,0.0,0.08085536747832582,0.0,0.07689324573903336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731230488765066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572207494438727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348105112400577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159181206034156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296706985483374,0.08335918757183193,0.0,0.0,0.09399224323434444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015947186582186,0.0,0.08630084468808975,0.0,0.0,0.0735981124034738,0.0,0.0,0.10471488206233366,0.10631638251734807,0.0,0.11734491450559086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650401379872916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603443327510025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332378075776374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SorcZerker,2019/02/27,"Alone, always fucking alone, would rather be dead than continue failing. According to the posts seems like alot of people with BPD have this issue. Mine is compounded as there was an accident when I was 13 that left half of my face drooping like I had a stroke. The depression led to self-harm and the isolation led to eating and drug use as a way to feel happy.

Been clean for a long time, the lack of drugs led to more eating. Got real fat, and definitely no relationships. Literally ZERO since I gave up the drugs. Addicts are way more accepting than 'good' people it seems.

Thought being fat was the issue, got in shape with Martial Arts, was feeling good at the progress. I am so used to how horrible I look that I forgot how scary it is when a ' Quasimodo' attempts to make conversation with a normal girl.

I have gotten pretty good at recognizing the look. You can be sitting 5 feet away but they lean back like you have a disease or are going to attack them. I believed all that stuff about personality and confidence being the most important thing. It's all lies, no one cares because you're too ugly to exist.

I'm old now, (somewhere over 30) and my options are running dry. I'm not rich so my value to any girl is dwindling by the second. There is not someone for everyone, some people are meant to die alone because God or Fate is a fucking bitch and hates them. Just laughs at their misfortune for it's own amusement.

Got a plan, 2020 I fucking quit. I really want things to be better, but at this point I have lost. I realize I am waiting on a miracle that will never happen. All my effort has been for nothing.

I have been told ""things will get better"" since I was 14 years old. To all you younger people, don't be fooled by those ass holes, **it's highly possible that things never gets any better.** They don't know, they haven't been there **but I have**. I am living proof. Over 20 years of struggling and nothing to show for it. 

Fuck God, Fuck Fate, Fuck Life, it's a shit game for those of us who were dealt a bad hand. I refuse to fucking play anymore.",2.150525451559933,4.541987763546796,3.235172413793105,89.0854022988506,80.23152709359606,6.132676518883415,22.22824302134647,7.35660576581511,0.8571287356321842,1616,51,324,23,42,518,222,406,0.201,0.639,0.16,-0.9774,0,5,3,0,0,1,59.0,1,3,6,10,15,33,11,1,23,0,43,22,7,8,7,55,80,20,2,5,9,0,4,3,0,3,8,0,1,3,22,10,4,3,9,5,1,5,9,17,0,4,21,6,33,16,46,50,11,36,0,3,2,8,20,14,10,8,16,213,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072610276958657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300823200234539,0.0,0.0,0.06161604538318336,0.0,0.0,0.10071391767530544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343831403142577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424326708782967,0.0695729922325475,0.05694035357156953,0.061829172066487866,0.0902811375734654,0.0,0.0,0.08342968734639318,0.0,0.19647525912857824,0.0,0.0,0.09326415979823033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549953920712787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377968788147932,0.0,0.07685284932133181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576256184811085,0.15154453581674274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075853787615538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488443381561062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792102150159186,0.07737678207172413,0.0,0.04208467211633908,0.18633043259865895,0.1776751291100488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548271602310694,0.0788282587211086,0.0,0.07310965350286656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823854248078106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545792103069837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069628249108495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045621199781461,0.0,0.05230414069679973,0.10853217301869476,0.0,0.0653880514471688,0.06553246577387724,0.12436773624636585,0.0,0.08083499590164457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049429361834243374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422480175282786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725538821875578,0.14210712826142186,0.0,0.1554073316930188,0.0,0.050178614498119854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534949583548856,0.06465814246530603,0.0,0.0,0.07000176830322934,0.08348094431440252,0.07092002156792929,0.07533609912715769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876194620913111,0.0,0.08428581384535992,0.04743872139993165,0.0,0.0,0.07950264994684159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482580107009615,0.0772509433302799,0.0,0.07601189417498612,0.12251087113697327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274284744811595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741378296080854,0.08477023996599224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678375802130588,0.0,0.0,0.05878791833322361,0.043179510249518285,0.0,0.0,0.07075853787615538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907377459266007,0.12791191480492156,0.0,0.0,0.04367697246920206,0.11755586594301658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260343367343186,0.0,0.0,0.09537233895668004
bpd,SterilizedHemoglobin,2019/02/27,"lol, mannnnn (vent) every single time i make a new fp, something happens and they just find a way to leave. idfk what it is with me and trying to make friends but every time i finally get nice and comfortably close, they turn around and they're fucking gone. i just got back from a nice weed session, help me take my mind off life for a couple hours and this shit. i don't know how to deal with this shit.",6.820301204819278,5.088400156626509,6.292861445783135,86.90387048192774,65.50602409638553,9.263855421686749,30.388554216867472,7.1686216300943375,1.5135566265060238,315,8,71,2,4,97,60,83,0.135,0.6709999999999999,0.195,0.5789,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,5,7,3,0,4,1,2,4,2,3,0,18,12,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,9,4,9,10,1,11,0,0,0,1,5,3,3,0,6,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891543547799284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590405606604084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099519147670428,0.0,0.0,0.19562126158431206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31974077564652714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785902738424175,0.17342570728161866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659838851033674,0.17541843524085948,0.09913519710948528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151758348126107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779301972516136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718369809717525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686299018868327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428022149169497,0.0,0.0,0.20091512385150512,0.0,0.0,0.1340242165359916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533157568579977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159080656751054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325924376116007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895460064347275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607683663444332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266644792213512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128649680516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882604503544728,0.2063907091464608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061267255640867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Live-Love-Lie,2019/02/27,"Does everyone with bpd like cats? I know this sounds odd but anyone ive ever spoke to with bpd has likes cats and even on here i hear alot about cats but never dogs, very anecdotal I know but just an observation. Might be a case of seeing patterns that dont exist simply because I’m looking for them idk?",1.3827649769585264,3.8090828064516167,2.709447004608297,91.41274193548388,83.83870967741936,5.478341013824887,18.534562211981566,6.868970318607317,0.16026912442396354,242,6,50,3,7,78,51,62,0.054000000000000006,0.8490000000000001,0.09699999999999999,0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,13,12,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,7,9,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,4,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175160233205313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101687164179966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5827051100389676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024388019007447,0.0,0.2711175192702854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527915549828713,0.20925160100297385,0.0,0.2210461215140006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607261861996914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25426628855551586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603270809296394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425928350053884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24540500962509665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841627431844342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843403874150463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087181626337604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,citttta,2019/02/27,"Last week: boyfriend broke up with me, friend broke up with me, my yoga studio broke up with me. All in a period of 3 days. I know I’m not perfect. I don’t always say the right things. I’m blunt and impulsive. But I am very aware of my behaviors and I can quickly apologize for my actions and try to turn the situation around. This is a victory for me. A huge one. I’ve made so much progress. I am extremely extremely hurt. I learned to trust again and I don’t want that to be destroyed. Suicidal thoughts are fleeting and don’t stay for long. I’m definitely sad. I’m aware of my feelings of not trying to drown in them. If I start spiraling I quickly begin to use my coping mechanisms. I know this will pass. It always does. I still go to work and therapy and take my meds But laying in bed is my favorite hobby these days. ",0.6071764705882359,2.9234238941176467,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,86.52941176470587,6.458823529411768,22.617647058823533,7.734863291789972,1.1640235294117645,642,24,140,13,20,215,101,170,0.146,0.7240000000000001,0.13,-0.7089,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,3,6,9,1,0,5,0,11,0,0,2,2,26,27,11,2,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,6,11,0,0,5,1,0,3,5,6,0,1,2,2,23,3,23,23,2,25,0,5,0,0,4,9,0,1,12,88,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30842304069316834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498525379358814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904831284191555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621857550942789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370970107852976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143187461025491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532875373594526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984023177058314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370783474906765,0.1510707564830879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640134662359921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536613094069967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586267222536653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624074187669302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558612586247134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827297691673414,0.0,0.14738387488071816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083215406109457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117932604199792,0.19753982885580545,0.1480068062186098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027237185794367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934700550992465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119439119120124,0.0,0.1231267047213899,0.0,0.0,0.1471333352830127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516572588556197,0.2015885844464691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006780969014694,0.0,0.15291875547687792,0.10931393416640534,0.0,0.1486625848739705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492429675793016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boredmoody,2019/02/27,"Mindless venting about school and being an underachiever. I've always been an underachiever all my life. I won't get into it fully, just always had low grades and tried to take the easy way out constantly. Just recently (last 3 months) I've really done my hardest to turn my life around. 

I'm trying my hardest to simultaneously learn Spanish and piano, as well as fit school work and exercise into my daily routine. This sounds normal, but for me it's a struggle because I learn at an extremely slow pace, while also trying to battle my brain which tends to completely delete all information it receives within a couple weeks of learning it. 

I feel so absolutely stupid. My brain just learns and learns, but for nothing. Just to dump everything out. 

Right now I'm forcing myself to drink coffee (I've had 3 cups already) and eat in order to give myself enough energy to stay up all night. This is because I feel like I'm more productive at night. I'm going to do several hours of Spanish practice and piano practice. Will also try to get some school work done. 

How are you all doing tonight? ",4.944975728155338,6.7906212038834965,5.641929611650486,77.54454490291262,69.97087378640775,8.062621359223302,27.923543689320393,8.660442795831766,2.241534951456311,872,31,151,15,16,283,126,206,0.07400000000000001,0.8590000000000001,0.067,-0.5237,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,12,7,3,1,6,0,12,7,2,1,4,33,25,16,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,7,12,2,0,8,2,0,2,1,5,1,0,5,3,15,2,28,17,7,30,0,1,0,0,4,13,0,1,13,95,22,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450411265479525,0.19494420751724284,0.20283765236017687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850428514785296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486010168611521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721299310083273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779503873654033,0.13171534844474586,0.0,0.0,0.1348644211392328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24946317069137916,0.0,0.11940177167020286,0.0,0.12471969631416133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594070854007874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095431804396369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325833846539826,0.08707530556514666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736069578150094,0.11692405392409393,0.06927056125834889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003305153042053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935326983495456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218322016087695,0.05954729011400465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728815609761292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287633056421827,0.1194222952886688,0.1169528006095486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808322345170189,0.0,0.12034761387997843,0.0,0.0,0.10408988575462784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700650895008091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769636446703265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991414338789456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274215985336206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164302186221143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33101007934393223,0.1325768500298648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967473477109788,0.09776951048099712,0.0,0.10959005477287363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746876199144215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EvilSubie21,2019/02/27,"Feel like I’m being sucked out of reality. Just as it says. I feel like if I sit for too long I’m going to disappear within myself. Also extreme anxiety levels, erratic behavior. One minute I feel fine and the next it feels familiar but not here. No visual or auditory hallucinations. Smoked some weed the other day and had a terrible trip. Extreme panic attack which is weird for me. Now I’m having this obsessive thought of actually losing my mind.",2.7128235294117644,5.5520631647058805,5.2167647058823565,72.80044117647061,82.05882352941177,8.576470588235294,24.970588235294123,9.120678840339163,2.8783176470588234,359,14,60,11,10,126,69,85,0.262,0.664,0.07400000000000001,-0.961,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,15,14,7,0,1,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,2,5,6,3,8,11,1,11,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,3,6,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2263883916414125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552200499459115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747141445974773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26392166920077115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961410456803673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469203663461096,0.331466843353811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184503992623473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667680757772915,0.0,0.0,0.20530350200986802,0.0,0.25953702971872444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23424337038343016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246723579031862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720216171956855,0.0,0.0,0.2721898189966437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448744695913002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841738345589929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,westcoastscum,2019/02/27,"Rant post After a year relationship of me not knowing I have BPD and making our day to day close to hell my partner has decided that we need a break. We currently live together and they are making me leave for a few months. I only just starting living in this city with him full-time for a month. I was starting to get established. Lining up a job and fixing up our apartment a bit.. and now I have to find work somewhere outside of this city and housing..

I made some big time mistakes but I don't feel this is fair. I can't talk to him and I have no one here. This area is all new to me and I don't have friends I trust yet. 
All these things are incredibly hard to not let them control me and throw me into an intense episode (?) 
I'm gonna WWOOF somewhere but considering a it's the NE in the end of February....it's not going to be easy

This is really forcing me to rely on myself when all I want to do is cry for not being wanted",1.3162121212121214,3.039200722222226,3.3010101010101,90.98818181818184,79.65656565656566,6.218181818181819,22.61616161616161,7.1686216300943375,0.6583919191919194,725,23,163,9,18,245,121,198,0.121,0.828,0.051,-0.9104,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,4,0,2,2,5,4,1,0,10,0,19,0,0,4,3,36,33,11,0,4,7,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,13,0,1,4,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,2,2,27,2,24,27,6,29,1,0,0,0,12,10,1,1,15,115,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539998846721814,0.0,0.2138829582790394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046811607743,0.0,0.0,0.18653983059616397,0.21904033017776534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041054591554934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586634066175143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155212848379426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312028868452236,0.0,0.08872419527188471,0.0,0.09651289616417903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521258000315255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595004123439708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852062941991333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332889835692153,0.0,0.0,0.17981537538064007,0.0,0.17365295344494833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29990920220326395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068825069955794,0.2267129872359312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710981847666688,0.0,0.0,0.1259197391760406,0.0,0.16401368437171712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507475684571618,0.12915613261706554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264108363789515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879135234738996,0.0,0.0,0.1823236492822192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24039962923928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649527460566435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282118553879415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990236915143722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003290460257244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363133694402605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093588257170632
bpd,etrelibre,2019/02/27,"Recently Diagnosed Hello! 

I was hospitalized last week (after trying to postpone it for as long as possible; hospital stays can be expensive) and was diagnosed with BPD. I had suspected for some time that I have BPD, but I didn't want to say anything without a professional's diagnosis. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. I'm a bit frightened, as well, due to how heavily stigmatized this illness is. Does anyone have any advice for letting loved ones know about their BPD? Does anyone have any advice for coping with the symptoms of BPD, especially the chronic feelings of emptiness and identity disturbance? Thank you so much <3 ",6.133410628019327,8.31743466956522,6.631594202898551,70.27599033816428,67.52173913043478,10.328502415458935,34.51690821256039,10.504223727775694,4.301705314009662,517,25,81,15,9,168,84,115,0.16,0.7509999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.7859,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,4,0,12,7,1,1,0,13,18,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,4,2,8,3,19,12,3,10,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,8,57,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517603541794681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520231455979668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801461095935409,0.0,0.10600684295512247,0.11467598543510835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406366950162745,0.0,0.6489707495960592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614966091141621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254602864355673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513462305821828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220518646271495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079540793363133,0.10500446234909913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317258844200561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400052691237075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626393788577515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094696592403746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729090878797162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452237685031198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719296014571768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244182859115562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730363178434868,0.1028748082871502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389198962633594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859898397679015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511524039471464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491893055649493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598062756568774,0.0,0.10333061910539997,0.0,0.11582351340172355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241766637705764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wwdtpbd,2019/02/27,"DAE get weird stressful dreams? I've been having these recurring dreams where I start engaging in self harming behaviours (in my case, punching myself in the face) in the face of whatever stress is occurring in the dream. It really fucks the rest of my day up because I don't self harm when awake much anymore, and it sort of triggers me into wanting to engage. 

Do any of you get really stressful dreams? Or self harm dreams?",6.528625000000003,7.265859612499997,6.285,78.50000000000001,65.375,9.9,32.25,9.888512548439397,3.107575,339,13,61,7,5,106,55,80,0.17600000000000002,0.593,0.23199999999999998,0.5785,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,10,1,3,4,0,5,3,2,1,0,6,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,7,2,12,9,2,12,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,2,4,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668370311312366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474979003158445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356075796737965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014174763326455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222225944289185,0.19465784896632327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694470907011008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868450504606584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5830238240724203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318571404807339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401842776989609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987876831496092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,travisoraddison,2019/02/27,"I think I’m actually going to do it this time I’m broken. I’ll always be broken.

Sure, I find ways to cope and get through the days. Some of those are healthy, some of them are not. I choose drugs, alcohol and my FP (an unrequited love) to make myself feel better a lot of the time, and I know I could try really hard and find a less-destructive way to deal with everything, but I’ll still be broken.

And I’m just tired. I’m tired of the struggle. I’m tired of people not understanding. I’m tired of pretending to be okay when I’m actually tearing myself apart inside.

Of course, like many of you, I’ve attempted suicide before. Some of those were half-hearted and some of those were serious, but none of them were planned and well-thought out.

But that’s the difference this time. I’ve been secretly reading about and putting together a relatively solid way of just ending everything, finally.

After 30 years on this planet, I’m done with everything and everyone. I won’t ever be let down again. I won’t ever be abandoned again. I won’t ever have to sit and just hate myself, because I’ve ruined everything and have to start over... again.

This is not a cry for help. I won’t be calling or manipulating anyone into saving me or feeling sorry for me. This is it. I’m finished.

And I’m excited about it. I feel a peace that I haven’t had in my life before this week and my final decision.",2.7386904761904742,4.552563392857143,4.510714285714286,83.50261904761906,75.78571428571428,7.952380952380952,24.880952380952376,8.72156446121922,1.7980595238095232,1090,37,221,23,24,369,141,280,0.191,0.716,0.09300000000000001,-0.9861,0,0,2,0,0,1,42.0,0,1,2,3,13,12,1,1,10,1,26,8,0,2,4,53,48,19,1,1,11,0,4,1,0,4,7,0,0,0,14,17,1,1,11,2,0,2,9,5,0,0,6,4,22,7,33,30,6,33,0,2,0,1,8,7,0,7,21,143,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.1927080020814932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552084585521394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215788836256882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903987396655056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060189740966651424,0.0,0.16803745476495294,0.0,0.0,0.08732569741700259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082249170596952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883422275405931,0.0,0.1084590072826076,0.06367781264197085,0.10179449612256317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031601477603198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104320913674028,0.0,0.0,0.11450468067140515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745252122669732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26794239968431105,0.0,0.09434834740488544,0.3549572294776709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497746305022421,0.0,0.0,0.2163252070428504,0.18048940431582675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158650627258975,0.0,0.05611505529131485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844981364441652,0.0974832888634872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700495217927873,0.06618196998604986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054263797893570366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096624877453532,0.0697415377040829,0.048238377407294364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394347850974389,0.08911485945047108,0.0,0.06590835173136808,0.10010478892034036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845246578728997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992589164656254,0.0,0.0,0.09876467497693184,0.0,0.06325406235665865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052905692111116,0.06988723280993321,0.0,0.07885225847511232,0.0,0.0,0.1032223489622736,0.0,0.1080032970433204,0.0,0.09305935415098583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326729475395268,0.0,0.0783869072001009,0.17272468691727508,0.4539390177164678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703659017245417,0.0,0.0,0.10278969342347306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351207786165572,0.07920163178675982,0.0,0.08877727957223436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358400582308818
bpd,asdf_teld,2019/02/27,"Mayday Mayday So I’ve been mostly asymptomatic for a long while. But today I participated in a speaking competition and I lost. Public speaking is one of my biggest fears, and rejection is even worse, so I feel like throwing myself off a bridge. I feel like putting a bullet in my head. It’s so bad I can’t stop crying I can’t stop I can’t think I can’t breathe I can’t",1.1376923076923084,3.2517357820512838,3.4919871794871824,87.39259615384617,82.2051282051282,5.951282051282053,22.57051282051281,7.1686216300943375,0.8110974358974365,293,10,62,4,8,101,47,78,0.311,0.617,0.071,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,4,0,8,2,2,0,0,9,12,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,2,4,12,2,5,10,1,11,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093887324209486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643508489056136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895194024399442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708064770341909,0.2433672205427572,0.3438513833163498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469839177698928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351460950443811,0.0,0.0,0.2129742222525452,0.0,0.0,0.2627059760324635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307567966879938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24192715281607735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024007176578132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542035419205891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281150719049983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24525044627530695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lazorrarubia,2019/02/27,"Had a breakdown at work and they took my responsibilities away Title says it all. I’m on “modified desk duty” until further notice.

I wish I could function like a normal human being",2.906764705882356,5.79417467647059,5.4250000000000025,71.30750000000003,81.64705882352942,5.752941176470588,23.20588235294117,7.1686216300943375,1.4759058823529414,145,5,22,2,4,51,31,34,0.0,0.8390000000000001,0.161,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,16,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33783356284214944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870922401954369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567070936257806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523082122948488,0.0,0.4093797493180227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859493304332694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995022544081355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413494745352931,0.0,0.0,0.2617756681206473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meowmeowmeow1992,2019/02/27,"DAE get so enraged they start shaking and feel out of body? I was inching out of my driveway, there was a blind spot, and someone barreling way too quickly down the street honked.  I stopped, and they looked at me and gave me the finger.

At that moment, something snapped and I got so angry I was shaking and sweating.  They drove off, and then I just sat in my driveway screaming at the top of my lungs and beating my wheel and legs for about 20m.

I calmed down, actually i went from a 10/10 rage to feeling nothing at all.  I’m supposed to meet a friend shortly, but I’m so out of it i don’t even feel like a real person.

DAE ever fly off the handle like that? what do you do to cope?",2.604122919334188,3.853146352112677,3.5713060179257385,92.45058258642769,74.91549295774648,5.727016645326503,26.993597951344427,5.565023196281405,0.6883999999999997,530,20,117,2,11,170,88,142,0.124,0.784,0.092,-0.3519,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,2,10,9,2,2,8,0,6,6,5,0,2,21,19,14,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,4,12,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,8,7,18,4,22,11,1,27,0,0,2,0,8,16,0,0,8,79,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.24097098506628895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274286893185125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630969159813256,0.22336503343765196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745702291573991,0.1764089827677588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190779821340086,0.0,0.1290122994205236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749487587528164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412779790414621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736152625210025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369388709401107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561236878464735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810638116907101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922552747074216,0.19010108554555494,0.0,0.0,0.17478044660174485,0.0,0.0,0.20644704285432952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600391964635056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289093626167817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mewme-mow,2019/02/27,"Was this dissociation? most of the time i dissociate when i'm under very intense emotional stress, and it feels like seeing myself from above, maybe like moving through a dream, or i suddenly 'come to.' sometimes it's just emptiness, feeling alienated from my body, as if the identity i thought i had has separated from me and i just exist beside it, but it isn't scary, just odd in the moments i become aware of it.

but today in my class (ideal setting), i felt the second type, only it was much more intense, like reality was crumbling around me and of course that made me panic after a while. i really thought i would lose it and start screaming and crying or just faint, so i tried focusing on staying in control and i was scared that i wouldn't be able to. this was two hours after i had a great meeting with one of my tutors, went for a walk and just enjoyed being outside for once, and i even thought that things weren't so bad after all.  i also get panic attacks sometimes, but this felt like a combination of the two, so i'm just not sure. ",6.75077228596646,6.11015373300971,7.179655781112093,76.94332303618712,65.06796116504854,9.62683142100618,33.290379523389234,8.841846274778883,2.6543553398058264,823,30,159,11,11,270,120,206,0.151,0.682,0.16699999999999998,-0.0734,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,13,16,1,4,10,0,14,2,1,2,2,39,29,21,0,4,13,0,4,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,14,11,0,1,7,1,0,4,4,8,0,4,15,6,22,8,24,10,4,23,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,4,15,120,36,3,0.1299028248597791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038832421077674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564105512340138,0.0,0.1477832166586877,0.0,0.0,0.10846343271329624,0.0,0.1434674641110082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429275392362068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189978123450553,0.0,0.0,0.14569706394164164,0.0,0.0,0.1426921533417365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612319352503134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579959067716443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136554278453794,0.09280260403563788,0.2494541666973229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786886444786068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321832300516424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792811555548142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538558343254168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532803316235793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291719380122686,0.0,0.0,0.13050484769803314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806614474340548,0.0954935230825341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834226890609605,0.08802551603651794,0.09879695195133817,0.0,0.3048259516915215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321907595711026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005538941566114,0.0,0.10351573283781276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569544307859048,0.0,0.09194588804192187,0.1384591271796998,0.0,0.0,0.14880324698104574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243187509355727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630166466672652,0.0,0.0,0.30938499795696306,0.07574738182658229,0.0,0.12313268882844147,0.0,0.0,0.08819549103441693,0.0,0.2537923685386064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718343503370008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042122008572664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922792396862628,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fart_in_my_mouth_now,2019/02/27,"No one likes me What is it about me that most people seem as though they don’t like me or want to really engage with me. I try to be friendly, maybe overly kind bc in empathetic but there’s just something wrong with me that I can’t really see that makes people almost seem afraid of me. Am I too ugly? Too tall? Too stupid? Too weird? All? I don’t know but it’s universal and long standing. The people close to me say I’m one of the kindest, loving people they know, a “bright light” but at work people treat me like I’m an alien. I feel like an alien in this world too. Anyone understand?  ",0.2080487804878004,2.485070455284553,1.9023089430894304,96.02907317073168,88.34959349593494,4.906016260162602,13.891056910569105,6.42735559955562,-0.7175372357723577,458,7,103,5,15,149,77,123,0.11800000000000001,0.6509999999999999,0.231,0.9209999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,9,14,1,1,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,20,18,7,0,1,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,5,15,10,13,17,2,9,0,0,2,1,5,7,0,5,5,64,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402218828646606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453287268588483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282227695065902,0.1170188591355118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655158875148734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057264888074844,0.1800405562329968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200979156387267,0.0,0.0,0.1449579773267165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783602960814146,0.0,0.10933787135015027,0.0,0.16455926585220626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219904402133456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5677919945833788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986913951407865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026045289807073,0.0,0.0,0.13052751143282101,0.29823500739332937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610135720950846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093281468021262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120954900985812,0.0,0.0,0.17052173177482371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661357176360097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924845928271227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790897490937826,0.0,0.0
bpd,jumping_ham,2018/11/09,"I’m not sure if I have BPD Hey guys I was wondering if anyone could relay to me some of the things BPD people deal with in relationships and the kind of mood swings you may experience. 

I have always had really strange relationships and problems communicating, as well as emotional self regulation. I’m extremely smart so I have learned to curb a lot of the impulses and behaviors that are typical of the disorder and sadly enough it’s what makes me doubt that I’m BPD.

I’m seeing a therapist now about it and I plan on talking with him about it but I don’t want to be unprepared. I’m not trying to diagnose myself with anything, I just want to finally be able to understand myself and get out of this self destructive loop. If I could learn more in detail about the disorder, that would be great.",4.362884615384616,6.008025673076926,5.742820512820513,77.04384615384619,71.11538461538461,10.328205128205127,28.384615384615394,10.504223727775694,3.196484615384616,639,24,123,20,12,215,95,156,0.12300000000000001,0.792,0.085,-0.7211,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,7,10,1,1,7,0,14,1,0,1,1,34,26,13,0,9,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,9,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,1,14,5,23,17,4,6,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,8,2,87,23,2,0.1331583998535279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079845577514202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310744926459616,0.0,0.10957801724848312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031250295542478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126322941708632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728046328327065,0.0,0.135152972889034,0.0,0.0,0.3052221250697757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978527720458418,0.0,0.13758822253266778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025446615040245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458685183083756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956976801319179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680760592896167,0.0,0.13184775098879492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866398248080725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132065097660287,0.0,0.0,0.08888426589415037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231526825229283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741460522511527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853046806618678,0.0,0.0,0.28592457660536164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061100046071152,0.0,0.27782650363030514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550021599701805,0.0,0.0,0.10702767785172676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460716541271796,0.08846452403265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040581275361724,0.0,0.0,0.1386225903307161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570805484975757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972539314926076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144404604484107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945919067548122,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coughingcookieheart,2018/11/09,"Having BPD and ""entering the adult world"" Just wondering if any other people here were diagnosed young or just before they reached the standard for adulthood. I was diagnosed at 18 so basically fringe

It's nice I have an explanation for how I feel but it doesn't help when my BPD just gets worse with stress and all this comes",3.054055299539172,5.8954815483871,3.4707373271889423,85.95467741935484,80.29032258064517,7.4138248847926285,23.37327188940092,8.418075326091056,1.7241400921658991,264,9,50,6,7,82,52,62,0.163,0.79,0.047,-0.8637,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,15,9,8,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,4,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,2,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312157088368265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041138867458812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6042222010459783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662897637616331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869312116867042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128677704822018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532351568485176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078152510995244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629743492279234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747732146205636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26013156622280525,0.0,0.0,0.2444506382743821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittenkisser14,2018/11/09,i want to self inflict pain on myself TW So my husband and i got into a minuscule fight because he was being annoying on purpose after i already told him i was in a bad mood. then i lashed out on him after giving him fair warning and he called me a crazy fucking psycho and said i need therapy and that i need to take more meds and left. now i feel worthless like a piece of shit and i can’t stop crying in the bathroom holding my razor. why am i this way ,3.988075601374568,4.009331329896908,5.556237113402061,84.02170962199315,70.75257731958762,7.7037800687285225,29.56872852233677,7.1686216300943375,1.6364171821305842,357,13,75,3,6,122,69,97,0.273,0.6459999999999999,0.081,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,5,0,5,3,1,0,0,14,15,8,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,5,2,17,1,12,9,2,14,0,1,0,1,12,8,2,0,6,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379115379556233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001062109081087,0.1314231058270388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201439113114121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368180916394915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090099785477162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931166922147986,0.0,0.20681584335254669,0.0,0.0,0.17242891057475052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342417374886781,0.0,0.0,0.10532754049292234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394745178437487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197180166413819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940547880997814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050777111096129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224909857660409,0.0,0.22130246651231747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802448723440841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209862913334672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465486606502577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600774561346835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716196382336453,0.17112718587364195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194538577910496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway50499999999,2018/11/09,"Talking to SO with BPD about relationship issues? So my boyfriend of about a year now was diagnosed with BPD a few months into our relationship. Obviously the relationship has up and downs but I do love and care about him and I believe he feels the same way as well. 

Everything actually has still been going well to this day overall. However the primary issue we ever have and I have been having especially recently is trying to talk to him about small issues. For  the most part we have no big issues but there's small ones that I really want to sort out but its tough.

If he brings up an issue first and recognizes hey I did this I am sorry it all goes fine we can totally talk about it. However, even if I try to be really non confrontational in addressing things he does/has done that are difficult/hurtful quite often he gets really  defensive and tries to toss an unrelated issue back in my face and its near impossible to actually get back to the root of the problem. I understand this is quite common with people with BPD but I was hoping some of you with BPD from your perspective could maybe help me out with how to deal with these small issues without it turning into a big one.  

I want to be there for him I want to work a lot of things out. He is honestly super sweet to me most of the time. But its really tough when any criticism even if its just totally constructive leads to a retelling of anything iv done to annoy him in the last 3 weeks instead of any recognition of what I am trying to talk about.

​

I apologize for the long winded nature of this question I just wanted to explain the situation.

TL;DR 

Boyfriend gets really defensive over minor relationship issues and I want a better strategy to talk to him about things.",5.499347826086957,6.673255404761907,6.402629399585923,75.17860248447208,67.8690476190476,10.367287784679087,28.8944099378882,10.472087959537523,3.097931055900621,1400,48,258,38,23,464,172,336,0.063,0.787,0.15,0.9843,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,4,2,0,7,26,17,4,0,18,0,24,4,1,3,5,63,41,21,0,11,11,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,18,23,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,7,2,3,7,2,30,10,61,31,10,38,0,0,0,1,32,18,0,11,16,200,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.13131596841638454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290052713670626,0.08175556436413295,0.0915087723757004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536773921406223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034721312454764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758043023742775,0.0,0.05950587624846289,0.0,0.0,0.3389596578817158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859896136747498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371957673519179,0.0,0.0,0.04339162641612242,0.06936527125707774,0.0,0.06829028983027018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770665168412927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887887254111437,0.06086084527594592,0.0,0.0,0.06046914480949511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03402003797830682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723043382727595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545693933672264,0.0,0.038238177702666534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509802077003035,0.0,0.0,0.06682667316888231,0.0,0.0,0.0720272747181233,0.0,0.0,0.5618033374732145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484419237085485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954286787902894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572011491670464,0.060725055226715126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759428356829061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370422490660726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911846846637434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286035738373785,0.0,0.04664519240641676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438023621261071,0.0,0.0,0.07537176368482583,0.1431263756565347,0.0,0.0,0.2155143627902492,0.0,0.0664333211978973,0.288944768118552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562831426966868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753172156369903,0.0,0.0,0.05373186671874507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27039550015507796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409844837479146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039232948791209935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827215198693299,0.07318400571051728,0.0,0.07004342315488576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842471745709608,0.0534056922137064,0.05396993827914881,0.0,0.12099004000332204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485789921158415,0.0,0.04898243881980312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175556436413295,0.04332770414443373
bpd,KingMajoraa,2018/11/09,"I don’t know if it’s better or worse to be High Functioning at this point PROS; I’ve become exceptionally good at handling my bullshit quietly rather then being loud about it. I still have the occasional episode but it’s definitely improved since my early teen years.
I’ve managed to hold multiple jobs and atleast earn some respect before job hoping. Only in my most recent job swap did I have any “falling out” - I didn’t give them a full 2 weeks because I hated doing the call center thing and after doing it my junior and senior year of HS I just wanted to be done. 
I’ve managed to do....okay?....in school. I graduated just barely from HS and so far in my first semester of College I’ve managed to hold an A-B average and become close to 2/3 of my teachers.
CONS:
It’s so exhausting constantly having to “control” myself. My impulsivity, my spitting, all of it still exists and happens. Like I said in Pros, I’ve gotten better at controlling these however it makes it no less exhausting.
I’m a Young adult, and it’s horrifying to feel and recognize my BPD becoming worse. As I get older I realize the “core” of myself is more and more screwed as I lack a true sense of self. I feel my relationships deteriorate- despite my conscious efforts to control it, the creeping fear of knowing my BPD is becoming worse is terrifying.
I’m sorry for ranting and rambling. I just got home from class and sat down and I’m just really tired. ",3.826212073819207,5.736043460431657,5.5080857053487655,77.10055208007509,73.02877697841727,8.288020018767595,29.35314357209884,8.964715089967882,2.6327736628088823,1134,48,206,24,23,386,161,278,0.195,0.706,0.098,-0.9863,4,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,8,10,12,2,1,8,0,15,5,1,4,2,42,33,20,0,5,9,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,1,2,13,14,0,5,6,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,7,5,28,7,32,23,8,29,0,0,0,1,7,14,1,5,15,131,41,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106399404790413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637025981239519,0.4616508267123836,0.08892231698251045,0.0,0.0,0.1848445837815216,0.0,0.0,0.26322970448440025,0.0,0.10670680032597868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292802816513492,0.3516189390134953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694039950028196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175922321482516,0.10567729032465292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888816018999468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459725237100205,0.1002465013427108,0.0,0.08765014845199971,0.08357867915364928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240953880295084,0.0,0.0,0.10317271140463127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041062537346194,0.10482262604845033,0.10379267869133267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111021736279877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486159781975792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105371647688203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975496448276193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947741815124773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878684815104162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694576267151849,0.0,0.1031817391846798,0.11219454019909013,0.0,0.0,0.0994040045910086,0.0,0.0,0.10576019004500356,0.0,0.0,0.10901692047600788,0.0,0.0,0.08644397932517436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697987033979862,0.0,0.0,0.16690863433318792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942555771603726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010807138377355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163716362595431,0.0,0.08382408097201463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31948512896049064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458992529319558
bpd,hop3hop3,2018/11/09,"I learned about BPD after breaking up with my first gf TL;DR

What did you do when you got bpd diagnosed?
Did you suspect u had bpd?
Did you do therapy after getting diagnosed?
Have you told many people?

I just broke up with my first gf, and i learned about bpd and how jt explains most of my behaviour through life.
I met my girlfriend about 1 and a half years ago and she was the nicest person i had ever met, we clicked instantly and had a nice first date where i would have overshared a bit. By the second date we already had sex and it was the best i ever had and i felt love for her and loved.
We kept having a nice time and shared lots of stuff and beautiful moments, we even went through a period of long distance relationship with her taking a plane to meet with me for a week a couple of times. During that time i cheated with her on random gloryholes having unprotected sex, but i still loved her and felt bad after doing it.
My job got difficult and i quit to go back home, where my gf also was, i lived showering her attention, setting up nice dates and gifts, instead of looking for a job, more friends or other hobbies.
We then worked as voluntaries around switzerland and france and we had a nice time, but a few weeks after returning she said she wasnt in love anymore with me, i felt devastated and started planning how to make her love me again.

We settled to have some space and i got a job and went to live to another town with a friend, i came back after 3 weeks and we had a nice time at a cinema festival where she was also volunteering, after it i went home and waited for her because she went to a volunteer only party, there she got extremely drunk, and got seduced by a cinema director she liked and  cheated on me. She didnt tell me straight away she did it over a message after i was out of town again and it destroyed me, at first i was relieved because i thought she was planning on leaving without explanation, if it was only infidelity i would be able to forgive. Especially when i cheated before and didnt have the guts to say anything. 
But the next day after she told me i bought some beer and got extremely drunk at morning watching one of her fav movies which i had not seen yet, i cried i laughed i thought about her, i went from loving her to hating her as i imagined cheating on me.
I ended having my first panic or anxiety attack ever or the strongest yet, and i was really scared and started to suspect something was wrong.
I sent her a gift and a love letter, wrote many nice things to her and we met to discuss the cheating, she explained everything again face to face, i gifted her another book and even though it was kinda awkward we had a good time, next day she came to sleep to my house, we talked about relationship and cried a bit we had a nice time watching movies we had sex but i could feel something was off.
We ended up arguing and she said that she had not been in love for a long time now and to leave her alone, i cracked and cudnt stop crying unable to think anything to say or do, she tried to calm me down and we agreed to keep on talking.
Its been almost a week and ive been doing research about bpd, i have read i hate you dont leave me and its been real hard since it has described perfectly some of my previous acts, sex with strangers, binge eating, anorexia episode, gambling, drinking, and some other impulsive behaviour.

In the past ive been emotionally abused by my parents, i discovered sex at a young age with my cousin and i never knew how to feel about it. Ive been bullied and ridiculized many times, lots of erratic relationships with me being clingy and needy.
Not having any place where i fit and often changing to match other people needs.
I have often felt as if noone else but me had feelings at all. I cry a lot for little things or out of things that happened long time ago even at work just to be alright after a while.
I have selfharmed a couple of times and dissociated a bit, i always thought that it wasnt too severe to be serious.
Ive been jumping from FP to FP for as long as i can remember and that makes me feel really empty because i never quite know who am i or what do i even like.
Im not here to look for a diagnosis im already contacting therapists, what i wanted to ask is how did u start to realize you had bpd or how did u get bpd diagnosed.
And what was the process that followed? Did you tell many people or kept it secret?

I cant really take this anymore, these days im going through really hard emotional ups and downs maybe because im alone a lot of time but defo need to change or ill go insane, and im at a loss of what to do.
Thanks for reading and sorry for venting out like this.",5.150689655172414,5.422494993630574,5.788511604070577,82.48949044585991,68.27813163481953,8.78954535471118,30.254118163848013,8.641336200584522,2.163743334065452,3692,132,750,54,58,1201,366,942,0.13699999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.149,0.9570000000000001,6,2,4,0,1,0,72.0,15,8,0,14,46,51,11,3,42,1,80,28,4,7,7,170,155,82,0,8,24,2,10,3,6,2,5,4,3,1,36,79,5,5,26,9,3,14,13,20,0,8,79,20,131,31,123,69,16,132,0,2,6,14,102,40,0,25,79,540,167,12,0.03988657281166382,0.047259066481168656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071408035889908,0.0,0.03994064106737588,0.08262092054382669,0.08803164988027116,0.06379455573373143,0.0331888238260324,0.0,0.0,0.02712423728079374,0.08364909873475887,0.0305131190265721,0.0,0.07911352477466996,0.0,0.0,0.06564650173548295,0.035507506246889343,0.037288561287361036,0.04537673478587862,0.03747474814224508,0.06134062488192685,0.03330362223447991,0.0972579382888248,0.0,0.033940535677824096,0.0,0.04185849735985465,0.0,0.13063742093564995,0.0,0.3516501951243104,0.0,0.0,0.0912392267846067,0.0,0.0,0.08438941052784824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0318461827901447,0.08826746832273252,0.17525410921777393,0.07717061918905152,0.0,0.0,0.12145209539423113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674676627557644,0.03907365637856816,0.0,0.040813921680150834,0.03332011345091045,0.0897340516543855,0.07065532909819948,0.0,0.0,0.10537882065150622,0.10823906597261662,0.0,0.0,0.035847479742061594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067139868397966,0.0,0.15318945979636514,0.0,0.0,0.16963749228768038,0.0,0.0,0.06163253442273925,0.0,0.041678176073024,0.0,0.06800537554589911,0.03345496486879426,0.1914056159115453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03527156460992471,0.0,0.07146106943584428,0.07875946581768603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001896936492083,0.0,0.0,0.046023749750883663,0.0,0.0,0.21542171603427931,0.0,0.11874380674927892,0.03545301859232474,0.0,0.0,0.02192061729329511,0.0,0.0,0.12670236432326487,0.0,0.0,0.028173065962975183,0.05845969418149355,0.03997682453594326,0.0704411490971772,0.14119344712429788,0.06698935094347414,0.0,0.0,0.13564055138853948,0.28799351390640804,0.0,0.05324919415219884,0.16175489754349648,0.04007142350908495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915077667783952,0.06152596776314274,0.0,0.0848396453770144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027028174009801318,0.06067107196215599,0.0,0.046798299152280905,0.04428931884970327,0.0,0.03807624700852123,0.08295698219917746,0.034827416882311404,0.0416729791639167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484855984099644,0.0797947333694654,0.04539965214175985,0.10220943958888146,0.0,0.0,0.12846975619966966,0.04518371157293772,0.0,0.0758825293543193,0.06343880725928533,0.03993341765336175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506047401560951,0.0,0.032994585206278744,0.0,0.03991537841752807,0.0,0.0,0.0614132648641112,0.0,0.04464975270084422,0.08469576459347775,0.0,0.031853468570981265,0.033346960873054075,0.0,0.0,0.04566058309041795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059979477618275025,0.06411863269898098,0.06972524541851141,0.036722197314917084,0.04561377215942685,0.04631138529167257,0.07949659990564971,0.02555770530849298,0.03918835527226815,0.0949964503171302,0.27909817638963513,0.0,0.0,0.07622665924614172,0.0,0.027080364715716898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023526134069786386,0.0,0.12797841115413355,0.0,0.0,0.18487626301442764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844923283477388,0.0,0.05807580010736139,0.0,0.0,0.056668553847449524,0.043609705870455005,0.0,0.02568564515805321
bpd,jammyjog,2018/11/09,Not being able to recall feelings Like... I have somewhat of an understanding of how i felt but for the most part everything just lumps together in my head and i have a hard time seperating all that mess in my head it makes it really hard to recall or understand anything really unless i write down how i felt on the date is this normal or what,4.348529411764705,5.7160015000000035,5.505176470588236,79.81629411764708,70.76470588235293,9.55764705882353,25.364705882352943,9.888512548439397,2.3680376470588254,274,8,53,7,5,91,50,68,0.099,0.9009999999999999,0.0,-0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,4,3,2,3,1,20,10,7,0,1,6,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,7,1,10,7,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,3,42,12,0,0.2063060962924248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697723388300359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854146166537493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043145610900598,0.14738511641321544,0.3961724111138934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696194792619477,0.0,0.4234591482124983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079073772503627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771092126828566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213617143479728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340939790237666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643299361088797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029874381779113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295438440313516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AshamedWillingness,2018/11/09,"How do you know if a therapist is a good match for you or not? I’ve started seeing a DBT therapist and I can’t tell if I like her or if she’s a good match. She explains things visually so it helps stick to my mind. Shs has lots of energy and talks to me more like she’s talking to a friend.

I’ve only seen her 3 times so far and I can’t tell if I like her or if she’s a good match yet. How do you know if a therapist is a good match for you or not?",-0.3871443406022834,0.5590406074766392,2.5008722741433007,98.30796469366564,82.17757009345793,6.6247144340602295,18.430944963655246,7.3871296695380915,-0.09886002076843203,343,7,97,5,9,122,52,107,0.0,0.736,0.264,0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,0,5,8,0,0,8,0,7,0,0,2,0,22,13,17,0,6,12,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,17,8,6,12,2,4,0,0,2,0,18,1,0,11,6,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258805143851021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5466370287528629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920958613909376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908584200625588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880038175574675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385185806505517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451442288858642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391678872894064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983535365041152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532379246474656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619164225977136,0.2848187192403179,0.0,0.0,0.5675282761292579,0.10824448463480944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500669934835837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crybaby4ever,2018/11/09,"Do you have any tics? Is this a BPD thing or a me thing? I read on another thread that tics are often used to ease anxiety, which makes sense. 

​

At work or around people, I often cluck my tongue or scrunch up my nose when I think something awful/embarrassing about myself (which is VERY frequent). Sometimes I'll find myself whispering ""i am pathetic"" over and over and over again and not even realize that I am doing it, or I'll remember a very minor event (for example, a pharmacist saying something I perceive to be disapproving or snippy) and I'll whisper ""I should fucking die."" 

​

One of the only other girls I know in person who has shared with me that she has BPD has a tic where she will blink kind of strangely. 

​

Does anyone else do weird things like this? ",5.789200000000001,6.843686853333337,5.757333333333335,80.50200000000005,67.13333333333333,8.666666666666668,29.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.3182666666666667,628,22,115,10,10,197,102,150,0.07,0.88,0.051,-0.4084,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,1,8,5,1,0,6,0,15,2,1,2,0,23,20,10,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,2,13,6,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,17,3,15,17,0,13,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,7,5,83,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384059130468176,0.4307097931094952,0.08034870923707843,0.12389467476274275,0.09038741636132236,0.0,0.0,0.08261595981931004,0.12106264172010965,0.0,0.10518202836933632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976214223749071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262510260138107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339728127927783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870242911159656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803954202123775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799053154407548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923138421185044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303911336314464,0.06493429794773939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772403135556967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788686511947251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006414603445526,0.08986137139496514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819130429721727,0.1031674352198952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818588231222248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384534524761202,0.0,0.0,0.09396073014065257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192130199952875,0.11685723638421065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23548861945984595,0.07570825352029753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204704064588876,0.0,0.19497869666455805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601745236613924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307097931094952,0.0
bpd,Psychotically_Calm,2018/11/09,"Letting off steam and just needed to tell someone Hello, It's the first time I've really typed any of my thoughts/feelings out. I'm not sure where this post will end up. I think I just need to let off steam and actually tell someone.  


I will fall for somebody so fast it's on the verge of ridiculous, pretty much any form of affection/attention that is aimed towards me and suddenly they are my soulmate and my head is going a thousand thoughts a second about wanting to be with them and getting way, way too attached. Then of course once the honeymoon period has worn off the impending doom hits like a truck and I'm starting to push the person away which of course then ends up with the person wanting to end it ''We went far too fast into this etc'' Which it totally right, I never let myself to get to know the person it's just jump in headfirst and to hell with it all it won't end up like the last one and yet it always does.  


Then comes the phase that I dread but I know it comes eventually, The desperate & angry phase where I would do literally anything to cling onto the person & the relationship because I don't want them to abandon me and when they refuse or just want to stay friends I become very angry & spiteful. Throwing things that they have said to me back in their faces and as soon as I've said it I instantly regret it and then I feel like crap and try to make it up to the person which just makes it worse.  


Then I spiral out of control into this depressive state where I just wish I couldn't feel anything anymore and begin to hate myself for being the way I am.   


I apologise for the wall of text.",4.874889663182344,5.3940594390243914,5.2874041811846695,84.97373983739841,68.9390243902439,8.198838559814169,27.81416957026713,8.11559375814309,1.6201937862950049,1288,40,265,16,21,411,172,328,0.16399999999999998,0.772,0.064,-0.987,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,6,2,18,15,5,1,18,0,18,3,3,3,4,57,48,24,0,10,9,0,2,3,1,4,0,2,0,5,23,23,0,3,6,0,0,8,5,10,0,4,5,4,31,5,48,32,5,61,2,4,0,0,20,24,2,1,26,185,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.08858042027092122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552961165203922,0.295054413090042,0.0,0.1234562043484762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002147581331063,0.0,0.0,0.1493953147718006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528332274678622,0.06979809830126196,0.0,0.055333795101764414,0.10025059026697064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563841556553074,0.0,0.0,0.1018085651044376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818182791541439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794352268250299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215883513020533,0.0,0.1012348228252638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376912175157116,0.06484756589609783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772106536903812,0.0,0.0,0.07013025551133148,0.0,0.09484929232989757,0.0,0.051587844070207535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961860019977433,0.09315830419750977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977188224651118,0.07399133050178866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784616929143794,0.0,0.1330399059023549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118208756602444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667278962168683,0.1346126399299944,0.07000899573941892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666926367344884,0.061509485763180126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962932349987893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693452580521974,0.09234780121099316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815089531182445,0.0,0.0,0.09745520405358296,0.0,0.07751882903862369,0.17268999960193435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382171550375806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424891947411372,0.09675092059112664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855515766008397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867753363023782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030491217972014,0.058163060155015565,0.0,0.07206286307287148,0.05292990843845143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061628258991490735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748964421693257,0.21415881192764752,0.21615186872700187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841465935783316,0.0,0.0,0.10438337009905428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250446703163898,0.06448185520848891,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ReverieDreams,2018/11/09,"Waning confidence, feeling pretentious and not knowing how to be happy? (TW Self Harm) I'm often depressed or sorrowful and melancholy. Sometimes I tap into this confidence though and happiness and joy but at the same time it feels fake and then I can get pretty self destructive and feel depersonalized. It's like I don't know how to be happy. I feel very outside of myself when I'm in a good mood and also have this weird persona who is wild, mysterious, angsty and ""cool"". I don't really let this persona thing out around other people and when I have it led me into a breakdown. Often when I get into this mode I end up cutting because I just don't care about anything or really feel anything. It's like this ghostly version of myself that only I can see. I feel like two different people.",5.64490196078431,6.514968424836602,6.495954248366015,75.74079411764707,67.36601307189542,8.995816993464052,30.98627450980392,9.120678840339163,2.7364933333333346,631,24,111,11,10,209,93,153,0.136,0.657,0.207,0.9041,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,12,18,2,0,3,1,11,0,0,3,0,33,25,20,1,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,14,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,0,8,14,10,13,22,2,15,0,2,1,0,3,8,0,4,9,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447000868465824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355861103616037,0.12742606329658468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725757952639117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594204777738878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328735186700347,0.0,0.0,0.14955214381363968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678066399969906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43425911200801504,0.10226014008013017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957079400169426,0.0,0.0,0.12006009212008405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571295780596609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573333788801536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637162978997864,0.0,0.20979475830473396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886537345605084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847224398328647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562611498878844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339990462864803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406504645523766,0.0,0.2986550906337631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157035979446328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509668839226568,0.0,0.1406355547666927,0.0,0.08346681600997778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982820540283306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181065250777514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notsleepingthinking,2018/11/09,"Thinking out loud Tonight I had a few beers for the first time in ages. In years past I used to drink heavily but not so much anymore. I miss it some days, although it used to make me so anxious the next day. Drinking was a way to get rid of all the tension inside me. I would be normal and be normal and be normal and it was like this tension would build up and all the feelings I kept inside would be pushing against the walls and my head would get so full.... 

Then I would get drunk and spill my guts to people, friends, strangers. I would laugh or cry. I would drunk text and drunk Facebook and drunk email and tell people I loved them and listen to sad songs and feel awful and feel wonderful.

Then the next day I would be hungover and so anxious and worried about who I had offended and bridges I'd burned.

Looking back now I wonder how much of it was my mental illness/disorder. How much was it about needing to find some way to process all the intense feelings inside of me.

I don't have as many regrets these days, but I also don't have anywhere for all those feelings to go....

Anyway I am just thinking about the past. Lots of regrets, lots of good times too...",4.2326436170212745,5.053610187234042,4.1976994680851085,91.1271875,70.53191489361703,6.5558510638297856,28.730053191489358,5.985473137389443,1.0319414893617016,914,33,194,4,16,280,121,235,0.192,0.705,0.10300000000000001,-0.968,0,0,3,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,16,12,1,2,10,1,24,10,2,5,4,59,46,29,0,14,5,0,5,1,1,8,0,3,0,0,9,16,7,1,10,8,0,2,3,7,0,1,7,9,22,5,24,26,13,28,0,4,1,1,7,6,0,7,19,137,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542428882346516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309995297160053,0.09353590245777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252300693207869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360144685631256,0.2433034816615467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809404589087326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847871004156973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384444410714879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862029069684846,0.08022494751431647,0.0,0.0,0.07286813151619613,0.0,0.14782829444981202,0.0,0.05360182675703375,0.07910759480400655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679519221191367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607792214412016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920149447777224,0.0,0.0,0.16036779324562075,0.08512366659791701,0.0,0.06295651020935952,0.0956213894007871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504811490800837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799883367931835,0.06993394989539342,0.0,0.0,0.2006117871031065,0.0,0.2772282943882905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007015292471432,0.13077336173595433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243614189716987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208674768360226,0.0,0.0,0.1099925702854486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291708958977374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497269396119225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456286306754576,0.0,0.0957822447011452,0.0,0.5359937472329656,0.0,0.0,0.060736264928440725
bpd,pineapplesaviour,2018/11/09,I keep splitting I've split on my fp like 4 times this week and I can't stop hhhhh it's so hard.,-2.71125,-1.1246796250000006,0.8049999999999997,103.54,95.25,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-1.1882333333333333,75,1,22,1,3,27,22,24,0.08800000000000001,0.706,0.20600000000000002,0.3657,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778991766238876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741873730091401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26063458920666205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44601865798968665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110803074243117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279307446630238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helloooo1264,2018/11/09,"I feel like I'm not getting a diagnosis because I'm ""quiet"". At first when I went to my psychologist I said I hate the DSM and all it does is stereotype people. But now after learning about the difference between mood disorders and personality disorders, and 6 months of therapy, I desperately want a diagnosis other than fucking depression and adhd. I have a family history of BPD which makes me more likely to have it. 

​

I literally have very little friendships, and no romantic relationships. I'm skeptical of EVERYONE. Impulsive sexual behavior/spending, substance abuse, and being very numb most the time. I tend to give off a don't fuck with me vibe, always think people dislike me/ don't have my best interest in mind (including psychologists/psychiatrists), and tent to give off a look/glare to people. But I rarely get ""angry"". And I don't self harm, although I have had suicidal thoughts I don't think I would ever act on though.

​

I'm tired of going to therapy every time and feeling like I'm crazy, having my psychologist tell me ""well there's so many disorders that you could match symptoms of a diagnosis doesn't matter I just want to help you"". Bullshit. I feel like I'm more and more crazy every time I go in. My psychologist literally fucking told me I have emotional dysregulation when I requested to go to another therapist, he literally insisted I go to another clinic for DBT specifically. When I asked if I have BPD he says he hasn't diagnosed me with that. Fucking seriously? How the fuck do i get an actual diagnosis that isn't bullshit? ",4.913298969072166,7.278127505154643,6.669874914089347,67.97503917525773,71.19931271477662,10.704109965635741,32.60219931271477,10.70791436637684,4.367221745704469,1268,61,209,44,25,437,157,291,0.16399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.127,-0.935,0,0,0,0,1,0,47.0,0,2,0,2,12,19,7,0,11,0,21,10,0,2,2,35,56,20,1,5,5,0,3,4,0,1,5,3,0,2,7,12,0,0,7,0,0,6,9,11,1,1,5,6,34,7,28,48,6,24,0,1,0,5,17,7,5,2,15,135,41,1,0.0,0.09992936730220668,0.08230388686379482,0.0,0.10136055263996063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017781800157569,0.18276518263933686,0.2049651935269657,0.0,0.17687614534864093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884671904258489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141301427416064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885098557555749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244710502554912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733880150759353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264210645958387,0.08560354625363335,0.0,0.08811757725065539,0.2899835912876481,0.0,0.07380669341612221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487139373414608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629055604484095,0.1421205430075387,0.08059069293151512,0.0,0.0,0.07950845175090747,0.0,0.12793484557751053,0.18075800647302825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173974662320359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898558640128591,0.13219284918419313,0.1618136451652694,0.19172995878391727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326850458797419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056531470528675264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481748194116205,0.08453105573340039,0.0,0.0,0.07082454176739075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056297750645391165,0.08550774366224399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515957781602594,0.0,0.06731955761550316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541266389101193,0.07364262548872733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054983103695216,0.0,0.0,0.08022686134405356,0.06707072678163335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798524163256402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225450987770824,0.0,0.0,0.08766178013394599,0.0,0.0,0.07371706826286246,0.0,0.1929007799582679,0.09792549399869396,0.0,0.10808361278958536,0.08286383628699667,0.06695671245734393,0.14753837865655522,0.09693667401885822,0.0,0.08059069293151512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917902588295827,0.09949209189722047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758319851284511,0.07818422735704979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991287125998501,0.0,0.2049651935269657,0.0
bpd,Radiant0,2018/11/09,"Having a crush as a coping mechanism Of my inability to accept myself and desperation to find the idealised version of someone I don't know very well accept me, so I can feel worthy. 

He only stays perfect untill I don't know if he likes me. I may feel ecstatic when overthinking little things that mean nothing and fantasize how much great it could be, but the knowing that he doesn't want anything would destroy me, since I think me daydreaming about him is what keeps me alive these days. 

The shitty thing is that is very much connected to my unfulfilled need to feel accepted, it would be a comfirmation that I am not disgusting and since I'd idealise the person (it's easy to do this since I don't really know them) I'd think about how nice it would be to him just being here and me not being afraid anymore, to actually feel content with myself and able to show it to another human being.

These crushes tend to stay crushes, I just get a comfirmation that -nope. I'm 22 with almost no experience with guys. Had a ""boyfriend""at 15, but as soon as the exciting phase of getting to know if he really likes me back was over, everything crashed, I was too nervous and it was not excited to see him nervous anymore, i became repulsed by the thought of being around him and the fact that he can't be right in the head if he wants to be around me. I seriously considered he lost a bet, is desperate or just wrong for me. I couldn't force it.
Noting much happened over the next years, I still had crushes but there was/is shame and a constant need to feel like a normal human being, and in order to do that I need to be accepted by someone. I crave connection (also from friendships) but I can't stand it when it comes to dating. It actually felt nice when I slept over (just slept) 2 guys (different periods at the time ofc). Didn't really felt much and there were other isuess around them but god it felt so good and safe when they hugged me, I think that's what i'm missing my whole life and I can't imagine how good it could feel to be genuinely hugged by someone who you care about and cares about you. I would need do more drugs, I would feel safe for the first time in forever. 

But I'm also quite a shitty person because I'm not living up to my potenial. And there's so much wrong with me looks-wise. 

It's pathetic how the little things keep me alive, I'd organize my day around it and actually be okay for a while, but when I see things as they are, I start falling apart again. 

I don't know if it even makes sense to keep on hoping, but without this I'm nothing, I have no idea who the hell I am, I don't exist. 
",4.495252497974615,5.171932886578453,5.316669727248179,83.86488846880908,69.85066162570888,8.692217121253037,27.590656224682693,8.841846274778883,1.8986870213340528,2063,66,429,35,35,673,226,529,0.152,0.679,0.168,0.8637,1,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,4,4,37,36,3,4,23,1,51,7,3,5,2,105,102,48,0,20,22,0,10,3,0,6,2,0,0,6,36,24,0,5,28,1,1,2,19,12,1,1,14,12,56,24,58,66,8,45,1,2,2,2,25,17,1,9,25,297,92,0,0.06942897142040128,0.0,0.2032579825703374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952308588338882,0.0,0.0,0.11104464672179684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280233015782686,0.0,0.0,0.13770976705578342,0.0,0.0,0.057134127747237334,0.24722601744355435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533865934276443,0.0,0.042323256561462234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157492712296565,0.0,0.0,0.05980691121741054,0.0,0.07502805301148266,0.0,0.11086676838473657,0.0,0.0,0.08955188570132143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253849793102493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051556460808275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045857180822950636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239828270673599,0.06791485642425524,0.0,0.0,0.24573761840132194,0.04960007105529912,0.199988101440713,0.0,0.06345682206637686,0.059056247622386836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254754398408114,0.0,0.0,0.11646745438438964,0.0,0.07654568609679313,0.0,0.13749119462706882,0.061395810134361566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125415493607143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895863432300099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837685781018648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513497960098066,0.0,0.0,0.2289380818091282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049039735772848696,0.1017584653296014,0.13917213801697007,0.06130705376193656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578992384552273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634437754791642,0.0,0.0,0.07562850367723857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551914129691685,0.20592281030770013,0.0,0.0,0.07383849876010448,0.0,0.06802565082557466,0.13323794117517826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528038613544888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212453996880528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384625728661362,0.0,0.0,0.13343393076698262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929196223956785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065180244565496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229708785445022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648082653693356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914218332031479,0.14800409143110965,0.055446066261390994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845020942738381,0.13346184440159564,0.0,0.05511884801643418,0.08096918313646821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457234522386897,0.0819020123727493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242498339120815,0.0,0.0,0.07751496713936726,0.0,0.06692705087064399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466017464127375,0.151819362211362,0.0,0.04470998127649502
bpd,Pudge_Queen,2018/11/09,"Just a thought Awhile an ex and I broke up because another ex had came into my life again and I left ex 1 and then proceeded to move in with ex 2 even though we had a terrible past and he was awful for me, but I lived him, I still do, but us together is toxic. While leaving ex1 he accused me of having BPD and I was offended and hurt, I was angry at him for saying I have it. 
I already have anxiety and depression and recently I've felt there was more to it than just that. 
After he told me I had that I googled it. And yes I know google is such a stupid thing, but I saw the symptoms and it hit me hard. 
I started watching a show where the character has BPD and she reminded me a lot of me. 
I recently had a break down the other day and were discussing getting me a therapist and I want to be better. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD, I have been doing research and regardless if I have it or not, this group makes me not feel so alone because I can relate, all this time I've felt broken and alone, but reading your stories and posts, I don't feel that way anymore. ",3.4011209439528045,3.829581530973456,4.905469026548673,86.72817404129795,72.18584070796459,8.504542772861356,28.34100294985251,8.648137234880735,1.8732617109144551,830,30,186,14,15,280,130,226,0.19399999999999998,0.767,0.039,-0.988,0,2,0,0,1,0,18.0,2,1,0,1,10,7,2,0,11,2,25,3,0,1,1,42,39,26,0,3,10,4,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,12,21,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,6,0,0,17,8,35,1,16,20,3,24,0,3,2,0,17,7,0,3,12,138,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710336197116085,0.1443916175176145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720325231470346,0.10009669517148603,0.0,0.12976389543159694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952479642323486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572249588748612,0.0,0.0,0.4943871944443528,0.0,0.0,0.14965276186920926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843847301487434,0.0,0.11269731417541225,0.13280575436014713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642243094764268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231915747609638,0.0,0.25126501567027776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836154117925453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721215516707675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140073157944131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190944148538145,0.0,0.0,0.1385468321361267,0.1421643677173633,0.0,0.09242027317123157,0.0,0.0,0.11553925743495945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124043819813502,0.0,0.0,0.08734060176769012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390684007478593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490714196628384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253141277019144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088123006071267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25838892639831684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040538488829261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261334579230757,0.0,0.10449364192914556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599890832499156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192208349703298,0.08692814961542515,0.0,0.12855535510952315,0.10387696651055037,0.07629725064777987,0.0,0.0,0.12502878954880411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739141243075702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717625551475696,0.10385932259469301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NicoleMary27,2018/11/09,um excuse me heart can u not right now,-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,89.0,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.276866666666667,30,0,8,0,1,10,9,9,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8112774540960561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5846613485389823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,johnnynodick,2018/11/09,"I’m gonna go on my first real date soon, he likes me a lot but I feel like a catfish because IRL I’m kinda chubby and I think I look weird and I’m terrified he’ll hate me. So we’ve met a few times very briefly because he’s my dad’s friend’s kid, but we only started *talking* talking like a few months ago and then in the last month started like, taking it seriously. Every time we’ve tried to hang out it never worked out for various reasons, but we’re gonna finally hang out soon and I’m worried... we Snapchat each other a lot so he knows what I look like of course lmao but in my pictures it’s not evident that I’m like, chubby and gross. We haven’t spent a lot of time together irl since we weren’t close until recently. And I’m absolutely terrified he’ll drop me because I’m a lot uglier IRL than in pictures. In person I can’t put on a filter or change the angle to hide my double chin or put my hand over my acne scars. I genuinely fear he’ll be disappointed when he sees how I look since the last time he saw me in person, and move on to someone else. Fuck

I haven’t felt romantic interest in anyone in so long... my last one was super emotionally manipulative, she’s the reason I have severe anxiety to this day. Needless to say I am so so scared of losing him, I haven’t wanted to spend time around anyone, even my close friends, in a hot minute since my last crush who was also my best friend before things went down.",2.943987398739875,3.88207459735974,4.618987398739872,86.47746399639965,73.65346534653466,7.621302130213023,24.663816381638163,8.00094639256281,1.1965128712871291,1125,33,247,16,22,381,159,303,0.184,0.657,0.159,-0.8283,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,4,0,0,5,12,21,2,2,13,0,10,2,1,4,1,41,41,23,0,1,7,1,4,6,3,5,0,1,0,3,9,18,0,0,6,0,2,7,7,9,0,2,8,10,31,12,29,27,10,53,0,2,5,1,26,19,1,7,32,131,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829548964051465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483758164208451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159005999937748,0.0,0.0,0.13086957805558933,0.0,0.0,0.08330792078087502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114036174364808,0.0,0.07963148518086477,0.0,0.09820865362423843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899746659362506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060352720776946416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817584688931496,0.1052672808756514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181010278345581,0.0,0.07884696603540063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530589405964376,0.047317927962317284,0.06685507994552475,0.0898535037383725,0.1025146301041991,0.0,0.07960089717765764,0.0,0.0,0.21690392418070434,0.08651515514373778,0.0,0.0,0.053184871195582184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923929618354799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143028170551092,0.3051276480538179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27431695923014576,0.0,0.0,0.0828172248004613,0.2357562159994023,0.10469444663065944,0.0,0.31824066244417243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493926989160523,0.0994629756407063,0.0,0.0,0.07217629439729517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341366142708182,0.07117341360964839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342458219736491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815174144734031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651693187933607,0.0,0.19243599567910355,0.09240104636990888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442025205660187,0.093692020251839,0.0,0.0745728276313662,0.0,0.0,0.10572115015736812,0.0,0.2322362717998511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929182032706282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324758019364279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036210224337097,0.15043551457327936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217179733997765,0.05996363907891754,0.0,0.0,0.2728424121447951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353611156941741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077215043613024,0.05519715464494803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675155594639612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812889253598099,0.09503717793695668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sommefeils,2018/11/09,"Have you ever cried at work? I work in a corporate/office-y environment and I cried today in a meeting in front of my whole department. The CFO dropped a bomb on us at the end of what was probably a pretense of a meeting that my boss was fired. (HR let him go while we were all in the meeting) I was shocked and when he said 'X (my boss) won't be in his office when we get back' I couldn't hold back my emotions and the pain in my chest.

He was the best boss ever and at that moment, even though I had his contact information, it felt like I was NEVER going to see him again. I just kept thinking 'he didn't even get to say goodbye, I didn't even get to say goodbye to him'. And how we will never have his calm, leveling presence in the office again. My heart still aches that he's gone (not in a romantic way). I was just so attached to him as a person, a mentor, and comfort of a human being, it HURTS. It won't stop hurting. 

Please tell me stories to alleviate the shame and embarrassment I'm going to feel for the next restofmytimehere and what do I do about the pain. My boss is actually FINE, he saw it coming and he'll have no problem getting another job. But I just keep turning it over and over in my mind: it isn't fair, it'll never be the same again (and it really won't cuz he actually cared about us), he didn't even get to say goodbye, I didn't get to say goodbye, it is so cruel to let someone go like that.

I might get to see him again tomorrow and hopefully that will make the noise in my head stop, I need to see him to make sure he's OK.",3.9205287009063454,3.728125305135953,5.373865558912388,86.01197658610273,70.87311178247734,8.553534743202418,27.72824773413897,8.238735603445708,1.5408004833836857,1200,37,277,16,20,407,150,331,0.141,0.7609999999999999,0.098,-0.9401,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,5,1,0,3,24,19,1,2,20,1,33,5,3,8,7,52,64,22,0,4,5,0,3,2,0,8,2,5,0,2,16,16,0,5,4,0,0,8,14,9,0,0,17,12,39,10,37,33,4,49,0,2,4,0,37,17,0,2,24,190,55,8,0.0,0.0,0.17991623644657384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666278106940604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176734676899555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674123995094837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398755613822264,0.0,0.0,0.07940820510707845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025192123653104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369439863354242,0.0816475097916161,0.0,0.0,0.2435461953341059,0.16677109967745854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046610913132958884,0.0,0.08851093101068605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371357168264823,0.0,0.2095607747878642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460720232359944,0.0,0.0,0.1092382797513774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155934099854976,0.0,0.0,0.1973693884310768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147822486049,0.08193722171008748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852841907375487,0.0,0.09007272372363323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306684170686608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977924735709741,0.09307938738904467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683531402319754,0.21329355277921425,0.0,0.09803854663262114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961801843737864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049136270989869,0.0,0.10119016060391517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938975778673226,0.08820747347486421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905532056917032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768793009029048,0.2932331193120401,0.0,0.0,0.22037572694895974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781070581189057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361812393319968,0.15413961546307228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688216671933484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057272863478633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059067674613084376,0.09057014273793487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737948995077993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026953335766564,0.0,0.0,0.22177158901602007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317123167722284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291995162725323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422184903650994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DamuBob,2018/11/09,"Emerging Research in Regards to BPD Co-morbidity with Chronic Pain, Immune Issues, Gynaecological Issues etc This is a bit of a follow up to a post I posted a while back about experiencing co-morbidity of chronic pain and hypermobility. Have also been struggling with gynaecological issues. I came across some emerging research connecting chronic pain, immune issues, psychiatric conditions, and gynaecological issues (like ovarian cysts).  Possibility of an issue with a single gene cluster. Thought I'd share. https://holisticprimarycare.net/topics/topics-a-g/functional-medicine/1887-joint-hypermobility-a-red-flag-for-gene-based-chronic-disease-cluster.html",17.442010582010578,22.94640907407408,13.396931216931215,19.623333333333328,44.679012345679006,11.048324514991183,41.2010582010582,10.914260884657429,6.1512243386243375,569,24,46,13,7,168,54,81,0.152,0.768,0.079,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,0,3,9,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,1,2,2,12,3,4,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,32,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085603282139036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697648968977854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768752795124078,0.0,0.15884044028161512,0.0,0.0,0.14424469839706075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065422971249136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7898027455562273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161458729807811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025933910916095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217840999921072,0.24157119894721404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318452811451109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012312180253044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Amazing_Asparagus,2018/11/09,"Bpd runs in my family So I was talking with my grandmother and I think that bpd may run deep in my family. I suspect my mom has it, my grandmother claims she knows she has it, and we were talking about my great grandmother  and I believe she had it too. 
From my understanding it can be caused by a traumatic  experience  and after years and years of abusive generations I'd like for the pattern to end with me. 

I'm not entirely sure if that's the only cause though. Does anybody else seem to notice a pattern of it in their family?",3.8128301886792464,5.208246273584905,5.3850471698113225,80.0541745283019,72.11320754716981,9.450943396226416,28.34433962264151,9.827888789773867,2.7148339622641515,419,16,84,11,8,142,68,106,0.11199999999999999,0.828,0.06,-0.6887,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,1,19,13,8,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,17,3,14,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,5,60,24,0,0.0,0.19254865625575227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830939567817576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093531831777229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338865969844304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221424615825412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575687268004982,0.0,0.14393628237014888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896668981770407,0.4596019956570209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916866764201064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931165421565057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939454019370809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033061784720065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850195577831696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235967429082012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794367676161047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316445184625396,0.0,0.0,0.2612399585181062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413032208521816,0.15966597968148571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691794144961188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930318046870197
bpd,snowducky,2018/11/09,"How is Emma Stone from Maniac BPD? I always hear people here saying how much they relate to Emma Stone's character in Maniac because she has BPD. How is her character borderline? I don't get it and honestly don't see the resemblance. She seems very normal to me and less mentally ill than Owen, who literally wears a depressive face 24/7. She doesn't have black and white thinking. She doesn't have extreme abandonment issues. If anything, other people like her little sister are more clingy that she is and SHE is the one who wants to leave others, not the other way around. She's almost schizoid. To me, she just seems like a depressed person dealing with a lot of grief, which is normal. Can someone explain to me how her behavior is borderline? 

I really relate to Emma Stone's character in Maniac but ever since I heard that a lot of other borderlines relate to her too, I'm starting to get concerned. Could this mean that I am borderline also? Is it possible to relate to Emma Stone's character without having BPD?",5.01203125,6.907680723958332,5.995750000000001,74.87425000000002,69.88541666666666,9.286666666666667,27.38333333333333,9.725611199111238,2.873024583333333,817,28,135,20,15,270,108,192,0.086,0.8740000000000001,0.04,-0.7672,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,10,10,3,0,7,0,19,3,2,4,1,29,32,11,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,13,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,1,6,21,3,19,30,5,7,0,4,3,0,22,4,0,6,4,101,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359489030018415,0.0,0.0,0.10857111500614723,0.11296724515410805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172291753896156,0.12085951536062292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827610027357983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.512973291542697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839719892860357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996761635436145,0.2338681618384423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280709479264887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186307892973132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301687208164433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417032482195246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375539114349373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265571243403418,0.13607206333996028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308448696746017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788774088418175,0.0,0.0,0.13681905359357385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998027984742765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660414878946799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919977874310265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824452862931867,0.11854464507845534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305448837901908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697445019160753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796567135836074,0.0,0.0,0.10818702137945163,0.2471904717004357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230610085170296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503313114724148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960950715668454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699264476182936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202023363619737,0.08007763604160502,0.10776383200756877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087248690706402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sir_blue35,2018/11/09,"I distrust my psychiatrist and his diagnosis I have a fairly long psychiatric history since I was a teen (I'm in my 20s now) and I've gotten all kinds of diagnoses like adjustment disorder, anxiety, depression and most recently BPD. But I've been reading a lot about BPD online and I really really don't think I have it (and I'm also terrified of the stigma that comes with it). Anyways I started to see my psychiatrist after I was involuntarily hospitalized for a ""suicide attempt""-I wasn't actually trying to kill myself, I just got a little too drunk. I got out after only three days but I felt a little traumatized by the experience. For a little background, I grew up in a very violence prone household and was also raped a few months ago-so screaming, loud noises and a loss of control are major triggers for me. The loss of control with the outside world and the way I was treated felt very dehumanizing to me-so much so, that a month later, I'm still having dreams about being involuntarily admitted again. I'm absolutely terrified of seeing a therapist or a doctor for any sort of medical or psych problem because I'm scared they'll somehow find a reason to lock me up again. I have lost my trust and faith in mental health providers because the ER doctors, the psychiatrists, nurses and social workers made me feel subhuman and wrong inside-and I'm never allowing myself to feel like that ever again. BUT going back to the BPD diagnosis-I'm not entirely sure I fit into the criteria at all and I'm not even sure I understand how my psychiatrist came to that diagnosis. 

​

I used to have really bad suicidal ideation but that has pretty much stopped since I was put on Celexa and Wellbutrin. I also have a few suicide attempts from when I was a teen (5+ years ago) and a history of cutting (also from 5+ years ago). I don't have any abandonment issues-my policy is simple: if people want to leave, let them. Like for example, I was very recently friend dumped by my best friend, but I moved on extremely fast. As for rage, I used to have extremely bad temper tantrums as a teen but now I'm just very indifferent to everything. If someone upsets me, I kind of just shake it off and move on with my life.  I wont lie though, during my involuntary stay, for the first few hours I was very hostile and angry but I didn't once scream or anything like that. For unstable relationships-my last relationship was very loving and we broke up only because of long distance. My moods aren't unstable at all-I feel like I'm just chronically indifferent-I just don't care. I do have really bad trust issues but they aren't without cause; like I don't trust some men because I was raped and now I deeply distrust people in mental health because I don't want to be wrongfully hospitalized ever again. Finally, for the impulsive behaviors bit-most of my impulsive behaviors are with travelling, but nothing unsafe. So that concludes my rant on why I don't think I have BPD.

​

So on to why I'm starting to distrust my psychiatrist. I'm anemic and the meds I'm on make me very, very tired. So tired that I don't have the energy to get proper meals anymore-I rely on junk food, coffee, and easy snacks. I have lost about 2 pounds over two weeks as a result of this but I'm not underweight at all. He doesn't believe me when I say that I don't eat consistently because I'm lazy and tired. Based on the questions he asks, I know for a fact that he is trying to determine if I'm developing an eating disorder and I'm growing resentful because I despise how he keeps trying to lump me into a psych diagnosis. 

​

I know I have issues-I have a hard time trusting people, I have next to no energy and dont care about much and I'm fairly impulsive. And if I'm improving on antidepressants, there's obviously something wrong with my brain. I guess I'm just annoyed that he keeps trying to push a diagnosis onto me-not everyone who seeks help is mentally ill, they just have some issues. Im also irritated by his diagnosis because there is so much stigma around it and I don't want it to ""follow"" me around. I'm not going to stop seeing him though because I do think the meds helped.  

​

So based on all this, do you guys think I was misdiagnosed or I'm just in denial? ",4.7823125996810205,6.101509655502392,6.23132057416268,75.20391068580544,69.66985645933013,9.592472089314194,29.842424242424244,9.888512548439397,2.9941748644338118,3416,133,631,84,60,1161,337,836,0.24600000000000002,0.653,0.10099999999999999,-0.9992,2,0,1,0,0,3,104.0,1,1,4,11,49,57,15,3,39,0,58,23,1,14,11,127,122,64,4,8,31,0,6,6,2,2,13,4,0,2,19,39,6,7,18,4,0,13,23,34,1,3,23,13,79,22,91,94,17,89,1,7,3,3,28,34,0,16,46,396,98,6,0.0,0.0,0.045017553687336516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122678004031783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184456163133467,0.0,0.199933240947859,0.22421861117945416,0.0627418146165284,0.0,0.035290364803968965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037962179355248885,0.08213338319433705,0.04312659514421195,0.0,0.0,0.03547216899559619,0.11555327827268695,0.2530912447343557,0.0,0.0,0.051974246438094895,0.048412017161825804,0.0,0.050363498160184234,0.0,0.232403336479944,0.05149785529598904,0.0,0.052761987308751236,0.09406799381667623,0.04738961508907283,0.0,0.03973808264585904,0.0,0.0,0.10348048770602314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02975091141352635,0.0,0.039732873526585145,0.046822360232837874,0.0,0.0,0.10574107239788944,0.09443480522188888,0.0,0.0,0.05406561137962753,0.0,0.0,0.0944077977684834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030469328784162773,0.08345691396735648,0.0,0.04408049223420183,0.04145989258910452,0.04512532285203602,0.0,0.0,0.06997620645544733,0.06591250685630361,0.08858668161109315,0.05053465095786459,0.04216322810169086,0.03923931199592777,0.05578222468601803,0.0,0.07128194995986911,0.0,0.024101732056631117,0.0,0.05243503096828014,0.0,0.07379092694702301,0.0,0.05081889490184567,0.04567730003065112,0.0,0.0,0.04132463822325957,0.0,0.0,0.09807095882554784,0.0,0.0,0.06184175757726495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045430098009031104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982978592864478,0.09629831090393748,0.0,0.08200734631130174,0.05103751588087813,0.09607742693705956,0.05070517899759139,0.03760321618563359,0.0,0.04884645032627377,0.0,0.04717244199225834,0.03258394445398557,0.1352247164373309,0.1387072282268929,0.0,0.08164960541410354,0.0,0.0,0.10071565965172223,0.039219233344717296,0.041635354280249656,0.04365060907164703,0.03079304160141735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248308472737787,0.04647249281846607,0.1394686846570227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364322426664859,0.09806067196701122,0.1356474327486117,0.0,0.035579349416683774,0.0,0.0490612256417785,0.0,0.0,0.044264284931354266,0.0,0.0,0.049128393769467885,0.0,0.07016995741168823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594503145666199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046932178535712986,0.0,0.04414148218310653,0.0,0.04637475924895457,0.05167768184036831,0.0,0.04614384467860515,0.0,0.1182117241557548,0.04743072214906379,0.09109830707477802,0.049527817402247216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036685509746795006,0.04618553991904738,0.0,0.11028216591509883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632067685189535,0.0,0.0,0.0470251129550408,0.0390869523693253,0.035514175377644626,0.0,0.0,0.06530402933138386,0.04916989272221906,0.03684056438683825,0.07713576663787979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138066413041673,0.0,0.08695652336905604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356206555275556,0.0,0.11823645338958674,0.0906476556802688,0.0,0.026899567506071084,0.15906363939302962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528066357423978,0.0,0.04506363642811827,0.04802437358298416,0.0,0.07968536852879629,0.0,0.3045056319250673,0.08162841560315401,0.0366169270262172,0.03700379509489532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325275583497911,0.0,0.0,0.04446898568416677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131220389058714,0.22421861117945416,0.0594141678576757
bpd,bunville,2018/11/09,"Rough Relationship and BPD My boyfriend is the absolute joy of my life. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and we spend a lot of our time together. Being with him has been healing and despite living together we’ve had very few Bad Moments. He’s emotionally distant but it works since I get scared if I’m smothered. We just click in every way. But for as long as we’ve been together he can be very mean sometimes. We argue because of it but usually I just shrug it off or attribute it to his personality and stubborness, but I feel like it’s getting worse since I moved a few hours away from him. We don’t see each other for months but then I’ll visit him for long periods of time and it’s fine. I’m scared that it’s my fault because I’m overbearing but he’s gotten to the point where he’s brutally mean if he’s in a bad mood. I snapped recently and told him I didn’t deserve to be treated like this and (very rashly) told him we needed a break. My bpd has been under control as I have really been working on controlling my emotions but I’m really spiraling out of control since we’ve stopped talking and I’m not sure what to do. All of my symptoms are hitting me at once and I feel like I’m going to die and the anxiety and panic is killing me. I’ve been doing deep breathing exercises but it’s not helping and I literally can’t function. Advice or tips would be super appreciated! I’ve never posted on this sub before, but I check it frequently and I made an account so I could post this.
Just knowing I’m not losing my mind would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.",1.5641503267973889,3.8515590679012384,3.677705156136529,85.66820261437911,81.77777777777777,6.774727668845316,25.270152505446625,7.928766900206844,1.6196139433551195,1254,51,255,24,34,427,168,324,0.168,0.733,0.099,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,6,1,0,8,5,21,4,3,8,0,27,6,2,5,3,61,50,31,2,6,19,0,3,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,15,21,0,4,5,1,3,4,7,11,0,0,12,5,34,9,30,29,5,36,0,1,2,0,26,13,0,6,18,155,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526005499460682,0.0,0.0,0.0976159584069901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457485103308319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158925240571177,0.0,0.16278982589984214,0.11885045664059606,0.0,0.08295154585647505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455549027880003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280091605048909,0.07783289330334257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011728084234484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193123400099872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213431790044178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858149103422058,0.13928491267602594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018625388400863,0.0,0.05540229812153735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534134578328166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600192036158367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785139697640776,0.0,0.05357455485875178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885570090374768,0.1428770025518512,0.0,0.08607999391911622,0.17254021584900106,0.0,0.10905945268854918,0.0,0.08287725277311626,0.0,0.0922415420498947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237690403222265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843086282379124,0.0,0.07781065043940266,0.10360986695328027,0.0,0.07228301301154483,0.07518552719253271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381708058854278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437625189492408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511910642775214,0.0,0.0,0.09215371396619697,0.0,0.18672509396440415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124901255176142,0.0,0.09625350598109413,0.10466113414477757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519660839312786,0.0,0.07768197864023696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241918855412373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641398489203153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815008337020025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187734120380722,0.10132300883283606,0.0,0.07835379722747178,0.0,0.08974999874587003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368719200057725,0.0,0.0,0.18629992407791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736464892459208,0.2413030681216509,0.0,0.0773781142087348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193875551896154,0.0,0.09934433493840264,0.13849940931156798,0.0,0.0,0.06277638020820983
bpd,griffinruns,2018/11/09,I don’t want to get better I’m so attached to this illness and it’s become part of my identity. Without it I’m nothing and I don’t want to fix it,-1.5792857142857173,0.13730300000000284,2.31964285714286,94.01660714285715,90.42857142857143,4.642857142857143,23.035714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.3777142857142857,115,5,28,1,4,43,23,35,0.096,0.736,0.16899999999999998,0.0964,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270232981975101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34195950382000684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200807563602466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710000176492467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187030463186392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561110411612929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727157119843981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ccc154,2018/11/09,"Just waiting for him to leave I really fucked up this time. I fought with my boyfriend because I was in pain, I never wanted to take it out on him. He told me he was going for a drive 2 hours ago, and hasn’t messaged me since. I’m either waiting for the “I’m leaving you” text, or a call saying something bad has happened. Either way, I know I’ll never see him again. He was everything I’ve ever wanted. He was patient with me, and we had a decently healthy relationship despite my BPD. But now I ruined it. I hate myself so much.",1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,3.610909090909093,88.76636363636366,79.0,5.854545454545455,23.72727272727273,6.742157984588678,0.7620181818181817,410,14,86,4,10,139,75,110,0.19699999999999998,0.778,0.024,-0.9589,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,0,5,6,3,0,4,0,7,2,0,0,3,19,22,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,7,2,18,0,11,15,3,15,0,1,1,1,15,4,1,1,8,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123135197452494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128681111077173,0.1177531276580803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432877300800069,0.0,0.19724563598365769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473108145633515,0.0,0.0,0.17360651202586505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785802601596514,0.0,0.0,0.10978155351955228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081740054487346,0.0,0.0,0.1907129350237897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023109718363684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615981756947816,0.0,0.0,0.4090730263115825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200035380059225,0.0,0.29796540061482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554386126991628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374806005067572,0.0,0.0,0.20738962622681006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536145655791125,0.0,0.0,0.15392950445647047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597901692006881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870979468982048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523793551690456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263753468962287,0.0,0.0,0.1845798439712817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278704169273126,0.15332738666568024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uknnownvoid,2018/11/09,"Am I in the wrong? I was driven home today after work by my grandfather, who told me in the car that he and my grandmother cleaned my room while I was at work. This instantly upset me because I hate people going in and out of my room or doing things with my possessions like moving them or taking them without my knowledge, and have had this happen more times than I can count. Looking back, it was at least a bit justified, seeing as it was messy and gross. But I still couldn't control how upset I was, and tried to calmly voice that fact, saying that while I appreciated the initiative they took to clean it, I still didn't like the fact that they did it because it feels embarrassing and like an invasion of privacy.
When I came home all I really wanted was to stay calm and go to the bank to cash my check, despite being upset out of my mind about it. I cried privately and tried to calm down so I wouldn't explode at them but it didn't work because they insisted I come downstairs to talk about it. I tried to, but after trying again to voice exactly why I was upset that they did that, I was dismissed outright and told by my grandma that she ""wouldn't accept that."" After that I reached my breaking point and yelled at them through tears, then went outside.
I wanted to stay outside to calm down or just go to the bank but it turned into a ""standoff"" between myself and my mother who came outside to try and get my to come in to talk more. My grandmother also came out and cried on the porch, where I could hear. I don't want to think she did this on purpose to make me feel more guilty about my reaction, but it's what I thought in the moment. 
My mother and I yelled at each other in the driveway. She called me a petulant child, spoiled, etc. She said because I was living under someone else's roof that nothing I said mattered. She threatened to take my paycheck from me.
After a bit of this, I went inside and met them all to ""discuss like rational adults,"" despite it being clear no one thought of me as one. For more context, I am 19 living with my grandparents. I'm not in school but I am working. My mother claimed she was ""holding up a mirror"" to me to make me see exactly why I was in the wrong, as well as using herself as an example of what I would be like in the future if I continued to act like I was, effectively putting herself down. My behavior, messy room, and bad sleep schedule was also blamed on my marijuana use. 
In the end I apologized and now I'm upstairs trying to process everything and calm down.
Was I in the wrong? Am I really the one who is most at fault in this situation?",6.335021851953018,5.617420294455068,6.6759048074296645,80.46821940726578,65.94072657743786,9.612919967222071,32.445301830101066,8.841846274778883,2.4685542747883087,2046,72,416,28,28,664,226,523,0.127,0.794,0.079,-0.9824,1,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,9,7,16,25,1,5,21,0,37,1,1,7,7,76,78,41,0,9,13,3,2,6,0,3,0,8,9,2,33,30,0,2,8,0,4,16,9,12,1,3,34,13,81,13,82,36,12,75,0,0,3,0,38,36,0,5,26,313,114,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582140733398836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049077120000555,0.06568442354785678,0.19182092467228729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176997800263222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032873740692159,0.2699254141533467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553088707690789,0.0,0.0,0.08823275659104965,0.0628099293236833,0.0,0.17282602260670246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571694902022777,0.0,0.06967642332902857,0.0,0.08773552079549153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070164998637901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955372364677081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041100738991813886,0.0,0.134126367979974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956577794217435,0.0,0.0,0.07766827996589279,0.0,0.0,0.08866445826805447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782066703203204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059901929345586,0.0,0.1389304214394555,0.0,0.06606123606596162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502288903138908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943216903342314,0.0,0.0,0.08361154448169908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548398668394994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992224661498788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453842744850483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436660794008003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908298338148192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079336225466903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966240497501904,0.06255988396775095,0.0,0.07961613044602643,0.12537628709499918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842603316781772,0.07872472860731262,0.0,0.06665506958347847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769906181704472,0.12564859800256206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829696434579128,0.1264605813102508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226346753968688,0.050407223832136895,0.0,0.12490707535736925,0.04587189420502764,0.0,0.07456798557143883,0.15034112915135026,0.08740294877682997,0.3204621046852976,0.0855681020898724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358876418372376,0.0,0.0,0.13920112447260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073190374282964,0.1458518917646409,0.1419711155979456,0.0,0.0,0.07583306334752772,0.0,0.2290847178889256,0.0,0.0,0.055883430134916236,0.2580330485697231,0.0,0.0
bpd,R1CHARDCRANIUM,2018/11/09,"Rant about healthcare providers I had an appointment on Monday. I missed it. Because I did not call 24 hours in advance to cancel, I’ve been dismissed. I can appeal this decision, of course, and would likely win. The problem is that I am moving out of state next week and need my refills now. I’m fucked without them. The providers in my new location are out of network with my current insurer and I won’t have new insurance until December 1. 

Sure, I missed my appointment. But this was only the second appointment I have missed in 5 years. They have a 2 strike policy, it seems. I was coming back from moving my family to another state and blew a tire. I should have had plenty of time to make my appointment but I chose to see my son off to his first day of school in the new school. I had about two hours to spare but ran into a wreck that slowed me down and then lost time changing my tire. I called and told them I wouldn’t make it. The lady says that is fine, I can call to reschedule when I get back in town. I called today because I got busy at work this week and forgot. She says I’ve been dismissed and cannot get refills without seeing the provider. Since I’ve been dismissed, my future refills are on hold. I run out of meds on Monday and I cannot see a provider in my new location until the 26th at the earliest. So wish me luck. I live in a small city so don’t have many other options except grin and bear it. I’m alone, 500 miles away from my support system, with no meds. 

Don’t schedule appointments on a Monday, I guess is the lesson I’ve learned. It’s shit like this that I think of when I hear our mental health system is messed up here in the states.",2.5296329254727503,4.254016642228741,3.425774092425929,91.44486803519062,76.12609970674487,6.4629790676509264,22.902315704317928,7.237678284180719,0.7025076549701689,1309,38,280,15,29,417,172,341,0.102,0.8220000000000001,0.077,-0.5131,2,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,3,6,10,16,2,0,17,0,31,5,1,2,1,43,57,20,0,6,7,1,0,2,0,4,3,3,0,0,14,17,0,2,5,0,0,6,10,8,0,3,14,6,43,8,47,39,0,66,0,4,3,1,15,25,2,4,32,179,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997387582090277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009799597752434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047792784930103,0.1480989975231231,0.0,0.11740835041594595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393336214641026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187365326648287,0.08295475537559281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210615646719408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078398043753172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191355271812424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902869154811954,0.10062656040574032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702067999078982,0.0,0.10608637141882507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236342391409924,0.10853818793294244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967410685684394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409557554451382,0.0,0.08503551753629521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512388057769954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285632855556113,0.0976340647684922,0.0,0.0,0.21393732806536628,0.0,0.09704872377618046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047053736206708,0.0,0.07140594626778267,0.0,0.3720322932707065,0.102417170144081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324122433985802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214701899557473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316478723924695,0.0,0.194923438266987,0.23021820597906706,0.08766878288539078,0.0,0.0,0.0988515579991934,0.07966115444938805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928119531076287,0.09076252103904353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170577072641512,0.0,0.0,0.11230773573359122,0.22136758857732308,0.09128205585224697,0.09201970016298663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407205097296643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449365272209373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074135861861713,0.18566138996216527,0.0,0.07010825038715625,0.0,0.0,0.06840944343204063,0.0,0.0,0.062014664929883064
bpd,dawson62294,2019/08/07,"Finally figured out meds only to quit smoking cigarettes and have to start over The title is the TL;DR. I got my meds figured out finally after years of uncertainty and thinking I was never going to be okay. But of course, finally feeling well I decided it was a good time to quit the stress relieving cigarettes. Boy was I wrong about that. I’m losing my mind. The intrusive thoughts and panic attacks are back with a vengeance. I’m actually in physical pain trying to control myself. I feel like hell. I was doing so well mentally. My mental health apparently was very much apart of my nicotine addiction.",4.1409983766233776,6.860154544642861,5.554123376623377,73.37724025974026,74.98214285714286,9.072727272727274,31.61038961038961,9.573946990214177,3.748114285714287,487,24,78,14,11,163,77,112,0.196,0.682,0.122,-0.91,1,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,5,13,2,2,6,1,10,3,0,1,1,17,19,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,7,2,11,6,15,11,1,15,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,10,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.1382171444764456,0.15440508432099287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113237616956844,0.0,0.10891000299592894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885778266734027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323170475145666,0.10118540143514224,0.0,0.4654687725384824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804954918397574,0.1187982786645074,0.11327993610808487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055335946372575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919661568172747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845541758360396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31465324452182325,0.0,0.2854732840595936,0.0,0.14301285296561825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411938940691404,0.0,0.10923907844612776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077212148047662,0.15071160570357586,0.166180338419767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012964711158613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025129885643903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224454515142356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075518115685698,0.0,0.11244384623899917,0.0825895923657531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961621309856774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116865243317069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546970949690464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485767242003487,0.0,0.0912094944093132
bpd,UnexpectedUsername1,2019/08/07,"Ways in which I am like a cat 1. I will beg you for affection but only want it on my own terms. When you try to demand it from me I will run away or lash out.

2. I spend most of my day asleep (depressed), with occasional bursts of energy or hyperfocus.

3. I will long to go outside thinking that that is where I truly belong. Once outside, I will change my mind and beg to come back in.

4. I will sometimes run at/away from things that don't seem to be there.",0.2433673469387756,2.1195551734693936,2.319755102040819,95.88595918367348,84.0,5.552653061224492,17.963265306122448,6.742157984588678,-0.2240930612244898,349,8,85,4,10,117,70,98,0.018000000000000002,0.856,0.126,0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,1,1,0,13,14,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,14,1,15,8,3,16,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,4,6,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801457474204454,0.19648190876010424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27031013282906763,0.22011099264030015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479161064574707,0.0,0.22008213909886545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521997473317605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483594486167987,0.0,0.0,0.22613038299496255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580060375993485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721243401648613,0.0,0.1943372446660278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326191275846725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25271941642620643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975855418782435,0.16372923269715506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348378043118154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071446489746118,0.20282277398751106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,critical_cunt,2019/08/07,Does it get easier? When you get older does it get easier to handle?  Or will I need to do DBT therapy in order to handle my BPD?  I honestly don't want to go because I'm scared of change.  But I want to get better.,-0.3953191489361707,1.4434367021276628,3.3908936170212804,87.49400000000004,86.23404255319151,7.164255319148936,15.782978723404256,8.238735603445708,0.5971055319148929,163,3,37,4,5,61,31,47,0.102,0.6679999999999999,0.23,0.8269,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,12,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,7,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304805784014755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220482789021078,0.0,0.0,0.31620998376536996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265595500188515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394206891937821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246883916747775,0.0,0.1426871106271523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861629322923832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513617755958017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28711689195103657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29617153653206363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thrownawayeightyone,2019/08/07,How do you stop the thoughts? Diagnosed 2 months ago after going through years of depression and conversion disorder treatment. Just weaned off my antidepressant and antipsychotic about 5 days ago and been on 200 lamictal for a few months. I constantly have day dreams of hanging myself and have for years(my psychiatrist knows). When do the thoughts stop?,7.780508474576273,10.79207891525424,6.012000000000004,72.97664406779663,64.9322033898305,10.82169491525424,37.22372881355932,10.793553405168565,4.853044745762713,292,15,45,9,5,85,47,59,0.175,0.7829999999999999,0.042,-0.8156,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,11,9,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,9,6,1,16,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,12,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182765939984046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25495723017931765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043115184163108,0.0,0.20320673383506954,0.2394646560611285,0.0,0.0,0.2703969792143985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408483248103867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966132194955626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766352076774989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944971961280351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746051845112948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519316113118348
bpd,widardofsnoz,2019/08/07,DAE block their fp? How did it go? Did you regret it or was it better without them?,-1.9450000000000005,-0.1525388333333293,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,104.0,2.4000000000000004,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.876244444444444,63,1,15,0,3,21,15,18,0.258,0.621,0.12,-0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6200663772990969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984515449131633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6758358188935294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WalterHarrow,2019/08/07,"I don’t want to die but also don’t want to live like this anymore I’m struggling a lot right now

I’ve basically convinced myself and accept that I will and need to grow old and die alone 

I don’t think I’ll ever have a ‘normal’ relationship so don’t ever attempt to date or speak to anyone 

I’d love to have kids but at the same time don’t want them because I’m worried I’ll be a horrible father and also part of me worries that they will turn out like me and I wouldn’t want my kids to go through what I do every day 

Basically I just don’t see the point in living my life. I have a loving family (great parents and very supportive/protective older brother) but literally nothing or no one else in my life. As I said, I’ll never have a normal relationship or family so there’s nothing to look forward to in my future 

So what’s the point in waking up every day and struggling like I do?",1.9954563492063504,3.565009613756616,4.3131712962962965,85.17864583333333,77.2010582010582,6.841402116402117,23.45271164021164,7.645422480735847,1.0729600529100534,703,22,148,10,16,245,99,189,0.14300000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.5764,1,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,1,10,10,0,2,8,0,16,5,1,0,3,30,31,19,2,8,7,3,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,2,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,3,9,2,0,1,1,4,18,8,19,26,3,24,0,0,2,2,13,11,0,4,15,95,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119540535733984,0.0,0.18460301141952265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446584077154168,0.08070449927085308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035909289622147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887298277581773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395759251632717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964187807742012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880838813456196,0.194493021447965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761581660806725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559596909223714,0.0,0.0,0.127251196539381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304942507613165,0.16916546354851192,0.0,0.20383633213883814,0.0,0.09692391282431803,0.0,0.0,0.09812614089453234,0.20834250401520685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558262830537433,0.08901918666055647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261746129488847,0.22149762192405767,0.0,0.12111410180720547,0.0,0.07821172603200692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816049174321026,0.1249888472237455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821882405674395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478362361596854,0.0,0.09856823453920156,0.10979105718210097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197496931860867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413245421217784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395661448937503,0.0,0.0,0.06730245662638007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255440521763784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095233766679055,0.2723113373165563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344296656709356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkitjusthappened,2019/08/07,"Best representation in media? It’s pretty hard finding a character I can really relate to.

What shows/movies/etc. do you think most accurately portray BPD?",3.9250000000000007,7.2551999259259325,5.835092592592595,65.2504166666667,86.77777777777777,8.625925925925927,25.26851851851852,8.841846274778883,3.342118518518518,126,5,18,4,4,43,27,27,0.05,0.675,0.276,0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851257691720962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46220194368691103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092827887258341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33541559731261217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287444732635724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733534030831723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350985553776073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351477366850539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,English-Bitchrature,2019/08/07,"Relationships Hello friends, 
I'm just looking for any advice you might have surrounding relationships (forming, lasting, anything), with BPD. I always have a desire to be super open about mental health struggles from day one and I think it scares people off - when I do get into anything vaguely resembling a relationship, I use them too much as a crutch. I know that obviously this is a symptom, but I'm terrified of being alone, and it doesn't help that by my age my sister was married, pregnant with her first child, and in a steady job. I'm just about to graduate from my Master's, but have no employment lined up (even my part-time university cashier job is going to fall through in a few weeks as they're making cutbacks), who's moving back in with her father and younger brother to save money, with no romantic prospects. I just feel so much like a failure. 
Thank you in advance :)",8.919939759036149,7.7095385542168735,8.354307228915662,72.12435240963856,61.048192771084345,10.950602409638558,38.8222891566265,9.827888789773867,3.758255421686747,704,30,125,11,8,223,116,166,0.136,0.71,0.154,0.4828,3,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,4,10,7,0,2,7,0,11,2,0,2,1,24,23,10,0,1,5,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,3,0,1,4,3,2,0,2,1,2,15,5,25,19,4,20,0,0,1,0,16,9,0,1,8,86,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952709805575976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584801604102572,0.0,0.0,0.1273229610407768,0.0,0.0,0.104057264115953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518410121052303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766114450148835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927204011656965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868373956248597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106672916961504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737033259739061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301567535795465,0.0,0.0,0.1182210737609148,0.0,0.07994541801499347,0.0,0.08696346925479477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265062983891496,0.0,0.0,0.10256452002452872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036928567644949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409451073812411,0.12472982562435996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475670528671302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284963059406876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214048421889614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420582317083328,0.16232756874178594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263356908984014,0.2249711906237224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036887346322289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570322724328446,0.0,0.10608318699864548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928511431820773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319738375651476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996729440588686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904395056154272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087811374597464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804754559372164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215813871270535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274154654327668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lennoxsoup,2019/08/07,"Pregnancy with Borderline? My husband and I would like to have a baby in the next couple years but I want to make sure that I can stay healthy and keep my bpd in check.

Have any of you been through pregnancy? Can you share personal experience or advice?",2.7906122448979573,5.299474591836738,3.644244897959183,86.39004081632655,78.59183673469387,8.001632653061224,26.126530612244892,8.841846274778883,2.18621306122449,201,8,40,5,5,64,39,49,0.0,0.754,0.24600000000000002,0.9009,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,10,9,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,7,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839405907958253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759683317510107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659613894532376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215089890344209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842321646596873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582710115613746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195729965376036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395701388165806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090233483923069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537135777265403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30970781284704657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738577732674584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713850804694998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064118276386985,0.0,0.0,0.1871168611581383
bpd,alptory,2019/08/07,"I feel like I’m trying to convince myself there is something wrong with me? Title honestly says it all. A few months ago I came across “BPD” and was like, omg that’s me. I had a psych assessment a month or so later and even though I felt like I was being honest, I now feel like I was lying for a lot of the test.

The results came back and the psych did indeed believe I have BPD, along with a few other things. 

Here’s the thing though.. I feel like I’m lying to myself, making myself believe I have something wrong with me when I don’t. Telling myself I have all these things, but here I am, sitting on my couch, and feel like I’ve just been exaggerating the entire time. 

I haven’t been taking my medication because I think I’m fine and it’s only going to fuck me up, and mess with something not there.

What’s wrong with me? Why am I lying to myself, making myself believe I have something wrong with my brain? I’ve been feeling this way for about 2 weeks now, and I can’t recall how I felt before that. 

Do I have something wrong with me? Am I lying to myself? I haven’t been to any therapy yet because well, I haven’t taken action to set anything up. I’m really debating on seeing another psychiatrist and getting another opinion on my mental health.

ANY input at all would be extremely appreciated. I know, you aren’t doctors or psychologists or the such, and I’m not expecting any professional opinions. Just some advice, or input!",3.2947237318840585,4.886155510416671,4.780978260869566,83.0879347826087,73.75694444444444,7.092028985507247,24.32729468599034,7.7425588080867325,1.2483570048309178,1129,34,221,15,23,378,137,288,0.145,0.754,0.102,-0.9602,1,0,5,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,0,19,18,1,0,11,0,28,5,1,4,3,50,52,19,0,2,9,0,7,6,0,1,3,1,1,0,11,19,0,0,9,0,0,4,8,7,1,0,14,9,42,11,26,35,7,25,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,8,17,159,53,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307662939423115,0.07536153459130622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173441340315084,0.17829333043253806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996090575212091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537203906817009,0.0,0.10364990173714404,0.0,0.07234233523366224,0.2873516814642759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414929537895086,0.09490594749800367,0.0,0.1944712597693244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701745553150092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056152251414524235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493316364987225,0.2429417256004979,0.1632573416054395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785959013822905,0.044417339402399184,0.0,0.04831653927653355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036800868580297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672255794113713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492070740591273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227754397406133,0.0,0.0,0.11349765044508855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856446533196541,0.08567610947159811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571788447622246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465848194817465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446341222315116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760811769646652,0.0,0.0,0.06774672710897464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272472653912785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392143480275453,0.0,0.07430771167249146,0.0,0.09722317962663032,0.0,0.16944251366275204,0.05447480566543257,0.16705553272776313,0.0,0.04957350023174704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772026820997494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748172586828229,0.06819468916361936,0.0,0.07643957389060171,0.0,0.07671369641440233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039291127507997,0.4647581274893005,0.0,0.0
bpd,DamnedDryad,2019/08/07,"Treatment - I'm adverse to it, okay? Hi everyone, 

So I don't have a diagnosis yet. It's in the works. I've reached out to see a psychiatrist, because I know there is something wrong with me, and BPD seems to fit the bill. This is going through public health channels, so it's taking a bit of time and I have to jump through a few hoops first. 

Anyways, I've been looking at treatment options online for BPD and read about CBT and DBT. That just seems like it's... the worst? Like, I don't want to do that at all? I'm suffering pretty badly, but I just feel the whole mindset is contemptuous, dismissive of the patient's experiences and overall shitty, and I think I would probably prefer to stick with the suffering I know than constantly telling myself, and being told by others, that I'm wrong for having the feelings I have?   

It seems like every treatment for BPD out there is focused on trying to show the patient (lucky me) that they're just wrong about their whole worldview because they have ""cognitive distortion"", whereas, of course, the therapist doesn't and just knows the truth about life (sure). The patient then has to change completely who they are in order to be even remotely acceptable to society. What trauma they might have gone through doesn't matter, because what's important is that they get SKILLZ to be ""normal"". 

Actually, being normal seems like it's really important in those therapies, somehow, whereas I don't really care about being ""normal"", whatever that means. I care about suffering less and not being an asshole to others. 

Just for context, I'm almost functional. I'm freaking out most of the time, but I'm in a long term relationship (8 years and counting), I can hold a job, I went back to college where I'm pretty much getting straight A's and I'm about to graduate...  I can't seem to stop smoking, but many people struggle with that. I don't think it means that I have such ""maladaptive behavior"" that I need to change who I am. 

When I first went through the Wikipedia article for CBT, I was mad for two days straight. DBT just seems like it's everything that irks me about CBT, but more. It just looks the same to me as saying to a depressed person ""have you tried being happy instead?"", or to an anxious person ""You have nothing to worry about"". Gee, thanks, my mental health problems are fixed forever! Except that on top of it, if you don't believe the therapist, then it's because you're a bad bad person that has BPD, and as we all know, people with BPD are evil. /s  

And what about that whole ""tolerating distress"" bullshit? Like, I thought the whole point of therapy was that I'm not in distress 100% of the time? But no, it looks like I just have to accept that life sucks and that's the therapy? WTF? How is saying that to people not resulting in more suicides? 

So I'm super adverse to it. And I don't feel like that spells success for me, you know? 

I heard that those things help. I just can't seem to see how. Actually, I'm worried that trying to go through with that is just going to trigger the worst out of me. If I feel angry just reading about it online, how am I going to react when the therapist, that I have no reason to trust, will tell me that I should just take a deep breath when I'm panicked about something that's legitimately scary, or sad about something that really sucks, or angry about something that's unacceptable? 

I'm questioning even getting a diagnosis at this point. Why would I do that if the next step is being labelled, marginalized and ""reprogrammed"" with bullshit positivism rooted in denial? I wonder if I'm just better off never going back. 

I know it might be the BPD talking. But still, I think my concerns are valid. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has them. 

What do you think? DAE?",4.6312966183073385,6.014536473177444,5.146692792816179,82.59479510004931,70.10041265474553,8.072762191482182,29.122758298512892,8.508773641640916,2.126237154498974,2964,112,565,47,53,948,284,727,0.19699999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.127,-0.9968,1,0,4,0,0,1,118.0,1,5,6,7,48,49,4,3,36,1,60,5,1,8,7,123,128,42,1,14,31,0,4,8,0,6,4,3,0,3,56,27,0,2,31,4,1,10,17,25,0,4,9,12,55,24,89,104,17,58,0,5,5,0,30,25,2,23,30,388,111,7,0.0,0.0,0.10163169365323076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052143700903968616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882779587081284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008201950765219,0.13043662322926058,0.1269731458770076,0.0,0.0,0.05866856658339342,0.0,0.046054436930887836,0.05685035277428616,0.0,0.3935055788653824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061840187557744,0.0,0.11017289819167758,0.0,0.05459766843659662,0.05627253603500657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03358285009980972,0.0,0.04485049607829303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687876002840796,0.0,0.04387384374894822,0.049758091187552034,0.046799956432295266,0.050937496736871236,0.0,0.0,0.105318922582797,0.03720104246035864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858672693837406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161815719389587,0.0,0.14797175122726033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543279727551634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070256852318087,0.0,0.0,0.03490351011031256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167452981778802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717081270443974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356155964762906,0.20352234228089214,0.0,0.0,0.0460830665188257,0.1311849003670862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279396356603297,0.0,0.11344577201809315,0.0,0.0,0.05247745035832123,0.110482688075884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038279729796357666,0.03861155360681032,0.04016199508987138,0.0,0.055380346623320385,0.0,0.1530617842422649,0.049965556515659725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035286089153403095,0.03960394907759639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830282018740664,0.13640470162501478,0.0,0.0,0.09845184694512316,0.0,0.0,0.1059541534519692,0.05614362336136081,0.04982693668553332,0.0,0.0,0.05833380425319355,0.0,0.10417440980755632,0.0,0.10007810913377213,0.0535398331136012,0.0,0.05590703573653201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282125932461958,0.0,0.0,0.08299105855124067,0.3318378455668263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603537063518051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04158565545098142,0.04353545429798277,0.0,0.0544381241805638,0.0,0.0569595340104445,0.0,0.0981565858239862,0.0,0.07830500106464855,0.04185439587946439,0.09102839226905622,0.047941926372574405,0.17865042941379045,0.18138269380983296,0.034595062552701984,0.13346539322188064,0.0,0.04134023524158553,0.0910927531680976,0.0,0.0,0.049758091187552034,0.0,0.1060626770405141,0.0,0.05086786505739666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030714071321294518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654459523176714,0.04698788519014939,0.2325510849087243,0.0,0.0,0.056471069953217524,0.03790984658268883,0.10576554824633183,0.0,0.07398249110466737,0.17080132406360884,0.0,0.03353337760372087
bpd,beigetshirt,2019/08/07,"Life of Pi and BPD I'm reading Life of Pi (Yann Martel) and came across a pretty good description of BPD in the way he talks about being at sea alone on a lifeboat. 

""The worst pair of opposites is boredom and terror. Sometimes your life is a pendulum swing from one to the other. The sea is without a wrinkle. There is not a whisper of wind. The hours last forever. You are so bored you sink into a state of apathy close to a coma. Then the sea becomes rough and your emotions are whipped into a frenzy. Yet even these two opposites do not remain distinct. In your boredom there are elements of terror: you break down into tears; you are filled with dread; you scream; you deliberately hurt yourself. And in the grip of terror- the worst storm- you yet feel boredom, a deep weariness with it all. 

Only death consistently excites your emotions, whether contemplating it when life is safe and stale, or fleeing it when life is threatened and precious.""

Just wanted to share since sometimes BPD is hard to explain/express and this seemed to really capture the emotional ups and downs and how quickly it changes.",5.217762195121953,7.1589630780487825,5.063460365853661,81.58055640243906,69.4390243902439,7.4664634146341475,31.349085365853657,8.07648339933343,2.347640243902439,881,38,154,12,16,272,123,205,0.225,0.7070000000000001,0.068,-0.9879,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,11,0,0,12,14,0,4,18,0,13,6,0,1,2,30,18,17,1,1,6,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,17,0,1,2,1,0,3,3,9,0,2,1,6,11,5,30,16,3,28,0,1,0,0,14,14,0,2,8,110,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342903309912282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228261994621738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867706478737824,0.0,0.0,0.14734720613677893,0.0,0.0,0.13628506407844734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347492500507857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509100392556047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514032193243045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805649671841802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540638056672466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687160506254264,0.0,0.13791518592795166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501364958615599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549822159005782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729854619931593,0.09798102485076514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106643130560813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886486921000062,0.0,0.08253180071210578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728199892823445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656951223982312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548323401793666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354867881343244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584819611117026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598727539780421,0.10225926220433552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241875284559571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thatgirlnats,2019/08/07,"BPD and attachment I have recently split with my boyfriend, we have been on/off for a year and a half but due to irrational thinking and actions I tend to break up with him and then regret it. I have been recently diagnosed with BPD and i am so confused as past relationships have never been like this. The breaking up part is the hardest as I feel like my whole world is ruined. 

I feel happy with him but I get thoughts that he doesn't care or he doesn't want to be with me and the smallest of things like a little argument or if he's not feeling talkative sets me off. I try to reassure myself and say he does want me but my negative thoughts get the best of me. 

We have spoke since the break up and I am in limbo at the minute as he has not decided if he still wants to continue the relationship seeing as I have said and done a lot of horrible stuff. He told me not to worry and take things slow but if we do get back together, how can I stop these thoughts of abandonment and feeling unwanted ?",4.559395872420262,4.924503063414632,5.4107317073170735,84.35703564727956,69.58536585365854,9.624765478424015,29.915572232645413,9.661875296680813,2.4733714821763595,788,29,171,17,13,258,110,205,0.231,0.69,0.079,-0.9859,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,0,0,1,4,11,0,1,11,0,20,1,0,1,1,51,41,27,0,8,12,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,19,0,2,9,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,10,8,25,7,26,30,4,25,0,3,1,0,19,8,0,7,15,124,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248795034607534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987440158087122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357356243478624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589295710441796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528148592280598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663861596105553,0.13639684725005932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695716360433804,0.09521884228044876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890775965076333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188437828230133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953489794423319,0.13358660156853686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331415454587912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279762133562943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433468412912942,0.1272356295778134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632057479555446,0.2861964539750122,0.0,0.0,0.12678457246840796,0.1059935946351847,0.0,0.0,0.10621090152646613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025474281748876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064415861930636,0.11143224173958648,0.0,0.0,0.15257945550934215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021374473699708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709728475475806,0.08540365663566013,0.0,0.31744024459796544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735954488405554,0.0,0.09049177701336852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23584486773852106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880796082305264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535740386716535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583118058000376
bpd,scrake1,2019/08/07,"I'm a 21 y/o male with bpd Never been formally diagnosed by my dad was diagnosed with it and I am 99.9% sure I have it. My emotions are all over the place throughout the day and sometimes I will be laughing seconds after I feel an intense spike of depression. It is driving me nuts, I still live with my mom and the only thing keeping me out in the world is my job. I just lost my first relationship with a girl, it was hardly even a relationship, but it ended with me saying something really insensitive and coming across as a narcissist, despite me being a complete coward pariah in person. I feel like I'm going insane and it's all just getting worse as I get older. I am about to leave for work and I'm flipflopping from intense anxiety to momentary relief and happiness. Ugghh. I wish there was a cure to this curse.",4.1438752556237235,5.46824992638037,5.633880368098161,78.86386758691208,71.20858895705521,8.378118609406954,28.92075664621677,8.841846274778883,2.382513701431493,650,25,121,12,12,220,105,163,0.166,0.7070000000000001,0.127,-0.7892,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,11,0,13,2,0,0,4,25,25,10,0,1,3,2,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,8,14,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,5,4,19,5,21,17,2,17,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,0,8,90,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254158982197225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174822852058036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798576044622898,0.1679516146154397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330649749634097,0.0,0.1379676723997908,0.3251701417098273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018730470194586,0.14187694724928124,0.0,0.0,0.105801116275221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198936331759842,0.11443666598786055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625383875206046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738078963414998,0.0,0.0910372008465998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052061144121747,0.14349488578045375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895954838199278,0.1423803727999117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961348269962895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825862114443334,0.0,0.14144687063517825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486156805472675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760750648531885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235450544807501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182841105118435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986793780191564,0.1673599186932405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026190342187499,0.0,0.0,0.3439588974836065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738606451855458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331874539034142,0.15842771156860724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792447329402964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509730868216641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642023331446536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842056011454936,0.0,0.0,0.11661706673024168,0.0,0.16324287041160526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scarter3549,2019/08/07,"Been taking 25mg quetiepine for a week now and my head is scrambled egg I've been on 150mg setraline and 20mg buspirone daily for around 8 months whilst waiting on an appointment with a psyc who prescribed 25mg then 50mg of quetiapine after a week and scheduled another appointment for 2 months time (which I think is far too long since I would like to have improved before uni in September) 

He thinks I have BPD and since getting the leaflet from him explaining, I am now 100% certain. 

I got the drunk feeling everyone talks about on the first nightbut it hasn't helped my sleep at all. In fact it makes it worse because I've been getting restless legs and even worse vivid nightmares than I had before.

I'm permanently angry unless I'm high which I am trying to cut down (I caved today). I've been saying the worst things to everyone around me and just being generally a chore to be around, I can't stand my own company nevermind anyone else having to.

The funny thing is, I actually felt like I was right to be such an angry cunt until having a smoke and reflecting. I can't trust my own feelings and I'd kinda hoped this would be a wonder drug, I know it's early days but I need to know if it is even worth continuing on it, or that someone else had a similar experience.

Sorry for the long post.",6.659483516483519,6.0802091461538526,7.038241758241759,77.6796153846154,65.23076923076923,10.197802197802199,32.41758241758242,9.606745405546679,2.7873351648351656,1038,36,205,18,14,339,158,260,0.08800000000000001,0.852,0.06,-0.7048,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,11,9,2,1,15,0,26,6,3,1,3,38,45,14,0,5,5,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,13,12,2,1,10,1,1,0,3,4,0,1,9,5,20,5,30,30,4,35,0,0,1,0,7,14,1,5,21,128,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.1187272194742271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757607039456367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507080329163788,0.12465988656746554,0.0,0.3249221941423913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416568599805731,0.0,0.20705543678806104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323245976690414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846368137826322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109245289306846,0.0,0.2032705290775277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071680442321756,0.0,0.0,0.2325117136471256,0.0,0.11901144489790735,0.0,0.0,0.12303467930920756,0.0,0.1168172138271072,0.0,0.0,0.10348795138258936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271295926682755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730639340927066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486310625391582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154929936378663,0.12854545989417673,0.0,0.12084052210461214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372750010226478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188784764442628,0.0,0.0,0.2153389028935896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121214746324414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942232425827185,0.0,0.0,0.09021285062823364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652117356856205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039010088290931,0.0,0.0967526711354121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128463252248,0.0,0.1217525879858456,0.0,0.10308612513160564,0.0,0.0,0.13619369675995782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914767304680903,0.0977894959125162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165727193069146,0.15591568401226302,0.0,0.0,0.07094367848676512,0.0,0.11532393168987755,0.0,0.0,0.08260236075555406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518420446052895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194020241670856,0.0,0.0,0.24797349405254934,0.1728542572281471,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leahblunds,2019/08/07,"DAE have difficulty letting go of arguments? This might not be bpd related but it only happens with my FP so figured it might be linked.

Whenever I have an argument with my FP it gets to the point where its just become the same circular discussion and nothing changes but i still just Cant Let It Go. My FP has let me down very often and apologises CONSTANTLY for the shit things he does but nothing ever changes so even once he’s apologised and admitted he’s in the wrong/should have done better/didn’t mean to fuck up I’m still so ANGRY at him. He barely responds when we have these arguments (this morning he kept turning over to go to sleep whilst we were talking) and it feels like he’s never listening which makes me even more frustrated and angry, which makes me spiteful and then it riles the whole situation up again. And i KNOW that keeping the circular argument going doesn’t help anything - the shit thing he did is in the past and he cant go back and change it, all he can do is try his best in future. Unfortunately, this happens so so often and he promises me every time that he will try to be better and it never happens. I feel like if I let the conversation finish without any real conclusion and act like it never happened then I’ve given in, and forgiven him again only to inevitably be having the same argument this time next week. If i forgive him then he hasnt had any real consequences to his actions and that doesnt seem very fair.

So yeah. Does anyone else get caught in repetitive cycles when they argue bc they cant let it go? Or am i just incredibly petty?",4.166634615384614,5.7630318814102575,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,71.53205128205127,8.405128205128205,28.06410256410256,8.959647251330699,2.2875102564102567,1265,47,240,25,24,416,165,312,0.154,0.703,0.142,-0.6585,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,2,3,22,13,6,0,11,1,33,4,3,2,5,56,61,31,0,2,11,0,2,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,23,18,0,2,10,0,0,9,11,6,0,0,7,3,23,7,22,42,6,45,0,0,0,1,30,12,3,8,27,167,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435080805727706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058788758733451116,0.08614706469892341,0.06918840188827463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465020517787427,0.0,0.0,0.09285670222687824,0.0,0.0,0.08823387267283753,0.14871896664138762,0.0,0.0,0.10589233625181092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668277042808244,0.0,0.0,0.09085762379393714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471531126943702,0.08604020404891617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702357426354194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106444366414624,0.07605267402976741,0.07083869806855866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502395414041555,0.12012958927256752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772805044686346,0.08785377194142244,0.0,0.2866981867696073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973968906727775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635519943010669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473171101796536,0.0,0.0,0.04620665043321845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298733542230657,0.0,0.1232276727126364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224441662022988,0.0,0.0,0.0915847587588778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838532286330433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453664422123065,0.0,0.08941709497416814,0.0,0.0,0.16134875221299366,0.0,0.0,0.08953951300947552,0.0,0.12788905422026892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026123588544029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948016476450986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139660423209534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654075849298166,0.0,0.0,0.17260815032330204,0.0,0.09450633665196864,0.0841379561885097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428837953345746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675780980010073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171436014846572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805222560139908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416584937194528,0.09145189004948637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874505097374998,0.0,0.0,0.0674416877508111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386923210802443,0.0,0.08104745579246236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192525957140532,0.0,0.0
bpd,angangant,2019/08/07,"Birthday struggle I’ve been struggling with BPD for years. Recently I’ve been refused therapy by a Psychology department in NHS
I feel so desperately lonely, in emotional pain and devastatingly alone. 
My birthday is in a few days and I’m refusing any celebrations or love that friends are sending my way... it’s like I’m trying to test their love and make them jump through hoops.
I just can’t accept any love or celebrations. I feel disappointed, lonely, unwanted, unloved and hurt but cannot accept anyone’s help.
What do I do? 
Cannot stop crying and feeling lonely yet very much rejecting everyone around me. I hate myself! Wish I was dead rn 
Please help",3.3886182669789235,6.347549360655737,4.541358313817335,78.0244262295082,79.98360655737704,8.075878220140515,28.386416861826696,8.841846274778883,2.888094145199064,530,24,92,14,14,173,87,122,0.332,0.46299999999999997,0.20600000000000002,-0.9559,0,7,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,4,18,1,2,2,0,10,4,0,1,0,22,21,9,1,2,4,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,3,5,0,0,3,3,11,0,0,3,3,12,7,9,18,2,13,0,6,0,3,11,4,0,2,6,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676557255287493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016378664351305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318814405181475,0.0,0.0,0.144104826776434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387838198790245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781425478801427,0.10439725648566356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208980771123065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154680385747645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455495857482098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506574856351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981999833706165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170054469115412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329264869217656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908491277733191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383008674171734,0.0,0.10805413714402368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899820169744592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722485135172059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776923067151597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598339828468482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533639863973734,0.0,0.3384579209796684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512042749354668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099038394661386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356545668277028,0.0,0.12849040721269525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861505312341372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424346391452016
bpd,veekay2,2019/08/07,"Instagram Maybe some of you are active on Instagram. If you like selfwritten stuff just follow me there, I want to upload mine soon. 😌

@ve.lo

(Not an ""outed"" bpd)",3.3520000000000003,5.935842200000002,4.436666666666671,81.06500000000003,77.0,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.6310000000000002,126,3,22,3,3,41,28,30,0.0,0.794,0.20600000000000002,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5942066094232537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049416725673524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739793556143367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5400899657399115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782756610572051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdhi,2019/08/07,"Keep going or let her go So the last few days I were chilling with my friends sister at her house, her best friend is usually with us. The first day I was alone, she asked me to smoke with her, I had no problem with that, so I went On.
I wouldn't say she type but she is smart and cute. I was relaxed till she said that her boyfriend is now her ex. After that she started to tell jokes about sex, screaming like she would get ******, asking me to massage her head. Normally I have no problem to flirt with a girl, in a sexual way, but this time my brain locked, I needed a long time to respond. Some jokes were made like""do you love me"", I actually would respond with "" fck, who told you"" or something similar, but this time I just said a shy ""no"", like the time she asked me if I want to cuddle with her in the bed? I know that she was joking, but my brain had alarm, so again, I said only a ""no"", she responded like"" oh no, maybe you are thinking wrong"", in this moment I thought she recognized that I'm shy, and my respond was a ""real one"". After that she yelled quickly .. ""No cuddling, I wanna get fucked""
In this moment was relaxed bc her friend made a awkward face, idk why, so I responded ""but you are too small for me"", ""but small ****s good"" I was shocked again, I didn't know how to handle this whole situion. I thought maybe she liked me a bit more, but then asked me to smoke a joint with her and then leave, because "" I would get a brain damage, if I would know what was going on"", my world crashed in this moment, I don't know why but that sentence hurt me.
I'm still i her brothers friends so I'm uncomfortable if she is telling she is meeting with boys... 
I don't know how to act
I don't know if should meet that person again. 
I might think too much because of my bpd.
I always could handle my situation with this ""disorder"" but this time, I'm speechless",1.530101237345331,3.3493116614173246,2.6234075740532425,95.64269291338584,79.36745406824147,5.614128233970754,21.90933633295839,6.474141703775902,0.18635127109111327,1417,42,326,12,35,451,170,381,0.134,0.711,0.155,0.9133,0,1,3,0,0,0,80.0,1,4,0,2,17,29,1,2,14,0,32,10,5,4,0,60,69,28,0,17,16,3,0,4,4,7,0,6,1,3,18,13,0,1,10,5,0,5,11,10,0,2,21,6,72,19,34,39,7,43,0,2,0,5,60,11,1,8,30,220,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.08134722161568188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863356994157688,0.0,0.0,0.0693621010017017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117209537499029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163082268548712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748105497418562,0.0,0.09100740290403574,0.0,0.10498885528166756,0.2791715967014151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655608402356389,0.0,0.0,0.10752045750124532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553764860229018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090587443176719,0.0,0.0,0.2576145572394605,0.07706486917321502,0.13065629593400654,0.0,0.14212602868961652,0.06991831540645163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555128993199937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618611359749003,0.08923847951667258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409409472616472,0.0,0.0,0.2748744719644889,0.06794943105439352,0.0,0.08826608054778742,0.0,0.08524112881719262,0.0,0.2036271423577238,0.0,0.0,0.07377087383051706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523554956376145,0.15775427489786611,0.0,0.0,0.1674924148736479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843166327888395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612791059796284,0.061810297462835465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167498697883731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648681451883573,0.0633989478412869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278663504563376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595283012725737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488179737267063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378830156619069,0.06629112528378607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370000184299837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641745110142696,0.0,0.0,0.059002554684701024,0.0,0.06657131074774401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145720425057479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682729501181856,0.0,0.13235687242666655,0.24303909253713005,0.0,0.0,0.0796539411183655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027167617584773,0.0,0.09180913482344756,0.0,0.049167819145436026,0.06616719554276558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727544727249762,0.1504386583522724,0.09306833312049154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23686587847708376,0.09114094669629076,0.0,0.0
bpd,Enderkate4,2019/08/07,"I’m sure I have BPD. I’m about to start therapy and get a diagnosis. I have 8/9 symptoms and PTSD. I’m sure I was misdiagnosed, and I’m eager to start therapy. I’m open to medication, but I’m scared that this diagnosis is going to feel like a death sentence. 

Half the research I read says “Professionals liken BPD with schizophrenia in severity” and the other half says “BPD patients get better outcomes than those with depression or anxiety.” 

Any advice for someone starting their healing journey? What did you wish you knew going in?",4.284355555555557,6.702103080000002,5.381333333333334,76.27122222222225,73.2,8.444444444444445,31.11111111111111,9.150863307647796,3.0919777777777777,428,20,74,10,9,141,64,100,0.147,0.695,0.158,-0.5439,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,1,1,7,0,1,4,0,5,3,0,0,2,14,21,6,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,2,3,3,7,5,11,18,0,9,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,40,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440028792949464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004894704362939,0.0,0.11304454907238985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069160118344136,0.0,0.0,0.5583378888521605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272751017483946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471754919029955,0.10556776130242293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544086861861517,0.0,0.1679635352122907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219353487376745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886391863941675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273660294110446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781117007814715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350271486199427,0.14794473116997606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693937324620228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520604220864898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137796076655812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785451787693658,0.1535908377354244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33797844794317744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992956553242858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PuzzleheadedWallaby0,2019/08/07,"Does anyone else get upset when people try to send you “motivation” type shit to snap out of an episode? I would like to think this is well intended but I find it irritating and insensitive even if it’s not meant to be. Tony Robbins self help videos are not going to help me only because you don’t know how to handle what I’m dealing with. If I could think it away I wouldn’t be suffering. My partner is getting increasingly irritated with me lately and I see myself shutting down.

I know it’s ridiculous.",3.106855555555556,5.23214033,4.5553333333333335,82.19322222222225,75.7,7.2444444444444445,26.11111111111111,8.167268648758528,1.7321777777777774,403,15,78,7,9,134,72,100,0.19699999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.109,-0.8945,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,4,6,2,1,1,0,9,1,1,3,0,22,19,7,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,4,1,0,1,1,12,2,12,13,1,9,0,1,1,0,8,4,1,2,3,51,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476420028688856,0.22678624047228746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795369784205084,0.0,0.0,0.1349251757135587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767198394029746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281890577269602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369378003989096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848989292291578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619121218330186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229830034690785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127922836997045,0.0,0.1257910995089956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967154796158623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432824048779868,0.0,0.2496781374025085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813423422809336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833700547741226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534474285159944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637718716565332,0.0,0.23090309632827755,0.0,0.2271995779746301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28364803451565623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502735111165807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199008831958458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723168144062827,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkimtiredlol,2019/08/07,"any tips on how to cope while going to college? the classes start in fall, but im already very nervous. this is going to be my first year. i pretty much have no ideas to cope anyway, so general tips would be nice too.",1.7790000000000001,3.5206592888888903,3.219722222222224,92.01625,78.33333333333333,5.388888888888888,22.36111111111111,5.985473137389443,0.2611111111111111,168,5,36,1,4,55,37,45,0.111,0.737,0.151,0.4785,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,24,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35226812285002795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708111034245964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715290741656753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628411072585369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603614603706611,0.3448132740065083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346640394141191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32476234516300473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259461458636045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26339061552426085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22676531810567135,0.0,0.0,0.20556774787989332
bpd,wow_anotherthrow,2019/08/07,"i feel so icky after going to a coworker’s party so basically, i was having a really shitty, unproductive, not good day. i wanted to feel better about myself and my appearance so i got all dolled up with some makeup and a cute outfit for work. after work, i planned to go to my coworker’s housewarming party.  i put on a slightly revealing top — anything is slightly revealing when you’ve got big boobs. i knew it would attract a bit of attention which would make me feel good but holy fuck i was not expecting the attention i got

most of my coworkers (pretty small crew of about 15) are dating each other. one of my closest friend/coworker’s boyfriends decided to say, “i didn’t know (me) had boobs oh my god!” and then everyone chimes in and started commenting about it. our work uniforms aren’t very figure flattering, so i get it, but holy shit. everyone kept talking about me. on one hand, the attention from men *felt so good*. on the other, more logical hand, i felt disgusted. my close friend’s boyfriend kept talking about my boobs and it made her (and me) clearly uncomfortable. my other coworker started talking about how, on our valentine’s day party, he was trying to hit on me but i fell asleep. he’s 38 and i’m 20. another coworker, who’s been dating yet another female coworker, for about two years, started rubbing his leg against mine after she went to bed and being really touchy and flirty. we hardly ever talk when sober. 

i don’t know. usually i like attention but i feel so gross after tonight. i have this horrible need for everyone to like me, but now i feel like my friend hates me and all my coworkers don’t truly like me all because *i have a body part that i didn’t ask to have*. if it were strangers on the street thinking i was hot i would honestly love the attention, but idk. i know this seems SO superficial to rant about but i’m just so upset. none of my coworkers ever talk to me but then wow, i wear a low cut top once and suddenly all of my close work friends hate me because i wore a shirt? i don’t know. fuck. it’s so stupid to be upset about but i’m actually freaking the fuck out. i don’t want anyone to be mad. fuck. maybe i’ll just quit my job so i don’t have to deal with any of them anymore lmao",1.7185318791946291,4.107359456375839,3.4848280201342274,86.66469169463087,81.9530201342282,7.304418344519018,23.853887024608497,8.344100000000001,1.7099470917225952,1755,65,354,40,48,585,210,447,0.17800000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.162,-0.9440000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,3,0,1,9,28,33,11,2,14,0,28,16,11,3,7,78,73,36,0,8,14,0,12,4,3,3,0,1,1,1,14,18,0,2,24,0,0,6,11,16,0,3,20,13,60,17,50,46,11,47,0,1,0,8,25,18,8,5,27,223,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.08109309053677999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056510485759372175,0.1742740691249616,0.0,0.0,0.08241233972537156,0.05810507804289083,0.0,0.0683837791100287,0.0,0.0776867821130943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131332504874213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349472373056709,0.09072309313870257,0.09230477211185678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718456047457234,0.08567189946499547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033644713970498,0.0,0.2382152996904962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100879316589885,0.05936627435519591,0.15957703615205734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568097618933897,0.3072964651500223,0.04341604062575703,0.0,0.09445468190346668,0.2090996656857484,0.1993867001726199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744407981853787,0.1640870349802464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246339649238367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267717076292306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239280420884006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500051152555108,0.07863072298458551,0.05546953812350331,0.0,0.08348458185666084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161720030143901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849821808497634,0.11262069614500987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998862254324874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454203063805073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835379144881151,0.0,0.08838650987604019,0.0,0.0,0.1064712902443662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608402988636024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565063188119603,0.0,0.0,0.08530040658663975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645468697945274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339610108236883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053246781722430025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564190819002208,0.0,0.08117610241913045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915223204243528,0.06856576145319604,0.09802843490571614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703403653470052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419896007365375,0.0,0.0,0.17709442695378902,0.0,0.0,0.05351333089657948
bpd,ijustsayyoudumbbitch,2019/08/07,"Unable to concentrate or think straight It feels like I've been druged or something. This combined with stress as well.

Can anyone relate to this?",3.377307692307692,6.558932500000001,1.9219230769230795,92.86057692307695,89.38461538461539,4.138461538461539,21.884615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.43603076923076944,119,4,20,1,4,33,23,26,0.092,0.693,0.215,0.4019,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253981664157278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353055190716562,0.3324610769450178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273567238377116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582652687935745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330808144697757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981908935261659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41842434425905184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Johndeere_94,2019/08/07,"BPD & avoiding confrontation? My girlfriend misinterpreted a text message I sent regarding us planning a date night this weekend.  She found my tone came across as very demanding... She has now taken offence & now won't meet me. I'm tired of harmless statements & actions  being turned on me to make me feel like I'm not treating her right & I don't know what to do.

Why is it that when someone with BPD is triggered, they withdraws & refuse to meet and discuss these minor problems? I feel like I'm walking through a field of landmines",5.0364320388349535,6.904793067961164,4.668143203883496,84.52609830097089,69.77669902912622,6.703398058252428,34.234223300970875,7.1686216300943375,2.29138932038835,438,22,79,4,8,133,75,103,0.163,0.7709999999999999,0.066,-0.8541,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,1,3,7,1,1,3,0,7,1,0,2,0,14,19,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,4,2,13,4,10,13,0,13,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,8,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7537356974631108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504583631696297,0.0,0.0,0.15912748921655406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406964698908988,0.1987887920641846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254870450394584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646212960997006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594363861981826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287025840593592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305639437670309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331284810974123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881613576297186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788427443532135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599093012054529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133332982330827,0.0,0.0,0.16735608465577226,0.0,0.0,0.11479670102498965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554305364632967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,letshuglonger,2019/08/07,"I got discharged from my acute mental health service today after almost four years with the service! I’m finally stable enough to manage my symptoms without the help and monitoring of my mental health specialist team. 

I’m so thankful. I’m so proud. I can’t believe I finally made it.",4.309622641509435,6.924277698113206,5.464754716981133,74.76279245283024,73.90566037735849,7.258867924528303,31.35471698113208,8.238735603445708,2.8901501886792462,230,11,35,4,5,76,38,53,0.040999999999999995,0.765,0.19399999999999998,0.8544,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,5,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,6,2,6,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,21,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936115463358096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355590153299136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160331946391693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580688873999879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672185676864569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44447971979588224,0.0,0.0,0.140140401444036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197834412158628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214023710928569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731182550856407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249069181348386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818124998264347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015434796723589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346392091886315
bpd,hughcalyptus23,2019/08/07,"What's the point. Like I get it. Theres more than me, people want to achieve things, and everyone has their life. I just dont care anymore. No one can stand me. I have a girlfriend but shes so much better than me and I really have nothing going for me. I have no ambitions. I dont want anything. I feel like I'm just surviving to die one day and I'll look back and just not have much noteworthy that I'll remember. Not that I dont do things all the time that are ""fun"" and ""memorable"" i just dont feel it.
I hate that I have to take meds just to tolerate myself. Every day is a battle to just f*cking put on a face for everyone I see but I'm burning up. I feel like a time fuse winding down until I split and do some stupid shit and have more to regret. 
I dont even know what to gain from this. 
I just fucking hate this, I actually convinced myself I could handle myself.",0.023717850776673544,2.100621374331549,2.270022918258213,94.64800356506241,86.59358288770053,5.7009421950598425,19.065189712248536,7.07126945348624,0.22104196587726044,675,19,157,10,21,228,97,187,0.13699999999999998,0.682,0.18100000000000002,0.6729999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,11,14,6,0,6,0,19,4,2,0,1,30,36,11,1,4,11,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,9,7,0,2,0,5,27,7,16,35,6,13,0,1,2,1,3,4,2,1,9,111,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.11057157153328977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237038638990722,0.0,0.0,0.09324224633110728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712631296624254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021109133345958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552433501311685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046665220301082,0.0,0.0,0.14614765841737265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759507945277528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6639765076611861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748383972756186,0.0,0.0954662798217176,0.2165399450245004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187471294987938,0.1618935030858943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475076499536,0.05919838311706459,0.0,0.0643951448120379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237349841510204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062270724055553985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003229073827023,0.16606865746711122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514958751954668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585885733139118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658779281568775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872140191469247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355990599814318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785530090673519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071120144294784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390512343804472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258755220432159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283550731039291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902912412198125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630830624756518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851929817894841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505526591654166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214078549758146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366315219615044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dead_Walgreens,2019/08/07,"Life is Going Well Yet I Wanna Destroy It? Hey! I got diagnosed with BPD back in December of last year and I’m doing so much better now and got a boyfriend and plenty of things, yet I wanna create issues and destroy everything and just explode into a giant mess and ruin everything for me since I don’t think i deserve it? How do I properly deal with these thoughts as they’re sorta killing me as of late",1.6209214092140911,4.0409826097561,3.5047967479674824,86.1628319783198,82.65853658536584,6.083468834688348,23.74525745257453,7.3871296695380915,1.293743631436314,322,12,61,5,9,108,58,82,0.204,0.7120000000000001,0.083,-0.9132,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,3,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,16,10,10,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,3,0,8,2,12,7,1,11,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261198443836295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853514683336293,0.0,0.0,0.28272588226054074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314299894796644,0.0,0.22784342612038794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034979837458022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757768985941495,0.0,0.3590758246402473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234299776611556,0.0,0.0,0.2483548975563504,0.0,0.0,0.1829819250092319,0.253224275028582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855752473805865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501931805758838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569295109526854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491351600697478,0.14383832050884968,0.0,0.17821278948933014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183532175155966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445583637547033
bpd,Bpd-acc785,2019/08/07,"Loving yourself again after everything you did? Hey guys recently diagnosed and boy is it a relief to finally know what’s going on. 

I’m 24 years old and for a while I was just too arrogant to ever consider something was wrong with me.

After years of lying, deceiving, pushing people away and being a total emotional tornado, I am full of regret for the things I’ve done.

I’ve really hurt so many peoples feelings, usually as a way to push them away or because I was so insecure that I took things way out of context. Also all the lies and manipulation has surely ruined my reputation at this point.

I find solace in my very small number of good friends and family who for whatever reason stood by me. But I am so ashamed to even show my face to them. I’m starting talk therapy regularly and I think that will help. I guess all I can do is rebuild and try to be a better person. Honestly the worst thing is that even though my guilt comes from a good place, the guilt and shame actually causes me to be more stand-offish at times. I need to work on that. Anyone relate? Thoughts, strategies, tips or tricks? 

TLDR: what tricks or strategies do you use to forgive yourself and live a happy normal life?",3.885227016037948,5.734905351931332,5.246708832166252,79.28832392139147,72.73390557939913,8.338739552744522,26.85543257284843,8.99025400887824,2.2869879828326183,949,34,174,20,19,317,152,233,0.187,0.677,0.13699999999999998,-0.9229,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,2,2,13,22,2,5,11,0,18,4,1,4,5,36,33,20,0,3,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,12,12,0,0,7,1,0,5,0,12,0,0,8,1,21,10,30,21,6,32,0,3,0,1,14,12,0,4,13,123,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.1251994888855318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259916612302576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970833426707786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410787482312865,0.0,0.0,0.0782087378186877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346838289110465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179649051660947,0.0,0.11051661472116152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021888328895528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129250474948162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431699957293462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947808479142187,0.11605209653602393,0.0,0.0,0.1153051851163805,0.0,0.12094711319973507,0.0,0.0648708823171418,0.0,0.0,0.14054323153310672,0.11726124979511547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912204207855624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729142138922178,0.215219086251807,0.0,0.0,0.14133374975522972,0.12703432659241332,0.0,0.13657467738498769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859948598521306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734472797600236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705087457488124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906200550089224,0.0,0.0,0.1132887136683471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579316618711875,0.0,0.0,0.13007314976490306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513069403611757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570394441734226,0.0,0.0,0.1346262529046089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789014751756593,0.11202410266037084,0.1340431910812523,0.0,0.12128225432730642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219042480278779,0.13191081442981453,0.12667793504856534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876939640820624,0.0,0.0,0.09080936684432683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091852387939862,0.0,0.0,0.10312037088747407,0.0,0.0,0.1467189459494382,0.0,0.2557047311052227,0.08220761858156239,0.1260512758941167,0.10185358792335003,0.07481108650178228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254282877940586,0.08710532759994973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080752500181898,0.14130115972765625,0.10585856615113176,0.0,0.20367257537278446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340183647978964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027276797268468,0.0,0.16523828682482772
bpd,yrbunny,2019/08/07,"i had a good day today! i didnt have any type of episode today or splitting or anything which is such a strange occurrence and it feels really good. I dont want to get my hopes up though because i feel like it will leave me disappointed eventually if not by tomorrow. reminds me that everything is not always bad. when youre in a clear headspace you can appreciate whats around you and take it all in and recognize that your disorder is just something you have to learn to accept and work around, even if it feels like youre missing out on your life because of the way you are sometimes. dont let your negative thoughts distract you from the fact that things around you are wonderful, and youre just having to experience life in a different manor. :) hope this came out right",6.329153789551139,6.617089715231793,6.191743929359824,80.55389992641648,65.75496688741721,10.154819720382637,33.334069168506254,9.994966539143718,3.0581914643119936,621,25,124,13,9,195,96,151,0.087,0.693,0.22,0.9737,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,12,0,1,9,11,0,1,6,0,15,2,0,0,3,32,27,11,0,5,8,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,11,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,3,19,7,18,21,1,18,0,2,0,0,12,11,0,7,7,88,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164513562520541,0.0,0.0,0.09517222530113882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516865135641804,0.37376111439676096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685415541207753,0.17062699900694536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006791560540765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025752478687303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622015435494976,0.16039722834514344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32804563136815673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243704032292667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577992085717585,0.13690000582575534,0.0,0.0,0.2122919563994381,0.19996361249769928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311919451042159,0.0,0.0,0.2347703584048132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780080217377414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481890635145369,0.0,0.1431105014966978,0.1977046103449849,0.13674705093898626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965689718530867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195183263778256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774196191434188,0.13841620275953706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522655988880288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297795471717912,0.0,0.1375022249858535,0.11110633242631507,0.0,0.0,0.2653164480733206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254737299986438,0.11108746057390737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517720795255746,0.1018867936293167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrGoldfish8,2019/08/07,"Brother's being dumb My brother's really annoying and selfish. As a result, he's been the target of the majority of my violent outbursts. A few years ago, I was introduced to basic CBT and that's helped me stop acting on my anger. Unfortunately, lately, I've been finding it a lot harder to control myself.

Yesterday, I agreed to go to the shops with him. Normally I wouldn't go with him since he's still an absolute prick but he promised he'd get me something so fine.

This morning, I was walking as I normally do. I like to walk alone because it gives me space to think without other people around me constantly. My brother, however, harassed me the entire time despite me telling him continually to leave me alone. As punishment for this, I'm not going to the shops with him.

As soon as I made this clear to him, he got quite annoyed and was being a cunt because of it. I hit him a few times and now I'm in my bedroom literally trembling with rage. Why is he such an asshole? Why can't he accept the consequences of his actions? Even I can.

I can't deal with his shit much longer.",3.1919444444444447,4.980778009259262,4.823333333333334,81.855,74.46296296296295,7.7629629629629635,29.12962962962963,8.515128840125781,2.2733907407407403,854,37,166,16,18,288,125,216,0.237,0.6990000000000001,0.064,-0.9896,1,2,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,7,17,11,1,13,0,14,2,2,3,1,25,25,11,0,3,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,2,3,2,2,7,5,13,0,0,7,0,32,4,28,13,5,23,0,0,0,0,22,4,4,1,13,110,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238180018774702,0.0,0.0,0.3327121088330307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298772278309202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958274825300616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357542795689632,0.1801513430240408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559433211502214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608938212780557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680568940353902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391841777055996,0.15408335427851505,0.273855722750706,0.0,0.1284641664065265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766160780147704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118872490530571,0.17007561180489333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847184468063505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655516544328805,0.0,0.15198451461524912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807572484992875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147511092227977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135513986949402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708413746199348,0.0,0.0,0.10289863016661796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487627735656615,0.13286826086897618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365473979693285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827301647257802,0.13428726770674285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039079502743992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292015598653603,0.0,0.0,0.187320076293088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898729239995853,0.0,0.0,0.15483397250075376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343536613997877
bpd,riessk4,2019/08/07,What is your experience with journaling? I’m sort of interested in making a “therapy journal” to help cope with my bpd and sh. Has this helped any of you? What writing prompts do you use? I found a few on Pinterest to try out but I would love to know what helped you guys out. Maybe dbt or cbt prompts. I’m also worried about family members being nosy and reading my journal so that worries me a little bit :(,2.9631216931216926,4.8713115555555575,4.364832451499119,84.37888888888891,75.41975308641976,7.591534391534393,28.855379188712522,8.418075326091056,2.1511008818342154,320,14,64,6,7,106,61,81,0.122,0.773,0.105,-0.3688,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,0,15,12,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,2,12,9,2,5,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,2,0,41,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436169994542196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976696593991578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438475440954556,0.0,0.2588569474173141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010470848073536,0.1937547241384304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253522593851988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350631159238136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413285854631106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295352340776492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599434430023775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549820973940992,0.0,0.13719239786086526,0.0,0.20648179806051026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558491038072002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350406565832523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954089745196852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751131772557832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174499437579277,0.0,0.1460021115703237,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ModestMouser1,2019/08/07,"If someone with BPD says they don't understand if they have real feelings for you, is that common? My friend with BPD said they had feelings for me but they couldn't discern whether or not they were real or if the bpd is making them think they have feelings for me when they may not. This had me a little confused. Is this normal of people who have bpd? They even confessed they don't know if they actually had feelings for any of their previous partners because they couldn't distinguish if the feelings were genuine or if the bpd just made them emotionally attracted to that person.

My friend in question didn't feel anything for me the first few months but as we talked more, they said they did but didn't want to tell me because they don't know if it's real.",7.193200000000001,6.650198820000004,6.511833333333333,81.77175000000003,64.13333333333333,9.1,33.416666666666664,8.07648339933343,2.3202666666666665,613,22,120,6,8,188,76,150,0.026000000000000002,0.905,0.07,0.8232,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,17,1,3,4,0,1,5,0,20,0,0,2,0,45,35,16,0,11,17,0,6,0,3,1,0,3,0,2,6,3,0,0,14,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,11,9,26,3,13,21,2,6,1,0,0,0,31,2,0,13,4,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.10598270066788172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385504556785569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937256607169992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240905891283838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6839202496275234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216587705888515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173250182609499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294833563880558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237925913437353,0.0,0.0,0.16781572846204798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937280833464672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885062563034258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276456751385953,0.07249460362424531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866873825250241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640972764781613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752929521675476,0.09482959591550016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166232585042598,0.0,0.0,0.3708484050243146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661623054137354,0.08636696310392669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202056606072877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729249214843297,0.09492545586268718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958962460873075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130615147495162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405797463620737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zhdlfrufghs,2019/08/07,"Narc mum got me to spiral down - yet again so... I was having a decent uni semester. Not too lonely, no break downs and no burn outs. BUT, when there's good, BAAAD always follows. 
I had to do some printing for my parents and me, who had spent the entire day at uni studying, found some time to lie down to chill for a while before I got back to studying at home. 
Mum comes in and asks me to print something for my dad. I say yes and she leaves, comes back 30 minutes later, asks me again. I agree and I tell her that I will make sure to complete it before I go to bed. 30 Minutes later she sends me a text saying a bunch of stuff and ending it with 'you ungrateful little bitch'. 
That line has hinged on me for the past 2 days. I had a full blown anxiety attack last night and the night before, I managed to convince myself that everyone actually hated me and that I am trash. Messaged my bestfriend asking if she was only pretending to like me. My head feels like it's clouded and I was so close to cutting last night but I managed to convince myself to watch cat videos to calm down. I don't know what to do. 
Mum won't talk to me and me being me thought she was feeling sorry for what she said but turns out, she was angry at me for not apologising and is giving me the silent treatment. Gave me a bunch of shit for not studying when the only reason why I can't is because she triggered me into this state. I feel so helpless and worthless. I did totally split on mum but I kind of feel like it was reasonable splitting with good reasons. I almost killed myself this morning but drageed my ass out cause I have assignments to hand up by Friday. 

I was doing so good. I feel so stupid for letting a single sentence to spiral down.",2.9398229548229544,4.437016965811972,3.922860195360197,89.26509615384617,74.49857549857549,6.153886853886855,24.216625966625966,6.5431188927421005,0.6880369556369557,1349,41,279,10,28,435,184,351,0.128,0.752,0.12,-0.8958,1,2,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,0,14,21,7,0,12,1,26,4,4,6,2,49,50,26,1,1,9,6,6,3,0,2,0,3,2,0,14,21,0,0,11,2,1,5,8,10,0,0,18,10,54,11,48,28,7,46,0,3,1,1,28,19,3,4,23,199,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.09818922697611784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075498103778413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372272517152042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697294401809432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821943903526697,0.114468169031022,0.0,0.15473896591691394,0.0,0.06133615702070362,0.0,0.2568570211126116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336300600893752,0.0,0.1733480074732527,0.10549667462552206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978132991490632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911820332951906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614537225332567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25437890540441915,0.1437638780025284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103230877154683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652251757720363,0.057183862021944136,0.2531822920885752,0.1609477521835562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934002400738537,0.10326369921911854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092864718201837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131955916419456,0.10477877525648456,0.05529734427639167,0.16403515636265384,0.0,0.10654055596569068,0.0,0.10288932281761333,0.0,0.1474714782067474,0.100846258107755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716368845997807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28327118478377583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304993965362726,0.0,0.0,0.11172503399108333,0.0,0.096051826981494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103579977989125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957113181195098,0.16003187859921048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328353412171336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746110442260952,0.0,0.11263427092035096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518420988007153,0.0,0.0,0.09483182792915892,0.0,0.0,0.08087340925320452,0.08794508040251793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987991925495401,0.05867150751365693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944412982503487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079262498183664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MonochromeCyanide,2019/08/07,"I need advice on how to approach the topic of BPD with my therapist. I'm undiagnosed currently but have been reading a lot of stuff about BPD here and in other places and a lot of it resonates with me. To be clear I'm not looking for a diagnoses here but any advice on how to bring this topic up with my therapist would be helpful. 

Part of me feels like I shouldn't bring it up and if I really have BPD then she will just be able to tell based on the issues I talk about with her? But at the same time I feel like mentioning it could help get us there faster and be able to help me more if I do have it and rule it out if I don't.

The problem is I don't really even know how to bring up something like this? Even if I did what would the next step be? Would she do a screening for it like with questions and stuff or is it something else? 

I'm sorry if this breaks any rules that I overlooked, I don't really know where else to post this though.",4.9203269144648445,3.971954413793106,5.558011643528887,88.08393193013883,68.90147783251231,9.155217196596508,26.828929690998656,8.296473431620573,1.3195655172413792,738,17,176,9,11,240,98,203,0.013000000000000001,0.835,0.152,0.9841,1,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,9,0,23,1,0,3,1,42,36,20,0,12,11,0,2,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,16,12,0,0,5,1,0,5,5,1,0,0,2,4,20,4,29,23,5,23,0,0,2,0,11,11,0,9,9,130,36,1,0.22095487476215173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591454638195376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025689170376905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174273948062821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820724411789209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213227341000456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845794455535098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459386109053471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172142363089883,0.15785020667895275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771990124353948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215209253630572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530974168650394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143102070009708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589478189392705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277322294649994,0.0,0.0,0.1878479331016869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191761996354166,0.0,0.0,0.11749400799397505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963629873602505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542540813930713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580684622671738,0.0,0.0,0.10571198726986833,0.0,0.0,0.12376001381612092,0.0,0.11050733414462327,0.0,0.21232402596833602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010185747039755,0.0,0.12367044622709655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529404686120305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879757935595857,0.0965621497612246,0.0,0.0,0.2565456396943427,0.0,0.0,0.10854352130231976,0.0,0.06442028217292241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289075444134907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544000528895956,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Photon-X,2019/08/07,"BPD with hypersexual characteristics? For the longest time of my life, even to today, I struggle with my hypersexuality. I literally want to have sex at every chance I can get. I’ve done a very good job at suppressing my sexual nature by defaulting to masturbating— but it cost me a lot of trouble in many aspects of my life:

I’d become so horny while i’m at work, driving, or hell even at church haha. I’d stop whatever productive thing I’m doing to go to the bathroom to masturbate or patiently wait until my full blown erection settles down.

Before I met the love of my life, I used to be super flirty— because it satisfied some sort of sexual attention from them. I would love the sexual attention, but then I would cut things off when I notice that they are seriously into me. I would feel gross and disgusted in myself for being this way.

The furthest thing i’ve done while being hypersexual was kiss a girl that I didn’t find attractive— yet I did it anyways for the thrill. I completely regretted my actions and wanted to throw up after it happened.

My question is: Can a borderline PD have hypersexual characteristics? Or is hypersexuality exclusive to bipolar disorder?

I’m just afraid that I’d go back to my old ways and fly too dangerous to the sun with my risky hypersexual behavior. I don’t ever want to cheat.",7.406357427433129,7.356727031872512,8.843577120091066,63.591284860557785,63.54183266932271,12.271030165054073,35.45845190665908,11.765960540728905,4.440027660785429,1059,44,186,32,14,371,149,251,0.162,0.6990000000000001,0.139,-0.8217,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,2,10,18,5,2,11,1,20,8,0,1,1,33,36,14,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,11,7,0,3,5,0,1,5,2,11,0,0,6,1,28,7,37,24,3,31,2,1,0,4,7,11,1,7,13,131,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684069475327633,0.0,0.08470003131734405,0.15345464954244364,0.1182325879169681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499729108459147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568196115777565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592438517130086,0.0,0.0,0.2843794587196736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354469704799276,0.12568437344984115,0.1170677756743236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025513922221545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699388593871366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725934125428718,0.0,0.15793212810742172,0.11654109153301315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286925590383894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378822037886748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944244483920489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812669641827273,0.2508079039741227,0.0,0.0,0.14086916840640218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819064192138782,0.14580017725886868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556510240957969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616485728488728,0.0,0.1452562521343709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769281200115501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102037632004093,0.0,0.13170431169513802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200045046067582,0.0,0.11464478417995325,0.2458613860272509,0.2205773164700899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115415100133852,0.0,0.0,0.29610919396627305,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,greycat97,2019/08/07,"I think my mom has BPD More and more recently my mom 52, has been hearing commnets twords her in public that i think arent real and shes very paranoid about people, saying they look weird, taller, shorter than the last time she saw them. And she gets angry really easily. I talked to her a bit about BPD but she doesnt understant much about mental ilness and just gets really offended and angry when i bring it up. I dont know what to do anymore.",3.4722380952380973,4.960045366666666,4.502063492063492,85.685,73.1111111111111,7.80952380952381,21.746031746031747,8.418075326091056,1.1379365079365082,353,8,71,6,7,115,63,90,0.142,0.8370000000000001,0.021,-0.8654,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,17,7,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,4,15,0,8,15,4,8,0,0,2,0,14,3,0,0,4,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831998117491548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167433226258166,0.0,0.4653150536834884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216498981835513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930247459552146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820105613985007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152127523062147,0.15057737830368803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551243800222112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616163741105474,0.0,0.0,0.4327006863544104,0.0,0.0,0.13579579666855318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806662801295718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026007246008746,0.23668203565700385,0.0,0.18239589107892767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690253759510194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847678034220813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367315482196992,0.0,0.0,0.10771595526753776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241934196409973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beingblonde900,2019/08/07,"My boyfriend of over 2 years won’t answer my calls at all and he promised to talk tonight. I don’t feel like I’m functioning right now. I’m scared, and every other time in our relationship that he’s done things like this and let me down I’ve attempted suicide or cut myself or eaten until I blacked out because I felt abandoned. I’m scared. Please help. I need something. What if he never talks to me again?",2.1435240963855406,4.300081349397594,2.8152861445783164,93.3573870481928,78.87951807228916,5.595783132530121,23.62801204819277,6.6274283507984215,0.5595795180722893,324,11,69,3,8,101,63,83,0.17300000000000001,0.6859999999999999,0.141,-0.5994,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,0,1,2,7,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,14,11,7,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,3,10,3,9,6,1,13,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,3,9,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264737674885516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221946602077909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226810817760563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833379882333366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002546015640252,0.1554539949563592,0.20893081166513774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585317307786685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251147496273269,0.0,0.21261743675700756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134817367137885,0.16782708680250244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388602418491019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336217341401904,0.0,0.1858298224747742,0.0,0.0,0.43571255484394783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751966215066313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380198652285521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497984258307256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456424669586582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268847273714974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012772675479096
bpd,princesskosmonopolis,2019/08/07,"When do I actually need help and when a I just acting out? I have been diagnosed with BPD for around 3 years now, and have been doing work for the same amount of time, but only have actively started to try and make changes since January.  

After my ex was especially fond of using the disorder against me, I am now never entirely sure of when I am actually in trouble of harming myself, and when I am just acting out for attention.  My ex used to act like I was always acting out, so now I'm so conditioned to think I'm being manipulative, even though I'm not sure if that is true.

I am in a great and healthy relationship now and have only really relapsed in the past month, but I am doing things like having suicidial ideations and snorting drugs, but a part of me is still like, ""is this just because I want him (my new bf) to pay attention to me?""

Not looking for real answers, mostly just looking for others in similar boats <3",12.640942028985505,6.625974543478261,12.274347826086956,61.68224637681161,59.0,15.744927536231884,45.88405797101449,12.45797560212912,5.3851840579710135,732,28,142,16,6,248,104,184,0.094,0.741,0.165,0.9373,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,18,10,0,0,6,0,21,2,0,4,4,39,33,18,0,3,10,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,4,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,4,3,18,8,26,28,4,29,0,0,2,0,6,8,0,2,20,109,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.3018156615398766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867414512647984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376637519859294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426804435490696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947655997450949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359023920698776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695790276257995,0.0,0.0,0.17723259652979834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933508506635795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213927535399342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704928381791796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365296115158147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665012814521265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25971988372990035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322442536866548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234333978048902,0.0,0.0,0.1146647386855922,0.11926908507664602,0.1493537580557709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522371143849105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746171260814374,0.14762284313321095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176015922076708,0.09906732709099553,0.0,0.0,0.1660271355225864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792107570532898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094560743502568,0.0,0.1234969295437727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29149563310480475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273696437632122,0.0990880514236642,0.15193452289853862,0.0,0.09017272260470714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499145127206892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26712126990068863,0.0,0.0,0.091211583918387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258087919177108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958407836502448
bpd,Scopirio,2019/08/07,"Should I go to a psychiatric hospital? My mental health has been seriously declining recently. I have bpd, bipolar, panic, depression, anxiety, and a few more. There’s a program for minors that I think could be really beneficial for me, but I’m kind of scared to bring it up to my parents. Have any of you gone to one? What was it like? Did it help you? How did you bring it up to family members? All advice greatly appreciated!",1.854634146341468,4.5406281219512215,4.444585365853662,77.80224390243905,84.85365853658536,8.645853658536586,25.27317073170732,9.120678840339163,2.8337229268292683,334,14,62,11,10,117,61,82,0.126,0.71,0.16399999999999998,0.7614,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,10,2,0,1,1,7,16,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,1,5,0,9,3,11,8,3,7,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357573909053678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406570723107042,0.0,0.1845639529361132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038596986354759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926272229514332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077976875646368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274393354063223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711414775095904,0.0,0.0,0.2659910297117917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564490892857281,0.0,0.0,0.1617121174345751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512361348761124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786790501681972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243134274695902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163484651685392,0.0,0.0,0.28306772161541444,0.267891714138784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455793114333136,0.0,0.2382160648225713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415442816558631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154590263801087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smoshess,2019/08/07,"Suicide Attempt Advice My ex has asked for NC a couple of months ago. And I've been trying really hard to stick through with it. Though throughout it all, I started engaging in self-harm behaviours (cutting/burning); cause I felt like I deserved to be 'punished'. 

Last night I tried overdosing on pills. I, impulsively, called her up to assure her this wasn't her fault. I really worried her. She managed to talk me into getting home safe, but now I feel terrible for breaking our NC promise and for sending her down this turmoil with me--and now more do than ever, feel like taking my own life. There's no winning with my thoughts. I'm not sure what to do now

What can I do?",4.139770992366415,5.684450801526723,4.741900763358782,84.39804198473283,71.51908396946564,7.377404580152671,30.657251908396944,7.908726449838941,2.10532,529,23,101,7,10,169,94,131,0.136,0.7240000000000001,0.14,-0.1329,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,2,6,12,1,1,1,0,8,2,0,1,4,18,17,4,1,0,2,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,4,19,8,19,12,3,16,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,11,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191871540081853,0.17409575972038868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836064436744508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005452182215732,0.0,0.0,0.20175575337005305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731162843734256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765403369256547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861035270928687,0.1403074012345022,0.18857372710672507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261031028568134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759348224670661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700409300274868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160091302628428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387223392451158,0.19190114745453515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676371463020622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843070472400169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516363070198955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488686794015135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390121402240658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482850113810129,0.0,0.18510362291178264,0.0,0.14766751784917378,0.157857982672002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929609053442052,0.15591877510826962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666838991476543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994525990823822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whytehlongface,2019/08/07,"Got pissed at my psychiatrist today. Hello everyone. I'm new here and have just recently been diagnosed with BPD which explains a lot in my life.

I attend this mental health program for adults that is run by the county and honestly I'm beginning to not like the place. The receptionists are incredibly rude and my clinician/therapist keeps telling my she's going to put me in group therapy but it's been over 2 months and keeps trying to give me the run around.

My psychiatrist is also incredibly condescending. I met with him for the second time today, and he was talking down to me, treating me like an idiot and I kid you not he gave me the Russell Westbrook ""what"" face multiple times and the ""I can't believe this guy"" smirk with head shake. I went there today to check in with him because I had a few questions about medication he prescribed me that I hadn't taken yet and it basically led him to give a ""then what the hell are you even doing here?"" attitude. 

That's about when I've had it, so I sort of snapped at him so then he asks, ""You seem irritated. Is there some reason why?"" and I say, ""Yeah I am irritated, because you're being condescending"". He denies it so I reply back with, ""Come on man, you know what you're doing."" He replies, ""I am only trying to remain professional as it is in my best interest"" or something along those lines. Sure, that side eye you keep giving me is real indicative of good beside manner.

But he does apologize and I accept. Now, all of a sudden all of my ""stupid"" questions are good ones and me checking in with him is a good thing when it wasn't only 5 minutes ago. WTF is wrong with people man?

I honestly felt really bad about it after but why do you have to disrespect people who come to you in need of help?

​

Russell Westbrook face:

[https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/russell-westbrook.jpg&imgrefurl=https://larrybrownsports.com/basketball/russell-westbrook-what-utah-jazz-fan-shane-keisel-said/487550&h=327&w=409&tbnid=\_uHLcD46rZGnOM&q=russell+westbrook+face&tbnh=100&tbnw=125&usg=AI4\_-kSH49-8ZufyRj3LGIrM8Y1YUMkP0Q&vet=1&docid=FxoScFpOwjCcFM&itg=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjLgK2Pqu\_jAhUTup4KHWbXC20Q\_h0wEnoECAoQBg](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/russell-westbrook.jpg&imgrefurl=https://larrybrownsports.com/basketball/russell-westbrook-what-utah-jazz-fan-shane-keisel-said/487550&h=327&w=409&tbnid=_uHLcD46rZGnOM&q=russell+westbrook+face&tbnh=100&tbnw=125&usg=AI4_-kSH49-8ZufyRj3LGIrM8Y1YUMkP0Q&vet=1&docid=FxoScFpOwjCcFM&itg=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjLgK2Pqu_jAhUTup4KHWbXC20Q_h0wEnoECAoQBg)",16.558476274683162,21.623738051282054,10.141740838982221,43.90897435897437,45.98005698005697,8.146222615188133,26.063562235976033,8.841846274778883,2.024024187051773,2380,49,272,29,29,625,189,351,0.138,0.748,0.114,-0.9025,0,0,1,0,0,0,216.0,0,7,0,1,19,20,5,1,14,1,26,9,5,2,3,49,49,24,0,1,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,5,20,22,0,3,8,0,2,10,5,8,0,2,13,3,42,12,42,35,6,43,1,0,1,0,42,14,2,7,21,186,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028732830722907683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02592126153146993,0.0,0.9482475874209204,0.03938625011136242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02885510668332028,0.030302477637628805,0.0,0.0,0.024924170437125404,0.027064124577915204,0.03951823827911986,0.0,0.0,0.03651919274305045,0.0340162274005908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040823979281488634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584314535899552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03289927060441712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02836548817638725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0214089739991813,0.0,0.0,0.030972724039909364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03112227999376585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328265824419704,0.018421479229133304,0.08156133863613926,0.02592423429434781,0.0,0.0,0.03209470532272783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03326585548836262,0.034454297015270245,0.0,0.0,0.02172625116578718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643248218679582,0.0,0.0,0.01781374749790203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022894787888098636,0.031671438719694245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02755700832442701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265343970901058,0.032665432886881805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025872343376990462,0.0,0.0,0.02403438247074643,0.0,0.031305398553241236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021964393643568968,0.049304229981309435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04494322139173548,0.0,0.03386546639534686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032584768178261066,0.07262162909433513,0.0,0.0,0.036893940025734005,0.020765076142441902,0.033326730117517474,0.032004664450420835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166579158486773,0.025776712374579062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029508257627600232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024953685808056132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03054957267117356,0.0,0.0,0.026052941792833004,0.02833104331634233,0.0,0.037067944246415005,0.037634858217074345,0.021534253023281137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03780143273953794,0.0,0.09217332551723917,0.0,0.0,0.04401361264077447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03004786793757015,0.058496729536020614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543934362978357,0.03938625011136242,0.0
bpd,NocturnalNympho,2019/08/07,"Had some random on Facebook tell me mental illness is fake and we just need to ""be more accepting of people who think differently"" yeah I got real pissed at that one",1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.3862500000000004,85.03375000000003,85.25,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8407249999999995,132,4,24,2,4,43,32,32,0.243,0.633,0.124,-0.7102,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,9,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,4,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,2,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034404270242452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088362649990056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891443879428208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863223973963716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26166255168148617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677050452879381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395187340645679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375086608923246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24742679189939465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clearlycold,2019/08/07,"How do I speak about emotional subjects with my partner who has BPD? Just recently found out my partner of 6 months has BPD. Which makes so much sense now that I've educated myself on the subject. The problem is that I am an emotional, communicative, open person. When there are problems I need to discuss them and understand. I don't argue, I'm calm, but I do need to talk about things. He is the least emotional person I know, he doesn't like talking about feelings, and he does have a hard time understanding my point of view sometimes. He's recently gone through one of his ""episodes"" and is kind of on the tail end of it. Warming back up again and somewhat talking to me how he regularly does. The thing is I'm currently an emotional wreck due to the arguments we've had over the last two weeks. I'm not looking to argue with him anymore, we are on good terms in that regard, but I need to know how can I approach him (via text because he's working out of town) about how I'm not doing okay? That I need him, and I need him to make me feel a little more secure after what we just dealt with. Any kind of advice would be extremely appreciated.",5.950312395028554,5.705182082969436,6.42934497816594,80.34228417870341,66.59825327510917,9.666241182398393,32.89922741014444,9.265573868473778,2.678370910312396,903,35,185,15,13,294,131,229,0.081,0.812,0.106,0.6955,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,1,1,16,12,2,0,11,1,19,0,0,6,0,41,39,13,0,8,6,0,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,10,13,0,1,7,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,3,7,24,8,31,34,5,29,0,0,2,0,26,12,0,1,16,122,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287583119904717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159222426851009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044068658909541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095180203328739,0.0,0.06417610989191566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26518633367099104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842578784497582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736915021099418,0.09324450516707132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646280680355508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543120640006024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830166625469647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430784830106792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192603684945812,0.11571538274936073,0.08581511079438732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143320705123899,0.10551558586116212,0.0,0.0,0.08840647917025568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054692894760346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403139532666919,0.0,0.07739098307995024,0.39030919337361375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133867305637237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384828405087364,0.0,0.0,0.09952114685309063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147245732767827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789741165251535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412201457937084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25385389556517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398832183460569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138808325487111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284069675812492,0.2191949177703239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444715899313028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664318194125658,0.0,0.0,0.07478602576027947,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LizMoustache,2019/04/07,"FP leaving Yesterday my FP and partner of 3 years decided that he doesn’t love me or want to be with me anymore. He said all my episodes over time and my obsessive tendencies just drained all his love for me.
I feel so lost, alone, unloveable. 
I knew it was coming for a while just I love him so much and I thought giving him everything would help but it hasn’t. 
Any advice on coping with breakups? 
I feel like the world is ending ",0.8773040752351093,3.369419091954022,1.8715569487983323,95.73141065830723,87.9655172413793,5.462486938349008,22.85161964472309,6.980632752743323,0.7537218390804599,339,13,73,5,11,106,64,87,0.076,0.748,0.17600000000000002,0.8366,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,2,19,18,8,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,3,14,4,8,11,3,9,0,1,0,3,12,3,0,1,6,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20704401193437216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944094849688406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408380630410828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101253145234107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251350356495014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766036896725025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042162454842312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142630235448943,0.15136516100061972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325197979149706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201686506403574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434743178754105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351252972076486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312890643304154,0.0,0.5736825137924596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557541692510419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154379915219509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820688210052276,0.12354733754187627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497070090135967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505115305467294,0.0,0.0,0.1364420124863579
bpd,lildogidiot,2019/04/07,"help with being dependent Does anyone have any tips on how to not be so dependent on someone so I can make a healthy change and not absolutely NEED to speak to someone on the daily!!!

or should I move my dependency onto a friend instead of my gf 😔",5.272333333333336,5.355378100000003,6.722000000000001,76.55433333333336,68.0,9.866666666666667,32.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.9842666666666675,195,8,39,4,3,67,39,50,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.867,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,5,0,12,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,9,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,0,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821631645749316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346560412679601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550153359025831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936817142345188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25928010130365586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249424598857989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401247301338104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35668470034595445,0.0,0.2488396674396977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686976282593514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DepressedandAvoidant,2019/04/07,"Any tips for getting out of the mindset ""I don't want to put in effort because I will eventually just kms""? I have uni starting after the summer and I just can't be motivated to even take care of myself, let alone become a good enough person to accomplish the things others expect of me.

If I had it my way I'd just never leave bed. But society says that makes me a burden. If the only way I can enjoy life is to be a burden, then why would I want to continue living?

I acknowledge that I have friends who love me, but being grateful really just leads to guilt as I don't feel worthy of what I have. Does anyone have any advice?",3.5815299145299164,4.35859077692308,5.383333333333333,82.1938888888889,72.0,7.931623931623932,23.67521367521368,8.167268648758528,1.2638803418803422,491,12,100,7,9,169,87,130,0.11599999999999999,0.7440000000000001,0.14,0.6361,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,0,1,7,0,16,2,0,3,1,20,25,7,0,6,8,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,2,16,5,15,18,1,12,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,6,74,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972275158261848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108256292833585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26405956815768505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357553523881158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835304767555073,0.21442525074501076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795055320369787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169903422858505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061056104432656,0.0,0.12823533794766942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816891106764764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500010881011576,0.0,0.10143622714172612,0.0,0.0,0.16284519790423066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557857081477807,0.0,0.1985332228203955,0.13713505664413475,0.0,0.0,0.171439469602179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522945006500792,0.0,0.1295977382424934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974172646619482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766108348173546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952573756797815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517603970398395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437852261098326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543971898261179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374215416751694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597788312208132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898573345909425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903135445163025,0.3082170956291472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519167151989334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791976620549745,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,haydnwschoonover,2019/04/07,"Will my Managers Fire Me? (Or do I need to check the facts?) Hi, all! I work at a museum gift shop, and we’ve just come off of an intense exhibit. It’s been really slow for the past two weeks, and my managers have let me go home early twice in the past week. We’re almost always over staffed, but things always could get done with more people. We have our employee reviews coming up, and I’m terrified of what they’ll say about me.

I always feel like they hate me, and this is their way of letting me go. ",2.5819285714285733,3.728375038095237,3.801130952380955,91.18741071428572,74.80952380952381,7.154761904761906,21.69642857142857,7.645422480735847,0.6120714285714288,389,9,88,5,8,127,81,105,0.11800000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.8608,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,3,1,2,2,1,0,5,0,11,0,0,0,2,17,20,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,0,2,2,3,15,1,12,13,2,16,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,7,57,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785073624121876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449940645234405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071202562368034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423306672312915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824277182320878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013650142023964,0.12735306189356044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313647805997853,0.0,0.20262502710911548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600048637666593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881504631057396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645775414251856,0.0,0.08709162344321499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218176833443598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403495909131953,0.12358700052802207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142015813157664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176405104924594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843181940884183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413969982026853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149902640141648,0.2859880063303126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297795631228665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,selfdestruct1234,2019/04/07,"Can BPD stem from drug use or does it only surface during childhood? Is BPD something that is genetic/childhood trauma or can drug use kickstart it?  

​

Looking back I probably had some BPD symptoms around the time I was doing some weed/ecstacy. Weed was the worst though bc I would get super paranoid and felt like I was losing a part of identity.

​

Since then have used more psychedelic type drugs like ayahuasca, mushrooms, acid, and 2ci.

​

During 2ci, I experienced an ego death and still haven't come to grips with that experience and probably worsens my nihilistic viewpoints (whats the point?).",9.561314984709476,9.919937073394497,7.950045871559634,70.42152140672785,59.0,10.569418960244649,40.18501529051988,10.125756701596842,4.275952905198777,507,24,78,9,6,152,79,109,0.161,0.763,0.075,-0.879,0,0,4,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,5,0,12,4,0,3,0,16,19,8,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,5,6,3,5,13,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,7,48,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420812252082511,0.38363294099135387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368556631008942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092276517421616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976368197136256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906546067375714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209589320295664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661336138526948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294453392515553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104653079527676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498335339326937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028295166215766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837476836935719,0.1177362059955104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003946680869377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396424370705033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994854492967275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22693220162195865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705529413199843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101859445916196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840444896710945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938425185477066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339738394793788,0.0,0.061366063768246326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27267970416795817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747592005230895,0.0,0.38363294099135387,0.0
bpd,xenio99,2019/04/07,"My Girlfriend has BPD So me and my Girlfriend met in the psychiatry 4 Months ago. She has been diagnosed with BPD and i read some stuff about it online and it looks tough, but I'm willing to give everything I have to try it.

We've had some really good weeks, but now suddently she behaves very cold (e.g. hurting my feelings without feeling sorry) and keeps avoiding me. I know that she's depressed and doesen't feel a lot at the moment. She feels uncomfortable around people (including me).

She also started talking about killing herself on Tumblr again. I know that this is just part of the disorder and she won't do it, but still I keep texting her, asking if she's ok. I want her to know that I'm always there for her.

We text each other every day, but for a week now I've been suffering from a depressive episode again (part of my disorder) which makes it extremely hard for me to motivate her and build her up, as her reactions hurt a lot.

My question now is: What can I do to help her?",4.876369701726844,5.666180647959187,5.4614285714285735,82.76049450549452,69.05102040816327,8.887912087912088,30.89324960753532,9.057496981413335,2.4767288854003144,781,31,156,14,13,252,121,196,0.191,0.737,0.071,-0.98,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,13,10,1,1,7,1,13,1,0,2,0,36,31,15,1,2,7,0,5,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,13,11,0,3,9,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,4,7,32,2,21,25,7,18,0,5,1,0,24,5,0,6,13,115,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273813621450356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170646747508834,0.10582464262585947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321790669078195,0.11889691219404612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203596179881566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202111690474201,0.0,0.2190813329506056,0.1290858699766582,0.0,0.0,0.29152050974938776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715533840926908,0.0,0.11430193346489885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25722580530751354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220034453851058,0.0,0.10667325000302892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392904693383947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524663257095062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722994276974185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260883387857756,0.14070675006917213,0.0,0.20968578187892709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679986974667838,0.0,0.0,0.21624919508307108,0.0,0.0,0.08489419466639021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151452879642998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754489003653661,0.0,0.08817117714650495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247164144584126,0.0,0.12721525153334873,0.0,0.08147529929185653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236853187890464,0.09001924932129766,0.0,0.1015667787923871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559162786123628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222313732169956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634743831960819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493750799396903,0.07501455138492713,0.0,0.20403358816211686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259778608927058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,himynameisntbill,2019/04/07,"Perks of dissociating with bpd ?? Anyone else feel this or is it just me? - people think you are just ignoring them
- is this real life or just a dream?
- is this really blood, paint or ketchup? 
- sudden movements provide instant fear
- colored dots and room spinning 
- unable to remember certain things
- BRAIN FOG 
- slight gestures that remind you of trauma bring it on
- forgetting how to speak
- why does my voice feel so foreign 
- brain replaces other people’s words with things that cause you to want to cry ex “you’re so fit” turns to “you’re so fat”
",4.284355555555557,6.702103080000002,4.083333333333332,85.57722222222223,73.2,6.4444444444444455,25.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,1.2481777777777774,428,14,77,5,9,130,73,100,0.11599999999999999,0.8059999999999999,0.078,-0.7285,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,4,5,4,2,1,21,10,8,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,10,3,1,1,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,1,10,10,0,6,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,3,1,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256174488145598,0.2089051737863296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25678712309743346,0.4552081328070317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094469573067924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239590607278685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842190379935793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170320487094293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294282938249818,0.20618164969150016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401062363797165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826975891874388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320667628604583,0.13061451277814706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23096295200701114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709054325043706,0.13064183660623102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217692854729966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202571719965789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397529041191074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flamboyantblues,2019/04/07,"Something odd’s happening to me... So for a week now, i have been very anxious and depressed due to a fear i developed of being seen sexually. Let me explain. So a year ago, I started identifying as non binary, and I did it way too fastly, without thinking much about it, but now i have came to a conclusion that in reality I don’t truly feel that way and that i’m comfortable with being a girl and using she/her pronouns plus being called by my original name. The problem is that a week ago, I suddenly started feeling very uncomfortable with myself and most specifically with my chest. I thought it was dysphoria but now I think i might feel that way due to the fact that i’m scared of being seen in a sexual way due to my chest. I don’t like the idea of how that certain part of a woman’s body is extremely sexualised and it just makes me extremely uncomfortable. It probably is sexual aversion of some kind but I really don’t know and I’m still quite confused.",4.721021634615383,5.623421911458332,6.333541666666665,75.9598557692308,69.46875,10.282692307692308,31.43589743589744,10.389873798559362,3.3518633012820525,765,32,148,21,13,263,105,192,0.14300000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.5923,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,10,9,0,3,11,0,17,3,3,4,2,39,36,15,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,12,0,0,10,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,5,19,4,21,23,4,24,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,4,18,103,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25610488371440465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319532686153834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045919582698026,0.0,0.0,0.14750677981647872,0.16522035956113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442062904197065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255432121131136,0.219125445818362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774287535103446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307440451948546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042976803885744,0.07938980630667022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771710136181246,0.0,0.07057440849282913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642618985511868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324608143300264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619253915286356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564328872332763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557491119634869,0.1382258692262038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364783393296616,0.0,0.0,0.09254287303027467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446266886669045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112100799212741,0.0,0.0,0.20449485997909408,0.0,0.1153635714820545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851244649670368,0.0,0.1146827465302113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476449345099995,0.0,0.2383843585185811,0.0,0.4586530688385817,0.23174943335354375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925142282952171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093025591691865
bpd,jubiloenfado,2019/04/07,"loneliness i just feel so fucking alone.
i broke up with someone i love very much, we talked the situation through and ""are together"", but not quite dating. she told me she feels confuse now. she doesn't have much time to spend with me, she's always busy and i try to understand that. it's long distance, but we used to live together. i went out last night by myself to try and feel something, but the void inside my chest just grew bigger. couldn't leave the bed today because i'm feeling low. i know there are people who care about me, but it's so hard reaching them and they don't really understand me even though they try. also, i wish this one specific person gave me attention. i just feel so alone. i have no one to talk to. i pushed everybody away, i deleted all my social media accounts. i don't have a best friend. i just feel so alone and empty. i feel like people only get close to me because of my appearence and it's always so shallow. i'm so lonely. i just wish i had someone to talk to. i miss her touch so much. i miss being around her. i miss sharing a home. i wish people would talk to me, but i'm always the one who goes after them. i'm so lonely. it's always been like this. why do i have to be the one who texts/calls first? i've never belonged anywhere, but i felt safe in her arms. will i ever fit in? will people ever show they care? they only say nice things when they think i'm dead. is that what it takes? do i have to die to be loved? i just don't want to be alone anymore.",0.617647058823529,2.7546716114649685,2.2920194829524188,95.0790108654927,84.47770700636944,4.968002997377295,18.152491569876357,6.2272716619740125,-0.25528557512176864,1162,28,259,10,34,380,156,314,0.185,0.662,0.153,-0.8496,0,8,1,0,0,0,44.0,2,0,7,3,25,20,1,1,7,0,24,5,2,1,4,53,60,23,2,6,13,0,10,2,1,3,0,1,2,1,14,13,0,1,13,1,2,4,8,9,0,5,6,11,52,11,27,46,5,27,0,7,0,3,32,10,1,2,15,171,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491929722128829,0.0,0.067406083050858,0.28054163424418377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359228714853842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503530316901819,0.0,0.0,0.07919252533490159,0.0,0.0,0.10276388933586343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845636800729699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187701662878274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747893430536861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567225490435613,0.1524889051818099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983342430937409,0.06021625729078371,0.08093089865417805,0.0,0.0,0.07169639328728243,0.0,0.0,0.0651216657307542,0.0779240537283377,0.04403765439659745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550661221626323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454899062497832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632316763722365,0.0687069889704407,0.0,0.08925014571212864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235894021161122,0.0,0.07442895230841154,0.0745933341304317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214867862320886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858868923548652,0.0,0.06500906613624967,0.0,0.0,0.0790997515416911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284663098364549,0.12821154621830186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337422127411889,0.07359812221639635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965199311457564,0.0,0.0,0.053997852122880684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703019499994319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474464897290558,0.0,0.08592227593474068,0.1428360165827196,0.06488998291849203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337502633546511,0.27099402644039217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055998032578901465,0.05400914817258394,0.08281376050753883,0.0,0.04914973971442785,0.0,0.07989635364706042,0.08054199084449595,0.0,0.17168060428485432,0.0,0.0,0.17549616446579594,0.0,0.07279884930035886,0.0,0.06954745902195547,0.04971598371474028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813697953095768,0.07605793808533406,0.0,0.2907854342984053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987666507086399,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,seraph_writes,2019/04/07,"Transference in therapy Take a troubled girl. She has been depressed and anorexic her whole life. She comes from a broken home. Her life was filled with meaning only because she filled it with a series of obsessions. To have the thinnest body. To have the best grades. To make the best handicraft project. To write the best poem. To sketch  beautifully on the first day she took up the hobby. To make the best painting. This list could go on.  So, the girl did everything on this list and more. She even got a Phd in literature. Well, she does not have the degree yet but she is currently enrolled in the Phd programme and  is working on it. Wow, I don’t recognize this girl. I ought to. I live in her skin everyday. 

Now, after all these obsessions, an old one came back to haunt her. She always hated her breasts. The ugly, gargantuan monstrosities that jutted out of her chest. She wanted them gone. And so started the new obsession. Only, this time, her family would not give in to her demands. So, the depression got worse. She was no longer thin and her monstrous breasts made her hate her body. And getting her breast reduction surgery became the most important thing in the world. 

Her husband  did not give in to her demands and instead, sent her to a therapist. And in the therapist’s room, the girl found refuge. In a world filled with people who did not understand her need for validation, the therapist made her feel cherished, loved, celebrated and respected. For 13 weeks, he met her for a 45 minute session. For the first five sessions, the girl’s wards were high. But the therapist’s patience knew no bounds. He pecked and pecked and chiseled until all her layers and wards fell apart. 

And then  she was smitten. The therapist became the borderline’s favorite person. She began to smile his quirky smile. She began to look at psychology courses and read books on psychology because she had to be just like him. She worshiped and adored and cherished and treasured and loved her new flame with an intensity that would scare the bravest man. Most importantly, she trusted him with her deepest secrets. 

And then, he told her he would transfer her because of the rules. He could only see her for ten sessions as those were the number of sessions allotted by the state. If she didn’t get cured in those ten sessions, he would have to transfer her to psychiatry. And now, she waits in limbo, oscillating between extreme ideation and devaluation for the old therapist. She also hates herself for being so weak and falling in love with someone in 13 days. 

Life will go on for my therapist. He will continue to scintillate his clients with his scintillating eyes and the girl will mope and oscillate between extremes of ideation and devaluation. Oh, and her mind will be filled with bouts of  depression and self loathing that her mind readily manufactures at intervals of a half hour. 

So, dear therapists, remember what the father of psychoanalysis wisely remarked:  In view of the kind of matter we work with, it will never be possible to avoid little laboratory explosions.

If you cannot contain the explosions, then stay well away. ",5.069044247787608,7.608299276106192,4.919300884955753,79.92019026548672,71.28318584070794,8.343008849557524,30.59203539823009,9.065960079200117,2.8540945132743363,2501,109,434,54,50,771,278,565,0.11900000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.158,0.9827,1,1,0,0,0,0,76.0,1,1,1,8,15,34,3,5,42,0,36,15,8,4,3,83,75,42,0,11,9,2,3,1,0,10,4,0,2,9,16,40,0,4,7,2,0,13,10,13,2,7,25,7,59,21,77,34,11,74,1,3,4,6,84,32,0,5,28,304,75,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280649109343129,0.05494466760097395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062040088883499975,0.050775228767370485,0.0,0.12075913985788755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771898438786469,0.0,0.0,0.14669534508770646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755240531289625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688150158989892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544380463352727,0.0,0.0,0.08517152324387685,0.0,0.170622135608439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057785841052863385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043614111660219015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934611811146196,0.0,0.062249947024907486,0.0,0.033388221354504644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233511226870896,0.0,0.07240167315171755,0.0,0.0,0.06899893598371394,0.12668956089099334,0.07505604444907536,0.0,0.10562509434245676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558147160319336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976739067652737,0.06623638873998765,0.0,0.06502911112142573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876311021064377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992298305749007,0.03226034243428368,0.06618231930674741,0.05830826580150213,0.0,0.05545101025103414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787918273607106,0.12496386458482955,0.08815495505500276,0.0,0.0,0.07192919287405361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133348822445171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896256311972872,0.05092864792819996,0.1275499842375384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858085389163394,0.0,0.04474560606950407,0.1506630017726337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045778902721448814,0.05765738653558999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444217991994226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605077547000475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480241018381786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611045846746194,0.0,0.05261967679502423,0.0,0.06888672222872562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594946699250889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673843075600682,0.07038229186796241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049648527436384135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551438286765823,0.6133543470728716,0.04386932862418853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850431852739681,0.0,0.0,0.06309727148762076,0.07336498826263764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874258395048845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038947918828821336,0.0,0.05296761417204207,0.0,0.1187430255044748,0.0,0.0,0.0737233814090589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614548407276433,0.0,0.06729317259135452,0.18763152746219094,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yeeeeeeeeetlmao,2019/04/07,"Any advice on how to separate my BPD mind from ruining my friendship with my FP would be awesome It’s a little more complicated than that but we work together and I don’t know how to confront/talk sometimes without going into grave detail about my feelings. I don’t want that to happen especially since we work together and this is a small place of business. 

Our relationship doesn’t consist of much else than smoking weed and playing video games/watching a movie here and there together. Cool thats pretty normal. But my bpd ass and my constant need for validation means since I thought he was cute and gave me the time of day - I had sex with him and also for about the last six months or so I have. (one of my biggest self destructive behaviors.) Because I can never peacefully and consciously draw that line between friendship and me idolizing the hell out of em. 

I had just gotten out of a relationship so I am not and was not really banging on any doors for one but the fact he enjoys my company and wants to hangout with me even if its for sex makes me feel wanted and I hate that I cant separate the line between knowing this is nothing more than a FWB but somewhere in the back of my mind its just spinning out of control on why I wouldn’t be and am not even good enough for one. (Again we work together so I understand the biggest factor there) 

But he is in a place to probably start looking for one and I dont want to come out on the other end looking like a dumb ass because I kept putting up with it for so long because he has become my FP and I don’t want to essentially push him away because he does not know about my BPD.

I just want to be able to say hey I cant do this anymore but knowing he like wont really miss me in the same way I will is like almost what is stopping me 

Idk this sucks and BPD sucks and I hate how my lack of love for myself makes me crave and chase boys for validation. How do I end this situation without projecting all of this nonsense on to him because I know if I say anything I will just be bound to say something I regret and I really don’t want too ",3.97811188811189,4.9231442820512825,5.060193473193477,84.25336713286715,71.21445221445222,8.237482517482517,29.218414918414922,8.548686976883017,2.038990303030303,1663,64,345,27,30,548,196,429,0.15,0.735,0.114,-0.9773,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,4,0,0,4,25,20,7,0,16,1,33,5,2,7,3,92,68,37,1,15,19,0,2,3,0,5,0,3,1,2,17,32,0,4,11,3,0,4,17,11,0,5,8,8,52,9,60,51,7,39,1,4,2,5,23,21,6,4,16,244,69,4,0.07966455661188257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778472827182018,0.0,0.0,0.07977254592543971,0.0,0.0,0.06370771714051092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834926062025796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900583365405424,0.0,0.0,0.06555714223144705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484747333370585,0.06125712663492525,0.0,0.24281387145461125,0.08798324385148461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013388810506201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862396153922021,0.0,0.08608908434521699,0.08935057425496946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513770485303304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971499034103182,0.0,0.093366267038468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654951471659615,0.0,0.14111830292997066,0.08231478265838901,0.0,0.10523537661564199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056158695013695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527520339296042,0.06681885042675915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044710431564928,0.0,0.0,0.157304513300273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890778452874,0.06493724632541638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676023504513942,0.07984481435506167,0.0,0.07050062570411697,0.1337963270454033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190037265417477,0.0,0.10635342028770353,0.0,0.0,0.0867780566153823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087698473140782,0.0,0.06358748904340114,0.0,0.05856261543109901,0.05907025930177937,0.061442217223216085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805435109271604,0.07644029063407459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593106118056699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664650118457325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104749399936635,0.08589186604270879,0.0,0.0,0.08008488289312278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531054646793854,0.0,0.0,0.17105984034624838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900573587568213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310750674040733,0.0,0.0,0.1317986889203245,0.08954629944583371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132966773792167,0.07879028350658987,0.0,0.056386983201113114,0.0,0.0,0.066603136470246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403135296486008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324475933250967,0.046453043605782535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293361295445574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289175366902474,0.06323401695862678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188487131309848,0.0,0.0,0.15358757947504525,0.0,0.1739902380412215,0.0,0.0,0.0565914153292899,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LadyGrey007,2019/04/07,"U.K. hospital experience? Re: suicide Anyone have any experience going to a U.K. a&e like wanting to commit suicide (without acting out on it)?

What do they do, lock you up, or what?

I’m not a citizen here and don’t have insurance FYI. ",2.7473333333333336,5.4764312888888895,5.22666666666667,73.62000000000003,80.55555555555556,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222207,8.841846274778883,3.4093555555555564,188,10,31,5,5,66,36,45,0.18100000000000002,0.682,0.13699999999999998,-0.6494,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30551450375843303,0.0,0.19174934859852824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716006180575327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5516417601282924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602501153873655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775635621292245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6168590843779054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631328048871766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27180913047835153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,witchwasburned,2019/04/07,"What happens when your fp leaves and how do you let go? my fp is not around anymore but in my mind he is still fp? nothing changes and it’s been a pretty long time. my mind still seems to wrap things and emotions around him even though i cannot talk to them anymore it still affects me. it’s like they are living in my mind rent free. i think he moved on but how do i move on? what happens after you lose fp? what is your story? do you switch onto someone else or how to just let go of it? how? how to take them from your head when they are take from your hands? it literally feels like i was a satellite revolving around them and now i need to become a planet and  go back to revolving around sun? but i don’t know how? or am i just a satellite from now on? my mind is tired, i feel like i’m living with a ghost of them, they still have full affect on me and this is insanely tiring and scary. 

what’s next? what’s after? share you thoughts or stories",0.34541404140414045,2.4295426683168344,1.6018001800180033,99.93228622862287,85.1881188118812,4.4648064806480665,17.597659765976598,5.565023196281405,-0.7142059405940597,737,17,176,4,22,233,99,202,0.07,0.823,0.107,0.8229,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,8,7,1,23,6,0,0,5,0,18,4,2,8,0,40,33,22,1,1,9,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,12,12,0,0,6,0,2,5,3,1,0,0,3,3,31,6,25,28,1,31,0,1,0,0,20,12,0,4,17,125,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656552257661184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708405916268495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008022819107162,0.0,0.0,0.11501875180349268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017043378655304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699886229191238,0.11714786647225417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878606160698725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531656675394267,0.14880084131178045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756212958109846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841882079327244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688168359301804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572347620623418,0.0,0.0,0.11027334947962927,0.0,0.212988380808578,0.0,0.15263834233986076,0.0,0.18392193769141973,0.09216407141728657,0.0,0.11651038149985975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206225905685074,0.0,0.0,0.22137696143314448,0.0,0.07722137984668855,0.0,0.0,0.1107582156934084,0.0,0.0,0.09992887771981274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059517834139379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480869224114057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824078576694068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33267780192997354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566064989946956,0.08370691931680584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918857742442547,0.06673120389901024,0.1023208498014714,0.08267862104307733,0.06072714370510411,0.2393961782842116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cherrybitchxx,2019/04/07,"I want a new life Sometimes I feel taken for granted by my friends. No actually more often than not, and sad thing is I want to give all myself to them. They think just because I’m a failure (no job, college) I’m always there. 

I just want to move to a different country reinvent myself go to college make new friends. But my parents won’t let me they’ll think I’ll end up dead. 

My life just isn’t enough to keep me happy or entertained at the moment, think I like living on the edge, risking everything makes life so much more interesting.",2.3846788990825694,4.410791183486243,3.708706422018349,87.88709633027523,77.53211009174312,6.194862385321102,26.496330275229358,7.1686216300943375,1.2779387155963304,425,17,86,5,10,139,72,109,0.102,0.6729999999999999,0.225,0.8936,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,0,6,8,0,1,5,0,5,3,0,2,1,19,20,4,1,3,6,1,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,1,15,6,12,16,5,9,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,2,5,54,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.16314538552029045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910870566522782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191251414892646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466946774291514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480735115941623,0.17274355872018213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502522817445322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845321750023096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25832859083394044,0.0,0.0,0.16037608021246594,0.09501330749225977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796820572210806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590220600805214,0.1485989245703599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095478550904486,0.35425648958880984,0.08167661533492793,0.0,0.14762465111513842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319038827819554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768786642150527,0.12289790813774935,0.0,0.0,0.3229305770627623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856356782111771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653471408894415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106820351762801,0.3213701688140965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29582458934753764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,randomwaffleify,2019/04/07,Eye contact? absolutely not. it’s literally the most stressful thing in the world ,3.444047619047616,5.998351500000003,4.772857142857145,69.15547619047621,105.42857142857143,7.580952380952381,33.23809523809524,7.793537801064563,4.039552380952381,67,4,10,2,3,22,13,14,0.23,0.77,0.0,-0.5563,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8650418325252069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016997388692086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MyDoeLaysInSnow,2019/04/07,"I feel so depressed when my boyfriends not with me I smoke more, i get intrusive thoughts, i eat more or i eat less.

My boyfriend and i live with our own family. He stays at mine a couple days a week. I stay at his for about three or four days. I feel so low when we're not together.

He's coming over in a couple hours yet i can't even muster up any excitement.

I'm so tired of being such a needy person.",-0.3309090909090884,1.6837495454545497,1.5192727272727282,99.84390909090912,87.63636363636364,5.3381818181818215,16.754545454545454,6.742157984588678,-0.3907990909090908,312,7,78,4,10,102,62,88,0.147,0.8140000000000001,0.039,-0.8284,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,8,8,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,2,15,1,10,6,4,16,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,2,7,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609710644726902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723966097225097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428860766771148,0.0,0.25813808429336144,0.0,0.1723740108842501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095714534518659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218576823956346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866730874779905,0.0,0.2023862241781416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456108141987873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709040685017665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767208505754882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474816392612846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266296832322583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888301763822393,0.0,0.2300231107932741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053438909164772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Its_u,2019/04/07,"Constant feeling of loosing control So, everytime Im having a breakdown or when there is a llot happening in my life I have a constant feeling of loosing control which i hate. I hate having the feeling that I cant control what happening and I dont even really know why.

To ""emulate"" this feeling of being in control I either self-harm or stop eating. There have been times where I stopped eating for 2 or 3 days and it got so bad that a friend had to force me to eat something.

Do you guys know any alternatives to not eating to get a similar feeling of control? ",2.9258928571428555,4.9718812321428585,4.581571428571428,82.16342857142858,75.96428571428572,6.98,31.735714285714284,7.908726449838941,2.4763900000000008,446,23,82,7,10,150,68,112,0.145,0.755,0.1,-0.8413,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,5,7,4,2,0,6,0,11,5,0,5,0,21,24,8,0,0,5,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,4,7,7,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,5,10,1,12,20,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,7,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552130394671706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272640374215166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400223081582933,0.6227889177548868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162137841518162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301557978525633,0.0,0.0,0.454548535696039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335087307325107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807640799605801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858009262520724,0.0,0.058021727405113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882094113051127,0.0,0.0,0.10996204939764184,0.196411388383522,0.0,0.0,0.21928791932926503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995860915778055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206600201649302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784415301958491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711447668878899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158547320187739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854956730054652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569414075849008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475714564768299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020999099632302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JoyfulSuicide,2019/04/07,"It’s so hard Borderline sucks and I hate myself. I really don’t want to do this for another 40 years. I can’t. Fuck me, I hate myself and all my bullshit and the bullshit I inflict on the ones I love.",-0.4379545454545449,1.5501165681818208,2.5919999999999987,92.15300000000002,87.86363636363637,6.247272727272727,20.163636363636364,7.554174236665415,0.7140872727272725,155,5,36,3,5,55,31,44,0.419,0.475,0.106,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,9,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,10,1,3,9,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475573958903556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064229799938594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969168057556301,0.6544824811109626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991492952124053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22460114733105893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233729470036147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549958137838627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134448805289313
bpd,Hellterskellter44,2019/04/07,"I ghosted my best friend. I ghosted my best friend mid October and have no spoken to her since. I can’t recall the exact emotions or thought process. But. I know I felt slighted towards something and removed her from all my social media. I actually removed her and another friend simultaneously but have spoken to the other friend since. 

At this point, it’s April. I have no clue what she’s felt, thought, etc. honestly at this point I owe her an apology for my actions (ghosting her) but I had my reasons. When I looked deeper into my feelings about the friendship, I actually benefitted from that distance and space. 

I think about this daily. I’m so scared to reach out in fear of rejection. At this point, she might be so hurt or upset, that she would be just as content not speaking to me still. I am aware of my actions and I know it would be unfair to expect her to “take me back” per se. I have sat with this so long, just stagnant, unsure of how to approach this. ",2.234682539682538,4.712112190476193,3.4542301587301587,87.12896428571432,80.53439153439155,5.684761904761905,25.852116402116398,6.961326702584282,1.2104897354497357,760,31,147,9,20,246,106,189,0.163,0.6970000000000001,0.14,-0.8753,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,0,3,4,0,13,0,0,2,2,32,26,16,3,3,8,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,9,0,1,5,4,5,0,0,6,5,33,8,24,14,4,22,0,2,1,0,16,12,0,3,5,112,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.2686804596554738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435273303983687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585513749711396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28893980144343184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485349871039206,0.0,0.0,0.15353177737609675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491030065861214,0.06960706722677358,0.0,0.2643581046177217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42543553595502503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473721856707705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131309549388325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182832982059892,0.11560310917297464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603977533565984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39041100084489005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154154529709978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378257044026872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277542076164886,0.0,0.0,0.14033113673683587,0.0,0.10598049186571898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099386679490671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350621407116208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820954839468405,0.0,0.218579716773647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558514673859465,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,threekoalasinatree,2019/04/07,"That goddamn loneliness I think one of the things I struggle the most is the lonely feeling I have. That only my FP can make me feel whole and happy and strong, and when they leave, I feel lonely. My therapist asked me to describe this feeling of loneliness but I can't really put this into words.. 

Anyone else struggle with loneliness a lot? And what does it feel like for you? 

Thanks in advance (: ",2.7797368421052653,5.37781407894737,3.4860526315789464,86.98986842105263,79.26315789473685,6.43157894736842,23.97368421052632,7.645422480735847,1.3681368421052629,314,11,58,5,8,99,55,76,0.21100000000000002,0.588,0.2,0.41100000000000003,0,4,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,2,1,8,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,17,13,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,0,5,11,4,7,13,3,5,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829331342950502,0.20265035826757785,0.0,0.0,0.1848988568635145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307978578216168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522093304050794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000209475534412,0.14129503071116833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054191698515484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209421884499978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662597369963036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814662479736475,0.0,0.0,0.1320205820193727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402175640427064,0.1504216234576073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988248769414667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670379258538358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135280045524296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820904875551212,0.0,0.2296393828178735,0.1313971357401497,0.1267302983125999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208158058951404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,this-isnt-important,2019/04/07,"What does fp mean? So I have been a reddit browser for quite some time until I recently found this sub. I’ve been diagnosed with a lot of mental health problems in my life, bpd being one, and reading posts on here has helped me feel a bit better about myself knowing I’m not a total psycho and the only person dealing with the things I do. I actually finally made an account because I keep seeing the term fp used and I have no idea what it means, if someone could inform me...",3.825580357142858,5.0099581354166665,5.123154761904762,82.75875000000002,71.8125,7.152380952380952,26.214285714285715,7.447530270364453,1.3930285714285708,375,12,72,4,7,125,76,96,0.055,0.912,0.033,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,8,0,8,3,0,2,1,22,18,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,7,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,2,10,1,8,12,5,8,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,5,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.17122193557114054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695771673744472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517855797722332,0.1915549586948363,0.0,0.22098351557295284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008913032566575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088974477794212,0.0,0.17808642385938656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354469134280116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887169598807545,0.0,0.0,0.19220592950281887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238090774888847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865039081205285,0.0,0.0,0.1176059621658113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980710001428888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595534870682898,0.0,0.0,0.09642726203812974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393134635219735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916832423943338,0.0,0.16602283247143704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822509291949159,0.0,0.0,0.1768206413020762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889504673996833,0.1334439006883829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532033705478284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680404962045027,0.0,0.0,0.1678898429457882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866214396217813,0.17550572506536186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324384808792226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981750347215202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866520039571754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656666062634324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023111128251215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153958754580427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,abbigurle,2019/04/07,"To Share My Story; To Offer Hope. Hello, beautiful humans!

I’m new to Reddit. My boyfriend suggested I check it out for the memes and the interesting stories, articles, and videos. I love it! I just came across this BPD subreddit, and I wanted to share my story with hope that it could encourage anyone struggling with this awful diagnosis to keep marching forward. I’ll try my best not to ramble :)

- TW: self-harm, hospital -

I am 25 years old, and to be honest, I actually can’t remember a time before I suffered from depression, anxiety, extreme mood swings, and extraordinary sensitivity. I have memories of being debilitated by depression in high school and I’ve been riddled with anxiety since I was a little girl- I was your textbook “perfectionist”, straight-A student, obsessed with being correct and people-pleasing to an unhealthy degree. Looking back, I was so clearly unwell- yet it was chalked up to the classic “angsty, hormonal teenage blues.” No one seemed concerned. I carried on, I went to an excellent, revered university to pursue what I loved more than anything, which was theatre.

A stark contrast, my college years were bliss. I was surrounded by peers, professors, and mentors that became family. I was rehearsing and performing and working myself to the bone, and I loved every minute of it. This was the best time in my life, up until the last semester of my senior year. I was in a relationship, and I began to experience incredibly severe anxiety and crushing panic attacks. I was self-harming. I lost 15 pounds. Seemingly, this came on with no justifiable source. However, I was finally driven to a psychiatrist when my partner confided in a trusted mentor. I kicked and screamed, but I needed help. I was diagnosed with moderate clinical depression and panic disorder, and sent home with antidepressants and Xanax. Things didn’t improve, and I ended up in a cycle of meltdowns/incidents leading to sedation through my meds, until the next incident.

Fast forward! I graduate college. I move to NYC with my partner. I have a steady job. I am moving forward with my career, performing often, auditioning with success. Things are really taking off. I was deteriorating at a steady pace. The self-harm was daily and severe. I was in turmoil with my partner. I couldn’t get out of bed to wash my hair. I was seeing therapist after therapist to no avail, being tossed around the medical system like a bean bag. After an incident, I spent 12 hours in a psych ER, where I was stitched up and they decided I was well enough to go home without admittance. A few months later, I went to my therapist in major distress. She recommended I buy some bubbles and blow them when I feel like this. Bubbles didn’t work. The next morning, I was back in the psych ER. Stitched up again and held there for 3 days while I waited for a bed in the hospital ward. I was admitted to the psych ward for 3 weeks, where I began learning how to rebuild myself. My memories of my time there and the people I met are difficult, beautiful, and complex. I am so grateful I was saved and kept safe there while I began to heal. I understand this isn’t everyone’s experience as an inpatient, but I feel fortunate that it was mine.

After being discharged I had to go to daily day-programs at a different hospital for a few months, then transitioning to weekly DBT groups and bi-weekly individual therapy, then eventually transitioning to just weekly individual therapy. I was diagnosed with BPD, major chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and an eating disorder throughout this time. Although I had improved immensely over these months, my partner couldn’t handle it anymore, and left. I was devastated, but what once would have sent me back to the hospital had me reaching out for help from the people I love. 

It’s been 2 years since I was admitted to the hospital, 3 years since I went to my first appointment and received my first diagnosis. Out of all the diagnoses, BPD was by far the most frightening. The stigma attached is horrific. I had a trusted therapist tell me that with this diagnosis attached to my records, no doctor would be interested in treating me, which is incredibly difficult to hear (and also wildly untrue). I was told over and over again that there was no cure, no hope, just an endless struggle through treatment and medication for the rest of my life. Even if I felt better, I would never be better.

Well, I’m happy to report that today, I live in a perfect little apartment in NYC with my unbelievably supportive and loving boyfriend and my fluffy little dog. I have difficult days, but in a way that feels “normal”. I get stressed and exhausted and sad, but in a way that is like everyone else. I live with a fear that I could spiral down again, but I have the tools and skills and resources to float above it this time. I never, ever thought I would feel in control of my own life, and yet- I do. I use the skills and practices I learned in therapy to cope, and to my surprise, I’ve even been taken off all five of my daily medications. I haven’t taken one in months.

It gets better. You’ll feel better. Keep marching forward. Keep listening to your heart. Reach out for help. Someone will listen. Trust. Trust. Trust.

All my love. 💛

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bpd,yakanirtak,2019/04/07,"How to cope with a loved one moving? Hello...this is my first time posting on this sub, but I lurk a bit. I was diagnosed with bpd last summer after my boyfriend of ~1 year encouraged me to go back to the doctor.  My tantrums were just out of control and happening daily at the time. 

Turns out I’d been misdiagnosed from my teen years into my early 30s and that’s why i never thought treatment was helpful. Now I’m on the correct mix of meds to keep me mostly calm.   I still have mood swings and crying fits, but not the out of control tantrums.   I am not yet able to find time for dbt with my work schedule.   

My bf has really helped me with everything so far...keeping my appointments, med management, being supportive even through my rages.

Now it turns out that due to life circumstances I can’t really blame him for, he has to move. We’re on CA and he has to go back to the east coast. Next month.   I have just been cycling through disassociation and crying and happiness just trying to enjoy things before he leaves. He wants to stay together/make it work/he’ll still support me etc. Not sure about that, but I KNOW, though, that as soon as he’s gone /as the date gets closer I’m going to start feeling terrible. 

How do I deal with this without falling into the cycle of self induced drama? Has anyone else dealt with this situation?

For context I work full time in a ~profession~ and feel more calm at work. I’m in my early 30s and I don’t live w the dude",2.9224742268041237,4.792829659793816,3.8719367697594542,88.0348329896907,75.42611683848797,6.992769759450173,24.01113402061856,7.839951260653429,1.1541976907216496,1145,36,236,17,25,368,169,291,0.10099999999999999,0.7859999999999999,0.113,0.3661,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,6,17,14,3,0,11,0,17,4,0,5,3,46,38,18,0,1,10,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,10,20,0,3,6,1,0,7,7,4,0,2,7,2,26,9,48,30,5,53,0,0,0,1,13,17,0,1,27,149,36,5,0.1032960693956859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222701347470585,0.10583903006060692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885660255887862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878973469407242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127725543326722,0.0,0.1300977833535328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317106505406459,0.0,0.0,0.2269317636428331,0.0,0.10649371183176574,0.0,0.10484333607144224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572790405572002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629061131797452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520242245898454,0.068226079627418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283584660383803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445919277214287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441073606157524,0.08786358385914893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053967932871206215,0.0,0.17611661008926502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913443730260971,0.1099605866543132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384743558564706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362858529316484,0.0,0.0,0.056768818314275986,0.08420008330021192,0.0,0.10937562271503924,0.0,0.0,0.0729610686418693,0.0,0.0,0.09121232174811103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322873557741634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294772933333468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244993708965004,0.2195747488017156,0.0,0.0,0.07966829671863727,0.0,0.1098565416706693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999608994580478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892908081017647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234821420380213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776032841534801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610910993640094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311348958021789,0.11009986599643752,0.1649847489047344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443831087284134,0.09735532294666642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862531859488122,0.0,0.10148786371847092,0.08200554081725647,0.24093107499843994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701312505875957,0.22471292257895967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092669803844936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320863595379897,0.0,0.0,0.0995737247686088,0.0,0.30080307508123283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303856399230965
bpd,LuisEnRod,2019/04/07,"After months of clarity... I was very happy. Very very happy. I’m in my first ever relationship and it was everything I hoped for and more. We’ve been dating for 3 months now. 

I live in Venezuela where things are very shitty and everyone’s leaving the country. My boyfriend went on vacation with his family on March 19th, the same day my family moved to Spain and a week before my birthday. He was supposed to come back on April 18th but he told me last night that he’s most probably staying there and not coming back.

On top of that I’m supposed to be choosing a masters degree as I’m about to graduate from college, but how the fuck am I supposed to think about my future if I just want to throw myself off a window? ",3.6937878787878797,5.131802166666667,4.675176767676766,84.8602272727273,72.47222222222223,7.736363636363637,26.285353535353536,8.296473431620573,1.6684527777777776,568,19,113,9,11,185,95,144,0.052000000000000005,0.8740000000000001,0.075,0.0635,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,10,4,1,0,6,0,7,1,0,1,1,21,18,10,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,6,0,13,3,23,11,3,31,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,3,16,74,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22989725029451194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272050266992558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575448919797725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964087187419305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352223135942355,0.0,0.14284415420903224,0.1343520226367362,0.0,0.2818518399507824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715616477289834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382011473847775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31826988750094115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847735542827853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185434733890245,0.0,0.1582883840293492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200245772030098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386430720352407,0.15888427100445138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402862902772362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117556364964336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049637442918852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593365087925364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931455030143004,0.09578719136901333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284415420903224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933798063451994,0.08817310784027392,0.0,0.11991190535647993,0.0,0.0,0.13857877905076466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lolaisadalek,2019/04/07,"Does it get better? Having a “why me?” moment My whole life tumbles out of control because of BPD. Boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t cope with how intense and “psycho” I am. My best friends and housemates cut me off on everything (they were not nice to me) but they said I was toxic and horrible to live with. I could go on but basically I’m 20 and I’ve fucked up more relationships than I care to think of. 

Some days it seems like I’m incapable of having a rational thought. I started reading some DBT stuff online and I thought this seems so futile. Like baby steps. Why do we have to rationalise our thoughts like this? Am I really that messed up I have try and rationalise everything I think? 

It’s so frustrating to know that my thought patterns aren’t normal. I just want to snap out of it but it’s like I can’t control myself. Or take some tablets not this whole long process of hoping to somehow better myself that might not even pay off. ",2.085631578947368,4.511309721052637,2.9581578947368463,90.7746052631579,80.73684210526315,6.1157894736842096,24.76315789473684,7.365786028017652,1.1628736842105267,757,29,154,11,20,239,109,190,0.152,0.6759999999999999,0.171,-0.4138,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,2,5,6,16,3,0,2,0,14,2,0,3,0,42,34,13,0,5,8,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,12,12,0,2,9,1,1,2,6,5,0,0,7,1,24,11,26,24,7,15,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,9,8,104,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726337174952973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353680439252312,0.2281640258891623,0.0,0.0,0.1624595859940453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151487033032733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893486375163673,0.10298877749304423,0.0,0.0,0.08318849160074973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128808496075354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519730593831146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23185749696720984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965808800105556,0.11925005475082955,0.06739244747456725,0.0,0.07330852948771563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811711841135448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089005272016431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111012270693954,0.2520738503593362,0.0,0.11390137208168953,0.11415293164947438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683901368873105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638374363691032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902585679197698,0.0,0.08263490557780151,0.0,0.0,0.1384880067942077,0.0,0.0,0.12269993208887625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348570326538121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130045832913568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766377694588198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698514128495783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653043846789538,0.0,0.409617623512799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757638786776496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608220435557414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327885382485677,0.28802757830527703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TBS_Reruns,2019/04/07,"Struggling to see the downsides of oversharing? I love oversharing, love having people overshare back, and have it in my head that it's a sign of being open, honest and transparent. It's a sign of respect and good will. I feel like those who don't spill all of their dirty laundry to me are hiding something and therefore don't respect me. Then I blame the embarrassment of having shared too much on the fact that they're being secretive with me in the first place. I know it's unreasonable but I can't seem to reach that point of actually feeling like it's reasonable to keep things personal and to yourself.",6.7332967032967055,7.154544136752138,6.561050061050061,77.79307692307692,64.8974358974359,9.762637362637363,32.953601953601954,9.606745405546679,2.970996092796094,492,19,91,9,7,155,74,117,0.086,0.728,0.185,0.8919,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,11,0,2,6,0,10,3,1,2,2,20,18,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,10,9,15,15,2,9,0,0,1,2,7,6,0,1,5,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.21392141880047466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856217403929544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216825533019451,0.3132133096642001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646347052138088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386645462275808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249769931777978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484763651107104,0.0,0.0,0.1204743810273728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141939519716951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956987144060156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611476462701912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197551158685702,0.1914093675164029,0.2290321619672227,0.0,0.2072282574950321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22538868831766465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468532064033254,0.19956435743237452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876178650399953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22917025866512136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563616129464985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thembones94,2019/04/07,"Completely ruining my life for the SECOND time...Smh... Fuck BPD & Fuck ADDICTION.

Am currently watching my life crumble before my very eyes for the SECOND time now...you would think I would have learned my lesson the very FIRST time...shit..

About 3 weeks ago I lost my job of almost 3 years, going to be leaving my toxic co-dependent relationship of 5 years (longest relationship at that..I'm severely attached and hes my FP) and then to top it off in less than a week now I will be going out of state, leaving my hometown and everything I know , to move in with my dad & stepmom. AGAIN. 

Been down this road once before in 2015. Lost my very first under-the-table job working at some small chinese take out place, was binging on opiates and adderall, xanax, and whatever else I could get my hand on. Was completely oblivious to the erratic dysfunctional destructive way I was going about my daily life until I got snagged for petty theft at a walmart during a benzo blackout. I woke up in the hospital and remember calling my Bf eho told me I wasnt allowed back in the house and vaguely remember my dad showing up, taking one look at me, shaking his head in disappointment & anger then leaving, telling me I wasnt allowed back home either...so I threatened suicide and was involuntarily hospitalized, lied about having acplace to go to so was released out into the streets with all my shit, wound up squatting, smoking crack at a nearby traphouse for a bit...I had lost EVERYTHING and PROMISED myself I'd never let that happen again..


Well now that I've been addicted to Meth & Kratom for the past 2 years Ive gone abd fucked everything up again and have lost it all once more...I cant handle this.  My family doesnt even know what the hell is all going on with me atm...

I fucking honestly sincerely HATE myself and wish I was dead. 
",5.3934401709401705,6.5331237321937286,5.947938034188034,78.46754807692311,68.0883190883191,8.926923076923078,32.00391737891738,9.188382445141503,2.8346874643874638,1454,61,266,27,24,471,198,351,0.183,0.764,0.053,-0.9936,5,0,1,0,0,1,63.0,0,0,0,9,13,20,9,1,14,0,27,15,4,2,4,37,54,15,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,0,7,18,0,0,7,1,1,8,5,16,1,5,19,4,38,4,47,28,5,61,1,6,3,4,10,29,6,2,22,165,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670789571166509,0.0,0.0,0.0679290647263376,0.0,0.07673522383398307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321201263212998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784955009837805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304152628842236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366158269452119,0.0,0.09651449791850768,0.0,0.07824917235784548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069301701509914,0.0,0.0,0.061183894383101525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401565662194086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061428143087239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066139382127847,0.0,0.07224121317251067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036516784367147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833777789253439,0.040036715541954336,0.0,0.21775680004842324,0.0,0.0612890879546199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776484635666345,0.0,0.0,0.07565758932574572,0.0786458693345652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686748836634602,0.0,0.0,0.08842228478145235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520895733652079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422916756606752,0.0,0.0,0.24342459276604145,0.0,0.0783607434115412,0.1623809582158397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435103070165198,0.0,0.3346086668478148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144699352252475,0.0,0.0,0.059102818354154325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632197654309365,0.05192738341298266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315329095564936,0.0,0.0,0.08006344661763731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454677465407,0.17361675368959234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657160894889834,0.1573219512834282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382225496077461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523447089193407,0.0,0.06697917423312405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910227240023208,0.0,0.0,0.13405306264856498,0.0,0.0,0.07322453524847419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896866582709884,0.0,0.060826395709839075,0.12293808716369665,0.0,0.06890078327926402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812226624592448,0.0,0.0,0.05578853270104544,0.0,0.0,0.10887341934489037,0.0,0.0,0.14804422346641408
bpd,FutureTones,2019/04/07,"Another Attempt Reason why? My ex.

If I succeed, everyone who knows me in real life will need no further explanation.",2.928571428571427,6.011781857142857,5.682857142857145,66.7871428571429,87.57142857142857,8.514285714285714,35.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.741114285714287,93,6,13,3,3,33,21,21,0.094,0.769,0.13699999999999998,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,8,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410336717354156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739262897394298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150611131156113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764032985389622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901613513840258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454117141881245,0.0,0.4023456421183124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531085126563366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,seekingclarity88,2019/04/07,"how TO get diagnosed? And free to low cost groups for support I read the rules on diagnosing or attempting to diagnose not being allowed, but hopefully this is an appropriate question to ask.

I have an SO who for many reasons I suspect could have BPD tied to alcoholism...not asking for whether or not he has BPD here, but my question is how did those of you  who have been diagnosed GET diagnosed? Did you have to push to be diagnosed w it ? Did you suggest it to your dr/therapist? Did you have a loved one talk to your dr/therapist? I have heard that it is hard to accurately get diagnosed for BPD because the person who has it is very good covering it up when they want to (idk if this is true but again what I heard) .  My husband has walked away  quite a few times getting only a gen anxiety /depression diagnosis in the past but I just feel it that it’s something much more than that. If my husband does have it, I want to know what the best course of getting screened for it is.

Secondly, I don’t know if it is present in the about section but if he WERE to get a diagnosis, what types of support groups and treatment are available and effective for you who live with BPD? Preferably free to low cost. Thanks in advance for any and all replies ",6.17656794425087,6.010869223577237,6.420580720092914,80.32682926829268,66.11382113821138,10.443205574912893,35.457607433217184,10.125756701596842,3.3494875725900126,983,44,202,21,14,316,128,246,0.04,0.7859999999999999,0.174,0.9905,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,7,1,5,9,13,0,0,11,0,28,8,0,5,2,38,48,20,0,9,15,2,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,23,5,0,0,9,1,4,3,3,3,0,2,8,5,19,12,33,37,6,17,0,3,1,1,28,9,0,9,5,147,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060151581702191086,0.0,0.06766687494712195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538462760182882,0.0,0.08310520776351668,0.0,0.0,0.053920583651852164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282675113799796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456175954608901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062312005951618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761850833548446,0.6284508444564861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740647076611414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472487261794291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27728059454375703,0.0,0.0,0.07419080698258522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923718392885165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785452993512262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722373303479066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781062798421126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983296084102587,0.0,0.0,0.08967821688950042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502368224078359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599385487002356,0.06727306106917279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443911101115582,0.0,0.07723440074593388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817688222118232,0.09408144875658593,0.08847768462556184,0.0,0.0,0.09094518467407367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680960165041696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075252952461495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109577190132647,0.0,0.0814363268248027,0.0,0.20540323750125924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157809165974577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298360554865432,0.10434462440258124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zyxk___________,2019/04/07,"Why can't I keep my space clean ? For at least the last 9 years, I've had severe issues with keeping my space clean.  I just can't seem to do it, and I really don't understand why.  I WANT it to be clean.  I WANT it to look pretty. Having everything absolutely disgusting only makes me feel stressed and disgusted with myself.  It's such a huge weight on me.  For years now I've been going through this cycle of having a clean space, slowly letting mess build up, neglecting it for months at a time before I finally am forced to clean it, and the process just repeats.  I'm not lazy, at least I hope it's not just laziness.  I can seem to do everything but this simple task.  I hate it.  And when I say dirty, I mean DIRTY.  I'll have used dishes in my room, half drank soda cans, laundry, trash, and everything in between.  It's hate it.

​

I apologize if anything's wrong with this post, I'm new to the subreddit and reddit in general honestly.  Is this bad habit related to my BPD diagnoses ?  And if any of you suffer from similar difficulties, do you have any advice?  I'm just about done cleaning again, so I'm hoping a fresh start and some advice will help me to break this cycle.",3.5362447257383955,4.90084635864979,4.680864978902957,84.95437763713079,72.75527426160338,8.30464135021097,25.402953586497887,8.841846274778883,1.7616143459915614,925,29,190,18,18,304,134,237,0.201,0.672,0.127,-0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,0,10,13,4,1,7,0,20,5,0,2,0,36,43,13,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,7,0,15,11,4,3,5,0,0,1,5,10,0,1,4,4,22,3,28,36,3,28,0,2,1,0,5,13,0,7,12,118,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444864589384821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554242403428718,0.15200640938337162,0.17014034486945473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294407847420846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044506747548007,0.0,0.0,0.10644823641489023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755514906279527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269707063193269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801754738968166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372870453209296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325274445095809,0.0,0.0,0.13703752424724405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109544333958054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470145526533125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384980595347068,0.0,0.0,0.24849886899916898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056864809920332,0.0,0.22238372078511795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197065878835687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792004180865474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504987803080164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350314299428056,0.0,0.0,0.13626718258270906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985114114571232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208193523104856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514181910794224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198082370960659,0.12726850650311736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014026864858402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948206500210413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22776701394261484,0.0,0.14132387409885827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854421998881468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329806059116332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294500040036216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023027041038046,0.0,0.1080435445276986,0.0,0.0,0.1475707693691637,0.0,0.0,0.15233430620833172,0.0,0.0,0.2257609646081927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677380712394308,0.15200640938337162,0.16111658662122305
bpd,quietbpd_10,2019/04/07,"The joys of quiet BPD High functioning.

Perfectionist.

'Fawn' trauma type ( ""people pleaser"")

Quiet BPD  


In short,  BPD, but  most of your BPD symptoms are inside your head, until everything comes to a head and you breakdown. It feels like a perfect storm of invalidation, especially when you are  surrounded by others who have more visible mental health issues.  


I'm definitely not angry at anyone in this situation. but i still need to vent.  


I don't have visible meltdowns when I'm having a bad day.  i probably look I'm  mildly depressed.  but i still need support. One of these supports is  not being alone.   


It's hard for me, but I try to communicate that i'm having a bad day by saying things  like ""i don't think i would be safe alone"".  


but i look fine.   


So, people don't really care. They prioritize people who are more outward with their issues.  


   ""QuietBPD\_10 is the good kid""  
   "" I didn't get you anything because you wouldn't put on a performance, i'll make it up to you""  
""  you didn't tell me.""  (except I \*do\* tell them, but a calm  ""i don't feel safe, left alone""  or a calm  ""im having a very bad day""  isn't considered the same as someone melting down, so it doesn't count)  


so you work at 200% with no help, after weeks of this happening, you breakdown and lash out. and all the responsibility is heaped onto you. you have to be more clear with your communication, you have to ask more.  


So i do those things. I work at 250%, burning myself out even faster, communicating more,  asking more,  but the communication is ignored, my requests are denied.  


but you're functioning, and communicating  more, and requesting more, so you mustn't be doing all that bad, so once again, you're not a priority.  


I'm not even  angry about it. I get it. if someone seemed fine, and someone was doing even more, but claiming they were actually doing worse... they probably wouldn't be my priority either. but it still hurts.",3.362439351968437,5.616589603878119,4.758358096197433,80.43179215982542,75.39889196675901,7.478250650549817,24.235792831360694,8.391295532112219,1.643152539242844,1481,48,280,28,33,492,175,361,0.11199999999999999,0.721,0.16699999999999998,0.9574,0,3,0,0,0,0,78.0,0,15,5,4,16,22,0,0,14,0,39,4,2,1,5,50,62,28,0,7,18,0,3,2,0,4,2,3,0,1,18,12,0,3,4,0,0,2,16,8,0,1,4,8,39,14,33,49,14,31,0,2,2,0,31,16,0,4,15,196,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.08426650983301537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26830202381577034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037890648684365,0.0,0.07105984439180307,0.0,0.16145380439926008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883992476188725,0.05263901181299279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.435026260527829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804100708114207,0.0,0.0,0.07438408482343678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706852752913878,0.0,0.07437433408701152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110285543914067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760707013980446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732372458248143,0.0616894572470717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023008471089454,0.0,0.0,0.07242745720979643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636025763371135,0.0,0.07735389304740645,0.0,0.1772428970798979,0.09178749997838036,0.0,0.0,0.05787952305415325,0.09123499487422528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244095941225586,0.0,0.093274329722505,0.18025685311665665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382104850717712,0.0,0.0,0.08437386429654338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450268552963324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764022987380171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702190089873561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805693754461414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196142254659362,0.05851394327362715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959556382882896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186202827877043,0.0,0.0,0.08680700718206796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055318917844433727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867009898578931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786110712157322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706259131946134,0.0,0.0,0.21949578240402354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688101819472832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959810902894669,0.0,0.08975216771792931,0.0,0.0,0.15094985897600782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473606604324744,0.055330490253722886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058626932186760815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124894825760025,0.0,0.0,0.06926588425661234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257296949405586,0.0,0.08799945356861631,0.06134155685148564,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scb5889,2019/04/07,"I know you guys are struggling too but please someone have my back. I'm coming to a lot of terms and each of your post hit me hard. I will probably delete this tomorrow bc I'll think I'm a weirdo for saying anything. But right now I just wanna thank you guys that maybe my diagnosis 2 years ago was right. That maybe I've had this longer then I thought and I am definitely not fixing this the right way. I am all over the place and I'm really tired and scared. I mean I've come to the point the last month of planning and by planning I mean like really planning on suicide bc this back and forth is too much. Especially bc when I'm stable I am funny, normal, smart, diverse, and so friendly and motivated. I am a good person during that time but then I dunno what happens and NO ONE believes me really. Plus where I from, who I am (when stable) and who I know makes talking about anything impossible. Then I'll turn to partying, spending and burning my life to the ground. Push everyone away and want everyone who's ever loved me to stop. I am constantly saying why would you ever love me I'm trash, I'm worthless. 

This may not get read to much but I realize now that I gotta fix this again but for real this time. I'm on meds but maybe I need more. I'm such a good liar in those therapy offices tho. If you met me you'd be so comfortable with me that you'd never go yea this guy's has BPD. I need help from this community guys. Please be have my back. Anyone at all.

And if you can believe this my best friend just called me at 2am. Ive avoided him for 2 months now after skipping a concert we had tickets to and he's still trying to be my friend. Wonder what I did? I didn't answer the phone and instead I cried. Just awesome. Wtf is wrong with me!!!!!!",0.9812361967589248,3.084970468664853,2.7738541517280986,92.37719597017069,82.73297002724796,5.825010755772265,20.557077298150013,7.0608816371341465,0.39380544959128105,1370,40,304,18,38,454,191,367,0.125,0.662,0.213,0.9914,0,1,0,0,1,1,40.0,1,8,0,5,25,18,1,3,11,1,27,4,0,2,5,63,58,32,1,8,13,0,1,1,3,4,2,3,0,5,21,22,0,2,10,3,1,4,5,6,0,1,7,4,47,12,30,41,9,48,0,1,0,2,31,14,0,6,29,195,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771208107036256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083286456531761,0.0,0.14318821394557776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173995738828617,0.2006943466966486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603983872988906,0.09130179547958474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957425005209552,0.0,0.08883737224170865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498866813318392,0.0,0.09401677535059423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556610871144257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573941045450441,0.0,0.1662656638806634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164941676156287,0.0,0.04545423925598095,0.0,0.049444463937836185,0.14594400434244126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445772144976126,0.0769343713075774,0.0,0.07793547735711785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058314689548504675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562654386242536,0.07091712667289006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061451119099449274,0.042504114087611934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396482591783092,0.15704293372071682,0.0,0.05807359724526959,0.0,0.26221148473269057,0.18953838610836204,0.09663808895443188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888614841177507,0.0,0.12791094947299847,0.1290197320814062,0.0671002506026591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524214710419327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895387964872891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759655958486627,0.09089714300872198,0.1910011356622978,0.0822437180664169,0.0,0.08332255599360201,0.0,0.09380139579367401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870241753283069,0.09902576576164136,0.1672044973784165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228941923810908,0.0,0.13837278858966134,0.08710280973642512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371535293014878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947881687631634,0.0727364237498245,0.0,0.09095195013794832,0.0,0.09516457032970944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699278122526148,0.0,0.08009849278591394,0.09949280455410092,0.0,0.0,0.055746491875780665,0.0,0.06906878352223195,0.10146153599504182,0.09999442785425068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906771806764,0.09463170445300093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051315226698151736,0.06905705191467955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850453804629694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943484739037979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180275260508825,0.0951215331997994,0.0,0.05602555440107426
bpd,HeartbreakTornadoLA8,2019/04/07,"Recently Diagnosed but still not sure Just as the title says I've recently been diagnosed with bpd but I'm still not convinced. I always suspected I  might have it ever since high school (I'm now 25) but I don't have alot of the normal symptoms of bpd. I've never been suicidal, I've never attempted to have many different personalities/looks/etc, I don't have any ""psychological"" issues like dissociation (I do have paranoia ideation  though), my moods don't change that quickly, and I don't always start problems with my SO (when I had one at least) but when I did it was over things that I thought I had a valid reason to be upset over but when I do get upset I take things too far. Maybe I was misdiagnosed? maybe I exaggerated my feelings when talking to my therapist? or maybe there's a different form of bpd that I don't know about that might fit me better. I don't know but I'm hoping to find answers here",3.0198626373626385,5.020599818681318,4.5363598901098925,82.79926510989013,75.53846153846155,7.846703296703295,25.111263736263727,8.660442795831766,1.7800868131868133,725,25,146,15,16,242,99,182,0.091,0.772,0.136,0.8736,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,16,9,0,2,5,0,23,3,0,1,4,31,34,15,1,3,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,8,2,21,5,14,23,3,20,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,5,15,101,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251521533409074,0.0,0.0,0.07866847599445692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231230243067717,0.0,0.0,0.43709645015800586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223773824047252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483182591983695,0.0,0.2417284384468524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901723767163042,0.0,0.10464198833169984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058492852030383465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057322590377514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060439645914303286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222554822727892,0.0,0.11489942215357794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074310260158565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271528144713826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651692003663643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728450778777084,0.3486576731085046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454429789845679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844387909988396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334487766780713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838986351036073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069310483623383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894149538354043,0.22844621332835705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919958455297812,0.0,0.11707747479146854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569425703575936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818810946925325,0.0,0.18476934865857345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653853696512218,0.0,0.10902995415465598,0.12023903677567613,0.08697929542362523,0.09298169502537212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134316997170192,0.15370942468851956,0.0,0.11365805991461453,0.09183946070038072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,20-CharactersAllowed,2019/04/07,"DAE not remember their childhood? I turned 20 last week and had a thought of ""this is weird. I'm getting to an age where remember things that happened a whole decade ago."" I told that to my friend and she told me that's not normal, and that her first memory was from age 4.

I remember bits and pieces, maybe like one or two things a year from around age 4 to 9, but it's not until 10/11 that I actually have a solid sense of remembering things.

What are y'all's experiences with this? ",2.8362878787878785,4.377429737373742,3.7776641414141423,90.01982954545456,74.85858585858584,7.77828282828283,22.476010101010104,8.472884824447931,1.0317767676767675,380,10,86,7,8,122,68,99,0.015,0.9159999999999999,0.069,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,17,12,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,0,10,2,10,7,3,12,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,11,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.14776366401612706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422431833163415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479552579786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531096008692509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811740084408878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287974143211002,0.0,0.0,0.11698638910322876,0.0,0.07911047904907755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389983132720026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342716445613455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397595652390508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212131665396894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835903543798373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260582372850796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.686115450251487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017893148821997,0.0,0.0,0.12021022991957415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28937578836019023,0.0,0.0,0.16470101788190325,0.14791492400402226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145965068870067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905454953001373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750924270668422
bpd,Stephnoxious,2019/04/07,"DAE get so angry when they think a friend is lying to them? Sometimes I feel so lonely I think I should reach out and see a friend right? Then I try to do exactly that and they say ""oh sorry just having a day at home today as I went out last night"" then shortly after you see a photo of them on their insta story they are out at some cafe. 

You automatically conclude they lied and just don't want to see you. Then you remember you're lonely and suddenly you think all your friends are bullshit, no one cares about you and they're all fake bitches! 

That's when the anger hits. I was listening to music I ripped my phone off the dock and just slammed my hand so hard on my coffee table, I'm surprised it hasn't dented. I'm literally shaking and want to break my phone as I type this! DAE get this angry over something like that!?",2.273196078431376,4.104924241176473,3.475882352941177,90.32813725490196,77.17647058823529,6.180392156862745,20.745098039215687,7.0316486544052195,0.3444627450980393,651,16,140,7,15,211,101,170,0.23800000000000002,0.653,0.109,-0.9755,0,5,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,7,7,1,9,12,2,1,6,0,9,1,1,1,3,26,26,17,0,3,3,0,3,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,6,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,2,8,26,6,19,22,3,25,0,2,3,0,21,11,1,1,12,89,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396377176218626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636454983107596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123249648717688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182069535384171,0.0,0.1885379013729292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163279359553914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098930874102745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470772193436892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815059498261718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932442655191499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222662718450519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439575237830984,0.1540890499530075,0.0,0.1434878000096657,0.0,0.0,0.4313459313139553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890636737140774,0.17845314461562786,0.20198030394343644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468431138393687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710296682505645,0.0,0.0,0.1225023648580296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284846712889607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672634742045268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MomOfFour2018,2019/04/07,"What are little things your loved ones can do to make you feel loved and know you’re wanted? My husband has all the symptoms of BPD and we’re working on getting him in to see a specialist for a possible diagnosis. But he has days where he feels incompetent, not worthy, and really down. I just want to do small little things daily to make sure he knows I love him, he’s very worthy, and I’m not going anywhere. When he’s down, I reassure him, ask him what he needs, and give him many hugs and kisses. But I just want some ideas of little things I can do daily to make sure he knows I love him and to help him not get so down on the bad days. ",5.6224126984127,4.398712214814818,6.266243386243385,84.4866666666667,67.5925925925926,9.492063492063492,26.69312169312169,8.418075326091056,1.4089788359788362,499,10,114,6,7,164,74,135,0.075,0.695,0.23,0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,5,10,0,0,4,0,8,7,0,3,3,31,31,11,0,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,16,9,15,31,2,15,0,0,1,6,25,11,0,1,3,68,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492034031726755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157040335420723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829466705441634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723527659022896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512855188768674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396259807055061,0.12818425336827016,0.07594156101589583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956530624011844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084515664327072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203086585567324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017788581877853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482403269585898,0.0,0.2675850405108387,0.13547369589697275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908045386469433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905470358440224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064090813851128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560291371048416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648097499135603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25187795270517177,0.13888643104141785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663214125572993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025373972082876,0.23644457492197604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097279815352761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somethingsupersimple,2019/04/07,"A message of hope from someone who understands completely: I’m about to turn 30, and I’m secretly freaking out about it. I realize it isn’t really “old”, but I regret so much of my 20s—especially the things I did before I was diagnosed—that I’m mourning the years that I feel like I lost to poor choices.  

But something that I can say on the positive side is that I have matured from the person I was in those years. Yes, I still have BPD. I have occasional angry outbursts, strong feelings of self-doubt and terrified helplessness, and take even the littlest things personally. But I feel so much more stable and strong than I was before, due in large part to those past crises and how I grew stronger and more competent with each one. I’ve walked through so many fires—most of which I lit myself—that I know I can survive any others that may come. And I’ve spent enough years soaking in shame, that I finally got the motivation to analyze my life and realize that the things I was doing were hurting me in the long run, even if they provided perfect, pleasurable escapism at the time.  

I’m on medication that works for me. I’ve been through years of therapy, including the DBT program. And I’ve also just become wiser and more self-aware, more committed to making my life better. I had heard before that sometimes people “grow out” of BPD as they get older—not to mean that it’s not there anymore, because of course it will always be, but that they gain the psychological/emotional tools and experience to get a better hold on things. I feel like I’m moving in that direction.  

What I’m trying to say is that for those of you who are new to this diagnosis, or for those of you who are struggling (especially if you are in your 20s)...hang in there. You CAN do this. Things CAN get better. You may never feel that mythical “existential happiness” people talk about, but it IS possible to be happiER, to feel okay more often than not. There is no cure, but this condition is manageable. You are capable, even if you don’t believe it yet. You are stronger than you know, and you might have to go through hell before you realize it...but I believe in you. ",6.82710806856187,6.54919529567308,7.093239966555184,76.42241220735788,64.79326923076923,10.888628762541806,33.47157190635451,10.472087959537523,3.3180814381270904,1697,64,330,38,23,551,200,416,0.10300000000000001,0.7020000000000001,0.195,0.9921,0,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,13,3,12,18,21,1,2,13,2,36,3,0,3,3,57,65,28,1,5,13,0,6,2,0,4,3,3,0,2,37,17,0,1,15,0,2,7,6,9,0,1,12,10,43,12,51,47,10,36,1,5,1,0,27,15,1,9,16,232,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200617591717791,0.07492176281863831,0.0,0.0,0.06123132542570243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929699904377236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054888478595237065,0.09944379141008966,0.3064748274685046,0.20289193207799086,0.0,0.2389032381519796,0.0,0.0,0.22680830022206103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775628019416913,0.09440682703836653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128459764114853,0.0,0.09303696611215112,0.0,0.17841473642628508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807789017198779,0.0,0.0,0.2731662063469158,0.12865136852063466,0.0,0.09863609068329823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141128943232116,0.0,0.05117267430897261,0.0,0.0720144338982366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585087888358776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943155209472496,0.0,0.0,0.09639131600814724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896893594633492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719798550355646,0.08797948299050627,0.0,0.0,0.07968391718581437,0.0,0.0,0.09829096224409004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010341787745716,0.09128797492215744,0.0,0.09808161853636196,0.0,0.09070736472966118,0.0,0.09551983008236277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569989254173328,0.13238176403656754,0.0,0.06944557583751579,0.08696266702318273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448343506121536,0.0,0.061014468400500114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750619831899993,0.08595482510466985,0.12484691386987685,0.15724157511093764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015082917266652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057682907285626826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320927116583762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786589816706856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629189289640327,0.06931836584787476,0.08905337170105875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190727908092029,0.0,0.0,0.09413095322515144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770002184556838,0.07237196799303879,0.0,0.0,0.1029703323295061,0.0,0.2990979450511857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250393798272407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061132285763068936,0.0979393243572152,0.0,0.09373640418906698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555130341397432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193516280813914
bpd,kristyluoluo,2019/04/07,"I wan to commit suicide I’m a quiet BPD. Born and raised in a middle class family, just got my master’s degree and people always say I’m cute and pretty.

I tried to commit suicide once in Dec. 2018. Living with BPD is like living hell.

None of the antidepressants works for me. I have tried ashwagandha, kava kava, valerian. But my symptom is just too severe to treat. I don’t live in USA and can’t get cannabis and ketamine infusion. Sigh...

Thinking about trying Kratom. Has anyone tried it and found it useful?

Any other legal or illegal drug recommendation? (I live in China and Hong Kong)

I really need your help. I’m thinking about suicide in a month.",1.6018347338935612,4.333316690476192,3.5958263305322165,82.48348739495798,88.44444444444444,5.504388422035482,18.522875816993466,7.048011613610866,0.6722629318394024,517,14,91,8,17,174,86,126,0.17,0.67,0.16,-0.7577,0,0,1,0,0,5,22.0,0,1,0,2,5,5,1,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,2,19,16,9,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,2,10,3,13,14,1,8,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,3,49,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344360688425052,0.0,0.0,0.0927140813198667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533025346313412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434242692708734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581080555913082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285267311132818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494868802635153,0.0,0.0,0.07123064449141614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904144299059457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138405983354507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660754837292546,0.0,0.4815535536024058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882318155835684,0.0,0.0,0.1010924263467807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519484088549006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451916028758224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870411124935228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734120517014086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842094238788884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402241209389342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473928365070123,0.0,0.0,0.14170672168897705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471895292692016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702564773244239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775170646460895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925522325530736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beesanon,2019/04/07,"How do I believe someone loves me? Hey, I'm really young and just wondering if anyone here could help me out with not letting my BPD convince me my romantic partner will leave me like most people do. He's a great guy, and for short periods of time I believe him, but after that I just completely close myself off from opening up because I'm convinced he doesn't care. He knows I have BPD and has done so much to help me and I just don't know how to stop this. Thank you guys. ",3.4347619047619062,4.319936545454548,4.467128427128428,88.22545454545454,72.43434343434343,7.6773448773448765,27.274170274170274,7.957251820313856,1.4946352092352089,374,13,81,5,7,122,72,99,0.069,0.716,0.215,0.9249,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,2,0,22,18,9,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,15,7,10,14,2,11,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,3,6,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231185823253718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663285781392087,0.0,0.0,0.3941618915037928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44062466017585655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834803250543899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834058808312298,0.0,0.0,0.1396636425211093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900934577721486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928557943072035,0.0,0.3464071576355045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449752339946814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226877379101445,0.0,0.0,0.185220667670308,0.0,0.17887300188823124,0.0,0.08545968061394768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787694022731544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859024501083788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127119894655465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120616458736309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482136647941811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624540885260934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104774227344426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200036686876864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969905900431291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vareilol,2019/04/07,"Need advice on FP I have a huge crush on this guy I've gone on dates with but, I've already become obsessed with him, he realized this and said he was scared to commit, so I'm trying hard not to show how obsessive I am with him. I think we might date in the future but I'm scared if I tell him about my BPD now, he will be scared off, but I also don't know if it's bad to wait until we start dating and have that commitment set in place. 
TLDR: I have a person of interest, don't know if I should tell him about my BPD now, or until we start dating.",2.525573770491804,2.6457429918032784,4.285368852459019,91.500512295082,74.0,7.411475409836067,20.16803278688525,7.1686216300943375,0.1595540983606556,423,6,104,4,8,144,74,122,0.185,0.7240000000000001,0.091,-0.9031,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,0,7,7,0,5,3,0,11,0,0,1,2,27,22,14,0,5,8,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,2,16,1,17,15,0,21,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,5,11,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895465661833214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079806909115996,0.13826706723182966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436323355798533,0.0,0.1909530844757267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355198439035476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171196944765046,0.0,0.0,0.15488331846662415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004126168419425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834182498895939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820223170557069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509685187455994,0.18064239324300974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644663038605859,0.0,0.5193054310013432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24475724911231145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302242255162837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107865371123572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738690130357572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iaminhellhelpme,2019/04/07,Intense and Awkward Anybody else not know when to end a conversation gracefully? Am I autistic? Can life be so cruel to give a single person multiple mental disorders? Someone please tell me I'm not alone in this because I feel like an alien.,4.605,7.048569888888893,5.579722222222222,75.09625000000003,72.33333333333333,8.055555555555555,33.47222222222222,8.841846274778883,3.3555555555555565,195,10,31,4,4,64,40,45,0.126,0.644,0.23,0.5129,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063339213707013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030182564137195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338984020896578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470822388990364,0.0,0.2619690495569777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955283564175434,0.2113018725349056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28373453734306986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625503228509655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089147813088236,0.1445008297565457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29807184942160697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582595089608397,0.0,0.32467236619441403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506093796531493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585205745348362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway091119,2019/04/07,"Ex-friend with BPD passively slandering me on social media My former bestie found out through her new BFF (who followed me on social media) that I’m starting a family. We left off on not great terms; I was completely split into the “evil” category in her head. She requested to follow me, and I messaged her (in what I thought was a polite fashion) explaining why I wouldn’t like her to renter my life, due to our ended friendship. 

She only viewed this, and has since posted on a couple different social media’s about “removing toxic friendships from your life” and “not letting people you were once great friends with walk all over you” (we haven’t talked since May). We had a very photographed friendship, and lots of people knew we were close friends. So, anyone with a brain knows they’re about me. Screen shots of these posts have been sent to me and it’s hurtful. 

I have BPD as well, but don’t “split” like others do. Our friendship wasn’t healthy in the end, and a great deal was just us going different ways. She didn’t like where my life was headed, and I’m grateful I turned it around, because neither did I. I tried to end it on good terms, but she wouldn’t give me the time of day. She was just cold, wouldn’t meet with me so I could discuss a payment plan to give her money I owed her. Though, she took the liberty of telling people about how I was a bad person and how I owed her money. 

She was once a kind, loving person. Maybe she still is and I’m just seeing this side, as I’ve wronged her. But ever since I politely declined her follow request, she’s posting about me again. I’m being demonized and it’s hurtful, I wanted so badly to reconcile but I don’t think that’s ever going to be possible. I feel like a whole new hole has been ripped into my chest. 

How do I handle this?",3.9788611946712535,5.175623173184358,4.480558659217877,87.4637000429738,71.45810055865924,7.183669961323594,25.221744735711216,7.468242284971852,1.111014267296949,1408,41,286,15,26,446,181,358,0.08800000000000001,0.763,0.149,0.9670000000000001,6,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,7,3,0,1,21,19,1,0,14,0,33,8,4,3,3,53,60,23,0,5,9,0,1,4,2,4,3,0,0,2,13,23,0,0,8,0,4,9,11,6,1,0,20,5,57,13,38,32,6,47,1,2,3,1,49,18,0,2,20,191,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993162186961835,0.0,0.0,0.07630159554518844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431313985418307,0.05224906403785341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159018013599574,0.0956826170655081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898670992124419,0.0,0.0,0.06843382754103255,0.09483837897443008,0.0,0.05527696343408713,0.08836501139879753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910099229268167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774540852620245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550623010358564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080137384925899,0.0,0.04333841689451865,0.0612324641202153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397846808292093,0.19866196803221287,0.0,0.0,0.1644449684150848,0.0974238822203295,0.07189091739217411,0.0,0.2834923949354945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592988851467056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351232067997889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925555828898765,0.047104915315205886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312602578797048,0.08764603258228684,0.18162215077240199,0.1674976519093057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286903239284348,0.07735816641463461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861089350587106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556181094773784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825603517299724,0.0,0.0651876192312858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782651267988035,0.1496803215838676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966270767661588,0.2462643813356935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830113726587947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21270484145683613,0.0,0.0,0.2621168891099362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060667190851306965,0.0,0.06844948385603132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889182733773,0.07491581411294318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492060410980245,0.08421132177728505,0.06804552517174924,0.049979188494703175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522886568375664,0.05819262612777376,0.09322972982909897,0.0,0.0,0.10310063603259433,0.0,0.0,0.07072113878897315,0.050554988403106405,0.06803396736869692,0.0,0.0,0.07706512257705347,0.0,0.07734148840201292,0.09569406541472844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937123017323582,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDquery,2019/04/07,"Friendships are hard Hey everyone, I hate saying this but I definitely have BPD in a big way. I have a situation in my life and I’m wondering if anybody could give me some insight, relate or has any comments. Here goes:
I have/had a friend and we haven’t been friends for a very long time but we have connected fairly well I feel. She has done a lot of things to try and help me with my life situation over the last few months… Examples including paying a bill for me, trying to help me make some extra money, giving me money, giving me clothing, driving me places, giving me things that I could never afford on my own, letting me stay at her place when I needed a break from my current environment, helping me sort through issues, listening to me, spending time trying to help me get certain things done, etc. I’m not trying to sound like I have never done anything for her because I have but this isn’t about that right now. Why is it that I feel the need to yell and scream at her when we are doing something and it doesn’t work out the way I have expected it to? Can anybody relate to feeling like everybody in their lives, their families their friends their friends families must have BPD, and I’m the one who doesn’t have it? How about feeling and acting really entitled to things that I really shouldn’t be? Being really ungrateful? Being overly opinionated and having to push that opinion on other people? Not valuing other peoples time in the way that I could? An example of that would be taking five hours to get ready to go somewhere when I told the person I would only need one and a half hours, but getting very mad and borderline (no pun intended) aggressive when that person ask/ me to please hurry up because they had something planned. On that note, can anybody relate to taking overly long periods of time to get my ducks in a row to go to a doctors appointment? Or to the mall? I’m talking like 5 or 6 hours kind of thing? I get upset when I can’t have that time or when somebody questions why I I need that time and I don’t really pay attention to the fact that another person is sitting there waiting for me for that whole period of time. I know there could be a simple answer to this, which is you have BPD honey! I know I have BPD that’s not my issue, I’m wondering if anybody else can relate to any of these things and also if anybody has insight into why we can do them, how we can change, how we can help our loved ones cope with us, and why I push everyone out of my life including the people who try to help me the most and care about me the most? Thanks so much in advance. Also, I’m brand new to this so I’m sorry if I broke any rules. ",5.417225467289717,5.509278504672898,6.126948014018693,80.91331921728975,67.69158878504673,9.154789719626171,29.42903037383177,8.930421266530582,2.201459112149532,2100,68,419,33,32,689,230,535,0.055999999999999994,0.777,0.168,0.9966,2,0,2,0,0,0,47.0,8,1,6,3,23,19,3,1,23,0,53,5,0,5,5,84,94,39,0,17,15,0,5,3,5,4,4,5,0,3,34,25,0,1,13,1,6,7,13,6,1,5,6,11,67,13,60,74,11,61,0,1,0,1,48,22,0,19,29,303,101,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444002349557228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120462329894862,0.061916120890211285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859080132305915,0.0,0.05520114629832668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198923067561183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974714450410401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060202539422606664,0.0,0.062464091342621236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885774869879881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060437294913682764,0.0,0.1812773100679843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932634550059683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585321862859381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284422953333947,0.0,0.0,0.11132886010601982,0.0,0.11942412169048733,0.042183320080075866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824788316817928,0.0,0.1542485829048487,0.2265737574954577,0.06711575087155452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289467885557693,0.05829686966836355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374684968256588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444874640518093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325983840631193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061488555757585876,0.06490157626794557,0.048131335919509785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603797462553327,0.125120316971446,0.08654241460803876,0.0,0.05213974530647158,0.10450979954696199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501998043279452,0.053292388956775384,0.0,0.03941445385906917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043406474329295036,0.1751309551414528,0.0910816569581769,0.0570281382971468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003570018648445,0.0449080442343918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280764804933995,0.15467317065662065,0.1233834795494888,0.06481607654504871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614635971352377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130855235565796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050425972546268134,0.0,0.04695669073317298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274301769366875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091481412480122,0.0,0.06609848827444101,0.0,0.06293644171435411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879226777853327,0.047459889867952736,0.0,0.0543627138294511,0.0,0.0,0.2353699520768976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24101621503142076,0.0,0.0,0.05642211476666974,0.0,0.20044581003866965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102649211836158,0.0,0.0,0.0974402215173252,0.0,0.14060671882468195,0.0,0.0,0.05309050973836095,0.0,0.21312359759531524,0.06592407228995596,0.0,0.0,0.1280683046255669,0.04298705323347318,0.0,0.0,0.08389085079847149,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scorpioslust,2019/04/07,"Do you ever feel like you've spent your entire life taking out anger on the wrong people? I grew up in an abusive/neglectful family, and I've always been like their punching bag. I would get very emotional and cry when my mom yelled at me and called me names. I would internalize when my family would constantly tell me how horrible I was. I never had the guts to stand up to them, at best I would isolate myself. My whole life I've hoped in my heart I could one day have some validation from them that I'm a good person, that they would protect me from bad people. But it will never happen.

I think it's led to me being very confused about what love is. I am attracted to the most horrific people. I also have major trust issues, and I get angry with people who are trying to help me and push them away. Recently I've finally started standing up for myself and taking my anger out on the right people, who've made my life hell and have socially impaired me. It's been therapeutic oddly enough. It's like all of this pent up rage towards these people was leaking into my other relationships.",5.189702380952383,5.882570523148153,6.051216931216931,79.15833333333335,68.30555555555556,8.94920634920635,26.076719576719576,9.04235418022936,1.9315552910052909,867,23,165,15,14,286,130,216,0.168,0.691,0.141,-0.8676,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,5,1,7,16,4,1,6,0,20,6,2,3,4,32,33,12,0,7,1,1,1,3,0,6,3,1,0,1,11,11,0,1,2,0,1,3,2,7,0,1,7,2,34,9,26,18,7,31,1,0,0,1,17,16,1,4,13,119,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920848843535352,0.09282061054943944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048072393581262,0.0,0.09314167219410804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706745927453628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390756777930505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054861530012237,0.0,0.08906558863745243,0.0,0.12253517557718012,0.07194212954691062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548154019097574,0.0,0.11526354524121067,0.0,0.0,0.1009056165165946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103235251684279,0.0,0.056404292292597615,0.07969312336532175,0.0,0.1222003035566057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656314697873407,0.0,0.0,0.09356493864647926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986455012472974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321902414368363,0.07477128470439852,0.0,0.0,0.11079679595781354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643182055676372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363784746431859,0.1634967401949186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006804803297354,0.10555366620486882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064893169974842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207231935530606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559085633093263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640187177122481,0.09740333420132703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014462915072602,0.11976563024244735,0.0,0.0952652196014356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371371858650077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895742877910049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677471838757318,0.0,0.09750179585121847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147833329110673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573682032210881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408497907191074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454437478545673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396218452531319,0.1219651394094316,0.0,0.0
bpd,l0ve_d0ve,2019/04/07,DAE Have trouble with confrontation? My therapist thinks I have PTSD which is causing my BPD like symptoms. Is anyone else afraid of being triggered and a situation ending in violence because by the time you have to deal with it you're already in a volatile place? Normal people can seethe and sit at a 4 to 7 on the anger scale. I'm either at a 3 or I'm at a boiling 9 about to go to 11. It feels like I have no in-between. ,2.549951845906904,3.8719985056179818,4.218009630818621,87.46707865168541,75.17977528089888,6.8834670947030485,27.32102728731942,7.447530270364453,1.4063341894060994,333,13,71,4,7,112,63,89,0.17600000000000002,0.767,0.057,-0.885,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,1,7,0,8,2,0,2,0,11,13,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,2,15,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,4,43,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551906525668841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616957108603671,0.2369434423370541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096814482626902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912518813764117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23755794149001064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384090883506737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318010071843625,0.0,0.20481928447802866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692718983256112,0.16520538748625702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142497565528652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595460499832776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22657636903613326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603199640976086,0.0,0.2416075300578772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703194334129535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25993522596785346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403577905732973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684996282571529,0.0,0.1481759686353013,0.0,0.0,0.1348440132232112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cherryybrat,2019/04/07,"Lamictal & mood swings? Hello everyone! back in 2017 one of the nearly 20 meds i ended up trying that year was lamictal! i don't remember too much of it though as the entire time i took it, i was also taking abilify & zoloft with it. November 2018 i finally stopped all my meds after taking just Lithium for about 7 months as it was taking a huge toll on my kidneys:( Now as of about 1.5 weeks ago my doctor and i decided to give Lamictal on its own another shot. I'm excited that i do remember it having a weight loss effect on me (during the last two years i'd gained nearly 80 pounds due to antipsychotics and lithium completely messing up my thyroid & such). 
But!- since i've started i've really noticed my BPD symptoms actually worsening than when i wasn't being medicated! To anybody else who has taken it: did you have problems with mood swings & paranoia when first starting? did it lighten up or should i bring this up w my doc my next apt? (for reference she's having me start on 25 mg twice daily)",4.241516666666667,5.705348785000004,5.658000000000001,78.2456666666667,71.15,9.133333333333336,29.333333333333336,9.558583805096642,2.831633333333334,807,32,149,19,15,272,133,200,0.071,0.892,0.038,-0.7437,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,4,11,6,0,0,5,0,14,7,1,1,1,16,25,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,12,4,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,3,0,4,8,1,20,1,28,15,3,35,0,1,0,0,5,12,0,1,21,99,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.1176823120062402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689927198207748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643894864706018,0.0,0.5226540341365409,0.0,0.0,0.12645328499386085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272931373105923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188387481513413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264404758163659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343303114110613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007407818127498,0.0,0.10681045703935403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523269959365284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210479188749816,0.0,0.10257716332804552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568471795700234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830017531229504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26790541387507355,0.12148573060088146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625695073843113,0.0,0.08865043852914925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825304776630855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729702617453446,0.0,0.0,0.08171759032963406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153921360269628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725558068699788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732189033969307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997565723827716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560710831295931,0.0,0.0,0.10082195291381436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534330216770767,0.2720149562315004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848295636509056,0.0,0.07031930962016858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339843301277935,0.08187538488591735,0.0,0.11780277886937646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967332030082619,0.1468509587393746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531711669585851
bpd,Chinapopsxo,2019/04/07,"DAE feel like they want to lose control? But there’s so much “stability” in your life that losing control would literally rip you apart? 

I have a stable job, partner and college balance and I honestly feel like I want to go on a promiscuous binge, I want to drink too much and party too much and generally lose control but I also feel like everything is so fragile that it would do more harm than good. 

I’m in my first year at college and I want to go out and flirt and dance and get a bit too much & I want to regret the stupid things I do but I don’t want to hurt my partner so I am behaving & I am starting to struggle to balance everything. I want to get black out drunk and not overthink everything like I normally do. I want to have some normal, college-related regrets. 

I’m so stuck and I don’t know what to do. Sorry for the rambling.

/rant over.",1.4960479797979789,3.690380852272728,3.308560606060606,88.75714646464647,81.38636363636364,6.411111111111111,25.118686868686872,7.594959193182576,1.3206398989898993,674,27,142,11,18,225,90,176,0.20199999999999999,0.64,0.158,-0.9468,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,1,7,9,16,1,1,5,0,13,3,0,3,0,39,33,18,0,14,4,0,4,4,2,2,1,0,0,2,5,12,2,3,4,3,0,3,3,9,0,1,1,5,20,7,20,30,7,14,0,6,1,0,5,8,0,1,7,93,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193063061286643,0.0,0.2220128651852053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185078053337136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447250610872863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036371507337996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762310909483565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540805537201174,0.2195746604616448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714540956582646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705362578930544,0.0,0.11645138553402222,0.08593167041626744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967672155281856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166755722277283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563048046218575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236470366777578,0.20021100775292056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438519195531328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30125530958997065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076193259286568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146863506897795,0.07251587875665093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071048178811431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806439292441331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834295912687151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555757303238925,0.0,0.0,0.06597557052615051
bpd,ILuvFluffyAnimals,2019/04/07,"I think I want to get a divorce and be by myself. I’m on marriage number 2. I was single for 7 years after my first husband. I can look back now and see that the demise of my first marriage was 75% my fault because of BPD. I’ve now been married for 2 years. He’s a great guy but he just doesn’t get mental illness and he’s mostly unsympathetic. He can’t fix things around the house, he always wants sex but doesn’t treat me womanly at all. I don’t want to be your cum dumpster bro. I feel like I do a lot of the “manly” shit around the house and I hate it. I want to be a queen for a bit. I want to depend on someone else to do it for once. He also sucks as a stepdad. He’s awkward and barely tries. It pisses me off. That’s the short list. It’s just a lot of small things and it may be me not picking because of BPD but if that’s the case then I would rather be alone. If it’s a legit complaint list, then I want to be alone. If it’s not legit and I am just being a borderline, then I want to be alone. I just kinda miss my freedom and not because I want to date or even go out. I’m totally content being alone. It’s strange because I used to do anything possible to keep someone around. What should I do?",-0.2918057784911703,1.5327461423220967,2.094471642589621,97.0304073033708,85.70411985018727,4.5633493846977,19.27354200107009,5.543175910156928,-0.4108907437132152,928,26,225,5,28,316,127,267,0.158,0.743,0.098,-0.9572,0,4,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,1,0,3,13,10,4,1,15,0,25,4,2,3,2,50,47,20,0,14,15,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,14,12,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,2,3,3,27,3,30,32,7,23,0,1,2,1,16,10,3,10,13,150,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239256773825246,0.0,0.08183202896654246,0.08514547241407683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420760000260928,0.2732820611074908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868426599151815,0.0,0.2495139070015995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171617066865147,0.0,0.2577582152810341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548229414635346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758697983576151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174034177330565,0.07310346912100336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408106410380825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692478919096833,0.0,0.0581556194730277,0.0,0.0,0.1128174835411874,0.0,0.1013212590927928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102816477134696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23614659774309374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095423303855626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999251459223101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593013061705057,0.0,0.0,0.1739919872879647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312301532696186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897646556580078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535995854682053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815425305968901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503868916560499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340513670915442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596495795812966,0.06556794250130983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947430433062317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837893072919174,0.0,0.0,0.4828477947754591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726911989056236,0.0,0.0,0.13179234086188674
bpd,bobby-pickle,2019/08/20,"Using music to relate to the pain... You wake up in the morning, but you feel like you never got up and you went to work. You feel like you ain't got a purpose, and you trying to get motivated but everything you do turns into a mess, like you ain't nothing but worthless... And you look around, a lot of these other people you looking at, you describe as perfect... So you point a finger at God and tell him to do his job, and fix you’re life up because nothing is working... And you will try to hide and make it seem like it's nothing, but really you feel like everything is crashing around you; and you develop a problem in trusting in other people.
Which later became an issue that will mentally pound you.
You only get one life, but every time you’re looking at yours you feel like all you ever see are mistakes... and the problem, and the reason you could never move forward in life is because you were never awake.
You spend your life in a dream that you can't escape, because you live your life in a coma, you're never awake.
You spend your life in a dream that you can't escape. 
(WAKE UP- By NF)",4.109864864864868,4.845427554054055,5.011729729729733,85.49137837837841,70.75675675675676,7.0010810810810815,26.06126126126126,6.742157984588678,1.0496050450450447,855,25,172,6,15,279,106,222,0.067,0.789,0.145,0.9625,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,32,0,4,4,14,0,0,13,0,14,11,3,4,7,39,31,17,0,4,5,0,5,6,0,2,8,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,7,2,2,3,8,6,0,1,4,9,34,8,26,24,2,28,0,1,4,0,35,19,0,2,14,120,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744806617476063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921875428447587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824462535786307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864615708075083,0.08256880427272645,0.0,0.17615126063455286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820596423494044,0.2800434455870418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240138649967216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675830294512405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228601549226228,0.09724938081160008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153196643971172,0.2872656292848859,0.0,0.08653535271724416,0.0,0.24688469111409303,0.0,0.0,0.08331566923316355,0.0,0.0,0.06541542630874254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876044488287668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041579578898848,0.0,0.0,0.30233301925886424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820994859666196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640699651320524,0.07453303472854424,0.10427837601217133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588102611369127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926412024350519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754457011968376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278098823781221,0.10075980637683137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809291236385055,0.08921506294167858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565588129835161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714429573756185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307045341655752,0.10659531323626116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464010181833641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084651703752857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268960433037786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spoapy69,2019/08/20,"DAE Feel Reluctant to get Medicated I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression about five years ago but recently figured out it's BPD. BPD feels a little more dangerous than anxiety/depression but I'm afraid of being medicated because what if I become a passive shell of what I am now? My emotions are intense sometimes but I still want to feel something. Anyway, DAE have the same feeling? Losing whatever sense of self I have is scary",5.184910714285714,7.702147812500005,6.124642857142856,71.50750000000002,70.875,10.071428571428571,35.17857142857143,10.290406445055957,4.487857142857143,355,19,56,11,7,117,61,80,0.207,0.7120000000000001,0.081,-0.9115,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,3,0,7,3,0,0,0,14,14,5,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,6,0,9,12,2,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610812596932992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901309682671326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077306764950028,0.2006922785094018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45773269412766504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130253725307787,0.18443904824612944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044072977334981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36752653659026135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493969333247436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212828964485986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032949720507788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366121754753048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942373013825466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957058365706494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989471426314504,0.17972287482410712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451195240600725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718146350602233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701986526856152
bpd,femmevaporeon,2019/08/20,"How to stop comparing friendships? 
I have a friend who I’ve known for a few months and I got attached to her very quickly. She has this other friend and she’s always posting about her on social media, talking about how much she loves her etc. yet never posts about me this way. She’s known me for longer. I was explaining my BPD to my friend and casually mentioned about how the way she spoke about her friend upsets me and makes me paranoid that she hates me, as an example and she didn’t seem to really care and she still does it.

Am I just being too sensitive or does anyone else think that I really mean nothing to her?",2.8657381818181804,4.832686512000001,3.5682181818181853,89.72010909090912,75.88,6.785454545454545,21.763636363636365,7.686295010490155,0.7891600000000003,494,13,102,7,11,156,77,125,0.07,0.7490000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,13,9,1,1,4,0,6,1,0,4,1,20,16,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,25,7,14,11,3,11,0,0,0,1,24,1,0,2,6,75,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334343535555995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205270917611616,0.16419826162432505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018331975982362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338873848576901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804771744860849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338709204420923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787245923535431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952446590259492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816906129693872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582167809553638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463469956668884,0.0,0.10697020351471458,0.0,0.0,0.17456262998684438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791251330821074,0.0,0.1178044838440032,0.0,0.1235970872019549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376719288822507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30695638619933513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532450730986507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588842384680742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633578770234773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797835046849168,0.13397878589456624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880538941662098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268373002620183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322256089542237,0.0,0.2544029386104955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chromecast730,2019/08/20,"DAE completely over analyze every social interaction?? I find myself constantly over analyzing every conversation I have with a stranger or employee to the point where I stress about what I’m about to say before I even say it. It’s so hard to feel normal in a social setting when every second of your mind is occupied with you replaying what you just said a million times to make sure it sounded right! 

Ughh I know I can’t be the only one who feels like this, but how do you prep yourself to just live in the moment and forget about analyzing your every word.",8.951388888888891,7.274350620370374,9.113629629629632,68.19433333333333,61.314814814814824,12.343703703703707,35.48888888888889,11.20814326018867,3.8770755555555554,449,15,81,10,5,149,76,108,0.063,0.903,0.034,-0.447,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,0,10,3,0,1,6,0,5,0,0,2,1,18,11,6,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,7,12,2,15,9,0,12,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,5,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488432189921718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852127342518614,0.18399768853683046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245947263148433,0.0,0.5738277608111074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218380119183646,0.12163848132965485,0.0,0.0,0.15562057275189245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252541512139348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357406147912994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318365223932242,0.0,0.15034851272860733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136542666806208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192071186780258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682510088864594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537704356689632,0.12949540931787554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609569565055268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540673205559346,0.16196251163886793,0.27080564252443584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471306795644715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950397962189202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047424000088767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928381413246444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Extrovet78,2019/08/20,"person w/oBPD needs advice on how to talk to best friend Hi everyone, I do not suffer from BPD, but I am fairly certain my best friend does.  Full disclosure, he has been diagnosed (and struggling with) ADHD for some time. He has mentioned to me the possibility that he is bipolar and vaguely referenced ""other diagnoses,"" but has not disclosed what they are or might be.  He is a survivor of significant childhood trauma, and his behavior seems consistent with BPD. I have read extensively about BPD (not just all the awful stuff out there, but the good stuff including academic research and a lot of this forum).  I am not asking anyone here to help diagnose my friend, just giving background.  If he does have BPD, I feel like he is working on recovery, which is great!

There has been some significant tension in recent months relating to our friendship and living arrangement (we are housemates).  Being honest, the tension and feeling like he was shutting me out/pushing me away had my feelings pretty hurt, but after reading about BPD I feel like I have a framework to understand what he is going through.  The possibility that he might have BPD doesn't scare me or make me want to run away, it makes me feel like there is hope that I can support him and the two of us can chart a path forward.

However, the big sticking point is that I don't know how to communicate with him in a way that won't upset/scare him/cross his boundaries.  I don't need to assert that I believe he may have BPD, as I am not his healthcare provider.  What I do want to communicate to him is that he is my best friend, I love him and I am am trying desperately to better understand him, and want to support him on his journey. I need him to be comfortable communicating his needs to me (a big problem for him) and for him to have faith that when he does communicate his needs, that they are important to me.  However, I also need to let him know that my needs and boundaries are important too.

Any advice you can give about how to approach this conversation is greatly appreciated.",7.138619962511719,7.177539858247425,7.285089034676663,74.24440018744143,64.07731958762886,10.353514526710404,34.904404873477034,10.018931242160765,3.3978463917525774,1627,67,298,32,22,526,180,388,0.061,0.6609999999999999,0.278,0.9986,2,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,3,1,2,5,15,31,0,4,13,1,49,5,0,5,2,65,79,24,0,13,14,0,5,4,4,4,4,0,0,1,20,16,0,0,10,2,0,5,9,8,0,1,4,5,52,23,43,67,8,25,1,2,0,1,48,14,0,11,11,221,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782316646453199,0.12722036373359188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052056530839948906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426690266207586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045516009981747235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085513468374135,0.0,0.1223179852856697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333989053621646,0.2049398855747536,0.057571329246937177,0.0,0.0,0.5738950296563807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821047977369166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089549151590702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062201161090223236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457020137511222,0.18601582010685191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116926229961074,0.0,0.0,0.12489030982863294,0.036995047499699216,0.054598684493101665,0.0,0.14353516307528968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043631875804932725,0.0,0.0,0.06465412571052707,0.0,0.0,0.06968565474512756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154913312176389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656415377102019,0.0,0.1272087181756714,0.0,0.057480169086588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553415292676118,0.05875087249195773,0.0,0.08690297426495551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381112360758757,0.0,0.0,0.051958290659230764,0.0,0.0,0.3378703615763459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683853363841763,0.0,0.0,0.06153591350983743,0.14676989720597225,0.0,0.06622512248513371,0.0,0.0622872228704899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022543854213975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642735616845987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517155464780895,0.0,0.0,0.05926013752684901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805153595706923,0.14903663953628488,0.0,0.1477383043330336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052320978524269236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03795747839685527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044195302397423725,0.0,0.06358845753999533,0.13553259712351975,0.07830139469599402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518433599822556,0.05166946331918442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739001070815568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gollyohgolly,2019/08/20,"Tips for taking care of a friend with BPD? Hello! Lurker, first time posting. I do not have BPD myself, but I do have ASPD, but I really want to make sure I am 100% there for a close friend who has it. She lurks on this subreddit sometimes, so hi if you see this R! 

Anyway, I noticed she has problems with attachment, overthinking in the sense that if I'm tired and sound less energetic, she thinks I'm mad at her. I want this to prevent from happening as much as I can, as I am aware I can't 'cure' it. She has all the typical symptoms from what I've noticed, and is honestly the loveliest individual you can imagine if you just straight up communicate honestly with her.

So, any tips for reassuring her she's appreciated are very much welcome! Thanks!",2.5684169884169883,4.760888351351352,4.239613899613904,83.49554054054056,77.64864864864866,7.742084942084942,26.11196911196911,8.634040054169528,1.978556370656371,588,23,119,13,14,197,96,148,0.079,0.633,0.287,0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,1,5,11,1,0,5,0,14,2,0,1,2,22,25,12,0,6,7,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,21,9,18,25,4,9,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,3,2,84,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230763172528275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530423906870538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337425551340888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298465146677814,0.0,0.0,0.2779111996564725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904526604845226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200546721482712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644283776377529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095324342234661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722514639504733,0.0,0.0,0.17209703543503438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521977896256105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332122436528036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177881287301611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951129802885392,0.18693830842735965,0.1352286477895785,0.0,0.0,0.1655864066827177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524388229813445,0.0,0.0,0.10487495193469323,0.2067169733260131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483992888769367,0.21216638919203987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlackBalverine,2019/08/20,Looking for advice for my girlfriend with bpd My girlfriend has bpd and honestly lately the episodes have gotten more frequent and a lot worse. Her mom and I have talked about the possibility of going to therapy meetings but she just brushes it off and anytime we press a little harder and she has an episode. Its affected her social life a lot as she no longer really has anyone to reach out to either than myself and her parents. I really don't want to leave her and especially not like this but it's starting to become impossible even dangerous to be around her at all. What can I do to make her more comfortable with the idea of going to therapy or starting to manage this better?,4.3353088133240805,6.4460495954198525,5.358362248438585,77.85719639139488,72.12977099236642,8.122414989590563,27.93962526023595,8.841846274778883,2.42383358778626,551,21,96,11,11,181,85,131,0.111,0.7909999999999999,0.098,-0.2285,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,7,0,9,1,0,2,1,25,17,11,0,1,6,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,3,16,4,22,15,6,11,0,0,1,0,17,5,0,3,5,80,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593887718342403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404999509320125,0.0,0.0,0.14520208741328336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801416913965284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425714865506334,0.0,0.0,0.41086155551213455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773232440879447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853978407819777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413083665891308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399468541723316,0.17270947023629313,0.0,0.0,0.11520910418806155,0.07968709081467036,0.1634786270376859,0.0,0.0,0.13697094811193036,0.0,0.0,0.2773398258745653,0.0,0.0,0.10887689620067068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103194240054494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811138608939279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838815184248737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898431839250367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662696530048246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308995686438253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110128384182526,0.0,0.0,0.3730599882903869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620624303901973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622257393634587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stupidturtle23,2019/08/20,"I go from hurting so much I can't put it into words to numb so quickly I go from hurting so much I can't put it into words to numb so quickly. I think it's dissociation. Just went for a drive crying my eyes out for the first half then just numb/my usual self on the way home. my usual mindset is more towards numb because if I let the feelings out it's so intense.

​

The part of me that feels things intensely wants to do things like help people etc then end myself, the part of me that's numb just wants to maximize meaningless pleasure for myself like food sex etc.

​

Idk my point, just feeling super fucked up right now. I've been alone and isolated for too long now I don't feel like there's a way forward",2.4884307692307712,4.29199092,3.4633333333333347,90.78346153846157,76.46666666666667,5.948717948717951,24.205128205128197,6.67199483983844,0.6824974358974356,578,19,122,5,13,185,84,150,0.18899999999999997,0.682,0.128,-0.8426,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,15,12,1,0,7,0,7,8,1,0,0,19,18,9,0,3,5,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,8,5,1,0,5,0,0,7,3,7,0,2,2,5,14,5,19,15,7,29,0,2,1,2,2,10,1,1,15,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400795966809125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594627363396607,0.2909789993854576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298852644908868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131521800801146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060484819519468,0.0,0.2670693571536705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216373985000186,0.08553774903495516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184538813337453,0.1447824142451886,0.0,0.0,0.11069183724610332,0.0,0.0,0.13609479394807464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025494692618766,0.0,0.12010262122925187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563547140668468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243577727354728,0.0,0.17548745161758603,0.0,0.0,0.105960519328158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603603038468024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25931976681073365,0.0,0.08300824242438852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318700793120967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24073079343448905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225188952216932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490831799479628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909144382902166,0.07672049326594847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637394163802654,0.0,0.14124402708994818,0.19007800878993814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109943003131721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909789993854576,0.0
bpd,chidoriana,2019/08/20,"Bipolar ↔️ Borderline Visited a new psych here at home after seeing someone else while I was away in college. Turns out my previous psych misdiagnosed me (twice - in 2018). First one was clinical depression. Second one was bipolar.

I had a hard time accepting my bipolar state but eventually I came to terms with it. Since last year, I've reclaimed myself and looked past all the stigma surrounding BP. Now, I feel like I'm back at square one with needing to accept BPD.

I've always felt like my hypomanic/depressive episodes fell too short of the minimum time period requirements for BP. Anyway, I know BPD is one of the more stigmatized disorders  because of its portrayal in media. Where do I start? How do I regulate my emotions? Has anyone else gone through this?",4.687592695074709,7.362606237410077,5.303741007194244,76.0815882678473,72.9568345323741,9.456779192030993,30.83619258439402,9.851270322608157,3.6316027670171542,613,28,102,18,13,197,102,139,0.026000000000000002,0.884,0.09,0.8654,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,5,0,8,4,0,1,1,15,19,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,7,7,6,13,4,17,12,3,29,0,1,3,0,1,10,0,0,16,65,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816315928942754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769955923706948,0.15781930249127932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471383923278675,0.11843758487592115,0.0,0.09389369070752407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387984308109378,0.0,0.0,0.1761663446878116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26532719672447397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652877723026686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573403040815951,0.1732601253986888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788089579364736,0.11003722560843912,0.14789048596792334,0.0,0.0,0.13101565189225994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797832175533647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450206929068772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464944647057762,0.12555291189401194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505000425578437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934424703730474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420938646685355,0.0,0.14876065013185952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174918869168787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703660895234802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227399184178401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741308042872024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050694022566767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902140657984068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962926428442488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753761198435208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991886138869787
bpd,elidawood,2019/08/20,"BPD research? Hi y'all. I'm looking to apply to PhD programs in clinical psychology. There seems to be a lot of pessimism about the recovery for those with BPD. I have had close relationships with people who have BDP and I myself show similar mild symptoms stemming from my own neurodiversity. I don't think people with BPD are evil. I don't want the world to continue hating others due to the fact that they haven't gotten the right treatment and don't know how to behave in a world that has broken them since childhood.

I think I'm passionate about the subject of BPD, where it stems from, and possibly new ways to significantly improve the lives of those with BPD and their personal connections.

My question is what are some ideas you all have about what needs to be researched in the area of BPD?",7.000957602339178,7.398001098684214,6.833508771929827,76.1506725146199,64.32894736842105,9.913450292397664,32.678362573099406,9.725611199111238,2.9642827485380114,645,24,119,12,9,204,94,152,0.098,0.861,0.040999999999999995,-0.8216,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,3,0,6,3,2,0,9,0,14,3,0,1,2,22,25,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,13,1,25,21,4,14,0,0,1,1,10,9,0,4,4,81,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8688100613549911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350984608822352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978802011589954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318493578614477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152130806482286,0.0,0.09654650188645916,0.0,0.0,0.097744048614265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524937906819477,0.0,0.11103949899251543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941253001333588,0.10038805339570578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961228355508275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879358965740356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234355947086805,0.0,0.09818442079544604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466508316571352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095105020066514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949866543251175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733727131418706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781274681303627,0.09125845637769607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CMGAngel,2019/08/20,"I called my boyfriend a worthless cunt and told him to go jump off a bridge Yeah. And the worst part is I don't feel bad over it right now. I just want to continue.

I got so angry I slapped him, so he slapped my back. He yanked my hair, and pinched my nipple, so I put my hand on his throat and squeezed. Eventually he restrained me and told me to calm down. I told him I hated him and he should just leave me already.

I fucking hate him. Lying cheating bastard",0.3998863636363623,2.613434291666664,1.4573863636363669,100.15806818181822,86.29166666666666,4.324242424242423,22.26893939393939,5.565023196281405,-0.11757083333333362,356,13,84,2,11,111,61,96,0.299,0.596,0.105,-0.9763,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,6,0,3,1,3,4,3,0,0,12,13,9,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,9,0,0,4,4,23,1,7,8,2,11,0,1,0,1,14,5,3,0,3,52,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346330897954016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349279339421666,0.17753005417671014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171103030752385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750780859544501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656513166014572,0.0,0.0,0.12083768666332005,0.0,0.17005282049731898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419839383689217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22513544667160887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23024834248572634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374331334340316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815775817483004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6095068060644768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540965744121402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sammawammadingdong,2019/08/20,"DAE cancel therapy because they feel ashamed and lazy? I've canceled my scheduled session twice in the past month or so (try to go every week). My last session was an emergency session since my regular therapist had a scheduling oversite, I sat down with someone else which really helped, but I just couldn't bring myself out of bed for it today. Maybe because I scheduled it before work? Does anyone ever do this and feel extreme guilt and shame, because they know they should be talking  it out, but just cant handle it on certain days?",5.965857142857143,7.4114457000000025,5.793428571428574,78.97100000000002,67.0,8.114285714285714,34.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,2.9141714285714286,430,20,72,6,7,134,79,100,0.14,0.8340000000000001,0.026000000000000002,-0.8686,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,4,4,0,3,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,18,13,7,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,2,10,1,9,7,0,17,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,10,46,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283240074355806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39972303323683905,0.0,0.18599083508616607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096249632329874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912760532327004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259098161346202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977131854005769,0.184158477311166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103571009054154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422094834912745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465059070618617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012285117373807,0.17816742316343384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958750422479897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744641128070381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086541310156484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002444748718113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808071184877323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851974987611615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568193609947114,0.0,0.0,0.2499590358824237,0.2537818880101888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718310702824366,0.0,0.0,0.14839776530707466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532731207826946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591248686054604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeanutBlubr,2019/08/20,"Why Starting Therapy (AGAIN) Is So Hard READ THIS FIRST: If you're going to take time out of your day to comment, please know I'm not looking for advice. This is a reflection of where I'm at right now and a nice summary of why I've made the choice to go back to therapy.   No judgement needed. Yeah, I should delete some photos and maybe I could have used my laptop.  The point is I started a ""simple"" task for self-betterment and it ended up hella frustrating with extra steps and things going wrong. I'm going back in there to do the damn thing, just wanted to let you know. For the past 6 months, I've given up but today that changes. It's funny giving up just felt like living my life, adjusting to changes with a dash of awareness that I'm neglecting important self-care. My last couple tries at therpay I've only made it a few sessions in...before *something else* came up and I quit. 


Me: Grow up and get you some therapy again.

Me: Okay!  *Goes to BetterHelp, redirected to.         PrideCounseling*   Sweet!  *half-way through the questions*  ""Oops I made a wrong selection!""  *hits back but is redirected to BetterHelp*  ""Okay let me just type Pride Counseling and go back directly to their site""  ""Oh wow there's an App!""  ""Oh well I'm out of storage"" *starts again & gets to actual sign-up and email verification* ""Oh no! My phone is so full I can't get new emails on the app"" *goes to browser, signs in (this is 3 screen process because they're like ""Use the App!"") ""Hmm...No email."" *Back @ PrideCounseling.com I click resend e-mail*  *Back @ my email on my browser* ""I gotta log in again. Fuuuuuck."" 

Sound familair?",0.6239731182795687,3.1183764806451606,2.040362903225809,91.93721102150542,95.48387096774192,5.422043010752689,19.361559139784948,6.996647511020387,0.5934139784946235,1239,40,252,22,48,397,178,310,0.062,0.805,0.133,0.9725,0,0,1,0,0,0,84.0,0,3,1,3,20,14,2,0,14,3,13,1,0,5,0,39,46,13,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,13,0,1,6,1,0,8,4,5,1,1,6,7,21,9,38,34,5,50,0,1,3,0,12,19,1,4,25,136,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.09074784581887878,0.0,0.0,0.09087177568580328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075797904090043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290356973056609,0.0,0.056687727277771285,0.0,0.07913027415622413,0.0,0.0,0.08224483508342341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635932646733484,0.0,0.0,0.19674872707780686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424741904294341,0.10289509030962696,0.0,0.05997285282708011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768379784323037,0.0,0.08236427991606167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928795398661321,0.0,0.0,0.0790998786779259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457551611867136,0.08920744986898163,0.2642505931611825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330354696861766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022131455176439,0.07580178364218307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018347920658585,0.06568377277934981,0.09086345742215406,0.0,0.08211460615780769,0.0,0.07809077847242239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639769434904856,0.0,0.0,0.09342406254877764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422620082568884,0.0,0.0,0.06895320126207126,0.0,0.08981331014675986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072543879815968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877243109020826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207849246111264,0.08790853232893928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417354831180033,0.0989096027492232,0.0930182597541342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941559459914138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940241572119738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159062737924167,0.0,0.0,0.19746297276421115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991923393216001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31903712397503226,0.0,0.12356095976669842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422502123481975,0.0,0.08814658019083578,0.0,0.0,0.06313620693987218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063235215968447,0.0,0.0,0.054849736505326416,0.07381358994349423,0.0,0.0,0.08361195997905388,0.0,0.16782360727510334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334670107496855,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ariel_Nova,2019/08/20,"Why should I stay on therapy? I love going to my psychologist but I've stopped believing she can help me. Over the years I've discovered shocking useful revelations with her. However, since we started working on my BPD and other personality disorders and doing CBT, it feels like there are no more revelations. No silver bullets, no a-ha moments. just the stark task of regulating myself.

since I have the therapeutic manual, access to the techniques and a wealth of resources online, a loving support network and psychiatric care and meds, well... why do I keep going to psychotherapy? if it's all up to me to fix myself at this point, where does my psychologist comes in?

I hope I'm making sense. thanks for reading and sharing a bit of your wisdom",4.871690997566908,7.315863072992703,6.088777372262776,71.74343369829684,71.55474452554746,8.946228710462288,30.39476885644769,9.516144504307137,3.2748155717761565,599,26,98,15,12,200,99,137,0.087,0.633,0.28,0.9887,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,1,4,12,0,0,7,0,6,2,0,2,1,20,21,8,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,2,1,1,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,1,16,11,16,20,3,16,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,2,5,66,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238059962794252,0.0,0.0,0.18641847913961151,0.0,0.21505791950634076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409446308956525,0.0,0.0,0.14708892752453184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956981804193841,0.0,0.1494274438788395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633804547554116,0.121986257242803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408617518298016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445239921785555,0.0,0.0,0.16959664626809584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517734603045729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342148216205983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082232055714958,0.0,0.1139792149695666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966852472846427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909527548220242,0.0,0.0,0.16141714765486012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079960012469006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824979404803132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086012960145648,0.18200039623102307,0.0,0.1427574814021709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376892553152367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572067817570508,0.19527138486535986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747610624237195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352780591478726,0.0,0.308156754274224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243105029166565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995958596984184
bpd,standingovulation_,2019/08/20,"EMDR? Does anyone have experience with it? If so, are there any negative thoughts on it? Positives?",2.305588235294117,4.215622941176477,4.114558823529411,73.13301470588237,113.7058823529412,8.758823529411767,27.77941176470589,8.07648339933343,3.993835294117648,78,4,12,3,4,26,16,17,0.20199999999999999,0.65,0.147,-0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741034917960605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38465980772998337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814176149944557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5381272744675779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367373652325535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DukeOfTheForest,2019/08/20,"Has anyone trouble feeling like a person? (sorry, first post and sorry, English is not my mother tongue)

So, it's pretty difficult to explain, but... I don't really feel like a person. Like, when I do things, there are no consequences. If I cut myself, if I binge, if I ingest multiple pills just to die - it feels like nothing, because it's like, I'll have another chance, another life, like in a videogame! I can't really die, the people I care about me around me can't really die, they're, like, hiding somewhere. I intellectually know that life and death are real things, but... I don't know, I can't really feel them? This body I live in is made of rubber, it's not a real body, so it's not important how I treat it, because at a certain point (a check point!) I'll have another one. I don't care if I can get better, because this is not really my life.

Does it sound like something... sensible? Something that someone else feels?",3.056974637681161,4.6994349510869595,4.7776956521739145,82.65715942028986,74.48913043478261,7.950144927536233,24.766666666666666,8.648137234880735,1.745932318840579,717,23,142,14,15,243,95,184,0.165,0.622,0.212,0.8098,0,0,2,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,1,2,8,16,1,0,7,0,16,7,2,2,1,27,28,12,4,4,11,1,5,8,0,0,5,1,0,2,13,3,1,0,8,0,1,0,11,3,0,2,1,6,20,13,8,27,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,4,10,85,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30564339631004245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793679819019237,0.0,0.0,0.08649333918278221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768420118289166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593046222985623,0.0,0.21584656233749455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981229697108256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025114106294444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502570504595172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811650318183316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456360424260354,0.20823418895653625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264457130013368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050762289451397206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679360997428727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588175355468555,0.3797412391024303,0.0,0.08579439737225752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193550269409356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322800696501476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583838937790244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735877525015876,0.16967339583448296,0.0,0.0,0.18369593201352385,0.0,0.09305278835176926,0.09884703828823156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211795716755843,0.3112171432349493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823236763765602,0.14959761779043432,0.0,0.21752618603677865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909808105940346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AndersAlexander,2019/08/20,My friends aren't supportive I have a buddy with BPD and I'm basically the person he splits at most often. I grew up with a bunch of Bipolar/Depressed/OCD people so I'm used to extremes and I can usually deal with a split no problem. Sometimes I'm not so bullet proof and I need to vent. My friends immediately tell me that my buddy obviously doesn't care about me or he wouldn't treat me like he does during a split. They don't understand and just think I should cut him off. I feel alone sometimes because nobody will let me talk honestly about my problems without immediately telling me to abandon my best friend,3.8188524590163913,5.6789771147540975,4.836852459016395,82.1142950819672,72.9344262295082,7.50295081967213,29.41311475409836,8.238735603445708,2.0931186885245903,496,21,96,8,10,162,81,122,0.183,0.687,0.13,-0.4374,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,6,13,1,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,2,25,19,7,0,5,4,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,0,1,18,9,13,15,3,5,0,1,0,0,13,3,0,3,2,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812497206108624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066798458913753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836542343446705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040941135389605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784266220822075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804198021879174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314578984607582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848647761678391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056192876258937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895182279427782,0.0,0.08549733866958119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976207086783653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213246374514012,0.15280535578560875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349073469126073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346163720048917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859066298565606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066030959405892,0.3059196428324781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121344791640724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218368242709976,0.0,0.15114589520934826,0.1927404323921604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686960799549084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pint_baby,2019/08/20,"I wish I had a cold. I wish I had a cold, when I need to text in and say I'm ill. 

​

But this damn head disease, it don't fit that bill. 

​

Invisible, ignorable and totally deplorable. 

​

I wish I could call, say today I'm not able. 

​

​

Today I am sad, mad, angry and bad. 

​

Unfortunately seems like I am following some kind of fad. 

​

Being miserable seems inevitable. 

​

If I say anything, everyone will stick another label. 

​

​

So, I wish I had a cold, an illness known well, 

​

And not have to admit, I'm sitting in hell. 

​

A cold is so easy, so simple, relatable. 

​

Not like BPD, that shit is just hateable.",2.9527885047148597,5.988594175572523,3.5389582397844634,83.41505612932198,84.34351145038167,5.8304445442299055,29.843286933093854,7.285733465282438,2.242660170633139,571,29,95,9,17,179,75,131,0.27,0.5770000000000001,0.152,-0.9582,0,0,0,0,0,0,78.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,4,1,5,0,12,4,2,0,1,23,24,10,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,1,1,4,8,1,0,3,7,12,4,5,18,2,8,1,2,0,0,5,3,3,4,5,55,16,0,0.036652627925233786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162703915679,0.5789804118696606,0.0,0.0384334761811085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03016198977617178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030603413336278994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616270178576478,0.0,0.037426431121136805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029264140946820724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035023156696423516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037616170534702315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03816807172578465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03581324521704138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02717745918279877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744292256473063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673435177340002,0.0,0.0,0.03762339585283625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948481118765612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03295511430844164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859485300669225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789804118696606,0.0
bpd,theseasonofthewitch,2019/08/20,How many of you have found music to be a trigger for mania? I’m also curious if it’s only a trigger in combination with going out partying or if it’s equally triggering by itself.,6.1508108108108095,5.483628000000002,9.165540540540539,62.30074324324325,66.29729729729729,11.724324324324325,37.41891891891892,11.20814326018867,4.642794594594593,144,7,24,4,2,55,32,37,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,0,10,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118107722468176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5646235588692492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926618204159565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220853762985826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39164785631647336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nuggetdoggo,2019/08/20,Why do I move from relationship to relationship so quickly without a problem? I was just with a guy I wanted to marry less than a week ago but recently broke up with him and now I’m with another guy who I like a lot and feel like I like even more than the last... why am I able to move on so easily? It confuses me but it’s something I can’t help.,0.6694924812030081,2.2856296710526323,3.5495488721804516,88.9518421052632,81.23684210526315,7.50075187969925,22.69924812030075,8.418075326091056,1.2501827067669176,269,9,64,6,7,96,51,76,0.087,0.67,0.243,0.9109,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,7,6,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,9,3,12,6,3,10,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,9,46,12,0,0.1863917485591835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522503886314724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954480001602463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310999202089325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094245268516934,0.13315830241351306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691142710851103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493446008978598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193415245102115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273184780005399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846359919301276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962098616920321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835173061564924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403936523409975,0.4002299655758863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434934743177858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993868254389004,0.0,0.14951221771722095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33637912338551296,0.0,0.0,0.17967499420599448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,missladybeans,2019/08/20,"Tw. Self harm. 















I really need to relate to someone. Does anyone ever feel the strong urge to hit their head when very depressed or struggling?",3.1925641025641016,6.113868000000004,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,80.53846153846153,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.4252205128205127,112,3,19,1,3,34,24,26,0.295,0.609,0.096,-0.7818,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375532227189343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29261647449335704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973076563171219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073131360721158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178211234174254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486699565728685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519119670697321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764533304578165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544215947026725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878595275357809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35516869084214625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803200365613697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hojemman,2019/08/20,"DAE find comfort in staying in the shower? I don’t know about you guys, but I love to blast music and literally sit in the shower for 30-45 minutes. Being so isolated and alone lately it almost feels as if someone’s holding me.",1.6004347826086942,3.991299913043482,3.902347826086957,83.47091304347828,82.47826086956522,5.419130434782609,24.417391304347824,6.742157984588678,1.1323704347826078,180,7,33,2,5,62,40,46,0.134,0.7190000000000001,0.147,0.1699,2,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,7,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457084986029527,0.3575650469182212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456397402456073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155435695054988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418423812873871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973515422878168,0.0,0.3894463303367845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115930373151187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925211618513077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679804455282978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SuzieOozie,2019/08/20,"I’m very confused and spiraling any thoughts helpful tw: self harm mention Hi my name is Suzie and I have severe anxiety and depression diagnose 9 years ago when I was a early teen. Nowadays things are getting worse and I’m without therapy and psychiatrist but am still taking meds for what I was diagnosed with. The more I hear about BPD the more I think I may have it. I obviously don’t wanna self diagnose but everything I read is relatable beyond words and I feel like the same things are happening to me and I’m just lost all the time. I think I’ve been dissociating a lot lately but didn’t really know what that meant.I’ve been doing a lot of ups and downs with my emotions, getting really angry over nothing, thinking the worst of people and doing rude behaviors and then feeling so much guilt for yelling or saying something. And I get angry impulses but never act on them. Sometimes I feel like my loved ones hate me and other times I feel like they don’t. Sometimes I’d be better dead and other times I think I can keep going, something will cheer me up and then I come down hard a few hours or a couple days later. It’s affecting my relationship with my SO and my mom. I feel so lost, I feel like I feel everything and nothing all at the same time. Emotions are hard. I self harmed the other day for the first time in 4 years and I was so sad but I know this is bad and maybe it means something, I can’t stop thinking about it. I just can’t stop thinking. Sorry for ranting, I feel bad posting this but Im desperate and don’t see a doctor until next Monday.",1.3970740677386253,3.9007312373417773,3.0135956209373944,88.66825008552858,84.72784810126579,6.074444064317483,22.148135477249397,7.432916251226849,1.0271239479986316,1245,43,249,21,37,409,166,316,0.22399999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.1,-0.9912,0,0,3,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,2,4,11,20,2,2,14,0,26,5,0,1,4,69,61,35,1,1,11,1,10,4,0,2,4,3,0,3,14,23,0,3,18,1,0,3,8,13,0,2,9,14,36,7,24,49,11,38,0,4,1,1,14,9,0,6,29,165,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076338650682677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542862998899805,0.0,0.061068789249534614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330737416338465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060205834643947,0.0,0.0,0.10054153913695303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876541536934261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832901375793065,0.0,0.10296590297019999,0.0,0.06875640116365557,0.2430735583302939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170812699090874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959323936095656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348989912099822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32291059071391104,0.2281187520999167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790230953652672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512170987954402,0.0,0.045368528680306934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059231617026925,0.0,0.14302179285977104,0.07881438169656907,0.0,0.0,0.08997282365370629,0.0,0.053507540674134164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861525649593744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622876845080374,0.0,0.0,0.07095547717652449,0.0,0.0,0.08774360671147231,0.0,0.09005032774024896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600121554067348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428506130679475,0.13573512821196435,0.07204858011511169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019872747437283,0.08695693128544646,0.08867176547512721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349448862077968,0.0,0.0,0.058683329917247985,0.0,0.06156886740141178,0.0,0.08489880072604619,0.0,0.0,0.15319571235773746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409403938571188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534321656079807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645389332291841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985037109970805,0.0,0.1022807062124789,0.0,0.0,0.08570622207303179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348304064532681,0.0,0.0,0.06361319287064958,0.0,0.2498364460370742,0.09018378582494352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436825775723986,0.1579053861325792,0.08936177043576451,0.0,0.0,0.06375135748442898,0.13348084959099613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600212989497703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129115369866088,0.0,0.10606937301219993,0.3069063082984494,0.0,0.06337512507127048,0.23274398381213876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586709419350102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695208394619749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135233486148158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281421899409796
bpd,boobsuckincuntlicker,2019/08/20,"""I wish I wasn't like this"" birthday traditions I celebrated my birthday on Friday. I turned 29. 
I celebrated with my best friend of 15 years who turned into my boyfriend about 7 mo this ago. 

If I had candles to blow out, my wish is expressed I. The title.
Deeper so, I wish I wasn't even alive. 

My life has turned into this ugly unrecognizable place and I don't know how to escape. 

All my life, I dreamed to be a performer - first shut down by my mother who wouldn't support college tuition on a flimsy industry like the arts. ""You need a fall back career"". Welcome college where I ""failed out"" (my mother's words - academically suspended were the university's terms) for being unenthusiastic about my college career, classes, friends, all of it. 

Performing wasn't an option what could I do instead, a real career? 
Maybe I'll try culinary, depression leaves me baking cupcakes every day why don't I make something useful of that. 

Well I tried that and it didn't work out. Graduated with a culinary degree, tried to apply to places that were looking for degree employees and other higher than host or line cook due to my experiences and education. 

Denied, every, time. 

Disclaimer: I look 12. Literally. I'm a pretty girl, not even to toot my own horn I frankly hate my ""beauty"" as it always seems to be my demise. 
People don't seem to take me seriously. I end up caring more about situations than other around me. And I'm always made out to be the bad guy.

Relationships during and around this time also never fluctuated properly. 

I tried to always give myself to my relationships. I've tried to take for myself in times apart. I've tried to grow and control and handle everything in my life and I can't fucking seem to dig myself out of this ever expanding hole in my life. 

My relationship now, feels like my last leg and even that as I type is brittle and fragile. 

For 15 years I struggled to look for something that I realized earlier this year was always there in front of me. 

I love him with my whole life and I literally cannot see my life without him.

He's helped and supported me so much. 

But I'm a fucking loser. 
I'm a failure and can't seem to stop being like this. 
I try to change and orient goals around my change and all I do is fail. 
I procrastinate due to anxiety and other more pressing issues and when I explode it's because I ""never try"". 
I owe tons of people money. Including him.
I feel like a burden. 
I feel so worthless. 

I dont know how to make him understand when I'm so upset at the fact that I have absolutely nothing to show for my life. 

I do experimental marketing so I'm always chasing jobs but they pay the best and given that I don't have time to waste I'd rather make a quick dollar than spending hours miserable collecting pennies at an unimportant desk job. 

I don't feel supported alot of the times despite the fact that I know what I've been offered. 

I have huge abandonment issues and was and am still even reluctant of this relationship bc I don't want my hopes of a forever happy to come crashing down just a few weeks or months later. Like every time.  

I think this will work out let me put all my eggs in a basket and then have them all be thrown out the window. 

I'm a fucking child. 
I'm so pathetic. 

I can't do anything right and I'm so heartbroken with the life I live. 

I feel I'll never find success in love or career. 
It feels like one or the other alot of times. 

I feel like dying and I wish I wasn't like this. 

It's hard in my relationship bc he too has issues and I feel like the strong one yet he's the one most put together in his business. 

Complete disconnect and viewing from the other side of the mirror. We fight we argue. He's my best friend and even still he stays even though I'm probably the monster. 

I don't know what to do or how to even try anymore. 

I feel like giving up time and time again. 

I don't wanna feel like this when I'm 30 but I know I will.
I wish I wasn't like this. I don't knoe anything anymore. 

Midflood",2.4386054054054043,4.511388520000004,4.098966216216216,84.93027702702705,77.55,6.8243243243243255,23.81081081081081,7.824948511530503,1.2610925675675682,3136,104,628,50,74,1049,332,800,0.142,0.7559999999999999,0.102,-0.9701,4,0,2,0,1,0,86.0,2,1,2,15,43,49,6,3,34,0,52,17,1,10,11,123,121,55,1,13,13,2,13,13,3,3,8,0,2,3,36,47,3,3,23,4,6,6,26,18,1,4,14,18,102,31,86,96,19,83,0,7,5,5,40,36,3,15,53,409,138,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03999128973925496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03607805615495981,0.18769442563568872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034512475525292,0.0,0.08948293962107345,0.0,0.0,0.07425079299477362,0.12048443221187055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034690272290748635,0.03766873017045951,0.02750138564915592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203468000758265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459972481489655,0.0,0.09545033606364088,0.03886215436863374,0.0473017038318962,0.0,0.05059975745699498,0.036020264043204166,0.0,0.0,0.029095125757923057,0.0,0.038857060071579935,0.0,0.046821737169683485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287386797683343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399580638431214,0.0,0.0,0.2085839516943896,0.04080865580044747,0.11403275757405246,0.0,0.04054601124729035,0.04413064611694351,0.0,0.0,0.2281125104129268,0.22560869725028845,0.0,0.0,0.04123384345868973,0.03837437789071672,0.0,0.0,0.10456607208726244,0.125122908452279,0.0,0.08655589488014702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044670456316506284,0.0,0.048025233208355375,0.04041373823121805,0.044541237066765486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030239304080335837,0.0,0.0,0.04480888642399045,0.044428703255342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412634772972929,0.08953837682398527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396877015019635,0.03677434578780515,0.0,0.04776975048989345,0.0,0.046132641551582185,0.2549256924335737,0.28652871046135986,0.0,0.03983693754926644,0.0,0.1136544743039128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143521063417124,0.042688438774083695,0.0903428542483096,0.0,0.04532358759904426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03600997027410233,0.0,0.033164354695751415,0.03345183641531661,0.1043852705493436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328858765909116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171227561439443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255343950707304,0.0,0.09427011851578997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045897674111894216,0.0486410705866062,0.0,0.0,0.09070508352414937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051350187505734016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218049252411636,0.0,0.038527543764916974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03595042228630238,0.16428221665540388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071059778755284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946270549087895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808606339388044,0.07205700954361931,0.03771774920721506,0.0,0.047163479703228345,0.0,0.0,0.1535862288735728,0.0,0.0,0.06784099165732085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02890755540834272,0.04432477555089665,0.0,0.236759694414048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756681089494445,0.14721489090057974,0.0,0.04696579440612116,0.0,0.03896445030180955,0.0,0.0,0.02660970599502349,0.0,0.03618813746045112,0.0,0.040563361183954566,0.0,0.04070882681616093,0.05036873761794799,0.2593972915804148,0.04348877628736672,0.0,0.06568779901102859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715679302695996
bpd,pavIove,2019/08/20,my brain convinces myself to hate people overnight i don’t know if it’s part of being borderline but i start thinking a lot about bad things they probably think or say about me and that makes me hate them or stay away from them even though it’s not 100% sure they actually did those things :( does anyone else do that?,5.43452380952381,6.026704476190478,4.787420634920637,88.79160714285715,67.73015873015873,8.204761904761906,25.273809523809533,8.07648339933343,1.1122095238095246,254,6,54,3,4,76,51,63,0.257,0.7240000000000001,0.019,-0.9589,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,1,12,11,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,10,2,6,9,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,1,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.20377718073472248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460110708763903,0.2139596997884954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619228515598447,0.0,0.1743551077475721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23311101795949746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827388775523976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744414445369276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792295249181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123309786575327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476143835515873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753041084975404,0.0,0.0,0.13938827612369778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261305825031695,0.0,0.1447687728771653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251421554352208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606121696303952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478031334198246,0.2225732252257213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680939686005014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774600741530349,0.2676055133864377,0.20516356622831333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,profburden,2019/08/20,"Need some advice/help My partner and I have been together for a little over a year now. She was diagnosed BPD, before I came along mind you, and shes had issues with past partners that havent handled her condition with the care she so desperately needs. On top of that, because of foolish youth (teenage accidents) and some other body problems, this also has left her lacking energy, and physically unable to be physical (ie: housework, regular work, days/nights out, etc.) She does her best though,  and (bless her heart) only complains if the pain becomes unbearable; something I do miss the signs of a bit too often). All these have never really been an issue...
I love this woman. I feel lost when shes not here, and I thank the stars for aligning for us to have met and fallen in love. We have been living together for 9/10ish months (we moved quickly, mostly for housing reasons, but more because we felt we needed to be living with each other). The first 2 months were rocky to say the least, I had some learning to do to help her and at least try to understand what was happening in her head, as well as PTSD from a very violent marriage, on top of still crawling my way out of a depressive state. She also was trying to adjust to living with someone again and trying to communicate as best she could, the issues she was facing daily. After a while things clicked, and we were good. We had a couple of minor slips, but they were resolved fairly quickly and without incident.
Lately though, I feel like I'm slipping more. Shitty part is; I promised it wouldn't. I made a promise I wouldn't get upset over her condition. But I have been.
I've allowed myself to get upset over the fact she CANT help. My head is telling me shes being either lazy or manipulating me, deep down I know that's not the case, but it seems like the list I've created for myself of things to do keeps getting longer. However, I also took it upon myself to take these tasks. It's not like shes ever TOLD me to do these things, shes only ever asked me too, or I've just done them without hesitation. Dishes, fine. Cleaning the house? Dont like it, but ok. You started making dinner but got triggered by something? Just tell me what to do and sit down. In my head, it feels like she doesnt appreciate what I do for her, like she thanks me every chance she gets and practically has worshipped the ground I've walked on because I have been helping so much. But its like that praise is being unrecognized by my brain, it's like I want more then that. What more? I dont know. And I know that's not a right feeling to have, chauvinistic if anything and not how I was raised.
But, fuck, I'm just a miserable prick these days. I thought it was work, but quitting that didnt help. I've just been so quick to anger or judgement the past few weeks, and I can't fully explain myself. We went camping, the last day she was having a small panic about whether to throw something away or keep it, I loudly groaned, and rudely ripped it from her hands and stormed off. I've been taking her jokes out of context and using them against her in front of her friends and family. I even made an ass of myself in front of her family by complaining and talking back to her. She tried talking to me about it, and how she was feeling, but I looked at my phone instead. It was for a potential job interview, but that's not a viable excuse to ignore someone opening up. 
I dont know at this point how I can redeem myself to her. I'm scared though. Of losing her or pushing her over the edge, but also that we wont ever be completely happy because we will keep falling into this hole. All I fully know is; she deserves to be happy. 

How can I better deal with these bouts of stress and anger to better help her?

Is she better off with someone else who is more attentive to their feelings and will be to hers?

What are some ways to better communicate with her my own feelings so I dont seem selfish or only focusing on myself?

Any advice at all actually would help, or maybe some further reading for a layman so to speak.  

Thanks guys",4.380616653574236,5.518608863184085,5.013291437549097,84.2427847604085,70.44278606965175,7.532652526839486,27.04058654097931,7.793537801064563,1.5174174129353233,3202,104,629,38,57,1029,354,804,0.114,0.7170000000000001,0.168,0.9945,3,0,3,0,0,0,106.0,10,2,4,16,41,56,6,6,31,1,76,17,10,12,8,148,133,68,0,12,35,0,9,8,3,6,2,3,1,4,42,48,2,4,23,2,0,11,21,22,1,1,35,14,107,34,100,84,27,82,3,5,2,4,88,39,3,18,36,471,149,6,0.0,0.0,0.0537489787150658,0.0,0.0,0.05382238105006757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761860354293278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03745548327426134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045325172138724126,0.0,0.05149125740058965,0.0,0.0517483602476413,0.042352209308473436,0.0,0.13430213882716846,0.060830224398935887,0.04686801524555199,0.0,0.1156036375524487,0.19485094551537596,0.06013180123977896,0.06118014739232295,0.06936983999912817,0.06148617375791085,0.0,0.06299549177014444,0.05615652321467377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057749090135281136,0.0,0.0,0.043975952374150175,0.06094366173688689,0.0,0.07104255888383643,0.056783840279644913,0.047439303083889536,0.05590383833433143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048199842615180594,0.05636475121459587,0.25820784624981274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601128279248505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142743871181198,0.03637903817823384,0.14946582582912632,0.046406277590069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384681073202773,0.0,0.19494652835648807,0.07869663359945446,0.05288430039338583,0.0,0.0,0.0468500123287737,0.0,0.0,0.04255375622775287,0.050919477403171085,0.11510563122158232,0.0,0.0,0.046197497246177145,0.044051560302311665,0.0,0.0,0.054536686825782936,0.04870601464762748,0.11726484657607872,0.0,0.0,0.1695802648303975,0.0,0.0,0.06526866156374625,0.2584271831346079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710711613141934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246392037497102,0.05465722558484646,0.1468697458100142,0.0,0.0,0.15134938282151622,0.044896585905515,0.062131302950326366,0.0,0.05984329420110467,0.0,0.0,0.2152698169258201,0.055203442856782366,0.14590680953620508,0.0,0.046252333067326235,0.061619105931098116,0.06012503349795543,0.0,0.09942156282174322,0.10423381395562577,0.036765537041438485,0.0,0.055334073267495516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561390245144157,0.0,0.08792677010191187,0.05854006424856643,0.04048926684353237,0.12252073138026058,0.042480178016229525,0.0,0.0,0.05168773720711703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566976340671912,0.05860774303910873,0.06462312259756349,0.0,0.059644989797021285,0.10515792338862598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052067283695651806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270298787867393,0.06438418785792016,0.0,0.0,0.058583100071535076,0.05509372061146292,0.0,0.035284899584104974,0.05663019569958031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703700749297063,0.0,0.04380088478878175,0.05514350289431673,0.0,0.0,0.1002833700343304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400043049113953,0.12720708924215246,0.0,0.0,0.038985069101255466,0.0,0.04398601320791441,0.0,0.06309259706537712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282482922832222,0.08854053110373432,0.0962826248912094,0.1521275197253493,0.0,0.0,0.10977575285536564,0.0,0.1623439697401841,0.043726427145006234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263016856271821,0.06119459063490575,0.14957960102917214,0.0,0.0,0.05733898939609184,0.06625303337293867,0.04757041227410432,0.0,0.04544579110915272,0.032486912425842326,0.0874380000749308,0.04418090349257848,0.0,0.049522469835908495,0.051058613781173934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618802530316973,0.0,0.08019606734162019,0.0,0.0,0.03912641024403418,0.0,0.0,0.0354689513532349
bpd,applejuicrr,2019/08/20,"How to move on from an Ex which you were fully emotionally dependant on? 
So let me start of by saying I have no one to goto and today my FP who was also my girlfriend who also has BPD told me she doesn't love me anymore cuz apparently I lied to her about some shit.

The truth is I love her so much and I'm so emotionally dependant on her idk what to do and what to feel.... I'm so heartbroken and hurt that I cut myself multiple times to the point I'm soaked in my own dried blood.

Idk how I can get her back or if I should just cut all contact and persevere through the pain.... Cuz idk she understood me better than anyone ever has.

I'm 20 and had a lot of partners but no one ever understood me to the extent she had and today she completely split on me and told me she hates me even tho she always told me I could never hate you and no matter what happens I'll always feel some love for you.

But today she straight up told me fuck off, I hate you and leave me the fuck alone I don't love u at all anymore and I've completely fallen out of love.

Plz if someone knows what I can do then please help me.

I'm also male if that helps.

Thank you so much for anyone who tries to help me.",1.3768663101604304,2.8832062392156885,3.2755525846702334,92.22316844919789,78.76470588235293,6.518716577540108,19.826203208556148,7.348242739294969,0.2846470588235297,921,21,215,12,22,310,128,255,0.212,0.675,0.113,-0.9781,1,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,5,0,2,17,18,8,0,7,0,17,10,2,6,6,42,45,31,0,5,7,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,10,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,10,0,2,10,3,43,8,27,32,9,23,0,1,0,7,37,11,3,9,10,154,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809692590948488,0.0,0.2272323922094553,0.15762214075831954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786509584197245,0.13245487377022486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728305457585886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837683614100305,0.0,0.0,0.11929113944267525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861527038557455,0.0,0.0,0.07562279899816872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308488355630806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255884280783465,0.1713515909423173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578223248576673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512632231316014,0.049485056852024964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375680245334477,0.0,0.0,0.2805365069331257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045786101697215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013951421330958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052053285205649134,0.0,0.0,0.10029027647206933,0.0,0.09685324558213684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052392198187287,0.42742319696594105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066782577769637,0.1392539114123432,0.0,0.07305060584466379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836365249170548,0.0,0.10078420892114882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039694230038892,0.08953697456729598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753217458064886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972243301922954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025232608277594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704027736547533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720151374551749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055229500693356914,0.0,0.26933829628308426,0.3620197352039807,0.0,0.06430575969461283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jtraan27,2019/08/20,"Seeking support: My friend with BPD said something extremely hurtful and I don't know how to deal with it. We were walking in the middle of the road and I motioned him to the sidewalk and said, ""Hey, can we move to the side? There's a car behind us."" 

To which he responded, ""Oh my god, you are soo annoying with your anxiety"" 

I have generalized anxiety and depression so just hearing that shot straight through my heart. It suddenly made me feel uncomfortable to be around him, and now, I don't want to hang out with him anymore. I've been there for him for the last two months since hes been diagnosed with BPD and dealing with adjusting to meds, etc. and the amount of patience I've had to have with him was phenomenally large. But I still stood by him, never once retorting back out of annoyance.

I don't know what to do because I'm his FP (he basically hates his family, and he rarely talks to his group of friends) and I still love and care for him but I can't be around him as much as he wants me to be because he is so toxic to me, and I need to put my mental health first. This is not the first instant of being mean or extremely rude about something too - this guy is a straight A manipulative, gaslighting, most selfish human being I've come to know. But he's also just suffering from a heavy disorder along with multiple other ones and sometimes, it's just not his fault.. I know, I know, your mental health is not an excuse to be an asshole to others. 

My friends all tell me to cut him out of my life but I literally cannot. I've tried so many times but I go back to worrying and wondering how he's doing, and it's just easier if he's in my life than out because I can see him and hang out with him. How do I balance this? :(",3.6608732394366186,4.57495925633803,4.839267605633804,85.65918309859154,71.92957746478874,8.496901408450704,28.002816901408448,8.841846274778883,1.9348174647887328,1356,49,295,25,25,448,175,355,0.12300000000000001,0.816,0.061,-0.9668,0,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,3,3,0,2,22,16,5,0,13,0,29,7,1,5,2,70,53,31,0,4,14,0,1,0,3,0,5,3,0,2,12,35,0,0,9,0,0,9,9,10,0,4,9,5,48,6,54,38,5,35,0,3,1,1,47,14,0,4,12,208,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187359808056982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664150739090213,0.0,0.10153388256474133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228058879726594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744847220366798,0.0,0.18723049148989693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25788915155107195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438367831086463,0.0,0.0,0.08819168066196285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109946904466334,0.08818011993852214,0.10391398795694363,0.0,0.0,0.11733685005484198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141812497444405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651516390734056,0.0,0.051766624882671884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741694939728354,0.0,0.0,0.23729661382434175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818516142142782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013727283649814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107948515719578,0.0,0.21765123295037764,0.11539019271975964,0.12132131019590155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096003747565428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28132805210527906,0.08345372028289666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446286600993056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240234114098862,0.09687484447234722,0.0,0.10379769336678282,0.0,0.111522309202677,0.11372158493499468,0.0,0.20635079971408535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171908764851261,0.10881420153915426,0.07526140087201254,0.07591379640746204,0.07896210418303988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903182353725296,0.06937563339939076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029206163495007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477447999242264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815839526512528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469015504361045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763492374761365,0.10125686956016634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635222976793064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618010607792137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228951675724748,0.08948501410200807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969885584521387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950959595561605,0.0,0.100010810001915,0.0,0.12315105933966937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077326806750235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110272161279719,0.0,0.10397230293110334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lovelynena94,2019/08/20,"Why don't I feel normal I've had a problem taking prescription pain killers for about 5yrs, life is hard I can't deal, I hear voices on and off, I can't function probably I've never felt like myself (whatever that means) I was diagnosed with BPD at 14 and it's just gotten worse. I feel like I have reached my breaking point",2.2903482587064694,4.191403134328361,3.5590298507462705,89.4351616915423,77.3582089552239,6.854726368159205,24.59950248756219,7.793537801064563,1.25400696517413,258,9,54,4,6,84,52,67,0.29100000000000004,0.688,0.021,-0.9487,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,1,11,14,2,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,6,9,2,6,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895207987872798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369920818064266,0.0,0.2333193204717497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324644444546872,0.16422347393240555,0.22071702765051715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592376080669514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908698033640964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236823048833246,0.2246116228318323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250402375196979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729455728943858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22522969135737084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446042917212387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730714048696775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24784522846047,0.21996030478521747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728381578932953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074273522546059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342633022578195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pasttheborderline,2019/08/20,"I tend to abandon friendships because I’m insecure Whenever I encounter somebody new and we actually hit it off really well, I get attached almost instantly. I idolize them and revolve my entire life around them. I struggle to discern between my feelings of friendship and attraction. But before long, I get obsessed with they ways in which they’re better than me and feel inferior to them. I’ll be ashamed to interact with them because I’m so far below them. And it’s not like they’re constantly paying me attention to reassure me that I matter to them; they have lives that don’t revolve around me. To them, I’m just another face in the crowd. A friendly face, but just another face that isn’t as important to them as they are to me. I can’t shake the feeling that I mean absolutely nothing to them and they hate it when I try to interact with them. Consequently, I stop contacting them out of fear and get upset when they don’t reach out even though it’s not their fault - I am a low priority to them, so they forget all about me.",5.020671852899579,6.1628353811881205,5.984667609618104,77.85435643564355,68.95049504950495,9.53380480905233,33.24045261669024,9.784248007369934,3.288249222065064,825,38,155,19,14,273,110,202,0.17,0.723,0.107,-0.9441,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,19,1,12,18,1,7,4,0,8,4,3,0,1,33,21,16,0,0,6,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,9,15,0,2,6,0,1,1,6,12,1,0,0,3,40,6,30,19,1,18,0,3,0,0,26,10,0,1,7,112,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.1721785373692751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766776845282035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700223301973972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141353678569434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511056006674945,0.0,0.15013617946415245,0.0,0.0,0.15604552684483816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906673518917444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165359739695596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854238023141701,0.2676378410481816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631595766133994,0.0,0.27654552282419514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741965036549323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462373981434513,0.08619894531979748,0.0,0.15579843970207075,0.15614253202893846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921932656504793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040541555362346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929751203520682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303102955349799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475104974696111,0.0,0.18445184295594946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334994343964955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119790168767726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004867928007966,0.0,0.0,0.15863941282424293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anonymoussalternate,2019/08/20,"What's the best way to find local people with BPD? Or even social anxiety too. Sounds stupid I know, but I am currently trying to find a girl to talk to who lives near me in nj and every single person I talk to online who has BPD or SAD I feel like completely gets and understands me where we vibe well.

 But any ""normal"" person I talk with comes off cold and shallow where they don't give a damn. Plus they all seem to live fuller lives compared to me where I don't really have much social experience or travel experience. 

I just want to meet someone who is on the same playing field as me where I don't have to worry about wasting my time if they judge me. What would be the best way to do this?",5.461458333333333,4.8907255625000055,6.016111111111113,83.99000000000002,67.68055555555556,9.144444444444442,25.63888888888889,8.472884824447931,1.363697222222222,547,11,119,7,8,178,91,144,0.08,0.763,0.157,0.8991,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,3,2,9,8,2,0,5,0,11,0,0,0,1,26,19,11,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,6,8,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,3,18,5,19,17,6,15,0,1,0,0,17,9,1,5,3,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912592618843229,0.0,0.10266112522637437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816651051310541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380354405788327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155997196805327,0.14070408067217552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863653281143508,0.0,0.11306762773980547,0.0,0.0,0.2625428468040337,0.0,0.0,0.06785455589832243,0.09587109906551927,0.0,0.0,0.24530913546175995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011293157729143,0.12873497812203796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375172741359738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556237859345537,0.0,0.35549795592466965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865099268168558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148557593847104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303601652495093,0.23435308614320874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597069401372914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216884590158715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735959821712525,0.11370555487863197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32358987826457597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825195017438573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111165301833203,0.0,0.0,0.13970488142322746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915347473090309,0.21304029877416975,0.0,0.0,0.12066014502659707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628461305147632,0.0,0.0953304298040508,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trrsww,2019/08/20,"Wont feel ok till I cut I've been feeling like this hours. What do I do though, go to the walk in crisis clinic or call the crisis line because I'm dissociated and cant resist the urge to cut, and just look like an attention seeker? I'm over month clean from cutting hut I feel like tonight us ur",3.790937500000002,3.8481962187500014,5.031250000000004,87.48875000000002,71.1875,7.65,25.375,7.1686216300943375,0.8617624999999998,234,6,54,2,4,78,47,64,0.218,0.621,0.161,-0.6234,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,4,1,5,1,0,0,0,8,12,5,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,4,4,4,6,10,0,8,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,7,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693821580796442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28372827252381905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214862820909471,0.39700948172783984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791543564322236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736381989647462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407248162375458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333341839401109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217868784949204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272998103985977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342338959016158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,batattack_,2019/08/20,"Spree of Self Destruction Today I have been on a spree of self-destruction, I feel like I can't control what is coming out of my mouth. First was splitting on my parents after them saying I can't learn to drive in a month (I know deep down they're right but me being told I am wrong made me split) As well as me constantly pushing away my SO because I was insisting I need to keep talking to a person they don't approve of me talking to for personal reasons. I hate my brain I wish I could think before I talk I wish I could think rationally, my eyes are tired and my throat is sore from screaming at my SO I am tired of being alive and I know tomorrow it is not gonna get better. I hate myself, I hate my BPD and if I had a normal brain my life would be perfect, but I know no matter what happens I will always be in a state of misery my highest highs will only last seconds while my lowest lows will last forever",1.7686467540384037,3.46732687046632,3.511222188357209,90.10969216702223,78.22279792746114,6.199207558671138,22.75190490704053,7.048011613610866,0.6775640963120999,718,22,155,8,17,240,114,193,0.245,0.657,0.098,-0.9877,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,5,4,11,4,0,5,0,24,9,5,3,1,29,43,11,0,8,4,1,1,1,0,5,4,2,0,3,3,5,0,2,8,0,0,3,5,7,1,2,6,4,39,4,23,26,0,25,0,1,1,0,11,12,0,1,10,108,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979906024228022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064487145883824,0.0,0.0,0.07178895532180858,0.0,0.10021004525667723,0.0,0.0,0.10415430419925502,0.0,0.0,0.14832193702550334,0.2629312217578886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144483260845087,0.0,0.127263022345687,0.13208438926371166,0.1880528609769667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954594080201123,0.08413193062723001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017155262805508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152778421264528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413993224461003,0.0,0.0,0.3488081202769053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442606244356873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467567840845718,0.0,0.0,0.19416305669423933,0.19198973465764335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318148664382223,0.057534434687258176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143287334703857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399955988132294,0.0,0.0,0.08732186881373813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538550680197016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956621847119517,0.0,0.0,0.1307650146846682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565715609667928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108288444085563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057137314037627,0.0,0.0936521127248479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24571088350729814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839671335281532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509191740479386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707089890927484,0.11162823438101524,0.1125302948269626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058856219423502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27084977918465136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365746492023886,0.12875844507557416,0.0,0.0
bpd,mental_mental_health,2019/08/20,"This is a little bit ""DAE?"" so i apologise. Dynamics in love/possible FP My therapist is off for 3 weeks so i thought i'd brave posting in here. Naturally the second i knew we weren't going to have sessions i started making stupid decisions.

Does anyone else fall into a dynamic with certain people where they immediately transform into a victim?

Backstory: was sleeping with someone 4 years ago. They had an innate ability to push all my buttons and make me feel small. Over the last year or so we've reconnected.

The last few weeks i've been going quite good in general for me. Sorta stable. Healthy(ish) boundaries. Vaguely working on my self-esteem.

But this one person has the ability to make me fold over in two crying my eyes out. Like no matter how hard i try to tell myself i'm a worthwhile person and i have value - if he treats me like i'm nothing, i am nothing. All hard work dissolves. Then i want to lash out at him, but if i do i know we won't talk again for a long time.

I have this desperate need to pull him closer to me so that i can ""fix"" it. Like, i felt so close to understanding him, me, if i'm worth knowing. It's obsessive. It's been obsessive for years. And this isn't the only person this has happened with.

I'm starting to believe the only way i can have a healthy self esteem and good boundaries is if i just completely isolate myself. And when i do that i'm hopelessly depressed and worried everyone will leave me and i'll have no-one.

Sorry for rambling. I just wondered if anyone feels this way, too.",1.9740789473684224,4.372050092105269,3.7189473684210514,85.32013157894737,80.97368421052632,6.43157894736842,25.28947368421053,7.645422480735847,1.5495513157894738,1204,48,231,20,32,402,169,304,0.115,0.755,0.13,0.1095,0,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,2,0,2,3,14,16,2,2,13,0,23,2,2,4,3,49,47,23,0,7,10,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,4,11,17,0,0,10,0,1,5,4,6,0,3,8,6,37,10,30,37,4,41,0,2,1,0,14,18,0,8,18,150,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854098961746877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554581862104318,0.11390159202176765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524479149428905,0.0,0.0,0.12136329544495254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165542981128746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122109438949057,0.0,0.0,0.09574617818140548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728116602362198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286402190213436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622283991003066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241664205768484,0.0,0.10673575114520713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635516569616578,0.18647971261490146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830276698439924,0.0,0.199163857200458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218665986428327,0.1812284850072367,0.0,0.11770759377217728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292868656826126,0.11141644864904203,0.0,0.09837745139663068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003306757286362,0.0,0.222610331413158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242737572055082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333146767118288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753282232042432,0.16909185389840484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706775491855243,0.2911947471834335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646525950848823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823757039494046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319385004996384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124519672054194,0.0,0.09418967152268723,0.0,0.0,0.12444002085541475,0.15736619764344018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935014762277739,0.09716303528221353,0.0,0.0,0.12907103405815545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825252506889797,0.06482115575445978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547368005763516,0.0,0.1085919688154886,0.11572659669455256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556794690233855,0.17647507005310886,0.1783395784940384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055360806705175,0.16185876380941985,0.11289336700055445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475968123956632
bpd,Cumberlock,2019/08/20,"I feel like people treat me like I’m a weirdo When I’m in a group and everyone’s talking and having a good time, I always feel like when I have any input people look at me strangely, unlike how they were just looking at everyone else, and I get all super self conscious and it just shuts me down completely. I’m pretty much losing all social skills over time because every time I attend any social event there’s always something subtle that leaves me regretting even going out. I’ve pretty much lost all friends except my girlfriend too. My brain sucks.",8.902336448598128,7.325150635514021,8.195252336448599,74.42241121495327,61.33644859813084,10.055327102803735,32.614953271028035,8.238735603445708,2.4972856074766345,446,12,78,4,5,140,70,107,0.126,0.649,0.225,0.9179,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,4,8,11,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,3,16,14,7,0,1,3,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,4,12,7,7,12,5,15,0,3,2,0,8,7,1,0,9,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25061385283566096,0.0,0.0,0.2048192381206488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180118419222533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811358662542158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789576865234314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580262037342987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946643631145076,0.0,0.12688260288106926,0.2877995445485237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229049802885647,0.2151698913944661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634915862545415,0.0,0.07867956047172972,0.0,0.08558648773067637,0.12631176214918793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945813492761046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207190178117562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529233850965195,0.16847704564468682,0.16439199920151842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140899174179696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088069268692389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064180757212176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710320601388875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30702484035109784,0.0,0.11593522418486205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104238510737853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634390934997135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wLLouise,2019/08/20,"BPD and dating Hey guys, just want some support on the dating side of things. I'm a 28 year old female and I'm still going through the pain of a breakup even if it was only a few months, I know I won't be hearing from him again and it really saddens me. This situation made me realise I need to get dpt therapy which I have made an appointment for. As I have been single for almost 5 years I have tried endless dating apps and meetups. I just don't seem to have any luck with it and find it almost impossible to get something started. Friendships and romantic relationships are usually short term. It basically ends before it's even begun. Even getting responses on dating apps is rare. Just don't know If i should accept it may not happen for me or how to move forward. Really appreciate the feedback or anyone that can relate.",4.432832310838446,5.828976981595094,5.633880368098161,78.86386758691208,70.59509202453987,8.378118609406954,28.307259713701434,8.841846274778883,2.2628204498977507,660,24,123,12,12,220,108,163,0.04,0.848,0.11199999999999999,0.8555,0,1,1,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,7,0,15,1,0,3,0,31,32,12,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,11,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,4,1,12,3,15,24,4,22,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,10,16,83,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094519581508323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050765350226876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804154637720892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131482181376025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946081530656842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685577746703034,0.0,0.0,0.3061701207727051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122530377467826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218551930968935,0.0,0.08781530151190033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529956519666275,0.13663845201148034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741513526414364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983648143860006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29241454241715714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333361540677575,0.16422661179416273,0.0,0.11457204478905622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621390996234463,0.0,0.0,0.11751677940101192,0.16441647592574096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979744839906535,0.0,0.0,0.16589292074741918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066604035578642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736830471386343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895436928876718,0.0,0.0,0.10936759108899127,0.0,0.12339709578719794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753435205072749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670311161968466,0.0,0.1026539127803774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104906577170118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017812142646827,0.0,0.09113784933162968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900715106496986
bpd,0kay_bro,2019/08/20,"BPD and Gender Identity? So, lately I've been questioning my gender identity \*a lot\*. It started about a month ago and I feel like it could be BPD because the feelings came out of nowhere and got really intense really quickly. I'm uncomfortable with my body hair, my voice, when people refer to me with he/him pronouns. I've been thinking about all this so much that I have actually started dreaming about being trans. I think I'd be happier as a woman, but I'm scared that it's my BPD and if I transitioned I would regret it. Just wondering if there are other people who have struggled with gender identity and have some insight on this matter... thanks",3.1220123076923056,5.770454272000003,4.3968000000000025,80.66578461538462,78.28,7.366153846153848,26.415384615384607,8.384062270229773,2.233892307692308,524,21,91,11,13,172,82,125,0.11,0.8170000000000001,0.073,-0.6893,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,4,0,11,2,2,0,1,29,23,12,0,5,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,10,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,4,10,2,11,14,4,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,6,8,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.15781064332491335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433507091665738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858004484411964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796290580678373,0.6110236513874563,0.0,0.0,0.18495903216165155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911637580650714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635360617307748,0.11552932420978093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933836580648247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242171523266099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900584604033067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748442413877238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290794772940969,0.0,0.1188792308446396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422582448860906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115796059044426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719771188738045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190506080261793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289256087096909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905977042257425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488855684902008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072410564938762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753731647722108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487779152675863,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd_ash,2018/11/11,My birthday is always hard Just a reminder that for the past seven years I have failed. ,6.464117647058824,6.669918941176473,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,65.47058823529412,6.8000000000000025,28.764705882352942,3.1291,0.9926941176470592,70,2,13,0,1,21,17,17,0.266,0.7340000000000001,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954261023522619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333674866892242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5683831022911174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834224175511801
bpd,franklynfurter,2018/11/11,"How can i possibly make it better? I recently got diagnosed, and overall it has shed a lot of light on my experiences. Even if I can't control all of my intense moods, I am aware of them and take note to be able to process it with my therapist after the fact. I'm already in care, but I've been looking for an intensive outpatient program that would be like DBT bootcamp and i could reset and recover and go on to live in a healthy way.

But the other night I did something really bad. I had been drinking (my partner and I were hosting a party for her bday). At one point, she went into the bedroom. She has anxiety, so I went in to check on her. Now I do not remember this happening, but I got violent. I didn't hit her, but i grabbed her arm harder than I should and I shoved everything off the bed with a F you. I've never done anything like that before in my life. Now she's talking about maybe needing to break up with me, and I don't blame her after what I did.

She means the world to me. I already knew I was in a bad place, so I had already been working on finding more and better treatment. I also decided to quit drinking once i found out what happened. I'm doing everything in my ability to make myself better and make sure she's safe and comfortable. I know there's no undoing what I did. But is there any way I can explain that it was the disorder not me and that it won't happen again, especially since I quit drinking so I will be 100% aware of my actions 100% of the time. We've been together 2 1/2 years, and we live together, so there's more to it than just a break up. I'm not going to let it happen again. How can I make her believe me and feel safe with me again?",3.38986071765817,3.9913496515580738,5.021604107648726,85.25731645420208,72.31444759206799,8.489565627950897,29.155925401321998,8.72156446121922,2.069502455146365,1309,51,286,23,24,445,175,353,0.068,0.7979999999999999,0.134,0.9654,0,0,4,0,0,0,38.0,1,1,1,7,18,14,1,0,14,0,34,6,1,7,4,59,62,27,0,6,10,0,2,2,1,4,2,0,2,1,16,21,3,3,9,3,1,5,9,3,0,1,20,4,55,10,42,32,4,40,0,0,1,0,17,19,0,2,14,208,71,2,0.09640303167284098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191494279926663,0.0770934695993149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655573673383481,0.0,0.07374805536302215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933148099611051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098500937899826,0.0,0.0,0.08203187953480076,0.10861320434230527,0.0,0.25578194221606665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828931571572264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108124197337258,0.07696997640468221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784704788005882,0.0,0.0,0.1104862262640574,0.0,0.0,0.09865377181901376,0.0,0.2833148100657548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367329322126597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328165752836636,0.09430066326749688,0.0,0.0,0.04874426940079128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811062446080244,0.0,0.0,0.10570094835852084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957612901682448,0.0,0.1542046220266259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340995530129568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298058505031041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857863139070648,0.0680923122468802,0.09419530354026147,0.0,0.17025128630506725,0.0,0.08095426688123886,0.0,0.0,0.08195841012321316,0.0,0.0,0.25739908889372193,0.0,0.09684980276351303,0.10501116300887672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148162646703267,0.07435196108448289,0.0,0.0,0.09046771470449808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266608247698226,0.06532518919158661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072064975875583,0.0,0.09113202514440508,0.10867993338945192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050729813355784,0.0,0.0,0.06175825063032815,0.0,0.09518636362853268,0.0,0.10920584223743256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974558400121562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742157636077498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085871646863572,0.0,0.07248308231265442,0.07748510517669215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193135003518544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056213383021078124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304047870026566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873315236273765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018255521239404,0.0,0.0,0.06848194776228367,0.0,0.0,0.062080391699761775
bpd,janinjastrikesagain,2018/11/11,"Talking about scars BPD is a fairly 'visible' mental illness, for those of us who harm themselves. What do you answer when a stranger or someone you vaguely know asks about them?
I'm curious since I noticed my students (11 to 15 y/o noticed mine. I'm willing to be open, but not fully open (what happened to me is none of their business) . What would you tell them?",4.509999999999998,5.634988732394369,4.90574647887324,85.1825633802817,70.12676056338029,6.806760563380282,33.91830985915493,6.742157984588678,2.1147329577464795,284,14,54,2,5,90,55,71,0.065,0.91,0.024,-0.4234,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,3,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,11,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,11,0,8,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,1,37,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454370773657155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33065672982610744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216100147339816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428371749334046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26457600182126745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5978012576381471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717369301314335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244713083842108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101765891485036,0.2294693045709864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158002289818051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864990731028016,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,celestinebs,2018/11/11,"Can't take criticism; lost a friend Recently I met a new friend and we hit off really well. Unfortunately, when he advised me to live life and ""let go"" so that I won't have paranoia and anxiety, my stress sensors kicked off and my mind told me ""he's not going to be someone who understands me"". I felt such intense stress because my mind is telling me that he's judging me for the way I am, and I feel ashamed to talk to him and such. I then stopped talking to him and deleted him from my contact list. We parted ways. Fuck I hate myself. I don't know why I'm like that. It was easy to let go because I just met him only, but I feel like I can never make new friends the moment they point out my flaws because it makes me feel ashamed to have exposed the shit person I am, and I just feel mentally wrecked. I know all my issues. I'm trying! Stop reminding me. I just want to talk and have a good time and distract myself from all the crap in the world. I don't need advice. But I know deep down, it's no one's fault but the fucked up me inside. I wonder if any of you can relate.",2.479311584895968,3.44239174235808,3.8338350886206,91.56846647829441,74.80786026200873,6.785615206781403,25.26098124839456,7.048011613610866,0.8265399948625749,835,27,193,8,17,275,127,229,0.188,0.691,0.121,-0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,1,1,1,8,19,5,5,9,0,16,5,2,2,3,42,44,17,0,3,8,0,5,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,7,13,0,2,10,0,0,3,7,12,1,1,6,5,42,7,18,33,3,24,0,1,0,2,25,9,4,2,12,122,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058194985659246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695498215576634,0.0,0.08656967957839352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069500469647155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288752299996359,0.08084394466385818,0.1086545957315098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622892509907523,0.2092354513890199,0.0,0.0,0.1929400781837472,0.09491607811301794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172541413522752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811317289013708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657491031204512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23143445588530054,0.0799306452752923,0.11057182735368316,0.0,0.0999253419679257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353120225602696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107487607376824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404207549799897,0.0,0.2285255186497185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390921589094827,0.08727857860691801,0.2185878042802503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668243818601272,0.086065853426318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254491797372645,0.0,0.0,0.09880990263300336,0.0,0.0,0.10697597621044516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724953619735762,0.0,0.11173519029067512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616058822615585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588296865460187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921931351426516,0.2592565497433328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508478196168233,0.2728693262849505,0.09890978613410356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598647967322918,0.0,0.0,0.10813246362201227,0.0,0.07683050999355713,0.0,0.0,0.11780707442742085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674669627730075,0.17964765495700025,0.0,0.0,0.10174747325048288,0.0,0.10211235328235843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272086351535992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whereislani,2018/11/11,"I keep having reoccurring thoughts of wanting to have a baby with my FP. I’m 19 & my FP is also 19. He’s my ex. But even though he’s my ex we still talk to each other almost everyday, see each other & even have sex once in a while. We first got together when I was 16 & he was the first person to ever show me love. My mom abandoned me when I was 7 so he really meant a lot to me. We broke up almost a year ago & while I’ve done a lot of growing, I still have issues of codependency to work on. 

Sometimes he is more in my life than other times. Like a few weeks ago he was messaging me things about how much he’s always loved me, how I’m his baby girl & I know him better than anyone else.. it was nice. But it only lasted a couple of weeks. I honestly think issues with my BPD always fuck things up between us. 

But anyways, since about July, I keep having thoughts of wanting to have a baby with him. I know this is probably not a good idea for a variety of reasons. I know having a baby is difficult in so many ways especially when you’re young. I know if I got pregnant, yes he would be around through the pregnancy, but once I had the baby he may or may not be there. I think the reason for me wanting to have his baby are a lot deeper than me hoping he’ll stay with me. I feel like I don’t have anything to lose at this point. I’m all alone. Off the top of my head the pros of me having his baby would be: 

1. I would have someone to love infinitely & he/she would love me back. I would always be needed. I’d never be alone. 
2. I could be the mother to my child that I never had when I was young. Maybe it would feel the void of me never having a mother. Also I don’t have any other family around me so this baby would be family. 
3. I would have something to be excited about. I could actually feel something again. 
4. My FP would be connected to me for life. 
5. He would care about me more. 
6. I would be able to be closer to his family. They would care about me. 
7. My FP is really a “family person”. He loves his family a lot, especially his mother. I know he would be a good dad, and we even used to talk about how excited we would be to have a family one day. If I had his baby I’d be family for life. 

Cons.. 
1. Financial issues/stress of having enough
2.My body changing/hormones
3. Uncertainty of how life would be after birth
4.It’s manipulative & selfish. Despite me not having bad intentions. 
5. Would make it harder to finish school

So yea.. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I know that I shouldn’t do it but it’s a thought that keeps occurring. & as time goes on I feel like it might be my only way to feel some type of peace in life. It would change my life completely and right now, that doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me. 


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bpd,pencilnotepad,2018/11/11,DAE have long periods where there are little to no symptoms There have been a lot of improvements lately however they happened so fast. Has this happened to anyone else? Do the symptoms come back similar to how they did before? Quite a bit of the time I feel empty because it’s like I go from being filled with different emotions to having them very subdued,3.6719829424307022,6.4703300149253735,4.1697228144989325,82.2155223880597,77.2089552238806,6.8136460554371014,27.4818763326226,7.957251820313856,2.149671215351813,289,12,48,5,7,91,55,67,0.055999999999999994,0.867,0.077,0.3481,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,1,6,1,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,0,5,14,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,8,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,7,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768525345060032,0.2164129904795305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240999373056814,0.0,0.12875367000369428,0.0,0.17972696552270212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059022473253546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194155971065654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206729487276526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644161359884067,0.2375865390132529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679579299787643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003738835194668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37355045522876695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23825780726427584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318815177579213,0.2116912188210698,0.0,0.18691712797509244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956599841481358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465134808048107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390629909818394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316017637822975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427309624769702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uglyali3n,2018/11/11,Loving always comes and goes I can never love one person. I have to always make my love life complicated. No matter what. My life has to be confusing. I’m in love with two people and I don’t want to hurt the one that doesn’t know about the other. I know I have to though. I just don’t want to lose him even if it’s just as friends. I know person 2 is right for me though but maybe he isn’t and I’m just blinded by love. I have been caught up on him for a year. Idk what to do. ,-1.3144871794871804,0.5639258703703689,1.088888888888892,102.05269230769231,91.22222222222223,4.063817663817664,12.011396011396013,5.369823440869387,-1.5539168091168092,366,4,96,2,13,123,65,108,0.18899999999999997,0.736,0.075,-0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,1,3,0,13,8,0,1,1,19,28,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,3,0,3,2,1,13,6,15,25,0,8,0,2,1,5,11,4,0,2,2,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432914814545425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593382937237133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656025144422237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294969870056765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650450008592928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410344285009293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652334626792296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635545264645001,0.0,0.0,0.659732333906852,0.0,0.09758612868790048,0.0,0.14687227303714792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127544013270994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813068791844046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135302977305884,0.2553032277656773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484951494463944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872711928549482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281102466398435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245889883711388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414462373500626
bpd,BorderlineDisposable,2018/11/11,"Splitting when your ""Favorite Person"" is family. I can think of times in my life when I had a FP, but I didn't think I had one right now until my brother came into town to pick up a vehicle. I found out about him coming because I happened to call my dad when he was on his way to the airport to pick him up. I said to my dad that I didn't know what their schedule was, but to let me know if they wanted to get dinner or do anything that evening.

I felt a little upset that he would come to town without telling me. I figured that he had a lot to do, and maybe he would call me once he got a spare minute, but we'll never know that now. I wanted to give him space if he needed it, but at the same time, I'm realizing that whenever he's around I'm clingy and trying to play it cool.

A couple of years ago our relationship got weird because I left the mormon church. He asked about it, and I wasn't ready to tell him because we were around a bunch of people I didn't want hearing about it, and I was worried about people trying to bring me back. I was hurt, and because we rarely see each other I haven't been Able to resolve anything with him. 

I guess the problem is that no matter how much I try be chill about it, deep down I still need something from him that he's unable to give me. He's a very kind person, in fact kind to a fault, but he's just pulled so many directions that he can't spare much time for me. His wife and some of his kids hate our entire side of the family. When he comes to town everyone wants a piece of him. Extended family will corner him for hours at a time. I used to take special trips to go see him, and when he came to town I'd try to be flexible and make myself available when other people wouldn't be around.  

I once took a whole week off of work so I could spend time with him.  He seemed enthusiastic about spending that time together so  I planned activities for our families and bought materials to make model rockets and a giant slippy slide, but when I showed up none of his kids wanted to do any of that so we just sat around. I was low key devastated. My wife showed up and saw everyone was just looking at their smartphones. She told me I can't take time off when they come to town again.

We used to goof off and play games, land it just hasn't been the same for a long time. I can't get a goddamn minute to try and talk to him when he comes to town. I'm torn between trying to fix this, and pretending not to care.",4.869952162647003,4.207373248554916,5.531466347750981,87.28040462427748,68.92292870905588,8.622975217593517,26.75975018271211,7.753152298057669,1.1903862999136274,1912,46,442,19,29,622,229,519,0.08800000000000001,0.833,0.079,-0.6747,2,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,8,1,4,3,34,15,1,1,21,1,37,2,0,7,2,87,91,38,0,14,15,5,1,0,0,5,1,2,0,4,21,34,1,0,11,6,3,13,15,7,0,1,28,8,70,8,75,53,11,80,2,2,4,0,67,36,0,7,30,285,91,1,0.07058663503847573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257079300775906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048001332345017265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161735725311594,0.25134828167965884,0.06598897526565893,0.0,0.0,0.05427676529163298,0.0,0.17211583023198074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415369286640214,0.16146461197976025,0.07196777877434536,0.0,0.0,0.30402067958919776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056357684391454776,0.07810276909081776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466218067245032,0.0,0.0,0.13489710940610675,0.0,0.0,0.2661711898585281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777423909948745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773946019698221,0.0,0.0,0.07375720690336136,0.13542626450556505,0.04011601136200856,0.0,0.11290916050419232,0.0,0.0777591365024811,0.0,0.062419528248581976,0.0,0.0,0.06968968850430554,0.0,0.0,0.07955626776873591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951361691804607,0.0,0.0755644527161986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701023645704334,0.11637770585148782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669258550301057,0.07217961671768205,0.049857427822475237,0.0,0.07074635208294046,0.0,0.06246695077718435,0.059274995734010925,0.0,0.0,0.06001023290775595,0.0,0.0,0.09423425400477284,0.07156376891855944,0.07091376238474043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377859711120302,0.10467819096204957,0.05444076446969148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034492523484413,0.047831330698544366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680765514840946,0.1232670541243233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754187679853223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578362972059491,0.0,0.060280600644036876,0.06714405409836874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249681848643782,0.06425942149041958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054341040203592185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056370577922200314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614472986762978,0.05673486346971324,0.12339166051101284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045813113850504,0.0,0.0,0.3292770762689401,0.0,0.0,0.06744855470305337,0.0784243487468744,0.28754215057626875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192837842398935,0.0,0.05824136633718795,0.20816913091172526,0.05602838535612474,0.05662034090767494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880745722639615,0.0,0.0680429972871452,0.0,0.051387910990776185,0.07168415423837428,0.0,0.10028544060367148,0.0,0.0,0.04545547869104232
bpd,lwm24,2018/11/11,"What are ways you like to receive or show love & support? I recently had a family member diagnosed & I’m looking for ways I can show my love & support. What are things that family/friends have done for you that were really appreciated?

Thanks!",4.487553191489361,6.7017721702127675,5.562712765957446,76.10875000000001,71.97872340425532,9.806382978723407,28.77127659574468,10.125756701596842,3.2627914893617014,200,8,36,6,4,66,33,47,0.0,0.596,0.40399999999999997,0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,1,14,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,6,3,11,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,2,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6069985270261857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953729127103344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191099977867163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604196598784053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427495372644178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123179017806872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681466936346286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370804988106449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963050282782793,0.0,0.18438334031504816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238209511257453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192521345960424,0.0,0.0,0.12406183822901452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964512309377728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayBPD4321,2018/11/11,"Suffering from BPD (amongst other things) and helpless Hey, first of all, sorry for posting on mobile, and I’m using a throwaway account probably more because of posting anxiety than anything. I’ve never posted or even read posts on this subreddit before, so I have no idea about any etiquette there might be in place, I apologize in advance if I happen to violate any rules or norms.

I more and more feel like I’m losing control. I’m having breakdowns twice a day. So much as a friend not talking to me but talking to others can send me into an hourlong rampage where I (try to) guilt-trip and manipulate them into spending time with me and me alone. It’s gone so far that I even sexually harassed someone, not because I was particularly interested in them, but because I felt so incredibly worthless and unlovable that... honestly I don’t even know what I tried to achieve. I should probably also add that that person was a minor (I am 18, she is 15), and obviously I feel absolutely terrible for it, and also terrified that she or her guardians will take legal action because of it - also, this isn’t the first time I didn’t respect someone’s boundaries out of my own selfish desire for approval, and I’m starting to worry that one day I might become a rapist or worse.

Other than that, a lot of things are spiraling out of control. I keep losing, or rather scaring away, people I once was very close to, by being overly demanding and acting extremely erratic. I can barely go two hours without having something upset me to a point of suicidal depression. And of course, everytime a friend abandons me, I get even more demanding and pushy towards my remaining friends, scaring them all away one by one. Even succeeding at something makes me feel insecure and inferior, because others could have done it faster and better - hell, even my mental illnesses make me feel worthless because if others can live with them, why can’t I?

At this point I’ll feeling completely helpless. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, my therapists don’t help, the time I spent in psychiatry didn’t help, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be like this until the day I die. What should and can I possibly do?",8.807475728155337,7.652386640776701,8.883805825242721,68.0609514563107,61.23300970873787,11.638058252427184,40.74563106796117,10.686352973137794,4.4846355339805815,1744,83,295,35,20,574,214,412,0.25,0.631,0.11900000000000001,-0.997,0,1,2,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,4,11,17,31,4,4,12,0,33,2,0,6,4,66,59,34,2,8,14,0,6,2,3,5,1,0,0,1,25,23,0,4,10,1,3,6,12,21,0,7,9,6,43,10,48,41,9,46,1,10,0,1,18,22,1,12,16,222,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047091060649438,0.0,0.18640336943136493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567357802963546,0.0,0.059438177579009585,0.0,0.07705478634228104,0.0,0.0,0.06393821005640969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599823327583672,0.0,0.0,0.2841811059340737,0.08581049959377351,0.06611463039843336,0.0,0.0,0.06871689668337817,0.0,0.0,0.09785695656860756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146408014370267,0.0,0.17428812760647291,0.06203492557564572,0.0,0.0,0.15032488036527902,0.0,0.06692052081399544,0.0,0.08063747054046813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951125462703099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079097739645834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643030086295876,0.05550692531750269,0.0746015370198604,0.0,0.0,0.1321784689644132,0.0,0.0,0.1800860896491614,0.0,0.04059360218862442,0.0,0.044157133248208684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687074146352759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041576472528314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651613260140941,0.0,0.0,0.08771072904795281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906087879667215,0.0,0.0,0.08540074465581474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591789575162212,0.0,0.0686080882990262,0.0,0.0,0.17384667956482755,0.0,0.0660554167973279,0.0,0.0,0.10372702492987716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830054550208455,0.16484899105824458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711641294043787,0.0,0.059924903030093984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274502712742511,0.157948986306375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386548471254272,0.06784223492414232,0.08117708103305342,0.0,0.14689801560201962,0.08759196630039062,0.29764992191777634,0.0,0.1675415366273051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771826812843569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555769875737887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166524227536236,0.11963026590369095,0.0,0.08697570142142842,0.10998901580034401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498817214078191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841865655665436,0.12490020024391675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021248665202768,0.10323719049074467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359176601692079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550265447956422,0.0,0.0758989157309357,0.0,0.0,0.06710547073362554,0.0,0.06410836188825375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010967600857572,0.0,0.0,0.07489736880126202,0.08425934477058998,0.0,0.078905320918489,0.0791801276132332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anxious-wreck,2018/11/11,"Just heard the song that would trigger me every single time. I'm doing just fine, I finally enjoyed that song by its beauty instead of drowning in pain with it. My life has undoubtedly changed in the past year thanks to therapy. I am so happy. 

To anyone going through their worst, I'm proud that you're still alive. It can get tough but I swear that it gets better. It all gets so much more manageable and clearer. You'll get through it ",2.297312661498712,4.7589974651162805,2.9552713178294603,90.89425064599483,80.16279069767442,5.682687338501292,23.50904392764857,6.937597516519254,0.8088516795865637,346,12,69,4,9,108,64,86,0.078,0.723,0.19899999999999998,0.8812,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,2,6,9,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,2,9,15,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,10,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,7,6,9,12,5,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830912320037325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288728847097496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25463789291585703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028074655332185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26368462043515284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030414536339826,0.0,0.13680030411118016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562388922929433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700196768509025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769485943770731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561310332058913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978369555488284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922302826442782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161223520870724,0.27527138198903583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035918153708465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099255766861285,0.0,0.0,0.15500851399057225
bpd,babsquinnmeow,2018/11/11,"How Do I Restrain From Entering Relationships Or Actively Seeking Them Out? Before I begin, I want to give some background info. Ever since I was a child, I was bullied. So much so that I tried to ditch kindergarten class and walked off campus but my close friend snitched me out (talk about a sense of betrayal, lol). Bullying continued and then some sexual trauma when I was 7. At age 10, met my first guy. He was 13. Was very suicidal and attempted suicide. I was a complete emotional mess over it and two weeks out the hospital he already had another chick under his wing. I felt my first heartbreak then. Ages 13-14 I was finally getting my shit together, but then I met a 19 year old dude at 15 which led me to spiraling down (though I was already beginning to before him) and decided he was the one. So I dropped everything and he became my main focus. Nine months later he leaves me for some Instagram famous ‘emo’ model (same age as me and they are still together btw). Was used for nudes by some military dude, got fucked over by only IRL friends I had, been up and down constantly, was cheated on for being depressed, diagnosed with PCOS, was in an incredibly toxic relationship for a year then I met another guy who I was too much to handle for. And then I met two good guys since but it didn’t work out due to wrong timing. Left me feeling crushed and I am struggling to cope.

I know what I have to do, but I guess I need reassurance that it’s okay to be single for a little bit so I can truly work on myself. I’m just so terrified if I don’t find the one ***now*** then it’s never going to happen for me. :( 

I know this is an irrational fear as there are 7.5 billion people in the world and I’m not the only single person, but I also know if I continue this vicious cycle, it’s never going to get any better for me and I will be hindering myself in the process.

As I write this, i feel a strong sense of anxiety tingling my skin. 

I don’t know how to cope with loneliness nor how to like my own company. 

I got a small taste of ‘love’ and now I’m hooked. 

Help? ",1.4822334859385222,3.7647594028777007,3.4433066274253328,87.25585595160238,82.06954436450839,7.052299978199258,22.906529321996953,8.150884317080207,1.441302637889689,1609,56,330,34,44,542,228,417,0.212,0.7020000000000001,0.086,-0.997,0,0,0,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,2,7,19,20,4,2,16,2,31,8,3,5,3,58,61,42,2,4,10,0,4,1,2,1,2,0,0,6,13,20,1,1,10,0,0,5,7,11,0,8,24,5,52,9,51,33,12,61,0,2,0,3,30,23,2,8,33,231,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186072005474632,0.0792098595112528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735706518058039,0.20772410067963684,0.0757726060961328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856767991288654,0.0,0.0,0.08760124479955547,0.10813641425678204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385152955787227,0.10703733523204284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531120013978437,0.10053317040279064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141737007443583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959595491821241,0.0,0.0,0.08901931525482214,0.0,0.0,0.11145823917806276,0.1001648194401578,0.0,0.09510306521861134,0.10850389964813244,0.09052946016391168,0.16850292978644996,0.0,0.0,0.15305081560012548,0.09156967841777564,0.10349856452355263,0.0950173180600346,0.11258424131538514,0.08307803187067016,0.15843788728407965,0.0,0.10911420516699373,0.2942237703109389,0.08758915695424957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639080048086705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177400872198577,0.0,0.0,0.10487913231633124,0.10761758535083134,0.0,0.0,0.04839058871537822,0.09927363295434782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939605235238274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906037604035134,0.0,0.14562557721783956,0.07344395860657726,0.1527861807880122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039358016449537,0.0,0.13423702643829558,0.15066323548291258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866846060135838,0.08648621396164276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126842167638688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167290139482486,0.16386956089041374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910106878037043,0.0,0.0,0.10354805661670773,0.0,0.2166881809891824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961224637002164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731564331443804,0.0,0.0577565673836453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724811733460306,0.0,0.19351396287879244,0.0,0.0,0.08554697684052551,0.0,0.08172622127200703,0.05842196886795936,0.0,0.07945154450407309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421844982221105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829509307169054,0.0,0.12756927741089427
bpd,leighboweryliveson,2018/11/11,"Blind4luv is causing issues here The user listed above is controlling the subreddit and saying ridiculous things to people on their posts. I strongly suggest that the admin come in and remove this person or they will continue to say triggering things to people in this subreddit. They are being vague on purpose but deliberately saying things to set others off. This is a BPD group, this is supposed to be a safe place. This person needs to leave",8.112151898734176,9.344126544303801,7.301113924050636,70.8587594936709,62.03797468354431,9.357974683544304,32.255696202531645,9.3871,3.1354941772151905,363,13,54,6,5,112,54,79,0.053,0.88,0.067,0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,2,1,3,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,3,0,10,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,10,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,11,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,1,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25683664009762985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948734556653453,0.0,0.17566349580467655,0.0,0.0,0.22871944250570325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284491861655067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592733344563825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120794565479684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827521025774034,0.3561192231114313,0.21305842197171806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530396343638134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865084919871001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064365079682215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HylianCornMuffin,2018/11/11,"Another Obsession?      I was diagnosed (Borderline) years ago after being misdiagnosed as manic depressive/bipolar for a long time. By the time I was diagnosed with Borderline, I was in therapy solely to get any drugs that would calm my thoughts (benzos) and prove to everyone else I was okay, so I didn't pay ANY attention to my therapy or my diagnosis. If I'm honest, I didn't even look into it for the longest. In my head, I had it mixed up with Multiple Personality Disorder, so I thought there's no way I have that, and brushed it off. 
     So now, years later, I'm in a long-term, wonderful, patient, relationship. I've been doing a lot recently to make myself more healthy. Lost 60 lbs (the healthy way, by exercising and eating right, not doing drugs and starving myself like I've tried many times before). I am working on my attitude and how much I snap on people around me, trying to be a better friend and SO. So I started looking into my diagnosis. I watched some videos on YouTube explaining it, as well as someone recording themselves going through an episode. I had never seen this before outside of myself. I finally didn't feel like I was the only person going through this. 
This brings me to my current problem. 

     Does anyone else here feel like wanting to learn about their diagnoses might just be another obsession that you will get over in a few days/weeks? I worry that I'm learning all of this stuff, wanting to share it with friends and family, doing the work so I can get better, but that in a few weeks im going to be completely over it. 

Tl/Dr: Do you ever feel like learning about your BPD diagnosis is just another fleeting obsession that you will lose interest of sooner rather than later? ",6.324074074074076,6.908495234567906,7.080469135802471,73.15311111111113,65.79012345679013,10.554074074074077,35.02716049382716,10.467255456243755,3.8241338271604937,1352,61,240,33,20,449,180,324,0.067,0.816,0.11699999999999999,0.9001,1,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,4,1,6,19,20,0,3,12,1,27,8,1,2,4,44,52,20,0,6,7,0,3,4,2,4,6,0,0,2,17,13,1,0,12,2,1,4,6,6,1,0,15,8,35,14,43,29,7,40,0,2,4,0,12,16,0,6,22,170,52,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133240435632505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478869402991805,0.2886291791312841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415496795014072,0.09401052673720384,0.0,0.08167852402518899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614798963989768,0.0,0.0,0.16229396136284396,0.0,0.0,0.11555813704457255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619998074287127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793783326430113,0.0,0.0,0.10515547255449904,0.0,0.08029258851572771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128058380342413,0.09388496221996516,0.15329365391638192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060601175949128866,0.08299472501238511,0.0,0.0876727441136664,0.0,0.0,0.0864953990550091,0.0,0.13917734879224886,0.1966424393629832,0.0,0.1005095745928331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177437324317888,0.0,0.14380953207625394,0.0,0.15643392869512854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941637820488571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910765169657487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930111274717225,0.0,0.0,0.1623948508655339,0.15409674992165104,0.10264675668618176,0.10015789081902984,0.07800407017001708,0.0,0.0,0.06124501610505737,0.09302188946566683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733412405388077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744810492280195,0.0,0.07076461806656878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978135234897072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360912174925727,0.16022820565194448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779404848012896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905937996667636,0.09850705928021587,0.0,0.07835550663094508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774097337778911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494237204456042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503382037091284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985228077117535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456813064742733,0.16050357737826446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458685240602255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082351372961995,0.14565656192502655,0.14719546421362895,0.0,0.08249585635710774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950087609212753,0.13359275645460886,0.09317837186007302,0.0,0.06517782190501079,0.0,0.0,0.11817025789178433
bpd,ponygirl97,2018/11/11,"Other BPDs with histrionic traits/personality? I recently got diagnosed with BPD with histrionic traits but the psychiatrist seemed to think it could be enough for a disorder, but wasnt sure just yet. 
I just want to hear how it affects other people, tell me anything!

I am definitely flirtatious, theatrical and enjoy performing and admiration. If I go out and no one is interested in me, I feel like I am the most hideous being in the universe. I want to leave and  not getting validation triggers self hatred and sometimes selfharm. I guess that is the BPD side of me. I also cant distinguish platonic interest from sexual interest and if someone doesnt want to have sex with me, I take it as me being ugly and unattractive and they hate me. Like what sort of logic is that? Sometimes youre just not attracted to someone even though they are nice and good looking. (Try telling that to my shitty brain) I feel like I have to be sexy and attractive for someone (especially men) to enjoy my company. Its ridiculous.

I also take full offense when someone I dated or hooked up with finds someone else even though I was the one that ended things. My ex almost boyfriend (who is still my friend, we broke up in good terms from my initiative) started dating a wonderful girl and I freaked out totally, thinking I am never enough and I am unworthy of love. I internalized it all and said I was happy for him and later I got drunk and cut and beat myself. I feel like these things would be hard enough with just bpd, but these histrionic traits make every single moment Im not validated pure hell. It also fucks me up that I cant be content in being plain and I always have to have (especially sexual) validation. 

There are some parts of my theatricality I am proud of, and I internalize most of these emotions. Most people say Im pretty chill(lol). No one knows how desperate for attention and appreciation I truly am.

These are just a few examples. I really dont know what is bpd and what is histrionic. I just know Im a mess. I also dont feel like Im self-centered and manipulative, even though those are also traits for hpd. I am truly emotionally exhausted and I would really like to hear other peoples experiences. ",5.166050316406854,6.790324665071772,6.267752739620312,74.14217240314866,69.09569377990431,9.795462262694864,30.23028245099552,10.088038600937136,3.216704182744252,1762,70,315,46,31,588,198,418,0.16699999999999998,0.613,0.22,0.9858,0,0,0,0,1,0,47.0,1,1,2,3,23,32,6,0,9,0,39,7,1,6,5,85,69,40,0,8,15,1,5,6,1,2,2,4,0,3,25,31,1,0,15,1,0,1,12,10,0,3,6,10,51,22,39,53,14,24,1,1,1,3,18,11,2,12,18,236,76,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695259090279523,0.0,0.0,0.2776228898617332,0.05777281196315729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571364478097042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497876394641566,0.07750884094129706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055435635192237306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047180607666594,0.0,0.0,0.07957484747999334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274708330014345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058001351873174935,0.15620283864518034,0.06149595815118189,0.21522480037600508,0.0,0.1375771288772697,0.0,0.05849927826975178,0.0,0.0,0.0679176142629682,0.0,0.0,0.14042719836666204,0.1984083407203676,0.0,0.0,0.06345939887636674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536428292952164,0.0641885717331463,0.03627524497185576,0.0,0.03945968673562367,0.11647218381284477,0.11106189154430947,0.0,0.07648694531297179,0.0,0.0,0.07391143232507197,0.06219724671238381,0.06854951885090416,0.0,0.0,0.15650934863293614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29999299423120057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144736891828505,0.0,0.0,0.07351824123792201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203525194931553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058305217380973225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266490194386345,0.0,0.046346259467797565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053550077355306105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114633494944348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518786329630422,0.0,0.1444057842708134,0.06062516156797481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063709236521268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895956610545011,0.0,0.06855551704529289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604553271690823,0.055214946787040316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320809461694707,0.1448650005121832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941466549103115,0.0,0.13733963282269512,0.0,0.049144178851524535,0.0,0.055448317776244566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543864108400345,0.0,0.1044081314918732,0.0,0.12137289087927927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225479320254447,0.08897817595085694,0.20464914564230344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047139628292210654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285800728807698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529581529913447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864470409719063,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdbearrug,2018/11/11,"Things aren't going well Kicked some friends out my house last night and when they asked for a reason the only thing I could of was ""I don't like you"". Still don't. I have my reasons, a lot of it petty but I just had to go make a point of it all this morning with some attention seeking bridge burningKicked some friends out my house last night and when they asked for a reason the only thing I could of was ""I don't like you"". Still don't. I have my reasons, a lot of it petty but I just had to go make a point of it all this morning with some attention seeking bridge burning. 

I just woke up from a nap, thought about that I did that earlier, and now I feel sick. Mix of shame, embarrasment, and regret. But that sick gut feeling feels numb compared to the emptyness. I've been burning a lot of bridges recently, so much that now it's happened again it just feels hollow. But I keep giving in to the compulsions to cause a fight. To give myself a reason to stop talking to people. I'm running short on friendsI just woke up from a nap, thought about that I did that earlier, and now I feel sick. Mix of shame, embarrasment, and regret. But that sick gut feeling feels numb compared to the emptyness. I've been burning a lot of bridges recently, so much that now it's happened again it just feels hollow. But I keep giving in to the compulsions to cause a fight. To give myself a reason to stop talking to people. I'm running short on friends.

I lost my job recently. It's becoming harder and harder to keep a job down. First time it wasn't my choice to leave though. That really hurts. 

I have no access to therapy. I have no money, no job, no one in my life I feel love for, and if I don't find work soon no where to live. 

Things are going bad.",1.4711904761904755,3.6150371204481817,2.7217577030812343,93.21160014005604,81.15686274509805,5.871428571428571,21.96148459383753,7.054809383877858,0.5554476190476194,1360,43,296,17,36,437,126,357,0.233,0.701,0.066,-0.9963,3,0,0,0,2,0,44.0,0,2,2,3,24,18,2,2,21,0,22,10,2,10,2,68,56,20,0,5,13,0,9,2,3,0,7,0,0,0,25,12,0,5,20,2,1,6,12,11,1,2,14,9,33,7,47,40,12,43,0,4,0,1,18,15,0,9,24,204,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588999350343747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060683878015674125,0.0,0.0802681777032054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493225807660078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116056437230494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307378964938584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642723328451414,0.061820668132684976,0.0,0.0,0.16845470326201373,0.0,0.0,0.27888104232212724,0.16522046300676801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853949093829345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772347440423405,0.07780430706308301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636789635542036,0.1938011403441256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848607074328485,0.0,0.07695650207612298,0.0,0.0,0.05133528377747122,0.07101451659054085,0.0,0.06417683441459697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933764704819153,0.2471561386472545,0.06559557975463992,0.0,0.09702751189086818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685476498508566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640852113279495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924912981084355,0.11055121584401903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077284992964668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741017796669178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655998918370325,0.4483563218807453,0.21528505175003093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608298866279303,0.12152569420624605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683315580034348,0.0,0.0,0.08311470043914994,0.0,0.19313862968097786,0.0,0.07140668826453128,0.1153979180278356,0.04237967362623883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534709428360863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291113297773733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shaishia,2018/11/11,"I'm genuinely scared for my life I've been diagnosed with major depression disorder and anxiety and put on a bunch of meds such as Prozac since March and the dosage is 60mg per day, currently. 
I haven't been able to continue seeing my shrink since July but that didn't stop me from continuing to take meds til this day. 
On top of that, and what's really alarming here, yesterday I had a meltdown, cried my eyes out, suicidal thoughts were intensely present and especially I wanted to cut to feel better. 
I used to cut in high school and even once in college but I stopped but the urge is always there.
After yesterday's meltdown, I kept feeling down, crying obviously wasn't enough... I wanted to punch or do smth u know but I didn't ""let myself"" fearing of the precautions. Kinda woke up feeling like shit too UNTIL my pet scratched my hand and just when I saw the blood I felt surprisingly better. 
I always had my suspicions that I might have bpd. And I did mention this to my psychiatrist once in therapy but he said we can't tell yet. With this desire to cut and harm myself just to release my frustrations I really don't know what to think here especially because my therapist is far away(not in the same city as me) and he's not replying to my texts on facebook or any of my calls.
Besides I'm extremely sick of the thought that my life is revolved around meds and sleeping basically, I barely eat sometimes. 
I feel like I've never felt this low and I'm afraid for my life.",4.927783505154643,5.988195068728522,5.696183848797251,80.13891494845363,69.10309278350515,9.531340206185568,30.35756013745705,9.766711354998122,2.807588178694158,1179,46,231,27,20,385,163,291,0.184,0.7,0.11599999999999999,-0.973,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,3,11,17,5,4,8,0,20,12,5,1,2,50,43,24,1,3,10,0,8,2,0,1,6,1,1,0,10,17,1,3,11,0,0,1,8,12,0,0,17,12,34,5,37,24,4,33,0,2,3,0,7,15,1,4,19,143,44,2,0.1071829999134345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836968435816014,0.0,0.0,0.07288811540281392,0.0,0.08199470156100558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541559403854584,0.0,0.0,0.10070195666727387,0.0,0.0,0.06533776191059197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895893065786669,0.0,0.0,0.13499323627218385,0.0,0.10944582668942096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354709849579345,0.1382483358316351,0.0,0.09231656076865284,0.10878848872771243,0.0,0.0,0.12284100380042726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967496717670616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074869073246696,0.0,0.07079336057587615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206106735503566,0.2167797809801586,0.15314311310866727,0.20582497691167229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324472416358786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780994734963154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960187928190712,0.2271195678502411,0.10472839947051273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35716845067839337,0.0,0.0,0.11370422491912875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266613715559057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22829279366622146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774851905622304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732834864423002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195557757768567,0.0,0.10730888113886246,0.10847491813966097,0.08541097390122808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100218091500444,0.1773257702539053,0.0,0.10726040619412533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600672757659796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921957452933465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724080540046225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058827684598018,0.0,0.09368266620629677,0.0,0.12257310149207905,0.12444772402849405,0.0,0.06867853848467857,0.0,0.17018265894799364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257169836003752,0.0,0.0,0.12643862072942924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,camusletoe,2018/11/11,"I swear I'm unlovable. In a romantic sense. I'm apparently great for meaningless sex but commitment is something that no one in my life wants. I feel like I'll graduate college next year and still have never been in a relationship. I remember asking someone to go on a date with me to a movie where a lot of our mutuals would be, they said that they were going with a friend group, but then we all go and them and another person are obviously into each other and on a date so they lied to me to let me down easy. I don't understand why. I'm funny, I'm widely renowned on campus for my bullshit, but people just see me as a novelty to sleep with. I'll never be good enough or stable enough to marry or have a kid with and that makes me feel empty. ",3.45268035190616,4.367018303225805,5.207390029325513,82.82563049853374,72.41935483870971,8.733137829912026,25.703812316715545,9.095868883498916,1.8692580645161287,587,18,124,12,11,201,98,155,0.135,0.711,0.154,0.6512,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,4,0,4,5,0,0,9,0,11,3,1,1,5,31,26,13,0,2,6,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,4,12,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,3,4,17,4,22,19,5,21,0,0,1,1,13,10,0,3,9,87,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869650325164681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666881575303052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684669411174249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030954195842236,0.12737887479108595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377555643361828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039991450607301,0.14955112939985096,0.0,0.19657841526578798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182325718401863,0.12593986721981246,0.08710927584291267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158585378979125,0.0,0.0,0.11901786709872406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27503475201611943,0.0,0.1896260365804507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208219457002576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361205009128093,0.15568629497164446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914294555754184,0.20198123425659087,0.0,0.16960588676691676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208348687060224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843061399630453,0.0,0.15107457595784854,0.1372654725028116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239208496483444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561851039541336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516704872796567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088968341980864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666051604865705,0.0,0.0,0.11482054331295173
bpd,LandoCaltrollian,2018/11/11,"week two up Into week two on an amazing up up up. SOOO fucking productive, I need about 3-5 hours of sleep max a night, confident as a champion stud etc etc etc, What worries me is I now what happens after the up. It is never fun. Never. 

​

Anyone else feel this way?",0.4007142857142867,2.7602219285714327,2.701428571428572,89.94357142857143,88.64285714285714,5.342857142857143,22.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.8411714285714291,212,8,43,3,7,72,43,56,0.08800000000000001,0.737,0.175,0.7505,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,2,3,1,0,2,5,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,3,2,11,6,3,16,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,8,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187808398118818,0.2106209952602197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119986097296237,0.17760218942668926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447991491254587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5799430260535609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876433832181454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024541274246826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327956645061144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707000575393494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852570483710582,0.2673732727335609,0.0,0.0,0.16266315376526005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346017865136756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386462133400168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758525348210532,0.2780777602820602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603010454162446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106209952602197,0.0
bpd,Lil_Dev,2018/11/11,"Looking for a parent in other people I just had a panic attack when I realized my therapist could never serve as a maternal figure, which I was subconsciously yearning for her to do. This happens every time I get close to anyone. I catch myself fantasizing about them filling this rotting void that my negligent parents left, then break down when I'm forced to confront that it isnt possible.

I'm so nurture starved and numb, it feels like nothing matters. I'm tired of living half awake. I kinda wish I could have found the nerve to end it sometime during the last decade. 

(Not at risk, just venting)

",5.681261061946902,7.132913619469028,6.00016592920354,77.20254977876108,67.6725663716814,8.127876106194691,31.82411504424779,8.472884824447931,2.636965486725664,481,20,81,7,8,154,87,113,0.17300000000000001,0.726,0.10099999999999999,-0.8236,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,2,2,5,0,7,2,0,0,1,16,16,6,0,4,3,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,3,2,12,2,12,11,0,15,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,8,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381381475959894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771663345923575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055946505765534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695014026439112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124164934551607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676492491582762,0.13671830254955952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983275484847055,0.0,0.0,0.09998551268792398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923223629793924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559961267597358,0.0,0.0,0.2079294431777485,0.0,0.0,0.09349613386911312,0.0,0.16898758703998004,0.0,0.16070675902369325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760015936494333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362942597762955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453726983951214,0.4249984686496592,0.0,0.0,0.13267529400670866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574650155935554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927471903776796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222010672234245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159227236691302,0.21995735268250755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200717479081803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shapeshifter_no_97,2018/11/11,"DAE ""play the part"" ? So, a lot of the time I feel like I'm ""playing the part"" or ""playing the role"" which is often just a reflection of what I feel the other person desires. Like, a constructed personality just for someone, or even just a situation. 
This is gonna sound very edge lord, but sometimes I feel like a shapeshifter. 
I'll even lie to keep the act going. 
Basically, I'm wondering if anyone else hoes goes through something similar?

(Also I'm new to the BPD forum, and only got an official diagnosis a few months ago (though I feel its been going on for years), and it's been really comforting to go through the posts on here and know I'm not alone♡)",5.237958015267175,5.462899618320613,6.379456106870233,78.49071087786263,68.08396946564886,9.908778625954199,30.878816793893126,9.827888789773867,2.7478618320610684,514,19,105,11,8,173,86,131,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.9118,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,15,0,4,0,0,0,0,22,20,10,0,2,8,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,3,0,1,7,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,5,4,7,11,16,4,12,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,6,8,62,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419800874798309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808703101054014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199383608433014,0.16411199098081458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172715335838665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380058394559335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158012801250264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32394488294664897,0.22884942325231586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27308307256775105,0.0,0.12810172058768374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423654993634907,0.0,0.0,0.08802465209525316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347513381155944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616989186746709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784530739063904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469214530389186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181568452792547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34689467365051835,0.0,0.0,0.2797066536424145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339755483740738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260831435862433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800365818900795,0.0,0.0,0.13571060991371425,0.12330586318275187,0.1584111617840477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736515504431986,0.0,0.09339578788774856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215613691316674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369636621078746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031435359975617
bpd,tulipsonyourorgan19,2018/11/11,Just got diagnosed ..... hi I'm T I just got diagnosed with this I don't understand it but the mood changes are fucking he'll it feels like in 5 mins I go from happy to paniced to suicidal thought I'm going crazy I feel I feel my girlfriend is gonna leave so I don't like tell her I'm freaking out <what it feels like all the time> it's hard bc she's not here but I feel if she was here I would just push her away like I do everyone else I feel so worthless bc I can't talk or explain why I feel like this.,-2.062032036613271,-0.288610704347823,0.41748283752860615,102.84983981693372,103.86956521739133,4.160183066361556,19.096109839816933,6.05967700443912,-0.2303043478260873,399,15,102,5,19,133,69,115,0.172,0.654,0.174,0.0614,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,1,1,2,0,8,3,0,0,1,22,28,6,1,2,8,0,8,5,1,3,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,10,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,4,8,17,6,7,21,1,7,0,1,0,1,10,3,1,2,6,53,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861809589387178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607709165348066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29949871207434337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325021275663428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098019179400065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222023738062074,0.3162064686864535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363977712097714,0.0,0.0,0.1677000493405754,0.0,0.23600142617229475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705840407188507,0.1321662968639106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622289104365067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604014212102459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310566291032947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138412542839412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858655783775487,0.1289559134455056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712978038486052,0.08603139379734824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359368862180398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313133418106196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048077361531027,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,accebs,2018/11/11,"I feel terrible and guilty I live with my boyfriend. He knows about my BPD. He's the most amazing person in the world and I feel so horrible.

I switch between love and hate constantly. The hate fills me with disgust. The love is overbearing. 

​

I know he wants to marry me one day, but I don't think it is fair to subject him to me for the rest of his life. I don't deserve his kindness. ",0.5877777777777808,2.976988086419756,1.8455432098765456,96.25794444444449,87.88888888888891,5.215308641975309,22.91481481481481,6.742157984588678,0.6111718518518514,309,12,68,4,10,98,54,81,0.19399999999999998,0.684,0.122,-0.6563,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,13,14,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,2,15,4,10,14,2,5,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,1,2,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23628115545976155,0.26498161223165906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27465432269217144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23565859445392265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063853897316198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22052772999091064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306023323113703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270886556198983,0.23969357420599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403085567011301,0.0,0.0,0.19256176243088596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393637378984098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477713776484822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041224800354148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973187095807427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862464334344365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26498161223165906,0.0
bpd,thebraavosibarista,2018/11/11,"I'm new here. I'm finally going to go to a doctor soon. I ""had"" a diagnosis at 14 but 1) a doctor can't diagnose until 18 and 2) I wasn't given my BPD diagnosis by a doctor, but by a shitty therapist/life coach who screwed me over and skipped town. That was almost a full 15 years ago. I do have enough symptoms for a diagnosis. But I don't know what else is wrong with me. All I know is that I'm too anxious to go to job interviews or drive a car. I'm too depressed to shower regularly or clean my house - at least I am right now. I had a manic episode for a solid week and deep cleaned my house but that was when I was still working, a few months ago. I don't enjoy this. I want off this ride. I know it's not that easy but I'm scared I'm going to die if I don't.

Everyone's experiences are different but I'm going into this kinda blind. I had a therapist and psychiatrist for anxiety and depression a few years ago but I was too busy with school and working to pay bills to stay with it, and medication wasn't going well for me anyway so I didn't mind when I lost my insurance. Coming off of Effexor was horrible but I'd take anything over how I feel now. I want my life back. Tell me about some of your experiences of getting help for the first time. I don't know what's really going to happen and I'm nervous about it.",0.8453522403522413,2.602237332167832,3.6005516705516705,88.11498704998709,81.27272727272728,7.174099974099972,21.78140378140378,8.167268648758528,1.0697528101528104,1031,32,236,21,27,365,141,286,0.203,0.745,0.051,-0.9931,3,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,4,17,9,1,2,14,0,22,9,0,1,1,38,50,24,1,3,12,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,3,0,13,13,0,0,5,1,2,11,9,7,1,1,13,2,29,2,32,37,7,42,0,3,1,1,5,11,1,6,19,153,42,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765308433510372,0.0,0.10412654360853492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954868860500043,0.11747411376529228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557127706308781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995849692257306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096620527373387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957437475397523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912526555649078,0.10554318082578393,0.10792062097448783,0.10864280507889784,0.0,0.3193009602960401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686661389422477,0.0,0.0,0.1074449073509192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936268354753013,0.0,0.20343571259161425,0.0,0.0,0.05257823665661058,0.0,0.0,0.11391112659615946,0.0,0.08845008625945011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054328176794547614,0.0,0.4136818337755059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919541102082236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696993463177024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23997080955108174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031896487829256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285910342466379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344809455189358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135125506889207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475453797231676,0.0,0.0,0.10499579881718693,0.0,0.08300030259813282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100429926853283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661582904116625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880312220503854,0.0,0.0,0.1041077119344745,0.10523896447290122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083479886445333,0.08304302323651443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808083913690056,0.07818421944331087,0.0,0.09088798544118401,0.0,0.0,0.241470559874608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060634831377798064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266678549427687,0.0,0.08341096470830521,0.0,0.09349552990569676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140549001901712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369191426885768,0.0,0.13392661605764766
bpd,borderlinebacon,2018/11/11,"DAE have a really weird sleep cycle? Mine is fucked up to the point where I’ll spend a week where I’m awake all night and asleep all day (this week) and then the next week it’s normal again, but I’ll have to nap for like three hours each day.

It’s exhausting and it means I miss a lot of my college lessons. College is already my second chance after I had to drop a levels, and I don’t want to mess this up too.

Any advice?",0.013369565217388413,2.010045771739133,1.4653913043478255,100.94265217391306,85.84782608695653,4.5495652173913035,14.634782608695652,5.6839178017228535,-1.090238260869565,329,5,81,2,10,105,62,92,0.168,0.754,0.078,-0.8129,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,6,0,6,4,2,0,2,13,11,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,6,1,9,10,4,18,0,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,12,48,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202348491901666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487080546527372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326342962378844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29069779033578463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835650909419226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194999209266447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010734461410744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160664212104375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455005691192341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23968996591388603,0.2115001377995724,0.2208206586191004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305319736387066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438165660799535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255387949777837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132932622436453,0.0,0.5423491730357651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,h0peless-s3mantic,2018/11/11,"How do we feel about the show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend in this sub? I actually think they have portrayed BPD surprisingly well, but I wanted to hear everyone's reaction to it. The random shifts to elaborate choreographed songs also resonates with feeling like I'm in a movie when dissociating in my day to day life - maybe intentional, maybe not. 

​

What do you relate to in this show, and what if anything do you think it gets wrong about BPD?",7.390609756097561,8.13736806097561,6.923073170731707,74.63778048780492,63.512195121951216,9.974634146341463,33.47317073170731,9.888512548439397,3.1811043902439025,359,14,64,7,5,112,60,82,0.069,0.83,0.10099999999999999,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,1,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,14,12,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,7,3,12,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.1872401723565528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344060682290805,0.0,0.20789409590581534,0.2331464504622653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789496370405112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4833141432003615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474841622680272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334268052009667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194033303076638,0.13707396485760648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024561742555378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625458764996047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552543121277655,0.0937393569792984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855240290506903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245888682282189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131715472063832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725166879310135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097827833478591,0.2331464504622653,0.0
bpd,JohnieScofflaw,2018/11/11,"I crave, more than anything, simple human affection. And that's the one thing she she (34, BPD) is unwilling to do for me (31, also BPD). 

She was an escort and I was a virgin loser. Still am, technically, the penetrative sex was a non starter for me. 

I'm uncomfortable with sex, but I have a keen interest in vaginas and felt it was about time at 30 that I had known the touch of a woman, to out myself as the nice guy neckbeard she accuses me of being when she's angry and wants to wound me.

She's not an escort anymore, fortunately. She has a good job and kills it at work despite being 6 months pregnant (with her shithead ex's kid, he kicked her out when he found out)

For six months we've been together very nearly every day.

In the first month, we were intimate and we cuddled in (my) bed and I was in heaven. I'd never had that experience in my life, I thought I never would, and I fell in love.

In the second month, when she got  a decent job, we moved into her new apartment. She wanted me to be there because she felt safe with me and didn't want to me alone in her empty apartment. Because I'm mad for her, I was happy to oblige.

Now, though, I'm suddenly her best friend and she doesn't want to be affectionate or intimate with me. She's still escorting at this point. Just no service for me.  And to answer your question, yes I'm ugly.

The sting of that rejection is still very real. We've spoken about it a couple of times, and I understand her reasoning. But the self-hating voice in my head is telling me it's because I disgust her. I try hard not to believe it. 

And don't get me wrong, I love being her best friend. But I also love her in a pretty intense way and it's not doing wonders for my mental health being in such proximity so often, wanting to just hold her and cuddle as we sit alone watching documentaries or something. Not like I've tried, mind you. I wouldn't dare. Too timid.  To just make a move like that. I asked, once, as we watched a movie, if she wanted to rest her legs across my lap. She wasn't interested.

She's the most important thing in my life right now. She knows just the right things to say to keep the hope alive, even though I know it's a delusion. We have lived in close proximity for six months and we haven't so much as hugged in 5 months.

She's asleep right now about 5 feet from where I'm sitting. We share a room because it makes her feel safe to have me here. But she also told me in no uncertain words that she will want to start dating again soon. 

Our thing, as it is, will have to change. I rent my own room on the other side of the city. So it's not like I don't have anywhere do go. But when I do go, after a fight or when I feel like I just have to remove myself, she talks me into coming back. Like last night. Tells me I'm unreasonable.. which I am, because of my reaction to the shame of rejection.

A fucked up part of me wants her to just decide that I'm nothing to her. She wants me to be her platonic soulmate, I want to be the kind of soulmate who loves their soulmate and expresses that.

Kills me to say it because I love her. But I wish we had never met. I have this incredibly strong sense of obligation to her, she's heavily pregnant and due in Feburary, I've said I'm willing to help with the baby. But if he ever calls me dad it might actually kill me.",2.1022758620689643,3.6635930086956527,3.6542928535732138,90.0521739130435,76.88405797101449,6.671664167916043,22.331334332833585,7.438213257848477,0.6821469265367308,2576,72,572,33,58,854,298,690,0.133,0.6809999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.995,3,2,1,0,1,1,92.0,10,2,1,6,39,43,7,3,32,1,49,21,5,4,4,109,98,48,3,16,23,2,6,5,2,6,4,4,4,4,29,39,0,4,15,0,1,7,17,14,0,5,21,12,110,29,87,63,8,86,1,3,2,13,85,39,1,12,42,396,139,4,0.0,0.0,0.06231940423235845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322820680217915,0.0,0.15320954496953926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333323688965196,0.0,0.0,0.05255239805370731,0.0,0.05970168291737814,0.0,0.0,0.04910538795574173,0.0,0.23357548772814074,0.0,0.0,0.07194980198044364,0.13403696203334053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086211138474854,0.0,0.06520951437897067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755677418192241,0.05501084428145607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066129965585004,0.0,0.041185247149095626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042179777923450734,0.05776619042473528,0.05380588880368657,0.0,0.0,0.062468592928513235,0.0,0.0,0.06458037127815933,0.04562251635523192,0.1226337010506619,0.0,0.0,0.05432037829194037,0.0,0.07002060522560638,0.09867814419399336,0.0590387309945146,0.03336488679880672,0.0,0.07258768243036931,0.053563817847962165,0.051075705235239736,0.0,0.0,0.06323271461224719,0.0,0.0679815277492124,0.057207169720457876,0.0,0.06554010467696385,0.06788156203413973,0.0,0.0,0.0428048746902612,0.0,0.0,0.06342866764702859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267449472295366,0.05676284633647979,0.21195915744021684,0.06650170340752863,0.0701929866862996,0.052055472542668776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021423154247736,0.15599699590507787,0.0,0.056390686614675986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881865251685392,0.0,0.08525581023041577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435715719000581,0.06774673383256867,0.06448169529291667,0.0,0.3058408211554045,0.13574888360332932,0.046945394085909434,0.0,0.14776128489938584,0.0616776291489413,0.0,0.0599294919805305,0.0,0.061276627442981985,0.0,0.0,0.06801018669006875,0.043274060968284615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915555083009571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060369558221962924,0.0,0.0,0.06496988765729089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153925703668475,0.0,0.0,0.07268812587964653,0.0,0.06566003935197548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361157107976435,0.06074670824073549,0.10157011761497647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662125020724298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916353888774033,0.0,0.0,0.04520134779168506,0.0,0.1529991194179951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051329283650692815,0.11163515967357243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970640635167855,0.0,0.12548678091860455,0.05069872868342702,0.07447606028214818,0.0,0.0,0.06102219666097305,0.0,0.08671524412462009,0.0,0.0,0.06648185219281869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053845001150416,0.3766704179552741,0.0506901173027426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073437328660703,0.0,0.06925484185781806,0.04649177768569393,0.0,0.0,0.04536522617639232,0.06982229247017126,0.0,0.0
bpd,BikkiesInYourBowl,2018/11/11,"Reading my old journals...have definitely been borderline for a while * On my boyfriend: ""I go from not knowing if I love him to saying he's my one. What the fuck is wrong with me?"" \[later entry\]: ""He deserves a shrine, a monument, a city named in his honor.""
* Changing my major pretty much every two weeks. Several times changing my hair and/or shaving it off completely.
* On lacking identity: ""It's not like I even know myself. Isn't that some sort of maxim? Know thyself or some shit? How am I supposed to know myself? ...I wouldn't even want to make my own acquaintance."" ""More and more I feel any grasp I thought I had on who I am slipping away. Instead I am Sad. Capital - S - SAD.
* On emptiness: ""Most of the time I feel hollow, and the other portion of my time is spent in glowing self-pride.""
* On anger: ""\[Boyfriend\] teased me about spilling a smoothie today and I completely freaked out. I don't know what makes me snap like that but I hate it. It's like I'm a completely different person. On/off.""

I don't really know where I'm going with this post, but I thought it would be nice to share with people who understand. It's strange to look back and see how my thought patterns that I knew weren't normal but that I was just so used to were actually my BPD.",1.4781153184165206,3.9192391164658673,2.6637564543889845,91.80393072289158,83.53815261044176,5.8061388410786,24.55550774526678,7.1686216300943375,1.0785122203098108,976,39,202,14,28,312,146,249,0.151,0.805,0.044000000000000004,-0.9615,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,0,1,10,16,5,0,9,0,16,4,2,5,0,45,43,13,0,6,8,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,16,8,0,0,14,1,1,2,7,9,0,2,10,7,34,7,25,30,10,23,1,2,3,2,12,11,2,6,12,131,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.11637332766149648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109585208869359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204173599220263,0.09169788243179697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501944653281631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523068605827414,0.0,0.375102222356234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459357730088785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753042499164868,0.0,0.10047545230893323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205953875815785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024709994220662,0.0,0.0,0.13554799272731005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773724592540286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932286359186204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174782378704878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014214297329342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763012045501168,0.0,0.1592040627024952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766437669699245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684222070104958,0.0,0.0,0.12513553514129422,0.0,0.08080864280295733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267473217778427,0.10412676378255553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421101893268815,0.12132275841858438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928486371428665,0.0,0.07639626424479537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948344478210448,0.0,0.0,0.095028876353385,0.0,0.12440646176075645,0.13472148536334275,0.1224110722585375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840197128537832,0.20861143666834592,0.0,0.11303751363158525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164924545676314,0.12414615422078908,0.0,0.10299595093543794,0.0,0.0,0.07033826864850158,0.0,0.09565723631287597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471362002401812,0.13038398906081095,0.0,0.0
bpd,quiettcricket,2018/11/11,BPD and relationships My boyfriend has BDP and can't access out-patient help right now. Ive told him recently that I need some alone time to work on my own mental health and he took it horribly. He is at home drunk right now thinking I dont want to see him and reacting impulsively. What can I do to calm him down?,2.029589743589746,3.9924147538461554,3.339615384615385,90.41455128205128,78.38461538461539,7.410256410256411,23.14102564102564,8.344100000000001,1.203871794871795,249,8,56,5,6,81,50,65,0.172,0.7929999999999999,0.035,-0.7894,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,9,13,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,9,1,6,11,2,10,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,4,32,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466020782745643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998813941779212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279054012961704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530915115627765,0.0,0.0,0.15959489017304754,0.0,0.23883592698910655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399510221186413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765497692872142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350972042536951,0.25563266273429164,0.0,0.406675967109817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973663154464326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256627990873078,0.0,0.0,0.13883931149499387,0.0,0.0,0.2275168621493908,0.2645403125619625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043885052812674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733412422624426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mrrobot117,2018/11/11,"BPD and moving out. Has anyone had success with this? I find a lot of my triggers come from home, and I feel a loss of stability. Has moving out helped anyone manage better? I lived on my own during university which was great but didn’t have enough saved up to rent long term afterwards. Being back home now definitely is bringing back old feelings, any thoughts?",3.44464285714286,6.142813338235296,3.989747899159663,83.76029411764709,77.38235294117645,6.238655462184874,22.94957983193277,7.447530270364453,1.1034932773109245,289,9,52,4,7,91,56,68,0.023,0.775,0.203,0.9184,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,14,13,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,4,2,5,4,9,8,4,15,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,7,35,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358864425440082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794416732714391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073029929779317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767271404465877,0.0,0.0,0.2516699813564071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212975803358602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647049957146396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020729517430064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826345351318863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030548239582376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393709584596122,0.0,0.4008773765866006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644730541981488,0.17683700228717464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698823067547375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247602957776679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096805479963867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863708355827716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cn0pt,2019/07/31,"DEA feel incredibly painfully lonely but get so irritate around other people? God I feel such actual physical pain stemming from loneliness it is unreal. I spend a lot of time wishing for human contact, company. Whatever.

Then the instant I’m around people, I can feel that feeling of annoyance in my chest, my jaw clench up and veins in my neck and head bulge. It just, they just, infuriate me and I want to go back home. It isn’t anxiety, I’m actually very personable and can be charming. Being around others irritates me, but I crave it when I don’t have it.

Same with texts, I have felt awful recently as I stopped texting someone I used to text a lot (not my choice) and spent a lot of the days wishing I had that again. Now I have a guy who wants to text me, play games and Discord, go on dates etc etc and I’m just like...meh. We get on great and have a lot in common but I’m just like lol w/e.

I’m the epitome of wanting something until I have it.",1.908820512820516,3.8416493435897454,3.944743589743592,86.07608974358975,78.64102564102564,7.615384615384617,25.19230769230769,8.515128840125781,1.7703846153846148,742,28,156,16,18,253,117,195,0.183,0.6729999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.8628,0,2,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,1,0,13,8,1,0,8,2,13,7,5,1,0,38,34,16,0,5,8,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,11,13,0,1,5,2,2,2,3,4,0,0,3,5,21,4,21,29,7,23,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,4,13,104,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.24773632196845555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710329039847004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389914699393345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097603534170766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186119374662577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831273839653717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567242714990731,0.0,0.1218754512414582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326343606818117,0.0,0.1442777389082995,0.0,0.0,0.1399439261600165,0.0,0.12568348766390555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026973439572728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732400795968532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402596744846855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43165511332420536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701310247465485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759985254441423,0.11083287724229698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533088586401211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754980028664653,0.09771911693499348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612155455962123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401557137889105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962923624822636,0.0,0.10473290290790643,0.2246048684707453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919330491311839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Isabelle_2020,2019/07/31,"Communication with my BPD Mother I have maintained NC with my mother for the span of approximately 2 years after she reached a breaking point.

Now, I am in the position where I have to give my mother some semblence of peace in her distress, while somehow maintaining strong boundaries with my words. Frankly, I am pretty lost with how I could possible do this without crushing her completely, making it clear that I am not ready to restart our relationship again.

If this is not the right place to post this, please let me know. Thank you.",7.4991156462585025,8.307073061224491,6.6738775510204125,76.30564625850344,63.28571428571429,9.798639455782316,34.70068027210884,9.725611199111238,3.248484353741496,432,18,77,8,6,132,72,98,0.07200000000000001,0.7290000000000001,0.198,0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,2,1,16,14,3,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,16,2,14,11,1,14,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,3,5,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992370960068408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491092675049561,0.0,0.0,0.1896967944965884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279185930432588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057360316387448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429525284295167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25935825167635274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859359827772787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24823165201967354,0.260803177491159,0.22459995251894752,0.2678477499030084,0.2275461586598924,0.24171509801905616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25508343340474404,0.0,0.20290110986597973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187415415974676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290289001878971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300058356028076
bpd,osjdbsnjd,2019/07/31,"How do I get rid of jealousy toward my fp? So my best friend has become my favorite person, and I have found that I have strong feelings of jealousy for them. It's mainly when they talk about making friends, but it applies to other things too like doing well in school and having knowledge of things I dont. I dont display any of my jealousy so they dont know it's a problem. They also dont know that they are my favorite person, but they do know a lot about my mental illness. I dont how to deal with this jealosy, and I dont want it to cause me to distance myself, or worse, do something that make my friend feel hurt or upset. What can I do to fix this problem?",4.814285714285713,4.347940857142857,5.310714285714287,88.15678571428577,69.0,7.0,28.92857142857143,3.1291,0.8939285714285718,520,16,113,0,8,167,77,140,0.147,0.6509999999999999,0.20199999999999999,0.8233,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,6,2,10,11,0,1,2,0,17,1,0,5,0,24,27,13,0,3,4,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,13,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,2,23,7,15,26,3,3,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,3,2,88,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755799768270965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445600577233119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092156189296135,0.0,0.0,0.11490153580293574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247495712981956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128779438961798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7699189762176308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072145667906964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004860385110785,0.2537718733565393,0.0,0.057203277020265425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172098159105443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051622143251825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349060181080265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093083296431513,0.0,0.0,0.1461689877626701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033876162014536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912024530371517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953161602430465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080831335156104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842896770862889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800279316480022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454787278792145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457921584917625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844340474699738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157824214055616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thunderouscalmly,2019/07/31,"Why do I instantly get angry when my partner wants me to go do things with him and his friend group? I’ve learned to step back from the situation and not make any decisions until I’ve had the time to process the details. Who is going? OH, it’s /that/ group of people. (Who I tend to really enjoy being around??? But suddenly I have so many excuses not to want to be in their company??) Oh, we’re going to THIS swimming spot instead of MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE swimming spot? Hmmm. Oh, it’ll be at THIS time or whatever XYZ very specific detail that really isn’t a fucking issue but for some reason my brain is immediately noping the fuck out of the situation before it can even occur. 

I told him I’d love to join in on the fun and I’m going to keep arguing with my brain because I KNOW not isolating myself and being around people who like me will be really good for me. But like, why the fuck is my head like this??",3.888898128898127,4.844919378378378,5.7145945945945975,79.43833679833683,71.43243243243244,9.151767151767153,26.66320166320166,9.466822959209583,2.262762993762993,715,23,143,16,13,247,112,185,0.081,0.752,0.168,0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,7,12,4,0,8,0,16,7,3,2,0,25,33,11,0,2,7,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,12,9,0,1,4,2,0,7,5,4,0,0,2,0,18,8,25,24,1,20,0,0,0,4,15,7,3,2,9,96,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375068655809306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24545229081658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600714108660096,0.0,0.08403921549398079,0.0,0.11731015655870812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077985117119291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105635563581607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651161093732373,0.3823527730857242,0.07202705058368271,0.0,0.31339993482918066,0.11563185695352993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148588194809544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438918019315708,0.0,0.12253781734687802,0.0,0.0,0.07576518741335407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205679550561714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244255708165178,0.0,0.09202375828589104,0.13977013014090026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115189502409494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649532142133427,0.14174479308889718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099246641361534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158919066903992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077653712907375,0.0,0.0,0.1317327666097322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375034428100758,0.16262881040802302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24879749063956674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkmiss90,2019/07/31,"Splitting Was head over heals one day and now
I’ve been splitting for about a month and want nothing to do with my boyfriend, I just want someone to process this with.",3.1954545454545453,5.385201878787882,1.9303030303030293,100.81545454545456,75.66666666666666,4.4,29.181818181818183,3.1291,0.4487454545454548,134,6,29,0,3,37,27,33,0.0,0.915,0.085,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,7,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726331141225085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338544521369517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374280082846529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056316015836216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28646039101819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581872635055593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4986874483147454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,extracreepshow,2019/07/31,"Anxiety is giving me anxiety Loss of appetite, trouble sleeping/staying asleep, generally anxious, starting to talk faster... I’m so worried I’m about to go hypomanic that the worry seems to be making it worse. I don’t want this. I feel out of control. I keep bouncing between projects and can’t focus and I’m so scared. Any helpful advice on preparing to ride it out or flat out prevent this from happening again is supremely welcome. I’m feeling helpless.",3.6283398692810462,6.453546552941179,4.7521568627451,77.81359477124185,77.58823529411767,6.601307189542485,36.50326797385621,7.793537801064563,3.3482287581699346,367,23,58,6,9,120,63,85,0.26,0.58,0.161,-0.8733,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,2,0,15,19,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,2,4,2,13,18,0,9,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503342142462756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964370885199285,0.0,0.3366801619164231,0.2485974585946896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468083537077521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225310000863409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110950624341098,0.1250612937451681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194592300996394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474970085316893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559337787944914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688720688852674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203116225139373,0.0,0.0,0.20032815113116373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575477393912082,0.23454741166727824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768704112168384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979306738497318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469493733651392,0.22425299084876996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cpel2552,2019/07/31,"Wishing I were dead but too afraid to try. Okay, I know the title seems weird, but hear me out: I'm a Male with BPD, as well as ADHD, and I constantly think life would just be easier if i were just not here anymore. No more hurting the people i care about, no more random rages that damage my own property or skin, spending sprees, losing jobs, disappointing my family, etc. But, with all that said, I'm almost too afraid or anxious to die. I obsess about killing myself a majority of the time, but I also know I'm definitely too afraid to ever actually do anything about it. It's confusing, I honestly just wish there was a way for me to not feel anything at all, rather than the constant feeling of emptiness and depression I feel every single day. Does anybody else have this confusing thought process of wanting to die, but also feeling like you're stuck here and you're too afraid to even try? :(",7.4014942528735626,6.593730413793104,7.479885057471264,75.87028735632184,63.82758620689656,10.491954022988507,34.27586206896552,9.725611199111238,3.0929931034482765,708,26,135,12,9,229,110,174,0.303,0.547,0.15,-0.9907,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,19,20,2,7,7,1,7,2,1,0,3,40,26,15,4,6,14,0,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,6,0,0,9,0,1,0,4,15,1,0,6,7,14,5,20,18,8,8,0,5,0,0,3,2,0,8,6,91,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.13195389086496614,0.0,0.1625065329320383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354019395141505,0.0,0.0,0.2162686012530325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275857908360227,0.1341005603568158,0.0,0.0,0.22254684501205552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703031483647404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786441924612727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29224663337772044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872048389181585,0.0,0.11646361980245397,0.0,0.2806712080726247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833074644764068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129578260517696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508045313169987,0.08931063897959368,0.12231300476766295,0.11392753936835047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747210326219507,0.0,0.27348243676670125,0.09660022617798993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524012390005285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475435489032748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418363943319134,0.0,0.1495993951012674,0.0,0.14862526076397758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550892703529572,0.06606099922320204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512750748685357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937435820243122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286238950506828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309797489577153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664264708379182,0.0,0.10734849914068703,0.07884707862322989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360916636631952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079755459531694,0.10733026557120696,0.0,0.0,0.12157779991937565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109895343472327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605544497224147,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cgyguy83,2019/07/31,"I'd like to share my story Just wanted to post and say this subreddit it a wealth of information. I was diagnosed with bpd traits last year and I have been slowly coming to terms with it. I have had many failed relationships like you all describe, and I am struggling very much with all the posts you all share here and can relate very much. I have taken a leave from work to focus on what I need, because I've been through the ringer with trauma. I live in an isolated place for work, and I do not have a support system here. My father died of cancer 6 months ago and I've been struggling with the loss. My mother is not well and nearing the end of her life too. I have had abusive relationships on the receiving end of gaslighting and blaming BPD as every action I do when we are all human and have these traits. It's the extreme level we all take it. I was cheated on like many of you and have trust issues. 

I've been trying to get into the proper DBT program here where I live and it's been a struggle. 800 person waiting list. I think it will finally happen and I will get the proper support I need. Not being just another number.

  
Be strong all you aren't alone. Thanks for sharing your stories. If anyone has any pointers of advice i'd appreciate it.",3.4296428571428565,5.0204120436507935,4.35495238095238,86.28171428571432,73.40476190476191,6.627301587301588,24.10793650793651,7.1686216300943375,0.9358469841269836,993,29,197,10,20,321,138,252,0.17300000000000001,0.716,0.111,-0.9516,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,5,0,5,9,20,1,3,13,0,28,3,0,0,6,39,42,15,1,4,6,2,0,3,0,2,3,1,0,2,10,21,0,1,2,0,1,3,4,7,1,0,10,1,26,13,27,28,9,24,0,2,0,0,20,9,0,1,12,137,36,4,0.0,0.1368517341848536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286783718844455,0.10238611602980532,0.0,0.0,0.11962589507430403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854575188862868,0.12111458263160252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076212727775732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040933364274532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909430483770921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949529190726387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723274222035784,0.11987349860003718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460210148973376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973159507507722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652748984627665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069071816151455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213859781180216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055474139190935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415006265863296,0.0,0.12230061216485785,0.0,0.0,0.08158292622800205,0.16928625815834675,0.0,0.20398188389446475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23420308408484464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219310051646183,0.0,0.169815451818238,0.17128747919658774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085244488319188,0.12067566906984413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221239191030958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480132065697316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918523305100756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622452941689547,0.0,0.0,0.26214204063865265,0.0,0.0,0.08684360630391752,0.0,0.0,0.10633930713860563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400942408895021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841870670849807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060353896407453,0.06812644611586957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385073929392724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817458639459726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437990940716196
bpd,Shimmiee_CoCoPuff,2019/07/31,"I need help remembering what this feeling is called... So long story short I had to move back into my toxic environment for school...

I can feel myself getting more and more ""on the edge"" and impulsive basically there's a frenzy in my head and I don't remember what to call that or how to cope with it. I don't really know what to do to stop it and DBT never really prepared me to move back into this environment. I am not coping well and I am stuck here for 8 more months...",2.549922680412372,4.126688567010309,4.709884020618556,82.89101159793817,75.70103092783505,8.148969072164949,21.403350515463927,8.841846274778883,1.32209381443299,369,9,78,8,8,128,65,97,0.11,0.843,0.047,-0.5956,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,1,1,19,14,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,2,11,1,13,12,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014539500800371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003158616740586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822680188356168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241215208948902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117266420272428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138780788872126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772724738256703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734711801639028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646097687575405,0.4166756326012686,0.0,0.14534605177368012,0.1511824019595298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25115035393626545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441039966305378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838230309287225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388116517718165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624516398920534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thebrightsidex,2019/07/31,"My obsession with my FP is getting to the point where I'm failing my exams. How to cope? I'm gonna start off by saying that I've never been diagnosed with BPD (haven't seen a therapist), but after doing research on my own and following this sub for quite some time I've come to realize that my thought patterns and behavior isn't exactly healthy or normal. And almost every post I read on here is just so freaking relateable. It pains me to see all these people talking about their struggles, but at the same time I find some comfort in knowing I'm not alone. 

My biggest issue is my obsession with a current FP. My FP is always a crush/love interest  which makes it all much more difficult. I'm currently completely dependent on his attention and affirmation to feel ""normal"". It's like my life doesn't have any meaning or joy without him and I can't find it anywhere else. Not even in friends or hobbies. I desperately need love and love only to fill the void. Now the sad thing is this guy doesn't even want me the way I want him and I'm totally aware of it. We dated for six months and we still talk every day, but he doesn't want to commit. I've convinced myself I'm not pretty or good enough for him so that must be the reason why, but I know he's a bit of a player too. Still, I can't stop obsessing over him. I'm always checking snapchat to see where he is and other social media he's active on. I do this every single day 24/7 and it's exhausting but I can't stop. I'm also insanely jealous of him and especially of women who are better looking than me. Honestly I just hate everything about myself lol.

I'm very ashamed to say this, but I failed all my exams this spring because I spent almost every day with him and when he was away I couldn't manage to get any studying done due to worrying about where he was and who he was with. Being with him felt like an escape from an otherwise shitty life and now that he's moved away I don't know how to cope.  It's back to being lonely and miserable again. The upcoming semester is really crucial for me because it's my last year at uni and in addition to writing my bachelor thesis I have to retake the exams I failed. I'm freaking out because if I don't let my FP go I won't stop obsessing and I'll fail again.  What I really want is to commit 100% to my studies, but I don't know how to do that without falling back into despair and loneliness...",3.17146092503987,4.5088527898989925,4.818343965975547,83.71874401913878,73.62626262626263,8.038809144072303,26.763689526847426,8.611707548084741,1.9095858585858592,1901,68,385,35,38,643,236,495,0.192,0.687,0.121,-0.9903,2,3,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,1,6,27,33,2,7,15,1,37,7,0,6,9,93,76,37,0,10,19,0,2,2,1,3,5,2,0,2,25,30,0,3,13,1,2,6,19,21,0,1,9,8,51,12,56,59,13,56,0,8,4,2,32,20,0,10,30,255,76,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929239433621022,0.09272073676519052,0.0,0.0715929835967139,0.148983680029925,0.0,0.0,0.12175992464450745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822307158854535,0.13767815452195176,0.0,0.16372053775931453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791774473617811,0.09773794045163572,0.0,0.11275340420850513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711772408957984,0.09386509328518826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320835015483113,0.0,0.0,0.0908658298851059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161499546331707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478651769873053,0.0,0.0,0.09250309301825113,0.0,0.11826062728351665,0.0,0.3017141613698924,0.0,0.08045915516267006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045266449905319424,0.0,0.08595788744235795,0.0,0.1636481669460238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916667065396595,0.0,0.09354606961732442,0.0,0.05087903066281658,0.07508918977591672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864366840023621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838724683507937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344067549464792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680204697830264,0.07297469474125973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154521617488692,0.1264680865730951,0.08747463120151691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517831965580699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159932991084006,0.0,0.059758527034633226,0.0,0.0,0.09751879776381436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714578745617243,0.09515073880368508,0.06581105954074863,0.06638153578660802,0.06904707698292772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754306739671115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808767628873051,0.0952607435842418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206525303515072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462991243238444,0.0,0.08574005143695472,0.09107894881327824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522068902330057,0.08954906843568906,0.0,0.1147038120691385,0.09204644765220413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238749483469304,0.0,0.0,0.1426794160962218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125930202689496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336614376688207,0.0,0.14298930851836908,0.2245403290603192,0.0,0.09359080251592164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391335330311478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394524138913946,0.05947632685976865,0.0,0.0,0.07107272432135639,0.10440531031903656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073867370237123,0.2112162846726096,0.07106065233649002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078224497386652,0.0,0.0,0.17259750547589187,0.0,0.0,0.09091682242832297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576510628946724
bpd,clevertoms,2019/07/31,"So tired of embarrassing myself Everyone loves me enough to buy me shots but not enough to remember what happens when I drink them. Literally so embarrassed, it makes me sick to my stomach",5.4316666666666675,8.047883147058823,5.835882352941179,73.40813725490199,70.47058823529412,10.415686274509804,31.92156862745098,10.504223727775694,4.035227450980393,153,7,26,5,3,49,28,34,0.297,0.648,0.054000000000000006,-0.8883,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,4,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982313903140685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6291275594936532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29090165437451504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692117586912099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747653854735359,0.0,0.20321340100928595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34486665367048197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34990440975128584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CassTheUltimateBA,2019/07/31,"Just got put on a bunch of new meds. Has anyone else taken this combination or a similar mixture? Or really just their own experience with these meds I’ve been on 300mg of Lamictal for a while and 7.5mg of Olazapine (Zyplexa) for sleep/anxiety. The other day my doctor added 10mg of Prozac, .5mg of klonipin 2x a day, and 300mg of gabapentin 3xs a day. 

I’ve been reading that all the new ones he gave me have drowsiness as a main side affect. My Lamictal already makes me super tired if I’m not doing anything that simulates the brain so I’m just curious on other people’s experience with the new ones I got.",3.0571199999999976,4.598996672000002,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,74.28,8.520000000000001,26.9,9.120678840339163,2.19564,484,18,99,11,10,165,79,125,0.026000000000000002,0.917,0.057,0.552,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,10,0,5,4,1,2,1,14,12,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,6,1,14,6,4,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,7,58,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906915635194087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413622803130382,0.0,0.0,0.1134630686439599,0.16626495483137074,0.1335345151342396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114716420916727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139524862281904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609038444677324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555589639227406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174627068131951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25956454077535435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831659166019912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604911325155368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701645942750069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219916919619304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249769702990164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312632983543424,0.0,0.0,0.16231407232775832,0.0,0.1039544194802571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623873492866814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650567769101573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Marichi1,2019/07/31,"DAE feel jealous and anxius in the same way?  When I am in depressive stages I especially feel tremendously insecure and jealous, of my friends and especially of my boyfriend.

However, we are in an open relationship (2 years together. Me F21 he M24). I proposed it because 1. it gives me more security and makes me feel that I am not locked up and 2. I tend to erotize my relationships and I feel the need to have sex/kissing with anyone I think appreciates me a little. But the other side is becoming unbearable, although he has not been with anyone, just imagining him enjoying with another person seems unbearable.

I have always been jealous, but I feel that I am especially now and I think it is because we hardly talk about intimate things, about other people (not even an ""oh I think she is pretty""), etc., because he doesnt like to. When I had a boyfriend in high school he used to tell me everything (with which porn he masturbated, who besides me liked him, about his ex gf etc) and I feel that it made me feel better because I felt there was nothing hidden. I think that what causes me the most anxiety is not being able to know everything, having control over everything, etc.

I would like to know if this happens to someone else and if it has worked for you to be totally explicit and open, or if it was worse",5.891757968127488,6.629032087649403,6.6532246015936245,75.30342255976097,66.76892430278885,10.418426294820716,33.61578685258964,10.411451182825502,3.5632488047808764,1038,45,193,26,16,343,138,251,0.087,0.851,0.062,-0.6311,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,0,3,9,12,3,1,8,0,22,1,0,5,2,56,44,19,0,5,11,1,9,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,17,18,0,2,16,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,9,35,7,24,34,7,17,0,1,0,1,22,11,0,6,7,140,52,2,0.11008516352671556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915996747928097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154338924599898,0.08421484878159448,0.0,0.0,0.15394821189084582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684275756493574,0.12158041416321508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736138116345612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130877872958512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234698716266641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481619003618984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196202830691844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683221710932037,0.0727102122714914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968123399364725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896365645772202,0.0,0.10569902064461566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850515242626853,0.0,0.0,0.10560371992361592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734794654483894,0.0,0.0986146835901936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163110193608584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099985379707935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134615084827714,0.11033425426391136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416524347687738,0.07348270147938679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162675387101746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056296834171624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631919137467036,0.09612211860882657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199618763735067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638053481065635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141206265542207,0.0,0.10021739836513023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327480181632784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848228449089326,0.09621928512234368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313569106537532,0.2821525109753539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507823591559307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738047876492203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014331015541866,0.0,0.11218618647235612,0.07820134167173566,0.0,0.0,0.07089123602734339
bpd,Crumb93,2019/07/31,"DAE Constantly Worry They're Going to Lose Their Job? I'm constantly worried that I'm going to be fired either 1.) due to incompetence or 2.) because people don't like me, and I'm not sure if it's tied to my BPD or if something else is going on. 

I've literally won awards due to my performance. It doesn't matter what people say I'm always on the brink of being terminated in my mind.",1.3095370370370354,3.3445844444444504,4.2377623456790126,82.71368055555558,81.09876543209877,7.012962962962964,21.23611111111111,8.07648339933343,1.189381481481481,304,9,62,6,8,109,58,81,0.22399999999999998,0.7,0.076,-0.8792,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,10,13,5,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,2,5,4,9,10,1,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,4,5,31,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509941700797566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827969125267089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650364837089306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548126140352701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757920820115878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587864901122318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882502941444814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028082869432192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354237975101514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248013763974075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291779331017317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734696934438076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200373551393488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983332213586955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274154753116419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OptimusHate,2019/07/31,"Tips for my Girldfirend/FP Hy everybody,

I am currently working on improving my beaviour, not to self harm myself anymore and just to get my life straight and constant. And I am really working hard, but as you know there are always days where you fall back to your old behaviour etc.   


So my GF and also FP is really helping me and doing her best and keeps up with everything and tries her best to help, support and stabilize me. (Also big shoutout to her <3)   


Today she asked me if I have any tips for her regarding my BPD and how to treat me and support me. However I dno't know any other then ""be there for me""?  


So I was wondering what were your tips for your FP/BF/GF regarding yourselves if you had any?

​

Also sorry for my english, not my first language.",5.837533333333332,6.0609602199999975,6.328666666666668,79.37433333333334,66.8,9.866666666666667,33.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.0925333333333342,603,25,116,12,9,196,90,150,0.017,0.7759999999999999,0.207,0.9871,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,6,0,5,11,6,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,0,22,18,21,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,30,5,15,14,3,14,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,3,8,88,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34701741097148314,0.12035613995410542,0.15672268336972067,0.1757593796753406,0.2950904661847285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344886866063214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522345125917573,0.0,0.0,0.11122299590759624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035917869773744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217518179836695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563097455236763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328399114259704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131729314746918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999750492674514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303487384946178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557098767299696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295734148244251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939048483555832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285670287642562,0.0,0.0,0.15898610307261413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216696704136992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517804854792249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532644724428465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508961714310766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191811777204007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32828262559788024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710644763690955,0.0,0.0,0.09820438900810173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568612185586586,0.21060641263778826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757593796753406,0.0
bpd,SurpriseTherapy,2019/07/31,"Every ex I have ever had has completely and immediately cut me out of their lives after breaking up and I can't deal with it I came across the idea /again/ that if your ex's don't like you, that's a big red flag, as you're the common denominator. It was in an AskReddit thread about red flags in your partner. I keep being told that a lot of people find breakups incredibly painful and that they cared so much that it would be hard to ever talk to me again. But, I'm so obsessed with the idea - if someone asked what my ex's thought about me - how the hell would I look if I said ""I don't know, they'll never talk to me again?""

I get it. Breakups are painful... but there is nothing more painful then having a strong emotional connection with someone then SNAP they want nothing to do with you. It makes me struggle trusting others. 

The guys I've dated were my best friends, they were the only ones that that either knew my whole story or a good part of it. I feel like my sacred memories are now with a bunch strangers who don't care about me. 

I swear I wasn't a bad girlfriend. My breakups weren't bad. I loved them with all my heart; I never cheated, I can't lie in the slightest - I can't figure out what I did wrong.",3.4194047619047616,4.368587527777777,4.011269841269844,91.23928571428571,72.53174603174601,6.711111111111113,25.904761904761905,6.691623216298621,0.7704428571428568,955,30,214,7,18,302,139,252,0.129,0.727,0.14400000000000002,0.8475,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,4,6,2,13,21,3,2,14,0,25,5,1,2,5,39,42,15,0,6,7,3,2,2,3,3,3,1,0,2,17,12,0,1,8,0,0,1,10,11,0,1,12,6,38,10,25,25,9,23,1,0,3,1,25,8,1,5,15,151,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344985516871835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265148284903695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735381304897134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879694881025054,0.2474575198628011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723763688664322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511091748121844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650721310268069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195437588050702,0.10224620134159666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136036213910963,0.08669551041126414,0.0,0.0,0.11091559872944083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375800329296728,0.0,0.0634025941996266,0.0,0.0,0.10178619898445214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015980059745003,0.0,0.0,0.1087095840896148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438053870748612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27398838540813913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786524568746036,0.0,0.0,0.06669312977693684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857512704744674,0.0,0.1071580383781337,0.0,0.10190701786286918,0.0,0.0,0.10317105553795396,0.10952696119871057,0.0,0.08100491351573758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920934720140929,0.0,0.18719177921755026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328853783989484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223278992333273,0.0922953861640476,0.3873884788532784,0.0,0.0,0.1314148419676048,0.0,0.08413176669383098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543569486014894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056461480651664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686582551268266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507992108510894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634173017087097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159591997238203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157788905633605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548770188589973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241317456763852,0.1326818371142275,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lilyblue1979,2019/07/31,"What is wrong with me?! I dont understand it? I been arguing with my FP for days. I get mad when he won't show affection or doesn't want to have sex. Yet when he does I feel used because he doesn't want s relationship with me. He told me today that one of the reasons he even shows me affection is because he is scared of me. Scared of me getting mad if I don't get attention. Now I feel like shit. Because now all i think about is how if he shows me any attention its to appease me. So I'm such a horrible fucked up person that I can only get attention out of fear. I already feel worthless like no one loves me. Noone loves someone they fear! 
Its taking everything I have to not self harm myself.",1.6540502354788058,3.342082421768712,3.4295238095238108,90.61483516483514,78.52380952380952,7.244165358451077,24.23286237571952,8.139509932561175,1.272244793301936,544,19,123,10,13,182,84,147,0.29,0.61,0.1,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,10,16,5,4,2,0,13,5,1,5,1,24,31,7,0,4,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,9,3,0,0,7,12,0,2,2,3,22,4,14,28,1,10,0,1,0,4,15,2,2,3,10,74,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342497247289664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070872775850284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708294558134365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550812186177547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959770916293525,0.0,0.173564598690888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781442746796824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133096980416405,0.0,0.0,0.3332929496180551,0.2246417247752968,0.10579809891445598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691014877186428,0.3094911789892949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470210695627914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673205156698725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070411492012055,0.11263185773300573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930962109729585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226488788996256,0.0,0.15899710614750914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965350616340953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449392498102116,0.0,0.15201595437000442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547922845811232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134795828587647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489240045350844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037541863880992,0.1415097831966615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541706625637598,0.0,0.1279053233405915,0.0,0.0,0.17469888695611815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191710574829168,0.0,0.0
bpd,dank-ma,2019/07/31,"DAE have issues explaining their irrational thoughts to their SO/FP? Feeling one way, thinking another. Logically, I know my SO and FP is faithful. He has proven time and time again how much he loves for and cares for me. He has given me zero reason to believe otherwise.

But, I still feel jealousy and anxiety any time I’m not around him. 

I’ve tried explaining it isn’t personal. It isn’t anything he’s doing to make me feel that way. In my “logical brain” I know that, factually, everything is fine. But in my “crazy brain” he’s sick of me and is already sleeping with his next girlfriend. 

DAE have issues explaining their irrational thoughts to their SO/FP? If you’ve managed to get the idea across, how? TYIA!!",3.264151583710408,5.668619691176474,4.107647058823527,84.24595022624437,76.3529411764706,8.008144796380092,28.84389140271493,8.841846274778883,2.5352721719457008,562,25,107,13,13,180,81,136,0.11,0.7979999999999999,0.091,-0.4067,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,10,5,3,4,1,30,27,11,0,1,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,15,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,16,4,13,24,1,12,1,0,0,1,17,4,0,1,6,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861069864935905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006675389232494,0.16971877712987013,0.12381841109917648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319263645300264,0.14408500821418094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235483389840687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613667726692102,0.0,0.0,0.1650216651820794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454645780297545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24551581561114905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456240632725133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271426799100168,0.0,0.3378685347655873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779022328858163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608019614328338,0.0,0.10803927658944272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898183601892495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213432162820813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967694118360403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413252908462463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641360004085612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619716007982259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292573814896411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037099635695321,0.0,0.2569891227897922,0.2831363512129668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988872452423808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569454721652979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MM_Anon,2019/07/31,"Advice for how to offer help to a new friend how probably has BPD? I recently met a woman online, introduced through another friend I made online recently. We have niche interests so online is where we tend to find our community. We were very friendly for about 6 weeks, chatted via txt and phone multiple times per week. Had a lot of laughs and she shared a lot about herself with me. We appeared to be becoming good friends. She unexpectedly dropped out of contact, first saying she wanted to take a break from social media but after a week or so I realized she had blocked me. I was a little confused at first but I started to put the pieces together in my head and realized she likely has a High Functioning variant of BPD. Without going through all the things she told me which led me to this conclusion I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to reach out to her? I still have her mobile number, I never used it so there's a good chance if I call her she'll answer. I've come to understand her a lot and I can't help but wonder if she is aware of her issues and that there are research backed ways of improving her symptoms over time, ie like DBT. I'm even willing to offer myself as a 'support' figure for a few months if it would help her get started on recovery, ie talk to her once a week about the issues, her experiences with filling out the work book, her day to day interactions etc. She's gonna be turning 33 before the end of the year and I know she wants to get married soon but it's obvious her issues would prevent her from attracting a high quality man. 

Any advice on how to present a case for a recovery plan to her? If it makes any difference, she is fairly intelligent and attractive so I know that a guy trying to be a 'friend' to a woman has it's own challenges and issues.",4.460387811634347,5.457879603878119,5.567915789473684,80.86261052631579,70.13573407202215,8.878493074792244,29.12144044321329,9.174902378510234,2.3990355900277005,1431,53,281,28,25,475,192,361,0.013999999999999999,0.825,0.16,0.9923,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,5,0,0,6,19,17,0,1,25,0,22,2,1,8,3,63,48,27,0,9,12,0,0,2,5,5,1,1,0,4,10,18,0,2,11,2,0,6,3,1,0,2,7,1,47,16,49,33,8,46,0,0,0,0,55,13,0,13,26,197,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494616401488229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360261861087448,0.08922956022973794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059500424669192926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543282671564853,0.0,0.0,0.0939807768510732,0.07240960436637761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434842687401828,0.0,0.0868915414825039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330183491461778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975851132168196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890619649232824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536894047490801,0.0,0.09490345411595694,0.05620446583697092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832392693841625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777531727740722,0.1447635808562801,0.0,0.0,0.3287210517248534,0.0,0.08891728371074929,0.0,0.048361467487413705,0.14274735043873985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425745992908798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873320523629384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111221791286654,0.1798151459033429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552684185266065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935320079058948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314626827034516,0.08528757695368604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703425857753986,0.0,0.08051897643395267,0.05680159438244223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792204238792801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563053433034796,0.08218531180269034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062343147764174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174683658524688,0.0,0.0,0.0855440101870704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804215557421692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767098461149311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674366847014589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046140272968815,0.0,0.0679570021762681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656483346461073,0.0,0.08844632016250664,0.06398087357352705,0.0683961630764683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653335785348593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923919451157072,0.0,0.0,0.0813119493837296,0.0,0.05777394068778537,0.0925589587529185,0.0,0.08858692895754673,0.0,0.07349478560733959,0.0,0.0702123129620492,0.1003825087755834,0.06754447525505054,0.2730324060607905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202857386177817,0.18456386376934814,0.06195019649885008,0.0,0.0,0.12089813793921975,0.0,0.0,0.05479841041533707
bpd,dooweert,2019/07/31,"Recently diagnosed BPD I recently tried to kill myself and ended up in a hospital where a psychiatrist said it sounded like I had BPD. I've worked in the therapeutic industry for about nine years, and have had a skewed understanding of what BPD is, and I really didn't think I had it because of the unfortunate stigmas surrounding the diagnosis. The doctor let me borrow their copy of  The Essential Family Guide To Borderline Personality Disorder, which is geared towards family members and loved ones of someone with BPD, and I read almost the entire thing during my stay in the hospital. The relief I felt as I continued to read, and talk about what it's like to have BPD was immense. The term ""high functioning invisible BPD"" really resonated with me. I present very well, but the suffering I feel is constant, and I feel like a fraud. I had to go back to a psych hospital because I was still feeling compelled to commit suicide, and my meds needed to be tweaked in a safe environment. I just finished IOP and will be starting a DBT group soon, as well as finding a therapist. I'm still really struggling, but I'm trying my best. Does anyone have any other suggestions? I know that is a vague question, but I want to have as many tools as possible.",9.31444055944056,7.910781764957264,9.599526029526034,64.12779720279723,60.410256410256395,13.808236208236208,40.50349650349651,12.719339214003902,5.321928205128205,999,45,173,31,11,335,134,234,0.114,0.7509999999999999,0.135,-0.0138,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,1,2,10,12,1,1,19,0,19,3,0,1,1,30,34,17,2,2,4,0,4,3,0,1,2,2,0,1,9,11,0,1,9,2,1,1,1,3,2,2,9,6,22,9,29,21,2,25,0,1,0,1,8,9,0,2,17,121,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115295594748216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190322288003495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636499854534405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999611333505149,0.0,0.11098155071458704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552990798105164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6878912711137214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983706163798907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239308805388273,0.0,0.0,0.10432776310706338,0.09317261273063787,0.07966058209267553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062517186289835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162913699589133,0.0,0.1380818432168763,0.0650315364234417,0.08740265370854552,0.0,0.08319936943083396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173419717917907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961777288539418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071072187271513,0.0,0.050027465986504836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308389335851383,0.0,0.13341733597715302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215773265252495,0.0,0.0,0.092289686995756,0.0,0.0,0.10111332090227967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749726590115426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168398626101894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948350131593175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262215235814127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019739411886605,0.0,0.1821083893820896,0.0,0.17494760277906826,0.0,0.17976141880213528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658995787961493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712905146298539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443119166017952,0.09702539994337676,0.14539264968367355,0.0,0.0,0.0951638615838414,0.0,0.09957156481863756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316611283183637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569233619053812,0.060475995339771285,0.0583280669474956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360619289056755,0.0,0.0,0.09476498312174647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510892104608337,0.053691593453902765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369301473830775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627060441857974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862005263323404
bpd,ComradeALat,2019/07/31,"Does it look like bpd? My thoughts tend to be chaotic, so are my actions. I tend to react to situations in extremely exagerated and different ways. My thoughts change, sometimes it feels like I have multiple perceptions in one body. I tend to have short lived strong delusions of plots against me. 
I have emotional highs, where I feel invincible and think I litteraly have superpowers, I feel fast.
Then the same day I could be very sad and think of suicide and harming myself.
I also feel like there is something in my house when there isn't, I see in my periphreal vision people. I hear things that aren't there, I have walked with a knife in my hand around my house just to feel safe.

When it comes to bpd, it is a personality disorder, but most of this feels foreign, it is not embedded in my personality.",5.226506238859177,6.667461098039218,5.56787878787879,79.91727272727275,68.73856209150328,9.485204991087343,30.90255496137849,9.800150414767053,2.8801424836601317,640,26,125,15,11,204,89,153,0.07400000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.109,0.2854,2,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,3,0,14,2,2,1,0,26,31,10,1,1,3,0,7,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,7,0,1,11,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,10,22,5,18,26,2,19,0,1,2,0,3,10,0,1,8,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093093132385292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168126505528802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182951086879626,0.3443074044452505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459773884005445,0.1177445754493918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913421466837672,0.0,0.0,0.08815242710214559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280982697094574,0.15665624569773134,0.0,0.1196165560257237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375555872497734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146812413715802,0.19529981367657467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405726652254964,0.0,0.0,0.14441833576486232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154391104425213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033650049340126,0.0,0.12069797403532925,0.0,0.11478346171872728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262330006448144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947622217208344,0.23870131094992375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089226080771148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364299546140148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522907055033166,0.1351878887918551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495144442685745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908094077991465,0.1751682527195286,0.0,0.21702994609978424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278188316385095,0.0,0.10849654135017972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nothinggggggg,2019/07/31,"If someone with bpd accuses you of something they are doing (or do often), does that mean they are aware of it? If they accused you of something specific like ""belittling"" them in the heat of an argument (which you weren't), but they frequently belittle people, or have actually done so during this argument, do you think they are realizing their mistake/understanding why you're upset, or is this just a defense mechanism that maintains their denial?

I've seen two bpd individuals do this multiple times, and they never seem to have much (or any) self-awareness, but they are just always so accurate in accusing others of very specific things they've been doing themselves",14.897268907563026,9.985163411764713,13.365441176470584,52.22698529411768,53.537815126050425,17.278151260504202,50.75840336134453,14.554592549557764,7.117435294117646,542,25,84,16,4,175,80,119,0.147,0.825,0.027999999999999997,-0.9307,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,10,0,5,3,1,1,3,0,15,0,0,0,1,19,19,11,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,1,14,1,9,15,1,5,0,0,1,0,14,2,0,8,4,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.20331700598412336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336172550625525,0.0,0.0,0.1416833751833996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248125084939358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823262120267522,0.21321172483560905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178801463403424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269513955654021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315931029610005,0.0,0.1606903575548578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444185239611296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896716461671383,0.21735177500337255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765320742208782,0.3207920118417697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841675342040774,0.13350059994549676,0.0,0.0,0.12148904326493112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352513379462955,0.2168969890938796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719084232628012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800112033916128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Middle_Distribution,2019/07/31,"Relationship advice regarding bpd patterns I am 19 and have been dating a boy for 2 years. Overall, it has been a successful and low drama relationship and I've been able to stay committed which is a very big deal for me. About 6 months ago I started to lose feelings for him and not really view him in a romantic way anymore. I have been leaning toward breaking up, I'm moving to a different state anyway, but I am so worried that I am just going back to old patterns where I just push away. The reason I think it might not be that is because I haven't painted him black in anyway, and I think he is a great person, but we might have just outgrown each other. Does anyone have advice or experience with how to know if it is genuinely an over relationship or bpd tendencies?",8.400140056022407,6.441794392156867,8.821867413632118,70.74411764705884,62.59477124183008,11.880112044817928,36.88982259570495,10.608840637214634,3.7676842203548073,614,23,116,12,7,206,97,153,0.05,0.871,0.079,0.6429,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,11,4,0,0,8,0,20,0,0,2,1,27,27,12,0,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,4,3,14,2,16,20,1,23,0,2,2,0,11,9,0,5,7,87,21,1,0.14358732300708166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806237404505878,0.12728149828245955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240004135837206,0.10039959481810216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349050165707912,0.11040978827594157,0.0,0.08752949937576855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616864136297759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803222512210562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500181915385547,0.0,0.0,0.12565423398139167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045595414803494,0.0,0.0,0.07260206482870835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816039846360817,0.0,0.0,0.15830553052308768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891183759178655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160637486230127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30464691758802714,0.0,0.0,0.11461003132128453,0.15261060060097265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067074150837828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537491202855078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919857158818738,0.14763168248615666,0.0,0.4624771465621822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163184626430803,0.15304498142430895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400991756189486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847457916180852,0.0,0.11397293356327208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581989640821358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924655283212542
bpd,neoluxx_,2019/07/31,"so tired of feeling alone it’s so exhausting to have a loving partner, who I love just as much, and a friend group that’s supportive, and feel like I have nobody.

im so exhausted every day trying to convince myself of the reality that I have people who love me, who care, who support. but no matter how hard I try, my brain can’t shake the feeling that none of them actually care and that truly, I’m on my own.

to have this happening on top of irrational hatred of my FP’s current fling, and severe triggered anxiety over their interactions is just unbearable",6.790757575757574,6.372014318181819,7.650909090909089,72.86303030303033,64.9090909090909,10.969696969696967,33.78787878787879,10.504223727775694,3.486515151515152,445,17,83,10,6,150,74,110,0.212,0.537,0.251,0.2878,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,6,13,0,1,4,0,6,7,1,2,0,13,18,10,0,0,3,0,4,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,4,11,10,12,18,3,7,0,0,0,3,13,4,0,0,3,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.16864590810955732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898782700943827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220566495502598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929225793210909,0.0,0.0,0.3523999182949871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145362334143306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560702385899846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26214664985362085,0.12346155737118222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335191297409813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282281202385226,0.0,0.15481141398451834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667361530142584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443038042752846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679262792125713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704146829870322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198105748629374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523569272726604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922247285388203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862942130649106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346648090185869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashestoembersthrow,2019/07/31,"struggling to be here please remove if this is not allowed to be here.


Hey y’all. This is my first post on this sub. I hope it’s ok to be here because I’m not officially diagnosed with BPD but r/depression can seem very discouraging and polarizing (sometimes). Just wanted to post here because I’m really struggling and have been for the last couple of days/wks. 


So I went to a new psychiatrist recently and after an extensive intake appt, he gave me his thoughts and suspected diagnoses. None of them really surprised me since I’ve already been diagnosed with most of them (depression, adhd, anxiety, the works - comorbidity is a bitch) and he told me that he didn’t want to officially diagnose me yet but he mentioned the possibility of a BPD diagnosis, considering some behaviors and things that I had told him. When I heard that, I started crying because I finally felt heard. For the past couple of years, ive felt that a puzzle piece was missing in the whole equation, and I had considered either the possibility of Bipolar or BPD (I am not a self-diagnosing kind of person just want to make that clear, I take this stuff extremely seriously; I did look into these possibilities myself); however, I really wasn’t getting too much feedback from my psych about either of these. When I went to this new Dr and he mentioned this, it was so overwhelmingly amazing to be vindicated that I broke down for a second. 
Anyway, I’ve been processing this for the past couple of weeks and things/behaviors are starting to come out of the woodwork that I didn’t really attribute to anything before. Since I’m not officially diagnosed, I don’t know how to feel, but I’m thinking that I really do have it, or a mild form. I was doubting myself bc I don’t have a history of any kind of trauma or abuse from parents or anybody. Some of the things my dr mentioned that influenced his potential diagnosis about BPD was that I was a “mixed bag of emotions”, struggling with identity (I don’t know who I am), high impulsivity (binge eating, extreme spending), intense mood swings, etc. On top of this (not saying everyone with BPD has this) i also have really low self-esteem and I crave attention so much. I’m an extremely sensitive person and I feel like I give so much and sometimes it feels like no one responds like I want. I bend over backwards for people and I constantly look for reassurance from friends/family that they love me because I’m afraid of abandonment.  I think I have a FP but I don’t usually swing from putting them up on a pedestal to devaluing them. I know you don’t have to have all of the symptoms to have BPD so I’m hesitant for now. It may just all be stemming from the effects of comorbidity which is kind of frustrating tbh. I kind of just want to know if I have it or not, I’m tired of the in between. the drs ask me why I want more labels because they don’t understand that’s how I compartmentalize things in order to then develop a plan to solve the problem. The issue is, if I don’t know the problem, I can’t fix it. I guess I just wanted to come on here to ask advice/thoughts/ramble a little; I hope you guys don’t mind. I’ve found that I relate to a lot of the posts on here, which does not mean that I have BPD obviously, but it makes me feel less alone I guess. I don’t know all that much about BPD to be honest so if I was inaccurate on something I apologize! Just feeling a little lost.",5.022596473719227,5.963103558383236,6.256518962075847,76.64603260146377,68.80538922155688,9.829993346640057,31.01210911510313,9.994966539143718,3.0314970991350627,2699,108,522,65,45,909,278,668,0.114,0.785,0.10099999999999999,-0.9428,3,1,1,0,1,0,76.0,0,3,6,6,30,35,2,6,34,1,54,13,0,8,5,108,116,39,0,15,29,1,7,3,0,1,11,3,0,3,41,21,1,2,23,0,1,6,22,19,0,3,27,12,72,15,79,82,20,51,0,8,2,1,39,21,1,21,23,365,113,3,0.0,0.06024127716809465,0.0,0.0,0.06110405089455901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052658570565999784,0.05610710721629707,0.04065955804800466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457534855574352,0.0,0.0388951665237662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183989867572646,0.0,0.09506368715964753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496874074917338,0.0,0.04326410505413025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122852383804017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759441000009394,0.0,0.05494380083520675,0.0,0.0,0.16877221938803688,0.05584923779885874,0.0,0.0,0.08758292757067017,0.3096307179154768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449352172414908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202563129829461,0.0,0.05719213560092187,0.0,0.0,0.05670398346740746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858317831007625,0.0,0.0,0.04793076158130273,0.0,0.12854009953825346,0.07264526576632283,0.09763553741059126,0.05569660940443116,0.0,0.04324748646939403,0.0,0.055747313849662486,0.0,0.0,0.02656364951343408,0.04877375345778586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201977597798927,0.05034309508890076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053718988183688435,0.0,0.10099820848425736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306744290363377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178287845138016,0.16765366906948656,0.041444268527507766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451875169291995,0.10191716199598076,0.0,0.0,0.08539153136054065,0.0,0.055501726540159314,0.04322535684600413,0.04588827706944485,0.0,0.06787691130501929,0.0,0.0,0.05538351692094353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133747835327141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495033988621522,0.0,0.0,0.09821000942767404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034452896409215526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056455730742676236,0.0,0.09707181797487087,0.03524850665202111,0.0887892304979029,0.0,0.05581093543143558,0.0,0.17195534524266512,0.14608216154577666,0.0,0.0,0.0973007963876132,0.0,0.05111179761125036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954300297676079,0.0,0.05020185882731625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043282121159494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046286046396633466,0.10608179499145147,0.0,0.0,0.08411659816639704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914183865598274,0.10057111601689522,0.0,0.07197463414238844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945811208642469,0.05820368548123433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284590242753393,0.03822801215339077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013345600202585,0.06515697088019741,0.0,0.04036408897905832,0.0,0.05843716622024811,0.0,0.0971663566201525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292991495230025,0.0,0.0,0.05599697271718513,0.04195124266545598,0.2099218474045696,0.0,0.040783618424522716,0.0,0.0,0.09426493607521036,0.04587838379896517,0.05676499316330622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03701470036887517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03274157075921462
bpd,fxyyxva,2019/07/31,"I’m too scared of rejection to talk to my boyfriend again i don’t want to put myself in a bad situation or make myself miserable, but I miss my boyfriend so much, but we’ve been broken up for a month with no contact and this has been our worst breakup. I really did love him and I’ve never connected with anyone like that, so whenever something would go wrong I’d feel it more intensely and it was like my entire world was crashing down. I’m worried that having any sort of contact with him would be wrong for a lot of reasons. I feel like he’s hiding something from me or has lied about a lot, since he texted my friend who he said he hated asking if she wanted to hang out. that hurt me so badly since he was trying to put effort into seeing someone he said he didn’t like but didn’t see me. I also don’t know if he’s angry at me, since he said our breakup was my fault to the same friend. I really do miss and love him though, and I feel like I want some type of communication, but the fear of rejection or being lied to is too much.",6.052627646326277,4.594714196347034,6.668609381486096,82.71220423412204,66.85388127853881,9.790120381901204,29.04151100041512,8.575989854853784,1.8043022831050235,815,20,182,10,11,269,115,219,0.27699999999999997,0.581,0.142,-0.9897,0,1,2,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,1,9,24,1,3,6,0,20,2,0,2,1,36,42,19,0,7,9,0,3,5,2,2,0,3,0,0,7,10,0,0,5,0,0,4,6,15,0,0,12,8,25,9,25,26,8,14,0,6,2,2,27,7,0,9,8,115,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301137214056196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909334891468947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132517619704642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873217034258756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422444850678933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087870406902827,0.1764262811566505,0.16618074993496065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971836402736538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610045031490361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482995532308862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450999445748195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639197708697094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841107838644452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776160610331964,0.20994481102604148,0.0,0.07763641515347078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283584269477496,0.0,0.17099935335535346,0.0,0.08970380964499845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23384309405332515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901961636913005,0.119583874936997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319062933614797,0.0,0.11644448111541272,0.0,0.18536464888904144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28863324852236616,0.13073493377885367,0.0,0.0,0.09854729196641626,0.17907898148814766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348387081807956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427190467534552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896541801431123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580420875977454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811630106593685,0.0,0.1652435663184861,0.2543288238317567,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ichoro,2019/07/31,"Holy shit I think I have BPD I saw a BPD outburst video and oh my fuck was it enlightening. I thought everyone else was out to get me, but seeing that video, seeing how unhinged and manic the perpetrator was... I will get better. I refuse to torture myself and my family anymore with this stuff. 

I’m gonna talk to my therapist about it soon. I may be a cocktail of mental ailments but I think i can do this. I can and will get better",0.11282771535580235,2.4740547303370803,2.4171067415730327,90.94303838951313,91.58426966292136,5.213857677902623,19.77621722846442,6.816661863887847,0.4465273408239709,337,11,71,5,12,114,57,89,0.18100000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.105,-0.7992,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,3,0,3,0,11,2,1,1,0,15,23,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,15,2,7,13,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,1,2,1,1,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281575394376627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34390336724381154,0.0,0.0,0.489738892418812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241578958408706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577987537555896,0.0,0.0,0.18328506332783964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797412857395025,0.3047345810495657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593304234377398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30986053015619586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957280987921366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225682594516318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627015154374427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257405341659889,0.0,0.24915730816774145,0.0,0.15435044970333187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,caution223,2019/07/31,"I'm fairly certain my boyfriend is going to end things tomorrow My long-distance boyfriend has been on a week long trip with a friend and we discussed it was best that we don't communicate at all during this time because I've been having a lot more bad days than good ones and I'm constantly dragging him into my spirals. 

This last week, I've been a lot better. I don't have the desire to please anyone and I am happy that he doesn't have to deal with me. 

I can focus on myself and I hope he realises that too. I hope that when he comes back he'll tell me that he's done and doesn't want to continue the relationship. 

I can finally be free to work at my own pace, focus on my goals and not have to worry about him.",2.9866566985645946,3.9140363618421037,4.316196172248805,88.7292822966507,73.53947368421052,7.369377990430622,23.686602870813395,7.686295010490155,0.8957947368421055,565,15,126,7,11,187,91,152,0.046,0.745,0.209,0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,4,4,10,0,0,6,0,19,0,0,0,2,21,27,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,1,5,0,18,10,16,20,6,22,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,4,13,85,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229736015993975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449083800018433,0.14603803177350605,0.1066202182306769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355158259934948,0.15468890156722107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066482222233615,0.0,0.18900973212895644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279899483370055,0.18031895829694394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789881271437299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491355749777225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915994354958614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513085689206353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940231250540543,0.14670167671528067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618919463104072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474394570621289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257058983158907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30957012681943585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973952655057906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185198807214628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199272339023699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778207973623767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287432601403175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619884168723038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198827639164568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316326226022847,0.0,0.2805958334331023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733262888998592,0.1776241071672634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,polyphonic_overtones,2019/07/31,"Does anyone else view their relationship with their SO through the lens of ultimately being betrayed? I feel like I am always waiting for the ball to drop. Things could be going really well, we could have had a fun week and or have an amazing day, and I'm still asking myself ""when is this going to end?"" or thinking to myself ""it's really too bad that we have this much fun and it's going to have to end"", or I might even just feel sad after a beautiful day because I ""just know"" some day he will hurt me emotionally or leave me, most likely for someone else.",6.322797619047622,5.608580446428572,6.861428571428572,79.11690476190478,65.96428571428572,9.609523809523813,28.48809523809524,8.841846274778883,1.9580309523809527,438,11,89,6,6,144,75,112,0.13699999999999998,0.71,0.153,0.4542,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,2,0,8,9,0,0,5,0,13,0,0,0,0,22,23,9,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,3,12,6,11,16,3,13,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,7,11,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075374375253827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182798258654217,0.1733232684432921,0.0,0.0,0.15814072314985902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124060360182125,0.10311768651069086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701192109389906,0.0,0.0,0.3272804609014369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803208062242354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28262108564367383,0.19028097799795288,0.2996491270304868,0.0,0.0,0.11172784848202892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106363030583405,0.12084714158422072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884106786536555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108808553027692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296529957105044,0.0,0.0,0.17911483510511558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652849737973048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945084553395246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435124449632287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673502719460186,0.0,0.0,0.1816133370565132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332777472322175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509050445327014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238164701637893,0.10839018347715147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356890544228676,0.0,0.15209415320916145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iggy_gorl,2019/07/31,Dbt?! Is dbt always done in a group? Or can it be done 1 on 1? Anyone ever done 1 on 1 dbt? I left after 6 months of group dbt as i found listening to everyone elses issues hard because id feel all their feelings as well as mine  also whats,-1.6111904761904758,0.28996957407407464,1.840793650793653,95.605,94.0,4.567195767195766,15.121693121693122,6.1826913282559595,-0.5722084656084658,183,4,44,2,7,66,40,54,0.028999999999999998,0.9,0.07,0.4501,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,6,10,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,4,1,9,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539046222281304,0.18249216048389136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335393850545453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369569358326386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733228143430653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321406998628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838787801621055,0.0,0.2095700619765045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178999039353345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047352241823886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964680191770992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289135393174257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23829228020918145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505946838924424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719539868798208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hvtvst,2019/07/31,"talking to my psychiatrist today, any advice? okay so, my psych currently has me on antidepressants (Wellbutrin) from when I moved (I was diagnosed w/ adjustment disorder after a suicide attempt within 2 months of moving across the country) 

I've brought up to her possibly going on something for anxiety, because my anxiety is pretty bad. she knows I smoke though, and said that I'm only anxious because I'm high. which like..idk is pretty problematic because I smoke weed to.....not be anxious........ so I'm pretty scared to tell her I need changes in my treatment after that lol.

I'm planning on asking her today to take a different direction w/ my treatment, because depression isn't the problem, my BPD is. I just don't really know what or how to say it because I know a lot of people in the medical world don't even believe BPD is an actual thing to begin with.

Does anyone have advice, or can tell me what helped them get treatment that helped their BPD? 

thank u i love u all",3.6402656546489567,5.962749301075269,4.981359898798228,78.8361574952562,74.80645161290323,7.8173308032890585,29.758380771663504,8.671277953709913,2.703665781151171,774,35,134,16,17,257,116,186,0.134,0.747,0.11900000000000001,-0.4526,2,0,3,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,2,2,7,7,0,1,7,2,12,3,0,1,1,14,29,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,3,2,22,3,21,25,2,22,0,1,0,1,15,10,0,3,8,82,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.1039006569259046,0.0,0.0,0.20808509787929771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240415372919745,0.0,0.1629005481618892,0.24056458833936475,0.0,0.07444722774068085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953631860101776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889911111756205,0.3245196649379666,0.0,0.0,0.11995672589525867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40229072918555936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263254685692445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170359832607623,0.1080661561665822,0.0,0.1112398759272899,0.1220253655107084,0.0,0.09317377615658283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032330763136124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562687415510401,0.0,0.060510109027392525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427309729523983,0.11249280314146287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554157131634535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052016512521759234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051811515455012,0.09609452994949402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107258661062724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498439778169138,0.22632434242721103,0.0,0.07894714021721598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809762423139847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381381246939371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003042409858755,0.0,0.3249588514754939,0.0,0.10187868111096453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820825872409503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127861410172884,0.08467027304120033,0.1065963728592497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819668295960082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164623512439214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005318772862947,0.08557761994897117,0.1861212662249719,0.0980244934498439,0.0,0.0,0.07073481896076292,0.0,0.1046075386435595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018447381302901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arclb123,2019/07/31,"Medication or not? A few months ago I got diagnosed with BPD. All this time I've trying to avoid medicine because I feel like I can get addicted and I have an aunt who is addicted to her anti-depressents and I don't want to end up like her in the future.
The thing is, my mood swings are getting worse, I started to get more flashbacks, my anxiety is getting worse to the point my panic attack lasts for an hour. On a daily basis. When they used to last 10 minutes or so. Every 2-4  days.
So I've been thinking of actually taking medication. I am scared of it because of what I explained, but I feel that it might help me (btw my therapy session is today  – I can get the medication today). 
Any advices? It will be really helpful. I want to hear you all out. Thank you.",1.7042307692307688,3.742928653846157,3.896769230769234,85.64823076923078,79.76923076923076,6.724102564102565,25.143589743589743,7.793537801064563,1.4592005128205128,594,23,122,10,15,204,103,156,0.10400000000000001,0.802,0.09300000000000001,0.6154,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,0,3,8,1,3,8,0,14,6,0,1,2,19,31,8,0,2,4,1,2,2,0,2,6,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,21,3,16,26,4,18,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,3,15,80,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.12340818935554244,0.2757234199204693,0.0,0.12357672184627233,0.11210049644533088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599816187796264,0.0,0.09674270735371994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386822173881136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541795228063736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927384212374818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155721065432366,0.0,0.10892111139277566,0.1283557684591135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200736017801624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065492745914417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788547620948126,0.0903441264658207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303545916887493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114282029457386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253131027294258,0.0,0.16952896601579426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245391114870034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616601495693704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356540982176893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821899941563439,0.0,0.13415567526699973,0.0,0.0,0.1009403690410632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837533179083748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954700087614267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101448015134062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661003073165855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951010613971166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508331556339177,0.0,0.0,0.11642876577543013,0.1446197554394829,0.0,0.0840154065490173,0.08103142792904834,0.0,0.0,0.07374072219533404,0.0,0.23974144534395445,0.0,0.0,0.08585906266885229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922213939663876,0.0,0.0,0.149180547652025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577501607863011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PreRaphaeliteSister,2019/07/31,My dad with bpd discarded me. My dad has bpd and love bombed me as a young child then discarded me by my preteens. Now I have bpd. It sucks. He still doesn't admit to it...,-1.1813513513513527,0.8598508648648641,1.0095135135135145,101.00508108108109,94.4054054054054,5.122162162162162,15.508108108108113,6.742157984588678,-0.4566389189189186,130,3,33,2,5,43,28,37,0.21100000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.1,-0.4003,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,4,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9527132214243486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275730523912041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136539809160464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pterodactylandi,2019/07/31,"Is anyone else’s quality of asleep affected? I find when my bpd is really acting up I don’t get as much sleep as I should, or I wake up multiple times during the night with reason. The worst though is when I get night that I’ll wake up crying from because literally in this dream I’m being exposed what terrifies me most. And tbh I just don’t understand why my brain does this to me. Like I just want to sleep man but instead I’ll wake up sobbing I guess.  The worst part is I can’t even control it. Like I know what happens isn’t real but it feels so real and makes me doubt and question all my relationships. Like it’d even be fine if my nightmares were fantastical but they’re hyper realistic. It almost reads like a warning or like “hey this is gonna happen to you” or “this is totally happening right now behind your back, wise up”. They just make me even more paranoid about everything. I hate this so much. I’m just so sick and tired of this bs I just want to sleep and feel stable in my relationships in my life.",3.6025714285714305,4.597248400000002,4.816666666666666,85.465,72.14285714285714,8.266666666666667,24.952380952380953,8.648137234880735,1.4824666666666668,804,23,173,14,15,266,120,210,0.182,0.685,0.134,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,1,1,18,12,1,1,4,0,15,11,8,5,2,40,33,20,0,4,12,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,13,6,0,1,7,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,2,25,7,20,27,9,17,0,1,0,0,8,9,1,9,12,114,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821131042746688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825442039803454,0.12095749313328814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077415204102857,0.0,0.07196296821576684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868146209984945,0.13178427704844747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324045553215607,0.0,0.0,0.12967379437828702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330747588718307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861670141897833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339152830478215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609688384026694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938055446284805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789673669852587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335384906586225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004680071720148,0.0,0.31317708694255103,0.0,0.0,0.11655120466357155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487789946205924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338311447291873,0.28836947662431633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576003001383872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735625566881229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156626974153415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278380386932301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224445759400486,0.0,0.11808323232597726,0.2687364163021525,0.07562667666924172,0.12137638339255252,0.0,0.25348580334571824,0.0,0.1008151531983401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35440962359502465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598478908782092,0.0,0.06883665419323955,0.13568258717846068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289555199847432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392594141386144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652292388629006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,geminisolis,2019/07/31,"DAE have a hard time listening to music, watching films etc without becoming fully submerged? I’m finding difficulty listening to music, or watching tv programs or films without basically being able to stop myself from putting myself in that persons shoes. 

Recently, I can’t listen to music because it invites too many intrusive thoughts and I can’t settle myself down, and become so agitated and feel so panicked. I am one for sort of sad/depressive songs anyway, I do just like the sound. 

I also had a bit of a burst at a TV program and just felt like I was that character feeling those emotions, and ended up actually having a rage at the TV, which my s/o wasn’t very chuffed about, as you can imagine. 

This is only something I’ve just began to notice I do, usually I actually think I kind of disassociate into the story or the music and can just pleasantly enjoy it, without physically starting to feel the emotions overbearingly.",8.627411689145795,8.184644445086708,9.436146435452798,61.646987797045625,61.19653179190752,11.619524727039176,41.765574823378294,10.980518767755715,4.990574052665383,751,39,115,17,9,257,112,173,0.10099999999999999,0.8240000000000001,0.075,-0.6739,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,10,6,1,0,10,0,14,1,1,0,0,27,26,13,0,0,10,0,5,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,7,7,0,1,8,6,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,12,14,5,22,19,2,14,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,4,9,87,21,2,0.14718254193768224,0.0,0.2872578591885128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770182561197673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972111146624699,0.32510310805026005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606852158517978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676810770223434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311210989026764,0.13036004606386606,0.0,0.1641474402084096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232597466327861,0.0,0.14131832156494625,0.0,0.1345221768944733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184664797870405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326796836832626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438119110267881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492199963113857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675682995153709,0.0,0.0,0.09973469953109804,0.1119389554429566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285141185246925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795910673823146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453250039292993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330831147203525,0.0,0.0,0.10417656072787744,0.0,0.0,0.12305119545786808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430862990309846,0.0,0.11684649784904835,0.08582332381451135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210077615145618,0.12144101130133984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42563615462000537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,billymayes,2019/07/31,"you can do it. I have been chronically unemployed and applied for disability, and after 4 years of being unemployed, in jail, and on welfare ive finally found a full time job delivering.  if anyone out there has given up, i did, but its so worth  it if you find something i feel my symptoms melting away, and like anything is possible now.",8.812604166666668,7.2504229687500015,9.508125,64.89104166666668,61.5,12.908333333333333,41.64583333333333,11.855464076750405,5.041464583333334,266,13,47,7,3,91,54,64,0.0,0.8959999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.757,5,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,0,11,12,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,7,1,8,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,6,38,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161548004807488,0.0,0.2543922601521464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904430739341374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630824871327392,0.0,0.0,0.3386429412513037,0.2825443395050129,0.0,0.0,0.3389512311571213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067693842975046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102803995616465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34850394245738203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379876892001869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32131025609102376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802594553633944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907319209642935
bpd,MunchaBunchaFritos,2019/07/31,It’s 4:45am and I can’t sleep Because I have no fucking weed and it’s the only  fucking thing that can help me sleep. I’m also out of smokes and I don’t get paid til the day after tomorrow. I’m so fucking antsy and on edge.,-0.16823529411765034,1.474441588235294,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,84.09803921568627,4.864313725490196,20.003921568627447,5.6839178017228535,-0.27563843137254906,175,5,43,1,5,60,36,51,0.049,0.8909999999999999,0.06,0.128,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,4,5,2,0,0,5,11,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,5,10,0,6,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,4,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207403885584236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580987129153116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726073344518722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7193008757772473,0.13550083643012933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738383336587464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724905868195355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190790645467669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723020982123209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pcnoobie245,2019/07/31,"I had first sexual rxperiencen2 days ago and i want more even though i shouldnt Im 21, she was an older woman early 40s and attractive. Was deiving home and saw her. Talked to her and told me she was going home to showrr and to wait for her. I did and we talked. Told me aboht her family, daughter, her life, etc. And then oral sex. She told me to go again tomorrow, whcih was yesterday. I want to do stuff with someone i know and care about. But i dont have anyone and that was the only thing ive ever done remotely sexual in person. Afrerwards i hated myself. I felt like i didnt care about myself and what i did with who. I didnt know if she was clean or not. In the car i had chest pains, which i legit thought was a heart attack. I eant to experience more but not sure if i want to do it with her. But it felt so nice having someone to hold, and not in the sexual manner. Having someone to talk to",1.0386969168121,2.836919853403145,3.2519982547993003,90.6469211751018,80.8324607329843,6.338685282140781,17.4173938336242,7.3871296695380915,0.10713589296102333,696,13,157,10,18,238,101,191,0.051,0.848,0.10099999999999999,0.7215,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,5,0,22,5,2,0,2,37,40,20,0,6,9,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,3,2,8,15,0,2,5,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,21,3,33,6,19,18,3,16,0,0,1,1,21,3,0,3,11,116,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149576442294258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067854368169732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475350455618725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26444434889285473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363589015251484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271245335534562,0.1519894792977408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463269896716333,0.08565550815544057,0.11730721778607815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685650172833854,0.12225517480689944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490352604402114,0.0,0.0,0.1103097226883471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740558463069242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803677294842686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367697038821426,0.0,0.0,0.2601686160711064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008170856764646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425426173289627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160012482340847,0.06335738409633848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986310430715471,0.13799364313215776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323566053794562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296442259517981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845793198683188,0.0,0.0,0.12222627628867212,0.0,0.0,0.3127069006148397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615673901642901,0.0,0.1274145398048384,0.1029551501218165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37175780820203497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947415310460945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Futurevisitor,2019/07/31,"BPD and Me Hey yall, my diagnosis was originally Bipolar 1, however it's been reaffirmed as BPD, so I guess I joined the club, heh.
 I'd like to give some background to where I'm at, maybe I can glean some advice from someone who has been here before.

About two years ago I was ready to end it, when a girl entered my life, it's safe to say that she saved me. She too has BPD and as such we became each others FP. Things started out simple, we were support buddies, then it advanced to friends with benefits. Her having known about BPD for most her life, gave me a simple ground rule: don't fall for me. Suffice to say, I did. Fast forward to April of this year, she revealed to me she started dating. I was devistated, I had told her nothing of how I felt, so I attempted to act happy, to hide my shame. That last about a week. I couldn't take it anymore so I opened up to her. She cried and then she spoke, ""I never felt that way about you"". Emptiness, I was nothing.
In the following months I spiraled further down, one hellish weekend I got high and wasted, sent her my suicide note. Woke up to her trying to break down my front door. Made her boyfriend despise me.

She forgives me time and time again because she knows what I'm going through, but I know she is growing tired of it, and I just don't know what I can do to keep her in my life.",3.1836956521739097,4.168542876811596,3.943449275362319,91.3693043478261,73.13043478260869,6.53449275362319,26.84347826086957,6.508806274219699,0.8780121739130435,1038,36,231,7,20,331,162,276,0.08,0.8420000000000001,0.078,-0.3919,1,0,0,0,0,2,41.0,2,2,0,2,15,12,2,1,5,1,19,5,0,3,1,34,42,16,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,5,3,1,1,15,12,0,2,8,2,0,10,4,3,0,2,18,5,52,9,36,23,4,46,1,0,0,0,33,14,0,4,23,154,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383799190551842,0.10326617518486243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553216937006935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101453658506353,0.0,0.09912903584082823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5868876946905676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796476636970167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031803787218533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22370777519155124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000408496417225,0.0,0.0,0.11175303750208987,0.06620704098337707,0.0,0.09317204232297184,0.0,0.12833285669390676,0.0,0.0,0.1240115579698304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308382430033675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354649626229516,0.0,0.0,0.19206853521229725,0.09495932887367146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24685251512525574,0.056913785674744824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023079839522394,0.0,0.0,0.11703532362986402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298554567688766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984846204886449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356102570610734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894032243811372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528369316851773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870620497951843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491213856393394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742709913704187,0.13219764037161078,0.0,0.0,0.08759006992368888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739439133661055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358588512620063,0.1338943666449514,0.0,0.1113163815115397,0.0,0.07909275416183116,0.0,0.11379911363688434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246865477305186,0.0934456119562612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003848281222454
bpd,buggggirl,2019/07/31,"I feel like vacations are so hard with BPD! It's really difficult to get away from my routine and comfort zone by going on vacation, but the worst part is being away from my FP.

I always feel like I'm being a buzz kill by being upset about these kind of things and being extra needy to everyone in a time where I should be having fun. It feeds into my cycle of negativity by feeling like this, which makes all the clinging and sadness 10x worse!

Does anyone relate or have any good coping skills to help with this?",7.6099999999999985,6.268243137254903,7.983647058823529,74.1584117647059,63.70588235294117,10.512941176470589,30.203921568627447,9.3871,2.477154509803922,408,10,77,6,5,135,77,102,0.257,0.5710000000000001,0.17300000000000001,-0.9378,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,1,1,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,14,17,6,1,1,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,4,6,7,18,11,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,4,57,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625904024789219,0.0,0.0,0.13288029366556942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366298613442664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36717386643058136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461024102431502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099790688699193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671531223008453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964038869526995,0.4187864179971705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020896591247242,0.0,0.11105165440326274,0.16389421425259704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504211812463466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097407140495945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618374092819634,0.20348147059593555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863911434640319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043258107407404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160169532118744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125179744294421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981663387768802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394067741043325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991316808970547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bobsagetcult,2019/07/31,"Can someone please message me As a disclaimer, I have not been diagnosed with anything other than depression and GAD. My family is urging me to seek help because my issues have led me to drug addiction. After looking up the issues I deal with, every single one of them matched the symptoms of BPD(Once again not trying to diagnose myself).

I'm constantly distracting my brain with drugs/sex/social media. When i'm not active, i cant handle my own thoughts. Every second of existence sober is agonizing.

I just want someone to talk to and see if they can relate. This pain is unbearable I dont want to go on anymore",5.796896551724139,7.097372310344831,6.54431034482759,73.96922413793105,67.27586206896552,9.248275862068963,32.603448275862064,9.516144504307137,3.282158620689656,492,21,81,10,8,162,82,116,0.129,0.807,0.065,-0.8611,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,10,7,1,1,0,14,18,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,2,2,15,0,17,16,2,8,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,1,4,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903925885389915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628759578942536,0.0,0.0,0.13515055590086586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011549799310927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684692404347926,0.1833394154172273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747856618239571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931800184876286,0.1414544695762916,0.33338802574218784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248097862607375,0.0,0.19045925341847256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767483902495452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482516156816326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333794455958094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008256186032586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34283517100506145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379151634908077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490380798019614,0.11128918208403324,0.0,0.17475651339144838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802795701625796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308732031240835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27830980364695906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070196908262752,0.0,0.13200503642659125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303834195735424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150407862020424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373889018743085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mysteriouspyramid,2019/07/31,"The strange comfort of self-hate I started seeing someone a few weeks ago, and he's already very loving to me. But there's an internal backlash I feel against receiving his love. Maybe I feel unworthy of it, or it seems too good to be true. A voice in my mind keeps saying the mantra, ""Remember that nobody loves you, and everybody hates you."" Whereas just a few days ago all I could think was, ""I love you I love you I love you..."" It's like the quiet BPD part of my brain doesn't want me to love or be loved, and just wants me to be alone, which in a way is comforting, since I don't have to risk rejection. I think that's what's going on.",2.6337313432835785,3.6676556567164202,3.725552238805971,92.21907462686569,74.52238805970148,7.44955223880597,24.59402985074627,7.908726449838941,1.0218232835820895,494,15,115,7,10,160,85,134,0.092,0.601,0.307,0.9887,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,5,0,0,4,16,1,1,8,0,9,9,1,0,2,21,29,6,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,6,20,13,12,24,4,11,0,1,1,8,17,3,0,3,6,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981329196338644,0.0,0.0,0.11574727499178898,0.12332740327272924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075491350152627,0.12475855600853808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922943130110347,0.0,0.0,0.07207447235532875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301610422621368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351447754733114,0.09373705819350868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033759353202048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933538056182876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054599168134999335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8069255154883969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112275632991965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284342055759905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102270064028778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659969059067255,0.0,0.0,0.08887421031694431,0.0,0.0,0.08905641923650721,0.101740014644701,0.1165876567149558,0.0,0.0,0.0924471260299099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946919383019692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910267674348398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321964582478994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221180842650953,0.1318351764538758,0.08870806201548116,0.08964528748509899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dweeb93,2019/07/31,"Anyone feel that other people suck? IDK man, i'm trying to be positive but occasionally i'm reminded that other people will just find new and inventive ways to let you down. It's just a cold world out there y'know.",3.1085714285714303,5.460749619047622,5.081190476190475,77.33464285714288,76.61904761904762,8.009523809523811,20.02380952380953,8.841846274778883,1.5451238095238096,172,4,31,4,4,59,35,42,0.086,0.857,0.055999999999999994,-0.0558,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666944671003861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928550511081242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34860670171991426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209615890508148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900230166279817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36837330248579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5288507303386326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589559723259573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027497355501691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DeRussia,2019/03/06,"Will I ever be able to trust again? I am 20 years old and throughout my entire life being betrayed by loved ones has been reoccurring. I have been cheated on 2 times, and I was in a very abusive sort of dating situation. My mom constantly lies to me and is an alcoholic. I have no dad, honestly, my family is very dysfunctional. I'm in an amazing relationship with the literal girl of my dreams, for the last two years she has shown loyalty, love, and affection. Despite knowing that she wouldn't hurt me I can not stop the paranoid thoughts of being cheated or lied to. Like I said I do trust her, but it's hard for me to not be prepared for the worst. I want to just relax and enjoy our time together. Outside of my romantic life, I have had several falling outs with my friends. I am a very charismatic guy and I make friends super easily, but I constantly cut people out of my life. In high school & my freshman year of college, I had a bad habit of befriending really shitty people. After years of being screwed over, im scared that I will never be able to trust again. How can I fix this?     ",4.447987711213519,5.429531525345627,5.658451612903228,80.26101075268821,70.15207373271889,9.288970814132105,30.134869431643626,9.558583805096642,2.708481044546851,859,34,170,19,15,287,132,217,0.17800000000000002,0.589,0.233,0.9067,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,5,21,4,1,9,0,26,7,0,3,2,27,34,10,0,2,6,2,1,1,2,3,4,1,0,2,4,10,1,1,2,2,0,1,5,8,0,2,7,2,31,13,28,18,1,26,0,1,0,3,14,8,1,2,18,119,35,2,0.2560083441451231,0.15166401250887007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136797531391041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869246696104226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687813694274947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766540713904065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578710201678527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067094135043364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779141163036665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674425513910087,0.0,0.0,0.11466659559529993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524343571138225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703111364893447,0.0,0.1382664714645767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034774537277848,0.10434048472840028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712393968038593,0.06253637273417641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105752582406286,0.0,0.08544377882712069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991693926784516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872470870925744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431884597073862,0.0,0.08673893977037897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748395137354306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820027503638355,0.0,0.0,0.13742857658182253,0.0,0.0,0.12176128030146385,0.0,0.12815450675299964,0.12954705595402718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446082795029856,0.0,0.0,0.14388205257412973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107017219500071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162101442084463,0.14928052423558896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504147638123184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31685054292371984,0.07550017716213685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32972196013238275
bpd,BPDthrowawayaccx,2019/03/06,"Splitting I never thought I was the type to split. I thought I was just the emotional side of BPD. Basically I get scared and insecure and mentally/emotionally cut myself off from a person until we talk or see eachother again and I hate it. I know I don’t feel that way at all but it takes everything in me to not listen to the negative thoughts while it’s happening. How can I help this? I hate being insecure, I hate not controlling it. 

This is a throwaway account just because I think this is something I hide very well, I can fight through the splitting into what I know is real, so I don’t really want the chance of anybody I love stumbling on my account and knowing it happens.",3.616141414141417,5.394893496296297,4.842289562289565,82.20484848484848,73.2962962962963,8.16835016835017,31.531986531986533,8.841846274778883,2.7324814814814813,542,26,104,11,11,179,87,135,0.22,0.6509999999999999,0.128,-0.9264,0,0,1,0,1,1,11.0,1,0,0,1,6,10,5,3,7,0,10,1,0,2,2,26,29,10,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,1,8,0,2,0,6,8,1,0,5,3,21,2,13,23,1,11,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,1,4,79,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572786140524167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778170287179306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612954600819275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532893668624613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411340866504706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794022637993174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204497715946618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27773333532922445,0.0,0.0,0.4651224585343255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525811124292184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589091051391548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417313777666667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111606350039693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711802635633538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787416712522247,0.10060146492326076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722071587437247,0.0,0.12513758710149545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089420382110945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807174245355692,0.1262198169628877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062251018901333,0.0,0.374007806044273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295713807908016,0.09262406920227377,0.12464809311035692,0.0,0.0,0.14119447896500964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,h0isenberry,2019/03/06,"I don't have BPD. I don't have BPD. I don't have bipolar disorder. I don't have OCD or ADHD or anything else. I am not depressed. I am not a crazy ex girlfriend. I am not mentally unstable. 

Because if I stick these labels on myself they become my identity and I just feed into them. And I'm done feeding into them. I am me. That's all. ",-1.7420319634703176,0.1163767945205514,1.8153767123287672,92.88233447488585,102.97260273972604,4.625114155251142,19.781963470319635,6.42735559955562,0.42583196347032,258,10,57,4,12,93,44,73,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.7967,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,0,1,12,14,5,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,16,0,3,13,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,0,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116174193194816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337441722835832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580613997287281,0.2863665611962213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.653135927988782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332697641530305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971699739477903,0.0,0.0,0.26534473836803263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166043765201252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26130436323490674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chromeboat,2019/03/06,Cluster A features? Anyone here been diagnosed with BPD along w/ Paranoid Personality Disorder or Schizotypal Personality Disorder?,12.376666666666665,17.497460000000004,12.831111111111117,19.100000000000023,60.111111111111114,16.933333333333334,59.0,13.023866798666859,12.111466666666667,112,9,8,6,2,38,16,18,0.35700000000000004,0.643,0.0,-0.7757,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070099081222904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37287337359393896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004915795803235,0.0,0.0,0.6786138441836795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170110311080862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bisbusbisbusbis,2019/03/06,"I have a friend who has BPD. I care about her a lot and find myself worrying about her. What are some small and big things I can do to help her? I don't completely understand BPD so what are some thing that you wish someone would do for you, big or small?",1.240000000000002,3.0190867037037066,2.170148148148151,98.7396666666667,80.1111111111111,6.542222222222222,18.20740740740741,7.554174236665415,-0.0007214814814817673,198,4,49,3,5,62,37,54,0.042,0.743,0.215,0.8677,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,12,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,4,11,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,0,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6019047077558488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436280355737995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505371874973289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839828870771424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846141363919906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601648478263735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314890089194293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246370813145215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174988940530811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24875801685504914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747836234734484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266789911112185,0.0,0.1697450255310292,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,winooskiwinter,2019/03/06,"DAE get back in touch with exes just as they're starting to feel better about the break up? I dated a guy for two months this past fall and he ended things because he didn't have the ""emotional space"" in his life for a relationship (...with me). He had pretty quickly become my favorite person. The break-up threw me for a serious loop, and I really struggled with obsessional thinking, googling him way too much, etc. Lots of self-loathing and lots of processing in therapy.

Over the last month I've started to feel a lot better. I wasn't thinking about him as much, and I was feeling way better about myself. But of course I took this progress to mean that I should reach out and try to be friends with him. We hung out this weekend and had a great time. Now all the obsessional thinking is back. 

Anyone else struggle with the tendency to establish contact with exes the moment they start to feel like they're getting over them? Any advice for not repeating this pattern? ",5.314627858627858,6.624766167567572,5.204324324324329,83.09671517671521,68.4054054054054,8.07068607068607,29.90644490644491,8.384062270229773,2.1250873180873184,771,29,145,11,13,239,114,185,0.068,0.772,0.16,0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,2,4,9,9,0,2,12,0,9,1,0,0,1,31,24,9,0,1,3,0,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,15,0,0,8,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,7,5,17,6,32,15,7,32,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,3,18,98,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080853254666382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840717538300722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864440599272124,0.12667221053520653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901256747413782,0.0,0.07536290662473476,0.1365381835724357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280186095512718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327591322239923,0.13906564492053647,0.10949833120160524,0.0,0.13787867768189008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500415366919648,0.0883203663237102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551522515217352,0.0,0.12918178390139573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630107563820165,0.0,0.12241184757788673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007738891104612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732260530528453,0.06039873695899192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153140932866126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466789476653693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973584940008244,0.0,0.18176263538795245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180175808128657,0.0,0.1079478102317096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577483085814456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919970942658174,0.0,0.0,0.1327309545581928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289716940957923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625150855907952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584871149633192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413801901432163,0.0,0.08213341335534316,0.23764883269310574,0.0,0.0,0.0720888878119907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735603201054405,0.08393577052286062,0.0,0.1207672736795403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626141154998586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwawayxxx8,2019/03/06,BPD and PMS? DAE notice their PMS aggravates their BPD by 1000? ,1.1950000000000005,3.7673618333333367,1.5,94.995,97.33333333333334,5.7333333333333325,14.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.09653333333333423,50,1,10,1,2,15,9,12,0.22899999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.0,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9112449893906852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118647463796461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nerdinahotbod,2019/03/06,"Just had a fight with my boyfriend I thought I was getting better until today. It all blew up. I don’t even know what started the fight but now I don’t even know if he is going to stay with me. I push him away so much but I almost enjoy the pain that that causes me. 

Fucked it up again. ",-0.9701190476190468,1.068225063492065,0.9669642857142868,102.15616071428572,92.015873015873,3.1500000000000004,14.224206349206348,3.1291,-1.537665079365079,221,4,54,0,8,72,46,63,0.204,0.71,0.086,-0.8378,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,3,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,12,12,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,10,2,7,9,2,11,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,2,5,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780995041526237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609299349758165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24562345695591786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852980609269377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668668928214771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567504721739968,0.14509882403165988,0.0,0.15783640183378134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30525863566893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415838712846812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955168918800869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196573794743225,0.2960158047974789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048106910192009,0.0,0.0,0.2632489654013408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SensitivePart4,2019/03/06,"How do I make people understand I have BPD and what it is? I am a cheerful, happy person on the outside. I laugh, I make jokes, I'm loud, I've been called ''bubbly''. They just can't get their heads around the fact that I have BPD and I struggle [every. single. day](https://every.single.day). I cry, and I cry, and I want to kill myself, I hate myself and I fear everyone hates me and are going to leave me. My parents are starting to understand, but my friends.... Nope. I have three good girlfriends. They don't understand or they just don't want to, and I don't know what to do....",1.5873188405797087,3.8642945652173917,2.82054347826087,91.90965579710146,81.6086956521739,5.5724637681159415,20.018115942028984,6.816661863887847,0.22072463768116,445,12,95,5,12,143,66,115,0.17600000000000002,0.723,0.10099999999999999,-0.8025,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,4,0,4,11,3,2,3,0,14,1,1,3,1,22,28,10,1,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,1,1,24,6,7,27,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,67,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243160759670294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747264055597618,0.0,0.15190480046034044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268208031882163,0.1918811023107616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125340188163571,0.14215049284933934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740099511556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493479092998175,0.0,0.0777231132576728,0.0,0.08454607828684968,0.1247762867056816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836217315955745,0.0,0.2937475416935957,0.152674906689915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645854587495665,0.0,0.08175687043405018,0.0,0.0,0.15751972439257672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198602412001897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518495142539044,0.0,0.0,0.10313431041519182,0.12989509243750713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529601059333564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552055951850094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646060895144813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548986593054927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bubsy456,2019/03/06,"What is wrong with me? I'm not diagnosed. Apparently I'm not even crazy enough to warrant the Mental Health Team or Talking Therapies. They think because I smoke weed regularly then I have a drug addiction but the only reason I smoke is because no one 2ants to help me.

I've been screaming out that I need help for the last 6 months. Going to the doc constantly I'm on Propranolol and Mirtazapine.

I keep exploding. My anxiety is through the roof because I'm too scared to see people in case I explode at them. I don't know how to act in social situations anymore. I'm so scared of going out.

I never used to be like this. A year ago I was fine, 10 years ago I was a completely different person.

I feel like I have no control anymore. I thought it was ADHD but I don't know anymore. I can't control my thoughts, my emotions, I can't control me anymore. I don't 3ven know who me is.

I've been crying and freaking out for the last hour and a half and I can't stop. I don't know how to stop. I'm waiting for my bf to come home but he's not here and I just can't stop. ",0.21921721450355847,2.38706649779736,2.629977973568284,91.7574101999322,86.66519823788546,5.7830565909861065,23.268214164689933,7.1686216300943375,0.8990577431379201,833,33,186,13,26,285,119,227,0.13,0.759,0.111,-0.7458,2,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,4,7,8,0,2,10,0,20,4,0,7,1,40,42,13,0,1,8,0,1,2,1,0,4,1,1,1,5,10,0,8,9,1,0,4,14,5,0,2,7,3,30,3,21,34,1,25,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,1,16,112,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410965361986652,0.12579730312417925,0.0,0.18557362771260397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007500291099905,0.0,0.4152322626286939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142413017856408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901670215431384,0.10974825811201372,0.11311495501972516,0.3522009647811641,0.0,0.0,0.11497901356427095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624148128734193,0.0,0.10936161344091584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213881222219267,0.0,0.0,0.11774368987292423,0.0,0.10815579011765193,0.0,0.06913591300744003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292610760988252,0.07477882713465415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897681649783183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112631217764716,0.0,0.0,0.1403209897525304,0.0,0.10499613623981284,0.0,0.10308239233364364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303868819545696,0.0,0.0,0.2301034505247292,0.1706458781173547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227644875597412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054863500933857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354945365801421,0.0,0.0,0.0776141339490911,0.08073071853856235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092952741504671,0.07960897507318603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256748138729027,0.09139693342411356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762187456135118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095930299393136,0.0,0.08341129187089663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765749062193474,0.0,0.10670153390824276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625354019027754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413265939068729,0.0,0.0,0.11970336219207818,0.0,0.0,0.0670706041291231,0.0,0.1661982622197012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040436606920214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444412881827898,0.0,0.1348127085278218
bpd,AnonymousKyle,2019/03/06,"How can I reach my girlfriend when she feels low and withdraws? I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now. Things moved fast at the start(as expected) and she's been living with me for most of this time. She told me from the get go that she had BPD(she's 21 now and was diagnosed at 18) and I knew a bit about it beforehand so I thought I could handle it.

8 months later, I don't regret that decision but things aren't always easy. We've been through some up and downs but always figure it out. I've had tough times and was unemployed for months on end and she was cheering me up and supporting me through it.

Now that things have reversed and I got back on my feet and she's the one struggling, things are much harder. She has a hard time when feeling down and tends to close down on herself through it. She has told me before that she feels like a burden and that I drag her down when I feel the complete opposite especially since she's helped me out through my hard times.

She's the most wonderful person I've ever met when she's in a good mood and I wish she could always be even though I know that's unrealistic. She's been putting a lot of effort into getting professional help but it keeps dragging on and she's been put on wait lists and denied help for months on end and that depresses her even more.

I would just like to know how to act when she's feeling down and withdraws. She's told me that she feels alone and it breaks my heart. I don't know if I should double down on love/affection/support or give her more space until she feels better.

I would love any of the advice/insight that you guys can give.",4.387984665936475,5.049581325301208,4.405695509309968,90.3544742606791,70.08433734939759,7.602628696604601,25.934282584885,7.520522993642371,1.0150373493975908,1288,36,284,13,22,397,155,332,0.087,0.7659999999999999,0.147,0.9735,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,18,14,0,1,11,0,25,4,2,2,1,62,54,33,0,9,6,0,9,2,2,3,1,0,0,2,21,24,0,2,15,0,0,5,3,6,0,1,17,9,50,7,40,31,9,53,0,3,0,1,38,24,0,7,25,196,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972189287872905,0.0,0.0,0.234317062470788,0.0,0.0,0.06383345223592014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217869037177567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987474599280338,0.0,0.0,0.08301860926879816,0.10247953374925374,0.0,0.11822344770653873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841880185674932,0.0,0.0,0.149891904202631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084836245035801,0.09527403419118004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627835571976504,0.0,0.0,0.1239978445310716,0.08490897121883907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322373339914608,0.06705931098545614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808430128730218,0.18009345917046055,0.05334734204389679,0.07873201667936715,0.07507480680159033,0.0,0.0,0.09294406824517484,0.0,0.0,0.1681745634112537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123402039494837,0.1887532056231172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343418270178637,0.0,0.0,0.15476217773292808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917183171549974,0.0,0.08288715512605206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980320855367509,0.16943905209103027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996981370370429,0.0997668183250068,0.06900377341813964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360737951147664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196190842319777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887265134145865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776485715342245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644024663003402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813120432792606,0.0,0.0,0.2130405658839536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24944688695270345,0.0,0.09222482382012977,0.07452069909684653,0.21894071990877428,0.0,0.0,0.2690846619051896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794355625310617,0.0,0.10179583127837312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333622541291227,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,purplecatmeowmeow,2019/03/06,"DAE feel compulsive need to go off meds? I know it’s dangerous and a horrible decision all the way around, but I’m fighting this strong urge to go off my meds cold turkey and let my uncontrolled rage completely fuck up my life. I haven’t self-harmed in a little over a year. It’s been about six months since I’ve engaged in reckless behavior (depending on your definition) and lately my brain has been telling me I need to start hurting myself and this is the most effective method. Full on destruction.

Am I the only one?",4.200588235294116,5.916839401960787,4.884460784313728,82.75257352941178,71.64705882352942,9.41372549019608,28.43627450980393,9.827888789773867,2.7492509803921568,417,16,82,11,8,134,75,102,0.265,0.626,0.109,-0.9595,0,0,1,0,2,1,10.0,0,1,0,2,2,9,5,1,6,0,7,3,1,2,1,15,16,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,7,0,2,2,2,11,2,13,13,3,18,0,1,0,1,3,11,1,2,4,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285501311594016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293011839853231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536442963962107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385951608283264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989466644049888,0.0,0.0,0.23347408575032785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198915210429712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128858426385866,0.0,0.2317070726364337,0.0,0.0,0.2100416947100762,0.14508443117227876,0.0,0.20587091428010204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563198317947469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639532211563228,0.0,0.0,0.3046121000455204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391885163294198,0.15622062532721628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428340130022186,0.0,0.0,0.16991408150995255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453875230204478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953401988954082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304183296094926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227481957223244
bpd,is_reddit_useful,2019/03/06,"Has anyone seen major changes due to Ambien and related medication? My mother had 2 long term crises in the past and is now in her 3rd. In a crisis she is very distressed, lacking constructive motivation, and often obsessed with suicide. Past crises were diagnosed as depression and anxiety, but in this one she was diagnosed with BPD.

I wonder if some medication is actually making her worse, by making it harder for her to manage her feelings and disinhibiting her. This crisis started with difficulty sleeping but it became much worse when she started medicating that. 

For most of the time she was taking Imovane / zopiclone. I noticed how when she ran out of it she was a lot better the next day. Also, I noticed how when she took it and came to eat about an hour later because she couldn't sleep, it calmed her down much more than any other medication.

Thinking it was probably making her worse during the day afterwards, I encouraged her to ask for something else instead, and she got zolpidem / Ambien. On two occasions when she couldn't sleep she seemed in a very normal and healthy state. She wasn't distressed or depressed anymore. Her tone of voice was totally different, seeming healthy instead of desperate. She had various motivated ideas, and she put them into action as long as the effect lasted. It wore off in the morning. Like with zopiclone, she seems worse the day after she if she takes zolpidem at bedtime.",7.654609375,8.671511492187502,7.474218750000002,69.97390625000001,62.984375,10.30625,36.3125,10.270032843473604,4.012387500000001,1146,52,181,25,16,365,146,256,0.16,0.747,0.09300000000000001,-0.9591,1,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,4,12,9,0,3,11,0,15,10,3,8,1,45,35,24,1,6,5,1,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,11,16,1,0,10,0,0,5,3,5,0,2,15,3,32,4,34,18,11,41,0,2,1,0,30,12,0,11,24,139,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.09153278892984404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750097935759399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378548814821088,0.0,0.07175479892341538,0.0,0.0930218745809878,0.06558536379668269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768796185627531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717806003004153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295622956478726,0.0,0.0,0.11813461529004755,0.0,0.0,0.10727930445517676,0.0,0.0,0.09922527386364624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147480294897705,0.0,0.16157522691456952,0.19040489166318555,0.0,0.09799838023253207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959782164807506,0.0783557406469457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742681325365916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501839602491983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237160244210514,0.0,0.0,0.1058859134416768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764574475571984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582470027033783,0.0,0.0,0.1660155980593972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974324488320958,0.0,0.0,0.18783159544739825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779642852866023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790384876185066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975466109282627,0.0,0.09190159412328948,0.0,0.2135780560949984,0.0,0.0,0.06355958529350814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908057484883566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112952450495227,0.0,0.0,0.09429235270065243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561690499605591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815955933388093,0.0,0.0,0.07220986598776111,0.0,0.0,0.13278064762411493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259919552082666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410480309234489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060101623952562626,0.0,0.0,0.05469405227876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042124275128412,0.0,0.0,0.09162648753049618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547854528509535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171934247808342,0.0,0.0,0.382350493708565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,futureskewed,2019/03/06,"Self Helpless Podcast: Relationship with BPD This podcast episode covers one of the hosts who have been in a relationship with someone with BPD. The host (whose ex whom she self diagnosed and then ""confirmed"" with her therapist that he had BPD) goes into the symptoms/ diagnosis of people with BPD. 
She described her ex as a womanizer, manipulator, and just not a great person. She also went on to explain that she's heard from numerous psychologist/ psychiatrist/ therapist that they dread and sometimes refuse to take clients on with BPD. 
While I know this is a podcast with hosts that aren't trained professionals (it's 3 comedians) I have recently encouraged my fiance to research some material on BPD and people dating someone with BPD. I've sent him a few YouTube videos that were positive in explaining and creating understanding. This podcast episode (title is episode) is something he stumbled upon... The damage is already done. 
Just need some insight if others have heard of this particular episode and what I can do to continue to encourage researching ways in which my fiance and I can continue to communicate while overcoming and living with my BPD. ",9.939209090909088,10.383590830000003,9.20090909090909,61.48045454545454,58.2,12.872727272727275,43.68181818181819,12.24349002098031,5.859650000000002,946,51,142,28,11,300,116,200,0.07200000000000001,0.871,0.057,-0.4756,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,9,0,15,2,0,1,0,32,25,14,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,16,18,0,1,5,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,8,2,15,3,28,17,3,18,0,2,0,0,29,8,0,3,7,103,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482242333743596,0.06871567644858162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8657749464067213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721395104566351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793300781481228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947346631222966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722315339152986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587498892900912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371367564407343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822626206553998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914172680068393,0.07502801712464563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484240493274434,0.18450657424521494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179280903474431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456110940802911,0.06615069247706909,0.08498385865545435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931090516420265,0.06460630268788076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199535407433241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945288844554218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820473947119482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796550572456144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mybpdisvegan,2019/03/06,"Has anyone here tried EDMR Therapy? I am curious if anyone in this subreddit has tried EDMR Therapy for recovering repressed memories. I've been curious to try it since I can't remember over 70% of my childhood before age 12. 

I was wondering if it has helped any of you or what your experience was like. I am also curious if it helps people remember events as well as periods of time (at a young age) that were lost in memory. I am very concerned about the possibility of false memories being created though, and so if there's any way to avoid this I would appreciate any advice. 

Thank you for any and all feedback! ",6.5570460048426185,6.860348796610173,7.984285714285718,67.84364406779665,65.27118644067797,12.844552058111384,34.65375302663439,12.28987398476788,4.737073607748185,490,21,89,18,7,170,80,118,0.055,0.772,0.174,0.9151,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,7,6,0,2,2,0,13,0,0,0,1,14,16,12,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,5,0,10,3,15,9,1,12,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,6,8,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696115402746574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845196972420336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436922764447421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246258458566031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366802734549304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571223348224614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153274641807045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847339302149747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534145572267046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135733703605742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108085660078235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36391423589303534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287088251446522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478821671676855,0.3673779878574411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578135114220437,0.0,0.09366188616814752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271620421437667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325326691055932,0.0,0.1274968621775378,0.0,0.0,0.14442140730458825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419125260133636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410358265537852,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SwiftlyGregory,2019/03/06,"Will you help me understand how to support my recently diagnosed brother? TL;DR: My recently diagnosed (last three months) brother has stopped going to therapy and his binge drinking is getting worse. I love him more than anything, but lately I can't even talk to him (I promise I'm trying.) I know I can't make him do anything, but I could really use some advice on how to support someone with BPD who is spiraling while still protecting myself.

I guess my first disclaimer is that I don't have Borderline Personality. There's nothing in the rules saying I'm not allowed here, and I'm desperate for some informed input from people with experience with BPD. Please forgive me if this is the wrong place to post this, I don't know who else to ask.

A brief background: My Brother has been a self diagnosed alcoholic for 14 years, he's 28 now. Last year he moved in with me (26) and my Husband (30) because he was severely isolated where he was living before. I encouraged him to move in with us, before that I was spending 4+ hours a day on the phone with him just trying to calm him down, he couldn't keep living like that.

He is independent. He pays 1/3 of the rent, pays a small fee to share my car with me, and has a few part time jobs (he's a musician) that he is maintaining well. In his mind, he is ""High Functioning"" (I dislike functioning labels, but those are his words so I feel like I need to respect them. No disrespect or judgement meant to anyone here) and he has vocalized numerous times that he is not interested in reigning in his drinking. His psychiatrist flat out told him that until Brother had his drinking under control, he was not comfortable prescribing medication to treat Brother's BPD. His therapist recommended a one month rehab stay to get him sober and DBT. Since then, my brother has stopped seeing his therapist, and has not made the follow-up phone calls necessary for DBT. He is more frequently agitated and more prone to mood swings. His drinking has escalated significantly.

I'm not going to pretend like I understand how my brother is feeling. These are simply the behaviors that I have observed recently that i find alarming. Twice in my presence his therapist has called him to see why has hasn't been going to therapy, and he tells her everything is fine. When he gets off the phone he laughs and brags about how good he is at lying. It makes me sick with worry that he is so gleefully denying treatment, but I know if I said anything it would upset him. 

I have a lot of concern for my brother's situation. I don't think he's being rational, but I don't feel like any input from me would be constructive. I don't feel that any conversation I have with him is constructive anymore. He starts yelling about the things he doesn't have if I talk about something good in my life; if I try to tell him about something I am struggling with, he will hijack my negative feelings, hyper-inflate them, and seemingly become far more upset than I am about it. Anything else I might say provokes an outburst, some perceived slight or projected emotion that he's suddenly outraged about, and I try my best to respond as calmly as I can. It's hard when I'm just going about my day and suddenly my big brother is screaming at me.

I feel like it's important to state that I have several physical disabilities, only because it has a severe impact on my brother's emotional state. It probably makes it harder for me emotionally to support him, but that's not what this post is about. I've gotten to a place where I accept my chronic illnesses, but Brother is very much impacted when he sees that I'm in pain or my conditions are limiting me in other ways. He will become disproportionately upset when I have to cancel plans because of my disabilities, or if I show that I'm in pain (which is inevitable sometimes) and I don't know what to do about it. I'm *always* going to have pain, and it's going to get worse until I die at 50, and that has to be okay because there's nothing anyone can do about it. I understand that this is a difficult thing for any family member to accept, and it's not like anyone else I'm related to has dealt with it gracefully. It impacts my brother so severely that it gets in the way of his quality of life, though, and that's not okay. I cannot hide my disabilities or my pain from him, and I feel like I shouldn't have to in my own home.

That last sentence makes me feel like a really bad sister and person. Seeing how much my disability impacts my brother makes me feel guilty, and I become very angry when I feel I have to take care of someone else because of how bad *I* feel. This probably has more to do with my own feelings about my disability, and I don't blame my brother. But it drains on me. 

Now is the part where I say I don't judge my brother, and I hope you all believe me. I know better than anyone that it's harder for him to feel like this than it is for me to react to it. I know that if he could just ""stop acting like this"" then he already would have done that. I know he can't just ""stop drinking."" My husband is an alcoholic, my brother and I are the adult children of alcoholics, I know what that disease looks like, and I would never expect anyone to just ""get better."" I understand what it's like to feel powerless to the malfunctions of your own body and mind. I know this doesn't just get better, it takes a lot of time, effort, and vigilance. 

But I also understand that I need to practice self care, and I can't force my brother to do the same. He's had problems for his entire life that impact his family, but more importantly they're keeping him from living his best life. This is the first time he's been given a clear path to treatment, and I feel as though he's running in the opposite direction. He doesn't even have to get his drinking under control right away, which is what he claims is stopping him from treatment. He can start with going to DBT until he's ready to try to control his drinking, but he's not. 

This also makes me feel like a terrible person and sister, but breaking my back to support someone who is unwilling to help themselves feels fruitless. It would break my heart if I felt like my family resented me because of my conditions, and I am becoming the worst hypocrite because I feel resentful of my brother. I hate myself for that. I do not judge my brother, but I judge myself. 

I don't know what it's like to live with borderline personality. I understand that things look very different to my brother than they do to me, but that's as close as I can get. I can't predict what will upset him, and I desperately want to not upset him anymore. I want him to be healthy, I want him to be more independent, and I want to preserve my relationship with him (he really is my best friend), but most importantly, I want him to be happy. Any insight from people who can better understand what my brother is going through is desperately needed. I don't know what to do anymore, and I feel like I'm going to lose my best friend, either because I'll slip and say the wrong thing and he'll never speak to me again (he's cut me off for over a year in the past for something I can't even remember saying, and it broke my heart), or because his self destructive behavior will finally kill him. ",6.4858356643356645,6.236062476923081,7.043068181818183,76.4046022727273,65.4895104895105,10.338811188811187,33.88898601398601,9.948597397169383,3.2019097902097897,5762,229,1107,114,80,1898,447,1430,0.174,0.716,0.111,-0.9987,5,0,13,0,1,0,161.0,1,3,3,17,51,85,7,7,36,2,126,30,3,22,4,215,239,94,2,27,46,25,21,16,2,13,19,9,2,9,85,54,10,12,49,9,5,15,38,29,1,5,17,36,195,55,158,200,29,116,0,2,6,1,157,41,0,23,67,757,280,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030870569659099643,0.0,0.10128420394685626,0.0,0.0,0.034861691299849444,0.050526966417763435,0.026286421585914856,0.0,0.0,0.08593243799137905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939899893534418,0.1104465602447254,0.0323689330278784,0.1039875127425199,0.0,0.02953352150921865,0.0,0.029680986396401505,0.024291694313147757,0.05275468989093378,0.17331940291512207,0.13956005981520253,0.053763594296419207,0.035592481158599365,0.13261212440930073,0.11175944968094813,0.0,0.0350907181172788,0.11936408810722772,0.0,0.0645163252158993,0.0,0.064418698240005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629670157929584,0.0504460291278677,0.0,0.0,0.040747440376969486,0.0,0.0,0.09619325465584493,0.03278669354347561,0.0330060958106184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032328781163906146,0.0,0.21663154648017555,0.0,0.0,0.1055616256908916,0.10660759438615312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259709865868912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02839214701405772,0.030902270132955437,0.08934415782152692,0.0,0.3034958826057788,0.1805501623726883,0.03033252054843305,0.03460663184826581,0.02887379817199649,0.05374294265352908,0.0,0.0,0.04881458866203547,0.0,0.14854595354707129,0.0,0.16158613945569927,0.05299442458658693,0.0,0.0,0.034801284929626836,0.0,0.0,0.03362943578641553,0.02829952347840553,0.031189784446974823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487148372293348,0.04234985097869854,0.033377853108349974,0.031688564418888135,0.03137720460656098,0.031110983193295368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031349406266893635,0.05615944681234189,0.03495099875157432,0.0,0.19097876130741112,0.07725316990506195,0.035636266518095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892552376248624,0.2469419505141649,0.0,0.11158248643402097,0.0,0.05305732827102342,0.035342488846933244,0.0,0.0537154425332243,0.028512304926180176,0.02989237146120962,0.1265242878685885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031824825531708616,0.0,0.033513286779409686,0.06379624298094645,0.0,0.05043161280445251,0.06715292396865337,0.046446355889621885,0.07027345685876939,0.048730185064130335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060625245593300015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02140702486003219,0.024026542549779567,0.1344611203557407,0.0,0.0,0.06842041457186414,0.030157389322436588,0.04380274152956228,0.11033692157523972,0.0660121916212368,0.03467766738830179,0.0,0.0,0.060511302672000486,0.0,0.06812134582576848,0.03022852625263492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060714423773569635,0.0,0.09357754081152347,0.033917142210338314,0.03578668823723146,0.026978724984622712,0.03005047976494763,0.12561301066785371,0.0,0.0,0.10069643285450104,0.028759455638112993,0.09886958104797032,0.14275632339901131,0.0,0.026132579489133296,0.035509849261711766,0.0,0.0,0.08030140181499143,0.07296138210474512,0.031244519404165224,0.0,0.044720849129123004,0.033672031827732304,0.025228785094027244,0.13205835143674896,0.0,0.03302599708912367,0.0,0.0,0.1433973455627192,0.0,0.0,0.04750532418507234,0.050783643899902815,0.05522422866985573,0.0,0.07225461507111798,0.11003950646631028,0.08395119797838367,0.020242374964208974,0.06207641664827247,0.0,0.07368436602729132,0.0,0.0,0.030186759728711574,0.0,0.10724180636062726,0.0,0.0,0.2302129824545444,0.03800034190169648,0.02728466666039448,0.0,0.07819818258372438,0.09316658548774633,0.05015127200809937,0.0,0.0,0.02840429622275425,0.0,0.028506157823637912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03208241229002563,0.06438829396280557,0.11220746364095044,0.06908006862535251,0.0,0.061031120072523065
bpd,rollingwiththehermes,2019/03/06,"I think something is wrong with my friend \- always drama

\- never happy

\- always screaming, yelling and swearing during an argument (recipient can barely get a word in)

\- seems to thrive on misery and drama

\- won't make up with people

\- will do seriously messed up things, become borderline abusive and when you try to leave they will come back crying because you are trying to leave

\- EXTREMELY moody

\- walking on egg shells, you feel like nothing you say or do is right because no matter what every single thing you do or don't do becomes construed as you being the bad guy no matter what!

\- cannot admit fault

\- is very negative

\- seems happy when other people are unhappy

\- seems angry and sad when other people are happy, thriving, successful

\- constantly fights with you, when normally you can have a calm, rational adult discussion...

\- addicted to coke, weed

\- can never be alone

​

Advice?",7.864451612903223,9.185915735483867,7.431774193548389,69.38766129032261,62.61290322580646,9.55483870967742,32.274193548387096,9.642632912329526,3.3632451612903225,709,26,102,13,10,223,105,155,0.305,0.611,0.083,-0.9927,0,1,1,0,2,0,49.0,0,8,1,1,5,16,1,0,4,0,21,3,0,1,2,23,30,11,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,3,1,3,0,2,6,8,2,0,6,2,0,2,8,9,0,0,0,4,11,7,13,25,1,16,0,1,0,0,16,6,0,5,9,72,17,1,0.0,0.1471019784707326,0.0,0.13534599286174254,0.0,0.1213216789325152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858591779328726,0.0,0.0,0.2066118529815372,0.1345206153487652,0.1508604842572012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546662632828366,0.1036632562957204,0.15136603629243708,0.2742362864643755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694752518307114,0.0,0.13416617620851873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637714475027274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460495058734416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627759033134059,0.08869551595776916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592093567234464,0.0,0.06486524825703421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293180420550093,0.0,0.3964921596409701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629219443186785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065528666559913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287364092223297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151016427485304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164438618667628,0.1191289416149009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25821788533048873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602668647639343,0.0,0.09873210321857354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390749327010787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557967855181472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649645665694939,0.07955275666626525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858459229101833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024399064145799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574271545602515,0.1508604842572012,0.0
bpd,oshaaloctus,2019/03/06,"Weed and bpd Hi, 
A little background. I've always shown symptoms but my first psychotic break happened 4 years ago in college and I got diagnosed a year back. On olanzapine and fluoxetine.
Have been smoking daily since over 7 years, and I want to quit because honestly it's been a long time and I want to see what's different. Throughout good times and bad I've had weed. It's proving very difficult but I'm trying to wean off of it.
Anyone has any similar experience, advice, anything? I was just curious, if there's any correlation.

Thanks!",2.6619579288025896,5.470342825242717,4.254587378640778,79.84718851132686,81.9126213592233,7.705177993527508,28.00080906148868,8.59863814320734,2.7005216828478966,433,20,77,11,12,144,76,103,0.08,0.75,0.16899999999999998,0.8127,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,13,13,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,5,3,8,8,0,15,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,9,39,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833198839486097,0.16629547775594672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560976621995606,0.0,0.0,0.2551479408051221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117380618610006,0.0,0.15437825555677892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425229697984224,0.15663759586147094,0.1143588040119589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362747758473208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040936048886692,0.0,0.19600136053257816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835081320843757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957188544134368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734940871544328,0.15004031343137356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589345879173334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802380237795796,0.0,0.16601949446542774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953496848222615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494923691785907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518409579505812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498752359119534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271624875098224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878134381897066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273676236853923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547890856841269,0.22130187849601227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624234334675022
bpd,foulballs88,2019/03/06,"Curious? Hey all , I was just wondering for any of you long time sufferers if you’ve found that through your experiences be it psych wards , Therapy , day to day etc... if you’ve found that helping others in some way helps you ? For me just being able to have some one to talk with who can relate is a victory.  Although I can’t for the life of me heed this advice and help myself.  I’m currently in a bad way (fp abandonment ) I’ve just noticed being there for others helps me get by sometimes.  Anyone else experience this? Sorry for the ramble. Love you guys 💙",1.822060606060603,4.277083963636365,3.4322727272727285,86.78174242424242,82.0909090909091,6.9393939393939394,21.89393939393939,8.07648339933343,1.3053030303030295,436,14,87,9,12,144,77,110,0.098,0.757,0.14400000000000002,0.6668,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,1,14,14,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,10,1,15,8,4,9,0,2,0,1,13,2,0,5,5,58,18,1,0.16349577332257534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976617746184915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118273236831183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432004617322147,0.16752074080558313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651214150133642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088249625040756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657973929160208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823410054105344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198604773773878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35852935313183976,0.0,0.0,0.08541979352185497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188652035821424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438351082060528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548189984218435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468861447853415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756131872479722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614102157044127,0.0,0.0,0.11078896730724824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170150039212589,0.18302013263850936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141170948686445,0.0,0.0,0.18697166559229794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533570022257422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259550669523251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773041919055788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rottenflowerss,2019/03/06,"About reacting with violence I just had an argument with my bf/fp. He told me  that i was stupid and crazy. I slapped him and, later into the discussion, I spat him in the face. This isnt the first time that i respond to verbal violence with physical violence. Im wondering what i do what i do. I grew up in a violent enviroment, and when i had the opportunity to leave and live with my fp, i took it. And still managed to switch the atmosphere into a toxic one. 

Everyone reacts this wAy? I am doing something wrong? If im always going to be this way, is it worth it to stay alive?",1.7900152788388084,3.6989680168067234,4.4946371275783035,82.10664629488161,78.91596638655463,8.69702062643239,25.10389610389611,9.339509955726095,2.3174974789915965,450,17,94,13,11,160,73,119,0.23199999999999998,0.711,0.057999999999999996,-0.9721,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,0,8,0,10,2,2,2,0,16,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,0,2,5,0,16,1,15,8,0,16,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,5,70,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879393594469548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680688502896275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299587126470194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894905608392265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901687853869826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240247923813892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035150778817232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374920724687005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174674041684708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24183875310814365,0.18119779527375704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230368228720793,0.0,0.0,0.21680688502896275,0.2520875182143104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601957004340036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460568015895404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480729073085067,0.0,0.0
bpd,flippydog4829363,2019/03/06,"Seeing a video of someone close to you. Hello everyone,

I struggle with visualising people when they aren't there in front of me, and this can cause lots of problems because I then feel like I have nobody to reach out to. I just saw a video of one of my closest allys talking and it seemed to calm the anxiety around that person because I could remember what they looked and sounded like.

Is this something anyone else uses to make them feel better?",8.981511627906977,7.368002848837211,8.299651162790699,73.85203488372095,61.20930232558139,10.460465116279073,36.61627906976744,8.841846274778883,3.1088697674418606,359,13,65,4,4,113,65,86,0.076,0.795,0.128,0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,3,1,4,6,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,18,13,5,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,6,11,4,14,11,1,8,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,2,4,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630599594098678,0.0,0.0,0.14904016064462358,0.21839842579436292,0.0,0.18974961302125026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598697867604526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885147701419555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896482951642404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018375829092022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780603399510293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367494964709365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555113693050676,0.15227514297872535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082696594000847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899318709804515,0.0,0.0,0.1812133887762052,0.0,0.0,0.14227997192788386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444366586425682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477720904067871,0.18611526334737427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395675513842396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414585729061109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985377923632666,0.19404469812634967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060218142264195,0.16409408142197432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283174327499855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132272902365786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409405839302284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bush_baby420,2019/03/06,"High Functioning? I always think of myself as a ""mild"" or ""high-functioning"" BPD woman who also has mild psychosis..... but the more I look at other people with my diagnosis the more I realize how wrong what I'm experiencing is. 

I tell myself that because I can hold down a job and moderately control my self-destructive behaviors I'm high functioning. However.... I'm still dealing with really intense symptoms that make me feel distant from others. All of them worry me so much is starting to really break me down, especially since I lost 10 pounds due to relapse ED behaviors. 

I have been hallucinating for years. It used to be multiple times a day, but now I'm down to maybe once a week. However, my dissociation is still very heavy and occurs daily and so often that people start to notice. I'm also struggling to keep my mood swings in check, flashing back and forth and up and down so quickly people get mad at me for switching up more than once in one conversation. My relationship with my boyfriend also feels very rocky right now and I'm so afraid it's my fault. 

I don't know what I want from this post really, I guess I just feel stupid complaining to anyone else... everything is so intense, but it feels so petty and unimportant at the same time. 

",6.233879551820728,6.965591995798321,6.959344537815131,73.42781232492999,66.01680672268907,10.38028011204482,30.99271708683473,10.355215969177356,3.2041671708683466,997,36,181,24,15,330,140,238,0.157,0.828,0.016,-0.9883,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,2,18,9,2,2,7,0,10,1,0,4,1,34,32,23,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,11,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,8,0,1,2,6,25,0,29,29,6,30,0,1,1,0,8,14,0,3,14,120,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834880892884149,0.09832224859899676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262329749063117,0.12107339409623835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086113145305184,0.0,0.07203192283029221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882392805366373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253142481152155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620626393407509,0.1218223101061616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871119552894501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619854542967797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23898988881954736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173602310351159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017141101658253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745415358603021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725993613585226,0.10502995001845247,0.0,0.0,0.06494006519340054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922833739867876,0.0,0.1289904036053175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788756560427142,0.0,0.11871202440399754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686443180124366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345309551145642,0.0,0.25168246378839115,0.0800712570622699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24576095463836015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316883366797953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270974255015545,0.0,0.0,0.12686434619002354,0.0,0.1009117538555874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327124221282465,0.0,0.0,0.09774681459268636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672747441587085,0.0,0.1887324885023356,0.0,0.0,0.12353108944149754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281805824693652,0.0,0.0,0.10328089584614383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571497767240863,0.0,0.0,0.13780522637354378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205610412036986,0.0,0.19499601401575606,0.06969642596278147,0.0,0.09478435589310852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200016862898391,0.0,0.0,0.12919422406770467,0.0,0.07609400085684312
bpd,hurrahhurricane,2019/03/06,"Trying to feel better? Exercise? Understanding? I'm new to the subreddit and just needed somewhere to turn. My life has been chaotic and although things have been mildly better I feel like I am okay enough to see just how not okay I am... I am starting to realize that ~~maybe~~ I do have interpersonal issues and that I am just not okay...

I was recently thinking of jumping back into exercise (haven't for a year+) but the thought is overwhelming and I don't want to disappoint myself by failing. 

Does anyone else feel this way? Any advice? Anecdotes? ",3.0914705882352966,6.024757068627451,4.268137254901962,79.60161764705884,81.25490196078431,7.321568627450981,27.12745098039216,8.344100000000001,2.4868862745098044,439,19,74,10,12,143,67,102,0.078,0.8,0.122,0.3641,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,0,1,3,3,14,3,0,1,0,21,26,7,0,2,6,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,4,10,6,10,22,1,8,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992553597801704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866361260774673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257637187176458,0.2089266076847076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679173865226764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606779790739476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844021008103172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703379621617885,0.0,0.0,0.2106902265708613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093042062300093,0.14567105482346415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128257169413502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440253992848188,0.09961856012432918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485178213800487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511943045217171,0.0,0.19693445287364936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013333601943807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624873154153884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432627873893944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546661384841308,0.13065524060096692,0.0,0.1618792183232237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384393287576629,0.22179203924324573,0.0,0.21227416436522206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026951051341447,0.16185172249423393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313092903924084
bpd,Fathomlesssoul,2019/03/06,"Can relationships with someone who has BPD and has a traumatic past only work when the significant other also has dealt with some form of trauma? 
Just curious because so far all my relationships have all been short but with people who suffered in some way or the other be it an illness or being so heartbroken by an ex that it changed who they became. But I never came fully clean about my past. I'm also wondering if that's something that is necessary to form a lasting connection with someone. To have them know the whole you and still not run the other way. To be able to share these deep past hurts to one another, would it give better insight to what makes us who we are leading to better understanding of each other and better ability to trust?",8.645334665334666,7.544924622377624,8.550569430569434,70.14475524475527,61.51748251748252,11.528071928071927,35.81318681318681,10.608840637214634,3.7359018981018974,603,22,106,12,7,196,95,143,0.157,0.701,0.141,-0.6965,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,2,1,2,5,8,8,0,0,8,0,13,1,0,2,3,29,20,13,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,16,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,2,0,8,5,17,14,8,16,0,2,0,0,14,4,0,6,7,88,24,2,0.1457159776389153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330580293442157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279590776454444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882710748187637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38662182221490204,0.0,0.0,0.18352417280659444,0.0,0.0,0.16666025923954395,0.0,0.0,0.15414818309284853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139784043534999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599196783199207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800816905083144,0.118777970228177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726654657708604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238514506020747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987409176072712,0.11082356720782603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173071662886788,0.10102111154218096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128888546037853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469293499744651,0.11217927862499548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636896797143953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169547167207098,0.1752783795645064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313251210586084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268668521628532,0.0,0.0,0.15802276192195513,0.106082967190048,0.0,0.0,0.10351244971904333,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LordFall,2019/03/06,"How can I help my girlfriend with BPD through her lows? I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now. Things moved fast at the start(as expected) and she's been living with me for most of this time. She told me from the get go that she had BPD(she's 21 now and was diagnosed at 18) and I knew a bit about it beforehand so I thought I could handle it.

8 months later, I don't regret that decision but things aren't always easy. We've been through some up and downs but always figure it out. I've had tough times and was unemployed for months on end and she was cheering me up and supporting me through it. 

Now that things have reversed and I got back on my feet and she's the one struggling, things are much harder. She has a hard time when feeling down and tends to close down on herself through it. She has told me before that she feels like a burden and that I drag her down when I feel the complete opposite especially since she's helped me out through my hard times. 

She's the most wonderful person I've ever met when she's in a good mood and I wish she could always be even though I know that's unrealistic. She's been putting a lot of effort into getting professional help but it keeps dragging on and she's been put on wait lists and denied help for months on end and that depresses her even more. 

I would just like to know how to act when she's feeling down and withdraws. She's told me that she feels alone and it breaks my heart. I don't know if I should double down on love/affection/support or give her more space until she feels better. 

I would love any of the advice/insight that you guys can give. ",4.320854160944799,4.988226123867072,4.359298269706127,90.60615970887122,70.23867069486407,7.589178797033782,25.921587475968145,7.520522993642371,1.0055244712990938,1281,36,284,13,22,395,155,331,0.087,0.764,0.149,0.9762,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,17,14,0,1,11,0,25,4,2,2,1,61,53,31,0,9,6,0,8,2,2,3,1,0,0,2,21,24,0,2,14,0,0,5,3,6,0,1,17,8,50,7,42,30,9,52,0,3,0,1,39,24,0,7,24,196,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531469473629424,0.0,0.0,0.2297274775550506,0.0,0.0,0.0625831418811719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076492124598152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831023367990843,0.0,0.0,0.08139251788301582,0.10047225985588966,0.0,0.2318155933084939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649106580687036,0.0,0.0,0.146955960847651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926477984287933,0.09340789492853116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302144977711655,0.0,0.0,0.12156908995877196,0.08324585317951427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27919695237847114,0.06574581550666675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616311712379312,0.17656595581702994,0.0523024238729468,0.07718988708655418,0.07360431123795022,0.0,0.0,0.09112356619070536,0.0,0.0,0.16488051631411055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905527175096036,0.24674144426925446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179995144970786,0.0,0.0,0.15173083998500686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992182397403722,0.0,0.08126363854188381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824009744967235,0.16612023736446385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938279283782463,0.09781267858098944,0.06765219161581855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236149725921065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803565147117985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502991381559114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612766345828591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513887680866606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620910147123488,0.0,0.0,0.20886772521536998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445609530921315,0.0,0.09041840965720822,0.07306105688010557,0.21465231250498454,0.0,0.0,0.2638140815543015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582925816355897,0.0,0.0998019491137808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075007820208767,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,girl7green,2019/03/06,"Falling for love you too fast? Did anyone else believed that love at first sight was possible when your new fp said they love you after only two or three dates? If not, do you secretly wish they did?",4.0307692307692315,5.593420794871792,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,71.8205128205128,7.2512820512820495,23.256410256410252,7.793537801064563,0.93808717948718,157,4,32,2,3,48,33,39,0.031,0.6609999999999999,0.308,0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,2,6,3,3,5,0,8,0,0,1,3,11,1,0,2,6,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703056808495434,0.2447609622232927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691361475767555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995537283828968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319134932961366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6467960358401597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307119553341613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167913252865053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26930149762594396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22722974329136425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23335121401921485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27470040472719864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RareMoth,2019/03/06,How did you get diagnosed? I just started therapy and im curious about people’s diagnosis stories ,2.015000000000001,4.083574388888891,5.831666666666668,61.26750000000001,110.66666666666669,10.68888888888889,37.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,6.5024,81,6,11,4,4,30,17,18,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652478407419146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394855522388557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4951309629127747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177841989251181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244449712390283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.524199494534411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,G0ldenCanary,2019/03/06,"Dont know how to be happy anymore I just dont know how to be happy anymore, its like its not a part of me. I have friends, a boyfriend, a career and i feel like im supposed to be happy but I’m not. I want to se my friends but almost every time im with them I’d rather be alone and eating or something like that, i enjoy my time with them but I’m not entirely there and i get bored within the few hours of being with them, without giving them a chance, it’s almost like I’m going there knowing i will get bored so it happens. I love my boyfriend and sometimes i know he loves me and supports me but lately I can’t be myself around him cause i think he will get bored or dump me couse I’m not enough so i force myself to be happy or energized when actually I’m saad and tired on the inside.  Also, i am a singer, and my dream is to be a theater performer, but everytime I want to audition get so scared that i end up doing nothing. 
My father doesn’t really like to see me or talk to me, and everytime i try to talk or start building a relationship with him he makes me feel horrible about myself and screams at me and i get so disappointed on myself for trying! My mom also has depression so my relationship with her is super intense and has a lots of ups and downs, i know she does love me but sometimes she can be sooo mean to me, making me feel like im the worst. 
I don’t know what to do and sorry but i really needed to say something to someone who maybe understands what I’m going through. 
Thanks!",1.197864583333331,3.0154663906250043,3.283125000000002,90.52270833333336,80.40625,6.0166666666666675,21.604166666666664,7.0316486544052195,0.5269666666666671,1175,35,259,14,30,399,142,320,0.149,0.64,0.21100000000000002,0.9768,0,1,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,4,2,17,29,1,1,11,0,25,5,0,5,0,61,64,35,0,4,19,2,3,6,2,2,1,2,0,0,9,19,1,0,12,1,1,2,10,9,0,0,0,6,51,20,34,53,5,17,0,2,1,3,26,8,0,8,13,179,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.08299251658892554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032233968455646,0.08808188926022756,0.0,0.1360223284019994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686853325361411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570886919581853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736555175207189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324989687763503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442422783565775,0.0,0.1993462896930514,0.0,0.0,0.08702317296984552,0.0,0.0,0.07532541192120071,0.08787513429812406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165482684128745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129005265710772,0.1215135957116264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141248090963098,0.0,0.22216482612808802,0.08158376318798524,0.09666707364198593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520579600316459,0.36213170770573616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375306638911463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275592452048476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804339683801477,0.0,0.09593546359516547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492947440037124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230297089381824,0.23027169722206114,0.0,0.1135375784156834,0.0,0.0854400232966328,0.09263990176410647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960471365856492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306044675730987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160382118888293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920964067320609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896514442056107,0.0,0.0,0.18261490777210085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763190193274607,0.08514576812685104,0.0,0.06777056010743142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205910311013394,0.13094495581177226,0.16822511147876382,0.09520190641802677,0.06019591574489683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650906344166474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671332315676638,0.0,0.07829882543051461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054493969660724464,0.0,0.0,0.09918187993900347,0.09774773504803128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548114788922308,0.0,0.0,0.08853576649101083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032453389366283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198119910554072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lemminfucker,2019/03/06,"Is this an fp or a romantic interest? So for the past few months (maybe since early November) I've been talking to this guy I really like. He's sweet and cares about what I say, I even call him my husband (which started as a joke, but now I can't stop calling him that) I just want to spend my life with him. I sometimes cry at night because I just love him so much. The past 2 years I've bounced in and out of relationships and I don't know if I'm ready to try again. Is he just and fp I look up to? Or someone I'm actually romantically interested in? ",0.4685014005602213,2.3633041344537844,2.9531302521008413,91.55277661064429,83.28571428571428,6.655742296918768,22.521708683473392,7.793537801064563,0.8884448179271698,428,15,103,8,12,148,82,119,0.034,0.706,0.26,0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,16,13,11,0,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,15,7,14,12,2,15,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,3,11,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.19110679541299355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193792513920686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999390391133396,0.0,0.19966692297510646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151156474206861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934722803394394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939075253311935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076258423144587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832411351725296,0.09567513152185694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445215079767736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674881197779155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674266696968468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563136981101504,0.0,0.14396132205801618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837779629668076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738934995885306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254569714102765,0.0,0.0,0.21025359425974108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573592146954654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199680771435662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659304337512976,0.0,0.19368590858582355,0.0,0.13861308257391558,0.0,0.0,0.16372690169119974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740482487210766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295916915639305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155086082561241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611137535672126
bpd,mazzy-gb,2019/03/06,"Having a bad episode and not sure if I should see my boyfriend for comfort I’ve been having a series of bad mental instability lately. I had a bad episode the other day and my boyfriend came home to me hiding in the bathroom, crying. The mental instability has worsened since then, crying and extreme self-loathing, crippling anxiety and anxiety attacks. I’ve been at school for the past couple of days since being with my boyfriend so i haven’t seen him since.

I’m conflicted because I don’t know if I should go and see my boyfriend or deal with this myself.

He has always been very supportive and understanding and caring when I get like this. He says he accepts me for all that I am and loves me no matter what. He’s truly an angel, but I can’t help feel terrible about him putting up with me. He says he doesn’t mind at all but I’m paranoid about him getting tired of me going through this or getting too freaked out by how unstable I am. 

I’ve been on the other end, dated people who had severe anxiety, depression, bipolar diagnoses, etc. I know how much it can be, and I just feel so guilty for putting him through that. 

I’m alone right now, but I have the ability to go see him if I want to. He texted me saying he would much rather be there for me and be with me instead of me being alone when I’m like this. But, 1) He only gets two days off a week, and today he’s hanging with his friends, and I don’t wanna take him away from that. 2) I feel like I need to deal with my problems myself instead of going to him to feel better because even if he makes me feel better, I wouldn’t actually “be” better 3) I wanna go there and have fun and be happy, but I might not be stable enough to do that, and I’m afraid of ruining my opportunity to hang out with him

I miss him and I wanna be with him and I hate being alone. I feel like being alone is making things worse. On the other hand, I don’t know if I need to be alone so that I can process my emotions and the bad episode I’ve been having the past couple of days.

TL;DR: Should I be with my caring boyfriend during a mentally unstable episode or should I deal with this on my own first?

(Also, I have not been officially diagnosed with BPD. My parents don’t have positive feelings towards mental illness let alone being medicated for one, and I can’t afford to go to a psychiatrist on my own. But all the BPD symptoms are the closest to what I experience.)",3.5253455284552864,4.657358323170733,4.753821138211382,85.32186991869919,72.47560975609754,7.417886178861789,26.8780487804878,7.793537801064563,1.4488268292682922,1893,65,394,24,36,626,199,492,0.183,0.682,0.136,-0.9622,2,6,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,5,19,31,2,1,18,0,54,9,1,4,4,89,97,42,0,19,19,1,8,4,1,7,7,3,1,0,18,33,0,1,12,0,0,11,13,13,0,3,10,15,65,18,58,65,9,42,1,3,4,1,33,15,0,9,20,280,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.06409011016836247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081219525721992,0.0,0.05252091616778737,0.05464752952117016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507254292765563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471570751599163,0.06170457911182248,0.0,0.2193462098880543,0.08007072021693389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742547327832713,0.0,0.0,0.16543275032162105,0.0,0.0,0.07511562273697772,0.13392171704620046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533805434653516,0.14428357204500547,0.16942183960906468,0.20312660814995465,0.056566473143137126,0.13331911576125807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387643898653133,0.05816926810906262,0.06786066105360081,0.07324588128958914,0.04337824867374723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424353782207984,0.0,0.0,0.2324536163848081,0.09383761399459954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586380473306767,0.0,0.0,0.050740962710606234,0.0,0.1372515862133453,0.0,0.22395043507554502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699131138451791,0.0,0.06484125885123478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402110656278283,0.0,0.06587818558356362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082811117625095,0.0,0.07408516675451117,0.0,0.0,0.06715795854195822,0.0,0.12834352030982715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592749766291861,0.0,0.0876782173620848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616146237577007,0.26474305043426105,0.06967164863590898,0.06631383926196131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655854435466137,0.09739555193778636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044503624016510215,0.0499494078716395,0.0,0.0,0.07292520735288183,0.0,0.1253899712361262,0.04553133265061022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284287404328495,0.0,0.13204464418211412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608677716828109,0.0,0.15668410444408595,0.0,0.06646741919933714,0.1570053364559556,0.0,0.06851418619819266,0.0741949638502847,0.0,0.16298310948439834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745281232868065,0.0618986673652626,0.06826230644048496,0.049380030624015185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363208543683615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548467458778305,0.06225298225448125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415571675272011,0.06837082741272686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541894158457299,0.038737290385362624,0.0,0.052681167900655586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692925439945803,0.0466542063306184,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,galaxyfae,2019/03/06,"It’s getting bad Sorry if this post is a mess. I feel like my friends are sick of me venting to them so I guess I’ll just put this here. I’m really not doing so well. Probably the worst it’s been in years. 


I quit my job, sold most of my shit on Craigslist and gave my snake to my friend because I was planning on killing myself. Nobody in my life knows this of course. They know I have suicidal thoughts and they know about my BPD diagnosis but I don’t think they realize how bad it really is. 


I’m addicted to Xanax, have been on and off for several years and I’m up to a whole bar or more a day now. I’ve tried to taper off and quit so many times but fail every time. 


After thinking on it for a few days, I don’t know if I want to kill myself really. I just want to feel balanced. I want to feel normal. I want to feel genuine happiness. I think I might try going back on medication. I haven’t had professional help for years. I know that’s what I need to do. but I can’t get out of bed.  


I have so much support. I have a lot of great understanding friends, a supportive loving mother. I’m a beautiful person. It doesn’t make sense why I feel so fucking ALONE. Most of my thoughts are so irrational and I know it. I know deep down that I have so much potential to succeed and live the life I dream of. If only I had the motivation. If only I didn’t have a broken brain. 


I’m probably not going to kill myself. I’m probably going to ride it out for a bit and see how it goes. I don’t know what to do. I just wish I had someone to take care of me like a baby and tell me what the fuck to do. ",0.1818114450391093,2.006176913544671,2.66100946891725,93.64289337175795,83.89913544668588,6.271189790037052,19.712556607657472,7.447530270364453,0.3793832688349119,1227,34,296,20,35,423,158,347,0.152,0.6629999999999999,0.185,0.8564,1,1,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,4,6,17,24,6,0,14,0,28,12,2,4,0,60,76,26,4,11,13,1,5,2,3,1,6,0,1,1,16,11,1,0,21,2,1,5,9,11,1,0,11,6,47,13,43,64,10,30,0,1,1,3,13,14,3,10,12,192,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170048447414324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871203550905407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468116048591302,0.14046918750221585,0.05127724348339648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183451701347284,0.0,0.1059430387960426,0.09390294243054954,0.0,0.0,0.08576339108837243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849764929679837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087261650259524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212661661620884,0.060093554393737515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949669011926864,0.15553053517396515,0.0878958374006941,0.0,0.1434177306819413,0.0,0.0,0.09273983389933384,0.09266490293477984,0.0,0.0,0.08954463633170863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056382182988057424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347363307587585,0.0,0.2791906316106507,0.0,0.3698301979354374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882934707229025,0.08219111708516184,0.0,0.07427728814854431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151368517721778,0.075919322340368,0.0,0.056149080309071085,0.08528193597254942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473952541624455,0.0,0.08923536796756829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236720732837666,0.06237205581994324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824172841103083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795028906178693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344815104217503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056130685830591,0.0,0.2720786564991535,0.0,0.0,0.08456131469856276,0.0,0.1789386178128446,0.0,0.0,0.16166346148125532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703075184730664,0.0,0.0,0.09502882492589958,0.08634539860717264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127247954359485,0.0,0.0,0.09416264753281124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920108854193004,0.190911070303072,0.0,0.0,0.06324588680269426,0.0,0.07352239722884191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169728057635446,0.0,0.13355978815848346,0.0980991742048726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422051337533227,0.0,0.0,0.08756927763120657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845870906076232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756317290506572,0.0,0.07590295453493895,0.09391417784311178,0.09673096657012094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250672436254454
bpd,jayellteee,2019/03/06,"Relapsed tonight. Hadn't self-harmed since May 2015. I didn't know what else to do tonight. It feels like I could disappear and none of the people I care about would notice.

I'm doing DBT training and therapy every week. I just wish I would let it help me.",1.1998717948717932,3.6262387307692334,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,84.76923076923076,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.04791282051282053,202,6,44,2,6,62,42,52,0.037000000000000005,0.745,0.218,0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,14,2,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,3,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656716800718097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080464473439043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176754204495433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195441068547289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175360771699432,0.18615350156595475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465668148684313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320418184834127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664536875655477,0.0,0.12730287297346746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29666424422399434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064860439361055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271834611405814,0.0,0.0,0.2155487921106932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979880920189847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901605345283836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996462485627885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370207361484062,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,onlysaysNOO,2019/03/06,"I'm terrified I'll do it again I've always been impulsive and prone to Making terrible decisions that I regret later on. I can't control my impulses when it comes to certain things. 

And one of them is sex, as it is for a lot of us. And because I'm this way, I've made a lot of rash decisions that ruined a lot of things. And people. 

And I don't ever want to do that again. I never want to hurt the people I love, and I never meant to, and I'm scared I'll do it again. I just can't fix the way I am and how I react to situations. But I really want to. I want that impulse control, and I want to protect my loved ones from myself, and I want to resist what my body and brain want to do.  

I'm just. Scared. I don't want to be the same as I was, and I don't want to hurt him. My brain just shuts off and goes into ""do the thing"" mode and it doesn't hit me until later. It's like I lose all control. 

I just don't know how to deal with myself sometimes. 

What do I do?",-0.1431651376146803,1.2550913348623922,2.734394495412843,94.87241743119266,82.89908256880733,5.827889908256882,17.78073394495413,6.742157984588678,-0.2249970642201835,733,15,185,8,20,260,95,218,0.166,0.736,0.098,-0.7466,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,0,1,4,11,12,0,2,7,0,20,7,4,8,5,53,41,21,0,10,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,17,0,4,4,0,0,1,9,8,0,2,4,0,29,4,26,35,5,17,0,5,0,3,6,4,0,3,11,133,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888874475411661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651208377945437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866087880279627,0.0,0.2385088537152055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202212874913776,0.0,0.0,0.3594471900256441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013409866720572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663127119836122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287213424463127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058709406686115725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521903483909803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951225311601978,0.0,0.2724618627768245,0.19283134348669195,0.10108243026637227,0.07130795071509234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478336421064418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477768018055662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812098705128088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684362063770331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139052222853992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200781900634498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565478078499847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291363065089328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849990558163304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5670847763716393,0.1695888351349771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pixelpreset,2019/03/06,"Hyperventilating into a pool of (your) saliva & loss of motor function anyone? Kinda bummed this is my first ever post but has anyone here ever been caught in such a fit of rage during an argument and been pushed so far over the edge that they just sort of crumbled to the floor (overcome with a bout of sudden weakness), and hyperventilated until the contact their head was making with the floor was all wet and squishy?
Loss of consciousness during the time spent hyperventilating to the slow realisation that there is a lot of wet where your temple is, is optional.
Asking for a friend",12.853878504672899,9.195271747663556,11.60511682242991,59.504310747663574,55.82242990654206,13.316822429906544,38.899532710280376,10.686352973137794,3.9944224299065416,475,13,80,7,4,152,74,107,0.11199999999999999,0.823,0.065,-0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,2,3,9,5,1,0,12,0,9,2,1,1,3,17,13,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,4,0,1,6,2,5,1,16,7,2,18,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,4,7,60,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117964189304333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024280384131514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690241575213538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206051137197987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24477524404888684,0.0,0.0,0.22232877961160805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953329049196568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446499932098628,0.0,0.0,0.1920873198229541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756021190492508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779978715710858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,watcher771,2019/07/16,Over this shit sinking feeling in my chest 6 months self harm free but doesn’t seem fucking worth it. Constantly feeling like a piece of shit and nothing seems to solve it.,6.6590909090909065,7.172672636363636,5.1480303030303025,87.54204545454546,65.06060606060606,7.8121212121212125,34.68181818181819,7.1686216300943375,2.152890909090909,139,6,27,1,2,40,30,33,0.26,0.48200000000000004,0.257,-0.2843,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,3,4,6,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891244725355399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705607396192322,0.1911364323874152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473439283161712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307104984227003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355435906148312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25671963963998273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871315251858959,0.27911104215849497,0.0,0.5492686065700304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,monkey_with_antenna,2019/07/16,"The real reason I don't want children. I love the idea of having a little one running about the place causing chaos, I love kids to bits. But I'm absolutely terrified to have them, I know what this shit illness and depression has done to me and even the small risk of that happening to one more person in this universe rips my heart out.

I don't want another person to suffer, and especially the way this world is going how can I put another human being into what I genuinely believe is becoming the equivalent of what religious people might call ""hell.""

It's not for me, and tbh I'll probs have ended my life by the time I would want children so that's another factor. I genuinely feel that's the way I'm headed.",9.243333333333332,6.468433239436622,9.594929577464793,68.42460093896715,61.67605633802818,13.128638497652586,37.75117370892017,11.538034831475384,4.216292018779344,568,20,107,13,6,192,90,142,0.23600000000000002,0.764,0.0,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,1,9,0,13,7,3,3,0,20,24,7,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,2,1,1,14,2,14,20,2,14,1,2,0,2,10,7,2,1,2,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572173857354592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052096409381966,0.0,0.16375285013877924,0.0,0.0,0.15867794017008607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484124145140047,0.0,0.0,0.1493082645663428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518452368388885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873731430840315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873159164169842,0.0,0.0,0.0959983024701471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349026382792236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260231130429216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852716730306246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491648155218535,0.0,0.0,0.17223327026735502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407561842433085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987722907673298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266072408493747,0.0,0.1456728124255251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623571632942991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541869532273587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969776323376676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100763188402013,0.2538174467659882,0.15185348379784253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611080529202145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543322505979588,0.0,0.14943777867565008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491934671158679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475122100839243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571828669656654,0.2307345108315743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324816579194694,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PsychedelicArgus,2019/07/16,"I can't work or do anything, I'm scared of my life I can't get a normal job, 8h of working makes me feel very depressed. My bones and mind hurt. I can't leave my house because I have no money and can't have a normal life, like other people. Is there anyone who can't work like me?",0.043333333333333,1.6341799206349243,2.178015873015873,98.14892857142858,83.12698412698413,4.2,16.849206349206348,3.1291,-1.0468603174603175,217,4,53,0,6,73,40,63,0.19399999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.099,-0.7873,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,1,2,0,9,3,1,1,0,8,13,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,1,9,2,2,13,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,29,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471457143555698,0.0,0.17317557030129144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828329373407651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812531090031872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064056355233767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994709115874067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428214421121297,0.2252821688878137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088308938523662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282735175151555,0.0,0.0,0.297282361514598,0.20562234822122888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047145425278446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248610472414384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41237632712105377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458937625313605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106888316476017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363642368601098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596121440631154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,The-She-Creature,2019/07/16,"First day at work went well, now I'm in hysterics. So, finished my first 4 hours shift in a department store with broke AC, managed the whole shift just doing my thing and getting on with it. Felt really really proud of myself for finally getting to this point after years of closed doors.

Then at the end of the shift, I had lost my locker key. The only key to my locker with all my belongings. All the other girls had to stay behind to help me look for it, couldn't help but splash a few tears. I apologised for crying and making them stay behind and everyone was like ""No, it's understandable!"" and I even got a hug. We finally found my key after 30mins and I was so flustered and desperate to get out that I wasn't really paying attention and now that I am home, I've realised I forgot my phone, not sure where it is at my new job.

​

This may be ridiculous, my family think so, but I can't stop crying now. I feel like an absolute moron, I went from feeling really good about myself to doing the same old shit. I'm being really hard on myself but I can't help it. Not sure what to do now, I'm just sobbing to myself about how I'm an idiot. Just feel so shitty, like I'll never do anything completely correct, always end up failing in some aspect.",3.8653333333333366,4.846105984313726,5.251862745098041,82.64171568627452,71.50980392156862,8.490196078431373,23.970588235294123,8.841846274778883,1.5920588235294115,986,25,198,18,18,331,141,255,0.20800000000000002,0.672,0.12,-0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,1,6,17,17,4,0,11,0,17,2,1,2,6,43,38,16,0,1,8,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,12,13,0,2,8,0,2,3,8,8,1,2,12,6,27,9,34,22,6,39,0,4,1,1,7,13,2,2,24,139,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938995394129472,0.12227201528388625,0.13712407863290604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286524146417742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832019486513065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479190016198685,0.07277837097659863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990171673957347,0.0,0.0,0.07453580439399768,0.0,0.0,0.10783220628303976,0.0,0.0,0.10638414261724577,0.0,0.17117977470210086,0.08061946085128488,0.1083528885596884,0.2472414726032397,0.0,0.19197887188139995,0.0,0.12373327674026212,0.0,0.0,0.17687708175540914,0.0,0.0,0.09465251943613856,0.09025578042654292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109067951843402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269212350629092,0.0,0.1131969063900846,0.0,0.11113368866075364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198537616500846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653971947495864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476487073082998,0.0,0.1231881863954143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532768909213576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703622739356337,0.10899041977115564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841620779635673,0.0,0.0,0.08582686965344738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667893015346068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614703006409145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583803875353688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405643742255396,0.0,0.09434694893722843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127179913456745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497196601647117,0.07230918364262565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747995306631542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014649454642654,0.20922459965966125,0.0,0.12599205456205098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215553087546014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712407863290604,0.07267115769175854
bpd,katiecat007,2019/07/16,"When does DBT actually start working? I just started a new DBT group, and I can't help but sit in some sessions (it meets once a week) and feel like its not helping; like I'm wasting my time. For those who have done or are in DBT groups: when did you start feeling like it was working?",3.5875423728813587,4.217805338983055,3.9625000000000017,92.92476694915257,71.88135593220339,6.5779661016949165,28.309322033898304,5.985473137389443,0.8511999999999995,221,8,51,1,4,69,46,59,0.115,0.7040000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.6541,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,4,3,3,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,11,29,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.2212491366798752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840699901011152,0.2320165488448578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292761230271765,0.3239421968516643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039355618869376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322965079059422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189706780697884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414528071306852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814275408533682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220412039969234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818636742344269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301143777729337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AestheticCannibal,2019/07/16,"I'm at my wits end I don't know what to do
I've thought I've gotten better, I've worked on my coping mechanisms over these last 5 years and I've done really, really good. I think because I haven't been so bad in so long that I forgot what it's like, or maybe this is just so much worse.
I feel so sick and I feel like I'm going to do something so stupid, like I WANT to do something so stupid. I don't know what I want, but I don't want to be here. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I can't get professional help, I've been alone for so long and that's why I was so proud that I was able to better myself, to better my thought processes. But the days that it's bad, the days that I want to die, I REALLY want to die. I fantasize about it. I can't stop fantasizing about it. Sometimes it keeps me up at night, even when I'm feeling out. But when I'm bad, I think 100 images per second. What would be the quickest? What would be the messiest? Who do I want to see me like that? It would be so validating, but I'd be dead and it wouldn't matter, but I can't /stop/. I feel so alone all over again. I'm being pushed into a corner. I don't know what to do and I feel just as scared as I did before. I want to ruin everything around me and then myself. 
I think something bad is going to happen soon, or maybe I've been afraid of it for so long that it just creeps up in the back of my mind. I'm afraid it will push me over the edge, if it ever does happen. I think she's tired of me. Maybe she'd find someone better who can handle things better. Someone more attractive than me. I've worked so hard for her. I've worked really hard for myself. I can't say how I'm really feeling, not like this because it would be manipulative. I want to die, especially when things blow up like this and I can't say it because I want to be better, I don't want her to feel like she's trapped. She knows what I have. She knows what I've been through. But I still want to be better for her. But I've gotten worse, especially in arguments. If she ever left, I think that would be my breaking point.",0.14579805491990785,1.9616200767543888,2.2756483600305124,96.40352402745998,83.97807017543859,5.456445461479786,16.93058733790999,6.601985625127523,-0.4185479023646077,1609,32,395,17,46,541,154,456,0.215,0.645,0.14,-0.9888,0,3,3,0,0,4,55.0,0,0,0,11,32,28,2,3,7,0,47,2,0,2,3,75,96,37,4,20,15,0,10,8,0,7,2,2,0,0,38,10,0,4,21,0,0,4,14,10,0,1,13,13,59,18,46,65,3,44,0,1,1,0,14,18,0,4,29,247,97,4,0.06032318621894003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495325680345425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982439140551552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053700424993017436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046384806674297306,0.20146936316657296,0.11031736325848218,0.0,0.051330588459714686,0.0,0.0,0.37345669269244813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780692939706556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781783047719566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052789226770972766,0.061731563264890064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342843811971755,0.0,0.0,0.03984289557609103,0.10913155100523704,0.0,0.0,0.05421459011208184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440097236899238,0.17237958515181312,0.0,0.0,0.055134299357449255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03151637505170154,0.0,0.0685661137531911,0.05059622658626182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668718870605363,0.0,0.1080754523417581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040433360164363184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361801959437732,0.0,0.0,0.16576022779160388,0.04917144799684968,0.0,0.0,0.06554131833013907,0.0,0.0,0.2357668939579448,0.0,0.0,0.16015236463138352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180824563270195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090922187375088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434448274568605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660922386177225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702490915380426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193222888776578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594283775341694,0.060394032870079585,0.0,0.048069769347247146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222327985433917,0.13931920762671554,0.05966117363040933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048174174437081774,0.1008657695450188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015208898366853,0.19326330992796856,0.0,0.09577974338510213,0.0,0.06933262865949738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269621378215195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054432292891187485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174799403920615,0.0,0.1229489606221522,0.21425930366585014,0.0,0.0,0.03884615415164885
bpd,jabmet,2019/07/16,"Is this BPD ? Hi, I am 29M currenty taking medication for Major depression disorder. I started with 50mg then increased to 75mg then to 100mg then to 150mg of Zoloft. I am truly soul searching to find what cause my depression, or try to identify the triggers, i had a bad childhood, my parents fought every day, my father was abusive towards my mom and occasionally me. 

I am not living with them anymore, but i have a old coworker who is 45M loving caring father, and it makes me so badly wanting to be friends with him. I don't have lot of friends, but when i like someone i get obssesed with them and expect more from them.  When they don't meet my standards i get super frustrated, sad or sometimes angy with them to a point i scold them directly to face to even very little things. So I looked online and found out about BPD

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237

I think i have symptoms very similar to BPD. I am super anxious about friends abandoning me very had to maintain stable relationships, frienships get mad or frustrated by the little short comings from friends super sensitive to what they talk think about me, hate being alone, 

But i have not done any self harm, and even i get angry it never get physical.  I am going to talk on this with my doctor today but what do you think ?",9.045708502024294,8.827541991902834,8.492874493927125,68.01396761133606,60.25506072874494,10.514979757085023,35.19433198380567,9.851270322608157,3.336658299595141,1100,40,187,18,13,349,138,247,0.20800000000000002,0.62,0.172,-0.8358,2,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,7,3,9,22,5,0,5,0,20,6,1,3,1,36,40,19,0,2,9,4,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,9,13,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,12,0,0,6,1,37,10,31,32,4,21,1,4,1,1,26,7,0,4,12,128,46,1,0.0,0.12585471559187786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001309622912077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223403725042203,0.0,0.0,0.11999968606932795,0.10534285695163452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738047814253655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013455308955689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829956084241528,0.10911840030605273,0.0,0.0915001314400988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685038664059467,0.0,0.18297627404799868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217386619939515,0.10872186722405172,0.0,0.10870113486544464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031616036879935,0.0,0.08949591597975651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708422390745627,0.0,0.0,0.11646602893200805,0.32826484602997,0.0,0.2774808828560325,0.0,0.060367938086253466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104871413135116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189429762810166,0.2129230328424857,0.09379523809598402,0.0,0.08919902929139438,0.0,0.0,0.09030543919298756,0.09586875197651018,0.0,0.07090345498246442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700665251351282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244049490834617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192431369154178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146124831220518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794603750390376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041333821434116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404178310850326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108118450150987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000085160774197,0.0,0.1050554519930378,0.0,0.07518388998081615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040446572297946,0.07986509953603657,0.17075310376022432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056862465133934,0.20418670779689108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068524788948363,0.0,0.0,0.07211720106191558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629307658760818,0.0626519974428436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alphynynya,2019/07/16,"I fucked up. Yesterday my fp went nc and called the cops on me. I've known this guy for 8 months. We clicked right away, liked all the same things without me even adapting them. It was perfect and he was the kindest, most caring man I've ever met. He was trying to help me with my bpd and was asking questions trying to understand it. To understand me. He made me feel like I could love someone, like this could work out. He gave my life some more meaning to it.

But he suddenly lost interest, I've ""become too much work"" and when I wrote him that we can't be friends like that and that he wouldn't want to be around when I'll commit suicide anyways, he just blocked me everywhere and called the cops on me. Like he himself even said something along the lines like that once before. And now he called the fucking cops because I was a ""threat to myself"".  I keep changing from being angry at him or at myself to being sad  and lonely and it's driving me insane. I don't even know how to keep myself busy without him. How do I get over this?",2.5344760400210617,4.274969085308058,3.2423301737756742,92.69523828330702,76.1563981042654,5.826329647182728,23.57056345444971,6.42735559955562,0.4908323328067406,811,25,173,6,18,255,120,211,0.135,0.7190000000000001,0.146,0.3647,0,2,1,0,0,2,24.0,2,0,1,4,13,17,3,0,7,0,15,4,0,3,4,45,36,15,1,4,5,0,1,6,1,1,1,1,0,2,12,15,0,3,7,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,12,3,28,11,23,17,6,19,0,3,1,3,30,10,2,4,13,114,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656375221234836,0.11190898560299256,0.0,0.11246776237912276,0.0,0.0,0.07297168917207579,0.1322059132005071,0.10186102084380738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507655632751247,0.0,0.3666997435857967,0.0,0.12204828285807365,0.0,0.12663311484488698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115106018212336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371941256784341,0.10828096389724562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605269691442798,0.08551801685449302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248458735424699,0.22133260484557998,0.06254146372356753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185277969294952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023643340305205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280045194856498,0.0,0.0,0.06578730743134235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455191416332274,0.3508939389801331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067328023776492,0.0,0.1080393721587198,0.11326874671710338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039496747775725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554821678660162,0.0,0.08799771085443914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748302277657106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340981576155328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222830165880596,0.11386785373118595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142653681183876,0.09215555570174397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093897556015696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795273719981579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254508302105775,0.0,0.0,0.2492364126553221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060572218435739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109686957165027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23078469617497724,0.0,0.1742948414665675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inmyhead19,2019/07/16,"Conception of time Does anyone else feel like they’re conception of time is completely off? 

I’m not sure if this is part of BPD, but I’ve noticed how broken my perception of time is. 

Considering my severe problems I’ve been having lately, not sure if it has something to do with my daily routine of sleeping a lot. Just wondering if anyone else had issues with it, and could elaborate on any connections between the two.",5.136416666666669,6.822520475000005,5.982500000000003,75.9191666666667,69.25,9.333333333333334,30.833333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.188333333333333,338,14,58,8,6,111,58,80,0.175,0.804,0.02,-0.9228,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,2,19,12,6,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,3,3,11,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,5,40,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912937338918707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449818452261805,0.3589881352394138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063486701513607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367438677100872,0.0,0.0,0.1398681098883394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330244189239176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926831966238741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857698998283647,0.12514964204164766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828438897812987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197612273058359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558479346067023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489329794401474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994452087060768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970440745070669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676249609636939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979051421254276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530793475396303,0.0,0.0,0.13486321634242193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302128318848114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30644908576751945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711267932918742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899767781476811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marz108,2019/07/16,"DAE wish bad things for their friends? or hate other peoples happiness? (F/23/BPD) 

So, whenever my best friend has anything good in her life, a happy family, a good job, going on dates, etc. I feel great anger and hate towards her. Like, why can't I have any of that? Why does she get to have all the happiness? And when something negative happens, the guy she has been talking to ignores her, I feel actually glad about it, I feel somewhat happy about it, somewhat of an evil grin type of deal. And even when her life is going shit, and something small happens that's good, I still hate it! Anyone else get these emotions?",3.1357295645530963,5.378925445378151,3.5030404889228417,89.21588999236059,76.05882352941177,6.3440794499618045,25.94423223834989,7.348242739294969,1.2607747899159665,484,18,95,6,11,150,81,119,0.19,0.507,0.303,0.9576,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,7,22,6,0,5,0,7,3,1,0,1,13,20,8,0,1,1,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,1,3,13,14,11,19,5,10,0,0,0,0,12,4,1,3,5,60,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.1146588931397391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990113220583002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821557532225798,0.12038827049136602,0.0966889826194512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981040349832956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330453007264287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798177122110362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113294857568804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282131374185813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815261392952034,0.1321668928489779,0.0,0.0,0.13103880854077174,0.07760482804923369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076452668754397,0.0,0.17822812927652368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155383431108046,0.0,0.12277334923871087,0.0,0.13355107330637034,0.2956495561424361,0.0,0.12953946799274751,0.0,0.11633925511593245,0.2078021894462353,0.5003055996241937,0.0,0.3480081536826533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659639192159955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598143165081303,0.05740248355684172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145675192602993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060768850778815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809079217343954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938322496281358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944386250404534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805894869620232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120432598619162,0.0,0.13511430224814885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway_8499,2019/07/16,"What to do when my FP makes me miserable? My FP (my friend/crush) has been more distant recently and it’s been tearing me apart. We used to text/call constantly, but nowadays, he interacts with me way less. I feel like he’s getting sick of me. I feel like a piece of shit for getting so jealous in the first place since usually he’s hiking or out with his friends. It doesn’t help that I stalk his social media and freak out whenever I see him liking or commenting on his female friends posts when he hasn’t texted back.

The distance makes me extremely paranoid that he’s talking to other girls or hiding things. I feel so worried that he’s losing interest in me, but I don’t want to bring it up since he didn’t react well to me asking for constant reassurance in the past. My BPD brain is telling me to run away from him before he leaves me first, but I can act like myself around him and we had a connection as soon as we met. Every day is a struggle and I don’t know what to do.",5.732395879982088,4.985721827586211,6.197420510523957,83.49969547693688,67.17733990147784,9.549305866547249,31.26242722794447,8.841846274778883,2.2302059113300485,773,26,167,11,11,251,117,203,0.158,0.6890000000000001,0.153,-0.5008,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,0,3,8,15,2,2,6,0,14,3,2,4,0,27,28,16,0,1,6,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,10,12,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,6,1,2,5,4,31,9,25,23,3,28,0,2,1,0,29,11,1,3,16,108,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344962643804322,0.12964185457941227,0.0,0.13028917398064796,0.1066320621687337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800170987512044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465556607792385,0.15480650501411666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299715546524336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943352282228581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683917221323613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035384664568335,0.1981380537984868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359127662437313,0.0,0.0,0.3214185177359597,0.0,0.14490331230412862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295053453626348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762118296152003,0.0,0.0,0.14683617820381456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27099724992260804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514119432518156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185132492282295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238041659927602,0.0,0.0,0.14488524411078754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281175255320632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369242510187367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110505551299681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234729004698926,0.2294258115380959,0.0,0.0,0.14136109829472684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144972603779465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146123863740418,0.12120754750230014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212911671136002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977016646424908,0.15273027190071276,0.0,0.08179376051509908,0.11007329265860002,0.0,0.0,0.12468494958149265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083059574734372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babxpex,2019/07/16,"help to stop disassociating ? hi, sorry am new to reddit so i hope im doing this bit right! ive been disassociating very badly recently and have important things at work going on that would like to be 100% present for. does anyone have any advice or tricks that they help snap out of disassociating? thank you so much xxx",2.69370023419204,5.480030360655738,4.638079625292743,77.33098360655741,81.45901639344262,6.76440281030445,18.550351288056206,7.957251820313856,0.8171105386416855,256,6,49,5,7,87,51,61,0.115,0.6579999999999999,0.22699999999999998,0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,11,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,8,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355728075499169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393725399938658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856317566146153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012850839208476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631882307085431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096376687162496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370067959119585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32317101383426744,0.0,0.0,0.2394389304719858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260399171507778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777562178733356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721568759836026,0.0,0.0,0.2328288785703685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380295564785553,0.0,0.0,0.20587420507386966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698604120644197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154702003821634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194674549960228,0.0,0.0,0.160157551539685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989096802118664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550331636715974,0.0,0.0,0.17125066061203895,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sporkmedaddy,2019/07/16,"Sex ruins everything So I haven't been taking my meds 🙃 I don't have an excuse I just don't do it. I just took my morning mood stabilizer so maybe I'll keep up with it. 

But idk if I'm manic or what I just like emotionally feel like I can't handle sex but I craaaaave it. Told my FWB I can't do it and just need cuddles for a min and he was understanding but like I don't understand why emotionally I'm so drained and empty but I still have these impulses. It's not all the time I can't find a pattern I think I just use it as a distraction but at the same time I feel like if I slept with someone I'd just break down....",-0.9955672268907564,0.9759386785714312,1.9503361344537848,95.74760504201684,90.78571428571428,5.579831932773111,18.23529411764705,7.048011613610866,0.05508403361344527,485,14,122,8,17,170,75,140,0.114,0.763,0.12300000000000001,0.4992,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,6,0,13,4,1,1,1,31,27,15,0,3,15,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,5,2,18,4,7,22,2,9,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,3,8,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184532271051624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716612373001552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880958593311698,0.2657589682080343,0.0,0.0,0.1700019697483822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532664877004438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634836829471126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868634723711908,0.0,0.20660569711983104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791772983767334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759843810393678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854101060050096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398499538732375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918222866981125,0.0,0.0,0.21691790061151756,0.0,0.0,0.17773237118417065,0.2066544720301521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38726817051809503,0.0,0.16064554613025292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678373919187652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elainekbenes,2019/07/16,"How do you talk yourself out of feeling like you’re too much/not enough or influenced another person’s feelings or feeling like someone changed their feelings for you when you’re not around? I’ve been going to therapy for a while now and have a few mechanisms to combat this but just wondering if anyone else has their own tactics. Personally, I (in my head) put on “lenses” like a superhero with x-ray vision and these “lenses” help me see their flaws, beautiful lovable flaws. It helps me feel like I can be myself with my flaws and they can love me regardless. What is your trick?",6.1872200772200765,6.9121681081081086,6.115006435006437,79.46432432432434,66.11711711711712,9.586100386100386,32.07335907335907,9.606745405546679,2.9149629343629337,464,18,86,9,7,146,82,111,0.023,0.672,0.304,0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,4,0,6,6,1,0,3,0,8,2,1,2,0,22,17,10,0,2,6,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,6,15,5,11,15,3,9,0,0,1,1,13,4,0,4,7,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793297522675443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958140764414467,0.17523056249266936,0.0,0.15224437310636618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091685759759002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286556056330388,0.0,0.0,0.17670974186990684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323651467825964,0.36653092430626505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719480810488658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551622214588095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22926267610015424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342076247490561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435254618599747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571963773509967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29865675236633005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192269148612252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628107972312786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490499060597856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374596820714337,0.0,0.0,0.19557667888988772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546427821722775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gentle_soul_12,2019/07/16,"Falling in love, being intimate - how does this make you feel? I am very interested in the topic of BPD, and the symptoms of it. I don't have it myself, but have known several people with it, so it has always been in my field of interests, as well as being on a mental health undergraduate degree. 

​

I would like to ask the lovely community here; how does it feel when you have fallen in love with someone? The pushing away that often occurs - does this only occur when you have strong feelings? In what manner would you push them away, and does it hurt to be in love/have feelings for another? 

​

I hope that my question is allowed here, I'm solely here to hear from those with BPD and understand a bit more about it.",5.71099290780142,6.4138652056737575,6.169645390070922,78.73333333333333,67.15602836879432,8.536170212765958,28.43262411347518,8.515128840125781,2.016594326241135,578,18,107,8,9,187,87,141,0.055999999999999994,0.7390000000000001,0.205,0.9779,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,1,1,13,10,0,0,6,0,14,5,0,4,0,22,27,11,0,3,1,0,4,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,13,6,0,0,7,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,5,12,9,23,21,2,15,0,1,0,3,11,9,0,3,3,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095552606857756,0.24884913981837414,0.2790761969282985,0.0,0.12041537668380142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735599597198787,0.0,0.21578407810406813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537098019307955,0.0,0.2892634066239977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019744221345444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322577770011053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220651134808812,0.1294283223484379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405788674075795,0.0,0.0,0.12293412723515006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056102984189589485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41457526720633453,0.0,0.07665380582614094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572750332047553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733782066557128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796127028356891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864240696360282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973179709551608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730002303884047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935839346560925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954814516870198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475158334747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032511991475625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315215252478096,0.0,0.2790761969282985,0.0
bpd,oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,2019/07/16,"yesterday i've finally started doing something and now i feel even worse so i've decided to take small steps to get out od bed after a few months. my normal day (till yesterday) would be like: waking up, lying on bed scrollig social media, shower, beck to bed, eating unhealthy, watching shitty videos on YT, scrollig social media etc. 

yesterday I woke up about 8 am, no alarm clock. I MADE MY BED, then took shower, ate breakfast (healthy one), started reading a book, spent a few hours reading about my hobby, went to the park and to the cinema on the evening. really good, relaxing day for someone who used to spend whole day in bed. today i've started in the similar way, but since 8 hours i can not see a point on doing those things. i feel tired. i know that i will never be better with my bpd, i am isolating myself to feel safe. there is nothing wrong with laying in bed all day long. if i feel tired after reading a book in the morning i am just a useless piece of shit",5.23828125,5.655025432291668,5.953125,80.87937500000002,68.11458333333334,8.483333333333333,29.541666666666664,8.344100000000001,2.0948354166666667,761,26,145,10,12,249,119,192,0.158,0.7759999999999999,0.066,-0.9531,2,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,1,11,0,11,7,2,2,2,22,29,7,1,3,4,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,8,0,4,5,3,1,6,8,2,3,3,4,0,1,6,6,15,5,27,19,6,40,0,1,2,0,3,13,1,1,24,89,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861929216196366,0.0,0.0,0.15468034600836744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168203239220313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566971753417325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697043952343374,0.16223540988220647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483944563120191,0.0,0.0,0.13453709252146026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416541707855193,0.0,0.0,0.10301083091512234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418947468023948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749554245268323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600008767637028,0.0,0.0,0.10868681498460432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620988608760395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802922439299867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472198053404778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203319648759085,0.11784365943620112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322216668848326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609923646732452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685426880259423,0.0,0.07867800295644982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786711809261132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606714216023382,0.10159328073211847,0.0,0.0,0.2503874807699585,0.10406018103654158,0.0945484693777618,0.0,0.0,0.26078583911184305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092341089753716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159238191126668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823140051983122,0.11641362204829915,0.0,0.13645123663780376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607214648918928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748429653319032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138501118999098,0.0,0.1371178105607304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515829191575967,0.08724377445138408,0.13427818726750207,0.0,0.0
bpd,AaronFulch,2019/07/16,"What do I do when I don't know what I want to speak about in my counselling session? I have a counselling session this evening and I have no idea what I want to talk about, all day I've felt alright with the world and everything has seemed fine; I'm in a good mood and can't think of anything I really want to get off my chest. My therapist is really great at unpacking my problems and presenting them to me in a new way I've not considered before however if I don't present a problem there's nothing he can really do, he usually just sits and waits for me to say something. I would cancel the appointment but it's too late now and I'd still have to pay for it. Any advice would be much appreciated!",4.585563165905633,4.726810965753426,5.688721461187214,83.17081430745817,69.47945205479452,9.776560121765602,30.605783866057838,9.725611199111238,2.58324596651446,555,21,121,12,9,185,91,146,0.073,0.823,0.10300000000000001,0.7926,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,0,6,1,15,1,1,0,1,25,25,9,0,8,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,3,16,4,17,21,2,17,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,9,79,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199329487195744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196916943040671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483985183646986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497701180981383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351080665866176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625183647536375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818493041631868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899559057403252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195708358619498,0.0,0.0,0.1476274295411948,0.0,0.1940497959823416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869197133554545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672957056320024,0.0,0.1985450532033084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938636818930346,0.0,0.0,0.1699899338261917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688847315932135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33683238675070043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382663133976357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399688818322934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023136561928972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549980499423647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056047302836933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414688218649998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435922727507325,0.0,0.11277902560834913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384830002834885,0.0,0.31144280498142385,0.13970721321221566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25006252354845976,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kristanball,2019/07/16,"How Zoloft negatively affects your sex drive I have BPD and have for quite some time now. I have had issues with my libido and not wanting to have sex, despite being super attracted to my SO. This has went on for about a year now causing turmoil in my relationship. I tried numerous of things - even consulted with a sex therapist - I am only 33!. I went to the doctors and they suggested a little pink pill if I do not get better on my own. No doctor told me that the medication I am on decreases your sex drive immensely - Zoloft. I went and cried to my doctors about this and that I am going to lose my relationship if this doesn't improve. Still said nothing about Zoloft being the culprit. I did some research on my own and found that Zoloft was my problem. I went back to the doctors and demanded Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin has shown to improve your sex drive according to research. I was on 150mg at first for a few weeks and I did not feel a difference what so ever - I thought to myself did I make the right decision? I went back to my doctors and she told me that Wellbutrin has the most impact at 300mg. I then increased my dose to that amount and waited a few weeks for it to kick in. WHAT A DIFFERENCE - NIGHT AND DAY!!!! I now have a healthy sex drive and can connect with my loved one! I feel so healthy now - a sense of normalcy. I wanted to share this in case people are in the same situation as I was. I didn't feel like a woman and now I do. I am not as depressed as I once was. Wellbutrin folks for the win!",3.748859180035652,4.822801960784314,4.758074866310165,85.72315508021391,71.87581699346406,7.916577540106951,28.28817587641117,8.296473431620573,1.8036065359477127,1184,44,248,18,22,387,139,306,0.102,0.83,0.067,-0.8162,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,3,1,6,17,11,0,1,18,0,28,19,0,4,1,41,48,23,0,5,6,0,3,1,0,0,12,1,0,1,13,16,0,1,6,0,0,11,8,4,0,2,19,5,44,7,40,27,10,41,0,2,1,7,15,13,0,5,18,189,57,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492242756069904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909447105779453,0.0,0.0,0.12687583702997127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348555527683913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065583409146612,0.0649676006406462,0.0,0.08676539093880897,0.0,0.0,0.21049929335371345,0.0,0.5155474589463752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653642158129107,0.09112318244588057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528083013039383,0.07196716368019035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856875917423529,0.0,0.11045388899683782,0.0,0.0,0.05263138601835104,0.0,0.057251660363896076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514417723571592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921544112343231,0.10096582346850556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269992322520556,0.0,0.0,0.09091987239696007,0.0,0.06724331908575178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014828188703056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453567894088527,0.0,0.0966607155690878,0.0,0.0,0.10728255757166684,0.06826259657757633,0.07661569937687776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983896392830792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639254899782417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071471385472418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630957229290834,0.0,0.08602960158378169,0.09582479539168227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323360114410275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044940342136657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696444643162875,0.06692577316643092,0.0,0.0,0.07997462650083158,0.058741069638154925,0.0,0.0,0.19251872829769465,0.0,0.06839440988844678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188356267392262,0.0,0.1616117065119863,0.0,0.0,0.4669251335420324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487189377362795
bpd,rizechi,2019/07/16,"DAE wanna be loved/cuddled/taken care of (doesn't matter if it's your SO, friends or family) There are times when I feel too lonely that I end up just listening to sad songs and crying until I've let the steam off. I feel like I have no one to turn to, not even my SO, he seems to be so independent and happy, total opposite of me.

I don't talk much with any of my family members. We rarely talk about ourselves or our feelings, we eat together but we never ask how our day went. When we get misunderstandings, we turn passive aggressive towards each other. It's suffocating. I want to talk to someone, I want to talk about my feelings, I want to tell someone how my day went.",2.4307420924574217,4.268641021897814,4.193886861313867,85.32883515815087,76.73722627737226,7.194403892944036,23.82542579075426,8.07648339933343,1.312771776155718,528,17,109,9,12,178,89,137,0.078,0.807,0.115,0.6197,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,7,1,0,0,13,7,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,3,2,30,23,14,0,5,6,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,9,1,0,5,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,6,21,4,19,18,3,13,0,2,0,0,17,3,0,4,9,76,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920018447021003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637368380323733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487295577341908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023713204901555,0.18815495971334026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492668168955492,0.0,0.0,0.12920218931478986,0.0,0.0,0.0963492386870232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27503644008083605,0.0,0.2950356741122882,0.10421332055826167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270287014543087,0.0,0.0762138067151005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528693525377155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491673448128024,0.0,0.07126728746744103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723510655386624,0.0,0.11250799955458418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884885683269494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279936523387573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471992822722045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46899605882893397,0.12750141388573993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506104182929251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173408047458424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581230375734357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704556696704669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sephrodite,2019/07/16,"boyfriend blues... things have really been hard between my boyfriend and I. the first week we were together he cheated on me and its been in my head since. we've been together two months at this point and i just get so jealous when he talks to other girls, i get so scared and paranoid when he does. i need his attention and i need his love or else it feels like everything is crashing down and that im going to lose him. i keep waiting for that break up text and i keep waiting for him to find a better girl. its really put a strain on the relationship. we got into a bad argument yesterday which lead to him needing to be away from me for a while. logically i understand why and that it doesnt mean that he doesnt love me but at the same time my brain is automatically turning it into ""hes ignoring you, hes abandoning you. you werent good enough""
and it really hurts.
im afraid that hes going to be gone again today for the fifth time in a row.
it almost feels like i should just break up with him.
i need the attention and the affection.
its such a fucking hellscape of paranoia and jealousy. 
it almost feels like hes gaslighting me at times.
we talked about what i needed to work on yesterday
we talked about how i needed to change for him
im rapidly splitting on him, im not sure if i should love him or if i should distance myself to stop getting hurt so much bc of my fragile emotions. 
im just scared about all the time hes been spending with these other girls.. 
im scared that i keep accidentally making him hate me..
im trying to get better, im trying to grow
but im so intensely distressed that its hard to feel any other emotions.. 
i just want him to love me. only me. 
and he says that he does..
but its so hard to feel it when hes gone!!!
i think my clinginess and obsessive tendencies come from the intense need to feel love i was deprived of for so long and i feel like i need it all at all times or else it risks being lost and i turn bsck into an unfeeling hollow shell and im too emotionally dependent on other people to give me emotions and to feel like im alive and real and ultimately its just a huge selfish thing that hurts me and others in the process.
im desperately trying to learn that im not unloveable.
im desperately trying to learn someone can love me and not be up my ass 24/7
i dont wanna hurt him
i wanna be good for him
i wanna keep him forever 
i want him to be mine and mine only 
i just feel so fucking miserable without him
its so fucking hard. 
i need him so bad. 
i want him to love me so badly. 
it hurts it hurts it hurts!",2.231985018726593,3.8379093146067436,3.843243445692888,88.64426591760302,76.64044943820224,6.993857677902622,23.664419475655432,7.793537801064563,1.0380954307116108,2010,63,439,30,45,670,204,534,0.23199999999999998,0.654,0.114,-0.9973,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,3,0,7,26,49,6,9,17,0,28,13,3,5,4,108,84,45,0,20,18,0,14,5,0,3,0,1,0,3,40,32,0,9,18,0,1,8,7,32,0,2,10,16,79,17,63,65,6,50,0,12,1,11,53,22,4,8,23,286,119,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389649511642246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02848763039038405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039358407132241716,0.0,0.10493286182265807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409918697903063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676472545577743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044315611736703085,0.03608578482330176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733190006516089,0.0,0.04909648097449918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998988150183473,0.18848902334089584,0.0,0.043285078100450784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764934448651699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190634235028852,0.14963634259722078,0.0,0.0,0.038288036951676034,0.03563285581537758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618394358802922,0.08754623866635862,0.04018610713401788,0.047615766004294034,0.07027314088424791,0.033504428679320464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010608499811273,0.041359145489171696,0.042992725262841404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139197322504987,0.0,0.6334995395656066,0.0,0.0,0.14894022337678148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233026053028113,0.0,0.0,0.03707262524640036,0.0,0.04686583008147456,0.045729478884503655,0.0,0.26466075736266376,0.0,0.027962875893800053,0.0,0.0,0.045632082557887366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033437364961257904,0.0,0.03079504435092431,0.27955789157729594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637206884585886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02904226482914128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960097170531701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042112489382136416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768165448037311,0.08051022893125022,0.0,0.0,0.04497575228963687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03331377164453945,0.12582198318320972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0346530499092064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0354944994495123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03502313765212585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039482206769293586,0.0,0.0,0.10101230998071647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055661651286516026,0.02684235707413773,0.0,0.0,0.12213624063277667,0.0,0.039708207333005584,0.0,0.0,0.1137662103264959,0.0911317615150343,0.04092187089127298,0.04361048888124987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412600822172323,0.0,0.03360280362140446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03780052827134826,0.0,0.0,0.040381874057945986,0.0,0.030497482951452843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisismysixthtry,2019/07/16,"Completion of DBT Hello,

I am almost complete with my last module of DBT. I’ve made some significant improvements but the thought of not having the constant of group in my life is a little bit scary as well as the fear of getting worse. I know these are normal feelings.

I am wondering how anyone else has coped after group and/or if there are any online “groups” or support systems or something to keep me in some kind of routine for still picking up my skills book and reading/practicing.

Thanks.",8.07741935483871,7.834939537634412,7.270451612903226,76.06567741935488,62.225806451612904,9.590537634408603,35.804301075268825,8.841846274778883,3.0805113978494623,399,16,69,5,5,123,73,93,0.11800000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.125,-0.3032,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,3,0,19,16,8,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,7,4,15,14,3,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,7,4,46,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984056785191204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474001814170375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385420628476155,0.20301486727707987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631438928753008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154859461040082,0.21411580882183573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551811740853206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295931582874712,0.10018406793960503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351845366300456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611335275003195,0.0,0.20632929295445215,0.1088909649771909,0.16150817638940074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995008890615368,0.0,0.19858542039207072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748210883466376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413228335967272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253561485009712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823253899084788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248436259254196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241801534153068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729872028746947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814904256481998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148712261794232,0.0,0.0,0.201918625828634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,standingonbenches,2019/07/16,"Advice/help with relationships? Or getting better in general. I have a classic pattern of being single and loving it. Then meeting a girl and having an intense few  months together and then something switches and I wanna get away. 

We break up and I feel better and then it happens again and I think "" it won't happen this time as I really like this girl"" but it happens again. It's actually this that made me start looking into BPD.

I'm currently with the most wonderful girl - she's funny and caring and smart and passionate. But it's happened again and I know she knows really. 

I'm working on getting better with diet and excersise and meditation etc but I feel like she's suffering because of me. And this has happened too many times with too many lovely people.

Any help? I can't tell if I should just stay by myself forever. But then when I do. I end up meeting someone and the cycle repeats.",2.1007817230938604,4.840819601156074,3.8563831544178377,82.08720616570332,84.20231213872833,6.3010184420589015,25.00110101844205,7.62386473244151,1.7868025873933386,713,29,124,13,21,238,102,173,0.022000000000000002,0.723,0.254,0.9921,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,4,7,11,0,0,5,0,8,4,0,1,0,39,30,27,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,11,21,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,18,10,15,26,4,23,0,1,1,3,14,6,0,4,17,93,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.12400117184107495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641138732149219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938566024814495,0.0,0.0,0.07746018153952207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371470419884771,0.0,0.0,0.16003916085402106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955547903625975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125455611125178,0.0,0.14171570447580314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849997228095125,0.09077823448527007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916517715594367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5618342000535047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034356112623852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139667776214181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415914775945845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670609261501264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293697590334228,0.12023591317409806,0.0,0.2576563712756744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142539253291667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809375720106866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280751751278438,0.0,0.0,0.13642472532524694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766528832631876,0.09782404868961546,0.0,0.0,0.08994020665002778,0.1354388192481955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106404809788584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142078796901442,0.0,0.0,0.14819010006353228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780108542146075,0.09250786308074777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,witnessmehurley,2019/07/16,"Dealing with BPD meds causing weight gain Hello everyone! I am currently taking meds for the BPD and Bipolar Disorder and it's making me gain a lot of weight. I have a history of bulimia and was wondering how to deal with this, because I don't want to start up again. Thank you in advance!",2.3252631578947347,4.810460035087719,4.055350877192982,82.9082894736842,80.22807017543859,8.010526315789475,28.798245614035093,8.841846274778883,2.786382456140352,230,11,43,6,6,77,45,57,0.067,0.765,0.168,0.7883,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,3,0,11,10,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,9,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118130557491598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620300975021394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842611136163886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782024473644451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021883218184265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526868962716607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593981119787112,0.0,0.0,0.12243638347866907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074835615193215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982785658873572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791138888471094,0.0,0.0,0.1688714018761495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818773198730196,0.0,0.0,0.4467199883280512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891459250793267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,medcom01,2019/07/16,"EMT, Husband, Father, BPD... Hey everyone !! I hope everyone is doing well!!! 
So here’s my story I am 29 and I within the last year got diagnosed with BPD. All my life I always thought I was different from everyone else because I always was weird around people and isolated myself from feelings and people. But I managed to find a very special woman and married her and had a healthy baby boy ( who rocks by the way ). But my mind always told me I was a pice of shit and that I should kill myself because I was incapable of livening or being loved and I did something I shouldn’t. I cheated on my wife and I started talking to another woman ( never slept with her only texted and pics and stuff ). I after almost losing everything finally admitted to my self that I had BPD and started to work on it. For the last 7 years I have been a first responder and I’m currently a advanced EMT in Alabama ( A-EMT is like paramedic lite ) I love my job and I’m very gifted at what I do but I also have a lot of mental struggles that come with it. I’m a very hard person to talk to and I am very explosive with my loved ones when it comes to talking about stuff. I am wondering if anyone has and tips they could give me to help my conversations with my wife go smoothly and not end up with me upset or angry about talking about the past or current situations? Please and thank you and I hope all of you have a great night and stay safe out there!!!",3.0733007371746623,4.590773778546712,4.581023017902812,84.59895140664963,74.19031141868513,7.5174364374905975,26.40604784113134,8.18289091462,1.6917174966150157,1118,40,224,18,23,374,160,289,0.09,0.7559999999999999,0.155,0.9664,4,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,1,4,10,18,3,2,12,0,23,7,2,0,3,54,45,29,1,6,8,4,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,5,10,29,0,1,5,1,0,4,3,7,1,2,12,3,42,11,34,29,3,30,0,1,0,3,29,8,1,9,17,160,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151834853259988,0.0,0.0,0.07308811563982222,0.2281425334040673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583505882556544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390513058269924,0.0,0.0,0.08136044503503474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142642751857504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453243641302762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745646718368708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297103847444159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276345178965084,0.0,0.0954877570713382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634834280206358,0.0,0.08094836313701914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619939658678517,0.08213944637280833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621178443855303,0.0,0.0,0.10011816223115208,0.08353287954425266,0.0777400799210565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767389278314527,0.05194157709187417,0.0,0.0730964977024284,0.10076271341901248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187148333585323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125977918540094,0.0,0.0,0.18155063890259204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069489790976104,0.0,0.10111442738760093,0.0,0.0,0.14899736426894009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455460906804343,0.04465071603120562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224702154038896,0.0,0.07770030052966524,0.2474612018903912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210411821055696,0.0,0.09228234970264036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048904087511114,0.0,0.0,0.0857675083033435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193125055394285,0.06950960426890118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724635237228442,0.12672282011881775,0.0798021161290023,0.0,0.10032367046300432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534435286361416,0.0,0.09381509852981773,0.0,0.10273120090899483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035991947246761,0.0,0.0,0.1293789366112143,0.09741433260429687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554533214650683,0.20924957866456967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29383761592010066,0.0,0.08414373838116987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255699138476651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733132195595056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016400002722173,0.0,0.07254466729123682,0.0,0.0,0.08217459444652417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911339188419684,0.06653625447034292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771006989567295
bpd,cigarettemouth,2019/07/16,"I thought I was done doing this, but I guess not... So, I recently got a new job. At my old job of four years, at a grocery store, I made my way through almost every guy who worked there. Had a year long affair with a married manager, a year long relationship with another guy, and had sex with probably close to ten other guys who worked there. I ended up in my current relationship (Also a guy from work, but he has actually been really good to me and we’ve now been together for a year) I felt completely out of control and ended up so incredibly disgusted with myself, I finally got a new job, especially because I felt with my new relationship going so well, taking myself out of that environment would somehow prevent me from continuing that behavior.

 It’s an office setting, less people, and there’s only four guys there. I thought surely I could resist those same old impulses, because the men there are way older and married. .....except for one. He’s very attractive and charismatic, and also single. At first, I tried to find things I didn’t like about him to keep myself from obsessing over him. It worked for about three months. 
Now flirting with him is about the only thing keeping me interested in my job. He’s become my new FP, and I constantly go out of my way to talk and flirt with him. 
It’s causing me to split on my current partner, who has done nothing to deserve this. He’s been nothing but completely supportive and encouraging and wonderful to me, but I can’t seem to stop falling back into the same old pattern. 

I worry that if given the opportunity, I would cheat. I hate this so much about myself, and find it so difficult to talk about, but I literally have no idea what to do. Should I tell my partner? Should I look for a new job? I’m just so scared of myself and what I know I’m capable of.",4.3563315276273045,5.700710926760568,5.756408450704224,78.11099404117009,70.71830985915494,9.067172264355364,29.146803900325022,9.466822959209583,2.6469089924160345,1429,55,273,32,26,482,175,355,0.11,0.774,0.11699999999999999,0.3835,7,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,0,7,24,17,3,2,14,0,22,1,0,3,1,62,44,27,0,6,9,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,8,19,25,0,5,10,0,1,3,4,6,1,6,17,3,45,11,51,22,5,50,0,0,1,1,27,14,0,6,30,202,64,10,0.0,0.0,0.07003931822263572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718694952261656,0.0,0.0,0.1147924118450309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525941423986499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055188394944449236,0.0,0.08750333926493786,0.07926676089637393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372982447523506,0.0,0.0,0.15050358156550056,0.07756025540612,0.0804986301411852,0.057304265050402585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468957677423636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713773994664207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047117771091276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782514320390568,0.07862294171491914,0.13119698910421293,0.061049400391855836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157959549530598,0.060199119835692635,0.11480557673749495,0.0,0.07906517480878332,0.35532883179495417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086019279273716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102208261697612,0.0,0.0,0.35611419113628845,0.12758886599621866,0.0,0.0,0.03944412652910336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035064273712353065,0.0,0.0,0.12703228469652966,0.06027057539855684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791259517597836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572878887997379,0.0,0.0527608284445504,0.0,0.0,0.34659021121846584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773473164432046,0.0,0.2259385653785184,0.0,0.04863470317596013,0.10917199124057526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975780956280815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738257548270533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045979111966497024,0.0,0.0708663931748539,0.2311694625612937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185649735970348,0.0,0.0,0.06533871930392643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000477661913881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144624700609779,0.0676444532512726,0.0,0.053963765542506086,0.11537555841665507,0.06273207012746335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953645268700551,0.0,0.0,0.11395822651006215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487286155316312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059219585217554785,0.0,0.17090830537815446,0.0,0.0,0.06453183124456002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783389406696943,0.2090040784037913,0.07288815746682073,0.0,0.10196982951131596,0.0,0.0,0.18487578593980467
bpd,TryingMyLiteralBest,2019/07/16,"Anyone else have/had a really hard time being a FP? I'm someone's FP and honestly, the friendship is extremely draining and hard, and has been taking a toll on me mentally for over two years. Wanted to know if any FP's have had a similar experience, or if anyone knows if one their FP's had a similar experience.",7.61095238095238,5.936358031746032,9.269841269841269,66.00571428571429,63.92063492063492,13.47936507936508,36.873015873015866,12.45797560212912,4.712549206349207,248,10,47,8,3,89,43,63,0.057999999999999996,0.841,0.10099999999999999,0.5445,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,12,7,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,2,1,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,2,28,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192921293016996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329969448429652,0.2439812471802357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891802633913575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658525136584147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426616041184988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617281561505996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399681347327849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135572399839765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254524887950144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017576148120052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903599467416628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884921311385176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260784608082435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044886622149053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334094968238213
bpd,lettucebefriends18,2019/07/16,"I ruined it I was supposed to go and see my Favorite Person, I was supposed to fly and spend a week with him. He even paid for the ticket. It was bought just earlier today. But then I got upset at something he said and it spiraled and I decided to show him how little I thought of him and canceled my ticket. And now it’s all ruined, I wanted to see him so badly",0.5709415584415574,2.5828309480519493,3.0286850649350647,90.49159902597404,83.67532467532467,4.888961038961039,21.313311688311693,5.985473137389443,0.2472870129870133,281,9,59,2,8,97,49,77,0.162,0.8,0.038,-0.8687,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,14,12,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,4,0,0,8,3,13,0,8,4,1,7,0,2,2,0,8,2,0,0,4,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586537671075206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460709005581176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605538965765846,0.0,0.2477597544419656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104814302305144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704883724602031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946721821571281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937098814523081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23848415339981344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593110386382225,0.0,0.0,0.2936356799967871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271655736975007,0.0,0.2484872210024988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imagine_nation69,2019/07/16,"What about BPD causes manipulation in patients? What I am trying to ask is, what is it about BPD in particular that causes the ever so common stigma that all patients are manipulative. I know this to be true, I was never diagnosed however im going to see a doctor to get tested tomorrow for it. But I am extremely manipulative and I know how to change myself to get what i want. in my natural state, im shy, cautious, dont talk much, reclusive, lonely, and insecure. But for example if I were to decide that I want to go find a doctor that will load me up with a bunch  of different happy pills at once, I will make it happen. 9/10 I walk into a doctors office and leave with exactly what i came for no if ands or buts about it (i.e tricking a doctor into writing a script of xanax with 5 refills placed on it with no prior history of ever taking benzodizapines) . This is just an example. I have systems for everything that i want, and I'm so confident in them based on the personality of the person i am attempting to engineer, that i know it will work almost every single time. What i want to understand, is why people with BPD almost always (not 100% of time just most) have abilities to naturally by highly manipulative, and honestly seem to have a very high iq and situational awareness. They seem to see the world in a way that is so bright, with such high expectations and people with BPD understand what true loyalty should be based on the fact that they have never obtained it themselves. They make amazing lovers and friends are super loyal up until the point where they expect the friendship to end and unintentionally cause it to. There upsides and downsides to BPD. but sometimes it appears to me that BPD is less like a disorder and kinda like a little superpower with a lot of unwanted side effects. Forgive me for a lack of better way to describe. But i want to understand why people with BPD seem to have such a naturally high level of understanding of the world, more than the average joe. What does bpd do to the brain to cause that ""high functioning"" and im not trying to glorify BPD or anyone with it because it is extremely hard to deal with, and im also not trying to trash talk normal people. I just want to understand what effect bpd has on the brain to cause these things to happen? And why is that things that I want, they are so fucking easy to get. I can get anything i want just by saying the right things. Why is it that I can't apply that strength to my needs? I'm tired of crying and hurting and expecting the worst out of my girlfriend and stressing her out. with my moodswings being cruel to her without realizing till its too late. I want to be happy, and if manipulation to get what i want is so easy its a joke, what is about BPD is blocking me from applying the same concept to obtain my basic emotional needs, which im starved of constantly",6.823602150537635,6.591193224014339,7.6497132616487455,72.27790322580645,64.78853046594982,10.640860215053763,32.695340501792124,10.237710317436264,3.232091039426523,2281,82,422,48,31,767,246,558,0.11199999999999999,0.757,0.131,-0.3838,3,2,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,6,9,22,25,3,2,29,0,38,12,2,15,9,121,81,38,0,22,18,0,1,2,3,4,8,1,0,2,46,36,0,1,17,1,0,5,10,8,0,0,3,5,42,17,90,70,11,53,0,2,3,2,20,30,1,14,16,310,88,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122834982019808,0.0,0.0,0.03642825885846092,0.03790326781453854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031851315619114494,0.0,0.037485765530743065,0.0,0.04258536946961887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027768336273186055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040287419288103456,0.0,0.0,0.6310885492213925,0.10170314569648994,0.0,0.052099840388073616,0.0,0.2339744490427321,0.0481884269944985,0.0,0.0,0.049225990039772585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500372013188768,0.0,0.0469625513201162,0.0,0.046234753828522435,0.0,0.047592590148996784,0.052207027022653715,0.18649935417891966,0.039863235231879214,0.0,0.053387104372677935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124034840415149,0.0403459290297719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240955503697031,0.0383798838219894,0.0,0.04093958352551951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163409239097566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519369156555495,0.04211248409694338,0.11899631318647523,0.0,0.05177698725040214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056372028460633,0.09698280969117094,0.04080602656089883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406431969648572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876481449718008,0.0,0.2460221862249368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510326659506956,0.0,0.05138512099605806,0.04823344220585732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450922910137694,0.04565549820937465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03872704387432116,0.0,0.0,0.060813196557934025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033486274663513456,0.06755309382490207,0.07026567876882336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044631706083007316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851184734444542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632126725804588,0.07954924322105089,0.047592590148996784,0.0,0.04306176670359197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038901523170231364,0.0,0.03622511773824191,0.0,0.0,0.07259877214512109,0.12440765423573324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120283573865201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045052514388158174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218015042678115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03424975551195026,0.07322662953741793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078902381004547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312397220269467,0.05235581300497127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278132196387967,0.0,0.0,0.2371084113804499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037585522337627485,0.2686800125735141,0.07231479141996736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441591805433206,0.0,0.0,0.043910913415885384,0.0,0.033162708876810436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sultry_sister,2019/07/16,"need advice: staging an intervention for friend CW: substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal ideation

​

I'm looking for some advice from people with BPD. I don't have BPD personally, but my close friend has it and has also been abusing drugs pretty regularly. My friend group (12-15 people) all use drugs regularly at parties, and our BPD friend has been participating equally, but we are worried about his suicidal ideation and self-harm tendencies-- many times he has adverse reactions to drugs and ends up locking himself in bathrooms, self-harming, falling asleep in a full bathtub, etc. We all want to intervene and tell him that we cannot enable his behaviour anymore because we think he is a danger to himself when he is high. But also, we don't know how to tell him in the right way without him feeling paranoid, insecure, defensive, or resistant. We are currently thinking of having 4-5 friends hold an intervention-esque meeting where we voice our concerns and set out some boundaries regarding drug use/abuse within the group, specifically emphasizing his vulnerability. Yet we don't know what we are doing, and want some advice going in. All we want is for him to be safe and healthy. He is seeing a therapist, he has been through DBT. Any advice is appreciated, and please feel free to ask further questions!",10.637222437137332,9.511285093617026,9.663520309477756,63.8309090909091,57.638297872340424,12.290135396518377,44.342359767891686,11.20814326018867,5.1372127659574485,1067,54,169,22,11,337,143,235,0.127,0.68,0.193,0.9545,1,0,4,0,2,0,43.0,12,0,0,1,7,11,2,1,7,0,24,5,1,2,3,49,40,17,2,4,5,0,2,0,5,0,4,1,0,1,3,22,0,3,7,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,3,5,24,8,23,36,9,24,0,0,2,0,39,14,0,5,5,109,27,0,0.0,0.30797910590611705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386724646679861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385793365482682,0.0,0.09387940545679838,0.10528269241314278,0.058921310188899075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592817717101668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810010199868772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528177538314264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273775829093373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019209878041669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674141247174511,0.0,0.09663165053687693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762024266387065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347070777379617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049242132114436316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154479413857193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523523022598998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275965560676502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784404142013025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424588504498016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013693460187568,0.07565473683028923,0.0,0.09510976970156874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814872398080298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970617996999226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399402881968417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904454119794592,0.0,0.2711676935668176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955029427281087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514624271558873,0.0,0.0,0.10060107754552156,0.0,0.11103674301393077,0.0,0.0,0.05052317248583088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496662583094965,0.0,0.0,0.1533157185643392,0.06877446336745444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352231809987394,0.0,0.0,0.08799181358445303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528269241314278,0.0
bpd,akjohnston87,2019/07/16,DAE feel like they spend... Their life trying to give people what they never had while at the same time refusing  anyone who tries to offer it now?,4.914642857142855,6.235206892857143,4.620000000000001,86.875,69.35714285714286,7.028571428571429,17.571428571428573,7.1686216300943375,0.05079999999999973,115,1,22,1,2,35,26,28,0.087,0.833,0.08,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28144970110504725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035250190269192,0.2875586908369091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861316093642809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843101212920887,0.19664979269303534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104464274555828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790550580244464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471127969653602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5465661271710879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LeaveAtticusAlone,2019/07/16,Bored with my relationship with an amazing person My SO is amazing and so perfect for me. They understand my disorders and have been nothing but caring and supportive of me. We’ve been together for three years now and lately I’ve been feeling really bored of the relationship. I am strictly against cheating without mutual consent but I find myself fantasizing about it for the thrill and excitement of it. I would never do it and I’m not in danger of doing it but I can’t help but feel extremely bored with everything.  I don’t think it’s my SO but my BPD that’s making me feel bored. Any tips on management????,2.3826755447941927,5.155000415254238,4.09714285714286,80.70033898305086,82.98305084745763,7.778208232445523,26.225181598062953,8.634040054169528,2.535613075060533,491,21,88,13,14,164,71,118,0.153,0.649,0.19899999999999998,0.7514,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,5,13,2,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,2,26,20,14,0,1,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,3,15,7,15,16,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,68,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435465439144743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658569563996978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152174827566241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24192423482327244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971157683614284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201961133677197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292988930163815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414873099235255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23811557154707186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090235437129495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280347244355864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254387475326813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431321313002907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522787439638045,0.0,0.0,0.453257341004405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395392687928041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525616331400206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974923401972826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348054149720976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995030033881607,0.0,0.0,0.13593324496032402
bpd,Meleficence,2019/07/16,"I had a moment of weakness on Reddit just now and I’m punishing myself big time A topic on parenting came up in r/unpopularopinion and I guess I was triggered (I’m very anti-kids, I refuse to ever have them because of my mental illnesses, it just wouldn’t be fair to them), and I said monstrous things to parents. I felt like they weren’t doing everything they could do for their child which sent me overboard. I think it’s me being overprotective in a weird fucked up way, but now I feel like a lowly piece of filth who just wants to curl up and die. I try so hard to be a good person and it feels like I’m getting nowhere despite my therapy and med management. I’m on the max dose of lamictal but I’m still all over the place and I can’t control my adrenaline. I left r/unpopularopinion so I don’t do it again but I just feel so discouraged that no matter what I try I’m always going to be this mean and awful person that everyone hates.",2.2757556561085965,4.053685148717946,4.072247360482656,86.29696832579184,77.0,7.254901960784314,23.26546003016591,8.124751697461798,1.2299079939668176,744,23,157,13,17,251,115,195,0.193,0.731,0.076,-0.9715,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,5,1,12,10,3,0,7,1,15,4,0,2,2,33,36,14,1,3,7,2,5,3,0,1,3,1,0,3,11,9,0,3,6,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,7,6,25,4,20,23,2,23,0,1,0,1,14,12,1,1,10,104,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889186990763418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442755184032174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716799201498734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373710842547124,0.12367759914475925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607650636316176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140118811113391,0.0,0.14801664407493711,0.13921700629252798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23497113393379535,0.2213257514367455,0.1487313623012946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432055106242988,0.0809305276461477,0.0,0.08803505726131962,0.12992545328620025,0.0,0.0,0.17064333671691198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387628394646603,0.1529348384772441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683027780441366,0.0,0.0,0.22703363447821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873499422752547,0.17206253273215727,0.0,0.15610599012670764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440033400036351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705109954811233,0.16184087261465396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734841392793635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237058941491464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714530704633752,0.0,0.10291080180934484,0.09925571466549124,0.0,0.0,0.09032530054704282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21033820687864604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278113612592994,0.09136591967968426,0.12295494855096585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loafclub,2019/07/16,"how do i know if i have bpd? just curious because i do have anxiety, and potentially undiagnosed depression and mild AvPD. what are some telltale signs of bpd since i know that a lot of the symptoms can overlap with other mental illnesses?",4.622727272727271,7.166974909090911,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545455,72.63636363636364,9.854545454545457,33.72727272727273,10.125756701596842,4.172381818181817,192,10,32,6,4,64,35,44,0.19399999999999998,0.757,0.05,-0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,11,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,8,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142021592830041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068773246957564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7053100297362167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24116688368593645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30776555834565344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380492384968951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821779974207463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316220570462589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29103118512990583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Diekaltesee,2019/07/16,"Help with a Relationship Hey. A recent AskReddit thread and some events prompted me to come here for some help regarding improving my relationship. I don't want to share so much that it'd make my partner or me uncomfortable so I'll be vague for our sakes. The rundown is that I have some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder, my girlfriend has BPD, and I feel that I'm not entirely well equipped to provide her the comfort and stability she deserves in a relationship (partially from not entirely understanding BPD, partially from not being able to provide due to my own personal issues.)

I want to work through these thoughts and feelings, I want to be able to accommodate her and her illness when things get bad, and I want to be able to de-escalate situations that I find very triggering. What I'm asking for now is some verbal support in overcoming my own barriers and emotions because I feel constantly like I am failing or will fail. I would also love to know what you, your partners, friends, or family do to help others with BPD in the good moments and bad.

A big source of our conflict comes from our stubbornness, our tendency to trigger the other, my tendency to say things I don't mean when I'm going through episodes, and some of our contradictory wants and needs. I love her more than anything and would do anything in my power to improve our relationship, no matter the costs to myself.

I understand I have a difficult path ahead of myself to improve myself, but her encouragement means the world to me and I could use as much encouragement as possible from others. I want to be able to deliver to her that same encouragement, because I know just what it would mean to her. Thanks for reading and I appreciate your response should you leave one.",9.244555214723928,8.322607773006137,8.970360429447856,67.03965107361967,60.22699386503068,12.689877300613501,41.233895705521476,11.81641974633143,4.945657055214721,1418,68,248,37,16,459,163,326,0.102,0.762,0.136,0.9609,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,6,4,0,5,9,19,1,0,11,0,22,3,0,4,0,64,54,24,0,12,8,0,3,1,4,5,1,1,0,4,16,17,0,3,12,1,1,3,6,6,1,1,1,4,49,13,46,41,11,18,0,2,0,2,40,6,0,9,10,185,65,4,0.3473232076246917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943856091326182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290870300995367,0.0,0.08117507848561567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500018533327155,0.10586250181527523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280810660335135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495940946350558,0.0,0.09383324965306304,0.0,0.06932732983542288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951562165236047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767296503802098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185635229366814,0.0,0.13171278725232138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936177986963162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708526215959215,0.0,0.04536551018678989,0.0,0.049347945739893234,0.07282955697940482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460256860887288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062879783947513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543987581196944,0.0,0.0,0.09194128184058978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242114381813838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673637764233656,0.0,0.05796023452459726,0.0,0.0,0.28375259579298345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766126056230814,0.06438393938433128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883879857043884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163461400862022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788868258148492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685429955433313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857349415363515,0.3728951429070324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905133880898492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760145941052377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853456501156882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799421363090521,0.0,0.0,0.11537305300232464,0.0,0.0,0.06893395761880909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078785407405254,0.0,0.0749939338226239,0.0,0.0716445052298164,0.3072903400365836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807131887374287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321385793755341,0.0,0.0,0.185046331130195,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDWriter,2019/10/08,"Not wanting to go to sleep at the end of a happy productive day because you fear the morning bringing you the polar opposite. Knowing that no matter how many positive thoughts I am able to think before sleep will still not determine my mood upon waking is frustrating to say the least. However, due to my new resolution, knowing that each day I can wake with the sheer determination to conquer  and manage my symptoms does inspire some hope.",12.862833333333334,9.255009950000002,11.772499999999996,58.15583333333335,55.75,14.66666666666667,49.16666666666667,12.45797560212912,6.147916666666667,356,18,56,8,3,115,62,80,0.08800000000000001,0.723,0.188,0.8555,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,2,6,1,1,6,0,4,5,4,1,0,15,12,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,7,3,10,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,6,38,9,1,0.22398594189489027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365397512167756,0.0,0.1905955392084097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28890480525511586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960116071668448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838506196909705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520464564303321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272963725369227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384372001487763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224685796811912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246193631853993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708658909770224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163270184268328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812261113223854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44829540372676896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788754625316957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23280715631419915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435211474103093,0.0,0.17781981839204614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211271180525275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatamarvel,2019/10/08,The extent of my self-care today: rolled myself 2 cigs for my 30 min walk to uni tomorrow at 8.30am. Too tired and numb to do much but Future-Me-Self-Care,3.9472727272727286,3.7873038787878777,4.790454545454548,90.10568181818184,70.81818181818181,7.8121212121212125,19.53030303030303,7.1686216300943375,0.08864848484848498,120,1,28,1,2,39,29,33,0.12300000000000001,0.877,0.0,-0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27562951852363354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7823039288779324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309469379762744,0.3554063421345401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,13LillyLollipip,2019/10/08,I feel like i'm the only person on this whole damn Island with BPD. I live in Ireland and basically the doctor told me that there is not much support or advice for BPD in this country and I should keep any notes and pamphlets I got at university (in the UK) and use that as support. Like I feel so alone. Are there no other people in the whole country with BPD? Like what the heck why is there no support system or proper help for me and others with BPD here. I just feel even more abandoned and alone now.,5.307411003236247,5.138780145631067,5.6545145631067975,85.09821197411006,67.93203883495146,7.64336569579288,26.875404530744337,6.42735559955562,0.9951695792880262,397,10,83,2,6,127,62,103,0.18899999999999997,0.722,0.08900000000000001,-0.8609,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,20,15,10,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,8,6,12,12,4,8,0,1,0,0,3,6,2,2,4,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450446017825775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26391854155405003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664378340006229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418782902755079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041045846507818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415370003738526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326834304491444,0.09102237482797056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190213863536236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854008428247175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324866509580525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867395948450052,0.0,0.11250616195480932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366167406599897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690173337078263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883306778703766,0.11125028635814817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337531497823877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121746578247744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004211231634263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496852279634187,0.2844994470218006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Victorious_me,2019/10/08,"dissociating is the worst last night i spent like, 4+ hours picking out shit for a bathroom remodel for a house i don't own yet, and a renovation which (even if i did own the house), i can't afford.

just hours and hours of trance-like Pinteresting of tiles, bathtubs, faucets, sinks... while my brain did fuck knows what.

i checked the time and it was 8 something, kept doing what i was doing, ate something, went back to my COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME, checked the time again and it was after midnight.

i hope i can be in charge of my brain someday and not the other way around...",5.231340075853346,5.5735551681415965,5.116333754740836,87.13318584070801,68.11504424778761,7.87307206068268,29.417193426042985,7.447530270364453,1.4526697850821737,446,15,96,4,7,138,73,113,0.133,0.8190000000000001,0.049,-0.8842,1,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,8,0,12,5,3,1,0,14,19,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,1,1,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,9,0,11,2,11,9,3,18,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,14,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298764247448726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214610909798805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836946765280144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018700062949494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350879745059607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588774452620054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069107859159482,0.5077285255868365,0.3965958590989645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444717232375302,0.14008499759681667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395981336471835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612745467479845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640698433259774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646051948253824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006306027793737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641072904902693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593115744677133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d0nttellmetosmile,2019/10/08,"DAE only keep it together because having a breakdown would cost too much money? When I get in these dark places, I think about crashing my car into something, hurting myself to the point of hospitalization, committing myself to a psych ward, staying in bed and missing work for days, driving as far as I can and not caring about where, abusing my body to the point that I collapse at work, etc.

But I can't do that because I don't actually want to die at this point, and if I don't die I'm going to come out of those situations either jobless or with mountains of medical debt or repair costs or lawsuits that I won't ever get out of.

But that doesn't change the fact that I want those things. It doesn't make me less unwell to be able to see long term outcomes and be afraid of them. 

But I wonder if anyone else has these thoughts, where the fear of poverty is the only thing preventing your life from falling apart.",10.41,6.580627692307693,9.591758241758246,72.6032417582418,60.53846153846154,11.93846153846154,39.736263736263744,8.841846274778883,3.4287384615384617,728,25,143,7,7,232,116,182,0.201,0.792,0.006999999999999999,-0.9848,2,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,1,2,7,5,0,2,7,0,14,3,1,1,3,31,29,15,2,5,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,14,9,0,2,3,0,4,5,7,4,0,0,1,1,17,1,27,24,5,26,0,2,1,0,2,15,0,6,5,101,31,3,0.14289529945984078,0.16930756344762582,0.1394451993780456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991571586352242,0.1464131208818402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421529648900172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872446426055306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456912812717886,0.0,0.1511642795879671,0.1230916476701362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215564671842144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966055211620538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937068677435728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593660315642485,0.0,0.1292569792717114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079693915033888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931379236355866,0.0,0.08121069170649581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297237350263904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701190780231944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093117592454433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645784336912128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953837219896288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395198085782984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504448684686696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735662869602626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929517422139188,0.0,0.40524673749633344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386905295270484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606203036712113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000778275687634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230737639961306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986657495318174,0.0915615380345616,0.0,0.11344290621127412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856669982192216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549638567588242,0.20805895976313354,0.0,0.0,0.10150872086983936,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hukuna-matata,2019/10/08,"Falling through the system....I need HELP NOW!!! I'm too ill to be in a rehab long term crisis home but not ill enough to be sectioned or go back to hospital. I am on a very high amount of meds and being in hospital for 6 weeks has only made me worse. I have no fixed abode (homeless) and I am falling through the system 

 All my support network of which is very few people are four hours away. No one can help me or support me in the way I need. It's no wonder so many people with mental health problems are living on the street. I'm literally crying out for somebody to HELP ME!

All I want is to live a ""normal"" life, go back to work and have a family of my own one day. Why should I have to beg and cry out this much just to get some support",2.145105485232065,3.1641815063291148,3.73487341772152,91.73665611814349,75.70886075949367,6.279324894514768,22.66033755274261,6.42735559955562,0.336466666666666,570,15,131,4,12,190,97,158,0.201,0.6759999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,8,0,15,5,0,1,2,23,28,8,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,1,0,12,3,24,23,10,25,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,4,8,90,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412176724281325,0.2031689908955079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902334349267212,0.08520007122849195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365050260042152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454162420708527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690220632037976,0.0,0.15016240380906448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042683535376085,0.0,0.0,0.2656518019183728,0.1395815509380008,0.13251718000642287,0.0,0.13010181545319038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331325517384344,0.0,0.0,0.2333112387938875,0.1169132619227434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500575025679758,0.0,0.13393888377228305,0.0,0.0,0.14674451476666922,0.0,0.13313588617792604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711610823869822,0.19591589801138493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294398269855296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904241601351728,0.1004756675598507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831769879921713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641150295725054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497508534116051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800930036127567,0.07792194696143738,0.10486283083696676,0.10597073595453636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920879714433805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432677443416438,0.09617771033449574,0.0,0.13463145613957989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,actualvsliteral,2019/10/08,"Looking for recommendations for compulsive acting out Having a lot of issues with my FP, who has ended our friendship. We also work together, and the behaving in a way that is causing serious triggers. I am having very strong compulsions to act out. Ie. this person created a meme thread on FB about work with current and former employees that I am very upset over. 

What are good techniques to better manage compulsive reactions. I feel better only when I act out.",4.924126506024095,7.771318686746991,6.085165662650603,69.9140135542169,72.97590361445782,8.969277108433735,29.65210843373494,9.516144504307137,3.5637963855421693,373,16,54,10,8,124,64,83,0.047,0.7609999999999999,0.192,0.9186,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,5,3,6,0,1,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,9,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,4,14,9,1,14,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,4,42,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056101548417526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436163559204574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576359923195264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221303117534011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268097054246964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035530853379686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26176527116540044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060499751619025,0.0,0.0,0.21321730682524911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074122647756767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898489663480009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138649918365167,0.0,0.19906973948531648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651641213148106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nootnootbaguette,2019/10/08,"Unable to cope with any little trigger. How do I cope so I stop being disgusting and overwhelmed so easily. I would say I’m a self aware person. I am highly sensitive and I read cues well normally but when something small that is related to a trauma occurs, I just lose it.

My SO hates this part me and he says it is invalid. I don’t want to make him mad anymore. I am extremely afraid of his family as they have hurt and tormented me for the entirety of our relationship. We’ve gotten away from them but every time they text him or anytime he shows signs of wanting to interact with them for any reason at all, my mind starts running at a million miles. Before I know it, I’ve just lost it. 

I hate feeling like this, I wish I could step out of my skin and just feel like the entire world wasn’t on my shoulders for once. 

Anyone has tips for coping? I have so many triggers and I have no access to any professional help. I’ve had very bad experiences and now I’m scared of it too.",2.525048287971906,4.221591572139303,4.108738659642963,86.66396839332752,76.06467661691542,7.3164764413227985,23.26631548141645,8.124751697461798,1.2182622768510387,770,23,161,13,17,257,130,201,0.205,0.6990000000000001,0.096,-0.9836,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,4,2,12,15,4,3,5,0,15,2,2,5,1,34,29,17,0,6,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,8,10,0,1,4,2,0,2,3,12,1,1,4,5,28,3,23,22,2,17,0,4,0,0,17,10,0,1,7,105,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29852171932682875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511686352229738,0.10231509878740566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374788426423852,0.0,0.12217676348928247,0.0,0.0,0.12451332683914065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683004075033247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328663756480553,0.0,0.0,0.14313568545741234,0.1379438815377028,0.0,0.1479744504662004,0.20907178614607366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28893483597670666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980797676477295,0.1546022950160386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566458626793515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804173809000634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297576360474554,0.1466578921053138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370225698991162,0.1597329843801247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767427329860354,0.14835240534244484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774835197216107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433691930198613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558332633025621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845766179779805,0.0,0.0,0.127766915124548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463663951916637,0.0,0.0,0.15044831809419398,0.0,0.15710021879124025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327298843347849,0.14649865079547578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152650762045433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264951727441355,0.0,0.0,0.1035708601147088,0.0,0.0,0.12233575444100968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532433210759174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073493217475802,0.17261467223139304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315653637188138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682685951969492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394635832632323,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fcukfcukfcukfcuk,2019/10/08,"ugh i feel as if my boyfriend doesn’t care about how i feel. 
he tells me he listens, but i don’t see it. i need help because i wanna open up to him but i also don’t wanna scare him.",-0.9391860465116296,0.31711037209302617,1.7745930232558145,101.48654069767444,84.81395348837209,4.3,17.726744186046513,3.1291,-1.0624837209302327,138,3,38,0,4,48,30,43,0.14800000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.135,-0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,9,6,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,10,1,6,9,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314305318917286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239586959729728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007194757578603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974547576865565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634391961691133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914261807156577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934908058105823,0.0,0.31319339637853494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435248548374745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trappedinanarrative,2019/10/08,"Do you ever have rage events at people in your dreams? I had a horrible morning at work, was treated like shite but managed to hold my tongue and not send that snarky response email. Had a long nap in the afternoon, but remember having dreams where I was just letting people have it.  Woke up kind of scared I had lost it on someone in real life. Felt very real.",3.326666666666668,5.2182664788732405,3.8165492957746494,88.77627934272303,74.35211267605635,6.423474178403758,24.509389671361504,7.1686216300943375,0.9860685446009392,284,9,56,3,6,89,56,71,0.151,0.757,0.092,-0.6848,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,2,3,6,1,1,3,0,10,1,0,0,1,11,13,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,8,1,6,3,9,4,0,13,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,38,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379167096050009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269326025389495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461216533179456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416833960756533,0.16694065476771544,0.11546843637825965,0.0,0.0,0.20916188659425475,0.0,0.0,0.2580034193123035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277099942213011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380349916286873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677379311408553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366270997599597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025818024040765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950131054798132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206526454776416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CoughsFromHouston,2019/10/08,"I get mad everytime a guy I've rejected starts dating someone else I found out two things today. I have absolutely no reason to be mad about either of them but I'm going through the roof and I don't know why, ughhhh. 

​

1) One of my guy friends is dating a girl. We've always understood each other really well because he also struggles with mental health issues and it was kind of like he was the guy version of me. One day he told me that he likes me more than a friend and asked me out on a date but I told him we should just stay friends. I don't want to sound like a shallow bitch but I'm just not physically attracted to him, at all. But of course I didn't tell him that, I wouldn't want to hurt him. Anyway, our friendship hasn't been the same since then, I feel like he hates me for rejecting him. Now I hear he's dating a girl and I'm raging???? I guess I'm mad that he's not ""waiting for me"", that he's over me, idk. God I'm the devil, why do I want someone to ""wait for me"" and be in love with me when I don't have a thing for them? I mean, I don't want that but I kinda do? At least my reaction to this seems to imply that. God I'm horrible. 

​

2) This one's basically the same situation, except it's a guy I was actually attracted to at some point. We were fuckbuddies for like 3 months. All of a sudden, everything he'd say or do either annoy the hell outta me, or disgust me to the point that I literally felt like vomiting. And I have no idea why, he didn't change or anything, but I just couldn't be around him anymore because once I looked at his annoying face, all I could think about was how I wanna punch him. (Again, I'm probably a very horrible person lol.) Obviously I ended things with him. This was like a year ago, I've never thought about him since then but now one of my friends tells me he's got a girlfriend and suddenly I'm thinking about all the hot sex we've had. The same stuff that would make me gag before I knew he was in a relationship. What the hell, brain? 

​

Please guys, tell me I'm not the only one who does this. Also, do you know why this happens? 

​

By the way, I'm sorry if this topic has already been discussed. Also sorry if this was hard to follow, English isn't my first language. Thank you so much for reading all this crap, hope you all have a nice day x",1.4406910569105733,3.2198088414634185,3.2561138211382143,91.19132520325206,79.48780487804878,6.405853658536586,21.502439024390238,7.3871296695380915,0.5887443902439027,1818,52,409,25,45,608,222,492,0.182,0.682,0.135,-0.9732,0,1,0,0,0,0,77.0,3,3,2,1,19,36,12,1,26,1,38,7,3,3,8,80,83,27,0,13,21,0,4,7,5,3,2,3,0,8,25,16,0,2,14,1,0,2,16,17,1,7,21,8,62,19,46,53,17,39,3,3,1,2,55,13,4,10,29,260,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.06296356749136184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719431757819371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120095622584116,0.1547931923264689,0.0536869636236155,0.27963558832225904,0.3136021951763291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639878796093731,0.0,0.0,0.053095604851264314,0.057437714763088614,0.0603187881530549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866327867461803,0.0,0.05490294907263664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202720765569957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825507340927907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051515078267535576,0.0,0.0,0.08322191524334355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646310155328179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053899340577735134,0.0,0.05714679891931392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057987663286844064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032623952488607624,0.0460940925710402,0.061950650908257465,0.0,0.0,0.0548818597814034,0.0,0.07074437179261885,0.19939625766366875,0.0,0.03370976227509439,0.0,0.036668991769444687,0.0,0.05160364822740245,0.0,0.07107758322924762,0.3194315914274246,0.057056050436946365,0.0,0.057798490471023665,0.06370151287272935,0.0,0.0685832184245493,0.07272029369256447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408429678483954,0.0,0.0,0.06907148045473446,0.07283679362681113,0.0,0.06734356602333351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718909691720579,0.07091853507078738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065323796896472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054181715901166536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823307186922274,0.0,0.04306852759261665,0.0,0.0,0.07028270676510358,0.0,0.0,0.06502238364116276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150035643428323,0.0,0.04743064420057397,0.0,0.04976287214216808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871317260662788,0.2186068121128748,0.049071423116885705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563375874079196,0.0,0.07082510875596612,0.12198713387438335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956496918735088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453884853253497,0.0,0.04133405339973442,0.06633873301819793,0.0,0.06927182439465744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130999753874017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058737848498393065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067455180111775,0.07252474359671349,0.0,0.0,0.10933752556305414,0.0,0.0,0.14445282313219096,0.04566857060717082,0.0687712149012074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745176396727508,0.0738615528003601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918361135903445,0.05940262546691369,0.0,0.0,0.12859542988649342,0.08268540050665478,0.0,0.05122277506510098,0.0,0.0,0.061158731658000676,0.12330590272040302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302802087724663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323690243248124,0.15222554563903815,0.051214074673054624,0.0,0.0,0.05801247663480071,0.0,0.2328820685044076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583414291748076,0.0,0.3136021951763291,0.0415496585380004
bpd,misterchatnoir,2019/10/08,"DAE have jealous parents? DAE have a parent that is jealous of your relationships with other people? I work at costumer services so I have to be kind and nice all the time and my mom always says ""why cant you be like that at home"". Also im not an affectioned person but I let my boyfriend kiss me a lot (unless I tell him to stop which he respects and my mom doesnt) and she says to him ""you are so lucky, she never let me kiss her!! She is so mean to me!!!!"" Like she was n o t a good parent im just living with her cause she doesnt have a job and Im not gonna let her be homeless ofc but why is she like thiiiiiiiss I dont understand!!",-1.6371276595744708,0.3108402340425549,1.4701382978723423,97.07925,97.01418439716312,3.9547517730496455,15.560638297872341,5.6839178017228535,-0.826452765957447,487,12,120,4,20,171,80,141,0.086,0.7240000000000001,0.19,0.9602,4,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,1,5,12,2,0,6,0,19,2,0,2,2,22,22,12,0,0,6,5,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,1,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,2,25,10,10,14,2,5,0,0,0,2,25,2,0,2,6,81,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023360970814207,0.10647976643195473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145855817507818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499777389088515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733362724425058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836250559471984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146827400923253,0.0,0.12698866014033444,0.0,0.0,0.13325915387345652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925683632317376,0.0,0.18755634772589905,0.0,0.11299823612885455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879395957401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939484924161205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997495416077638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869693953692896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262805170137791,0.0,0.0,0.08871701444608683,0.11173686764241572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373899208301282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353084565751012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698711781986077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184981856377776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461926739085639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321937510178514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309427334574771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316234981985493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,exspiravitfemina,2019/10/08,"How have you been able to have a healthy romantic relationship with BPD? I’m just losing hope in ever being able to have a healthy long term relationship because I’m always too clingy, so I tried to be more distant with recent people that I’ve began dating, but that just ends up never progressing and slowly fading out. I feel like a lot of people in my age group 18-21 want a clingier relationship in the beginning, but then expect it to settle down after a month or two of being official. I can’t just give somebody space once I’m used to texting them daily and spending most free time with them. How do I get a nice medium point where the relationship can progress and we still communicate often, but I’m not planning our marriage after the third date? What worked for you?",10.585982339955848,7.28279529139073,10.01043046357616,68.11732339955853,59.66225165562914,12.450772626931567,38.41169977924945,10.125756701596842,3.735316997792495,623,20,114,9,6,202,104,151,0.012,0.8220000000000001,0.166,0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,2,2,5,11,5,0,0,9,0,10,0,0,3,2,28,22,11,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,11,5,19,17,4,27,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,5,19,79,15,1,0.3056675061863782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716992583022574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316603733399843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248876182171026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353653417793078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382468795702835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727733770438264,0.10918446374740212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984932801065721,0.14661206232946536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179840167800854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746668518302733,0.0,0.0,0.13525306208973742,0.0,0.1709818763512637,0.0,0.1299337914930985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199044359992682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787481228748148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627629590901401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119113616613296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447729690772962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090489317816866,0.6563450175467203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205323264362795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911859048512369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376408607924073,0.0,0.14929636915915406,0.0,0.0,0.13199929188399034,0.0,0.0,0.0901453073603646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126479249305586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,munwolfex,2019/10/08,"How to stop feeling unloveable? I was emotionally abused by my narcissistic father who I’m no longer in contact with. I’ve also have had a string of unstable relationships where I’d give my all and not receive much in return. These two things combined make me feel like I’m unloveable. During my episodes I’m convinced that no one really cares about me and wouldn’t miss me unless I died. I know logically that’s not true but idk how to convince myself that. My current bf is thinking about just being friends which is killing me. He’s the best bf I’ve ever had, and the thought of not receiving physical affection is too painful to think about. I have no idea what to do about feeling unloveable, did anyone here figure out how to deal with it?",4.068839080459772,6.040460751724138,4.5031896551724175,84.29869252873566,72.51724137931033,7.316091954022987,29.32471264367816,8.07648339933343,2.0116781609195407,599,25,114,9,12,189,97,145,0.188,0.6729999999999999,0.139,-0.7964,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,13,13,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,5,3,32,26,9,2,1,6,1,3,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,6,0,2,5,3,13,7,18,19,3,10,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,0,5,79,22,0,0.0,0.2380563058989053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067494985840847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048732221625002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108522235820445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048504361824877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20713879320724166,0.0,0.0,0.2085223283568796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600697009849524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174284934762308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304772236191838,0.1435366614250187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522961582102762,0.0,0.0,0.1927399304730196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681323360434294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228724065793934,0.0,0.11041989536430748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815893454977914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411507458592292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769867325830896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614799739072195,0.0,0.2137921124378912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287139348500561,0.0,0.0,0.2157119459311424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679773831664201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348173739743788,0.2574817221756611,0.0,0.15950734056512464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626878821843355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mermaidp00,2019/10/08,I’m in such a dissociative state that a guy in my class approached me to ask about homework and I didn’t recognize him. He sits next to me. I need a thousand year nap.,0.20916666666666828,2.3078449166666672,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,85.94444444444444,5.822222222222222,22.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,0.6903555555555552,131,5,31,2,4,44,29,36,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,6,0,5,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,19,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703853555086498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982061055769837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730857152384843,0.0,0.0,0.5351148633002004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240176320032796
bpd,Mx_Guardian,2019/10/08,"The most painful thing I've had to hear from my boyfriend. Do you want me?

""I don't know.""",-2.082666666666668,-0.24740259999999736,-1.1899999999999995,115.46833333333332,100.0,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.7333333333333332,68,2,20,0,3,20,18,20,0.156,0.7809999999999999,0.063,-0.4391,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6029771273689465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940187146038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5692713426690911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554262456343779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155533261789581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,papa-pasta-bandit,2019/10/08,"Gifted and talented Was anyone else gifted in elementary school? It's really common that a gifted kid ends up with a garbage work ethic and depressed. I have to think it's kinda influenced my borderline? Like, I was already in a kinda shit place even in elementary school and school was a sort of safe haven mentally, but as I progressed it just got less and less stimulating like it does for all gifted kids so I guess I lost my safe place? I know it's pretty common for borderlines to be able to hold down jobs but I think this whole thing makes it even harder. Once things stopped coming naturally i just started giving up to me because it had been so long since I actually enjoyed learning. Now I'm struggling even more to keep down a job (I've been dodging calls until they stop calling).",3.5823249299719886,5.895166359477128,4.482600373482729,82.3895588235294,74.94771241830065,7.247245564892625,25.30765639589169,8.192908349453996,1.7078126984126984,635,22,117,11,14,205,97,153,0.111,0.722,0.16699999999999998,0.8815,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,8,10,1,1,5,0,8,1,1,3,1,28,20,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,6,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,8,0,13,6,18,11,5,19,0,2,0,0,6,9,1,4,11,74,24,7,0.13294314235800225,0.0,0.12973332966257234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467060634327098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295693621873856,0.1362159598394921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104090564780267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714996245638241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145187455511156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450373370945255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633943976551467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105693654867796,0.0,0.11774816451398205,0.0,0.0,0.2634230751324708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753117606018546,0.0,0.0,0.10632677553087326,0.0,0.14645185944973624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26385111065386274,0.11816597329620815,0.0,0.0,0.07306207427642503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989860827723462,0.0,0.0,0.11765049751011435,0.0,0.0,0.1451231442575682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874057984438516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397541893607795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415801078164747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777945765172668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525096970049494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516678119825087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036366726857969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364642251861993,0.10997194115506603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940978404155925,0.0,0.0,0.2222928396222985,0.0,0.13898103744342405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664303303497395,0.17036919522838895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842627076939066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967841909818093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madeupsleep,2019/10/08,"Are FPs ultimately good/bad? I’m an FP of a close friend who has BPD, and am currently in the process of determining boundaries + what is healthy for me and ultimately, for him. 

I am worried that, by being this close with him - constantly acting as a voice of reason, being strict damage control, involving myself deeply in his life - I am not only preventing him from being independent, but am also acting as an enabler. 


What I want to know is : 
what is the role of an FP to someone with BPD? Is having an FP an unhealthy thing for those with BPD? Does having an FP stunt their emotional growth? What is the best distance to have between one with BPD and their FP?",6.847232142857141,6.4680363125000016,7.213303571428572,75.91562500000002,64.78125,10.126785714285717,33.129464285714285,9.606745405546679,2.939012053571428,520,19,99,9,7,170,77,128,0.061,0.804,0.135,0.848,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,3,1,3,0,0,11,0,17,1,0,3,0,17,20,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,9,9,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,11,2,21,17,1,9,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,2,77,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803883332558508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368403893952185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680241551986865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8066049829501871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302057609941027,0.17957547057203496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011216268953502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801006865125052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123699549461929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429154326672207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799152942532712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308947779682585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849376807576187,0.12176984667893215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461836310023134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565954356320178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636907583727907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443623281991173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259811071662295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KittyAnoyn,2019/10/08,"How do you get over your favorite person ? I have got better, but still think of her and him a lot. We were in a brief poly relationship and are still friends just not together, they are a married couple. We have known each other since 2003. Anyways we “broke up” but I still hang on to them emotionally. I know it’s not healthy. How do you truly get over your favorite person??",1.8440540540540555,4.2816027972973005,2.6877702702702737,92.26787162162165,81.83783783783784,5.321621621621622,21.41216216216216,6.6274283507984215,0.33795135135135146,293,9,61,3,8,92,53,74,0.079,0.722,0.198,0.8721,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,4,2,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,17,12,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,14,2,7,10,2,10,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,1,3,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044412322516648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26328300181305986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26765750659159043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838366838939512,0.0,0.24863419139830395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030735437286325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307690371603793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022933942467907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155309781240556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255465225540555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683159836246497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700725521794109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246635030860253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Slutforpearl,2019/10/08,"I lost the person I like because of alcohol. I have a dealt with a considerable amount of alcohol abuse lately, and I did things I wasn't proud of (i.e. hooking up with a lot of people). This guy and I were seeing each other, but I'm pretty sure he was told about what I did while I was under the influence of alcohol and he stopped talking to me since. I miss him so much and am in so much pain because I feel like I've lost everybody because of alcohol and because of my BPD ways. I hate this mental illness so much. It literally makes me not want to ever get out of bed again or to do anything because whatever I do I mess up.

This was a rant, sorry about that, I'm sick and sad.",4.9054166666666665,4.1965764861111134,6.425833333333332,81.05250000000002,68.8611111111111,9.7,31.19444444444445,9.188382445141503,2.421127777777778,530,19,116,9,8,183,85,144,0.27699999999999997,0.647,0.076,-0.9837,0,0,4,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,11,1,0,6,0,11,7,0,2,2,22,23,12,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,7,0,1,2,8,10,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,10,2,17,4,20,13,6,11,0,4,1,0,7,5,0,2,7,82,25,0,0.0,0.1534316996428404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535677818637349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656425408757617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946980941043088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163095801005593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713663357096868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547711758959672,0.0925120376053051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676563659530363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822149542443845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278505861746651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607723792258995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653050383381756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827205742138195,0.11009295088556416,0.0,0.0,0.08643965033290507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050160801684005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28558359402550604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779297741228086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977628861354732,0.11307099704460034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317440853845947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319162343068433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712050965346702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449602786431008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826453558312987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220485389439464,0.0,0.0,0.10408405758183713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603145278103032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237390701622461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638015316682145,0.10278797428916636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,affliction308,2019/10/08,"Thoughts  

Essentially, I have DID along with BPD (I have 'alters' and the symptoms of BPD) and I think a lot. I have been extremely depressed recently, and believe I have entered mania the past few days, because I can't stop thinking about everything including but not limited to death, life, bread, sandwiches, Wal-mart, Ingles, money, debt, school, college, and Sprite. I think I've found something to ease this process along.

I have been told what I think is called being a ' ni·hil·is·tic' person. I don't agree with this.

Nihilistic people are usually edgy, depressed teens who watch too much Rick and Morty, who make scrapbooks out of Polaroid photos and share them on Tumblr, who complain on Twitter when their dog doesn't love them, therefore life is meaningless. That's not us.

We don't believe life is meaningless. We believe it isn't real. The keyboard I'm typing on isn't real, the computer I'm looking at isn't real, and the flannel we so desperately cling to isn't real. We don't know what it is; whether that be a video game or simulation or what have you, but we know one thing.

It's

Not

Real.

None of it is. None. Not friends, family, dogs, cats birds bees flowers trees mints dresses shirts organs brains computers phones or people. We don't know if we are real, but we know everyone else isn't.

We mean, why would we feel so empty if life was real? We have blood and organs and feelings yet... we don't feel any of it. That isn't logical. We pride ourselves on being the most logical person we can be, and we cannot find another solution than this. So we can now bask in the glory of knowledge that this isn't real, and that we aren't *really* here, we're somewhere else. Somewhere where there will be no sadness. Feelings of sadness will be gone. That is our purpose. To aid research to help end our problems. At least, that's what we started here to do.

And in the grand scheme of things, this makes sense. I know you might be doubting me, and that's fine. You can believe what you want. It doesn't affect me. Nothing here or anywhere else affects me. whoever created this simulation must be concerned finding out that I found out where I was. They'll get their answers, soon enough. But for now. Now, I'm going to have fun. For what's the point of consciousness if not to enjoy it? I can make whatever choices I want, say whatever I want, offend whoever I want. This is what life is supposed to be, even if it is false.

I should go now, I don't want THEM to pull me out. I have much more to tell.",2.477285714285713,4.8438698714285735,3.3369387755102053,88.94948979591837,78.85714285714286,6.367346938775513,25.306122448979593,7.523968598718282,1.3314285714285714,1967,75,389,29,49,624,226,490,0.127,0.785,0.08800000000000001,-0.9772,2,0,1,0,0,0,86.0,21,4,6,2,19,17,1,1,12,0,64,12,3,6,1,110,100,30,1,13,18,0,4,0,1,7,6,1,0,2,36,39,2,2,24,3,2,5,26,8,0,1,10,8,55,9,39,74,10,34,0,4,2,1,47,15,0,12,14,266,91,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667627624097575,0.07197305493668069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04184116171822652,0.0,0.0,0.30932663315376696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728946221776096,0.07662284345152343,0.07008719613266537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426591000103882,0.0,0.11823582673913152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201502888893427,0.0,0.06079300267034277,0.07092152751359862,0.0,0.04533483183102068,0.0,0.0,0.06558666640221048,0.06168751768618524,0.0,0.06470591220222402,0.0,0.1388219860613582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546799891677649,0.0,0.0,0.15051631463636958,0.053029642315218686,0.0,0.03586058548790954,0.0,0.07801725229460646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046006685932597435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860858234694872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24240567501122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057638735007957576,0.0,0.0,0.05835367627620591,0.06194858435808994,0.0,0.13744943701793835,0.0,0.0,0.0747670361393736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281419999352046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091383363791706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586012864603602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046510967416729866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552285342407811,0.09517006204111296,0.11986432018934312,0.0,0.0,0.06488521050709695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567741238143973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6250016714353054,0.04397133813661235,0.0,0.06777186429968847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458378905513263,0.0,0.06946544325261256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284097919478125,0.0,0.0,0.04858241559238337,0.0,0.0,0.05738454288666115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134128918279478,0.0,0.0,0.05999274343519955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120023588747704,0.1759221467818927,0.0,0.054491001424449285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558666640221048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256320883310928,0.0,0.07559519358110803,0.0,0.20242271171642068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619352285700755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048758552105594176,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sleepyynugget,2019/10/08,"Has anyone tried to tell a healthcare professional they think they have BPD? I’ve been very unwell for as long as I can remember but particularly bad this summer. Over the summer I’ve seen 5 sets of healthcare professionals who have all said they can’t help me/I’m too complex for their services (UK) and have just referred me back and forth. I fit all of the diagnostic criteria for BPD and have been heavily researching it for 4 years. However I know that if you are to raise such things then the professionals can get annoyed with you for self diagnosis and will ignore it without sending you for the appropriate testing even if the evidence is there. So I have been waiting for them to pick it up based off of how I describe my thoughts/feelings and everyday life. I’ve not been holding anything back. I know I will not get appropriate support until either someone finally picks it up themselves or I mention it. Out if those that have raised the possibility themselves, what did you say, how did it go, what happened next ect? I’m also looking for advice on how to get help for BPD in the U.K. when all healthcare professionals cannot seem to pick it up themselves. Thanks in advance, I’m in desperate need of this advice.",6.87321428571429,7.403123439655175,6.945270935960593,74.7839655172414,64.60344827586206,9.904433497536948,35.536945812807886,9.784248007369934,3.417294581280789,986,44,179,19,14,316,135,232,0.077,0.863,0.06,-0.5909,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,5,1,13,5,1,0,8,0,21,1,0,6,3,37,39,20,0,4,10,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,16,7,0,3,7,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,8,4,19,2,33,29,4,27,0,0,2,0,18,11,0,5,12,127,35,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819317297573425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536193856202613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086755806388363,0.0,0.1187108776433792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184881821329147,0.12044822251424675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450583549736809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528011359212243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294046358389487,0.0,0.0,0.15802603719010347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261043344003364,0.0,0.08198434140533149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756562132041574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338429567772344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585592924879444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018926918557146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766253785431927,0.1211391990894432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696442958998442,0.0,0.0,0.15341851424528685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626276241523635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634145891770964,0.0,0.13722104635138116,0.11471862608527066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313257766939639,0.15049107889840724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222813597570775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370066265197614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260866132803779,0.13281208158852634,0.0,0.0,0.09583766481561397,0.09243379456676032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794075167200993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190267900418185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905819971709296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289651082506316
bpd,BabyLem0nade,2019/10/08,"How do you cope? Hi, all. This is my first time posting here. A friend suggested I join this community, because even though I don’t yet have a official diagnosis, I am certain BPD is what is causing so much pain and destruction in my life. 
Just recently, I completely ruined what could have been a really good and healthy relationship because, like I do, started getting insecure (for totally made up reasons I convinced myself were true) and lashing out. 
The worst part is I could feel how irrational I was being, but couldn’t control my reactions to my internal dialogue. 
Obviously, most “normal” people, don’t want to deal with that type of irrational behavior, so things ended rather abruptly when this ugly part of me surfaced. 
Anyway, I’m feeling really down about it. Feeling like I’ll never be able to find or have a long lasting and loving relationship. I don’t really see the point in life if you have no one to share it with, so this deeply depresses me. 
I am working on getting into a therapist, but in the meantime, what are ways you cope with living with an affliction like this?",7.936583072100313,7.737376236453207,8.290031347962389,68.49673981191226,62.4975369458128,12.11088222122705,38.65158978952083,11.567385478589935,4.7338019704433485,868,41,148,24,11,287,129,203,0.133,0.7170000000000001,0.149,-0.28800000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,0,3,14,16,1,1,9,0,24,4,0,6,6,38,35,15,0,7,6,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,4,4,20,10,20,26,7,23,0,2,1,1,11,10,0,3,14,117,32,2,0.1352736759324244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492315456707965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037245935736986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896332803158742,0.0,0.0,0.14183187552576054,0.0,0.15172093011234972,0.21601004582569874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946122003915198,0.11651101886213805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981232552190713,0.0,0.0,0.08934698715694381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519530521185048,0.09663954111508248,0.0,0.0,0.12363768911296608,0.11506371964353082,0.0,0.0,0.10451210646452937,0.0,0.14134982491922932,0.0,0.0,0.11346114135603368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026610062194392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109559565788864,0.19826365536984625,0.0,0.11944913417696135,0.11971294638586327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208977396593765,0.12799922294790994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944171659897323,0.0,0.10433139823668124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253948109286076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166494372206067,0.0,0.14394072869539873,0.0,0.0,0.2929764174226569,0.0,0.0937817343473029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787734807226844,0.0,0.12955478844548704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599793420482455,0.13908386865744402,0.13356643544540694,0.29046660638288385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779560577627856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574740407475897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706316397520634,0.08986981946818441,0.0,0.13290569978164002,0.0,0.07887916827828198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978791888503442,0.1073739474838278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848084718050956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MonkeyTwins1992,2019/10/08,"(27F) Help, How Can I Stop Hurting My Friends How Can We Still Be Friends. I Feel Like Dying, I Need Help. FEELING: I hate being alone in my thoughts, always crying and panic attacks. Its torment. It's a roller coaster everyday, that I'm trapped buckled in, and I'm afraid of heights. Sometimes I can enjoy the ride, the rush of life, then sometimes I'm paralyzed with pain/fear for the big drops that I feel will kill me. 

​

My friends were hurting because of me. I feel like I'm losing everything. My family of friends, I think they fucking hate me and they're distancing themselves. I know its because they need time to process/take care of themselves, but I feel like I'm losing them forever because my episodes are staining the good times we had. I feel like they're better off without me but I don't want them to leave. I admire and respect my friends so much, but then out of nowhere I feel like I fucking hate them and they're betraying me. I can't control it. 

I tried so hard to get help to forget the past. For 8 years, I've gone to 10 different psychiatrists/therapists. Raised by abusive BPD mom and passive dad, throughout adolescence/young adult years I've had 3 episodes of extreme anger that makes others afraid of me - they're always shocked telling me it doesn't seem like me. Few accepted me for who I was, the rest left. So I tried to hide it for so long, hoping to make new memories, grow into a different person, and make new friends to focus positivism on. 

At my core, I know I'm a generally carefree, soft spoken, silly, creative, simple, protective, workaholic, a try hard in being a good, endearing friend - large successful in my career/being independent on my own in a new city for 6 years. If I try really hard, I rely on memories/images from childhood, college, and now being a 5 year career woman in entertainment that I know many people in life never get to live/achieve these stories. But mostly I fall into daily depression, paranoia, anxiety, fear of abandonment, fear of doing something socially inappropriate, negativity, BW thinking, all or nothing thinking, over generalization thinking. 

I continued to try to hide it for so long to my close family of friends I've built in this new city, who knew a bit but not everything, and together we pact together like a real family - a community. (Finding closeness to many people I've known from a year to 7 years at this point) Faked a confidence that I knew what I was doing to be a giving friend, leading friend so we can learn and grow through life together.

​

Then it all came out.

​

THE EPISODE: Shit really hit the fan this past January. I learned I still had feelings for an ex who we decided to remain as friends was getting arranged Korean marriage to someone else + doesn't love me anymore and wouldn't be around anymore. I had a health scare thinking I was permanently infected with an STD. I had a financial scare being in between jobs and thought I was going to go homeless. The paranoia started more intensely. I wanted to kill myself - trashed my room and wrote a will. 3 local close friends like sisters tried to intervene in fear for my life for 4 months, but I'd given up at this point. I'd already gone to therapy before hand and medication wasn't a financial option for me. They were heavily involved in taking me to therapists, checking in on me, late night drive bys, they were heartbroken I'd quit the new therapist/psychiatrist they found for me when I had given up. I felt so ashamed receiving help, and that they were seeing this side of me. A part of me had hope maybe they wouldn't leave me, they wouldn't see me different. But because I was so out of mind - I wore them down greatly. I knew I had to pay them back by recovering but the recovery was so slow and the episodes continued, they decreased significantly in May/June, but still happened. Until July I lashed at them (they said something they didn't mean out of frustration and I got angry with them out of projection/telling them I worked damn hard But I was tired). It hadn't been the same, but they brushed it off to ensure they didn't cause another episode.

​

I turned myself in for mental health care in July after that. 

Because even though I didn't want to be alive anymore, if I couldn't kill myself, then I can't be destroying the people that care about me in life. I ended up finding on my own a specialist for Personality/Mood Disorders / Trauma / Depression/Anxiety. He ended up being a good fit and I seen him twice weekly from July-October. 

​

I'm scared I've lost/losing my closest friends now that were there for me during the episodes. I'm so paranoia of losing more people, I know I should be focusing of the ones present, but I can't control my mind. 

After 3 months with this new therapist to stabilize, I asked my friends to talk and listen to their residual hurt/pain. 

My friend of 7-8 years (who came out to city with me from the mid west) was the most open/transparent. She let me know her hurt/misunderstandings and is super proud of me and happy that I've made a lot of progress. I'm still learning to mitigate my anxiety texts to her and reserve it for therapy, because I know it's wearing her out these past 9 months. She has been super sweet and present, and I try to give her space and give her updates/questions if its necessary. But trying to give her space now by making hangouts once every other month. 

My other friend of 5 years from old workplace, hasn't spoken to me since I lashed out at her in July. I've texted her 3-4 times now to talk it out. She hasn't texted back, I know because she was hurt and because her coping method is to cut people out. I wished she never saw this side of me, knowing how our other friends purposely also don't mention their mental illnesses to her. She tried so hard, but she really couldn't put up with it. I had to accept her not being here and blocked her from everything to be out of mind out of sight. 

​

The one that hurt the most is my last friend I just talked to yesterday. A friend of one and a half years, who we clicked immediately and she took me in like a sister. We were always together job training everyday for half a year straight, trying to transfer into creative jobs. She was hurting the most because she worked so hard to try to find me mental health care. She used to call me her bestie/sister that we'd always be together. I found out she was hiding her pain/hurt for the past 9 months, but was afraid to trigger an episode from me - she told me she was afraid of me and that she felt sorry because she really did used to believe we'd always be together. It hurt because I thought I found a close creative friend and I believed her when she said we'd always be together. The decreased text messages hurt. It's not that I need to hang out every week/every day, it be fine if it was monthly. But it hurt that its visibly a different life/relationship we have now. She told me she doesn't blame me and doesn't regret helping me, said she's happy I finally turned myself in for help. But she's just processing the hurt from the past 9 months of her being afraid of losing me/me being explosive. She told me not to feel bad for accepting her help, because she wanted to as a friend. But it hurts. I text her about 1-2 a month since I turned myself in for treatment, but it takes her usually a week to reply back instead of 24 hours like before.

​

I feel how many others secretly resent me. How many others are afraid of me.

I'm scared even that now I know I might be BPD affected after searching all these years of finding out what's wrong with me, that I'm losing my friends again.

I wish I never came out. I wish my episodes never happened. I know some people say its inevitable and to learn to know which friends you can safely lean on in the low lows. But It hurts so much.

​

I want my friends to come back and for everything to be like before.

I don't know if its in my mind if I'm freaking out. It just hurts they're leaving me or can be leaving me. 

​

I want to kill myself, I keep wishing I I never wake up - just die peacefully in my sleep. I have to stop because that's why they so tired and exhaustive of me. Why did I fuck up so badly.",4.504613960113961,5.795883610493827,5.091728395061728,83.21893162393162,70.30246913580247,8.180436847103513,29.772079772079767,8.592259670899578,2.2141509971509965,6539,258,1273,107,117,2098,525,1620,0.166,0.6579999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.9793,8,2,3,0,0,6,235.0,12,1,24,17,51,128,18,15,59,0,102,24,5,19,9,244,230,94,6,28,37,5,20,11,24,7,15,5,1,3,69,79,0,9,54,3,2,19,33,63,0,6,70,33,236,65,205,124,20,197,0,22,6,5,152,88,5,19,100,818,305,15,0.0,0.02598335637580378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0227127721983531,0.02420020010446582,0.017537340450071347,0.10948464724869557,0.21384942693176145,0.23982516004262855,0.0,0.02299542188170503,0.05032896149910171,0.0,0.06524573149954223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01952226858303761,0.020501504765367582,0.02494843759941024,0.0,0.06745098603488912,0.03662111630869589,0.17378749818957315,0.0,0.05598221250015549,0.04941499589586774,0.0,0.01939522255662625,0.023941781030450176,0.0,0.05523990584462311,0.0,0.022392889186020358,0.07524592173044316,0.08943601585296887,0.02252805760178254,0.0,0.018890674953735358,0.0,0.0,0.04919251577207629,0.0,0.0,0.024088975487613414,0.014142977206497591,0.0,0.018888198644551667,0.0,0.045519566890280735,0.09164835020928384,0.025133575841209867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018319625137373424,0.0,0.0388467807873385,0.0,0.0,0.02896899637809231,0.0,0.055430682946084484,0.0,0.07883675329757463,0.0,0.062020699995564026,0.09870897883127686,0.11088421002643116,0.07833365750838735,0.04211230376812335,0.024023143583777568,0.08017415879547901,0.0,0.0,0.07213504049927713,0.4066318424350967,0.06082154299571549,0.03437241727247405,0.08414866865076626,0.02492654552657557,0.05518130209399647,0.017539351708458727,0.02417780229292682,0.0,0.0,0.03878509253063853,0.04668959221924236,0.11786934692547177,0.06495373546336287,0.0,0.06993140391617426,0.0,0.0,0.1028940910360059,0.0,0.0,0.04356269600728303,0.02159654310081257,0.0,0.3521463201732148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652861530689675,0.019492310899738945,0.09704878129566667,0.0,0.1446252548394077,0.017875802929607814,0.02473789275730575,0.09288242958079147,0.023826910492677,0.022424817935762915,0.09293846039976746,0.11785230494398853,0.0,0.019364511582580703,0.03881455906477437,0.0,0.12266979460766005,0.02393908641978712,0.018644024565864604,0.01979259923789431,0.02075061031136548,0.05855353867103024,0.08893394350222814,0.022031541353809844,0.02388810007275863,0.0,0.022092076357763727,0.06630057145838117,0.023264168087667226,0.08857182703919445,0.02568404458861546,0.14003395428654514,0.0,0.032242013073443127,0.048782249357537916,0.08456848948724834,0.12708025765339268,0.0,0.02057973419485076,0.0,0.02104233931339099,0.0,0.02301175067908929,0.023354637564398092,0.04458082203742285,0.0,0.07000490863075913,0.02573002336260115,0.0,0.0237479545904414,0.10467289867752316,0.09122062676381226,0.01914835082200304,0.0,0.0,0.04146170510079356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02204561580982628,0.0,0.02332515782131257,0.0,0.024961037717639203,0.056195445478537547,0.0,0.0,0.023544515422444696,0.0,0.0,0.06258109659327467,0.01743954398391215,0.08782265918050385,0.0,0.03495059668684744,0.019964165689828364,0.0,0.0,0.02251073663442452,0.03628129498614522,0.0,0.021945746700497492,0.022354780712826764,0.018581140884964268,0.03376543097400534,0.04337848185534987,0.02454873790153744,0.015522102591893997,0.0,0.07005301520418898,0.03666877206555952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03297712498851813,0.05287929093174365,0.01916770722525242,0.0,0.0501575247211187,0.10184925923326696,0.0,0.07025900156565297,0.02154602442743326,0.052229694888490594,0.038362519199667766,0.05041040917030789,0.0,0.06286490402805606,0.024364936007600226,0.1637786569955107,0.07156033157536543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037880800864532084,0.024152696730131457,0.0,0.07760897172064694,0.0,0.05277255106306476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03957666411580557,0.0,0.10087325314275324,0.02113964988115611,0.0,0.03193047013742449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02397691307608736,0.23982516004262855,0.1553435676443337
bpd,dwyyoureyes,2019/10/08,"did my boyfriend make my life too perfect and now my emotions are gone for good? I’ve been managing my BPD in healthy ways for about a year now, after pretty much destroying everything in my path for the first 24 years of my life. Took time to be alone and learn to be by myself in January after a pretty rough breakup. Finally decided to start dating again a few months ago. Met my current boyfriend, we are in an extremely loving, happy, and healthy relationship. He respects me and is my biggest fan. He’s responsible, successful, and not like anybody else I’ve ever been with. I’ve never felt anything like it before, I never knew I was even capable of loving someone unconditionally. 
Anyway, stress has been eating me alive lately because of bills. I kept it hidden for a while until last week. He took me to work, and before I got out of the car to go inside, I just started crying and saying I couldn’t handle this shit anymore. I’m working so many hours and not making enough money to cover all of my bills. He immediately held me and reassured me that I was going to be okay, offered to give me money to help pay what I owe, asked if I wanted to move in to save money, etc. I literally never expected him to be so understanding and kind...I have no idea what I did to deserve him. 
However, ever since that moment, my emotions have seemed to vanish. I can’t fee anything anymore. I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel that overly full heart that I did up until then. I can’t even laugh or smile. I feel nothing. 
I thought I’d be so relieved after that and I don’t feel that way. Or at least sad, or scared, or anything for fucks sake. I’m usually able to snap out of this by now. I don’t even see an end in sight this time? 
I don’t want to ruin this, he is without a doubt the most perfect person for me. Healthy me KNOWS this. Even sick me knows it. Why can’t I feel anything anymore?",2.921702925731432,4.4369546770025865,4.463205801450363,85.2987546886722,74.58139534883722,6.957372676502459,25.403767608568806,7.601502580125103,1.269331649579062,1488,50,304,19,31,498,199,387,0.10099999999999999,0.7070000000000001,0.191,0.9892,4,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,0,6,17,25,3,3,10,1,30,9,2,2,8,59,67,23,0,5,9,0,8,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,16,15,1,2,16,0,8,7,17,9,0,1,18,11,46,16,49,43,8,57,0,3,2,3,19,13,2,8,37,200,62,6,0.08717435809204459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727480864880984,0.0,0.0,0.0902863445725242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593606163355616,0.0,0.0,0.2869482758922602,0.0,0.08149625714272962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314067956977176,0.0,0.14835791608294024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979305233385543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575693897160896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920113143051754,0.07282299021659301,0.19611883901145635,0.0772106065492365,0.09007441508387072,0.0972224527735026,0.2303113654353737,0.1577083954408854,0.0,0.0,0.07834669201807105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644678484863533,0.0,0.08370105453325702,0.09549524824087467,0.0,0.07415046446005166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059128934720326,0.0,0.0836255876954679,0.09908639327515904,0.07311771560820114,0.06972129769537422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559745037916686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330203406724237,0.05843113467249383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584918278345254,0.0,0.0,0.0984092393865824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077867920121777,0.09581749480193866,0.07105873685160001,0.09833647297559778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314765434492313,0.08517797603372404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735652338449302,0.0,0.1163791218928482,0.08838111654879573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958174093718113,0.09265254666510532,0.06408318360785115,0.0,0.20170271726787894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364614769475599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611728701423341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773753238541156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359263649807092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932454847732568,0.0872767401398636,0.0,0.06946667689716977,0.0793602615670802,0.0,0.0,0.0894832258522967,0.07211152984869948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738625507199049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340491868301574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985793266302566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920670285479284,0.10166413848217748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370783880174747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075158114267834,0.0,0.0,0.09601023953784238,0.0,0.1028353900248498,0.13838989564218665,0.06992601178521746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866129907404634,0.0,0.0,0.08403297037650803,0.0,0.1269279418652048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227485697535512
bpd,bpdLlamadrama,2019/10/08,Bpd blows You know what really grinds my gears? Liars. Cowards and liars. Remember there’s always 2 sides to every story. You ever gotta take a break from these subs? Ugh sometimes they’re just too much.,0.920329670329668,3.3126550256410248,1.40849816849817,94.88769230769232,101.30769230769228,4.2798534798534815,13.263736263736265,6.1826913282559595,-0.552687912087912,162,3,31,2,7,49,37,39,0.243,0.757,0.0,-0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962983225572677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44848730442006995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221069623814758,0.3000241364950693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956996779237667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617696991203809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22812261786111904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033845253495179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521855821380702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26773799968494744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lynndonia,2019/10/08,"DAE hate reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower?? I initially read it pre-meds, positive relationships, and feelings, and I found it revolting.  I was jealous of the main character for being ""depressed"" with all these feelings and life and ""infinity"".  It made me angry that a majority of the population saw depression in terms of just not feeling quite fully human, while I was sat on a bench completely drained and devoid of humanity.  I've talked to a few depressed folks who haven't shared this sentiment, and realized it might have been a BPD thing. (Again, I seriously hadn't left the numb and empty state since I was 8 years old.) Is anyone else jealous of people who can just be sad and feel their feelings appropriately?",8.658344155844155,8.421338189393943,8.659740259740262,66.56318181818185,61.04545454545454,12.08831168831169,38.55411255411255,11.491704259439757,4.603747619047619,579,26,98,15,7,189,93,132,0.23600000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.04,-0.9769,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,3,10,3,0,9,0,13,2,0,1,1,22,23,9,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,9,0,0,9,6,8,1,11,10,5,9,0,4,1,0,8,3,0,1,5,67,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005443767557898,0.17592372475022386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162461864606577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800208925591335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44364676552683535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343069608006626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340754603087785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825674639429327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169515104169254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865491423418984,0.0,0.1212745709204282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246372175888713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821432369667028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801669735691947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903298507731187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826207467347735,0.3434866501150219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843381734389176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202941805650746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800343347068714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406776547809452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056714947002944
bpd,highthrowawayschool,2019/10/08,"I'm so ashamed that heartbreak is going to lead me to graduating a semester late I had my heart broken by my FP and I withdrew from most of my classes and my summer class which pushes back my graduation. I was already depressed, but when I lost my FP, I fell into the worst depression of my life and didn't even want to leave my bed. It's now months later and I wish I could talk to my past self and tell myself to get up. I'm so ashamed that I let this situation cripple me to that extent. I still cry over him some days, but education is the only thing I have. I wish I didn't get so obsessed over people. 

It's not his fault at all. It's my fault that I can't control my emotions. Thankfully I now have the strength to finish my degree.",2.451666666666668,3.5845878343949096,4.243710191082806,87.94013004246284,75.11464968152866,7.016772823779192,25.18524416135881,7.492282038375204,1.058074734607219,578,19,129,7,12,196,94,157,0.212,0.6679999999999999,0.12,-0.9311,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,10,12,0,3,4,0,11,2,1,2,1,18,21,11,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,10,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,10,0,0,5,0,31,2,16,14,5,21,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,2,12,93,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544976442182474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618977605174915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864847351396386,0.1414111613841987,0.0,0.19455147328919484,0.11422391349247925,0.0,0.3050961528825541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992294734941241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698216322992293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850695677312184,0.0,0.10065799931381647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988100849288152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979236910588752,0.18753821148303615,0.0,0.1811111215538405,0.12510089525740167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933409137537532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413707493027668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470322024352405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690754068111704,0.12278858531771808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476858698661552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908361912682207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414435134791571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423575688188242,0.15480549109140465,0.16306282624519633,0.0,0.0,0.1176667084700214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044664587781744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073448458712528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jdhfufbgbtkdn,2019/10/08,"Considering following my FP to college. Any advice? So I really like these two schools I’m deciding between. Logically, one is definitely the better fit. Emotionally, however, I’m very attracted to the other school, FPs school. I would love to spend another few years with and can’t imagine missing out on his life and being replaced by other kids. Should I listen to my heart and go with FP school or listen to my head and go with better fit?",4.530258175559382,6.710960373493979,6.094526678141136,72.48674698795182,71.77108433734941,9.562134251290876,29.929432013769365,9.957137785484203,3.4189600688468165,353,15,60,10,7,120,58,83,0.023,0.72,0.257,0.9683,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,0,5,4,2,0,0,14,14,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,2,7,5,12,11,1,8,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,38,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726778079949125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016805319655098,0.1852945991170724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125691719772866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987736315148232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085538262704872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135422376842267,0.0,0.0,0.209400795537182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481466130463195,0.08633100066596287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948660390476682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974246569931188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320419120506743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7153550156405911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726188345881087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458032780828325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552887151842254,0.0,0.0,0.11379468265919646
bpd,Wx0PKChh0N1v5,2019/10/08,"Is there anything I can do to help a friend with BPD who is going through a very traumatic experience? I have a female friend who has BPD and OCD (clinically diagnosed as a kid but never done therapy due to family stigma).

We've been friends for 3 years and it's been an absolute rollercoaster. We go from ""I want you in my life forever"" to ""I think you hate me"" within a couple of days. I've taken breaks from the friendship because at times it really negatively impacted my life (I am aware that she can't help it) but this time I really can't let go of her. She's the most loving, caring and intelligent girl I have ever met (topped undergraduate math at my university) and it is so sad to see her life get ruined by this disorder.

​

In the time I have known her, she's had 4 failed relationships and each relationship went exactly like how it is described in this post: \[[a relationship with me a borderline](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9q3f3e/a_relationship_with_me_a_borderline/)\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9q3f3e/a\_relationship\_with\_me\_a\_borderline/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9q3f3e/a_relationship_with_me_a_borderline/)) . She would become extremely obsessed with a guy and calls them perfect and idolises them and they would fall for her and it just looks like the best love story of all time and you would think it is happy ever after but then it just ends abruptly within a few months.

​

Following each dramatic breakup, she lost a handful of friends because people just thought she was a bad person for putting her exes through so much agony. Her last breakup though is something else and I am afraid it is going to destroy her life. The guy turned out to be bipolar and has been threatening her with suicide by sending her photos of him cutting himself and so on and on top of that he is her co-worker. Also I had no idea BPD causes suicidal thoughts because she has never expressed any of that but she always says ""I just want to sleep forever"" when distressed.

​

My advice to her was to call the suicide hotline, which she did, and they reassured her that the guy is not her responsibility and to put the responsibility in someone else's hands and I also told her to see a psychologist specialising in BPD and to stop talking to her ex but she hasn't done those 2 things.

​

I don't know what to do about it. My friends told me to be pragmatic and walk away but that is just so cruel. She is doing everything she can to get me to stick with her and help her and on the other hand I am afraid this is going to damage my own mental health.

​

I am trying to reason through things with her but she just gets very defensive and gets angry at me and refuses to accept things and just makes me feel horrible and blames everything on me. I told her that doing dialectical behaviour therapy might help but she would just shut off and become silent when I start talking about therapy because he father doesn't want her to see psychologists and she finds it hard to open up to people she isn't close with.

​

If there is anything I can do within reason without making this a full time job then I am happy to help but what can I do??????????",6.6248338156262925,8.183894615254243,6.20219512195122,76.22652955766848,65.5593220338983,8.942538238941712,29.983464241422077,9.245585301136952,2.5509809838776363,2613,92,459,47,41,809,260,590,0.153,0.6970000000000001,0.151,-0.8102,1,0,1,0,0,2,123.0,1,3,4,6,24,31,5,4,23,0,58,14,4,6,7,95,96,50,3,8,20,2,5,2,5,5,8,1,0,6,32,40,0,3,12,0,0,12,12,15,0,0,19,10,79,16,72,69,9,62,0,5,4,2,86,25,0,3,25,339,111,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045644443724254316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470789495240418,0.038866438295110765,0.3036614087967344,0.3405463695101941,0.03176438249520038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687665348932148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438855559910785,0.0,0.03900087527551386,0.1138958607580217,0.10317498780769774,0.0,0.0,0.04901923350133183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41180701919127205,0.0,0.09539220714525333,0.0,0.047623929183614966,0.04798400776865893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168369522544252,0.0,0.03012406751369675,0.0,0.0,0.04740963801745444,0.0,0.0,0.05353367430680606,0.0,0.0,0.09560103676769564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780403752910407,0.0,0.0413711706538683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450368716080413,0.0,0.0,0.08395982133824413,0.045691315243339366,0.04403400421835647,0.0,0.023617965158740012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042692067892523916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804400412522129,0.0,0.09761612927809499,0.0,0.13273176668573422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875064708180204,0.0,0.09944726684232086,0.04184295985132685,0.04611642663814343,0.0,0.04965051563849902,0.0,0.0,0.15654354706392387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272987246879667,0.0,0.0,0.04635243942497906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025670578863729584,0.03807486121561797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776411073963467,0.13197053750066104,0.04564026550154265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03922461200375284,0.0,0.05098945186693645,0.0,0.08431514623949878,0.0,0.06235853760980425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707266515029037,0.04955189843627189,0.0,0.0,0.037283453755406884,0.0,0.034337203702614894,0.0,0.0720512194751986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476562605720555,0.04078534558289211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044735241040155166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391284583717263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984720787006587,0.09605126084252852,0.0,0.15044708659443018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037145644280476994,0.0,0.0,0.11166539960428636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046743705062364985,0.0,0.039577207424404126,0.03595961824157868,0.0,0.0,0.03306155836961412,0.0,0.0,0.03905162785809305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532793830463834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508741178731106,0.0,0.0,0.16025077028951842,0.0,0.09309608894547593,0.059859727572389665,0.045892310015572216,0.07416499991801973,0.13618480058962362,0.0,0.0,0.1339001389547032,0.0,0.03171300464727346,0.05080703608121171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708123699902106,0.08265225453051248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433006117140242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502674584975594,0.0,0.03400541569571175,0.0,0.0,0.13272569482606822,0.0,0.3405463695101941,0.03007969031498305
bpd,Disrespect_Me_Daddy,2019/10/08,"My SO went LDR and I’m just torching it and I literally cannot stop It’s been 2 weeks and I’ve effectively burned it all down. My SO of 2 years went from being totally confident in our relationship and ability to handle LDR to being like “I had no idea this was going to happen...”

And honestly, neither did I.

I usually internalize everything so this is new for me, I never realized my FP could make me go this off the wall. They’ve called me a few times on being emotionally abusive/manipulative and I honestly didn’t mean to, but I feel so left behind and unloved and entirely undeserving of love.

It’s every single day, I can’t stop. Freaking the fuck out, hyperventilating, panic attacks, starting huge fights bc they don’t love me, or won’t answer me fast enough, or fell asleep before calling me at night. I’m genuinely suicidal over this and I hate myself so much.

I’m in the middle of midterms and literally just watching time slip away on a project I haven’t even started because I can’t stop crying and freaking the fuck out for one second! I got fired from my job on Saturday and it was all downhill from there. I haven’t slept or showered and I’m just losing my mind.

And every time I am able to gather my thoughts and explain, or apologize, I’m just losing it again.

I need to be taken out back and shot. Nobody deserves this.",3.126145578895944,5.059773426966295,4.891698420452696,80.66790425012213,75.02996254681648,7.9393584106823,26.96450089561961,8.716276077567194,2.1168353362644523,1063,41,207,22,23,361,152,267,0.218,0.6679999999999999,0.115,-0.9908,2,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,1,0,1,3,13,16,5,1,6,0,20,6,2,2,4,47,46,26,1,2,9,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,19,0,3,8,0,0,5,11,11,0,2,12,3,30,5,28,28,8,41,0,2,1,4,11,17,2,4,20,141,41,3,0.12399152558973267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410582603561393,0.11649411984298642,0.09534182963838808,0.0,0.07558408315176847,0.0,0.10550765586948448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532184214215086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899714390113876,0.0,0.13619886866682004,0.07996427644239495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947377748535894,0.0,0.1281163909582166,0.0,0.08189523326008998,0.0,0.20893641603999627,0.0,0.11143558818032843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269384086666374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292563348697653,0.0,0.0,0.1409344827569472,0.0,0.09916734985553374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109645296590699,0.0,0.0,0.12241596147503075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997134009044215,0.0,0.0,0.12304245694155047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347171553475521,0.0,0.0,0.06057599634926905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774296026619396,0.0,0.0,0.22381438559419994,0.0,0.08276530614112186,0.0,0.0,0.13506312072850413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519609483490232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114803795623858,0.09193814513387076,0.09562990836989084,0.11975178805466412,0.0,0.11635764734966908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401986666550694,0.0,0.0,0.1454773398129403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331204959502895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552367998658533,0.0,0.0,0.3109874020980313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562660435622134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843542133044013,0.21690136705442625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365591480463007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945852277455396,0.0,0.0,0.22988277287924103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798464772579366
bpd,owo-bitch,2019/10/08,"dae have an fp that is so perfect, you dont deserve them i love my fp so much, but i could never be as good as him.
no one else has stuck around this long like he has and i cant believe it. normally i just drive away anyone who expresses even the slightest bit of interest in me but my fp has been with me through thick and thin. unlike everyone else ive ever known, he understands me and isnt upset when i split on him or have mood swings. hes patient with me and has even talked me out of many bad ideas. he has my back even when i do the worst to him, and knows how to make me happy. i love him more than anything in the entire infinite universe. how did someone as shitty as me manage to meet the best person ever?

tl;dr my fp is so wonderful to me, and im just a sentient suffering waste of time and resources. 

please tell me im not the only one who has been blessed with an angel of an fp but cursed with being that amazing person's burden.",2.0903217821782185,3.3374809405940584,3.7040470297029735,90.99290222772278,76.22772277227722,6.6341584158415845,23.0210396039604,7.1686216300943375,0.6633752475247521,738,21,166,8,16,246,118,202,0.168,0.657,0.175,0.5738,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,2,16,16,0,1,9,0,22,2,0,3,4,34,29,22,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,13,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,5,0,3,4,2,28,10,24,22,5,18,2,1,0,2,20,8,0,2,10,123,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099431585173096,0.0,0.11886005869358328,0.12858032537891773,0.0,0.0,0.1357041318564858,0.11106380509269437,0.12059958684316588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273201610414287,0.1515786316555021,0.0,0.1576887430859783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532188480828676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928010591147635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413186101772973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28619954932636904,0.2613046421733889,0.0,0.13801657289401215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114763110818792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375679659932895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305277225463294,0.3120353668182377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937927503217823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056504660491775,0.0,0.0,0.1278229682364957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607216307139837,0.0,0.09641339865785008,0.14643732801989118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617845242270453,0.0,0.11139938833258316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151844385491602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574967526100007,0.1098515074494308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25223515071420266,0.0,0.15854940549779042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238173707824633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609368731729144,0.12624506323676984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422288253483894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503649147584257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566367068468036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sundaysslave999,2019/10/08,"BPD and the 12 steps... a free alternative to therapy? I would like to share something on my experience with BDP and a 12 step program. As someone who has been diagnosed with BPD it's not surprising I've struggled with substance abuse. It got to the point recently where I decided to join Narcotics Anonymous, I knew I needed help. I knew NA was the right path to address my substance misuse as it works for most addicts out there. What's interesting is how working the 12 steps has significantly helped with my BPD symptoms, and I wanted to share because so much BPD treatment like DBT is expensive and often accompanied by long waiting lists... NA or AA, or any other 12 step program (they also have ones for eating disorders, co-dependency and sex/love addiction) is free and widely available. So much of what I've picked up in NA resonates with my experience with DBT and other forms of therapy. Ultimately NA has helped more with BDP than with any therapy. Here are a few observations summed up.

1. The group works by creating connections to overcome addiction. A lot of BPD revolves around an inability to form meaningful connections. The simple act of meeting with a group of people a couple of times a week who are actively trying to form healthier connections really rubs off on you, I've found myself feeling less lonely.
2. On the same topic of relationships, many of us suffer from issues around co-dependency or the dreaded FP (basically being addicted to someone...) When I joined I had recently lost my FP and was struggling. I came to realise that I had been addicted to this person and was able to apply the really simple program to how I viewed my relationship with this person. I feel I am much more aware now of how I form connections with people and how to avoid feeling emotionally dependent on someone. The whole FP thing was so unhealthy for me, for my emotions to be completely dependent on someone else's attitude towards me became exhausting, as I'm sure you guys know.
3. That feeling of chronic emptiness and feeling like a piece of shit...gone (almost). This is a program that works on building up your self-worth through really simple acts, much of the program's success depends on addicts helping one another. It's so simple, people help you and you help them and slowly you start to feel like less of a piece of shit. The feeling of community is a great way to cope with feeling empty in my experience. Once you get more involved you get involved in service whether thats just helping out at your local meeting, helping out at institutions or eventually sponsoring someone in their recovery. Don't underestimate what simple service can do for your self-esteem.
4. Those pesky volatile emotions...much easier. 12 step programs also centre around meditation and the concept of sitting with emotions and letting them pass. I am by no means Buddha yet but sometimes just the act of going to sit in a room of people and listening to a reading acts as a form of meditation. I have noticed that since cutting out all substances entirely and starting to be more mindful, a key element of DBT I am less volatile, I still feel crazy ups and downs but I am much more able to sit through them.
5. It's almost like free group therapy. During every meeting, there is a sharing portion, where you are free to speak about what's on your mind and it doesn't necessarily have to be substance-related. When you are surrounded by addicts you realise how much of an overlap there is between BPD and addiction. You will hear people share about their toxic relationships, impulsiveness, depression and isolation and you can share about yours too. This is an incredibly healing process and takes place in a completely non-judgemental zone. I have rarely shared about my BPD symptoms and not been met by many people who relate afterwards.

Finally, if you do decide to go do not be put off by the God/Higher Power concept. The program can be worked without any belief in God or spirituality... there's much written on the subject and even special meetings for Atheists.",7.351835553997197,8.204865407258069,7.513793828892009,69.9999298737728,63.61021505376344,10.448059841047217,37.813697989714825,10.374825546531014,4.209143852267415,3269,161,535,74,46,1059,328,744,0.062,0.831,0.107,0.9693,1,4,1,0,1,0,89.0,1,18,6,8,35,32,2,4,37,0,49,16,1,9,2,103,81,51,0,4,15,0,10,5,0,2,14,3,2,3,26,46,1,2,18,1,5,14,7,11,1,2,17,14,57,25,118,55,29,75,1,4,1,0,61,43,1,14,19,383,83,16,0.09339361731161296,0.055328082338471404,0.0,0.4072513131413282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352021705751046,0.0,0.0,0.07468684202191232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526629356324606,0.04896567544536499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471018000606306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028465941132471775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116909706189409,0.0,0.0,0.053408708930472636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792143086329898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166913059015416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021989286974211,0.047396277825543516,0.0,0.0,0.053518588341328485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047782493125951134,0.0390091916283149,0.15758287355750514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030842801709068845,0.0,0.03934407530935968,0.0,0.0,0.1370353178413119,0.0,0.0,0.2125017858463661,0.0667204188683434,0.0,0.051154071360461406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120064042161954,0.0,0.0,0.04879431036591556,0.0,0.05307774497494518,0.0,0.03734770371670254,0.051483396397243024,0.0,0.046237182231046885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263069717577217,0.0,0.2503990921240504,0.04933774217756167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873933602489133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025663344810182127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047750650656144866,0.0,0.11406850981156424,0.0,0.0,0.04132520619751661,0.0,0.0,0.050975082871709695,0.039699956825486535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468646924610462,0.0,0.05086651426472416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430092995716384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27462021892548505,0.0346250919251665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05316462615899952,0.0,0.049730577199467066,0.06328593213616268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424212467235752,0.08154770427674955,0.048788226136234285,0.0,0.04414357792217986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694319044418077,0.0,0.0,0.04670944547541323,0.0,0.08974551409510001,0.0,0.09221493000527373,0.15040469011064772,0.0,0.039878819445031036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742991124710758,0.0,0.09586720606802716,0.03862808267158895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978302721859655,0.03594948470289665,0.04618433779489817,0.0,0.0661044830274699,0.0,0.037292131713253865,0.0,0.0,0.09763528674242143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044011189524067185,0.09707172816415577,0.03511018861962464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360748146057199,0.0,0.031023284720481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027229284652988427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03170406781826828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056170511186535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027542987617788214,0.03706575315344917,0.037457363195611035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213531922503079,0.0,0.045014057164694574,0.0,0.16997916428867002,0.0,0.0,0.033172073072191735,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cried_wolves,2019/10/08,"Can I just rant... Recently my fp, best friend got mad at me for watching her ex’s dog. This isn’t the main point but... She decided she wanted to talk about our relationship and like all the things that recently happened. But really she just yelled at me and told me I had some kind of loyalty to her ex(yes we are friends but he wasn’t even there when I watched the dog and we almost never talk and I would never talk to him about her) but it really hurt me because in the past few months me her and my bf had a three some. A laps of judgement on my part and something I had previously said I didn’t want to do. She ended up telling me that she felt like there were outer forces at play and that she had never wanted to do it either but that night she flirted with my bf in front of me among other things. I just felt like she was like not taking responsibility, not that it’s her fault, it’s all our faults.

The real reason I’m hurt and upset is because after that her and my boyfriend made out and cuddled alone and she told him if we broke up she would still be friends with him. But I can’t see her ex and like we weren’t talking about breaking up. And during our talk she said she’s glad that nothing ever happened between them “like sex” without me. But the makeout was definitely something to me. And the whole time all this was going on I kept telling myself it was my fault and that she was going threw a lot and I pushed everything down until she brought it up again. 
After our talk she was like let’s just see what happens and how you feel about our friendship. Thinking about it now I just feel used. But also I don’t really have other friends and I just feel so lost. I just want her to want me but also I don’t feel like I couldn’t trust anyone again. 

I don’t know if any of this makes sense and I would usually never do this but every time I talk to my bf about it he just says I’m never going to forgive him and gets upset. I’m so confused about my feelings and hurt. I keep feeling all alone and I’ve been dissociating more I just don’t know.",1.6215972222222206,3.4954635208333364,2.8803333333333363,93.64800000000002,79.30092592592592,5.616296296296297,20.522222222222226,6.508806274219699,0.06353777777777793,1619,42,364,14,40,522,177,432,0.11599999999999999,0.742,0.141,0.7806,1,2,2,0,0,0,29.0,9,1,1,2,31,31,1,3,10,0,34,3,0,5,10,99,76,41,0,11,25,2,8,8,7,3,0,4,0,0,25,29,0,2,14,1,0,7,18,12,0,1,27,16,78,19,42,43,14,47,0,5,4,3,65,16,0,7,31,268,103,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407197474844551,0.15322474994560056,0.0,0.11831028734431165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050303294219653856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172273423543757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901849263869241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762873796183496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551697234874637,0.0,0.0,0.04885761178164391,0.06691163976724271,0.062324349632843085,0.0,0.06648099638085886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244138919613784,0.05284539896418843,0.14204886920346413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286014150720681,0.0,0.03864716142680994,0.0,0.12611946943207505,0.0,0.059161927841010035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623879637163968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23756471196728984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574944787433233,0.0,0.07703014496187394,0.08130582620745959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564107742497496,0.0,0.2891106986429373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074885131952263,0.06288809611473536,0.0,0.06999381335775741,0.049376685741763016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904350711261196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285257685451104,0.0,0.0,0.06941743170790883,0.0,0.07097784346638675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010414519333109,0.07061435999920618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992716852115456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419599178089973,0.14216450010483905,0.07605523002155799,0.1460762641853119,0.07941792522482155,0.0,0.0,0.14072805663533638,0.0588252667433965,0.0,0.0,0.11789173930472575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389406085296247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907389707791549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561751430167662,0.4161895666522243,0.1293090566387463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828702433469208,0.0473980800419657,0.0,0.0,0.08626698905089496,0.0,0.0,0.14136626323332904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388780054585197,0.08146937953383472,0.0,0.21815213303738948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258676403122171,0.0,0.0713060814129188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764212506773573,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mysticskywalker,2019/10/08,"Can someone with BPD be an empath? ‘Yes. Oh, yes.

""People with Borderline Personality Disorder are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.""

It is often thought that Borderline Personality Disorder means manipulative, angry, evil… but in fact it's mostly the opposite.

Yes, we can be manipulative. We can be angry. We feel everything.

We are very emotionally intense.

In my experience, my empathy goes as far as understanding exactly what an animal wants or needs, and feeling the pain (be it physical or emotional) from my friends even if they're miles away. It's like a little sixth sense but it becomes overwhelming.

Crowded places are the worst to be in, because I pick up on almost everybody's emotions which makes it incredibly difficult to regulate my own - and sometimes, the heavier emotions I've picked up stay with me the entire day.

The issue with Borderline Personality Disorder and Empathy is that those of us with BPD are more likely to absorb negative emotions, and sometimes it's hard to ignore them - and can often lead to our own “mood swings”.

Though if you read the articles on the internet, it mostly tells you otherwise. The internet demonises BPD and acts as though we aren't capable of love… when in fact, we just love too much.’

Saw this on Quora and thought you guys would appreciate this answer as much as I did.",6.820627450980389,8.535424258823532,7.380490196078429,67.3805392156863,65.23529411764707,11.313725490196074,34.950980392156865,11.20814326018867,4.561627450980391,1146,53,184,36,18,377,148,255,0.14400000000000002,0.758,0.098,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,8,3,3,1,8,11,0,1,13,3,18,4,2,6,3,54,30,22,0,6,8,0,6,3,1,1,1,0,0,4,15,19,0,1,8,1,0,3,2,5,0,1,4,7,21,5,32,20,8,22,0,1,1,1,22,16,0,10,5,131,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974836510272026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420739598869112,0.0,0.0,0.054635708900858455,0.09898583780295944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955524916070453,0.33864572086098044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780191738784415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081604784954249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6049090010677638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919770324900061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055085281369741,0.08767227824850084,0.0,0.0,0.13595411745313893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924549849171205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874469377335023,0.0,0.0,0.08028807223624725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935471679184864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136148637032288,0.08982967093710059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178350135696642,0.0,0.05982663260381117,0.0,0.0,0.09762993794006744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317721261144895,0.06645718946319602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536931030240002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427197506540175,0.2347761810331669,0.0936410044749183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965112567467745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594055726195809,0.0,0.17728653507700587,0.0,0.0,0.09553031964616346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833783604200513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611589212189424,0.14230744889884786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330473395798362,0.10781009079299872,0.0,0.0,0.0739515553658957,0.05286425088643319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366835790097411,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sorryicannotanswer,2019/10/08,"When you have to remind your piece of shit therapist that seeming healthy doesn't mean you are. I just. I am going to freak lose my mind on this bitch. 

I am suffering from borderline personality disorder, I can bet my life on it. I also suffer from OCD an generalised anxiety disorder. I take medication for depression. I have a therapist I meet 1 every week or 2. I also meet with a psychologist that mostly just checks how I'm doing on medication. I try my best to work on all of this shit on my own too. I want to get better, I am doing everything I can.

I am so tired of going, and emphasising that I'm not doing better, that I'm doing worse, my coping skills are going to kill me eventually, I'm so fucking exhausted and I need help. However, when I'm saying this to my therapist, I manage to ... act and speak like a normal being! I somehow manage to appear healthy, so that must mean I AM healthy. Right? 

When I told her I think I have BPD, she just shrugged it off and told me that I shouldn't try to put labels on myself. I understand what she's saying and I know that it's not my place to tell her she's wrong as she studied for it, but just please hear me out?

She doesn't think DBT/group therapy is right for me, because those people are going to scare and terrify me as they deal with ""REAL problems"", something she assumes I don't have? 

I told her, I need something to work because I'm not getting better, that I need help to learn how to cope effectively without killing myself. She said she'd come back to it. She didn't. I'm again losing my mind, I am putting myself in danger to distract the hurt and pain, and I just want help. So I contacted her, and asked if we can make a new appointment. She said we can do it later. I once again asked her if we can talk yesterday and it's urgent. She ignored my message.

And now we've come to the point that I'm going to allow myself to lose control. If she wants me to be the textbook example of what she thinks BPD should look like, I will show her. She's shouldn't call herself a psychologist, she lacks empathy and can't LISTEN, that her indifference in her clients and pure laziness is going to be the death of someone that was there to be helped. She'll know she is useless and ignorant, and doesn't even understand what any normal educated adult knows about mental health. I'll tell her that I do not every want to see her again, and that it was a complete waste of my time and money.

Why does it have to be like this. Why is it hard for some of us to be taken seriously .. :(",3.765269749518304,4.601359009633917,5.174696531791909,83.64023362235068,71.62042389210019,8.38709055876686,26.555394990366093,8.680891452615391,1.74384816955684,1982,63,418,34,36,666,222,519,0.166,0.732,0.102,-0.9881,1,0,2,0,0,2,64.0,4,3,1,12,26,32,7,2,11,0,50,10,2,6,3,86,102,35,3,18,15,0,1,3,0,6,7,7,0,2,31,25,0,3,14,1,3,12,13,25,0,0,9,10,90,7,54,80,7,39,0,8,2,1,63,14,4,11,16,292,121,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343679806678306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823117884822893,0.0,0.054257145952265086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260990529066974,0.0,0.0,0.054536660675749686,0.0,0.08646998932095043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744310209198328,0.1881812083377252,0.0,0.0,0.17865417114882806,0.0,0.07242197458498069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221905730901972,0.07436312259655836,0.0,0.07954800064925689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312017672186423,0.061087277788422475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257153560498408,0.0,0.062066619528222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684504759565266,0.0,0.1195141153426389,0.0,0.06374248200231941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556867531271038,0.07411038118551555,0.0,0.24184860179775355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353453527495928,0.0,0.0,0.07538956250854473,0.07993720990225384,0.0,0.19015713129929995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592628069836968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569351840691892,0.0,0.11693496139909422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009616193430689,0.10395057144987023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955882432442217,0.2380395492592426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047342739633407536,0.0,0.0,0.15451542335437768,0.0,0.14289820122990204,0.07147534292755423,0.0,0.14322731098902544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776913795363914,0.0,0.06849944725438696,0.0,0.0,0.1389821525641816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755324136193283,0.0,0.0,0.07546880427925924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917020650495242,0.06192864909281731,0.07410114026013884,0.07785394279223748,0.0670466979074369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786528999237676,0.0,0.14259768041778365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072775353750046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113848881709245,0.13493112476698754,0.1128042210797006,0.07100792508639897,0.0,0.05651774552086317,0.06456711718565188,0.0,0.0,0.14560622194703196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009420677037618,0.10920248671515538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332649324445285,0.057006529053596926,0.12398250122955967,0.0,0.0811084927546137,0.247046877328438,0.0,0.13633691258376088,0.0,0.0,0.04135672068953968,0.0815174259431803,0.0,0.2033145631180719,0.0,0.09630633299347016,0.0,0.0,0.14767007715743571,0.08531359423264316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673327317086609,0.0,0.056891458119062766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799688950108942,0.0,0.0,0.06836881001421867,0.0,0.1032679471402328,0.0,0.0722782547415673,0.0,0.07754494629959319,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lavender103,2019/10/08,"These song lyrics..it’s hard when you never want to give up on someone. Oh! Carol, I am but a fool
Darling, I love you though you treat me cruel
You hurt me, and you made me cry
But if you leave me, I will surely die
Darling, there will never be another
'Cause I love you so
Don't ever leave me
Say you'll never go
I will always want you for my sweetheart
No matter what you do
Oh! Carol, I'm so in love with you
Oh! Carol
Darling",-2.1301877346683358,-0.5096649574468088,0.6260450563204039,100.42264705882354,108.14893617021278,2.6372966207759703,11.912390488110134,4.514644488427479,-1.5953759699624532,330,6,77,1,17,112,58,94,0.226,0.435,0.33899999999999997,0.9755,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,11,0,0,6,9,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,2,5,15,17,8,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,3,22,6,6,11,0,9,0,1,0,3,17,3,0,1,5,52,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755154462028933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859444279963848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821652503781968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478706636066692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403902027973676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040380999170262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010968682610533,0.1007798916173064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885153434099702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983386175006506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755306236206826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801377721336752,0.16779254517580727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103000889077504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101876657397935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024989022374655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713004338364135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422438293870318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918592590908205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkelephantfriend,2019/10/08,"Acting like a child because you never got to have a normal childhood I recently saw another post about acting child like with men due to sexual abuse. The reaction makes sense and I can't even imagine how hard that is to deal with. I never experienced sexual abuse, mostly physical and verbal. I find acting childish to be a coping mechanism. Like I'm getting the chance to experience the childhood I never had. I don't know  who knows about age regression and ddlg but it's been extremely healing for me. Sometimes I feel guilty like I'm expecting my fiance to be the father figure I've always wanted or to make up for that missing fatherly love. Despite sometimes making me feel guilty it ultimately helps me a lot. Maybe this makes me weird and messed up. I don't know.",4.59234693877551,6.623278387755108,5.6432823129251695,76.42165816326529,71.24489795918367,8.70952380952381,27.89625850340137,9.2995712137729,2.68741768707483,621,23,106,14,12,205,92,147,0.151,0.725,0.124,-0.4854,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,8,0,9,2,0,5,3,29,26,7,0,3,2,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,8,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,4,5,14,5,15,20,2,14,0,1,1,1,10,2,0,3,12,65,20,0,0.0,0.3616392804668527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269849709448883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002643582789014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303053742205022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573357274645156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079843857062218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928330439115806,0.0,0.0,0.15432989237077907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948412148666886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973319581029563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205733624176299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367099038153253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229225340683087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516138231960837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29823302792113304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974481686446535,0.13773781268740062,0.0,0.40747737296745534,0.0,0.15331873695476406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35311012841455136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952684100756025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615960537889802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068541835318613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018732980263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900142007730351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yonessy,2019/10/08,"I messed up again and now I cant stop hating myself Title pretty much explains it. Without having to go into too much detail I damaged my long term romantic relationship yet again and even further. I hate myself and I wanna fucking cry when I think about what and who I've become. I feel like I'm stuck this way forever because deep down at my core I was just built this way, and that I'm just inherently... bad. I'm such a mess tbh lol and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯",1.0304812834224606,3.259611745098041,2.9498930481283416,90.429064171123,83.50980392156862,5.277718360071302,20.057040998217467,6.574015621080383,0.2361843137254902,386,11,81,4,11,129,73,102,0.239,0.623,0.139,-0.9082,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,4,0,2,1,5,1,0,0,0,16,17,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,1,13,1,8,15,3,17,1,1,0,1,3,6,2,0,9,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822963189040665,0.13309186016930946,0.2411281842708263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398251063973968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420481772199487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039414059370938,0.15597490027009422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184244348210556,0.0,0.0,0.12408189456011612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311110844438461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464678441044517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666494451675944,0.0,0.0,0.1932150614347236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209951465051218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211996526015945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344045689766433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825335445794828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989696269583415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34660017125810993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104622002110006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkpebblez,2019/10/08,"Anyone else do this? Does anyone else check out at work, so the face you put on is one of cheer and bullshit, so by the time you get home, you’re exhausted from even just the work itself that when you finally feel comfortable enough to let your guard down, you unintentionally end up being a dick to your SO? 

What do you do instead?",8.19590909090909,6.106457681818185,7.829393939393943,78.11409090909092,63.09090909090909,11.224242424242425,31.09090909090909,9.725611199111238,2.380672727272727,261,6,56,4,3,83,50,66,0.134,0.779,0.087,-0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,7,0,2,7,3,0,0,4,0,6,3,2,0,0,5,8,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,2,10,6,1,10,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,4,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31498772260522884,0.461572387361856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971100633882582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763201859478861,0.0,0.19949681911810074,0.2327343365926889,0.0,0.14876966670959887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138887019328327,0.0,0.0,0.24674068908912475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117679213434225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259352558562672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303243541326009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526292442579053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264295851765161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133993600117014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279565048251258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tinytryhardchewy,2019/10/08,"I want to change. So... Long story short my FP (also boyfriend) almost broke up with me because I tried to find a 'replacement' months before he almost left me. I know I shouldn't have done it but I don't want to be abandoned. I also have a bad issue with lying in fear of the truth disappointing them... Which is worse clearly!!!

I'm now almost 3k miles away from him and my heart hurts. Our relationship is great now, but the fact he almosr left me scared me to the point where I don't want to run anymore. I don't want to find someone else and lie. I have no insurance and no money so I can't really go see a therapist. 

I've been reaching out to online support groups and trying to get into a support group in person. I also have a workbook that has been so amazing. Just being aware of my thoughts and self is making me so much more in control.

He wants me to prove that I've changed, that I have gotten better but I have no idea how to prove it being far from him. That, and he doesn't want to text or call really at all. This is sort of a mental bootcamp for me, I want this, I want to change so I can be in control and happy. So he can be happy. 

Any extra tips on what can help me in my healing process will be greatly appreciated!",1.8415373815373817,3.389224555984562,3.5349543699543737,90.68722621972624,77.57142857142857,5.9446121446121465,21.425236925236927,6.574015621080383,0.27903706563706576,956,25,211,8,22,319,138,259,0.146,0.65,0.204,0.9372,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,1,3,14,16,0,2,9,0,30,2,1,4,6,45,48,21,0,9,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,11,0,3,7,0,1,2,9,7,0,0,5,1,32,9,31,35,4,24,0,4,1,0,16,18,0,5,4,144,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915696103813512,0.0,0.0,0.2328524688469345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660029741177775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625575595016114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118947036546686,0.0,0.08103962863969948,0.059165840472969924,0.0,0.08258946692938578,0.0,0.0,0.08584018139283678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910737884165037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080244444050081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177182790615804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932434160123133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810797576696872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921757436966972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774190606457045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050708957235303255,0.0,0.0551604701428661,0.0,0.0,0.21401424278020748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066407360655984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501455603575785,0.06505613440920173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390292046485244,0.10956700978895388,0.0,0.10130365149661913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053340704878715166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109082597790056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589354365683484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647871707328841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781194078112118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747101123754903,0.0,0.07134902016757266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474756621820036,0.0,0.0,0.091751468082342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435606807927305,0.0,0.0,0.1042042940609935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717229297634666,0.0,0.07734290108369696,0.0,0.10125297736188768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223718492501983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028122345798376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269217022109895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705345083874493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131792432939455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579800130856352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891070239020236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CaramelKangaroo,2019/10/08,"I keep trying to tell my doctor I think I might have BPD, but everytime she asks why I think that... I can't even explain it. Last time I saw her, I tried to tell her that I think my emotions are way more intense than they should be. I told her I keep losing my temper, but the thing is I no longer lose my temper the way I used too. Like I used to throw shit, punch walls, ect. But now in order to avoid that, my anger turns into sadness and I just end up laying in bed for hours unable to get away from my thoughts. 

All it takes is something like my long distance boyfriend not responding to my text within a certain time frame, or leaving me on r, and it can ruin my entire day. One time I was at work, thought he was going to break up, and started crying. There was no real evidence to support the fact that he was going to break up with me at the time. 

I've even ""broken"" up with him a few times in an attempt to see if he still loved me and would try to talk me out of it...

I've since sworn I'd stop doing that though, and I have. He's forgiven me, which shocked me. 

I will actively avoid people because it's exhausting questioning their intentions. I feel like I've been crying out for help since I was 14, because back then I wanted to kill myself, but was told to stop making it up. My best friend back then would cut himself and show off his scars to everyone, and I saw that and now I still kind of act like him. 

My opinions change so frequently it's ridiculous. I try to act normal around everyone else and feel like I'm acting crazy. It's ok for people to treat me like shit, because if I say anything I'm the devil. But I can't even ask people for help without feeling like a burden. 

There's really something wrong with me though :( 

why won't anyone take me seriously?",4.218694477085784,4.337916251351352,4.971480611045831,88.07214453584021,70.27027027027027,7.840188014101057,26.08695652173913,7.423996415210882,1.0872256169212688,1383,37,306,13,23,448,193,370,0.23199999999999998,0.616,0.152,-0.9899,0,2,2,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,2,5,17,35,8,2,9,1,23,5,2,4,3,58,56,22,1,7,11,0,3,7,1,6,2,1,1,0,16,16,0,6,10,1,0,6,7,20,0,1,13,7,56,15,46,36,4,52,1,4,3,1,29,19,2,6,29,193,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731666022913854,0.0,0.06745589136874988,0.07297237235326244,0.1532653270471302,0.0,0.07701530082868623,0.12606266652865544,0.0,0.14990793294047142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602445449851773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032407417433908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671540384858696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800845717713432,0.05286509580105684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390171574272395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847700620501318,0.09220735729173256,0.07260277514064782,0.0,0.0,0.16242500568600982,0.0,0.0,0.1566553314974636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434237078128155,0.17568223075657172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333128859711737,0.0,0.04282693583517965,0.0,0.09317304256464627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988807681842848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072581206392572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572078679802533,0.09068976506258833,0.08536112236611082,0.0,0.06681804125091664,0.0,0.08679640902920334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28033131729627475,0.0,0.0,0.07254255428243117,0.0,0.18341118278407714,0.0,0.0,0.07398284247976425,0.0,0.054716881497779486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695923473039267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031506025048853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554628264114655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048698808217966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182729104646918,0.0,0.0,0.09330197107512496,0.052513299806513064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518734704689334,0.0,0.0,0.06532099342228423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828596007133284,0.1356160097852518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621195078958986,0.0,0.0,0.058020134556769125,0.0,0.13092573458369636,0.1370643620398634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302074364252624,0.0,0.0,0.12326533842962775,0.06588591025738404,0.14329411183439444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445848969508716,0.15757285588843795,0.16107395619146922,0.1301530686043248,0.2389923779896209,0.0,0.0,0.1566553314974636,0.0,0.22261416431299647,0.08916189118815979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415948097409236,0.0,0.0,0.048349151963428115,0.13013096158803264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479337843383568,0.0,0.0,0.0790179889178278,0.0,0.059676521362567965,0.0,0.0,0.11646097541528308,0.08962340731190846,0.0,0.0
bpd,gellish,2019/10/08,"Jobs.. I’m only 23 and the jobs I’ve had are usually online/not involved with people. 
But now I really want to get a job, but I’m also scared of it. I have social anxiety too so even the job interview scares me (and that has made me lose some opportunities). BPD fellows with jobs, how do you manage it? Any tips on controlling feelings and fears? 

Thanks and have a great week.",0.9505116959064316,3.3638120921052637,3.074385964912281,88.06125730994152,85.97368421052632,6.5356725146198835,18.970760233918128,7.793537801064563,0.8052005847953225,293,8,61,6,9,99,58,76,0.19,0.6859999999999999,0.124,-0.7016,5,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,6,7,0,3,4,0,6,0,0,3,0,14,13,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,5,3,5,11,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,36,8,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013186941488276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215559285638796,0.0,0.1149188355708776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919838998135224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684858915108929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921971064771797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904065626135373,0.07595637136082098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848439647973941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561944475343304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7453569938773454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805913974143047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421429671905546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425002040361985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041444915163811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623557142484757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007953302376907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313163390066475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383035326988127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654474700917159,0.0,0.0886043780194938,0.0,0.12049841557689052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadninjerooz,2019/08/24,"DAE feel like they forget things or moments easier than most people? Because these happen at my ""low"" times, Im not entirely sure if BPD contributes to this or it really doesnt and this is just another problem entirely, but anyways


Its either my brain deletes most of my memory of something that happened but I still know what they felt like (mostly in painful ones) 
Or I completely remember moments but never how they felt like (unfortunately, mostly happy ones)

And I feel like this screws up my memory in general


It's getting a bit frustrating lately,I find it hard to move on from things when Im struggling to remember what really happened and I find it hard to grow when I forget how things feel like, and LuCkY fOr mE most of the motivation for doing anything comes from feeling

so yEAH,this is just absolutely awesome to have :D Any thoughts?",4.4808355795148245,6.8514998553459145,5.240543575920938,77.718820754717,72.45911949685535,8.819586702605571,28.96720575022462,9.424239791934726,2.950014914645104,683,28,118,17,14,221,97,159,0.128,0.65,0.222,0.9717,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,1,9,14,2,1,2,0,5,3,1,3,2,43,18,16,0,2,11,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,15,5,0,0,13,0,0,3,3,6,0,2,3,8,13,8,18,15,7,16,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,10,12,83,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258913496242683,0.1273493266072808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994175569836213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740338696748423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259029156723298,0.0,0.15296011630817588,0.13557667553324262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461711669787588,0.12733642666459874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456320140746081,0.2602884674792188,0.23321918398977054,0.0,0.2220034315185263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345182120789276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32218948460177144,0.1292841714163016,0.21758797665346147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623704105698938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667449116210754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966679777103691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908052024138078,0.0,0.0,0.09366855927930852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645932741241759,0.0,0.12922975160292172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419708823511436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620979889548055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560601968736945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751549187960443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349697777376396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698891760886444,0.0,0.0,0.12696432660905016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114463760544447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420549322988972,0.0,0.0,0.09641653176546452,0.07081758870915937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fickle_Fiona,2019/08/24,"The Diagnosis A full 21 years of life, numerous failed relationships, friendships, and lack of capability to cope with anything without some form of crutch. I got it.

Yesterday ranting to my therapist about my absurd ex who swore up and down I had BPD, she looks at me and said “Well you do.” 

So I guess you can probably catch hints of my shenanigans on BPDlovedones now... I’ll more than likely be the bad guy.",3.827532467532469,6.174272792207797,4.484415584415586,82.50376623376627,74.32467532467533,8.036363636363637,27.883116883116887,8.841846274778883,2.2800441558441564,323,13,62,7,7,103,64,77,0.113,0.8290000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,8,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,2,10,2,14,4,5,9,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,2,4,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202687763157896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234924305953421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33711972947534397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140793476281444,0.0,0.29486757567311633,0.265034388279122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890625273448294,0.13076955065622065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247745419544934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885924490410719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873763287058613,0.0,0.0,0.2546145101832353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107843342144766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406665725946921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580233597495357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237005714770226
bpd,multiple_sarcasms_99,2019/08/24,"How many of us here have Narcissist parent I believe the combination of my childhood sexual abuse and my Narcissistic Mother played a huge role  in the development of my disorder, and I’m wondering how many others feel similarly.",10.707,10.3551317,11.385000000000002,49.06000000000003,57.0,16.0,42.5,14.554592549557764,7.0500000000000025,188,9,27,8,2,65,31,40,0.155,0.74,0.105,-0.4939,1,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.33908167682208123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32243177952426416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279920776019746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447034144667579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5802920579809601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31777387111210303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442445556772928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103547374175844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tyler4357,2019/08/24,"DAE feel like you are a magnet an the people you love are magnets on the opposite side an the closer you try to get the more you push them away? I honestly feel I’ll never truly be close to someone because, I unintentionally push the people I love an care about away. and I don’t know how to stop doing it. I don’t blame them tho I wish I could abandon me as well. but you can’t get away from yourself. My body’s a prison. An my mind is a cell.",0.7109507445589927,2.366856567010309,2.9679725085910644,92.9800916380298,81.26804123711341,5.548224513172968,19.02520045819015,6.42735559955562,-0.16914112256586522,345,8,82,3,9,118,62,97,0.11900000000000001,0.73,0.151,0.261,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,2,0,6,7,0,0,12,0,9,3,1,1,1,13,18,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,2,17,6,10,16,1,11,0,1,0,2,10,7,0,0,3,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5615193465978907,0.0,0.0,0.12144225259834553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128776141633516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311738105846666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906042191471045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146255511499747,0.14232232695152067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208167751673596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094857320350944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732850017209298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596064411590124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011547291344089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365022639612708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762271944557982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879788920101169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655627774901752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352568458728801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912210017282998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909239417470795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,karolinehg,2019/08/24,. I hate everybody in my life and i feel trapped,-2.3363333333333323,-2.9215392999999974,-0.12999999999999726,101.93166666666669,142.0,5.333333333333334,23.33333333333333,6.42735559955562,1.268333333333334,37,2,9,1,3,12,9,10,0.542,0.45799999999999996,0.0,-0.7964,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845000225556052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7507745465526813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5371194586899221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ZZxxoot,2019/08/24,"Guilty over being suicidal in the past. I’m struggling with my bpd a lot less than I was before and now I am so guilty about all my suicidal episodes from the past.

I put my parents, my sister and my boyfriend through so much.

I never really wanted to die - at all.

Something in me was just telling me to be suicidal ( I don’t get it).

Now I can’t get over the guilt that I put everyone through that.

One of my friends also got sick recently and is facing a really serious diagnosis.

I’m even more guilty due to that- that I was just threatening to throw away my life. 😣

I knew the value of life I was just “in a zone” that I could not see out of.",1.0823133484162888,2.9448651838235307,3.066470588235294,91.71065610859728,80.98529411764707,7.12579185520362,22.961538461538463,8.139509932561175,1.1531398190045246,499,17,115,10,13,168,79,136,0.27399999999999997,0.6890000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9886,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,7,0,11,4,1,0,3,16,19,6,4,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,6,1,20,1,21,10,6,18,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,1,7,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760472079309054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991733129835433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577875193028946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096755212136705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740031548220165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560411882843534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539171275732068,0.0,0.0,0.15247196971936702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328014916523307,0.0,0.16673310002067848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761935505680316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541210137716525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565714573197987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117299230398049,0.0,0.1230669897711866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812592260891453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771789489222604,0.0,0.304647242228669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208154233115981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444388790157045,0.0,0.15755198744144264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715329169990933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284155639684792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681283030637128,0.0,0.5236172934448744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946755129065702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411604908249477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_ChelseaDagger_,2019/08/24,"BPD or Bipolar 2 Hello everyone!
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and PTSD two years ago. I go to therapy and take my meds, but it still doesn’t always help. I’ve been logging my emotions and other symptoms, and I think it might be BPD. I’m planning on talking to my psychiatrist about it, but I’m nervous about med changes and anything else they might do. 
Really, I just wanted to see if anyone else has dealt with misdiagnosis and if you have any advise.",2.982666666666667,5.0232878777777765,4.530833333333334,82.61625000000002,75.7777777777778,7.166666666666668,27.91666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.9506666666666663,359,15,69,6,8,120,63,90,0.031,0.9229999999999999,0.045,0.2942,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,0,18,16,11,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,9,0,8,11,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,5,3,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651170318009962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752709730840315,0.0,0.0,0.11239680078707638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155683727319792,0.16934999645138218,0.13601224435453735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163314636696346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484546506223084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775681505662507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761422645713688,0.1859189665538873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793315301845473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393304554588702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107844226249623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36718003546915934,0.0,0.0,0.3506742092659691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932047354326138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588329084708233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170762017309473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199368241351747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179032506308967,0.12427080119129688,0.13284666978101647,0.0,0.0,0.18901331711105585,0.0,0.0,0.10590544104137953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614555969510689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748706210456996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643559529548388
bpd,XanHeart,2019/08/24,"My cousin died yesterday. He was 27. 
We haven't talked in a few years but it still hurts. I can't stop thinking about me him and our other cousin in the back yard hitting each other with sticks we wrapped with duck tape the make handles. Or when we finally where able to beach mask of majora together when we where all kids. We would out on the backyard until we couldn't see. 

He got hit by another car while he was getting into an Uber. I just don't even know how to process this my emotions are all over the place..

Hes the 4th person in my family to die this year. 
2 grand parents and and elderly uncle. 
There supposed to go. That's what happens. 

But not him. Not Josh he was young. He was my age. 

My family got together to grieve but I didn't go. I don't think I can handle being around that many people like this but it makes me feel guilty. My wife says I shouldn't but I do. 

I'm just really sad I know that I'm probably sadder then I should be but it's hard to find motivation to keep moving forward. I just wanna lay in bed and cry. 

Idk I'm just trying to get my feelings out somewhere. 
I'm gonna try the gym I guess. 



I miss you Josh. You where always such a brightlight. I'll always remember you for that.",-0.3847192884936099,1.8589000778210119,1.5990061145080612,96.67694163424126,92.96887159533074,4.960489160644802,16.681378543635358,6.610729790773281,-0.20560113396331306,948,24,216,13,35,312,155,257,0.14300000000000002,0.8079999999999999,0.049,-0.9768,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,7,3,0,1,17,6,0,0,9,0,19,0,0,4,2,52,45,17,3,5,13,4,3,1,0,4,0,1,3,2,13,17,0,2,9,3,0,5,9,4,0,0,7,5,34,2,26,29,4,33,0,4,1,0,26,15,0,2,16,134,47,1,0.14076321248387794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342525381848625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476025016599387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530910264473574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082382216055371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462177918229378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292179981826199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583396678339315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929727742761266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653980582494111,0.0,0.1423482193862995,0.0,0.0,0.15419921882461934,0.12865502606965473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708593747096696,0.0,0.15999795508818498,0.0,0.22516239997507484,0.0,0.15506654833588993,0.0,0.12447644392184508,0.0,0.12609618967289887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068993029799918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251168109346046,0.0,0.0,0.15471956061020906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876979539512057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879210747544938,0.14271180379882653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960901805117896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630088926025593,0.0,0.0,0.09758748779496852,0.1229090076507102,0.1470675971230914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176655095577626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017651836522664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945727959589964,0.0,0.0,0.11194055638883132,0.0,0.0,0.1121700556750938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241368332087913,0.1176843485959422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314013817881954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803907655805269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911379626732267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999414745467916,0.0,0.0,0.1812937874728232
bpd,pottawa420,2019/08/24,"Hello, newly diagnosed, looking for advice on navigating Canada's mental health system. So it's been a rough 30 years, but this summer things kinda reached a tipping point. So, 2 suicide attempts, and a psychotic break later, and I finally got a diagnosis that makes sense. Problem is that was 2 months ago, and despite giving me a list of phone numbers on my way out, I'm no closer to getting any help. 

I'm using several self help resources to self teach DBT, and I'm working on journaling, walking, meditating, etc. 

The problem is getting the right medications. I've taken virtually every SSRI and SNRI over the last 25 years, with little success. My current GP sent reqs to every psychiatrist in the city, but stresses he's not comfortable making any changes. I emailed him a well researched medication guide from BPD demystified, but it didn't have any effect. 

My coping mechanisms aren't strong enough yet to deal with the constant storm of terrible feelings. Anybody have some advice?",7.049363295880152,8.498713056179778,7.430955056179776,68.2061329588015,64.50561797752809,9.528838951310863,36.743445692883896,9.725611199111238,3.9817063670411983,796,39,120,16,12,260,129,178,0.17600000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.08,-0.9678,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,5,4,8,0,1,11,0,8,4,0,4,0,21,22,10,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,6,3,7,4,16,16,3,26,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,2,11,65,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634673037325113,0.11949991513073226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750239304469257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697870323492783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260989246876754,0.0,0.0,0.14568047940311588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898200899119115,0.0,0.13682814906073368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929358281417986,0.1503475072715579,0.0,0.0,0.2271645474313811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816340711273812,0.0,0.0,0.14767651010350952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086412432296594,0.1293209366299729,0.0,0.0,0.10781895553137756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329550780846906,0.0,0.0,0.18071906631535709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098872086717748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511388722006334,0.0,0.0,0.113205484845149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997191364638465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27161147549881004,0.13585561740628882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760314107577937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743794106031942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579877338039844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151260246949196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812700707883154,0.15229563315499606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442308673443386,0.0,0.0,0.1474590058649144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956101240084832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643156633709065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700499343421477,0.0,0.0,0.12120934959848875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814245124529404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362496413087758
bpd,litemeuphoe,2019/08/24,"How do you know when you've found ""the one"" when literally every partner you've had has been ""the one"" It seems like every person I date is THE ONE. I fall fast and I fall hard. It goes like such: the first three months, give or take, I idolize them. We are flawless together. I want to spend all my time with them. I pick up their hobbies and their personality. Then something happens and they fall from grace. It could be anything. Then somehow I build them back up and the process repeats itself. I'm always splitting on my partner, but when times are good they are always THE ONE.

How am I supposed to know when it's real or if it's just this disorder taking control? Do you ever really know?",1.7369565217391312,4.1617303768115965,2.790753623188408,91.44047826086958,82.18840579710145,5.1292753623188405,22.243478260869566,6.42735559955562,0.4258486956521734,544,18,111,5,15,173,86,138,0.04,0.865,0.095,0.6728,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,7,2,11,5,0,0,6,0,12,0,0,4,2,26,23,16,0,3,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,6,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,3,1,20,5,7,18,1,21,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,5,17,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705266787199909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377342156786942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499897259767018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232539781771714,0.12979131326386478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630839028694546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704525826129816,0.27392842619335805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827385874090015,0.0,0.1782391724866609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594282226455294,0.0,0.13634801552608738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437516929975702,0.0,0.14562225731161665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680169606008623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883767568668755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297542218697384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406207454090207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838830766331071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502941190883204,0.10414040420183354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798895296845038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514699722506895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444504956922383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958064289770368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588238116513846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,latereve36,2019/08/24,"(Venting) I'm losing my Goddamn mind. TRIGGER WARNINGS: suicide, self harm, abuse

Heyo, 20F here. Just to explicitly state: I have not been diagnosed with anything. I'm building the courage to seek help. I'm just terrified & procrastinating. 

I simply just want input/comments on my situation/if any of you can relate to this. I just need to VENT because I feel like I'm about to explode suppressing my feelings. This is also going to be super long- fair warning. 

Throughout my life, I've done a lot of research on mental illness. I spent 2 years at University, (trying) to get my degree in psychology.  I love researching mental illness. The way people behave and think fascinates me. 

For general backstory of my life: My childhood was rough. I don't know a single family member of mine of adult age who isn't an alcoholic and who hasn't been a past drug addict. My father was emotionally abusive as a drunk. My mother was also a drunk and treated me like her adult bestfriend, (think emotional incest). My dad went previously and has dealt with the police multiple times throughout my childhood. I've dealt with CPS, (Child protective services), 3 times in my life. Nothing came out of it. My family is one hulking chunk of addiction. I could write a novel on my life if I wanted to. But let's just say; every Thanksgiving and Christmas started with a family war and ended in blue and red flashing lights. But in general, I was terrified of my father when I was a child. I remember shaking at night , unable to even go to the bathroom in fear.  My parents divorced when I was about 11 and I moved with my mom and her very, very, very narcissistic boyfriend. I endured emotional abuse from my mom's bf until I moved out at 16 to live with my (now sober), dad. None of my past childhood was ever resolved. No apologies, nothing. I was left an empty shell of traumatizing past memories. 

I'm 20 now, and I've never drank alcohol in my entire life. I'm the only person in my immediate family who isn't an addict, (except for my sister). I've never done any form of drug. I cannot stand alcohol. 

I cannot get these memories out of my mind. I cannot even be near people drinking. I reject party offers, bar offers, etc. I can't even go to my end of the summer work party. I'm just terrified of drunk people. 

I'm also terrified of anything health related, (including mental illness). Many things run in my family, including schizophrenia. I'm terrified of losing my mind one day and never being the same again. 

Well, over the past few years I've realized that I am not healthy mentally. I know something isn't normal and I'm desperate to have the courage to get help. I have severe social anxiety. I have no irl friends. I've lost all of my online friends in 3 months. I barely scraped by highschool and first year of university due to being depressed. I don't  feel like a human being, if that makes sense. I feel lower than the human race. I feel worthless. I don't know what I am, or who the fuck I even am. I hate myself and I am a horrible person. I feel like I should be treated as such.  This past year I was in second year of University, and I felt extremely apathetic about my entire future. I didn't go to any of my exams and failed all of my classes. 12k in tuition down the drain. As a result, I was required to withdraw. 

I'm having a painfully hard time keeping friends. All I see in people are the red flags. I immediately either despise them, forget they exist, or I love, trust, and get painfully clingy and attached to them. I cut people out of my life as soon as they do something I don't like. I've fucked up sooo many of my friendships in these couple of months. I especially fuck everything up when things are good. In a matter of 3 months, I've managed to:

-lose a friend because I talked behind their back and started a lot of unneeded drama. 

-lose another friend because I looked through their phone and found something about them that I didn't like-so I cut them out, (immediately regretting the fact). 

-lose another friend because they were complaining that I never talk to them anymore, so they basically cut me out of their life. 

-lose my best friend, let's call them Bestie. I purposely said something rude about one of Bestie's friends, let's call them RudeDude. (RudeDude is one of my sister's ex-friends who is a known racist and a bad person in general). Bestie then talked behind my back and showed RudeDude my msg, and then  Bestie blocked me. I tried reaching out to Bestie to apologize, but  Bestie said that we needed space and that they were sorry about what they did. Bestie told me that THEY'RE the one that should be apologizing and was confused as to why I wasnt mad at them (???).

I just lose people so fucking easily. I know I'm being extremely vague. But this post is already very long. I'm so fucking terrified of people leaving me. It is getting to the point where if I have any arguments with ANYONE, I will desperately try to claw my way back to them and I will get extremely overly emotional and suicidal. The fact I get suicidal so quickly scares me. It is scaring me. It has gotten to the point where if I get overly emotional and in a heated argument with my friends or family, I will get very suicidal and I will get extremely furious. Furious to the point I'll start hitting myself. And then I'll get even more mad when they tell me I'm ""manipulating"" them. I'm not manipulative.  Manipulation is never on my mind. I'm never scheming to hurt people.

A few months ago I didn't understand self harm, and assured myself that I would NEVER do that. And NOW I'm starting to actually hurt myself. That's terrifying me. I feel like I'm losing control of my sanity. I'm even thinking about doing drugs and drinking- thinking, ""Eh why not? Fuck everything. Fuck your morals."" 

Employment. My first job was last summer. I lasted 2 weeks before quitting my job after my manager berated me. I literally cried in the bathroom for 4 hours before taking a bus home and quitting that job over email. Right now I've managed to keep my new summer job, but I've been very close to quitting after the same thing basically occurred. 

I've spent this entire summer being semi-optimisitc about my future career. But it has gone to being very passionate about being a social worker, and then an early childhood educator, and then a librarian, and then a web developer, and NOW I'm very  passionate about  being a game developer. I applied to a college on my phone about a month ago, and guess what? I GOT ACCEPTED into a computer programming analyst program... YAY ME. 

So to sum it up: I failed University, lost all of my friends because I'm a horrible person, want to die sometimes, and got accepted into a new college  program.

Anyway. I'm so sorry about ranting on and on and on, and I apologize if this is worded weirdly/grammar is shit. My mind is like TV static.",3.309183301735996,5.585759390778534,4.791794419042663,80.02263159362109,75.65154950869238,7.723948304276173,27.32196448706987,8.602712287640571,2.281305024596359,5426,218,984,112,122,1811,483,1323,0.162,0.732,0.106,-0.9971,8,0,12,0,3,4,205.0,1,2,20,24,57,83,19,5,54,1,89,44,1,7,16,172,185,83,6,17,27,10,10,7,11,7,24,3,1,12,37,63,10,7,24,11,3,11,30,48,1,8,40,19,164,35,154,121,17,155,1,18,5,12,92,56,8,12,90,644,201,27,0.0,0.11563522383991365,0.031746518023434867,0.1063939747317323,0.0,0.0,0.05767527178580816,0.10430037357890347,0.0,0.0,0.03589984700945626,0.07804743387152342,0.0,0.03524838489291579,0.0,0.08849144324370223,0.06822523151936853,0.024886874353146973,0.0,0.03226298086713458,0.022747115631326004,0.0,0.0535420924682227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504524969328576,0.027162843016225246,0.09915596009425813,0.0,0.05536463487439177,0.0,0.03414030415897691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643757426861023,0.037207916553686375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036487379910175005,0.02597413751886509,0.035996015217343816,0.03573485057506934,0.020980434698050103,0.0,0.02801974523749879,0.03301927317853539,0.0337630573351381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665830173185794,0.0,0.06373790735484239,0.11318029981438488,0.0,0.0,0.1829704844969084,0.057627353536551275,0.0,0.03628175524107896,0.1289223890920338,0.029427036860404005,0.027409594807811664,0.0,0.0584752888382707,0.0,0.18400952319805453,0.03660752001228871,0.11514401992424407,0.09296340718185392,0.031235800860431512,0.0,0.0,0.05534336824065697,0.0,0.0356696350548922,0.2764753830639017,0.21052702805483875,0.18696277547435491,0.0,0.07395469186332677,0.0272862799261385,0.05203758979352557,0.0,0.0358376417816394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029142262622228587,0.032118593451865886,0.0,0.03457997166565939,0.0,0.0,0.04361099861540897,0.0,0.03263222672711511,0.0,0.032037445554395465,0.0,0.06965231121830545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913187477208046,0.05783183412869807,0.0,0.0,0.07151489794885679,0.053035808594465834,0.0,0.03444666776951235,0.03534608960680713,0.09979845575246776,0.1608480884917181,0.1271478507371432,0.0,0.028726332849586825,0.0575795541421066,0.0273186683812507,0.2911596988511678,0.07102499452952184,0.05531504918685113,0.058722761092274076,0.0,0.02171534812809625,0.06596463979420658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113833008106274,0.0,0.16424012127632825,0.07620211959695287,0.1298335735168276,0.0691526890068789,0.0,0.04824409939182231,0.1756346703676174,0.0628391747173638,0.0,0.0305290578549423,0.031874431537900434,0.062430621136260876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102225521407938,0.02474203544183764,0.06923263716571353,0.0,0.03612291199857896,0.0,0.15527727177206102,0.18042862074369104,0.11362267452762932,0.0,0.0,0.09225970426552407,0.0,0.031156642538985212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038052900771698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03685238968016637,0.027782131713797068,0.06189072221674111,0.025870734879650664,0.06514037104928519,0.0,0.025923774773157552,0.0,0.06787589664889072,0.03675187561596517,0.0333936082246226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632451005000803,0.0,0.10017882504628192,0.03217495837611193,0.07283377254205457,0.0921052067187242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233881641204313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024459999024575213,0.0784439155967065,0.028434382936429862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483840251242122,0.08338071243563427,0.0,0.0,0.05690897448039101,0.0,0.0,0.031085699389938694,0.0,0.06626123342525632,0.0,0.0,0.03386693670885207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473831295426232,0.057564611021920765,0.05164474026617776,0.026095190691049062,0.0,0.029250155422395063,0.030157469805120067,0.058710100774739815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023683667654095488,0.0,0.0,0.023109783994023508,0.0,0.0,0.1047476371018176
bpd,coolbadasscat,2019/08/24,"Triggered by reading the stigma of BPD. How can I feel like I am still worth it? Hi all. Sorry I have had to repost. 

So, I have BPD and it’s been slowly but surely tainting my relationship. We’ve gotten to the point where things desperately need to change and my boyfriend has decided that we need to take some space because he feels like I have been entirely too dependent on him this whole time. And I have. I have made him literally my everything and my whole life and now I can get how overwhelming and bad that can be for another person. I also don’t want to feel like I need someone that much. 

So I agreed to taking this space (even tho it’s been very hard bc I miss him) because he wants to see that I can be independent. And I can. I have started therapy and it’s been going well. 

I started reading some things about people with BPD and how the significant others just leave them bc they aren’t worth all the trouble and effort and etc. It was all very hard to read but I came by this accidentally and like a train wreck I couldn’t stop reading. I was comfortable with space and not talking for a bit before, but now I’m panicked. These stigmatizations make it feel like I can never be in a relationship or be with anyone bc no matter what I have BPD and that’s it I’m the worst. It seems as if they don’t think there is any room for growth or change?

Now I can’t stop catastrophizing and feeling like my boyfriend will come back after this and leave me and say I am not worth all this trouble. How can I use some DBT skills to calm myself and get reassurance when I can’t actually ask for it? 
How can I feel like I am worthy and worth the effort even though i have BPD? 

Thanks in advance",2.727657756136338,4.415591876080693,3.8350531650601236,88.87904899135448,75.48414985590779,6.976408625658352,22.628341448872103,7.753152298057669,0.8258362118652487,1339,37,291,19,29,434,164,347,0.133,0.687,0.18,0.9403,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,3,4,24,19,0,1,9,0,39,1,0,11,6,72,71,37,0,7,9,0,8,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,24,25,0,2,9,4,4,5,10,6,1,0,10,10,42,13,25,55,13,27,0,2,1,0,17,9,0,8,20,203,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0753247492979577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172754006577669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249076270684132,0.08093877344592525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397192791084871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216073956115683,0.0,0.0,0.059353119345525174,0.06444909450877705,0.0941066712259259,0.0,0.0656816479654248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842697472864053,0.0,0.4860804736843427,0.0,0.0,0.08828297277316699,0.0,0.0,0.16331019660132806,0.06649097669034075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608547607037513,0.1019644278267266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937196181037805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341726627211829,0.33086047427412324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065551217737446,0.0,0.04386794970633191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829130012773008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634627527953266,0.0,0.0,0.05452045360308996,0.2639724922523665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303753571020632,0.05152386011150169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056742359523053,0.17170267409069315,0.059532456908026776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053512721511939934,0.06739793846871077,0.0,0.0,0.07296799278348505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088371754893977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574292130621662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061383318243755314,0.0,0.0,0.06150916564151551,0.07026942545861742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540148557358977,0.0,0.0,0.08640610055416005,0.10926870153134707,0.0,0.06164276041535487,0.1290659266884706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274915878468383,0.0,0.11607214958152892,0.062041116571275576,0.0,0.07106471328121013,0.08827166883250089,0.0,0.10256109369270966,0.04945921357314663,0.07583721658874333,0.0,0.045009180034326635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666599932145355,0.0,0.12737703687697288,0.09105544300343583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940164658347059,0.0,0.0,0.1723561965766856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ghoulish_Gal,2019/08/24,"Bpd and ocd making me wish I was dead I'm having really bad intrusive thoughts and I just don't know what to do.

I have a boyfriend that I've been with for five years. A bit of a back story, about this time last year I cheated on him. We had a lot of problems and I felt I wasn't getting enough attention. Sometimes he's distant and he's not very expressive and as someone with bpd I find this quite hard to take. He forgave me and we are working through it. I feel fucking horrible about it and I'm very ashamed of myself. 

So a few months ago I reconnected with an old male friend on Facebook. We had been friends in the past but nothing more. Anyhow I suddenly became obsessed with this person, talking all the time and I would check his Facebook page and look through his pics and imagine what it would be like to be with him. I would talk to him a lot and get excited if he liked my posts etc. I felt like I wanted him to think I was cool and an interesting person  not that I wanted him to be attracted to me if that makes sense. 

We only ever talked in a platonic fashion - no flirting, nothing like that. I have had the 'favourite person' thing before with females and males. I think this time I thought I had a romantic type crush however I'm pretty sure that's not the case since I think if he ever spoke to me in that fashion I would feel really uncomfortable.

When we talk we talk about things like cats, music, films, mental health stuff and relationships. I talk to him about my boyfriend and he talks about his girlfriend.

The other night we were talking about cats and we got onto the subject of cats being in the room when we're having sex with our partners. Just talking about that subject with him made me feel very very uncomfortable which is a clear sign that I am not interested in him in that way. 

I feel like I got obsessed with this person and in my brain I sometimes struggle to know if it's attraction or not. I very much love my boyfriend and I don't want anyone else.

I also struggle socially, I don't have a lot of friends and I can be quite full on. I feel very guilty about all of this probably because I have cheated in the past, but I know I would never do that again. 

I have really bad intrusive thoughts and my brain won't let me stop thinking about this and torturing myself. I know I haven't done anything wrong however I feel guilty about my thoughts and obsessions.

I feel like confessing - I know I don't have anything to confess really, I know I'm entitled to my own private thoughts and I haven't done anything. I just feel like if I don't confess then my boyfriend doesn't know the 'real' me and I don't deserve his love. 

I feel like I don't want to be here anymore.",3.309374045153625,4.806839333941606,4.044101171278221,88.7671694109659,73.54379562043796,7.214462739772536,27.525207944321853,7.8205782467293705,1.5117038193855028,2137,81,450,29,43,681,214,548,0.136,0.718,0.146,0.7615,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,9,0,0,3,22,36,4,6,21,1,49,7,2,3,7,118,98,38,1,16,16,0,12,9,5,6,1,1,1,7,28,41,0,1,33,1,1,0,19,14,0,1,23,15,88,22,54,62,14,38,3,0,1,4,56,14,1,10,31,305,116,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049878179446225336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499749247150951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580272790520409,0.039343887951040296,0.057653206732818776,0.13891128797663704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043266612245764835,0.09396284516972543,0.034300445356279234,0.0,0.04787991643099916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061430073433274085,0.0,0.14173513107343538,0.1256273749066027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516338226270563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470046867452176,0.0,0.0,0.058139876599180476,0.06275368429157045,0.0,0.1017952394256482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560570844861477,0.16079145747484758,0.10805219167404273,0.0,0.051427924848127374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041753195661193,0.05201885144913113,0.05879540636350944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900053059588426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504050682219139,0.0,0.0,0.059810243751969826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646391614356505,0.04586592305927111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057537833579284714,0.0,0.24740728595693665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047250941402142935,0.0,0.0,0.14351110262634795,0.10156811835116432,0.05324213405808046,0.07511864250543204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056704901056669775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449125739853765,0.0,0.04136344802876499,0.0,0.04339734385453989,0.0,0.0,0.052803698322153314,0.0,0.10798131079600584,0.0,0.05904379178168725,0.0,0.0,0.042794343066676635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074283294806828,0.0,0.1965241592721431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388918194517449,0.057244776061080374,0.060666411685987714,0.05384086870489687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969587024320025,0.0,0.0640452929552363,0.14418686471034034,0.0,0.0,0.0604107651603744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046545464024137236,0.0,0.0,0.05735813133647503,0.04767568659932332,0.0,0.11130096471974897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704256040581114,0.0,0.11764704360794423,0.06441338826565221,0.0,0.0,0.05303191608209555,0.0,0.04230652696819933,0.4070347215487082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476390661914863,0.14421702779880205,0.0,0.2233525002669882,0.09843095501223316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785619150774751,0.1327532769545338,0.04466291259131895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470541331210294,0.0,0.0,0.04096376795874634,0.0,0.0,0.19985583376150526,0.0615202156052624,0.0,0.07246948341168488
bpd,caticorn23,2019/08/24,"I know you guys aren’t doctors but I need advice/help... So around some time last year I got diagnosed with bipolar depression disorder. I myself think I was misdiagnosed and feel I have BPD instead, here’s a list of reasons why. 

-VERY inconsistent in everything that I do (changing jobs frequently, breaking up and getting back together in relationships, starting and not finishing hobbies)

-I used to self harm (cut) in high school 

-If I hurt someone’s feelings or do something wrong I punish myself for it in various ways (bad self talk, hitting myself, isolating myself, sleeping on the floor because I don’t “deserve” to sleep in the bed, etc)

- I have suicidal thoughts (not as frequently as I used to when I was younger but they’re still there.)

-I have eating problems (sometimes I’ll talk myself into starving myself and other times I eat everything in sight)

-I push people away before I think they’re going to hurt me

-I’m a liar and manipulator (sometimes I don’t mean to but sometimes I do it on purpose)

-I tweak my personality around certain groups of people so I’m liked more. 

-My moods change very drastically (I used to have crying fits over nothing. One minute I could be totally in love and the next minute I don’t want a relationship anymore, my anger isn’t really an issue though but I can get pretty irritated at times and be fine the next)

-I sometimes have paranoid thoughts that people want to kill me or that they’re planning it. I know in my head I’m being irrational but the thought is still there. 

I have an evaluation appointment with a different psychiatrist coming up soon and I just wanted to know if I should explain to them these same reasons? What are your opinions? If you think it was a misdiagnosis then what can I do to make sure I get the proper one this time? Thanks for your help!",4.463530712777725,6.639872632653062,5.088647833517644,79.64574344023328,71.94460641399417,7.996340605207601,29.903387956167695,8.74248658614541,2.538345008545289,1455,62,261,28,29,467,191,343,0.19899999999999998,0.715,0.086,-0.9942,3,0,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,4,1,1,16,19,5,0,13,0,27,9,3,7,3,60,61,25,2,10,13,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,4,12,14,2,0,15,0,0,3,7,12,0,2,7,3,49,6,36,48,6,44,0,3,1,1,17,21,0,7,19,179,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272361815295788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851111218707266,0.0,0.0,0.07836957750338794,0.06413970865852515,0.06964665363304734,0.050847997054004654,0.0,0.0709786075469642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105056180064316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648050425112774,0.07185320536418907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659876354301189,0.0,0.09162563576809353,0.0,0.0,0.0718437863914548,0.0846627829386913,0.0,0.08714918531238951,0.09559891273751324,0.08537708668038446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070533929614626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302792196549622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993306059232234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435258066943335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074008012902238,0.0,0.047405722641654144,0.0,0.06671326690809569,0.0,0.0,0.08259231953472386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560615025012089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182040529941517,0.0881307720416148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859140853793726,0.0,0.0,0.08706185413208642,0.08277486776572837,0.0,0.09228450055198988,0.0,0.13752536849893382,0.06799300406663895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040751543916015084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528379484663672,0.0,0.0556790512942683,0.0,0.0,0.0908615792972937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061849933715949726,0.0,0.0,0.17742206401218394,0.0,0.0,0.08003734814827586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304607410814645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734849189974069,0.07283330994623166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486135308963579,0.0,0.07981529991389655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053436720688783884,0.17152560930131402,0.0,0.17910941837625727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441875198520865,0.0,0.0,0.17403660806470164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694715762175735,0.0,0.07067585118996861,0.06421566333461841,0.3299916993725928,0.0,0.059040390454594825,0.0,0.13322800006285482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124065399989496,0.0,0.07861608456395648,0.0,0.0,0.13408896400425582,0.0,0.07679579533509537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034369805875592,0.08195318175542858,0.19866262069103965,0.194555954342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161270285904448,0.0,0.1376494803502053,0.14759804498262574,0.06620962568495943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526756405758299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119939141797326,0.0,0.053715455306005334
bpd,k9jm,2019/08/24,"BPD diagnosis 10 years ago. I can’t believe I made it. Honestly. I’ll tell my story to whoever wants to hear from a longtime BPD sufferer.
Everything is everything. 
Jealousy is an emotion.
Fear is an emotion.
Self hatred is an emotion.
Love is an emotion.
BPD by symptom definition, is a sense of overwhelming emotions.  
BPD cannot be cured, like most mental illness and emotional disorders, but the symptoms can be managed.
Sadness, joy, relief, aggression, anger, fear, jealousy, insecurity... these can overwhelm me, easily, and sometimes before I even recognize what’s happening. 
Before I went on this years long journey of healing, I would come apart, physically hurt myself, become lost in the emotions, cry for days in bed, stop eating, smoke packs of cigarettes, cry, and cry, and hate myself so hard that I would entertain suicide... you know the drill.  
I can happily say, that now, this is an undeniable rarity in my life. 
Nothing is perfect, trust me, but I’ve come so far in recognizing my own signs and symptoms, knowing when I need care, and knowing what that care is. 
I was unlucky, in that I was misdiagnosed with everything under the sun, from age 16 (I had a terrible childhood, completely neglected, and abused, and a frequent runaway) and in the 80’s they sent you to a special high school when you were emotionally disturbed. It saved my life and I graduated high school first in my class with college scholarships. But I continued to suffer when I tried to attend college in the real world, and dropped out, and continued a life of unreasonable suffering and emotional and physical pain. 
At age 40, after another attempt to take my life, I was fortunate enough to enter a treatment facility for women’s emotional disorders, and learned so much in that five weeks, regarding treatments, care, therapies, diet, exercise, and more than that, I learned to understand and trust myself, and not the people (mainly family) who put me down, treat me like a mental patient, and scapegoat me. I learned I wasn’t crazy, but my environment and circumstances had nearly killed me. Numerous times. 
Managing my emotions was so hard for me, and using DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), meditation, guided imagery, and talk therapy, coupled with (finally) a medication that stabilizes me, over the last few years, has helped me more than anything I have ever done. 
The trick was, I focused on me.  Much like a cancer patient, or transplant recipient might have to alter their lives, to seek treatments and change their lives, IN ORDER TO SURVIVE! We must do the same thing. 
Trust the process because it actually works. 
Change your mind.  
That’s my very favorite saying.  It’s everything. When I am feeling jealous, insecure. Afraid. Irritable. If I’m ruminating or fixated, I tell myself change your mind. 
And really, this is what this whole process of healing is about, changing your mind.  
I need to believe in me, because ultimately I am my own hero,  
Most people have let me down, and I have let myself down in the past, and I still do from time to time, but I don’t fixate on the mistake anymore. I don’t BELIEVE I am any less worthy than any other human person. 
When I take the time and effort to take care of me, I bring inherent value to myself. 
I urge any of you, who have a diagnosis and access to therapy, medication, and support, to please take the steps to get help. A light will go off, eventually. And it will get better, I promise. 
Love to you all.",6.138474455162559,7.846793954983924,6.741824222936767,71.34595891389785,66.84565916398714,10.159113969274742,35.36563058235085,10.355215969177356,4.120143079671312,2728,134,447,72,45,893,305,622,0.19699999999999998,0.6559999999999999,0.147,-0.9896,1,0,2,0,1,3,130.0,1,8,3,9,14,48,6,8,32,0,49,19,0,2,4,78,83,47,2,8,9,0,3,3,0,6,15,3,1,4,25,37,2,2,8,2,1,11,6,24,0,2,14,7,74,24,65,59,15,73,0,9,0,2,29,29,0,6,34,314,99,13,0.0,0.05661951714658293,0.04663300148215937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236009493523242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748994206771988,0.05010860277991434,0.0,0.0,0.047391642556999465,0.0,0.0,0.039324446157928516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826075200596351,0.05277674129574746,0.08132605592370347,0.16151800215636258,0.0,0.04226352131818156,0.0,0.0,0.24074309345637895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488721779703444,0.0,0.2022082970375835,0.08232815491454823,0.050103526992543036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528751603480767,0.15747459345952394,0.030818518164678423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953557405859222,0.0,0.0,0.04890246456338786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889780333069855,0.0,0.5912906199842711,0.0,0.04937651533410895,0.0,0.03156271582904688,0.04322587606344059,0.0,0.0,0.17179069711215755,0.0,0.045049120881498435,0.10754682033041013,0.02416243051926585,0.0,0.0,0.0523480789157456,0.0,0.040647408501447546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993323779988745,0.0,0.02715832688115079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042257689495712084,0.0,0.08561513266133147,0.047179549421454345,0.0,0.0,0.05385917124238026,0.0,0.06406093926803429,0.10097870813981724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051156733627942465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286898906699651,0.0,0.07878708949081506,0.038952601651739374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773043522624217,0.13501285659107154,0.0700386170008667,0.0,0.08439319999521926,0.04228979429600471,0.0,0.0,0.05216491258538334,0.0,0.08625886476844617,0.0452170042751097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962803017478398,0.09631566423322103,0.05069421921054318,0.14475306828777754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025755971049727,0.07086657997527618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045852701795993496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084850044309214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045617886278721584,0.066258669158248,0.04172557086215342,0.0,0.05245553155869363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803891015072244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054391814614314124,0.030613433295658063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600392692494531,0.0,0.09672554002155782,0.0,0.0,0.04985203080687567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047262344819487184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038162582213752926,0.03995188571256825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052270978440940856,0.05422786877048996,0.0,0.1490062770551836,0.14371883806906002,0.03840920159692532,0.08353549958707278,0.0,0.21859337876934976,0.0,0.03174741156631829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111459416928106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03244408509356015,0.0,0.0,0.04974772063425239,0.0,0.0412724326883524,0.0,0.0394290960463774,0.02818587946268166,0.0,0.0383316704299547,0.0,0.0,0.044298821467041005,0.0,0.05335223047757196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034789343133666537,0.0,0.0,0.06789271128570086,0.0,0.0,0.09231935381289877
bpd,anilepmal,2019/08/24,"Part of my story I went through 9 antidepressants over last 20 years, almost all mood stabilizers and many sedatives. None of them never did much for my BPD. I also have ADHD.   
I was put on Strattera last year and apart from my expectations, my BPD is under control. I don't mean to encourage you to run for Strattera as well, because we response different to medications. But it's an option you have to discuss with your doc. It has it's down sides as well.   
I'm now able to recognize all BPD patterns and I'm much more self aware. For the first time in my life I really don't get the need for the ""classic BPD"" drama. Anybody else with similar experience or other drugs that really helped here?",3.799612299465239,5.584916367647061,5.0229946524064175,81.07120320855616,72.82352941176471,8.180748663101605,27.06951871657754,8.841846274778883,2.11595,550,20,106,11,11,182,95,136,0.021,0.946,0.033,0.1275,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,3,1,2,5,4,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,3,17,14,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,1,1,0,3,4,0,2,1,3,0,15,3,22,11,7,18,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,3,8,73,20,0,0.1320712312421782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587239546231895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225026043921465,0.0,0.0,0.1056173159083483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805093967243827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6653563695075829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812911608283946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798632671941846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316069840009125,0.0,0.1103285666925977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919100663720165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233972182597704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900176728499123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852456235955967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531136154958846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328581643668236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338994990801444,0.0,0.1438642888308941,0.0,0.13304787087826606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941751025472671,0.09792914449758053,0.10186147546711057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430202731877487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276806571722954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921642522178776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777909785085088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701179702602141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23749579600791196,0.12243135452654455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700990855891122
bpd,wyx86,2019/08/24,"Silent SO / FP = DOOM ? Hi guys, most of the time when my SO keeps quiet ,eg in the car, train or at home, things escalate in a very negative manner. A sigh in the car or maybe a few minutes of silence from my SO makes me feel like it is the end of the world. It feels like my SO is angry/ unhappy with me , then I become so pissed with myself or my SO  ( sometimes I do not even know where or who I am directing my anger / guilt to ) .  I would either lose it by shouting my head of or hitting myself/ jabbing my sides with a pen or go home and cut myself. Does any of you feel the same way or is my BPD off the roof ...or maybe I should be better off dead ?",2.8048226950354618,2.785872035460997,4.244822695035463,92.53333333333336,73.32624113475177,7.401418439716313,23.46808510638298,6.937597516519254,0.4758851063829788,491,11,122,4,9,164,89,141,0.205,0.737,0.057999999999999996,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,2,9,10,3,1,11,0,8,2,2,1,0,24,16,17,1,2,10,0,3,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,6,1,0,0,5,19,3,17,12,4,17,1,2,0,0,4,9,1,9,6,85,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824650699465015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828095426618465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679102071634302,0.0,0.0,0.2375203546440264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650348870905257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703325265145266,0.0,0.0,0.12456078967186998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860677239093907,0.2694550300543917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071790735881384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673206102440146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354599752885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783388711773837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762594095508462,0.0,0.0,0.10364319445849332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426942912445102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098206214381046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588415076163229,0.0,0.3789245789397598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651864511106966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528968280667374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099673509095995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560509324311486,0.0,0.1496926098389659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396771330635132,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway529916,2019/08/24,"Every time my day is going well, something has to ruin it. Anyone else relate? Using a throwaway because I don’t want my identity to be uncovered. 

Was having an excellent day today, and then my family and FP had to come along and say something to ruin it, and once my day is ruined, it’s fucking ruined. There really is no turning it back around (curse BPD). 

Does anyone else have problems with this? How do you deal with it?",3.3385714285714267,5.223287228915666,4.957177280550777,80.64096385542172,74.30120481927709,7.152495697074013,23.9053356282272,7.957251820313856,1.5113697074010335,332,10,59,5,7,112,59,83,0.20199999999999999,0.725,0.073,-0.9249,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,1,0,2,0,11,1,0,2,0,13,17,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,2,1,6,2,8,14,0,10,0,4,0,1,3,1,1,0,7,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25050136272856965,0.3670762500700234,0.0,0.15946217594457684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377386157374685,0.0,0.10919495697320374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256058394927211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543031805126229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465688288361431,0.1846734251667711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675639379810472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29927744047459365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092332941190792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886623144968532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560123889888506,0.0,0.0,0.10180274827032484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076580718962727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714016036982696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475418412653705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424500241520127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758034534725944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445115980031563,0.0,0.16979269576481393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484016651353805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154709349138603,0.0,0.0,0.10565452003998832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105786579907794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eeetang,2019/08/24,"Is it common for those with BPD to feel calmer just after discovering or realizing that it might be affecting them? This is more in reference to those who realized it before getting diagnosed but anyone can input!

I am starting to seriously question if I have it. I am aware those online tests are not a substitute for a diagnosis. But the more I learn about BPD and trying to accept the possibility that I might have it, I feel a calmness. The truth is I could have other mental issues contributing to this as well. 

I’ve just been learning so much about mental health recently and it’s opened my eyes to being more analytical about the mind even my own.

And yes I am already planning to see a therapist for other reasons as well so don’t be afraid to ask questions as well to help me understand more about myself.

Also is it weird to feel like it’s “ok” to have it if I do? Part of me thinks that just knowing I have it I know I have it I can just try to compensate mentally without getting medical treatment.",3.882954545454545,5.684063292929295,5.386755050505048,78.48346590909094,72.63636363636363,8.586363636363638,28.031565656565647,9.188382445141503,2.4900595959595955,804,31,151,18,16,271,110,198,0.02,0.8140000000000001,0.166,0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,15,11,0,1,8,2,25,4,1,2,1,38,37,14,0,3,11,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,22,5,0,0,16,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,5,19,8,27,30,7,6,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,7,5,128,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228576827059958,0.10311129447648608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901561174533932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053918329813225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971633954385727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247846054317276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029461242847202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086887670321215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851620211380906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955840647339664,0.09211299569353656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472907325338146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705456276534794,0.0,0.0,0.086424107063841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457728010448014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172138665056574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299236324504587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298909944416985,0.3898161050740528,0.2735646825432035,0.1301901472198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478391874741142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962677784357322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535768948585825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888790799713637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256925319447804,0.1273102536603792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274651613699393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126264588428504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970640774910987,0.0,0.08261796160808939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508023552276275,0.0,0.0,0.1342285137683592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34779096706570856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242911757476222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anonymous1122556,2019/08/24,"Does anybody else only let their partners initiate sex because you struggle to handle rejection? I always let my partner initiate sexual stuff with me, otherwise I don't at all. I know rejection is a normal part of life, but I take it personally and would feel garbage for a while about it. I internalise my pain, but I'd be almost crying. :( Anybody else?",4.194545454545455,6.632443000000006,5.684848484848484,73.89727272727276,73.54545454545455,9.248484848484848,32.21212121212121,9.725611199111238,3.7817757575757582,282,14,46,8,6,95,52,66,0.258,0.742,0.0,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,1,10,9,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,10,0,6,5,2,2,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308210742688106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853709045290801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580469202324982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447134984236397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949563823506152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37220840375561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264432133887298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243412652384067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556155284723907,0.15735618557286113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827721471840167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943431842185686,0.23705375247512675,0.0,0.0,0.24124915778260897,0.0,0.0,0.19452300580840465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23289814984425355,0.2550299351722417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675029232364714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825660379107806,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nomadbrains,2019/08/24,"help !!! seekin support  hi everyone, dunno  how y'all  holdin on it's my first time on social media ""isolation our dearest""! Im  sorry beforehand i'm clamsy when it comes to writtin' in community forum.

i need support I lost everyone around // you don't say !! // , finally  had my FP back but  he's fadin' litterally day after day,  he  hit the jackpot;a chick with   alcohol abuse, BPD, medication followin all fucked up, family issues, no job, no relatives...! 

Came back from Canada to a country where AA is a myth, BPD, ED, and ADD  a joke for most. so please!!! somebody ? ! my selfdestruction is in uprade mode !! 

p.s : sorry my keyboard is screwed missin' some letters. keep it up friends !!",1.6807445442875455,4.438906154471546,3.4355498502353465,81.96177150192554,93.14634146341464,6.491912708600771,25.172871202396234,7.669130373188453,2.12780650406504,519,23,90,12,19,172,97,123,0.195,0.691,0.114,-0.9195,1,1,1,0,1,0,42.0,1,2,0,2,7,7,2,0,4,0,5,4,0,1,1,14,15,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,6,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,3,1,1,3,1,9,4,13,11,3,19,0,1,0,2,12,8,2,3,9,48,12,2,0.0,0.1780255150977589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605750143829777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375723559749528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310709278477773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784773818173258,0.0,0.0,0.17184967409294016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942985850414554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380181419112066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28714681196428393,0.0,0.0,0.14164537872810135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645950757444101,0.0,0.12780532580532514,0.0,0.0,0.11608527743306775,0.138906695556029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071157690476996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229927849094228,0.15682534139305865,0.14910315229941154,0.1335519798975293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401915630965253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136432785228449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114108706601401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649329329546706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948740400978865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316425229053268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33639239263106074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34101118331782804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761387023025625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emkj,2019/08/24,"Newbie looking for answers! I’ve kind of suspected for years now that I could be borderline.  I even had a boyfriend when I was 18 that was studying psychology who just loved playing psychoanalyst and would tell me I had borderline.  I went to a psychiatrist in the beginning of this year now at 25. He tried to tell me I had bipolar II, which I know in my heart I am not. When he started asking me questions, I could tell by the second one where he was going - he geared every question in a way that was only relating to bipolar and didn’t go any further.  My wishy washy “well... kind of I guess? Sometimes? A bit?” Was enough for him to diagnose me and want to start me on lithium. I never took it. Things have been bad recently. Really bad. I felt myself changing again and becoming this poison that I always come back to.  I think it’s because I started a relationship in the beginning of this year and now 7 months in I am completely comfortable with him but then... that energy I put into it with love and excitement has turned back around into myself and morphed, again, into self loathing and crippling fear and doubt. Fast forward to this Wednesday, for the sake of my relationship and this wonderful, supportive man I’ve met I decided to go to therapy. I was describing everything I felt and the way I perceived things and she told me “this sounds a lot like borderline” she admitted she’s not qualified to give me a diagnosis but from her experiences over the years it appears to be so. I then came to this subreddit. Wow. That’s all I have to say. I used to have these thoughts and would wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Why am I like this? And then I see so many posts and so many of you describing how you’re feeling and what others with borderline feel and I just want to scream “THAT’S ME”. As I said I’ve had a hunch for years, hearing it from a professional who I trust gives me some relief .. and fear.  The real reason I’m posting, sorry for this long backstory, is now that I know, I want to know more. I see posts of people explaining what it is that’s happening to an OP and i want to know more. Can anyone recommend some great books? I want to know the science behind it more than anything, so non fiction.  But I do love me a good read every now and again if there’s a fiction I just must experience.",2.57453286147624,4.722751395652175,3.9733973710819015,85.62903437815976,77.43478260869566,7.670374115267947,25.480283114256824,8.569652575389874,1.84839029322548,1822,68,369,39,43,600,220,460,0.085,0.753,0.162,0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,0,25,26,2,3,21,0,31,8,1,3,3,82,83,35,0,11,9,0,4,2,0,3,4,5,0,2,35,30,0,0,22,3,0,10,4,9,1,2,21,12,59,17,54,55,9,60,1,0,3,3,35,15,1,11,34,264,94,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472030797650412,0.0,0.0,0.05289398020377537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438652325209874,0.0,0.06400741755976352,0.06924188551610527,0.07271505562139892,0.0,0.0,0.11961810260704606,0.12988834428401996,0.04741478450853756,0.0859033819317869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491708092790448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889611347481092,0.0,0.0,0.08228234703264724,0.06700173941900435,0.08155225786395459,0.0,0.0,0.12420414588103268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894642545443166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036891916910499,0.0,0.05137384321387685,0.0,0.1310682716443162,0.0,0.0699048553588069,0.15217015626422656,0.0,0.17505126985051078,0.07865716777265308,0.0,0.14936457327840605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492299026689866,0.13261478841368676,0.06523929986193591,0.0,0.08575420480857755,0.08568491801981921,0.0,0.06878178438420395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766522608580428,0.09217126548336577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199459800449398,0.2137329586751347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600007021381322,0.0,0.0,0.06883404056474238,0.06531673805214906,0.0,0.0,0.06612691599124508,0.2106020954481492,0.0,0.0,0.15771614626354286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208432558589316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599897664806625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270665074261551,0.05915621600870687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392378937434996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347907638500053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819173266381298,0.17426580961662902,0.0,0.07780239133578554,0.08853219638160685,0.04982871977455901,0.07997217465694541,0.07679969220624648,0.16701610619470594,0.0,0.0,0.07398786856067338,0.061854845549883165,0.0,0.0,0.12396331933538565,0.0,0.0811429038121251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692773669501561,0.08706984498820196,0.16516210389160607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826534583167925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039529653511163,0.0,0.08894974397413326,0.0,0.1033489356928832,0.04983914366501194,0.0,0.061749697763989066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743234061003496,0.08641793357516557,0.05280842592386547,0.0846037652738308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717810651881191,0.0,0.0,0.2293872555523949,0.12347841866451816,0.0,0.0,0.06993476816097134,0.07210408384797128,0.07018556358242584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870109623916724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050726825435954,0.08504168781319597,0.0,0.25044317236401703
bpd,IaKnowaNothing,2019/08/24,"How many of you are still in contact with your old school friends? This really probably isn't BPD related but I'm just wondering if I'm the only one who hasn't kept a single friend from school? In fact, I kinda cringe if I have to do that awkward, ""Hi, what have you been up to?"" thing in passing. I have other friends who I met in adulthood who still have a large circle of friends from their childhood. I know that when I was at school I felt really ""different"". I did anything to fit in and that left me open to being totally walked over by my friend group. I remember one of my friends saying to me one day, ""You know, whenever I'm having a shit day like today, I just remember, it could be worse, I could be YOU"" and she burst out laughing. I wanted to swing her about by her hair, but all I did was laugh with her, like it was funny. I should mention, before this, when I was younger, I was bullied by a girl for about a year until one day I snapped and attacked her. I think we were about 10 at the time but I got in so much trouble for that (rightly so).  I slowly began to learn (as I got older) that if someone is mean to me or hurts my feelings, it's best to speak up about it at the time, in a calm and firm way, rather than allowing yourself to be treated like crap for years and running the risk of exploding. Maybe I was so used to being treated like shit by my parents and grandparents, whom I had no choice but to just ""take it"" from. Maybe this is BPD related after all. All I know is, I really don't want anything to do with those ""friends"" who saw my weakness and laughed at it. So now, when I see a large group of friends together, I wonder... Which one is the scapegoat, which one is little me? Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe there are healthy friendship groups which are equal and without a hierarchy.",4.826184758637588,4.696205822102428,5.299486645430044,87.1038538348444,68.94609164420484,8.578338642489589,29.801641754471945,8.150884317080207,1.7769719676549864,1404,48,310,17,22,450,179,371,0.147,0.69,0.163,0.8204,3,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,1,5,1,1,21,29,4,2,13,0,37,5,4,3,5,54,61,27,0,9,13,1,3,4,8,1,1,2,0,1,26,14,0,1,12,0,0,3,5,10,0,6,18,7,48,19,55,35,8,44,0,1,2,0,36,20,3,7,24,227,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205426731639494,0.0,0.0,0.0912796768593185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827465977274517,0.0,0.08420240307844325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021080773152533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812333403909165,0.0,0.0,0.15523614063130642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382921534123282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040569574025159406,0.0,0.07703884190019633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959191402973516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834361670070227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589396212228538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322863052529369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717630840252996,0.0,0.0,0.15679641470785746,0.08041723677830999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134639285888759,0.3224301269328407,0.08740018475048776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589824617856507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419385613166121,0.0,0.32621866707957203,0.06102285531943465,0.0,0.0,0.0890922348643372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650764091167959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420310642120974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178278411367388,0.06852083807016805,0.0,0.06380663851523126,0.0,0.2436083956599002,0.06393745417731522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472155882852282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798343699475208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815264614026278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060327250969264085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330502503131816,0.05141178828387039,0.07883115483694987,0.0,0.09357214834534976,0.0,0.07605404931087227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692978718268197,0.0,0.0,0.09465017374090127,0.06368735346534364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734433879405238,0.1740243592747297,0.0,0.0,0.08176701950804738,0.0,0.08772512783409568,0.0,0.10333830325225847
bpd,bpdgeminiwitch,2019/08/24,"Hard times.. Im without power as 2 streets were cut off due to a storm, i have no food because of end of the month struggles mixed with a horrid start to the month where i wasted over $300. Out of gas so i cant even sit in my car while its hot inside the house. My emotions are all over the place and im about to have a panic attack. Im usually alseep my 11 but its almost 4 am. Not even trying to mention the amazon rain forest. Im having bad thoughts. How can i cope with all thats happening to me??",0.03680589680589818,1.7671442612612651,2.271580671580676,96.74948402948404,83.86486486486487,4.7570843570843575,18.1990171990172,5.565023196281405,-0.5272594594594593,387,9,93,2,11,131,80,111,0.185,0.7959999999999999,0.019,-0.9288,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,2,8,0,8,1,0,1,2,12,11,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,2,8,0,18,9,2,18,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,8,57,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756043975991593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790050959790927,0.0,0.0,0.13137829600709314,0.095917360847313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699436291287474,0.13936286983118898,0.0,0.0,0.2078526142735682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026479567562632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914156314079287,0.0,0.14095213828731448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155748271333344,0.0,0.0,0.6798476820627916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118598436788936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461297559072773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439427980377982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113711210647111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449340259509146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491605949563213,0.09175038722663537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682838480908732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329565344938885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167703552026113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SamFlynn08,2019/08/24,"End of a losing battle I feel like I'm at the end of it now. I've been battling this severely for 2+ years. These last few months have been the worst. Finally worked up the courage to get with a new psychiatrist. My appointment was supposed to be yesterday but she cancelled last minute. I just got cussed out by my ex for having these issues and it feels terrible. We had a good run, y'all. I hope y'all make it and handle BPD better than I did. 

Idk if this entire post is appropriate so if it gets removed please forgive me.",2.0249999999999986,3.999061870370373,3.4812592592592613,89.3396666666667,78.44444444444444,6.912592592592592,22.837037037037035,7.908726449838941,1.051408148148148,414,13,89,7,10,136,83,108,0.151,0.674,0.175,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,2,0,3,3,11,2,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,14,17,6,0,3,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,6,2,11,6,12,10,2,16,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,11,56,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833926944144988,0.0,0.0,0.26116212748967915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36731807418654494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969446455589089,0.1481377228012029,0.0,0.22715228027276124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667364041958784,0.0,0.0,0.17392337456251666,0.16584439589216582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059548472158662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642952403572951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380514613340553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130541488449354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319823254483467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841412740988526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551243554403333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026917101106956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276185459576256,0.0,0.0,0.19859315469484126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342572987572189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096024124825955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353276864059624
bpd,bekind_itsnothard,2019/08/24,"I think my gf has BPD As the title states: after quite a bit of research and reading an entire book (I rarely read so this was big for me) I would bet my last dollar my gf has BPD. Like almost every checkbox for symptoms.. irrational anger, abandonment issues, self harm, suicidal thoughts, depression, violent outbursts, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, trouble keeping a job, reckless behavior... I mean all of them. She also has all the life trauma to support it as well. Divorced parents in her early teens, physical abuse from parents and partners, emotional abuse, substance abuse. We have been together for 5 years and probably 4 have been pure chaos. It’s only been the last 6 months or so I learned of BPD and all the lightbulbs went off for me. So I started learning and one day finally had the courage to sit down and discuss it with her. I tried to be gentle and express it from a place of love but she took it as an insult. I know she knows something isn’t quite right in her mind but she refuses to really accept and address it. I’m honestly growing tired of all the chaos and I can’t be more invested in her health than she is. I don’t want to seem to be nagging about her mental health but something has to give. Any advice from folks who’ve been here? What’s the best way to implore a person with BPD to get help without triggering them?",4.946122202056866,6.398278800766286,5.410280298447268,80.74038112522688,69.42145593869732,8.406614236741277,31.7445049405122,8.841846274778883,2.672796168582375,1081,47,199,19,19,346,161,261,0.175,0.7090000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.943,3,0,2,0,4,0,32.0,1,0,2,3,7,17,4,0,13,0,20,6,0,1,5,41,36,20,1,2,5,2,0,1,3,1,5,0,1,3,8,13,0,3,9,3,3,3,4,9,1,1,9,0,28,8,36,23,7,23,0,2,0,1,29,8,0,4,10,131,36,7,0.0,0.3507241949550566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641938791160463,0.0,0.0,0.09880396311485973,0.0,0.0,0.07890653183322308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709912680894095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354829864172373,0.0,0.1077223147034012,0.0,0.4970867049542016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363412310653467,0.0,0.08498450787687674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110990706369117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313390811023681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080883928395039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515511126181862,0.09465345701246304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976363985418847,0.0,0.0,0.06613656234085957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298606462567833,0.09791495903785877,0.08770261687581453,0.0,0.0,0.10845313468294733,0.1608587820856022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969368782896193,0.04820528091399977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905371748204732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748078559532548,0.0,0.0,0.09943636488546267,0.0,0.09962878507280294,0.0,0.07875762079704644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668614883627323,0.07504314147306332,0.0,0.0,0.21912318425868707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615502207941453,0.10308936927807964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063831756389251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989582923160566,0.19739382448311596,0.0,0.06321066355754552,0.0,0.0,0.10593487997613607,0.0,0.08426382079690797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982565401025633,0.10293454891388312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192229754552153,0.0,0.0,0.06983928297296957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792919566204454,0.11196978578617434,0.0,0.10255612904671604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322388687605265,0.0,0.07833312571141968,0.0,0.11340689220372975,0.0,0.0,0.10962623461474337,0.06699059616982841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581982467168031,0.07831982051850421,0.0,0.0,0.08871636921836268,0.09146827383605004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511456204203694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009248668130741,0.0,0.0,0.06354038064878767
bpd,mikki50,2019/08/24,"Struggling with self hate I haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD but have been diagnosed with Anxiety and sporadic Depression and have always asked therapists what's wrong with me. I KNOW it's not just anxiety. I recently started researching BPD and the idea of a 'favourite person' resonates with me so intensely its wild. It just fits. Along with many other things. I have booked in with a therapist and hopefully can get this idea across to them to start DBT and other techniques with them. 

I have always struggled with self hate when I do things that I think makes people hate me, but I do it anyway. Oversharing, getting over excited about something I like a lot but can see others don't care as much as me, getting overly attached and hurt when my FP goes somewhere else with someone else. I always end up thinking why am I like this? Why do I suck so bad. I hate myself, everyone else hates me, why can't I just not do those things?

I recently (like a week ago) broke up with my long term boyfriend (also my FP) who is polyamorous. Yes I know, had I known what an FP was, that he was my FP and that this was about to go downhill real quick I never would have done it and would have broken it off (lets be honest, this is a dream, i would have stuck around and tried to be whatever I needed to be for him not to leave me). I saw a photo of his new partners (he has 2) on Facebook last night and haven't stopped being able to get the idea of punching them all in the face, especially the one hes been seeing for longer out of my head. She sent me this long message about how I make my mental illness everyone else's problem and don't take responsibility for it (which is a damn lie but I believed it because she said it). I hate her so much, I hate him for messing up our great relationship by seeing her, I hate him for not backing me up when she said all of that stuff, I hate him for staying with her.

But most of all I hate myself for feeling these things and I wish I could never see either of them again (he and I still live together while he finds a new place). I just want all of these vile feelings to go away.",4.840715645552095,5.233904077102807,5.2043717549325015,85.98368812737972,68.97663551401871,8.39681550709588,28.23502942194531,8.285830014693849,1.671527760470751,1667,53,354,22,27,530,204,428,0.223,0.6920000000000001,0.084,-0.9975,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,4,0,21,30,13,2,13,1,41,5,2,3,6,75,84,29,0,9,14,0,2,3,1,3,3,2,0,4,33,28,0,1,11,2,0,3,11,22,0,1,13,9,65,8,56,62,10,45,0,3,5,0,32,16,2,3,28,259,98,2,0.061852891008496134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054828855889142665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946373459266035,0.15439968075257635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946345846453839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506218657197108,0.05782410356640923,0.0,0.058112827175146785,0.047561055234424415,0.05164458039511086,0.03770494826100094,0.0,0.0,0.06968702719917427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580310192420704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306314466225435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938450045473584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327380439168869,0.12555876476099265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329698236676504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668061459190787,0.0,0.054783302522827836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820617601205995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254936033065248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056532421822164676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926233067203102,0.0,0.07030484672112201,0.0,0.0,0.06819303069675435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6106692442731211,0.06347891073420503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061433877034537086,0.0,0.0,0.06621479909651495,0.20947315556646812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798546261084898,0.05041836156731645,0.0,0.06549328072557095,0.0,0.06324877171776601,0.0,0.09065459470964017,0.0,0.054617235957996835,0.1094757242910984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052585116055109404,0.0,0.0,0.08257457008748242,0.06270912328749036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062333166181339585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093798355219752,0.04586313494766371,0.09540952531106096,0.11947581513153055,0.0,0.058044748181726336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191311971275813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288100662001065,0.054007558651394866,0.06462310638710274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918486327973714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704021312888219,0.0,0.0,0.12214453576503807,0.06640685714485657,0.0,0.0,0.1176725270371991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971549840519065,0.0,0.12905210987229765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052407753831280816,0.04761737735718642,0.0,0.0,0.08755958922179291,0.06592695202603804,0.04939579865802153,0.051711786472224616,0.0,0.12932414276904428,0.07080676203020697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650567635112576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363194754404404,0.16436924952924833,0.07926567009593813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04199405286437022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03648243766995797,0.0,0.04961465825814411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743784060020694,0.0,0.07112777212651833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318155573788885,0.06762642648829045,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilmisstiny5,2019/08/24,"""I'm never doing this bad coping mechanism again"" *does the bad thing again the same week* Last week I was at a club with friends and I ditched all of them without saying anything to go home with a stranger. We drank and did lines at his house, and had unprotected sex. I was not full out drunk when all of this happened, I consciously allowed all of this. I woke up terrified and so disappointed in myself. Promised myself I would stop drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around by the end of this year. The same week I met up with my coworker to drink in my car and hook up. This void will never be filled.",4.021111111111111,5.480906554621849,4.143137254901962,88.90856209150326,71.68907563025209,7.305695611577962,26.66760037348273,7.793537801064563,1.3348311858076565,476,16,99,6,9,147,77,119,0.159,0.7809999999999999,0.06,-0.9288,1,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,6,0,9,7,1,1,5,25,15,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,6,12,4,1,1,4,0,3,4,3,0,0,7,1,14,2,20,5,6,25,0,1,0,1,6,10,0,0,12,74,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417604073840938,0.16678441607439792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128648432203924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395438887421265,0.0,0.0,0.3670703832411255,0.21727068318973405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593967095647524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474891862875225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647736257491157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567616060088855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793092631748295,0.0,0.0,0.21618088790529505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527181813319645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889972766726462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489910943284436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748889419231626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663599010294788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446940000961412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508512459180649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806021747139204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309061466482802,0.0,0.0,0.12064956911907575
bpd,goddessue,2019/08/24,"Finally going to therapy! Any advice for my first time? After a long and painful time, I was able to get healthcare insurance! I’ve realized that the Internet can only help me with this to an extent. This Friday I’ll be going to a therapist that specializes in DBT/CBT. I’m excited and nervous. This is a major step for me. Any tips or advice?",1.521470588235296,4.064806735294121,4.2102941176470585,80.01632352941179,84.58823529411767,8.105882352941178,24.676470588235286,8.841846274778883,2.564435294117647,270,11,49,8,8,95,50,68,0.075,0.835,0.09,0.2603,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,2,9,6,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,31,9,0,0.24170597137410255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723845556539703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287366979706381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647770771457861,0.0,0.20559497577525893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628139399689536,0.0,0.2747341472963973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201041766885094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139021786227316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382828291821446,0.2571921950801236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764118431505663,0.2806392622514492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28188139131234363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IActNormalTilIDont,2019/08/24,"Hope everyones Friday night is going better than mine. My FP is shitting on me for past transgressions This is gonna be a while. I just needed to write this so I can get it off my chest. I feel like shit right now, but I'm trying my best to keep it to myself and not lash out at her. 

The hard part is that I have to accept that I deserve it. But I feel like I'm not as bad as I was back then. But, that's just my opinion. And what I did still has an effect on my relationships and how I'm perceived.

Times like these I just wanna pack up and move. Meet a whole group of new people and hope I don't end up being the same asshole I always am, and that maybe I get treated like a normal person and given a shot.

But I need to stop saying that because it won't happen and I have to work with what I have rather than dream of what I don't.

And honestly, as shitty as I feel now, I know I'm better than I was. And i'll try to be a little better tomorrow. And so on. 

I hope you all are having a better Friday night.",1.453994222689076,2.296967272321432,3.5613235294117658,92.9983823529412,77.16964285714286,6.163445378151263,18.533613445378148,6.2272716619740125,-0.2896173319327735,775,12,188,5,17,266,121,224,0.07200000000000001,0.7140000000000001,0.214,0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,7,11,18,2,0,9,0,21,3,3,2,1,44,41,24,0,8,10,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,0,1,15,13,0,2,7,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,5,30,15,27,32,5,26,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,4,18,137,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327937970782053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544209402995374,0.10363661768883643,0.07566356969128638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025829615077514,0.4391030023546656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993517879037054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860381261787645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882793148964025,0.17734544729729654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969715934310747,0.0,0.07054134689028223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976060294670664,0.0,0.11118885928706013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36984321560916666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103252645582787,0.0,0.0,0.06821416054787288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24255879969801755,0.12440277071590886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469715063483222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192195655808153,0.0,0.18406966021288493,0.0,0.11987772270699605,0.0,0.2329600252391185,0.12161312692376038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441194255441133,0.11848841625888808,0.08605051014435622,0.10837847196047504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326048954577638,0.0,0.10599944053293013,0.0,0.09870673178245963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548187321009622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912392475243632,0.10377148199535066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237648906099475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854127068564714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385776897803219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036223522960417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sir92,2019/08/24,"feeling like i want out but cant do it im not really sure what to say... ive never felt this close before. a few days ago i almost did it. and ever since then ive been imaging the moment and wondering why i didnt. i keep having the feeling of actually taking the leap and every time i see myself hitting the ground i get an instant feeling of relief ""its finally over"". and i just dont know what else to do anymore. 

​

im recently diagnosed with bpd. (a few months ago) but have been seeing a countless number of therapists, psycatrist and everything in between for about 17 years now (im 27) and im just feeling completely hopeless. im tired and im just exhausted. 

the same way someone with a terminal illness doesn't want to live out the rest of their time i understand that no matter how well i manage myself the feelings will still be there (when it comes to bpd) and im just tired of this life and i dont see it ever working out for me.",1.6787620837808817,3.740473433673472,3.785198711063373,86.2981471535983,79.96938775510203,6.77937701396348,24.60150375939849,7.85451343220497,1.4668408163265307,747,28,151,13,19,255,114,196,0.129,0.768,0.10300000000000001,-0.9193,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,1,13,6,0,0,12,0,16,6,0,1,4,43,35,14,0,2,7,0,6,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,10,16,0,1,9,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,5,10,16,4,20,27,4,26,0,1,3,0,2,7,0,2,18,103,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.08627959442353396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674786930249335,0.0,0.08853414134938913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579684771729642,0.10743304139276937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768321937088543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523404990184067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270940968307454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616108324469119,0.09270070230755012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057019903576226785,0.0,0.0,0.08973864459405889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072417819276958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385879533241058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995157664395318,0.07449285372290787,0.0,0.07946106406127247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352461124410364,0.06316318739238833,0.08489158488949497,0.0968535344959429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046192818054788747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6685182462371497,0.0,0.0,0.07858668452568282,0.0,0.0,0.0485901822816676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624496286878348,0.043194756765634265,0.0,0.07807143906957599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057144381831609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819055204210721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664045900351899,0.0,0.08729844630910505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070310593155675,0.0,0.0,0.2113642294601232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313721543651397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491314212895665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060776726578623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332942323866423,0.0,0.0664765437860781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265580676540556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031101685672073,0.20323844323305104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204239537231293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042980795238394,0.07017914911149141,0.0,0.0,0.07949506603548212,0.0,0.07978014596230812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588152744656614,0.06436665709759744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743304139276937,0.056935904840316125
bpd,fluffedpillows,2019/08/24,"Treatment idea.. It sounds weird but let me know what you think.. Okay so basically youd be adopted by healthy loving parents and basically just live with them for say four years and they would treat you like their own kid and help support you and encourage you and keep you moving etc and show you unconditional love I every way. 


I think if the BPD is caught early enough this might actual do some serious healing.  In the BPD person in my life's case- I think this honestly would change their life.",4.3390789473684235,6.464902947368419,4.319144736842105,85.24713815789475,72.15789473684211,7.697368421052633,24.50657894736842,8.472884824447931,1.4897631578947363,400,12,78,7,8,123,72,95,0.023,0.645,0.332,0.9914,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,7,4,0,2,10,0,0,2,1,8,5,0,0,0,20,17,9,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,2,4,7,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,2,16,8,5,10,4,7,0,0,0,2,19,2,0,3,3,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.16613991982349366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288490658295339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010244456558233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591426753670972,0.1898743006196396,0.0,0.0,0.14344338111041655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411531507231727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921920808413364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513264585157788,0.0,0.0,0.09356521715734024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740926613850371,0.24050591272538,0.08317578998586865,0.0,0.15033430226679606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073154294427719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060886598467032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094932802868025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904302194038491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865616145852825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539002341948728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193198239087718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32726891974395544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513691487038193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418821274869316,0.0,0.0,0.10963573401624638
bpd,RedNado,2019/08/24,"Self harm free for 5 years, but scratch/rub at skin, involuntary (mostly.) Hey, Loves. 
I'm trying to relax and reflect a little bit tonight, trying to keep myself balanced. 

I'm feeling guilty about a habit of mine, though I've mostly broken it as well. 

Backstory is that I self harmed for years. From digging my nails into my skin when I was young, to full out doing harm (on and off, and in long periods) from the age of 12/13 until I was about 24. I did it often when I was younger, and slowly eased myself away from it. 
I've done a lot lf research in my years, though haven't opened up about it a lot, or have ever seen a counselor/therapist for anything (I want to, but feel scared/embarrassed/""Its fine, I did it on my own, but know I have underlying issues I don't know how to balance"" as lame as that sounds.) 
But I feel so proud of where I've come from, and what I've overcome/worked through on my own, with the help of a very select few friends. 

Anyway, my issue now is that I still scratch at myself with things to feel pain. 
It stems from anxiety as well as liking/missing the pain and the act of self harming. 

I tore my side up pretty good last night by scratching/rubbing the tag of my shirt against my side. I've done this for years, it's really my only physical harm issue left from my past. 
It's more of a bad/tender brush burn, a good sized one, but I feel guilty. 
I haven't done it this badly in a long time, which is maybe why I'm focusing on it so much. 

My fiancee knows of my past and that I do this still, I asked him years ago to pause me if he see's me doing it because I never used to realize I was doing it. 
I catch and stop myself often now, almost everyday. 

What have you guys done to stop habits like that? 
I'm not sure what my question is, but just looking to see how others relate. 
I've been feeling pretty detached from everything lately.",4.3542619047619056,4.530232187012988,5.010146103896107,87.71426677489178,69.987012987013,7.767316017316017,25.911796536796537,7.333567415737692,1.0482575757575765,1452,38,317,13,24,468,192,385,0.147,0.7120000000000001,0.141,-0.6483,0,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,0,1,23,21,0,0,14,0,25,6,3,3,3,53,48,30,0,2,10,0,9,1,2,0,2,1,0,4,26,14,0,3,12,1,1,3,5,9,2,1,12,15,42,13,59,36,11,56,0,1,4,1,14,23,0,10,31,215,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813403810945088,0.0,0.08826314520207193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742966019667296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725347235277573,0.0,0.08240242548262483,0.0,0.08281387199345136,0.0,0.14719255207137202,0.05373155825641262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623004993348933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592796006960592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360806276348904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797309886302014,0.0,0.0,0.07921783990058003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674085036725027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809957463814105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786144353384092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727608334107924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908083867315282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759972481654167,0.0,0.07834613677300459,0.0,0.0,0.14532435449496434,0.07184884893607392,0.09942989004273232,0.0,0.09576834670549048,0.0,0.0,0.0430625409617717,0.08834310552956617,0.0,0.15600873436270735,0.07401847656053256,0.0,0.0,0.1498731788293043,0.07955309634457462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855215582718877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479573353518613,0.0,0.06798182604550079,0.0,0.0,0.08271685580407251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059728426570562675,0.0670372268828603,0.18758214199017315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682861981505931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934758501543194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874107410348766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646708694683796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047817328639792,0.0,0.27585918876151155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078328472131707,0.14738409654572726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307435833023838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023415852943532,0.05855873243418936,0.0,0.17320140083839847,0.0,0.051397278164941065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968752123914884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761278234496898,0.0,0.07272775232962182,0.051989415591555836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850347559476202,0.0,0.0795359451166381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416963574715252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838081422340945
bpd,hyliaidea,2019/08/24,"Never be a prisoner of your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence. Reflect as needed.",-0.375,1.8074115000000008,3.1388888888888893,83.245,100.66666666666666,4.622222222222223,22.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.1848666666666667,69,3,12,1,3,25,16,18,0.07200000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.3875,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419019316404968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638977260466501,0.4825254737328649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5972359247232362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throw-away-3005,2019/08/24,"Getting better Is it possible to get better by yourself? I feel as though I’ve gotten further along the path of “recovery” by slowly learning from myself and reading a CBT book. I feel as though therapists waste my time and I can’t really open up to them, and psychiatrist just want to drug me up. I know I’m bound to make mistakes and act up but has anyone else gotten better without external help? Lately, i’ve been proud of my ability to not blow up in situations I usually have, at least to the extent that I used to. And I’ve been a lot better in not self harming when I’m frustrated/stressed. I tend to just cry and try and sort it out in my head. I’m so scared though, I don’t want to lose this progress I feel that I have made. 


One thing I really want to work on is not driving while I’m having a breakdown. It’s not safe to be screaming and crying while driving. I can tell I drive like an idiot when I have a break down but I feel safest in my car to cry and such. 

Another thing I want to work on is jealousy.",2.748610465116279,3.793822823255817,4.359462209302325,87.7410537790698,74.25581395348838,7.607558139534882,25.065406976744185,8.07648339933343,1.2830523255813953,797,25,176,12,16,268,118,215,0.175,0.6609999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.7688,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,9,9,13,1,1,7,0,14,2,1,3,0,39,35,21,0,5,9,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,12,0,2,6,2,0,5,7,6,0,1,5,5,23,7,35,29,3,28,0,1,0,0,4,15,0,2,8,116,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285569061301092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192314010828113,0.12004740707735582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41448484381721423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38609438020945797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587196005372715,0.0,0.0978747078266958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369646666359012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242573279069507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024310753158512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853193362485088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438975713942086,0.0,0.13216504200896415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057239956041179374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107550199694654,0.0,0.0996078491461624,0.0,0.11086252618276587,0.07820725651687499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939272590400241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320837531376835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719477225297566,0.0,0.15011532076009101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730066859173315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222663042791546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316961954199966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342098965519347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240568408531328,0.0,0.0,0.13603535027423916,0.1556758702806597,0.0,0.3453363532029507,0.0,0.06831872613855285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954603120712757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119127135668278,0.12903856481570652,0.0,0.2764232482898823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294101490405535,0.0,0.1705922152901394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,friedlichkeit,2019/08/24,"Medication combinations? Has anyone here had Lexapro and Abilify, or Lexapro and Zyprexa? I was taking Seroquel, but it was making me gain weight and super drowsy.",6.096666666666668,9.65765866666667,5.401481481481483,72.36666666666669,73.44444444444446,8.044444444444443,34.925925925925924,8.841846274778883,3.8412814814814817,132,7,19,3,3,40,23,27,0.0,0.7,0.3,0.9064,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,6,6,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497205501324813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338578664988072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038543286526164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760549009270477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090549965140004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_40320,2019/08/24,"LET ME TELL YOU A LIL BIT ABOUT MY BFF ABBY Buckle up y'all because this post is about to get SUPER sappy. This is an appreciation post for my best friend Abby. He’s got the best taste in music, and he’ll scare you with his whip-like wits when it comes to numbers.  He swaggers around campus with these doe eyes and ripped jeans, making every girl and guy who sees him swoon. I wish I could say that after nearly five months I’d built up and immunity to those dark eyelashes but my knees still buckle a little when he looks at me. When I first met him he smelled like chalk and mint gum, nowadays he smells like laundry detergent and…. Abby? It’s the best smell in the world. 

When I feel insecure about my ability get through coursework he’ll sit there patiently and help me with my homework. He’ll do that for anyone who asks, it seems like. In spite of (because of?) his BPD he’s the most emotionally intelligent person I ever have or ever will meet. Sometimes I’ll get all tangled and he’ll be the one to pierce through the fog with his intelligence and clarity. He makes me feel so heard. I’m so impressed with his ability to open up and articulate his feelings and I hope to someday be as good as him at it.

Honey, I know you lurk here when you’re stuck and frozen, but for all those awful moments I’m so proud of you for the way you deal with it. All those DBT books, all those sleep-tracking apps, all your recovery plans scrawled on legal pads. I’ve never met someone with such a drive to better themselves. Whenever it gets too hard for even the ’toolbox of strategies' to quiet the hurt I’ll be here to hold you and tell you twelve times in a row that 'I love you, I love you, I love you’. We’ll get through it as a team. I’m so excited for this semester with you - to learn with you, to laugh with you, to grow closer and to share music videos in the dark.

If anyone on here with BPD is under the impression that relationships are out of question then, bro, you gotta meet this man. He’s the best boyfriend in the world. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading my ramblings… For anyone who is on here and struggling, you deserve love and affection and a mental illness is not incompatible with a satisfying relationship.

Since this is a BPD subreddit, if you have any questions for Abby and how he manages his symptoms you can ask me and I’ll nag him for an answer. I’m also suspicious that his strong self-awareness stems from his practice managing intense emotions. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Finally, we’ve been dating for only four months, does anyone have any tips for making the rough times easier? Is there anything you wish your SO knew about your outlook on relationships?

Thanks y’all and I love you Abby

\-K",4.559236648606814,5.641032920955888,5.046834365325079,84.3772678018576,69.97426470588235,8.005727554179566,27.18343653250773,8.288913261614885,1.6513573529411754,2175,70,439,31,38,694,265,544,0.068,0.693,0.239,0.9989,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,1,25,0,11,29,32,2,3,25,1,23,11,2,5,8,71,67,41,0,7,7,1,5,3,2,7,3,3,1,4,26,35,1,1,10,4,0,3,2,6,0,4,9,17,60,26,73,46,11,51,0,1,3,5,85,25,0,9,22,272,86,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061372616328349235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437789800003623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268307988674436,0.07863389585881049,0.06315425380695651,0.06831895081337029,0.14349165310451725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356557252941587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32215482578419913,0.06787434822056641,0.08378520936982728,0.0,0.2899713520189772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610866393452723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061274305790598824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912029655791446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343194057667471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411025252296038,0.17265465557152332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068907412705115,0.1388397403983871,0.06466062222972496,0.0,0.0,0.07507092956517257,0.0,0.0,0.116413103198836,0.0,0.0,0.08406994084225737,0.0,0.06527890419069247,0.0,0.0,0.05929267544801675,0.0,0.20047938887382172,0.0,0.0,0.06436971617893944,0.061379654806600674,0.0,0.0,0.07598920421183313,0.0,0.0,0.06874807334978625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144027714208218,0.0,0.0,0.07622468856937245,0.0,0.0,0.08215666474993863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042176816480615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847653703951804,0.0,0.1124805820938218,0.07691823498264141,0.0,0.0,0.06444612218476692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34632491814433675,0.0,0.15368281783183718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773404904438057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251358998585744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919015455673397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052004116479247166,0.05836771459471486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067010410823988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700019517149107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194299645236322,0.0,0.07676535246279206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471848880004017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103037372817025,0.07683471707362723,0.0,0.061155497523001985,0.0698653872111176,0.08006133878467538,0.0,0.0,0.06348391317998542,0.0,0.07680000830931517,0.0,0.06502543722194072,0.0,0.07590235621512999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128832414770756,0.0,0.0,0.08023010253389701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976700805210996,0.0,0.0,0.13415629864501588,0.14131220450529305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950076852428568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060916278841741035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650496894178325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pink_noise_,2019/08/24,"I am terrified that a new partner will find out about my BPD Helllooooooo fellow borderlinerz!

I started dating a guy a few weeks ago. I have been diagnosed with BPD for 5 years and have done extensive DBT and have a regular therapist, group therapy, and psychiatrist. I feel confident that I can have a healthy relationship because of where I'm at. I just met someone I really like. 

Date 1: We got drinks, saw a movie, and...had sex at my apartment all night (not great for my attachment/abandonment issues)

Date 2: My therapist told me I should try to keep this one short and not sleep with him. We got wine and cheese and went for a romantic walk where we made out a lot. He asked if I wanted to come over and I literally said ""No I'm sorry I want to but my therapist told me not to."" FACEPALM. WHY. He was actually kind about that response and understanding, but when he pried a little further, I told him it was because I used to go to SLAA meetings, and explained what sex and love addicts anonymous was. This is not technically a lie, I did go to those meetings before I was diagnosed and realized what I was actually dealing with. It just seemed less scary than telling him I have a personality disorder. 

Date 3 is tomorrow. I plan on having sex if he wants to, I'm going to his place to hang out with a puppy he's dogsitting. I'm just terrified he's going to ask more because obviously sex is a delicate issue if he thinks I'm a sex addict. It feels like a lie. I'm a bad liar. What if I tell him I have BPD? 

TLDR: I told a guy I recently met that I was a sex addict because I couldn't tell him about my BPD.",2.8029867482161066,4.4484785749235485,4.722324159021408,82.77708460754333,75.17737003058105,8.636493374108055,27.401630988786952,9.250403328903447,2.327561875637104,1262,50,264,31,27,432,165,327,0.09,0.8240000000000001,0.087,-0.5949,0,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,18,0,24,15,1,2,2,54,62,18,0,9,13,0,2,2,2,2,5,1,0,4,13,22,2,1,8,2,0,8,6,2,0,1,21,4,41,5,30,38,5,35,0,0,1,7,40,14,0,6,15,160,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.16378603787304835,0.2744528953066935,0.0,0.0,0.07438929398552872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569062191758434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700690140523603,0.20462542472655684,0.0,0.07140904537680934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227731024090995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228894704542613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651699471279585,0.0,0.17035241229819095,0.0,0.0,0.09617865626808424,0.0,0.0,0.08587846223160972,0.0,0.08220885279657164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486412271033862,0.05995188243264595,0.0,0.0,0.07670061463886375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907728266998445,0.0,0.13423567659377544,0.09252119757015716,0.0,0.1661863735359595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517965221263967,0.0,0.07459122735821493,0.0,0.08738891720078552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199734960278814,0.08410906959176581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134508999049344,0.0757403407609089,0.07940636179661548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810496716724311,0.0,0.07875247015069425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568658115074846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327499530689405,0.08767768689188042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376077869558688,0.0,0.08286007096448117,0.0900977986626558,0.0,0.0,0.07982636210291308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639687411342312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397979029282397,0.0,0.07110445300479767,0.0,0.0,0.09394065688718987,0.05939843097439046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004719936931397,0.0,0.09596890151819706,0.29230992508318243,0.0,0.0537720251508505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207535096499268,0.0,0.056975617920746624,0.0,0.0,0.0873628310094591,0.0,0.0724792315372781,0.0,0.0,0.14849312850662513,0.0,0.06731490816840997,0.0,0.0,0.07779392511661479,0.07572401154296426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054041203652022994
bpd,_Ross__,2019/08/24,"DAE disassociate all the time to avoid anyone else while wanting someone to be there i constantly push people away out of fear that they'll screw me over and make me even more hurt, but i'm also so desperate for love and attention. it's gotten to the point where nobody even wants to be around me, and as soon as i open up to someone they just get overwhelmed and leave.
i miss having friends lol",7.344620253164557,6.2949383670886085,6.8998417721518965,80.77102848101269,64.0632911392405,9.925316455696203,31.14240506329114,8.841846274778883,2.1940354430379743,317,9,65,4,4,99,61,79,0.157,0.6759999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.7107,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,10,8,1,3,2,1,4,2,0,1,1,15,12,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,2,14,8,2,13,0,3,0,2,4,8,1,0,4,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295852567319507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997113035423854,0.2344163002159972,0.0,0.20366631348222275,0.0,0.0,0.21495015025096187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472342858184217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111972055066134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30221942047925143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574456669911367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675799293206018,0.0,0.11953022572796725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24491806209559436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422492798355984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648654145223114,0.0,0.1527151328717651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861005674536768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627488098137254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876959737786421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340582197289594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698855257908559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,geisterbilder,2019/03/24,"Deep breaths, say hi. Hello there! I'm Martin, sixteen-year-old guy. It's a pleasure to meet everybody, to be in a community dedicated to helping.

​

I've never been on Reddit before, so this is all rather new to me, but I digress.

​

I've known my best friend for a year now (we had our Friendiversary on March 17th) and known they have BPD for a few months less than that. Shear two or three months off of *that* and you get the time I've known I'm their favorite person. 

​

In that time, much has happened. There have been two major *incidents* between us, as we call them.

​

The first was their first suicide attempt since my meeting them, which I went to their house to stop. 

The second is one I am not comfortable disclosing publicly. 

​

In those and everything that's bogged us down (I'm depressed, anxious, and perhaps other things, myself), we've grown and become bigger and better people. 

​

That said, things are still (and will continue to be) tough as hell. Really, the purpose of this post is to open myself up to a group of people who I hope can help me out to be the best friend, and best favorite person, I can be for the best friend I've ever had the pleasure of having. 

​

Thank you for giving this a read; I hope to meet some good people here. ",3.430284679089027,5.694823170634923,3.667170462387855,88.28555900621119,75.23015873015873,5.969910282953763,24.448585231193928,6.895973343053719,0.9183986887508628,1037,34,197,10,23,320,143,252,0.09,0.65,0.261,0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,1,72.0,5,2,6,8,8,18,1,0,13,0,21,1,1,0,3,26,32,13,1,3,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,15,12,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,3,0,7,7,2,25,15,32,20,10,30,1,1,0,0,33,12,1,4,15,142,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496049420207797,0.5042172837362678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696892417166317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546951364833062,0.05044246004528154,0.0,0.24884057230829826,0.05242787102488557,0.0,0.0,0.07466041316600636,0.0,0.060530963369540565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051057317828542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053621671467702005,0.0,0.0,0.05327656233176183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084616822938317,0.0,0.0,0.13739750683162053,0.0,0.030971074694872088,0.05686626608766299,0.0,0.04972080419499849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058695991963787476,0.052420636652861334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946755397858164,0.0,0.0,0.1177557721288356,0.0,0.06840054558890858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463260956409436,0.0,0.04357722882689077,0.0,0.04571997920273503,0.05725247835826015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220382844990548,0.0,0.04016930081858168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329075474177698,0.10352108766003912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056773342765954485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929550859214953,0.0,0.037975944322538896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056388347718257736,0.04714141124454356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903658745332602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734065870224835,0.049560288542223614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484211515208722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457656851429528,0.0,0.0,0.07876528727656483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913266752221388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581485069690822,0.0,0.1426117991676779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495265955109455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042172837362678,0.07634806603650171
bpd,Argh_ImaPirate,2019/03/24,I finally killed my relationship So last Sunday i posted about my gf breaking it off. Well this past week we didn't treat it the same. Today it was done done. She dropped my things off in grocery bags and it's done. Idk what to do now. I'm already drunk and there's only so much you can drink. I,-0.2225000000000001,2.0015347460317514,1.5288690476190467,98.12758928571432,90.42857142857143,4.419841269841268,17.398809523809526,5.985473137389443,-0.5116333333333332,231,6,54,2,8,75,49,63,0.166,0.8009999999999999,0.033,-0.8155,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,4,8,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,0,9,2,5,3,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753556986506624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6608315750456402,0.0,0.21086468894353924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579768251874436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814408011364266,0.0,0.0,0.1754588399001067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823474425700995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370859426644627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548207477181624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615159832382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310997373544524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300364461044154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403341396888988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726619054923319,0.0,0.19353710156676246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OddinaryGirl,2019/03/24,"Scared to live !!! I hate when I feel like this, it's debilitating .  I haven't left the house in 3 weeks :/",-1.0642424242424229,1.0113113636363664,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,94.45454545454544,4.751515151515153,11.87878787878788,6.42735559955562,-1.3011393939393932,78,1,21,1,3,26,20,22,0.374,0.531,0.095,-0.8114,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922554397215412,0.2716360023790905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753978728527964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387337465488856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131204211026524,0.0,0.0,0.1857609081483436,0.0,0.33574957953116186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806760212801743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049971379284923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkietim,2019/03/24,Depression DAE get scared by how sad they are?! Any tips?,0.16000000000000014,2.3390945454545498,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,103.54545454545456,5.836363636363638,14.590909090909092,7.1686216300943375,0.01005454545454576,44,1,10,1,2,13,11,11,0.564,0.436,0.0,-0.8847,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318574529139239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469697573465422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317887020133656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6357983030232534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bonewolf01,2019/03/24,"How many people in their DBT have wanted to or have relationships with others in the group? I (33m) am recently diagnosed, and start group therapy soonish (have been doing one on one for a couple months now). I am in a relationship, but I am concerned I'll become extremely attached/ attracted to others in group and was wondering if this is a common thing and what others have experienced? ",10.979999999999995,8.445747000000004,10.978333333333335,59.100000000000016,58.16666666666666,14.6,40.66666666666667,13.023866798666859,5.4019666666666675,312,12,51,9,3,105,51,72,0.0,0.934,0.066,0.6681,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,0,10,14,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,4,1,9,12,0,10,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,5,44,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26932103026321785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698232651477535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750984374362905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472328448871242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946444267266113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304877912954953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905982259847213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077948695091694,0.5236225720033598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726033247284311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788718691865442,0.0,0.16200783491572232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383324755171945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264452644493933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jorjors,2019/03/24,"Getting angry when complimented This sub has been kind of eye opening for me in regards to my former BD (baby passed at birth) with a lot of BPD traits. 

At one point told him that I’d never been more attracted to anyone in my life as I am to him (like in terms of looks/physicality). 

He basically criticized me saying my standards are skewed since he’s an asshole and treated me like shit (no rebuttal there… lol). I think he was perplexed as to why I was still around… 

I said “well I mostly meant physically” and he said “I’m the most unattractive and out of shape I’ve ever been in the time I’ve known you, so your standards are fucked across the board”. I asked “can’t you just take a compliment??” to which he said “no, fuck off”. 

So I’m just like… alrighty then, and kind of just threw my hands up. After stumbling upon this sub a lot of it makes sense now. (no I’m not with him anymore, don’t worry folks… lol).
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bpd,sexysexysemicolons,2019/03/24,"getting upset easy over internet comments Hey y’all. I’m currently in DBT and it’s changed my life. I’m working on coping methods for this particular phenomenon, so when I say “seeking support” I mean “seeking reassurance” because I feel super sensitive right now, rather than “seeking advice,” per se. Although I’m not opposed to advice, what I need right now is some internet hugs lol. 

I’ve been trying to get more comfortable voicing my opinions and getting into discussions with people on the internet—not getting into arguments to intentionally trigger myself, but just getting involved in discussions in general on social media. The thing is, sometimes I get triggered anyway, because, well....I’m super sensitive lol. Sometimes I’ll go off on someone (nothing horrible; I’m deathly terrified of people being angry at me and always have been, so I tend to not be incredibly inflammatory, because I know the visceral horror that I feel when anyone, even a stranger, is angry at me...I wasn’t even able to feel true anger until something that happened in 2017. I’m a “quiet borderline,” i.e. it took me forever to get diagnosed with borderline traits even though I knew I had them, because I’m “too nice to have BPD.”), and then when they turn around and say something kind/neutral, I feel incredibly bad for being hurtful, even if their initial tone was similar. Anyway, I’m working on managing my sensitivity, because it’s a gift as well as a curse due to my empathy, but uh......yeah I need internet hugs. 

Me: sad because I upset someone on the internet even though I know rationally they’re not upset (clenches fists while channeling Wise Mind) ",6.89449324324324,8.321690814189191,7.682675675675679,66.3420540540541,64.8445945945946,10.379459459459461,39.46216216216216,10.467255456243755,4.768141081081081,1315,73,198,33,20,439,166,296,0.175,0.688,0.13699999999999998,-0.9623,1,0,3,0,0,0,52.0,0,1,3,4,21,18,1,3,8,2,13,4,0,3,1,37,43,21,1,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,8,10,0,1,8,1,0,2,4,7,1,0,7,8,26,11,34,33,2,31,0,2,0,2,13,19,0,3,10,125,34,3,0.10274396470584214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008004263931754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549120928266696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184096903849366,0.0,0.0,0.09146391157367248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578691891110538,0.3757906034980731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940242682401548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868949129523348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428296143296324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33930709843399764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078017426639865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37575636670630497,0.0,0.058391762877925885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090856148672222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998953921882608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699202857387084,0.11293079203104575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257110077175719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191829799003154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374211534091828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523666959306646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858560515530723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245945691082346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548556895060724,0.0,0.163412249149737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473453316503256,0.1741092557569848,0.15819464729302646,0.20323281650090555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659263357712255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825852477145779,0.0,0.20189084732777607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415232522892507,0.06975640774429544,0.11175592992778254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847583266493393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959765996113364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jarudethedude,2019/03/24,"Could this be BPD? Hi guys so I’ve been stalking around on this subreddit for a while but I’ve been a bit shy to ask. So basically I’ve had a past history of what’s been diagnosed as depression and have been on citalopram for each of these 2 previous episodes which normally last 3-4 months of the year. Each time these episodes have came on are when I’ve experienced rejection (breaking up with my ex and losing a close friend through my own behaviour) but this episode has been different but the same. It started about 2 weeks ago after I’ve just recently moved out with a mate and it’s been horrendous. I’ve had good days and bad ones but basically my mood has been shifting every 6 hours or so and I’ve been experiencing hallucinations, ecstasy feelings, depression, anxiety, mania and these weird full body highs. I’ve not been taking any drugs at all (with the exception of weekend binge drinking) and I’ve been trying to look after myself the best I can. I’ve been referred to the NHS mental health services but so far they’ve been absolute shambles and I’m going to go private for a diagnosis tomorrow. I phoned 111 tonight and went to a health centre for the GP to tell me they couldn’t do anything about it. I feel like I’m on drugs when I’m sober this is a absolute joke.",5.1031079203334855,6.016137212598423,5.75359425660028,80.4240365910144,68.60629921259843,9.755998147290413,31.476609541454376,9.916854025145753,2.9441095877721164,1028,42,206,24,17,334,147,254,0.13,0.775,0.095,-0.8573,1,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,10,12,0,0,14,0,25,7,1,0,1,35,38,23,0,3,9,1,2,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,12,18,1,0,3,3,0,5,2,6,0,1,16,5,9,5,32,19,8,37,0,4,1,0,9,12,0,1,20,124,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574582295724593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964662064938186,0.0,0.10851862156772996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673450807953195,0.12628094918334773,0.13261519635617633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844292859575865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886798135687654,0.0,0.1548688268889028,0.15756883147001582,0.17866129935633634,0.0,0.0,0.1622442319801638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325960664889492,0.0,0.0,0.09148468469831247,0.0,0.2443588605547679,0.14397975252564724,0.0,0.14820819371335886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896381179914105,0.32901333048616604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951888389301113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345221439838066,0.10134117949547493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959675530805127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123883428654848,0.11898117229499895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045866807544066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015702820498227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498775058886822,0.0,0.0,0.13969851660678986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563068870626625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930314601534872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912240138040395,0.15869936460807865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295638951232328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322723963909148,0.15076932487063158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389876978790044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612456151998597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541656741937208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006461488599958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004056388369124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665724188699792,0.0,0.12398744806617973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271674160190699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631017556552728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378745611666645,0.0,0.0,0.13150092722705606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913499142517162
bpd,3702665s,2019/03/24,"Breakup tips?! I think my boyfriend is about to end things with me and all my panic systems are going off. I dont know if I have enough emotional fortitude to go through another breakup. I physically feel pain searing through my chest and want to be sick and beg him not to do this to me. 

Anybody have advice on how to get through the hell of separating from an FP without the world going up in flames?!

I am terrified. ",4.213172690763051,5.438077325301209,4.732710843373496,85.77007028112452,70.92771084337348,8.424899598393575,33.110441767068274,8.841846274778883,2.6185357429718867,330,16,69,6,6,105,62,83,0.21100000000000002,0.758,0.031,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,8,3,1,1,1,13,16,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,11,0,18,15,2,10,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529767436702385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27146061702207996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30340807513522866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912076925924921,0.22929283785487325,0.2674945732945125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308986468116455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352552934134204,0.0,0.44138625486079497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227491714671894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754689721754181,0.303742547274647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198986709925213,0.16588129597693013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269546157284847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495532558563297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PerfectMushroomBlue,2019/03/24,"When I was 19 i attempted suicide This was over a year ago on Christmas eve. I'd dropped out of uni and moved in with my mums. It was hell.

Christmas eve i took a load of pills. Sedatives and painkillers. Within twenty minutes i started to pass out. I staggered to my bed on the floor in the hallway and collapsed into it.

My mum found me, tried to wake me. I wouldn't wake up no matter how hard she tried. She ended up going to bed.

I woke up 10hrs later hallucinating. With no memory of what had happened, at first.

I'm 21 and some days i wish I'd had the opportunity to take more.",-0.05436983471074442,2.2512304793388442,1.9874741735537207,94.28302944214876,91.31404958677686,4.347314049586777,19.959194214876035,5.985473137389443,-0.06550867768595038,452,15,100,4,16,150,78,121,0.10400000000000001,0.81,0.086,-0.6398,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,5,0,6,3,2,1,0,15,15,6,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,8,1,15,1,23,6,2,29,1,0,0,0,4,14,1,1,10,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366826180463806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219526005970234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364859754240721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271131609981725,0.0,0.2927557113524764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174432252378747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23611043832003856,0.0,0.2391828178578767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837826155354618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898655166159847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29205864727554864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075350933926275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966508699624582,0.3625558918979904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30704101060851025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194159102016268
bpd,jerichonightwolf,2019/03/24,"How to approach someone who is splitting on you After finding out recently that I am a candidate for BPD during a very stressful, painful period in my life, I am working towards understanding the disorder and developing healthy mechanisms for approaching conflicts with assertiveness and a willingness for compromise. I am in a precarious situation with my closest friend who has expressed to me in the past that she has BPD; we have not spoken in weeks as she felt that I betrayed her, and she has shut me out completely, going so far as to convey her anxieties to our mutual friends who in turn have expressed their disappointment in me and their shared sense of betrayal (without hearing my side). It occurred to me that my friend is splitting on me. I’ve worked hard over the past few weeks with my therapist, with other friends, and on my own to hold myself accountable to the issue that set her off initially, but I am concerned as to how I can go about suggesting a resolution or initiating contact when she appears to still be in the polarized mindset. Does anyone have any tips for approaching someone with BPD who is splitting, when you yourself have BPD? ",20.675285714285714,9.842069290476196,17.703333333333337,42.94500000000002,51.33333333333334,21.752380952380953,66.28571428571428,16.156165824659062,9.326114285714286,941,51,152,26,5,301,119,210,0.083,0.855,0.063,-0.4915,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,2,2,2,7,9,0,1,10,0,16,2,0,2,0,25,23,15,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,11,13,0,2,3,0,1,6,2,3,0,0,1,3,31,5,40,21,2,36,0,1,0,0,28,19,0,2,10,124,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239837309078803,0.0,0.09269316367083248,0.0,0.0,0.08472346034033923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104272547378213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270423088597642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388689885320282,0.0,0.10603490510699433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163402507064688,0.0,0.11074532737278847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744562852273569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772509676866065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854269928192237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656510586417925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646787789566147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558451897824862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893126065373808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313370713009279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119638750332052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619787248013185,0.0,0.0,0.2053304517246832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967648955572991,0.0,0.13879749766390448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068534956802306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179595464477806,0.0,0.12614012763665478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997626312276787,0.0,0.0,0.1943872699659553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168015970136641,0.0,0.17642344723848974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hugh_calyptus_,2019/03/24,"I've cut everyone out. Or did no one even like me in the first place? About August of 2018 I had the worst mental breakdown I've ever had. Repressed things from my past came flooding back and it seriously impacted my relationships and reputation. 
Before this incident I always knew something was off about my personality and my coping mechanisms but I was able to maintain basic friends and acquaintances. 
I love playing music at local bars and one night when I was playing I looked up and not a soul was there. The music guy who is active in my community  of friends said ""yeah you can keep going or stop everyone stepped out. We dont have another act for a few hours so if you wanna play more its cool"" 
Idk why this shit just rubbed me the wrong way. It made me feel beyond unwanted, rejected, and used. I just picked up my stuff and bolted out. Bolted. I was beyond pissed and embarrassed that the same people who would always praise me on my work would just dip. Afterwards I dont think I've been out to the same bars. Or seen the same people. The funny thing is. Nobody has tried contacting me to see how I'm doing since then. And it's not like they should. I just thought that a few long term friends would care a bit more. Because I know I would have if they were going thru shit. But I dont know. It gets me wondering had these people literally been tolerating me the whole time?

Maybe my question here is. How do you know forsure when a person is being genuine with you?
What's your go to for making friends? 
It's been a lifelong struggle and all my doctors say is try putting myself out there more but I just really dont know where or how to start. 
Thanks. 
",2.579257218844983,4.8765536231003015,3.5552498100303964,87.8852455357143,78.11854103343465,6.665691489361702,22.743256079027358,7.756953410329674,1.0615629939209723,1318,41,265,21,32,422,185,329,0.12300000000000001,0.71,0.16699999999999998,0.9649,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,5,2,3,22,25,4,3,15,2,34,7,3,7,2,67,61,27,0,9,16,0,2,2,4,5,1,2,0,3,17,19,2,3,10,5,0,7,7,11,0,3,19,8,39,14,29,36,13,41,2,1,3,1,24,17,3,8,18,190,56,2,0.0939168264333556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629264622530906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847998127432084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221624238752425,0.0,0.05725082568930636,0.0,0.07991630199366714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253285022043708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741582971171842,0.09575446377717403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961278514512212,0.0,0.0,0.44027928449547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062031178108545935,0.08495314634875596,0.0,0.1794831047484976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047487169329598435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988560458677925,0.0,0.0,0.29023962852659857,0.0,0.04906766553736595,0.0,0.1601252903285714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299242375143993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248915593282378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347759055148063,0.0,0.0,0.2064569266822935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176603494639117,0.0,0.0,0.08311343600334456,0.07886648064686116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476360261381924,0.08886637198510408,0.06269021092037391,0.0,0.0943520754317531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464607157150108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813457950740282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728094435562798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965423774105638,0.19533030665289006,0.16400910060147722,0.09812309444530463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094412350567042,0.10520833948081144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016552389099024,0.0,0.0,0.10083152419830234,0.0,0.0,0.08933640867497157,0.07468642992519957,0.0,0.0,0.07483955121487572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280854542555773,0.07768896933537728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230176134939573,0.0,0.0,0.06647481313678191,0.0,0.0,0.07851867221539506,0.0,0.09818225851734634,0.10751229686233132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646599565626206,0.0,0.0,0.12478833266579968,0.060178110183251435,0.0,0.07455946957677162,0.05476365675240128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275267205717021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811139838830996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454680535435762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474532802821601,0.1048547827496123,0.0,0.0,0.10184879204338028,0.06837256818748719,0.0,0.0,0.26686327557146555,0.10268330639446496,0.0,0.0
bpd,quintessentiallly,2019/03/24,"I’m scared to date I’m an alcoholic borderline with close to 8 months sober, and one of my best friends and I have been sort of moving towards dating for a while now. We slept together for a few weeks in January, but I ended it because I didn’t feel like it was super healthy for me at the time. I still really like him and he really likes me but I’m absolutely terrified to date him, just because I’m scared I’m gonna blow it all up, and then I’m gonna lose his friendship which is so so important to me. I appreciate him and care about him so much, and I could really just use some advice here. ",2.9388454861111093,3.662981929687504,4.798854166666668,85.98850694444445,73.453125,9.126388888888886,25.159722222222207,9.444778638647367,1.825377430555556,469,14,108,11,9,161,81,128,0.102,0.634,0.264,0.9755,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,3,9,10,0,2,4,0,6,2,1,1,1,19,18,13,0,1,4,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,1,16,7,15,11,5,17,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,14,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964408665288255,0.0,0.21483629887317754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450878985021276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109650139183018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049600160066269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050338209252407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804989938434335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016450889282098,0.14361344291696762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531265217828347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946343269475949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489734433295214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045751389029925,0.21365946142263936,0.14777768111859402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622082649418402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863483618405697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40252539113487534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605401021124134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722022683635196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736224378398584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612514124567448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arozeisarozie,2019/03/24,"Finally mustering the courage to breakup with my boyfriend of 7 years. The reason I’m sharing this is twofold: I need support to follow through and I want to share something amazing that happened to me that ultimately lead to changing the way I see myself.

This is going to be lengthy, but I encourage you to read it because I think that you may feel more hope for yourself at the end, though I will make it as straightforward as I am able.

I’m 25 now and I’ve gotten much better at managing my (therapist-suspected) quiet BPD. I was never officially diagnosed, but I think there is a reason for that; I tend to cling on to whatever definition of self that I’m given and she (my therapist) is very dismissive of labels. Which is why it kind of shocked me when she proceeded to do so at our appointment last week:

“What it comes down to is what is right for you, regardless of labels or what he may have.” - This was her on the subject of my current boyfriend, whom she casually asked if he is a narcissist. This one threw me for a loop. I had considered it before and pretty much dismissed it, as he is not so blatantly evil as I find in many of the descriptors and second-hand accounts. Plus, I’ve grown to become terrified of my black and white thinking, so I am always very hesitant to see someone else as the bad guy. I’ve done my fair share of harm in the past. Therefore, I’ve grown accustomed to always questioning myself and my feelings before reacting outwardly.  Inwardly is another story, however, which leads me to the subject of my eating disorder.

I have struggled with letting go of being the dainty, scrawny child for years. My grandparents teasing me about how light I was inspired me to feel cute and lovable, and when they subsequently turned around and lamented how my cousin couldn’t stop gaining weight, I knew that I could never allow that to happen to me. This connection that I’d made, coupled with the deprivation that is innate with being raised a health-conscious, vegetarian child, lead to my binging in junior high, eventual restriction in adulthood, and an ongoing battle with bulimia - and let me tell you it got messy.

I’m talking, my apartment had bugs, you couldn’t see the floor, it smelled like puke, the bathroom was a disaster. Staying clean has always been a struggle for me, but bulimia thrives on the chaos.

Now, there was a point before it got that bad, minus the bugs I suppose, that one of my best friends insisted upon coming over to pee. It was after a night a drinking and fun with friends, and though I kept saying I couldn’t, that he didn’t understand, that it was too messy in there, he insisted and I just gave up. My thoughts at the time were, “well, might as well lose him as a friend now, it’s not like you deserve him anyway”. I think I wanted to see the disgust mirrored in his face, a confirmation that nobody other than family (who doesn’t have a choice in the matter, due to chemicals and biology) could ever love me through that. 

This friend was there during the 2nd and last time I had the courage to end my current relationship. He was going through a difficult breakup as well. We slept together once and once I found out that I didn’t have a chance with him, I opened up to him like I’ve never opened up before to anyone. I told him about my disorders, my struggles, my therapy, you name it. Each time expecting him to toddle his ass on out - yet he never did. 

Still, everyone has a breaking point, so when I let him into my apartment, I knew all bets were off.

Except they weren’t. 

He stayed and talked to me and ever since that moment a little over a year ago, I began to allow myself to hope/to think that if he can accept the shittiest and most embarrassing parts of me, why can’t my significant other? It would be one thing if I weren’t actively trying to fix myself and accepting my fall into addiction and self-hatred - but I’m not. He’s seen a pile of clothes on the floor and been absolutely disgusted by it. “How do you let it get this way? I don’t understand.” I don’t understand either, but I’m working on it, I say. “It’s never going to change; I’ve just given up.” Juxtapose that next to my friend’s response? I just...I deserve better.

So if you ever feel like a mess and that nobody will ever love you, think about a girl with a fucking disgusting apartment, her inward mess showing outwardly in an honest-to-god appalling manner and how someone loved her regardless. 

And get this - thanks to my asshole therapist (I say this in a begrudgingly, loving manner), I’ve realized I’m in love with my friend (something I did not want to acknowledge for fear of exposing my my vulnerability) and yet, I’m able to want him to be happy more so than I want his attention. And this is during a time where I’ve craved attention more than ever before due to the lack of (positive) attention that I’m currently receiving. Do you know how amazing that is? I’ve been able to encourage him to get out there and feel better, to date, to be him, without forcing myself into the picture. “A mature love”, my therapist calls it...it’s so strange.

At any rate, that marks the end of the encouraging message, and now I enter into the need for support. 

I have been avoiding breaking up with my SO because the last time that I did (three years ago) the things he said and did were so hurtful; so hurtful that I never want to feel that way again. I’ve been stuck for so many years now, that the fear of remaining here is finally beginning to counter the fear of him telling me every negative thing that I’ve ever thought about myself. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to rip the bandaid off for good and never go back. I want to find someone who loves me for who I am, I want to have permission to love me for who I am. But I freeze at the thought of picking up the phone. Can you help me with confronting this situation head-on? 

Thank you for taking the time to read and thank you for this sub.",6.199941378379421,6.1681500611541775,6.677792690295291,78.04981719310426,66.04565030146426,10.101024592798282,33.090632110764005,9.82334261429958,3.0425857302634105,4675,183,908,92,67,1526,432,1161,0.131,0.6859999999999999,0.183,0.9965,7,1,3,0,0,0,151.0,2,14,2,10,56,77,8,8,61,0,86,19,4,17,15,180,183,75,0,27,20,1,8,4,6,6,3,5,1,5,73,60,3,5,35,5,2,17,25,27,3,4,50,22,138,50,159,112,12,144,0,4,7,10,100,57,2,12,67,641,211,9,0.1261854873610626,0.0,0.0,0.04585360230034805,0.0,0.0,0.07457054729929645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499643399303753,0.0,0.0,0.028603486163420424,0.0441054952711328,0.0,0.0,0.041714032136749374,0.02941060890719118,0.0,0.0,0.03744394554274239,0.03932213229796943,0.0,0.0,0.032342950271787574,0.07023974078343935,0.05128100125596951,0.046453985633350126,0.17895759290661048,0.0,0.04414129465317581,0.11160080921599767,0.0,0.0,0.05297540133295429,0.0,0.04294983032630453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899167601965015,0.07246508275661209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716589590083437,0.04654061389289594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426918711626122,0.0,0.0,0.09641300047581003,0.0,0.0,0.04304385474527354,0.0,0.04120457943235898,0.0,0.04303975193727391,0.03513726097402824,0.0,0.11176288796496203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282839951471396,0.03543890514571296,0.04019188024458571,0.0,0.0,0.039652149087742256,0.14199375493492006,0.1276063477188469,0.030048979127931894,0.0,0.09215335567076656,0.07688749960343971,0.0,0.0,0.04611862459682401,0.19498118903704345,0.03888548324648272,0.06592670903222847,0.0,0.11952353402164875,0.03527946665618722,0.06728137433752558,0.0,0.0,0.04164782378050464,0.07439027315961068,0.04477559923515143,0.0,0.0,0.04316757151547842,0.04470975745513346,0.0,0.0,0.028193157434068063,0.04444063182032136,0.0,0.08355377399166708,0.0,0.0,0.09005611603356199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043800922380196186,0.02311608127268428,0.10285801395191374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204428020669474,0.0,0.0821971403326016,0.042157002817587705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04705642778646702,0.0,0.0,0.3036995438765647,0.039799919726160274,0.028076597553292316,0.08528818572581623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462095372095713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061840568199095274,0.06237662665848216,0.22708472952991798,0.0,0.044733232450544204,0.03947217728300529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958895052715636,0.08550655194193701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554886204201823,0.04015277529054798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952404820678864,0.0,0.0,0.04279200171592748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711887491660842,0.0,0.08414642329734608,0.0,0.0,0.08649313144694329,0.0,0.04515866327514192,0.0,0.035920572246852724,0.040010431555406685,0.1003477642641255,0.0,0.0,0.13407132818219214,0.0,0.08775932223320237,0.0,0.0,0.03479397970330589,0.0472792582528342,0.0,0.0,0.10691655395364444,0.0647625020237868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966462667570703,0.03359063106899453,0.035165572548649084,0.0,0.13191646919641906,0.0,0.0,0.09546253046110352,0.0,0.0,0.03162526083928489,0.06761540994634263,0.07352778520270792,0.11617464320717165,0.0481013673238814,0.19534810209570985,0.08383203081069936,0.16170913030861006,0.08265106710235387,0.10017718190896813,0.14715954487408886,0.0,0.0,0.04019188024458571,0.0,0.02855722096174348,0.045751191724659836,0.0,0.13136354251309293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941082819078806,0.2480915659959957,0.10016016641623858,0.03373946218992695,0.051219976345851764,0.11345590740540905,0.0,0.07590851696422311,0.0,0.0,0.04054610229214901,0.0,0.030621512553584893,0.0,0.0,0.02987951659426596,0.0,0.0,0.13543219451135144
bpd,ibhar_zuhrah,2019/03/24,"A head full of harmful memories I thought of sharing my story with people who might understand what I am going through.

[my story](https://write.as/zuhrah/ahfohm)

I have written this letter and shared it by mid Jan 2019.

I am confused right now. I can't say much.",4.074375,6.964032687499998,3.641500000000004,86.05350000000004,76.29166666666666,6.34,28.35,7.554174236665415,1.9188700000000003,211,9,36,3,5,63,41,48,0.053,0.828,0.12,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,7,2,5,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124635557634093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995308520224475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129824086072548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861779576050235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698893996812314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324573593344957,0.0,0.3095844584834408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090581921890645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405271721513792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AfineG,2019/03/24,"Do you ever feel like you are screaming for help but no one hears you? I am not diagnosed.  I am middle aged and never had counseling or therapy.  I’ve had some childhood sexual abuse; I’m pretty sure my mom is an undiagnosed Narcissist.  I’m currently experiencing menopause (cause, why not dog pile on the rabbit).  As far as I can remember back I have always had “episodes” of uncontrollable crying.  I like solitude, yet get bored and lonely, and that just inflames feelings of low self worth.  I impulsively change jobs for no good reason.  I cut my hair just for the spontaneity, then cry later because I hate the way I look.  I never understand my own behavior or reasons for doing or thinking anything.  Things ARE black and white for me, yet grey for everyone else.  I NEVER thought about suicide until this week.  Before you tell me to seek help:  I’ve had very fleeting thoughts in the past that I just “didn’t want to be alive” but not necessarily actually end my life.  More like, I wished I wasn’t born.  Last week, I mulled over the concept of killing myself without actually mentally visualizing the act. (In my fucked up brain this is a safety net for not going through with it).  I don’t think I could ever really harm myself... but this is the first time I thought about it.  Now I am scared.  And I am ashamed for thinking it.  I feel like a worthless asshole for admitting it to Reddit.  And... queue the crying fit.


PS, this is a real-time mental meltdown and its a mild one.  I can feel the bigger one coming, I’ve been putting it off for days.   I think I’m broken.",3.4984207845134985,5.521805423841061,4.608211920529801,82.71227203260317,74.2317880794702,7.560061130922057,26.84717269485481,8.384062270229773,1.8968936321956202,1226,46,236,22,26,401,177,302,0.221,0.643,0.136,-0.9893,2,2,0,0,1,3,46.0,0,4,0,1,11,19,4,3,14,0,25,6,2,3,6,50,50,17,2,3,14,1,5,4,0,0,3,2,0,1,13,9,0,0,16,0,1,4,13,13,0,4,10,12,36,6,30,38,3,40,0,3,4,1,11,11,1,4,28,157,49,1,0.0,0.11577258540507393,0.19070537577391056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130410156164118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040854162601725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751343949607346,0.0,0.05956424769494272,0.0,0.08314560269658716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907875974316543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037700422496372,0.1033662000233564,0.08417012212777165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801497556805845,0.0,0.321995695816744,0.0630160712434367,0.0,0.0,0.09917548901970398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162572745145959,0.0,0.0865437124705412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677195710828622,0.0,0.0933678770531142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762422513380226,0.13961075579022142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311366485245221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033304729249686,0.05105041802787805,0.0,0.055531906253578886,0.08195607882012597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647024012280676,0.0,0.0,0.1101283765165646,0.0,0.13098841064534494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696395162384606,0.0,0.1081037045263494,0.0,0.0,0.07964821370342584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690167819252419,0.19094833200110786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205335960692517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969411613740681,0.0,0.0,0.11443895864247165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260842486275067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863627131567133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327703416349216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940809762458408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822741535913712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112174974306129,0.06259672458153424,0.20092814801728345,0.0,0.0,0.11068849845099188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782662566203072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019347883038898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688092411833336,0.0,0.0920922790488808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540447930050539,0.0,0.11174203652708803,0.0,0.06491542320002701,0.2504392778697177,0.0,0.23271692558508725,0.05697657590447885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172150039581067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062252416699714,0.057632991268053727,0.0775591325632711,0.15675713295407018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816976259968044,0.0,0.11236382576648336,0.09419075372335528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrAdministration,2019/03/24,"Question about mood swings Hey all. This may seem like an odd question, since I do not have BPD, but have suffered from depression in the past. I've been dealing with mood swings for a long time, and when I was depressed it seemed 'natural'. Now that I've moved on from it (that's a long story in and of itself), the mood swings still remain. They aren't as bad though, back then I was suicidal so it was way worse. Now they just drain my energy, and one day I can be in a great mood and the other I won't have energy for anything, I get agitated easily, I'm tired all the time, and have a hard time smiling and trying to be positive. How do you guys deal with these? What are some things I can do to help overcome them?",3.627181208053688,4.19385510738255,4.3968389261745,90.07794295302013,71.75167785234899,8.10765100671141,23.6248322147651,8.238735603445708,0.977689395973154,557,13,128,8,10,179,95,149,0.196,0.627,0.17600000000000002,-0.6843,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,3,0,10,10,0,0,9,0,19,1,0,1,2,20,23,13,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,1,12,2,15,15,3,19,0,3,0,0,11,4,0,6,14,88,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085364119981505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222707060859814,0.13276869655856485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20027052794310726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254983126870422,0.3278695661280028,0.2739142622783341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307740631325017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531171191088618,0.0,0.15744725752581695,0.0,0.0,0.14244386056384034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658264744832796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768541755050153,0.0,0.0,0.2814419075096205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900499659551124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775090494283106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179531071936758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562605178326132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895177999681381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315366851234807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698749323008698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393373655168712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564076059553856,0.0,0.15622885742399056,0.0,0.2781641951003753,0.18276134080971287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079589691572308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262166269773429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204720150464882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Shanondorf,2019/03/24,"I would really appreciate any advice Next weekend is going to ve hell for me. My SO (who is also my FP) is going to be at a convention living it up and having fun without me, while I work my usual long ass shifts. We're poly, but I still get jealous no matter how much he reassures that I'm his favorite. I'm going to be feeling and thinking a lot of things I don't want to feel and think while I'm at work. I work in a group home as a caregiver, so my normal method of controlling my mood (marijuana) is out. I am also torn between wanting to call and check in on him and NOT wanting to hear about how much fun he's having. It sucks, I feel like a normal person would not only be able to hear about how much fun their partner is having, but they would also want to. All I want is to hear his voice before I go to sleep and for him to tell me he loves me most in the world. Not sure how to ask for this kind of reassurance. ",5.3955276381909565,3.779401844221109,6.7579346733668375,82.05559547738694,68.2462311557789,9.568040201005024,28.442713567839192,8.238735603445708,1.6597171859296478,713,17,163,8,10,246,110,199,0.111,0.73,0.159,0.9226,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,4,12,13,3,0,6,0,17,3,2,5,2,38,41,20,0,10,6,0,3,1,1,3,0,4,1,2,6,7,0,1,5,1,1,4,6,3,0,0,0,7,24,9,31,35,6,20,2,0,0,2,22,9,3,2,8,114,30,3,0.11601420011493555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336773365442075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27832954175141383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889363437459335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845761634163048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871953944821622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846346948252882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011979031656695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598079624438467,0.08288056774284322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606126312505267,0.0,0.2637341738944348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39226930555431255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637170193496978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208109366735987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056678678072557276,0.0,0.1024426641801647,0.10266891634774536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863112423066188,0.10470734510051463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558513575482881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338241797463853,0.0,0.22733856793125276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823402698748449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129912466405802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432166730700171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609798418279585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264909007343916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934201063666464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140152443331406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707467952067368,0.14867442997113053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777325106386567,0.0,0.34214090526033697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183354893441236,0.0,0.2533791582183833,0.0,0.0,0.2472394774549109,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,malapropos_9,2019/03/24,"abilify and lexapro TW: mention of suicidal thoughts and self harm (no detail)

i have been on abilify for about two months now. it was helping at first then kind of fizzled out. i take propranolol for anxiety as needed, a pretty small dosage, but it’s fast acting and helps in that way. my doctor is going to add lexapro to the abilify to see if i’ll have any improvements in mood. to clarify, the abilify has helped with my depression, suicidal thoughts, and *was* helping with over sensitivity but i feel like that’s the most important part and yet it’s the part that i no longer see improvements with. because of that, i’m prone to crying fits and feelings of wanting to self harm. I’m super nervous to add lexapro!!! i also have chronic nightmares but there’s no drug out there that will solve that, i don’t want to make them worse. my question is have y’all had any experience with these two drugs specifically? any advice or symptoms you’ve experienced?",3.6945895281189394,6.118000417582419,4.340239172592117,83.01358435681966,75.04395604395604,8.018616677440207,29.387201034259853,8.841846274778883,2.5761224305106665,764,34,143,17,17,243,110,182,0.188,0.669,0.14300000000000002,-0.9259999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,2,6,8,0,1,5,0,13,5,0,1,0,29,27,14,2,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,10,14,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,3,6,5,11,3,27,20,3,18,0,1,2,0,10,9,0,4,7,92,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779141851238845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045803945789921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26679362257676753,0.0,0.1000422055121352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971897793785004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436497494400886,0.0,0.0,0.11263596511440027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385333707919267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033140188219736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792264539178466,0.0,0.0,0.1322471268680517,0.0934253951945085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123680179157296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432221476460754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506218116555476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618161421830172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388986034049256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729305614563272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438303227502677,0.0,0.0,0.09696770348933463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832322801262884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304477514706708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649747305767213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084208379650204,0.0,0.2728528422457405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28609235779838,0.0,0.0,0.13592487457019053,0.0983262186532376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076408379681649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554955496611316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426848612008473,0.10380278467304736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327048240384765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rozengarten,2019/03/24,Women with BPD usually have extreme difficulty keeping people in their lives. Their relationship pool is more like a desert. this was written in a serious medical article written by a guy who i'm pretty sure just hates women in general but holy shit i can't stop laughing about this fucking sentence,5.4266666666666685,8.245620925925927,6.322000000000003,68.97300000000003,71.22222222222223,9.505185185185187,36.725925925925935,9.888512548439397,4.6216859259259255,246,14,36,7,5,81,45,54,0.215,0.623,0.162,-0.6456,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,2,7,3,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,1,7,10,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,3,3,6,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,3,2,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397560631970084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493908185858273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26710700235100776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663343358217081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977704931414415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179219082236704,0.0,0.2382049759294038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717570486913533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870191519322515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744451514004671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896236605584184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769070345662508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255332888203249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542476927969469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971049653742113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Samwowser,2019/03/24,"Has anyone seen the show unreal? Rachel, the main character is diagnosed with borderline personality and narcissistic personally disorders.  Does anyone else relate to her a lot? Do you think her portrayal is accurate? 
",7.616764705882352,11.674025676470592,8.895588235294117,46.42514705882357,71.64705882352942,15.164705882352939,34.97058823529412,12.161744961471696,7.650905882352941,179,9,21,10,4,61,30,34,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217271384421572,0.3089923640452377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060854795112294,0.0,0.0,0.3456234018104937,0.0,0.26390445412713504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25192162069873003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25638258696667604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526635620173884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323279172328744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ufo21,2019/03/24,The hardest thing to accept I think one of the most difficult things I’ve had to come to terms with is the fact I will never really be treated equal to my loved ones. Just recently my friends planned a group holiday and held my invite incase I was too emotionally charged over the trip and my downs are just too difficult to deal with and prevents the rest of everyone else from having fun. Would give my left arm to just not ruin everything possible honestly ,7.226931818181821,7.3070178295454635,7.096727272727275,75.53009090909092,63.88636363636364,11.585454545454546,34.64545454545455,11.20814326018867,3.9134018181818178,371,15,69,10,5,118,64,88,0.07200000000000001,0.69,0.239,0.945,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,6,0,8,2,1,0,2,18,13,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,2,1,0,2,2,3,0,2,3,0,8,6,13,7,4,8,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,52,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035372245916809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517559410898664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039948996603244,0.27468827335056023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333402875003346,0.21946813127845316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886656642676384,0.0,0.0,0.23425560142799004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26532028787277123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203969385440248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883394490663673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33094783145046897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27529494152657463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643857578688813,0.0,0.2411146528342229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244667007708293,0.1564713018650213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347023702421227,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ekaatauria,2019/03/24,"Y’all I didn’t obsess! So, I broke up with my ex a few months ago and recently we’d been talking casually. I made it clear to him that I need time to work on my life and myself first and he said he understood. 

This morning, I woke up to find that he’d blocked me on EVERYTHING. Me from last year would’ve exploded and started calling him over and over, crying, leaving voicemails, but when I saw it today I just laughed and carried on with my day. Of course it hurts, but I’ve realised that I can’t control how he feels and if he needs time then so be it. I’m just surprised that I didn’t obsess like wtf!! :O",2.363023255813953,3.5562225503875986,3.619294573643412,92.09033720930228,75.43410852713178,6.710387596899222,26.078294573643408,7.1686216300943375,0.9780815503875964,475,17,109,5,10,155,82,129,0.16899999999999998,0.735,0.096,-0.8696,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,3,6,8,0,2,1,0,7,1,0,3,1,24,17,15,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,9,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,8,3,20,4,14,6,1,20,0,2,1,0,13,7,0,1,14,68,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132270633619974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203893647643028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24207477677632766,0.0,0.0,0.23708213627263006,0.13919426548861338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397655473349346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091315212034939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972672193019074,0.18358722311506856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310534180809274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759324944441561,0.0,0.2285357137596956,0.0,0.0,0.15244905112158075,0.10544497734749836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422616246627248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227563834143342,0.0,0.0,0.3200744920518009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131087979839957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530636622890694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276752819236436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347818528197825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517076192339165,0.0,0.204584206130284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571288093232233,0.0,0.0,0.15332138990178198,0.0,0.0,0.1389892117860685
bpd,crazycrafted,2019/03/24,"Tonight my husband suggested divorce I dont really know what else to say about it. I should have seen it coming. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with BPD, PTSD and social anxiety. 

I felt like I needed to tell someone but I dont really have any friends. I can already feel myself slipping away mentally and my guard going up. 

Thanks for listening strangers. Best of luck to you all. ",1.917199391171991,4.6346744794520545,3.2527853881278546,86.18852359208525,85.02739726027397,7.080060882800609,25.9193302891933,8.167268648758528,2.137890106544901,299,13,56,7,9,97,58,73,0.017,0.728,0.255,0.9666,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,13,16,3,0,2,1,1,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,11,5,9,12,2,7,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,4,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313687547289153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155373403095613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282236489669486,0.0,0.14941709097764694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350689903769185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497330681791084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459951226292446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824843673210774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824280359695454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578205081837735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631624226466208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875822351986832,0.0,0.1875351011418832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090155147701956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110032417647623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734120184652952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542209736556204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968337558016916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448251975252777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283153051483533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502503451142909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532404320121249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910124533048834,0.16549159382873824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071580471770073,0.1798217970546972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577784578686338
bpd,iwtara0214,2019/03/24,"I think I might be borderline... I've had two best friends at school abandon me for popularity (although we reconnected after graduating). I've had a slew of other acquaintances not interested inkeeping in touch, a BPD girl manipulate my friend into leaving and blocking me painting me as a bitch for wanting to live somewhere else. A bipolar guy fell in love with me and I finally thought I had a friend, then he abandoned me too and blocked me leaving me lonely and heartbroken.


 I met another girl who basically is a fairweather friend being my friend only at College (a friends a friend right? She talks to me online) and I've been insanely jealous of people going or wanting to be with their other friends and feeling like if I give them a choice to stay with me and if they go for their friends I take it as a personal attack and like they hate me. 


I get on really closely with my school friends but sadly they moved away and for reasons haven't made any friends to do things with down here so every time someone seems like they want to be a friend, I feel like I have to see if they genuinely want to be my friend and feel like I have to clutch on to them and do whatever I can to keep them even if doing so doesn't make me comfortable.
I feel like I need to punish people if they don't want to be with me and with their friends by giving them short shrift. 


I basically took all the blame for being used by a guy and made it out to be my fault that he left just to have him back and someone to talk to. I hated doing it and I hate being needy and intense but I feel desperate.


I feel terrible for having this attitude and I know it's wrong but I can't help it. 


I'm just scared of being left alone and abandoned. I've tried to be friendly and friend material, I think I'm a caring person, I do whatever I can to make sure they're happy and try to be supportive and understanding.


My true friends say I'm a lovely person, gorgeous and kind but with no friends and people leaving me or wanting to use me O can't see that. I feel undesirable and like a loser. I'm so lonely.",4.432301963439403,5.114531312796213,5.4712694651320275,82.68015402843605,69.99526066350711,8.587813134732567,29.76337169939065,8.738905477910976,2.1616727149627626,1642,62,339,27,28,543,187,422,0.182,0.574,0.245,0.9822,0,5,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,13,2,9,56,7,1,16,0,34,3,0,8,3,88,82,42,0,12,14,0,8,7,18,1,1,1,0,7,12,36,0,6,14,0,0,5,7,18,0,1,9,11,61,38,53,60,2,26,0,7,2,2,53,15,1,9,12,227,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584529330623826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036667734435382286,0.056540261508792086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061342261662469914,0.050660009300452016,0.04146147447367186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658615389499299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791088109283393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497546153582893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504359177833592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035613928704819754,0.0,0.04543027920231367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084649044663546,0.15408303455351888,0.0,0.059067184219424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7498580856883675,0.0,0.028171193832588887,0.1034507597991989,0.06128843427328741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677938580424616,0.0,0.05739928946280964,0.0,0.1597057539524096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0361417207602261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792694656142578,0.0,0.05614981966484083,0.029633252550085063,0.0,0.0,0.17128181704228845,0.1171693876400976,0.0,0.0,0.18439955422660007,0.0,0.047612718501164775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733056802402856,0.10204160980452076,0.07198459775506733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720104437430181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057308872881950086,0.0,0.039981308016454484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100890896190396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214488950788154,0.14124369213675902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03454280159877626,0.05543917192927714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046047743844558564,0.0,0.0428796819870027,0.053983746656260864,0.10914068690796097,0.08593518687016817,0.04908712502490757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137319334014248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747199310616065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118825333874544,0.05081935748604724,0.0,0.04054144516788245,0.08667838184083505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03582233094925572,0.06910005552068796,0.0,0.04280679030680053,0.03144143036881228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599075703242787,0.07321685115270063,0.0,0.05267241514572212,0.05613305855844841,0.0,0.09313986053663627,0.0,0.0,0.1908219635667963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895351441993366,0.0,0.0
bpd,delta1810,2019/03/24,"I found a therapist I am very poor and am on medicaid and I randomly reached out to a counseling center in a town near me a few weeks ago. I told them I need a therapist that does DBT. The woman told me that pretty much everyone was booked, and that almost everyone that does DBT doesn’t take my insurance. 

She called me back a few days ago telling me I was first on her waitlist and that she found someone for me and that she would contact me later. I heard from the therapist on thursday, I almost didn’t answer because I get a lot of spam calls, but something in me popped up and said “it might be the therapist” and it was! Now I have appointments every friday. 

I haven’t seen a therapist since I was probably 15, and I’m almost 23 now. And if there was any time in my life where I needed a therapist, it is NOW. I’m hoping that even if I don’t really like her I can push through and talk to her to see how we can make things work. 

I am so excited to meet her and start my journey to recovery! ",4.8112519936204174,4.388079818181822,5.994844497607659,83.10349481658693,69.0,10.22025518341308,29.85685805422648,9.928628108626363,2.5177365231259974,778,26,173,17,12,262,113,209,0.021,0.898,0.081,0.91,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,2,10,3,0,0,12,0,19,1,0,2,0,31,36,16,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,11,13,0,0,3,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,13,4,35,3,18,20,4,27,0,0,2,0,20,12,0,9,14,123,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507266943547686,0.0,0.29665299817830754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715370691449901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593301707675885,0.0,0.060197370854560735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016705447218268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368588469154217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283440614576612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522375508451275,0.0,0.08320153130737662,0.18872061474375187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399710060687181,0.0,0.21654958991925752,0.0,0.0,0.051593045580687315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808149989444746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975037841525326,0.04824449229343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395411951469693,0.0,0.0,0.06591670653283295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475864484849423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259295892363937,0.14644444670159515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046473094566667,0.10646971037092703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326208068997989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393431202209472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869134051480171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168741047980793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367095404024799,0.07602293746831465,0.0,0.0,0.0698960919899873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424806491636264,0.07937188838623409,0.08631226468977436,0.0,0.0,0.6879414515851217,0.06560542533108442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758219405893969,0.0,0.0,0.18872061474375187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147948096931269,0.0,0.0,0.07921167169660265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718915193607363,0.0,0.0,0.07014950166054533,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaayyuh,2019/03/24,"what do i do? hey, i really don't know who else to ask for help or what to do. i live in serbia and our psychological healthcare system is fucked. i've been to 4 therapists so far - i was forced to go to the first and he misdiagnosed me with ocd after one session, the second told me i'm just emotional, the third just told me it'll get better after i told him i want to kill myself and the fourth, which i saw yesterday, i opened up my heart and soul to as much as i could without being hospitalized and she told me i'm just sensitive and that ”everyone wants to kill themselves sometimes”. i honest to god don't know what to do. i think i have bpd but i don't want to self diagnose so i'm desperately looking a sane therapist in this country who can tell me what i'm feeling isn't normal or teen angst. i've been hurting myself for almost two years but if i tell them they'll probably send me off to a clinic and i've heard those are filthy and abusive around here. my two friends have no idea what's going on with me but i don't want to tell them because i don't want them to worry and i honestly don't trust them either. i just want to get better.",2.4347561761546714,3.648121248979596,4.176906552094522,88.0831686358754,75.28571428571429,7.443609022556394,23.098818474758325,8.032893268588372,1.0007551020408159,906,25,203,14,19,306,129,245,0.138,0.743,0.12,-0.9082,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,5,3,8,10,3,0,6,0,23,4,1,0,0,39,50,19,2,9,12,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,12,13,0,0,5,0,0,3,9,4,0,6,9,4,37,6,30,37,2,17,1,1,2,1,25,8,1,4,5,137,49,1,0.0,0.13085611326579358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059205017313536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831709775901452,0.10324867930435556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732462539114728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535454950297185,0.0,0.0,0.13909826104542594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817922173580968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209665033345692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226040344023337,0.12423276739674682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553238879740467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055842965538195864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394219800667107,0.0,0.0,0.08532747794006418,0.1021021637099347,0.11540312864826716,0.0,0.12553385396306913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087470469001564,0.07402717249485526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182308092207048,0.12467595880159073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443761716896388,0.0,0.12139244352321385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752260964047857,0.0,0.09274375000778133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118782757766715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821004409644074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483858787188381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907552214439512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075219105843635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521544722654092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923029828909546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895944193778865,0.0,0.0,0.256464138225739,0.0,0.07076699202246342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221295551896188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157722366116032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908505216583895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646247464102726,0.0,0.0,0.1121595572952251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112124598242968
bpd,Bryanshughes,2019/03/24,"Help me save my marriage My wife was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. We have had 7 years long in this relationship/marriage.  She constantly mentally abuses me and cheats on me or lies to me and does things in deceit or makes me spend all of our savings on irrational things. I've tried everything.. even counseling. I just want her to see how much I love her. I want to be a happy family, not perfect. Just happy. Can anyone tell me how I can keep the love of my life and mother of my children? ",4.063673469387755,5.9632951122449,5.322193877551023,78.72369897959184,72.36734693877553,9.389795918367346,27.556122448979593,9.827888789773867,2.7944244897959183,403,15,76,11,8,134,68,98,0.17,0.627,0.203,0.6126,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,2,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,2,0,6,4,0,3,2,20,13,7,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,19,7,11,10,2,7,0,0,1,2,14,4,0,2,3,54,22,0,0.0,0.22405907575902495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222695132050294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043558472286908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193808560079306,0.0,0.0,0.2167312679721747,0.0,0.16548748339048958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490238867266272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995581540945565,0.0,0.17827182033950467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40261260819833533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675341973944265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808564303378887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357079584882586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735240251998434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413501649264276,0.0,0.12622937898496886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057384976758404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390142894813487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511961447301082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030285190430437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069258716271658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528652816034775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512665614888577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839021041261153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230786280113968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121777731616449
bpd,kinda-hopeful,2019/03/24,"Poem I wrote earlier today while trying to stabilize. I hope it resonates(and doesn't suck) So today I was upset about some people in a support group that I don't think understood what I was saying. I was watching Penny Dreadful last night so a poem seemed right.  


!!ALSO!! Two lines could be seen as referencing self harm represented as hail.

​

​

​

Answer me, please…

​

Please, tell my of my damnation!

Blessed moments between storms

Were you watching, my closest friend?

The lightning flashed and the thunder screamed

Please loved one. Did I see your eyes turn away?

I remember the shards as they fell. Frozen and cruel

Mother, father, brothers and sisters, why wont you speak of it?

Please tell me, why must I be damned?

​

Please, tell my of my curse!

Do not lie. There was once light

Why my friend why did you turn away?

In these hollow hours I remember the spring

Have you forgotten what we shared my beloved?

Flowers bloomed and I thought we sang of joy and love

Yet now this family, my family. Do I hear your whispers?

Please tell me, why do I bear this curse?

​

Please, tell me of my sins!

It’s fury was not without cause

Why, my friend, was I alone in it’s rage!

Glass shattered but you would not let me in

Was what we shared not love? Was it ever real!

Did you not see the purpose as the hateful shards fell

Is my blood not yours? Those precious bonds so easily broken!

Please tell me, what sins have I committed?

​

So my cherished few, once more we are in the eye!

My sin? My curse? My damnation? Twas I survived!

Hear me sing of damnation, of curses, of my blessed sin!

Despite it all! I survived, but it lacked beauty, it lacked grace!

I see you recoil in fear! I hear you cry in disgust! Do not lie to me!

Answer me! My false friend, my so called lover, my fare weather family!

Do you hear the storm?",1.5620338983050814,4.303654084745766,1.8045333333333355,94.73524067796616,90.0734463276836,4.3009265536723165,21.48677966101695,6.042040473130201,0.2645387118644069,1462,51,284,13,50,439,174,354,0.191,0.602,0.207,0.6763,1,1,0,0,0,0,94.0,4,12,1,2,11,33,6,3,10,0,30,7,3,1,4,40,52,18,0,6,10,4,0,0,5,3,0,10,0,1,17,9,0,0,8,2,0,2,11,15,0,2,16,19,64,18,26,29,6,24,6,0,8,4,47,11,2,3,11,180,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508725414823107,0.0,0.03928050137359943,0.0,0.3725434317691118,0.4177953124717377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229796360810237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501560608311481,0.0,0.0,0.05045881387150388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039217579382584994,0.0,0.05395499034894725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044431009623667146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891525903275945,0.05527260803323223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179708206797593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849491104144129,0.0,0.0,0.22144304048628788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487863181199979,0.04837238823934768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040038596703401284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022757551159183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329956313098856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609491841768161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462040986659683,0.03328435206130045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034052977465405365,0.0,0.0,0.37742590962293343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055908253543096684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112846589550997,0.04194741616009104,0.0,0.0390614548064055,0.0,0.0,0.11742461450250102,0.04471615522517152,0.05124190096896654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055739736903803565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575933855422929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03147351578609661,0.0,0.03899505377589313,0.0,0.0,0.09311826728786593,0.0,0.0,0.03334862328544575,0.10685488337466954,0.04798219269402446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659339163066301,0.0,0.0,0.04734902926462749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03489277700334625,0.0,0.4177953124717377,0.0
bpd,Blakery7829,2019/03/24,"How do I separate myself from my bpd, and feel like, clear? I hope this makes sense. I’ve been watching Crazy Ex Girlfriend lately and it’s really good, but also makes me incredibly self aware. I realise I make a lot of short lived decisions and bad ones, which I knew but has been reinforced now, and I just don’t know how to make a decision that’s reasonable that I can also stick with. The right decision, in anything. What’s me and what’s the bpd? I get the same thing with my thoughts, what is me? I feel like nothing is clear, who I am or my future or my life, everything is everything and nothing at the same time. It feels so surreal and I never feel grounded and typical techniques don’t work for me. How do I keep myself clear headed and make the right decisions? 

tl;dr: the fuck do?",2.2656603773584902,4.372644245283023,3.609408805031446,88.06467924528305,78.24528301886792,7.510440251572327,23.807547169811322,8.447377352677275,1.5393954716981129,621,21,129,13,15,203,90,159,0.071,0.8109999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.6604,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,8,0,13,3,1,9,4,45,29,19,0,1,5,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,11,11,0,1,12,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,5,22,4,8,25,3,11,0,0,1,1,4,6,1,4,7,88,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153569124753988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398341890374974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565157697087552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489015555288435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489709697889071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28014293486037545,0.1979057316412881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280519377938991,0.07236670465119319,0.0,0.0,0.11617713584846988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215307927062282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757348213737608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231156623057989,0.0,0.0,0.07612246921056916,0.0,0.1562473565361772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783498875234163,0.13533974920652106,0.0,0.12230846721974188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775778891884735,0.0,0.0,0.462288548732865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106828848020919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26581163766130755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938591881948654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873421325267572,0.14241321134469034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365766604323373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449802771137293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202109286271072,0.0,0.0,0.10996290642160236,0.08076735117553932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083824844896147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JohnConnorT800,2019/03/09,"Therapists Don’t Really Care 
Please forgive me if this post sounds cynical. Also, please understand that I’m not dismissing therapists who are good at their job and emotionally invested. I know some do care and work really hard in their profession.

However, its just a reality of the therapeutic relationship. They don’t really “care”. The relationship is superficial; that’s just the hard truth. If I didn’t pay my therapist, she wouldn’t give a fuck about me. If she sees me outside of session, she’s “legally” suppose to ignore me. I’m nothing to her. I’m a pawn in her life. I’m just a part of an ends to a means for her. She uses my emotionally fucked up lonely existence to pay her gas bill, and her mortgage, and to have money to spend time living a happy and fulfilled life with people she actually cares about. She goes home and makes love to someone else and doesn’t even think twice about me. I don’t even want to know how many people she sees each week/day because that’s just a reminder I’m just someone she sees for 50 minutes and cares about 30 other people just the same as she cares about me. I’m nothing special to her. I’m just part of the cattle. My fucked up miserable lonely life is a way for her to live a happy one. 

A large portion of my life revolves around my relationship with my therapist. A lot of times the 50 minute session is all I have to live for. In the end, when she is done with me, once she has used me as a cash cow, once it’s convenient for her to move on, to better her career, she will drop me at the drop of hat. Sure, she “cares”...for my money and as a way to fulfill her career, but she doesn’t really care about me. I’ve even read an article from a therapist training perspective that if a therapist thinks of you outside of session, then they are becoming too invested.

If I need help outside of session, she won’t be there. If I get hurt, she can’t help me. If I can’t work around her work hours and other client slots, she won’t see me. She can’t even touch me or hold me to comfort me. She can’t even initiate contact with me. She won’t ever text me just to check in on me. It’s not a real relationship. It’s bullshit. Rant over. 

",3.590473314606744,4.6264155438202295,4.974561095505617,84.16599894662922,72.21348314606742,8.6186797752809,26.715238764044948,9.017664075816787,1.9224396067415737,1707,57,363,34,32,571,187,445,0.08900000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.12,0.8859,3,4,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,4,4,27,26,4,1,26,0,27,8,0,4,4,60,62,26,0,10,19,0,3,0,0,5,4,1,1,0,12,17,0,2,7,1,10,1,16,9,0,2,2,8,68,17,58,54,8,27,0,4,4,4,47,13,3,10,8,241,80,14,0.0,0.0,0.061228657137087965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017599689118084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171012965393022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038247887716243,0.06929532508960172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055491574077361314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477986394690105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040464401222385885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420843910413505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052414187690397934,0.14115610478223956,0.11114432986958124,0.0,0.0,0.2072076259718553,0.05675513607999709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401621191983113,0.032780916945305924,0.060189333562841875,0.0,0.05262631564541501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335833583611405,0.1124117993020986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411136237548178,0.0,0.06293689973871562,0.0,0.061789761256657125,0.0,0.06716827148166628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226329514352224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896443199647978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772705089222311,0.0,0.0,0.16621112119018913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334232526985674,0.056628506509088884,0.0,0.04188180902756692,0.06361211503808857,0.0,0.06834612342728841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668646750777964,0.0,0.0465235497380994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040826315458605,0.0,0.0,0.1336396730350441,0.042516655519963496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589030778005382,0.0,0.13049543908734434,0.0,0.0,0.13774715993692568,0.0,0.0,0.060090980124311924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276053257883098,0.0714158999471221,0.1607805074924089,0.0,0.0,0.2694523804231989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999939541228485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632481817102064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913505642905272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371006079177202,0.0,0.0804070709392274,0.0,0.0,0.07317254097832013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531825173705781,0.0,0.10838056955246422,0.0,0.0,0.03700777335527216,0.09960582424685158,0.050329093810216184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370341621847373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,huerita13,2019/03/09,"Splitting I know when I'm splitting. I can't tell you the exact moment it happened. More like a string of moments and words during an argument with my husband. Then the tether on my balloon is broken and I am lost. I don't know that I have disassociated until I am dropped down again. Sorry for these analogies.  Then it feels like I'm adrift in an ocean and this person who I KNEW. I fucking knew so deeply is foreign to me. This person who KNEW me doesn't KNOW me at ALL. Every single thing we shared that I thought was a shared experience was a lie because how could it be true? How? If they never really understood me and I never truly knew what they felt? It feels like I was living in a movie and I've just awoken and all I want to do is go back but I can't because this new person, my husband, can't possibly be THAT person. And I HAVE to tell myself to wait it out because this disease tells me that this will pass. But this disease also tells me to run! And I fucking  I hate this. I hate it so much. I hate that it makes you feel intensely alone.  ",1.5059295499021523,3.4853345570776284,3.1867318982387483,90.78972602739726,80.14155251141553,5.44996738421396,21.38747553816047,6.42735559955562,0.2805749510763209,824,24,176,7,21,273,113,219,0.134,0.81,0.057,-0.9657,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,2,1,9,12,5,0,8,0,20,2,0,3,6,41,46,20,0,3,4,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,24,11,0,1,13,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,11,4,33,6,15,31,5,21,0,1,0,2,19,6,2,1,14,129,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707772093235845,0.0,0.098121234878212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434688889029104,0.0,0.22438597377587471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796405807945856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337802884644973,0.0,0.0,0.12002180700560228,0.0,0.0,0.18611879573069776,0.17531039507689136,0.11780894774377924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268639277784977,0.0,0.0,0.06973187967921371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850109185046036,0.0,0.0,0.3634154649482184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022941939203937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983156455019514,0.0,0.1083442380961777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339389360691912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190160784709026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019686156896227,0.0,0.18926392274582632,0.11850211690775035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285392836810716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832312031199087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860323121090614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734992968050758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289724791693013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815148404817778,0.0,0.0,0.09740819737103837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237022972533187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Delaware913,2019/03/09,"I'm your FP and I'm leaving, but I love you Dear friend with bpd,
I love you so much it hurts.  It hurts me to back away from you but I can barely function at work with you being my work friend and I need to focus on work.  I can't say any of what I'm about to say to you because I don't know if you know you have bpd tendencies and I don't know how much insight you have into how atypical a part of your brain is. I'm afraid if say you're bpd you'll hate me forever.  I want you to know I don't see you through the lens of your mental illness.  You're not just my bpd friend.  I see you as you.  A sweet, kind-hearted, witty, funny, smart, hard-working person.  In my perspective having a part of the brain that functions atypically is like a person with a broken knee: it does not define you.  It just makes it harder for you to get through the day.  However, you are still you- a very good person.  You know I had a crush on you- I don't any more and I feel like you need to know that.  Your emotional extremes ended my crush suddenly.  However, I still love you to pieces as my friend.  I read somewhere having bpd is like never feel sated, never feeling satisfied.  That's why I'm leaving.  I feel like you could be around me 24/7 and it still wouldn't be enough. You my friend have never had counseling and I know you do not want counseling.  I think you should get counseling, especially DBT.    I think it might be better if you don't seek the thrill of connection for a while and instead focus on your health, exercise, healthy eating, meditation and get Dialectical Behavior Therapy.  This would help you cope with your emotions.  Anyway, leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  Just know you are very lovable.  You are a good person.  You are loved.  You are smart.  You are kind.  I can see you beyond your mental illness and you will be okay.",1.225396825396821,3.4521441190476203,2.7050238095238117,92.50039285714287,82.67724867724868,5.8964021164021165,20.296560846560844,7.1686216300943375,0.4366008465608462,1439,41,312,20,40,468,156,378,0.083,0.66,0.257,0.9978,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,42,0,4,16,27,1,1,14,1,40,12,3,3,4,57,75,20,0,11,11,0,4,4,5,6,4,3,0,4,13,15,1,0,15,2,0,0,13,4,0,0,3,11,71,23,35,60,7,21,0,2,3,4,59,9,0,4,16,213,84,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286859171696668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060785711067071035,0.0,0.0,0.06415345524540536,0.05250486298334516,0.0,0.041624247663981234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039013290868168,0.0,0.0,0.4299957432919671,0.15245122657076446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451784904890223,0.0,0.0,0.04403642550278696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975428846925662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986982508750686,0.0,0.15361676201124244,0.06047783798233115,0.07055385425992933,0.0,0.0,0.0617652367608657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381023014594406,0.09756175726972498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637736232236911,0.0,0.1070240282841305,0.0,0.0,0.11454388343319345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061167516088963224,0.06741462072417616,0.0,0.07258087680541807,0.0,0.08091483746575638,0.04576817685784385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619519844109355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221098624527126,0.3002092684149134,0.0,0.0,0.2169032445060391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334371031250858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465097154920453,0.0,0.04557895600699202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376249678876128,0.07243671469725675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039067347971573,0.10126089947099526,0.1579905248865495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788612297064135,0.0,0.0,0.2384858328377905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830076397853505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290244300838572,0.0,0.0,0.16323642378896155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359096498442388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808674469796174,0.0,0.04536371660947703,0.08750506327407892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268007380566072,0.08054932262197333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616141423244254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884126926679374,0.0,0.0,0.048505776733639164,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,basiltofu,2019/03/09,"Sobbing on the subway Eight years of binging and purging,

Four years of substance abuse,

Countless ruined friendships,

Hundreds of promisuous nights,

Thousands of family fights,

A lifetime of emotional instability.




I don't know what to do anymore. 

Without my destructive coping mechanisms I feel unbelievably empty. 
 
I almost miss them...



",10.069230769230767,13.131691307692304,8.541538461538464,56.97846153846157,59.0,9.815384615384616,45.69230769230769,10.125756701596842,5.9478307692307695,276,17,29,6,4,84,44,52,0.264,0.616,0.12,-0.8335,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,0,1,5,0,8,5,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.3829940727587893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32368453145570825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320573525038078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636086413382198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047278950814823,0.0,0.16344306943428946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776477429551256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033448066362594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115979509182397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163201088383668
bpd,gforceJs,2019/03/09,"Is it normal to be aggressive all the time? I was not used to be like that before. Actually I used to be the kind of person that wouldn’t like to fight at all (I have never fought). But know for example if some stares at me I get aggressive, I almost react aggressive for everything. ",3.956578947368424,4.9202126842105285,5.7008333333333345,79.57125,71.28070175438597,9.910526315789477,24.77631578947368,10.125756701596842,2.3281263157894743,221,6,45,6,4,76,39,57,0.127,0.7879999999999999,0.086,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,0,7,0,0,3,3,14,12,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,6,3,9,6,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,4,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2847839913587918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29222559880422033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483258429792597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622779943760767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246913462732967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038960458919304,0.16038214068435766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851468025476528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250772933421873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859314470001111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548147070566369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016842481956346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040948573114149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gupperone,2019/03/09,How did you feel after being diagnosed? I recently realized that I may have bpd and I don't know how to feel about it. I really relate to a lot of these posts and feel like I have all of the symptoms. I've always pretty much thought I had a mental illness but nothing else ever seemed to fit as much as this. The only thing is that I don't know how to feel about it. Like I feel happy that I can research about it and try and help myself improve but also really sad that there is something that describes my personality so perfectly. Did anyone else experience similar feelings after being diagnosed or first reading about bpd and thinking they may have it? ,4.90527131782946,6.064593325581398,6.099224806201551,76.86341085271322,69.23255813953489,8.834108527131782,29.06201550387597,9.150863307647796,2.5237038759689927,525,19,95,10,9,176,76,129,0.045,0.7390000000000001,0.21600000000000005,0.9783,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,2,11,5,0,0,4,0,15,4,0,3,3,29,26,15,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,12,5,0,0,12,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,6,13,4,14,18,4,7,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,5,7,78,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332982666084865,0.11791864080003035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909076610165317,0.14520426731799255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35697139893907176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876764798148706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367702157828395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281897746448058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862494291220034,0.0,0.0,0.42993366083633705,0.20248314965225436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205431239392025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085877497037808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949889061386703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155766254946071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847006079719526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048144234443732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281588272150622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083543832209325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597983535272365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778101657291432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374050020166515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357242662490229,0.14417560161488935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175384085994333,0.0,0.18157314426732027,0.0,0.13992695031842206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901246021300258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909950828368928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729665666256422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414947491797147,0.09080556417854513,0.0,0.11250626979070766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621551569241557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,friendsturntoenemies,2019/03/09,"DAE struggle letting go of injustices? Oh my god it is my downfall. 
Every injustice I see, affects me. For so long as well. 
Even when I know there are two sides to a story, I struggle to rationalise in my head that that is  the case, especially if ta someone who I know has suffered. Please tell me it isn’t just me. ",1.8602083333333328,3.8423204375000033,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,79.0,6.766666666666668,27.854166666666664,7.793537801064563,1.7412791666666665,244,11,51,4,6,82,50,64,0.166,0.736,0.098,-0.6943,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,0,6,1,1,1,0,5,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,1,10,1,6,9,0,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045052612367564,0.0,0.21743220345504524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666517072243668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26485073830078937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836532599243499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638905376969872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283807808700121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832795821723305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056456328640629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865895514526396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395743924452994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255615443826435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252093526333644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320328260774339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CannaUlim,2019/03/09,"Breakup I think my boyfriend is on the verge of leaving me because I lash out so much. I don’t blame him, but I wish he had a little bit more patients because I’m just now getting better. I guess he used up all his patience. ",3.741875,3.7869477708333332,4.416666666666668,91.895,71.29166666666666,6.4,32.66666666666667,3.1291,1.2368666666666677,175,8,40,0,3,56,41,48,0.04,0.8,0.16,0.7628,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,1,4,8,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38377744661068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783998787830188,0.3436613793560065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644610637868454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34676883372495915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33330962123363544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315495144436356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140163783014764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017001605646555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27187134197865725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619847795687817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cluelessnumber7,2019/03/09,"I will not allow myself to believe that my SO loves me. I mean, for God’s sake, we just booked a week long vacation together yesterday; and yet, not ten minutes later I thought “he’s probably hoping we break up before then, I hope he bought refundable tickets because I’d hate for him to lose money over me.”


(Insert Nick Young’s wtf face)",3.9694029850746233,5.335076089552242,5.1345074626865665,82.11758208955227,71.68656716417911,8.345074626865673,28.32537313432836,8.841846274778883,2.2562262686567163,266,10,51,5,5,88,55,67,0.162,0.696,0.142,-0.1129,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,11,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,11,3,6,5,0,10,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,2,7,28,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643477864771687,0.0,0.2294127146283829,0.30375081241537033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661776323660405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355542002310499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23859060667159765,0.0,0.30161734587147265,0.0,0.0,0.24332767773537275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936772399799744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906781638122224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403505780604012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625965921245105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PunkyB88,2019/03/09,Being LGBT and BPD I seem to have noticed that a lot of people I meet with BPD are gay like me or Bi/Trans. Is it a coincidence or are people suffering with BPD more likely to be Gay?,1.9571666666666687,2.853621050000001,4.3599999999999985,87.55166666666668,76.0,7.333333333333335,20.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.5968333333333335,142,3,33,2,3,50,30,40,0.08,0.855,0.065,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,5,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8448485439316321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184791827213068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900965949242228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545699091732252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100319617758089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355690396846315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Unluckybastard96,2019/03/09,"22 years old, recently diagnosed. After reading and learning about this disorder, many of my problems from my life make sense...especially my reaction to FPs...my question now is, how do I avoid falling into these nasty cycles with people I like and cope with these emotions I can’t seem to control? I’m definitely trying to learn more and more about this topic, and it has helped somewhat, but I’d like to hear how people have improved with this certain FP topic.

Also, DBT isn’t really an option right now cus...I’m a broke college student.",5.836760961810466,7.1816214455445575,6.276746817538898,75.76029702970297,67.21782178217822,8.543705799151343,32.25035360678925,8.841846274778883,2.8589422913719935,430,18,72,7,7,139,74,101,0.121,0.7490000000000001,0.129,0.4286,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,4,1,22,10,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,13,10,3,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,4,8,46,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807716809794602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497546285665353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601557931931304,0.0,0.0,0.2552106474023201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25048510200876833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097661795185644,0.0,0.14925775415254952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157285515844435,0.21758046420478205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864067300193476,0.2257626356138151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336652701459949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30875663905951223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130747492867956,0.0,0.0,0.2494526363247808,0.0,0.22274032610045624,0.0,0.1426545521441904,0.0,0.2198697005674921,0.0,0.0,0.1901675594150017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271956854600195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118514751516826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433986614659129
bpd,What-the-gosh-dang,2019/03/09,"My boyfriend told me to stop texting him because he needed to get sleep So why the heck does it hurt so bad? I feel like an absolute disappointment to him. He told me he was going to get sleep, and I got so afraid that he was leaving me (???) and I couldnt stop texting him. Then he told me straight up to stop texting him because it was making too much noise and he was trying to get sleep. I feel absolutely gutted. I cant get out of bed because I feel so depressed and like a failure.",1.7153685368536848,3.452052000000002,3.1569636963696404,92.41672167216723,78.50495049504951,5.677007700770076,25.083608360836077,6.42735559955562,0.654325852585258,376,14,84,3,9,123,53,101,0.22699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.064,-0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,0,6,4,4,1,0,14,20,9,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,8,3,15,2,9,11,1,8,0,3,0,0,13,3,1,0,6,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696909600805745,0.2780948064116568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130974571441443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307433540717775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306680297227385,0.1086362698177281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177936803389367,0.0,0.08642284209565357,0.0,0.12162139527470275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627902312172827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101636579692122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485839282160123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015055058735086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178630435257822,0.11275531217118155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565286753624693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381402969940383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359178987222856,0.0,0.10324310681026333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721627771912412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,YorkshireLad1996,2019/03/09,My PWBPD smokes weed to help calm the voices. I was just wondering how many of you here smoke weed to help with BPD? I'm asking as recently my mother and brother have been having issues with my partner smoking to help calm her head and everything down and to be honest it's pissing me off.,4.578793103448277,5.576721189655178,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,69.86206896551724,7.868965517241381,26.568965517241374,8.07648339933343,1.5785379310344827,231,7,45,3,4,74,45,58,0.04,0.72,0.24,0.9062,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,5,2,2,1,0,8,8,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,3,10,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,1,1,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630250040181256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543514640273375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528599435771558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887470746823605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657505008518321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29365712187281584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28524553581228196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27779995736115715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051129242560256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Impressive_Mess,2019/03/09,I want to ask how best i can help myself? I think I have this disorder. But I live in a third world country and I can't get the help i need. How can i help myself?,-2.3844736842105263,-0.6617178684210536,0.7266315789473694,103.38942105263159,96.10526315789473,4.092631578947368,12.86315789473684,5.6839178017228535,-1.3382273684210526,123,2,34,1,5,43,26,38,0.08,0.563,0.35700000000000004,0.87,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,7,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,10,1,2,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002719020017073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33707201842183265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681147656387132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780997669720835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6458662726129695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836191192198738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381603849107649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580737145204656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944783011181365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tealbastard,2019/03/09,"Someone without BPD wanting to learn more about the disorder Hey all! I’m terrible with wording myself, but I’m a person without bpd (or any personality disorder) that has a profound interest in writing stories or plots involving characters that happen to have mental health issues (not all, but a fair few), along with creating characters themselves and fleshing them out to make them feel more ‘real’. (I say real, ironically I’m a fantasy writer). 

I’m not neurotypical (ASD, severe anxiety and a sleep disorder), but there’s only really so much that research from medical websites, forums, the DSM, talking to one person with BPD that I know, etc can do for me, so I figured it might be good to ask this community! Outside of wanting to depict a character or two with BPD correctly and respectfully, I am pretty curious to learn about the disorder from the perspective of people who live with it / know people who live with it. 

I hope none of this comes off as impolite, and any information, personal views, advice, etc will work! I highly appreciate anyone’s input. I should clarify that I do have a general idea of what the disorder is about and how it manifests, so I’m not jumping in blindly. Thanks! ",6.994990215264188,8.02876375342466,8.12989236790607,64.63695205479455,64.4337899543379,11.919243313763866,37.560665362035216,11.629938488055165,5.082540508806262,958,48,150,31,14,327,130,219,0.073,0.759,0.168,0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,1,8,6,0,0,12,0,12,5,2,2,3,48,28,16,0,4,11,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,14,14,0,0,8,1,0,2,6,1,0,2,0,4,12,5,31,24,9,7,0,0,2,0,15,5,0,5,0,111,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995937325289369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520708799940994,0.0,0.0704251835645475,0.0,0.0,0.06437006797912935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606310522478555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637823304896134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930101545799377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275401993787237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053411156932905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654799510810866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721505100735711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814078170802391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785482972484917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972658029739088,0.0,0.09143574906470836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392384903745383,0.0,0.09608608837054217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101186869515642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625802610131814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145035959069117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274015317275797,0.09277421540824424,0.09766046780518377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767424624572176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062381827121546427,0.07001531662941107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764478330889492,0.3215308438157192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365749849346926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095674868941268,0.058975604385183324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320932420019839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400091027375144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212587705815367,0.0,0.07800162483100412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399385283754814,0.0,0.08475592038114575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899286500767296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859803017751296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774839391506923,0.0,0.06702033442823645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maviskitty,2019/03/09,I need help. I just want distraction. I've been thinking of getting a rope and checking my ceiling in my bedroom. Send memes or pics of your pets i guess. I just want more and more distraction my cat is with me but i need more. It's strong tonight.,-0.32602941176470424,1.9245460784313728,0.7786029411764694,100.83496323529413,98.01960784313728,4.1186274509803935,22.061274509803926,5.985473137389443,0.16305686274509767,194,8,44,2,8,60,36,51,0.073,0.746,0.182,0.6616,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,9,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,1,4,8,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441880789923284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521055515017306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750847098240448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6086177571376561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629698907785889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4841330496692361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ComatoseValkyrie,2019/03/09,Devastated when I learn I'm not my crush's type All my self-esteem went out the window and I thought things were going so well ,0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,84.55555555555556,5.0814814814814815,16.407407407407412,6.42735559955562,-0.4783481481481484,102,2,23,1,3,33,24,27,0.15,0.748,0.10300000000000001,-0.3091,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789557375319867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120532675689651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260923490231803,0.0,0.0,0.3896722082396292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413241931348321,0.4550136857919946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,welcometomyBPDhell,2019/03/09,"He treats you like shit. (A letter to myself) He treats you like utter shit. 

Last week you had one of the most important days of you life. You were excited. He crushed you the night before. You blamed yourself. 

You know he should have had something fun planned. Instead of supporting you, he ignored you while he scrolled on his phone. He played video games while you panicked. He yelled at you when you asked for help.

You feel like nothing without him. Do you even like life aside from this? Do you feel joy from school, work and volunteering? Are these even your goals? Who are you?

He treats you like shit. He twists every fight into ""You're crazy."" He has never apologized. He has never accepted blame. 

He hates your friends. He forces you to go out with his. The formal is a month from now... we aren't going to the one you wanted to go to. The one celebrating your graduation. No, we're going to the one he wants to go to. You always compromise. You have to. 

You haven't seen my friends in months. That's your fault.

You hurt yourself. He calls you manipulative. He says you treat HIM like shit. 

And you think he's right. You think you're crazy. You think you're needy. You think you cause problems. 

You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better.

But how can you let go of the only thing that makes you feel something? ",0.8631230945121935,3.393439210937501,1.1802782012195117,97.72165777439024,96.34375,4.0600609756097565,17.181402439024392,5.950424286874398,-0.4156288871951221,1042,28,216,10,41,311,127,256,0.16,0.655,0.185,0.8027,0,0,2,0,1,0,49.0,1,40,0,6,6,31,6,0,9,0,17,6,4,4,2,29,38,7,0,4,2,0,3,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,9,3,0,6,6,10,0,4,4,6,47,21,24,32,1,24,0,1,1,0,75,6,4,1,18,122,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504824858717384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955540589943428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697455295915821,0.0,0.0,0.27119359211841404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436948306103548,0.0,0.0,0.10499948026961743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591803352055489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501961054074385,0.0,0.08611769085480754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504378533675006,0.07301999552192269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793687465752254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485352849506608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091280520464813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851028851329227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941964386703323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617282849542112,0.08331610519596734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451829758325873,0.14439016760832296,0.29961258218364506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682270442161717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631686659375284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766379153158908,0.0,0.0,0.0959186731826904,0.0,0.09807479768642682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770449322449249,0.07773653621072915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780270801620143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728815755913526,0.0,0.08128277576425498,0.0,0.10344360743376696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196750006381002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737498394311975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598852521917508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790485281079893,0.2619722935393091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057411309001892,0.0,0.08198798926018973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985283458449361,0.0,0.0744112703469124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,irrelevant_6,2019/03/09,"Everything and everyone is killing me. I feel like I’m going to die from boredom I’m a bit suicidal right now so I apologize if I’m not making sense. I’m 24, I’ve been diagnosed with BPD by several therapists and psychiatrists the last decade, but it’s not something I feel I should label myself with or make part of my identity or should define who I am. I’m here to chat with others and try to understand myself more.

I’m reaching a point where anything I do just won’t work anymore. I’m losing my god damn mind. Nothing excites me anymore, whether it be sex, music, video games, school, talking to people, etc. Therapists can’t really help me and all I do is get into arguments with them. I’ve tried several medications and none have come remotely close to helping me out. I’m finishing my last year of school but I lost all my motivation for academia recently to a point where I ruined my overall GPA so any grad school plans are pretty much over for me. Video games fucking blow, it’s all about micro transactions nowadays, they’re not interesting or fun to play at all anymore. Talking to people bores the shit out of me; mid conversation, I just want them to spit at my face or throw their hot coffee on me just so I can feel something in these conversations. Sex is okay I guess but I haven’t been really intimate lately. I like posting my pictures on mild/soft porn subreddits because I love the attention I get from guys but hate the compliments that come with it regarding my body so I had to stop doing that. I love playing music but I feel like it makes me more emotional and dramatic so I try to take a lot of breaks from it, and I would say it’s the only thing keeping me alive and I’m scared that it’s fading away.

Anyways, I’m bored and I miss the things that brought me pleasure in the past, even if they were small in size or short lived. For example, I use to hit myself a lot by punching myself or hitting my head against the wall until I went unconscious. The feeling of “resetting” my brain, having the running thoughts from taking over felt great. I don’t do it to that degree anymore and I miss it. I use to enjoy sleeping with escorts, mainly for the thrill or danger I was putting myself in during these situations rather than the sex itself. It got boring though and I’m not as horny as I use to so I stopped that. I don’t go to concerts anymore, mainly for financial reasons, but concerts haven’t felt mesmerizing to me during the last 3-4 years. It’s too many people on their phones or not enough people drinking and getting into fights, idk what it is. During times like these (3am, can’t sleep, running thoughts, etc.), I use to get in my car, drive on the freeway going over 100mph and hope that a cop would pull me over because that sounded more appealing than staying in my room and doing nothing productive. I never got pulled over (thankfully) and now that my car is broken idk what to do but type this and vent out a bit (recently discovered this subreddit so sorry if this isn’t the right place). 

The way I’ve been feeling lately, I’m concerned that I might start doing things I’ll regret or illegal stuff. My suicidal ideation has shifted recently: I feel like it’s more reoccurring but the urges/thoughts are weaker, whereas before they were part of weekly life rather than my daily life but I was more likely to act on suicide attempts or plans. I don’t know what to do. Therapy doesn’t help. I get along with my therapists at first, I like getting to know them and treat the sessions more like friendly conversations, but I use a lot of that information about them to use it against them later on. I guess I’m a bit manipulative. The more the therapy advances, the more I get into arguments with them and the more likely I’ll feel abandoned by them even though I’m purposely making the sessions difficult in order to prove to them that they don’t care about me or never had any intention of helping me. I guess it doesn’t really help that I study psychology so I know a bit about the clinical field and know how the relationship is going to end. It makes me feel like shit and I just feel like killing myself. I have no friends, no family, I always spent any saved up money on stupid purchases, I have no future, my music fucking blows, I hate my life, I can’t relate to anyone. I’m lost and bored. I wanna die.
",4.1803255662020895,5.573945979094081,5.088542211091756,82.54175059886762,71.20673635307782,8.308079268292682,28.435703397212553,8.797039729853344,2.1736656358885016,3452,129,674,63,64,1126,347,861,0.158,0.6890000000000001,0.153,-0.746,0,0,3,0,1,4,85.0,0,0,13,10,30,57,12,1,35,1,51,24,9,16,7,140,137,60,7,13,36,0,13,11,2,6,6,4,1,1,46,39,1,4,24,10,3,20,24,26,0,1,20,17,104,31,99,108,29,95,0,8,0,8,39,43,5,22,38,443,150,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399723039614987,0.0,0.0,0.09800452070807687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238208943192362,0.03358999218037148,0.0,0.03953201136524685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451342304709056,0.0,0.0,0.0585682682267915,0.0,0.04087765857089315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978462411554968,0.0533605095781743,0.06050345037538085,0.05362742169767954,0.0,0.0,0.048978971489852634,0.0,0.0,0.08276270548582254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048758583103219566,0.099713814292209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047059940353360634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054037419452214436,0.04254830339901476,0.0496371381182372,0.1071523875457569,0.06345862499174049,0.0,0.0,0.04590333193679517,0.043174363876656,0.0,0.04528690249138366,0.0,0.2428996645149245,0.17159538877969024,0.0922499646684544,0.0,0.0,0.040861956666695,0.0,0.0,0.0742296386511561,0.08882257979092377,0.17568879691233955,0.0,0.10920670390271016,0.0,0.07684236817448356,0.05296317721215869,0.15876115372848912,0.04756617176921432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485715203442836,0.049301882671868386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099767616827135,0.0,0.0,0.047713575463145017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042699278617204406,0.10629609216984393,0.0,0.1056039324640358,0.11747461248544712,0.10838018957114703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179411859567758,0.2581637667471484,0.0,0.04241932522027285,0.0,0.0,0.053743363368351234,0.10488050658924328,0.12252314313761302,0.08671416270390347,0.0,0.1603320582791352,0.04870401528660223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483942477874874,0.0,0.050961797196969714,0.04850570488838312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035314199185611524,0.0,0.07410129077923748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218944985248198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036535831201089886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404313114660577,0.04585866998829603,0.1332168011567474,0.0,0.05019054000987827,0.0,0.09082478250779698,0.0,0.046008091584582834,0.048872942670323063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829247268799852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232505816709492,0.04939210232142275,0.14229817828426125,0.05157591776065385,0.0,0.08205010271591033,0.0,0.038202548243575836,0.04809542866082571,0.14585412590754024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854081322329767,0.0986227051657252,0.0,0.05399785907248443,0.09614740475329547,0.0,0.0,0.07396555247886731,0.0,0.05377573776398732,0.03400225795213378,0.05120319199097753,0.0,0.08032552543572746,0.0,0.0,0.054993172277405314,0.15764063698452582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223871274790554,0.07722387178508673,0.0,0.04422786540734956,0.10987358727410043,0.16733097678847006,0.09574494932362768,0.0,0.09439616522147576,0.11441282183556313,0.028011932571600253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978460016069468,0.0,0.0,0.0500103027417179,0.0,0.2489416794156237,0.0,0.0,0.028334652261429432,0.038131129454260025,0.038533995494818896,0.0,0.0,0.044532642790927855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03497297082395893,0.0,0.0,0.06825106762813543,0.0,0.0,0.061871093780646334
bpd,throwaway77539,2019/03/09,DAE get the urge to impulsively leave their FP and try to find another one? Like as if it would magically solve my unhappiness if I could find someone just as attached to me. Even though it’s stupid and destructive. I realize how dumb it is and yet my brain keeps making escape plans over and over. ,5.147241379310344,6.286358379310348,5.73051724137931,79.80370689655173,68.65517241379311,9.937931034482759,28.29310344827586,10.125756701596842,2.6338827586206897,238,8,48,6,4,77,45,58,0.22399999999999998,0.688,0.08800000000000001,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,3,0,1,0,3,1,1,2,0,15,6,10,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,1,7,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938095423399621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127909825014983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371340593916475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850665669819021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.512187448100964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639064882705266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24905074471179545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966867086298991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368894285979245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703275469157304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898678062577807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740884284054375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275290777826792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902344360876628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904293199596826,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,at_tj,2019/03/09,"OMG! It feels like home here!! After years of misdiagnosis and trying to find the main reason that I am how I am I just realized that it could be BPD. but the unfortunate thing is that I also realized that there isn't a cure for it. Through the last 10-15 years, I thought it’s just a super sensitive personality at first and then anxiety, depression, love addiction, sex addiction, PMDD, ... 
I may have also those but I could relate the most with BPD symptoms!",4.123896103896101,5.899598272727275,5.5378571428571455,77.75000000000003,71.95454545454545,9.574025974025977,27.34415584415585,9.957137785484203,2.740692857142857,360,13,70,10,7,121,61,88,0.115,0.738,0.146,0.6083,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,6,0,9,5,0,2,0,18,12,8,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,10,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,7,3,7,7,2,7,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,7,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071677283585313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986860527939548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286239594674358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704073995830157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982075985870879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084655234899978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442585409190664,0.13341345016768816,0.0,0.0,0.17068510968691328,0.15884851738369035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873243714401412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222527705292538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123607859523276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854817176327436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306193464228208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200897030504646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410361007587476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406766984664935,0.0,0.0,0.14825776509357005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679024333860753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240520335238216
bpd,windblowngirl,2019/03/09,"Needing motivation So after a rough go of it with my boyfriend last night I'm doing a lot of over thinking and my insomnia is in high gear. I'm Anticipating a break up at some point tomorrow so I've made a list of things to do to keep my mind occupied  since I have the weekends completely off. Other than the basics of house hold chores, errands, getting stoned and catching up on TV I want to take my dog on a hike. I'm sure many of you have these nights where your mind goes wild with ideas and you're so set to do something but then you wake up in the morning completely defeated and dead to the world with depression. 

I guess I'm just posting this with hopes that anyone would send a comment or message encouraging me to do this so that I don't spend all day in bed obsessing and crying instead. 

Hope everyone's weekend is starting off better than mine. 🙃 ",5.048401253918495,5.510217298850577,5.702079414838035,82.35540752351098,68.54022988505747,9.0858934169279,31.33542319749216,9.095868883498916,2.4670413793103454,686,27,141,12,11,223,115,174,0.124,0.7659999999999999,0.11,-0.774,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,3,7,8,0,1,10,0,10,2,1,2,2,30,26,12,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,8,9,0,2,3,3,1,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,13,5,30,24,3,32,0,2,0,0,7,16,0,6,10,89,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430280208686065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457691382502727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34279270057956895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956534002318186,0.10542534332067008,0.0,0.14079742883952545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562036524844746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540690876239483,0.0,0.09290439988583993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180081859265941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271620453703695,0.0,0.3247273975971518,0.0,0.1886237146745569,0.0,0.18453898716534392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530063498752674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325077411004632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897729325564248,0.0,0.1546803183126176,0.0,0.16573404930391866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33011844457530964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121175787773593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068131287015725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453303894541226,0.0,0.15656013727385665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522499273616848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258480481453892,0.0,0.0,0.11570569413470308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540695880326309,0.0,0.12290993165307287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086029427514054,0.10474568760562646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641949698132883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612518742821312,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachgir1,2019/03/09,"Does anyone else feel extreme emptiness after waking up from a nap? I’ve noticed that whenever I take a nap during the day, I’ll wake up feeling really disoriented and groggy. This can sometimes turn into a weird feeling of detachment from reality, like I’m floating in some sort of half awake dream state. 
I usually struggle to return to a normal and steady mood after this and can become extremely depressed and lonely and feel like I’m not real, especially if I’ve wasted a good chunk of the day sleeping. 
Even if I was feeling fine before I slept, I can wake up with a literal existential crisis. 

Not sure why this keeps happening, does anyone relate?",7.535958188153309,7.707899390243902,8.243344947735192,67.25853658536586,63.22764227642278,10.605807200929151,34.64459930313589,10.290406445055957,3.774650174216029,527,21,84,11,7,177,80,123,0.196,0.6809999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.9142,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,1,8,0,4,5,5,0,1,22,16,7,0,3,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,5,5,5,15,14,1,12,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,4,8,48,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420381198151773,0.17733724964207828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911493124147481,0.1472752891667438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232399504853239,0.0,0.14907047040383686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029206900164589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458314359362948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143153457477779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375632017658263,0.1236458319078158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145168292919259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305091017417827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538382780572928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911279670431004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169578147942999,0.0,0.1970486558985458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196998861795098,0.11087718910737873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732014177514101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117700891626758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809370573144391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631224813709251,0.0,0.13013193124222372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882574491960413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906192290136924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617455236949154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamrihyonce,2019/03/09,"I’m in crisis. I’m internally screaming right now. My mom and little sister are here with me, and I’m breaking down inside. My mind is crumbling. They don’t know how unstable I am. 

Nobody does but my ex. I loved him. 
I loved him so much. 
We’ve become friends, as good of friends as we possibly can. 

He’s a good person to me. Having experienced my borderline. 

All my emotions are swelling right now. I know he’s talking to someone new, we discussed it the other day. It went well. Nothing phasing. 

But now. Tonight. While I find myself stressed about other things in life, he being my person I can’t help but unhealthily be codependent of. Haven’t heard from him. Because he’s outside of my boundaries. He has his. He is his own person. He’s probably out with friends. 

And it’s always terrified me to not allow my fears just ruin my relationship. 

I’m wanting to cry so hard right now. 
And all I can do is run into a bathroom and cry in silence. 

People don’t know how hard this disorder is. 
All I ever wanted to do was love him. And I did. 
He hurt me. And I hurt him. 

It’s in the past now. And I’m just now realizing, with us being friends, healthy boundaries have developed. With him possibly dating someone new now, I’m going to have to set and respect firmer boundaries. 

And that epiphany scares me. Because he is my... person. He calmed and braved the storms. It’s feels so difficult to say. But so true. And I’m already foretelling.... if I don’t respect his new life, down the line... I’m going to lose the relationship completely. 

So I’m pre-grieving and beating myself up all at the same time tonight for not being able to cope alone, without being a complete mess. Especially not voicing needing help, makes things worse. I go at it alone. The feelings start. They swell. They stay inside. As do the negative thoughts. 

I’m just. 
I just want someone to be nice to me right now. 
And tell me I’m okay. 

just give me the security I lacked growing up. ",0.5752360817477111,3.0730804160206735,2.2776960300681246,91.26518393234673,92.38501291989664,4.881728917077755,23.31543340380549,6.574015621080383,0.8357435658914731,1519,63,305,20,55,496,179,387,0.165,0.636,0.198,0.9551,0,2,0,0,0,0,72.0,3,0,3,2,24,28,0,3,12,1,30,5,0,4,6,61,62,30,0,6,14,3,4,0,4,0,2,4,0,4,12,22,0,1,8,0,0,6,10,10,1,0,5,9,49,18,38,51,8,46,0,4,0,3,49,17,0,1,20,196,61,0,0.08461191732785556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526485746504972,0.09337135477989847,0.0,0.07040389333615141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315727892727483,0.09344721506788604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742797101832666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588443623019188,0.054567686907192735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697258769046417,0.0,0.07404445904325532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517701854111332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653632334673137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521193050709363,0.08556465540924264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733375956353303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614838297542614,0.0,0.0,0.08116746102232539,0.14426070749946093,0.14193692373875594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159131690295707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342716928438205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811576149695353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950149091175915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952779896067695,0.0,0.08480336951076148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465909259961408,0.0,0.0,0.2290966765745969,0.0,0.0564791118386493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543391635483108,0.09909645495137036,0.0,0.0,0.06219949480795904,0.06273866458489334,0.0,0.2451561510164164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118741667210705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077164912744522,0.05865924984119481,0.2955194503075654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907744472259326,0.0,0.0,0.09122595766329693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168306816803487,0.0,0.2890324603453071,0.0,0.06728679273280119,0.0847112899135048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507420892752635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988875057980465,0.09018504589766717,0.0,0.0,0.09692266542523073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068007854105666,0.07395454516576494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242479636481396,0.0,0.0,0.06717241111543762,0.04933788942488735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177771855480996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497189031774658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760762751605104,0.07843609505344773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156286892074173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622677235541179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idcaro,2019/03/09,"DAE ever wonder what would happen if you were in a terrible car accident while driving? Every time I drive I always wonder what would happen if I would just crash my car. I do not drive recklessly though.  I feel like I just want a break from life sometimes, does anyone else has these thoughts? ",3.851071428571432,6.1268519642857155,3.949428571428573,86.69557142857144,74.0,6.622857142857143,21.91428571428571,7.554174236665415,0.9129971428571428,234,6,43,3,5,72,41,56,0.165,0.767,0.068,-0.755,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,13,4,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,2,1,8,1,2,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595879336704814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786374332987398,0.2166745435299633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850575735429809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665485792469102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128543134028436,0.1781713935571116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692486457241587,0.15107319100798586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740019219398879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936650717965486,0.10331286321666117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091478262159545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776679956759528,0.16788242591917166,0.1233090256675085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472964348510605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586572941636601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506636213949639,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayy358,2019/03/09,"Any of you know how to leave your partner safely without spiraling? There’s so many resources on how someone should leave someone with bpd, but none for the inverse. I tried to leave my fp and lost motivation to live, lashed out, pushed everyone away, and so on. 

It’s clear to me that my fp will never be what I want in my relationship but even the thought of finding someone else makes gives me a panic attack and renders me mute. He had just joked about breaking up and I was sent over the edge. 

I’m not happy and I don’t know how to leave or stop having my world revolve around him. ",4.385847457627119,5.2143902542372915,4.662500000000001,87.90612288135594,70.1864406779661,7.255932203389831,28.309322033898304,7.1686216300943375,1.3177254237288136,462,16,97,4,8,145,85,118,0.18600000000000005,0.723,0.091,-0.8603,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,11,6,1,1,4,0,7,0,0,5,2,29,16,13,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,5,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,5,0,14,3,19,8,1,14,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,1,2,66,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011507478480209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241333844377978,0.0,0.1692173170061065,0.13974950745208187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733735572519444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425619047091101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824374420096507,0.0,0.0,0.14213088296058926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359489546242487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268841367299828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834032684347624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349118388498146,0.0,0.0,0.6299919771746227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134332288669814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162371208994244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928750724012536,0.15080266299497103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472023317908753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451856464257026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969495941858775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780899058232551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435630892952447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808580265946672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098713982757802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773282841087354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338352135615326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FVLF,2019/03/09,"Rushing relationships Hi everyone,first post here.
Just want to know if any of you guys also tend to rush relationships.
As soon as i feel that someone have feelings towards me,i feel an urge to take the next step rapidly.I get a feeling that if i gave enough time to the other person they might realize am not worthy of their love.Any advices on how to stop this feeling?",3.8159360730593583,5.689498287671236,4.5111643835616455,84.38994292237444,72.97260273972603,7.0584474885844735,28.605022831050228,7.793537801064563,1.7983077625570782,297,12,57,4,6,95,57,73,0.066,0.873,0.062,-0.3195,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,15,14,6,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,11,12,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,3,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194607409031858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926045630813646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708581230272771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577553922025488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5034819828141279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939717891581108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404783391211822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971901486572036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944781956809804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974095873461232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126704107839767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179864771155574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389039678750592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907309771115512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276258741064976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687394382569075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649860302496147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973627239415546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612616577112142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746403134333484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lcyTask,2019/03/09,Anyone else want to run away to the Himalayas and become a monk? Is this a normal urge at 11 PM? ,0.4171428571428599,2.100834761904768,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,82.33333333333333,4.2,15.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.1489238095238097,74,1,17,0,2,25,19,21,0.0,0.9159999999999999,0.084,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942448969038457,0.4311765500243556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953712439238548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647591029683058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515384453756918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123111243529331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24820865657547225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ummmmyeahh,2019/03/09,I either want to die or I feel really good. There is no in between. Can anyone relate? ,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,2.483333333333338,87.94500000000002,102.33333333333334,4.622222222222223,11.555555555555555,6.42735559955562,-0.4379111111111116,66,1,13,1,3,24,17,18,0.27,0.531,0.19899999999999998,-0.3832,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858760535070753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5727475751199994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27903895731176404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46287723610494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535381301869633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255036123088136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HRMCaptainChuddles,2019/03/09,"Feeling Lost I am in my second out of 3 years of schooling to be in my hosen field. After I am done with college I planned on working while I went to Uni part time.

My last year of school is supposed to be unpaid placements to pave our way to future employment. To start over 1000 hours of unpaid work is ridiculous in this age of student debt and finacial crisis for a lot of people in my program. Its human services, we arent in it for the money but for god's sake give us a living wage.

Anyway. A month ago I submitted my choices for placement. My choices would set me up to get my placement of choice for my last semester if I did well. I had 3 choices that would have worked well.

I have been busting my ass off for so fucking love. Ive wanted to quit so many times, but I held out.

But this. This fucking takes the cake. I didn't get a single one of my placements. They tossed me somewhere random. 

I seethed when I read the names of who gets what I wanted. Who gets the stepping stone to work where I want to end up. The people who are obviously so much better than me.

Im seriously considering taking a break from this. My throat hurts and I am so hurt and im just... tired.

I am always so tired. Im just done.",1.2226877470355717,3.2378410395256907,2.8619383399209504,92.56873359683794,81.29249011857708,5.154719367588934,21.977707509881427,6.152001189255117,0.2407794150197633,945,30,205,7,25,311,145,253,0.125,0.8009999999999999,0.073,-0.9257,4,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,3,0,1,8,12,11,3,0,10,0,21,7,2,0,1,24,39,14,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,1,1,3,2,2,7,2,2,9,1,35,4,41,26,4,34,0,3,0,4,11,13,3,3,16,143,46,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832934496458942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922994484378735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810517123410106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270319419738851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824765015994633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608759775785378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509888875627105,0.23181735415518465,0.10641047715490956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923991992275488,0.0,0.23749748983587665,0.0,0.35945785260232593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808392455653547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794982857903704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210890035184872,0.09430545162277823,0.10011518721852312,0.0,0.0,0.11246171228941587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854019993686718,0.0,0.08154348846132753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516643453422918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012221797160814,0.0,0.1538044602241216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798362176259287,0.11095617483846963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22452638517944756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851410460720856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680532973320436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293638679685787,0.2549865983334411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343050846664442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962813635607228,0.08804801995730133,0.0,0.0,0.19947187303965225,0.1028296585316313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230222526471775,0.0,0.0,0.15759751810755296,0.0,0.0,0.14286561604510248
bpd,volthicc,2019/03/09,"I get so jealous over the most ordinary things First off, I'm sorry if I shouldn't post here because I'm not diagnosed so there's no way of telling if I even have BPD, but I strongly relate to most of the stuff people say on here so I thought you guys might understand.
Today, my friend who I used to be in a relationship with, told me that a female friend of his was offering to accompany him to a concert he didn't want to go to on his own. He'd already asked me to go with him weeks prior, but I can't because it's a weekday and I have to go to school. The concert is in Berlin (I'm German) which is about 7 hours from the town I live in. 
I instantly got incredibly jealous. It sounds idiotic to even admit to this because I know it doesn't make any sense, but I immediately felt like he was going to replace me or something? I'm aware of how irrational the whole thing must sound and I didn't let him know how I felt about the situation because I didn't want to start another completely pointless fight with me being in the wrong.
And this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I tend to get jealous as soon as one of my friends mentions taking part in an activity that doesn't involve me and it's the thing I hate the most about myself. I never let people know how jealous I am because I grew up thinking jealousy was one of the worst things possible? It's really hard to explain. It usually ends in me distancing myself from a person in an extreme attempt to not seem clingy or overly attached.
Also I'm sorry for my shitty English, I'm not a native speaker and have no idea how to use commas.",5.409773085408133,5.0496479760479085,6.492735581468638,79.82290734320834,67.74251497005989,9.307028049164828,32.54900724866057,8.841846274778883,2.5218946107784426,1280,50,264,19,19,431,169,334,0.18,0.7509999999999999,0.069,-0.9895,0,0,2,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,0,4,17,15,7,0,19,0,25,1,0,7,2,46,61,22,0,6,10,0,3,2,3,3,1,6,0,2,18,8,0,0,12,2,0,5,14,9,0,4,11,9,38,6,47,42,7,33,0,0,0,0,26,14,0,9,14,189,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055912313384254,0.08011970867553922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813076645768758,0.10505506848536043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366155568957706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053660924690804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618233580330065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504442685577337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016879511540562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873616750855266,0.0,0.0,0.13234546920288956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239094543232915,0.0,0.0,0.1704384495663359,0.0,0.0,0.23221326550946025,0.0,0.10468740746580306,0.0,0.227754894941174,0.0,0.08012889715178093,0.0,0.0,0.09920113021360394,0.08859525545950013,0.0,0.0897480983916468,0.09891416883741347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866426135490744,0.0,0.0,0.1130992118942677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518087959015226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489650471580168,0.0,0.09789286067255693,0.0,0.08846717842180908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687576821583825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062828411793244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727058455800433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577894870750282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084930299918058,0.0,0.13891445061323426,0.08747964344101355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294607244032087,0.0959516924402892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418251863004489,0.0,0.0,0.10756361387426536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967292346312466,0.0,0.1013948470672724,0.0,0.0912067108221496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261466815314075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542580815285667,0.0,0.22430285077978812,0.0709130521378069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469043315949302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532834452746708,0.0,0.08756807357634461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662398319890407,0.06419594525521649,0.0,0.07953748651516394,0.058419991923094175,0.0,0.09496579965357972,0.09573321205654632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429846190636284,0.0,0.17305923542415333,0.11034210296914823,0.0,0.11818607316901915,0.07952397675677647,0.08036416979863037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118554881940302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095390316487259,0.0,0.0
bpd,greasygrace00,2019/03/09,"DAE delete and re-download dating apps constantly? I’m not sure if this is because I struggle with bpd or if it’s just a natural character flaw of mine but I have a really bad habit of downloading tinder, matching with a bunch of hot guys that are all so diverse and interesting and then...I permanently delete my account and disappear. I’ll do this after having good hearted and fun conversations with a handful of people, even setting up dates with some of them. Then give or take a couple weeks, maybe a month, I’ll lose interest and tell myself everyone is on here to hookup so who even cares. They are disposable to me because I am to them. THEN in a couple months I find myself wanting to see the local cuties and the vicious cycle continues. This has gone on for about 1 1/2 years.  
Side note: I don’t go on to those apps looking for hookups, I usually have the mindset that I need to get a fucking life and find someone to share myself with (since everyone in the real face to face world of mine got tired of me cancelling and being emotionally unstable) then I get scared that it’s all fake and there’s not way someone would actually want this. ",5.801580952380951,6.321869097777778,6.306301587301589,78.4745,66.91111111111111,9.62857142857143,32.07142857142857,9.606745405546679,2.8920095238095254,917,36,175,18,14,298,138,225,0.13,0.742,0.128,0.10800000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,1,8,14,2,2,12,0,13,7,4,0,3,34,28,20,0,6,8,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,15,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,7,0,0,2,4,19,7,30,24,4,27,0,1,2,1,9,9,1,5,13,116,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.13517087626156174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565442514193408,0.1688751881715456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445507399340007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412255010643116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968574726827544,0.0,0.0,0.3065289185580064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581098186070394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297599640628476,0.0,0.0,0.2647144623948828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532008082049497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805509135075302,0.14473697367667662,0.1328764232256965,0.0787213931260144,0.11617999696255632,0.11078327717291972,0.0,0.0,0.13715184777226566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414120578477104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783739815125153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631790108971266,0.15496310334220145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391571588799754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112305844041866,0.0,0.0,0.10270728248730517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602901470401527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766064823612147,0.08873639852523932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867790206528086,0.0,0.11037869883898338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458122356666595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23472699733312516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448061856103606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054895810298867,0.0,0.10414620901316246,0.0,0.12106840991622456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592028720429047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255494848405396,0.0,0.16339973426891746,0.10994693639987266,0.11110855651375172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839723998649696,0.0,0.0,0.08919926199735602
bpd,YOUR_PROBLEM,2019/03/09,"I honestly don't know what to do from here. I'm not sure if there is any point in writing this,  but maybe someone can learn from me? Because I can't seem to. 

I seem to do the same mistakes over and over and lose people I love. 

My on/off boyfriend is done,  he still wants to be friends but can't handle how I treat him and that our relationship doesn't seem like everyone else's, like what are we missing?? 
What's hard is were not missing anything,  it's just because I'm in the relationship with him. 
I'm the problem.

And it's not like I'm not trying,  I've been in therapy for over two years and thought I was making progress, but he still says he can't do it. 

We currently live together because I couldn't handle being long distance - this is the third time,  so like I get his perspective and he does deserve better.... But I love him so much. 

He says we need to be like roommates ATM and that he just wants to be alone,  but like how can I move on when we still share a bed?? 

My birthdays coming up and it's like every year is worse than the one before. I feel weak that I can't just end it all now. I can't stop crying,  I can't eat, I've pushed everyone away and am just so damn sad all the time...

He says he doesn't know who he is but neither do I,  so like why can't we work it out together? 

Sorry if I wasted your time with this. Please learn from me and treat those you love, like you love them. Don't be blind like I have been. ",1.1963969795037777,2.7166658996763786,2.582718446601941,96.9295685005394,79.32362459546924,5.872276159654801,20.829557713052854,6.605766666666668,0.014109816612729363,1109,29,271,10,27,359,142,309,0.21899999999999997,0.6459999999999999,0.134,-0.9724,1,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,6,3,1,4,18,29,1,0,7,0,37,7,0,3,3,59,60,25,0,8,16,0,2,10,1,0,2,3,1,0,17,19,1,1,9,0,1,3,17,8,0,3,6,6,35,21,23,48,5,28,0,4,1,4,36,11,1,5,24,166,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966693237037523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544079888891709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919042060722918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041277110217474,0.0,0.0,0.17598570000389635,0.0,0.08188601753042933,0.0,0.0,0.08510904428477517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289501636357728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570591162666086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421293576593675,0.09847835420115683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846896754696892,0.08038916710262325,0.0,0.0852326488313742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081079287022358,0.18390686624884145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865759655022709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743483079066825,0.0,0.05027704761274352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620462623384735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577275909816586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701390679284463,0.0,0.0849742800848574,0.08516195203981547,0.0,0.10765856335173377,0.0,0.0,0.347411162750127,0.0,0.06423535101535159,0.0,0.09667759280764984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227897857794413,0.07074131040482627,0.07135452401160512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520903358128655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671488593182645,0.0,0.0,0.10563341669520797,0.09096998204694867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208066026966387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663348408629784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22958173079472735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628169473451637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153673606079803,0.0,0.0,0.1077234156554438,0.0,0.0,0.2305520788388074,0.08045394004849447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069715934506516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004923970944508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763971540288094,0.1683402877129965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533495054088012,0.0,0.0940043059551196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351980093351688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683406568400012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005776265329093,0.0,0.09806823813012626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394001141631796
bpd,sparklebrand,2019/03/09,biggest trigger is being ignored It seems to be the thing to set me off. Even if it is unintentional my brain automatically perceives it as abandonment. I struggle so much with this and often in times of high stress lose sleep over it. Any tips to overcome this? ,3.655714285714288,6.379447224489797,4.607510204081635,79.48391836734696,76.75510204081633,6.3689795918367365,28.16734693877552,7.554174236665415,1.7945804081632653,210,9,38,3,5,68,42,49,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,1,0,4,2,2,1,0,9,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,3,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,3,1,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142988321905648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35178868566998345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081400296113314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33295156564114714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525492474618576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316564049457524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868820157669572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31535703263359843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609797201647991,0.3294417229888541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093580038957046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837545164485476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,halleyprob,2019/03/09,My emotions are unbearable. My emotions are so intense they hurt. My boyfriend told me the other day I feel too much and even that sent me spiraling into tears because I was so hurt by his words. Every emotions feels amplified by 10 and I always know I'm over reacting with everything but I can not help it. Last week I cried and screamed and tried to pull my hair out because the lady at the nail salon cut my nails too short. Just a few months ago a man didn't yield to me and I jumped out of my car and screamed at his driver side window till the light turned green and he sped away. And only yesterday I laughed for 20 minutes at a joke my boyfriend told which sent me into a panic attack because I could not stop giggling. I can''t help but feel I am insane and need to be put away. I'm horrified of every emotion I have...,4.422942442173209,4.957792284023668,4.855072619688006,87.61842388380852,69.94674556213019,7.802259279182357,28.38138784292631,7.686295010490155,1.513504142011835,652,22,138,7,11,207,106,169,0.23199999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,6,10,2,1,8,0,9,1,1,1,0,29,21,14,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,14,0,2,4,1,0,6,3,7,0,0,6,8,25,3,20,13,2,27,0,2,1,0,11,12,0,0,9,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718944537135632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000298206412096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039930818109093,0.24841700141933876,0.0,0.0,0.24176805640790536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555285395583112,0.0,0.14521812172374107,0.08525960709974313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948395957880087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731843420264132,0.0,0.2227724370548312,0.0,0.11881498699019585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005365074634124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722495556885576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28305079344298195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265497818146295,0.10776259567685667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552268935999808,0.0,0.09718397076549126,0.09802639979165942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054587767025863,0.0,0.1551110243997804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289992020591992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052712075726603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25265010516233183,0.0,0.08975674732336482,0.14379824146314285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060447858937114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Happyorangetrees33,2019/03/09,"I don’t want to talk to people or socialize I don’t know what to do. I’m so lonely and so scared that I’ll always be this way. I push away everyone who gets semi close just so I can’t feel the hurt, rejection and loneliness after losing someone i love. Then I feel guilt for ghosting people. Then meeting new people gives me the relentless thoughts of not being good enough. No one really knows me, and I don’t even know if I do. I’m so confused. I don’t even know if my feelings are real because I only feel anger and emptiness right now. If someone asks me what I want to do I don’t know. If someone asks me what I enjoy I don’t know. I just know my favorite color is orange and the one person who makes my heart warm to think about will never be in my life again. Then when I think of him I can feel my heart shatter so I try not to. I cant stop drinking just to feel normal. I don’t drink for fun anymore. I’m sorry for ranting, but I just needed to put my thoughts somewhere in this sea of bpd posts. I feel less alone already. 
Thank you ",0.7556858766233745,2.63401163839286,2.6568019480519496,94.14956168831169,82.16964285714286,5.1441558441558435,20.44967532467533,6.1124844417494595,0.0059714285714287385,813,23,183,6,22,271,115,224,0.134,0.787,0.079,-0.8176,0,3,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,16,14,1,3,3,0,19,6,2,1,1,45,50,20,1,8,12,0,8,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,6,2,1,18,2,0,2,13,8,0,2,2,9,34,6,19,44,2,19,0,4,1,1,12,5,0,6,10,119,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089530827862888,0.11608826885596138,0.0,0.08753290682543591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432784284601844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966912824588232,0.0,0.0988366943835129,0.0,0.0,0.06412753653830994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249281025749085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610737765473755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869733679024204,0.0,0.1389641666395462,0.0,0.0,0.10052090270480113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723377968324182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054961452113776996,0.1009152117341241,0.0,0.0882348328479009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493195426840973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261630486920847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046973019602772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430424081463377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768930864577196,0.0,0.0,0.09494502408114236,0.0,0.07022027617920529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800275554706909,0.08113494518193308,0.10160058631105776,0.0,0.0,0.1030714024220786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256935706205387,0.08000758503676075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879250169945014,0.09185456685388116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007503094584798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575273610047847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973800402395696,0.06739233513599271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983825404418774,0.0,0.0,0.10532124142137167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723579897704223,0.2674009887595318,0.0,0.0,0.117760203357257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794998082224746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455391988630773,0.0,0.0968519008941384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481286647377444,0.0,0.1670304332555508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142232740409363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409664845537903,0.08350103123610977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lillywildfire,2019/03/09,"DAE have a hard time feeling like they deserve good things? Some backstory first: 
After years of supporting my FP emotionally, financially and any way in between I finally decided that I need to leave him and look for happiness myself not just live through making him happy. Being the fuck-up that I am, I thought it’d be easier for him to hate me so -long story, short- I took some nudes & left them on my cell knowing he would find them and think the worst. Now he’s mad at me but shockingly still wanting to be together. When we talked about why he admitted that he stopped liking me as a person when I stopped trying to support him fully.  Now, to me, that seems like solid proof that he doesn’t really care for who I am, just what I can do for him.

I think that fact should matter. But in my head I feel like being miserable is what I deserve; I deserve to be called stupid, and a bitch and a cunt cus it’s what I am. My friends keep telling me I’m wrong but I don’t really believe them....",3.9714144271570038,4.852967584158421,4.874766619519097,85.81178217821783,71.17821782178217,8.543705799151343,27.299858557284303,8.841846274778883,1.860724469589816,780,26,166,14,14,254,125,202,0.17,0.6509999999999999,0.179,-0.2525,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,4,1,9,20,5,1,6,0,17,2,2,1,2,35,36,12,0,4,6,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,3,10,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,2,4,34,11,20,26,3,21,0,1,1,1,23,6,2,3,17,110,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750806654751975,0.0,0.09258014046979443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338361076929852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901456983408564,0.0,0.13880421110685293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313962603050368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767335362727426,0.19451745795906086,0.0,0.14913515373648922,0.12442985923095093,0.11580095471335253,0.0,0.0,0.10518173534794537,0.12585960608532745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418810840289093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28984797469273504,0.1219550577220617,0.13441045978996782,0.13971932693133618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100784281516982,0.0,0.0,0.07481920347433559,0.0,0.0,0.14415302650382547,0.14791694296788555,0.0,0.0,0.26604529093867885,0.0,0.12021446742924895,0.12047996993299667,0.11432364818454548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908747741637818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100946381589307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887254612123516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443005265954356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393710710632633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872189931916608,0.2276389407678668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089810252217923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942449663287092,0.11899271025230795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044563244238472,0.17446654245436172,0.0,0.10808027058907957,0.07938456206629156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512569936819983,0.09243039512597014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029913521049628,0.10806191272530886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284553573733305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671023411839624,0.1488481557485843,0.0,0.08766995407733262
bpd,coorvelis1,2019/03/09,"Does anyone ever feel like they have to coerce, beg, or manipulate in order to get people to spend time with you? Hey, so does any one ever feel like they have to beg other people for time with you because they can never gauge how much you need something when you say you need it. Like in my experience with relationships, I’ve always been the person to need less space and want more time together, which often makes partners less attuned to my needs.  Like I jump at an opportunity to see my FP even if it’s last minute, but couldn’t expect them to come do the same if I ever decided I really wanted or needed to see them last minute. Makes me wonder, how could I ever rely on this person if they can’t ever put my needs first, as I have done for them? I know I shouldn’t expect people to not have boundaries, like me. 
I also constantly feel like people are trying to manipulate me into doing things for them. Like they won’t spend time with me unless they know they can get something out of it. Maybe it’s an insecurity thing, because I don’t think anyone could possibly like caring/ being around someone who’s mental illness make them so hard to be around. Im generally a very caring, naturally nurturing, and giving person and like to bring my favorite person loads of snacks whenever I come over because I know they sometimes can’t afford to spend on indulgences. So on days when I know they’re feeling shitty I’ll offer send money for weed or food hoping I can use that to get to see them that I’ll catch them at a good moment to ask if I can also see them. ",8.462280219780219,6.2778915833333375,8.645659340659343,72.77076923076923,62.653846153846146,10.965567765567766,31.580586080586077,9.23628265651192,2.5441201465201466,1242,29,239,16,14,411,155,312,0.044000000000000004,0.7959999999999999,0.159,0.9868,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,5,16,2,18,16,0,1,6,0,23,3,0,8,6,66,60,22,0,19,10,0,5,9,1,2,1,1,0,5,12,13,2,0,11,0,4,7,8,1,0,2,2,10,44,15,41,51,5,39,0,0,4,0,34,13,0,10,27,162,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156801220510663,0.06324519848992206,0.0,0.0,0.05168841715222131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629388412380487,0.0,0.0,0.1353274398778311,0.07105772932432061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900231092942267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499155498725575,0.0,0.0,0.13094926279594804,0.0,0.08213823478655775,0.0,0.12137327687576703,0.0,0.0,0.049019223597528125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330311801624458,0.07778313130091791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020292722388372,0.3437704033384277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435094206185906,0.0,0.0,0.1537288169346333,0.1629015595465309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465282968329615,0.09190983451378457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191339831257636,0.07291432249023118,0.0,0.06375236147840334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808872686273157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549363563674201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210227190359805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670892344969012,0.12391421806000255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342054224231332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220888232905552,0.0,0.07636079985509919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659873611969896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587502634719045,0.3381562388078973,0.05862247580482712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150535731637556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077901937967436,0.2654709193864636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568821417304892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640958158587692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869302033891393,0.0,0.0,0.08160473209686231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604450458700852,0.0,0.0,0.2422758785289557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440179365620266,0.11703018300992918,0.0751743946957578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099340000037574,0.04870320664737484,0.0,0.0,0.17728477570705906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160481283104706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564697872732342,0.0,0.06271501001501685,0.08966361849660237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242802491751904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kitkatkitti,2019/03/09,"I am a monster Years of bitterness and depression came out in just an utterly cruel way. My sister is just a normal girl
but years ago she basically for no reason at all unleashed nothing but just cruel insults and criticisms to me, driving me mad.L

I've gone over it but a few days ago i tried killing myself and now im still emotional and i basically was just nothig but cruel to my own sister im a monster why am I like this i hate it i want it to stop why dof i have to FICKIGN FIGHT WITH MY OWN BRAIN ALL THE TIME",0.19409563409563546,2.399415990990992,2.9418018018018053,89.17927234927237,87.28828828828829,5.937907137907138,22.051975051975045,7.321109707123232,0.9331713097713096,409,15,88,7,13,143,70,111,0.34600000000000003,0.605,0.049,-0.9922,0,0,0,0,1,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,8,0,6,0,5,1,1,1,2,21,9,8,1,2,8,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,9,0,0,3,1,14,1,11,6,5,17,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,10,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463993573575113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811763388976094,0.0,0.22347182741807806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600910011271224,0.0,0.168287403649116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978520874770227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290520506383116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42210515142893057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161678799935437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545671052124287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914387615175759,0.1874800618308695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089141245542785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603711434263184,0.1633531222866043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393231782876015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265563077284429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524490853192695,0.15508990495560687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526145703186586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516469402106277
bpd,queerandbarelyhere,2019/03/09,One upvote and I kill myself lol Pls someone give me the excuse ,-0.7856410256410236,0.4384699230769229,1.5307692307692342,91.80589743589745,119.0,1.7333333333333334,12.025641025641027,3.1291,-1.4166205128205127,51,1,9,0,3,17,13,13,0.26,0.442,0.298,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263729892947839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070667300753619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718203498215158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649205188363778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shitimborderline,2019/03/09,"DEA feel tired of improving? I'm all about working on yourself. I think we all need to be self aware at all times of the day to stay level headed. I've been conscious (sometimes self conscious) of my actions as best I can since I was around 16.  

It's 10 years later and I've made huge improvements -- but I'm *tired*.  

I want to call it a day and just say, ok, this is who I am.  

I just recently started trusting myself over others and it might be where I'm getting this itch. But I do feel like there's a point where you stop letting the outside world influence you and you accept who you are. Whether it be bitchy or crazy or snobby as long as you're not hurting anybody.   

People will vibe with you as long as you're comfortable being who you are. So when do I stop morphing and start accepting this might be all I'm able to do?",1.2913235294117626,3.3243130639534897,2.6256497948016424,94.25861149110807,81.15116279069767,5.674965800273597,22.326949384404926,6.794906146795322,0.4690543091655273,645,21,143,7,17,208,103,172,0.1,0.722,0.17800000000000002,0.9135,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,6,0,2,9,8,0,0,4,1,19,4,2,2,4,35,32,17,0,2,8,0,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,11,8,0,2,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,17,7,18,20,5,25,0,1,0,0,14,10,0,4,14,92,28,1,0.15388353009575798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698896698817642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149127097615149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713228943786658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984842928898964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561627299830225,0.10993442464779267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803977931665515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792889727775514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473550166238002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735633545105673,0.0,0.07517971984744386,0.0,0.0,0.2723641634049102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560831692470536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32649221483796986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410268771487472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668346402499453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546967549307108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194142132216418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237435956478715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210681652815054,0.0,0.0,0.12729404628373364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521947460563806,0.0,0.2178391092719204,0.16401936822689314,0.0,0.2573070432168135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986023525407506,0.0,0.0,0.08973072389740461,0.3537329613266324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090764493035264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202904265370976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990959481119522
bpd,halocore,2019/05/11,"not feeling too great my best friend is online, active and interacting with other people but hasnt said hi to me. i know thats the point since they dont want to talk to me but this is so. i dont know. terrible. i hate this and i hate dependency and i know this is necessary for them and probably for me too but im so fucking sad. i miss them so much and i wish i crossed their mind and that they still needed me and enjoyed talking to me. i wonder if theyve thought about me at all or if its relieving to pretend i dont exist. i miss them so much i know i sound like a broken record but i have no where else. at least the people here who have had FP attachments can understand me though",-0.2292267267267256,1.9350672635135169,1.968018018018018,95.59755255255257,89.2027027027027,5.451051051051049,18.35735735735736,6.937597516519254,0.0763096096096092,537,15,126,8,18,180,85,148,0.14300000000000002,0.6409999999999999,0.21600000000000005,0.9345,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,6,1,11,13,3,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,1,30,28,19,0,5,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,8,8,0,0,8,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,3,28,6,11,25,5,6,0,3,0,1,13,4,1,5,2,92,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597877110821431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5225822915425826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416189488550099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515215800828055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148317257652386,0.13740670586106274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638658937803577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934841302536604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605466830220027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267342272654877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261346228302237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007465758977268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852136209680967,0.11020779576710864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060836541269581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050407232395096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024905498604372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413818510434798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294886769242827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186966851801256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892748579928355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602892799928552,0.1179961896603221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472982151676062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766624968845074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091799312964512,0.0,0.161183675941405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KizzWhalifa,2019/05/11,"How to explain to SO that sometimes I just feel crap for no reason. Six months ago, I got into a relationship with a guy who is really kind and sweet and truly makes me happy (a refreshing change to my past relationship.) He's trying so hard to understand bpd and is incredibly patient and actually kind of amazing.
But, he's struggling to understand how I can go from being extremely happy and having a good time, to an anxious depressed mess the next without an actual reason. He can read my face like a book and notices when I get down or start overthinking no matter how well I think I'm hiding it. Sometimes I don't have a reason for it, nothing in particular has set me off, or sometimes it's something stupid that has set me off (once When I was a teenager, not too long after I got diagnosed I cried because I couldn't choose what flavour of soup to have, and then got even more upset about how pathetic that was) my bf just doesn't seem to understand how that can happen. He always assumes he's done something wrong or something has happened. He just wants to make sure I'm ok. 
It's very sweet of him, and I don't think badly of him for it at all, I just want to find a way to explain to him in a way he understands that when I say ""nothing in particular is wrong, I just feel shit today,"" that is what I mean, and nothing more. I've tried to explain it to him a couple of times, but then when I get down he still ends up thinking he's done something wrong even though I've told him that if it's him, I would let him know, if anything , him asking all the time what's wrong and if he's done anything is making him the issue at the time. 
Bless him he's so sweet and just I don't like the fact he thinks he's upset me every time I feel shit for no reason. 
Sorry if I've rambled a bit, this is the first time I've posted anything like this.",6.448153782894735,4.9224922994791696,7.042105263157892,80.57131578947369,66.109375,9.855043859649124,31.92927631578948,8.532816995589336,2.232403125,1449,45,311,17,19,480,168,384,0.133,0.7509999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.7496,0,0,4,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,1,25,30,4,3,19,1,28,5,4,12,4,71,63,35,0,8,17,0,4,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,20,13,0,0,24,2,0,1,10,14,1,2,9,9,36,16,39,50,5,40,1,1,0,0,34,11,3,9,26,198,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.1367266776832182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209931660795873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829117109798292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914193688719554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729472917466985,0.0,0.06549174256347938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849279721476449,0.042704730598076536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648165233247571,0.0,0.08823151603286797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410864563507477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751425789229724,0.07695186276852088,0.0,0.0,0.06033806090207053,0.07110410530507802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507102152210814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204772273696747,0.0,0.0,0.09254101466353376,0.0,0.05902415553020381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626537252533627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640287801818688,0.059588541850150015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320143989612825,0.0,0.039813733706538165,0.0587586077610339,0.16808757015160092,0.0,0.0,0.06936522497542219,0.12389838328395325,0.14914918631640384,0.06275530351970916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731189671469463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459025014630188,0.03850026321856618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163573699052564,0.0,0.10267564930084397,0.0,0.0,0.06199625683767685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028628598405807,0.0,0.0,0.07631016933637706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591703992731302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450403049060005,0.0,0.0,0.20165829069883046,0.07975780694907886,0.0,0.07460603153455897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687519391397805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709309378392994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007371638022708,0.0,0.04487887219304846,0.2881118376444153,0.0,0.1504251868802735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571035580511314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377522112725975,0.0,0.0,0.14382040591151524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157263028448578,0.20785784255682166,0.07842056674892046,0.04958511868404364,0.0,0.055945820685543136,0.0,0.0,0.07323644417371512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602578088599373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955304241190273,0.06882844460527568,0.0,0.245096958517438,0.0,0.06640371983421288,0.06694032394211052,0.0,0.09512516510461363,0.0,0.0,0.2917178971307015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780251254614355,0.08264022331881142,0.11121241314078463,0.0,0.0,0.0629876411905966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753028734932183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049764890517240035,0.3063755244539254,0.0,0.0
bpd,Borderlinedancing,2019/05/11,"I don't mean to call you monsters. I honestly feel for those with BPD. Honestly I feel for a lot of you. What you go through is tough because I know that you feel pain and regret/remorse.

​

I dated a BPD for about 2 months and in a lot of ways it was the best/worst time of my life. 

​

The instability is exciting, but I had to get off the ride for my own sanity. Shout-out to those in long term relationships with people who are affected.",3.293179723502305,4.543237365591399,4.563471582181262,86.00806451612905,73.19354838709677,8.325038402457759,26.1889400921659,8.841846274778883,1.7337907834101385,357,12,78,7,7,118,62,93,0.063,0.865,0.07200000000000001,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,1,0,13,13,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,3,12,3,17,11,4,11,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,5,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501550551284013,0.39268747801087495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985008555103826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957372828860506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070218774594952,0.0,0.16499658460449024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451070398591059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442161270401792,0.0,0.09183260908647906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880301576178294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413242552859502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299784242703134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747479658471505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601368416345564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897578777131152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719380757238412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202285196042064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348206381945294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942216461691318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282588332056449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39268747801087495,0.0
bpd,PHLATBEDD,2019/05/11,"I cant keep this up anymore. Going from depressed to happy to depressed to happy to depressed. I build up future events and have high expectations about how well they are going to go and then get completely crushed when they dont go how I've wanted. I obsess for hours ahead of time. 

I literally had a thing happen like 30 minutes ago that I walked away crying from and 15 minutes after that I was with friends laughing my ass off like I wasnt even phased by the other thing. 

My wife wants to leave me and now I know why. I've finally been talking to a therapist about this. I've been ignoring my condition for years. I'm manipulative to gain control over situations to the point that its abusive. I see now why shes so exhausted dealing with me. Shes afraid of me and its heartbreaking. I feel so alone without her. 

I'm glad to have found this community. I spent hours last night reading posts and they all sound like me. I dont know how I got so far in life like this.",3.5463113367174266,4.928516152284266,4.566517766497462,85.71481895093065,72.75634517766497,7.689881556683588,26.83891708967851,8.238735603445708,1.6047512013536385,770,27,161,12,15,251,115,197,0.188,0.6779999999999999,0.135,-0.8887,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,3,13,18,0,2,4,0,13,3,1,5,1,24,31,14,0,3,1,1,1,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,12,8,0,3,4,1,1,5,5,8,1,0,8,3,26,10,30,23,1,31,0,4,1,1,10,9,1,0,20,102,38,1,0.0,0.14518427015583835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086201327182266,0.0,0.0,0.12690959578664918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152207194404847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512592954991373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284759101673957,0.0,0.13743373635419204,0.0,0.0,0.1345992517051349,0.0,0.12632849358557066,0.3166183723656331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872208720656597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093339704598408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619575195431083,0.0,0.0,0.1342314102002446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435361026340106,0.09467045367459308,0.0,0.06401962655144347,0.0,0.2785584947102664,0.0,0.09800265754621412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835754377812214,0.26088216903866873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129465251395592,0.0,0.0,0.2413451366814489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891498737494217,0.0,0.0,0.13468437106605324,0.09988260809144313,0.0,0.12974716924509633,0.0,0.0,0.08655029234478642,0.239458194028036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499105988720175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583544688015893,0.0,0.11735492674250945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256844018641175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764475378200707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773478919580392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848921683103064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422729049494979,0.16281399100102062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714513074034533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454896631829856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017393297455057,0.0,0.22113806283343346,0.0,0.0,0.11811963762324618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890870310017138
bpd,david_ranch_dressing,2019/05/11,"Helping a SO understand / learn about BPD Hey guys! I don’t know if this has been posted before, so please feel free to lock this if so. 

I have been getting close with a girl as of lately and want to give her some resources for BPD that may help her understand me and my disorder more. Do you guys have any reading material you would recommend I share with her?

I’m sorry again if this has been posted.",2.730529100529097,4.580948543209878,3.636437389770727,89.60111111111117,75.91358024691358,7.097707231040566,22.682539682539684,7.957251820313856,0.9904835978835976,316,9,67,5,7,101,56,81,0.046,0.7490000000000001,0.205,0.9144,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,0,17,19,9,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,10,3,8,14,2,5,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,5,2,46,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435952852298475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561097519599015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606428667780471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095876568009268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924657991464808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554330085825614,0.17542790565155336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621449287517591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515108025949284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050190917099927,0.0,0.20628807496206825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073902090936765,0.0,0.0,0.3502824891972249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829219254668312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471072189287248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807533137441824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786290175092983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299073327960131,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,100PercentEveryGame,2019/05/11,"I'm going to visit a psychologist for the first time I have not been diagnosed with BPD. However, when I randomly found out about the disorder,  something clicked. How should I tell my psychologist that I think I have BPD?",5.736747967479673,7.418020073170737,6.432682926829269,73.28528455284554,67.78048780487805,11.320325203252034,33.178861788617894,11.20814326018867,4.22031056910569,177,8,32,6,3,58,32,41,0.076,0.924,0.0,-0.4019,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,6,0,5,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6974295288830317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810226146748785,0.0,0.0,0.3173230962302076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355099999295913,0.0,0.30357948987625577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735462106126302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131521429722464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420012274727092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741052093590814,0.0,0.0,0.16144822167417952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jehovahjireh,2019/05/11,"Confused about symptoms . . . Having been diagnosed with BPD and depression and anxiety 3-4 years ago, I'm still struggling to live with it. I know I'm lucky because I'm relatively stable, and can work part-time. BUT I have NO energy, terrible memory, no motivation, massive fear of abandonment, I'm very perfectionist, I feel emotions very strongly. These aren't symptoms I often read about, and there's lots more that I thought was just my weirdness, but now I'm thinking might be this as well. I am chronically su*cidal and have a long history of SH, which I know fit, but every day is SO hard it's very isolating. I guess I just wanted to know if that was 'normal' for BPD? Thanks",6.187153846153848,6.711977523076925,6.904423076923077,74.50432692307693,66.07692307692308,10.807692307692307,33.94230769230769,10.686352973137794,3.7051538461538462,538,23,100,14,8,178,90,130,0.165,0.6829999999999999,0.152,0.0868,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,0,3,1,0,12,4,0,1,0,29,26,11,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,4,2,10,4,10,20,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,6,61,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380690487166869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915356308095353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949479294048005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923405973175532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045028209594448,0.0,0.1341531457222302,0.1580899229745317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752054907103926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123186293352182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752697579907194,0.07875534277198556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715837292424477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395275428487201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567996722808485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375361511737969,0.13783990989163972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241890301459402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523340262897565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260864160872412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866948896131806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579899891234733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438762072845935,0.0,0.0,0.1628308769047173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237820084725204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339997987173175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980269958728152,0.0,0.12365353981535655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855471375505079,0.09186942500024656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140044112803958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339284105212515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030230400077547
bpd,Just-A-Enigma,2019/05/11,"NSFW VERY TMI It can be so frustrating. My FP claims I’m the best they’ve ever had sexually, but they turn me down a lot and reject anything sexual. Yet, they did everything for their ex and never turned them down. They were doing it 3-4 times a week (pretty much anytime he wanted) and my FP even suggested it! 
But with me it’s not like that. They don’t want to do anything new with me, they hardly want to do anything at all! Idk if this is just my insecurities eating at me or if it really is how it looks. Ugh.",0.8363131313131333,2.8540165370370403,3.316868686868688,88.76954545454547,82.7037037037037,6.519865319865321,18.151515151515152,7.686295010490155,0.437155555555556,398,9,88,7,11,138,77,108,0.17300000000000001,0.78,0.047,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,7,1,6,6,1,1,3,0,11,1,0,1,3,20,18,10,0,5,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,14,2,9,14,4,10,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,4,7,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858869983376874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654565589352156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139132445539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299947382345948,0.17803082834388906,0.0,0.0,0.17688502173885845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630797076383867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615407973397287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527539569267052,0.0,0.0,0.1673254441711885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468199018479874,0.0,0.15179619632392494,0.1900855730131616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023205324760546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608500704710973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476466256759404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281573513839041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239334558968802,0.34826052762777626,0.0,0.15787346978079075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snarkadia,2019/05/11,"How do you help fight off one small thing ruining your whole day? This is happening to me a lot, I’ll be having a good/okay day and one bad thing happens and no matter how small, it ruins my bad and sends me in a spiral. 

For context, this happened today. I was walking to the bus stop to go to the gym. I realised my phone battery was at 30%, I know that this won’t last me as my workout routine involves me watching YouTube for 15 mins, then music and then another 15 mins on YouTube. 
After this I realised that I was supposed to bring some posters for my choir to hand into stores and I forget them. At that same moment I realised I also forgot my lock for the lockers at the gym.
I walked home, came inside and threw my bag and then my sunglasses and broke them. I’m now curled up in a blanket watching tv and my mood has dropped completely. I feel insane for letting small things control me so much but it’s so hard to break the emotions that it brings. 

Does anyone how any advice on how to not let it control me so much?",3.0438921800947867,4.276751312796215,3.9256368483412345,90.40608560426544,73.7867298578199,6.222867298578199,26.93157582938389,6.322622252153567,0.9364902843601896,801,29,170,5,16,257,124,211,0.10300000000000001,0.873,0.025,-0.899,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,2,2,2,9,7,1,0,9,0,11,1,1,6,0,28,23,22,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,15,11,0,4,2,5,1,8,3,6,0,2,6,6,28,0,25,13,6,36,0,3,2,0,9,13,0,2,13,120,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459429049429184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943498837877856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156299161127008,0.15660629689123573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442885907884074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24940170450583896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081639436743287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659043334246509,0.0,0.3350170207556705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926365429363034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069702439413164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799843330291306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551575094069049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487893827930837,0.12526753401949506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962086288557926,0.0,0.13378809366160824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010602888095883,0.0,0.14981003576654506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207874924649837,0.12174002787009587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054405971280751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697186689722054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957858819576265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240659169938285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486312784947858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976641306356293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156615601211645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674372827113487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bluehour1997,2019/05/11,"Oops! I Did it again (ugh)---but it's different this time It's been a really long semester and the stress from finals, my health problems, work, and financial concerns are eating me alive. Split really hard--- for the first time all semester-- on this guy that I had a crush on (FP) / was a part of one of my friend groups. Made it really awkward because we were all supposed to meet up to study for finals, but pissed him off so hard that he left our group chat and ditched our study sessions. 

At first, I did my normal bs---tried to make myself seem like the victim, campaigned to my other friends against him, etc. However, I ended up swinging too far in the other direction and sending a reeeaally long explanatory text to him. This is the first time I've ever apologized to an FP for being a giant twat. Part of me feels better, part of me wishes the text hadn't been as long, and the other part of me wishes I had waited until AFTER finals to bring all this stress on myself. 

Part of the reason that I'm so upset is that this is the first time that, once I've come down from my anger, I realized that I actually like the person on a level deeper than ""hey I just met you but you're nice to me and now I'm in love."" 

​

It hurts so much more than normal. I'm looking for some productive things to do to relieve some stress and sadness before I spiral back into self-harming or starving myself or any of that crap. Any advice? What works for you? I tried reading a book and playing some video games but I just can't stay focused. My mind is so foggy. 

​

IDK I wish I didn't always end up in this place. Yet here I am. Drunk, alone, and miserable.  

​

Hope everyone reading this has a good summer and I'll send good vibes your way. 

TL;DR-- split on my fp, who I have legit feelings for, and need a good distraction.",2.84563524590164,4.778300322404373,3.7012260928961744,88.89806864754101,75.83060109289617,6.323633879781423,23.186133879781426,7.1686216300943375,0.8160658469945363,1442,43,290,16,32,460,196,366,0.18,0.6920000000000001,0.128,-0.9751,2,1,0,0,0,0,70.0,3,3,0,7,13,27,4,7,20,0,21,6,2,3,4,45,40,22,0,8,7,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,25,14,2,1,5,8,0,4,3,14,0,5,12,5,39,13,46,27,14,50,0,3,1,1,26,20,2,7,26,199,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.07054314178934352,0.0,0.0,0.0706394790863394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486907806319759,0.0,0.0,0.060149817394950185,0.2349736570962637,0.2635152954461509,0.0983173087403794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055585389299725584,0.0,0.0440663946012869,0.0,0.06151218355941259,0.0,0.0,0.06393329792434731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062270136178280214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552608975094285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396917556045708,0.0,0.0,0.12805229752984798,0.0,0.08062077870865564,0.0,0.06538908084821565,0.0,0.06907475327110196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310246854892362,0.0,0.0,0.2375655331621293,0.0,0.2459542221303491,0.0,0.0,0.11169982131779957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818964756052049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157697361780503,0.0,0.0,0.12951258230616675,0.0,0.0,0.07683928809078756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179878483193501,0.0,0.0,0.07738632725959625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854165956062405,0.0,0.0,0.07063301285624045,0.0,0.0,0.19191912554073212,0.06070412810916871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524318759833919,0.06840112029007471,0.04825313065434274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299077117145478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314036024817096,0.053601001870256106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165475040588724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698488619867344,0.0489845539489502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914069692914787,0.0,0.0,0.06311952411418942,0.07552608975094285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917032538155449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461611132743354,0.0,0.13892957971794376,0.07432461081672619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580872939881602,0.07541266412031318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704991564315121,0.0,0.0,0.248418674756695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048025262890792834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860800725265368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981582837148556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057379241285319016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493845994913745,0.0,0.0,0.10525376825145001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635152954461509,0.0
bpd,PusheenPumpernickle,2019/05/11,"BPD at work. I used to work 8 hour shifts a couple years ago before my mental health fully went out the window, and I'd be perfectly fine. Now, when I work a 4 hour shift it's so hit or miss whether or not everything will go ok. I just got off and have to take a moment to rant.

I was in the last hour of my shift when I start feeling dizzy. I feel myself losing touch with reality and then intrusive thoughts creep in. I'm a cashier, and it was extremely busy - I couldn't just walk away. I was feeling sick, feeling not myself. I was convinced that when I got off I'd kill myself driving home. Hell, I thought about swerving off the road on my way to work.

Anyways, I'm nearing the end of my shift feeling suicidal when my manager walked up to tell me to go. And I just came back to earth. On my way out I stop and talk to a friend/co-worker and am feeling great.

I'm currently sitting in my car. I fucking hate living like this. I hate not being in control of my emotions. I'm just glad that I don't lash out at others at work. It makes me nervous going to work. It makes me feel unstable, like I'll never be able to do anything later on.",1.7861983471074403,3.183836421487605,3.4645371900826447,91.7749876033058,77.34710743801655,6.327603305785124,24.083471074380164,6.961326702584282,0.7195249586776864,882,29,200,9,20,294,131,242,0.17,0.718,0.11199999999999999,-0.9557,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,9,13,16,5,1,9,1,13,3,0,4,2,39,43,16,2,1,10,0,8,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,8,12,0,2,9,0,0,9,6,8,0,0,10,8,30,8,34,27,0,52,1,2,0,1,2,20,2,2,22,121,38,7,0.10314818245066712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143464013731842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488216536216832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096911112842935,0.07931458534723622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777150604290139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299115249233096,0.0,0.0,0.11797404173421933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568945748640225,0.0,0.1141315019718776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602782189119905,0.09135867364871504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270293535346044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36508374212215106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969202989125583,0.0953588325679733,0.0,0.0,0.17586446741253456,0.0,0.16499404854318134,0.11372123529693336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367495067172411,0.0,0.1096416945185941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346603718674946,0.0,0.30474054628443586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411818120700168,0.0,0.0,0.08407953570181402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100785983458901,0.0,0.09108173486624503,0.0,0.0,0.11539643187904874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770442548916725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394910719884386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955423718969783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300881443936368,0.0,0.0,0.0862364991986274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282736997356856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755459625320797,0.08290660187013844,0.0901560579020596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377627020408725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908691154307237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637484521532914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956193985291876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256517371910666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642404765222669
bpd,hiahmedhamdi,2019/05/11,"Not so celebrating birthday my birthday is on 12th may (this month) and i have always been alone on that day no one ever seem to remember it not my family nit my friends, so i have stopped telling people when is my birthday cause i don't want to get hopes high  
do you guys think i should do anything different this year?",2.596145833333331,4.761047156250001,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,77.4375,6.766666666666668,26.291666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.4364354166666669,254,10,53,4,6,80,47,64,0.157,0.757,0.086,-0.4433,1,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,13,15,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,9,2,4,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,6,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512674437368827,0.0,0.0,0.2018682645632664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996446974055907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492239783203388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646129404508902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534724347900069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194517098122496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287080680209737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743738599731968,0.0,0.12675202227902227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021884143126365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25632736885878155,0.0,0.240963260064542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364640642864275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439662370297478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819298486074835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27482617309872026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208600885622622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283012001836648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204900726012546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545261995087795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309575661507434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562308034603204
bpd,Jesus_Took_My_Wheel,2019/05/11,"Does anyone have any techniques or practices they find helpful for impulse control? I often find myself in a position where I'm either thinking about/starting or in the midst of engaging in various forms of impulsive behavior that I know is bad for me, and I'll recognize that that is the case. My mind will be thinking ""this is impulsive. You should not be doing this."" And yet it's like there's a disconnect between my mind and my actions where I'll just proceed anyway to my own detriment usually.

Does anyone else ever find themselves in a similar position? What are some things you do to help when you do? I've been working on mindfulness a lot lately with my counselor but I'm still not really able to consistently apply it in situations where I need to. And this has been going on a lot recently for me especially so I appreciate any insight.",5.791228956228956,6.979925339506174,6.833883277216611,72.29792929292933,67.20987654320987,10.335353535353537,35.0976430976431,10.436869588844218,4.0177703703703695,683,33,117,18,11,229,101,162,0.015,0.9009999999999999,0.084,0.8673,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,1,2,12,3,0,0,7,0,15,0,0,1,1,30,22,9,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,16,2,18,16,7,20,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,6,9,94,26,1,0.15063233146786684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487030160178665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065125707697765,0.15434062449420466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577170485898004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894696826833636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26363873672179805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583398422280007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625556767641292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130256660805655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560782529662962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20193135317927574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278358999894596,0.0,0.16991983097829036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359134842224227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561244431016637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562871429952414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169196512808167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964989286996044,0.0,0.14873125490464667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931705181716614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661833951331136,0.0,0.12029517448995335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007342775139362,0.19303823147528956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659002319363608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966213133101624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,b_eliza8,2019/05/11,"Am I over reacting? My SO and I had an argument, he tried to tell me how I felt instead of actually listening to what I was telling him so I stormed out of our house. I was very obviously upset when I left and I hadn't told him where I was going or what I was doing. I didn't expect him to chase me but expected at less a text or a phone call at some point to check I was okay seen as I left so suddenly and in a state tbh. He didn't get in contact with me until 2 hours later and he didn't even apologise... we had a huge argument when I got in because I felt like he didn't care about me at all, he keeps saying he does but has no good reason as to why he didn't message to see if I was okay or where I was. He's now apologised for not messaging me, but I'm still so hurt by the fact he didn't even care enough to pick up the phone and send a message which literally takes two seconds! Especially when I never leave the house like that when we argue and he knew I was really upset which was why I left...

I don't know whether I'm being dramatic or whether how I feel is justified? I can't move past this and I don't know why even though he's apologised I cant help but think this is just him showing his true colours and he doesn't care about me like I thought he did.",3.3658197747183967,3.0158946808510656,5.0645181476846055,88.29794117647059,72.04964539007092,9.046641635377556,26.871923237380056,8.841846274778883,1.5462834376303718,988,29,246,17,17,339,139,282,0.13,0.7509999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.7394,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,0,22,14,1,2,9,2,30,0,0,5,5,47,52,33,0,3,13,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,12,0,1,9,1,1,3,15,4,0,2,26,8,41,10,26,25,4,32,0,1,3,0,36,16,0,6,15,161,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.11662595721293152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285308423949725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203457538653792,0.0,0.3655497330496684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458529477012042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234872983005938,0.0,0.23680860091392206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604285913052029,0.0,0.2294995105901812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062439811614750325,0.0,0.06792112384247143,0.10024055276918167,0.09558424196700542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010602067885607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769472644780725,0.27580038619872194,0.12793950287605382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622728778727876,0.0,0.0,0.13136075934553976,0.0,0.0,0.1265453930553782,0.3895486929701951,0.0,0.0,0.1751618058022916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702178146469387,0.0,0.0,0.0921746150746826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140872233009052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129769708309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656210941185645,0.12287769811648422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504031960021493,0.0,0.0,0.09523517020859176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544201614598784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985775377200897,0.0,0.208916588916757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657812577842109,0.11741941472703188,0.09487875943321764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419833331985632,0.0,0.08114044474237525,0.0,0.11674534272623585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860948088895014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235215447502265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bornonasunday,2019/05/11,Do you feel blessed to have been diagnosed with BPD? Compared to not knowing exactly what you’re dealing with? Do you find some sort of solace in having a definite diagnoses?,4.656770833333333,7.333481968750004,5.16375,77.03958333333338,73.0625,9.266666666666666,35.666666666666664,9.725611199111238,4.219404166666667,141,8,23,4,3,45,27,32,0.0,0.8109999999999999,0.18899999999999997,0.7608,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,6,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44082240468071976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608425364595561,0.0,0.7105008299206658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697439326729486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199006672177109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235506059452376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,afarfan,2019/05/11,"DAE like watching dumb tv shows and movies because it's hard to focus on deeper and more intellectual stuff? I don't choose to watch documentaries or very serious movies and tv shows that require much attention. I feel like after being in my head all day, going through every single thought that enters it, the last thing I want to do is sit down and have to pay attention to something that's gonna make me thing even more. 

​

Then I feel stupid for not keeping up with news or reading about what's going on in the world but it's just hard for me to focus. My boyfriend likes to watch very informative things and I dread them every time. I want to be able to get involved in more serious topics and have more intellectual conversations every now and then, not just with my boyfriend but at work too. 

​

Is it the overthinking making me not be interested or do I genuinely do not care to be an educated person? How can I start enjoying being more informed about stuff?",5.101360182370822,6.735048239361702,5.401398176291796,80.25500000000002,69.26595744680851,8.350151975683891,28.322188449848017,8.841846274778883,2.168661398176292,791,28,148,14,14,251,106,188,0.11199999999999999,0.78,0.10800000000000001,0.5042,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,8,11,2,1,4,0,14,1,1,3,1,37,28,15,0,2,11,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,9,0,2,8,5,1,3,5,5,0,0,1,7,15,6,26,21,8,21,0,0,3,0,6,9,1,3,11,104,28,4,0.132299874658437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28669371783622544,0.3215176573058055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064877562874262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348885395387113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532247425913995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738281946206293,0.0,0.3344050513396157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337895835875164,0.0945150568907523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912122403307748,0.0,0.1503781352403954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370294027005347,0.0,0.1357778399143194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759420740846915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784205567567542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390510809994893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662238731973964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725563049263244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551914750769306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233567688343226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185090709913494,0.0,0.0,0.09364253222695956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029034080324363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26368247412356843,0.0,0.0,0.10503132243939466,0.07714512084074357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832250431391212,0.1560677876902049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631588443524453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215176573058055,0.0
bpd,MY_BRAIN_BROKEN,2019/05/11,"idk if i should just call it off with my gf so for reasons outa our control it has shifted to kinda long distance for a couple months she know most of my mental health shit but she faced timed me when i was pretty nodded out(she was trying keeping me awake because she works in an er)   and now she is still really really mad( with good reason).

Lately our conversations are interrogations about what ive been doing what ive been doing am I high ect ect 

On the one had i know she was just doing what was best and is best for me. On the other hand it has turned into a real chore to even answer her phone calls. I know i am a pos ..ect oh and like i kinda suck so should i just break up with her to save her time?",0.6531000000000021,2.759469160000002,2.6195833333333347,92.97937500000002,84.06666666666666,4.816666666666666,15.375,5.985473137389443,-0.6728999999999998,554,9,122,4,16,185,94,150,0.042,0.765,0.193,0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,4,10,8,3,0,6,0,21,4,3,3,0,27,27,8,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,7,7,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,7,1,25,5,17,18,3,16,0,0,0,0,15,7,2,4,9,92,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137830008047136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34905476146640113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396330555631318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865257794976505,0.0,0.1840138923034044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984322606561044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948917804851133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677498866245253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571091039966108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781998552910752,0.0,0.0,0.2741914900119803,0.0,0.18759986787685207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124847559821265,0.0,0.0,0.14717514995491068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675968465028728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274347768905406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269292290592085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919249955153104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929208820809187,0.21307914644308346,0.3419795409594171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071022418356502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281180136897275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193948169686778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129105300293624,0.1808926475733281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107239767335393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thebirdsareoutlate,2019/05/11,Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Too Much” is my new theme song PSA to anyone else who is TOO MUCH and likes to dance around to pop music in their apartment,1.311,3.3879067666666667,1.6833333333333336,100.80500000000002,81.33333333333334,4.0,13.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.604666666666667,113,1,26,0,3,34,25,30,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27721390510851196,0.4062199089302373,0.0,0.3529332697371006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311912840759183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936902286880349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828871295625849,0.0,0.0,0.3829033381534939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SlimpBomb,2019/05/11,"Bpd is fucking exhausting. Does anyone else feel so fucking exhausted just from being who they are?  It's so fucking exhausting to continuously go from 0-100 94637x a day. Holy fuck.

And friends/family get exhausted, too. And I'm trying to manage and cope and be skillful. BUT HOLY FUCK.

Thank you. That is all.",1.6879118773946369,4.445367982758626,3.199195402298852,83.6042337164751,93.3103448275862,6.715708812260536,23.68582375478928,7.793537801064563,1.9597524904214567,245,10,44,6,9,80,45,58,0.245,0.705,0.05,-0.8937,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,4,10,5,0,1,0,5,9,0,0,1,8,15,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,2,1,4,13,1,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,5,0,2,25,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891182024121614,0.188903034492154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322004088861381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188997352549154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133846010936592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154012733457725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380227425781347,0.0,0.09322014045271908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8522092218630886,0.09632274860041606,0.0,0.104778492556992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973789706258555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517127227205546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,taynho,2019/05/11,"I feel scared by all the people in my country and I want to escape. Please tell me what to do I have been on a military service lately and there are a bunch of obnoxious kids that keep cursing and messing with everyone, it really scares me even worse. I am introverted and I also dont like people in my country, I was brought up in a cheating family and I feel scared all the time, in my childhood I was bullied and now I dont like staying around anyone. I feel like my whole country is full of cheaters and hot headed people

since Im on military duty, there are a lot of bad obnoxious kids that I feel someday will bully me, I dont want to tell it to anyone since they will only tell me to deal with it as I am a grown up. I want to sell everything I have about $2000 and run to another country to live there forever, I really don't know what to do, I look for advice to move to another country and never go back, I'm so scared of life now, I feel scared everyday but my parents dont know it",4.029792198323001,4.0286253222748885,5.727677725118487,82.9067407947503,70.65876777251185,9.14633612832665,29.02697776157493,9.057496981413335,2.1632395916879323,777,27,169,14,13,268,103,211,0.16,0.807,0.033,-0.9641,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,1,5,7,0,19,2,1,0,3,29,34,13,0,3,1,1,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,12,0,2,7,0,1,5,6,8,0,0,4,7,28,3,30,28,6,24,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,1,11,118,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493229689453682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768954428311814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373714608253946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585684700887266,0.0,0.0,0.08648267700035762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470112673892043,0.08111486018252201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015573965827812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554288279792736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416560519426237,0.0,0.0,0.09282946406547378,0.08731072214008749,0.0,0.09158287013345773,0.0,0.2456057624493442,0.06940283985684625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055211677278699765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970229072151184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493694801947663,0.0,0.0,0.08634996595617862,0.0,0.0,0.10678044534262797,0.0,0.10958763219037093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861879138581302,0.14238541040546054,0.0,0.08578382134958996,0.0,0.08158019264751397,0.0,0.0,0.08259209976843371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032533799331643,0.0,0.0,0.07492683885200235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388573958539058,0.0,0.0,0.10787180687971548,0.0,0.0,0.20205141545484887,0.0,0.0,0.1066397754388662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447151158534513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863125048015183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607243288399259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354727359462036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547359635610028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664801613181955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190193867833406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846272467804156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900252419229323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CenizaFronteriza,2019/05/11,"I usually feel like I've really got my BPD under control, but when I'm alone with my mom and sister its like the dam breaks. I went through an outpatient program, therapy, and my meds are really controlling everything (with the help of all my management strategies). But when I'm alone with my sister and my

 mom, who have first hand experience of nearly all my worst moments and have been the targets of 99%, it's really hard to not fall back into destructive behaviors and control my emotions. I pick so many fights with them and get uncontrollable. 

Any advice for not reverting back to old, destructive behaviors?",10.41893805309735,8.542825584070798,9.931964601769913,64.108389380531,58.646017699115035,14.703716814159293,41.18407079646017,13.348371206891418,5.623100530973454,493,21,84,16,5,160,72,113,0.22399999999999998,0.682,0.09300000000000001,-0.9641,0,2,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,1,4,5,7,3,1,4,0,4,1,1,4,2,22,10,11,0,0,4,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,3,3,12,2,14,7,3,14,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,10,56,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641646262006108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103665460567786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018925446951278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304268428898621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887112087394212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041561333427844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168543557081761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346615167097083,0.14656681524706472,0.0,0.0,0.0757607855562283,0.10704174069352793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274490824273313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828230107209362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983627454829382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422221122894407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043085439079356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464030598805474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190858600913468,0.0,0.0,0.16643226458942836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509685272286968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157226020553901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879633015233667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134871924154504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502144688950166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388980099035214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EggsAndSpanky,2019/05/11,"I've stopped wanting a partner. I dunno if this belongs here or not, since I don't know much about my BPD and I dunno if this is related, but here I go. It used to be all I wanted. I wanted to find love and settle down, to live a small and peaceful life with someone who meant everything to me. Even now it sounds so wonderful, as I hold love in the highest regards. But, I just don't think it's fair for someone to love me. I'm lovable and personable and treat my partners wonderfully. It's easy to fall in love with me, honestly, and that's really terrible, because it happens before they know everything. 

I feel like I'm a pitfall trap. 

I try to tell them, straight out and upfront what they're getting into, but they never grasp the full scale of it. They don't understand how sick I am. They brush it off like, ""Yeah, I've dated girls with depression before,"" or, ""It's okay, I don't mind if you're a little crazy."" They don't know, man... Then, by the time it finally clicks, they already love me and they can't get away. If they do manage to get away, it hurts them. If I cut them free myself, it hurts them. If they stay, it hurts them the worst of all. I don't wanna hurt anyone. I can't help but think... Loving me is too cruel. I don't wanna be with anyone, anymore. I don't wanna hurt people. I think it's much kinder to keep to myself. 

Just for clarification, I've never physically, mentally, or emotionally abused anyone. I'm not cruel or anything. It's just, I'm seriously a piece of baggage. I can't take care of myself. I'd die if I lived alone. On top of that, watching me go through episodes, attacks, depressive swings, nightmares, etc. isn't very fun. They cried for me. I don't wanna make anyone else cry.",1.3987778227438312,3.4691296628895216,3.2187826790772966,89.94927478753544,80.98300283286119,6.073945770942937,22.2670174018616,7.225922671290522,0.7378470093079725,1333,43,285,18,35,445,171,353,0.19899999999999998,0.573,0.22899999999999998,0.9593,0,1,0,0,1,0,71.0,0,0,15,1,11,28,4,0,9,2,19,8,0,3,4,68,54,27,1,14,20,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,5,20,14,0,3,14,0,1,3,17,14,0,0,1,5,48,15,39,51,8,26,0,7,2,6,29,14,0,15,10,181,68,1,0.0,0.0981350298047028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578255035244099,0.09140033043394916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214093812888769,0.23165490199162125,0.08486482050155819,0.06815857658713094,0.0,0.0,0.09422630517737164,0.15563513203665846,0.0,0.0,0.050489839216994126,0.0,0.14095731161588027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431619626168044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844464236490836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819605052750672,0.0,0.0,0.14267548119120813,0.0,0.08596010440042076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919032833422814,0.093167877502498,0.0,0.0,0.09237266155715884,0.05470566007445745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488769776826832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187921336424394,0.05917076841893696,0.0,0.09073161594288984,0.07570128113133265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981918674044188,0.0,0.09414362227878667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324258183628571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055516388175037686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433336623387608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361937709054882,0.0,0.0,0.13655668160132914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585023123355199,0.08092900485258467,0.08301321120880406,0.14627339854212998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485211120604993,0.0,0.05528686497949225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346892605704014,0.0,0.08363044751257089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217729868367739,0.0,0.1277607267719751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057420981318427176,0.0723202942472071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053060328669281065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851435806295895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403560639494129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828128299817965,0.0,0.0692460779029018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062274694169904485,0.0,0.07239340032258534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921428578290955,0.0,0.0,0.0482963903327574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623328170390434,0.0,0.0,0.08622457931810573,0.0,0.07153489849618919,0.0,0.06833995962322081,0.14655840921325974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964209503709755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LIKES_ROCKY_IV,2019/05/11,"I’m so angry at my ex and he doesn’t deserve it We broke up three weeks ago. He dumped me on the same day I tried to kill myself. To be fair, he’d been caring for me for years as my mental health was steadily declining (bipolar II and BPD) and there’s only so much a man can take, but the timing just wasn’t great. I suppose I was in the best place for it to happen, though - I was safe in the hospital, so I couldn’t do something rash, which is exactly what I wanted to do.

I’m just so angry and heartbroken. I feel like he abandoned me in my time of need, even though I know logically he was just taking care of himself. We were together for nine years, and I’m mad because he acts like we were nothing, but I *know* that realistically he’s probably coping as well as a neurotypical person knows how, and to me it seems that he doesn’t care because I overreact so strongly to everything. I get so fucking emotional.

Is this normal for people like us? How do I make it stop? Every time I text him in a fit of anger or sadness, I regret it instantaneously but I can’t seem to stop. I just want to get better and move on. Is that possible? I’m a grown ass adult. I don’t want to be throwing tantrums like a little kid.",1.7563068181818196,3.3384896875000045,3.8364630681818177,88.28268465909092,77.90625,6.842045454545455,22.96448863636364,7.686295010490155,0.9156390625000004,944,29,210,14,22,323,138,256,0.19899999999999998,0.606,0.19399999999999998,-0.5503,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,4,0,0,3,17,23,6,0,9,0,23,5,2,3,1,41,47,24,1,7,8,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,11,10,0,4,7,0,0,4,6,10,1,2,8,1,32,13,28,35,3,25,0,4,0,2,19,11,2,3,14,135,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727430538519503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754173030572199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699991871368047,0.1070297387074407,0.0,0.0,0.15241672714793714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701548169851034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804598016533584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612788304347934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993061445703123,0.0,0.10196207673948607,0.0,0.10876231352008424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118985224975061,0.08645459850375885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187830466341307,0.1264528185974732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334217152897806,0.0,0.0,0.1070149699798092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863545591773434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388742606103893,0.0,0.1995234031314385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23649125434036944,0.1212908677263013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077981479794008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195671414488254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286219630881172,0.08896144977396879,0.08973260274198687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857100614886372,0.1161191150001066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203891316528168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389797898902536,0.10566741264112044,0.12643705102157302,0.0,0.0,0.13642853095066285,0.0,0.0,0.13047683869141527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22033873868226095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316483077058713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023513306661545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197950864131066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23779725733175094,0.0,0.21169802997165688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216262729324142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556860028008253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141369592527864,0.0,0.09707257091644307,0.0,0.1088088537146183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586201382898973
bpd,blackdove2018,2019/05/11,"Am I really so toxic and insane? I know it was me who asked you never to contact me but I texted you again because I felt like I don't want to lose a close friend. I hesitated to text you first and texted just 'hey' but you didn't reply yet. Am I really so toxic? Am I insane? You did the same to me, even you fluctuated and I came back to you. I feel so disconnected from reality right now. Am I just another girl for you and really no more your close friend? Have you really stopped caring completely now? This thought that I have now lost you is making me feel sick af and sick and nauseous in stomach, I don't know how to deal with this. 
I'm sorry for pushing you away. I did it because you made me second guess myself. We were fwb, we broke up and were trying to be friends again but you texting some other girl right next to me triggered my panic attack so badly which made me push you away. I really don't want to lose him, I really don't know how to cope up with this. 
This is also triggering my suicidal and self harm thoughts, I just want to erase you completely from my memory. I keep myself busy and occupied with work but whenever I'm alone with my thoughts it's hard to deal with. I feel like writing him another paragraph coz I just sent him hey. And he didn't reply yet. There's another part of me which doesn't want to try again, which doesn't want to text him again because maybe it's me who is toxic here, maybe it's me who deserves to be alone here. 
I want this hurt and nauseousness to stop.",2.144814814814815,3.826224738853509,3.67676574663836,89.41563930172212,77.0891719745223,7.327011087520642,21.50224109459778,8.167268648758528,0.926002736494456,1184,31,261,21,27,392,135,314,0.22399999999999998,0.68,0.096,-0.9909,0,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,16,0,5,27,15,1,1,2,0,24,3,1,8,1,61,52,22,1,6,8,0,5,2,3,0,2,0,0,3,18,21,0,3,10,0,0,4,10,9,0,2,16,5,59,6,31,34,4,28,0,5,0,0,40,9,0,2,17,182,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135554298077884,0.0,0.07387621543849922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906053080058286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636278614603461,0.10509553351007037,0.17358801455191597,0.0710344819677661,0.07713340245979397,0.16894188664277468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565805650430604,0.0941875193950529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937172472864976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047935133801566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101608803107729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401302405908491,0.06599625723924056,0.0886992424718751,0.0,0.0,0.07857834125531833,0.0,0.0,0.21411756874862167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176693378899722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827542930644874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889465087007272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211154727383208,0.0,0.0,0.15230881949834746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902643579774366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669907618050667,0.10084363195115197,0.0,0.0,0.17482429131226035,0.06166433630376846,0.0,0.18561616000214445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124911518317475,0.0,0.09824712857564703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838797106008216,0.0,0.10003848728043643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35508578241845007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778395106810236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637243882039404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341179468577023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446755525405093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104867525651394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001809241568987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254398488950441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269285403404245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725370638839771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,known-as-maybe,2019/05/11,"Boyfriend moving away My boyfriend just graduated college and is moving across the country to do graduate studies at his dream school. We’re still together and I’m planning on closing the distance asap, but I won’t be able to see him for 4 months at the least...

I’m love him and I’m happy for him, but at the same time my dumb brain is sending me into a serious downward spiral. I just don’t know how to handle being alone. My emotions are telling me to stop functioning as a person. I wish I could just dig a hole and hibernate until it’s time to see him again. 

This disorder is kicking my ass. I don’t know what to do.",1.9338020833333327,3.934193109375002,3.596562500000001,88.27552083333336,78.84375,6.454166666666668,26.291666666666664,7.492282038375204,1.4129979166666669,490,20,101,7,12,163,81,128,0.14300000000000002,0.74,0.11699999999999999,-0.3818,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,7,0,12,3,2,1,0,18,21,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,2,16,2,17,17,2,19,0,0,2,2,9,9,2,0,7,69,19,4,0.20064613757896824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20780888682281026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885136511223973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223987447199899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019961413199693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995785683163844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22569989854454264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359154445257952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053973972716112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109097291325174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015383273972006,0.4265101810231747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519646805164654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306460321595887,0.3197779878148651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023626465574606,0.16774915535532506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175373568080521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399675275158466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073315602697625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,-Pancaketime,2019/05/11,"Does anyone here ever throw parties? I always have the fear that not many people will end up coming and then it's just embarrassing for the people who do make it to see how pathetic the turn out for me is..

Currently throwing a flat warming and I've come to realise the only reason I finally hosted something again was because I knew my flatmates will be inviting people as well who will actually show up for them.",3.8896607142857182,6.085188787500003,5.092142857142857,78.91000000000003,73.625,7.071428571428572,27.67857142857143,7.957251820313856,2.022982142857144,333,13,57,5,7,110,63,80,0.11199999999999999,0.7859999999999999,0.102,-0.4215,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,5,0,8,0,0,3,1,12,14,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,2,1,0,2,2,6,2,9,8,0,13,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,6,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.21314251766841505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817396162356893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272155175494753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314437168018214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762921033550756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113732115139365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934517544614081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756978448211987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457787331277185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392640615139369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579438187998656,0.22143955114145894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611521686950176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542664780161258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456803414722928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404928057120858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814731438945651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757389780256224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638222258956192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nahrodox,2019/05/11,"I just got diagnosed with BPD. Should I tell anyone? I was originally going to say that I'm afraid people will think less of me or distance themselves from me because of the stigma around BPD and suddenly realizing that I've been manipulative, but oh wait that just the BPD. That fear's still very much there, but being self aware, I can see that discussing that won't do much good. So instead, I'll ask this:


What has your experience been with telling people? Good, bad, yay or nay? 

I've only discussed my mental health issues with a close friend and someone who I've now realized is my current FP. I don't know if I even want to tell them.",3.759999999999998,5.388892913385828,4.50788188976378,85.3633976377953,72.62204724409449,7.2847244094488195,25.298425196850395,7.908726449838941,1.2969439370078737,508,16,103,7,10,163,90,127,0.061,0.8240000000000001,0.115,0.7834,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,2,3,1,12,2,0,2,0,23,21,8,0,3,7,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,2,12,4,9,13,3,8,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,3,5,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103331933269484,0.0,0.0,0.13155644938798947,0.13815531543225198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339098844236365,0.09008594511755448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5583751073704402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499946361547725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760797751616533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455820571408956,0.0,0.1662947459528349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141752583110358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398736578784717,0.2479034355122627,0.1181939909041539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708432587803525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424500211573178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121659007668276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892852123135342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727212403730425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239413368551728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490551967956575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752140770476845,0.0,0.0,0.11776234879045608,0.0,0.15416784564700248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521438837942425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801812261195685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38750140559796975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946921178162001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219348278273222,0.08716508122329904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fritochipteeth,2019/05/11,"Are these unstable relationships? Hi everyone, I have a question. I have all symptoms of BPD except “unstable” relationships and I’m wondering if these are considered unstable or I’m just poor at socializing and I prefer to isolate myself. Relationship problems is one of the biggest factors of BPD and I’m not really sure I have that and I feel very confused. 

Here are how I’d describe my social interactions with others in my life and my relationship patterns:


Generally very distrustful of people and I think that their existence in my life is a waste of my time. This is also due to extreme social anxiety and very low self esteem. I don’t enjoy 99% of people, I don’t care for them at all. I will present as very sweet and entertaining and genuine and a good friend, but it all feels fake and in genuine to me.

I keep people at an emotional distance but I also like having them close just bc I don’t want tension and fights. I ABHOR drama I don’t want anything to do with fights. Whenever someone wrongs me, I will take it out on myself (cutting, drinking etc) just to avoid a fight. I literally never fight with people. 

I am a black and white thinker, and I tend to make a very strong all or nothing opinion of you when I meet you. I decide within the minute I know whether I like you or not, and it rarely changes. Regardless, I’m such a pushover half of the time that even when I dislike someone bc they like me for the sake of not hurting their feelings I will be kind to them. My opinions fluctuate on people however, and the very slightest negativity I receive from anybody will result in me being very paranoid that they hate me, which will cause me to “hate them”. I don’t trust my opinions on others however bc I don’t feel like it’s genuine hate as it can literally change in an instant if they’re kind to me. Regardless I will still slightly dislike someone forever if I have ever been mad at them even once, and I will see them as a shit friend. But I will continue to be nice to them, very nice. I’m fake as hell.

90% of my relationships end, but it’s not in some horrible way, it’s always me deciding a month into the friendship that I don’t really enjoy this person, and me lingering that friendship on for 3-4 years and distancing  until we’re finally strangers. We always end on “neutral” terms, but with me resenting this person secretly.

I’m just not sure what to make of anything, and according to everyone i know I am the “least drama free, most harmonious person they know”, which even confuses my sense of self more as in my head I am a crazy bitch. I just don’t know if these are borderline tendencies or if these are just normal human things. I have overthought everything. Thanks so much for reading and I’m happy with any answer, sorry for the huge disorganized word vomit LOL",3.93589080937344,5.725609718464355,5.157129383413661,80.23096414326076,72.47349177330895,8.409655974738241,29.250830978893127,9.033387906413283,2.548810237659964,2224,92,418,47,44,737,237,547,0.19,0.645,0.165,-0.9159,2,1,1,0,4,0,51.0,1,3,12,1,19,47,14,4,20,1,39,7,2,5,8,104,69,48,0,12,27,0,4,4,2,8,4,0,0,6,26,30,1,2,17,5,2,1,15,24,0,2,1,8,75,24,62,57,11,42,1,2,3,0,42,23,3,18,21,296,101,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920468971754917,0.1136264738056912,0.0,0.0,0.046431766504301406,0.0,0.05223291638740202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123748848254053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198892828028994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961454894346268,0.0701408958600598,0.14445933961207486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688700112218944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680419712394257,0.12094908730558665,0.0,0.07614865012792675,0.1352920474132741,0.061761872304551435,0.0,0.13048619236294445,0.06136437282716365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380947787948395,0.04877822145837058,0.0,0.07479583202981868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550370201234299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572688220176197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268380353704824,0.0,0.20223284560925128,0.07007350746384493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730936174713922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068912700144715,0.0,0.1422032397737005,0.15009645775560704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645434133032076,0.13342983458168325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115294648922036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054499300262063885,0.0,0.050192602515454335,0.0,0.05266063962565773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689849813159023,0.06551512591639573,0.0,0.0,0.07271444481410907,0.04626732363639013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667880424304286,0.17885463158506845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533336679554227,0.0,0.0,0.07648762061986805,0.0,0.06829704352106274,0.0,0.08748199598015698,0.0,0.0,0.366528138713254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440917734215008,0.0,0.1424588714545881,0.0,0.0700869671907919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880419967882025,0.1735566231422794,0.0,0.0,0.07643226500412521,0.0,0.0,0.05452735130315247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870348152264652,0.07096757385593287,0.05133698453880031,0.0,0.0,0.06286173040000842,0.0,0.0,0.04536124557154714,0.04375014836306447,0.0,0.0,0.07962756226559993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506957437302055,0.08054493496491384,0.0541963478798865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404519266105065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465189377811603,0.0,0.043969158142395014
bpd,Unique_Analysis,2019/05/11,"Does it ever get better? I feel like its hopeless. I cant afford therapy, my meds dont work, my FP ex wants nothing to do with me and every day is so painful. Every day all my thoughts are self loathing, hurting myself, or killing myself (i dont plan on actually doing that) and i cant stand it, and its why my ex hates me. And i completely understand why she does. I constantly vented my problems to her when we were dating. Ive tried to kill myself 3 times and every time i sent her my suicide note. And ive been thinking about it and i fuciing hate myself so much for doing that. I ruined the best thing to ever happen to me because of my ??? weird ass feelings 

My life is ruined because of this stupid fucking disorder i dont know how to deal with. My life is fucking over. Ive fallen so deep in the hole i dont know how to get out and it looks hopeless to me. Why did i have to be born like this

sorry idk what to do",0.8617212674543531,2.7204992806122483,3.0025456498388827,91.90937164339422,81.70408163265307,5.3508055853920515,22.050483351235233,6.339386263674448,0.3447999999999993,713,23,157,6,19,242,107,196,0.28,0.667,0.053,-0.9942,1,0,0,0,0,6,21.0,1,0,0,4,9,19,7,0,2,0,22,6,1,2,3,27,39,15,3,2,1,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,15,0,0,5,3,36,4,20,33,3,18,0,5,1,3,9,5,3,1,12,109,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.10335748607368164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912925766535402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115096178604228,0.09367296071945706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104956637533384,0.11445618291895993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366124615948592,0.10919342322812313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138744248174685,0.0,0.18537336637638385,0.0,0.4965250412358032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916118517466214,0.2677131531283881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071073272800916,0.07566549547313835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958328996157173,0.11067213703776199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366003505543126,0.0,0.0,0.2091377122339473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338389585641286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435788508326086,0.0,0.11641591785520143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962139473499614,0.10348916219852684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894168754766457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764737457821425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785950419818788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162802814940368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270072715403365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134608072440628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049214968154364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856285507676925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585351048729207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112271022591,0.0,0.07036503215639119,0.06786587444029303,0.0,0.08408445504891122,0.12351944724525955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190914087985288,0.0,0.0,0.11026095638770476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247124464319793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867146761763071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771071759090204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,j0shi8909,2019/05/11,Ex or boyfriend.. Idek being aloof So i met a guy online who was great. We chatted a lot he was my world everything seemed fine. Then one day I see he blocked me and wouldn't speak to me and I don't know why. I wanna explain he has Asperger's and social anxiety and he says his psychiatrist says he might have bpd or bipolar disorder. I don't know if this is the reason for him blocking me on the main social media we used and on the game we met. I asked him some few questions through my friend one being if he actually liked me and he said nope which honestly hurt because I genuinely still like him. I want to know if people with BPD usually act like this or did he play me the fool and had no feelings at all.,1.593441994247364,3.5179519731543643,3.211720997123681,90.99223154362416,79.60402684563758,6.673250239693192,23.394534995206136,7.7094869923839395,1.0058279961649084,560,19,124,9,14,185,96,149,0.105,0.748,0.147,0.7715,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,6,0,13,1,0,2,1,35,26,15,0,6,6,1,1,3,1,2,1,4,0,1,4,11,0,2,8,3,0,1,5,2,0,2,7,6,22,8,9,15,5,9,0,1,1,0,32,4,0,11,7,79,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.1542630833971051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093061579221995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778327559891838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636398001222797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981919533674714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019483946284652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117314840236995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207193292929146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992989762188618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213206283642195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428353969741894,0.0,0.1565238571807393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922769744919608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062957498857503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316894189098269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439379461280107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167697688702688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423792984900508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959263055424827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708555642267876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253236453681788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037009154484898,0.25142280670515843,0.0,0.0,0.12596913547644195,0.14390991461399086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32228490121542835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624273402048328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653019371357636,0.1741025684785687,0.0,0.09323956288414904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264243350058925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nuclear_bummer,2019/03/31,"BPD and romantic relationships Man, they’re really hard to be on either side apparently. Does anyone have any tips to idk... handle emotions and pause or just any relationship advice. 

I’m struggling in a relationship right now. I just constantly feel like I’m crazy, misunderstood, dramatic, needy idk. Sometimes I feel like it’s hard to tell if I’m in a boardline mess or if I’m being gaslighted. 

I’m not sure if I’m making sense.... but any tips would help I’m sure ",3.610666666666667,5.807268011111113,5.055277777777778,78.85625000000002,74.44444444444444,8.5,25.69444444444445,9.188382445141503,2.271111111111112,371,13,70,9,8,124,58,90,0.187,0.7120000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.3954,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,2,18,14,8,0,4,10,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,4,6,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,5,4,28,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082037264679316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357490690849811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507437130093613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727591944939056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778466523402734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440203220232746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851242488178448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642770282987376,0.23514422243303046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29485299181593305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110310870371692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080565139534025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985480857978863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054306886691204,0.0,0.0,0.5300745185088984,0.0,0.1405457901643696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276846553969168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720490816190426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102191837077855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384543485740364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169090581467128,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,socialanxiey2020,2019/03/31,"Do I have BDP? I’d like to talk to someone who is diagnosed with BPD, I think I have it to . ",-3.205151515151517,-1.6613481818181803,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,99.0,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.5629575757575753,68,2,20,1,3,25,16,22,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5853462094225672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717194080537618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705719687079146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39378779588630297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735547340348713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29779804737500104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meirlia,2019/03/31,Does anyone else feel like other peoples compliments are sarcastic or fake? This girl compliments me a lot and is nice to me but I feel like she’s just being sarcastic. I can’t trust her. I think she hates me and she told me I’m just overthinking but no matter what she says I just feel like I can’t trust her. It’s this way for a lot of my acquaintances ,-0.033200000000000784,2.284067080000004,1.8096666666666683,95.4465,91.53333333333332,6.2,16.833333333333336,7.554174236665415,0.3471333333333337,281,7,64,6,10,92,46,75,0.14800000000000002,0.5720000000000001,0.27899999999999997,0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,10,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,12,5,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,16,8,3,10,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,42,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050837620675615,0.23520356217241825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008828531270184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176157559646115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482057738188957,0.4919768436330223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22663547170368986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364431241101961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390314485083609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591427315784162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254928291170586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708790970376295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934715650098247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220801120666416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hollygolighitlysmith,2019/03/31,"Does anyone else with Quiet BPD also suffer from chronic illness? Last year I developed hives all over my body that became chronic. When I say all over I mean covering every inch, even my face, they looked like an allergic reaction. they would not go away for months even with extreme steroids (which I gained 35 pounds from) and I missed an entire marking period of school because of it. the allergy doctor had no answer, it was not an allergic reaction to anything it just...happened. They called it chronic idiopathic urticaria.

This year I have the hives under control but I now have developed chronic migraines that do not go away, I'm in and out of the hospital getting migraine cocktail iv's every other week, and they took a CAT scan even and said everything was normal. I've never had migraines before this year.

Is my anxiety and stress manifesting as physical symptoms? And why is it that they don't go away without serious drugs and medical interference if its anxiety related? Why do more illnesses pop up when one is controlled? Opinions? Thoughts? Questions? Why is my body trying to kill itself? Help?",4.590820895522392,7.465867124378112,5.060843283582088,76.67902611940298,74.27363184079601,8.199104477611941,31.940547263681594,8.982922981607832,3.3723251741293536,896,44,141,21,20,285,130,201,0.14400000000000002,0.816,0.04,-0.9687,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,5,3,7,6,1,1,7,0,14,19,3,2,3,29,25,13,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,16,3,0,0,14,10,1,3,4,1,0,4,7,5,0,1,7,5,16,1,21,17,3,25,0,2,2,0,10,10,0,3,12,97,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422575096617596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802737880391787,0.0,0.0,0.08238697724018954,0.1207270983699284,0.0969611098186176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321054198458147,0.0,0.0,0.07182589617001546,0.0,0.1002616109056554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26175719628246386,0.1483982598823669,0.0,0.12031395557737175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643047133478261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060034059337135,0.10311070013692762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664124770767688,0.0,0.09842886045933054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334697310205101,0.0,0.19854769283224144,0.0,0.10589479494265187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155944491207899,0.0,0.2008904210351292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419352011773172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897657022944912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303574838495418,0.0,0.0,0.09604426394988601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057564040506272035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989445231930351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834752081816872,0.0,0.11869772906210076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940479297657644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087500413985193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154448813739073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984223619168218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199256389379865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207991389527013,0.09370030382144366,0.0,0.11924663440434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349697738394519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224667724091017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935410215631688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090949560425585,0.07999640948756266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451325242226062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189600704563545,0.0,0.0,0.11358047081796052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370051301446363,0.0,0.0,0.2276290673614873
bpd,GoldDustTaurus,2019/03/31,"Identity issues & appearance - Who can relate? I posted about this in the body dysmorphia sub but didn't get much feedback, then I realized it was probably better suited here. 

I change my hair color/length a lot and my weight has fluctuated so much throughout my life. This causes me to always look different in photos, in my opinion. Like I was extremely depressed my junior year of high school and weighed about 160 and my hair was very thick, brown & curly, so my prom photos from that year look drastically different from my senior year when I dropped to like 125/130 and dyed my hair red/thinned it (for example.) There's hundreds of pics of me on social media and I had a mental breakdown going through all of them the other night. I feel like I look like a million different people. I just want to look like the same person because it's tough enough when I don't know who I am in the first place. I need that consistency. I feel like others always look the same no matter what hairstyle they have or what they weigh. It's not fair. 

I'm really hoping to find people who relate because I have no one to talk to about this. ",5.204657534246575,6.309592570776258,5.460164383561644,81.92010958904113,68.49771689497717,8.397077625570777,27.38538812785388,8.648137234880735,1.923014977168949,899,28,170,14,15,285,129,219,0.066,0.8,0.134,0.9372,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,2,10,10,0,0,8,0,11,8,4,1,1,25,26,12,0,3,4,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,5,3,0,5,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,5,13,28,8,22,21,7,21,0,1,6,0,9,8,0,5,15,113,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465699320428344,0.2404525393469336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528167300987112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813604655543616,0.0,0.1232527309914987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398758138285806,0.11738209591304805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557060436497923,0.0,0.0,0.34779209428797403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465244391476585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221049890658702,0.15854121678999464,0.0,0.0,0.1014164049564878,0.09438342685704823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797257772846005,0.0,0.06306173144237763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172364594103736,0.0,0.11020937632887566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581452529802665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098130050915985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837508309029552,0.3252598346895695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658967498656029,0.0,0.0,0.09433513110945436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118226571568578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313830309389266,0.08227622515550334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412944461698832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519009065541689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385286503369947,0.09688692368657134,0.11593069809599132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627002965927901,0.0,0.11963479749518155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710845008040542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229852367473904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311083409151355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918630247810064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155450101081504,0.06544771218496878,0.0,0.0,0.13512068645083733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143658673290176
bpd,WoodyGoodman,2019/03/31,"Food for thought **A rather illuminating article. Food for thought when emotional dysregulation misdirects one's attention into narrow and erroneous perspectives of who we are and our place in society.**

**Those who cope through** ***isolationism*** **may find the article's concluding paragraphs to be of particular note.**

[https://aeon.co/ideas/descartes-was-wrong-a-person-is-a-person-through-other-persons](https://aeon.co/ideas/descartes-was-wrong-a-person-is-a-person-through-other-persons)

​

note: (re: flair) I don't know about anyone else, but to me Medicine always includes: Psychology, Philosophy, and beautiful words.",15.93601347213717,19.334577690140847,7.7181383955909375,45.225682792406616,110.12676056338027,10.812247397428044,36.88977342314758,8.04050195162591,6.493815186772811,540,24,47,17,23,133,60,71,0.026000000000000002,0.882,0.092,0.6956,0,1,0,0,0,0,70.0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,15,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,10,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656622025010278,0.16480918770843794,0.1848281306420529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106357600817682,0.15585284187416718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706689576864388,0.17110126898674094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902415309553193,0.0,0.36785971539249057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359469714576717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307246326696863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6640751324865088,0.15892071038688446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415138645635496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332612910127466,0.1848281306420529,0.0
bpd,7starbitch,2019/03/31,"Just over thinking and feeling hopeless. It's 2 am and I am wondering if I am even lovable? If my boyfriend actually loves me? I have read all the terrible things people say about us, and it makes me hopeless about myself. 
There are times when I cry happy tears Because, for so long, I have never been loved by someone as much as my boyfriend loves me and sometimes, I cry because I feel like he would leave me. I think of ways to push him away in my mind and I can't help it. I am scared of abandonment. Sometimes, I feel like he deserves somebody else, who doesn't have BPD. I don't feel loved by him even though I know he is doing his best to make me feel loved. I can't trust him even though I know he wouldn't break my trust. I am in pain, and I want my mind to stop it. 
For so long, I liked isolation because I couldn't handle the way I became when ever I start making friends or start to date. It's so hard to handle. Being lonely was so bad that I made up my mind to kill myself after a few years. 
I wish somebody could read my mind, and realize how terribly broken I am. I want to love, but I can't love at the same time. 
I don't even have the courage to tell my best friend or my boyfriend about my Bpd. I really wish I wake up one day and I get to know that all of this was just a dream, and I am a healthy person with a healthy mind.",2.367838194101168,3.167889626297584,3.4961739990113725,94.50818915801615,74.88235294117648,6.612028340748067,23.450486076783648,6.655083550727371,0.3782050090624489,1038,28,251,8,21,336,137,289,0.154,0.645,0.201,0.9737,0,3,0,0,0,3,29.0,1,0,0,2,21,28,1,1,8,0,28,9,1,5,4,54,57,25,1,10,7,0,6,3,2,2,1,1,0,1,10,10,0,2,12,3,0,1,9,10,0,1,4,7,53,18,30,48,7,26,0,4,0,7,23,7,0,5,18,169,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.07636554361206033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735231023140571,0.0,0.06533961524384728,0.14311047509621352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424748592943622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711874228896534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248021058619184,0.0,0.17191877786700702,0.050467969424275734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537196997477977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067466279716324,0.07078608321952116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784027222634304,0.11181070503906997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091916180563908,0.0,0.040884981962371766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330385031908548,0.07010106511804236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245264400763691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657750867410625,0.0,0.12902062332144645,0.0,0.0,0.08286069382163481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469424851742155,0.0,0.0,0.13850633791574096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943970389022873,0.07404672661481264,0.1567073620454755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950759618714395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057526393000904376,0.0,0.060355042356128825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530275799464175,0.0,0.08326878508303588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425212969850385,0.06832920464343104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655225549154655,0.0,0.05013212534365527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223147783544724,0.07834685748210063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630516590380367,0.0,0.15479229471864805,0.0,0.11077851396780597,0.0,0.0,0.06542464293091659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839827626485066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051989112119776935,0.10028522540972444,0.15377018376566878,0.0,0.0912621822943827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941310705882171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231359504814024,0.12423027502477615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997866294364248,0.0,0.08486415605837057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559007183585141,0.0,0.0,0.050393622654643776
bpd,weirdpokahanas,2019/03/31,"My boyfriend doesn’t get it. Despite of having explained all my issues to him so many times, he still doesn’t get it. I want him to keep whatever may trigger me or hurt me in mind and then speak to me.  
And although I haven’t talked about my triggers so much, I have talked about how certain things can make me overly depressed and he doesn’t get it still. Maybe he is trying but I honestly don’t see it. I’m not saying that he’s a bad person, he can just be a bit ignorant about certain things; I try my best to explain everything to him but honestly, it gets exhausting and I don’t wanna have to talk about what is wrong with me and in my head constantly. It makes me believe that I’m crazy and that I’m not normal. I’m glad that he doesn’t pity me or look down to me because some people tend to do that but at the same time I think it’s because he just doesn’t get the severity of my issues? I don’t know. I’m just so sad and tired. ",4.035377668308705,3.6813803497536974,5.016366995073892,89.22813013136292,70.6256157635468,8.343021346469621,27.261494252873568,7.793537801064563,1.271003612479474,733,21,173,8,12,241,99,203,0.175,0.737,0.08800000000000001,-0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,13,14,0,0,4,0,19,3,1,5,3,39,40,18,0,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,15,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,0,4,25,6,21,38,6,11,0,4,2,0,18,5,0,4,6,114,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763791229488865,0.17177141774321975,0.0,0.0,0.1587356568884828,0.1478561763205547,0.0,0.1538162361465067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522528756450986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134901824544245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266235440757393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680480749938679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445945823626523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082648884251385,0.0,0.0,0.29410672950871103,0.0,0.1252301945532828,0.0,0.0,0.07742988544737614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831276693411892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880913729847827,0.14284113238882118,0.1415437207131379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225951952426774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357093088513293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804304576900078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767592373272342,0.1230203905092684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204199939449462,0.0,0.0,0.11227170665808137,0.0,0.0,0.15916647303086248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503111016924512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397280048160215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720314127994064,0.09027711983912548,0.0,0.0,0.16430908808569514,0.16193322024205956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131117611842866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310102957731745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404194529576193,0.0,0.0
bpd,Not_Alice,2019/03/31,"A Place For Us! Elefriends :) I'm joining this community right now!
I hope you all will join me :)

[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/JakjfcB.png?1)

",5.789999999999999,8.513810857142861,2.343238095238096,85.7434285714286,107.09523809523807,5.48952380952381,28.009523809523806,6.742157984588678,2.2667638095238103,112,5,16,2,5,29,20,21,0.0,0.562,0.43799999999999994,0.893,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815418393972278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5065402188390905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140389501418703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5831862578746162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheCockGargler,2019/03/31,"I am a terrible person to be in a relationship with I show people the highest of highs and make them feel more wonderful, powerful and euphoric than any drug possibly can then I snap and make them feel lower than low and more depressed and suicidal than they ever thought possible. 

Lol 😂 ",5.555555555555557,7.2691277037037025,6.282407407407407,74.06583333333336,68.25925925925927,10.585185185185184,33.87037037037037,10.686352973137794,4.110348148148148,232,11,40,7,4,76,41,54,0.22899999999999998,0.5670000000000001,0.204,-0.1742,2,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,2,1,13,9,6,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,7,7,2,5,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613161362241893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431521394679555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27509716184227445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457694497190885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23988874239637098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506334708873377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166892461808254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445684970056845,0.20712930166341506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5348545144897335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546829793744261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25947760660971203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832431626287754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25725242189417546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tmtxoxo,2019/03/31,"Please help Was doing really well for a couple of month — I go to a DBT therapist, journal, take care of my hygiene, and go to work everyday. My suicidal thoughts were at a minimum. But then I recently got my period and it’s like I cant handle ANYTHING. I called my ex and figured out he’s dating someone... which destroyed me. He’s always been the most supportive and has always wanted to try to make it work but I ruined everything for us so... then I tried to break up with my current partner. He’s not as supportive but understands my upbringing and that it resulted in me feeling like I’m never good enough or worth anyone’s love. After all of this, I had a panic attack until i was so exhausted i fell asleep, and then another one once i woke up. All i keep thinking is, why do I try? What am I trying for? How come I cant just be better? All this work to get back to here? I keep thinking of easy ways to end everything. To finally have some peace. Does anyone have any experiences like this? How do you keep going? Im exhausted and just want everything to stop. I just want to stop feeling. ",1.7553194103194123,3.9124953018018047,3.9193284193284192,84.93597051597051,80.2162162162162,7.63996723996724,24.054873054873056,8.575989854853784,1.8330558558558565,855,31,172,20,22,293,131,222,0.154,0.6659999999999999,0.18,-0.3441,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,0,4,10,16,2,1,5,0,16,4,1,4,4,43,42,20,1,3,8,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,9,10,0,5,7,0,1,5,4,6,1,1,8,2,26,10,27,33,6,29,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,3,20,116,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807006858357321,0.0,0.0,0.0738406444455869,0.1138594846727866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184850565672595,0.0,0.08935513916143838,0.0,0.0,0.12352964268596413,0.0,0.08349416842743265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603346512935257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087610552096756,0.0,0.11070832629850368,0.0,0.0,0.09353524916473263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201458068121624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502233397497087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617293529983093,0.11219599587664256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927641037609839,0.10621570130143226,0.0,0.0,0.1098063699540386,0.07757222217814973,0.0,0.118948143797502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673050542748152,0.0,0.1851318694822448,0.0910748619488536,0.08684431002366969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278137014465694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728903692203595,0.0,0.0,0.2895425644560678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591455438088945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800103521277688,0.0,0.07248046777688928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866704792033173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374644902892396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156381044662488,0.07357913022256192,0.0,0.0,0.12739958482846092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919230352006555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956150332943513,0.0,0.10721331130469904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200262281239828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156168268824607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877295191742,0.24643900849641845,0.0,0.0,0.08164143446678843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607405324264687,0.0,0.1391521104164514,0.0,0.08620333466392682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948848384903309,0.0,0.0,0.11303946869043816,0.1306128303007257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213645158491285,0.08618869268472272,0.0,0.0,0.09762979322532146,0.0,0.09797990670653156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23715069638053016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stabilitynotrequired,2019/03/31,"DAE have intense fear of *physical* harm sometimes? People obviously talk a lot about fear of psychological or emotional harm with BPD but I'm curious about fear of physical harm. Before I started taking my current medication I had intense fear that was mostly wildly out of step with my current situation. For example, I used to live in a nice quiet neighborhood, across the street from a police officer, with three roommates. And whenever my roommates would all be out of town overnight I would feel like I \*needed\* to lock and barricade all of the doors (put stuff in front of them), including the door to my room (I would slide my bookshelf in front of it), and sleep with a giant butcher's knife under my pillow (not the safest choice, I know). I would also need to continually check my closet, under my bed, in the shower, etc. to make sure there was no one hiding in there. We had never been broken into or anything like that - but this kind of fear would crop up for me all the time.

​

I guess it makes sense with the amygdala stuff and BPD but just wanted to hear if anyone else experiences/experienced this?",6.1588311688311705,7.3402726650717725,6.379511278195491,75.91407894736844,66.36842105263158,9.225017088174985,30.23957621326043,9.424239791934726,2.70876049213944,893,32,158,17,14,286,127,209,0.139,0.746,0.115,-0.8141,3,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,1,0,6,13,0,5,11,0,12,2,1,3,6,43,25,11,0,9,8,0,1,2,0,5,1,2,7,0,8,13,0,0,2,0,1,5,3,8,0,2,5,3,20,5,37,14,6,27,0,0,0,0,4,16,0,6,8,113,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491840866073844,0.0,0.11505452278783028,0.1290298961148232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424903415327275,0.1088020309807122,0.08738357681788893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035806412332728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674798332306616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887063473709712,0.11944707164316533,0.0,0.0,0.11842755484680845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5974544306434765,0.05369178233070868,0.07586064214383767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697792070627397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968145739943176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057833559361796,0.058358081375380864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375606807590496,0.0,0.09376584281788868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902771376123052,0.0,0.0,0.14176246790540778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697311679920007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747393390414172,0.08189863874223073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195565513451094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736173051616329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674814792164501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193596253594652,0.10626456685285576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502252778185764,0.0,0.0751603274695508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431194329963504,0.0,0.0,0.10008081949839158,0.0,0.07984006994115918,0.08534979500485622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191900632305889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171223360145528,0.0,0.0,0.06263236240672189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37716411365228186,0.0,0.1290298961148232,0.0
bpd,nakaisio,2019/03/31,"I need to change my name but I can't decide Okay, so I've been trying to legally change my name for like, 5 years now? But I can't pick one, and I keep finding new names that feel like they fit perfectly but then I have to wait another few months to see if I still like the name, and in a lot of cases I go from thinking a name is perfect for me to never wanting to hear it ever again. (Probably because that's how my ""personality/identity"" works too)

Right now I've got a couple names I like and I've liked them for a little while now so I'm hoping they'll stick, but the problem is they're ALL sticking and I shift between identifying with the three of them. And even if I adopt all three names (two middle names) that doesn't fix my issue of not being able to tell people what my name is. (Which I can't rn because my name makes me feel Bad Feelings for some reason. No trauma or anything, I just hate it and it makes me want to scream and throw up. One time someone asked my name and I panicked and said I don't have one. Luckily this isn't an urgent issue, since not knowing or interacting with any people greatly reduces the number of times you hear your name said, lol. But if I ever get another job, which I know I should, people are probably going to have to address me at least occasionally) and also how do I decide which one is my first name?

I wish I could just have three names and just switch between them at will and no one would think that was weird. Like, for today my name is one thing, but then for the next week it could be another, y'know? I wish that was just normal, changing names like outfits. I don't know what to do but I know I want to do something. It's literally been 5 years since I turned 18, I was gonna do it then but I'm so indecisive and unstable, I hate this. ",3.9530939716312052,4.219346348404258,5.018936170212768,86.98333333333332,70.88829787234044,7.86241134751773,25.507092198581557,7.645422480735847,1.0706102836879432,1401,37,313,15,24,462,176,376,0.128,0.72,0.151,0.8097,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,2,5,4,19,20,2,1,10,2,34,0,0,6,7,93,70,36,0,16,19,0,3,7,0,5,0,5,1,0,19,15,0,2,13,0,0,3,12,8,0,11,8,9,47,12,31,53,6,33,0,0,1,0,30,8,0,9,29,211,66,3,0.0841115294406975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672639597050672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057198724326919165,0.2645948173137738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921662196292047,0.0,0.0786329258051963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022961374205056,0.10254721530411663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669365360723803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343124240819102,0.09306780749927326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555487192085365,0.15216738771009947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758794966170134,0.06008929343871255,0.0,0.0,0.07687641409996147,0.07154522397386258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394480255741105,0.0,0.09560504106421001,0.0,0.06727167382816987,0.09273325814815296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660854433179257,0.0,0.0,0.18959961343884865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354172735655757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558116774937,0.08346771434798739,0.0747621920582233,0.0,0.0,0.2311274843703905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876485125308538,0.08430184939121439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150861447372414,0.0,0.0,0.11229019807679133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713702032876569,0.0,0.0,0.062367633306957534,0.06487199681597708,0.08123543926594058,0.08945356578467857,0.0,0.08241144028322206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419768950350489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493703165485053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137290977629464,0.08048337416457169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648066102048327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183078656476677,0.16001865168907148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702599900780842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391558526758144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126742594287316,0.06475316468097886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717157606263294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351718409689989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587996270467644,0.10779054358179167,0.0,0.0,0.0980922184477454,0.0,0.07972789500678848,0.0,0.0,0.0571062072644349,0.0914891907977804,0.08216474238032072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148833477956119,0.0,0.06746919538808308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344821565249348,0.0,0.0,0.06123419519630854,0.0,0.0,0.059750417236996436,0.0,0.0,0.10833013450998376
bpd,sadthrowawaydude2206,2019/03/31,"Is it possible that no one wants to be seen with me because I’m fat? Sunday morning. I have been crying or landing frantic blows on my own head for the past 90 minutes now. I have no one to hang out with. My roommate hasn’t spoken to me in a week, I asked 3 different people if they wanted to hangout this weekend, complete with plans and times and got “I’ll let you know”s from all of them. Guess who never got let know. This happens every week I try, has happened every week I try for months now. Whenever I ask people to just be upfront, I’m always “fun,” “likeable,” “interesting,” but these same people and more never have time for me, and then do things with other people. I have never in my life get like I have literally no one but I’m 2500 miles from family and I have no real friends here and I’m seriously considering just ending it so I don’t have to feel bad anymore. 

I figure if people say all hose things about me, maybe it’s because I’m fat or not attractive? Because I’m not white in middle America? Because I don’t smile? I really don’t know and no one wants to tell me. I fucking hate myself and I feel like everyone else does, so much so that they lie to me to keep me in this prison. Fuck them. I want to stop hurting.",2.3645349702380933,3.867492023437503,4.098660714285717,87.38979166666668,76.03125,6.7511904761904775,23.909226190476193,7.447530270364453,0.9844194940476192,962,30,204,12,21,324,138,256,0.177,0.7440000000000001,0.078,-0.9818,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,4,1,9,13,3,1,2,0,19,6,3,0,5,43,47,18,0,6,10,0,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,13,13,2,2,6,2,0,1,14,7,0,4,4,5,32,6,27,39,6,27,0,1,2,2,11,9,2,5,19,136,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476738893095985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103170512197213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047701080882407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506059490260061,0.24840595511207905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681302633883376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190388454018857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643672253093554,0.0,0.0,0.0891506869930335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510271502606262,0.0,0.09023019003484876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166659903744438,0.09734504158832516,0.0,0.0,0.09603780859525017,0.0,0.10302118363238966,0.07277885744818548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870765537818203,0.18836187611904048,0.053224997963680486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295600362932486,0.0,0.11222577577875972,0.0,0.18017381098921556,0.0,0.0,0.10057955512309803,0.10455218862290784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905830116956368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905503560941168,0.0,0.0,0.1679619773313557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083462817593644,0.0719566698831882,0.09954105151868817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234619820867212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813149123976096,0.0,0.07488916475856502,0.0,0.2357146941724945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27613003104803097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972503290903294,0.3531332721860747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484770940775295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595499709791628,0.06526313920810245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101435104256456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517128587649624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904242927797892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353612135260515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880718135696038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833161550297932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403518687120517,0.0,0.2451517070158919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dooferaccount,2019/03/31,"Seems like there’s something going on with me, and I think it could be BPD— any advice? I’m at about 3 or 4 times now where a doctor/therapist has thought I could have bipolar disorder, and they start screening me with questions for it. It seems like what I experience resembles bipolar, except things kind of fall apart when they get to asking about sleep needs (in all contexts, I’m a mess when I lose sleep) and duration of my emotional episodes. I have a great therapist currently, but I’m still struggling to find a psychiatrist that I feel like really listens to me and takes my concerns seriously. Consequently, in my experience, whenever a psychiatrist gets kind of perplexed by my answers to their questions about bipolar, they just completely drop the idea that there could be anything besides depression or anxiety going on with me.

I recently came across bpd and some articles comparing bpd and bipolar, and if anything, I feel like I relate to bpd more than bipolar. When I looked into it, it felt like a lot of the things that I struggle with that I haven’t been able to put my finger on or have been confused by because I didn’t think there was a reason for it suddenly had context.

The thing is, I don’t present most of my symptoms in a way that is obvious to the people around me. I think there’s a term of “quiet” borderline that some people use, and I would say that I definitely fit that image more than the “stereotypical” borderline, which makes me especially hesitant to bring up the idea to my therapist. I’m already kind of uneasy at the idea of presenting my own ideas for diagnoses, but especially since this one might seem way out of left field for me, I’m struggling with the idea. I don’t do a very good job giving a full picture to my therapist of what I’m struggling with when describing things. I just find it difficult to find the right words, and I’m concerned that he’d not be open to considering this diagnosis as a result.

I just don’t want to be written off. It’s one of the most intensely upsetting things for me, and I experience it almost every time I go to the psychiatrist, and i just don’t want to make myself vulnerable to that in my therapy setting, but I’m also desperate to address more of the symptoms I’m struggling with and to figure out what’s going on.

Any advice?",12.032038590604026,7.475097275167787,11.382135067114096,63.218034815436276,58.351230425055924,15.201845637583896,45.83459172259508,12.709666756460704,5.541563870246085,1850,80,345,45,16,609,199,447,0.138,0.7859999999999999,0.076,-0.9832,2,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,4,1,20,22,0,7,24,0,27,11,3,5,2,83,67,25,0,8,13,0,4,5,0,2,8,3,1,0,30,25,0,0,23,0,0,8,7,12,0,2,9,9,47,10,68,48,12,51,0,2,2,0,11,24,0,17,20,244,77,1,0.06392411136752221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249318035969603,0.0,0.0,0.06401076371581757,0.0,0.07054184646778681,0.05112008876546219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869411755621944,0.0,0.04890177022816747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052081939363846,0.056906011815720685,0.059760415007902364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389675449674909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220407219911636,0.0,0.0,0.07311215382686727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702321456173335,0.0,0.0,0.1531146041240509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505774345192892,0.06488162744606174,0.0,0.0,0.07326256975246767,0.06542903668118485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190602133829523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538588208514536,0.0,0.0,0.18759014097813695,0.0,0.0,0.06464390282411668,0.09133479586719853,0.061377171552138475,0.0,0.17527643912098173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679541963826223,0.06132183245186895,0.14531818248754969,0.05361651175615605,0.0,0.07047655845463079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608127043217729,0.0,0.0,0.06343481688007017,0.0,0.0,0.19970137524596646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945373404023843,0.0,0.0,0.1561504594129271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536801538498745,0.07151472946582485,0.0,0.05434599353681241,0.0,0.0,0.08533968143336157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781338031738689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739891859954366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866332644632768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863386005198995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642613878823919,0.14321926890355172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095142261245552,0.06572463303152687,0.06311734811317135,0.0,0.0,0.05459084183245345,0.0,0.05083501908541352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458233050181826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287868549675434,0.0,0.12794055319251288,0.0,0.0,0.04921190398023599,0.0,0.0,0.04524581504152778,0.0,0.05104987791224416,0.0,0.0,0.3341368030696487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288325563189746,0.04806297629455925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310279239030856,0.29688328099258604,0.21234169577579748,0.12287996826546115,0.0,0.05074860403328305,0.07454932680497689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055209907916619096,0.0,0.052744086552726235,0.07540819420236124,0.10147996836214422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04540985464313305,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elizawatts,2019/03/31,"I want him back I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back after a long term struggle with my mental health. I have sought out treatment for alcohol abuse and an eating disorder disorder as well. I have been in and out of therapy for years. It’s been a decade long struggle for me to just be ok, and most of the time I’m barely even that. After a long tumultuous and abusive relationship I moved home to be with my parents for a while and to get my life on a healthy track. I got back into therapy and resumed working out and riding horses. I continued to struggle to deal with the torment of BPD and wishing to self harm and soothe with alcohol and ED. It was during this time that I met someone new and we began a crazy intense relationship. I tried my best to keep my symptoms in check and be as normal and healthy as I could because I fell in love with him and for once saw the possibility of a future of happiness with him. I had some hard times during our time together, turning to alcohol two times to quiet the internal torment I feel. He comes from a family plagued with addiction and alcohol. Instead of him seeing my problems as BPD symptoms and ignoring the fact that I was trying and actively seeking help through therapy, he packed his bags after I told him I smoked pot one afternoon. The fact that I was not In AA meant to him that I was doing nothing to help myself. He didn’t even say goodbye. When I returned to our home he had simply vanished. I am crushed. My emotions are out of control. I am at the point where I want to do just about anything I can to make this hurt go away. I want him to tell me that we can get through this and anything together. I was aware he had his own set of emotional issues but I was committed to him, and loved him despite it. I feel hopeless, crushed and abandoned. I’m in complete despair. The person I believed I was going to share my life with is gone. The emptiness is swallowing me whole. Thank you for giving me a place to share this pain.",4.85083107846927,5.519839703517588,5.648844221105528,81.8278430614612,69.0502512562814,8.836644762272902,32.3931194433707,8.950670267944501,2.649697410127561,1574,68,312,27,26,515,193,398,0.114,0.759,0.126,0.0148,1,0,5,0,1,1,30.0,4,1,0,3,12,20,0,3,20,1,29,16,0,2,3,61,57,27,0,7,4,1,3,0,0,0,12,2,2,2,13,37,6,4,3,0,1,7,2,11,2,2,21,7,58,9,65,32,7,49,0,4,2,2,38,16,0,2,25,227,71,1,0.0,0.18088134544283432,0.0,0.08321290285704447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263018183673955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562909555419427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171621626086998,0.17608327224419953,0.0,0.046531142176942736,0.0,0.0,0.0859997724449118,0.08010548963851015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28841159933678384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575306616540225,0.08003241488601695,0.0,0.08561257743107631,0.0609447119802414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869470936141075,0.0,0.07747514589083752,0.0,0.0,0.17496565679178636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810646311904879,0.0,0.17172594809664407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083283632051243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719588050792314,0.0,0.07719127893971411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976040498700833,0.07322439498688035,0.08676221475928504,0.0,0.061049494325056165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812565949587854,0.06837827822672893,0.0,0.0,0.08113710847637813,0.0,0.0,0.10232716092522398,0.0,0.15313399012487114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171474496265083,0.0,0.0,0.07967054254872187,0.0,0.06784718976140618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783078160596488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265365927507792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778481610231896,0.0,0.05095205322048847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769244768046239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112859784319004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372170493523164,0.0,0.0,0.07478893373072985,0.07324239777227523,0.0,0.0,0.08129085026351615,0.05172438691424415,0.0,0.0812223914775309,0.0,0.08475740401551522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664996256835909,0.0797504595523916,0.0,0.07215820095098828,0.08605260840445123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303920082131041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390352215532886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070209202566763,0.0,0.0,0.060826542780996536,0.0,0.0796306897324848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467566611727282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393956371101208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867588440332225,0.0,0.0,0.06671733670224778,0.07027604386331059,0.2618761147834251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254836221089155,0.0,0.0,0.07293828311520227,0.0,0.10364853073882388,0.08302705309042294,0.07456505373241662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350673775572926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863143372134782,0.0,0.0,0.08522170196343529,0.08777777533702279,0.0,0.0,0.05557044205091575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831032224487976
bpd,RedDwarfCat,2019/03/31,How to respond to people who make fun of people with BPD? Is it ever worth standing up to them or do you just let them carry on and walk away?,3.0329032258064537,3.1543266451612944,4.5388709677419365,90.12830645161293,72.87096774193549,6.2,21.951612903225808,3.1291,-0.08372258064516114,110,2,25,0,2,37,27,31,0.0,0.8390000000000001,0.161,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,8,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36294817230203386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865401825310145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494368262536278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39502511254743056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25786294307752583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5356333097440622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,insectgander,2019/03/31,"It IS cool and you SHOULD be interested! The basics of distress tolerance. It is cool and you should be interested! 

Is the response I gave you when you responded with “That’s cool” after I approached you with a small victory of mine... I have completed the basics of distress tolerance!

So let me put it to use. 

Oh, so, you’re going to stop everything you’re doing and give me your undivided attention now?
How about no. 
I don’t want to talk to you now. 
Thanks for putting me down and showing me how much you care about my progress. 
Thank you for validating me when I reach out to you. 
Thank you so much for showing all the fucks that you give. 

The basics of distress tolerance. 

Ok, so, instead of acting impulsively and giving you glares all night, I am going to recall what I’ve just completed in this workbook I purchased for my self benefit. 
First I’m going to formally accept that you don’t care. This is called radical acceptance and is aimed at accepting a current situation without trying to change what’s happened or wishful thinking about the way things could of gone. 
I am tempted to write, that I really wish you fucking gave me a cuddle and pat my back but instead I am writing that I don’t give a fuck if you don’t care because I am doing so well right now. I’m not letting you ruin my happy parade! 

After I went silent and ignored the fact that I had things to tell you, you got up and left the room. I decided to pursue writing this and when you returned, a little moment later another *annoying* thing happened. This annoys me because I am trying to focus whilst being distressed from YOUR rejection. So just let me be grumpy. Thank. you. very. much. 
I mean, I get it - You’re playing xbox.
I just happened to decide to take my hair out. I got my elastic caught and it was hurting so I said your name softly. You paused the game and asked me what I said and thus I explained the issue but had already retrieved the pain inducing elastic. SO DONT WORRY. 
But of course you won’t. I don’t need to tell you that. It was just the facial expression you sent with all the fucks you were giving out. Me on the other hand - shut the fuck up and get over it. There’s no REAL problem here. 

So there we go. I ACCEPT how ridiculous I am always being. You’re welcome that I am all the extra you and I will ever need. 

I’m actually benefitting from writing as I go. It’s so good. 
And wallah - this brings me to the second skill. Distraction. 

Distraction doesn’t always work for me, but this, writing here in the moment, is working very well! It surprises me. It’s almost working too well.

To the future to come! Or maybe even later again tonight... shall I turn to writing in the moment to surpass my distress and conquer my irrational emotional distress! 



See you on the flip side, baby! ",2.3908891108891126,4.759734252747254,3.7988524808524815,85.50826873126873,79.18315018315019,6.461751581751583,25.12873792873793,7.62072044053348,1.4699865201465203,2186,83,416,34,55,718,238,546,0.126,0.698,0.17600000000000002,0.9538,1,0,0,0,0,0,72.0,1,30,0,7,40,49,8,8,26,4,42,10,3,6,6,80,97,41,0,10,13,0,3,0,0,5,1,2,1,1,31,25,0,2,11,5,1,15,12,22,3,2,15,9,83,27,57,68,8,60,0,3,1,6,59,20,5,4,24,313,114,3,0.0,0.0,0.07129933078307328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316243280744561,0.0,0.08062726958274469,0.0,0.12158918976959615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661333671712227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830440841124208,0.0,0.0,0.05618123828708932,0.0,0.08907753086691175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460589190767125,0.0,0.22347899178899536,0.0,0.07729138056382834,0.06293764247898742,0.15321115222689058,0.0,0.0,0.0583351730541132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562975093045817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218648160440215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825768114386341,0.06609002075524707,0.0,0.0,0.06566466530971886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214768365978261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377296415171036,0.0763452131711076,0.3504453146589048,0.20761804626223865,0.06128210649297487,0.11687093762861185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382914796740167,0.07777733907817136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078215871953163,0.0,0.0,0.07625919847486612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938358886803103,0.2241368046436616,0.0,0.0,0.07322871293007399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340199735493981,0.07958745283393212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611299990542119,0.1083511583326968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856504366520763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774460012620649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991179843505747,0.0,0.1468977778153555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316213537233384,0.04680627962126193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062395737304440514,0.13900003371951786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582220636396352,0.0,0.07622105208190856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212631351247801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108426702745533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054934577710835986,0.0587255866603531,0.12772124949895433,0.2690678188226584,0.0,0.0,0.1456202127353488,0.04681607123408059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099210493921345,0.07947198949390591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310331175218835,0.0,0.12056989994794785,0.043094681434786224,0.05799431951444145,0.0,0.0,0.19707829111005015,0.0677304961012904,0.0,0.0,0.16803858934472926,0.07043050233036215,0.0,0.1595730580260049,0.07419942085781217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PersonalBottle,2019/03/31,"I hate myself. This is probably going to seem like nothing but a jumbled mess, but I feel like I need to vent about my experiences, thoughts, and self-hatred in an environment that will hopefully be understanding or maybe even relate to my emotions and problems.

I do nothing but hurt people. I vent a lot to my friends and I don't know when to quit, and even when I do I still continue because I crave the temporary attention and the feeling that someone actually cares about me. 

My constant mood swings make me incredibly unpredictable, sometimes making me feel extremely annoyed and irritated with someone who simply did nothing but send me a simple message. 

I want to make more friendships but then I sever contact with the people I have because of the reason stated above or because I just don't have the energy to put in any effort. And yet I *still* search for new people to talk with regardless. The irony is that I get angry when others ghost me when I do the exact same to other people that I don't feel like I ""click"" with. 

I can't be happy with just a simple friendship. It *has* to be romantic for me to take connections with people seriously, and even then it's only a temporary high before I feel like breaking up and finding someone else. I want to find true love and do shitty things while searching for it. I feel like I'm incapable of feeling love, or maybe I have felt it before and it was just incredibly underwhelming. Whatever the case, I get attached to people far too quickly, and whenever I confess to people they for some reason either manage to ""feel the same way"" or just agree to it because they're also desperate for affection. A lot of my relationships have ended in complete disaster (one of them ended so badly that it has permanently scarred me) and yet I never learn my lesson and keep getting involved in new ones just to feel like I'm actually doing something with my life and that I'm wanted and loved.

Everything is a competition for me. I always make friends with people who already have a best friend in their lives, and then I do everything in my power to suck up to them to somehow make them prefer me instead, but I always eventually lose interest and distance myself. 

I'm always on edge about basically everything. I'm still incredibly paranoid about something that happened several months ago. If someone says something even remotely off I stay suspicious for the remainder of the day or maybe even a longer period of time. I have intense trust issues and sometimes doubt the people I've known for years despite them doing nothing wrong.

I just... I hate myself so much. I'm so unstable that I can't do anything. I can't have a loving relationship and I can't have a true friendship without being competitive or wanting it to become romantic. I'll have these phases where I contemplate just blocking everyone I know so they won't have to deal with me but I always back out because I'm scared of complete solitude. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm beyond help.",5.973833271991168,7.048223402097907,6.722134707397864,73.67860691939642,66.72727272727273,9.447626058152377,33.23444976076555,9.616208734778699,3.2908384615384616,2414,104,414,49,38,797,249,572,0.142,0.664,0.19399999999999998,0.9878,1,0,3,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,7,6,37,36,4,2,24,0,40,5,0,8,4,107,91,47,1,10,23,0,11,7,3,2,1,1,0,0,24,30,0,2,27,0,0,3,11,13,0,2,4,13,69,22,64,81,9,50,1,2,1,4,27,15,1,14,35,303,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.11041771103055234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501501573255442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243171188419816,0.04524285673125082,0.18829910285224646,0.0,0.0,0.038472812205525946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655624980480669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043502538287464136,0.04723760490394256,0.17243740149018352,0.06248243501715747,0.09628199619183306,0.0,0.059371774824853826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057681791366393974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186352280410392,0.06113727322177887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0364860734344878,0.05832614699937926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726099592011029,0.06363904875925623,0.1002169823090087,0.0,0.0,0.18683564884218554,0.0,0.0,0.05405965734395039,0.15253737923177899,0.055341022009355804,0.0,0.0,0.2860592483943791,0.2425023420610453,0.054320691653002816,0.0,0.10341670649148094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112867827673375,0.0,0.08867401272118135,0.0,0.03215276943714894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002891942674372,0.06022493939801207,0.0,0.11171182829745192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792090395012266,0.0597743950702298,0.0,0.056191553670742606,0.0,0.0,0.06056450637386172,0.0,0.0,0.059049405149664676,0.0,0.05028629237760507,0.0,0.0,0.0932761113785834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996046284460615,0.19347716813660076,0.0,0.049956595510910654,0.0,0.0,0.06329274337219988,0.0,0.09619576408735356,0.2042439066991993,0.0,0.18882063166470595,0.0,0.17051100853236698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045157475197949104,0.0,0.04158899641487456,0.04194950625485256,0.04363398275517087,0.1092806119748048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171402318513449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667311358271188,0.04302769389871065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529966609840154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099721610145418,0.054134454506416164,0.0,0.05687331214648974,0.0,0.060174276512899985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633665855323835,0.0,0.12148035115097025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499056126376761,0.056641256386239014,0.0,0.0,0.05150358406027201,0.05901986744329221,0.1278268684017201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174261852416868,0.1306621628611579,0.1119078714009212,0.0,0.0,0.06030122209342186,0.13554215387583313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253721781565824,0.04547269088465228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037585791230260575,0.0,0.0,0.04491408127483607,0.0329892278505541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889637452913065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347715972530835,0.04490645243951825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453609990892653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185567567941363,0.0,0.036432324061819295
bpd,Eyeduck,2019/03/31,"DAE struggle with feeling like an actual person? Last night was one of my bad nights and during the usual downward spiral of thoughts and emotions I realized that I'm less a person and more just... a list of symptoms. 

I feel like so much of my personality and how i engage with life comes down to my BPD.


Even things that i used to think were simply ""quirks"" of mine I've since learned are part of my BPD (perfectionism, all-or-nothing thinking, etc).

Anyone else struggle to feel like a complete person and not just a list of signs and symptoms?

I've specifically been struggling with trying to sort out what my actual genuine interests are, and which ones are just me trying on another personality hat for the time being. Oy...",4.6342800265428,6.587618970802923,5.201579296615794,79.95276045122766,70.97080291970805,7.609555408095554,27.783012607830127,8.296473431620573,1.9843343065693428,577,21,104,9,11,185,88,137,0.079,0.8220000000000001,0.099,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,7,0,7,3,0,2,0,28,16,9,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,12,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,4,3,11,5,18,11,5,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,8,69,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.22108477994921727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878121788277303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920618333825992,0.11606607024198536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458188716325146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853378087911617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757843927262223,0.11876918585289732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946287220198516,0.127421814487937,0.0,0.0,0.12633423085523976,0.07481864625778087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718293525380466,0.24277616530604065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923361899396395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001116897110913,0.16602482936368673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327191385218242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260630954659154,0.0,0.10869270864457004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535193791489195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226683721215671,0.0,0.0,0.4945472283101847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370422571475208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35526636247074433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354771579979366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525646298771868,0.14516715224669108,0.0,0.0899295926585621,0.06605295574381424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381582110487993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783529269892867,0.12475903888681192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,future_hearts,2019/03/31,"First Relationship my bf and I have been dating for over and year now and my BPD has been slowly getting worse, I find myself lashing out verbally and wanting to make him sad or i ignore him. I love him dearly and he is so patient with me and usually shrugs my episodes off but I feel so bad for making him go through this. has anyone figured out coping mechanisms or ways to make relationships work while having BPD? please, I am so desperate for any kind of advice. thanks. ",3.620760869565217,5.720995858695655,4.414565217391306,83.8951086956522,74.1086956521739,7.208695652173913,25.630434782608692,8.07648339933343,1.6188869565217383,377,13,71,6,8,121,66,92,0.149,0.742,0.109,-0.6341,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,0,20,17,13,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,1,15,4,12,15,0,12,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,2,6,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432460157518848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827316251415993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189272784577966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749607640464575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751394445845618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537572731088324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240210993148486,0.16044644788681345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855007898220858,0.0,0.10720135032653867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642650558903585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702436755636379,0.0,0.3777309458247654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705634186512314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050306679486104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366285124591574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774653276660232,0.0,0.11125738164075352,0.14972372284450142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137323060335163,0.0,0.1922275287087527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146992011358736
bpd,ctrlaltdelthrowaway,2019/03/31,"My favorite person isn't my girlfriend Your kiss is a needle shooting me up, ripping me from the depths of withdrawal. Pure euphoria. Everything's perfect. You're the air that I breath. I NEED this. I have it. I'm okay. Our lips diverge.

Hours later when we're apart you haven't texted me first. You hate me. I would rather die then feel this pain. I love you so much I hate you. You reply. It's heroin again. I'm okay. The cycle repeats.

Idk why I thought I needed an open relationship, but this is my life rn. ",-0.5615918803418793,1.5235210673076942,1.0729487179487194,97.66094017094021,102.75,3.8495726495726497,17.316239316239315,5.82211442006289,-0.3722247863247857,397,12,86,4,18,127,71,104,0.127,0.72,0.152,0.1437,0,0,0,1,0,0,19.0,1,6,0,2,4,8,2,0,5,2,6,6,2,0,2,10,15,4,1,4,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,22,5,3,13,1,12,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,7,50,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253340530075001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193841707450884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342588677416373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763401410973947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820026462408565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24039243124326304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724172733510702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031262268274546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944390161707047,0.3619987843990464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597429614260426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314145448708652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262075429314103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937906339721205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202651244434241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340387361400494,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smileygonzo,2019/03/31,"Does some people trigger you? It's just their presence makes me so uncomfortable, and I tend to be rude and overreact. Though in the moment, I just can't help it! 

​

For example, an acquaintance just staring in my direction fills me with anger...I think it could be sexual tension or maybe I simply hate their guts? Since this dude has a really domineering, ""know-what's-best-for-me"" tone who think he knows me soo well even though I actively try to avoid him! 

​

Or the times we had just normal banter, he would always think HE'S right and shrugging off whatever I have to say! ",5.3772321428571415,6.8126922589285765,5.357500000000002,81.5875,68.375,9.171428571428573,27.392857142857146,9.516144504307137,2.33205,471,15,89,10,8,147,82,112,0.177,0.784,0.039,-0.9399,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,2,0,9,5,2,2,4,0,8,1,1,2,0,22,15,8,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,2,14,1,8,10,1,7,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,3,2,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534610417464032,0.3524839636428343,0.3952992729790081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707015763486328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987072985993306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423448135087347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743535920751958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059301952331187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902753202084307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878730305733884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085767759761062,0.0,0.16341377715328045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593722095561797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276792466441465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420412554193638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891070377659526,0.0,0.12935371649560215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455398690643827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126777733926321,0.31962513904773665,0.0,0.09484832166843804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043542498260438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625082470838113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554895757479487,0.0,0.3952992729790081,0.0
bpd,grc21,2019/03/31,"I keep replaying the same hurtful words in my head over and over... I can't stop. 

All day my head is buzzing with a fight I had with my FP. I hear the things they said to me, and they just send me into another crying episode. I feel like I deserve them, which in itself is a feeling I can't stop. It hurts. I want to stop. ",-0.012285714285713569,1.7359486285714318,1.7957142857142865,99.99928571428572,84.14285714285714,5.142857142857143,20.0,6.1826913282559595,-0.2494285714285711,244,7,62,2,7,80,46,70,0.129,0.68,0.191,0.1073,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,0,4,0,5,2,2,0,1,16,11,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,4,16,1,9,9,2,10,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,43,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706551075025252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273881207558613,0.13350277227572885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933851796539346,0.14788626591383675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248990245434655,0.0,0.2333126023421835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432118198160995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839978602228117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113345365936807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691162535469045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192028511984685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752664661014394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209844182613044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,insidetrip157,2019/03/31,"I’m pretty certain my wife has BPD, want to make it work but not optimistic after the latest episode. After doing a lot of research as to how to fix my marriage, I came across BPD a while back and I feel like my wife got every red flag.  She is jealous of anything that gives me joy (she hates that I donate time to coaching wrestling, or anything else that I like to do without her is a guilt trip).  She is never sorry or feels bad about her actions.  When she does something wrong she either justifies it or finds some character flaw in me to focus on or hyper focuses on a word in the argument like “you called me names!” (I used the word ridiculous)

We have 3 kids which makes this tricky.  I really don’t want a divorce but today felt like the final straw.  She sprayed Lysol at me at 6am because she said I farted in my sleep?  Our baby daughter was in the bed next to me when this happened.  I was obviously pissed, went down stairs and didn’t want to talk to her much as I know how things would escalate.  It was my grandfathers 94th bday and she held my youngest ransom from going to see her unless I dropped it and spoke to her.

We got into it on the way home as I didn’t want to ruin my grandfathers bday.  She kicked my car, threw her phone at me and started smashing the awards for my wresting team on the ground and when I tried to stop her she screamed “you put your hands on me!” 

It sounds so much worse after writing this.  I don’t know what to do going forward.  When things are good they’re great.  I have a great life (other than the bpd wife), I absolutely adore my kids, love my house, career etc.

Want to save the marriage but unsure how?",2.8685395245992247,4.403708468656717,3.5497844112769483,91.71133222775015,74.76119402985073,6.276395798783858,23.452183526810394,6.775458762138228,0.5635483692647867,1287,37,277,11,27,406,186,335,0.124,0.701,0.174,0.9477,0,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,3,3,0,3,10,22,4,1,16,0,18,5,3,6,3,51,48,26,0,6,11,4,4,4,0,1,1,4,2,2,17,10,0,2,6,2,1,10,7,9,0,0,14,10,56,13,44,33,6,46,0,1,2,1,42,18,1,6,22,182,73,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802717418528356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422369053543438,0.0914550178836632,0.06676996291054935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41385684704364906,0.0,0.11184487461885943,0.12527593933369208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585258229882733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091500304383821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215763174869175,0.0,0.0,0.09228581050352563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076579234232804,0.07825000186158912,0.10516832588528836,0.1199874415381755,0.10011067200465272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507350365115528,0.12449962735677698,0.09187061962302742,0.1752062073306114,0.2415198185056132,0.0,0.0,0.09685918094656233,0.0,0.0,0.1081406146176928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986997484502624,0.0,0.0,0.1263857374703985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039233645304095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736600641638149,0.21404808318644705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931205693306362,0.09885730964656457,0.0,0.14622751751123594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103790268877524,0.0,0.08447817541393897,0.0,0.1164889997635968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143387599547072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101103620735492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016929014257961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419043956083424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728317886588638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961154979799212,0.0,0.0,0.08432342879848223,0.0,0.12261260661097625,0.07752762958766686,0.0,0.0,0.09157403004209892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803803170230308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455369812303171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386925055103411,0.0,0.10382395224974457,0.0,0.0,0.07436534146150325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946008661044182,0.0,0.0,0.3230253749783101,0.0869417579341589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153767551893647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558537001650227,0.0,0.07974092577725471,0.0,0.11162292088231847,0.07780870754944716,0.11975653585676813,0.0,0.0
bpd,I_am_Me21,2019/03/31,Going through a break up It’s killing me. I broke up with her because I was certain she didn’t care about me. I want to be mad I want to hate her. But I love her. I’ve tried to get her to come home and she won’t. I feel so abandoned. I have been wanting to die for days. I wont try anything and I haven’t tried anything but good god if a bus hit me I would be so damn happy. I can’t go on like this. ,-3.0147218045112787,-1.4074047052631578,-0.14988721804511052,108.22328947368423,101.31578947368419,2.7142857142857144,15.206766917293232,3.1291,-1.6428496240601502,303,8,87,0,14,103,60,95,0.184,0.5820000000000001,0.23399999999999999,0.6246,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,12,4,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,1,14,23,7,2,5,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,3,1,20,6,12,14,0,8,0,2,0,1,7,3,1,1,2,54,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35045688729262403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980400103626674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710276429569608,0.0,0.0,0.1834257804421763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732630719818548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099427634766974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076669987315121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125043580723606,0.0,0.2420332295239393,0.17860087807336186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266746665303261,0.0,0.21023052642252887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135924854076132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355824830732133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402992753255927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921833376034091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337093405187221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767860661950459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512638485198751,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Iamahighlighter012,2019/03/31,There are days I imagine hurting people I’m infatuated with. Does anybody else have this. There are people from elementary school I see now on social media (I blocked all of them now) and want to be in contact with them but also imagine hurting them because I’m angry/sad that they probably don’t remember me. I’m getting these intrusive thoughts more frequently and am scared to talk about to my fp of fear that he’ll abandon me. He’s my only close friend. I can’t stand this bpd. I already attempted suicide once and life doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’m scared I’ll become homeless because of this disorder. I’m so scared. ,3.0324731182795683,5.4243326774193585,4.2367741935483885,83.09182795698926,77.06451612903227,6.713978494623658,29.68817204301075,7.793537801064563,2.158943010752689,508,24,93,8,12,166,79,124,0.262,0.664,0.07400000000000001,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,4,2,7,9,0,4,0,0,9,1,0,0,1,16,21,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,13,2,13,17,2,8,0,3,1,0,10,3,0,1,4,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533350027785394,0.1270602422046905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937095893713203,0.17547595135245064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052083225930545,0.0,0.0,0.20011004051511008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024676526334807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209592514588446,0.0,0.13904129602528906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272799337395166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878974856231242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275412315947055,0.0,0.1660216639360682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401792638595676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222514346977708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920729308890806,0.0,0.12083916894892127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030164652904952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713048558737273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998568279483315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47721467709016596,0.16080005830835575,0.12661073932140102,0.14464289697665328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196320416377372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737943541956919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277057094741772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613690773509315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371446383367532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,raspberryysherbet,2019/03/31,New relationship— how to take it slow? I’m starting to date again but in the past I’ve had a tendency to dive right in the deep end and I end up having too high of hopes for the relationship and I make high expectations for my new partner. Does anyone have any tips for basically “slow burning” a relationship rather than what I usually do?,5.925597014925373,6.127713164179107,6.9693656716417935,74.92927238805972,66.61194029850746,10.87910447761194,31.67537313432836,10.686352973137794,3.19873432835821,270,10,55,7,4,91,48,67,0.0,0.9359999999999999,0.064,0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,9,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,11,8,0,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,11,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676662344812328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303436778096595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313048891445392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302115892024293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939092464168147,0.0,0.18514928118825985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443152731132327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600759443938126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779514467772601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6004105125627759,0.0,0.15919491876067782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194344706944328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015870336075512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530659707536214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,selvmordsbrev,2019/03/31,"Has anyone microdosed psychedelics for BPD? Can you take me through your recovery? I'm looking into microdosing and seeing anecdotes or people saying there's research that people with BPD should be cautious around psychedelics and microdosing.  Previously, I had only heard that schizophrenics or people with a family history of schizophrenia should avoid psychedelics.

Does anyone here microdose LSD, DMT or psilocybin (shrooms)? Does it help you with any specific BPD symptoms, like splitting?  How did your BPD manifest before and after microdosing for a while?


I'm specifically looking for microdosing experiences, but you can also discuss whether tripping helped as well.",10.207642857142858,13.248133800000005,8.071607142857143,60.57026785714289,58.61904761904761,10.964285714285717,42.64880952380953,10.9516,5.826452380952383,559,31,67,15,8,165,74,105,0.027000000000000003,0.904,0.069,0.6608,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,5,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,17,15,12,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,5,7,2,12,9,0,5,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,3,3,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150140504404712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780359339105778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201126759060643,0.0,0.0,0.12803168130962408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238155552705952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7245528859097351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25171843460834736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068508393756554,0.13558216800225856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280112153727347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702639500397541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415477778556983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938277805488704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29912328490440576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437267795165193,0.0,0.0,0.114607163546548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948567026224432,0.10813591512377002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931285569289286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marife15,2019/03/31,"Hi, im here freaking out, help Hi, im here freaking out because ive been suspended form my job for three days for having problems balancing the cashier at the end of the shift, its like being punished for making mistakes, im just overwhelmingly paranoid thinking the worst is to come, that from this one is just a matter of time til they fire me, they wont give me any other tasks so it makes me think they want me to fuck up on purpose so they have to let me go, please help i dont know what i should do",2.0991719077568116,3.708774556603775,3.1410691823899377,93.520178197065,77.01886792452831,5.843186582809224,24.041928721174003,6.42735559955562,0.4869802935010483,397,13,89,3,9,127,74,106,0.247,0.65,0.102,-0.9571,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,6,9,2,1,5,0,12,1,0,2,0,15,22,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,8,0,2,1,1,13,1,15,17,2,11,0,1,0,1,9,5,1,0,5,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895440038154646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559623764298005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334881772957652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229518593251285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222440820155977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795524060819814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530919647163798,0.0,0.18190966669116493,0.10777067923249238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542089933374775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6144964284035643,0.0,0.1881777816135198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042152828036132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390876750454888,0.0,0.09264327855098896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531580088911687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284976951337167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815598436240296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144959311953604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24301354755649995,0.0,0.0,0.11057434725053422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184825146819376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,supportthrowaway8877,2019/06/18,"Staying friends My ex-partner (pwBPD) and I (undiagnosed mess person) are currently transitioning from our partnership to just being friends. This already comes with a lot of stigma, but I read a post from a less supportive BPD subreddit about being kept as a second choice. It made me mad, sure. More importantly, it lingers in the back of my mind on the days when I’m finding it hard to let go of the old relationship and creates more difficulties.

I’d love to hear if anyone here has more heartening perspectives about transitioning from a relationship to a friendship. Just seems right to combat such a negative thread full of the same old stereotypes with something more real and balanced.",7.739695121951217,9.09267706504065,7.194867886178862,70.86352134146344,62.90243902439025,10.702845528455283,36.513211382113816,10.686352973137794,4.193911382113821,561,26,92,14,8,175,86,123,0.135,0.685,0.18,0.7548,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,11,0,5,1,0,1,1,19,14,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,2,6,5,19,9,8,14,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,3,6,66,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190341032065626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060523446359675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263000140808456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172383005984581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485801998160638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123829002837893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764778869854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665223297938778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802696632420953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451231150877598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440266658293226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637717751718934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664022869251744,0.15567407500514474,0.16320908775990092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416026414867652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619871203533097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060688928527302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519255625262488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253126487578566,0.1963252229359752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37036779412135296,0.0,0.14730089579474742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702349093509568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278706275132876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838456211063074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573346653721488,0.16256468300982455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,100hawa,2019/06/18,"Being Movie/ TV characters... Was I the only person that would do this but everytime I would watch a movie or binge a show I would like acting like the main character. It's like the second what ever I was watching was over I was this new person. It would sometimes last one day or longer. I still do this at age 24 its just I never really thought about how often I would do this. 

I just wanted to know if I was not only person that did this.",0.9248351648351658,3.174975604395605,2.6117472527472536,92.54575274725276,84.16483516483515,5.398241758241759,15.693406593406591,6.742157984588678,-0.2709525274725273,344,6,73,4,10,113,56,91,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.8674,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,15,0,0,1,2,19,18,5,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,2,10,3,4,5,1,10,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,4,10,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558634955375265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621207481079474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849826888221903,0.1460936248293173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262683235568476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823062632972513,0.17309819646457547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144860317538204,0.2726198573490349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469481341695106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481716878937888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725972027092232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313061854765838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422859247224923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571251020717123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6365872798367649,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iventandbestupidhere,2019/06/18,"can i have advice please? abandoment anxiety hey, so i know if i post this anywhere else I'll sound stupid and insecure, but that's not it. my boyfriend sleeps a lot - like, he went to bed at 3am and its 6pm. he has depression too.

I'm just kinda worried he's ghosting me or leading up to that. or, he could be cheating, you feel me? a lot of physical anxiety. he hasn't even been online so i know all of this is irrational. hes very honest and affectionate.  this sucks a lot. 

im on new meds and they help with not thinking about it but I've already started thinking so now i can't stop ):",-0.9584463157894731,1.1516258880000017,1.6077894736842104,95.25336842105264,98.12,5.191578947368422,20.97894736842105,6.8360192770164,0.6104400000000001,456,18,104,8,19,155,87,125,0.192,0.644,0.165,-0.4161,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,8,8,3,1,3,0,10,1,1,1,1,26,19,12,1,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,2,11,3,9,15,4,10,0,1,0,0,10,3,1,7,5,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861583667294292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102259720332871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914701753677389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210199381048534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408087135097424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591417006952381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582613772043552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963245788684531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276908585829312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577708000237985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093921031501836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307066303833557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858792286905206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116070692641029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839900123146437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911625519970825,0.0,0.0,0.18245023332067486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906416439613248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483975716296456,0.0,0.0,0.15926992788226474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441346242505157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718580416828407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659917609609602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934661244869793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saturdaystocome,2019/06/18,"Dealing with narcissistic traits/jadedness Not really sure if others here have narcissistic traits, but I have personally noticed in myself that I've pretty self involved, and lately, have genuinely come to see all relationships as transactional. it's kind of sad. i want to have others in my heart and cherish them and think about them and love them, but having been burned a number of times, it's like there is only genuinely room for me. i think at base it's this feeling of not being loveable, and others not being trustworthy, and it sucks. but this is my obsession to some degree. is this an ok way to be? does this sound like a depressive episode? just being a normal adult in America? certainly unhealthy right? will try to talk to my therapist but just curious if others experience this, it's hard to put into words.",5.385635964912279,7.4329733092105315,6.0407894736842085,74.31385964912283,69.19736842105263,9.540350877192985,28.456140350877188,9.928628108626363,3.0454324561403503,661,24,112,17,12,215,95,152,0.14300000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.191,0.8240000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,0,5,12,1,1,4,1,14,2,1,0,3,30,22,13,0,4,11,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,15,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,1,4,11,8,19,16,2,13,0,2,1,1,12,7,1,3,4,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633447298714849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990727394457925,0.16631266881212395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897896766062226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888422126099996,0.0,0.0,0.09763476785510886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729754296780783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22881881876018345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010790042131334,0.0,0.0,0.2178198695746132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867318573546304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742760156184892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919236170795264,0.0,0.21984023904633448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685765024976713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860333737948907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644730352107373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941140746101037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370177125542957,0.0,0.0,0.20731205074044973,0.0,0.16490230126817498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387192608868672,0.0,0.20144047392310632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199000208800745,0.0,0.0,0.15520265970038769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419848549862265,0.0,0.2474552979530313,0.0,0.0,0.11259540186121213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109900983907266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389259023163115,0.1532700335241111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fadingdaisiez,2019/06/18,"I don’t know who the real me is anymore. I make promises that I don’t think I can keep. I say things that I don’t always feel or mean. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not, or what’s me and what’s not. How can I so easily look into the eyes of someone I love and lie? Or do I even love him? A constant, never ending battle rages inside me and it’s inescapable. Neither side wins, it just continually goes back and forth. I don’t know what to do anymore. Im scared that I won’t be able to handle him and that i’ll leave. I promised I wouldn’t, and I don’t want to and don’t think I will, yet they’re days where I feel like i’m ready to walk away. I feel different with him, more so than anyone else i’ve ever know.  Yet they’re days where I feel nothing. I say I want to spend forever with him, the rest of my life with him, and then days like today come and I feel content with the idea of never seeing him again. It’s not something he’s explicitly done or said, he isn’t perfect but he’s done nothing wrong, nothing at least to make me feel this way. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t decide how I feel, it’s such a vast range of emotions that rapidly change from one extreme to the other. He supports me through everything, he may get upset, but he doesn’t judge, he doesn’t blame, he’s there. I’m so hypocritical though, i’m aware of it and yet it doesn’t change me nor the way I feel. When I drink or smoke or take pills he’s worried, when he does, i’m mad. I don’t know why I feel this way or why I do these things. Maybe I should give up, for his sake and mine. I’m not sure anymore.",0.6481485497424764,2.003593778711487,2.5522707147375097,97.27554079696395,80.40056022408966,5.390765338393423,19.359266287160022,5.843745405466311,-0.4198113490557516,1237,28,313,7,31,413,155,357,0.08199999999999999,0.821,0.09699999999999999,-0.4755,1,0,3,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,2,20,16,3,2,8,0,29,6,1,4,6,70,67,31,0,4,14,0,9,2,0,5,2,4,0,0,24,18,1,1,20,1,1,2,24,6,0,1,3,16,46,10,25,58,4,31,0,0,3,2,24,8,0,8,20,186,70,0,0.08681955719868066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224082655902067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444066865205902,0.0607062530485695,0.08895689621064624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156983191321926,0.06675888043434425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836871593074793,0.07478736099769775,0.0,0.09382109811901942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679742959711555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070795867182382,0.0,0.0,0.07597637957123693,0.17769310024135768,0.0,0.0850501135040783,0.0,0.0,0.0725265995972437,0.09766031625558842,0.07689635826820053,0.0,0.0,0.057343498714983475,0.07853325999966054,0.0,0.0,0.07802781985280922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950871907992004,0.06202390901010525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045359635291233366,0.0832852303487455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800871236448767,0.0937800200853902,0.0,0.0,0.07716921155587826,0.0,0.0,0.2862825486529289,0.0,0.0,0.09192937531896306,0.0,0.0,0.061323220808769625,0.08483130044409955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290656198266686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671608006726764,0.0,0.11590545719005918,0.0,0.08722191454770006,0.09457194981470313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392118953509893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499171200056209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058831178865626776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763932662417716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258528037449447,0.13808479313251515,0.08692152255009003,0.0,0.06918394652138525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356192907433008,0.06683793675134024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985218046507624,0.08182640519250135,0.0,0.06527750218619993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535811203431535,0.1112609332656862,0.08529977414073496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229478867998191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241684850588936,0.20673997015968976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668229290706825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816947465685535,0.0,0.0,0.09492355663433777,0.0,0.0
bpd,skwaart,2019/06/18,"how to get over heartbreak i feel completely and utterly broken. i never even dated this guy, but he likes someone else. but i liked this guy for over a year and i honestly thought i had a chance. ive been working so hard in my mental health so that i would be stable enough for be in a relationship. but now i know it won’t be a possibility i feel fucking horrible. i wish there was some magic way for him to see me as someone who could be loved. i wish i could just have a crush like a normal person without getting so attached with the idea of being with him. how do i get over this?",3.0295810564663017,4.090066803278688,4.5917486338797815,86.28594717668491,73.59016393442623,7.38943533697632,25.850637522768675,7.793537801064563,1.28427577413479,458,15,99,6,9,154,80,122,0.10400000000000001,0.65,0.24600000000000002,0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,7,0,15,3,0,2,1,24,27,11,0,6,5,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,4,17,5,15,14,2,10,0,1,1,2,9,5,1,1,7,76,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838974199329332,0.0,0.0,0.2564576950682879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416363825052835,0.0,0.0,0.16594637497028808,0.0,0.10607711460815628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241193725446126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484753723784633,0.25172614189209325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180454826993759,0.0,0.0,0.14386921405461975,0.0,0.0,0.17071403857896414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181301832763285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882634980549732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538831204634175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495095310510595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618505804247931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386734058017446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735735667613154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402328046296342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105634507858848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724280833387048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798021726351255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721576937605253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750126050449662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747960390835586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693722590477276,0.15481606845831394,0.0,0.11692128011798725,0.0,0.0,0.1140881373313881,0.0,0.0,0.10342340551431478
bpd,s32601,2019/06/18,Having a terrible day Yall know the feeling of being ignored by your FP (unless you're lucky). I've tried to use today as a way to strength myself and show myself I dont need her validation but I'm crumbling down. I just feel like shit. All I did to contact her today was send a snapchat this morning 9 hours that hasnt been read but shes been active all day. My brain has been ripping myself apart and I feel physically sick even tho I know inside this doesn't fucking matter! I just let my anger get the best of me and texted her asking what I did wrong and I'm so disappointed in myself. I want to be stronger and get over this but my brain just doesnt let this happen and goes in the same litty victim circles and thinks the world is going to end. I wish this would all stop it's making me suicidal. Anyone got tips?,2.1459649122807,3.91974628654971,3.4162339181286576,90.87452631578951,77.3625730994152,5.729590643274852,20.756725146198832,6.42735559955562,0.15236654970760233,649,16,139,5,15,211,110,171,0.212,0.6629999999999999,0.125,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,2,6,12,4,0,7,0,19,5,3,2,3,34,39,14,1,4,7,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,6,2,0,2,4,8,0,0,7,3,24,4,14,27,5,16,0,1,0,1,9,6,2,1,8,92,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201499591843284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497646139446007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811916257880855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576705460557934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663044450634227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877522533108076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188892947590356,0.0,0.0,0.10581005171523916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430045662094024,0.11444633074378005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810156637307928,0.16739492578940635,0.0,0.09104488939919944,0.0,0.12812592380502744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166361143083028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776392889437416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608256650386936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276290437569035,0.0,0.07826523048126982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693420086132717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878566680826302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024253853340448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444216267277112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393369304037564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523190849604148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102649170058854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037001941372064,0.0,0.0,0.10876473178660828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383606613835603,0.0,0.0,0.09448963073200484,0.12715865747298707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842211582412784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380090564983457,0.17515266179336414,0.0,0.0
bpd,NorthGrapefruit,2019/06/18,"How to keep yourself busy without friends around Long story short it has been really hard coming home for the summer, and it’s been especially hard since losing my grandmother who I was really close with.  But basically most of my friends are at my school a plane ride away, I have no real friends here. I try to keep myself busy with school and going out to distract myself from spiralling but that’s become impossible with those things missing. I want to do better and use this time off to improve myself but on my days off I have nothing to do and just get upset. Not to mention I’m spending way too much money on weed because that’s all I can do. 
If anyone has any advice/ tips to keep yourself busy that would be great!",6.616690140845073,6.4657849999999994,6.539542253521128,79.79198943661973,65.19718309859155,8.790140845070423,31.13028169014085,8.07648339933343,2.1127295774647887,578,19,110,6,8,183,95,142,0.13,0.773,0.098,0.4091,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,2,2,0,14,0,0,2,1,28,24,9,0,3,7,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,9,11,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,4,0,0,3,2,13,5,23,19,3,18,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,2,4,78,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217131390334834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589739791383833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888557207813676,0.0,0.0,0.13862703231170473,0.0,0.0,0.14630746201848852,0.0,0.0,0.09492767008184257,0.1719844977354448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772488236261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414210526110446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042884871957752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609350350373518,0.0,0.08135916136991707,0.0,0.08850131882557333,0.0,0.0,0.17168583484194952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27899554288129197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562034823646899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41524291115568535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781049857884445,0.0,0.17421489217212982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447477451493875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494210080915414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724756564528535,0.19952107007923692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152012233111803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288161831951463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345585003130256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080369196558574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572611234243784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449520436378642,0.0,0.0,0.09184982254695764,0.12360615692666932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011200745795555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106215878784247,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loveliferun,2019/06/18,"what goes on in a bdp mind? i’m a 23yr old female who went no contact after walking in on my 21yr bf of the time having sex w another girl. he has tried multiple attempts to contact me even showing up to my college graduation & parents home. 

i am curious to see what exactly do other ppl who are diagnosed w bdp feel is going on in his head & his emotions. he has been hoovering for about a month now.",3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714288,5.462857142857146,80.83214285714288,72.57142857142857,8.457142857142857,31.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.6725857142857143,318,15,64,6,6,111,65,84,0.027999999999999997,0.943,0.028999999999999998,0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,8,3,1,0,1,3,13,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,14,11,0,15,0,0,1,1,11,7,0,0,5,40,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187347565260455,0.0,0.0,0.25101007442361944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429649569046917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692694999084397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581077741093254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210373697613371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604477621537664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456722290992847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011696192064175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417048598990054,0.0,0.1910702784021568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118831393006363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26580239091125873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075431450325275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395839984863421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252283564380596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190701509198224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,draygonslayer007,2019/06/18,"Can you go from BPD to almost no signs of BPD? I've been studying about BPD and the treatments, specifically DBT and EMDR. 

​

Is it possible to have BPD, go through these and other treatments and eventually get to a point where you no longer exhibit signs of BPD?",4.9855882352941165,6.896814568627455,5.115833333333335,81.09375000000003,69.98039215686275,8.237254901960785,30.39705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.498564705882353,217,9,40,4,4,68,36,51,0.08199999999999999,0.9179999999999999,0.0,-0.4895,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,8,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376338244642298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555669988590734,0.17445176721350403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.904099185655734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500875557239985,0.0,0.16318687852348066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357188910602547,0.1618522140460116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445176721350403,0.0
bpd,HannahDD1989,2019/06/18,"I'm scared to ruin my relationship... Hi! I've known for a while that I live with BPD, however I tried to live a ""normal"" life. (Ignoring it) I recently started dating someone and to be honest, I had been longing for a romantic relationship for about 3 years now (since my last relationship ended, badly).

However, now that I have this wonderful men in my life, I feel like I'm slowly pushing him away with my behavior. I am not comfortable when he goes out with his friends, or even when he is at work and he does not speak to me for hours. I get anxious and frantic. He has been nothing but patient and I feel really lucky to have him by my side, but I don't know how to stop those jealous feeling that just boil up inside... 

​

If anyone has been in that situation, please give me some advice...",4.353337169159957,5.361012101265828,5.620678941311855,80.34831415420027,70.39240506329114,9.036593785960877,29.553509781357878,9.339509955726095,2.5224860759493657,624,24,124,13,11,209,103,158,0.109,0.77,0.122,0.4798,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,2,3,0,12,3,0,1,0,27,22,12,0,2,7,0,3,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,7,8,1,2,6,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,4,20,5,21,17,1,22,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,5,15,82,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258550899421493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809779899590648,0.17730152701638707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648413299363168,0.0,0.1020264879013165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709104171110745,0.0,0.12183212673099313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837736226482036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127690357777621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923652791136536,0.0,0.0,0.09637484581996096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133556521648204,0.10424101776054147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273282365017685,0.0,0.07623406237157318,0.1399740408905846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369593509003822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019053919406298,0.11893941569558852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061268001802041,0.0712862284671745,0.0,0.257689537296005,0.12912933180751554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296477656201936,0.14000845459409772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601697963430879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347626895824697,0.0,0.14407250912850114,0.4699712093843466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608540674921042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070159990363218,0.16401349204764532,0.0,0.0,0.12363249072043485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032787069714779,0.0,0.0,0.12199066920033595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906605361836428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823754971981985,0.1062271573474442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730152701638707,0.0939638563646507
bpd,MiserablyMedicore,2019/06/18,"Need help with uncontrollable anger. For the last couple of day - well more so a week - I’ve had this heavy, overwhelming fullness in my chest and it’s just pure anger. I feel like I need to lash out or have a massive argument to satiate this feeling, but I really don’t want to do that. I feel so tense/frustrated/angry and everything is getting to me. I’m snappy and irritable and I feel like telling everyone I know to leave. I see a lot of things on social media posted by people I know and I feel pure rage. I want to tell them how I feel about them and their actions but it’s not justifiable. Anyone have any advice on how to ease this feeling? I really need help.",1.6091281512605065,3.8514008161764717,3.4691596638655464,87.49264705882356,81.27941176470588,7.121008403361344,21.478991596638657,8.192908349453996,1.1953315126050423,525,16,110,11,14,176,84,136,0.135,0.7040000000000001,0.161,0.1618,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,0,7,8,3,2,4,0,6,1,1,2,2,32,23,13,0,5,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,8,17,3,17,22,3,10,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,2,5,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975317434782626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042145926586707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715528203782712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956713217479466,0.0,0.09883294364801716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464360114688447,0.13773034281056756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424111843419823,0.21896226926570184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800662908461227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054391832496709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844331351318365,0.124918409880016,0.0,0.16226859088113124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497394661708138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302868414752018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408966323980257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106243578619155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677020474714594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635050015154915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211963232284645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621808267070866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678928064997142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181184317617513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807804918925497,0.0,0.12292712463638368,0.0,0.13778927863806315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDwoes,2019/06/18,"WTH UNIVERSE? I'm supposed to start my first CBT therapy this afternoon and the office just called me to cancel, the therapist is out!
I'm freaking out right now. WTF? I'm trying to get help!",1.0860526315789478,3.6708039210526335,2.900315789473684,87.8052105263158,88.73684210526315,6.197894736842105,23.389473684210525,7.554174236665415,1.4757200000000001,151,6,29,3,5,50,30,38,0.306,0.637,0.057,-0.9137,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905585249834209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253403590609065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983189720828676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563706980544526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266389088549931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707238642843853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374033361476436,0.44409294538053457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596812609435006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HomoHominiLupusEst,2019/06/18,"DAE love their FP? It's nothing sexual, I mean like love between child/parents (ironic I know haha), siblings, best friend, pets.

Kinda unconditional and pure?

I find it really confusing because I don't understand that as well as the feeling that I'd do anything for my FP to make them happy.",2.9353333333333325,5.666866927272732,4.7195454545454565,77.55265151515152,79.72727272727272,7.303030303030304,27.34848484848485,8.344100000000001,2.456212121212121,231,10,39,5,6,78,45,55,0.065,0.578,0.35700000000000004,0.9646,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,1,9,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,10,9,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,8,5,9,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229339613420512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514282468588085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843009264944356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697907733217926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476047377500941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930262364589824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28838629330916626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148883791795898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235182234324472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890095679026081,0.0,0.18083299912088366,0.0,0.0,0.2950979139775865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599432528194844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355041511514585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28202447872226544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435785647359727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwmeawayzetrash,2019/06/18,"I have found a way to control my emotions! Starving myself so I have no energy! I’m a certified genius. I know this will end in a binge and manic madness, but is it wrong that I’m actually enjoying the quiet of my mind?

Also I ate a gherkin today after 4 days of nothing but water, and My brain nearly overloaded from the taste",3.3367164179104485,4.545245358208955,5.8389850746268674,77.06683582089553,73.02985074626865,8.345074626865673,28.32537313432836,8.841846274778883,2.402644179104478,257,10,48,5,5,92,51,67,0.155,0.7509999999999999,0.094,-0.4663,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,6,0,4,4,1,1,0,8,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,8,1,7,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.27350839833143753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413616737769848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128800826747779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143527372411621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075447160299735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152721449308849,0.24824084887398765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073075524606747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540320514866319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28299829593210474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26893184287503186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656683445082243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246959779995854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064371942668525,0.0,0.0
bpd,dory19,2019/06/18,"Medication Advice Anyone else on this much medication?  Am I on way too much?? 

​

Lamictal 300 mg

Topamax (migraines) 100mg

Effexon  150 mg

Klonipin -1 mg daily 

HRT - hormone for an early hysterectomy. I'm 30 y/o

and now adding Seroquel for sleep- which I am nervous about.  Is anyone else on this much medication????",3.339408866995072,6.378009689655173,4.934532019704439,74.44224137931037,81.41379310344827,7.452216748768473,30.69950738916256,8.418075326091056,3.107612807881773,254,13,41,6,7,85,42,58,0.055999999999999994,0.9440000000000001,0.0,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794384465963655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896007428974347,0.2231272365011148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567929185768505,0.3762956838596731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067940492082423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5549554789242619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049615236905273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837598870789276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575478268365066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231272365011148,0.0
bpd,kikiinlalapaluza,2019/06/18,"Screw Facebook and drama So out of respect for my boyfriend and our relationship I deactivated my facebook account several months back. It was not good for our mental health and insecurities were flying high that surrounded facebook usage. So we ( boyfriend and I) mutually decided to get rid of the drama. 

Father's Day comes and my boyfriend cannot get a hold of his dad so he pops on facebook and sends his father a message. Cool alright no worries bro. Hours pass and account still not closed down and into the next day..? He freaked when I went on facebook after one of our long fights but he acts like it isn't a big deal now... Why because it involves him and his needs/wants? 

IDK but it sucks that I want to talk to him about it but then again I don't. I want the whole ""you do you and I do me"" thing without fights and worries. I'm not stressing that he isn't loyal to me and our relationship or anything. Just don't know what the hell to think.

 I'm just sitting here like Fucking A really.. This shit is bonkers. I can't say shit or don't know how to without sounding like a controling freak of a girlfriend. I just want him to uphold the same expectation (if that's the right word) for him that he has for me. Screw facebook and the drama that follows.",1.8704987457577111,4.30164752988048,2.9383444001770687,90.55384093256608,81.66932270916334,5.471506566327284,24.834144901873984,6.775458762138228,0.8849184299837689,994,39,204,11,27,317,131,251,0.188,0.73,0.081,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,2,0,29.0,5,2,0,1,14,21,9,2,13,2,13,6,2,2,0,45,28,25,0,5,14,4,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,14,18,0,2,4,3,2,6,13,13,0,1,3,3,29,8,25,25,2,30,1,0,0,3,34,10,7,3,16,134,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493260983450344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739396495134908,0.0,0.08513864698913402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030925584034677,0.0,0.0,0.1566464665753713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014507869601112,0.14398875176448253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911828357636804,0.14593866916218134,0.0,0.0,0.11714459484179435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845764176647394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756401676474576,0.0,0.0,0.13754214899923234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535127501449165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470017578329866,0.0,0.0,0.12359936127985767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407497338145722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147947912035866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853558990704832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464079565197894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947314275029085,0.0,0.0,0.2998964448367451,0.0,0.11927337006964064,0.0,0.11106742157376387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577819911824652,0.286728767451491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153685812218626,0.0,0.15998608498974026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225764664212994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278739367754313,0.08949186003306933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295127589710349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947109651214336,0.12602617482109651,0.15593127655640174,0.0,0.2692646559380311,0.0,0.0,0.28367370481563386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaythecatlady,2019/06/18,"Scared about potential relationship So, my coworker and I are really into each other.  I haven't been in a relationship for awhile, as my last boyfriend was abusive, and made me feel like everything he said/did was my fault.  Even though I know that what he did was unwarranted, some small part of me still blames myself.

I'm so scared of ruining this potential relationship with my coworker.  He is such a sweet and caring soul, and I'm so worried that I might hurt him.  I'm worried that I won't be able to control my emotions as well as I do now.

I'm in therapy though so hopefully I can learn to manage it.  But it's hard to get out of the mindset of ""I'm better off alone"" when I've thought that for well over a year now.  My heart just aches with worry.",3.7065584415584425,4.727063292207792,4.964805194805198,84.4029220779221,71.92207792207792,8.976623376623376,26.98701298701299,9.339509955726095,2.065735064935065,593,20,128,13,11,197,95,154,0.212,0.674,0.114,-0.9397,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,16,12,0,2,4,0,13,1,1,2,0,20,25,15,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,7,3,17,7,21,15,3,13,1,2,0,0,7,7,0,3,7,87,26,2,0.13619841390228055,0.16137284914474728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106048151027076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045642904986045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886336012183026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152758102377609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532048838347264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995776786462231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240635229094432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886601037344321,0.09730017410551912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115804988171234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220070267616048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139577624399776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527575632353822,0.0,0.0,0.14580321900498933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485108638445484,0.11101988549050944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653966538503472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288742323742166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448499389344316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474896098176254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725219150550738,0.0,0.0,0.4386783770926296,0.0,0.0,0.12955588074402452,0.0,0.2727167446431869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876822927702476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575475610672787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26762850028374524,0.10812632712794712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24491746174019924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149483016383148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770731311266326
bpd,radlilbby,2019/06/18,I’m always so needy and I hate it. How do I stop taking it so personally whenever my boyfriend doesn’t want to get sexual every time I want to?,-0.3862903225806456,1.8144877096774223,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,91.258064516129,6.970967741935485,17.427419354838708,8.07648339933343,0.9114451612903238,113,3,25,3,4,41,24,31,0.282,0.639,0.079,-0.8262,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,8,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286970436725053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328302564968624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063871460566739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900108619575922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449254191101049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302632088407435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29701379412373513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034547702597186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659984793866821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nexusindy,2019/06/18,"I thought you were someone else. We bare our souls to someone. Let them in. Trust. It's such a difficult thing for us to do.

We bare all our insecurities, lay them on the table. Naked we stand.

*I'm afraid you'll leave like they did. I don't want to be alone. I'm scared I won't ever fit in. I don't even know why you like me. Why are you my friend? You'll leave me one day. *

They promise you they won't.

Then they do.

Till we meet again, another person to lay bare our souls, and we start the process over again.",-1.7555855855855889,0.1131662792792767,0.1032882882882884,105.30556306306309,102.42342342342344,3.547747747747748,13.373873873873874,5.46131890053228,-1.3910504504504502,391,8,102,3,18,125,67,111,0.14,0.7390000000000001,0.121,0.2187,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,9,6,6,0,5,9,0,3,3,0,13,0,0,0,2,11,19,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,28,5,10,10,1,13,2,0,0,0,24,5,0,0,9,63,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299506808715646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564569074231268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262953402365754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179716193996647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583223796027338,0.18602542047687448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888743164985494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302181922364818,0.0,0.0,0.4355148556919814,0.0,0.21029470032796105,0.0,0.20094388460101995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935617578686704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956875767833516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589509184949809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348499190972116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455626494882917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662708829796869,0.0,0.0,0.16326595629091473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473759133106318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129979901067885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711407041990128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,punktart136,2019/06/18,"My family is supportive but not helpful I (17 F) was recently diagnosed with BPD and Moderate depression. The psychiatrist prescribed escitopralm 10 mg, which makes me tired. I am extremely anxious about my performance in school, in art and as college application dates are approaching my anxiety has heightened. This medication drains all my energy, which further alleviates my anxiety and fear of not being able to achieve anything in life. My parents have not always been supportive and in fact a lot of my fears find their roots back home, but that's because they didn't see how it harmed me. Things have changed now, they're much more considerate towards me, however, they still think I'm in a phase and that I need to muster mental strength. The pep talks make me feel weak and invalid, a disorder is not a choice, I feel very helpless, what can be done?",9.254983870967742,8.884865683870967,8.638508064516135,67.63776209677421,59.903225806451616,13.169354838709678,41.310483870967744,12.38480682065935,5.320629032258065,691,34,119,21,8,219,114,155,0.233,0.6829999999999999,0.085,-0.9823,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,3,5,9,0,2,6,0,14,5,0,4,2,26,24,10,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,4,3,18,3,13,18,4,13,0,2,1,0,6,7,0,1,5,79,26,3,0.15369154500613522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788367741807435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23514722251487144,0.17362769929791194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647504617172758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817931129681156,0.0,0.0936889393223937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356912070763646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258527584487376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237430250735727,0.15599368299962044,0.0,0.0,0.17614382578804633,0.0,0.0,0.15727981110596662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488671043456045,0.3458914338496972,0.1554221261386627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047128777850626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030162029388854,0.0,0.15416515088377028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085568834368048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306630555025562,0.0,0.0,0.20518059945200184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482806242308372,0.1548849287290118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129809695553272,0.11396033320355367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065627256121987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517518592074155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554404874619376,0.12247226285847855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273826637336173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488146878915069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353144214367788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210583329152358,0.09847933624733847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664582204494242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681162051076045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jde4v3s,2019/06/18,"DAE randomly feel that emotions are just sucked away? I was recently diagnosed with BPD due to my drastic behaviour and rapid mood swings leading up, but lately ive been feeling as though I feel nothing at all, is this common or have i just been misdiagnosed",11.078125,8.568243895833337,9.995,66.15000000000003,57.95833333333334,13.766666666666666,44.83333333333333,12.161744961471696,5.403008333333332,209,10,36,5,2,66,42,48,0.044000000000000004,0.9179999999999999,0.038,-0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,12,11,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,6,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807539099985279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763569265291885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032989088191356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33613549271033605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532814440728457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33708519754309096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867285897715917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950515201887771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935919389595015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PaintingFlowersForU,2019/06/18,"I either feel too much or nothing at all I feel way too intensely, fall too hard and fast, become too obsessed with small things and love them (person or some random topic). I get super sad and down, like a sinking feeling in my chest over small things or, super happy and euphoric at small things etc.

And other times I feel nothing. Just empty. Won’t react to anything or care about anyone. I become a different person.",3.771910714285717,5.938192512500002,4.35464285714286,84.19750000000002,73.875,5.571428571428572,22.67857142857143,6.1826913282559595,0.6488571428571429,331,9,57,2,7,105,54,80,0.068,0.631,0.302,0.9727,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,20,8,9,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,7,6,8,7,5,12,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,6,3,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298701500161558,0.0,0.15284398456767384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102591756661253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936909365347254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940534229800667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071434933719417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756525538920597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703881139291312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977182386152692,0.16638197474790845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074068289082454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763298512260533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365365112712287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564352625614781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243530745897886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701820132966535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830350497795002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742770632152732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gweedoweedo666,2019/06/18,"Not sure if BPD playing up or if l’m just too picky with my previous romantic partner There’s this girl (F18) l (F18) used to talk to for about 2 months and when l first started talking to her l was infatuated with her and realllllly liked her. After like 3 weeks of talking we were at a party and she got drunk and really wanted to become physical with me. For some reason l was turned off because l felt like it happened too fast (my ex and l were friends for 4 months before anything happened maybe thats why). But anyway l gave in because she wouldn’t stop and we spent the whole night together at my friends house. When l got home l just felt so weirded out and was like nup l don’t like her anymore. Then she invited me over to her house the next day and it was really nice and we were giving affection etc etc. I saw her probably like 5 times after that night and by then l started to pick out everything l didn’t like about her and questioned if l actually liked her. This went on for about 2 months, l knew l had feelings for her because i’d either really want to see her or kept getting annoyed with her flaws and wanted to see her less. l never showed my negative emotions towards her because l didnt want to upset her and let her down. I’ll also say that my friends would always ask me about this girl and most of my friends didn’t like the idea of me and her together so l felt pressured by everyone around me and l didn’t like that at all so maybe that added to my feelings of discomfort. My mum also wasn’t fond of her and all l want in my life is to please my parents so l also felt like whenever she would come over my mum would be judging me and her. There were times where l enjoyed her company so much l could’ve blurted out “I love you” but l never did because l knew it wasn’t real love l was just feeling so intensely. Anyway 2 months go by and shes very attached and l start to become a dick, reply to her less, bluntly and never wanted to see her. So then l ended things with her and felt pretty fine because at that point she just annoyed me so much. Then maybe like a month goes by and l start to miss her and l really just wanted to talk to her and spend time with her, so l messaged her and we hung out and we started becoming physical again. l knew l didn’t want to date her but l was so attracted to her and really enjoyed her company but after like 2 weeks l went back to being annoyed and not wanting to see her. So she ended our fling and we didn’t speak from February until now. After that l just assumed l didn’t like her very much and that was it, even though l’d still think of her time to time and she’d appear in my dreams. She messaged me and l find myself attracted to her again and longing for her presence, but l’m trying to fight my urges because l know it’ll end how it always does, me becoming a dick. She is kind of on a rampage now and has a lot of sex with many guys. She talks about boys a lot to me now and l’m finding myself to become quite jealous and it ruins my mood when she mentions boys. With my first ex she cheated on me with a boy so i become very sensitive and and bitter when my romantic partners turn to guys. I just don’t know if its BPD or me just not liking her very much but its annoying me so much because l don’t know why she’s affecting me now. 

TLDR: used to talk to a girl and would pick out her flaws and she’d annoy me or i’d feel so intensely l could blurt out l love you. Now we reconnected and l find myself being attracted to her and longing for her attention but it’s really hard to fight the urge to not talk to her in a romantic manner when l should probably avoid it. I don’t know if this is just BPD fucking me in the ass or not",4.4167265523230546,4.2799149464285735,5.5601747720364765,84.90929331306994,69.81632653061224,8.764177160225794,28.28799392097265,8.464757390353514,1.7453393182805046,2914,91,644,41,47,973,263,784,0.092,0.764,0.14400000000000002,0.9846,2,1,0,0,2,0,39.0,8,2,0,3,56,52,11,4,15,0,45,10,3,8,6,162,105,89,0,21,32,5,10,15,6,7,1,2,1,10,24,67,1,3,25,4,2,5,23,18,0,2,38,18,104,33,97,53,17,89,0,2,5,8,104,27,4,17,72,423,128,0,0.0,0.0,0.04503833526283719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107247884796363,0.0768054150443705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577103378077151,0.0,0.0,0.037979703939146105,0.04108564932547863,0.0431465037913877,0.0,0.0,0.0354885441092524,0.0,0.22507384882900694,0.3058318992570878,0.03927251148199516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438296609723497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975642704481267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369828167448975,0.0,0.0,0.02976464540751564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038850082764468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051915526722598984,0.12263266479996275,0.0,0.10294482407586654,0.030483394423112882,0.0,0.0,0.04410084123148041,0.0414790318318558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933446796820948,0.0,0.22156894030344446,0.0,0.1265480760813717,0.0785148522920649,0.0,0.0,0.14262971207982206,0.042667387353532434,0.02411285820462021,0.04427383370797438,0.026229618346975708,0.0,0.07382499125292168,0.0,0.0,0.09139677233329403,0.0816252836596365,0.0,0.041343715028170816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629487765000913,0.0,0.0,0.10650793833622406,0.0,0.052100731606169834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048060889710220635,0.10145717233400414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719421833469627,0.032598986268707074,0.3382178514755571,0.0,0.0,0.08168729754307391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847467645171942,0.12496372356557305,0.0,0.0,0.046791549869353535,0.13909964074803774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419305097039496,0.0,0.16963756505147728,0.0,0.10678732202498607,0.0,0.04908387390853932,0.08662228354709348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124706338065154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066175758887445,0.043629178365257267,0.0,0.0,0.04695384396467933,0.09952073967977387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170153794890598,0.04908903136086143,0.0,0.05253182733885932,0.17739944183226167,0.04745261772207157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036702444978235584,0.0,0.0,0.14711076769425493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333543951925014,0.0,0.03685757119657318,0.03858568751560194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349833267248331,0.0,0.0,0.2596703001314262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030661774288711474,0.029572758801124113,0.04534475080180357,0.0,0.13455992613216455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031334624306754315,0.10040167467268694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972215390176172,0.0,0.15232310084322911,0.2449982938506433,0.0,0.07404175451453016,0.0,0.0,0.08556795014554039,0.08329118803062974,0.05152779291267225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114209232096005,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Brokenbirdcatcher,2019/06/18,"Best friend with BPD I love her and have tried to be supportive, but I’ve become her scapegoat and idk how much longer I can take it. I have tried to set boundaries recently and she isn’t taking it well. My younger siblings came to visit for the summer, so I have limited availability. I tried to give her dates where I’m available to have phone conversations when the kids are busy. She blew up at me stating that she shouldn’t have to make an appointment to see me and that I make her feel like a caged bird when I set boundaries. So we agreed that I would send her updates on their trip. Well I sent a pic of me doing some cooking with the kids. She got upset saying that I triggered her because I know she never had loving family to do activities with and how could I be so insensitive.  Then she goes on a tirade about how she’ll never be good enough for me and I’m so terrible, etc. So I tell her I’m sorry I make her feel caged and inadequate, so I’ll give her some space. She then accused me of abandoning her. Idk what to do! I feel like she blows up at me more frequently since the kids came to town and it’s affecting my time with them :-/",2.7326648900732837,4.205387063291141,3.8131334665778382,89.94129913391073,74.99156118143459,7.352342882522763,23.022207417277368,8.032893268588372,0.94849029535865,902,25,201,14,19,292,123,237,0.17,0.737,0.09300000000000001,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,2,2,15,13,0,1,8,0,19,3,0,8,2,37,41,22,0,3,1,0,3,2,1,3,0,1,0,3,8,15,1,2,4,1,0,6,4,3,2,0,5,5,45,10,25,29,7,30,0,1,1,2,37,9,0,2,14,138,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496337250694855,0.15393175597714426,0.0,0.0,0.14626833208020398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554137582806836,0.0,0.0,0.3188219922789469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128177869813377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401445642162464,0.1554430153680813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139292256898866,0.0,0.21142070922855702,0.1991429609072076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768289093597233,0.0,0.0,0.26740764386175314,0.0,0.11690342988407144,0.11147310564559608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659835712912665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618584040949847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25158769178255097,0.0,0.2791071576088269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245867091624816,0.0,0.21499340043119355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761869688901324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083876766050046,0.0,0.0,0.11106600807174104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529470120036155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560219613045552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816419994487724,0.0,0.0,0.20958941920072496,0.0,0.12182228214706227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812722770802943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838849955629611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506346414957465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900994272925392,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nervous_Llama,2019/06/18,"Ruined my night over a pizza. I had a great day yesterday. Spent the day with boyfriend and on the way home, we decided to get some pizza. So we pick up a few from the pizza place and I carry the pizzas to the car to the house. Except I drop the pizza. It's not really dirty or anything, but it did fall out of the box. And I start crying because I fucked up, I can't do anything right.
Boyfriend says it's fine and eats a slice to prove that he means it but I just kinda sit on the kitchen floor and have a sook and he tells me not to be a weirdo. Which makes it worse, because then I decide that he hates me and thinks I'm a fuckup. 
He gently persuaded me to help him with a cake, and I guess I probably didn't do anything wrong but I felt like I did even though he promised I did good. And I hate myself, and I felt like he couldn't possibly love me.
Ended up sobbing in bed, he left me alone for two minutes and I'd hurt myself, and I think he got mad. I don't know. He left me alone for a bit before coming into bed with me. He didn't lose his temper but he told me to stop thinking that I could read his mind (I kept saying that he hates me and wishes I wasn't around).
I don't deserve this boy, who puts up with me when I freak the fuck out over a dropped pizza, and I really am shit. He doesn't always put up with me, and I'm so horrible to him, but he doesn't abandon me and I don't know why.
Sorry for the rant. I needed it.",0.7842189508120114,2.082412214511041,2.7245355765860486,96.44054562448886,79.85173501577287,5.7057600186937725,18.365346418974177,6.238725200709706,-0.3805285897885269,1100,21,273,8,27,369,156,317,0.22,0.65,0.13,-0.9908,0,2,0,0,0,2,33.0,2,0,0,1,7,22,8,0,21,0,20,12,1,2,1,62,47,27,0,4,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,13,28,8,3,11,1,1,5,12,15,0,1,13,4,46,7,33,31,3,37,0,5,0,3,28,19,4,4,11,167,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208773348907496,0.0,0.0,0.08872642554211269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26324732742253104,0.09492515087954394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300038420342299,0.0,0.09073603895886788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641460453090766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185408768311976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513703230163773,0.0,0.11713032340320065,0.13753772923493315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911122979281644,0.0,0.0,0.09444436520627217,0.0,0.0,0.07042947750469633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476702141817849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715926357081268,0.05571085624272186,0.0,0.0,0.08943792238629397,0.08528340854307484,0.11756223518951063,0.11746724847983595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158312832765224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147322976807323,0.0,0.10696066188619133,0.0,0.0,0.12303909372761815,0.1141518378766114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720439557036308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23171211520734306,0.0,0.0,0.1041900878078218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929401249619476,0.0,0.0,0.09623960765440537,0.0,0.07117773568728758,0.0,0.0,0.11615358604391395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766799475187054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906632983100613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006697557703376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140781915884154,0.0,0.0,0.12021163876769422,0.0,0.0,0.11496740814423405,0.0,0.0,0.21438936751423415,0.0,0.0,0.10666092757715212,0.0,0.13662247084921905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106320636856484,0.0,0.1695962061890371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945628897294572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936587386317135,0.0754747289863397,0.0,0.0,0.08914918637875954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932011304235884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497657726296856,0.10476546877372203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189151386289604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416403953550953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463957498218756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621885890265028,0.0,0.12262161968468795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866719061402637,0.0,0.11658543071940265,0.0,0.0
bpd,tgwjdk,2019/06/18,DAE struggle really bad with alcohol? I’ve tried to quit so many times but I feel like I keep going back to it cause it makes me feel numb and like my swings aren’t there. I feel like I’m free of all the burden of never feeling right.,1.937941176470588,3.092205098039223,3.2648529411764717,94.36433823529413,76.45098039215686,6.668627450980392,18.63235294117647,7.1686216300943375,-0.04261176470588257,184,3,44,2,4,60,40,51,0.2,0.574,0.226,0.5645,1,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,2,12,9,3,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,4,5,5,5,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244454902669291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758879530348627,0.19098944475196905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23498034174797355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626339301334743,0.32682568443420745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299989615164978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203315792139842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352543592250403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526866049736928,0.2319077925685768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641940474487378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24329454643012646,0.0,0.0,0.14653754461038765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534383447545128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391300890772889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338090114403026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530033893372844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ethrowaway1100,2019/06/18,"PTSD/BPD or cPTSD? So some context. 24 year old male here. The mental health team I see (all of whom are involved in my treatment but not as a cohesive team - I.E GP, psychiatrist, psychologist) seem to disagree on my diagnosis. Sometimes they refer to it as PTSD/BPD, other times cPTSD and say the first is basically the same as it’s ‘complex trauma.’ 

It confuses me a lot though. The only two symptoms of BPD I meet are impulsive behaviour (substance use) and self harm, and even these only happen when the cause of my trauma is present (like having to talk about it/be around that person/have them still do it to me). I go through periods of complete stability when the person isn’t in the same city as me or when I go interstate or overseas. 

I don’t have any fear of abandonment. 3 of my closest mates have moved interstate or overseas, or will be moving - I trust our friendships will develop and change to suit the distance and that we are good enough friends that this distance won’t change that. I’m more wary of intimacy than anything else. I’m scared of being close to people, not because they’ll leave me, but because they might hurt me like my abuser has. I sometimes don’t like being alone but that’s primarily because if I’m alone sometimes, I have intrusive thoughts about abuse and memories associated with that, and then I constantly think about how I’m unable to cut the person out of my life. 

My relationships with friends are completely stable. The only relationship that isn’t, is the one with my abuser (again, a caveat that I can’t cut this person out). The only people I’ve had ‘unstable’ relationships with have generally be unfavourable characters (heavy drug users with very toxic behaviour etc). Even after falling out with an old housemate I moved out to ensure our friendship wouldn’t be ruined by living together. 

I don’t understand what a shifting self image is - my self esteem is generally low. And I have to talk myself into believing I’m good. 

Impulsive behaviour - this, definitely. But only when external events have caused this desire to resurface. Every time I’ve left the state I’ve not used drugs, drank, and have even quit smoking. 

Self harm - see above. I’ve always hidden it as well. I wear short sleeves now but that’s because I’ve stopped doing it for about a year. 

Emotional swings - again, generally caused by a specific person/place. Mood stabilisers have removed this aspect of bipolar. And the ‘emotional swings’ that come from this are more unease and anxiety about being around this person and wanting to minimise the contact. 

Emptiness - not really. Hopelessness about the situation when the issue happens again and again, but I have hobbies, enjoy things that I do, and generally enjoy life. When it’s bad it’s more that I feel trapped due to my inability to stop the abuse. 

Anger - I genuinely can’t remember the last time I was actually angry. Neither can any of my friends, and even when I asked them in relation to this most of them said “I’ve seen you really frustrated but you generally just say why you’re annoyed and try to talk it over, and you’re usually annoyed about the situation rather than a person.”

Even when I’ve been put in intolerable situations with selfish people taking me for granted (and I won’t specify, but people trying to use me to get away with illegal things then having a cry when I told them no), I’m pretty relaxed about it. I just don’t get mad. 

So yeah. I know people here aren’t psychs or doctors, but I wanted to ask people with BPD (and given the overlap with PTSD) whether I should just sit down individually with them and ask them to clarify why they think I fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD or cPTSD and whether they can settle on one? It seems treatment is really different for each and I’d prefer not to do the wrong one. I’ve wasted enough time struggling with mental health. I just don’t feel like I fit this criteria for BPD. 

Thanks",5.393445095975545,6.980819497970233,5.9063561870395445,77.09176301809252,68.49932341001353,9.100596401543626,30.19398085500927,9.492444814028406,2.821890973788404,3135,122,562,67,54,1012,319,739,0.185,0.6970000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.9963,2,3,2,0,4,1,91.0,3,2,11,4,42,39,7,5,32,1,56,11,1,7,1,115,95,61,0,8,29,0,2,4,4,8,9,3,0,10,38,45,1,3,13,3,0,9,20,23,1,5,9,8,64,15,85,72,14,71,0,5,3,0,49,24,0,15,40,374,102,4,0.0,0.23360135378164265,0.04809972261389736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209870997670926,0.0,0.0,0.04101305185149461,0.0,0.0,0.06703749164843037,0.0,0.03770655264396674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040561295477949066,0.0877567221094881,0.13823789347544926,0.0,0.046309378022430986,0.0,0.04115491385609009,0.12018638825279172,0.0,0.0,0.05553271184173531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37247257248367854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519025682556118,0.10428411949268716,0.04245878764868612,0.10335880915755474,0.05326474993715342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414251726885711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514973373029077,0.0,0.050450186251991214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432101041571455,0.0,0.041175292858313985,0.11088875377557997,0.0,0.10185905327668453,0.05497114240223047,0.1627771994152287,0.0,0.04152877195041803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554647144884984,0.04984479526152253,0.035212634149272316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041925868199613615,0.0,0.0,0.11424350302086375,0.0,0.05150375937751337,0.0,0.05602504441583784,0.0826838706936978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717359288252424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478547876569204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527657371202761,0.0,0.0,0.05144573242291935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02708837825586052,0.040177755559120516,0.0,0.052190768243104285,0.05355349850709184,0.0,0.06962966938579881,0.09632200209949364,0.0,0.043523785530105684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419044148447647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934502574884836,0.052288675501363485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716173141164372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034426814183008,0.0,0.10020010723420553,0.18743552297248825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205027995581434,0.30126558969204353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014543404362549,0.0,0.0,0.17285137228955216,0.04954985052394039,0.0,0.052425756370942767,0.0,0.0,0.09472890032674887,0.0,0.0,0.15875635726003384,0.05583572094321505,0.0,0.04688587530767143,0.07839443498088795,0.0493476761155988,0.0,0.07855515838137356,0.08974314297224158,0.20567999290953212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621135945598384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624658098210208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03936288809146946,0.08241693906028531,0.0,0.051528388017231065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051230962096130185,0.03705978612677386,0.11885179275926525,0.0,0.0453794141808718,0.0,0.0,0.06549188949947195,0.06316581138981267,0.048426966113082184,0.03913058567533411,0.11496508623833025,0.0,0.0,0.04709850437176456,0.0,0.06692906070217049,0.0,0.04814896045263657,0.05131240724654285,0.0,0.12771165274467605,0.05428573749319584,0.04066923685950249,0.05814478762652256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431743856734194,0.0,0.08895273364513079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389064516020894,0.0,0.06348201444126098
bpd,guilines,2019/06/18,"My sister(15) has BDP... I’m completely desperate and I don’t know how to help her So... I have no idea how to start this post but my sister is currently having a terrible crisis, locking herself in her room and screaming, and when I say screaming I mean howling, and trying to harm(very seriously), telling them that she hates them and wishes they were dead, and trying to throw herself of the balcony, all because my parents took away their phone (because she wouldn’t sleep all night, and for other reasons I will explain further ahead in the post), and I’m sitting here in my room having no idea what to do. She’s behaving so erratically my parents are going to take her to the hospital, and I think it’s the right decision too...

It all started around when she was 11, she, like myself before her, moved from our small school to a big school in the city and it was very different, the kids are snob and mean and she didn’t get along with the people at her new school, she even says she was bullied by some kids, but we couldn’t see any red flags during this time period. Looking back, however, this big change is the root for all her self image problems that at least partially made her reach this breaking point.

As she got older (12/13), she developed very serious depressive issues and she started descending into self harm, and this is were it finally clicked for me and my parents how serious this situation was. At this point she was expressing suicidal thoughts on social media, had plenty of social media accounts where she expressed these kinds of ideas, and cut herself almost everyday. I don’t know much about her condition, but I think she did this as a way to connect with other people, seeing as at this point she had no friends in her life, at least none that really cared for her, and I can only assume she had at least some bullying problems...

At this point we seriously feared for her life, and my parents obviously realized something was wrong, started getting her all the help they could get, she started going to a psychologist, to a psychiatrist, my parents got her into the best and most progressive school in the city, and for a while it made things better, she stopped her self harming behavior and made a couple friends in her new school. 

But it just got worse as she started doing piercings, dying her hair, and dressing weird, which my mother couldn’t handle well at all, she was constantly in conflict with her sister, my mother is the kindest women on earth but she couldn’t help trying to “fix” her which only pushed her farther away from our family. It also made it more difficult to get along with people, as she was the “weird” kid.

During this time I was mostly kept in the dark about what was going on with my sister, and I couldn’t help but feel revolt and anger towards her for her destructive behavior, which the last paragraphs only superficially touch on, and I got more and more distant from her, which certainly didn’t help the situation.

 Before then she always looked up to me and loved me, but in this conflicted time in her life she started to resent me, as I was always had lots of friends, good grades, and while I’m sure she loves me (to this day I’m the person in my family who she listens to the most) our relationship grew more and more distant (despite not being hostile, we still got along).

If I could have been there for her to guide her and to be her friend maybe the situation wouldn’t have escalated to where it is now, but maybe there is still time.

Back to her life, since the end of her 14 things started getting very seriously bad again, the few friends she had in her new school grew distant from her, I can only imagine partly because she pushed them away through her attitudes, and she started getting along with some seriously messed up people. She had no friends in her school again, she found any way she could to skip class and would make my parents life hell because they wanted her to go to school and do well.

At the same time, she started getting along with older (2/3 years) messed up kids, who likely have similar issues to her, and got really attached to them, craving for their attention all the time. These people just exposed her to the vices and habits that they themselves had been consumed by, and my sister started taking them up, because she craved for connecting with other people more than anything else.

These new “friends” of hers she met through social media, and this is why my parents try to limit her time on the phone, as these people are clearly toxic for her, and the only thing she lives for, the thing that is on her mind ALWAYS, what she would spend all her time doing if she could, is being with them and trying to impress them.

This year she started doing drugs, drinking all the time, having reckless sexual behavior, running from home, failed every class this year, and it only made this relationship with my parents worse, as they, while trying to stop her destructive behavior, makes her resent them more and more.

My parents are so supportive, they love my sister so much and do EVERYTHING, and I really mean it, to try to help them, but while my father is super intelligent and can keep his cool when dealing with her (most of the time) my mother more often than not freaks out completely and only makes things worse. They, as parents, always have to try and make her know when her behavior is dangerous and bad for her but it only makes her feel like they can’t understand her and makes her see them as enemies.

This last few weeks her behavior has been escalating more and more, as my parents made the decision to move her to a design school, like she wanted, but seeing as she had no reason to go to school, she thought she would have all the time in the world to be with her friends drinking and doing drugs. My parents are trying to get her into art ateliers, things like that to occupy her time but things have been more and more tense, they fight all day every day, she has been completely impossible to deal with, leading to tonight.

Since the summer I have reflected on how things have been and tried to get closer to my sister. I am the only person in my family she seems to listen to (ex: she doesn’t sleep at night because she is on her phone, so she always screams and freaks out when my parents wake her up in morning, taking on average about 2 hours to get her out of bed, but when I had to wake her up this morning she was ready to go in 15 minutes), and I think it’s because our relationship has never had any fights or conflict, I’m not the enemy, we talk about music about her looks, about the artists she likes, her friends, and I can tell that she still has the same love towards me and looks up to me.

I can see now that her biggest problem all these years has been loneliness, she is the most lonely people I know, and feels like no one has understood her all her life, and it’s my fault and my parents fault and everyone else’s fault, but especially my fucking fault has her brother for pushing her away. My age (I’m 3 years older than her) is no excuse for how I let her push me away like all of the other people in her life did.

All this said, the situation is worse and worse, and I fear the trajectory the story is taking is her ending her life or running away from home for good. She is only 15 for Christ’s sake how can things have gotten this bad?? 

This post is way to long and I have barely scratched the surface of her sad life and our family, there is no way any of the readers have understood even half the situation, and I think i wrote it more for myself anyway, but please, if anyone has any advice, on how I should act, or just anything to say at all, just say it.",11.145239944053245,7.2390377656988525,9.926267845085366,71.00011267724513,59.25658338960162,12.928335101765215,39.81577360856564,10.249600947967076,3.8430548760490013,6085,198,1166,87,56,1908,439,1481,0.151,0.746,0.10300000000000001,-0.9981,17,2,5,0,2,0,173.0,9,0,21,8,56,85,14,2,53,1,122,23,5,23,21,241,229,122,3,23,28,26,6,8,9,7,11,10,5,10,73,94,2,8,34,4,2,20,25,50,2,2,58,28,226,35,193,151,51,189,2,4,11,5,244,80,2,19,88,868,299,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026041397796711024,0.0,0.0,0.026685434984554085,0.0,0.0,0.021311443981698337,0.11087180585426636,0.0,0.0,0.09061222493164592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01863381753153685,0.0,0.04386022375230598,0.02372353633024116,0.0,0.0,0.15022742675944575,0.040983349627195284,0.06675318338450144,0.11371620633179458,0.0,0.045353200848411886,0.0,0.02796680724185778,0.023569149507297767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027170748141989182,0.0,0.028191436940469893,0.0,0.08382388511641786,0.028798437313525143,0.0,0.08510922385237177,0.029486955194385173,0.0,0.05155980189735387,0.05494853792408648,0.022953012087241296,0.0,0.027657776919345883,0.02784285745978486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522123575903632,0.06180947917638449,0.0,0.04452415872205505,0.0,0.047206758343755116,0.0,0.0,0.03520323650415446,0.0,0.04490638694945162,0.025464558217421697,0.023950681923287264,0.0,0.10049039286005718,0.059975766532058335,0.04042407633861405,0.03807654549729058,0.0,0.02919301704882445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029219593455358295,0.18530272069834625,0.024636858139425472,0.13923164828467685,0.0,0.0908725037572115,0.04470435456510339,0.12788332842404362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026310676898633912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717482652374404,0.0,0.053462862574401665,0.0,0.026244202751360076,0.0,0.0,0.0902514833804478,0.0,0.055629912915311004,0.0,0.023687131637565053,0.0,0.027751155983241856,0.05858305645267409,0.0434454897932561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02725072553608613,0.1694087651027105,0.10415605602761416,0.0,0.023531829412790944,0.023583801190901074,0.08951483609108755,0.0,0.0,0.02265629080190518,0.09620817275264193,0.1512973317119763,0.10673173017914396,0.0,0.05354562862355548,0.08708673495491075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02690820674429553,0.0,0.0,0.05664799923005361,0.03918061905840879,0.0,0.020553591138353085,0.10295228058744987,0.0,0.050017145267886885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01805826248690091,0.20268001502006028,0.0,0.0,0.4142726781356165,0.028858606319183862,0.0,0.16627748797946912,0.04653830004005709,0.0,0.029252940295340764,0.10076884897762972,0.0,0.07656801873824118,0.0,0.0,0.07649937325220196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051216692109844565,0.05479985926845254,0.0,0.08583415876486927,0.0,0.022758365560822537,0.025349596919742756,0.08477040535025847,0.0,0.26970524968555776,0.1061802508680343,0.024260531404486144,0.08340312856213902,0.0,0.0,0.044089170070115216,0.1497747078426365,0.05333711263412128,0.08149684809522298,0.0,0.0205159411932808,0.0,0.0,0.2263502296534212,0.0,0.06384652137777802,0.044560033716495334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029150020332955093,0.030241321751010058,0.0251166597681258,0.0,0.08014785980475271,0.02141970632495379,0.0465853439923269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934155974337505,0.06830320847516545,0.0,0.042313151566176606,0.1864731271536034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029608364524937106,0.18093132525345176,0.0,0.0,0.02774287207279077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795388842859031,0.03143690758984779,0.08461192901822626,0.02137646942445872,0.0,0.04792186119275735,0.0,0.02404685769452146,0.0,0.03064539189570668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578962058793204,0.056792716727324576,0.02913683755697445,0.0,0.08580641116216674
bpd,throwaway361477,2019/06/18,"Need some advice, scared I was just recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar with psychosis. I'm not sure how to deal with the stigmas and the disease itself. I made this throwaway account because I need to talk to someone. This is my situation, I've had blackouts in the past where I don't remember everything that happened. Last November (before I knew what was wrong with me, previous diagnosis was anxiety and depression), I believe I had one where I harmed my child. All I remember is slapping her in the face (she's five) and of course children services is now involved. I admitted to it because it is better to be truthful (or so I was told but that another story) but now my child is saying that her daddy spanked her in the privates (not possible, he works thirds and is only around them when I am). She does deflect when she's scared and social services has implied when she's been around that daddy isn't a good one (he smokes weed but again he's never alone with them). I'm now scared that maybe that night I had one of my black outs and did hit her. I'm so scared that children services might find out and I'll never get my girls back. I've never laid a hand on either one. I've always managed to keep myself mostly together around them. Before I knew I had BPD, I was/am known to be a drama queen and extremely emotional so they have seen that on rare occasions. I'm scared to talk to me therapist because she would be required to tell children services ( violent act towards a child). I want to get better and I am working with a therapist too so exactly that. I'm not even sure exactly what my question is. I just need to talk to someone that won't tell. I've told my husband (the girls dad) but I don't think he understands just how scared I feel. Right now I'm binging on apple pie. Eating my feelings, again. I've been reading so much on BPD that I am noticing my behaviors more too. Like how when I get irritated, I become mean and blow up on something stupid. Or how sometimes my reality is slightly different than ""real"" reality. Anyway, any advice would be great. I'm not even sure what to expect.",3.445190476190476,5.434541042857141,4.637142857142859,82.59619047619049,74.28571428571428,7.7142857142857135,29.04761904761905,8.515128840125781,2.305047619047619,1698,73,321,32,36,558,195,420,0.131,0.8109999999999999,0.057,-0.9851,1,1,2,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,4,6,33,20,2,6,11,0,35,5,2,5,10,77,64,30,0,7,14,2,3,1,0,4,2,1,0,9,19,22,1,2,13,2,1,1,11,11,0,6,17,6,50,9,38,38,6,37,0,1,2,0,41,18,0,6,19,219,69,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065795122778752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983936218957728,0.0,0.0,0.06414294366732662,0.0,0.0,0.052422117548994916,0.08083292520534778,0.05897169737303772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587255380605127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592754998933388,0.0,0.14097540386397742,0.08513704523908971,0.13119150467236174,0.08685117167715725,0.0,0.1363551912485807,0.0,0.0,0.19417791943366566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947378834298599,0.06639531799647026,0.0782421511729947,0.0,0.0805399904790882,0.0883489099076627,0.0,0.06745975741160375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887971845266682,0.0,0.08671301897407901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183108314126313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928124014768887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795547393415338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704565436400259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082505156051905,0.0,0.0,0.0646573056707203,0.0,0.08498919891218495,0.0,0.0,0.06816818799279928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685188781116268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283657019330957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766104005722012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294202036790619,0.0,0.0,0.07744471676024722,0.08397084499742989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817776150691613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056668154310075027,0.17147812873151386,0.17836380877770938,0.0,0.0,0.07234136096636662,0.0,0.0,0.08776458633100451,0.0,0.0,0.2089458369514797,0.05862848848612121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358870503314133,0.0,0.06730979834869487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690453071360849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635559964762916,0.0,0.07710832288446959,0.0877424082609695,0.0,0.0,0.07611456874775177,0.0,0.17465013411113395,0.0658322712830646,0.0,0.06130304378492316,0.4630679844052106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664953703891401,0.0,0.07858095957698052,0.13063191265730156,0.05934569434056702,0.07624147096263327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179620617079056,0.0,0.0,0.185879945616398,0.13475567897534493,0.0,0.0,0.17900896961522308,0.0,0.04939453294463969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473207467550766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025076649666531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546818230914938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122411807736162,0.0,0.0,0.10952144240479876,0.08428303821972713,0.0,0.0
bpd,schokoladenkuss,2019/06/18,"How likely to get diagnosed in a mental hospital? So I've been hospitalized multiple times. I also happen to have all the symptoms of bpd in the DSM. I've thought I might have it for many years. I'm very close to getting hospitalized again, since I almost overdosed on impulse (because my fp didn't give me enough attention the day before). My psychiatrist won't assess me. Any chance I could be diagnosed during another hospitalization? I'm tired of my symptoms messing up all my relationships and landing me in the hospital all the time. For background info, the places I've been in have traditionally only held patients for about a week.",5.7617419962335275,7.704259110169492,6.723333333333336,70.2119679849341,68.0677966101695,9.651224105461395,33.45009416195857,9.994966539143718,3.731415065913371,517,24,85,13,9,172,78,118,0.03,0.951,0.018000000000000002,-0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,8,0,10,5,0,1,3,13,18,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,11,1,15,9,4,15,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,7,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792484621433133,0.0,0.0,0.14315088219412173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173008968962047,0.18770320038912708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912028076923462,0.0,0.15232076055833665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545155226047545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429215740588345,0.0,0.0,0.11544393916086908,0.0,0.0,0.3633742597633811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184960853787568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704629586253715,0.17171868487004566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829424728191782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745319720602725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148379604066966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039575463304375,0.1898968771657933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361419853959953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187022972802604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218524970485767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807545645812914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721111549670277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211061860269736,0.20875945556496026,0.2057408466534862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476985408845193,0.0,0.0,0.14358766392999125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527387319530502
bpd,airplanes54,2019/06/18,"Coping with gaslighting coworkers So I work for an insurance agent and I have a coworker Cathrine that is always telling me negative things. I feel she is a pessimist  I try to be positive whilst she is negative.  When I dont believe the rubbish she says about the agent telling me ""what I want to hear"" . She says i am being blind and stupid.  Funny to me she only treats me nasty like this when i am being hopeful work will get better. Is this gaslighting? It's making me question if my agent is actually supportive of me or if I'm stupid and fell for lies. Any advice for dealing with gaslighting at work .also I made mistake of telling her I have BPD so she always makes mean jabs at me in regards to it. Like saying I have 20 different personalities.",3.352213500784927,5.462028700680275,4.312517006802722,84.2842229199372,74.91836734693877,7.244165358451077,28.314495028780733,8.139509932561175,2.0018366300366304,597,25,114,10,13,193,87,147,0.17300000000000001,0.698,0.13,-0.8402,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,6,9,2,0,5,0,15,1,0,3,0,17,26,11,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,6,26,6,15,21,0,7,0,0,1,0,17,3,0,5,5,81,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.1487825698186532,0.0,0.0,0.14898575485199395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219251590634785,0.2537240099928557,0.0,0.0,0.10368053846913662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177437057453887,0.0,0.1348417453616008,0.0,0.0,0.1920226822856099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718337134858762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592921074461843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868631102761134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709022347824568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796559861375789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718376611209538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143084708435184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897211692339088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426483137967486,0.20354139604348784,0.0,0.0,0.16607765638053398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595550771468535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312541467862718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079422751138065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637357409385928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301399041511115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997799596195179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129010202644467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035128385952526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992703548496514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329861498863666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cre215,2019/06/18,"New here Hi, I’m new here. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with BPD but I fit all the symptoms to a T. I have been diagnosed previously with GAD, ADHD, and MDD.

Do any of you wonder if you ever actually care about anyone, at all? I know that I must care about some people, because my mom died a few years ago and it broke me.

But sometimes I wonder if I’m so wrapped up in my own misery, if I genuinely care about anyone else. I’ve never gotten along great with my dad, but am staying with him now due to a mental health crisis, and find myself begging him not to leave me. Why do I do this? I basically spent 1.5 years barely speaking to him and not really caring but now I’m begging him not to leave me..even to go to things like work and out with friends? Is this normal bpd relationship?

Do I just fucking hate myself so much that I can’t stand to be alone, probably 

I’m also having very heavy suicide ideation right now. I don’t need to go to a psych ward, it didn’t help last time, i just can’t stop thinking about it",2.8362383720930247,3.903215400000004,4.414345930232559,87.34756540697676,74.06976744186046,7.23546511627907,23.670058139534888,7.645422480735847,0.9220755813953492,801,22,176,10,16,269,124,215,0.18899999999999997,0.69,0.121,-0.9697,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,2,0,1,15,10,2,0,5,0,17,5,0,0,5,38,36,15,2,6,12,2,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,8,12,0,1,5,0,1,2,9,3,0,0,5,1,26,7,25,29,6,24,0,1,0,1,13,6,1,6,15,114,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.1096061944372142,0.0,0.13498444440788793,0.0,0.0995631560114398,0.0,0.0,0.11632760491494645,0.0,0.08982068737882798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638011141126641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707075509398832,0.11508309405494604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846802810737991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28292125181874994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458062865530146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280008707418216,0.11656838158875228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382730106916767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418499899579824,0.10159808774781452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265664388410634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677663074973993,0.10383620813485203,0.0,0.0,0.12766584873863004,0.0,0.0,0.12383102372009065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089080057020226,0.0,0.11938881282103946,0.0,0.0,0.0752844074161619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172705148288756,0.0915541846927713,0.0,0.23785715097776794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054872915668584835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319015595998712,0.0,0.0,0.13154551832906464,0.0,0.0,0.08256667494648648,0.0832823954816862,0.08662658831263015,0.2169549050154458,0.0,0.0,0.11004782124892662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786717929456435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109783232682385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195380557861551,0.0,0.0,0.12058752952114785,0.0,0.09591898324896253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108540285199547,0.0,0.0,0.11971607474718307,0.0,0.09390290168691803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285769400052565,0.0,0.0,0.11674143815315055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461910780817738,0.07196885791370293,0.0,0.0,0.0654935460692697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267413699279467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101349551408982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436082230210133,0.08176886296522058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446582566383558
bpd,zabracat,2019/06/17,"Am I overreacting Hi all, 

​

So I'm BPD and found out about 2 months ago after staying at a MH facility. Before the facility I had a psychotic break at the hospital, and my Mom was there. I was having suicidal ideation and was hysterically crying, I was also restrained. I was really appreciative that my Mom was there until about a week ago when she asked if I was ready to see ""the tapes"". Without my knowledge, my Mom recorded my breakdown. She says she did it to show ""how bad I had gotten"". This already upset me, but then I heard from other family members she was showing it to people within my family. I guess they wanted to all see how bad I was so they could be a ""united front"" if I relapse again and fall into severe emotional disregulation.

​

I've had about a week to sit with this, because I know my emotions can change so quickly within hours even, but I am still really upset. I asked her if she had shown anyone and she said no one, and after arguing with her I found she had shown it to family members and her therapist to see ""his opinion"". I feel like my privacy has been violated, it wasn't her place to record me at my most vulnerable, and I obviously did not give consent. I didn't agree to her showing that sensitive moment with others, especially her therapist. 

​

I've talked to some of my friends about it, and most have been really validating, but one said I need to realize that because technology is so accessible and this is the world we live in, I should be careful about how I act if I don't want it to be recorded. I said that I can't control how I'm acting during a mental breakdown and I'd never expect my mom to violate my privacy in such a way. Then he said I should learn from my mistakes and move on. ""It exists so maybe use it as motivation not to have a mental breakdown again"".  

​

Is this my mistake?  Should I feel violated that my Mom took this video of me? I'm starting to doubt myself and wonder if this is just my disregulation making this into such a big deal, or if my anger/sadness is justified or valid. Should I accept this as my fault for having a break down and should I have been thinking of the possibility of being recorded?? Idk. Please let me know your thoughts",4.877482993197277,5.852522814058957,6.250936507936507,76.42878571428572,69.15873015873015,9.14530612244898,29.665986394557823,9.3871,2.6046767346938773,1775,66,337,36,30,602,202,441,0.142,0.78,0.078,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,1,1,2,2,26,16,4,3,15,0,48,0,0,8,4,80,81,41,1,18,15,5,2,1,1,5,0,6,0,0,23,21,0,2,14,4,0,6,9,12,0,2,31,11,69,4,48,39,5,45,0,0,3,0,38,15,0,15,20,262,92,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281867328901955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644821505748214,0.05540030117420091,0.0,0.3002437428786519,0.33671356861127977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843966012621073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952813931613655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568577793270468,0.08446048429699728,0.0,0.0589491023783695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725118353433607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063189296263743,0.0,0.07328523108883504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769935803688431,0.055311557468525535,0.0,0.07609685749051517,0.0,0.07142091246117895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585322070377494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045756399855204966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592283496868707,0.0,0.0700564449714226,0.0494910642853342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519159639304326,0.053522764284157566,0.0,0.0,0.06645622236639542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631574990707106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822328593739307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614498046144877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083979871148785,0.0,0.03384494310898243,0.0,0.06117231839231978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046242525861113375,0.0,0.06959744151673591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396286070199051,0.0,0.0,0.4056783323651316,0.05529575068819318,0.07362983524147798,0.0,0.051367562716758734,0.05343021994445847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938869446215121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480275236183642,0.0,0.0723790790594521,0.07604466895741742,0.0,0.07809871669624836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331406811508598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26359083039223097,0.05509136301482511,0.0,0.0,0.1656129321474311,0.0,0.0,0.07826259789115725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903418285662999,0.0738394103845438,0.05532421166598776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577712270771704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568173524442758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087044817189766,0.0,0.04438951114642919,0.0,0.054997712553145034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696861429782494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983255507269546,0.0,0.0,0.08172201517451089,0.05498837097295424,0.11113867696371224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677996435476878,0.07512728591663638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33671356861127977,0.0
bpd,xxroboturner,2019/06/17,"Just wanted to say; I’m not/haven’t actually been diagnosed with bpd but I’ve known my whole life something in my head is wired backwards as fuck. And I’m currently in search for the proper help to better understand my wiring and ways to deal with it. But in the mean time, while I’ve been following this sub, I just wanted to say how much it’s helped me in my life and in my brain. I’ve been convinced for the longest time I’m just batshit crazy. And I’m completely overreacting to even the smallest situations. But seeing everyone’s posts and discussions have made me feel so much better with knowing I’m not the only one with these type of thoughts or mental reactions in my head. So thank you all for that. I’m somewhat scared and also excited to finally understand what is wrong with my brain and I feel good about it because I know that now I’ll at least have a place to vent or just ask about something without freaking someone out and scaring more people off. I hope you all are having a great day, and thanks again for the unintentional help. 🖤",5.628748619801249,6.103308937799042,5.867559808612441,81.62984173721019,67.2775119617225,9.301582627898416,30.90945896209054,9.265573868473778,2.481434744203166,844,31,169,15,13,269,119,209,0.081,0.726,0.193,0.9808,1,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,13,14,1,2,8,0,9,8,4,2,2,43,33,20,0,3,11,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,15,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,5,5,15,9,30,28,8,22,0,0,1,1,10,11,1,4,8,106,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.1163393831772312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533843794014453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145255720599427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267406918262094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087692598710767,0.0,0.0,0.15015065568752195,0.2661730027223141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499760341496025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688562348033014,0.12290832515328502,0.0,0.12100356554742787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874223777670318,0.0,0.0,0.11391772445685705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056021158104226,0.0,0.0,0.1305972812816006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110214942393527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999424105235308,0.0,0.13143805413345386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24470373057674455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397275509828089,0.0,0.0,0.11841018316374305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103797886134974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841412687976418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128067724420662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298631427483861,0.0,0.0,0.12014351007928488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527761243041165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078507204358105,0.09067051510114374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265061710604113,0.0,0.12455723508391052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141777051638634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961357185808245,0.2387156469322253,0.0,0.09500115774927746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340058111587476,0.0,0.0,0.10101286179404936,0.1835593860199222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951948027331664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946456227487026,0.1390337250720457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482198850218268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406355039038474,0.0946295468132942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310242505545836,0.0,0.11492171256005848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034595786110173,0.0,0.0
bpd,spookorbs,2019/06/17,"Official BPD diagnosis: advantages and disadvantages? Hey there again. First off, you guys/gals/non-binary pals ROCK. You were amazing last time I needed advice, and I really appreciate the validation and acceptance.

SO. As per my previous post, I’m not officially DX’d with BPD, but I do have diagnoses of MDD, GAD, and ADHD-PI. My psychiatrist has confirmed that BPD is a possibility.

In your opinion, would there be any advantage or benefit at all to seeking an official diagnosis from my psychiatrist? What are the definite disadvantages? I’ve heard that people have had insurance problems, and obviously there’s all sorts of stigma.

I don’t currently see a therapist due to money and time constraints (school, work, etc.) as well as previous bad experiences. Does DBT require a DX? I also don’t need or want to apply for disability, so that’s a non-issue.",4.788039215686275,7.661735777777783,6.820679738562095,64.32905882352944,73.57516339869281,11.400261437908494,31.768627450980397,10.93419730881044,4.8394596078431364,686,33,109,28,15,239,109,153,0.126,0.736,0.138,-0.7062,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,5,8,8,0,0,7,0,12,2,0,0,3,23,18,15,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,2,1,1,3,2,11,6,14,13,3,11,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,4,7,70,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957302167474712,0.1591482776262113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024184146686393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075273026681852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359841772529811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6153624388038802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530297266720131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425229018932603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816357968422183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931170434200553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385315666721463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998712768955207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327554481752341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415223678607296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290900923950214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360406826551906,0.1559781646972061,0.0,0.0,0.15583832567428785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433449590051304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482650543291838,0.12978108299317884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909701719514027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993397385794708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606108197176977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643379992515115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856653069604844,0.0,0.0,0.11569352151555867,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xvanilllla,2019/06/17,"I’m excited but therapy advice?? I just emailed a therapist in my area specializing in BPD. I’ve never gone to therapy before, I’m happy to finally be getting help. What should i expect?!",1.533333333333335,4.262572333333338,5.2457777777777785,70.27700000000002,89.55555555555556,9.546666666666667,29.42222222222221,9.3871,4.256062222222223,148,8,24,6,5,55,28,36,0.0,0.708,0.292,0.9028,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660083803576588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316375563996289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428491721069047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982016266381865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422227237718083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28978123321573945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246205676854316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995138325245188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6226102511447711,0.316066199551877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,headshots202,2019/06/17,"DAE get really upset when someone says something short and bland like “ok” or “k” Whenever it happens i feel uneasy, slightly angry because I think they’re upset with me, and paranoid.",7.658181818181816,8.419913757575756,7.651060606060607,69.59659090909092,62.93939393939394,9.024242424242424,37.71212121212121,8.841846274778883,3.726830303030305,146,7,21,2,2,47,30,33,0.33399999999999996,0.5489999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.8268,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28163760480123345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23360663305292384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138166792785695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085547832540295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257152274507312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29597606386024466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36740967456854173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914604035492388,0.35567862374354725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960379804031607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psychicemo,2019/06/17,"Reversed splitting? So at work we were this group of three guys. One of them left the workplace and eventually became my current favourite person while the other one (a coworker as of today) just became a “friend” of mine. Thing is this friend started being a total asshole to me (he told me repeatedly that I’ve got fatter, that I was seeking attention every second of the day and things like that), so I started splitting on him really hard until today. 
I don’t know why but I talked to him through the phone because my go wasn’t answering and I don’t even have more friends than them so he was the only option left. I started venting and he ACTUALLY DESCRIBED MY TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES which I never talk about because I’m ashamed of them and I think people would laugh at me if I do. He really made me feel understood and I now am feeling “reverse splitting” towards him - I mean I now think he is the best man in the world because he apparently knows more about me than myself. 
DAE feel like this? Is reverse splitting a thing? I’m confused.",3.90758560140474,5.947517985074626,4.813216271583261,81.61322212467078,73.12935323383084,7.1174714661984195,29.73397717295873,7.928766900206844,2.139804565408252,829,36,150,12,17,269,114,201,0.07,0.802,0.128,0.9039,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,3,2,9,9,0,2,11,0,14,0,0,1,2,27,32,14,0,2,3,0,4,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,11,7,0,0,11,0,0,1,4,2,0,4,8,4,29,7,20,22,4,22,0,0,0,0,24,8,0,3,15,110,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.13433493871072125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25174621945434433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446421063803108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877841050808596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092220877227973,0.0,0.11598330991370548,0.0,0.0,0.13465652802308956,0.0,0.0,0.2088129770597818,0.0983433332507168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190640848305367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823455623933791,0.0,0.1100981599053893,0.0,0.0,0.13630365929490354,0.0,0.0,0.12331506908439367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513071358844998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991329491624264,0.0,0.0,0.13450607971688056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025589828917894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995057430646827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617080076037193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656206359944946,0.10469557046238033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543514225470184,0.12019818210890085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637525163677495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923064024776965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128954081691146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27436277645244506,0.17641214835637742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26096851866057663,0.13153869407803173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242154774809161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021710224754206,0.0,0.0,0.09778872171629938,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carelessweakness,2019/06/17,Involuntary Assessment My work called the police because I attempted suicide yesterday morning. They're on their way over. I'm incredibly anxious and scared. Wish me luck.,5.256428571428575,8.734997499999999,5.5582857142857165,65.18671428571432,91.85714285714286,9.382857142857144,37.74285714285715,8.841846274778883,5.583462857142856,142,9,18,5,5,45,27,28,0.27899999999999997,0.561,0.16,-0.6436,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,8,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160854613407018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245183556432001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760856864663429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36874255919842425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028713575897523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923473322017141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42353831990077895,0.0,0.0,0.2681340643690406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madismed,2019/06/17,"How to feel more in control of my life? Hi everyone, something i really struggle with is feeling completely out of control of my life. as if someone else is controlling me and making decisions for me. I also don’t like when i get into a very set routine because that also makes it worse. I try to do small, random things to make myself feel like i have more power (ex: sleeping the wrong direction in my bed, moving furniture, shaving my arms) but it really doesn’t do anything but make me feel crazy. does anyone have any advice or tips to try and help me feel more in control of my life :(",4.619396551724137,5.627409560344836,5.73051724137931,79.80370689655173,69.77586206896552,8.558620689655173,30.017241379310345,8.841846274778883,2.4721586206896555,463,18,86,8,8,154,74,116,0.106,0.825,0.069,-0.6753,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,4,4,0,1,2,0,8,5,2,9,0,25,18,11,0,1,4,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,5,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,15,2,16,18,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,3,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543475482606306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530355334238834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729118388553304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897543346861788,0.0,0.1056317417354918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824884150299316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458607406849593,0.0,0.5758796959328948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233125185349664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723074423146076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265626606109882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245207332434689,0.0917024920543876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706432505256232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603895608495048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719995688138317,0.1254232727200566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34273296980684864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642946416083335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446514041351226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845561706438216,0.0,0.10876148124338818,0.09882004313647563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419278923281522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527861691619949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429998651138254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059128480464335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081277663614954,0.0,0.14034469669779046,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrapn,2019/06/17,"Excerpt from a book about loneliness, depression, isolation, anxiety ""If you are not being touched at all, then speech is the closest contact it is possible to have with another human being. Almost all city-dwellers are daily participants in a complex part-song of voices, sometimes performing the aria but more often the chorus, the call, and response, the passing back and forth of verbal small change with near and total strangers. The irony is that when you are engaged in larger and more satisfactory intimacies, these quotidian exchanges go off smoothly, almost unnoticed, unperceived. It is only when there is a paucity of deeper and more personal connection that they develop disproportionate importance and with it a disproportionate risk. ""
...
""No doubt it was ridiculous to be so sensitive. But there was something almost agonizing about speaking and being misunderstood or found unintelligible, something that got right to the heart of all my fears about aloneness. No one will ever understand you. No one wants to hear what you say. Why can't you fit in, why do you have to stick out so much? It wasn't hard to see why someone in this position might come to mistrust language, doubting its ability to bridge the gap between bodies, traumatized by the revealed gulf, the potentially lethal abyss that lurks beneath each carefully proffered sentence. Dumbness in this context might be a way of evading hurt, dodging the pain of failed communication by refusing to participate in it at all. That's who I explained my growing silence, anyway; as an aversion akin to something wishing to avoid a repeated electric shock.""

Source: Olivia Laing, The Lonely City.",12.048159340659346,11.174782464285713,10.510000000000002,58.073461538461544,54.714285714285715,13.329670329670328,47.25274725274726,12.230961643895464,6.1113021978022015,1350,72,191,33,13,420,182,280,0.242,0.691,0.067,-0.9956,0,5,3,0,0,0,43.0,0,6,1,2,13,15,2,5,19,0,23,3,2,0,6,41,34,17,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,0,2,17,13,0,2,5,2,1,4,6,13,0,2,5,9,10,2,40,21,10,27,0,4,1,0,17,16,1,10,6,147,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920988210764013,0.13518212976282054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368644072866127,0.099849490627024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036388190715592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498126988423726,0.0,0.0,0.13327824649817785,0.0,0.13307656805300028,0.0,0.1380756855466421,0.11243372894341294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241899041891758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180652338851243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687429905730226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311137833315166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417904521925164,0.0,0.10439090824767472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692268130009392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471085430462516,0.15467000065357553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972722523235045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27692786787859697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594918570584668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768910877388212,0.0992683774140109,0.13888533083078647,0.0,0.0,0.14134333981826305,0.0,0.0,0.11396736703728835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714470689293274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146565296998602,0.0,0.10379687152449722,0.0,0.0,0.10400967471843887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105914406359706,0.3014482004814358,0.12909026498115586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587870985690625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769856566038226,0.10360282564955237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533292433895624,0.0,0.15009463702685175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eatenbyjunkies,2019/06/17,"Positive coping mechanisms Hey guys, I'm making this as a place we can share our positive coping mechanisms no matter what aspect of your personal illness it links to.  For me a good one has become challenging some of more extreme thoughts or distracting by playing video games. They are basic I know but I would love too hear yours",3.697470725995316,6.7331133606557385,4.251194379391105,80.10475409836069,79.327868852459,8.075878220140515,26.747072599531606,8.841846274778883,2.7826843091334883,269,11,44,7,7,85,54,61,0.075,0.664,0.261,0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,2,2,1,1,1,6,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,10,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,8,5,6,8,2,1,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,2,0,30,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644303226137837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767665086185056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267261064806237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719046434030817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134506309665052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29781438891525985,0.0,0.22026018574599945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359890032357246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28812054092782924,0.34475256489320705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619624719234389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344040392558877,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slothgummyworms,2019/06/17,"DAE feel like they were somehow born with a sick and incessant desire to be an outcast? From a very young age I have always been the ""bad"" kid and very unique and outgoing. I'm attractive and I was socialized very well early on, but the thought of fitting in or being popular has always disgusted me. Recently however I have lamented on how my cynicism has affected my overall high school experience.",8.251216216216218,8.105723716216218,8.687162162162165,65.73047297297299,61.83783783783784,13.345945945945944,41.47297297297297,12.602617957971056,5.732118918918919,321,17,53,11,4,107,59,74,0.18,0.6709999999999999,0.149,-0.6829999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,2,0,5,0,9,1,0,2,0,13,12,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,1,7,4,7,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,6,37,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018654357861207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016277336712653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362161432504536,0.0,0.0,0.12210076710440985,0.1725150888406622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551394346535843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797611248751172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23843475673746514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439310080589005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461609162239044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191710067345442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5977448588614601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712169612830792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,witch-bitch-,2019/06/17,"I deleted all of my social media I’ve been in a rut lately, cutting people off so they don’t hurt me. I’ve literally ran everyone out of my life and seeing them on social media just makes me feel sick. I just feel kind of alone but it’s also my fault.",0.023696969696967333,2.032049945454545,3.003181818181819,89.85810606060606,85.9090909090909,5.121212121212121,16.439393939393938,6.42735559955562,-0.25196969696969784,197,4,43,2,6,70,42,55,0.203,0.797,0.0,-0.8372,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,9,7,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,3,9,1,7,5,1,6,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832761228944052,0.0,0.21872758486679386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26135260113672754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765919442345655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29280043668537986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848208376067273,0.0,0.0,0.30853364299472363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193189735565982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257149844614495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961890144145452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179537890802709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576224296339631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sundrestatic,2019/06/17,"my friend is bpd First of all, he blame shifts me and everyone else a lot, tries to manipulate me feeling quilty so i lend him money for drugs. He is a long term childhood friend but he has been a huge asshole to me for the past year and almost everytime i leave his company i feel so fucking shitty. I dont think he does this on purpose, so should i tell him to stop being a asshole or something because otherwise we get a long pretty well.",5.729666666666668,5.225550411111115,6.376666666666669,81.405,67.1111111111111,9.422222222222222,32.44444444444444,8.841846274778883,2.467044444444445,347,13,72,5,5,114,66,90,0.107,0.721,0.172,0.4957,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,1,1,14,12,7,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,13,3,7,9,3,10,0,0,0,1,11,2,1,3,8,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275877711021406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343254955796325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550218868677684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719537497286011,0.0,0.23731009093979985,0.0,0.2348175028602101,0.0,0.1691496499789172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348242540564875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476429155633605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223304167938458,0.0,0.0,0.31287773495366217,0.18719347205991232,0.10578968923527272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144016367006688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583844664211244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214491049168285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329417540822255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059993269679308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588230621020138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928594099320568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698020258260924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974376313468938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747354791313807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205770259905826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039325014208958
bpd,jungle-asian,2019/06/17,Can bpd be triggered in late adolescence? I came across this sub and reflected on my past beahaviours and some of them i could relate to on this sub. I have various mental illnesses but i was thinking that it kind of made me bpd like. I've also been sexually assaulted and been taken advantage of in my early twenties.,4.359344262295083,6.353714114754107,5.610622950819675,76.56675409836069,71.78688524590163,9.47016393442623,30.2327868852459,9.888512548439397,3.3118891803278703,255,11,45,7,5,85,46,61,0.10400000000000001,0.807,0.08900000000000001,-0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,11,11,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,0,8,3,9,3,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816421691838105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6556850381919962,0.0,0.0,0.2977172891544067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078307663123949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27106552042143817,0.0,0.0,0.2936331246289109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717089852589786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463049946678948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26232420242905063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484886696225939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667916533184706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goldendrown,2019/06/17,"Is it normal to greatly struggle when you spend time alone? When I am around others, even though I have difficulty connecting to others and people make me feel ashamed and guilty, I can manage it. However when I am alone, it feels like the whole world has stopped and doesnt exist  its just me in the prison of my self destructive mind. I really lose my mind when Im alone. People look forward to the weekend and free time, i dont. Even if im at a coffee shop or something where atleast i am reminded that i am not alone then I am ok.",5.7587461773700275,5.172901403669723,6.109678899082568,83.61601681957188,67.07339449541284,9.468501529051991,30.093272171253822,8.841846274778883,2.0744850152905205,419,13,90,6,6,135,71,109,0.261,0.672,0.067,-0.9642,1,4,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,10,8,1,2,4,1,11,0,0,1,0,16,15,12,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,2,2,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,3,14,5,7,15,1,15,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,2,11,61,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6138578023337461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319070255305686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365981293389707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573617321094156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984330597317866,0.10585613774251146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633632879683445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201085156382894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239074389219745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442954968079713,0.16576974812447234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890785857612336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299228703899182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517988604870544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545155894268527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949245989254512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545786774145676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407223362884808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388080392534373,0.0,0.15490451854520826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455810313306055,0.0,0.17280388557179108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543192104428378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,another_redditt_acc,2019/06/17,"Anyone in the UK been voluntarily admitted themselves to a psych ward? Is it a right to be able to have access to a psych hospital if you know you're at risk of killing yourself? I've had 5 attempts prior, and I'm not at risk now, but I can feel a crisis coming up. Or can they just refuse? 

I got diagnosed with BPD last February after a suicide attempt. It's been hard getting therapy as the mental health team I got admitted to, the doctor I first saw enrolled me to do CBT, occupational therapy and talking therapy. The psychiatric nurse I saw didn't even enrol me for DBT (because the waiting list is too long), I'd tell her I was always planning suicide and told her I even went to train tracks one night, and she had the biggest fucking smile on her face and was like ""well you didn't do it so that's good"". They suggested I self refer to a place that does short term therapy and they didn't offer me long term therapy. She then decides I don't need the DBT or talking therapy. And the place she told me to refer myself at has an 8 months waiting list. I opened up about my past and everything, opened up a lot of trauma and then I got left and I didn't have the guts to say anything, and now the skills I did learn while I was there aren't working anymore. So now I've had a really long depression episode and don't know who to see for long term therapy. Can anyone give me any advice?",5.031275195392843,4.973087384615387,6.030617030028798,81.79058617852739,68.51048951048952,9.386754422048536,30.809543397778693,9.168548406835145,2.4076493624023043,1096,40,230,19,17,365,153,286,0.136,0.821,0.044000000000000004,-0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,2,3,7,12,9,2,2,19,0,27,6,2,0,0,36,49,22,3,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,16,0,3,9,1,0,2,8,6,1,2,21,6,32,3,27,27,4,38,0,1,3,1,26,16,1,4,21,145,38,6,0.08602347246471524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406114169426347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157842028734306,0.0,0.0,0.05849891114657117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531216948840309,0.12029922418537772,0.0,0.07078998816358366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243911037348597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834355217489544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410160448954624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409189078243025,0.08731201377181609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804866919427175,0.07527972045582344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136353845125065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731235022576108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349605239430391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731715217333755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795273141298612,0.04494371387492213,0.08252155333189892,0.0,0.07215240734739603,0.20640248797138816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706013459642018,0.0,0.0,0.09143892859106796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517222684441398,0.0,0.09455250151689697,0.0701206114586681,0.0,0.0,0.09346475453419653,0.0,0.0,0.0420267234328274,0.0,0.0,0.3045122645218466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313408006101448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669142730777843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686631150095362,0.0,0.0,0.0637853148331246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072720151829599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829173124705695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211913822637075,0.0,0.0,0.17975243912565686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551088392177994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346357546059873,0.0,0.0684093180333067,0.0,0.0,0.06854957005785277,0.0,0.0897412428029281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881914334036768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382848173118311,0.07518830657219143,0.0,0.688627364483562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439822878991986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734543274950426,0.0797446208070824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262611248892498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jrez23,2019/06/17,"I engaged in harmful behaviour for the first time ever today and I'm scared that I'm going to keep doing it I want to start off by saying that I haven't been officially diagnosed with bpd, but I can relate to 90% of the stuff on here and im pretty positive I have at least a mild form of it. anyway, I had been having a good couple of days where I was on a high and happy and hopeful, and suddenly something super minor triggered me and I was immediately flooded with that same fucking emptiness and despair like before.

I didn't want my family to see so I locked myself in the bathroom and turned the shower on so they couldn't hear me cry outside. I saw the razor and I just wanted to try it to see if it would stop the pain I was feeling so I cut on my inside upper thigh. I don't even know why. I was so nervous that my first couple cuts were so shallow that I kept going. once I saw some blood and felt the sting I stopped and kind of looked at what id done and it sort of took me out of the depressive episode for a while I guess, because it was so real and so just.... there, occupying my mind. I know it was only once, and I know that it doesn't necessarily mean ill do it again, but im just so. fucking. scared that this will become a habit, because what if I do it again to snap out of that sadness and loneliness??

​

I don't want to make myself even worse than I already am. I was fine and normal before this year and now im so lonely and empty and disconnected and down. I don't know why im like this but I wish everything could go back to normal. I don't want this to get more real.",2.1640230259585143,3.4274571173020583,4.076904529162594,88.32794938633648,76.0674486803519,6.5767785380688615,22.600304116433147,7.093109894594671,0.6208676224611711,1251,34,276,13,27,426,167,341,0.149,0.6990000000000001,0.152,-0.4399,1,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,3,23,22,4,3,13,0,30,7,2,2,1,65,65,35,0,14,8,0,2,2,0,2,3,2,1,0,25,24,0,4,7,0,0,4,8,13,0,2,18,9,39,9,35,43,5,35,0,4,5,2,3,15,2,6,18,198,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099835269606205,0.0,0.0,0.0980235934721559,0.10993026415691463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956541006818842,0.0,0.11029865399108618,0.09991638155238483,0.15396564915382685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394308454502468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223248113847094,0.2002054149716004,0.0993764246560652,0.058345300301237565,0.0,0.07792119056513049,0.091824570703928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258164085551727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950841526695967,0.08183478213420563,0.0,0.0,0.08130809338730226,0.0,0.08528653039360709,0.0,0.04574406391382263,0.0,0.08686484372608869,0.0,0.0,0.15390650795158245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727506705539225,0.047266545050608524,0.0,0.15424759189518772,0.07588146858282882,0.0,0.0,0.0996622806882195,0.0,0.0,0.09630639430439376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196562674820754,0.0,0.0,0.095585923680152,0.0,0.08985656072855541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39089005154058337,0.0,0.0,0.08041338937376365,0.0,0.09420999324854827,0.1988785388334304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839759090650554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759715388872344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060389049412662786,0.0,0.0,0.09854773517776684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913483379662257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728167283234406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926939882919909,0.0,0.06880608093654249,0.09626585588466363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203993828614293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059480433578149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194492474968615,0.18115137104179316,0.0,0.14418485087175975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964778989652776,0.0,0.0,0.06403473072236883,0.0,0.0,0.15127299483023926,0.0,0.0,0.10356585681191506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275345424885262,0.0,0.08575444470834295,0.0,0.10051486949514188,0.06142280682243258,0.09840476476910977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26680607950018964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632691843480475,0.0,0.10403538379940216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219608182475128,0.06426688991116797,0.0,0.10993026415691463,0.058259349060280435
bpd,baby-bambi97,2019/06/17,"UK BPD'ers, how did you get your diagnosis? I've had emotional instability and MH issues for most of my life and after a lot of research I came across BPD and I seem to tick every single box in the diagnostic criteria. 

I have a GP appointment tomorrow, I've prepped a huge essay that essentially presents all the reasons I believe I could have BPD.

She's previously mentioned that I may have C-PSTD however it doesn't cover the recurring sucidial thoughts, attempt on my life or self harming habits.

My conundrum is that while researching I found out how hard it is to get a diagnosis via the NHS and even when you do finally get a diagnosis not all areas provide DBT. 

Im not sure what to do, I don't want to tell the doctor I think I have it because she might think I'm a hypochondriac with a degree in WebMD. 

I'm also not sure how to bring up my list which basically includes subheading such as suicide, unhealthy/impulsive habits, self harm, childhood ttauma, unstable relationships with friends, unstable romantic relationships, 

I'm scared the doctors will fob me off/not believe me/ask me why I want a diagnosis (so I can access the right treatment duh) 

How did you get your diagnosis? Was your doctor okay or a off with you?",5.655664893617022,6.830075808510639,6.858976063829791,72.0471875,67.51063829787232,10.640957446808512,35.113031914893625,10.686352973137794,4.058622340425533,985,48,178,28,16,333,140,235,0.124,0.8240000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.935,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,7,0,1,9,7,0,1,16,2,19,5,0,5,4,35,35,15,1,3,5,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,7,1,27,4,20,24,5,20,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,7,8,114,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943327457257698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102768827196492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190745555706753,0.0,0.0,0.2658015481968867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457003050255917,0.0,0.0,0.13491506730467395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094181637568507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622118522903433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326893710646289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791161313898684,0.0,0.09938657336414007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921965572111185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293372932402783,0.0911357737547638,0.0,0.24651738635631504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566918783037632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741728022866844,0.12311982318732945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663758449189714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028556118208656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513715286439298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128275293354722,0.0,0.25329026289991485,0.0,0.10073738379374247,0.0,0.0,0.1180987590595829,0.0,0.0,0.10738655447827923,0.2461164723248367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290293355218503,0.0,0.22235222366180266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310243203486312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116829255857298,0.0,0.09364723880221107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915198860407332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644075147367332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soylentbleu,2019/06/17,"Can't stop thinking about him I can't stop thinking about my friend. (i don't want to call him my FP, because of how toxic that designation is, but he does fit the label.)

I'm trying so hard to mentally push him into the ""regular imperfect human friend"" category but it's really difficult.

I saw him twice last week, Tuesday and Thursday, and by Saturday i was already missing him like crazy.

I feel like he's a drug, like i get this high when I'm with him and then feel down when it's over and within a couple days i need another fix...

I hate feeling this way. I wish I could just have normal friend feelings for him, where I enjoy seeing him but i can also cope with not seeing him for a while.",2.9877622377622366,4.291355888111887,4.663216783216787,84.78405594405596,74.03496503496505,7.717482517482518,24.88811188811189,8.296473431620573,1.4743342657342655,544,17,113,9,11,184,91,143,0.132,0.6409999999999999,0.22699999999999998,0.9347,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,1,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,0,26,25,14,0,5,5,0,5,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,8,23,7,14,22,0,21,0,1,3,0,16,7,0,0,15,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789440527626924,0.12967672834390132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003553560455265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988492755981307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558021531701714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294690039602935,0.17942340658450096,0.0,0.10457771623938082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190450183629333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880503978781848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32796538613509363,0.11584484493323532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37584580681973934,0.0,0.08472023128508265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526063520333915,0.16009626112891914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713275542587278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321794286329452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376648538186371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341590711414353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120237206927161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887922746290478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388179351127304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584359381584073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711406787926418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20780705000696614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100938178283129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564427752999564,0.1287125140766224,0.1300723977637455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864723086462233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wei0500,2019/06/17,"What do you do for work? I've had a string of reasonably good office-type jobs since finishing university, but I feel like I can only last 3-6 months before I start having constant panic attacks/crying fits etc at work until I end up looking for something else, where inevitably the same thing happens.

I'm just wondering what people here do as a job/for an income? Starting to wonder if I'll never be able to handle a 9-5 job but the thought of spending my whole life worrying about money or having security seems terrifying.

Thanks in advance 😊",6.86540880503145,6.820432396226416,7.552830188679247,72.37880503144656,64.66037735849056,9.708176100628927,33.704402515723274,9.2995712137729,3.0922628930817617,438,17,76,7,6,146,86,106,0.12,0.768,0.11199999999999999,-0.4234,4,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,4,5,0,1,6,0,8,1,0,1,1,13,19,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,4,12,16,3,15,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,5,10,46,9,4,0.15830845428496926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470883462790176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107519897332654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389440343970766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322463998579228,0.0,0.14021430205782054,0.0,0.17655577347774232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004551112331201,0.11309559137270687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327816205604917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999164330249925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712901404478251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904251939018022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118179429986739,0.07734151429473833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293923059633714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263602978595097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220972393512051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040071313588001,0.0,0.18574086164145767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975114930787888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276745724077718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441180711313071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095438929895412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187358235987415,0.0,0.0,0.2241030775040875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574915529398855,0.0,0.0,0.10517310266621753,0.0,0.0,0.12567922947632526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674573568833796,0.0,0.0,0.3433575313710208,0.23050088032809665,0.16076991980162564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,catmanifesting,2019/06/17,"I’m moving in with my boyfriend and I’m scared that my BPD will cause a lot of problems Lately I’ve been extremely jealous and I’ve splitted on him, but we still managed to get an apartment together. We’re moving in next month and I’m afraid that everything will be shit because he has no idea what I’m capable of. I hate BPD and I hate being like this.",0.4462666666666699,2.756962160000004,2.2920000000000016,93.47266666666668,87.4,5.466666666666668,23.0,6.937597516519254,0.7930000000000006,282,11,61,4,9,93,52,75,0.275,0.648,0.077,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,2,2,0,6,1,1,1,0,11,13,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,1,0,6,1,7,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,5,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919361462384293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925277912968621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086374665489148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573025958755126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215664745678664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860918946800936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073020235785792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056698857100607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552635506356807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623309000812764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607062764850646,0.4156360825840911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794896897487053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709633909314768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576020130110774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007093101534976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615095792004827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coffeepigeon,2019/06/17,"Bpd ruining possible close friendship, I'm sick of being so lonely I ended up reaching out to someone I knew 10 months ago, and since then we became quite close, we met up 2 times a week, talked a lot, we were affectionate and flirted with each over and confided in each over. I ended up getting a crush on her, confessed, and ever since were still friends but she keeps not replying, not wanting to see me not in groups, and being affectionate one day and insulting the next. 

I've had a bad habit of drunk texting her begging her not to abandon me and spend time with me and not to read and not reply, and shes put up with it everytime, but she told me last night she doesnt want to message me anymore on Facebook and I've ended up breaking down and calling her 3 times in 5 hours, sending about 10 paragraphs and ive been drinking and self harming in my room all day.

I genuinely felt we could of been close friends or more but my head fucks everything up, I dont really know if I'm looking for advice or just to vent here but in sick of having good relationships ruined by my severe fear of abandonment, and I dont want to live much longer if I'll never have a good relationship or close friendships because if this, I'm just lonely all the time and I wish I was normal.",9.871860465116278,6.024843317829461,9.473550387596903,73.09451162790702,61.55813953488372,12.490542635658915,40.14108527131784,9.888512548439397,3.7378685271317824,1008,37,206,14,10,328,146,258,0.196,0.691,0.113,-0.9755,0,4,1,0,0,0,19.0,4,0,0,1,7,18,2,1,7,0,16,6,1,0,4,66,33,28,0,9,18,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,2,30,2,3,4,3,1,2,10,11,0,1,10,3,29,7,35,20,7,45,1,6,2,1,26,22,1,7,20,135,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500788432878925,0.10432742296257444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116719472548276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826843721669458,0.0717443401146436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822975830639762,0.0,0.12017734284928484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396799519497027,0.0,0.0,0.15180403087208275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758697918497884,0.11529397978483842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31272223435456603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645972965578873,0.0,0.0,0.10577455471982904,0.0,0.0,0.13243693894036285,0.0,0.0,0.1130033897384372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818580812857128,0.1088049479234057,0.06148954609054496,0.0,0.0,0.1974300027576068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078660154355575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590354165669695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461062484894523,0.0,0.0,0.06468079625306257,0.09593520869646732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392475612399224,0.0,0.09883217478608766,0.0,0.0,0.10005807261981964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394114128728266,0.0,0.08651763126879737,0.0,0.09077181841903607,0.0,0.1251674563583394,0.1104465686199052,0.11531379732706935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975157783330335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268076639177026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831360873053795,0.0,0.12518060823770513,0.1177244879120376,0.0,0.07539691798745858,0.0,0.0,0.2527156972589181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937857952569275,0.0,0.12277908988363492,0.13295918175449994,0.0,0.19471313372496984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972059076938017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939894932257752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459688479886623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745100961364652,0.0,0.0,0.11246035980153238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082545026944376,0.0,0.09440593558447724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534072609562384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheKingofLostBoys,2019/06/17,"When They Speak To Me. 
I can't stop identifying abuse. I see it everywhere I go, I hear a person in public or see a couple having a tiff and or see a manager and employee disagree, I hear a fifteen second interaction and... I *know* the kind of person they are. I immediately condemn one party and champion the other, fighting all the moral fights and standing up for victims everywhere without knowing a single thing about any of them.

I see it in conversations I have myself. I see where people are trying to push an extra little button that switches me from ""no"" to ""yes"" without me being able to complain. I see where they try to push me down and step on my head to get wherever they're going and it scares me how easy it is to lose sight of the fact that... no-one hates you. No-one wants you to fail, they don't want to see you struggle. They might not bear you any great love but that doesn't make them bad.

That's how easy it is to believe in yourself. Thats how easy it is you put your feet on the wrong path without even looking down, to believe that your intuition and your moral high ground is anything more than narcissism and your need to be the Hero. 

You can't save everyone, and moreover, not everyone needs to be saved. Stop worrying about other people, and worry about you. Let them speak to each other however they like, and try to change the way you speak to yourself.",4.1052919708029165,5.3658107335766445,4.912124087591241,84.24628832116791,71.22627737226276,7.815766423357664,26.838686131386858,8.238735603445708,1.6599100729927008,1087,36,217,16,20,352,143,274,0.13,0.7390000000000001,0.13,0.7096,2,0,0,0,4,0,37.0,0,12,9,3,12,18,4,2,14,1,17,3,2,4,2,38,39,19,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,2,16,13,0,2,2,0,0,6,10,11,0,2,0,14,39,7,36,34,5,24,2,2,9,1,35,13,0,3,4,154,55,2,0.09901007616161424,0.11731075000404667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346604939801575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147685647578433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266927794130376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231009014443312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104739532311393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955276607108007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539522151847857,0.0,0.0,0.18921674151204385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172867830425088,0.0,0.1125394159414918,0.0,0.0,0.10915895850445398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775195209021348,0.10161290254948037,0.0,0.2231831033345832,0.0,0.0,0.1046095814951383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031037582413073,0.10882669704247336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124451101314533,0.0,0.048371322020441684,0.0992341071942331,0.0,0.0,0.08314352765087575,0.11076694942819372,0.0,0.0,0.08936045934731855,0.0,0.06608999466371886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503404437487826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682943384343453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709179000802105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728224055851335,0.1729035590153077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953247330895633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991263586852141,0.0,0.5522874827612281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555371409769054,0.0,0.10350682899639832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577789513623065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016640275649376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679741636547655,0.07858958991738862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28632654071096675,0.0,0.0,0.2010990768111732,0.0,0.0,0.10825197542057848,0.0,0.0
bpd,sabomination,2019/06/17,"Question on Medication Hey guys! Have you ever been put on Clonidine and Quetiapine for BPD? If so, how is it working for you? (I also take clonazepam, lamotrigine and escitalopram)",4.323709677419355,7.694338709677421,6.464758064516129,62.51713709677421,81.25806451612901,8.261290322580646,33.55645161290323,8.841846274778883,4.049509677419355,144,8,21,4,4,50,27,31,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,6,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759215690256185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345551007825089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312100748718911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416354346531587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475829410407061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34685195977697425,0.38651424855573296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594207512447773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118704415662924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,strixey,2019/06/17,"Getting extremely dizzy while angry Every single time I get really pissed I start feeling super dizzy for a good 15 seconds and I literally spurt out whatever comes into my mind, usually very ugly things.


Am I the only one?",4.373048780487803,7.126612097560978,6.251402439024389,68.49954268292684,74.36585365853658,8.978048780487804,27.32317073170732,9.516144504307137,3.3392878048780488,180,7,26,5,4,62,37,41,0.305,0.532,0.163,-0.8162,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,2,3,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848264544101608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27858762639473844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718701935874955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34550287430887466,0.0,0.0,0.27733426966234764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338631297980087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405759290774135,0.25147489316228794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182341987317926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340363939916145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966975167900105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280518655621146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641652291903386,0.2728216037185313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marie-llama,2019/06/17,"I'm on auto-destruction mode I hate myself for doing it. I'm hurting myself and the person who I love most, the only inconditionnal love anyone ever gave me. It hurts so much when I look at him and think about everything I've done. And that I might lose him. It's like someone else is taking control over me to hurt me and destroy my life. But there's no one else in my head, the person doing these horrible things is my stupid self. I disgust myself.",2.5456521739130444,4.37885595652174,4.158043478260872,85.73423913043482,76.39130434782608,6.339130434782609,21.28260869565217,7.1686216300943375,0.6343217391304345,356,9,71,4,8,119,64,92,0.289,0.613,0.098,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,4,0,3,0,6,4,1,1,1,10,15,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,2,1,16,3,7,12,2,6,0,4,1,2,9,4,0,2,3,52,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907345775095875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099909459264214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742697893683027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28451741161009114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404058638132329,0.0,0.0,0.1530491809996802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812997491181406,0.17477067609446886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469094414999939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202836211334544,0.08319699999691714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300399039725126,0.19051531995221266,0.0,0.0,0.3073937955593421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806549216463435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518561427930502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539555711815393,0.12951618832056022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973881382192615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776536824035785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428947289339694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280398230547645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313570340569802,0.10911745801494588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mstrcvk,2019/06/17,"Joe from Love Island UK Is anyone watching Love Island? Joe has seemed really unstable since early days, and has been acting out every time his relationship has been in question, not to mention je seems to have recently split on her.",6.652857142857144,8.405151904761906,6.727142857142859,71.76785714285714,65.66666666666667,9.40952380952381,28.285714285714285,9.725611199111238,2.9036571428571434,188,6,29,4,3,60,35,42,0.055999999999999994,0.777,0.16699999999999998,0.7655,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,6,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,6,9,0,8,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,3,4,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938904721508166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883174532828355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336322268230971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005374773099048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106328377500085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764169183929496,0.0,0.273794456650286,0.29771007365903673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048762424215466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938053319359844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169241132893722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rydiya,2019/06/17,"Does anyone else question their identity Apologies for the formatting! Mobile
I was recently diagnosed after years of dreading. Does anyone else question who you truly are? What traits, behaviors, and personality are really you or are they ones you have subsumed from others? Are you just a mimic without a personality/soul of your own? Are you The Ship of Theseus?",6.2231182795698965,9.4074575483871,6.7109677419354865,65.3531182795699,70.29032258064515,9.29462365591398,32.913978494623656,9.725611199111238,4.168539784946237,296,14,40,8,6,96,45,62,0.073,0.8809999999999999,0.046,-0.4122,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,9,0,7,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,13,0,0,3,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29807993318353443,0.4367962828717013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634353344721088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730593309391349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561202162267992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443647058355072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611502102209554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775552635155326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654983415811967,0.0,0.2104606596678392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546972523138396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726210027896535
bpd,DrDongStrong,2019/06/17,I’m so happy I found this place Just found that this sub exists. I’ve been struggling with bpd all my life but only had a name to put to it in the last few months. It’s bonkers to look at the experiences being shared and see how spot on they are. Just being able to know others relate to the small details is extremely comforting,3.517352941176473,4.6783807352941205,4.290470588235299,88.52511764705883,72.52941176470588,7.2047058823529415,22.423529411764704,7.554174236665415,0.7040670588235294,262,6,56,3,5,84,55,68,0.027000000000000003,0.8370000000000001,0.136,0.8265,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,1,1,11,12,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,3,9,6,2,8,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,2,36,9,0,0.2446951849653488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081850195028246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935884422082934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5365912806015558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604825744840896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447807432502554,0.19945923477804292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728354456373666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548232731377528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953133621111036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610171455348049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556543875734999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459862461537635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499038162498736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25580853634642314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sb_9323,2019/06/17,"BPD ex u/sb_9323 look guys I need support as I am so emotionally damaged after this I feel like a former shell of myself and am depressed.                                                      


8 months ago I started dating a female who was 33and BIPOLAR . I'm 25 she had to children she used to be a alcoholic and tried to commit suicide when she was having her second child she says she was raped and non of her family talk to her her story was that her sister's husband tried to have sex with her only person that does is her mum who is a really odd woman and seems really dark 



This was my first real relationship I met this girl on POF a dating website and we hit it off straight away within the first day off meeting her we were inseparable within the first 2 weeks we were official and in the first 2 months I met her children her mum... she said her ex was so abusive towards her he would do things like kick her out of the car at random places tell her he wants her to have sex with randoms on the street so he can watch and really strange other things and that she needs someone to be a a father figure for her kids it really touched me and felt like I needed to help her so she asked me to move in with her within 2 months rent free I told her I could help her so we made a deal she would pay rent etc I would give money for other stuff I was giving her 600$ a week 

My close family and my friends I told were telling me that it's not normal for this to happen and we're worried about me I told her that I wasn't sure I could do this and it was the right decision but she said that I was the love of her life and I was the one and we would get married and have kids then started the isolation she kept telling me my family wasn't any good for me and that make me miserable when my family has always been there through me I was in a really hard place I felt like I had to pick her or my family if I ever went out with friends she would say what are you doing if I went to see my family it was how long are you going to be so eventually I didn't want to upset her so I isolated myself 


Then starts the triangulation getting phone calls from her ex her getting flowers from a co worker who she claims was creepy talking about men non stop not telling me she was married all these red flags not to mention getting a knock on the door from her exs mum asking for all his stuff back when I asked her why she had all her exs stuff she said he owed her money come to find out she threw his ass  out the same day she met me what a head fuck 



Another thing is I don't remember the last time she put her hand in her pocket to pay for shit I was always buying her kids toys clothes I bought appliances for the house washing machines Eminem concert trip to coast Pandora rings bracelets you name it I treated her like a fucking queen and never asked for shit 


Now this is when it took a turn for the worst when we came back from Eminem a letter came in the mail saying she owes Centrelink 3 years of child support I asked her what that's about because she has 50/50 care with her baby daddy not her ex apparently from what I've heard is she's blackmailed him saying you don't have to pay child support but I'm taking all the Centrelink benefits for 100% care this is when she turned into a different person starting acting like a psycho saying please don't leave me when I never once said I would she wanted me to sign papers for de facto for her kids I said no because of the situation and because we had only been dating 6 months after that it's like I was trash she started withdrawing from sex said I haven't done anything for her started disappearing for hours on end no explanation wouldn't answer her calls when all I did was be there for her but once I set up boundaries she didn't like it so she comes home one day and starts accusing me of being mentally ill and yelling at me saying I need to go get help and she said I'm a psycho and basically dumped my ass I've never been mentally ill and no one has ever told me or suspected I am I've never been so confused in my life or been head fucked like this it felt like my brain was in fog when all I did was help someone with everything I got I lost my family friends money everything to this girl so I've gone to see counsellors and psych and they say I could be dealing with a bpd /NPD I never knew what that was but now it all makes sense the projecting of the ilnnes and everything I actually felt crazy for a while thankyou for listening I've been keeping this to myself for 3 months now I never got any closure or to say bye to the kids that's what hurts the most 💔",3.462438687073579,4.387455548589344,4.522291935583013,87.70648049972344,72.40647857889238,7.635681357182372,24.209370582088642,7.928766900206844,1.0672895199459091,3628,97,789,48,68,1186,358,957,0.11900000000000001,0.787,0.094,-0.9786,7,1,1,0,1,2,10.0,7,4,1,7,32,39,7,3,43,0,83,23,8,6,17,129,175,60,1,20,14,12,8,10,3,7,7,20,4,17,50,50,1,3,13,2,13,17,22,15,0,8,73,33,160,25,98,85,11,110,0,5,5,10,178,32,7,11,71,534,210,7,0.0,0.05032174555003669,0.041446026972367635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037648394515402736,0.04538908375598013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067932873130665,0.0,0.0,0.05776411039463971,0.04453503819947165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034950400024293116,0.0,0.19852545053733034,0.0,0.03990334301921094,0.06531587581016984,0.0,0.07767063953603913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698265635573104,0.04741220534640137,0.08673623649317523,0.09715209157308632,0.08660498604701382,0.0,0.0,0.07317081939233612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101730035721983,0.0,0.0,0.08217175141023224,0.08757243884766518,0.03658061384920962,0.0,0.0,0.04437364531172473,0.0,0.0,0.03716706856297343,0.04346305836832815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777468590418686,0.03761711516297575,0.0,0.047366914545291613,0.0,0.07683575014638414,0.0,0.0,0.11451185276219468,0.0,0.2802682464896111,0.0,0.021474850753550063,0.03034162580175017,0.16311708188082755,0.0,0.038818153053846234,0.1445048386818811,0.0,0.0,0.09844005433520786,0.11779256560715712,0.1109479475315102,0.08148500584323022,0.048275028956529034,0.03562305298992123,0.06793662689455825,0.0,0.0,0.04205343147350626,0.03755737960163827,0.0,0.038046093804211915,0.0,0.0871759600295666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387092112412785,0.0,0.04260234612507893,0.0,0.04182584154876609,0.04900637267444519,0.04546658577344806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377505929215631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03461991566893937,0.0,0.04497115307037775,0.0,0.0,0.05999770889753633,0.20749414342228534,0.0,0.0,0.037585913394801454,0.035665337084926,0.0,0.04636262529342308,0.0,0.0383321587949531,0.04018753070211082,0.056700070449745135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856025023222832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950160600054046,0.04514044991761195,0.0,0.12596822386474185,0.19653969016063813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161302188395942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904614563208148,0.08633929930113822,0.06460293173044666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416889672228615,0.08874729062344948,0.04662091880710798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042695556849191935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834182968993175,0.13604155230861936,0.0,0.0,0.04559846299496885,0.048111894840022526,0.03627040230081017,0.2828006489260612,0.27020013340057275,0.0,0.0,0.06768852367876918,0.03866443008486189,0.0,0.0,0.08719270479746541,0.0,0.04773971042358452,0.0,0.0,0.0719718753896844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104306695461257,0.0,0.0,0.035508049668935386,0.0,0.0,0.14585901172156418,0.04645689347626706,0.14458835847670592,0.040028856721184114,0.0,0.03193325890317416,0.06827391567245772,0.1484877429714912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464847002721097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024765455007726537,0.0,0.0,0.16233323407867872,0.04718736457231296,0.05767067883871576,0.09239352414494473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03668171260799299,0.0,0.0,0.07515231810012027,0.0,0.06813610087455363,0.0,0.0,0.07874295417460922,0.038323894583715566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04313183818742127,0.0,0.18102307724611172,0.0,0.0,0.027350233429751028
bpd,cas1o1,2019/06/17,"Honestly go out of my way to do nice things for people and don't get a thank you. Feel  so defeated. Don't understand why im so alone. But ok. Dont thank me for the birthday present i gave you. Now i have to ask about it like a moron
Its not their fault. Im just an idiot


Im still probably in love with them anyone and will do the same thing againnnnnnn yay",-1.2646605293440771,0.770569392405065,0.9526812428078272,101.0239355581128,95.58227848101265,4.898043728423477,16.042577675489067,6.574015621080383,-0.4426810126582277,278,7,70,4,11,92,60,79,0.184,0.596,0.21899999999999997,0.5097,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,2,1,6,12,2,0,5,2,7,1,0,0,0,10,16,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,8,8,9,14,1,7,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,4,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241857869689048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366573266260354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827115342641503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290561258793656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882115664905568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211018114843097,0.0,0.11107397796378672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6333314704278554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954829045668948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639369476625255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549461257683376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071912484394786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560799321107507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598727749913788,0.0,0.0,0.2596854591342251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346162153724787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551324628022829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763556652161217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChickPeon,2019/06/17,"Does anything (treatment or med wise) help you all to feel better? Asking as a provider- it seems that a large number of psychiatrists and therapists in our community have little success in helping you get to where you want to be. CBT and DBT are often recommended, but are they actually helpful? What can we suggest that will bring you relief and help you achieve your goals? You all are ridiculously intelligent and articulate- I would love to hear if there’s something in particular we can work on providing (even if it’s non-medical or non-traditional). Thanks in advance for any suggestions!",6.612169811320754,8.702874698113206,6.720896226415096,70.47681603773587,66.16981132075472,10.205660377358493,34.94811320754717,10.411451182825502,4.0906830188679235,482,23,79,13,8,154,79,106,0.025,0.679,0.29600000000000004,0.9848,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,3,7,1,6,4,7,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,2,18,18,10,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,6,12,15,2,9,0,0,0,1,20,7,0,6,0,55,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.1925265893588144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416397148320827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235286720943296,0.0,0.1844395262221719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744869803586629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172649816390488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030819025862275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975575645229026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030758868580745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223601787449786,0.0,0.5289573373532583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977364189638353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806193583942495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43828944830209066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796054144997714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188348764655507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163813353925606,0.0,0.2290689065760159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636675891653275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362947626523134,0.0,0.0,0.14014916186726015,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miiimi,2019/06/17,"I deleted my instagram I got tired of seeing what my ex best friends are doing in their lives and feeling extremely lonely and depressed afterward. I hope this helps. I feel a bit anxious about deleting, what if no one notices and I just feel worse because that shows no one cares? 

I did make a new instagram but I only follow hobby and dog pages.",2.7581023454157787,5.329463402985073,3.641364605543711,86.00358208955225,79.14925373134328,6.216631130063965,27.4818763326226,7.447530270364453,1.7632533049040506,276,12,50,4,7,88,51,67,0.185,0.645,0.17,-0.0073,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,12,6,0,2,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,4,10,4,3,10,3,4,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,2,2,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255439556454797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783435017571785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372881385082991,0.0,0.2468531870351332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305338679790664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474791899692648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429835140763075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746917625708489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084055076172145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155653903595034,0.0,0.0,0.22457791113291892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965897246571368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509299539447938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837811878662347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25742734676710005,0.0,0.0,0.3064355150127834,0.17196658546336605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018012465227254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25987979230970404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304250608187637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spawnof-seitan,2019/06/17,"How do you handle disagreements with your partner/ fp? when my partner and i get into a disagreement, my first coping mechanism is to leave. we're usually at their house, so i'll decide i'm going home and head to my car. This does help to some extent as I'm able to view situation better and see what the appropriate action is. other times I'll start to split once i leave. Either way, I feel safer leaving the situation so I don't lash out or worsen it. 

However, leaving is affecting my partners mental health, which i understand. if it were the other way around, I'm sure i'd be triggered by my partner leaving during a fight. Are there any other methods of handling disagreements in a healthy manner that don't involve leaving? 

Also, if it turns out I'm in the wrong, i'm more than open to advice because I don't want my partner or I to suffer.",4.368057199211049,5.513351994082843,5.752204142011838,78.90609714003948,70.47928994082841,8.236883629191325,29.46794871794872,8.59863814320734,2.315946351084813,673,26,125,11,12,227,107,169,0.145,0.777,0.079,-0.8474,1,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,2,1,2,7,5,1,0,7,0,10,2,1,3,1,23,23,13,0,3,5,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,1,5,10,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,1,3,16,2,19,21,4,18,0,1,2,0,11,8,0,5,5,79,26,0,0.1197045776603128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697392788093874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572770750687942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140321765388812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656245296191208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297079948400621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586897125122496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475428258545344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060526231185176124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182065260675023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254070120327015,0.0,0.06803087007743047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285143145097205,0.12724036841450378,0.0,0.0,0.08023545514150494,0.0,0.1200734515079762,0.0,0.0,0.13812301077575695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7604991825943164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063405946445452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748146847344713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953890501913541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691059214307757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472751618404936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282014779935835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980070187244199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020420645963304,0.0,0.12461668695305593,0.0,0.0,0.1318376805574862,0.0,0.07060486134271615,0.1900318439145983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087816413213474,0.0,0.0
bpd,306god,2019/06/17,"Is anyone else dating someone with a kid? I just want to start off by saying that I’m a 21 year old female who has never been interested in having children of my own, for a lot of reasons that don’t really belong here.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half months, and I adore him. It’s past the point of the classic new-partner excitement I’ve experienced in the past, and I genuinely feel like he is the love of my life, no question. I’ve been in enough relationships to know that something is different about him.

I knew that he had a daughter from the start, and I honestly thought it would just be another fling so, while I wasn’t thrilled to hear that he had a child, I really didn’t think that  was ever going to be something that came up. I had no idea we would click like we do, which just makes all that comes after so much more difficult for me.

When it’s his turn with her I get irrationally upset and jealous, and this weekend I lashed out at him worse than I have before. It hurts hurting him like I know I do, and it hurts that he puts up with it because of how much he cares about me. I find myself trying to push him away because I know that I’m not good for him, and by extension his daughter. I’m not here to traumatize his child and to be another case of the evil stepmother while she’s growing up. But we all know how easy it is to control our feelings. I don’t want that to ever rub off on her, and kids are very intuitive so if I’m going to be a part of my boyfriend’s life long-term, I will be a part of hers and she’ll be able to tell how much I resent her existence. 

I don’t hate kids, and I don’t hate her, and I’m sure she’s absolutely wonderful; I just do not want to be in this situation. He’s not asking me to be a mother, and honestly it isn’t about that. It’s about him loving her more than me; and I know it’s a different kind of love, but it’s stronger than what we have. That’s his blood. I can’t blame him for that. I feel as though I want what he can’t give me. I want his undivided attention and devotion, like he has from me, but that’s just not the reality.

I guess I’m at an impasse. It’s a lot of pressure, and while he makes me really happy, when I’m away from him I get very upset. I fall into a darker place than I’ve been in a long time. I’m breaking out, and on the verge of tears almost all the time. I don’t like that it all comes down to me deciding whether or not I can accept that he is a father and can’t love me the same way I love him. I didn’t even wish him a happy father’s day today because I just absolutely despise that part of him. He’s a great dad as far as I can tell, but I wish he just wasn’t one at all. 

Can anyone else relate? Does anyone have any advice that isn’t to break up with him? I don’t know what to do, and everyone I’ve talked to about it has an outsider’s perspective because they don’t have to deal with what we do (and they all think I’m shitty for “hating his kid”).",3.8247678018575866,3.3750179164086687,5.305944272445821,87.30043343653253,71.07430340557275,8.781424148606813,26.287925696594428,8.371475516178862,1.3363783281733743,2298,60,552,32,38,781,232,646,0.092,0.7659999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.9868,2,0,2,0,0,0,60.0,6,0,2,1,27,39,7,3,28,0,58,8,1,7,10,108,113,43,0,10,20,6,4,5,0,4,2,2,0,7,41,37,0,1,21,1,0,9,25,14,0,2,15,8,87,25,81,86,19,62,0,3,1,5,77,26,0,8,29,376,128,0,0.06948042104927518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789546331317747,0.0,0.0,0.06957460525482254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724906889866685,0.14571255915935385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457469776937269,0.1423818043625382,0.0,0.0,0.06495481451366827,0.0,0.13055828546278744,0.0,0.0,0.1694184791107423,0.0,0.059122720838115414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946709188500396,0.07083991988705776,0.0,0.0,0.11970246103404784,0.0,0.0,0.0779282002468814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480912360496277,0.07163126322675241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518450368540567,0.0,0.0,0.06080278468051562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608395250754078,0.0,0.0,0.07179184823117903,0.0,0.045891162817588836,0.1256980373364893,0.0,0.0663915198306132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539416560673616,0.049636826680446736,0.0,0.0,0.06350384609507898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726013045992441,0.06665195099503048,0.07897464891846899,0.05827688069988313,0.0,0.07660240949425975,0.0765405170777088,0.0,0.0,0.14792640038026605,0.0,0.20579259363047867,0.0,0.0,0.07830948420572302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231406832844925,0.07843493817871472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235316658756431,0.2291077340321585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815215233453724,0.16972312066523554,0.0,0.0,0.12297597241453205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181395386654485,0.31354396346861185,0.0,0.0927574411494053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545860919964867,0.0,0.1532283119727785,0.0,0.053587584045290765,0.06710462360929775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290801402636578,0.0,0.04708173147041901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257215755362845,0.13265384753009585,0.0,0.0,0.07259225184270282,0.0,0.06568145594834278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984701377558539,0.07783397291654715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335328106160816,0.07143744478643961,0.0,0.0745959698852221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525361955828432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809890437490978,0.0,0.0,0.05887053528256235,0.1069788452599598,0.0,0.0,0.09835719926488302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548447457193418,0.0,0.0,0.055845730567835004,0.12145790094117975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904049662387195,0.0682641609095468,0.055159693274780736,0.08102918452115486,0.0,0.06585931502232031,0.0,0.0,0.04717264507783762,0.07557474629645185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465724788799295,0.20490676255249196,0.055150324181520216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979811048665638,0.0,0.07534855279160957,0.0,0.0,0.07080648492764574,0.09871379524547508,0.0,0.0,0.04474311315064746
bpd,becksta80,2019/06/17,"I don’t remember the last day.. I don’t remember the last day I wanted to self harm.. but today it’s lurking right behind me. 

Today I realized that it’s all been for nothing, the fight to survive. In every aspect. Personal, work, it’s all been mislaid hope that it would be worth it in the end. As I dismantle the parts of the machinery and infrastructure that were always heralded as my legacy, it just became apparent that it’s just old, heavy, rusted parts that have been cast aside for me to deal with and dispose of.",3.0407659115426107,5.019131825242717,4.568478964401297,82.69267529665589,75.40776699029126,8.072923408845739,25.036677454153185,8.841846274778883,1.9841421790722764,410,14,79,9,9,137,62,103,0.018000000000000002,0.8909999999999999,0.091,0.8034,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,2,14,11,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,1,13,5,4,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,8,57,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573622589850071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393237567994536,0.1949735099251306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675034079921317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934101638312556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783795966237304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083146505958067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181464897511848,0.0,0.19844870460252068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40959515780909656,0.0,0.0,0.16513152210336318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284701958535472,0.16150669630857348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729248892194254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585256278538157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154735768315716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768097274492408,0.0,0.0,0.13434479771852506,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inlethargy,2019/06/17,"I can't get my brain to focus anymore. It's become so so hard to study for my finals, and on top of that I just went through a really bad breakup. My mental health is getting worse everyday, I barely sleep, and when I do I get horrible nightmares. I feel so tired and fucking done with everything. Is there a way to deal with this or should I just give up trying?",2.5924000000000014,4.018851373333334,3.9170000000000016,89.24350000000004,75.26666666666667,7.133333333333333,24.5,7.793537801064563,1.1438,283,9,61,4,6,93,56,75,0.215,0.762,0.024,-0.9387,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,2,0,6,5,2,0,0,10,13,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,10,0,10,10,0,8,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,3,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142744215253538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804018822146296,0.0,0.2386223625302329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411954943456325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222749369330048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22110538356802387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418166506294768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092469166042352,0.0,0.0,0.2366842279025059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974488203535287,0.33864881233828137,0.20726536682401348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935481873492667,0.0,0.0,0.22966270399925295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177386362224276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384141877429676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621700321762968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483302972218167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669121368774327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714991384543015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029068063401004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201845835411733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,conflictedcolumns,2019/06/17,DAE enjoy hospital stays/view them as a vacation? So I’ve been hospitalized quite a few times. It’s been about 3 years since my last one though and I feel likes ones overdue. I feel like a breakdown is coming and I just need a stress free week away from everything and someone to take care of me. Does anyone else get like this?,1.8388311688311705,4.224200545454544,2.5689610389610387,93.4377272727273,81.42424242424242,6.195670995670996,20.034632034632033,7.447530270364453,0.4752450216450219,260,7,56,4,7,81,55,66,0.040999999999999995,0.6990000000000001,0.26,0.9332,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,10,6,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,2,6,7,6,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980884781861134,0.21952483405909606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129528544448894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844254225587886,0.0,0.0,0.18455773202631665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187491952038122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897870114256495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925544273107294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166628600632538,0.3061210296928122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193698110498387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746426559621392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140157415493249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886394259987682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903632057349608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22788165257198115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723012899273607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815336523755271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454230873197203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108962256602224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049991131864804,0.0,0.12493111999520733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185873208686586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379702207548024
bpd,Coeva,2019/06/17,"BPD make a friend discord server! Hi guys! I have BPD, and a lot of my friends that I know have BPD. I'm currently hosting a BPD discord server where people can come and talk to others. It's a brand new server, and I'd like it to build it with people who would just like to talk about everyday problems. This server is not a safespace to ALL your triggers though. Please be aware that there are channels that you can look in instead, or other bpd discord servers that will help you that are more classified as a safespace. We would be happy to have you!

https://discord.gg/eMMRRM2",4.340450450450452,6.2731207027027045,4.209189189189189,86.85180180180181,71.70270270270271,6.374774774774775,26.74774774774775,6.937597516519254,1.1615477477477478,462,16,88,4,9,141,70,111,0.08900000000000001,0.738,0.17300000000000001,0.8772,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,4,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,2,1,17,18,6,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,10,13,3,6,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,2,5,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8196828661496707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212446764940892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112824172947347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888248774460648,0.0,0.13856163649979533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724595759500235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153454348615093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718277895371294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930469188111616,0.0,0.0,0.11066048907250474,0.0,0.0,0.08688525381646241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571287397117664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804781854819401,0.0,0.0,0.14288061131431876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454904367542358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209241238862408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278851351158005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849290590341903,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaaaaaaawayyyy,2019/06/17,Loving current FP yet hurting over past FP I love my current FP(girlfriend) but still hurt so much some times over feelings of rejection of past FP(ex wife) even though I left her. Anyone else experience this?,9.333243243243246,9.456500297297296,7.570945945945947,73.73317567567568,59.54054054054054,10.643243243243244,37.41891891891892,10.125756701596842,3.7663081081081087,169,7,28,3,2,50,31,37,0.242,0.649,0.109,-0.7992,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,4,3,2,10,0,3,0,2,4,3,0,1,7,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602575315892625,0.23483598292838995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146188806477427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513802466016612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241953719988549,0.0,0.0,0.11588719774031002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907130928705813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490195752079885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137124413169057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684837067287182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375825522570657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303434779707745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251816009460975,0.0,0.13364466251923587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lohwatne,2019/08/14,"Therapist isn't sure if I have BPD I saw my therapist today, and I asked him if he thought I had BPD or if he had any new diagnosis for me. He said he wasn't sure if he thought I fit into the borderline category. This made me a little sad, I guess. Maybe he just needs more proof/I need to be more honest. Therapy has also started to get boring for me bc a lot of times I don't really know what to say and talk about things that are easier to but that I don't really want to. What to do😪",0.9161060142711506,2.09294193577982,3.856269113149846,88.98625891946995,79.18348623853211,8.147196738022426,20.367991845056068,8.841846274778883,1.0286016309887869,377,9,93,9,9,136,69,109,0.08199999999999999,0.858,0.06,-0.0586,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,2,21,23,9,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,3,13,3,11,14,3,7,0,1,1,0,11,3,0,7,4,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328064497111616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333681369999032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580776263002216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419813386190216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707473740263426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835985031396454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915938351607825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704049105025434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169124594862156,0.0,0.15770092014332954,0.0,0.0,0.16743576654073838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24715756934087146,0.0,0.1609645311895139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353765809422395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853504014662678,0.1325374093520836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796519835178595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141565270087456,0.0,0.0,0.13395771194731745,0.0,0.0,0.19059410017207615,0.387018060095452,0.11072374422940984,0.0,0.0,0.2646242148745845,0.09718275729445522,0.0,0.15797739703827895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830237977000722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EmiAvenged,2019/08/14,DAE struggle with the 'mundane'? I've noticed recently that I seem to be most uncomfortable when I'm not really feeling much emotion or am carrying out mundane tasks. It's almost like I second guess myself - I'm so used to being so emotionally charged that when I'm not I worry (oddly) that something is up?,4.0284745762711855,6.108129813559327,5.812000000000001,74.41054237288138,72.89830508474577,8.109830508474579,32.13898305084746,8.841846274778883,3.10338372881356,245,12,41,5,5,84,44,59,0.157,0.765,0.078,-0.5581,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,11,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,5,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25612370266404016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5754293609358296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932852839776254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28176718453467825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495971463514036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802551338805926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912037916725281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385728555633808,0.0,0.2525489146302109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284976000993785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690961849046995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673936389150628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090919118109087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25975394306046423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NiceZucchini3,2019/08/14,"Might have messed it up with new BPD friend. For the record I am in love with this girl, but this is not what this post is about, for now I just want her to know I'm her friend and I'm always here if she needs anyone.

​

So around 5 months ago I started working in a new place and  I met this girl with BPD, ofc at the time I had no idea. Mostly we just greeted each other when we passed by, until a mutual friend of ours introduced us. That was around 2 months ago.

From that point on we started talking a lot, she told me about her BPD in the very first few days, guess she was comfortable with me because we are close friends with the same person. 

Around 2 weeks ago I started realizing she was talking a lot less to me and giving a lot of dry answers, according to our mutual friend I have kinda annoying and did some stupid things. 

Been thinking a lot, but can't figure out what I've done wrong. Either way, I gave her space, have been talking less to her.

 She hasn't remove me from her life, if I don't text her for a day or 2 she will text me and still tells me about her troubles etc... Which is good I guess.

As I couldn't figure out what I've done wrong, I just told her straight forward to be honest with me and tell me when I do or say something that makes her uncomfortable. Right now I don't know if that was the right move or not, I'm just trying to do the right thing here.

I really like talking with her, but after knowing I was being annoying I feel so scared to start a conversation with her.

Sorry for the long text and how incoherent it might be, I not a frequent writer.

At this point I don't even know what was the purpose of this post. I guess I just want some advice on how to show her I want to be there for her and that she can rely on me if she ever needs someone.",4.96737152908657,4.248533250659634,5.3968563889935925,88.51455584872473,68.73614775725594,8.485538384219124,26.227038572685014,7.447530270364453,1.0033798467144104,1398,31,326,12,21,448,171,379,0.09300000000000001,0.778,0.129,0.9166,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,7,0,0,2,25,18,3,1,17,0,36,2,0,3,1,81,64,26,0,10,19,0,1,1,5,3,1,1,0,3,21,27,0,0,11,1,0,4,10,8,0,1,16,2,60,10,48,40,14,56,0,0,0,1,51,24,0,20,28,238,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555718635294295,0.20562120374208928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433726608389764,0.08377727123173842,0.09395347824568932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406464102610048,0.0,0.0,0.2064962491008717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471341639527412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921492783761589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973129682952243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825245662382836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623335392046044,0.051069791290294285,0.06994127124093874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039095820852955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576920312889772,0.0,0.0,0.29869006411357885,0.0,0.0,0.0741733487978323,0.0,0.06485318635795645,0.0,0.0,0.2555333963500015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728599749315652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997439799789532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461410897717316,0.037775134981713344,0.0,0.0,0.06842665187952099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26294219681283315,0.06978522134347165,0.0,0.051612367929651605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405072419809238,0.0,0.0,0.12343376908246588,0.08217998641545858,0.0,0.11466508358775768,0.0,0.1493542072996724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751371481909985,0.0807839880988681,0.0,0.1461866747747301,0.0,0.14810428906678694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049533812538710635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980951346610869,0.0,0.0614887626642005,0.0774118097908771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551383241210992,0.05952548338793528,0.0,0.08655452917380038,0.21891280717037104,0.0,0.061748650506223336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485907638374537,0.13516392418031978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273727340071613,0.04954417473621354,0.0,0.0,0.04508649691844466,0.0,0.0,0.1477670581010131,0.0,0.0524958835388881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930076427564624,0.0,0.0,0.06379792273769835,0.1368177874130687,0.061373810830149936,0.06202224229591102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056290608912928725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907675096501856,0.09395347824568932,0.0
bpd,crystaltorta,2019/08/14,"only i can turn a good coping mechanism into a bad one trying to do tipp with an ice pack.

​

START HITTING MYSELF WITH SAID ICE PACK

​

jesus.",6.166,7.314074933333334,6.38666666666667,75.99000000000002,66.33333333333334,7.333333333333332,28.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.8273333333333333,128,4,20,1,2,41,25,30,0.111,0.7959999999999999,0.092,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620480342938599,0.5181718060309144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802997583588542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788390027141097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444835379159224,0.16216358387852964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028212542797944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091836775608275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476253189584418,0.23192236948358855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181718060309144,0.0
bpd,mouseysbakepi,2019/08/14,"I want a new life but is this a fleeting whim? My emotions are haywire and trying to sort through the vastly changing feelings and thoughts towards my bf.

I want a totally new life and don't want to unnecessarily mess up my current life.

My relationship with bf is confusing and troubling. I need to distract myself from it. Most the time I believe I'm trying to delude myself into this great future I'm throwing away if I leave him, probably as an excuse to not face my fears and stop being terribly codependent. (But isn't interdependent love super close to codependency??). I love my bf as a best friend but feel like I'm forced to lie about seeing it as a romantic relationship because that's the only reason why let's me live with him and have food. He believes he is investing in a wife. However I believe he is lying to himself about his sexuality/attraction to me, out of shame and confusion. We have lived together almost 1 year and have never been physically intimate. Rarely kiss. I scratch and massage him daily though.

I have no friends besides bf who i live with and am financially dependent on. I have been a hermit for almost a year. I'm disabled due to PTSD and haven't made hard decisions to ensure I get the therapy I need. I went to a therapist but ghosted him and am not returning his calls, possibly because I am seeking a sense of control when I feel very little control. I live in a rural area without a car. I feel dead and have so much repressed emotions and wants.

I dream about what if I did something crazy to Jump start my belief in what possible? Like work exchange at a monastery or moving to an area with good social services that can quickly supply me housing. However I don't know how to gauge whether this is a fun, smart decision, that will be scary and doable, or if I will be giving up my stability, security, and possibility of a future.

I do believe in my heart I want to go somewhere else but I don't know where to turn or how to do it because I see myself as ""disabled"" and don't have the faith that I can keep myself safe and calm and clear headed.

Now in the next couple hours will my thoughts change drastically again as I try to ""bargain"" for why I'm actually in a good situation and don't need to rock the boat? Even though I'm abyssically unhappy and my sense of self is All over the place.",5.767633540372671,6.096587117391309,6.772795031055902,75.76608695652175,66.95652173913044,9.788819875776397,33.81987577639751,9.696096459569628,3.1674440993788817,1854,80,354,37,28,622,232,460,0.145,0.687,0.168,0.8702,3,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,0,5,14,27,0,6,26,0,38,10,3,7,4,84,72,44,2,11,15,1,6,2,6,3,3,0,0,1,13,29,1,7,12,2,3,6,12,9,0,0,7,8,54,18,56,58,5,47,2,0,2,3,28,22,0,13,21,240,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.07505132539388218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402493939096576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225780129022141,0.0,0.0,0.14064760526398892,0.0,0.0,0.3465968949462986,0.0807104286079515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853188814491263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271739128904691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725182094229845,0.0,0.08509747900433545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424694643883151,0.1730227845374013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050797151817617535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654312558867737,0.1555484208669057,0.05494324540551921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929977209597389,0.0,0.11883819494735162,0.0,0.0401813689766803,0.07377736944894561,0.043708711923474544,0.129013926630534,0.0,0.08479158046489584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688946558851056,0.0,0.07893001839555233,0.0,0.0,0.09113660713465507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573910150766086,0.08874175622227401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683595567569638,0.0,0.0,0.08453348919254493,0.0,0.0,0.08143469685702896,0.0,0.07864386230700307,0.1629676437873722,0.07514693982944727,0.07708223768623253,0.2716454576184781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882533660888768,0.07277241424157793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174126309987785,0.05653638847619456,0.17107940463506746,0.059316357990490225,0.14855686994442902,0.0817927610069042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058492164447186475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035271741301774,0.0,0.0,0.26010737610484097,0.0,0.0,0.08292006546820167,0.0,0.08990158973553045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907445585337436,0.0,0.16514128536266814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257178280161213,0.0,0.08023204311787767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644805794289799,0.0,0.07839824168556779,0.0,0.05920770264139834,0.0,0.0,0.0544360316524709,0.0,0.0,0.06429871291600824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795124845890001,0.08929636733457394,0.0,0.0,0.15112386492396634,0.1221130667196056,0.04484579966016112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566468923340788,0.08365405506193484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345733328993251,0.2268122942800237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712946874277507,0.13879540659860587,0.0,0.0,0.07413677646053697,0.0,0.055990097758625436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905274009030632
bpd,sionstars,2019/08/14,"When the world turns upside down Im new here and English is not my native language but i will do my best to make me understood :)

So i wanted to ask if anyone here ever experienced a feeling like everything is like it use to be, you feel like safe at home, everything is the same, in periods its even fun to watch YouTube movies or write in forums or whatever. Its just that feeling of being here like always, day after day.

And then suddenly almost a panic attack arrives, the anxiety is really burning inside of the body and suddenly nothing is feeling like home anymore. So much anxiety and worrying that watching YouTube movies or listen to music just doesnt exists at all because of the anxiety attack thats taken over everything, home is not safe anymore, there is nowhere to go and there is no one that can help.

All the things that felt safe, maybe the bed, bath, balcony, park nearby or whatever, is burning together with the anxiety, its all over?

It was a long question i know..  im almost in that state of mind now and i read a lot of posts before about why are we here?

So many who said that there is no purpose at all, we live a really short time and the only meaning is what we make up in our minds, there are no meaning, no God, no heaven, nothing. That just feels so scary, i really dont know how to put words on this feeling, its like someone just crush the ground im standing on and im falling down really fast.",5.6039048811013785,5.809866432624112,6.3198372966207765,79.2979411764706,67.29787234042553,9.47217355027117,31.48185231539424,9.325443323948027,2.6979146433041303,1122,42,216,20,17,369,150,282,0.136,0.6779999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.9641,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,4,1,0,1,22,15,2,1,15,0,21,1,1,4,5,58,43,21,0,2,12,0,7,6,0,1,0,2,5,0,18,12,0,3,13,2,0,3,9,3,0,1,5,12,13,12,29,35,8,37,1,0,2,0,12,17,0,9,20,148,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896433179690598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702007690791833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25816454766798475,0.0,0.16734037677438213,0.05899192817849822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887250521290742,0.1919611069659061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142982847719872,0.0,0.07179078475428903,0.0,0.0885388021752034,0.0,0.0,0.09371360766327252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088205042714592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887843455109886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572413693514599,0.07631550624309981,0.0,0.0,0.2274730186855201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559533712309533,0.3013618698181256,0.08100631969438993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794816562210905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056549958680691424,0.0,0.2538833503012656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645268111032476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273267415235938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24730707621254755,0.0,0.07449831406144196,0.07466284907400139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172648747446049,0.0,0.0,0.11263232472248742,0.08553570826582857,0.08475879600858151,0.18380253733353974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037485710967387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062020041292422126,0.0,0.0,0.08148294803183212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190636113606666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716980548150004,0.06416551449559144,0.0,0.09898743653310578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080103203993849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481294264894912,0.09451124571081417,0.0,0.08439063222558464,0.0,0.2161926949837791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025309887855316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148456408852462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605021820808823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919554328954005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176794077330087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072866691929463,0.0,0.0,0.0497623149833815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612881792112185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567959732800037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Diblums,2019/08/14,"DAE get ""frozen"" in anxiety deadlock? I feel like my brain is in shut-down fight-or-flight mode constantly. I'm in a new place with a friend but I need to get a job, and I'm so terrified that I won't find work that my brain has gone on a sort of ""lockdown"" where I can't read, I can't write, I can't even watch my favourite shows because I can't focus. But at the same time, I have a constant feeling that I need to be doing something. I just moved here so my knit and crochet stuff is all still in storage, so I thought I would read some books and learn to code, but my brain feels like a rampaging toddler throwing a tantrum. I read maybe two paragraphs of a book, absorb none of it, get up and pace the apartment, sit back down and try to read, get frustrated after a page, try to watch something, get bored of it and quit, then if I try to do any journaling or writing my brain throws up the brakes again and I draw a blank on what to write. My last few journal entries are just ""I don't know what I'm doing.""   


All I'm able to do every day is pace around the apartment, pace through my social network apps, cry, and write broken journal entries that mean absolutely nothing. Does anyone else ever feel this sort of mental paralysis? If so, how do I get out of it? Honestly a huge sum of money would alleviate a lot of my stress but since no one ever gets granted lump sums of money there has to be a way out of this feeling where I don't get magically bestowed with $10G to solve all my problems. 

​

TL;DR I'm mentally paralyzed and can't focus on anything at all, but I feel a constant need to be doing something. What do I do to escape this anxious paralysis?",5.4398585336172784,4.751355638728324,6.0063249163370855,84.43513081837544,67.75722543352602,8.902707636142381,32.083358685731675,8.032893268588372,2.0680080924855484,1305,48,284,14,19,425,171,346,0.127,0.8009999999999999,0.071,-0.9752,2,1,3,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,0,2,18,9,2,1,18,0,28,5,4,1,6,58,54,23,0,8,10,0,6,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,14,14,0,1,11,7,2,4,10,5,0,2,2,8,30,4,41,46,10,41,0,0,2,0,6,21,0,7,16,178,44,9,0.08558650656730493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273294410801014,0.10399697338924488,0.058201759352133065,0.0,0.0654734432634182,0.09668839119050812,0.0,0.059844075377256375,0.0876934901236197,0.07043040246192235,0.07619013623801109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581074061048947,0.0,0.05217274001819547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821713859450331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774658253072928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401275863144597,0.05519621634088144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489732865433844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149654401633046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652908040213726,0.15483579022020058,0.07211032309871446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596506558433025,0.12228603478535052,0.0,0.0,0.078224516472217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612392266739077,0.0,0.35772333782902044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493140155344099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703610572887724,0.06976442593121727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836264879347055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276258728108458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598314945521376,0.09322879619595573,0.0,0.0,0.1725021369173295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096491178355147,0.0,0.1903839304709089,0.0,0.08265998136598228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212256133217585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579956318462054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941968320348502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189472807472292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103178478565913,0.3424386699659001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079804265902992,0.0,0.0,0.0872446652824463,0.0,0.19766602240171144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834949470124725,0.0,0.09803905410622668,0.0,0.09797607362726968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794612610888599,0.04990618024784933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432285974007974,0.0,0.08360558071045726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679345851891598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062307996111371534,0.0,0.0,0.12159639733715435,0.0,0.10399697338924488,0.0
bpd,beeswaxhoe,2019/08/14,"Does anyone else not recognise happiness? Recently talked to my psychiatrist after starting new meds, that when I do something like go for a walk, talk to my boyfriend, I get this really weird warm feeling in my chest and head and I don't know what it is - he had to point out that it could easily be happiness 
And then I just think, how fucked up is it to not be able to recognise the content feeling of happiness. 
Because I'm so used to either complete sadness or the overly ecstatic high when almost manic.",6.201462585034015,6.687114112244897,6.553469387755103,77.16891156462589,66.04081632653062,9.798639455782316,33.68027210884354,9.725611199111238,3.2162394557823126,405,17,74,8,6,131,72,98,0.163,0.7120000000000001,0.125,-0.7318,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,3,0,8,3,2,2,0,17,18,9,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,3,7,5,13,14,1,15,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,2,8,51,14,0,0.17739943209973136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763990595300605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404180766637757,0.18176668228115772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814104724599756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599992939113127,0.0,0.0,0.1416390114084672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552434385041517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819446212138887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793969662523136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400291639983636,0.0926838813805654,0.0,0.10082018543379437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5665349825975999,0.0,0.0,0.1820629970717242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874322399180502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749408848606188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666840173249372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970507772235687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133347696775128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769980389808076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364661877516058,0.0,0.17516053757153166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657074978246614,0.0,0.0,0.12556423111005593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851738875014169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367039301439087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321615116988255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Demian245,2019/08/14,Sexual fantasies / maldaptive daydreams about favorite Person I just can't seem to think about anything but sex with my FP. Why is that? I mean from a psychological point od view,3.765000000000001,6.960115500000002,4.123750000000001,79.74625000000002,81.5,6.95,26.75,8.07648339933343,2.2560375,144,6,24,3,4,45,30,32,0.0,0.9309999999999999,0.069,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485752745378589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614094495116472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698590505283335,0.0,0.0,0.4004257866490544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856168834208691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714168739824958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822205773494233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meebzie_94,2019/08/14,"Not sure what to do next I’m about 90% sure I have BPD, and I know it’s against this subs rules to ask for a diagnosis, so that’s not what I’m here for. Im just not sure what to do next. I’ve been in therapy before and didn’t get much out of it. I need advice on how to get a diagnosis, how to find a therapist that works, and how to find help because I am not doing well right now.",-0.4144662921348328,0.830861752808989,2.404929775280902,97.63525983146069,83.15730337078651,6.247752808988763,17.866573033707866,7.1686216300943375,-0.2469224719101124,292,6,81,4,8,103,54,89,0.096,0.871,0.034,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,3,3,19,14,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,4,4,14,12,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,52,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085301782003588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730200171482975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281992097295153,0.0,0.15748508020313393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330953158290201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383101506060449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338795839539666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405178197722012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999126151053735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171230664436293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605132205432882,0.13723066862603545,0.0,0.0,0.3936584408517243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805292497955548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523292614945385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116492395725012,0.2148861849503038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640453181352713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473670723094686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sugar1982,2019/08/14,"How intense do abandonment issues have to be for legit BPD diagnosis? My psychiatrist suggest I look into BPD, I’m officially diagnosed as ADHD looking into BPD I am very similar and while I probably have some social issues with assuming new friends won’t  stick around, or being slighted might temporarily spur me against a person depending on how they treat me later I’m not sharing bf in my boots about it.",8.857400000000002,8.727746173333337,9.6585,59.211750000000016,60.6,12.833333333333336,41.41666666666667,12.161744961471696,5.599866666666667,333,17,50,10,4,114,62,75,0.076,0.831,0.094,0.0946,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,14,12,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,8,3,11,8,1,8,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,5,3,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577619707750728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983163278107182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.678385632407251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223270479363354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871473457932598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747931880370135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30154236306520965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904671045236994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340407091681562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677031406097566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357808115173267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830218187295303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814205396378724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WorstThingIsMe,2019/08/14,"I'm the lying, narcissistic, manipulative BPD and I hate myself so much it physically hurts me. I honestly don't deserve to be in anybody's life. I can't believe what a horrible fucking human being I am.

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I can't handle not being the #1 person in someone's life. I can't handle not being praised and acknowledged every moment. I can't handle the thought of my FP getting new friends. I can't handle not being the center of attention. I can't handle it when people say no to me.

I want to have everything I want and nothing less, even if I'm smart enough to not tell anybody who knows me the truth. I'm tired of people telling me ""that's not true, you're super nice, you just judge yourself too much!"" whenever I tell them that I'm actually a trash person. No one ever believes me when I tell them I'm just a worthless garbage who can't do anything but hurt others in the end. I wish people would just run away from me. I wish my FP would just believe me and cut me out of his life, but he insists that I don't hurt him at all and that I'm such a wonderful person he'd never want to be without me. But of course that's just because I don't tell him everything that goes on in my head, because I only let him see what I want him to see. I'm so horrible. I just want to be like everyone else. I feel like one of those ""yandere"" characters in anime and stuff and it's not cute or quirky, it's fucking unbearably painful and my life feels like hell.",3.861360655737706,4.313307291803279,5.407336065573773,83.45657786885248,71.1639344262295,8.198360655737705,29.020491803278688,8.238735603445708,1.88135737704918,1144,42,242,16,20,389,139,305,0.146,0.713,0.141,-0.679,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,2,2,14,22,5,0,10,0,24,9,1,1,5,49,49,17,0,10,18,0,2,3,1,2,6,1,0,4,17,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,20,10,0,2,1,5,44,12,24,37,5,18,2,4,2,2,24,10,3,3,10,161,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.08739738030955517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970379333415296,0.10882487845648664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370002931597612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414431732618713,0.0,0.0,0.10918956400723816,0.0,0.0,0.3027094506601661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279734858882845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481566490896227,0.0,0.07932334074479122,0.09253914506589628,0.0,0.059153359021270814,0.0810119059348028,0.07545793777386163,0.08557816292689065,0.16098102644002918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056818399747983,0.12796298237096315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919362759156134,0.1655930601159999,0.04679126407672676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842169477763077,0.09191412409245188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28762663964401114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921968709467159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158089490072772,0.2530347521954729,0.13126308519347266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167341733276053,0.0,0.06907398731022515,0.08649734826127893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593497930040385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137598587697275,0.06811421270031974,0.09529787039540404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626832682356373,0.2346003132567859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122149438547676,0.0,0.0,0.1427350238055345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588367118056759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252446736333652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913957709516719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110042412208628,0.0,0.10293573837150496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641232548264875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597854619876754,0.08633238671324242,0.09712371012980664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724132952825892,0.0,0.10882487845648664,0.0
bpd,throwaway793247,2019/08/14,"Advice on dating a guy with bpd? I've recently started seeing a man who has bpd and we've got really close really quickly. When we met I was going through a rough patch in my life so I wanted to talk all day everyday as a distraction I guess. Now I'm trying to focus on fixing things but I still love and want a close relationship with this man, I'm just not as available as I used to be (my friend tried to kill themselves 2 days ago so I'm prioritising them more atm, as well as my child).  

I've explained why I'm not as available but it has impacted his mood drastically regardless. I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can help/not make things worse? I'm pretty sure I'm his only fp and I don't want his mood to be so impacted by how much I talk to him etc. but obviously there's not much either of us can do about that. His behaviour is self destructive because of how he's feeling (drinking heavily in all his free time and has self-harmed in the past although I don't think he is currently). I also wanna establish boundaries where he knows that sometimes I have to have other priorities. 

Sometimes I feel like having a close relationship with him is just making things more difficult for him since it makes him worry about being abandoned constantly and is now doing so to the extent where he's abusing alcohol and is incredibly unhappy. (Not that I'm going to abandon him to resolve this, it's just difficult knowing I'm having that effect on someone). 

If anyone has any advice/anything that can increase my understanding then I'm always more than happy to hear it :) thanks guys",3.8440566037735837,5.485006462264148,5.326774842767295,79.5279735849057,72.42767295597484,8.48422641509434,27.499874213836478,9.065960079200117,2.333450666666667,1277,47,241,27,25,430,166,318,0.129,0.72,0.151,0.6762,1,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,1,2,22,18,2,1,8,0,26,4,0,8,4,55,60,28,1,7,13,0,3,1,1,0,2,1,0,6,16,13,2,2,10,1,2,3,6,7,1,0,4,5,30,10,36,53,11,32,0,2,1,1,33,12,0,4,18,162,46,0,0.0,0.12469916709797635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569012695941075,0.09329412935365314,0.11247584673077547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416509844255624,0.08757300971479896,0.0,0.0,0.14314162546696232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718074366516465,0.0,0.0866083981215804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415691634067443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651070227328185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373341541596806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357497817008914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310090250770204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173769853815132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643096630494726,0.07518768326735749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131271183398636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962732684867035,0.0,0.08417475086167013,0.0,0.11594021092862378,0.20841995129694907,0.0,0.11203620459336394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861976457913735,0.0,0.07054410009852963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643898136571025,0.0,0.11568077502489847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433828303780064,0.051417824599783134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949885228056151,0.0,0.21075734204557944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473567454759005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800442402267607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004691087174009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707290446358708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484642138840308,0.0,0.10391761723557973,0.2259893926281485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386734633878386,0.0,0.2195888284835092,0.0,0.0,0.08706048596210925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891744991899078,0.0,0.20818174831231656,0.0,0.07449358107642261,0.0,0.0840495019419331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991930037095514,0.0,0.0,0.16918531592683886,0.0,0.0968962732474284,0.0,0.0,0.20976207389339116,0.06743731525409072,0.0,0.0,0.0613697235362229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291009857780068,0.0,0.0,0.10956468088651786,0.126597844428779,0.09089865544103186,0.0,0.0,0.18623025433902776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462869264754332,0.0,0.09496804378115403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141346758208661,0.0,0.10688230780921708,0.10725455106726084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ideas_SleepFuriously,2019/08/14,"[India] Indian culture and BPD Hi All, New member here. I have a few close people in my life who show symptoms of mild BPD. (Now, don't start accusing me of internet diagnosis and such please) . 

I came here to survey what fellow members from India think about one of the theories that I recently started considering. 

Recently, feminists such as Rima Kallingal had talked about the discrimination that girl children face in Indian families. (Please google ""Fish fry + feminism + Rima"" for details) 

BPD as far as I know is more prevalent in women (correct me if I am wrong, not too sure about this, and I might be biased due to high number of affected people in my life)

Also anecdotally it is not at all rare to find emotionally demanding and clingy girls in an Indian context. I think if someone from India watches the youtuber Laina (overly attached girlfriend) , they would find at least some situations that does not sound much exaggerated.

So the theory is :  I suspect there is a link between how Indian girl children are brought up, the devaluation of girls' opinion in everyday family situations (such as the fish fry incident Rima talks about), and the abandonment fears , and the BPD- like symptoms in adult life. Of course everything is on a spectrum and I am in no way devaluing the horror that severe BPD sufferers had to go through like childhood trauma. But to me these Indian version of cultural causes and effect seem to align well with what I have read about causes and symptoms of BPD.

Feel free to comment if you have supporting or opposing views.",7.781615546218486,8.589161846428574,8.06995798319328,66.54092436974794,62.67857142857143,11.588235294117649,36.11344537815126,11.326091736570909,4.532953781512607,1247,55,198,35,17,409,171,280,0.115,0.826,0.059000000000000004,-0.9464,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,1,1,17,11,0,1,13,0,17,7,1,5,4,44,28,21,0,4,8,0,1,2,2,2,6,1,0,8,10,12,0,2,10,2,1,3,5,5,1,1,4,4,17,7,43,21,8,29,0,2,2,0,19,16,0,8,11,138,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713670834891589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6743857742119256,0.0,0.0,0.10206948603265184,0.0,0.18335297444812448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809659111063262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038564392498583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020527928137677,0.0,0.16825951031898487,0.10042246647142976,0.04512361892679998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313180156135804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071849009135823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428945366627203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490452674687194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891035553990488,0.08719861911759443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467204168985716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560340336158575,0.0,0.0,0.08619082792317581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060472933118870725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373883228799208,0.0,0.0,0.19592262581116696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926651079980362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623212952831732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124289333572161,0.0,0.1008184655930664,0.0,0.0,0.20062430473222206,0.0,0.0,0.07561476249129179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263324042498681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012711731818962,0.08410986867806719,0.2782709487018766,0.0,0.14345925793850609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436580238323428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083643191433013,0.0,0.0,0.08023959971075714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633952124460429,0.09757251176055436,0.0,0.0
bpd,MargickDDe,2019/08/14,"Existencial fatigue and adrenaline addiction. I see myself doing lots of things just to don't get bored, sometimes crazy stuff that everyone around me find strage or ""cringy"".

When nothing is hapenning in my life I quickly fall in a spiral of hopelessness. 

I have to be everytime with adrenaline running in my body - I fight, I beg for attention just to antecipate the feeling of being wanted, I drive crazy af, I self-harm physically and mentally, and the list goes on.

But, honestly, this overwhelm me. Each day I'm more tired.",5.3306578947368415,7.702766315789473,5.80967105263158,74.56082236842106,70.05263157894737,9.802631578947368,32.92763157894737,10.125756701596842,3.875763157894737,420,20,70,12,8,135,74,95,0.188,0.748,0.064,-0.9053,0,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,3,0,6,5,1,0,0,15,11,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,0,2,12,1,13,9,3,11,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,2,3,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797285017284529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284256472777408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850213159791633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654837760830494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451893390801714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974310511318354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345249226531756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406129228900993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124198257248428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181495127579619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585893281450515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462116509387401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044745116833691,0.0,0.2676865337667469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537809003494473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937420661137395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047158201390594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949203955289409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513475028482085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BloodyBoness,2019/08/14,"Am I just overreacting? I am wanting an outsider's point of view before I do what I do best. Split from someone and cut them out of my life.

My husband and I have been hanging out with this other couple since the end of 2018. We go to each other's houses, we(not anyone else in their circle) get invites to their parent's awesome lake parties, her and I take our kids places together during the day before school started back, just stuff like that. Our daughters are also in Girl Scouts together. 

I sent her a recipe and she made it. She posted the dish on FB and People were impressed. Someone said it looked good and she wrote, ""Thanks, a Girl Scout mom gave me the recipe"". Not a friend sent it or even wrote out my name. I thought we were closer than that? Am I just over thinking this?",2.4288461538461554,4.647521115384618,2.8377948717948733,93.24053846153843,78.23076923076924,4.929230769230768,21.297435897435893,5.6839178017228535,0.008238974358974804,618,17,126,3,15,190,104,156,0.03,0.843,0.127,0.9461,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,0,3,1,6,7,1,0,8,0,10,2,0,1,0,25,26,8,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,11,13,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,11,3,25,6,15,15,2,19,0,0,2,0,27,10,0,1,5,85,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414176017622382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123649518505085,0.1811918349721376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597781129797012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009529012549058,0.0,0.18558098702681824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956683221672628,0.0,0.11404613624369432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477257888381829,0.0,0.15662633085013902,0.0,0.0,0.11680009306177645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662490644141007,0.0,0.09239076341674217,0.0,0.1005013359528874,0.14832365691303753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404776674176173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490618915515578,0.08639430805983739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484997151414589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732876650770262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071109926626083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963581118598936,0.0,0.0,0.12259747807745168,0.0,0.18475848617071688,0.0,0.16716944387948887,0.0,0.16936230116468595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682138106225009,0.0,0.0,0.1789698981728863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462825489525152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299669198923173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516712719938902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243765573550526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296046633088082,0.0,0.0,0.16280903647611375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331090403258448,0.0,0.14038993375177974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430386795928157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,okimleavingnow,2019/08/14,"FP basically controls my life i haven’t been diagnosed with bpd but i relate to almost all the symptoms. when i found out about ‘Favourite person’ i actually cried because i felt understood, this is what happens is it what people with BPD experience?

- one thing they say or look they give me can make or break my day, if they’re happy and laugh w me i’ll be the happiest person alive but one straight faced look and i’ll think everything is hopeless 

- everyone else doesn’t matter if i have them, this causes me to cut myself off from everyone except them

- i’ll try to mirror their personality, pick up traits similar to them or like the same things they do in hopes it will make them like me

- i do this even when they’re not around because it feels like they can watch me?

- feeling like they have no faults at all and if i tell them about my OCD, depression, anxiety they will fully understand

- but when the obsession ends and i move onto someone else i feel like they did something wrong to me

- imagining scenarios with them basically all the time

-i also get this way with tv show characters after i’ve finished the series where i watch all of the clips on youtube and read tones of fanfiction and try to be like them so they’re proud i guess? 

if you know what this is or how to control it a bit more could you please reply? thank you for reading all of it i know it’s long :)",3.631798201798201,5.355814985347988,4.291303696303697,86.39801448551451,73.13919413919413,7.8940392940392945,25.229603729603728,8.575989854853784,1.5971260073260076,1093,35,224,20,22,348,154,273,0.099,0.7,0.201,0.9865,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,3,15,3,11,17,1,1,8,0,19,4,1,7,5,54,39,23,0,6,13,0,4,6,0,2,3,1,0,3,16,12,0,2,11,4,0,1,4,6,0,2,5,9,42,11,28,29,8,22,0,2,4,0,24,10,0,11,15,149,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.10287807378211578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556635073257052,0.0,0.0,0.08430709003963008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064864606629643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384921618496024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285303058556959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509509636251936,0.0,0.2655542742687864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082989171624211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364827134581564,0.08417204161162065,0.0,0.11580270287724295,0.06798939988484841,0.0,0.0908010577970024,0.10700257646478298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761355195613516,0.0,0.09337388000512344,0.0,0.0,0.0696311904578328,0.0,0.0,0.20147323703632847,0.09474779368076428,0.10312435735750497,0.0,0.0,0.1599157826459408,0.2259435882708073,0.10122303879722493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559136483092335,0.0,0.0,0.05507939827250938,0.10113177372664688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613580905682022,0.0,0.09322560332010388,0.11222521642742198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470926720933058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587593546907875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446369620463092,0.309027417425367,0.0,0.0,0.09329643041482838,0.177058282692974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074193492826406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204843688101028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287530800351744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308734198649948,0.2761550546601496,0.0,0.11572328339276987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090394606543986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383695401749411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932494194815963,0.08116011767738711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957532418142577,0.0,0.0,0.09214473674005967,0.09705974310421583,0.0,0.0,0.14007730344187355,0.0675510860720722,0.0,0.0,0.061473257961039564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315119653301653,0.0,0.0,0.10974952311102472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368022275135767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152639863115537,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheLuminescent,2019/08/14,"DAE stalk all their friends on the internet The sad part is that in really good at it. I've found alot of my friends Reddit accounts including their alt accounts and I always feel so guilty after I find them because it's like a slither into their private life. I spend hours searching on Google for old accounts of people I know and I usually end up finding them.

Once, while on LSD, I admitted to my friend that I had found all their Reddit accounts and I could really tell it broke a lot of trust.",2.4075757575757564,4.7893782929292925,3.2891818181818198,89.11377272727276,79.20202020202021,6.384242424242425,25.051515151515154,7.554174236665415,1.3417951515151518,397,15,78,6,10,126,67,99,0.092,0.723,0.18600000000000005,0.8407,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,6,0,1,8,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,16,8,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,16,6,13,4,5,13,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,2,7,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595241163411347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686906068147447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307062989232206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980458539692947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969380058217905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504522001022836,0.0,0.0,0.4204161544856691,0.4443608325737139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608033395787896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880288007986806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053627908507638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541556868426666,0.0936633679734972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299115640329526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011750113715397,0.2041726222014638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761110709947653,0.0,0.13291260685643747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563796863674656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756933328460288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114947346239207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Callsmedoll,2019/08/14,"Having a flair up So I live a pretty long plane ride from “home” and I’m about to go back to visit, with my kids. My husband is saying it’s ok if I stay longer than the original week and a half I had planned for, and I’m starting to spiral down the rabbit hole. 

The thoughts of “what if he’s telling me to stay longer so he can leave me”, “he’s saying stay longer so XYZ happens”, and all the typical assumptions I would have are popping up. 

I KNOW that he’s just being supportive and loves me and doesn’t want to leave me or get a divorce, but that itching thought is there. 

I could REQLLY use some help guys. I don’t want to go now because of the looming thoughts. 

I’ve explained it to him like- I know 2+2=4, but my mind says it’s wrong and 2+2=5. Does that make sense to anyone else?",1.0992982456140332,2.6131127309941533,2.5881637426900603,96.81136842105265,79.58479532163744,5.729590643274852,21.92631578947368,6.42735559955562,0.13195719298245612,611,18,148,5,15,199,103,171,0.053,0.8290000000000001,0.11800000000000001,0.8164,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,9,1,12,2,1,3,1,30,31,15,0,6,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,2,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,4,3,16,4,18,24,2,16,0,0,0,1,17,3,0,4,7,84,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007618580959247,0.14664826812978612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005413424944097,0.0,0.087247547753755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427350415373623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524947426796262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956240243693825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477679912197756,0.0,0.16268224078074053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417160509792723,0.12656478522155382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593353442067,0.0,0.14356584097309366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731529067860622,0.0,0.0,0.3030969886551778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992354625248215,0.0,0.12638181783031927,0.12666094138158307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917571716718249,0.0,0.09553691331284908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451524457548715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456093727403398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414557493101864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013044679049342,0.4576559704048702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241632341626472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509738097117068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408753046303622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361387101636033,0.0,0.0,0.16883742689419354,0.0,0.11480607891832045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167174926655197,0.1564844973028559,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatasadbeautifulday,2019/08/14,"I reeeeeaaaally fucked up My partner and I had an argument. My feelings got hurt, and i started falling apart. I yelled a lot.

They've gone to their dad's for the night, and I'm locked out of my apartment. I never understand why I escalated things how I did.

I have no idea how to face them in the morning. For anyone in a similar situation, I'm really, really sorry.",1.4621621621621617,3.8048581216216237,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,82.64864864864866,7.483783783783783,25.466216216216218,8.472884824447931,2.086464864864865,287,12,57,7,8,100,53,74,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.9322,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,5,0,3,2,1,2,1,11,11,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,2,13,0,9,7,1,11,0,1,0,1,4,6,1,1,3,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784328769115907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358353146275081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835857834595215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486047085632048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28759072900909155,0.30326824385278617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283929282828944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719608994527308,0.0,0.0,0.25210574784648737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442025702032143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019689710552109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007268154562959,0.1901487767057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847623546320554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796696002484924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241091769496395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway102_5,2019/08/14,"An apology... please help My ex best friend spent two days trying to reach out to me to apologize for everything she had done to ruin our friendship and said she couldn’t explain why she did things but she’s extremely sorry. She broke my trust completely in every way. 

I don’t know if I should accept her apology and try to patch things or just keep no contact. I do truly care about my friend and want to help. I’m just so scared now. 

I want to be friends with the person I’ve known for my whole life but is it really worth the slandering and self esteem issues right now. I’ve been working on myself and going to therapy to actually be able to heal from this trama and I don’t want to mess up my progress. What should I do",3.4556802928615014,4.626676154362418,4.422928615009154,87.47830994508848,72.69127516778524,8.10274557657108,23.61256863941428,8.575989854853784,1.29476644295302,573,15,123,10,11,186,99,149,0.107,0.604,0.289,0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,3,6,11,0,1,3,0,14,2,0,0,0,25,25,11,0,7,6,1,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,2,5,8,0,1,4,0,2,1,4,4,0,1,6,1,20,7,20,14,2,10,0,2,0,0,21,5,0,2,3,81,25,1,0.1623825756969249,0.0,0.15846196991204728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041049498513172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655598581543751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025504116043785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472332774920108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617375296404993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681432352772147,0.0,0.14593898854747164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763691255281472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228575987648784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768323522371474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948522070995234,0.0,0.14433309430809718,0.0,0.0,0.08924121693180219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469561543802252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417862017106299,0.0,0.17824730554292545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402643603493827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867383240185405,0.1544630147234488,0.0,0.16257328614198974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940044077574112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177399903542565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856986270912316,0.0,0.21575953580135532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204942196519994,0.0,0.15862418134481285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873323510005323,0.12889173030146858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652501757251765,0.18129434674952302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821644907450385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aliascurie,2019/08/14,"Should I tell my FP that they are our FP? Sometimes i end up having an episode thinking that my FP isn't replying to my texts because they are too sick of my handling my shit.
How to deal with it on my own or should i tell my FP what i am dealing with?
PS: My FP is my best friend and is a really kind person.",1.6478260869565204,2.251200159420293,3.4731594202898566,94.74104347826088,76.3913043478261,6.679420289855073,23.94492753623189,6.742157984588678,0.4655484057971018,237,7,60,2,5,80,45,69,0.09,0.76,0.15,0.6759999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,2,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,0,8,10,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,16,3,7,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,1,1,44,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581288309567131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222601546259684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5348633973556073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297528569437891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041306218573146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701268883668645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264995048727983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617933177787406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26627205389198944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565548530445879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534569307219623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621409556786976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mellowellow,2019/08/14,"Depersonalisation?? Have you experienced this?

Basically you do something and it reminds you of a person in your life and you start seeing yourself as that person for that moment.

Weird feeling..

For example: I started crying and I felt like I am my mother because I have seen her cry a lot while she's drunk.

Okay I'll try to explain it simplier. You know when you watch a movie and you take the character's personality?
Well this is the same just probably lasts shorter.",3.6369570707070733,6.363040397727275,5.118787878787881,75.7787373737374,76.8409090909091,7.547474747474749,27.959595959595962,8.515128840125781,2.424617171717172,377,16,66,8,9,126,65,88,0.127,0.8,0.073,-0.6966,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,8,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,1,5,2,0,0,0,11,14,7,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,4,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,15,3,6,12,2,7,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,1,7,47,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302828333745525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695267514641196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080641701618782,0.0,0.20520645632152754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745591899382668,0.17421180248340845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095803686911258,0.10441368221696376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169864245843292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5598409298461076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304282618788396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030861412668075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645334929785902,0.0,0.0,0.302546798207018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069220520032984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510308180716364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921615766441624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zmm336,2019/08/14,"my emotions are still valid Maybe it’s just me,  but sometimes i feel like if a person knows i have bpd, it makes it so much easier for them to blame any emotions i have on it. 
like, yes i have a disorder that makes me get irrationally upset SOMETIMES, but my feelings are still valid, and i can still be genuinely upset about something. it can feel like my disorder is just being used to excuse themselves from hurting my feelings. 
in the past i’ve had friends, and even a mother, who would constantly wave away how i felt or reacted because it was just another symptom of bpd. 
but why can’t they realize that we’re still people? we hurt just as much as they do , for equally reasonable reasons sometimes. it just hurts to feel like i’m being seen as a walking personality disorder than a person sometimes..",5.798129032258062,6.606368200000002,6.213709677419356,78.12056451612906,67.0,9.296774193548387,33.564516129032256,9.3871,3.0682129032258065,641,28,118,12,10,207,93,155,0.198,0.659,0.14300000000000002,-0.8997,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,3,0,13,10,0,2,6,1,16,1,0,7,0,29,29,12,0,2,10,1,6,4,1,1,1,0,0,3,10,3,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,7,16,5,15,21,3,10,0,3,1,0,11,3,0,2,10,85,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737044286970477,0.10388267823115456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307876024817817,0.0,0.0,0.0603916555079701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954834026949235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070585937621109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406256060891803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228789970337557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543426219588258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504617825745544,0.2123251361807996,0.09512195350060312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765406064004311,0.0,0.05175956011174873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181668338769941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054445833065776224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360079800036667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225890023564746,0.0,0.0995283119034694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565449970273933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094572746773482,0.06868209874482724,0.2595101725898731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037192437829526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762682985172694,0.3919278277143018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164671157161373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297081588786333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556396720164998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893945300276411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037590642579472,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,p00psicle0000,2019/08/14,always feeling left out :(( so I'm in a discord server & I'm friends with a bunch of people on that server & all of them are following each other on social media but no one is following me even tho I told them that they can follow me if they want to. This is just one of those many times I feel left out. And I don't have any friends irl & when those few friends that you had don't know that you exist hurts so much & idk why!! I HATE EVERYTHING GOD,1.12424036281179,2.8414555510204096,2.5036054421768696,96.50726757369615,80.22448979591837,5.580045351473924,19.05215419501134,6.42735559955562,-0.2061124716553282,356,8,84,3,9,115,66,98,0.157,0.6940000000000001,0.149,-0.4332,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,4,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,13,19,7,0,2,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,2,2,12,3,10,17,5,12,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,1,2,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829838456006948,0.6682589557266226,0.0,0.10485444870812917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184100321919873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857597863558074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559261362440576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573803026688465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223064677117712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650635231234569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847387603137455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350556486690511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632440123738398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334734950255808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089661918266606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689589222285767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717722939557316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990939578573039,0.0,0.0,0.14733509829926386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094522336551393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913244093851215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdelightful,2019/08/14,"I know someone is being abused and can't help. As we all know, some disorders get added to BPD as a bonus prize. Mine is PTSD but didnt develop until a 2 year abusive relationship. I think he targets mentally unstable women. Anyway, he targeted a girl with mild depression and she called me in the middle of the night. She knows she is being abused. He uses me as leverage, talks about how horrible I was, being a Borderline and all, and has tried to manipulate her into thinking she's Borderline too. He's a sociopath so maybe the whole BPD reaction to his abuse gave him some PTSD too haha. (I hope bitch.) The last contact I could make with her, she had nowhere to live but with him. She's in the cycle I was stuck in. He hasn't physically abused her yet, and I hope he won't. He appears to stick to emotional and psychological abuse as his specialty. You can make them rot from the inside out instead of covering them with bruises. I'm so sad for her but I've done everything I can. But I shake when I think about her.

I guess I just wanted to vent and say... Please read up on the signs of abuse guys. I know having BPD, or even other depression or mood disorders, we often feel we are the bad guys. And sometimes we are. But sometimes people can abuse us too. And you NEVER deserve to be abused, no matter how ""crazy"" you are. Please remember that you're a human being, and do not deserve to be hurt.",2.8564404761904747,4.6995596678571445,4.215714285714288,85.61761904761907,75.53571428571428,7.666666666666666,24.523809523809533,8.472884824447931,1.5784880952380944,1097,36,224,21,24,362,153,280,0.259,0.6659999999999999,0.075,-0.9971,0,0,0,0,8,0,40.0,5,3,2,2,16,13,1,1,14,1,27,0,0,6,3,58,47,27,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,2,20,0,0,9,1,1,2,7,7,0,0,7,2,41,5,32,32,5,17,0,4,0,0,44,8,1,9,7,155,43,1,0.0,0.766830090865492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060043081126483676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27170997083399445,0.0,0.0734296601293561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057415464401280834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387450278555875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483356984659162,0.0,0.0,0.07359041003398438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089073472785993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047496853591805485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646294003450522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03636060442364026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037570779681820564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921860136626695,0.14240734001022542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482007484692937,0.0,0.0,0.14284864876347553,0.0,0.0,0.07698272545752438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808267259544515,0.058617453190448573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634991533369252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600294111822412,0.0,0.07224474610208256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246985695813839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055462565720000113,0.0,0.0,0.06748405151863039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049854364960903584,0.0,0.0,0.15787441841305205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812134115984473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193093915484962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720601620535013,0.08146168727438742,0.0,0.0,0.05718689432666325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609303626997089,0.0,0.1422445827827483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779972277127057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382339160383439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882317377108418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650065487465959,0.06210842892588681,0.0,0.0,0.042415253409950136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028659807079791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046308634693025784
bpd,maxippa,2019/08/14,"how do i approach the topic of possibly having bpd with my doctor? hi! avid lurker here. i have struggled with my mental health for a very long time now and over the last little while i have begun to realize that a LOT of my behaviour lines up with the criteria for being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. before anyone says it, i am not self-diagnosing nor am i asking for a diagnosis, and i'm aware that it's a lengthy and difficult process to actually receive this diagnosis. 

with that being said, i really want to bring it up to my psychiatrist. my ""psychiatrist"" is one that works for my university and who i have never met before so i am unsure how useful they will be but that's beside the point. they also have some of my past records of speaking with doctors and bpd has never come up (although bipolar has). 

i will likely have a meeting with her in september and i'm debating if i should just go straight out and tell her that i think i show symptoms of bpd and wanted to talk about it, and that i could be wrong it's just what i've been seeing? or should i just name some of my symptoms and see if she puts it together herself?

really any advice is welcome here. thank you!",4.522190237797247,5.828450000000004,5.919474342928663,77.24411764705884,70.27659574468085,9.103879849812262,28.7171464330413,9.478462496947786,2.6063792240300367,950,35,179,21,17,321,134,235,0.049,0.8809999999999999,0.069,0.6685,0,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,1,11,6,0,1,9,0,24,7,0,3,2,43,39,21,0,7,8,0,0,1,0,4,7,3,0,1,16,19,0,0,2,1,0,6,4,3,0,1,3,5,29,3,29,27,3,24,0,0,2,0,21,9,0,6,10,141,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.12021830490932925,0.0,0.0,0.1203824811318595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851715806681856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377526078517451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613920054967471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516854515811918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096558290773828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465470681074858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611960323769994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983593470532653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500759956056507,0.0,0.0,0.1411895076669263,0.2521858981291493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001325066057562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309480798615286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041849320318734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018573075163788,0.12347144976619248,0.0,0.10902166327798823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473402853677616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414926685304335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900276104009473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347856209846284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760137215427875,0.0,0.10756711429654058,0.0,0.0,0.11645692135485912,0.13888125974959487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384269003617218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784079691575598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718446900252767,0.09796778001588713,0.0,0.0,0.19633726494223164,0.0,0.12851685393193218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287877585462811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560887708858175,0.0,0.09901762619053377,0.10767585015896812,0.1134192871421374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893690816536696,0.0,0.0,0.07183465434026051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639893936864303,0.0,0.10164687968060712,0.14532449311368498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968575316856782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469187886249065,0.0,0.0
bpd,cat-mommy,2019/08/14,"Does anyone find it really stressful and trauma inducing when people give stupid or sarcastic replies? I can’t handle awkwardness, but it always happens to me. I’ve discussed this with a close friend but he said awkward moments rarely happen to him and I can see how as he is the outgoing, charming type. However, he told me it might be because I present myself as cold and have a RBF.

Here’s an example of the conversations I went through;

I was sitting alone in class, as per usual since I find it extremely difficult to make friends or keep them. There was a girl sitting in front of me with her friends, note these girls were all in my assignment group so I sort of knew them? I asked her ‘hey why do you cover your phone up with that case?’.  This is bc she has the Coral iPhone and it’s genuinely gorgeous but she covers it up completely in this opaque worn out case. And she fucking replies; ‘why? Because I bought it.’ Laughter from her whole group ensues. Btw I’m also a girl (19f).

I nervously laugh that shitty and condescending reply to my honest question off by explaining ‘cause the coral colour of your phone is so nice’. Then she was just like ‘yeah well I bought this case’. 

Afterwards, I just slump back into my seat and not talk anymore. Everyday I deal with conversations similar to this when I try to talk with others. However, I’m not a hated person in class, in fact, I recently joined the class. It may be also because they don’t want anyone to intrude their clique but I’m not sure. It’s been irritating me for a whole day now and I just want to see if anyone feels how I feel?? It’s so hard to make friends.",2.9838244514106584,5.121007946708467,3.792163009404391,87.46686520376178,76.11598746081505,7.284012539184951,25.420062695924763,8.216663640201805,1.5951717868338562,1281,46,257,23,29,408,181,319,0.102,0.732,0.166,0.9840000000000001,2,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,4,0,17,21,3,4,12,1,18,1,0,6,3,51,44,28,0,3,13,0,3,1,4,2,0,1,0,4,18,16,0,1,8,0,2,2,5,9,1,0,12,8,40,12,36,28,3,28,0,0,3,1,43,12,1,7,13,163,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236722580637108,0.0,0.1909835113874513,0.0993582922588436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842216460264092,0.2504817533093097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163178875279622,0.0,0.0,0.09181855564248807,0.0,0.21837281823348173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266647721689435,0.0,0.0,0.12519861732050205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700926648654435,0.12310597920254425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044960818663995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075408953006495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827628899730625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690220177687948,0.11039218367987423,0.0,0.11454849912431493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118690094650072,0.0,0.10696748187513186,0.11789218659695345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061366742376518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058337463341012426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941357316110008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667463813968718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278353104107691,0.10426379323810332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376599852475146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649680072662833,0.0,0.1179025023550211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135858047945181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190307866216784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877679477491348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367832098694645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254206615375303,0.0,0.0,0.19195370948776375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410092034284128,0.0,0.08107123066499865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151272406808845,0.0,0.1408616657751571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736350538558714,0.11069382795001133,0.21549705051792892,0.26663294533140924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tambayngsagul,2019/08/14,"Can I just... disappear? I want to just disappear. Poof. Suddenly, nothing has consequences. No responsibilities, no obligations, no dreams, no purposes. Suddenly, nothing matters. Heck, nothing even exists. 

Poof. All emotions are gone. No happiness, yes. But no sadness, no disappointment, no feelings of uselessness, of inadequacy. Nothing is relevant.

I wish I could wake up one day and everything will be alright. But I also wish I could just disappear, so I don't have to worry anymore whether things are alright or not. ",4.260382059800666,7.619620918604653,5.4661794019933545,66.81395348837215,89.81395348837209,9.433887043189367,37.53820598006645,9.04235418022936,5.431736877076411,413,27,57,15,14,136,57,86,0.32899999999999996,0.484,0.187,-0.9101,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,3,11,1,1,0,1,17,16,7,0,5,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,4,10,3,0,1,1,1,7,3,5,11,1,8,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441253283990483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873410368349968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877889186684213,0.0,0.0,0.11622978069165713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027281092331076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903646759524505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619740032885299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911268343670857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185214629817432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6917204059442988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212466754837882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197330340207633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630097693352726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144981611456513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830265513627993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rocklover1531,2019/08/14,"I just feel empty I was on the phone with my friend who up until recently was knocking on deaths door, and I am so happy when I talk to her and the minute we get off the phone, all the happiness and joy I feel when we talk is gone and I'm empty and depressed and almost to the point that of becoming numb. When I feel that way I usually call my boyfriend who answers no matter what ever at work, and he didn't answer I message him he answers and says he didn't see it, so I call again and he answers only to immediately hang up and I feel abandoned, and like he doesn't want me anymore, I know that I'm overreacting but I feel like I'm being too clingy even though he has told me that I'm not clingy. I just feel like laying in be and crying myself to sleep like I used to...",2.056250575771536,3.1972511796407233,3.763712574850299,90.95902809765087,76.12574850299401,6.5755872869645335,21.828189774297556,7.010146845296331,0.3917391985260252,605,15,140,6,13,203,91,167,0.09300000000000001,0.774,0.133,0.8276,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,12,11,0,0,5,0,10,2,1,1,2,37,27,20,1,1,4,0,6,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,8,15,0,1,11,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,6,8,23,8,15,19,1,19,0,2,1,0,22,8,0,1,12,89,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097090600063404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951988992849996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665097920975014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078989766217904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560995856519267,0.0,0.0,0.1298549951409843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957987404483004,0.13637696189354914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573925388596274,0.21541528457106315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648185046930115,0.0,0.07876929155423522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32098755867929746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828573444096539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946276527447145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466474319609796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425231070394714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886376408985455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989559946443733,0.0,0.0,0.12014140809171912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087541616788286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423608587993809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812735454468134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406388455782124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021387864372402,0.1660480374838483,0.0,0.08892600820343789,0.11967145738617994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975983264927748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frodosynthesis1,2019/08/14,"I've realized that I should never get married or have a family I just got out of a horrible fight with my little brother, my rage was incompletely unhinged and I was furious at him just for playing music too loud in his room for the 4th time this week. 

I screamed at him, told him I hated him and then I went back to my room, cried and wanted so badly to self harm and/or die because I despise myself and my reactions. 

If I act like this to my own brother (who is just acting like a normal preteen), how could I ever think about bringing this upon my own child or partner? Or what if I get so depressed again that I finally end up committing suicide, and ruin the lives of my family that way? I can't have these extreme emotional swings and depression blackholes if I would want whatever future children I have to go through their lives unscarred by my mental issues. 

I guess I've finally resigned myself to the fact that I'm too messed up to date anyone and have a family. I'm better off alone, and that just breaks my heart.",10.090735294117646,6.4718461127451015,9.856960784313724,69.81132352941178,60.911764705882355,12.945098039215686,40.20588235294117,10.686352973137794,4.139335294117647,813,30,155,14,8,268,123,204,0.259,0.68,0.061,-0.9936,0,1,0,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,13,17,5,0,7,0,11,1,1,1,4,35,25,18,2,9,10,2,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,4,11,10,0,0,2,1,0,5,2,13,0,0,5,2,32,4,22,17,2,30,0,4,0,0,15,11,0,8,14,113,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496130603880902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100713577083373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107790320291497,0.12061489539725745,0.0880591604320628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775977226660953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533652342652535,0.0,0.15867835563361385,0.0,0.0,0.2488398315934732,0.0,0.14992273181186352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624937848751518,0.12794531880701915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066890570507414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085413551772766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31648941840504075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509448075048036,0.0,0.08209778904497718,0.0,0.11553482170335255,0.0,0.15913479351902962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426205934036356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118129584590827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077474482205686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114800784555195,0.14478306521040235,0.2551149472630729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557787595954388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141352904074556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153640778671225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069932424619076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801163967126805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925617018675612,0.0,0.0,0.0842335735379077,0.0,0.0,0.13803409230868832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704080222836129,0.11466260989880005,0.1158740524212537,0.0,0.0,0.1339123472391217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261754181723044,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,everythingbagel420,2019/08/14,I don't think any amount of therapy will help me fix what's wrong with myself It's been three months since I had a talk therapy session. I broke up with my therapist. It wasn't helping. Nothing helps me. Ive been in the psych ward so many times. Went to a DBT group. The people who were my support structure got sick of my bullshit. I was supposed to change. I promised everyone I would change. Nothing changed. I tried to learn the acronyms and coping skills. It only touches the top of my iceberg of problems. Felt like I was going to be apologizing for my actions and withdrawing my real self forever from now on. I feel like I couldn't possibly start looking for a new therapist. There's just so much wrong right now. I don't know where to start. I can't start trying to get to know someone if all I can think about is my destructive behavior and the people I hurt. There's not enough time in one session to start working on this enough where it will have helped me. I need to change but I can't stop the bad thoughts.,1.9718007397133623,4.274276480582529,2.727947295423025,92.97639158576052,80.31067961165049,6.059731853906612,24.8580674988442,7.2636822038024595,1.0357834489135462,809,31,171,11,21,253,122,206,0.10099999999999999,0.807,0.092,-0.20199999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,1,0,9,0,20,1,0,0,1,24,38,7,0,5,4,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,8,0,0,3,7,7,0,2,11,4,28,4,24,22,5,23,0,2,1,0,9,9,0,1,13,108,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215188298791288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858936860271897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448960448973485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926006813684248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138344060242974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364752986473137,0.07579811822789075,0.10187298414871296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543305885507389,0.0,0.060299279547682785,0.0,0.08485815016973804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844673386482671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358262956613095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166199659437845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367055290629876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909758015817534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075691117086654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846882949212644,0.0,0.07799597250340218,0.0786720723853429,0.0,0.10247238863034183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036123135061103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189634968696401,0.0806941046792933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471132603828991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961221378185208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152371514449413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076543775642523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060912753104312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106858148809539,0.0,0.0,0.08776731402227582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989849053434115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003935229961285,0.0,0.0,0.08870465163710949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040143093410895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527945018232158,0.0,0.0,0.24267001629680301,0.24638139078210625,0.0,0.13596965280669324,0.0,0.0842318341414647,0.12373594605038506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407035936246854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835609649164108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724232557025354,0.0,0.0,0.07537065142087139,0.23200817501551435,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway638292636,2019/08/14,"Someone please help :( The love of my life broke up with me about a month ago and she has bpd and I do not. It was over something really small but everything added up over the years and she decided that was the final straw. I wasn’t perfect and sometimes I took her for granted. She claimed I didn’t love her right and I can admit sometimes I was selfish and wasn’t putting her first and I regret that so much. All of this time without her has literally been killing me. There isn’t a second that goes by that she isn’t on my mind. I regret not being a better girlfriend because she means everything to me and all I want and need is her. Every time she tried to break up with me throughout the relationship she always said she’d be seeing other people and getting on dating websites right away. Then when we were doing well she would say how she loved me more than anything in this world. If she loved me so much why would she be jumping on dating sites right away? I got the book “loving someone with borderline personality disorder” and I want to understand her as much as I possibly can. All I want is to love her and support her and take care of her for the rest of my life. I don’t care that she has bpd, I really just love her as a person. I always looked past it. I’m scared she is just going to replace me right away and never remember our relationship or me while I’m stuck missing her probably for the rest of my life. She was the best thing that’s ever came into my life. She was so good to me and loved me so much or so I thought. Can someone please tell me how I can get her back? I really don’t want to live without her. Life is so dull and meaningless to me without her.",2.3246301633045117,4.076153706051876,3.5434783861671484,90.25909846301636,76.78097982708935,6.586320845341017,23.094044188280506,7.42949916751922,0.8068717387127758,1324,40,286,17,30,430,155,347,0.11199999999999999,0.6709999999999999,0.217,0.9928,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,4,16,24,1,1,12,0,33,13,0,2,6,57,67,34,1,10,11,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,2,12,22,0,0,6,1,0,5,13,8,1,2,16,4,68,16,41,45,11,42,0,5,2,8,50,20,0,3,16,218,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398956655320252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013100871903795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940388633306989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034666542908028,0.0555074743018011,0.0,0.04400462597670491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575597643442708,0.0638436815190682,0.0,0.0,0.1818344154386902,0.0,0.0,0.08256288627335016,0.14719925218131935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273274548702418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529742384692885,0.060820800209297275,0.0,0.12975433911193082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907751115367091,0.0,0.06140236596484192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542962895381089,0.0,0.04102562961891749,0.06054716939375019,0.05773467054871196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838553528999608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986440303487832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25493964855313184,0.0,0.0,0.06374258952899799,0.0,0.060619038086858534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521213880785076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863298545237833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288845874986384,0.0,0.05761910667191311,0.0,0.21226348995838476,0.05352586842238274,0.05567519211093519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891081746893782,0.05004549123781461,0.12606209677936284,0.0,0.15847966029777855,0.0,0.08138018260454681,0.0,0.0,0.0778299735721063,0.0,0.0,0.07256803939965258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873483973227946,0.0,0.0,0.15500400057413122,0.08177398628796136,0.2465897791194876,0.0686665249367482,0.057406131262272224,0.07227194566223462,0.0,0.05752382467542641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834918528194937,0.055573206627680435,0.14278990469266228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819171397758474,0.0,0.0,0.054275764535173326,0.0,0.06309476428883135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047957945052317666,0.0,0.0,0.05730854589858224,0.08418583325187552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020259680754546,0.049010346778646616,0.0,0.0,0.0751493849403044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031144169959747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490493097436698,0.0,0.06513768872771683,0.0,0.0,0.20875755416006486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255938221895496,0.0,0.0,0.046486167732402606
bpd,_isowolf,2019/08/14,"My parents never hit me, but they were never there. They always prioritized my older siblings and work over me. I dont recall seeing much of either of them growing up, and they definitely werent there when I was traumatized.

My relationship with them is much better now but they still prioritize work over me. I just asked my mom if they would come visit me for my birthday because all I want is to see them, and it's in 2 months and I figured that was enough time in advance for them to plan around their schedule ( I live 5 hours away from them and dont own a car) and she said they wouldnt be able to. 

I wanna die. I dont want my birthday to come. I've gone the past three years not seeing them for my birthday and the holidays. I'm never enough, something catastrophic has to happen for them to even give a little bit of a fuck. I just want them to put in the effort for me like they do my older siblings. 


Is that too much to ask for?? :(",3.343159057437412,4.340786541237115,4.473048600883653,87.67412371134024,72.76288659793816,6.986156111929308,23.65095729013256,7.1686216300943375,0.7303163475699566,735,19,159,7,14,241,103,194,0.085,0.795,0.12,0.4849,2,0,1,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,16,6,10,3,1,0,6,0,14,1,0,0,4,29,31,11,1,7,7,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,11,0,0,1,1,0,8,8,1,0,1,5,4,39,2,28,22,9,31,0,0,3,1,25,9,1,1,15,122,42,2,0.12238238368209176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018319470718501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894626804914036,0.2288220166706598,0.0,0.11498227805104527,0.0,0.0,0.07460316518038576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823727306789026,0.1336098662213669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108431741305964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270135925754604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302937266569345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529074344337557,0.0,0.08083241020627191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314054167063585,0.0,0.11740033403149465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822233771604486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205219958729735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978985089409299,0.12265929945524905,0.10806588694049504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333276865008607,0.09768445105899932,0.0,0.26989540051164473,0.0,0.28316651679079863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135891154100306,0.0,0.11682783307991518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302809784168993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139287974603098,0.0,0.0,0.11641367216553936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925687446819926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421593802077356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773472969628816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136215209808687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655290214176914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819166577543538,0.0,0.0,0.08693693404563217,0.0,0.0,0.07881024262720564
bpd,back2oothefuture,2019/08/14,"I want to help her, ​

but we aren’t together, and we haven’t spoken in months. I’m respecting her and her decisions, and I’d hate to impose myself on her life. Looking out/being there for her whilst loving her from a distance is all I feel I can offer her right now. I’m not sure if this is something that you guys would advise?

I don’t want her to think I don’t care about her or that she has no-one in her corner.

I want to help her through everything that comes her having BPD and everything else. 

Where do I start/What would be advised? 

Backstory \[Long\]: 

I’m not diagnosed with BPD; I am but a lowly lurker on the subreddit.

I never understood BPD at first. When my GF (ex) told me, she had BPD and that I was her FP (Favorite person) I never understood the magnitude of what exactly she was telling me. The way her eyes lowered as she told me, let me know that what she was telling me was something of great significance. I recall hastily looking into BPD, and rather quickly coming to the conclusion that some good ol’ reassurance whenever she got this “feeling” would suffice. Little did I know my continued ignorance would turn into a deep regret. I seen her on this subreddit a few times, but never understood it but figured I’d add it to my list of ever-expanding lists of Reddit fueled knowledge because knowledge is power, but I digress. 

\[Fast forward\]

After being together for a while, she randomly breaks things off one day, no explanation. This broke me, as I’d been spending a lot of time trying to identify and work on things that I felt would have held me back in terms of being together for the long-haul. I went from thinking about her literally all day every day (I had a lot of free time) to think about her all day every day whilst simultaneously being forced to think about a reality without her in it. 

I spent a lot of time trying to piece together an explanation. I came across a post on my Reddit popular page from the BPD subreddit. I still don’t know if this was coincidence or divine intervention but every time I think back to that moment, it feels like latter. If I remember correctly, the post was related to a user explaining how their SO who suffered from BDP, broke up with them rather unexpectedly and out of nowhere. I related to this post so much I got goosebumps, and because my apartment AC is always on Cold.

I started browsing this subreddit that day and I’ve been frequenting it ever since. I’ve learned so much about BPD and you guys offer so much perspective in the day to day moments/events and feelings that people with BPD experience. 

I started to apply a retrospective application of the knowledge I’d amassed here to our not so great moments (arguments, disagreements, etc.) in hopes of seeing things from her point of view/perspective. 

A lot of things finally made sense from the things she said to the way she felt, it all lined up with being related to or as a result of her BPD. I hated myself for a few days, realizing I’d been pretty selfish to her.

If I could go back, I would change my “how can you get so angry at someone you love” to “I love you” and reassurances of her place in my life & significance. 

I don’t know if/when I stopped being her FP, but I feel as though I’m not. I don’t want her to struggle through life with this over her shoulder feeling as if no-one cares or understands her. I won’t fully be able to assumer her perspective with having BPD, but I sure as hell would never leave her corner.",5.983956399740992,6.310981952802361,6.662218145190304,76.75125080941078,66.49262536873158,9.977466004748543,32.02331102957047,9.864919413459043,2.9980586660910857,2756,105,524,57,41,908,276,678,0.10400000000000001,0.762,0.134,0.9633,3,0,2,0,0,0,87.0,3,5,2,4,27,28,3,1,27,0,48,10,3,4,13,124,107,47,0,21,24,1,8,1,1,8,4,1,0,3,32,28,0,3,32,0,3,6,18,10,0,2,28,15,100,19,91,62,18,87,2,4,5,3,70,33,1,17,45,378,132,4,0.04816103962477244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040073843068254886,0.10436493262394224,0.05852093463257646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109860000366684,0.0,0.05871704548130585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6065714345028344,0.0,0.0,0.055083399083388745,0.09820677932497604,0.0,0.050947993997047435,0.08297294233371227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845267124091945,0.0,0.0,0.2795389766512081,0.0,0.0,0.0488824414372242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023236871687176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053712289977498884,0.0,0.08712883522432165,0.12173325915743208,0.0,0.08656807394596704,0.04711073813198057,0.0,0.0,0.14611001226967382,0.034406256330968166,0.09248430139870008,0.052758064815919284,0.0,0.04096575570175294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025162155430337924,0.0,0.027371028690351868,0.040395195052210855,0.07703756596525846,0.1061954324194348,0.0,0.0953740021927764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509811163726456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456265933868002,0.0,0.0,0.04783477923056704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587219143111128,0.0,0.0,0.05099558705747969,0.0,0.04924792602659587,0.10205269973438788,0.02352905125258655,0.04827001406310662,0.0,0.08524200905677998,0.08088628723405893,0.0,0.0,0.16377917453562574,0.13040165578165466,0.04557114017818125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844168234537365,0.0,0.1062117168133506,0.0,0.14857905117015668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032635166867248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033388800835401314,0.042052362142454544,0.050318035853128204,0.0,0.04552774946912733,0.0,0.13837488905865988,0.04899709150467774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455706946128495,0.04112926469210588,0.045812177450260165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038378113150123336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03983930966006292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080669258558886,0.07415344247731888,0.0,0.0,0.10226589518977347,0.0,0.038461468456494334,0.04026478563491051,0.0,0.050348375498601466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078241976771173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418974283160115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998027356928365,0.15429824767003372,0.04731797690438468,0.0,0.14041544753013005,0.0,0.0,0.09203987451496264,0.0,0.06539636906310213,0.05238538132108098,0.0,0.050137340739674977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362651592080245,0.07645598308454551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04464576623697286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046425523567573776,0.0,0.03506181044204788,0.0,0.0,0.2394855451919441,0.0,0.05852093463257646,0.0
bpd,moonstarsandme,2019/08/14,"I feel like my life is a never ending cycle of happy sad happy sad I feel like shit. I’m sad. I’m depressed. I think everyone is against me. I hate myself. Life seems pointless. I feel utterly alone and like I’ll always be alone. I suck af everything I do. I just hear negativity in my head all day long; voices reminding me how completely unworthy and unlovable I am.
Fast forward an hour. Or a day. Or a week. Or however long this part of the episode lasts. 
Then I feel like I’m starting to find “healing” again. I’m more positive. Learning to love myself. Positive self affirmations. Feeling more energetic throughout the day. Realizing I have a close group of family and friends who love me. Starting to feel content and okay. Starting to feel happy. Starting to feel like I finally have a fucking grip on my life and my emotions and my feelings and this whole BPD thing under control. 
Fast forward an hour. Or a day. Or a week. Or however long that part of the episode lasts. 
Then right fucking back to the opposite side of the cycle. Why why why can’t I just have stable emotions and moods and views on myself and things and other people!!!! How come I can’t get my mind under control when I KNOW MY DISORDER and I KNOW those feelings and thoughts won’t last and aren’t ever true? I feel so fucking helpless and I just want out of this back and forth and back and forth. 
I feel like my head is going to explode 😣",1.27542857142857,3.852194257142859,2.9121428571428574,88.43285714285715,86.78571428571428,5.771428571428572,24.785714285714285,7.225922671290522,1.3377071428571434,1112,47,218,18,35,365,131,280,0.14300000000000002,0.669,0.188,0.9044,3,2,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,2,12,27,6,0,14,1,13,12,3,4,4,60,50,30,0,1,9,0,13,6,1,1,4,2,0,1,9,21,0,2,20,0,0,4,6,12,0,0,1,16,33,14,20,47,6,44,0,5,1,5,7,11,5,7,39,135,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389775549392865,0.0,0.0,0.061820728463082286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713885132443419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357397512884706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399994790939807,0.0778985784614792,0.0,0.16665992372721392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166065939230392,0.0,0.06399155839133415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515034791259644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714736473627967,0.06580474104091925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720553422507065,0.0,0.07099359151147988,0.06677299933363627,0.0,0.07004022846795506,0.0,0.450799159884741,0.2653875529787834,0.0,0.0813883009340405,0.06790575243019381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057401373953649186,0.20605804678912784,0.03881691046589539,0.0,0.04222447369321308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372703577765776,0.0,0.07335251733737995,0.15249950587346842,0.0,0.08373767534407771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633438316631125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166294391963366,0.18168495182974068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743367134662992,0.21778541469096632,0.0,0.0,0.1972504765728829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411117636814252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501839307795323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057302123245629735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160911969579199,0.0,0.05150791219693136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344889608132212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676368402575769,0.07750756416512262,0.0,0.0762643989975844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103500821984373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987187281731998,0.04760626553980248,0.0,0.0589832066239677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382206352770899,0.0,0.1191925126146028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011233940589128,0.08294950797716523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlueberryPuffy,2019/08/14,"Boyfriend wants to get rid of the dog I fell in love with = he’s mad at me/ doesn’t care. I’m currently already a little drunk so this is kind of just venting but also I could really use some support because I texted two people who I *thought* were my friends and neither of them have answered so I’m just crying on my couch hugging my poor dog. We just adopted her Friday, and I’m already so over the moon in love with her. She’s so snuggly and adorable and I love her so much. We have had 2 cats for a while now, the shelter told us that this dog has been cat tested and shown no signs of aggression. Well last night she tried to attack my cat, luckily she was behind a gate and on a harness. We’re seeing a behaviorilist trainer tomorrow but my boyfriend sounds pretty resigned that we’re bringing her back to the shelter. I’m so devastated and can’t stop thinking of how sad she’s going to be if we bring her back and how she deserves such a loving home and I want her in OUR home. Well SO and I got in a fight because he feels bad for the cats and told me I’m being unreasonable for crying about getting rid of puppy, my mom pretty much told me I’m in the wrong and that we should get rid of her. Ugh. I’m so devastated and can’t even calm down. Currently the pup is licking my tears as I sob alone and blast Beartooths “disease” and drink my cider with whiskey.. if you made it this far thank you for caring for. A moment...",2.2243143812709043,3.7895331973244173,3.439617391304345,91.70429565217394,76.55852842809364,6.121792642140468,24.66903010033445,6.742157984588678,0.6970531371237456,1122,38,249,10,25,364,160,299,0.19899999999999998,0.616,0.185,-0.6544,2,1,2,0,1,0,25.0,6,2,1,0,22,25,4,0,15,0,16,8,0,4,0,44,49,32,0,6,7,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,8,22,3,1,4,3,1,4,5,10,2,1,10,4,40,15,32,35,4,27,0,3,1,5,34,12,1,3,11,158,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157772862027448,0.2467187597524176,0.08939576669862033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717348525459524,0.0,0.17191411173016016,0.09333720751717224,0.13628824373581142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279479385830589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925256690655453,0.0,0.2455848352639709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950838765175692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383404710315074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056522703646568764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636611079002518,0.0,0.17521177764130233,0.0,0.06353094572236641,0.0,0.08940601899349256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426230685475765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164086238372858,0.0,0.09112106324190296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203961963410104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035673684655855,0.1057752584281539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092320722504355,0.0,0.0,0.16435214260755612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490422547479328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749880786747709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274544808785179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161340894057774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907950998300528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345866900486352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685419844065238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029181548822744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162839006658572,0.0,0.08874613632332208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204508864968971,0.0,0.07589581707705946,0.0,0.10919934200855644,0.0,0.13446561074038982,0.09654779885478096,0.0,0.0,0.13186935897171245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010192986749462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222118476888462,0.0,0.0
bpd,PitbullsAndPrada,2019/08/14,"Being ghosted I just can’t let go when someone ghosts me. In my head I tell myself I don’t need them. And **I know** in my head that I don’t need them. I know that I friends who are much better than them. Yet, I can’t let it go when someone ghosts me. It’s so incredibly painful to be ghosted. It’s almost like a grieving process when I’m ghosted. Even if I haven’t know that person forever.

One of my best friends had to abandon me because my fear of abandonment pushed him over the edge. And he deleted me on all social media. That was 7 years ago, and I still think about it everyday. I don’t even really wish to talk to him. I just wish he could see how much better I’ve become.",-0.5544700793078583,1.6129152328767131,1.5506777217015149,97.63141672674836,91.87671232876713,4.443547224224947,19.32804614275415,6.05967700443912,-0.17218630136986324,528,17,123,5,19,175,83,146,0.106,0.731,0.162,0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,3,13,11,0,1,2,0,14,3,2,1,1,20,26,9,6,6,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,2,1,26,6,12,19,4,15,0,3,1,0,14,4,0,2,9,83,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052227560685253,0.0,0.1474428666780888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975813134993782,0.1626186245230923,0.0,0.0,0.15452272874546694,0.2604494152358308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756177061385978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945055836460448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568961596130832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22751957187155136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736348828407582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30222815149835697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427631530218499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011324413054514,0.0,0.07193562467448981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164814924522574,0.2183580394942593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977585112759793,0.0,0.1566772217856461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285671448151905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432780979356303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733382335077724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009597202048638,0.2495174914221424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175886664368567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834856376828705,0.1286971088796051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434754264562917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386449899873697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481983897531754
bpd,60sgal,2019/04/29,"BF stressed and acting erratically- does anyone have any insight or advice on how to support him? My bf has BPD, and I do not (although I have many things I need to work on, I’m certainly not perfect and I’m currently in therapy). 

We have been together a little over a year. In this time, he has broken up with me at least three times (not counting “soft” break ups). Over Christmas, he left me while I was out of town, saying he no longer loved me and was done, out of the blue. We ended up getting back together in January/February. I told him things needed to change, if he left me again I wouldn’t come back. 

Well, he had been at his new job for two months, when he took something a co worker did (which was legit rude and uncalled for) and became very paranoid. He thought his boss was protecting the co worker, told me I wasn’t trusted, etc. He had a manic episode then too and said he was measuring his belts so he could hang himself then said he would never kill himself. 

Things improved, work calmed down, and then he randomly got angry at me for asking a question. He split on me, then broke up with me a few days later. This time, it was AWFUL. He kept me up all night, called me pathetic, stupid, said I’ve done nothing to better myself, shut the fuck up, I didn’t know anything and threatened to break everything in his house because I was “fucking irritating”.  He told me he didn’t love me, then when I said I loved him he said “that sucks. Maybe now that you’ve had something horrible happen to you, you’ll learn. You had a great thing and fucked it up”. 

He reached out twice after, once to affirm we are unhealthy for each other, then another text days later to tell me he was being followed and recorded. He was fired. Scared for him, I go to his house. He seems delusional, but not psychotic. He starts hysterically crying (seen him cry once before) when he realizes I’m done. I love him, so I agree to stay provided he goes to therapy. He starts researching and is very nice for two days. He speaks to his best friend last night, and calls me (while I’m in finals) to tell me he resents me bc I “talked him into” staying at his job and he ignored his intuition. That “we made the wrong choice” bc I don’t listen to him. I open my mouth to talk and he says “shhh baby. No. No.” And keeps talking over me. Then says “you don’t want to say whatever you’re going to say” and tells me I’m choosing to be upset, and basically that he wants me to listen to him shit on me and say nothing in response. He was way calmer than normal, and said he was trying. But it still felt incredibly manipulative and hurtful. Does anyone have any insight on how to handle this? 

I can never tell him how I feel because he will say I turn everything onto him, don’t listen, or get angry bc I’m “always upset”.",3.1764756493506496,4.648404033928575,4.2500649350649375,87.26038961038964,73.83928571428572,7.162337662337662,24.691558441558442,7.7669595915474945,1.1674642857142858,2169,67,452,29,44,706,262,560,0.146,0.7659999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9841,4,0,2,0,0,0,79.0,4,4,0,7,15,32,9,4,11,1,44,9,2,6,5,77,97,44,1,9,9,0,4,0,3,4,0,17,0,0,16,34,0,4,11,0,0,7,16,17,1,4,40,23,72,15,64,50,6,88,0,2,2,7,100,37,5,6,39,276,88,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091542700808289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051869745621895086,0.0,0.0,0.08478319661567155,0.06536624340193474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871755779459448,0.0,0.0512984033998209,0.0,0.05827709347942513,0.0,0.0,0.09586729031409598,0.0,0.07600065228576064,0.0,0.05304457190491677,0.0,0.06541929962782851,0.05513240178819123,0.0,0.0,0.07851182616945886,0.0,0.12730699636961196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594474815084835,0.05369818668276334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977137511747284,0.0,0.13694950613446422,0.12060747942747332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091038314300824,0.19137853926868348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055212471016828586,0.0,0.06952272616222673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120497469360942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03151968378447306,0.0,0.059853720285806274,0.06828762085144223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048161753174763684,0.1728898823422845,0.06513748128659577,0.0,0.07085560988797718,0.0,0.04985694712560956,0.06872725004713537,0.0,0.0,0.0551247942256996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385807732491004,0.06673352112129563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372058502877607,0.055408382820417636,0.06896714368481198,0.0,0.034259027943807,0.05081333542444773,0.0,0.0,0.13545962659807098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247849367364582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250479014469325,0.05898519502399498,0.0,0.06320038209742036,0.06262633936708384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975715159477112,0.0,0.0,0.0924448469671438,0.09615695674373176,0.060205890083140375,0.0,0.11699893321791847,0.061077457820372966,0.11962891399696556,0.0,0.0,0.13277468284354182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698322018081997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557830957239798,0.3470126523073979,0.062410654452541015,0.0,0.0,0.056749666107935526,0.0,0.0,0.06398848855968628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959808170066245,0.0,0.0,0.08824552481368211,0.13288683815469926,0.04978276183007918,0.0,0.07140732937309432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073979062614927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031342411317336,0.21794268831217856,0.0,0.14257659573393772,0.0,0.16565690653479498,0.0,0.0,0.04948896591174756,0.10904839147621444,0.0,0.0,0.1786982921764292,0.06925919192691372,0.04232303128653233,0.06780523641823935,0.12178924600296145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286983656702046,0.07353647698170332,0.04948056001408087,0.0,0.0,0.05604884692379257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076480064936912,0.0,0.0,0.04428273035880078,0.06815620710161763,0.0,0.0401432689349315
bpd,sushiandrice,2019/04/29,"Not sure what to do I know I have bpd. I really don’t want to go into details what I’ve done. Mainly, I keep fucking up everything for no reason even when things are going so good. I want to go to the doctor but I’m scared. How do doctors usually treat someone with bpd?",-0.7515517241379293,1.4073075517241378,2.089224137931037,92.99693965517244,94.17241379310344,4.968965517241379,17.594827586206893,6.6274283507984215,0.08633793103448227,210,6,46,3,8,73,43,58,0.11900000000000001,0.736,0.145,0.1451,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,6,3,0,2,1,11,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,8,14,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,31,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987641542797981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053357965894571,0.0,0.2026292512069543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078133242564294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795534760337248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305368791164214,0.0,0.0,0.3375947299851205,0.16607833926186386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599714938351038,0.0,0.0,0.1088191163835633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684794357414472,0.2035835145731604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823890746652395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677701451032626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866186496897456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154662634852718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807602989158664,0.0,0.2335785609631037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HonestyFlaw,2019/04/29,"Who are We? BPD feels like you're a vessel, carrying around a fragment of someone else's soul that's in complete conflict with your own integrated Self, as if a part of someone else's unintegrated aspects leaped into you at birth when you were at your most vulnerable and reincarnated within You. 

On top of the fragmented Other, one's own soul can be just as fragmented from personal trauma throughout one's own history of events. One never knows which part of You is active; the unintegrated Other, the integrated Self, or one's own fragments. There's always a sense of having a whole You that is a Self of its own, but there's rarely any clarity as to who that is. 

On the rare occasion you catch a glimpse of You showing itself, the moment is as quickly lost in a hazy puff of overwhelm and confusion and one has to wonder: who of this simultaneously whole and fragmented You witnessed this, which part forgot, and which part is trying to remember? The thoughts and feelings are too infuriating though, and the Emptiness envelops all of You into a void that allows you to ignore the cracks in your personality by replacing You with a great nothingness that makes You feel like a Nobody. Its comfort is a lie, but it fools You - and everybody else - all the same.",11.898187382297552,8.309380504237291,11.13666666666667,61.92283427495296,57.516949152542374,14.217702448210925,43.1713747645951,12.06081838636515,5.031262335216571,1013,40,179,22,9,330,123,236,0.13,0.8009999999999999,0.069,-0.9329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,16,0,2,8,10,0,2,21,0,13,0,0,2,3,37,22,18,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,19,14,0,3,7,1,0,1,2,6,0,5,4,3,17,4,34,17,15,19,2,2,0,0,25,12,0,5,8,145,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581226945510536,0.0,0.0,0.0783045143369368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250603558711592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450247375260937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073037272891406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885738619392612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466670019427666,0.16452335239769164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269509561204583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328226940901845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251088620555297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569752506129706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686211125047289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888091520312408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901359543020809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987757786477963,0.0,0.0,0.20108539357974706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044011354245102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36037308879491664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512886842037286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313221807829932,0.0914145631550842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817785935064192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711701583143426,0.0,0.0,0.12487297569803553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkiepie294,2019/04/29,"I was the saddest and most desperate in months I’m not quite sure what is worse - having so many people forget my birthday or being judged by people and hindered by burocracy so I can’t find an apartment. 
My thoughts are jumbled and I feel again just sadness and numbness. 

At the end of 2018 I was in a mental health clinic which made feel so good and hopeful and energized. Even when I came back and had a bad time I took a day to calm down and then I was back in my feet again. 
I am so proud of what I achieved the last 4 years with the help of my doctors and clinics!
Now today 29th, came the dreaded day, my birthday. A few days ago i decided to hide my birthday on Facebook so no one could see it because I only wanted the people who really know me to congratulate/send me wishes. So the day is over and nothing....

Not a single post on Facebook, no congrats in my family group, except the ones I live with. From all my friends only 2 sent me a message congratulating me. 
Then the second thing that hit me like a truck today (and I kinda wish it did) was that I am searching for a affordable apartment/room to rent and I am applying and just get rejected this morning (again) because I am currently dependent on unemployment benefits from the state, which makes me the lowest rank in society/I am looked upon and can’t make those kind of financial decisions. Atm I’m living with my Ex boyfriend in a very small 1-Bedroom-Apartment, sleeping in the same bed and there is no space at my relatives also I have massive family issues. 
I don’t even dare to tell them, that I’m mentally ill and because of that officially disabled (BPD and severe depression) and therefore still unable to work. 

So now my birthday comes along, a day I hated most of my life till recently and now again just hate. I didn’t choose to be traumatized and ill, still I fight for my life getting better and also found hope again. But getting rejected and been forgotten is just too much to handle. 

I cried till my eyes burnt and now I’m drinking alone feeling sad and abandoned. Although I spent the evening with my family (for a short time I can handle it) except one person, I just couldn’t feel anything because I am overly overwhelmed. The darkness came back. 
Actually I really just want a hug who isn’t scared or also overwhelmed by me. 

Tomorrow I’m celebrating a little bit with friends at a medieval fair but I won’t feel like my birthday anymore. This year was very special to me so it hurts just even more. 
I hope maybe I still can enjoy it and my impulses won’t get the best of me. 
Thank you for reading. 
Here’s a ♥️ for you!",4.332714726331748,5.5215239516441015,5.242825030059073,82.36152334152337,70.60541586073502,8.142380678550891,29.640284384965234,8.524219190627866,2.192132144910868,2061,81,401,33,37,674,255,517,0.12300000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.126,0.8254,6,3,1,0,2,0,52.0,0,2,1,7,41,36,3,4,31,0,34,14,3,5,2,84,74,46,0,9,15,1,5,2,2,2,9,0,2,1,19,35,1,1,12,2,3,6,13,16,0,4,18,8,59,20,53,49,10,68,0,9,3,1,15,22,0,9,40,287,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.07417929794868097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067382368783128,0.0,0.0,0.07872821521584049,0.0,0.18236657787200392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538607127525314,0.0,0.0,0.06255355039353057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535163801340545,0.06346902749291851,0.18535121242058464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977264758289015,0.06722874875255934,0.0829882707912019,0.0,0.09573774521794384,0.0,0.0,0.26082140341011145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547985910051105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069148385185455,0.0,0.08349848402281113,0.2451156872401963,0.0,0.06547127558632561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780417836487963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744653825784942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732638560276501,0.0,0.0,0.20082774234020864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149794386368165,0.0,0.1921763639145802,0.05430485537482238,0.0,0.0,0.06947598000451395,0.0,0.0,0.08334610064966366,0.11745740430856685,0.0,0.15885799354850674,0.0,0.0,0.06375745166943955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009738778909595,0.0,0.08079997999624262,0.0,0.0,0.05095099339310024,0.0,0.0,0.2264989898652021,0.0,0.0,0.08137521637590142,0.0,0.0,0.07933950771860047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915752295655715,0.041775643858026686,0.061962055882379775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073827396656334,0.07427380143235371,0.07618661290616173,0.13424459349207873,0.0,0.06383313092535328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192686565014185,0.10148069011311983,0.07706688755219962,0.07636689674390341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320970401218062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060674139611388414,0.0,0.05587948758676912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293807218431526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452840900309844,0.11562507847582333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809688648455714,0.0663730288569698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728009877578968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085089873057831,0.07603518455679165,0.0,0.09739381628864156,0.0,0.07505526077732333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610388939324918,0.0,0.06057380565115879,0.0,0.0,0.0858748770330364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606951076779463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211610661226896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164287402615066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664401230481814,0.06998404361456532,0.0,0.0,0.05050073181710788,0.0,0.0,0.060347112539861726,0.08864946534332939,0.0,0.14410593168643646,0.0,0.08445503300850353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254400347612346,0.08967077752470051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482610915105462,0.0,0.0,0.055339544265415576,0.0,0.07746538569739075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979018382584225
bpd,mamadvicethrowaway,2019/04/29,I just wish somebody cared about me! I feel so used and worthless and like I don't matter. I just want somebody to give me a hug and tell me it's going to be okay and that they care and they're not going to leave me. I hate having this horrible disorder. I just wish I was normal and didn't have to feel such extreme emotions.,0.7951428571428565,2.743923085714286,2.47,95.165,82.42857142857143,5.142857142857143,20.0,6.1826913282559595,-0.06257142857142828,256,7,58,2,7,84,45,70,0.193,0.552,0.255,0.6098,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,1,0,18,18,7,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,2,12,5,5,15,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513204645998157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536628452760621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24896595938117275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238217465687843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123194770513644,0.25157337344760744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851711369471613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435604142115254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813044085042677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168559713164278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345178668146126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115767269530254,0.0,0.0,0.13054590606860686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090361309131475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d_m_m_,2019/04/29,"Feeling disconnected from my engagement ring Has anyone else been engaged and felt really disconnected from your engagement ring? I love my fiancé and we’ve been together for 5 years. Before he proposed, It was something I constantly thought about. But now, I often opt to not even wear it. At first I was obsessed with the ring and loved looking at it but now I feel empty. 

I’m also very anxious that I’m going to lose it or make the diamond fall off. I’ve been letting the ring stay in the little dish thing by my bed and half the time I don’t even remember that there’s a ring I’m supposed to be wearing. I feel terrible because I shouldn’t be feeling this way. And I know it makes my fiancé a little sad that I barely wear it. I should be excited and in love and having sex with my fiancé all the time. But that’s not the case. We got engaged in December and have had sex less than 5 times since then.",2.9656396396396403,4.556839870270274,4.33675675675676,85.93720720720722,74.62162162162161,7.527927927927928,25.84684684684685,8.238735603445708,1.5966468468468469,716,25,147,12,15,237,104,185,0.094,0.753,0.154,0.8608,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,2,8,12,0,1,9,0,16,9,3,2,1,31,34,14,0,2,6,0,5,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,12,11,1,0,8,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,9,11,18,8,17,19,2,21,0,2,1,5,6,8,0,2,9,98,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449874737803275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587621723141808,0.0,0.10885639394211943,0.15951448905974813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490223225370252,0.0,0.13247381782437165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823681093865311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005223845265745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565283385694827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148697555731655,0.0,0.14947902400769197,0.0,0.0,0.13242293205280442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847760307086755,0.0,0.1245130254352214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555869269344173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919527542567422,0.0,0.0,0.31206829621322785,0.0,0.0,0.13073357411469735,0.1741682076966477,0.0,0.0,0.4215269389601015,0.0,0.20783773457123056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973380214558128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763572276041944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878166424058912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985152118450185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593617552911805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342812690135626,0.0,0.0,0.12359402704316486,0.2723380777274549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284538596468454,0.0,0.12357303410616567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025402986178024
bpd,aequusnox,2019/04/29,"I have extreme bouts of anger where I have no control over myself and I'm afraid I am going to off myself one of these days. I'm not normally suicidal. I have a very strong will to continue living this life and to succeed. Every once in a while I'll get into a fight with my gf and I become angry. I am never physical but I lose my shit entirely. I always break up in the fights and say a ton of things I regret later. I wish I could stop but I literally can't control myself in these situations. I know a therapist would help tremendously but I can't afford one. I make too much to receive free health insurance but make too little to afford a therapist. I have really crummy health insurance. I have no family, my gf is the only person I have. None of my friends would ever be there for me emotionally either. I want to isolate myself from the world entirely and just live in a gooey psychedelic trance where everything is fake and colorful.",2.506956264775411,4.729396303191488,4.676950354609931,80.13388888888889,77.98936170212768,8.22033096926714,23.21040189125296,8.998388855275968,2.0301408983451537,747,24,141,19,18,258,110,188,0.18100000000000002,0.703,0.11599999999999999,-0.9145,2,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,7,12,4,1,10,0,17,4,1,4,2,30,26,11,1,7,7,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,1,4,8,0,3,1,0,1,2,7,8,0,2,0,2,28,5,21,21,4,22,0,2,1,0,9,12,1,0,7,108,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195134273428139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586303884513925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221912646536646,0.11467855784785512,0.0,0.0,0.09263083297553178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615667990945911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992347277886654,0.12101625324309292,0.0,0.12908728516662346,0.0,0.13540357682905374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096981717845486,0.0,0.07504185285375073,0.0,0.08162944200562032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053484473282162,0.0,0.0,0.09627358028514878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893645511284884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145161183293604,0.0,0.14395711458823454,0.2536595812704409,0.0,0.0,0.16068759907531405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917511066294692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558613240318708,0.0,0.1107779431488777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072897852072078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152963516793193,0.19465767920317908,0.10923869717058596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541402427877502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201441196052636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422202428503095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147436303890922,0.0,0.16144851728193724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008288110166053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571102233909415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335359161995973,0.0954227962061972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851153876808393,0.08471794389415219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651698459089662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204064269597804,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babymilk213,2019/04/29,"DAE feel super self aware and have the need to look after yourself a lot? so like i am super self aware, i analyse everything i say or do or think. because of this i’m very quick to lose temper when talking to people because i just think they know what i’m thinking because i know what i’m thinking if that makes sense? 

i also feel like i have to look after myself. like i know how to surprise my self for parties or small gifts or something. like i have to compliment myself or be overly proud of something ive done. i don’t know why this is, maybe i just feel like people don’t praise me enough. my parents certainly don’t and so maybe ive just adapted this idea for everyone?",2.4695476190476167,4.216571907142857,3.6257142857142886,89.84761904761906,76.35714285714286,6.095238095238094,24.523809523809533,6.816661863887847,0.8416666666666663,537,18,111,5,12,174,73,140,0.038,0.6890000000000001,0.273,0.988,1,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,5,9,14,1,0,2,0,13,0,0,2,1,28,31,13,0,2,9,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,2,0,0,12,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,19,12,13,29,2,6,1,1,2,0,8,2,0,7,9,70,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435372390013606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863857791368115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353774994970355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483223835328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468988397697485,0.11727702969301675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794073572773385,0.18644580439070665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473086226403202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868580891814941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31875691772008746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191593985474952,0.1459862162546098,0.0,0.11093890761102684,0.0,0.0,0.08710385456176413,0.0,0.2621917947108736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967575327851073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448949772534671,0.0,0.0,0.1809322632928929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037717984105192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083921792373743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091692188230975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488384183520247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344538345140719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766886322792772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774796445867013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,artlover2788,2019/04/29,"Having trouble with a recent breakup I (30F)  broke up with my ex (31M) about 2 months ago (we were on and off for 2.5 years) and right now, I feel like everything spiraling for me. I keep having  mini episodes where I just can't stop thinking about my relationship and thinking about my ex. It was an emotionally abusive relationship and as someone with BPD, obviously, this is not a huge deterrent as abuse is pretty much all I KNOW and feel comfortable with. Logically, I know this relationship was awful and that if I were to be back in it right now, I'd want out immediately. Emotionally, I feel like I will never find anyone who will know the real me and love me anyway. I'm also having a lot of problems regarding my physical appearance. My ex made it very clear that his ex girlfriend was the love of his life and when he first saw her ""he just knew"" and that she was ""so beautiful that she would be taken care of the rest of her life"". He never complimented me and he once told me that I ""wasn't pretty enough to worry about"".  I'm not a monster physically but I'm having a really hard time logically approaching all of this. 

​

Any suggestions or words of encouragement are appreciated. I am just having such a hard time.",6.339856545128512,6.477491631799167,7.311371787208607,73.04975941422597,65.73640167364017,10.845307830245073,31.297369994022716,10.608840637214634,3.195326120741183,976,34,188,24,14,329,133,239,0.09,0.775,0.135,0.897,1,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,1,0,0,1,16,11,0,0,10,1,22,4,0,1,6,52,44,18,0,4,8,4,5,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,12,16,0,2,12,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,12,6,28,8,25,27,6,25,0,1,1,2,25,9,0,4,16,133,40,0,0.0,0.27048982950896816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118396830682112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128289971033017,0.0,0.12367766460180014,0.13870046851371728,0.07762352141007914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981387363580794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777159813819742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376349708151728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637994496430112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567988551235498,0.0,0.11794382827296973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258749702155197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314767171428308,0.16309253783694175,0.0,0.0,0.10432781580427752,0.09709293852748337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204505652856392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145863713196074,0.0,0.0,0.18819576250275866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125007065272073,0.11153240982587982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704325632999998,0.20604331157089603,0.10800816038060164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111063220768788,0.0,0.08391079748441248,0.0,0.17607360629159016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156227705286908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23225601539607804,0.0,0.10922276661122764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992368535764834,0.0731251586920895,0.0,0.11270587937024933,0.36765180777908624,0.0,0.19496094237853154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967159430322178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543156935599688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462809121354393,0.0,0.0,0.13311946216355144,0.0,0.0,0.10907185434853524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418280130918613,0.06732655199693106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592129237769927,0.0,0.08108638516391489,0.0,0.13870046851371728,0.07350659140080687
bpd,veganinfurs0707,2019/04/29,"I (f, 28) live multiple lives and no one knows. I want out before it ruins my life. (This is really long. I’ve never told anyone these things, so I think I just need to write it down. I don’t really care if anyone reads it. But feel free to make me feel not crazy) 

So hey, first post. I figured since not even my therapist knows the extent of my BPD (yeah, I lie about that, too) I need to vent somewhere.
If I was honest in real life, shit would hit the fan. My life would be over. BPD has ruined every human relationship I’ve had since I was in high school. I use my looks and manipulation tactics to my advantage in every possible situation. I have always gotten my way. If there’s a guy I want, I will get him. If there’s a job I want, same thing. If I need money, give me an hour. I’ve never been faithful in a relationship. 

I got married very young. I practically forced him to get engaged. I loved the attention from getting married. Then I cheated on him the day before our wedding. I liked being married, so I put on the wife visaed for a few years. Then I got bored. My husband wasn’t emotional, he never made me feel like a girl. 

l met a well-known guy I was into and decided I’d get that, too. I just wanted a fling. He fell in love with me. Wanted to get married, spend the rest of his life with me and that’s the part I seem to need. We plotted to run away together, I’d get a divorce. I told my husband I was moving out and didn’t tell him why. He was shattered. My new boyfriend moved cross country a week later. He was a stranger. He was a former “player” and made me feel insecure. I had meltdowns every day. I made his life hell. During this time, I never actually left my husband. I stayed over there a few times a week like everything was normal. I lied about my whereabouts constantly to everyone. Half of the people in my life thought I was happily married, the other half thought I had a boyfriend. I lead a double life like this for 4 years. I started to lose interest in the boyfriend and needed a way out.

During this time, about two years ago, I started messaging with a semi-celebrity on social media (current FP). He was my crush for YEARS and I couldn’t believe he was talking to me. I thought he was a catfish. (He’s not, we see each other often) He’s nearly 20 years older than me, but we have the same interests and profession so we chatted often. Often became daily, then 24/7. Always platonic, but obviously I’m in love with him. He is the only guy who never bites. No matter what I do. So it’s fueled my fire. We started meeting in person a handful of times a year, and it was always awkward. I could tell he had a crush on me but he clearly felt weird about it. But it never stopped either of us. He sent me gifts constantly. We continued talking all day every day. I manipulated him to seem more “attractive” or “cool” to him. It worked. He loves it. If I act crazy, he loves that, too. We talk about very personal things, he knows basically everything in my life. Except that I’ve been in relationships the entire time we’ve spoken! He thinks I’m divorced. I never actually got divorced. I just moved out. He’s still never flirted with me. He’s traumatized by a former relationship. And there’s that age gap. I’m still determined. 

Here’s where it all fell apart: 

6 months ago, boyfriend I moved in with got abusive. Stalking me me and holding me hostage. He knew I had something going on with FP. I lied until I believed it. He started getting on my iCloud and reading everything from my google searches, texts, emails, who I clicked on on social media. Me googling my FP 6,000 times a day. He found out about my closeness with FP and that I never actually left with my ex all the way. The secret that crippled me for 5 years was out. I finally had my out, but he was bound to destroy me. Started blackmailing me, contacting my family and friends, revealing “who I really am” (ha). Eventually he got to FP. I felt like I was dying. I wanted to die. I think the only reason I didn’t hurt myself because then people would find out my lies if I died. The exbf threatened FP, told him I’m a crazy liar and he better run. FP freaked and ran for a few hours, but he came back. We got closer than ever. 

I moved out. Crazy boyfriend got a new girlfriend a few weeks later. He’s over it. Now my life completely revolves around FP. Who likely doesn’t have romantic interest in me. I have meltdowns if we don’t speak for a few hours. I can’t leave the house. Can’t accomplish anything. I cry. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know I even have feelings for him. He always shows up eventually, so he doesn’t know I’m melting down. As far as he knows, I hate relationships (I do! But after a few months.) If I know he’s traveling to my area in two months, I will spend the entire two months preparing. Working out like crazy, picking out what I’ll fucking wear, practicing my hair. It’s ridiculous. It’s embarrassing. We’ve never even kissed! And I’ll never make a move. What it so freak him out?! What if he goes away?! If I see he’s online and not speaking to me, I go into panic mode. He’s insanely busy and successful and works 24/7, but I still feel entitled to his constant attention. And he tries. Sometimes he gets distant and I freak out. I’m afraid he’s going to stop talking to me and then so I ruined my life for nothing. He always shows up and then I’m great. Until the next day when I do it all over again.

Obviously, I know this situation is temporary. We’ll either lose touch and it will be over, or we’ll eventually sleep together and I’ll freak out and run. It’s the hardest it’s ever been to distance myself from someone. Since he’s a “known” person and he’s always been my ideal guy (he’s nothing what I thought he’d be like, but hey, I’ll take it), I think I’m just too impressed with myself and losing it would destroy my identity. He’s gotten me ahead a lot and actually knows more of the real me than probably anyone else. Except that relationship factor! And that I’m not that cool or successful. If he found out I’m crazy, I feel like it would end me. 

So I don’t want to be crazy anymore. So I can have my life back. I want to have good things about me other than having a weird relationship with a way older famous guy. I want to have something else to focus on other than when he’s going to pay attention to me or if he’s ever going to love me back. I spend all my time alone on the phone with him. I don’t really have any hobbies or friends. People think I am “cool” and busy, but I’m not. I just wait for him to pay attention to me. Then I’m ok. But I just want a life that doesn’t revolve around tricking some guy, like it’s always been. I think I have a better grasp of who I am now, but I want to be able to BE it. But my solution to distancing myself from someone is always “ok, time to trick an even more impressive guy! Then I’ll forget.” 

Maybe I can be myself and make friends or have someone who likes me the way I am. But the web of lies is too big. I feel like I’d have to go into witness protection! I’m finally on meds and doing pretty well, meltdown wise, and I’m on a waitlist for DBT. I just feel hopeless about always having to live a quadruple life. I feel like I’ll never get out and I’ll never get to be ok with just myself. I haven’t told anyone this stuff before and I just needed to get it off my chest. It eats me alive all day, every day of my life and no one knows. So there’s that. Maybe I’ll start feeling better soon. I just wanted to try to write it down because I feel like a freak. Seeing you guys post things that sound kind of like me makes me feel better, though. 

tl;dr: BPD has ruined my life. My entire adult life was wasted tricking men into loving me. I’m very successful with this. I have never faced any repercussions. I live every day in fear that I’ll be found out and lose everything. Over boys.",0.9953730551626592,3.226495263613866,2.9366189533239044,90.45576435643564,83.67821782178217,5.772922206506365,20.86794908062236,7.087006719466742,0.5591767793493645,6110,188,1297,84,175,2044,485,1616,0.124,0.7340000000000001,0.142,0.9822,2,1,2,0,3,3,235.0,13,1,0,20,67,95,12,6,66,8,98,33,7,13,26,280,239,100,3,40,54,5,19,15,5,10,16,3,0,16,71,89,1,6,54,6,8,25,39,36,1,8,61,30,209,60,166,154,26,214,2,10,5,9,156,75,3,26,121,802,280,14,0.02667713365260909,0.03160804110116485,0.10413213688861224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047295338753798516,0.0,0.0,0.02762946506154485,0.0,0.0,0.199777610336316,0.0,0.0,0.036282731363333334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02645654822373836,0.07461308849662764,0.027333875984900183,0.02195300795699852,0.04749660966319589,0.0,0.0,0.05012809044833221,0.061539207293006624,0.0,0.032524266132856014,0.0,0.06810082762390321,0.0601119885629927,0.0,0.09437502728584547,0.0,0.0,0.10079674787437726,0.0,0.0,0.030511534029089387,0.027199115696591992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02797046708105317,0.08648551275934174,0.0,0.02129952048348651,0.0,0.029303578655699512,0.15484089835556758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305995886553601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02729736768033658,0.04457064406346308,0.030008184715159963,0.02362802222344058,0.0,0.0,0.07047998071803473,0.0723929840505296,0.1348598140659784,0.02549114442851512,0.09590275030182847,0.0,0.0251488274035852,0.030019192043819393,0.17535388432820878,0.0952907480588364,0.05122846367943125,0.05844699189688399,0.024382416861459314,0.022691556256889248,0.0,0.08775030030602853,0.06183206185354361,0.024662580192232397,0.15331471402941546,0.02559113744634005,0.09096737897738412,0.022375514019775156,0.14935298549170592,0.029411634030556542,0.0,0.2113164519124892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02633814649791246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028185856380254382,0.0,0.0,0.07881480884539252,0.03078183049458498,0.02855842332471982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026472938800963887,0.0,0.0,0.027780129511262932,0.16127160486972605,0.0,0.0,0.02824723266409505,0.05796956753959876,0.0,0.3014855749665337,0.19549649982892367,0.0,0.0942255910519966,0.02360842380211989,0.022402073460395258,0.11937955524301815,0.0,0.022679945048121056,0.16854008266421522,0.07572764666461677,0.07122877545781718,0.0,0.05360153280903402,0.0,0.02963228155876155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517373426724666,0.17012142731442814,0.0,0.1186845394720591,0.288050700924211,0.05152988383486312,0.02837143428503255,0.0,0.026137926887770745,0.051194858451903504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03615423234530679,0.040578324520982686,0.0,0.03129986843179227,0.0,0.028888736078079062,0.0,0.05548369653101453,0.06988033236133526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03007445988033025,0.05109863959669824,0.027140235527371704,0.02876246209787562,0.0,0.0,0.026817887594628474,0.0,0.0,0.05336870572768418,0.06072883692897892,0.06836021969963597,0.027428536465217826,0.0,0.20048880533034466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02699868348063331,0.06377466486297631,0.048571721108531314,0.0,0.0,0.0273836943336916,0.06620280189399258,0.059972431907234086,0.02669639955948992,0.054387956456352735,0.0678103463198546,0.0410747216252154,0.02638436731497161,0.0,0.11329327503462053,0.02843427496810428,0.06391318018569596,0.04460655651310549,0.0,0.0,0.030538935583930175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020057884496515268,0.0857682780724181,0.046633981309285824,0.0,0.0,0.0309742083105758,0.08861551106537,0.10256178041487993,0.026210148366482743,0.08471465702170494,0.12444520931729858,0.0,0.0,0.10196457771406046,0.0,0.03622404523415578,0.0,0.07817904971841279,0.0,0.032089307115257065,0.023040478169058944,0.0,0.06603428735655803,0.1888183753081026,0.10587533487539813,0.06419636242868074,0.0,0.04797189389730231,0.0,0.02407196375877521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826381306668332,0.0,0.0,0.09475335171228423,0.0,0.0,0.12025439599667767
bpd,ibetitstung,2019/04/29,"Vivid memories/flashbacks that aren’t negative or traumatic? Music tends to be a trigger for me, as it is for a lot of people. My wife and I have been through some shit together before we were even technically dating, when we were just “friends” who low key loved each other. There’s a specific band that takes me back to those times because of how often she listened to them and how I wasn’t really a fan but it became something I associated directly with her. One of their songs tends to push me back into memories of those times together, but just now I heard the song and felt like I was reliving a mundane memory of our life together—me sitting on the edge of her bed while she dumped her purse on the floor looking for her cigarettes. It was like I was sitting there again, and it was weirdly vivid—almost like a flashback, but wasn’t anything traumatic or anything. 

Has this happened to anyone else?",7.807528735632182,7.100614120689657,7.751149425287355,73.92545977011495,62.96551724137932,11.411494252873563,36.574712643678154,10.746095033038511,3.854774712643678,723,30,134,16,9,233,108,174,0.114,0.7959999999999999,0.09,-0.6444,1,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,3,0,2,0,14,9,2,0,9,0,14,3,1,3,0,23,23,14,0,0,7,1,1,3,1,0,1,4,1,0,11,9,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,4,0,1,11,7,21,5,20,11,3,17,0,1,2,1,18,5,1,5,12,103,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136970578921793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921967680474274,0.2186614827221407,0.3512328271877742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281948090022682,0.0,0.13009139759374985,0.0,0.18159429653120684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827481038879098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409538213181591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490492881269054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487831597845667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871578880468973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073622123225588,0.31278077461971243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792087811332123,0.0,0.0,0.18143165700387345,0.1926088470576008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461062996833576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795007919939088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671448395199376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906001215205095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164291729755603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045608631210315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488795771410155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sleepy_Kiwi_,2019/04/29,"Did DBT help you (or do you find it helpful)? DBT is really hyped, it's like the gold standard treatment for BPD. I haven't been through a course, and I'd like to know if it's really as helpful as described, and how much it helped/helps you, and what changed for you.",5.313511904761904,4.348612375000002,5.386428571428571,89.69190476190478,68.10714285714286,8.895238095238097,31.16666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.6971380952380954,207,7,49,2,3,65,40,56,0.0,0.799,0.201,0.8835,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,6,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33460651769540184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28104737356929754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428207984203564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7123014829136102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600722718083906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595893395724302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530061742573612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34039453967942496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BaronSenjak,2019/04/29,"I [26 M] can't exist outside of a relationship. HELP It's like the entirety of my self worth comes from being interested and valued by female attention.  It's not even romantic or sexual, I seem to just get along way better with female friends, we converse on the same level.  The problem is the panic attacks, feelings of being abandoned, and the ridiculous anxiety that it all stems around.

​

Then of course I'll end up becoming attached to somebody, and going through a several month long codependent relationship self destructive cycle.  I feel like I can't get my own life back, the second I'm alone I get anxiety to communicate and connect and the whole thing starts back up again.

​

It falls apart when things go well!  Even though I enjoy the relationship and company the person provides, my brain only associates love with trauma, abuse and trust issues.  So I only enjoy the tumultuous beginnings of relationships and fall apart at the end when it stabilizes.

​

I'm almost at the point of seeking out someone with similar issues so we can just self destruct together.  So hey! 26 year old trauma survivor with massive emotional and relational problems looking for a forever friend who can emotionally disconnect randomly with me for several weeks at a time while we ride out personality shifts.  I also enjoy pizza and hiking.

​

Shoot me -\_-",7.911384297520662,9.431248847107438,7.9599896694214864,64.93271177685952,62.595041322314046,11.173966942148759,37.43904958677686,11.080906280650957,4.824230578512396,1119,54,163,31,16,362,151,242,0.156,0.672,0.172,0.6867,0,1,0,1,1,1,42.0,3,0,0,1,16,22,4,1,16,0,7,4,1,0,1,38,22,20,0,2,4,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,5,9,23,1,1,4,0,1,6,3,10,1,1,0,3,16,12,29,20,4,37,0,1,1,1,19,13,0,4,19,111,25,0,0.0,0.0929897642761898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858959294879715,0.08128493110114289,0.0,0.06276299069669268,0.0,0.3401460793828405,0.3814627380408779,0.0,0.0,0.1200788740396675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986669187063313,0.0,0.089285975909901,0.0,0.1206974803574983,0.0,0.0,0.08667853382873993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941201696730845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761321275296967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760633174403102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656608418648564,0.1390256491908536,0.0,0.0,0.10367483344165418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936693322584956,0.05606841734565087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127185901986424,0.0,0.1230127060392644,0.0,0.0892076281143749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052605637967766856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383215092134953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543500872744756,0.0766858592627424,0.0,0.0,0.06945516671738991,0.06590612571379098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083415671652045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264454547091665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235492136895914,0.0,0.0,0.11938002800780502,0.0,0.09208313093597104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705701476457285,0.0,0.0,0.07419199675454595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019565562533815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33704636267377064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144816222421177,0.24562529815041845,0.1773273646255607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649856492306415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555081646169381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428150809863586,0.0,0.07710935044795833,0.0,0.045764187990481896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229631504979976,0.06295449303048681,0.0,0.07056582676406561,0.0,0.0,0.08762369560436603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814627380408779,0.050540610857833415
bpd,maisymowse,2019/04/29,"I, too, think I may have BPD It’s crossed my mind many times. I know I cannot be diagnosed online. I know reading a few articles from medical websites will not tell me enough. But BPD seems to be a reoccurring topic, and I don’t want to be in denial.

It happens every time I get in an argument with someone. I feel horribly misunderstood, and it makes me hate everything. Every time I’m misunderstood, I sit in bed, or stand in the mirror and over and over and over, explain to someone who isn’t there what I really meant. I’m obsessive about wanting to be understood. I know I have OCD, so maybe that’s why I do this.

I do not understand why I get into so many arguments, I try to avoid them. I try to do good by others around me but I always end up being called things like this.

-self absorbed
-shallow
-mean
-cold 
-insecure
-crazy
-emotionless
-emotional
-dramatic
-judgmental
-two faced
and things of that nature 

And I know if you’ve been told these things more than once, by more than one person, maybe it is me. But I just don’t FEEL like this person, especially when I don’t MEAN to do any harm. I don’t want to blame my actions on a disorder but I genuinely just feel like I’m missing something. I take criticism really hard. I feel so disconnected from whatever people tell me about myself, I do not know what they mean or feel like they understand me. It really hurts me.

But I also feel like I don’t know who I am either. I feel like someone else all the time. I don’t really understand what it is I look like. I don’t know what personal style I have, it’s always something new. I don’t know what kind of person I am because people always say it’s something else from what I feel.

I know FP are a thing. I’ve had a few, I’m private about who I get infatuated with but the worst way my friend of several years. I was always doing something for them and knowing I wouldn’t get it back. Just to hurt myself. When someone of my closest friends didn’t have time to hang out with me when I was missing them and depressed, I felt like I should end myself. I didn’t guilt them, but my thought process at the time was, “I’ll just be gone, and there will be nothing they can do at that point, will they care then?” I never went through with it because I tried to explain one last time why I was so upset and lonely, but felt misunderstood, again. So it basically ended up stalling me. 

Sometimes I feel as if my traumas aren’t enough though. I grew up in a hoarder house...not TLC severe, (no dead animals and pizza boxes) but definitely not something you’d want people to see. More, like brand new stuff no one was going to use or clothes no one has worn in years and is never going to. Cardboard boxes of knickknacks that no one cares about but just were never thrown away. No place to really sit down or put something on the table. That’s really effected me, but sometimes I just feel like that isn’t valid. Worse things have happened to people and maybe I’m just not a very well behaved person. 

I think I’m self aware, because I know all these things I’ve said, I know why I do the things I do. But when I see how others respond, I feel confused or misinterpreted. 

I feel like I’ve run out of space in my head and I’m going to live in the weird tunnel vision where everyone knows something I don’t. Or I’ll never understand why I upset everyone, or why everything upsets me. 

Anyway, the reason I’m posting this is because I don’t know how to ask a doctor. I hate coming into an office and coming off as if I think I know more than the doctor. But I don’t always feel like they hear me out, or explain well enough. I want to actually get tested so if it isn’t so, I can just move on or get some sort of validation. I know it won’t fix everything but I can at least know why I am that way. I could have support instead of feeling like a monster all the time.",1.7469207627815244,3.844877540506332,3.4675012329442723,88.47604718066746,79.92405063291139,6.534275850731548,22.411638993917478,7.6395533132390465,0.9596690777576856,3027,96,636,48,77,1008,286,790,0.165,0.733,0.102,-0.995,1,4,7,0,0,2,95.0,0,1,9,1,38,42,2,8,21,0,69,7,2,6,7,146,165,61,1,12,41,0,17,13,2,7,4,3,1,7,45,28,1,1,52,1,0,14,34,20,2,6,20,24,104,22,76,129,16,81,0,6,3,0,34,34,0,18,40,427,149,4,0.0,0.0,0.03857190587605572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03160911768799145,0.16444497907027145,0.0,0.0,0.026879196776106017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03518673124551811,0.03695169622522697,0.0,0.03713620106706803,0.030393236674310056,0.0,0.09637930955407116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956382439443123,0.0,0.04036070758107392,0.0,0.08059926642497445,0.0,0.0,0.06809670708260493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031558484204466865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034043890267715336,0.04011829883825594,0.0,0.0,0.04530049233785786,0.08091355749228553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603819873551779,0.044461696875867096,0.10502554271576504,0.12252350747893664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660511935496648,0.07553802719876028,0.10657090025494917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797991449285933,0.2541379664204469,0.07590277269856169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107574577707934,0.0,0.12390496562230592,0.0,0.06739101461944294,0.0331527325372122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990584221312783,0.0,0.035407744876150574,0.07804795238218876,0.04056532278904646,0.0,0.044548942115987096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462730906044523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041160493686181264,0.3692839674299643,0.032219158895727386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25103679896336256,0.0,0.03490239168971468,0.0,0.0331920843943556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026384070323693585,0.08014680146691444,0.11912825416426118,0.12916697979811526,0.0,0.03981852570820146,0.0,0.0,0.039910232008852464,0.0,0.0,0.042010134930080864,0.0,0.0,0.12194028368251132,0.07634937257490536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792649071740632,0.0,0.0,0.04209415272715665,0.13392000670608806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961006450431522,0.17256392905948853,0.04129650524723268,0.0,0.03736507025700262,0.0,0.037855209271785935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973478570601673,0.0,0.0,0.03953693366068374,0.0,0.15192911844734486,0.040639555029434615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037598503089110696,0.031432850367578966,0.0,0.0,0.06299458729704882,0.03598320193583165,0.08246897171088965,0.08930679490462981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396181038558694,0.2130045998528589,0.0781849187449958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045248085138531416,0.0,0.04485390568039378,0.0,0.0,0.029718811348314587,0.0,0.06909534717842615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838163301260036,0.07598045058606816,0.03883432746111204,0.031379417292270013,0.1843845346474524,0.0,0.0,0.03776901359938013,0.0,0.0805071616680503,0.0,0.0386113904547223,0.16459282798571806,0.0,0.034137978219995486,0.0,0.032613285294549856,0.11656799424376944,0.06274817474690793,0.0,0.0,0.07107766848507767,0.036641217973082965,0.2496639687492245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040280612629136375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050907201804595285
bpd,NSFW_5DAYS,2019/04/29,Pain from testicles after sitting in office chair for few hours. I never considered if I have big balls or not.  But I have a lot of pressure from them after sitting for a few hours in a basic office chair.  I bought a donut cushion hoping the hollow space would be a good area for my testicles.  But I still feel the pressure inside my balls.  Anyone have any advise or solutions?,3.9449771689497695,5.8505900958904125,4.834452054794522,82.07213470319637,72.6986301369863,7.0584474885844735,24.495433789954337,7.793537801064563,1.4444721461187218,299,9,53,4,6,97,46,73,0.107,0.7909999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,7,0,5,1,0,0,1,11,8,5,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,8,2,10,5,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,5,6,41,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118875084616204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171479980184336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702646069559664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604796649985707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084522120305183,0.6116702685751462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640236324001074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951995667173864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304535133537484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480104479246083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206100944961045,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,QuietNerdyThing,2019/04/29,"Was diagnosed with bpd but my boyfriend doesn't believe I could have it As the title says, I finally got a diagnosis that makes sense to me. Until now I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety but today my new therapist talked to me about bpd and now I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. 

Now my boyfriend, however, says I can't have bpd because he knows people who have it and they are ""seriously mentally ill"" and I just feel so invalidated. 
He even started reading out the criteria for diagnosis and told me after every one that I don't have it. 

Granted, I do have the ""quiet"" type of bpd but why can't he just accept it? 

I feel like I have to explain myself to that but if I seriously did that and told him all my thoughts and behaviours when I'm alone he would probably just say that he's a bad boyfriend again because that's what he does whenever I try to talk to him about my depression. 

Any advice?",3.4239099099099093,5.128933481081084,4.910810810810812,81.82153153153153,73.64864864864866,8.825225225225225,28.54954954954956,9.3871,2.5570792792792796,734,30,148,18,15,246,100,185,0.171,0.795,0.034,-0.9775,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,12,8,0,0,6,0,19,5,1,1,1,29,31,16,0,3,8,0,4,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,12,10,1,0,7,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,8,8,25,3,17,21,1,12,0,2,0,0,18,1,0,1,13,103,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433225880556798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117800018306113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956485617789469,0.0,0.08950562929219245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769114927945316,0.1426457413714686,0.0,0.0,0.13182033283787384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5894358700112697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341597064213043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015459952504732,0.2375075939772973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238857465521872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727821636546213,0.0,0.09857859195592272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747802917499994,0.16717142022107712,0.0,0.12816914078871378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357658087604544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430082233157113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432179300510155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809923704856543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790973217121314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300052785794006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928306907135355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811139288366695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614712697469727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703290342454158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791322493290683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828140807425705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880823315400664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584745893445332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288591636878893,0.0,0.0,0.11090349608716682,0.2235993999409215,0.0,0.07943616262996712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247599149660906,0.0,0.0,0.10557542182846752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311432483807081,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luna1410,2019/04/29,"Can we talk about splitting? I’ve (22F diagnosed with aspects) heard splitting discussed many times in the context of BPD and the little I’ve read about it has indicated to me that it’s something I struggle with in almost every relationship, no matter how good it is. I was just wondering if anyone can speak to their own experiences with splitting and hopefully give some advice to those of us who aren’t equipped with as much knowledge and experience! I hate hurting my S/O, however inadvertently.",7.1154212454212455,8.416953967032967,7.31181318681319,69.65402014652015,64.27472527472528,10.022710622710623,37.14468864468864,10.125756701596842,4.05350402930403,405,20,66,9,6,131,70,91,0.11699999999999999,0.812,0.07200000000000001,-0.6403,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,17,11,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,8,2,14,9,3,4,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,5,1,46,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802142296470546,0.0,0.0,0.20291874688619546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169343334272286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552230904590212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567944784633904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073635434917364,0.0,0.0,0.39644953573208697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439464045675225,0.0,0.16996821700597312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000690484936301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201271268183884,0.0,0.0,0.21693464957786024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310257728809875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054492631757084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896669524329567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269889103852856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217563875158608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600529204568192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118475626020316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628776135238467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181633767379755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375584446985304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975883091484685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AltAccount417,2019/04/29,"Just find out I have BPD I'm a 17 year old guy btw. So.. I barely knew anything about it but I've been feeling more down than usual so I started doing a bunch of research on different mental illnesses and stuff and came across it, and one hour later, I'm 99.9% sure I have BPD. It explains everything. All the ups and downs and intense relationships I have always had with people, how quickly my mood changes, cutting urges, how much I hate being alone and will try not to be but for some reason I'm alone almost all the time. It all makes too much sense now and I feel like a completely different person from this morning when I woke up and had no idea. Where do I go from here? What do I do? Thank you, and I love you all <3",2.1430307692307733,3.8608018466666683,3.3060000000000014,91.91146153846157,77.2,6.215384615384616,22.205128205128197,7.010146845296331,0.5084974358974361,567,16,124,6,13,183,103,150,0.122,0.7609999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.2047,2,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,0,12,7,2,0,5,0,13,2,0,4,5,33,28,16,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,12,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,6,2,14,4,15,19,9,20,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,2,11,88,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505085449783541,0.3113408849609273,0.0,0.0,0.12506563365301676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368804299434448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786072660049467,0.0,0.0,0.17190864870115927,0.0,0.0,0.15900254791481144,0.0,0.15759172235849767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140730489675365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508426186793784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199724532228456,0.10737777862561358,0.0,0.0,0.13737586352510667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542168119646801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488253821569804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483948715732413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801995067760468,0.0,0.0,0.1696758232045771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343133273110336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565594962577515,0.0,0.10032962064376656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147188559075986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098264349993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771960283754738,0.0,0.1018504218992054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420242266960808,0.13124035318984542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453836687105413,0.0,0.16137110440731792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638651053271682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206303504766352,0.0,0.0,0.14166049452088958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838046507447604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764393716927528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204709243324858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553950148580446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679136278878177
bpd,Madshu,2019/04/29,"As a friend of someone with BPD, how do I be there for someone who is isolating? So, I used to date this girl with BPD. She's really great, and things ended badly unfortunately. We started messaging again recently. I'm aware of the good and the bad, but the other week when we were supposed to get together and talk, she fell off the face of the planet.

She told me she had a breakdown the other day, and isn't going through her best moment right now. It's been a week or two since we even messaged back and forth a little bit, just little updates every few days. I have no idea what's going on with her, but I try to send her puppy pictures and little things I think she'll like. I trust her to be honest with me, but how else do I support someone who is being distant?

Not going to lie, it's tough not feeling crazy when it feels like I'm talking to myself a lot of the time. She tells me she appreciates the messages and pictures.",4.529904013961605,4.813038251308903,5.444725130890053,84.37591841186737,69.6282722513089,7.832635253054103,27.43499127399651,7.492282038375204,1.3870520069808028,730,22,152,7,12,240,114,191,0.059000000000000004,0.7509999999999999,0.19,0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,13,0,13,1,1,3,0,29,26,17,0,0,7,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,14,0,0,4,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,4,2,25,9,19,18,4,27,0,0,0,0,26,6,0,2,18,109,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088603945181976,0.21909594518175055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768813161485802,0.0,0.14323831911577758,0.0,0.3304879971642133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692285364881544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960221832164904,0.0,0.1162057988910782,0.0,0.0,0.08665751186997155,0.0,0.11054312462578238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267908381975713,0.09373054926383173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136613885588436,0.0,0.06854749399238448,0.0,0.22369491714391815,0.1100457946787842,0.0,0.14465038152123275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811079451744374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281970858059772,0.39449583420986106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154302752043407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405119424981945,0.0,0.1295458899437618,0.0,0.0,0.11204556907688792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085314351206689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33350042558204235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286526685620368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488861797291003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090997753992685,0.1146761037015832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432921232445014,0.08406877729119125,0.0,0.0,0.07650478968430967,0.0,0.0,0.12536888508699373,0.0,0.08907736914445544,0.0,0.12816503561127082,0.0,0.0,0.11331617801729273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104842437052062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mildcoconuts,2019/04/29,"He dumped me I don't blame him. The agrophobia, the 0 to 100, the constant dissociating and struggle to even get out of bed. Last straw was when it got physical. He pushed me after I provoked him, which triggered the fight response in me installed from abusive childhood.

I wanted to go cool down. He wanted to leave. I hid keys because I didn't want him to kill himself. My parent would always tell me that then leave. I called his parents so they could make sure he was ok.

Then I was alone. Ignored. He didn't want anything to do with me. I took some pills and cut myself. I told him. His sister called the ambulance and the police. They came, cleaned my wounds, then left. He sat in the car. Then his sister left 5 minutes after ambulance. Then I was alone. I didn't know where he was. I was scared. I called all his family. He had driven two hours away to be with his parents. I called ambulance. I didn't want to live anymore. They wanted to send someone out later and have me call again, but his parents told me not to. 

Again alone. For first time in 3 years I slept alone. Next morning his parents break up with me for him. Then they convince him to come by for a little bit and do it. He doesn't love me anymore he said. He promised to say good bye and give me a hug. Last thing I told him was please don't leave. 

Next thing I am booking flights home. 3 flight changes. Uprooted my life while in constant panic. Still refuse to talk to me.  

I did the flights. Cried to the passengers next to me. I called his mom and begged him to talk to me but no.

""we will be in contact, we want you to have the help you need"" they said but as soon as I am w my mom nothing. Not their problem anymore.  

""You need to have support from your family"" they were the closest I had to family. My og family is the root of the trauma.

I just want it to be me and him when its good. Becauase when it was good it was really good, and I love him more than anything. I'd kill and take a bullet for him.

I am seeking professional help and on medications now. I am trying so hard to be okay, but how am I supposed to fix the problems from trauma when the feeling of being abandoned is the one digging into me constantly. I want him on my side. I want us to be a team. Like we were every time he faced hardship. I want my best friend back.",0.42643508771929817,2.7322048926315823,1.869684210526316,96.50045614035088,87.44210526315788,4.680701754385965,19.912280701754387,6.155786915458967,-0.06800350877192995,1784,55,398,16,57,572,214,475,0.175,0.705,0.12,-0.9335,5,4,0,0,1,2,66.0,4,4,7,4,17,31,5,3,20,3,42,9,2,5,2,59,77,31,2,17,7,9,2,1,1,2,4,3,3,0,10,22,0,3,2,2,0,8,10,14,0,3,29,6,89,17,57,39,5,62,0,1,0,3,84,19,0,1,36,266,99,3,0.0,0.07057784530020793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467762054092429,0.0,0.0,0.04956500092152572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722510816815695,0.0,0.0,0.09803809065574616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055965705080136034,0.04580379444502794,0.0,0.036311845714837865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251250333817274,0.0,0.06503237277506238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649509738320142,0.06812944597499082,0.0,0.0,0.06301460444191709,0.0513121982863926,0.0,0.19311418637749844,0.0,0.04755986797285962,0.0,0.06543219285513446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393438267809625,0.0,0.050188257812306375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462006352003305,0.0,0.0301191597740195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066815567576168,0.0,0.0,0.04602176686753995,0.0,0.031121603559909918,0.05714265347742741,0.03385363015844828,0.1998498498462311,0.047641637733079216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053360854108704704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985379051785511,0.0,0.059751142600011437,0.0,0.05866207028618607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180540985147055,0.0,0.032736785793848096,0.09711106106043517,0.0,0.1892204085736913,0.12944070645931224,0.0,0.042074345500661386,0.029101712182451382,0.059702367138708426,0.05259926712401825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752413867532193,0.0,0.03976182420713032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060008073052124924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952966656355376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833721604338532,0.0,0.0,0.19005240092277484,0.0,0.0,0.05715670244195122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036453586680508,0.0,0.0,0.06988972410613846,0.3307137579062736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538731833238688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113996264320058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381605189895122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133248245580918,0.04737053287499501,0.059637542239024385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047141977783881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757074873608797,0.0,0.0,0.06227297126794329,0.0,0.0,0.06759658728871021,0.056141742030843766,0.0,0.0447874091441979,0.09575633368240044,0.05206469309574308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791481105855694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946867336255623,0.0,0.0,0.1707581348280417,0.06618177649655853,0.040442478743008235,0.0,0.05818887308963981,0.0,0.07165246799454489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38647954180518174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042315101890824436,0.0,0.0,0.03835957045667578
bpd,viicecity,2019/04/29,"Losing control (mention of relapse btw !!) New to this subreddit, but super glad I found it. I was diagnosed with BPD about 3-4 years ago, since then I had gotten better at coping with it. I was meditating more, doing alot of self discovery, dating, losing weight, etc. Therapy was helping alot and I finally felt pretty great for the most part. 

But, as of recently I’ve been lashing out, dealing with intense mood swings, have been in a state of panic due to my 2 best friends not being as talkative, I’m constantly thinking they’re going to leave me and I’m absolutely terrified to lose them. I even recently relapsed due to blacking out from everything going on in my mind. 

I was doing so good and now I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so empty, I feel like I’ve lost control. The therapy isn’t even helping as much anymore and I don’t know what to do at this point.",3.0133140655105954,4.949303433526016,4.732277456647402,81.6766435452794,75.35838150289018,7.8503275529865135,28.296339113680162,8.648137234880735,2.3362057032755303,686,29,130,14,15,232,109,173,0.129,0.634,0.23800000000000002,0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,9,6,14,0,1,5,0,16,2,0,2,0,25,29,12,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,9,1,2,7,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,11,5,15,8,27,17,8,23,0,4,1,0,7,8,0,3,13,88,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091569625778674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424533330284776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922875915759274,0.1089081037705737,0.0,0.0,0.1550916309528911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330715475499289,0.2762259415585064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695284291918912,0.0,0.12498540379950684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733463498248538,0.1626667832484748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067108516027366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245274604797036,0.08797187117337213,0.11823455841783564,0.13489481786965074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501762187832916,0.0951383404750088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996760279106782,0.10328472999132413,0.0,0.1357632578525317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507747589035207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535001738967506,0.0,0.0,0.13038841459171474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016041517894397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132894484187831,0.13442281986541002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433718796176353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052271752290582,0.0,0.0,0.11893023180751082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444792936101729,0.0,0.133349575923843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640793675964947,0.0,0.0,0.1252785476064651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24317353158987706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846279663766205,0.0,0.0,0.10186341063490284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816446623004315,0.0,0.0,0.07890370539434573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995242072673226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929869109732833
bpd,CODElNESCENE,2019/04/29,I’m never good enough I just got dumped AGAIN because I’m too intense and they “don’t wanna commit” lmfao I actually give up. It’s always like this. I’m always fun for like two months and then people get bored of me. I’m tired of feeling disposable.,-0.6068803418803412,1.4669840384615431,1.867179487179488,91.96670940170941,102.84615384615385,3.8495726495726497,15.393162393162394,5.82211442006289,-0.4329940170940168,198,5,40,2,9,67,40,52,0.16899999999999998,0.551,0.28,0.6902,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,9,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,4,4,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2717474425864124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634202173169051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975328477236007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877348945897521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080326145839858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548955933460386,0.267134675680733,0.0,0.23356819107378826,0.22271862908418186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27209364537767283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222728271428582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477393640765435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930566693184181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200613514286568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720256200067536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lola21,2019/04/29,"Completely and utterly emotionally dependent on SO. My life is a living hell. Hello, everyone. I'm a 28 year old girl with a rich history of mental illness (anxiety, depression and substance abuse) and a rather fucked up childhood, but it's only recently, during a nasty relapse (if you could call it that), that I went back to therapy and being under psychiatric followup and been diagnosed with BPD, too, although I have been ""suspecting"" it for quite a few years prior to that.

This is going to be a wall of text, so I apologize in advanced. But nobody has an obligation to read it nor to respond. Still, if you do, it would truly mean the world to me, as I am in absolute agony. I have been spending the last few weeks crying all day, everyday, missing many days of work (and I work from home). I cannot eat nor drink and have family either visiting me or taking me over to their place and forcing me to.

About 5 months ago, after a 3-year relationship with an abusive addict, I met a lovely, kindhearted and actually responsible 23 year old guy; it was love at first sight and was extremely, extremely intense right from the start. In retrospect, I *do* realize I should have taken sayings such as ""you are the love of my life"" and ""I want you to be the mother of my children"" during the first 2 months or so with a grain of salt, but only you guys can truly grasp just HOW tempting it is for us to believe this rather than realize it is only related to the sparks of the beginning. Also, as I had mentioned, he just turned 23, so there's that, too.

I'd say that, although I ""cooperated"" and declared my love and full commitment right from the start, too, I had managed to kinda ""keep my cool"" for the first 2-3 months or so. I felt like the power dynamic at the time was still fully for my ""favour"", if that makes sense. He'd be the one to inititate seeing each other, buying me presents, wanting to spend hours talking on the phone planning our future together, etc. Again, I was happy to cooperate, but I was happy, too, that it came from him.

He had also constantly insisted on my confiding in him blindnly and turning to him when I feel the lowest, no matter what (he knows **all** about my history and current struggles, but had absolutely zero experience with it before). It took me quite a long time to ""let go"" and let him be that person, but quite fast it turned out to indeed be a mistake.

He *never once* directly said things are too much for him, or even implied to not wanting to be together anymore. Nothing like that, at all. But during the last 2 months, slowly, somehow, the power dynamic changed. I became the pursuer, mostly. He still tells me he loves me, a lot, but no longer talks about our future. Ever. He does things like buying nice food for me or taking me out to eat, but the intensity is no longer there on his side. Now, granted, he is in univeristy for his B.A. (first year). His studies are very hard, and on top of that he is working about 3/4 of the time. But if him being ""just busy"" would have been the case, he wouldn't be able to give me the amount of energy, time and attention he had given me during the first 2-3 months.

Now, I am absolutely obsessed with him and our relationship, in a way that consumes my every waking thought. It has gotten so bad during the last month (which peaked with my benzo and alcohol abuse), that if I don't get a text from him, I wholeheartedly believe I no longer deserve to exist.

I am *constantly* ""testing"" him in my mind, and am constantly, constantly questioning our relationship and his love to me, analysing his every syllable, while at the same time telling myself he is just a kid (although being much more traditionally ""responsible"" than me) and doesn't know what he's gotten himself into, and it is my fault and my fault alone for getting into this relationship and becoming dependent on him.

When we are apart, I experience intense, neverending thoughts of self-hatred. I am ALWAYS ""waiting"" for a breakup and am convinced it will happen any day, no matter what he is saying to convince me otherwise, although as I said, I quickly learned to NOT share all my feelings with him, especially the ones related to him, cause I realized he cannot deal with it.

I am absolutely sick of living this way. Everyday is a nightmare, like a ""Black Mirror"" episode. It is NOT the first time in my life I go through such a dark time, but it is the most intense so far and I truly believe that I won't survive a breakup, if it happens. But living like that, **completely** depndent on other human being, is no way to live either. Even when I talk to my therapist about it I realize the sheer absurdity of it. Yet this is my emotional world. And this is what I experience.

Is there any hope for me? What should I do? I am certain, sadly, that there are fellow BPD sufferers in here who feel the same in their relationships, so I'd like to hear ALL of your experiences and all of your advices, whether in a PM or in here. I am willing to truthfully answer all queations too.

I cannot go on like this any longer.",5.514441687344913,6.138683271794879,6.349013234077753,77.55269106699753,67.56410256410257,9.654425144747727,31.6232423490488,9.698958519613793,2.9248984284532664,3950,155,751,82,62,1306,392,975,0.08900000000000001,0.775,0.136,0.9943,4,1,2,0,2,0,181.0,6,7,2,18,52,39,2,2,54,1,84,20,1,5,12,141,138,80,0,19,36,1,5,7,1,8,8,6,1,7,54,46,5,2,19,2,5,9,19,12,0,9,27,16,108,27,114,88,23,123,1,4,3,7,93,42,2,21,76,563,162,7,0.047975166473027686,0.17052818193978395,0.04681684197671178,0.052300012856137966,0.0,0.04688077743373166,0.04252709042243389,0.05127086277987978,0.0,0.0496878039128719,0.0,0.07673144659105999,0.039919181716015516,0.0,0.0,0.09787427502064963,0.0,0.03670087103806103,0.0,0.04757847382945493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036889941687462166,0.0400572600809358,0.0,0.05298480215205728,0.04082333313057147,0.16215475184975092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084608544491815,0.0,0.04898800891413544,0.05487080971496537,0.0,0.049283711335616674,0.050751364848401884,0.0,0.1006020985624613,0.20737644586884035,0.0,0.03830426665388728,0.0,0.052698467630353914,0.0928200404658165,0.04946029005120088,0.04132094058451867,0.048693784100802384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041983391479488236,0.0,0.0,0.04699739880693681,0.0,0.09818114463069473,0.0,0.10793121000256807,0.0,0.0,0.053504992279954776,0.06337428998172746,0.04339628470496893,0.0808422938109782,0.04584232749557028,0.0,0.18771567409325088,0.04522671727029564,0.0,0.07277305698368051,0.0,0.04606368332487246,0.0,0.0,0.2448459125629932,0.05801176173127703,0.0,0.0,0.04435226834278072,0.050130088760365434,0.046022151225464235,0.10906157077906743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950059149064512,0.08484856254335599,0.10214091361026724,0.04297632587679586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407149934399666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812300362842384,0.04765016525113736,0.0472458751145697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264253228697429,0.0,0.0,0.052731793669163536,0.11731849150706908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811571627129108,0.10165883662238948,0.1640677011362173,0.0,0.16945180376591354,0.04245651263818286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040786770927179854,0.2597967649047773,0.0,0.03202379615401893,0.04863928880352126,0.0,0.05225902069111392,0.0,0.0,0.048347683925233136,0.0,0.0484412419551257,0.0,0.22975992101390574,0.0,0.07053453490215772,0.0,0.037001405959197285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603346612826503,0.0,0.10068373384358544,0.051091986553721866,0.06501842881838156,0.109461827839605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189006487581271,0.050123837970638636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374316608243168,0.1530824847720975,0.04798814923441492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047369689124906605,0.25753687293593513,0.0,0.08194106007221902,0.09127073903685487,0.11445533388461016,0.0,0.0,0.038229996313260864,0.0,0.05004856162639592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791413951287137,0.0,0.1149390897522265,0.0,0.0,0.050154060523009886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214270920916332,0.1156818646320373,0.08386482017696974,0.0,0.05486378393912394,0.05570286596081801,0.06374513770204485,0.0,0.0,0.07617384660297358,0.19582293763543948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330217518683586,0.0,0.15654961412040552,0.0,0.0,0.05770821824060559,0.0,0.0,0.039584536706136216,0.08489098853848275,0.11424136225830253,0.03848278472723104,0.0,0.0,0.04447345996312205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477947772151744,0.0,0.0,0.06816036357533617,0.0,0.0,0.1544721714050565
bpd,cherryxnut,2019/04/29,"Failed exam So I failed an exam at uni. Logic part of my mind is saying: I wasn’t well at the time, it’s not a big deal, blow them out the water with the resit.
Illogical BPD mind: failure. Time to self harm, binge purge and smoke cigarettes. Failure. Self destruct in minus 10... 
I hate this disorder",0.4535000000000018,2.8916516833333366,2.4783333333333357,90.6525,90.5,5.0,17.5,6.6274283507984215,0.0820000000000003,231,6,47,3,8,77,49,60,0.366,0.606,0.027999999999999997,-0.9779,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,2,6,2,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,5,1,7,2,1,7,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,26,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024358464754339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475639096373305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275210254915042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370790664977896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849265232243673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26003783456192864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096134094636294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.501016778313641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28004394744905065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159060779809404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Usernamesarehell,2019/04/29,"Post therapy blues? That's what it keeps getting called but I am SO depressed. I am alone again. I have new skills and coping mechanisms but without the weekly support to reinforce them it's all feeling pointless Has anyone experienced this? I AM better as a person and I AM coping better. It just feels like the mental celebrations and confetti and bright sunshine post therapy visualisations I gave myself are not the reality and it sucks! I set myself up for failure without even noticing.
I am okay. I think. I am just depressed and ok. I don't have a choice :(",2.5505714285714305,5.509585342857144,4.1921428571428585,78.36535714285714,86.04761904761904,6.428571428571428,26.54761904761905,7.7094869923839395,2.172333333333334,451,20,75,9,14,150,68,105,0.20199999999999999,0.5720000000000001,0.22699999999999998,-0.2484,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,5,11,1,0,5,2,11,0,0,0,1,18,19,10,0,0,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,6,14,8,6,18,1,7,0,2,3,0,4,1,1,0,4,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620601780001594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571186280452354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31801553109191033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835835223437954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30970206739207723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874819612770095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818123037171084,0.12844049415865466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093931744461852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980372447108926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783527451797864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811838919135512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364025045750886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468968784792585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698383811824546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443741734812793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040211504999577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41120620853594375,0.0,0.0,0.11520081108455747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421498906407987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466181924144057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dustisinvisible,2019/04/29,I think I’m in crisis and don’t know what to do I’ve been crying and shit since last Wednesday. Can’t see any future. I know my boyfriend is going to dump me. I can’t talk to my friends as they’re all tried if me. I’ve tried exercise and meditation for several hours a day. Can’t seem to calm down. Spoke to GP via Skype who’s re-prescribed an SNRI. No risk assessment whatsoever (it’s ok as I don’t tend to SH or OD much any more) Am I being too needy by wanting more? Some sort of support? I have no idea who to ask or where to go,-1.2197500000000012,0.7372731916666666,1.3950000000000031,99.31000000000002,92.08333333333334,4.866666666666667,17.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.43073333333333297,413,11,106,5,15,141,83,120,0.18600000000000005,0.732,0.08199999999999999,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,1,2,1,11,2,1,0,1,15,24,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,1,0,2,7,3,0,0,2,2,10,4,15,21,5,10,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,6,5,57,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048352963530833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953344259861487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461988044467715,0.14454678993500938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316405712401967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547590996880095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072516510041104,0.0,0.0,0.2530180824877471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24635449836503545,0.18269773706476394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476302771200413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860442266271825,0.20404162589398525,0.0,0.2532056995402595,0.2300685825954375,0.18540455267519895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543426752028282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801490508120971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436149262220147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043422352491517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219903617868362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dalla94,2019/04/29,"Wtf is my sexuality?? Anyone else? One day I think I'm bi, next day straight, few days later think maybe I'm just gay. And the cycle keeps repeating. It's so. F*cking. Confusing",-0.4937142857142866,1.297156771428572,2.2057142857142864,88.15428571428573,109.85714285714286,5.428571428571429,19.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.8564285714285718,137,5,28,3,7,47,30,35,0.179,0.769,0.052000000000000005,-0.6827,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,6,1,7,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,6,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071144230459465,0.30876944239152143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5830388863872579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517398725689127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678543815813825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027473199541685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204899279149629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042030586427029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386186768961199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sinyre,2019/04/29,"The past three relationships ended with him saying “I’m not enough for you”. It ends and I know they’ll never speak to me again. I’ve been trying to date again after a significant, long term yet abusive relationship ended about four years ago. Since then, I’ve had three major relationships- the first one is when I received my diagnosis, entered treatment and have been sorta okay since— I was told m, not that I was ever “too much” but that they couldn’t give me enough of what I wanted/needed. The first was a lesson in being too clingy, the second one he wanted a break when my teenage daughter was acting up- and he said he couldn’t give me enough support - and now- the third broke up with me this weekend after two months saying that he couldn’t keep up with me. What is this? Does anyone else have this happen?",3.4440431266846336,5.557193031446541,3.830480682839177,87.82825471698116,74.66037735849056,5.800718778077267,19.53324348607368,6.5431188927421005,0.08095831087151861,648,13,127,5,14,202,99,159,0.044000000000000004,0.914,0.040999999999999995,-0.3413,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,3,10,3,0,0,8,1,16,0,0,0,2,20,26,8,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,9,7,0,1,2,1,0,3,6,1,0,10,9,4,16,2,14,12,6,32,0,1,0,0,20,4,0,1,24,94,25,0,0.0,0.15853859030586595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861121526112668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935604790467878,0.13710037114833212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709479850845472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177799750750038,0.0,0.35553800911267724,0.4147730427488136,0.0,0.0,0.12103546270259095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763114799169856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567183990985693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832447290019882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893319119950227,0.0,0.0,0.07353644545006371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841436857640647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680291542425002,0.0,0.09836302953622654,0.09921567910930383,0.10319967069450664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813412293178916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773325785591408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309736852916832,0.0,0.0,0.12728043662765745,0.212816287380121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068595754879283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184180832746338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785765780439587,0.0,0.09084569727396576,0.0,0.13070931638502792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892242501778901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616687289151352
bpd,KappaGiggle,2019/04/29,"Splitting so hard lately... I can't stop it. Descending from perfect order into complete chaos. From day to night and back again with no halt for dusk or dawn. It feels like literally losing my mind.

What is the cure? I've been reading obsessively to soothe my mind. Thought a bit of self-help would make things better but each new twinge of literary truth tweaks my spirit in ways too uncomfortable to bare all at once. I love my dog but even his presence isn't helping. Trying to make music is actually making me more depressed. I've resorted to numbing again because of this endless sensory overload cycle. I've gone from calmly considering whether I should end my life to being completely and utterly fine with my place and purpose in the world over the last week.

This rollercoaster won't fucking stop and I'm over it.",4.316883116883115,6.785166402597407,4.637662337662338,81.40506493506496,73.28571428571428,7.5168831168831165,28.532467532467532,8.418075326091056,2.2616025974025984,662,27,117,12,14,208,112,154,0.142,0.695,0.163,0.5489,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,6,12,1,1,4,0,9,4,0,3,3,27,18,9,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,3,2,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,2,11,7,21,11,4,23,1,2,0,2,3,8,1,1,13,70,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.15439540818944875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216578770467662,0.0,0.0964466397345914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992866463764994,0.17273024008138327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317716748172109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203584458636768,0.0,0.13627069274540607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013188415790298,0.0,0.0,0.10449977996500208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999846041002676,0.11302911383800407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626758845284582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172992231153278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209689603770374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896666825878975,0.1784738633121059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175221646507638,0.07729605298950007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700256339631792,0.0,0.0,0.14279557622918435,0.0,0.31683002549178274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195049050333568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280541985129714,0.0,0.1484744357057878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684942381012296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530141924882766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582582159853761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650531683757306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26455031872181994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511128196660023,0.0,0.0,0.12560535528514305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741787151036873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558402071604335,0.12691085099637964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239168120086004,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bugfriendly,2019/04/29,It fucking hurts I can't ignore this debilitating pain no matter how hard I try. I'm in love without a lover. She is my entire world while I am merely an after thought in hers. Instead of taking a bullet for her maybe I'll just take one for myself.,1.5230769230769212,3.5167805384615427,3.6698461538461538,87.27515384615386,80.15384615384616,4.929230769230768,20.015384615384615,5.6839178017228535,-0.03227384615384565,196,5,40,1,5,67,45,52,0.23399999999999999,0.631,0.135,-0.6899,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,6,9,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,8,2,7,8,0,5,0,1,0,3,5,3,1,0,2,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852999650513432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764490910797071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303675898043383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278527685720384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100347838287474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091184528174969,0.0,0.3283770355379671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464064481595646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449975681705145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095222551486704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974838063241668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pietpiet12,2019/04/29,"My gf with BPD is splitting My gf is having a pretty bad splitting episode, it has been going on for a couple of weeks now. 
She still loves me and i love her every bit as much but the splitting just keeps on going. I wish there was a way to stop the splitting it might be because she has her final exams in 2weeks I don’t know. We still love to spend time together and are going on a big trip within 2 months which I am really looking forward to and I hope she still is. After a few weeks of splitting it just becomes really hard to deal with and I can get desperate to try and fix it but when that doesn’t work I feel it is only getting worse:(.

 does anyone have good advice on how to deal with a long splitting episode?",2.45398454746137,3.809716556291392,3.696307947019868,90.97417494481236,75.49006622516556,6.092935982339957,22.517108167770424,6.42735559955562,0.38793995584989016,564,15,122,4,12,184,93,151,0.063,0.784,0.152,0.9438,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,8,0,17,3,0,1,0,21,31,10,0,2,4,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,2,0,1,5,2,1,0,0,2,3,16,5,20,27,3,26,0,0,1,3,13,8,0,2,14,86,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790202928740206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986752428202852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783032951325753,0.08602618985156207,0.15585730736843284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540678292912838,0.0,0.17773724462920534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614795298453538,0.0,0.0,0.2909795758760814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349613633376146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890071985837887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135513235094453,0.0,0.0,0.15459140571029809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746003259403942,0.0,0.2406073355273048,0.11836578936039095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641689993525118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401652200264897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543503026671618,0.0,0.0,0.07755653546084339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248878446512061,0.11850628799435264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821022500460179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497073201436364,0.0,0.0,0.11264161663956425,0.0,0.10374033911447007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732905194051244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357102137564925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081174265864908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380987813967914,0.11798366436758345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228892205528171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581204937187053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120154609654698,0.2263978712390983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622824459622286,0.0,0.0,0.10273793365803437,0.0,0.14381458615564202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vimimi,2019/04/29,"Feel like I can't have more friends? Why do I feel like I can only have one close friend? Whenever I try making another one I always try to distance myself or try not to act normally around them. The same applies to the friend I have too, I only want their friend to be me, because I feel like if they get someone else they'll leave me. I always feel like I'm not being good enough and I can't understand why they like me. I really needed to vent about this...",2.1834375,3.7217821354166674,3.59416666666667,90.6675,76.60416666666666,6.883333333333333,21.375,7.645422480735847,0.6642125000000001,359,9,79,5,8,118,56,96,0.064,0.696,0.24,0.9467,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,0,3,10,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,1,0,17,20,3,0,4,4,0,4,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,20,10,7,17,3,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,5,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291497573383123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438723994192545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257946353888605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393877211094378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502811837779332,0.0,0.0,0.14227774017877606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784948259913388,0.3934828649067953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255372344963345,0.0,0.07194096409907813,0.0,0.0,0.11549365415343245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580116985090458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363588298574002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191377180460747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210053083794388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491375820890447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186614010430392,0.20944944434394788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821218101252086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667016422458132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804615358968581,0.0,0.0,0.14334736307317075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121721850491723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850012872936725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bbqsauceenthusiast,2019/04/29,"Finding the calm.. how do you do it?? Tomorrow I have three final exams and then Friday I graduate from FSU. I found a job for post-grad too. I know I should be excited but I’m so incredibly overwhelmed right now. I have so much stress right now it feels like I can barely breathe. The littlest things have been triggering me and I keep falling into these pits of sadness and fear.  Today I took graduation pictures with my friends, something that I would have used to avoid, but after losing a bunch of weight I was pretty excited to actually look good in photos for once. Most of them turned out great, but I looked like shit in all of the photos my boyfriend and I took and I felt so disappointed about myself and my body. I’m trying not to lose it right now because my anxiety has been so bad that it’s effecting my boyfriend and even though I know with all of my heart he loves me and he has assured me he is here to help and will not leave me, I’m so scared that my unstable emotions will be the end of us. I’m trying to find peace right now. How do you find it? How do you calm yourself in times of great stress?",2.3869736842105285,4.220615855263162,3.3989824561403523,90.9982105263158,76.85087719298245,6.665263157894738,23.242105263157892,7.554174236665415,0.846080000000001,877,27,191,12,20,281,125,228,0.179,0.607,0.214,0.8464,1,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,3,1,3,17,24,1,6,6,0,21,6,4,6,3,40,38,22,0,2,5,0,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,13,1,2,9,0,0,3,2,12,0,1,7,5,32,12,24,25,5,23,0,5,2,1,11,9,1,1,13,130,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.10986167488889226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612326231077867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399945613889656,0.06862761984246565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505081255778172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266371566621815,0.09971231450117396,0.0,0.0,0.07435791638562733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668360854912866,0.05692374502740486,0.08042705351841546,0.10809429230915124,0.12332570162999107,0.3086877770044525,0.0,0.0,0.1234379734783276,0.08697889790200151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442662064418716,0.0,0.2482393214899593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340764138351033,0.07545988741078953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171811057775732,0.10006612622186313,0.0,0.0,0.12374186142823387,0.0,0.0,0.11920578542523234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000163726769917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907740759997194,0.2518960674074727,0.0,0.0,0.10160769258120182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275912913684676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989384544529424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782035783328013,0.11453416096149067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845702410334851,0.0,0.0,0.11271205020146767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155615783574235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666945379538547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25791963130824874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747930370597542,0.0,0.11060911202497588,0.0,0.06564620460118653,0.0,0.1067125158521247,0.0,0.2501606684261121,0.15286863016869706,0.1224545276465022,0.0,0.0,0.1354196746957075,0.0972328273490214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370919045615948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997348162811962,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mademma12,2019/04/29,"Medical Withdrawal from college??? Currently in my second semester of college and doing horribly. In March I (stupidly) went off my medications and couldn't get out of bed for weeks. At this point, I think even if I worked my ass off there's no way I can get high enough grades to keep my full ride. My therapist recommend I get a medical withdrawal so I can restart next semester and maybe get some money back. 

Anyone have experience with being in college and having bpd or medically withdrawing?",5.669780219780217,7.63952279120879,6.596483516483519,70.92351648351651,68.34065934065934,11.353846153846154,33.879120879120876,11.20814326018867,4.575962637362639,398,19,67,14,7,132,66,91,0.111,0.8370000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.8105,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,0,12,14,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,11,0,13,11,3,18,0,0,0,1,0,10,1,3,5,48,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803202422492605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980023303943874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260334572425568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744201623319038,0.0,0.11149377353357236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512318214601873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35277351525847983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835121156925907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004118670434888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958679895136694,0.0,0.0,0.6802110576896971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952549003400206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957480537087418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959950233571703,0.0,0.10816310108940916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398914686556607,0.1354047796529542,0.0,0.0,0.15648345329982874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289167908539535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theoutcast99,2019/04/29,"Some questions I was wondering if how long feelings of emptiness last for you guys. 99% of the time I feel empty and like a complete outcast. It feels as if I'm an actor in a movie that keeps going (depersonalization?) Anyway, many other have probably said the same thing..",4.8008823529411755,6.666232176470594,5.578578431372549,77.77610294117648,70.37254901960785,7.452941176470588,28.43627450980393,8.07648339933343,1.9930745098039209,215,8,38,3,4,70,45,51,0.094,0.857,0.05,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,10,5,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,5,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,5,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854924022992924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130362121230475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474950465828785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696113427737756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24202514970748498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195387209003395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302784734943873,0.0,0.0,0.2409693626579661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760607900843103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29357623441072944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050287381931109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590115208291138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180898338677864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587753328344496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952884598007651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiredgrl96,2019/06/14,anyone else basically “force” someone into showing you how much you mean to them like i deactivated twitter knowing that it was my main source of talking to someone but know if they actually like talking to me that they will message me on another platform? This is all because they tweeted and didn’t respond to my message,14.235593220338984,9.306762135593221,13.115000000000006,53.57724576271189,54.76271186440679,14.511864406779662,58.3135593220339,11.20814326018867,6.889433898305082,262,17,40,4,2,86,46,59,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,11,2,7,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,2,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2607561340156706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801905330244746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683781092633467,0.273785827985474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628873112931922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232177151806458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29370068711005465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610883340193774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29106747972531444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642837768541685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528083716440145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295427959049312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lover_surreal,2019/06/14,"strong emotional reactions? Hello so, I haven't got an actual diagnosis. I'm not even sure I may have bpd since I find myself in few traits, yet I have recently been tested by my psychologist who seemed quite sure of it. I sort of feel like an intruder here and I am deeply sorry to your own experiences if my rant seems exaggerated or rather false. 

The thing is... I'm feeling that kind of disconnection from people rn. I am only faking empathy and just feel... alone, barely even a person. My self-esteem dropped. All after a day at the beach with many people from my class.

I was wondering if disproportionate emotional reactions to the smallest things and comments have counted as symptoms, in your experience. Some years ago a comment such as ""your mp3 doesn't have much space"" would just lead me to think compulsively about it for the next three days in a sense of deep offence and shame that people around me could not relate to (as I later found out explaining them).

The situation's got better after therapy, but after the stress and anxiety i got through yesterday I feel my emotions are lacking proportions again. Have felt like crying the whole day. I don't trust anyone. I got really angry after someone changed the groupchat name back from a fun name i made myself. And noises are making me want to scream.

Do you ever feel like you're becoming hypersensitive again after a long period of being healthier? And is there a way you cope with that and just... rationalize? And become yourself again? I look at the mirror and I just see a shameful blob rn",4.317184773988899,6.711722512027496,5.19768041237113,77.7325396510706,73.02061855670105,8.463177372455721,25.62529738302934,9.162432508145574,2.324498176050753,1245,42,220,29,26,405,179,291,0.14,0.789,0.071,-0.9652,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,5,1,4,19,15,0,3,19,0,21,1,0,3,4,54,44,18,0,7,11,0,6,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,14,0,0,13,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,9,9,32,10,34,31,7,34,0,0,2,0,14,9,0,9,25,155,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.09843642607370036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941685546794985,0.0,0.0,0.10447286980755603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716672945551477,0.0,0.0,0.07053197974593714,0.0,0.0,0.08979737947495979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756426671383178,0.0,0.0,0.22281018282544784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921300065669277,0.0,0.0,0.12704463024345009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670909790378796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053800627257747,0.0,0.11080304851986876,0.19516209692264594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34040194060123896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324988075579122,0.09124441100403244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734415325308266,0.0,0.0,0.2550193242955394,0.1441258148667002,0.09685284540436714,0.0,0.09219509160552564,0.0,0.0,0.1106008347613068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32270590160361146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050425640598683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784274924588836,0.0,0.0,0.08926845962259727,0.08470699301755938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544743330115417,0.0673327783254239,0.10226827685145504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415245494338175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072784128723232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767176274539922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097956290943306,0.08807745461391046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728968507346633,0.0,0.0,0.06462112383272356,0.0,0.09959883462446094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038184651070847,0.1836599834414885,0.1052313938450272,0.0,0.0,0.08344228028254358,0.11338424498502872,0.0,0.0,0.08546843580333567,0.0,0.0,0.1129178365515902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554842371512693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014114902143012,0.10484453005147276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535581179382998,0.0,0.13402961989803794,0.06463464221165897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594968617045153,0.08006742115079085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126198770045232,0.0,0.0,0.10939127555463997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165650551117507,0.0,0.0,0.06495819811392499
bpd,fischbrot,2019/06/14,"ketamine i might be having another episode. i realized just last two weeks how letters from the government make me go beyond the 70%

can ketamin help to ease me?

i used ketamine infusions against depression before but this time it would be snorting recreationally.

got access to clean pure product.

also i think psychedelics helped me in the past but that's another story.",5.168703296703296,8.422025123076924,4.732967032967032,77.66846153846154,74.69230769230771,8.021978021978024,33.901098901098905,8.841846274778883,3.639879120879121,303,16,46,7,7,92,53,65,0.036000000000000004,0.855,0.109,0.5859,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,3,1,11,11,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,7,0,6,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986973944026767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5241489144720021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126728823288264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152652138065325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420415533850904,0.0,0.19989266137024767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350469771116458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372713205848456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683089078989796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26513730672074176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23858743057073956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014570027011465,0.0,0.0,0.14573678258188935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441462816452996,0.0,0.0,0.21586014766999326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004795816599064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775438195575945,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CosmicBobby,2019/06/14,"Please help i need some company tonight So like the title says. Trying not to break 7 months of no self harm and trying not to go out and have unprotected sex with whoever pays me the slightest compliment or lets be honest even just looks at me nicely and trying not to ruin my 5 year relationship by doing this because im scared hes gonna leave me and trying not to order the things i need to finally end myself and trying not to get some mdma to feel good for a couple hours.

Just someone talk to me for a bit or something? I'm asking you to take time out if your day i know but i really just need to not be alone. Anything in your mind?",4.695373134328361,4.591931186567166,5.912649253731345,82.5053917910448,69.22388059701493,8.789552238805971,25.70522388059701,8.472884824447931,1.4867940298507458,505,12,107,7,8,170,91,134,0.064,0.802,0.134,0.8102,0,1,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,29,18,10,0,4,13,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,0,3,14,5,19,14,3,15,0,1,1,1,10,4,0,5,9,68,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768653055621445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252899269783586,0.0,0.14233450366164116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281103839601973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621909263467288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846327478775866,0.0,0.09818955554839467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348495470332191,0.0,0.0,0.10056061172682708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698288090875302,0.0,0.0,0.16678396330036474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954507092885738,0.0,0.08652797748577415,0.12770124819032594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205090201173572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993695722540706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445763510897926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367338601115434,0.0,0.0,0.1612122459372101,0.0,0.15568736866482666,0.0,0.07438234200394105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278528278910393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373050886153375,0.0,0.1215256124322528,0.0,0.0,0.3386774448640858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712631354566826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975361434657239,0.0,0.0,0.16346102176209876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107642172825606,0.15243020875495192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883141174912746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900211450800786,0.11721056365396715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447410253899172,0.12237390563746273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114906287355184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877901389818611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168435222109599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804490783718504
bpd,Tulipsia,2019/06/14,"I cant keep it in Okay so I'm 35 years old, been in therapy since third grade, been in recovery clean and sober for 19 years, last SA was February of 2017, am medicated. So, aside from talking about every little thing with my therapist or in a meeting, I have zero ways to release stress. Most people have vices. Drinking, drugs, shopping, sex, whatever. I have none of these available to me. I am very very good at not blowing up at people and because of that I can actually hide the bpd most of the time. But it also means all this crap is just inside me all of the time. I feel like I am holding together everyone around me as they fall apart and I am literally the disabled for mental illness person sitting here keeping everyone else together. I feel like I am coming apart at the seams. The urge to self harm is very very strong, cause it's the only way I can kinda, let out some of the crap? It's that or straight up suicide again, but I have kids and stuff so that's not really an option except that when it gets so bad that even my family isn't enough. So I think I've just decided to start self harming again, to cope with being so very overwhelmed and so very put together and calm on the outside. If this post could possibly not get completely ignored like every other post I make, that would be great. An alternative that isn't ""go outside, start a hobby..."" would be fantastic.",4.113727272727271,5.3529850545454565,5.048136363636363,83.36020454545455,71.18181818181819,8.40909090909091,27.56818181818182,8.841846274778883,2.0312727272727282,1090,38,218,20,20,356,162,275,0.087,0.7929999999999999,0.12,0.8105,0,0,2,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,1,1,17,16,2,2,13,1,26,7,2,2,2,43,40,21,1,4,11,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,1,4,18,11,1,4,5,2,1,4,7,8,0,2,3,2,20,8,31,30,7,36,0,1,0,1,7,16,2,8,14,146,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0994170192183908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147080599961183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906919131169917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850628369440945,0.06210312565952561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831020944472246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046554929835692,0.0,0.08775780562275844,0.10681584173458092,0.0,0.0,0.08134030091073098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980043725990292,0.11814469472929093,0.0,0.08510495817776582,0.0,0.0,0.10526592365679674,0.0,0.06728863736899786,0.0,0.17167112385458916,0.1946952148506697,0.0,0.0,0.09604033997599236,0.0,0.1030238990821078,0.14556155153114791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064528017542914,0.0,0.0578989089200201,0.08544939050678904,0.0,0.11231948457133348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110548567132254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304315450290793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417588669288358,0.0,0.14931551285774644,0.10210727479135792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800352657861056,0.0,0.0,0.11097365488614408,0.0,0.10263011499355697,0.10266780968162137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069025192631128,0.0,0.0,0.07748186466331525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125703205294762,0.0889548548979427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485073658303036,0.19513954429851427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241427962795954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652648594249231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255935270214446,0.0,0.0,0.08427350639757072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421778633659624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669948127272255,0.0,0.11662451329907585,0.11143663721099334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188467848859021,0.0,0.0,0.11650495061120775,0.11828676736676898,0.06768239069986358,0.0652785124697565,0.0,0.0,0.11881031289666664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043539649798623,0.0,0.16173005593184342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447406507870064,0.0,0.0,0.13121058307112826
bpd,Paxson_,2019/06/14,"Having trouble making my girlfriend happy. My girlfriend has BPD and she's been struggling with it for a while. She has a TON of problems at her home life with her parents. He brothers completely ignore her or tell her ""we would be better off without you here"". Her little sister doesn't talk to her, and when she does, her mother yells at her for ""influencing her"". Her father hits her and tells. Every single person in that house is quite literally out to get her.

I've been dating her for about 2 years and we have been happy when we are together, but when I leave her house at night it can be hard for her and she will break down sometimes and start crying and shaking. 
I hate seeing her like this, it feels like theres nothing I can do to help her out. I cant force her to get her G.E.D. i cant force her to continue making advances in her life toward a college life. What I can and have been doing is helping her out as much as I can, offering tutoring for G.E.D. what financial knowledge I have. But It still is hard.

We have a color system, when she wakes up she texts me the color of how she's feeling, goes from green, yellow, red, double red.
And for the past week, with her brother home from college, it's been rare to see a yellow.
I love her and I remind her as much as I can to tell her I'm not gonna just drop her because she's in a bad time. 
I've got her an xbox so we can talk and play when I'm gone, I hold her and talk with her. When she's feeling bad I'll take her out of  a bad environment and bring her somewhere nice and quiet so we can just talk and let everything out.

We have codes so if she's feeling uneasy in an environment we can gtfo. 
But today she really really broke. It's bad and she's bringing up how she doesn't wanna be here anymore.
She's done this before. But it's still hard to hear.
She talks about the past of how her father would play with her and tease her, and now how he just hits her and yells.

Whenever she gets sad I tell her how we are a team, and I'm there to help her out as much as I can.
But she then tells me she's the shittiest teammate in the world. She brings up how I pay for everything and come see her when she's sad all the time.
I'll say that's what teammates do. I have a very privileged life and I have wonderful parents, home life, ect. I don't need any help and I want to help her.

I'm not exactly new to BPD, my sister has it along with schizophrenia and a few other things. I've flown her to hospitals all around America, I've seen her fall backwards and start screaming at me ""That's not (my name), that's not (my name)"". I've seen her in the hospital after ODing many times.

So I can always tell my girlfriend I've dealt with harder conditions. I'll make jokes out of it.

I just wanna know if I'm doing anything wrong. What could I do better? 

Sorry if grammar is bad, on mobile. Thankyou.",1.7938711122488158,3.4171822995008303,3.2110108153078194,92.6267376487905,77.91846921797007,6.153858953027007,20.709106617176506,6.928431444225013,0.25899357481121266,2226,55,501,23,52,728,233,601,0.132,0.757,0.11,-0.9436,2,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,9,1,0,5,31,29,2,2,19,0,51,7,1,10,3,101,90,59,0,11,18,9,7,2,3,4,5,6,3,1,21,51,0,2,7,5,1,8,10,17,0,0,10,25,104,12,71,69,9,66,0,3,12,1,112,28,0,5,29,343,125,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846750633219783,0.0,0.0,0.04778375164132568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968566489387512,0.0,0.0,0.057823490160796485,0.06255224220094753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29334871191673034,0.0428339156621309,0.0,0.059791768911823966,0.0,0.0,0.12429033580221267,0.0,0.0,0.17699684618378272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060528522595582765,0.0736732766289804,0.0,0.0,0.05610222596917217,0.0,0.07718464801693786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149084479327669,0.07190720925003134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059202708098177785,0.0,0.12630232151633788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211577783251306,0.05019852991069032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013431974437488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056198682619722634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496003739698112,0.18883542928396704,0.06937379870033454,0.0,0.0,0.07919565467992036,0.0,0.235491370722695,0.0,0.21144962635146586,0.0,0.0,0.16215662803215192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861672944842748,0.0,0.0,0.07440226793619521,0.0,0.0718524405533885,0.2481571689948912,0.06865750064240689,0.07042567262847907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341842168849078,0.0,0.14071066268862892,0.07123938427256242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496228337175566,0.05210185254069368,0.0,0.06786399696908729,0.0,0.06594051876255484,0.0,0.06742277413135296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604566427946945,0.0,0.13415499294258545,0.0,0.06135415427115677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672357226072934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473726299830706,0.0,0.0,0.09002926840218367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587888387641535,0.0,0.0,0.16798033843179067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694955427896037,0.07865779493878977,0.0994702348926533,0.0,0.112230122112101,0.0,0.0,0.07345798999777707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283179822566862,0.2823884768401341,0.3684970503374612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668205962681162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291919774636854,0.0,0.0666045961465111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057977369551004576,0.041445108145666036,0.0,0.05636369191448864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773457161419491,0.07620121659644337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983086620603324,0.07682558344011453,0.0,0.045249437846818515
bpd,sjbrooker,2019/06/14,"Coping With My BPD By Making Up Stories : Perry The FP Parasite - Chapter 1 Perry the Parasite - chapter 1 

————- 
Perry was never really a stranger to me. He’s been lurking around for years. Well, I don’t really want to say “he.” That might offend perry. I don’t think perry has a gender, although at times he is more aggressively masculine than others. Perry is an amorphous blob with arms that follows me around and attaches himself to people. I don’t really want to call perry “it,” either. It depersonalizes him and will probably hurt his feelings. Perry has quite the personality, you see. He/she always has. 

I’ve always felt Perry’s presence. At a whopping 3 feet long and 1 foot tall, He waddles beside me, drooling and foaming at the mouth, anxiously awaiting his next treat. Perry feeds when he wants. Certain people just really excite him. I haven’t identified any actual “type” that he has. The spectrum has been broad. They’ve been tall, skinny, nerdy, masculine, feminine, brown hair, blonde hair, blue eyes, and brown. I never know who perry will pick. I’ve offered him nice gentlemen to suckle on and patient, well-dressed women to nibble and he simply won’t have them. Perry doesn’t simply eat, he FEEDS. And when Perry feeds, everyone suffers.

I don’t know exactly how Perry came to be. I think he has always been there, sleeping next to me as a child when I kept my precious treasure trove of boy celebrity photos under my bed. I fed Perry with those. I didn’t really have anything else for him to eat and he was constantly starving. He fed 24/7. The thing about Perry is that even though he feeds constantly, he never grows. He’s always deteriorating and diminishing at an alarmingly rapid rate; so fast that he must feed incessantly. I have starved Perry for months and he refuses to die. He just sits there: shriveled, whining, ravenous, and waiting. 

I first saw perry when I was high off my ass on a date. I felt him before I saw him. I stood there, nursing a cigarette, head pleasantly adrift, watching my date socialize. “He’s so nice,” I mused. “I don’t even have to be around him making sure he has a good time. He makes friends pretty easily. I like that. That’s someone I could really be compatible with.” 

Duuh-nun. 

Uh oh. There it was. The beginning of the jaws theme. The pre-emptive warning. Something was in the shadows, lurking. Ready to latch. Shutup, heart. But it kept talking, like that annoyingly optimistic friend who keeps dating despite 4 divorces.

“He’s been the one to pursue, too. What a nice change! Usually I’m the one doing all the work. Maybe he’s just what I need.” 

Duuuuuuhhh-NUN. 

I could see the outline of something approaching my date. Something dark and green, something amoeba-y, Like an infected booger with teeth; It’s smile dripping with acid and saliva. Christ, heart. What the hell are you summoning?! 

DUUUUUUUHHHH-NUNNN!! 

Out from the bushes of the bar leapt this disgustingly adorable cartoon creature, fingers dripping with slime. He approached my date, mouth agape, teeth curled into a mischievous grin. My eyes got wider than dinner plates. It’s him. It’s that little green fucker who has been making my life miserable for 29 years. 

He had latched onto Bryon’s neck, and onto Aaron’s. He fed on Aaron exclusively for 3 years. When things ended with Bryon he whined so much that I had to pull over and vomit. He LOVED Elliot. I think Elliot was his favorite meal; maybe it was a delicacy on his home planet. He simply couldn’t get enough. Jared was a snack, too. So was the Jarred with two R’s. Presently, he had been feasting on Richard for 3 months. He had made me look like a joke, a freak, a demon, yet all along, it hadn’t actually been me; it had been him. He was the monster. My blood boiled and the hair on my neck stood on end as I flicked my cigarette onto the asphalt. I’m ending this shit. Now. 

“Just where the fuck do you think you’re going?” I growled under my breath as the mucinex loogie crawled over to my blissfully unaware date. He turned towards me, lips curled, and hissed. Once I saw him, I realized he was just a representation of something in my head. I can control him, I think. 

“Get the hell over here” I whispered through gritted teeth. Much to my surprise, the monster responded.

“Why the hell should I?” He complained, oozing. “You have NOTHING to give me! You’ve been starving me for YEARS. I always have to feed off of some innocent little bystander!” 

I froze. Suddenly, the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t actual food this monster craved, it was love. He fed off of anything that walked, talked, or looked like love; My warped and twisted definition of it, anyways. What the hell else did I expect him to do but FEED? I had nothing to give him. Nothing. My cabinets were bare. My fridge was a desert. He lived to feed. He had to.

Now that I was aware of him, maybe I could do something. Maybe, in the extension of my brain that imagined his existence, I could also imagine feeding him. Warding him off of the innocent people that he sank his teeth into. Maybe there would no longer be a trail behind me littered with emotionally exhausted and defeated men and women, all prey to his sharp, dirty fangs and insatiable appetite. 

Maybe I could imagine feeding him. 

It seemed stupid. Futile, even. But I had to try. 

We stood there, breathing hard, staring at each other. He longed to feast, his nails glistening, his smile broadening. I shut my eyes and imagined throwing him one of my favorite foods; a plate of BBQ ribs. Fresh spare ribs, right from the smoker. Here you go, buddy. The carnivorous blob turned for a second before attacking the ribs in a ravenous fury, bones flying. Damn, he IS hungry. I kept the imaginary “food” coming, all my favorites. All given with love. A Mexican pizza. A Jimmy Johns sandwich. Hot pepperoni pizza. And the little monster ate, happily, sloppily, violently, while my date continued playing beer pong. Safe. Unharmed. 

 But how long can I keep him off? I mused. There was something endearing about the little green monster. You couldn’t help but pity him. I saw something almost human inside of it, something that tugged at my heartstrings, like a hot-tempered, abused dog that just needs a little extra TLC. Maybe I could help him. Maybe I could do this. Going on walks together in the park, kids petting him, playing fetch, totally tame. Totally satisfied. I was going to domesticate this little green parasite that followed me around. But first, I had to give him a name. I went with the first thing that came to mind. 

Perry. Your name is perry. 

He chomped on, ignoring me. 

Don’t worry, buddy. I’ll save you. You’re not going to be starving anymore.",2.6260045154112923,5.470433882970138,3.484456241956241,84.99155708068844,82.64810330912026,6.1250812555897305,24.02941016076609,7.483850760857524,1.4256955871125367,5227,194,937,86,148,1660,523,1239,0.09699999999999999,0.8029999999999999,0.1,-0.8238,1,0,13,0,3,0,245.0,1,8,1,7,45,61,15,2,67,0,96,76,37,9,15,137,168,49,1,18,15,0,11,7,2,7,4,2,3,8,51,49,30,10,16,5,0,18,19,27,2,8,63,36,132,34,119,83,16,120,6,7,21,7,118,55,9,5,53,566,183,3,0.0,0.05361399412474647,0.13247277229569288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531145989475212,0.0,0.0,0.036186505478921896,0.18825862824916134,0.0,0.0,0.03077163402688405,0.0,0.0,0.05111975688503777,0.04487596104069563,0.0,0.0,0.07447398817661341,0.1611288053744093,0.0,0.05147854524760207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700904041964945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569909434441484,0.050514100238348805,0.04620543288908553,0.10350816749047534,0.0,0.0,0.047868628150259114,0.038978972590515935,0.0,0.0977986109740105,0.05075185848664267,0.25289977752326914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469624816078254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260434113904477,0.07560133958654625,0.05090029571473827,0.120234528987015,0.04675547119502657,0.0,0.08966183462702078,0.0,0.0,0.043238429842876486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02287982083184713,0.0,0.08689442480595848,0.0,0.0,0.11546918962276778,0.1641498780742667,0.0,0.06992026259661031,0.04183300778733506,0.047282641268414666,0.13022411812572826,0.12858343299487485,0.03795365468409862,0.03619065550456927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053522045773079,0.0,0.0928793577757938,0.0,0.0,0.10724322270028223,0.060660404656054386,0.047809237324619135,0.04538956091217571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048441190500955265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044077346601122,0.0,0.0,0.049736566304873706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03196149872357137,0.15474846441306564,0.2721150537305003,0.039956685933918365,0.12013479965147865,0.07599741034527491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633600038280044,0.0428167586676545,0.1208192287742741,0.0,0.3636786292327425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800322764809559,0.04568972293086341,0.0,0.07223642986876826,0.0,0.06652809107830683,0.06710478283661299,0.1046990488741528,0.0,0.09624803423912964,0.0,0.0,0.1302561347351147,0.0,0.0,0.04818990214556099,0.09198795937758517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941122093049734,0.03951066034815517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046035640850110034,0.0487872838747959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812907371563351,0.0,0.0,0.1739303175549018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386433561595005,0.0,0.03598471248935406,0.0,0.0,0.07211697589499945,0.04119401075515641,0.0,0.0,0.04644859902647649,0.0,0.0,0.04528280017585869,0.04612679995851436,0.038340280748535266,0.31352178535161795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426477036043182,0.0,0.0,0.07274066655928862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901865093331278,0.14497225233993447,0.0444580142132741,0.0,0.05277141898667525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03072186191707725,0.09843827567042884,0.04420279319499678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983661548020443,0.0,0.08006908140884213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137058634323725,0.041947315582334777,0.04083119606822207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03294262707227545,0.0459536944494612,0.0,0.032144387725534976,0.0,0.0,0.11655837756701562
bpd,norwickmc,2019/06/14,"My ex FP is moving across the country and I dunno how to process it I was with him for most my adult life, for about 7 years. I left him because I was going through a breakdown and he was emotionally unavailable, I became increasingly unhappy in the relationship and his perceived indifference and I broke it off a couple years ago. I'm in a new relationship now that's way better for me and I don't wanna be with my ex, but I can't help but feel some type of way about it. 

I guess it's because towards the end of our relationship I was asking him to move somewhere else with me and start fresh. New jobs, new location. He refused.... But now a year into dating this new girl, he's quit his job and is moving across the country to be with her. 

I know it probably has nothing to do with me, people change, life changes. But I can't help but be so sad for the me a couple years ago who tried so hard to fix things when he was resistant. And I can't help but wonder if we did those things if we would've lasted... Even though I don't wanna be with him now!! Why do I even care??

I dunno why I'm even posting this, guess I need to vent.",2.20870411322424,3.5284012857142883,3.871733746130033,89.61490712074307,76.05882352941177,6.859265811587792,23.030517470145952,7.475848149327749,0.7419630252100844,878,25,199,11,19,294,117,238,0.099,0.86,0.040999999999999995,-0.902,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,0,2,13,4,0,0,10,0,20,2,0,1,0,40,32,21,0,5,8,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,17,0,1,4,0,0,5,5,2,0,0,6,2,34,2,30,22,3,34,0,2,0,0,27,8,0,9,18,135,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715877606568556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341839482874427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182932467247905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883774425010501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188238785984402,0.0,0.2114193468421008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113497870730728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347631033838677,0.11240459242220313,0.08850579376855316,0.0,0.0,0.19800281777457396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052616884015747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056790901408659486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201620402828501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951509751201861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093718412981815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983245520770856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491734758586517,0.0814539632612663,0.0,0.0,0.10857113940797804,0.0,0.14116300059866074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186202344639196,0.0,0.07409471456317962,0.0,0.3860410514665407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958827941946691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927690288326781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957025860063808,0.0,0.10773836737739972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106284822881638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218530829260272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072895014766639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277431471629156,0.0,0.09817791620602738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784397455357749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863503876955468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803374179938461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836673012098096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709853793620265,0.0,0.0,0.2573992300013305
bpd,poopiedoopiedoopie,2019/06/14,"I just need to tell someone I like someone a lot. I thought they liked me - although I'm now not sure of that. I struggled with anxiety around them and gave them the impression I didn't like them but we were making progress. A girl who doesn't like me and was toying with him realised what was happening and obviously has been paying a lot of attention to him and now he's just cold towards me.

She's been basically gloating. 

I unfollowed him from social media, removed myself from a shitposting group he runs. I hope he never asks why. I also feel like I may have been rash in the decision to remove myself but I actually can't do anything about that without him knowing. 

I created this myself. I did this myself. I over thought things, I wrung myself inside out and worked myself into such a state I was passive aggressive towards him or unfriendly because I was terrified he'd see just how much I liked him and reject me. Inside I was screaming. We have so much shit in common. I wanted... so many fucking things. I could've made those things real, or at least I could've tried. 

The worst part is I want to blame him, I want to hurt him like I hurt. I want to lash out and punish. I thought I was past this. I thought I was better. 

I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but how can I expect another person to put up with this kind of behavior?

I can't tell anyone this because of the shame I feel, because of the immense pain in my heart. How can you explain to someone who doesn't have BPD just why this is such a big deal?

I've been under a lot of life stress, I've been suicidal. But I'm ashamed to admit - horrified in fact - that this overwhelming crush and the worthlessness and self hatred I feel from not being able to control the rollercoaster of having an FP has been the main catalyst for those feelings. 

What kind of person thinks that? 'I like you so much that your lack of emoji makes me suicidal?' That's some fatal attraction shit. 

I'm so angry at everything. I'm angry at myself, I'm angry with my parents, I'm angry with the numerous toxic, abusive people who've chewed me up and spat me out and I'm angry that I've essentially got this life sentence just for the crime of being born into the wrong environment. 

I can't be this person anymore.",2.908252258317905,4.743329310722103,4.214135667396061,85.72027548673064,75.36761487964989,7.137945351512091,25.06586994333165,7.969615865706242,1.4465605004769118,1793,61,357,28,39,590,203,457,0.275,0.63,0.095,-0.9988,2,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,2,3,4,4,19,34,5,5,20,0,39,11,5,7,4,78,74,26,3,9,14,1,4,8,0,1,4,1,0,5,25,24,1,1,14,1,1,4,11,19,0,0,23,7,72,15,54,45,13,31,0,5,1,1,39,20,3,8,14,260,97,2,0.08314749581646147,0.09851618616337404,0.0811399617463988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861157296931406,0.0,0.0664930223640614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087187399127273,0.06360760671488895,0.0,0.08245997345131388,0.05813866235044202,0.0,0.06842330443116243,0.07401889956945283,0.07773168450150902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520578251076819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353720314008336,0.0,0.0,0.10472136026475523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325698673323654,0.13277301927226515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572141719248233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747276078583554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681674887500693,0.0594005876249353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768685200614209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650064807272077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352705595167504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853018288209044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258422444662343,0.0,0.0,0.17802222793786834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317064362292042,0.0456956892058553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618860577625475,0.3249733321094589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206708268170196,0.0,0.0786761709638781,0.11100319821674867,0.08429851024238072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833689294957571,0.06165281458981223,0.06412847465417848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847479788305465,0.0,0.09232545426145924,0.09004063530491084,0.07937369309207164,0.05764400435305829,0.21780355859553868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835861987879879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946400535425776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662577890231464,0.0,0.0867409719315987,0.0,0.17069941918795292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847584009738279,0.21135181014439602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524517553169264,0.08692381588420453,0.0,0.1818997300770949,0.0,0.07836553079682118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453491524356312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571850480332598,0.053277557970457065,0.0,0.2640392960514436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564516917144077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452127365494099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005536441738526,0.0,0.0,0.08015121884176132,0.0,0.06053236723627967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909087339627342,0.0,0.0
bpd,fouriertransform123,2019/06/14,How does missing out on sleep affect your ability to control your emotions? Title. For me I already have trouble controlling them but missing out on sleep making it exponentially worse or something,7.334545454545456,10.552343666666673,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,66.87878787878788,8.036363636363637,41.30303030303031,8.841846274778883,4.671775757575757,163,10,20,3,3,51,28,33,0.266,0.691,0.042,-0.8294,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,5,0,9,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,4,0,4,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29117600841620617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5918827251275991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309056142579812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29680692132061565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612856087219214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281009990313908,0.0,0.0,0.2031322751676236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688958241234269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sriracha_Twat,2019/06/14,"Breaking up with my BFF & FP Yesterday I had to write a really tough email to my best friend of 15 years due to his alcoholism. After a week of getting the silent treatment, & his half hearted apology for being a bad friend, I realized that there isn't much I missed in that week regarding him. A big light went on in my head that he hasn't been there for me when I've needed him like I have been for him, even before his alcoholism took hold. I feel like shit, but I'm also relieved I wont be taking care of a 35 yr old toddler anymore. I stuck with him when his abusive ex hated me & we didn't see each other for almost 2 years. I stuck by him & saw him twice a week during his rehab stay. But last week when his scooter was towed, his go-to move was to stop eating for 2 days, go on a vodka binge, & threaten to throw himself off our local waterfall. It was emotional blackmail, especially when he shut off his phone & casually walked home, pretending like nothing happened. It was terrifying, and though he admits it was shitty & emotional manipulation, it took me to a breaking point. I've been doing well in therapy & with DBT, and it feels like progress I make gets eclipsed by the rollercoaster of emotions my BFF orchestrates in his life. A friendship shouldn't be one person chasing the other to put out fires set by laziness. Anyway, I don't regret the email & the closure it gave me, his continued silence shows me I'm not wrong about the evaluation of our friendship. He's moving out of state & has other friends to take on my role of caretaker, so I don't feel like an asshole, just sad I didn't tap out sooner before I got so salty over the situation. The BPD made me gaslight myself, wondering if I was overreacting, & I think BPD also makes it easier for us to get taken advantage of. If anyone has any similar stories about breaking up with non-romantic FP's & creating healthy boundaries, I'd love to read them.",8.172170542635659,6.357640855297163,8.284405684754521,73.96133720930236,62.92764857881137,11.597416020671835,36.48708010335917,10.380263240014207,3.5533917312661494,1549,58,303,29,18,508,214,387,0.11199999999999999,0.6859999999999999,0.20199999999999999,0.9865,1,0,3,0,0,0,60.0,4,0,1,3,17,23,2,0,18,0,25,9,3,4,0,35,58,15,0,5,6,1,4,5,3,2,4,0,1,1,13,11,3,2,7,5,0,9,9,8,1,3,22,7,49,15,49,31,3,52,0,3,2,1,40,19,1,4,23,182,62,1,0.0,0.07047348270989501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713099572885184,0.05956012861162701,0.0,0.0,0.095131471170257,0.0,0.7733521758274768,0.0,0.040448100425106784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898768252805193,0.041589450175585005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966289900486533,0.0,0.0,0.10122534922304552,0.0,0.06242006686965253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982469905475596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064331552952735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038359357629282206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086237875636497,0.0,0.2007192992356516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039285649549024936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022386883060632,0.1274765025313109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786114514360956,0.0,0.09322675328444988,0.0,0.0676071424252323,0.0,0.04757119063031736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052597526438211716,0.0,0.0,0.05872369331242457,0.061043128022589835,0.0,0.0,0.07048349525253264,0.0,0.0,0.05966278932159427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048483732065435936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04201213068433352,0.14529339919592915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368257202809031,0.056280942148011735,0.07940605777509697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643459331602572,0.043724277148802615,0.04410329644517665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707218553023177,0.0,0.0624137309342141,0.0,0.04030484932491761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193520617813913,0.0,0.0,0.05622735406624604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059793327010268515,0.0,0.0,0.059495597153770126,0.0,0.03810409150022727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739746158438437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105485319327001,0.0,0.06685745139278908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339723423288161,0.0,0.049727526282203616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944236510817158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801999326185096,0.0,0.0,0.038112062663793266,0.05843830789188111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216782863805032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715465163728934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084347231667187,0.0,0.05347921474019884,0.05513809347126605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450298177807004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503149726560402,0.0,0.07660569726487743
bpd,alexan_driaa,2019/06/14,"I am not sure if I am suffering For as long as I can remember, I have dealt with depression, suicidal idealizations, and anxiety. For context, I am 24 and have tried various treatments for such diagnosis for 6 years now.

​

After some research and symptom matching, I feel as though I could possibly have borderline personality disorder. This scares the shit out of me though, so, I certainly am not ready to talk with a medical professional about it. I am not ready to receive the confirmation.

​

If there is anyone here that suffers from borderline personality disorder, I would greatly appreciate some enlightenment on how it effects you and your life. Matching my symptoms is one thing, but, I'd like to see if I relate to others by experience on the matter.

​

Any response is helpful. Thank you in advance.",8.424535768645358,9.519292260273977,8.759954337899547,61.1516362252664,61.32876712328767,12.51628614916286,42.93455098934551,12.06081838636515,5.933177473363775,674,39,102,22,9,223,97,146,0.134,0.738,0.128,0.4702,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,0,3,9,11,1,1,4,0,14,5,1,2,2,27,17,15,1,6,7,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,0,2,16,6,22,15,3,10,0,3,1,0,8,4,1,5,5,85,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802807543480747,0.42647246747946815,0.07955823813464097,0.0,0.08949818439560668,0.0,0.0,0.08180318349150861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340820049128752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076461553182092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26816481065651016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444014500718892,0.0,0.0,0.059154422304246286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898355202092784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784169426094456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263456286943888,0.05715614197519225,0.0,0.0,0.10353380422349903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785663748998185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927647446657944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430494669793448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189034843986466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252857390655887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712891014435407,0.0,0.09322708597131836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009010308456032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279697226852292,0.0,0.11026311297877828,0.2431979468256924,0.0,0.0940333436167284,0.0,0.10771006345959648,0.0,0.0,0.07772396031778704,0.0,0.2298871277802645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942955529118155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310741155721788,0.0,0.42647246747946815,0.07533869627269701
bpd,lockjaw2017,2019/06/14,"I feel alone I feel like I have nowhere to go and nowhere to turn. My fp doesn’t know why he even stays with me. I try so hard to change- on paper I’m the perfect DBT client. I do all my diary cards, I’m cognizant of my behaviors and I use my skills to genuinely work on undoing them. I can regulate my emotions really well and went from being suicidal constantly and exuding violence to being suicidal rarely and keeping my anger in check. I just don’t know what else I can give to him or what more I can do to show him that this mental illness does not define me; I am not stereotypes about bpd and I am certainly not in the same negative place I was in a year and a half ago. Somehow none of this is enough. I just want to feel like enough for someone, I want to feel loved. I worked so hard and while this journey was truly about bettering myself and not about recognition from others, at this point I just want to know he sees that I’ve changed. I’m so proud of myself and I don’t really get to share that with my FP. I just want to get out of this loop of toxicity and I truly love him and want to live a life that’s no longer filled with constant arguing and walking on eggshells. I want him to be happy and I want him to feel free and like I’m unrestrictive. I feel like my behavior now aligns with this but my past behavior has scarred him and I just can’t change my past. And in all of this, I just really want a hug and a friend that’s gonna tell me this will be alright, but I have no one to give me the comfort I need.",2.3985276073619626,3.5377834171779163,3.8293423312883457,90.83375582822089,75.25766871165644,7.7926871165644185,24.389693251533746,8.364918446050245,1.215226650306748,1198,37,280,21,25,396,150,326,0.079,0.753,0.16899999999999998,0.9646,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,6,16,20,2,0,8,1,22,5,0,1,4,63,57,25,2,10,13,0,8,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,16,23,0,1,9,1,2,5,12,2,1,2,3,9,50,19,41,48,7,25,0,0,1,3,17,11,0,2,12,188,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407579236151247,0.0,0.0,0.09823247824343112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388411424116872,0.0,0.0,0.11945597837336185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30100539472646537,0.0,0.0,0.2049909696424889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300090294443263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923216778730939,0.1066896642982632,0.0,0.1960037935284577,0.0,0.0626452878933759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28774375898732224,0.2032753000748804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327825152417311,0.0,0.0991068726267086,0.18197101151416176,0.053903511199323725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096597438255377,0.16992785610238284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843040202072577,0.0,0.0,0.15637564049197106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699296185620858,0.1853490407030744,0.0,0.08375128963202735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120552762453042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955830693913082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703275555978065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427051400302655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810836326313744,0.0,0.0,0.09909451485442876,0.0,0.08966069858580683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822834909960032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558046412504026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036322038455224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109386088186056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749358265854068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290011305258431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439461870555506,0.10316587003969972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191701379012449,0.0,0.0,0.44754387880467866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852784882563964,0.0879237527965237,0.0855843083079341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809891569750846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061078103767157325
bpd,Sesh-,2019/06/14,"How the hell do I change? So, I have a really big problem with changing myself. On the one side, I know I have to do it because otherwise, I will never be happy, my boyfriend will break up with me, and so on... On the other - I cannot make myself *want* to change. It's driving me insane. I was in psychodynamic therapy for two years (not really helpful) and now I've been in CBT since March (unfortunately, my city is psychodynamic and no DBT therapists available, finding CBT therapist was a miracle). CBT is helping me a lot more than psychodynamic one, but I still cannot make myself want to change the most important things. How do I do that? Because every time I even think of those things, it makes me feel rage so big I feel like killing myself and everyone involved. Now that I'm back on my happy little pills it's getting a little bit better, but it's still hard.

So, what's your story? How do you make yourself change even if you don't want to? What tips do you have, what helped you?",3.618037225042301,5.018057030456852,4.925908629441626,83.13816920473776,72.60406091370558,7.892927241962775,25.82368866328257,8.447377352677275,1.621096379018612,773,25,158,13,15,257,105,197,0.152,0.7909999999999999,0.057,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,5,0,1,14,8,3,0,8,0,20,1,0,7,1,29,33,14,1,5,4,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,3,3,3,27,4,16,27,4,23,1,0,0,0,9,12,1,3,10,115,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440607560602251,0.0,0.1338291044196899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708232408424386,0.11984001412544122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5806086080042457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500362068866354,0.0,0.09248565396747224,0.10488959276024654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100565391484613,0.07841945100377606,0.0,0.0,0.10032746008249778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735010504885285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337036406752187,0.09833203429700088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072882262953694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144384023203628,0.0,0.06032652207733528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362790023181887,0.22003602870134492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332222045162844,0.0,0.0,0.29308834177817605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466111156750902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876549453842866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503471842874164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064248126253065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080257851533756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532434869658278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255311470652735,0.2549020193956501,0.1458521392627677,0.07033595144286499,0.0,0.0,0.06400755840356476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722898574108274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942349287931905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068804764781203
bpd,gdgdbh,2019/06/14,"incapable of positive thinking the raptors won today. i was watching with my only friend and his girlfriend at their place. throughout pretty much any sports event if i'm not drunk or riding the confidence and excitement of others there's absolutely no satisfaction driven from anything. anyway, after they won we went downtown, cars honking people high fiving, a giant horde of people in the streets talking about this amazing historic moment, my friend trying to relate to me by expressing those feelings, i lie as best i can but i felt nothing. i used to drink in situations like these, i was much more successful at socializing then, but my medication has dangerous interactions with alcohol so i lost most of my friends after that, as they realized there is just nothing underneath all of that mysterious angst.

anyone else find that every thought they have is heavily skewed towards pessimism? i still struggle to find a single good quality that i believe i have. in the rare case i do have a positive thought, that thought is quickly dismissed and debunked. positive platitudes never work on me because i never believe in things like ""it gets better"" because that's what i've been told my whole fucking life as every caregiver i has consistently failed to address problems, and my life got markedly worse as a result.

 i struggle to find purpose when my depressive symptoms are getting treated by medication, the disorder is being treated by DBT yet i'm still empty and i still feel like nothing i'm doing matters because my mindset is still exactly the same as it's always been. i just can't buy into it. my skin crawls in reaction to all things ""wholesome"". anyone else like this?",7.897298478755029,9.054604132890374,7.719982514425597,67.93067844028678,62.48837209302327,10.190662703269805,40.094596957510056,10.186864033877496,4.5782850498338865,1368,73,203,29,19,437,181,301,0.124,0.6809999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.9729,0,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,4,9,14,25,2,2,10,0,20,10,1,2,5,38,41,17,0,2,7,0,4,4,4,0,6,0,1,0,17,9,3,0,11,3,1,4,5,8,0,1,15,5,33,17,37,25,10,35,0,3,1,1,15,15,1,3,20,155,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170517612027916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918703112985348,0.0,0.0,0.06471720218789441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308673720687292,0.1950208170359861,0.07831479060153111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403977828362302,0.0,0.0,0.21444249490428605,0.09987247968949653,0.08416797044831126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196767738523936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907026524120064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322797518301706,0.0,0.0,0.1590005644621797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036554261457606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623915255873644,0.06798772172914885,0.09137577897642518,0.0,0.26094426895003514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22057865537180127,0.08798087292782185,0.09944224126259472,0.0,0.0,0.07982203160918906,0.07611418904681454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005497490215573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443931988235402,0.18597624498564236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038866304553867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174260306560145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991820901444071,0.0,0.14679817368920547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27394751284579866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723792155053777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195440260811192,0.0,0.09942984167273833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681961881331876,0.0,0.09106249938027404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697232142127304,0.0,0.09701133961841857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30400373578115364,0.0,0.0,0.1989795873160776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891553071954004,0.0,0.0764920774257041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645019227845186,0.06097952782176666,0.0,0.2266572297927513,0.0,0.0,0.0902077163763114,0.09093667902015797,0.0,0.06461252423381272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219421350839362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822127877283438,0.0,0.1062511787501236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928311492897139,0.0,0.09698387096482744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gigirus,2019/06/14,"This ls probably my mania and anxiety talking, but I’m gonna drop out DBT and therapy for loads of reasons For one I hate my town of Winston-Salem, NC. I live in the suburbs and the nearest bus stop is 3 miles away from me at a high school. I would have to Uber myself to get there and the fare could range from $8-$13 (which is something I cannot afford to do every single time). So my only way is getting to the mental health place I seek treatment at is to get up crack dawn early with my mom (she gets ready for work around this time)  and ride with her. Which can be absolute hell! She’s manic trying to get to work on time and uses her mania and frustrations out on me to the point she will taunt me and bring up shit from 2003 that I’ve did while we are in the car. Idfk it’s so god damn annoying stfu!

Also money, although it’s not that expensive, paying for the DBT and therapy sessions add up every time and I just don’t have the money right now, fam. 

Lastly, I feel super depressed and agoraphobic. Since I’m broke, I gotta spend 12 hours in fucking downtown Winston where there isn’t absolutely nothing to do (unless you have money to go to these overpriced bland food restaurants where rich gentrifying ppl love to go to) and I just don’t feel like waking up at 6am and staying downtown from 7:30am-6pm. All cuz I don’t have money to ride the bus and Uber back home.

I also feel like my new mental health team aren’t the one for me. They’re passive aggressive, dismissive of my fear and trauma of 🚔, and judge my profession. Back when I was living in NYC, I could only afford to go to non-profit for my mental health needs and luckily they had LGBT people on staff or it was an LGBT place its damn self. I know I just started seeing them three weeks ago, but goddddddddddddd. 

I feel so guilty that I’m dropping out of this, but tbh all I care about is money and leaving North Carolina. I hate this fucking place and I wanna get out of here. I’m stagnated, miserable, and poor and it’s just too much commitment for me to get up and to go to these days. I’m not in the right headspace.",3.520151186288452,4.540051955916471,4.424833470548613,88.10188009879501,72.36426914153131,7.324631389866028,24.576079634757875,7.601502580125103,1.0238652945138829,1647,46,351,19,31,533,220,431,0.16,0.7490000000000001,0.092,-0.9876,3,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,1,1,2,4,21,22,11,2,13,0,28,9,2,3,3,59,62,36,0,5,11,1,4,2,0,4,3,1,1,1,16,31,1,1,6,1,10,8,8,16,0,3,4,6,42,6,63,51,4,65,1,3,1,3,14,35,6,1,20,219,58,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782616583983644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412071741064621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753979648200849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859471014451602,0.0,0.0,0.08294913609249928,0.13577547798364126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001512442759747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098097952570066,0.0,0.0,0.05693821849633721,0.0,0.07604200768503068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877227479069302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993481309165844,0.17856351703312093,0.12614540324029375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675775451841207,0.0,0.0,0.16324098544038793,0.3228865048314785,0.0,0.20070358239692446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433151582196055,0.0,0.2815368714661741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328073006009134,0.08855969297829551,0.0,0.08694553288784865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048520573378940834,0.0719662033066042,0.0,0.09348385408399162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626575438977874,0.0,0.1559191923263913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968303445330563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26691950139006043,0.0,0.0,0.1034014070237202,0.0,0.0,0.06490156769446176,0.06546416010593632,0.0,0.08526874470621193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471436360298193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965196808052235,0.13429344437390514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120752726736772,0.0,0.27672535171630824,0.0,0.08346034889934989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518899928458832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077438951784883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079430989685008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935179658046898,0.07035381170729803,0.0,0.09210325452380942,0.0,0.0906259850588966,0.07303244115751423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796813211074294,0.0,0.0,0.062490440025158585,0.09410286818931878,0.0,0.07381241323439343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096225396398509,0.0,0.0,0.20192920204201692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059249117889269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994150647022716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625216688640551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007861247354198,0.07081901260170867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854889453828633,0.0,0.0,0.06271700035734525,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,small_havoc,2019/06/14,"DAE have a Backup FP...? (more of a vent) Full disclosure; not diagnosed with BPD, but I don't think my therapist would tell me anyway. I tick all the boxes in red, permanent marker. Female, 30.

Serial monogamist. ALWAYS had another FP, which was fine when it was a female or LGBT friend. Every 3 years the relationship I'm in screams ""this has no future,"" and I end things. Granted, I have had legitimate reasons, but this time I have a BF, an FP, and now someone else is glittering in the periphery. All my stable friends have moved country, and I'm siiiiick with anxiety over this new person. Like, my god, I have toned up so much in the last week from the sheer abdominal cramping from the stress. 

There are genuine reasons my relationship hasn't been working - but NOW, NOW when I get this shimmering thing... Now is when it feels wrong and urgent. And I'm just so fucking tired of the pattern. I just want to love someone properly and appreciate that no one will be everything. I want to be seen and understood and appreciated back - and I had that. But it's not enough. Instead I'd prefer to fall back into feeling like I'm going to pass out waiting on a text back, in tears and shaking one minute, and then all calm the next.

Patterns anyone? I feel so fucking alone in this, and I don't want to go back to my therapist because I think she thinks I'm a drama queen.",3.2143478260869567,5.169882996254684,4.53814036801824,83.2027357107963,74.84269662921349,7.789545676599902,26.96450089561961,8.587818076936951,1.9953746621071489,1068,41,211,21,23,353,154,267,0.106,0.721,0.17300000000000001,0.9568,0,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,2,19,13,2,2,15,0,22,6,0,2,3,43,45,24,0,5,9,0,3,2,3,2,3,1,0,1,13,16,0,1,10,1,0,6,7,6,0,2,8,6,20,7,23,33,7,38,0,0,2,3,9,12,2,1,22,143,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195321514745094,0.0,0.0,0.09797721317810704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234708650998278,0.09007822582885436,0.0,0.0,0.08233335330575757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621691152441972,0.0,0.0717791462190431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830167060546515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951350353905085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836479520367616,0.0,0.10429131622003568,0.12166695389002358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920923117704587,0.0,0.10582587026874213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786134136825758,0.08412043500440504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819463080552811,0.21771546727922134,0.06151937717627641,0.0,0.13383977714995185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598175077747527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505314658875165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627373409579746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514933471841327,0.08655960449904143,0.0,0.0,0.11372342887996625,0.12522818019448406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159580537150349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281452775209586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24213267982361605,0.0,0.25283829994685325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953793858712274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348819248790323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291845938973733,0.0,0.0,0.2734330383673672,0.1564553850359944,0.22634782911975285,0.0,0.0,0.06866081804396286,0.13533599997237153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835553544421084,0.0,0.09445173575275023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572321028057821,0.0,0.0,0.0836460341274822,0.1287408517728996,0.0,0.07582696947801547
bpd,guiltypos,2019/06/14,"I'm a piece of shit for hating my family I'm writing this right now after my mom just sent me 10 texts this morning about how much she loves me and how she hopes that I'm doing well and that she wish she could see me and misses me so much (I moved US to Europe last year). I'm ignoring her. I am sitting here with immense guilt because everytime she keeps texting me I want to throw my phone and break it so I have a legitimate reason to not respond. I'm in public but I keep whispering ""fuck off"" and leaving her on read. 

I can't stand this. And I don't even have a reason why. I'm just an ungrateful piece of shit daughter who wants nothing to do with her family that loves and cares about her. All I want is for them to leave me alone forever. 

My mother is definitely a little BPD. And yet I'm trying so hard to abandon her. Something that kills all of us emotionally. I'm a major asshole. She makes me feel immense guilt. Always. She does legitimately try to guilt me (I would know because I use the same exact tactics). I regret everytime I tell her something that's going on in my life because she texts me constantly about it. I told her that I was going to Wales and she won't stop trying to talk to me. I should have said nothing. I'm a fucking asshole daughter. She keeps trying to buy tickets to come see me. I tell her no. She gets sad. I'm a fucking asshole. 

My brother once told me that she cries sometimes because I won't respond or she thinks I'm hurt because I won't respond. I'm a fucking piece of shit and I can't stop doing this. I've tried pretending to care about her. I TRY. but then she just ramps up her texting and calling and everything and does it more and more and more and it makes me feel worse and overwhelmed and anxious and angry and upset and guilty and I'm a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT for feeling this way.

I fantasize about them dying. My whole family. But then I don't want them to die because then I will have to pretend to be sad for a long time afterwards. I'm awful for feeling this way. I'm so guilty. I'm so fucking guilty. 

I want someone to tell me that it's ok that I feel this way and that I have a reason to. But I have no real reason. I'm in this endless cycle of guilt. I'll never get out. Not even when they die. If my mom knew how I feel, she'd be fucking crushed. Depressed. I guess I care about her enough to not want her to be completely depressed. But I'm a disappointment as the only daughter. All she wanted was a daughter who loves her. I'm an awful person. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. I'm about to break my phone to avoid her for a while.",1.0368107302533538,3.0515750291438977,2.8755866865375066,92.22476602086441,81.95081967213116,5.449922172545124,22.367974830269915,6.574015621080383,0.4488598178506379,2037,68,446,20,55,678,204,549,0.259,0.653,0.08800000000000001,-0.9990000000000001,0,2,2,0,0,0,55.0,2,0,4,0,26,42,16,7,18,3,29,16,4,10,5,89,103,45,4,14,13,8,7,0,0,6,1,2,0,1,27,27,0,8,13,4,1,6,13,33,1,0,7,11,91,9,53,85,17,40,0,10,2,11,66,10,12,4,17,292,118,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024803410986665,0.0,0.0,0.04840327066742079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571713211689817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276449880652806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326485077400625,0.0,0.059399510535998935,0.0,0.17792887917984818,0.0,0.0,0.050109516312305424,0.060991613518918075,0.06286262523393675,0.0,0.046445135067017765,0.0,0.06389855910916542,0.0,0.0,0.10020589527978452,0.0,0.18111820926492936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181238061313606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543500325710065,0.0,0.06010661366448549,0.0,0.07684333143809112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052280709729125706,0.0,0.16451647629000085,0.0,0.17647926751281684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302282275387228,0.060784318479061024,0.0,0.06612030235724208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408236315152799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211015467461997,0.1722966635505505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777733277214939,0.0,0.0,0.06227369436068001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551162581623679,0.06435804307329646,0.0,0.03196948399274293,0.04741746076783872,0.0,0.12319024152403063,0.0,0.0,0.041088185121744634,0.0,0.05830303202608472,0.0,0.05147986467859535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575058980374984,0.0,0.07765973180855093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362592977150049,0.0,0.06182699962297536,0.1282880323759259,0.0,0.044865375258922216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163406788331136,0.0,0.0,0.061950649982984274,0.0,0.04424197635415075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079302884723968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058187149043941185,0.06621179654762879,0.0,0.2392395794647741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967806376476605,0.05533432920850678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927101598589564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388484535035971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928844440744835,0.08956638226679035,0.057533008996692475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726780204896987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675597348103932,0.15253312127156554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0372738887695934,0.0,0.0,0.033920215244202086,0.0,0.0,0.11117054460574816,0.0,0.2369674014321373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994608041346535,0.05024141841128667,0.0,0.0,0.2401770212692177,0.13852126574490872,0.0,0.0,0.0523030810296472,0.0,0.052490646865570284,0.06494629853392582,0.06689424724383143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059281633491055225,0.04132329853849657,0.0,0.0,0.03746047890607649
bpd,Danteisbaeya,2019/06/14,"First Time Reaching Out (trigger warnings) Hi, 

I was first diagnosed with BPD when I was 17, but honestly thought They where crazy. My school system had a coupled come see me every week since I was around 7.  I kept thinking I was fine and the school stopped helping when I turned 18.

I had a boyfriend I had dated for 2 years I cut him off and instantly became obsessed with drugs, alcohol, and partying. I was unbelievably cruel to people and had little to no feeling most time. After every few years I would bounce back get back with my boyfriend and do good. Around the year mark of my relationship though I’d loose my mind again. 

I literally went a year partying pretty much every day and then trying to harm myself when daylight hit. I went by a totally different name and people would remark how I wasn’t scared of anything or hurting anyone. I tortured my FP daily sometimes just because he made me mad and manipulated others into helping me.

Then I got married. I was talking to my boyfriend who got deployed and we weren’t on clear ground as to how are relationship was. He didn’t trust me and I was struggling to finish college. I had made a close friend that semester and was invited over to his house for Christmas the whole time he was explaining to me that if my boyfriend wanted to be with me he would. I agreed and we started dating a few days later.

Around this time my shady dad kicked me out of my house and I had nowhere to go, but new boyfriends place. The house I moved into was a drug users paradise. His mom gave me pills to help my anxiety and drinking was constant. New boyfriend told me he was sterile when we had sex I ended up pregnant and got kicked out of his moms house. My family said I could move back in if I married him so I did.

As it turns out though my body doesn’t like children and I ended up loosening the baby and learning it would be hard to have a successful pregnancy. I stayed with him for three years. He wanted nothing to do with me, threatened me, psychically pushed me away if I had a panic attack, and cut people out of my life because I was just crazy.

I finally got on pills that stabilized my moods. I literally threw up when I finally felt like I had co tell of my body back. I knew most things that happened, but I felt like I had no control. I’ve been told that it wasn’t me and it’s not my fault. I’m successful now, when my original boyfriend learned about the BPD he came back and proposed to me, and I have a good group of friends. I just know what type of person I can become and wonder if I deserve it.

If only everyone around me knew that if I miss a dosage I could flip. I wouldn’t feel bad about hurting them I’d enjoy every second of it. I’m an overly gentle person when I’m normal and it sucks. I feel like my aggression has been cut off and it’s just waiting to bubble back up. 

I feel trapped here I live in a small town where everyone writes something off as a self diagnosed mental disorder. Everyone thanks I’m the same. I even had a manager tell me I needed to be demoted when he found out I was telling the truth “because  people like me can’t handle stress”

I just needed to vent the feeling of flipping constantly is eating me alive.",3.5732242990654237,5.093742079439256,4.415730841121498,86.2734280373832,72.90965732087227,7.441295950155764,27.32598130841121,8.043390162373402,1.6529227663551405,2533,93,513,37,50,816,289,642,0.147,0.6940000000000001,0.159,0.879,2,1,5,0,0,0,49.0,3,0,2,5,37,38,9,5,24,0,53,13,2,8,3,113,104,52,0,18,16,3,8,5,2,5,8,1,0,4,19,48,3,4,17,1,0,9,10,20,0,4,54,10,99,17,69,39,8,93,0,3,1,1,47,34,1,10,53,345,118,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222258843828686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044540369912091184,0.0,0.0,0.04071081527858704,0.0,0.047912497378371485,0.20732295004192636,0.0,0.06623697010475507,0.054702344364222215,0.26861896227330184,0.04861370128843636,0.10647644406245038,0.06430263426511518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934506426457307,0.14665944420127858,0.0,0.0,0.06659150295223193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050153885075304015,0.0,0.12583657211396926,0.06530194894147869,0.09297251851086606,0.06442254701780263,0.0,0.0750979258469603,0.0,0.0,0.1181900644276276,0.0,0.060830553103513374,0.06672850373841313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703629010865105,0.13504019157409472,0.059576576475645175,0.0,0.0,0.10313644080612644,0.0,0.0,0.03845568563992596,0.0,0.19622126500206152,0.16690346848986962,0.0,0.0,0.054887381692915696,0.0,0.14719627382164652,0.041594461455989766,0.11180625618806242,0.12756071293366514,0.0,0.09904876195544568,0.0,0.0638384201016909,0.0899657579881598,0.0,0.030419069547383205,0.0,0.03308942382222828,0.09766923593451546,0.1862647326335864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051486330641458536,0.0,0.05215629487458055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707677607495855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687257027851818,0.12465766744641955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031997790920505316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112456607454303,0.14222387434532313,0.05835465562176945,0.051411899830508916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101838581572602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867500322238995,0.0,0.058788545739005965,0.1363799465843532,0.0,0.1237634869319259,0.042800541067013725,0.08634310610869217,0.0,0.1124641064669493,0.0,0.0,0.05704609390838141,0.05586645634547227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428114978682195,0.0,0.06831204485139983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145775071260002,0.10167600563350386,0.060830553103513374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923363514014642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501924082045762,0.0,0.0,0.055383324208239694,0.0,0.05829129406881815,0.11784939485460713,0.046396124379844736,0.0,0.06073919733665095,0.0,0.0,0.04816259619031032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044822843777043424,0.0575839507863689,0.0,0.041210478261233,0.062057879609654025,0.0,0.04867696322478245,0.06669415136995932,0.060867231351855386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679737289693507,0.15266817956797682,0.05360383679448967,0.0,0.0,0.038680717010800815,0.03730689240759594,0.1144074349497506,0.04622249022107381,0.1358009976775221,0.0,0.0,0.1112689789932464,0.0,0.03952953681142822,0.12665962278818582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868276646233472,0.0,0.04670290972714742,0.0,0.0,0.10794644933488128,0.0,0.06500380431604769,0.0,0.0,0.06314026670221874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543955067658747,0.0,0.0,0.18746823878839108
bpd,existentiallunatic,2019/06/14,"How do you come out with BPD? Hi Redditors. I was diagnosed with BPD for about a year ago, and I still haven't told my distant father about it. I wake up with cold sweats just dreaming about all the possible scenarios. I need advice- how do you just randomly confront someone you rarely talk to yet is so significant in your life? 

Thank you in advance .",2.1448529411764703,4.843022308823528,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,83.26470588235293,6.9294117647058835,26.14705882352941,8.07648339933343,1.8975235294117656,279,12,55,6,8,88,53,68,0.026000000000000002,0.895,0.079,0.5463,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,1,10,2,1,0,2,0,5,4,2,2,1,13,9,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,10,1,12,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416341298551168,0.2191942423314188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6228680559778754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130053953683267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097877626245113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465754533086514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833511743546607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787652492061363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095151851529677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747402140018724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875016464116366,0.0,0.2276574672635233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362817240090231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923690163651028
bpd,lookatmeimteenied,2019/06/14,"I’ve made an absolute fool of myself tonight. Gonna beg for help wo getting committed tmr at 830am EST. Help me from chickening out. I’ve been on a pretty manageable thing for a while. Really, years.

I stopped going to therapy and went off all meds bc of economic restraints, but bc of my amazing support network I more than survived. I actually did really well for a few years. I started my career, made friends, met my husband, and met a lot of my real personal goals. I got back on meds that have def got me back to whatever I was at before all the trauma. 

I need more help and I really believe I have a chance at a pathway to help if I’m capable of being honest tmr. I’m pretty sure I Gabe most of my bases covered if I end up in a hold- secretary knows I’m iffy for the week, my husband won’t leave me and he’ll tell her I’m super sick or something and my work bff will see what’s up and cover for me. I’m SURE I can get the hell I need if I can express myself clearly. 

I just want to be perfect and be this perfect person who didn’t live up to the stereotypes. 

But like. Fuck all of this im so tired of this and exhausted 

I’m mostly doing well but I’m way too self obsessed and need to get help befo",1.5869427869427852,3.0713947722007764,3.853873288873292,88.40073973323976,78.11196911196913,7.025693225693227,24.9001404001404,7.84624498591911,1.2905814671814675,942,34,208,15,22,326,143,259,0.11,0.593,0.297,0.9959,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,7,18,2,1,12,0,14,4,0,2,9,40,43,18,0,7,8,2,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,3,7,10,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,6,2,0,11,1,29,12,32,25,9,24,1,0,1,1,18,11,2,7,11,127,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.1132986159500026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855024641537448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879408663361727,0.13080697870388674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283174034602864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969996824752323,0.10733424992612263,0.1819752070256716,0.0,0.06598333260468597,0.0,0.18571444265567127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891029702592805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540987495703249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380651691809135,0.0,0.0,0.12293505005791015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056721478474039876,0.0,0.10252002285021426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870560465009492,0.0,0.21971667441287135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25792586906304965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582640567768523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027512396007512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362345545715639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321492745254354,0.2231333719663787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251810859478177,0.0,0.12111950578340434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938084341141511,0.0,0.0,0.08217745671601735,0.0,0.0,0.09706630952241817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317509549533371,0.2188491585741031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147809689590996,0.0,0.13277253491755722,0.0,0.0771328817819086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344194812219135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684798539866056,0.09215621046906583,0.09312986659087352,0.0,0.2087789358967476,0.10762753845797708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845234984147889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953151459203745
bpd,lachrawr,2019/06/14,"I can’t stop overanalysing emotions with my boyfriend like if he says hi in a different tone or doesn’t give me an extra exclamation point when saying goodnight, my brain automatically goes into the frenzy, almost like a blackout, where i panic and cannot think of anything else except how much he dislikes me or hates me or doesn’t love me.. wow he’s using me just for sex or has a placement until he finds someone better than me. 
like, brain, please show me the path between one less “!” and him not loving me. 
it’s a topic that’s brought up a lot in our relationship because i constantly ask for assurance that he still loves me or if he’s okay. and it’s starting to get on his nerves now and it’s obvious. but it’s almost like i HAVE to say it. i have to ask if he still loves me or else i’ll explode. and at first it was kind of cute but now it’s just plain annoying.
he tells me all the time it’s starting to get annoying, the constant need for validation, but im scared because i need it.",2.932936893203884,4.278840194174759,4.3244538834951465,86.99017597087378,74.24271844660194,7.0917475728155335,25.98179611650485,7.645422480735847,1.25017572815534,784,27,168,10,16,260,116,206,0.111,0.741,0.149,0.7952,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,2,9,19,3,2,10,1,8,7,2,2,3,36,25,20,0,5,16,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,11,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,5,0,2,2,3,22,14,20,23,5,22,0,0,0,5,24,8,0,12,17,105,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539882254979655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672547059884448,0.0,0.21976821570824664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330268333819154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395464877618377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624272037557301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540381387375472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280436624414835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637930849278884,0.13221676929541573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742950350500853,0.09997953181937684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281968079909868,0.1127551548974788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604649438938215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696345614629284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239990554083215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296965832159239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992837255981094,0.4243380443067146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086405482976575,0.1743089596306298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964820002319829,0.0,0.0,0.13790795820223228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902371097995013,0.11111336770771346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619405754173654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28041776747413866,0.11767812489706014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959132816948946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639094689397704,0.0,0.1877353190973352,0.09826876979627314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027352105204426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531493706554576,0.0,0.0,0.06853856575466498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151688999020116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,exausta,2019/06/14,"How to cope with fear of abandonment? I hate this. My bf or friends go to sleep or do their things, live their lives, and I just get super worried, anxious and scared and clingy, I fear they're not there anymore and that they hate me. How can I live like this? Even if my bf goes to sleep earlier than me I get this feeling in my gut that I'm alone in the world.",1.1361038961038936,2.814357935064937,1.8792207792207805,101.18168831168829,80.03896103896105,5.43896103896104,20.090909090909093,6.1826913282559595,-0.3268389610389608,279,7,70,2,7,86,50,77,0.281,0.601,0.11699999999999999,-0.9386,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,5,9,2,3,1,0,2,3,3,2,0,14,9,9,0,1,5,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,1,13,3,8,9,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,1,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320202958119348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107402090512503,0.18500028144421748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320972636672475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198249091203533,0.09432161886063034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412246511329518,0.0,0.1949217741353822,0.0,0.10601654311778848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683446890823713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113536450750144,0.0,0.4941619948807129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676183436252985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733549358205014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123930713476122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944321657740956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunnytilt,2019/06/14,"DAE anyone else think they’re really good at reading people’s moods but then realize that they’re just overreacting? I used to think I was really good at reading people and would notice when their mood changed the slightest. Sometimes this would give me major anxiety cause I thought the person was upset with me in some way. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m slowly realizing that I’m just misreading people and looking way into their reactions and reacting brashly.",6.822131782945736,8.457555941860466,6.876744186046512,71.28899224806204,65.16279069767441,9.919379844961243,32.93798449612403,10.125756701596842,3.678161240310079,385,16,60,9,6,123,59,86,0.064,0.86,0.075,0.2349,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,20,14,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,7,2,7,9,2,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,3,35,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512416701938215,0.0,0.0,0.12350627114360074,0.18098192511890046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145129130430346,0.18685485402036286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755464923545664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694429770435617,0.0,0.29630364936615056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832767894890145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109844467864527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673663484989481,0.15422958536493409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533626591792573,0.0,0.22631192461738026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746950777250039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339538901715967,0.0,0.14022729270123602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255465770752138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804069490758361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509507837648892,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somernic,2019/06/14,"i've just been diagnosed 17f. i couldn't believe it when i was told, but it explains so many things. i feel like a psycho now and everyone is going to view me as one. not calling y'all psychos but yknow what i mean lol

​

i'm hoping for some advice or support maybe? i don't know how to react to this",1.4113636363636353,3.1579855909090924,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,79.45454545454545,5.612121212121212,23.12121212121212,6.42735559955562,0.4967757575757581,243,8,53,2,6,81,55,66,0.0,0.782,0.218,0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,2,0,15,14,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,7,3,5,10,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22856454687529415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343074513236,0.284214317911103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635254035807766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388382333379529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740375710227196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235016436437076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826695790697984,0.1670983338932734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293086138482774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323156531385229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285454208065433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427181221276494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713806839974344,0.23498416711412964,0.2547858640206066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584968139918711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26542715014332197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539288501525353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235016436437076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284214317911103,0.0
bpd,ScaredyWitch,2019/06/14,"Trying to Get Back Into Dating... CW:Self-harm&substance abuse Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19, so about 8 years ago now. I've had 3 serious nervous breakdowns, issues with drugs, problems regulating my emotions, and an on-again-off-again relationship with self-harm. I have a lot of scars now and some of them are fresh.

I've been clean from drugs for about 5 years. I don't really want to get into it, but let's just say it wasn't easy. But hey, we're here. So, that's good. I have a career and make good money. I live in a nice apartment and am generally a functioning member of society these days. It's been two years since I've been in crisis requiring intervention...and there are a lot of days where I want to start dating again. 

My last relationship was in college, so it's been a little while and I've changed a lot. I'm not a drug addict, for one, which had a huge impact on my inhibitions. I was a very charming addict and the drugs did wonders for my confidence. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I've changed, but I'm just different with women than I used to be. I feel weak and uninteresting. (I'm also a woman, just for the record.)

Then, there's the other issue. I've been engaging in self-harm again. I'm not sure why. Probably boredom, but still. It's not a lot, but it's noticeable. It would definitely come up if we ended up sleeping together and I don't talk about it with anyone in my life. Ever. Not even my dearest friends. It is not a topic. 

I met a nice woman recently and we had a nice date...but I felt really awful the next day. Like, I got really anxious and I've gone back and forth about whether I want to go to pride with her this weekend. She invited me and I said yes, but will I go? I don't know. I'm scared to be not only perceived, but interpreted. I hate being known, but I also hate being alone. 

I've come a long way from where I was. I've built better coping mechanisms and I've mostly conquered my moderate agoraphobia (yeah, that was a thing for a while), but sometimes I feel like I'm not ready...but then I also think: You should take a risk! You'll never be ready; you just have to try...but then I also think: If you start dating this lovely person, you're just going to hurt her like you always do because you're difficult.

​

So, tl;dr: Advice on dating with BPD? When do I ""come out"" so to speak? Do I? How do I overcome my fear of hurting the other person? Should I give up entirely?",1.0154223393353805,3.2131141581027687,3.1759068950373326,88.9825720977895,83.30830039525692,6.277792416922853,19.844678670765628,7.526774132740827,0.6308168350168349,1908,53,409,32,54,648,230,506,0.146,0.693,0.162,0.9371,1,1,4,0,1,0,104.0,2,5,1,4,36,29,2,4,25,3,42,11,1,3,3,83,81,42,0,9,24,0,3,3,1,5,9,3,1,5,18,28,0,1,10,1,1,7,13,13,0,2,21,6,49,16,47,49,6,62,0,2,0,1,28,18,0,9,39,258,67,3,0.0,0.08753995650818859,0.0,0.16108800781400587,0.0,0.07219817576665599,0.06549333260318667,0.0,0.0,0.07652110303485453,0.0,0.23633867743093695,0.06147705425892205,0.16010564833332425,0.08977663229259145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346741121381697,0.0,0.05166111450114272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362381938899865,0.0,0.045038742413968186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534401924513411,0.0,0.0,0.18610755612996327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631805444788435,0.19093247692206566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294638363649076,0.0,0.0,0.07499027481408156,0.0,0.07719261202566408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34272596858726845,0.0,0.0,0.08310907899819145,0.06543891888758255,0.0,0.0,0.048799405402944716,0.06683192477296337,0.0,0.07059892346615336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313956431264148,0.07471551236696887,0.05278244174641924,0.07093981984086735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708226785442221,0.0,0.11580335771846985,0.07087585883217308,0.12596921735606456,0.12394007701206736,0.05909144544428795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588947107187775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818779327620394,0.0,0.0,0.15423051642222724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040604481369777734,0.060224975879714884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755509626396373,0.052186155011841207,0.10828735028376296,0.07405075346984341,0.06524055157554642,0.06538464013792668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512526982315847,0.06668281231299074,0.0,0.04931786096575797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698356890159779,0.0,0.07857602169769233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411694143422041,0.0,0.0,0.050065423494062455,0.05619178917751845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290245781890316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965899161728385,0.07069660442470642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199513282655973,0.0,0.07295111831893596,0.15864662180491115,0.0,0.0,0.07028020032997688,0.05875518542692835,0.07397034907559122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123005079930206,0.0,0.0,0.061117257894086514,0.0,0.0739369342403458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307274626277198,0.0,0.10459035131237993,0.0,0.059003519556395975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963439638556844,0.0,0.055551254532078806,0.059384820054263085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908496518202458,0.09468322494461807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016209853371442,0.0,0.07217351844421592,0.0,0.0,0.06381168799394397,0.0,0.060961688248261224,0.13073534286350466,0.058645343952939175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666843585040184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012358694893773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248477285479595,0.08078009236081135,0.08977663229259145,0.1427358025099826
bpd,Ancient_Copy,2019/06/14,"BPD make a friend discord server!  Hi guys! I have BPD, and a lot of my friends that I know have BPD. I'm currently hosting a BPD discord server where people can come and talk to others. It's a brand new server, and I'd like it to build it with people who would just like to talk about everyday problems. This server is not a safespace to ALL your triggers though. Please be aware that there are channels that you can look in instead, or other bpd discord servers that will help you that are more classified as a safespace. We would be happy to have you! 

​

 [https://discord.gg/eMMRRM2](https://discord.gg/eMMRRM2)",5.819007936507938,8.070981535714289,4.856190476190476,82.41103174603178,68.46428571428571,6.406349206349208,27.62301587301588,6.937597516519254,1.296157539682539,500,17,88,4,9,148,71,112,0.08900000000000001,0.74,0.172,0.8772,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,4,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,2,1,17,18,6,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,10,13,3,6,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,2,5,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634606153668294,0.1529076626408322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7924465053134577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839880424276407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944451675890696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245999901023538,0.0,0.1339575208282162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434695545564995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915759903714153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229567591077606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567272377234084,0.0,0.0,0.1069834706362792,0.0,0.0,0.08399823711522637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153569601780567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448126986268214,0.0,0.0,0.13813298507133606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041053738788375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228858666138932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363577743194015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878425012215818,0.0,0.1529076626408322,0.0
bpd,mole_man_cole,2019/06/14,I'm new here So I really have a hard time communicating and a little over a month ago I took some LSD at my friends place with all of my only friends there and I had a really bad trip.  To make things short I havent been allowed back and they say they miss me but I know that I freak them out with my neurotisism.  They were the only people I had to talk about my issues with and now I have no one.  I really stuggle with relationships I havent been with anyone romantically in over 3 years.  I'm just sick of being lonely.  I feel like I come off as creepy but I really only have good intentions.  I could care less about sex ( most of the time lmao) I just don't want to be alone.  I just drive myself crazy and I feel like being a male with this disorder has really fucked up perception of my sexuality and masculinity I just wanna be held but no girl wants to hold theyre boyfriends hand while they cry about nonsense.  I'm just frustrated thanks for listening.,1.9190682062298592,4.040465831632659,3.604586466165415,87.59304511278198,79.45918367346937,7.391621911922664,18.98925886143931,8.371475516178862,0.8015346938775512,757,17,165,16,19,252,116,196,0.23399999999999999,0.627,0.139,-0.9651,1,3,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,13,13,2,0,7,0,17,4,1,3,1,38,34,12,0,4,8,0,4,2,2,0,1,2,0,2,3,14,0,2,4,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,7,6,30,7,27,22,4,23,0,2,0,2,13,10,1,2,11,111,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879244600434112,0.0,0.0,0.15047852413498347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159142977538403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172045337904048,0.12131261402577072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813470976303364,0.0,0.0,0.12515605149942524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600370835984225,0.0,0.1595962592167723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651703128930134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469278353952828,0.2075930330127136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450422381127386,0.13431996096996832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186389852128154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301529466269896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164692854219522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984859323064777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196450396841487,0.1456205889785724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969834285875526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159705571484191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403237603595461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845350810152194,0.3315029646169235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007270649762572,0.0,0.15179904459107735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653883520288322,0.0,0.0,0.15598905766772642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554189939335174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678007403678907,0.0,0.1337652018053014,0.0,0.0,0.09652543971358804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694416756895504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142457552287912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139377824023652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935631786573583
bpd,Arianne_of_Dorne01,2019/09/08,"Perspective and advice on someone starting my BPD awareness journey I’m a 36 year old, divorced white female, with no children. I have dealt with my mental conditions off and on for years since I was 18. For the past four years, I have been in treatment and on medication for my depression, anxiety, mania (likely Bipolar II or cyclothymia) and ADD/ADHD. I have always suspected that I have BPD as well - my father definitely has it too. I plan on calling tomorrow to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist soon. 

I think at this point, I need a good therapist who is a BPD expert and start going to a support group too. I had a therapist when I was working through my divorce, but I haven’t seen him for several years (he was great but BPD is not his area of expertise). I was doing well handling things in my life until I switched jobs last summer and ended up doing something new that I did not study in college. I was not supported enough by my manager, and I was socially isolated by my toxic co-workers. I eventually was moved onto a performance improvement plan (which luckily I got off). I left that job not quite three months ago but stayed within my company in another role. Work is happier, although my finances took a hit (I knew this would happen). I have not quite recovered from the depth of that depression; it was as bad as prior to when I asked for my ex-husband for a divorce. 

Luckily, I do have a very strong support system in my parents, a few friends, and most importantly, my wonderful boyfriend. We’ve been dating since right before Christmas (before the depression got much worse). He has been so wonderful and we have a great relationship. We fully accept each other and support the other fully. We want to get married someday, and have children. Currently we live five minutes from one another and are planning to move in together next spring.

I am always trying to improve myself. I’m not religious, more spiritual and lean towards Buddhism without beliefs. Friendships have always been difficult for me. I can be fairly social inept and shy. I’m an ambivert - 60% extrovert, 40% introvert. I’m a hard worker, and fairly smart. I love my company and feel a purpose when I go to work everyday. I’m well-liked there, and they have been good to me for the most part.

I think the most damaging thing I have gotten past was my marriage to a man who has Asperger’s. He was controlling (financial abuse) and basically tried to make me into the person he wanted to be. He would not accept my mental issues, did not want me to seek treatment. I became someone else slowly over time. When I reached the point of where I couldn’t suffer any more, I gave him an ultimatum: counseling or divorce. I was not perfect, but I was always more committed to him and the marriage that he ever was. We split amicably and have little to no contact (he lives in Europe, I am in the US). 

I would love to hear from people who have figured things out more to where they are not suffering as much. It would be so easy if life were simple, but it isn’t. I know that I have a hard road ahead of me, but I need to put some serious work in on myself so that I can eventually reach my goals (I have many).",5.029652490610417,6.257029729200653,6.043176903524415,77.12717591714406,69.0,9.291232596077242,31.54782047877385,9.589985622208136,3.0496487651276607,2516,106,457,55,43,835,297,613,0.085,0.7390000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9968,4,0,1,0,5,0,87.0,6,0,2,16,16,28,0,0,28,0,62,6,0,3,3,82,103,42,0,11,20,2,3,1,1,4,4,1,0,4,22,30,0,1,12,0,1,7,16,9,2,4,29,7,79,19,69,65,14,74,1,6,3,2,47,34,0,9,32,336,101,11,0.0,0.07730191319254227,0.0,0.0,0.07840902882559657,0.06375439671656558,0.05783370375684683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171485616953382,0.0,0.0,0.04436726308441434,0.13682528772770688,0.049910475467509874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099310338385456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544749168076103,0.0,0.0,0.11103343921196568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32868351144517377,0.0,0.06662007598063499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317521895433292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858028703454528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054501891580407816,0.0,0.05778565387782135,0.06741313410048885,0.0,0.0,0.05901574381987354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03298866187229305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040633660930862,0.0,0.034086610133361256,0.0,0.07415784283664127,0.10944493756251336,0.10436107049536653,0.14386058113529318,0.0,0.0,0.05769389090087084,0.0,0.1168892616272277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353324771777953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809641258501622,0.12948659555293845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035855673446458146,0.05318149612104492,0.0,0.0,0.07088636817784534,0.0,0.09216567577802144,0.03187428036819905,0.0653903102640076,0.11522097235802756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776814096020763,0.0,0.08709999774469337,0.06614584237163464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572514128471743,0.1314985625250575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052076088735919165,0.1386852980898234,0.09592176082675208,0.09675324851885933,0.0,0.06301179175063741,0.06938633568686035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846122293345784,0.0,0.04421013186731323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244428076971879,0.07065147002949301,0.1245630504412672,0.04523106297660631,0.05696739603668832,0.0,0.0,0.1233508512972926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558691860125831,0.0,0.13878725281115076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004622732424001,0.0,0.05571689653189642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051989972966505545,0.0,0.0,0.07370566348697198,0.0,0.10793884650497766,0.0,0.0,0.13301340235709222,0.1105598306033682,0.050227006401912466,0.0,0.0,0.0923582165267675,0.06954002142183595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961465032250617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150357178848467,0.13003302271020306,0.08360975636050462,0.0,0.0,0.03804353430620795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248702365315947,0.08859100098013474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847891696587972,0.0,0.0,0.05383204791285342,0.11544547802335894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759830275085182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289162017404364,0.14150581768732154,0.23748725867636264,0.0,0.06648786987961396,0.18538612615244893,0.0,0.0,0.16805660036416128
bpd,kpere074,2019/09/08,Birthday feels My birthday is coming up and I’m celebrating because people expect me to but it’s just an awful reminder that another year has gone by where I’ve been too much of a little bitch to do anything about it,2.91,5.0288472727272815,4.522727272727273,82.22909090909094,76.27272727272728,6.218181818181819,26.90909090909091,7.1686216300943375,1.5289727272727274,176,7,32,2,4,59,40,44,0.182,0.769,0.049,-0.8131,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,6,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44365342379587536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481722540432681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579156139505145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644600505332528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393023218358773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42405370401171744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110245066102654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933217431478455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724601840101129
bpd,MagkAutumn,2019/09/08,"Fuck off with your fake ass support community <a class=""embedly-card"" href=""[https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/d17yzf/anyone\_want\_to\_up\_and\_move\_far\_away\_with\_a\_total/ezl7v4c](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/d17yzf/anyone_want_to_up_and_move_far_away_with_a_total/ezl7v4c)"">Card</a>

<script async src=""[//embed.redditmedia.com/widgets/platform.js](//embed.redditmedia.com/widgets/platform.js)"" charset=""UTF-8""></script>

Eat a dick bitch. I am so sick of all of your oppressive bullshit and unwillingness to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OPPRESSIVE LANGUAGE. You want to sit here and pretend to be a supportive space while making excuses for language that hurts people. This was never a supportive space. It can never be a supportive space as long as you sit here and make these excuses and stand on your high horses like your words don't fucking matter and have meaning. THEY FUCKING DO.

​

Ban me, I don't give a fuck! I don't want to be part of your shit community anyways. I'm just going to delete the whole fucking account because there is nothing here for me and I was stupid to think I would find acceptance in the heartland of fucking bigotry; reddit.",14.429112050739965,17.312610790697676,9.443065539112053,55.2106025369979,48.65116279069768,11.138266384778014,41.21775898520085,11.022393298168332,5.1194000000000015,1024,44,121,21,11,276,109,172,0.26,0.63,0.109,-0.985,0,0,0,0,0,0,101.0,0,8,1,0,7,17,9,0,7,0,14,11,3,2,3,23,34,10,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,4,1,1,1,5,11,0,0,2,0,16,6,19,28,3,15,0,1,0,8,12,7,10,0,5,79,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985741346891407,0.13441618142212836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674333132881399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786456385138702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319252764754335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110525773123304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6136019757567919,0.0,0.10611739442604057,0.06286825699643887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168767759936731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842167932119588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404365534684539,0.0,0.0,0.0978957823050954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768026774093362,0.0,0.0,0.12049830273751205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063490888351351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061434842104472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197913694651245,0.0,0.0766904209363107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355049374196816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021239497044987,0.0,0.0,0.08317295176627967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088123722612744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049383502047554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350399020070656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858172633338606,0.0,0.13441618142212836,0.0
bpd,lady_azkadelia,2019/09/08,Only another hour to wait. Then everyone goes to bed & I can take an OD without any chance of them finding me for at least 9 hours.,3.0642857142857127,3.925265428571429,4.620000000000001,86.875,73.28571428571428,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.0147285714285714,104,4,23,2,2,35,27,28,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353882947608281,0.0,0.21049896570150908,0.3245814542773917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29578035253282264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28291549934562005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6096724298503159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354204058131941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273683000302675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29838714578224484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leo_99,2019/09/08,"DAE have angry music that helps them vent and eventually calm down? ""Anger Management"" by Rico Nasty really helps me let out my rage. The concept of her album is that it's supposed to mimic a temper tantrum- it starts off super intense and rage-y and then slowly evolves into more introspective and slow music. It's a very short EP that I can listen to as I'm having an episode and it'll help me get my rage out and then calm down with the music. I guess if you're not into trap or rap music it may not be for you, which is fine, but does anyone else have music that they feel really connects with their intense emotions? Or that helps them get through an episode? I'd love to hear it!!",4.6578337330135895,5.2106616258992835,5.204556354916068,85.25673061550759,69.43165467625899,7.616626698641088,25.51638689048761,7.3871296695380915,1.0983902478017589,542,14,111,5,9,174,90,139,0.10099999999999999,0.721,0.179,0.8691,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,4,1,0,10,5,0,6,0,10,1,0,0,0,21,19,13,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,12,12,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,12,5,17,15,1,12,0,0,0,1,13,8,0,5,4,71,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646421114072273,0.2292773790533576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582141374185555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692995569373552,0.2517095616238864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314412992594375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338197202780894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24650634574459876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522034802704393,0.0,0.5999495150077054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288185588809082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019599020645632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28670379592163564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838456999084485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463253365081536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oncetwicer,2019/09/08,"After burning some bridges, I think I have BDP I went through a breakup a month ago and have been taking it really bad. I really miss him and I didn’t see it coming. We have mutual friends and I got really really unreasonably jealous about how they’re hanging out with him to help him out a lot more than they are with me. This friend, she knows the entire situation. She knows if I even just see him or something that reminds me of him I just fall apart and have a panic attack. She was hanging out with him yesterday and in her social I saw a glimpse of his favorite jacket. I knew immediately it was him because it was so worn down and such a Bright color that nobody would wear. I went from crying my eyes out devastated, to feeling betrayed, to feeling nothing but anger. I sent her some stuff I shouldn’t have and now I think I’ve burnt a bridge with a friend. And I realized I have these moments a lot. I used to have these with my ex. And it just makes sense. Something would happen, and id just get so upset by it, so hurt that I’d turn the tables and hurt him back. And I wonder if that was it. If this is what caused it all to end. Something I didn’t know I might have. 

I’ve apologized but I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me. I’ve just missed hanging out with my friends, the ones who said they’d support me bc he hasn’t been talking to them. I got jealous that they’re helping him, the one who ended it all instead of me, the one suffering from the end",2.1555957767722447,3.7827233529411792,3.4993464052287595,90.9362895927602,76.90849673202614,6.407038712921066,23.53393665158371,7.1686216300943375,0.7264428355957766,1150,36,254,13,26,376,149,306,0.151,0.733,0.11599999999999999,-0.9324,0,0,3,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,3,0,16,19,4,2,15,0,26,2,2,4,3,64,56,23,0,7,12,1,2,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,22,25,0,0,12,0,0,8,5,12,0,3,17,9,50,7,29,33,7,27,0,5,6,0,36,8,0,11,11,184,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692127723887672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438742242155612,0.0,0.0840739451041873,0.0912924155207694,0.06665124931789118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231994011987008,0.0,0.09418475028488904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010233337221532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905222568903367,0.0,0.0,0.07221652208183726,0.09890221266604116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105688564061766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33789615450859395,0.0,0.057124437417305975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748946996193357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668697025704168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657351605262467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340965462976469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403565700237125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591001140423244,0.0,0.0,0.07298376621711304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599002509380205,0.0,0.0,0.08727231192231619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491247552008448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227017305485372,0.0,0.0,0.12828423712577633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280178130877086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400519426696653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425598764048855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229001599888922,0.0,0.11145601966406786,0.0,0.252520518113053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516551187922606,0.0,0.12407513040785499,0.0,0.0,0.08220834591045142,0.08788150456677156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011837129023644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892802447479404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443267058364377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271429340879624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857207558977365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534073526231398,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PM_ME_ZENOS_EROTICA,2019/09/08,"Sudden wave of insecurity in new relationship I really really don’t know how to start this, I’ve never posted here before but i just feel like i need to vent about this to people who might understand, and hopefully get some input. 

I’ve been avoiding relationships like the plague for a few years, but a while ago I met this guy. We got along great from the start and eventually started dating a few weeks ago, it’s been great and I’ve been happier than I was in a long time. 

Everything went so well until last night, I don’t know what triggered it but I’ve been hit by a really bad wave of insecurity and self hate. I just started crying out of nowhere while we were on the phone and I haven’t really been able to stop since, suddenly I’m not feeling like I’m enough anymore and wanting him to find someone better, while at the same time I’m so terrified he will notice how I’m feeling and leave me. He knew about my BPD from the start but this is the first time I’m actually experiencing symptoms because of him and I’m so scared he will hate me when faced with it. I haven’t told him anything about it, i just hung up and told him my battery died. Right now I’m starring at my text messages, willing him to write me to show me he cares, to prove my stupid thoughts wrong and make me feel like maybe I’m enough after all. I want so bad to go to him for validation, he’s told me I should if I ever feel like this, but what if he didn’t mean it ? What if he realizes it’s not worth it.",3.372619117217192,4.245451180064311,4.682667348728447,86.66858447822277,72.56913183279742,8.098275358082432,24.747296112247877,8.438071523408619,1.2816868167202573,1171,33,263,19,22,389,155,311,0.191,0.674,0.135,-0.9677,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,2,17,21,3,4,11,0,18,2,1,4,4,60,59,29,1,8,13,0,5,5,0,5,1,0,0,2,16,15,0,2,14,1,1,2,8,10,1,1,16,6,31,11,34,37,7,41,0,0,0,0,27,8,0,6,35,156,47,0,0.09226129305174703,0.0,0.090033713166981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356813912498766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149841135834604,0.0,0.0,0.07592318300995146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406865188284696,0.056241627905983096,0.0,0.07850756502171345,0.0,0.0,0.08159761616981695,0.0,0.0,0.11619986883900042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406653715910812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134469816077844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575265600807643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066115744134385,0.0,0.0,0.08345562162401621,0.0,0.0,0.08291850115239191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233250409543224,0.26364594476338443,0.0,0.0,0.0843251503950442,0.07847740873811264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820271767509597,0.0,0.05243421900364057,0.0,0.07378978428300059,0.20343680260105612,0.0,0.09135318542105997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821778519482049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163628150557852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140878763995924,0.0752052677879223,0.0,0.09769138786273124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253710374358141,0.0,0.0,0.08164834105721834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158512953272281,0.0,0.09268886963111674,0.10049959545822276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787465199666052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841057975927102,0.07115759692980836,0.0891065317458837,0.0,0.08658097357767014,0.0,0.0,0.10504009364314702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396236382191535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836081536659954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23641978725750715,0.0,0.0,0.19810820182505412,0.0,0.07879064015905124,0.0,0.0,0.0923696494575045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624865009332244,0.0,0.0,0.07631949501430077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781726942035329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265150904414791,0.0,0.0,0.07713457217849264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589480969893943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324516099664766,0.16139490577241564,0.0,0.0,0.26447885784539216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960472598361254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883620209919513,0.0,0.0740064441707041,0.0,0.08295398258938241,0.08552714298531112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008732405316602,0.0,0.05941324782001198
bpd,drugs_are_good_,2019/09/08,"My partner of 3 years has BPD My[M31] partner [F27] has BPD. She was diagnosed around a year ago, purely through my determination to help her address her issues.

It would an an understatement to say it’s been the most confusing and emotionally draining 3 years of my life.

We haven’t lived together for over 6 months after her moving in with me within a week of us meeting.

This sub has benefited my mental health drastically.

The point if my post is.

I really love this girl. I was talking to my parents about asking her to marry me not long ago.

We live separately and spend a few nights a month together. 

I feel that this relationship has been the biggest challenge of my life.. She has attempted suicide multiple times and I don’t have a doubt in my mind that if she had succeeded I would have been right behind her...

I know in every fibre of my being that I could never allow myself to end my life, but sometimes.....
It would be nice.

I could never imagine what she feels and experiences while going through episodes and I wish I wasn’t utterly fucking helpless to her.

I have completely forgotten the reason I began this post....

I wish peace and joy to everybody!)",4.703195548489667,6.406396738738742,5.661499735029151,77.73164546899844,70.35135135135134,8.827133015368311,29.275039745627986,9.325443323948027,2.66559745627981,924,36,169,20,17,304,130,222,0.066,0.7979999999999999,0.135,0.9485,1,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,3,0,0,3,2,10,1,2,11,0,25,7,0,2,3,34,35,10,1,9,4,1,2,0,2,3,5,1,1,3,11,10,0,0,5,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,8,3,39,6,25,20,2,30,0,1,0,2,24,9,1,5,17,126,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967504542739865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528367119453368,0.11056469577442282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979090293233415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240018384554727,0.0,0.0,0.188854886871834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003961818161173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303567876104058,0.10475042073066013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964596366043757,0.0,0.0,0.11568888237465196,0.0,0.0,0.11959979609369667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933694013869116,0.0,0.0,0.06721447899543276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125713445387862,0.0,0.0,0.07927260533577707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234411551976368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499704731279671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506087411008461,0.0,0.0,0.20886577414210944,0.1046635347924472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674156547862652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918641414961627,0.0,0.11941705283160653,0.0,0.1888009164568231,0.12570025905375914,0.0,0.0,0.18243127846996246,0.0,0.0,0.11098658739508208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132271387294406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180156928046553,0.0,0.22653626892260015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576556458112342,0.1215992903505678,0.0,0.12697566420764775,0.0,0.10100029958755656,0.0,0.09405152924594808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169701615657744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936609084441744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095059407940173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689630722719241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226194598479086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948675250964086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720049253249261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520427659236397,0.0,0.0,0.2284823102278705
bpd,indiedebater02,2019/09/08,"What have been your experiences with BPD and how have they affected you? Hi! I’m just here to educate myself more on the topic so I can understand it more. I’m treated for bipolar disorder, anxiety & PMDD, but sometimes wonder if I may have BPD instead however since I know so little about the topic and the Internet isn’t giving me much insight, I wanted to ask someone who’s diagnosed with the disorder 

How does it affect your relationships with others? 

How were you diagnosed? Did you suspect you had it? 

(Don’t answer this question if you don’t want to feel free to just disregard it): were you raised in an unstable environment or abused before you were diagnosed? 

Can BPD be genetic, is it like a chemical imbalance or is it more of something that manifests and develops overtime due to situational factors? 

Have you taken any medication for your mood and does it help? 

Has therapy helped, and are there any specifics that help you?",6.257068965517242,7.671840511494256,7.0868390804597725,70.07956896551725,66.29885057471265,11.317241379310346,35.1896551724138,11.20814326018867,4.515089655172414,755,36,127,24,12,251,109,174,0.11800000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.10099999999999999,0.3404,1,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,12,1,0,11,4,0,0,6,0,21,5,0,5,0,32,32,15,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,13,8,0,1,8,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,7,1,19,4,14,23,4,4,0,0,0,0,22,3,0,7,2,97,32,0,0.0,0.15378924249012402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063592990972584,0.0,0.1765339950672888,0.0,0.09929500962481712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134348011751098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044842101740387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490427592505795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952262949789693,0.0,0.0,0.2975191914226422,0.0,0.22717396852597924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696721589038287,0.0,0.0,0.06562969932537495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451393712558298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261002313859314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133351078348263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341267932830512,0.1300915574579349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307576911525681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541636375235428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454033117603394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139354328949845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737013324567858,0.1458982358916917,0.0,0.0,0.1099773077800666,0.09992473598754267,0.12837340504474146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843516789123626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512415254522736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311628462890775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140760245195188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rrrobespierre,2019/09/08,"I’m scared I might have bpd... For starters, there’s a history of mental health issues/disorders in my family- depression and anxiety. In fact, my mom (who isn’t involved in my life) is borderline.

I’m only 17 but I’ve sensed that something is wrong for a very long time. I can’t get happy, and I can’t feel calm no matter what I do. Medication doesn’t work on me. I thought I was getting better but I’m only getting worse. It’s getting to the point where I’m having to leave school because Im having breakdowns. 

I’m constantly depressed; I’m constantly angry. And nothing makes me feel better. I feel like I’m drowning. I go back and forth between hating people and worshipping them. I waver between narcissism and utter self-loathing. My identity is a mystery to me. I don’t know who I am. 

I’m scared that I’m going to do something crazy. I’m scared that eventually I’m just going to totally lose it and they’ll put me in a psych ward. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.",0.777350746268656,3.161935796019904,3.0573445273631847,88.0597481343284,86.56218905472635,6.136069651741294,23.79788557213931,7.492282038375204,1.3354990049751243,769,31,156,14,24,262,108,201,0.23800000000000002,0.6509999999999999,0.111,-0.9795,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,4,4,15,1,3,5,0,18,3,0,1,2,22,44,9,1,0,3,1,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,7,9,0,0,2,3,23,6,16,40,1,17,1,3,0,0,6,7,0,1,7,85,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291062998034083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338927456423733,0.0,0.07403615727660158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214829270384674,0.0,0.0,0.152964842683181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624934461198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20921327001238887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919478738542002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449436143267976,0.0,0.18422970296636895,0.08676550341176928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538151273230394,0.0,0.20707231792714484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928816621894093,0.0,0.11990894112895938,0.0,0.12909805010336625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118925882838206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349394799688585,0.0,0.0,0.12860038419345302,0.0,0.0,0.08578530778247305,0.05933542891426066,0.0,0.0,0.10748140914396877,0.0,0.13587398853950286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107031225352376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235035280890448,0.12239529048030814,0.12884163205109733,0.0,0.1422433937891219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653669837209794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847398003684114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841996898741752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481162216239835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209304496966898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647846345905385,0.1229161493309812,0.0,0.0,0.12670117244617926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869997335475644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641951097793386,0.07081977692978365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021081622375977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884186760764829,0.0,0.12377020692954868,0.0,0.2655779136936385,0.0,0.0
bpd,sardineya,2019/09/08,"Why am i so screwed up? Clearly everyone around me can tell, they always leave. They are better without me. Then i cycle through self destruction because it's what i deserve. How are some people so normal and happy? I will never have that.",2.1020000000000003,4.949599533333334,3.068333333333332,86.4225,87.0,4.777777777777779,25.277777777777786,6.42735559955562,1.2194444444444446,189,8,32,2,6,60,38,45,0.16899999999999998,0.639,0.191,0.2894,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,4,4,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,8,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,2,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460393611475257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26322849519222685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802510472240543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615154701813185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825462969347551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31476954250307665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31309504405642025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280558341231909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28971529592958273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499554317843094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084711559598603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25844776736512376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26681596187502965,0.0,0.0,0.2850364548279066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coolicidal,2019/09/08,"i feel crazy sometimes i literally can’t hear another girl’s name without being sent into a fit of quiet rage. i feel my body tense up, my heart rate rising, cheeks burning as i got hotter and hotter. i know they’re just friends, but i can’t help but think the worst of her, despite us being friendly as well. i trust him, but my bpd doesn’t.

he says the name of celebrity he once said was attractive, and now i can’t unhear it; can’t unsee it. i look in the mirror and compare myself to her. what does she have, that i don’t? if my nose was a little rounder like hers, would he like
me more? would he find me more beautiful? does he want me to dress like her? he thinks she’s cooler then me, doesn’t he? he definitely thinks she’s cooler.

and she is cooler. i need to be funnier—like her—more carefree, more edgy, more distant, more cold; i need to smile often, but not too often, and wear my heart on my sleeve, or maybe not at all. i want to be her, i need to be her, because i trust him, but my bpd doesn’t.

i hate being as jealous as i am. i hate worrying that everything he does is an act against me. i hate thinking that i’m not good enough, that everyone else is better than me, and never believing him when he says that i’m all he ever wants. am i? how could i be, when he looks at her that way?

i’ve been doing so well. i’ve finally got a grip on my depression, and while my anxiety is still prevalent, i’m working through. but i’m struggling with my bpd, and i’m struggling with my bpd while being in a relationship. it’s ripping me apart, right at the seams that i’ve just sewn back together. i didn’t do a good enough job.

i mean, for fucks sake, he started watching my favourite show without me, with a friend of his that happens to be a girl, and i’m so hurt by it. like, who gets hurt by something like that? i feel crazy. i trust him, but my bpd doesn’t.",2.060581622678395,3.2346001868686898,3.4863799283154115,92.81919354838713,76.17171717171719,6.523818833496254,23.380254154447687,6.968188349444268,0.5459966764418374,1438,42,336,14,31,473,178,396,0.183,0.667,0.15,-0.9666,1,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,1,0,0,2,16,29,6,2,12,0,34,7,6,1,4,57,69,30,0,10,16,0,4,5,3,2,0,5,0,2,15,13,0,0,10,1,0,3,16,12,2,0,8,14,64,17,35,49,10,29,0,3,3,1,45,13,1,4,17,211,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457729975415791,0.06170340752929875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062021282909415186,0.0,0.04916857398672269,0.0,0.0,0.09087432580570257,0.0,0.07133574501955403,0.0,0.08959323000653517,0.5079317634447477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439911938342385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947090802657957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117539644686711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737969125324672,0.0,0.0,0.16668324824665354,0.0,0.0,0.07296008417977971,0.0,0.0770724981599835,0.07249051299857227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234983708043765,0.0,0.0,0.08835726634521215,0.07372025936146798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869492947560387,0.07456733344462874,0.04214065237106925,0.0,0.0,0.13530477362081006,0.12901968179328085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132590160405748,0.0,0.0,0.2389002290411463,0.0,0.0,0.09090780859895099,0.19116103693575592,0.054063583520804606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269283733564508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004095433017389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432771297369178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702794782454086,0.0808408440291032,0.0,0.0,0.13546537860612673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103214138505464,0.08786057550083197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942140604417744,0.06220868242308601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589849719197037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659686909396458,0.0,0.06888177964189811,0.07672454967691232,0.1282854949729493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620947289314318,0.07977315836242868,0.0,0.05709038653358549,0.0,0.06441385263647925,0.0,0.0,0.16864321462512571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067304236961615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702204899161763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272313199114106,0.06402283408856031,0.0,0.0,0.1450430644453466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550351838675813,0.0,0.05872023044405871,0.0819124571306339,0.0,0.11459473772904588,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Savr2113,2019/09/08,"My fiancé had enough We’ve been together almost 5 years now, we have a 3 year old child, and a house together. 
Yesterday was my birthday and something set me off and I ruined everything. He said he wanted time apart, that I was bringing him down and making him depressed. He says we’re not compatible anymore, but he still loves me. 
I don’t want him to leave, I love him so much but I’ve pushed him away and I think I’ve lost him for good.
This is how all my serious relationships end, and all my friendships. He’s the only person I have. He wouldn’t even sleep in our bed last night.. I told him goodnight and he waved at me.. 
I feel so broken",1.0975939849624083,3.2778672932330863,2.665375939849625,92.87370300751878,82.83458646616542,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.3679864661654135,502,14,111,7,14,164,89,133,0.11199999999999999,0.747,0.142,0.8,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,3,0,9,3,1,2,2,21,20,12,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,7,3,24,3,7,12,4,19,0,3,0,2,24,6,0,1,10,65,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538103061742395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359929092982125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393580190710284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594522644644866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397029913393474,0.19128885843162088,0.0,0.12227667017581735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638297638764502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360732971309688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552783255577891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136152533782497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090572213296022,0.0,0.1960260213841577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020913487135077,0.0,0.3341742457828995,0.0,0.12357576428017113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609190829155735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373203666474205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426287408997486,0.0,0.0,0.1407997662085012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164844286035251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876042022200716,0.0,0.0,0.1761010980498624,0.14722286819367636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852637762133944,0.0,0.0,0.14252217828557948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478451190221768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862387842780113,0.0,0.0,0.10795083695843112,0.0,0.0,0.1768997226125564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183890325117023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23843540034527494
bpd,goldleafclover,2019/09/08,"BPD treatment UK Hi - I apologise if this isn’t allowed.
I’m not here to seek medical advice or a diagnosis, but I have believed for some time now I may be suffering from BPD. I was hoping to hear from some of you from the U.K. about your experience obtaining diagnosis and treatment through the NHS, as although I haven’t directly mentioned it with a doctor, I often feel all my issues are brushed off as depression or simply my age (I’m 19) whenever I have attempted to bring up my struggles. I’m feeling really hopeless right now and I’m struggling to live a normal life because so many of my friendships and relationships are ruined by myself, and I want to be in control and stop causing so much harm to myself and those around me. 

Thanks, I hope to hear from you.",6.120133333333335,6.41375128,6.958000000000002,74.86233333333338,66.2,10.133333333333336,35.333333333333336,9.994966539143718,3.546333333333333,612,28,113,13,9,204,98,150,0.193,0.69,0.11699999999999999,-0.951,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,3,0,3,8,10,0,2,5,0,10,3,0,3,1,28,23,15,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,5,19,3,24,19,4,11,0,4,0,0,8,5,0,9,5,83,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518295471225918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137061661165568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680639503847192,0.0,0.0,0.17891948392030269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40002008565794805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631370545221414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811393839288475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677899562266072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254421922729845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534230950399264,0.0,0.0,0.16059372482512788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35797081419071825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31545950562152697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657517450479163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216906305200104,0.0,0.0,0.14022821841471786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100391172699294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599798939167592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674035857067627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559573061223378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017349078089495,0.0,0.0,0.17049773948841646,0.0,0.13561908004017398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276855851180502,0.0,0.3320361021648965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620682290802986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260079877440924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936676334521676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,livwad,2019/09/08,"I don't know what to do I don't really know where to post this either. I got blackout drunk at a friends party. Past maybe 9pm I can't remember what I did up until the next time I checked my phone at 12am. He messaged me today claiming we had sex, after asking around with some friends they basically confirmed his side of the story. 

I've talked to this guy before while sober and told him I don't want to be his fuck buddy or to date him. I don't really know how to approach the situation and I'm scared. 

Just looking for people to talk or vent to.",1.2169414483821264,3.0171231440677992,3.1936363636363647,91.27224191063179,80.27118644067797,5.985824345146379,20.896764252696453,6.980632752743323,0.36944745762711895,433,12,97,5,11,146,81,118,0.09,0.831,0.08,-0.0315,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,0,4,4,1,1,4,0,9,3,0,1,0,16,19,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,4,1,1,1,5,2,0,0,4,1,16,2,17,14,2,16,0,0,1,2,16,6,1,3,8,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663452002855534,0.18549450022628375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883951768619967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065952607375145,0.18343469337333776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586933894213221,0.0,0.0,0.19646549681325348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271368330466774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666215555754723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933803881280068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110203112598848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894128967569516,0.13755839522948582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003006200395844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25422392632475155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476946568146325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865151923811397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303069208512286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189625267661235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569941503975913,0.0,0.1880775246112049,0.18959736676103564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703236410493373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Yeetyeetyeetyeetfuk,2019/09/08,I’m 13 and I think I have BDP I say I think I have BDP but I definitely have it all the symptoms are there and they’re really bad at first I thought it was mood swings from puberty but it was more than just mood swings because a normal conversation is enough to get me severely depressed or pissed off and people around me are starting to realize. I try to stay close to friends and family but sometimes it’s insanely hard it’s like a voice in my head telling me I need to feel a certain way when I know for a fact I don’t sometimes I try to fight it but it barely works. I’ve also started cutting myself because of all the stress I’m under with school and shit but I feel like it’s definitely related to this. I have multiple other mental disorders but BDP is by far the worst. I don’t know why I wrote this but I guess I just needed to vent.,0.8838224051749464,3.034179234636873,2.9166127609526633,90.93184945604234,83.46927374301677,6.4499852984416375,22.270214642752126,7.669130373188453,0.9602558659217876,669,23,148,12,19,225,102,179,0.21,0.685,0.106,-0.9721,0,0,0,0,1,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,14,4,1,7,0,12,4,3,0,4,35,28,15,0,3,10,0,3,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,11,8,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,4,5,23,4,19,24,5,13,0,1,0,0,6,7,2,2,6,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438051647973125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845827171612962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986442766244444,0.1896242156871321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396124169851187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825548594510304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070824133261574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662365177975314,0.0,0.1572853689166808,0.11111355004344413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322971759103367,0.0,0.0,0.12016521433978385,0.0,0.08126011704718061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133828134132728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393279508320883,0.0,0.15962279774691238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095488285079072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197215231323424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674173143817502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23065304143114504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523903372803296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782772054092164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963908940937284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368691216695625,0.0,0.15740875316563707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570919544532732,0.15965345811129178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30765428729834104,0.0,0.22017558964857709,0.16577859335655246,0.0,0.0,0.17816371859248714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165942163005678,0.0,0.0,0.13594360736718625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931986670306354,0.0,0.12347665531734622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119480877703692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345568231640144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034528032580668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323063432680686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,baleri101,2019/09/08,"Failed second chance Me and my partner of 4 years broke up a few months ago. Then 3 weeks ago we said we will give each other a second chance. And today

Today he said he cant. He ended it. That me and my BPD is too much for him.

I was so scared to let him back into my life but I did. My leap of faith gone wrong

I am so hurt and has no one to talk to

I lost my job because of a suicide attempt when we initially broke up

I have nothing now",-1.437733333333334,0.4050217600000003,1.1119999999999983,101.93266666666666,91.4,3.733333333333334,14.333333333333336,4.7782277997778095,-1.3548666666666669,336,6,87,1,12,114,69,100,0.272,0.67,0.057999999999999996,-0.9790000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,3,0,0,3,6,8,0,1,3,0,9,1,0,0,0,10,14,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,3,6,2,17,1,10,6,3,16,1,5,0,0,13,3,0,0,12,61,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34035414660461616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761937034266148,0.0,0.11702811667355445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178979724190405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003568537011782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416296353286948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055166123168474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050872096765864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631069600754933,0.13559986602947124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956686160464025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532351517269174,0.0,0.141126051619754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420824142571876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008938322747088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652304235522575,0.0,0.19220364908139848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209992969641076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430478910958614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639457345114971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399331608043115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989800263094469,0.0,0.12362765369199938
bpd,mjackhxc,2019/09/08,"Stability is boring Being stable for the last 9 months has been boring. I lost all my friends last year because my symptoms were out of hand, I became psychotic and I tried to kill my self. I take meds now, go to therapy and overall have my life under control. Now I’m just bored. Any thoughts?",3.128793103448277,5.066595672413797,4.192620689655172,85.66444827586207,75.0344827586207,6.708965517241379,27.11724137931035,7.554174236665415,1.540899310344828,231,9,45,3,5,75,46,58,0.207,0.665,0.128,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,1,0,6,3,1,1,1,7,11,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,1,8,1,6,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999382460979892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523844590746158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803719335366506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313262412608448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206843573636496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765639653937661,0.0,0.0,0.4075313776685692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656707484348294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27288085763756004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27766955159163664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953030409144126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607818981635954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598231816558347,0.18795258080211785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28587198614987297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845485726276296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971886516833526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097783737791624
bpd,nan_slack,2019/09/08,"feel like doing something really dumb (possible mildly triggering stuff re: self-harm & substance abuse) i was diagnosed with BPD about 8 years ago, and after about 4 years of denying it to myself i decided to try and make some serious changes in my life.

and I did. my life is pretty decent right now, really probably the best it's been since i was a little kid. i have no actual day-to-day complaints. but im fucking *bored.*

and for the last couple of weeks I've been having this overwhelming urge to do... something. act out in some dramatic way. not suicide or self harm necessarily. more like i want to just get a bunch of blow and go out and start drinking again and fuck a bunch of random people. i don't even like sex very much, i just love the validation for my looks. or i want to suddenly get in my car and drive for days and see where I end up. or throw all my money into a ticket to a city I've never been in. i don't know why. i have actual responsibilities and bills and rent and classes and work stuff and all this other shit I **actually** need to worry about and all I can do is fantasize about ruining myself.

it's more than just a feeling, too. there's a physical sensation that goes along with it. sorta like the ""zero-g"" feeling of a drop in a roller coaster in my stomach. it comes in waves. and i feel like crying so much but I can't? I've been looking up sad stuff just trying to get myself going. i haven't really been able to cry since my cat died, and that was years ago. so ive just been more aggressive. i just want someone to do something to me. even if I got beat up it'd feel like a validation

and I still have no fucking clue who i am at all. I'll probably be totally different in 6 months

why is it like this? like I said, my life is actually good right now. but i feel like it's all a fucking fraud and so am i. i guess i figured once my life was ok i would be too but it doesn't seem to work like that

i dunno. mazel tov if you read this all",0.5135442640125696,2.682174930120482,2.8277553693033006,90.85769381875328,85.24096385542168,6.3074908328968045,19.383184913567312,7.586124646067393,0.5801817705605029,1536,43,343,28,46,524,199,415,0.136,0.718,0.146,0.3,2,0,4,0,1,1,54.0,0,1,0,4,23,27,7,1,15,1,36,14,2,2,8,73,67,31,2,7,16,0,6,10,0,1,5,1,1,2,21,26,1,0,10,4,3,7,9,13,0,0,13,10,43,14,44,50,17,46,0,3,3,6,6,19,6,12,28,225,64,4,0.07297118948749752,0.08645892720547703,0.28483741887666364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936911330206874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906425332266262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657876140250054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919046586819162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719384284333754,0.06285821843279127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074123323370991,0.1603108503778632,0.14118114139064564,0.0,0.0,0.07406422129833838,0.07573257402297166,0.07623936188845636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148398527576898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463081488939716,0.0,0.0,0.09639356489762696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213785556627991,0.20852252940080526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698427553564372,0.11437330419731752,0.0,0.08294241721493298,0.061204771647477264,0.058361726278173424,0.0,0.08038599206512431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882140656548207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040103057380858696,0.0594812587672329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061668365978896,0.3565003726643799,0.07313630208579132,0.0,0.0,0.12255484181161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585934749791722,0.0,0.04870883561347724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824490726316424,0.0,0.10728444089196792,0.05410721239039475,0.05627987986389592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771193528219199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058903486101597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226405202446052,0.0,0.07423793332494924,0.15735056840829498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299093652770408,0.0,0.14024163755936053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246339942290347,0.06941231143686281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058148590409784026,0.06643023030320723,0.1522497301210908,0.0,0.07490387738474638,0.1207250440150472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182825205229641,0.16853036015171732,0.0,0.0,0.051649383499901856,0.0,0.05827488618544367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506036612771741,0.07981863759601332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908529541466464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060208873488375274,0.12912089453416062,0.05792113368588477,0.05853308665257316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169029713999753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624779005914098,0.07410578503038337,0.0,0.051836639366211364,0.0,0.0,0.1409731607265713
bpd,boopy-cupid,2019/09/08,"Beating the obsession blues So I just had a horrible thing happen. Minor compared to most horrible things (I had a yelling confrontation with my neighbour) but, still, I can feel that dark obsession setting in and I know I'm going to dwell on this all afternoon and night and my emotions are plummeting fast to the ground. While I'm aware I'd like to try and do something about it, but I'm not sure what to start with and don't have the energy or resources right now to get into the thick of research. I'm sure there's a DBT skill to help with this... But I'm not sure which one. So, what works for you fellow redditors and BPD sufferers? 

*I find CBT counterproductive during these times, so nothing too heavily CBT please. Mainly the whole ""challenge your thoughts"" aspect that id like to avoid as this just creates a weird song and dance in my head that leads to a worse state of mind and hours lost.",4.4039634941329835,5.778059418079097,4.520000000000003,86.90691003911344,70.63841807909606,8.158018252933509,27.17470664928292,8.617729084823388,1.7747126466753582,715,24,146,12,13,222,114,177,0.2,0.703,0.096,-0.955,0,1,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,2,0,6,10,14,1,4,10,0,7,1,1,1,4,32,20,17,0,0,8,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,13,12,0,1,4,2,0,3,3,8,0,1,4,5,10,6,21,16,4,21,0,2,1,0,5,7,0,2,11,90,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255046543208804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140487060424656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053203501826083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364660373875056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354517604241222,0.0,0.1017570893077698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833153134847952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837548758014662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001208223841743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632618709283246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840008353853358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494759124493567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545201337004944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807874120497482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802439376630998,0.0,0.1718013591955021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132754040972925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654090743009528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290599077530392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783987722943902,0.0,0.0,0.12673107695599034,0.0,0.14298794264955894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062517872666626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379030349094529,0.0,0.0,0.14214409083465834,0.10440431301400406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156182075655138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990066785899752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034905690998702,0.0,0.1824651811441413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShomareDog,2019/09/08,"Alone and preventing not coping TW: vague mention of suicidal thoughts and a mention of loss of people to death

Important info
Due to comorbid diagnoses and “adaption” I often once had multiple “favorite person” type people at once.
I’ve also been through DBT

Situation now
I’ve lost most of my loved ones and/or FPs recently due to mostly reasonable to need space reasons or death yet I feel entirely abandoned and hurt as if they were trying to hurt me. It’s made it hard to cope effectively.
I got drunk to prevent active ability to cope ineffectively but obviously still want to cope ineffectively. I just have trouble getting up to enact anything good or bad because I’m having trouble standing up and navigating.
The last “favorite person” type person I have left after losing most of them is a housemate who may not come home tonight.

Not sure how to make sure I stay safe. The favorite type person has done a lot to support me in general plus since I lost others he tries even harder I think and I can’t be mad he wants a Saturday night away from me. I’m a handful rn. That doesn’t help that I want to give up though. 

I think I need someone who gets feeling deserted even though people have good reasons to need space...

If anyone can talk to me it’d probably help. Thank you in advance",5.57094070016671,6.8010665465587055,6.223839009287925,76.31922600619195,67.74493927125506,9.05063110264349,32.74803524648725,9.325443323948027,3.0481233150750167,1035,45,184,20,17,338,153,247,0.192,0.627,0.18,-0.3541,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,8,11,21,1,0,7,0,16,4,1,7,3,50,41,17,3,8,9,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,8,8,1,4,10,1,0,2,5,13,0,1,9,4,20,8,32,29,4,25,0,7,0,1,18,10,0,10,11,112,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521714381148896,0.0,0.08124190460290867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103445583439458,0.0,0.08360034442075166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544764058856868,0.0,0.0848238433322708,0.0619286399400255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751124019318912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311224246182613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396237658641662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419916474173302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027344418451951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615371062949464,0.0974548867664754,0.0,0.1704186216584704,0.08125122177745432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100515426677644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618797236753333,0.0,0.10190357783353317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175095122032316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280983541616117,0.0,0.0,0.11037840057556923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136538094763779,0.2217961133541454,0.08636862981057633,0.0916894134379464,0.09612740929376376,0.06781246301880413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259842568434757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533582397919872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163811830470131,0.06884036762196788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129023179033474,0.3548197048949621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953176632929963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133559328098837,0.10030838556883097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403673049873442,0.11419200441724656,0.0,0.0,0.08607732053142257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828198055337844,0.08113032296099491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112354343969053,0.11528372168827747,0.191495731455657,0.0,0.0,0.08165461427055958,0.0,0.09353090453423184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019021028742514,0.19962434624439898,0.08065152755345557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794659318760413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797621678956739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chlolita,2019/09/08,"Having too many feelings about having too many feelings: The Borderline Experience These days all it takes for a mini meltdown on my behalf is any reminder of the fact that I do indeed have BPD. The catalytic moment is usually just my reaction to something that's generally quite simple, stuff that's innocuous on a surface level... What turns it into a Thing is my reaction (whether it manifests as a thought, feeling, or behavior), and my noticing how maladaptive that reaction is. The shame cycle/spiral that accompanies borderline mood swings is one of the biggest motherfucking bitchass things that makes this disorder so hard to fucking deal with, for me.

I realize, on an intellectual level, that dwelling on the suckiness of BPD symptoms is in no way helpful to my coping, nor for anyone in my life... but, obviously the lens that I see through most often is not an intellectual lens, it's an emotional one, and thus, a distorted one. And I'm having a reeeal hard time lately climbing out of those holes that borderline shame can toss you down. 

Anyone got any wisdom on how to manage this particular facet of BPD? The other bitch about this whole situation is how alienating it can feel.",9.382225998300763,9.000304308411216,9.256151231945626,63.35125318606627,59.65420560747665,12.828547153780795,40.48258283772302,12.079253325248375,5.208594392523365,958,45,153,27,11,313,129,214,0.109,0.8140000000000001,0.077,-0.8149,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,2,10,7,2,3,17,0,15,3,0,5,3,28,27,12,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,24,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,5,0,3,2,7,11,1,27,25,3,21,0,0,1,1,3,14,2,3,5,117,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907356569206415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412659827880629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974827520915295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491309698278017,0.13574093648862687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089961128893226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810551562610105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879373214670972,0.0,0.0,0.266295322190228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172226313294253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530460813803907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23589213550174234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882523410082223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852396749148905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299895378145837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788747650625384,0.266975491065502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990158878161627,0.0,0.0,0.2676590374123358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004204060442324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049200377949014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799708871568096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136222639331786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072503866071174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685045234838858,0.0989957691184299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749448836493824,0.0,0.0,0.10452738209910267,0.0767749785103851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321381998662625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501050591378395,0.0,0.0,0.10450962770757108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699938188403747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lanyenil,2019/09/08,"my fp can’t talk to me my fp is no longer allowed to talk to me (under the instructions of my psychologist). she used to be someone i talked to every day and was an adult support at school. she was the only person who cared about me and told me she’d never give up on me.

but now she’s gone, and even though i know this next part is not true, she’s given up on me. she’s abandoned me. i’ve relapsed into self harm these few days and am genuinely planning to commit suicide. i am completely alone - i tried reaching out to helplines, but nothing worked, and my parents don’t understand mental illness. i’m not to contact my psychologist or psychiatrist outside appointment hours. i have no one. i’ve spend much of the weekend sobbing in pain. the hole in my heart is so empty.

i don’t understand how to be strong in the next few days. can someone please tell me how to keep living? i am afraid today is the day i kill myself. this is the lowest i’ve felt in 17 years.",2.764924242424243,4.28834108585859,4.075643939393942,87.88346590909094,75.01010101010101,6.7681818181818185,25.506313131313128,7.413659706084162,1.1508676767676778,757,26,159,9,16,249,116,198,0.22,0.7070000000000001,0.073,-0.9892,3,1,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,1,1,8,0,18,3,1,4,3,25,31,12,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,2,4,1,1,1,8,6,0,1,6,1,29,4,25,22,4,25,0,2,0,0,18,12,1,1,12,107,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386823287856207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652224888576978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403939418798544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454234468307233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844116088540176,0.0,0.11281840499267322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856714068382832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284512215283875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867478875755048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318667252409148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901845558003465,0.14814297962343576,0.0,0.07358916445478067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823812340543545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349419549694667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843354696450796,0.0,0.10327365555864897,0.0,0.28481308406602346,0.0,0.0,0.12848280225739594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073561731895527,0.10183868073908132,0.14248141487020874,0.0,0.1486825815538476,0.14500306777771452,0.0,0.0,0.11691826348665572,0.0,0.14698443983842016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355162067343602,0.0,0.0,0.13968923019600735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22690985203535866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464673077871898,0.15195066522094597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228766240819476,0.11703645210124199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155826235447288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692365845780984,0.12794932022326366,0.0,0.0909108254524328,0.0,0.0,0.2787938901155578,0.0,0.11564853542049318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748241912536848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862286467745264
bpd,NormalVariation,2019/09/08,"Treatment Center/Options First post, but want to say I am so glad reddit and this sub exist. Im a 19 yr old male that has dealt with serious anxiety as well as depression, stemming from parental emotional abuse when I was younger. I recently discovered bpd and although I haven't been diagnosed, it seems to be the answer I have been looking for . I have always been emotionally unstable, suicidal, hated myself and due to changing schools 7 times (public, homeschool, and private), I have never had a true sense of who I am. I have failed in nearly every relationship I've been in because I overthink everything. Right now I am currently out of school already due to substance abuse taking over my life at college. I still smoke everyday to get rid of wandering thoughts, memories, and once good times. I lack motivation, drive, and purpose. I pretty much have given up on my life because I have tried too many times and failed. I feel that bpd is the answer because it fits the criteria that pertains to me thinking I'm crazy this whole time. failed counseling brings me to this point, I need to get serious treatment in order to fix myself, and so if anyone has any recommendations, please share.",8.182348484848482,8.109243022727274,7.865454545454547,71.32484848484852,61.95454545454545,11.15151515151515,38.33333333333333,10.686352973137794,4.223469696969697,955,44,162,21,12,304,143,220,0.22899999999999998,0.6609999999999999,0.109,-0.9882,2,0,1,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,0,5,7,12,1,0,5,0,20,3,0,1,2,24,34,16,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,7,1,1,8,3,23,5,26,25,3,31,0,4,1,0,7,12,0,2,15,106,32,7,0.0,0.29118027216122816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559874157244164,0.0,0.10224419856268173,0.0,0.0,0.0835611384403286,0.0,0.09400120404605908,0.0,0.0,0.0859190361785706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247155549935413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095206520928228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998845171230738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058344954056337,0.1247184114591548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27644204094959457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352987192315294,0.0,0.11043467089798394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621307231962257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451981990113476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839718974307818,0.0,0.0,0.10306409437352633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213164182009656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272914294507904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358449130568795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318643009694968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457883374847972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032934396510033,0.09111235438000248,0.09477095810490413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893961289549274,0.13086087924655024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644128922469045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488295843356654,0.11615926750287076,0.0,0.11768299510568825,0.12501092905578207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213270335848678,0.13192480427578335,0.0,0.10493699590414388,0.0,0.09771738281533238,0.0,0.24871784931955,0.0,0.11186336197215496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813039421201122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440840275238392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923888362455109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873515223273432,0.0,0.0975512718768108,0.28660420462466274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342598103677963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247652811838343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048192670654987,0.0,0.0,0.13718870959857302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,n3atguy,2019/09/08,"does anyone else feel sad and want to breakup soon after officiating a relationship? I’ve only recently been diagnosed with bpd (about 6 months ago), so I’m still trying to figure out which of my behaviours are linked to it.
I’m currently in my third relationship and it was going really well, but out of nowhere I feel sad to be around her and I don’t want to be with her anymore but I really don’t want to lose her either. I don’t know if it’s the official commitment that freaks me out, or if I’m just maybe dating incompatible people. But I start to flip between sad and numb and it feels awful and I just want to want to be with my girlfriend. Does anyone else feel like this? Any advice would be wonderful.
Thank you",2.2694227005870857,4.4384610890410965,4.07577299412916,84.41575342465754,78.5205479452055,7.733072407045009,21.38747553816047,8.634040054169528,1.370095499021526,573,16,118,13,14,193,86,146,0.142,0.708,0.15,-0.5209,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,1,11,2,0,0,1,37,28,13,0,8,9,0,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,2,4,14,3,22,21,1,15,0,4,0,0,7,5,0,4,10,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975828144522096,0.1267793197479784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725905600945932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183821387327514,0.20000695318285325,0.29308344498646194,0.0,0.1273188441419422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012970502716044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451631128048694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25031695136494925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389510714580215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892624777516693,0.10217409609910022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128202292157212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786004975188789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987274409272484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000370442753725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436836281552692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141578470027276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877377168314957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915262248742347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324558782542053,0.0,0.14121579690203426,0.3071016543714986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123086629233788,0.0,0.1142166045728516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167434750214738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710174267305413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217868999397805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128592885378873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509996888843727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015978808098465,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xxqoou,2019/09/08,Codependency How do you guys deal with your codependency issues? Mine get so bad once I feel comfortable in a relationship. I can’t afford therapy where I am and it’s not covered. I know my FP is starting to hate me because of how codependent I get. I can’t stop myself. Any advice or tips appreciated.,1.4966525423728785,4.2050578813559305,4.286250000000003,77.46801906779662,88.83050847457628,7.695762711864407,24.32415254237288,8.472884824447931,2.3581,241,10,45,7,8,85,49,59,0.17,0.721,0.10800000000000001,-0.5847,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,9,11,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,12,1,4,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706317281192624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833507489432688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312411634971363,0.16882577104447916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28552264920857096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400339275506147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893892399964368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742234273848076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27343017501019684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890631982376947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220413598821755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29494205025983594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973399879112677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960261960894497,0.0,0.0,0.2315420820319945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167157515592648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redrum2911,2019/07/11,"DAE get hurt by knowing their partner watches porn? I know I'm overly sensitive about this stuff due to being cheated on and feeling used etc. But just wondering if I'm the only one, I find it especially more hurtful when I saw my boyfriend just watching women alone, I can try my best to rationalise and understand people watch it for the act, but it hurts to think he may watch to seek a better body etc.",10.919958333333335,6.829571412500004,10.150000000000002,69.78833333333336,59.875,13.16666666666667,42.91666666666667,10.504223727775694,4.366416666666668,323,13,62,5,3,104,62,80,0.147,0.763,0.09,-0.5839,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,1,0,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,16,14,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,6,7,2,9,11,4,5,0,3,5,1,4,2,0,3,2,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313359128074012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569576004507866,0.16492346039212502,0.0,0.20713354176556306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41594155896268004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428820714490034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043629770132115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742636332336996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988813948152204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049654016478329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636141737260576,0.14182391018855492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927944309569664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347117253546424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194867202794172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266054180058257,0.0,0.0,0.19412878950273507,0.0,0.16105596991124074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022259936150488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pausworld,2019/07/11,"Relapse 6 months ago I moved alone. I promised myself that I would stop drinking, doing drugs and having casual sex. I did very good, until now. I feel empty and it is too painful to be alone with my mind. 
I feel the urge to drink and meet strangers and fill the void
Why is it so scary to deal with my mental illness?",1.1108571428571423,3.3563073384615407,1.828351648351649,98.49307692307691,83.30769230769229,4.32967032967033,18.516483516483518,5.288315135182226,-0.5944285714285718,247,6,55,1,7,76,48,65,0.242,0.6559999999999999,0.102,-0.8490000000000001,0,2,3,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,7,6,0,0,0,11,9,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,9,3,6,6,0,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491991751727394,0.0,0.0,0.4554810848382125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22669774869138026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43081852099348333,0.2550035052148489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236678038768526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844339616572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159819703739636,0.0,0.22202701366436486,0.0,0.17551473036734022,0.2337091099869823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339793035733008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383854615198894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181432930235202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841723577727524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620410794719453,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,quicksilverlou,2019/07/11,"I don't know what to do [TW: Suicide Ideation] I don't know what to do any more, I'm at the end of my tether. 

I'm stuck in a dead end job that treats me like shit, my boss is rude and screws around with my hours constantly, which causes me a lot of financial stress considering I'm £3000 in debt (from impulsive spending when my BPD was bad and for helping keep my family afloat when my dad was fired for being mentally ill). I owe my mum so much money for digging me out of financial holes. I no longer have my second job because I quit it to work full time at my main job which my boss has now decided he doesn't want me to do and has left me in the lurch. 

I have no formal training for anything nor do I have good grades since I'm a highschool dropout and a college reject, I constantly screw up trial shifts because of my anxiety and I keep getting turned down from every job. 

Not to mention my depression is so bad right now, and I feel like my boyfriend deserves better. Because I just can't see us having a future together when I can't even dig myself out of debt or afford to pay for anything without feeling the repercussions of it. I feel like our relationship is falling apart and I don't want it to because he's my FP and I love him so much and the thought of losing him hurts so fucking bad. 

I'm just at the end of my tether. I'm not good at anything and I just want it all to end. What's the point?",4.329334819769606,4.206901244147161,5.332480490523969,86.41753158677072,70.00334448160535,8.5173541434411,29.32014121144556,8.167268648758528,1.744518246005203,1108,38,248,14,18,366,148,299,0.23199999999999998,0.716,0.053,-0.9936,8,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,2,0,0,5,14,21,5,1,11,0,22,6,1,3,1,38,46,19,2,3,7,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,14,0,2,7,0,6,1,12,13,0,1,4,5,41,8,37,41,7,32,0,4,1,4,12,17,4,2,17,158,51,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772454235837022,0.0,0.07618599559532398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458619891191336,0.08865611909980985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494602024776484,0.24283629777834334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807916731775774,0.0,0.0,0.12542998398962646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230625346310253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152425888632548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577662895526476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528283415912936,0.0,0.0,0.06577818510625405,0.0,0.08390878017325208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938844878960057,0.0,0.15106692680582925,0.14229407899082838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206925135649964,0.052031608698464515,0.0,0.0,0.1670625545632406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675300604796698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980759838000292,0.0,0.10661304027942216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953104075264323,0.1770401456477542,0.0,0.0,0.10946400144144028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820471019718944,0.0,0.0,0.14596377379633627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114156162172187,0.0,0.08466776570460875,0.08988376672853518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003631884036758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642006070649158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414463923242464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592611002314084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069222746609082,0.0,0.08504922451655349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936025081559539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022275940727512,0.08238178866624671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407988601204302,0.0,0.0,0.10893517890526376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906325078435568,0.05807166751937819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832520568297484,0.0,0.0,0.11979437916155385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762220976218344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600110302859297,0.0,0.07250262825182271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thestandardpup0,2019/07/11,"Should have listened to most of you My ex w/BPD came back after three days of blocking and ghosting me. Things were fine for maybe the first 12 hours of us talking again and then she went super cold on me. Sending me short misspelled texts and not even reading what I sending her most of the time. She wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone! 

Texted her last night only to get one word answers and asked her why she came back in the first place. I got this while dramatic “I’m sorry you care about me” stuff and when I stood up for myself she pulls the plug again saying she can’t do this. 

I tried to end things amicably but she ghosted me yet again. 

I don’t know what test I failed or what I did wrong but here I am again.",1.2268432671081655,3.2608292119205298,1.7770596026490075,100.25177041942604,81.38410596026489,4.556467991169979,18.013686534216333,5.2151,-0.7850321412803534,565,12,133,2,15,172,97,151,0.08,0.88,0.04,-0.784,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,4,12,5,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,19,20,11,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,1,2,1,0,6,4,2,0,4,7,3,28,3,16,11,2,31,0,1,0,0,21,6,0,3,19,94,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272837585377053,0.0,0.0,0.2512420347858127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575809430867475,0.0,0.0,0.3737022411130147,0.1665660350347838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535977545092873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469683578592898,0.0,0.0,0.21580795251740506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779239293395385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535379108791201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066146756632613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088599298403344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978357333544558,0.1331679005890827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412656373431958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331115520805072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070336254054464,0.12424982303122667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068629641257613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341365298711422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299179381599672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828787160684539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701892631881714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626203397501173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707079723314884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526203593474453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091712787430803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651332465457924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514451102927298,0.14741551172204434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861883964165684,0.0,0.0
bpd,grumpo-pumpo,2019/07/11,"My ex-FP is garbage and no one will listen I had an FP that was abusive. I only recently realized that he’s abusive, and that he has a history of raping drunk, much younger girls. He’s also spread a bunch of untrue rumors about me, and now I’m being bullied. Everyone seems to just ignore that he’s a rapist, and instead just make fun of me. And now my best friend (who’s 19) is falling under his spell. It’s incredibly frustrating and not doing my BPD any favors.",4.533403508771933,4.859638989473686,5.987105263157897,80.33890350877195,69.6315789473684,8.85964912280702,29.517543859649123,8.841846274778883,2.2565438596491223,364,13,73,6,6,124,66,95,0.294,0.596,0.11,-0.9698,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,3,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,0,13,12,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,1,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,1,8,4,6,8,3,5,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,1,3,50,14,0,0.0,0.6171755382415514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082798191090756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711327148025652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733236451924516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280245835928236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488688041867003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122113827990076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738507682695529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145892359698888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648600664628422,0.19808210509646929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571605442230305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371016762991648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IHateMyMotherHaha,2019/07/11,"There is no escaping this, is there? I hate myself and people will always end up hating me.

I don’t want to live like this anymore.

I wish things could have been different. I don’t know how much longer I can last. 

Share stories, depressing or positive, whatever is going on in your life right now.

I feel like this weekend I will give up.",1.91452025586354,4.276355761194033,3.1130063965884887,89.79164179104478,80.94029850746269,6.8136460554371014,21.51172707889127,7.957251820313856,1.082507036247336,264,8,54,5,7,85,51,67,0.158,0.628,0.214,0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,0,8,19,3,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,10,3,5,15,1,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966631208585913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439686753988326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870719034130148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035689305951781,0.0,0.0,0.2469366850964617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933699848145348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950626144797992,0.16884933485376166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672959463481804,0.13432382599758105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666957294434903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298924309774669,0.19265776236211274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694183275298108,0.23093850231903526,0.0,0.20870242782526927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173745316986324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638561533225545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018426218616434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702122615172792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940605343997606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717922001769372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cutsjuju,2019/07/11,"People telling me I shouldn't have a baby because I have bpd. I'm already pregnant, it's going well, and some people told me that having a baby when I know I have bpd is a bad thing.
I don't think so. I am doing therapy for years. I have experience taking care of children. I have a good job and make enough to support a baby, and my husband works too. What do you think about having children?",2.0034843205574937,3.6153355853658553,3.944425087108016,87.64743902439025,77.29268292682926,5.661324041811848,23.90940766550523,6.1826913282559595,0.6249700348432055,306,10,63,2,7,104,54,82,0.047,0.8059999999999999,0.147,0.7506,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,13,0,0,1,0,9,23,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,12,4,4,21,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,47,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204777828566013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668197472463258,0.1217926429204066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032674074286855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037034239145776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064407373294995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954369897188324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354760432248134,0.16757783115161867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198264838276088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098016248984766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336412848725465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770241768367782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267240030414615,0.0,0.0,0.15022031576325245,0.0,0.1746288697293974,0.0,0.22848199180895826,0.0,0.13273433752272915,0.2560400132898913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091184645536724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963891082995273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545250103467408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866086466381524
bpd,ClinSciResearcher,2019/07/11,"Study on how decisions under stress relate to mental health and suicidal thoughts. 90 minutes. Online. $15 amazon gift card. $50 lottery. Hi we are Harvard researchers and would like to invite you to participate in our online study examining how decisions under stress might be related to mental health and suicidal thoughts. This research could help us better understand mechanisms underlying emotional issues and suicidal thoughts/behavior.

​

**Eligibility: Ages 21 – 65. English fluency. No hearing difficulties. Functioning headphones.**

**What you will do**: If you are interested in participating:

•	you will complete an online screener to see if you qualify to participate in the study.

•	If you qualify, you will complete a variety of questionnaires about your mental health and rate various images, some images depict suicidal behavior and aversive scenes (e.g., homes on fire, non-fatal injuries)

•	You will also complete two computer tasks where you will be presented with words and images and make responses.

•	You may be eligible to complete a follow-up assessment 3 months later.

​

**Place**: Online

​

**Duration**:

Screening Assessment: 10 minutes

Baseline Assessment: 60-80 minutes

Follow-up assessment: 5 minutes

​

**Compensation**:

Screening Assessment: if *ineligible* for full study, entry into lottery to win $25 Amazon gift card

Baseline assessment: $0 - $15 and entry into a lottery to win $50 Amazon gift card (see below)

Follow-up assessment: $5 and entry into a lottery to win $10 Amazon gift card (if eligible; see below)

Compensation in Baseline/Follow-up Assessment is based on how closely you pay attention and follow instructions in surveys and computer tasks. If you pay very close attention and follow instructions carefully, you will **easily** earn a $15 Amazon gift card AND be entered into a lottery to win an additional $50 Amazon gift card.

​

**How to participate**: Please send us a private message if you are interested in participating. Once you contact us, we will send you a link to the screening questionnaire. This will tell you more about the study and determine if you qualify.

​

Thank you for your consideration!",5.3526378201749765,9.037545410614527,6.194618952250448,62.681196901022474,83.72067039106145,9.294065563402553,34.96700748392537,9.15654153927966,5.111260187625172,1779,101,218,59,53,581,157,358,0.091,0.741,0.168,0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,0,122.0,6,21,0,6,8,12,0,2,13,0,21,3,0,5,0,54,33,28,4,10,8,0,1,1,0,11,3,1,1,0,3,25,0,0,10,0,2,5,1,2,0,1,2,8,27,10,37,15,4,32,0,0,6,0,35,23,0,11,5,136,30,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050576368387596,0.0,0.41115042221935294,0.4610917935347794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593436038811403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644816826384902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265241385299419,0.0,0.0,0.050495351962501024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114121888906068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167689943612935,0.07128081618652178,0.0,0.042391257898780864,0.0,0.06343909485768395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601051931044323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0308979242794128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04221599835297897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120585221766487,0.06709210776757346,0.0,0.0,0.05048092154374577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735301492142612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607673403354174,0.06942314589607651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119233088102846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489204772366426,0.0,0.0,0.27671558400858043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527822331612476,0.05822676741110053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041766963744657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617803991516421,0.0658394484807499,0.228224976934193,0.0,0.0,0.05218309310840282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449268691100153,0.0,0.4610917935347794,0.0
bpd,needhelpthrowaway619,2019/07/11,"My wife may have BPD and I have a lot of questions. My wife is a self-identified child of a mother with BPD and I suspect she may also have BPD.  We have been married for 14 years and honestly, it's been tough. Lots of ups and downs. I knew her childhood was very hard (emotionally and sometimes physically abusive mother) but until recently when her therapist suggested it, she had never discussed BPD as a specific issue. I'm very new to this but as her spouse, our marriage has been extremely hard on me and her and I feel like I'm playing a game a whack-a mole. I feel like she is never happy for long and there is always another problem, another concern and I can't get to a stable place in my marriage. She is more and more unhappy each day and she says she doesn't feel love from me. That's certainly not how I feel and it feels like no matter what, she will never be happy with me or herself. I don't want to lose her but we have two kids and it's taking a serious mental toll on me. 

​

I would really appreciate any help for where I should start, what I should read or how to address this. She is in therapy but won't talk about it with me and we are in couples therapy but she has never discussed any of this with our mutual therapist.  Where do I start? I had a very stable childhood and no drama so I have no experience with this. I want to be supportive but I also can't like this forever. It sucks for me and I'm sure it's even harder for her. Thanks for reading!",1.7777248140635535,3.7808799705882334,3.7571985575839513,86.91911764705883,79.359477124183,7.227225602884832,23.62361956276764,8.216663640201805,1.4316338967771018,1165,40,244,23,29,395,143,306,0.154,0.718,0.128,-0.6505,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,5,0,0,1,11,18,1,0,9,0,34,1,0,2,6,61,53,33,0,6,9,5,7,4,0,7,0,1,1,2,15,25,0,0,8,5,0,0,13,5,0,1,7,8,46,13,32,37,5,25,0,1,0,1,39,10,1,7,19,184,61,2,0.0,0.1064549142947964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370245687809133,0.07476054139480763,0.09735002021529747,0.10917487371026148,0.12219912791503006,0.18842643961649225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526404793353079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941484750930678,0.0,0.0579443781094037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106664698930186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934360407548937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878883585549074,0.0,0.0,0.2271486582465191,0.19256179246077892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046941750992745016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912892417080849,0.16097190631640204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022306567687075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937777276930368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558032626454054,0.0,0.0,0.0795124482547349,0.0,0.10051667138491273,0.0,0.15277072049994525,0.08109111944842468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054541877007803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771845536872653,0.08677553521434464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387179552248076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597218076366367,0.0,0.0,0.10065006395112784,0.0,0.1797441662417812,0.0,0.057558781529726065,0.0,0.08871383260997437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714505521648671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373081817755813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886174098065883,0.0,0.1271894267388692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195818356074364,0.08468045901418919,0.0,0.06755434062418908,0.0722162333802066,0.0,0.08271975430225276,0.20549750841265785,0.2086403697399646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776821495923652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240145722922625,0.1059890841087586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638252772665762,0.0,0.10917487371026148,0.05785901748602396
bpd,lonelylesbiemon,2019/07/11,DBT youtube channels?? i saw someone a while ago say that there was a DBT youtube channel that was animated and idk if anyone knows what i’m talking ab or if i even actually saw it or just made that up but if i didn’t pls link it or lemme know what it’s called thank uuuu,0.5703954802259901,2.5172372542372905,2.4450000000000003,95.04738700564974,83.23728813559322,5.289265536723164,23.39265536723164,6.42735559955562,0.3570994350282488,214,8,51,2,6,71,42,59,0.022000000000000002,0.885,0.09300000000000001,0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,10,9,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,3,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,6,2,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.33173680550612805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30134029824621983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376971064494128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471213541777305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453014366299096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736492262574696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216637161671978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703375198103916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880338813172265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732345213652943,0.0,0.31297523307862835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nukagal,2019/07/11,"my FP left me, and I blame this stupid disorder. I wish I could just calm down sometimes. I wish I wouldn't follow the anger down it's little rabbit hole. I wish I weren't so scared of being left that I just pushed and pushed and pushed for more. I wish I could have taken care of things by myself so there wasnt so much pressure on him. I'm trying so hard to be a healthy minded person, and I just feel like I'm constantly failing. It honestly feels like a fucking curse. I'm so in love, with every part of him. And I just feel like the monster who drove him away.",1.3337954545454558,3.095481091666666,2.529545454545456,96.35727272727276,79.75,5.363636363636363,18.409090909090907,6.1124844417494595,-0.37400000000000055,441,9,102,3,11,141,74,120,0.131,0.5660000000000001,0.303,0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,13,13,3,2,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,21,24,10,0,7,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,4,4,18,7,12,15,3,14,0,1,0,2,6,8,1,0,4,66,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297421036793356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079413187824272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922853650620613,0.0,0.22051066140147216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582655469526553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634857703026814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094705933503347,0.2959591399654202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766395079814982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370342616565562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000750108253565,0.0,0.0,0.2023945210990602,0.1384045943157666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463354055907633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943368762484162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101513606065485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954032191871766,0.0,0.0,0.12057672315439835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825431444626854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657664950237935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091742276407603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375549298649068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6351965467386907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,judmaine,2019/07/11,"I am trying to do better after I cheated, but I can’t stop thinking about the other person and I want to stop. I have heard it all from other subreddits and people in my own real life. I am one of the worst people in the world and I don’t deserve anything I have. I cheated on my husband. I came clean when he found out and I apologized and we are working things out and I have been good but I can’t stop going between wanting to be with the other person and wanting to be with my husband. It’s all in my head but I don’t know how to move on from it. The person I cheated with was my FP. It’s very hard leaving them completely in my head but I want to make things work with my husband because I love him and he deserves a happy marriage and he has been so generous in giving me a second chance. My FP will never be with me and I know that, but I cannot get my brain to stop thinking about him and I don’t know how to stop being this way. I am constantly switching between despising him and everything to do with him, and idealizing him and everything to do with him. I have heard very unkind things of course, that I 100% deserve, but I am afraid to talk to even my therapist about this because it is so fucked up. I don’t know what to do and I just want to make things work with my husband and me.",1.1215801166342665,2.9248991877256323,3.04875451263538,92.18019091918914,80.5884476534296,5.7055817828381015,22.56720355456817,6.67199483983844,0.4939043043599001,1013,33,225,10,26,340,112,277,0.162,0.6990000000000001,0.139,-0.8778,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,5,10,13,5,1,7,0,30,6,3,4,3,61,52,27,0,6,7,4,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,17,28,0,5,7,0,0,3,8,8,0,2,7,3,48,5,42,40,4,24,0,0,0,2,25,11,1,0,9,180,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741232776591211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295048868528571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394544968719544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857979396412326,0.0,0.12149060476886896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137260283619728,0.1147891290209655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015916893402274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093243758341935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164678363124946,0.0,0.09820128282827163,0.05549703778977412,0.10189860536395626,0.06036887490735325,0.08909465934046712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307616408995433,0.09515477990279947,0.0,0.2180305114137717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23350912941481955,0.0,0.0,0.11247462602621157,0.0,0.0,0.07502831715387924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587023971772693,0.0,0.14180911059840354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289804411269655,0.0,0.0,0.08192558503570364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197932998711007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728305346078396,0.2782490002611502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090482108139132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440351575134859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537787679790401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333287786517395,0.28227887908802096,0.13612658431503516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211832021419662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752898974484184,0.3132648485458294,0.08431472800977705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199442803705345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Willylaly,2019/07/11,"Am I the only one? When I get an argument with someone, I will be awfully mean and really hurtful even tho I know this person doesn't even deserve 1 out of 100 things i am saying to them. I just can't help it and I am always so sorry about being so mad and mean. Anyone else? Advices to how to cope? Please forgive my English.",-0.7100000000000009,1.470638072463771,2.1502753623188404,91.93584782608696,95.81159420289856,4.499130434782608,18.49420289855073,6.2581,0.11201333333333352,253,8,53,3,10,88,53,69,0.20800000000000002,0.73,0.062,-0.8872,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,9,3,1,0,2,1,8,0,0,1,0,11,12,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,9,1,7,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414987347966656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908645722376293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038954109693354,0.2350294252095882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916196016482206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030098871834597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984286170428746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375021976570272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455586548577628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606259458908084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997294634306175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554354832755049,0.17445568812493328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028790595977614,0.0,0.25179304572264605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694826990583204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241412944124208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435500387410254,0.0,0.0,0.2567748707948517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239150599683146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,not-so-simple,2019/07/11,"Quiet BPD Does anyone else with quiet BPD always try to be the neutral one. Like if people are arguing you don’t take sides to protect yourself. Because of this, I’m usually the “middle man” or the “messenger” between people. I hate being put in that position but I also don’t want to be on the fighting end of things.",3.5604761904761917,5.183741238095241,5.4319365079365065,78.56028571428574,73.12698412698413,7.5796825396825405,28.473015873015875,8.238735603445708,2.235212063492064,250,10,44,4,5,86,49,63,0.11800000000000001,0.805,0.077,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,3,1,9,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812376677279688,0.18857612395548304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846648557387644,0.2322114444912752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815286979243854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5708705792246485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832734278045655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932210063440505,0.0,0.2007288382375064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375235209531544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107210326198419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357182644010467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142364277036014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782793117205505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703991901824667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505643461629051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386836967042974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496033213914232,0.0,0.1336735281066968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maceymay23,2019/07/11,"Asking yourself the hard questions Hi fellow BPDers? (Is that what we call ourselves 😂) 

Basically a journal entry trying to discover my emotions.
I’m hoping maybe it can help others who have been through therapy and still finding it hard to cope and hopefully I can also learn something from you lovely people along the way.

Journal entry 1

As I take a deep breath, in, then out, my whole body relaxes.
This is the first entry in over a year.
I would like to explore the depths of my emotions truthfully so I can better understand myself.
I just want to be normal.

I got really angry today, mainly because I was frustrated about a situation. That situation being my grandmas level of perception regarding technology.
In hind sight it’s not her fault but frustrating nevertheless.
I threw my slippers and I yelled saying I was going home. I could feel my energy just turning into something foul.
My grandma was quite upset (she gets angry easily too). Now, not just five years ago here is where I would have just stormed off and did the classic BPD I’m not backing down, I have a right to be angry and I’ll be angry for days!
But, I sat on a chair in the hallway, I took a few deep breaths, calmed myself down, said sorry to my Gma and we made a cup of tea and chilled out before continuing what was being done before the debacle started. Progress 

And then I was sad.
About an hour after our incident, we were hanging up art. I went to hand her something and she flinched.
Is she scared of me? 
When I was angry, was I violent? NO.
But are there levels of anger that maybe i am unable/don’t want to accept/acknowledge/recognise?
Maybe my level one is perceived by others as a level 10 therefore making me a potential threat to their safety?
Maybe I only have one level of anger (10) being my (1) and only?
Is it possible to relearn stages of anger and integrate them into every day situations? 
Maybe it’s not other people making me mad, maybe it’s my inability or lack of knowledge around levels of anger.
Questions I will try to answer in my next entry.

Thanks for taking the time to listen.",3.1510237131289784,5.607643065162911,4.547368421052635,80.68234817813767,76.99498746867168,6.899325236167343,25.017736649315594,7.969615865706242,1.7510482745324856,1649,59,288,28,39,546,224,399,0.20199999999999999,0.7,0.099,-0.9954,0,0,3,0,0,0,52.0,4,1,2,4,17,22,9,2,19,0,36,6,4,4,1,57,63,22,0,9,12,0,4,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,16,20,1,0,11,2,0,6,5,13,0,4,18,9,51,9,48,35,4,54,0,1,1,1,24,27,0,5,20,214,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077573270733853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998255960003928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790339296485779,0.08181102392449642,0.0,0.0,0.06729060007284117,0.0,0.05334592728636055,0.0,0.14893092575764558,0.0,0.0,0.07739641722696904,0.0,0.09720505489074023,0.11021711114287483,0.0,0.08935857215860626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987045711070394,0.0,0.0,0.11287478259244127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955419313692634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968763179186332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373183872034328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424821915826138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998351948320642,0.07443685924532048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045720914700391926,0.0,0.04973454962863455,0.0,0.06999058550398787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567854339091265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865681595971702,0.0,0.08778072404936148,0.1738364479122418,0.08618076207223792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275348144474172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898214439920938,0.0828050768009363,0.11682861838443435,0.0,0.5274997062171265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930690004931527,0.0,0.08574225419725316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859951224778392,0.13311220246792382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133829466001805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865556648683001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606482038600276,0.09307877965063333,0.0,0.0,0.056061823108938286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473396338734722,0.08324305376943747,0.06959230390299423,0.08761383314977705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950982794176808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021108581674705,0.0,0.09796146218357174,0.0619407756180457,0.0,0.06988644209831811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159484595268414,0.0,0.0,0.08056842257706147,0.10007651881935876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102840030470487,0.0,0.08295024837317037,0.0,0.09722800279537763,0.11882852484268623,0.09518689913348502,0.0,0.09110209519250154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323257593135304,0.0694622026841237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112362533907376,0.0,0.09770296845225672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433068626200172,0.0,0.0,0.11270850137379132
bpd,notmytongue,2019/07/11,"lamotrigine rash and reintroduction Hi guys,

I used to take lamotrigine for about a month with impressive results for my bpd/depression, it was so much easier to \_do things\_ and not get all broken up from living and interacting with people. Unfortunately i developed that reaction to it, 'lamotrigine rash'. Not SJS, but a red rash all over the body, which was gone after 3 days or prednisolone. My doctor said to stop taking lamotrigine at this point, and it feels like I'm going back to hell. 2 questions:  


1/ does it make sense to try it again in a while, or it's likely to cause the same reaction?   
2/ what other drugs of this kind should i try if it doesn't work? I've read of Depakote. Is it the the next best thing currently, or there is something newer?  Seems like most mood stabilizers have side effects on appetite and weight. Which are the ones that work better for you?",4.303270223752151,6.4275940602409705,4.957177280550777,80.64096385542172,72.25301204819277,8.357314974182444,25.110154905335627,9.04235418022936,1.974682960413081,698,22,132,15,14,224,115,166,0.08800000000000001,0.757,0.155,0.9228,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,5,5,9,1,0,8,0,9,7,4,5,2,28,20,12,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,18,7,1,1,4,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,4,6,7,22,15,6,19,1,0,1,0,6,7,1,7,13,87,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622776644088562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227423549977328,0.14518486781975115,0.0,0.18234310516386745,0.2067519051408649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686360161942619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586866277549332,0.0,0.14138948988886724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802319783319428,0.14365622420786436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190371762490888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300347845446568,0.11727487713006325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576604958222138,0.0,0.0932950680744442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625427404970667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709458337486782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059867787624564,0.0,0.14495497776850785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957708460823863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102976186539844,0.0,0.12067539809465293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745844448469684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123805937092847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380684599409475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518285900214265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389510814414103,0.0,0.16420294032481048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615234130265326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944374823990306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637724621425092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137243870492015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468535495560841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181192483784964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229057143809218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178025156366308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990084877728515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390187105504849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,secretlyhidden92,2019/07/11,"Confused and new to the term FP  I have been diagnosed with BPD officially since 2013 and I never exactly cared to research too much or look into groups or pages or anything until I happened to start doing it about two months ago. I started by looking at this meme page on Facebook and one thing that was showing up repeatedly in the memes was the term ""FP"" I didn't know what it meant until an ex told me about a subreddit (I think that's the right term to use....had reddit less than 24 hours lol) and that FP meant favorite person and explained a little of what he had read. So I just have a question or two....
Can your FP be a non-significant other? And if they aren't a significant other, how do you distinguish feelings about them as your FP and being in love with them?
My FP is a long term FWB and now that I know about FPs I can't tell if how I feel is FP feelings or if I'm still in love from when we dated.",3.547829238824004,4.196362623036649,4.720104712041884,87.39037051953285,71.98429319371728,7.552315747080144,25.68707209021345,7.61054688173877,1.1130198147402337,715,21,158,8,13,236,120,191,0.034,0.879,0.087,0.9148,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,3,0,12,4,0,1,11,1,16,3,0,2,2,37,35,23,0,3,9,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,11,2,0,0,4,1,0,3,8,5,19,3,24,25,8,28,0,0,2,2,17,9,0,10,19,112,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861800613398513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137967603454393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111583944436359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093770548838386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016854509196458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543175778487809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825872241986554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510858579402335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428004260657502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680365755715404,0.0,0.1483713603026209,0.2815796717966091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026343664448444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382239027484952,0.0,0.12324734465277255,0.0,0.1293075807252777,0.1619243839592576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360886857021996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639181417834382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878144520859392,0.0,0.16770258643221564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317834640780167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868778160410405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373372808355552,0.0,0.13389126927604994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653979658236307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138400454756567,0.10742797431658004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020365468827907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275534769880337,0.0,0.0,0.14480200442941688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,King_Igloo,2019/07/11,Does anyone else have unreasonable triggers? There are lots of things that I unreasonably sad or angry about ranging from someone asking me 'How was the movie?' to the saying 'Welcome to the club.' I wanted to know if anyone else had triggers like that or if it was just me. I honestly feel terrible for having these triggers and don't know what to do with that feeling.,5.538695652173914,7.108468376811597,5.69634782608696,78.80191304347828,68.13043478260869,7.838840579710146,29.74202898550725,8.238735603445708,2.2048237681159417,294,11,51,4,5,93,50,69,0.122,0.745,0.133,-0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,4,0,17,14,6,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,5,3,9,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505109188113436,0.5136268812448752,0.0,0.0,0.2343174322720744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21933943600642952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187602394559476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25346533018202005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754937482516772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224515415192601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308777153131786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993214260647434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236905635362646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651611576627606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478357741946296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SpoopySales,2019/07/11,"Cleaning up after a long period of depression. 4 bags of clothes to Goodwill. 6 bags of trash. 1 bag of books to donate to my friends prison reading program. Soon to be more on all counts. I can sit on my couch again. I can see the floor. I'm finding things I haven't seen in, literally, years. Been at it all day in 20 minute spurts. 

Part tooting my own horn and part ""if I can do it, you can, too"" stuff. Also, I'm only about half done. So there's that to look forward to. 😶",-0.7106321401370934,1.4070333366336671,1.342970297029705,99.27200304645851,91.87128712871288,4.295811119573496,18.66031987814166,5.8734145424116955,-0.4053905559786744,361,11,87,3,13,119,76,101,0.07400000000000001,0.894,0.033,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,2,5,14,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,3,3,8,1,18,10,6,16,0,1,3,0,2,8,0,1,8,57,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761720109463072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743276160475307,0.0,0.22360944337402436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568034995630824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372870404241668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058097663734845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297546237895467,0.21801455290449054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974519299228134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622841020651763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596892323132999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068827106758088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29720161391668354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247931143047596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671861084285331
bpd,illstars,2019/07/11,"Does this sound like BPD? If so I will talk to a DR about it further. CW: Self harm, suicide.

!! I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A DIAGNOSES, MORE SO JUST A SECOND OPINION BEFORE I APPROACH MY DOCTOR ABOUT THE ISSUE. I hope that this does not break the diagnoses/medical advice rule and if it does, just let me know and I will gladly take this down.

For years now I have felt this overwhelming feeling of not knowing who I am. Looking in the mirror feels like I am looking at someone new every single time. My personality feels built up of what others expect of me or rather what I perceive them to expect of me. My likes and dislikes feel made up, like I've decided on them in order to fill my empty shell of a person. I often change my appearance/style as I feel it would somehow reinvent me as a person and awake my true self within me. I enjoy nothing anymore though I feel pressured to pretend to when presented with something that would normally make someone happy. My memory has become absolute garbage too. I don't remember who I used to be as a child and I feel like I have died and been reborn. I truly and honestly don't know who I am as a person anymore and feel like an alien within society. I feel no motivation to build relationships or maintain them though I have an intense desire to be admired. I want to be admired from afar and I seek that validation. I want friends as I feel it is to be expected and I want to fit in, but I have no interest in getting to know anybody. This sounds so narcissistic and selfish but I swear I'm just very sick. Perhaps I distance myself in fear of being abandoned? I often look back on past times I've been abandoned and it was very damaging to me. I disassociate pretty consistently throughout the day and often, time just passes by without being acknowledged. Weeks will pass and I won't even recognize how long it's been until I notice the amount of laundry that has built up. I sometimes feel so numb that I will inflict pain onto myself just to feel SOMETHING. My days consist of me rotting in my own bed. I rarely go out and I officially have no friends as they have all left me for one reason or another. My days are filled with self-pity and self-destruction and I hate it. I hate feeling like this and I wish more than anything that I could communicate with the world like everyone else does. I have hit a point where I have such little motivation I can't even bring myself to start up a video game anymore. Last thing, I have been told that I also project some quite drastic mood swings.

A little background: I have been suffering from mental illnesses due to permanent genetic mutations. I am professionally diagnosed with depression, GAD and ADD. Though, I feel like what I am describing in this post expands past these illnesses and have considered that these symptoms might better align with a personality disorder? Please let me know if this sounds like a personality disorder to you as I am desperate to get further help. I also have a looong history with self harm and suicidal thoughts. I am clean from self harm currently though I still suffer daily urges. I also have no plan to actually commit suicide though it is a constant lingering thought. This is becoming unbearable. Like I've said, this has been going on for years and isn't a recent feeling for me. I feel like I am going insane.

Also note: I am not looking for pity. That was not the intent of this post and the last thing I want is to be considered an attention seeker. I'm just really really desperate for any kind of help/insight/advice.",4.262980756469808,6.124097870072994,5.322163238221634,79.08823490378234,71.75912408759125,8.427073656270737,29.242866622428664,9.045936885302208,2.5882467153284674,2831,115,516,59,55,932,304,685,0.17600000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.141,-0.9939,1,0,2,0,0,3,63.0,0,1,4,5,36,44,2,3,26,0,61,10,0,8,3,115,114,54,4,18,21,0,17,12,2,8,10,4,2,11,39,31,0,2,32,3,0,9,15,18,0,2,14,26,87,25,79,81,7,68,0,8,5,0,27,29,0,14,38,374,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.048270678632484486,0.0,0.0,0.0966731990453506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822848543458504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03363787813980335,0.051868337542832786,0.0,0.0,0.1471678859407979,0.0,0.0,0.04070545842124312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803551125580745,0.0,0.0,0.10926035371458713,0.042091049097948516,0.0,0.0,0.043747749245940916,0.0,0.0,0.06229940239676024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232738303826193,0.0,0.0,0.05345406349418553,0.0,0.039493756260247634,0.0,0.0,0.09570244712807358,0.0,0.042604109109697336,0.10041181354772374,0.051336832879483915,0.0,0.11338228992679834,0.050629496287682096,0.1731485262518343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041321638070899135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534229683393754,0.0,0.041676373498278206,0.047265901860798716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055661847158828735,0.4001756289340042,0.2120267212931916,0.04749413160993446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643303149494754,0.0,0.05168681402246689,0.0,0.08433625291592256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265638398423071,0.0,0.09767284093946707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631065798939434,0.0,0.0,0.04912987968660036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051628580828489576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151015792334588,0.1359232788055652,0.08064111064991775,0.0,0.0,0.05374383833419802,0.10116257331674396,0.0,0.2899930491847852,0.09915379652784168,0.0,0.043774944889131605,0.20769059793035055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046804953846312634,0.03301825384787332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494443436997015,0.0,0.04984905890364756,0.052474519894951006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777357954773618,0.0,0.0,0.04846517152600312,0.04746297605725242,0.05631620007019696,0.0,0.0,0.03351874614099717,0.0,0.05263421924002197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443982838187358,0.0,0.2591454409317212,0.0,0.05429768674303656,0.04676038835756939,0.0,0.09474754227574518,0.05032366092911578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526120879773127,0.0,0.0,0.06337705716914037,0.050858231037289016,0.048840693735952435,0.053106869684586326,0.056034172244566964,0.0,0.047052517070554634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30961653101090275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382302288778859,0.0761611063301385,0.048922123511006166,0.0,0.03501156276899503,0.0,0.03950279165561734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231995723630258,0.0,0.0,0.051413047165074284,0.03719150400666228,0.0397580719209078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572466075198938,0.0,0.2429954261020425,0.0785393271806191,0.08653027133304479,0.0,0.0,0.047265901860798716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272185515321143,0.0,0.08162756689603999,0.1167028916238698,0.0,0.03967781798215432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688227824181149,0.04768246919816068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702769957712009,0.0,0.0,0.06370764219649534
bpd,fleshslush,2019/07/11,"DAE have missing chunks of their day effect their self awareness? These missing chunks mess with my ability to comprehend reality and what little I understand about it and myself already. I will say that I had a long inpatient stay and I genuinely almost died from circumstances I couldn’t control, so I’ve been out of work for 2-3 months. all I’ve done with my time (I think) is hang out by myself and eat, surf social media, and hang out with friends like twice in the past 15-20 days. 
Obviously my mental illness makes my personality go up and down, but my self awareness is gone and I hate not having my cognitive ability to see the shifts in my personality happening. I’m going to start working again and it’s a goal of mine to see friends more and regain what I lost (a sense of self worth) The only thing is a bitch neeeeeds self worth and a personality to go in there confident and get shit done.",5.07771186440678,6.078097180790966,5.829166666666668,79.54171610169493,68.71751412429379,9.289830508474578,29.43926553672317,9.516144504307137,2.512838418079096,719,26,142,15,12,235,110,177,0.14300000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.8340000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,6,4,10,3,0,8,0,11,3,1,3,2,28,28,13,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,7,7,17,1,1,3,0,2,6,2,7,0,1,6,3,20,3,24,20,2,24,0,3,2,0,13,9,2,1,9,89,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804471829056474,0.0,0.14110924998121874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434186282617968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493292596717554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327103064361049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26171363997279445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084434711632031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975862253783217,0.0,0.06680751950291038,0.0,0.21801675990452035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307624097787145,0.0,0.0,0.12624651662862688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247149830999368,0.12816071798199866,0.0,0.11316214936940346,0.0,0.0,0.1395867189258642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535514055615849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128864277587687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206571730801622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725194826838124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206770325853412,0.0,0.3349570761241123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168845550703516,0.0,0.0,0.2037938720997189,0.0,0.5335909573879133,0.0,0.13125813626732008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034877093018274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050802247166134,0.1362938795965861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495206442985809,0.08193481849374487,0.0,0.0,0.07456283127532584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311861849686205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618377836504788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GendervoidDemiqueer,2019/07/11,Quiet BPD is hell They just don’t understand  how fucked up it is. Never see us act out and think it’s all good. Feeling hopeless.,-0.9366666666666674,0.9328405185185176,0.938222222222226,97.95400000000002,106.77777777777777,3.641481481481482,16.511111111111113,5.6839178017228535,-0.4787866666666663,102,3,22,1,5,33,25,27,0.33,0.5489999999999999,0.121,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,1,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,9,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,1,2,8,1,4,1,1,1,1,2,2,2,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45772474380415296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837600765252368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33598325654637184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048260972155227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28029801711345803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896049996769988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328699370489921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37834128248883137,0.4371590409788675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dynobite,2019/07/11,"Broke up with bf/fp of 5 years. Hard time adjusting So we ended things pretty mutually but I'm feeling lost without that ""go to"" person. My friends are pushing me towards someone but I don't want to become clingy and overbearing right away. I'm also not looking for a relationship in general, it just sucks not having the person who gets it  be around anymore. My ex really took the time to understand how I felt and how to break my spirals. I don't want to have to go through the process again with a whole new person but at the same time I'm making myself go crazy with thoughts at night that I have nobody to tell. I'm wondering if it gets easier not having a fp or if people normally just jump onto the next one.",2.5646472148541117,4.538788255172417,4.140689655172416,85.24212201591514,76.79310344827586,7.220159151193633,24.94694960212201,8.139509932561175,1.5650265251989388,567,20,113,10,13,189,94,145,0.10300000000000001,0.816,0.08,-0.0941,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,9,4,1,0,8,0,8,0,0,3,0,33,29,12,0,5,12,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,4,4,10,1,22,24,2,25,0,2,1,0,9,9,1,4,9,76,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289443986228372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240504774881802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680399654576508,0.0,0.0,0.14438342359946044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972278957268258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611109902623428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770307544388605,0.0,0.14755281730511208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872950141371615,0.0,0.16057847081354154,0.0,0.2620124065200909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766328488802795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904892378744473,0.0,0.16775523202907155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257975485817686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842099468019065,0.16343590102329136,0.1442142788749124,0.1505696042317243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413466375716328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065394138290369,0.4025512058552168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634348277345994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984486190274689,0.0,0.0,0.16499024141704852,0.0,0.13123824881036933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020896227458326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431937696585355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209533822016692,0.0,0.0,0.12200137787469595,0.26882869282098565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073941008667798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998187295448169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128387511303864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157348415726892,0.0,0.14813793678840875,0.16665479294177926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989621430197142
bpd,crowdspecter,2019/07/11,"Ex FP coping It's been months after my ex with BPD split bad on me.  I immediately blocked her from everything, she left the state after causing some damage.... Anyway I still think about her every day and I'm not interested in ever seeing her again but what we had was amazing.  It hurts thinking that she might have never even loved me even with how intimate we got.  Seems like a retold story after reading a lot of other peoples' experiences; a lot of things seem almost textbook in how she acted, just happened to be just like me, making me feel as if I won the lottery in finding her.  She was weird, crass, unfiltered although rude in public sometimes, artistic and she was incredible.  She also had a sudden and violent temper, throwing her phone several times and turning things around on me out of nowhere, and absolutely suspicious given how many jobs, residences, phone numbers she had over the course of 9 months.  I promised her I would never judge her and I won't.  I promised I would love her and I always will.  I forgive her for the things she's done and I believe it's something she can't control.  I never want to see her again.  I still feel empty, not shattered anymore but broken.  I miss what we had and it hurts worrying about what she might do next, if she's planning to return to throw another punch at me somehow (friend told me it looked like her and my crazy first ex were having fun trying to destroy my life).  I worry a lot about what kind of damage they're doing that I don't know about....   I never heard of BPD before her, but I tried to relate because I have severe depression and anxiety disorder bad enough to tempt me into paranoia and shaking in fear.  I'm not the man she said I am not one day after she was in love with me. 

​

TL:DR  My ex terrifies me, but I still love her.  I never want to see her again, but I miss her.  I'm not the bad man she painted me as, but I forgive her.  Any thoughts on if my worry about her coming back to haunt me might be good intuition or just my anxiety?   How do you heal from the best relationship you've ever had being torn away violently?  Did I really connect with her or was it all for nothing...  Any thoughts, opinions, experiences, anything would be appreciated I'm feeling pretty low about it today.",4.275178132678132,5.691703204954963,5.2045700245700255,81.71242014742016,71.0045045045045,7.634070434070432,28.09418509418509,8.101407402915765,1.8661990990991002,1789,65,339,25,33,585,219,444,0.247,0.632,0.121,-0.997,1,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,3,1,0,5,28,38,5,2,12,0,35,6,0,7,8,86,71,31,0,8,19,4,3,3,1,8,2,2,0,2,17,23,0,2,13,2,0,5,13,19,0,2,22,9,79,19,50,37,7,51,0,8,4,4,56,17,0,17,31,257,96,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753980596631711,0.0,0.0,0.06021417772543273,0.0626522973120139,0.08158317604536489,0.09149287202957487,0.10240771335469513,0.07895441295664979,0.11520245581406625,0.0,0.07467339158455119,0.0,0.0,0.0619621859121001,0.06702939669839597,0.0,0.0,0.0707430632253731,0.05789797022563891,0.18860702500987708,0.045899737947668925,0.0,0.0640713435149853,0.08483279872585253,0.0790184983767554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966533252485127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734972518236087,0.0,0.06486083008173421,0.0,0.0,0.08445085775388775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711937172039396,0.0,0.06485232771378882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629573035243761,0.0,0.0,0.07705394218821318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780088778712206,0.0,0.0994645853745042,0.13621907136847472,0.06344012088302069,0.0,0.06767118263842767,0.14730785699819388,0.0,0.08472892471016467,0.11421574808023822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881917273092565,0.06404673246501592,0.0,0.0,0.058173496761846674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315470582837014,0.060221083348912775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658399719689884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121183382877818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471965385509031,0.0,0.0,0.07840918897359322,0.04138070812998077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180931579327319,0.0,0.05318378602856059,0.11035745526346352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322966963290426,0.0,0.0,0.19204187976890266,0.27183029069929104,0.0,0.05026065944873741,0.07633831787540185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23963144625947586,0.0,0.0,0.12020108515044038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903645550164275,0.0,0.08007814187493563,0.0,0.0,0.07224853522018672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102251296217013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052200760313110564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766030934229713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531636832329218,0.0,0.048236540640783976,0.0,0.0,0.08083971683976228,0.0,0.0,0.07162373115140888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000347143598874,0.1370932866827502,0.0,0.17012607797398646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796653339293295,0.07446966155825725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039442980464787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006993434567878,0.09649326291247252,0.0,0.1195532142597636,0.043905698541930716,0.0,0.07137179643695205,0.07194854724626996,0.0,0.10224207223372964,0.08190041767996849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882305405390219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294002049740775,0.0,0.1604643374454609,0.0,0.09149287202957487,0.0
bpd,harambexoxo,2019/07/11,Watching children’s movies when sad Does anyone else watch cartoons or children’s movies when they’re feeling low or abandoned? i don’t know why but it’s comforting,2.1204301075268823,4.647446258064517,1.6508064516129046,92.4295430107527,102.54838709677419,3.3569892473118284,27.747311827956988,5.46131890053228,1.1156408602150547,138,7,23,1,6,40,25,31,0.184,0.6579999999999999,0.158,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,2,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33431818146850395,0.4898985899596139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184129933450945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994145523368982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417558589590633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262766618608578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314361091525223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brutallyamish,2019/07/11,"will it always be hard to make meaningful relationships? I didn’t know where else to post this but I’ve been feeling lost and alone. I’ve only been diagnosed since May with BPD and since then, it just feels like it’s even harder to make real relationships and the ones I had before are just falling apart faster. Sometimes it feels like I’m being babied by everyone around me like I’m just this fragile thing that needs to be ignored or placated instead of listened to or treated like a real person. I know I’m not in the place for a relationship right now but I’m afraid that if I start looking or put myself out there, it’s just going to end the same. 

I guess really, I’m just looking for friends and maybe see if other people feel the same as I do.",5.540588235294117,5.517006980392157,6.079215686274508,81.75647058823529,67.43137254901961,8.891503267973857,28.764705882352942,8.515128840125781,1.8975960784313728,600,18,122,8,9,195,95,153,0.07400000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.133,0.8765,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,6,0,11,1,0,2,0,37,33,13,0,3,13,0,6,4,1,2,1,1,0,1,11,7,0,1,7,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,5,10,8,6,15,23,2,16,0,1,3,0,6,7,0,7,9,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662315268430208,0.0,0.0,0.10976304101068814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743145478109886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224912425512397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614110388127018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388996445980875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019724586697664,0.0,0.1168366771007151,0.0,0.0,0.08712797321064318,0.0,0.0,0.1260495094493114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667987901154189,0.1884788198749996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191645294355862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496978364482686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453181770090038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816906101085993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499300291903036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778612879043816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215491248930755,0.0,0.1439997473884069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610727973220314,0.0,0.13252537435612258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781258233699687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938836120956006,0.10032656467206674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145257940826304,0.1151822435042428,0.13782208568110513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633717706855746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261003582045153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002940933386301,0.08450750596104369,0.0,0.0,0.4248789047871239,0.0,0.11265386150886225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511840355403332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824129882462096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130466349461437,0.0,0.09336942993455924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763782050440153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlaBlaFaithFaithYhYh,2019/07/23,"DAE love but also completely hate having an FP? Yeah idk what to say I’m in absolute crisis atm.

For me an FP has always been someone that I feel can help me I guess? I become extremely obsessed and absolutely crave attention from them, but it’s not romantic. It’s a lot more extreme than a crush but not romantic at all. I just want them to look after me and pay attention to me and my problems I guess.

The problem is I’m in a very happy long term relationship and I’ve gotten a new FP, who happens to be my extremely attractive manager. I feel extremely awful thinking about him all of the time, like literally thinking and obsessing about him all of the time when I’m so happy in my relationship. I’m a wreck about it.

It’s just so extremely painful obsessing about someone that you only get to see a very small amount of time and you mean nothing to them. All I want to do is see him and talk to him. I’m just such a shit.",2.5649803664921467,4.224193910994767,4.634211387434559,83.09958933246077,75.8586387434555,8.544633507853401,27.12074607329843,9.188382445141503,2.311473560209424,731,29,152,18,16,252,100,191,0.24600000000000002,0.622,0.132,-0.98,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,3,0,12,13,2,3,12,2,8,3,1,0,4,33,30,14,0,4,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,7,0,2,0,2,8,0,0,2,6,23,5,23,27,8,13,0,0,3,1,16,5,1,3,9,100,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113792406789,0.11839995116271135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571524695019644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919248146665914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389617593074935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434270701280905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135056190588761,0.0,0.12583005499495425,0.3029490751890456,0.0,0.14048579960674734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537662384431962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951762810635012,0.0,0.0,0.1259256529520274,0.1194910660544076,0.0,0.0,0.12097321333431392,0.1284258300340493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499980790329196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742836715479054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653486637603668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822094803603906,0.1514107771513271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27231215327920405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055408639899913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315784676027747,0.0,0.0,0.2267796834434972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460626773778608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24113037529324716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437047332518753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823524133436149,0.0,0.0,0.2489182098418839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23481479385759765,0.16785729675212194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,effycode21,2019/07/23,"Overreacting to FP moving. Basically his mom is a crackhead/junkie so long story short she stole the rent money. They're getting evicted, and hes gonna have to work a lot. He gets to stay at his friends house. I feel like im losing it cos i feel like im never gonna see him again.
We're not exactly in a relationship so im worried everything is gonna fall apart and it makes me want to die. Im so tired of losing people.  
I always end up being in friendships and relationships that fall apart so fast. It feels stupid to get hospitalized over w person moving, but i feel like im losing it.",-0.12044117647058528,2.1923166048387124,2.4805123339658444,90.27018026565466,92.62903225806451,5.175711574952561,17.777988614800762,6.794906146795322,0.15957647058823587,465,13,100,7,17,160,80,124,0.131,0.77,0.099,-0.5769,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,2,2,15,18,8,1,1,2,1,4,3,1,3,1,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,2,4,2,4,0,0,0,5,10,4,11,14,1,18,0,3,1,0,11,8,0,1,8,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403154176087024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728425388970205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009136755720366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015641230932582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285605550236603,0.2421983828835856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730954529720822,0.0,0.1771257324967383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039582750436438,0.0,0.0,0.6103390766016565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562970726437964,0.0,0.0,0.10000834610185713,0.0,0.3792804629281569,0.0,0.0960751896422633,0.0,0.0,0.07543358345419489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235336855056026,0.0,0.2402188123584874,0.0,0.0,0.08715858141619377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834537892340303,0.09867405130589714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265616860301176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900525847554151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204512777303753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298858410069044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665492787122403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227102369936776,0.11476490556841265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lyannaxxcrow,2019/07/23,"Thoughts on DBT??? When I was first diagnosed BPD a couple years ago, DBT was recommended to me by my psychiatrist. I was young and dumb and didn’t want to commit myself to a year of DBT, but after clearly not being able to handle this without therapy I’m considering getting myself a therapist who specializes in DBT. My main question is was it helpful for you? In what ways did it work to help tame your coping mechanisms?",4.915925925925926,6.470629419753088,6.136728395061732,75.11027777777781,69.61728395061728,9.350617283950617,30.78395061728395,9.725611199111238,3.1128172839506165,337,14,60,8,6,113,61,81,0.025,0.7879999999999999,0.187,0.9146,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,1,2,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,2,10,12,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,0,9,1,13,4,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,1,7,45,14,1,0.24212937812898075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146330844606449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049534756127454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679115515253417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457562220175462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595512534466087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650260655084986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245884365832289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712403174158383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768960456750341,0.2811308701279356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222368012042024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281418057634288,0.19219103016392108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334040801093295,0.0,0.1762730710248735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31184676198314165
bpd,sf98_,2019/07/23,"I feel like I am emotionally manipulative I feel like I’m so emotionally manipulative towards my boyfriend. He hurt me in the past, this was before we were together but we were so close and we were best friends. He made me feel like he liked me and led me on but then he stopped talking to me and pursued something romantic with another girl. About 5 months later he told me he liked me and we got together but I can’t help but feel like a second choice. He does make me very happy, but I think about the other girl every day and why I wasn’t as good as her. I end up bringing her up to my boyfriend all the time and it really upsets him and he apologises and says he cant change the past. I don’t know how to deal with my insecurities, I hate bringing him down about it.",1.4385624999999995,3.547152731250001,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,81.0625,6.75,22.5,7.865858978985527,0.9690625000000002,607,20,136,11,16,204,86,160,0.09,0.667,0.243,0.9834,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,4,0,0,1,6,14,1,2,5,0,9,0,0,6,1,34,23,19,0,0,5,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,15,0,1,6,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,8,5,28,10,16,15,2,19,0,1,0,0,25,7,0,0,15,82,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625787316363514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868796286768117,0.0,0.146376587202464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755228553594935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995363412183388,0.1437986714667729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220606654787149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137944519149404,0.12353866709726175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175186643296174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28210291264624826,0.3985806984796527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776258846419187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169899516548111,0.11155560836172568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847999945364493,0.0,0.13770850058438452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349109943615463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931717596046426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665504858378397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088599000399704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198018921332708,0.09310457616612514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133231448200988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663005813453176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935502879067538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092080089471863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737920239333702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116612268333674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210945474080128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937372136467182,0.0,0.0,0.08133242776476955,0.0,0.0,0.13327996629182054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508634063968433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585980701433627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,piipppaaaa,2019/07/23,"Those with BPD, what's something you wish your significant other would understand more about your condition? My boyfriend of 8 months has BPD and I'm looking to support him anyway I can. I have my own mental health issues so understand a more-than-average-amount of his behaviours and feelings but what is something you would want a SO to know about your condition?",7.823656716417908,8.497205358208959,6.9693656716417935,74.92927238805972,62.58208955223882,10.87910447761194,36.15298507462686,10.686352973137794,3.97470447761194,297,13,51,7,4,91,48,67,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.6007,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,15,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,1,7,13,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233925007899399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506166347765378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086431792256292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168721608272116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141924674598686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448594570624176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939706159173305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585093785209878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199240311423331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357904390178332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43262024322335946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255618823482285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894095861471004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952071059240665,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Goldwood,2019/07/23,"Is this splitting or something else? The person I’m seeing has BPD and I am used to her splitting on me every once in a while but today I think I made her really upset and she hasn’t been returning my messages. 

Is there anything I can do to determine if if this is just a normal case of splitting or if I should be worried that it’s more serious? I know I should probably just give it time and see if she comes back around but my anxiety is so bad that I really fucked up things with her that I don’t know what to think.",3.895868725868724,4.051700054054057,5.264555984555988,85.56162162162164,70.98198198198199,8.865379665379669,26.66795366795367,8.841846274778883,1.7179359073359068,410,12,91,7,7,138,71,111,0.201,0.799,0.0,-0.9741,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,3,0,14,1,0,2,0,25,26,13,0,7,10,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,17,0,9,21,1,10,0,0,2,1,8,4,1,6,5,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534592627707532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650775810731323,0.1785774743883237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542498337203799,0.16749350701409116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526500142445713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280005181672006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757644609067054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901504593805916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545244866355445,0.0,0.19243481689738615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049019416071144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981357446540031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965464483660448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363358329823506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751571091213225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162818725399908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25702035301377163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197061477847461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443249741503506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327043146784073,0.25707412023910103,0.0,0.0,0.11697209199349275,0.0,0.1901463503784371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325490932116366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372011508504226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DawidIzydor,2019/07/23,"Do you want to take advantage of someone who you just told you are BPD diagnozed? As in title - when you talk with someone and finally decide to tell them you are BPD diagnozed, do you immidiately want to take advantage of them?",9.145813953488373,7.573113930232557,9.260116279069766,66.96598837209304,60.86046511627906,14.181395348837205,40.1046511627907,13.023866798666859,5.3232883720930255,181,8,33,6,2,60,26,43,0.0,0.8490000000000001,0.151,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,6,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,8,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6221465029229774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27056372637388504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185449502544694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37140908686138735,0.19851992520749548,0.2158787535370688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360080066492403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29136032253724153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spookymouse1,2019/07/23,"Navigating College with Borderline Personality Disorder Tips I started my academic career in 2002 and was diagnosed with BPD in 2005. I finally graduated with my bachelor's last month. It took me 17 years. I'd like to share some advice on making it through school with BPD.

​

* Register for accommodations at the Office of Disability Services. Accommodations can include extended deadlines and frequent breaks.
* Seek services at counseling centers for reduced fees or no fees. They will refer you to other affordable organizations if you are ineligible or waitlisted.
* Speak to your professors about your concerns but avoid oversharing (they don't need to know about your last relationship). Almost always professors are very supportive and compassionate. (They were some of my greatest cheerleaders.)
* Remember that your classmates care more than you know. (I cried after a presentation once and they came up to me and told me I did a good job and high-fived me. I will never forget that.)
* Seek psychiatrists with sliding-scale fees or apply for Medicaid. Prepare to be waitlisted.
* Give weeks or months for your medications to work. Try different doses. (Two of my medications weren't effective at low doses.)
* Learn and practice DBT. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. It's not easy but changing one's behavior isn't. It takes self-discipline but your life will improve. (I started DBT two years and these two years have been the best in my life.)
* Group therapy isn't that bad. It's cheaper than individual therapy.  If possible, find a DBT group or a smaller group. (I have group therapy weekly and it's nice to meet others like me.)
* If you struggle with procrastination at home, change the scenery. (For major assignments, I went to coffee shops. Not only did I get my work done, I also got myself out of the house and mmm, coffee.)
* I can't recommend this enough: (Visit [GetStudying](https://www.reddit.com/r/GetStudying/) subreddit and visit their [Discord server](https://discord.gg/2sBxe4z) for study sessions. I've made a few study buddy friends from around the world. This helped me *so much* during finals. We're all very supportive of each other.)
* Stop doubting your skills and abilities. (Ex: If an English teacher compliments your essays, take the compliments. They teach English for a living and have been doing so for years. You should believe them of all people.)
* If needed, have someone hold yourself accountable for your assignments. (Ex: Have a friend check on your homework twice a week.)
* YouTube is a great resource for study music. (I like binaural beats and anime piano music.)
* Use your school's writing or math tutoring services. (I book appointments for essay review and revision.)
* I've hired private tutors from [Wyzant](https://www.wyzant.com) for more advanced classes. Some of them charge less than $25 per hour. An hour is usually all I need. Totally worth it for major assignments in classes you're struggling in.
* Book a study room at your school or local library.
* If you feel like giving up, give yourself a break for a few hours. Use DBT and/or self-care to reduce your negative emotions.
* Instead of thinking about the ""grand scheme"", which is always overwhelming, think about weekly assignments and tests. Each essay submitted and test taken is a step towards graduation.
* Stop thinking about your failures and start thinking about your successes. However big or small they are. Making to class is a success. Getting a good grade on an essay is a success.
* Stop comparing yourself. Don't measure someone's success to yours. I used to be jealous of other people for having nice jobs, happy families, etc. **However**, they didn't have to struggle with BPD and depression. They didn't go through the same obstacles and encountered setbacks. They'd be in a much different place if they did. Instead of hating my life, I felt good that I've made it through it so far. I'm resilient and I've survived through so much. (Plus, I hate kids so I'm happy not having the stress of raising them. Also, I hate the suburbs.)
* If you are in a crisis and need to speak someone, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text [HOME to 741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/) if you'd rather text. Look up hotlines in your state too. (One night I was desperate to talk to someone and called. I felt better after a few minutes. I thought calling a hotline was stupid for the longest time but it's a great resource.)
* Avoid toxic friends and relatives. Don't get drawn into the drama. As much as you want to engage with them, don't. They will distract you from school. Surround yourself with positive influences even if they're online. (I only have two friends but they're all I need.)
* Keep a stash of your favorite snacks. Treat yourself with every assignment completed or chapters read.
* Take it one day at a time. You will graduate. Every day is closer to that.

​

Feel free to reach out to me!

​

\- Spooky Mouse",3.932862546786652,7.23850656235566,4.013237636378118,79.58659930715937,83.2609699769053,7.004682647129092,28.13526319980887,8.07648339933343,2.630497762204348,3977,179,627,87,116,1225,402,866,0.102,0.71,0.18899999999999997,0.9982,7,2,0,0,0,1,233.0,0,29,16,13,20,51,5,9,39,0,53,9,0,9,6,128,106,63,1,19,32,2,4,4,4,6,8,2,4,2,25,43,1,8,16,5,8,8,17,17,0,8,24,7,83,35,108,71,27,83,0,3,1,0,75,38,0,27,38,411,108,47,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050282234023598084,0.0,0.0,0.05152577820090468,0.0,0.0,0.0822987323517554,0.08563107298775259,0.1672577511656631,0.18757411472734548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580677331288164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296363319872151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057973321738481826,0.0539999257184864,0.0455086743236492,0.0,0.0,0.19442119398829566,0.0,0.1576270699895642,0.058851986809566714,0.052462848858454585,0.0,0.10886730741321776,0.0,0.05395066528422232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652202943562711,0.0663697610871087,0.0,0.044319000628411216,0.05222678423181201,0.0,0.10752119264929808,0.05897306484661025,0.0,0.0,0.05265738073939478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057881104547280675,0.0,0.05316783092112963,0.0573870718559316,0.03398622051911372,0.0,0.0867078440018207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485081627564446,0.0,0.05203542663143068,0.036760195947445486,0.09881171054401536,0.1127351247857572,0.04702987644436003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901919517359056,0.0,0.08065095096499332,0.14808392937548698,0.029243645930605494,0.12947662231865667,0.041154085363949135,0.11346090277623296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955179505705484,0.0,0.15240652097063773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03448989023025257,0.054366117623767966,0.10322918103409358,0.0,0.15202146460893612,0.05937334650281757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212433394134993,0.045736481030916334,0.0,0.0,0.05655777346066751,0.08388705944694902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903474074932444,0.10055526252928207,0.0,0.04543661453099045,0.0,0.04321010312169722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737787374388893,0.06869459512767333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036730674436296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821434196136867,0.0,0.15130440171173729,0.19076995999965848,0.039686060161277056,0.0,0.0,0.0482879955827453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479898937802829,0.10460380669818656,0.07826925441331091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134626036340096,0.0449294179971038,0.05376059632464905,0.0,0.0,0.05800893899646588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146995169982043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524451608327163,0.058289647801934935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208304985591748,0.0,0.0,0.10735971654054524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743940986759726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926252219231816,0.0,0.0,0.12905862778121802,0.05894270504024623,0.16137903506505147,0.0,0.05628454185202796,0.1167833792438948,0.0,0.0,0.1160655854954363,0.041358405357338285,0.0,0.0,0.1765333538258837,0.0,0.0,0.1318837775115374,0.0,0.04085033771872222,0.06000884624706958,0.0,0.0,0.04916843886765745,0.057169539274382425,0.03493526464905358,0.0,0.20106024597893374,0.0,0.0,0.13332445848171298,0.056671544052682175,0.08491322231962466,0.030350097885502036,0.0,0.1650996842165937,0.0,0.0,0.04770025251534788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492120094227075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757411472734548,0.13254397726149905
bpd,alisayswhatever,2019/07/23,"I either feel too much or nothing at all And when I fly over the handlebars, stand the fuck back. Especially when I deal with ""unreasonable anger"". The voice of someone I can't stand can even set me off for no reason. maybe because they did something that harmed me in the past. Something someone else would tell me to ""get over"". But I can't, I try but letting go seems impossible. 

I never forgive, I never forget. 

Can anyone else here relate?",2.5201045751633977,5.070052199999999,3.5027450980392167,86.77124183006538,79.94117647058823,5.660130718954249,23.562091503267972,6.937597516519254,0.9066993464052286,347,12,66,4,9,111,62,85,0.12300000000000001,0.877,0.0,-0.7821,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,3,15,12,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,2,12,1,9,9,3,15,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,2,6,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224661943610328,0.20844339958469754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642910873657126,0.0,0.12401220751632655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097327546926226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398880047381502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436702858795768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286294785028886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807256097302136,0.10628649364786576,0.0,0.11561691028762415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208026271488859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437799834604312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495482769174874,0.0,0.3138035297119754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952015576361576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420191414878898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916526399699786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851997623230428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34473996349766234,0.313228706286832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778113284344785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811914452762644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144514526691083,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mexi_chu98,2019/07/23,"DAE struggle with deciding if your BPD is acting up, or you’re making a wise choice for personal mental health? What I mean is, my [21F] best friend [20F] and I are currently drifting apart due to an...incident. I don’t exactly feel comfortable going into detail since this is my first post (although if any of you guys need background info I’ll happily add to the post if necessary). Anyways,  the drifting apart is hurting me mentally and emotionally, and I think it’s safe to say this person is my FP...
I’ve tried to tell my FP why what they did is affecting me so much, but for some reason they’re much more dismissive and distant than they’ve ever been in the 2 years I’ve known them. 
While I very much wish I could have a conversation and patch things up, I don’t have the right to force communication. I can’t really bring myself to even be angry because I love them so much. But their neglect is taking a toll on me. I haven’t been able to stomach solid food for about three weeks and I’m miserable. Not to mention my meds are reacting poorly to my empty stomach. 
I’m sure many of you are used to the black and white thinking. Cutting people off is probably my go to method to find immediate relief from people who hurt me mentally/emotionally. I don’t think it was always this way for me, it just sort of became a coping mechanism. 
My FP has taught me to acknowledge the grey areas in life and was a rock for me on my worst days. The love I have for them is clashing with my instinct to run away. 
Anyways, I’ve decided to write a letter to them and simply left it with their roommate because I didn’t have the nerve to hand it to them personally. The letter basically explains why I’m hurt and my decision to terminate the friendship. While in the moment, delivering the letter relieved some anxiety, I can’t help but cry when I think about how our last interaction is playing out. I hate myself for the way I’m handling this, but I really do think cutting her off will be better for me in the long run. 

TL;DR My best friend and I are drifting apart and they don’t seem interested in repairing our friendship. I’ve decided to cut them off, but I can’t help but feel I missed out on an opportunity to use the “grey area.”",5.165911717495987,5.619091779775282,6.226641252006424,78.72757022471913,68.28089887640449,9.593097913322632,29.825441412520064,9.606745405546679,2.5828250401284105,1762,62,350,36,28,589,218,445,0.11,0.715,0.175,0.9853,1,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,2,3,10,5,11,28,4,2,22,0,38,8,3,7,3,68,66,29,0,6,12,0,3,0,2,1,2,1,0,4,13,19,1,2,19,2,1,9,10,12,0,2,7,8,58,16,56,55,10,50,0,6,4,2,37,24,0,8,13,234,71,1,0.09432110997908164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848271940917817,0.0,0.0,0.06414158919445488,0.0,0.07215539096576651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861778768642319,0.0,0.0,0.11499454637271353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979683715459963,0.08341935685279729,0.0,0.0,0.11879413615166845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530773133972543,0.0,0.10360731033390397,0.06082931294576615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121971069042778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062298203577609075,0.08531884396153497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538317447535782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620778574989801,0.08022948796424548,0.11405346058386988,0.0,0.1457445111924178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720972086388908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339272802307724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312256874462972,0.0,0.10025892925381644,0.0,0.0,0.126442903630621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029180970846118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688429350380305,0.0,0.0,0.10248016197211532,0.0,0.0666217893848388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347121421925084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702569685962409,0.0,0.06296007332645923,0.09562680123518737,0.0,0.1027433399481143,0.10476949001459562,0.0,0.19010698859417632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773474742425393,0.06993790791104411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078076304838154,0.24707266529676986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066710119399407,0.0,0.10169410949956252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084903656530835,0.09697781021717967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805497125603465,0.0,0.07500793242751426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586639607180956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802339686215275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860490345870784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889652991079873,0.0,0.07091773629729907,0.0,0.0824408074929256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266275435653354,0.3021857937754929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403784227553012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292631012416836,0.0,0.0778247938384869,0.0,0.14973541363020973,0.07565870506357017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022026209190164,0.0,0.10846462158722477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073970238746473
bpd,thelaziestvegan,2019/07/23,"DAE feel hopeless/unable to do anything whenever they aren’t with their FP? When I leave him, I literally lay in bed for the rest of the day and just constantly count down until I can see him again. It’s awful.",3.919457364341088,4.8339268372093045,5.093023255813954,84.0773643410853,71.32558139534885,8.524031007751939,25.96124031007752,8.841846274778883,1.7180449612403101,166,5,35,3,3,55,39,43,0.107,0.893,0.0,-0.4939,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,7,5,1,7,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,5,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981086851628636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227929560222486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119972674487185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24461306856637205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122518370794544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855090234108867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vndeadnightmare,2019/07/23,"Deleted all of my social media again So that I can save everyone from me, so nobody has to be around me. But then I realized, in trying to save them from my BPD, I pulled a BPD move by deleting everything. I fucking hate myself and I can never escape this stupid shit. I just want to be normal.",3.968,4.570144466666669,5.403333333333336,83.04000000000002,71.0,8.0,25.0,8.07648339933343,1.3905000000000007,228,6,46,3,4,77,45,60,0.195,0.6829999999999999,0.122,-0.7081,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,4,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,2,11,8,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,12,2,9,6,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,3,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067291428585106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6244126268296774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23686764884529504,0.22278578984061287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291685020644999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447381228174569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634657604276213,0.0,0.0,0.1911865411801408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24287765129410166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544535146983823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526906433613383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829970993145998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621079078213844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,astrowifey,2019/07/23,"You DO have people in your life that love you - an open letter Hey there,

My bestfriend with BPD recently passed away (not premeditated or planned, and not on purpose) and I just wanted to say something to this community for her.

I joined this sub for more information on this condition that plagued her for most of her life, but I definitely learned more from being with her and living with her.

There were times when she'd crawl into my bed, convinced everyone hated her, or she'd split and say the most awful things to me and others.

But you know what? I loved her regardless. I loved her so so much. I understood that it wasn't really her, you know? And she'd always apologise afterwards, that was the thing, she always said sorry. And I know she meant it completely.


Even when it doesn't feel like it - when it feels like a lie, when it feels like no one can or does love you, when it feels like you are 'too much' for your friends and family, and when you think the days are just ticking away until everyone leaves... I really want you to hold on to the fact that you are ill, your thoughts are not an accurate reflection on reality, even when it feels so real and true - and that it. will. pass.

I would have followed Roh to the ends of the Earth and back. Through everything, I loved her and I will love her for the rest of my life.

You **DO** and you **WILL** have friends that love you in your life. There are people that are going to stick through this all with you, like I would for Roh. There are people that will forgive, will understand, and will never *ever* stop loving you. I promise you that it is true.

I never thought I'd be someone's FP, and I never thought I'd lose them. And it hurts me so much that she is gone. The thing I found with her is that all her emotions were intense... which included love and happiness on the right days. She loved deeply and truly, and you do too. And that is what matters most to your friends.

We may not understand fully, but we are willing to try if you'd let us. 

We love you.




- for my best friend, Roha",2.0905665024630515,4.3111957290640435,2.8423916256157646,92.76230665024636,79.39408866995073,6.424532019704434,21.23374384236453,7.554174236665415,0.6328435467980298,1590,45,344,24,40,498,169,406,0.08,0.6829999999999999,0.23600000000000002,0.998,1,0,1,0,0,0,68.0,4,23,1,3,23,30,1,0,12,1,41,16,0,0,9,87,76,40,0,6,13,0,5,5,4,10,5,3,1,0,35,31,0,2,21,0,0,5,10,3,0,1,12,8,70,27,38,47,12,37,0,2,0,11,70,12,0,8,25,264,105,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276935402914763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273321152493273,0.0521059640433339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111363350271956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853457811931248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104876140480773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740372885357367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930031295199693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622483921489526,0.06001836539075469,0.0,0.0,0.08951433165810674,0.061295983322736176,0.0,0.1295018944938456,0.060901482307342526,0.0,0.06388141580296905,0.0,0.17131635874447165,0.1936410887468953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429920198301411,0.20941570965163028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03851156999426085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721355270363399,0.0,0.06690244681836738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254224961691685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172317517378108,0.0,0.0,0.07175178333925106,0.0,0.06929279026016195,0.19145351256306228,0.16552916488154265,0.0,0.059836429594476964,0.0,0.0,0.07581004557856226,0.0,0.0,0.6727514465383381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944195238485136,0.0,0.1567902122044831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045918314846728064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409360775158132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712972101708712,0.08682209211854172,0.0,0.06690830089127446,0.0,0.0,0.057869675777324776,0.0644586251552576,0.10777654177364736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741581054635868,0.05216766827779665,0.0,0.0758557126945544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665333692150795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505721483028255,0.04342012740815193,0.0,0.16138999672718213,0.039513453418272296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600698192669564,0.0,0.0,0.14108842813808595,0.08151117098869888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993735950871424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627452067358801,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaytwinkies,2019/07/23,"I can’t handle things the way they are anymore I’ve been trying so hard to tell myself that I’m okay, and to go to work every day and be strong and not let myself spiral, but truth is I’ve been spiraling for months. I finally broke down. 

I’m meeting with my company’s HR in about 15 minutes to discuss short-term disability options, so that I can take some time to get help. Has anyone else experienced short-term disability for their BPD and other mental health issues?",6.810000000000002,6.144808510638299,7.307957446808512,76.15300000000002,64.95744680851064,10.073191489361703,30.50212765957447,9.3871,2.481764255319149,376,11,73,6,5,124,71,94,0.055999999999999994,0.835,0.11,0.6081,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,0,1,10,14,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,8,3,11,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,42,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361991919858506,0.1665329795239438,0.24403181272460756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999649362341655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359900387379996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989592524514024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006672654621227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26090199188684754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443323110594333,0.0,0.13535666879028652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335222905648368,0.0,0.0,0.25316201872228833,0.0,0.0,0.15963935070160978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485860756327849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435434666048999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400178685525145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901038548397084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907310020025682,0.0,0.20816979999026006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822859379874168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887798985849029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170080356683625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904709969959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338953230007648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dothemost,2019/07/23,"New to BPD After a manic episode after taking antidepressants. I ended up at my ex’s house. After calling him 40x times because I heard voices telling me we were married in a past life lmao. When we were together two years ago. At first the relationship was toxic because he had his own mental issues. But we kept going, eventually he messed up and I completely blew up. I held onto the situation for the next two years of our relationship. I always justified my actions by bringing up how he messed up that one time. After he had broken up with me and told me to take care of myself and that he’d still be my friend (he was). I dated another person. He quickly broke up with me saying I was manipulative, sex-crazed and clingy. I didn’t understand and blamed him also for the break up. I continued through life losing friends and blaming them for the loss of friendship. Before my manic episode I wasn’t talking to anyone in my family, even my mother, blaming them for the loss of the relationship. After I had ended up at my ex’s house. He got mad at me and proceeded to say how manipulative and controlling I was. (I didn’t allow him to hang out with his friends because they didn’t make eye contact with me when I first met them). Looking through our old texts I was constantly paranoid that he didn’t want to talk to me. He had spent the entirety of our relationship tending to my commands and when he didn’t respond fast enough I’d explode and claim he didn’t love me. Thinking back on it I have been feeling a lot of regret because I now realized how patient he was with me and how much he loved me. After I had gotten out the psych ward. I had sent him a message apologizing and he said that he understands and to never contact him again. Lately I’ve been trying to date other men because of fear that I’ll be alone: and every date I am so disconnected. I avoid contact and feel that the only way that I can become attached is by having sex with them (I haven’t, I have been extremely avoiding that). But that is how I became attached in my past relationships in the first place. I’m not sure where to go from here. I feel ashamed about my actions because I wasn’t aware of them, and constantly justified my anger. 


How have any of you gotten past the things you have done?",4.253776792313373,5.566714436807097,5.281463414634152,81.53894308943093,70.9290465631929,7.950036954915004,28.52254249815225,8.391295532112219,2.0005101256467106,1805,67,350,28,33,594,209,451,0.12,0.799,0.081,-0.9353,0,3,0,0,0,0,42.0,6,2,6,7,20,20,2,4,16,0,39,6,1,11,2,57,69,29,0,2,3,3,3,0,3,0,2,5,0,2,12,27,0,5,7,0,1,7,11,13,0,6,37,10,71,7,63,29,4,72,0,5,2,3,69,23,0,1,40,249,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386448065237006,0.0,0.0,0.08630178538725045,0.0,0.06663668259284296,0.06933485447115427,0.0,0.0,0.05666531162305781,0.08737577019629905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826427272634866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407342606733314,0.0,0.3047727014717615,0.09202827784723636,0.07090525757195168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494761399844142,0.0,0.08508632499173918,0.0,0.08495757121397665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873669194040934,0.18009406852762025,0.09345847133377434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527259330080528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760622389976435,0.08609920886990884,0.0,0.05503678913504531,0.0,0.07020670809804798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855341029913733,0.0937661971917853,0.12639811485314525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263406444778413,0.0,0.0,0.193135021624532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947134662247894,0.0,0.06664432477708143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922966603409049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697188357552249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399664175862342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771284446765724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997380990554551,0.09322175378042144,0.0,0.07084175338819018,0.15041199169940764,0.0,0.05562151202768782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397415690583948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125503457739461,0.0,0.06426702620459213,0.08047786965546211,0.0886193571732675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743781477435324,0.0,0.05646462560449941,0.06337404373163501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386355472235317,0.0,0.07275804330393948,0.08705912450694475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473108124559903,0.0,0.0,0.07926319048338798,0.13253017016216392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366319499998703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654516048375726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853484194681251,0.0,0.12530327599789812,0.13395039518050622,0.07283159188464587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055358848250661515,0.05339266578019161,0.0,0.0,0.09717744917472954,0.0,0.0,0.07962265179020847,0.0,0.05657365733814479,0.0,0.16279701291233026,0.17349297983900208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914850524826524,0.06614120402162423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731989047677133
bpd,edhardyparty,2019/07/23,"Resources to provide family & friends who don't understand? My father doesn’t understand mental illness, and he certainly doesn’t understand mine. I don’t even know why I’m still trying to get him to understand but whether he gets it or not, I have to know that I tried. Does anyone know of any good resources for those with BPD to provide their family and friends to help understand them better? Any tumblr or Instagram pages? I like things I can print out that have brief and to-the-point explanations, and also may have pictures etc.",6.0232956152758135,7.41448683168317,5.809420084865633,79.11079207920794,66.82178217821783,9.731824611032534,31.26025459688826,9.957137785484203,3.111021499292788,434,17,78,10,7,135,66,101,0.017,0.7659999999999999,0.217,0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,1,21,20,9,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,10,6,10,19,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,3,2,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000213100463163,0.0,0.14904003605326424,0.0,0.18708329376670876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618117096996308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165560785069368,0.0,0.0,0.17324483654472905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037470254297215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534094150876371,0.09085332361905098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593479205255145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254823543297616,0.0,0.1437328979467987,0.0,0.0,0.1153740279535042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921997536299278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267887521873085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720208711522932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862239009406768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003328324376412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985104864816174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138497056858046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678069266881966,0.0,0.0,0.7159944325726227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412136843632518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RobinTheBird1103,2019/07/23,"Input welcome: TW: Self harm/Abuse/physical harm. 

I've been questioning if I have BPD. 

I show pretty much all of the symptoms: substance abuse/self harm/unstable self image/unstable intense relationships/anger/unstable emotions for seemingly no reason ect.

I have extreme breakdowns almost weekly. 
And at least one minor breakdown/episode a day. But as soon as the episode is over I'm numb. As if it never happened.

I can be crying then all of a sudden it all dries up and I'm flatlining again.

It's very hard to care about people properly. I'm known to be blunt and aggressive/uncaring by those around me. I can say I care about 12 People all in all. When I have.. a lot of people around me that I have no sympathy for. I don't care. I've also caused physical harm to a number of people.

I've been though COCSA, CSA and Family abuse. The COCSA happened when I was 6. The CSA when I was 12-14 by a group of pedophiles online. And the family abuse.. is still on going. They've hurt me and gaslight me my entire life. 

Any advice?? I'm just. Doubting myself a lot.",0.9581428571428569,3.5216357190476195,2.7873809523809534,88.4367857142857,89.42857142857143,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.906904761904762,831,28,160,14,28,275,117,210,0.147,0.747,0.105,-0.8254,0,0,0,0,4,0,41.0,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,11,0,15,3,0,2,6,27,26,18,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,2,17,4,24,20,9,19,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,8,11,104,22,0,0.0,0.289568326611801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941007155526552,0.0,0.0,0.12236323587021275,0.0,0.0,0.09772136928540888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830985521386736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756352657043765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390358799562653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737657638625061,0.12553058671891146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342283156350914,0.07880733696913826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745584240439468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039402676671394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944770694698289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611785211935386,0.0,0.10946503938388542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081504839769684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631177225721699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777604389377954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898292895386569,0.0,0.09424631533635984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280425008510663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388656936442411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431888076135075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688926802848164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563947541423542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717642892734496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124409732508046,0.3824362128055912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758715393326732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701008555588952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005851261769172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008258100506827,0.0,0.0,0.09801953656634917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idekam12345,2019/07/23,"Questioning my sanity: is it me? Mobile:

I have dated a pwdBPD in the past but he was not diagnosed when we were together. There were definitely the classic traits that took me leaving the relationship to notice. 
There was a point when we were in the “hovering” phase, after he had an episode, that I even suggested he may have BPD. 

Flash forward years later to the man I am dating now. Our relationship was very intense in the beginning; he was the one that brought serious topics, i.e. soulmates, marriage etc. I was hesitant to respond the same because...we’d known each other less than two weeks. I now know this is considered “love bombing”. 
Once I started to reciprocate these feelings out loud, he started to become distant. Push/pull is what we went through. After searching the web I realize we showed traits of an “anxious-avoidant trap” relationship. Our arguments were just going in circles and were brought up out of nowhere time and time again. 

He’s starting make me question reality. He’s blamed ridiculous outcomes on me. For example, I’m the reason he didn’t buy a car. What??? Talking about past events with a completely different outcome than I remember. I have moments of clarity where I know it’s not me and I set boundaries. But that’s when his push/pull becomes pull and I end up back to questioning myself. 

I’ve read a lot on here how people who were with pwBPD wanting to get back to how things used to be in the beginning and that’s where I find myself. If we said these things, and meant them, how could I just give up?
Even if he didn’t mean them, I did and that’s what is messing me up. 

These revelations have only come about recently. But after reading and reading about BPD, I’ve come to wonder am I the one with BPD? Was i mirroring him or was he mirroring me? Did I love bomb him or did he me? 
I’ve had three serious relationships and they all seem to have the same build: intense beginning fading into an anxious-avoidant type. They start to push and I try to be understanding and ask if they could just let me know if they need “me time” but it somehow is too much to ask. Then I finally free from the relationship and they come back months later saying they were wrong. 

Is it me? Am I love bombing these men?? Am I discarding them??
I understand that I do develop some mild form of anxiety/neediness that I project onto my relationships (I am currently in the process of finding a therapist) but I do know that stems from childhood and my relationship with my parents and to their own relationship with each other. 
I also have a high sex drive and have read that this might also be stemmed into a personality disorder. (??)

I don’t know y’all. The only thing keeping me from believing it is me is that I’m a very empathetic person.",4.017904279085755,6.002361241965977,4.913986509709574,81.24554240419319,72.68620037807183,8.514194878845164,29.98113937102595,9.157702336890667,2.697619659735349,2183,95,414,49,44,709,240,529,0.069,0.8590000000000001,0.07200000000000001,0.8190000000000001,4,2,0,0,0,0,70.0,7,1,10,0,30,9,1,0,28,0,52,5,0,6,1,89,94,35,0,8,16,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,4,31,34,0,1,21,5,2,13,5,5,0,4,27,4,69,5,55,59,12,75,0,0,0,4,61,22,0,16,41,306,100,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033079474102612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594051252008758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076907454477777,0.0,0.0,0.14900113285209332,0.0,0.0,0.1426729560681989,0.0,0.07277274755289091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440530237833563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692013765321742,0.06772318761981712,0.0,0.0,0.1031424622073906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555923432412397,0.0,0.06748459786856804,0.07402770501683903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720909048412731,0.0,0.07203683983833571,0.08532444137913263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265951348396246,0.0,0.0,0.07075707006565954,0.11807132050731756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03374650683264289,0.06196226175489945,0.03670896196761228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824469660566404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057412086942934926,0.0,0.0,0.17748959550625085,0.0,0.0,0.06839330326188839,0.0,0.06604940807837976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491356898868102,0.1748896425032716,0.0,0.04311547345885389,0.0,0.0,0.07035931682667326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852160566154786,0.0,0.0,0.05155649322324439,0.0,0.047482344892532814,0.047893940603769176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353809927736303,0.0,0.06878807183328453,0.08753803979305876,0.09824982460496197,0.0,0.0,0.07172145914235388,0.0,0.12332020744699827,0.04477976454143898,0.1127979938203614,0.0,0.0,0.061060051583749615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170725206665788,0.0,0.2584367905297544,0.0,0.0,0.06641104404113513,0.06377652931577124,0.5547786605356355,0.07316982531331176,0.0,0.06144151535919076,0.05136592683132876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058801874350513025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287340236398733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051916376395280336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749959632319962,0.12873560240196172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299185093907127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176377555347349,0.0438535367434612,0.0,0.06309672313392208,0.13448451318299987,0.0,0.0557865058660553,0.0,0.10658986420760456,0.03809786890581246,0.0,0.05181158022458529,0.0,0.0,0.059877169884581215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004696308551678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062090406971484,0.0,0.04159494879566555
bpd,v0lcanicwinter,2019/07/23,"How do I take care of myself when I don't value myself or my wellbeing at all? A large part of me still feels like I deserve pain and suffering, so I cause myself a lot of pain and suffering. Even though I know exactly what I need to do to fix a bad situation, I just don't do it. It's like I *want* hurt myself more. I don't know what to do. It's hard to recover when I don't feel like I deserve recovery, you know?",-0.10752688172042824,1.5044320107526872,3.031397849462365,91.73376344086022,83.73118279569891,7.1440860215053785,20.010752688172047,8.167268648758528,0.7866043010752697,319,9,79,7,9,115,50,93,0.247,0.6409999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.9152,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,2,2,16,17,8,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,3,18,4,8,17,4,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709301064960499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872257941929973,0.2103007047935052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521361812816174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702208713443987,0.2924996672906843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338618128367126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191537345175782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375212541766268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000430908630635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404303449927755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179502826571542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43566654774203856,0.0,0.0,0.22168851287821706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301104348641499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348722480611674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392167291422698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113336900509196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074736416585867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShaariAmairi,2019/07/23,"I dont get it. I just don't. I dont showcase the major red flags of BPD but I was still ""Diagnosed"" with it!! (I dont have the age to be diagnosed with it.

Apparently my face and behaviors just scream ""Borderline personality disorder"" to psychiatrist's faces.

There's 9 symptoms, right? DSM telling that you need to meet 5 out of 9 right??

I ONLY MEET 2
HOW THE H-

Self harm used to be a part of my life to cope with my depression, I did have suicidal idealisations and tentatives, just cause I was depressed.

I do have anger issues with different things, but they're mostly linked to sensory problems or things not done by a way my brain finds it acceptable.

How can this scream BPD to their faces?

I do have a cousin with diagnosed BPD (in age) and we're two totally different persons.

And now because of this diagnosis it's harder for me to receive help!! I hate it!!

My dad even agree with the psychiatrists, but at least my mom doesn't.

I feel like this crap only happened to me for some reasons, but I know its impossible. It just feel so crappy.",2.9613354700854693,4.87547716346154,4.517628205128204,83.2551495726496,75.44230769230771,8.660683760683764,26.459401709401718,9.2995712137729,2.2554061965811973,822,31,171,21,18,275,120,208,0.258,0.7,0.042,-0.9954,3,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,1,0,11,11,3,0,7,0,18,10,5,5,1,37,26,12,1,2,10,3,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,3,14,11,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,4,5,23,2,25,20,6,11,0,2,1,0,13,5,1,3,5,114,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906680113168237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280932219483485,0.12648058690266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639060102807665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517073610492916,0.3449922080276431,0.0,0.2367493627867449,0.12985194062677194,0.0,0.0,0.11594552691331322,0.3983612649056685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483376861038281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457605513649455,0.08094174508331604,0.0,0.0,0.10355440639928827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919472176797209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019106641074543,0.0,0.0,0.11186057320511164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594279168043044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825605950830227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226687268585425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002734083694463,0.0553527954398504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269592253991475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401072450169997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233994202970687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269316586576205,0.0,0.0,0.19785887449906506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841306965471753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164915614475663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935156458842198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819690543632362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904817526611726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393212063481035,0.0,0.0,0.11776237633286205,0.0,0.0,0.09902944158402777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054334766376767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067791368469697,0.0,0.0,0.09785506717851504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993249125092284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lucker3721,2019/07/23,"I’m not sure I can do it anymore. A bit of background. My wife and I have been together for five years. We don’t have any children (3 pups). 

I love her so much, and we have been through a lot as a couple in the time we have been together. I don’t know what I would have done without her while going through some of the most difficult times in my life. That being said, I think that what we went through only made her mental state worse, and it has been downhill ever since. 

This (life stressor) happened about we had been together about 1.5 years when it all began, it lasted 2 years, and ever since it “ended” it’s been about a year and a half. During that time her mental state plummeted, and so did mine. Luckily, I have never suffered from and mental disorders, so I was able to “bounce back” much more quickly. 

But, ever since it happened our relationship has been in chaos. I know any relationship would have been tested with what we went through, but we’ve been trying to rebuild ourselves, and I haven’t felt any real improvement in years. 

We cannot go a single day without fighting, and it is always “because of me”. Anything I say is a trigger to a huge argument. Anything I don’t say is a trigger to a huge argument. If I don’t agree with anything and everything she says/believes - it’s a huge argument. If I make a certain face - it’s a huge argument. I feel like I can’t do anything right, and I always end up apologizing and admitting it was my fault even though most of the time I don’t actually think that. I’m just tired of arguing. 

She is my best friend in the world, and we have built a life together, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I fantasize about what life would be like without constantly fighting or being able to come home to a sense of calmness. I feel like a terrible person. I’ve been asking her to go to therapy since we started dating. And there has always been a reason on why she can’t find a therapist. Ive even helped her look, and nothing ever happens. She has great insurance, and they would be able to cover it. She has admitted she needs therapy and help. She just won’t get it. 

What do I do? I tried talking to her about how I was feeling one day, and she told me I was ungrateful and selfish. And that she was the one who was unhappy and could not believe I’d even say that to her. 

Anyway - rant over. Any suggestions?",3.8163025210084034,4.864065168067229,4.892689075630255,84.9199579831933,71.68907563025209,8.205042016806724,28.495798319327733,8.583994105835817,1.9887201680672264,1844,69,381,31,34,606,200,476,0.107,0.752,0.142,0.9539,0,0,0,0,4,0,60.0,10,0,1,1,24,18,3,0,23,0,64,7,1,6,8,83,97,35,0,8,13,1,4,3,1,5,5,4,1,2,27,33,0,0,13,0,0,6,17,8,0,4,27,9,61,10,43,60,11,49,0,1,1,1,52,14,0,7,30,281,88,1,0.2075313416647649,0.0,0.0675068842362901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726827012542396,0.0,0.0,0.18817123851330952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721021706428055,0.0,0.0,0.2277074818317337,0.0,0.06467126326157148,0.0,0.0,0.053192930531661436,0.0,0.042169726547522934,0.0,0.0,0.15587783654054327,0.07259711313695832,0.0,0.07552349165055935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958995825445645,0.0,0.07475588449325997,0.0,0.05523229644678336,0.07654316074761923,0.0,0.08922703115616022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928296574002301,0.0,0.0,0.07079220528862765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225407800995373,0.0,0.0,0.13707249389487886,0.25029863990575674,0.0,0.0,0.0621719293967103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493408196481922,0.09884028796802054,0.06642087775284193,0.0,0.06322662884477903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344606658881528,0.0,0.036142186826530406,0.0,0.11794484402973132,0.0,0.0,0.07626801227846662,0.0,0.0,0.18351928005137053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273592249663938,0.0,0.06939028558702343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405379796549173,0.05638858076532561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544736539832652,0.10138933072442737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809135296479843,0.0,0.0,0.058811908430791586,0.06243504613899944,0.0654570577937056,0.046176260689502965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914278050559104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170627665721416,0.05129395340811374,0.053353654864418606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637730649285951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375240537692138,0.05261231235215647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060402787561554115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873870040243933,0.0,0.07112559450917451,0.0,0.14854066300764535,0.0,0.059076877283241076,0.0658032767074132,0.16503725258994906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889609385973886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896391726275802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519861116216545,0.0,0.0,0.05560194376087802,0.0,0.0,0.15822011715295126,0.08031996104985112,0.0,0.08865180266032123,0.06796616316381901,0.0,0.16135092566341985,0.0795089160499987,0.0,0.06610169684031555,0.0,0.09393343885021968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825575526051874,0.06242158547239107,0.0,0.0,0.20005280759163574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049738901831044,0.19656574767142548,0.0,0.0,0.22273896641633167
bpd,XmansGhost,2019/07/23,"Does anyone else with bpd absolutely hate authority? I am not formally diagnosed with bpd but as far as my knowledge goes, I am pretty sure that I may be developing it or actually have it, I need a new therapist but whatever, lets start with the post, Its safe to assume that I was born with a hate for authority, my mom keeps telling me these stories of disrespecting adults and not following the rules that I am made to follow,  a few hours back I got the news that my countries government passed stricter rules for driving and that is supposed to reduce the accidents that take place, I felt so attacked by rules that will probably never affect me much , I was almost breaking down like ""why do I live in this country? If I have to follow so strict rules I rather live I. America"", I am also having very violent daydreams lately and I am scared that if I dont get the proper treatment for bpd I might end up doing something that I regret.",10.911057616416734,7.289018574585639,10.466661404893447,66.07618784530388,59.38674033149171,13.878768745067092,41.87924230465667,11.765960540728905,4.725662352012629,746,29,139,16,7,245,116,181,0.154,0.758,0.08800000000000001,-0.9503,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,4,1,8,0,19,1,0,2,2,30,32,13,0,5,8,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,14,7,0,2,3,0,0,5,4,6,0,0,5,1,23,3,18,22,2,20,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,7,9,100,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.13100302888119567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442623083311925,0.0,0.0,0.10735508301547522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386670512384206,0.1375491045157451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272222132063326,0.0,0.1032255464542476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.507227822935868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625509401222022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747805307444267,0.0,0.15733326822326274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214385003440527,0.0,0.11890056500248093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889553806265416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701370830283447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736739496276036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650768202353499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220355070575082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932246287642853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514333680268879,0.0,0.0,0.13727384707816126,0.0,0.06558496253827005,0.0,0.23708027501896686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270251609096951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241194116336628,0.0,0.15722525013607538,0.0,0.0,0.09868497449598873,0.09954041481507893,0.10353744611669387,0.1296539389657232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402566750779618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856888870025918,0.13657467002479418,0.1447380132776035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344019193475317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334778684338353,0.0,0.0,0.0950187753423424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126523622556697,0.0,0.10093497360198833,0.0,0.11733539679187367,0.0,0.0,0.15586792808152886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076557038901184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113456067423843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderlineloveable,2019/07/23,How does anyone keep a job? I really wish that I liked being around people more. But I just can’t stand working with a  team. I started a job a week ago. I don’t mind it even though it is consistent hard work but the drive there is too long and I just can’t seem to work with people well yet. I am trying to find online jobs but most I’m interested in require a degree or experience or communicating with customers. I am trying to get jobs with animals but those are flexible and sometimes unreliable based on need. I don’t feel like a human capable of talking and communicating with others.,2.246836158192089,4.610065576271187,4.3450000000000015,81.42535310734466,79.67796610169492,7.3231638418079115,22.545197740113,8.344100000000001,1.5082011299435032,470,15,92,10,12,161,77,118,0.011000000000000001,0.812,0.177,0.9548,4,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,7,0,10,0,0,1,0,27,18,11,0,2,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,9,4,12,17,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,7,63,14,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361396882639132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738693152422801,0.0,0.0,0.13671904681348596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343991740677435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143835372179497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023102391590162,0.0,0.0,0.07765482498612977,0.10971781217338816,0.0,0.0,0.14036963126194985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023937904858743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375778015725461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.609619083953117,0.13650924609857862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006317462244353,0.0,0.0,0.13591375139753348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507234361391276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387786218273308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129465143498303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838748642870863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981375637416493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189486473494507,0.0,0.10870494184004736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344204468536372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089188583842386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854191367599767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319286986839847,0.0,0.13808715304071548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660978999432986,0.0,0.0,0.33542490896433724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,disasterology666,2019/07/23,How do I get better? The person I’m dating said I made them feel bad all the time and that I start arguments too much and i never knew how I made them feel bad because they never told what I did that made them feel bad until a day before they were going to break up with me but I begged them to give me another chance because I had no idea what I even actually did to make them want to break up with me. If they leave me I don’t know what I would do everything is pointless without them. I already have a plan on how to get better but if anyone can give me any tips. I feel like my disorder has become too much for them. I always become too much for everyone. I’m sorry. How do I cope with being scared of my mom due to childhood trauma? How do I stop being scared of everything related to what happened to me as a kid? I need to get better,2.632243589743592,3.4584613611111124,4.363333333333333,88.44115384615385,74.2777777777778,7.316239316239318,22.179487179487186,7.61054688173877,0.7104102564102566,655,15,147,8,13,222,92,180,0.172,0.738,0.08900000000000001,-0.9272,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,10,4,9,10,0,2,5,0,16,0,0,9,3,33,40,13,0,5,5,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,10,5,35,4,22,27,4,16,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,2,11,106,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.11250302884247007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272215592451336,0.0,0.0959276333546522,0.0,0.0,0.07839879781625951,0.12088798500266593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061102650895327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887783260868529,0.14055520457585174,0.2546498427933538,0.0981003508720009,0.0,0.0,0.3058847172637679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435027829571426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212835820041335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614566972748762,0.0,0.0,0.11016122563340693,0.20722420965623586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23316934627535116,0.08236072434584757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806973703337911,0.22118670068717766,0.06551999518178679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019475030353997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014446640613847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335846517614427,0.0,0.0,0.12207179555060794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632317813633723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272607235937154,0.07695465798724979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350221975925815,0.0,0.0,0.2542466069721757,0.08548350564541582,0.17783216748836728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066375641656436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966389607659352,0.0,0.23084386884751076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290538383919136,0.08160040354952565,0.0,0.0,0.09638470627612718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722450624492247,0.0,0.0,0.11016122563340693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799898589743586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113210668372067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818962474342431,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sitinsilence-,2019/07/23,"symptoms of bpd hi, so i haven’t been tested/diagnosed for bpd but i was speaking to somebody who told me about it and how my symptoms seem relatively similar to someone who does have bpd. i’m extremely sensitive and feel everything more than i can really handle, my relationships are unstable and i push people away knowing i don’t really want them to leave but i do it out of fear, and i have really good days and then when it rains it pours. i drink a lot more than i used to, i’m very suicidal and i’m terrified to talk to a doctor about it incase they think i’m lying because in my own head i think i’m just exaggerating and there’s nothing wrong with me but other people see it and i feel like i’m losing myself. i understand that nobody can diagnose me via reddit but if anyone has similar symptoms or related symptoms could you let me know because then i’ll seek medical help. i used to be on citalopram 40mg for severe depression and it turned me into a zombie and the withdrawals were horrid because i stopped it cold turkey. thanks for reading x",2.4354020664869718,4.760049382075477,4.43299191374663,81.26097484276731,78.76415094339623,7.8116801437556145,25.66127583108716,8.704169506293173,2.2048106019766402,847,33,159,20,21,289,127,212,0.20199999999999999,0.711,0.087,-0.9826,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,1,8,7,0,1,4,0,15,9,1,3,0,35,36,21,1,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,12,13,1,1,8,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,5,26,3,22,29,4,11,0,2,1,0,11,5,0,4,6,106,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677309390671386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031585388809632,0.0,0.0,0.2007949480480948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41485901983004975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766451673264239,0.0,0.0,0.07081042314916054,0.0,0.09456858474831144,0.22288467703360973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123825825841802,0.09608469359569803,0.0,0.0,0.1075599303683122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867907900860036,0.0,0.0,0.12355292060523615,0.111034016641485,0.07843948772599289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209308841994032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268410090184428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735950734662702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068387185748408,0.0,0.0,0.11625989432260972,0.0,0.11227557139417126,0.0,0.05364160253815056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122835523765086,0.0,0.09334606493643308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106096158040981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535383951159068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223977919136694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982739728557044,0.0,0.211017624611034,0.0,0.0,0.11788162248747025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749453897070229,0.09995568823141623,0.0,0.12404013078593047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303122174686168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179578063413284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201008459279467,0.0,0.0,0.4564873397991164,0.0,0.08825121971688006,0.0,0.1010869560784279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070784554798732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491639279017116,0.0,0.0,0.1194283515076272,0.0,0.11430326175951602,0.0,0.18965989262955688,0.0,0.0905945886338176,0.06476151906197754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004653164175172,0.0,0.0
bpd,leyaio,2019/07/23,"S/O doesn’t want to talk to me Hi. I thought about posting this in the subreddit for relationship advice, but I’ve noticed through subbing to it that people generally aren’t very supportive of BPD, so I figured it’d be safer for me to post it here.

Basically, my boyfriend doesn’t want to talk to me. Generally it’s because he’s in a bad mood. Most of the time I’ll give him a call once a day, but I’ve tried not to do that recently because it’ll just end within a few minutes of me calling him. He says it’s because he’s just not in the mood, and he won’t talk to me about what’s got him down. I don’t wanna pressure him so I just tell him we don’t have to talk if he isn’t feeling up to it, and that causes him to end the call. He’s short with me through text ( if he even replies at all ) and I end up having anxiety the whole day because I’m thinking that this means that I’ve done something wrong, that he’s sick of me etc.

I don’t know what to do when this happens, and it happens a few times every month. I want to support him but he won’t really let me. It’s extra hard because we don’t live together. In addition to my anxiety about it all it makes me to split on him and question our relationship. I don’t express any of that though because I don’t want to make anything worse. 

I know this isn’t a relationship advice subreddit but if anyone’s experienced something similar I’d love to hear from you.",2.3417462580185315,3.3668260655737723,4.244689950106912,88.24931575196008,75.22950819672131,7.533856022808268,27.68709907341411,8.04050195162591,1.5578895224518885,1110,44,255,17,23,379,134,305,0.08900000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.081,-0.6663,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,3,1,0,0,12,8,0,1,11,0,22,2,0,3,2,42,43,16,0,8,12,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,24,9,0,0,8,0,0,0,15,3,0,0,3,5,33,3,42,34,8,23,0,0,0,1,39,11,0,5,10,161,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391405791955875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399373072978269,0.0,0.14397811835209864,0.0,0.0,0.06579948249149636,0.0,0.07743931215325539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857264377748227,0.3441883867419891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852029325497634,0.0,0.2882711423098838,0.0,0.0,0.09667040349194077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213781798055472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630073881216457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500437924646803,0.0,0.10495048064284916,0.06215459446457487,0.0,0.07928641076461962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758164913113522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902728266188331,0.0,0.0,0.07526331105037683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643115046511664,0.0,0.084298415247566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060616888895054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343384523413188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622739059012267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830952752874849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493224708064165,0.0,0.12562987695755826,0.0,0.0,0.10250649716497147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511266119088968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713766570051024,0.0,0.10021735014472613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523964435758921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802506294393213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054176605074064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060285228367732625,0.0,0.09291603324693526,0.3030964115250473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748350249915394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448912238256216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357548636585555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025479001104178,0.08225076587756612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060297839701503174,0.0924563897991089,0.07470781204459502,0.10974522750112788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389022296707997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764539300550315,0.22201915920278667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050634003447274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589969148598454,0.0,0.10288760365088706,0.0,0.0
bpd,negative-sleep,2019/07/23,"Last night I found this sub and it changed my life forever I have been seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in CBT to get help for my depression however I have always known that it's not just depression and it's something more. After scrolling through this sub and reading these posts and other materials online, I am starting to believe I may have BPD. 

That being said, what sort of thearpy methods have helped you? What can I do to help myself?",4.923928571428572,7.1429454404761925,4.823333333333334,81.85500000000002,70.78571428571428,8.133333333333335,31.04761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.6840190476190484,363,16,65,7,7,112,61,84,0.092,0.8440000000000001,0.064,-0.5204,1,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,0,10,15,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,12,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,10,1,8,10,1,6,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,2,4,48,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872407730964652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25352875311596257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834140567479357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23804908771722286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38763143569219616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467308629994311,0.0,0.0,0.11756749727060956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452493247047017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834273157581756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589434647957456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211172914427572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155139880174992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508823517580995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405253068464208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931765525890306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323703985126782,0.0,0.0,0.159275509165428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jamesybabe0730,2019/07/23,"Pet peeve. I get annoyed as hell when people assume someone they know has BPD because they exhibit behavior they don’t like. It’s infuriating! “Oh, this person’s really dramatic all the time so I just assume she has BPD.” Or “Oh my ex wasn’t able to give me what I needed because he has depression so I’ve decided to say that he has BPD to justify leaving him.” Or one I saw today elsewhere on the internets: “She has these three diagnosed disorders she’s working on, but I’ve decided (against a professional’s opinion) that she has BPD. Because she has issues and I refuse to believe that any other disorder could be ‘this bad’. And therefore I can post about it on the internet without her knowing because I’m so goddamn intelligent.”

Why. Are. We. The. Scapegoats.",2.381583400483482,5.119237746575344,4.4087268331990375,78.75081788879938,82.49315068493149,7.818855761482675,30.506043513295733,8.671277953709913,3.150131023368252,605,32,106,16,17,206,95,146,0.162,0.797,0.040999999999999995,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,3,1,6,5,2,0,5,0,13,1,0,1,1,20,20,10,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,10,3,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,2,19,1,11,16,1,7,1,1,1,0,18,3,1,5,4,71,29,2,0.13397718823828306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911090822755792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186535594807503,0.3266850016750199,0.0,0.0,0.15094641185886787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6749583139692086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696988298524134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539435591093615,0.1359840258642004,0.0,0.0,0.3070989299206325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999755114998203,0.12852312709183236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398373761544802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726071769918275,0.0,0.0,0.14186249756550995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654544867240476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934238745989887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078641010714526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288291302320988,0.11698371302861388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831311161679967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582921746741681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654403753766492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135184368218883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781231758777503,0.0,0.12699470890845793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089357356648145,0.0,0.0,0.12914922847459334,0.0,0.09753698869808076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pablo_S_keta,2019/07/23,"How to find a friend ? So I met this girl who lives in the apartment below. She is pretty clean, while I'm just a random drug addict trying to be clean. She had an ex bf who had a drug problem too, she also had her drug experiences. I really want this girl to stay in my life  as a friend or SO. 
But I don't know how I should handle this. 
Today we met and drank a beer together. I really enjoyed spending time with her but I don't want to become 'too bpd'?",0.7397505668934272,2.3614677142857157,3.105646258503402,92.19094104308391,81.04081632653063,5.988208616780046,17.011337868480727,6.937597516519254,-0.17325532879818573,348,6,81,4,9,120,62,98,0.02,0.809,0.171,0.8748,0,0,4,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,8,7,0,2,0,16,15,11,0,4,4,1,0,0,3,1,5,0,2,2,5,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,13,3,9,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,2,3,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798777950936575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523790625916197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005801290084718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287384535205755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6318492085935109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776548774235376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599334136062766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28063147878530736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981116798978423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828044858380405,0.0,0.0,0.16036987626444074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476832736068685,0.0,0.17378157342489214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23269517022378616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357803362730275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590149977889003,0.0,0.17215032525603652,0.0,0.0,0.12330505093448225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424313817183185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neverenoughgay,2019/07/23,"Everything has been falling apart Long post

I’m going to try to make this as concise as possible but it’s been months of stuff. I’m 22 and in grad school. When I was in undergrad I lived with my fp for 2 years, first in a group and then just the two of us. We were like best friends and we did almost everything together and it was awesome. We talked about moving to New York together after undergrad and everything felt almost perfect.

But I was obsessed with her and would constantly stalk her on Snapchat and check up on her and worry about her having other friends and me never being enough. 

When we lived in a group I was super depressed (more than usual) because I felt like all of my roommates had a million friends and I was alone. So I decided to try to graduate early to almost make them feel bad. Like “oh then they’ll realize how important I am to them”.

But when it came time to graduate it sucked. I didn’t want to leave. My fp was going to be living with other people. At first she was really sad that I was leaving and I was too. 

I should also mention that at this point I thought I had a crush on her and that’s why I was so obsessed but she was straight so it wasn’t gonna work. 
That summer my fp went to New York for an internship and I stayed at home. I had a really rough summer. I had gotten into one grad school and I wasn’t really happy with it. In my last semester of undergrad I had rediscovered writing and wrote an entire first draft of a book with the encouragement of my fp. Writing a book and being a published author has always been my dream. I wanted to take a gap year to write and live with my fp but my mom was basically going to kick me out right away if I didn’t agree to go to grad school. I wouldn’t be able to afford to live so I really didn’t have a choice. 

My fp came back and initially said she was really depressed. I was really depressed too. I wasn’t really making friends in grad school and I missed her a lot. 

Eventually she came out to me as gay and told me she had a crush on this girl on twitter who lived not too far. I was extremely jealous and basically hated this girl. Any time my fp would bring her up I would basically have a mental breakdown and scream at her and freak out. One time this resulted in me vomiting all over myself in the bathtub and calling someone from school telling her I was gonna go to the ER if she didn’t come over. I eventually told my fp I had a crush on her and she said she didn’t feel the same way. I felt terrible and kept having mental breakdowns over her. I eventually told her I thought I had bpd and she said that made a lot of sense. 

Not long after that I finally got into therapy through my school because I felt like I was actually going crazy. Also I don’t feel like I can tell my parents about this stuff. It took me 6 years to bring up the possibility of medication to my mom and even then she makes it really awkward to talk to her about it. So school therapy was really my only option. And it was SO GOOD. The person I got was amazing and super helpful. She helped me work through a lot of trauma and work through some of my emotions. But my school only provides therapy during the fall and spring so I can’t go back until September. Also my amazing therapist left to focus on her private practice so even when I go back she won’t be there.

Also during this time my fp got an absolutely once in a lifetime internship opportunity that would take her across the country (US... so far lol). I had done this before with her but this time it was so much worse, 7 months at least, not just a summer. I was really struggling with all of this to the point where she really just wouldn’t talk to me about it because she didn’t want to hurt me. 

She graduated and it was really hard for me because it meant everything I had known was well and truly over. It was also weird because I wasn’t even there and all my friends from undergrad were graduating and I was supposed to be with them but I had graduated early. She didn’t really talk to me about it because she knew I was going to have a hard time with it but I wanted to talk to her so bad. I talked to her about this and asked that she just tell me things even if she thinks they’re gonna hurt me.

About a week later we took a road trip to her internship. Leaving her there was really hard. My main worry was that she was going to make a million new friends. The road trip was about 2 months ago now, which is longer than it feels. Every time she posts something on Instagram I still lose it. She doesn’t talk to me as much and I feel like I’m losing her. I’ve talked to her about this stuff and she’s trying to keep me in the loop but it’s still not fun. Especially because the things that trigger me are just basic shit that people do. Like hang out with people and play games and stuff.

It’s also really hard because I don’t really have friends. The friends I do have don’t want to hang out a lot. So I’m really lonely all the time. I have internet friends who I love to death but it’s not the same. I also don’t really have a lot of interests separate from my fp. A lot of why we were friends was our common interests. Reading, games, Disney, Harry Potter, etc. And like I said, writing was always related to her. I’ve been having a lot of trouble separating myself from her and having a ~normal friendship with her. 

Basically it all just sucks and I can’t start therapy again until late September and right now I’m just waking up everyday wanting to die.",2.6849856313635914,4.284486343362836,4.217205252640593,86.46875297364164,75.38938053097345,7.6212770006660975,23.831953563612146,8.360895534625662,1.356587591588163,4328,132,916,78,93,1443,346,1130,0.124,0.74,0.136,0.9626,2,3,1,0,0,0,83.0,9,0,4,13,61,61,5,4,46,1,105,6,2,9,8,169,181,92,2,17,26,3,14,8,10,12,2,5,1,3,57,74,0,2,17,7,1,26,27,27,2,8,92,19,164,34,139,71,24,141,0,10,0,2,113,52,3,15,67,661,221,28,0.03406911101118477,0.0,0.03324653781856963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030200211298884443,0.0,0.10234588021443644,0.03528532430129951,0.0,0.19071539036769572,0.05669645916177101,0.0,0.0,0.023168163767202613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031850019803530916,0.0,0.03200905128156285,0.07859113022064508,0.0568925692532433,0.16614571083489946,0.0,0.028990304161924108,0.0,0.035753430109123116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290885267281707,0.0,0.034788371497385256,0.11689796064618685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029347522450884306,0.0,0.03681660572966738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803102617592815,0.0,0.03535835841066365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486452910713759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038323164310605534,0.0,0.03520249892198492,0.03799606454024928,0.09000930603779635,0.0,0.028704695415632336,0.0,0.1224764807515734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613183094751709,0.04867795942744132,0.1308467572831832,0.03732104582776286,0.0,0.08693750526570103,0.0,0.0,0.2632171065515745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362260910627652,0.028575553918158095,0.0817445410444956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036267202183951235,0.12207692644256568,0.03363619377370654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045671613929517366,0.0,0.0341740961697376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294337594317446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030282191247835245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02777087261778937,0.03843144116663992,0.1082228081086625,0.0370161887985257,0.0,0.0,0.13315557394237046,0.0,0.180501895187548,0.06030018230499476,0.0,0.07622924136084,0.0,0.20275037901139176,0.03074870283449567,0.03223701659542519,0.11370698075474225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03432104509150531,0.06866730151769246,0.0,0.0,0.07980266211132493,0.08158091811254738,0.036210073316163785,0.05008943327075115,0.0,0.02627619870589789,0.09871247913801116,0.0,0.0,0.033380495233774864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628249133141273,0.04617222267340392,0.051822188273890187,0.0,0.0,0.037829715970459615,0.0,0.0,0.07085769562207622,0.029747833628095133,0.0,0.0,0.06441264403085177,0.07681560737423411,0.06525758155318802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034078330596471286,0.0,0.3928598082577903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818966930618364,0.12963010527822538,0.0,0.0,0.2758380736507877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03497145286670058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028866647201332838,0.02622806612257821,0.0,0.0,0.024114292126468616,0.03631313929846256,0.054415272124793884,0.0,0.0,0.03561643202594745,0.1560039245776438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051231463054462516,0.21906768732641507,0.08933371404188628,0.0,0.15584399037502353,0.039556863760487296,0.04526800702224157,0.021830110685558103,0.0,0.05409413717250384,0.1589277808572404,0.0,0.0,0.0976634867125938,0.07570407179718225,0.06939207006424011,0.0,0.03328057102247993,0.0,0.08196189145491431,0.0,0.037522312531070974,0.0,0.12056906624775532,0.027042474534092385,0.027328185836075512,0.0,0.030632222334803293,0.03158240723118568,0.06148414715272234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440815573188891,0.06919767197172239,0.03471933472597903,0.09680687588719034,0.0,0.0,0.06581817147456585
bpd,insvlar,2019/07/23,"The tone of his voice I can't cope.

Today me and my SO were supposed to go out for a nice day, he asked me where I wanted to go to which I replied ""maybe the ruins?"" It's a little spot which in the sun I thought could be nice for us to sit. He said ""I don't want to just go and sit at some rocks"" but with his voice raised and an angry tone. He continues to use this voice and says again ""where do you want to go?"" But these words in that voice just don't make me want to go anywhere with him. I said I didn't know and he started shouting more and more. I ran upstairs and burst into tears and tried to ring the Samaritans, they didn't pick up so I rang my local crisis team. Bless that man, he managed to calm me down, helped me with some ideas of things to do locally and lifted my spirits a little.

I then go downstairs and apologise to my boyfriend, what for I'm not even sure but I just get met with him angrily shouting about how I want to stay at home and I don't want to go out with him. I try my hardest to explain it's his tone of voice and I can't deal with the shouting but it continues and continues. This happens frequently, he can't seem to control his anger or his tone.

I don't feel loved or cared about when he raises his voice at me like this, you don't talk to people you love with no care of consideration. I don't have anybody but him, he's my FP, my best friend and my boyfriend but he's so rude to me and I just don't know what to do ☹️",1.5703738317757043,2.5934316074766386,2.9453258566978207,96.81548411214952,77.1619937694704,6.257495327102804,21.562741433021806,6.55674776486733,0.042439900311526564,1130,28,285,9,25,368,143,321,0.125,0.755,0.12,0.4507,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,3,1,3,15,15,2,0,9,0,19,2,0,5,1,62,53,29,0,7,13,0,1,1,1,0,0,14,1,1,14,25,0,1,8,2,0,8,14,3,0,0,8,15,48,12,45,43,5,37,2,1,0,2,38,16,0,5,11,179,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134948697044406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740434438511394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247555705844185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616313124041401,0.09692994960297288,0.0,0.0,0.07829451416638672,0.12516055888319136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018514999333146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613847086506969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379520451267973,0.0,0.06342775102629011,0.0,0.4829705303021557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735575445845984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137347957861303,0.0,0.12177652057916175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704854914174014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343918443893954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059311087592063126,0.2433542263504833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914083842389107,0.0,0.08103705457548338,0.0,0.12196504324709803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416514842368494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309629946712637,0.09654407297470796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052019886620787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592925404099637,0.12939882105760306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144203391981282,0.0,0.0,0.09757866236400377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065436992600303,0.0,0.0,0.09637995655950647,0.0,0.0,0.11507529400625215,0.0,0.0,0.16484854115306274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603215710361586,0.10485270734084197,0.0,0.0,0.42963773801666666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sincerelytheo,2019/07/23,"Feeling Abandoned Hello all, this is my first time using Reddit so I apologise if anything is out of place and I hope I put the correct CW.

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Essentially, I attempted suicide a few days ago and although I survived, I've ended up feeling more like I'm being punished for it than anything. My girlfriend simply said she didn't want to talk to me and didn't say anything about being glad that I'm okay. The rational side of me understands that she is obviously in shock, and needs time to process what's happened, but my BPD just won't let me accept it for what it is - I feel so abandoned and scared to be alone, and she's stopped saying 'i love you too' whenever I tell her. It's tearing me apart because I just feel as though I'm being punished by the one person I love more than anything. No one else has acted like this towards me, they've been supportive and it's led me into a state of constant paranoia. I find myself having to keep asking if my girlfriend still wants to be with me, if she still loves me etc, and I'm terrified that things won't ever go back to normal. I don't know what to do anymore, it's making my insomnia worse, too.",4.105026824034336,4.955028502145924,5.130576716738202,84.21629425965669,70.84549356223177,7.541738197424892,29.58395922746781,7.645422480735847,1.7983907725321888,903,35,181,10,16,297,132,233,0.175,0.684,0.141,-0.8723,0,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,0,3,12,16,2,1,5,1,19,4,0,3,4,41,44,17,1,8,6,0,4,2,2,2,1,3,0,1,15,11,0,4,8,0,0,4,6,6,0,3,4,7,32,10,24,32,5,25,0,2,0,3,19,8,0,4,14,128,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897513521989877,0.0,0.0,0.1273243736262909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191924177314853,0.0,0.0,0.4046626282646575,0.0,0.11492834207336965,0.0,0.0,0.0945300123688851,0.0,0.07494049927851074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483328827979692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284988465880054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928339606905346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269705412066152,0.0,0.10888459559120553,0.0,0.1371058708867582,0.0,0.11120243465493494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486400596697773,0.08782533271596865,0.0,0.0,0.11236105901671192,0.10456909609282974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986722642488763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871168806200064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210295014102285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927095354824816,0.0,0.0,0.06756227957760225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257101454820059,0.0,0.12012040687434734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33286297397688336,0.0,0.08206057554075577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115530958069512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045094472376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660890744904586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734276525543598,0.12844170542429575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358439558494398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694006137455515,0.1955269039541348,0.12308014376998508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196353316178488,0.1027798014729161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447177000871585,0.13950604551256407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881110852355372,0.10745127433120456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167305747569925,0.0,0.1207837616827162,0.0,0.14336966253077146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798046348310568,0.0,0.10617702674992116,0.0,0.0,0.1450213948025303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528204385935046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thotianathunderrider,2019/07/23,"Im a teenager who thinks she might have BPD but my parents dont think I would have a mental illness so they wouldnt take me to a doctor and I would like to hear what other people have to say and some edvice(not a diagnosis). Thank you Hello, I'm 15 and I think I might have BPD. I have asked my parents if I could see a doctor but they said I'm too young to have a mental disorder like that. From me monitoring myself and from what I have heard from close friends I have talked to about this I believe there is a possibility that I could have BPD. I have done research for almost a year about mental illness and most importantly BPD. Many things I have read and learned about BPD I can relate to myself. I often have a strong self-hatred towards myself, I always feel lonely and empty inside, I can be extremely irritable, and I have major trust and abandonment issues. I cry so much and I can't control it sometimes but other times I can be happy and fine but it doesn't last long. A little background on my life to maybe explain why I go through these emotions: My parents split up when I was two and they have always had a problem with drug addiction but my mom decides she is done with that lifestyle so she leaves my dad who I never saw much after that. A few years later my mom get married and is clean, she gets pregnant with my sister and everything is perfect. Well, a few years later my mom gets caught cheating with a drug dealer. My mom and the drug deal end up becoming a couple but he ends up going to jail and we no longer have a source of income so my mom begins selling drugs. Flash forward about six years my mom and her boyfriend are still together and they have had a child as well as an abusive, messy on and off relationship. By this time we had moved about nine times and so many people have been in and out of my life. My mom's issues with drug addiction had never been higher and I can tell because she is very open to me about what she does. Also, her boyfriend was a literal walking zombie. Him and her would be gone all day and night, I would have to babysit my sisters during this time while balancing school. We end up getting kicked out of our house and we move into a run-down trailer in the middle of nowhere and it was not suitable to live in. I end up calling my aunt to come pick me up because I couldn't take it any more and my dad who I never see gets custody of me. At my dads, the house is in bad condition and it's awkward because we have no bind at all. It's lonely because it's just me and him and he is always work anyways. I start staying at my aunts so I would be less lonely but soon they start treat me different and making me feel bad about my self. They started treating me like I was a  troubled teen , this treatment first after I started dating my ex boyfriend who is black and my family say they aren't racist but they definitely are. I ended up breaking up with my ex because I was scared of him knowing to much about my life. I regret it because he was so caring but I understand I need to work one myself. But anyways I was wondering what some one who is diagnosed with BPD or a psychologist would say about this. I'm not looking for a diagnosis because I know I need to talk to my doctor about this, I'm just looking for an outsiders opinion and so device.(also I read the rules I hope none of this is triggering, I'm just trying to get stuff of my chest but I hope I didn't break any of them I tried to make sure I didn't. I'm so sorry I did)",2.8057298850574743,4.3225392166666685,3.935823754789276,88.95500000000004,74.8888888888889,6.465517241379311,24.6360153256705,7.026839596935285,0.8727250957854404,2756,88,581,27,58,896,293,720,0.11199999999999999,0.7829999999999999,0.105,-0.6963,5,6,5,0,0,0,48.0,6,1,9,6,33,30,1,2,28,0,73,17,1,5,7,118,124,60,0,17,18,19,2,3,1,9,16,6,1,2,33,51,0,2,12,2,1,9,16,12,2,6,23,14,114,18,78,85,14,74,0,5,6,0,73,27,0,13,40,422,147,10,0.0,0.05641292265431681,0.0,0.10380911400726414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767695308149021,0.0,0.0,0.07615125744829353,0.11885202295934645,0.0,0.0,0.06475614580277317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451117807485376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950875060009614,0.20316859129424555,0.052584168405321235,0.0,0.053642883950760105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597969974440688,0.0,0.04861759610217315,0.0,0.048544027298202654,0.0,0.0,0.04101387710039237,0.0,0.0,0.05340136869318434,0.07602927354866541,0.05268222834412973,0.05229999894355186,0.030706066903461518,0.04908630618199633,0.0,0.04832559600960079,0.0,0.04974483681952861,0.054567949169065634,0.14619996376852049,0.041665942649900416,0.0974480564317692,0.05580139233800427,0.0,0.2760764102580238,0.0,0.0,0.05355755511436562,0.21085232487189945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427909658953361,0.0,0.04488474469596064,0.0,0.04814853226299235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04049909337718485,0.0,0.0,0.036785231451460634,0.0,0.14925312103556124,0.0,0.05411846200668195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050684297989278405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366264875865991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457973654092072,0.0,0.1098766619096378,0.0,0.0,0.05142957535796625,0.09938997619959496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233307299433379,0.03881047057457298,0.0,0.05041466968414438,0.0,0.0,0.10089016411724408,0.06978305861309636,0.04772014511564667,0.04204263215063394,0.04213548639970099,0.07996486927948393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356330953574114,0.09654302553473287,0.04783306745949251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439463383992077,0.10101849014153763,0.0,0.39034157093107147,0.0,0.10120891801144796,0.10500180365990264,0.07060800049868468,0.11016488218310012,0.0,0.0,0.044681023367005294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452680526433592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586038471375388,0.0,0.0,0.0660169031241517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367584070361449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045558648146697835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952505933139238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111791210686708,0.0,0.0,0.045290307003682514,0.11358990328214193,0.047668330526572815,0.048186302912179464,0.07588185602739914,0.0,0.0993402593239396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708989297561135,0.05329819721789839,0.1348012412690928,0.050748496225162434,0.03802333377622912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450482064128695,0.0,0.0,0.0448741348987494,0.0,0.07159721686577003,0.07653810657875516,0.04161534674426005,0.04383511209745228,0.0,0.0,0.031631570939201555,0.0915243334333114,0.0,0.0,0.11105272144907312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465140485867041,0.0,0.046510408230584464,0.04956620009851165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03928522632638095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561855292923783,0.0,0.04296279624906138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051633629871795116,0.06932480608455567,0.0,0.0,0.20293494877233792,0.0,0.0,0.12264332933490063
bpd,Bittersweetcupcakw22,2019/07/23,"Im not an easy person to love! I sometimes feel that the things that come natural to other people just don't come naturally to me. I love my FP very much but I put him through hell. I say horrible things when I lash out and I feel completely out of control. Why do I hurt the only person that cares about me? I'm not easy to love I come with so much baggage it would take a commercial plane to carry.  

His cousin died from an overdose and I have no idea how to support him. I told him I'm sorry. But aside from that I don't know how to relate and comfort him and it magnifies how messed up of a person I am.

I start fights over very small things almost as I want him to leave but literally can't function if he does leave. I can see how exhausting that must be for him. 

I also was a witness to the brutal murder of a friend 2 years ago that made me the key witness to her murder trial and people that knew be before the incident say I'm a shell of a person that I was before. I was diagnosed with PTSD and can feel how my personality has shifted. I'm scared of a lot of complete irrational things... Like leaving our front door open since our house is on a main road (completely irrational) I'm not even sure why it makes me anxious...

My main point is why would anyone want to put up with all of that. I asked my fp that question and he said, ” I’m only here because you are so pretty.” it enraged me. 

How can I ever have anything that even remotely resembles a healthy relationship?",2.7318919652551585,4.064905244299677,4.235232084690555,87.48142576004344,74.73289902280129,7.331650380021715,24.518051031487516,7.937092434478242,1.1933106406080336,1158,36,250,17,24,386,157,307,0.213,0.6659999999999999,0.121,-0.9887,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,2,1,0,1,16,19,6,1,16,0,22,5,0,9,4,50,51,22,3,6,8,1,3,1,1,3,2,3,1,5,20,16,0,1,7,0,0,6,7,10,0,0,7,7,40,9,33,39,6,21,1,1,1,3,31,10,1,4,6,167,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791256329179377,0.0,0.08801295892650672,0.0,0.0,0.07028865165253767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929499233762112,0.0,0.06145739868945136,0.0,0.07232912024580974,0.0,0.08216885170863526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357925348175599,0.0,0.14958232480629682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961360163727954,0.0,0.0,0.22713821546967036,0.2764649765717425,0.0,0.09858038665724167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921037150637917,0.09121990274506858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691646932244034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610607098267699,0.07950498717685581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332526048354626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790654300633954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141766101438493,0.09409214622116928,0.09922141803093903,0.09494040224952403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483041417944174,0.0,0.0,0.27920057588117875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294047804734764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747241779243717,0.2379827974072847,0.08316725240668925,0.05866980364537965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922413361066906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369441305723134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186900813879625,0.3837274427328803,0.0,0.0,0.08308806443733227,0.0,0.0,0.08941960768219286,0.0,0.0,0.10274316556926368,0.1767151198933648,0.09846118761724586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436506336679368,0.0,0.0,0.08360714501345806,0.13979337808422646,0.08799704145437946,0.0,0.07003999045819298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727066715744162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692922992021318,0.09838992929304707,0.06221169424763895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997408590377302,0.08283887992916818,0.0,0.06608520993873722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335709791768273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839863063041251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145043203795867,0.10368409801388498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793148957150134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487448796293935,0.0,0.0,0.056600734787482225
bpd,triskelion1387,2019/07/23,"DAE Experience Emptiness as Thoughtlessness DAE feel empty all the time in the sense that they experience thoughts infrequently, even and especially when spoken to? What I mean to say is: do you find your brain doesn't throw up a response when presented with external stimuli (like being spoken to)? If I want to engage in thought, I find I have to do it very forcefully and deliberately, and even then progress is slow. Is this the emotional numbness people sometimes speak of in Borderline PD or am I plain dumb?",11.265,9.372122021739132,10.18217391304348,63.02695652173915,57.04347826086956,13.982608695652175,43.65217391304348,12.602617957971056,5.474730434782609,414,19,70,11,4,131,69,92,0.111,0.804,0.085,-0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,1,4,4,1,0,4,0,9,2,1,0,1,14,14,9,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,8,2,12,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,7,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555178351102001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574713457456617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302360433592525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477982524720456,0.0,0.0,0.11573406749952507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184040948455072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182448472486392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24932918632842774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868406290242634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820231537126808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263788570923351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634274607877472,0.13346806803986075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885888402816814,0.13500572608647451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CTOAN37,2019/07/23,"How can I learn more about my condition? I have received DBT treatment years ago and have found a website to get a refresher. However, I only have a vague idea of what BPD is and want to go more in depth.

But it’s hard to find something that doesn’t think we’re all evil, manipulative, and attention seeking or that we’re a lost cause. I’m also hesitant to see a therapist due to the stigma, and I managed to get a former psychiatrist to take the BPD diagnosis off my chart due to the stigma. I don’t want it back on.

Does anyone have my recommendations on where I can learn more about it?

Thank you in advance.",3.7671146953404993,4.90728198387097,5.294623655913976,81.64249103942653,71.90322580645163,8.736917562724015,27.487455197132626,9.150863307647796,2.103805734767026,482,17,101,10,9,163,77,124,0.10300000000000001,0.851,0.047,-0.7577,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,6,3,1,0,9,0,9,0,0,3,1,19,21,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,2,10,1,16,19,4,16,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,1,6,64,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802822620917863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626412555808665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220657606291404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638507289794373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122947615869429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892515513303447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797739537371315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858837417332488,0.0,0.0,0.22299340069228035,0.0,0.0,0.21251314658040216,0.0,0.11558436335537375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218667603404565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22958892551872315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201103319273288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467807884027074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206587722445148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657026515725106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291489119600052,0.0,0.0,0.18724307145941768,0.0,0.2361374498151501,0.0,0.13031636425179138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399151426052295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096871765505522
bpd,Krotev,2019/07/23,"How Do I Tell Someone I Think I Have A Personality Disorder? I'm 95% sure that I have a personality disorder, but i'm scared to tell anyone. I've done a lot of research and got like all the symptoms. Also is it possible to have multiple personality disorders ? Also i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.",3.3520000000000003,5.935842200000002,6.7966666666666695,64.14500000000001,77.0,11.333333333333336,33.33333333333333,10.864195022040775,5.027333333333333,252,14,43,11,6,94,40,60,0.242,0.6779999999999999,0.079,-0.8782,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,1,2,9,12,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,5,2,4,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697239793459111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290097531277387,0.0,0.0,0.1179175709381283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525007698826406,0.17116686574509735,0.0,0.0,0.5798309136767488,0.0,0.0,0.17257809287094505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487745623178987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238937823989533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337238052841314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417519346499197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011716725946928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883886398242928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288880559022216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894196156661286,0.17528236630181093,0.0,0.0,0.2947989908989548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805821749945796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,averyvincent,2019/07/23,"Please help me This is my first post on Reddit and in this community so I’m sorry if it isn’t organized well. I don’t have any social media because of the anxiety it causes me so this is a stretch. I just want to see what everyone else thinks about the situation I am in and hopefully get some advice. 

I have not seen a psychiatrist to get formally diagnosed but I am 99% sure that I have BPD. The only symptom that I don’t align with is self-harm. Everything else: hopelessness, fear of abandonment, insane mood swings, love/hate relationships, over-thinking (not typical overthinking, but extreme almost obsessive overthinking) is all part of my daily routine. 

I think that this all started about the time that I became a teenager - in middle school - when my mom started working full time and I started to learn a bit about myself such as sexuality etc. I won’t bore with the details but long story short I did not receive any emotional support from my parents/family growing up and always felt alone/forced to fend for myself emotionally. It wasn’t that I couldn’t talk to my parents about anything, more so that I was always met with pushback and something like “you need to toughen up your skin.” To someone who is not as sensitive as me maybe that would have worked but definitely not in my case. There is a lot more I could cover but a lot of it is irrelevant and what is most important to me is what is currently happening in my life. 

I started college in 2015, which is when I started to notice some very serious things that were severely impacting my life. Once I got to college and was living on my own I started doing a copious and rather dangerous amount of drugs. It wasn’t so much what I was doing, it was the amount I was doing it. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop. I knew it was bad for me but a part of me didn’t care, which was odd because I never thought or wanted to be the type of person who did that. I was friends with people that were less than ideal for my wellbeing. One of these friends was clinically diagnosed with BPD and her symptoms were sever. My habits, and friends, stayed together for about two years, which brings us to 2017 when I made a big move. I lived with a close friend and around this time is when I really started to notice some erratic behaviors in me I didn’t quite know how to explain. Every day was a different story - if she didn’t say good morning to me I thought I had done something wrong and she absolutely hated me. If she did say good morning to me but in a different tone of voice, I thought I had upset her in some way. This interpersonal relationship spiraled out of control because I slowly started to realize every day that if I wasn’t able to control her I wanted nothing to do with her. Because of this constant conflict and because of my own insecurities I went on thousand dollar Apple spending sprees (on credit), had unprotected hookups, got into 2 car accidents, binge ate, and failed 2 semesters of college all in the span of the 12 months that she lived with me. I know a lot of people would consider this to be ‘typical college behavior’.. to a certain point; however all of this was accompanied by extreme depression, suicidal thoughts and ideation, such horrible anxiety that I can barely leave the house, and most importantly a lack of self identity. The accumulation of my behavior over the course of two years has sort of become a niche in my life. I don’t know if borderline personality disorder comes on fast or if you can develop it suddenly but the past 4 years of my life have been a living hell and sometimes it feels easier to just die. I have suicidal thoughts but I’ve seen what it does to others lives so I could never go through with it - which in invalidating the problem in and of itself. My interpersonal skills are so bad that I freak out and go into an almost catatonic state if someone uses an emoji in one text and doesn’t in the other.  I overthink/over analyze every single that that happens to me to the point that makes me feel insane. I’ve had about 15 people come in and out of my life in the past 4 years: all resulting in me cutting them off because I have found something they’ve done “insufferable.” I know I need help. I think it is BPD, I relate to every symptom except self-harm as I said above. I have no friends, and the ones I do have I almost hate because I feel like they give me no attention. I have debt that I keep adding to. My relationship with my parents is failing because I have so much unjustified resentment towards them. My interpersonal skills are down the drain. I can’t even bring myself to go to campus because even just walking to class I feel like everyone around me is judging me and it sometimes causes panic attacks. I just feel so lost, misunderstood, and helpless. 

This to me seems drawn out and unorganized so if someone could help me by telling me their first steps when they started to notice the symptoms I would greatly appreciate it. It’s a solo struggle for me, I don’t like involving people in my woes, but the sooner I started to deal with this the better I can start feeling. I get free counseling at university, which I can begin once I pay my fees, along with seeing a psychiatrist. As for regular visits (since the campus ones are limited) I cannot afford to since my budget is limited. I just really want to know how I can help myself. I’m over feeling helpless and crazy.",6.102524176217762,6.550230462273163,6.805246985434575,75.41017706840977,66.24928366762177,10.020349808978033,33.551352077363894,9.941115774075248,3.2702015401146136,4302,180,801,91,64,1421,410,1047,0.174,0.727,0.099,-0.9984,9,1,4,0,0,1,96.0,1,3,5,16,36,52,7,6,44,0,93,15,1,10,9,167,172,67,3,27,32,3,9,4,5,4,13,4,0,3,62,50,1,8,29,0,8,15,27,29,1,9,49,17,136,23,134,112,30,107,1,9,4,0,50,49,1,25,43,588,198,16,0.04315783774168702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421733395511331,0.0,0.0,0.12964902108466198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182155660676295,0.0,0.0,0.058697619219327625,0.0,0.06603125548838798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03551522317531455,0.07683925116610013,0.0,0.04909827089891868,0.0,0.0,0.07206998362044376,0.236777555796885,0.04766444104658808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03816960029803888,0.04711718103194658,0.0,0.16306735747176693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400229189675644,0.08866997546851674,0.0,0.07435331151669733,0.0,0.046638290496015915,0.09681036962546408,0.10337406495455473,0.0,0.0,0.05566646996910665,0.04449383565738341,0.0371717824071159,0.08760859368492954,0.04479102183203017,0.09018150952508462,0.04946262107168632,0.0,0.03776771464328657,0.08833090418192525,0.0,0.0,0.0500493900737075,0.0,0.0721056710807945,0.0970935171464932,0.0,0.0,0.04813239734116915,0.05701068959424509,0.0,0.14544935871860035,0.08247832690137367,0.0387874817287861,0.0,0.040685368473665474,0.048564566052507294,0.1527532965708965,0.06166393581200987,0.04143829228475916,0.0,0.0,0.0734200694717747,0.0,0.04732034147930906,0.1667181919079102,0.0,0.06764456683790476,0.041400930546612,0.07358278128408535,0.07239749337596871,0.06903453077107126,0.047581668470761465,0.0,0.0,0.07632866676805179,0.0,0.0,0.08521885955034128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115711155640309,0.0,0.0,0.04286547085624685,0.0,0.0497983502716936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383606691676737,0.0,0.0,0.14231051368720274,0.0,0.0,0.04569791866861475,0.0,0.0,0.1524182856292397,0.08433895813599901,0.0,0.1905458070707544,0.038193328303440965,0.0,0.0,0.04711187806562756,0.11007375092729904,0.03895163355635698,0.0408369895840452,0.028808191818678386,0.0,0.04335784881918441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054593795571224,0.034448174335625116,0.045869951472480235,0.06345195308919102,0.0640019796689691,0.06657197012538257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041411109286469294,0.14740645295139967,0.0,0.09192337735089158,0.11697947114954743,0.032823480369203975,0.0,0.050636423714259415,0.09584334285278,0.0934714651473224,0.0823980790711413,0.11968084244614663,0.0753675184812745,0.0,0.047374345784934886,0.08159621302369502,0.0,0.041333278628297485,0.0,0.0,0.04129622212549397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590367284153731,0.0,0.0,0.055296031953838136,0.0,0.0,0.13900609909403125,0.0,0.0,0.041052986737743054,0.06864168960191458,0.0,0.04367803588157899,0.06878241803207147,0.03928927458500495,0.13506911141774947,0.09751214451598596,0.0,0.07140121872142596,0.04851121786417339,0.0,0.04399398058298595,0.10970248759816308,0.09967503598419586,0.08536841013916413,0.04831166596760071,0.3360207365431165,0.046000512699607005,0.0,0.036081884832100716,0.0,0.045117942578807864,0.0,0.0944153393777821,0.04897500282575047,0.040675751319510005,0.17943007301818495,0.0,0.03468863518692993,0.03772185244493431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02867214969762592,0.11061519915105307,0.0,0.17131251194821642,0.0754970467599455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431787278906935,0.0,0.05191356491884501,0.037274514993250615,0.0,0.03560973599130204,0.1018224435242635,0.03425668276735807,0.0,0.0,0.03880407917772516,0.040007747966417935,0.038943235789628564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283883976662973,0.0,0.0,0.09197426901851163,0.04718632053966342,0.0,0.11116893008141784
bpd,bleach_icecream_,2019/07/23,"I can't tell who I am anymore I have a big problem with binging and purging then seeing my body as really fat even though I'm about 140, I see myself as 180 and I think my body is hideous even though people tell me they think I look good.

 I want to be alot skinner (like 110-120) so I can stop hating myself but nothing I do works and it gets to the point of wanting to die, just so I don't have to be in this gross body anymore. 

I tried talking to my therapist about it and she barely listened to me. Any advice on cooping with this or stopping it?? Am I the only one??",1.0096895787139673,2.5867924227642303,2.8733481152993363,94.37813747228384,80.0569105691057,5.123133776792313,22.563932002956392,5.565023196281405,0.10037235772357757,440,14,101,2,11,147,79,123,0.158,0.816,0.026000000000000002,-0.951,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,9,5,1,0,4,0,11,4,4,0,0,17,22,13,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,4,21,2,15,20,1,7,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,2,4,72,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550352578618575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101257223669849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953379219658734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961835753097176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545348713071338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669431996028866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779419478397298,0.0,0.0,0.12489040062280825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700809397627215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274510330775821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503864388445718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287373188914204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089861081682604,0.11324529129362045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322863170381448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075879230945712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424773561890577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538926365451733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730831948063796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24897442393511826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968031884905447,0.2602906285507439,0.0,0.0,0.17288457737611335,0.0,0.1908184371136301,0.2925873280033069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109344342825301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565035985568586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840109936363984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VariousAnybody,2019/07/23,How to tell the difference between genuinely feeling something and pretending to feel something because you're delusional and selfish and want to pretend to feel a certain way because it makes you look better to yourself? Am I me or a fraud who isn't fully even a person,11.982399999999998,9.122243240000008,10.915999999999999,61.32800000000002,56.6,13.2,53.0,11.20814326018867,6.3264000000000005,222,14,33,4,2,71,38,50,0.155,0.6729999999999999,0.172,-0.2732,0,0,2,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,11,8,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,6,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501559504552204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540101692342993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30006890715919105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896967062652518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356596095557986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411805171145165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171208558798095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507770054534907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422100757511522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25103050722439263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694014078579238,0.22797057656350164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luchry,2019/07/23,"Health coping mechanisms My last psychologist told me I had BPD and only would prescribe me mood stabilizers. She gave me Latuda (40mg) and klonzopam to take every 6 hours. My therapist told me I have PTSD (panic attacks, flashbacks). I had a really physically and verbally abusive alcoholic dad growing up. My sister has BPD. The Latuda definitely helped me get out of a really bad rut but I had to stop taking it cause it made me really asexual (which made me feel worse), I’d be so sedated at night when I took it, and I felt really numb (no highs or lows). My psych said this was just what it felt like to not have BPD. My symptoms mostly include dissociation (appearance, identity), a lot of lows (occasional very very brief highs or explosive anger), getting overwhelmed by stimulus (sight, touch, sound), and paranoia in all of my relationships. I often feel like everyone is lying to me about everything. Any advice on good coping mechanism?",4.8728070175438605,7.323870549707607,6.176467836257312,71.08505263157895,71.57309941520468,10.174035087719297,29.52865497076024,10.355215969177356,3.746050760233918,748,31,123,24,15,251,119,171,0.124,0.794,0.08199999999999999,-0.8288,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,0,5,12,2,2,4,0,10,4,0,3,1,25,26,10,0,1,5,2,5,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,7,6,1,1,4,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,13,8,22,3,14,11,3,18,0,3,1,0,9,9,0,6,7,74,29,1,0.0,0.14057650365814556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593982364868287,0.0,0.12679684754412826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068357513678967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497733236359147,0.0,0.0,0.09906473236707683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482927097867313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188246684008044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996465290116834,0.11337165585606035,0.10663167392659437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998230198564165,0.08476096414963702,0.22783817221647895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397562430753728,0.0,0.0,0.09951491515676017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611550404622196,0.0,0.0,0.0795261361911893,0.25071273033751995,0.0,0.0,0.11684273872492583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671259707873543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592921069418435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086886965944347,0.0,0.22453205845730045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134154639160264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023588281235052,0.0,0.13920590823767204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386912143308376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040315166612257,0.0,0.0,0.12738175971348792,0.0,0.0,0.11285983261664098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919364719205516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331896907153825,0.1784145537064065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377575375184941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267433117121207,0.13182044175757265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579130108973253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091074977760805,0.08428295098055026,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mylifeis7734,2019/07/23,"Pretty sure my SO has Narcissistic personality disorder... I'm at my wits end I have severe depression & anxiety and  BPD and PMDD, my SO and I have been together for five years. He has unaddressed mental health issues, depression, anxiety and as I'm beginning to realize, sociopathic behavior.  My BPD diagnosis is fairly recent, but it has been evident for a very long time, just misdiagnosed. 

Now that I am aware of the diagnosis, I have been doing anything I can to get better, learning about bpd and how to recognize my behavior. Going to therapy, etc. 

What I've been discovering is that it's not all me. Don't get me wrong, a LOT of it is, but I'm noticing more and more that my SO exhibits NPD behaviors or at the very least sociopathic tendencies. Everything is about him, how he feels or how things reflect on him. He blames me for everything. He literally says that everything is my fault. He can't find his wallet... what did I do with it? Netflix on the fritz...what did I do to it? Hasn't had a job in over two years...I ruin his sleep and he can't function. No clean towels? I guess I must have soaked them all and left them in a pile in the corner... He refuses to accept any responsibility for his actions (or lack thereof). He blames everything on my mental illness. But now that I'm more aware, I see the gaslighting for what it is. I recognize the manipulative behavior.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just venting right now, I feel a little scrambled... just having a hard time dealing with the reality. Thanks for reading.",2.7083835005574137,5.143277658862882,4.832785953177262,78.1656560758083,78.4314381270903,8.668940914158306,27.02352285395764,9.2995712137729,2.75336646599777,1216,51,230,35,30,419,149,299,0.121,0.812,0.068,-0.9333,2,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,2,1,14,9,0,0,13,0,32,3,1,4,4,42,48,23,0,3,12,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,15,10,0,1,8,2,0,2,7,5,0,2,7,6,31,4,29,40,9,25,0,3,2,0,19,13,0,7,10,161,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086315241937056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292427548132763,0.0,0.07715067357040327,0.0,0.17357964106152635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336063119495293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033832417983707,0.0,0.0,0.42866326210893496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169631557924464,0.19543062145710705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002484880959822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048404633158932,0.0,0.12652802361724216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078503191475554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472862226328087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369229732450456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854708849256793,0.0,0.06447690400114864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497923420748724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016299478573837,0.0,0.0,0.1205932690555795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841352685348852,0.11258276227497273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234978597736472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326500828944605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370785870309978,0.0,0.10040069916620276,0.0952703940359778,0.0,0.0,0.09645211213456548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866415386149566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291648881740876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906116966061762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542060771710035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134818532055851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201932546737428,0.0,0.0,0.09688666367609043,0.0,0.09022090943774598,0.0,0.0,0.09040587934489913,0.0,0.0,0.12816750884890485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353308477766387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069263678499962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044505778541176,0.12974127934939328,0.0,0.07537190405006727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230855782734752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108252901262184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721816345754366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240410245376793,0.0,0.0730588220608643
bpd,ApprenticeOfGames,2019/10/21,"Almost all of my brain obssesses around my eventual death by suicide Like i always manage to outlast what i expect to live due to various factors but the cycle is neverending even if maybe part of my brain seems decent at times due to reasons. My loved ones all have their hopes up but even things looking up (medication that takes a tiny bit of the edge of) don't cause me to not strongly consider and mentally plan suicide and having a fall back prepared method to seek death...

I just don't feel comfortable living and my presence of mind sees living this life of mine so weird i can't even explain but i do know that its presence makes even somewhat mentally good days a plague on my life force. Like a tired soul...

Anyway i was diagnosed with bpd a week ago and it just seems to have reinforced the suicidal part of me's invisible resolve to die shortly enough. Though i was pretty certain i had bpd before that by self analysis :P

I don't feel right doing even stuff i enjoy and not in the depressive sort of numb way. I just feel incomplete, like my emotions are separate from me at most times apart from random blitzes of emotions i don't care to feel and none i care to feel. Empty without being empty like the fuck?

I also have high functioning autism (aka mild autism). So it really feels like no one can even begin understanding what drove me to the edge of a jumping point literately. BPD the puzzle and autism is the formula to solve said puzzle.

Heck this might not even be that much related to bpd i am never sure of anything involving my enigma of a brain. Well life drags on until i try out my pill stockpile and probably fail to achieve the end point...",4.976811594202901,6.271585172839508,5.345888352120237,81.8256280193237,69.18518518518519,8.721202361782073,28.593129361245303,9.085049710711278,2.3014193773483624,1332,47,253,25,23,424,184,324,0.17,0.6779999999999999,0.152,-0.8739,0,0,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,5,18,22,1,0,16,0,22,13,3,3,5,54,45,17,6,3,11,0,6,5,0,1,8,1,0,1,13,11,0,0,13,0,0,3,12,5,1,2,5,9,31,17,42,37,11,31,1,2,2,2,6,15,2,13,17,170,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889238161738083,0.0,0.07782342278909983,0.0,0.0,0.06215111412626052,0.06466766179664539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395535127450469,0.06918556129774768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976040014331455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613235509385304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484800585617842,0.0,0.3915327643033913,0.2602772138962988,0.0,0.0,0.1584775081518504,0.07983786840641859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050121727005793336,0.0,0.06693846156087106,0.0788822071612309,0.08065908866940764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748447409418854,0.06883514387558913,0.08030354376058306,0.0,0.35932437520978355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357795543209037,0.05552180618939151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184910526245343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518623151257581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821134101214242,0.0,0.07719158155435214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427118198863261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468371802069318,0.18984562152008036,0.0,0.20587944439945646,0.0,0.0652636067113568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701435943261683,0.0,0.05187741657294457,0.0,0.07807824937631826,0.0,0.0,0.0782927812176817,0.15664307424787344,0.08244659274224396,0.07847309782171087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057131725300451575,0.0,0.05994096831924196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532755393854892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832219688245506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693739754469418,0.0,0.0,0.0790672194091059,0.08379322644953689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049788187029499525,0.07990712197684671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663708088721034,0.07392768376308212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061931241217830175,0.14150322778492327,0.0810768988124285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896859859229801,0.2550328699527093,0.0,0.0732483631357786,0.0,0.05843431803563494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163243369343145,0.0,0.07635761117650848,0.0,0.0906360655895884,0.08932549101202372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052765469362375465,0.0,0.0,0.08090725386168121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061688988101543926,0.0623407495032712,0.0,0.06987788032316443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491744806422905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tuynwx,2019/10/21,"Toxic/exhausting - how do I stop? [No mean comments please!] Does anyone get told they're exhausting? How do you stop? How do you stop being toxic? How do you be healthy towards someone?

[https://imgur.com/a/Ihom6We](https://imgur.com/a/Ihom6We) \- screenshots here for context. If you don't want to look at them you don't have to, just may give some background context.

I was getting on well with someone from fetlife for about a week now. I opened up after a few days and mentioned my history of emotionally abusing/harassing/stalking/manipulating/guilting people  (I felt I had to be honest) and so on. Then yesterday it got to the point where it was too much for them and they wanted things to be slower/less intense/nicer \[see pictures 1 and 2\]. 

Today I decided to google questions to get to know someone better , so that the pace could be a lot slower and we could just enjoy learning about each other. But now I got told it's too exhausting talking to me and yeah \[see pictures 3 and 4\].

How do I stop being so exhausting for everyone? I thought I was doing a good thing by trying to ask questions to get to know the person better, as that's what they mentioned they wanted. I did listen. NB:I didn't share the screenshots to victimise myself and make the other person the bad person (if anything, they're the one in the right, since ALL my interactions are like this and don't last long at all\].

 I just want some practical advice on how I could maybe improve? I thought the questions were a good step forward as I listened to what her worries were yesterday, but clearly it wasn't a step in the right direction and now they don't want any more communication with me. I want to be healthy towards SOMEONE but I'm finding it so difficult. Getting sick of being blocked by everyone I talk to.

Again, please no horrible comments .",4.0483114035087695,6.566298929824562,4.311458333333333,83.18718750000002,74.32163742690058,6.614181286549706,28.816154970760234,7.645422480735847,1.9279733918128648,1462,62,258,20,32,456,168,342,0.13,0.785,0.084,-0.9134,2,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,1,5,6,2,24,14,0,0,16,1,33,4,0,7,3,63,63,28,0,11,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,3,14,15,0,5,12,0,0,3,8,5,1,1,16,6,35,9,42,35,9,35,0,0,3,0,33,16,0,9,19,190,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846727468671413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156517907049275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330240284693091,0.0,0.07450050286866816,0.0,0.08463563156347109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559082474232802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013721228571598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684841412022132,0.0,0.0,0.058385948824680726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922556812428902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183683510862993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301529542941746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692536149904308,0.0,0.08274503069877129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364973756408757,0.08684698755032055,0.0,0.1518686687203387,0.14481416130652833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950854765254886,0.07379604024028713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044229588263708194,0.0,0.0,0.08011838052624842,0.07602446741555675,0.0,0.0,0.07696746224610741,0.0,0.0,0.060431121793438736,0.0,0.0909520270895586,0.09861639229158684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655177682270058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613471396683329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276381047903128,0.2371483630738381,0.0,0.19875491513199875,0.08558243985173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042512323778498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546284568291666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428530285779032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748893886140543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068314471482823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30275677009506113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455331282868205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029149079280385,0.0,0.0,0.14374532548856842,0.0,0.0,0.08581418887862034,0.17301529542941746,0.0,0.061465599410527524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203903524030301,0.0,0.07261968067799263,0.0,0.08139955640502701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919401103386341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whiskersonkittns,2019/10/21,"Do you guys have playlists for specific moods? If so, anyone have song suggestions for an “I’m angry, I’m frustrated, fuck the world, don’t care anymore” playlist? bonus points if it’s from a female perspective",2.10923076923077,4.975895692307695,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,92.07692307692308,6.702564102564103,24.448717948717945,7.793537801064563,1.925133333333334,168,7,31,4,6,51,33,39,0.228,0.627,0.145,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,5,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,0,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332117992541195,0.3054373348535371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445370943684528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038365341151943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325242071019053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129396541515786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,painterbitch,2019/10/21,"DAE freak out and immediately want to break up after the smallest disagreement with your SO??? Splitting is probably my biggest bpd symptom and I’ve been trying to work on it but it’s still so hard with my partner sometimes. I used to do it with friends & family when I was younger, but as I’ve gotten older, had therapy, mellowed out, etc, it doesn’t happen much with them. But I still get triggered by fights with my SO and my brain automatically jumps to, “well screw you maybe I should just be single!!!” And basically blows the whole thing wayyy out of proportion.

I just do not cope with conflict very well at all, and my SO and I hardly ever fight so I just don’t know what to do whenever we do have a disagreement. He’s so great and I love him so much and absolutely do NOT want to break up, it’s like this lizard brain comes to life and starts telling me he doesn’t love me, he’s not good for me, blah blah blah, any time there’s the slightest conflict.

Do “normal” people do this too??? Does this happen to you guys? How do you deal? I’m a lot more self aware and better at talking myself down these days but it still sucks. And I just feel like I make any little disagreement so much worse and that’s not fair to my partner. :(",2.47009818181818,4.338779028000005,3.3794181818181848,91.0737090909091,76.72,6.465454545454546,22.163636363636364,7.348242739294969,0.5946799999999999,967,27,211,12,22,308,137,250,0.14800000000000002,0.687,0.165,0.899,1,0,0,0,2,0,33.0,1,4,1,2,22,15,4,0,5,0,18,7,2,4,2,50,34,27,0,4,12,0,3,5,3,1,2,0,0,4,13,23,0,2,2,0,0,2,7,5,2,0,4,3,27,10,29,28,9,25,0,0,0,3,22,11,2,1,12,143,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432445031067716,0.0,0.1686114769090845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109643845267963,0.0,0.0,0.1561393706971273,0.27678923512740056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679156867561268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799521840974063,0.12781048777309234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848941115806897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826241525307278,0.0,0.11214047289129067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168704993179044,0.0,0.06268436018871414,0.08856617549035467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578105871779148,0.0,0.06477065833963055,0.0,0.0,0.10398248212610876,0.0,0.13668042250019918,0.0,0.1227525385814798,0.21925743165448255,0.0,0.22211051198132975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813219517140921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756563754951963,0.12113367187132686,0.12425328973053927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539722030533603,0.22378053997107375,0.0,0.08275279021926929,0.0,0.12454731592582695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734027631467793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146699794333801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594711280863848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366361989950326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933064216140852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261224480979732,0.0,0.08774856848639917,0.0,0.29701445564148343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885518193018627,0.0,0.09964462083161968,0.10835766998864303,0.0,0.14177367296225,0.0,0.08236200328007859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228952227689367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416937668486707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707267360534344,0.0,0.10229052315394396,0.1462447098660587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229328271664862,0.0,0.0,0.13841117636989392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025365697298993,0.0,0.12633884938553822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ravenclaw188,2019/10/21,Alternatives to hurting myself? I’m going through a weird break up that I’m just now realizing hurts two weeks after and I’m looking for some ways to cope that aren’t hurting myself or drinking a lot does anyone have any ideas? Please help,3.9864893617021298,6.076256106382981,4.558457446808512,83.30875,73.04255319148936,6.402127659574468,26.643617021276608,7.1686216300943375,1.3400255319148928,195,7,36,2,4,62,38,47,0.209,0.6920000000000001,0.099,-0.6767,1,0,1,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,6,7,2,7,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524487445154595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675048760561053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961797005453785,0.0,0.0,0.21960911921232384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740553789526093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502618048091943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7199616375509671,0.2530697033868983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882530804740714,0.0,0.0,0.1905881403272623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608015225178004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189893562612384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779420817609078,0.17982208959056864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vonFitz,2019/10/21,"I love someone with BPD, and I need advice. I’m concerned that I’m not good for her. Specifically, when something triggers her I feel absolutely overwhelmed and basically shut down. I don’t just do this with her, but with most of my emotions. 

My mom isn’t diagnosed with BPD, but many of her traits match up well and when my girlfriend exhibits similar traits it terrifies me. I feel I need to do some healing myself and I’m just not sure that I can give her the support she needs because when she is at her worst it reminds me of my mom and I just shut down. Or worse become annoyed and that just magnifies whatever issue has arisen. I hate that I respond that way. 

I love her so much. I love so many things about her, and I want to help her heal. I’ve been depressed and stressed out from being in grad school and this has just been exacerbating everything. We broke up two days ago due to the reasons I mentioned above but she doesn’t want to end the relationship. She says she will help me heal and to open up and we can work on our things together. 

She’s currently in therapy, and I know that she will get better over time. But in the mean time I feel I’ve been the main source of her pain and it makes me feel so terrible. 

I just need help. I don’t know how to make this decision. I want to be with her, but I feel that we are at odds sometimes and I just don’t know if we can or should make it work. 

If anyone has any thoughts, I would be immensely appreciative.",2.186034206964443,4.068337671096348,3.2235585086747878,91.80733727082566,77.6046511627907,6.85128583733235,23.772732865756122,7.793537801064563,0.9806647225298396,1153,38,258,18,27,369,142,301,0.14400000000000002,0.72,0.135,-0.7956,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,5,0,0,3,16,17,2,2,5,0,25,8,0,6,1,72,55,30,0,11,18,2,5,0,1,4,5,1,0,0,16,25,0,0,12,0,0,0,7,9,1,1,4,6,54,8,32,44,5,27,0,3,0,3,37,16,0,6,10,178,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029705768693708,0.0934079866649802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165815864006482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368018243411177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423521423624612,0.11637766994412525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319503277175904,0.0,0.0,0.2654305626278945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795772620817281,0.0,0.09075875703612883,0.10695272803228996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853193957676435,0.09333038066419326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470365428568428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26640213993712003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505373887478967,0.10108466027796116,0.0,0.08838298953988878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040353363220054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189057897687952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998342463794132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737329299139418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853133439271107,0.0,0.2110145529169815,0.2136660653161804,0.0,0.11478353819534882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682628623197445,0.0,0.0,0.07746225794094969,0.31253492549742473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212571781495537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834236251990984,0.0,0.11313259644139917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379789756781937,0.0,0.10664444881805492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928332885354304,0.08112230826399883,0.10421790794860818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070594034041715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957754227720617,0.09931406008022628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205047311647884,0.0,0.14001204675147294,0.0,0.0,0.08365544852743287,0.12288923981432845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293541007064286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645753204871535,0.08364123931682144,0.0,0.0,0.09474417867644877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342753619799532,0.0,0.10738544585020927,0.07485490153079731,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emdehan,2019/10/21,Can someone tell me what FP means? Please. I’m new here and just trying to fit in.,-1.9450000000000005,-0.1525388333333293,-0.13888888888888928,106.745,104.0,2.4000000000000004,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-2.0579111111111112,63,1,16,0,3,20,18,18,0.0,0.758,0.242,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746340456006144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208275014357582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782970014415915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691897657513084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380844286381084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295829784841706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kapteynia,2019/10/21,"I feel left out, because of my therapist Just a little bit of context first, I'm currently studying abroad in the USA and I'm very far away from home. These past weeks have been rough and I ended up having suicidal thoughts some days. I skipped class a lot of times but today I went to class because I've been skipping too much. A week ago I've seen a therapist in the USA who referred me to another therapist who also referred me to another therapist off campus. I had enough and I didn't want to tell my story anymore so I decided to reach out to my therapist back home and plan a session on Skype. The session was supposed to be tomorrow but she sent me an email this morning and told me she couldn't manage to be available for me. Since she's taking a break for a week and she's fully booked this week, my next appointment with her is in two weeks. I feel so left out and I don't want to go to class anymore. I want to hit myself so bad, I've been planning this year abroad for such a long time and now that I'm there I have these ugly feelings and I can't move on.",2.8553803921568597,4.019687039999997,4.098875816993466,89.24917647058822,74.15555555555554,7.427450980392157,26.568627450980397,7.928766900206844,1.4106078431372544,844,30,185,12,17,277,122,225,0.085,0.907,0.008,-0.9422,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,10,1,0,0,12,0,15,0,0,0,0,29,32,15,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,13,0,0,7,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,11,5,27,0,30,17,5,40,0,0,1,0,11,15,0,2,20,119,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895292114554474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076858584604077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181178658259567,0.0,0.0,0.20032704809533286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489155861572257,0.07766172943196863,0.0843296560495498,0.12313568215251852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026437001496192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513577539728671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945482805095775,0.1043586065857415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153203859992131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590940214855967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739986168199955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026197665969476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947066273277285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122718301731737,0.0,0.08938062914456038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586544253679024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107345583733046,0.0742456305785227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741321264751504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641464196533933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354712896852262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047613299680743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593841717829873,0.0,0.08827727390604871,0.0,0.0,0.5863360996182517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018164835813531,0.11778625286504595,0.0,0.09573491302646,0.09650854058418537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866100773075397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833344656764967,0.17871486593671393,0.0,0.4050751341104266,0.0,0.0,0.09362676265040967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503982078402401
bpd,boqolnicks,2019/10/21,"Does your BPD ever make you laugh? So i'm heartbroken over a guy and I bumped into him the other day. It was a Somali poetry event. I'm bilingual - Somali and English - but the former is deffo weaker. I saw that there was open mic and I thought about getting up and doing emotional diarrhea on the mic directed at the guy. Luckily, my Somali is weak. All I can say related to love is that I love you and I need you which is nowhere near enough for me to express myself.  I did consider English but I talked myself out of that foolishness. 😂😂😂😂

Being emotional is fucking hilarious sometimes. Thank God I didn't embarass myself and the guy. 🙄",1.3822916666666671,3.8838499375000017,3.9630000000000014,81.84866666666667,84.78125,7.788333333333332,24.15833333333333,8.648137234880735,2.267788958333334,504,20,95,14,15,176,82,128,0.099,0.675,0.226,0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,0,4,6,1,0,7,0,12,4,0,1,2,16,23,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,6,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,2,19,4,12,16,2,12,0,0,1,3,13,8,1,0,4,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394980943973991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263656276277758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664090685049206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278056509062964,0.0,0.1964846618978212,0.0,0.0,0.17200933654577258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757985574988232,0.09935001771780502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.56486071914049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34325111371336675,0.0,0.1269323391985937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410001891797973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122174766389965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880717134354002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284227609970352,0.0,0.1750724862566681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096468402071148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,semq2389,2019/10/21,"Is BPD a spectrum? I'm starting to question if I've developed some traits of borderline personality disorder from my mother.

Back in May, I got very depressed, through my own work on myself in therapy, I've come to discover some relationships I had were toxic to me.

I decided to try Prozac, and although it took the depression away, it made me extremely anxious and paranoid.

I switched to zoloft, that made me feel good for awhile but then changed to feeling bleh and anxious and paranoid.

I'm still on a small dosage of Zoloft and I'm terrified of withdrawal from it. I already suffer from memory issues since starting SSRIs, they've had some good moments of calming my thoughts but overall, I've lost who I am from a baseline perspective.

I'm having some sort of identity crisis where I don't know who I am in regards to the meds making me more paranoid or if I just am this paranoid and I never noticed.

My mom has borderline personality disorder, or was diagnosed by (I'm not sure if it was a psychiatrist).

My sister was diagnosed bipolar.

​

I had never felt depression up until this point. I was always in other people's business as a helper. But, I think I did that to avoid my own neuroticism unknowingly.  There were parts of myself I needed to heal and work on.

Perhaps, I focused on so many other people because I felt as if I didn't matter or exist enough to have any of my own issues, I was also getting my needs met by being significant for them.

Once I noticed this pattern, my psyche has seemed to take a bit of a tumble.

​

In relationships especially,

My boyfriend is FANTASTIC. Such a good man. Patient, kind, loving, attractive. It blows my mind sometimes how wise he is and his capacity to support me.

The ability to be vulnerable with him is nothing short of terrifying for me because I've never really had a partner that I could show the dark side of myself to. My last relationship, I tried to be the perfect girlfriend so he wouldn't leave and when we started to argue around 2 years in, he ran for the hills.

But with my current relationship, I can go from loving him deeply to having one thought about how we shouldn't be together because of his current financial instability, or how he'll drop our baby because he's so clumsy ETC.

Then I go into anxious thinking, and it can really make my feelings turn off for him.  It lasts I don't know, a few hours to maybe a few days.  Or I pick a fight and start asking these questions to him out loud as if he can give me an explanation that will make my feelings come back.

I go from a mental place of:  I'm too much of a burden. I know you love me but you'll leave me anyway one day. Questioning why he loves me at all, feelings of guilt that I can't feel the love that he shows me all the time, or reciprocate it.

I don't deal with anger as much as feeling responsible for how I make other people feel when I talk about how I feel. So most of the time I practice catching these thoughts and not having a discussion with my partner as if they are real.

But, oftentimes I slip up.

I've recently gotten into ""The Work"" of Byron Katie, and am starting to practice questioning my thoughts, but I have A LOT (I know, so does everyone). My thoughts are little gremlin assholes sometimes. Especially when I'm feeling low.

​

I've been to a psychiatrist before, who diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and PTSD in relationships. This seemed accurate at the time, but,  is there something underlying I'm not looking at?

​

Things that resonate with me in regards to BPD are:

Frantic efforts to avoid imagined abandonment (however I was in a long term relationship prior to this where I thought everything was going well, and he decided to up and leave which left me confused and very hurt. So, is my fear of this current relationship ending on a dime, PTSD?)

Feeling misunderstood and alone

Fear of being alone (although I didn't get into a serious relationship until I was 25 years old so I feel as if I was okay being alone for most of my life until I got into an actual relationship and realized I didn't want to be alone)

Feelings of self loathing/self hate (these thoughts are easily turned around for me but recently I've had thoughts that my friends hate me and my boyfriend does as well, and that I am too much and cannot be helped)

I'm not an angry person, or irrational. I don't lash out at people, I'm aware of what I say. I just sometimes can be too honest sometimes and could be a better communicator.

​

I have been actively going to therapy for several years now, my therapist is pretty unconventional in her methods but she's incredibly supportive and brilliant in coaching me and making me question my thought process.  She has never suggested to me that I have traits of BPD, would a diagnosis prove this?  I'm afraid of it being the truth because I am constantly trying to grow and not being in suffering. I feel as if the questions are too general on any online tests I've done to get a definitive answer.

​

Does anyone with BPD deal with what I've been describing? Can I develop traits from childhood through my mother?

I don't resonate with my mother's behavior, lack of self-awareness or her staying in an abusive relationship.

​

Thanks for your insight in advance.",6.0485268433442165,6.876506892398819,6.7610503455083935,74.34711883969929,66.45310957551827,9.787646746146253,34.73565190978814,9.851270322608157,3.4933932994152936,4234,194,756,90,65,1397,388,1013,0.14300000000000002,0.716,0.141,0.609,4,6,2,0,1,0,135.0,3,3,2,8,38,51,5,9,40,1,84,14,0,13,10,175,177,84,0,17,33,5,16,0,4,7,9,2,0,7,39,47,0,3,46,3,1,12,21,26,2,2,44,19,121,25,136,112,25,107,0,10,1,5,78,48,0,35,45,542,160,5,0.0,0.04038010922079673,0.03325789035374732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411894920443206,0.037608948946005326,0.027254359004813943,0.028357909514335974,0.2584853064310666,0.28988284361070377,0.046352149777046256,0.0,0.0,0.11550462151106315,0.0,0.02383004891976493,0.0,0.0,0.0606781761539382,0.031860895476426634,0.0,0.0320199812581716,0.05241197757029576,0.0,0.10387652738171313,0.0,0.02900020334149,0.0,0.0,0.030141648902893173,0.03720734607828628,0.0,0.17169401820848534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036052908657760036,0.05871508721611845,0.0,0.03682917731874382,0.0,0.054421402498245036,0.0,0.0,0.04395852145086432,0.07027150204644847,0.11741478094205715,0.10377371459649706,0.0,0.0,0.11717845718988693,0.0,0.08947286734106226,0.03487643413000952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03018542386098016,0.035214519349782106,0.03800903887344635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032565611797708345,0.030629575551424437,0.0,0.0,0.07670062498145934,0.2412514775134305,0.0,0.06544571844766481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026330698602948604,0.0,0.053417346995933146,0.03269335552495056,0.09684436224313099,0.08575593442486616,0.054514969306202435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729535872565386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022843604597802256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03356266821689539,0.0,0.036484141783257686,0.0,0.0,0.07114288545170637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03548985083391756,0.07491954339328738,0.05556071080787558,0.0,0.1082597624298248,0.03702882853827162,0.0,0.024072237675768767,0.0,0.03415785924813505,0.0,0.03016038635894225,0.02861924186341732,0.0,0.0372031584486626,0.02897423017243057,0.15379601222994554,0.06449604882850388,0.11374580772993023,0.0345525256640853,0.034238688539783416,0.0,0.03785602410394536,0.0,0.034345374505244886,0.0,0.034411836542590925,0.039914955971042165,0.0,0.0,0.0751598056025036,0.05054088031336525,0.10514068445177152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270139343995771,0.07760230683037764,0.035762008277293776,0.03629488053901751,0.04618798887994826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03690612506956698,0.0,0.09450918807760136,0.08927397443280036,0.03560712420897,0.0,0.03221731935312221,0.0,0.0,0.0346723693305065,0.0,0.0,0.07967713290498593,0.0,0.2290694010145129,0.0,0.0,0.03879134838181652,0.04366599513386535,0.0,0.06730124717899187,0.3658996515147631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027102375868847967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205165948522801,0.10666094751295414,0.03850154050368771,0.0,0.02819194397027102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02623702209402174,0.1348269107206279,0.0,0.12061263158842048,0.03632553897128106,0.02721692652287093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734884980012834,0.032120698292904495,0.0,0.025624478407729082,0.027392811414341918,0.0,0.03137697057547404,0.07794860283599263,0.039570371052278425,0.022641732235310786,0.043675129816671834,0.0,0.24350673796670705,0.0596182684354833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03786496105102146,0.06941576504026307,0.07414012680775277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056240366752265486,0.020101706064372296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612853643445228,0.0,0.030752570924193763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443356352653098,0.0,0.0,0.02420998301623696,0.0,0.28988284361070377,0.0658406460886467
bpd,SilenceThoughts,2019/10/21,"I just want to quit my job Everyone is so proud of me for having a job. I can’t bring myself to tell them that it’s killing me. I can’t tell anyone how much I hate it. Everyday I feel depressed knowing I have to go. It’s not a bad job, or terrible in any way. I’m just struggling so much mentally. Every time I’m at work I start experiencing my derealization to the max.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to let anyone down, but I’m having terrible thoughts. I know lots of people hate working, and I’m not special. I should just push through it and get it done like every other person in the world. I just don’t know if I can. All my mental health issues are becoming too much. I just want to quit, but it’s only been 3 weeks.",0.06821337230544344,2.0014994968944144,2.7619145049324096,92.12918523931313,85.08695652173913,5.775812933869201,20.02959444647424,7.048011613610866,0.317861234928754,573,17,134,8,17,200,90,161,0.152,0.773,0.075,-0.9302,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,5,10,11,3,1,4,0,16,1,0,1,1,26,35,9,1,5,11,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,3,2,21,3,15,30,5,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,5,87,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624386971511908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577416376241815,0.17735493557270654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589176120597547,0.0,0.14006584588399612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923231305239917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978378158097792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370739921499454,0.12118464384430876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412543075233315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625969147067734,0.0,0.07207633389272868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504225663009728,0.0,0.1348067321208656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237007935051578,0.3775562532043447,0.0,0.14031066513190132,0.0,0.2787940309394914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968493073366089,0.0,0.06195922606512575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782023030674676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556151564399841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796881056595973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645447301638696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792297814288927,0.11073679871688198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269783369931803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976584805445678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258275253179855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216974774065548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068315654047408,0.07395140894683322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441016356818716,0.10066605510594122,0.10172962011488906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465705362366613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shweetpea,2019/10/21,"Anyone here struggle with Dream-Reality Confusion? If so, what the heck do you do about it? I’m suffering a great deal. I’m wickedly unmedicated due to a failure of a mental healthcare system around this area I live in and man my dreams are wild and probably super stressed induced, even if I don’t go to bed necessarily anxious or depressed or stressed.
I get up in the morning and I have a hard time telling if things really happened in real life or not.",4.190513643659712,5.920036494382025,5.5438523274478335,77.96146067415731,71.69662921348315,8.231781701444623,32.939004815409305,8.841846274778883,2.8974577849117167,364,18,68,7,7,122,67,89,0.257,0.636,0.106,-0.9034,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,4,6,0,5,1,0,1,0,15,10,10,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,6,2,10,10,0,10,0,2,0,0,4,6,1,7,2,44,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535508134461654,0.0,0.13948072057650407,0.0,0.0,0.17757906754021954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565462904489493,0.1718114208165467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317543435722262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421981752764002,0.0,0.11336880989984258,0.0,0.0,0.21992687827685206,0.0,0.0,0.17639908335336152,0.0,0.17869447079173328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089828636987195,0.0,0.0,0.17614407339904578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102844104898734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507266458470767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541027374847157,0.12779169036682236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570062391363257,0.2085393090351353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743538954741004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252533127038835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631811400392048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sideffect-,2019/10/21,I deleted my Instagram because my boyfriend liked another naked model picture Can anyone else relate to this? I spend too much time feeding the paranoia in my brain when I use Instagram and he liked another picture after I told him I hated seeing it and I sent it to him and said “this is gross” and then just deleted my own account. I need help in this relationship and I don’t know how to get it and I don’t trust him anymore and it’s only been two months.,2.1715053763440864,4.349521204301077,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,78.89247311827957,6.2838709677419375,26.46236559139785,7.3871296695380915,1.4533784946236559,364,15,72,5,9,120,59,93,0.098,0.78,0.122,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,2,0,12,14,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,7,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,4,2,16,3,6,10,2,8,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,7,50,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672944552582745,0.0,0.0,0.22097854024922967,0.15580161138214418,0.2283064277099117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582960240949413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487419071103764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613833860372656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641476643973275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199895888442795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493522072949759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224565843736819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177181532561242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785358190703185,0.0,0.16379905979863288,0.16521893471572588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946539742400354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392263461233693,0.0,0.0,0.21195377926715256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755947383515722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992870641790732,0.0,0.0,0.2129149969776216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766372214983887,0.0,0.0,0.19244578655482128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jdnck,2019/10/21,"self care after an episode? i got into a huge fight with my mom this morning and finally calmed down after two hours of chain smoking and crying. i’m gonna take a nice warm shower, wash my face, make myself some tea, and sit by the fireplace. 
what are your favorite/most comforting things to do after a meltdown?",5.266639344262295,6.067623491803283,5.252581967213113,84.56608606557378,68.18032786885246,7.411475409836067,28.364754098360656,7.1686216300943375,1.4907016393442625,247,8,47,2,4,77,53,61,0.084,0.6809999999999999,0.235,0.8466,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,0,2,3,1,1,0,7,8,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,5,9,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,5,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236783971991785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487221966067568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477691861259149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539070728839108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126406913029742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191144715722532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718130914821747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311869420907527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23869540383078675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091072892652135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31011877726330395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,msvt23,2019/10/21,"I feel like my BPD is at its peak Lately I've been cutting people if I feel even the slightest bit of betrayal, including family. I keep making impulsive decisions with drugs and sex and honestly I've never felt worse... I keep pushing people away idk wtf to do anymore.",4.544038461538463,6.23417378846154,6.0453846153846165,74.8746153846154,70.73076923076924,9.815384615384616,30.30769230769231,10.125756701596842,3.4493692307692303,215,9,37,6,4,73,42,52,0.188,0.7140000000000001,0.098,-0.6124,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,12,9,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,2,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309354573983657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187804961987684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542238101769456,0.0,0.2932801724269165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270044734487471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380243906821595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952054781917635,0.0,0.2354829519619072,0.16635588514948246,0.2235829971388715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139549634826865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626772563207543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376408145656082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543646984073745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959669408899434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228728789103145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373051675985177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dm_125,2019/10/21,"DAE always have this feeling of being on the verge of running away? Wherever I am, I always feel like I need to leave and go somewhere else even if there's no where to go to. I just want to run away from everything all the time.",4.036249999999999,4.154438458333331,4.908333333333335,88.37000000000002,70.66666666666666,8.066666666666668,26.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.2324916666666663,178,5,40,2,3,58,37,48,0.073,0.812,0.11599999999999999,0.2558,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,10,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45018946637109897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083258435725494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259851715824286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867624386370376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431263888774685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27356659364699,0.19325990461014605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074860771189356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864421573641633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216265544558184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005875285579232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577426833912116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956000426783135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,XObabie,2019/10/21,"welp. I split in front of my new bf last night and now he looks at me different if he looks at me at all. fucking great. it's our 1 month anniversary, he's at work, i'm sitting in here crying and trying to get work but can't and I feel like a piece of shit and I know no one gives a fuck. I did too much, I do too much, and I'm negative as fuck. Need to get back on my zoloft because i keep thinking I'm fine but this shit only seems to happen when i stop zoloft. I'm in really bad shape right now because i have been so happy with him and now all of a sudden i fucked it up. It always happens so fast. I don't know. He triggered me last night and i guess i overreacted and turned the lights on in his face and insisted we talk about it NOW instead of letting him go to sleep for work. He's probably told all his friends already and his roommates can probably hear me in here crying like a bitch. I feel like he's being insensitive. i feel like i'm crazy. I don't know which to believe. Almost at 3 months no self harm but have had to pull myself away from myself on more than one occasion. don't know when i'm going to stop crying or if he will even look at me when he comes back. i'm so tired of this. i don't belong here.",0.7497777777777763,2.2358029592592596,2.738981481481481,95.4629166666667,80.51851851851852,5.981481481481483,19.39814814814815,6.816661863887847,-0.042407407407407234,949,22,233,10,24,319,136,270,0.295,0.655,0.05,-0.9976,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,3,20,17,7,0,5,0,15,11,4,1,3,38,52,23,0,3,6,0,3,4,2,1,3,1,0,1,7,13,0,3,9,0,0,5,8,9,0,2,4,8,32,8,34,45,7,44,0,0,3,4,22,18,7,6,24,140,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452709896372484,0.0,0.10417179416493387,0.0,0.07854764346422928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886910958766792,0.14517421763284624,0.0788193356611044,0.11508967447626905,0.0,0.0,0.10635550034512847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813164971538416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31107905537649594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862700548285433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062349739151670525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319311889759664,0.20231628526024392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729325384504428,0.3490819211077045,0.0986393049534778,0.0905562531725018,0.10729840904737427,0.0,0.0,0.1040753809037495,0.1039912911620544,0.0,0.16695368874342514,0.10048963581524427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639468720233286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390628962079498,0.0,0.0,0.20751718598946187,0.15389579055359892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965295124877636,0.0,0.1844745986245364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23781449809984906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069697976740906,0.0,0.13878845360167166,0.06999576335511581,0.0,0.09117127396709043,0.0,0.17717438907618205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793459549752406,0.07179479685776094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035564698959651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047450386904759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061634651508183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593742820050708,0.09847888672904492,0.0,0.19379871348663533,0.0,0.0,0.09446731011361044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784380953070884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587444989091541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048715479819808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849792037236801,0.0,0.0902024200122281,0.0,0.06409081694853518,0.10267915277647842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061710862959891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PurpleBlueLights,2019/10/21,"When you start to like someone do you lie and pretend you're more alike to them than you really are and when you devalue someone do you actually start to hate them? Sorry if this post is incoherent, I'm really really tired right now (unrelated to the post, just a disclaimer.) I don't have bpd but I have bipolar and ocd and I feel like I might think somewhat similarly with borderlines because of my obsessive mind and my insecurities about where I stand with people (I'm going off what I know about bpd, I'm not saying I'm an expert or anything I could be wrong about all of this). I have a few questions. I recently started getting close with a girl from work (who has a boyfriend and they're on good terms, I'm just friends with her, not trying to break them up or anything), I noticed after a little while she started to act a bit more like me and we seem to share a lot of the same interests and she says she likes pretty much everything I like. I do think we are similar in a lot of ways because when I hear her talk about something she's interested in or what she thinks before asking me my take I usually agree with her naturally but even before I learned she has bpd I started to wonder with how she changed her behavior around me to act a little more like me (though it's not like she changed a crazy amount and it isn't all that more of a change from how an agreeable person might try to cater to someones feelings or sense of humor, I often read too into things).

The other night she was driving me home and telling me she was diagnosed with borderline and how she goes through idealization and devaulation with people. I'm starting to really like this girl so I guess I'm wondering if she actually likes me or just the idea of who she thinks I am, if we're actually as alike as I think or she's just telling me what I want to hear and if she starts to devalue me, if she'll actually hate me?",6.6573316062176175,5.682898748704663,7.191404145077722,77.87917875647672,65.39896373056996,10.725181347150262,33.548704663212426,10.008157457239328,2.985250155440415,1511,55,315,29,20,499,176,386,0.063,0.774,0.163,0.991,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,2,5,3,2,22,21,2,2,17,0,21,3,0,3,2,77,56,37,0,8,20,0,2,9,1,3,3,4,1,3,13,26,0,0,14,2,0,4,5,5,0,0,2,6,64,16,47,49,15,38,0,0,0,0,46,12,0,22,26,220,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.2869971865536741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100878188619993,0.06545238459264723,0.06873547348881097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963969389044024,0.0,0.12512785206705535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026970088914444,0.0,0.2778045656035113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333374856717544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587033228775648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462581012263662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856223251250025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607907112485814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435238306482282,0.052525910664322085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680483893191034,0.0,0.03841351164573289,0.0,0.04178566229206383,0.061668854238888,0.0,0.0,0.08099551544878426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451804249830202,0.0,0.0,0.16573488865593727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375105873619163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300020027992079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04040713711666749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232831694907494,0.14738171000384245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501578503023114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599573076512382,0.07423877587259317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054048960312884906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899775359643355,0.0,0.0,0.08370811968791901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019452481548016,0.06419874908419403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408322755986421,0.07480083931333943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236425616777612,0.0,0.07354438721564026,0.0,0.18840668512327532,0.0,0.0725965642531642,0.0,0.0,0.06278951310847307,0.0,0.11693925171659506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693393471378309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689118647249067,0.056602744825652994,0.0,0.08230464751374272,0.36428708935483983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528126657840602,0.05909620036095953,0.12852729074289546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048846404425526416,0.23555762343963144,0.07223743855733307,0.0,0.0,0.08450558587628837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983660547479507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097683876266808,0.0,0.043366649417930836,0.05836031823138418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946834708420649,0.053526704715932114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038748823300719,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bibbiybop,2019/10/21,"One last goodbye Tonight I say goodbye to my fp forever, one last time sleeping next to each other one last hug. When I grew up I often didn't understand how it was so easy for people to fall out of love with me before I ever fell out of it with them. Emotional pain feels so physical. This is the way it has to be. My future washed away in the space of three days empty and waiting to be filled with a desperate attempt of survival with a new one. I'm going to try to become more independent more than I was. It's sad that you can't transfer your thoughts into someone else like ""hey just so you know, I've never been loved the way you loved me so thank you for that and I don't hold you accountable for not loving anymore. It's not a pattern to me anymore. This is just a miserable coincidence"". I think the best part of bpd is that you always get better when it's too late. Goodbye my ocean lover and get out of the fish thank.",3.2217673048600872,4.189243989690727,4.412223858615612,88.11020618556702,73.02061855670105,7.398527245949928,25.712812960235638,7.7094869923839395,1.1972235640648017,730,23,159,9,14,240,114,194,0.109,0.741,0.149,0.8587,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,7,1,4,12,14,0,1,9,0,12,9,1,2,2,28,28,10,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,12,12,0,2,5,0,1,5,6,3,0,5,5,2,21,11,29,21,5,29,0,2,0,6,15,8,0,1,15,111,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689143076609732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548013723065554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069513121407276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418771895471935,0.10931247333702512,0.0,0.13481389686983247,0.11361500308232655,0.0,0.0,0.1617945361152894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828479484686566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731427599621214,0.14450348135345195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620205531883432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495470638273372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342331350914716,0.0,0.07300843129191348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059985488001795,0.3141432482690316,0.1449117561639598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276048814869342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637711615538746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907851447137764,0.12407027746858156,0.13662176049945166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348199165604247,0.0,0.13669359188223373,0.0,0.0,0.13911281121495325,0.0,0.08906000571947968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215886091029247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128555682810102,0.0,0.10884620543821072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23654277309987326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231384461959358,0.0,0.10198519985045656,0.07490775497919362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721788229989118,0.0,0.0,0.1337344181675606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393575451737914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway-hwenid33,2019/10/21,"Helping my wife with BPD in a rough situation Hi guys, throwaway here,

My wife of several years with BPD cheated on me with a mutual best friend of several years.  She tells me that she would lie awake at night, just hoping that I would reach out and touch her, and that she fell ""out of love"" with me, though she still ""loves"" me.  I have my own issues I deal with, mostly that I shut other people out when I feel especially low on self-esteem.

So about a month ago, when our best friend broke up with his girlfriend of several years, he started showing her affection and she latched onto him emotionally, without telling me.  She said that she was worried that he would leave just like everyone else, and that she felt like she had to have sex with him to get him to stay, but also that she wasn't thinking in the moment and she was on opioids (which she hid from me quite well).  She said that it made her feel physically sick, but that she kept doing it because she needed the affection.

The thing is though, that when she tried to tell me about it a couple weeks later about how she loved other people, I responded so positively about it, telling her that I've noticed her polyamorous tendencies, that she couldn't bring herself to tell me that she was cheating on me and that she actually felt like things could work out fine.  Two days later, when I had drank myself stupid and asked her flat out if she had had sex with mutual friend, she lied and said she hadn't, and hadn't even kissed him.

Well now I'm trying to manage her BPD and my paranoia, trying to calm myself down when I get anxious.  I tried for two weeks to let the mutual best friend (also roommate) stay at the house, but just knowing that they were alone together while I was gone sometimes was sending me mad spiraling, even though I forbid them to touch each other or for her to go into his room anymore.  I told him he should find another place to stay, indefinitely perhaps, but I needed to know that they could fall out of love with each other.
 
I get anxious when I see her typing paragraphs on her phone to another mutual friend.  She accusatorily tells me that I can read through her texts when I want, but I don't want that and I feel like she's egging me on to feel like she has more fuel for being angry at me.  I think she sees me as the person who cut someone that she loves out of her life, but I also think I absolutely had to do it??

I don't know, I also have been reading articles about BPD and I tried reassuring her that I love her every about 30 minutes, but she scathingly told me that she knows I love her, and she didn't need that assurance.

She feels so alone, and she self-harmed a couple weeks ago when she opened up to some friends and she feels like they started to back away, and all last night she cried to me about how she's losing this friend too.

How can I rest my paranoia by asking her for reassurance, monitoring how she feels, and make her feel better all at once?  An article that I read said that it's helpful to give someone with BPD space to fix their problems for themselves, but how can I do that?",10.069329268292684,6.372759772357725,9.043424796747967,75.86660060975609,61.032520325203244,12.266260162601625,36.51930894308943,9.621722640351123,3.080833333333333,2440,67,511,31,24,763,252,615,0.10300000000000001,0.7170000000000001,0.18,0.9959,0,2,1,0,0,0,63.0,1,0,5,7,42,43,5,0,12,0,38,13,0,9,3,101,92,52,0,15,14,2,13,6,8,4,2,4,1,2,41,38,1,2,18,4,0,6,8,10,2,2,28,19,122,33,78,55,12,70,0,3,2,10,116,31,0,6,36,368,163,6,0.0,0.0,0.04985338512525608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905708000612601,0.0,0.0,0.10582111564589516,0.0,0.16341650553982134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713800926716036,0.0,0.11542717269375552,0.05066441646516049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955185957814583,0.0,0.047997766556688616,0.03928262549422093,0.0,0.031142062650111883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608374559636231,0.04518215722894984,0.0,0.0,0.3217104242935657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157736732377814,0.11305323048531657,0.056116493367786915,0.03294678459934012,0.052668287398708775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267649834466286,0.05746581734378271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748475019033356,0.0,0.043042864892217474,0.048815663577043734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664832474058845,0.10948934314713983,0.09810275311713773,0.0,0.046692444979943536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27628695352450505,0.0,0.08007229393783959,0.04900715068472866,0.029033827682774974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058400209228808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848486212144775,0.0,0.0,0.05074075779670715,0.0,0.058947352713923484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332138673892571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230396187090233,0.041642591942484736,0.0,0.05409358573836565,0.0,0.05223975372523172,0.036084144932589816,0.14975069311463204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057153104905338925,0.0,0.0,0.3227550649071711,0.04833960192761349,0.03410086147273984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04077702718732575,0.0,0.0,0.11364073054686878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958830746496456,0.0,0.0,0.05816270436689315,0.0,0.05440581583320198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083436292851092,0.04460705696925632,0.053374873075573696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048883205128337985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433714127258426,0.15330199032358435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943811291728932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814191922851254,0.0,0.10658942860635356,0.17314075904063328,0.0,0.0,0.05742374706028915,0.0,0.0,0.0865714251544798,0.0,0.05052618967942617,0.0,0.07231905463144503,0.1633553179370914,0.04079801531120261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26791289216961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787965111579544,0.09820315016917916,0.15057767867786004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763132715408744,0.0,0.17342304996437224,0.0,0.09980883624191524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026468206146648,0.0,0.12293634128418747,0.0,0.09186640639895184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924588938882945,0.0,0.03719182695458465,0.051881164429858115,0.0,0.10887187320181696,0.0,0.0,0.0986947473649106
bpd,SuperNightmareDreams,2019/10/21,"is it a good idea to try not talking to my fp for a week? one friend thought i should try taking a break from talking to my fp for a bit. so i asked her, and she said she'd do it if i thought it might be good for me. so i'm trying it.

when i talk to her, i just feel really unstable. and since we don't live in the same town anymore, i can only text her, and she's pretty bad about texting back quickly, which just kills me. it makes me super depressed at times. talking to her makes me self-harm at times, even suicidal thoughts sometimes.

but not talking to her makes me feel mostly numb. it feels like i have no reason to avoid self-harm, so i'm just doing it for essentially no reason now. i don't have any reason to take care of myself without her. but i feel like, instinctually, it's probably bad to stay in this situation. but i know actually ENDING the friendship would probably kill me.

what should i do?",2.479070175438593,3.8044863105263182,4.006842105263161,88.89622807017548,75.36842105263158,6.961403508771928,24.24561403508772,7.554174236665415,0.9419719298245608,709,22,158,9,15,236,104,190,0.168,0.71,0.12300000000000001,-0.8822,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,0,0,1,12,14,2,1,6,0,15,1,0,6,0,36,33,11,3,4,10,0,4,2,1,4,1,1,0,0,11,4,0,1,12,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,5,30,7,21,23,3,15,0,1,0,0,18,5,0,3,10,107,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.10142885398381016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068165451212978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307893209073868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716834353288416,0.0,0.0,0.07992218934267539,0.17356839172372174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347377817289507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597209341547986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952196414926164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205854360181336,0.0,0.0,0.06865031186940979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021744765626352,0.14850718188881784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030252537017185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435714369346925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733376617257732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299848091227661,0.0,0.05712180888914425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155807305586224,0.0,0.09177948327877188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081390034207572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102621833187511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043132817626632,0.0790498125885769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574268688393908,0.22412628074354535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658558010417456,0.3205978599781639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886918971775767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686077210541396,0.0,0.0,0.08597889216861243,0.1168310806005954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279770375626,0.0,0.0,0.11078447096347853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369170483065325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629743505579874,0.4177086158500545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475463627487338,0.12121459658828278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170198775551624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337308943072938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019287780704723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738348345666411,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,123hkl89,2019/10/21,"AM I BEING DUMB FOR THINKING THIS MiGHT BE MY BPD OR AM I JUST DUMB? (Throwaway account for obvious reasons) Is it normal for somebody with BPD to question their sexuality 24/7 for no fucking reason??? Is there some kind of intrusive thoughts that make me randomly think ‘hm guess I’m a lesbian’ for days?! And then switch back? Idk! Does anybody else experience this??? I spend time
Wondering but then I KNOW I’m not??? And I’m 100% not attracted to females but then I get intrusrive thoughts that trigger me?? Like when I watch a show with a lesbian couple, I’m like WELL I GUESS THAT IS WHAT I WANT but I know it’s not? God my head is driving me
Crazy! I’m in a relationship! WTF??",-0.6461915708812249,0.8837149555555577,1.3469987228607927,93.69666666666667,114.25925925925928,4.232439335887611,22.432950191570878,6.129581340695534,0.7155670498084294,529,24,109,8,29,173,84,135,0.174,0.736,0.091,-0.8952,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,3,0,4,1,9,4,1,4,1,32,27,10,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,10,1,2,1,4,3,2,0,2,1,15,5,11,22,1,9,0,0,1,3,3,1,3,8,9,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593352109369535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41253990530542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812148654387616,0.0,0.10562187585758068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332135196255788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368137092894494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602042096143656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140813634837327,0.08556612319717935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608351309937881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680812737343286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054734760240178,0.18001385056677874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600252175347547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932165311155803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374029794494644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604655622907549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834664363750988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367777058679373,0.0,0.17583397390570996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988190627460385,0.0,0.2600394654791178,0.0954990164925535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659924093807122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725415985428947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760792554582175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,high_off_helium,2019/10/21,How to bring up possible BPD? I've been stalking many BPD communities and I often feel like the posts are putting how I feel into words.  How would I go about possibly bringing it up to a psychologist?   Even if it's not BPD I'd still like to hear a professional say that it's no.,2.2355172413793127,3.9514515172413813,4.192620689655172,85.66444827586207,76.93103448275863,8.088275862068969,25.393103448275863,8.841846274778883,1.7590027586206898,220,8,49,5,5,75,41,58,0.040999999999999995,0.8590000000000001,0.1,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,12,9,5,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,7,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.706424739893924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348811617542993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906947318506195,0.1335672892852781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625608528729463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072228484757327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826825659282025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895523925614416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215481738535963,0.17906005871845662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795069948239596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868146658753406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930988231466855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281403070831255,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veganmisosoup,2019/10/21,How can I best support a parent with BPD So my mom has been recently diagnosed with BPD. She’s been aware of having mental illness for a long time and it’s a relatively common topic in our household but I just want to know if any of you have some tips on how I could improve how I communicate and interact with her. Ask me any questions about it I’m not sure what information you need.,2.516274864376129,4.427085835443037,4.345605786618446,84.00784810126581,76.72151898734177,7.552260397830018,25.20976491862568,8.418075326091056,1.6798195298372511,307,11,63,6,7,104,61,79,0.055999999999999994,0.818,0.127,0.6659,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,2,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,3,1,20,13,8,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,11,3,10,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,3,4,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887447675164436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847335887239093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279745534664505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347729243415074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950557080802478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548167840909685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166754198218732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878802555934839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139501020876724,0.0,0.0,0.24864509494649134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741896337444267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23573582811440785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378264052448205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962224043261035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240917365867918,0.20009176717070826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379478364317575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522099777808696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amandalegresley,2019/10/21,DAE Does anyone else go day to day not knowing who the fuck they are,3.0260000000000002,3.394174266666667,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,73.0,6.0,21.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.33633333333333315,54,1,13,0,1,17,14,15,0.2,0.8,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28205082907925216,0.41330777421653103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5202900532038301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529982460186167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33697002399958825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37291586935271226,0.0,0.0,0.2292486495037877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216856478081892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Littlegidget22,2019/10/21,"In need of Input! Does anyone else experience a difficulty to make big life choices, because you go through strong excitement for said choice, but also intense doubt and you start to reject a choice you just felt really excited about making? I apologize if this is worded weird, I have a really hard time expressing my emotions, and  putting them into words. I’m happy to try and clarify in the comments!",6.7746575342465745,8.269542904109592,7.238246575342469,69.17216438356168,65.16438356164383,10.771506849315069,33.77808219178082,10.793553405168565,4.1546131506849315,324,14,51,9,5,106,60,73,0.14800000000000002,0.6579999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.5972,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,1,3,7,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,14,10,6,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,3,7,4,10,8,0,8,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,2,2,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335254140943406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905921433462612,0.2477336720318817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738773022321544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158457973062672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019773800972709,0.2719715928543864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365086562341957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321481122338481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740997216318904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573808536893609,0.21658869206531173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707773912862785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227819960156277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927788453827032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24305714175427146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097827811989109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299895301485068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113415758251174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098471018152195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415373631357255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cumyounut,2019/10/21,"my partner just makes me miserable i probably said something to him on Friday that made him upset and he hasn’t said much since then. He sent me a messages throughout the day just saying “boba” which is our nickname for eachother but then nothing else.

finally called me awhile ago and then started to complain about how his roommate is starting to feel uncomfortable with him being there since he doesn’t talk to her at ALL. he’s lived there for a year and has barely had a conversation with her. He went on about how weird it was and annoying that he has to speak to her.  

i said yeah it’s weird that you won’t talk to her and he started yelling at me that i always go against him and never support him or take his side and this is why he can’t talk to me about anything. i tried to say that i just didn’t agree with him and he tried to spin it as me purposely going against him and it made me sad. I start crying and it pissed him off and i just feel hurt.

i’m always wrong or the bad guy. i try to offer a perspective and get told my opinions don’t matter and that he didn’t ask for them.  i was told my feelings don’t matter. I feel so frustrated. my mental health has taken such a toll. i feel like i’ve been stripped of everything that i use to be and i have nothing. i’m just a headache. Im tired. i wish it was easier to let go of the people that hurt you.",1.623774038461541,3.3938180173611134,2.9063888888888885,93.95442307692308,78.89583333333333,5.95854700854701,22.188034188034187,6.844919456158928,0.3981726495726492,1071,32,243,11,26,346,142,288,0.2,0.7390000000000001,0.061,-0.9933,0,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,1,2,1,0,14,15,3,2,9,1,23,3,1,6,2,42,54,24,0,1,8,0,5,1,1,1,2,7,0,2,16,17,0,0,5,0,0,5,9,13,0,0,17,12,43,2,32,33,2,23,0,4,0,0,48,6,1,3,13,157,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512120521290844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785760858888863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883045403602508,0.0,0.1003175851911596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959688562224168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957247257233302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787173079746795,0.06920415535381373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964125201644033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964406369878245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712882862254989,0.07666016178195273,0.0,0.11754960333917015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606349285772663,0.0,0.1829551696084048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625082786629368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406235217343608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974878431626486,0.0,0.11591000351960225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097287057419956,0.0,0.05242479327736806,0.0,0.09475407110859002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307300771360126,0.0716282740108616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814024468965147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888301200928023,0.0,0.08276179476304517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205927973663502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439318155179359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156951247937004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062206682241775,0.17066971027965078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753096381327782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826101922033787,0.0,0.0,0.30380986506681457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177074299439695,0.0,0.0,0.08068153004514038,0.2587479716052051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333364244087733,0.0,0.20507292635487726,0.0,0.21856328326328375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267881824597657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994746894193494,0.09682790164568808,0.0,0.123397785692685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732338907115808,0.0,0.06910220741625338
bpd,a_fat_doggy,2019/10/21,What is it like to split? What usually brings you out of it? Is there ever a neutral (neither good or bad) zone? Thanks for input everyone! Learning for my SO,0.20612903225806534,2.567112838709684,2.053806451612904,91.38070967741936,98.03225806451613,5.060645161290323,22.32903225806452,6.742157984588678,0.9703496774193544,122,5,24,2,5,40,27,31,0.0,0.747,0.253,0.8455,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582738376523667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881382158862,0.0,0.4100157266265746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599019520362754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096326423086303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950501980358605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725841382996399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oh_my_bugs,2019/10/21,"Healthy things to do when feeling reckless? I'm in one of my ""reckless moods"" where I'd usually get drunk or self harm or pick fights with my partner etc.. What healthy things do you guys do when you're feeling destructive? Any advice welcomed.",4.286304347826088,6.551844369565224,3.5167391304347824,90.33206521739132,72.69565217391305,6.339130434782609,33.23913043478261,7.1686216300943375,2.0784521739130435,195,10,37,2,4,57,35,46,0.3,0.523,0.177,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,7,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,1,4,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176588999414061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106171041759692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625438382085076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287347251509253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983793487738644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321874722105135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027879767523825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33912345102134345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43192991728151897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580234786964177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Potatertot22,2019/10/21,"I keep messing up my relationships and I hate myself for it. I have lost so many friends and left so many jobs and now I have a boyfriend that loves me and cares about me and supports me but I am just constantly messing it up with him. Like we get into little spats like everyone does and I shit down. I am so tired of feeling numb so instead of saying or doing something I will regret, I just say and do nothing. It doesnt help that he goes to school in another town a few hours away so I only see him on the weekends. It feels like he is too much when we spend the entire weekend together but I miss him so fucking much during the week. I hate that I cant feel consistantly and that I am ruining maybe the only guy who will ever love me for me and accept me for who I am and what I have gone through. Maybe I should just leave him and save him from this hell that is my life and set him free... but even I know I'm too much of a selfish bitch to actually go through with it. I'll just lay here silently next to him and hate myself more for it I guess.",2.3529803921568617,3.3925029333333327,3.679320261437912,92.25717647058822,75.22222222222223,6.716339869281048,23.901960784313715,7.048011613610866,0.6190078431372541,820,24,192,8,17,269,123,225,0.205,0.66,0.135,-0.9734,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,1,19,26,7,0,7,0,16,8,2,0,1,37,37,24,0,2,8,0,3,3,1,3,3,2,0,1,15,18,0,1,5,2,2,2,2,15,0,0,2,6,38,12,23,32,5,22,1,4,1,3,21,10,4,2,12,139,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.12065305400249465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964543917481944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616216443102642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260573910423571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360897737776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081966272287711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166186898444194,0.11183783572204108,0.0,0.1181416042046235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875455755547593,0.08832715905007582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955225712357012,0.11430152914108417,0.06459585964131097,0.0,0.07026644169714201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362014229721299,0.12242126228277435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366201394499849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287208328112496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175872786184168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269184173850285,0.10989531829982674,0.0,0.0,0.06794832458347771,0.0,0.0,0.1309150081761089,0.1343332725484739,0.0,0.08732932129377123,0.18121014669189825,0.12391796330552543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496570701346647,0.0,0.22317661609413733,0.0,0.0,0.2506994701425336,0.2484223920053681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27266492214994337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149063469548786,0.0,0.0,0.11863419317044807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806485398442974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327411629064152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966441277254122,0.0,0.12512846517188278,0.0985236426667453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269128417009183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095182731373037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403031709573576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421039298493255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991751110886675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stevenbrown01,2019/10/21,"i'm lonely, i have a lot on my mind, and i'm not sure if i have BPD or not. earlier i had the worst mental breakdown, i just felt so alone and empty inside so i decided to write how i feel. 

 

sometimes i see people who have their best friends who they’re so close with, and it breaks my heart because i don’t have that. i’ve been through so much and i’ve battled most of the shit in my life by myself and i’m proud of myself for that. but not all battles can be fought by one person, sometimes you need someone you can count on to be there for you and support you. if anything, i’ve rarely had support like that from anyone. living with a mental illness that always makes you feel crazy, making you feel stupid and brainless, like you’re not good enough for anyone, and you seem to pester everyone is complete hell. i can’t scream this enough. i’m to the point where i feel so trapped and i don’t know what to do. everything i’ve done to make it better seems to be helping a little bit, but i’m slowly failing. i would never wish this pain on anyone, i’ve become so bitter and different in the last year and i miss how shit used to be. trauma definitely changes you and they say its for the best. but it’s the trauma that’s continuous you seem to can’t get away from. i feel so pointless and worthless and no matter how many times i tell people to stay positive and happy, i feel like i’m lying because most of the time it usually never gets better.

​

i'm not suicidal either, but sometimes i wonder why i simply exist.",3.682609321058692,4.523691547468354,4.612451093210588,87.57679516685849,71.81645569620251,7.011277330264673,25.123130034522447,6.980632752743323,0.916378481012658,1203,34,253,10,22,391,159,316,0.237,0.605,0.158,-0.982,1,4,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,9,2,6,13,31,8,0,10,0,21,6,3,7,4,65,53,32,1,5,14,0,7,3,1,1,3,2,0,1,15,18,0,0,13,0,0,0,12,17,0,1,6,11,34,14,30,42,12,20,1,4,1,0,20,10,3,10,11,165,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646904210684598,0.0,0.0,0.07750322853040248,0.10092143159238172,0.11318009512879072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953852479554813,0.0,0.07664953498948425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751180772816522,0.0,0.0,0.11355937554620607,0.10287017552219856,0.0,0.0,0.19549765932201715,0.16475651013859904,0.1016890700161584,0.0,0.11731154515981004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853394931934324,0.0,0.0976596600976464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731560372893898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953186003833312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192485199896326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900303642319671,0.08371177686956037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825782806063569,0.06654205694105285,0.08943279952673397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196278520311301,0.0,0.09732773965868163,0.0,0.0,0.07812472660356751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915346745026904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037602996708662,0.06243242671701845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118947934145104,0.0759247515208671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657903269237848,0.13651628818529835,0.0933547083249984,0.08224781488249765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918765596635878,0.0,0.0,0.18652293096029565,0.09443334641759844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773438908792456,0.0,0.09404883778061983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847152099330693,0.06906505916936924,0.14367671373641086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311675153121986,0.0,0.09911173060703836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291485748993272,0.08132970496038401,0.0,0.0,0.08805114013075226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407180806534057,0.0,0.0,0.07422366926410143,0.2543842632340253,0.0,0.0,0.19122185361414232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892056710518279,0.0,0.2763652465729105,0.0,0.0,0.0992790581745095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018843641141957,0.21139730273814916,0.08778707115531814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141191833635565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086259733122254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044646733846446,0.10258490234062577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404792782875234,0.0,0.10711094643026887,0.0,0.10101064120322377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616679009699253,0.0,0.11318009512879072,0.059981650361286915
bpd,lilthiumc,2019/10/21,"New diagnosis Hi, I just got diagnosed with BPD and I’m struggling with coming to terms with it. I don’t know if this counts as medical advice, but I was just wondering if anyone who has it has any advice in general? How to cope, am i just a crazy person etc? Sorry if this isn’t aloud I have a therapist but just wanted to talk to people who have it themselves.",2.6552000000000007,4.097249386666668,4.703666666666667,83.60350000000003,75.13333333333333,8.200000000000001,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.574066666666667,284,8,59,6,6,98,50,75,0.099,0.9009999999999999,0.0,-0.7013,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,19,14,8,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,9,12,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440657793706412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451470231702058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887474185117093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28617065487472393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572650386992624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306195030339897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25340595226480456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817254279399283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248719962377394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288962612147184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194466723423392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752299658456587,0.19839628655112726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543497601676209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237535544352212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826276503537413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381534117084793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401791043309233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464061086491031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,You_Matter_To_Me,2019/10/21,Has anything helped you all? Has anything helped long term?,3.677999999999997,6.505024800000001,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,101.0,2.0,25.0,3.1291,-0.060999999999999936,48,2,8,0,2,12,7,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7156443962783945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5829052496173063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848045842293436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lengthyrussian,2019/10/21,"FP left me stranded basically stood me up basically ? I’m going to be all over the place,,, I don’t know hhhhhh. Why everyone I love hurts me...? I’m so shocked and now numb. My first boyfriend did this to me. Took everything, first kiss, first everything. I Was sitting on the co ncrete ,,,on someone’s property... And here I was thinking this was the right address.  Praying that every car that passed by was him. But it wasn’t.",1.3330120481927707,3.87050115662651,3.0012168674698816,88.32857228915665,85.6265060240964,6.693493975903616,25.16746987951808,7.908726449838941,1.6533624096385542,328,14,68,7,10,108,58,83,0.098,0.787,0.114,0.3332,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,0,8,3,0,0,1,6,16,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,3,0,3,8,0,10,2,7,7,1,16,1,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,4,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779081394904024,0.2129768364524699,0.4006305880783941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5687593837924485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667107884796744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386037500523296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224921509189083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421659635510666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116304491503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286811610676506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034316867342013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885032902895416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281615585462884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476342120374361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20111967522366314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WhyMyDamnBallsItchy,2019/10/21,"I’m done. I have to go to this psychiatric ward thing for 5 and a half hours a day, every day, for the next 2 weeks, and that means i’ll be missing the only classes that i actually have friends in. Tv shows, movies, youtube, video games, hanging out with friends, literally nothing entertains me anymore. So when i’m home i’m pretty much just stuck in a mental prison with my own thoughts bouncing back and forth and spiraling. I broke up with my girlfriend 2 days ago because i was “bored” and my mood was horrible at the time, and i don’t really have an excuse for being an asshole like that besides the BPD, but that shouldn’t just be an excuse for how i am all the time. and i fucking  hate how irrational i can get sometimes, and what sucks is i KNOW its irrational thoughts, but the emotions are still there and i can’t do anything about it. I’ve completely given up on school, i don’t turn in any assignments and i just put random answers for tests. and my teachers feel bad for me and always try to help me catch up, and i say no, which makes me feel like shit because they’re just trying to be nice and do what’s best for me, yet i decide to just be so stubborn. Alot more shit has happened to me the past couple months but this is just the recent stuff. But even after all that, i wasn’t sad for once yesterday, i wasn’t happy, but i atleast wasn’t sad. So i told myself “Matt, come on let’s get something done today, let’s go for a run or build something, just something productive for once! 😊” , so i ran for a little bit, and came back home. Side Note: one of the only things that makes me happy anymore is losing weight and weed. So i decided to hit up this dealer that i had added from my friends snapchat, i told him what i want, and he came by my house. I walked up to the car, there were 2 ppl inside, and he asked to see the money, so i said “yeah but can i see the stuff first just to see that you got it” and then he opened the glovebox and pulled a gun on me. i don’t even know if it was real but it shook me so i gave him the money, he drove off, and i just stood there watching the car drive away. I felt angry, sad, and completely humiliated. The one day i wasn’t wallowing in despair all day, the one day i actually try something for once, and this happens. Every single time i try to get up, life just keeps pushing me back down, and i’m tired of it. i’m just gonna stay down from now on, i’m tired of trying over and over and just failing every single time. Why can’t i just be happy?",3.0960803088803104,3.8750457771428586,4.103783783783786,90.91297297297298,73.13333333333333,7.047104247104246,24.66537966537967,7.113659591113569,0.7603657657657656,1943,55,443,18,37,630,240,525,0.16899999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.092,-0.9924,0,0,4,1,0,0,60.0,0,1,0,4,36,29,6,1,27,1,38,7,2,4,3,81,87,46,0,3,22,0,4,2,4,2,3,2,2,0,26,34,1,2,11,5,2,18,11,17,0,5,26,10,54,11,56,50,11,73,0,8,4,1,21,25,4,4,31,286,80,5,0.0,0.0,0.13683170737484887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062147019603338474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058335948780209625,0.0,0.0,0.04767623357214333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905773079722655,0.0,0.0,0.0576933817075687,0.0,0.06554205152762854,0.0,0.06586931189958377,0.16172749462356814,0.05853772978065566,0.08547507040661426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357462171002567,0.0,0.07654040344451908,0.0,0.08829929306861596,0.0,0.0,0.16037106009999375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060392327557386785,0.14701500924220653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757380222366958,0.0,0.2712853767850892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349082212961076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886270794936917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261210213818022,0.0,0.17720848881302942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089800178404057,0.050085578356523885,0.06731522429953687,0.0,0.0,0.0596343161370799,0.0,0.0,0.16249712810518294,0.06481424576126857,0.1098865068581346,0.0,0.07968863505416465,0.0,0.0560722301408294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399355863093273,0.22389563795874967,0.0,0.06921770093421327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699229846611482,0.0,0.14064922947512673,0.0,0.06904282182853368,0.08089587995687937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231572072413871,0.0,0.0,0.07705967613406152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338153120606895,0.04951975826598801,0.06850301461629141,0.07026720804414255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843355979060215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935960333795734,0.0,0.0,0.07636878871987626,0.0,0.0,0.07065295158524308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595999386695363,0.0,0.05153786774188022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456126244767138,0.0,0.0,0.06727106635947405,0.0,0.0,0.2239900255381216,0.14252214988905074,0.10664145752729602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692656560759004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132562293882826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047847969709896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979890447047659,0.04491334691434674,0.0,0.06922375759562101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668930735433534,0.05575315097566795,0.0,0.07095361850645332,0.16760236640095572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393088481101782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158920178863431,0.06933917108749031,0.0,0.0,0.07472641027262199,0.055988796733774514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605150848610568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315404094272772,0.0,0.0,0.11131675106556146,0.16352349019516366,0.1611589818982694,0.0664547293543409,0.13398349133365506,0.0,0.23799559413225396,0.07625799493134086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041351852638264186,0.0,0.05623686814870057,0.08537335420839037,0.0,0.0,0.06326208218509928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BoofingPalcohol,2019/10/21,"I’m new pretty new to my BPD diagnosis. What would you say to just-diagnosed you? I’ve had the BPD diagnosis for a couple years. (I’ve been in some form of inpatient or outpatient treatment for 10+ years, and suspected BPD for about 5 years now). 

When I look at BPD clinically, it’s an entirely correct diagnosis. I should feel like I’ve made progress in my mental health, as I have with other discoveries about myself. But personally, it’s only made me sit back and question absolutely every single second of my entire life. 

While browsing this sub and many other sites, I have learned that although we are similar, we are also so very different. There’s no telling what will work for me. But to get started on living a happy stable life, I’m asking all of you:

What would you tell yourself the moment you knew/found out something was different about you/the moment you were diagnosed with BPD?

Be as vague or as broad as you’d like. As squishy or as tough-love as you wish you were given. 
PMs are great as well. 

Thank you",3.5514029411764696,5.527073005000003,4.692235294117649,82.37582352941179,73.95,7.905882352941178,25.764705882352942,8.671277953709913,1.8889088235294118,811,28,157,16,17,266,123,200,0.028999999999999998,0.828,0.14300000000000002,0.9716,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,2,10,0,2,10,6,0,0,5,0,16,6,0,2,2,26,28,21,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,4,6,1,0,1,9,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,3,22,6,28,14,4,20,0,0,1,0,18,7,0,5,14,102,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842742683047247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851831970566273,0.0,0.0,0.0810325617887426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6636272272199859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660362271439947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139218382238332,0.0,0.2202043598689201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878921826282288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532845085212843,0.07528520859758289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554636376242428,0.0,0.0,0.05505795521940439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618446954677293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218152583981483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201656475671164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886941323584352,0.102969036480718,0.0,0.09305459110783908,0.0,0.08849467591769197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943075243882688,0.0,0.10684121457072916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620067437909717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035579598515462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014806495737513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201584809057607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721178785395401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805240743379712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380431531203361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112852109558072,0.0,0.0,0.07459020609236196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421772743549164,0.09702195661251448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695151767097847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475143475234303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118456079935735,0.0,0.0,0.07671964329820499,0.0,0.0,0.14972126873376895,0.0,0.0,0.20358843416023736
bpd,cmVkZGl0,2019/01/27,"Does anybody have constant low level trust issues? I was recently in an accident. I'm physically fine but my car wasn't even paid off and I loved my car and thinking about what situation will come after is dragging me down a bad rabbit hole.

Several people have been trying to cheer me up or say nice things, but I don't feel any of it at all and it's like I'm resistant. It's like I don't really believe them or trust what they are saying. I can never feel it when somebody is nice to me, it just feels odd, undeserving, and ""too good to be true"", like ""you don't really mean this, so what's your real angle?"" I hate being superficial friends with a lot of people but honestly that's the only way I'm most comfortable. Once things get deep it's time to avoid or say goodbye, as pathetic as that sounds.",2.503584415584413,4.2103712242424285,4.382186147186147,84.63613636363638,76.15151515151516,7.865800865800867,23.300865800865804,8.634040054169528,1.4976320346320349,632,19,132,13,14,215,109,165,0.138,0.605,0.257,0.978,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,2,0,6,19,1,1,4,0,15,1,0,0,3,25,28,14,0,0,7,0,3,3,1,1,0,4,0,0,14,6,0,1,5,0,1,3,5,4,0,0,4,7,15,15,16,21,3,18,0,1,0,1,9,8,0,5,9,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112820310114724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852278866097908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869168316843752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429114804814491,0.0,0.1792831282413765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451835810395856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957793119076148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516579209959849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817690640933602,0.0,0.08667791652346579,0.0,0.0,0.13915228186147596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379570909286265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731605208760454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24315672947744635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104552427934086,0.1497347059642336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180717933882606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795528020360888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766821904781027,0.0,0.12617735722674062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300336868708924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883490734542246,0.21256451474922933,0.0,0.16381004148380646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958002118663445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742413287901905,0.0,0.0,0.1864828835060092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043829808189624,0.10630449103048577,0.0,0.0,0.09673987169594596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126378269596676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316867574772935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SwimmingChipmunks,2019/01/27,"Patted my knees and suggested that hubby give that a try since the chair was wet; he then started making ""jokes"" about orgies. I went from so happy to so hurt in only a few seconds. He always claims that it's a ""joke"", but it's almost daily. Whether it's calling me crazy or criticizing something or these orgie comments. I'm tired of it. There's a time and place for that kind of stuff, but not when your wife is being romantic and sweet. I'm feeling like a ping pong ball with my emotions right now. I went from one extreme to another almost instantly.",4.113727272727271,5.3529850545454565,4.790681818181817,85.20602272727272,71.18181818181819,7.3181818181818175,26.47727272727273,7.645422480735847,1.3977272727272718,436,14,86,5,8,140,81,110,0.10800000000000001,0.759,0.133,0.4356,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,3,2,1,1,0,14,11,12,0,0,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,3,3,6,6,10,7,1,10,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,4,6,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977585889698829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525948735203916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082599740025036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280308592345592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340959493107093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004232182222545,0.14188707265420403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052487529590031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142411110758755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126161861307942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682182345100444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703084731003908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257376298763493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345833225164776,0.15105190684250894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750524963343908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961191335223078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429230108196474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289973397757653,0.0,0.0,0.14057722875803785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22736101144382545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581112814966645,0.2282730570735123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484319943617082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368227046664552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imnotcrauzy,2019/01/27,On top of the world Was how I felt this morning but now I feel like shit? I hate the emotional whiplash. ,-0.4219696969696969,1.8131092272727287,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,93.0909090909091,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.02658787878787905,81,3,20,1,3,25,19,22,0.326,0.45899999999999996,0.215,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492323544779138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130076726813508,0.31267388756962355,0.4202349970790707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321117645018263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138250629537218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492653451543373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sloth-for-knowledge,2019/01/27,"Might start DBT: Frantic over every detail. Advice? My therapist submitted me for an outpatient DBT program at a hospital. I hope I get in. I'll have the option of a 5 day a week program at 1:30pm to 2:45pm or 3:30pm to 4:45pm. OR, the night program typically for working people thats only twice a week from 6pm to 7:15pm.

I'm currently not working but I am in desperate need of a job and really need to apply more. I'm worried the 5 day a week program due to the times will interfere with the hours of any job I try to get. 

I'm just really anxious when nothing is even official yet. I dunno which to go with. I sleep in and stay up late, but I want to change and be the type of person with a normal sleep schedule.  I don't see myself being that type of person because I enjoy / feel more comfortable with my current schedule.  I over think everything, I want to change, I don't want to put in work. But I know I have to put in the work. 

I just really hope I get into the DBT program. I hope my mindset changes and I actually start fighting for myself. I know that's up to me...

But right now I'm just overwhelmed by which times to pick and what jobs to apply for when nothing offically happened yet.

The type of jobs I would be applying to would either be office work via a temp agency which is typically 35 hour a week position. I'm gonna have to start looking in retail maybe, or a day care, or human resources? Maybe they have somethung part-time?  My resume has so many gaps. And here I wanted to actually be a social worker myself one day! Ha! Maybe? It's so sad, people constantly tell me how capable and smart they think I am. I sure don't feel it right now!

Sorry my message is all over the place. I dunno how to just chill, and do better. Advice?",2.0668333333333315,3.8799835166666696,4.0063888888888926,86.37625000000004,77.72222222222223,6.9444444444444455,23.472222222222207,7.865858978985527,1.2031388888888888,1366,44,283,22,32,464,169,360,0.06,0.8059999999999999,0.134,0.9782,6,0,1,0,2,0,48.0,0,0,2,7,16,14,1,2,22,1,23,2,2,3,2,55,55,22,0,12,14,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,9,13,0,1,6,0,1,3,4,4,0,2,0,4,37,10,48,45,4,50,0,2,2,0,9,17,0,11,29,178,46,18,0.0,0.0,0.15587175793770444,0.0,0.0,0.1560846243263685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431035307028954,0.0,0.0,0.0902237444676544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868443776569055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063334071497514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142681221482623,0.0,0.2534570078624673,0.0,0.0,0.08630476183263391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602305022983747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274951048823135,0.0,0.06728898148609501,0.0,0.07177673832141188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076341649435709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251771488218629,0.0,0.04538863057347178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062359422224032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379693303772439,0.15730017870655316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170113382459369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087782484159327,0.0,0.09009022725033557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706576232957855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096970161310585,0.24070278580867274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472323048570811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843649399240562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494708415768606,0.07824989930249984,0.15326359033246365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411800737921347,0.0607402764049484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864850796619157,0.0,0.1107354760797464,0.13946857106605753,0.08344102687398791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057103631790093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348903714020326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640707640093686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364137861182646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984363153504508,0.08141143202083008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940136485979751,0.16958474559161124,0.08512454574332604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527100570492913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980477750195246,0.0,0.0,0.09272842072303787,0.0,0.10234743079419398,0.0,0.0,0.09313884321783382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054222507853675474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842375318900415,0.0,0.2562487793924902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907102212698658,0.08110590969117812,0.0,0.11346638563794614,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imdep,2019/01/27,"In a lot of emotional pain... I'm in transference focused psychotherapy and it's breaking me. I'm in emotional pain all the time. That, combined with grad school, my internship, and a weekly therapy group for binge eating/with CBT stuff...I'm so tired. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted all the time. My heart actually hurts because of the emotional pain I feel. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of feeling this way and I don't know how much longer I can hold out. ",3.2331461988304087,5.596419378947368,4.798245614035089,79.4621637426901,76.26315789473685,9.27485380116959,29.50292397660819,9.725611199111238,3.2099941520467836,391,18,75,12,9,131,61,95,0.201,0.705,0.094,-0.9263,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,4,7,1,1,2,15,12,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,7,0,10,12,4,9,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,41,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.13616383349318995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837899172260693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505786763868307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6278222403304617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411038990177279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653469773370452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493726918357492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533670976042527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862575198933707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061619079414886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257262408594824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454180426512179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121458953347654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973161270502148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595678569009262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272533404967407,0.32074473377742146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075460006687712,0.11192475337314482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gabriella_123,2019/01/27,"Preventing Addiction BPD? Hey so I think my boyfriend who has BPD is starting to become addicted to alcohol as a sense of emotional calming is there anyway to help him because he really wants to stop but you know how it goes, any advice? ",4.081666666666667,6.3952531111111135,5.317500000000003,76.97625000000005,73.44444444444444,9.833333333333336,31.25,10.125756701596842,3.782000000000002,190,9,33,6,4,63,40,45,0.06,0.8240000000000001,0.11599999999999999,0.3774,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,7,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920399542383423,0.0,0.22052781943479055,0.0,0.2411788410584653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346731027498373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375698977040463,0.24924123535053985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5684616418332479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538549453928093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126575882553872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402553999007228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457372216624462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597345214329515,0.0,0.0,0.18867510772944296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460396618312996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331094577695391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CaptainSchazu,2019/01/27,"I have an urge to cut What are your ways to get rid of this stupid urge? I really don't want to do that, I hate myself every time I do it, but im just after a stupid argument and I feel so bad and sad and empty and heavy and all at once. ",0.7092857142857127,0.9853399285714308,3.3557142857142854,95.93928571428572,78.28571428571428,7.028571428571429,15.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,-0.5311642857142861,180,1,50,2,4,64,41,56,0.43,0.57,0.0,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,10,9,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,7,0,6,9,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31695293631086796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198321895921452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193885659920729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832707976055708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747797128107328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100367519272464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042651725913856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431836225523575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134976265464093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22389988755463056,0.30131146549349525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blue_Vertigo,2019/01/27,"Random negative ramble I'm so tired of feeling like this, of constantly getting tired of people or pushing people away. I'm on the verge of yet another breakup and I'm only 22, but I jump into relationships because I need to feel the love and validation and that's obviously a mistake on my part. But it keeps hitting me that personality disorders are only something you can learn to control and you will be like this forever and you won't ever get rid of it. And I don't want to be like this forever and I'm so tired of being alone in this because I have no one who understands and I had to give up therapy and it's just. So fucking hard. And recently I've been contemplating suicide more and more yet again, because I don't want to live like this and I see no future for myself because I don't know how to do this on my own or how do people with BPD even have successful careers and live their lives.


On my phone so sorry if there are any typos or formatting mistakes. Just a random ramble. Maybe hoping someone gives me a glimpse of hope so I'd actually have an idea how to carry on.",2.764132290184921,4.577181563063069,4.753328591749646,81.79444523470842,75.7117117117117,7.736747273589379,27.449976292081555,8.532816995589336,2.0863927927927928,865,35,171,17,19,297,121,222,0.162,0.711,0.127,-0.6914,0,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,3,1,2,17,11,1,0,6,0,18,5,0,4,2,45,40,27,1,8,8,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,12,15,0,2,6,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,2,4,18,8,25,32,4,19,0,0,1,2,11,10,1,8,11,122,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.11215300226158237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903059132833853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815487848868519,0.12051187061271347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079784975013881,0.0,0.0,0.2802358005622309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474760280658305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419617610098625,0.1289013553727148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171727204624453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590876047536929,0.10395881933005367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162219474853784,0.08210447842039273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624894464749553,0.12009011545270985,0.22049853055188498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295277873830906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282985722887467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973955266233714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215315297002717,0.0,0.0,0.0631613402883606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22459176752473456,0.0,0.3044501892146184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372687097096013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546047185771895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521754392410735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787808496288327,0.17481561630262427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445566102863205,0.0,0.239029499574375,0.10035056493327424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134773860697138,0.12338949947624572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158261604048876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737799365824823,0.08847707316818594,0.0,0.12865231787937692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257124134620576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143001160275408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39627796820066297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964394414836026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355748462526992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alvxismsucks,2019/01/27,"had to end a relationship bc of bpd ill be short, but basically i met someone who i believed could be my soulmate. but i quickly realized im still not recovered enough to be in a relationship. i still have lots of development and self love to achieve. so i broke things off. it hurts a lot, because i really thought this was .. it you know? but im proud of myself for having the power of mind to do this and standing up for myself enough to communicate that i wanted to break up. todays gonna be a rough day. ",2.4462998921251327,4.277014708737863,4.453915857605182,83.51403451995688,76.66990291262134,7.684573894282633,26.00755124056095,8.515128840125781,1.7952101402373248,397,15,83,8,9,136,69,103,0.1,0.762,0.139,0.745,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,0,0,14,16,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,11,2,16,6,4,13,0,2,0,1,7,5,0,2,6,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797701327684232,0.0,0.0,0.19956524032395426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230894667801982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142416598371646,0.0,0.0,0.11423441787018022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688490918776873,0.3660459893308319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962169611469565,0.0,0.3826623331994072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734620437812308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011797674481737,0.1598670505556552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885115265674512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134742336685474,0.0,0.0,0.380343399278448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847855788665612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008196515953715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829130421077433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176775294575958,0.0,0.0,0.14062170701424742,0.0,0.0,0.16789885424294113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447606583073056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rcnans,2019/01/27,bpd is so unfair It's so cruel that we get to feel this much and everything affects us so much. I'm having the biggest mental breakdown over an 'OK' that got deleted afterwards lol. It's so stupid but i just cant control how emotionally stupid and worthless it makes me feel. No matter how much I try to understand other people's emotions I always failed and I've lost all of my friends already and it sucks. It's not fair that loving this much feels so great yet so miserable at times. It's SO unfair that something so small makes me want to kill myself and it has zero effect on everyone else. It's simply not fair that I've a brain that constantly attacks me for no reason and I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying but it doesn't work I just don't seem able to understand human interaction at its core and it feels like im failing again and I'm so scared because this is the first relationship that isn't bpd motivated like this is the first person I actually love and I just hate how everything I do ruins everything because I never understand anything!! I just want people to know Im trying but i bet it doesnt seem like it cos ive the emotional intelligence of a fetus. k cool. just venting. ,2.5886922503725813,4.593037176229512,4.40430700447094,83.2400223546945,76.827868852459,7.223248882265277,24.61549925484352,8.150884317080207,1.5755885245901642,957,33,187,17,22,324,124,244,0.28,0.58,0.139,-0.9934,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,2,0,0,9,19,23,7,2,7,3,12,3,1,11,2,47,38,24,1,2,10,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,25,10,0,1,13,0,1,0,10,14,0,3,2,5,18,9,12,36,5,14,0,6,0,2,9,6,1,3,11,117,43,4,0.09603784799977086,0.0,0.09371908602165163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598015340012194,0.0,0.07991118296740711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903096594883931,0.0,0.0,0.10925691657363386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708756149916537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419126151829262,0.10720999999102608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037827956171942,0.10771461279571183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802272986963147,0.32408895797638143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176827937534096,0.2589378756780208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942384862525815,0.06860945780030568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633794888952954,0.0,0.0,0.0741986031324406,0.0,0.05017581176388114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681024026979537,0.1058820664631345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481749212269014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747471203442236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062516496207777,0.0,0.0527798896539692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075772442082551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483665589854492,0.0,0.17335581477543965,0.0,0.12821201857191694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967835624408512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282395474144999,0.0,0.07407030892295187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316110302052245,0.0838565445209168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987429028247618,0.0,0.10310870759046993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961506397858138,0.0,0.0,0.17485849977934834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393462737496037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600044148458164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260169735096741,0.0,0.0,0.29993636017314546,0.11552170631538655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329122201021352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991669714908244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pritidope,2019/01/27,"I Hate How Needy I Am My boyfriend of two years needs space because we’ve been having a bit of a rough patch, but it feels like the more he wants space, the less I can give. I get so worked up thinking that he’s going to leave me that I push myself on to him more and more thinking that he’ll realize he doesn’t need space anymore. Boy, am I wrong in that assumption. I just end up pushing him away more and as a result, I’m in bed crying my eyes out because I think I fucked it all up. I hate this illness and I wish my rational mind was a bit better at handling these situations. Anyone else know how I feel?",3.835744274809162,3.7124096259542014,4.758082061068702,90.11513835877865,71.06106870229006,7.771374045801528,26.29866412213741,7.1686216300943375,0.945113740458016,475,13,112,4,8,155,87,131,0.209,0.7140000000000001,0.077,-0.9603,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,3,0,6,0,7,3,1,3,1,22,25,8,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,3,1,4,0,1,2,4,19,2,14,22,8,17,0,0,1,1,8,12,1,0,3,69,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663621433552669,0.11729414982334785,0.1718788920081013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576059072174921,0.0,0.0,0.2045167260354906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836054656213335,0.3662773870192051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426463316056024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013294203038484,0.0,0.14857601177203086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963808439528727,0.11984007100949565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508144398707124,0.08764203999752075,0.1609203302134621,0.09533574331079832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312352364596257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219058023188216,0.0,0.0,0.1776221950842891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195379194330063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693788848152743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487678312218183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885571433949041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32246076608063096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386660581019347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894283183211536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290331583029974,0.0,0.0,0.1221234246666516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340743028111212,0.0,0.10802499304960064
bpd,sijapeny,2019/01/27,"Not recognising yourself in the mirror Does anybody else have this weird problem where sometimes when you look in the mirror you don’t recognise yourself at all? For me at least, it doesn’t necessarily feel like you’re looking at someone else, it just feels weird and unfamiliar. ",12.641799999999995,9.945422380000004,10.444000000000004,64.71200000000002,55.2,12.4,47.0,10.125756701596842,4.8996,229,11,37,3,2,69,37,50,0.124,0.828,0.048,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,3,1,6,7,2,7,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26676522915810197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093049990221227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082698584474273,0.21777587183985664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892813681343986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119732165231641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29168818560297793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582877070159165,0.0,0.3014919450214211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lzrdbrat,2019/01/27,"Tfw ya wanna disappear I put myself in this pickle and I hate myself for it 
I wish I could restart 
",-1.8357142857142847,-1.0059479047619,1.2194285714285726,93.80057142857143,123.28571428571428,3.5847619047619053,13.723809523809528,5.6839178017228535,-0.5075219047619046,78,2,16,1,5,27,17,21,0.251,0.628,0.121,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019730112151333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970639628154751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5061178273567025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789558359292577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsaidanagain,2019/01/27,Should I text my ex with bpd asking if she still want to be friends? She broke up with me about 5-6 months ago and said we would remain friends and that she wanted us to hang out in the future after about 4 months I reached out and made plans with her which she agreed to do but never ended up happening last time I’ve heard from her was Christmas when I texted her wishing her a merry Christmas. I would hate to lose her i think we could remain really good friends.,4.674062500000002,4.95066828125,4.416666666666668,91.895,69.3125,7.2333333333333325,24.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.4910333333333337,369,8,82,2,6,112,67,96,0.096,0.688,0.21600000000000005,0.8761,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,3,0,0,2,4,7,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,22,17,6,0,8,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,2,19,4,16,8,0,17,0,2,0,0,19,5,0,1,11,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953762715604348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879930471092714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088126384752734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527030044601097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939677049382168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432936236437705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041714271492727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912777030254267,0.0,0.0,0.18882650927564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589983133153335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396745493465352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097182321304706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053187308554509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750904671462292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252401341359755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192902890111773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527379399068762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254964475430745,0.0,0.0,0.11152338715883213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300584002039856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256164501385383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199358990019269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27172670859607706,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,audrosaurusrex,2019/01/27,"BPD/severe general anxiety/ativan okay to take? CW depression/suicidal thoughts

Hi guys, I have BPD and severe anxiety that is currently unmedicated. I took lamictal 300 mg/day for the past several years (prescribed when I was misdiagnosed BP and it worked for the BPD so I kept with it), but quit cold turkey (I know) when the suicidal ideations got too strong for me. It got to the point when I was terrified someone wouldn't answer my 2 am phone call and I'd listen to the voice in my head to just end it instead of the knowledge I have a lifetime of surviving those nights. So I stopped the medication and the dangerous thoughts stopped too. Swell.

Now my crippling anxiety is back. Irritability too. I will be meeting with a psychiatrist this week but my GP gave me a script for ativan until then. He DID NOT do his due diligence when giving me the script. He did not ask me if I have allergies, if I have tried it before, if I have issues with addiction - anything that I would expect a doctor writing a prescription that could be abused to someone who has a predilection for abuse.

I have always sought out un-sobriety. Alcohol to ease the edge, weed to clear my head, whatever. I do not mix drugs with the workday - it's a nights or weekends thing only. I have never taken ativan but today has been awful and I'm dying for the numbing feeling I know it would bring me. Plus it was prescribed by a doctor so it must be okay, right? (/sarcasm)

Thoughts? I used klonopin in college without an issue (but that was before I started self-medicating with alcohol. I have a strong desire for the numbness right now rather than the desire to not feel anxious, which is a distinction that worries me.",4.177466068553024,6.242001381987578,4.965458937198068,80.70409822866348,72.44720496894409,8.124407637451116,29.938348286174367,8.841846274778883,2.58969804462848,1343,58,245,27,27,434,174,322,0.155,0.74,0.105,-0.9655,1,0,3,0,2,0,43.0,0,0,0,5,16,7,1,0,25,3,32,11,2,1,4,53,53,23,2,12,15,0,2,0,0,5,9,2,0,1,19,12,2,3,9,1,0,2,7,3,0,0,16,5,32,4,30,28,0,31,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,4,23,173,51,4,0.0,0.22425011606084985,0.0,0.10316433172126037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022685657844148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874253713704353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478852403514744,0.10690876143082316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787519268412131,0.0,0.08846941781811139,0.0,0.0,0.07276721311506633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610520399922054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575622155299005,0.0,0.09663124205884034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555703824186487,0.0,0.0,0.06103068891739604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982144878681912,0.0,0.0,0.1937225095514764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097446544675472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838170690321524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956989413072838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907809428003342,0.0,0.0,0.1513738871671179,0.0,0.0,0.0937019054646436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424225988849927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975452843900718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040160404798868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051163303260696,0.09533315510899656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298708183930509,0.0,0.0,0.17761399701211467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197293525926418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033825090710218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945911419657833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006542279010168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163274617417292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872323412233144,0.3207262842924695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036507908102549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698197987581905,0.0,0.0,0.1582354541226239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702707427985534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711525100825199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287019995196222,0.0,0.0,0.2253849535673097,0.0,0.0,0.08970136088523836,0.0,0.10514114590306678,0.06424984011152103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173283954820174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590917386728689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122318284772288,0.0,0.06889421376738361,0.09610477154284608,0.0,0.13444964874998974,0.0,0.0,0.06094078170255893
bpd,Fiddycent420,2019/01/27,Having extreme manic episodes Don't know what this is but the past year I have started having crazy manic episodes is the only way I can describe used to have them maybe 2 times a month started improving my lifestyle and haven't had one in 4 months but just an hour ago had my worst one ever was sitting down when I suddenly started crying for no reason and feeling extremely depressed I never usually be like this then I got this crazy rush of adrenaline and extreme anger aswell as extremely violent thoughts and impulses just felt like I was absolutely crazy and started smashing shit have Broke my hand to pieces and am extremely scared of myself atm because I feel like I can't control myself at all luckily I was on my own at the time because if someone else was near me i dont know what would have happened also part of the reason I'm writing this is because in about an hour or so I'll have convinced myself im fine and dont need help have only been to the doctors once last year and found it hard to describe to them sorry if I sound like a fucking nutcase writing this as I'm still sort having an episode and am shaking alot would appreciate if anyone could give me some advice on what this is.,7.723061366806135,6.675880158995818,7.4829393305439345,76.88736576011158,63.309623430962354,9.975034867503489,37.48988842398885,8.841846274778883,3.2157361227336123,974,42,182,12,12,310,136,239,0.24600000000000002,0.669,0.085,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,1,8,15,4,2,11,0,32,4,2,4,3,40,51,21,0,7,8,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,9,0,1,2,7,9,0,2,11,6,22,6,20,36,7,34,0,2,0,1,6,8,2,7,26,128,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134465468529831,0.10291108254229447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284101210879768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117622065234993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231103475437585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021024953755106,0.09269229350477272,0.0,0.1275247447753658,0.0,0.0,0.09999232689042442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882800154464734,0.0,0.0,0.2721246064916564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698235282879517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501444121712326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740209201100933,0.08293818627707615,0.11146926511453448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729201419353472,0.0,0.10732782099652226,0.0,0.11136876180551668,0.0,0.0,0.09285165951938017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026622952188626,0.0,0.10399818505661043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781593288246272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866008962294546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540236336350252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276053902814815,0.09463280027932904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268723242584739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663288418377114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853316083270065,0.0,0.0,0.0860828625676656,0.0895395077590161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363722966352304,0.15733775408648848,0.17659073448845825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571941258524053,0.11082567372458514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872968918821086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623120089983195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119169698416048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836679231993957,0.0,0.0,0.12995868325992754,0.3286901383458442,0.0,0.09271349968009884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216634546890366,0.1353916849471456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100268678188906,0.12786207897179358,0.0,0.0,0.09215069064860078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649409054872458,0.0,0.0,0.14952255820038232
bpd,NancyNegativo,2019/01/27,"Processing what the fuck just happened?! TW for domestic violence and substance abuse. 


I'm trying to process this, long story short to catch you up, meet lovely guy at work (also has BPD), so so so happy without a single argument and great communicating v healthy! 6 months in, we get drunk and he assaulted me. He left and I swear on accident, I did not mean to but sliced my legs and ended up in hospital with 39 stitches. 
I've already made a vow that I will never hurt myself again, I'm devastated I hurt myself this badly. 

Now I'm in a drug induced stupor just trying to get myself through the next week before I go on holiday and can put this out of my head. I've accepted it's over and I think with time I will be okay. The biggest issue I'm having is this recurring thought of what if? What if my plane goes down (severe fear of flying so for me, this is an absolute possibility) and I didnt tell him I'm sorry for whatever I did to make him hurt me or that I love him? What if he kills himself and I didnt get closure? How do I reconcile with these feelings? I'm absolutely no contact once we've exchanged belongings (not directly to each other) and other things that tie us together. ",3.9705589455699264,4.972791962655601,5.655835977544545,79.76289480107398,71.28215767634855,8.990090309982916,29.11422992433488,9.325443323948027,2.501239492311448,937,36,187,20,17,321,148,241,0.15,0.71,0.14,0.384,0,0,1,0,2,4,27.0,2,1,0,1,10,14,3,1,7,1,13,7,2,4,1,37,33,21,1,3,10,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,17,16,1,0,7,2,1,3,7,8,0,0,6,1,28,6,28,24,2,27,0,3,0,3,16,14,1,4,10,124,45,1,0.0,0.15920981451227345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482837441809408,0.10745789264910073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219568885583403,0.0,0.0,0.11434136964738345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692378581888622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558298063645204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190144312786032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120677620634534,0.06794293337364106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422550341642916,0.2106127514528912,0.0,0.07636716812715984,0.0,0.0,0.1481465043506036,0.0,0.13305021420300578,0.1188254376827656,0.1430423616057822,0.0,0.0,0.13790527608423295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315466370477539,0.0,0.0,0.14025030906554106,0.0,0.0,0.14866361224904798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599645808161293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891571396128467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24255342595503604,0.12714680778367182,0.0896948983035643,0.0,0.0,0.1463713896937565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725509998076298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363659975341773,0.0,0.14290701456347835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431026639072594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148516049378746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350817944043501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518030347196757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504193665855183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174477641695202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927132835895946,0.08610067494976663,0.0,0.10667700655450817,0.07835386978322577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246064361140066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616339531227442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778576799408468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953059980993906,0.0,0.09782501064033113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,2sauced2pork,2019/01/27,DAE hate their birthday? I'm always so let down ,-1.032,0.625173800000006,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,111.0,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.358,38,1,8,0,2,12,10,10,0.316,0.684,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5051964523343939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5994337570896012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6208507996372296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nonreanon,2019/01/27,"How to deal with constantly losing to bf in boardgames? Ok, you're propably going to think I'm just childish and need to get over it, but I'm furious and don't know what to do.

I love boardgames and have been playing for years. Not much, but as a hobby, with people in a gaming club. So I know how to lose and take it. I've won, been the last and anything between, and have always been happy to just get to play.

At first playing with my bf was the same. We have four games (Carcassonne, Ticket to ride, Scrabble and Gemblo). Bf is wicked intelligent and I adore him for it. I loved playing with him at first. But the last 3 Carcassonnes, all 4 Ticket to rides (got it as an Xmas gift from him since he knows I love the game) and now even the last Scrabble (and I've always had the upper hand in Scrabble) I've lost with no possibility to win. I just quit half way with S last night and left. Didn't give him a hug or allow him to come with me to my place.

I'm furious at myself. I feel I'm an idiot and can't play anything anymore, with him or possibly with anyone else. Too many defeats. I don't know what to do, how to be reasonable, how to get over this. I don't want to see him or have him console me, as it would feel he's just pitying me for being so dumb. For the last 3 games we've played I've been constantly feeling worse and worse about losing, I've talked and been honest about the feeling, and it has helped none. ",2.7366818181818218,3.686913316666669,3.8095151515151535,92.03809090909093,74.16666666666666,6.787878787878787,23.303030303030305,6.980632752743323,0.5242666666666662,1105,29,255,10,22,358,143,300,0.16399999999999998,0.625,0.21100000000000002,0.9582,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,0,10,15,26,4,0,13,1,23,5,1,6,1,57,52,30,0,3,11,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,9,26,0,0,10,13,0,4,8,10,0,4,11,6,24,16,45,38,4,28,0,6,1,4,25,11,1,3,12,158,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372351830638566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352792209146283,0.07299268547390643,0.10696101998987807,0.1718099638868356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992369063465176,0.0,0.2256193904881261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762264198293517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720537023851622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894933809087693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111331103436916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775900354370059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362012605398926,0.10014145690401953,0.0593278687503731,0.0,0.08349110028236041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112626883008753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997115495279943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948247757138274,0.4254634036170854,0.0,0.0,0.11342123736554766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503608215438894,0.11395521899356305,0.0,0.2826511347661695,0.0,0.0,0.10583619222182178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673947109236025,0.07740467912401182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979639772328618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237164580494147,0.0,0.10906648269026313,0.0,0.0,0.23537056407381204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103278633849932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733143878935973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831861924378486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635339801645207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784891167930815,0.08390561322577497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688960279674926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157257642172385,0.08286079746830205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127669018851562,0.07415644347112957,0.0,0.0,0.06722444685319573
bpd,g_bay,2019/01/27,"A short excerpt from a book I am reading about trauma that really resonated with me in regards to who I’ve become today. “confusion about whether one was a victim or a willing participant [in trauma], which in turn leads to bewilderment about the difference between love and terror; pain and pleasure”

Excerpt From
The Body Keeps the Score
Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewBook?id=731076045
This material may be protected by copyright.

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bpd,zzrchll,2019/01/27,"will I ever be the person I want to be I'm in the midst of break up which on its own is never easy. It's even harder when it's your own irrational fear of being abandoned manifesting into every 1 worded text and every ""can't tonight I'm busy"" I really tanked this relationship. He doesn't see who I am and I tell him I don't know either. He wants to know what I want out of life, I tell him I don't know. I wish I didn't spend the last 5 years of my life fighting suicidal thoughts everyday. I wish I could explain that I didn't think I would make it to 19, let alone 23. How am I supposed to plan for a life that's already passed me by? I'm so far behind I can't dig myself out of this hole. I wish I didn't spend the past 3 years stuck with a substance abuse problem. I really wish I didn't wake up everyday and fight through my day to stay alive. I really wish I had more time to grow as a person and confront and correct my unhealthy personality traits. I'll never get back those years. I am learning to confront the world with bpd but I really hate this disease and I hate myself more for feeling like I deserve it. Sorry if this is a lot of rambling. ",1.3020181818181842,2.88057598,3.3794181818181848,91.0737090909091,79.19999999999997,6.3054545454545465,21.763636363636365,7.1686216300943375,0.5177199999999997,905,26,207,11,22,308,136,250,0.203,0.753,0.043,-0.9814,0,1,0,0,4,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,6,10,6,1,9,0,22,4,1,2,4,42,46,12,1,12,3,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,15,11,0,1,8,0,2,2,11,9,0,0,7,2,36,1,28,32,6,28,0,1,1,0,15,9,0,2,16,132,51,1,0.0,0.12129328698067855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602582501416348,0.11296930903792902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871723429347052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893310732244204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817351775228855,0.0,0.0,0.06602103932447956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761529843200431,0.09260072947602957,0.17250452268682184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115196207947379,0.051762020709865665,0.07313409909782755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053484795063302115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214099010347836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878181831260242,0.08344629782971613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046816214977084,0.2169236950332732,0.05001346119820956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703244451698676,0.0,0.0,0.06833365816024058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579101624369265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772501869862503,0.0,0.2681600919297802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979555379176286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623267832243046,0.0,0.0,0.10990849775724001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815766964969821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145963234402404,0.0,0.10911421757378996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197762023268222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895411043964854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559541513131456,0.0,0.08127140157718234,0.05969354617224855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811437895674207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5886098905563406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272165614335216,0.0,0.0,0.19777134176027733
bpd,goodnight_desdemona,2019/01/27,"Feeling Like a Failure So over the past one and a half to two weeks I've been pushing the envelope with my self harm. I keep trying to cut deeper, and I have been, but I always seem to ""get stuck"" at a certain point. Some of these might have aesthetically benefited from sutures, but I am unsure if any would be deemed worthy of sutures from a pure medical stand point. Anyway, I'm really confused and just feeling like shit because I feel as if I'm failing, like I can't even hurt myself right. There's just this giant part of me that wants to be able to cause massive damage and I'm angry at myself for not being able to do it. But obviously, from a rational standpoint this isn't a healthy way of thinking. I think it comes down to my need of constantly seeking validation; I feel like my self harm isn't even worthy of validation. So yeah, any advice or kind words would help my heart feel a bit better. :) ",5.372177822177825,5.542675318681322,6.228661338661343,79.87542957042959,67.79120879120879,8.815984015984018,29.732267732267733,8.575989854853784,2.095630769230769,716,24,143,10,11,237,112,182,0.18100000000000002,0.602,0.21600000000000005,0.7702,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,9,16,2,1,9,1,15,3,2,1,3,36,32,13,0,6,9,0,5,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,8,0,3,3,5,15,8,23,23,3,15,0,3,0,0,3,8,1,7,7,92,21,1,0.26401871981247715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289980186814594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098423624913263,0.0,0.0,0.17954178306016025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047168053226289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675155121022344,0.14412003089315334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356099762754613,0.0,0.11371437465167007,0.0,0.14265522087436272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438187441629147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337394940302752,0.2829225392812025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896944206560801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643172708917938,0.08848309130727114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131875006215086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173359845483686,0.0,0.13746743419473642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579724207994364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298554201650153,0.0,0.1400410695943563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788326768595017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894529587015544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295327256024376,0.1260178712009288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24958302861467724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456857624878486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273527207303947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017636333381818,0.2754291051076578,0.0,0.1355057109182783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917253504717433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962569005437085,0.0,0.12895396291818026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786254071727812,0.1047828853636457,0.10588994583494442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187551323487649,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MyCatNeedsShoes,2019/01/27,"DAE see memories from a third-person perspective? You are there too, but almost like a memory is in movie or picture format. With or without feeling. My mom & brother had a great relationship. I was always left out and unwanted. 
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bpd,panyanpickle1,2019/01/27,I shout real loud but how do i make people hear me!? How do I do it? How do I help people feel/see my pain ,-2.966666666666669,-1.5751679230769202,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,93.6153846153846,3.466666666666667,8.666666666666666,3.1291,-2.3186256410256414,78,0,23,0,3,29,17,26,0.185,0.687,0.128,-0.3720000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,4,0,6,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194313638748398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331340564325797,0.0,0.2575882049797632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565232497496902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089223200504818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5328504966625607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374175605971613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Moe90,2019/01/27,"I'm a FP but I also have ADHD and very mild aspergers, so I'm honest, impulsive, stubborn about my beliefs and views, unintentionally insensitive, attention deficit, All the bad qualities a FP should never have lol I'm also impatient but with her extremely patient, I let her rage at me for days, I knew her for 9 months and never saw anything strange but last month she opened up and I did some googling and found out she has BPD, she admitted but doesn't believe in therapy, she split me 2-4 times last time was a week ago and that one really hurt during which I did some googling and found out a FP was a thing, and I was her for 9 months and so many things made so much more since.

My aspergers is almost non-existent due to years of self therapy and training but my ADHD is the main issue, she aware I have it even though she sometimes deny it. Yeah I don't know how it all gonna works but how do I keep fear of abandonment at bay? She deny it, and she will never tell me when she has it.  Any tips? Also how do I convince her to try the 4 skills therapy, does she need a therapist to practice them?

She's one of the most amazing persons I ever met, is it possible to have a permanent FP? At the moment I'm avoiding advancing any relationship with her until She do therapy or I'm sure abandonment fears cease to exist, we do snuggle and hug when we sleep sometimes but nothing more. 

Will she give me subtle hints of these fears? Any experienced FPs here can share any hints? I heard it's like walking on egg shells, oh I'm so clumsy I will break all the shells and she knows it, but I'm very understanding and I let her ride all that emotional high speed roller coaster with 0 reaction. 

I don't understand why she reject a very effective therapy with high successful rate that can make her have a much better life experience, I wish something like that was available for ADHD I'd start practicing in a heart beat.

Also she need reaffirmation, and she need approval and she request it in a subtle way usually a question. did I tell you about my lack of attention to detail? Lol I'm gonna give you my honest opinion, if you reaffirm yourself oh I'm gonna make a point about why I think my opinion is right,  later when it's too late I will realize the purpose of your question 

I think we will be fine lol


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bpd,strawberryrhubarbjam,2019/01/27,"I just ordered 100 packs of oatmeal online.... Gotta love the erratic spending...this is why I..

1) Should not have internet access. 

&

2) Never have any money for anything actually necessary. ",3.4608823529411765,6.485921852941175,5.4250000000000025,71.30750000000003,80.47058823529412,8.105882352941178,32.029411764705884,8.841846274778883,3.758552941176472,149,8,22,4,4,51,32,34,0.0,0.877,0.12300000000000001,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.4165022317348181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624453920303929,0.0,0.29024351247930313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35122593583814266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852101359668483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291800025084494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851270866934824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hellswinterworld,2019/01/27,"How do I not freak out/love sucks! So I was talking to my friend of two years who is the only woman I have met who's mind I am attracted to who I've been completely honest with about my emotional problems and dont mask around who didn't leave or judge me. We have a sickeningly amount of stuff in common I am painfully introspective and not mirroring her it's things I have loved or views I have have for most my whole life. So we were on the phone for 2 hrs today when after we had a weird moment of synchronous thought. I said it's so freaky how much things we have in common she says back to me that's why we are perfect best buddies but not for each other I went silent felt Iike I got chopped to pieces redirected the conversation. I also have aspergers so I'm horrible at body language and picking up clues and I just shut down my feelings so I don't lose my friend so she might think I don't have romantic feelings. But how can anyone say ""we are so similar and get along perfecly thats why were great buddies but not for each other"" what the hell!!!!! Not logical! plus I'm very attractive (not just my ego.) As soon as I got off the phone I immediately got hit with the wall of death emotion. ""see no-one wants you will die alone duh dummy this is why you should never have romantic feelings for anyone even someone who could be the female you doesn't want you you are alone"" This is frustrating because I have had 5 people say duh she likes you dummy and does everything someone would do if they liked a guy. I'm trying to focus myself because I know this isn't logical and just BPD but I've never been able to do anything but just delay the breakdown and I don't want to cry for three hours How do you stop yours? How do I tell her I like her romantically? I would love to be her friend forever in a platonic fashion but if I saw her with another guy I would have the meltdown panic attack rage tears from hell I wouldn't do it but part of me would manipulate or hurt any guy who she likes and I'm normally really compassionate.  How do I tell her I like her?I'm sick of having nightmares where she finds out and hates me or is with someone else and the panic attacks. I'm gonna got listen to death grips get mad then put on Lana Del Rey and cry love you guys! ",2.954468967901807,4.3939995970149255,4.12238344954763,88.08390134270729,74.35181236673773,7.543617818244684,24.18953495072898,8.186683628785799,1.2219849132714802,1797,54,389,29,37,587,230,469,0.18899999999999997,0.655,0.156,-0.9675,0,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,6,9,1,3,25,36,9,3,14,2,54,7,1,8,3,89,88,44,3,14,23,0,5,5,3,9,3,5,0,5,20,28,0,2,10,0,0,2,16,18,0,2,18,13,65,18,43,57,9,31,2,2,3,3,57,14,3,8,20,263,85,0,0.07915897057960268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639696408480589,0.0,0.06330340017315991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053830814470894855,0.0830050826505047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069958553399886,0.0,0.06514108800560252,0.07046826649219265,0.0,0.18010951358866395,0.0,0.060868362184065314,0.0,0.09650914747664864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307245590290897,0.0,0.0,0.0879277712014273,0.0996979523538766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299667459027357,0.0,0.0,0.06320199678375317,0.0,0.17390482432558674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215451387193201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927254859709954,0.0,0.09277372397404426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612716246200898,0.17808637479179162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052283753501795566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114297855705863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007546195796168,0.0,0.07600502554069813,0.0,0.0723498650240896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347407292245324,0.0,0.08271458992363563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253242640328361,0.08727304451972723,0.0,0.3135193049177297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815309511505969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779556406605582,0.0,0.08474131521023576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043503700044623984,0.0,0.0,0.08381792019074745,0.0,0.0,0.05591232192925353,0.19336537275572388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855863999807846,0.0,0.0,0.21433218456193676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397515839656652,0.0799279945994779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819095152389884,0.0,0.12210455621346325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775589841271606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060203964165615735,0.08423072581909863,0.1857519924443125,0.0,0.08572145115233969,0.0,0.054878863155982664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574444419218793,0.0,0.07957662928688235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071126353457972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529830824306705,0.18885117184000208,0.0,0.0,0.06307945080547316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121341667458545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661804439086161,0.0,0.0,0.09061808269586263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362498206337203,0.1383768587188699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517940532391526,0.050721872048268335,0.0,0.06284338049738729,0.0,0.0,0.07503344829397843,0.0,0.0,0.05374374489225325,0.0,0.07732681200797943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531444092622211,0.14007003535817136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338115878708155,0.21428597567352803,0.08837816372231339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249290460717208,0.0,0.0,0.050975781724467324
bpd,Spacey1980,2019/01/27,"Jack of All Trades Master of None I'm 35 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I've been in the military,  had a home daycare, been a hairdresser,  a small cake business, real estate broker and now im in school for IT (which I hate)  I feel like I have to try all the things... I have the resume of a crazy person. Anyone else? ",0.11172932330826768,1.5893315263157888,2.462706766917293,96.74394736842106,82.42105263157895,5.395488721804512,16.1203007518797,6.1826913282559595,-0.6645541353383457,260,4,65,2,7,89,54,76,0.055999999999999994,0.905,0.039,-0.0315,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,7,0,7,0,0,0,2,8,12,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,7,1,9,8,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,42,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047594303610508,0.3000475647904984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446289216314196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806790270713374,0.20920382398686133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891173107743536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937408093558474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163157422443633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609363358817527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306605895955796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25569521087254704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333142296241737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963681124253503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338611385048134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945488324635554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881806307626354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272368583399256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_MAKEOUTHILL_17,2019/01/27,Anyone else experience feeling a great deal of hate towards someone and then suddenly you don’t? I hate going from hating someone or being a big asshole to them and then I just turn around and care about them and want to be there friend I hate it so much cause then I feel guilty and I feel like a terrible person. I hate it most when it happens to my Girlfriend she could hang out with her friends and tell me we can’t see each other today and me being me I get extremely sensitive and I start thinking that she doesn’t love me anymore and she’s gonna leave me and unfortunately I end up being bitter towards her and after apologizing I care about her. It’s a loop I hate so much and that’s why I tell her all the time that if she wants to leave me I’ll understand completely and that if I’m ever acting mean towards her just know that it’s not her fault. ,1.8326947091685848,3.857488312849167,3.348872822872168,89.80686493591853,79.27932960893855,6.222937890239892,22.26125534012488,7.285733465282438,0.7128919487348013,684,21,146,9,17,225,101,179,0.188,0.6659999999999999,0.146,-0.7929999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,2,0,10,16,7,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,2,38,34,22,0,5,6,0,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,11,18,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,0,5,33,7,16,28,5,21,0,0,1,1,23,7,0,4,12,105,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046256662232616,0.07788197830321156,0.11412562483564205,0.0,0.09915498735673768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22712593527279196,0.11442160306192435,0.0,0.0,0.11678354852906188,0.0,0.0,0.08893071312755982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483156447019105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304667596135467,0.0,0.09865277801692786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007528111886682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895449920224004,0.0,0.0,0.16895663118966078,0.07957244094674384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721093317271692,0.0,0.05819331541953358,0.0,0.06330184670961465,0.0,0.0,0.12280077340764875,0.0,0.0,0.09849611850046013,0.0,0.0,0.6598092625606635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061213494280775514,0.0,0.0,0.2358782252065872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054416383558829017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052801593435616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121329355275283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375947216660955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972558325167076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875828026477157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874986599899746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883786045165429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470829012453109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137009085094104,0.0,0.0,0.06494865235625871,0.0,0.10557859568953848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115333390376674,0.0,0.11595421910647315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139382473230968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050634262439688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toysoldier95,2018/11/27,"What's it like with BPD? What helps you guys feel better? I just found out a close friend from high school has moved in town and she has BPD. At first I had no idea what it was but after looking into it started to sound really hard to live with. I'm worried about her and I don't know anyone else with this, and I sure as hell don't want to try to help her using info from psych articles or whatever. What kinds of support makes you guys feel better? What's it like to live with it? Based off what I know, I know it can be really hard to process intense emotions so I want to be very patient and calm, and I also want to be there consistently for her so she doesn't get upset and feel like I'm ignoring her. Thank you so much. ",0.9661505376344124,2.8447851419354886,2.4477419354838723,95.91827956989248,81.45161290322581,5.681720430107527,18.075268817204304,6.742157984588678,-0.19997634408602186,567,12,133,6,15,184,90,155,0.126,0.6509999999999999,0.223,0.9542,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,3,7,14,1,1,1,0,11,0,0,2,1,32,30,13,0,3,3,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,13,13,0,1,9,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,7,17,11,24,24,1,12,1,0,1,0,14,8,1,1,6,83,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815399596810704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456524053025124,0.13857271474577673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392233677805303,0.0,0.0,0.34066833400463953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297839993957905,0.15213047805110333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514918618820416,0.09661782072885214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503785829937582,0.0,0.14828726741718914,0.1044886166663374,0.0,0.0706590277981427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678242049182432,0.0,0.0,0.2423028149267073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130142918652747,0.14289194251865575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267319251927358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083505626833004,0.22297849655881144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982190942810788,0.0,0.2388445743628448,0.0,0.11357028681392198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027593441796987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374219516964665,0.0994193664049738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328060662946765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687341182568025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572588420232313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347246266080192,0.12746518357118453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451383459474608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182130426624734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680676427635298,0.0,0.11158986343973468,0.23930995804240185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734610784955853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spoonriver1993,2018/11/27,"Dancing in the rain Mood swings are insane lately, but I can't figure out why they change. It's wild.

I was so, so happy and feeling great last night -- like I was back to my old crazy, deep feeling, contented with my isolation self. It was so good I thought my bipolar diagnosis might be right after all. I thought I was on the upswing (wrong). 

It was nighttime and it was raining -- hard -- and I was just walking with my umbrella to the library listening to music when I realized how good the music sounded and how great the rain felt on my skin. So I left my bag inside library and returned with my headphones blasting music as loud as they go and the rain pouring down. It looked gorgeous in the lamp light -- the streams of white rain and the drum of it -- my god! And the music went on and on and I didn't use my umbrella. It was the perfect  temperature outside. I wasn't cold but I was soaked and my hair was sticking to my face and I started signing and dancing along to the music and I'm sure some people noticed but not many (it's a very serene, isolated, safe campus). And I was so happy that I was me because it felt like no one else in the world could get that kind of enjoyment out of rain, and music, and being outside alone at night. It was hard not scream with joy. I felt in love -- not just with a person but with the world and myself and things for the first time in a long time looked beautiful and felt real and strong. I already miss it. 

I kept imagining how insane I looked to anyone who happened to see me, though I was trying to be discreet. I thought someone might call the police or health services. But I felt like THEY were crazy ones. Missing but out on this simple easy euphoric pleasure. Why was I the weird one? 

I'm usually grateful for support and validation but sometimes, like last night, it seemed so sad and unfair to me sometimes that most people -- including my own family -- think my behavior is CRAZY and SICK and UNHEALTHY. I am just tuned into my desires to seek beautiful experiences and move about and sing and flap my limbs around in the rain when I feel like it. Why the fuck is it taboo to shout into the air out of joy or sing in public but normal to go to war?",4.628367973547473,5.343471002283106,5.090755786490316,85.46527397260273,69.57077625570776,7.776539127696428,29.03038891513148,7.753152298057669,1.6829906156510792,1721,61,350,19,29,549,204,438,0.136,0.627,0.237,0.9969,0,2,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,3,3,18,32,2,0,23,0,29,8,3,4,3,93,62,52,1,3,16,0,12,5,0,2,3,5,0,2,20,42,0,3,16,5,0,7,7,8,0,4,28,24,47,23,52,28,4,52,0,3,5,2,10,27,1,7,23,237,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937281318816978,0.09522571459637047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033759253705789,0.0,0.0,0.07681845473744542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635346317050528,0.0,0.05260299384550463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811410093351353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128582655000066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889739127876547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208615578852559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441044155747736,0.08134871407881225,0.0,0.1308959606735534,0.0616472465598084,0.4142707707279399,0.0,0.0,0.07340019843954282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797758540510592,0.04508417262456101,0.0,0.09808382161885908,0.1447557982048622,0.0,0.1902751622527992,0.0,0.0,0.07630800852830243,0.1837195462887943,0.15460192810436418,0.0,0.0,0.09172469486338722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986016629792991,0.0,0.1406795068311582,0.09734148913041872,0.0,0.09375685194727887,0.0,0.0,0.21079032980711326,0.0,0.0,0.07636598267226923,0.21739143214793924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788218270973121,0.0,0.0,0.0874868625601789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183085017568047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171507367713927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24293847403514465,0.0845481463960041,0.0,0.09824437174326324,0.0905492679015251,0.0,0.17542171624538802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196484510047479,0.07534712037487455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821954543634204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369316489733094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876380217328062,0.07855728200294612,0.09002170344287917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311519785574166,0.0,0.1706906106127242,0.0,0.06107814418768034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792349562865002,0.08132948497623815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057328779246200015,0.055292630656241404,0.0847817606448042,0.20551937576702528,0.1006354847958803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858681701619235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452885340279089,0.0950387928871614,0.07120019653879853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999383985827521,0.2335961751658813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943470992648586,0.0,0.0
bpd,spookychese,2018/11/27,"The Call of the Void Does anyone else here feel it? 

The call of the void is that feeling you have when you’re driving down the highway at 80mph and you know one flick of the steering wheel will kill you. So you grip the steering wheel tighter and you may or may not split in that moment. 

Or when you’re looking at a gun, and you have a strong urge to put it in your mouth and fire. So you hug your arms against your body so that you don’t find them moving without your permission. 

Let’s get one thing clear... I don’t want to die, but I have strong urges to die almost every day. I’m afraid to talk about this with people. I just casually mentioned the void to my boyfriend and he said he’s never felt it before, and is now worried I’m depressed and suicidal. Which is why I can’t bring myself to bring it up with my shrink. I don’t want her committing me. (Have I mentioned I suffer massive trust issues?) I’ve  been depressed before, and I’m sure I’m not now. Yet death is always calling... tempting me.

Is it possible to be suicidal and not depressed? 
",2.4284913353720725,3.9809674862385336,3.2067278287461782,93.64313965341488,75.97247706422019,5.945361875637107,23.579001019368,6.42735559955562,0.424931906218144,824,25,183,6,18,260,119,218,0.19399999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9803,0,0,0,1,0,1,26.0,0,12,1,2,11,12,1,1,10,0,19,4,3,0,4,33,34,17,6,2,8,0,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,11,11,0,0,5,1,0,5,9,6,0,2,3,7,26,6,21,26,0,19,0,4,1,1,23,6,0,5,8,115,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393418894215306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112931110340764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352312373498918,0.13704563193403854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22762769934529956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856929745752862,0.0,0.0,0.40972993541336944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625954261987545,0.0,0.3456034791409793,0.0,0.2776287455519991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704804679498718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173336860017047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269257027060957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525895009223202,0.0,0.12842374023054665,0.0,0.1222477093517131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988035945031802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960325682431982,0.0,0.0,0.1479777447872598,0.0,0.0735070850098828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367713820244442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231873283205844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421581442548054,0.0,0.0,0.10315846680248314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126882633073152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272740606235047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078627566948766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344585873797105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722961815767386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29260788390381565,0.0,0.12606050667441074,0.0,0.0,0.10750549862396146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885947034968787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778182830194687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069117043762972,0.0,0.0,0.12893300351605438,0.0,0.0,0.1358325423475693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BigFig32,2018/11/27,"Those with BPD, how do drugs affect you? For those who suffer from BPD, how do drugs affect you? For example, weed, kratom, LSD, benzos, etc. do they have different effects on people with BPD? Are you able to enjoy them just as much as someone that doesn’t have BPD?",2.6023529411764703,4.933177470588237,2.9644705882352973,91.97611764705884,78.21568627450979,5.648627450980393,18.04313725490196,6.742157984588678,-0.022305098039216098,205,4,41,2,5,63,36,51,0.08,0.862,0.057,-0.3094,1,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,5,0,8,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,9,7,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,30,9,0,0.16705268657814926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8415880431546159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453450212227264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874561614255594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186307903918056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228029459634105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581329897844575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415431992312079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xbbn1985,2018/11/27,"Husband asks me why I get so bipolar when we fight. Thing is, he knows I am diagnosed with BPD. My marriage is imploding before my very eyes. My husband knew about my disorder when we met and dated. I guess he never really took it seriously as my symptoms weren’t as severe then. After too many problems since getting married (I got diagnosed with lymphoma, had chemo , got pregnant on remission then subsequently developed cardiomyopathy due to my heart being weak because of chemo, being a new mom..plus so many other things) my symptoms have gone haywire. My husband told me about 2 months ago that he is exhausted of me and he wants to separate. I begged for him to allow me to control me. I began behavioral therapy and been doing very well but I am in constant extreme fear that he never love me like he did before. It is a never ending rapid cycle of feeling hope and despair. My baby is the only reason I have not pulled the trigger.",4.666805778491169,6.5146281685393275,5.8090208667736745,76.0603370786517,70.68539325842697,8.231781701444623,31.253611556982346,8.841846274778883,2.8809409309791336,746,33,125,14,14,248,116,178,0.14400000000000002,0.809,0.047,-0.9451,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,2,0,0,1,8,11,1,1,4,0,16,10,2,4,3,24,33,13,0,3,2,3,1,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,5,7,1,0,12,2,26,4,17,19,0,21,0,1,1,1,18,2,0,2,17,87,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175615775208182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398385346100893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084526160579371,0.0,0.2257034466649597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703301708392634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331748230852845,0.14874707336522972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692174807862551,0.0,0.0,0.1519965299967506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746390403267938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492368451336386,0.06705776870720488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385792504821427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121401757490608,0.0,0.14609830424803366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571579444634621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317237680830454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288569224546504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479250746555729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196967125880902,0.0,0.0,0.2689161879843165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532551668793684,0.10585777401787066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068592474943986,0.12808734629487087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086515858722518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690153350250113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496117671758367,0.136357708852622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982533555480898,0.0,0.10970645356083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27569048995908674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166504278981435,0.0,0.17621659213208138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672619462257545,0.147348142983933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21885440712629747,0.07822400914140698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924328426076075,0.0,0.1196709066082455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oxyc0d0ne,2018/11/27,"My identity. This sounds silly because it’s mainly a tumblr thing that is frequently mocked on the internet. I’ve been fictionkin for about 4 years now (I’m 18) and recently I realized I was Amelia Shepherd from Grey’s Anatomy. I literally believe that I am her. Now you may be wondering how this relates to BPD? Being fictionkin has helped me form somewhat of a stable identity and it makes me feel at peace with myself. To many this may seem like a silly delusion but it has helped me a lot. There’s no physical evidence that supports that I am her, but it makes me feel comfortable in knowing who I am. I’m not separating myself from my birth name and personality, I’m generally the same gal. I’m just trying to alleviate my symptoms in a way that isn’t harmful. It makes me happy. 

(Fictionkin: Identifying with or as a fictional character.) ",2.636851851851852,5.338508858024691,4.600246913580246,78.11111111111114,80.79012345679013,8.044444444444443,28.753086419753085,8.841846274778883,2.9195530864197528,673,32,120,18,18,229,101,162,0.028999999999999998,0.84,0.131,0.9308,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,6,8,1,0,8,0,13,1,0,4,0,27,26,8,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,15,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,4,19,6,15,20,5,11,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,7,7,88,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134901526776674,0.0,0.0,0.24276183423429076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27137796174322115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178970470450876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293727003575887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28885110474108644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184171306196288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526816146415292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831855904898275,0.0,0.0,0.4314853474431771,0.21845359752519072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814081368768748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127514455399808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961565469734386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24451373927835526,0.0,0.22395668995039225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431492420870084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629054660559662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171030711902583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336689188328741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387561471027081
bpd,jessprod89,2018/11/27,"Undiagnosed Docu-Series Hello, I am a producer working on a new docu-series that is focusing on mental health conditions and we are currently casting individuals & families for the series. Please email Jessica at [FightStigmaNow@gmail.com](mailto:FightStigmaNow@gmail.com). We are working with mental health advocates and are looking to help those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental health conditions. Los Angeles locals only. There is no pay but there is help for those who are selected by the network. Thank you for your time.",9.987508710801393,13.582400085365856,9.12491289198606,50.5059756097561,60.34146341463415,12.002787456445994,36.10452961672475,11.491704259439757,5.673140766550523,445,20,53,15,7,140,56,82,0.033,0.8440000000000001,0.122,0.8176,1,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,0,9,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,10,10,0,7,1,0,1,0,9,4,0,1,3,38,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981565921758636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240837254248334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5831968781226752,0.0,0.0,0.2451688749220556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357793685177135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5529173465275478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663215995520826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909282486399385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007535918553185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683765918271828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066421291974704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662859524950605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PM_me_Sanic_Fanfics,2018/11/27,"Stop me if this sounds familiar You've just ended a relationship.

From the outside looking in, it was a great relationship. You were a happy couple. Healthy together. You were always by each other's side. Perhaps you'd move in. Gotten engaged. Gotten married. Whatever the case, you were inseparable. Your friends didn't you know you as x anymore. They knew you as 'x and y'.

But it was a bad relationship. You knew that. You knew that the whole time. It was built on poor foundations. You never truly believed you loved them. You never truly believed *they* loved *you*. They didn't show you love in the way *you* expected. Plus you always questioned whether you wouldn't be happier single, or with someone else. Or whether they would be better off without you…

Your partner told you were wrong, they asked you to work on these things – but you didn't, because you couldn't see them at the time. So it ended. Perhaps accompanied by a fit of rage. Or perhaps you just left without a word. Either way, it was over an instant. Easy for you; but in your wake, a trail of destruction and a deeply wounded person in the wake of it.

But fuck it. It's day one of your single life. You feel elated. It's finally over, you've finally made the right decision. You feel independent, strong. It's time to get back into flirting and meeting people, to enjoy the freedom of all that time and space, to find new people to share it with. You're feeling an entirely new type of horniness all of a sudden. So almost instantly, you start dating. You find it easy at first, because you just *love* the company of people. Within weeks, you're sleeping with other people and going on dates several nights a week. Perhaps you've found a new partner.

But then you start to remember the relationship. The good times. The happy times. The feeling of completeness you had with that person. Suddenly the reality sets in. Life is never going to be the same again. You have destroyed someone else's life, and your own. Was it the right choice? How could it have been, they were perfect and you were not. Suddenly you're unsure of everything. Scared. Alone. Lonely. You slip into a panic, you start to question your sanity, you torture yourself.

You enter a familiar cycle. You surround yourself with people as much as possible. Drinking, drugs, partying. Other old habits start to reappear. Sex, thrill-seeking, workaholism… whatever you do, you take it to the extreme.

You carry on dating but find it harder than it was before. It's not the same without that person. You consider begging for them to come back, but they are avoiding you. You know you could have manipulated them to come back… if only you could reach them.

But perhaps it's better this way after all, because you've found someone. They're great! They're different, but they're great! And they want to be with you. Like, all the time. Great! And they're attracted to you and you can have as much sex as you want. Great! And yeah it still hurts a little inside, but dammit this new person is infectious and thank god for mobile phones so we can stay in touch *all the time*.

But hey, whoa, calm down. You don't know if you're ready for this. You ended your last relationship because you wanted to be single and independent, right? The freedom and the lack of judgement and the promiscuity, and… wait, what was it again? Aww, screw it. This new person is great. Let's just go for it. It must be love. It *must* be!

Now the doubt starts to creep in again. *Is this actually the right person? Are they actually in love with me? Or are they just using me? Are they going to leave as soon as they see who I really am?* All the excitement has gone and been replaced with dread. It's not too soon to end it, right? *No, give it a chance.* But what if it doesn't work? *They're perfect for you.* But am I perfect for them? *If you're not, you can just change yourself.* Yeah, I could be something different. *And you can copy their likes and interests to make yourself unquestionably perfect for them!* Then that's what I'll do – I'll… pretend!

Uh oh. The cycle has begun.

And as usual, it's not long before they figure out something is up with you. You switch between compulsive closeness and isolation almost daily. Come here. Now leave me alone. Now come back. Why are you still here, go away. They confront you about it and you lose your temper – now they know you can get angry too. You try to explain, but you know the words that are coming out don't make sense to anyone but you.

But they get over it, and so do you. Perhaps they *do* love you. Or perhaps you're just very good at getting people to forgive you – and you are. You shower them with treats and love, you take them on exciting adventures and talk to them and listen to them. You develop a genuine and strong interest in them. It's not long before you get them back to 100% loving you again. It feels euphoric, all that admiration and attention. *But they only love you because of what you do, not because of who you are.*

*Ah ha!* There it is. The self-consciousness, the low self-esteem, the self-loathing. That's right. They only love the *idea* of you. The only love your body, and the essence of your being, that takes them on adventures and gives them expensive treats. They don't love *you*, though. They don't love *you*.

And you know why. It's because you're not good enough for them. They're too pure, too lovely. They shouldn't be anywhere near you, monster. You are going to hurt them like you hurt the others. Because that's what you do, psycho. You'll lie and cheat and fuck them over. And besides, look at you. You're fat, you're weird, you're poor and dumb. You think you deserve them? Get real.

So what do you do? You push them away. *Leave me, it's for your own good, just go*. But they don't understand. *Why are you saying this? I would never leave you, I don't want to leave you, I love you.* You come around. It's hard, but they stay by your side after all. Perhaps it's not so bad.

You put it behind you and now it's sweet, sweet euphoria! We're back and stronger than ever, baby, traveling the world, eating at fancy restaurants, making friends, having experiences, building lives together! Relationships are the *best*. Even when…

… even when you *are* the one making all the effort, right? I mean… this other person has become a bit of a passenger, haven't they? This is *your* life, after all, why are they here, like, *all* the time? *Like, I can go shopping without your help, thanks. I can go out with friends on my own, thanks. I can watch whatever I want on TV in my own house, thanks*. Do they really think I find this attractive, this neediness, this clinginess? *Leave me alone!*

You lash out. You tell them everything you think about them, on your worst days, on your loneliest nights, when you're at your at your most stressed with work and life and you focus your anger onto *them*. You say horrible things. You say unnecessary things. You try to break them down. You *want* them to dump you.

But something happens: they fight back. They tell you what a fool you are. They tell you're wrong – and you *hate* being told you're wrong. The argument escalates. As it reaches it peak, you have a moment of clarity: *this person is not right for you.* No one who *loved* you would ever question you like this.

You lie awake at nights, mulling this idea over. You start to avoid them again. You start to blame them when things don't go well for you. You feel sad now. Sad that you can't be the perfect partner. Sad that you can't be good enough for them. You start to consider life outside the relationship. Freedom, independence. Sex. Love. Admiration. No more spending all your time making someone happy. Just you. The only person you can trust. The only person who could never abandon you. The  only person you'll ever need. Just *you*.

Perhaps you talk. Perhaps you work things out. Perhaps they love you after all, and perhaps you apologise, and perhaps everything goes back to normal, the relationship continues. The agony and the pain and the self-loathing are still there. But you've found a rhythm. It's safe. It's comfortable. But then again, perhaps the cycle repeats.

\---

I am a 29 year old man who has ended five relationships in his adult life. I noticed that, while there was no pattern to the lengths of these relationships or the way they ended, there were definitely patterns to the thoughts and feelings I would experience while in those relationships. Coming out of my last relationship helped me realise it, and writing is now helping me to rationalise it. (Thank god you can post stuff anonymously online, if people I know IRL knew I wrote stuff like this they'd think I was mad, right!) 

Anyway, I thought I'd take you through one of my journeys. Perhaps it will help you to recognise the thoughts you're having right now. Perhaps it will help you remember that everything – all the anxiety, all the questioning, all of the doubt and self-loathing and, yes, unfortunately, even the fleeting moments of euphoria – are all part of the disease.

But this *can* change. You *can* learn to change your feelings, to control your emotions and to think with more clarity and rationality. You can learn to love. And you can learn to be loved. Because you *deserve* love. You *deserve* happiness. And you *deserve* control. I'm on that journey now. I hope you are too. Best of luck to you.",1.2354141259320601,3.886931409577464,2.019149440762224,92.20935050745649,93.77746478873242,4.886350455675228,20.103200082850037,6.610237444056435,0.4639846313173157,7312,241,1419,101,272,2266,514,1775,0.147,0.68,0.17300000000000001,0.9969,3,8,5,1,1,0,393.0,1,165,62,20,72,133,16,8,84,5,131,45,5,14,34,288,260,116,0,31,62,0,10,7,6,12,11,5,1,16,109,85,3,8,51,6,5,25,40,43,3,6,39,22,261,90,178,186,42,216,0,10,5,28,319,75,4,23,114,987,370,8,0.0,0.0,0.04639128313316575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760352022668907,0.07385422261289698,0.0,0.0,0.03955632168340542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018183632509935425,0.0,0.023572995927022444,0.016620214552927032,0.0,0.0,0.021159929418405526,0.02222131060030641,0.0,0.04466452924904561,0.14621846816923909,0.03969314493442196,0.1304072148671604,0.026251588686968298,0.060678381723460136,0.053560262267668524,0.04988933007778504,0.04204445181223102,0.02595018066678086,0.026402599711262173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543506257581319,0.14332747390027947,0.024921909729213137,0.0,0.0533191189960041,0.09489021495900417,0.02630054313957897,0.0,0.030658772896468605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049668218974989936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02328509936295413,0.02756511926709467,0.024322172783282428,0.03971280010103757,0.026737532428100255,0.12631653991891564,0.04912057620546021,0.0,0.04709866960966943,0.06450272740557084,0.0,0.0,0.0854501170423588,0.046502340918920235,0.0,0.0,0.09614874614781513,0.0,0.0,0.05207673693032047,0.08689971322115703,0.020218357992049026,0.0,0.07818621893588497,0.055092861317606386,0.043949112144547914,0.07451161941880886,0.04560381601475627,0.1350877695754307,0.09968380916372288,0.0,0.15723600600035115,0.0,0.0,0.021019325109268155,0.10121246634130487,0.021292838405945654,0.02346749904296021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966110578623374,0.0,0.0,0.02360851580513749,0.0,0.027426857001098818,0.07633735032506188,0.05366583327917263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144182023265776,0.03875069402707432,0.0,0.15101106045487264,0.025825674006031057,0.0243059643771946,0.11752389993037154,0.08128817381791781,0.023823322867869604,0.02098893868642533,0.042070588606222516,0.03992085301323831,0.026592034472097282,0.0,0.0,0.4719646194899459,0.022491312815911046,0.07933176030534454,0.0,0.0,0.025891996584790897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025263258578229846,0.03494669269810908,0.017624812213566838,0.09166267029673808,0.11478384590145205,0.0,0.06691830734123085,0.0232891017700255,0.0,0.02706177804471905,0.049884266072084765,0.0,0.06442741998034643,0.1265446401772419,0.02529246570001352,0.02788843294368053,0.0,0.025740094745026355,0.0,0.11535163984062373,0.2283010937811552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02679658412998555,0.02276464814878164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023894952194568442,0.10650929575485013,0.0,0.0,0.02705493954602797,0.030454751068092593,0.0,0.0,0.3062350765703715,0.05385250888063778,0.20299056693812084,0.0,0.056707475089661126,0.023797455476188768,0.0,0.037882490750456486,0.0,0.12398406720666758,0.02685281368678836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023786705384240645,0.0,0.08055941407975775,0.05489685789996645,0.0,0.0,0.13459361810239825,0.05067033252732064,0.056947154385341536,0.019872399190353482,0.02722792696753354,0.0,0.05442087138863078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148694161346343,0.03821011064199882,0.062326875118100825,0.10941899127884816,0.0,0.0,0.07895712863784196,0.07615280508068582,0.02335345168480365,0.05661107737988892,0.138602095196133,0.0,0.0,0.045425626858560685,0.0,0.03227591383213225,0.0,0.0,0.024744928696645917,0.0,0.02052925020462591,0.02617878941168704,0.019612359275995497,0.08411934078556754,0.07546861568435509,0.038132981351490784,0.0,0.02137167044410584,0.0,0.08579324843773717,0.02653784177732865,0.0,0.09165195069669864,0.0,0.06921803083802043,0.0,0.0,0.06754079496980687,0.07796477948296583,0.0,0.015306803998893325
bpd,WarcraftMD,2018/11/27,"Do you guys float away in time? Random ramble Im so distant that the days go so fast. Suddenly my routine breaks and I snap out of it by someone asking me what i did at work yesterday or something that should be easy to remember but I struggle like fuck. I can remember facts really well but I cant remember shit about what I have done or my own experiences. Im Just not mentally present most of the time it feels like. Seems like august was last week. Is this shit common? My theraphist cant decide whats wrong with me, but im still there. Maybe bipolar, maybe bpd, def social anxiety, maybe childhood ptsd. Lots of stuff.",1.6866359447004626,4.1884280322580665,2.899769585253459,90.04822580645161,83.19354838709677,6.4460829493087575,22.566820276497694,7.7094869923839395,1.1513981566820275,492,17,100,9,14,158,90,124,0.071,0.737,0.192,0.9477,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,7,9,3,1,2,0,11,4,2,0,1,21,16,8,0,1,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,3,1,12,4,11,11,3,19,0,0,0,1,4,4,3,6,16,61,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738637064684562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901102759295724,0.0,0.1196052658300748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603335470724149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209983949140974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027506611236153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245266644660106,0.0,0.0,0.06436817165426376,0.09094521774749154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176894804316502,0.0,0.0,0.07234917220495063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260498862973464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125269343620562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376885502061238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865813009971979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822837384112877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383678623493464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829138201587625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488102785701507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155349801130618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43262811107022536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589177969980753,0.0,0.0,0.2613491965002362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976927570423802,0.10786333471017588,0.09800399247092524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016642609999914,0.0,0.0,0.13308463230948472,0.14573136443121876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846269036535786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211470820630664,0.0,0.11446059625736014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926780279318924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918573764948752,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashleythewriter,2018/11/27,"Dealing with jealousy and insecurity. Hello!   


My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 10 months and have been friends for about 3 years, becoming increasingly better friends. He is basically everything I ever wanted in a partner and the first 6 to 8 months were amazing, completely honeymoon period kind of stuff.   


Things are settling now and getting comfortable and so this is when I start to get anxious and look for signs that he's getting bored or going to leave me. I also look for signs of his interest in other women-- looking where his eyes go, seeing if he looks at particular women more than others. I'm so intensely and sensitively tuned in to him that it's so easy for me to find signs of what I'm looking for and so easy to twist everything negatively.   


I am not in therapy right now, though I plan to go back as soon as I get insurance lined up again, which should be within a month or so. I was also on medication that I let lapse, which I will most likely resume again once that aforementioned insurance kicks in (and after talking to my therapist about it). All things considering I'm doing pretty well, but these jealous and insecure feelings can be so bad and I'm just afraid I'll push away my amazing boyfriend through them.   


Any advice? ",8.51134588563459,7.659955640167367,8.421014644351466,70.16184274755929,61.63598326359832,11.983403068340307,37.908298465829844,11.20814326018867,4.241552022315203,1014,43,182,24,12,329,149,239,0.08800000000000001,0.804,0.10800000000000001,0.4303,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,24,16,1,3,3,0,17,2,1,0,2,30,37,28,0,3,7,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,3,16,13,0,0,2,0,0,5,2,6,1,1,4,8,19,10,36,28,4,34,0,0,7,0,15,13,0,4,17,134,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856309467367525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940564611899558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250913324260918,0.0,0.0,0.13706931612641665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399432012383715,0.09329592827208344,0.10130618516421612,0.0,0.13400038262378014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730726999472674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721307953021802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508677058987047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975069300491004,0.0,0.0,0.2180886748505055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06134851935170565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108941915895586,0.1032039523118102,0.0,0.0,0.1874798152708344,0.0,0.2535614290141198,0.0,0.2068653409142448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634740115834284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847184299758188,0.0,0.12406900646744007,0.0,0.05927612079447549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5094367470698211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222805876784115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905353618110797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921338703049082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343708564492033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361587621639508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668497239984034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587859452765928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388947860594838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752113495261618,0.0,0.0,0.13875239203371373,0.14087445925663294,0.16121364043156858,0.0,0.11920693633689003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715640742466875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909099829989173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813308432708761
bpd,papa_n_r_97,2018/11/27,"inability to cry? I don't really know how to explain it but has anyone else lost the ability to cry? as a child I grew up in a very volatile environment and I cried a lot a lot a lot. but probably mid high school (7 years ago) I don't cry. I still feel like crying sometimes, I still have very intense emotions, but I just can't cry, even if I try to force myself. ",3.2776923076923086,3.4097329230769264,5.168358974358976,85.7933076923077,72.33333333333333,8.804102564102564,27.138461538461538,8.841846274778883,1.7033199999999995,280,9,66,5,5,97,52,78,0.315,0.591,0.094,-0.9644,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,9,7,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,7,8,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,4,5,41,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074915617564463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478930082016059,0.1242473823379884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7992045350137655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129894964517072,0.1364035748765791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009249325164533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131377647568195,0.08662968994137263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281200981571617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664249540014351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924255155861305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237193946955894,0.30927817979658045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074108579518026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776836256082159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272374949288878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993134729008588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368018740690646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232902645279883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010791378774206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808883602100278
bpd,funk_you_742,2018/11/27,"Rage control How do you control your rage? I become angry so fast, that I usually don’t realize it until it’s too late. 
I get angry and break things, throw things, say things I don’t mean etc. I get extremely embarrassed afterwards.
I start DBT group therapy in a couple of months, so I know that will help me with controlling my emotions. But Im hoping I can find some tips / tricks to deal with it and help myself in the mean time. ",3.1370443349753714,4.729753804597703,4.3123152709359625,86.28206896551725,74.17241379310343,8.189819376026273,23.922824302134647,8.841846274778883,1.6197238095238098,339,10,70,7,7,111,61,87,0.198,0.7120000000000001,0.09,-0.8718,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,3,4,5,3,1,2,0,5,0,0,4,0,16,12,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,13,1,7,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,8,44,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883268246193992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448356587250782,0.0,0.17916617298638834,0.0,0.0,0.16693685709758602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214305821818355,0.0,0.0,0.18058841225961209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799588899001925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919754119952315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706890817938934,0.0,0.0,0.16082737927680918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490604488123598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898936798728714,0.0,0.18265767850195003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527660941794441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924644215034542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287687132240999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461086248209805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517456427767134,0.0,0.3227259564859901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944193693354417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833675477409314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BecometheOcean,2018/11/27,"Never be enough Nothing will ever be enough. I have this abysmal void that can never be filled. Every time I let someone in, it just gets deeper. People just make me feel worthless without even meaning to. I can't have normal relationships and I guess it's time to just accept the truth and stop trying. I don't know how to accept love and it's not fair for the people that try to show it to me. The only rational thing to do is isolate myself and never let anyone get close to me again. 

I don't know why I'm even posting this, I'll probably just end up removing it in a few hours. I guess this is some sort of goodbye to the world. I hope you all are having a better day than I am. ",2.036249999999999,3.53803679166667,3.6761111111111116,90.08,76.91666666666666,5.911111111111111,21.027777777777786,6.42735559955562,0.2283444444444447,534,13,115,4,12,178,88,144,0.062,0.815,0.12300000000000001,0.8637,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,6,0,18,1,0,2,6,32,30,5,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,6,1,0,2,8,1,0,0,0,1,14,6,15,24,5,19,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,5,11,86,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333802481913718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070801796942424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953121581075378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089784627067869,0.30541262309734823,0.0,0.19522746326260895,0.13368428396461393,0.12451923287502195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472693481265871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442808218659906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256141284823211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678856187116046,0.14554312720345916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244275579712752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022500512330934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338601345228973,0.0,0.09865080127904564,0.0,0.0,0.1609863565344242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419536830146825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480256972991154,0.14180824463670694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240075946347776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491759912207536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154172125193326,0.0,0.15934233963597969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867087556914344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252217699277992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355884301065707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818493850174956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235477565889748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006790690952796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335725613138855,0.0,0.0,0.14246403868098373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexx928,2018/11/27,"Depersonalization For starters, I technically have depression and anxiety with traits of BPD, but I feel my mood and symptoms align much more with borderline. I recently started college and have been slowly relapsing throughout the semester. I used to not get a lot of depersonalization, but now I feel like it so often. Sometimes, it’s gives me anxiety because I’m not really sure how to understand that I am actually here, in this moment. 

I’ve been feeling it since I got here, a few months ago, but I have ignored it. Being in a new state and environment, I figured it was pretty normal to feel like this wasn’t real life or my body. However, I really started to notice it after a minor car accident due to black ice. I’ve never been in an accident before and I’d always assumed that it would send me into a full on anxiety attack. But when it came to the moment, I was oddly calm. It’s so hard to explain, like I was at piece with everything that was going on. I haven’t been able to shake that eery feeling out of my head since then. And I’ve noticed it only declining.

Do any of you feel the depersonalization often? How do you cope with it? Do you just let it happen and remind yourself this is real life? I guess I just want to know I’m not alone in this, because it’s kind of scary. Feel free to comment anything related to depersonalization and such. ",4.640187969924813,5.892583996240603,6.283533834586468,74.9483082706767,69.93984962406014,9.209022556390977,29.413533834586467,9.549672527348893,2.7398601503759403,1077,41,201,24,19,370,141,266,0.135,0.762,0.102,-0.8472,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,0,13,12,1,1,9,0,21,5,2,3,2,52,44,19,0,3,10,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,21,15,0,1,12,0,1,5,6,4,0,0,11,9,23,8,31,30,6,31,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,6,18,142,44,1,0.11425856037662176,0.0,0.11149987293209898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101283319806833,0.0,0.0,0.11833740997131192,0.0,0.0,0.09507227529578273,0.0,0.0,0.07769973914908805,0.0,0.26222245784604953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402505972967802,0.0,0.0,0.1299856073297462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393019157919461,0.0,0.09722561933988792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691550282980565,0.14390465698383195,0.0,0.0,0.13068135424305974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984107306276757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268822663200416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044079284842212,0.16325267672599686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596953819486157,0.10960722246608737,0.0649357729515913,0.0,0.09138300845131574,0.0,0.1258686858788469,0.0,0.10103846759635622,0.0,0.10235322742902736,0.0,0.1172622465418806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898270805126665,0.06279351666349146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683711923940415,0.16140840044215726,0.16746288353161712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713854210741864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120009280236842,0.0,0.08399318863527137,0.0,0.08812324557926697,0.11035162960189647,0.0,0.0,0.11194912977969028,0.0,0.2601682565788461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689878385434031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624203259695587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26010251218174346,0.14639391906982618,0.0,0.112816544116483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903172371785096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300463779630272,0.0,0.1617455942403114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076873409604467,0.1187583930527131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189471908966184,0.0,0.09868271082894936,0.0,0.0,0.06739265924735277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116600305330372,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,taserparty,2018/11/27,"Do you have hallucinations and/or delusions? I'm diagnosed BPD/OCPD with dysthmia, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, with traits getting more severe seasonally. 

I got myself evaluated (again) in July. I really feel like there's something else going on. Antipsychotics do nothing for me.",6.8801215805471125,10.943279808510637,8.11793313069909,48.82000000000002,80.70212765957447,12.898480243161096,38.62917933130699,10.608840637214634,7.518479635258359,249,15,26,12,7,84,41,47,0.23199999999999998,0.713,0.055,-0.7854,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669073473160484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020317732932066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340167753345066,0.0,0.0,0.5496851136475145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003301338663044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125493000911487,0.17132001312492354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252906086936532,0.0,0.13628931172767875,0.0,0.19179762955496268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171588483976367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301037613980457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362815875016994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709165683041673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445566867066065,0.0,0.18461713207429126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Winterdweller,2018/11/27,"I'm hitting grandiosity these days Just got out of a period of extreme low self-confidence, hypervigiliance and extreme jealousy and destructive behavior. Then it hit me last night. Now I feel like I am invincible, feel like I can get anyone I want and feel like I am the shit. It's a good feeling.  


These identity swings are so weird honestly.",4.1416145833333315,6.690373265625002,5.16375,77.03958333333338,74.15625,9.891666666666666,30.979166666666664,10.125756701596842,3.760497916666667,275,13,49,9,6,90,47,64,0.187,0.539,0.273,0.6744,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,10,14,5,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,5,3,11,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,9,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768397984683794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466061043101373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850299723871368,0.5139709034661469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529325708753045,0.0,0.0,0.20114515120891696,0.1918016837747728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548094808266356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514839747069016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504980433832164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25017898247469306,0.0,0.246166292874487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414488944581871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mashiara29,2018/11/27,"BPD and long distance relationship So this is my first time posting on this sub, even though I have been following it for a while. Just heads up, English is not my fist language, so sorry for any grammar mistake. Also, this post is little long. 

So I've been diagnosed with BPD two years ago, in my 29th year. Been misdiagnosed with bipolar disease when I was 16, and only when I got a new therapist, I've got right diagnosis.
Not on medication right now, but seeing terapeut once in a while.

The one thing I struggle most is relationships. Two years ago I've gone thorough really rough love relationship, and that is when I first started showing issues with fear of someone leaving me or cheating me. The guy I was with did cheat on me, and that lead to me being really emotional unstable, and it took a long while before I was OK again. In that time i got diagnosed with BPD.

So fast forward to today. In the last 4 months I am in stable relationship, with really great guy whom I love so much. He knows about my diagnosis, and Ive gone through several episodes with him when my fear of abandonment kicked in, but we made it through.

But the problem is we don't live in the same country. I've been in my home country last 5months because my parents have house here, and I've mostly been prolonging my stay here because of him. But now I must returt to country I live in on regular basis. I am leaving in 4 days, and I've been worse emotionally. Have tried to hide it from him, but I am mess, because I have never been in long distance relationship, and I don't know how I am going to react, with my BPD in picture. I have already been messing with my head, thinking about if he is gonna stop love me or cheat on me, or just get tired of been in this kind of relationship.


For information, we are living on the same continent, it takes only 2 hours with plane. And we have already made plans for visiting each other.

Anybody been through somewhat same, or have some advice?

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bpd,redskydelight,2018/11/27,My mum just told me my problem is just that I need to get out more and make some friends. LOL yes mum. Why didn't I ever think of that? ,-1.9056451612903231,-0.08223841935483732,-0.006209677419352744,108.91068548387098,94.48387096774192,3.1,14.201612903225806,3.1291,-1.801458064516129,103,2,29,0,4,33,26,31,0.075,0.6659999999999999,0.259,0.7672,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,7,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,3,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776564013076969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225626664145416,0.0,0.2181286836786203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786872584590929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095740330070787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994950811667993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675197977483457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989431018633639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767325518396769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ItsactuallyanA,2018/11/27,“Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment” What does this criterion ACTUALLY mean? It’s the only one I can’t clearly understand. What does it look like as behaviour within an individual? ,5.400294117647062,8.907036970588239,7.507352941176473,56.37808823529414,76.3529411764706,10.458823529411768,37.911764705882355,10.125756701596842,5.755905882352941,163,10,21,6,4,57,31,34,0.221,0.649,0.13,-0.5661,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.31556708573862385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5659748047591996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798455709942358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27155332628817297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35224987775238104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191270837076856,0.24594105135747016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680712345406551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33664449475112984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cha0ticMentality,2018/11/27,"I just split on my animals I hate this. I hate that an ANIMAL'S behavior is perceived as rejection and I instantly spiral into ""They hate me"" ""I'm not good enough"" and then I split and it's ""UNGRATEFUL, USELESS, SPITEFUL...etc."" Why do I do this??? Why can't I just accept things??? ",-0.01517857142857082,2.3368749821428594,2.732857142857142,87.93714285714289,93.82142857142857,7.085714285714286,21.285714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.652185714285714,213,8,44,6,8,74,39,56,0.39,0.61,0.0,-0.9741,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,2,7,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,3,8,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,31,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26256911625343193,0.2834058204092711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313992382674865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7526589824941887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688229665843552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585992095977028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Metrolite,2018/11/27,"Blew up on my fp. I scared the shit out of my favorite person.  I was so angry and paranoid. They were hanging out with someone who hates me (and actively out to get me, like actually prodding my other friends for information about me so they can spread it to my friends and family to make me look like i’m evil or something.) 

He keeps going offline when I message them but I feel like the only thing I can do is cut my losses here. They’re a good friend and they’ve put up with so much of my shit, and I’m ashamed yet there’s this twisting feeling inside saying I’m right and that they’re plotting behind my back again. I’ve already told them that I think they need to go, and or we should just... not talk for a very long time. I do like talking to them- I just find myself to be a liability right now. I’m actually scared that he may well be leaking my DMs to that person right now so they have more “justification” for why they hate me. 

Any advice...?? ",1.8302425267907478,3.701927492385789,3.2935617597292755,90.94263254371124,78.64467005076142,5.799097574732093,22.619571347997745,6.691623216298621,0.4345050197405529,744,23,164,7,18,244,116,197,0.15,0.6759999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.6258,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,8,1,16,19,6,3,5,0,12,2,2,2,0,30,29,15,0,2,6,0,2,4,3,2,0,1,0,2,9,13,0,1,6,0,0,4,1,10,1,0,3,4,31,9,22,22,2,21,0,1,1,0,23,9,2,3,12,107,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.25665454909767005,0.0,0.0,0.128502524792123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511605713870387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942607283714134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111715090420474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239686642464004,0.0,0.1329830273180777,0.09394526879778224,0.0,0.0,0.12019071907038947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047950503844111,0.0,0.06870452375566996,0.0,0.1494715741725429,0.11029788945399063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25966259083767423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688528566215894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25698152373427235,0.0,0.0,0.11637539662364135,0.11042881159695853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777880582370179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666932073361648,0.09750728857012801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001342423436496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964547069881155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219613183802972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369067349077348,0.0,0.10457590641059693,0.26331348444840114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26997044070496284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114214713401148,0.10123689451709346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113931336980692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736428432221806,0.08426136347383424,0.0,0.0,0.07668004815569403,0.0,0.0,0.12565608225791824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850316884474234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823635973919824,0.0,0.11866037112083012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aerospacemango,2018/11/27,"Anyone tried out the Huddle. app? I just found the Huddle. app on iOS (and Android) and while I like the concept, I’m not sure if it’s everything I was hoping for. Is anyone here active in the BPD community?",-0.4871428571428567,1.6674150476190517,2.202380952380953,89.9592857142857,100.90476190476193,4.3047619047619055,15.523809523809526,6.1826913282559595,-0.20656190476190472,160,4,32,2,7,55,32,42,0.045,0.762,0.193,0.7505,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,5,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905699687290019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418157586829044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152731656371503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846301227166474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484199564146053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138139119213489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33062143536000976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23816771421492544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,phoebe_angora,2018/11/27,"Who else scored 9/10 or higher on the DSM-5 checklist? Just wondering because I haven't come across anyone on the net who's talked about their experiences with BPD who has 'scored' quite so highly. I don't even know what having such a 'high score' means - am I a prototypical person with BPD? Am I screwed; utterly and irrevocably 'disordered'? Should I just feel more confident that this is the right diagnosis? Being diagnosed with BPD definitely made sense to me, but I'm becoming frustrated with the idea that my personality is disordered. I am becoming disillusioned with notions that my personality or my attitude somehow needs to be 'fixed' or that my sense of self is 'inherently unstable' or inadequate. I guess I'm also just tired. Finally getting diagnosed felt good at first, but I have more questions all the time about what exactly BPD is and what that really means for myself...",8.662018284106892,9.122031094936707,8.881983122362874,62.65155414908581,60.83544303797469,13.351336146272855,37.17580872011252,12.650343791298138,5.203896483825599,715,31,119,25,9,236,100,158,0.135,0.8170000000000001,0.048,-0.9452,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,10,3,2,0,7,0,15,4,0,1,2,32,28,10,0,2,9,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,12,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,2,15,1,15,23,3,11,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,8,3,84,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914614795722912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997001624939369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971876231236987,0.2526248944842332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5761789861315867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985194469085437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216585833803305,0.0,0.0,0.2621553752604599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955412837564601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554016750737963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187560025408848,0.0,0.0,0.057828802144174726,0.0,0.1098129337739653,0.12528651436090196,0.0,0.097282884767301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059753494724905966,0.0,0.0,0.09592795343572094,0.0,0.0,0.12599121761489848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416759244950861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910957153127942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285464543873719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821946044263557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491644594624464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480374995298898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995898669816673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281203393178639,0.12164634949455913,0.0,0.0,0.07326821594362895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767117557249763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931263387255092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192610478044748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666899441625002,0.13145124888483872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402915833580262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MeatBallsdeep,2018/11/27,"I am an introvert raised by an extrovert. I always thought that I was the bubbly, outgoing, and cheery person. But, I have slowly been realizing..

**I was never an extrovert.**

I just really wanted to be.


My mom was a people person and I tried to emulate her, possibly to gain her approval/attention. I know now that she wouldn't have accepted me anyway.

I'm just not an extrovert, and I need to let that go.",0.3292210321324234,2.7009501012658252,3.5091139240506344,80.727682570594,98.62025316455696,8.000389483933787,21.266796494644595,8.384062270229773,2.4047324245374884,314,12,58,11,13,112,52,79,0.025,0.851,0.124,0.8119,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,1,15,16,4,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,14,1,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504708799152564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673707925760789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618491653351488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011455837136639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34491413138437305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218367569355868,0.22713608826946155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416879914183894,0.514291023629659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33200381783362937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866385313763115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379962324832676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999457573464781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370337303057598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somnusultima,2018/11/27,"Decent jobs with minimal human interaction? (This first paragraph is just my backstory, feel free to skip)

I’ve been through a string of jobs and I’ve always ended up quitting or being fired after a few months. First time I got fired was due to a customer was using abusive language and insulting me, I got triggered from my school days of being bullied so I freaked out, burst into tears and begged her to please, please stop.  My boss fired me on the spot for my “unprofessional conduct”. I had to leave a job because the HR guy was being really creepy towards me, he asked me what porn I watched (none), if I masturbated (no), and asked me to describe my underwear. My boss said he didn’t have time to discuss this when I brought it up, and told me that if I had any complaints, to go through HR. Catch-22. I was too scared to confront the creepy guy because whenever I’ve confronted a bully face-to-face, it ended horribly. My fear of him got so bad I had nightmares about him sexually assaulting me, so I just left. I got fired from my last job because my co-worker was a fucking psychopath. He was extremely rude to me, always made fun of me in front of others, gaslighted and the negged the crap of me, and he talked shit about me to my manager behind my back. I asked my manager to make him stop because I actually had a panic attack and threw up when she assigned me and him to the same team project, and she outright said I was lying and that I was trying to slander him. He pretends to be this cool and charming guy, and he’s friends with the manager, so I looked like some crazy woman when I said he was actually a manipulative cunt who lacked any empathy. My manager said I was being “histrionic” and that I needed to see a shrink, because how dare I insult her friend, and then kicked me out of the building.

At first, I treated my emotions as the problem. When I was in the psych ward in June, the doctors started me on mood stabilisers. I’m 100 times worse when I’m on my period, so I’m really pushing my GP to greenlight a partial hysterectomy so I can stop having periods without taking the pill.  (The pill is making me the emotional equivalent of a clitoris – I suddenly started crying because a video game reminded me of my grandpa who died earlier this year). She doesn’t want to because it means I can’t have kids, but I don’t want kids anyway because I know my BPD will make me a shitty mom and I’d fuck up their childhoods. I could never do that to a child.

But now, I’ve re-evaluated my situation. I need to stop running away. I want a job that will last – so something where I don’t have to put up with people: no customers who are rude to me or co-workers who abuse me or managers who give me panic attacks. I just know that if I don’t cut people out of the equation, I’ll just leave or get fired because I couldn’t handle a shitty person doing shitty things to me.

PS: A lot of the articles I looked up Google tend to cater to the autistic crowd; but I’m the opposite of someone on the spectrum, I’m not super-smart, I can’t do math, I don’t know shit about computers or engineering, and I’m so bad at science I almost failed biology in high school. I don’t have anything beyond a high school diploma, and I only have experience in fast food, retail, and office jobs.",5.929456998728617,5.5755934537177545,6.737399827748842,78.48176147315756,66.66312594840667,9.612943444202928,33.592297912480014,9.142720283898788,2.7982331214370686,2582,104,515,41,37,859,296,659,0.21100000000000002,0.754,0.035,-0.9988,6,0,1,0,1,0,76.0,0,0,1,6,28,34,16,4,37,1,47,10,3,10,1,76,94,46,1,12,17,2,6,1,2,2,3,4,0,9,21,26,1,4,5,4,2,7,16,25,0,3,29,15,92,9,75,56,6,71,0,1,4,3,53,28,6,11,37,339,113,25,0.0,0.14757776494996205,0.12154808939518985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062362113540062436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036400590670912,0.0,0.0,0.08470193365895258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124923493128427,0.0,0.1746637082383289,0.14169973296225724,0.058511942624797586,0.047887701740342,0.10399854461917564,0.3416751324802101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843657419281001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497236702742555,0.0,0.06840912141948863,0.04016395987657707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463441294879786,0.0,0.0,0.06374385771186614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401080445414162,0.11031910198936333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060919533901161164,0.0,0.07007971884830412,0.03148947281341491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589201215401148,0.07530643357355479,0.0,0.09623118224239344,0.1151494472884221,0.03253752417273609,0.059742437925375924,0.0353938481188778,0.0,0.1992366410535033,0.0,0.0,0.1849941220490488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159960386299532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708060041493112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267857410250672,0.10152926376725256,0.0,0.1318861693847608,0.06766489566079575,0.0,0.0,0.030425735029421513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459515415550877,0.0,0.0,0.05294626751270447,0.0,0.0589286589231916,0.12471253100449145,0.0,0.0,0.0678386650025249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293888134468894,0.04970946038450885,0.0,0.0,0.0923562404755528,0.048032396135491165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736499186278401,0.0,0.14613890850140493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863510216593516,0.05437847936035863,0.0,0.13672441053590656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959134140975859,0.0,0.06260628267388467,0.0,0.06623999241260359,0.0,0.0,0.07979336968772838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696138994456506,0.0,0.062350835119064224,0.189085050473904,0.04962725819667066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785431380909634,0.0,0.0700027362590751,0.0,0.0,0.05276768717564418,0.04794441068010196,0.0,0.0,0.08816094328632965,0.0,0.0,0.20826775981620949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046825074577480384,0.05005645059204505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041374531946062235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089438708274239,0.0,0.0,0.05950900450832273,0.0,0.0422824655282578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378793106294085,0.0,0.0,0.11019899066295648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060033473662219325,0.0,0.09067780444774898,0.0,0.06346628969374563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040104792434206886
bpd,detachedalien,2018/11/27,"Lamitrogen So I have just been prescribed Lamitrogen (slowly increasing from 25mg to 100mg). I have tried endless antidepressants and valproate as a mood stabilizer so far and I am pretty desperate to improve my depression. 

I am diagnosed with bpd and my mood swings are pretty bad, but my baseline mood almost always is severely depressed. 

Does anybody have any experience with Lamitrogen?",6.1206493506493524,9.56951963636364,5.965930735930737,69.08318181818183,72.33333333333333,8.61991341991342,36.701298701298704,9.23628265651192,4.4537298701298695,320,18,43,8,7,100,47,66,0.2,0.7140000000000001,0.086,-0.8464,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,6,7,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250038954922804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077707969328649,0.0,0.0,0.1698048844866329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084894652693745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31448900503181304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43013330365018987,0.2534407243182942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851456694910396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24425497672148674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080703007186137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28209046049569103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953023064962786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LeExoticOne,2018/11/27,"Empty Threats and Stalking Does anyone feel the need to make empty threats or stalk exes just for the attention? Or to make them fear you, letting them know they’ve made a mistake? Or to hurt them how they hurt you?

With a recent ex I became so obsessed when things ended, and the things I did were a new low and drove me to depression and therapy again (harassing him with 100s of calls and texts from my number and endless burners, tried meeting his ex, almost harassed his young daughter but I did stalk her IG and had to let him know about it). 

2 weeks after the lowest low of my life, I met my dream guy. It was too soon, and I ruined it. After that I took my ass to therapy again. 

When things ended with my dream guy, I sent pictures to get his attention and empty threats. Even on vacation with friends I’d be glued to my phone at night texting him - with no response of course. 

Fast forward 4 months to a few weeks ago, he came to mind, but I didn’t have his number because I erase all traces of it. Well, I PAID some online directory to get his number (which I obtained), and I found out his parents names and addresses, I know his IG, and I know where he lives and works. I’ve texted him twice casually with no response, but feel like I need to text him some empty threat like “I’ll see you around” or text from an anon burner. 

I dated another guy a month after things ended with dream guy, who I didn’t attach to as much, but he still hurt me when he broke up when things were going well. We actually ended things nicely, but recently I decided to text him things to get his attention, see if he cares, and confuse him. I thought about seducing his dad or getting a job at his or his dads job, I know his grandpa is in a nursing home and I thought about volunteering there, just to infiltrate anyone/anything he cares about, and also to send empty threat texts or mean things in regards to private things and insecurities he’s shared.

I don’t want to be mean! I don’t want to put this negative energy out there! These men do not want to be with me, but they did nothing that warrants this response. But I feel weak if I don’t say something mean enough. Or if I see them out, I’d rather them fear me then pity. I also feel like the most recent guy should hurt as I felt hurt by him. 

But I also know this behavior never warrants anything positive. I only end up regretting doing it. I stopped drinking in August, so I haven’t done anything horrible or that I regret to these guys. But I’ve been thinking about it. And I know if I ever drink again I’ll go off, because I’m the back of my mind these thoughts are there. ",4.59981576026637,5.066152098113211,5.161487236403996,85.82162042175365,69.52830188679245,8.122086570477249,28.04106548279689,8.027739517013583,1.5938623751387349,2052,66,432,25,34,659,235,530,0.20800000000000002,0.698,0.09300000000000001,-0.997,4,0,3,0,0,0,58.0,1,3,7,2,34,38,7,5,14,0,26,6,1,4,3,107,72,53,0,14,26,7,5,3,1,1,2,1,2,7,26,32,2,1,24,6,1,9,11,27,2,1,23,9,78,11,62,43,7,61,0,13,3,2,64,17,1,18,40,288,104,3,0.0,0.0,0.05950825309879396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405560805815034,0.0,0.06106324591005249,0.0,0.0,0.14629845216755788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394345896424583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263904196539727,0.0,0.15054547341314806,0.054285648093353976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689030472899562,0.0,0.07434639559761838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226799395650087,0.06974554229604317,0.12434753837175355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052522487352028566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336451970318503,0.062404309092268476,0.0,0.11947551287544507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700534856401657,0.06300924405997672,0.0,0.04027710038691807,0.05516042912623625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372402204614905,0.1233344614433696,0.08712908230471585,0.05855092334768655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686206245425827,0.04711344766808929,0.0,0.12743935232969153,0.0,0.06931334198600095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36228219107225657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116849746548327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264048802009707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102763965147605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459333800272425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471355670990801,0.04307238965031242,0.0893760987864269,0.0,0.05384697258929357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577013027094536,0.08141002623224737,0.0,0.0,0.19927719803455696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314601177582472,0.0,0.097348240180002,0.0,0.0448277455071749,0.0904326602058423,0.047031985453577285,0.05889542769446095,0.0,0.05722614682840312,0.0,0.05851251467876039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046378481765002734,0.0,0.0,0.06771172159069799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061302329530152265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063290884026328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849420770912871,0.0,0.0,0.14578088998658728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046945832544479885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869917288400073,0.05098249847089858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947322385525174,0.0,0.3646151112744778,0.0390738957223176,0.0,0.14523531549009566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775167221471921,0.04140181343559925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790378458819874,0.0,0.09782989184249588,0.0,0.10965773637096443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044394591180905336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,astraypieceofglitter,2018/11/27,"I'm the bad roommate yet I'm splitting This is a text I got from my roommate today: 

"" Please clean...I don't get why I need to ASK you when you NEVER need to ask me to do my part. Tomorrow's my day off and for once I would like to not have to clean on that day so fricking move please"" 

I actually was in a really good mood today when I got home and planned on cleaning and doing dishes but she was sleeping (in the afternoon bc she's working an overnight shift) so I didn't want to wake her? And then I ended up passing out on the couch and now it's 9pm and this is what I wake up to and even before I saw this my mood had already plummeted from napping 
We've been friends for 13 years and right now I'm splitting and I either want to clean everything and curl up and die or respond with something snarky and angry?? I can't use my dbt skills and idk what emotions I'm experiencing rn. 
I feel like a POS but I thought that I've been doing well lately with chores and I've been struggling mentally lately but my life looks okay from afar since I have a part time job and sleep in my spare time? Like I feel like I should be picking up the slack but idk how to tell her(who is super stressed right now bc she's doing full time school and working a full time management position?) that I do need reminders? I wanted to respond with something like wow sorry you don't come home to a perfectly clean apartment fuck off?? But I can tell it's my bpd mind lashing out
I just suck at communicating and I feel guilty since I have all this ""free"" time that I'm wasting and she's busy 80hours of the week?? Like how do I say"" I want to legitimately die and idk why even tho my life is v chill and my only job is to clean."" 
Vent over and now I'm going to stay up all night and clean, go to therapy and sleep ",1.362902019446523,3.1298653874345557,2.8142154076290207,94.32558638743456,79.68062827225131,5.8316828721017195,22.17083021690352,6.742157984588678,0.3198162154076289,1406,43,327,14,35,458,179,382,0.155,0.7240000000000001,0.121,-0.8918,2,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,0,6,16,21,2,2,12,1,28,9,5,4,4,60,58,37,2,9,9,0,3,6,1,2,2,1,10,0,12,29,1,0,4,1,1,5,6,5,1,0,11,7,43,15,41,44,7,54,0,0,2,1,16,22,2,1,32,191,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0853203772738594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648265956788024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347300405513707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300151822206688,0.0,0.0,0.07439763207457242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011671405942232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531435908384866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277196462842365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181479857893483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834849135727668,0.07743821765591931,0.0,0.0,0.11549515307746795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857765221994176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326237399846034,0.12492193580984425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754923763331032,0.08082886645450929,0.04567926738772785,0.0,0.09937849256874748,0.07333326117779965,0.13985366175681013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540152867084974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352423131099975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725272312020373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351068444070362,0.25628722305337565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342030679355664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811022825653489,0.0,0.08828073113691717,0.0,0.0,0.09292567945897838,0.0,0.19448769586207795,0.0674324406091364,0.0,0.0,0.08204839132519555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931115253481408,0.0,0.066495475089976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935924565022208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919467158639061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601075623307115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933177601042322,0.0,0.06952891207326697,0.0,0.08848518543047633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464821851552032,0.0,0.2624834503921679,0.0,0.0,0.13461783653708456,0.0,0.09787222880599553,0.0,0.09319017702987792,0.0,0.0,0.10015230639715757,0.09140222161434504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283769249243148,0.0,0.09998535883061148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694107190506325,0.2549095919407148,0.0,0.16574937750683302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551260729651695,0.0,0.0,0.20627708216221535,0.0,0.07013214845010945,0.0,0.07861127617572189,0.0,0.1577863734280844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730211596651156,0.0,0.0,0.0621087165411959,0.0,0.0,0.05630291743790694
bpd,violetflames,2018/11/27,"There is nothing new under the sun I am just so, so, so fucking exhausted. 
I am tired of my mind, and I am tired of being misunderstood. 

I try to find ways to express my extremely dependable chaos, but I often speak my own language. 

I am tired of feeling so much insatiable. fucking. longing. 
I am tired of always feeling like I know something other people don’t see. 

Not because I am better, but because I am cursed. 

I’m tired, and yet for some reason - I am confident it will always be worth it. 

Whatever “it” is, I don’t really know - but I do know that I used to want to die, all the time. 
So, being tired isn’t so bad, especially when I know it will be worth it.**
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I just want to rest. 
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** this statement does not reflect on any past, present, or future, references toward every day nihilism** 😁😂",-0.07731132075471693,2.2541302075471705,2.4302279874213846,89.43892688679243,95.98113207547169,5.165723270440252,21.71933962264151,6.816661863887847,0.8983603773584905,609,24,122,10,24,208,89,159,0.23800000000000002,0.6579999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.98,0,0,1,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,0,1,12,6,2,0,2,0,20,9,0,3,1,29,33,13,1,2,8,0,2,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,11,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,0,4,19,2,13,27,5,13,0,0,1,2,2,3,2,4,10,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672135928981345,0.0,0.0,0.07630090299850653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368360936037336,0.1367940495135131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923315488998437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723607189162371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644749676267604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818833437536796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453464687651797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346495206518956,0.08015681125528609,0.0,0.0,0.10255018593751423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745705389116334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466521548898867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481601084777078,0.0,0.0,0.0992948428515273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329158257669095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248105088613182,0.0,0.0,0.10836495821209262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766041535418992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071090773712379,0.07778642874885222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187918737465364,0.1153618827241078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941011025775518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637823649581737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654256273436445,0.7737550718987166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617748878790329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690611614720857,0.0,0.0,0.1323587649677205,0.08906036952252183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheTinyAsian,2018/11/27,"Trouble working About a couple weeks ago, I felt like I was doing so much better. I'm cured! (Note: this was right after a bad episode that sent me to inpatient) 
Now I've become ill, physically this time, and the amount of times I feel like I need to call into work makes me constantly worry about losing my job- as there are limits. 
I'm typically high-functioning, but my bad episodes are sporadic and I tend to get sick a lot. 
I constantly want to quit my job, love it an hour later, then want to walk out ten minutes later. 
I've briefly considered applying for disability, but I doubt I'd get it and I don't want to take it away from those who need it more. 
I never know if I'm exaggerating or if I really am this sick and I just don't know what to do.
Sorry about the rant, I just needed to vent and organize my thoughts and maybe get advice, I don't know.
Thanks for reading xx",3.4265934065934083,4.377561659340664,4.84692307692308,85.24807692307694,72.51648351648352,8.237362637362638,24.98901098901099,8.617729084823388,1.4718439560439558,690,20,150,12,13,231,112,182,0.195,0.722,0.084,-0.9679,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,6,8,10,0,1,6,0,10,4,0,1,1,32,34,14,0,8,7,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,6,1,0,2,4,5,0,1,5,2,19,5,20,29,4,19,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,5,15,88,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375375018413588,0.12133241255354345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859961068171644,0.0,0.22857166844129145,0.0,0.15116890927459226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210557958470956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397658115969075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958288967586238,0.0,0.0,0.15145081187841308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920867369495681,0.09778432006754086,0.13142253028344694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145363537829696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461712484210865,0.0,0.0,0.13479539639114785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27165683695163595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256705906964717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374150656999154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312935512108033,0.0,0.116367173669913,0.12353603293958247,0.0,0.09136586603724743,0.0,0.13751044952111005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061968974376777,0.3044757028153145,0.10556729388978328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558459100297458,0.13691315024739026,0.0,0.08768634074093554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689144974414363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322159851664552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291379999840064,0.0,0.0,0.12601713186037147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866434183499653,0.1596271205054626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421992273893219,0.0,0.10979375890410073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929487599188514,0.1390043334519306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PalePrincess7,2018/11/27,"All the signs but no diagnosis I have talked to several people that could diagnosis me with BPD but no one has given me the time of day when I brought it up. They say that it doesn't matter as I am being treated for depression so a lot of the treatments would overlap anyway. But, it matters to me. I want to be validated. Should I give up on trying to get diagnosed? If they didn't diagnosis me, am I making this up to make myself feel better? I am so confused.",1.7457777777777783,3.7396243263157913,4.30140350877193,83.02426900584798,79.42105263157895,7.169590643274852,24.239766081871338,8.167268648758528,1.5433625730994156,361,13,74,7,9,127,64,95,0.155,0.758,0.08800000000000001,-0.8276,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,4,4,0,1,4,0,12,1,0,2,1,18,20,8,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,3,2,14,2,14,12,2,9,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,3,3,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23391298603472285,0.0,0.0,0.3331060338871504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111674912605749,0.0,0.0,0.17056911928358567,0.0,0.2277981050676131,0.26844383476813005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373013171494946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818101748101233,0.2537153968906441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485328256345186,0.0,0.0,0.35308780379942084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921996292661752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335863494205693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032683674810945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987895697136187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125807494625725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422167996284805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956603204604502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599843608616545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878805448707334,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cellis108,2018/11/27,"FP Obsession Discovery I was recently diagnosed with BPD and educating myself has introduced me to the concept of FPs. 

It’s just dawned on me that the guy I’ve dated (and messed around with regardless of status) on and off again for the last 20 years is my FP. 

I can’t stop thinking about him. I look up and realize I’ve been spacing off thinking about him for minutes, an hour sometimes. I check repeatedly for new messages from him. I can’t get him off of my mind. Even my journal entries from years ago have the same loop of obsessive thoughts, worrying about him. 

What the fucking fuck. How do I make this stop? ",4.390666666666668,5.891544066666674,5.0483333333333364,82.61666666666669,70.83333333333334,9.0,31.666666666666664,9.444778638647367,2.8899166666666667,488,22,96,11,9,157,80,120,0.145,0.855,0.0,-0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,2,6,0,8,3,0,2,0,19,16,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,17,0,22,13,1,20,0,0,1,2,7,8,2,0,12,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188611982641667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266015772758892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25842616270537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826074301777547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552424568704902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793846188034939,0.10720187109681527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316764033517615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020681127495938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725499747844394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230561510463388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696408493288295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718063359779176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817112791218747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025976587330276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029354402122636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34309146299686505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26295141372895153,0.0,0.16289575954106142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837761582851386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642677276901643
bpd,TinyTopaz,2018/11/27,"a vent i guess so, to start off with I want to say that I am not diagnosed with anything, my parents have actively thwarted all of my attempts at getting mental health care for years. Bt BPD is what i'm clinging to as a possibility because i do have 8 of the 9 traits i believe (going on others examples). 

I don't know if this is a BPD thing or a generally reaction to shitty parents but im having a real rough time handling my emotions at the moment. 

So, today mum and I were going out and as we left one of the power tools dad had been using on the weekend fell under the garage door and broke the chain on the door so it wouldn't open or close. We had been having issues with this stupid door for months, it keeps getting jammed at a certain spot and won't go up and since it started i said look we have to get this looked at its ridiculous but because I said it it was the worst idea and absolutely not happening. 

so now today we ended up with a very broken door so of course i said look this is not something we can fix its fully snapped we need someone around but nope apparently we could have just put the chain back in place and it all would have been fixed so i stood on top of a ladder with a mop trying to get the stupid chain back up there by myself for an hour with no luck. 

long story short a huge fight ensured and dad insisted on taking the afternoon off work so he could 'see for himself' that it was broken before we call anyone out. 2 hours later he is home for 10 mins and oh look its actually really broken guess we should call someone. at least at that point he is being not rude but not nice so im like maybe i might get some sort of apology/ validation/something to make up for being treated like an idiot all morning (even though that has never happened in my life) so i go down and say look you not believing me when i said these things really hurt and i was cut off at that point with him saying how awful i am and like yeah i did call you stupid because taking an entire afternoon off work to try and prove your daughter wrong is a stupid move and i accept that was shitty but i did only say that after half an hour of them treating me like dirt and my emotions were all firing under my skin. anyway so i left in tears again but not 15 mins later it was the whole no one wants to be near you thing again when i said that he should get rid of his cigarette fumes before the repair man comes.

​

I feel like i can't cope with how they make me feel, im so angry and upset and hurt and i just don't want to live with them anymore but they have me completely trapped. the worst part is that a big event like this happens at least once a month/once a fortnight and i have to go through it all again. ",3.5089814814814773,4.397271130511463,4.422906084656088,88.59975595238096,72.26278659611992,7.0809347442680775,23.87517636684304,7.1686216300943375,0.7539665255731922,2149,55,465,20,40,696,263,567,0.19399999999999998,0.728,0.078,-0.998,4,1,3,0,1,0,28.0,9,4,4,5,28,30,10,1,32,2,49,4,1,5,8,99,95,47,0,11,19,6,5,6,0,6,3,9,6,1,32,43,0,1,6,1,0,9,16,17,0,3,20,20,56,13,70,64,12,82,0,3,6,0,45,42,0,9,37,321,88,2,0.0,0.0,0.06286941162721689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980435515452248,0.07828330843246907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638921919865228,0.04504738991854334,0.0,0.05301620556122638,0.05735182227186706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907754692239844,0.0,0.11781846813920265,0.0,0.10964169415175752,0.14516960721702551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228181928959748,0.0,0.197355086365238,0.0,0.06568548199311333,0.0,0.0,0.0554963491017428,0.06754828474154005,0.0,0.0,0.10287608500119756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538992010274827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449386883560067,0.05706134146431657,0.0,0.0,0.04255204062488617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515033310952177,0.046025163358625436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195611571272146,0.0,0.1830707843726077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419425872944826,0.0,0.17091218606231698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848065892142886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462343028943293,0.0,0.19033665524108825,0.0,0.13793638160689434,0.07272787331751608,0.20876985084100566,0.06724286029927493,0.0,0.057263813661550374,0.0,0.0,0.03540624166488215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999569056754255,0.0,0.04550521404481035,0.1888485193779803,0.0,0.05688836939937617,0.057014011552377016,0.2705034621907893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860082456341071,0.0,0.06472347405346407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492514901859572,0.06834464077735414,0.0,0.0,0.10284668536481972,0.06847347584848601,0.0,0.04777024902400103,0.04968845662831521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722083753944725,0.08731196279260083,0.04899804159750108,0.0,0.0,0.14307246054108674,0.06976589145867816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731031117561373,0.0,0.12180471403284428,0.07262939777007398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476482148686273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332964367405845,0.08254448472176497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30641417809015503,0.2049330737999941,0.0,0.0,0.051338306328328566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053292945258588784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917402197497884,0.0991948752224796,0.0,0.0,0.09120055544256583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687901809843644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284031279838461,0.0,0.06329713979558346,0.0,0.03756667885329843,0.0,0.12213454949905292,0.0,0.0,0.08748055993761583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055642430833737454,0.0,0.053157291845714265,0.11399843040506755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192810311401167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380419291894546,0.0,0.0,0.04576560243437789,0.0704385175072621,0.07828330843246907,0.041487525082727086
bpd,peytertot,2018/11/27,"Looking for Do the Opposite information My current therapist isn’t a DBT specialist but told me about this exercise. I would like to try it but I am having a hard time finding any literature or workbooks online or on Pinterest. Would someone be willing to share some shots of a practice book or anything they have explaining what it is, how it works and how to practice it? ",5.8229999999999995,7.369178157142862,6.55857142857143,72.97642857142857,67.42857142857143,10.171428571428573,38.285714285714285,10.355215969177356,4.4446571428571415,301,17,51,8,5,99,55,70,0.023,0.889,0.08800000000000001,0.6652,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,2,0,14,13,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,7,8,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,4,3,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451148883890409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25958202397667685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883084236446482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825742202446674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410910797995386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26489197204840204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26727312234002554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36625266569774295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839368628439325,0.0,0.0,0.30141850616540505,0.0,0.2141645235341698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964565266065465,0.0,0.0,0.4481621263788133,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,neurosis_psychosis,2018/11/27,"How do you deal with being extremely emotionally reactive with a specific person? I am pretty sure this is a product of my BPD, but it may not be. 

Do you guys ever have an FP or relationship or close friend and get to the point where pretty much everything they do upsets you? I am sure this has happened to me before, and it is currently happening now. 

We can't get through a conversation without fighting. I'd say about 30% of the time my anger is justified, and the other 70% is on my part. It feels uncontrollable. I can be at a nice even keel emotionally for hours before talking to him and then within two minutes of talking to him I'm at 100% emotion, usually anger. 

Almost immediately after hanging up/signing off I feel regret at having blown up at him, sadness that he's gone, and I wish I were speaking to him again. If I do speak to him again, however, it only takes another couple of minutes before I'm flying off the handle yet again. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this a product of the BPD? How can I handle this?

Thank you guys.",3.5145516847515696,5.334017194174759,5.3465619645916656,78.31325813820676,73.66019417475728,8.14802969731582,27.6516276413478,8.841846274778883,2.3181094231867503,826,32,154,17,17,283,124,206,0.106,0.748,0.147,0.812,2,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,1,4,1,0,11,12,3,2,11,0,23,0,0,2,3,26,35,12,0,3,6,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,11,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,2,6,23,5,27,29,2,26,0,2,0,0,25,12,0,5,12,119,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233982844170108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921869806102948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616614707094644,0.1262649664068187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31458212208758185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31041086138693585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635302125577092,0.0,0.0,0.12704599559609972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294388689171463,0.4158556697647707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139307065920663,0.11146971014135228,0.0,0.0,0.11075229096553353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246188335126017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952081490030283,0.0,0.1287664716338808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24403660056003584,0.2179459540584896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135794665833675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090589139300194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372290972047403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344742225541434,0.0,0.0,0.10760076401136304,0.0,0.0,0.11649335202624342,0.0,0.0,0.2507409435112537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323042319039441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799842681608142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228796738493715,0.0,0.09265455486603574,0.19809720281834564,0.0,0.11345476756468716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185712603756994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037901359550453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572179898180067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417098423692928,0.11879051618019056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,letfalltheflowers,2018/11/27,"Always preparing to be abandoned? I asked someone something today via text message. My question was half joking, half said with real concern. But the questioned went unanswered before they had to go to bed, granted there were several other texts within the timeframe when this question was asked so I am trying to be mindful and know that the message probably just was overlooked. Even though I will get to talk to them later, I am already jumping to the worst case scenario and preparing to be abandoned. I am already formulating my response in my head, how I’ll try to cope with them leaving, making my exit strategy for when it’s time to leave. But nothing is actually wrong, no indication that they are upset or actually want to leave. Everything has been great up until this moment that I know I am completely making up. But I am starting to panic, and I feel like I’m starting to split from them and the situation and don’t know how to stop it.

I hate imagined abandoned.
Why am I like this!  :/",5.32274255156608,7.044219139037434,5.8994996180290284,76.55664438502673,68.83957219251337,7.909702062643241,33.67799847211612,8.418075326091056,2.909918563789152,797,38,133,12,14,258,113,187,0.172,0.745,0.083,-0.945,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,5,0,9,12,1,2,5,0,20,1,1,4,0,31,37,16,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,4,8,1,0,3,2,8,0,2,8,2,20,4,23,25,1,18,0,3,0,0,14,5,0,4,12,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.2357717270827684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26661723736689863,0.0,0.10051739950334104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586815558595005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279407314848164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266591760825146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978894544546937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856954320853046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108139936289714,0.08630136638364815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631143468184116,0.0,0.06865487347942839,0.0,0.0,0.1331852386574616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926750902296875,0.1239782685923825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991697678754468,0.0,0.0,0.3837373761558213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180360486346448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612732813275899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197613930768185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591330549448416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173576492569054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024558155802915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059795113621933,0.0,0.0,0.13749974978223056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491088925617945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647249725325405,0.0,0.0,0.1357871284562933,0.0,0.0,0.102355609219944,0.09299970543560436,0.0,0.0,0.1710093343572253,0.0,0.0,0.10099634159586823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709651436270762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868789275056225,0.0,0.07044093880283361,0.0,0.1145066930266988,0.0,0.0,0.16403400452478806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125247431055412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198517480170392,0.10900551240490113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207862532824674,0.0,0.0
bpd,trash-lobsty,2018/11/27,"Multiple diagnosis I'm struggling dealing with BPD, APD, and DPD. My brain is a fucking mess. My biggest problem right now is definitely anger. I flip between wanting to kill myself and wanting to kill other people. My wife is super supportive, but I can tell it takes a toll on her dealing with my issues. I talk to her about everything. I go to therapy weekly, I'm on my 4th round of DBT. I'm in crisis mode more often than not. It's driving me fucking crazy. Any healthy suggestions for dealing with things? ",2.022006802721087,4.7556510306122455,3.7296938775510218,82.86828231292519,84.61224489795919,6.1238095238095225,28.574829931972786,7.492282038375204,2.1504666666666665,403,20,71,7,12,134,69,98,0.21,0.6990000000000001,0.091,-0.9192,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,5,1,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,11,14,3,2,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,0,1,13,2,15,14,1,9,0,0,1,2,9,5,2,1,2,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721034036035873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708070077495986,0.19241015529956507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330850917669823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549055650166893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186870789355729,0.0,0.0,0.09795585072190452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798984913994617,0.0,0.0,0.38138040119541183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949234453028977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649247214896349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719403344536225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018752638880084,0.0,0.0,0.1955914678210861,0.0,0.0,0.1295928603170811,0.13853600166316754,0.1506497613667482,0.0,0.19710805891349373,0.0,0.11450796368297357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332414534919602,0.0,0.1382563588320276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pleasetreatmeright,2018/11/27,"Struggling with poor care. (Tw- CSA)  


Background

*   
I have one or two bad experiences before, but,  for the past 5 or so years, I have stuck with the same support team. People only changing because they left the area/country/job. I don't do not cut and run with therapy gets hard. i have had experienced radical acceptance before. i found it validating and helpful.  

* recently, I disclosed my sexual trauma to my therapist. She has a history of being dismissive to me, but I can't afford anyone else.  It was very severe, and her words to me were ""we all have things we wish we could change, but we just have to move on."" i brought it up with her, because my trauma issues were getting worse. i haven't slept throught the night in forever, and I am  having constant flashbacks  

* In the same day, I stumbled across a post on reddit by a pedophile, and a pedophile was released without bail in my area.  

* I am also struggling with work, I am having panic attacks every day. I can't breathe. i am constantly on high-alert, i am making stupid mistakes, 

​

* my lithium is giving me side-effects.  (definitely the lithium, i stop taking it, and i feel better, and I start again and it makes me feel sick again)  

* i am also having cervix pain and cramps, so my gyno is checking my mirena. I had an ultrasound. I had a mirena instead of the copper, because of my PCOS and very painful cramps. im on the fence about my mirena as its getting the way of me and my partner having sex as he can feel the strings, and i can feel the strings and they're irriating my vagina  


So, I go to my psychatrist and:

* She refuses to give anything but anti-histamines for anxiety/ptsd stuff.  
* she says I need to continue to take the lithium
* she says my psychologist was only using radical acceptance and dismissed me when i noted that i never felt bad about radical acceptance before, and its odd of me to still be struggling with this stuff
* she tells me i MUST get the copper IUD, that's its a lie that it worsens cramps and periods and ""other things can be done for that"".  (my cramps are so bad that even on hormonal birth control i get nauseous from them pain
* I just have to keep working and things will get better  (every time i have worked, things just keep getting harder.)

​

I don't know what to do.I feel like any psychiatrist or psychologist worth their time don't work in the public system, but I can't afford to see anyone privately.",3.2423960990247567,5.513655273118284,4.310022505626407,83.42270817704427,75.83870967741936,6.906226556639161,26.94298574643661,7.900780265707199,1.8121252813203303,1902,75,350,30,43,618,224,465,0.17600000000000002,0.736,0.08800000000000001,-0.9928,3,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,4,0,3,8,17,24,3,4,21,0,47,13,3,4,3,72,81,36,0,5,13,0,7,1,1,2,9,2,0,1,23,29,0,6,11,1,3,4,10,16,0,2,14,11,69,8,44,61,3,40,0,0,1,2,25,13,0,3,21,253,92,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119778492524903,0.0,0.16228586374899898,0.18199830509098908,0.050927547265030806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472920445129444,0.0767333223740852,0.06162782173943401,0.0,0.0,0.08519781705260822,0.0,0.0,0.18758925213843736,0.1369561528448247,0.0,0.19117679332758028,0.0,0.0,0.13246766387592349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635501508053892,0.0,0.15844669285385754,0.0,0.0,0.16185826786064966,0.0839951388219592,0.05979331188067399,0.0,0.0,0.09659529017134713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663813894868624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256071406103601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946392421938123,0.0,0.1261955627728574,0.0,0.0,0.07325647262332871,0.0,0.0,0.18933235001614265,0.053501198981847416,0.07190583253568654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211266348913138,0.0,0.0,0.2738873506256182,0.14368200109448956,0.04256152829339696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708643921723408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050196970731845265,0.0791250536590749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089370043240356,0.07816536404114394,0.07431644704636675,0.13313076871858115,0.0,0.0,0.041157406998257526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136785131314009,0.0,0.0,0.03658731251692959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999788795510622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959587297503909,0.0,0.05552974529457076,0.057759534375974926,0.0,0.0,0.07027888708211724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074718212800392,0.11391394541297,0.2390636838296023,0.08786689805609506,0.0,0.0,0.07149066899567794,0.05191907134785368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172360749746337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754202278596858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394451957869995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911055126413088,0.0,0.0,0.05967737519715289,0.0,0.0,0.08460401656490346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300729761639511,0.0,0.05980699141547807,0.0626111218695952,0.0,0.2348728466751777,0.17146152198961134,0.0,0.08498391602200299,0.0,0.0,0.11261543134705874,0.0,0.0654568770885122,0.0,0.08564287037963778,0.08695268511829245,0.1990134902691352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733754380214781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315633085060877,0.0,0.0,0.06468063438848329,0.0,0.12358365037028,0.0,0.05944393840775537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611943065084852,0.07219097452313025,0.0,0.21808230213473329,0.0,0.07631897711163392,0.0,0.0,0.18199830509098908,0.04822649552420096
bpd,dantenic1,2019/08/28,"Strange Relationship Advice Hey, y’all.

So my symptoms are generally well-regulated, but I’ve managed to mangle a few friendships with my instability, insecurities, and semi-obsessive behavior.

So is the case with a former friend. Let’s call him Chris. He’s in my MBA class. Highly intelligent, funny, very handsome. I’m gay, he’s straight and engaged. I developed feelings. 

He has issues of his own - semi-sociopathic, has a bad reputation for using people in the class. But he’s FUN; very superficially charming. 

Year 1: Spent every day together. Our friendship imploded when I said he uses people, and we spent the rest of the year not talking and talking shit on each other. I stalked him on all forms of social media and sent a few drunken texts to patch things up. He refused to speak or make eye contact with me, even when at my house for a meeting of class leaders.

Year 2: Only on Week 3. Until last week, things were... shockingly friendly. Flipped me off jokingly, we texted a bit, he massaged my shoulders and hugged me at a bar crawl, and we formalized plans for us to host a professional event together. 

Now he won’t speak to me or look me in the eye. I don’t know what I did outside of tell some friends that I was happy to be back on speaking terms. I texted him a few times, send him a podcast, but nothing intense.

Should I confront him directly? He’s not known for speaking about emotions, and my friends believe he’ll get pissed. But I’m tired of dancing around him. We’re hosting an event together. I need his help, and I’m fucking tired of him icing me out.

I don’t know what to do. 😐",2.880537634408604,5.234660064516135,4.2367741935483885,83.09182795698925,77.38709677419354,6.843010752688173,28.72043010752688,7.908726449838941,2.0272817204301075,1260,57,239,21,30,415,181,310,0.099,0.703,0.198,0.99,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,5,1,0,1,9,18,4,1,16,0,14,12,5,3,1,39,32,20,0,2,8,0,1,0,4,3,3,5,0,0,6,18,1,1,4,3,2,3,5,7,0,0,7,9,37,11,36,20,11,35,0,0,3,3,47,15,3,3,17,142,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243838593009833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154053709035656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634535015237244,0.10461742610870227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116635981875308,0.0,0.0,0.13679143403223293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279418360724607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080594050632382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094180885627247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827572216117478,0.0,0.10556778823788228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335372494533928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872153647711868,0.115834686314766,0.06546230129212195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338055898864468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839836688385114,0.13238273558044467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457545203066613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077709576025248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771946749769245,0.10213345089526392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812426107495262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521758598893552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363645244567494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290584016352817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202254655328565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529370924351248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372977017973532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452165585066653,0.0,0.0,0.11918575780997033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861515780419575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277241032024499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023114105671998,0.0,0.20141731945397254,0.10951474976391803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648298510328202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306145419643065,0.2880200162129869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071638063744425,0.21643206351099767,0.0,0.20676563177481674,0.0,0.0,0.2010107470917236,0.0,0.1126566895719491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24206070427932916
bpd,ArachWitch,2019/08/28,"Having kids and BPD Is anyone else here absolutely terrified of having children because of your illness but like the idea of having kids? My mom had BPD and she neglected me and I was put into foster care. I'm so so afraid of becoming exactly what she was; which was a mother who often just clocked out of motherhood and left me home alone to go live a different life. 

Any bpd moms here?",3.9912280701754383,5.692227947368423,5.1868421052631595,80.43622807017546,72.15789473684211,8.750877192982456,27.14035087719298,9.2995712137729,2.406814035087719,308,11,58,7,6,102,56,76,0.14,0.772,0.08800000000000001,-0.5278,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,12,11,7,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,0,7,2,8,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,2,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875727770182112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737111579338898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068305114551205,0.1768448737323017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521284542079007,0.1906185873877539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6521354000551558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597300081595582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032595763962514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441817092812729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809021509853924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731277385198226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948397381325113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752592675696075,0.0,0.12190957309375013,0.08432162797170703,0.0,0.15240532262189055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042844132752759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350652897009738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Loquepiensamich,2019/08/28,"I just realized people thinks the rapid changing moods means Bipolar when it's actually bpd, but is less known Just a shower though, what do you guys think?",13.534137931034484,8.725883793103451,11.182068965517242,66.54482758620689,55.89655172413793,14.358620689655172,42.793103448275865,11.20814326018867,4.5038,126,4,23,2,1,38,28,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.3268722959474398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42186994826872426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35434289136194463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33166271178122675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648692512358335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221884315621635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292572321073109,0.3290961514729915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rollitupdude,2019/08/28,"Help... maybe I apologize in advance if this does not belong here... but a recent realization of my behavior is making my depression worse then ever... i don't know if im on the categorical narcissist spectrum or if i have BPD...
Hey, im a 27yo M, since last November I've made questionable decisions... that have led to me think i may be on the spectrum... i will start off with some backround for context:
Foriegn born, raised by mother and mainly ex step dad who is textbook case NPD: lack of empathy towards others, infidelity towards my mother, leaving her after 15 years of marriage without blinking or looking back... that day i told myself i would do everything to not become a divorced and remarried statistic like my parents, that i would not want my kids to go through what i did... fast forward to today and my soon to be ex wife... we had been together 6 years married through 1 of them and i had my doubts but by fear of being alone i said nothing an kept to myself... then last November (sex had become inexistant, 1-2 a month if that...) i downloaded tinder... cheated on her, and realized i wanted no part in this relationship and just left without trying to work things out... i was just done... fast forward to today and 2 weeks ago i cheated on my current GF (Who i let my ex for) with a SW and i had absolutely no problem with it... in fact it felt really good... and have no intention or guilt of telling her... but she does point out that i am severely self centered at times and even though i think i sympathize for others and think of myself doing things for THEM, i came to the sudden realrealization that I'm just trying to fulfill my ego and feel good about myself... im so lost... i love this girl or i love who she is and how she helped me through some depression after the divorce process stared... but the fact that i had sex with a SW, filmed it, enjoyed it, still jack off to it without worry, and have absolutely no qualms about how she would feel if she found out is what worries me somewhat, or am i more worried by the perception i might give off if i am indeed on this spectrum... oh i do see a therapist but i don't know what he's worth i. Still in college and its all i can afford, and skipped on my past 3 sessions, and lied about it... i feel like if i don't address this now in my late 20's that it will fuck with me till i die and fuck my future kids up as well... yet im completely unwilling to go through and really get to the root cause in therapy... how do i begin to process all of this... thank you for any insights

Edit: Also i should also mention the constant lying about everything even the smallest shit for no real reason, for example i told my current GF that I'm a recovering drug addict... I'm not. Hell i asked her to marry me 3 months into the relationship i was barely separated from my wife... promised her all kinds of shit... also cheated on her with my wife 1 month into the relationship... and i don't care... when we argue, it's very difficult for me to not lose my shit and go on a rage shitstorm where I'll start punching walls and banging my head against the ground...yet i like this person... and yet everything thats a tall tail sign of a narcissist, lovebombing, gaslighting, manipulating things in my favor, and having not guilt or remorse for betraying someone i supposedly love... what's wrong with me?",5.022527195447012,5.518387600605145,6.0253155392262805,79.89532652546649,68.60665658093797,9.07889921475398,31.471832000576327,9.107695989026183,2.57615233772783,2608,104,519,46,42,867,303,661,0.18600000000000005,0.73,0.084,-0.9975,4,1,1,0,2,0,132.0,2,1,2,4,29,37,11,4,24,0,43,13,4,11,6,119,84,55,1,15,30,10,4,3,2,8,2,1,1,5,38,39,0,1,17,1,1,9,18,22,1,0,19,8,88,15,89,53,10,83,1,4,3,7,59,35,6,20,46,372,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571738662891267,0.0,0.0,0.06156863013734901,0.0,0.0,0.07193555898277344,0.0,0.1666320223700251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047232520720711615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493206520125479,0.0,0.0,0.053407443419773534,0.0,0.0,0.15341758179062973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747750979902118,0.0,0.0,0.07943925989574467,0.07081510941718078,0.07135053362168854,0.0,0.0,0.07282338546920537,0.07505735501811626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479342997609945,0.0,0.11964485143491288,0.0,0.0720844523140932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156297909102083,0.07107769135342057,0.0,0.0,0.08054700974778126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175018044600973,0.06282700687479607,0.0,0.0,0.18726795657046394,0.0,0.0,0.07815740750221503,0.1053572531035153,0.04961944223118271,0.06668873542068036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615501409286006,0.0,0.1284220659454575,0.036287938617254385,0.06662860728960221,0.11842048409839966,0.11651294043905835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128198305684498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310990171469832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000979695303005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232782612892197,0.07634249765610752,0.11323196171539805,0.07834949111503553,0.07354396716989929,0.07546424144770457,0.07102355446566748,0.0,0.1017982068277002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832561988286944,0.07770359486143118,0.07581952339878502,0.0,0.1880604900360664,0.06572102863295633,0.04636247722135632,0.0,0.06977797464341749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368193195619195,0.0,0.0,0.1663175573120021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664498844943849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712276472953776,0.07521417347217497,0.06630369389484579,0.0,0.0606463758782786,0.0,0.0,0.06565845214219954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646009474221556,0.0,0.0,0.07780671289926408,0.0,0.0,0.07905623256057953,0.08899069535593028,0.0714124250436902,0.06857950639186154,0.22370953176929656,0.0,0.0,0.0660686437551141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055347508606460274,0.0,0.07245784625924885,0.07846560810520538,0.2138870247237465,0.057454792674680566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884991688484819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832275133872166,0.0,0.11093544115032028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607076811947534,0.06394583293278595,0.07942908832299157,0.08064387001003898,0.13843061330717876,0.1335139675701042,0.06824025255518072,0.0,0.0405004027178385,0.0,0.13167249784815915,0.13273653467348867,0.0,0.09431224733203604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057308545574346725,0.08193399898593627,0.0,0.05571348324070252,0.0,0.06244936330250814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085956715728653,0.0,0.05056485835060099,0.21160808263036648,0.07078168616779121,0.14801883364150925,0.07593932742982289,0.0,0.08945488528163265
bpd,AxReMi,2019/08/28,"Need advice from this community on how to best help my 11yo daughter that I suspect has BPD. I saw links to this sub in comments on other subs so I thought I might come here for advice from those that have been diagnosed with BPD.

First, she has an appointment with a behavioral specialist next week. I want to do everything I can to help her. I suspect I might also have BPD but I don’t like doctors due to a number of bad experiences. I know that I need help and that I’ve needed help for a long time. I do not want my daughter to walk my path nor suffer like I have. 

For background, she was never abused or neglected but rather always a very anxious child. She suffered from night terrors and separation anxiety for years (biological father and I split when she was 18months - it was ugly-he was abusive towards me, but never her that I know of). These symptoms improved as she has gotten older. She has never had the ability to reign in her emotions. Everything is a big deal, I’m not exaggerating. But what concerns me the most are her feelings of emptiness, and not wanting to live anymore. I can’t help but feel responsible for that, so I want to do for her what my mother never did for me. 

So, I’m here. I’d like to know from those of you formally/informally diagnosed, when did you realize that you have BPD? What helped you? And most importantly, what can I do to be as supportive as possible for her? I know I need to do a better job of validating her emotions regardless of how inconsequential they may seem. I’ve confused mental health issues with the onset of puberty, so I admit I was likely doing more harm than good. I am changing that now.  Any advice is appreciated.",3.496898954703834,5.479678585365857,5.0236933797909415,79.90963414634149,74.12195121951221,7.978397212543554,27.567944250871076,8.738905477910976,2.2203663763066195,1328,52,252,27,28,446,165,328,0.114,0.6779999999999999,0.20800000000000002,0.9836,1,0,0,0,1,1,37.0,0,4,1,3,13,15,0,2,10,0,35,5,0,2,4,54,58,24,0,10,10,4,2,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,19,9,0,1,13,0,0,2,10,7,0,1,12,3,48,8,43,42,4,24,0,3,1,0,32,6,0,8,20,192,67,3,0.0,0.2041160049081233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525156017943499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888355410303411,0.07167270358237668,0.0,0.0,0.05857596607564946,0.0,0.06589440309270286,0.09731004672931352,0.08542454291622592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192061572121944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039523935534448,0.07618098457536167,0.0,0.0,0.43394505041716586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112129489671388,0.07419921132985517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880324083686977,0.0,0.17485404280022435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816464714714686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378457396329216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482837253863488,0.08425830195345557,0.0,0.0,0.08710669103189811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326790346608142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224744669978758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155937220308537,0.0,0.0,0.34641401904402025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990442222825686,0.08547746582800497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935409267172945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832832460104974,0.0,0.0760603573315532,0.07622834223170141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680561749785154,0.18275502898415646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554773321115892,0.2657359883086739,0.0,0.09160744573254782,0.08083353561350838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710628034327023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841569201056564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774700038026032,0.0,0.08952909853798413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838298398929828,0.05022705075763543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107186680247897,0.2032228249439148,0.0,0.06909373148980832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546926403252826
bpd,edw1992,2019/08/28,"DAE - Has anyone ever dated someone that broke up with them because they were ""too much"" to handle or they broke up with you because of your BPD behaviors, but then came back and realized that they were wrong to judge you? Has anyone ever dated someone that broke up with them because they were ""too much"" to handle or they broke up with you because of your BPD behaviors, but then came back and realized that they were wrong to judge you? Did they want to get back together?",13.195,7.712332500000002,11.056666666666667,69.22500000000002,57.33333333333334,14.222222222222225,42.22222222222222,10.504223727775694,4.221555555555557,375,11,71,5,3,114,36,90,0.192,0.794,0.013999999999999999,-0.9617,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,9,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,17,11,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,7,0,15,0,15,4,2,15,0,4,0,0,15,4,0,2,9,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253544605960477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37173464185578337,0.0,0.3929331219673796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059162130889457,0.0,0.0,0.3686168435927522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29153208371982875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419228358329901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23692212448639102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27307745107719195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504825488292798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523763340503792,0.0,0.0
bpd,IndividualEchidna8,2019/08/28,"When my former therapist reported me to the police, the first thing they wrote was their diagnosis of me What the title says, that is all",4.996923076923078,6.799544076923077,5.818461538461538,76.50153846153847,69.76923076923077,9.815384615384616,24.538461538461537,10.125756701596842,2.512446153846154,110,3,20,3,2,36,23,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,18,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796092440104629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483949565075144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6546715643246221,0.3745958874615264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Healingbyhikin,2019/08/28,"DAE feel like like you're constantly cleaning up your own messes? I ""graduated"" college in December 2017. I never got my diploma because I owed $3,000 and I couldn't even make myself look at it. I was so panicked and didnt know what to do and couldn't afford to pay the bill. I told all my friends and family I had graduated and went on for 8 months pretending it didn't exist. I was too terrified to ask my family for help, coming from an emotionally abusive backgroun. So I just let it go unresolved  while I worked seasonally in environmental education. Finally  when visiting home I saw a  notice it had gone to collections adding nearly $2000 on it combined with late fees. I've been paying in installments since then  and I'll be done next month and can finally apply for graduation. 

 But this is just an example of how my BPD causes me to waste ridiculous amounts of money, and make  life altering mistakes. I also stop renewing my prescriptions for months at a time in periods of depression, and avoid everything that I'm anxious about, until I convince myself it doesn't exist. I feel so overwhelmed and dont know what to do and am too ashamed to go to anyone for help. 

Does anyone else struggle with this? Fixing their mistakes and playing catch up when they are well, and avoiding everything when you're unwell.",5.80565971408484,6.979668501992034,6.622418561049919,73.88069603937197,67.16733067729083,10.208671197562694,32.69299273494258,10.328600350310266,3.5642165924537146,1058,45,187,27,17,350,155,251,0.156,0.753,0.091,-0.9634,2,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,1,15,16,1,5,5,0,20,1,0,4,2,37,38,25,0,4,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,11,16,0,3,4,2,6,7,7,10,1,0,13,4,25,6,32,21,3,38,0,2,2,0,9,12,0,1,21,126,36,7,0.0,0.15418608950347015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040671538033308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470130241021162,0.0,0.18198376014904954,0.1333364328271914,0.0,0.0,0.12165660213368028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932774753337071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389770712327478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368223317609493,0.0,0.11209788516428723,0.0,0.14062732716637671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208319066431913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388009095062193,0.13317103638644956,0.15251467338729352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870925681223516,0.1463818855309513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595148763263022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339099407384935,0.0,0.24535524618851556,0.0,0.13159810829964816,0.09296689891048583,0.0,0.2851082449234553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054027910831456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147914939239793,0.0,0.1040790886766107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445054662133602,0.0,0.13053380960657965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303516813232384,0.0,0.14679546751539327,0.0,0.0,0.13306960560962575,0.09191664570618158,0.12715262644195394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927877790884433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372931009566486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116122802353251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036643842822854,0.0,0.1383977100008465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815705625261152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764719759693747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879684845002648,0.0,0.13604305828160276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588148266078386,0.0,0.0,0.12434746790607247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700501626195113,0.1206344101086642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947382288741078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lunchmeatangel27,2019/08/28,Rage so intense That it's makes me wanna skin myself alive. Even the smallest mention of my trigger tips me off and I'm fuming like a chimney. It makes me want to cause carnage and pain wherever I go. I'm not going to obviously as I have learned to control and contain my anger but it's like in a constantly simmering pot of water ready to boil over onto the stove top.  One of my biggest triggers is anything in regards to open/poly/hookups and casual sex or anything to do with someone having multiple partners. It's all due to trauma from the past and I'm aware that it is misplaced and cruel to automatically judge another person for their sexuality and their lifestyle but my rage is so strong that it eats away at me like the enzymes in a pineapple. Every time I hear or see someone who has an open sexual lifestyle I immediately think go into an inner rage that usually ends in some firm of self harm or me breaking something of mine. Just last night my family was talking about a neighbor of ours who has 2 girlfriends and is rather promiscuous and I went up to my room and ripped a pillow of mine to absolute shreds and then drank myself half to death. (It was also my birthday yesterday so I am kind of upset that my family would bring up one of my biggest triggers on my birthday) and one time an acquaintance of mine who herself was poly gave me a graphic novel about a poly couple and I guess she did it to help me understand and educate me about it but I couldn't get passed the first chapter and I destroyed the book. Tore it to shreds and dumped it in my fire pit. I offered to pay her back for ruining the book but she declined. I guess the point of this post is to illustrate how severe and over the top this illness can make people. One mention of a trigger and I morph into a raging beast. I'm going to be started dbt and proper trauma counseling soon and I'm hoping to make some proper steps towards recovery. I wanted to share this here because I'm hoping that you guys will understand. I'm not a mean or close minded person. I hate what bpd has done to me. I want to be a calmer and more accepting person.,4.19834459203036,5.477459327058828,5.3327741935483886,81.24767741935486,71.02352941176471,7.930929791271348,29.239089184060717,8.360895534625662,2.1222933586337747,1694,66,324,26,31,561,220,425,0.16699999999999998,0.723,0.11,-0.987,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,2,5,14,26,10,1,23,0,23,8,1,11,2,71,58,36,1,9,12,0,2,3,3,2,2,1,4,6,24,26,4,2,6,4,1,8,3,16,0,6,8,4,48,10,58,45,4,51,0,1,1,1,27,26,0,10,18,229,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388439418666199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999142310689933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726390901298482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985521886328558,0.08065768462638608,0.0,0.06394294261765705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321114239042331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775593195033548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335409602663185,0.11764852247142316,0.0,0.11606418481142874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734387654723868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733364485869644,0.0,0.0,0.09290572540703268,0.0,0.0,0.06928207610185252,0.0,0.08837845684228432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977711067791709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892235276708575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054803243168320366,0.0,0.238456700617286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311070630365684,0.10386241847557907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356197328431922,0.0,0.0,0.11822414842271757,0.0,0.07030882408160201,0.0,0.0,0.20836855930990328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923187136605704,0.0,0.08550332381465567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537390134424652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800725761633188,0.0,0.0,0.11426127060591802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591392227261016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984367350552612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843179298555799,0.0,0.11161554336592633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013402794253408,0.07272089930240694,0.2747704783887334,0.0,0.0,0.09915956254107937,0.0,0.10046029528307447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358763513445466,0.0,0.10942823206028766,0.1185013523831037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775417553987252,0.0807532000011572,0.0,0.0,0.07424513289978052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431052772716781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721240086857708,0.0,0.0,0.12233009110664893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839852980611227,0.0,0.0,0.11552688612902005,0.0,0.18560914623202648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972386006554428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451431010458569,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,desir33_,2019/08/28,"The Future and Motivation DAE struggle with the future? I mean like the if you’re going to college, what’s your “passion”, etc. everyone always asks me that and I literally have no answer. I went to college (didn’t finish) but took classes for about 3 different degrees and still had no idea. I have two kids so I generally don’t have a lot of “free time”. 
I’m about to go back and finish college with a degree I’m not even fully sure I want just so I can get a good job. I hate this. I see everyone I went to school with graduating and getting good jobs and I’m over struggling to even try and figure out what I wanna do.",0.5781395348837215,2.865231155038764,3.0399689922480637,88.58506976744191,86.28682170542635,5.610542635658915,21.0031007751938,7.0316486544052195,0.6360207751937987,485,16,102,7,15,167,82,129,0.133,0.713,0.154,0.4,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,9,9,1,2,6,0,8,1,0,1,1,25,23,11,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,5,0,1,5,5,3,0,1,5,1,13,7,15,18,2,14,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,2,8,68,17,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541668786072214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214439327811596,0.0,0.0,0.1251406843514308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003364871400178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150344087985432,0.21498277459448567,0.0,0.0,0.3110192086320284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005485308756174,0.0,0.18498320923577236,0.2730051874556306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067676960497168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371903869413653,0.0,0.0,0.3229981493820095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950887524572017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835978569863286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772767674242284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470639821215607,0.1296865129776046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996818547617556,0.0,0.0,0.34027234361206243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338502199535384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489778555365924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081543030921968,0.11049301762198488,0.0,0.15897799490859713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599108334170267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30173206899660593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisismebutnotreally,2019/08/28,"A rant about the validation I seek My Dad used to be a part of a scam group that involved getting money off people. His name comes up when I search for this company with dozens of posts naming him as someone who was particularly involved in the management of this group. 

Things blew up over 3 years ago, and a part of me believes that it would be unfair to go looking for validation about who my father is at this point, but another part of me really wants to go out there and ask right up front what they thought about him. 

I've even tried to think of ways to make sure no one realises that I'm asking for 'reviews' on him specifically by asking about all the manager type people who were involved. 

Wish that I could just let it go.",9.479885844748855,6.381865527397263,9.013698630136986,73.77913242009134,61.534246575342465,12.473059360730595,36.662100456621005,10.504223727775694,3.430245662100456,581,18,120,10,6,187,97,146,0.061,0.894,0.045,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,2,2,19,24,5,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,3,1,12,1,30,16,4,21,0,0,1,0,20,11,0,0,3,85,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741392796120208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254968132539807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347621561515621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465197805219787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353410994361292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376910073789855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023877960099936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099040326036107,0.0,0.264300567264965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585162050076751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017591119044786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347558636250406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504407431887856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036075185744823,0.0,0.2149396502637148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654192878069322,0.0,0.14846420314289802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930837322169804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238435564226425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134608032202444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461024435345761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298693930216422,0.0993291479798738,0.0,0.12306681888713147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524691171325684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338856086345478,0.0,0.0,0.09143351581081184,0.1230459154985342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826282158423892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101201986441299,0.0,0.0,0.09982638183150863
bpd,zinolieexh,2019/08/28,"Professional Hacking Service Contact Jack, He is always ready to render his services, hire him and he won't disappoint you. He can help hack into any device, social networks including- Facebook, hangouts, I messages, Twitter account, Snapchat, Instagram, tracking, surveillance footage, Grades hacking, Credit card topups , etc. He is specialized in exposing cheating spouse, this service is for serious issues alone.
Tel:- +14434570879
Contact via gmail-: jackadamsxx2@gmail.com",10.717436974789912,15.221995029411762,7.460336134453787,58.87794117647064,61.941176470588246,9.17983193277311,49.42016806722689,9.606745405546679,6.728934453781513,394,27,36,9,7,111,60,68,0.11699999999999999,0.753,0.131,0.2635,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,0,0,16,5,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42110328191245583,0.0,0.0,0.3383143771326768,0.0,0.0,0.27649426472452626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534538875434734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725278412029514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243729772613847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144659860273333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nutthefunkind,2019/08/28,"DAE feel extreme envy over your friends' relationships? my boyfriend and i have been together for around a year and we've been long-distance for most of it, but usually we've usually visited each other once a month or so. now we're kind of breaking up as our relationship's not feasible anymore (it probably never was but i didn't want to acknowledge it; mainly due to age difference -i'm 20, he's 26- and being in different stages of our lives), plus he's dealing with addiction which made me feel awful (as if he preferred spending money on weed and coke over coming to visit me; every time we talk on the phone he's high; etc). i now understand that what he did to me because of his addiction wasn't a personal attack or was meant to hurt me, the same way that what i do to him due to my bpd is not personal towards him.
my best friend (and pretty much my only one) has been dating a guy she met while studying abroad for around a year as well. he's the same age as her and he'll be moving to where we live.
i can't help but feel extremely jealous about her and about their relationship, because theirs is working and mine's not. i've already been through a great deal while dating my boyfriend because of my poor mental health. after we had our first conversation about us breaking up in the near future i became suicidal (hadn't happened in a while) and i ended up in a psychiatric ward. i'm afraid i'll start feeling the same ugly shit all over again. and i'm scared my best friend will never have time to hang up with me now that her boyfriend's moving close. and i hate the fact that they're getting things done in their relationship and everything's fine with them. i also really hate myself for feeling like this and typing it down right now, because i wouldn't want a friend who thinks the toxic things i think about my best friend and her boyfriend.
has anyone gone through this? how do you deal with it?",6.0814531138153205,6.0255808162729725,6.1541171558100745,81.78617931281319,66.29658792650919,9.446957766642807,30.704008589835357,9.095868883498916,2.3407574803149607,1525,51,307,24,22,484,196,381,0.127,0.727,0.146,0.8492,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,7,2,4,5,16,21,5,2,16,1,25,5,1,2,4,60,49,31,1,5,9,0,5,1,5,3,3,0,0,3,18,27,1,0,11,0,3,7,10,8,1,2,16,5,47,13,53,28,12,62,0,1,0,0,51,23,1,4,29,211,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008536906645792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114760325143334,0.06605261702499053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191381369986253,0.0577535907084074,0.0,0.0,0.14705729569949036,0.0,0.09396576401178404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014009276040819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26004068186246165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402775596560257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114981439831637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554609674524935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259211550863768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845251853613555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315623316160777,0.0,0.0921172458230363,0.0,0.0,0.06959135152210791,0.0,0.07423266212861213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088170746256076,0.05900715783329887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025678089475765,0.0,0.0,0.31907034586904426,0.0,0.043153409735181385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910632441622091,0.0,0.0817838004002365,0.07304006187536449,0.0,0.0,0.16309444506399293,0.0,0.08779651726641348,0.0,0.0,0.05536288216143448,0.08726803545867103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842156384119394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601183850967623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040352615744465824,0.0,0.14586894416308066,0.07309555323392794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815507259117316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323812966484043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659279636735524,0.1755746162291019,0.060718138754220635,0.0,0.12740746099755226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796287756347734,0.0559697173597602,0.0628185749507927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442406489292718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403062175604475,0.08905330135700623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291361380179335,0.0,0.0,0.3547121331573159,0.0,0.0705372008482716,0.0,0.0,0.08269378828393688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478441016169116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058462427689303126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903474739194997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663881649636202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974726412440718,0.10584936606976583,0.0,0.0,0.09632569605878456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859861633857867,0.09935375932519963,0.0,0.1819373732041136,0.0,0.09743544450885,0.06556148128660495,0.0,0.0,0.07426442683114952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013144129293036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637923961700134
bpd,SoulsRedditAcc,2019/08/28,I fucking hate myself No matter what i do i fuck up i cant read emotions my mood always fucking changes for the worse. Ill probably feel fine after writing this like after i got done writting my suicide note but then the demons are gonna catch me again i need to stop acting confident becuase i had a breakdown in second period. Im fucking useless and need to die,1.4655555555555535,4.0708531506849335,3.0911415525114165,87.34742770167429,85.98630136986301,4.888280060882801,25.9193302891933,6.42735559955562,1.2119996955859973,292,13,53,3,9,96,59,73,0.306,0.589,0.10400000000000001,-0.95,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,3,0,5,5,0,0,0,8,15,3,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,3,1,11,2,7,11,0,10,1,1,0,4,1,2,4,0,7,34,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333470350136627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949425100113528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125227512796225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885811675859409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072888192200568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317688586290047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6814510341753691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738457097352028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819371394777835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905269996318853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002930144081439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732807541271741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868368789126514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843286439783461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406530779589486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157107076832526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779581563577807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDyeahyouknowme,2019/08/28,"So...I've missed almost the entire first week of classes at my new university because I'm so overwhelmed by everything being so...much, and I want to explain why to my professors so they know I want to be here but don't even know how to start. Advice please! Throwaway since I've posted on my university's sub about one of the causes of my shutting down and would prefer not to be the BPD crazy who lost their shit because their assigned student housing was too dirty. So big wall of text of background here, feel free to skip it if you don't want to know the details of why I'm being a little bitch about things. 

It wasn't just that, though that was a big part of it. Before this place the only college I'd ever attended was **tiny**, like everyone knows each other and walking to class takes 2 minutes if you're dragging your feet **tiny**. Since I was BPD as all fuck during my early adulthood it took me like 10 years, 2 failed enrollments and actually getting myself into treatment 2.5 years before the 3rd and final try before I got my AA at 29. I even managed to get into a really good school for my BA. I was so proud of myself until I rocked up on move-in day and saw how fucking *massive* this place is, how many students are living in the duplexes designated as non-trad/grad student housing where I've been put, and then finally when I unlocked the door and was hit with a wave of stench that was combined with about 50 air fresheners like a fucking sledgehammer because my housemate apparently thinks that's a replacement for cleaning literally anything. To give you some idea of the scale of this atrocity I'm paying way too much money to live in, when I tried to go to the bathroom and lifted the lid to the toilet I had a complete breakdown and sobbed in my dusty-ass room for two hours. First day of classes was even worse, I'm used to being with 15 students max but suddenly I'm one of fucking 75 in a huge lecture hall.

 I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I've shut myself in my apartment/townhouse/whatever the fuck for two days now obsessively scrubbing the fuck out of anything and everything and have organised my now clean room with absolute precision. Probably because I need to feel like I have  control over something. I'm not even going to pretend it's not unhealthy for me to isolate myself like this (housemate isn't here until Sunday so I'm all by myself, which is good...for them, since if they'd been here on move-in day I would've torn them seven new assholes. Not a good first impression). I've graduated from BPD as fuck to high-functioning/self-aware, which is super awesome in this situation because I know full good and well what it is I'm doing and that it's a one-way ticket to losing everything I've worked so hard to achieve because I can't stop thinking of how I shouldn't even be here because I'm never going to be good enough and should just give up and go back to the tiny college town where I belong. Is that statement accurate? Nope, but that doesn't matter because my brain has decided it is now.

Anyway. I want to explain to my professors why it is that I've missed almost every one of their classes in the literal first week of being in them, but I don't even know where to begin or how to do it without word-vomiting like I did above. I'm used to my professors knowing me by sight and remembering my name but here they're not going to know who the fuck I am even after they've seen me all semester, so I'm being a coward and emailing them rather than being an adult and going to their office hours to give them my excuses to their faces. Shot in the dark here, I know, but has anyone ever had to do this or something like this? Halp.",4.802592695151329,5.591905644504749,5.502241298147485,82.40357821283196,69.21709633649932,8.18728989560546,29.42344861961067,8.290611406555254,2.01310807188547,2928,106,573,40,49,951,316,737,0.11599999999999999,0.773,0.111,-0.7733,1,0,2,0,0,0,75.0,0,3,12,12,49,35,10,2,30,0,51,12,4,9,7,100,114,51,0,14,21,0,3,7,0,3,0,0,6,1,33,28,0,2,20,3,3,10,17,19,2,10,19,7,63,17,96,79,9,88,0,7,3,8,27,39,11,8,44,375,96,22,0.0,0.0,0.051875388722330384,0.0,0.0,0.05194623238768687,0.0,0.0,0.10646185876007247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052719314684786654,0.037169917810065414,0.0,0.08749044092790534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04087588961966138,0.0,0.2592412293016055,0.0,0.13570284874039618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008552070154193,0.059342879455425386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460880262889105,0.0,0.0,0.05573606365638525,0.0,0.05962219273630065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371322933395591,0.05480446062554911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492732282503725,0.0,0.2457765253161885,0.09617048237875606,0.0447886405786985,0.050795578222726366,0.14332729357420876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053757443691148564,0.037976707248264484,0.0,0.11646588708901535,0.0,0.18086763018028304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39315614874550414,0.05554663089882192,0.1529844955697616,0.18126846472193764,0.22293568965734467,0.04251600438069455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761990592670292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616526462955439,0.0,0.0,0.10470155754265248,0.12267639713949675,0.0,0.06000989354990659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629325218451158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179517058100766,0.0532791529340044,0.09388051200067524,0.0,0.0,0.05947117785890482,0.05802918602759082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389475042155704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299893174987413,0.07815577176731227,0.03941662842618013,0.040999397574934975,0.10268233552565782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440873039128303,0.04042971595749612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057565875762261375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107940942600973,0.0583524757951672,0.0,0.0,0.05091150285519338,0.0,0.057314252699322527,0.0,0.0,0.05343934678575688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03405493324175059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060218636846857077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053799614313001856,0.0,0.0,0.05545629478071746,0.0,0.0545668159958437,0.1319206994256493,0.05975279698983079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184859024832232,0.0,0.0,0.03762612169275825,0.0,0.0,0.04444319549798848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996885443030308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03531639104466898,0.06812411468795437,0.05222831973324985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906146038082405,0.07218276638756313,0.0,0.10385698313091583,0.0,0.0,0.09182439136128084,0.0,0.0,0.1254179149645123,0.08439007310326409,0.0852816778131211,0.0,0.04779620812604474,0.0,0.14390283514093996,0.0,0.0,0.05124325356450488,0.0,0.03870029037577443,0.0,0.05417342987470069,0.07552507188940205,0.0,0.0,0.06846513861320105
bpd,dmarin2266,2019/08/28,"Splitting I hate everything. I hate my life I hate my boyfriend and I hate myself. I’m so full of anger and resentment and a deep empty loneliness I just want to go to the parking garage next door, walk to the top and throw myself off so I don’t have to feel like this anymore. 

This is how it always goes. Something tiny will happen and I spiral into despair and want to die. My boyfriends getting surgery today. A cochlear implant. When we were checking in they listed his mother and his ex Amanda as his emergency contact. He said yeah that’s fine. Then they ask me if I’m Amanda. I sure THE FUCK am not, thank you. Then I spend the following two hours in pre-op disassociating, staring at the same wheel on the hospital bed. 

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” 
“You’re not being yourself today” 
“You look miserable. Don’t know why. You won’t talk to me.”

I CANT STAND YOU. I hate her and I hate you. But what am I supposed to say? I’m angry as fuck for all the ways you’ve ever done me wrong? I’m mad as fuck she’ll never fucking go away because of the kids? That I’m PISSED no one will ever love me the way that I love them.

I’m nothing to anyone unless they’re benefiting from me. I’m just money towards the rent. A ride to the hospital. I’m important to no one. 

But at the same time I’ll never leave him. I’ll never even tell him how I feel. GOD FORBID I admit I’m upset or that I have feelings. What’s the fucking point anyway. Nothing never changes. LIFE never changes. ILL never change.",-0.327920666290229,1.944300321428571,1.6946809712027109,94.83826369282892,96.11038961038959,4.106832298136647,18.383963862224725,5.922688038783598,-0.1814285149632973,1161,36,248,11,46,383,166,308,0.262,0.645,0.09300000000000001,-0.9963,1,0,1,0,0,2,38.0,1,5,3,1,11,29,15,2,16,1,15,11,1,2,10,41,53,23,1,3,9,2,3,1,0,4,3,2,3,1,11,10,0,1,5,0,4,6,14,22,0,3,3,7,43,7,27,45,4,38,0,2,2,7,29,13,6,2,17,153,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890594886448173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212693105949108,0.057903849769790385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741773889804504,0.0,0.0778042961912208,0.0,0.0,0.0504812294458149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628113203265097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594544606835025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847450967964686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469633140114904,0.14981580514659648,0.0,0.0,0.07442579523078965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561621575568754,0.059160678333793376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38279030319217466,0.043265683115290735,0.0,0.09412756845373248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323009215757083,0.0,0.0,0.4905563167294814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155282034240993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551113176553434,0.0,0.0,0.08768560849309984,0.0,0.0,0.11698467247747073,0.04045760222395115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954095171874114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948154269157848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832168211878162,0.0,0.08807115757811082,0.0,0.0,0.15892007434693914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223067054029597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828380151839619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877286816194681,0.06585516907657467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063752474485222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804902519148715,0.0,0.0,0.06656088882774733,0.07238105545040256,0.07624186574482719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048288154599073235,0.0,0.15699157306743405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089497506405198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768894491043116,0.1314641086914051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472465762973789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27162470521305243,0.0,0.0
bpd,akathewilyfox,2019/08/28,"Having a rough time of it. 40, M. Diagnosed Emotionally Unstable, Avoidant and Dependant Personality Disorders plus Fibromyalgia.

I'm currently suspended from work. The short story of that is, co-worker overstepped their bounds with me and started screaming in my face. I did not react well to this at all. Suffice to say I went to full red mist rage, nothing physical happened, but I scarcely remember everything that happened.

I was suspended last Wednesday and still nothing from work. And I am freaking out big time. I have seen my doctor, who has given me some stuff to sleep and a short course of fluoxetine. I'm currently waiting for an appointment to see my local mental health team for next week.

Only I'm really really struggling right now and I'm swinging from intense rage to extreme paranoia. I'm shaking with adrenaline when I'm angry. Then  I dry heave and feel sick after, temperature regulation is out of the window with palpitations and a high heart rate (phone measured 100bpm at rest).

I have practical things I should be doing. Job hunting, straightening the house or the garden. I have a wealth of distractions that I'm just interested in. I spent the entire day yesterday, curtains closed, in the dark on my phone. As soon as I got up to do anything all the instability came flooding back.

I am spiralling and I can't put the brakes on everything. There is no immediate help and I feel like I'm fast tracking towards the black pit of despair that I won't come back from.

Any advice to help with racing thoughts and mood swings would be greatly appreciated.",5.567952898550722,7.72400026388889,6.010144927536235,74.2754347826087,68.93055555555556,9.314251207729473,33.007850241545896,9.761364909221204,3.551412560386473,1268,59,212,31,23,408,183,288,0.157,0.763,0.08,-0.9673,3,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,3,9,15,2,4,14,0,20,7,3,2,2,40,43,18,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,3,4,2,3,1,9,21,0,4,4,2,2,5,4,9,1,0,9,9,23,5,39,29,5,44,0,1,4,0,9,19,0,3,21,135,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868928486295667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955604086480816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837246281239156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252822048893213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062218778371908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344221951732222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493136051609075,0.0,0.0,0.13366604813798785,0.0,0.0,0.1509320675315527,0.13479379465196012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481373709006609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367151066735179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317629915955922,0.0940818048314792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532725757948948,0.14519245934186562,0.0,0.0,0.232912110956117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399839461117207,0.0,0.15605733556803145,0.17654264552565602,0.13914132762069836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195652400373144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068539770776938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734771335356544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064338752421119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271599170712106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005744511237728,0.0,0.0,0.252726774601102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015877946551346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498961379962967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238826003929224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873235280006274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918297160432828,0.1124654602466036,0.0,0.10472789255810903,0.0,0.0,0.10494260452104026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178852639021815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321327977494258,0.0,0.10517053451116257,0.0,0.0,0.13767455522261876,0.1507574573553788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749125583468245,0.0,0.0,0.10454986437089192,0.15358298331299758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563651707958194,0.0,0.11840819940503927,0.12208111877252092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876231324311225,0.0,0.0,0.09355122637319853,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miiraheart,2019/08/28,"I have not worked nor got out of house in a almost a week I have been having a really tough month, I just feel really depressed at some times if not most of the time, I don’t want to interact with people, I have not left the house for a week, I have a pile of remote work to do but never got the motivation to do it. The only thing I have been doing is just staying in bed and binge watch series after series. That seemed the only solution to escape my intrusive thoughts, I’m starting to have suicidal thoughts which I never had before and I always promised myself I would never go there nor think of it... I’m neglecting my health and I’m not eating very well, sometimes I do not eat at all and other times I just have this big craving for food that I cannot fill. I’m also single and I have been really sexually frustrated, These sexual thoughts are always invading my mind and I sometimes cannot handle it... I cannot get therapy nor are there any resources to help around me. I have been avoiding most people and my family as well and my best friend is struggling too if not more than I do so I do not want to tell him what’s happening with me. I dwell on every thing that happens to me, and I keep thinking about it for the rest of the day, sleep is when my thoughts stop hurting my head. I start splitting whenever I talk to anyone, and I started to avoid everyone in my life. My family does not want to acknowledge my mental state and I’ve been getting more depressed. I’m starting to hate my job and I don’t have any motivation to do anything, not even cooking which something I used to like, if I did it’s only because I need food in my system. All I’ve been doing, since I wake up is watching series, episodes after episodes, non stop and if I had the slightest motivation to do some work I’d find myself lacking motivation after literally 5 minutes. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD but then BPD two years ago when I had been hospitalized for a panic attack and I had some counseling for some time but I didn’t see any progress so I stopped going and it might be the fact that I’m in a different country since. I just feel like my mental health is getting worse and it scares me. Now I’m out of groceries and I don’t want to go out. I’ve been living off pasta these couple days. The thought of going alone is not pleasant for me and my best friend does not want to go out, so I’m just alone, sorry for this being long, I never talked about this to anyone... can someone advise me what to do, because I cannot go nor afford a therapist/counsling...

PS: I hope the flair is correct, I don’t want anyone to get mad, sorry, this is my first post here",3.383272840772282,4.630215336380257,4.6921469657109744,85.18482231239135,72.96709323583181,7.603495786328978,25.772907655950426,8.096554002634818,1.4761680028537032,2107,68,433,31,41,699,227,547,0.179,0.7240000000000001,0.096,-0.9940000000000001,3,4,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,0,11,22,27,4,6,19,0,60,13,3,5,8,101,108,38,1,14,23,0,2,2,2,2,4,0,1,0,24,27,6,7,16,1,0,7,28,16,2,2,22,5,65,11,59,82,15,59,0,5,3,0,9,17,0,14,33,309,89,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584706354477894,0.0,0.06605062673653639,0.13663184760263705,0.0,0.05274915820058847,0.10977002650808762,0.0,0.0,0.1345676602279428,0.0,0.05046014739702909,0.0,0.0,0.13836484140108551,0.0,0.05428045803490466,0.05871946415437465,0.0,0.07504040225115471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041868642323112,0.0,0.05612813398544037,0.0,0.13844444710860526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830758386848726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298482757611502,0.0,0.08507905109292932,0.0,0.17043688829480586,0.06694924271681299,0.0,0.06891542845073725,0.0,0.0,0.1154462039925511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498957625654293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356675908786526,0.0,0.05557516683167271,0.06302876572194749,0.0,0.0,0.12436472242722275,0.0,0.06670394240544837,0.04712270374295925,0.0,0.0,0.06028735368886304,0.056106574076838174,0.15952112115735895,0.0,0.10192293907140683,0.0,0.13784804536387554,0.0,0.22492366452921708,0.0,0.1055104154064007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166585656216072,0.0,0.0,0.06512304183998363,0.06769523434278804,0.1402273698555975,0.0,0.0,0.04421241066753121,0.0,0.0,0.06551436775360565,0.0,0.15222076734739295,0.07061284275289079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545632591492878,0.05862935684419592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166705091845138,0.0,0.04659035544284895,0.06445063367911849,0.0,0.05824495953960464,0.058373597821827626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329467769112179,0.06997442322313174,0.06660202169632026,0.0,0.052649610905547074,0.0,0.0,0.048909403643942174,0.2034934153646777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504994244252821,0.0,0.07739127131178912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145839959828099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317260868538671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676932623303758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603868123415935,0.0,0.0525625467295977,0.06004861098030587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912759402687,0.0,0.06600884939368756,0.0,0.05588872171803082,0.050780164336480436,0.1304746525508603,0.14767635524663747,0.18675074423208787,0.07030587663350651,0.0,0.16543958283306714,0.0,0.06895698153665136,0.0,0.0721508610779213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603424887731068,0.0576530075153607,0.0,0.07543239563594872,0.07658605224668613,0.08764339791699499,0.08453056377968515,0.0,0.26182917589330074,0.15385005497251478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443452055653558,0.0,0.0,0.056969309664056327,0.0,0.05442490873754125,0.2334337945216059,0.0,0.10582021269034217,0.0,0.1186141042105938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406164596279916,0.0,0.06722011126549578,0.0468569531916519,0.0,0.0,0.04247685854515404
bpd,TheRealKitKatty,2019/08/28,"Long distance relationship and BPD - Do Not Recommend. Im in a long distance relationship with a guy from California. I’m British. I flew back to England today. I’m currently on the train back to my home town Leicester just been to California for three months to see my boyfriend and spend time with him. Saying goodbye at the airport felt like I was dying. Sobbing and hyperventilating in the airplane bathroom. It feels like my heart is dead without him. My home country feels like a prison. I’m so desperate to get back to him. I’m literally attached to him to the extent that I seriously feel I can’t live without him. I’m already majorly depressed.. can’t eat.. can’t even sleep. How do I get passed this? This is the second time I’ve visited him and this feeling has only gotten worse. I just want to die. I need him.. his warmth, his constant reassurance. I feel so lonely. It’s like I keep telling myself that I have something to live for.. but he’s not here. Any advice would be much appreciated.",1.5777795400475796,4.298847618556703,3.2560824742268046,85.0079302141158,88.27835051546394,5.871213322759715,25.502775574940518,7.321109707123232,1.5468475812846951,794,35,152,14,26,262,113,194,0.095,0.81,0.095,-0.0092,1,2,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,8,0,13,3,2,1,0,24,32,8,3,3,7,0,6,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,7,6,1,1,6,0,1,3,7,4,0,2,5,8,24,5,21,25,3,19,0,3,1,0,17,5,1,0,15,93,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164032137651913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373666692993046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465060322314127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715208714917195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677808128707954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451855377752292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721435879312842,0.0,0.2583809747304894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737401809167884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221780250213342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147038979732358,0.17785693638085148,0.11952022876207842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007122409742214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325467552481098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475092854224328,0.0,0.0,0.2497269860867546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445965702842694,0.0,0.0,0.11064345805758673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24325837321431845,0.0,0.2198360713733142,0.2203215955253721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935867165414494,0.0,0.09150705217900676,0.09230027143365828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946725761654454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26728966288592826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899141580761804,0.0,0.0,0.09919436690958547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456980175867376,0.0,0.0,0.09583071152991753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880092264820798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517046596421956,0.0,0.11799239380693075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342147246020682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399883704921913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685565664987292,0.0884269521998019,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittenkinesis,2019/08/28,"Ruined a chance with someone great I was seeing with two texts... ""I'm actually having a really bad night, I'll talk to you tomorrow.""
Followed by
""Is it ok if I talk to you on the phone for a second?"" 

POOF",1.0324418604651164,2.7784433488372144,3.969941860465117,85.7470058139535,80.62790697674419,7.090697674418602,20.05232558139535,8.07648339933343,0.89333023255814,156,4,34,3,4,56,34,43,0.149,0.6709999999999999,0.18,0.1045,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,4,2,7,5,0,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.3244335809133735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775907084057683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665389776550571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119917451885273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298276912248051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26492804893559435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816927817145668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344384628075679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32476569111007514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deiterrc,2019/08/28,"Im sick to death of my best friend Ive known my best friend for about 5 years now.

Hes always been super kind, but very very clingy.  He's also had a huge crush on me thats always been very obvious. I used to share the feelings 5 years ago, but they died because he got incredibly demanding with me speaking to him everyday, and would freak out if i didnt.

Ive found myself splitting more and more where he's concerned and its becoming harder to hide. Im just sick to death of him. I'm sick of being forced to interact with somebody whose weird obsession with me makes him ill. I cannot spare the emotional energy anymore to even pretend to care when hes upset. Infact most of our conversations just devolve into me repeating over and over how i do not have feelings for him, and im sick of him trying to rule my life.

I've tried explaining to him over and over that he cant expect me to be sociable all the time, and spend every waking moment with him. Since i have other friends and irl commitments. But he still freaks out.

And yet if i told him this, im totally sure he'd do something stupid. I care about his wellbeing.  I just dont care about him as a 3D person anymore.

Does anyone else find this happen?  How do you deal with it. Im getting tired of just exploding with anger every time he does this, and im sick of being called a horrible person because i cant articulate my emotions correctly.",3.619709639953541,4.775160216027878,4.8291986062717775,84.78145180023229,72.27526132404182,8.254123112659698,25.861788617886177,8.704169506293173,1.7196485481997676,1110,35,230,20,21,367,153,287,0.24100000000000002,0.618,0.141,-0.9892,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,1,3,16,19,2,2,6,0,22,9,1,4,6,48,36,20,3,4,10,0,2,0,3,1,8,1,0,2,9,19,0,0,6,1,1,0,6,7,0,0,7,3,37,12,38,24,7,22,0,0,0,0,36,10,0,3,12,143,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185497429707939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738452892744299,0.15367068665488465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831554763666528,0.06456717090990967,0.09461455505502063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258077597012577,0.10198369028332573,0.0,0.0,0.1938129553896732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429077255697567,0.0,0.2824442714540042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519980630350007,0.0,0.0,0.09583567115633737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161695504307924,0.0,0.10822329393349292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771392915316846,0.20774302527765695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099054539143181,0.0,0.1556030242436661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338105271640704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439825818290109,0.0,0.0,0.1012474486968208,0.2140279345541527,0.0,0.04824450822087509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385375817299776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165709007060079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.598466577729014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615923458974412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522337782136035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163852229352934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125769008188806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076385662099977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108882971309018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374386650910808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703056478845307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768988740189556,0.10613271887552984,0.0,0.08823605145788961,0.0,0.1253873370910117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975321873212153,0.0,0.22857368344202375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559659681767878,0.0,0.0,0.11892951522782585
bpd,suntias,2019/08/28,"Does anyone else take out their anger more on weaker people? Whenever im dating someone and i can sense that they are ”weaker” and more sensitive than me, i will take advantage of that and manipulate them into feeling bad or i will display my emotions more heavily since they won’t react the same way as ”stronger” people. I feel very bad about this obviously",5.515970149253732,7.265773432835822,6.0151044776119456,75.80414925373138,68.40298507462686,8.942089552238807,29.817910447761196,9.3871,2.8362262686567163,288,11,49,6,5,93,52,67,0.22399999999999998,0.696,0.08,-0.9179,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,4,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,12,9,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,10,1,7,6,4,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403206591768575,0.2550207210578075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156312178587978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780830859631176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791851461816654,0.2799715967074516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516959825370081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26884760329722096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451027168413871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058872085366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088658658364695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742737524690077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536313724784494,0.0,0.1975600112993596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jigoflife,2019/08/28,"DAE need validation for their illness? for some reason, i spend a lot of my time analysing my behaviour, feelings, and symptoms often to the point where i convince myself that perhaps i’ve been fine this entire time, i’ve just been lying to myself or making it up for attention. maybe i’m not actually mentally ill and instead i’m just a bit of a shitty person who can’t control their emotions. it becomes a huge rabbit hole and in a weird way it’s a big weight off my shoulders when my family/friends can identify my habits/traits as being bpd themselves. if someone close to me i’ve ever spoken to me ever points something out as being related to my bpd, it definitely makes me feel better and sometimes even secure. i hope this made sense.",4.57691287878788,6.234274229166669,5.576565656565659,78.3977272727273,70.59722222222223,7.736363636363637,29.75757575757576,8.296473431620573,2.3231750000000004,595,24,104,9,11,196,99,144,0.079,0.7879999999999999,0.134,0.7124,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,2,9,6,0,0,7,0,6,5,1,5,2,26,15,9,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,6,1,2,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,16,5,16,10,3,16,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,6,5,71,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.15926994801209385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802532235810997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434646343169716,0.17818364341588275,0.0,0.4111159346427365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305450371285548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358989500554485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779902535623813,0.2952665629312008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650483104383313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609606180691535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210489691063448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875576845581533,0.0,0.15443376345643425,0.2178886115871551,0.0,0.16396692892215106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644778413099163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101855070143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250915211907528,0.0,0.0,0.3085734376944711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780762240713426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828776470287932,0.12564745088938448,0.1614194017772843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963824792001364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903387619858574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954893338570705,0.0,0.19874647400457354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,evafoeva,2019/08/28,"Whats your experience with Lamotrogine for managing BPD symptoms Hi all what are your experiencing with taking (or people who have lived with those taking) lamotrogine.. 

Thanks for your time",6.298870967741937,10.160082677419355,4.942177419354842,73.43326612903226,77.06451612903227,6.970967741935485,27.10483870967742,8.07648339933343,2.483058064516129,157,6,22,3,4,46,23,31,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,16,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43630841492316974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388687681455419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058983980936505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016651526987254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600667783633549,0.5209348898216525,0.0,0.0,0.3189403204543193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200239529186825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marlborough666,2019/08/28,"this is my first post on here HELLO!! DAE go through these phases where you feel like you don't need anyone so you isolate yourself from everyone (feeling happy while doing it) and not even think about the consequences of not having seen your friends in months??? i used to feel depressed because of it, i didn't enjoy going out and whenever i went out i had these obsessive thoughts with me that i had to analyze and go through every 30 mins or so. i haven't left my house in days and i feel fine. told every friend of mine i was on a trip outside town",2.620540540540542,4.629306234234235,3.3029639639639647,91.1522837837838,76.74774774774775,6.241801801801803,24.613513513513517,7.1686216300943375,0.9538929729729736,436,15,90,5,10,137,80,111,0.086,0.78,0.134,0.7592,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,1,6,8,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,18,23,8,0,1,3,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,8,5,16,6,16,15,0,20,0,1,1,0,8,9,0,1,6,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615521771605962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870165477935488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558056592268105,0.0,0.16771508858496015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861305318732966,0.0,0.3281259399259515,0.18606667486511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938322644149139,0.1391105266885015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563173270130013,0.0,0.0,0.3008858280544208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319976036184281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728681549801029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468480622557213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115676819789234,0.0,0.0,0.0951320794899152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542646158349188,0.0,0.0,0.1443850280332416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649131243501255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477097359279743,0.0,0.15458872971131446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606667486511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817860697628828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805106605000477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,riceroll4416,2019/08/28,"DAE get really envious of someone they know and carries a lot of shame because of it? Hi, this is my first post on reddit (ever) so I'm a little nervous. 

So about a year and a half ago I met my current boyfriend, he is an amazing guy and I am definitely in the healthiest relationship I have been in. 

I was a little intimidated when I first met his family because they are an extremely beautiful family. Their facebook cover photos literally looks like they jumped out of a GAP ad. They are a great family and I get along with all of them with no trouble.

My insecurities got the best of me. At first it started with me comparing my appearance to theirs, how I don't fit into the family and that I stick our like a sore thumb in group photos. Later, I noticed that my attention shifted to his sisters especially his younger sister (19 y/o). Whenever my boyfriend would talk about her I can physically feel this tinge of envy and discomfort. 

At first my theory was that my abandonment issues were creeping up since he was really focused on helping his younger sister through a rough time, but that wasn't the case at all. It's really hard for me to articulate this because it sounds so immature but at the same time I'm so tired of feeling this way. Simply put, I feel like his sister represents everything that I lack as a woman. (I would say I'm an average looking person who spends time at the gym). She has an active social life, free music festival tickets are given to her, beautiful face, tons of likes on social media, amazing body and she definitely has better luck with guys than when I was her age. I catch myself having thoughts such as: ""Damn I wish I looked like her."", ""Maybe I will be seen if I posted revealing photos on social media as well"". Saying those things out loud makes me feel like such a judgmental asshole and of course I don't want to feel that way. I feel like I'm acting like a 12 year old, but this is the truth of how I am feeling and I need help.There is this feeling of envy and I don't want to feel this way towards her. In order to have a future with my boyfriend, I'll absolutely have to resolve whatever issue I'm having right now. 

I brought this issue up with my therapist and he mentioned that these thoughts and feelings stems from a place in me where I feel like who I currently am, my true self, is not enough. And I have to accept my ""truth"" - in that I am a person with a different set of morals, values and beliefs than his sister. That is really vague to me, so I would love to hear your input on this. 

I appreciate you all, thank you for taking the time to read this.",4.854886441062909,5.5609075501930505,6.0243515784692265,79.00669770610949,69.05791505791505,9.337360890302069,28.941857824210768,9.478462496947786,2.4749666590960704,2053,71,403,42,34,688,246,518,0.075,0.715,0.21,0.9979,3,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,1,3,7,7,17,33,2,4,28,0,37,6,2,3,7,72,78,30,0,9,5,5,13,9,0,4,3,5,0,6,28,25,0,1,19,3,2,6,6,8,1,5,15,22,74,26,66,58,9,63,2,1,4,1,55,28,1,4,31,282,102,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354819036124484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311032953794748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523343993046651,0.06340331158772923,0.0,0.07963059019988285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490000292411349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407415400330156,0.0,0.0,0.06484702654257703,0.0,0.0,0.06442967100915471,0.0,0.2703289606655822,0.0,0.3987306001636696,0.20485924429318544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24391534127491665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749093434731969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733643829924776,0.07903764588466812,0.0,0.14196724736979682,0.0,0.0,0.06421948246910451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079898952169062,0.0,0.09610357978539906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244748395190668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939853430944062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050636233966090086,0.3152136962356627,0.14370291420065112,0.0,0.0,0.1806027316339015,0.0,0.0,0.06094763261146169,0.06470234270049821,0.0,0.047853127826769065,0.0,0.07202148246225279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053156666922074776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161868077862068,0.07522580337635633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519256739787513,0.07490000292411349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373169602694017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206749209775104,0.0,0.0,0.07170864529739193,0.0,0.18370386465453048,0.0,0.0,0.07696742036101832,0.0,0.06122222367139263,0.0,0.1140203303088293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478751755523172,0.0,0.0,0.059302084420448736,0.0,0.0,0.2192344722324128,0.0607420647917439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074201671350892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390139053083921,0.057621099726920325,0.0,0.0660018251982504,0.0,0.08323673908990596,0.0476271490131898,0.0,0.0,0.11382650579641955,0.16721030147195,0.08239624140837706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456834841056138,0.1707107578676211,0.0,0.0,0.06445724093963412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243909397281989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277794871050665,0.0,0.0,0.09233104692988836
bpd,puppybuddy,2019/08/28,"I know you never cared even though you will never admit it I can face that. I can accept that the world is so fucked, your you are as well. 

Your worse off than me whether you know it or not. I set you up. I took a chance with you, I tested you and you validated my conclusion. You are just like the rest of them. 

You are just as fucked them all. You aren’t like me. 

He was good and there was no fucking way he didn’t do it before. I was amazed at how good he was. 

There was no fucking way. He is full of shit and I genuinely fell in love. I am hurt. I am so fucking hurt. I am so hurt. I pity him. I will do better. I am so ashamed that I went for him. I am so ashamed that I allowed this.",-1.951190476190476,-0.09593330519480504,0.4492207792207808,104.90335497835501,96.33766233766234,3.7125541125541126,13.826839826839823,5.288315135182226,-1.4024380952380953,517,10,140,3,21,172,77,154,0.248,0.591,0.161,-0.9585,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,13,2,2,13,22,6,2,3,0,23,8,2,2,3,19,35,14,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,12,1,0,8,0,37,10,11,25,3,14,0,4,0,6,23,6,6,1,4,108,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187888589580035,0.0,0.0,0.12346437844333667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233095386630054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220412711187227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6452872591009264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417880854725145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483323294110939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344042537472055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136402489985659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599396349024172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153354200489502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329684017579633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715576122374365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510013722231314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216151079590809,0.0,0.0,0.12551668027265175,0.12941009853449384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226377663525366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sovrwolf,2019/08/28,"How to help long distance S.O going through a really bad episode? throwaway bc I'm a coward oops

for a little context, i was JUST diagnosed but under some really confusing circumstances, so i haven't had the opportunity to talk to my therapist about it or learn any coping mechs/skills first-hand that could help, and i don't just want to google it because most of what comes up are about a partner w/ bpd when the reader DOESN'T have it, and tend to circle back around to assuming they're being abusive (my S.O is not) and saying you should leave them/you're not their therapist/what have you (but if anyone has a link to an article or something that's actually helpful then that's v welcome) so i thought it might b more helpful to just, like, ask ppl directly?? (but i've never posted here and i read the rules but if i missed smth or am doing smth wrong pls let me know)

so yeah! i feel very helpless and hopeless because i truly don't know what i can do to help when they're having an awful day and things just keep Happening and Piling Up and it leads to (what I'd describe in myself? don't know if they would) an episode. im normally the first person to suggest communication whenever anyone else is having any kind of conflict, but, initial triggers aside, a big underlying cause is recent events and politics and the overall grim state of things right now. obviously this is something i can't change, and avoiding it seems nigh impossible, so asking them directly how i might be able to help has been pretty fruitless, and can even makes things worse bc it just brings how little there is that can actually help up to the surface and just makes things more depressing/infuriating. 

it feels like right now all i can do is be there for them, but with us being long distance (definitely not going to be forever, life shit is just keeping either of us from visiting rn, let alone moving) i can't even physically be there and it's killing me. and i know even if it was something easier with a clear solution that was causing things, that i could not 'fix' it. that's not even what i want! i just want to help. it hurts that i'm just sitting here on the phone unable to help them when they're hurting. 

mainly im asking because i'm too scared (bc of my own mh issues, im working on it) that if i just take initiative & try without any other input, I'll end up saying or doing the wrong thing and making things worse, which is the last thing i want to do but i know from experience that when you're deep in a hole anything misheard, misunderstood, or poorly conveyed can do a load of harm even if the intentions were good, and i couldn't handle being the cause of more distress or even consequently leading them to split on me because i said the wrong thing at the wrong time. 

as of right now my go-to is to assure them that I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, that I'll sit with them through this or, if they need space, I'll be here when they 'get back,' but it feels like nowhere near enough. it doesn't feel like it helps. i can listen while they talk or vent and make unobtrusive agreeing/'im still listening' hums or noises, but overthink and second guess myself too much to know what to actually say. and then i feel useless for not doing more and that only makes it harder. 

yikes i typed a lot uh yeah, TLDR; the title + what would you recommend, or what could someone (s.o specifically but friends or family, too?) do that would help you when you're in a really bad place? or, alternatively, what's things to definitely avoid doing/saying that might not necessarily be obvious?",5.448906274695748,6.109051399715508,5.894700806069228,80.62538612296508,67.71977240398293,8.866243085190453,28.851240714398607,8.904972459349038,2.118799424687846,2846,93,559,46,45,917,303,703,0.157,0.718,0.125,-0.981,0,3,3,0,0,1,84.0,2,4,11,5,48,31,2,5,28,3,67,3,1,15,6,140,114,68,1,21,49,0,5,4,2,7,2,6,0,2,54,27,0,5,16,1,1,9,19,21,1,2,8,11,51,10,59,84,13,63,0,7,0,0,46,25,1,29,29,382,105,6,0.05167032290335969,0.061220883446753735,0.1512683448599776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351487157382414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598477327815734,0.0,0.10541277427546657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225818233775365,0.052942351930753626,0.04252027315262931,0.04599754212859639,0.14491433080128496,0.0,0.0,0.07946257778798642,0.08628512270695163,0.12599099702115976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507696289137911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923896460175682,0.05466035039143553,0.044509407978181835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376364515767628,0.0,0.0,0.033323083693505284,0.0,0.0,0.05244429009515757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316392459473643,0.0,0.04576456952801336,0.053389255907117315,0.0,0.2047665657794864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050543490557105226,0.04871018189231207,0.0,0.13063033889715311,0.11073986701913656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790150053160213,0.0,0.0,0.039920363301357904,0.0,0.02699561110307384,0.0,0.11746174099615155,0.04333861536947242,0.0,0.0,0.056920686041763535,0.0,0.04569189589957907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809688110630634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062829867816723,0.0,0.22325126163022196,0.05393039273976897,0.0,0.09185391420887133,0.05716555669732747,0.05380669006033642,0.1703799490320184,0.04211820951236926,0.0,0.05471141134899901,0.0,0.10567281188033548,0.03649627713963167,0.10097403920703604,0.10357447566009502,0.0,0.09145321959847008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439282607842037,0.0,0.0,0.17245170882312735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444214162113274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491737603561987,0.03798363259752102,0.038312889720557006,0.03985133839743743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062594579697036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03929760892192839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511653294195083,0.05398448996638015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948588634494421,0.05256729420911297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516843056265553,0.0,0.09930399583838002,0.0,0.051018210312866116,0.0,0.0,0.13237852031286396,0.04915030946598136,0.16436125867062373,0.05173100718697357,0.0,0.0,0.047038721369608016,0.0,0.0,0.053038843937806765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378009691948116,0.1193350168637544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126398661590012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884965237229953,0.08306129662535089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998645476118093,0.34327466590820144,0.0,0.0,0.04102046475419181,0.030129380806678808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035080757522307486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430607290736775,0.0,0.0,0.04263342774924762,0.12190598072122374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980834741906606,0.0,0.03761661046422154,0.0,0.10531294671541123,0.11011534468967586,0.22597354700657785,0.0,0.0
bpd,walkeachotherhome,2019/08/28,"“If they leave you constantly feeling “?????!!!???” that’s not the one.” I needed to hear this. I thought maybe someone else here would too. 7 months ago I was discarded by the man I thought was my soulmate... (*cough cough* my narcissist.) The unconditional adoration of him never went away, the pain has remained raw even after all this time... and lo and behold, last week he recontacted me with a charming warm heart to heart. As much as I want to hate him and demonize him for the way he abandoned me, it’s not the truth. I am in the midst of trying to reframe my perspective of this person: a neutral rational stance on the spectrum of all encompassing hatred vs. all encompassing God-like love.

This is my first post here. I have not been formally diagnosed, but this recent very painful/intense relationship has “shown me to myself” and I realize I have every single symptom. At the end of the day, I just miss my dear friend and I am trying to grieve this loss in a healthy way. I look forward to reading your stories, especially about post-break-up healing.",5.834172494172492,6.7856721919191925,6.083333333333332,78.57576923076925,66.97979797979798,9.324630924630924,32.907536907536915,9.466822959209583,2.9680492618492615,826,35,155,16,13,264,129,198,0.10800000000000001,0.773,0.11900000000000001,0.6448,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,2,1,2,6,13,1,0,13,0,11,9,2,0,5,26,22,9,1,4,7,0,2,0,1,1,6,1,0,2,8,6,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,6,0,2,6,4,27,7,24,15,5,24,1,4,1,1,14,8,0,1,13,106,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333918201290995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141325524932686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625517134268196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970091310987682,0.0,0.0,0.15267419606230934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565748291068993,0.0,0.13322840004411174,0.0,0.0,0.09935168269065037,0.0,0.12673621945126998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760574008582543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794806548036555,0.0,0.0,0.1162149275448558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485096418507322,0.0,0.0,0.16953545189954433,0.3564993291771289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261322949013725,0.0,0.15927416937070918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631579471929744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576086747648508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111815937296202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006464437541947,0.0,0.11057677699193624,0.11153530014986432,0.11601398437839833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192919417118496,0.0,0.16005859916111148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134185596816866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881235650415555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046175277147325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852263668593094,0.16149591065052224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745126473413634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563450627113835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388350177716221,0.08771172198476565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042520336249015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411311689388164,0.0887222306185757,0.23879445069406,0.12065869040504702,0.0,0.0,0.13944181729485008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106854795784989,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mochihunterk,2019/08/28,"Do you ever hate your bad symptoms so much you rebound and become a complete doormat? Like... In my relationships I always just assume I'm overreacting. And I get told a lot over the years I let my partners and well to be honest everyone walk all over me.

It's gotten to the point I can't even really trust myself to make boundaries.  I being fair? It is all in my head? Is my discomfort more important than them being themselves?

And then I end up alone and unhappy and hurt. I get told ""why didn't you just say no"" well because I didn't know if my answer was no, or if I was *heavily depressed*.

But! It isn't fair to leave your partners hanging just because your mental health isn't ok! So I usually just end up giving the heads up and being left with a huge gaping wound they didn't even know they could make because I didn't either...",2.4117254901960803,4.2778610352941175,3.961764705882356,86.84460784313727,76.88235294117645,6.650980392156862,23.68627450980393,7.554174236665415,1.0882274509803922,656,21,133,9,15,218,98,170,0.16399999999999998,0.723,0.113,-0.8981,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,6,3,0,11,11,1,1,6,1,18,5,2,2,3,28,30,14,0,3,9,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,2,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,9,5,2,0,9,1,27,6,13,15,6,18,0,2,0,0,16,10,0,5,7,98,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495722966903156,0.0,0.0,0.12016638331877907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058203256342236,0.2641055032818461,0.1594970581002505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141831343802611,0.0,0.0,0.11530509874226892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243860162439066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558209174399573,0.0,0.0,0.1907719270569219,0.13063330354730207,0.0,0.13799648342610235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090368095811166,0.13853779630696186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258173487918016,0.2964266927016074,0.1535083520874473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460121855481865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873544142798005,0.0,0.0,0.152916585800817,0.15690932371886734,0.14767600767630862,0.0,0.07055477527148585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227780364947805,0.0,0.0,0.1927987297606552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455382116914453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061629972598358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652059736397873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251712836235967,0.0,0.0,0.1550496441139387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484607092984699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010439728613062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759929668522047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590547507649632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596961732997971,0.0,0.13031373923548326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929997127355793
bpd,j_henny,2019/08/28,"Short but intense relationships?? I'm pretty new to being diagnosed with BPD and was wondering if this is a characteristic of it.


I'd personally not noticed it before, but my friend pointed it out the other day for me after another relationship fell through.


I always seem to attract people who are very intense and serious about the relationship. For example the last guy I saw was telling our friends we were seeing each other the day after we slept together for the first time, and a few days in was telling me he'd never hurt me and that he misses me etc. Then a week after we first slept together (or started seeing each other as I thought) he dropped me. He had a lot of identity issues he was dealing with, but it was still very intense for that week and a sudden end.


Another example was this other guy, from the first night we met he literally was sleeping at my house everynight then onwards - a few days in he was already telling me I should delete tinder and other dating apps, and that we were exclusive. Then a week and a half after we first started seeing each other, he tells me that I'm a bit too much drama and he didn't want to deal with it.


Is this a BPD symptom where we get into relationships very quickly but intensely? The thing is though, when I'm experiencing these relationships, I know that it might be intense and moving too fast, but I can't help but crave this intensity",7.663412698412696,6.9466476481481525,8.058095238095238,71.64000000000003,63.25925925925926,10.973544973544977,35.95238095238096,10.290406445055957,3.6051269841269846,1115,45,205,22,14,369,136,270,0.031,0.866,0.10300000000000001,0.9603,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,8,0,0,4,8,6,0,0,17,0,22,5,3,0,1,43,41,24,0,3,9,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,24,25,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,3,0,5,17,5,24,3,25,19,9,43,0,2,4,0,36,8,0,6,32,154,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967128044377819,0.0,0.07292341408056274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379614464421132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457509643377934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568006779674662,0.0,0.2207587618305128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22608193037008775,0.1807057688510389,0.0,0.08895264954060197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077622934874616,0.0,0.0977416504968856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981858027515798,0.0,0.0,0.13542073235564994,0.0,0.04578822840825978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735545513460834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874317485694916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112467311937,0.09382032118021448,0.0,0.0,0.09147328176743967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816459480937265,0.07143821230554451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450830546805785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297207993974604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314733968792928,0.0644254074675376,0.0,0.0675932905519204,0.0846431575860365,0.0,0.08224410541964268,0.0,0.0,0.0997786023637896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075846893012845,0.07652377667789112,0.0,0.0,0.08284802935018011,0.0,0.0,0.08916128124904676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704622494450023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951295078765272,0.07978406970971881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877031883920102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406393880652315,0.0,0.06998933408064517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109140856450483,0.0,0.0,0.3064045276310603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582240526038104,0.0,0.08610575275687457,0.06957628787903372,0.051103528084925014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169362775477953,0.05169228127753636,0.0,0.2108983144194418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504172864381172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,puppiesandkisses,2019/08/28,Not reaching out for help when I need it I've been having a really hard time recently. I'm supposed to be reaching out to my boyfriend or my therapist if I'm at risk for self harm but I don't want to be stopped! I just want something to stop the pain! I know I need to be following my safety plan but I don't know how to convince myself to. The benifits of being stopped seem less than the release the self harm brings me.,1.622,3.324664255555557,2.9575,93.89625000000002,78.66666666666667,6.277777777777778,25.69444444444445,7.1686216300943375,0.9781111111111112,333,13,76,4,8,108,56,90,0.28,0.638,0.08199999999999999,-0.9397,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,0,8,1,0,1,0,19,19,6,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,11,1,14,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,6,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896046556816456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187039084089825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264421464924806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138845453571729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521982081317135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559400771396296,0.0,0.20898746956691056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268616618286627,0.4416124506193786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294523760660165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308685485073323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24575210899273775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234199125330296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496836157106065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toucanna,2019/08/28,"I did a 14 mi hike! I posted on here before about my current situation with friends and school and received such great support from the community. You guys really made me have a much more positive outlook. 

Although, in light of having no friends, I’ve been incredibly, soul-crushingly lonely. About a year ago, I decided I wanted to do this really long and challenging hike, but nobody was interested, and I figured I’d wait until they were. 

Today, I woke up at 5 in the morning, got coffee, drove the trailhead around sunrise, pressed play on my 7 downloaded episodes of This American Life, and I fucking hiked it. All by myself (I know it was kind of dangerous, considering I’m a 20, but my phone had signal the whole time, and people were aware of my whereabouts every step of the way). I finished in the afternoon and treated myself to an iced latte and a pastry. 

I have been so depressed lately, counting down the days til I go home and escape this hell hole. Today is the first day I’ve felt proud of myself in so long. I did it, you know? Just for me. No one else. I wanted to share because even if a friend or person situation is shitty, you can still find joy and accomplishment in the things you love. You don’t need anyone else. 

Hope everyone is doing well! Sending good vibes into the universe from me to you.",4.483619975134686,5.991507681102363,5.465416493990881,79.68888727724827,70.61417322834646,8.18201409034397,28.32905097389142,8.6894789155246,2.20004251968504,1037,38,192,18,19,341,163,254,0.102,0.7090000000000001,0.18899999999999997,0.9677,1,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,6,1,4,11,22,3,0,17,0,19,3,0,1,1,31,36,19,0,5,5,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,7,13,0,1,6,1,0,5,3,5,1,2,14,3,30,17,31,22,4,36,1,2,0,2,17,12,2,3,17,135,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724830466599033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248541571573456,0.13552500959399832,0.0,0.1177472686976948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062982875403507,0.0,0.11255100108728584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060485877812148,0.0,0.113922917900426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209872089727921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736229055360731,0.0,0.1114421631070123,0.12638850030434587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699878413650578,0.0,0.12089128087431054,0.11250776805735546,0.0,0.0,0.3065716249150824,0.12228036810481835,0.0,0.0,0.07517140339860882,0.11094078841492724,0.105787437029407,0.1458268116226291,0.0,0.13096690069051312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267638427226022,0.13137275645368246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773759420787005,0.14538293939913466,0.0,0.1492049601264123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342536039885743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341074397241699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193777501204477,0.12515593039716968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723278215759967,0.09807563430018504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962875751993794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916985271174144,0.1154920085115076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667694156160636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946955191716898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386308036809202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973513311501546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563002923105833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009705924198638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878735090035947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712699708216852,0.0,0.2507507006310285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603112257289595,0.104988811558834,0.0,0.0,0.11892553006872633,0.0,0.0,0.14767338418879702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517676631723159
bpd,JYCOFF,2019/01/21,"Friend Who wants to be friends?

I’m a male with bpd 23",-2.9630769230769225,-1.3562515384615388,-1.254999999999999,115.63750000000002,102.84615384615385,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-2.0605076923076924,42,1,13,0,2,13,13,13,0.0,0.588,0.41200000000000003,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6058359708405612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7432796793960385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837218613935081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,upvoteguy5,2019/01/21,"A Letter to myself. I hate you. This letter is to the past me. I hate you. I hate what you have done to previous relationships. You used people, you didn't respect people. I hate you. I radically accept the past. And I accept that I will never be like you again. I hate you.

You yelled at people because you didn't get what you wanted. That is wrong. I will never yell at people again. Your anger and condescending behavior pushes people away forever. I hate you.

I can't change what damage you have already done. It has happened. I hate you. You are dead to me. I will never be like you again. Your horrible habits are dead to me. I am changing for the good.

I will not cry for you anymore, but my hate for you will empower me to be better. This pain I will let go. You won't control my life anymore. I am moving forward with my life and live with a loving, positive attitude. I hate you so much.

With that said, I forgive you. 

I forgive you because the past me reached out for help for a better future. I forgive you for not knowing how to control your anger.

I love you.",0.08706541218638009,2.4650807083333386,2.15056750298686,92.05440860215056,93.76851851851852,4.6389486260454005,19.004778972520906,6.3737218528115,0.17343237753882912,827,26,170,10,31,275,91,216,0.21,0.607,0.183,-0.5988,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,27,0,4,6,27,11,0,7,0,25,5,0,4,3,24,43,6,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,3,0,0,9,7,0,2,6,0,0,4,9,14,0,0,5,3,58,13,20,27,1,18,0,1,0,2,37,5,0,0,13,134,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068017526739333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298747785246526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720443123040416,0.0,0.0,0.10018404633073304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535104447011682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738567105759148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432847384731788,0.0,0.0,0.09026340731891824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818343762552185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293210812551288,0.0,0.04670092617836279,0.06892298581232509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726654939475345,0.0,0.0,0.7301612495761212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550789672862624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516024454452336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402766968770288,0.1160827299189342,0.08029135463083928,0.0,0.07256044564490376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832905183774295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733711257465188,0.060406760767525186,0.0,0.190131124925382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743808393886855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23533086727011804,0.2848427694549482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822326988524119,0.0,0.0,0.07816553558795572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097126566798724,0.0,0.0,0.04846788544151847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984350008368035,0.0,0.0
bpd,madam_champs,2019/01/21,"Any sexual assault survivors? [possible trigger] Hey guys

This is my very first atempt to talk about, please be nice.

​

It took me very long to make this post, to even think about write about makes me uneasy.

I was raped a few years ago, and didn't told anyone, not even family. I didn't got the medical suport (for STDs ans stuff) or emotional support as the years passed.

Things got really worst when I was diagnosed \[few months ago\], I had to go to all that doctors, triyng new meds, it was overwhelming. 

I'm trying my best to build up the strength to overcome all this, to finally talk bout it, but the pain, shame and fearfullness are unbereable.

Has anyone passed trought this? How do you cope with it? How do you talk about it? Is it worth it to talk about \[with doctors, family...\]

​

Please, share your stories, I can't bear feel alone and helpless anymore.

​

\*Sorry for bad english.",4.26801960784314,6.595214076470588,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960785,72.94117647058823,7.5921568627450995,26.03921568627451,8.447377352677275,1.7525215686274511,723,25,138,13,15,215,112,170,0.146,0.741,0.113,-0.9081,0,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,3,0,3,10,14,2,3,6,0,14,6,0,5,2,18,25,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,14,5,0,0,2,0,1,4,4,9,0,1,10,1,12,5,20,14,6,16,0,2,0,1,12,1,0,1,10,84,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610293021659112,0.0,0.0,0.10287757495476642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228772230895028,0.3620962787347961,0.06754889041609034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851025044709467,0.13890992075525255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293773223878545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424238004823584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081947740024334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334019181261495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117346740305558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312151625624831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872819738256748,0.0,0.05022503870805075,0.0,0.0,0.10881290637293482,0.0,0.08449140345129418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645243419382374,0.0,0.15888910030769474,0.0,0.0,0.09835389534495598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879053352591648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260922116615328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033500867105757,0.10006613114215357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928553096972342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593507284384473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569581983750842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807252386187634,0.0,0.11198144783733267,0.09513220964441624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363436290214207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111935875310482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371091070986132,0.0,0.1127203161900994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193558918524745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599149756591631,0.06364767485619056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491559520916434,0.11036105625942627,0.06743963229907972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639179364487978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620962787347961,0.127932580156012
bpd,-anonq-,2019/01/21,BPD chatroom Why don't we have a chat like other subs have?,-1.1515384615384612,0.9052296153846164,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,99.0,5.676923076923077,14.192307692307693,7.1686216300943375,-0.06896923076923045,47,1,11,1,2,16,12,13,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7752707325789487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007293743799795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554431875462389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,illutree,2019/01/21,"Back on seroquel I promised myself I would never take this med again, the side effects I had in the past weren’t good at all, but now I have no choice because my mental state is at its worst but my psy said it’s the best choice for now. 

Seroquel, lyrica and Xanax, I’m going to pass out for the next 24 hours 

Goodnight 
",4.519626865671643,4.372533761194036,4.503694029850745,92.6068843283582,69.59701492537313,6.7,25.70522388059701,3.1291,0.30515223880596976,250,6,57,0,4,77,53,67,0.11599999999999999,0.754,0.13,0.0129,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,2,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,1,7,3,8,5,3,17,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,8,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326711637577052,0.0,0.18445457419038527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175469866051445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196748919661034,0.253796097593683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798780488162857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33610657684844153,0.0,0.30493710126131585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333741879598504,0.0,0.3218053135366247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28885407411650704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878300709804098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275081951950423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149495281068954,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dandelionsmell,2019/01/21,"Bf/Fp has gone to college :( I was supposed to go with him and his mom to drop him off but I literally could not stop crying when he came to pick me up, we decided it would be best for me to just go when he comes back:( I was having full on panic attacks all morning and the second he left. I miss him so much. I called my mom and was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe she was scared something really bad had happened. My brother had to bring me to his girlfriends house with him because he was worried about me. 

Last night me and my bf just cuddled while I cried. He really is my whole life but I want him to experience the college life. I’m so terrified he’ll meet someone new. 

He isn’t replying to my messages and it’s taking me so much strength not to text bomb him. 
Does this ever get easier:( I’m sorry I’m being dramatic I know i just feel really abandoned. I haven’t cried in a little while so maybe it’ll get better. 

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bpd,slowfadejade,2019/01/21,"I’m tired of BPD controlling my life I know people say you’re not your illness, but a personality disorder is different, IMO. Your personality is your daily reality. The person you have to face in the mirror every damn day. I’m not saying they can’t be treated, but left untreated or for particularly stubborn cases like mine that are rooted down to the core, there is no other reality. 

I’m tired of the lifetime of rejection, invalidation, shame, and fear replaying itself through my mind every waking second. I’m tired of always reaching out for some kind of real connection and always finding a way to ruin it or be disappointed by it. It’s a lonely world when you’re afraid to trust anybody, including yourself. To settle for what’s available or easy because you don’t feel worthy of anything better. 

The shame can be soul-crushing. It’s so hard not to blame yourself when you can see everything you did wrong. Even if there’s a good reason for your behaviors, just looking back at yourself can make you want to give up for fear it will keep repeating itself. Even when the good things come, you always wait for the other shoe to drop, sometimes to the point of causing it to. It’s exhausting and lonely and I wouldn’t wish this upon anybody. 

I just want to give a big shout out to anybody else who’s going through some shit right now *hugs*



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bpd,NatashaD21,2019/01/21,"I don't know if I'm happy, I don't know what it means I just have stable and unstable Sometimes I feel like I'm two separate people, one part of me (maybe 40%?) feels deeply (usually for the state the fuckin world is in) the other 60% of the time I feel nothing I found this to be totally normal until a friend of mine mentioned how nice it would b not to fell the sadness of a break up or a death, and that made me realise not only is there very little pain theres no joy, no love, no true connection to another person. borderlines are usually identified by extreme emotional responses especially in regards to relationships they fear abandonment so much they would do anything to prevent it , but in a way my brain has taken on a different strategy - if u don't care about anybody then u wont care if they do decide to neglect or abandon u,I've went so far as to torment them into leaving me I cheated and lied and broke the love they had for me so they would leave before (god forbid) I began to feel something for them.So in my formative years I developed a form of emotional disassociation so deeply rooted in my psyche, a fool proof defence mechanism to forever rid myself of the pain of love, but as I get older I realised the very meaning of life (in my opinion anyway) are the bonds you form with others. I don't need to protect myself anymore theres nothing to be afraid of. I want to miss someone, I want to feel what it's like to be so in love u don't care about yourself anymore, I want to give myself to another completely. The only question now is how ?",6.922500000000002,5.8364550955414005,7.772030254777075,74.29524283439494,64.92356687898089,10.907324840764332,35.86703821656051,10.125756701596842,3.502924203821656,1236,51,239,24,16,418,171,314,0.18,0.682,0.139,-0.9446,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,6,0,15,29,3,2,17,0,22,9,1,4,3,50,52,22,1,11,10,0,5,2,1,4,3,0,0,1,10,6,0,7,12,0,0,2,11,15,0,2,6,5,34,14,45,39,5,27,0,6,0,5,17,13,1,7,11,165,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019498994418864,0.0,0.0,0.19099988660247025,0.0,0.0,0.07924355805810712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194096374994363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749839327787328,0.0,0.0,0.29454114553057537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096472138995456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006090212434022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664050159796888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835998384556272,0.2434512310725044,0.13758803241892106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558380018716776,0.07439819625844216,0.0,0.050310783942558716,0.09237607848429497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250908313580752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584373352597802,0.0,0.0,0.20392751881497684,0.0,0.0,0.06801684565942946,0.09409090705441006,0.09651407865898448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476442786175959,0.091117781776207,0.0,0.0,0.0967424643009368,0.20978955865077725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078877843035074,0.07140240350871489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943498189818362,0.18479757971921484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652527894016516,0.14647518104935112,0.20493186761474347,0.0,0.0,0.10427938800517726,0.0,0.06675965219202365,0.08408211736393573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787376938777876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338606846246946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159144790945289,0.07413351041014621,0.095239392580999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615108182956797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406738365001882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211329372395785,0.15890888070904635,0.17039396053918734,0.07643543210620002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926753136538268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052181480274716,0.0,0.0,0.06201158811306316
bpd,Biwi95,2019/01/21,"Feel lonely Hey peeps.

I (M/23) feel very lonely currently. Broke up with my gf September last year.

I miss the intimate relationship.

To cuddle, kiss, talk, look in the eyes of a human, for whom I am the most beautiful human on earth.

I feel completely uncomplete and hollow. Can't get myself to get further than just flirting or don't get to even that point.

​",2.814673913043478,5.651634434782611,3.8491123188405783,82.82845108695652,81.46376811594203,7.507971014492752,23.11775362318841,8.472884824447931,1.9455057971014496,292,10,52,7,8,94,55,69,0.132,0.7490000000000001,0.12,0.0334,1,4,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,3,3,1,0,0,8,11,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,6,2,10,11,1,8,0,4,2,2,7,5,0,2,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745229209345272,0.30786850539235416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656503650856136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673464421841535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843297392868603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39712123021063184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065278328880741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276437666140893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951360775320346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720212214100541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036467099090395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905422010060867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30786850539235416,0.16315997107691654
bpd,lambharry,2019/01/21,"Basic Personality Distortion This speaks more to my experience of it. 

Yesterday someone posted about a situation that triggered them and I could relate (their bf didn’t do what they said they were going to do). I sat deeply with the question of why. Why does something like that set me off as well?

I guess I’m really coming to see that I have some basic beliefs about myself, regarding my place in the world, my relation to others, and these beliefs are not kindly (they are distorted).

I’m always trying to control (or run away from) the situations in my life that I would interpret as proof of my beliefs. I react with irritation/rage/fear when I see even small bits of what I consider proof of these beliefs. So, it’s when I become really aware of these beliefs that I feel anguish. Then I enact the coping mechanisms. 

Is it as simple as this? Obviously not, but is this a huge component of my situation? I’m really starting to believe so. 
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bpd,MentalTalksWithTiff,2019/01/21,"Being told I have BPD but can’t have it officially on paper or the support I need until I’m 25? Okay so I was recently told I have BPD but can not be helped or have it on paper as having it until I’m 25? I’m really struggling to move forward as I clearly need the support now but they won’t give it to me so I’m stuck in a rut of going round in circles with myself,  I’ve only recently turned 22 so I can’t stay like this for 3 years!! Help!! ",0.12982398239823922,1.4726962178217846,3.3906270627062685,90.74147414741476,81.87128712871288,6.073047304730473,20.133113311331133,6.937597516519254,0.2685832783278328,342,9,82,4,9,125,61,101,0.067,0.728,0.205,0.94,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,3,1,12,0,0,0,1,10,26,12,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,4,1,9,4,13,19,0,14,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,8,52,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563206285991046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378185565025292,0.10295543366316508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24285081375125855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885039324900048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254072747229575,0.0,0.2686505507319665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377777081855158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605351517660573,0.0,0.3577404470891869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308876279484768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938414380901927,0.0,0.0,0.4111485785061312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34620566520145124,0.0,0.0,0.19704628980288524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665886916751303
bpd,redditthrown,2019/01/21,"Healing from breakups is impossible Male here.  Every breakup I go through feels like it permanently takes a piece of my soul, even years later.  Other people somehow are happy and able to move on and say all the platitudes, but I am worse and worse after every relationship.  I don't think I can do it anymore. 

​

 I have a girlfriend now, but I honestly can't sit around waiting for her to trade up and figure out that I have issues.  

​

 The last one was a few years ago now, and it just aches every day.    She betrayed me and cheated with a psycho religious sex addict guy who promised to marry her ASAP. 

​

 (She had her issues as well, so I'm glad I'm not with her, but it doesn't help much knowing that as people seem to think it should.) ",5.018053691275167,5.9301869463087264,5.347174496644296,83.26452013422819,68.79865771812081,7.570738255033557,28.993959731543626,7.554174236665415,1.6776893959731545,601,21,116,6,10,191,101,149,0.145,0.742,0.113,-0.8031,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,0,6,0,13,3,0,0,1,25,23,12,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,9,10,0,1,6,0,1,2,4,1,1,1,2,2,15,6,17,20,4,16,1,0,0,1,13,4,0,2,10,83,24,1,0.11637115567561801,0.0,0.0,0.12686173671414372,0.0,0.0,0.1031560080726868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782642956655304,0.4242110748108087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540891656788024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359500066903278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504976826526485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686205080123755,0.0,0.2941431531104913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058840752871590477,0.08313557686671785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613640954478864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522573996589422,0.0,0.12387925912954235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800113265068377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242922504699842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395454379067972,0.0948580237268756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685306852898489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236841218873442,0.08554618925836417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885610679497934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135421370098998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493907050635887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254301378943004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059399295321367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749662649904882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491318753912335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463164456634212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371842989988421,0.0,0.0,0.4242110748108087,0.14987841775377686
bpd,stifledd_,2019/01/21,"Break up I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and basically right after, my girlfriend and I broke up. She kinda told me we were gonna get back together so I was sad because we weren't talking but my head was kind of above water because I thought she was coming back. Because I was diagnosed recently and am trying to get an understanding and I tried to explain things to her. Especially since my therapist and I have talked about my fear of abandonment. I kept texting her and asking to meet up because I was worried it was officially over but every time we would talk she told me that it was just a break. I woke up super anxious yesterday so I figured something was off but I figured it was because I had to work a long shift but even after about 8 hours of working I realized it wasn't that. So, when I got home I texted her and she was kind of short and it immediately sent me off so I sent her this long ass text basically telling her she was fucking with my feelings. She then basically ended things and I got really upset at first. I sent a text that wasn't so nice and then when she told me I was being an asshole, I stepped back and just sent one final text to her and explained how I was feeling 100%. 

​

I guess.... I'm reaching out to y'all because I feel like I won't be able to trust again. I'm afraid that I will just ruin every relationship because of my trust issues. My abandonment issues have shot through the roof and I'm just scared. Is there anything y'all do to cope with breakups?? I need all the help that I can get. If I didn't provide enough information just let me know and I'll explain.",2.3012844396509418,4.4124560516717315,3.720460829493089,87.2914746543779,78.14893617021276,6.676772232571821,26.114422982645358,7.717688229018142,1.452425747622316,1287,51,265,20,31,423,158,329,0.134,0.792,0.075,-0.9674,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,3,2,0,4,21,17,1,4,7,0,33,6,2,1,1,54,65,29,0,3,10,0,3,1,1,4,2,0,1,0,13,22,1,3,13,0,0,6,5,10,0,2,32,3,59,7,31,26,2,39,0,5,0,2,38,11,2,3,21,187,72,2,0.09623304975467373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426846920344546,0.11693368868412066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087159545741992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919160036085691,0.0,0.08996491101380064,0.0,0.0,0.22199182544905416,0.0,0.41063941749302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120215736840187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289625130709098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534903962242064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523391860019079,0.09943446511228517,0.0,0.06356102176745415,0.0,0.16216098983143026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828893535439632,0.1459749643067422,0.06874890997301142,0.0,0.10541860217193452,0.0,0.0818557829606492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896590381949113,0.15083338987248765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539327218904217,0.0,0.10601155371473447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987628722838216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450298474492909,0.0,0.09652959526721144,0.0,0.09477016933666416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008846036252592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004238251576315,0.05288716743349688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840481336275317,0.0,0.04701460719103254,0.0,0.0,0.17032644151082765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713555870285447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521000504466985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061649355860914426,0.0,0.19003705398222775,0.10331828122301813,0.0,0.08218249868204068,0.0,0.0,0.09634607079569303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079604973201963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408490322257948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320454404490097,0.08411192712894992,0.0,0.0,0.11173398792683804,0.12786592437460845,0.0,0.0,0.07639829216924257,0.05611426519763642,0.0,0.0,0.2758644090520141,0.0,0.13067184776026827,0.0,0.0,0.1001819986353953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011761270298678,0.09772933328926883,0.0,0.06836119748463712,0.0,0.11693368868412066,0.0
bpd,wearepublic,2019/01/21,"Those who DBT has worked for, how quickly did you see the effects? How long until you could say you were in recovery? Please don't comment saying it didn't work for you unless it's a positive spin please!! ",4.128455284552846,5.410266073170731,4.418048780487805,87.72918699186995,71.1951219512195,7.417886178861789,25.861788617886177,7.793537801064563,1.303725203252032,163,5,33,2,3,51,32,41,0.0,0.7879999999999999,0.212,0.846,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,5,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,5,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,3,24,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23518474338999776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606791593288969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6466838676565766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684969531374959,0.0,0.0,0.23472873019544835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288910302193406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heavensandwiches,2019/01/21,"Just some mental health writing I did that I wanted to share with the sub of the people I relate to most ""As you know it

Living your life is kind of hard. 
It's not the one you asked for,
You didn't work to deserve it,
And unfortunately, it's the one you have. 
It's alright with you;
You've really accepted it at this point. 
You make progress every day now,
But it's still not what you want. 

It's difficult to find just that. 
But like accepting life, accepting yourself
Is something you have to do -
Even if you don't want to. 
You struggle quite a bit
With the difficult patterns of life. 
Specifically, your own. Why is it so much harder?
But as you have come to realize, you can't complain. 

Life doesn't wait for complaints. 
Especially not yours. 
Accepting that is part of accepting yourself, 
And you try every day. 
The trying is really the hardest part
About your crazy and difficult life. 
You have to do it every day, too. 
When life has been crazy and difficult, just trying can be the same way. 

You do the absolute best I can. 
But when you're working to try in the first place,
Eventually you miss a shift. 
Today I did not. 
Tomorrow I might. 
It's always a possibility,
But I've learned to accept it. 
To accept myself, I have to try. 

Like the rest of my life,
I wish it were easier. 
But life doesn't wait for me. 
Today, I feel lucky I don't have to wait for it.""

It's ok; I guess ... you guys are likely to leave positive comments but I would appreciate any at all. 

I just wrote this out in the last twenty minutes or so and felt like it really fit in this subreddit. I was recently diagnosed (in the last two months or so) and I've been learning a lot more about everyone's favorite illness. 

I appreciate and care about every /r/BPD subscriber and hope everyone's having a nice day. 




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bpd,Rovingmulberry,2019/01/21,"Maternity leave I'm due to have a baby May 1st and am petrified of being alone on maternity leave! I know I'll have a baby to look after but it's when I have days off to myself especially that my head starts to overthink and spiral and make my partner's life a living misery!

Just wondering if anyone else has been through it and has any tips? I'm thinking I'll have to make lots of plans to keep myself occupied but I don't know how long I'll be able to keep that up for with funds and energy 


I know things seem worse at the minute too as I'm off my meds for the pregnancy (counting down to May to be able to take them again as they really used to help my recognise a spiral and not go down as hard and fast as I am back to doing at the minute) ",7.236984126984128,4.262414691358028,8.003615520282185,78.90055555555556,65.66666666666666,11.47936507936508,31.16754850088184,9.606745405546679,2.3651029982363307,588,13,136,9,7,200,93,162,0.109,0.8490000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.8289,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,7,0,16,2,1,4,0,28,34,16,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,13,0,31,28,1,18,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,6,9,90,18,0,0.3410277106862847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660092984734502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159552688025844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922725230053666,0.17471159519421695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111462956672273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996733043702983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244244627917022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690695348484618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527469220530095,0.0,0.1749964088305215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429184295869815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031210985347742,0.0,0.0,0.28112986672208823,0.0,0.0,0.36109910510258425,0.0,0.0,0.12043897872265374,0.0,0.0,0.15056685822664145,0.15089939622057408,0.1431886934763958,0.0,0.0,0.14496478217956918,0.0,0.0,0.22763864500666744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189402453689164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923554198962017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552294098518629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069058444187315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820519850691545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328182878808883,0.10925839345617236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726922362483674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184915002485548,0.0,0.0,0.17376818600086658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deathinherroom,2019/01/21,"My mom told me about a news story once A woman who was cheated on and abandoned by her husband broke and just had been standing on the street corner, silent, for months, and they tried to get her to speak. I can’t forget it. I feel like giving up. Every fucking day of my life I feel like giving up and being this woman because at least my parents don’t see me dead, but I don’t have to exist anymore. I’m nothing but a prop, a ghost, a plot device for other people. My life is so fucking pointless. I don’t understand why my parents want me to live. I only exist for the lack of condom usage. I don’t want to be here anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just think about blowing my brains out or stabbing myself and falling asleep in the bathtub, And yet can you believe it, I was offered an opportunity to visit Korea, I suppose my half-motherland, for a documentary. Maybe even Jeju Island, my absolute dream to visit. I don’t deserve this. I’m going to ruin the documentary somehow, or otherwise just waste all the grant and donation money. Right? And school is starting in a week... and I’m trying to start a business... and I had to break up with him because I’m fucking unstable as fuck and all I do is get high/drunk and try not to think about suicide. I seem to get downvoted a lot here but I don’t care because I have nowhere else to go. I’m not trying to be edgy. I’m nearing 30 and I can’t take care of myself. I don’t want to kill myself while my parents are alive. But I don’t know how to survive another 26+ years. Holy shit. There’s so much ducking misery in store. I don’t know how to comprehend it. All my friends are sick of and avoiding me and I wanted that so it hurts them less when I eventually commit suicide, but it still hurts now that it’s happening. I know my dad loves me but he sends me hideous pictures of myself labeling them “beautiful” and “my girl” (I lived as a man most of myself although I have the other genitals) and it makes me sick.

I don’t know who the fuck I am. I’m so fucking lonely. I miss my ex but everyone said he treated me badly and won’t change and I have to move on. I feel so shitty. I feel so bad. I can still remember the day in 5th grade when I think my mental illness was really getting apparent. My mom worked all day so I came home to an empty house. And I just remember I lost the spelling bee because I used the British spelling and the whole evening I just kept thinking, I fucking hate myself, I’m stupid and I should kill myself. And my life still feels just as fucking miserable and lonely as it did then. I don’t want to exist anymore. I don’t want to see how bad it gets. Someone please help me. I can’t function anymore.",1.907816104702753,3.675489668478264,3.7244838805087253,88.42462732919256,78.03985507246377,6.17278911564626,25.21458148476782,7.043009809895983,1.0530519372966585,2075,77,434,23,49,698,248,552,0.242,0.66,0.098,-0.9987,4,7,0,0,0,5,87.0,0,1,3,4,32,36,14,2,23,0,40,19,3,5,5,87,104,52,6,8,17,8,5,2,1,2,6,2,1,4,17,27,0,3,17,1,3,8,18,28,0,0,12,9,82,8,53,87,11,43,0,10,2,10,35,16,9,6,19,293,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800782033328305,0.0,0.0,0.2572813555765324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245770426422296,0.1581439726949138,0.0,0.0,0.07307120043163381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240143655790196,0.0,0.07417869452712741,0.13225129177326445,0.0,0.06860970358339047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548146206472932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417938324092232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567437079657317,0.0,0.054644499038997096,0.06197327915099071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396727731434024,0.09266716363430047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010806322011016,0.4796711959709984,0.16942453374069358,0.1244327581447694,0.07371902278728963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735249429217796,0.0,0.0,0.06403248429320904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347202482632544,0.06852457921070232,0.06505647728590201,0.0,0.0,0.07483583090469023,0.13886070480501542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350847998946145,0.0,0.14257400737374418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743044483884634,0.06337133635259197,0.0,0.11453916621531285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079866142725902,0.05513877847022227,0.05853563112796373,0.0,0.04329229703093087,0.0,0.06515719145154038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536021785743464,0.0,0.0,0.15191857742816747,0.051767934790833726,0.06893232232137024,0.04767707771490344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062231675451694994,0.0,0.0,0.06907018290854518,0.0,0.0493263815610659,0.0,0.0,0.2160468015488025,0.0,0.0,0.04496341364204645,0.0,0.0,0.07119309196065743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041548811099370635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693981334511927,0.05538719854783145,0.0616934970109753,0.0,0.0,0.06563836130412584,0.1033646572021021,0.05904303040501865,0.0,0.0,0.06657438774027327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495280310110032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181169797142624,0.0,0.15538373995656773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188522981053253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876410623959102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623001151630953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197327915099071,0.0,0.1761335489326416,0.0,0.0,0.06751802802693073,0.0,0.05601529540376832,0.0,0.0,0.22952468679114554,0.0,0.05202406794547295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058523011154662685,0.07241009933234513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047216391319849386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04176553644869057
bpd,shikani,2019/01/21,"Anyone willing to talk to me? I'm just really struggling right now... I need a hug and someone who understands what I have to deal with because I feel so alone in this... It's like all I do is cause others to suffer, I ruin everything, can't control my emotions no matter how much I try, always see the negatives in everything, just keep going through the same self-destructive cycles over and over again... I'm so tired of living like this, I hate myself, I hate being an awful person but I just can't stop it. I want to be a good friend so badly but it's so hard and I feel so trapped...",1.3228236914600586,3.3751038099173565,3.2631611570247934,89.62686294765842,81.14876033057851,6.0168044077135,20.82713498622589,7.1686216300943375,0.5965531680440779,455,13,95,6,12,153,81,121,0.221,0.645,0.134,-0.8398,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,2,1,5,1,8,2,0,3,1,22,20,11,0,2,5,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,4,14,5,12,17,3,9,0,2,1,1,5,5,0,0,5,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265381269392875,0.0,0.0,0.1467440733109786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331368939301995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725165339738086,0.10750626552134213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811683566241373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780061375395366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181746511962665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837913394408568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169985910230895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834391638331654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625383648844214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022837674671772,0.1479208134357514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798222418399102,0.34823423952790583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567551892371334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231932640283668,0.0,0.1557274400775515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296435011402726,0.1307673021905319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398909714303324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297951966243187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506088603213133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053457862892166,0.0,0.18397996854395288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942765230075514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744327478141844,0.0,0.18436778555706404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174996659566452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269770140796312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973557863819792,0.0,0.0,0.18359500965727504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402058116783096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,biteme6969,2019/01/21,"I failed to defend myself. Again. Two days ago I let my ex gf come to my concert. We were trying to remain friends and she really wanted to come. 

She unfortunately ended up missing the concert completely because she was late hanging out with her friend. Then at the apero after, she asked if she could spend the night at mine. We were only dating for 2 weeks before I broke up with her. I said her staying over would make me very uncomfortable and I would strongly prefer if she didn't. Aka I kindly told her no. She then proceeded to very clearly miss the last tram home on purpose (something she's done before). My friend who was with us realized what happened and suggested we get 2 ubers. When I asked jokingly if she would be angry if I got one to take me to my house and one to take her to hers, she got very angry and in a commanding and angry voice said ""yes, very."" At that moment I started having flashbacks to my abusive ex, and my narcissistic mother, who used anger as a threat. I panicked. I couldn't get myself to stand up and say that's unfair, or she's not welcome, or anything like that. I was terrified she would be angry, and what would happen if she was angry. Plus I was terrified of upsetting and hurting someone. So I booked one uber. And we got back to my place. And she immediately took her pants off and relaxed on my bed ready to sleep. No ""do you want me to sleep on the couch"" or anything. I was disassociating very strongly (ptsd survivor) and my friend was too drunk to act. I ended up spending the night with my ex in my bed, unable to sleep because she kept trying to cuddle me, and I was terrified of what might happen if she woke up and I was still asleep.

I have not spoken to her since. I am cutting all ties. Im hoping that posting here might give me support and confirmation that what I am doing is OK, and that I'm not a failure for panicking and not standing up for myself. I really thought I learned with my abusive ex all those years ago. But when push came to shove, I was so scared of letting someone down and angering someone that I let myself be pushed around. Again. I feel pathetic and weak. And I feel like once again, I pushed aside my own fears and anger and sadness just to satisfy the wants of someone who didn't even deserve it. ",3.8222282820412943,5.186405863134663,4.688295675886252,85.18049181924427,72.04635761589405,7.272016621218022,26.568562524347488,7.724431198458867,1.41885305804441,1788,60,359,22,34,579,212,453,0.209,0.6970000000000001,0.094,-0.9958,0,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,5,1,0,3,17,30,5,3,10,2,37,7,4,2,3,79,73,42,0,18,15,5,2,2,5,7,1,6,4,0,16,39,1,1,6,6,2,9,9,15,0,4,26,8,81,15,54,32,3,58,0,6,0,1,52,20,0,12,27,260,97,3,0.0,0.1808226227646936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352830941125822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558831038132154,0.0679294036622018,0.14267347946429235,0.0,0.0,0.0586753690828562,0.0,0.09303207191513026,0.0,0.12986326511016275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727487397994457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314634391925846,0.08000643256192118,0.0,0.0,0.06092492643133787,0.0,0.0,0.04921169911985751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808854921101133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517069708655685,0.0,0.0,0.050400050595710615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586658409591225,0.07716621898332475,0.05451373254691645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358183805089707,0.0,0.07973451097024857,0.07320062286948298,0.0,0.0,0.1830890242764764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243407127992055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765421377782516,0.07579006377014189,0.0,0.08804802717312267,0.08168821647428713,0.0,0.08242464905503606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794619929607771,0.0,0.06220038556617165,0.08607761417253333,0.0,0.0,0.2340872173431803,0.0,0.07455948678215871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050935511763355056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618993262151469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321789144910071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812644593915104,0.1551227841627039,0.05803490829909861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972456876439242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308100810494618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919879381375255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776843002778894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451708529339486,0.06068238524272788,0.0763966139588907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312193488216514,0.0,0.2290863093004177,0.0,0.2586186772936168,0.0587448528511263,0.0,0.0,0.05401048388234055,0.08133310380875848,0.060938864857314624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659227376165816,0.0,0.0,0.11474672758627595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060579230536021836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291460388331121,0.08477987925553185,0.10361488150155493,0.0,0.07454084637349769,0.0,0.09178791967384346,0.06590474365284796,0.0,0.31480631236614404,0.1350235282696826,0.0,0.06120886870292368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27103149982504426,0.0,0.0,0.04913920302184924
bpd,CanIBorrowAFeelingx,2019/01/21,has anyone here been able to make a friends with benefits type thing work? im just curious if anyone has been able to make a friend with benefits type thing work. i thought i was okay with the situation i am in but im not sure if i'm becoming possessive. im certain he is out on a date with another girl right now and its driving me absolutely mental. i want to be okay with this but i'm just not sure i can be.,2.0207383627608344,3.2113410898876427,4.218009630818621,87.46707865168541,76.30337078651688,8.681219903691815,26.19743178170145,9.23628265651192,1.9465589085072232,323,12,76,8,7,112,53,89,0.081,0.7190000000000001,0.19899999999999998,0.7566,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,4,2,10,0,0,2,3,22,16,5,0,3,8,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,6,9,11,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,46,10,4,0.3411414953728548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885830128668348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385340654995489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838198975661571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635650730869997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.552737032765802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277145971685056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189519499990674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456664865414775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172866703372007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32152182214515185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266392510659665,0.0,0.0,0.1354141207256185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060704632114033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483550716070388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iceicevanilla1,2019/01/21,"Daughter of BPD mom / Anger and fear Hi everyone,

​

I have a serious issue. Everytime I get mad at someone I love (for legitimate reasons) and let them know even a little bit, I immediately get really regretful and scared I will lose them. I know other people get mad without even worrying about it and I'd like to be a bit more like that, because expressing anger should be okay, too.

Can you give me some pointers (even as to literature) may be?",6.776744186046512,6.955594348837212,7.720325581395353,70.34676744186051,64.81395348837209,11.531162790697675,35.804651162790705,11.20814326018867,4.1923516279069775,358,16,65,10,5,121,62,86,0.267,0.605,0.128,-0.9351,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,1,5,13,4,2,3,1,9,1,0,1,0,12,16,5,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,10,4,8,9,4,2,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,2,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839239835646657,0.2062647509836393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347798476508507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706459281691343,0.0,0.21379410065311816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33635469319398903,0.0,0.0,0.16220333728937195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910158700756969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660620044759757,0.16283960535659522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771748296384582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865802497750447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358080936530082,0.0,0.16586248760266534,0.17013402969748692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899067568233386,0.0,0.0,0.15320594374492735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988090721733957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768323136320305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874615500502977,0.17453120490913648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994929797014424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382856899805868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363287972198762,0.0,0.0,0.17238929876882916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062647509836393,0.0
bpd,datyl,2019/01/21,"lapses in memory? i’ve read a little bit about people with bpd having lapses in memory and wanted to hear some other people’s experiences with it. personally, i will just sometimes black out a period of time in my day, but i don’t realize until i try to remember it. like, last semester i sat an exam and then afterwards i realized i remembered going to class and leaving class, but there was nothing from when i was actually taking the test.

also i’ve noticed that often i look at an old(ish) picture of me and i know logically what was going on/that i was there, but i don’t really feel like i remember the moment in time. like i don’t feel any memories or emotions connected to the photo. idk if that’s rly a memory thing or just a detachment thing.",4.8157999999999985,5.6285176466666655,7.1733333333333364,70.35000000000001,69.2,11.066666666666665,29.0,11.00357731598739,3.5454,597,21,108,19,10,215,90,150,0.012,0.914,0.07400000000000001,0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,27,19,14,0,2,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,7,0,0,9,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,5,15,3,17,13,2,19,0,0,2,0,2,7,0,5,13,77,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.15066354436119986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346659043258235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499131333783047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855520830703472,0.0,0.1944503173063721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995695544158112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366932453783185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510242233185516,0.0,0.0,0.1561296638307335,0.11029710732033936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548815889106512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401010824572954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484936829647374,0.12584943796050133,0.0,0.16347799320090325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262832317054308,0.15474054690108005,0.0,0.0,0.1296497273341646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481425246402913,0.17577540958416007,0.16200759769251427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407084302426727,0.13480844459457553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544329849199914,0.0,0.09890695899455612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246854136849269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269684899114505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160829715370235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514131189712034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005350581224872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482149332854383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106393253305407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_junosteel,2019/01/21,"BPD and sex I've realized a lot of my self worth is related to sex. It definitely is because of my BPD + other trauma things, but I have always been a highly sexual person.

I have a long term partner and in the past year or two, we have had sex really infrequently and it's messed with our relationship. I feel ugly, unattractive, and unwanted. My partner has a much lower sex drive and I believe their own MI is affecting their sex drive too, and I would hate to pressure them into something they don't want to do. But I just feel so empty and unsatisfied and I just want to feel like they want me. Even the few times we do have sex, I feel like they are doing it to just get me to shut up and not because they actually, like, want to have sex with me.

Does anyone else struggle with this? I feel really embarrassed to even bring this up in my counseling and I'm just tired of feeling like this. To make things worse, even when we do have sex I dissociate like 75% of the time either during or after and it's becoming concerning. I just want to feel normal. ",3.5032476635514023,4.764616556074767,5.010362149532714,82.96311331775702,72.69158878504672,8.527570093457943,24.589953271028037,9.017664075816787,1.7248046728971964,829,24,172,17,16,279,110,214,0.226,0.6859999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9853,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,4,0,7,0,11,11,1,3,7,0,19,9,0,2,0,48,36,17,0,8,11,0,7,5,2,1,1,0,0,4,10,18,0,0,8,0,1,3,2,6,0,1,2,7,29,5,23,33,6,18,0,0,0,8,16,7,0,3,13,121,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.1157351021917069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868351602208747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292688194071261,0.12151825651256068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459318235725216,0.1309828094497719,0.0,0.1336199822102276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987415096343428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378641313846007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099073892067593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349997228885252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419769024837908,0.25418053931943513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619628610196117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709154032771606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530590712908934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897063681057949,0.0,0.0,0.10495600774028772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082826824746127,0.0,0.0,0.07916547045816108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718359953674837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620142368427012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321576056512996,0.0,0.10355570206189993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195456943801788,0.0,0.0,0.12733048641853967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372418022685487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913029780590258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398498221744625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758324813622462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831156689900762,0.136311616634377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585357577093988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497625647391142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086208117270175,0.08424902567904355,0.0,0.0,0.07637359458048071
bpd,LegDullFeel,2019/01/21,"How do you deal with anxiety? (Lowkey call for help lol) I am super anxious about a few things tomorrow. So much so that it’s got me sitting in my bed refusing to do much at all. I don’t even wanna browse media or anything. 

Ahhhh. ",-0.535178571428574,1.688831791666665,2.32595238095238,90.6,95.66666666666666,6.076190476190478,19.357142857142858,7.447530270364453,0.9165142857142854,178,6,38,4,7,62,43,48,0.125,0.745,0.129,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,6,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,7,4,4,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828678133548605,0.3814269130863931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778415347252213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34475898769117114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480827228322688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300208299997495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27003434391764986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263069339958305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963952483302238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430702565306684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xiojqwnko,2019/01/21,"How many of you are on a mood stabilizer, and how is it? What other meds do you take? I was wondering what meds people are taking and how it's working out for you?  I just got back on Lamictal a few weeks ago, and it's almost been like night and day with regards to mood stability.",3.3480508474576283,3.918829864406781,5.162500000000001,84.32137711864408,72.38983050847456,8.611864406779661,24.91949152542373,8.841846274778883,1.5062847457627115,218,6,49,4,4,75,42,59,0.0,0.95,0.05,0.414,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,12,10,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,7,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,6,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243668915836556,0.0,0.25345327093737346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462609515256146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632351186746788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024353229030058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365684269066203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25661398250581746,0.0,0.0,0.5622966727000797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752674592775685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547472051509894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806146918328763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302970889767374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27448717956049185,0.18426721637599008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,XtinaTeixeira,2019/01/21,DAE have siblings who steal your medication? I'm so sick of my sister stealing my anti depressants I know i'm not crazy cause at the end of the month I am always short by a few days. Now it's gonna be at least 2 weeks before I can get a refill. Last time she stole my pills she mixed it with weed and fell dozed off at the wheel and caused a car crash. I'm sorry I'm just ranting cause it really fucks my life up and well I don't know who else to rant to without sounding like a fucking crazy person.,0.39754545454545465,2.2475720272727315,2.255454545454544,96.70318181818182,83.27272727272728,5.090909090909091,17.272727272727273,6.1124844417494595,-0.5263636363636364,393,8,94,3,11,130,79,110,0.243,0.7040000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,2,0,7,0,5,6,0,3,0,12,15,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,0,1,11,2,12,13,2,15,0,1,0,2,7,6,2,0,8,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611671815718451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481754535522186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5969248250027414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491525520807048,0.0,0.16682655424353876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618047329030442,0.0,0.17155353732144135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581300907406284,0.10119602619776537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289601137985026,0.1578847545603951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681032088666215,0.09462808118951896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951242172007743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460303090800684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691243006914609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408399432083048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168222302301216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129433076285481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536796314227988,0.0,0.17415228435680527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671208482897744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,radblush,2019/01/21,"Mania is crazy bad right now. I feel like I'm going blind I'm so worked up by weird imaginary things. I'm angry at my partner for no good reason, I want to relapse into self harm, my teeth hurt, my skin hurts, my hearts pounding. I just want to die. How do you cope with the overwhelming madness. ",1.4123497267759542,3.4589017377049203,2.689754098360656,93.88632513661207,80.80327868852459,5.3781420765027335,20.002732240437158,6.42735559955562,0.054702732240437424,230,6,50,2,6,74,49,61,0.40399999999999997,0.496,0.099,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,4,9,1,1,1,0,2,4,3,2,0,8,9,2,1,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,3,8,2,8,9,0,6,0,3,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,25,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21535957907976366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676891300295019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041643294862582,0.18426421921801234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658674812818795,0.21633824397673135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056465928050007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5522357294097234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601086896211172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26519352397861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026958622291345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690757466594164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135627843936696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30426590206741844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777506809593975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JackGhost1,2019/01/21,"I lost a friend I got really paranoid and started blaming them of all sorts of things and they finaly had enough. The weirdest part is that I almost feel...happy in a way. Like yeah, I was sad and cried but I feel like a bunch of stress got out of my body...do I really just break my relationships on purpose now? Just to be sure that I *do* actualy get abandoned? What is wrong with me?",0.22721518987341585,2.5592333037974697,1.979607594936713,94.94055063291141,89.37974683544304,5.185316455696203,18.026582278481012,6.742157984588678,0.007145822784810463,297,8,66,4,10,97,57,79,0.263,0.604,0.133,-0.8869,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,3,9,0,1,4,1,6,0,0,0,2,14,12,4,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,12,4,9,6,4,7,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,2,4,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141501905235209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428847590728333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284711984450427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236050649069712,0.15796480461364346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708331215870508,0.0,0.11552361082173022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35369218721594897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353813337393833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160515197065412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413734548604411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394463073839677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833042285892041,0.0,0.0,0.23739506725006226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650653761819616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532868132257368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083985404138971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689917097236255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755110220844305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417548541568429,0.0,0.0
bpd,vegetable_sauce,2019/01/21,"How do I prepare for a breakup? I am basically just waiting for my partner to get tired of my modd swings, lash outs, and suicide ideation. She has every right to leave because I know how difficult it is to watch me deal with my issues.

I see a therapist once a week, work out regularly, usually sleep 7-8 hours, meditate and eat healthy. I do everything to keep me stable but I tend to have lash outs when I say verbally abusive things. I honestly think it’s best for her to leave, because it hurts me to have her be with me since I know how horrible I can be.

We haven’t spoken in a few days, she said she’s thinking about leaving. I am not ok with it. But it’s for the best.

I want to prepare myself for a breakup and I need coping strategies to be less self-destructive ",2.5478374455732933,4.079167779874215,4.022767295597487,88.0056748911466,75.60377358490565,7.659603289791969,28.58297048863087,8.384062270229773,1.9353934204160623,603,26,131,11,13,200,96,159,0.156,0.721,0.12300000000000001,-0.5239,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,6,1,13,3,1,3,0,25,25,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,6,10,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,27,4,23,21,4,10,0,1,2,0,10,5,0,0,5,90,33,1,0.0,0.18079309131825166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603375635321656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202656209318275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840732400481393,0.15731262658411893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613670812384214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285628689735238,0.0,0.13713721326082892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972148895229368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026949299820705,0.0,0.16334975076519626,0.0,0.0,0.15926334071788434,0.0,0.13562817264754695,0.0,0.0,0.1677179199313353,0.0,0.0,0.4847093653968418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131428587752936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250237501329265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031022838426393,0.14514714403512388,0.1213449495296222,0.0,0.0,0.12159372959832104,0.0,0.15918367397472075,0.0,0.0,0.1262232519676101,0.0,0.15269926370886433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166907671679742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716766609108545,0.10137339503563574,0.19554582406169754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537868427584874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805529825927332,0.0,0.09000098440241433,0.0,0.12239774448239304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108665716423473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AmerikkkasMostWanted,2019/01/21,"My struggle and being diagnosed This is going to very rambly but I’m trying my best. I’ve always had mental issues and been diagnosed with ADHD, was always the trouble child and the weird one but still had friends.

I met the love of my life sometime ago and she was my first in every way, kiss, sex etc and she told me about her previous partners, all one night stands and some of the details and ever since then it would destroy me, images, nightmares, suicidal ideation, smoking weed and drinking constantly, I’ve never told her or anyone, 

About a year later I finally met my birth mother, after 20 years of never speaking, she told me how she has BPD and her struggle and it all made sense. I saw a psychologist and have been going and I have it, it all makes sense now.

I’ve always wanted to join the military or to help people but now I can’t, My life feels ruined but I still try for the people who care about me. If anyone has any coping strategy’s I would love to hear it, things have just been crazy lately. 

",5.7147014925373165,5.8644362537313475,6.088768656716418,81.24270522388059,67.05970149253731,8.491044776119404,27.695273631840802,8.07648339933343,1.7062467661691545,801,22,154,9,12,258,117,201,0.121,0.725,0.153,0.8873,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,1,2,8,0,17,9,0,3,6,35,34,21,1,4,8,1,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,2,8,13,1,0,1,1,0,2,3,6,0,3,14,4,24,6,14,17,6,24,0,1,1,4,22,1,0,4,19,109,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160847894748768,0.0,0.10444897664939766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941314092383567,0.0,0.0,0.0801282803084015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477862181498354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365506815979185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840246336425686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013529769038535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273321154647072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918946102329844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542831079689067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314113341346092,0.0,0.10658376773005904,0.09927665841550594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957826924038372,0.0,0.0,0.1290767473649794,0.0,0.10022593735726076,0.0,0.0,0.09103498364245872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393074092884885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280270802160846,0.0,0.07897880729464755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298366084081312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291710648280627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645329439193732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126919254023988,0.11149337202638007,0.07865228266243479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874468860195593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817551564726066,0.0,0.0,0.11057525182928092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968899555491842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337664488976053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974699986841722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653664983504393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881980040233414,0.0,0.0,0.2463625065530889,0.0,0.1288866376472167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828085972043401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377741679416421,0.0,0.15999735088080685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722189571462854,0.06949904787375145,0.09352778241182977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740576777712451,0.0,0.0,0.1517570100733461
bpd,ArtVulture,2019/01/21,"Medications to treat BPD? My therapist recently referred me to a psychiatrist to look at my options for medication. I was wondering what type of medications would be offered? I feel like I don’t even need it because my moods are so up and down. Throughout the day I feel incredibly happy and then minutes later suicidal. I feel like my “happy” moments should be enough to keep me going. I’m scared medication will regulate my moods to the point where I’m numb. I like feeling, but when I’m down in the dumbs it’s unbearable. ",3.8604555555555535,6.172916490000002,5.4993333333333325,75.42522222222225,74.1,9.244444444444444,31.11111111111111,9.725611199111238,3.4135777777777783,419,20,76,12,9,142,67,100,0.096,0.767,0.13699999999999998,0.2624,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,4,0,8,5,0,0,0,14,20,6,1,3,1,0,4,3,0,3,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,5,13,6,12,14,1,14,0,0,1,0,1,7,1,2,9,49,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362561808836256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934382937852465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905134116497843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586971196915641,0.0,0.10144320752122736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106341629990388,0.2194461242856044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728741229544258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32699386135171216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365157780312936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510553266078795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897496076454792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6188936771672884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388331120948228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518999208079258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164929517946268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376805126482185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799998270244187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783271226492515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655927651355612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910427412896848,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amigoingmadalready,2019/01/21,"“I wish I never met you” I texted this after telling the guy I liked that I regret getting the abortion everyday and I wish I kept my baby and spoke up about how I felt. I also said I cared about him but was concerned he was having a seizure in his sleep. Probably drug use/alcohol. 
He never responded and I have accepted that he never will. I feel better saying how I felt, but I can’t help but think am I doing this out of bpd, or is this reality like he didn’t really care about me and just got me pregnant recklessly. I felt so in love though. 
But I also would get calls at 5 in the morning to come over. Is my mind playing tricks on me or is this valid reasons to cut someone off? ",3.1708333333333307,3.8673066388888913,4.8579444444444455,85.8815,72.8888888888889,7.982222222222222,26.20555555555556,8.238735603445708,1.5046938888888888,532,17,116,8,10,181,93,144,0.064,0.732,0.204,0.9670000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,10,11,2,0,4,0,13,3,1,3,3,31,31,16,0,4,7,0,4,2,0,2,1,3,0,1,6,6,0,1,7,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,11,7,25,8,16,18,0,15,0,1,0,1,17,9,0,2,7,84,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460900999268545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313862562384253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794950149555173,0.0,0.0,0.18220771622612894,0.0,0.14772498743086468,0.0,0.2950028959638338,0.0,0.0,0.1246210212947092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677721134118428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314986644359403,0.0,0.4167197559782396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116896759395085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570639630973185,0.0,0.0,0.14324676483599227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696973878458724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135761922963755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057097944589546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607619328842672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33473695000509746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597951250647596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267977222621322,0.14874560223850822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761499064656435,0.11504796877357674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477520647562694,0.0,0.1225790375185746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644859202432054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926991603180057,0.14213825475074132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249490582724264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327283926793712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276993365966657,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pennywhipper,2019/01/21,"Met someone very handsome today! Met a guy today, and we started talking about what we are interested in and looking for in a relationship.  Things are looking really good so far, I’m looking forward to what may develop! He mentioned that he has BPD, and I don’t have much experience in the field. So going into a possible relationship, what are some things I should know.  It sounds like it can be a little rough at times, so I want to know what I can do to better myself to help long term. ",5.459062499999997,5.930643447916665,6.629166666666666,76.0325,67.64583333333334,9.316666666666668,31.625,9.2995712137729,2.7511375,385,15,73,7,6,130,63,96,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.9572,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,0,0,12,23,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,7,5,11,18,3,15,0,0,3,0,12,8,0,2,8,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939216006703733,0.0,0.0,0.2269839360896154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629219190067408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242460283429036,0.1511620866151377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844861451545024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079934619009887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809115107080266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804761256427802,0.18063029618474116,0.0,0.1594912456745781,0.4540245420667625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248427785970446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317379548537615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545515157924015,0.0,0.0,0.386983048011791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270194366254156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756241665599669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485602283098253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394636484734085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508919199037836,0.0,0.3416597237963558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870244107225236,0.10629990286713943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,miss_sei,2019/01/21,"Inner monologue is torturing me In my head my inner monologue is just repeating “I want to die”, “I hope I die”, “I need to die” over and over and over in all sorts of variations. I’m sitting at my desk at work just wanting to break down and cry. I’m terrified and just want it to end. I have a psych appointment in 48 hours but that’s not soon enough. I’m just venting but I’m genuinely stuck for what to do. I’m medication compliant, and if I go to hospital they’ll just take one look at me and discharge me, or at best hold me overnight if I cause a scene. The crisis teams are useless, I don’t fit their “criteria” because I have a job and an apartment and to them that’s not indicative of someone on the edge. Sorry for the intense rant but I need to get it out of my head!",2.100517482517485,3.3206242545454607,3.877575757575759,89.86867132867134,76.15151515151516,7.7435897435897445,26.631701631701628,8.384062270229773,1.5903659673659667,602,23,139,11,13,203,92,165,0.18100000000000002,0.733,0.086,-0.9463,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,3,3,6,4,1,0,7,0,8,3,2,1,1,32,24,14,3,8,13,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,1,21,2,26,22,3,24,0,1,1,0,4,17,0,5,4,92,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051536473770271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810268137923762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720375083206774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894817957926864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370794587659461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527827073454128,0.17823733828968785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012348621015316,0.0,0.0980350246051836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35406700197631696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133019777605882,0.16987653840904554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117840939679527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485551947866845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173774360109698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25581130023084203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688962892186427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461576456238386,0.0,0.0,0.1930982471387845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969760515795511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30523272645641525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558115693328226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Soulsinati,2019/01/21,"How to cope with intrusive, physically painful cringe-y memories? Sometimes I'm perfectly happy then out of nowhere I get hit with this \*\*intense\*\* wave of shame, self-loathing and regret because of something I've done. It's usually something awkward, outlandish or overly sexual that I enjoyed at the time.

My default reaction is scrunching my face up and muttering ""I hate myself"". It completely ruins my mood - they hit randomly and I can go from happy to suicidal in 15 seconds. If the memory persists for long enough, I start ghosting people and avoiding places.  

I have a feeling that this is the \*least\* healthy way to deal with it. I'm trying to talk myself through it with

* no one remembers anyway 
* it's a learning experience, people make mistakes all the time 
* you had fun, who cares what people think  

And other helpful phrases but none of it really works when the memories hit. Are there any coping techniques that would help?  ",4.186052631578948,7.312345023809524,4.434611528822057,79.01740601503761,77.92857142857143,7.346365914786968,32.05639097744361,8.371475516178862,3.160364285714285,756,39,118,16,19,236,120,168,0.111,0.762,0.128,0.6204,0,1,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,1,3,4,15,1,3,7,0,8,2,1,2,2,26,21,11,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,2,1,13,6,20,15,4,15,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,3,7,82,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166922249963493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010160136669398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742422570674967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721722811116327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929449950332934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680450335784221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967402873019902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063002795600978,0.0,0.0,0.08303009846637116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579355557719265,0.0,0.093324988697882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496116749530294,0.0,0.16212452761897905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201345634923618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453217126364877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961222703059437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127373448382658,0.0,0.17473225614827498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415300348245263,0.0,0.17156571572145918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519787646799222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601923765688502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130805708238084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528355532192409,0.1624090399757036,0.0,0.11622950700580953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796203607672806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319867133426239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521988327742153,0.0,0.0,0.1915057004543876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148860119108056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085539746851187,0.0,0.0,0.1303431785113324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954768307209485,0.0,0.0,0.11665089939329353,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spcintraining,2019/01/21,"Please i need advice ASAP Hey guys,

Here is the deal. I am upset because the girl in the movie that me, my boyfriend and his family are watching. I am getting insecure so i left the room to say i was doing homework but i cant get over this right now and i am so angry and uncomfortable what do i do. I am removing myself from seeing her but i know that my boyfriend will be angry if he knows i am upset. Please help me.",-0.18510725229826264,2.013707179775281,2.2823084780388183,93.11036772216549,89.56179775280899,5.034116445352401,18.20326864147089,6.574015621080383,0.013642696629213802,325,9,72,4,11,111,60,89,0.22899999999999998,0.688,0.083,-0.9474,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,4,0,14,0,0,0,0,9,20,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,18,0,4,17,0,7,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,1,1,54,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477707129274961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456458835377607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614037564737398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390288001787405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649437255777549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510590113610528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995236701555885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27869405813124304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754879174584378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800759318721685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566538270167257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165343236983136,0.0,0.20163687000164685,0.0,0.0,0.20205026367452475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kenxqueen,2019/01/21,"Dating with BPD I wanna hear about your experience dating with bpd do I can confirm if it’s similar with mine. Also hookup life. I wanna briefly share my experiences I have only been in one relationship it last for a couples months and it was kinda mutual the breakup but I think he wanted to end things with me more than I wanted to end things with him. At the time he was my FP but right now I don’t think I have a FP. I would constantly text him and I asked him a lot if he still liked me. I got pretty jealous when he would talk to other girls and overall our relationships had a lot of ups and downs and a lot of crying. There was a bit of fighting towards the end but not a lot at the beginning which is the case for most relationships. 

My ex didn’t understand my emotions he would constantly say that he hates me being like this and that he didn’t wanna hear the brut of my sorrows. I just didn’t think he cared about me. Also there was a lot of idealization and then immediate devaluation. Sometimes I would think he was my world and that he was perfect and other times I would think he was the worst guy ever and that I deserved much better. 

",2.1496324951644112,4.198107702127661,3.6899516441005815,87.63295454545454,78.36170212765958,6.655705996131528,21.74564796905223,7.686295010490155,0.8270851063829787,910,26,192,14,22,301,118,235,0.099,0.7829999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.5927,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,1,1,0,3,11,12,3,0,15,0,24,1,0,0,2,48,39,19,0,13,7,1,0,2,0,5,1,3,0,2,13,15,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,13,3,31,7,27,20,10,25,0,1,0,0,29,8,0,9,19,146,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550141509098662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060733475026717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571807010540959,0.10581179250842668,0.0,0.2441352816643977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881663711837864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20947268104032776,0.0,0.0,0.10724039455750256,0.10646232512084756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090222172168188,0.2575276774352557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766989969621322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961317116253049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751596430304743,0.0,0.0,0.09596626862209064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568866480394504,0.0,0.0,0.2184722934758173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900292581005296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684576269643818,0.0947006605999252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119905817316261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736080544852336,0.0,0.07124752316968704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567565831574765,0.07371220472370313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986027205932896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121681771405367,0.0,0.08276934956957586,0.0,0.07707485951526959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585658885550603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740062341172378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790081215409034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877899263619855,0.31051285976005405,0.0,0.0,0.1130299347541747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089738081234384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433212928830913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34424676435624296,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,galmypal,2019/04/26,"How do you have The Talk I'm finally going to tell my friend about my BPD. I haven't told a single soul and she's my oldest friend and the only one I know I can trust not to judge me on this. 

The only thing is BPD has such a terrible reputation, I'm still unsure on how to reveal this. How did you do it, or how do you think someone should go at this? I'd rather do it in a public place because if it's too quiet and cserious I don't think I'll be able to do it. I really need advices on this. It's really impirtant to me because I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't talk to someone and this is going to be my only chance because she lives two hours away from me. 

Thanks.",1.7478787878787865,2.3248260457516348,4.2567676767676765,89.31727272727274,76.12418300653594,7.3937017231134865,21.752228163992868,7.686295010490155,0.6388352941176465,527,12,127,7,11,187,79,153,0.035,0.848,0.11699999999999999,0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,0,17,0,0,4,0,20,31,11,0,5,5,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,2,2,19,5,16,26,1,15,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,3,5,88,30,0,0.14916580053160158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576309389938216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014617983732855,0.0,0.0,0.2727902624914785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757382079463146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542271067960088,0.1065640777045124,0.0,0.16340384331564162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304902549378972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33909744787732554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689826636126524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819776229494719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287487548412197,0.0,0.13171613471355598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060455102118699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107860688147363,0.3403419389180617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584651323326085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111886285832413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527753974582144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912400098985668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978764033440306,0.13037748441341698,0.13733182807215824,0.0,0.0,0.09909912976194217,0.1911588438592196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425343147678929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571331248083552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LordOvWolves,2019/04/26,"My fiancée is on a self hating rage and I need help calming her down We’re supposed to be going out tonight and she’s getting ready and started freaking out and screaming at everyone because she said she has nothing to wear. I’m trying to help her but she’s snapping at me and crying :/

What can I do to help her relax",1.3392857142857153,3.600579984848487,2.9265367965367983,90.87409090909094,82.48484848484848,4.377489177489178,27.61038961038961,5.288315135182226,0.8755480519480527,253,12,50,1,7,83,47,66,0.19699999999999998,0.615,0.188,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,9,12,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,11,2,10,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,2,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722048614077666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103048462673002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26993377655358275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475907192905871,0.0,0.16054704944957396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27890294888644074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680464869647072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946467669754246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710592598304422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687151440929282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947013816476316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994970981641053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179392591659064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xganja_goddessx,2019/04/26,"I don’t know if people push me away or if I’m pushing people away. I don’t have many friends, but I like it that way! I’ve been screwed over by so many people just trying to be there for them so I have a lot of trust issues and usually isolate myself and only ever hang out with my boyfriend and his couple of good friends because I trust them. 
  I recently linked up with this girl a few years older than me who’s been through a lot like me and we hit it off right away and got deep immediately but now that it’s a few weeks into the friendship we aren’t as connected and I don’t know if it’s because of me or not.",3.858833333333333,3.482675948148149,5.063842592592593,88.8135416666667,71.0,7.9351851851851825,27.24537037037037,7.1686216300943375,1.0793148148148148,483,14,115,4,8,161,81,135,0.046,0.7440000000000001,0.21,0.9753,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,2,0,8,8,1,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,1,27,14,16,0,3,9,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,0,18,7,19,9,4,21,0,0,0,1,9,10,1,7,9,83,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735334122968077,0.0,0.0,0.20482629714657613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858922676456261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519684492586894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595976026569566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091305441606888,0.13436745027364122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753516189207118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846602529459024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641556861022133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856605062028827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34065760895288383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277739507187329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494166498954944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588282262223247,0.0,0.0,0.14347375488992511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406309711454007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185031712163862,0.0,0.0,0.13335306452786833,0.13476197692756992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818850738787322
bpd,eryg5,2019/04/26,"Michael Scott has BPD? What do you think? If not, why?",-2.46939393939394,-2.488785818181816,-2.3599999999999994,118.51333333333336,134.45454545454544,1.4666666666666668,12.757575757575758,3.1291,-2.3528424242424237,40,1,11,0,3,11,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7511934250214634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821737145833927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5381929859130966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jader14,2019/04/26,Starting into a really bad split and everybody is dismissing me It all started because one of my friends is ignoring me. I tried to talk to 2 others about how I'm feeling abandoned and got one word responses. Nobody else is trying to help me. I want to crash my car into a solid wall and end this torment. Please help,1.91,4.431124444444446,3.8406349206349217,83.55714285714289,82.33333333333334,6.7746031746031745,26.46031746031746,7.957251820313856,2.0424984126984134,252,11,46,5,7,85,47,63,0.166,0.627,0.207,0.0018,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,12,9,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,7,1,8,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209050994459592,0.16214501352620253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220048424831806,0.0,0.2355881585378459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449251815257265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550318675174856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273647325186826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565749327455793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604833676316044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919771057276404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039998231742304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765381318239596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379265793982946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611794517037543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688777262115092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Out_from_the_ashes,2019/04/26,"Trying to diffuse a TENSEFUL situation with logic..... and these ""people"" just want drama or to be the victim..... uggh
""If you are in a mental state where you can claim to be the victim, you are not that hurt""
And the more you let them win, the more they think they can win and be in control...WHERE oh where is the boundaries, and its not like you can use children against your own parents....I would never want my children to grow up hating or having a bad attitude....ugghhhh, grrrrrrrrr",3.273145161290324,5.236681838709679,4.1695564516129044,85.87433467741937,74.6989247311828,5.940322580645162,24.528225806451612,6.6274283507984215,0.8699903225806449,373,12,71,3,8,120,61,93,0.10800000000000001,0.765,0.127,0.242,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,6,3,2,3,8,3,0,8,0,12,0,0,1,1,18,17,7,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,10,3,9,12,3,8,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,3,2,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238770084917942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207357489929048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823327175791561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061330556302878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29242012382457466,0.0,0.1397087884886857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28818697467298304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055499615075985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825316642510785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214383305511329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832357881029125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941524839927533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469832422076177,0.0,0.0,0.3373409048471635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314239873168852,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vladamaka,2019/04/26,"Having BPD is like a partymix of disorders in your brain Reposting it cause it got removed for not being long enough so imma elaborate 
Thought of this while complaining why my friends aren’t able to fix their anger problems but I got a party of problems in my brain and somehow I’m still more mature than them",4.352,6.428963533333337,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,72.0,7.466666666666668,30.33333333333333,8.238735603445708,2.2922333333333333,252,11,46,4,5,78,50,60,0.135,0.695,0.17,0.517,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,2,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,4,2,2,1,0,8,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,6,2,8,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,32,9,0,0.21858504717938693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753002149901097,0.4880264061351399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245470554756201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505174013879608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258567852025324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887826522714078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34964486070686057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678961289463954,0.0,0.0,0.19344088828346195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183127391904733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745623010352746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353211127373042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723900635021024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,papahedgehog,2019/04/26,"DAE feel like their anger isn’t really theirs? Not sure if it makes sense, but I get extremely bad bursts of anger that feel like they don’t belong to me. As if someone just thrusted their angry feelings onto me. I can be perfectly calm and it hits like a bag of bricks out of nowhere or at the slightest tick which sets me off.",5.152313432835822,5.162364492537313,5.032052238805972,88.81882462686569,68.25373134328359,8.491044776119404,27.19776119402985,8.07648339933343,1.3651522388059707,259,7,57,3,4,80,54,67,0.213,0.593,0.19399999999999998,-0.3924,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,4,1,1,9,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,2,14,10,6,0,2,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,9,6,9,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,3,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26506164926027936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481544330961041,0.453579804105156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585712524445126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465277405739833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190366507865632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336978990343216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689785754530226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299197562925266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Woman_respector420,2019/04/26,Why does it feel like im a bystander in my own life? It feels like everyone else is lined up with popcorn waiting for me to have another breakdown including myself. Sometimes i make decisions with the sole purpose of fucking myself over. I feel so lost.,4.489374999999999,6.600459187500004,5.069166666666664,80.0925,71.70833333333334,8.133333333333335,34.91666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.331816666666666,203,11,35,4,4,65,41,48,0.061,0.8370000000000001,0.102,0.252,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,8,9,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,6,2,8,8,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27327592763383235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280645880101055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770909788364345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249027321644788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39532197553234294,0.3723646042360539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093293682221664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28150724955642603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407898833994255,0.25464513701926145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284490368636313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396150284700526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577533678083828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351631045200344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Funny_Cheesecake,2019/04/26,"DAE have a good couple of days and then one day you crash?? I literally will have great days in a row (maybe 5 max?) and then I will crash in anger,  isolation, or depression because of something as simple as my fp delaying plans or texting back late.

Does anyone else do this? Where you think you have everything under control but then youre reminded by your BPD that you are not?",3.703963963963965,5.478546243243244,4.368648648648648,85.70855855855856,73.05405405405405,8.176576576576577,25.84684684684685,8.841846274778883,1.8574036036036048,298,10,60,6,6,95,56,74,0.146,0.795,0.059000000000000004,-0.6917,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,2,2,4,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,8,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,9,2,8,6,0,13,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,9,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045580608298687,0.23512652768570425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645381546972064,0.0,0.139887181853915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28901852220307256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25737821226356633,0.0,0.25391217643085745,0.0,0.44398146332157934,0.0,0.19764839117146205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081705944882172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169876934297125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623932630735173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247460256126347,0.0,0.2529994424130592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588602966574582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054070880730135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549970149111295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666277326949448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703973508633286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ekball15,2019/04/26,"Just diagnosed I had testing done and finally got the results back. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, awful anxiety (the highest it'll go on a chart) depression, anger prone, and PTSD. Plus I have panic attacks. I'm glad I got it done so maybe people will understand that I'm not ""faking it"" my anxiety is literally ruining my life. I worry about everything that isn't even relevant at that time. Also it's so bad that it causes OCD but I didn't get the diagnosis for that but she thinks my anxiety causes me to be OCD. I just want to get my anxiety under control but I'm not sure how. I don't have many hobbies anymore hense why it's ruining my life.",2.1954135338345857,4.6483588796992485,4.883421052631583,76.97144736842105,80.50375939849624,9.213533834586466,28.296992481203013,9.606745405546679,3.336106766917293,533,25,99,18,14,189,83,133,0.231,0.731,0.039,-0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,1,4,1,13,4,0,5,1,20,24,10,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,7,0,15,2,9,14,0,7,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,66,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451676402116097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381895741323217,0.0,0.14201564292284524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291035401874174,0.0,0.11011174517514426,0.11956578440311215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294211116398548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606106620418372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333770865206282,0.29068940211110983,0.0,0.0,0.16411928489442504,0.0,0.0,0.2930860620468392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458206424185513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869867439814842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686829326613955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963188627280427,0.0,0.08138370068301796,0.0,0.2290597946022703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229239373345012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451820395816415,0.14386336568076533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801401683811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992766550389476,0.12503647167714108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739280907599613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349640410164753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175659816336093,0.0,0.0,0.08350090807578787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907595830472006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446290479221556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921547364030386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542626632557246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MarthaFaquaur,2019/04/26,"Autistic spectrum PDA (Pathological demand avoidance) or BPD? I came across this today and I'm wondering if it rings true for anyone else here? 

​

 

The distinctive features of a demand avoidant profile include:

* [resists and avoids](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx#resists) the ordinary demands of life
* uses social strategies as part of avoidance, eg [distracting, giving excuses](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx#distracting)
* [appears sociable](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx#sociable), but lacks understanding
* experiences [excessive mood swings](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx#mood) and impulsivity
* appears [comfortable in role play](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx#roleplay) and pretence
* displays [obsessive behaviour](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx#obsessive) that is often focused on other people.   

People with this profile can appear controlling and dominating, especially when they feel anxious. However, they can also be enigmatic and charming when they feel secure and in control. It’s important to acknowledge that these people have a hidden disability.",14.015807050092768,19.85015206802721,7.645841063698209,52.14683209647498,65.73469387755102,10.563883735312313,42.05596784168213,9.688023934748609,6.86798231292517,1002,52,80,29,22,257,105,147,0.07200000000000001,0.795,0.133,0.8809,1,4,0,0,0,0,120.0,0,0,3,2,5,10,0,5,4,0,5,2,0,3,2,30,16,14,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,9,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,4,11,14,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,7,3,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589305016776044,0.0,0.1976680384128938,0.2216782603902498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609940520884826,0.0,0.1275626596808742,0.18692602010054246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977025443499266,0.0,0.0,0.20865681933914632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092323001795107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240087268822528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845624886832526,0.0,0.0,0.18448904110922693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750080916198235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885910023643796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755911908700324,0.0,0.3794319758653391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185969312354454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292686658646222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899210691959351,0.0,0.1575650993563747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784276729361308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216782603902498,0.0
bpd,turtledoved,2019/04/26,"I fucked up. I'm a 33m. As long as I can remember I've been depressed and I thought that's all that was wrong with me. Sometime last fall I decided that that wasn't going to be who I am anymore. I fought hard over the past few months but I finally overcame it. I'm down to 180lbs (was 235), got a new promotion at work, and am creating new relationships with people. That's where the problem comes in. I met a friend last October who I grew to absolutely adore. You see, I have done this thing my adult life were if I felt the depression was flaring up badly I would just cut contact with people I cared about. Pretend they don't exist so I wouldn't be a burden on them during these spells. Well recently I had a few things in my life trigger a very bad spell and I knew it would be a doozy. I knew that I wouldn't be able to cut contact with this friend because of the way I was beginning to feel about them, but at the same time I didn't want to burden them with my bullshit. So I made a genius plan I would sent them the most vile and disrespectful message I could to force them to cut me out so I didn't have a choice but stop contact.

I know now that that was one of the most regrettable mistakes in my life. This just happened this past Monday. Wednesday I began researching what the hell could possibly be wrong with me because it certainly wasn't JUST depression. I feel like I have beat that for the most part anyway. I think I have BPD and/or one of the bipolars. I made an appointment for an eval that is two weeks from yesterday. If it turns out that these things do affect me I plan on contacting this friend again to explain and apologize. I just hope they can forgive me because right now I want nothing more in the world than to pick up where we left off before I fucked everything up with my stupid broken brain.",3.178222386133136,4.575436700534759,3.9214733542319777,89.9177272727273,73.70588235294117,7.51156186612576,25.196016964779638,8.104835398774808,1.2693783145860218,1442,46,314,22,29,459,185,374,0.222,0.6609999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,7,5,16,30,9,0,22,0,36,7,1,5,2,61,66,15,0,14,9,0,4,1,3,5,4,0,0,1,28,16,0,1,12,1,0,5,7,20,1,3,24,5,54,10,45,30,9,49,1,3,1,2,27,22,3,6,22,221,82,3,0.1011434214451751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003070960255304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689010642863701,0.18496827280104505,0.0,0.08606560208485274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738659861687834,0.11290950847061294,0.0,0.0,0.10312245901903427,0.0,0.0,0.08712610172443433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615095838177292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26134404205146616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350483638428704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090118542946006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228230580491857,0.07225688048984429,0.0971135459939266,0.11079767434180676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344294695343121,0.18701092664536875,0.0,0.0,0.05748213725835489,0.0,0.08089363375709553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944079355268943,0.0,0.09060463902226926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045823913164773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055585779297282666,0.16489077582090186,0.0,0.0,0.10989262334183983,0.0,0.21432176919918128,0.04941356676655693,0.0,0.0,0.08950874518112177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140870183409028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073171403301171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953698933926036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704984072980677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707479996714358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952846907065733,0.193105680772216,0.1402402265713119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140240106011072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967805946055983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986692664382933,0.10859018276331124,0.1145757797657282,0.08637592927591377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059821180888561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003343003986788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456042923078053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158558484534272,0.06480862046970799,0.0,0.0802965787976603,0.05897754241853088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001499846774401,0.0988024260379934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345391528827073,0.1193140210081057,0.08028294010442992,0.08113115180618646,0.0,0.09094008271581172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363361542442297,0.0,0.0,0.2155481539443686,0.22116890717999815,0.0,0.0
bpd,bassecat,2019/04/26,"Got diagnosed today Just got diagnosed with BPD today. I'm okay with it.

I've experienced a lot of people who're very judgemental when it comes to BPD, so I would like some advice on how to handle that. It's not that I want the confrontation, I do however want to be prepared should the need arise.

Advice on handling either family or strangers would be much appreciated!",5.438732394366199,6.794395971830987,6.401521126760564,74.45861971830986,68.15492957746478,10.187042253521126,28.284507042253523,10.355215969177356,3.0192400000000013,298,10,54,8,5,99,51,71,0.067,0.79,0.14300000000000002,0.7526,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,1,6,2,0,1,0,16,13,4,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,8,6,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364862486865254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702588745002187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081684800984786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789727076734684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599465537146378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986259903151565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120727197752344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871710631004488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723858275741915,0.13842822097362265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294272942035025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539204578580759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403874780474336,0.22022912080460014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652383463018595,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gotta_figure_it_out,2019/04/26,"So... I may have BPD? Looking for perspective from other men who share this diagnosis To start off...

​

Hello.  I'm a 40-year-old man, divorced with teenaged children.  I have a stable career, and love what I do for a living.    But something isn't right.    For years I kept coming up against a wall that this was just anger...  but I was pretty certain there was more to it.   

 I was doing some research about what my psychological issues might be, like life in general, has never felt quite right to me.    For the longest time, I thought this might be general anger combined with a mid-life crisis of some sort?

​

I came upon the symptoms for BPD and it was like the light over my head went off, and the more I listened to trained psychiatrists, the more I felt like this is what I might have.    I'm not 100% convinced by any means, but it's what's made the most sense out of anything I've looked at.    So the world seems to feel a little brighter knowing that what I've been going through may have a name to it.

​

I see a therapist through an online CBT website.   When I spoke to her about this, and her past interactions with me... she said that she sees where this might be the issue, but cannot give me an official diagnosis due to mental health laws in my state...   She encouraged me to see a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis.  

​

I'd love to hear from other men who may be experiencing this same issue.   We seem to be the vast minority who have this affliction.  

​

  I'm curious how you cope with this?  How do you handle relationships with your loved one(s) without splitting, or getting angry, or feeling like you need to do something impulsive to fill the hole in your life?    What has worked for you, and what hasn't?    I'm open to hearing whatever you guys have to say.

​

Thanks reddit!",4.446752136752135,6.112723874643876,4.709059829059829,84.45538461538466,70.93732193732194,7.593162393162394,28.669515669515672,8.167268648758528,1.8614490028490027,1444,55,282,21,27,453,181,351,0.049,0.8059999999999999,0.145,0.986,0,0,2,0,1,0,78.0,1,7,0,2,10,14,2,0,22,0,34,8,1,3,2,56,72,16,0,1,9,0,4,4,0,7,4,6,0,5,28,15,0,1,9,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,15,17,33,12,48,45,7,31,0,0,5,3,38,18,0,15,11,193,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076028939697364,0.4571133562650292,0.042637140759865126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051595536234127236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579331715399141,0.0,0.0,0.07171039898679675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400921964575447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340450692450557,0.044791832207024734,0.1204008151943542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551477342731626,0.060146129494943974,0.035633011410439674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062081388077175885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434676572119294,0.06664559036834544,0.14133156816582498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632288269202225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03445746456948878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857163183356334,0.12252531115949933,0.0628403843111331,0.05536393813126055,0.0,0.10530192447517654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697635752377048,0.05932685162572174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829706439336461,0.0,0.0,0.06318535706646254,0.2660528683490199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649015500712706,0.04835696061694523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579154529438967,0.0,0.0424861369485964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059852827805014885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378693108015934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668758925387447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731474169228792,0.0,0.10708837980893307,0.059640646330462115,0.049860376289131,0.0,0.0,0.14988779843757233,0.11415674796447302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653676125256797,0.0,0.0,0.04437833218255489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516776473712714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772436952674536,0.0,0.07279780931807305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977561804385463,0.036560008764353065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058122152285443575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060439131818312584,0.0,0.045645266229710865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571133562650292,0.08075157703234889
bpd,throwaw4yacc,2019/04/26,"I didn’t realize feeling withdrawn and wanting to talk about our current state of relationship was me being “dramatic”... to be fair, I guess it might have been a bit extreme to tell him I’ve been having doubts since we’ve been pretty distant lately...

but he even said the other day he was fine talking about it, and when I finally bring it up, he’s suddenly not ok talking about it? calls me being “dramatic”? well that’s a surefire way to make me withdraw from him even more.

damn me and my overthinking bpd ass.",4.7412571428571395,5.882684440000002,5.439428571428577,81.50900000000003,69.6,8.514285714285714,31.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.5550714285714293,404,17,77,7,7,131,71,100,0.124,0.759,0.11699999999999999,-0.5692,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,3,1,12,1,1,1,0,12,18,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,7,2,11,3,10,7,2,10,0,0,0,1,13,1,2,3,6,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456103815483208,0.0,0.25906031360546816,0.0,0.21003326513191706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265352481721815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717136161547151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400342934740148,0.0,0.0,0.22532417517537745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659156361107746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23202813826916985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730018053880785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820539294594132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926145164355445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083490026878844,0.0,0.0,0.19565901692916424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014952349051032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959793280801079,0.17978279176791992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132174041655372,0.1632677523887269,0.0,0.0,0.1849406970863567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shirage7,2019/04/26,"Anger Anyone else have trouble with managing the pressure inside their head and subconsciously making their FP, friends, family think you're angry at them?

I try to control my emotions, but sometimes every thing is too much for me. I feel pressure in my head, every sound, noise, even silence sometimes feels like I'm overstimulated with senses. Its frustrating to deal with myself and I try to ignore it or control it. It feels like it builds up more over time. I'm not the loud type of person, I don't yell or start being aggressive I'm pretty good at that, before I was a mess and I would break everything around me. That doesn't help anyone though
In my head I have a normal tone but a lot of people around me think I'm angry, dismissive, they start thinking they are a burden to me or that I dont care about them. It's really painful to hear that, because it's far from the truth. Mostly when it comes to FP.

Is there any advice anyone can give me? I get it on a daily and it's starting to create more issues for my relationship than anything else. I'm tired of everyone around me thinking I'm annoyed at them when I'm really just angry I have to deal with my emotions and brain.",3.885725047080975,5.362284559322036,4.773333333333333,84.19247645951037,72.05084745762713,7.278342749529191,24.55178907721281,7.793537801064563,1.2492964218455749,940,27,183,12,18,305,129,236,0.20800000000000002,0.706,0.086,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,7,2,11,17,4,2,8,0,13,6,4,3,1,36,36,13,0,2,7,0,3,2,1,1,2,4,0,1,15,13,0,3,7,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,1,7,29,6,31,33,5,20,0,0,0,0,15,12,0,5,8,119,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157334487823594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706858122210996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180411960952368,0.10650340547933722,0.08553745210620438,0.2775978796776357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336359149684803,0.0,0.08844909837538477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603641850303426,0.0,0.0,0.10597832701493907,0.0,0.0,0.08953896743661477,0.0,0.0,0.2331651504580116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214324393670718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182215885711835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736645538228287,0.2338471035855328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865435008865367,0.0,0.17515541847865956,0.09932340706829353,0.09341859811266506,0.0,0.09798960688098267,0.0,0.15767235996236587,0.14851591753099375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030724900790127,0.0,0.05430670173538405,0.09971301873289587,0.0,0.08718369995434112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200310797870011,0.0,0.117152985756574,0.0,0.06967179528112899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849103366499714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156404700927656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836988157272288,0.0,0.0,0.06938374892908797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641115433260591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101843522933057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060425756171463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206201604191939,0.09076031242479153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057489069890114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331789937392864,0.0,0.0,0.11159747361511256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056075012570124,0.0,0.22071731824202032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905609516899444,0.2664137080849883,0.10212492588651416,0.0,0.060610863398969414,0.11946889129745215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114296047170108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383917775521079,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ellothwice,2019/04/26,"Should I go out and celebrate my birthday with my fp? Or is it just disaster waiting to strike? Hi again, so it's my birthday on Sunday (trigger for me) but my fp is asking if I wanna go out. The last time I tried to I chickened out because I hate my body so find it hard to be comfortable wearing stuff and I always end up not going because of it. I also end up dissociating and smoking and doing stuff I don't usually.
Basically, should I go out!? Should I try and celebrate my birthday? Try to make better memories? 
Should I just stay at home alone again ?",1.3680678466076692,3.6399745309734537,3.746216814159293,84.97619837758113,82.45132743362831,6.5985250737463135,25.34587020648968,7.793537801064563,1.6177852507374633,434,18,87,8,12,150,67,113,0.11,0.75,0.14,0.7654,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,1,0,9,2,2,2,0,25,17,11,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,18,2,16,12,0,21,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,8,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338849542730648,0.0,0.14160078967235132,0.14733431741974928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553417962731706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158773692395283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566017856417964,0.0,0.19668203923003336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136584393384163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183645731628213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025260888805472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861767115647268,0.17481746562363884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761310695748497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433361877567366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819390941194155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873036062593268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053997742057801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324946415448066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606515619639227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501479938992225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vvwwvwvwv,2019/04/26,"I'm in a world of hell oh.. oh boy. I'm feeling really depressed, pregnant and wish I could somehow leave or remove/hurt myself but I'm stuck. :') 

I feel like a dumbass who had this idea of ""lets have kids!"" and I feel like I've made my BF stuck with me. I feel like a burden and like I'm just a piece of shit. I feel so sorry that I did this. He'd be happier with someone else. 

But now... he doesn't want abortions and he doesn't want me to be a single parent so he's sticking with me. but I feel really bad about it. He says he doesn't hate me but I've always been a depressed asshole so I can't imagine being with me is nice.

I'd be ok with leaving and raising the kid by myself so he doesn't have to be weighed down by me anymore. He could go be free again.",-1.441540106951873,0.5000967176470611,1.3059893048128366,99.46240641711228,93.58823529411764,4.032085561497326,17.139037433155078,5.565023196281405,-0.6768823529411763,582,16,144,4,22,200,89,170,0.201,0.594,0.205,0.4419,1,0,0,0,1,2,23.0,0,0,0,0,9,14,3,0,7,1,21,2,1,1,0,31,39,14,0,5,6,1,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,10,1,0,8,0,1,1,5,7,0,0,6,7,18,8,15,23,2,6,1,2,0,0,15,3,2,2,6,85,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322914394972745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468731158405983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365538712345155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364879131521317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551126509381782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371661853358155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44929585874280736,0.3174030631620726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416733151324314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621581050182586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854164276173033,0.167184268225718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136281453018467,0.0,0.1514399244220325,0.0,0.2894122072462133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013361741736374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444496124880945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975034804095608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777322921612016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520201530450262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254826941897486,0.0,0.0,0.16578324172417128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747037121328967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030503743556247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oneeyedZak,2019/04/26,"My life is falling apart It all started shortly before November, I was on a business trip and had a severe panic attack and freaked out and couldn't go on. I then couldn't go back to my job because shortly after that my Grandma passed away on the 5th of November. I was sent into a depressive spiral (Major Depression, anxiety, and PTSD were my first diagnosed mental health issues) Then came my 21st birthday shortly after that. Not one of my friends said happy birthday or even showed interest.  After that was the BPD diagnosis in December, something I had denied for so long. 

​

After All of this I could not mentally go back to work so I applied for disability through my work which was declined not once not twice but three times as the women on the phone told me  ""other people can work with BPD, what makes you so special?"" 

​

This all transpired from Jan-March and then mid march my girlfriend broke up with me because ""I treat her badly"" After she has been physically/verbally abusive before, but was mostly due to alcohol which we were working on.

​

Now everyone thinks I am some monster that even control themselves 

Sometimes being a male with BPD sucks... Sometimes being a male with mental health issues sucks...",6.494048672566372,8.147578172566378,6.209015486725665,75.70520464601773,65.94690265486726,8.304867256637168,34.03650442477876,8.660442795831766,3.0674079646017707,1001,45,158,15,16,312,136,226,0.128,0.8290000000000001,0.043,-0.9520000000000001,2,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,0,6,8,14,3,1,9,0,19,5,0,2,3,31,31,15,0,3,7,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,3,11,13,1,1,1,1,0,8,6,9,0,4,14,1,22,5,30,12,6,40,0,3,0,0,13,15,2,3,17,123,33,5,0.0,0.10715180335152218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966485189209222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939619168775044,0.3296687055611399,0.0,0.0,0.06918324827426832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288394004668046,0.0849675446971793,0.13907931459938516,0.07551023425281439,0.11025782197846884,0.0,0.15390865183698385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34170271014707704,0.0,0.0,0.1034346255047668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143159913868352,0.07220574103354213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578468905658305,0.09179057770497563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946417384656614,0.0,0.0,0.0864154183508968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692476626425904,0.0,0.0,0.06987058463324483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419049020454542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627074215665596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922583552369614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878325539186594,0.08974371817155177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387758050779697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800329630231631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036669368719976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27341447703105826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963113269683984,0.061281734957734965,0.0,0.0,0.10610709269826668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269689539737304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571477692104783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602529068607476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216687315588226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962200663142956,0.1788869186191977,0.0,0.06401102538383391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794770013967643,0.0,0.0,0.0527339251827076,0.0,0.0,0.0864154183508968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633537721303044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296687055611399,0.0
bpd,djenek,2019/04/26,"Where do you draw the line between normal adolescent behavior and BPD? As the criteria for BPD states, you have to be 18 years of age for the diagnosis. If you had been dealing with BPD symptoms or common teenage behavior (abandonment fears, identity issues, self-harm, paranoia/dissociation, mood swings, anger, suicidal behavior, emptiness, impulsivity, splitting, etc.) before turning 18, would you have the disorder if they still persist the day you turn 18? 

My parents are very invalidating and dismissive, so I don’t know if my dad is trying to get in my head when he says that all my behaviors are normal and he would’ve fit the criteria at my age too. I am 18 and have been diagnosed with BPD traits, and soon possibly BPD with AvPD traits. I believe my therapist is reluctant to diagnose because I am technically still in adolescence until age 20, but I just want to know if I have it, or not. If the criteria says you must be 18, does it matter if it is possibly just normal teenage experimentation and turmoil, because it fits the criteria now? So basically, when does it become Borderline Personality Disorder instead of teenage angst?",11.052156862745099,9.2955587254902,10.834313725490198,57.757745098039244,57.33333333333334,15.145098039215686,46.19607843137257,13.731508374201276,6.518690196078433,916,48,149,31,9,304,117,204,0.09699999999999999,0.882,0.021,-0.9404,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,6,1,1,13,5,1,2,8,0,20,4,1,1,2,33,26,21,1,12,12,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,6,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,19,0,17,19,2,20,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,8,13,101,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227964447115356,0.11123777107983268,0.08570564390260609,0.1134774025326764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6342691037157037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495632705724468,0.10383831209689598,0.0,0.204458176262362,0.0,0.0,0.23086861395911,0.0,0.17628220549537255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232987273945556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333845446461854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052622253091877465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336819054044206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512593196207856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070659801589217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960538277024413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183808723743152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794517027358695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270942400261301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019381297281096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507334584537582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608708866779085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017177247358312,0.0,0.0,0.10468706308611612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694415003113286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838254166372441,0.2191097501026296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831048801462297,0.059407502819924435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309776789110876,0.0,0.0,0.06486063679787911
bpd,thatwasmybutt,2019/04/26,"How can I ask my therapist for help with BPD? I've been in therapy since I was a kid but it wasn't until the last few years that I've been looking for some kind of diagnosis. I did an extensive evaluation when I was 17 that I can't remember the name of and it recommend I get treated for depression, anxiety, and possible personality disorder.

I just recently turned 20 and I started EMDR therapy a few months ago. My therapist seems pretty convinced I have Bipolar Disorder but it doesn't feel right. When I brought up the possibility of BPD to her it felt like she just didn't want to talk about it as a possibility. 

I don't know how to bring it up again. I don't want her to think I just want to be ""worse"" or something, all I want is to get better.",3.6350029325513233,4.594625438709677,5.816422287390027,78.45917888563051,72.03225806451613,10.281524926686217,30.21994134897361,10.436869588844218,3.1407419354838724,593,25,127,18,11,209,90,155,0.126,0.746,0.129,0.5451,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,7,0,15,1,0,2,1,25,32,12,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,9,3,19,5,19,22,4,16,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,3,11,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402977532566942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840767466468384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025911230789657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376980735648674,0.0,0.0,0.32402997325679755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079567222431992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948604557937581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504320936123194,0.0,0.1235125988642083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134416032265985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622330194318795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395662279437182,0.07069604956376584,0.1048570930138254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284600143083241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080234742292801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267757920818743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123216904499732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350598592026561,0.0,0.1308710346946564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701445018938984,0.0,0.14572171349446228,0.1098561008661589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710715244093832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641063615450508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903177357222233,0.0,0.0,0.09105059849102272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339430625054867,0.0,0.0,0.2942173985546941,0.2987171342978716,0.0,0.08242600000949785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992114319090718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034959678348375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310930542531119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283861804048992
bpd,lavendero,2019/04/26,"Diagnosis causing distress Hi r/BPD,

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I was diagnosed as bipolar II at 20 after getting a C-PTSD (which was weird given it's not recognized) diagnosis at 19.  At 26 I was diagnosed with BPD in the hospital, and that diagnosis was then disputed by my regular psychiatrist.  My regular (4 years) psychiatrist does not think I have BPD nor does the psychologist I've seen on and off since I was 16.  I just went for an evaluation due to suicidality at the hospital and the doctor things I have a combo of bipolar II and BPD traits, not the full disorder.  I have always kind of been torn about this but when I am unwell these traits do come out in full force and I see myself in the criteria.

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I have been put on the waitlist for DBT.  I am in distress thinking the BPD traits will never go away - I feel like I now have another problem to deal with whereas before I could chalk it all up to my bipolar brain.  I know a lot of people who've gone through it and almost all are not better and that is terrifying - that the therapy that is supposed to work might not work.  Some are a bit better and one I would say is in complete recovery.  I'm just scared.  I wish I'd never heard this from the doctor because this is a disorder with so much stigma - with the self-hate I already experience it's just a lot.  I would really appreciate some encouragement or hope.",3.902308373163393,5.518103252788105,5.592331386086035,77.7835192069393,72.23420074349444,9.13867941228536,29.166401132943893,9.606745405546679,2.789800708089928,1081,44,209,27,21,369,149,269,0.111,0.804,0.086,-0.6972,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,4,7,11,0,3,18,0,26,8,1,1,4,45,42,15,1,6,10,0,1,1,0,4,7,2,0,0,14,14,0,0,4,0,0,5,8,5,0,1,12,5,23,6,34,25,10,30,0,0,2,0,5,17,0,8,9,150,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109931920324536,0.0,0.1003942745799054,0.0,0.07569931715937389,0.19714490875158608,0.22109158753100386,0.0,0.09539626484520833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547494361226353,0.0,0.0,0.05545812315754415,0.0,0.07741387246207207,0.0,0.0,0.1609217519262567,0.09932222578025003,0.0,0.5729054151611971,0.10155929984527028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345740906530428,0.0,0.07836776556054481,0.09538660161116252,0.0,0.0,0.07263693055177341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379225781770843,0.0,0.1846774431680229,0.0,0.0,0.20853274793473012,0.1862355751367862,0.15922741551372435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899198166222462,0.0,0.0,0.04600019743603336,0.06499327019443996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475312033610147,0.0,0.051703755446669636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035969218264978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473750076173422,0.049998028538535716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044446276594811165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468907806216906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651115564268968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687782538018808,0.0,0.14033259423873773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164768981665024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307130114037944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705174223047564,0.10634607165022096,0.09145600438594624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582815530363249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234776405613777,0.0910828435513423,0.0,0.0724960906390064,0.0,0.09490780564790527,0.0,0.0,0.07525628456025546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951297434836782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403898082171527,0.0,0.06044040970833685,0.1165874904247675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433566035679567,0.0,0.0,0.1046179063609587,0.0,0.0,0.13246321818018794,0.0,0.0,0.12925347560212005,0.0,0.22109158753100386,0.058585559086233224
bpd,bpd_gf_throwaway,2019/04/26,"My girlfriend has BPD, I'd like some guidance Hey, Reddit. My girlfriend and I recently found out she has BPD, which explains a lot. I've been trying to do right by her, but I'm often not sure what the best way to approach a situation is. We've found advice online but I'm looking for more specific help with certain situations that is best for her mental health and mine. Things like:

* What's the best way to respond when she starts splitting? Generally I just try to disengage and give her some space for a while, but I'm not sure if that's always the best.
* Sometimes she gets really annoyed with me when I disagree with her about something, and it feels like she won't be satisfied until I change my mind for her. I don't want to lie to her, but I also feel like I should be easing up so as to not set her off further. 
* If she starts saying harsh things about people I like, I often feel like I ought to defend them but that's not really productive. Best approach?
* Any other other general advice?

I figured this subreddit would be a great place to ask these questions. Thanks in advance!",2.2754797979797985,4.650637675925932,3.4261279461279446,87.98621212121212,79.64814814814815,6.149494949494951,22.781144781144786,7.348242739294969,0.9644240740740736,862,28,169,12,22,278,121,216,0.1,0.6609999999999999,0.24,0.9909,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,6,9,17,1,0,7,0,14,1,0,0,3,43,31,18,0,6,12,0,3,6,2,4,1,1,0,0,13,8,0,0,8,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,3,5,29,16,25,21,9,21,0,0,1,0,23,8,0,8,13,120,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941763370671706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159849488264201,0.08490248235077749,0.0,0.0,0.06938827025272733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539028659710497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5354046820028543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570226190916975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079410116412927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477805206839218,0.21868453439224092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375535407994707,0.0,0.0,0.053309822411919165,0.09788263972848794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249552247044924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845995189209172,0.0,0.0,0.06839286708396354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29909906898134625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568490127853197,0.0,0.0,0.08674772252159624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028287205475512,0.0,0.10302770531227497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707392118298459,0.0,0.1066063502736586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430415187989484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307342975795848,0.0,0.1007486632241176,0.0,0.0,0.08713855228894178,0.0,0.08114346326218902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938644123677324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855262758873363,0.10091663669778804,0.0,0.14444381832221928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923362523270136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394143419345867,0.0,0.0,0.13557693810453056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855207399819636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018372911050065,0.1619835348307074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248375112804263,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coolranch14,2019/04/26,"Probably need to hear what I dont want.... Well, it's looking like that time again. In the last 8 years, I've had 5 relationships. Only two were ""serious."" Unfortunately, one of those two, was a very brief marriage(a week). Although that one was a early life crisis from working 58 hours a week, on 3rd, while living alone. Anyway, I met a girl that seems to understand these things better. She doesn't seem to look at me like a basket case, and she has very similar values. I know anyone youre attracted to can seem more perfect than jesus, but still. Does anybody feel like it would be irresponsbile of me to even ask her out, since yall know what BPD is like? Every relationship I've had, I been the one screwed over, cheated on, and left. How am I supposed to figure out whether or not I should even think about it? Even with BPD, I've shown nothing but 100% loyalty. So how do I know if Im even assessing who she is, correctly? I keep being told I cant trust myself. So what should I do? Does anybody have some advise specific to my case?",3.04316283034953,4.720625217391305,4.151094060812731,86.98892583120207,74.60386473429952,7.382665529980107,24.253765274225632,8.124751697461798,1.2728382495027004,808,25,169,13,17,263,139,207,0.11699999999999999,0.794,0.08900000000000001,-0.8342,0,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,2,0,3,13,12,2,0,7,0,22,2,0,2,2,32,40,13,0,6,6,0,1,4,0,3,1,1,0,1,13,5,0,1,10,0,0,1,4,3,1,5,8,4,20,9,20,27,2,19,1,0,2,1,15,8,1,6,14,111,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976982668480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085929873916428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081092898340169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227560175541947,0.0,0.0,0.2912931055406406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023974949649952,0.0,0.1355310993401698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055207567914945,0.0,0.0974330394589502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847186992836581,0.08261438543417107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033649296261796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388368630592675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491277716946955,0.0,0.0,0.10278757158130296,0.0,0.0,0.19066080480058545,0.09426334223023998,0.0,0.0,0.12564494176317165,0.0,0.08168108525915492,0.225986586902447,0.0,0.10211365551624473,0.0,0.1942196455671636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574678452315697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096123848723392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350852323203146,0.0879506513103313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246812087319576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483116113609739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31582732090504084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565993033439446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235153481575027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682714361818523,0.0740984708258183,0.0,0.0,0.06743154960875318,0.0,0.0,0.11050050890959426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593008862820216,0.12038698871122785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908328695309475,0.0682084145651004,0.0,0.1855214396358167,0.0,0.10397569053587108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418846543534078,0.0,0.0,0.08214847798975093,0.0,0.0,0.07446940190494564
bpd,CharlieMwyn,2019/04/26,"Painfully Anxious I’ve been dating someone for only about 3 weeks now. Last weekend, I had a mini text meltdown where I sent her maybe 12 texts one day because I felt hurt and insecure about something from the day before. The next day, we talked on the phone, and everything seemed to be okay. We acknowledged that while my feelings were hurt, it was my insecurity stopping me from healthily expressing it and/or letting it go, instead crazy texting. This was Monday. She said she would call me around the weekend if she can if she’ll have time to meet up, and without details, she’s kinda going through a hard time. We haven’t texted all week & this morning I texted her (stupid of me) & got no reply all day. Okay. It is what it is. I’m just hoping she actually does call me this weekend, and it’s not to break things off... I feel terrible about my insecurity episode and I just want things to feel like they’re alright. I wanna keep dating her & I feel like she already thinks I’m crazy. I’m actually a lot better than in my personal past and I hope she just needs time and space until she wants to meet up again.",3.6128255404725986,5.388593271493215,4.148559577677226,87.18753519356459,73.29864253393666,6.721065862242331,26.75741578682755,7.3871296695380915,1.2976634489693315,887,32,178,10,18,280,133,221,0.145,0.7659999999999999,0.09,-0.9142,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,3,0,0,1,11,16,1,3,7,3,14,1,0,0,2,39,35,11,0,9,7,0,6,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,13,11,0,2,8,3,0,3,4,8,0,1,9,7,32,8,23,22,3,35,0,2,0,0,25,8,0,7,25,111,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.22388823485158907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658952664440307,0.0,0.0,0.3728770507628011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295939377205016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211959935387413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992846542770584,0.0,0.09761299149469016,0.0,0.0,0.10145503061989497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342712233801557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29592363405007155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038681609602723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030973632350244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201096848772246,0.16390311785036255,0.11014323387615883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038898792027218,0.0,0.09174710212473683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276102930809322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278733664643684,0.0,0.0,0.2456069827955369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196289284187128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350705454828456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730262871054915,0.0,0.11208673280995099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752556732387888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524542686366936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505882634802933,0.0,0.0,0.1219994236568566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773303712055264,0.0872450112106678,0.12206356707930888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950729860816334,0.0,0.10016366212323254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911908937987648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443113171032972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719662725873614,0.08831228472269591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590587016580274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220260410306584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524214978829793,0.07350396866398724,0.0,0.0,0.2006716112019505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353223382598199,0.0,0.18403297576199712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058000596408843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148938951988441,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kindadeadbutnotrly,2019/04/26,"i held on to my terrible ex for two years because i didn’t want to be alone. i’m finally out of it and i’m so happy i’m crying. [tiny mention of SA] I held onto my (now ex) boyfriend for two years even though he was shitty to me. I just didn’t want to be alone. I wasn’t sure they if I left him that I would  nobody else. 

After years of friendship with a specific guy I decided that my boyfriends bullshit was enough. I’m going to be with the guy that, and honestly? I think i’ve loves him from first time we spoke. every day for many years. 

I had never said anything because of my boyfriend. Now I finally said something and he feels the same. 

my ex raped me and i tried to push it aside bc i still didn’t want to be alone. turns out the whole time i wasn’t actually alone... not only can i be with someone who treats me so well and loves me, but i’m starting to see a lot of people *do* want to date me.

it was an insane realization for me. that people could possibly think i’m attractive, let alone like me. i’m so happy right now. i’m so so so so happy. just elated. i’m sorry if this whole post is disjointed. i’m just in tears. 

my last now two relationships killed me and brought me to my knees i was in so much pain. now i won’t ever feel like that again. thank fucking god.",-0.13501753155680518,1.9028454818840568,2.033707339878447,96.33953015427772,86.93478260869566,5.300420757363254,18.32351566152408,6.6834051587181325,-0.11935165965404385,987,26,236,12,31,331,132,276,0.133,0.682,0.185,0.9509,0,5,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,1,1,23,18,3,0,6,0,22,6,1,0,3,37,54,18,1,8,7,3,2,2,0,2,1,3,0,2,10,12,0,2,5,0,0,3,8,5,1,4,16,6,37,13,30,29,6,35,0,0,1,4,19,8,1,3,25,148,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.08923670488697953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735449580794727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525108582130424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148751673723327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301104463657346,0.0,0.10044756129140832,0.05897417972479345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639020056158702,0.0,0.0,0.09448668083059164,0.0,0.060398273075898776,0.08271684479134632,0.07704599040218563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247423983312647,0.06532801586186081,0.0,0.20034610345173065,0.0,0.07778270069645571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453902728299381,0.0,0.0,0.0519700539122397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108899347037796,0.0,0.29203332112596936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116986308182303,0.0,0.0,0.07453952582284823,0.0,0.0,0.0993547879746376,0.0935082637785682,0.0,0.08935039131589573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774289949612745,0.16506458118876527,0.0,0.0,0.09271043662089501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672222773861507,0.0,0.0705276862891922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954771270967769,0.0973034650090369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267922955407587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309000779834482,0.08757861613258318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817724116945543,0.0,0.07809315928900298,0.17396944476305726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286947933253966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748068359596542,0.07039849409611075,0.0,0.1023647043959736,0.0647249341206944,0.0,0.07302774812890019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618542077803984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418986994391632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718797040028503,0.0898438213104431,0.0,0.10664412303691627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062084857392885426,0.0994654282916838,0.26798415922373864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574549590624653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822196464317676,0.0,0.0,0.20418918340526016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495959565563061,0.0,0.0,0.2355492082064117
bpd,TrappedWithBPD,2019/04/26,He just left me. Said I made him depressed. Fuck my bpd. One and half years gone.,-2.4044117647058805,-1.6642280588235268,-1.4383823529411757,112.94477941176471,123.7058823529412,1.7000000000000002,10.132352941176473,3.1291,-2.479105882352941,61,1,16,0,4,18,17,17,0.327,0.6729999999999999,0.0,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747699929604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246765105911673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484949645055345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095699278957928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35669022098486913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554389650169457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585768456667897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427509388013543
bpd,dbtcbtathome,2019/04/26,"Is it possible to do DBT/CBT by yourself at home, to yourself? Anyone here have experience with it? For people that can't afford therapy, don't have insurance, or any other reason.  

I know doing it with a therapist in an actual therapy session would be best, but can this work too? Thanks kindly!",3.766964285714288,6.021854625000002,5.845857142857145,73.09914285714288,74.17857142857143,9.48,27.271428571428572,9.888512548439397,3.2235328571428585,233,9,39,7,5,81,47,56,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.9115,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,1,0,7,12,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,32,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.23244787562836636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198349672633772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655428797801874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499751679602257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330043410810791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23893303114822675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480476165194353,0.13090794785525714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513720324961076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268533596591075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449082568911463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930164770962104,0.5448026602019327,0.27656741275809565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341171807310868,0.0,0.0,0.16920974425213434,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,needafriend2319,2019/04/26,"I don't understand. I just need to vent, I guess. I'm in this weird place but I feel so *stupid* saying that because I've been in this 'weird place' for the last 20 years. I started exhibiting symptoms of 'some major mood disorder' when I was a kid, was diagnosed with BPD when I was 21 after a string of really self-destructive behavior. Now I'm 28 and I still feel like that stupid teenager that can't even understand his own emotions, let alone express them healthily. 

For starters I'm angry. Not just angry. I'm livid. Over something that I *shouldn't* even care about. I was involved with this girl for two years. She decided to end things although I still don't understand why because she kept saying things were great and she was really happy. And now I still care about it and she doesn't even give a fuck, why should I? But at the same time it's not even something I should be mad about. I shouldn't even care. 

My therapists office shut down recently, I had been seeing her for a year, became really attached. Now I'm just alone. I have no one. I don't have friends, but that's nothing new. I get stuck between this loop of hating everyone to being okay with some, but it always goes back. 

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of the rollercoaster of emotion this all brings on, I'm tired of existing. It's not that I want to die, I just wish I never existed in the first place. Some sort of spectral ghost, I guess. Just something in between being alive and not. I don't know how to explain it. 

I just don't want to live another 28 years like this. I can't fathom how I've made it for the first 28. I don't know what to do anymore.",1.0164917517674787,3.3619786656716464,2.3603967007069926,93.8416005498822,84.73134328358209,5.914375490966222,20.75608798114689,7.273561745256523,0.5892686567164183,1283,40,278,20,38,412,154,335,0.22699999999999998,0.682,0.091,-0.9936,0,2,3,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,1,2,26,18,5,0,9,1,29,7,0,3,2,52,65,15,2,8,14,0,2,2,1,4,6,2,0,2,21,8,0,1,9,0,0,1,17,8,0,4,12,5,35,9,36,45,7,37,0,0,1,1,16,12,1,6,26,179,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779587936992323,0.0,0.0,0.07148604752284342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008670326403144,0.0,0.0,0.0852020731645464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606137729338367,0.0,0.10474287421169902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082037335900492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26278043068891355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719933662619378,0.08916356777986406,0.0,0.0984631201992638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932799039401676,0.07609293779332826,0.0,0.0,0.2837218418947856,0.0,0.0,0.0820930355040651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687984048916245,0.06137587730154851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461541861067248,0.0,0.0,0.06637575208738462,0.0794246832275597,0.044885713501613515,0.08241505832989314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947187884590278,0.1892845171187826,0.0,0.0,0.09145540928561666,0.0,0.08482076595767593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944304804395889,0.07003012001302235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785130925283179,0.0,0.08394497493764165,0.0,0.07586227457652106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129244522166283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370299915974201,0.06626098409602406,0.08297478748038667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243532071114854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821650510569836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692806998415116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511316190428504,0.0,0.08482818791265015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664207006253276,0.0,0.0,0.06846110605898152,0.0,0.0896254307096455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984188228673508,0.0,0.0,0.060809280100327774,0.0,0.2058294002796045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892959393586676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997509856680266,0.1141528394929588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009624526394255,0.2962311973904443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392398808934898,0.2683136965437149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134678751841668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504526138819685,0.0,0.0987950870166308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129922531129254
bpd,love_pendant,2019/04/26,"A little disappointed with how fellow students reacted to BPD. I was in a review session two days ago for my Abnormal Psychology class and we were going over personality disorders since they made up a good portion of our final.

When it came time to answer questions about BPD, I refrained from answering all of them, mostly since I didn't want people to start (rightfully) assuming things about me.

Anyway, as the professor was asking questions and taking answers, I overheard a group of classmates making snarky comments about the illness, like saying, ""maybe my ex had BPD since s/he was so damn clingy"", ""I would go fucking insane being friends with someone like that"", and ""how do those people even have friends?""

I tried not to take it personally, but not only was I sad later for myself, but also for everyone else affected by BPD. The ignorance I witnessed was honestly astounding. I couldn't imagine making those types of comments about any person with any mental illness.",9.553076429030183,9.340222098265897,8.958689788053949,65.07010918432884,59.231213872832356,11.388310854206807,39.45343609505459,10.746095033038511,4.541036480411048,785,35,117,16,9,250,121,173,0.099,0.797,0.10400000000000001,0.4322,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,2,0,11,11,2,0,7,0,13,3,0,7,1,33,25,11,0,3,4,1,0,2,3,1,2,1,0,3,6,8,0,2,7,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,10,1,17,6,24,12,3,15,0,2,0,1,18,5,2,4,9,84,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158468101185733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164440181662786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586185822538826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713415445813586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5773313396007814,0.0,0.0,0.13107018717689334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390657036542854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133984198106605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957323655772798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569124725201787,0.0,0.0,0.10950380496809174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553708641045971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770770776487478,0.1059444929572922,0.0,0.0,0.1302579693107723,0.0961198085928772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119741048333835,0.11485783164370099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843589851774264,0.1529908152558994,0.0,0.11512962494036486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548836283932692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715734491125904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588963806856936,0.3001890443742165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567531579903762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786651716030344,0.0,0.09113334948993924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843912609443901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709896128897416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111342828864722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232766289786092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613417018653093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668233235296167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780487838825896,0.0,0.1119461105007556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759318123892366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140750663487868,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Whornithrowaway,2019/04/26,"Am I a bad person? Or is it just my bpd? Throw away rant, been browsing this subreddit for a while and it's always nice to know there are other people going through the same thoughts.

Something I can never figure out is, is my behavior due to my personality and who I am or is it due to symptoms of my bpd? At what point can I draw the line? It's so hard to distinguish because I know I am more likely to believe what I want to so I can live with myself. But if I freak out on people who I thought loved me is it because I am justified or am I looking for a reason to distance them due to deeper issues? 

I am so tired and I don't know who I can talk to about stuff like this without being judged. I am sometimes impulsive and do things just to feel only to regret and realize the consequences when it's too late. Then I blame my bpd but then Idk if it's me or my bpd....... 

Sorry just ranting.",1.6122368421052649,3.0607786842105287,3.6980921052631612,89.69976973684211,77.94736842105263,6.434210526315789,23.453947368421048,7.1686216300943375,0.7766052631578946,690,22,154,8,16,236,102,190,0.098,0.851,0.051,-0.7363,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,6,0,21,3,0,1,1,34,31,20,0,4,12,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,17,8,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,3,27,4,23,27,2,17,0,1,1,1,8,6,0,6,11,122,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774390069650457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165768704637045,0.0,0.10811658122247683,0.15786865030026326,0.0,0.0,0.14588797272996612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6523394553708893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547272671076991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359068088756861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599528819280353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515121736135735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134886875083227,0.0,0.14606744202022456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265220187304611,0.0,0.11433975806218323,0.0,0.10873681474237136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686744582385107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986867560712938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848101256775517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954053647700258,0.22612682906468135,0.0,0.0,0.1224074593839699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313462673647286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099685736765652,0.12806636251304065,0.14495055764374015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823210837558062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345870020270312,0.0,0.10407707773144864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860256835337213,0.0,0.0,0.20559708418995004,0.0,0.1488267329585937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637503113320611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482124543254415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snowballvibes,2019/04/26,"Escapism as a coping mechanism: what’s your experience? Hi all!

I was just recently diagnosed with BPD and learned that my extreme escapism (which does borderline on hallucinations/dissociation) is something that is sometimes associated with the disorder.

So I’m curious to hear what others experiences with this are like. If you experience something like this to any degree please feel free to share!",7.620000000000001,10.908698272727275,8.009090909090911,57.23363636363638,66.27272727272728,11.672727272727276,39.78787878787879,11.20814326018867,5.986624242424242,330,19,45,12,6,108,53,66,0.037000000000000005,0.743,0.22,0.9055,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,9,7,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,5,8,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571646817291184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26987578850275273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748777928560484,0.0,0.0,0.2455812874525557,0.0,0.18751622508634772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6288153485534216,0.0,0.0,0.10834545481507464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415070122836293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937092973123864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352130270902004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157379085384406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299235278885597,0.21192653781296053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skammerz,2019/04/26,"Bpd vs PTSD being diagnosed based upon gender So we all know bpd is a diagnosis largely given to women, I'm just curious if anyone has done some in depth research on this as I have found things that say bpd is commonly given to women, where as men with similar symptoms are more likely to get a PTSD diagnosis. Thoughts? Personally I think there is a lot of inherent sexism in the system. I'm open to understanding the differences if people know more. Thank you!",4.659123376623377,6.567763159090912,6.3424025974026,71.9818181818182,70.81818181818181,9.574025974025977,28.48051948051948,9.957137785484203,3.1481928571428566,370,14,63,10,7,127,65,88,0.0,0.9359999999999999,0.064,0.6581,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,1,16,20,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,2,12,14,5,9,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,4,2,43,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096271066479085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6536465971184802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558713168699167,0.0,0.18074382800458785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770348027774671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968100459829987,0.0,0.0,0.09038318400583928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014797412152895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451702695871921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707487311013648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993353025718385,0.15105329096008266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044457485856043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757323208148098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980891219961548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927132277562112,0.0,0.0,0.1149307462419,0.11084874624154507,0.0,0.13733936971187896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009476597437293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PDDTK_Lives,2019/04/26,"Being left on delivered Nothing drives me more insane than being left on delivered. 

Even being left on read feels at least slightly better because of the finality of it all. But as the hours tick by without the message even being opened every horrible scenario runs through my mind.

No matter how much they reassure me i always feel like they're ignoring me because they hate me or find me annoying and clingy.

This is torture",5.963076923076925,8.00566735897436,6.121025641025642,74.33230769230771,67.71794871794873,8.78974358974359,33.51282051282051,9.2995712137729,3.431805128205129,346,16,54,7,6,110,59,78,0.228,0.682,0.09,-0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,3,7,3,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,13,8,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,2,9,3,11,4,4,12,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,3,41,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255331942369022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381765740181529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277807729768566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580639371802626,0.0,0.1645973519984195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755752278794247,0.13956363421435106,0.0,0.21400489460396896,0.1785534680666713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287535876248066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923880575404989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6367703857250635,0.0,0.0,0.09544194145502097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972556635261053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361044351958596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745105490790565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541064259651292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831792471309175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zelico,2019/04/26,"struggling to accept a new, good, relationship Hello everyone, im new to this subreddit but ive been struggling with BPD for about  4 years now, since i was a junior in high school. More recently, i have entered a new relationship with a guy who is absolutely amazing! But, i have found myself actively searching for reasons that it might not work out, I want it to work out so badly but on the inside something in me almost wants it to fail miserably... i cant tell if its because thats all ive ever known and im so comfortable in chaos and sadness, but yeah! i constantly find myself comparing myself to his other female friends, and beating myself to the CORE because i feel like i have no personality and im too boring, or theres nothing about me thats interesting enough for people to stick around.... i feel like when we are together, all of these feelings go away because hes so gentle and sensitive towards me, but when we are apart i just immediately think that im not good enough for him or that hes just using me as a way to pass time or for a quick fuck... Like obviously i KNOW im not just in this relationship because he just wants to have sex with me but I cant say that it doesnt cross my mind. Im sorry if this doesnt make sense or im rambling I just have such a hard time putting my thoughts into words......... ill edit and add more if I think of anything else..",3.714252669039148,4.71298009608541,5.216902135231319,82.68457028469753,71.88256227758006,8.182277580071176,27.929003558718858,8.548686976883017,1.895441138790036,1081,39,225,18,20,365,147,281,0.14,0.703,0.157,0.7924,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,0,4,19,18,1,3,9,1,19,3,0,3,4,62,34,25,0,6,21,0,4,3,1,1,1,1,0,2,17,16,0,0,12,0,0,5,8,8,0,0,4,5,33,10,33,29,6,32,0,3,0,2,17,13,1,9,16,152,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478036584037056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967257265458339,0.0753703318034475,0.0,0.0,0.0795461157450076,0.0,0.07069223731501342,0.2064454492630028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663335602087652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149343274654656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707272425458953,0.0,0.0,0.17496438923665564,0.0,0.0,0.07658488001313851,0.0,0.0809016065462686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842840983219725,0.12097023934840508,0.0,0.0,0.07738282214455254,0.0,0.0,0.09283145747056554,0.06541243050173665,0.07827198048024267,0.0,0.0,0.048117410101716176,0.14202697227460753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383225249713484,0.0,0.0,0.07584374522050014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945385207947698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401736169019676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652999811488537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409000274338446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565149436799581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981681921035352,0.08548811788940835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453116845581653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123892411504946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058696464819674075,0.0739267339143751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511231014625231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705033512605981,0.08359706326369586,0.2726974990626209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732948125251922,0.0,0.0856861046134158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003625705007681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517971323805047,0.0,0.09477620457503466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702173047484845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400146388385695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850059228840392,0.0,0.06721502706843446,0.09873838137190484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312389228731378,0.0,0.0,0.14981388880675314,0.06720361032878773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232751264875434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054521868832106
bpd,cat-pants,2019/04/26,"Are paranoid delusions & (visual/auditory) hallucinations part of BPD? I was recently dx'd as Borderline, I had been dx'd as Bipolar II before, but because of my paranoid delusions (that have happened a few times) my dx was changed to Bipolar I. But I'm wondering if maybe the psychologist was wrong, and I only have BPD, so I wanted to see if this is something anyone experiences who ONLY has Borderline, and not Bipolar.",9.079078947368425,8.869200855263156,9.364736842105266,61.763157894736864,60.18421052631579,11.810526315789476,44.0,11.20814326018867,5.343773684210528,339,19,52,8,4,113,54,76,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.9279999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,10,4,0,0,0,9,15,9,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,7,0,6,10,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249179621076144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003574739118772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308028571371497,0.0,0.1825874213471733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404991074764525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269917747255136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989540938210294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974786049750533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21556931091735135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263877354527669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232363688247928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118668105730165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709884007419001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519022820514154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512033991206242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656182550697925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326973075906208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460395016091684,0.0,0.0
bpd,pogs_were_fine,2019/06/12,"Question from a sibling Hey guys, I'm a sibling of someone I very strongly suspect has BPD. I have an MD but I'm not a psychiatrist, so it's def armchair psychology.... but I know enough that I'd say my suspicion is reasonable.

Since I put it together, I've been reading a lot. I notice a lot of resources point to profoundly dysfunctional families as a universal feature for people with BPD.

I'm struggling with that. I don't think my parents were ever neglectful or abusive towards either of us. I know, siblings can have very different experiences growing up, but I'm pretty protective of my sibling, I don't think I would've missed it. I also don't see any obvious features of BPD in my parents. I have my fair share of dysfunction, but I don't think it fits with a BPD diagnosis either.

.

I'm just curious about whether any of you guys had a pretty stable home life growing up. And if you did, whether you've figured anything out re: where those BPD patterns came from.

I'm wondering if there was something horrible happening to my sibling that I just... missed?

​

At the risk of asking too much, I'm also curious about how you ended up getting a diagnosis, and how you stuck with therapy (if that's where you're at with things). My sibling would be fine going to therapy, but I'm not sure how they'd react to a BPD diagnosis. Or the idea that their family thinks they have one.

Appreciate your time, thank you! Reading this sub has been a real comfort... it makes my sibling make more sense to me, and it makes me feel like they have a shot at being happy.",4.571376961800414,5.828170201954403,5.880285756588688,77.75843278057451,70.10749185667753,9.099733491264436,33.17278649689073,9.457814108942452,3.181457328990227,1240,59,232,27,22,417,159,307,0.10800000000000001,0.731,0.161,0.935,3,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,6,4,1,15,13,0,2,15,0,23,1,0,8,3,56,52,22,0,4,18,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,14,10,0,2,13,2,0,5,6,5,0,1,8,3,34,8,33,40,7,21,0,3,1,0,20,13,0,9,4,156,48,2,0.0,0.09876979553606313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332838956193493,0.0,0.09032219560545496,0.101293397542711,0.11337741389213365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859944595663038,0.0,0.07793178850991839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6299456613833275,0.0,0.0,0.095343395938375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709506847831598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383358293104651,0.08613475652233737,0.0,0.0,0.07540528700730711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154358360976792,0.15717168505784498,0.0,0.04215010021833522,0.05955350204795145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043552964918265366,0.0,0.047376285216425916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650820647347368,0.0737163360208878,0.08873991124278065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361842321122681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410503377922612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916266464529414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888072219741966,0.04072623852122066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174200343529098,0.0,0.0,0.16693342919612664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128032485249975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949076677436981,0.0,0.0,0.05648793807057013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512625377226974,0.0,0.0,0.0577923968188306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880360173937008,0.0,0.0,0.16961731385120918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380137402228832,0.09338400489070244,0.0,0.16676820103709072,0.09488368462032144,0.0,0.08570954871427247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629244384829397,0.0,0.0,0.06642835588088143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895752872985605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063196376522514,0.06417578747823326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714758311755619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856726651030964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674810762236695,0.1906623759320499,0.0,0.05538170417607927,0.2136588397230976,0.0,0.0,0.048608785341885605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027367063095444,0.0,0.0,0.13756400446122574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904020360099481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843529493049275,0.0,0.101293397542711,0.0
bpd,wormmood,2019/06/12,"Restless and anxious after latuda I feel like latuda is helping me (I've been taking it a little over a month at 40mg per day) but I have to take it at night because it knocks me out but its hard to balance that with the required 350 calories, so I've started taking it with a candy bar right before bed. Unless I'm already exhausted enough to fall asleep soon after it gives me an icky restless feeling like I need to be doing something or stimulated in some way. It trickles over into the next day where if I'm not doing something fun or smoking weed I feel a creeping restlessness that's almost panicky. Definitely worse at night or if I'm not sleepy enough or if I have to take early for some reason. Should I ask to lower the dose or is this just something I have to accept? Dealing with the calorie requirements and the exhaustion is hard enough",6.9661078238001295,6.351698142011834,7.164102564102564,77.14478632478635,64.62130177514793,8.931229454306377,34.162393162393165,7.793537801064563,2.5283722550953325,682,26,125,6,9,221,100,169,0.172,0.725,0.10300000000000001,-0.9115,1,0,3,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,3,10,0,11,5,1,2,0,34,25,14,0,5,14,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,10,7,1,2,5,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,5,10,4,22,22,5,24,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,11,13,86,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773085507931054,0.0,0.1517836730712349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538602913207336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285854531508885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384579369403414,0.0,0.11704015949245475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740952713600228,0.14180224377123488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263604202304403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208639754350314,0.19652350328347992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194512810568254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464255438884339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219311651116102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439449897177302,0.13785562974322033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978663319182083,0.0,0.0,0.10198743476226628,0.0,0.0,0.1462800369514623,0.258152216381691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141855809430368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746217180697754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176652123088448,0.0,0.0,0.09735463901190793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136651049561206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917634788729833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016950119266386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FinneganRynn,2019/06/12,"Therapeutic keto diet and/or Lithium cure my BPD, but also kill my emotions and make me feel like a zombie. I have therapeutic keto diet for 3 months, which consume lots of fat(160g), moderate protein(70g), and less than 20g carb. At first I feel awesome, but it could also be placebo effect. 
At the same time, I also took lithium to lower my emotional response. But discontinued after days of intake.
Now I feel numb, anhedonia. Not sad, not sleepy, just tired and feel worthless (depression?).",5.513547351524881,7.5716800337078665,6.339357945425363,72.25808988764047,68.88764044943821,8.231781701444623,31.815409309791328,8.841846274778883,3.008918459069021,389,17,61,7,7,128,66,89,0.156,0.679,0.165,-0.0155,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,2,0,18,9,9,1,1,6,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,4,8,1,8,6,3,9,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733645420945473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850416372929895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753542561255746,0.0,0.0,0.12724817935891974,0.0,0.1699422161116544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438928242190312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399062054318608,0.1409578076091084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783119486242978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182935132498489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639536041884796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774531608799487,0.0,0.0,0.1317054938667303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749040558453462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505264303041353,0.2267780218408628,0.0,0.0,0.2192178988833644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Healing_touch,2019/06/12,"I think my BPD mom has stopped taking her meds/therapy or something, she’s reverting to old cycles and patterns and I don’t know how to address it so she gets help I’m not sure if I need to add back story or what but basically my mom was originally diagnosed as bipolar back around 20ish years ago, didn’t like that diagnosis, shopped around until someone finally listed her as PPD and it was an easier diagnosis for her to accept (her words). I grew up hated because she thought I stole my dad’s attention away from her when I was a baby, she’d often abandon us around holidays and my birthday, emotionally and physically abused us, amongst other really hard stuff I’m not able to discuss. 

Then, after a massive blow up on her end, she ended up getting some help and was diagnosed with BPD. 6 or so months went by and she became a much more mellow person with some issues (she still is extremely intense, has energy issues of she’ll make plans but then hours later not have the energy for it and cancel, etc). Which is understandable and I’m not expecting everything to be fixed, it was a massive improvement. She was like this for about two years, with ups and downs but primarily around that level.

Then last month it’s like she’s a different person. She made an agreement with me to buy something asking me for the specifics of what I wanted( which was VERY generous, more than okay that it didn’t work out) but when I did talk to her about the specifics she then had no recollection of that conversation at all that way, and said she never once offered (even tho I showed her the texts of what she said) and she waved them off saying “well YOU misinterpreted.” Weird but okay. 

Since then there’s been a lot of moments like this...we’ll make plans and she then adjusts them up by hours (like we’re going to have lunch but she moves it from 2pm to 7am, before the place is even open), and then gets angry at me because I’m not willing to “stick to our original agreement” and it’s my fault “for not being willing to do this”. Plus a lot of boundary encroaching.

Most recently she made my sister cancel going to her college graduation because “I’ll probably be too tired so we should just go out to dinner instead”. 

All the things she used to do when she was untreated for BPD, and usually a sign that she’s ramping up to a massive melt down/nuclear freak out (the last time stuff like this happened was the precursor to her trashing my home when I had cancer because ????). And she has a history of being violent, vicious and harmful. 

I’m worried about my dad (elderly and an enabler) and sister (college age autism that is being untreated). While my dad is an adult who makes his own choices, I’m still concerned for them. I’ve kinda voiced concerns to him but he’s waved them all off. Truly, ever since I moved out my sister has been the target of most of her shit (she used to be the golden child till I left and cut my mom out) and I’m worried.

Is there any way to tactfully and kindly approach my mother about my concerns while not coming across as harsh or judgmental. If she really does need help, I don’t want to just put my head into the sand until she hurts herself or someone else. 

Any advice about how to approach this in a way you guys would need/want? 

TL;DR Sorry for the post length. Suspect my mom is no longer being treated for BPD and it appears she is ramping up to a melt down. What can I do in a caring, considerate and safe way to maybe get her the help she needs or encourage her to go back to doing what she was doing?",5.339705423332035,5.839343888412023,5.950746195864223,80.69403189621539,67.91273247496423,8.986877357263623,29.620269215762786,8.97023862654752,2.267594849785408,2794,96,549,46,44,909,313,699,0.11599999999999999,0.7490000000000001,0.135,0.9470000000000001,2,0,2,0,1,0,75.0,4,2,4,4,35,29,5,0,30,2,52,9,2,11,6,117,93,66,0,10,24,11,2,6,0,5,5,4,2,5,32,44,2,3,10,3,2,13,14,11,1,1,23,6,86,18,95,57,14,96,0,2,0,0,85,32,1,17,52,393,118,4,0.06343574832678188,0.07516098867690643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198867908717012,0.05623196339765738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627696833342306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588506068193825,0.059303861488974735,0.0,0.059599973730152925,0.14633452442470438,0.0,0.15467937356270986,0.0,0.05397914956245645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195804173757486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467697319015693,0.0,0.0,0.05464428019849693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287718984793431,0.0,0.06627685539070441,0.0,0.0,0.05551305084673109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299242782958983,0.0713566786493306,0.1123704885797724,0.0,0.0707476278671351,0.08379742698609641,0.057381266126705126,0.0,0.0,0.0570119602354468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949076157710776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325702411471419,0.0,0.14420799060601602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281136419765869,0.05609602274559715,0.0,0.05682597045000174,0.0626296683291565,0.06510337899711356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700785797410249,0.0,0.06363122780653167,0.0,0.12494286788692685,0.0,0.06790928059317355,0.0,0.0,0.1324208802566644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660585701263872,0.034862628292259286,0.10341720308574276,0.0,0.0,0.06892312616754308,0.0,0.0,0.1859490142142983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786160948720516,0.0,0.12004887775805614,0.12703156378435634,0.0,0.06372973553834316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29718072701335063,0.10126761820419232,0.13484432259030096,0.046632574030936055,0.1881472143714413,0.04892555979945086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665651468275072,0.06755700164916348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077929721613816,0.06627685539070441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075391163660598,0.0,0.06839446586200212,0.0,0.0,0.06377044813967091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127712948661382,0.0,0.0626351485269965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068384659793592,0.050446653193959634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511588406124323,0.10494941308569904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749780740099636,0.09767187650442924,0.0,0.07101112669062262,0.0,0.0,0.10131974111412934,0.05303512606597048,0.0,0.0,0.14523750992869727,0.0,0.0,0.05978744206674753,0.0,0.047695788065452834,0.050987251601628106,0.0,0.0,0.07254430669196096,0.0,0.04214389245107058,0.040647066104549295,0.0,0.05036089832961623,0.03698989498612122,0.07291006092607857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061967508540523235,0.06603885119000186,0.15261078919887405,0.10957623809919237,0.06986551464693172,0.052341135898600316,0.11224814378010567,0.20140937732304354,0.0,0.0,0.057036356072885784,0.05880557423449365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618198029801338,0.12884416334069584,0.0,0.04506293555081127,0.0,0.0,0.08170108419948346
bpd,pyramidprism,2019/06/12,"Diagnose me. Can I break the cycle of 'idealize, devalue and discard'? [BPD, trigger warning] I'd like to know what's wrong with me, if I fit any diagnosis or if anyone else is experiencing this as well.

I  am a female  in my early twenties. Few years back I suffered with  depression, which made me socially isolated, and I would feel alone even  around people. From the outside you would never tell there was any  problem, I had friends, family, did well in life..  but I would only  ever feel connected to people if they shared this dark experience, and  we could talk openly, without any stigma or judgement. This made me  quite fond of irc, because of the anonymity.

I  would desperately try to seek help, but not in the right way. I would  fall in love.  And it would make me feel so much better.  My life was no  longer unbearable, I was high, I would do anything for this person. He  was there for me when I needed it. This improvement in my mood has  allowed me to reconsider suicide and find a cure for my depression. The  actual problem: I had no purpose in life.

Turns  out there was indeed something worth living for me, even if I were to  suffer for the rest of my life. I wanted to pursue mathematics. This  forms basis for pretty much everything I choose to do. If I was a  completely rational being, it would've all been solved along with  logotherapy and I wouldn't be making this post... well the depression  left me shortly afterwards. Soon after my relationship crumbled, which  had a really traumatic impact on me, but I knew what I wanted, I was  indestructible by that point.

Unfortunately  the pattern of finding lovers as allies for my own struggles remained.  Like K in Kafka's Trial, I'd look for too much help from people I didn't  know. This would usually be subconscious though. My experience would  usually go like this: I get to know someone, I want to get close to  them, know everything about them because they are interesting and  fascinating and they seem to really be attracted to me, then we start  dating and at some point I will find them annoying, can't remember why I  liked them. Then I usually end it. Feel horrible about hurting them, my  own confusion... and after some time I repeat this cycle. It's  unplanned, outside of my control, I would've never picked people  everywhere I go. I wouldn't want to have an ex at work, classmate,  roommate.. Now I get to see them all the time, and I still feel  something (despite breaking up with them).  I feel close to them.

This  need for connection, shared experience, intimacy has ultimately just  distracted me from what I really wanted. I tried to stop the cycle by  not getting too close to anyone, but the idealization just got even more  overwhelming, I did end up wishing random people on the street would at  least talk to me. Wasn't sustainable. So far what worked in stopping  the cycle was finding a long term boyfriend that I would neither  idealize nor devalue,  but this doesn't provide the thrill.

Also  I apparently behave completely differently with different people, (to  the observer) changing tone of voice, percieved personality..  I don't  view it as such. (since I am nearly 100% agreeable) I always try to  connect to people using the part of me that we might share. I am  whatever they need me to be. To understand them, to make them feel  understood. I don't view this neither as a hypocrisy nor masking,  because it is always me. Part of me.  I have a desire to understand and  encompass everything. Every point of view, opinion, logical reasoning.. I  might not agree, but I want to understand their angle.

Could this be BPD?

I  have never self-harmed, no substance abuse, no body dysmorphia, .. well  fear of abandonment only if it were to hurt my ego, really... I would  sooner do splitting, then being hurt.

Why do I feel alone, when I have no rational reason to..?

Thank you",5.202928436911493,7.0066496694915275,5.973333333333333,75.5890866290019,69.25423728813557,9.425235404896421,30.201506591337104,9.816601858774405,3.1268529190207164,3018,121,526,74,54,987,312,708,0.156,0.7170000000000001,0.127,-0.9805,4,2,2,0,1,1,124.0,3,2,15,8,29,42,1,5,24,0,65,8,1,12,6,132,112,41,1,38,20,1,8,4,2,17,5,1,0,2,31,27,0,4,27,0,1,3,24,18,4,0,23,15,99,23,86,63,19,72,0,10,5,2,37,33,0,16,36,391,130,2,0.0,0.057734033718126174,0.0475509403052354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093383910578582,0.0,0.0389673062335218,0.08109024644406054,0.0,0.0,0.09940896507372626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814270067054361,0.04992700789993432,0.040098521055040505,0.0433777413635825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03746838404685008,0.0,0.08911136274919693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430954499049079,0.0,0.05412518723267225,0.12274097851305515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051547157356662834,0.0,0.10217956148568468,0.0,0.054651953411785685,0.07780977187657546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590658592914106,0.049457313292619084,0.0,0.10181958144023162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040705513178792736,0.0,0.08631607554385774,0.0,0.0,0.09655201907809642,0.044076747946848835,0.04105495933553485,0.0,0.13137920984723922,0.14299432270984833,0.045935882095408144,0.054831903062316084,0.19710441185143387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814394415692178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764668967714243,0.0,0.10183227904718713,0.0,0.055385840039043184,0.0,0.03897177517347988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532193515780864,0.051483202563030635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649115709721712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711727946954093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052942492643636915,0.0,0.1376704925728935,0.0952230391987839,0.0,0.043027211283791465,0.04312224004837716,0.04091876685362621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397840583959583,0.09221414031819908,0.09757780885931512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338420066841617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746079776990593,0.10839231038977001,0.11274478830828315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411880883795557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553411123882643,0.0,0.2364702405159885,0.0850938205222407,0.0,0.0,0.13818950748772368,0.0,0.046667406119600234,0.04957331167850886,0.0,0.09325113482849927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182761721231313,0.0,0.0,0.12486415138747232,0.10019982219419347,0.0,0.052315021493612335,0.05519867660740906,0.04161295691388131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03882945102246549,0.04435961999752055,0.050833334026320384,0.0,0.0,0.04030783163213634,0.0,0.0,0.04967147603138442,0.0412865912647359,0.0750255087204831,0.0,0.0,0.03448952404205708,0.0,0.03891378661169923,0.08147662265860013,0.0,0.05094048716872274,0.0,0.05329989699445637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783305210583917,0.042589919455994885,0.04486166858221608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787445019779595,0.0,0.05682670975867124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924817432985136,0.05300144877741482,0.0,0.1521809117373153,0.0,0.04208485237148013,0.16099913197121934,0.0,0.17244419563599678,0.0386775639404548,0.0,0.0,0.17524723730425382,0.0,0.08793784865455782,0.0,0.05603413694875895,0.04697150134786211,0.0,0.07094829524281039,0.0,0.0,0.4846039309563688,0.053275792702457817,0.0,0.03137886577208998
bpd,starwars1138,2019/06/12,"Why does it have to be this way Fuck I hate this shit.

Feeling super down, no reasoning that I can figure out but goddamn it do i want it to be over..",-1.03409090909091,0.9250715757575776,1.5729545454545466,98.47943181818184,90.8181818181818,4.512121212121213,17.340909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.5046909090909089,114,3,28,1,4,39,26,33,0.318,0.5529999999999999,0.129,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,6,9,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33673259156029417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456154136453466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557324392894472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37990076573643056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956285233280083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949817215454525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269592932135599,0.3054286359516812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472134026387593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CodeMeStop,2019/06/12,"Effect on a child’s mental health due to abuse. I’ve been looking around this subreddit and other mental health related ones and I’ve seen people who have suffered much worse than me but they’re still better off. Let’s say someone received occasional verbal, physical and psychological abuse because of their behaviour around the house (episodes of extreme aggression due to a mental illness) which they couldn’t control. Could someone who knows about this tell me how this impacts a child’s mental health into the future? Thanks so much.",6.470973684210527,9.126309189473687,5.561250000000001,76.34187500000002,67.63157894736842,7.697368421052633,30.822368421052627,8.472884824447931,2.6875526315789453,443,18,67,7,8,133,67,95,0.152,0.772,0.076,-0.7684,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,2,3,6,4,1,0,5,0,5,4,0,3,0,13,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,3,4,2,11,4,2,10,0,1,2,0,9,5,0,0,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.33010871735763664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480230401588554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491940185214329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320448421736535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562430777826434,0.1112241876146719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44422602137890616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073996091635614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655871557747214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424494160547845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698162047584308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5615491262344022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481129202026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439708101777436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657696405740758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078140584624993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23606636863469305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124963352321376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175923609135822,0.12825388181346864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419643094158132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Takenbysilence,2019/06/12,"Codependency vs BPD For years I thought I had codependency and I went to CODA meetings regularly and they super duper helped. I even got coins for going and it will be going on three years this August.  My question is, what are the major differences between codependency and BPD?  I am certain now that I am BPD yet the symptoms seem very similar between the two. Are they one in the same with just different names?

Does anyone here have similar experiences with thinking it was Codependency?",4.164999999999999,7.296334590909094,5.005636363636363,74.84845454545456,78.0909090909091,8.065454545454546,29.25454545454545,8.841846274778883,3.069996363636364,396,18,64,10,10,128,62,88,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.7608,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,1,15,17,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,9,2,9,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,5,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267359811184145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6628917252383054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666005101237277,0.0,0.0,0.15353106781368492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587823267663434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716166016684426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994162313843649,0.0,0.14031753477018075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759552736513015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118884497562938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653594875381253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159716422813344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235211587833144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241658253938988,0.0,0.13928188738806635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713820013648269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475858131595568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626371180814029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259586621047889
bpd,Sefean,2019/06/12,"Do you think I should show this subreddit to my friend who suffers from BPD? A bit of context first: I have a friend who is right now at the hospital because she tried to kill herself on Sunday (she has tried in the past, but never was as close as this one). She is already awake but she is still feeling like shit. She has suffered a lot in life, was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago (I think) and this last month have been specially rough. Since I've met her I've been reading and learning about BPD and even more after what happened on Sunday, and yesterday night I discovered this subreddit and spend hours reading it (I can't sleep I might aswell do something useful/intereseting). I got a lot of good suggestions (and I'm open to more) and I'm gonna gift her a book I've seen recommended here (https://dd.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/bfenhu/dbt_skills_workbook_pdf_for_those_who_cant_afford/) with a note trying to tell her how much she matters to me and what a wonderfull person she is (she is trully special and I'm not saying this just because she is in the hospital, she is one of the most wonderfull person I've ever met).

Well after this shortsorryIdiditasshortasIcould piece of info, I wanna expose my question:

Do you think reading this subreddit would help her? Or could it be harmful for her?

I know that every person is different and it's hard to answer this without knowing her personally and I've seen a lot of post where people try to cheer each other, but I'm still scared that she can get a bad idea (like a way of hurting herself that she has not think of) or a bad suggestion that might end up hurting her. Or maybe that seeing others people suffering would affect her badly (she is a very empathetic girl). I'm pretty sure she has never used reddit, but teaching her the basics of reddit would be just another excuse (on top of the billions that I already have) to spend time with her.

Thanks a lot to everyone.",6.945348778645176,7.576840005540166,6.695418030722742,76.28614391840847,64.45706371191136,9.112112817929994,29.982498111306967,8.97023862654752,2.3165501385041547,1546,49,281,23,22,486,181,361,0.11699999999999999,0.747,0.136,0.5235,2,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,2,0,2,12,23,2,1,19,0,34,4,2,3,4,62,57,21,1,6,12,0,3,2,2,7,2,1,0,5,23,17,0,0,12,5,2,0,6,12,1,4,9,7,41,11,38,38,11,36,0,5,3,0,46,13,1,11,23,202,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203568006048085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935380715655275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521244543126343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355627031805426,0.09907562525536108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871929900132035,0.0,0.40939692140704137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488273404604226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248130350740274,0.0,0.08490363952930079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197583077731931,0.0,0.0,0.05367414078692316,0.07350798866718637,0.0684684697974422,0.07765128542527013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041089547061466766,0.058055055916806736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912316222555415,0.0,0.0,0.1255688119950016,0.0,0.04245711380057445,0.0,0.0,0.06816043236344818,0.06499428703875376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718615339569601,0.0,0.07279662987248993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446958195610442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002872310623023,0.0,0.17398969960743246,0.0917372246842348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990663470830874,0.0,0.08932119691318766,0.0662410496104489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739920411130125,0.07940302327567332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763511683517894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164066417375705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724166370047128,0.0,0.0,0.06486419204195909,0.0,0.05973842953933104,0.0,0.12535169535410498,0.0,0.0,0.07626080904668313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101332512963399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757573409676677,0.11267652492315207,0.2838265473732007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077828499604899,0.08267475716341383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103433785136356,0.0,0.2438581335290241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939905750130074,0.0,0.06462443688661068,0.08135949398476798,0.0,0.06475692918983876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341638291944282,0.0672224646515865,0.0,0.08132274123016932,0.0,0.0,0.06256103843488574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979515588125862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659040851727011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102836444473833,0.07481702211127786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082828962309725,0.0,0.0,0.04738572298903615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069183152003166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018605036182439,0.0,0.0670513546349121,0.0,0.06450362298139077,0.0,0.0,0.07306614333963006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833564746934163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318295566002995,0.0,0.0,0.05233138598032292
bpd,moldybrain,2019/06/12,"DAE find out they have bipolar disorder instead of or WITH their BPD? Recently I've noticed a change in my mental behavior, usually I can chalk it up to good ol' BPD, but this is different. I've noticed my speech is getting worse, way worse. I talk super fast normally, especially when I feel manic, but it's so bad now. It gets to the point where my speech overloads and I can't say anything cohrerently. My want/need for sex has sky rocketed. Normally, I have a VERY high sex drive, but in the past 4-6 weeks I've had sex 3 times a day, every day, as well as masturbating 2-3 times a day, every day. Also, I feel euphoric, kind of manic, but not like my normal epsiodes. I've felt what I can only assume is mania for 4+ weeks straight. I literally feel like I'm high? And if I see/do/hear something that excites me or would normally set me off into mania, I get SO excited and my entire body shakes and my head spins like I'm orgasming or something. Doing something wrong/taboo makes me feel like this too. But then I get low. Suuuuper low. And its not even because im depressed, it's because I miss the ""high"". It almost seems like my BPD has EXPLODED and is 10x worse. I've been diagnosed with BPD for 8 years, but I haven't seen a psychiatrist in about 6. My mother is bipolar and abused me as a child, and I'm VERY low contact with her. I'm seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow for the first time, but I'm honestly scared to tell her these changes. It's hard enough dealing with the BPD stigma, but at least with BPD a lot of people don't know much about it. If people find out I'm bipolar they're going to treat me poorly. I want to cry just typing this out. Some one please tell me this is just BPD. I want to cancel my appointment so badly. Also I'm sorry if this is a scatter brained post, thats another issue I'm having. My thoughts aren't very linear.",2.7972236727589213,4.157539083550915,4.454796344647523,85.86273411662317,74.61357702349869,7.508755439512621,25.56040034812881,8.131152278815165,1.4598216536118374,1451,49,307,23,30,489,194,383,0.17800000000000002,0.723,0.099,-0.9845,2,0,3,0,1,0,55.0,0,0,2,2,16,22,0,2,14,0,22,11,4,1,0,57,49,32,0,10,18,1,6,5,0,1,4,3,0,1,17,17,0,0,11,0,1,3,6,9,1,2,5,11,36,13,33,43,5,45,0,5,2,4,12,20,0,11,24,168,53,2,0.0,0.07838219057304584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624411298941214,0.0,0.0,0.10580735925108943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936869564387195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443946519272387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047238378252364,0.08065426193653077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734826664145094,0.5832343857292556,0.07385023063746456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996524584285927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266754302526614,0.17065655701081767,0.06820232004749179,0.05697871992847948,0.06714536134196725,0.0,0.06911730674735735,0.07581871652279455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835521794951624,0.0,0.04369438193389027,0.0,0.11147593332271268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379868491396169,0.09452148648238187,0.06351863423035027,0.0,0.12092791444743588,0.05627093059116961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382518523083591,0.0,0.03759709125975666,0.05548720334975901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059261381784868214,0.0,0.06789353824810568,0.0,0.07456085882006395,0.0,0.0,0.20968738548433935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145814446630983,0.06904804510187001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688896663518784,0.036356748664227376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159858242938693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624213690618487,0.0,0.0,0.04415860061012737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666811313096341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048631123258861084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592692106346423,0.0,0.15063453071974184,0.0,0.0,0.04482795881975075,0.05031343061657415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315189595455747,0.09172631443734636,0.0,0.0,0.07261770637498426,0.06253732627321701,0.0,0.06335766417907156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531952592479046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260866380322399,0.0662321324943241,0.0,0.10543304300368296,0.06022451515113712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527867535918158,0.0,0.07405447643853663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053172430833957236,0.1156437881887464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251923371139238,0.11572555320722965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285976648178817,0.16375301713165175,0.11705880340483332,0.05251031311068922,0.10613019849128907,0.0,0.0594807839811008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022510700887499,0.046994214210088425,0.07232949211416484,0.0,0.042601288677007576
bpd,yoshiIsMySon01,2019/06/12,Is narcolepsy common among people with BPD? Is randomly falling asleep ( especially when triggered by something) something people with BPD experience? I used to have a friend with BPD and whenever she got triggered by something or wasn't in a good mood she fell asleep. When someone touched her to wake her up she would jump and sometimes fall down.,6.521311475409839,9.0526621147541,5.417180327868851,77.9536393442623,67.19672131147541,8.158688524590165,35.15081967213115,8.841846274778883,3.3153318032786885,283,14,45,5,5,84,43,61,0.071,0.877,0.052000000000000005,0.1416,0,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,3,3,3,0,11,7,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,11,4,0,11,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7221365779555428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695455189858695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766082734634162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603045481623534,0.15285818260843326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650006578596221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193753758282342,0.4414064869217314,0.1890251136683648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506854050688202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576799370671094,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lifes_all_right,2019/06/12,I think I might have BPD and now I’m afraid of the future If I have BPD then I feel that there may be no end to my unhappiness. I’ve been doing self help stuff for years and I’ve gotten no where. I was having very serious suicidal thoughts this morning because of it. I got myself to stop by saying “Let’s just wait 10 years to see if anything changes.” but the past makes me feel like there may be no way out for me. Makes suicide very attractive right now. I’m strong and can handle a lot of pain... but this just feel like such a horrible way to live the rest of my life.,1.3339791356184811,3.0266834262295106,2.6633233979135618,95.72198956780926,79.49180327868855,6.075707898658719,20.10730253353204,6.980632752743323,0.10071147540983638,446,11,106,5,11,144,78,122,0.182,0.693,0.125,-0.7092,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,5,0,13,2,0,2,0,23,26,8,2,2,6,0,3,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,5,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,5,11,4,12,15,2,14,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,6,11,67,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773339492255828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462108651926376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909900282873032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420289912278954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374794515547728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354527207384963,0.22177937124803046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414415839013865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404115065946147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872366299290144,0.1096369575130878,0.1516659686152635,0.0,0.13706270522508526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196307236476087,0.0,0.0,0.2072220199442668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466461337321353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651657486092235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817570373835975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255761358580195,0.0,0.12343771574786623,0.0,0.0,0.12369078638263778,0.0,0.16192902280614405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297714397586118,0.0,0.0,0.17769054368757475,0.3395724636716377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945914494083533,0.0,0.12322788251020585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561466359376036,0.0,0.24641390352862336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999140590939317
bpd,kazuichisoudaa,2019/06/12,"Advice for FPs from people that have BPD? Hello, everyone. I have no idea how reddit works so I hope that I'm doing this correctly. Recently, my best friend was diagnosed with BPD among other things and through research, learned about FPs and realized what his attachment to me meant. Honestly, the way I think and view things is very different from the BPD mindset and I am doing my best to learn how to accommodate and treat him well. I've read a number of articles but I think this would be the best way as I'd like to know from people that have BPD themselves the things I could do to be a better friend as although he's working on becoming more independent through therapy, he is still reliant on me and I understand that it's something he can't help at the moment.

So, reddit: What is some advice and tips you have for FPs?",4.508888888888889,5.962494148148147,5.116975308641977,82.42138888888894,70.48148148148148,8.85679012345679,28.314814814814817,9.2995712137729,2.3921999999999994,660,24,128,14,12,212,98,162,0.026000000000000002,0.759,0.215,0.9829,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,6,7,11,0,0,7,0,17,1,0,3,1,26,24,15,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,14,11,21,18,5,9,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,2,4,93,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332716680079193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318221865513138,0.0,0.0,0.3757784331562306,0.10556297442278173,0.0,0.0,0.6013118695356863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952981228479296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114645768052827,0.0,0.1247043237166604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405224897745235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844323030974089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000354777042322,0.0,0.0,0.11855001279253564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474132118850804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559636027603781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058312578668867764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549643710427667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193908914197146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785220937092288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918880749080495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531992518580416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364969513442518,0.0,0.2378896332324572,0.15296033161963016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425650293947699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848333805698678,0.0,0.18948258816143626,0.0,0.0,0.10731770796007682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378895202585692,0.0,0.0,0.08478891868698309,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nonebinary,2019/06/12,"spiraling at work because of fp. want to die this is so dumb i feel so stupid and bad and upset and i want to cry and have a panic attack and also be Angry and kill myself at the same time and its over such a small thing and i really really feel like im losing it. i was already pretty awful this morning to my mom for no reason, and now im sitting here at work and i can feel myself spiraling and its really nerve wracking on top of everything else my piece of shit brain is doing. 

my boyfriend, who is my fp, hasn't messaged me back to tell me he loves me too. but he took the time to post happy birthday on an old mutual friends wall (before we started dating he had a crush on her) and now i feel like i'm going insane. really really really dont know what the fuck to do i hate doing this at work i feel like im going to fucking pull my hair out",2.087189440993789,3.1026712282608737,4.4139751552795055,86.8254347826087,75.84782608695652,7.431055900621117,20.751552795031053,7.957251820313856,0.7662900621118012,662,14,146,10,14,232,107,184,0.21600000000000005,0.655,0.13,-0.9359999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,1,0,0,5,9,18,8,2,7,1,13,6,3,1,0,25,30,16,2,2,1,1,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,14,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,12,0,0,3,6,20,6,20,26,2,26,0,1,0,3,11,12,4,0,11,94,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235822769242272,0.08955729517357262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274032739782246,0.0,0.08611237096173432,0.09350585774909413,0.06826725092075442,0.0,0.09529410580849494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501638734108622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301429024059195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622655384298795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124988167409354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355215977975033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064819129357057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831241702724975,0.2400141745828621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652216500465601,0.2070634330021715,0.0,0.0,0.12729147853042574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921401662403767,0.0,0.1105656218908015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629009276002253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389886564436507,0.0,0.06154604168783425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413601528697638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252866708704973,0.0,0.0,0.10107414275538673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115977129043405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751326570269525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139456941420194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725418482334492,0.11393273325381938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304568397180759,0.11514299960597835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149547556018113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926615369613081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788302956538476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440029305699551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060298264143833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442352773672614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321076326309054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24458724633329199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,garseeyal8er,2019/06/12,"Overcoming PTSD I have pretty bad PTSD from a past relationship. I’m 22F, he’s 24M. Every time I think I’ve made some progress, I relapse hardcore and am hit with constant intrusive memories. They hit me every morning, every night, in the middle of my shift at work, literally any time, anywhere. I break down and start hyperventilating and crying.

I know he wasn’t a bad person so it’s just been really hard for me to accept the fact that he did what he did and to understand why he felt the need to hurt me like that. Some of my feelings are probably an overreaction because of BPD but I feel like I can’t overcome it until I get an explanation or an apology, but I know that’s not a realistic hope. Any advice?",2.3819215291750524,4.677322021126759,4.486841046277668,80.95971830985918,78.78873239436619,7.719114688128773,24.93158953722334,8.634040054169528,1.9543364185110663,565,21,111,13,14,194,94,142,0.107,0.805,0.08900000000000001,-0.3518,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,9,0,8,0,0,1,1,24,23,9,0,2,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,4,15,4,13,15,2,12,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,4,9,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066592565324444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969956914602594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574728705281434,0.0939885771905128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941881973999548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661713972040315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936287836220734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897176954727302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591920033836595,0.11014842632125746,0.14803994018550973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805542979405169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381177590016668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531385921498617,0.0,0.0,0.16505618076856315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694699819291801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065213392437066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589176247501512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143248034551994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469038008533355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718520026438334,0.0,0.13462672220208532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685962668078046,0.16623544267118534,0.0,0.36046354961599175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877363196688753,0.0,0.0,0.1655349312650938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913158073278847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987942948601732,0.0,0.0,0.17981079287278226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605100284461105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912625204989962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224712177388854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaay12425,2019/06/12,Tried taking FP off pedestal and broke everything off in a panic thirty minutes later Why am I like this,3.5875000000000017,6.229834750000002,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,76.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.4209999999999998,85,3,14,1,2,27,19,20,0.258,0.636,0.106,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352601693792579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366059071598687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5682250401492664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641354674758008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288098415238031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370079894459957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blurh04,2019/06/12,"How do you stop or avoid getting obsessed with someone? 
I haven't been in this situation for years, but recently I found a girl in Tinder and, although I know it is the BPD speaking, I can't help thinking how perfect she is.

I have tried to distract myself with other things, from exercising to working but it is so difficult get her out of my mind, I want to talk with her 24/7 ... and I would not like to do a Rebecca Bunch and with just one name get all their social networks.

How do you deal with this type of situation besides therapy? What tips have you learned that help in this situation? 

Sorry for broken English.

TL;DR: Tips needed to stop been obsessed with someone besides therapy.",3.587954545454544,5.8751894621212175,4.522727272727273,82.22909090909094,74.83333333333334,7.127272727272729,29.93939393939393,8.07648339933343,2.2626848484848483,547,25,100,9,12,177,83,132,0.214,0.742,0.045,-0.9667,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,1,2,5,7,0,4,3,0,13,1,0,3,2,32,21,11,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,9,10,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,1,16,2,20,17,2,8,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,1,5,77,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992198193291365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307470799222798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734341567729125,0.0,0.0,0.2479246354325386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120469345775023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693056435378177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727784516209991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971482129270667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728708023523356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718559558279014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561818220987001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333965416106804,0.0,0.16124268521668034,0.2680476350154481,0.0,0.0,0.1770674679735592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644880013543005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713759041402886,0.0,0.0,0.3617809574492819,0.0,0.1050865219949608,0.10135415970856386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739256819941677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329756020943868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515556362034013,0.0,0.0,0.112365206261282,0.0,0.0,0.10186153060860736
bpd,AutumnGr,2019/06/12,"Roommates not respecting triggers. Hello, so I have BPD, and PTSD. One of my triggers is living in a filthy environment. It doesn’t matter if it’s out of sight out of mind, if I know it’s filthy it eats me up internally. I’m having a reoccurring issue of my roommate being a pig. We spoke to her over a month ago about cleaning her room, and her maintain her area upstairs. A month later, nothing has changed. She doesn’t pitch in for chores, help with dishes. She doesn’t clean her room, take care of her cat. She hasn’t cleaned her cats litter box in weeks. Her boyfriend is constantly over, and due to him being unemployed, he just lays around our house all day doing nothing. When they are together they spend the day locked up in her room, smoking, sleeping, and watching tv. It honestly makes me so angry. To the point where I’m ready to shove her face in her cats litter box till she changes.  It’s all really starting to affect my mental health, and due to this being a reoccurring problem. I don’t know how to bring this up without exploding on her. Like I feel lied to. Before moving in she told me she was a neat organized person. She looked forward to adulting and taking on responsibility, and it was all horseshit to get me to move in with her, and I can’t take it.  Feeling like I’m about to snap, and introduce her to a side of me that’s quite terrifying.",2.9167927429274267,4.924749343173435,3.9665175276752787,86.7363199569496,75.86346863468634,6.730688806888068,24.944803198031977,7.645422480735847,1.23639840098401,1076,37,217,15,24,348,148,271,0.06,0.8490000000000001,0.091,0.6744,2,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,2,1,9,7,0,0,10,0,18,5,2,5,3,35,36,16,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,7,2,11,15,2,0,4,1,1,4,8,1,0,1,4,6,39,6,43,29,3,41,0,0,3,0,33,25,0,2,16,143,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241483371932108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467666512965132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917459850889328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639157082306486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427931409661995,0.0,0.29631453709287003,0.0,0.0,0.1513472981099665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064491077055211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330895587435874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416297851126091,0.10005373242369747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317179592028213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886955360776727,0.0,0.0,0.09387442475426172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160210170221356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461787131392521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539386879331084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684542576001407,0.0,0.1236691686579086,0.0,0.11760906013448776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934863166899969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114025922860446,0.0,0.14141338098997722,0.0,0.2235775820712524,0.29770787676654714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687688350317673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490338681222243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222886834624468,0.0,0.0,0.13239514405225095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401159378636415,0.16371420249158086,0.0,0.0,0.14896336859696874,0.0,0.0,0.08972139569663999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015392221247386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913007695422976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159067773023434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382643099043076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123418904748244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500587997652055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KarenScream,2019/06/12,"It's not your imagination... Some insight and a book recommendation. (Trigger Warning for childhood and adult sexual violence and suicide mentioned) The book is called ""The Body Keeps the Score"" by Bessel Van Der Kolk.

​

I've seen a lot of posts recently about abuse and I thought I'd share my experience. I was molested by my mother. I'm currently 32 years old. Until i was about 28 I only had one memory of the abuse and has been gas-lighted enough to believe that it was a normal, healthy memory until I told someone about it and they told me it was definitely molestation. Let's fast forward over the blur of mania and extremely dangerous sexual behavior that occurred over the subsequent three years and  then nearly a year of mostly quiet solitude. 

​

I'd been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder and I fit the criteria for borderline personality disorder- the ""quiet kind."" I'm a decent person, introverted and considerate, fun one-on-one... but I've been raped by the majority of my sexual partners and I've been suicidal my entire life, often threatening suicide and performing suicidal gestures to no one but myself. I'm fine now. Seriously fine. How? Acceptance. Complete and Utter Acceptance. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a job right now, I don't have an active social life or a partner- my success story is that I'm now able to breathe and feel safe in my own body and just like when I successfully quit drinking I know it's gonna stick this time. 

​

As disordered people we can reserve the right to use our diagnoses to our full advantage. We can go to group therapy or browse this sub and know that people with that label share many of our experiences. We can use it to connect to information that can truly help us, like this book. We can also use it like armor. When we frame our disorder accurately no one can use it against us. 

​

I read the book I'm recommending last summer when I was suicidally depressed  and I'm revisiting it now because it truly changed my life. Here are the insights I gained from it and from my own experiences:

​

No one is born mentally ill. Developmentally disabled? Yeah. Neurologically variant? Hell yeah. But mentally ill? No. Everyone is born with a brain that's just right for them. It's what happens when we're developing that dictates how WELL it functions later on. All mental illness is caused by social toxicity and trauma. Serious mental illness and these ""personality disorders"" are caused by serious trauma. Serious abuse. Has anyone else heard the statistic that, like 98% of BPD peeps were abused as children? It's usually on the same page as ""causes unknown."" hehe... Seriously? I'm no rocket-surgeon, but...

​

Taking responsibility for one's actions is a double-edged sword. It's the key to recovery, but it doesn't work if we continue to believe that responsibility for one's actions begins at conception. Accountability is constantly restarting and we just try to get further in the game each time. We need to take responsibility for ourselves, but only ourselves. Not our abusers. NOT taking responsibility for their actions is our first and biggest responsibility.

​

Being alone is often safer and therefore more conducive to healing than continuing with our social lives as they are. Why are we so afraid of being alone? Because the first few times we were alone we were being abused and neglected and we were children so it was a legit life-threatening situation. Luckily the adult that's in charge of us now is capable (even if we often fail) of being there all the time and keeping us safe and fed and comfortable and loved. If we're being abused right now, even a little we need to protect ourselves from that person like a good parent would handle a bully. 

​

Our family dynamics follow us our entire lives. If your family constantly scapegoated you, blamed you for your own abuse, looked at you like you were scum, acted like your appearance was your only worth etc. That's what you're gonna be in every group dynamic until you  realize it and take back ownership of yourself. It's been clinically observed. 

​

We KNOW what abuse looks like. Abusers will always try to get you confused about what is and isn't abuse, and it will work until it doesn't. 

​

You're smarter and more interesting than you think you are. Surviving CONSTANT AGONY takes a lot of brain power. Duh. Right? Stop thinking ""If I'm so smart than why am I such an Idiot?"" and start thinking ""It sure would be nice to use my intelligence toward something other than surviving horrific trauma...""

​

We need to reexamine the words ""victim"" and ""survivor."" Have we survived abuse if we want to kill ourselves or are we still being actively threatened by that abuse? I loathe the pressure I felt to call myself a ""survivor"" now that I feel as though I've actually survived.  How about instead of ""you are a survivor"" it's ""you were victimized and you can survive it."" 

​

The only daily affirmation we need is ""It's a long, slow, arduous process."" Tape that to your bathroom mirror. In fact, remove yourself from all advice and affirmation that causes cognitive dissonance. Don't remind yourself that you can't love yourself all the time yet. Focus on actually doing. Remember that every time we breathe through the pain and do things that support our wellness, we're loving ourselves.

​

Acceptance may come as a serious of earth shaking revelations punctuated by periods of utter despair over the course of years once you've unlocked the trauma. There are many things we have to accept and not one of them alone will solve our problems. I dunno what it's gonna look like for you, but I do know it's gonna be a lot of layers but at the middle is what ""it's not your fault"" really means.

​

Here's your reframe. Here's what you say to people when they accuse you of being abusive and manipulative and use your diagnosis against you. ""My disorder is caused by abuse. I know from abuse and I know my behavior right now is motivated by my need to survive, not my need for some kind of satisfaction. I'm not like that."" Done. 

​

I hope this is affirming for someone. Yall deserve so much better.",4.550605278857162,7.282077455184537,5.383324841585917,75.06228059850696,73.6572934973638,8.288624820625271,29.948275584076363,9.047776697811006,3.0109896389932445,5016,222,828,117,109,1630,447,1138,0.198,0.639,0.163,-0.9959,4,4,2,0,15,2,218.0,38,26,6,20,47,73,9,4,48,3,86,26,6,18,6,180,156,84,6,18,27,2,3,10,2,10,14,4,0,10,64,70,2,7,26,7,2,11,20,31,2,10,27,11,109,42,110,108,24,95,1,4,4,4,102,29,1,24,66,563,173,12,0.023254400199499616,0.4408425863799398,0.045385880214309185,0.0,0.0,0.022723930738637117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633818178609567,0.0,0.018596535437956457,0.019349523837143414,0.3779419935085808,0.4238496234500005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01626001731122606,0.02382688108226328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01788119834495513,0.0,0.02835133304415163,0.0,0.0,0.05239949152838844,0.0,0.02056662722766981,0.0,0.051660792584761035,0.029288102992399076,0.05191920262906388,0.04749068520299672,0.0,0.0,0.11944337362116073,0.024600071987641255,0.020031606686555882,0.02438179617569693,0.0753892360159153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020028980816822608,0.04720545340242687,0.0,0.0,0.15990934377226765,0.0,0.0,0.02379732515938889,0.0,0.022780459152891862,0.0,0.0,0.01942606742722252,0.0,0.0,0.02402801169908846,0.02593480324552344,0.030718624028595758,0.0,0.039185670244269936,0.022220575936049262,0.0,0.06824179669398568,0.043844357838940175,0.0,0.02351624691482733,0.0,0.022327870968448557,0.0,0.0,0.03956036186035705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036448392942795935,0.0,0.013216011531238529,0.0195046875897957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020563789297581483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015586934272006182,0.0,0.0,0.02309686643703913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02307640398518854,0.04133915874492651,0.02572754839471696,0.04843175864852756,0.07668006116724464,0.018955439886041852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02377919973780517,0.06570108230089347,0.11360925312350348,0.023307018150031462,0.04106812283303941,0.020579412403258505,0.05858351819169345,0.0,0.0,0.05931017839318185,0.06296401227734746,0.0,0.0,0.047152623759712506,0.0,0.02533085907827597,0.0,0.0,0.0937398636311877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01709465983221251,0.10345705855496368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022784374818845498,0.0,0.0,0.024401581198211928,0.024765177270946532,0.12606226723030728,0.07074407694050078,0.024744321369388332,0.0,0.025821259448820515,0.0,0.0,0.04836501928885496,0.08121938116069442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022271287281184403,0.0,0.0,0.022251320415574857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024733917052867708,0.0232606931704508,0.0,0.014897364230748025,0.0,0.0229609147652624,0.0,0.026342702251635902,0.11915478426293195,0.0,0.01849283240192234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02613892014541195,0.0,0.07111479752315644,0.03940675565131017,0.017902373380777027,0.0,0.0,0.016459584150946796,0.0,0.01857099403825372,0.019441719829894483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718269738185775,0.02638881776928214,0.02191699698350633,0.0,0.08742207452105459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026593433269200932,0.0,0.030898380388715545,0.04470144202894075,0.022847330126969625,0.01846139621669406,0.0813589665795653,0.0,0.0,0.044441151872098524,0.0,0.03157642255308225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986090100610493,0.120506012476808,0.025611436462834786,0.0,0.013716047738398669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181699704108567,0.0,0.041966958378953284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03385896060761079,0.0,0.0,0.033038517400776284,0.025425036081251767,0.4238496234500005,0.0599002852120744
bpd,morotskaka21,2019/06/12,"I’m suffering from my relationship with my mother who has BPD, and I don’t know what to do. I’m 17 years old and I have a damaged relationship with my mother. A common advice I hear is to cut ties with the person who has BPD, but I can’t do that, since she is my mother. However, I don’t live togheter with her but I still visit her. My dad has cut all ties with my mother, and my sister hates her. 

I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice, because I don’t know how to handle the guilt I get, or how to feel less guilty from our relationship.",3.3743292682926835,3.6430590650406534,5.46803861788618,83.24400914634148,72.17073170731706,8.751626016260163,24.318089430894307,8.841846274778883,1.4290333333333334,447,11,101,8,8,157,64,123,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.9429,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,3,1,5,0,15,0,0,2,1,20,25,10,0,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,2,20,0,12,24,2,6,0,2,0,0,19,1,0,4,4,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419645330888065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898811051840585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234567363812553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666233846598623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407464791213896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847195593846809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141653218566437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727502957239134,0.0,0.0,0.19720806734400714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923219300970478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450497551415665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360545578690687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278027861809776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635687887077655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447400459740694,0.1966777606783776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973421628346602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975150486453168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126773207727061
bpd,CorasConflict,2019/06/12,"I lost a friend today - they said we don't connect I guess this is venting, and I'm talking about my friendship breakdown.

Basically I was feeling that my friend didn't want to hang out, so I asked them, because I'm not trying to force friendship on anyone. My friend said that they don't connect with me in the same way as their other friends, and they want to not be friends. We see each other 3 times a week at sports and carpool together usually. We've known each other a year and a half. They want to be like acquaintances, or sports buddies. They basically suggested that we're ""just"" training partners and that otherwise hanging out or being friends outside of training, they just don't feel it.

So, logically, that's fine. Like, I should be okay with that. But, the thing is, I'm really angry about it, because I feel very rejected. I tried to tell them why I feel angry, that I'm not going to be their friend in one context and not the other, and that they're either my friend or they're not, because I find it unacceptable otherwise. Which, I shouldn't, because that's just their boundaries, but I really wouldn't be able to handle that. I either want to not be their friend at all, or be their \*friend\*.

And I don't think they took my expression of my feelings very well. I think they think I'm being dramatic. Which I am. But, I'm trying to talk about it. I'm not diagnosed with BPD, I don't want to go see a psych, but I suffer from the symptom that I really overreact when I feel small, tiny, little bits of rejection. At least I think people here will understand.

Like, we've seen each other for the past year and a half, three times a week, my mistake if I thought we were friends or something. This is what I feel mad about. And then I also feel a big loss. I viewed her as my friend, but she didn't view me as a friend. So I'm also mad about her lack of investment - but that's me projecting a little as well, because I don't invest in people for some time, because things like this happen, I don't want to be rejected. But, then if I don't invest they don't feel a 'connection' and so when I do want to be friends, I get rejected anyway. I just really can't win. I'm going to have to experience some form of really intense emotion with other people, and it makes me really want to avoid people more every time I have a relationship meltdown.

So, I dealt with this pretty poorly, I was just ruminating on it, trying not to but doing it anyway. I was so emotional, I couldn't seem to meditate, couldn't suppress it, it was really overwhelming. And I just felt so angry, like I wanted to physically break stuff, and scream. But, I'm renting with furniture, so I'm not going to break that. And I wanted to respect the peace of the people living nearby. So, here's the self-harm part: >!So, I punched the floor until I thought I shouldn't continue, due to the amount of pain in my fists, and then with slightly grown nails I just really aggressively scratched by own thigh until the pain was enough that I felt better. And then my really intense anger subsided and the throb of pain was very relaxing. And then I got very sad and I sobbed for like 10 minutes. And I got the emotions out of my system !<and an hour later, here I am, writing this post.

I know that I have been having an emotional overreaction. But, is it normal to know someone for a year and a half and they just treat your friendship like its worthless? I find it hard to let go of people. And I really don't want my intense emotional reactions to be observed by my ex-friend, because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. But, I really can't handle just being their sports buddy, like I'm going to have to freeze them out and have 0 rapport with them, otherwise it's really just too painful for me, which sucks.",4.231616219445414,5.238708254617414,5.181403395230749,83.38771419325933,70.6754617414248,8.464818041519393,26.96679444416787,8.787695798879287,1.8850221735450785,2979,96,603,52,53,976,263,758,0.159,0.693,0.14800000000000002,-0.9125,1,4,1,0,0,0,114.0,3,1,21,4,36,54,5,2,29,1,58,8,1,1,1,139,125,67,0,23,39,0,15,8,15,5,7,3,1,1,46,43,0,2,27,4,5,10,29,23,2,5,21,23,99,31,77,83,18,58,0,11,5,0,53,18,2,11,33,418,145,2,0.045290956232771885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243832267235177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031668489665138695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04234093024796165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326262580828224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005617025736796,0.049445993951365785,0.0,0.057042373890090925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596936720912443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547311488290873,0.0,0.04679766482419801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815958400903522,0.0,0.0,0.04430324584877962,0.0,0.0,0.2290046831225988,0.0,0.08697284110770069,0.0,0.08279022696379901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248752065454753,0.0,0.02366265531634116,0.0,0.1544393649454814,0.0,0.07244663021387766,0.0,0.04989309443795322,0.0,0.04005064302096024,0.0,0.04057180073414896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460246872089574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978145016939888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463130713041762,0.0,0.1770149878461357,0.09078687301272208,0.03999274412232123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049440428880731434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030232064975414082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437552092758799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030690324082486425,0.0,0.19277108272605092,0.0,0.0,0.04904569202862665,0.043235342502699496,0.18839427833153344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043376216494344026,0.04607718488140847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481745556471444,0.0,0.0,0.04862553732679214,0.0,0.0,0.08616414180396821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218205655529666,0.04123118554496096,0.04724834494130795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837488024131944,0.03486719082390953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184730912018157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707464512326618,0.0,0.07280631005794322,0.03958629202714585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601785976779984,0.11608246394120345,0.0,0.0719119203998341,0.10563808319820502,0.0,0.04293053077615688,0.0,0.050319918845008436,0.12299834522241801,0.0,0.0,0.047149482709675214,0.0,0.0,0.049881589632298,0.14947912857875062,0.32056535321162544,0.035949852937088266,0.07265934636312722,0.0,0.08144401775688526,0.0,0.040868043442475716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749767267472862
bpd,cmonusername,2019/06/12,HELP! Mother Currently Having an Episode It started last night when she bumped into someone she hates and she's accusing me of conspiring with them against her. She's staying with me at the moment.  She was yelling and saying that she can't believe anything I say I was crying and felt hopeless. Then she woke me in the middle of the night and now i feel like I'm gonna pass out I'm so tired. I don't wand to go home to see her. I am afraid.  We're tried all the dbt steps. She can't be reasoned with. I don't know what to do. Please help.,-0.3130144927536236,1.9164822782608724,1.252173913043478,99.74028985507248,91.43478260869566,4.110144927536232,18.971014492753625,5.6839178017228535,-0.4087855072463769,422,13,98,3,15,135,76,115,0.127,0.778,0.095,-0.5859,1,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,1,5,0,10,1,0,1,1,14,21,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,6,20,1,13,15,1,18,0,1,1,0,16,5,0,0,10,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072518923135468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337408760246515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22788945464556706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490002849943306,0.1482123181133896,0.19919796806055226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790656827996117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482774176856053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781174828235544,0.0,0.20810330064457894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140167849475241,0.16911084421480113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135642761039897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893818070284328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773316413977476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330753797092253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299673885927365,0.0,0.0,0.1653219420352346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578356809505308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684408211707312,0.2211290126662757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238449340865254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085443301073586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,urokiguess,2019/06/12,"I Feel So Alone I feel like I’m losing touch with my friends and boyfriend, I think they’re over me.

I’m in a group chat with two of my ‘bestfriends’, every time I post in the chat they leave my messages on read and they never post in there anymore... asking to hang out, they either don’t open the message or they say they can’t. I’ve asked if everything’s good and they tell me it is, but I don’t believe them??

My boyfriend knows I’m not doing too good right now, I’ve tried talking about it a little but he doesn’t show any interest or ask any questions. I think it’s because his mental health isn’t too good right now either. I’ve tried hard to be responsive and I’ve shown him care and interest in his wellbeing but it’s not being reciprocated.

I just, I feel so alone and depressed. The only type of reassurance and solitary I get is from others dealing with mental illness.",1.9348093083387177,3.9211330109890135,3.1083710407239837,91.8454524886878,78.78021978021978,5.820814479638012,22.79379444085326,6.794906146795322,0.5320015513897864,696,22,150,7,17,224,101,182,0.095,0.731,0.174,0.9499,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,7,1,9,11,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,0,1,31,24,15,0,1,11,0,5,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,12,0,0,7,4,0,1,8,2,0,1,0,6,25,9,16,22,2,18,0,2,0,0,26,11,0,4,5,88,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27256252589029084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896316277858598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049589621329466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690396228122432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021233952731849,0.0,0.0,0.14825002404608142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415858142261947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356572491235561,0.11333304202403498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086513220891753,0.0,0.11825914745302835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959835881468305,0.09400358250526172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166141425627874,0.0,0.06874717002782475,0.0,0.0,0.3310990606806123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178733513258496,0.0,0.0,0.13986755942124876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231508411196623,0.0,0.0,0.1393283776429726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428525932657936,0.1318816614589729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720875451360088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652112956071537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148563506062144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007550456730196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520420545061209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740411069942908,0.0,0.13161953374985014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474390643803754,0.0,0.1046408187674816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576217482226938,0.11501015048306605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686273323751544,0.0,0.0,0.07672764499537403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786736957265144,0.0,0.12853837509755114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TieDyeShyGuy,2019/06/12,when you cry and realise you're still capable of expressing emotion I've just cried my eyes out because something scared me so much and now i feel relieved that I reacted like any normal person would,3.647368421052629,6.460944526315793,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,77.42105263157895,6.957894736842108,30.552631578947373,8.07648339933343,2.562084210526315,164,8,28,3,4,51,34,38,0.19399999999999998,0.632,0.174,-0.2263,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929588316011483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729705608112775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6233691992494637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191790718909502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434718575913041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862527166197175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085879273084668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780134594738584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477584014521001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840819276304408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184435954883369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266020612587924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015669201263276,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NecroticBrains,2019/06/12,Anyone here get super depressed when having little sleep? Whenever I get very little sleep I get severely depressed. Last night I got maybe 3 hours of sleep and now I'm fucked. I feel like crying and killing myself for no reason. Anyone else have this happen ?,2.4085714285714275,5.363738666666666,2.817619047619047,87.075,89.41666666666666,4.40952380952381,17.273809523809522,6.1826913282559595,0.11255595238095273,208,5,34,2,7,64,36,48,0.377,0.522,0.10099999999999999,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,4,10,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,2,2,9,0,7,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,6,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238403649423053,0.17467433446269634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726151760867,0.0,0.0,0.2936640244323812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241206758712038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619854115034929,0.12178915282139052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760369234099322,0.267202356764059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634642205879893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507526812756044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788598744013614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860808419232367,0.0,0.0,0.13896190756610355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328669039660551,0.3417264617732352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126755229976567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998157577487754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752792525653664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259103905732106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118018200031522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066178298432222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,calysoworm,2019/06/12,"Vent (rather quiet) I feel like i'm dying all over again. 
nothing i do is right. Or, i just don't care enough to do the right thing, for me. I've been here before, and i'll be here again. I can't sustain myself, or should I desensitize myself from the things that hurt which happen to be many these days. how do people have a job? how do people keep and form relationships? how do people develop themselves? please....don't ask me.",1.107558139534884,3.5261446395348837,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,85.16279069767441,4.835348837209303,15.576744186046513,6.2581,-0.556847441860465,333,6,71,3,10,106,59,86,0.08199999999999999,0.887,0.031,-0.6209,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,3,1,13,19,7,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,9,2,5,15,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992444147653603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135486954931215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729656970926714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744889698577786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211915556741829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202165442676286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776311195828196,0.15225754329071536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884669723351614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281562200032959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114950668154844,0.1894365375659442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412279398312993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160767188637063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045005295842025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44326503352055946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22881799409200024,0.0,0.36401756349975933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831834209955765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weeeeeeeeee__d,2019/06/12,"funny aftermath anyone else look back on some of the things you have done while having a panic attack, or breakdown or stupid physical injury you have caused yourself and just think, man that was really stupid and just kinda laugh at yourself because it was so fast, stupid and fake feeling and its almost satirical in a fucked up way.  ahhh BDP is fun 🙃😂",9.771741293532335,7.885698910447765,8.794626865671644,71.78756218905475,59.8955223880597,11.321393034825865,34.273631840796014,9.725611199111238,3.1715213930348263,285,8,49,4,3,89,55,67,0.297,0.58,0.12300000000000001,-0.9488,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,4,9,5,1,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,14,11,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,2,2,5,8,1,9,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,5,4,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811704842407847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633479842577836,0.2877023932300113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31943900127913993,0.0,0.21591006980320415,0.0,0.1711668921312451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884485327947937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287345514387341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456389741332456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197578973565414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25958570048580115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357927632155303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294464005245981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988117400711234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865443058634745,0.1799188041461342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228779207493881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PinkiePiesTwin,2019/06/12,"My family made an unlovable, fucked up person Potential trigger warnings: abuse, self harm, suicide

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about interactions with most of my family members growing up and how it’s affected me as a person. 

My mom was emotionally absent, she seemed to get frustrated or annoyed by me. My dad had anger issues. He’s never physically abused me (besides spanking me a bit too forcefully). But he has raised his voice a lot, and while he’s yelling and throwing things around he’s also ranting and cussing. Obviously it made me fear him and all I could really do that when it happened was just stand there and try not to break down in fearful tears in front of him because I was afraid my “punishment” (his yelling) would be worse if I start crying. The important thing to remember in my family is crying is bad, it means you’re being difficult and nobody wants to hear it. Or my family wasn’t able to effectively deal with me being an overly sensitive child, because I have had an anxiety disorder my entire life and it doesn’t take much for me to cry.  (Another important note: my dad was a truck driver and could be gone for a few days at a time. My mom worked and still works a flexible schedule, not a 9 to 5. This meant that if I wasn’t being watched by my babysitter, my grandmother or my sister would watch me as a kid.) 

My brother has a temper like my dad does. One memory I have from when I was four I think, is I got excited about something and he screamed something at me and naturally, it made me cry because it scared me. I was never close with him. He basically doesn’t interact with me anymore, another long story. Our nonexistent relationship doesn’t really factor too much into my mental turmoil since we were never close, so maybe I’ll go in depth another time, I don’t know. 

My sister and brother are several years older than me. This meant my sister had to babysit me a lot when I was a baby because she hadn’t graduated from high school yet. She carries resentment towards me because my parents had her babysit me, and several times she has complained about this to me whenever I’ve told her to stop treating me like a child (when I’m an adult). So, my sister sees me as a burden and as someone to do things she’s too lazy to do because she’s had to babysit me a lot, nothing I had any say over (?!) because nobody asks to exist, it just happens, right?

My grandmother also babysat me a lot. Or, I stayed at her house and had to occupy myself with whatever (note: anybody watching me, including my parents, never really interacted with me because they were always watching TV. Unless I wanted to watch whatever they were watching in the living room, then they wouldn’t be talking to me.) I was there, but she carried about her business and did her own thing and I did mine. (I’m not sure if this is super awful, I’m just getting everything out right now and in a mentally bad place).

My aunts were annoyed by me too. 

Not only was I accepted in my family, I was often made fun of throughout school for my weight. No validation from my family, none from school. That means very low self esteem and self worth. I’m improving, but I still hate my appearance and don’t see myself as too lovable. Especially right now. 

I know that so many other people have had it much worse than me growing up. I’ve never been beaten, I was just emotionally neglected for the most part and whenever I did something my dad didn’t like a few times he yelled and screamed at me for around a half hour or less and that was it. It’s just.... it still has obviously affected me. 

It’s just a night where I’m feeling angry with my family and everybody else treating me shitty during my childhood because they’ve created an unlovable person. They’ve made a clingy, insecure, emotionally unstable woman. I had so many hopes and dreams as a child. Lawyer, doctor, vet, astronaut, I’ve always wanted to be all of those things at one point or another. (No encouragement from family. They said I’d have to go to school forever. More discouraging.) Now, I’m 23 years old and going to school for a second time and living with my parents because I literally cannot go to school and live alone at the same time. It’s why I dropped out of a state university and had to come back home and go to this podunk community college that miraculously offers bachelors degrees. I’ve only got around a year left if I can stick through it but god dammit, will it be hard if I’m going to have a breakdown about my life a few times a month and just feel an emotional rollercoaster each and every day. It’s going to be god damn hard feeling like I’m an outcast EVERYWHERE I am or go. 

Why on earth do I think that having some good friends and a good partner will cure my mental turmoil? I don’t know. I should know better. I was still unwell when I had friends and a girlfriend. All I know is, I just want to fit in somewhere and I want to feel loved. I want to feel loved so bad. Whenever I think about this loneliness and isolation and how plain UNLOVED I fucking feel, it’s all I can do not to scream until my throat is raw and I can’t talk for several days. Or pull all of my hair out. Or slash up my arms. But I can’t do any of those things, because people will see and get freaked out and my family will pretend they care. If they really cared, though, they would see how sick and awful I can get. That I’m very good at hiding things for the most part. 

I know it’s all on me to get better. Nobody else can. But I crave the affection, the love and the acceptance I missed out on from my childhood. I feel like I can’t find myself able to get better if I don’t have anybody encouraging me but myself. I really just crave someone to hold me and let me cry and just... comfort me. I’m trying to work on my issues but I can’t really hug and comfort myself, you know?

I just needed to get this out and indulge my usual craving for validation, attention, and coddling. If you read through all of this, congrats. I’m going to try and stop crying and silently screaming and go to bed, I have to work my minimum wage job tomorrow (actually today, in less than eight hours). I hope I manage to stick this one out.",4.395761789142227,5.465695785481241,5.504188322774006,80.99144997913429,70.3458401305057,8.867089039796655,28.856140217762434,9.19620592476558,2.37533392010319,4867,179,959,97,86,1614,437,1226,0.145,0.7240000000000001,0.132,-0.578,5,2,3,0,4,1,147.0,2,2,7,10,54,71,12,7,46,2,100,14,3,13,15,206,191,102,1,24,42,16,11,5,4,9,4,11,3,13,47,75,1,5,29,4,2,18,30,38,0,7,49,32,164,33,131,121,32,128,0,4,10,6,86,53,3,31,57,661,211,20,0.07304300811365352,0.08654402053360323,0.03563971966916639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03782526389353955,0.0,0.05841246719877674,0.06077763410394092,0.0,0.0,0.049671750268760084,0.15318392548873208,0.02793885063971997,0.0,0.03621951840348461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975356448572356,0.03414267625247952,0.0,0.0,0.028082782281791768,0.0914817911496203,0.24489486881966144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690090734914968,0.03987202344343429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447221483317286,0.0,0.0,0.03146004190998445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058318898415087986,0.0,0.2407029437322632,0.0706600463040187,0.03765206702872672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185680772384922,0.037381306950795126,0.03196021431420184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061018060604871124,0.1643271056154918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030770942327430467,0.0,0.03282317292609994,0.0,0.3098630132473695,0.08219369129290141,0.12926458859682405,0.05218193959107719,0.0,0.0,0.03337999306510713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056432846877592965,0.06752708400172057,0.13356684950140418,0.0,0.20756012393885914,0.0918975145555279,0.05841916619426672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459169084666505,0.0,0.06543218816090351,0.036057424185777565,0.0,0.0,0.0411623893741093,0.0,0.0,0.038586974205750926,0.0366340463504233,0.0725481882175969,0.07193264959842016,0.04214091221058113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623792330137209,0.03624195741587742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049884456851142,0.0,0.04119784734084638,0.0,0.03968072101822093,0.03734571230570947,0.05159243676905546,0.08921281054869719,0.0,0.09674747156144983,0.03232038182558194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524638363884924,0.09888624991801408,0.17278765095797402,0.0,0.07405414567379046,0.036690759648868976,0.07956524912735176,0.0,0.0,0.11041525841955953,0.0,0.0,0.08554708830199602,0.029151116102686142,0.0,0.08054252309964846,0.027080232495839456,0.1408381770396632,0.0,0.0,0.03427295752279741,0.0,0.03504336813293663,0.0,0.038323174929390816,0.0,0.07424374899857954,0.05555249911443768,0.0,0.0,0.12165842467948496,0.07909845979790822,0.0,0.050638824853584175,0.09566750592702088,0.038157198533486994,0.0,0.03452462612704205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653138729450013,0.0,0.14037966411217018,0.0,0.0,0.039210427565687385,0.04137174465465688,0.0935674947432664,0.03474031369831854,0.029043365891826226,0.0365643967887792,0.22177027137332528,0.11641164111288295,0.03324780564157033,0.11429968132602968,0.12377671245415073,0.0,0.03021096555861652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188910374117813,0.08434811430659189,0.0,0.0,0.02585010854657175,0.03892706398383936,0.1166644812661275,0.06106722543241164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994859775819663,0.0,0.03442108535931235,0.0,0.02745962589347377,0.058709203101782785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984285135810406,0.09360602050365764,0.035882192306028016,0.0,0.14907187899583946,0.0,0.034618115498489706,0.03489786222097066,0.0,0.07438711176029071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022327699936585,0.06026813137640896,0.12924797599355034,0.0,0.0,0.044473352990737534,0.0,0.0,0.06590995370943183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063523596895355,0.0,0.07443706550657507,0.0778314858864833,0.0,0.0,0.0705559536241531
bpd,Honeypear2,2019/06/12,"how to date someone with bpd for the first time my boyfriend and i have a pretty good relationship usually, but we have some rough times that really confuse me.

sometimes he randomly says things that are very mean and hurtful about me. 

sometimes he tells me he feels nothing at the moment and I'm never sure what to do.

he tells me he loves me. he says ""i feel like I'm mentally abusive to you. you need to leave me.""

I refuse to leave him because of his bpd. but it's extremely hard to understand. i never know what he's going to say or how he will react. I just want to know what to do and how to do it",1.4264285714285698,3.360802833333338,3.020873015873015,92.10607142857144,80.19047619047619,6.4222222222222225,22.404761904761905,7.492282038375204,0.7746476190476193,471,15,105,7,12,155,75,126,0.166,0.736,0.098,-0.8647,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,1,5,6,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,4,3,29,19,10,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,8,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,7,17,4,15,18,1,10,0,1,0,1,21,1,0,4,9,65,25,0,0.0,0.17076511417241816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785754868160096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630419677888473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574833605957624,0.1029632644412288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259305100735075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190982587479484,0.1208856061033353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910811183667378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428929632245714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841517801926994,0.0,0.0,0.3052161249411489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704124244982373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007886355187567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699488846966134,0.0,0.0,0.14524457491219442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686720966868213,0.22231689476617392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829227538333444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662741685460376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233046651402352,0.0,0.0,0.15473681714160972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34384307513492385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211704287862833,0.0,0.2850875498730038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358365496560043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519440264300697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575055800574377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808144096357655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500396969464154,0.0,0.0,0.15873384312018474,0.11891860664659927,0.08500893626545758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_vicaramelia,2019/06/12,"Can actively feel myself adjusting my persona to what I believe to be someone else’s perception of me A particular someone, of course. This time being an unrequited love. 


 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯",6.2231182795698965,9.4074575483871,7.091612903225808,62.624086021505384,70.29032258064515,10.58494623655914,42.59139784946237,10.504223727775694,6.047894623655914,148,10,20,5,3,49,28,31,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506953405846714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33417263488480703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226652212472904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610415054319429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6778860115458221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332599425596107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cd_sweet,2019/06/12,"What Does Recovery Look Like? How does one know if they are getting better, and I guess... what is the progression of recovery? What is the end result or goal? Do you feel different? 

I know everyone's experiences are different, but please feel free to share your own story.",2.989666666666668,5.932081700000001,3.9440000000000026,81.62866666666667,82.0,8.933333333333335,24.333333333333336,9.2995712137729,2.7519333333333327,215,8,39,7,6,69,39,50,0.0,0.7390000000000001,0.261,0.9308,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,11,12,5,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,5,2,12,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,2,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133054925698487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503966799750036,0.0,0.0,0.42211922117704975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361527784493606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230459318523941,0.0,0.2359218471835504,0.0,0.0,0.24389728933351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600741197504475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568868208173263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650941585528088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782912885880695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025317693242026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343086853988253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647449300994925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gnomikbonz666,2019/06/12,"Anyone else struggle with going home. Despise going home for the holidays, feel isolated invalidated and infantilised. Only second night at home but already crying at night , getting self harm urges .",8.50215053763441,12.25254674193549,7.852903225806456,57.16602150537637,65.45161290322581,9.29462365591398,36.13978494623656,9.725611199111238,4.9033784946236585,163,8,17,4,3,51,26,31,0.342,0.614,0.044000000000000004,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362441805649648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969071291929462,0.21935172316113025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351583974576549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883756374549398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824600301736187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118487108580311,0.0,0.2433348194155818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6442233857815722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018018380112581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281857376513595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233336200528324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380439183381295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dirtfarmer97,2019/06/12,"Minuscule things leading to urges I think part of this is just the state of mind I've been in but I have been getting urges over super small things. Like my FP taking a while to respond even tho I know that she's busy and almost never has service where she is. Or posting about a male friend on her snap story gets me super jealous and I start to convince myself that abusing again would make it better. (you can see my last post for more information on the urges and that mentality)

​

Does anyone relate?",4.1781000000000015,5.998401210000001,4.271000000000001,86.70550000000001,71.9,6.2,24.5,6.6274283507984215,0.8012999999999995,411,12,78,3,8,127,78,100,0.069,0.72,0.21100000000000002,0.9559,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,4,6,7,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,1,15,16,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,12,6,11,13,2,15,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,2,6,56,19,2,0.0,0.2408537118080307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035556850642188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025393443567248,0.24700760639825894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213819243302905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978475438440222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789181044037114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426460777627486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705372311753169,0.0,0.212410954257348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171744245767576,0.16570043626674175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931240277027488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569106435327136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485855765751,0.0,0.20525498126056627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678216701803668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22013256979697773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893723428103243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198794374716838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438827213178718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284135820186648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701005696056679,0.13025369833107467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444043709833978,0.0,0.24700760639825894,0.0
bpd,InadLeWolf,2019/06/12,"What if I don’t have BPD and I’m just weird and broken I feel this a lot. What if it’s not BPD, what if I’m just an alcoholic mood swingy weirdo who fakes it without realising. If I don’t have borderline I don’t know who I am or what I have. Idk I’m just confused right now. I don’t feel stable ffs. 

Do you guys ever feel this way?  What helps you?",-1.6514999999999986,0.19828685000000235,1.1000000000000014,101.425,93.0,4.7,14.25,6.2581,-0.94415,268,5,72,3,10,92,43,80,0.23399999999999999,0.705,0.061,-0.9092,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,0,1,19,16,7,0,4,10,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,16,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,7,2,46,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27277767094043565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6429404917849315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308823535915779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871763398335876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527311887163813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108433395061226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027514929230694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169988912896402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797654953508702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260040519616815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24604562015332865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisanxiousmum,2019/06/12,"Recovering from an ""episode""  So I had/am still having an episode. I self harmed, lashed out, am talking/thinking about suicide etc. All that happens when I call the mental health crisis line is they tell me to take prn. Which I've already done and all it does is sedate me then I'm angry and tired and start to dissociate.

I'm worried my husband is going to leave me because I'm a crazy fuck who is abusive. I can't just move on with my day. I feel like I'm stuck in this episode.

What helps you when you're like this?",2.27611111111111,3.8374736481481513,3.184444444444445,93.605,76.4074074074074,5.540740740740741,24.962962962962962,5.82211442006289,0.4157518518518515,406,14,91,2,9,129,77,108,0.278,0.6579999999999999,0.063,-0.9771,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,0,6,4,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,2,9,19,7,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,12,2,9,17,3,11,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,8,52,19,0,0.0,0.2441518206658996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739644680725535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256145353447166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104141045391592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289405666691465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032775610777013,0.21087473648512667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22981552605443345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419201187674006,0.14721196771870207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905025951143294,0.0,0.0,0.11711076477579578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222147322100626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190361057916278,0.0,0.0,0.1381201725490353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819173360470967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134465663035944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076637700769017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901313065748332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496940805553616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585296655142246,0.0,0.1645627585392112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22540027180563665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493427773194235,0.0,0.18010877999557628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320373157518363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23683994094975536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926771730632465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FluffySpace67,2019/08/05,"I need perspective on an argument my partner and I am having. Who’s in the wrong? Am I crazy? So we were talking about celebrity crushes and I asked him “would you choose to have sex with your favourite celebrity (Kendal Jenner) KNOWING that you would lose me forever? Would you choose an hour with them over our whole relationship?” 
And he said “yes. Just being honest I would. But it would never happen so doesn’t matter”

I flipped out. I’m so hurt. I would never choose anyone over them no matter how famous or hot they are. I can’t believe this. Im questioning being with him now. He said his mates didn’t think it was a big deal. 
Am I over reacting? I need some perspective please.",1.2025207296849096,3.8319482238806017,2.1073631840796025,93.21321724709786,89.1492537313433,5.067330016583749,19.38474295190713,6.691623216298621,0.2936663349917086,538,16,108,7,18,168,90,134,0.16399999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.08,-0.9094,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,4,3,1,7,4,0,0,4,1,19,1,0,2,2,32,28,9,0,8,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,2,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,3,24,1,11,15,2,11,0,2,0,1,24,7,0,3,4,79,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689327995830183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291685389949502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223700966633054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760671257185765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351862574508023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055041229397476,0.0,0.16365512277406655,0.0,0.16513050036974744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401572897784265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102726179826033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670874436160698,0.2358122019797673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781009749081993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125422678854196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412980945906705,0.0,0.0,0.2908369748481359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287458868494427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795569229479224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706787202752162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6515851900397721,0.16714407172905044,0.0,0.0
bpd,covertsocialops,2019/08/05,Healthcare is frustrating First post. I just came from a therapy appointment. My therapist agrees I have bpd tendencies and prescribed Lexapro. I'm excited to begin because I just want some relief from feeling so bad and unable to function. I really just want to be able to live again. But I've run into an issue that is giving me a ton of anxiety rn. Rather than just writing a prescription herself my therapist instead is making me go through my primary care doctor for the medicine. Is this normal? I feel as though my primary care doctor has it out for me. And I am aware that paranoia is a part of this disorder. But I missed a ton of appointments there that I've since paid late fees on. Also called them out once for being unprofessional and announcing my health issue in front of everyone in the waiting room when I walked in for my appointment recently. So I called them this morning about the Lexapro and they haven't gotten back to me all day. So I just feel really discouraged and like I'm never going to get better because I have to rely on other people to do it. And I really feel like everyone is against me except for my FP. I don't know why I'm writing this and tbh feels like an out of body experience because I never express anything publicly. Maybe the therapy is working.,4.353795180722891,6.239438305220883,5.47272891566265,78.00065963855423,71.570281124498,8.996064257028113,30.522289156626506,9.516144504307137,3.0770014457831336,1034,45,184,25,20,342,136,249,0.08900000000000001,0.789,0.12300000000000001,0.6890000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,3,17,12,1,0,11,0,16,4,1,1,3,40,40,17,0,4,9,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,10,13,0,2,6,0,2,6,4,4,0,1,3,5,30,8,35,35,5,27,0,2,0,0,11,10,0,1,13,136,40,3,0.11103513574684984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879475794086619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494157492980887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137245591295398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853791655994276,0.09270970040790104,0.20305796448122948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820155439349124,0.0,0.1233350047351947,0.13984486650396286,0.0,0.2267585761398877,0.12699461519672028,0.2264154419955831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160847684912408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725588519891873,0.22729833279691244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219766102464385,0.0,0.10861366873251906,0.0,0.0,0.2807135043307284,0.15864704632683738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444642974394507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058011275621505175,0.10651501983957533,0.12620765290128436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802515706187315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178366777157536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102200678680561,0.0,0.1252524694725382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273847617369905,0.0,0.09804605912245708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741168153129816,0.0,0.11154971799431368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127428357392366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087908580403658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182487957755848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024023171884925,0.0,0.07697778249945397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634096709906164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339585352972884,0.0,0.10963380117142812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184941169522716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539567090691125,0.2578407012688654,0.0,0.0,0.1090914571151034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309827997693219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019193960095654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083490124579093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OneHundredSunflowers,2019/08/05,"My (ex?) girlfriend with BPD has ignored me for weeks out of nowhere. Help? (long) Hello,

Our relationship has been a struggle ever since the first few months was over. It is a long distance relationship, and she has been the subject of abuse from multiple partners in her past. She self-describes herself as ""broken beyond repair"", but I don't care. I love her anyway. One day everything was fine, we had known each other for a couple of months and talked for hours every day. Then all of a sudden she wanted a break in the relationship. I think it may have been triggered by something I said that reminded her of something said by an ex that abandoned her.

We started talking again after that, but nothing was ever the same. Her interest was gone it seemed. There were many activities we would do together she no longer felt like doing. She said she almost loved me, but doesn't feel nearly as strongly anymore. This broke my heart, but I promised her when we first met I would not abandon her. She is convinced she can never love again, and was - and still am - determined to change that.

Unsurprisingly the relationship has been filled with ups and downs. She gets incredibly angry over very small things (e.g. video-game related) and always seems to blame me. I get berated, insulted, told that she hates me, and told to fuck off. But I don't. Because I am aware of this sickness and what it does to people. And of course there is a double standard. For instance, she can hang up on me in anger, but if I hang up because I'm upset by what she is saying I get blocked and told she wants to break up. At first this shocked me. But as I read about BPD these types of things started to make sense. She's ""broken up"" with me multiple times, and each time she blocks me on multiple platforms - but not all of them (whether this is intentional by her or not I have no idea).

Around two weeks ago she said we would talk the next day, and then I didn't hear from her for days. When I finally did, she merely said ""I'm sorry"" and didn't elaborate. I asked her to explain what was going on, but was met with more days of ignoring until finally my constant pestering prompted an angry response. She told me there is no problem at all in her opinion. Would not explain why I was being ignored, or even acknowledge it. She would say ""I don't know what you are talking about."" I asked what I did wrong, if I did something wrong, what she was thinking, going through etc. She refused to answer questions. Finally she said if I contacted her again asking about it she would block me.

This is very strange to me. Is it a break up? It doesn't fit her previous pattern. Plus she is more than willing to tell me if she wants one, as she has in the past. She doesn't seem angry with me about something, only me asking if she is angry. Moreover, she hasn't blocked me or removed me from anything. I don't understand what is happening or why. It is eating me up inside. I have never been this depressed in my life, and I feel as though my heart is breaking. It's this limbo where I don't know what she is doing or thinking, or where the relationship stands. And it hurts. I don't know why she is doing this to me. I tell her how much it hurts and she doesn't care. She says I am being dramatic and that it is none of my business. I'm not. I love this girl with all my heart, and I care for her so much.

Can anyone shed light on what may be happening? What she is thinking? Why this new pattern of behavior has emerged? I am struggling so badly here. I fear she thinks I will abandon her or something, even though I constantly tell her I won't. I also fear maybe she found someone else and this is the response. But I don't think she's that kind of person. Please help me get grounded in some way, because imagination runs wild when left in limbo like this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.",3.0914389140271514,4.951007473202616,3.746143790849676,89.16687782805435,74.92156862745098,6.59004524886878,25.233283056812468,7.38057380780613,1.0952206133735551,3027,103,621,36,65,956,296,765,0.203,0.742,0.054000000000000006,-0.9991,0,0,5,0,1,0,112.0,6,2,1,4,30,40,4,5,19,0,86,11,3,4,8,128,151,60,0,15,28,2,3,2,2,11,2,10,0,3,47,35,1,11,25,2,0,8,26,24,0,6,36,14,128,16,88,101,16,96,0,7,0,5,115,36,1,21,48,468,175,3,0.0,0.060618412609816624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535188292629043,0.0,0.051231190973430034,0.0,0.0,0.04091410378649999,0.04257074814464668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050738796223565405,0.03577354707070611,0.0,0.042101833837304176,0.04554488322949102,0.19131765073221485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042717998139375095,0.09356334569877657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887308924165886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564887124109748,0.0,0.05412244134482326,0.0,0.0,0.11057554374508267,0.0,0.0,0.056609601217402265,0.0,0.16497576668598918,0.0,0.04406561655590551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044772069669312665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523513333810343,0.04273915114633138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057058973979854676,0.06758382365777643,0.09255762403804164,0.04310605555175935,0.0,0.04598096153448599,0.0,0.0,0.1151425843633509,0.05173792560190632,0.0,0.04912338823446299,0.16813588000921798,0.0,0.13055470114738804,0.0,0.05609631521254596,0.0,0.04729829530816252,0.10691979601526312,0.0,0.05815290372087638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048448969131433,0.0,0.0,0.05051172347815682,0.0,0.0,0.05766311035011035,0.18188107497063585,0.06858540383996313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050384105182417836,0.0,0.10953961259686404,0.057755488257612286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327718183098098,0.08435162537180009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558748725808458,0.0,0.0361371195875763,0.049990180040896434,0.0,0.0,0.09055323425605004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470222705188208,0.0,0.034150924495561494,0.05187007409920706,0.05139894341976325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167378280112017,0.0,0.07521967614919485,0.0,0.07891832780003391,0.049412422459842585,0.054411195692827034,0.0,0.0,0.0490911639099374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933717173058906,0.03891088364120922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767952791515908,0.03546917695901272,0.044672543998457735,0.0,0.056160335091873036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048954969913984014,0.0,0.0,0.05731296808805127,0.0,0.10235136729600806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746433389769864,0.0,0.0,0.2919997462990238,0.1220578424496704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972744887458635,0.053372955566980816,0.0,0.0,0.04232160152213183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04334925975824993,0.19693441420029226,0.0,0.057271489550572235,0.0724252252771734,0.0,0.04085791033682347,0.0,0.0,0.10697092411089294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038467335403616576,0.16448779133091307,0.13415310576810402,0.04710294710670503,0.0,0.0,0.06797930433205371,0.19669464182509813,0.10053249318164227,0.0,0.08949863843467898,0.0,0.0,0.1955493168233334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997768213586494,0.05326127822669003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442774977340628,0.0905297337638551,0.04060988603588515,0.08207788166511182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846624062260172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806341311217708,0.11187487782059176,0.0,0.0
bpd,mattthompson1571,2019/08/05,"So long! Just a quick note to thank everyone here once again. I posted a couple of times to get advice on ways to help my now (unfortunately) ex-partner (her BPD had no link to the end of the relationship), and received nothing but support and thoughtful, knowledgeable answers. You all made a big difference and I’m grateful. 

All the best guys.",4.987499999999997,6.877056500000003,5.442625000000002,78.83987500000002,69.9375,8.245000000000001,31.55,8.841846274778883,2.70516,272,12,49,5,5,87,52,64,0.062,0.703,0.235,0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,12,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,7,4,3,11,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,32,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478966599313305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140982399898425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897237702823912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545317598173425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403398879560115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374465924504792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981037965173533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018493000225484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277729705888672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418907006716787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357566187252288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766673795497266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220726874465896,0.0,0.0,0.24498208479096445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203120264163776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697383796596606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610434612100195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117873251501948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262382230647667,0.13413652720940475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825928029240037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,74926,2019/08/05,"Anyone else overly paranoid The past few months I’ve had some issues at work at that’s making me supremely paranoid. I’m now convinced that they’re going to fire me, I’m convinced that my friends don’t want to know me. Basically I’m in this weird pattern where I’m convinced that everyone is against me and it’s just better for me to end my life. I won’t do it, but the thought keeps entering my mind and I don’t know what to do. 
I go through phases where if the way my friends talk to me is different to what I’m used to I convince myself that they don’t want to know me. 
I’m just rambling away but I feel like I’m going crazy and I’m about to hit the f*** it button and go into full on self destructive mode.",-0.07728315412186504,2.0445209741935457,1.9283333333333343,96.57472222222223,87.64516129032258,4.734767025089607,20.869175627240146,6.139981653823899,0.036261648745519626,561,19,130,5,18,186,82,155,0.094,0.7490000000000001,0.156,0.7692,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,2,6,11,1,0,4,0,9,1,0,2,0,22,32,7,0,3,5,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,5,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,2,2,18,9,20,28,3,20,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,2,5,77,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979081732895126,0.1901910871848569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439744048988665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416706738289746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393488319625699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506288342791508,0.0,0.16440548852956735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736922766181196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385577054329476,0.13260798418768094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868213073355861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42197173733241305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374054331584667,0.0,0.16498885267148286,0.0,0.0,0.30603804477069824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110990302178624,0.0906852528923868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239037435694447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742472605453656,0.0,0.14816125170859934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719665510603175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364363037885093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491954714140945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736267853442125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031731448013606,0.0,0.0,0.2189686532818878,0.14733764839744368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513460923982254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway4toughstuff,2019/08/05,"How to help bf/FP with toxic family  I can never say or do the right thing especially when someone I love and care for is hurting and reveals that to me. 

Bf has toxic family and has been really getting affected. He is in dark place in his thoughts and is clearly hurting. He is my love and knowing I can’t help because I don’t know how is taking a toll on me. He helps me through all my ups and downs and I just want to learn how to help. I listen to him as he tries to complain but that’s all I do. 

Can someone pls give me some advice on how I can help or relief him of his dark thoughts?? I myself am no stranger to the darkness of self, so knowing my FP is going through it I can’t help but feel like garbage now.",1.8931720430107544,2.9622279032258088,3.683629032258065,91.65877688172043,76.41935483870971,6.456989247311827,25.81989247311828,6.816661863887847,0.8609247311827959,555,20,129,5,12,187,85,155,0.07400000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.207,0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,18,2,0,5,4,32,33,18,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,3,22,5,20,30,3,12,0,2,0,2,22,8,0,3,4,91,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264187500778186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898300542502048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882789666640064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752182922307946,0.0,0.07380768740360362,0.1042822256691345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626419874534783,0.14002937455487846,0.08295909218447976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5870506002911794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125314898424644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066671885269045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131440889412853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634903521623301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258238904857458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250937851499352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351322141352417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465905098681974,0.0,0.11608257032440998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522803388216631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473627286901999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097525667559851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697712433738913,0.0,0.0,0.2317704803714561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910521579242856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609790223373888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Confusedandlonely33,2019/08/05,"New to this Hi! I’m a BPD with really deep depression. I think it’s nice to know there’s other people out there like me who go through the same things and understand. Good to know that it’s not just me that feels these things. The anger and sadness take me over and I feel like a fool. I call myself a moron and idiot all the time just cause I can’t handle things like people and being too talkative, even doing this is hard. People just don’t get it until they live it and see that BPD isn’t something that’s made up or just here for a moment then gone the next.",3.497,3.982159366666668,4.223333333333336,91.50000000000004,72.0,7.333333333333332,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.1469999999999998,444,6,102,4,8,142,76,120,0.171,0.725,0.10400000000000001,-0.858,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,3,0,8,0,6,0,0,2,1,24,19,9,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,4,9,5,10,16,2,12,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,1,9,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4405848482618301,0.0,0.17860218139975484,0.0,0.0,0.1796802635405152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506493178528675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155260918568496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687902288082324,0.1249553998307054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138300785053056,0.0,0.09940511402579512,0.1467058113045891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156684578946577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225140166325136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25635587713660857,0.0,0.15444831534060666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550362198459867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892870947553745,0.18601826447347736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637807250625073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205152072854846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938024606023075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465389789060872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151019527481594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34860634978556443,0.1120749612821578,0.0,0.0,0.10199115079394698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182086984364396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GroundbreakingBrick4,2019/08/05,"Need Advice Already posted on a few over sub-reddits, figured I should post here too.

So   a couple of weeks ago, I   attempted suicide, and was admitted to a   mental hospital, but later   discharged. I've had to go to therapy   recently, and will be fully   assessed next week for a Psychiatric   Disorder. I've already been   diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder,   but SSRIs don't work, and   therapy doesn't begin to scratch the  surface.

The  suicide attempt was  one involving a combination of Opiates with    Benzodiazepines. No  diagnosis was made around this time because the Docs  had to be sure  they were talking to someone undrugged, and I'm very    proud to say  I've been completely sober ever since.

I     used to abuse drugs a lot in the past, mainly psychedelics. At this     moment in time, I am the most depressed I have ever been, can't  sleep,    can't eat, and can't concentrate. It's been like this for the  past  three   weeks, since the suicide attempt (although, I've always  been   depressed,  it's never been this bad). I \*heavily\* suspect that I  have   Borderline  Personality Disorder, and so do my family and  friends. I   match every  single symptom, and have never come across  anything which   describes me  so well before. However, because I am  only 17, I cannot be   diagnosed  with BPD (only a few months until I'm  18, so I'm not sure   how this makes  sense). I do remember having a  period, last December,   which lasted for  about 6 days, wherein I  thought I was almighty,   powerful, I started to  believe that I was the  Antichrist, I was the   most happy I've ever been, I  didn't need nor  want sleep, according to   friends, was talking \*way\*  more than I  usually do, was doing way more   activity etc. I only  remembered this a  couple of days ago, after coming   off the phone with my  friend who  was enquiring to see how I was  doing.  She reminded me of it,  and told  me it was then that she thought  I  needed some medical help.  But  until this suicide attempt, I have  not  pursued any. After looking   online, it would appear that this  episode  constitutes as a ""Hypomanic""   episode, and given that I almost  always  feel depressed, could it be  that  I have Bipolar II (perhaps in   conjunction with BPD?). I often  get very  angry, very quickly, and it's   out of my control. Especially  when it  comes to over people. I would   list all of my symptoms, but  let's just  say it's like reading the DSM   description of Borderline  Personality  Disorder. I also experience   auditory hallucinations (NOT  psychotic  though, they have been   identified as Pseudo-hallucinations  caused by  stress).

In   my  history of drug  use, I only ever found one drug that worked for  me,   properly. I came  across this drug whilst looking for a sleep aid,  and   acquired it  \*without\* prescription. The drug was Seroquel   (Quetiapine).  This drug  was absolutely astonishing. I took 200mg at   night, for  sleep, but  noticed that within a couple days of use - I was   wayyyy less  irritable,  way less depressed, way less likely to get   angry and just  more normal in  general. Unfortunately, I was only able   to use it for  about 8 days. But  those 8 days, I felt like an actual   person, someone  who was normal.  SSRIs have never worked for me, ever   before.

Anyway,  my therapist is   \*very\* dismissive of me coming up with conclusions   about my own mental   health. She was very dismissive of my suspicion of   having BPD,   although, every consultant I've met with has basically   agreed with me.   When I was being assessed for psychosis, the assessor   remarked that   it was very possible that I had Emerging Borderline   Personality   Disorder. Anyway, given that I have a history of drug abuse,   most of   the time, if I bring up a medication, it gets instantly   dismissed as   me 'looking for a fix'. I've got to make it clear, I didn't   find   Seroquel recreational at all. It made me really sleepy too, but,   for   once, I actually felt 'fixed', or at least 'managed'. So my  question    is this: Do I bring up this with my therapist tomorrow (have  never told    them about using Seroquel before), or should I wait for my  actual    psychiatric assessment? If the latter, how should I approach the  topic    with my Psychiatrist. Docs in my area are pretty cautious about   giving   out meds to people under 18, but I've read everywhere that   Seroquel  is  often used for Bipolar disorder, and as an add-on  treatment  for   Treatment Resistant Depression.

I've    tried, prescribed, two anti-depressants (which made things worse   even   after the common 3 week period), these being Fluoxetine and   Citalopram.  And illegally, have pretty much  tried a drug from every   class. LSD,  shrooms, many psychedelic research  chemicals, DMT,   Amphetamine,  Methylphenidate, MDMA, Codeine,  Dihydrocodeine, Tramadol,   Benzos  (etizolam, alprazolam, valium). Pretty  much every common drug   apart  from heroin, meth, all the really bad ones.  But, even   psychedelics  didn't help me with my depression.

What    shoud I do ? I really think Seroquel XR  could be the answer, but   don't know how to bring it up with my  Psychiatrist without coming   across as suspcious.  Thank you <3",7.493225534308213,8.533506608548931,7.737133014623172,67.86630694600677,63.341957255343075,10.984420697412824,36.00998312710911,10.876741818643913,4.337455230596174,3961,179,624,103,56,1291,388,889,0.136,0.78,0.085,-0.9956,2,0,12,0,2,4,177.0,0,1,3,12,37,23,0,1,37,0,83,23,4,17,15,131,140,54,4,15,21,0,4,4,3,6,18,2,0,4,49,37,1,2,17,2,0,13,21,10,1,5,50,10,76,13,104,74,24,99,0,7,4,0,31,29,0,14,55,450,125,9,0.03880474187573173,0.0919545474487858,0.11360349125820787,0.0,0.0,0.03791954465175987,0.06879612465737855,0.0,0.03885734365519482,0.0,0.08564399520180829,0.031032138058255575,0.06457730764733507,0.0,0.0,0.02638855514679641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031932996185439,0.034544447352432166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480067718217003,0.04731002094970744,0.0,0.09905993169587804,0.043719655758363916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661964190428972,0.0,0.0,0.04438228700464682,0.0,0.039863159164478995,0.0,0.1671342455963902,0.040686033565595095,0.0,0.04352281764780862,0.06196485763437474,0.128810126422532,0.0,0.12512924136823994,0.0,0.2673797385313797,0.07877199234093656,0.0,0.0,0.26684157644857337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40501062797102505,0.03970693855330308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04327754476170416,0.05126033206536794,0.17550555319999178,0.13077867466039025,0.0,0.0,0.03795848360064001,0.03658165710685367,0.0,0.019620843444405053,0.0,0.07451727519370155,0.0,0.03546683106724555,0.0,0.0,0.04254739654860872,0.0899413419415985,0.0,0.060821628070238214,0.03722504433359447,0.0220536290636058,0.0,0.031035696958655882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413083692979596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124762602236582,0.0,0.0,0.052020001020900236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02132607130323001,0.06326208765725394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968047766963488,0.0,0.07583214710903763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775862985491304,0.0,0.0,0.032990403872045784,0.0,0.11015395506667074,0.051804933051619734,0.03934191761691861,0.0,0.0,0.04310332032108282,0.07818338994780237,0.07821210567608629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030973574746376683,0.0,0.057051900418977036,0.08631967322326843,0.1197144366840754,0.0,0.04126928321503905,0.03641562154506808,0.07604081602278835,0.0,0.044179455821618,0.0,0.04132578364788345,0.07888529210882718,0.14756377402566315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408703393690423,0.053804644087937316,0.1355312153488798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04374651594528135,0.074328432191102,0.11843511913243578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347019178319754,0.0,0.07763048597997055,0.0,0.07457793389339389,0.0,0.038315001163343576,0.0,0.08791641602572785,0.0,0.0,0.06171817649575032,0.0,0.0,0.030922355208091064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641993669534866,0.0,0.1553310647849285,0.0,0.06575826373032094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02746619602655325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044450700711113525,0.0,0.0,0.1697843573903399,0.0,0.07314601996524124,0.08066596975836114,0.0,0.0623795632444316,0.0,0.03572619273768095,0.08875320840337513,0.09011059238588663,0.02578014623202533,0.024864511727166333,0.03812546187047056,0.06161326103520301,0.067882071141621,0.0,0.0,0.07415918760588301,0.043113496035559765,0.0526917450469334,0.0,0.037906594263064704,0.0,0.0,0.20108902695915865,0.042737940883480326,0.1921078560528572,0.0228880421545006,0.12320559155558795,0.12450729306705913,0.0,0.03489012320843442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481277283552465,0.0,0.08475094274333364,0.0,0.039545347153215706,0.05513155053216905,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,keavyseancy,2019/08/05,"Seroquel and gaining weight My psychiatrist thinks i should try seroquel, and i want too but im afraid of gaining weight since im already struggling with my weight and i gained alot of stretch marks lately which made me feel really ugly does everyone on seroquel gains weight or is it something that might happen but doesnt have to?",5.433225806451612,7.608600387096777,4.4718064516129035,85.08770967741938,69.3225806451613,6.895483870967742,30.14193548387097,7.554174236665415,1.9040864516129041,272,11,48,3,5,80,45,62,0.121,0.6920000000000001,0.187,0.39399999999999996,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,1,0,14,10,6,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,5,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531707852796136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902827340619772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180716507251285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032948352822677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048828281493034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432138868961397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921236470885746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032670646345006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685360437478612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177623826813398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141896791606208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230594557165995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608549698112673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179752928992264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786235254907277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370568652937264,0.0,0.0,0.7738438069408186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theonethatgotaway_,2019/08/05,"Poem from 6/23/17 six sided shapes and white picket fence gates. circled with banana peel tape.

Watching from above 
they zip up his body bag on the front lawn. 
a predicted fate of a serial killer.

he robbed their restaurant and knocked out all its light bulbs. 

No one dares to hear footsteps and motorcycles upstairs. 
without a care in the world they race across these walls. 
once bearing fruits,
now only hooks remain.",4.644594594594594,7.777730418918921,3.006689189189192,89.98138513513516,75.8918918918919,5.321621621621622,24.114864864864863,6.6274283507984215,0.8210594594594598,337,11,58,3,8,94,67,74,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.8453,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,11,2,1,11,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,0,1,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309143301896393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955310933079999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372370261521711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131438656589851,0.2628784554389471,0.2950461559381165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37396070251554897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thelilmeepkin,2019/08/05,"Does Anyone else have a huge problem with getting banned/muted from online communities It seems like every discord or subreddit I join I inevitably get in a fight with someone and end up taking it way too far and getting banned, does anyone else experience this?",5.890531914893613,8.453217148936176,5.813776595744681,74.30875,69.0,7.253191489361702,30.89893617021277,8.07648339933343,2.5819404255319154,214,9,32,3,4,67,37,47,0.20800000000000002,0.66,0.132,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065277657329135,0.4491754518297786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836321418127093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662129585392456,0.0,0.19413872302488114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467840037953,0.0,0.0,0.21441147191322668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435557367333483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708595772062764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973678567009552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995438260121511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572035523356015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648048256392325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398411190040286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,that_there_girl,2019/08/05,"i didn’t self harm last night :) i have always (since around grade 3) been a VERY heavy self harmer. over the past ~20 years i have continued to self harm pretty regularly. longest i have gone without relapsing was 1.5 months. well, i’m currently going through a very rough break up, while also dealing with “i want to be with you, but not right now” from my FP. which is understandable, i don’t feel that i’m stable enough for a relationship either. BUT, that means i get to hear all about them going on dates & debating wanting to be with other people (??but not me??). 
i’ve been stuck in my house (besides work) for over a week now & i’m having a hard time. i really lost it last night & was ready to self harm, as usual. but instead, i got out my piercing kit (i was employed as a piercer, i’m not just some dumb kid stabbing myself) & pierced my philtrum. i had it done years back & absolutely loved it, & i’m so glad i did it again! i inflicted the pain on myself that my brain demands, but i did it safely & now i have a new pretty sparkley piercing i love :) i know it’s not much, but i had no one else to tell & i’m very proud of myself for trying to improve :)",1.561489399928135,3.521662202479341,2.8977757815307217,93.02733560905494,79.86776859504133,5.8615882141573845,21.265540783327342,6.895973343053719,0.3342761049227452,911,26,203,10,23,295,139,242,0.08900000000000001,0.691,0.22,0.9903,2,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,1,1,3,12,12,1,0,9,0,20,4,1,0,1,27,42,11,0,2,13,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,11,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,8,6,1,1,15,4,29,6,28,25,5,34,0,1,0,2,13,9,1,1,21,125,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606416929601891,0.0687391596590245,0.7160738493906476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354150764102324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352293515198015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222145177644184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516854876429343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453996839182422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901108066874062,0.0,0.0,0.08535948204069019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041770719136673115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316095704984527,0.0,0.0938997294556092,0.0,0.06607174582194543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400343391352966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310885811365813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532226567642067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045400970514848114,0.1346783538137993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017991425389756,0.0,0.1491197175059899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998784575460228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593949414333558,0.0,0.06072875805178705,0.0,0.0,0.07978643891964134,0.0,0.1550500827404715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597950618226935,0.0,0.08790417126438713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886176491383325,0.05727222386779604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680906365796448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052922868127136716,0.0,0.0,0.08869354263204639,0.0,0.07054953745049093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344726111152836,0.0,0.0,0.06833686159732813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220585463062326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817127146965846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608760116284032,0.0,0.0,0.08600120193397548,0.0,0.0,0.09098459656853587,0.20448874488676816,0.09745248547881358,0.0,0.06626574418051569,0.0,0.07427741530647666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796342759372948,0.0,0.060141957980056934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639784481181724
bpd,mementoreimori,2019/08/05,"Any positive experiences with mood stabilizers? I’ve gotten to the point where I seriously need to be on mood stabilizers but I’m worried about the side effects. Before I was diagnosed with bpd, I was on Zoloft and Xanax for my anxiety and depression and gained over 20 pounds. 

I’ve been off medications for about 2 years now and I’m scared about starting up again, especially since I know now that I’ll be on mood stabilizers.

Does anyone have some positive experiences concerning mood stabilizers? What should I expect or be conscious of?",5.8419387755102035,8.183238857142861,6.646683673469387,69.2277806122449,68.59183673469387,11.022448979591838,31.637755102040817,10.9516,4.146975510204081,440,19,75,15,8,145,64,98,0.149,0.7509999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.6174,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,1,2,0,8,4,0,1,0,15,14,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,6,0,16,6,1,14,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,2,5,45,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687700244378045,0.0,0.18772648925211105,0.0,0.0,0.1715858768556314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881305515130508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30906638887273746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135833807547094,0.24907074080514344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474680209000585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800867592294234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486266425683388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720962710545324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195726947147697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319775762843003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456831860871239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299326462530398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369183102095373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492105155756008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802632256301696
bpd,Flamingo_Owl,2019/08/05,"Testing people So, what I do sometimes is I test people. I test people to see if they care about me. If they will come to my aide when I'm in trouble. If I went missing would they look for me. Do they worry about me. I break rules to see how teachers would react.  I realize that I am pushing people away because people don't want to be tested. But i still do it. What should I do?",0.04925925925925867,2.108220345679012,2.1965432098765447,95.34444444444449,86.28395061728395,4.093827160493827,18.876543209876548,5.033348758259628,-0.4743975308641972,292,8,65,1,9,98,49,81,0.11699999999999999,0.8420000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.5889,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,2,0,12,21,7,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,3,17,1,9,15,0,8,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,3,2,50,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110648023589866,0.0,0.0,0.12399431072109696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073858078301331,0.0,0.0,0.1752161184003288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708096746040967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7050799834108917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241762352188419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117357456543888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244016474236828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997403314277172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885592493897245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656850174518027,0.0,0.28898734221608496,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Oof____throwaway,2019/08/05,"I want to start smoking (sorry if this isnt the right sub... I have bpd and idk where to post this so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯)

I think i want to start smoking. But I hate cigarettes. I'm so in love with the act of smoking, the dim glow in the dark, the hazy smoke rising in the air, leaning against building in an alley and taking a drag. It's just such a sexy image to me.

But I don't want the nicotine. Or the smell. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke, or at least seriously irritated by it. And the real kicker is, my fp hates smokers.

Has anyone had any experience with those herbal tea cigarettes or the cocoa ones? I know virtually anything I smoke is going to be bad for me but does anyone know of any... I hesitate to say healthier, but maybe less cancer-y alternatives? Like placebo cigarettes or something.

Thanks.",1.6193081761006312,4.110235238993712,3.4399056603773595,86.1333176100629,83.40251572327044,6.552201257861638,23.927672955974842,7.793537801064563,1.4492918238993715,629,24,125,12,18,210,101,159,0.10800000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.095,0.1664,0,0,9,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,13,0,8,3,0,0,0,22,24,14,0,4,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,1,3,12,3,19,22,2,14,0,0,1,1,2,8,0,5,3,77,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533488950079138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26049780175661563,0.0,0.15328973588868608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553314560555212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346088045636289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301187167571232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822142179232887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586526096441548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678190732104599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474545004368014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100531731122743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681218668065982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871398403266684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262258169433105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840145148655898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202350474943826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907916319707507,0.0,0.14813459594622785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340479541491094,0.0,0.20852135660133986,0.26369501379247706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400567896198665,0.0,0.0,0.1714984280605838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935849719596447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296122214619189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JayCee____,2019/08/05,"Has your partner who suffers from BPD ever gone MIA on you? Hello all,

My partner suffers from BPD. We used to live close but then he had to move away. We've been together 1 year and 4 months, out of which a year is long distance. Have any of you had your partner withdraw for 2 to 3 weeks without explanation? Mine tends to do it. He's done this for the second time but it still makes me very anxious. I keep thinking he's not coming back. If you have experienced this before, how do you deal with this? Other than that, he's a great boyfriend and is very supportive, I assure you. I just don't know what to do or think during times like these.",2.517954545454547,4.139385189393941,3.3930303030303044,92.10954545454544,75.89393939393939,6.012121212121213,23.363636363636363,6.574015621080383,0.4666272727272727,503,15,110,4,11,160,94,132,0.067,0.8140000000000001,0.12,0.8804,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,7,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,3,3,24,23,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,11,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,5,1,14,4,17,18,1,18,0,2,0,0,18,4,0,2,12,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039865512773093,0.0,0.0,0.2000137520821264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634234654670102,0.13613892003717387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065473759213513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459713084551365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251110402712734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825286287883826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811814893204128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014997755792415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951959540712309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573683239291228,0.0,0.0,0.09730090525167312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864966694518398,0.0,0.156336554815449,0.15668183560917062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818085972687972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131795860807966,0.1881739171541194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139069561285597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091187865948756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689031329719864,0.0,0.0,0.20647612894481945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291255541240412,0.0,0.2921661477809718,0.0,0.0,0.1420171600479615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066787449458196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280261082443401
bpd,Bunbuncrazypants,2019/08/05,"Abandonment Issues When I was diagnosed with BPD I was super angry. The abandonment issues was a big trigger for me. I don’t have abandonment issues! Sure, I never end relationships no matter how toxic but it’s not cause I’m afraid! I don’t feel a fear of being alone... I mostly just stay static. I don’t like changes. I’m afraid of things being different because it could be worse. Is that... the same thing and I’m being dumb? It’s not person centered I just hate change and I don’t have the energy to make changes.

I picture abandonment issues as begging someone to stay. I’ve never done that. I just... don’t vehemently object when they don’t leave or if they come back.",0.9916252072968454,3.5686713134328407,2.899900497512437,87.53112769485905,89.59701492537312,5.664344941956882,19.38474295190713,7.1686216300943375,0.7288902155887236,532,16,102,9,18,177,78,134,0.239,0.6709999999999999,0.09,-0.9741,1,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,7,12,2,3,5,0,18,1,0,4,3,28,25,9,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,4,1,14,3,7,16,2,11,0,4,0,0,4,2,1,3,7,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395734479499611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362414819179123,0.0,0.08215005169468602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697288216478548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843834859243273,0.4276829979734448,0.11608607766453093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759699860055176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678123816052476,0.0,0.14079827118772856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379089645622375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193596952607636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164543102426764,0.06814003760280238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330502024247042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626287155413395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269417265916728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583821651388426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995510555267734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787450448714773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766953516031944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144684636869643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418394362034348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872780771119051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270121889777405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790606136411396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733463852719194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Polypyr,2019/08/05,"On my way in It's a little disheartening to be waiting to be on assistance without a diagnosis but when looking at myself and recognizing all 9. I try to remind myself those close to me can't see how I feel inside, just that raging outwardly screaming, ""leave me alone! let me calm down"" at loved ones for months, to see that there actually could be something wrong with my processing, and being told I'm being manipulative with my yelling but all I want is time, I don't recognize the words and I know when I calm down I wasn't being rational. Isolating to prevent outbursts is hard when you don't know when your friends are ever coming by.",8.278826666666667,6.862876256,8.677400000000002,69.95636666666668,62.44,11.853333333333332,36.83333333333333,10.864195022040775,3.874973333333333,512,20,96,11,6,171,83,125,0.146,0.721,0.134,-0.152,0,1,1,0,1,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,8,8,1,0,3,0,15,1,0,2,3,24,27,10,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,7,17,4,18,17,2,19,0,1,3,1,5,10,0,0,7,73,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.21385483529186372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696911353156515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877483165939332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497020923191353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823005837250585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080677706163868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931161757284507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963117268012949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408737662265437,0.0,0.0,0.23204391917137795,0.0,0.22409158175574484,0.0,0.0,0.2196418138894224,0.0,0.0,0.18402740491895067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977877761586558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749202067407776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849896745285926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492618989058597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870925902952835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778576593448734,0.0,0.0,0.2094033467878395,0.0,0.1487857151235043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292579593521158,0.17394785492950185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124887583038254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396016945257585,0.0,0.0
bpd,specialhex,2019/08/05,"My thoughts on bpd and anger i think people don’t realize what it’s like for me (and other people with bpd) to get angry. I know people without bpd get anger yes but my anger takes control of me for a good few days, it’s ALL i can think about and talk about, i stew on it for weeks. The emotional toll on it makes me fucking tired in the end of my tirade and i just want to sleep. Anger is like a physical thing, like it’s shaking you and making you do shit you would NEVER do in a right state of mind. This sounds like normal anger but it’s hard to encapsulate what I’m exactly feeling with anger and bpd becuase it is so visceral of a reaction.

And the thing is I’m a goddamn doormat, i HATE anger, but even i can’t control it or some of what i do when in such a state.

Wanted to post to see if anyone can relate 💓 stay safe guys",0.4998333333333314,2.3752657611111125,2.404444444444448,95.635,83.05555555555556,5.555555555555557,19.444444444444443,6.691623216298621,-0.005055555555555369,647,17,153,7,18,215,95,180,0.258,0.62,0.122,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,2,7,17,10,1,9,1,11,4,2,4,3,36,28,14,0,5,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,15,9,0,3,6,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,1,4,17,6,24,26,3,17,0,0,1,1,5,7,2,3,9,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493001443417324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6119154641186405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724630016975636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833382704955959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662994589036814,0.10758049607226618,0.0,0.0,0.08022541219391408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061415530859704484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229093092989567,0.12691919815677252,0.0,0.0,0.10187771432393884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202678355280599,0.0,0.0,0.1088073242016602,0.11991993401201602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675309315580216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373634744158151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215548906099286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264338122464445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368004109195817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190083162397476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526222271286001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632833557641427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372905671677644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679058221520027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468040671585562,0.0,0.0,0.121551092207122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946379420149573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132534005129768,0.0976276581154242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613897354583021,0.15565764964367182,0.0,0.09642835042225367,0.0,0.13960427906333076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328448858387718,0.0,0.09743059111200847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708635696011348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628409509116428,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,official_taco_corp,2019/08/05,First day on Lamictal! Any advice or things you wish you knew?,0.8024999999999984,3.2773742500000047,1.5,94.995,98.16666666666666,5.7333333333333325,14.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.09653333333333423,49,1,10,1,2,15,11,12,0.0,0.7859999999999999,0.214,0.4574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701208124801448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271613385582486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31026670366059345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092194628145357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31961837632177914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5532359149554426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,healthyintentions,2019/08/05,"Imprinting... celebrities? My take on it: I pick up on peoples’ personalities, mannerisms, style, etc. I want to be that person. I care about them and get almost obsessed. Worst part? It tends to happen with social media influencers or celebrities. And with the internet, I can look at thousands of photos/videos/interviews. There’s fan pages even, it’s endless. Am I alone in this? I feel like other people with bpd do this with people they know irl.",2.7781144781144747,5.805706160493827,3.306509539842871,84.47202020202022,86.1604938271605,5.908417508417509,22.178451178451176,7.348242739294969,1.2887925925925918,353,12,60,6,11,110,64,81,0.08900000000000001,0.789,0.121,0.3841,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,13,13,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,9,2,13,12,4,5,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,1,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419934643261089,0.2318885712968305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28198897811800155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282767351944981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497030506480587,0.1478810935836792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320846622267995,0.15995123594285246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169763377146663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979903557346752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304730067466195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938420013532572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801611964785694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245738094439956,0.0,0.4656635620771041,0.39099443044885024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22823361745015075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834181077242003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320595699411649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,piipaapuu,2019/08/05,"Getting worse My mind is really unclear but I'll try my best to write as clearly as I can.

I've had extreme stress past 5-6 months (finishing my thesis) and now I've moved to my home country/town from where I studied abroad because of a death in my family and issues related to that. It's a relative I'm wasn't very close to, but I'm more a support for my parents.

All in all, I've been so stressed for so long, that I've been hurting myself first time in 2 years (well, have been for last 3 months or so). Besides that my health is otherwise bad as well - bad insomnia, problems with mouth because of constantly throwing up, brain zaps. 

I also have super easy job that gives me opportunity to work from home, but I'm tired of that as well. Days when I'm working I am already dead tired when I start and know that I will have bad time.

I'm starting to question what I even want to do in life or if I even have a future. I just feel like I'm slowly sinking to a place where I already once climbed up from and I'm tired. 

I know that I should go to doctors, get medication and therapy and whatever, but I'm just angry at myself letting things go this bad and tired of constant struggle with myself. I feel like I will never be completely normal and I'm just waste of air. I haven't felt this bad for years and honestly I don't know how to do this anymore.",3.6232616753150495,4.1656880422535245,4.864825796886585,86.80708302446257,71.74647887323944,7.950778354336546,28.679762787249807,8.032893268588372,1.6763830985915489,1060,39,233,14,19,352,146,284,0.24100000000000002,0.628,0.131,-0.991,2,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,7,18,20,0,3,5,0,22,11,2,1,4,41,46,27,2,5,10,1,3,2,0,3,9,0,2,0,13,12,0,0,7,0,0,5,4,10,3,1,6,3,27,10,35,35,4,38,0,1,0,0,4,12,0,5,23,142,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952466085554887,0.07229551595656157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896558182268642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774150513271883,0.11021807031323523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487272476441017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092002229781763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947861788745866,0.1953877818989606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830267349924621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253164616182932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194211029808358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522422045561984,0.0,0.09142128703173996,0.1291683240672997,0.08680138067980381,0.0,0.0,0.07689703229036188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944640246701957,0.08672311851510152,0.10275659955333599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609451980627924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136383614598686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677864205087616,0.0,0.0,0.09435759632910844,0.08971136253294439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490499293312409,0.07369078564752131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244353712089456,0.06385455048461391,0.08833300804233944,0.0,0.0,0.08000410843945502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091071851138625,0.0,0.0,0.09128159930013567,0.0,0.14431816222941254,0.09608444026037463,0.0,0.0,0.06972462670213829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857607583798059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627660348521007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038220725192537,0.0,0.08630021454056502,0.0,0.0,0.09445224582101427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650378429497031,0.0,0.0,0.10127242724292043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791469260755513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797589449854047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711343424084375,0.09450919652673596,0.0,0.0,0.10258863552724083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338409461631104,0.0,0.060059960089796284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054298256465753,0.4156213481655899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061377931608650925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459222084847272,0.05332223044666903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438503709676616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162941210457565,0.0,0.09212872380098533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643357010772296
bpd,boiontherun,2019/08/05,"What is true beauty ? Do you tend to take beauty as important..

My mother educate me to not take care of that, but what you think ?",0.8375641025641016,3.1739425000000066,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,85.53846153846153,6.5435897435897425,16.358974358974358,7.793537801064563,0.4190666666666667,99,2,21,2,3,33,21,26,0.059000000000000004,0.713,0.22899999999999998,0.6423,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5292358910922759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7805659929061072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326050244633532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clm77539,2019/08/05,"Power and Control issues in pwBPD Due to some things that happened this weekend with my pwBPD it left me really at a loss, even after everything I though I knew about BPD. Emotionally I was stripped down and completely broken, more than any other point in our relationship. As I sat here trying desperately to make sense of things that were said and done and the seemingly complete lack of care in his eyes or feeling in his words. Trying to keep repeating to myself all the things I know about BPD ""disassociating, devaluating, splitting"" So I decided I either needed to continue to educate myself and find solutions or its time to be done completely. Im pretty stubborn and hard headed so after a long period of laying on the floor crying and feeling very sorry for myself I decided to figure the core issues, because I put everything together and seen a need for power and control in his owrds and actions that keep repeating in different places and situations with him.  So I thought I might come here and put down my thoughts based off what I have read and know about BPD and what Ive seen in my pwBPD and see if anyone else relates!

Whether it is what triggers him - anything that makes him feel a loss or lack of control of himself or an situations in his life- Or the way that he responds to those stressful situations - i.e. yelling and raging which demands you pay attention, or by giving the silent treatment - a harsh control and defense mechanism. Being silent when the other person needs communication is their way of taking control back. It gives them the impression of self control and power.

I think these power and control struggles are sometimes done subconsciously. They are the by product of the loss and dissociation from themselves that leads those with BPD to feel helpless, powerless, and hopeless. The reason that  pwBPD feel the need to struggle for power and control stems from what is essentially their trying to live for or through others. The lack of identity drives the kind of projection that blurs the boundaries between where they end and others begin. The misuse of power that is so often seen in pwBPD is usually the borderline over-compensating for feeling powerless or helpless. When they feel powerless then they feel that others have power over them. This is a distortion which often has its roots in childhood needs that were unmet. Power that is used in a defensive way as seen in a pwBPD often results in abuse and punishment, manipulation of the ones they love to try to re-assert a sense of personal control.

The lack of a feeling of true self, the pwBPD project most of what should be their inner-reality onto those around them. So when they feel out of control it is others around them which they project the kind of intimidating, often abusive type of dominance in order to feel that they have protected themselves. Personal control can often only be felt when the pwBPD intimidates or exercises control or power over someone else. This is often like the ""I hate you, dont leave me"" situation the pwBPD struggles with when they want closeness and intimacy but feel completely destroyed by it at the same time. Those with pwBPD are completely entangled with their pasts. Entangled in drama. Entangled with trauma. Entangled with all that results because of it. 

For the pwBPD the void, the lack of a sense of self identity, coupled with abandonment issues reacting in over sensitive ways. Borderlines often feel shame because of abandonment that create crazy uncontrolled emotions that stress them to the point where their first reaction is rage. Rage can be seen as an abusive effort to control, and while there is some truth to it, borderline rage is much more complicated than that. It is often a protective reaction. It is an emotionally immature response to abandonment issues from the past. These uncontrolled emotions fuel the narcissistic and protective false sense of self.  

Power and control struggles are no longer an issue when the pwBPD finally assumes responsibility for themselves. What happens when they find their true self is a person who makes an active choice to mature, to heal, to recover, to learn and grow as opposed to the choice to remain closed and protected seeing and experiencing everything and everyone as threatening. These perceptions cause pwBPD to remain tangled in the power and control struggles that are the roots of normal development in childhood that creates ones identity. Power and control struggles and all the manipulation and deceit that comes with them will change to limits and boundaries, goals, ethics, values and better choices. This happens when the pwBPD makes the choice to invest in their recovery and thus their own happiness rather than continuing to invest in staying lost. Power and control struggles are only necessary when the pwBPD was not allowed to mature emotionally as a child. Choice is everything. Choosing to recover must be an active choice to stop engaging in the self-protective behavior that does not and cannot serve any good in adulthood. 

In conclusion The power and control issues that pwBPD struggle with only serve to destroy and hurt them and the people who love them. Fortunately with help and work these old ways of thinking, feeling and reacting can  change!",10.377526074259492,10.2005442962963,9.226139618968158,63.70422403003757,57.562091503267965,12.257210401891253,40.66481249710286,11.54491330692532,4.998372335790107,4296,194,641,102,47,1338,358,918,0.166,0.753,0.081,-0.9979,19,0,0,0,2,1,78.0,1,2,26,44,36,50,11,13,62,0,49,7,2,37,7,199,108,82,0,16,17,0,16,1,0,4,3,2,0,10,65,65,0,33,35,4,3,8,5,36,0,3,19,27,60,14,136,79,17,95,0,11,8,2,58,45,0,26,36,486,125,10,0.0,0.11635661300922025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445217481067425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022889023281127602,0.033540802901362965,0.02693805713410348,0.058282053524947336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025171139573730083,0.0,0.059864726126449976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028951384270876342,0.0,0.0,0.16491398709403635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333754414915295,0.033627789039358924,0.06925842816339269,0.05639648507513136,0.17160974973745408,0.0,0.6608701090639273,0.0,0.03622057599263092,0.03595778207738851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034201033230659275,0.0,0.0,0.028646556713531317,0.10049759219366,0.038365092654599336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469166497079494,0.1841119440058344,0.028993430598106176,0.0,0.0,0.021621111684465868,0.0,0.0,0.03127962720981535,0.11768017266739653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317246894458249,0.0,0.031430665086807114,0.03585951433440849,0.059838263600877475,0.02784431364062513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062804652921053,0.0,0.02745650510628461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684216805641037,0.03484694031850629,0.02932406633157125,0.032318964970855776,0.0335954808866924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021941532693636082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03504341822715752,0.0,0.035359340352001715,0.2050005646492938,0.0,0.05819261743845616,0.0,0.06817678173606519,0.035980521456632414,0.0,0.0,0.03466156295648437,0.03556659582777482,0.0,0.023121648236840608,0.015992632664050408,0.0,0.028905541785267858,0.02896938180286549,0.0,0.0,0.035734041618212385,0.0,0.059089102440844414,0.0,0.08740327642723845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03472658630659565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02406393913322133,0.12136267428954067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03207327985527024,0.0,0.0,0.034349801076569916,0.0,0.044364069765074884,0.07468916513583836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624983869818839,0.022694277857676592,0.11433150842849465,0.034201033230659275,0.0,0.06189017699560907,0.0,0.0,0.0333031909204174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581528960907264,0.0,0.0,0.032743787249600934,0.0,0.020970833559298203,0.0336569587116343,0.0,0.035145062732672316,0.0,0.0,0.0311384134293032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052170999957494135,0.029800649662367475,0.20489801922196127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718172565260473,0.0,0.0,0.027736198869659525,0.0,0.03237568152710917,0.0366440726461076,0.0,0.034891078487192716,0.0,0.027367866177140026,0.07499550048190687,0.2737732400467421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024612592480026188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524289622786868,0.041950441081592765,0.03216190125620373,0.05197575374219189,0.03817600035973834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889947127586723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028272468106918733,0.03605289922146724,0.027009744467290372,0.019307909087680552,0.12991731363430695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023831417974177677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teemoshroomz,2019/08/05,"I’ve had this overwhelming feeling in my chest for the past 2 days and idk how to get rid of it Hi haven’t posted here before, I’m diagnosed with GAD, depression & BPD. 

I’ve been isolating myself for the past few days afterI discovered a new song that spoke to me and it reminded me of an ex and I’ve been super sad and just feeling shitty, I’ve had the worst episode of my life the past couple months and I was doing fine at some point and then there’s now - I feel like I’m at square one again. Like I just think to myself no one understands no one gives a shit. I could probably die tomorrow and no one would blink an eye is how I feel. 


How the hell do I get rid of this stupid overwhelming feeling",2.2906823266219227,3.6783241476510082,3.5867281879194657,91.46295581655485,75.9798657718121,7.651230425055928,21.812639821029077,8.344100000000001,0.9312008948545863,554,14,127,10,12,181,90,149,0.231,0.677,0.091,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,3,2,9,0,11,5,3,3,0,23,24,11,1,2,2,1,5,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,8,0,4,6,9,12,4,13,16,3,16,1,4,2,0,4,4,2,1,13,77,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645243920003062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920922360983048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124392448165745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123616999774885,0.16801401074287256,0.0,0.19585540007494426,0.0,0.13078419233130498,0.15411985146253807,0.1575915179379321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838879006809017,0.1084783607201911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866587442778055,0.1456639125883448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725287350614784,0.14836795288795232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120152346824944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466532019209359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115774026135483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348607541714466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435429528334131,0.0,0.14542588791146696,0.0,0.16371498819212207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155867087429491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729638010153316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807638244601055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786659225453687,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ihavetoputsomething,2019/08/05,"I can't stop the thoughts I've never posted before, but I need help. I'm sorry this might get long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Some background first, I've been married for almost 12 years now. I've worked really hard to keep my issues I'm check and I think I've done pretty well. A few years ago I finally broke. After a literal decade of explaining how I feel about porn(I know it's stupid and unfair I just cant get past it I've really really tried) I found MORE he had been watching. I lost it. It was a full on episode and I'm really lucky to be here still. I asked WAY too many questions and now I know things I wish I didn't. The problem now is I cant stop thinking about it. I cant feel sexy in front of him. All I see is my horrible flaws. I know logically I'm not disgusting, but that's all I see. For the past week I cant seem to keep my emotions in check. I've been doing all the coping things I've learned over the years but it just isn't working. I feel myself losing control more and more each day instead of getting better. He's done so much to make it up to me. He's even put a parental lock thing on his phone without me asking. I dont have it on there anymore, I honestly trust he isn't watching anything, but other insecurities have popped up in its place. I'm sorry this is probably just rambling nonsense. I really just need some advice on how to keep myself from getting worse. I hate this so much and I just want to be happy. I'm just so tired of fighting myself all the time and I feel like I'm losing the fight right now. If anyone has some ideas of how I can reign myself in I would be eternally grateful. I cant even leave my house with him without the thoughts and paranoia. I need help.",0.5921784504803362,2.6431136280323457,2.4962803234501365,94.10886723339554,83.87870619946091,5.53019559057295,19.75540811389868,6.788186056548923,0.15497755200774055,1360,38,309,16,39,452,177,371,0.16699999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.149,-0.8527,1,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,0,0,0,8,26,18,5,1,12,0,30,1,0,5,5,72,71,22,0,8,15,1,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,18,10,0,7,18,0,2,2,14,11,1,1,12,9,42,7,35,54,15,41,0,4,4,0,17,15,0,9,23,193,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333864462209327,0.07559921719593236,0.0,0.08539971625657533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457891995795963,0.059632632216455414,0.0,0.07018155532343531,0.0,0.15945825947984826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257049559101593,0.0,0.0,0.07542686418628998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956533804984537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500119515668238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745505077642792,0.0999523410030474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593314409889213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265869979290287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724888327658873,0.06092698476493531,0.0,0.0934245731458379,0.0,0.07254261985132777,0.0,0.09350962394521303,0.0,0.0,0.17822970866810306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907865202616844,0.07639781047727541,0.08420040156595986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432828157973493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840641173382464,0.0,0.09627537864614727,0.0,0.08901445266107477,0.0,0.3032177398571278,0.0,0.0,0.1406097483907541,0.0,0.0,0.09030355775538017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166550796488192,0.0,0.0,0.07547375304619157,0.0,0.190822207079464,0.09309767984653793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569278052375017,0.08646470101733894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904729626913201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538726658500413,0.18971125937070876,0.06577636273439016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946979107466327,0.0,0.1628266649580158,0.0,0.0,0.08910374248027768,0.0,0.0,0.09614501912668236,0.08167860205837309,0.08676459940643706,0.0919506943610773,0.08160537478372637,0.0,0.08573408553246008,0.09553772066474443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731759213913744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283216340609101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592078677271954,0.07763945011112107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093715622371088,0.0,0.0,0.06810799989816649,0.14260266838351185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997691809334348,0.10929322730862563,0.0,0.13541211300338604,0.04972985000248107,0.09802153790612446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580462411434905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050302777333611486,0.06769455635874433,0.0684097682677005,0.0,0.07668065652138091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807251686096642,0.1644216760984713,0.0,0.12417569468090922,0.0,0.08691179345968751,0.06058338436630166,0.0,0.0,0.1647605108288969
bpd,SonniSummers,2019/08/05,"It's my birthday and I wanna cry Turned 27. My entire life everyone around me has forgotten my birthday or made them horrible. Example dad took me to dave and busters one year to make me watch him play games when I ask if I could to he told me I was a self entitled cunt. I was 12. Out of 27 of them only been remembered and celebrated 3 times. Each worst then the last. 

Well I was excited I'm married to a great man. I worked 6 days and was suppose to be off today. But my nice manager asked if I could come in and help. I dont know how to say no so i should i could. I'm so mad. No one at works even knows. Company policy is they get a cake for everyone birthday and the dont make you work it. But I'm too afraid of saying anything and being that entitled cunt. I mean plus my bosses was a few days ago so i feel guilty claiming a cake when there still his in the fridge. I mean a waste of money right? But I hunger for that cake. Through I dont eat sweets because I haven't had one in 11 years and its be nice. 

Called my mom mentioned my birthday she replied with I guess you want so.ething. it's like yes I do just for you to fucking remember. And here I am 4 hours after turning 27 have to work in a couple hours and I cant sleep. I get to work 8 days straight im sore all over. 4 months pregnant. And just feel defeated",-0.589638017808749,1.5283419825783997,1.5393757259001184,98.22542440960123,90.84668989547038,5.279481223383662,19.122048006194348,6.816661863887847,0.07837367402245476,1027,32,249,15,36,341,165,287,0.15,0.728,0.122,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,3,6,15,15,4,1,10,1,24,6,1,5,1,46,48,25,0,8,8,2,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,6,17,2,0,8,2,1,2,7,7,1,3,10,6,42,8,30,31,4,30,0,1,1,1,23,11,3,4,18,153,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852583057148689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218180963043296,0.08890256271663619,0.18672382314954397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087783170615128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197509714606633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860263451294415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23920637313421544,0.11050063729958344,0.10969891357441004,0.19321733733236574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511291915335605,0.0,0.0,0.10218859659285033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596103332937114,0.0,0.0,0.19085388050599728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009912387408164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232518269584966,0.10435248920280417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010342243549368,0.11001446221961987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693856404905621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669722494759173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787320566586224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976828618457392,0.08140471402183792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053882484109264,0.048789839836761335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944963146453958,0.13332363556623802,0.0,0.0,0.2175682919089582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696270723578885,0.07971267113799396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301684254999092,0.07595314836667315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262590745716141,0.08528564179616098,0.0,0.15883606417815652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418277956179482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999388526034106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975369961730693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058233093396395215,0.0,0.094661982972718,0.09542694025299864,0.11095561165389244,0.0,0.2172526496717324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890398483848485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979218382286888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635208444000371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286217997796529
bpd,throwawaymightstay,2019/08/05,romance and BPD i keep coming across people in the chat who seem to be in not so great relationships but mine is great. am i alone? surely there is somebody else in a loving stable relationship. strangely i feel left out. like im alone on this one.,0.91,3.4918457142857164,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,91.85714285714286,4.4326530612244905,17.20408163265306,6.1826913282559595,-0.1939877551020408,196,5,39,2,7,63,41,49,0.23800000000000002,0.503,0.26,0.3555,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,9,9,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,7,8,0,8,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237710695071082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576642095338904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622951216487878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090223662783355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344294360896808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511053536982129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098395998983847,0.0,0.0,0.18184212312371065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222792368618044,0.0,0.0,0.09994856412994796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846434876843485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863024197221366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183158792483452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392895941746582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624401663327408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928163699976541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angiie12,2019/08/05,"Change in personality with lamictal? So I started taking it a little over a year ago. My depression wasn’t horrible, but my manic episodes were kinda bad. Made impulse purchases, talked really fast/loud when excited and talking to friends, a bubbly person. (Around friends and family other than that still an introvert lol). So I started off with the lowest dose and went up. At first it was working, a few months later things were ok. Manic was calmer, no depression that I could remember. 

Then things got bad, the higher the dose was, the more I felt like I wasn’t “myself”, I wasn’t that bubbly person anymore, I’m not really happy, nor sad. I feel like I lost my old self. And I miss it to be honest. Not exactly the manic episodes but who I was in general. Not to mention I have more depression than when I did before. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m thinking about getting off of it. If anybody went through this and got off, did you go back to your old self? I hate the new me. Feel like I have no emotion or personality. Just boring.

Oh I also take 25 mg seroquil at night to help me sleep also for bipolar but it’s such a small dose idk if that even has to do with it. I’m not on 200 mg of lamictal.",1.6732875837855092,4.063054568464732,3.5461618257261414,86.14789259495693,82.15352697095435,6.695244174912225,22.96217682732205,7.882392219407189,1.3451473348228529,945,33,188,18,26,317,137,241,0.185,0.67,0.145,-0.8767,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,0,3,13,19,1,0,12,2,18,5,1,1,1,30,39,19,0,3,11,0,3,3,2,0,4,0,0,6,16,9,0,0,5,0,1,3,10,10,0,1,18,4,23,9,27,19,3,32,0,6,0,0,15,13,0,4,19,130,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794424644915868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672038318781175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095780999860907,0.07725838233328702,0.11321182832888728,0.0,0.09836105977733216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496131534608525,0.18451194824161127,0.0,0.0,0.09402031884381057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688559308823168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821865065152773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854990793811411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230165723675993,0.12428831748234165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297874148987593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416176367597216,0.0,0.11173587090435366,0.157870619103237,0.1060893822528548,0.0,0.0,0.093984203809565,0.0,0.0,0.17073126342446604,0.0,0.05772736530163997,0.0,0.06279499291163827,0.0,0.1767406502490529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762049455785095,0.0,0.1090877020686694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406027338968843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194202527118307,0.1107417344531852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206147687363197,0.0,0.0,0.10454994062656027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819343977525004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671359535220576,0.0,0.10368899786063468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318849548144857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859084453897639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156765512208178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516558397780495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305339305214138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057151958975613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641322159021406,0.0,0.08823883334527725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661520508481541,0.1776181244577766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468115832756591,0.070798635143248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048538698418448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043929086792748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115304750617192
bpd,bennypain,2019/08/05,"Jobs I have no idea how to hold onto a job. For those that are high-functioning, how do you keep one for longer than a year (my limit it seems) without having to resort to back-stabbing, croneyism or otherwise being a general sociopath? I refuse to engage with any of those activities. I am just too honest to put up with that nonsense. The past two jobs I've been in I've become enemy number one very quickly. I had to make complaints about people within the first month or so due to them trying to fuck me over and get me in trouble. Many take my kindness for weakness and are shocked when I give them shit back. It makes me experience an emotional flashback which I now recognise as the memory of being brutalised by a narc ex, or being beaten by my narc dad. *I'm either an absolute pushover or a raging maniac.* I am worried as I have sent abusive things to people (in response to what I deem an equal offence towards me) but often my reaction could have been delayed and more considered. I seem to have no care for any rules when it comes to feeling vengeance because I have been fucked over and over and over. I absolutely have no desire to hurt anyone but my rage is unspeakable. None of my family speak to me, I'm single and I have like 2 friends. I get that things could be worse, but as you know when you're suffering horrendously, it's very hard to empathise. I rarely leave my flat and I'm worried about being homeless. I could get another job doing the same line of work, (kind of have to) but that's precisely what was triggering me and stressing me out too much.",4.240291725105191,5.6372182774193575,5.006521739130439,83.1745652173913,71.06451612903227,7.97194950911641,27.994389901823286,8.456263369488248,1.9675329593267885,1246,45,241,20,23,403,175,310,0.221,0.701,0.079,-0.9924,4,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,2,4,15,20,7,1,12,0,29,4,1,5,1,46,49,25,0,4,11,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,15,12,0,5,5,0,0,3,5,13,0,4,6,3,34,7,48,35,7,27,0,2,0,2,11,12,3,7,13,181,49,6,0.0,0.1296308055418088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488026315465851,0.11472401868278448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650074497517391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825627774620966,0.0,0.06669421247846515,0.12083274165562688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154893359222244,0.0,0.0,0.09424546144321723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620605929761518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306947921964775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070221961352598,0.10314029725298357,0.0,0.055320064350804006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306254402679263,0.0,0.0,0.08452849029494182,0.20229220322930566,0.17148377888544275,0.10495429790421124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800824144017826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559575159257356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171237220534676,0.12350852067812686,0.0,0.0,0.434282956143269,0.09724701948657986,0.0,0.2278635714927665,0.06012787575556192,0.0,0.0,0.11584746782800755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345131148181893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146061622591556,0.11092272462285888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732856734722046,0.0,0.08042760270363017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827563175040034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444248985938577,0.15169971575128952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099854420175774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992022002786801,0.0,0.0,0.11230592695781733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532670324518216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226133712069904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537186972310845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742809740827862,0.0,0.1068758965380014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805464172025608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546558355786316,0.0,0.07965045980544469,0.22221863997840965,0.11149628483043593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045528235362554
bpd,Hashag,2019/08/05,"Is this the correct way to handle a split/episode? Thoughts please! I’ve been splitting/in the middle of an episode for a week. I’ve been splitting on my FP. He knows about my BPD and stuff, so I was honest and when he said that he noticed I was being distant I told him- “I’m having a hard time at the moment. I want to isolate myself and I’m struggling to give you the love and reassurance you need”. He said he would try and understand the best he could. 

Over the last week there has been numerous times where he has said that it’s affecting his mental health negatively and that he is upset by how I’m acting. I 100% understand where he is coming from- but This gets me from 0-100 real quick. I get really angry as I have been so honest and open about how I’m feeling right now, I feel like it’s a kick in the teeth, like I’m not “allowed” to have bad days unless I’m reassuring him he is loved and cared for- I don’t have the capacity for that right now. 

We got into a big fight, and he said I wasn’t “being normal” and I said, “what am I doing wrong?” And he said “what are you doing right?”. He’s also said over the past week there’s been times that I have “been an arse”. And then this is the icing on the cake...

We were arguing and I started to cry. He wouldn’t let me talk, kept interrupting me about how much this was affecting him and that I’m normal around other people so why do I have to be like this around him. I told him to leave as I felt myself getting angry. He wouldn’t leave. I left the room, I was shaking and crying- he followed me everywhere, shouting at me and when I said “please leave me alone this is too much” I told him he was upsetting me and that this was not okay. he continued to follow me, shouting things such as “come at me!” And “give me all you’ve got” “get angry” I was absolutely emotionally distraught, a little terrified and shaken and I asked him to leave but he wouldn’t leave. 
I took myself away and decided I couldn’t deal with anything anymore so I sat, not crying, just a bit numb and allowed him to stay. I told him that if he ever did anything like that again, I would leave him, and that is a hard limit for me. To which he replied (grabbing his bag) I think I’m going to go because I don’t like ultimatums.

At this point, we have made up but I am still splitting and after this incident, I can’t get it out of my head. Thoughts please? Am I overreacting because of my BPD or is this genuinely not okay? Am I splitting or is this the real end? Help me.",1.6097432134996303,3.3649988314176262,3.254133039863049,91.51374541452678,78.88505747126437,6.2050052987690565,21.259639683704243,7.125416948008024,0.4327152033912114,1938,53,434,23,47,642,215,522,0.16399999999999998,0.732,0.10300000000000001,-0.9845,3,1,0,0,1,0,58.0,3,3,0,2,28,25,2,5,23,2,56,6,2,8,3,83,111,45,0,12,12,0,6,5,0,5,2,10,1,0,30,35,0,2,10,0,0,9,13,10,0,0,37,16,71,15,46,63,5,61,0,0,0,2,63,27,0,3,28,289,101,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503803757449536,0.0,0.05021818548557282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062277064490177836,0.0,0.0,0.10335202315354804,0.111804056902843,0.05870607187969575,0.0,0.058999199276101415,0.0,0.05243229487146508,0.0765600940199058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590085189520573,0.0,0.06855730514356438,0.0,0.15817950537075742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402502200920596,0.0,0.0,0.10818691938782404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013774282050011,0.0,0.2069363896946186,0.040498424187872514,0.06474023702951605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063739528433151,0.05561889069354341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680285649541671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635034011272317,0.044861695577148086,0.06029430425534683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640423977142618,0.12047988298736012,0.071377178901893,0.0,0.10044788945047772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250631652346872,0.0,0.06444712959755866,0.06674953980103382,0.0,0.0,0.04209104212096472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0345112090689235,0.05118737301008144,0.0,0.3989533438937031,0.06822837328590076,0.06421348036120042,0.0,0.15339552265710715,0.06293839863230513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335224090562035,0.0594193857684249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328390945357426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232502485539898,0.04656266731006977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305409947384598,0.0,0.07149401381679721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059946182330959365,0.0435350537517097,0.0,0.0,0.2067944691609875,0.059362809407378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295189462569682,0.04022892342940905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088311388895116,0.4778693592769678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044447550602386365,0.0669325099005626,0.05014921335083768,0.0,0.0,0.0656483365320159,0.0718867497278172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047329435756545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171907726417917,0.04023733909597173,0.0,0.0997065095942916,0.10985109802409793,0.0,0.0,0.2400182566641348,0.06976900968862712,0.04263457163921498,0.0,0.0,0.13074634425056916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03703888994559765,0.04984478702356323,0.15111423339113358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056663901380201935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921739216080714,0.06865790577849636,0.0,0.0
bpd,apertxre11,2019/08/05,"can you have bpd without anger issues? i was recently diagnosed with bpd but i’m not seeing how i fit into the uncontrollable anger. i respond to anger by internalizing it, mentally “shutting down”, and maybe cutting people off. but it seems that external anger is a big component. 

sorry. i’d just like to understand myself better and other people’s experience.",4.557209821428573,7.698034765625002,6.228839285714287,66.68937500000001,76.34375,9.282142857142855,29.455357142857146,9.606745405546679,3.8633732142857142,291,13,42,9,7,99,51,64,0.11800000000000001,0.609,0.273,0.9322,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,8,5,1,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,12,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,5,2,8,7,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972965974459815,0.0,0.0,0.5619242282248047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264220388227668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821556093893468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328381117657369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898587712763276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411437316103794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481270184400412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093118975535423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026510751061676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776629747066106,0.2030841332163655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497203858025249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322346956832689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504166712057285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,awesomegucamole314,2019/08/05,"Newbie to this sub. Recently loss wife to suicide. Looking for insight into BPD   I had the privilege of being married to an amazing woman for 9 years, she was kind, intelligent and determined. She had so many enviable traits and improved the lives of so many people. 
   At the beginning of this year she died by suicide. She genuinely believed she had BPD, I'm ashamed to admit that because she was never formally diagnosed I made so many different excuses for behavior that I now ( in retrospect) can see was so clearly BPD. I loved her with all my heart and feel like a peice of shit for not being the partner she needed.
  I am ignorant to any relevant information about BPD and would genuinely ike to learn as much as I can. 
  Any help or guidance would be appreciated.",4.587004662004659,6.7571113776223815,5.973583916083918,73.45986305361306,71.5874125874126,9.801631701631699,33.594988344988344,10.125756701596842,4.009494638694639,609,31,103,18,12,205,93,143,0.136,0.6579999999999999,0.207,0.8874,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,1,6,0,14,4,2,1,3,21,23,11,3,3,2,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,3,15,5,22,11,2,9,0,1,2,1,16,3,1,1,7,75,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307753023197134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757436448914724,0.0,0.0,0.1433744666798902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6411002892004681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916264086815873,0.13207212725761544,0.13295592861160888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434469612933813,0.09091204938693027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079953263828735,0.08529733107095742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251803336373635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217108449481142,0.0,0.11236979667142846,0.0,0.10686338654533399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485393486308886,0.12041315122007508,0.0,0.38705426829058137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354814961094678,0.09435906190394977,0.09814803671103464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822361495302407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565041426665002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140693263802797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062694030505725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27839585272547457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807986938065716,0.0,0.0,0.16389799205592814
bpd,yayliv,2019/08/05,"I'm not sure how to proceed Hey, I don't typically post on reddit but here goes. Ever since I was young I suffered from various mental illnesses (OCD, an eating disorder, depression, etc) and have tried countless therapists and many medications. Progress is limited and I always seems to take steps back and steps forward daily. I recently learned that I have BPD in addition to the other things going on (a possible reason that none of my medications have really helped) and I'm feeling...some clarity but also a little bit of hopelessness. I'm not sure what I should do- I am still in therapy but it doesn't really help, I still have a very hard time daily and am worried I won't ever improve. Any advice?",5.059029850746267,6.695340126865673,6.543462686567171,72.01608955223881,69.37313432835822,10.434626865671644,31.310447761194034,10.577609850970193,3.8006292537313424,563,24,96,17,10,192,91,134,0.26899999999999996,0.682,0.049,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,5,0,13,4,0,2,4,22,19,11,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,7,1,1,3,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,1,1,11,2,10,16,4,19,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,1,10,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829330422887899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135847970241632,0.12627238034072394,0.0,0.0,0.1031986557982788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669028640528213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567723911704998,0.0,0.19113020618188464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070642486219772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392446490152966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552833287677441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924702473526332,0.0,0.27454230934005897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862459070675671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594274064451756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343645758997625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209845395779065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385582848349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057545478894998,0.15293342375179092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108104692723505,0.1453394141332224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443637559786314,0.15602949322525886,0.14983982999336634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815212195614615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553336732239725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423835999521821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860547269608038,0.0,0.1141009312374626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354515535354634,0.176199340124521,0.1008193295399525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884896053819361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303173535382602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521383103810507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411464636574046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kevinmalone9999,2019/08/05,"How long did it take you to heal from your BPD ex? My ex and I broke up less than two years ago. She broke me down and traumatized me during the relationship and I was already experiencing severe depression and anxiety before the breakup (happy before I met her). Her happy moods and positive validation (and the sex) were the only things that kept me going, addicted like heroin. Cheated on me, abused me emotionally and physically, got me arrested on false charges and was on probation for a year. Ended up begging me not to break up with her after I was arrested and not only that but begged me to get a place and sign a lease with her. A month or so after moving in with her and after months of increasingly insane abuse, using the police as power over me, slandering me, she got with my friend in my own house and had her family kick me out. After her outbursts of rage and slander attacks and also extreme possessiveness that kept me locked down during the relationship (about 1.5 years) I had basically no friends left where I lived and became estranged from my family for a year. This was even more devastating and I went through a major depression, alcoholism, and homelessness for almost a year. I was totally lost and had had my identity and entire sense of self worth shattered by this gal. I picked myself and joined the USMC, am fitter, not drinking myself to sleep every day anymore, happier, not homeless. However I still struggle with low self esteem and don’t think women will find my attractive so I don’t try. Not only that, but I used to dream of romantic love and now I have no desire to be with anybody or to love anymore and I want to want to love. I know partners with BPDexes can relate. It’s almost two years post breakup, im healing but not the same as I was before the relationship. I want to know how long it takes to fully heal from such traumatic experience and feel fully normal again. I no longer miss her and noticed healing accelerate greatly after I cut all contact (which was very difficult with all the sick and twisted hovering I experienced while homeless). But I don’t feel like I can open up to people like I used to.",6.208171901448183,7.002215283618583,6.816882640586799,74.20714453639273,66.09046454767727,9.910889599398157,31.378690991160425,9.943994293440598,3.0887053977807035,1717,64,306,37,26,564,211,409,0.192,0.6759999999999999,0.132,-0.9775,2,0,2,0,2,0,41.0,0,2,0,2,12,26,4,1,17,0,22,13,1,6,3,74,48,40,0,5,12,2,2,3,3,1,7,0,0,4,11,36,2,2,6,2,1,4,12,13,0,2,20,4,55,12,55,26,9,46,0,7,0,4,28,18,0,4,25,222,66,0,0.0,0.20044160623416868,0.0,0.09221143212551552,0.0,0.0,0.0749805534994949,0.09039691244910758,0.16940170099968613,0.0,0.09334296366431936,0.06764354531505397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470820357124034,0.0,0.1677735423212427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622900200290277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592985201332754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653334480328452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455109469312967,0.0,0.14570792242643313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286226357309646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514807838339312,0.07491825753207662,0.0,0.0,0.05586838052246257,0.0,0.07126751296531589,0.0,0.0,0.0827415243097485,0.15948066327636873,0.0,0.08553863805063264,0.06042839079788704,0.0,0.0,0.07731024494589563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070216062032394,0.0,0.04419279293379751,0.0,0.04807228087619782,0.0,0.13530260594136673,0.093256572721285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008714354466807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976011061143417,0.0,0.0,0.09136759990136004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297271543997523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190314256701188,0.0,0.0,0.12397361897072208,0.0,0.07469115516514116,0.14971223216295734,0.0,0.0,0.09233581805907606,0.0,0.2290270159143361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503177918276627,0.08990173322408318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287650652325547,0.0,0.09630193756723812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299482652004749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864141351927413,0.0,0.08837456494730943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101018791675156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27244173660767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648368676645412,0.0955583178199338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464727679970191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755064033100648,0.0,0.0,0.08842785106875467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719657549397406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619530586648698,0.05419941489677085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742847039930754,0.0,0.16525683289752166,0.0,0.0,0.2191659285921048,0.0,0.06979246505614335,0.14967337865129274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841224525234451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32682439726306883
bpd,whatastupidthrowaway,2019/08/05,"can't be around my boyfriend but can't be without him. i'm in a fair long distance relationship & whenever my boyfriend is around for long i get agitated and find a problem with literally everything he does. im annoyed half the time, causing unnecessary fights and having episodes about the smallest things. i take everything he says and does as a personal attack even though hes the sweetest person and would never mean any harm. i even wonder sometimes if im even really in love with him and it makes me feel horrible. 

but when he isnt near me i feel horrible. theres a longing hole in my heart and i just want him to be close again. its like half of me is gone and i want nothing more than to just cuddle and love him.

i wish i could just be normal. i dont know whats going on anymore, do i hate him? do i love him? why does this happen with every single person ive been with? he does nothing but treat me right, so why do i have such a hard time being consistent with my feelings toward him? just needed to vent because i know im about to cry myself to sleep tonight.",3.6213181818181823,4.738273359090911,4.683409090909091,85.97511363636362,72.22727272727272,7.6818181818181825,26.93181818181818,8.07648339933343,1.5434090909090905,849,29,178,12,16,278,123,220,0.177,0.6809999999999999,0.141,-0.8347,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,17,11,4,0,8,0,21,6,2,2,1,44,43,16,0,9,9,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,16,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,6,0,2,2,5,31,5,25,34,2,21,0,0,0,4,21,10,0,2,10,118,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951380544929737,0.0,0.06873389184185033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023840299723599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995485503849706,0.0,0.11498644362314912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161386716520621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383100003936356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069948883036564,0.0,0.11102521393609673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538026990438149,0.0,0.11845815769414708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002755797177134,0.0,0.0851593354517087,0.0,0.18167786764927465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533183901488451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923799471774104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528070746600731,0.0,0.057442771926912085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937954206395503,0.0,0.09054259050049394,0.0997898032854166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197733611320849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275322976348627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109542528672714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937972701169893,0.0,0.0,0.2683423414717907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736701150950052,0.0,0.06746778376906716,0.0,0.0,0.11009938643794416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494520572961696,0.07795461988329266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903121248968584,0.19396675671711036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647621623795691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671431662141763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475069227930688,0.0,0.0,0.10851581725187072,0.0,0.08631677668961825,0.0,0.08037822541508363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101147150224923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996492442548577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759951862363401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714917785084698,0.0,0.09930484477258866,0.0,0.11787430598590135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192323115204844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824074088411838,0.0,0.11623029086856562,0.0974318792343986,0.10961061029849352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180018023479491,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JayeBerrie,2019/08/05,"Spiraling after being good for so long. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago now but since then I’ve always been pretty high functioning. I have good days and bad days like anyone else but I mostly excel at stomping my feelings down and dealing with them at a more convenient time.

Well currently I’ve just moved in with my cheating boyfriend and his teenaged kid and my professional life has kind of gone to shit as well. 

I have never been in such a horrific place mentally since I was diagnosed and I’m pretty scared about what comes next. Today I tried to find resources through my work EAP and that didn’t amount to much. I also looked at apartments and set my ok Cupid account back up. I’m such a mess right now, I’ve hardly left the bed in 2 days and I kind of hope I die in my sleep.",3.768396226415096,5.152775981132077,4.271839622641512,88.03530660377359,72.20754716981132,7.564150943396226,25.199685534591197,8.07648339933343,1.3119723270440249,627,19,130,9,12,198,105,159,0.175,0.649,0.177,-0.5489999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,12,15,2,1,4,1,9,5,2,0,1,19,16,14,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,11,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,5,2,0,6,3,17,10,22,9,4,34,0,0,1,0,4,14,1,2,17,79,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177575384056474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098597348077004,0.11430804218860705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605666580958633,0.14075819905945353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563385393879199,0.11470342773721184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833747235872312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657889426941339,0.14162887811813918,0.0,0.2788679971906505,0.1425748551031658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147602263352388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946155799704237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555940065111112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044935582447046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306213354732172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514554705760305,0.0,0.1364456099969569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861124417044894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492596939350436,0.0,0.09703290570219536,0.06711509496749858,0.0,0.0,0.12157365530064132,0.11536144808825335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844294537805502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600920937466574,0.10098734799609996,0.0,0.10595303038801536,0.0,0.14610119680432146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352893869825933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279522060976102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731856402202455,0.0,0.0,0.13753758836959165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101474302928313,0.22727810166002954,0.0,0.1374754581253403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010519416801823,0.0,0.1302166188346198,0.0,0.0,0.09326945385690363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470354879119834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001154369927226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884657987808944
bpd,itstimetobeatbpd,2019/08/05,"Struggling and could use some advice. Hello, so I (24f) suffer from borderline personality disorder. I have been on medication since the beginning of the year to help with emotional stability but my depression has been coming back hard core. I have gotten my dose increased but it does take time to work. 

I am hoping to get any advice on what I can do to make myself feel better in the mean time. I am on a vacation to collect myself, however the depression is getting worse because I do not have the things with me that keep me distracted from it. I know distracting myself from my depression won’t help which is why I decided to do this. But I am really getting low and need to bring myself back up some how. 

So any tips on how to bring myself up or at least feel better would be amazing. Thank you for any help.",4.949539700805524,6.105297037974688,6.068780207134638,77.13565592635216,69.12658227848101,9.796087456846953,28.287686996547755,10.018931242160765,2.787802531645569,644,22,121,16,11,215,96,158,0.18600000000000005,0.645,0.16899999999999998,-0.5034,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,3,6,13,0,3,6,0,19,2,0,4,0,26,38,10,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,5,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,3,3,21,5,23,31,4,19,0,5,0,0,6,9,0,4,6,92,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790239205954355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912629166645176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956069680633208,0.0,0.0870304987182046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525346969453683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298262782514945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398922162082728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368899519452755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362534484155536,0.0,0.1249378863976676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605956162528205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437632923930865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237723221231724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789274832185887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870846307793777,0.0,0.0,0.14180157255483486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689941586024076,0.0,0.0,0.07846196572997191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952992425080198,0.0,0.0,0.15551701185335826,0.0,0.14382448542710238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586121162786424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466015684326535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146131058949927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809977698582093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925288537175455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734432462415594,0.0,0.0,0.1314422741248987,0.0,0.0,0.0948492069359476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649920071578275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330635209834467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288265815127118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393734302268637,0.0,0.14549354304397868,0.10141881659750654,0.0,0.0,0.09193838764567212
bpd,Willowsatine,2019/08/05,What is this? is it disassociation? Sometimes I'm outside myself but like a ghost image slightly attached to my real body. Not literally exactly like it's hard to explain I feel my real body but my mind is seeing things like I see this trash bag I know it goes in the dump but why am I picking it up.. no..more like I'm watching myself be a Sim? Idk I just feel a little outside of my life and I can briefly look in as an ?outsider? It scares me bc I don't feel myself and I I'm afraid I can't get back to my mind. But it happens so fast I feel I'm just being silly.,-1.2496894117647062,0.7783238239999974,1.9096470588235304,94.46776470588236,94.76,3.9011764705882346,18.552941176470586,5.5289334501034215,-0.396868235294118,438,14,102,3,17,155,74,125,0.10400000000000001,0.772,0.124,0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,2,5,0,9,3,2,1,1,21,24,8,1,0,7,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,9,19,5,8,22,0,6,0,0,4,0,1,4,0,0,6,62,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417970418660027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876602525928719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529297079242817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116903108307124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543097454474315,0.0,0.15631769608178284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959006188692618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325448800751902,0.3410074802122675,0.17489481076782906,0.0,0.0,0.14653602421803955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523904467530998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972383330806745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470490977886255,0.0,0.2781077638901009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258493034939432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593002494635955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745907942707985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheGonzoisKillingMe,2019/08/05,"Managing work triggers with worsening condition Hello, I’m a lifelong sufferer of Borderline, diagnosed a few years ago. My condition has been worsening recently, of course at a time where obtaining psychological help is a nightmare. My job has been triggering me terribly due to past bad experiences; I travel for a living at my last assignment was traumatic, man. I can’t even walk in the door of my new gig without breaking into tears. Does anyone have any advice? Anything to keep that anxiety under control? It’s not even anxiety...it feels like someone is holding a hot poker to my brain and the only way to get it to stop is to get away from the trigger. Nothing has been helping; breathing exercises, Xanax, talking to my ecounselor...I NEED this job. Money situation is not positive currently, my wife can’t support us alone with the debt we’re in. 
So yeah. Any advice or commiseration is appreciated. Thanks for listening.",5.176546906187625,7.807337592814374,6.628646706586824,67.36819960079842,71.27544910179641,10.441357285429145,35.68423153692615,10.504223727775694,4.81565500998004,746,41,115,25,15,253,117,167,0.18100000000000002,0.72,0.099,-0.9339,4,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,10,1,15,5,2,4,0,17,24,3,0,1,4,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,4,4,0,4,1,3,2,2,5,3,0,0,4,3,11,3,23,20,1,22,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,11,72,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29961701502647714,0.13589620935938998,0.0,0.0,0.15877841949869062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085061990209784,0.0,0.11727840312417195,0.0,0.0,0.10719487546195068,0.0,0.12615748798936424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440357052904261,0.0,0.12800381470373914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113980733783826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194532303769236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560200834178908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415880798428806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251387277640687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996234337465095,0.0,0.0,0.07751594328337523,0.1095215874496847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601917500048322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551509216017266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30426440562201645,0.13626510625867433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496456670485152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489739713555632,0.0,0.13537169820552314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136741974212864,0.0,0.14806355269683275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710090646608276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659585552950165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634759043256565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137083507626214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232197457519374,0.0,0.0,0.12989538029228564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281703885083091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396943559299405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322127487021745,0.0,0.14114324584627871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939375774001862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440782169395065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168688968797844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477811764928031,0.0,0.11160833952796866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987238126894632
bpd,alphamikedelta,2019/08/05,"Are there many of you with BPD who are professionals too? I have an ex-gf who has BPD.  She had a very bad (very) reaction to our breakup.  And now..many years later she wants to reconnect.  She’s attained a professional designation, in chatting with her, has always resisted getting help for her condition.  I’m curious how you are coping and how it’s possible to grow through the condition?",4.525662100456621,6.575503232876713,5.6426712328767135,76.27761415525117,71.46575342465755,10.346118721461188,32.714611872146115,10.504223727775694,3.921732420091324,308,15,57,10,6,102,53,73,0.053,0.871,0.075,0.1449,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,7,10,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,9,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0,2,38,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990743544913067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059890482890375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6051735027340988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255208279845749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103466333623884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871520441452613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708460334151633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39646319770081295,0.1417058089366359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547132696933731
bpd,lulu2046,2019/08/05,He didn’t text back for an hour And I am already so desperate that I want to die,-1.062631578947368,0.5810935263157937,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,87.42105263157896,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.1712947368421056,63,2,17,1,2,22,18,19,0.321,0.606,0.073,-0.7452,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5382169454758344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375030614585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5061818114171046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803111300890262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28767299113709144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TrashKnife,2019/09/26,"What medical prescriptions do you have? Not so long ago my therapist told me to see a psychiatrist again as it seems like I could use another medicational plan. I've been on my current medications since the time I was diagnosed with bpd but lately it's been tough for me and I had bad thoughts and in the end impulses started to get me, very destructive ones. 

What meds do you take and how much of them have you tried before finding the ""right ones""?",5.255517241379311,6.421527367816093,5.7983333333333364,79.31750000000002,68.42528735632183,10.397701149425288,30.59195402298851,10.504223727775694,3.1544574712643683,359,14,72,10,6,116,68,87,0.14,0.841,0.019,-0.9193,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,9,4,0,2,0,12,17,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,6,1,12,1,8,10,1,11,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,9,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536070054309267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837792772425556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633787372220788,0.0,0.0,0.14913650500585188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207385022831102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993380788632773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788897229621015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523162247301447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018785209465472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915680526310981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770509429350844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562499382938259,0.0,0.0,0.15510286456383568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467846696793628,0.5296792352890888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288389899947132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752644606286824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967424728106998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966248219640448,0.15955349547843298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497994871062858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240525531689686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177649505854416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349467109006592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391398054010434,0.10219767638948624,0.0,0.0,0.16747198182362907,0.0,0.11899255174763125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137156952514005,0.0,0.14461091253247138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TerribleThnx4Askin,2019/09/26,"BPD with stable identity? This is a throwaway. 

I have always identified with many of the symptoms of BPD, but something that always kind of reassured me that I don’t have it is the shifting identity piece. 

I have had extremely low self-esteem and struggled with worthlessness since I was a teenager. However, my interests, core values, tastes, appearance, beliefs, and overall sense of “me” has always been stable and has not changed so much as it has evolved over time. I have never so much as even changed my hair color beyond highlights. 

I have always been proud of being me, having individuality, and would consider myself an independent person. In the past year, I was coming to grow out of the “I’m worthless”belief i have had for most of my life after making some huge accomplishments and keeping my head above water, even while being beaten down and mentally broken on a daily basis at work. The workplace abuse would definitely get to me and make me cry my eyes out at least once a week, but I felt confident that i was good at my job and didn’t let it define how I felt about myself.

 Is this possible with BPD?",7.390032051282048,7.651215375,7.565192307692309,71.69647435897437,63.519230769230774,10.394871794871797,32.717948717948715,10.125756701596842,3.2877006410256406,890,32,153,18,12,289,125,208,0.10400000000000001,0.753,0.142,0.7738,2,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,7,9,1,1,10,0,27,7,3,4,1,32,36,16,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,15,2,1,3,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,10,6,24,5,28,21,6,22,1,2,2,0,2,12,0,3,7,121,32,4,0.0,0.14787956312929718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154080165865784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471581867184028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640650797994457,0.10751285241876396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370980376752972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648717920320624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967454371666755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520812754691874,0.0,0.0,0.10468479294390284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809117354376015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385476885788048,0.11093695435429146,0.0,0.1299705161307659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762678661032156,0.08815706692551277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662342603301386,0.12653785487007024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577922832194616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349957329415129,0.0,0.09626124584524144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329186864897251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914536601071025,0.0,0.10897936791727247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407046382348861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020415765368207,0.0,0.0,0.1032442070746594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608491507198302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047861898724752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297254861040051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277777484088478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011513631461624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086324157167963,0.0,0.0,0.17732303259670015,0.0,0.0,0.08037361436626342
bpd,puddleofplatypus,2019/09/26,Serious question: should I section myself? As the title says. I’ve attacked myself with a corkscrew and I’m bleeding everywhere (though not seriously). I’m so confused because my brain tells me I’m being over dramatic but I seriously wondering if I should section myself for my own safety. I have taken serious steps to harm myself before.,4.1607494145199055,7.311459360655736,5.798735362997661,69.00967213114757,78.34426229508195,8.075878220140515,33.304449648711945,8.841846274778883,3.954815456674473,275,15,38,7,7,93,44,61,0.21600000000000005,0.725,0.06,-0.7714,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,10,9,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,1,11,0,5,5,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,0,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918552344401723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997011127602952,0.0,0.29309681773748353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845138687627264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858565615775647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739160145446197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30105959054563897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384148774697267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735352624385327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,-TheFalcon-,2019/09/26,BPD and it's TRUE effects I cant discuss my feelings without it being my bpd. Wife hasn't texted me in two weeks we been busy but when I tell her it's my abandonment issues and she dont see I genuinely miss her. It's at the point I have to find someone that doesn't know about bpd so when I tell them I miss them its genuine.,0.3660665362035225,2.06235691780822,2.216868884540119,97.7431506849315,82.56164383561644,5.267318982387477,21.38747553816047,6.1826913282559595,-0.0018908023483366065,257,8,63,2,7,85,51,73,0.069,0.846,0.085,-0.2504,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,2,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,1,11,12,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,2,16,1,5,10,0,6,0,3,1,0,10,3,0,0,3,42,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7415527761490645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300168022256092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923561903174342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179379288460507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048458249951248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786008732436016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553038213502565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639485986874804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662915772765066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430820838176585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171878914068888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742899045707867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918890629881385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cakes1990,2019/09/26,"People who struggle with BPD and working, what do you work as? I am looking to go back into work following 2 years (!) of therapy, hospital stays and just taking time off. I want to do something part-time, maybe as a shop assistant,as I know a full-time job would be too much for me. What professions do other BPDers have who also find coping with work difficult?",4.611857142857144,5.857216471428576,5.378571428571429,81.43642857142858,70.0,9.028571428571428,28.285714285714285,9.3871,2.454657142857143,283,10,54,6,5,92,54,70,0.083,0.897,0.02,-0.6312,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,13,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,10,11,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,36,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340033384397978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711495234389522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25734287026641794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675129718412087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612381798184908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027631505706263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229284827189848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158332999202072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527406778462406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020395238951798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126637269985888,0.0,0.14165470632125182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730100893137086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778553639516587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360708281096855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362857463135438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23366588302119445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914479397390225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051743653820007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5950103432278596,0.0,0.0,0.14514813232303372,0.0,0.0,0.1315799740448606
bpd,sourmysoup,2019/09/26,"DAE jump to conclusions super quickly? DAE have issues with jumping to conclusions? Not even in relationships, just in general. This morning I woke up with some small rashes on my areolas and like, almost IMMEDIATELY concluded that I have breast cancer. I made a post in r/offmychest about it and I messaged my 3 closest friends with the news and upon talking to my gf I realized I had made a big stretch with rashes=cancer. Needless to say now I feel like a certified clown and I can't believe I took up my gf's time with my craziness. My 2 other friends have yet to read the messages but I know when they do it's going to be a roller coaster of emotions for them. I feel awful now.",3.0420343137254946,5.0647234485294135,4.534411764705883,82.73901960784316,75.54411764705881,7.180392156862746,29.715686274509807,8.07648339933343,2.208095098039216,543,25,103,9,12,181,88,136,0.069,0.847,0.084,-0.2047,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,4,8,5,0,0,6,1,7,3,2,3,0,25,15,6,0,0,3,0,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,7,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,3,19,5,21,9,1,22,0,0,0,1,11,11,0,2,8,72,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235297391810534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515005486600221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511004909526581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474394230159122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22574070201804966,0.15947351596200895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449294747508503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686512995657284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329911416437788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267980020631827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181150134095221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224458412856122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378989784846555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328755199509576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396624117568476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751918424023475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794215222994495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301655425548515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480135700867361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Extremist-YT,2019/09/26,"""You need Dialectical Behavioral Therapy BUT we cant give that to you for 4 months and then we'll just keep making excuses as to why you arent getting it"" I go into my psych visits twice a month now and visit my actual doctor another 3. 6 months ago i was told i need DBT to cope with my BPD. Yet every psych visit goes the same. I tell them how i feel, how my bpd symptoms make me feel like dying and they just nod and give me my prescription. As i leave i ask ""When do i start dbt?"" And always get told ""Our specialist still has the one paitent sorry.""

So basically the paitent their seeing now is more important than me and you dont give a rats ass what happens to me because you barely give me 5 minutes to talk and when i do open up you say 2 sentences, roll your eyes and hand my my quatiapine prescription? 

I dont know if im overreacting or my psychologists are just awful...",2.9007142857142867,4.182687313186818,4.781098901098903,83.93890109890113,74.21978021978022,8.276923076923078,24.538461538461537,8.841846274778883,1.6424461538461537,689,21,147,14,14,236,115,182,0.008,0.9009999999999999,0.091,0.9363,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,7,3,0,12,1,0,0,5,1,11,5,3,4,0,29,32,19,1,3,6,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,12,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,6,36,1,12,28,2,19,0,0,2,1,27,3,1,2,13,94,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.12234545754089073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111351410290264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431994866576656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146397913479296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720634692292504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642590155356979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158045052064513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301168428801397,0.0,0.0,0.12832404813577145,0.0,0.0,0.2938712310939826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563172362073456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267841881595598,0.08956612641603848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310038949018223,0.4810748364015096,0.07125207090928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108664720616732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354237949255697,0.0,0.0,0.11143682279866804,0.0,0.0,0.06890143750634485,0.0,0.0,0.1327513564136083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125066205013985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737421095633007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30021335778039115,0.0,0.0,0.1859242140943961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495563868160584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970123001941364,0.0,0.0,0.09990563637459976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403442295547016,0.08873928827078187,0.0,0.10012262632654496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031001339080722,0.0,0.1007696522591181,0.10958107555866096,0.0,0.14337435984673258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23959755914227626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312916484659848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jennamay22,2019/09/26,"What was your first week & month on Abilify like? I’m starting at 1mg tonight and just wanting to hear everyone’s experience with Abilify, I know my own experience might vary but I’d like to hear from y’all",2.456395348837209,4.556072720930231,4.24436046511628,83.77956395348839,77.6046511627907,8.951162790697676,29.3546511627907,9.516144504307137,2.8477488372093016,169,8,36,5,4,57,36,43,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,2,6,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,7,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689427583651673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718175357648105,0.0,0.4856072453948882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113305130262724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5595166621571701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641344119028356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425323443991504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633187595451523,0.0,0.0,0.1981242516279951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756891019970258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640467754277886,0.0,0.19910451459937012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ventbpd,2019/09/26,"Throw away So I literally sucked my boyfriends dick and wanted to because I knew it wouldn't lead to him having sex with me. Which I knew would end in me dying in a fetal position crying. I did it for self harm. I pleasured him at my own expense. I used him to hurt my own self image. I felt like a worthless whore which I am. I feel if he had sex with me I'd feel instantly better, but he chooses not me. If he wanted to have sex with me my heart wouldn't be able to contain the happiness. Am I broke or just really fucked up? This has been a long cycle with the tow of us where if I don't get my needs met, I break down and want to die.",0.473258241758245,2.0732831500000017,2.6014285714285745,95.5928021978022,81.78571428571429,5.736263736263738,18.62637362637363,6.67199483983844,-0.16709890109890058,491,11,120,5,13,166,87,140,0.20800000000000002,0.711,0.08199999999999999,-0.9627,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,2,3,11,2,0,5,0,13,7,2,2,0,29,27,8,2,10,7,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,6,0,1,2,4,7,0,0,7,3,26,4,18,16,2,12,0,3,0,6,10,7,3,4,3,80,31,1,0.18812589619996808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675047220568316,0.0,0.0,0.11467980020206155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638206730007607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066474632641264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39048995801399145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666237053088642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902442113388424,0.0,0.1806303624320965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739193596165654,0.09828801615445984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002635146916914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293009278783665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013926627943979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190881027723953,0.0,0.0,0.16648549816026004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949296829770105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051826634458306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39251267693999775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262922897979082,0.16248037217469527,0.0,0.0,0.33288458325792264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336392390648076,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Imthetruth13,2019/09/26,Acid trip I recently got 2 hits of acid and I really want to take them soon. I love psychedelics to dig deeper into myself and get a better perspective on life. Has anyone with BPD done acid before and how did you feel afterwards? Even a small change is a good change :),2.7100000000000013,4.927347169811323,3.460981132075472,89.12883018867926,77.30188679245283,7.258867924528303,18.147169811320754,8.238735603445708,0.6835464150943396,212,4,43,4,5,67,43,53,0.0,0.742,0.258,0.9273,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,8,11,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,3,6,7,0,7,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038802099386872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195249076829324,0.0,0.0,0.2281653895630588,0.0,0.0,0.32492111394099743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5458245483039657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26400663100684457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703956302785529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044417976234635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478570052153868,0.0,0.0,0.2163842711285292,0.20633292572746334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222133449438205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328401286654377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652707989280026,0.0,0.2547275255269868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397144187717286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216531815614656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_kaetee,2019/09/26,"the stigma against BPD has me feeling hopeless. I just stumbled upon a certain subreddit and I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this devastated and kicked into the ground. (I’m not going to name the sub directly and I would appreciate it if anyone who knows what I’m referring to refrained from looking it up or posting, as neither of those things will be productive. I’m just venting my frustrations here and the last thing I want is for other people with or without BPD to feel how I do right now.) What apparently was originally supposed to be a support sub for children of abusive BPD parents has apparently turned into a place to villainize ALL people with BPD and tell the word how we’re all on the level with sociopathic murderers and serial abusers. Do the people on that sub not realize BPD in itself is the result of child abuse or neglect? My low emotional intelligence is a largely a result of being the daughter of an abusive alcoholic and being repeatedly molested by a family member at a young age. I am aware that I’m not “normal” and  I struggle every day to keep my emotions in check and make sure my illness isn’t weighing down the lives of my friends and family. I rarely ask for help with anything anymore because I don’t want to interfere with other people’s lives, and whenever I get upset about something I ask my therapist whether it’s actually worth being upset about because I’m horrified that casually bringing up a small issue I have with someone will lead to them seeing me as an aggressive confrontational monster and hating me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that myself and so many others work our asses off every day to try to live normal lives and uplift others instead of bringing them down with us, and it’s incredibly disheartening to see an entire group of people decide that anyone with BPD deserves to be mocked and ridiculed and seen as less than human. I was having an alright day until now, right now I’m really feeling like there’s no point in trying at all because no matter what I do my diagnosis will always cause a massive group of people to view me as the devil himself. Finding that sub just really made me feel hopeless about my entire life and I don’t know where to go from here.",10.31835142118863,7.683381041860467,10.301550387596901,63.75428940568476,59.51162790697675,12.811369509043928,41.79586563307494,11.095144083064902,4.69733850129199,1808,77,305,35,18,604,219,430,0.174,0.75,0.075,-0.9944,3,0,2,0,2,3,18.0,2,0,2,2,17,25,9,3,25,1,28,5,1,9,5,79,62,31,1,6,12,2,5,1,1,4,3,1,0,3,24,28,2,4,12,1,2,5,11,18,0,0,5,11,35,7,64,47,5,44,1,5,5,1,20,24,1,5,15,223,59,2,0.0,0.3389766737500269,0.06979704404966154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643733572827298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595136443856069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709325254219844,0.10002239808160376,0.0,0.058858105064576324,0.0,0.13373045021054655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308009825085682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404913612001301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347478441057467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838106500875494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090960220319456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052400170450014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485280272029684,0.0,0.1446586043101073,0.051096714144277966,0.06867419497699316,0.0,0.06537158170630397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525921550346597,0.0,0.03736830449991855,0.0,0.08129740215688185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879167914486256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061507911885642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794098661721652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465240664510882,0.0,0.06357376061169565,0.0,0.0,0.07861536938726202,0.11660310796745554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051947118588783,0.034942982298755955,0.0,0.2526277833440223,0.0,0.060062092446696164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767767758613989,0.04774278264884431,0.07251404494246548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015654255162616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941886660154956,0.0,0.0,0.29751414896676553,0.0,0.07472728998925278,0.0,0.06761323806573064,0.0,0.06850015961208146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916401297079657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102267668986908,0.12216210102726645,0.0,0.05687870463964419,0.0,0.0,0.11399063345718133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060601998838871886,0.055062620248913084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477234738163728,0.0,0.0,0.08116451493565514,0.06741046319563485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625150725781614,0.0,0.0,0.08304480236179904,0.09503464984576604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041706182241222786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568017269653086,0.0777975037142599,0.0,0.0,0.08603448845547121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437334110642135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894652193228039,0.0,0.05207027722820458,0.0,0.0,0.05080855198728661,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,4723985throwaway,2019/09/26,"Splitting + fear of abandonment = recipe for disaster The more important the relationship is to me, the more idealization/devaluation swings take place. One moment I absolutely love this person, the next I'm thinking terrible things about them. One website put it very aptly: ""idealization when the person's needs are being met, and devaluation when they're being frustrated"". For me, the need that triggers that is the need to feel loved and needed and desired, and if someone gives me that one moment and then the next they don't (in my warped view of it), they jump from amazing to straight up evil in my mind. More love? Amazing again.

The need to constantly have affirmation, especially from romantic partners, is tied to fear of abandonment. This is also why I never really realized that this way of thinking qualifies as splitting - most definitions presuppose that devaluation means starting fights or being mean, and I never do that. I just think the worst things about the person in my head, but remain perfectly normal on the outside because - fear of abandonment. Every aspect of my behavior when I'm with someone important must be carefully calculated and I can never be myself because that's the highway to Abandon Town. If I ever slip and am less than perfect (which starting a fight, even if I hate the other person at that moment, certainly qualifies as), the other person is going to go through the same devaluation pattern that I go through - and obviously, they'll get rid of me immediately. 

It's like I don't believe that other people can have an actual lasting affection for me and *not* go through the same swings I do. It's all momentary and can be gone in a flash, they can start devaluing me any second now, so I must do all I can to prevent that, and if I ""fail"" (= the other person takes a short break from showering me with affection and reaffirming my value to them, which clearly means they want nothing to do with me anymore), then it's simultaneously my own fault for being unlovable and their fault for being too selfish to take care of me properly and too stupid to realize what a catch I am.

Whew. Sorry about this. I've just never really been able to put this into words before, so this is somewhat cathartic.",7.69147810218978,8.136806642335769,8.027922749391728,68.00786952554746,62.86861313868613,11.132238442822382,35.61648418491484,10.864195022040775,4.087229440389295,1794,76,298,44,24,590,200,411,0.13699999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.149,0.4270000000000001,1,0,0,0,2,0,56.0,0,0,8,4,17,32,6,3,23,0,34,4,1,3,14,74,69,31,0,15,9,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,7,31,19,0,5,9,0,0,9,7,20,0,4,3,2,38,12,49,55,12,45,0,5,1,3,23,12,0,7,23,232,69,3,0.08273439166350753,0.0,0.08073683168410624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616266312219457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626222341436339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820502851359808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086823449042806,0.0,0.07040087362976462,0.09321332775488267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687064525182084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894064854571417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464528540711538,0.07483799389295574,0.06970729328155803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279297576454489,0.041832994315392835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322530490809494,0.0793663673230905,0.18807944558870165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816830832137024,0.08490935471933153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743957161791707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040419844691245835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240130559278865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703660208187561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353815065624255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30673251547410296,0.25523945305742873,0.0,0.17597792827069922,0.0,0.08106213765561171,0.07938588016001794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818889492223527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057357609948063736,0.4334428775179411,0.08643983017072991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634183002827307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060035396696369,0.0,0.0,0.08882577416487263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020116314648226,0.0,0.0,0.09261437790288572,0.1756794847530227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661789832662054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993010711594442,0.15903857252897635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826453776883122,0.048798887777310215,0.0656707091335467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465491996489232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,the-tiny-bean,2019/09/26,"BPD and Gender Identity When I was diagnosed with BPD, one of the symptoms that stuck out to me the most was 'struggling with identity/sense of self'. Not only because I tend to change who I am depending on who I'm around, but also because of my gender identity. (I've identified as nonbinary for over a decade and I've recently been questioning my identity again.) With my diagnosis I'm starting to wonder if it's even real or if it's just a part of my BPD. 

Does anyone else deal with anything like this?",3.7071000000000014,5.41041611,5.4510000000000005,78.24550000000002,72.9,9.4,29.5,9.827888789773867,3.0632,401,17,76,11,8,137,66,100,0.055999999999999994,0.909,0.035,0.0286,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,4,2,0,1,0,19,10,9,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,8,1,17,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,7,5,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434061663581762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746170459475735,0.17212442112020035,0.13824050378120278,0.1495456855069865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480887831530936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6347281991130804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770992081460465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173189120228026,0.0,0.17050513897636652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470081681080807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033312203172513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095504611526932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207086298986077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383358724754013,0.12776308457059246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191554600893406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818594962645271,0.0,0.0,0.1912080801763708,0.0,0.0,0.16586871562065328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524899970826593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890336733874488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561841244463858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460472911213934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821767337415902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,femanimal13,2019/09/26,"Diagnosed yesterday (F/29) Saw a thread today about how specifically the women they have met that had BPD were “either abusive and cheat” and “abusive succubus.” Made me feel like absolute shit, made me wonder if these women were actually diagnosed. Needed to just get that off my chest.",8.748707482993197,9.867033530612249,8.118775510204085,65.94646258503404,60.63265306122449,11.431292517006804,34.70068027210884,11.20814326018867,4.338586394557823,229,9,34,6,3,72,41,49,0.248,0.711,0.040999999999999995,-0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,4,4,2,3,0,11,12,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,2,4,1,3,5,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,2,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.5194395243613305,0.21391055002043569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760785597007777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449729498952662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083564509962104,0.1565986980632381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452454294799695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709153467248417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41483043970333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625362792311151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250087741031288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077788544829513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23771635008172975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tree-in-forest,2019/09/26,What does it feel like to live in the same area with someone who hates you? If any of you have people living in your area that hate you how does that make you feel? Do you worry about run ins with them?,2.9336434108527136,3.6032603488372095,2.897674418604652,99.81689922480624,73.4186046511628,5.7333333333333325,16.65891472868217,3.1291,-1.1426527131782946,157,1,39,0,3,47,33,43,0.195,0.757,0.049,-0.8196,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,6,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,7,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,8,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563849488422512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520431760870828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611871238696968,0.1845144831886581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099938439153466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618201439959714,0.0,0.4561299651402197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240315769749814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790580547668596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883885653352345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622947393830756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pizzadelivery6,2019/09/26,"Unemployed I had an episode with a co-worker (that was also my boyfriend) and the security at work got involved. I resigned because I was worried I was going to get fired, but now I don't have a job. 

One of the worst things about having an episode is as soon as everything calms down, I'm always left thinking, ""what did I just do....."".",7.873681592039803,5.516206716417916,7.914029850746273,78.10099502487564,63.92537313432835,10.724378109452736,38.75124378109453,8.841846274778883,3.21943184079602,258,11,54,3,3,84,53,67,0.168,0.7609999999999999,0.071,-0.7506,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,15,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,6,1,7,2,8,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,42,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24828060821811426,0.2583336860268841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925800011192298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790280133180573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220636362799534,0.0,0.17644573593510635,0.0,0.24830908211682906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080909148935068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373236578215795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038069487269048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626069574785144,0.19893492620708966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520478215599581,0.3152946397221864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayb041919,2019/09/26,"Boyfriends ex has BPD and she scares me Throwaway account for safety/security. If this isn’t allowed please delete. 

I don’t have bpd, and I’d like to understand more, so I thought maybe I could find some advice here. 

My boyfriend is an amazing human being. Probably the most kind hearted, sweet, just generally good person I have ever met. Before me, he dated a coworker with BPD. Severe and as far as I know, at the time, untreated. She had extremely unhealthy attachment issues, coupled with her rage, which lead to the breakup. 

I did not know about her / her bpd / her existence until about 3 months into us dating, due to him disclosing to me he was speaking to an ex he broke up with over a year ago that he managed to stay friends with because they worked together. She was just released from inpatient care due to a suicide attempt. (I’m not sure if it’s related, but I found out her attempt was the day after my boyfriend and I locked things down and became exclusive) 

Knowing how my boyfriend is, I was understanding they talked. I was understanding the two times they hung out, because the girl legitimately has no friends (also a factor in their breakup) things were fine and most times I forgot she existed. 

That is until my boyfriend and I went from new stages of dating, to starting to get really serious about each other and our future together. I noticed right around the time it was made pretty public we’ve been spending time with each other’s family as well, things changed. I’m talking constant 1am “are you awake. I’m not ok. Please call me.” Texts, crawling all over his social media when I never saw her pop up before (I did my research ok, at the time I thought it was more of an annoyance other mixed in with her not being over him) 

The texting became incessant. I’m talking I couldn’t be in my boyfriends presence without her name popping up on his screen. (We live together and he’s very open with his phone, I have never snooped nor would I ever, it’s just she contacts him so much it’s impossible to miss it) I did a quick look at her Instagram and I noticed in times I was posting happy relationships things she would post something about how she wasnt ok and she hated her life. There’s videos of her sobbing saying she’s going to end it all. 

My boyfriend and I talked about it and he straight up said he was worried about what cutting contact off would mean. (Let me preface this by never once did I think there was a cheating opportunity / he was inappropriate, I was just getting extremely annoyed about how attached and dependent she is) how she has no friends and things could be really bad since she’s new out of treatment and he doesn’t want to be her emotional crutch and limits contact as much as possible (to his credit, I very very rarely see him answer her back) 

Well he had a big day a few days ago, and the ex makes this big Facebook post almost exactly mirroring mine. She even used the same amount of pictures. She had all these hearts, the entire thing was GROSSLY INAPPROPRIATE. It literally seemed like a delusional girlfriend post. Not a friend, not an ex. This lead to a side conversation with our friend group about the situation. I found out more about her obsessive actions. One of the girls who suffers from mental illness as well said she doesn’t take this subject lightly because of her own struggles, but the ex absolutely terrifies her. Everyone is on the same page that were all pretty sure my boyfriend is just pacifying her because of suicide threats. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if she did anything it would DESTROY him with guilt and that terrifies me. It scares me that she might snap and hurt him. It scares me that she could try and hurt me. 

I know an engagement is eminent. We’ve talked about having kids. I’m scared of what us moving forward could do. 

I’m afraid of her, but at the same time I feel awful for what she must be going through. I want to handle this correctly and I just don’t know how.",4.112815898012748,6.090339587926514,4.51979377577803,84.20085301837271,72.41207349081364,7.515260592425946,28.761904761904763,8.269060116576782,2.033557405324335,3154,127,599,51,63,994,334,762,0.174,0.74,0.085,-0.9977,1,0,1,0,0,2,81.0,5,1,4,7,38,50,8,9,35,4,64,4,2,12,14,129,109,46,2,15,19,5,1,2,6,6,2,4,0,5,39,41,0,2,19,1,3,8,20,25,3,2,36,11,107,25,88,55,21,84,0,6,4,0,105,34,1,11,40,420,146,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478056373658794,0.09938649122066574,0.0,0.05613535738064592,0.0,0.0,0.04483065480861385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04613208172465421,0.04990472109604541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310619218517888,0.046807229084001874,0.13669307697736174,0.0,0.0954047831506374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28241923655767937,0.0,0.0572428805909357,0.0,0.057156259889820586,0.0,0.05930337611671744,0.0,0.0,0.06058025928880605,0.0,0.1790353689234464,0.06202862231258341,0.0,0.10846096035753376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305924146704266,0.0496519590544865,0.0,0.0,0.0370266825940805,0.10141781217566463,0.0,0.05356712667050861,0.0,0.0,0.05284778119399167,0.0,0.02834529989067157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051237245005363516,0.0,0.0,0.12293240279449237,0.2165566358999567,0.0,0.0585774100342051,0.0,0.06371965927527858,0.04701993655782116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967623762265738,0.0,0.05534701800762868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328612374643392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200254216938181,0.0,0.0,0.05851141351757463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058377203135231676,0.18485256914445425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732449996545,0.03959638814189993,0.05477554920739473,0.0,0.04950144731281353,0.0,0.04707574860360768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530447276532802,0.037420062173296915,0.0,0.05631916812850218,0.06106508403850418,0.0,0.0,0.056494655715265164,0.05947012843350124,0.0,0.0,0.04474605117562009,0.059582234344656884,0.08242016869920908,0.0,0.12970931723709436,0.10828497019580446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764791970525913,0.0,0.05970139530623968,0.03798727729049357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894887615938158,0.0,0.12307269931062667,0.0,0.06319851219212687,0.21475750589723105,0.1140650580392043,0.06044147821111988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182613079893614,0.0,0.0,0.060186779548743324,0.0,0.047874392337828524,0.10665058923481954,0.04458065797309782,0.2245008203669612,0.0,0.0446720567432665,0.05103434144594179,0.0,0.06333112701773011,0.0,0.046372886931289284,0.06301307628071046,0.0,0.05714546400648327,0.0,0.043157238829036736,0.0,0.0,0.039679107854592575,0.05975182531611582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860542123076171,0.0,0.1226396953986825,0.0,0.10567057820926827,0.0,0.042149666625613,0.2252919748611426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346011115454853,0.03592057821258563,0.0,0.08900974956726762,0.2615093374772426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806062974178692,0.0,0.054761854925608165,0.17507933141877635,0.13486502999755334,0.048417293154184325,0.0,0.13876454410844816,0.06613053313614307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121230772282046,0.05196759400033853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403922842777503,0.0,0.040811886177467865,0.056931007450948985,0.0,0.15929186099465667,0.0,0.0,0.03610039378355191
bpd,MadebyMattel,2019/09/26,"DAE take celebrity crushes too seriously? I don’t stalk or stan or anything of the like, but after finding a celebrity crush  has a partner I get heartbroken and jealous. You won’t see me on Instagram or twitter bashing their current partner. It’s super dumb. I know the odds of meeting Ville Valo is super slim to nonexistent, the chances of him wanting me the way I want him are even lower. I don’t know if it’s out of boredom because I’m not actively seeking sex or relationships while I’m recovering from BPD. I’ve been like this since I was 11 (I’m 22 now), but I hate it so much, I’m just setting myself up for depression. First it was Joey Fatone and now after getting into HIM it’s Ville.

It’s almost like finding your crush on high school dating someone else and not you. That age regression hits me hard. I just want to listen to the music without getting too attached or at least crush but not be crushed. 

Like the dude is a sex god lemme hit, damn. I guess it makes HIM songs extra sad/deep for me lmao. If his girl makes him happy truly I’m happy for them.",2.0557450076804926,4.205008737327192,3.5570506912442386,87.96509984639017,79.13824884792626,5.792319508448544,26.00153609831029,6.868970318607317,1.15582089093702,844,34,168,9,21,278,131,217,0.191,0.62,0.18899999999999997,0.3591,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,2,3,8,14,4,0,9,0,11,2,0,2,0,32,33,15,0,5,16,0,1,4,2,1,0,2,0,3,9,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,4,25,8,20,26,3,18,0,1,1,2,17,7,2,9,13,103,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353239933234312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343910569495983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955288383866093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568451652812156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065954483048365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364254041256244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078653904858674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29852663283462283,0.1389122727586147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559698073518653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990550371090036,0.0,0.0,0.3476952415350566,0.14629459907748266,0.16123582485284915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725470622245364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795029346059578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31914206676879325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180227520017362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005239273140493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533492128592454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527947406192506,0.130137741402456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350925658568228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837289984580214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278956500812015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889752178706819,0.1296286885757847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742599842981406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Helipilot22,2019/09/26,"26 years old and feeling like it's the end. The end of all opportunity. I've had a long life. Hiding from feelings, people, situations. Probably misdiagnosed with ASD ""Autism Spectrum Disorder"". Making school very difficult. Secluded from most social interaction. Not to say I wasn't a strange kid, it would have been better for me.

I wonder if BPD developed as a result of my life experiences. Had 12 jobs since 2012 and on my 13th. Reasons for leaving range from termination, laid off, too personality conflict and micromanagement. Longest job I've had was at an airport because I enjoy being around aircraft.

Before I spill that story I need to fill in a little. I had another airport job I loved dearly but lost due to taking photo's at work. It, at the time, was my only therapy as I was going through some bureaucratic BS with another airport. The big factor was my stress from home as my mother was becoming addicted to heroin. I was 22 at the time. Once fired I left for Florida as I had the money to move.

Long story short, the job in FL also sucked as did my living situation. To give an idea, I got home from work to a hooker and heroin on the counter top. Seems like the fortune follows me. I then moved back home, intending to stay at my mothers, till one day at a friends house I was told she was arrested. My friends mother allowed me to stay there. I got a job, the longest one I've had, then enrolled in school.

I did well my first semester then dropped when my employer continued to give me 16 hour shifts on a part time schedule. I could also chock it up to sexual frustration and a quickly deteriorating self-esteem. Skip past 4 years, 5 jobs, and 2 moves. I'm back with my mother. She has been sober for 3 years so there's no worry there. But obviously I'm not feeling good about being right back where I left 4 years prior.

Now I'm stuck with low hours, zero job prospects thanks to the area, and little ability to make a move. The mental pain has started to take a noticeable tool on my mental and physical heath. My body has been aching, gaining weight, eating more, and becoming more self-conscious than I use to be.

I'm seeing like like a set of chains hooked up to every limb is a dirty building. Now I've added the fact that the chains retract, pulling on your limbs. Hell, or a loaded shotgun and you never know when the trigger will be pulled. It's either wake up or die. Obviously, being in a better place is what I dream of with no perceivable means of escape in sight. But I guess that's where people with BPD suffer with the most. This goes deeper than any philosophical catchphrase can attempt to mend.",3.0642058823529403,5.360492249019612,4.333357843137257,82.91886029411766,76.50980392156862,7.151960784313728,25.134803921568626,8.144726394080802,1.6610098039215688,2077,74,394,37,48,682,273,510,0.155,0.736,0.109,-0.9883,9,0,0,1,0,0,67.0,0,2,0,10,20,24,3,1,33,0,35,9,2,8,5,57,67,30,1,4,9,4,5,4,2,2,4,2,3,2,10,18,2,1,10,1,1,9,6,9,1,4,25,9,42,15,69,34,8,82,1,3,2,1,19,34,2,9,39,243,52,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185329579295914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054188522609899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044822100094728264,0.13822797070788093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058675235090912374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204569255912626,0.0,0.04017905646397075,0.14558821130830304,0.05608585678084031,0.0,0.0,0.1165867827614468,0.0,0.07321285030951202,0.1660265275035368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262499283862287,0.0,0.0,0.0425074836434578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840576127623775,0.0,0.07554032283110834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744394925720054,0.0,0.0,0.1167561026797207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553330613665236,0.0,0.0,0.0644741230403642,0.0,0.0,0.09998054883064124,0.047087209668134566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606431311173517,0.0,0.0,0.10184616800059802,0.0,0.0,0.12645668956631953,0.03745904100630347,0.05528346358614486,0.10543094215292087,0.0,0.0726089804037624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834391381528932,0.0,0.12981915889552104,0.07605305530672107,0.0,0.0744060937477938,0.0,0.0,0.4578491572750133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03622325274207867,0.0,0.0,0.0697907926054676,0.14322613877596976,0.0,0.09311052469386913,0.12880417549242287,0.13212133578319754,0.05820108788564912,0.1166592585481874,0.0,0.0,0.07195022020971091,0.0,0.0594877285088023,0.0,0.0879929151756643,0.0,0.0,0.07179697798350147,0.0,0.0,0.13284663785992049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802140984365994,0.0,0.04887256377919167,0.05083503467685172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504071291328683,0.06916306243846053,0.07019362753490457,0.08932671605132016,0.050128688084213634,0.07013451423359987,0.0,0.0,0.07137576314943052,0.06292001271703937,0.09138951069716034,0.05755140501757582,0.06886351951555925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106377644019625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776802962184435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056288085847638565,0.0,0.05241549355710864,0.0,0.1334119729054109,0.05252295522023158,0.060003380768073586,0.1375201995626861,0.0,0.0,0.054522698109083535,0.14817464093052574,0.0,0.0671885036388948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665251965009737,0.14050584075148942,0.0,0.0,0.07550143406757208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911453441455682,0.0,0.0,0.06068248064298781,0.0753755779476108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530062826181588,0.0,0.0,0.06298129077783465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692639886354376,0.0,0.05438391444753627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026248596086685,0.05926238045494892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147824187734908,0.09596875659750932,0.06693635737825257,0.0,0.0468216592872165,0.0,0.0,0.16977945537840286
bpd,LongingforLuck,2019/09/26,"NPD traits in BPD women.... comorbidity or misdiagnosis? (Curious, not an accusatory rant) 

I recently broke up with a friend who was diagnosed with BPD in the past and treated for years. She exhibits a lot of fairly classic traits like many self-injury scars and a sort of vacillating personality, particularly with regards to various alt scenes and political extremes. I haven't known her for that long but it also seems like she ""typed"" herself depending on who she was dating in the past, based on her social media history.

The thing is her most recent persona for the last year or so has become extremely narcissistic, and I can't help but wonder if maybe this is actually her ""true"" self and perhaps a lot of women are misdiagnosed in this way, or these disorders occur together more frequently. She is the clear dominant personality in her new relationship and has become a self-described ""boss baby"" and she seems to want to ""hold court"" over a gaggle of friends. She tends to present herself as very type A and extremely self-possessed.

She started to act very contemptuous of me over time but when I tried to fade on the friendship she started becoming very complimentary and affectionate. On one hand this is very ""i hate you, don't leave me"" on the other hand she exhibits a lot of domineering behaviors, not dependent ones. 

I actually feel kind of bad for her because I recognize a lot of her toxic behaviors stem from a place of inner instability but being around her was not good for me. 

So what's the deal with this? Are BPD and NPD co-occuring a lot? Do BPD suffers often become more NPD-like when they age or their life stabilizes? Are some people, women in particular, misdiagnosed with BPD when they have NPD?",7.478807017543857,8.155247457142861,8.070075187969929,66.73308270676694,63.317460317460316,11.583959899749374,34.99164578111946,11.313756151347434,4.230936507936507,1379,58,236,39,19,459,171,315,0.08199999999999999,0.802,0.11699999999999999,0.8697,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,3,0,8,13,1,0,20,0,18,4,2,3,2,49,27,26,0,2,12,0,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,6,12,16,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,3,3,33,9,42,23,10,39,0,2,0,0,37,17,0,19,22,166,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.15632507310555555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405306558166189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713027812519337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668771519624865,0.048826024634084704,0.3538407427832877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043930865492319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257587581326023,0.0,0.08129616434968592,0.0,0.0,0.09179741855625204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04049914864237509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376456655082164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718106377971113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907861683766641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053686931443375184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834080795129615,0.0,0.06528925983017997,0.0,0.08481052714720957,0.0,0.0,0.056574459090049524,0.11739317194778065,0.0,0.0,0.0708827973197375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404754933119242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120518233368815,0.0804676038090449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735760638641702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855079293150277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529221620051692,0.05552876166464757,0.13987418154700196,0.08368369484414173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817107269050715,0.08599356297700002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583351653055673,0.3342320722515235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164819740706683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338529443668588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05321249197218793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670485746626967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054380200854474384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643516876902731,0.047242934483144684,0.06357679755357748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686113378083063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031589166124503
bpd,zimu_,2019/09/26,"DEA finally leave the pattern with Narcissistic partners and find a truly loving caring SO only to feel empty and fake? 
Me:
One minute: omg this person is so amazing, so kind and generous. He’s the sweetest person on earth. I miss him. I love him. Fuzzy feelings in stomach...
Another minute: I’m trapped in this boring relationship. He’s so ordinary. He doesn’t understand me. I don’t love him. When can I stop pretending? He’s not my type (charming narcissistics are my type) 

I’m like this most of the time. I cannot decide if I love him or not. I feel like everyday I’m brainwashing myself into loving him. But everyone says this is the most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in and I seem much happier than before. 

Please...anyone out there?",1.5449300699300714,4.27952214685315,3.4544440559440583,83.03089685314687,89.76923076923076,6.776083916083918,23.233916083916085,7.908726449838941,1.8541862937062936,589,23,107,14,20,197,90,143,0.106,0.585,0.31,0.9905,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,7,14,0,0,5,0,8,6,1,0,1,23,23,12,0,1,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,7,0,1,7,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,4,18,11,10,22,3,12,0,1,0,5,20,6,0,5,8,65,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414237054211613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027858535126498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250862162529229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987634893520738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329699619533043,0.0,0.14046484818639174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298292778131892,0.10501686573694446,0.0,0.16103137045827226,0.13435538339467576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307793203795178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565182877428474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436335992234373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6633664260246436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108061951456181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961103888294263,0.11180016278755188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256709548784045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315646082872557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690034062790593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382332540608954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228986247812815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571691182450536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530322372250292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,funny_humanist,2019/09/26,"Supporting someone with BPD- ADVICE PLEASE? The person I'm dating has BPD. We've been seeing each other for a while and this is the first time he's had a severe episode with his BPD. It's been building for a while but seems to have reached a crux right now.

I texted him for a bit last night, sent him some voice notes reminding him to count and breathe slowly, and of me singing (I'm not tremendously good but I thought it might be soothing). 

I'm seeing him this afternoon, going to take him back to mine and generally just chill there cause I don't think he's up for anything else. I have checked and he is okay with spending time with me.

From the perspective of anyone else with BPD or more experience supporting someone with BPD is there anything I should do? What would you want from someone if you felt like this?

I know I can't fix it but I want to help as much as I can...",2.824096834264431,4.549404072625698,3.2371843575418997,93.10814152700186,75.31284916201119,6.561042830540037,24.223836126629426,7.3011,0.7841080819366852,695,22,153,8,15,215,106,179,0.03,0.84,0.13,0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,1,5,5,0,0,8,1,17,1,1,1,0,32,34,14,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,8,12,0,0,5,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,6,4,20,5,22,24,5,15,0,0,2,0,14,2,0,5,12,98,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782403054527556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715305170559145,0.11305748037879686,0.18160262143027311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484548288357473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046388597317967,0.0,0.6948536650607252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335068843403115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843516345599501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079347532465108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594474472761743,0.0,0.0,0.09385606994393443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627093810230669,0.09254886641959208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395930292088168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064057426658675,0.0899427107387097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053907080249045315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705445339297445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111339297367197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354763291226347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634557876302,0.0,0.12112137576356635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423068310490612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758551165689871,0.10045037903197,0.0,0.12465401792617233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28047492798941137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25042750974160377,0.0,0.0,0.08296276328163893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070211144634404,0.0,0.08759849572119588,0.12868154719804487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301640607266043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838314045146517,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jacobsjeremy,2019/09/26,"Psychiatrist Recommendations Perth, Western Australia My psychologist is looking to recommend me to a psychiatrist for an official diagnosis and further treatment and I was wondering if anyone in Perth, Western Australia has seen or knows of any good psychiatrists that specialise in BPD for young adults. It would also be preferred if they were female and gay friendly.

Thanks in advance.",9.307580645161286,12.445252016129036,8.468580645161293,56.432870967742005,61.09677419354839,10.766451612903225,44.65806451612904,10.793553405168565,6.134086451612903,323,20,39,9,5,101,51,62,0.0,0.83,0.17,0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,11,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,3,8,6,0,6,0,0,2,1,3,4,0,4,1,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28250614300002724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402325266750904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470113205243851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449252948096145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729319043423967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963021838017796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414537721857966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966538905938263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252392373174813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831011624220713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509495425229121,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thetalkingrock,2019/09/26,"Checking on friend with BPD A friend of mine has BPD and after going through some stress at work has been mostly unresponsive to texts and seems to be isolating herself. It’s been about two and a half weeks since I noticed a change in her behavior. I sent her a text on Sunday just to check on her and told her I understood if she didn’t feel like talking as she previously mentioned she was struggling with being social. I was thinking of checking in again in a day or two but as I’m not well-versed in the ins and outs of BPD I wanted to ensure that I’m not doing anything to exacerbate her condition. For those of you with it, how often do you self-isolate? When you do self-isolate do you like it when people check on you or do you prefer to be given space? What are some ways friends helped you cope with hard times? Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a great day! I’ve only recently begun to browse this sub and it’s been a great way to educate myself on BPD and understand what it’s like for people living with it.",4.32069058903182,4.9751983507109045,5.051838185511173,85.68726303317537,70.23222748815165,7.9243060257278275,26.445836154366962,7.957251820313856,1.3871703452945163,816,24,171,10,14,264,118,211,0.025,0.794,0.182,0.9894,0,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,8,0,1,7,12,0,2,8,0,18,0,0,1,1,35,32,17,0,4,7,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,11,14,0,0,6,1,4,2,3,2,0,3,10,2,25,10,37,19,4,28,0,0,0,0,26,13,0,9,14,126,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961042860760569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5883475899813029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235432785716052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063361219348087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905011670325059,0.08343138516403986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27068391596655955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663717323684914,0.0,0.0,0.2575122367170458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046166189942036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782786718596265,0.0,0.0,0.11599407537489426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711660796846488,0.0,0.10312348968173836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296074807102928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882042305752393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192833511831226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168168246649582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531131659000016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631687898451804,0.2436649106713703,0.0,0.0,0.09660594157483082,0.0,0.0,0.11904782562398547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377707599420213,0.1220892697014132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386753683445384,0.0,0.1075201408390246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483125398858385,0.0,0.0,0.06809840148358656,0.0,0.0,0.11159328331510547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816438257602265,0.12157753363557595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888294910265827,0.18539734493231155,0.09367805985058406,0.0,0.10500393895331428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502103173910573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iwrotehaikuz,2019/09/26,"Can someone please give me quick coping skills on how to not relapse from a target behavior? Hello all, I'm straight up having a bad time. Can someone please give me some coping skills that helped you with some target behaviors no matter what they are, Itd really mean a lot.",4.745943396226417,6.373122415094342,4.9397641509434,83.24662735849058,70.1320754716981,7.564150943396226,24.57075471698113,8.07648339933343,1.43606037735849,220,6,40,3,4,69,42,53,0.10300000000000001,0.759,0.13699999999999998,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,8,4,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,2,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431341418812547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924532700181147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204425184504782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182164260224331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795949878701457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635054861990109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443296923021786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349608252243985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966961314950505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spacebitch666,2019/09/26,"morning routine - wake up, lie in bed for an hour or two scrolling social media
- something reminds me of something that happened years ago, wishes I could go back in time before I made a mistake
- wants to go back even further in time, wants to start over
- maybe summon courage to get up and brush my teeth/take a shower/get ready for day
- doesn’t take shower but instead looks at closer for hours because I hate all my clothes
- looks in mirror, hates self even more
- makes toast",13.249523809523804,7.583173879120885,10.503736263736263,73.78293040293042,57.46153846153846,12.133333333333333,44.61904761904761,3.1291,3.462337728937728,377,13,72,0,3,110,69,91,0.114,0.83,0.055999999999999994,-0.8151,2,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,3,0,2,1,1,2,1,11,17,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,3,6,1,15,15,2,22,0,0,2,0,2,10,0,1,10,38,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165057244538835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630972737053032,0.0,0.10428773125168984,0.0,0.1455750152875292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136592085361629,0.0,0.0,0.11033133728189172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259911801767456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876268001718745,0.0,0.19445545740549924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128395750865306,0.0,0.0,0.3378087649906626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369552882944568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873253351174892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187840450004726,0.11419607996670128,0.0,0.17187112617493236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847195623586365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174392761487057,0.0,0.2634088352733748,0.0,0.0,0.1210900867183459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862957517967752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951424102590648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711862036061034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181280339092028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967315783783776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016880293367727
bpd,Direct_Towel,2019/09/26,"DAE feel like they just can't do what they want to definitely not something unique but its been kicking my ass lately, not being able to act on my personal desires.

I cant ever just let go and do what I like without a bunch of drugs, and even then i still find my mind working to get back to focusing on everyone else and how shitty I look and how awkward im being and yada yada

Just cant figure out how im supposed to be anymore, or what that means. If i cant seem to do what I want then is it even what i want? which reaction is the real me - thats essentially what im getting at

sorry for ranting :/",3.7234615384615375,3.6363631538461534,5.633653846153845,83.61509615384615,71.30769230769229,8.346153846153845,28.55769230769231,8.07648339933343,1.715384615384615,470,16,104,6,8,164,80,130,0.12300000000000001,0.794,0.083,-0.8481,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,11,3,0,1,2,0,14,2,1,3,1,30,24,13,0,5,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,2,13,2,13,19,1,12,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,3,8,77,24,1,0.1627456489692635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139995271710192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514135836797294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873328448041346,0.0,0.1359531066482647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21498393250685527,0.147212756856941,0.0,0.15551044190169874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228909007847396,0.11626552414176007,0.0,0.0,0.14874657477188205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005576901498093,0.0,0.0924921027841847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527379684541146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358418073883806,0.0,0.0,0.1664184524261398,0.0,0.15901860697224734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666535659510665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727772224938695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432671188950052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142103223287647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852401780839118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148157526522511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252895516095624,0.0,0.18218042983856209,0.0,0.0,0.12996888549397884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879748010693205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688099801434324,0.0,0.11848077074094815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hpixiee,2019/09/26,"Ruining everything is all I do Boyfriend and I haven't been doing well but we're trying to make it work
Yet here I am pushing him to a girl who's got to be better than I am.
She seems nice and likes him and it's obvious he's interested so why not play matchmaker at 3am.

I have nothing going for me right now. 
I only have hope for my future late at night unless I start thinking about everything that's piling on top of me, and here we are.

I have no job, i'm angry and sad all the time, I have an abusive ex who won't leave me alone but maybe I deserve to be harassed
I'm a terrible friend and girlfriend.

And i'm just so depressed and no one knows what to do with me. I know I need therapy and meds, but I don't have a car, or a job to get one and I don't have the money. Everything feels pointless.

I wish I had friends to talk to but I ruined that by never reaching out

I hate myself for writing this ultra dramatic annoying post but I can't just keep holding (mostly) everything in anymore
It sucks that no one cares about the messed up feelings i'm going through internally",0.9025183512140024,2.863637813852815,3.0897270845096934,90.79931112365897,82.11688311688313,6.268473555430077,23.03049124788255,7.423996415210882,0.9163474872953136,849,30,188,13,23,289,135,231,0.223,0.612,0.166,-0.9449,2,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,12,20,4,0,8,0,22,0,0,1,4,41,45,19,0,3,10,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,10,13,0,2,6,1,1,4,10,10,1,3,3,2,29,10,25,39,3,21,0,4,0,0,14,8,1,4,9,130,39,3,0.0,0.15968321169151606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395835225670919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336579694109017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191952026720416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740940590718456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607923853278745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844988377872335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628991210223815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082495862509798,0.0,0.07041299700065927,0.0,0.15318847913601186,0.0,0.10778977016232873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305980618436114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385936573732865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26748154857942624,0.1197918684076692,0.0,0.0,0.14813473190583387,0.0,0.15202909542684812,0.1427044725348059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584296881336309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899615986447426,0.0,0.13539695299591478,0.0,0.14970171273524274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099931999267577,0.10394475458758956,0.0,0.0,0.12647473268894913,0.0,0.12931771686716825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273975722759696,0.10250045492905156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907466897034853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150948613850796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269169733060503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539257200763247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832492007350322,0.0,0.0,0.15412394230606946,0.0,0.0,0.08635668816589258,0.0,0.0,0.07858684851667727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150158760132047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117653960155672,0.0,0.12161109486096384,0.0,0.15498156591700007,0.0,0.0,0.09811588519626456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,samiam0000,2019/09/26,"I’ve taken every mood stabilizer approved by the FDA And every single one of them make me horribly sick to the point where I can’t function on them. I’ve just been prescribed a low dose of an antidepressant just to keep me from killing myself. Exactly why my psychiatrist said to me was “were going to put you on a low dose of Zoloft to hopefully keep suicidal thoughts away” that’s it not even a for sure just a hope. 

I’m tired i don’t want to do this anymore and now i find out i can’t even be properly treated and just what’s the point anymore? The only thing that has kept me from killing myself in the past was the idea that if i tried i could get better but look i tried and there’s no options for me. Maybe it’s a sign idk this has turned into a rant now i’m just sad.",3.508406352683462,3.9515368614457853,4.654490690032863,88.57073932092007,71.95180722891565,7.964074479737133,25.934282584885,8.00094639256281,1.2095855421686754,613,18,141,8,11,202,98,166,0.188,0.758,0.054000000000000006,-0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,2,2,11,11,2,0,13,0,12,5,0,1,2,29,28,6,3,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,9,6,0,3,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,8,2,18,5,20,18,1,16,0,3,1,0,4,11,0,4,3,93,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997197299703814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197220293107088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336439350234334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064851532826168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996125931705364,0.0,0.2546322792747113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811120286630574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894839544719852,0.0,0.08587892252812045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001713487765009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058405631664675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26862585605662803,0.3343602009132494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126893791123927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086666052292592,0.0,0.1518096465538479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023956022548981,0.1149254653822042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425096725475958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856943459284065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519066274304457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373958986357782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652890963292066,0.0,0.14241876844210052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039033370146533,0.0,0.0,0.11996394008183998,0.0,0.17367796187931994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518665103625386,0.16436357416354486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912820621665675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635267943161486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SeniorCorneliusss,2019/09/26,What's the worst way to dump someone with bpd in your opinion? I recently got dumped and I need to feel better about myself so this is how I've decided to do it.,1.4939047619047583,2.998602771428573,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,78.42857142857143,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,0.9542380952380952,127,4,29,2,3,43,31,35,0.239,0.687,0.07400000000000001,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570254552725837,0.0,0.0,0.5084255278796304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411462385463705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32286275708442835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993263716575304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985889838326975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420399154776364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204253559284162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThatGuy2u2,2019/09/26,"I'm going to give up If anyone wants to know my life story i'll tell them, but cliff notes, i felt like i had bpd since i was 15 maybe (i switched between dependence disorder and bpd but now im back on bpd). i've never wanted to be on meds but every time i was forced on one (aboutn4/5 different ones) with a da/few days i tried to or wanted to kill myself (or other negative effects). I dont feel emotions most of my week. I partly didnt even consider i had bpd again until after i feel inlove with someone earlier in the year, for some reason i felt like we should break up but i loved them and ignored it, we only saw each other once a week, together i never wanted to leave, apart (because of her 2 jobs) i constantly felt nothing or like i didnt care for her, then when we had our problems (her working and not being available for a relationship) i for weeks felt like i could finally let go and move on with my life. i did, the day after i cried and wanted them back, the day after crying i thought i was over them and overracted. since them i havent felt much of anything but i guess my emotions are back now.....i want to kms

​

i watched a few videos on bpd, one doctor said people with bpd ruin lives or destroy those who they are with...idk...it just resonated with me...maybes thats what i do, i've always felt that

meds (despite me refusing to take them and being forced) have always made me worse, not only made me worse but made me worse within a day of taking them (warning is after taking them for a couple weeks but i feel ad effects within days), i dont even think i fully fit bpd but, this is what fits the most right now, does it get better? i dont know what i should be expecting the rest of my life besides feeling empty and unable to be with anyone. i just want to feel normal? maybe im susposed to die alone, maybe no one knows whats wrong with me, doctors dont know what the fuck im trying to talk about, or dont listen and throw me on meds (my life was the best it had ever been before randomly getting put on ssri's which made me attempt suicide kick starting the life that leads to right now)

i ruin lives, that youtuber, doctor, old person, was right, i'll delete when i wake up, just ignore this",4.244631610442067,4.46711436225597,5.174080335103599,86.28047722342737,70.23644251626898,7.660139127833048,25.65794001047199,7.237678284180719,1.0611463983843223,1735,45,369,15,29,569,213,461,0.19899999999999998,0.726,0.075,-0.997,2,1,0,0,0,2,68.0,4,0,9,7,16,17,3,0,14,0,34,11,1,9,3,89,79,27,3,14,19,0,11,4,0,2,8,2,0,1,19,20,0,3,20,1,0,6,14,9,0,4,26,15,63,8,51,44,9,60,0,2,2,2,26,20,1,12,37,239,82,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275072749233498,0.0,0.0,0.0847598690459743,0.05518536122883568,0.06188858337665304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122640068998516,0.0,0.041913122016555636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749188581019157,0.0,0.03104798981523492,0.0,0.04333982087587735,0.0,0.053450534632981626,0.04504567257588951,0.0,0.0,0.4490340580456032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519290958745472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503995710666877,0.0,0.04066547065746852,0.0563558616544448,0.11189395732228333,0.1642363006230379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052859911763048086,0.05321364015796543,0.05837307742661772,0.15639476899502988,0.04457138912844534,0.0,0.2984626548239371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145844532945544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728089465794015,0.046071377850905065,0.04291284253733591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876505552085876,0.0,0.2934192234325033,0.05579408315418994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708629153986118,0.053220276267423365,0.04885911162752325,0.05789224665816056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610791000261872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504757628442351,0.0,0.050542664416421614,0.0,0.056349284126159374,0.0,0.1119647180584482,0.0,0.0,0.05393018175911608,0.0,0.052081949735771536,0.17987571615692013,0.09953222103248112,0.0,0.0899486918280233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596858541287468,0.1927743175117737,0.0,0.0,0.2046742377445588,0.0,0.16972363446058422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413320545584669,0.0374412605953232,0.0,0.07856459448316402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049903052968998635,0.048871124019040764,0.0,0.05344510914798028,0.054241468680390495,0.1380527674997415,0.07747294904674522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055154952911981164,0.0,0.035310194502565485,0.044472309558599474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873554048145957,0.0,0.05120124755485291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052367110596146266,0.0,0.05468246263124653,0.0,0.1304882744832758,0.04844848739340142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426380928621033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315495663671149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605029790209572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571190725792817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488474316729112,0.04093762812641265,0.044517265072797504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03263550052901101,0.0,0.0404347295288235,0.029699160433439262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691596719140434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028922828900065,0.0,0.16341997274437592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03707947920693608,0.0,0.15571375928472042,0.0,0.055686712160825436,0.06188858337665304,0.03279887126114857
bpd,NoOffenseButActually,2019/09/26,"DAE secretly scoff at ""normie"" problems sometimes because they just seem so trivial to what we experience? I try to emphatic as possible, I try to acknowledge that I live in an unregulated emotional experience and most ""normal"" people will never know the level of distress that I do everyday. It's unfair of me to judge people for their reactions if it's their first time experiencing truly soul-wrenching pain (hello every monday).

But sometimes, I can't fucking believe these normal-ass people. The problems that cause them turmoil seem so fucking trivial in comparison to the daily emotional rollercoaster that is being borderline. I want to be kind, but honestly, just fuck off with your infantile drama. It just makes me feel even more alone in knowing what I experience is abnormal.",10.414359243697476,10.302974154411768,10.294495798319328,55.86058823529413,57.45588235294117,13.359663865546224,43.693277310924366,12.540900571622839,6.108015966386554,639,33,88,19,7,211,94,136,0.155,0.7609999999999999,0.084,-0.8454,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,4,1,6,10,3,2,4,0,7,4,0,2,1,24,17,7,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,0,2,15,2,16,14,2,11,0,0,0,3,8,6,3,4,5,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391955696541325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192764032638802,0.0,0.0,0.1514202767304794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806354344136856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023588300684655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887684673174648,0.0,0.11323592766242925,0.0,0.0,0.3944004584239227,0.0,0.0,0.06795555665986346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431868450875785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37274575074309096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399546080162007,0.14772301210039834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867570357645794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971156294133831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036558546545067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26336258154958914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300871554185973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27952349884257083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151330529773407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572010526567439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24470138577506145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658456854079969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836842734316311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249454342723528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927129380908585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moxoxa8,2019/09/26,"Disconnected and detached I feel like whenever something good is happening in my life, I'm busy trying to find faults with it. For example, my relationship was going fine. And then, it hit a little snag, when I started nitpicking on the fact that she'd be asleep whenever I came home and we weren't spending time together as much. She didn't intentionally hurt me or mean to fall asleep. With this little snag, that creeping sensation of depersonalisation started creeping in. I feel like I cannot be around her without getting mad at her. I'm completely detached from her. I love her, a lot. But I deal with this detachment issue a lot. I am scared I will do something dumb, like say hurtful things, whilst being impulsive. 

I need to understand how to cope with this detachment or depersonalisation feeling.",4.614489795918367,7.3407019795918425,5.522687074829936,74.16933673469391,73.421768707483,8.825850340136055,30.90816326530612,9.424239791934726,3.2961102040816317,649,30,111,17,14,212,98,147,0.10300000000000001,0.743,0.153,0.7652,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,3,12,2,1,4,0,12,4,2,2,1,26,28,10,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,10,0,0,6,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,4,4,20,6,18,18,3,16,0,2,0,1,11,7,1,4,9,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385779271311159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780432401101704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632154116458953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048734004927356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23613194201802964,0.2224191483881744,0.0,0.0,0.1422781462116026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133034190920295,0.0,0.08846996943310052,0.13056731304998262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765709921526234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561481511635366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332925978958215,0.0,0.0,0.16247742138808546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995323228083144,0.2281552296030377,0.3120413717007051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264687504603229,0.14049685687182178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956858149466494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443422467136438,0.11542618570867196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712966163081552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379380219685678,0.1558512784081755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396823613589674,0.0,0.0,0.22036586503785302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341920336784853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077152701465413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105688661494988,0.0,0.0,0.16205634990472728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005883401038295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BionicGhostixs,2019/09/26,"I want someone who says goodnight... Fuck your meaningless ""night""


:( I'm travelling for work and my anxiety has been through the roof. I wish I could tell my FP I want to hear goodnight but then that takes the meaning out of it. 

Feeling worthless. 


Goodnight bpd💙",1.8712244897959167,4.691815306122454,2.0706122448979585,92.68510204081636,89.81632653061224,5.248979591836736,29.44897959183673,6.868970318607317,1.7890734693877557,206,11,39,3,7,62,40,49,0.217,0.67,0.113,-0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,12,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,5,10,0,4,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,2,23,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071554677876897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469147768208539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992133329923408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927384699921733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546455223102377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104478239113765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30004160140044583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584875475827436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904582987717894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333846245616533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071012211310409,0.0,0.2407520712623792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249305454344815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167494727420683,0.0,0.0,0.20052807390126592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sm412,2019/09/26,"Rage and vengeance. What can be done? Recently diagnosed BPD here. I have some pretty serious rage issues. My mind is consumed with thoughts of vengeance toward those who have wronged me. I wont go into the gritty details, but it's pretty bad. If I ever actually carried out these fantasies, it'd be life in prison. Let's just say that. The thoughts are personally sickening and cause distress and self-hatred.

I am a very caring, compassionate, and empathetic individual. Yet another part of me wants to destroy and bury those who have crossed me.

What can i do?",3.393608414239484,6.383717737864082,4.254587378640778,79.84718851132686,80.35922330097088,7.316828478964402,29.942556634304207,8.344100000000001,2.7327546925566346,449,22,78,10,12,144,78,103,0.243,0.606,0.151,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,3,2,3,0,15,2,0,1,1,18,20,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,10,8,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,8,0,0,3,1,9,2,8,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,3,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.18843945303265933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248402204370847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123189563690188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432048946584864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688010399019554,0.19836868988563414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959942117968991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761013405494185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467158843225042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974417472836548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154805790581595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745962272793466,0.13639347693570494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497772068409228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091103779491688,0.0,0.0,0.16860900008222174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929078027795483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066468245476173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356226237710865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144723949216264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066024401303758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932916725066648,0.11389641542211652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112645033492985,0.0,0.0
bpd,suckmyarsee,2019/09/26,"Is this dissociation? A little background, I have been diagnosed with BPD, OCD major depressive disorder and GAD.

The past week has been INSANE. I developed an abscess in my lower bowel and have been in and out of the hospital (I hate hospitals). I went and stayed with my parents last night because I had a follow up appointment with a specialist by them. I live alone, three hours away. I could to in to the details of everything with my bowel abscess but I'll just leave it at that I lost 12 pounds in 4 days and haven't been able to eat at all. I have been having daily panic attacks and my OCD is back in full force from all the stress. Tonight I drove back home because I have work at 9 am tomorrow. I sat on the toilet and looked around, it was like everything I owned was mine but it wasn't, like I looked in the mirror and was just expecting to hallucinate (I didn't), I feel so out of it and dizzy and I'm having a full blown panic attack because I'm now scared that this odd feeling is actually me developing schizophrenia and I can't stop crying I'm so scared and for the love of God I just can't seem to catch a break.

Sorry if this was all over the place or whatever I'm somewhat hysterical.",3.6388208616780062,4.824858897959183,4.937925170068031,83.90298752834471,72.26530612244899,8.383219954648528,26.26417233560091,8.841846274778883,1.8208185941043091,950,31,198,18,18,316,133,245,0.19399999999999998,0.715,0.091,-0.9749,4,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,9,13,3,5,14,0,27,5,2,0,3,36,43,18,0,3,7,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,9,19,1,1,3,0,0,4,5,10,0,1,16,4,25,3,32,26,8,38,0,2,2,1,3,20,0,4,14,139,34,1,0.12802083689822075,0.0,0.12492986958492458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259097796225125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396568683299613,0.0,0.29128436731962315,0.1202797904541284,0.19688024264014287,0.0,0.2341209417801221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612377624914572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221422111292128,0.0,0.14062487793731124,0.08256284889976208,0.0,0.11026415922966763,0.12993845463424789,0.0,0.0,0.14672297029052522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099727658384874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301137467458091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946236346298787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126394072201266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841533758992987,0.0,0.12607473651095225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043540687855372,0.0,0.13555558152562355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508902865244131,0.12831051085261938,0.11304474443158866,0.0,0.2150105202456585,0.0,0.13974986638366302,0.0,0.11554380356782712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013888305965145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30040973693966183,0.14215198913086668,0.0,0.12221037467899032,0.0,0.0,0.13375452671247415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563423823013738,0.0,0.0,0.11654536178576667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330884568726704,0.0,0.1364531784191448,0.0,0.10703115204052364,0.1466474361296543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269059326191166,0.0,0.0,0.11867659839053155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320069398271333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WeirdEmitions,2019/09/26,"I'm terrible at sticking to a good schedule and work ! Drinking and binge eating in a hot bath at 5am, didn't sleep, not gonna show up to my work. Ok, i know its stupid because i know what im doing and what would be the results, but i can't stop myself doing it.. (Sorry for ""venting"")",2.805,2.869817725806456,4.729193548387098,88.76379032258066,73.35483870967742,6.845161290322581,26.79032258064516,5.985473137389443,0.8559548387096774,217,7,50,1,4,75,48,62,0.075,0.815,0.109,0.2321,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,3,1,6,3,1,1,0,10,10,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,1,2,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,5,2,7,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,30,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350811740252815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948996554202391,0.0,0.3080339173588793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524938417924728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251694144671369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33088188234860805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012523636706257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369839914265111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516787058651052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383140721201981,0.0,0.0,0.2138465983432048,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IamTheWeedHorse,2019/09/26,How is it remotely possible that most of my close companionships have BPD? Could it be that there are more people with BPD than we think or is it just people with the same personalities end up meshing well together as they're more tolerant and empathetic toward each other and they relate to feeling like they're outsiders?,9.55841807909605,9.104258288135595,9.080000000000004,64.99197740112996,59.33898305084745,12.612429378531074,36.61581920903954,11.855464076750405,4.468690395480226,265,10,44,7,3,85,47,59,0.0,0.815,0.185,0.8695,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,15,8,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,8,6,5,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6745024990272581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379528750420046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23716777137459896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539428719495394,0.1912973852488763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308205675941364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712807481852552,0.2338094224494206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018742981389532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157839576515407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24076046350072375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,depressant-,2019/09/26,"I’m so stressed. I can’t joke about it anymore i’ve been feeling.. like crap lately 

my life is seriously going downhill, i used to crack jokes, even when i’m venting or crying but god it’s gotten.. so out of hand. so depressing to the point where i feel like.. its not worth it anymore to even cry .

i stopped thinking about it, i started shoving things down and letting them pail up. and it’s getting ugly.. it’s getting really ugly 

(tw, lots of ed, suicide and depression mentions)

i picked up restriction/binging again ,and i’ve been gaining like crazy. and i can’t stop because if i don’t shove food in my face i start feeling and when i do it gets ugly

my FP happens to be a friend who may or may not like me, the latter is more likely, they aren’t so much in my life atm and god i’m really, really obsessing over them, it’s been almost 3 years since i’ve been.. well, feeling like i can’t live without them and yk. being unable to tell them bc i really, really can’t stand losing them completely 

and god, if that wasn’t enough what started it is me losing an entire opportunity for a better life because i don’t have the right tools and the right functional brain. and so far a plan B plummeted to failure 

and i feel bad. i feel really bad. i feel really really bad, and i don’t know what to do",1.5150100085787803,3.5255137881040923,3.578828996282528,87.83179511009439,80.26394052044608,6.666342579353732,22.98555905061481,7.748469712250963,1.127813726050901,1015,34,213,17,26,345,136,269,0.245,0.599,0.156,-0.9875,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,6,6,14,23,1,2,8,0,24,8,4,2,0,39,46,25,1,2,8,0,8,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,15,14,1,2,9,2,2,1,12,11,1,0,6,8,29,12,20,35,4,24,0,4,0,0,10,12,1,8,16,132,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256997512102384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336052763333527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315622933907253,0.1127068155031756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175979086633214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319881577831104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969264689928634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309224009173374,0.0,0.0,0.15924490337881525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552004758506212,0.0,0.12211765441542607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32719959036146856,0.19812745443828594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178445191532264,0.0,0.07142251633535762,0.0,0.14489556072702384,0.0,0.05253843165044425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174850906655297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080516845122165,0.0,0.10428160503990064,0.0,0.0,0.0945309299385773,0.1958891954845823,0.270982752972576,0.0,0.08163032997420089,0.0,0.0,0.20684386009918115,0.0,0.07859314555228299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795746319223471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873900860922135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737793398917106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789447202040516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647117948160652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629842215222704,0.0,0.0,0.15457575321202446,0.10589504767626463,0.0,0.0,0.101119455559217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080070901729952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614161255203531,0.05923480648612167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984250625356201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311885305475437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891133550143419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059531331238210625
bpd,jeky11,2019/09/26,"I suddenly am in a new LDR with an FP I've known for 8 years and timing is confusing? Ok so a few months ago I moved out to Seattle, but this guy and I had been talking online for months/years. I met him in college in Orlando and we weren't always super close and talking but like, he kind of was always there? Anyway, about a month and a half ago we sort of realized that we were like dating and went facebook official (which is clearly the sole metric of a relationship's authenticity) about a month ago. 

Things are going well, we connect and communicate really well, and we check each other's psychological biases pretty consistently. However, we can already feel the distance being troublesome and we also have a good amount of faith in this relationship and would like it to go far. I'm trying to mentally slow myself down so I don't feel like I'm fixating on him and a future with him as a Dream rather than a Reality. He's visiting for a few days in November and I'm flying out to visit him in Florida for a week or so around Christmas to meet his family, but it still feels like such a wait and I'm just counting down the days. 

TL;DR - I recently moved to one corner of the country and am trying not to want to move back to the opposite corner of the country to live with this amazing guy I've known for years. What is a reasonable sense of a relationship timeline so that it's not just some impulsive leap of faith and fixation?",5.752709571633531,5.843119630662024,7.0289608526337375,74.7377392908383,66.97909407665506,10.655380200860831,30.81963517114163,10.46071229359064,3.113792129534741,1142,40,222,28,17,390,154,287,0.039,0.787,0.174,0.9913,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,7,0,0,1,18,15,0,1,22,1,16,0,0,1,1,53,29,25,0,3,9,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,30,0,1,7,1,1,8,4,1,2,2,7,3,19,14,42,20,5,44,2,0,0,0,25,16,0,4,25,153,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953823141216056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257338437457355,0.08882617344546957,0.1848456306476642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988797828349672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540937267056695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432676237262152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471107768971878,0.0,0.1684876923079562,0.15870317550754326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625230505409887,0.09316395350258186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219962277547083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566691570954175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27132675483093943,0.0,0.09808074772900477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193689025354198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659756267018744,0.35416358994271513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727636686562414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526690153716409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130026169895598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115711759621024,0.11420300305195412,0.109672589510574,0.3577570755196974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870417519436495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855482254560434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379290902729946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476838746704004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508244799600015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551457068237773,0.0,0.08909719971952038,0.0,0.19973848594178453,0.10296710003287464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890408099975117,0.0,0.0,0.21458485404844452
bpd,SoSoSoulGlo,2019/09/26,"DAE feel like their rage makes them powerful? When I'm mad as hell, especially if it's justified, I become a super villain.  My power is zeroing in on one's insecurities, and then exploiting them to the point where my opponents cry. It's my kamehameha. I have the profound ability to cause a world of pain and suffering for my enemy, going for the throat, and I don't stop until their spirits are crushed. Anytime else, I'm self-effacing, and I'm nowhere near as calculating when I'm calm. It takes a lot to get me to this point, but God help person on the receiving end of this.

... DAE?",4.49758620689655,5.4753444482758615,6.137413793103452,76.88646551724139,70.0344827586207,10.627586206896552,30.87931034482759,10.686352973137794,3.4156931034482767,460,19,92,14,8,158,79,116,0.193,0.655,0.152,-0.6229,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,3,3,10,4,1,7,0,4,2,1,2,0,11,13,12,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,2,0,1,12,3,15,13,1,16,2,1,0,0,7,8,1,2,7,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219338565785245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531801516919493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707224287093016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588394939352675,0.0,0.21828854547371293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461651870293725,0.1760695719189697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876407978134458,0.0,0.14006770333087507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651955342418358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040688012818272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952969187012974,0.0,0.0,0.16451256101257106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670062503908227,0.0,0.2622485805569295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519753062873004,0.0,0.0,0.4659647525934586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25710933858541235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604983878373276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530566759330291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cawshek,2019/09/26,"Is it normal to feel like you have multiple minds? It sounds absurd but I feel as though I have multiple minds within my brain. My personality for the most part is the same. It's almost like a car, on the outside it looks one way but the engine underneath can get swapped out at any moment. One mind might think optimistically, but for no reason get swapped out and the next one will think angrily. It feels like it's a much deeper thing than just a mood change, it's as if the fundamental way I think and process things changes and it's causing me to struggle a little bit to identify myself. When my mind switches it almost invalidates what the last one was feeling, like if I was depressed once it switches to a different mind I might think the depression was fake, unjustified, me being dramatic with myself even though I am not trying to display my depression or convince anyone of it and that it doesn't matter or have any significance anymore.",6.62611250627825,7.154921867403318,6.799648417880462,75.61982420894027,65.13259668508286,9.896735308890005,32.476644902059256,9.800150414767053,3.0285756906077346,762,29,140,15,11,245,104,181,0.146,0.742,0.11199999999999999,-0.8661,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,11,0,1,13,0,15,1,1,2,0,39,26,16,0,3,9,0,4,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,16,7,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,5,0,4,3,6,15,5,18,19,5,14,0,3,1,0,2,7,0,9,8,103,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043144701482826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611574531796128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925252715825003,0.0699783048958723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926150495952232,0.0,0.0,0.11172244536968608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280978989219687,0.2117428665740778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585964269642291,0.0,0.0,0.10456236169510463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610193572089908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024139415246806,0.21449164448036687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104575401345753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157860636870354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557624821420044,0.10030651204722177,0.0,0.0,0.08404204455265908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123382561770943,0.5052616546680807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357035942414912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643627914268408,0.0,0.09805720974443302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065819975892724,0.2712673548636645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083769521975799,0.0,0.0,0.08738604808238944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289896994130283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462540837270026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297748964494424,0.25650904544664394,0.196656301537624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794779127986895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887778649340994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GoodIntentionsKarma,2019/08/21,"How to stop black and white thinking/splitting? My therapist seems to think i have bpd. I'm not sure i agree if I meet the diagnositic criteria (5 of the 7) but I do see the tendencies that she is seeing. 

I feel like the black and white thinking and splitting is what i struggle with most and it causes a lot of conflict in my life. 

I'm looking for any others who maybe have gone though this journey of realizing maybe you have bpd and how to break some of the toxic vehaviors, especially splitting. 

TIA.",3.0527272727272714,5.207024575757579,3.9565656565656586,86.28818181818184,75.96969696969697,7.228282828282829,27.161616161616163,8.167268648758528,1.8191494949494955,399,16,79,7,9,128,66,99,0.10400000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.091,0.3982,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,6,1,0,3,1,23,16,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,8,10,2,10,15,3,5,0,0,7,0,4,1,0,5,2,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645492443543233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054456889992293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061319515709429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145916268139346,0.1433507493750024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173130648043542,0.0980317967957838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850292832829336,0.0,0.0,0.17059301058401874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031776459074233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197983080023171,0.18267231502481426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775981492043468,0.0,0.20977223700569453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911862683625055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329804342535396,0.0,0.2571482258107869,0.19714633823870395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cocopops21,2019/08/21,Lexapro What are your thoughts ? Feelings ? Emotions ? Side effects and how has it helped or not helped you 😊,2.0160526315789475,4.2748915263157965,-0.0743421052631561,104.05585526315792,107.42105263157896,1.9,31.065789473684212,3.1291,0.5786736842105258,85,5,16,0,4,22,18,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5661003256031933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544636301376346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6746498098845167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995326223375521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ToxicFox27,2019/08/21,"I Don’t Exist Outside of a Relationship I don’t know how, and, frankly, I don’t even know if I want to.",0.07374999999999687,1.0880988750000036,3.3483333333333327,92.43000000000002,81.08333333333334,6.466666666666668,24.5,7.1686216300943375,0.6976499999999994,79,3,21,1,2,29,16,24,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724435144729951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6197975413774494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6054059972288486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325964743481448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HappinessEm,2019/08/21,"Advice on My Best Friend... Do I take a break or break the friendship or is there an alternative? Writing the words best friend feels foreign to me for some reason.

Hey guys, I need some advice on what I should do. So, my Best Friend and I just came back from a Summer School abroad and we were basically together for 5 weeks 24/7. We would be together all the time. Share our opinions and getting to know each other etc. I am an introvert and I have BPD as well. So, being around this person has taken quite the toll on me mentally. Ever since we came back, I felt relieved to be on my own. Meanwhile, my Best Friend has been contacting me a lot, wanting to sleepover, wanting to meet again and says that she misses me and she feels so sad and all. But, I don't feel sad. I feel quite relieved and free in a way. I've talked about this to my therapist and he says that, maybe it is time for me to find another friend because this friendship is too toxic for me. Next week Ill be starting university and my schedule and hers are exactly the same, so Ill be stuck with her again dor 24/7. I say 24/7 because, when we meet, it is kind of hard to break off our ""meet up"" so I end up going home late at night and feeling really tired from socializing with her. I really don't know what to do anymore and now whenever she texts me it makes me so annoyed, I don't know why. And, she manages to trigger my BPD really badly like no other. I've told her about my BPD. It took me so long to trust someone and she is the only person that knows other than my therapist and all. But, somehow when I split, she keeps on poking me and saying if I am mad at her. I tell her I just need some space and then she gets sad. Its like I have no right to breathe. I have to constantly chuck my feelings away. I told her to research about it and she said she did. But, it just feels like I said it for nothing you know. I've been thinking of breaking it off or maybe asking for distance for a month, but I really don't know. My mind is going in circles and I really need some advice. >< 

Being with her somehow feels like an obligation. I used to love meeting new people and making new friends but now I am just closing in on myself. My energy gets spent all on her that sometimes I don't have enough to spare towards my family. I get severe mood swings and I just get so exhausted, that I don't have the energy to commit to anyone else. 

I love deep conversations. I love to write and just express myself in different ways, but whenever I share my deep thoughts, she usually makes a joke or tells me to shut up cause it makes her sad or whatever. 

A lot of things has been stressing me out lately, it is just too much for me to handle. 

Of course, this is just a summary, I could go on and on, but I hope you get the point. >< Thank you for taking the time to read this and I am sorry if there are any grammar mistakes ><",2.785563077584353,4.199568974747476,3.9200809513575483,89.46773372018055,74.74074074074073,7.142861236478258,23.581058815101372,7.768660622080223,0.9697732359051504,2257,65,490,31,47,734,249,594,0.078,0.782,0.14,0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,0,80.0,6,3,0,6,36,40,2,1,20,0,45,8,1,8,7,118,102,51,0,12,22,0,10,4,6,2,4,6,1,3,27,38,0,1,19,2,2,6,8,11,1,0,17,16,93,29,69,76,20,72,0,5,0,3,67,31,0,17,33,348,120,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118406850601496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0420292123529848,0.06480745794736856,0.0,0.0,0.061293504741277385,0.04321517734337282,0.06332606366898272,0.0,0.05501915149636885,0.0577789098531999,0.0,0.05806740780358454,0.09504776566944424,0.05160421642556809,0.07535095824148627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594402424815689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335219958210593,0.0,0.0,0.14137587714467,0.0,0.06349029616303632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678876046787982,0.0,0.04934590290089786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457259876213974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162976969109009,0.0,0.05474048541525205,0.06386062000486566,0.06892840887979758,0.0,0.05590575250169408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826382786837354,0.0,0.250001893952025,0.08830636360496241,0.05934205881412391,0.0,0.056488237651528536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865002451818418,0.0,0.19374195423720564,0.0,0.10537484760859728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611962199191318,0.0,0.0,0.05536473581170871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199500138731324,0.06138586202265112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493472246042566,0.0,0.06435992652979934,0.20379698118496564,0.0,0.13943644546492084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077832212861606,0.0,0.0,0.05469508055291013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050880339780387,0.16734305411454092,0.0,0.165020064194232,0.0,0.12418195214228232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622844483100354,0.0,0.06240497549569837,0.0,0.049331800968441884,0.0,0.04543345447508576,0.13748186878588695,0.0,0.11938243615301675,0.0657298384944323,0.057999382018814376,0.0,0.059303131170287224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700514415913664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042847492016311065,0.10793069568736344,0.0,0.0,0.05842527533455806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147349001873287,0.06182127369549621,0.0,0.19796788184724595,0.06354536939813883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278074673059968,0.11758055745857125,0.1965978305025765,0.0,0.06254950267637795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982154784751189,0.0,0.05112536119551156,0.0,0.0,0.06300195397248984,0.052366793386578465,0.0,0.06112627881156385,0.0691851320405911,0.043745577539468165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707969014989124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293865761248833,0.04967615497517957,0.10803979908159987,0.056901324562210635,0.0,0.14351968880340402,0.04106019577234542,0.03960185912494808,0.0,0.049065907879439284,0.10811618776020676,0.07103523669234235,0.0,0.11811378934821615,0.06866712747545374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337928613942825,0.06806897849953604,0.0,0.07290784802004266,0.09811514767972357,0.09915176163871983,0.0,0.05556971153561307,0.0,0.05576899194493108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390417800019543,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,normieuser1,2019/08/21,"Had a BIG crisis today Well, today I had an appointment with the psychiatrist. I waited for 40 mins and went to ask the receptionist what was going on. She told me that my appointment was canceled and I got REALLY mad, started yelling at everyone and ended up uncontrollably crying on the floor with everyone looking at me... They called the cops because I didn't want to leave there until a psychiatrist saw me... I'm so ashamed about this and also very desesperate. I try to seek help and I only find impediments, I don't know what to do anymore. Now I'm scared to come back because every psychiatrist in the center was staring at me and they're gonna say ""oh, this crazy retard again"" or smth.",4.672388059701493,6.212665791044773,5.927044776119407,76.43549253731345,70.19402985074626,8.942089552238807,28.32537313432836,9.3871,2.5450322388059696,552,20,102,12,10,185,90,134,0.2,0.758,0.042,-0.9727,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,3,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,14,23,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,10,5,14,1,17,12,0,22,0,0,3,0,7,10,0,1,9,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146141256313378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878317997108358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706144670412438,0.0,0.0,0.14563527538149254,0.0,0.2309103738834341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339640677789136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314949925900138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080446727335894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775030137356886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957587872299095,0.36195557290430813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731062269218655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763917728925196,0.0,0.15147878281589527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269494035726799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408811916038832,0.0,0.0,0.20054500319837906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904651429716324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404561886852082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133312881770565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061679242530132,0.18962031404362206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405679106312726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359054080412804,0.18097778645215407,0.0,0.1285887250218309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627308258950906,0.11171177406524097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702914357924945,0.17557372803054275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Themommas,2019/08/21,"Waiting to get into DBT Hi! 

So I was officially diagnosed with BPD this year and went on a wait list for one of two local DBT programs we have. I just had the initial assessment today and I think it went well, I feel like I'm a good fit and I really want to do this program. At the end they thanked me for my candor and openness and told me it will likely be a service to me, and that I'm likely in the right place. I find out on Tuesday coming if I'm accepted.

Just wanted to share! 💜",0.6862857142857166,2.4368262476190523,3.226904761904766,90.62892857142859,81.76190476190476,6.104761904761905,21.92857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.6371714285714281,376,12,85,5,10,131,73,105,0.0,0.792,0.20800000000000002,0.9570000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,0,23,21,8,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,12,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,12,8,14,14,0,18,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,1,7,56,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707715968979195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519431362138503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182096942806887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041677764110296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870508977358634,0.15358845537543805,0.0,0.0,0.19649639762295412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232307721267117,0.0,0.0,0.1803228910747356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150988532642193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456823672370533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246181429873224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377277013597107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359975505682485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793333552770806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377565132272001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037847933245744,0.2054315648834276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100133841877412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25361261193448753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330127098414124,0.3985946165969631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844611142725338
bpd,messy_brainz,2019/08/21,"Shit just got real, real quick. Okay, hello. I have not yet been diagnosed. Give it a name. Using my intuition maybe? 

I'm a 36 year old male and have been dealing with what I believe to be BPD, possibly severe depression \ bipolar, from what feels like childhood. As a young boy I was extremely anxious, constantly had a worried stomach. Lived quite secluded so had little interaction with peers. Teenage years were angry, but it was chalked up to being at that age. Strange severe migraines although that could've been teachers awful perfume/cigarette combo! 

Father was, and is an alcoholic, and would terrify me at times, chase me to my bedroom and be trying to bash the door in as I held my back up against it. If he got me he would sometimes slap. The look in his eyes was pure unfiltered rage. Spitting. His voice was a thing of nightmares.  Never showed any interest in teaching things like how to shave, etc. Whenever I expressed my asspirations to change the world or do cool stuff, he'd say the world was a shit place and I wouldn't achieve anything. As a sensitive person, I guess all that has never really left me. 

What's brought me here, is that I've pretty much been asked to end my contract on a job I'm working on. I haven't been officially told, but my good friend has spoken to the employer and stated this was their intention (I work in a trade where everyone knows everyone...which is, unfortunate, my name will be tarnished) I also received an email from Facebook telling me I'd been removed from said companies Facebook admin (I was using it to update various things for them) which pretty much means they're starting to distance themselves from me. 

The reason for this is that I went to do a few days work away with them, arrived in the destination and got drunk (5 beers) whilst waiting to meet up. When they arrived I was chatting to a bunch of strangers. I was in manic mode (I was going to work the next day, so figured I could enjoy being in a new city for the evening) I was told I could not continue with the few days work, we went elsewhere together and I was sent home the next day.  I had a feeling they could see me in a manic state? They could also smell booze on me. Crying. Lots and lots of it. 

Got back home, kinda went into a dissociated state and started to research the cause of my drinking in relation to my life events. I realised I show symptoms of BPD, all but the angry outbursts really. 

Can you imagine how I felt when that email from Facebook came through?! 

I was also in a situation previous to Facebook-gate where I was left behind, literally abandoned by them after a night out, in a city I didn't really know because there was no room in the taxi. That sent me into a very bad place, and my initial response was to abandon them, but I didn't. I wanted to carry on working.

I realise now that they might have purposely not let me in because because I was, again, drunk. Anyway, I feel like my head's been transplanted. I'm trying not to worry. Haven't drank in 5 days. He'll, I had a whole 3 months previous to these events sober. I got triggered so easily. 

I'm a child. I've always felt behind everyone developmentaly. In the last week before I found this happy home, I started to have psychotic thoughts, delusions that I was being drugged with ketamine...the house was complete chaos mind you (that's a post in itself!) I've abandoned every single job I've ever had, every intimate relationship, I have 2 friends, one of which is moving to Japan...tonight!!! I wish him all the best, I sincerely do. I have no sense of self, no sense of danger sometimes, and I make stupid decisions that leave me completely open to bad people. 

I feel like I have a low frequency severe depression cycle with behaviour disorder running at a high frequency on top, if that makes sense?

I've seen a doctor for this now, and whilst I wait for an appointment to see a mental health person, I'm going to pay for private counciling. Bridge the gap so to speak. I also got drop foot when I was away for the month, doctor said could be MS...anxiety is so hight ATM.

I'm just so scared I'm going to loose this happy house, it's so calm and quiet. I'm keeping my head down so much, it's touching the ground!

Anyway, just needed some love right now. So confused, but I suppose I feel some comfort in knowing how I might best get help. 

x",3.5948107342278486,5.524821138461538,4.482318526543878,84.12430119176601,73.71005917159762,7.364113676139678,27.641053421118432,8.15712126957752,1.8926906408867403,3422,133,652,55,71,1105,388,845,0.15,0.737,0.113,-0.9845,4,0,5,0,0,0,126.0,1,2,9,11,38,34,5,2,48,3,77,25,8,11,7,107,143,45,0,13,15,1,8,4,2,7,10,6,6,6,35,26,7,7,17,7,3,14,14,15,0,1,60,21,89,19,97,62,19,115,0,6,5,1,53,50,2,12,50,435,124,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056932532457246186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040928654905768,0.044327323268795016,0.0,0.0,0.036227401147676704,0.0,0.04075362532037568,0.06018321736271798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383906038893422,0.0,0.049802973406868296,0.0,0.10010329284492504,0.08192714881683462,0.08896129833029412,0.0974240024349028,0.0,0.04533131709617552,0.06002031935381898,0.11181325097522114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419071396286106,0.0,0.0,0.06093000947662169,0.0,0.05472594653370347,0.056355668108925824,0.0,0.11171125140343964,0.05756908307738346,0.0,0.2552044712669721,0.0,0.05851778293049618,0.1717830778204624,0.054922024245510605,0.09176774734967964,0.054070875609937806,0.0,0.0,0.061055362694829,0.10905414808244444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521871641690432,0.06177965496766598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471839802159901,0.0,0.05941336939620687,0.03518625029609937,0.048188391096455285,0.08976943758625278,0.10180908440189053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346819032648928,0.11417451859465,0.1023006832263711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058410988929905414,0.08231702610349784,0.0,0.027832893291529947,0.05110422326312525,0.09082865610544444,0.044682783893113566,0.25564324473948,0.0,0.05868610918389956,0.0,0.0,0.11341999264368442,0.0,0.0,0.10934673633329266,0.05662660520778848,0.0,0.0,0.03570770423396012,0.056285747374035,0.16031119728439097,0.0,0.0,0.12293955603508545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057302730488045,0.04735140432315979,0.0,0.0,0.08783218357825051,0.0434245265466354,0.0,0.056408312747263566,0.115762330932819,0.05447515312121235,0.0376282271694827,0.10410579881794896,0.05339344454486797,0.04704094974596215,0.0,0.044735821769450235,0.0,0.0,0.0905814349022108,0.04808087527130248,0.0,0.07112015343960214,0.0,0.05351979187447893,0.05802980933740625,0.0,0.0,0.05368655675102468,0.1130282638141007,0.05379044608084467,0.0,0.08504384655184576,0.05662066553019016,0.11748514107070213,0.039501182885280095,0.08217469461280172,0.05145130211076982,0.11331267436139295,0.04999301107682346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055900950697636224,0.0,0.03609909808728928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693272356403173,0.0930316889113972,0.11131769107911332,0.0,0.0,0.06005719423237696,0.051020715508780665,0.10839538951426858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566622903040848,0.0,0.12127245408438515,0.1023839582308049,0.054773417330058215,0.0,0.057195161471387236,0.0,0.04549476846304893,0.10134946109492347,0.04236475103651322,0.053335469880674766,0.0,0.08490321355775042,0.0,0.05557525668070985,0.18054965208815396,0.10936773966631902,0.0,0.0598809755183076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537652738162676,0.0,0.1131205057555566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060984729012995426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055370944508822,0.0,0.0,0.04656286570839758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617644967652536,0.0,0.0,0.04229273469354375,0.031063858407586718,0.0,0.0,0.10180908440189053,0.0,0.07233760902662015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202136817167134,0.0,0.043955724531157134,0.031421738704655464,0.0,0.04273230977084478,0.0,0.0,0.14815354563314148,0.0,0.05947729421025926,0.061261209862742964,0.0,0.0,0.2326998491070676,0.10820243875147707,0.0,0.07568708426481499,0.0,0.0,0.06861200639448492
bpd,cellogal,2019/08/21,First time assessment/therapy related to BPD tomorrow. Any advice? I know you shouldn’t self diagnose but I’m pretty sure I have BPD. My symptoms have been getting less and less manageable and I decided to get help. i am going in for an assessment tomorrow. Not really sure what to expect. Can anyone explain what the process is like? Thanks,2.2047619047619023,5.0754876507936535,3.9114444444444447,78.24050000000003,93.12698412698411,8.86920634920635,26.93492063492064,8.841846274778883,3.590423492063493,274,13,45,10,10,91,49,63,0.0,0.7020000000000001,0.298,0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,2,11,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,6,4,5,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079952769240251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474580024072345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148830184457812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536156104553307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603901775821932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105072830487576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224114501658383,0.0,0.12096797908282712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266936242637682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697719862284697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039881186769187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654572092668486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635763258792355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220497398927785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401218601601919,0.22123341501486987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195964361390879,0.2434133680835085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411497654611695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kgreyy,2019/08/21,"Struggling with splitting towards my deployed husband I guess I’m just trying to vent, or maybe even see how others may handle their issues with splitting.

My husband’s deployed, set to return in November. For someone who’s recently been diagnosed with BPD, I’d say I’ve handled the distance particularly well even with my shortcomings. I’m more of a quiet BPD when it comes to my relationships, typically internalizing everything until it builds to a degree where I can’t contain it.

I was abused throughout my childhood, sexually, mentally, and once physically. My mother passed away 6 years ago and that took an incredibly huge toll on my mentality. Crazy enough, I joined the military on a whim when I was tired of feeling like my life was going nowhere and have managed to survive in this crazy lifestyle. I’m getting out next year, and my husband is also Navy. 

We met in December, he told me he loved me after a week. My connection to him was unlike anything I’d ever experienced in life. He’s been patient through my issues even before I was diagnosed. We got married in March, basically right before he deployed. Reading into my diagnosis now I feel that maybe I was just following a BPD impulse to marry so that I could feel secure in my relationship status. Either way, I obviously have my trust issues.

He gave me his laptop password a month or so ago so I could play a game that my PC couldn’t run. I started snooping and went back to phone/PC history before he went on deployment and found porn.. of course, right? Well porn is an incredibly intense trigger for me, I teeter between being okay with it a little bit to absolutely feeling degraded and unwanted whenever I’m aware someone I love uses it. I told him I snooped and he was upset, told me he wasn’t sure he trusted me as much, and that he didn’t know why I never could trust him. I haven’t talked to him about my frequent episodes of splitting toward him whenever I think about the fact that I’m married to someone who watches porn. He becomes this disgusting man I can’t believe I ever married, etc. 

And recently, I snooped on his FB messages. I know, I know.. but he’s been casually talking to his ex who he was with for 3+ years, and even though the conversations aren’t even that deep or serious, it’s creating a big rift in how I feel toward him because I can’t understand why he’d continue to talk to her being married to me.

My counselor says it’s okay for me to set a boundary with the porn and talking to the ex, but I’m afraid that even attempting to set these boundaries is just an extension of this disorder. Am I being unreasonable? Is it unfair for me to want these things? Is he deserving of this attitude I’ve developed about him, even if he doesn’t know I have it?

How could I even tell him I looked at his messenger if he reacted the way he did the last time I was honest about looking through his history. Ugh, what do I even do.. I’ve taken my wedding ring off and just tried to distance myself from the truth that I’m married so all of these things stop hurting my feelings. I’m starting to not even want him to come home.

Thanks for reading guys, even if you can’t relate. I’m really struggling with myself. I’m incredibly self aware and empathetic toward others so I suffer instead of making them suffer, but I’m steadily destroying myself in this relationship. I really love him underneath it all, but I fear that feeling is going to fade with this demonizing attitude I continue to create about him.",5.175657940224396,6.368032453471197,6.289697979194822,75.62413432226029,68.63072378138847,9.30675382633018,33.16348722461422,9.583734159087527,3.2421654923159124,2789,127,505,60,47,933,292,677,0.09300000000000001,0.8109999999999999,0.096,-0.9051,1,0,0,0,1,0,68.0,2,1,2,2,40,31,2,5,22,2,44,12,0,7,9,87,99,38,0,11,16,6,7,1,0,1,5,4,1,3,37,29,0,3,14,5,0,10,12,13,2,0,26,16,90,18,81,63,8,75,1,3,4,7,74,29,0,8,32,341,127,5,0.0,0.07307431970225729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934162903231183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932115790742216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075294342795537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057945319922880364,0.04742396292512755,0.0,0.03759626567598382,0.06811475372183616,0.15744163435658218,0.06948615790727823,0.0,0.0,0.06733269312696462,0.0,0.2330310111767293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625441925171454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696860863139173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519684804302447,0.0,0.0,0.07068443851972091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372635178019784,0.0687834855281489,0.4480904313103475,0.11157641908857716,0.0,0.0,0.055429156566928935,0.0,0.0,0.06940107517554052,0.21829172749462064,0.04406034885889872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762301907088132,0.0,0.0,0.03222243465368396,0.0,0.0701021965960511,0.0,0.049326814272068725,0.0,0.06794152869592736,0.06106755364867754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186465566292286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602393832454455,0.0,0.0,0.19311678656981926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355789959837112,0.05027303321864633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871251923688156,0.03013109582558003,0.06181415491955612,0.0,0.0,0.10358226710721706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699121201240133,0.0,0.041168276556159386,0.0,0.12392085711613543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430698803545745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049228079874985634,0.0,0.04533792973272606,0.0,0.04756725611694192,0.0,0.06559164020068449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656814395810857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338258647407165,0.0,0.07902066017409176,0.0,0.12179246038753674,0.1986463283261528,0.0,0.10533954832005857,0.0,0.0980922398253911,0.0,0.0,0.04914667372336992,0.0,0.06434006188285317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567700734834601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730720318392357,0.0,0.0,0.05156272989241576,0.0,0.12895137254154074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812758363978345,0.0,0.0,0.19828683948228,0.053906321626781516,0.05678168839473164,0.0,0.0,0.08194773178691069,0.039518595427886466,0.0605949845182077,0.0,0.035962957107817536,0.07088588369328265,0.0,0.17679817913269044,0.06852275347315835,0.08374601430938336,0.0,0.0,0.06420543701696574,0.0,0.053267055127837235,0.0,0.0,0.07275455781839328,0.09790885862880344,0.04947164654315885,0.0,0.11090575022205493,0.1143459501406623,0.11130347305863664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914926716461258
bpd,be_dare_witch,2019/08/21,"Can BPD and NPD w/little sociopathic tendencies function in a relationship? So I‘ve known this guy for almost 6 years. In the beginning we had a kind of relationship but then he cheated. A year later he reached out to me and apologized and we talked through everything. We kinda wanted to try it again but I was too afraid and got in a RS with another guy for 3 years (BPD logic haha). But in the meantime me and guy1 met sometimes. After my RS we also met a few times but there was nothing really big between us. Now, about a month ago he messaged me again. It has almost always been me to message first and we met 4-5 times now. He is in a RS but wants to end it (not bc of me). 
We never had such a beautiful time together. No kissing or more, just two people who know each other very well and are almost soulmate-like sitting through the night and talking about everything. 
But it is taking a turn. He often makes positive comments which are direct but confusing for me. I don’t know how to take all of this. He wants to be with me but first needs his free time after that RS. He also knows that I still love him. I really can’t distinguish if those are his real feelings towards me or if it is NPD. 
I told him last year about my BPD and yesterday he told me about his NPD w/slight sociopathic tendencies. This is a bad mix I know. But I can’t get rid of him and he feels like a drug to me. 
He changed a lot and me too. Our depressions are also much better. Maybe now we are mature enough for a good RS? 

Tl;dr BPD girl in love w/NPD guy for way too long & now we’re meeting again and it is better than ever. Is it his NPD or real feelings?",1.5727058823529418,3.4985394323529415,3.442573529411767,89.30533088235296,79.67647058823529,6.602941176470589,22.095588235294123,7.645422480735847,0.8826176470588241,1277,39,275,20,32,429,172,340,0.063,0.7929999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.9859,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,9,0,0,4,26,16,1,2,16,1,22,4,0,2,3,67,47,32,0,6,16,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,16,23,0,0,10,0,1,0,6,5,1,3,11,3,36,12,36,35,7,43,0,1,0,3,47,9,0,12,33,188,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641815263431646,0.0,0.25897444949364223,0.0,0.0,0.2068214168616501,0.07173192642876558,0.09340628569080373,0.0,0.0,0.0903965598137255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719800434163413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248786518985008,0.0,0.0,0.4343036173440091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119658803037142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425078727971325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997386122465958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635466226882186,0.08907586470525697,0.0,0.0,0.0779800328544737,0.0,0.0,0.15495630655626216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307680003735001,0.061586981902849836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665688883853245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045040099574277334,0.0,0.0,0.0723071444539399,0.06894837868006529,0.0,0.0,0.2560782938957252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977232146465043,0.18951055514325485,0.0702709912023953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421168533927358,0.08640302083313585,0.0,0.07629132938269231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329092244998567,0.15561209444918858,0.0,0.05754448089721907,0.0,0.08660748022034419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881036902549313,0.0,0.06337276781225804,0.06392210798279384,0.06648889120292698,0.0,0.0,0.08090032801596336,0.0,0.08271886004739905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976574298078696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624705740670906,0.11045404982330584,0.0,0.0,0.18511016737322805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526187407732379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884578603964879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963531031717904,0.13858138111748147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107421261371133,0.0,0.0,0.16475079507535798,0.0,0.05852954415119342,0.09376950227774224,0.08421264775213758,0.0,0.10369755809672564,0.0,0.0,0.07113059318002353,0.15254306031690448,0.06842786383525147,0.0,0.0,0.07751130675022079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206039218631907
bpd,dekuprincess,2019/08/21,"In DBT effective when CBT doesn’t necessarily help you? I’ve tried CBT and never found it particularly helpful for me at all and now that I know my diagnoses and that DBT is usually the go to, is it really that effective from your personal experiences? 

I’m great when it comes to hindsight and realizing unhealthy behaviors and stuff but in the moment o forget absolutely everything I know and all ~wisdom~ goes out the window and it’s getting discouraging.",6.540714285714286,8.265155452380956,7.9914285714285755,62.70357142857142,65.9047619047619,12.266666666666667,35.42857142857143,11.855464076750405,5.0954428571428565,374,18,61,14,6,129,59,84,0.095,0.7809999999999999,0.124,0.1297,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,3,21,10,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,9,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,8,9,2,12,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773238350112496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26833120742134264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23759979169506534,0.2586057666882129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28986937994685497,0.0,0.0,0.13812304274157114,0.0,0.15024824785558802,0.0,0.0,0.29147018608238995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544048911085769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29058299998719145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038993707444286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308387383452496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936296310318366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026417786974556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949069395612402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911675314833072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eightyvenice,2019/08/21,"im ending it all. fuck this, honestly. im so tired of trying to be a normal, functioning member of society. im tired if being kicked down and spat by this mental illness everytime i try to advance and make lifestyle changes to be better. im tired of being useless, having a decaying/inexistent relationship with my family, and constantly feeling like i dont belong no matter where i run off to. i cant do this anymore.

im not meant to thrive in the world. theres no possible way for me to live a healthy and happy life with bpd. figuring out what the hell im meant to be doing in the world is hard enough without having an existential crisis or rage fit at any little thing that goes wrong. i punched and broke my laptop screen last night, called off of work from a job i just got hired for, and peed in a garbage can because im too depressed and anxious to leave this room even just to go to the bathroom. fuck this being the way my life goes. happy for 2 days, confidently making decisions, then looking back and wondering why the fuck i've done that and wanting to completely change the course of my life and book a plane ticket anywhere else.

people can tell something is wrong with me. people can see how anxious and antisocial i am and they make me feel like shit for it. people can tell im a crazy person, that im not stable and that i have issues. no one in their right mind should trust me with any commitment i make. i can just disappear from peoples lives after having a mental breakdown and go onto the next thing and repeat the cycle over over and fucking over. im done with this. im not gonna ever be fulfilled and im tired of pretending like i am gonna be just because some liars say so. its physically impossible for my brain to function no matter how hard i try to impliment dbt techniques and im giving up on life indefinitely.",3.838926640926642,5.25708174594595,5.063030888030892,82.29925675675678,72.08108108108108,7.8803088803088785,26.72779922779923,8.418075326091056,1.8058069498069504,1466,50,287,24,28,486,194,370,0.188,0.687,0.125,-0.9765,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,3,14,21,8,0,18,0,28,16,3,6,3,58,50,25,0,4,10,0,4,3,0,3,9,1,1,1,16,24,0,0,7,3,0,5,10,13,0,1,5,8,23,8,49,34,3,40,1,3,3,4,9,22,6,5,14,180,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295631255984356,0.0,0.0,0.12119957484317195,0.05319809531804506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041247111901933385,0.0,0.0653988946423735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744167355787896,0.0,0.0,0.06755977078368827,0.059881813270762814,0.054774114381997065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349149005509812,0.0,0.05624224147778315,0.05796755888803992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459442168339286,0.0,0.046201467994243225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097880483041498,0.06286760538660033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0448107090770689,0.0,0.047510573480317266,0.055426155910455736,0.0,0.03542979889651485,0.04852193658962529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505685664675097,0.0,0.05424565229337892,0.07664320009234364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983633361026445,0.0,0.05145795126614676,0.06097156309213855,0.0,0.042902121681777004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420505158673885,0.09610475058986752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7532483236236196,0.0559879381257318,0.05323105303732829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043725098007792486,0.0,0.05679875405617785,0.0,0.0,0.1515547135859416,0.07861979079275153,0.05376301784639438,0.0947331059931248,0.0,0.04504546962020725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322485133539314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811631777347966,0.0,0.054162767307132494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570484952398505,0.050339047604610734,0.0525574203494957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634896514449017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875344290031126,0.04683781308602991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047289199718816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057591049109588864,0.0,0.045809669513662735,0.0,0.0426579870515778,0.0,0.0,0.042745443983163205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055062375068900535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412959570103665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377031961128493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127424733485065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466127077216545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092574621720342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03163923049249135,0.08515647784283033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840323883910284,0.0,0.0,0.051708629063760274,0.05817207297974548,0.0390517545335349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729743030896593,0.0,0.0
bpd,Shift3y,2019/08/21,"DAE stalk and lurk? I'm not sure if this is just me, if I'm just a creep, but I stalk and lurk constantly. A lot of it is to find out whether or not they talk about me, or simply to look at their pictures. Not doing anything weird; just look.

I don't have a personal Facebook but I have a fake account to lurk, check up on people. Before I date anyone I check up on them/research them a fuckton to see what I find. I still check up on all of my exes and wish I could stop. I have a fake discord to see if my ex mentions me in this group chat we used to be in together, and she still does a whole year later...not gonna lie, that makes me feel good. 

And I've even gotten myself into message conversations with people I know, while pretending to be somebody else, just so I could observe and see what they say I guess. 

Makes me sound like a psycho :/",3.7863181818181815,3.6565455611111126,4.8207070707070745,89.64590909090911,71.16666666666667,7.6565656565656575,25.808080808080806,6.980632752743323,0.8621111111111115,651,17,152,5,11,214,104,180,0.14,0.782,0.078,-0.8751,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,4,0,9,6,0,0,8,0,11,0,0,3,2,40,27,16,0,6,15,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,6,10,0,1,4,2,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,8,26,3,22,21,3,18,0,0,5,0,15,11,0,7,8,102,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584005644896693,0.0,0.13633198851315576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097265194128095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790300134899757,0.0,0.264547435830058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497860856736924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839571657757432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094232273372286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376754212311578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30283807868067003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895582447267582,0.0,0.0,0.18250377385279784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104769533866787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093781232241055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782415264145922,0.0,0.0,0.1408463939810001,0.0,0.0,0.22117152730374556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970892167944754,0.14465632966930053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317471382924646,0.0,0.0,0.39605173443932856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26460795908494955,0.1385072278493262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614166449923492,0.0,0.0,0.1331589721539092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308536721868104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496422412177027,0.1905118970437072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066858092378117
bpd,luna28_,2019/08/21,"Tapering medication I am currently working towards tapering off my medications (SSRI and mood stabilizer). 

I have been on various forms of SSRIs and SNRIs for the past ten years with little results, even though various doctors have been convinced that I have improved on them. I never felt like they did much past the first few weeks of positive adjustment (eg. waking up earlier in the morning). 

One of the main reasons I haven’t stopped taking medication is because my doctors say they see improvement, they don’t want to taper, and my own fear of what will happen if I get off them and realize that I do want to be back on a medication and I have to wait 6-8 weeks to get back to a therapeutic dosage. 

After having an unusual (and scary) experience with geodon and excessive weight gain on lamictal. I have decided to finally taper off of medication. 

I am currently 6 months into DBT, working with a therapist I enjoy, and a BPD diagnosis. 

With this amazing support system I have right now, I have decided this is the time to see what will happen when I get off these medications.

I am excited, worried, but overall optimistic. Any advice is appreciated!",7.909606918238992,8.123984268867924,8.944339622641513,62.40238993710693,62.4433962264151,12.915723270440251,39.83647798742139,12.311054993355176,5.470093081761007,923,47,150,31,12,317,122,212,0.032,0.8290000000000001,0.139,0.9589,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,5,4,6,8,0,1,10,0,23,10,1,2,1,27,36,12,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,2,8,1,0,0,7,13,1,2,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,5,23,6,30,29,7,33,0,0,2,0,6,14,0,1,19,120,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671343711739427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742628490436226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679431395135882,0.0,0.0665700892772311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375393268407135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355099952144408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212858530753109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682301936873458,0.0,0.1228854963997874,0.0,0.0,0.10485350804672147,0.11962826317641835,0.0,0.0928893472762752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116463401808496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313847250657654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335183436611832,0.10945166328633688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6600726625364932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871660419805431,0.0,0.08027792057763793,0.0,0.08422529284339296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739998395396688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084962282603032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122804809046126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932601019011444,0.0,0.08684385330789868,0.0,0.0,0.17404379922411375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129990626990768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392404632868376,0.0,0.0,0.08210824227000997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679491700774126,0.0,0.0,0.10729293073663668,0.0,0.06367806010238805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882336376268766,0.0,0.1751946299907897,0.13298174039548805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900444800762972,0.11090253676212272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032415950406189
bpd,happyy420,2019/08/21,"Reading symptons and believe this is what I have :( I have no one to talk to, no on to help me

I feel so alone, never felt like this

the girl i loved and pourd my whole heart and soul into just wants to be friends

idk what to do :( ive woke up crying 6 days in a row now

im scared",0.498281249999998,1.2728235156249994,2.308250000000001,101.31175000000002,79.46875,5.120000000000001,19.05,3.1291,-0.8876525000000002,211,4,58,0,5,70,49,64,0.28600000000000003,0.59,0.124,-0.8633,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,9,11,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,7,3,9,8,1,7,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26644200717907723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898420011493697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28258615565530576,0.16591031695639488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300775230161069,0.0,0.2470083053914352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875711951693095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048523166252267,0.1724348114612673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778831028864553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568340765887687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321856540531861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841345553334944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432487767397342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25732791139747496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575604310154857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677447166462234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173760692711916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28721969763652194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RatherTouchingNotion,2019/08/21,"To the girls with BPD: Why are you so sexual A number of my ex girlfriends and old FWBs have BPD. It seems like BPD is intimately joined to the idea of sex, particularly violent sex and masochism. 

Is it purely validation, or it about a physical need?",3.9006250000000016,5.8654778125,5.560833333333335,76.56750000000002,72.95833333333334,9.8,26.583333333333336,10.125756701596842,2.784733333333334,197,7,39,6,4,67,37,48,0.128,0.794,0.077,-0.574,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,6,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8649315503725684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584172501030998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183634013019238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973762364297673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402078580369757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839568204633185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065602449826892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Arrhy_Nyx,2019/08/21,"It’s been 12 days and I don’t think I’ll make it much longer. Please help me. Quick background on myself. I’m 29 yo and I’ve had BPD, depression, and GAD for about 15 years. I’ve been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since I was 22. I’ve been on many different types of anti depressants and anti psychotics.

To make a very, very long story short (as short as I can), my boyfriend of almost 1 year officially broke up with me a month and a half ago. Wanted to feel less suffocated, wanted space, was unhappy. I gave him space. He came back because he missed me and wanted sex. This cycle continued for about 5 weeks. He wanted space and to be left alone and then realized he missed me and loved me and wanted to be intimate then wanted space again and so on. Almost 2 weeks ago him and I got into an argument. I said a lot of really mean things to him that I wish I never said. He told me it was completely over between us. He said he didn’t want to see or speak to me ever again and was going to cut contact and try dating others and move on. I did everything I could to get him not to. I cried, I begged, I told him things would get better, I told him how much I truly loved him, how sorry I was for everything I ever did to hurt him and make him feel less than he was. He kept telling me it was done. It was completely over. He no longer loved me. I broke. I snapped. I told him I couldn’t do it without him. I couldn’t live without him. I never said the words “I am going to kill myself.”, but what I said I guess made him believe I was going to try. I told him I was sorry for everything and that I will always love him and I blocked him. I deactivated my FB and logged out of all other social media and turned my phone off. I self harmed.

It has been almost 2 weeks since that day. I have still not been on social media. I tried reaching out to him 5 days ago and he told me I was insane, psycho, toxic, disgusting, pathetic, and to leave him alone forever. He told me I was no longer the girl he fell in love with and he was going to move on and find someone that wasn’t a crazy bitch. He blocked me. I contacted a mutual friend and she told me almost exactly the same thing as him. That I was insane, toxic, pathetic, and disgusting and that she never wanted to be in contact with me ever again and blocked me.

12 days. 12 days I have cried hysterically multiple times every day. 12 days I have barely eaten. 12 days I have slept as much as I can. 12 days I have not been able to go to work and I have lost my job. 12 days I think about killing myself multiple times every day. 12 days I have had multiple anxiety attacks and panic attacks to where I vomit and become debilitated and almost pass out.

12 days...how many more days must I bare this...I need help. I want him back. I want to go back to when everything was perfect. We were perfect. Please someone help me.",1.1017787114845952,3.153872336134455,2.9729621848739534,91.41059173669468,81.94117647058823,6.2523809523809515,19.160364145658267,7.42949916751922,0.3892515406162462,2220,55,491,34,60,741,226,595,0.17,0.7290000000000001,0.1,-0.9906,2,2,0,0,0,2,76.0,2,0,0,5,19,27,8,1,10,0,51,9,1,6,11,103,111,46,2,17,7,0,2,0,1,3,1,6,0,2,20,43,1,4,7,0,0,11,15,18,0,1,50,9,98,9,64,52,9,81,0,8,1,6,72,26,1,8,44,314,118,3,0.049096853387265715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056419457957075,0.0,0.2458170332078423,0.1016990665458976,0.0,0.0,0.04085251508512678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755895845726102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170951715980183,0.0,0.11325734906073015,0.0,0.029928986124359513,0.05422361722236802,0.0,0.0553153409906465,0.0,0.04342217700756605,0.0,0.0,0.061835768124429924,0.0,0.0,0.05615372072405013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295423333964522,0.0,0.0,0.039199842382411434,0.0,0.1078611760705692,0.4116243137947964,0.0,0.08457409576025589,0.0,0.0,0.05129576205712747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050243127078579614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133232744210055,0.08273243301738911,0.0,0.17650034416437088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049649688535972666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487363453146639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037932107136990835,0.0,0.05130215899390398,0.0,0.1674172393044805,0.0,0.03926723873670923,0.0,0.05408571923426735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872575772469523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255919699634247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872105121810432,0.0,0.1086367879379991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051986478711119714,0.0533438748607184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335342103700749,0.0434491702598548,0.0,0.0,0.05359501520977819,0.041740389029761384,0.22155913525571852,0.046456629787282544,0.09831759263794332,0.09955300655767167,0.0,0.053480866574505966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0391886399624117,0.1043643704211824,0.10827550918798297,0.03640469468268715,0.1135995601717874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057604578941940265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077872030217081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031452701476663784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23351175318793285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03912383555861421,0.0,0.05121872570877229,0.0,0.0,0.08122684894965987,0.0,0.0,0.10009611823155457,0.08319920909943793,0.0,0.0,0.10991981549690713,0.0,0.0,0.039208810536061366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291281389188094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978533033856562,0.0629185624130177,0.0,0.0,0.05725754007310153,0.0,0.0,0.3753131792876912,0.0,0.10000062194356593,0.05340327796898702,0.0,0.0,0.0590574694887669,0.0,0.0,0.0810200917658788,0.28958596183417673,0.0,0.11814760293216335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645895839175619,0.0946552292800506,0.0,0.035743094006631115,0.0,0.0,0.034876995988772995,0.0,0.0,0.06323352775566105
bpd,caeculius,2019/08/21,"How may I help someone with BPD? I've been friends with someone with BPD for almost a year already. I really do love them and want to help them through though it gets quite tough at times but I'm not sure if I'm handling it well.

I'm not their FP but I often take in a lot of her attacks and I don't really know what to do when this happens.

Any advice?

(And pardon me if this isn't where I should ask!)",0.07882646691635388,1.8858009775280917,1.9228464419475664,98.88991260923844,84.1685393258427,4.854431960049938,18.87765293383271,5.82211442006289,-0.45000474406991264,313,8,77,2,9,103,60,89,0.086,0.737,0.177,0.7353,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,6,6,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,21,17,10,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,10,4,10,14,1,6,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,6,3,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663513625630096,0.0,0.0,0.19125086269485628,0.0,0.2107643810179778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988108456098474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855170383539268,0.2172809309554017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810953840288651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755991720983336,0.0,0.09978541801654732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889356254613214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25603577436782443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496418825813086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237453741480798,0.17237770386625378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314346282816004,0.0,0.0,0.2447086848700857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236537417312219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800076652843632,0.0,0.1436021872950321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764863440150628,0.0,0.11136894982280478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265200849258952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717247123826703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299256256465445
bpd,earthyrat,2019/08/21,"psychiatric hospitals and your experience? a few years ago when my self harm and suicidal thoughts were at a high (life threateningly high), i was really considering voluntarily admitting myself into a psychiatric hospital because of how shitty my home situation was at the time. i ended up not being able to for personal reasons (and i couldn’t talk to my therapist about it because my mom had already taken me out of therapy by that time), but i still can’t help but think about how the experience would’ve affected me. would it have been good to get out of the crappy situation i was in, or would it have been even worse?

so, i was curious about your guys’ experiences in psychiatric hospitals. was it helpful? or did it just make it worse?",8.777174139728885,8.181097708029199,9.441397288842547,62.23131386861316,60.97080291970804,14.251929092805009,39.279457768508856,13.25671669890799,5.602306360792492,594,27,103,22,7,202,86,137,0.166,0.7390000000000001,0.095,-0.8748,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,6,0,17,1,0,5,0,23,23,11,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,12,0,15,1,19,7,1,17,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,2,7,80,22,0,0.1401880874138806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426828102722624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470104045884306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091471381743456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416503541986955,0.0,0.0,0.09259290959152708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113925484271397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324248962382174,0.0,0.0,0.11758311654400565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880824687944793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879302399109337,0.29623282242571336,0.1406200819141049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990189919947108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935766369271043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418659366031033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224068306231966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980807851846725,0.14413670215445734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462467490584904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151545678076275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119543876970599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334301418348045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267787443290612,0.0,0.0,0.16031729547073675,0.16276917448340886,0.0,0.08982686586794165,0.0,0.11129368224530173,0.16348960226753864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285727275356227,0.29875678531829225,0.0,0.0,0.0902765320475494
bpd,Jezzarella,2019/08/21,"Not sure if I’m having a manic episode or I’m genuinely happy following a break up from a toxic relationship. I ended it a few days again with a guy who has all the markers for Schizotypal PD. 
It was intense and incredible and he just got me in ways noone else had before.. but he struggles to connect unless in person and because of his work, is away alot. So I struggle with the need for constant reassurance and outpouring of love and affection which he cannot give over the phone. We were are very much in love but never going to work and I can’t do casual.
But now Im suuuuper bubbly and happy and full of energy... is this a manic episode?! I just thought having BPD Id be stalking him or dying somehow..",4.926262626262627,5.321931587412589,6.615058275058278,75.93574980574982,68.79020979020979,9.432478632478633,30.574203574203572,9.444778638647367,2.705118725718726,559,21,108,11,9,194,99,143,0.053,0.75,0.19699999999999998,0.976,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,6,9,0,2,10,0,13,2,0,1,3,29,23,16,1,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,11,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,0,8,7,17,17,5,18,0,0,0,2,15,7,0,5,7,79,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649316853828963,0.0,0.0,0.1070114975686705,0.0,0.14937711471451898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210946312317125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970336795234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132129493046001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218951863788346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664654843704947,0.0,0.1554820657528653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840016813489614,0.09976710327096174,0.0,0.14040054698617654,0.0,0.0,0.1738186027601824,0.0,0.3737449590557987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962030943475114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31687508243971896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904685266285318,0.13016548172855744,0.1353922582677689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328040477093993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884712102695038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670385672910242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545046864361496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936428691239588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448442208665587,0.0,0.13934061533404313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555998389985033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,invalidhuman-,2019/08/21,Pushing people away I feel like I keep pushing people away and can’t stop. I only have my best friend left and she just got married. I feel like I’m just nothing but annoying to her. I already don’t see her as much since she’s married and so I feel like I just keep isolating myself from her more and more so I don’t interfere in her marriage. I’m super lonely and I feel like it just keeps getting worse because she’s literally the only person left. I don’t know what to do anymore.,0.551764705882352,2.8542491764705886,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,86.64705882352942,4.968627450980391,22.225490196078432,6.42735559955562,0.5205137254901957,384,14,80,4,12,129,55,102,0.086,0.696,0.21899999999999997,0.9175,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,20,19,9,0,0,5,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,5,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,5,19,7,7,18,4,8,0,1,1,0,10,5,0,0,5,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193162734856625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455269988631043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757347821791256,0.0,0.0,0.08945155657707024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399494625093915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29678532407716296,0.4193253471208317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337123194060884,0.0,0.07666577742895829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736166447092565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912887014760403,0.0,0.0,0.08064465986076927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188676435824852,0.0,0.0,0.28675969535907553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078710428723465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408013253414926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320530012048947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034625674699058,0.128128015316535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693306199687595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138513553728228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268150485982868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954095505458165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myfirstthrowaway7898,2019/08/21,"I feel like I can ""read"" minds This is my first post, I've been dealing with this for a while now, it gets worse and worse the older I get. I feel like I know EXACTLY who hates me, likes me, is attracted to me, and is repulsed by me. It's been this way for a while, I can predict when a guy will ask me out/ text me, when someones feelings toward me start turning sour, when a friend or person is being fake.. etc. It's been driving me crazy because of how incredibly accurate I've been, I don't think I've ever been wrong because my negative predictions always come true. But now I'm starting to think I'm making some of these things happen. When I don't trust someone, I become more standoffish towards them, I try my best not to be snappy but when they say untrustworthy things I call them out and conflict arises. I'm so tired of my problematic personality. I doubt there's even anything wrong with these people but I get so paranoid and scared and I don't know what to do. I'm starting college in a few days and the fact that I won't have a minute to myself to keep myself from mind reading is terrifying. Am I the only one that feels like this? Idek if this makes any sense.",2.9804458460200074,4.399458632231409,4.151748586341888,87.98231187472817,74.24793388429751,6.912918660287082,24.720313179643327,7.475848149327749,1.0129471074380167,927,29,198,11,19,303,137,242,0.195,0.736,0.069,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,2,13,15,1,2,9,0,22,1,0,3,4,38,48,21,0,1,6,0,4,4,1,2,1,1,0,3,16,11,0,2,8,2,0,2,6,6,0,2,5,6,33,9,20,39,5,25,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,4,20,135,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969951287590326,0.0,0.0,0.07927123001802558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592673307420464,0.0,0.10897670921588183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211932150128195,0.12874180997925608,0.0,0.0,0.12233245632206227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903045172814425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041426787376843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517765803624896,0.12017799453165184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300057614498433,0.07699302882157727,0.1054437501391308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23576408563133103,0.2498317361717312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991539229775108,0.0,0.0,0.09006127549765837,0.0,0.1827081945944273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542209225100225,0.10308198834659256,0.0,0.0,0.11508820812726485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361229193550507,0.0,0.0,0.1281270531300304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22779979967834854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562203921960133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354038484110416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899048281867421,0.08865632701786165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808145859787756,0.2035679120508405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164131973734398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332020103524477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270071320827268,0.11670636499139515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753785005485952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475253909313113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488713879852667,0.14938600597459256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397944600842984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914301140079094,0.1267940985264367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925274113472598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375884767382426,0.0,0.2549008098762743,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilaclavender69,2019/08/21,To the girls with BPD: do you ever think ..... you’re a succubus or something similar as if you’re a Goddess Men fall in love with me and think I’m amazing but i am poisonous on the inside and i ghost them before they realize it,1.938125,3.4155398958333367,3.84,88.905,77.125,6.466666666666668,26.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.240358333333333,177,7,38,2,4,60,38,48,0.157,0.745,0.098,-0.6124,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,6,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34234576314602144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067095478525259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639226164484585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631106482646504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097265645239922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155824416651094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vlutty,2019/08/21,"Senses overload during behavioral episode. Anybody else? How to deal? Hey fellow bpd friends, i don’t know if this effects any of you but I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling extra behavioral or escalated any sort of noise (music, talking, misc noise) or feeling any sort of touch is absolutely crippling and irritating to deal with. Just me? My brain keeps saying that I’m making this up and making a big deal of nothing but it’s been a huge issue lately. I snap way more often if I’m in a situation or environment where it’s not completely quiet or someone touches me or gets too physically close to me (as a gesture or by accident). Anybody else dealing with this? Is this BPD related? Looking for a friends take on this..",3.945,6.12576821014493,5.397898550724636,76.8451086956522,73.42028985507247,7.7884057971014515,32.51449275362319,8.59863814320734,2.9462057971014493,575,29,100,11,12,193,90,138,0.045,0.856,0.1,0.7554,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,4,0,28,16,15,0,2,12,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,15,15,2,10,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,11,2,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29160234115226474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600435500277268,0.15956286101927075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498647497488758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5894393136483441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388078968921389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454457881311658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208626322252896,0.0,0.07467769871914381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918712547192498,0.0,0.12704729863816885,0.0,0.0,0.07855340171787767,0.0,0.16123703674655168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002949837302668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908205997771044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715009885410098,0.1627325770174632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136677412972744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066505921342514,0.0,0.0,0.12110846000725142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746941879273522,0.11488583201406224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345524205727725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spideylola,2019/08/21,"mood stabilizers longtime lurker, first time poster. 

I am just curious on what medications ya'll have taken/are taking; mostly in regards to mood stabilizers. I was prescribed  Lamotrigine today and I just wondered if anyone had any experience with this medication.",8.267142857142858,11.900586428571431,8.733571428571429,51.14892857142861,65.66666666666667,10.866666666666667,36.69047619047619,10.686352973137794,5.556076190476191,218,11,25,7,4,72,37,42,0.0,0.941,0.059000000000000004,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,4,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186732320688725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484367360345567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145494039825417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735205295145536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6478799039538352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417746551324776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750542692330105,0.0,0.30480323979842866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34872034422498904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sayori_ori,2018/12/27,"I have no idea what to do anymore I've been out of work for months now because I walked out of my last job because I convinced myself everyone hated me and wanted me gone and I've been so scared about working again because I can tell that I'm not in a spot mentally where I can hold down a job. I already deal with suicidal ideation every day and I'm scared that working will just make me suicidal again because I never feel like I'm good enough for anyone no matter what job I'm doing. No amount of med adjustments or new meds are helping and I love my counselor but he doesn't really understand bpd and it's just not helping but I've seen him since I was 16 and I can't imagine going a week without seeing him, I'm so paranoid that he's getting tired of me not getting better and that he'll give up on me. The only thing anyone tells me is ""do dbt"" but I've done dbt and had horrible experiences with it and did dbt in my inpatient treatment and it makes me feel worse and hate myself even more. I feel so pathetic. Things might be a little easier if I wasn't single again but no one is ever going to love me if I'm a 20something adult who can't keep a job and moved back with her parents and can't just get over mental illness. I need out of this house and away from my emotionally abusive family so badly but even when I worked full time making 80$ a day in tips I couldn't make enough to move out and now my credit is so screwed anyway. My fp tries to understand but he's getting tired of me and he just will never feel the same about me as I feel about him. I feel so alone and like my life is just spiraling down further and further and there's no crawling out of it anymore. No matter how skinny I get or how pretty I try to be and no matter what I do to try to make an identity for myself none of it is enough because I'm not enough. I feel so selfish and stupid and immature for even typing any of this. I just don't know what to do anymore, it feels like giving up is the only way out of all of this but knowing I can't makes it even harder.",3.789915584415585,3.991638004545458,5.1008441558441575,86.48090909090912,71.22727272727272,8.012987012987013,26.623376623376625,7.83500028581142,1.3423149350649353,1622,48,358,19,28,543,193,440,0.21600000000000005,0.713,0.071,-0.9973,5,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,5,33,17,4,2,11,0,34,8,1,8,4,90,79,44,2,5,22,1,8,3,0,4,4,0,0,1,21,31,1,2,15,0,1,6,23,8,0,1,9,10,47,9,48,63,11,45,0,0,2,3,21,21,1,5,20,248,68,10,0.0,0.08206264721591901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173323512372161,0.07643094506361638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709967590793621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606411923663107,0.09685743478046872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507274191562548,0.05325723119917526,0.057829821998904164,0.2111035107391441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125549306712376,0.0,0.0,0.08723147310155112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893348905578941,0.07140477815746546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087778030788935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779090063819093,0.0,0.2862594216848732,0.0,0.18298425311892255,0.06265030146424065,0.058355157737023676,0.06618160188010459,0.0,0.06775029044225259,0.06529285837452267,0.0,0.2801624756280826,0.09895976806490707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092938108745665,0.13288241921677985,0.07872494539480515,0.05809261976731575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676127650313194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284802351569292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799175908577344,0.0,0.07818694112257334,0.0,0.0,0.27492237568775524,0.061562124986972826,0.0,0.0,0.07612777896963513,0.056456744398107765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489209065107474,0.1015118921546625,0.06941745347452072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250210377176604,0.0,0.2773924768055942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386612919013293,0.0,0.13959706429278051,0.0734746962993544,0.0,0.0,0.05528325913067977,0.1472264038644482,0.0,0.0513559585544856,0.1068362996373756,0.06689245095390962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046932867570302204,0.1053518223138402,0.0,0.0,0.07690585148660928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046306875871458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044370201358406886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868415984558566,0.0,0.05519183981499588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057293196997391826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152000863323206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107387307581835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202751159606444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038649246417676,0.1592100560035957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410704811761239,0.0,0.0,0.14420573872559522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04085177690279995,0.05497594885389394,0.05555678511963589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676487846199945,0.0,0.2016905644080668,0.0,0.07058260765782796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cami-p,2018/12/27,"Is anyone else bad at taking constructive criticism? I have social anxiety, anxiety and BPD and I'm not sure which issue this is related to.

But I basically hate being criticised even if it's constructive, for example, I'm at Uni and we have feedback from our tutors about our essays, what our strengths were, weaknesses etc, a pretty normal thing right?

90% of the time I've been at Uni I avoid reading my feedback because I feel like it's a personal attack on myself and my capability even though deep down I know it's not. I could get an A on an assignment and still have ways to improve but I will ignore the positives and see what I did wrong and take it so personally.

Is this a BPD trait? Does anyone else feel this way? Like I'm being judged.",2.4388063063063044,4.839075358108111,4.283675675675679,81.92438738738741,79.20270270270271,8.000720720720723,24.055855855855857,8.841846274778883,2.057409369369369,595,21,114,15,15,201,92,148,0.17300000000000001,0.726,0.10099999999999999,-0.784,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,4,0,0,1,6,11,2,1,8,0,13,1,0,0,1,21,24,12,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,8,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,3,15,4,12,17,1,12,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,1,4,77,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222669961707788,0.0,0.0,0.20352493023895948,0.29823856993876463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556871469607926,0.0,0.0,0.1215168511816895,0.08871766507912429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665961114471909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619900765053608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735992237630847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24315404727233125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623116052177281,0.19225089656393954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717519733260007,0.10397126424793156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603678488381402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368710735927814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190223535952832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998302318845975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422035098357336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259481422391473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541536175574859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806288423851846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455758276332632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428732747006573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597370272676248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483560762146854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622559170014565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716637555594532,0.0,0.21885058641307356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966879461556364,0.0,0.14298881671631333,0.0,0.08486347052240259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310401092217574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912125416948925,0.0,0.0
bpd,ZestycloseTreacle,2018/12/27,"How to respond to these questions? my \[27m\] girlfriend \[25f\] has BPD, and i love her. sometimes (once a week maybe) she has this ""bad mood"" period (i'm not really familiar with the terms, so i'm going to use this phrase). during this, she usually blames herself for her behavior (she usually says ""sorry that i'm whining so much""), and i of course try to reassure her (a hug, a smile, some kind words, etc) that this doesn't change that fact that i love her.

after this, she usually asks me, why am i so nice to her. i'm not sure how to respond to her. when i try to express my true feelings (""because i love you"", ""because you are important to me"", etc), she usually rejects these with ""no, you can't feel like that, because i'm a bad person"". it feels like i'm just reinforcing her ""feeling bad about feeling bad"" mood.

am i doing the right thing? how should i respond to her questions to break her endless loop? i know there is no magic answer to these questions, i just don't want to make the situation worse.",4.560657692307694,5.1192439350000045,5.3370000000000015,84.2006153846154,69.65,8.553846153846155,29.884615384615394,8.617729084823388,2.106607692307693,777,29,161,12,13,253,105,200,0.172,0.672,0.156,-0.3875,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,3,0,0,11,19,0,0,7,0,11,4,0,5,3,30,31,9,0,2,4,0,5,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,15,4,0,0,10,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,0,6,32,11,19,30,5,12,0,2,0,4,33,1,0,4,11,104,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959695855718567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35581308250859656,0.19483042214596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341786048408414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112701165355182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23763203217423626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26933949963771664,0.15221895426280918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054697326359002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109410501447344,0.05854950517622263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409640450306973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884592192518802,0.0,0.07111373568839847,0.0,0.10702992469474858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831635961913692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134575679317334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093023293903729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35803475229442244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824981286109197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098132619845054,0.0,0.08472185623935459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197511439394951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536701839855046,0.11925854513571366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040910052491317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077791233995971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466216282894875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201306433347943,0.469338258397258,0.0,0.06283780653005545,0.0,0.08545690737237596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613234298860188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085694816884554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NicoB33,2018/12/27,"I permanently deleted all social media a few months ago, and have pushed away every potential lover. Should I feel bad about wanting to isolate and be alone? I can’t handle relationships. I didn’t like comparing myself to other people on social media. I just told a very sweet, romantic and nice guy to leave me alone because I prefer it...

I feel like I’m so fucked up. I have a nice career but socially I’m a mess. I’m charismatic and outgoing but prefer to keep relationships only surface level. I most certainly will die alone, but I’m ok with that. ",3.2442056074766366,5.5579043084112145,5.014775700934582,78.16702336448598,76.00934579439252,8.018317757009347,24.718691588785052,8.841846274778883,2.1569371962616817,439,15,78,10,10,149,70,107,0.19399999999999998,0.605,0.201,-0.0302,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,1,0,4,1,7,2,0,0,2,19,17,8,1,4,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,11,8,9,12,3,8,0,0,0,2,8,5,1,1,4,46,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437748136159799,0.0,0.0,0.5039508705344198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523861981124959,0.0,0.13542485613041774,0.09887169485327632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833131861060738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665507808677016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401988473954546,0.11587111882467405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149945341924106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059713434903874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416509737141456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173957174040996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584791711887816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946136016698756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335551871661908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244459937159622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34827038988845305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49600775732924296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498290679960222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338266815450275,0.09566596988381602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lordofthstrings,2018/12/27,"New relationship with a girl who has BPD I've been in a relationship with a girl with BPD for  a little over a month now. She's on meds and just started DBT. Things were great in the first few weeks but as she gets closer to me she crosses more and more boundaries. Almost exclusively through text I should note. I seriously considered leaving. However, I love her and I understand that she doesn't mean some of the terrible things she says so I decided to do some research about how to keep myself safe while still having a relationship with her. The biggest thing I feel I need to do is set and reinforce boundaries and we talked about it when she was rational and she agreed. I told her I'd write a list of rules and guidelines for her and I'm going to post that below. I'm looking for some thoughts and opinions on my list and maybe a heads up about what other boundaries I might need to set in the future. I know not everyone is the same but I'd like to hear some opinions and ideas nonetheless.

Three loving warnings will be given if these are violated. After the third, messages will be blocked. If it is before 5:00 p.m. my time the block will be lifted by 8:00 p.m. if not otherwise stated.  If it is after 5:00 p.m. the block will be lifted when I wake up the next morning. If at any time you are suicidal or thinking about hurting yourself when I have to block you I will notify your mom and sister


In general if I feel uncomfortable with something you are saying I will tell you and we can have a calm conversation about it. If not, the warnings will be given and the communication block will be put in place if necessary. It is ultimately up to me to decide what I can handle but below are some examples of what I consider unacceptable, not calm behavior:


1. Insults, including but not limited to, I hate you, you're trash, kill yourself etc.


2. Insulting my family or loved ones


3. Threatening to leave me


4. Threatening to hurt yourself


In addition, here are a few other boundaries:


1. No calls or video after 9:00 p.m. my time


2. Texts will not be answered after midnight my time (unless we are in the middle of saying goodnight obviously)


3. If I am out of the house and you have a crisis you are welcome to message me and I will respond when I get home or am on my way home if someone else is driving. If you spam me with messages though I'll have to put the block in place until I get home

Notes:

1. If I am away from my phone, for whatever reason, and I come back to find you've violated my boundaries and you haven't sent an apology I will put the block up immediately.


2. I will do my best to keep you informed of any additions to the list or changes in the rules

",3.631523273474493,5.232701924953098,4.812193781827926,83.16467323327082,72.90243902439025,8.153113553113554,27.32462253193961,8.77342768361299,2.0259470561958364,2118,78,425,41,42,698,242,533,0.177,0.7390000000000001,0.084,-0.9956,1,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,3,11,0,3,17,20,6,0,29,0,53,5,2,2,1,103,82,50,2,15,29,2,2,1,0,14,0,4,3,2,17,31,0,11,15,1,0,8,9,10,0,4,8,7,66,10,71,53,12,65,0,2,1,3,57,28,0,26,25,311,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912036738470895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104572820534233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361817018541272,0.06843529396364925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573220979951176,0.0,0.09339971926312418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418407304205712,0.0,0.09087866874758843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414990681964762,0.0766653814645158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434784902515885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925821803198924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850430500735513,0.0,0.0,0.08390101880956541,0.0,0.09000186897384402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134413517126161,0.0757031195838644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394960470446646,0.0,0.050580594025034085,0.0,0.0,0.09812250966683203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786880156549229,0.09133939302177772,0.0,0.10030915700577912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26782193864331155,0.0,0.0,0.10269373191335557,0.190552090090472,0.1004698550668309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582140875763607,0.09846500795922386,0.0,0.048911920647006654,0.0,0.0,0.18847571388004736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043480769490436014,0.08920110429643101,0.0,0.0,0.07473735282408994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24097717648475125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941218491545215,0.09694679036221714,0.09885862957083888,0.0,0.0,0.09441464242350693,0.0,0.10423540083984563,0.071038730416298,0.0,0.0,0.13198433494663675,0.0,0.08595648782152022,0.0946522159225411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030851616597732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597153745422265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523713358767969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684079128702003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150653893147408,0.0,0.28665718837674065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123284576175695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540917714589207,0.06851633550086654,0.0,0.0,0.06299446257231775,0.0,0.07107529437833435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735125257835868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153460672675463,0.07778968140752217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773823854623522,0.05702742934848611,0.08744177674002697,0.0706558393176881,0.20758581861758094,0.0,0.0,0.0850430500735513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265185120142086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064383814239747,0.07139021003773953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GossamerThin_,2018/12/27,"New Diagnosis I've been shopping around for trauma-informed therapists for what I believed to be complex PTSD. I had a plan, I had reasonable expectations for treatment, and most importantly I was accepting of it. 

Today I met with a therapist I've been considering for some time. Her profile and treatment specialties aligned with me and my goals; I was excited to meet her. After 3 hours of sharing the most honest truths about myself she diagnoses me with borderline personality disorder. 

​

This is jarring and I don't know how to accept it. I'm afraid to share this with my partner. He's the most loving, most selfless person I know, which means he won't make the decision to prioritize himself. This is going to be a long, difficult journey and I don't want to burden anyone else with what comes next. 

​

I'm fighting every instinct to pack up and run, to not make drastic changes in response to this new information, but it all feels so heavy. I hate that I'm unable to see past the stigma, I know better than this. If I'm struggling this hard with this diagnosis, how can I expect anyone else to understand and accept it?

​

Help.",5.664583333333336,7.405235365740744,6.282407407407407,74.06583333333336,68.02777777777777,9.103703703703703,33.407407407407405,9.516144504307137,3.379051851851852,933,43,157,20,16,304,127,216,0.08,0.78,0.139,0.8685,0,0,0,0,2,0,36.0,0,0,0,3,5,16,2,2,7,0,14,2,0,5,2,45,33,12,0,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,15,15,0,0,13,1,1,4,4,6,0,0,7,3,21,10,30,23,6,16,0,0,1,1,17,3,0,6,9,106,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506231480958503,0.3932124290123528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084691713744866,0.22104598583536167,0.0,0.09602493726684004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215297254199424,0.0,0.09540003106476308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141095039958227,0.09291829326315183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948323395872583,0.0,0.0,0.12362549122700466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802188969059447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088301443922422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054541045096176126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130358160701061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662808564878307,0.10649681664106846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230130625177307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622775153488108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784345815246952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095459336177596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735462311064984,0.0,0.1440047772553058,0.0,0.0,0.11749932141102255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083581922035376,0.1147183016518157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297172673651976,0.0,0.1883714670377911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609132597183995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090574725524754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595642560745231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276652335858005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504849445890278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289840213117386,0.0,0.10224576996146532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229386349942297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636230416316667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932124290123528,0.0
bpd,IceThaDon,2018/12/27,"Why Cant I push Past this. Do I have a demeanour that gives people the impression that I feel inferior? But I am not, underneath the surface  a big Shark that will eat your face is waiting. So why do some of the people that dont even really know me shit on me? I truly feel like family members of mine might want to behave as though I am inferior and don’t matter. They treat themselves good and there Bum friends better then ME. But if I cut them out I am withdrawn and all that bull shit. I been angry every day Since the 23rd. 

However, I need to know if the issue is me or not, is it them. I think the reason this is happening to me is I'm not around people who treat me the right way.

",1.9574597701149443,3.4046654758620716,3.770775862068966,89.54972701149427,77.0,7.040229885057474,21.048850574712645,7.793537801064563,0.6695402298850572,534,13,120,8,12,180,89,145,0.12,0.723,0.157,0.4277,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,3,1,6,12,3,0,9,0,17,4,3,1,1,26,28,12,0,4,8,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,1,6,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,2,22,7,10,25,2,12,0,2,0,0,7,7,2,5,4,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464645407915964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364005375197454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203417603872116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359699703829412,0.0,0.0,0.17775757669416192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473954855831943,0.0,0.14636547879219045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637665092221052,0.0,0.17567476670058416,0.12410465840275345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421461983440985,0.0,0.0,0.1666467855281693,0.0,0.14570698523090836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361885340023534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131716649087454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094248478412207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487017128959942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842880650143932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881019868943214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583413500140895,0.3613039746866103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112886335633844,0.1786117339745067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835480198338094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356639453495514,0.14370188575016346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113119145252508,0.17067771929439654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246377728658722,0.1378898008007606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135081736919192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mngneiss,2018/12/27,"reaching out to friends and being ignored i have people in my life who say they’re always there for me, and i do the same in return. yet when i actually reach out when i need them i get ignored and it’s super discouraging when i’m trying to get out of a suicidal headspace. 

does this happen to anyone else? it’s one of the things that makes me feel so alone and adding it on top of feelings of abandonment and rejection sucks. ",4.172758620689656,5.069837482758622,5.120172413793107,84.17956896551726,70.72413793103449,8.098850574712644,27.143678160919546,8.344100000000001,1.6703195402298854,339,11,70,5,6,111,61,87,0.24100000000000002,0.642,0.11699999999999999,-0.9234,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,17,12,9,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,7,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,3,9,2,14,11,1,12,0,3,0,0,4,7,1,0,5,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.2573535809982031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27313534465385225,0.0,0.0,0.21943693618302754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843998028628073,0.2702132531784865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307839590092449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030499324907096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666904476278372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375013278284168,0.0,0.27556659769266945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332075433873204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627388877060644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603576553695816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554572459495445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870412420823534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283088411727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097214648680029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884678887590465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520446452801333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904919725642102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MattMan333,2018/12/27,"Don't know what to do anymore My FP has met and moved on with newer friends, and despite her telling me it's not true i still feel like I'm just no longer a best friend anymore or really a friend in general. I'm close to just giving up on myself because i have no one else to run too who can relate to my problems or their just not interested hearing about them. Why this has to happen to the person who probably cares about her the most is beyond me :(",4.186350877192987,4.426386810526316,5.117631578947371,86.57258771929827,70.36842105263158,8.017543859649122,27.41228070175439,7.793537801064563,1.4040175438596494,357,11,78,4,6,117,68,95,0.131,0.675,0.19399999999999998,0.8406,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,1,8,9,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,17,16,4,0,1,7,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,2,11,8,14,15,2,10,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,3,3,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40613164059473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481913222360976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21488184547468056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876535720316075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710497968478013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353225820083199,0.146279807612657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745886823475061,0.0,0.0,0.19642340618043613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810676296141743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307781751965226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125301431017209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003486160855027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176263187952233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874993794227955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787875839987656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207647388572175,0.1959266254448287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117380214928476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635207315842825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896831416211134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476306982700624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NiceTryLoser18,2018/12/27,"Advice when reading about pwBPD When you’re reading about people with BPD online and especially when reading or hearing the accounts from the loved ones of people with BPD be sure to remember who they are describing is not you. 

It’s not you. They aren’t talking about you. Just because this person may have behaved similar to you or experienced a similar symptom doesn’t mean that you are the same at them. It doesn’t mean you are awful. 

Ask yourself this: Are you actively and daily trying to be better and be good to those around you? Are you listening when others respectfully tell you how you make them feel and making changes accordingly? Are you making progress? If yes then take solace in knowing that despite your past mistakes you have hope and can become a person you’re proud of. Learn from those stories and look at them objectively. Relate and use it as fuel to continue to be better all the while knowing that that is not you. You are your choices and if you want to make better choices there is a way. 

If the answer to those questions is no it’s never too late to make a change. Even when you feel hopeless or keep falling into the same pattern it’s not too late and there is hope. ",4.281762013729981,6.297016173913042,4.624965675057208,83.46467963386729,72.04347826086956,6.9290617848970255,27.32265446224256,7.669130373188453,1.6442173913043474,960,35,175,12,19,302,116,230,0.039,0.7959999999999999,0.165,0.9824,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,19,5,5,16,12,0,0,10,2,23,2,0,7,3,52,45,24,0,7,11,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,16,13,0,1,10,3,1,1,9,2,0,1,0,6,24,10,24,40,3,19,0,1,1,1,34,5,0,10,12,136,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025326215740508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043997218341123,0.10547803702182194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877830667988176,0.1246085837694696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993590021250745,0.0,0.0,0.2842033743593186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387120623750957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452118533306748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140974669338491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094633954788449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716425619956034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412538566381626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028584312487486,0.0,0.0,0.12401356354754685,0.0,0.2545475952091825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474628404714797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101830794327807,0.0,0.37656457357551415,0.0,0.0,0.2458034112805033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701915656536549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645451152883108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770616116471443,0.15644010455273002,0.19703241103764504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639208868989205,0.0,0.33857267013987824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781102401204866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633813497842524,0.11727047875477507,0.08483188064048917,0.09068608817449968,0.09861579213170353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660214321588747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744632312929008,0.0,0.0,0.06654830207231344,0.08955684007934138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,-Iolite-,2018/12/27,"FP snapped on me and now I'm positive she hates me that's all goodnight everybody So the details are,,, really dumb but here they are if anyone cares about this tiny dumbass situation

​

I have constant identity crisises and pick new names a lot. I tried to ask her about what name would be best from a small list and she got really mad. She said she didn't like any of them and that I ""stole"" one of the names from a guy who came to our school one time. I forgot that guy even existed. I got the name from a baby name website. I joked that you can't steal names or you'd have to be Jessie28744810391398018 but she flipped and said ""I didn't choose my name! My mom didn't even have a say in it! My shitty dad just blurted it out!"" and she,, was super pissed with me for a while and I kept apologizing and hauigheafajel;d shes mad at me im 

​

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bpd,Techdoggo,2018/12/27,"I did it again boys and girls. Another person pushed out of my life again I did so well these past months. Therapy is going well, I spiral less and less, I cut (ha ha) the splitting, I sometimes even think I am not that bad of a human.

But nothing lasts forever and here I am again, fighting with probably the Best FP I ever had because I felt left out. Because my mood swings harder than a Major League Batter.

Cheers to all of you for another relationship succesfully destroyed and living with that crippling feeling of knowing I'll never be loved. Don't worry, I'll pick the shattered pieces up myself. ",2.480590185676391,5.1631096982758615,3.6572413793103458,84.73497347480107,81.32758620689654,5.983023872679048,24.440318302387272,7.321109707123232,1.3728867374005302,479,18,86,7,13,155,83,116,0.11,0.732,0.159,0.7227,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,10,12,3,0,5,2,8,2,0,1,3,18,14,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,4,2,13,7,12,9,6,14,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,8,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397886261491322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584123911127119,0.2313091118219909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910460815564388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531152643480176,0.17161706046874328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593062482784064,0.0,0.1821656849272286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782504950858296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426785938324733,0.1546511395921801,0.0,0.0,0.20613669076369784,0.0,0.13400832836586948,0.0,0.0,0.16753058845439953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123415600883585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143662845029324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463275616126877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204618653024301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811139127975485,0.0,0.16566049019419335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045555627449624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036935714476808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764280628752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696699129514666,0.0,0.0,0.12156807391001352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411709928973389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926748751261348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kannala457,2018/12/27,"Pushing my partner away with steps backward Trying to recover from BPD here, and was doing great for a while managing my symptoms with coping skills, DBT, and medication. I missed a few doses of medication, and had a mental breakdown on Christmas. I yelled at my partner and his mom, talked about killing myself, and self-harmed. He was so hurt and angry and scared, expressing that the only apology for what I did is a change in behavior, which isn't happening obviously. He said he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. I feel so broken and would give anything to be normal and for this to have never happened.

How do you guys get through the aftermath of an emotional outburst or extremely symptomatic period of time?",8.553079365079363,8.057286170370375,8.364021164021164,69.44666666666669,61.37037037037037,11.862433862433862,38.54497354497353,11.20814326018867,4.456164021164022,583,26,99,14,7,188,99,135,0.149,0.802,0.048,-0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,1,7,0,13,4,0,1,2,22,22,15,1,4,2,1,1,0,2,1,4,2,0,3,4,12,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,5,3,11,1,20,14,1,12,0,2,0,0,15,5,0,2,5,73,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836747327737554,0.0,0.0,0.14800504309986093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897935357769334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265206214215259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902623599452972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231226084441656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093990938967918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396662553120172,0.1725329580410665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829037418729306,0.0,0.1780843690889694,0.3180897261716382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253811064609708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898251011805435,0.0,0.09884340586319686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623692537875348,0.1812511736183156,0.0,0.0,0.21064357919783305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871498510670185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621935923966395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678755734549727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108294776874552,0.0,0.18006586930483512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876276130770025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869378347939415,0.0,0.14456034587121652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487468621985724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210949375671698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060829258199382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776357510098865,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderlinewife,2018/12/27,"My wife (25F) and I (26F) are very in love, but her bpd has been extra difficult lately due to holiday stress, moving, job loss, and terrible memories resurfacing. Help? We woke up and things were fine, and then she suddenly got angry for no discernable reason. I know that doesn't mean 'no' reason, but I ask and she won't tell me (she often becomes non verbal when upset). My own anxiety issues get triggered by this even though I'm trying to be patient. 

We're pretty good at working through a flare up of emotion together, and I know things are just especially bad right now due to our situation, by it's so, so frustrating and scary for me to not understand what's going on in her head. She is clearly trying to repress the emotion but her expressions are very telling. 

I resorted to asking ""Okay, I can tell you're upset/angry, but I can't tell if it's because of something I did or not.""

She said,  ""The second one.""

Then went silent again. I tried to hold her hand, hug her, which was her request for these times, but with no response. So I started playing a phone game so as not to drive myself crazy with suspense (or her crazy trying to 'fix' things when she just needs to feel).

She walked out of the room 15 minutes ago and hasn't come back. This has been happening more and more lately, and I think we're handling it okay, doing damage control, coming out of harder moments stronger, etc, but I'm still concerned there's something I could be doing better. 

We can't afford gas, let alone therapy, at this time, so - any tips?",4.205454545454547,5.5416094983277615,4.864969595621774,84.39006004864703,71.07357859531774,7.710611128002433,27.30328367284889,8.150884317080207,1.7278682274247492,1196,41,233,17,22,384,180,299,0.16899999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.129,-0.9405,2,1,2,0,0,0,52.0,3,0,0,4,17,17,1,3,5,2,23,4,2,4,1,49,45,30,0,3,14,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,13,18,0,3,9,3,0,7,11,9,0,2,9,3,34,8,32,31,5,36,0,2,0,2,31,11,0,4,18,158,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498961476270124,0.0,0.0,0.11098397057510756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287150838865296,0.0,0.08197601967902217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035761216237333,0.0,0.0,0.08239833279687599,0.08947293750268409,0.06532287518823268,0.11834823155564045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477305503369383,0.0,0.0,0.13496247906884531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184615254791426,0.0,0.0,0.1201874583006539,0.08555740581070062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24107795659605796,0.0,0.0,0.11951014174891993,0.07077723083599897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418259733045628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055985934754369734,0.0,0.060900689953231175,0.08987953201562209,0.08570450480101202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475997757079896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997561737180216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182613674156524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118457158712901,0.10633835488230484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778310523067807,0.0,0.24175908936964235,0.0,0.0,0.10957690731012207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671480135668503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116727107216023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389261090893825,0.0,0.07945672857549167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261342646046827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090187991139808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203537330305296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151284101723388,0.1019323477587877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045073263785355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499181891792844,0.0,0.0,0.07584739380459586,0.0,0.08557697966392472,0.0,0.12274979026825013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374645285234524,0.0,0.12254517412393427,0.0,0.213574195171781,0.06866289059126185,0.10528275985782977,0.0,0.1249700583988788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910145644458686,0.0,0.0,0.11155585995723856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683410056627566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933707636939264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801272181205228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,East_Plastic,2018/12/27,"When you break up with someone due to engulfment/anxiety Hi everyone,

I’ve found this sub to be invaluable in terms of trying to understand BPD and the behaviours that come with it, it’s been so helpful.

I was recently broken up with by someone who told me that the pressure of being involved with someone was making her feel anxious, and that she couldn’t deal with it anymore. 

I’ve read about the abandonment fear, and that often a person with BPD will abandon first, to avoid it happening to them. 

Does the ‘anxious’ reason given here sound like something typically offered as a reason you yourself might offer when you’re breaking up with someone?

Also, do you tend to miss the person after they’ve gone? We were very close and so far, I miss her very much. I’m finding it very hard not speaking to her. ",5.996948051948049,6.9045927207792195,6.123792207792209,78.58711688311689,66.59740259740259,8.757402597402598,32.932467532467534,8.841846274778883,2.809685194805194,645,27,114,10,10,205,100,154,0.151,0.8109999999999999,0.038,-0.9341,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,3,1,1,8,8,0,3,7,0,10,0,0,3,0,28,23,10,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,2,11,14,0,3,6,1,0,2,2,7,0,1,8,4,12,1,24,10,2,17,0,4,0,0,20,6,0,2,8,78,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712614967720836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247748944603688,0.3026687797040198,0.13285032239861802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374307774039888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539293990207693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810479719850385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722753263229885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800259228826366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073997210222284,0.0677331806036881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224351685453796,0.11394459091792088,0.0,0.14687801280354362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845860093525915,0.0,0.12000003969664548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897892115121434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544510344643897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941799307684471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210824952451864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984745300529912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393388547934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339942327691525,0.0,0.0,0.2754622319972132,0.13226734625250267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540086532009773,0.10312739901283116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800259228826366,0.0,0.09094867643432357,0.0,0.0,0.13945498337408233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315880926904273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Iknowwhatisaw,2018/12/27,"Self harmed a week ago and have to tell my boyfriend today I self harmed a week ago while my boyfriend was asleep in my flat. I didn’t tell him at the time because I’ve been off visiting family since then. I have to tell him today because he’ll see it. I don’t know how he’ll react but I think it’ll be bad. I’m so nervous I can’t wait to see him but I know it’ll turn into a big fight and I’m mentally not stable enough at the moment for anymore big fights.

Has anyone had experience telling their partner about this? I really think he’ll break up with me over it. I really don’t want to lose him because of something stupid I did.",1.8738142292490136,3.101989978260871,3.411422924901185,92.9491897233202,76.7536231884058,6.757312252964428,21.96574440052701,7.348242739294969,0.4896289855072471,499,13,118,6,11,165,81,138,0.21899999999999997,0.767,0.013999999999999999,-0.9808,0,0,1,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,3,1,5,0,14,1,1,2,0,15,28,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,5,2,19,0,15,17,1,21,0,1,2,0,18,9,0,0,10,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592593813559243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502715290835502,0.10225184803828524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210123434541816,0.2674329438854836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110122910023358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430471995991339,0.1378586052300293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073533444982338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636010569665521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737183404669818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736548606768644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330628569921344,0.0,0.3051127880163745,0.0,0.0,0.1209682103657402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257987783272697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112680218804079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740468188307705,0.0,0.0,0.085271584976543,0.0,0.2772298998495541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590631434582954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625398129584487,0.0,0.23460393979767905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sweetness521,2018/12/27,"Sometimes I want to drive off How many others sometimes just want to drive away....
Fuck that job, home, family....
Other times I'm so lonely it physically hurts.

I love my kids, but i often think about just leaving...

I want to drive away, far away, be alone, raw, emotional, open. 

Ive been depressed and backsliding into being suicidal....",3.57431693989071,6.157849737704924,4.237295081967215,82.79124316939892,76.21311475409836,7.3453551912568305,23.281420765027317,8.344100000000001,1.6460142076502726,258,8,46,5,6,82,46,61,0.201,0.675,0.124,-0.7976,1,3,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,12,11,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,9,8,0,11,0,3,0,2,2,7,1,1,1,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962230238101014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340106366710831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318128936407553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131165670686901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786056641855921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515236178113566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900434421161364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20282043707841965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800943446041685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006103771922352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099470014509022,0.0,0.0,0.1920823134332022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747608087473163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723806900989344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139807168136635,0.0,0.0,0.11047542549470186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352445701657286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiathegothwitch,2018/12/27,"DAE ever feel like they're not a whole person? Like I had a slight breakdown last night and I realized that over half of my interests and the things that make up my personality are just mirrored from people I've loved in the past.

It just hit me like a ton of led bricks that I dont know where the bpd ends and my own personality begins and I dont know how I feel about it",3.938125,4.031941562499998,5.105,86.96000000000002,70.875,8.4,23.5,8.238735603445708,0.8792,295,6,70,4,5,98,54,80,0.027999999999999997,0.8290000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.8312,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,3,1,16,12,5,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,9,5,7,10,3,11,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,9,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454990508878008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568972711116884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726441721345972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631926872770168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711813699684008,0.13925323207444254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142494769231333,0.15888849142574166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856890098460494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592587290691875,0.0,0.13011280477462353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829222963040534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607632932095708,0.1351352610610701,0.5105984756119157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294983676711414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762488396975546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,istealurmemes,2018/12/27,I don't like other women Especially when she's taking whorey selfies all over social media. Fuck you Cheyenne. ,5.0005000000000015,7.993790050000001,5.420000000000004,74.01500000000001,73.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.5844999999999998,91,3,13,1,2,29,20,20,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.6818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,2,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628532315622211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974434300335136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6206251902865593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577641519730822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shoobeeeedoop,2018/12/27,"Annoying SO with bad habits I have been recently diagnosed with BPD and I now have been able to see and acknowledge a lot of my faults in my relationship. First, I am so scared of being abandoned that I push my boyfriend away by obsessing about marriage. We’re only 20 and in college so this isn’t a realistic request. When I get out of the mood swing and realize this, I feel so ashamed about pestering him. I just don’t know how i can trust his words without an act that will display permanence. Regarding sex, I am so hypocritical. I say it’s fine to look at porn and compliment other women, but when I get into a mood I have moments of raging jealousy and put the idea in my head that he will leave me for those women. I also think he doesn’t love me because i don’t look like the women he watches. I want to fix these things about myself, but I’m unsure how to go about it. I am in therapy and on mood regulating medicine, but is there something I can tell myself in the moment to stop? I am scared that by being so afraid of abandonment that I am pushing him away instead.",5.273898840885141,5.264212940639276,6.228401826484017,80.41286617492099,67.99543378995433,9.660835967685284,31.45802599227257,9.466822959209583,2.6225901650860552,850,32,176,16,13,283,126,219,0.185,0.745,0.071,-0.9744,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,21,19,2,5,8,0,21,5,1,2,0,30,33,21,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,13,11,0,3,6,0,0,5,5,11,0,1,2,6,30,5,31,27,1,24,0,2,4,3,15,11,0,1,9,130,43,1,0.17128947742910267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369801332148697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218642050988804,0.0,0.1430195588870487,0.10441647558933126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157331005495349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385521397536507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660910646109023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569874199792462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898336448848226,0.0,0.09734775739051543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579242085769406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933649705906061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941362171882033,0.0,0.0,0.18137082434933588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368338650615595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876800413663769,0.0,0.0,0.1456241883405444,0.1545954409674622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027336618429913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219323528736974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912769444470954,0.18390079546142976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621626750783344,0.3429812971949397,0.0,0.13649553658759211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186700817163882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320567296581171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971455316236482,0.0,0.1958844454661599,0.0,0.11379711763760315,0.10975538077060858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010309717450157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511694376239866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nobodysperfect1994,2018/12/27,"Overly attached to my ex This whole situation is so fucked up and disgusting. But let me kind of explain. I was in a relationship with this guy for 8 years. Then I moved into an apartment with him and shortly after, we split up and I moved into another apartment in the same building. And I thought I was over him or at least that I could handle things for the time being until I got back on my feet and moved. 

Well, we’ve been sleeping together off and on the entire time we’ve been split up. And having some very heartfelt moments, I thought several times that maybe things were changing in a beautiful new way we hadn’t had in a long time. But he made it clear it wasn’t going to really happen, and with our history-fair enough. But every now and then he starts seeing someone else and i lose my fucking mind. Like start screaming and throwing things and cutting myself when I know they’re together. Then it blows over, things come to an end, and he comes crying to me. He needs a friend and I’m the only person who gets him. Which may be true, but..yeah. And I cave. It’s like I forget everything and I want him so badly. Either way he’s all I think about day and night, whether it’s accompanied by longing or anxiety. 

Well. Tonight he had a girl over, after texting me and saying he was having a girl over as a friend and not to worry. I could hear them having sex through the wall and I lost it. I broke a lamp and a mirror and I screamed “stop fucking lie to me” And then I keyed “asshole” into his car (which is really my car I gave him as it’s in MY name so I felt justified). 

I guess, I just don’t know what to do. I’m humiliated it’s come to this. Every single time this happens my behavior gets worse and worse. The adrenaline takes over and I feel so much rage inside like I’ve never felt before and I want to hurt myself, him, and anyone in my way. I hate him and I WANT to make him hate me. Obviously this is a horribly toxic situation I need to get out of ASAP but money is very tight right now and I don’t know what to do. It consumes my entire life. It feels like this is never going to end. It feels like I’m going to die without him. Is this going to get better when I’m physically away from him? And what do I do in the meantime? ",1.3060655432455055,3.33111082012848,3.1509324085280674,90.55409808211529,81.0556745182013,5.945237873568567,20.644679266362537,7.079830092131019,0.4410730285820685,1751,49,379,22,46,585,215,467,0.107,0.8109999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.85,0,0,0,0,0,3,48.0,3,0,1,3,13,28,8,0,19,0,31,7,2,2,6,89,81,50,1,7,11,1,6,5,2,1,1,4,0,4,30,42,0,2,12,0,1,13,8,15,2,0,18,11,60,13,57,57,9,78,0,4,1,4,36,30,3,5,37,262,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207958595529295,0.059881199290552724,0.0,0.0,0.05473264923011263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354321463875425,0.06018968726145246,0.06535748896674537,0.0,0.0,0.06660741496737849,0.0,0.0,0.0692290772114594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280600723625943,0.20228445295698846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499460423166447,0.0,0.08598290321794724,0.050481774992266186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123850091637189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538985254834975,0.0,0.1386592383094106,0.08088040196090585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190241457158502,0.0,0.07034974289678815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873663498894305,0.11184129097918384,0.15031515728185435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209522393740196,0.2170956937398976,0.16358466437482858,0.0,0.17794503154950433,0.0,0.06260475383145304,0.0,0.08623023281983275,0.07750590058740826,0.1384390489780609,0.0,0.0,0.15456339499542013,0.0,0.0,0.08822314393571183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379645973065998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151278092050979,0.12905591705344627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004287900256482,0.055288906259817715,0.19120937208998967,0.0,0.0,0.13854422647529704,0.0,0.08757122180592067,0.0854478909581289,0.0,0.0,0.07406698217750744,0.05225007650500045,0.0,0.07863912223834113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903680706620135,0.0,0.0,0.24958614085912134,0.05754212940835012,0.11608185460660868,0.1207431050873716,0.07559979391362384,0.0,0.07345705899517456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059532697201054925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834789617176476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029167808226357,0.0,0.0,0.08403951392297658,0.0,0.06684758167149664,0.0,0.06224850132397284,0.0,0.0,0.0623761225104813,0.0,0.0,0.08843000357668172,0.0,0.0,0.17597181112286048,0.07833288782101745,0.0,0.0663233037541362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108088175509283,0.0,0.0,0.06544253991323107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058854079281036815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801333519203252,0.05015632927116781,0.0,0.12428536871591482,0.2282178679093113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917238552001262,0.1385082712988786,0.18639638752767487,0.0,0.0,0.14075969213920966,0.0,0.0,0.08739275781893903,0.0,0.0754556154008033,0.0,0.0,0.0794934407388974,0.1595405914037925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040740788499445
bpd,longduckdongger,2018/12/27,"I feel like I'm always trying to instigate a reason to be defensive I'm tired of not being satisfied or constantly projecting my sadness, anger and insecurity out on others. Its exhausting being disgusted and hating myself and wanting to change only to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again until the people leave my life or I force them out. You'd think I would learn my lesson eventually or that I'd realize how bad I'm continuously fucking everything I touch up. ",8.109325842696633,8.302628471910117,9.383460674157305,59.491595505618,62.033707865168545,12.962696629213484,35.777528089887646,12.340626583579946,5.054755505617977,390,16,60,13,5,136,65,89,0.28800000000000003,0.6759999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,1,2,10,5,1,3,0,5,4,0,2,0,22,14,9,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,2,10,1,12,9,1,11,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,3,6,43,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156371032908519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638298077026427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741508426154908,0.0,0.0,0.28005368694699506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23291113696510155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103617969274095,0.1851398538856333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23958393580945386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25586117716439416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303482121643945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744069405812106,0.0,0.0,0.1830483167141608,0.1266096802008239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709849134828705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796649321163958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664537395766773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605558450558378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978596967435898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594873002931244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285589597971086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409574957219135,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HappySneeze,2018/12/27,"I have no idea what I'm doing. I've thrown myself down a well and picked up some self-awareness on the way down. I've pushed people away and burnt bridges, making it so no one will want to help and might even enjoy watching me drown. Picked up a fp and we haven't been apart for nearly 9 months now. He has his own issues and I can't hate him for them but he won't take responsibility for the impact he's had on my life either. Getting me evicted, gambling his portion of rent away, introducing me to crystal meth and refusing to work with me on any of it. Since the diagnosis he's tried telling me that it's all in my head or that I'm the problem, not his actions. Normally I'd pack up and disappear but I've been homeless for most of the year and lost all my supports. No counselors in my area will touch me and all I can do is watch myself spiral into insanity. 

Sorry for the wall of text, I'm on mobile. 

TLDR: ugh kill me please",2.251275380710659,3.673989416243657,3.82710342639594,89.55405615482236,76.15736040609137,6.346319796954316,22.972398477157363,6.9077264865688965,0.5481677664974618,733,21,163,7,16,244,122,197,0.17800000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.071,-0.9768,2,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,1,2,5,8,2,0,8,0,15,2,1,3,3,31,25,13,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,12,0,1,1,0,2,3,7,5,1,1,4,3,22,3,28,17,8,25,0,1,2,0,13,18,0,4,3,107,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962744547068172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35818561982394304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590204091600668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959055143734702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881967823628211,0.19563007078069025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776788665028874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151856302938598,0.0,0.1989566945411629,0.0,0.0,0.21089166283261213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463982540970515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808313816457705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723965175252122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022166183613724,0.0,0.0,0.1521502541208837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867661317132928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291683565645718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215120207946002,0.0,0.0,0.20924240221735568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239662367617746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988571723798592,0.0,0.0,0.15768199305951142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133823459657752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163121636841806,0.0,0.0,0.1433217528632274,0.0,0.1666093935628906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941777732487236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243201531150816,0.1513044766207476,0.0,0.0,0.17138935870142785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387728903425022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275237576772105
bpd,everybodyliesdarling,2018/12/27,"new medication Please let me know if not allowed-- I have never taken any meds for mental health before, but I just got prescribed some new ones today. Have any of you had any experience with Lexapro for anxiety? It seems like it's traditionally prescribed for depression so I'm a little bit nervous taking it for anxiety. Do you guys have any personal experiences with this medication? I'm not looking for ""DON'T TAKE IT!"" or "" TAKE IT! "" messages. I'm just trying to hear about others expereiences with it. 
Thank you! ",2.9294271685761077,6.003703170212767,4.051276595744682,78.89576923076925,86.44680851063829,6.722094926350247,25.31587561374795,7.882392219407189,2.131963338788871,414,17,69,9,13,134,63,94,0.125,0.794,0.081,-0.6671,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,1,1,15,20,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,2,6,2,11,16,2,5,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,4,5,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067318143279837,0.0,0.2287742902041191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723579572576546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324389968472058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878670976209705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925306599422065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195897735088772,0.0,0.0,0.14805446119641066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893937424266014,0.16852691138946968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217569724259531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290068541258278,0.0,0.07305095572319978,0.14986454924291093,0.0,0.0,0.12556436134881768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608991644510895,0.3012638610458596,0.1506872556449367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153238349042334,0.28882670015087025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132283296278226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056052332695342,0.0,0.16413488204444213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361230502030952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372753144389771,0.0,0.0,0.13766364916906296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173336805258388,0.0,0.0,0.10151848473621604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ClivenBundysRanch,2019/04/04,Is it appropriate to tell people openly about my diagnosis? At what point in a new relationship do you think it’s appropriate to tell somebody that you have BPD?  I love to be up front and honest; I want to abolish the stigma; I also want to not be a oversharing easy turn off.,6.405393939393939,5.890935599999999,7.865454545454547,71.32484848484852,65.72727272727273,10.969696969696967,31.06060606060606,10.504223727775694,3.04360606060606,218,7,43,5,3,76,42,55,0.042,0.774,0.184,0.7937,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,10,8,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22581782470048645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355645584061229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25485744077298883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727227220053363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576555865910727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669387664820117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031686173545138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936221615159088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093661287301152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071465037168509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331080753301406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,htrt543,2019/04/04,How could a crisis line even help with self harm? Like in DBT if therapist doesnt call back soon im supposed to call the local crisis line. But I dont wanna be hospitalized and idk what they can even do to help,3.549333333333333,4.0474910444444445,4.682222222222221,88.21000000000002,71.8888888888889,7.777777777777778,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,0.5963333333333334,167,3,38,2,3,55,36,45,0.243,0.611,0.146,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,6,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,24,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436523960702005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427737600903134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220040679417485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114873416810047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35108491270514386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35628792833519785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28708354829213484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984466582302565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27726219725203244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085862711664111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheMandrew,2019/04/04,"Reverting back to bad habits... After years of it, I went over 6 months without hitting myself. And now it's happening at least once a week.

I do my best to not discount the amount of progress that I've made. Because I've come a long way creating a successful small business and beginning to form healthier relationships.

But when I hit myself, it feels like I'm right at the edge of the sinkhole I used to be in. And it really, really scares me.

The setbacks are part of the journey and I'm able to accept that logically, but logic doesn't always prevail when suffering with BPD.

I just don't want to be like this anymore. And at this moment, I'm so tired of the work it takes to get better...

I'm so grateful for r/BPD. Because of this community, I see the struggle and the strength we all need to go on living. I love you all. 

We've got this, right?",2.853484723369121,4.406589034682085,4.371482246077623,85.73065028901738,74.83815028901735,7.717423616845582,26.80800990916598,8.418075326091056,1.7802472336911652,665,25,139,12,14,222,106,173,0.09699999999999999,0.736,0.16699999999999998,0.9172,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,0,6,7,12,0,2,11,0,6,2,0,2,2,24,27,12,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,4,0,1,4,4,4,0,0,3,2,13,8,24,20,7,25,0,1,1,1,4,9,0,0,13,87,24,2,0.15741721176419768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309837306177236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611557480346508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104411906207717,0.13143679650177698,0.1919201423954399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519965187634494,0.13922273143140784,0.0,0.0,0.3965229351325366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356009892623478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959487212596843,0.11245888753778896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224399599097892,0.0,0.08946382912666223,0.0,0.1259009245837967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920352048475454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381219643497587,0.0,0.13900228200480005,0.13930927878054702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420751795954732,0.1489519719602313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564891658237942,0.0,0.0,0.11672286789690492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764419298685554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046750014532486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016909935084464,0.0,0.0,0.1690071736878201,0.0,0.26886687746718513,0.0,0.0,0.1576020906305882,0.0,0.1254411369009531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164566648676952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835815243295282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092792791561468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359579285510083,0.0,0.0,0.09284875003784478,0.1249504555303366,0.12627059201740073,0.0,0.0,0.14592733240096933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174457469438488,0.0,0.1146016049942794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137152325012294
bpd,chickenoflight,2019/04/04,"Numb : progress? I find it intriguing that things that would, in the past, leave me a wreck are now completely disregardable to me. News that would have me me bawl my eyes out now has no effect on my emotions. People tell me about how sorry they are that they couldn't do X and all I can reply is ""ok"", because telling the truth of how I really don't care one way or the other isn't polite.

I am becoming numb to most things, and I fucking hate it.

At least when my BPD resulted in outrageous mood swings, I felt something. It was better than just this static that has occupied me. Still though, I can't deny that this also has its positives. Being more rational instead of letting my emotions guide me is good. I also feel as if my BPD is somehow developing into normal, old fashioned depression, which is good. Less stigma, more acceptance, less ruined relationships etc etc

Does anyone have experience with this?",3.633013005780345,6.001831502890178,4.519360549132949,81.91927203757228,75.0115606936416,7.793208092485548,25.26336705202312,8.660442795831766,1.98984421965318,722,25,132,15,16,233,116,173,0.154,0.73,0.11599999999999999,-0.7323,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,3,13,15,3,0,4,1,23,4,1,4,2,26,28,11,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,17,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,3,22,7,14,21,9,13,0,2,1,1,5,6,1,4,6,107,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226062135140828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731868867191587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848435306416518,0.1537146333721865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230944072131511,0.0,0.0,0.3505875451855067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190444738111568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592877645010585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987651127421582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179835286484955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131200967279075,0.0,0.0,0.3104475222269214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614586093314565,0.0,0.0,0.07037416591973532,0.0,0.1336357201775518,0.0,0.1272090397767936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286707204826405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334770723624993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741256022884005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473727302739646,0.0,0.1423221446728134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636796549094632,0.0,0.0,0.14604719283365886,0.0,0.09431274197807936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286414606869246,0.09649067740195767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916300172714782,0.0,0.0,0.14942845644514524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714844075408082,0.0,0.15580189043968376,0.0,0.0,0.11115023757625646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24330090068717397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493152891293585,0.0,0.1367447626317062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047550997157196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977405760132848,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ITS_Hollia,2019/04/04,"Psychiatrist not giving a diagnosis I've been in therapy, seen psychiatrists, and been hospitalized more than a few times since I was in my early teens (I'm 40, now). I started seeing a new psychiatrist almost a year ago to the day. She has never given my a diagnosis. I've told her what other doctors have said and what symptoms I experience, but she's never given me a diagnosis. She's against it and feels that it isn't helpful to ""put people in a diagnosis box to define them or the things they go through"". I initially told her I had PTSD and depression and asked her to increase my anti depressant which she did. 3 months later, I started having episodes (like I've experienced in the past) and asked what she we should do to treat it. She suggested that we add lithium to get me stabilized and if it worked well for me she would transition me from lithium to Lamictal. I've been on Lamictal since then and it seems to be working pretty freaking well.

My question is whether anyone else has known a psychiatrist to be unwilling to give a diagnosis. I find it interesting and kind of brilliant because I had an aha moment on my own and accepted the medication and felt like I was in control. It still seems odd, though, that this would be her approach. Not complaining, just more or less asking if anyone has had a similar experience with a psychiatrist?",7.555332225913624,7.275384810077523,8.336677740863786,68.11604651162794,63.30232558139535,11.867552602436323,37.03322259136213,11.35114627814755,4.32276877076412,1083,48,195,29,14,366,142,258,0.085,0.795,0.121,0.8636,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,2,3,6,12,0,0,16,0,23,3,0,1,2,39,44,19,0,5,9,0,2,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,17,15,0,1,8,0,0,4,5,4,2,0,16,6,33,8,24,22,6,28,0,2,2,0,27,7,0,8,19,146,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682764339630103,0.0,0.12067651984753082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853120456768525,0.12347997216191263,0.0,0.0,0.33799060450902296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346370267594457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516575436298714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772101723408541,0.0,0.207595613135768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335032399731738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067327976528526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235769986762974,0.0,0.0,0.060935073801101025,0.0,0.11571153085878065,0.0,0.11014684331473304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296315116225562,0.2312144052465444,0.06849040503180437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077742963302116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549590920073098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775328348340715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140432825909175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619245311253803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858943540085559,0.11639235915445167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504344584985868,0.0835486498740536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260520715170165,0.0,0.0,0.14087343284720885,0.12114900994851055,0.1350023179157718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463561068361428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960333841941026,0.21942130613495328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937945962308726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059966730337256,0.0,0.09624196381160566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525931503379786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781729922742758,0.0,0.08006358736324314,0.0,0.11840356605264328,0.0,0.07027219168748787,0.0,0.0,0.23031097427581565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671160454029356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547002894857855,0.0,0.0,0.17121817978751613,0.0,0.0,0.07760652270161697
bpd,VolcelOneitis,2019/04/04,"I was a fool to expect anything good to happen Every day I come closer to believing that I live in a simulation designed for the sole purpose of making me feel as shitty as possible. Everything good that happens in my life exists only to make me feel even worse when it's inevitably ruined.

Next you'll say ""oh but think of the starving kids in Africa they have it way worse"" yeah thanks inspector gadget I know they have it way worse you fucking idiot. That only results in me making me feel bad for my self pitying because my brain is a fuck.

I can't even fucking kill myself because like a year ago I, like a huge dumb fucking fuck, promised I wouldn't, and I don't break promises. So now I have to exist in this fucking piece of shit of a specifically designed hell where I cannot be allowed to be happy for more than 5 fucking seconds.

Lmaooo I am so fucking drunk I'm so going to regret this post tomorrow morning. But until then fuck this, fuck you and fuck me",2.9216555488174656,4.883432123711341,4.066773802304424,86.23144026682839,75.70103092783505,6.008004851425106,26.360218314129767,6.794906146795322,1.1922738629472414,768,29,147,7,17,250,116,194,0.326,0.541,0.133,-0.995,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,3,2,0,8,29,16,0,8,1,13,15,2,5,0,18,38,12,1,3,2,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,9,3,1,0,5,1,0,2,4,21,0,1,1,4,25,8,23,33,2,23,1,3,0,11,8,8,14,0,11,93,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156774999814006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643899490190096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741133584748113,0.09843204885734178,0.0,0.0,0.0909620246460714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901282751301257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954706803350327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206815534042528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665096757546592,0.0,0.06802371165378622,0.0,0.07256047042462581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246791156116844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8210322463126497,0.0,0.0,0.04588423023059267,0.13543535034462845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142789470229102,0.08594516221576565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932261832714057,0.0,0.04437049171223568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057026349809994416,0.07888723635452206,0.0,0.07129152387448194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167607619353272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586384068712444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228070021774754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910179092806139,0.0773229404897295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420464884885352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422544102276287,0.0,0.08287452597817475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433102498053253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173248254834094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816923945551886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468311870250784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199145126070074
bpd,one_small_fry,2019/04/04,"Girlfriend lost her job It really was out of the blue. She was doing great in her new position in an industry she was brand new to, she even got a raise recently and out of nowhere she was let go with no explanation.

Needless to say, she feels terrible and has withdrawn a bit but I’m trying to be supportive without smothering... I know everyone is different, but besides words of encouragement, kind gestures and helping out financially when she needs it, what more can I do to help keep her motivated and knowing her worth? 

",4.152097505668934,6.6213597653061225,5.272993197278911,76.65216553287985,73.79591836734693,9.661678004535148,32.31746031746032,9.994966539143718,3.7891936507936514,419,21,75,13,9,138,70,98,0.047,0.722,0.23199999999999998,0.9721,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,1,0,18,21,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,6,3,12,4,14,13,2,10,0,1,1,0,15,5,0,0,4,54,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22693004865682015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171701903239633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729003179125907,0.0,0.0,0.1986198062673932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510061529911983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813202580873068,0.0,0.16624519001102825,0.22916715526596296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27864929102813296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626967105071206,0.18475614054300168,0.0,0.21645493230338844,0.2284696090902773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255164846803906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269045080285728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412607505704098,0.0,0.4015063181240615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316088682497265,0.0,0.20523736448252408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529917134354172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358778587938011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112377078255042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200370297014144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,koolmom29,2019/04/04,"My husband just made fun of me in marriage counseling and now I can’t stop crying. So we had our first session of marriage counseling counseling day and my husband made fun of me. He made fun of me for always trying new hobbies. He made fun of me for trying to learn to do make up and try the Keto diet to lose weight. He made fun of me for getting into supplements to try and stay off meds and control my mental health. He made fun of me for wanting to get back into school. And then he made fun of me for joining DBT and getting a one on one therapist, and that fucking hurt the worst. Especially since I was SO excited to try something that could actually help me with my mental health. He said “dbt is just my next fad” like everything else he mentioned. 

I’m literally ugly crying in my car in the garage right now as I’m typing this. I mean I might be trying a lot of different things but at least I’m trying to better myself right?!? ",4.702521815008727,5.028530172774873,5.877185863874349,81.27539485165795,69.26178010471205,8.670331588132635,29.005671902268762,8.59863814320734,2.0473661431064567,737,25,149,11,12,247,102,191,0.07200000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.132,0.8775,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,4,7,14,1,0,5,0,8,5,0,9,0,31,26,13,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,12,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,10,2,21,10,32,13,3,22,0,2,0,1,16,11,1,2,10,93,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0909568076064938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755587899240253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167060371885728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243421729526608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045398299147314,0.07441838589366052,0.0,0.20476752292670564,0.060110950149634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738171338131467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786267751932148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376864500022536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928201911221963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616857883264754,0.14609078633308326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981498460719113,0.0,0.0,0.062474839093544725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978026355763432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553634271221658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042750447923965,0.0,0.07924145071466003,0.0,0.6173645185538036,0.062216547349767615,0.0,0.0,0.1015299941219846,0.10353221640173522,0.0,0.1878619231598103,0.09887813773382884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002012001282929,0.09912694262845564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631925758366602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919692404217248,0.08866141649203127,0.0,0.0,0.09433068915519936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710198080763317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175547653173292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934650166530246,0.0,0.07792541476586999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822077373028932,0.061922739563451214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429711188259785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054976037012924604,0.0,0.0,0.11350129151251027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ouchistabbedmyself,2019/04/04,Wtf is splitting? Someone mentioned it to me and now I'm looking for more info. Like what is it? I tried searching the subreddit but they're all like paragraphs about people's stories which just confuses me more bc idk what the heck it is.,1.1679939209726449,3.8123966808510654,2.0924012158054737,92.02,92.82978723404257,4.387841945288755,25.863221884498486,6.1826913282559595,1.0499689969604868,192,9,36,2,7,60,37,47,0.152,0.747,0.10099999999999999,-0.3794,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363018421629057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460913876038404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38051843237129296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650570941278582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726477623641055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Forkks,2019/04/04,"How to tell family I’m Borderline? I was just recently diagnosed with BPD, in addition to my bipolar, after a string of suicide attempts and general chaos.  My family hasn’t been totally supportive since I’ve put them through so much.  I’m terrified to tell them because I’m worried they will just think I’m being dramatic, or be less inclined to want to be there for me.  Should I tell them?  If so, how do I even bring it up?

I appreciate any help and am thankful that I’ve found this community.",4.41,5.605222857142858,6.125102040816326,76.08418367346937,70.42857142857143,10.906122448979593,33.38775510204081,10.914260884657429,4.011310204081633,392,19,76,13,7,135,70,98,0.145,0.735,0.12,-0.6782,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,4,1,8,2,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,2,1,16,20,8,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,11,2,12,12,3,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,2,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795069890499373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366062520126934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554931100671012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589705152709412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398608971166126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824737759926912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22242381433229194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597173960361508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912429825873688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039287670923944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002982414014648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780660197621322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218942135600029,0.2302013593921607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319216668048032,0.18676480125422545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998350048393698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196511667355774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206012597869559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,indychemm,2019/04/04,"Ex boyfriend has BPD Hello all,

I’m (25 M) in desperate need of advice. My ex boyfriend who I’ve had an on/off relationship with for about two years has BPD and I’m at a loss at how to get him some help. His parents and friends don’t seem motivated to get him help because he hides a lot of his actions that only I found out. He (22M) participates in self harm by sleeping with men who have HIV in attempts to get it, also has no self control over sex and constantly uses it to hurt himself. Right now he hates me because I’ve taken a stand at not putting up with it anymore and making him face the fact that what he is doing is dangerous. He goes through phases of missing me to then telling me he never wants me in his life again. I honestly need some advice and don’t know what to do. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you. ",4.889306358381504,4.546886745664743,5.821739884393065,84.1367716763006,68.82658959537572,8.76971098265896,31.1728323699422,8.238735603445708,1.989814335260116,649,24,144,8,10,215,110,173,0.124,0.754,0.121,0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,4,5,9,2,0,5,0,13,5,2,5,3,28,30,8,0,4,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,9,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,3,0,15,3,26,25,4,20,0,3,0,2,29,11,0,4,6,86,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856472804927868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688228228508042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993922670095472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494919243385113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819278881706602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681610838721122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794458049577906,0.1639283200082285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025440479009306,0.1129210981013942,0.0,0.2290841413439939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430049728299088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938993326393198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646487074182924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032446496005316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323552569171718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425807370515494,0.0,0.0,0.09756141838071417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167482067246493,0.11272585018022165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111595382718462,0.0,0.0,0.16229086035527635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692888568643053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156918701881072,0.0,0.12481790112915332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305650628086785,0.30494877226309003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626328137422825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774829644426586,0.13456239904249606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277486271826026,0.0,0.0,0.12623334970426328,0.0,0.0,0.08620761479705602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382625650894954,0.0,0.0,0.09412078486975244
bpd,sakurai_sakurako,2019/04/04,"Is my relationship dead or am I just being BPD? So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 years on and off, 15 years steadily. We’ve lived together for 7 years. We’re 28/29. During this time he has cheated on me twice - I got over it the first time as we were just teenagers, but the second was only a few years ago and involved intense gaslighting, lying, hiding evidence and calling me crazy: I have never really gotten over it and I literally view my life as kind of ruined ever since. 
Over the past few years I’ve gone on and off sex as my depression goes through phases and it seems like my boyfriend has just... given up. Where in the past we would have a lot of sex, these days he would usually watch porn instead of initiating sex. I initiate occasionally but when I get shot down I shame spiral so I avoid it. He tells me I am less attractive to him now than I used to be (I’m a few pounds overweight - and I used to be severely anorexic). 
He also is very talkative over messenger with girls from work, and even was arranging to meet one for coffee before I threw a huge fit about it. Nothing overtly flirty in the messages that I know of but honestly the feeling of lack of trust and betrayal is just constant. But then I doubt myself and wonder whether I’m just acting crazy because I have BPD and can’t control my own emotions and jealousy. 
I really love him and I’m sat here going in circles about whether he’s just wanting me for the stability/safety/possible codependency or if I am just being paranoid. ",4.529047619047617,5.640563612040138,5.433091256569519,81.46962095875142,70.07023411371237,8.504602643733078,29.62271062271062,8.841846274778883,2.3008938047459786,1196,46,234,21,21,392,172,299,0.185,0.722,0.09300000000000001,-0.9841,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,0,3,19,12,1,3,11,0,22,7,0,3,2,49,41,30,1,5,16,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,17,1,2,4,0,0,4,2,6,0,4,10,3,32,6,38,25,7,40,0,2,2,5,17,17,0,7,20,163,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857087163378145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696845720749676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153933741117536,0.0,0.11382058222667985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369340705513121,0.0,0.13658472420413614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454789699187254,0.15002410237958985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626464522411008,0.0,0.11520797433274466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046288753088866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834774172960444,0.12099429450789635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763347560576742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137768615259259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698844931589747,0.0,0.07601934073416962,0.0,0.1069807248148547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929128142613129,0.07351143325416808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447920331769116,0.06534876655741519,0.0,0.11811323013672426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371864220957704,0.12072433734359178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316456904709932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834708767833347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063977456106036,0.10173110997127464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553796230357319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138117726689586,0.0,0.0,0.14360903225932284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177080152806707,0.0,0.15111162170660405,0.0,0.1106483095657259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691282814104798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559939872321496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310527549943824,0.14731861504189497,0.11036666214037613,0.07889558087074026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505787330324935,0.09737944981550638,0.0,0.0,0.1900396580091388,0.0,0.0,0.4306878233315119
bpd,lmf17858,2019/04/04,"Undiagnosed Have not seen any body yet for BPD but am 99% sure I have it.
I’ve got 3 kids with a woman I say I want to marry but she is slowly realizing Or has already realized she cannot live with me or be with me any more because of my disorder. Always telling me I’m crazy, toxic and I need help and I scare her. Been at my job for a few years now and they know something is wrong with me OR are completely oblivious but I always lose my shit here when something goes awry. Usually keep it out of the public eye but there’s been a few times. ive always been told I’m bipolar out of hate from others or people that genuinely cared. I do not get manic this is a chronic feeling of emptiness/anger/want to die not necessarily suicidal but I tell my self I will kill myself if something doesn’t go my way. I am totally against medication so I guess that’s half of why I didnt want to get treated. I don’t eat sometimes and sometimes all I eat is candy... sounds silly but literally I’ve eaten straight candy for 3 days a couple weeks ago.....What do I do now? 

Edit: meant to add an emphasis on the anger.... I break shit stomp around the house like slam my feet to the ground as
hard as humanly possible stomp. I feel like a child because I am super sensitive I lash out at the people I love and I just get super angry so easily. I almost feel constant anger/emptiness and the only
Thing that helps me not think about this is daily conversations and working sometimes I get stuck in this angry depressed emptiness where I physically don’t smile or laugh all day and I tell myself the reason I feel like this in my
Head until I forget what originally made me feel this way. I feel insane ",1.7599641943734028,3.8994706579710186,3.621845694799661,87.16877877237854,80.10144927536231,6.493606138107418,22.32097186700767,7.618777277803332,0.9813273657289004,1327,42,274,21,34,446,188,345,0.192,0.645,0.163,-0.9471,1,0,3,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,1,4,12,20,5,1,14,0,26,13,6,3,4,59,56,26,3,4,17,0,7,3,0,1,3,2,0,5,13,17,3,1,12,0,0,1,9,9,0,1,11,11,48,11,32,43,6,29,0,2,2,1,19,12,2,8,16,173,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845585681981664,0.0,0.09552053578107987,0.0,0.1052665923422596,0.0,0.2381194304161505,0.0,0.0,0.12973861252471802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491841718893439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629921461000367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595815008736204,0.12014191255587348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725771461465108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001588784551613,0.10308402930055258,0.0,0.0,0.10554857960346767,0.0,0.1230389013045819,0.0,0.08216032504742503,0.0,0.09900103451109807,0.0,0.10932661179490294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952180817347696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893960269004182,0.13629502493397844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993519183709486,0.0,0.05421303326253475,0.0,0.07629307932462624,0.0,0.10508419233491614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545180369646567,0.09417908891404896,0.0978989204756781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787745896738395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100686698403958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946610748539106,0.08478810656250542,0.1055362605873539,0.0,0.05242452430784487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981000706509744,0.0,0.08423220212523455,0.0,0.0,0.10671838419460293,0.0,0.0,0.08609430774849902,0.09026148656086967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609662671829046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707313869925505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254932751907317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226453347906592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753927696985484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807806994864753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585893336686146,0.09550326053565668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951385503846392,0.0,0.19583544982197496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031048352439545,0.2830330914319942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434252099862372,0.0,0.08990510364440889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501284138858117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337369333450132,0.061122847284398714,0.0,0.0,0.05562339226371827,0.0,0.0,0.09115040642075058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050599610615532,0.0,0.11252843575608423,0.1514342336553583,0.07651708933034239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860757462698881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944595021412016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429533324150148,0.0,0.061428823419261626
bpd,Thinkering7,2019/04/04,"How to give a suggestion effectively? When I offer a positive suggestion for us (not her specifically), it's often met by 'So what's the complaint?'

I'm not rejecting how the person is or how we are currently. I'm happy. That doesn't mean I don't get excited about opportunities to improve.

A lot of things are taken through a filter of failure, not being good enough. I know that's normal given the BPD...

So, what's the best way to bring up suggestions? What works well for you?


",2.160106382978725,4.633568627659578,4.395148936170212,80.29400000000003,80.80851063829788,8.01531914893617,24.293617021276606,8.841846274778883,2.182211914893617,377,14,72,10,10,130,65,94,0.076,0.67,0.253,0.9581,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,1,0,4,9,7,0,0,8,0,6,0,0,4,0,14,16,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,3,0,7,6,11,12,3,5,0,1,0,0,11,1,0,3,2,54,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748800517890844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298924776983706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27064437446272555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684795107354994,0.25126774178709577,0.0,0.21969499756949948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27883004187690275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143950232255795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268406740599234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853192596915346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566364186764837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287077358269278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401508158356085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150703149193693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790835390475,0.0,0.0,0.2355071062022919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068862892955324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GreenGiant417,2019/04/04,"I want to be in love but being in any kind of romantic relationship makes me crazy and miserable I got out of a 3.5-year, super unhealthy relationship in January by basically self-destructing and forcing him to end things once and for all. 
My ex made me feel everything, every emotion, all the time. I would always think, I need to be with someone who doesn’t make me crazy like this. 
One of my closest friends and I are always affectionate and sweet with each other, and I am attracted to him, but i thought that just wasn’t going to ever happen because we’re friends.
We have a really supportive, healthy relationship, the kind of friendship that makes me feel good about myself when I spend time with him. I’ve thought a lot of times that he’s the sort of person who I could be happy being with. 
Three days ago, we hooked up. Then....................... spent the next three days together. Now................. I feel insane and jealous that he doesn’t want to be with me still and that we didn’t sleep together a fourth night, even though I didn’t really want to, I just wanted him to want to. We’ve been hanging out with our group of friends at my apartment as usual, and it makes me upset that he doesn’t want to go to my room and be alone with me the entire time, even though I know that isn’t even what I actually want. I know it’s best to let it chill, but I want to walk over to his apartment RIGHT NOW!! and make him talk to me about how I’m feeling crazy. 
This is exactly the terrible pattern of thinking I’ve always had, with someone who I’ve NEVER felt this way in response to until we hooked up. I feel broken and I hate myself. This could be something great, But I don’t know because I think I’m going to ruin it and probably also our really close friendship because I don’t know how to control my emotions. Idk thanks for listening, I’m feeling BPD AS FUCK RIGHT NOW",6.293042895442357,5.580422024128686,6.647038873994642,80.62428485254695,66.02412868632706,9.819249329758714,31.78672922252011,9.120678840339163,2.4408403217158177,1457,49,302,22,20,473,171,373,0.133,0.6579999999999999,0.209,0.9814,0,1,1,0,0,0,76.0,6,0,0,3,18,24,3,2,10,0,27,3,1,9,5,79,73,27,0,12,6,1,7,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,21,29,0,1,16,0,2,5,10,7,0,3,11,9,48,17,52,50,5,43,0,2,0,2,30,17,1,2,21,201,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.07810373642267222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094721730331917,0.0,0.0,0.08289331309794039,0.0,0.06400487972746667,0.19978946349098128,0.0,0.0,0.05442732612176545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636788134475892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399300091601315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100802728321537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976734711991181,0.12780470532750315,0.0,0.0,0.10323339022439952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005979091912974,0.07088827234584331,0.0,0.0,0.15858936544146918,0.07239727925275563,0.0674339077671845,0.0,0.07193133028467122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24281209160382156,0.0,0.07684725473052872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855071913734122,0.07399213039861423,0.0,0.0,0.13645916434637054,0.06713052479434685,0.06401222008511963,0.08824013722257149,0.0,0.0,0.07077570255620162,0.08519996926058745,0.0,0.07901912755848364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666906665292995,0.1759430982499753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818423853363127,0.0,0.03910161979556455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804387206665896,0.07223574961790857,0.07573213971820192,0.2671237559456751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593457906165736,0.06172881245905035,0.0,0.0851193528353946,0.0751085043775436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852358869717782,0.05423456615861875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988447848354659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629250587501378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381962016954118,0.0,0.0,0.2577866151618662,0.0,0.13670086848785026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349515901876398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009395051055622,0.0,0.13562873925235494,0.061615737990320475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639169722663431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082407382321217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433002514065547,0.0,0.07368653313551618,0.0,0.0,0.053172461267080334,0.1538517983767561,0.15727022076227234,0.12707952493547453,0.18667888930349014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814851109877113,0.0,0.37765915646441217,0.06352896998639865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056855384156514525,0.0,0.0,0.051540656100041216
bpd,noluckturtle,2019/04/04,"DAE feel like tearing their DBT workbook into tiny peices? 
Bought it months ago and I've yet to even get past the introduction. I just feel like giving up on making friends(lost pretty much everyone I was close to), give up on potential love interest, and stop fighting my self destructive urges.

...I might need someone to talk to. But maybe best you don't as I'm probably going to trigger you...",3.1806756756756767,5.950209162162165,3.803986486486487,84.26516891891896,79.0,6.943243243243244,25.466216216216218,8.07648339933343,1.869167567567568,314,12,56,6,8,99,60,74,0.09699999999999999,0.6579999999999999,0.245,0.9231,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,2,1,1,3,7,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,13,14,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,7,5,11,11,2,12,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,7,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054589061335136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374469263307072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452563428491585,0.0,0.0,0.19462050573557615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596873279694594,0.2910113923074643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064119533203718,0.3907678704753598,0.11575338350452136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901095599656668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233568210590185,0.0,0.1838249369687148,0.0,0.13595486406466611,0.0,0.2046192443958459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216067338147144,0.0,0.0,0.1625717049009392,0.0,0.14972480243076733,0.15102267612857428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944311484354132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072110327934546,0.21959645379542375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247778869885134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257344580826028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702816955128924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637065148382579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amils922,2019/04/04,I can't get over an invalidating therapy session I had My therapist told me I don't dissociate. I've been struggling with daily dissociation for as long as I can remember. I don't know if its my lack of being able to explain it or what. I'm hung up on it. I know there are tons of posts on dissociation and I've read most of them but I'd be interested to hear how it feels to some of you in hopes I can relate and not feel dumb for believing him,1.050847651775488,2.7911757113402094,4.3061168384879736,83.38627720504012,80.54639175257732,8.02245131729668,23.14891179839633,8.841846274778883,1.5626114547537235,352,12,82,9,9,129,68,97,0.038,0.845,0.11699999999999999,0.8501,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,10,0,0,1,0,18,20,8,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,3,13,2,17,15,4,7,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,5,1,58,18,2,0.2525709499043151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28456096988717344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554149223590881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195789684347992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846658168396745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508599424525941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776127775328689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351734272103432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189315294925026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25263929919035244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861136504774433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26404199587253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888368929921325,0.29325433974317305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413423663238449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RadVuff,2019/04/04,"How do you manage your BPD in relationships? Hi! I (22F) have been in a relationship for less than half a year and I am already horrified about my lack of ability to participate. I can’t properly respond in loving and involved ways, I don’t make as much effort to see my partner as they do and I am constantly worried that I will become a toxic BPD ex horror story.

I know this is all things and thoughts I have because of my disorder but I want to know if any of you have found good and healthy ways to maintain relationships. I would love to hear some points of view wether they are bad or good and hopeful.

Thank you for reading! I’d I did something wrong in this post please point it out, I am very very new to reddit!",2.977168949771692,4.642401534246574,4.1878767123287695,86.70775114155255,74.75342465753424,7.3324200913242015,26.55022831050229,8.07648339933343,1.5523488584474885,568,21,119,9,12,186,95,146,0.114,0.6779999999999999,0.20800000000000002,0.9554,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,2,1,2,8,0,0,3,0,16,2,0,2,1,22,28,12,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,3,21,6,21,22,5,13,0,0,2,2,17,7,0,4,3,82,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960552428818358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219265445619393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319578519456072,0.0826425772360102,0.14972707246732034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414928405484421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465036523563465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553756487437948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864616142095768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22742036829008305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279791509763913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465219187120844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490121085925028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447155125353408,0.0,0.09049442581046452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965998729631996,0.0,0.0,0.13093492678327673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488158037456014,0.25631606774778753,0.0,0.12983915616344027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560728371455935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366562539170145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803221293520952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436886847787588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248151906679992,0.0,0.0,0.09006708022389774,0.0,0.0,0.1076279101477699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371988023946346,0.07996305026138739,0.2152192582384382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767852138314582,0.0,0.09630546196204877,0.14822516491912424,0.0,0.08730301921586471
bpd,iamiamiamsuperman,2019/04/04,"What’s Good About Being You Today? This is how my therapist always starts our sessions and I think it’s a good practice.  We are always so focused on what’s bad, so let’s start today with some positivity. 


Today, what’s good about being me is, I am a really compassionate person.  I’ve decide recently to apply to nursing school and become a labor and delivery nurse and I think my empathy and compassion will make me really good at it. ",3.8693109243697488,5.766223494117647,6.082184873949583,73.08411764705886,72.88235294117648,9.092436974789916,25.084033613445378,9.606745405546679,2.5743445378151257,347,11,60,9,7,122,54,85,0.038,0.6940000000000001,0.268,0.965,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,0,13,13,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,5,7,9,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,6,43,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816265032171585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413003172924287,0.0,0.18690168375558425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5677697299933365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304955222218807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296260773523235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776545990397852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168266584113176,0.0,0.16709460631778306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127020206582907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395642997654275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648954068396526,0.0,0.21687201733975853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481231901811157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smokeacoil,2019/04/04,Angry Does the anger towards someone ever stop or are people with bpd doomed to be in a line of short lived relationships?,10.343478260869569,8.221716391304351,9.284347826086957,69.46391304347827,59.0,10.93913043478261,36.04347826086956,8.841846274778883,3.086686956521739,99,3,17,1,1,31,23,23,0.4270000000000001,0.573,0.0,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,11,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760264620557112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307546990455056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418857929640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337449547441612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262029364224612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057868023485565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202436579565323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31599086869179804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Taliva,2019/04/04,"Abandoned again My ex broke up with me, again, right in time for my birthday, again. I don't know why I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He decided that because I'm mentally ill and hadn't proactively gotten on meds before any symptoms flared, that it's all my fault and it's over. 

I constantly make room for his own trauma and mental health, or work hard to translate my emotions for his autism. I'd be willing to put up with his verbal abuse and anger. But the first time I have a slip from reality and 2 years are gone. 

He's was already talking about hook-ups, before stopping talking to me and blocking me everywhere. But that's not supposed to make me upset, Im supposed to be focused on how unstable I am. 

Or maybe it's someone fucking pulling away and trying to convince me I'm insane",3.782291666666669,5.132063312500005,4.655000000000001,85.4366666666667,72.125,7.333333333333335,30.208333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.955833333333333,630,27,125,8,12,204,104,160,0.22399999999999998,0.732,0.045,-0.9805,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,2,2,4,0,9,4,0,3,1,24,18,12,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,6,9,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,8,0,1,5,1,18,2,21,10,2,21,0,2,0,1,10,9,1,3,9,77,24,1,0.0,0.20582983648689268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170438023514175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181355820170952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321569292062427,0.0,0.0,0.1058981219139079,0.0,0.2956459121606977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772964441511847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541165912246994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776617440606007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606013745699981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561903072100824,0.0,0.0,0.1846562754144284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876474500601057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547198895620483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23191894680723826,0.0,0.17452512634710052,0.0,0.1929637983085475,0.0,0.3501378750533338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746366186015501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835596208534405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719242328730145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523772928461354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056163426466126,0.0,0.2792591700780465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025951007480556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794450158389146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675531262848524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647025565673065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187000794967247
bpd,Somebodytomorrow,2019/04/04,"I second guess everything to the extreme. I don't know what's real...

I feel like every interaction with anyone has another meaning I'm just not smart enough to grasp.

Light examples : 
My sister messaged me out of the blue and asked if I could come help her organize her house because she had fallen behind and I'm good at that.

I said sure. Went over. Did stuff. Came home.

But now I'm wondering did she even need my help? Was she trying to teach me something?

My mom today asked my advice on turning a message between her and a fellow moderator to be a bit more diplomatic. Apparently I'm good at that.
But am I? Isn't that what you say to people who aren't good but you want to build up?

I live with my ex in a 3bd apartment because there has been quite literally a rental shortage. We've maintained a friendship well enough. His new girlfriend won't even look at me. I feel like shit every time he goes out with her. 
I've just found a place to move into a few hours away with some longtime friends.

They said they're excited. But I can't help but feel that somehow I am being passed onto the next 'caretakers'. 
And No one will tell me if any of my suspicions are true! Maybe I am just secretly handicapped and no one will tell me.

I have been isolating from people because I am always exhausted in every which way and I can't give them the focus they deserve. But also I can't ask for anyone to push through this and prove to me I'm not worthless. That's the catch because I know I can only discover that for myself.

I'm stuck in a loop and I honestly don't know if I belong in it or not. Support feels fake because I am not an accomplished person, no one should be able to relate to how I feel. If they can - what kind of world do we live in and what's the point?

tldr existential crisis and doubts

/vent

P.s my cat is cuddling up in bed on my pillow. She hasn't done that in ages. Is it because I'm onto something about things not being as I'm being told and she's trying to do something about it? 

Why do I constantly believe thoughts like these?
",1.7610109495394215,3.859530997624706,3.297769538265456,89.70816986269628,79.87885985748218,6.197578355831064,22.619836625919703,7.3138001815848295,0.8296970163953423,1614,52,338,22,41,531,215,421,0.1,0.7759999999999999,0.124,0.8211,2,0,3,0,0,0,40.0,1,2,4,2,14,20,1,1,16,0,41,3,1,1,3,67,78,25,0,8,19,3,5,3,3,4,1,3,3,1,20,21,0,0,15,0,0,8,17,5,1,4,15,11,54,15,49,53,6,42,0,1,2,1,43,25,1,10,11,230,74,2,0.08686904858573666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488742889339533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946914676909079,0.07228200735772361,0.0,0.0,0.05907393190490645,0.0910897716940216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148171715426223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436325019042566,0.0,0.08161633070051519,0.0,0.0,0.3177273943710409,0.0,0.0,0.09787167023008013,0.0,0.0,0.09483850216929618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935504940348404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482999344537959,0.0,0.09387458072628957,0.0,0.06935786669689388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889719699267969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951789749895833,0.0,0.11475237461873912,0.0,0.21957276019448066,0.0,0.0780722995202721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961800543906007,0.1241185313338138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524742800284376,0.0671148114493481,0.0,0.0,0.08333270699691367,0.0,0.2185849094388644,0.0,0.0,0.09569605072032382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467947643819134,0.0,0.08713673860078028,0.0,0.08554851441965591,0.10023521880621873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046074633269068,0.1432228718425076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273194876415764,0.0,0.15341392283190633,0.0,0.07294812228306954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727163529809236,0.09462586044410436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173997980082214,0.0,0.09232805097738683,0.0,0.06441229881260585,0.0,0.08389866843940881,0.09238621867880037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765941465310292,0.06606782591870174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044812091216002,0.07585070252966195,0.09075966663759256,0.0,0.08211932947142138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923959260934788,0.0,0.09887599534560182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526471603399664,0.06908175410368332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916983003148711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062811291707905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944427739288453,0.0,0.09857796689029408,0.08187305023909511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185475474448068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057711935895591475,0.0,0.0,0.06896432121018713,0.05065404081272657,0.0,0.082341700728035,0.08300709861496447,0.0,0.11795676351121183,0.09448857978602716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051237615555307925,0.06895260734597385,0.0,0.0,0.07810570723191224,0.0805284783427339,0.07838580473245932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942057776057124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rosadaniela,2019/04/04,"Nymphomaniac I feel like I've reached a point past no return, like ive had my waves of sex in the past but the past two or three weeks have been... hedonistic, to say the least.

I'm literally living on vodka and rum mixed with weed and sex and I just dont seem to care enough. 

Last night I ended up drinking way too much rum and playing strippoker with 3 guys, photos have been made.. they had to escort me home cause I was so far gone. Last week same story but without the strippoker, just mindless sex so loud the neighbours talked about a ""porno being made""

Idk why I made this post, just wondering I guess if anyone else fucked up badly, in every sense of the word.",2.106905855338692,4.277758932835823,2.9598507462686605,92.20105051664757,79.07462686567162,5.914121699196326,19.262916188289324,7.010146845296331,0.1432222732491386,523,12,112,6,13,165,94,134,0.15,0.8009999999999999,0.05,-0.9505,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,8,0,10,5,0,4,0,24,21,10,0,1,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,6,1,0,3,5,0,1,3,2,0,2,9,3,10,4,14,11,4,20,0,0,0,4,5,7,1,5,12,63,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011212587524324,0.14817968278050406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075117221951265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147449133743699,0.1485639782421377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949287934822108,0.1416719712166836,0.0,0.0,0.12081096552671787,0.0,0.12808987791318946,0.14943051669769633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121848095986422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312392243022267,0.10331614021425707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369832040843965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159314592074586,0.1431959596033515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145065066535132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357682534764883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130748401898388,0.0,0.1277015945305693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105271666073225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631191142610348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571552582104848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141667919147701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671209394432735,0.0,0.13850542473626612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150071647887532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165608547322832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623960908820398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127215613030528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479216152720408,0.2320099455976445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049652949510615,0.0,0.0,0.13940795697992114,0.1568335884015304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tomccat,2019/04/04,"I feel like I should leave before I destroy my partner's life After eight years of my constantly breaking down, screaming when upset, going from great and happy to problems and sadness, self doubt and over all just not being normal, I feel like all I've done is make my partner's life worse. This is just the stuff I can think of right now and am willing to talk about... I don't want to leave, but I feel like that's the only solution. Just stay away from him because I'm just destruction incarnate and that's what's best....",5.980571428571428,5.803903961904763,5.84452380952381,84.32964285714287,66.52380952380952,8.523809523809524,29.880952380952376,7.793537801064563,1.7779523809523812,416,13,84,4,6,130,69,105,0.19899999999999998,0.667,0.133,-0.4958,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,2,2,2,0,9,2,0,1,2,23,17,7,0,4,6,0,3,3,2,2,2,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,1,4,11,6,12,13,3,12,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,8,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230085663845595,0.0,0.0,0.1053045549449067,0.0,0.14699439725037505,0.0,0.18128660807314376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866774055839356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677946436494735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620371936110345,0.3702300223610369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981757161313381,0.0,0.0,0.19045343062553893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838916727196412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658268262800688,0.0,0.0,0.2440316728783044,0.2531853825531845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530951179985133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925471872945294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313813626612595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529490092403112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752441571646846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021208914984385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412459536927245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977532102966192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884695067236388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068886839577086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189025683172324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604326096317086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112429681085428
bpd,mjays89,2019/04/04,I feel like all I do is exist and not live Anyone else feel this way? ,2.171875,1.8269974375000009,3.9250000000000007,95.42,74.625,6.4,16.0,3.1291,-1.0610500000000005,53,0,14,0,1,18,14,16,0.0,0.8390000000000001,0.161,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300395799036108,0.440189874601376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588870131707013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344510615885255,0.3069160221686993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988749099527826,0.0,0.3793566555684582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34100725713342617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Giggulus,2019/04/04,"Making small choices... If I can even consider the choices ""made"" or ""small"". So I'm picking a pair of shoes to wear with an outfit. Pair A give off a ""cutesy"" vibe and put me in a bubbly kinda mood, I wanna come across as approachable and friendly, so maybe I'll wear them... But pair B give off a ""badass"" vibe which is something my best friend often describes me as, even though I've never really considered myself to be, so maybe I'll wear them to give people that impression coz I love to be seen that way. Buuuut the cute ones are SO much more comfortable... But I want people to think I'm a badass, like she does. Maybe the badass thing to do would be to wear the pair that I wanna wear, but which pair would that be? Am I badass today, or cute? These ones make my legs look slimmer so maybe that's how I choose...? Actually on sixth thought, maybe the most badass thing to do would be to not give a fuck what others think? Which pair gives off the ""I don't give a fuck what you think"" vibe? Wait, I don't wanna over do it and look like I'm throwing that mentality in people's faces. And it's already too late, this entire internal conflict has already been based on what everyone else thinks... You know what? I'm a fkn psychopath. I'ma wear sandals to pass off as ""chill"". ",2.685585585585585,4.207227108108111,3.480231660231663,92.07805662805664,75.21621621621622,6.6321750321750335,21.21364221364221,7.2636822038024595,0.3957433719433716,987,23,219,11,21,313,130,259,0.037000000000000005,0.8370000000000001,0.126,0.9694,0,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,2,2,1,11,13,2,0,16,0,19,12,9,6,1,39,47,20,0,8,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,20,6,0,2,7,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,4,3,19,10,28,35,4,21,0,0,3,3,14,12,2,6,5,131,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.09242747286351444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903912251551093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993967916064564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158796412856656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828851031562306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791216259989303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511577501199966,0.0,0.0,0.09050355174970648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463520328388596,0.17512364805498135,0.0,0.5451513968791089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205249032843218,0.0,0.10684183131848844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254522429031703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590722786424313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548333400406657,0.08962094016628999,0.1264450323874747,0.0,0.47576611478253106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544971543010343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962589247105477,0.0,0.07304949032886031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836169232065295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698886467578608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521400989055756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067639193835615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291567871025183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584791575791285,0.242756340405462,0.09305629748031023,0.07519255723515113,0.0,0.0,0.08977806112181203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586493526838422,0.07517978548028073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184691732925195,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,corn_hotdog,2019/04/04,"How to dream about FP? This might be the most sad and desperate thing i’ve ever asked but desperate times comes for desperate measures.

So, i am currently unable to see my FP because he is ignoring me or doesn’t want me or idk. regardless, i had a dream about him the other night and it felt so good to actually see him, even if it was only a dream. Sadly, i haven’t dreamt about him since and it’s bugging me because he’s all i think about and all i want etc.

Anyways, does anyone know if you can dream about someone specifically? Ive been thinking about him non stop and i hoped that would work but it doesn’t seem like it. I know i’ve heard about some tricks somewhere but not sure where, so if anyone has any advice pls. send this way.
Kind Regards, 
A girl trying to fulfil her obsession.",2.162318840579712,4.195084031055907,3.254385093167701,90.84749896480335,78.25465838509318,6.529358178053831,21.913457556935807,7.554174236665415,0.7500481159420289,623,18,133,9,15,200,100,161,0.16399999999999998,0.67,0.166,0.1178,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,15,10,1,1,5,0,14,0,0,1,4,36,28,17,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,2,6,4,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,4,18,5,12,20,5,9,0,2,2,0,12,1,0,10,6,85,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.1760701946719182,0.0,0.0,0.1763106450715741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269617747697695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25231674695635586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686743810051679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199725863956407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542141618666747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789240791717388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012231925283907,0.11916997284682147,0.16320605947412353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323769284460244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513331514001374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792041820353917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878863896278716,0.1983153238176009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814725293211306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140395774344485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931800696070035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372224504623802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28755305180690544,0.16425346961384538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925062925604776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287475104927853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150844596559226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700497999504774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986732050583697,0.2312199759921409,0.0,0.0,0.1052081177106841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249772043004463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212840397412214,0.14321412297459146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135260916877164,0.0,0.0,0.12816977797848747,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,msdeazeto,2019/04/04,"BPD Girlfriend has started to tear everything down, is there no hope? I have been with my GF for over 4 years now and I knew she had BPD from the start. After educating myself on the disorder I truly felt like I could work with her. And I did, I worked with her every time she got emotional. I never got angry and was able to get her to calm down.

  
But here it is, this is the devaluation phase and it's real messy. It all started when she found out I was good friends with a girl back in high school, which was almost 7 years ago and I havent talked to her since then. She is taking that small insignificant thing and running with it. 

  
She is basically shaping me into a demon. Before I could work with her but now she cannot be reasoned with. She is accusing me of outlandish things that she literally made up and is truly convinced I am guilty. She is taking the little mistakes I've made and blowing them way out of proportion. Nothing I say is having any effect. How do you I defend myself when the accusations are so ridiculous and untrue? How do I reason with someone who is able to make things up in her head and wholeheartedly believe they are real?

  
Every day she is spinning me more and more into this terrible person, and I mean awful like the literal anti-christ.

  
I don't know what to do here. Everything is falling apart.",3.3207954545454537,5.141632518939397,4.510454545454547,84.09818181818183,74.18939393939394,7.072727272727272,24.12121212121212,7.84624498591911,1.2513621212121206,1051,32,206,15,22,345,152,264,0.124,0.784,0.092,-0.8973,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,4,11,10,1,0,8,1,33,1,1,8,2,48,50,20,0,4,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,14,24,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,13,2,41,7,31,34,3,36,1,0,0,0,27,17,0,2,18,158,55,4,0.2275999083839648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087679309486397,0.0,0.11395421575394525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738787121725711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750514032167689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683537925470136,0.128213578601397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866541170970985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172000687149487,0.0,0.0,0.07339155601851144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042460666967734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800963141089786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176273911704686,0.0,0.2045521219286956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926580224024067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477577595350205,0.08792156231573375,0.0,0.059455779145413876,0.0,0.0,0.09545000237397824,0.18203243838197475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679158428855314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023589965487305,0.0,0.11302903192359898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254147869800153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119381872096816,0.1140574504210328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536053644846692,0.07596235309427464,0.0,0.0,0.1239615117148192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776954021749861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919412524894416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099365730531582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25905852370216176,0.0,0.23401061252992816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049829116917207,0.0,0.11517162913188048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413649808388626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642233189205704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24164457990670465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112680594665527,0.09146809251386527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681089875527755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635766844433441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903291066857381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485431660080285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656687884315814
bpd,ChaoticEnygma,2019/04/04,"I just found this sub... guys... I’m home. Not sure if this is the right flair, but holy shit guys... I found my people. Just in the 6 posts I’ve read here, I have identified with something in all of them. This makes me feel so much better. I’m not alone, this is real, I’m not just making it up. I’m so happy right now. ",-1.1082857142857137,0.7252881000000038,0.9710714285714308,103.68517857142858,89.42857142857143,4.071428571428572,11.607142857142858,5.148860815047168,-1.7080000000000002,237,2,63,1,8,78,46,70,0.085,0.743,0.172,0.8229,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,2,2,17,12,4,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,6,3,5,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946165145342974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886655629436204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022595989138188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44349568541393103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005026237232042,0.0,0.2152903002443452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028651503814559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26999612379693505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486710923168631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020909294045072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936918686827008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229666431746335,0.2301955981712865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454270145379757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075984397546009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569572203882667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061063009298573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nbytim,2019/04/04,"Places that trigger you Recently the management at my job betrayed me, lied to me, and made me feel like shit. (Not exaggerating, others who were witness to this agreed) ... 

Ever since then being at work causes my heart to race. Causing a panic attack or an “episode”. Even thinking about work and the situation/altercation that occurred does the same. It’s happening while I’m tying this. 

Does anyone else get triggered by places ? Any advice on how to deal with it? I have work in the morning after being off for two days ",3.5346875000000004,6.290299760416668,4.256083333333336,81.64725000000003,77.4375,6.34,25.225,7.554174236665415,1.5476199999999998,411,15,71,6,10,131,76,96,0.17600000000000002,0.8009999999999999,0.024,-0.9447,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,4,4,2,1,6,0,4,2,2,6,1,15,10,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,7,1,14,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,7,50,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541036613496554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511057447262207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835872269394575,0.17343888119542075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257101885747294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34777736986284497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916625618261716,0.17451171107551133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962616465149763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140480195338434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180237490983308,0.15311596212526246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558886789969017,0.12092775090315935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843748749635795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968642335508384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058780373085827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797606347999924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826976123612572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601689946976277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860389230465533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537058404175475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713540284023834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375498852985666,0.1400233163521965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846248356431276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535387472518387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369695485486472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,A_Scrawny_Gnoll,2019/04/04,"I had a good day I was diagnosed with having borderline “traits” and I definitely identify with it a lot although I no longer self harm and rarely feel suicidal. I’m quite inward with it and don’t have much of a temper but I am very emotional and kind of struggle in silence. People who don’t know me well would have no idea. One thing I’ve found the most difficult is my attachments to people. 

I am married and have a lovely supportive husband but I have never been able to stop having a FP. My current FP is my best friend and he has been my FP for a few years which is by far the longest I’ve had the same one. He is married too and I don’t want to leave my husband but the attachment has been very very difficult to deal with and confusing. My FP is also the kind of person who is sort of hot and cold, he swings from being a bit distant to being more involved and that makes everything even more difficult.

I have other friends but whenever I go out with them and my FP isn’t there, I feel sort of empty. I never have a really good time, I just pretend to smile and wait until it’s over so that I can be seen to be making an effort with people. I do like them and enjoy their company but I don’t get the euphoric feeling that I do when my FP is there. 

Last night I went out with three friends (without FP) and I ended up having an amazing evening. I had the kind of night where my stomach hurt from laughing so much and I didn’t really miss him. I went home with a really strong feeling that maybe I will be ok. It’s a small thing but it feels like a big step for me. ",3.2822986995928005,4.010643555891239,4.674572441875738,87.18069617759096,72.65558912386706,8.052594246683302,25.871666885590443,8.321376580360154,1.45370342834625,1231,38,271,19,23,411,160,331,0.109,0.654,0.237,0.9946,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,4,12,28,1,2,20,1,43,3,1,2,2,55,63,27,1,2,8,2,6,2,3,2,1,0,1,2,15,25,0,2,8,1,0,4,11,9,1,3,12,8,38,19,33,44,10,26,0,2,1,1,19,9,0,5,15,199,53,0,0.10639472156327888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508382039479996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165469624797293,0.0,0.1161554799558085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068615793592608,0.109688286155194,0.0,0.1079884027954334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967974142066905,0.09423414367862797,0.0,0.0,0.14054542032005712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562071536982544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26898184013043336,0.07600841034347701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665632059938233,0.2466008938688136,0.0,0.055586850736621715,0.0,0.060466572131731976,0.1784776891678082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672258062331827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389774994146135,0.12010669023492344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33238119014186995,0.058471756508830075,0.08672589838839577,0.0,0.1126566479504674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395817350169556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904529875618517,0.09602539013812683,0.0,0.14203860562408266,0.0,0.106887798232858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642472456514736,0.0,0.1641163365922635,0.0,0.0,0.1996884776220766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419163369662835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128211076160384,0.09289976703333597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316388276768888,0.0,0.0,0.20447754907795374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099289841707446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895075126716924,0.0,0.1112268637486338,0.0,0.11637855682814545,0.12073546919551567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413678508157955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062039617747234085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633603635390344,0.06275436337020503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566163217777816,0.19725794562452445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256071488250797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755797575848629,0.0,0.0,0.06851471239878272
bpd,starrynight9789,2019/04/04,"My version of running away from my reality and life just until the morning... Today was a really bad day. A trigger sent me on a downward spiral and I texted a suicide hotline because I was on the verge of suicide and not wanting to face my reality at home and my own life circumstances. The volunteer crisis representative wasn't the best to my disappointment but I'm glad I held onto dear life...my eyes are so puffy from lack of sleep and crying all day. I've never cried so much. I'm currently at my college campus library (it's 10pm) until it closes at 11pm. Then I'm going to watch a movie at 11:30pm until around 1:30am. Then I'm going to spend time at a 24-hour cafe before catching a bus to another city around 2 hours away. I'm going to kill more time at another cafe once I arrive there. Then I'm going to catch the return bus back home all by 9am. All in a desperate attempt to avoid going home for just tonight, avoid my reality, avoid my family and stressors and life, and just feel free even though it's scary to be drifting to nowhere...Just wanted to share...I hope I can return safely home tomorrow...",4.064450000000001,5.144227564444441,5.4703750000000015,80.88956250000003,71.13333333333333,8.113888888888889,28.284722222222207,8.472884824447931,2.010605555555556,882,32,173,14,16,297,124,225,0.198,0.7090000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9746,1,3,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,2,11,12,1,3,13,0,6,6,3,1,4,31,23,18,3,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,3,11,0,5,1,0,2,10,3,6,0,0,5,3,14,7,35,17,9,46,0,1,2,0,1,17,0,1,19,102,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438189074023885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699329720578605,0.0,0.0,0.2184614606833808,0.08939728200488352,0.09707280662401976,0.07087142781114192,0.0,0.098929270617236,0.0,0.12200840470675205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554137825366713,0.14995703351929307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767890787325545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960021656369014,0.0,0.05878489004441961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303681014676669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664757415709753,0.11547308197516094,0.22898669002885375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862521038953173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284734092855773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546497255476257,0.0,0.08966739907414305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381382353025368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447956482409836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163446361230257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254340615089603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422552197099405,0.0,0.13558506796966285,0.0,0.1102015249999886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371471155352421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ironicbanana14,2019/04/04,"I got banned from a certain sub (some of you may know) for having BPD and it upsets me because I feel like it had very relevant information to me. I don't want to name the sub as it will cause shit, but i will say I am %100 sure at this point in time my mother has BPD as well. I'm sure that I was either born with it or developed it due to having to grow up in an emotionally abusive home. A lot of the things posted in that sub were so eye opening and useful to me. I didn't want to have to make an alt account to interact with people on there, because sometimes goddammit I have questions and want to talk to people who relate to me.

I feel like growing up with someone abusively borderline is much different than many of us here, who have been through therapy or are at least aware of what we went through and our behaviors are very tame in the abusive department due to mindfulness. It upsets me to be banned from there because what i said had in no way indicated I had BPD. It feels kinda intrusive/obsessive for somebody to go through several of my post histories to find something related to it or see what im subbed to and ruin my time there knowing that we are sensitive regardless. Like they're trying to rile us up, regardless of whether we did something or *not*... Hell i may simply be c-ptsd, does that change the fact that some of us went through growing up with a bpd parent? My dad was emotionally absent due to being mentally ill as well.

That we may have valuable input free of our BPD label? Impossible to people in that sub. I'm so upset that they choose to kick out a lot of people that could benefit from it.

Does it stop me from making another account and still going on that sub? No. But I'm not going to because how can I just read things and not be able to feel safe to interact without fear of saying something wrong.",5.460955648125463,5.488638571428576,6.253664543004168,80.2628834844401,67.59838274932613,9.656505758392553,31.688434207302127,9.457814108942452,2.684276549865229,1454,55,294,27,22,480,182,371,0.157,0.728,0.115,-0.9681,2,0,3,0,0,0,31.0,9,1,1,0,11,20,2,4,10,0,33,3,2,5,4,69,56,20,0,6,13,3,4,3,0,5,1,3,1,0,28,17,0,4,10,1,3,9,8,8,2,0,13,9,34,13,68,33,7,37,1,1,2,0,25,17,2,13,11,210,62,2,0.07715961084870676,0.2742645648683417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080908579645274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814313041502506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485899143818593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926417493463246,0.08162463727864352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061605670728014775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061537075087571,0.0,0.0,0.13504579084629012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735883536102012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682601385352214,0.15605687052803208,0.11024568281507068,0.0,0.0,0.07052248645150629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155475496774954,0.0,0.06171158946030544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739738089137581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334562037230217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480980844859548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308886513456982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311966837795501,0.0,0.0,0.10300927879141857,0.07822773472078608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777587396013435,0.0,0.07790921122466428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672119207241124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567661662317802,0.0,0.0,0.2139710354457875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294077244230332,0.0,0.1477951566132347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901954559964735,0.0,0.08643642295705707,0.0,0.07718049133521729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339645929021356,0.12272083901380408,0.0,0.0,0.0614862199579261,0.0,0.0,0.08716839764899471,0.07920323172279538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537708787970793,0.17820371432655474,0.07631282809551168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616197648949098,0.06450888964818463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544404015684032,0.0,0.0,0.062017972446078436,0.0,0.0,0.0882387395322606,0.0,0.10252283379469426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998477917406901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523863108763945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27844053431606725,0.06664112990710451,0.0,0.12732951951668595,0.13653221284545086,0.0612457076074457,0.0,0.0,0.13875151329945382,0.1430554645716261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437911141101915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436192174442445,0.0,0.0
bpd,misselainebenes,2019/04/04,"DAE feel like they put so much pressure on themselves, they couldn’t do anything at all? I had such intense pressure from my parents but myself as well that I could not live up to my own expectations. It was never enough to be a paralegal, I had to be a lawyer. It wasn’t enough to be a nurse, I had to be a doctor, etc. Because of this unbelievable pressure I pretty much couldn’t commit to anything. 

I never had the opportunity to just live and experience shit and coast it while it was good. I was always too busy trying to do it bigger and better and when it didn’t go my way right away, I’d just try something else. 

BPD with ADHD is the fucking worst I swear. ",5.113455882352942,4.983785198529414,6.050294117647059,81.96382352941178,68.33823529411765,8.270588235294117,28.764705882352942,7.645422480735847,1.583870588235294,521,16,109,5,8,173,83,136,0.15,0.6970000000000001,0.153,-0.1408,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,2,7,11,2,3,6,0,19,3,1,0,4,18,22,9,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,6,1,0,9,1,14,5,16,6,8,13,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,5,87,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980994215755363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715577501759368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27129002431419824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548677395734396,0.0,0.0,0.10048177642976562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578300327443294,0.0,0.0,0.20760368567863616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316071911686186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871542308602036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769834110388546,0.0,0.0,0.3406368647061048,0.18383439659844933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612400834413928,0.0,0.0,0.08334543780650483,0.1177580284598701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238713512761748,0.0,0.0,0.0936794269184496,0.13825562661749768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805299670031803,0.0,0.2911043322353311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423451179143201,0.0,0.2542615501077892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302956090500785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769627129312106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570452194645202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076803577688884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920057415711592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268978976620288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22382404569757067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083820781590846,0.0,0.0,0.1482062991924574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,muffin-head,2019/04/04,"New to this and looking for advise 
I don’t know where to start so I’ll apologize ahead of time.

I’ve been being treated for depression and anxiety since I was a teenager but it was always up and down. A few months ago I had to move and I broke down. I ended up at the hospital full on panicking. That’s how I ended up seeing an actual psychiatrist for the first time in a decade. For the first time I was honest with my doctors about everything including drug and alcohol abuse that I always hid. I’ve always had pretty severe social anxiety so it’s hard to communicate what I’m thinking to others. 

Long story short I’m in my thirties now and was diagnosed with bpd today. I think the doc is right based on what I’ve been reading since I left his office.",1.7637337662337664,4.071884123376627,3.8715422077922064,84.44874188311691,81.14285714285714,7.226623376623378,21.96266233766233,8.278499904357787,1.4623519480519482,601,19,118,13,16,205,94,154,0.16699999999999998,0.768,0.065,-0.9328,0,0,2,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,8,0,11,4,0,1,0,13,19,10,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,8,3,13,2,24,10,2,31,0,2,2,0,4,15,0,0,15,80,21,3,0.0,0.17380204309590558,0.14314694546600942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300306222396713,0.15676553753876638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661700802667987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443280508555816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847491978588536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634270443526727,0.1488858744611284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014203134047235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701122434214326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259845178232073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183428457039048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954655214793986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140420235254904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061623631554891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937762867875174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298148239541244,0.12318150702663352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708546716305095,0.15590680204342872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416727955764369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492350750134733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672832876874856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527129086814132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689184845364615,0.0,0.0,0.16571640173856506,0.0,0.2426847056844945,0.0,0.0,0.14953058814481374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382696925666032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798430566668728,0.0,0.0,0.2566059641708589,0.0,0.1390436719872839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JayTheS0n,2019/04/04,"At this point I’m not even sure if I have BPD. Maybe I have no mental illnesses. For some fucking reason it seems like I have all of them. I was diagnosed with borderline, yes, but I was diagnosed at 12. I’m 15 now. Maybe it’s just teenage angst and hormones. I’m constantly arguing in my head. All the time. I feel like I’m extremely self aware. Apparently that’s not at all the case. My boyfriend told me everything I’ve been doing. I feel like a horrible person. The one that hit me the hardest was that he said I blame everything on my mental illnesses. I can’t fucking stand it when people do that. I’ve always hated when people do that. I think back on it and he’s right. I hate myself for it. I hate myself so much. I go from loving myself to hating myself so quick. I go from figuring everything out to being completely lost. At first it was all because of my depression, then all because of my anxiety, then all because of my borderline. Now, I realize it’s all because of me. I can’t blame my shit on my mental illnesses. I don’t even know anymore if I have bpd. So many people say I don’t, but I’ve been believing that I do. I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. ",0.36532160450386897,2.6324723020408167,2.9244194229415936,89.14326530612247,87.20408163265307,6.807881773399013,21.917663617171005,7.990435384864732,1.3271027445460946,914,33,196,21,29,316,111,245,0.254,0.688,0.057999999999999996,-0.9951,1,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,12,16,8,1,5,1,21,10,2,1,8,30,45,13,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,0,5,2,0,2,15,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,8,11,0,2,9,4,37,5,22,34,9,25,0,2,0,3,10,11,3,5,14,134,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623657471202742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928412535571733,0.0,0.10278278353165524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969257073165027,0.0,0.2527113194955499,0.0,0.0,0.11676650816042057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106127500969545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866430643025696,0.1119977514500764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926476512564559,0.21038433004429405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369061553342991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794341746985385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480674362250254,0.1480805167397144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815591871714946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162655836983747,0.0,0.0,0.11780171702425962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092911875315592,0.10636428394448698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391539277533895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189944094886354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313503033288068,0.0,0.09353892107156013,0.0,0.0,0.10507443996934232,0.2082401187443107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31333347611926043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618714146171586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022897706599897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555226032723568,0.09049423244829156,0.0,0.0,0.09797306342388293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655892455256354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850778053481051,0.09858513586234044,0.08241848928623627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434973629663992,0.108118862621691,0.0,0.1063847144077336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767923819413496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640816724499503,0.0,0.0,0.0604331718873607,0.0,0.0,0.09903222285889003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,enreeekay,2019/03/22,Separation Anxiety My fp is leaving with her sister for las Vegas this weekend. It's a girl's trip. She was supposed to leave tomorrow but they decided to move it up a day. I was mentally prepared for her to leave tomorrow but now that she's leaving a day early I'm all bamboozled. I'm trying really hard to follow some of the advice from the other posters: I'm just trying to wait out my tantrum and put on a smiley face. I'M GONNA BE OK. Wish me luck guys. ,1.7953567251461988,3.8015174947368418,4.1771929824561465,83.91479532163747,79.3157894736842,7.590643274853799,25.292397660818715,8.515128840125781,1.9179941520467843,362,14,73,8,9,126,68,95,0.124,0.708,0.168,0.8229,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,6,1,4,1,1,0,1,12,12,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,9,2,13,8,2,14,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,7,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943549338316628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047204979941488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368449027304382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818168783533463,0.0,0.0,0.16449126186951926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7777262763784503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505005663185828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516351945396854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184593090120802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763439748159205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24933762671851345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111588270972578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PlasticL0ve,2019/03/22,"I really don’t know what to do This is my first time posting here. I feel like my life is falling apart right now. I had a baby 2 months ago and since then my moods have gotten worse. I break down on my boyfriend all the time. I feel like I want to hurt myself and I’m so scared that if i ask for help someone will take my son away. I’m on medication but it’s not helping anymore and I’m scared if I change it, It will effect my job and my ability to raise my son. I don’t want him to be motherless but I can feel myself getting closer to that edge. ",-0.2912988650693542,1.5777360491803307,1.901147540983608,98.1473203026482,86.04918032786884,5.06532156368222,17.581336696090798,6.297961479604792,-0.4494988650693568,426,10,106,4,13,143,75,122,0.13,0.778,0.092,-0.7554,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,2,0,11,2,0,1,1,17,24,10,0,4,5,2,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,3,21,2,10,19,1,17,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,9,66,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420200363400445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370597788470625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317220120627694,0.0,0.17403687354499955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959568762520348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28098517083097524,0.2646676340008221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756305382866895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677902879125996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483217896128586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830073973919707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381978891522485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180177023260382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083883311935982,0.1809955220179262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660744837392435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478549281196226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740646807558486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866798440723128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819194435948244,0.0,0.0,0.3709104131655631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532305015478306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569512630803966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927566266655492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160271313302766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185159352940658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877299467954425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wafflesandweed9494,2019/03/22,"Jealous of a newborn? Wtf Even posting this I feel absolutely ridiculous. I’ve been dating someone I am head over heels in love with, and have recently become very close with his family. Him and his brother are very close. His brothers gf gave birth yesterday to a beautiful little girl. My bf is thrilled for him, as he should be. My family is all over the country and we’re not very close, so I’m feeling very alone. My boyfriends family as well as the baby’s mother family are huge tight knit loving southern families. They all stayed up the entire night last night. Them all loving each other makes me sick and feel like a worthless piece of shit. I can’t help but feel like an outsider. I feel like I have nothing to contribute now, they are all officially one big family now and I am a nobody. Especially when his mom keeps posting how much they love the new member of the family . I am so upset feeling like an absolute psychopath though. Am I that selfish? I’m wishing I had a baby now. ",3.137173287276912,5.416147797927465,4.304620034542314,83.29805843408177,76.20207253886011,7.397697179044329,25.748128957973517,8.344100000000001,1.8798799078871613,787,29,147,15,18,257,118,193,0.109,0.7,0.192,0.9379,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,0,10,16,3,1,12,0,16,8,3,2,4,29,32,14,0,2,2,4,7,4,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,11,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,3,7,23,10,15,27,7,25,0,1,0,4,25,10,1,0,16,94,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969205299657612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335162153097424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618086259356863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6175314549812916,0.0,0.28390078428319043,0.2674139302262658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960399512087515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272461872027406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317809407682379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628008938630232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287360326052535,0.09379162069046616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33783796901300045,0.0,0.06246529430452396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959962048901067,0.0,0.0,0.06879197675543315,0.0,0.0,0.09038002797419699,0.0,0.17563674986922662,0.0,0.08979241548158995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341214626499314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924730787258006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239883860332887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960583985730416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792899257832469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974369727977483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194175364967062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088527947610878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841395475741404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761223980702517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lenouveauredditor,2019/03/22,"Something that happened to me yesterday OK so lately I've been finding it VERY hard to even get out of bed so at around 5:30 am I took some Provigil and went to sleep then at about 8 am got up feeling refreshed and went straight to work. I was in a SURPRISINGLY good mood, like I couldn't even believe it, I was actually smiling! it was AMAZING I hadn't felt like that in years! Flash forward a couple hours and some tiny incident happened (one of my coworkers talked to me in a different tone, which I interpreted as yelling) all of a sudden I felt totally sad and angry so immediately went home bawled my eyes out and then slept all day. Sorry for the rant, I just needed to tell this to someone so I could have some words of encouragement or something, I don't know... ",3.2022624434389115,5.089356908496736,4.270588235294117,85.40687782805429,74.68627450980392,7.322071392659629,28.109100050276517,8.139509932561175,1.8266062342885871,609,25,124,10,13,198,98,153,0.08199999999999999,0.743,0.175,0.9325,1,0,2,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,5,1,11,3,3,0,3,26,25,13,0,3,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,13,6,14,7,23,10,6,23,0,1,1,0,3,11,0,4,11,82,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.1518211620511761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384969268472989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528252525159882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421594514649345,0.17214350422540187,0.0,0.10033459335116547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625453363760122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055148947034947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866464012227843,0.0,0.29875752551691914,0.0,0.1421949831100706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128280345258172,0.0,0.0,0.13049099505596135,0.124429509827873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751532743304649,0.0,0.13936684876247704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560568808954384,0.0,0.15321246284802295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550130523410364,0.0,0.17549815529849674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201458028383458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535871786587855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054233156398995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568981967746426,0.0,0.13182027995046836,0.2395422644496115,0.0,0.1741562330669321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504727198685706,0.1359815604479901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728522863790387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283677007725658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326656019683888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132622463422396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018678568259687
bpd,signsoflife6,2019/03/22,"Splitting so badly on SO. I oscillate from wanting to break up and feeling very incompatible to feeling very much in love and wanting him in my life. I don't know what's the right thing to do. I am sure I love him but sometimes I think that there's overwhelming evidence that we shouldn't be together. 

Last night he was mean to me and upon me questioning as to whether or not we watched a movie because I couldn't remember he told me in a sort of playful voice not to correct him when he was right, which struck a chord in me for a few different reasons and I was put off. Needless to say, it felt to me as if though that particular instance was nothing but a small instance and manifestation of the incredible incompatibility between us and that I should just end things because otherwise I'm delaying the inevitable.

But when I seriously consider doing so my eyes well up with tears and I feel horror and sadness thinking that he'll never be my baby ever again, that I'll never talk to him, that our the future we've planned and longed for is over. 

I know I can love others the way I love him, but right now I feel like all I want is to love him. But of course, this changes within the day. When we're hanging out most often than not I wish we connected more, I wish we spoke more, I feel like we can't have conversation, I feel unwanted and want more out of the relationship and sometimes I feel hurt, like yesterday. Then when we're apart, like now, I miss him, I think about how much I love him, the prospect of breaking up breaks my heart and it makes my eyes well up with tears. 

I don't know what to do, or what to think. I feel like I can't assess the reality of the situation. I don't know if I'm potentially ruining a good relationship and losing on a good person, or if we're incompatible and my unhappiness is a symptom of a shitty relationship, or if I'm assessing it this way because I'm constantly splitting between two extremes. 

I don't know. ",6.516003142373705,5.7983729619289335,7.300746918056562,76.1368443316413,65.57360406091371,10.651970026589318,34.75175247764081,10.07000556051586,3.2024980904036733,1553,63,320,31,21,520,176,394,0.12300000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.174,0.9738,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,7,0,0,2,19,25,0,1,19,0,24,11,3,3,6,85,64,40,0,14,18,0,9,5,0,3,2,3,0,1,19,23,0,1,22,1,0,2,13,8,2,1,7,15,54,17,46,51,8,48,0,6,3,6,35,21,0,12,25,223,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742048199512082,0.1476681056894655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541975844268856,0.0,0.0,0.08725896321080624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052075219775955056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436356626982884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151799149331907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304040330504162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266254069422789,0.1730573006394822,0.07752990908411025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545372576612566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568573961340876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864414743259247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188255877080526,0.06581968935107378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057034086956991414,0.1972448487862012,0.0,0.0,0.07145867041616583,0.0,0.09033538583559836,0.0,0.0,0.4372646325600606,0.0,0.05389933729004598,0.0,0.0,0.08795729803958131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871686507755905,0.0,0.12455433143583786,0.0,0.0,0.07577571295492375,0.0,0.07747905043936773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050528066642034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117316966794963,0.09045526713260728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302149960090897,0.0,0.2600766013917241,0.09147075928041473,0.2068728273263528,0.0,0.06421335992378098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076315898162952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972195551066967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610321583858717,0.0839271871561393,0.0,0.06490148565518222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728961242066087,0.20695800576357504,0.07933364672617911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715734449347603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887821446139155,0.0,0.09712885706611113,0.0,0.0,0.13324968002748672,0.19050700098617687,0.12818662903506345,0.0,0.0,0.1452027371238053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857104324721348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,north_grove,2019/03/22,"Quick poll: what zodiac sign is everyone? before you hate - I’m not super into astrology but I do see a lot of correlations between my friends and family’s signs and their actions, teehee. Just curious. Maybe there’s a sign that’s really correlated with BPD symptoms I think that would be very interesting 

I’m a Sagittarius by the way ",2.693214285714287,5.64144250793651,5.087599206349207,72.61330357142859,84.23809523809524,9.49920634920635,25.33531746031746,9.516144504307137,3.3901126984126995,270,11,46,10,8,94,52,63,0.07,0.7559999999999999,0.175,0.8256,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,13,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,5,7,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480552208294632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36714912909655056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785521856796772,0.0,0.0,0.2748115472098355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252214296443921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28780772453425746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24783305755319884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928629619122809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675003651048053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322973028063164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30299256115879736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186789103577254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405279099251041,0.0,0.23138863789983105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070817439675808,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ijustwantamommy,2019/03/22,DAE feel like u just want a mommy to hold u It's all I want out of this thing we call existence.,-0.5260869565217376,0.544170521739133,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,82.91304347826087,6.339130434782609,15.847826086956525,7.1686216300943375,-0.5326347826086959,74,1,21,1,2,26,21,23,0.0,0.746,0.254,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5183691992751647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566839798392063,0.3626665141920809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24801300431927176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372612678156779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988523141312775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AsleepPsychology,2019/03/22,"22 year Male BPD wondering more info! Hey guys, 

This is my first post. I'd like to ask some questions! I want to get an insight about how you manage your BPD and the symptoms that come along with it. 

1) Besides a diagnosis of BPD from a certified professional, how did you know  that something was not right within the realms of your personality?

2) I find oftentimes my BPD is constantly flucuating. What I mean is some days, I feel great and have absolutely no symptoms of BPD. Other days, I am self-harming, missing school and experiencing problems with strong emotions.  Is this common?

Specific chain of events on a bad day for example: 

--> Miss work OR school (no call, no show) from a depressive episode. --> Feelings of fear and anxiety secondary to missing school --> constant worry about the consequences
 --> due to the strong emotions, anxiety and fear caused from absentism, I cut (self-harm) --> Instantly feel better and not so empty. 

Besides intimate relationship stressors, this is the only time I self harmed that didn't involve a women in my life.

Does the above describe the actions of someone with BPD?

3) Even though I was diagnosed with BPD,on the good days I feel like I don't have it. I still feel like I am normal, when my psychiatrist said I have BPD I was confused. Some days are so good though, I don't understand. 

4) My BPD seemed to only be severely symptomatic during intimate relationships, is this the same for anyone else? Since I am single, I have way less ""episodes"" and feel once again, like  I don't have BPD. The only self-harm episode I had was fear of the consequences regarding my no call no show absents. 

5) What are some suddle signs of BPD that are easy to miss?

6) And this is very general and will warrant quite a lengthy response, but how do you guys manage your BPD? I really want to not let this interfere with my life anymore. 

** I also live in Canada and mental health resources for DBT are lacking. Access to DBT is out of the question. 


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bpd,peachs0das,2019/03/22,"kind of weird to maybe have a future ive always figured that i would end up tapping out by the time im like. 25, but after focusing a lot abt college and careers in school, im startin to think that maybe ill be fine and be here a lot longer than ive always anticipated. its kind of nice. a little odd after years of thinking otherwise, but nice",5.297916666666668,4.686564069444452,6.343888888888888,81.64,68.02777777777779,8.866666666666667,30.5,8.07648339933343,1.9279333333333333,271,9,58,3,4,91,50,72,0.102,0.7559999999999999,0.141,0.4424,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,12,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,7,34,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33514611852485665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837223928514215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350726759905405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194345054948642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838924340804682,0.20184622456643908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34243006433978584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046477248856756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381797446481686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258085847737242,0.0,0.0,0.11743244125725695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430620588118925,0.0,0.0,0.1296889025301355
bpd,0_lazy_boy,2019/03/22,"DAE imagine scenarios in their head and get really pissed off by them or upset? And you actually feel like they are real? I keep on making up scenarios in my head about my bf leaving me or replacing me. It's getting me really worked up. I keep on imagining he's going to replace with me someone else. I'm getting so angry I'm stomping and throwing things about. I'm trying to relax with coffee and anime atm. But I'm wondering does this happen to anyone else and what you do to stop these thoughts. 
Sorry I just feel like talking about it might get it off my head a little. ",2.3172962382445164,4.4567143189655205,4.289968652037619,83.08826018808777,78.22413793103449,6.97680250783699,24.33855799373041,8.00094639256281,1.587337931034483,455,16,86,8,11,155,73,116,0.125,0.809,0.065,-0.8071,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,3,1,5,5,1,1,1,0,3,4,4,1,0,23,20,9,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,6,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,15,3,18,18,0,12,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,4,3,54,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.15172456904036202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871416870116332,0.15930607698746713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606026613770236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597646399829077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572291828097677,0.2221477152357068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249243559360538,0.0,0.08836200353683682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748910693280686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786973299630448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763928347516155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646292616515526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191786421475126,0.15583028323925807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037830931211005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493809787259575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696854951181526,0.1992069918727654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173641207885714,0.0,0.0,0.17404542983847107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998697166015066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496771329864713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329299390881926,0.0,0.0,0.12343254649397176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555968246248312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168609779959673,0.11319018562792313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crazygirl133,2019/03/22,"BPD Psychosis or something else? I had some very surreal psych ward experiences that I’m still having a hard time understanding... I basically had visions of being married to an old friend and was getting secret messages about an earthquake that is going to kill my family in the future. Other odd things, like my whole life playing like a movie and then eventually waking up to a place that felt a lot like heaven. I just remember a sign saying ‘Happy 872nd birthday smartass’ and then blank. Later I started stripping naked and so I was tied to the bed in restraints, where the shadows in the ceiling became the voice of god and I was being judged. I felt like I was in some kind of purgatory. I found random unexplainable notes that said ‘i love you’ which i was convinced was from my future husband. Is this even BPD? I don’t know what to believe, because I was hearing voices and seeing angels, not just struggling with my mood. I also hadn’t slept in 7 days. I was having trouble speaking and my thoughts were racing. Anyone out there with similar experiences because I’m really lost? I was diagnosed bipolar for a long time but the pdoc is saying it’s deffo bpd and im just not sure at all",5.361315789473687,6.673852456140352,6.011359649122809,77.34493421052632,68.2982456140351,7.980701754385965,30.4780701754386,8.278499904357787,2.3348807017543862,952,37,166,13,16,310,142,228,0.055,0.8420000000000001,0.10300000000000001,0.7591,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,10,17,1,1,14,0,21,6,2,0,2,33,38,14,1,0,7,1,3,4,1,0,3,7,1,0,10,11,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,20,11,21,12,21,16,5,23,2,1,1,1,11,10,0,5,16,115,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003839260812062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777142287039971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304023322531954,0.0,0.0,0.14142598501284484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742907261930538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095455422714694,0.0,0.0,0.127407300160523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048617320773983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290942401854663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455790577348006,0.118335718797355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410512814416736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763391687886162,0.09698187734879572,0.0,0.06558269585850789,0.0,0.07133990785898793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336258649776916,0.1124475690664418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414780936472051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559074043202418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887706798518187,0.1307170923416599,0.06898637668107599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866345845913229,0.24530467851368876,0.0,0.0,0.1110874775775101,0.0,0.0,0.13702758912944185,0.1067185979085176,0.11329305173200525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171950933754314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114903652389068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041583416080368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219766280820909,0.0,0.11940495752259388,0.19964827610606828,0.0,0.0,0.1000287963929066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663684572482692,0.0,0.0,0.0888486828231271,0.0,0.10024605384213647,0.0,0.0,0.13122811384089705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830774675500988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339458560219466,0.0,0.0,0.09965444581628613,0.1463916493910811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067807239279589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357295172200084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401464539033559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fizzyong,2019/03/22,Any tips for impulse control? Hi! This isn’t the most positive thing to make as my first post here but i feel genuinely lost. I’m a fan of multiple musicians and i had their posters/merch displayed in my room. My father constantly uses the artists i like as a way to break me down. He mocks the artists for the way they look/sound and me for liking them. I couldn’t sleep at all last night just thinking about it and decided to take all of the merch down to make it seem like i don’t like them at all. I’m hoping this will make him stop being rude to me but in reality in probably won’t. Ever since i got diagnosed with bpd it seems like he’s trying his hardest to make me flare up with rage or guilt. It probably sounds like such a minor thing to be stressed about but it’s making me feel numb. I feel like i’ve lost who i am as a person just to make myself seem like the perfect daughter. I feel like these impulsive decisions i’m making are ruining my life. If anyone has any tips on how to feel better i’d love to hear them,1.8616323065728828,3.556435585253457,3.274348775163716,91.92926752364781,77.94009216589863,6.964734416686878,22.480960465680326,7.85451343220497,0.870636866359447,810,24,183,13,19,265,123,217,0.13,0.657,0.212,0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,6,8,22,3,2,10,0,11,5,1,10,5,42,38,12,0,3,7,2,5,9,0,2,3,2,1,1,11,5,0,2,11,2,0,0,4,9,0,1,4,7,26,13,31,29,4,20,0,3,0,1,16,10,0,7,15,108,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992058670832647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193440740461178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098687372937528,0.0,0.0,0.12957073122602986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111741337394342,0.11538597218764715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441859475835777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305867576949728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600900192508896,0.1469915508041595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750763091660604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228061186374089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595052802405965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218066612418616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385897193078369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266548876755209,0.4523471733409356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639127056540219,0.0,0.2246060984259884,0.0,0.09285104733274456,0.0,0.480701161038532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654365507299993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982874897571838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852829932744188,0.0,0.22183889804822166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809676997666859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085101410824358,0.0,0.10295189333895187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601027711848701,0.11784593905381535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735114919480596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669460742148098,0.06591980973811554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984713487190984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885321204657337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331889487986168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ATouchySubject,2019/03/22,"Human Touch I work on myself constantly. I always have some big goal that I'm working on, some big thing that I know makes me different from 'normal' people that I'm trying to correct. A few years back I decided that my aversion to touch was going to be the thing. I had always hated people touching me and me touching people. Never really understood why it was such a *thing* that people did all the time. My wife is not very cuddly/touchy and it was never a comfortable feeling. But I tackled it because while it can be normal to not enjoy constant touching, my aversion to it was absolutely rooted in my childhood trauma and I don't like to have ***that*** be the reason behind any of my behaviors. 

So, I accomplished my goal. It took a few years and lots of support from my friends. I had them slowly ramp up the normal type of touching that they always held back from doing around me. Random touches on arms or shoulders while talking, moving up to hugging when saying hello or goodbye. And I'm good now, like really good with it. But now I have a new problem...I like it. A lot. I get it now...why people touch each other. It's nice and comforting and warm. 

How the heck do people initiate human touch with others? How do you know when it's appropriate and not weird? How do you know what to do? I yearn for the kinds of friendships where like you're cuddled up on the couch sharing a warm blanket or you hug not just to say hello/goodbye. But when I reach out to touch a friend on the arm or sit close to them on the couch even though there's empty seats further away...I feel awkward. It feels weird and unusual and I'm not sure if I'm making them uncomfortable. ",2.1832481918886764,4.466824450151059,3.579824224114258,87.2620974091367,79.42296072507553,5.8248100338734785,22.417009978943515,6.980632752743323,0.7959639476334339,1307,41,252,15,33,428,160,331,0.105,0.769,0.126,0.8109,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,3,4,5,18,26,1,1,17,0,21,6,3,7,5,60,41,28,0,5,14,1,15,4,2,0,0,2,2,2,25,16,0,1,9,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,10,17,32,20,34,28,8,39,0,1,0,3,17,17,1,10,22,181,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592490176520978,0.0,0.0,0.070625500383983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245367418495676,0.0,0.0,0.0975759359391781,0.15971738785885992,0.0,0.06330952725836228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446243286474565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085071987637762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859577157268586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753782787745335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047745558623278,0.0,0.05426036518146346,0.0,0.059023640333297975,0.1742186229774808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253609393263843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814982630814528,0.1712292827670752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029547773636928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658896202324162,0.0,0.0,0.13864909612429305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103822716634552,0.0,0.0,0.1601999796306754,0.1003045717292265,0.0,0.0,0.30526987843825515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43200317985056574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993759675561346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306536033075134,0.10678105202487516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651805895984615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785432277759868,0.09788285551073696,0.0,0.0,0.08347535216241535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699152160629933,0.0,0.102037788995785,0.0,0.060559147893326226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538760700901544,0.07051126595115438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569190561306872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742739830295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121650796377878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375945086997504
bpd,lionsroar1031,2019/03/22,"My Therapist Suggested Seeing Someone Else I’m devastated. I’ve been seeing him for 3 years. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but he’s always been there for me and he’s one of the first people I actually believed when he says he cares. 

He thinks it’s in my best interest to consider seeing another therapist, because he’s not sure we’re the best fit. He’s made it clear he will still work with me if I choose. Despite this, I still feel like he’s abandoning me. I don’t know what to do with myself; my emotions are so intense I don’t feel capable of regulating myself even with all the skills and emotion tolerance I’ve learned. 

I feel crazy because I know how irrational my response is, but I still feel heartbroken. I know the best way to deal is to talk with him at our next session. It’s not until Tuesday though and I don’t feel like I can keep myself functioning super well until then. I feel like I’m back in the same place I was before I started therapy and I hate it so much. ",2.430196078431376,4.3009192745098055,4.216274509803919,85.01990196078434,76.84313725490195,7.866666666666667,26.03921568627451,8.680891452615391,1.9269921568627453,788,30,163,17,18,266,111,204,0.109,0.635,0.256,0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,7,12,13,1,0,5,0,13,0,0,2,3,34,33,16,0,1,5,0,6,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,2,12,0,0,0,5,2,1,2,5,10,29,11,19,27,6,21,0,1,3,0,17,7,0,1,16,103,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.11188334758459924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095399251522506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022211831997585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815994402713058,0.0,0.13978100829982248,0.0,0.09756000143028896,0.12917300482537708,0.3609590992665473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116894868631408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820068568884436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957766355482759,0.2579350629833287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572624951379525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478275289627231,0.24572121241843126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752252673507436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319464239986393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190754139555773,0.0,0.0,0.18902843562519075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680388283231245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848604304361296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428206124092819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193319520491085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776908390628961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948492994560248,0.0,0.1197864390069862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117549271615503,0.0,0.0,0.27408725909805154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714386322129444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115093795526915,0.0,0.2746825626598794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805770340631812,0.0,0.0,0.09215255111468214,0.0,0.0,0.13111400831608352,0.26623850950274064,0.0,0.07346406639305375,0.11264453904630466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100504221993312,0.0,0.0,0.10308548810334356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346767410099093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383182169381176
bpd,DevotetoEmote,2019/03/22,"How can I save my relationship? I befriended this guy last year, and I just can‘t live without them anymore. It was a new person walking into my life, someone I could have for myself and and the whole world was perfect. He liked me and I liked him and I was happy to see him every day and dreaded every secound I couldn‘t be with him. I loved the moments so much I where we were alone and just for ourselves. When I met him, my whole personality changed like I adopted his quiet personality and his interests and I pushed my body to it‘s limits like staying up all day to do things for him like making him gift, playing games he liked but found tedious for him and facing my fears. We talked with each other and I didn‘t have to do the first step in everything. 

I opened up to him about my problems and he was very supportive, like that I was cutting myself because I couldn't deal with my feelings and how important he is to me, and he bought up to me that he things I might have BPD and that‘s how I ended up here (I will see a therapist soon). But one day, I felt into a really deep hole and became somewhat depressed and I still am. He cut back on seeing me and we never were alone again. He became really cold and even mire quiet than he used to. When we were in the same room, he only talks with other people and not me. He wasn‘t the person I fell in love with anymore.

He wasn't perfect in my eyes anymore and I sent him a text stating that he is never there for me and is always ignoring me. He said that he is just a human and just because he talks with other people doesn't mean he‘s ignoring me, I told him that I‘m afraid that I will destroy this relationship and he said to me that when it happens, I just should hang out with another person.

I really don‘t want to loose him, how can I make him love me again? How can I save the relationship that gave my life meaning? Please help me!",4.165456543456543,4.911063940259744,5.049935064935067,85.23116633366634,70.63636363636364,7.689310689310691,25.976523476523475,7.748469712250963,1.2793656343656346,1487,43,309,17,26,485,174,385,0.08900000000000001,0.757,0.154,0.9722,0,2,0,0,0,1,31.0,4,0,1,4,25,28,3,3,11,0,35,8,3,8,5,81,60,35,0,6,9,0,2,7,0,4,2,4,1,7,19,40,0,3,5,2,1,6,12,10,0,2,20,11,70,18,37,32,7,44,0,1,4,3,62,17,0,2,26,233,89,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173243349375025,0.0,0.0,0.06959185353532228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769964036726405,0.0,0.0,0.2488333207124729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431092293183137,0.0,0.10196746097453432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290074374274912,0.10533661659735052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847580029003202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677654200726743,0.0,0.0,0.16181490660787365,0.08622504553185242,0.07203556589803267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740766732178545,0.0,0.0,0.0552407904762236,0.0,0.14093387761242498,0.0,0.07516664564241696,0.0,0.0,0.09411375434918737,0.04228887554988901,0.0,0.08030367771681766,0.0,0.0,0.07114074050508408,0.0,0.09170255920516823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281279113126787,0.07395904028301857,0.08903207924572679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605944911367327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681745043107881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814916312873305,0.28602228143288483,0.0,0.07385212197525147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264542712927185,0.0,0.11165536144752147,0.0,0.0,0.18220824964336865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872458114609368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061482084690675176,0.0,0.1290104813486381,0.0807761718203032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667391941566604,0.06360894824042497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596534594896188,0.3651386544144927,0.0,0.09180721468480277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002835854573771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073809335066608,0.0,0.0,0.2693812984765471,0.0,0.0,0.15911398054948436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999411954144069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086451301514485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891448499193163,0.06679181916790218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490914384388843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167035079619036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710784446986052,0.11112808669547153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991778397376514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223465239588557,0.0,0.06900846065218348,0.049330680864705226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675321865290467,0.0,0.08062212129024891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385884312047911
bpd,DeumCulpa,2019/03/22,"Left My Partner/FP of 8 Years. Now what? (TW for possible abuse?) This is my first time talking about BPD online and I'm newish to Reddit.

It's been 2 months since I left my ex and it's not getting any easier. He was also my FP and in the beginning I did everything I could to be just like him and impress him. After awhile I stabilized and maintained a sense of identity or something like that. Our relationship was very rocky, especially in the beginning. I don't feel like he appreciated what he had initially. There were a lot of times that he'd ignore me for days when he got mad at me to ""discipline"" me, which made me internalize and lash out at myself. There were lots of break up threats and short break ups, where I was forced to beg my way back into the relationship. While there were lots of absolutely great moments, I feel like I was not valued enough and sometimes emotionally abused. I left and I lashed out at him. I turned into a complete bitch, but at the same time I was luring him back because I fear losing him from my life. 

​

I made the decision this week to cut ties after he started using my BPD against me. He'd call me a monster, a sociopath, a slut, every negative term uninformed people would refer to us as. He even told me I abused him, and yes there were times I probably went over the line in my choice of words, hurting him psychologically was never my intention. And I genuinely feel bad. He says I'm not capable of understanding guilt or my actions. He twists our history around to make it look like he's the victim and that I did everything to hurt him. I can't stop crying. I can't stop beating myself up over this. I feel like I deserved none of this but at the same time I feel like I do deserve this. It still hurts. I've attempted to move on, but I keep wanting to go back and talk to him. I don't necessarily want to get back together with him, it really wasn't a healthy relationship, but I HATE losing people. And to know he talks bad about me on other subreddits or has threatened to blackmail me terrifies me.

​

I hate him but I feel like I can't be without him. And his impression of me still matters so much. To know that he sees me as ""BPD trash"" hurts so much.

​

So to you who have lost a FP, how did you get through it? And how do you cope with people who misunderstand and mistreat you based on your diagnosis?",3.405994029190623,5.0230692920168085,4.615431225121629,84.28297434763381,73.51680672268907,8.119770013268466,26.391862007961077,8.766177420268882,1.856395798319328,1877,66,388,37,38,618,226,476,0.209,0.705,0.086,-0.9971,0,0,1,0,3,0,65.0,3,5,0,6,24,31,7,2,16,1,32,2,0,7,1,72,66,35,0,4,13,1,6,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,21,24,0,5,11,0,0,4,13,20,0,1,22,9,77,11,60,38,10,62,0,7,2,1,46,26,1,6,37,266,98,0,0.0,0.2277813180382048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124663220083325,0.0,0.2082995985913846,0.2336012085032836,0.043578195526863386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057046877811894235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710148655404816,0.10701217117832933,0.03906400581345668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421284298227109,0.0,0.06543524426050204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718912483350861,0.0,0.0,0.051164542104777895,0.0,0.07039145247953432,0.04132781439635001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208401858328749,0.0,0.06621419791706191,0.0,0.04232578784798945,0.0,0.053992143785356286,0.0,0.11518616838313694,0.0,0.0,0.07211045978561847,0.1944117699356636,0.228902218481026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054508414235366016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044114903459488,0.0,0.036419476324659784,0.0,0.0512525093872363,0.07065101718573541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265361073737812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744059245421132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695933715075655,0.0,0.0,0.07043596740345306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887698256928547,0.0,0.045263258996598235,0.2504591945679675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381303450879853,0.1433835162020804,0.06995345505616853,0.16344156727588807,0.0,0.12127253817040864,0.04277546628113936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051149920446757945,0.06810939662156802,0.09421580142629182,0.0,0.049424258927646215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332798984601897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224322115695507,0.0,0.0,0.06909161190669898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410527943789344,0.0,0.0,0.20640138548418735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050960856855017854,0.0,0.0,0.051065336238119416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300958218888188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933372386633559,0.06337908280336171,0.0,0.04535781721151202,0.0,0.10235249509322968,0.10715142815695708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452089677650632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683466832003595,0.0,0.0,0.0612334316832585,0.0,0.0,0.06970319516905439,0.0,0.06671198641115156,0.07708317688581913,0.05534657535173139,0.0,0.052874650056606534,0.07559486077865134,0.050865586699847164,0.05140299584056124,0.0,0.0,0.05940498053099755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177309868610027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552226287921038,0.0,0.2336012085032836,0.04126693242445043
bpd,PM_ME_SERATONIN,2019/03/22,"Weird question, but is there a way to lock myself out of my phone? I haven’t had the balls to see a therapist/psychiatrist yet, but I’m fairly sure that I have BPD.

I heavily rely on my boyfriend for support and even though I try to stop it I often find myself being manipulative and only wanting him to spend time with me, and I often have “episodes” of severe paranoia that he’s going to leave me, he’s talking bad about me, etc etc.

I’m a walking ball of self destruction during these episodes and I’ve managed to lash out at everyone who has ever loved me, and now I’m alone and spend most days just hiding in my room.

I’m trying to be a better person and get a better grip on my impulsiveness during these episodes, and where most of it happens is my phone. I go off the deep end and send nasty texts and make vague, annoying Facebook posts. 

I was wondering if anyone else experienced this and knows a way to lock themselves out of their phone for 30-60 minutes?

I have no self control. If I turn it off, I’ll just turn it back on. If I put it on airplane mode, I’ll  take it off. I have no one who will lock it for me or “keep” it from me during my episodes.

Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks <3",4.70807795698925,4.719883866935491,5.560419354838711,84.64479569892475,69.20161290322581,8.387526881720433,28.630107526881726,8.021203637495839,1.6399378494623662,941,30,203,11,15,309,140,248,0.16,0.737,0.10300000000000001,-0.9092,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,13,11,2,0,8,0,14,1,0,3,2,39,34,18,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,15,15,0,3,4,2,2,5,3,4,0,1,2,3,28,7,31,29,4,31,0,0,1,1,18,15,0,10,8,132,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903934998818265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129252725878956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386858650785802,0.13755186143244205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322761541888084,0.1120905929697986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374610297324242,0.0,0.0,0.16907932979228585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056936593871298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657817462862122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121460977498936,0.0,0.11890294814378954,0.0,0.29944166422700164,0.08866884216168094,0.12143404904473765,0.0,0.12827871056861692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269927716684699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013848879609548,0.0,0.15259126702803855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871413158193254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932485447389755,0.0,0.0,0.07377861102824995,0.0,0.0,0.1421481327934598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116311071939373,0.0,0.08961087934609631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096920540111454,0.10210085234077826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721925568513535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857146562518512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495526065768876,0.1503873041262038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069774354843122,0.0,0.2800976870935886,0.15166083786167314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122364585955278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234184418154112,0.12652615848805632,0.0,0.10093699665633687,0.10790261054847886,0.0,0.1235965518465857,0.0,0.15587105216506952,0.0,0.0,0.1318969434931878,0.0,0.07828047418796584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228972917429093,0.2920442559891209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918232736375258,0.21311795516946475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558508707104806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MoonFish03,2019/03/22,"Has anyone else taken a personality test or have proficiency in reading the results? I recently took the MMPI-2. I didn't finish it at the Neuro psychologists office and had to mail it back in. He emailed me my results but it's just a bunch of numbers and I don't know what they mean. Does anyone know what the numbers mean or how to read the results? A very nice person gave me their take on the results. Some of the results were very shocking and confusing to me. It said I had things like psychotic tendencies, hypochondriac, high paranoia,  and hysteria.  I've been working on my bpd for many years now and I was delusionaly hoping it would say that I was more neurotypical now. Anyway has anyone else taken this or any other official personality test? What were the results? How did it make you feel? You can pm me if you don't want to post it publicly. Trying to not feel alone in this. ",2.9891142270861835,5.443794238372097,4.203556771545831,82.94582079343365,77.54651162790698,7.070314637482902,25.815321477428174,8.124751697461798,1.7866124487004098,707,27,133,13,17,231,102,172,0.087,0.8390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.2911,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,1,7,5,0,1,11,0,16,0,0,9,0,32,31,12,0,4,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,3,15,5,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,14,4,17,3,14,16,3,15,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,7,7,94,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492152222844454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797395304988746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022156390076735,0.2952377378206319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107825344546756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145373795839292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607844578624774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407074674256716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569434239408938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222005984150433,0.0,0.14309608072650395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835649181837555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038633963855888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616923037880168,0.14606647344087198,0.0,0.31387345685333945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773945425067359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379812249145979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28822213062941904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225379541249836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704553774736092,0.11457189854999306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832427218682864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571508642686392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006937905113905,0.09781548339094297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23774910454848106,0.08497744400837799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488618821149702,0.0,0.0,0.10234467012988337,0.0,0.0,0.092777694234119
bpd,adi_ccion,2019/03/22,"How can I stop my attempts in trying to act upon what should be a platonic relationship? I started work on Monday, as a tattoo apprentice. A few hours in, a small gesture from someone already had caught my attention: he was the first of me coworkers to acknowledge me, to get up from his station and introduce himself, just to say hi.
That got caught on my brain.
On Tuesday we spent a good amount of time talking and getting to know each other, I started the conversation asking him if he was tired but I noticed I wanted to keep it going as well. Since he's an artist that was my perfect excuse for me to follow him on social media.
We have talked a couple of times since that, including late night conversations. I know myself so much, I know I'm attempting some kind of connection with this guy even just barely knowing him. And I get a quite reciprocal feeling.
The thing is, not only this guy is a hot mess, but also my coworker. And I'm in a position where it wouldn't look good if I get myself involved with someone and it gets out. One of the few women, a young apprentice... It just doesn't feel right.
And still I can't get it out of my head, and every time I try not to interact with him I fail. I know it's my brain being stupid, not reacting to reason, because I already fixed my attention on him for reasons I can't quite get yet.
What can I do to stop my attempts on talking to him and pursuing something that's bound to end very badly and abruptly?
I know I get bored pretty quickly, but I want to make sure I don't do something I can regret before that. ",4.833037974683549,5.250559392405067,5.9568101265822815,80.4967341772152,69.0,8.851645569620256,30.35696202531645,8.841846274778883,2.3545448101265825,1232,46,244,20,20,412,166,316,0.09699999999999999,0.821,0.08199999999999999,-0.753,2,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,2,0,0,9,12,12,1,0,15,0,20,4,3,5,2,56,52,19,0,7,11,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,17,17,0,4,13,1,1,5,8,6,1,2,8,5,45,6,41,40,6,40,0,2,1,0,29,16,0,3,19,174,62,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265038899796065,0.07705147586794428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007472964230663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804486594632193,0.05873438257259474,0.0,0.08198719579270282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151180902379862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661001753473223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533796218715582,0.0,0.0,0.06363860961985443,0.0,0.08117946848941061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743543563303372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195570291520399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40271335896615135,0.0,0.05475822079693783,0.16162848936576793,0.0770603124659188,0.0,0.0,0.19080432560434196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888343043320788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488585366183663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856407690309503,0.0,0.10033423954691202,0.3177103553665853,0.0,0.10868758305969838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091017012759183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431472013584698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082871828071971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041843586247994,0.0,0.0,0.10969570539122774,0.0,0.0,0.0652896057827596,0.0732789120232492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802311726656623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496127563943656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198128763007143,0.0,0.10344440008220056,0.0,0.08228281745288983,0.0,0.0766218005660541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940429126306682,0.0,0.0,0.0982172212218501,0.16327496550263673,0.14835067479423467,0.0,0.0,0.13639478764571855,0.0,0.0769456495676963,0.16110669767519478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080922464329833,0.0,0.0,0.2323286943502699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401100406101495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854828876488653,0.1107407487679631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083135665038628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949926947192394,0.11366006585955035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663068852611981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014432593842555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ponzufish,2019/03/22,"Can't stop listening to My Heart - Uffie. Cutest song with lyrics that literally mirror my thoughts at times Lyrics go like this:


If love is heavenly, then tell me
How come it can hurt like hell?
If everything is black and white
Then how come I see in pastel?
How come being such a sad girl
Makes me wanna be a bad girl?
How come being such a sad, sad girl
Makes me wanna be a bad, bad girl?
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
I know you're good
I know you're right
Why do I still put up a fight?
Why do I want what I don't like?
Why do I want what I don't like?
How come being such a sad girl
Makes me wanna be a bad girl?
How come being such a sad, sad girl
Makes me wanna be a bad, bad girl?
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating
My heart keeps beating the shit outta me
She's a total fucking narcissist",1.5392361751152066,3.959877667857146,2.050437788018435,96.44940092165899,83.03571428571428,4.327188940092166,20.1036866359447,5.4233941145090725,-0.28105645161290305,1097,31,231,5,31,335,74,280,0.322,0.518,0.16,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,24,11,31,11,0,18,0,17,35,33,10,1,55,61,11,0,8,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,8,5,8,0,25,3,1,0,8,3,24,0,0,1,5,48,7,9,52,1,17,2,7,3,2,13,4,10,2,9,114,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300934512319978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421508400330956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02333841408590925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02400704910513036,0.0,0.0,0.014758244521680132,0.02178077312423537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7693067776307386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02779934077366257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539584268395407,0.0,0.0,0.02854272864317365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074672138591843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0234371841827048,0.0,0.06933551545643599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026105068462499555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022176577730780217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02069317834407439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324668852154124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020738122873106144,0.021710457386737103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022697225321387144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02061573561233555,0.015142182142399891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030633264191069487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029639374827211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angelsoaps,2019/03/22,"Trouble coming to terms with being abused? so i recently just got out of a 3-4 year long relationship with a jealous, controlling partner (i'd rather not go into detail)

​

so far everybody i've talked to about it has told me he was abusive towards me, but i feel extreme amounts of guilt and self-hatred for being treated like a victim. during our relationship i was often told i was manipulative, and that i use people for attention, and at this point i've convinced myself everything they said about me was true. i've been really struggling with believing that i deserve help or sympathy from others. i feel like a horrible person, and i feel as if i don't deserve friends because i tell myself that in order for these people to like somebody like me i must be manipulating them in some way.

​

part of me knows that these feelings are wrong. i know that i'm not a horrible monster, but i can't bring myself to believe it because the irrational/delusional side of me is telling me that it's just another lie i've made up. i'm really not sure how to get past this, i've been tearing myself apart these past few months over having such conflicting feelings about everything in my life. sorry if none of this makes sense, or if it seems ramble-y, i'm just not sure how to convey my feelings. TIA",8.623805774278217,7.107842417322836,8.646102362204727,70.77445538057745,61.834645669291326,11.616272965879268,38.09580052493438,10.504223727775694,3.9373343832020993,1050,43,190,20,12,344,146,254,0.177,0.705,0.11800000000000001,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,1,0,2,1,13,16,2,2,6,0,16,1,0,8,4,50,39,16,0,5,15,0,6,4,2,1,1,1,0,2,17,10,0,2,10,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,11,7,29,10,31,24,6,25,0,0,0,0,16,13,0,8,11,128,46,0,0.0,0.24980585176993805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284404142429692,0.2561884765934229,0.0,0.11053981762182363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852349784199096,0.0,0.0,0.2375396573375401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080815193916453,0.0,0.0,0.11823509370206882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894855501290861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198146244026083,0.07531054015161646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144557703201419,0.0,0.05507648081817205,0.0,0.059911399117271724,0.0,0.0843122926394553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065936935493351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586979773407928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744597519997144,0.206007365874612,0.0,0.0,0.09329148867464768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974892790224377,0.07036724004352304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414352999983836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415726933921773,0.20126655104277869,0.14616694136906458,0.09204680907841516,0.0,0.0,0.09965395163673617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506676081722074,0.0,0.1040874189121094,0.22635865992629284,0.0,0.0,0.10027652517938768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596846040390483,0.10997381862099072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800666343246465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020563580302176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871017070879246,0.0,0.0,0.08473088260257494,0.1842797120059458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146256536983104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104718409766176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367579036399556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525788099037465,0.2561884765934229,0.06788564549327929
bpd,goodboy3245,2019/03/22,"What's it like for a Bpd girl to be in a relationship with a Sociopath guy? I have read somewhere that the two generally find great comfort in each other's  company. Will you be kind enough to share your experience, if any, whether positive or negative, of being with a sociopath. Thanks in advance.",5.587500000000002,7.075185607142856,6.305714285714287,74.78928571428574,67.92857142857143,9.885714285714286,35.42857142857143,10.125756701596842,3.807407142857144,238,12,43,6,4,78,46,56,0.055999999999999994,0.622,0.322,0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,9,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,33,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325197720106804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579144511309908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936336512228245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779823285727919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597351461902057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133091812852475,0.0,0.28138263447051565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959294823310174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883587300158487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842566564037589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30510270376898885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616345361091682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27760232606692153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,linkopachinko,2019/03/22,"I really don’t know what to do, I’m struggling more than ever right now Three weeks ago, my FP/SO broke up with me and we kind of went on and off every few days giving each other affection and saying stuff like “i love you”. That shit confused me emotionally so much. Now today, she tells me she thinks she’s lesbian. I was holding on to the idea that we were going to get back together for good and now it’s impossible. I know that I can’t be angry or anything because she can’t control that aspect of herself, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been sexually and emotionally abused and she’s the only person to ever make me feel comfortable and like i am worth anything. I thought about killing myself every minute of every day after she broke it off, but I never did because I still felt validated by her. Now I am worried I won’t be able to talk myself down from that feeling anymore as I feel small and insignificant again. I feel so horrible and like I have no right to be upset over this at all but I just can’t seem to cope with the fact the only person to ever love me right doesn’t even love guys at all. Sorry if any of that was incoherent nonsense, I kind of just started going off. I really would appreciate some support or something to help me process the situation",4.527045300878972,5.093086049808432,5.814505296371426,80.72073022312374,69.727969348659,8.440027045300878,27.996619337390126,8.4952907291091,1.8755749830966868,1013,33,205,15,17,341,143,261,0.141,0.6990000000000001,0.16,0.7636,1,0,1,0,1,1,17.0,2,1,0,1,17,18,2,3,5,0,21,5,1,3,7,48,44,17,1,2,8,0,5,3,0,2,0,1,0,3,13,14,0,2,12,0,1,3,9,7,0,1,8,6,38,11,34,31,7,35,0,2,0,4,22,14,1,6,21,151,51,0,0.10411581277733216,0.12336021299744256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922923860384339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708023229719358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325490952165327,0.0,0.0,0.17135688534713311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005863334018609,0.0,0.12693606620205145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677473717703378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429217191018472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342325515384317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687675123998114,0.28253614019961143,0.2631661882292588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210576333081458,0.0,0.09996750780600404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439621495445601,0.09987737475167338,0.11834283150240975,0.087327404016347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309102371432552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978663463750391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175340796053204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518872079709637,0.2168411944693176,0.17165798351606187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259718109048998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819057579528116,0.0,0.06949811350140514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653710211029721,0.0,0.08030053335013937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836953451073854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818198235661137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339851140582518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667430056981168,0.0,0.08279707322326715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478312563602656,0.0,0.0,0.10687338563149884,0.0,0.11703053584327265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015343931437903,0.0,0.11654912831708293,0.07369370816494315,0.0,0.0831470225758556,0.0,0.0,0.10884445348141668,0.11918769614008025,0.0,0.11814939051151427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368434647352646,0.09100180945759792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671320881545262,0.0,0.08265632549605932,0.0,0.0,0.09868961657046227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835154248409616,0.0,0.0,0.09651640153627948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573466177720132,0.0,0.07396088616841366,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ffcurlich,2019/03/22,I'm really really struggling I don't know what else to say - I've tried everything and all I've got left is to lie down and rot.,-0.19287356321839155,1.6165446551724116,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,85.20689655172413,8.004597701149425,16.563218390804597,8.841846274778883,0.8185080459770115,101,2,25,3,3,36,22,29,0.128,0.872,0.0,-0.5222,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30594117198159004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291471375399221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929104595342455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012724042837065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979138692067797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692372338628621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29124365183530954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828668681133773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486485687097486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Struggle_Bus_19,2019/03/22,"Fuck it! Drinking alone in my room tonight. Haven't eaten in two days now. Can't sleep either. I'm so miserable. 

​

I don't know if I'm pushing him away or if he hasn't been there for a while now. It's driving me crazy!  ",-1.5373999999999979,0.3975007599999998,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,101.4,3.3000000000000003,18.25,5.148860815047168,-0.6987999999999999,178,6,43,1,8,58,40,50,0.254,0.746,0.0,-0.9118,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,5,10,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,0,4,0,4,8,1,11,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,3,5,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31855867363643525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33326128970941504,0.3737416708910651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28898022400320594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836275470146664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013099362280719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843514638082714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690371572788232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078007343101241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30045960389243004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737416708910651,0.0
bpd,whateven1212,2019/03/22,What does dissociation like ? What does it feel like ?  can anybody explain to me what dissociation is ? Is it zoning out ? I’ve always wanted to ask this ! I’ve zoned out before and out of no where even during driving . I’ll zone out while talking to somebody watching a YouTube video etc . I zone out at least a few times a day I don’t know if this is similar to dissociating or what. ,0.9001315789473701,3.4387045394736866,3.0555789473684243,86.69205263157896,89.13157894736841,5.145263157894737,22.07368421052632,6.742157984588678,0.6667726315789473,299,11,61,4,10,101,51,76,0.03,0.883,0.086,0.6189,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,10,4,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,11,10,3,11,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,2,5,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531193983851138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843866432018602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588524382988462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618432201282168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324162638930705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392642552857946,0.20092173065289654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381304267370652,0.21732108119367166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671807802106281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972342476604189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445050451187132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738190740661994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942548772701564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,The_Awsom1,2019/03/22,"Anyone here taken Buspar? Hi, I rarely post ever but I want to hear from you guys about this anxiety medication that I've been taking for the past 2 or 3 years, because maybe someone here takes it or has taken it and would be able to relate to me.

Well, before finding out about what bpd even was, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It took a long, long time for me to accept that medication would be good for me (probably due to my meta-anxieties about my anxiety and what type of weak person that would need them it would make me.) At first I was prescribed some benzo type meds, but all they did was make me feel slow anxiety if that makes sense lol. They didn't do much to soothe me at all and let's face it, the abuse potential for that shit is pretty high. Generalized anxiety is more of an all the time thing where benzos are more effective for more short term anxiety like people with panic disorders imo. Well after unsuccessful attempts with other medicine and buspar actually helping me feel some real inner peace for the first time ever, I felt ecstatic to finally find the ""cure"" for my constant state of this anxious tightness in my chest. I felt like I could finally breathe if that makes sense. My anxiety was so bad that I would shake so often that I chalked it up to me having a tremor, but when I stopped shaking as much with the medicine, I realized that my shaking had nothing to do with a tremor, and everything to do with anxiety. Another med that I started taking for the shakiness was metoprolol which was incredibably helpful in my waitoring days where holding plates and cups without shaking was a huge plus lmao. Lot less dropping shit that way

Anyway, if any of you guys have been on this particular med or have a similar experience of finding a really helpful medication, I'd really like to open the comments to some discussion. Medications arent exactly the easiest thing to discuss with people irl I know so maybe we could talk about them here and feel comfortable. I myself am struggling with feeling like I need it to function and wondering how or if I'll ever get off it because honestly the anxiety feels too crippling to deal with alone.

Thanks for being such a supportive community yall, I appreciate anyone who got through my whole life story without getting bored and clicking away lol. Peace",9.23568391365658,8.017661612756264,8.905453953791085,68.44855732725894,60.43507972665148,12.735481071699752,39.583577394511344,11.765960540728905,4.700549538995552,1884,82,330,48,21,608,230,439,0.157,0.6579999999999999,0.185,0.9687,1,1,0,0,1,0,34.0,1,3,4,4,24,24,2,7,18,2,36,12,5,6,7,84,65,27,0,14,13,0,8,4,0,5,7,1,0,3,29,22,0,3,15,0,0,5,4,12,2,2,19,10,41,12,58,35,15,48,0,0,1,0,22,16,2,15,27,238,70,3,0.06433204101611463,0.07622294895090055,0.06277879202324535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662859296425082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043747993930643735,0.06745775421938356,0.4921383529278811,0.072676894960754,0.0,0.08996491774584983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044207021593216,0.0,0.05371456709730728,0.07843243019001342,0.0,0.054741828626002735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810239536099387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952008196214794,0.0,0.1027278000110941,0.0,0.0,0.041488844398427635,0.06632350947717251,0.0,0.06529566745253138,0.0,0.0,0.1474601849422438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424907063612148,0.17457604253379436,0.0,0.0,0.05781749031133283,0.06292908046459822,0.0,0.0,0.16264106449650584,0.04595882295606187,0.12353769597339735,0.14094521281566247,0.176394960046616,0.1094416024485374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672216724476906,0.0,0.0,0.05395866379130427,0.051452210044376286,0.0,0.0,0.12739766975006794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250688573548747,0.0,0.12936123309563075,0.06797033340767103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03535520731423772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578387056810785,0.04543962309416122,0.12571754281426087,0.0,0.0,0.11386366377598092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469280073634338,0.0,0.0,0.17176854769896738,0.0,0.1292603640294068,0.0,0.21437518484519005,0.2592310529990382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458290457270843,0.09540278653023423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061728328399702874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547978901984162,0.0,0.0,0.06141221247205271,0.08919947416239221,0.05617225681277376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161231227480365,0.06544881349961394,0.06936082097500784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322394675250113,0.08242550558195888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207183125354247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054508329587590096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553454974640386,0.0,0.0,0.053784466887582566,0.0,0.06725381725366096,0.0,0.0,0.07300323777590971,0.0,0.0,0.14510906586848873,0.0517076577143501,0.0,0.059228300085342786,0.0,0.0,0.08547869897504955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253759138319804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147526465167149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03794470457701317,0.05106377974856255,0.0,0.0,0.11568446168204127,0.0,0.0,0.07182442636485956,0.0,0.12402758369059455,0.06976535426083565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284981808070985,0.0,0.0,0.041427725205561886
bpd,Koolaid67,2019/03/22,I wanna kill myself to stop the pain I’m obsessed with my ex. I can’t stop obsessing over him. It’s so fucking stupid. He’s not even technically my ex. We dated for a few months casually. He was never as into me as I was into him. It ended when I told him I wanted to date him. That was in fucking October. It’s been a year total since we started talking. Why the fuck can’t I move on? Why? It fucking follows me everywhere I go. It’s the only thing that matters to me. I’ve met lots of great guys but the only fucking person that matters is this one person who doesn’t want me. I feel like I’m broken. I don’t want my brain to work this way. I want to end this so I can stop feeling this way ,-1.483119429590019,0.5050791699346426,1.7758674985145575,94.71731283422459,97.16993464052288,4.089007724301842,17.412061794414736,5.852544927426893,-0.3523307189542484,535,16,123,5,22,190,87,153,0.156,0.738,0.106,-0.8573,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,2,0,0,1,4,13,7,2,6,0,10,7,1,0,2,22,28,6,1,5,2,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,14,5,0,3,2,1,0,3,6,10,0,1,6,2,25,3,16,22,3,22,0,0,0,5,17,5,5,1,13,82,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008366884230708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228636971400387,0.0,0.0,0.08288219652480308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268987957602612,0.08964709044634596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5800480639967797,0.0,0.0,0.07131647979977884,0.0,0.0,0.1383485527096578,0.0,0.12425068450574485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388314606909032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130603008554584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066835514708988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016157936437832,0.13337156100315115,0.0,0.0,0.09678239555152217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503243502393128,0.19087523199249268,0.13352575328252936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191387447796205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380316190346613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888195048740058,0.0,0.0,0.31473527763902315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086074380796642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336719878115942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199070726547861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960591367996912,0.1992095962086812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22646285775526265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135516696949683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080874986811472
bpd,flora_bazilik,2019/03/22,"I feel like I am making everything up 
Hello everyone! First of all I am new here, just discovered this subreddit, and English is not my first language so be indulgent.  

I have to say I am not diagnosed with bpd and I don’t pretend to have bpd.  I don’t try to autodiag myself. What I can say is that since I found out about it I felt like it described me and how I was feeling really well. Please don’t say to me I am making everything up for attention. I already feel that way by myself, I don’t know why I feel this but I cannot stop thinking about how, since I found about bpd, I could be trying to make everything up to match the symptoms for attention and I don’t really suffer. Does anyone also feel like at the beginning they thought of them self as imposters? 

Something else that contributes to the fact of me feeling like I could not feel those things if I really wanted to is that sometimes I feel nothing. 

Sometimes, like this evening, I feel really disconnected from my emotions, like blanc. And I HATE it so much. This is the worst feeling in the world. When I am like that I don’t care anymore about my boyfriend that I love so much and that is usually the center and literal obsession of my life. Like he says anything and I can’t bring myself to feel a thing. Even when he says things or act in a way that would usually hurt me. For exemple tonight I felt like he didn’t care at all about something I was saying. And usually I just feel really rejected and it shows and so he needs to réassure that he loves me and that he care about me. But when I feel disconnected, I just feel nothing. 

Does anybody relate somehow with anything I have said? Do you ever feel disconnected like me even over things that would trigger you usually? 

And I want to précise again that I post here even if I don’t have bpd because I feel really associated with everything I hear on bpd and what I read on this subreddit. I found something that makes sense and that would make me understand how I am feeling. But I am not trying to make it like I auto diagnostic myself. I don’t want to identify myself with bpd since I am not diagnosed. I just feel like I relate with everything I sea on here. Sorry for over justifying myself I know it’s annoyingly but I am really insecure.  ",3.361802798373596,5.101504590707965,4.733616359722556,82.88332815116003,73.88938053097345,8.603300645778523,27.260464003826836,9.21561531244674,2.3196088734752456,1793,68,359,42,37,596,164,452,0.078,0.758,0.163,0.9854,0,1,3,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,2,2,32,26,2,2,8,0,40,6,0,10,4,92,88,34,0,11,16,0,20,12,0,3,4,8,0,1,32,21,0,1,30,3,0,2,16,8,1,2,10,28,73,18,48,71,5,35,0,3,0,2,22,15,0,4,27,261,105,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524839863786777,0.04003727126432917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965141015012781,0.03500688211652095,0.0,0.08239909400758054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03051939474374409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783336078603949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313499377373915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994627406289838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163062627090616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762511371480587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041823205928744986,0.056316820869940026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132270861656259,0.045287008124758416,0.0,0.047839622029026266,0.22497770445583384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455662144161307,0.14306688764898098,0.09614124412594878,0.0,0.0,0.08517118386929969,0.0,0.16468233552033135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049429203813845815,0.0,0.0,0.05642732890055591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359603141517752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055029253876543414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03536266288977572,0.2935130256247376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037193147613272,0.0,0.20051420435721384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360763892362245,0.037122849498804636,0.0,0.04835346197917016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607817667961913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054956759705704766,0.0,0.0,0.04794880063856504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007893461493095,0.0,0.22451217882703706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762364714416985,0.23888402755182306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222911667245885,0.0,0.0,0.12424381450400016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562834083469035,0.09903189426138774,0.056044100948999635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041856904651488634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052037105966607496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330448718664528,0.032079877931930456,0.0,0.039746324293148214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197333257579297,0.0,0.0,0.05211983269570029,0.0,0.0,0.2205597989050649,0.0,0.08858958580896317,0.07947914644380949,0.0,0.0,0.04501479481431775,0.0,0.04517622388220511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669504175328504,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notclearheaded,2019/03/22,"""Your emotions are valid, but only if they're correct."" Anyone feel this? I've been told numerous times that I have a right to my own emotions, to feel the feelings that I do.

But when people leave me for reasons based on my emotions, is it really right to tell me all my emotions are valid? Or rather, does it _send the right message?_

Part of personality involves emotions and how we deal with them. Maybe it's not a matter of what we feel, but our ability to handle them. Our emotions may be strong, but we just have to be stronger.

It's definitely going to be a long journey, that's for sure.",2.4543143297380574,4.5618297627118665,3.4936363636363663,89.12139445300464,77.64406779661016,5.985824345146379,25.134052388289675,6.980632752743323,0.9744474576271184,464,17,95,5,11,149,75,118,0.02,0.833,0.147,0.9547,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,5,1,2,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,11,0,0,2,3,25,17,9,0,2,9,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,4,15,2,12,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,3,3,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409913267943615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239983265264282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525353328844964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8117596605137168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432587778423859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835509987380077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735394368520225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643966122788644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083248422914025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147461836949916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302461912419773,0.0,0.08338359663386694,0.10501956089030597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705129625849673,0.12366281433292313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081427842084598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335783978397974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512572151941506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701333665484758,0.0,0.0,0.11492799350029625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,keepYourMindStraight,2019/03/22,"Going through a very lonely and painful time and crying every few minutes. Has to do with my current relationship but I can’t talk to my boyfriend at all so I figured this would be the best place to come. First post here, might be long but I do really appreciate it if anyone takes the time to read it through. 

My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year and we have reached the point where my habits and ways of communicating have frustrated him enough to stop contact with me for 2 weeks. I felt like it was the end and always have that impending sense of doom I will lose the love of my life and I didn’t expect it to happen today but there were many events leading up to this. 

I don’t have much of a social circle outside of my relationship these days and find it hard to make new friends in general. I hope to see a therapist soon. He was showing signs of depression (not eating) and I didn’t show the sympathy he needed at a certain point in time and I feel like it was my fault for his depression because he said he didn’t feel like I cared about him when he told me that he was depressed. I have trouble remembering sometimes why I did something that hurt him but couldn’t help but feel that it was all my fault.

We had many arguments the weeks before and we spent some time apart but still contacted each other but this time he won’t talk to me or else its done for. I am trying to get through this confusion and I love him very much but no matter how much I think I am trying to show it, it never seems to come out the right way. I know I already had problems with communication and have gotten better but my friendships have withered away into nothingness and I no longer contact anyone from my past and my only support was my boyfriend but I already hurt him too much. 

I don’t want to keep trying to contact him even though all I want to say is I love you but I guess this is what I should expect with my attachment style. I haven’t experienced a love like this in my entire life even though I’m on 20 years old and he’s 12 years older but I’m hurting inside and just wanna hear anybody’s thoughts on how people cope with not being able to express their deep feelings to someone they love. 

p.s. I have not been diagnosed with BPD but I believe I have most of the symptoms and deal with the fear of abandonment almost daily its overwhelming. So I’m not saying I have it just want advice thanks! ",4.468977118119981,5.269998820408162,4.914786641929499,86.27276747062461,69.9795918367347,7.816944959802103,27.09338280766852,7.898369717300924,1.4280340136054417,1922,60,401,23,33,611,238,490,0.151,0.677,0.172,0.9195,1,2,1,0,0,0,22.0,3,1,2,5,18,36,1,3,17,0,47,11,0,4,5,99,87,40,0,13,21,0,6,4,1,5,5,4,0,0,25,33,1,3,12,4,1,4,17,19,0,1,22,12,62,17,54,56,13,54,1,11,1,5,44,20,0,10,31,277,87,2,0.07378631333500267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210313142026584,0.0,0.0,0.07388633439412662,0.0,0.16285006315617787,0.0,0.061396123593043216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318621180214403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932467027514118,0.0,0.0,0.0449794517492178,0.0,0.0627867180293172,0.08313190766777298,0.07743418359131217,0.06525799796365835,0.0,0.0,0.09293127863308592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523006404503446,0.0,0.0,0.1271207509028379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105080046014884,0.04758606791167595,0.07607044910224167,0.1906561306658812,0.07489155484533389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550901660251788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550181931502596,0.061638996738465575,0.0,0.0653527726767108,0.07624098599989695,0.0,0.09747032812494906,0.0,0.06216815136233893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303011631807168,0.14923430821131875,0.10542591397945687,0.07084643204071568,0.0,0.06743935363641791,0.06276260042899763,0.0,0.0,0.057007122647758986,0.0,0.038550303299764485,0.0,0.041934462274540105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128394288102636,0.0,0.06524899319910092,0.0,0.0660980436392078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831625377544571,0.0,0.0494574104797202,0.0,0.0,0.07328645801910418,0.0,0.0,0.2369693235298539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655846655684587,0.0,0.0,0.04055102813011729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423491045808267,0.1441930624193324,0.07395327032170974,0.0,0.06529856538160665,0.0,0.08254801081387074,0.0,0.0,0.332975142974252,0.0,0.04925293711122733,0.14961548100374158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827561809403003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169657210530088,0.05471161639492305,0.056908553625883124,0.07126328121056652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774263236511909,0.0,0.0,0.05611781622988979,0.07851383971034337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043738517364262,0.051154139103212114,0.0,0.07709099281883201,0.0,0.13950383189147794,0.0,0.07066689175404718,0.0,0.0,0.0706035368023157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380628095929867,0.0,0.047269401728937635,0.0,0.0,0.15843777352978033,0.08358550922640921,0.06301310842652573,0.07018768087732309,0.11735567585951268,0.0,0.0,0.058798138581805326,0.06717228844006519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521585431548856,0.06251890384311065,0.056804308878396666,0.07297655059946427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058925845142999686,0.061688661880464124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373183396518809,0.0,0.07669223182985092,0.05547812480792594,0.11861328736560375,0.0,0.06793252381502964,0.0,0.08567159686154156,0.0,0.04727929022431998,0.14498935643612967,0.05857809077681275,0.2151269633972682,0.0,0.06994079743442014,0.0705059844345859,0.0,0.15028818988096115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176287205848445,0.1305632380273282,0.1171362821102846,0.1183738596710585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658067105796807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052415679960433316,0.0,0.0,0.1425478998252959
bpd,allmixedup6789,2019/03/22,"I can only try to explain the suffering and confusion I deal with as a B.P.D male Having B.P.D is extremely rough . It so hard to work toward goals when your thoughts and feeling are always changing. I dream of a life of constancy. In moments of interim clarity like now with my emotions in check. I can try to reflect and plan on trying to deal with my BPD in better ways. I have been able to be self aware for times. I have chosen to reach out to this community for support . I truly need people that might understand even 1/10 more of what I am dealing with in comparison to the general public. I really want to try to get better. I was doing really good for a while when my stress levels were low. I made progress with relationships , had a long term girlfriend that I loved and thought I would marry and grow old with... mended old wounds with my family by finally being able to forgive them for the abuse I experienced in my childhood that they had a part in. Oh how I was so hopefully... but the good times never seem to last. 

 The stress and pressure( societal pressure ) of being a guy with no career in my late 20's has been very debilitating  to my mental heath. My BPD is off the chain when I am stressed... my emotions are all over the place.I wish I could stop being so impulsive.. Gosh I am so impulsive and cause self destructive behavior trying to cope in my whirlwind of emotions.  Also,I burn bridges regularly based off of paranoid thoughts ultimately rooted in some sort of perceived rejection. (because I am not going to be the one that will be at the receiving end of the rejection)for I have nearly lost all my friends in the last 2 years.  The only people I talk to are the girls that loved me when I was  doing alright . I think they hope I can become that person again that I once was and put up with me being a shitty friend at times ,but honestly even they are growing tired of me. ( side note I can not date at this point in my life... girls are very mean to an unemployed guy in college at my age).The true and utter madness of this illness is the one thing I don't want the most( to be alone )is exactly what my actions from my periods impulsiveness are doing... 

  I am about to be 28 years old. I have had careers in 3 different area's and back in college unemployed and living off loans. I have been seeking employment for years now. I would say I am pretty smart and make it to the final interview ,but never get hired. Every job I apply for I get my hope's up that this will be my chance. I do not take the rejection of any job well. I take it so personal I feel the abandonment like a knife in my heart. I fear that no one wants me and I will end up alone in life . If I didn't have the lady in my career center at my college that truly believes in me and my skills pushing me I would of given up complexly. She does not know of how this support means the world to me. My employment and past education I feel had completely fucked me . I am trying to get my foot in the door at any corporation really ,but have  not had any luck. I am pretty hopeless at this point. I wish someone would give me a chance. I truly believe I could work for a company and stay there if I could just get hired.  I know how to at least collect a paycheck and that be my motivating factor for staying at a job even though I struggle with my identity and my interests. 

​

Well, I am trying to start my own business and this is probably my last hope in life for being successful. I have so many dreams and aspirations. I need a career or job to reach them. I want more than anything for a family with a wife and kids. I want to be a father. I want to be a good friend. I want to make my family proud of me. 

​

I have have won little battles over the years. I was able to stop cutting and haven't for 8 years now. I have been able to get off of drugs and psychiatric  drugs for periods of years.  I have had some  great luck with counseling in the past ,but I don't live in the area anymore.  In the mental health community I know BPD is truly stigmatized and considered difficult to deal with so I almost know better than to tell them.  Again going back to my ultimate fear of rejection bailed on my last attempt at filling out the medical history form. I know I could use help and talking about my struggles and being constant with DBT and chain analysis. I just don't know where to turn. 

I really want to try to be more constant with my thoughts and and make my dreams come true. I want to be the person I have always wanted to be. But, I know this moment of self reflection ,self awareness and clarity won't last unfortunately. 

I know my fucked up way of thinking and acting all ties back to the trauma from my childhood.I hated my parents for what they allowed happen to me. It amazing how forgiveness can change everything.I know I will never be able to live in the days when I was innocent and I thought the world was full of good people. I miss that smile I used to wear on my face. I am hopeful and I will keep on working towards my happiness. I won't give up on my life because of this horrible illness that causes me so much agony and confusion. I have overcome too much. Maybe I will not ever figure out who I really am( it changes all the time) the most I can hope for at this point is to  have the identity of someone with a purpose in this world. ( at least that is what I strive for) 

​

Anyways thanks for reading this if you did. If you can send any advice or hope my way it would be greatly appreciated. 

​

​",3.1143966362175064,4.861162275924261,4.3799062022190025,85.13094606382566,74.57258791704238,7.7072215470263075,26.03090328145215,8.456263369488248,1.7484310502999183,4360,155,882,80,92,1435,397,1109,0.12300000000000001,0.6940000000000001,0.183,0.9966,13,2,2,0,1,1,128.0,0,3,7,16,41,72,7,11,52,1,115,21,4,15,11,176,195,66,0,34,20,3,5,2,4,14,13,1,1,14,38,54,0,4,31,4,2,12,18,29,2,3,29,7,149,43,166,128,20,149,0,9,0,4,54,75,2,25,59,638,187,25,0.18201024485125056,0.04313047552264858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03557166095224591,0.0,0.0,0.036451393778626086,0.07540308889923063,0.0,0.029110705409810964,0.06057884170118245,0.19720802425325287,0.2211623695083305,0.09901856631687382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036101051056139866,0.0,0.0,0.02995578464693088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397278608121031,0.0,0.04438070236132279,0.040203203123903186,0.0,0.08202528726901526,0.0,0.09658396239916246,0.0,0.0,0.13754131909168502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478986339665612,0.11552562321324425,0.031357141930174894,0.03816685576734311,0.07867536574404656,0.0,0.11625629616424557,0.0,0.0,0.02347631011943704,0.15011565631888574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803239339273354,0.0,0.0,0.031855678362944985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442963983964563,0.0,0.0,0.12284221652906792,0.06448282137415623,0.0,0.0,0.0721296300868495,0.0329277373502254,0.030670296264933998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294983620927443,0.0819248509271221,0.05521790915564815,0.0,0.0,0.07975333065762479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437239820568554,0.0673062153963876,0.11411140888674705,0.06984032472581342,0.041376246630681714,0.12212924637092132,0.0,0.08026677500044553,0.0,0.07208750320506795,0.03219021168477928,0.038750658022181375,0.032609085786249284,0.035939487018646084,0.0,0.0386936758188244,0.0,0.043136603298778636,0.02439952610249857,0.0,0.0,0.25308813778089245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449366669868932,0.03235581369787681,0.0,0.0,0.18005052706402697,0.14836264213754596,0.04106309680009058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855921862086014,0.035568404776695164,0.0364844162295878,0.09643102847155237,0.032214667832993954,0.0,0.0,0.039737136570419586,0.0,0.0657085408530626,0.034444498900372815,0.0728959510625541,0.03690596412832372,0.03657075095854782,0.07930500590987058,0.0,0.03667123464774232,0.07336940701744024,0.03861682138933732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351938893314112,0.05398331612550555,0.08422651284297669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145934807316112,0.038766994118959,0.0740009114240207,0.055370797162049866,0.0,0.0,0.04042016748940802,0.0394198716810048,0.06949974943960154,0.07570979193167379,0.09535459520501713,0.03803239339273354,0.0,0.10323510737679277,0.0,0.0,0.07406794115115749,0.039247565627779896,0.0,0.0,0.03659411352849189,0.0,0.0,0.03641189988168056,0.0,0.11660042349039194,0.0,0.0,0.039082177507522235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02894837041240437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313905821717024,0.15190110427142975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168667592675815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02576555762146084,0.07759948151110732,0.0,0.060867485829966074,0.12509527231720882,0.07611065063179859,0.0,0.0,0.08261722757528572,0.0,0.0,0.05473962106947417,0.058517176154358676,0.031816995285254786,0.03351411592228591,0.0,0.0,0.024183903828137468,0.04664992625964217,0.035764828289973065,0.14449580367025505,0.08490530996830459,0.04183880033357327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977168140603934,0.039594976168129715,0.0,0.03789581676523845,0.0,0.0628793651919222,0.0,0.06007100546286006,0.21470871627220908,0.08668275629002445,0.0,0.0,0.06545962746917719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837211196397807,0.0,0.0,0.07950337558995857,0.0,0.0,0.12929485581328792,0.0,0.2211623695083305,0.14065035629270714
bpd,blabby99,2019/03/22,"My fiance is out of town for the weekend and I've done nothing but cry since he left (feat. my sad cries for attention) So a few months before my now fiance and I got engaged, i picked up everything and moved 4 hours from home so that he can finish school. He has a job but he doesn't get paid much (maybe $400/month on a good month) so I've been working full time with as much overtime as I can which i dont mind at all but I never really realized that I dont know anyone here but my fiance and work ""friends"". Now he's out of town for the weekend at some smart people philosophy conference and I'm so lonely. I guess I haven't really been alone for more than a few hours since October. I know its dumb but I've been crying a lot all day because I feel abandoned even though I know I haven't been abandoned and he'll be home Sunday. I know I'm being dramatic but I literally can't stop. What do I do like how do I make it stop? ",1.4391962725684344,2.841711178217821,3.355998835177637,92.16550087361679,78.30693069306929,6.733139196272568,20.793244030285386,7.510576382923642,0.4572244612696559,726,18,171,10,17,245,114,202,0.141,0.738,0.121,-0.7934,1,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,1,0,7,0,20,0,0,3,3,36,33,20,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,4,7,2,1,1,7,5,0,0,7,1,20,5,17,23,10,26,0,4,0,0,7,10,1,3,16,103,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711697878321712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581952605894755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481843095298056,0.0,0.10443888364473944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044576011100607,0.07915425372954854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560104503944275,0.2876902197517556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106565032673704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030676714346843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062058764338532336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482515468240724,0.0,0.06412424103635381,0.0,0.0,0.1029447271085277,0.09816280370906,0.0,0.13520700745615127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246227458228812,0.0,0.24173951881892125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217960605605505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26980891764900755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335249652117998,0.0,0.0,0.05996237317803262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043453460667666,0.0,0.0,0.08192690953712968,0.0,0.12330432191966803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239278825170056,0.0,0.29389895210474604,0.13044842898893266,0.1804494517882877,0.0,0.09466119582407254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776803715063587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508935248459082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725502788089113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421489404654312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305617318329272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522477309054946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058702064573633,0.0,0.07156806599957187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870583386080222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,washingmachineblues,2019/03/22,"how to discuss HPD with a friend? (I realize this is a BPD sub, see post for more info) Hi Reddit,

I'm not a mental health professional but I am highly educated in medicine and I am a concerned friend. I also realize HPD and BPD are not the same disorder but my understanding is that they are clustered/grouped together and can sometimes co-occur. Also, the HPD sub won't let me post in there for some reason. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place but I'm generally looking for some advice about next steps as I'm not sure what to do. 

My google searching has led me to believe my friend, A, has HPD and does not know it. What I have read is strikingly similar and is starting to make a lot of sense with what I have seen. So I'm looking for some guidance. A is not happy and anyone close enough can see it. If a friend and I were to try to have a discussion with A from a place of genuine caring and concern, would it be wise to bring HPD up in that conversation? Or is it something people need to figure out themselves? Is it worth having a discussion at all? Even if it's not HPD, A has diagnosed anxiety and depression but I'm concerned there's something deeper at play here based on the repetitive behaviors and frequent life crises/emotional upheaval/drama etc. I'm concerned any attempts at talking rationally about things will be seen as an attack and do more harm than good. Any thoughts about what to do/say? Thank you",3.738535885167465,5.248990108771935,4.822974481658694,83.55771531100478,72.47368421052632,7.9888357256778315,28.393141945773525,8.575989854853784,2.069701754385965,1131,44,225,20,22,371,152,285,0.102,0.765,0.133,0.8824,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,1,11,15,1,0,18,0,30,3,0,4,2,51,52,25,0,5,14,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,0,15,16,0,0,8,2,1,3,7,4,0,0,4,6,14,11,35,42,10,23,0,1,6,0,12,14,0,8,4,155,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519311622456087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854069682903488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032786933173654,0.0,0.09017955619456257,0.0,0.0,0.08242597134661803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410801435885236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328128655900744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969369948187653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018875380889613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015317614557262,0.11964794609616435,0.0,0.0,0.13510320782099625,0.0,0.10315950286946793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326016023908508,0.0,0.12180381889617616,0.13146980770554306,0.07786007774544132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643019644467412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887399192934876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548778813898814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530326041668569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454901075345486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478497125445397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054253071923968,0.08326368022124345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979827081126476,0.0,0.0,0.10021922632320958,0.0,0.0,0.07868728025118663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879752594675355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740815359986656,0.0,0.0,0.1253690512782484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172467096799971,0.0,0.24632360677612755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257971135152234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791409517420015,0.0,0.0,0.12120252927816527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374465257341867,0.0,0.0,0.187873693639276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150294517849047,0.11658850467774375,0.13195946567286887,0.08343762405877103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110257331147876,0.0,0.0,0.0947492427037842,0.0,0.10853008679527344,0.0,0.0,0.07831569203861853,0.0,0.0,0.0935852949261741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800342721281152,0.0,0.0,0.1227195218947784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374012882295591,0.1288856743143262,0.0,0.0
bpd,knownpinballwizard,2019/03/22,"person constantly triggering my anger, looking for advice so, almost about two years ago now i got into a massive argument with this person that was totally my own fault; she cut me off and i was so devastated to the point where i never really recovered and the guilt and anger from it didn’t disappate over time. i’ve been stuck with it for these past few years, ruminating about it almost every day. she told me she forgave me at the time, but i don’t think she meant it.
fast forward to this year; about two weeks ago she joined a group that i moderate because our mutual friend is also in it. i genuinely never expected to see her again let alone have her be this close and it’s tearing me up inside. i don’t want to be this way at all, especially since i’m the one at fault here, but her presence is triggering my anger to no end. i’ve felt the need to go completely silent and be a non-presence in the group, as well as to start talking whenever she’s around to show who’s in charge/that i won’t be intimidated by her being there (which i understand is insanely childish and most likely me projecting onto her, and i haven’t done this bc i’ve stayed silent, but i feel the urge to do so very strongly). we haven’t spoken directly since two years ago, and i don’t want to confront her on this and risk making things worse.
i can’t shake the feeling that she hates my guts and i think that’s part of what’s making it so bad. i don’t want to kick her out or mistreat her since i’m trying to be a responsible moderator and not a horrible person, but it’s impacting me so much.
i don’t worry about actually lashing out; i swore i would never hurt anyone again and i don’t plan on going back on that, ever, but the rage i feel near her is so all-consuming, it’s torture. 
i feel i’m a terrible person. maybe that’s the point, and i should feel like this as karma or something. but i don’t want to risk putting anyone in danger, or to hurt anyone by not being there at a time i should be. if i could just have the guilt and still be able to function that would be fine but all things are connected...
any advice at all on this would be appreciated... i’m struggling a lot with this",4.53410357934748,4.7213703348115335,5.68380345264492,83.00110587583151,69.59866962305986,9.192302819132088,26.971887868229327,9.140100540675403,1.8746109597719351,1715,49,370,31,28,573,204,451,0.192,0.732,0.076,-0.9956,0,1,1,0,0,0,44.0,2,0,0,2,24,27,9,6,19,0,42,1,1,4,8,75,72,35,0,13,14,0,6,2,1,6,0,0,0,4,31,23,0,0,10,1,0,5,18,21,1,4,10,8,53,6,53,43,10,59,1,2,2,0,28,27,0,8,29,262,84,1,0.08724931837815683,0.0,0.08514274887159548,0.0,0.0,0.1705180482669423,0.2320237692588105,0.0,0.1747351784355924,0.09036398082209704,0.0,0.0697732483847015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933252840375897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830202561731131,0.0,0.0,0.07767039128624527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708934025378696,0.07284953643929762,0.05318637466442955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147925033174938,0.09428551727857708,0.0,0.06966148118330676,0.0,0.0,0.05626859239789199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928634501717747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727699911334028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789220035907886,0.07351131376584254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205793846034424,0.062330930482593375,0.08377302816326741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740860694767192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917159659127517,0.0,0.06978125028393065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614063861625372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680439971428225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921833936384177,0.0,0.08525121965253231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326745313530797,0.0,0.0,0.0741762504199578,0.0,0.0,0.11647919503896036,0.0,0.08765366741631246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641382880431847,0.06469426404530437,0.20187615924929345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912239616314656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448250941953626,0.08328934685810707,0.0,0.30473095777885434,0.0,0.0,0.16495761467863534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877096633934853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589414749952865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952641054006027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652061331596925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716878790353255,0.0,0.0,0.06175551661783659,0.09299616449991248,0.06967741836133517,0.0,0.0,0.09121193142684836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012769716692198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592914049713693,0.11181168048731112,0.0,0.0,0.15262733756020633,0.0,0.0,0.08337046269772587,0.0,0.05923655998309445,0.0,0.2556897187009607,0.09082961744413763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198982514979382,0.20584763412531173,0.06925444780709511,0.06998614040520193,0.0,0.07844761544386411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860591799571747,0.08891450934514412,0.1859382374118145,0.0,0.0,0.22474280181705727
bpd,up2something2,2019/03/22,"How to set boundaries about impulsivity? I am trying to establish clearer boundaries. Somebody in my life has BPD.

When a conversation devolves into rage, name calling, yelling etc. and it cant turn back I calmly say “I need to continue this conversation at another time once things have cooled off”.

But what is the best way to handle impulsivity? I’m not talking about impulsive behaviors like shopping, etc but those split second reaction times where she responds to something I say before there is really enough time to even think about it. Maybe she is angry but still respectful. However, the assumptions she makes in that split second are often inaccurate, so communication doesn’t really work out.

Sometimes it is effective when I clarify, but often the anger stays even if I do, which can be super frustrating. I want to be compassionate and do the right thing, however I don’t really like continuing a conversation when she is obviously still angry about something I already addressed. Even if she is respectfully angry, there is nothing at all I can do to address it. I do however validate that the anger is there. Would it be a good idea to pause this kind of conversation as well?",6.545518867924532,8.619669259433964,7.166179245283022,67.2843632075472,66.31132075471697,10.960377358490566,34.00471698113208,10.9516,4.410541509433963,961,44,153,30,16,316,125,212,0.126,0.708,0.166,0.8229,3,0,2,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,22,16,4,0,8,1,25,1,0,3,2,24,31,14,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,14,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,4,1,2,0,4,17,12,22,27,5,23,0,0,0,0,16,9,0,4,13,120,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568381100071904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793327735552572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848078235239464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004754991905987,0.0,0.1480533512801097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768363534367662,0.0,0.14405708683181942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577196993203798,0.3146799998472771,0.2795433759352579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833008775259404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592606365696443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691171608129175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964803074021653,0.1378478156055577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941711019798733,0.0,0.14173247763964172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460803982866512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536878052815893,0.0,0.0,0.150244170084159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711358090599236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048040599695513,0.0,0.22438282806009355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172184920547336,0.1395304034990226,0.0,0.0,0.15037108194178495,0.2253312024694142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133936840705493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874527877453708,0.09039750971999476,0.0,0.0,0.2467923059648752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578315044569112,0.15345307184838933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321184971722398,0.11198167475007606,0.0,0.0,0.12684665946688614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270694573970808,0.0,0.0,0.10021823331573833,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ma-nishma,2018/11/28,"Sometimes I dissociate on purpose. When I feel shitty, I just kinda... start thinking about dissociating. and it works. If my mind doesn’t do it itself, I help it. I have no other way that isn’t damaging to actually cope. To make it last, I even put myself in surrealistic situations, such as sitting in a park at 2am. And tbh, It beats falling into painful depression and feeling physical pain from my stress. ",3.766363636363636,6.097911090909093,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545458,74.45454545454545,8.555844155844158,30.48051948051948,9.23628265651192,3.080563636363637,322,15,57,8,7,112,62,77,0.27699999999999997,0.674,0.05,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,12,9,6,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,2,9,0,10,9,0,12,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,2,3,41,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.23740141329917602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095324947055517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068091495767542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460144091823633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306217738656906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830168314043806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623880241634098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456385099156125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177237357947936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445586773456287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27345141508035203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24060530309788866,0.0,0.17219137411460966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786708151505319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588086667882414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310045781412774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710717657412905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lotusflower-,2018/11/28,"Maniac on Netflix Has anyone seen ‘Maniac’ on Netflix? And if so, what did you of Emma Stone’s Annie and her representation of BPD? ",4.225200000000001,6.0571997200000025,7.221,65.55550000000002,71.8,9.8,24.5,10.125756701596842,2.8698,103,3,17,3,2,38,20,25,0.131,0.8690000000000001,0.0,-0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853885427892346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8742985545732894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hollyfrancesca,2018/11/28,"I think being in a relationship is making me crazy Either that or i forgot to take my meds and I’m spiralling. Boy hasn’t text me back so now I’m like what if he’s gonna dump me what if he never texts me back again what if he’s bored of me. I feel like I can’t express to him that I need him to text me back because it’ll make me sound needy and “psycho”. 


He’s all I talk about at work cus I’ve never been in a relationship before so it’s exciting for me and idk I’m just happy but like TOO happy and I like to see him every other day or so but I kinda think I might be going a little bit insane because I can’t think about anything else. And I know he doesn’t think about me the same way. So it hurts. 

Does anyone feel the same way? Like they can’t control their crazy when a boy is involved?",-1.1419242424242455,0.8031271611111137,1.4986868686868708,98.89045454545456,91.27777777777777,3.9393939393939386,13.737373737373733,5.238671369647483,-1.2434444444444446,619,10,153,3,22,212,94,180,0.106,0.757,0.13699999999999998,0.8203,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,2,15,11,1,0,6,0,12,0,0,3,3,33,30,17,0,4,9,0,2,5,0,3,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,4,26,8,12,23,5,16,0,1,1,0,17,4,0,7,14,94,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725258819414764,0.0,0.11445642503118313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208470420002283,0.0,0.16957180699890062,0.0,0.11835245670760007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184654962866956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599745436739632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969935392660293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171562539055228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618901133807967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718646353305433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406527332231449,0.09936349845748203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904612291705683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961205548177308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889508739200089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643836072109103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397534485229785,0.13940131764888142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568277782752812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449386340936816,0.0,0.0,0.14754890831224216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031309553042642,0.21454432850446328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986539242866011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083401664252047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457581747596707,0.11179254465354324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564843218482679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080094632233235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125670500917644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hypnoticpeanut,2018/11/28,"Found someone I actually like (help) Hey everyone! id really appreciate any insights or wisdom to why I feel this way! I'll try my best to keep this as short as possible

​

 To summarise I went on a date with this guy on Monday & had the most wonderful time. I ended up staying at his place til this afternoon. A good few cute/romantic moments but nothing too intense for OTT for me anyway.  normally never find myself really attracted to someone/able to click with someone so well if I'm honest. I'm kinda sure he likes me too but who knows? He did talk about seeing each other again, but I know not to be naive and emotionally invest.

​

So here's the thing- Since I've got home I've had the most overwhelming feeling of anxiety,like a knot in my stomach and it's weirding me out, like genuine pangs of dread or something and I'm not really sure why? Can anyone else relate? (Ps for the record I didn't tell him about my disorder so I know it's not the usual regret about revealing too much too soon) thanks for reading!! ",2.8996448645886588,5.075305014563111,4.3908482370976,82.89336995401123,76.5242718446602,7.637812979049567,25.890648952478283,8.532816995589336,1.9942563106796125,827,31,157,17,19,275,134,206,0.04,0.7340000000000001,0.225,0.9897,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,15,16,0,2,8,0,6,1,1,0,3,35,21,15,0,3,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,7,0,1,10,1,1,1,5,4,1,0,7,4,16,12,26,13,6,22,0,2,2,0,10,8,0,7,14,96,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.1127637416746955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756071546726064,0.28082078521307235,0.07858047801484656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079783329314373,0.11839842041564867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126647829650294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324345504766405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965302882206921,0.12998235858605128,0.10234627940606074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041651160598746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685484471119255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561398770914936,0.0,0.0,0.12669866692124662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969209605470175,0.09241884934466264,0.0,0.0,0.11441632961283753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745320885920888,0.0,0.11590978204948875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270943729086107,0.0,0.0,0.19051587340013507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936110187460646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494526474904217,0.0,0.08912213654348912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132180909199025,0.11087689095861372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072902139526953,0.0,0.0,0.13026943367460744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155849697510154,0.0,0.2220799760389296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920813375374084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558721414249098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958165488261787,0.08895888314786593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316486852239812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781598809702016,0.0,0.0,0.0928776863840511,0.10099902640522808,0.10638632116689904,0.0,0.0,0.07676874322735065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738029130776384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845337666634461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726607445204693,0.0,0.0,0.09172114790562334,0.0,0.0,0.10389665309313124,0.10711943691451953,0.20853848074207787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531305767717768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28082078521307235,0.0
bpd,kimzessin,2018/11/28,"Do you know what childhood trauma caused your bpd? Is there anyone who found out very late what is was that traumatised them? Started psychoanalytic therapy a few months ago and I don’t know why but I’m so scared to talk and think about my childhood. It’s like i talk about my childhood memories and i detach myself from my own being completely. I talk but it’s like an automated non-emotional process. And it’s very shallow, don’t remember much about my childhood at all. ",2.0815567765567766,4.915414362637363,3.1872802197802206,85.71813644688648,86.69230769230771,6.54981684981685,24.06684981684981,7.793537801064563,1.6446915750915747,381,15,72,8,12,122,61,91,0.106,0.8220000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.4717,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,13,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,12,2,7,10,4,10,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,10,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740039037797218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372542095433489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24722700771484055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164930353726832,0.0,0.0,0.20581184492539706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080574633209252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152276202182195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575748212722765,0.0,0.22142960274993398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179989708265474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668100337696886,0.0,0.14429960176382156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223642635538776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652579875703785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893879500919726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473324082191932,0.0,0.0,0.22448073655419395,0.0,0.0,0.12577807624050769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239282936011021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771259399356544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gemma5,2018/11/28,"My heads tilted as far back as I can hold it as I gasp for air above the water. Im spluttering. Im drowning. All from the comfort of my safe and cosy bedroom. I have struggled my entire life and felt like I was physically drowning. I've struggled with schoolwork, work life, relationships, drink and drugs and self harm being a big one. I absolutely despise myself. Every inch of my being. I used to hate myself more for my body and the way I looked and chose to dress. But in the last year or so I've been learning more and more about myself and my mind and have come to realise that I'm fucking nuts, an attention seeker and a paranoid thick bitch that has an obsession with running out of time.

This jist is that I hate myself for not being good enough to make it in life. Even just succeed at the simplest of lives and I hate myself for not being able to end it all. I've had suicide attempts which ended with my balls not being big enough.

Anyway this doesn't scratch the surface. I though I'd write some shite on here and I don't know maybe it will help. Who knows.",2.916856118791604,4.6140494746543785,3.63056067588326,90.50552355350746,74.99078341013825,5.928213005632361,23.576292882744497,6.42735559955562,0.5177856630824373,844,25,176,6,18,267,129,217,0.17300000000000001,0.768,0.06,-0.9776,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,8,15,6,3,10,0,16,9,2,2,2,37,28,19,3,0,6,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,11,17,2,2,5,2,0,2,5,10,0,1,4,4,23,5,26,18,8,21,0,0,1,1,5,12,2,2,7,119,34,3,0.13570196228058254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043464326115334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073428827618374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689522463180813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293626075836615,0.15737119372382458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403833202085044,0.2804328049138209,0.0,0.0896298662506375,0.0,0.11433475599903213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302951646988219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545427745611046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382036762496055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019327798641456,0.13926936331694345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095816484207646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931628116733423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915649911300227,0.11061521115831023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875509274277414,0.06629712419941307,0.0,0.1198273188689546,0.0,0.11395547090315215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058211356529527,0.0,0.13633086069427744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370202976224125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195516163571044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569312244767235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156674215692347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28373031006105925,0.0,0.14843592141522513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333264889441768,0.0,0.07912890549208054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720292517702438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771390125190712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879264474283446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738761454509547
bpd,_nvrndrs,2018/11/28,"im really stuck i don’t know how to express my concerns, thoughts, overthinking to people without seeming like I’m making myself look manipulative. there’s so many things going on in my head and i just can’t say anything because im afraid of the worst outcome, i can just about make myself smile in front of people and the amount of times people come up to me and say ‘you’re really not okay, I can see it when you’re not focusing on people’ I just i don’t know what to say back except I’m alive I’m ok, I’m so stuck I’m so confused I don’t even know where this is headed rn ",2.0020799999999994,3.2819100480000003,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,76.52000000000002,6.6000000000000005,22.1,7.1686216300943375,0.5657999999999999,456,12,102,5,10,155,73,125,0.13,0.8079999999999999,0.062,-0.7925,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,2,2,2,7,2,2,4,0,21,25,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,3,5,12,3,15,22,2,12,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,2,4,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470199080058234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586663523733765,0.0,0.09978321435507416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100346539391118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811495323217607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302815564171417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359840046973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35362413221554057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698773623199955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997011244225008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745742264964353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185271803128214,0.16595481971491008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539250016424543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097265600947091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905158724042695,0.0,0.0,0.1304388345704918,0.14901619729618995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874761016529412,0.0,0.0,0.12995067661302356,0.0954482950210664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779022707008095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Beneficial_Bunch,2018/11/28,"I'm Think I'm Finally on the Path to a Better Life  My experience with BPD has made it difficult for me to find and maintain a job with health benefits. Consequently, a therapist is not a luxury I can afford at this moment, and DBT seems like a dream I can only achieve after winning the lottery. However (like many of you), I can be obsessive ...and lately, I've been obsessive about trying to get better. Now, I'm not trying to delude myself into thinking I can cure myself, but I do think it's possible to at least mitigate my symptoms and to make slight improvements to my life and situation.

So far in my research, the single most effective book I have found has been ""Search Inside Yourself"" by Chade-Meng Tan (known as Meng). Now I know this sounds suspiciously like a corny self-help book (and maybe it is), but this book is actually outlining a DBT based curriculum taught by Google to their staff and engineers (and comically enough, ""Search Inside Yourself"" is a reference to Google, the search engine).

Now, there is absolutely no way I can possibly summarize this book in a way that will fully illustrate its points and benefits, but I can at least discuss some of the points that have been helpful to me:

1. The central focus of this book is to build mindfulness through meditation. Although I'm still working on developing my brain to be more mindful, I can already see that the benefits are manifold:
   1. In the book, mindfulness is defined as the mental process of ""pay\[ing\] attention moment-to-moment, without judging."" What I take this to mean is, thoroughly applying your attention during a task/event/conversation by fully observing it (in a non-judgemental manner), using any of the applicable 5 senses. This level of focus can be difficult at first, but the practice of different meditation activities can help your brain build this level of attention. Although I'm quite the novice at all of this, I have already found that **I'm a lot less haunted by my own thoughts and fears when I focus on projecting my attention outward, and away from myself. This can also be helpful for those of you that struggle with empathy (like myself), because it forces you to actually look at and understand the people around you (instead of just jumping to your own distorted conclusions).**
   2. Another benefit of mindfulness is, you can practice awareness over your own body and recognize the physiological symptoms that manifest before you are about to have an anger/stress based episode (i.e. I get this weird feeling in my brain when I'm starting to get a fight-or-flight response. Knowing what this feeling means allows me to recognize that I'm about to have an episode, and to act in a more cautious (read, not bat-shit-crazy impulsive) manner).
      1. It was also noted that, recognizing the physiological symptoms associated with negative feelings allows you to remove them from your identity. The statement ""I am angry"" can eventually become ""I feel anger in my body,"" which is a temporary state (instead of an existential condition).
2. The book also focuses on building self-confidence by going through an honest and non-judgemental self-appraisal of who you really are. Truthfully, this was by far the hardest part of this process for me: to not only look at myself honestly, but to do so in a non-judgemental manner (i.e. I have a tendency to get inappropriate crushes and exert an unhealthy amount of mental energy on this crush. I have figured out that I learned this habit from projecting love onto an absentee father. I do not think about how that makes me look, or what it says about me; and I do not waste any more mental energy blaming or hating my father. I only recognize the behavior and try to come up with counter behaviors to help mitigate the negative results (like thinking about the people I really love and avoiding the crush)). All that being said, I can't tell you the best way for you to do this (everyone will have their own method), but I will say that it requires that you look at yourself objectively (as if you were a stranger looking at you), and ***without judging any of your observations as being either good or bad***. In short, you must suspend your ego and truthfully examine who you are; but once you do that, you have nothing to hide from yourself, and no false ego to protect. You can honestly face your compulsions and start working towards solutions (thus, building self-confidence).
3. Once the book finishes talking about applying mindfulness to your physiological symptoms, and once you have an honest appraisal of who you are and how your emotions run, you then find that many of your emotions and actions lose their mystique. You no longer suffer under the delusion that there is some invisible puppet master pulling the strings in your brain; no, you now know that you experience \**enter divergent emotion/behavior here\** because of *\*enter traumatic experience here*\*. **And this knowledge allows you to turn your compulsions into choice, giving you control over your reactions and emotions.** In this way, the book guides you into emotional self-regulation.
4. Once the book begins to cover emotional self-regulation, it discusses the importance of letting-go, which can be accomplished by recognizing that often, your suffering in life does not come from a painful event, but from your reaction to it. I'm not comfortable summarizing this portion of the book too extensively because I am still acquainting myself with its practices, but I will say that Meng does have some very insightful and helpful tips to help with ""befriending your emotions"" and tolerating distress.
5. Another portion of this book discusses the ever elusive skill of self-motivation. For those of you who are semi-intelligent, but can't seem to handle the constant stress/mapping of an ""adult"" job (like me), there is a section on resilience training. Also, an important section on emotional resilience and building up your tolerance for failure.
6. The final section of this book discusses empathy training and learning to build your compassion. Meng did not write this book with BPD sufferers in mind, so I will only mention that I have concluded **I must learn to eradicate my inclinations towards constant judgement. Only by doing this, will I be able to let more people and joy into my heart; and only by doing this, will I be able accept my own follies and flaws (thus, letting people love me in return)**. And the only way to remove judgement from my heart, is to try to fill it with kindness, compassion, and understanding.....In short, I need a Grinch-Who-Stole-Christmas type of transformation.

I hope this is of help to somebody. Thank you to whoever has taken the time to read this.

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**TLDR**: I found a book that has changed my life, and has given me the tools to manage my emotional-reactivity and distress tolerance. Although I have a lot of work ahead of me, at least I finally feel like there may be a solution, and I may be on the path to it. I feel better than I have in 25 years, and I sincerely hope each and everyone of you reads this book.",6.7400150639776015,8.396331525236597,6.996372948640697,70.27788661255451,65.37223974763407,10.493829085882396,36.013752525431535,10.594820492484976,4.313360620990324,5666,276,906,152,89,1830,468,1268,0.09300000000000001,0.763,0.14400000000000002,0.9968,5,1,1,0,1,0,254.0,0,49,4,21,37,52,2,7,70,0,96,22,9,15,7,171,163,75,0,6,27,2,6,7,0,11,10,5,0,1,74,60,0,4,43,21,0,13,19,18,0,1,16,17,126,34,175,123,33,107,0,4,6,3,83,60,0,17,35,676,200,38,0.08071678740035543,0.0,0.07876794096618371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890729820463606,0.12909837144378433,0.0,0.08745660542516752,0.09807973158407687,0.0823352749932326,0.08463858941561478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035927526869504005,0.0,0.0,0.03791803939839778,0.0,0.033697572968417334,0.07380630661968332,0.0445726750438892,0.03434202050269894,0.0,0.0423536442733144,0.1070811586131927,0.0,0.08965815450462021,0.10165996810565164,0.18021325876623984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042693829202754614,0.0695303651926082,0.0,0.0872261720157202,0.045265370278620896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216593157045664,0.0,0.0,0.07063580459488257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31778432574990817,0.0,0.04170100917095056,0.0,0.0,0.036506477663455335,0.0,0.07712834940297174,0.0,0.11843475962207888,0.0,0.04541441321403791,0.1224384989331541,0.028832044523395318,0.0,0.13263194278753646,0.07377368137602636,0.03432882906427619,0.0,0.13275268674575766,0.0,0.0,0.08434237990828594,0.03871544873389126,0.045873210398717584,0.033850705844689286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984555835487024,0.0,0.04289908525971723,0.0,0.09564978170560008,0.2164110446304109,0.0,0.0,0.08016998253315552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009895669023785,0.0,0.0,0.04202705652178726,0.06653975314332035,0.0,0.04552602598169564,0.0,0.0,0.08253838384652504,0.11402530803973575,0.1380195080648914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945443093480736,0.04515071927319517,0.0,0.06862252618814949,0.10927507803390654,0.038188087944243915,0.053879082365863376,0.08183415342322095,0.040545431008634884,0.08792424441605509,0.0,0.0,0.12201530536282708,0.0,0.24450283651434504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02992523754933205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387249672272178,0.0,0.0,0.17192148854083275,0.0,0.2148606391949943,0.04294417637531599,0.0,0.0,0.04370420748053698,0.0,0.11191771438412468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630345406468288,0.09099604987373593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292611951301389,0.12110794576403935,0.0,0.051709240880133414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03839007438803267,0.09628384361307817,0.0,0.0,0.0321604145601947,0.07348153173876007,0.2947182452752736,0.0,0.04142731116753107,0.0,0.04536452546940952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057131757568996334,0.0,0.06446053068404871,0.0,0.09246080725354963,0.0421913558421558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779129602975507,0.030344489398465894,0.03243854810742035,0.035275014962164335,0.03715658659792512,0.0,0.04685920570882902,0.0,0.12930014541280105,0.0,0.03204005652161876,0.023533303920178453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960280051152524,0.0438983431413024,0.0,0.04201451115708392,0.0,0.034856694167226865,0.0,0.033299901475559376,0.0,0.160173071953012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778081026686672,0.0,0.08814417383963542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807973158407687,0.025989482341000684
bpd,OratioFidelis,2018/11/28,"having BPD is a Sophie's Choice between abandonment anxiety and crippling loneliness would you rather go mad from the isolation or go mad from the paranoia that you'll end up isolated?

stability is whenever you're able to walk a tightrope between the two. ",7.841231884057972,9.24021167391304,7.576956521739131,68.04992753623189,62.69565217391305,12.220289855072465,41.42028985507246,11.855464076750405,5.67090724637681,211,12,33,7,3,67,36,46,0.392,0.608,0.0,-0.9601,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,22,3,0,0.38613838426849495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29539480705816346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863277775712143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34200399651733643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43890268468468624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377201093328628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27430162933286106,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,artisticallypretty,2018/11/28,"I know I have BPD cause... I woke up at five in the morning, went on r/horriblydepressing because I was upset and lonely and wanted to cry. 

So I did until 8 am, got ready for work and walked towards campus. It was snowing lightly, but it wasn’t that cold. Snowflakes landed on my eyelashes, and I thought everything was going to be ok. At least the snow likes me, and then my mood completely shifted. 

Ugh, bpd why???",2.9631216931216926,4.8713115555555575,4.2191534391534375,85.42333333333333,75.41975308641976,6.603880070546737,26.386243386243386,7.447530270364453,1.3530761904761903,320,12,64,4,7,105,62,81,0.12300000000000001,0.778,0.099,-0.2518,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,2,1,8,0,0,1,0,10,15,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,9,2,9,2,11,5,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,3,43,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448458212068605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6383559241947844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603356904906641,0.0,0.0,0.2657096643525385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27837375852076596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277606548305152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402638602749665,0.0,0.20268588257777345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927489979586724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123809896109616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118991057379665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947571600348392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23492607586233055,0.2286752449330138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844952888938857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a_new_error,2018/11/28,"How do you get help? I have always neglected my physical health and this includes my mental heath as well. I suspect very strongly that I have BPD but I have not even seen a regular doctor in years, let alone ever seen a therapist. I made an appointment via phone yesterday for a general physical at a regular clinic. I didn’t know how to say that I needed help for my mind as well.


When I see the general doctor next week, I plan on telling him that I fear I have some mental issues and hope he can direct me in the right direction but is he even the right person to tell? I kind of feel that one is supposed to be referred by a doctor to a therapist but I don’t know if this is correct. Or am I suppose to seek a therapist specifically and make an appointment with them myself? I honestly don’t know how to go about it. 

For those of you with a diagnosis, how did you get the help you needed?  ",3.14784543325527,4.459051907103831,4.9832669789227175,82.61668032786885,73.64480874316939,8.944418423106947,26.73263075722092,9.424239791934726,2.2889581576893057,701,25,145,17,14,240,101,183,0.059000000000000004,0.809,0.132,0.9195,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,1,2,11,8,0,1,14,0,16,5,0,6,2,33,31,15,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,8,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,5,5,26,6,21,24,1,13,0,1,3,0,16,6,0,4,6,106,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777820199164866,0.0,0.0,0.10265700761488006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553851679876777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788353892557773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629746575349186,0.11159879882077307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882999095556045,0.06238157483686237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891559101129565,0.0,0.0701162575275542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114073698451792,0.0,0.0,0.24808486922800665,0.0,0.0,0.12253816753648004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877034764971415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284749810442345,0.2034092851433551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615822017664707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673941219768424,0.08235306798189106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486638424696583,0.0,0.12457251703299553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829604376362426,0.0,0.0,0.1312095928310736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360137978026605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772537221670672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107213541511629,0.0,0.09811191493305024,0.0,0.0,0.09831306289208633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215668536113146,0.0,0.0,0.4297399863396625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179642746642277,0.0,0.0,0.09896313889621143,0.0,0.22185599086617624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944877722708367
bpd,CharlesHonestly,2018/11/28,"DAE Have Loud Thoughts? This morning while I was trying to take a nap after playing a video game I kept trying over and over again to quiet my thoughts but they seemed unnaturally loud. They were nonsensical thoughts and sounded like there was a coffee shop happening inside of my head! It was awful, to the point where my eyes were watering and I clamped my hands over my ears to try and stop the noise (I guess). 

So, does anyone else have these loud or very loud thoughts? ",5.747333333333334,6.791421511111111,4.944444444444446,86.33000000000004,67.22222222222223,7.777777777777778,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.4973333333333343,376,12,75,4,6,112,60,90,0.081,0.8690000000000001,0.05,-0.5862,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,5,1,7,5,4,0,0,14,16,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,1,2,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,9,11,2,9,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,3,5,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216648142879196,0.20832596805102646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792721528537214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984826038407494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398054845180995,0.0,0.17979572305017233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866557960589385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993321683807212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922036731406882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509542564378856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998511429826138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287177739083016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6456553377906098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141239954936397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776077720937535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UMustLMAO2Upvote,2018/11/28,"I can't stop crying at work. Every day I go into work it's a ""bad day."" I wake up, take my meds, and I'm happy. I'm good. And the first hour or two at work is fine. After that, I get down. Real down. Crying in the bathroom down when nothing is wrong at all. Multiple times a day, and I have to hide it. My day sucks until I leave, then I'm okay. Not good, but okay. When I get home it' whatever, I can be super mani or super depressed, but work just kills me. I have to hide how sad I am every second and it's so hard to ""fake it till I make it."" I feel, every day, like I'll never make it.

​

The thing is, I like my job. I like my coworkers. I just don't know what to do or how to deal with this. I'm on my lunch break right now typing this and I just feel pathetic. I can't even eat.

​

I just want to be normal. Amy suggestions are appreciated... please.",-1.7187860576923055,0.1902034114583344,1.2410416666666677,99.31774038461542,95.61458333333334,4.203846153846154,13.113782051282053,5.8734145424116955,-1.1026881410256408,653,11,165,6,26,227,103,192,0.17,0.635,0.196,0.3618,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,7,11,18,2,0,5,2,14,3,1,4,2,30,29,18,1,2,10,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,12,7,2,1,3,0,0,1,5,7,0,3,0,3,24,11,20,27,1,30,0,2,0,0,2,11,1,3,20,103,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414560117275157,0.2707850448169975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303450018778736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447883647931084,0.3592967523115433,0.1148733926074598,0.09596944590824706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401470919535935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359459160827575,0.0,0.2816389232641785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267878315415587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094777313992917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642902541928075,0.0,0.06332490481516037,0.18691455923048875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861306573708605,0.09981414080185808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117674943583135,0.0,0.10973033024069796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057126292483696,0.0,0.12327429870744107,0.0,0.06123579169049285,0.0,0.0,0.11798207268499313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330861523150733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487529533115854,0.11296658618642415,0.0,0.0,0.1237670974095752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593716351802251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091719966546606,0.10691446455652152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231024236210836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268250617296253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515560416854978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315556775665954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377708410293493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402524553013408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497231032137232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884519126771798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572084288979843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244723951018351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182480213199415,0.2707850448169975,0.0
bpd,irrrrrb,2018/11/28,"A body of extreme text from somebody with extreme feels: good morning edition ((possible trigger warning as I temporarily rant my current thoughts))

I have to move. I don't want to be here anymore, living in this house. Its depressing. It's a weight that seems to get heavier and heavier. It's dark and cold and dirty and down right depressing. It's a symbol of the total disfunction and piece of shitness that is this sorry excuse for a family. I consistently feel as if I'm drowning, being tugged just below the surface lifted only for a momentary breath that keeps me alive, albeit alive only to endure the torture and sense of prolonged suffocation. I'm trapped in a room that never really had a door. The windows let light in and are proof of the blue skies that exist beyond this dark hell. So grateful for their presence yet confused and tricked. What is their purpose here? A glimmer of hope that there is something beyond that one day I will escape to? Or perhaps they're nothing more then twisted psychological torture ensuring that I know there is something beyond, something beautiful, something worth living for. Always visible, yet just out of reach. In my inner world, if the sand isn't shifting beneath my feet, the walls are slowly but surely closing in, bound to constrict my body like the boa snake, wrapping around my legs, pressing my arms to my body, squeezing, squeezing until my eyeballs pop out of my head. Dead? No, there is no relief. Broken bones, deflated lungs. I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't see. All I can do is sit in agony, nearly dead but no where near worthy of dying. ",5.5601702645180895,7.232804100334451,5.575337488598361,79.29708346001826,68.19732441471572,7.443052599574339,32.32000608087565,7.84624498591911,2.435025418060201,1282,56,216,15,22,402,179,299,0.16399999999999998,0.731,0.105,-0.9640000000000001,1,1,4,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,2,0,15,13,5,1,16,0,21,13,12,1,5,37,33,18,4,4,7,0,7,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,16,13,1,3,5,0,1,2,9,8,0,1,2,11,22,5,42,27,4,36,1,2,2,0,3,26,2,6,8,151,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962904345121204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066356449633898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728809570320245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390436159566186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496977987308252,0.0,0.2269573170618239,0.0,0.13673880407614122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420499468283727,0.0,0.13323654248722006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883550016154696,0.0,0.0,0.11050815830306784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521658003168474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086044884228107,0.0,0.15202526271117062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171081125413668,0.0,0.0,0.07240799849734612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472636036069768,0.0,0.06436785655276897,0.0,0.2326806106660071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800651581872291,0.0,0.0,0.10161602936939314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264205487549053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927923684367735,0.200408174126186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485317016805764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440434009162241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251633486629886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499007611883687,0.11994297517746988,0.0,0.0,0.13524255244710676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057195589430628,0.0,0.14748668722292266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417563526873937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459715830964786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771132799688549,0.0,0.0,0.1604396492007087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd_noob,2018/11/28,never nodding so much at other people's post in a subreddit before... ...but then deflated when i remember my tendency to overemphasize how similar other people are to me in an attempt to not feel empty/lonely.,8.769210526315792,8.482368552631579,10.451578947368422,53.97105263157897,60.842105263157904,13.915789473684216,40.05263157894737,13.023866798666859,6.19443157894737,167,8,22,6,2,60,33,38,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406984845483265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244688783730289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943293370071492,0.0,0.3088019024839352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551536445240178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834585352447084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535586063017453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,splath999,2018/11/28,"Lingering on the past/Endless rage Recently I’ve been struggling with my tendency to bring up things from the past that hurt me. I can never seem to live them down or get over them, and I constantly think about what happened and try to think of ways that I can extract revenge over the people who hurt me (a bit of context, I had a huge bullying issue) 

The things that were said constantly ring in my head and I’m just bitter and angry to the core. It gets to the point that I can recognize that I’m comprised of more hate than love and I can feel that violent rage at the pit of me that never goes away. 

I’m mad that these people can go on with their lives and they’re better than mine and normal, and that they just get away with these things, meanwhile I’m living a life where i’m essentially miserable and haunted by what’s happened. I’m mad that I just can’t fucking get over it, and that I’ll talk about it every chance I get and I know people are sick of hearing about it and think less of me for it but I CANNOT stop. It’s confusing, because on one hand I know that you have to get over it and accept it to move on and feel better. But on the other hand, I feel like my rage is justified, and like being bitter and hateful and vengeful is simply a product of what has happened and something that is now ingrained into my nature. Like I don’t want to move on until I feel like they’ve paid for what they’ve done. 

Does anyone else just drudge up pains from the past even when it feels like torture? Does anyone else get that anger that feels like an itch you just can’t scratch? If so, how do you deal with it? Is it better to seek revenge at the end of the day? 


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bpd,icouldusesomehelpnow,2018/11/28,"Experiences with DBT classes? After a series of difficult events culminating in me dropping out of college and moving home, a therapist finally diagnosed me with BPD and recommended that I start seeing a therapist with DBT experience. My new DBT therapist said that she generally requires her patients to join a DBT group or class while they work with her, but I really don’t like the idea of having to do this. I’ve been part of group therapy before and mostly found it frustrating to deal with other people in a therapy setting. If you’ve done DBT classes before, did you really think it was that helpful? Is this something I really need to do?",9.147338935574226,8.499687949579837,9.696260504201678,60.87055322128853,60.26050420168068,13.647619047619047,39.16106442577031,12.745084868956482,5.4314694677871165,522,23,83,17,6,177,77,119,0.047,0.861,0.092,0.6494,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,19,15,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,8,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,2,11,1,17,9,2,12,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,3,7,60,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516964678073405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626928843330934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247383478948598,0.0,0.15011088662389227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134851257542514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893404855638973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620123638106103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621598547820621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913128059051292,0.0,0.14835131167282709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695609244984558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722543032037504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571895814169057,0.0,0.10966268843835973,0.0,0.14283845953443186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015648599222346,0.0,0.102532163888483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842370605750831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068255130139307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178536182427678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138572324663764,0.0,0.0,0.10468124304604877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33826293859580514,0.5151544545948998,0.0,0.09476550712798004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766973369883144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,life-of-a-trashcan,2018/11/28,"Feeling rejected when my bf doesn't want to talk I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back and one of the biggest thing it affects is my relationships. I get so easily hurt if my boyfriend doesn't want to talk or hang out with me. He can so easily turn from my favourite person on earth to my least with the words of 'I can't talk, sorry'. It feels so dumb and he tries to understands but can't clearly. It makes me feel so damn low. It has lead me to cancel other plans we had because I want to 'seek revenge'. It's really petty I know. I always want him to run back to me if I push him away but he never does. It's so frustrating. I just feel that I act so silly and petty but I can't control it. How can I prevent from getting so upset over these small things? Thank you for reading :) ",0.9929416167664656,2.8417865988024005,2.8949962574850296,92.89722492514973,81.21556886227546,6.0911676646706585,20.61714071856287,7.1686216300943375,0.3956589820359282,610,17,139,8,16,204,99,167,0.21899999999999997,0.6970000000000001,0.084,-0.9739,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,3,13,9,3,1,3,0,11,1,0,5,2,34,26,18,0,6,7,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,6,1,0,5,6,7,0,1,2,4,24,2,20,24,2,17,0,3,0,0,13,7,2,3,5,95,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358693168209326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083802445433658,0.24689955595869845,0.0,0.09786720392558478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220176199030088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006571904426374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295056487610188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049467469677304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247070363560999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775706451321096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718675543913404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823174994504747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071655401020381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382278587713633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878996055614942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018236331929998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058920393039922,0.0,0.10284972356353317,0.0,0.0,0.17236606148522346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971783197063912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871217966689224,0.0,0.14780896393430953,0.0,0.0,0.2133189356397122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900003116010124,0.17462768279449656,0.0,0.16713379599518552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787761905872913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033862044321062
bpd,kitty-palooza,2018/11/28,"Being misunderstood I was called delusional, attention seeking, manipulative, bipolar ( which later became true lmao), vile, rotten, ""you must hate us"", acting dramatic, silly, rude, my mom smacked me once (and only once in my life) because she was fed up with that ""spoiled, non appreciative attitude"" and a whole lot more since I first started to show more obvious signs of mental illness by 17.

Needless to say, being highly misunderstood is the worst thing. That person that acted all out wasn't me. The real me packed my bags during the trauma i suffered at 14 and hid somewhere deep deep inside my mind. I was lost inside the darkness, almost like a completely different identity. I refer to my bpd episodes as Dr Jekyl Mr Hyde, because thats exactly what I feel like. Two identities fighting for control over my mind and body. A never ending war in the mind thats been going strong for nearly 9 years.",9.50461656441718,8.647262122699388,9.078949386503071,66.2611234662577,59.67484662576687,11.585582822085893,38.16641104294479,10.686352973137794,4.214215337423312,718,29,114,14,8,231,120,163,0.213,0.6890000000000001,0.098,-0.9663,1,0,0,0,2,0,30.0,1,1,0,4,0,15,5,0,8,0,9,6,1,2,6,24,15,5,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,2,8,6,1,1,3,1,0,3,2,10,0,2,7,3,18,5,16,5,6,19,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,2,8,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180939039013433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483264073455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839773814182166,0.1909397843748756,0.0,0.15480451558826808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895378767508206,0.0,0.17003664670967536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583937912249091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427604254170644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665547878585321,0.10830584480732024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895418602852102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615998081970175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496774485049732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017782676007492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708230651695204,0.14813199953593525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654935477979488,0.12888820051573566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278105715582135,0.0,0.459230115384023,0.17755663629909235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692626119257495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32290637665043004,0.0,0.11530158508665125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237466361263228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255840996488878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056149325274305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540829922812274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730600918391764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007188838841038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809496546922835,0.0,0.18236080559749498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692603220644763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097627930574364
bpd,1668991,2018/11/28,"I'd like to stop doing this to myself Long time lurker first time poster here. I have no friends who can relate so I might as well try this...

I see people here posting to get advice on how to approach their BPD loved ones correctly. That's really sweet, obviously they are good people. But nobody did that for me, I always tried my best to hide my 'crazy' ever since I was diagnosed,, and the people closest to me did nothing about it.. the worst they did was underestimating and making fun of my disorder and the best they did was to ignore it. I never expected anyone to be the solution of my problems but the lack of support gets to me. It really makes me split on my friends.

   I've been really depressed lately. I have nothing good going on. Last friday I went to see a doctor about some symptoms I've been showing lately and it turns out there's a possibility that I have cervical cancer. Have to wait for the test results until friday. Waiting part is absolutely horrible. I understand this now... My SO was very worried so I told him it's probably nothing and I've been acting cool ever since but in my mind I'm FREAKING OUT. One part of me says that it's a very  low possibility, don't freak out over something like that. The other part says many people get cancer. What if you have it? How are you going to afford to be sick? Gonna spend the money you didn't make yet? 

I've never been the kind of person to just walk over to someone and talk about my problems.. I feel like a burden and a bore when I do that. But right now I actually want someone to say hey what's up, what's happening lately.  So I can tell them I'm scared out of my mind. I don't know how to deal with the uncertainty. I lay in bed at night and can't go to sleep for hours. I know I'm overreacting and obsessing. I'm also obsessing over how none of my friends ever asked me how I am doing for a whole week. Even though they text me almost everyday to tell me about their newest purchase or sexual adventure or some other thing. I am ashamed because of these feelings, and how sensitive I am to any kind of perceived or real abandonment.  it's a bigger struggle to cook and clean and do chores now,, I haven't done anything in the house, haven't eaten and slept much since friday. Time goes by slowly and I can't find anything that can distract me from the horrifying elephant that is in the room. I don't know what I expect people to say to all this rambling.  until friday I will constantly be screaming in my head ",2.929904383224464,4.663613300198811,4.469978699233174,84.34596587143804,75.04373757455271,7.1761620751680395,23.90461989964972,7.957251820313856,1.2737212344977755,1962,60,393,30,42,656,234,503,0.177,0.7190000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9934,1,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,3,7,3,30,37,0,6,20,1,45,12,3,10,8,72,79,38,0,7,9,0,2,3,3,3,6,5,4,1,29,19,2,5,8,2,3,7,12,18,1,3,18,11,58,19,63,55,13,58,0,3,2,1,28,22,0,8,31,282,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0712881362489383,0.0,0.0,0.07138549094820311,0.0,0.0,0.07315094575220306,0.0,0.0,0.058419594190938735,0.0607850496736413,0.0,0.0,0.049677810793025114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107960114552653,0.0,0.12023101179506725,0.0,0.0682936841025686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453177251045788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533269666089832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200633618809116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894317356600136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531332202705875,0.06291951182415796,0.07414616127207209,0.0,0.0,0.08372382947065894,0.07477173579951442,0.0,0.07475747744947088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825010432297453,0.19823893236654574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738744916353674,0.052188306387281815,0.0,0.0,0.06676813161559954,0.06213792600345541,0.0,0.0,0.16931919699998932,0.0,0.1144998395929172,0.0,0.12455126919531692,0.1225449694776176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459957177511186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497234560459884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194142620818286,0.0842921077721463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214466671171425,0.12044227460733542,0.0595470650728363,0.2472172437095304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706843464397543,0.0,0.0,0.06464865056705668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659322101178098,0.0,0.1462881719726968,0.07406318113045049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749654303288486,0.14752322928071754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370156680860428,0.0,0.11268428873240285,0.0,0.0,0.06855427843482823,0.0,0.2102858629589991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900374345203168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373243321565529,0.0,0.2532250168603015,0.06378611897464732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471012754539344,0.06996354613564416,0.0,0.07876232556647025,0.1398016435079887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314907828816574,0.14039679204416505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623859407018152,0.0,0.2323752761294043,0.07313771613063033,0.0,0.11642584467067744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128790986124596,0.0,0.07310467742302285,0.0,0.12379330984589025,0.05623893716380242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107467633558152,0.0,0.0763697282653183,0.0,0.0,0.0828984533384409,0.0,0.07592891616838371,0.0,0.05871636629913447,0.12770119629688953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853244975356492,0.0,0.071773140691557,0.0,0.1277914864096494,0.0,0.0,0.06980424032228147,0.0,0.0991949171235188,0.07945951179054749,0.0,0.07604962524244717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205509695618447,0.043087915243896914,0.0,0.05859784396047149,0.0,0.06568244944264631,0.0677198619011898,0.0,0.08155986006873239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741877709876035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lupa_Leno,2018/11/28,"Just saw the DR. Shout out to all of you struggling ❤️🙏 I hope anyone struggling, suffering, or battling their demons have a slightly better day today than they had yesterday. Or a slightly better 5mins than they had 5mins previously. 

First steps are finally in place for a diagnosis

Feeling weird but I made friends with a cat on the walk home and feel like if stuff doesn't end up alright at least I can feel alright
Life can be hard but to me, for now, it's worth it

Love to you all ❤️💕

",0.5484767707539966,2.9788746930693084,2.043960396039605,94.24626047220109,89.19801980198021,5.087890327494288,21.63061690784463,6.67199483983844,0.4601539984767702,388,14,84,5,13,125,75,101,0.134,0.6609999999999999,0.205,0.8954,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,3,3,2,13,1,2,6,2,8,3,0,1,2,16,15,6,0,2,6,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,5,0,1,4,6,9,8,14,10,3,15,1,1,1,1,7,6,0,4,8,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559377137357934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683111481614044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428606344004215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442302469572452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158501320768745,0.14875394831053151,0.0,0.2280971917170534,0.0,0.1771136576889225,0.0,0.0,0.16087191954208294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652615084465646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886379770169786,0.20681158126189045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707346512031053,0.10172682666067373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879286233793916,0.1970248365677512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754783294009952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353580101475368,0.2383645494369348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737025506621436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwthrowitaway127,2018/11/28,"In so much pain My FP, who is a close friend, is cutting off contact with me. I’m so lost. Feels like a knife to my heart. This pain is so terrible. It feels like it will kill me. I don’t want to live like this. I know some of you know this pain, please tell me this will get better. I don’t know how to live without being able to talk to him. I can’t do this. ",-1.764024390243904,0.023181621951223967,0.4153170731707334,106.6900487804878,92.53658536585364,3.76780487804878,13.078048780487805,4.935628992294339,-1.6660331707317075,271,4,76,1,10,89,48,82,0.235,0.584,0.18100000000000002,-0.8089,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,2,4,12,2,0,2,0,10,4,1,1,0,11,19,4,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,2,11,5,10,15,2,3,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,47,19,0,0.17638022978072354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599397985371144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836628762012646,0.25201214279557044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627092799850962,0.0,0.09215139023490823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209011421527853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951385913472198,0.0,0.29080188463793555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25851141288397256,0.0,0.3114939486639753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925398563373902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965976345817884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5630430006525853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361252631030534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417677475333876,0.15416409510167414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403362937884708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002424736543986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xeltic4,2018/11/28,"a boy left me because of my bpd he told me that he felt as if i was controlling him. i didnt tell him he couldnt text other boys, i didnt ask him where he was or anything, but i think i was being manipulative because of my bpd. it sucks because i loved him too (although i did fall in love rather quick). i wish i had realized sooner that it was my bpd but he's already with someone else.",3.693529411764708,3.2111830588235293,5.3388235294117665,87.06470588235297,71.35294117647058,8.211764705882354,28.764705882352942,7.554174236665415,1.4063411764705882,300,10,72,3,5,103,52,85,0.038,0.789,0.17300000000000001,0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,2,0,13,18,6,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,10,1,18,2,5,6,0,5,0,0,0,2,16,3,1,2,1,48,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558547983851046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585098154035062,0.0,0.16569270624361376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241261617985497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.669671538513084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987864100340547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805880354243908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701753519400356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925685614855512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199266950260073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501723680070752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549129841436007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356633808707273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935758611158874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381384796025032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ktktokes,2018/11/28,"Can't get angry at my FP/stick up for myself without going overboard and then regretting it. I'm in therapy and really active about my recovery, so less looking for advice and more looking to vent/for commiseration.    
    
Yesterday afternoon my partner yelled at me for an uncalled for reason. I got upset but my son was around so I ignored it at the time. For the next few hours my partner and I ignored each other and after I put my son to bed, I expected an apology but never got one. By the time we were supposed to go to sleep I was so worked up and felt so disrespected in my head that I started crying and asked him to leave.    
    
So he left.    
    
I know I wasn't out of bounds for being upset, or for asking for space, in fact I was sort of proud because I never ask for my space when I know I need it.    
    
However, the minute he walked out I sent him a barrage of mean texts, and when I realized he had ACTUALLY left and went home, the panic set in. I called him over and over again and left voicemails apologizing. I texted him apologizing and calling myself and idiot and expressing hate for myself and begging him to come back.    
    
I eventually fell asleep and my head is clear this morning but I just resent this disorder so much sometimes. I wish I could stand up for myself, take space when I need it, without going overboard and getting nasty/splitting and then APOLOGIZING and negating the fact that I knew I wasn't wrong in the initial problem.     
    
Does anybody else experience these sort of episodes/cycles?",4.976126279863479,6.000006706484648,5.870257679180888,79.06900426621159,68.96587030716725,8.590375426621161,30.349658703071675,8.841846274778883,2.4316131058020485,1187,46,224,20,20,391,155,293,0.177,0.76,0.063,-0.9886,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,2,14,12,3,3,10,0,11,4,4,1,5,56,38,34,0,7,7,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,10,25,0,3,7,0,0,9,8,11,0,1,13,4,44,1,42,23,5,50,0,1,2,0,24,22,0,3,17,163,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.11018317893407058,0.0,0.0,0.1103336506789302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051320557993716,0.3166648314074395,0.0,0.0,0.08682027394840011,0.0,0.0688284547324546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058601665165704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726135500555284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014887994288512,0.0,0.12402555241455512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940382746713505,0.0,0.09880767989315986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432122295357176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044695046728477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841062420808896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798088693405995,0.0,0.1925068532061333,0.0,0.1806077461246388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114745474387212,0.2317550101748247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325722316496935,0.0,0.11119290605365632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410398506277072,0.0,0.0,0.11955463448712435,0.3680288193708319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896307320550806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299131647095185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300131909817622,0.16744161460095472,0.17416520899220064,0.0,0.12008031003100747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651025650204515,0.0,0.0,0.13247472325366955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803894106677027,0.0,0.113505021437657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233258189250771,0.1160895543507194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299083097488608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167017413797753,0.0,0.07991777606253778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489373377144824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912161238410086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167662909254368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466804231202596,0.0,0.0,0.12984011037867024,0.21768105129326348,0.0,0.08219930730733786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234485829829754,0.0,0.0
bpd,Carvain,2018/11/28,"Evil Alter (Need advice for friend) The following will be words from my friend. He's in need of advice on what to do with his situation. Myself; I'm not very educated with DID, and I do not know what to do for him. He can't make his own post without hallucinating and not remembering anything that happened. I appreciate all the help and advice and so does he. He will most likely be replying to people if he can. Now here are his words.

""I am looking for some advice or experiences anyone has that are relatable and might help me understand this ambiguous and disturbing situation in which I've somehow become the subject of.

It's probably best for me go ahead and call it a disorder, with my research and understanding leading me to make the self diagnoses of DID (dissociative identity disorder) co-occurring with BPD. I do sense I'm missing something.

There is something within myself that I'm terrified of, and it is dominant in most of my dissociations. The reason I fear this part of me is because of three main reasons : I see the look on peoples faces when I come back, and hear what they say to/about me..and how they will now forever act towards me, ruining what little relationship we likely didn't get far enough to develop because the dissociation causes a natural, expected reaction. People fear what they don't understand. Sound familiar? Problem is, I have no interest in getting to know that side of me. It's too much, at least at this point in my awareness of my illness.

Here's what exacerbates and messes me up the most about everything I've come to learn about my illness. My most dominant alter (The evil, what I assume to be callous/sadistic from what I know) when I dissociate often leaves me with amnesia - especially if I am around other people (making me think this has something to do with a literal assault on me, against myself I guess. (Should be noted that as I type this, I feel a sharp jab in my right rib area where I fractured a rib - likely to be the usual psychosomatic symptoms I've been experiencing lately, but who knows.) and I will come back to reality saying something that I had no conscious control saying at all - which is something beyond scary to experience. For example, the last time I dissociated - I don't remember dissociating to begin with, but as I came out of it I said, ""yeah, I used to experience suicidal and even homicidal ideation!""

This whole thing is paralyzing because of how oblivious I have been, all the while knowing deep down what really happened. I started having flashbacks over a decade later, and within a period of a very troubled and spacey 2? month . I'd also be very appreciative if you could share any experiences with dissociation and regression along with the (recognizable) triggers or feelings that cause them.

I should start off by saying I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, attachment disorder, and bipolar (all of which I probably do experience to an extent, but have never given me satisfaction). I never really knew what it was, but I always instinctively felt something else was affecting my psyche in profoundly disturbing ways. I took antidepressants, anti-psychotics, and benzos - all of which did next to nothing to mitigate my inner turmoil. I think benzos were great in the short term, but they really messed with me as I eventually started abusing them, leaving me running out and having severe anxiety (which led to increased dissociation and regression). These experiences are not new to me at all, but the sudden insight into the consistency and severity of them is breathtakingly mortifying. It explains the unending mindfulness (about seemingly random memories) and rumination that swirled around loosening screws in my head for years. There was always some kind of compulsion to alter my consciousness in any way possible, presumably trying to further bury repressed memories, but I'm going to elaborate shortly on why I feel as though I may have unconsciously gravitated towards substances that aided in dissociation. was so destructively insecure and pushing everyone away that most of my very close relationships ended abruptly and gradually, eventually leaving me with nobody. and to finally understand the answer to countless oddities in my personal life I always knew something was very wrong with how I thought"" ... Thank you",9.939025641025637,9.607476107189543,10.0762091503268,57.75832579185521,58.51633986928105,13.702362996480645,42.22976370035194,12.810131731412485,5.909502765208647,3502,173,529,112,39,1168,362,765,0.125,0.8290000000000001,0.046,-0.996,0,0,7,0,0,0,100.0,1,2,7,4,29,31,5,7,27,1,60,12,4,16,8,145,115,51,1,10,17,0,5,3,2,8,7,7,0,2,42,50,0,2,31,0,0,14,13,20,0,1,22,16,83,11,109,78,25,94,0,3,3,1,37,48,1,21,32,411,125,5,0.0,0.06483479152393086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388878226373795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375992829869356,0.1365954070131308,0.0,0.0,0.07442357203761711,0.0,0.04186099849477537,0.0,0.0,0.038261814629325284,0.0,0.04503027219117165,0.09742561317706397,0.0,0.0,0.051411669000749866,0.08415330480029888,0.0,0.10007124488243843,0.060434443663013974,0.0,0.0,0.05742574180792569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891849781525616,0.0,0.05587570293059201,0.06258562311786002,0.0,0.11242596198317308,0.0,0.14141048076979476,0.0,0.0,0.06137364354495532,0.04368983087837262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047130647929783415,0.11108022045769388,0.0,0.0,0.25085752992761146,0.0,0.0478862391496328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571191879137775,0.0,0.04846608146567867,0.05654085797971758,0.0,0.03614234461603543,0.0,0.0,0.05228773999121008,0.049179216789248456,0.3211626316381211,0.0,0.12315145071145504,0.08300491903025407,0.0,0.052540218359574106,0.05994358401881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455377598247849,0.0,0.057178358736073215,0.0,0.062197791511348015,0.0,0.0,0.06032949510050495,0.060280750703746125,0.0,0.09677823573254704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056158973944926666,0.0,0.0616739300356637,0.0,0.07335593540152367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698293353915423,0.15036465572727464,0.04460447447594781,0.06172705698463341,0.17382318331999508,0.0,0.0,0.038650675823808184,0.08020095120415001,0.054844271746447584,0.0,0.0,0.09190280143333428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095789863851038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804975562534233,0.05525206076078185,0.0,0.04367734532216955,0.0,0.04022583082983007,0.08114904842469674,0.08440757700579969,0.05284935667149904,0.058195824955352915,0.0,0.0,0.05250575263748297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925692057338822,0.0,0.15174509490805074,0.04777979086365254,0.0,0.0,0.051728517431641766,0.06168909140225636,0.052407070004827284,0.0,0.11799581175323165,0.052360085521597134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516597450401646,0.11252348336533873,0.0,0.11749858077362844,0.1239752173808236,0.046730969801591374,0.05205168380713003,0.17406360935299145,0.0,0.0,0.04360511815823186,0.04981544730897741,0.05708536892041347,0.12363707776308586,0.0,0.0,0.12301616881108668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948853589922937,0.0,0.0,0.116194259625635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059855296561369835,0.0,0.0,0.056875505099645986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037924327519274,0.0,0.0,0.03635383899509114,0.07012531642648848,0.0537625694586173,0.04344192913952149,0.03190793751032885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079643921667184,0.03715159717416621,0.0,0.0,0.2278636949702185,0.0,0.04726090408201744,0.06026685061738327,0.2257505318815852,0.0,0.08686910071019656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937669964666976,0.06109343411380275,0.0,0.05274856616329838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059828227662041114,0.0,0.035238179104608976
bpd,Shikidixi,2018/11/28,"Emotional impermanence (not about a relationship) All the help I see online for ep is for people worried their so doesnt love them. I dont need help with that. I need help making my life emotions permanent. Please.

I dont remember what passion feels like. I can never hang onto a hobby or learn a new skill because when Im not actively doing it I dont feel anything for it. I feel like the stress of this is coming to a conclusion thats saying 'life will never be more than 15 minutes of happiness a day'

Ill never remember or fulfill my dreams because I cant remember why I love them. Fuck at this point I dont even know what my goals in life ARE because nothing sounds interesting at all.

Tl;dr does anyone have coping mechanisms for emotional impermanence outside of the context of a relationship. 

Life has to be more than a couple seconds of happiness at a time; right? ",4.419461538461539,6.044028394117646,5.821764705882355,76.61486425339366,70.94117647058823,8.995475113122172,30.135746606334838,9.466822959209583,2.9215203619909507,697,29,126,16,13,235,99,170,0.155,0.6859999999999999,0.159,-0.0512,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,3,4,10,1,1,11,0,16,9,0,1,5,23,28,4,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,8,2,0,0,9,1,0,2,11,2,0,1,0,6,16,8,20,25,4,16,0,0,1,4,11,7,1,2,9,86,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890225587597898,0.0,0.08109096149096581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802092918884416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488446617895827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903389648248238,0.0,0.06355088281889773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623401516083566,0.0,0.4619579260024447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325365557080852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508549322130774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947608275756094,0.140795619377909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910996955202492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097977505488739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981501457794305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064413403147811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541556331501513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784100839117475,0.0962844464278648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787445125358026,0.0,0.06577697574533446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613401253492145,0.22800300476081606,0.09517164649764327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455288093983703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831601858518284,0.0,0.0,0.10816857973107273,0.09315322806013164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159261148382427,0.3348837045371046,0.08415359464247853,0.0,0.07836386921612501,0.0,0.0,0.07852452995101895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287854226641525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746013084090348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891805123008079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000733103786982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Monarch0122,2018/11/28,"Being self aware isn't enough And sometimes it feels like a curse. I am quite self aware,pretty analytical person in general. I know mostly what I'm doing and why I do it. Even before my diagnosis, I knew my behavior wasn't right. I started being very introspective and analyzing myself, life, and the world around me at too much of a young age (12/13) which in turn resulted in depression. 

""oh, damn I'm black and white thinking, I'm pushing people away, I'm doing X and Y"". But not really being able to change anything. 

But to actually not overthink, not overreact not whatever irrational thing I'm doing is something else. Do I not have the right tools or is this crap too deeply rooted?. Trying to change my thought patterns /behaviors feels like I'm at a constant war with myself. Bpd, anxiety depression and other life stuff are other wars but trying to combat my own mind is another battle. I'm just exhausted and frustrated at the end day(and exhaust the people I don't wear a mask around).",5.106984126984127,6.7091418941798935,6.157539682539685,74.96107142857146,69.2116402116402,9.421164021164019,29.37301587301588,9.784248007369934,2.9812476190476187,794,30,139,19,14,264,115,189,0.187,0.787,0.027000000000000003,-0.9805,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,7,12,6,0,8,0,17,6,2,2,0,32,32,12,2,0,10,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,11,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,3,4,14,2,15,26,4,18,0,2,2,0,3,12,2,2,7,88,23,0,0.13803188000769234,0.0,0.13469920354943896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473846140939245,0.10559401039601493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358847616793992,0.2457552753296365,0.0,0.0,0.12968549499886434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174549633582017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384632083465887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920388533480007,0.0,0.0,0.14916342556457107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901914351243848,0.0,0.2377733119810607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530792388244088,0.0,0.12225527565425172,0.14262383029528208,0.0,0.09116875493541614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958613185166385,0.19722000531513836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585871140670812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499199787418275,0.13487080862437742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937285034190994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146931395732364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913878515256253,0.1205241134849098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042804532443806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468138950681306,0.0,0.0,0.08842675684121698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357569426663805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879947089649484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626368485743587,0.13651705879364054,0.0,0.09769967511563213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801347877085087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170224769630894,0.08844525522589537,0.0,0.10958189441549276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742917174931167,0.15013904859622984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389075687425465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455230222141245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shumby222,2018/11/28,"Interested in meeting people This may sound odd to post here but I was wondering if anyone else is interested in meet ups? I see posts here that I sympathize with so much. I’m into the idea of just talking and getting to know others who face similar issues that are seemingly incomprehensible for people who don’t go through it. 

I wish there was an AA for this. I went to regular AA and it was cool but I still felt like an “other”.  Alcoholism is a daily struggle, and this is too. 

It sucks feeling like a scary, lonely, unpredictable creature who doesn’t know how to exist. I want to be with people who understand what anxiety, depression, and behavior issues are like. I feel like most people rather write someone off as an asshole. 

Sorry if this is written or formatted weird, I’m usually a creep but I made an account to post this because it’s 3 am and I’m curious if anyone else feels it. ",3.534827586206898,5.5734793793103465,5.142045977011495,78.85755172413795,74.17241379310343,8.548045977011496,28.266666666666666,9.21078282632365,2.6548073563218386,708,29,131,17,15,239,107,174,0.135,0.703,0.162,0.6187,0,2,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,1,1,8,1,14,2,1,2,0,34,35,15,0,6,9,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,19,8,1,0,10,0,1,2,2,5,2,0,7,7,9,7,18,26,2,12,0,2,1,0,8,5,1,8,6,91,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409339611209144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088379347522096,0.0,0.0,0.18441972928733666,0.27024245268907543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038960022090093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358349592867575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032879962387866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000394498454384,0.18842264074236995,0.12662040392543028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889909392273635,0.0,0.0749474376994236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488704976371885,0.0,0.2752858737281416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494978543100304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577092915037393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478304078501301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969430867806998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657012820057852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788985607451512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508707132933563,0.12005378464209032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173701525350434,0.0,0.0,0.14762294297967396,0.0,0.0,0.10531531509400488,0.0,0.0,0.13786408171347794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599589791991568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728622566626875,0.0,0.0,0.14524136379224015,0.0,0.0777831217024988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222491789199004,0.0,0.0,0.15164941021198355,0.0,0.14301249941410604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jz1230958,2018/11/28,"Getting over this bullshit Well, just found this sub after being plunged into research about myself and why I act so crazy with my emotions. Turns out after several weeks of research i have narrowed it down to bpd. Thought it was weird and not possible since Im a male. Later I come to find out men can have it to. After reading all these negative descriptions and how similar they were to what I struggle with I broke down in tears recollecting childhood memories that could have caused this to happen. Then it clicked for me all my life I was put down by family and by peers at school. Paranoia about relationships with people constantly ran through my head  I basically had to raise myself, but i did have shelter, food, and clothing. I ended up snapping and instead of sobbing about shitty circumstances I took a childhood photo of myself and held it to my chest and saying I love that little kid. At that point I was no longer sad I was straight pissed about all the negativity. I realized who i truly am. I ended up declaring that I love my damn self and everyone else can take that hater shit and go on somewhere else. I was determined to change my attitude and outlook if something doesn't feel right to me ill let it go, remove the person from my contacts, or resolve the issue no more passive aggressive bullshit. 

I hope everyone can get something from this rambling and realize you can choose your own mental image. Just gotta rip that shit outta you and say fuck it!",6.335135891286972,7.304565399280577,6.265707434052763,77.64881694644285,65.87050359712232,9.055475619504397,33.43005595523581,9.150863307647796,2.985512549960032,1183,50,208,20,18,373,172,278,0.23399999999999999,0.669,0.09699999999999999,-0.9924,1,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,1,1,10,17,7,1,5,0,21,11,5,2,3,43,40,19,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,5,20,20,1,1,9,1,0,8,6,12,1,0,13,4,35,5,41,23,5,37,0,3,1,3,16,18,6,3,11,155,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694457406456114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801094972024868,0.13182307577448352,0.10734228775643916,0.0,0.13466140772405275,0.0,0.09949261976863674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819483453101215,0.1401718369259605,0.22073866242991294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814439785721514,0.0,0.0,0.1174731949684908,0.0,0.06300762047652007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138931992256982,0.0,0.15068144246674814,0.13663073259794958,0.0,0.11520187581132045,0.1302093551371225,0.0,0.14163985295605228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019406594206133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127887962232082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376792946022885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460244842869226,0.13006265415005713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742431202917104,0.08801720941068164,0.0,0.12489405808293542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493456565688494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557968481506715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639033801407996,0.10880647668919144,0.0,0.0,0.11779870996409166,0.1404814161868412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252695756939246,0.0,0.0,0.12464581891938414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133786757527276,0.0,0.10641805006828076,0.0,0.19819308238025812,0.0,0.1261140950039231,0.0,0.0,0.1299975941807218,0.14077620031801627,0.2558250539315975,0.10308041444037892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186496071254355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302716200928132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369278886452972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892808580392166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844862496974436,0.0,0.13554217839792218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995630782076703,0.0,0.11204124061868123,0.0,0.11244303547551937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,juliasykoo,2018/11/28,"I’ve never felt like this before I’ve had the same FP for about two years now. He’s my best friend and we spent about 8 months apart because of my BPD but back in May we reconnected. 

This weekend he basically let his friend sexually assault me. I don’t want to go into details. 

I can’t believe he would do this to me, i’m so angry, i’m so heartbroken. I have to walk away from him and never look back but I don’t know if I can do that. Part of me thinks i’m just switching on him and I need to relax but the other part of me knows that isn’t true at all and I need to run. 

I don’t know what to do. I’m so hurt I can feel physical pain in my heart. ",-0.9683808724832232,0.7530820402684562,1.9009354026845635,98.02039639261746,87.65771812080538,5.067281879194631,16.69505033557047,6.322622252153567,-0.5860708053691277,500,11,131,5,16,175,86,149,0.182,0.708,0.111,-0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,2,0,15,2,1,0,4,28,31,11,0,5,5,0,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,6,2,1,3,7,3,0,1,3,3,21,6,19,25,5,18,0,1,1,0,10,7,0,2,9,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163261779474612,0.2672354070078101,0.0,0.10592802393757644,0.0,0.14786469624959436,0.19577825791443507,0.18235993846211893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21885608482914198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786287269937176,0.0,0.16684557630765962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26850713459615183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875697792835207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591720742125588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602340401490985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28649684098484585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769066696934294,0.0,0.0848947995895321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459222701026224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870082918180535,0.0,0.0,0.25769515571054924,0.26804286830108953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849025625887697,0.0,0.0,0.3763499799571184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134421590010786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974715055647194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249351103875133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344057532114495,0.0,0.0,0.11190159623060753
bpd,kharmatika,2018/11/28,"No Sleep and No Fuse Left Just struggling tonight. Got a new job with a pretty rough schedule, my shifts are 4 am to 1 pm. I’m not adjusting well as I also have a pretty bad intermittent insomnia issue, and also because I need my down time before I sleep and right meow that’s taken up by everyone killing around in my house at the time I need to wind down.
Just trying desperately to find a 9 to 5 and I am having bad disappointment fallacies where my husband (read, my perfect person), is to blame on my mind because he won’t let me spend $500 to get certified to do the work I think I want to do. I keep thinking he’s intentionally doing this to control me, and I know thats just my trauma from my last abusive relationship talking but what’s a bitch to do?",5.2622222222222215,4.936426757961783,6.696135881104034,78.12506723283795,68.04458598726114,9.52554847841472,31.45718329794763,9.150863307647796,2.5089722576079256,599,22,124,10,9,206,104,157,0.191,0.758,0.051,-0.9542,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,2,1,7,0,12,3,2,2,1,25,23,9,1,3,5,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,5,1,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,1,19,2,21,19,0,16,0,1,0,0,6,10,1,0,6,79,23,3,0.0,0.17639860880122354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381187720880276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253487997795818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486173793781836,0.18151189058992706,0.0,0.12668602495400816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698172514978007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226134417976993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607374148265114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778372304056641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190730402916153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178768080631746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539217528072596,0.14774055628514934,0.1323315000304117,0.16471380524141616,0.0,0.0818206258082159,0.1213571765857024,0.0,0.0,0.16175869668837115,0.1522400196986459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032649018398012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207854596459378,0.0,0.1437893571301311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999638680184225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029292308399001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892041891736274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984154261478545,0.0,0.1271428174160176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29797529857818805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564183705040655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196642088861802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079275137041693,0.0,0.0,0.1736264019438042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107983541286564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781335793069528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386111651082636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838650767719488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,breelena,2018/11/28,"should i write a book on my experience of being molested from my half brother for years? I want to advocate for what i’ve been threw. i was molested by my oldest brother, he is 5 years older. i had flashbacks as a kid but i didn’t fully remember/admit it until i turned 18. i was blackmailed by my bestfriend at the time to tell my parents, i first person i opened up to was an ex boyfriend who said “that’s just what kids do” .. i had all the signs and everyone missed them. i want to make parents and even children aware that this does happen, the warning signs and overall bring awareness to this issue. so many people are molested by their siblings or other children and never talk about it because they don’t realize it’s abuse but it is. 

let me know your opinions, i’m scared but i’m truly passionate about this.
since finding out about my trauma i’ve been diagnosed with ptsd, PBD and a mood disorder. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 14. ",2.438100328947371,4.7600678593750025,3.7770942982456153,85.98128289473685,78.73958333333334,6.958771929824562,26.251096491228072,8.032893268588372,1.7990270833333328,767,31,148,14,19,251,121,192,0.187,0.759,0.055,-0.981,2,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,1,3,1,6,9,3,1,8,0,17,3,0,1,2,28,29,13,0,3,5,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,5,13,10,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,7,0,2,11,1,23,1,25,15,1,17,0,2,0,1,20,6,0,2,9,103,36,1,0.0,0.20151229035148066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010770120188447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367677230385804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648623966924273,0.3452471907604612,0.0,0.0,0.1949218707249544,0.0,0.14883468428828833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123336170451256,0.0,0.0,0.16251493982273896,0.0,0.16636699719270026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544641473767745,0.1446665884269781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039767600272738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775151933244761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346934092425048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391426871851765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352707397696896,0.17243040492847786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311731229919934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776986192931676,0.0,0.0,0.11790930804966585,0.14850383356126853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988097834571216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178125623731335,0.0,0.1702757809678212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068865361027955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670067450999598,0.1486539509323785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917270368217347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499388743957296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063050383814607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190467806644972
bpd,Attais0,2018/11/28,"Should I tell this guy I'm seeing that I have bpd? I've been texting this guy who lives a few hours away for a bit and we've been taking things slow. We've met up once and we are currently planning on spending New Years together. 
There hasn't been any messaging on a sexual level and I've been careful of keeping my boundaries.
 I'm worried that if I don't explain my mental illness then it'll end out like many relationships, but if I do then he'll think it's too much to handle and leave.
I guess I'm just looking for a push in the right direction although I'm afraid of the risks ",3.1213888888888914,4.101173379032262,4.343010752688173,88.46507168458783,73.2741935483871,7.446594982078854,26.681003584229394,7.793537801064563,1.3486444444444443,465,16,102,6,9,153,83,124,0.07,0.902,0.028999999999999998,-0.5187,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,6,0,11,1,0,0,0,15,25,10,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,5,2,8,2,11,17,3,17,0,0,2,0,10,8,0,3,9,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321460392894417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257249002439546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121499624231837,0.0,0.244742526345306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812485314224185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721121556039174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140682644705084,0.3848198730864201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913686288200884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272286550700588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575958739532849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493621226634456,0.0,0.17159042593209098,0.0,0.16318205209071013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701262771707506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958314870232066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284947835082054,0.0,0.0,0.1876779888931877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206947239029233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862976132773486,0.0,0.16595044828844066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484996217182245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610641994930998,0.0,0.16984652739092512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909930831428462,0.12451408291710883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973440444179237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513739055933484
bpd,hhavanna,2018/11/28,"Apparent competence Is anyone else struggling with apparent competence? Like, trying so hard to keep your shit together and make everyone else think you have your shit together so they don't worry about you or patronize you or reject you... but on the inside you're freaking the fuck out? Not doing so well on the inside lately. ",5.625084745762713,8.101299644067801,6.012000000000004,72.97664406779663,69.50847457627118,10.143728813559322,28.749152542372883,10.355215969177356,3.647621016949152,265,10,41,8,5,85,42,59,0.255,0.6459999999999999,0.099,-0.8836,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,6,1,2,5,8,3,1,3,0,4,3,2,1,0,10,8,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,7,2,6,8,0,4,0,1,0,1,7,3,3,2,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663592621642152,0.24377725316338736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975034198412365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273428463715661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995329379943893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312967262333846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114743119783548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26838422994349137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623574048475895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588135107228352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884431165064812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872574101946826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244958992093238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153212684741455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139187382314548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416194051308947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jwaldron1994,2018/11/28,"A common issue? My Other half has pointed out quite a bit in the past 4 years that whenever I’m trying (TRYING) to be a normal individual and interact with people I “try to hard” to get on their wavelength with their interests etc. 

I thought this was just how interacting with other humans worked!? Is this an issue? And is it an issue that claims a place in the web of BPD related social fun? 

It’s quite interesting. Socialising is such a difficult task when you’re so focused on filtering what you say and ensuring you don’t say anything untoward? ",5.6725714285714295,6.698090542857145,7.117142857142857,70.75285714285717,67.3809523809524,10.571428571428571,31.190476190476193,10.608840637214634,3.5463333333333336,437,17,77,12,7,150,75,105,0.037000000000000005,0.82,0.14300000000000002,0.9024,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,3,5,4,0,0,9,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,10,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,9,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,7,3,12,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,4,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168470437080702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879696442380028,0.0,0.2168473898443164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201975598683166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995391832782185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542342734093723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5391154279165197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869416943744864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435976505466007,0.11936391823533313,0.0,0.1798854037000088,0.0,0.1627602797675117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662569306678644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738396842039225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550992435626675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668709043773825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35068495967632896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534487522983995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087454607882452
bpd,The_Eastern_Isles,2018/11/28,"How to Get Mom Help My mother has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and medicated for it for a very long time. The whole time it has seemed that her therapy and medication have helped barely at all. 
As a now 21 year old woman who understands mental health a bit more I am very concerned that she is suffering from more than depression and needs different help. 
BPD seems incredibly likely to me. I know I cannot diagnose her but what I want is for her therapist not to just see her depression diagnosis and miss other things that are happening. Her too. What can I do to start a conversation with her so she will hopefully start one with her therapist?
I want to so badly so she can get help but I am so scared she won't hear me, as I am the person she most often splits on, often to the point of verbal abuse and ignoring everything I have said. 
I just want my momma to feel better. ",3.463996212121213,5.430814528409091,4.9428181818181836,80.52339393939396,74.17045454545455,9.466060606060607,24.23333333333333,9.888512548439397,2.415733787878788,711,22,140,21,15,238,106,176,0.177,0.7240000000000001,0.099,-0.9596,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,0,1,7,0,17,5,0,1,1,29,36,14,0,5,5,3,1,1,0,2,5,2,0,2,10,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,2,4,26,3,20,32,7,11,0,5,1,0,25,3,0,6,9,105,36,0,0.0,0.1427673626551588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060863803086337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656840219063957,0.13154978462165454,0.0,0.151759756451252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113475718980476,0.2446006186669864,0.0,0.12589206203610664,0.13809818427785575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829350898515268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609261020655365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590776164810602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106553697121515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808099101959586,0.13580708950873252,0.0,0.3230621456849184,0.0,0.0,0.11967913477297686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662211285951626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058867973078031176,0.0,0.0,0.10663465008433314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427729067451353,0.12143103701641735,0.0,0.0,0.14112277317832467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934582307782603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643966803268725,0.0,0.08165081132742301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521194823771296,0.0,0.0,0.11390711428525235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461873238477625,0.0,0.12063693053372462,0.0,0.09601924478186248,0.2193889997830763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057454917341938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377970077879042,0.2798089268916725,0.08005179925354927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052369041500928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543997601870185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884267256623828,0.2132139522447052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452882717691686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775950963562246
bpd,thegoldinthemountain,2019/05/16,"Never felt BPD until I hit 28 and now I can’t feel anything else. I’m undiagnosed. I’m confused and my emotions are erratic right now. Trying to get some answers? Help? Support? 

My mom has BPD. She was a teenage mother who had two abusive marriages and I was her co-parent. I helped raise my siblings. I was a model student, a model musician, a fucking gold star everything. Went to the prestigious university, worked since I was 14. My whole existence was to prove my mom didn’t fuck up by getting pregnant as a teenager. Im an accountant. I married a doctor. Im “the responsible one.” I’m supposed to have my shit together. 

Except last October I vol admitted to a psych hospitalization program because I was so suicidal my husband refused to let me drive. I was high all of the time and had panic attacks around the clock. Spent 33 days in PHP before moving to IOP for 3 months and have been unemployed and trying to fix myself ever since. 

I feel at a loss. I still feel like my spouse doesn’t really accept or like me. I’m not always sure I like him either. I feel incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship. We got into a fight last night and I feel like a ruiner. I’m unable to meet anyone’s needs. I’ve spent all day in bed fantasizing about SH or SI or some way to disappear. 

What is wrong with me? What was all of that therapy for? **Why did I just break down at 28 and why can’t I be put back together now?**",0.6176356275303618,3.112775800000001,3.0347368421052643,86.32085020242916,91.0,6.291497975708502,22.74628879892038,7.61054688173877,1.4544952766531716,1113,44,220,24,39,381,174,285,0.16,0.754,0.086,-0.9734,3,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,1,0,0,2,10,16,5,2,16,0,23,4,1,0,7,40,46,14,1,1,7,5,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,12,0,1,10,0,3,5,6,9,0,2,18,6,33,7,29,25,7,33,0,1,0,2,18,10,3,6,20,135,37,6,0.0,0.12952947561380265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096521083711744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644094580206569,0.0,0.08996323434642907,0.0973203452155804,0.0,0.12437030816559855,0.0,0.08406237751167785,0.0,0.06664207888475164,0.0,0.09302553172843377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753761266836538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100814341918724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118963749832965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132505451432513,0.1229732781552714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888860487717163,0.0,0.0,0.09825215770852927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763841085586096,0.15620026040086596,0.1049668977533208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213407527273114,0.11423315552434155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743531807608647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655334924941024,0.1155053925985232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23617446548475024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782251181224582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178982676230613,0.0,0.2136381184448336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560747564008249,0.08726030427190291,0.11619268653917222,0.0,0.08106136722233702,0.08431637497713998,0.0,0.0,0.10259191075918116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407986375869692,0.0,0.0,0.12826658671364666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989946849550612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003489540998373,0.0,0.0,0.11737162405586295,0.0,0.09336095437417068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221813955693112,0.180865668244513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730521755278475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958124633502056,0.12405805911962965,0.10303531333903096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501998935870487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374692223858483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484458201244856,0.0,0.10679235368831744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677523901562295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134320114528887,0.1972933933291871,0.12205484583514692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958819856033393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952716703202475,0.0,0.0
bpd,gingerdemontor,2019/05/16,"What’s the difference between a favorite person and a crush? I’ve had intense FP-style glitter exploding in tummy feelings in conjunction with my crushes all my life. Never realized that for most people, the people they *like* don’t make them take a shaving razor to their wrists at 3am when they're worried they looked at them funny that one time and loathe them. I’m fine. 

Disclaimer: I’m mature enough to know this is an inappropriate reaction and have worked through this, I try to date and put myself out there, etc. I’m in a better place for now.

Anyways, then it happened with a gender I’m not primarily attracted to (although I think I have been in the past). I had no idea what FPS were and just thought it was another stupid crush thing. And uh yeah the thoughts did get sexual after a short time, so I thought ding it must be infatuation. But was I just simulating it as a way to get closer to these people emotionally?  

So what’s the difference? Is sexuality even real/tangible the way colors or field mice are? Do you people with platonic FPs have sexual thoughts?

I had obsessive thoughts about this for a year. Am I gay am I straight am I asexual am I lying to myself etc. etc. It wasn’t a good time, but most times aren’t for me. And now I just need clarity. 

Thanks.",1.5492780337941596,4.172225888888892,3.2200051203277016,86.4554608294931,85.74603174603175,6.58494623655914,23.208397337429595,7.831003766801068,1.4572297491039428,1012,38,200,21,31,334,146,252,0.073,0.821,0.105,0.8245,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,6,2,12,8,1,1,16,1,24,3,1,1,3,35,44,16,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,15,11,0,0,10,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,14,3,24,6,26,28,7,27,0,0,2,1,8,11,0,3,14,139,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596756649025415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624588666228643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510221318856286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513092536783908,0.0,0.1241271784353085,0.4019326264433065,0.07934522784982066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060741717073416475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552671804196228,0.0,0.0,0.10075997411285452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062312260961575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356129951623593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602071888798876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485190189982797,0.05868981674791773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087957487585683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018820891530189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907542946448703,0.09265224075702358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140370567495561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467839461017867,0.3331341466217441,0.10489353784234788,0.1255110659428143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076458477816727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673509425213126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903233740615454,0.0,0.0,0.11060025515882528,0.0,0.0,0.07980953280494762,0.07697493437423325,0.0,0.4768519865589725,0.2801968271700461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156089412807788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907083965410886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745661725173927,0.12199860860982333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736026480217566
bpd,itsmisscherry,2019/05/16,"Does anyone else get called slow a lot? I also have add which could add to my problem, but I had a friend who lost his cool and he goes off about how slow I am when he gets mad but aside from that (yes ik our relationship is toxic and we shouldn’t be friends) I get called slow or treated like I am a looooot. 

I noticed that when I’m manic I have a hard time expressing my thoughts and making sense but slow??? How?",3.0841287878787886,3.6299743068181836,3.673181818181821,94.8506060606061,72.97727272727272,6.775757575757575,23.75757575757576,6.42735559955562,0.2977212121212123,321,8,78,2,6,101,61,88,0.129,0.754,0.11599999999999999,0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,6,8,1,0,4,2,9,0,0,3,0,18,16,12,0,3,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,12,5,4,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,2,8,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438328820888047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524733085108731,0.22342924491227845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44532928580278813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741039500306483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082663449243115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216196915971056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33694674693381205,0.0,0.34178358826565164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533980797920286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065335809281722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380393206418052,0.18538764862886534,0.0,0.0,0.14555739849480076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482638728594839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865490962029065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23411588720306226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311606174896552,0.12715311197575113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throw_me_away-plz,2019/05/16,"I want to scream at a friend who is abandoning me I want to scream at my friend who I feel has abandoned me (they haven't replied back to me in weeks even during breakdowns). I recognize that they have their own shit going on, but not a single message after this long sends a pretty clear message. I want to text them ""you wouldn't even notice if I fucking died, let alone care."" but I know that isn't going to help the situation at all and would only push them further away, but I just want to die so bad, and I don't have anyone I can go to anymore. I just want a reply. I want to be acknowledged. This person and I were so close, and now I don't think they give a single fucking shit if I live or die.",3.2478523489932885,3.7203100604026846,4.3176442953020135,90.64572818791949,72.55704697986577,7.033825503355705,23.6248322147651,6.742157984588678,0.5240652348993295,545,13,125,4,10,178,83,149,0.26,0.619,0.121,-0.983,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,6,0,9,12,4,0,6,0,14,4,2,0,2,30,30,12,3,10,9,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,6,5,0,2,4,0,0,5,6,9,0,0,1,3,26,3,15,25,4,18,0,2,0,2,17,8,4,3,5,90,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136433571106738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536318406909748,0.0954382365635918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282385343130593,0.10495376511734196,0.1139649474482007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916248156858838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42497080139120735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030308645028711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901435260452053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090644426403754,0.2523689299108656,0.0,0.1309353669039225,0.2327142974333757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148757297606552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501232089031078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395721078539508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052475551352045,0.12079094331135147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539681311806294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380816055249564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917937054426175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138861225066161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802137319831837,0.0,0.15342249621298565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745843085391004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830383819595472,0.0,0.10948548478448128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695985493289347,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yikessssswwwww,2019/05/16,"My fp (also my fwb) has a good relationship with their ex n i hate how bad it gets to me      So my good ol pal is a great person so sweet, so kind, hilarious, absolute cutie i adore them so much. We only know each other for about half a year now and been sleeping together since day1. When they were picking me up one day after work they metion how their ex wanted to hang out with him that night but he already made plans with me, he still offered her to join us but in the end she refused because she only wanted to sleep with them then go back home. Their ex is married (open relationship) but they still fool around apparently. When i asked how recently they slept together they just gave me a very vauge answer of a few months which kills me cus i hate not knowing exactly how long. Its been a few months this that convo itself but the constant worry he still sleeps with her or he still wants to n im annoying n clingy n always there so he cant because hes dealing with me lmao. Just i dont know i hate that i made something that is suppose to be no pressure n fun like fwb into me feeling so jealous n possesive. 
Sorry for how badly this is written im just a mess rn lol",1.4839814814814822,3.5623567037037063,3.023770576131689,91.4173842592593,80.72839506172839,5.860699588477368,21.647633744855966,6.996647511020387,0.5104102880658439,921,28,199,11,24,302,147,243,0.188,0.659,0.153,-0.9338,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,10,2,26,19,6,1,9,1,12,4,4,8,1,40,30,21,1,3,9,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,11,13,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,11,0,2,8,2,35,8,22,21,4,27,0,0,0,0,35,6,0,1,20,127,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197529082826205,0.08678223788946812,0.09029611920377346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660450859915692,0.10145018674327873,0.0,0.0,0.08344405944310568,0.18121689752941972,0.13230379050601662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726999071172794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998548131593157,0.11187785055535504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718292164061298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611521715976937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054870234857420166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669645864240817,0.0,0.06167358756045412,0.18204040683003814,0.0,0.11964207436143873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321418777199379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885294450643623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443729192783644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005968706117648,0.11300536098415565,0.1789168560938693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301667756288318,0.0,0.0,0.0960354937490068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536573439050085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732369279152648,0.0,0.07977361380822998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183729931480544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353497174356206,0.16506648065721685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475420409137922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714896728838036,0.2330166018273922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897676583684276,0.0,0.32579073484603005,0.0,0.0,0.0835428744617496,0.0,0.12147762190753147,0.0,0.0,0.3466521875213823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053444307453124,0.0,0.0,0.08953916115994445,0.19202114098750891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900279016871277,0.11020584582106173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988238236988058
bpd,Ashes_of_Roses,2019/05/16,"Setting boundaries? I have a few mental illnesses besides this and they've been under control a while, though I have my bad days/ moments. My biggest problem is my family. They tried to be there during my episodes so I feel I owe them because I caused them stress. My brother is bipolar and it manifests as violence. He's institutionalized right now so there is extra stress and I understand their need to vent. But when it's not about him, it's always some other negative thing, about my baby sister and her behavioral issues, my parents marriage. It's. Always. Something. Everything is negative and it's having an affect on my wellness. But I don't know how to distance myself without guilt. Any tips?",2.8276832579185545,5.839597569230772,3.9123529411764686,80.63323529411767,84.84615384615384,6.135746606334842,27.64705882352941,7.510576382923642,2.197049773755656,564,26,91,10,17,182,89,130,0.198,0.767,0.035,-0.9724,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,1,11,6,0,3,3,0,10,2,0,4,0,19,15,14,0,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,1,1,22,1,9,13,3,10,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,5,75,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305467115006555,0.0,0.0,0.13507299147035914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584502765706272,0.12108101449006645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040443718063479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227767736507596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809781254034786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851290251254082,0.0,0.18724760908198168,0.0,0.10043164563062933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207314707214588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091600593974605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016903206895267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727920772408784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055148409463127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005896092897107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962614700142425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291256515866633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455052509286976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195877730826472,0.0,0.1951497593326459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348545153323185,0.0,0.0,0.20677743680160984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858928949752562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146908519380448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,latortoise69,2019/05/16,"My Ex is convinced I have BPD I have cheated on her 3 times, and at some points I completely forget about and show no empathy. Other times, I feel so fucking bad I wish I could never face her again due to all the pain I caused. She said when we first met I was the most passionate and caring person she’s ever met, but overtime she said noticed something wrong. I would get mad about random comments or actions and not talk to her for days. Then I would be completely infatuated with her, thinking that I could marry her. She was the most concerned because when we broke up I lied about the whole cheating incident, and she said my ability to lie was far to believable. I didn’t lie because I don’t care about her, I just didn’t  have the courage to tell her. She’s convinced BPD, but none of the traits became clear until now. I’m not narcissistic, I have just noticed I feelings about her that go up and down so drastically that I feel really lost. I don’t know what to think...",4.097602040816327,5.215232739795923,4.800612244897959,85.58010204081633,71.09183673469387,7.8448979591836725,27.775510204081634,8.192908349453996,1.6857489795918368,771,27,159,11,14,248,111,196,0.161,0.703,0.13699999999999998,-0.7255,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,2,14,15,4,0,6,0,17,4,1,1,4,37,36,15,0,5,7,1,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,5,9,0,0,6,1,0,2,9,9,0,1,11,6,37,6,20,20,6,22,0,2,0,2,26,7,1,5,13,115,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052412858329763,0.16138408010843155,0.0,0.0,0.14913661599772526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334328972954128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26992180229536505,0.13598132367800653,0.0,0.0,0.2775766304235779,0.0,0.0,0.21137470133450303,0.0,0.0,0.08536824591283204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973700999714827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079203348438426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259457531763913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237471557899668,0.06915830444778284,0.0,0.07522940315892211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274755602533457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444984168873604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209255804651074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014101746030617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085191464850344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155811183126942,0.0,0.0,0.12513323698859313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480015449980631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777449659619713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190554551050833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639467315465834,0.11569795525363348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963578843897606,0.0,0.0,0.15437301142734408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778732407152326,0.15221994199993594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880649044109255,0.14472674188922888,0.0,0.0
bpd,RobertMosesHwyPorn,2019/05/16,"Realizing you did wrong too soon? You ever just do/say something, and mere seconds after say, sending that message, you realise it was dumb. There was a better way of handling that and now you want to apologise but apologising too soon after makes it seem planned, manipulative and insincere almost? 

Like, if you knew, why did you do it?",5.285901639344259,7.5104061147540975,5.804065573770496,75.17986885245901,69.81967213114754,8.158688524590165,31.872131147540983,8.841846274778883,2.8900859016393445,267,12,45,5,5,86,44,61,0.115,0.745,0.14,-0.3463,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,0,2,8,5,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,14,9,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,5,1,6,2,4,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,0,1,3,7,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131377624474599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276569999468877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828675923594784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527761977119612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087389318666916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973652306681274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28468295623377743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407424096135629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844467385794986,0.24821770887814334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282175621896866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419035186298109,0.0,0.0
bpd,The_Silver_Foxx,2019/05/16,"How to help uBPD boyfriend when he's splitting? Just wanted to ask for some advice on what I can do to help my partner when he's splitting.  
We're long distance at the moment due to university, so I can't be physically with him rn.  


When he splits, he feels very negatively about himself, a burden, worthless, ugly etc (and he's none of those things). But I don't know what I can do to help him when he splits. I offer phone call, distractions (memes), and validation through text, but I know its not working :(  


I just wish there was a way I could help him out of that feeling.

What helps you guys?  
Those with supportive SO, what do they do that works for you?

Or is it something to ride out like a bad trip? :/",2.5969483568075127,4.307303647887324,3.4010563380281686,91.75515258215964,75.90140845070422,6.423474178403758,23.805164319248824,7.1686216300943375,0.6874769953051638,546,17,121,6,12,173,90,142,0.1,0.7190000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.9103,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,1,2,11,6,0,1,4,0,12,0,0,1,0,21,20,12,0,3,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,2,16,2,18,17,3,14,0,1,0,0,24,4,0,2,8,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835673690751637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561680600130988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568490594212327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918184894717243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998500107953347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950528559603795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899678196667348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860035903906289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6295681299967036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647773267296304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177528279918816,0.0,0.0,0.1662436237563328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446180953246287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317288397973624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248009083876552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499805372204276,0.11080031999772766,0.14910863582956316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602119857340016,0.0,0.0,0.2735178341214875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwthepuppyaway,2019/05/16,I got called manipulative and it broke my heart and I cannot forget it or move on from it. It’s haunting my thoughts. I didn’t mean to be manipulative and didn’t fully understand the gravity of my words until WEEKS later. I just got so emotional and I feel like when I get emotional I lose all my intelligence and just say anything that I immediately regret when I come to my senses. I don’t want to be abusive and be a leech. Therapy hasn’t helped and medication hasn’t either. I feel hopeless.,2.2216000000000022,4.524677960000002,4.712,79.09100000000002,79.4,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,2.0942000000000003,396,15,79,10,10,139,61,100,0.177,0.6940000000000001,0.129,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,9,2,1,2,1,24,19,12,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,5,3,16,1,7,11,2,8,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,54,21,0,0.0,0.23882781505532505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658751615603569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058257878513903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173634943802806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534788578868391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038399752651594,0.14400184485359105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053121492674616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322428325689198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238861746593676,0.135108306524121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847705473778927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22550557823018474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956912200583284,0.0,0.2030608459603556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142373025140367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029677324972358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23051317667496046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600242828628616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984176520442568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889137079812208,0.0,0.1616875162058741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,destructive-,2019/05/16,I feel like my whole existence is a red flag Nothing about me is normal. I’m the crazy girl you should stay away from. I feel like I should never get close to anyone because at first I’m normal and “”quirky”” and then I’m a deranged demon. I just wish I could have a long lasting relationship but I hope the people that I have really liked in the past find healthy relationships and avoid girls like me with 2000 red flags. They deserve better.,3.642191558441557,5.298249875000003,4.062857142857143,88.32500000000002,72.97727272727273,6.846753246753247,22.798701298701296,7.447530270364453,0.7575110389610384,351,9,72,4,7,110,62,88,0.048,0.695,0.257,0.9612,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,2,2,7,0,1,6,0,7,0,0,0,1,19,15,5,0,7,2,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,12,6,7,12,1,11,1,0,2,0,6,4,0,1,10,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811940234134522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215159211760808,0.0,0.0,0.11169594028320398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205296329955796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629507446940074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852942369230478,0.2618005808031308,0.0,0.0,0.16746984953284155,0.15585622760859516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573065495056364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198976466207706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935775176821495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580697199032032,0.0,0.0,0.1621537029866013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131907260320692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590550278807261,0.1758151230558992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491475911991394,0.12702933104582478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173824950596472,0.0,0.0,0.3934431257511691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952999072052968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045709107492685,0.2107066513638024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pbremo,2019/05/16,"My mom hid my bpd diagnosis from me? Long story short, I spent a lot of time in the mental ward of the hospital as a teenager. Nobody ever told me what, if anything, I was diagnosed with. There was mention of conduct disorder and antisocial behavior but that's it. I also think I remember self depressive disorder? I was never medicated and this last fall I decided to talk to someone about my mental health and my physical health so I saw a primary. This morning I finally saw a psychologist and he asked me what I was diagnosed with as a kid and I told him I had no idea. He diagnosed me with agoraphobia with panic attacks, gad, major depressive disorder and an ""undetermined mood disorder."" After I left I called my bipolar mom to ask about the meds I got put on and tell her about my appointment and I asked her what the diagnosis was from my last stint in the hospital (circa 2012, I was 16 i think?) And she fucking told me bpd. She said she didnt tell me because she was ANGRY that they would diagnose me with that??? I'm just pissed because ive spent my whole life not trusting doctors and not knowing what's wrong with me and having to learn how to change my behavior when I didnt even know the root cause of it. If my parents would have listened I couldve got help and saved myself and everyone around me a LOT of trauma from my actions.",4.427706766917293,5.627327560150377,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,70.39097744360902,9.810526315789474,30.917293233082706,10.064110947511567,3.1644090225563914,1065,45,206,28,19,361,138,266,0.17,0.7909999999999999,0.038,-0.9894,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,12,11,3,1,13,0,15,12,1,3,2,45,35,22,0,4,6,3,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,2,11,20,0,0,8,0,2,3,6,8,0,0,20,4,49,2,29,13,4,18,0,2,2,1,29,6,2,5,9,147,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168678572424103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737678419315222,0.07980050844925042,0.2514098959286782,0.101980873635617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092900311304454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22580227058856214,0.0,0.09153464593990844,0.0,0.0,0.092087169242117,0.0948294963469137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441728497018106,0.363939534260612,0.0,0.0,0.4109506275349621,0.09175252715673173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920778700496088,0.08108644632892201,0.0,0.08565690480956778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819858098871156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287271251428227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339001415248984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057080261424847,0.0,0.0,0.060085235821641984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119506302099436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852994988515296,0.1461406144120721,0.0,0.0,0.0973964457052128,0.0,0.06331689341367497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793304716464593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242108093820855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995722074341172,0.09030502364776392,0.1806763829845654,0.0,0.0,0.20997557824663646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913754342803373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517573498249562,0.09953698630657616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901151084577096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015470681628223,0.0,0.08527020150028622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935163006176384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595349300109806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205095529480711,0.15670236026877915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487812544382893,0.0,0.0,0.0522710518077724,0.0,0.0,0.2569707144287033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008224626375738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735840637939388,0.09800960612629464,0.0,0.0
bpd,mj24x,2019/05/16,Dae feel like scared they’re gonna go crazy Okay so I’ve been feeling scared that I’m gonna do something terrible or have a breakdown because It’s hard for me to control my anger.  The other day I was fired over some bullshit and I threw everything around the store and had the cops come to my house. I still just have this anxiety that I’m gonna just go crazy on everyone one day. Idk do you guys experience the same thing lmk!,2.896571428571427,4.241396911111114,3.5842857142857163,92.265,74.33333333333333,7.365079365079365,25.079365079365076,7.957251820313856,1.1009365079365074,342,11,78,5,7,108,66,90,0.298,0.64,0.062,-0.9705,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,2,5,1,7,0,0,1,0,12,18,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,4,0,1,4,4,7,2,6,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693362209046601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705317297653954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493615408888626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906780159011004,0.0,0.0,0.24826882383967824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28551175003264795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115145029534368,0.19893989674378484,0.21652798664203912,0.0,0.0,0.22384781077840768,0.1581362913559862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516026693549163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191765772692968,0.0,0.0,0.19829089627863625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554143300751895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814303272105684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999609973623468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432306004075777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041014680356378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677465177578394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470586448522848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fameisdeaddd,2019/05/16,"Can’t separate my paranoid thoughts and reality? To make a longish story short I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost nine months and we’ve had the toughest of rough patches the past few months. My bpd has gotten progressively worse and it has caused him to completely clam up emotionally and sexually. He said it has to do with the constant reassurance and the mood swings and what not, but the real crush to me on all of this is that he has been emotionally confiding into a female friend who he is known a few years. I asked him about it and finally got a real answer last night and essentially he is like it’s gonna stay the same until things change cause I can’t confide in you right now. There isn’t any like pet names being traded and they don’t talk about sensitive issues and it is literally platonic as I’ve seen the messages but it still hurts me. She lives like six hours away and they’ve never met and so I’m not as concerned with that but I’m like going off the deep end and don’t want to cause any more turmoil where it isn’t needed. He’s the nicest and most caring man I’ve ever been with and when things are good they are amazing, he’s been nothing but supportive and caring and loving with me this whole time and I just need advice on what I should do. I’m extremely lost in my emotions and I don’t want to end something if it can be salvaged. I am genuinely working on myself but that info was hard as hell to hear last night. Anyone faced anything similar and come back from it?",5.158348576358931,5.528450367213114,5.681673856773081,82.91928386540123,68.27868852459017,8.781708369283868,27.855910267471966,8.6894789155246,1.8229672131147558,1202,36,248,18,19,388,172,305,0.085,0.762,0.153,0.9784,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,3,11,17,1,1,13,0,30,2,1,4,3,57,54,32,0,6,9,0,2,4,1,2,0,2,1,1,19,26,0,0,4,0,1,2,10,4,0,2,13,5,20,12,30,37,7,38,1,2,1,1,24,13,1,3,26,159,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032023457044733,0.0,0.0,0.10575467215888164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436388973502533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384602369257688,0.0,0.08690927441177368,0.0,0.09873250575946048,0.0,0.09922549058074412,0.08120873252217074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301400029839516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21535594707231065,0.3254763397672345,0.11172297446351698,0.09097496476553543,0.11073165935776806,0.11412852361382812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35639620298742897,0.18708090219316295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553165756994272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569224744187402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159519098858081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002145520370417,0.08858192425649741,0.0844671726973869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460716914335834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903184788149873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400606396889436,0.0,0.11305930623982782,0.0,0.0,0.1102309781720082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217495358525114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638579743852928,0.0,0.09325689861487634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528743937911018,0.0,0.09531851152463716,0.0,0.07049650330838328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685962000881019,0.0,0.0,0.1566191935917049,0.0814541075977348,0.0,0.0,0.19821849646408995,0.0,0.10133709262948573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081813691057312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041804037546086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019165286793572,0.10046073122506337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130490045158098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256781807501663,0.08434148866476084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984669049916055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488653160220777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032718948411074,0.0,0.0,0.08384374237257446,0.06158292104533562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245848103198519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791147980657912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688643743046293,0.0,0.10762715178649084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801035011674013
bpd,cassiedenisee,2019/05/16,"Anyone have luck with gabapentin? I was on gabapentin a few years ago, and I'm just starting it again. I think I did good on it, but I was on 5 or 6 different meds so I can't say for sure. I weaned off my meds ~2 years ago but I'm back in a bad spot and need some help getting back to where I want to be. Currently I'm takint cymbalta and really hoping the gabapentin will work for me. What were your experiences with it? Did you have any side effects?",1.002290950744559,2.730558690721651,2.3597250859106538,97.34091638029786,80.64948453608247,6.3729667812142035,21.087056128293238,7.3871296695380915,0.32869392898052663,351,10,87,5,9,113,66,97,0.075,0.7829999999999999,0.142,0.6637,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,17,19,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,11,4,11,12,2,16,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,9,53,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739073005741347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434219364845006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746896439679485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243442797915917,0.17609601123049926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034976721720664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063045586897116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101886231796037,0.0,0.0,0.17689624953623764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136449003819293,0.0,0.0,0.20947523665486312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685335468328526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638262650255294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511048809483786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167719307481435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149278920353068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987745022641459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513875245589946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439662989793793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354060702349076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716304927055206
bpd,ivyellenugh,2019/05/16,"I feel like there’s no point in me having a relationship with my parents anymore because they just see me as a burden. I’ve always felt like I’m the black sheep of the family and that out of the three of us, I’m the least wanted sibling. My brother is from my dads first marriage and lives in the next county from us, but we’ve always got on so well. My younger sister and I also get on well, but it’s well known that she’s the favourite child. 
My parents have always helped my brother - rather begrudgingly - because he had 4 kids at a young age and got into loads of debt, so my mother paid it off for him. (Bare in mind she isn’t even his real mom.) I don’t think they liked the fact that he had kids so young but it wasn’t their choice to make, it was up to him and his partner at the time. However, I’m now also in debt and their response is totally different, saying that I’m disrespecting their house because they have debt companies calling the house phone about my debts. They have my mobile number - I can’t help that they choose to call the house instead.
I got pregnant at 18, and I was so excited. I’d always wanted kids, and it might have been a bit younger than I expected, but I really loved my baby. My mom was supportive at first, but when i told my dad he said “what have I done to deserve such stupid f*ing children?” And my mom pretended that this was the first she was hearing about it. I was pressured by them and my ex boyfriend to get an abortion, and I will always hate them for it because that was not their choice to make. I had a low income job and they said “you’re on your own because we aren’t helping you” despite the fact that I would have been a single mom.
My sister got pregnant when she was 17 and is still with her partner - she got a totally different reaction. “Oh we’re so excited, oh our first grandchild” - just casually forgetting that I was OLDER than her when they forced me to get a termination. They gave her money to put down a deposit on a house, and gave me my mom’s old car “to make it fair”. I was really grateful for being given the car, however my mom is now turning it around and saying that they gave my sister the money to make it fair because I got the car. 
I recently got back together with my ex boyfriend (we broke up a week ago bc he kissed another girl on a night out). My parents have always made it known that they don’t like my boyfriend - they have never approved of any of the men I’ve been with, but this one is worse than the others. They absolutely hate him and when my dad found out that I was still talking to him he threatened to kick me out of the house. I always struggle keeping my bedroom tidy because I just don’t have the energy or motivation to keep things tidy. I’ve always thought it comes as part of my illness, and I’ve told my mother that, but again she just says “you’re disrespecting us and our house” and that “the only reason you still live with us is because I’ve been making allowances for your illness”.
The way they are with me just winds me up so much. I’m 22 this year. I’m closer to being 30 than I am to being 10, yet they still treat me like I’m a child and don’t give a shit about my right to make my own decisions. I wish I wasn’t in so much debt so that I could move out, but I’d honestly rather be homeless than live with them anymore.",4.983782608695653,4.691080791304351,5.6224275362318865,85.4766847826087,68.6231884057971,8.697101449275364,28.69927536231884,8.158263871857827,1.6527362318840573,2606,79,572,31,40,847,260,690,0.096,0.7909999999999999,0.113,0.871,15,0,0,0,1,1,59.0,8,4,21,6,41,25,4,2,36,0,54,5,1,10,5,92,106,45,0,8,17,21,2,5,2,3,2,6,1,10,33,37,0,4,11,2,9,6,12,9,3,6,41,10,108,16,74,57,10,67,0,2,2,2,106,30,1,2,35,389,141,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542238099327621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195540693246611,0.34109538420492,0.0,0.0,0.034845887372561765,0.05373104215158248,0.0,0.0,0.10163533615363844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561568130934121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940144904114394,0.0,0.2498900985576968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055942302443885095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464633168631064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413990130002947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04091206278958357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707264675443516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052437710073706296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033844440286583385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830580137320813,0.0,0.02590917528508217,0.03660684352844503,0.049199748987112435,0.0,0.0,0.17434352573241746,0.0,0.05618351515954567,0.0,0.0,0.08031449959126151,0.049155389337203835,0.0,0.0,0.2868768207709546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118048470802583,0.0,0.0,0.057752745830574916,0.0,0.10303802652008208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35475395315565433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084915105434108,0.09109136453103132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516972048495495,0.0,0.13574120015378946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624733520487275,0.048485821353775084,0.2052240661625229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543589938280038,0.05173917439488135,0.3600796252871435,0.0,0.054461464844850635,0.07533660275566967,0.0,0.03952050192173366,0.0,0.054495776174853836,0.04808655267036572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537691959765069,0.0,0.034722477085039616,0.038971369378612265,0.0,0.0,0.17069242542761093,0.05548940809509785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048439655421578166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151172778777215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832389493235372,0.06565306488541743,0.052684660528455635,0.05059466908249912,0.0550140526714337,0.0,0.04375984828284723,0.09748455022173234,0.12224757750360722,0.0,0.0,0.04083273604338665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052598527880444064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368569066246835,0.0,0.0,0.053568603513826016,0.0,0.0,0.0581480971540005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411858705994546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034042488004819224,0.032833399570334716,0.0,0.040679922465356656,0.029879253745404007,0.0,0.0,0.09792664602438436,0.0,0.0,0.05573589404066319,0.0,0.0,0.24654822602066934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604469729136343,0.04067301281875094,0.04110273456752698,0.0,0.13821643098373715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058925044346464575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221933165132385,0.03640039763131715,0.0,0.0,0.03299776096940694
bpd,Cynicuck,2019/05/16,"DAE ever feel like a burden in a relationship? Just that constant feeling that someone shouldn't have to deal with you, and that they would be better off with someone else. I've put the person I am currently dating through so much and I feel horrible about it, from the sudden spikes in anger to suicidal thoughts to just feeling like shit.",9.401354166666664,7.9854043437500035,8.217500000000001,74.14416666666669,60.25,11.033333333333333,38.52083333333333,9.725611199111238,3.6269333333333336,274,11,49,4,3,84,48,64,0.23600000000000002,0.623,0.141,-0.8834,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,5,6,2,0,4,0,5,1,1,0,1,14,10,3,1,2,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,4,4,3,11,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,7,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914592921141116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393837017041766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231817522815907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084156809013252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581888527017652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378359113190988,0.3093072342217849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115227444913761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913797795700926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902230602560727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762256065099836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324188981482442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221398534669928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668462241277483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367943848093233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186122994104813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537814412647636,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thehourspassby,2019/05/16,"I feel so incapable of interaction The past couple of years I secluded myself from society by being a neet due to severe anxiety. I've been alright with little interaction until recently when I've ""waken up"" from my dissociative state and realized I am really. fucking. lonely... My whole life I've been the weird one and always struggled with talking to people but I still had friends so I didn't feel awful about myself. 

Anyway, I've been trying to put myself out there on social media to try to start interacting with people again but everytime I try I feel really rejected. I've been commenting on my main reddit account and get hassled because my joke fails or the way I say something comes off wrong, ya know, (and everythings been lighthearted and from a good place) and I end up deleting my comments and crying or whatever. I've been anonymously sending asks on tumblr and tellonym and got told off for sounding weird. 

I feel too shy now to even post stuff on any social media except my mental health reddit since it's super anonymous...I'm just such a weirdo but I can't tell if it's bpd making me sensitive, being raised wrong by narcs, or I'm just stupid?? or something. 

I don't know but I just feel really lonely from this",3.7129516441005777,6.1497178212766,4.945270793036752,78.63295454545455,75.04255319148936,7.847195357833655,25.14990328820116,8.710501217029153,2.1650425531914888,988,34,169,21,22,326,139,235,0.18100000000000002,0.721,0.098,-0.9591,0,5,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,15,16,2,1,6,2,13,3,0,1,0,36,29,22,0,1,13,0,5,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,14,0,0,8,1,1,3,3,11,0,1,10,7,24,5,30,17,2,28,0,4,0,1,15,11,1,5,11,112,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591144756569007,0.0,0.0,0.08655827183218234,0.0,0.09737279702312328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899443994422752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759185053843623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031119992852225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964489250981486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083860567072226,0.1398167685632996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273686922811205,0.0,0.0,0.08407064601376456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439569208492105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217960003853576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834019686974377,0.11767307697896122,0.06650124124509206,0.0,0.0,0.10676075103131763,0.1018015681004309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352981702035164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399051874351359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990527094732187,0.0,0.12757316673452926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496383095598334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827350087979186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625171682613472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150808536270312,0.1764870029029571,0.0,0.1329858982276834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219039959305692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795673959246825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446263934768932,0.0,0.12567873714562575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122226602380527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437959975925996,0.0,0.1052915975372858,0.0,0.0,0.2595023771613523,0.0,0.19598066552727011,0.0,0.0,0.09009308954723216,0.0,0.1016500911278044,0.0,0.0,0.1330660830945361,0.14571105252625516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230698804932148,0.11125283789591824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162642258992935,0.0,0.2592547999907191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103303331489984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210933263217165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27833267613605683,0.0,0.08196746816361307
bpd,Pampers99,2019/05/16,"Lost my favourite person due to me being horrible/disgusting to her. Not going into too much detail, but basically I’ve pushed my fb to the limit and now she hates me/doesn’t trust me at all. She was the first ever person I opened up to and now she’s not coming back. It’s eating me alive and I don’t know how I’m gonna cope without her in my life, the pain is too much.

How do I deal with this loss?",1.5548051948051942,2.692406818181824,3.6605844155844167,91.20909090909092,77.4090909090909,6.392207792207793,19.38961038961039,6.868970318607317,0.058306493506493424,312,6,73,3,7,107,61,88,0.145,0.77,0.085,-0.6744,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,9,5,1,0,3,0,5,3,0,2,2,17,12,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,7,1,1,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,2,0,14,1,10,8,3,14,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950091506563224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846111937620102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261459051245347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259504633906816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294032528880945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571911505085306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441314577497605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250385720145767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937650516133746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913106282825195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768434494224461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728626046563633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26985714272180755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428820214235723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444693790755823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kinkyfoucault1,2019/05/16,"BPD and NPD traits Hi everyone. So, I am currently seeing a new therapist who I had told I was 99% certain I had BPD. After a month, she diagnosed me with BPD and NPD traits- not the actual disorders. I was wondering if anyone has had a similar diagnosis or know anything about these two personality disorders interacting? I cried a lot last night looking up NPD videos and reading really mean comments - but I just could not identify with the disorder (or its characteristics/traits) as much as I do with BPD. 
Looking forward to hearing from you all xx",3.524010695187169,6.372474039215689,5.610677361853835,71.35259358288772,78.21568627450979,9.983600713012477,31.821746880570412,10.018931242160765,4.262949019607844,440,23,74,16,11,152,73,102,0.057999999999999996,0.9259999999999999,0.017,-0.5859,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,2,20,17,10,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,11,1,10,10,3,8,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,5,7,54,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.12570520519428638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007069171816574,0.0,0.1060040618514605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.648953723761897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284857961882013,0.0,0.14149761938648756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074487435787446,0.0,0.0,0.4429006725540829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308859250439945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451842677381124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079355060666294,0.105001707543026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634491139877296,0.0,0.0,0.10951420882177162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031768572721506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028191878428526,0.0,0.09469410802601558,0.0,0.0,0.12441067310523213,0.0,0.12088448500748493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247659984061686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885021483095455,0.0,0.08252241528147287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264916060604397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956455625515175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308859250439945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258338847850549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969475821648772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,samanthaextravaganza,2019/05/16,Loss of appetite Has anyone else tried Wellbutrin ER 300mg with Lexapro 30mg and experienced a loss of appetite? Everything seems disgusting to me. Or with any medicine?,5.392999999999998,8.483777633333336,4.436666666666671,81.06500000000003,72.66666666666666,8.0,36.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.6836666666666673,139,8,23,3,3,41,25,30,0.258,0.742,0.0,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31050547179254484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192672019857522,0.4678433921426031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814329391146407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103650360618289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156739201233841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100032393656231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,merrimess,2019/05/16,"Anybody worry about future separation from your SO (travelling, etc...) and get the urge to break up over it? I’ve recently been obsessing over the fact that i’m gonna be away from my SO often in the future and it’s killing me. He’s a painter so he needs to travel for exhibitions and just yesterday I heard him planning a two week roadtrip with his uncle and I got super triggered. The incident alone made me think about leaving this relationship so I wouldn’t have to go through the separation later. Anybody worry about things like this? How do you handle it?",3.5513888888888867,5.904569138888893,4.573851851851857,81.50633333333336,75.2037037037037,7.653333333333332,27.46666666666667,8.548686976883017,2.191871111111112,449,18,83,9,10,146,77,108,0.136,0.807,0.057,-0.8290000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,10,4,1,1,7,0,5,0,0,3,1,14,14,9,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,2,0,1,4,1,10,2,16,7,1,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,7,58,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499733273913284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22676308674870954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691771400426657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609920446297795,0.0,0.13716889050869213,0.0,0.1930354458082452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26702604340731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25556248457624137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791496372137117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283780711413534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896334689344887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383111724722092,0.2591273672172746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034703610910267,0.15465198388977194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357709682624723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360223209740424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902200178975841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,identitycrisislol,2019/05/16,"How to make therapy effective I've been trying to do therapy/counselling for the past little while and though I've noticed the consistency of going helps me be more aware/mindful of my behaviours I dont feel like the therapy itself is effective? I dont think it's at the fault of my counsellor as I've switched through a lot and I find myself comfortable with this one. I think it's more a result of the topics I bring up? 

I tend to go on about the 101 things I think are wrong with me and she will provide a sense of normality for each of those things but not much else happens in that room for me. Especially if something flips my mood before or I wake up wrong that day I cant seem to focus on what I maybe need to be focusing on in therapy? 

As far as what I want from it is just how to get over the negative feelings I have for myself and to learn how to effectively stop thinking about myself all the time lol 

​

I think tl;dr what are some things you guys focus on in therapy? What do you find is an effective way to go about your counselling sessions and remain consistent with topics/areas of focus?",3.4168485742379526,5.023869455752216,4.657109144542776,84.03624385447398,73.46902654867256,8.208062930186825,26.27236971484759,8.841846274778883,1.94008534906588,891,31,180,18,18,294,123,226,0.078,0.8240000000000001,0.099,0.5726,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,4,8,6,0,0,12,1,15,1,1,9,1,41,33,16,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,15,9,0,1,15,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,1,2,26,2,42,29,7,24,0,0,0,0,6,14,0,5,6,134,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454035799281052,0.13966795102482452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780776436062713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412852691202558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26942395629249016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601986945083306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162369567178076,0.08211508162595546,0.0,0.0,0.2101110749577269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060052812115668965,0.0,0.1959737409505634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381133564369847,0.10164344230583804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704366308537705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056155192985887586,0.11520277320350017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772016574729504,0.0,0.0,0.07672513898232973,0.0,0.1154753827510226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605935172733248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449610357551053,0.08522854915979196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112619432822446,0.0,0.1308630158714723,0.0,0.0,0.07788814235998973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972580487525267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463950920706247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848849934873589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960972367134962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5257879393911289,0.0,0.22908845001297615,0.3682531769887033,0.11293061059890347,0.0,0.0670240076372601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803854235115255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779617738672375,0.09123615820604827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25134357784462463,0.13966795102482452,0.0
bpd,KimShyt,2019/05/16,"PSA: If your significant other suffers from BPD don't flirt/cheat with others. Obviously I cannot speak for everyone who lives with this disorder , but from my personal experience and others I have met it seems we all share a similar trait. Honesty. 
I was diagnosed 6 years ago (I am 23 currently) in addition to a couple of other mental illnesses , and really over the years of countless symptoms the one worst thing I have ever felt was finding out my girlfriend was texting a number of other men , flirting non stop and ultimately cheating.

BPD makes you so emotionally turbulent anyways
the separation anxiety
the fear to love , or more accurate to lose it.
I constantly had jealous episodes over the years with her , she would convince me that it's all in my head. i would self harm out of pure anger and guilt just for putting her through these episodes.
it got to the point of many suicide attempts and countless nights at the mental ward.

Please. I can't stress this enough
if you wanna f around that's fine no judgment .. your life.
But don't put us through this. Please.
I have had friends who commited suicide because of this and I myself have tried many times.

If hell exists , it's in the heart of the dishonest",3.9385182218662393,6.5606705110132175,4.340698838606328,82.3197547056468,75.16740088105728,7.827713255907088,29.701441730076088,8.710501217029153,2.6333718061674007,974,44,175,21,22,306,143,227,0.262,0.613,0.124,-0.9934,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,2,4,0,2,5,17,4,3,12,0,16,7,2,1,6,35,22,13,2,6,7,0,1,0,2,2,4,1,0,3,20,14,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,11,0,1,8,2,24,6,30,12,5,22,1,2,0,1,20,10,1,5,10,125,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763787330593416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289146442354128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809593901001256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402088513628992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30586657834876035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121964955360596,0.0,0.0,0.1343568709956671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324603709695105,0.0,0.0,0.139166074356519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365892398540877,0.0,0.12546674198789007,0.0,0.0,0.1098378409767155,0.0,0.11602887923915806,0.0,0.11877908731165313,0.0,0.13663934227343388,0.0,0.0,0.11658914025098095,0.0,0.11098224756093734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381434217978306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711641270011212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461932390167013,0.0,0.0,0.14389179927586118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576761203345899,0.0,0.0,0.1072224293035326,0.0,0.0,0.1358459605232739,0.0,0.0,0.10959277560231907,0.0,0.08105358911135394,0.24621621436684835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447400856859165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395118773756355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228220334598806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602553457317,0.0,0.2665811712057305,0.11478793888023504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24413571935873404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778936424896918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054274904651916,0.12667503659371976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151856409287313,0.13909443054623216,0.0,0.0,0.26564326466244914,0.0,0.0,0.12620933920613725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806708263801479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708051682627499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244108815542281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606195302786965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251677709741045,0.0,0.0,0.2345853786350582
bpd,PM_Me_Gross_Food,2019/05/16,"Angry Does anyone else go from angry as fuck like time to punch everyone in the face to laughing ten seconds later and back again to bore mad? It could also be triggered by a fly or the way someone walks or has a tone of voice that I feel like I have to defend myself against and I’m constantly emotionally RAW, like Gordon Ramsay chicken raw.",6.048529411764704,6.151108558823534,6.4841176470588255,78.85352941176474,66.35294117647058,8.564705882352943,30.235294117647058,8.07648339933343,2.0851941176470583,274,9,51,3,4,89,55,68,0.191,0.675,0.134,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,7,8,6,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,2,3,4,10,6,0,9,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,8,32,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375440000039167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689772920084527,0.2738736302045056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553209151596116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28884915983111603,0.0,0.2134119946856479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23391021685039215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328930037139236,0.300669048485047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25541025599740924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515155191972555,0.19095442673547908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471084002571648,0.0,0.0,0.15190897383456828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917580962904728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647679290346026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586090523767968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121650242904537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayfbakdbalfve,2019/05/16,"To those who voluntarily joined an in-patient care/rehab facility (not hospital), how was it? I’ve finally reached the point to where I realize I’ve done everything I could to help myself because my life has started to become too difficult for me to handle. I’m starting to revert back to extreme suicidal thoughts and my PTSD has also come back 10 times stronger since having to move back into my moms house in Florida because I failed at life in Colorado on my own. It doesn’t help that my childhood dog is very close to death at the moment so it’s been hard for me to cope with it. I’ve lost my ability to eat these past three weeks or so and I pretty much gag when I try to force myself to eat something.. I think I might be developing a fear of food ever since I cut off meat cold turkey because it randomly grossed me out one day. I’ve lost a lot of weight and my skin is fucking terrible now. My body has become so weak because of this and my life hasn’t been able to give me a break for the past month due to unexpected events. I use to take Adderall as an antidepressant but yesterday I took it again for the first time in awhile and my heart can’t take it anymore because it’s been so overworked lately.. literally all day my resting heart rate was averaging 107bpm even when I was asleep (I have a Fitbit). I didn’t do anything throughout the day besides shower so I know I didn’t wear myself out through doing things. 

I’m on 200mg of Lamictal and I have a psychiatrist but he’s a quack if I’m being real here, he diagnosed me with BPD through google search during my session. I’ve done talk therapy with multiple psychologists/tried so many SSRI/SDRI’s and it’s only made me worse off in the end. I’ve been considering an in-patient treatment facility for a while now, I just know how expensive it can be and I’m unable to hold a job at the moment because I’m so unstable and my mom refuses to let me apply for disability. 

I really need help, I’ve lost control of myself completely and I’m afraid of what damage I’m doing to my body at this point. My fear of another psychologist failing me combined with my agoraphobia has prevented me from helping myself, let alone leave the house. I’m super fucking miserable and I think I’m ready to truly help myself. Xanax has been nice at the moment to help cope but I don’t want to become reliant on it due to a friend who’s passed away from OD’ing on Xanax so I don’t take too often.

Also I’ve done a DBT workbook and it’s helped me with my anxiety attacks significantly but not my mood swings so I know I need to seek professional help now. I’m not suicidal, I just have extremely dark and repeating thoughts about killing myself.

Any response would be appreciated, I apologize if there’s errors in my post, I’m not really in a good state of mind with this brain fog going on.",3.939727061556329,5.174662287456449,5.363693379790941,80.94939605110339,71.59581881533101,8.672241579558653,28.47502903600465,9.107695989026183,2.295031823461092,2259,85,454,46,42,760,272,574,0.14,0.7609999999999999,0.099,-0.976,2,1,1,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,0,8,33,24,5,4,23,0,42,21,8,5,2,66,79,37,4,7,13,2,3,0,1,2,7,0,1,0,22,24,4,4,8,0,1,5,11,19,0,3,20,4,61,4,72,50,5,69,0,7,0,2,19,26,2,7,35,285,83,5,0.0679400235039015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036537471101185,0.0,0.10866322450003124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620154574533017,0.07124103844361644,0.051973932020462736,0.0,0.06737824728696415,0.0,0.0,0.055908850478542514,0.0,0.0,0.07729158487593557,0.06383188853072873,0.1567250531613777,0.0,0.24849364638887336,0.22510325455050964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093210026179776,0.08556808124989171,0.07584353534515861,0.0,0.0,0.06926938192743455,0.0,0.0,0.058524314427804584,0.07123382203080128,0.0,0.07620051341708296,0.05424458043783786,0.0,0.0,0.1314470838663185,0.0,0.0,0.06895769373020036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857869695047968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390392105799062,0.0,0.0,0.06017469515711105,0.0,0.0,0.04487374476670478,0.06145564089903038,0.0,0.0,0.06106011232730187,0.0,0.0,0.15290282978551964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442497486641103,0.0,0.057789749285241526,0.08215334610129098,0.0,0.05249029362659919,0.12561891391680674,0.0,0.06517426130696287,0.03861188103572328,0.05698486832249022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086091627889194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161018509941165,0.3643101251234697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567873306426742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741999001001849,0.0,0.07516556985513845,0.0,0.11201418039789532,0.0,0.07663930577152807,0.07193867512565758,0.0,0.13894655422032476,0.14396414347801104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249368392244395,0.05776017842478508,0.0,0.06428649296043623,0.0,0.06888052022460735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720736284647528,0.06860005621532803,0.15914106880386078,0.05422907857518123,0.0722094929735771,0.04994373455466333,0.100753333126462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046037918227872,0.05167144936942796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297128800167468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845056473495367,0.0,0.06506776215962648,0.06911942878281144,0.0,0.0,0.0794182517633606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733062071149283,0.0870482375206548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240137903051647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230354934253621,0.0,0.0,0.09617659664288676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863071720248353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532473273040536,0.05460761737008561,0.0,0.0,0.0776953379084714,0.0,0.04513633273342811,0.08706644752677463,0.0,0.10787357937565914,0.07923274812864227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075483865950495,0.09225363251775877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058678366601574425,0.0,0.0560576346455817,0.04007278612791279,0.0,0.05449738877578631,0.0827326454788551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923668822906599,0.04826264340266878,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ih8myusernname,2019/05/16,i have had an Okay couple of days! so like 5 days ago i was tearing up writing a big ole essay about to post it on here talking about the mishaps of the last 6 months but the last 2 days have been this weird kinda peacefulness in my head and its been really nice. i have been dealing with trying to enjoy being alone for a while because i had a big ole breakdown from jan-march or something and my bestfriend had blocked me a month ago and i deleted all my social media which has helped a lot with my mental health i think. theres still days where i feel like im haunted by some things my bestfriend last said to me but also she said nice things but in the end she thinks im a toxic person in her life. im becoming more and more at peace with it and if any of you are recovering from the favourite person block - yeehaw may we all just grow from this shit :$,3.7586666666666666,4.308817755555555,4.288888888888891,91.03000000000004,71.44444444444444,6.888888888888888,24.44444444444445,6.42735559955562,0.5447777777777785,676,17,151,4,12,214,113,180,0.115,0.733,0.151,0.8420000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,0,9,8,1,0,12,1,14,4,2,0,2,27,19,13,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,2,8,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,3,19,6,22,8,6,25,0,0,0,0,14,9,1,6,16,99,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326104414651401,0.0,0.0,0.13588869928319175,0.0,0.10492450511256833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922382609330834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998128465551714,0.1449054954983654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517571797125986,0.0,0.338465205356507,0.13526648295852614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620859106123295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634113590338632,0.09373280140309448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465407229602264,0.13946466528798093,0.0,0.0,0.08794387374835105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251713962502721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208484971627387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267389574768692,0.12820016610042312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115457076544324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222367189894746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945298681836325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291261026083732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256580186128959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405321381543747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496117967314885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467993666489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337468648607887,0.0,0.10100793632154424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478039661813217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545752262176014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433340107258832,0.1681415945585822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907950947801846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdthrowaway1111,2019/05/16,I’m 17 and “at severe risk” of having borderline personality disorder. What can I expect? I’m basically taking this as a diagnosis from my psychologist.  It feels like this is just his way of telling me I have it without expressely saying it because Im not 18 yet and cant be officially diagnosed.  Im so scared of stigma and missed relationships just because of this.  Im scared of everything and I just want to cry.  I dont even know what im asking.  I just want help,2.3315839243498817,4.510465680851066,5.304609929078017,75.63388888888889,78.36170212765956,8.858628841607569,26.401891252955078,9.444778638647367,2.6658855791962166,370,15,73,11,9,134,61,94,0.20800000000000002,0.711,0.08,-0.9243,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,15,16,6,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,8,1,10,15,0,3,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458843228908602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025148709391795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714119972345359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838598655605296,0.0,0.0,0.1788451499235717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288773044620726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030685910573942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024636856362308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890283217805458,0.11148111044492637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459604914753902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6742368188992065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576019832296285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762374358931053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625556885284928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753773586410092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409606488574175,0.31246362927138244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629043636865985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732908400860445,0.0,0.1363933048782755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408294772014672,0.12386407013354653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504252270434267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ihavenocleansocks,2019/05/16,"She doesn't 'check in' on me? I am present and compromising with my partner.
I don't feel as though my needs are met or that my attitude is reciprocated.
How do I tell if I am being unreasonable, or if I am truly neglected physically/emotionally?",3.6062499999999993,5.4979871250000025,6.544166666666667,69.51750000000001,73.58333333333334,10.633333333333336,30.75,10.686352973137794,3.7963999999999993,194,9,38,7,4,71,36,48,0.084,0.851,0.065,-0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,0,10,12,8,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,10,0,4,10,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,4,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770409900278617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593814884389037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38037313712925774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483729855551119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040068269951572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gudetamamamma,2019/05/16,"Heard some news about my abusive ex boyfriend 5 years ago I was in the worst relationship possible. He was abusive and and manipulative. He would record my panic attacks, choke me, and grab onto my collar bone. When we broke up he said that I was weak and pathetic and I will end up getting into drugs. He said some other awful things. Time passed and I moved on to better. Never looked back. But just the other day a close friend reached out to tell me what she heard about my ex. After we broke up he ended up getting deep into drugs. He was also diagnosed with schizophrenia. He had to move in with a relative so they can keep an eye on him. I have a bunch of mixed feelings. I'm not sure if karma was at work or if he just dug his own grave. I remember the time he punched me in my chest so hard that I couldn't breathe and started shaking me and screaming ""No one will ever love you because you're fucking crazy!"". I wonder if he remembers all of what he told me as he became everything he said I'd be.",2.681216642754664,4.318508082926833,3.7909899569583954,89.36114777618364,75.48780487804878,6.579626972740316,24.25394548063128,7.285733465282438,0.9086011477761832,787,25,167,9,17,255,129,205,0.22,0.7290000000000001,0.051,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,1,2,10,14,2,2,7,1,13,10,4,1,4,39,29,18,1,5,8,2,3,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,7,16,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,10,0,1,12,11,25,4,25,12,6,33,1,3,2,2,32,16,1,7,13,108,32,1,0.0,0.3118989165918063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667414685664113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525733102311163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973798121709414,0.0,0.10120848690145492,0.0,0.08023498939173045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640815018228293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488470858593518,0.0,0.0,0.1335926267409442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052773343571609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315442134206316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190588033276126,0.0,0.0,0.11829254073978535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655157338831738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169012077777408,0.12168156858718368,0.13753316485714542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790663567388192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699086452820055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052855852952304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879316454635815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27978475845537504,0.0,0.0,0.10151429194667452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918985095136164,0.0,0.0,0.15442897935522987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838299253877296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413117833148376,0.29820205383894915,0.0,0.3756053672254984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931620786710016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405131128978555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504262633815007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744319778013555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349862174658602,0.0,0.0,0.12576958351345155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427374479017786,0.09582171465927143,0.0,0.0,0.09349983963863767,0.0,0.0,0.08475966087851784
bpd,rosesarered1616,2019/05/16,I demonize myself I feel like the negative thoughts about myself are mostly about how “evil” I am. This disorder makes me do horrible things. Being a good person and impulsively doing horrible things is the most horrible thing i deal with.,7.213571428571428,9.10513416666667,7.570000000000004,65.72500000000002,64.47619047619048,12.266666666666667,33.04761904761905,11.855464076750405,4.903419047619048,193,8,29,7,3,63,33,42,0.382,0.521,0.09699999999999999,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,8,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,3,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277396130366699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643394652383457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073914050131274,0.2271069032682117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666383569015527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553092529280591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121998586870102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775768932666524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6335933354356714,0.0,0.0,0.2523760675819881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,voldisdirtycousin,2019/05/16,"Letting go of emotionally abusive parents Moving out of parents house to live with my fiance in another state in 2 months. It's not soon enough when your therapy has progressed to the point where you realize your parents have been emotionally abusing and neglecting you for 2 decades. The behaviors that caused my bpd have never stopped..so I'm getting livid when I notice them now. I've tried multiple times to have them read about bpd or talk to me about it but they don't want to, and then they shift blame on me. I know i'm responsible for why i am the way I am, but I also know me developing bpd is not my fault...it's their fault....but it still makes me angry and hurt and disgusted that they can't face what they've done. I've told them that we can't accept any wedding money, and once i'm moved there won't be any more contact. I know it's silly but it's devastating to me to lose the wedding day i pictured. I don't know how long I won't be in contact with them. Maybe long enough to fully accept that they are going to do and say the same things that they've always done until the day they die. Maybe forever. I don't know how to cope with the pain right now. I feel like i'm grieving for my parents while they're still alive. Maybe i'm grieving for the lost hope I had that things could be different. But it all strangely feels like this is right....like this is what I need to do to move on and recover and start a life with love in it.",3.5867344686218843,4.395675513245036,4.3973793755912975,89.14959161147905,72.01324503311257,7.73913591926837,25.639230526647744,7.957251820313856,1.17886609902239,1143,34,256,15,21,368,148,302,0.204,0.723,0.073,-0.9921,5,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,4,10,3,14,15,1,0,9,0,28,4,1,4,2,43,51,21,3,4,7,4,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,19,14,0,1,10,1,1,5,10,8,0,0,6,3,37,7,32,38,5,35,0,6,0,1,27,10,0,2,20,160,56,1,0.0,0.2086213246968627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040397598057767,0.07325468854189754,0.0,0.0,0.11973775053652495,0.0923155443342166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326424279091643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043930183145392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029119843983561,0.0,0.0,0.11355448454398492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136956949411867,0.09198099713528317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018692938943714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806185479789526,0.0,0.18193362566565874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902934035581697,0.12578876386399548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599623390131943,0.0,0.10006807574546818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744162240784592,0.0,0.10158405947747808,0.09424652553108176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191697796878994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002484429227449,0.06218385994050464,0.08602186310201722,0.0,0.07773918811789299,0.1558217616789193,0.0,0.09849202959465796,0.0961039029888257,0.0,0.07945775388834643,0.0,0.05876606464231965,0.0,0.2653380846493897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702711108201068,0.28071146051146056,0.0,0.0652790792656492,0.06790035147603862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023187382903236,0.0,0.09375762230311788,0.0,0.0,0.09367866467161408,0.0,0.3910232281896036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322438907828211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806184833339925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036798291822445,0.0,0.07001137026741043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231376651203242,0.0,0.14061455936959644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076162886513604,0.0,0.0,0.10067915302677798,0.0,0.11697710242768368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051335679773817935,0.0,0.0,0.08412410471270695,0.0,0.059772039324117995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051927107538090544,0.06988048561356591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944062321574052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spinspin__sugar,2019/05/16,"Can’t relate to friends who are starting families, having kids I’m just nowhere close to being ready for that next stage of my life but I’m older now and all my friends are married with kids or married and preggo so it’s all they talk about, understandably. I can’t relate to it... I’m just barely hanging on trying to stay sane and put some semblance of a career together and be a functioning adult. Can’t help but always feel like the black sheep",1.8576666666666668,4.365792766666665,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,82.44444444444446,5.377777777777778,22.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.6394666666666668,359,12,71,4,10,114,63,90,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,2,16,14,8,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,10,12,3,10,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,2,5,43,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412991236035144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733815366863575,0.0,0.14663021733121384,0.20717253109465816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480989329307092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943775780301543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483208931187386,0.14167693966363953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084130396366904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915251356910724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525999833017602,0.3090961523015028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23308704698333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688761213769093,0.0,0.0,0.3018950880176013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDBirdie,2019/03/23,"Just diagnosed? On Wednesday I had a psychiatrist tell me she thinks I have BPD. She explained the disorder to me and told me I have 8 out of the 9 symptoms.  She gave an Rx to help with the anxiety/depression/outbursts, but told me the real fix is DBT and CBT therapy. I assured her I would find a therapist and she gave me a number for one. She also told me, ""don't tell anyone you have BPD."" I do understand there's a stigma.
 
I decided he deserved to know, and told my husband when he got home that night. He has been very supportive. The rest of the week has been really tough, but he's dropped everything to comfort me the couple times I've needed it.

On Friday, I called the therapist my Psych had recommended and she told me she doesn't treat BPD and gave me the number of someone who, ""probably isn't taking new patients, but might know someone who is."" She also told me to make sure to get a PsyD not just a counselor/social worker/therapist. I called that guy and he's closed on Friday. The rest of the day Friday was me spiraling out of control trying to cross reference the psychology today site with my insurance's preferred providers list. Oh boy. It seems like none of those that meet my criteria are in my network. I decided to take a break from the frustration, and plan to call the list of providers from the insurance website and just ask them ""BPD? CBT? DBT?"" 

In the meantime I've found you lovely people at this subreddit. I've looked through articles online. And the rest of the last 24 hours I've just made a mental check list of every time in my life I was abandoned, made fun of, let down or made angry and have questioned if every one of those experiences was a lie my brain told me.  

I guess my point is, I feel like I'm really adrift here, waiting for the opportunity to get into therapy, and trying to walk the line between reading up on stuff and not over loading myself with information. Since I understand it's not a good idea to share my diagnoses with people, I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and I don't feel like I would trust anyone (besides my husband) to keep my secret anyway. I can't even trust a fart right now, since this new medicine gives me diarrhea.

I turn 39 in 10 days, and I feel like my life as I've perceived it is a lie.  ",4.454075479654224,5.271975893246188,5.403688242322023,82.69272612270716,70.02396514161221,8.885543608124252,28.531941808981657,9.11188708381993,2.199592958043433,1801,63,367,34,31,592,217,459,0.052000000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.134,0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,2,1,3,13,20,1,0,33,0,30,8,1,5,2,73,72,24,0,5,12,2,4,5,0,3,6,0,1,2,15,23,0,4,22,1,1,2,10,3,0,2,22,5,59,17,53,46,4,37,0,1,1,1,49,19,0,6,19,231,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903114227939006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299826977237615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372980240014935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434312090132636,0.07610033045897291,0.2088277547418259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764585172064184,0.0,0.07542887309620967,0.0,0.08792809630661735,0.0,0.0,0.1383823487835835,0.0,0.0,0.07812879299841745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502568070089084,0.0,0.11487242884489005,0.0,0.061266852933778676,0.06668339800502814,0.0,0.0,0.1378753194003302,0.194802813605121,0.0,0.0,0.06230619844872716,0.0,0.0,0.0747449505090556,0.0,0.0,0.07123208388393229,0.06539493181993299,0.0,0.05717781074902626,0.05452182322221631,0.0,0.07509700497937981,0.06749907557950166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569295323799728,0.0,0.06838012690527852,0.0,0.06713377579318464,0.0,0.0,0.07695569833927504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059268020467996,0.0,0.0,0.07492896268242485,0.05556769620015214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970850346164198,0.09630105666937354,0.16652223586068582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057245680057773064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061526139317692914,0.19351247285903012,0.04550404338658499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869938518199717,0.0723176592254549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050547234585473326,0.0,0.1316781345548154,0.0,0.06397298191989179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238759176612864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945210702825419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444273977660543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349885294500594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763660669517628,0.0,0.06818850626897606,0.07759245087877821,0.08734297011664628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821685746961454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062059460954586726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278195365417645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552053866489713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803840741944261,0.0,0.0773585745147718,0.06424947336072817,0.07085479261304928,0.1025108002215274,0.054792510772718565,0.11916727166220277,0.0,0.15591680590964607,0.2374520763167008,0.0,0.04368062088959124,0.0,0.0,0.07950101862105691,0.0,0.06461724452616911,0.455975885709313,0.0,0.0925659898195956,0.07414944810443266,0.0,0.14193487005408986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624743759455368,0.0,0.0,0.054681908960526784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685210730359532,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,actual_rilakkuma,2019/03/23,"new here hi! i recently stumbled upon this reddit (well, not really stumbled, because i sought it out on purpose lol) and i am coming to grips with the fact that i more than likely have bpd (i've been sitting with this fact for only a few weeks now). i wanted some advice on dealing with splitting?? i feel like im happy and full of life and totally optimistic about everything one hour and the next i want to cut off all my friends family and my s/o and run away and never talk to anyone ever again. how do y'all cope with these sorts of thoughts??",3.711013513513514,4.791608963963963,4.8104391891891884,85.28701013513515,71.97297297297297,7.712162162162162,25.58671171171171,8.07648339933343,1.4468819819819825,429,13,87,6,8,141,84,111,0.019,0.8490000000000001,0.132,0.9071,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,1,0,3,1,4,1,0,1,6,27,9,8,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,13,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,2,2,10,5,18,7,6,19,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,11,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991966144072906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305171025511015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922158488528694,0.0,0.0,0.12471409477461053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576696655973349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623324384108213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091980515411984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506029594467616,0.0,0.0,0.18386924767851445,0.0,0.1928660423247885,0.0,0.1034451340228569,0.14615671063579125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580631025998243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778624402161476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014765939137264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209886393456098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450556861132066,0.19990136110005696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778980121757075,0.197591016813558,0.21758017412978764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863317748039655,0.155597331218257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106341713612338,0.0,0.2020045897444944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443896253470086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241891087483534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24134095915925144,0.0,0.16410703309772515,0.0,0.1839479266830228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,catnini,2019/03/23,"Can CBD help binge eating? My binge eating has gone worse and I literally can’t stop, my anxiety is very high and I just want to be able to control my impulsiveness in over eating.
Please help me, what has worked for you? I can’t keep doing this and I feel out of control.",1.1514880952380968,3.3935635535714286,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,83.10714285714286,5.8761904761904775,18.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,0.13571190476190464,213,5,47,3,6,70,40,56,0.11800000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.158,0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,0,11,12,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,7,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,30,11,1,0.2020278363501136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545507418333318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531827944845213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6201747386724086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215134431589916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708300002829229,0.21345350120180245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957162356634532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176589649179207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689043173963781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166694123055487,0.11916125224004608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707867100280073,0.0,0.20588362496168885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hduewhduwedwe,2019/03/23,"BPD and Anxiety (not fear of abandonment) Nothing on the internet informs about BPD Anxiety outside of fear of abandoment, which confuses me a lot.

Do BPD also get random extrem Anxiety when walking a dark passage at night?

Can you get strong Anxiety when seeing a spider or other animals (snakes, dogs, elephants in a zoo)?

Do you have random social Anxiety?

Do you experience panic attacks? (Believing something is wrong, like smelling fire when you are cooking or believing to get a hearth attack)

​",6.980837438423643,9.528252896551727,7.431855500821017,63.91655172413794,66.01149425287356,10.948440065681446,40.014778325123146,10.914260884657429,5.642712315270938,410,24,54,13,7,134,62,87,0.28800000000000003,0.6559999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9641,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,0,1,5,10,2,4,6,0,7,1,0,0,0,10,11,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,3,5,2,8,11,1,8,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,6,5,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323410779514827,0.0,0.1398701553069698,0.15685981890606254,0.0,0.0,0.4937716992501559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937195299128232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29088293219454875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877571725421854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627586859830814,0.0,0.2905267588899316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233431859230214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306739189462086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974863875440298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114325454964177,0.0,0.1238663941733454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514605942074669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028688949771766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315921218736146,0.0,0.09938063729913864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114085520200031,0.15685981890606254,0.0
bpd,painisoutside,2019/03/23,"When you reach out to someone you broke up with I don’t have BPD but I’m fairly certain my ex does after reading and learning about it after our 4th breakup.  She’s is high functioning and I work with her in close knit office environment. She’s always presenting herself very well as an attractive, smart and well adjusted person, and the traits only come out in full force when in an intimate relationship, at least with me they did, as that is my only basis for judgement.  

I’ve spent most of my time on the loved one community, which is filled with distraught and in many cases very angry people. Understandably so considering some of the experiences they’ve been through. While hurt, I’ve developed compassion for people who suffer from this.  I wanted to get anyone’s opinion, while admittedly selfish due to my pain and confusion surrounding our relationship. 

My ex ended it with very definitive statements such as, “I feel it in my bones we are not right” and “there’s no chance for us, I want you to be 100% open to finding a mutually reciprocal intimate partner”. This was the day after a face to face rather cruel discard telling me everything about me that wasn’t good for her or just negative about me in general.  It didn’t seem like herself. This was after 6 weeks of her showing more affection than she ever had in the previous year and a half of on again/off again. 

So I had to accept this and was trying to heal. Then we make eye contact in the office yesterday and she sends me a text “I hope you’re well :)” this was after 3 weeks of no contact other than seeing each other at work. It’s not like I was a disheveled mess or anything or not showing up at work. I was hurting but doing everything in my power to not let it effect how I presented myself. And in fact I was dressed up for a client meeting and looking sharp and she sees me laughing and talking with co-workers sometimes. 

So I’m asking for opinions, if anyone has done this this to an ex so shortly after ending it, what was your point? Genuine concern just doesn’t feel like her intention.  

For those wondering, I wasn’t going to reply at all but then caved in the evening, I sent her a song Beck’s “guess I’m doing fine”.  So pretty neutral in my mind, but I’ve always sent her songs so it’s something she’s come to expect from me.  

Thanks ya’ll, I feel for everyone of you, it’s not easy on either side of these relationships and wondering why the universe has put us in each other’s paths. ",4.776233101936422,5.964538834368532,5.610335525514554,80.14149525027405,69.55900621118012,8.498087930824504,29.31975398855194,8.841846274778883,2.3108653513579336,1959,73,371,34,34,641,244,483,0.113,0.74,0.147,0.9464,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,6,5,1,5,23,26,1,2,18,0,29,7,4,5,4,82,58,39,0,6,17,3,4,3,1,0,2,2,0,2,26,31,0,0,14,5,1,8,13,10,3,2,19,10,56,16,75,37,9,67,0,4,4,1,46,34,0,14,28,270,82,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752435892392128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237270459989167,0.0,0.07789461864997534,0.0,0.08849148651329436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921713647338394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307719136005852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061045913021993324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283494981568115,0.0968669415688902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767595439797625,0.0,0.0,0.0625200340568676,0.08562264598083706,0.0,0.09044878852593052,0.17014315707618638,0.09259267709903896,0.0,0.0,0.14358422011051786,0.06762295622953697,0.0,0.0,0.08651475309936409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945435850209128,0.0,0.053795735789456116,0.07939377305750595,0.0,0.0,0.10427532101223044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001028279876177,0.0,0.09401572641446332,0.0,0.0,0.20266448210478014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679316209402476,0.0,0.13873383849181653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948801242109166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854316084876788,0.0,0.06318426058127727,0.09596730766923782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955765531310768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414201066743744,0.14398177781415286,0.1007216868365021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124644516566245,0.0826508126066682,0.0,0.0,0.08948142977151069,0.0,0.0,0.09630016536304188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515639639330316,0.0,0.0,0.09468258264752824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048784749430016,0.0,0.08083653273035571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085869504419752,0.08617214780619277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020254107401162,0.07287155781606827,0.09361816086188766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608168463522802,0.08273436144450677,0.0871474177667716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519523874345117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426586723334397,0.0,0.0,0.09854124103739764,0.2277213532998363,0.0,0.0,0.2343057334802351,0.11166226337898986,0.0,0.15185621881954264,0.0,0.2553239438782363,0.0,0.08541318988353283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530288610867786,0.2756455977126308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095598337980258
bpd,alittlelighter,2019/03/23,"Emotional spiral with my ex My BPD blew up lately. 
I am getting highly manipulative when I am talking with my ex. It is not that I want it, it just happens. 
We are talking about getting back together lately, but it is messy. I am hurt, he is hurt, jealousy, etc.
I get triggered by him and he acts on my manipulation. And the other way around. He can be manipulative too. We are always finding ourselves in these extreme situations of crying, emotionally hurting each other, begging and apologizing. 
It is madness. I hate it and love it at the same time. I know it is not healthy.
I don’t know if he does things because he stands behind him or if he doesn’t. But I guess he doesn’t know them himself. I don’t even know that about myself. Through these intense emotions I completely lose connection to reality. My emotions suck me in and then I act on them. 
I am so tired of hurting and getting hurt, but I can’t hold it back. 
I am tired but it feels like a drug at the same time.

BPD relationships are madness
DAE knows this ",1.8376912691269105,4.292465757425749,3.6463546354635454,85.27387038703874,82.01980198019803,6.0489648964896485,26.50855085508551,7.348242739294969,1.4830712871287126,801,35,159,12,22,268,109,202,0.293,0.6579999999999999,0.049,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,2,1,10,12,4,0,4,0,20,4,0,4,0,38,36,16,0,3,10,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,18,12,0,1,7,0,0,2,7,10,0,0,0,1,29,2,18,35,4,21,0,6,0,1,21,9,1,4,9,116,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174033144278353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745098484179732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107504366645585,0.0,0.05988383433563142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474499389316767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299871549015252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790777830257298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596710120560147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392272533254405,0.0,0.0,0.4420097055792644,0.0,0.0,0.10955925484445564,0.06488403876749778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496711400571628,0.07017991240342447,0.0,0.0,0.08978604504523656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529729790951384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821817475174003,0.0,0.08686988718953542,0.0,0.0,0.09698784256320322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379186710552464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258190559253609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699400455370939,0.0,0.22162927175552066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799321204719234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099011039946638,0.0,0.0,0.0886619446183003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546884203328083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104215284172002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791696373288905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526372109401929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456455724748567,0.2258159654688787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057942215925209324,0.07797526914838457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RomanticDreamer11,2019/03/23,"Biperiden and dissociation Hello!! (And sorry for my English)

Introduction: I am a male of 22 years, from Spain, with borderline personality disorder. In addition I also suffer from dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming, and stereotypical movements.

I have been on treatment with aripiprazole and perphenazine, but I only had side effects. To mitigate the side effects the psychiatrist gave me biperiden (akineton). Well, biperiden surprisingly has healed my dissociation a little.

Someone knows what this is? Should I try another medicine similar to biperiden?

I'm living hell, literally. I'm desperate because of my problems.

I appreciate all the comments :)",8.408154545454547,12.519395070000005,8.723454545454548,48.7117272727273,68.3,11.636363636363635,45.09090909090909,10.832165505486646,7.287600000000001,537,36,58,20,11,176,73,100,0.16899999999999998,0.716,0.115,-0.7264,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,5,0,7,1,0,2,1,14,11,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,10,2,11,7,1,7,1,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366228495902635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102661015602972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180371586873575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391151784315101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261321578494853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296559166545404,0.2612759856398447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503741534468366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583594330825681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28312643833285484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507063438356475,0.0,0.0,0.3312242430740211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088965251899735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660403340767821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054323620437902
bpd,ckinney15,2019/03/23,"If your BPD bad days had a color, what would it be? I've taken up painting to help with expressing myself. I'm not great at it, but my mood seems to affect my color choice. 

I don't fit enough of the criteria for BPD, but when I'm anxious or under a lot of stress, some of the tendencies come out. My job in healthcare helped me to learn more about it, and how to spot behavior I didn't realize I had.

I'm oversensitive, and I percieve criticism as being more harsh, or more personal than it is, and get defensive. When that happens, I'm angry because I feel persecuted. It seems so unfair that people don't understand me, so my canvas is dominated by reds and purples. 

Sometimes I focus on making something beautiful with those colors because I want to prove I have value. I want them to see that there is more to me than my mistake. I want them to see me as a person with more depth and talent, and to validate my work.

Days when I realize that being nice to everyone didn't mean I'm not also difficult to be around. when my anxiety is exacerbated by my ADHD meds, I'm interrupting everyone, I'm forgetting to put things away, and I'm getting lost and being late.

It's like I can't produce a sky that isn't dominated by dark blues and blacks. I just can't get the sun to penetrate. It's lazy, like me. Not trying hard enough.

When I'm surrounded by the chaos of my messy house, my unfinished books and the piles of dirty laundry that hoard my kids' matching socks, I produce pinks and greens and the colors of spring.",4.629019607843142,5.246765267973856,5.956084967320262,79.61138235294119,69.52287581699346,9.518692810457518,29.02549019607843,9.642632912329526,2.532081568627452,1196,42,241,26,20,404,159,306,0.18100000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9801,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,2,4,13,12,1,1,10,0,20,0,0,5,1,50,47,28,0,6,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,16,18,0,1,9,1,0,2,10,6,0,0,6,14,34,5,40,35,9,23,0,1,12,0,9,12,0,7,11,160,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445718108515016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277814037402952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831815879875444,0.14519206758102265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441087470242865,0.0,0.0,0.12074964331191475,0.0,0.10730960727324808,0.15669033068682614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237352216153021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070940018999736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657707336838746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655929506393168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24561451033354584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498404325219992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144064246701007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169477778415693,0.0,0.0,0.11365063294182312,0.0,0.11512950817324985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228973901657715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482958963513688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753719078644415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497720572891742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557766799383158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029577583235514,0.10926389776275863,0.0,0.0,0.08578871799376556,0.0,0.0,0.13999696872719736,0.1427577789912694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910022977571751,0.22443903559014114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919903122055387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482908127738847,0.2340012534467524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989416899990046,0.12711048491173316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722028977940216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853835943667187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725727435892189,0.0,0.0,0.13379481947467764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274149211078436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935647668851528,0.0,0.0,0.09129758041479427,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Moon_Essi,2019/03/23,"Feeling like ""too much"" Ever since I was around 8 years old, I had this dream in my head of finding love and getting married and all that stuff. But recently I've been feeling like I'm ""too much"" for anyone to handle. A year or so ago I was in a relationship for a few months but my disorder put a fair amount of strain on it because my partner didn't feel like he could help me. Towards the end, he told me that he ""expected perfection"" and essentially said that it was hard for him to deal with me when I'm in the middle of a BPD episode. Fast forward to a few weeks ago: I was in the ""getting to know you"" stage of a possible relationship and it was going really well. I was open with him about my diagnosis and he reassured me that I wouldn't scare him off. But then I had a really bad episode and he suddenly decided that we aren't compatible because I have struggles and needs that he didn't feel like he could help with. I've been really struggling to believe that I'll ever find someone who will stand beside me through my recovery rather than running away when things get hard. I'm trying so damn hard to get better but it never feels good enough for anyone.",5.337703435804698,5.300971742616035,6.098218806509948,81.49300632911392,67.86075949367088,9.640626883664858,30.85262206148282,9.424239791934726,2.486469801084991,921,33,193,17,14,303,127,237,0.11599999999999999,0.708,0.17600000000000002,0.9285,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,2,12,16,1,4,11,0,18,2,1,0,5,38,36,17,0,6,6,0,8,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,15,13,0,0,9,1,0,4,5,6,1,0,14,9,23,10,29,18,7,34,0,0,0,1,23,12,1,1,22,126,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537015589481495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621990465500848,0.0,0.0,0.09307951026182966,0.0,0.0,0.09823644555638608,0.0,0.08730224043266736,0.127476162393017,0.0,0.0,0.11780197567751165,0.0,0.09247377215978574,0.0,0.0,0.13168816321363885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669634063966438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779554380890972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119833456879137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260807255965706,0.10803720292672993,0.0,0.0,0.18915886276509286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643403844468609,0.2987873441812505,0.0,0.0,0.19112971949431587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185106546491553,0.0,0.05942318230753092,0.08769897058278735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809924738008476,0.0,0.10730750612984044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401671350954284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746278851885438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432861591329768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436840990255503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345784603347932,0.0,0.15372551473547227,0.07752903409349526,0.08064220151028131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971688430401053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787435005995026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511048520160228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094915667097707,0.0,0.10323921258836867,0.22451406767115126,0.0,0.0,0.09945937375351054,0.0,0.10468161104897764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649212960602333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859234193618627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861514450102,0.1196948240401426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694642285422558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991042544909524,0.0,0.07098856979491434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387077193964729,0.0,0.09401092882116474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346648934142018
bpd,tikicheese,2019/03/23,"Professional help in the UK Hey guys, this is just a query. Are there any differences between getting private professional help from an independent psychotherapist vs a private mental health outpatient clinic vs the Community Mental Health Team? Other than the differences in cost I'm not entirely sure.",8.917857142857144,12.023141551020412,8.452806122448981,56.27880102040818,62.06122448979593,12.246938775510205,38.78061224489796,11.698219412168324,6.032791836734692,252,13,32,9,4,80,38,49,0.043,0.85,0.107,0.4975,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,18,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326349719648764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016676595522176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254325552459138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23771820407415445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103903292925709,0.0,0.0,0.3218428308632913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838909074311065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22627375692032103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blood_clot_drip,2019/03/23,"I'm going to ruin everything, please how do I stop? My girlfriend is ghosting me after cancelling all our plans for today because of a bullshit reason. (she got angry at me for a little thing) I already cut myself a little. How do I stop, I want to run away and create chaos for everyone I know amd severely hurt myself. I can't convince myself that we'll be fine. Please help",1.846300000000004,4.249031413333333,3.7995833333333344,84.51937500000003,81.53333333333333,5.3500000000000005,22.708333333333336,6.6274283507984215,0.8850333333333338,296,10,53,3,8,100,56,75,0.345,0.515,0.14,-0.96,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,3,1,9,11,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,15,2,9,8,1,10,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315767230937237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716271103283325,0.0,0.0,0.12792373353452974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005224255663925,0.1886013019436936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926363637847913,0.0,0.16783768631250465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065926447459667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465073435536756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532908284411347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206533463052253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607086047114242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157626416956481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707284659044706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508910685926904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941623744249107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989150064362195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377605196209597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,officialkarlmarx,2019/03/23,"Not sure what to do I’ve had a history of being sexually abused in my past. I was severely emotionally abused by my best friend growing up to the point where it has effected me in every aspect of my life. 
I have been taken advantage of by a couple of my previous partners. However, with my current boyfriend, I’ve been more open than ever about where my boundaries are. This includes oral sex being completely off limits. He has been really supportive and always asked for my consent. 
Fast forward, I have been put on cipralex. It has been making my brain cloudy, but overall works pretty well. Another side effect is the libido. Whenever we kiss, I keep my eyes open and drift off into a day dream. We agreed that sex is a big part of our relationship, and I have said I want to have sex, mostly for him, so we can try to work around it. 
However, recently he’s really been pushing my boundaries. The other night, he started to finger me as I laid completely still, ignoring my body language. I should’ve been more open here, but the signs were there. 
Today, he went down on me. I was literally on my phone wanting 15 Crazy Straw Hacks and he decided that this was a go ahead to do the thing that is EXTREMELY off-limits. This went on for around 10 minutes, until I started to cry and he stopped. He said he was sorry, to which I pointed out that you don’t just slip and fall and eat someone out, especially when you know it’s the one thing that’s off limits. I told him that I had become scared of him to the point where I think if I didn’t cry, he’d be fully okay with raping me. 
I don’t know what to do. I feel at such a loss. I feel like past trauma hasn’t allowed me to be a sexual person, and that I’ll never be in a loving relationship if I can’t let men have what they want. He’s apologized and I don’t want to make him feel bad for this, but I feel really hurt. 
I feel like I’m going to do something self-destructive. My mind has been wandering to the thought of, well I should just kill myself if every man needs sex before they need me to be comfortable. I don’t know if I should go to a sexual violence clinic or crisis centre because I’m feeling so fucked up. 
Another thing is I can’t talk to anyone about this. We have so many mutual friends that I feel like if I tell anyone about this, they’ll have negative associations with him. 
What should I do? ",4.012431802431807,4.833007879417881,5.304524664524664,82.99278901278903,71.03742203742203,8.824066024066026,26.218169218169216,9.095868883498916,1.8961623007623007,1854,56,386,36,33,620,225,481,0.17,0.716,0.114,-0.9921,4,0,1,0,2,1,52.0,5,2,3,10,22,24,3,1,17,1,57,15,4,5,3,74,95,24,1,14,12,0,8,3,3,4,2,2,0,4,27,24,1,5,15,1,0,11,11,9,2,1,23,11,65,15,59,60,5,58,0,2,1,8,42,31,1,7,21,266,92,2,0.0,0.19691301572995532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914346679613702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426916697050726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162068872108586,0.0,0.0,0.1479481220584683,0.07768459686197292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938263043701648,0.050655237603353935,0.09177424863974228,0.07070953505264009,0.0,0.08720530855531962,0.0,0.0,0.09230217567136488,0.0,0.09276387608498808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425151424846266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194539097171643,0.18255658508875736,0.05359077274029248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502910658431152,0.0,0.09347308379426797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516610916325232,0.14002582762362434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941148309351934,0.1780938133246481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284012690464147,0.07682195530230708,0.0,0.0,0.14167803748225885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895719357242979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386054494460474,0.09193465964063434,0.0,0.13700402417824728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497244280262213,0.0586939585797677,0.12179117719682216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499840183652218,0.0,0.11093595564226308,0.08424744460693002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390441037883553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323093414301466,0.06408962745154957,0.0,0.0,0.07798102494184776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630876411899415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998609125371693,0.15865122154103958,0.0,0.07255720646865715,0.0,0.0,0.2356609343675709,0.0,0.0,0.08453965255567647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353556465051921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970244297093053,0.0,0.08204838842769327,0.17843043326193886,0.0,0.0,0.1580887944785148,0.0,0.08319472097127263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668842672245368,0.09387610134206296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040792641340013,0.06397222845606447,0.0,0.09302043089894037,0.11763314899093948,0.0,0.06636147330873139,0.06947291937684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429763546517536,0.07831805919126059,0.0,0.0,0.06679032336720339,0.07263055203037737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561811725520215,0.0532452839439624,0.0,0.06596983714239885,0.0,0.0,0.07876636051416991,0.079402866311158,0.0,0.0564174948881367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605135492868192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942859425171895,0.15406373928931286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099139690610962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tempacct0x,2019/03/23,"I relapsed yesterday. I mean, I'm not really sure what to say about it all. I relapsed and it's been a long time since I've done any drugs. I could feel it coming for a while now, though, so after it was all said and done I wasn't surprised at myself. I also wasn't angry at myself. I feel bad, but I don't at the same time. I've been spending so much time doing what everyone else thinks I should be doing that I guess I just wanted to be in control of something again. Take this medication, go to therapy, do this, do that, I just reached this breaking point, I guess. 

I don't know what the point of this post is. I just wanted to tell someone, I guess. I don't talk to anyone anymore so I don't really know. ",0.9793609022556424,2.6724619736842143,3.0061278195488725,92.84789473684212,80.57894736842105,5.9218045112781965,20.06766917293233,6.868970318607317,0.18807744360902268,548,14,126,6,14,185,80,152,0.040999999999999995,0.9309999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.1831,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,4,0,20,2,0,1,3,26,36,9,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,13,3,0,1,6,0,1,2,7,1,0,0,8,4,20,2,14,24,4,19,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,9,90,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341388523251818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644287348981267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064793015542776,0.09916426333101956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841427991734738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221658921013324,0.0,0.0,0.15906386586828228,0.11323221169939192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29026343250573045,0.0,0.0,0.16446687478361924,0.0,0.1184729160472204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551566405578164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434175165366644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059991712091898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686941506425281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588178930530247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255067710995258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448421314440153,0.0,0.14286933755552714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425446152418033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26813262120521725,0.0,0.1358249351399754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170782001518251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490387034380524,0.11278143601818595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173154685957263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016413696342515,0.10918042915956444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336642402463533,0.0,0.10663144390091908,0.11399002887550748,0.12395745829330945,0.0,0.16218421967867447,0.0,0.0,0.09087291613918418,0.1393380226943138,0.0,0.2480902028519208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729893256046496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,el_upsilamba,2019/03/23,"Just lost another person I love to my disorder Warning this post may be triggering because I might talk about suicidal thoughts and feelings.

I'm a 27 year old woman, living in a shared house. I live in a room in the basement. It feels like solitary confinement here. It's extremely messy. I am extremely depressed.

I had a boyfriend for a year living together. I kept my place because I was afraid of ending up homeless. I moved back in when the fighting became too much after a bunch of traumas we experienced together(him losing a big job, us having to move etc). He remains faithful to me and we see eachother at least once a week. 

I had two really hard day's without sleep. Barely eating. Surrounded by trash. Watching endless videos and my brain turning to mush. No human contact. My head pounding. Suicidal. He texted me and I told him I wanted to spend the night together. He was really happy and picked me up within ten minutes on Friday night. Unfortunately, on the drive back to his place he said he was going to a car show tomorrow with his guy friend. I was immediately upset. Because I would have to go back to my room and if I'm honest mostly because car shows have models. And that triggered me badly. He knows about my disorder. He doesn't understand it. But he's the only person who really knows me and who I can be myself around. Who I'm not afraid to look like shit around. I told him I was upset and that I didn't want him to go and why. He said he wouldn't go but that he was still going to spend the day with his friend. I said I wanted to come. His friend as far as I know still thinks we are together. He said I couldn't come. He has a history of lying and has broken my trust in a few horrible ways and I just knew he was going to go to the show and that I would be going back to the basement.

I couldn't take feeling this level of abandonment and I told him I loved him and that I need him tomorrow and if not I won't ever be able to believe he hadn't gone and I won't be able to see him again. We cried and he insisted he wouldn't go to the show. So I said we could just enjoy our last night together. We had a few good hours. He fell asleep and my thoughts festered. I moved to the couch and in the morning we fought. When we were driving to my house he said the closer we were going to get to the house the worse the arguing was going to be. I didn't argue with him I just cried silently and felt so abandoned and alone. He didn't want me to get out of the car and kept telling me to wait. I just asked him a few times are you leaving me here ? Are you leaving me here ? And I told him goodbye. Knowing that it was going to be the last time I ever see him. 

I know that I won't be able to survive down here much longer. I know I don't want to find anyone else. I had a huge heartbreak before him. All I have ever wanted was to be loved. I can't in good conscience get into any relationship because I feel like I am just a burden and a bomb waiting to go off and ruin someones life. I'm afraid of dying. But I can't imagine anymore years and years of this extreme loneliness. I know I'm fucked up but I wish he would have just stayed and held me. I have always loved stories. And I think having a good life story is important. It's important to leave a mark on the world and have relationships that matter. My life is an insignificant one. I feel like no matter what I'll never get over this fear of being abandoned. I'll never get over the abandonment I've suffered. I just needed to vent. thank you.",1.7623928830791584,3.7005042578875234,3.3855424433147765,89.88446713870735,79.12345679012346,6.263543936092956,22.243221980150086,7.285733465282438,0.7299926410070205,2760,84,588,36,68,914,288,729,0.17800000000000002,0.711,0.111,-0.9938,1,1,0,0,2,0,67.0,11,3,0,3,31,46,6,6,38,0,65,14,5,3,6,127,149,42,3,19,17,0,7,4,3,10,3,6,3,5,21,48,1,10,21,5,2,25,22,25,0,3,40,19,103,21,75,86,10,96,1,10,5,5,87,34,2,5,38,384,124,1,0.15251219396823906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526522125599863,0.0,0.0,0.0423007876262343,0.0,0.0,0.03457117392145944,0.053307444386286124,0.0,0.0,0.05041703838915778,0.03554669070257643,0.05208892192590281,0.0,0.09051212472969468,0.04752610457581997,0.0,0.0,0.15636328419421933,0.04244710384162724,0.15495002979338796,0.0,0.04325888133770299,0.057276338723388776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056751349093138385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758383383405788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040589525617822766,0.0,0.11168498910213066,0.06557183206033718,0.0,0.04378617639551243,0.0,0.05276119292297047,0.0,0.11652812488295672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201934971349096,0.042468122707724536,0.0,0.04502684527946897,0.0,0.05669713701745643,0.0,0.13795601093215884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720620637603663,0.12852457958172872,0.10895474184428723,0.04881187443844303,0.0,0.046464460765204885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783054273700685,0.04699835525829475,0.13280221106622375,0.0,0.3755968427338377,0.12791999240852647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033701665384505,0.0,0.05411735547730459,0.045540323115912655,0.0,0.05217383692681278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006459660557597,0.17597859516022096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044827316529755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557233095516416,0.0828785290769907,0.0,0.16148839238997867,0.0,0.0,0.107723872921185,0.09934633904586863,0.0,0.1346710614268767,0.0,0.04269061058524918,0.05687404464736107,0.05549502525094261,0.0,0.18353094603991996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393044549937954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620963260058626,0.0747426738964026,0.07539057290163761,0.07841787071121918,0.0,0.0,0.1431223625798356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053345297419073866,0.05414016970554094,0.034448736559827345,0.03866413199183785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877851006900843,0.10622852142067388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868817451909538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770321675397324,0.0,0.0,0.10916068015108453,0.0,0.0,0.29014804280959194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153247277236892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052183858483093135,0.0,0.0,0.0508741121502551,0.0,0.04307436234283765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418590212567855,0.08119762340737867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112157243136756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03822339649579616,0.040861174817480084,0.04443412659176647,0.04680424584882553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514910381490825,0.0,0.08071843082226776,0.059287391182303535,0.0,0.0,0.19430924947085365,0.0,0.0,0.055296490686158856,0.04966075087281538,0.05292352418411299,0.061151130337545725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991128691431882,0.0403523602378967,0.04077869420253174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458728444340157,0.0,0.058460498785730175,0.04900543752501633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518076517116278,0.10834028680642248,0.0,0.0,0.13095047014246805
bpd,Clairabel,2019/03/23,"I warned you I had baggage, you should've done some damn reading I am open about my BPD. I have been since I was diagnosed. My family and friends know about it, my husband has been with me through the diagnosis, therapy and all that. I'm a good mother to my daughter despite it, and I'm proud of that.

I start talking to a new friend, who thinks I'm an amazing person. I told him I had baggage, I had BPD and a lot of stuff I was dealing with. He gave me the whole 'who doesn't have baggage' spiel and that was that. 

Fast forward a few months. I have a bad BPD relapse that lasts a few weeks. He sees how bad it can get, and rips into me about it. I remind him that I warned him, to which he replies that I didn't warn him EXACTLY of what it meant. And I had to laugh. 

All he had to do was Google borderline personality disorder. Hell, he could've gone one better and ASKED ME instead of giving me that whole thing about his own baggage and trauma. I would have happily told him what happens when I get bad - and also how to help me through it because I went through therapy damn it. But all he did was make it worse, and wouldn't accept that. 

He even had the audacity to tell me he was trying to stop me imploding and destroying my life. I had to laugh - you think this is bad? Baby, you ain't seen nothing.

I'm doing much better now. Revisiting therapy exercises, keeping a closer eye on myself. Keeping my distance from someone who said he was understanding and yet, tore me down when I needed a friend the most.",2.932936893203884,4.278840194174759,4.20989077669903,87.81153519417477,74.24271844660194,7.350647249190938,26.46723300970873,7.937092434478242,1.4066320388349514,1176,42,255,17,24,387,152,309,0.136,0.735,0.129,-0.3586,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,4,0,3,13,20,4,0,13,0,33,4,1,3,4,40,60,19,0,3,1,3,0,0,3,2,3,1,0,2,26,17,0,3,6,2,0,3,4,9,0,1,27,4,46,11,26,31,12,19,1,0,3,0,40,6,3,3,12,180,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247876021406747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964193345270568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444609266035108,0.0628714635502749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824328968352714,0.0,0.0,0.3896929777959405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823466405203876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632989691938166,0.0,0.10468205986445143,0.0,0.0,0.11820413597095875,0.0,0.0,0.1055451367329052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812113024529738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972285480003123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23905057271292496,0.0,0.10776983242377268,0.0989385745766162,0.0,0.08650656764192617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120386172071893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913067321503727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833461169662224,0.0,0.0,0.056681493167670224,0.08407056176291827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284883562020603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768353650720592,0.0,0.0,0.06884486404142001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823231077305443,0.0,0.07581768948017788,0.07647490714490192,0.0,0.09961052464764736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896289939248798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988841782935327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011080305353888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316508366944672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810706996964864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821869738937908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531613553199698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738779223211915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300102209567197,0.0,0.0,0.08622729504368136,0.0,0.0,0.11806738805950474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289775312028481,0.09014643540655057,0.0,0.3538390384376225,0.0,0.06851975507981932,0.13217227228977485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710397784172207,0.0,0.07002337055906836,0.0,0.0,0.10736943471809318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273041927132578,0.0,0.0,0.095609192922883,0.0,0.2302979414651692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510559083325638,0.07326568875203256,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kirbythis,2019/03/23,"I’m really struggling This is my first post here, and I’m just reaching out because I’m feeling really lost. 

I can’t control my thoughts, and it’s scaring me. I’m so paranoid about what others think of me, and I’m constantly playing out scenarios in my head about what is going to happen in the future because of things I’ve done or said. I really hate myself. 

I’m at a point now where I’m finding it so hard to cope, and I’m not sure what to do. ",2.590530191458029,3.401222721649489,4.6555228276877765,86.36587628865982,74.36082474226805,7.604712812960236,27.259204712812963,7.957251820313856,1.5818111929307808,352,13,77,5,7,122,60,97,0.196,0.752,0.053,-0.9316,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,1,2,2,0,5,1,1,1,1,15,21,7,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,3,8,2,12,17,0,13,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,1,4,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25546359147713044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22643503171850074,0.2350135359130967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144290761672183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059481909645872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151300001289145,0.17823204477269616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908469226175647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529285590057298,0.0,0.1877039732701696,0.2068743832596565,0.21504538883016205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873436162973884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980801706883775,0.0,0.20067850167080398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027042570453192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931764769324334,0.0,0.20978306703127425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905354270604285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748612014400269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392070562014733,0.13426283351046414,0.0,0.16634895346382464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cashmeresquirrel,2019/03/23,"Mood swings and breakups I’m breaking up with my bf cause I feel like he doesn’t listen to me or is interested in me. We recently had a terrible trip with his family and I wanted to talk about what happened. We never did but I kept texting and leaving messages trying to explain why I needed to talk. He said we’d talked “as nauseum” about it. I disagree. 

Now we are breaking up which I get is the best thing to do. But I can’t stop swinging from rage and being vicious to omg what did I do hysterical crying apologies. 

Suggestions on moving forward, getting over it, calming the swings...

I loved him and don’t want him to hurt him more than I already have. And I want to be strong for me.   ",2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,4.047142857142859,86.82619047619049,76.14285714285714,6.666666666666666,27.380952380952376,7.492282038375204,1.5120238095238083,540,22,110,7,12,179,92,140,0.165,0.6729999999999999,0.161,-0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,4,0,0,2,3,11,2,0,3,0,15,1,0,1,1,24,29,10,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,6,11,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,3,23,6,21,21,2,14,0,1,0,1,21,6,0,1,6,80,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125904892195204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021708883981692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790128866929052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161341896357888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161021943176614,0.0,0.09740798982851792,0.13762688325035247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129996093887112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035689291658473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062323401165118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398510197477945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411747557134377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387122159098925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475301723354614,0.0,0.14284513091324752,0.14858105697508106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902154336113858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325118364349424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106131682476954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645265030964038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279859466318153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079450381737096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408841496081597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383373587276918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nikolakis7,2019/03/23,"How accurately does the song ""Lithium"" by nirvana describe the BPD experience? Long story short, I had a discussion with a friend about the song and he said it reminds him of schizophrenia. I said I thought it's bipolar, but after some reading on Wikipedia and YouTube interviews, I think it fits BPD best. But alas, I have none of the above disorders, so I though Imma post this here and get feedback of you guys.
How well can you relate to the song?
",6.7965882352941165,7.084967247058824,6.171764705882352,81.09294117647059,64.76470588235293,9.15294117647059,35.82352941176471,8.841846274778883,2.93104705882353,356,16,68,5,5,109,62,85,0.031,0.8420000000000001,0.128,0.8504,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,7,3,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,8,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,5,9,3,9,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,2,46,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264982429886656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5436557952280309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473576656576976,0.0,0.1888725977107001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112126574105705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674823080339748,0.0,0.11276125813065928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137037208514949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100104944186166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067036298108231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158864752424992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106038356927022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829391192498014,0.21204998207358414,0.1713433786375872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405535403163227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,-wen-,2019/03/23,"Having the BPD talk with SO Sorry for the rambling post, I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts organised and stopping them from overlapping and looping at the moment.  


So, my(26) boyfriend(29) knows I'm borderline but has a bit of a blasé attitude when it comes to health things ('it's nothing serious' 'everyone has that stuff' 'you research too much' and doesn't like hearing explanations of why I do things, or why I fucked up on something - everything is an excuse to him. Apparently Danes have a very stiff upper lip mentality paired with muted expressivity and keeping emotions under the surface.) He's not wrong, I don't take enough accountability and it's something I'm working on but it seems like he never cares about context when I think it actually matters, so I've been putting off having the proper discussion about what it is and what it means for me. Partly due to that fear of rejection, partly because whenever I talk about that stuff I find it hard to organise my thoughts and structure my words in a coherent and factual way that gets across the relation between the scientific side and my symptoms/the effects. I see it as everything feeds into each other and he hates that style of talking, he always wants to stay focused on the matter at hand while I float around linking things together, so I'm really dreading this talk. Also it's really difficult with something like this where a lot of the defining factors can sound vague or like issues everyone has to some degree, and since I'm putting in the work to heal and am now at a medium-functioning level, he never saw how bad it used to be.  


I'm going to get some articles together to read through with him as I think that showing him clear concise data and things like neuroimaging will be useful, as many of you know it can be difficult to get people to understand invisible diseases. Does anyone have any simple, but peer reviewed (not opinion blog type things) information? And if anyone has had this talk before I would appreciate some tips, any tips!  


To top it off I'm leaving on Sunday to live in Amsterdam (I'm in the UK) for a couple of months, it doesn't seem that long/that far away for him, he doesn't even consider it a long distance relationship (even though he won't have income to visit during that time) but I'm a bit nervous about our relationship when it's fairly new and we've been through rough times recently. Anyone have some pearls of wisdom?

​",10.239509803921573,8.120331442265798,9.607994553376908,67.05447549019607,59.19607843137257,12.752984749455335,41.03278867102397,11.308507894218259,4.5995384749455335,1968,83,342,41,20,632,244,459,0.124,0.7979999999999999,0.078,-0.9725,3,0,3,0,0,0,47.0,1,2,1,4,20,19,2,3,21,0,30,7,2,4,4,68,66,36,0,3,9,0,3,5,0,3,3,2,0,0,37,23,1,4,14,3,1,5,9,12,0,0,6,7,23,7,61,54,12,52,0,1,2,1,28,27,1,11,22,224,60,6,0.0,0.0,0.07796877299080228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389427915161594,0.06648140894985682,0.08656928353463635,0.09708462901373482,0.10866655116009118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675992964215948,0.0,0.0,0.07112602290345298,0.0,0.0,0.07506665706493995,0.0,0.06671136467166236,0.04870498577240683,0.0,0.06798718279991471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445551050361496,0.0,0.10062854098070984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814611796381973,0.0,0.0,0.06882492030606023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840544770871485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699191440823047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898743235981067,0.0,0.08255583369719095,0.0,0.10554354844131746,0.0,0.0,0.15269163296619154,0.14361406556892778,0.0,0.0,0.08990729047788562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302518442588994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386427183118381,0.12522998173958286,0.0,0.04540778753468298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157277712011077,0.07888258232867609,0.0,0.08492767486619802,0.09005068004632842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339259385810299,0.0,0.14203375448903247,0.0,0.0,0.08781953409061631,0.0,0.0,0.08460028333274526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951702605439017,0.0,0.07055126244567363,0.14141416020816822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792629210297915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100387610600167,0.0,0.08703217792891553,0.0,0.0,0.08051823731452648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377369897791957,0.0,0.05873411049952688,0.0,0.12324428986509775,0.07716583823225523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666413877979751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304316400784578,0.0,0.05539110683502257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652005134813443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606388077636467,0.0,0.0,0.07991946820693333,0.0,0.10236921301372363,0.0,0.07888948468292488,0.17156077287478194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366823942269673,0.14547199779198186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609232444413929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845277975702644,0.0,0.08943909806428525,0.0,0.08516047385131964,0.0,0.06679817744241559,0.0,0.0,0.182927838192444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007323731990204,0.3210943135640041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654028956732318,0.10239062808252407,0.07849922873387316,0.12685993123111092,0.09317815388185334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317647617912383,0.0,0.13801217304390873,0.0,0.06592409111921879,0.047125820074281455,0.06341919178364883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441907586902514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163331679744312,0.0,0.0,0.056757137925059965,0.08735575280864913,0.09708462901373482,0.0
bpd,teetee123123,2019/03/23,"Becoming obsessed with people I have crushes on Ok so,  I have a problem of developing crushes and then becoming obsessed with said crush. For example last month it was my dentist. Then, I looked him up on Facebook and saw he was married so I spent a few days upset. Now it is my tutor. I found him on Instagram and saw he follows a bunch of Instagram models and that made me so upset! Anyone else go through anything similar? ",2.9945121951219487,5.405680097560975,4.668475609756096,79.84832317073172,77.29268292682926,7.514634146341463,32.201219512195124,8.472884824447931,2.9848975609756097,336,18,59,7,8,113,54,82,0.223,0.752,0.025,-0.9334,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,4,3,1,5,1,0,1,0,9,14,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,8,4,10,1,10,6,2,12,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,0,6,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180918940899725,0.2651125154319852,0.21292322991416826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715220591234876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668676629910726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614635934940066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836980609323353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470494627025668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090986822648766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727873680477566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448286381105963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065259876864816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937963818142702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24758185961012866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461235986234612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lllllllamb,2019/03/23,"FP someone you’re not close with Does anyone else have this? My FP transitioned from my ex to a crush shortly before the breakup. The relationship was very unhealthy if that’s at all significant. However, attention from my FP sends me into endless daydreams while lack of any attention makes me feel like nothing. 

I guess what I’m curious to know is, does anyone else have a FP that they aren’t even close with yet can manage to set your emotions on a rollercoaster just based on their behaviors? 

It’s so damn frustrating and don’t know how to manage this. If anyone can help shed some light on this, please do. I feel helpless.",4.352,6.428963533333337,4.528333333333336,83.97000000000001,72.0,8.133333333333335,27.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.208733333333334,504,19,95,10,10,157,84,120,0.138,0.768,0.09300000000000001,-0.7716,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,5,4,2,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,1,22,16,6,0,3,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,3,10,1,14,15,3,12,0,1,0,0,7,8,1,4,3,58,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061280263994252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028951612508067,0.3935926558173472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343569192710736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361599413722704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208962786345973,0.21605060922977007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685907959088524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942306684225116,0.13721339272929353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158451762235686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873910846720432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111110613460229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383470607823573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820685821573086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842943927290911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108329488827596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620911521557025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273856364577044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847618629005336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ninaw0,2019/03/23,Can you forgive someone who lied to you? If they lied something small,2.10923076923077,4.975895692307695,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,92.07692307692308,2.6,29.57692307692308,3.1291,0.6894923076923076,56,3,10,0,2,16,11,13,0.301,0.578,0.121,-0.4767,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7401230539777836,0.6724714603390979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MaybeLater8,2019/03/23,"I'll never have kids because of my bpd. I'm 22 I don't want to have kids because of my bpd because I guess it's possible that I won't be able to handle it and I might have a tantrum or whatever or get really angry. Just today I got angry and hit myself in the head. My boyfriend accidently pinched me and because it was a shock I started crying then I wanted him to go away because I wanted a breather so I didn't get angry and he wouldn't leave and so I start becoming hysterical and hit myself in the head.

Now he's angry at me for fuck knows what. He should of gone away.
I don't give a fuck about what he thinks no more. I'm done with it. I just want my life with me and my cat and that's it.

I get sick of people and start to dislike them easily so that's another reason why I don't want kids. Anyway I just ranted here because I'm still angry.",0.7597841051314163,2.322159590425535,3.221877346683357,91.66029411764707,80.75531914893618,6.125657071339173,20.63329161451815,7.048011613610866,0.34323742177722183,665,18,155,8,17,231,92,188,0.25,0.731,0.019,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,11,4,3,0,6,0,14,6,2,1,1,29,39,15,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,10,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,5,0,27,0,17,27,1,15,0,0,0,2,10,5,2,4,8,99,37,0,0.12418745259503107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302213721493538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23335639942797376,0.0,0.0,0.4542211106140179,0.13715528447858766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128194983111379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641408528211693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270868809673165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296185975883106,0.1946484549984624,0.11913192061244758,0.07057859121072428,0.0,0.09932405057994342,0.0,0.1368064800506313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549043088868859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825017616376522,0.0,0.0,0.13149658104554388,0.0,0.0,0.08771727042716858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174326202292785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578101935489372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609594297085163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400026932932653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955766213384173,0.12768538465871415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637015544082209,0.0,0.09917626006186407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957430515333988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771518420239835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662448856324878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120598598444188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,homesweetnosweethome,2019/03/23,"Going through a 7 day old breakup, and a 3 day old diagnosis I was diagnosed with bpd 3 days ago. I had never heard of it before then, but reading up on it I realized how perfectly I fit the diagnosis.


I had been seeing this guy for about 1 1/2 months- never official, which makes it feel worse. I would have these “brain funks” where I would completely shut down- I couldn’t speak at all, I knew what I wanted to say, but it felt like there was a physical barrier preventing me. I attribute it to mismanaged anxiety but I can’t be sure.
He tried to be supportive, telling me that I could tell him anything, asking if something was triggering it, asking if there was anything he could do to help, but it was too much for me to overcome. 
We lay in his bed for a couple of hours, and he told me that he had been in an on/off again thing for the past six years, which was currently off for the past six months. She would go back and forth between him and another guy and couldn’t choose one over the other.
He then said that he didn’t know what he would do if it was ever on again.

This of course set me off.

I felt like a second choice. He tried telling me that I wasn’t a second choice but a chance at a “different happiness”. But my mind was already set. He held me and said he was afraid that I only liked him because he was nice to me. And then said he was afraid that he didn’t know if he liked me or if he was jut lonely.
I stayed for a bit longer and then took a cab home- hesitantly hugged him before leaving, felt repulsed with myself. Cried the entire way home, got a text from him saying that I wasn’t a second choice and that if I wanted to keep seeing each other it was up to me. I sent him one last text asking if he wanted to see each other after everything that went on that night.

He responded the next day saying that he didn’t think I was ready for a relationship, that he hoped it got better for me, and we should stop seeing each other. I asked to talk about it but he said it wouldn’t work.


I overdosed that afternoon.


I’ve been admitted to a psych ward, this is my 6th day here. It hurts just as bad as it did that day. I’m dealing with my diagnosis on top of my breakup and after a positive first few days I am now in my bed after crying to nurses who don’t understand. I don’t know if I really liked him or if I was just attached. I’ve realized that I’ve been coping with my lack of self by latching onto guys and distracting myself with them and their personalities. Most days I’m more focused on getting him back than I am on getting better. 

This is so new and so raw and I can’t see myself ever getting out of this.

I just need to talk to someone who understands.",3.993456349206351,4.325598353571433,5.079166666666668,86.35361111111112,70.82142857142857,8.507936507936508,25.734126984126984,8.515128840125781,1.4306567460317459,2098,57,466,32,36,693,236,560,0.077,0.789,0.134,0.9882,2,2,1,0,0,0,50.0,2,0,2,6,20,20,0,3,22,0,51,3,1,4,7,96,99,42,0,25,21,0,4,5,0,6,1,9,4,5,46,26,0,5,15,1,0,5,14,6,0,8,44,18,64,14,64,43,10,73,0,2,5,1,66,23,0,13,46,321,110,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951893287409036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409485965774719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040613506254445,0.05136482787881223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105072627794235,0.0,0.25108157978945383,0.0,0.0,0.1032588846880961,0.056062273487195884,0.04093024098669836,0.0,0.11426886721661846,0.0,0.0,0.11876648020764087,0.07330364615788275,0.0,0.08456527329105043,0.07495469338727162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039900322187465,0.0,0.0,0.1072177312446148,0.07429334434391002,0.14750863632109013,0.34641760208082784,0.06922231580502244,0.0,0.06814954981618601,0.0,0.07015098653427894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147083332921492,0.0,0.0,0.060344523456835775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033949925805169014,0.0,0.19340575020623732,0.0,0.0,0.057112487160437764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523960227219396,0.0,0.07631874466208388,0.0,0.10740207086852133,0.0,0.0,0.19944877309225706,0.0,0.0714758301176983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500507789200014,0.0,0.13470142416086034,0.06668894953428707,0.06612312390970278,0.0,0.07187883312147071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968049992507335,0.0,0.0,0.11070143959588938,0.05473116352845436,0.0,0.07109559584994228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401536045667645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04481901194583349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779610360420438,0.0,0.10718709086486268,0.0,0.049358423142112084,0.0497862814402788,0.10357088508320243,0.06484790632206996,0.07140819950747876,0.06300991357008724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140912259376859,0.0,0.09099676140502344,0.05106589014786258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281927207874526,0.0,0.05862738162118766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716197615833759,0.0,0.04301404149720699,0.0,0.0,0.07208731987359786,0.0,0.0,0.2554765414770777,0.16018634867543416,0.0,0.0,0.2675246015825916,0.0,0.07004563327273472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056890729010880874,0.05169058227829682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156636352516255,0.0,0.05613522839255725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619399546178245,0.06328224262630955,0.0,0.0,0.10793529594728984,0.1760599380193283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460736126373015,0.043023039794946406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641587841043925,0.0745992391079437,0.09117247380098616,0.0,0.0,0.13979814018813042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188094694052187,0.053295627987986864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224298093121495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888149051300123,0.0,0.0684252746623979,0.19078813358808894,0.0,0.0,0.04323840972634474
bpd,bpdthrowaway86,2019/03/23,"I can’t live another day, another hour, another minute.. I just turned 20 years old and I’m broke and unemployed. I suffered years of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my father. I finally got out of it only to have my beloved Mother and best friend die tragically a year ago. Any family that is not abusive is gone. I’m staying with a friend and her family because I am homeless, and she is getting sick of me. I can’t seem to find a job, and any job that I do find absolutely must be within walking distance. I have like 50$ to my name. The one and only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I have a sweet little anxious dog to look after, and the thought of abandoning her breaks my heart more than living ever could. ..But I can’t take it anymore. I have nothing left. I have stopped eating because I don’t care anymore, I deserve to starve. I deserve to feel pain until I can’t take it anymore. I am worthless. I am a drain and a raincloud despite all my efforts to just be normal. All I want is to exist peacefully. Borderline has ruined my life. I’m splitting constantly. I’ve tried DBT and didn’t find much relief at all. I would absolutely be willing to give DBT another try but I have no means to get therapy. People keep telling me that it will be better, the harder I work the better my life will become, but I can’t see it. I try so hard and I just end up feeling worthless and the only thing that keeps me from being completely empty is self hatred. My glasses broke and I have absolutely no means to fix them. Everyone that I care about including the friend I’m staying with is just fed up with me. Everything is tense and I try to avoid her so I don’t piss her off with something stupid I do but that’s impossible. I can’t take it anymore. I have an elaborate plan for committing suicide but even as I write this, my dog is staring up at me with her beautiful big eyes and asking to be loved. I can’t hurt her, but I can’t live like this. I am going to go on a long walk tomorrow to apply for more jobs in the area, but I don’t even want to. I want to hurt myself badly and give myself the ultimate punishment for being the way that I am. I’m all kinds of fucked up and have been through several treatment programs, have tried medication and different drugs but nothing seems to help regulate my emotions. I have a medical issue that needs addressing but because I don’t have the means to fix it I am suffering from pain and discomfort and I secretly wish that it will kill me. So I’m sitting here absolutely uncomfortable in several different ways and I have this weird mix of “please please make it stop” and “I fucking deserve this” ",2.546555555555557,4.478857229629631,4.2467592592592585,84.6529166666667,76.7037037037037,7.6851851851851825,26.99074074074073,8.536127082880203,2.020851851851852,2104,85,424,43,48,707,239,540,0.213,0.6679999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.9963,7,1,2,0,1,7,48.0,0,0,1,6,13,38,7,2,20,0,60,17,4,2,7,80,103,37,4,9,14,2,4,2,3,6,8,0,1,1,23,29,2,6,13,0,0,5,17,24,0,1,6,9,73,14,55,83,8,46,0,11,4,3,23,17,3,2,20,287,96,6,0.0,0.15222244870409754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694288562798418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736773968564633,0.26943550919207554,0.0,0.07257036802828759,0.2548263299193875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005362071716646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363583439876909,0.15663493404102904,0.0709455431584001,0.0,0.0,0.06741355089747755,0.11362613159091015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098932580699235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735205413154112,0.06941818216193991,0.0,0.0512886128223225,0.0,0.0,0.04142803168308356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666863814446441,0.1342295437776783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449539081042028,0.06573125076270214,0.0,0.14451763536646942,0.056895575865889565,0.0,0.0,0.08485685031206698,0.05810671861367042,0.0,0.06138191880918845,0.05773274370941624,0.0,0.1211152591569292,0.0,0.06496106864993363,0.0,0.0,0.0703693104347769,0.17613640725612534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888976880352706,0.11877352146585365,0.06712314156569597,0.12324539805351765,0.07301558241572871,0.0,0.05137679341977222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754440251624687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612203787863671,0.04305720683037111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326123974904642,0.0,0.13753567061316105,0.0,0.0,0.06704751696013482,0.191238151509234,0.1141949197457384,0.14213909587842666,0.06689372691567347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979449859730544,0.0,0.09074603896577214,0.06276663549378103,0.06438309699473405,0.1701693188762325,0.05684838344933611,0.05394352764975319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057977073451080004,0.0,0.04287919403040637,0.0,0.0,0.20992121083421986,0.0,0.12942554116173785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722213433672707,0.04763147444013635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293935176448667,0.12327569889045133,0.0,0.06740670809951878,0.0,0.04352915893304652,0.14656710067361325,0.13670698092214326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453436454178543,0.0,0.0,0.1410275089642179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604710130156119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118916638783022,0.1169592620632327,0.06701397843652139,0.14514073605657518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945335496763048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693777950101904,0.0,0.10741126346536534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026566752450056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489637071044184,0.0,0.05614662108449197,0.0,0.07346146051684604,0.0,0.04267670383103416,0.0,0.0,0.05099759461405084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806606307326554,0.06987222092564313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366726016702378,0.10197786493959916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387023725905772,0.0,0.0,0.04676584389534492,0.0,0.0,0.04563265143322326,0.0,0.0,0.12410100622897614
bpd,redmetalrobin,2019/08/31,"Anyone else treat friendships just like relationships? I’m having a hard time not latching on to a friendship and having trouble setting boundaries, any suggestions on good realistic practices?",11.503999999999998,13.97790606666667,9.140000000000004,56.25000000000003,55.0,10.0,48.33333333333334,10.125756701596842,6.038333333333334,162,10,17,3,2,48,27,30,0.10800000000000001,0.525,0.3670000000000001,0.8708,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,10,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791063734568462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28698209534128155,0.4205338855152706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342861475962658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442490869694278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676645305656076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200515293972234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406480617387975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393249471684643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,randomdudek2,2019/08/31,"""My Tamed Pain"" Just posting this poem in hopes of reaching someone who feels alone in their suffering. I wrote this when I was feeling panicked and attacked. It helped me a lot to get it all out. BPD sucks!! But you're never alone! (The spacing isn't perfect, I know!)

The breath of relief at the end of that day.
Like rising above the surface of the sea.
After the protector of misery was on a drowning spree and his recent victim was me. Then suddenly, he receded and I was free. I've been struggling internally for a while. Thinking I have no place, no one cares, and I've clearly succumbed. So why should I smile? Seems like I've been defective. A vexation. Because, even though you spurn the same religion you preach, you have the audacity to believe that because of my hesitation, I'm obviously not someone you want in your future. So you cut the relation.
""It's probably fine"". 
A phrase that I hate after all this time.
It's just that I cant help but feel like shit when i think about people who speak of their hindrance, then continue it.
I crave success for everyone. You and I.
And I'll support you to the end. But you wont. 
Why?
It's a convenience for you but it isnt for me.
Then when I'm screaming for help, you disregard it. Like how dare I ask for one when I gave you three. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that when I reach out, you dont respond and I feel bad. It's a small thing, but for me to see that is like an anorexic trying to see they're not fat. I'm sorry for if we're close then I push you away. Theres nothing I want more than just for you to stay. But the idea of losing someone I may love is like a starless night sky when looking above. I ask myself why thrive for support if I cant get it anyway? Then I get through and the fears pass away. So alone I will fight through this, day after day.
Seven.
Seven scars and countless entreaties I've sent up to heaven. That's what it's taken for me to free these thoughts.
I can tell you now that I've connected the dots. After being rejected and feeling neglected, I've finally kneaded these knots.
So now I know and can speak to it.
That if you cant see me for who I am and want to leave, do it. If you've been a hypocrite, it's YOUR pain that you'll have to relieve. I've ""needed"" things that I couldn't achieve. But I've realized, if I had these things, there wouldn't be any gain! The pretentious nature of people I've dealt with has no place in my life and it's really a shame. So this is me standing up. 
I'm done dealing with what I shouldnt have to. I've risen above this sea and I've emptied my cup. That pain from the past, no one should bear. If there's something about me that you just cant do...
I dont care.",0.8150250316665648,2.9175583950177963,2.423491766692805,94.65317178358166,83.37722419928826,5.518354544906209,21.26919597080645,6.772648465950304,0.3266366125821816,2086,66,471,24,59,681,237,562,0.195,0.6920000000000001,0.113,-0.9904,0,5,1,0,1,0,83.0,0,20,2,5,27,40,7,3,26,0,41,8,3,1,6,74,83,46,1,16,19,0,5,6,0,8,5,3,0,0,45,19,1,2,13,0,2,4,19,20,0,6,14,12,65,22,57,58,5,58,2,4,4,1,42,19,2,10,38,308,110,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472141819306175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410652318828794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876395491357064,0.09051599598855474,0.14950675356090962,0.0,0.06643295404143207,0.09700344453548047,0.0,0.0,0.08964183733875478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002085817181242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224242540083988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393737539538174,0.08202740699709303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142200959639748,0.18649777815193466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094089218629538,0.0,0.0,0.05255153853830602,0.0,0.0,0.07602719780414778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953207486766025,0.20115076685571207,0.056840826208416524,0.0,0.08715891564741064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470735177523655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855337680922063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999102882867378,0.0,0.0,0.07902540592640303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981852765056922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745303144218397,0.0,0.0,0.08424721578096821,0.0,0.0,0.05619869163621604,0.23322689342869815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681406066223174,0.08901221643543937,0.0,0.06764281114157664,0.07180998112934589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899599750572435,0.06136497345522636,0.0,0.0,0.07466580343574977,0.0,0.07634419162688293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174469814499445,0.0,0.25398640710674103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595322664236942,0.11031987946240324,0.0,0.166255735791994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620070552413667,0.0,0.0857838847283512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050970994648885284,0.0,0.07856025035745103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902075865611958,0.07243244529020383,0.0,0.0,0.08167171746855796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022439842700957,0.06125256546460325,0.0,0.2671975091705348,0.0,0.08480506842208957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317799048123213,0.0,0.0,0.18057748585246888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954279615296444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857716409341244,0.10196331499375078,0.07817162308748961,0.06316524944928563,0.04639464388837543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401900765982953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078744099606458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538349782861665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jar00d,2019/08/31,"People on this subreddit with BPD, did you move on immediately after your significant other left you? I just need closure -- I keep thinking that if I leave that she'll actually be devastated and need to take a lot of time to move on, but everywhere I read that people with BPD find new people almost immediately, or will immediately find people to have sex/fill the void with after I am gone.  I think what's really keeping me from truly moving on and cutting all ties with her is that I don't want to be another statistic. I don't want to be just another guy that she used in her games... 

People on here with BPD, when your partner left you, did any of you mourn your loss and take actual time before moving on to someone else? If this is what happens to everyone, please be real with me and don't try to spare my feelings.",8.995065731814197,6.375835202453987,9.490201577563543,68.49693251533746,62.00613496932515,12.50446976336547,35.55565293602103,10.914260884657429,3.6052425942156,650,20,127,13,7,221,92,163,0.09300000000000001,0.857,0.051,-0.5894,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,7,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,15,0,0,1,1,32,29,9,1,6,6,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,2,5,2,0,5,3,3,0,0,3,1,22,0,26,20,2,20,0,2,0,0,14,9,0,5,6,88,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.20914616926918828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073056534194308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287274132654488,0.22473402924450145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118560095644708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048942876351099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951875709326013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239634692629804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418351406429106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958853140430024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610563592949512,0.09476158084716263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049816047384646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346738251363088,0.23286015916618424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110393328668838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555781515873904,0.0,0.1589161458619376,0.0,0.10349617446606417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714576157140483,0.0,0.0,0.11762993088357147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071893912418154,0.12197198662556348,0.06864969118934165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079665249281653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611425571945129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732810464422912,0.0,0.0,0.12497217280989845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275487205512242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925521724833829,0.0,0.0,0.1264119514022323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashley-anne,2019/08/31,Why would a guy just sleep with you a bunch of times then block you out of the blue? Who would do such a thing?,-1.2493333333333323,0.6402158000000036,-0.5399999999999991,113.77666666666669,91.0,3.333333333333334,8.333333333333334,3.1291,-2.751666666666667,85,0,25,0,3,25,20,25,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185682573358323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230343767227092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28084242152554445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24649673002888425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814472495623557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.60058922919057,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SoftandPure,2019/08/31,"Does anyone here has BPD with psychotic symptoms? When I have really stressful BPD episodes, they end up in psychotic episodes, that most of the time ended up with my hospitalization. 
Also I sometimes experience auditory/visual/tactile hallucinations. 

I was wondering if anyone else here has the same diagnosis and maybe some tips :)",9.044444444444443,11.624572888888896,8.904629629629632,55.26583333333339,60.85185185185186,12.066666666666668,39.425925925925924,11.698219412168324,5.789792592592592,272,14,36,9,4,88,43,54,0.066,0.879,0.055,-0.1513,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,4,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106187539765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991384136616617,0.21917367223626444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388184096370436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719203145771854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869239874215254,0.0,0.37891738451234136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924273344578664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489899181767103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703472199409114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115601416077001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503049748323305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223319585929146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473127454257806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319737284825445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Orpheuslily,2019/08/31,"Got banned from another sub for questioning the rule of no bpd peeps I am a survivor of abuse at the hands of a likely bpd mother,  but i have also had really wonderful friendships with people who have bpd and i asked why not just ban abusers and victim blaming behavior on the sub and i got banned for BPD like behavior?  I do not have bpd. I just know not everyone is a fucking monster and thinking that way blindly hurts way more people than it helps. 

I am looking for perspective from yall.  My mom is SUPER emotional outwardly and splits on anyone close to her who suggests she is acting inappropriately or directing anger at people who don't deserve it.  She is going to therapy but is pushing me hard through my dad (we are no contact right now for the safety of my heart) and like i want her to be accountable for the horrible things she has done to me and i don't want her to fall into,  well I am the worst person ever obviously so now you have to reassure me i am not a bad person or i will collapse into depression. Do any of you empathize with where she is at, and have any tips to help her come to a place where she can own what she's done and repair the damage without feeling victimized or like i am punishing her by asking to be treated with empathy and respect? 
She has some wicked trauma and i want to be empathetic to her but it is so hard to trust her and repeatedly get treated like an inanimate extension of her own chaotic self. What can i do to make this less terrible?",5.094051571882726,5.634852248322147,6.246976333451077,78.21015718827272,68.46308724832215,9.763617096432355,31.456022606852702,9.811843763644266,2.946460402684564,1182,47,231,26,19,397,155,298,0.20800000000000002,0.585,0.207,-0.3936,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,1,3,0,1,12,24,5,0,13,0,34,4,2,1,2,48,51,21,0,3,13,3,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,11,20,0,3,5,0,1,5,9,12,1,0,5,6,40,12,40,42,6,24,0,3,2,1,36,13,1,6,9,179,51,0,0.0,0.2298226260418363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775588337728835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190619082029192,0.10169718198367032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781413581002868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813356825361344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097838667299243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6107457808711568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354395141986162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353299995017355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984985636097733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909502097762702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772844462925995,0.0,0.09267328105880572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049038507508944944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966102844850672,0.05067063627649728,0.0,0.055118785158214285,0.0,0.15513545711373314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375894045693818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149276390825363,0.1300139424641381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382440061841823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330039509784442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369097514820621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144293622897793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473821081266153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358760756997513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017114695348228,0.16936704429690752,0.10132863617031423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864534606862043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062131045854294575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282462197259745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117646008789873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091074879283404,0.0,0.06443249487021259,0.06214404332279552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161271841938794,0.15396428659557826,0.0,0.0,0.08720112230612143,0.0,0.08751383718021281,0.0,0.0,0.09349003606432656,0.10517604700188413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reddd0000,2019/08/31,"‼️How do you deal with social anxiety? ‼️How do you deal with social anxiety? I feel like it’s been getting worse for me to go to public events, socialize. I get such a terrible anxiety just thinking about it, it makes me mad and feel terrible because I want to and I know my husband wants to hangout with friends but I just don’t know how to deal with the random thoughts, triggers.‼️

Any tips on how to control or cope with social anxiety? Pretty much on how to survive on these events without overthinking and such. ⁉️⁉️",3.8133555555555536,6.114117980000002,4.319333333333333,83.88522222222225,74.2,8.044444444444443,30.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,2.6706777777777777,418,19,77,9,9,132,60,100,0.14300000000000002,0.768,0.08900000000000001,-0.3899,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,8,5,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,5,0,27,16,8,0,2,5,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,6,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,10,2,18,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,2,3,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708826480873324,0.0,0.43687359751714094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703105980073972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012831401743635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415677524349631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437726002837695,0.10199467387075606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030348542012848,0.0,0.14918250985025858,0.0,0.08113928809705492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692494314295818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975004446606528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529985689885256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495212763461152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524807118108726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821427572210328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148103355708152,0.0,0.11334316278096047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841848940102927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762485781668135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549448103568474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,freshouttafucks4ever,2019/08/31,"I'm getting ""withdrawl symptoms"" from leaving my FP for good and I don't know how to cope How do I cope without going insane I feel sick right now but I had to do what I had to do",-0.3369512195121942,1.2467610975609773,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097564,84.36585365853658,4.1000000000000005,22.445121951219512,3.1291,-0.2911999999999999,139,5,34,0,4,48,28,41,0.059000000000000004,0.8440000000000001,0.09699999999999999,0.1101,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,7,11,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,6,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114666938997168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185048541542872,0.0,0.23768641953571404,0.3507865702464893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984505254026905,0.0,0.0,0.4428389826680762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35716113462148563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346950217341282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031531513368803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aeriesrising,2019/08/31,"My pwBPD is the greatest blessing of my entire life A little background: I dated a girl with BPD for a bit over a year and she was the most influential thing to ever come across my life. The most amazing, beautiful soul I’ve ever met, and someone I’m fully aware has the problems she has. 

After we split up, I started to read a lot about BPD. I started to understand that she isn’t the girl I knew in the idealization phase. That the issues that seemed surmountable became less and less possible for me to properly deal with. She made me aware of my own issues and called me out on them in a way no girlfriend has had the balls to do before. She held me accountable and didn’t put up with my shit and for that I feel she has helped make me a better man. But through this, nasty arguments ensued, we tore each other down, and we let the stresses of life impact our relationship. We took a break, she found someone else, and within a couple months, after so much lost trust and pain, we found a way back to each other. In a way. 

Reading about BPD so extensively allowed me to stop taking things personally and start showering her with the unconditional love she deserves. We started hanging out again and our chemistry was as amazing as ever. But this time around, when she would overreact to something, I’d tell her I’m understanding her feelings and give her some time. When she’d say something about her past that could be judged, I’d welcome it with open arms. When she’d talk about an impulsive idea i know is a bad one but I know she’d change her mind about it tomorrow anyway, I’d just encourage it and allow her to bask in her excitement. When she wants to go out and party and see friends and network, I’d stop giving her subliminal pressure that I didn’t want that. When she feels a certain way about something that I can’t fully relate to, I appreciate and respect and show understanding for her feelings. We aren’t officially back together as a lot of the damage is still fresh. But we’ve been seeing each other everyday now just about.

My point is this. Much of the content on the internet focused around how impossible it is to maintain a relationship with a pwBPD. Painting people with it out to be some type of monsters. From an outside perspective and a logical one, this girl is bad for me. But every relationship takes work. This girl is so special to me that it’s worth the extra work. There are so many positive amazing qualities associated with BPD and I understand who she is revolves a lot around this and her past trauma and abuse. It took me time, but I’ve learned to fully embrace and accept that. The bad does not outweigh the joy I get. Spending time with her feels better than when I made my first million. (Broke again). She has truly brought color into my world. She is not mine and I do not own her, but I don’t care what she does, I will always be her rock. 

TLDR; fell in love with a girl with BPD and went through common phases and a relationship fallout. Saw what I lost and embraced the negatives and my attitude. She doesn’t idealize me anymore, her true self is what shows. And her true self is more beautiful than anything I’ve ever experienced. The good and the bad. BPD does not own you or dictate where you end up in life. You just experience things in a different way like we all do. Work with your partners. There are people out there who will never abandon you, but still give you space if you need it. To some of us, you are the driving force in our lives. 🖤",4.209691746209998,5.738653753284672,4.86166058394161,83.66958239752948,71.32116788321167,7.838573834924201,27.479646266142613,8.384062270229773,1.82434138124649,2771,98,545,44,52,889,293,685,0.08199999999999999,0.741,0.177,0.9974,4,0,3,0,1,0,69.0,12,8,1,10,40,40,1,2,43,0,44,9,2,6,9,136,93,54,0,9,17,0,5,1,3,3,5,1,1,10,35,64,0,4,19,6,3,10,14,15,0,4,20,11,93,25,83,62,23,88,2,5,4,2,88,32,1,11,41,398,128,7,0.0,0.0671573759662035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047162893504235665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056212036365775035,0.0,0.0,0.04664339698365153,0.1513735537451754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716793863964513,0.18930410995981856,0.0,0.0,0.04823111171521412,0.0,0.0,0.10025896842153033,0.06188065801459505,0.0,0.4283242401200693,0.0,0.057877344877412175,0.0,0.0577897640963577,0.0,0.05996067836679843,0.04882541507627322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452549368823948,0.06271613043919058,0.0,0.0,0.05843532587837395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059219280822190974,0.0,0.0,0.14880502075767815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734946229102941,0.0,0.05020228766213963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508379841852412,0.04775594500870771,0.0,0.0,0.05544461312682609,0.0,0.0,0.14329735684946032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821258520655392,0.0,0.12429495161137,0.043791377974289655,0.0,0.029613332938315837,0.16311991306762547,0.03221295519438334,0.047541092554695484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037991886896823784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398562535766562,0.0,0.11831987574565865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062300474663996276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057959868898542426,0.16014105430966086,0.027691333136963512,0.0568089646113742,0.050050107689870976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374738688325805,0.14456374486617926,0.10231311222021004,0.10726532154300576,0.03783481581255465,0.05746534621579925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723136190003403,0.0,0.045242004054627985,0.0,0.08333369109684495,0.04202803021542437,0.043715659834291716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681663557105925,0.0,0.060312274524236126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821630752068373,0.07859053873880137,0.04949141199031259,0.0,0.0,0.053581594259446697,0.06389898705520884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542357870881494,0.0,0.05697977150964525,0.0,0.0,0.11339210246887713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434154927943996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507477767950603,0.0,0.0,0.09033437897682496,0.051599991998412816,0.11826068975150775,0.0,0.0581819369895577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960507677487404,0.1309067452517683,0.0,0.0,0.1604756005302737,0.0,0.09053058064536428,0.09477522750367244,0.06492756481195333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523368379000988,0.04555780978365499,0.049541441140956974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296844067002305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220391739187398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259487145685797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360264831963709,0.06817991838016395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668635057099792,0.2249525570729776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052543588466496566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379270157300735,0.0,0.0,0.040264352002283836,0.0,0.0,0.03650052058267438
bpd,doomsdaychords,2019/08/31,Boyfriend has left for a year abroad My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. He studies languages at university and it’s part of his degree that in his third year he has to study in a different country. We have known this was coming and it’s been so scary and it just happened. I’ve tried to prepare myself as much as possible but it’s hard to know how my bpd is going to react till it happens. I still don’t know how I’m going to feel in a day or a week or a month. He just left and I know I’m not going to see him for weeks and there is going to be an empty space in life. He is my everything and I don’t know how to fill that up with something else. I’m just so scared and I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I’m being punished cause life is taking away the best thing I have and I’m so hurt.,0.13024024024024072,1.8204546756756768,2.259414414414416,97.16954204204208,83.32432432432431,5.192192192192191,18.385885885885887,6.139981653823899,-0.3923933933933936,645,15,159,5,18,217,97,185,0.11800000000000001,0.833,0.05,-0.9094,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,11,5,1,1,7,0,18,2,0,5,0,33,39,21,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,13,0,0,8,0,0,6,4,3,0,1,3,4,16,2,26,34,3,26,0,1,1,0,8,11,0,2,10,105,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343184429928524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003084663984795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180056891749935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686238026364376,0.0,0.12314996425936225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219930689436563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936590514029088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194272405002844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848592459901373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457277503451466,0.10213279457815784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249966661567227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528434145758107,0.0,0.12806676571638295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304484655208914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928436254063107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106594319970534,0.0,0.20195798728882647,0.06984449964806004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141117013269768,0.0,0.10509425331198348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481499555776995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116930004108554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313090143323093,0.0,0.11392300019374264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005990066089444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417043514570875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749038278564788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497826360319606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706249153395266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935258774353545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761904511113212
bpd,herbalcocain,2019/08/31,I'm training my dog as a service dog for my bpd depression and anxiety AMA I'm training my dog to be a registered service dog.  All the paper work has gone through and training has officially started. I'm hoping to teach him how to pick up on when I disassociate and help ground me as well as help during panic attacks and interrupt self harming behaviours I can start doing during them. Also gonna be teaching him to body block me so people can't get too close. Feel free to ask anything if you have any questions,4.926596638655461,5.976328382352942,6.057563025210083,77.58617647058827,69.09803921568627,8.573669467787116,33.19887955182073,8.841846274778883,2.868793837535016,413,19,76,7,7,138,72,102,0.17800000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,1,6,7,1,1,3,0,8,1,1,2,1,13,19,12,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,1,11,4,12,15,1,8,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,3,46,11,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837078794189244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621822440486466,0.0,0.17573601152503618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904089050219205,0.0,0.2147582169636975,0.2613409130792332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551683534417053,0.28932568170493245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785844546456716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615388971316587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001979254125213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079544199300674,0.0,0.0,0.2281648841810747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695282128324999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592596850679351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25734020438532684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23964920597297276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32519555167422604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654685588385752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672396956224819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kelly-farmer,2019/08/31,"I am 26 yo Canadian, I was diagnosed at 18, and I've never held a formal job and am on disability for now I've worked in the back of my uncle and aunt's chocolate shop before, but that's it. I have no skills as I began isolating myself at 16. I can't get out of my apartment often enough to hold a job my psychiatrist says. I go to a day program in my city 2 days a week, sometimes it's 1 or 0 day a week depending on my mood. Anyone else on here just like me?",2.0306868131868114,2.2218526730769237,4.954285714285714,86.005,75.15384615384616,8.250549450549451,24.472527472527474,8.418075326091056,1.268537362637363,354,10,86,6,7,130,73,104,0.032,0.9309999999999999,0.037000000000000005,0.1154,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,1,1,12,9,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,13,1,14,6,1,19,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,3,10,54,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844122029965788,0.2321744216103769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423836838346435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928165410752844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43840710134675215,0.0,0.0,0.2299902115330278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929191586208025,0.0,0.0,0.2341342830151617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118387078875391,0.0,0.1287797518553743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497232121661827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070337969316296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747648358147419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019826648860404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410927832895985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36352335162425775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496461639816626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,begoodbabe,2019/08/31,"My life has ended and now I’m here. First time posting online. I need you guys. I can’t see anything clearly anymore. My head feels cloudy and my distorted thoughts are starting to rule the majority of my days. 

I feel like I’ve been silently screaming for years. 

Ive had my ups and my downs since before I can remember, but oh how I’ve mastered to make my downs such secrets. 

My friends and my family would describe me as beautiful, extremely funny, hard working, outgoing, loyal, and endlessly devoted. 

I’ve never told any of my family that I have been diagnosed with BPD. They know Im positive on living a good happy life and being well and filled with more love. They always come to me for love, a good laugh, or just support & advice. 
 
They have no idea how much I suffer. 

I have always been high functioning and a master at keeping my struggles a secret. I came from a terrible family and I’ve worked so hard to become the opposite of that. Self help, good people, educated people, therapy, hard word.

I’ve survived my childhood miraculously.
I did well in school.
I did well in sports.
I was a spokesmodel for 8 years, I can show the world a pretty face and appealing personality with confidence.
I got a good job, worked my way up, gained respect, and was financial doing well. 
I’ve been growing my circle of friends, volunteering my help when I can with the community.

For years I’ve had people reach out to me and tell me how proud they are of me. What a beautiful woman I’ve turned into despite all the absolute terrible things that happen to me as a child. 

But I am TIRED! My head is tired. I’m tired of trying. 

I’m screaming OKAY LIFE,  you win. Take me. Have me, I don’t want me anymore. 

Within just 6 months...

I have lost my job.
I have lost my boyfriend 
I’ve distanced from my family and friends.
I spent my entire savings account.

I just got out of a manic episode that lasted 17 Hours! 

I am exhausted!

I didn’t think my body would survive. I could feel it screaming for help and I finally started to feel relief when I could hear my heartbeat confused and slowed. My brain was finally happy that I was starting to feel some physical pain. 
17 hours of screaming, crying, copious amounts of alcohol and drugs, reckless driving, dissociation, absolutely no food or water for three days.

Romantic relationships are my weakness and my partner is always my FP.  I have nothing if I don’t have him and I don’t want anything else. I am a good partner almost 100% of the time. I am endlessly devoted to my love and have always helped my partner move in a positive direction, help them with their goals, and support them.
 
For the second time in our relationship I snooped through his email! I am so ashamed. I don’t trust the world and I need that thought to be validated.

I found something that I took out of context.

I was completely in the wrong.

But I convinced myself it was real and this is why he was going to leave me 10 years from now. 

Yes 10 years from now (embarrassing)

I spiraled and after hours of emotions and alcohol. I have truly scared my FP and said anything and everything I could to make him feel hurt, make him see that I am right about all this and nothing good is real. He a fake, I’m terrible, and a lot I can’t even remember. 

Before morning came I was already in disbelief and despair over what happened. I drove to his house to apologize for my behavior. He wouldn’t let me.
He is done.
He said he can’t come back from this.
I don’t want you here, I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to feel you, I don’t want anything to do with you. 
You are toxic. 
You are not good for me. 

He is a smart man & he said that he has to take care of himself first. I understand and walked away. I don’t want to live life without him. I don’t want riches, fancy cars or vacations. I want love, and not the kind you’re born with. The kind from my partner. This is what I love most about life. Sharing it with someone I can hold hands with.

Now days later I’m laying alone here in my bed writing all of this on here wondering what will come of this. Will one of you give me hope. Will this be long and ignored.

Will I be able to get my life back if my brain keeps telling me hey, you’ve worked you ass off for 30 years and it didn’t do any good JUST GIVE UP!

When I felt my manic episode coming I wanted to check into a hospital and get help. I looked into it for two hours. I’ve never been hospitalized before and I felt a storm coming I wanted a safe space.

But I didn’t do that, I let the storm take me and omg did I say down right nasty and hurtful things to my lover that I understand if he doesn’t want me back. 

Now I regret not going. I think my partner would be a lot more understanding if I took initiative to get help, but instead I attacked and mutilated our relationship. My livelihood. 

When I was working I had benefits and money to spend to see a therapist. I haven’t been able to that for 9 months. 

I can’t afford therapy, I can’t find help. Will this fear of abandonment and extremely out of control emotions be the death of me?

Where do I go from here?",2.2040487536656883,4.275353083088959,3.676396933040081,87.68459539956017,78.28641251221896,6.960447214076247,24.927999755620732,7.972316293177498,1.432199095796676,3976,146,823,69,96,1310,377,1023,0.134,0.626,0.239,0.9991,4,1,4,0,0,0,131.0,2,10,7,18,36,75,1,6,34,2,102,32,8,7,6,161,196,63,1,27,20,0,13,1,9,9,16,9,1,11,31,63,4,7,25,2,6,19,29,28,4,6,44,27,159,47,107,132,12,102,0,8,5,7,84,34,1,15,48,541,190,9,0.0813001448614013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03972278031302223,0.0,0.08688512990396287,0.04070517564854978,0.04210121561779803,0.04485836575536346,0.0,0.1352964666870012,0.08808867299048656,0.0,0.055286886406512636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806278977019037,0.0,0.0,0.13380618399930075,0.0,0.0,0.04624532582491677,0.03819208116720075,0.0937721895599515,0.0,0.0,0.04489481128571776,0.10377065285766104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515306656765817,0.05119734320322143,0.09075784923754276,0.0,0.09298570711572436,0.04144545802840915,0.0,0.0,0.17508218997824887,0.04262082754359698,0.0,0.04559251277684823,0.09736732532824853,0.0,0.0446521957847753,0.07864780146364514,0.0,0.0,0.0412589678398587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159913750030452,0.0,0.0,0.04714117847575632,0.0,0.03395791941248443,0.09145172026873984,0.036003898592873264,0.0,0.0,0.026848989460513974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653366396891226,0.0,0.1532850820954588,0.04574263287739027,0.14387728613283665,0.029040419866761067,0.07806088863219117,0.08906033477597927,0.037153429763505386,0.06915386168690969,0.04915422893914839,0.04457070625485441,0.09421843536928436,0.0,0.06371395522552221,0.07799050710052552,0.06930711883096187,0.2727628170019863,0.06502315275523772,0.0,0.0,0.04024996270167705,0.07189344960308554,0.08654551597501249,0.10924344122991188,0.0,0.0834374037201581,0.0,0.04581558598667499,0.0,0.21797509346837693,0.042949033366881564,0.0,0.04037469405932312,0.16012853204283134,0.04690472580183108,0.08703348656372101,0.045888983830439004,0.04390905381260808,0.0,0.08067784895679297,0.07226330426882625,0.0,0.08466159006978909,0.022340216716677724,0.03313523452391491,0.0,0.043042557297006116,0.0,0.08313490637412163,0.17227408993960286,0.019859572075170508,0.0,0.07178951740031916,0.0359740349179902,0.0341358228594353,0.0,0.08874871198026969,0.06911847584047047,0.18344138726748535,0.0,0.08140271700143463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489299997974489,0.043204593819304686,0.029882480493845637,0.060283027264334064,0.06270368371206217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800968167154684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027545541111186126,0.0,0.04325454310947195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454492570599577,0.035494075300101215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893153267073166,0.04135573762685835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253736371912516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092889477693845,0.0920972156119015,0.06942987949519216,0.11600258296355155,0.032326569171331566,0.040697813965603055,0.041140043503660566,0.12957137897859575,0.0,0.04240689099659907,0.0,0.0,0.03362615998093338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03444267445606164,0.03129441174000664,0.0,0.0,0.08631699147367347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04249628178154043,0.0,0.0,0.09225844093841316,0.0,0.0,0.09169138651185972,0.0,0.07105991005780365,0.0,0.09297380102689412,0.04719786719610233,0.054012203712725915,0.05209385007121672,0.0,0.06454323370564721,0.07111015240069378,0.14016383517559647,0.0,0.03884288622811792,0.09032745236129376,0.02759873083961166,0.044215605842455416,0.03970921407825252,0.12695447700648366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287717591120248,0.03226613539036413,0.0,0.0,0.14619718797056774,0.0,0.03668036765440544,0.0,0.0,0.039185219221977936,0.044083269535099535,0.14796868434788046,0.0,0.0,0.08662993544164288,0.044444472847693615,0.0,0.15706388328236776
bpd,ginger_human,2019/08/31,"Freaking out. Help me. Fuck I was meant to be going to my FP house and I'm meant to be there now. He text me saying he has had a big argument with his mum and that I shouldn't go up there but he'll be round mine tonight. I asked if it was anything to do with me and he said 'speak later x' 
So that means it definitely was something to do with me and he's gonna leave me and I don't know what to do. He's the only person I have in the world and if I lose him I don't know if I can carry on. I've made so much progress through therapy and my life in general this year and have just started Jujitsu but I haven't worked on my codependency and I haven't made any new friends properly yet. 
I'm sat in silence in my house and I don't know what to do. 
I don't know what time he's coming round, if he'll stay or if this is going to be the last time I see him. 
I can't take this waiting. I can't take it. My head is all fuzzy I feel like I'm gonna throw up I don't know what's going to happen. He wont answer the phone. 
I'll have to book myself into the hospital cause I know what I'm like I will hurt myself. I will kill myself. I don't want to die I don't want to be sick I want to go to Jujitsu but I need him right now. I've made so much progress but without him I wouldn't be here and my life is still hanging on by a thread I haven't got any stability. I gave up drugs when I met him and I don't want to go back to that life but I can't deal with these emotions right now . It feels as though someone has reached inside of me and is squeezing all my organs so much I can't breath and I don't know what to do . Oh god I need help. I need help. I just want to see him and get this whole ordeal over with. I wish he would just tell me he's going to leave so I can get on with things like going to the hospital . Who do I talk to ? My god I need help",-1.4553354601701471,0.2352967587006951,1.2450536542923452,102.12903446442385,89.53364269141531,4.612548337200309,15.475686388244393,5.86386907160367,-0.9885789249806648,1417,28,389,11,48,487,163,431,0.083,0.789,0.128,0.9737,0,0,2,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,0,4,19,9,2,0,8,0,49,8,2,4,2,73,107,34,2,18,15,1,5,3,1,10,5,3,0,1,20,24,0,1,13,1,0,11,20,5,0,0,14,10,65,4,46,77,6,45,0,2,4,1,36,18,1,6,18,239,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593050429708825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701442032521505,0.0,0.07968669625260973,0.0,0.0,0.06554331374227862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756364490410877,0.0,0.07342560920640316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787737687619476,0.0,0.0,0.08846433327332197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988498529953334,0.0,0.0,0.09588208650091723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619851532569567,0.06089455816698346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585522316046045,0.07880182256185599,0.08906742557052126,0.0,0.387545028471955,0.0,0.06817319060504498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537631805542598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747951746997124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285348674203613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967080756236032,0.09124981206101596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430401384314054,0.0,0.3279147969591436,0.06948093296690408,0.0,0.1805109926787425,0.0,0.0,0.18061988495039824,0.12492999816649182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536032378251008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419648118314703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284995400754582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879807993432966,0.2528137215007328,0.0,0.08232408634735745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482788710337377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442716196466509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455868012530281,0.08108154161457225,0.06778525089424668,0.0,0.0,0.1358484469265417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722224903329211,0.06562093057698982,0.0,0.0,0.06033240430875885,0.09085313350211786,0.06807175141584748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817781779040427,0.06851165386405211,0.07450239779949425,0.0,0.0974779042557486,0.0,0.05662881762388206,0.0,0.08374660902454982,0.0,0.09940676550119644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25138002578993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095165986153879,0.09802032064468154,0.08216708374557215,0.0,0.0620548029074965,0.0,0.0,0.06055114063956895,0.0,0.0,0.05489094062891255
bpd,TlynJ,2019/08/31,"The Classic Borderliner I have often found it to be stigmatizing about BPD that we lose our cool and go “crazy” and will go ballistic like _Girl Interrupted_. Its extremely unfair. I was always the “Quiet Borderliner”. But I for the first time lashed out at my boyfriend. I’m scared cuz I’ve never been like this. And now I lost my partner and best friend. I’m not sure what do do. But I hate myself.  I’ve thought of ways of ending my life because I don’t ever wanna be that monster again. I want to crawl out of my own skin. My boyfriends deserves better, but it still doesn’t change my regret and my heartache over losing him. Has anyone dealt with this? I wasn’t on medication for a year. And o immediately got back on it as soon as this happen. I am willing to take all the steps to get it under control. Truthfully, I’ve lived with him for 9 months and never have I had that rage until now. So I know with medication and treatment I’d never do it again. But how can he trust that? I completely understand his skepticism. I just wish I could prove I’m not this horrible person and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. The guilt could eat me alive and I’ll live with this regret forever. Please help, any advice would be great.",1.911417004048584,4.176419542510125,3.2640097165991904,89.25862186234819,80.29554655870443,6.381149797570852,20.811174089068828,7.554174236665415,0.682320615384616,965,27,203,15,25,314,150,247,0.128,0.7040000000000001,0.168,0.9145,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,7,13,20,3,2,7,1,23,5,1,3,8,49,40,20,0,8,7,0,1,2,2,3,3,1,0,3,16,17,1,1,5,0,0,3,9,10,0,1,9,3,29,10,28,23,3,30,0,5,0,0,11,9,0,1,19,139,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936126932541747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101516719622522,0.0,0.0,0.09002368094878829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925639363553006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179288704792462,0.0,0.08069828393340439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892578701143776,0.11708031654006115,0.0,0.0,0.16672934902007785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140041640437106,0.0,0.13879905452972402,0.0,0.1484766493702583,0.2113910573232446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545890435799982,0.0,0.0,0.11725035322139413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974627514181838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260328778698682,0.0,0.1451490326312362,0.10227730198457263,0.0,0.06916365585664015,0.0,0.15047044868813106,0.0,0.10587725116009256,0.14595061940816878,0.0,0.0,0.1170641609619305,0.0,0.0,0.13069891973494935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873225435818695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275318516732658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935046790567608,0.12934942779226674,0.0,0.23378985614760625,0.0,0.0,0.2962011565608432,0.14450959804794805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667200425715663,0.0,0.0,0.13366716360181166,0.0,0.1056653232926157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30630137363695736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559006187811582,0.0,0.14531468386016785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305272780294835,0.0,0.0,0.13253656546377726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571970972163527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476761094712654,0.0,0.0995341048798068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509579859132404,0.07719247833769224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781338367797427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808179693799268,0.10507794765199074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223172064535506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403972835402692,0.0,0.0,0.08524908187223706
bpd,patagoniangoat,2019/08/31,"A compassionate perspective on BPD This Jungian Life just released an ep on BPD. The hosts approach it in a way that made me reconsider some of the harsh stances I made about my own bpd mother. The whole thing is worth a listen but this section (around min 12) was a good reminder. It felt validating to hear. 

http://www.thisjungianlife.com/74-borderline-personality-disorder/

 About mother’s with borderline personality disorder:

“One of the difficulties is that when people are in a state of overwhelmingly hyperarousal it interferes with the brain’s ability to make crisp memories of what they do or say while they are in that state. One of the most disturbing phenomena of borderline mothers is that in a state of hyperarousal, a mother may do something very very outrageous then calm down, come back four hours later and be total be pleasant and continue moving forward as if nothing happened. The children are devastated and the mother has no memory of what she’s done which then makes self reflection almost impossible”

“Yea well and then it makes it difficult for the children to have their perspective validated which is really crazy making - to have experienced something as a child and to have an adult deny or not acknowledge that something happened.”",11.223156089193829,11.397618433962267,9.793344768439107,59.176012006861065,55.698113207547166,13.369468267581475,40.499142367066895,12.563389971838223,5.4632962264150935,1036,45,154,30,11,321,130,212,0.156,0.738,0.106,-0.9341,0,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,0,7,9,1,2,19,1,18,2,1,6,1,30,30,16,0,1,6,5,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,6,17,9,0,1,3,0,1,4,2,4,1,3,5,5,7,5,28,22,6,27,0,1,0,0,19,10,0,7,11,117,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758479240829212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134237631740434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979720240162602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814131594102439,0.14223401778647654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975422415876436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29205056182939565,0.0,0.0,0.13038679327083166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233557665166035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686720677846784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253401612198293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360267297808454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547523253383294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999491936866573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411207795510173,0.3401942082179748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541887599536634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225532605281668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726754442623301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833149285082169,0.1112513128056982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162344033310279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013231991087987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291858586230973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942641294459528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464692374381183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025661757357514,0.0,0.10113377770780166,0.0,0.0,0.1145587605305266,0.0,0.0,0.1422510359738608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bloodofaprince,2019/08/31,"Not Sure About BPD Soooo. I'm about 90% sure I have BPD. I know it's against the rules to ask for a diagnosis or whatever and that's not what I'm here for. I have always felt like there was something wrong with me. I've never been able to explain it. Something just felt... off. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago and started taking Zoloft. But while that explained some of what I was feeling/experiencing, it didn't explain some of my other symptoms.  I've seen some research that says that a lot of people with PTSD can also have BPD. 

Now. I've done a lot of research on BPD and I finally feel like I've found the reason that I have always felt off. But at the same time.... I'm scared. I haven't gone to therapy in a while and while I like my therapist, a part of me doesn't want to go back to them because I'm afraid I'll be embarrassing myself by asking them about BPD because what if I dont have it and they just think I'm idiot??? But I'm also afraid to go to another therapist (possibly one that specializes in BPD) because it feels like I'd be betraying the trust of my first therapist....",3.430239130434781,4.2031739695652215,4.740597826086958,86.6782880434783,72.34782608695653,8.184782608695654,26.54891304347826,8.472884824447931,1.569760869565218,863,28,191,14,16,287,112,230,0.08800000000000001,0.84,0.07200000000000001,-0.546,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,3,1,12,14,1,4,10,0,17,3,0,1,3,39,43,15,0,2,9,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,15,8,0,0,12,0,0,3,7,6,0,2,12,7,19,8,30,29,7,21,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,7,16,124,34,2,0.08595590708211218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619472534563186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747781567710246,0.14304440095293472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013226320919693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071433985447753,0.0,0.0,0.06609478680464329,0.0,0.15719376943011104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6495507356444714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724343633071413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879627361985134,0.10073968293404376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692377861349443,0.12281383438852655,0.2475934514552628,0.09416049471690856,0.0,0.07311405065344913,0.0,0.09424621547618603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770144569884076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723911859115725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679748575989874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461532767777726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629449455531101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824594719519927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308187102793057,0.0,0.0595910031127046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690237012271932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095571114435076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837698841651999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835558732918487,0.08605685811842398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234611339495747,0.0,0.0,0.06084003344534479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202485035702968,0.08934109938732086,0.06462814478112361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829807087997793,0.2994042995198754,0.0,0.05507707451080929,0.0,0.0,0.05012158065867369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050699021037789636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939792908099368,0.0,0.05535278598576665
bpd,BPD-is-ruining-me,2019/08/31,"I impulse bought an entire kitten Help. I went out and bought two kittens (one for me and one for my roommate) and now they’re with me in the dorms. They’re 100% not allowed in here and I’m so terrified of getting caught. idk what to do... I feel awful and useless and annoying. I impulse bought this kitten. A real living breathing animal. I thought I could handle it but idk. I’m sitting here shaking and crying because this innocent kitten deserves more than me and idk what to do with her. I want to bring her back to the shelter but they’ll hate me.. they’ll think I’m some dumb teenager who’s job is to waste their time... I can’t take care of her... I feel worthless and awful and the worst kind of manipulator and idk how to stop. 

What the fuck do I even do? Do I tell the shelter I’m an idiot and I can’t handle having a kitten even though I was so confident about it yesterday? Do I look like a fool in front of these nice people? How the hell can I live with myself like this. I fucked up. I fucked up so hard",0.005571205007825597,2.2841987276995326,1.9458215962441336,95.16298904538344,89.89201877934273,4.470109546165885,18.68701095461659,6.037888025583468,-0.1908134585289507,791,23,174,7,27,261,113,213,0.331,0.568,0.10099999999999999,-0.9963,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,0,13,18,8,1,11,2,15,4,1,4,0,32,38,20,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,16,0,1,4,0,3,5,3,13,0,3,7,4,29,5,23,28,3,17,1,2,1,3,9,6,5,1,7,119,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322569803065338,0.0,0.10484928425231199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536492915378024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732758602383965,0.0,0.18893334813649326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272080637336054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393620634913373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770322325628588,0.08986262729981227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407774653832998,0.16981387358953848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152876233059385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068294017753974,0.0,0.0,0.1791109864735741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680605120879321,0.0,0.3037573773285738,0.0,0.14443624083602968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331025929140208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192427800458521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957730593972262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379926373295618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932220050620394,0.0,0.1503351233857634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021031931683092,0.16898861208102553,0.13654837157775238,0.10029427775748356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801849574956526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144974741766516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594452376297778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,livingdecay,2019/08/31,"I want to die, even when I don’t feel sad I somehow always want to end my life, even when I’m having a nice day. I could be doing an activity I enjoyed and would still think about taking my life, even if I’m not feeling suicidal at the moment. Death is always on my mind, and I feel like the only way to escape would be by dying which kind of sounds ironic",5.138766233766233,3.8143857012987037,6.475941558441559,82.91962662337663,68.6103896103896,8.73896103896104,25.743506493506487,7.1686216300943375,1.0554181818181814,277,5,62,2,4,95,54,77,0.162,0.645,0.193,0.1828,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,0,15,18,5,4,6,2,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,9,4,8,13,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31780424397945284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247379808191455,0.0,0.0,0.12315968380077555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963928798796077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914250686371096,0.0,0.0,0.37840113667642733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896801157060475,0.13642882045032131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198865597048239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26977515008903963,0.093298168734977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282499809857187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452410927352001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525086810907657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888989997324894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435854780413076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236569840483945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252778010754087,0.15158289074312592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713188482860825,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thedresswearer,2019/08/31,"Help! I think I have this disorder and it’s ruining my relationship. I’m an adult female with a professional career and a graduate degree. I seem pretty normal on the outside, but I’m breaking the patience of my significant other. 

We went to couples counseling on Thursday, and the therapist focused on me and my childhood and issues with abandonment. I have crippling jealousy that I’ve had to work through about my boyfriend’s past that I was not apart of. Interestingly enough, when my boyfriend threatens me with break up, I “snap out” of my emotional turmoil and I can think straight. This is not a healthy dynamic and we are working on it. 

How do you navigate relationships and how is therapy working out for you? I want to be healthy and happy. Additionally, how do you deal with the “emptiness”? I’ve struggled to describe the feeling until I stumbled across a list of symptoms and I feel that emptiness badly sometimes.

Thank you!",4.060526315789474,6.9767209298245625,4.814415204678365,77.46618421052631,76.54385964912281,7.542690058479532,34.64619883040936,8.515128840125781,3.4141602339181283,753,43,124,16,18,242,101,171,0.228,0.643,0.128,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,4,0,3,5,9,0,2,10,0,11,1,0,3,0,33,21,16,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,19,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,2,24,4,24,17,1,18,0,2,0,0,11,10,0,1,5,95,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454677299928931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927728485316819,0.0,0.0,0.1796147840366765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996730079665459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959758116598202,0.0,0.18001744957111376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618331662675138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854620961626523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677704295381147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818420502483065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070014349612103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631419789658108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772459659456947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740975215954753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860476997047349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230958316082964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213420786811788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810829148503538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039981015102706,0.1992375437640881,0.20228466572717446,0.0,0.223268288889288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276039328530216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150513671413455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805061240632408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,changezyme,2019/08/31,"Do you experience this? I wanna scream as hard as I can “does this ever end?” .  

I get “dumb/stupid - more than my usual) every now and then - more often than I’d like to. I get weird. I feel weird. Out of character. I can’t sleep. I sometimes impulsively call people on the phone; I say the stupidest things, I sound pathetic and needy - I think . 

If I work. I get jittery and unfocused, and feel like I am about to break. I act stupid. I do stupid things, things I regret later. I do things that in retrospect I think who the f*** does that? 

Also, I often have a hard time remembering my actions/words during this ‘weird phase’.

Anyhow, am I alone? How do you cope with this? Is this hypomania?",-0.29563502673796904,1.938035786764708,1.8312032085561505,92.94427807486632,99.22058823529413,5.119786096256685,15.005347593582888,6.782984794422108,-0.10941470588235358,521,12,112,9,22,173,81,136,0.25,0.713,0.037000000000000005,-0.9768,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,0,1,7,9,2,0,4,0,10,1,1,1,1,19,17,10,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,12,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,7,24,2,13,17,2,12,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,4,9,77,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193992847095267,0.0,0.14048229952696334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937751592726892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074579531081796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555904417138395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890251356191995,0.14800856543376847,0.0,0.0,0.17183782350941865,0.0,0.0,0.17764687696053072,0.12549784693369584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27533913893527817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31472953281169297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164583348955714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178664764435125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989985392930044,0.0,0.0,0.13969890409190475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579569548184332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374096426928332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668262583799401,0.22512298556355603,0.0,0.0,0.10243390720426454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934743974484701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788900012100116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,secretsqurriels,2019/08/31,"Back to dating. Finding it hard! Well the amazing news is I’ve met an awesome guy, but far out, the BPD is definitely igniting in the background. I want to text him all the time, all that normal attachment stuff. But deep down inside I’m panicking that I’m going to stuff it all up by coming on too strong. How can I manage these intense feelings of... obsession?? Wanting control? I suppose?? It’s great im aware of this all happening, but it’s really tough to keep myself chill. Does anyone have any tips for managing these kind of feelings?",2.054142857142857,4.673188057142858,3.5558333333333323,85.15375000000002,82.71428571428572,6.547619047619048,24.940476190476193,7.793537801064563,1.7019047619047618,426,17,79,8,12,140,76,105,0.086,0.6890000000000001,0.225,0.9498,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,3,4,20,15,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,3,5,5,14,14,4,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,50,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866829686268933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258118830530528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679703530120767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25682214526188274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565358205748888,0.0,0.0,0.2287065344924617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844623804626578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620976997866572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637341195274665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588884517851225,0.0,0.0,0.22481555526371472,0.0,0.20190660532371213,0.18032019634350574,0.0,0.18266660713943084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202617692838385,0.0,0.0,0.18124785061956467,0.0,0.21234472164599774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979211425695026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306323267669904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668647619735233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189037083230032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405471467786173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833428899660824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yourbl00dytourniquet,2019/08/31,"Advice for overthinking? I’m pretty high functioning with my bpd, although I’m positive it’s because Ive numbed myself for years with substance to the point it became my life. Right now I’m currently in the sober state and while in this I’ve started a love interest.
You already know relationships of any sort, romantic or not, completely fuck over the brain of a bpd person. It’s honestly extremely toxic for me and something I’ve struggled with for years and years. 

Anyways, I overthinking so much about this person it carries out into my dreams and I’ve lost sleep over it. I’ve been physically sick, vomiting at work from thinking so intensely about it. Thinking of every bad scenario I can involving this person. Creating their own thoughts and trying to prove them as fact. Convincing myself on a million things; they’re bored, seeing someone else, lying to me, ignoring me, annoyed, upset, using me, the list goes fucking on. It doesn’t end. 

In therapy, I’ve always expressed my thought process like you tell me one little small thing that’s completely out of my reach. I have no control over it and it’s minor. But that one thing, that one comment had wrapped around my brain at least a hundred times the second it left from your lips. It’s squeezing my brain to the point it’s swollen. My brain is constantly swollen. 

I hate to ramble, but I need help. I’ve been doing dbt on and off for years and it’s pointless because I always end up in substance abuse. I just want what works for other people. 
I’ve been honest with this person, I haven’t told him how he makes me want to shove a knife through my head. We’re not together, we’re in a messy situation. Together without the label? It’s messy. 
He’s honest with me, trustworthy? Well I don’t trust anyone. 

Regardless of who he is, this happens every single time but this is worse. I just want to stop the bad thoughts.",2.966827131840983,5.533067844875351,3.708763943999404,85.85045144867861,78.30747922437673,6.783589129295501,26.37725537171521,7.917944638633933,1.7965236355469039,1496,60,277,26,37,474,192,361,0.122,0.7390000000000001,0.138,0.609,1,0,1,0,1,0,47.0,0,3,2,4,11,21,4,2,14,0,14,16,7,4,2,46,38,18,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,4,29,17,0,3,7,1,0,0,7,12,1,5,9,2,35,9,49,29,4,41,0,1,1,3,22,26,2,2,15,174,64,2,0.0,0.10471930360771106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636676312860762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753274617234753,0.0,0.14708333352314565,0.0,0.0,0.06010341402039465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179939024360651,0.0,0.0,0.0786795339789952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759208709290514,0.10775481115338796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263037876012332,0.3946582593359445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533561285468905,0.09551053416362364,0.0991289562413935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738325857134659,0.0,0.15656206121391258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893283820251466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634171642990382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815672119925388,0.0,0.0,0.08725983210258549,0.09070637083279012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059241205918772875,0.09338140387378904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857293951245748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602829741579964,0.0,0.06242746773917895,0.043179428623465965,0.08858290138929788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648039393476436,0.0,0.07976903286862948,0.0,0.058996283089002836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649716131189621,0.06553481271182969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967165482768788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127358587553945,0.3086902145072504,0.0,0.0,0.16710084801002048,0.0,0.0,0.08991720034402521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489017597108453,0.0,0.07547852780137895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070429741500388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934610127982556,0.08844674561625906,0.0,0.0748865583632682,0.06804148714414683,0.0,0.0,0.06255788322498053,0.0,0.0,0.07389207574490067,0.0,0.09239701434669342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725056468278657,0.0,0.10107356770069358,0.0,0.1761530474711697,0.11326440833455505,0.0,0.21049848977398586,0.10307357877156678,0.0,0.0,0.08445366431200038,0.0,0.060006198717503276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633446251636276,0.0,0.0,0.15639160227708035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946685632288943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519797758410337,0.0,0.12868763173997266,0.0,0.0900697427088389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22766280199274835
bpd,ToriKay15,2019/08/31,"How do you deal with emptiness? I have no idea how to deal with how i feel. I feel empty and can find no joy or solace, but i am somehow distraught over this??? I tend to be inconsolable but am only able to recognize this hours after the fact. How do you vets of this issue cope? I hate being this down and the only thing I’ve found to help is smoking weed which isn’t an option any more (and it’s bad to have that crutch especially illegally).",2.8039285714285707,3.99743116304348,4.157453416149071,88.66456521739131,74.32608695652173,6.9962732919254655,21.838509316770182,7.447530270364453,0.5903118012422368,345,8,76,4,7,114,62,92,0.22,0.722,0.057999999999999996,-0.9490000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,1,1,3,0,11,0,0,4,1,20,16,10,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,8,1,11,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,55,16,0,0.24264994483479155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501028330881684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260256844208407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003228768026939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453822058470884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177765360460144,0.0,0.0,0.2660531400632909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956658455111302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264314318144424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389613175530538,0.0,0.0,0.2739222522656829,0.0,0.2532634999726835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690924345442833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612058413135842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CharmingThought,2019/08/31,"Is it possible to be emotional but lack empathy? Sometimes I would cry just from reading a paragraph in a book, or watching five minutes of a film. Doesn't this mean I have an above average ability to understand the emotions of others?

But at the same time, I really don't care what happens to other people. I only pretend to be helpful and caring when I remember or when I need something, which is terrible.

How is it possible to feel such intense emotions myself, but not care about how others feel?",6.268666666666667,7.025899884210531,7.229210526315789,71.4336403508772,65.94736842105263,10.543859649122806,37.93859649122807,10.504223727775694,4.404438596491229,399,21,66,10,6,134,67,95,0.196,0.677,0.127,-0.8559,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,2,0,19,18,10,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,7,3,11,15,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,57,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943908405776738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754769487279712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454505150473306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345432289643996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293268258303282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834006789815134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760671434528157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984978949664385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229301728835002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205687580400048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644367869900762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167804607803418,0.0,0.10354707501149923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310015945141253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443398514195465,0.15986046115699432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425026338869902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826701240649952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482037314043465,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyoniongirl,2019/08/31,"Experiences on Wellbutrin Hey everyone, I was diagnosed with BPD earlier this year and immediately started on Lamictal. im currently up to 100 mg and I have truly noticed a huge difference in my life.  I don't overthink things as much as I was, I don't cry every 5 minuets while watching movies or TV, and I haven't felt as suicidal.  My moods don't change every 10 minuets.   Although these changes have helped, I am still depressed and have absolutely no energy or motivation.  So my doc started me on Wellbutrin 150mg XL, since I have not tolerated SSRI's very well in the past, and my mom had a good experience on it.   I just wanted to document my first few days on it, and would really love to hear other peoples experiences on it, especially others with BPD. 

Day 1:  felt very strange.  high almost.  a bit manic and irritable.   was able to sleep though.  Mouth and stomach felt very strange 

Day 2: Had a bad stomach ache, didn't eat all day- just ate dinner.  extremely irritable.  really wanted to fight my mom lol. 

Day 3:  Had some energy in the morning.  felt very foggy- almost like i was getting sick.  kind of high.  terrible stomach ache- threw up.  ate something and felt worse.  the desire to eat is completely gone.  very weird considering I am a binge eater.   feeling pretty depressed, cried a few times today.  Feeling extremely alone, irritable, angry and mean.  and worse than I did just on Lamictal.  Wanted to go out but didn't feel like being around people.

​

I know it's supposed to take a few weeks for the medication to work, and I really hope the side effects subside.  It's gonna be tough for me to ride it out because I am very sensitive to medications.  I'd love to hear your experiences,  thank you for reading!",2.801483180428136,5.522175318042816,4.4797171253822645,79.12367354740063,80.22324159021406,7.792354740061161,27.126146788990823,8.680891452615391,2.5358128440366974,1367,59,246,34,36,458,184,327,0.12,0.742,0.138,0.8758,1,1,1,0,1,0,52.0,0,2,0,4,8,17,1,0,12,1,25,17,5,2,1,46,54,22,1,6,7,2,8,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,11,17,5,0,12,2,0,4,8,7,1,1,19,11,25,9,37,31,7,39,0,2,1,2,11,19,0,6,18,143,36,3,0.07435420101157712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890998374202202,0.0770085281942399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056274573118677,0.09034849270192673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619100290634647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208265206761581,0.04532563080591473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117552993541795,0.0,0.18729302656376176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573137713100598,0.0,0.07795896511276526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334919681382984,0.23976154241445585,0.0,0.1280823287579867,0.07546794888311527,0.0,0.07768431457212167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216582036295098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252932424452951,0.07104862544584452,0.0,0.29093070416754785,0.0,0.0,0.11278715437566365,0.05311865605934255,0.3569584663345357,0.0,0.0,0.06324564539658631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884700117207515,0.0,0.042257205928114,0.06236477609733791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760517687755136,0.0,0.049838053618769584,0.1571185913952873,0.0,0.07385049861806843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803152963374571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774284584208346,0.040863124345616834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052518571089439685,0.07265141367698569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421513878954808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099352258256019,0.0,0.14980807012096112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416548315382874,0.0,0.0,0.05465889304752795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465275066800666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097949821876293,0.10309568182884396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564495324655607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743743223143435,0.0,0.1428996153484388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061506563431888976,0.0,0.07440789872631445,0.0,0.0,0.0572414965563053,0.0,0.0,0.10525657234993327,0.0,0.05937936097508245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133142773150279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590510566621657,0.0,0.0,0.0684553584895038,0.0,0.0,0.04939762725860725,0.0,0.07305262497697601,0.0,0.043356532550495916,0.0,0.07047908855044957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681000170185493,0.13156810262264607,0.0,0.059642455075220674,0.0,0.06685335628997033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413074389068818,0.0,0.15154656617580473,0.052819091072378366,0.0,0.09034849270192673,0.04788166765321706
bpd,anonnjs,2019/08/31,"I’m sick of being sick Taylor,

I’m sick of making myself sick. I’m tired. I have tried to overdose on a multitude of pills. I have drank more alcohol than most would suspect I could. I’ve combined it all. 

My mind torments me. There doesn’t seem to be an easy way out of this. And let me just reassure you, you’re not the only reason I want it to end.

I can’t overdose or drink you out of my system. For whatever reason, you walked into my life and  never really left nor did you ever really stay. Now I’m left wanting to wreak havoc on this body, drown it in toxins and fade away into nothingness. 

I’m weak. I’m a coward. I’m a runner. I don’t know how to change that. I don’t know what I need to do to live a life worth living,

I’m sad. I’m also numb. I feel worthless and inadequate. I feel I’ll never make it in this harsh world, I’m too sensitive. I’m just not cut out for this life. 

It’s no fault of yours and I hope you know that, it’s no one’s issues aside from my own. 

I just want to disappear. I don’t think I’m capable of living a life worth living. I’m miserable and I fear death less than I fear life. 

It is what it is. Nothing changes. Eventually I’ll give up and it’ll be lights out for me.",-0.9965679264555654,1.0006991423221017,1.92875042560436,95.64519918283965,91.28464419475657,5.183929179434799,15.581545795028939,6.714681859716394,-0.3519003745318354,929,20,224,13,33,325,132,267,0.249,0.682,0.069,-0.9943,0,0,2,0,0,1,34.0,0,6,0,0,9,11,1,3,7,0,18,17,1,5,4,45,47,11,2,7,6,0,2,0,0,2,14,0,0,0,17,13,3,0,10,2,2,3,13,9,0,1,2,3,29,2,33,38,5,27,0,3,0,0,8,15,0,4,6,134,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225277531695929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168688840501353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771900552972284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735214417858348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425725009490281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154001854931867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231497518097304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015473373822836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370898737624637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580299775910237,0.11594264500385082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099843162362438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138749646450822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966654211293555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902865629425405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491387208451478,0.11723908681778918,0.4049092787409404,0.0,0.0,0.4049580533706173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530617422046897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576548970881365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501275066429137,0.1768528513265272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001135673336716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769092975805858,0.08719775128813127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689757415411678,0.2357619964969005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437456220421648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122203411106588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734641521539429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177521338562734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784094893678077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287355285247535,0.09100514845790388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144524737143582,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fluffythrowblanket,2019/02/22,"Do any of you guys place your teachers/professors/bosses into parental roles and start to idolize them and obsess over what they think of you? Whenever an older man or woman shows some level of interest in how I’m doing, I freak out internally and put them on a pedestal and try to do anything I can to get them to like me and approve of me. 
This is a problem for me right now in college, and it has been throughout high school. I don’t know what my passions actually are and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m only choosing my major based on what the adults I’ve unfairly placed in these parental roles do for a living and therefore approve of me for choosing to study that.
Is this a common BPD experience or is that just my own personal trauma issues?",9.930949227373072,6.465067668874178,9.54155629139073,71.47891280353204,61.052980132450344,12.185871964679912,41.06070640176601,9.725611199111238,3.885780573951436,602,24,117,8,6,196,96,151,0.083,0.8490000000000001,0.068,-0.3094,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,4,2,3,8,0,2,7,0,13,1,0,2,0,22,20,11,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,10,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,1,18,3,21,19,3,19,0,0,0,1,16,13,0,3,5,84,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.19377554524065774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350343181811551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340608052978864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25009179505247825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423943159029852,0.0,0.0,0.10040289064390376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374455935467017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966153865231102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979996574932305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725535011039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091288053436289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701120641238564,0.0,0.1753408297119141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102133105012025,0.0,0.0,0.4409766742316635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338354785901464,0.4149264932114105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000454438661266,0.0,0.19961756076937295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957758065986225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009633056060637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405487732406536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723555228043065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481590459589254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anikamachiavelli,2019/02/22,When your FP gets an SO How do you feel and how do you react to the SO?,1.4383333333333326,-0.13164716666666545,3.885555555555555,99.265,76.22222222222223,7.2,18.0,3.1291,-0.9537333333333337,53,0,17,0,1,19,14,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,5,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6954390606583009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7185850770164239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lysitsa,2019/02/22,"Just broke up with my FP... I can't calm down I broke up with my FP today after one year. It was for the best. I realize that for years I've been jumping from guy to guy, using them as an emotional crutch to distract myself from my own issues and find validation.

I didn't love him the way that he deserved to be loved. I'm moving my stuff to the spare room in the house and that will be my room from now on. He's absolutely torn. 

I'm alone for the first time in years and I'm so scared. I officially have nobody. I know in my heart that this is what I need to heal because I need to learn to love myself. It's hard to focus right now on anything without breaking down and crying. I'm so anxious. I don't even have any hobbies that I can distract myself with because over the years I've filled the hole in my heart with other people. 

Please give me your kind words and pray for me. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. I love you all.",1.3624637681159406,2.9017919371980696,2.9751932367149783,94.21467391304351,78.90338164251206,5.759420289855073,19.712560386473427,6.42735559955562,-0.1064512077294686,749,17,176,6,18,247,113,207,0.18100000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.08,-0.9598,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,2,7,13,0,3,9,0,15,8,2,1,2,22,28,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,13,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,4,1,28,7,35,21,4,31,1,2,0,4,13,15,0,1,11,118,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347244581681654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884593913218686,0.0,0.0,0.14695425581305227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107045398656107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859207271316011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365117536677304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428876291301093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463233695388129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591712862327361,0.11766551312350924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889147665990953,0.11064664534373414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247853376344897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576008477047353,0.0,0.0,0.11652682875585706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082927021416676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500957555844694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577053867425606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545911540124098,0.07148899499332828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187990213167424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696119319610497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825528330400086,0.0,0.19290650081587649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814610330597313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018163442128664,0.0,0.0,0.14278963433757735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108827569953203,0.0,0.0,0.13023355394105926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891137198685425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641989041035386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758511491244537,0.0,0.12330136985861387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234802882891387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325206870772134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539323034772432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350710308082658
bpd,salusinfide,2019/02/22,"I quit She left me finally. Or I pushed her to her breaking point. You pick. When I got off the plane on my way home I realized that I really wanted to be with my parents. So I stopped off at a dollar store to get a few supplies en route to my final destination. I get there, it’s dark and I can’t really see the tattoo on my finger that I’m cutting off. Don’t worry it only ended up being minor self harm. The noose is still hanging in the tree. So it has come to this then. I haven’t used heroin in 8 months. This isn’t a relapse... this was a very different act entirely. I’m playing Russian roulette with a G of tar. She knew I wouldn’t be able to handle her leaving me so in s sense it’s like I’m doing her a favor! ",-0.8052234359483634,1.1876172893081751,2.2938099966898413,93.52218470705068,89.9433962264151,5.108374710360809,18.431314134392586,6.5966054737557815,0.028225157232703687,555,16,129,7,19,197,101,159,0.095,0.8540000000000001,0.051,-0.7436,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,0,10,0,12,1,1,2,0,12,23,7,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,9,4,0,1,2,1,2,4,5,2,0,0,3,2,23,3,19,16,1,26,0,0,1,0,9,12,0,1,9,83,32,0,0.1949675380143996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679472703937822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369958049988932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268336924957392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42715481591361104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372498324829588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593335077366816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556833730981926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644247166711308,0.21183280051996226,0.0,0.0,0.09525129088309417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562122874428136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828159823369133,0.0,0.0,0.2164883781124536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430734250110334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737197570693555,0.0,0.0,0.2498023945623178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536388526523542,0.0,0.2033936629890876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557013277081354,0.16300159184848906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683893540360398,0.0,0.16086863751426494,0.11499690535561972,0.15475615668392925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979989988031327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,terroraaa,2019/02/22,"A boy with anxiety, and a girl with BPD. Hi, First I'm french so it's a little difficult for me to write in english and to understand correctly the answers ...
So I recently went through a lot of new emotions it made me understand that I thought too much. I'm doing a kind of ""overthinking"", and I learned that it was due to anxiety.
But this feeling happened to me mostly when I get closer with someone, a girl.
I try to learn to control myslef mentaly, by stoping thinking too much, but it's very difficult for me because the person with who I'm getting closer has BPD. So when she get cold and when she is no longer the same person with me overnight, I start to ask myself too many questions and I suddently tell myslef that I could not maintain something with her... It's much more complicated in my head but it would be difficult to explain everything.
I'm trying to make some progress on my side because I think I should accept me and understand me before loving someone.
So I started to see a psychologist to try to resolve my problems, but for the moment i'm just at my first meeting, so I can't give a conclusion. 
Now I want to help the girl. I appreciate her a lot because she brought me a lot of good in my life. She also brought me the worst feelings I could have, but it is because of her very difficult personnality (her BPD), (I don't want to criticize people with this). 
So I try to understand the feelings that these people may have, to try to understand her. But it's always very difficult.

I know that my text and my explanations may seem unclear, but I would want to know if you have some advices for me, for my problem of overthinking in this situation, and if you can help to understand better the people with BPD. 
I would want to know if you had a similar situation as mine too. 
Thanks.
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bpd,EightNineEight,2019/02/22,"Just got my preliminary diagnosis... I'm in therapy and part of the therapy is seeing a psychiatrist who will give you a preliminary diagnosis. And one of those was BPD. Anyone else feel really...sad and angry when they were diagnosed? Or like people would judge you by your diagnosis?

I feel like I'm looking back at my life and wondering whether I've been misinterpreting everything. ",5.4808695652173895,8.043110927536237,7.3645652173913065,62.74510869565222,70.15942028985508,12.13623188405797,31.78985507246377,11.538034831475384,4.908089855072463,310,14,51,13,6,108,52,69,0.049,0.872,0.079,0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,11,15,7,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,7,2,5,9,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,4,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199400658513373,0.2227268920322968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671483447386477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27377683761869953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063156077789192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815893405241321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536308648538767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982317238753168,0.1552931034464467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085263908471436,0.0,0.0,0.1738550481288108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353874698826234,0.21239738232583535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825406758876556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729926719013614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539648767581575,0.0,0.15070080430162502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322013293661453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971756664305122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23573446140175705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441732118912474,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,depressed-teen,2019/02/22,"I hate this illness for ruining my life. Yesterday I was feeling pretty well actually, a new guy started talking to me and he seemed to like me enough to ask me out! 
I was so nervous but also really excited. 
This hasn't happened in a long time, and it made me feel confident. Just a day before I was begging my cheater ex to come back with me, and he agreed to talk. After I met this guy I said: fuck it, I don't have to go after someone ho hurt me when there's better people out there. I accepted that it was over and blocked my ex. 

Guess what happened? I fucked it all over again. This new guy told me some secrets about his ex that happens to also be an ex high school classmate of mine. I asked a friend of her for more info on their relationship and how they broke up, because I heard my classmate talk about him and how he was this manipulative psycho. 

I just wanted to make sure, and ended up saying more than I should've have. This friend talked to the guy after I told her that my classmate kissed his bf, she was pissed. Now the guy made clear that he won't talk to me anymore and that I fucked up.

I can't help but feel more depressed for being a damn snitch and ruining a chance to meet someone new. I hate myself so much. I didn't even spend that much time with him, we started talking yesterday! 
Just after this guy responded and told me that, I cried and texted my ex. 
I even thought about suicide because every goddamn time someone comes into my life, I ruin it one way or another.

¿¿¿wtf brain??? First I felt like I could eat the world, get better, meet people, that I could finally be normal! then, when something goes slightly bad in my life, the confidence I gained so quickly vanishes and leaves me with these thoughts: That I'm so isolated and that I'll never be able to have real friends again. That I would never get better and that I would be better off dead.

The last one at least has some reasoning behind it, I wouldn't have to suffer this much if I just killed myself. 

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bpd,awkwardaznbabe,2019/02/22,"Any tips for dating someone with BPD? I’m currently interested in someone who has been diagnosed with BPD. He has been open about his diagnosis and the symptoms that he has. He has expressed an interest in dating. I have some ideas on how to approach this in a way that is healthy. If anyone thinks differently, has added suggestions, or can link me to informative articles, it would be greatly appreciated!

Be empathic and compassionate.
Listen mindfully when he’s speaking. 
Communicate honestly and mindfully. 
Don’t give advice that you are not equipped to give.
Do not enable behaviors. 
Research BPD.
Ask about his specific symptoms and triggers.
Get to know him as a person aside from his BPD.
Validate his feelings and worth as a person. ",4.569333333333333,7.832593676923082,5.4899999999999975,71.13833333333334,77.61538461538461,9.312820512820512,33.282051282051285,9.558583805096642,4.280605128205128,598,32,92,19,15,195,90,130,0.0,0.8340000000000001,0.166,0.9678,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,16,3,0,2,0,24,25,11,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,6,8,0,0,6,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,8,5,16,20,1,11,0,0,0,0,22,5,0,3,4,63,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403834387030222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327849955715574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591059824845694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823295311580826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6910298865731296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922196974816842,0.0,0.1433106829233951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935593200759789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166427737902575,0.2631668359309801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512274841946987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484523857728785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538358661731089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769998366969835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395384730345123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244289579805685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851387877254165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789129731541769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887705535056752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743974771056296,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,billbo6000,2019/02/22,"Undiagnosed, was ""too depressed"" to diagnose but i'm pretty sure I have bpd. In such a fk weird mode rn. I have no idea who I am or what I am like. Wtf are my morals? Idk who I like, I feel like I wanna write FK YOU to everyone on my phone. Does any1 else have this? I have had feelings like ""out of the person"" be4 with anxiety attacks but this is some weird stuff.. ",-1.4534615384615357,0.5283160897435941,1.014230769230771,99.36826923076927,99.64102564102564,4.651282051282052,15.474358974358973,6.42735559955562,-0.4826871794871792,277,7,68,4,12,93,56,78,0.22899999999999998,0.56,0.21,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,2,9,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,12,13,3,0,1,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,11,5,8,11,1,3,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,4,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205939806037376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558733398052296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832726326582524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371900347780868,0.2282840418958213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968246764225956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878876642756332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491596933474472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274476150105541,0.3213587141233065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539017153304647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395285312262754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638714677282845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288194648418198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574739224391112,0.0,0.0,0.2119797733944072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kle03,2019/02/22,"Advice for mom with bpd I'm 26 and have been doing well since I got pregnant with my daughter who is now 1.5. Maybe a breakdown/episode every 6 months so twice a year.. which is great for me. 
I have serious anxiety about my daughter also getting bpd. Im also scared me having bpd is going to negatively impact my daughter whether she gets it or not.. I dont want to fuck her up.. 
I went back to university, stopped smoking and drinking, got some better hobbies- I'm literally doing everything I can to be a good mom and take her far away from the path I had as a child but the anxiety is still there... 
What can I do to MAKE SURE she will avoid the bpd curse? Any advice for a mom with bpd? ",2.2984272300469506,3.9346370352112654,3.899647887323948,88.1805046948357,76.53521126760563,6.705164319248826,25.21361502347418,7.492282038375204,1.1445896713615022,537,19,115,7,12,179,92,142,0.12,0.78,0.099,-0.2492,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,2,8,0,17,2,0,1,1,16,29,10,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,0,1,0,2,3,4,1,1,5,0,16,5,16,22,1,11,0,0,0,1,12,3,1,2,6,79,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298319182638484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429860705190622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410846773697258,0.0,0.16673504759054006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238799103918887,0.083797005478323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638178276535407,0.0,0.0,0.6862670162137592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772087135494842,0.10675650611370603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181828199610766,0.0,0.09794199071534623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007479844989619,0.11387253897202215,0.0,0.06193445032710719,0.09140519451126253,0.17431859637333952,0.12014812831031015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771444945936915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274335764718942,0.0,0.10948259173356877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828995515026778,0.08698483687422456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910553403419453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014735153440404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870296083707669,0.0911101074807622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271004665710383,0.0,0.08193755156945612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427777967128283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979839008141058,0.10102327620204207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017796614125507
bpd,carriefishersghost,2019/02/22,"Being serially into girls with BPD - what's up with that? A couple of the guys I've dated, including my current long-term boyfriend, have been been involved with multiple women with BPD (myself included), some in serious relationships, at various points in their dating history. All of them were pre-diagnosis and the fact we've got BPD has come out either during the relationship or years afterwards - so I don't think it's a conscious pre-meditated decision. What's up with that? The guys themselves are different and I can't see a clear reason, but we're only 1-2% of the population and it seems unlikely it's happened by chance. Does anyone have any ideas as to why, or any prior experience with this? It freaked me out at first, but now I'm just really curious.

​

NB: i've read that NPD and BPD usually fall together quite often, but i don't think either them have that",8.835178571428571,7.464652636904763,9.316666666666666,65.67000000000002,61.32142857142857,13.4,37.66666666666667,12.38480682065935,4.764116666666666,705,28,126,21,8,238,112,168,0.036000000000000004,0.922,0.042,0.4381,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,3,2,4,2,0,0,8,0,12,0,0,1,3,34,20,11,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,14,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,4,1,9,0,21,15,5,21,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,5,9,80,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990170228276202,0.1568951978108685,0.1756123519540396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028385863673777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6504895781330726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111225634741921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286906533736585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490314599719766,0.0,0.0,0.11299397291828613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630434945443553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982959148981844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326923370990357,0.0,0.0,0.25569863219033584,0.11418058237224073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576100958174046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426732977462126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820174418684348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206034137510342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733524558993998,0.12915515978839756,0.0,0.08271771797808937,0.13275708907025122,0.0,0.27725358452949705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289209651386247,0.1175461970724854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547004412731472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220767818604568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651091340116095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568951978108685,0.08314918703458958
bpd,dancetilsunday,2019/02/22,"I’m scared this is the depression I won’t make it out of. And even more scared that I don’t know if I want to come out on the other side of this anymore. 

",-1.360833333333332,0.34789458333333195,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,89.27777777777777,4.711111111111111,14.555555555555555,5.985473137389443,-1.1096444444444449,119,2,33,1,4,40,27,36,0.258,0.7070000000000001,0.035,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,7,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504430193840021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043925640883593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043526623853368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233394177502649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420010252110667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358738083230518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7075598007610012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084237677775286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PoeDameronski,2019/02/22,"Advice needed for gf who had a cutting relapse Here's my issue: I can't get turned on with these new cuts on her. She had scarring and no fresh cuts when we first started dating. It's been over a year since we got together and since she's cut. Now, I'm in this spot where I find her wounds and self-mutilation to really push me away at a core sexual level. It's like sharing my love with her body feels toxic or in some way validating that I accept her behavior as a normal part of our relationship.

Has anyone else been turned off by fresh cuts and how did you she handle you not wanting to hookup until the cuts had healed a bit?",3.06114503816794,4.3379200381679395,4.381595419847328,86.98124809160306,73.80916030534351,7.377404580152671,21.496946564885498,7.908726449838941,0.7674574045801528,499,11,107,7,10,165,96,131,0.10800000000000001,0.752,0.141,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,2,0,1,6,10,6,0,6,0,8,4,1,1,0,18,18,9,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,7,1,18,4,17,11,3,20,0,0,0,1,17,10,0,2,9,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806141518669897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456658980702368,0.19718934313581546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081455468701013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101072345416784,0.21377027317368447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607685648180607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730927992934717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758972188075635,0.16369917956374802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054798524870297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392107539665498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086940476919252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940221001658949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369502648849142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270037658155146,0.0,0.18587089424995495,0.0,0.0,0.1885616455119182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084062609491329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328938298613265,0.0,0.0,0.20662092839885676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007689258315598,0.0,0.0,0.3183958012745428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362181888518318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186640181046678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351290312048715,0.15275907266058733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123932480439179
bpd,jrdickmartian,2019/02/22,"I sincerely hate being alive I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t learn new things, can’t associate with human beings, have constant suicidal ideations. I think I’m just done. Peace.",2.121142857142857,5.0038074,2.648571428571429,88.54142857142858,89.28571428571428,6.2285714285714295,24.142857142857146,7.554174236665415,1.654828571428571,149,6,27,3,5,46,27,35,0.2,0.513,0.28600000000000003,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469009441896779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780022722695248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35795997384640105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453484487494057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089132919106104,0.0,0.30887387714319664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378325321414993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826170775379164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323871141349063,0.22413341152703672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EchoesofPoe,2019/02/22,"Just want to drop out of school My grad program is actually genuinely terrible/unsupportive and it's getting impossible for me to get out of bed and go in the mornings. 

Sometimes I feel like I'd rather be committed than go for one more day. I cry all the time and feel tired and miserable. 

I just have no idea what to do, and there are 0 mental health resources in the school or the city. ",4.96846153846154,5.520448666666669,5.773487179487183,81.45484615384619,68.74358974358975,9.82974358974359,30.98461538461539,9.888512548439397,2.7402430769230763,308,12,65,7,5,101,58,78,0.16699999999999998,0.762,0.071,-0.835,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,2,17,12,6,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,12,11,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,42,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.2319955397225363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26114126720755915,0.15331972053736834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404124088589888,0.1698382780725713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24841395761133886,0.0,0.2702211096218673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527017036716477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683744254394305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614554954715495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395814530195881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109571736101935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812020060694578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235126473665744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862547319245475,0.273241967844478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022254863866832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reallybigsadface,2019/02/22,"alone hey there

i haven’t been diagnosed but i have most of the symptoms of bpd and coming to this sub has helped a lot to not be so scared of myself and feel less of a monster. i feel more ready to bring up bpd to my doctor now. if anyone wouldn’t mind giving me some advice of how to talk to the doctor i’d be really grateful. i’m really suffering at the moment despite being on meds and i just feel alone",3.0841287878787886,3.6299743068181836,4.745909090909091,87.159696969697,72.97727272727272,7.684848484848485,21.484848484848484,7.793537801064563,0.7028348484848488,321,6,71,4,6,109,60,88,0.14300000000000002,0.74,0.11699999999999999,-0.3554,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,0,8,4,0,1,0,17,15,7,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,14,10,5,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,4,2,51,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812745004589606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38425693114584863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297102402505974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672771009912129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979715557404384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828487647856856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797468890517602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813925082670733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795443954050286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434088786586554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577107277201154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605555607493886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730836854059574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376800290534596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857240565300476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281195892875644,0.0,0.14910284748708968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lightscarred,2019/02/22,"More than anything, I need money. I posted in r/suicidewatch as well but I know this community is equally as supportive and may help me find a solution.


I've spent the last few weeks trying to find information on what to do about being unemployed and in debt and so on... Too many articles are written by people who haven't experienced severe suicidal thoughts, too many people just shove links in my face about applying for temp positions or whatever online, without ever acknowledging how hard it is to work up the motivation to even do so.

I have been recovering from three recent suicide attempts in the past year. I genuinely thought I was much better, but obviously again I'm now entering the low trough of the wave that is mental health.

I have failed and withdrawn from many courses last year due to the above suicide attempts. Now I'm back at school and only taking 9 credit hours, but I have been so poorly motivated that I haven't gone to class at all this semester. I do the online homework but otherwise I spend all day at the library to pretend like I'm doing something with my days. (We with BPD are masters at hiding things, aren't we?)

Even a year ago I considered that college wasn't right for me. If I withdraw from all my classes again (most likely option considering it's too late to expect me to gain motivation to pass, much less go to class) I will most likely be forced to drop out.

I'm lost on what to do. In the nearby future I almost certainly will be unemployed, in massive student loan debt, and without a degree. My family's financial burdens are HUGE (we might file for bankruptcy this year if we don't sell our house... and even selling our house will only provide about $45k which isn't enough long-term for a family with 5 dependents) and I do not see how I could contribute to lessening this load. My parents are 56 and 65 respectively and don't plan on retiring till 70, I do not want them dealing with crippling debt for the remainder of their elderly lives. (Nevermind the fact my dad has had 3 heart attacks and is very much at the risk of sudden death before he could even retire.)

I have sought therapy. I am currently on medication for a host of mental illnesses. But more than ever, I need some financial help. If someone were to come and give me the money needed to secure my family's immediate future in exchange for my life, I would gladly do it. A therapist cannot help me with finances. A psychiatrist or a counselor at school cannot do that. My student loan creditors are unwilling to let me defer if I'm not enrolled.

Please help. My family does not deserve this burden of debt.",6.507518151815183,6.810898461386143,7.19123762376238,73.48698844884491,65.37623762376238,10.693729372937293,33.26897689768977,10.504223727775694,3.5264838283828386,2093,83,380,50,30,694,262,505,0.142,0.731,0.127,-0.8499,10,0,1,0,0,3,54.0,6,0,2,12,24,18,1,1,21,0,50,6,2,6,8,78,72,31,4,12,18,2,1,3,0,6,4,0,1,0,17,23,0,1,11,1,16,5,15,7,1,1,12,3,46,11,68,48,15,57,0,3,1,0,19,23,0,14,30,266,63,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305987149925708,0.0,0.08253117594601386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782418659520288,0.0,0.0,0.09376402537334147,0.0,0.0633754713179088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013288337067992,0.0,0.0,0.07289330775423379,0.0,0.0,0.10380441485759964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099706018157466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161045215216582,0.0,0.0,0.10630745659808197,0.08497083622608928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721258180638747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516132626489127,0.0,0.21774908353378364,0.14910622629464862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107908976869923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065977237314665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906424872363417,0.046840874060963884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383164037040661,0.0,0.0,0.08760802361620376,0.0,0.09766744773014516,0.22097608601682028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116655831501532,0.1902019640585127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045295575492299775,0.13436570789508848,0.09297273205733124,0.0,0.0,0.08427947399684625,0.05821529654485647,0.120797943580929,0.0,0.07277788631599053,0.07293862163718416,0.0,0.0,0.08997056819833056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506811649587435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302892715847354,0.16611884517737355,0.08743401418104338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176334208463985,0.1833389384927648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536741477171648,0.0,0.0,0.09151704802003373,0.0,0.07867869311168801,0.11427854120286868,0.0,0.0,0.09047180845470297,0.0,0.0,0.07893505239819826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137926592315797,0.0,0.0,0.0703857618746376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682577164843854,0.06567763254714706,0.0,0.0,0.09311052125877628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698337344156817,0.06345052097898284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704605105730712,0.09352861767916702,0.0,0.0,0.06196917085173224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425382655477693,0.09569533652109163,0.05475582179444225,0.0,0.0,0.1308636774614985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595739791118722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800467975543249,0.0486131283413228,0.0,0.06611191311649021,0.0,0.07410498573564847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889882161495614,0.0,0.060002342836470164,0.0,0.0,0.058548414136624864,0.0,0.0,0.21230170004033386
bpd,hidele,2019/02/22,"Help. I am losing control I have plan how to fix things but I cant follow it.
I forget to drink my meds
I abandon therapy for weeks
I drink almost every day
I skip work
I meet with random strangers
I lie for no fucking reason
I just cant take responsibility for my own actions
I dont want to go back to mental hospital it never helped as I just cant follow rules and just continue my destructive behavior there. (Drinking, fucking my ex, smoking weed and just not taking therapy seriously and using hospital as somekind of sick summer camp)
I am hungover today again and cant focus on work. Wich I fucking love but if I dont perform well I will lose my job.
I skipped work because I wanted to play video games. I mean my impulse control is terible.

I will start taking my meds today again but how to make sure I dont stop
I want to be responsible for myself and not some child that needs constant supervision. 

And to make matters worse today I am moving in with my undiagnosed BPD friend who has better control but still we sometimes end up encoraging each others destructiveness.

Yeah idk what I want to say. Just if you read this maybe you have some usefull article I could read to get motivated for at least few days or a good book or just advice how to get myself under control",3.619975531714666,5.495143992094864,5.012919254658385,80.58057971014495,73.50592885375494,7.348691887822323,27.46263881046489,8.11559375814309,1.893749256540561,1022,39,191,16,21,341,148,253,0.14,0.703,0.157,0.6836,1,0,3,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,0,13,15,17,5,0,1,1,18,8,0,12,2,55,40,19,0,8,16,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,8,10,3,6,3,9,0,5,11,9,1,0,0,1,38,8,26,36,6,27,0,3,0,4,13,5,3,8,17,130,46,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761043804057811,0.0,0.0,0.08977715660852223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893964066825597,0.0,0.054653236176458564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929311355318364,0.0,0.0,0.11291811975904413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968858786927606,0.4022256231083461,0.0715827203402043,0.0,0.0,0.1156409207825015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31522717047416754,0.263485137510596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940827157700507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755387299517011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692677126252988,0.24865553881419397,0.09368272617741624,0.0,0.05095335717743797,0.07519888364565208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018854968240962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896937263174239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060342024892688,0.0,0.0,0.08091770095965352,0.0,0.11969165028210818,0.0,0.09007112474316369,0.09766125787465824,0.1991743734801497,0.0,0.0903517816641278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528973954105756,0.0,0.06647850910009216,0.06914794424612201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793597719716428,0.0,0.0,0.09218091349300618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712977506390949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867170452617085,0.0,0.06345871205188741,0.0,0.07159909705999896,0.07495611609408584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449936449569473,0.0,0.20222961417981372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050580389911285,0.0,0.059563212714714785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25494914490279563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743367305189001,0.0,0.0,0.21152483949502812,0.0,0.07191633354928376,0.0,0.08061117309431656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581108597913535,0.0,0.0913667402490595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Masalamamba,2019/02/22,"Brexit anxiety Anyone else from the UK massively triggered by Brexit?

It's so triggering for me, I've gotten so unwell over it. My partner is living in Berlin and I had planned to go and join him there but... now maybe I can't and I don't have an amazing work CV or any skills because BPD so I'm quite worried about my chances for living and working there and yeah. It's just scary because I can't control it or plan for my future at all in any way :/ ",1.3987251461988317,3.3063721473684216,3.0592982456140376,91.92953216374272,80.15789473684211,5.485380116959064,24.239766081871338,6.42735559955562,0.6597836257309937,354,13,76,3,9,117,66,95,0.136,0.799,0.064,-0.7863,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,1,13,9,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,9,1,11,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,48,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173603954040524,0.0,0.17850558190885396,0.0,0.0,0.16315777766621714,0.2390859057336498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844855823225302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938854064441827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617122942307785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949268521400315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261333181725782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120895769118154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344228646431141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24818737041197864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521559362837275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397507309547391,0.23696958419589625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,megleeandbpd,2019/02/22,"Every aspect of my life is just bad. I need a friend. Maybe you? I’m so sorry if this kind of post isn’t allowed, but reaching out on friends finding Reddit’s doesn’t help. The stigma of this shit, or the misinformation is too rampant. 

No my username is not meg lee and bpd. It’s me glee and bpd. So no, not a female sorry. Though fuck it I’m questioning that so hard right now. 

E v e r y t h I n g in my life is just so.. bad? I can’t get my head above water. Professional help is not helping, it’s making me worse. Right now the sound of my mum obsessively cleaning with that price of shit vacuum and complaining is making me want to slam my head into the corner of my fish tank, which is also giving me problems. But then I’d have to take a day off my short staffed POS job I can’t quit, because surprise, debt and little to show for it. Also fuck how expensive rentals and living is in this country. So fucking much. 

Rant done. I wanna find a friend to watch shows (re; binge watch) movies, maybe video games (I don’t play much now adays). I love cars. Fish. Dogs. Cats. Animals in general. Drugs (weed, psychs, stimulants perk my interest but I’d get addicted so I have to run if I see them). Alcohol (let’s be drunk buddies idk). Oh and a plethora of hobbies I’ve started and dropped straight away. Doh. 

Promise I’m normally much more upbeat and fun. ",-0.3179838709677405,1.9593151541218683,1.80623566308244,94.53602016129037,94.59139784946235,4.797168458781362,19.51980286738351,6.508806274219699,0.20527017921146973,1044,35,229,14,40,347,169,279,0.217,0.614,0.168,-0.9363,4,0,2,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,1,1,16,20,5,1,9,0,18,15,4,5,0,36,35,25,0,7,11,1,1,0,3,0,5,1,2,0,10,11,3,0,3,6,3,2,10,10,0,0,1,5,24,10,23,32,4,24,0,0,3,4,14,14,5,4,6,124,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715275829987065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484744777404315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187951064579698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096694456417096,0.0,0.17945764263291866,0.06550969219565937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27069691700759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693060617785286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997404911041188,0.0,0.0,0.12462533091647793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054393287910203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644220312991198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490816747903005,0.2980490991946089,0.1122920980583451,0.10309026068096164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626756941551794,0.0,0.22058027367271155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160946573149722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664247213336807,0.0,0.0,0.11190830415693577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989028650305814,0.1518114746756525,0.0,0.10770820424065856,0.09489360100480056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699139618983132,0.0,0.14346750013220344,0.0,0.215926158099421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369975130383688,0.07968396701546566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529292424653712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292180422835223,0.0,0.0,0.10282953179670633,0.0,0.0,0.12038544165646425,0.11430230038235012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354911750942787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563572498943978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062264275570706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059663262516065,0.07606430990161178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808003374523747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558385821079706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338566614022532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951605887182242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,badassPdisorder,2019/02/22,"I’m struggling with being faithful. I just need some support. I have an ex who has always been there for me. He comes around and around and always ends up holding me accountable, but forgiving me. We recently just started talking again. I’m talking like, on the phone morning, afternoon, and night; constantly talking. 

He lives two states away so it’s not easy to just “get back together”. We had been doing so well. We even talked about making a trip to see each other. Making plans for the future... 

But Last night I called him when I was on my way home....but he didn’t answer...(he was at a dinner, I knew about)  
So I stupidly got a text from my really bad friend and she asked me to come to this bar. I really didn’t feel like going home yet and she was out so I decided I’d go there for just a drink or two instead of home. My friend (being a bad influence) bought me shots on shots. Which is fine. None of this is her fault. 
But, 
Eventually I end up seeing an old guy I know who I’ve hooked up with in the past.  So I flirt with this guy. He’s obviously interested and I end up bringing him over and we hook up. I woke up in the morning and I immediately felt guilt and like I had made a mistake. I knew I didn’t want my ex to find out but I’m a terrible liar when it comes to my ex. He can read me like a book. I can manipulate other people like nothing, but my ex just sees me.  
That night He had tried calling me back. He called a total of 10 times through that night and morning. He was actually worried about me. 
How was I supposed to explain myself? I finally called him back and he flat out asked me what I did. He knew I was with a guy, there was really no other explanation. 
I mean I had been calling him every night before I went to bed for a few weeks now, even when I got drunk. Especially when I was drunk. 
So He found out and is completely upset. He is a very private person and likes to shield his heart. He’s not speaking to me and if he does he goes off about how he is over it. And is over liking anyone. 
Anyways. This is where I get so mad at myself... 
 I KNEW I didn’t want to sleep with that guy. I had been having such a great time getting along with my ex. I had no intentions of fucking it up. But I couldn’t help my impulsive behavior. And I’ve done this with a lot of my relationships.... 
I never cheated on my ex. And we weren’t/aren’t currently together. But you know how that is. It’s unspoken commitment. And I fucking ruined it because I can’t control my fucking behavior and now I have to deal with my consequences. 


Tldr; 
I hooked up with a guy at a bar even though I knew it was a bad idea because I have a difficulty with impulsive behavior.. and the guy I truly love (my ex) found out and won’t speak to me.


I just need support. 
I feel terrible and heart broken myself, and for hurting him because he doesn’t deserve it. 
I hate alcohol. 
I don’t know how to make this better.",0.7952897350993382,2.9188641705298046,2.899234271523177,91.08573882450337,83.61920529801324,6.225331125827816,21.358029801324502,7.472759873165716,0.7382645695364238,2245,72,498,37,64,758,244,604,0.14300000000000002,0.723,0.134,-0.8788,3,0,2,0,0,0,86.0,5,1,0,3,46,40,8,3,25,0,48,14,3,12,4,111,101,48,0,7,17,7,3,7,2,1,1,2,3,7,25,50,7,2,19,7,2,8,15,20,1,2,39,8,88,20,70,58,6,73,1,2,3,4,70,30,3,4,40,341,113,2,0.0,0.0,0.060800740703942625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658514974370854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368558468067338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356513927738182,0.0,0.0,0.11092940699132656,0.11649362144459435,0.0,0.05853764496531976,0.14372621162093718,0.1560663415552167,0.11394173964825598,0.0,0.05301700814371925,0.0,0.0,0.05510375311967414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181021083259294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101084984338254,0.0653256590012129,0.06732962423890371,0.06988041092403134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423377023253186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452356868680367,0.06375969749319699,0.0,0.061035228733320984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555134222486234,0.0,0.0,0.12345569275237067,0.0,0.052494691401421816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300661017245271,0.04451073981441464,0.0598226182598403,0.0682521362842886,0.056945686495026585,0.0,0.0,0.13662854177430275,0.09627345338404236,0.17280004288729012,0.09765545045842973,0.0,0.07081879090649955,0.0,0.09966207952502733,0.06869153703371986,0.0,0.3701507675661695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151333733043386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766356729745214,0.0417617613480968,0.0,0.187491134085601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666988441171461,0.0703348170927241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272367736788343,0.050786931089508436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307370026447334,0.0,0.0550165001929841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296952503819316,0.05623273972842175,0.05895454431325412,0.12476731305060833,0.0,0.0,0.06786846426042417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923968094848108,0.04805349516153933,0.0,0.0,0.29234534149600194,0.0,0.05978337537505446,0.0,0.0653786686164534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947721971436053,0.043194476388359763,0.054402366008637584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232191013471456,0.0,0.1197426303716807,0.0,0.06151871984749587,0.06689230615286278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894717337693306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235004546508645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044099834720884114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513476561760062,0.0,0.0,0.14140606365658767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031375487023248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061214394797141886,0.0,0.07266115081881494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230103880199257,0.0,0.12172596017421974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051408190953005584,0.07349826493062933,0.04945484823451194,0.04997735252903007,0.0,0.05601972203925636,0.057757405097294365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327380212984507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sugied,2019/02/22,"Dumped by ex out of the blue, pretty sure he has BPD, just super confused Hi all,

My bf and I recently started dating in November but we have been friends for six years. We were long distance with a short 5 hour drive between us and we saw each other every two - three weeks. This past weekend we spent together was great- everything seemed fine. Tuesday I get a message from his ex asking me if we were still together. I called his best friend who is also my friend to ask if he gave her my number and he said no but he saw her last night at my boyfriends house. Once my bf wakes up he tells me that he had a panic attack last night and was just struggling in the morning with a migraine. I spent my time texting him to get him through the day while trying to find some more information about why his ex was at his house. Didn’t seem like the conversation was going there so I just said let’s talk on Thursday when you’re more level headed and I’m not about to have an anxiety attack. Right after he sends me some long messages about how he’s a liar and lies all the time to every body about anything to the point he doesn’t even notice sometimes and that he hates himself and we need to break up so he doesn’t drag me down with him. 

Less than 24 hours before we were fine. Everything seemed fine. I had no indication that he was compulsively lying to me or that things were that bad. I knew he had some issues with depression and I encouraged him to talk to me or see a therapist but he never did. The reason he called his ex was because apparently she was the only one that knew. 

Anyway it’s been three days and I just don’t understand. I literally have no explanation. He didn’t even call me to say this. It was all through text and my mind won’t stop racing and overthinking every possible moment we had together trying to figure out if it was real or a lie. I don’t even have the mental space to think about his well being because I’m so fucking hurt and sad and angry and confused all at the same time all the time. 

How the fuck did this happen. Someone help me understand. ",2.8023433385992607,4.609368194312797,3.7736097946287535,88.88623354397055,75.58767772511848,6.774196945760926,22.859662980516056,7.594959193182576,0.8726569773565034,1646,47,344,22,36,529,213,422,0.174,0.721,0.105,-0.9894,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,9,0,0,2,23,28,7,4,20,0,36,6,3,3,7,75,65,32,0,4,14,4,0,1,5,1,1,3,0,0,15,30,0,1,12,1,2,3,12,15,1,5,32,7,49,13,42,30,14,50,0,3,4,2,69,16,2,14,31,229,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842423860824486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545501925494246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041058358166755,0.0,0.15997863049843153,0.19467921627740412,0.0,0.0,0.07144104910149875,0.10431611756646766,0.0,0.0728073198410295,0.0,0.08979248395702416,0.0,0.0,0.09504056307434366,0.10776287627449506,0.0,0.262106400423904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036136861954143,0.0,0.07369478939034182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953951992258084,0.0,0.21627009448319304,0.0,0.1537959770493774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820250435428551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831594684854348,0.158202162306525,0.08940566891883363,0.0,0.048627096669687626,0.0,0.0,0.09433287320982947,0.0,0.0,0.07566256791657569,0.0,0.0,0.08447517848169267,0.08781173056256103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057350688431026316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685235024604009,0.197455096183733,0.09159634326214464,0.0,0.0,0.08930493959822668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394895889090722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749337435465297,0.0,0.04180147786001435,0.0,0.0,0.15144010338871708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622679769578567,0.0,0.08639365593306622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344345235603638,0.0659910152270641,0.0,0.0,0.1605890752992704,0.0,0.0,0.09741338547301928,0.0,0.09112118783717586,0.05797931206891203,0.06507407813738429,0.0,0.10038906771358104,0.0,0.0,0.08167901416201732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088414577450483,0.09645877572792624,0.0,0.08704774424394736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738876915594097,0.0,0.08797242104999825,0.0844825701972007,0.0,0.0,0.0730698415745401,0.16277891537981842,0.06804267284263912,0.0,0.0,0.06818217317528473,0.2336784486788805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249676318629243,0.0,0.08462342398450172,0.0,0.06056152325223805,0.0,0.06833026138149315,0.07153401670077578,0.0,0.08944842191463694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064157090867323,0.0,0.0,0.13754366881529087,0.07478532885231838,0.0,0.0,0.0993445676054845,0.056843871789435625,0.05482494567739009,0.0,0.0,0.1995685472609779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161825372459962,0.0,0.0835820543790036,0.17814699933208109,0.10292105961708592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863301453233822,0.0,0.07693089374000994,0.0,0.07720677820242765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055099395015366516
bpd,infinitesequences,2019/02/22,"New Puppy New to the subreddit, blah blah. 
Have been diagnosed for... blah 5 years ish? 

Anyway. 
So my roommates have been wanting a dog for awhile, and they finally wore me down. Like, we all had to agree that we would get a dog, and they said they would take care of him, his food, vet stuff etc. I could buy him treats or whatever and take him on walks, but he’s primarily their responsibility. 
Ok.
But omfg, he just hit his six month mark, so he could finally get neutered (he’s a husky). And he has meds and stuff. 
He keeps chewing through his stupid cone, and knocking stuff over because he isn’t aware of his size/that the cone will hit things when he moves. 
And overall he is just. Not a smart dog. I didn’t even want him, and when I’m downstairs, I let him out of the kennel (he has to be in it when no one is around or he chews on walls, cords, literally everything but his various toys). 
I’m just so frustrated because they work later/night shifts so when I’m home during the day it’s up to me/bf to give him his playtime and stuff during diurnal hours and uuuuggghhhh
Like I didn’t want a dog because I’m barely responsible enough to take care of myself let alone another living creature that isn’t a cat (we have a cat and I’ve always had a cat; they’re easier than plants). 
I mean, I’m also dealing with other stuff, like FORD BEING A PIECE OF SHIT COMPANY, and my medication script being mixed up, but that’s for different posts.

Anyway, if you’ve read this long thanks, I guess. It just felt nice to get it off my chest. ",2.3574893162393167,4.121650112179491,3.5532051282051285,90.1695726495727,76.72435897435899,7.058119658119657,21.811965811965813,7.921354282810032,0.7883068376068376,1193,32,265,19,27,387,166,312,0.08900000000000001,0.799,0.11199999999999999,0.6624,1,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,3,0,5,1,17,13,3,0,13,1,25,7,2,0,1,42,51,28,0,8,12,0,1,6,0,3,2,1,1,0,15,18,3,1,2,2,1,2,6,3,0,2,9,2,31,10,28,30,5,27,0,0,0,0,34,11,1,4,16,156,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018915648426808,0.0,0.07867410662297672,0.08185968330209223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031595570669459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757867502184696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991381832337286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060905663498385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709616292801495,0.0,0.0,0.06344668394150918,0.10142501688596872,0.0,0.0998531927239615,0.0,0.10278571167493893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165239437523683,0.10971922606722116,0.06497877817617978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841721400689159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445981522184116,0.2155400204620544,0.0,0.0,0.11896096660752815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541977946475384,0.09437464803257826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837618781750127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986827301369195,0.0,0.09688405944095864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744428212591572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011995515855855,0.0,0.1441898657427148,0.0,0.08687096274872308,0.08706282366701343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071641927403482,0.10927752423565414,0.09910706676659037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852563421561938,0.10456191366551358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003120358647269,0.0,0.09232256207420676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666454274709001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422043348002196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840619295577192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093581499809493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098521490077236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5631053529891415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190757956021928,0.0,0.0,0.090574690387135,0.0,0.0,0.06535901488987854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408045802135647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162149868919516,0.0,0.0,0.1397720478271718,0.0,0.0,0.06335321760932419
bpd,BPDBookReviews,2019/02/22,"lugubriosity: mournful, dismal, or gloomy, especially in an affected, exaggerated, or unrelieved manner I’m just gonna leave this here...",8.491428571428571,12.180579333333338,9.29547619047619,47.12035714285716,65.19047619047619,13.723809523809528,39.07142857142857,12.161744961471696,7.169171428571429,110,6,13,5,2,37,20,21,0.493,0.507,0.0,-0.8646,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,foxconductor,2019/02/22,"acceptance of another kind I wanted to share something with you all I wrote after therapy last month. I nearly forgot that I wrote it, but it's really resonating with me in light of some family members criticizing my (might I say, incredibly mature and well-adjusted) responses to recent trauma.

​

I have the worst days, and I am so proud of myself. I apply logic to the tenors that spark frantic and coast the waves. I accept without internalization, I rationalize without externalization. I understand my triggers and have empathy for myself in times of turmoil. My reactions are not perfect. I am volatile, emotional, paranoid, and prone to hysterics. I love that about myself. I am a part of the pain I have experienced and that carries me through every day I breathe for. And I breathe for all of them. I am mind numbingly, paralyzingly depressed, I have debilitating, wracking anxiety, I wake up nights wet with terror and isolation. I cry myself to sleep amid a room of monsters that live inside my eyelids. I choke on trauma and walk straight-laced into the belly of those who have hurt me. These things are true for me, and regardless of how they might have been true in the past or how they might shift and shake in years to come there is a resounding, nearly burning truth in that I want to be alive for every single one of those days. And for any truth I might presume to understand, I know that I will.",6.6925625422582815,7.796465819923372,6.9899842235744885,72.29314401622719,65.13026819923371,10.279107505070996,33.36060401171963,10.328600350310266,3.5987550597250384,1133,47,194,27,17,367,149,261,0.22699999999999998,0.623,0.15,-0.9821,0,1,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,3,2,5,22,0,4,9,0,20,7,4,3,7,51,30,17,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,14,17,0,1,7,0,0,3,3,11,0,1,4,4,42,11,42,20,6,25,0,2,0,1,10,11,0,6,11,153,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642251215005854,0.15299339951116767,0.0856225400664844,0.13202672270187074,0.0963201556364509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845958454679444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830528977620496,0.24360295794008094,0.0,0.1084453669782888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416308475989111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121677797185192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869594162718775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478834991058938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111500500395132,0.06919637640119873,0.10263276266908952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118008680695628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363792430395606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342788464244363,0.12713234951568028,0.0,0.10049948282393346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815720858696015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531929905055026,0.0,0.13397621357139655,0.0,0.0,0.13634734042184699,0.12019453123487285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066062600927652,0.0,0.12432009649660765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001280102385461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260000807559545,0.0,0.0,0.09693101555272753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398808688602235,0.0,0.0836484449941319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341863829207536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621517325508553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852895852124928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132074475362636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427438563407727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299339951116767,0.08108136493984222
bpd,butteredgrapes,2019/02/22,"Tonight I have cut my face, done sex work online, and applied for a job at the bookstore I'm a train speeding off into oblivion",3.3665384615384615,4.764211038461539,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,73.23076923076924,5.2,32.230769230769226,3.1291,1.2774461538461541,101,5,20,0,2,32,24,26,0.091,0.909,0.0,-0.2732,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,12,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.639343448853287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199750439263674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548306270655959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deadneck1331,2019/02/22,I did it again Once again I let my disorder get the better of me and forgot to do the simplest of things. My SO and I have had problems with my reckless spending and inability to hold onto money for bills  So in order to correct that we agreed that she would maintain the account and if I needed to spend money I would ask her. Well I got gas for work and forgot to tell her and she just checked the account and said she is done. Which caused a fight over text. And I’m stuck at work wanting to leave and break down and cry but can’t because I need the money. I hate the fact that she can land a job that pays well for a few hours work and I get stuck in shit jobs that force me to work and be away from home for 12 hours a day. And I really don’t know what to do or what I’m going to walk into when I get home. I’m falling into the self deprecation and self pity and having a hard time to get out of it. And I’m rambling. I’m sorry. ,1.2567288378766148,2.540211682926831,2.9851362984218106,95.1387087517934,78.51219512195122,5.604017216642755,19.863701578192245,5.900188976854957,-0.260374461979914,725,16,175,4,17,241,111,205,0.166,0.7959999999999999,0.038,-0.9696,2,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,0,5,8,8,3,0,12,0,15,1,1,1,2,38,37,22,0,7,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,11,21,0,3,1,0,10,3,2,5,2,0,9,2,23,3,29,24,1,23,0,1,0,0,13,11,1,2,7,118,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358999377743975,0.0,0.12420709541510365,0.0,0.0,0.08058844034830524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169209510481764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358067386119591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521647872639276,0.08525864247283071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515136824038021,0.0,0.0,0.13528741777820855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27627805116020976,0.0,0.07513281687807145,0.0,0.10573313487556953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184260376639786,0.13052101709300326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652165593001779,0.0,0.26038250928316964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623779845720349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726541561632804,0.0,0.0,0.13998166263038314,0.0,0.1351843750427003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960505814425936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407896417503074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649840522059586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846912804267076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575332765514202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758287370208025,0.0,0.1357023219716931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798808181242373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554941180212733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782840231665581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708740672835918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797551482034902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377289679002204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849753128620425,0.0,0.0,0.18782344975472925,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jfk2257,2019/02/22,"DAE know that what they're thinking isnt right but you just cant stop yourself I have an amazing girlfriend, being with her changed my ideas on marriage and I do genuinely want to spend my life with her. But lately it's been a constant battle with myself in that Im self aware enough to know that paranoia and fear of her leaving or cheating on me is complete bullshit but my brain just doesn't want to accept it.

I have this awful habit born of anxiety where I used to run through normal situations in my head so I'd know what to say and could handle social interactions properly (talking to people in shops or people working behind a bar etc) but when it's bad my brain plays through what would happen if she cheated or kissed her female friends again (which she used to do when drunk before I asked her to stop cos it made me feel horrible), and it plays around in my head so much that it almost feels like it's real and has happened.

I then get really depressed and it feels like Im getting distant and pushing her away but I know Im doing it and don't want to do it but I cant stop myself so I get paranoid she's gonna leave me or cheat because Im neglecting her and the cycle starts again.

I think the worst thing about having BPD is when you have the awareness to know what you're doing is unhealthy and toxic but you don't have the ability to stop. It's watching the best relationship you've ever had with the perfect girl that you've worked for almost 2 years so hard on to be a healthy and supportive partner feel like it's falling apart while you're watching behind glass as the worst part of you tears it apart at the seams. ",5.803533834586467,5.485523952380955,5.8812468671679206,84.39445488721806,66.91666666666666,8.383208020050125,30.481829573934842,7.475848149327749,1.7377226190476192,1312,43,271,11,19,415,172,336,0.209,0.647,0.14400000000000002,-0.985,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,4,0,4,16,22,4,1,12,1,26,8,4,4,2,63,52,33,0,7,14,0,5,3,3,2,1,1,0,3,25,16,2,5,13,5,2,3,6,10,0,0,3,8,35,12,36,44,7,34,0,2,2,1,26,14,0,7,20,179,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831970648826734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997776821676495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143172908467154,0.08551634123772259,0.0,0.08594333595316736,0.0,0.07637741508738018,0.055762026957068486,0.0,0.07783809110918141,0.0,0.09599688001738324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520897349272595,0.2042316650213788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967679279972089,0.0,0.0959093086377057,0.09885147444849918,0.0,0.07303497213565031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878688218934787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451764641914888,0.10201828573287956,0.0,0.08274395311772678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293428230719508,0.18500909179142536,0.19604827633536984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067299814041257,0.0,0.14337500579975496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178125682704067,0.0,0.0819432151322985,0.0,0.1877585247996368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326361469078184,0.39523277578740745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25136005840353154,0.0,0.10318725882548724,0.1937166474832973,0.0,0.0,0.06461116866472592,0.1340695104257618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655541593587603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724430776509005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962562154448657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905800631204134,0.0,0.12683384846675236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411804614045493,0.058600928889698124,0.0,0.0,0.09820941624459843,0.0,0.07811875232093532,0.0,0.07274422104263352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542788893054682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102821208971533,0.0,0.09324676786466496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647461460593693,0.0,0.0,0.30590722589532177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380421728490268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352376552324616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077161583485851,0.11722637575481087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800925493829046,0.0,0.0,0.16186215072327184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331891005759521,0.0,0.0,0.06498088449861074,0.0,0.0,0.0589066008559481
bpd,fortitudinis,2019/02/22,"Should I tell my friend I think they may have BPD? I think that one of my friends my have BPD, having spoken to her at length about things she struggles with and read a little about symptoms of the disorder. Obviously I can’t be sure either way, as I’m not a psychiatrist, but would it be useful or unhelpful to mention to her that she seems to align with some of the diagnostic criteria for BPD, in case she feels it resonates with her and she wants to see about pursuing a diagnosis for herself? She is looking into getting some counselling at our uni, but I don’t know how likely it is that they would pick up on it if she does have BPD, as I think they’re mostly used to dealing with exam stress, depression and anxiety. ",7.630297619047616,6.1986648472222265,7.674523809523809,76.68000000000002,63.72222222222222,11.006349206349206,34.46031746031746,9.957137785484203,3.07551507936508,574,20,116,10,7,186,89,144,0.10099999999999999,0.833,0.066,-0.7278,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,2,0,4,7,0,2,5,0,14,1,0,4,2,34,27,10,0,5,6,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,22,4,26,21,4,8,0,1,2,0,18,7,0,7,1,89,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048888717313788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6907416198556209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135452026730105,0.11809275132175395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714008400153034,0.0,0.11998599595016457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932699981921059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118618877315318,0.0,0.0716343822523401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535213996139856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669850822648722,0.137420367197691,0.0,0.0,0.1151379744620578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290937037208943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714723076885138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092590193686191,0.12481990996188795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570591870270434,0.14333727435379473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922467189738127,0.14250992029725973,0.0,0.0,0.11984029421529037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108987583693738,0.2635638990084642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368382544332486,0.0,0.0,0.08087110520009867,0.10883163671966928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479820042427226,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xgeorgiexpeachx,2019/02/22,"PMDD - Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder More people whould know about this. Just after I was diagnosed my psych suggested that I look into this disorder as you can be more sucespitble if you already have a mental illness.  I loose 2 weeks every month (half my time) to PMDD which excaserbates my BPD symptoms, especially my emotional regulation. Unfourtnately not much treatment around for it but being aware of it about it has helped a lot. Love to anyone who is suffering x

[https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd/#.XG9Az3Uza-E](https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd/#.XG9Az3Uza-E)

​

[https://youtu.be/kkSJPvS31kc](https://youtu.be/kkSJPvS31kc)

​

​",17.565135135135137,19.732996639639644,11.929504504504509,42.48452702702704,42.06306306306306,16.048648648648648,51.83333333333334,14.554592549557764,8.810452252252253,701,37,65,24,6,191,78,111,0.126,0.795,0.079,-0.3233,0,0,0,0,0,0,80.0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,9,1,10,7,4,6,0,1,1,1,6,2,0,2,4,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408400038355195,0.0,0.0,0.3654968727376531,0.4098928262611543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786229842143527,0.0,0.0,0.10009839471940653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161842605480568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412760351515625,0.0,0.0,0.2577395741240345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648360123937438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473834726230547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390439834629192,0.0,0.0,0.07536838760755837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617959083654186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442406974615634,0.0,0.0,0.09559529017922393,0.1014844869391454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399492606986059,0.0,0.2270713996756411,0.0,0.08975118574637046,0.0,0.08265877854938326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795404058291208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551986954500057,0.0,0.11687166390183458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556660449827117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019524932415683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098928262611543,0.0
bpd,AtlanticTides9595,2019/02/22,"What are the best meds for BPD? Since my BPD diagnosis my doctor and I , along with psychiatrist input have been trialling meds to help me. I know there’s no specific meds for BPD unfortunately, so we’ve tried fluoxetine, sertraline, mirtazapine, paroxetine and I’m currently trying citalopram. We try each one for around 6-12 months to really give it a chance, and to try stabilise my moods whilst I am awaiting DBT (long waiting list for 121 DBT with a specialist psychiatrist).

None of the above seem to work, so I’m curious to know what meds or combination of meds others with BPD take? 

Thanks in advance x",4.518849557522124,6.921449424778764,5.4205398230088475,76.32656194690266,72.45132743362831,9.47575221238938,28.1141592920354,9.888512548439397,3.0170148672566373,487,19,89,14,10,159,78,113,0.04,0.8290000000000001,0.131,0.8859999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,15,13,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,8,2,17,12,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,49,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288500181265778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128735672956645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5822435839135228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829447087846147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086872268253213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774665439676365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703244966141894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227899392815996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418810444587909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922497402090032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831565845981797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403940383939278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052138594676886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560367138014013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868969594847161,0.0,0.0,0.10640463768533474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138675358941098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413895301139154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imiolort,2019/05/29,"Hello lads and lasses So question to you all
Does anyone with bpd like black metal, it seems like it could appeal to those who i do (i certainly enjoy it) but i was wondering if it did disproportionately to us
Cheers",2.0585714285714296,4.756290571428573,3.9812380952380977,81.48042857142859,83.76190476190476,6.217142857142857,17.923809523809524,7.554174236665415,0.6554323809523814,172,4,32,3,5,58,34,42,0.0,0.753,0.247,0.8573,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,10,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,5,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,2,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128496561751044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165984429132412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640962309402481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894626740151035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32319906799065073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705427316861472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30112434890234363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978805564751503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35871043882002906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soundandvisions,2019/05/29,"First post here... I've never met anybody who has BPD the way I do. I'll try to be brief. 

My diagnosis shifted to ""other specified personality disorder"" and GAD last October. My previous diagnosis was schizophrenia for 3 years. There's no sub for ""other specified"" and my docs have said Borderline is the dx I most closely resemble, along with paranoid pd and ocpd. 

I go to support groups. I have met numerous people with BPD. I do not present like ANY of them, and while they differ from each other, there is a pretty clear theme in the way they behave and think and present. Most of their problems seem to hover around relationships and controlling their emotions/behaviors. 

The few people who I've told about this 'primarily BPD personality disorder' I have, have been in absolute shock and have doubted that I really have it. But I've had the same doctor through my schizophrenia diagnosis (several years)--that same doc gave me my current dx. 

I do struggle with relationships. I distance myself when I sense the other person is distancing from me. I get obsessed with one person for X amount of time then ghost them. All things I'm working on. I try to communicate as best I can and not just break it off but work on things.

But I feel like what I've read on this sub doesn't pertain to me.

I hear voices--entities that have come to me who tell me what other people are thinking and what their intentions are. I am paranoid. My therapist tells me I'm delusional, to which I disagree. I had a manic episode two weeks ago in which I destroyed my car. I have depressive episodes (one which recently had me running from the cops to avoid going to the hospital again). I have had psychotic breaks. For the record, my doctors (bringing it up on their own) say I do not have bipolar, but a personality disorder. 

My behaviors are usually very controlled and calculated. One of my voices, Dexter, his main purpose is to keep me ""looking sane."" He warns me how to behave to keep people from realizing what I'm experiencing. Only in mania and psychotic breaks have I really lost control of my behavior, and even then, not as much as you might expect. My emotions are wild but my behavioral response to other people is controlled. I look and act, according to most people, ""normal."" ""High-functioning.""

Can anybody please share if your life is like this, with BPD. I struggle to understand how I have a personality disorder. My clinicians all say everything I ""experience"" (hate that term) is a symptom of PD, but I just don't see that in other people. Thanks for reading.",4.5021333744983,6.796789561181441,5.448738293712051,76.58921735103429,72.16455696202532,8.92818771225687,30.548317381908003,9.500547302748984,3.1535647422043844,2028,90,355,51,41,664,232,474,0.128,0.8340000000000001,0.038,-0.9874,1,1,0,0,0,0,79.0,0,2,8,9,12,18,2,5,14,0,41,7,0,7,4,67,69,30,1,4,13,0,1,3,0,1,7,5,0,6,29,24,0,7,6,2,0,8,8,11,0,5,12,10,63,7,54,55,15,45,0,2,3,0,35,13,0,7,21,259,92,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186196137044249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745755047229471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062125222265706374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323714693191864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515771145076549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011531781043732,0.0,0.0,0.31308820111253544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060107437514262674,0.0,0.0,0.07291255755983378,0.3199277745464145,0.14285989535210186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850097758300692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609365277268916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272005223785841,0.06826507329818085,0.0,0.0,0.03528640211227665,0.04985584398549516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059360783264763635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036460825130358115,0.0,0.07932311629501224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890021064040086,0.0,0.0,0.07865501661255646,0.0,0.0,0.07373379299236321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405977737348703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688571619923151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929261921933967,0.10228320370791112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720700090458562,0.0,0.07618075011832566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403297455547024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130147195653933,0.0,0.05382403365390923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837643903353413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418684240554514,0.05307615528586735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386706128414139,0.365611879309642,0.0,0.07660516511852639,0.0,0.0,0.066836651393246,0.07099846395091672,0.0,0.06677673036491423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961176298166816,0.0,0.08941467344906583,0.0,0.06890623952089152,0.14985023359719962,0.0,0.0,0.06638341438909229,0.11099484074862837,0.0,0.0,0.055611200569590964,0.06353146026828163,0.0,0.07883944155788385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459130414907752,0.0,0.0,0.07919345620472859,0.0,0.07253540995155186,0.0,0.0,0.1219938212229542,0.06425048986576498,0.0,0.08102808134913655,0.09272675856510544,0.08943337850039236,0.0,0.0,0.04069335866055646,0.0,0.0,0.06668446546642068,0.0,0.09476157887870204,0.0,0.06817175478023793,0.07265072415085702,0.0,0.0,0.07686051681408351,0.05758158049980495,0.0,0.1107873384350124,0.055978918815645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161152869598214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044940537456693824
bpd,aglassed,2019/05/29,"Looking for advice on supporting a partner with a BPD diagnosis Hey all,

My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with BPD after years of being diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADD, ect. The diagnosis has given me context for so much behavior that had left me confused and hurt, and I feel so bad for my misunderstanding of what he was going through. I love this man so much, and I want to be as helpful as I can while he figures out what he wants to do going forward with treatment. Reading online can sometimes be misleading, so I wanted to ask a group of people with BPD/people who love people with BPD how you yourself like to be supported/how you support your loved ones. I want to be as considerate as possible, since he is feeling conflicted and troubled about treatment as well and I don't want to add to the panic at all. He means the world to me and I really just want to do this right. 

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks :)",5.8945344506517685,7.016180050279331,6.7079469273743015,73.53815875232776,66.93296089385476,9.989013035381753,34.46973929236499,10.125756701596842,3.6712454376163866,755,35,133,18,12,250,104,179,0.128,0.654,0.218,0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,0,8,15,0,2,6,0,17,5,0,1,2,33,37,17,0,7,1,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,6,15,0,1,5,1,0,3,1,6,1,1,4,3,16,9,32,26,4,13,0,2,1,3,19,7,0,1,6,96,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648957195588099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410705924671729,0.0,0.08336593932930468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018773575802626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098996887954786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490031785314959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386041607095273,0.2212156243840592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102025479997992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386654642743257,0.0,0.0,0.12014584479976025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304396311630107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166604987989752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840217135651032,0.0,0.0,0.05323991203149928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091511951983667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950638599086712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870623843848828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021902453421075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738446014883231,0.0,0.0,0.12785923865882776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22664961713472426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285347306663738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090049643086948,0.0,0.06981247911946224,0.0,0.1076001336736563,0.0,0.0,0.09306445936222144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901456382124308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777953027944913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473281529497517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003299751404684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856593481263459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097982038552293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741305006892049,0.0,0.0,0.07017663235330257
bpd,BogusProfiterole,2019/05/29,"OK, I've hit a roadblock I don't know how to feel, what to think or what to do right now, and I have no-one to talk to, so that's why I'm writing this here.

​

I've been so low and miserable for the past year. The main two issues that feel overwhelming are my situation with my partner, and another with my mother. I have split on my partner, and my emotion regulation issues have taken a massive toll on our relationship. I really struggle to get along with people in general. People at uni, housemates, people at work, girls in my therapy group, random strangers, anybody. Currently going through a big relationship crisis where all of our personal/relationship/mental health issues and character flaws are all laid on the table with brutal honesty. I hate myself so much.  


My (extreme narcissist) mother with whom I am no contact for 2 years messaged me yesterday because I unbanned her on facebook. The message was hurtful, confusing, manipulative, and plainly obviously nothing has changed and I don't even know what to say to her.  


I failed at my PhD program due to mental health issues and got demoted to a masters in a field I don't like and don't see a future in. I hate the city I live in and I have zero friends here (stuck here for over 4 years now). Can't leave as I've got to finish my degree first, get a job and save money. My binge eating has been out of control. My room is filthy.

  
I feel really alone and defective and scared. I feel like I'm an aggressive, disgusting wild animal trying to pretend to be human. I've been in treatment for a couple of years, and still it's been like this for a year straight now. I'm struggling to process everything that's going on.",4.928148197242841,6.1278943201219525,5.908934252386004,78.09863202545071,69.21341463414635,8.87507953340403,31.33404029692471,9.20300075937882,2.7951795864262987,1339,56,247,26,23,443,175,328,0.17800000000000002,0.775,0.047,-0.991,2,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,2,0,0,5,13,21,5,6,15,1,22,3,0,3,3,40,44,20,0,0,1,2,4,3,3,0,2,1,1,4,10,21,1,1,7,1,1,2,6,15,0,3,9,6,32,6,46,33,4,40,0,5,1,0,21,22,0,3,19,161,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233829015129313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706156631415438,0.12006605602875757,0.0,0.10361184166026034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023420607398451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452882784953203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082482376853676,0.0,0.10933237882940557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110821645710934,0.0,0.11114896026589703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526366598587062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880486343866603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998470351356698,0.0705905250199854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404849905813126,0.0,0.0,0.07634105440846639,0.0,0.10324923149882546,0.0,0.11231302045784956,0.0,0.15805620278584748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511060907958971,0.0,0.21006272717866487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577910958313796,0.0,0.0,0.4125316210513163,0.0980545691397106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086077704334804,0.0,0.0,0.1046264734373258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482204037240218,0.0,0.0872518329189211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995781442536598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263737909569362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481172123374333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432618248699737,0.20550910492147545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660158245634034,0.0,0.0,0.3182577753694621,0.0,0.08438396669411795,0.0,0.07857839178527275,0.09892694624177384,0.0,0.07873949233195694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106758896580002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891051049747103,0.0,0.0,0.2065972087262908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942045663569884,0.0,0.0,0.11299887291065025,0.0,0.0,0.06331403340088368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708611338237985,0.0,0.09652388921288264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916146607143935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193551031669948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006605602875757,0.3181548921999288
bpd,holysmokesitsh,2019/05/29,"just diagnosed and for once i dont know how to feel about something ive had a hunch that ive been dealing with bpd for a while now but was too afraid to do anything about it. ive been a long time lurker on this sub and nearly every post i read resonates so deeply with me.

ive been seeing a new therapist for about four weeks now and today she brought up borderline personality disorder and suggested that im most likely dealing with it. i dont know quite how to feel honestly. im a little bit relieved to finally have answers to why i feel the way i do and act the way i act but i also feel sort of numb. like maybe i dont actually have bpd and i somehow manipulated my therapist into diagnosing me? or maybe im faking my symptoms?

my thoughts are really loud rn but did anyone else feel similarly after diagnosis? she recommended me some books to purchase about bpd and im seeing a psychiatrist in 2 weeks. it just happened so suddenly that im a little taken aback. any words of wisdom? lol",2.8933468559837716,4.632587039408868,5.110408577223993,79.69204578383079,75.1576354679803,8.323268617791944,26.719501593740944,9.007467420416297,2.2089538684439303,791,30,158,18,17,276,114,203,0.071,0.8220000000000001,0.107,0.7943,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,15,8,0,1,9,1,18,4,0,3,0,34,31,17,0,0,6,0,5,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,11,0,0,9,2,1,3,3,3,0,1,9,8,21,5,24,22,3,25,0,0,2,0,6,7,0,5,14,101,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.09083758408236084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444008328182138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330102808665078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650872334177389,0.09537663711755542,0.07660106728771714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016247690974484,0.0,0.3517120971045231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193320465736693,0.0,0.18895873881220854,0.0,0.0,0.10668353528952704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272849666890729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777606173980775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842817190786337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23533299853835385,0.0,0.0,0.1019701256389922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231480498122322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027391537684328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023142215277797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909533100110443,0.18659135492497075,0.0,0.08237734272066391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703289451141655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990212427140841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913254351536953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127827785276531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914974972278587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900741196896083,0.09311024317288244,0.0,0.05963266855357719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835347101376986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166142155098904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967510117341692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161578422082056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389913440889956,0.05427864299519301,0.0,0.08823374612812969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777316469407964,0.14933442948253994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399478191076723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,decafpeanut,2019/05/29,Diagnosis Just been formally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I knew it anyway but this was a full on confirmation from psychiatrists after weeks of formulation. Fucked it mate.,9.551954022988504,13.781753620689654,10.559310344827587,36.5750574712644,64.51724137931035,16.280459770114938,40.70114942528736,13.023866798666859,8.74195632183908,161,9,18,9,3,55,28,29,0.24100000000000002,0.759,0.0,-0.8381,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730201597488089,0.0,0.0,0.5341215042229034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308458963323507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069276098654732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738286788632205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Athrowawayfor515,2019/05/29,"I am doing to be interviewing for a great job...scared So I’ve been off of work for last year and a half, doing side work etc.  I emailed a manager i used to work with and he mentioned a job that would be perfect for me, and he’s right.  But I need to interview with his boss and possibly the person above her.  

This job is close by, Potential to be well into six figures with in a few years.  And it’s something I actually enjoy doing,   

I’m going to meet them for dinner/drinks and talk it over on the 13th.  This isn’t abnormal as the industry I’m in is very much more who you know vs education, and great applicants.

I am terrified to trigger when I go in, I’m going to quit weed until the interview. And make sure I really focus on self care, extra meditation, yoga included into current work out regimen

I have no idea what to wear, don’t want to overdress, especially after work hours, maybe suit with out a tie 

But losing this would kill me advice would be awesome thanks",3.7915800865800833,4.7653798030303065,5.539855699855703,80.5345454545455,71.67676767676767,9.091486291486287,26.76911976911977,9.424239791934726,2.212311976911977,763,25,156,17,14,262,123,198,0.066,0.7809999999999999,0.152,0.9477,4,0,2,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,1,8,3,10,1,0,10,0,18,1,1,4,2,34,31,14,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,17,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,2,1,2,1,0,15,8,33,23,5,25,0,1,0,0,16,14,0,0,8,105,23,12,0.0,0.0,0.12555005524405635,0.0,0.0,0.1257215127756193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117374060802736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260342596254779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434858579295601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935513468304849,0.0,0.0,0.2836881975295881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670060559912702,0.0,0.0,0.14523737818541896,0.0,0.0,0.38301477659932814,0.0,0.14233920800912303,0.0,0.07070617462381279,0.1048721106049025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393356559852652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587912397554384,0.0,0.1292526131973821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457723310325797,0.09539706589824752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233777711772053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450407227674415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684188288191007,0.0,0.0,0.08242056310594845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987183441314853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342166496451263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904595686337032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125710326955348,0.0,0.0,0.10340911434188843,0.0,0.11844949716415272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111779296603183,0.0,0.10615497672264904,0.07588485860160278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567752490109458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683168371659801,0.0,0.0,0.2741813752600577,0.0,0.0,0.16570096430871087
bpd,Aliisdead,2019/05/29,"Im so angry I don't even really have anything to be particularly angry about, but the slightest inconvenience sets me off and i feel like im just fuming all the time. It gets to the point where i have to hurt myself just to take the edge off, just to gain some control back and stop me from breaking something. I'm not sure what to do about it. It was suggested that it could be because of my meds but i dont know. Is there anything i could do about it? I really do feel like I'm losing it here. I promised my friends I'd stop hurting myself but i really dont know how else to cope. Is anyone else on mirtzipanine (not sure of the spelling) experienced this?",1.6478439079169045,3.6234892700729935,3.4207299270073013,89.30780460415498,79.65693430656935,6.55115103874228,22.217293655249854,7.61054688173877,0.8345490174059509,518,16,113,8,13,173,75,137,0.222,0.6609999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9412,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,3,13,10,1,0,5,0,15,0,0,2,3,24,23,7,0,2,8,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,3,14,6,16,18,2,11,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,1,6,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091601843402907,0.14787893053859186,0.2375358211604905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109777011464914,0.0,0.08797972330993684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618737585592516,0.23046495943881545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382977377411316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24113152416299105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532588955478878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595101356487727,0.20621289012868232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150582504226922,0.0,0.07540432099389488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090077017588668,0.0,0.3117934565359859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863547002363038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141020679905085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146375442017966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603135284856345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643461684369698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773765835336469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110912168955986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132581401230016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27205088768005864,0.0,0.10851510813357897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415758743225547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flowerandfire,2019/05/29,"Every part of my life is difficult. And I know things will have to get a little worse before they can even get better...
I’m attempting to detox myself from amphetamines and alcohol on my days off. I went to a meeting a few weeks ago and I got a sponsor. We are working on getting me into a sober living home for a few weeks to get away from triggers at home. 
My mind is running a million miles a minute and every 5 minutes I forget what I’m doing. 
I’m anxious and nauseous. 
My mind is telling me that I’m just being over dramatic, and that I’m ungrateful brat for all that my parents have given me 
And I’m replaying all the horrible things my abusive ex boyfriend used to say to me while he was weeping. 
None of my clothes fit, I’ve gotten so fat. 
And my mind keeps telling me-you’re never gonna get better,
You’re always gonna fail.",4.320746190225957,4.647762630057804,5.4812086179716255,83.77702049395694,70.09826589595376,8.14062007356805,30.17813977929585,8.00094639256281,1.9530393063583813,657,25,136,8,11,219,104,173,0.17,0.816,0.015,-0.9756,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,5,3,5,0,0,9,0,11,4,1,2,3,22,31,10,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,2,0,6,10,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,1,19,2,19,22,6,18,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,0,6,84,25,2,0.0,0.16435674879521575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296409141369133,0.14824609431540667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542350677953953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671052265342458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032901885679912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803779701399734,0.0,0.0,0.2453675095289234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946087327306959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162115147289833,0.0,0.2337498076525287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623690661455584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094451313697593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782885618784473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329788344703545,0.0,0.0,0.07623513662390638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797979245131402,0.0,0.1390306960570747,0.12248949364694263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201933340462407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698696335928272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540286128036926,0.15021679842162527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031318310886612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24248923009305415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431458305075324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980679443036145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254053179036284,0.0,0.0,0.12859188207015604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098749721527214,0.0,0.14136429069373874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fromarcadia,2019/05/29,"I was doing so well... Just incredibly disappointed in myself and the way I reacted to certain events. Textbook bullshit of (perceived) abandonment and rejection. Thought I was on top of this, but clearly I'm not. 

I just want to write 'THIS IS NOT YOU, IT'S BPD' on my hand so I can slap myself with it every once in a while.",1.0420312500000009,3.5608266406250024,3.201875000000001,86.35562500000002,87.28125,6.325,25.1875,7.645422480735847,1.6488500000000004,251,11,50,5,8,85,47,64,0.149,0.662,0.18899999999999997,0.5773,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,2,16,8,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,1,9,2,9,5,0,8,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5208626582025729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484410098560644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404264785449165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283193831315645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439276141206481,0.32826361677868665,0.0,0.0,0.37183890405127373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,otherdrowning,2019/05/29,"how well does this fictional character display BPD? (if this is the wrong place to post this, or its unwanted here, tell me and i’ll gladly remove my post)+(skam españa season 2 spoilers)

i’m currently watching a web series called skam españa, and the romantic interest of the main character this season has BPD. i thought that the way they portrayed someone with BPD was inaccurate, but I just want to get some other opinions. i’ll link three clips from this season, each are about 5 minutes long. they’re in spanish but they have english subtitles if you need them. 

in clip one, joana tells cris she has BPD. 
in clip two, joana’s (the one with BPD) girlfriend, cris, comes over after she gets out of the hospital to bring her presents and wish her well, but joana reveals that she never actually loved cris and it was her sickness making her believe that she did the entire time they were together. i know that people with BPD will fixate on someone, but I didn’t think someone would actually say this? like isn’t their love real, it’s just exaggerated? 
in clip three, joana reveals why she was in the hospital to cris and tried to convince her to not love her or date her anymore because she doesn’t know how her mental illness will make her act from day to day and she doesn’t want to put cris through that. 

clip one: https://youtu.be/pSr0vqbvyZY
clip two: https://youtu.be/69CAsXc_F18
clip three: https://youtu.be/0pa4DtcUalo",6.335287543182282,8.18155133590734,5.35334281650071,80.96110953058322,66.52895752895753,8.23255435887015,29.847795163584642,8.6894789155246,2.2766324324324327,1152,42,204,18,19,343,143,259,0.047,0.826,0.127,0.9674,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,5,0,8,10,0,0,9,0,17,5,0,4,1,44,35,16,0,8,11,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,15,12,0,0,7,0,0,5,6,1,2,8,7,2,28,9,26,25,3,28,0,0,1,3,30,9,0,6,13,129,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.1789669163332059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093920462782724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589789847512788,0.0,0.0,0.10331159572076576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6929381719224349,0.0,0.09363332213893803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789892112032293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827450489116555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024503355044034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581623858156947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007890121079019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479872947803208,0.0,0.0,0.08114933455888608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482815153971672,0.0,0.1224174849260194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240943577800044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799247789201288,0.07072270624110719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864096426491773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635714479161842,0.0,0.09580429112297534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756415690811204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218123796912236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437174346385698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292147191177284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23308478897984264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029518034746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058756006624316036,0.0,0.0727975118364142,0.05346950525893046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062256531618150125,0.0,0.1791501178921172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817103277183253,0.0727851468895293,0.0,0.0,0.16489399292069692,0.0,0.08274266240403667,0.0,0.10544751202330928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513921897645293,0.10025673807880747,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlwaysNick109,2019/05/29,"Pros and Cons about yourself I wanted to know what are the pros and cons about yourselves. I don't wan to throw a pity party or get negative, but I just want to know what are some physical/mental pros and cons about yourselves. I want to try to bring out any sentiment that defeats ourselves out as a way to get it off our chest. I know it seems lame, but these thoughts creep heavily in our day to day lives.

I'll start with myself:

**Pros**

* Good Fashion sense
* Solid Features/Good Hair
* Caring attitude
* The wanting for a positive outlook on life
* Can fake confidence/self esteem until it gets too real

**Cons**

* Shitty Skin (the absolute worst thing)
* A bit too skinny
* Overly-anxious
* Influenced by ideas too easily
* Scared of love/intimacy
* The addiction to negative perspectives on life
* No self esteem/confidence.

I would love to know what you lovely people have on your chest about yourselves! Don't feel like you have to think too much. Just let it out naturally!",1.256472466081405,3.5429458044692765,2.1598786911412624,88.68645810055868,104.92178770949721,5.621133280127693,20.19808459696728,6.9916214562510826,1.1633487948922592,765,27,137,16,35,239,111,179,0.18899999999999997,0.652,0.159,-0.8151,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,2,3,0,1,10,11,0,1,8,0,9,10,5,1,0,29,29,8,0,5,5,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,10,7,1,0,9,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,3,12,5,28,26,4,15,0,3,0,2,8,8,0,3,5,85,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947922513610113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994831721105335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971232538238542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915383745518454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886917079900577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396933005521329,0.104510609135219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292936638514264,0.0,0.0,0.2454045799363924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514518986705992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215917218807339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959287340579172,0.20665989174638694,0.07147059113688854,0.0,0.1291779910113875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961011144858371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075410153576208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142004058899913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651164642978225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464632173891287,0.0,0.0,0.1331782010112958,0.30522768127454825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035458095879481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718950925384988,0.09373762549096457,0.0,0.11613903485353295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932226133920792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34514584436514795,0.11611930817660406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392121697837993,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GotTooLit,2019/05/29,"I am not doing well In the past two days the second I send a message to one of my matches on tinder they disappear right away. WHY AM I SO UGLY AND WHY DOES NO ONE LIKE ME. I feel so fucking alone, why can’t I belong to something, I haven’t even had a hug from another person in 8 months I am staying sober and it’s so hard I just keep breaking down and crying I just want someone to just hold me and just give me tons of love my anxiety is so fucking bad and I feel like I’m going to do something impulsive or do drugs just so I can feel like I am a person I can not shake this feeling of loneliness, extreme anger and boredom. It’s summer and I feel so angry and depressed because I have no one to go out and do fun stuff with and make memories I feel so fucking worthless that I just want to be locked in my room and be given drugs until I overdose and die in my sleep peacefully i felt good for a few hours yesterday and was feeling hopeful about the future and I have been working out, being positive and trying to just change myself into a person who someone would want",4.251460037759596,4.313785766519828,5.5485494021397095,84.16164096916299,70.18942731277535,8.071617369414728,29.430144745122718,7.7094869923839395,1.753165135305224,847,30,178,9,14,285,124,227,0.201,0.639,0.16,-0.9259,0,1,4,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,17,17,4,1,8,0,22,8,1,1,0,45,45,24,1,5,10,0,9,3,0,1,2,0,1,3,6,19,0,2,8,0,0,5,6,8,1,5,5,9,29,9,25,36,2,27,0,2,0,5,9,12,3,2,11,133,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261168212676376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401308112891488,0.08317829522835514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021555895963774,0.0,0.09078516424298776,0.06628091262355154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150221204348114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943500452873924,0.07012197540640397,0.0,0.09364915049258728,0.0,0.11284476752617505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515051911293756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521849940764518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181526286557056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848407456530312,0.15535373422713986,0.10439803041536004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015579166857246,0.0,0.104303902697725,0.12358774159503827,0.09119772194666508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097400890510281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079936088936054,0.1070773318847447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664438580142223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593602311632937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813323861900908,0.0,0.07257824393511664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678739768836778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103516542961274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379526629527762,0.0,0.28481701535872184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285498536183384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088087103541722,0.0,0.1842534687194136,0.16741161961698287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158919120251009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447005031790405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738206595416831,0.0,0.1062135933052107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239564367717746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776149582607574,0.0,0.2943362448312203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915687089783112,0.0,0.0,0.07723880501993755,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HelloFuckinKitty,2019/05/29,"Has anyone tried those counseling/therapy apps like TalkSpace? Are they worth the hype and money? So yeah, title says it best. 

Have you tried any of them? What was your experience like? Are they able to prescribe medications? Did it actually help you? Etc etc.",2.5376086956521746,5.385088739130438,2.8133695652173927,85.13353260869567,96.3913043478261,6.647826086956522,20.967391304347828,7.645422480735847,1.5331391304347823,206,7,37,5,8,63,39,46,0.0,0.693,0.307,0.9456,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,3,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,24,10,0,0.2489138466307883,0.0,0.24290400805760146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926995132843978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740463490994524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26121972527505033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552094727942973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434855048273358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668417045179178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24321346467952035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507545134157064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794628151105864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846546766791439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33799232545658203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MissTakeVIII,2019/05/29,Self hatred I have a question and it’s probably dumb. Is self hatred normal? It feels so natural to and I just wonder is this an everyone thing or if there are “normal” people who don’t feel it.,-0.19866666666666788,2.1045378000000032,2.645000000000003,87.97333333333334,96.0,5.666666666666668,16.666666666666668,7.1686216300943375,0.5354166666666664,152,4,30,3,6,53,32,40,0.255,0.675,0.071,-0.8576,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,8,5,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,0,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496987389141037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26425855097206274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120686048449475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116368598695848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817429611308589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927338450983133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452193815326435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360681018698865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28338617129220045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Victoria-Arouet,2019/05/29,"Hyperempathy and reading news articles Ok so imagine this giant mountain. That’s all the cumulative pain and suffering in the world. Divide it by 7.6 billion, that’s your personal pain to deal with. That’s how much you have to bear. However some people especially those of us with BPD frequently read the news etc and feel others’ pain and are bearing billions more than we should. Instead try your best to disengage and to deal with your own problems while helping others constructively eg volunteering, donations etc.",7.187904761904763,9.598594488888892,6.993174603174605,67.825,65.22222222222221,10.476190476190476,36.19047619047619,10.608840637214634,4.555714285714286,424,21,64,12,7,134,67,90,0.152,0.765,0.083,-0.7964,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,4,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,1,3,3,0,1,1,18,4,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,1,6,2,11,3,8,5,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,2,50,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722509954871994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246949226597315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36785555798075104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39793759336073015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902069567828546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958114841578077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114824370462833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5695066742088257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236836025349726,0.15577641349039972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070954445742176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35690666987224123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211253222046704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145993159259436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlaviButcher,2019/05/29,"hear me out.. (First post, sorry; anxious fellow) So my vice for a while there was mindfulness, eventually this flourished into a physical task; questing toward a skill. Chainmaille weaving became my time to reflect and feel controllable. I have been slacking lately and falling into old an unhealthy habits, due to a lack of drive. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in chainmaille jewellery. I need drive to get back into this healthy habit; and I feel like this is a good community to ask for support in relation to my condition. If you can find me a chainmaille pattern online and send it through, I can make it. Send through a sizing of your wrist or neck that you would like it surrounding, I shall create and send you, free of charge.   Don't forget a postal address :) I shall send you a photo when finished. No commitment on due date of project. Here are two examples of bracelet designs I have completed: right is European, left is Celtic Braid. Also, private message is the best way of contact. Much love <3

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bpd,The_Great_Hambriento,2019/05/29,"Has anyone else experienced positive personality changes/emotional control after a long period of derealization/depersonalization? Unlike most with BPD, I had never really experienced any periods of derealization/depersonalization. Early last week, during an intense period of sadness, I entered a derealization state for the first time. It was a super strange experience feeling nothing and feeling completely out of body, but it was nice to just not feel anything at all for a few days.

Since it happened, I have noticed some positive changes. I just feel more in control of my emotions now. I always had a bad relationship with food, but I don't really feel any emotional connection to food anymore, so I've been making healthy choices without seeking sugar/sweets just for a dopamine hit. Likewise, when I feel my BPD voice really act up, I can kind of quiet it down and see a situation objectively and usually prevent a strong emotional response to something that's a non-issue.

It almost feels like that three-day period showed me how to detach my emotions completely, and now I can kind of channel that feeling and do it on my own when I feel something really strong coming on. I've been generally happier, healthier, and more productive at work since it happened. Wondering if anyone else here has experienced the same phenomenon?",11.274285714285718,10.509575476190477,11.347186147186148,51.11220779220781,56.14285714285714,14.63376623376623,46.54112554112554,13.463846863241148,6.784468398268398,1089,59,154,36,11,367,135,231,0.034,0.7759999999999999,0.19,0.9868,1,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,7,10,9,0,0,12,0,13,3,1,4,2,40,29,13,0,1,8,0,9,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,10,10,2,3,10,2,0,3,4,2,0,1,6,15,15,7,26,22,8,30,0,1,1,0,2,8,0,5,19,106,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796660465257307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309617638494012,0.0,0.0,0.119478656006406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712113739968785,0.12285006115985392,0.18002033713603066,0.07229102626630778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334901224187121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975787941539078,0.2212817597302436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293103107990047,0.07567286244137368,0.1842129128179633,0.0,0.19705693355489956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330876967391268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677066609775846,0.4940831966391817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593173403046757,0.0,0.0,0.3997651239842119,0.06275828792437879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472305811592578,0.21245114682344732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553665487884862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168999042194187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295935355318071,0.0,0.07160745602971891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291786234726749,0.0,0.0,0.07774229338085281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058638903694020424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775342530127948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429206749926553,0.1000149870900022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670506857385102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510949057901292,0.0,0.0,0.09431536359473258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700031021073909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533675749571787,0.0987442964251759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525862996569982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512245970637308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675163548807192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046598400279358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468187724542953,0.0952668912786052,0.06395404294222773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,biglizardbackyard,2019/05/29,"Burnout and BPD Being burned out, definitely aggravates BPD.  I’ve been a real estate agent for 16 years and since work follows one around, having an imbalanced work-life scenario, causes high levels of stress that can lead to a breakdown that can cause enhanced impulsivity which is one of the core behaviors of many BPD sufferers.  

If you feel more impulsive than ever, finding time for oneself is paramount to conquering fatigue and lack of energy that accompanies burnout symptoms.

If you are really impulsive like me, I feel your pain!  Vent here!",10.182210526315787,10.24632385263158,9.085263157894737,63.76684210526317,57.842105263157904,12.65263157894737,41.10526315789474,11.979248473330829,5.306852631578948,446,21,67,12,5,139,73,95,0.163,0.765,0.07200000000000001,-0.8659,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,5,3,5,0,1,4,0,8,3,0,3,1,16,11,5,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,1,2,6,1,11,9,2,9,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,44,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052621740377609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6388899456918081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474046350532351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295185814974072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099427388871088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545454720807778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786531870502482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260898014573717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714310257700154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291599285366802,0.0,0.17992400236109435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246178148444412,0.10832357683258817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987324458593392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369236886981686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757495665953763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859791449003856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24619950643886085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088886102091746
bpd,Lucyrwe,2019/05/29,"Anti self harm help Hi, I’m desperately trying to stop self harm because I love myself and my partner to much to continue, and it makes me unhappy. Long story short  for those who don’t want all the information because it may be triggering, I was wondering wether anyone knew of any good anti self harm razors (meaning razors that are almost impossible to harm yourself with, perhaps with thicker plastic guards or blades that lay flatter. Id still like to be able to shave myself so not using razors isn’t really an option, but the bic ones I have currently are detrimental to my recovery. Thank you guys 

Further information:
********TRIGGER WARNING*********

I have an issue with razors full stop, not the blades inside the razors. I don’t take the blade out the razor. I’m not strong or patient enough. I just use the blade while still in the razor. This is my problem, hence why I’m wondering wether anyone knows if there is any razors that have thicker guards or blades that lay flat to the guard, making it impossible for me to self harm with.",2.108034188034189,4.978788384615385,3.2625641025641023,84.5352136752137,88.23076923076924,5.7606837606837615,21.581196581196586,7.242747475848597,1.1693760683760686,825,28,144,14,27,265,111,195,0.155,0.779,0.066,-0.9552,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,1,5,12,0,0,11,0,14,1,0,6,1,40,30,9,0,3,9,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,10,7,0,5,7,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,14,6,18,25,4,13,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,9,9,88,24,0,0.13801126950061066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819835071828607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770479173700572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930013771133518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826077782656265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260253413193086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575730495678123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366528549064859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925060447935543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440479089051343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584738441102734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742533505950551,0.0,0.0,0.12213563054666245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456055904401472,0.0,0.18424718813345706,0.0,0.0,0.15033473187621324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145416286314322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935200079733421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205814608301192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841355322261822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5759034129144136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204319561992244,0.2307672020761619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376729895004863,0.0,0.0,0.12706223455732932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370059269325658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383948503179564,0.0,0.0,0.08140262250015429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453370444453048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993346692136173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nina4rfvflower,2019/05/29,"It takes everything I've got to resist the urge to break everything in the house and not hurt people When I'm having a BPD day, I'm ready to rip into whatever is in my way to get my stresses out. I want to kill the tv with a baseball bat, break every dish,mug, light bulb, and then bite anyone or claw the eyes out of anyone who tries to stop me.    I want to do a full banshee scream that would last a full minute without taking a breath. Whenever I get angry to my core, I want to do this all with abandon and unleash all the rage and pissed off energy I've held back over the years.

Of course, I can't. I would feel horrible if I acted on this impulse and could possibly end up in a 5150 hold situation. In the moment, I would relish the freedom of doing whatever the hell I felt like, but afterward I would be an apologetic wreck and feel like shit.

My emotions are intense to say the least. I have a side of me that cries when I hear depressing stories on the news, and another side of me that wants to rip the world apart when I'm angry.",6.058152492668621,4.701403059907836,6.731286133221619,81.93900712191036,66.78801843317972,10.287222454964391,30.326351068286552,9.339509955726095,2.259943778801844,812,23,179,13,11,269,127,217,0.17800000000000002,0.735,0.087,-0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,5,1,20,0,14,4,4,0,2,36,31,14,1,10,5,0,3,2,0,4,0,3,0,0,7,12,0,4,3,1,0,1,3,10,0,0,3,8,19,2,31,22,5,34,1,3,1,0,3,18,3,2,14,112,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821675860778066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766902487355467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868866166512656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780241265458784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285568066078318,0.0,0.1552652472880663,0.09115841620103247,0.0,0.1217436928723026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899860816347994,0.12519326586539242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909263498836717,0.0,0.25407074706083577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294061031319866,0.10097975906258384,0.13571721349855628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476980447049591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304971362051125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593106041672919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309777655062954,0.15131703577124256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638173398683242,0.0,0.0,0.115218306555439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811197031156447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799360416648234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934976765939432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240640394381077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509272476023974,0.0,0.158882206503681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181740992977552,0.16191481030107574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255372478686585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596669756854713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33348522694333504,0.11219626274511832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362553989923143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016411171573949,0.0,0.0,0.09102412639610026
bpd,indyferret,2019/05/29,Anger? I’m wondering. Can you be BPD without the anger? Like I don’t have outward anger to anyone or anything. I seethe internally instead. I guess I’m struggling to believe that am diagnosed correctly. I do tick most of the other boxes to be fair.,1.3291964285714286,4.016272812499999,3.309285714285714,83.55000000000003,91.70833333333334,6.076190476190478,27.690476190476193,7.447530270364453,2.2017226190476187,197,10,35,4,7,66,35,48,0.172,0.67,0.159,-0.1714,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,6,11,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244804825323836,0.0,0.26419074285858146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617051236047312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043419737107368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32585152755712865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536646689783484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568452202304867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356234791854296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094736540841735,0.34815705457003043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,forever-violet,2019/05/29,"Starting Meds Today...Scared I'm starting Meds today after years of self medicating with weed. My doc prescribed me 5mg of Lexapro (I'm 5ft, 90~lbs) and I have to take it before I go to work but I'm afraid. 

I had really bad symptoms when I started hormonal birth control and I'm really afraid the symptoms will come back even though I know this is a totally different pill that affects a completely different area of my body. 

I just don't wanna feel sick all the time. This pill is supposed to help me stabilize and not abuse weed, but I'm so afraid it'll make me worse :( Can someone give me some positive medicine experiences to think of?",3.797086614173225,5.4351909527559075,4.786622047244098,83.36497244094491,72.54330708661416,8.54456692913386,29.23543307086614,9.120678840339163,2.4685187401574806,509,21,101,11,10,166,84,127,0.099,0.7759999999999999,0.125,0.5212,2,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,3,4,0,8,7,1,3,2,19,24,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,12,0,11,21,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,10,54,17,1,0.0,0.18219392240055635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824068778625448,0.1283926665683099,0.0,0.0,0.1308481056430271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080532101274304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246041492237834,0.16122635036325966,0.0,0.17246766106036907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213166952849589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156453619377487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041790117948353,0.0,0.0,0.07775142235210035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751150490843362,0.0873918102745946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306970445977554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450872062185813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264358005382636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416106420254861,0.1549084724613087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701974765499564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604170697680739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028997838252762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32652049037296776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196546520487396,0.11561692924218415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853048154405078,0.15107958516967507,0.0,0.08966531940760368,0.0,0.2915145476208318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194738497772763,0.0,0.15670615777971902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990237173347324
bpd,TheNotSoDarkHorse,2019/05/29,Does anyone else feel like life isn't real? What is everyone else's experiences with disassociation and depersonalization like? How would you describe them? What are any techniques or copes you use to escape the nightmare that is feeling like nothing is actually real?,7.430999999999997,10.576480488888894,7.6774999999999975,60.05625000000003,66.33333333333333,8.944444444444445,33.47222222222222,9.516144504307137,3.7855555555555562,222,10,31,5,4,72,36,45,0.0,0.765,0.235,0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,10,9,3,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2107272491334435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468472730838405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099095589542225,0.22125705537432852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897140905330206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607819640019908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063408627993588,0.0,0.2112317167856901,0.0,0.0,0.2183724981824644,0.3085365621994081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252550212733584,0.3164935694596007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720119674266327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915762273391585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865036761313564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533982783728845,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mandaliz7,2019/05/29,"Have panic attacks. I know that a lot of people have panic attacks. I couldn't come up with something clever. I just came down from a panic attack. 
Its the first that has happened since i started taking a stronger dose of medication. I can't sleep. So i decided to masturbate. I don't like to masturbate. 
I prefer to just have sex with my girlfriend because it feels right and its comforting. 
So when i do masturbate, sometimes im able to orgasm and fall asleep. 
But.... sometimes i have panic attacks. After orgasm, i get this feeling.... shame? Disgust? Too much pent up emotions? Its all this at once. I cry. And sometimes if its really strong i punch/slap, pinch/scratch at myself. Cuz i get numb. Endless tears and dry heaving. 

How do i come down from an attack? I cry myself to sleep usually or i go splash cold water on my face.  Sometimes i just lie down and think about hurting myself more or dying. 

All this over an orgasm.

Does anyone else feel... similar? 

I just need to feel like im not alone.",1.1549030896181165,3.792705683937825,2.42161197466897,90.43247937056229,90.60621761658031,4.724544233352524,21.655920168873536,6.42735559955562,0.6135382460180385,779,28,147,9,27,249,112,193,0.257,0.6779999999999999,0.066,-0.9898,0,1,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,2,10,18,6,5,6,0,10,12,7,2,2,34,26,14,1,4,9,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,10,10,1,0,8,0,0,5,4,13,0,1,1,5,24,5,23,24,5,20,0,1,0,4,1,10,0,4,7,99,34,0,0.09322212117615213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655000321774404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518307464864492,0.09551707962557164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5302681041012257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568273398125362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662127196906984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060520588506197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048002454768489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967498439060115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157930645403945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787512024135572,0.10486233896869207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854362191199567,0.06659790199490362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929468864989231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740942142675846,0.0,0.05298027976903279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243601388528826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997962087848408,0.0,0.20139177573310812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051232439829326376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108723915088787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925411376936409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391147962041364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852898533920927,0.06912302163890842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992785166116967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375042934885601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462848106383451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972047791428092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961118212741748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771143019677325,0.0,0.18657889015436574,0.0,0.0,0.07176694330217243,0.3687962461067229,0.0,0.06598309718010494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700914334883401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973297110540428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267099615345401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,monk-e-business,2019/05/29,"DAE always feel like they’re being judged or made fun of? Every time I go out in public places, I feel like if I catch someone looking over at me, or in my direction that they are making fun of me or talking negatively about me. It makes public places extremely uncomfortable, and it lowers myself esteem because I believe that maybe I look funny or something.

I wish I could manage this, it makes it hard to live like normally. Anyone else suffer from this?",6.976206896551722,7.099533517241382,7.200597701149423,74.42917241379313,64.40229885057471,9.258850574712644,30.043678160919534,8.841846274778883,2.418302988505747,364,11,63,5,5,118,61,87,0.095,0.698,0.20600000000000002,0.8949,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,16,13,6,0,4,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,13,5,10,10,0,10,0,1,2,0,4,7,0,5,4,41,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013665649239885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616458441885905,0.1848773277544961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999170796597214,0.0,0.0,0.2032888386863644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406293610223678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507305728485389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520245552915093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246705783345507,0.2578060845900768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254556133604946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616346227077403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264454777607792,0.0,0.15932771014074595,0.0,0.3030404820601163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073228058624776,0.36132596982790377,0.0,0.1812715502688586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678832225341626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37703305127916703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288227727194798,0.13890793930075274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502709078738718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521329724304697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749173519227976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Stressy-And-Depressy,2019/05/29,"how do you act while manic? my girlfriend, who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder & bipolar disorder, had a visit with her doctor today. her doctor told her that he believes she's ""cycling up"" and that he is worried for her health. he told her that he believes if unchanged, she will end up in a state of manic. she's never been in a manic phase before, so she doesn't know how she will be, what she'll say or do. is there anything that I can expect to happen while she is manic? how have any of you acted in that state of mind? is there anything I should do if she gets there?",4.517499999999998,5.2561270833333325,5.403333333333336,83.04000000000002,69.83333333333334,7.666666666666668,26.666666666666664,7.645422480735847,1.4181666666666668,470,14,93,5,8,154,69,120,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.8205,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,19,5,0,3,1,14,24,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,1,18,0,12,14,0,15,0,0,0,0,26,5,0,3,5,72,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010506754038234,0.0,0.11931519589973424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887684963679164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929900595615922,0.39535467269502345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780828022846908,0.0,0.0,0.4021725174801853,0.3591705899381067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554007647374696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166782629529764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515399004797925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650011536743888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964253010883582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715920569371746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353214621407649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320025499618747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952860014881885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631051694506882,0.3353089226651073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818273968693754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,4n0n0m7s,2019/05/29,"Resources/journals about identity issues with In BPD Hello. What do experts say ab the identity issues or how they are caused (with in BPD)? Any articles someone can link me?  I’m interested on what people say, like is it a defense mechanism? Also, why are personality disorders called ‘personality disorders’? What lacks in many of our personalities that make it consider “disordered”? Thanks!",6.038241758241759,9.507536076923078,7.274505494505497,59.44692307692311,72.84615384615384,11.0989010989011,35.43956043956044,10.608840637214634,5.478802197802197,315,17,43,12,7,106,52,65,0.0,0.8420000000000001,0.158,0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,0,9,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,8,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693967123963998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794468974503353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998403011670221,0.0,0.16208535150878875,0.0,0.0,0.1630637344231014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457693879142478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33135449961174473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754950533336187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595630178331696,0.16093155034479056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100462981130559,0.4158017058025125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524635917503721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449496073306838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614111190958542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323291339199548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,betweentheinbetween,2019/05/29,"Lord, Keep Me Away From Tinder I swear, if I stay away from all other humans I can almost be asexual and fine with it. I can do my job and take care of my pets and fail to take care of my house and my self and it’s fine.

Open up the I’m Not Lonely Just Bored window and all of a sudden it’s open season and three days later I’m meeting one guy for drinks, texting two others, and halfway to FP status with a fourth, talking about importing him to Canada to escape the trumphole America has become

Jesus Christ have I not learned my lesson yet",1.8705263157894727,3.575895350877193,3.4507368421052647,90.62715789473688,77.94736842105263,5.612631578947369,19.294736842105266,6.2581,-0.0173410526315787,426,9,90,3,10,141,76,114,0.040999999999999995,0.8220000000000001,0.13699999999999998,0.8370000000000001,1,2,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,2,22,13,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,12,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,12,4,16,12,2,11,3,2,0,0,6,5,0,2,5,61,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388529481620827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013604859794932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23589973006063866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355502153208321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775159165619655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092425231728096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149337895305934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464608233856244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196082849818093,0.18985372119972566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473801150758406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282695599593969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276646550387911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211948509205482,0.17168017702694746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865201598385824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ijwanttobeokay,2019/05/29,"I know I am bpd but I am also extremely callous at times and exploitative in my friendships and relationships, I tend to think I am smarter than other people, or ""see more,"" do you think I have npd too? It worries me",2.346860465116279,4.419332000000004,3.969941860465117,85.7470058139535,77.83720930232559,7.090697674418602,27.02906976744186,8.07648339933343,1.7982139534883728,168,7,34,3,4,56,34,43,0.08199999999999999,0.754,0.16399999999999998,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,4,10,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861595675165988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506791554614166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665610308590825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24807690745776104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841795949537637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851472166155799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585709118076337,0.0,0.0,0.2086557714623805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633976023771478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cottontail_rabbit,2019/05/29,"FP Parent Representation? Hi, guys! So I recently stumbled upon the idea that a FP is a representation of a parent (?) Do you know if this is true? And if it is, how do you deal with it?",-0.40131578947368496,1.814008868421056,3.521368421052632,83.35257894736844,91.89473684210527,6.197894736842105,18.12631578947369,7.554174236665415,0.6209831578947371,139,4,31,3,5,52,27,38,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.6189,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,8,6,5,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340227573219143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208042009670088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657488803163185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780581866955369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7195122015811802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199041930122897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PM_ME_DANK_PEENS,2019/05/29,"Breakup tonight. Don’t know what to say Dating 3 months, last few weeks my relationship anxiety got the best of me, my FP spent less time with me, less compliments, less requests to hang out. 2 days ago, I decided for some dumb reason that I need to know if he was dating somebody else, but through asking his roommate. His roommate got super pissed at me, and my FP talked. He asked why I’d ask his roommate that, and I said that I couldn’t trust him to be honest with me. They got extremely defensive which makes me think he is dating someone else. 

During this same call he was quick to say “I don’t think we’re going to be together” to which I teared up and was begging for another chance, he didn’t take it, then I asked if we could talk about it at a later time. He sounded so fed up with me, and said fine. This was a huge surprise as everything was good in the first 2.5 months, and we’ve never had an argument/disagreement at that point. 

I left him alone yesterday because I didn’t want to be clingy, then today texted him “how’s your day going” during my lunch break. 6 hours later, still no answer. 

I’m going to leave an audio text tonight then block him from all social media after. I have a script I’ve typed down on my feelings, my mistake, my apology to him and the roommate, why I think he’s lying (still is), my disappointment in him, and finally thanking him for the times he’s rescued and comforted me. 

I’m not sure what else is appropriate to say?",6.101868644067796,5.45612012542373,6.360624999999999,82.2992425847458,66.38983050847457,9.680084745762713,30.640889830508474,9.017664075816787,2.2341906779661014,1147,36,241,17,16,369,163,295,0.109,0.7509999999999999,0.141,0.8442,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,1,1,3,6,16,3,0,9,0,19,3,1,3,3,40,46,17,0,7,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,12,13,2,2,9,0,1,4,8,5,0,1,15,8,39,11,33,26,8,48,0,1,0,0,37,13,2,3,30,143,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685057223397152,0.0,0.0,0.11315827615313255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456647725883695,0.08358202562680687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085657034789341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660262658979463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465946814497252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156457328277712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723357529474032,0.0,0.0,0.1409246662084127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738129694886499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819399215951054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055244097680434895,0.0,0.0,0.11968673361310643,0.0,0.09293474859327754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862814167469434,0.0916403769989036,0.2621506683781122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759706330925027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009061379586188,0.08905980417987945,0.0,0.11568838366017688,0.11870907231666848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293052385696894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441729186101962,0.0,0.0,0.08101337866881657,0.08426645945002897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328406930254733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233535998231313,0.0,0.1173021397299036,0.0,0.0,0.20785864295277065,0.2606588993473011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113747114246228,0.09257389864780613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450706524521034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297431614865414,0.0,0.08214837413060665,0.17563478832613147,0.0,0.10059003258156501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002423038397786,0.0,0.0,0.1911275516531013,0.0,0.10356375264174177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444316423398704,0.0,0.08764012973770142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197176595094844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cuttingmyfingers0ff,2019/05/29,"Hard time making friends I (f25) was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19 years old. I feel like I've struggled a lot making new friendships at this age and it makes me feel so empty and sad. I've tried to become friends with people at work and whenever I thought I became friends with them, they would just do something that would prove to me that they didn't see me as a friend at all. Im an introvert as well and I don't drink or party at all (yes I'm aware I'm very boring) and I think that's why it pushes people around my age away from me. My mind makes me believe something is wrong with me and I'm abnormal and that's why nobody wants to become my friend. I work with a guy and we have a ton of things in common and I've attempted to hint at hanging out after work but he never seems to get it. He probably just sees me as a co-worker. I just come home depressed every day and feeling so empty because I'm stuck in my home, not talking to anybody at all for days (excluding my boyfriend) and it makes me feel so unwanted and terrible about myself. I will also get online and see people posting pictures and videos of themselves having amazing times with their friends and I just can't help but feel jealous. Growing up I really wasn't allowed to do anything at all, but now that I'm older and free to do what I like, I still feel stuck like when I was younger. It's just a bad feeling.",3.934905046120456,4.372387319587631,4.778346898173268,88.08328811720024,70.99312714776633,7.50088623620908,27.686923494302768,7.273561745256523,1.2920886597938144,1094,36,237,10,19,355,148,291,0.139,0.726,0.135,-0.4701,1,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,4,4,17,20,1,1,7,1,16,2,0,6,6,64,45,29,0,4,10,0,8,3,6,3,1,0,2,1,13,26,1,0,11,2,1,4,6,8,1,0,8,11,34,13,36,34,6,35,0,2,3,0,16,13,0,3,20,148,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394632944281702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609297985178627,0.0823157940180481,0.0,0.0,0.08687638122222452,0.0,0.0772066077760248,0.0563674083385136,0.20424646266762805,0.0,0.10417935308761203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645974164686065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796526746745345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926794199968538,0.0,0.07964223329802014,0.09385269692947144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058307355144044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790796546452833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272808806771694,0.06605889257914753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286415643844532,0.0,0.09662103930420457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915574903745814,0.0,0.0,0.08283283302253477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619791025337331,0.0,0.18550514232061474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998809067626126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355250383156232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861267143740652,0.0,0.0,0.30861430164808096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336594565520104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131673587462384,0.08930581221697935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702922182621952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231623340669288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855842809562896,0.0,0.09969574343472568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923713085761665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105418528424609,0.08417905653106181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237219661048092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384476790394058,0.0,0.0,0.09666724262596076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432197751750846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061431383902025134,0.059249522935229726,0.0,0.07340896863120484,0.10783723606101236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277945030476073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629547785573151,0.05453980329297766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313950331839941,0.0,0.16687530536839001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692701405630084,0.0,0.0,0.1313727011233288,0.10109883641672306,0.0,0.05954612135669792
bpd,doublekupkarl,2018/12/02,"Do you control your mind, or does your mind control you? (Probably sounds dumb) Aside from dp/dr where it feels like I'm not actually in control of myself, does anyone ever wonder or like get frustrated in the feeling of not knowing if your brain is working right? My conscious and subconscious mind are constantly battling each other and I don't know which one to trust or which is supposed to be ""normal"". Its impossible for me to stop thinking and overanalyzing those thoughts and it's driving me nuts!! ",5.774792626728113,7.641223376344088,5.832288786482338,76.91129032258067,67.92473118279571,8.325038402457759,33.715821812596005,8.841846274778883,3.026478955453149,406,19,69,7,7,128,68,93,0.109,0.794,0.09699999999999999,-0.2833,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,4,2,6,3,0,1,0,6,1,1,3,1,28,15,8,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,4,8,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,3,10,3,9,13,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,5,5,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.15634306953049193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202343129855333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884874036318135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313144547204876,0.5390716207116895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804038895433633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492024815276766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201524391023758,0.11445494921754155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370376580003161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609582654435654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654224861586075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853030750921354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697300921304916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856328949496484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273482504047502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681953236663974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394377902576066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265690013786173,0.0,0.1271898369584366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737422667830647,0.11663569831652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cheapqinn,2018/12/02,Why does it have to hurt so much? I hate emotions. I don't know how to bear with the painful emotions and I try to fight them so much but it's useless. ,-0.9720588235294088,0.9519444411764724,0.5661764705882355,106.14279411764707,89.88235294117645,3.4000000000000004,20.264705882352946,3.1291,-0.9093882352941174,117,4,31,0,4,37,26,34,0.336,0.664,0.0,-0.879,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444194438836829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6283552947219463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757533313363798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989990343523313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349731440709194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106388547433701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29719748413421393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962802011504265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520270057278702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,enchantedlily,2018/12/02,"Boyfriend ruined my birthday, break up? We've been arguing for a while but decided to do something nice for my birthday. We went out for dinner then to a pretty expensive show. I paid for the dinner and show and he got me some drinks (he's currently not working). It was fine until he got drunk suddenly and just started picking fights with me non stop. Totally ruined the night. It's not the first time recently this has happened. I used to really like him but now I just don't even want to see him again. ",2.9655555555555537,5.0557447999999985,3.9653333333333336,86.42322222222224,76.0,7.6444444444444475,26.11111111111111,8.515128840125781,1.8929777777777776,400,15,79,8,9,129,70,100,0.168,0.7090000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.4755,1,0,2,0,1,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,5,7,2,0,5,0,5,4,0,2,1,19,14,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,1,1,4,2,1,3,4,0,1,6,1,10,3,12,8,2,17,0,2,1,0,8,2,0,1,14,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595022951092744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496472271515984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22532479765257146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423731325479386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342512274687187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294173297093403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485918006932952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694997209189436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970247100867436,0.0,0.2615579448774029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110919335358191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393386055280927,0.0,0.0,0.18749840971369144,0.0,0.0,0.22146923742266408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544660009807556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22878955601317602,0.0,0.0,0.1562455718760605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455660360968137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285120481371226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,this_is_awkward_912,2018/12/02,"GF of pwBPD, I need perspective Okay, a little background. We’ve been together about 5 months. I’ve been through several episodes and I generally know how to handle the emotions that come along with flares. This time I got a lot more anger than usual. We broke up, she took her stuff and she cancelled major plans we had. 

We had been planning a trip for mid 2019 and since we split I made the decision to alter those plans a little. My family is paying for me and my kids to travel, I was going to pay for her but I was having them wait until I could afford her ticket. Prices went up a little so I had my family buy me and my kids tickets so they didn’t keep going up. 

Fast forward a few hours and we’re talking. There’s apologies and understanding. But I tell her about the plan changes so as not to keep anything from her. I explain that I know we can still get her plane ticket later that the flight won’t sell out but now I don’t think there will be any reconciliation. 

I made an emotional decision based off of the fight/breakup. I know that. And I know that I should have waited to make any decisions. But it felt very permanent. And I have my own demons I battle. Abandonment issues are still the hardest for me to cope with. 

Is what I did that bad? Is it unforgivable? I feel awful that I hurt her feelings, I just want to fix it. 

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bpd,Noodlenuggett,2018/12/02,Self Internalized Stigma IAT Hi everyone I have BPD and I created a study for my psych class and my focus for it is BPD. I need enough people to take it. You need a computer for it. Please help me out. It’s completely anonymous. Here’s the link: http://lab.tellab.org/show/paradigm/iat/5c015c4671a894c407e1f807,4.76235294117647,7.912314745098044,2.3637058823529418,87.19967647058823,97.62745098039215,6.7458823529411776,18.82549019607843,7.554174236665415,1.4055631372549025,256,7,41,6,10,69,38,51,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,25,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6416181581100165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670675386132798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631923380871762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433944767254426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707324653423601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37774113360831774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658976070206173,0.0,0.0,0.2796044618199539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26572698493755137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151663884449155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joe-wolf,2018/12/02,might be me being dumb.... But what the help does FP stand for .... I'm nearly 35 and don't really do abbreviations ,0.01463768115942088,2.32551539130435,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,90.7391304347826,6.544927536231885,12.014492753623188,7.793537801064563,-0.04791594202898475,86,1,19,2,3,31,22,23,0.0,0.8859999999999999,0.114,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276255257891999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041292934390349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6396103218306437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862505079968662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,content_nectarine,2018/12/02,"Hi friends, need some love, it's been a weird, crazy year of mental health revelations My BPD diagnosis came earlier this year, and even though in some ways it has been hugely relieving to know that other people feel the same as me, and I mean, it cannot be overstated how huge of a deal it was for me and how positive of a step it still is, it's still bittersweet, like (heh) *everything* in my life. 

It made me finally come to terms with the fact that I do manipulate and use people. Part of me is happy that there's this framework now for improving, but the other part of me is still screaming, ""Hi, don't forget you're still human garbage and it's all your fault!"" I think in many ways this duality about everything will stay with me for life. But I can learn how to be more mindful about it and act out *less*. 

I'm right at the beginning of the road to self improvement. It's so hard unlearning how I've lived my life from such an early age. It's ""worked"" for me inasmuch as I've made it to 33 years old as of a couple days ago. But I've alienated a lot of people and burned a lot of bridges on the way. I've been called ""crazy bitch"" one too many times. Something needed to change. 

I've had some good days lately. But today I've just been feeling aggressively lonely and terrified of what the future will bring. I know I can stick to DBT and make a better future for myself, but I fucking hate that I couldn't have figured this out ten years ago. I'm pretty sure I've crashed and burned so many times that people are just waiting for me to fail again. I want to prove them wrong. I could use some love and support on this journey, if anyone's got any to spare. <3

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bpd,wincraft71,2018/12/02,"Anyone sometimes feel outraged that they get treated differently? I'm not exactly a social pariah (yet), but I definitely feel like an outcast from what I imagine to be this wonderful world of friendship and social support where everyone overly appreciates the good in people and hands out free passes when they do bad things or make mistakes. It's like I'm Larry David and nobody wants to give me the benefit of the doubt or forgive my faux pas.

I feel that I'm always judged negatively, while others are forgiven and assumed to have the best of intentions. These are usually people I consider to be cooler or more popular than me, the adored social butterflies. I'll get torn apart, shamed, and ridiculed for doing something, but it's perfectly okay when they do it.

If I get angry, it's bad and I'm being aggressive. If they get mad, then they're just blowing off steam.

If I make a joke, it's weird and random. If they breathe into a microphone they're the next Dave Chappelle.

If they want to hook up with a stranger and pursue sexual or romantic interests? Then it's natural, and they're just having fun and expressing themselves, they deserve to. If I do it then I am sad and desperate, ""thirsty"" or creepy.

They want to go to a party and get extremely intoxicated and do drugs? Well they've been working super hard and have been under a lot of stress lately, so they deserve to get wasted until they can't walk by themselves. If I want to do a fraction of that then I'm irresponsible and have a serious problem.

If they overcome feeling sad temporarily then everyone says ""omg wow you're so strong and I have so much respect for you"". When their sadness was usually a minor, momentary inconvenience. And they have all the adoration and social support in the world to help pull them through every little hiccup.

Oh, and if they have an outburst and snap at someone or worse? Well, they're going through *a lot* right now and you wouldn't understand.

Make a mistake? Well they just didn't know and they can't be blamed! Where I'd get absolutely decimated for being such a horrible fuck up and maybe even accused of doing it on purpose. Or have it held against me indefinitely while their sins are conveniently forgotten.

Something bad happened to them? Well that's the worst tragedy in the world and everyone needs to be there to #support in this trying time. Oh, *you* had a major life event that caused you trauma? Well fuck you, suck it up and take some personal responsibility, snowflake.

It's tricky to exactly pinpoint each event, but overall this is the general vibe of people responding to me vs other people.",4.971103974097865,6.949224057026478,5.590061099796333,77.40834508329421,70.14052953156822,8.783351611050184,30.71601650216721,9.333382268041843,2.9363187738263097,2096,89,369,46,39,677,249,491,0.204,0.569,0.22699999999999998,0.9354,1,0,3,0,0,0,61.0,0,5,19,5,21,52,7,3,26,1,34,8,2,5,4,89,73,58,0,18,24,0,6,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,24,29,0,1,10,1,1,5,6,24,5,0,6,7,39,29,48,60,10,47,1,3,0,2,35,22,3,24,22,254,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970151660545107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058572390523004315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982783153443632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790913363186592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605260118995788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751951754656677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971440486152518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532783909430487,0.0,0.0705779808385697,0.2401311560364281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942205799248322,0.0598437300585261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488395480528988,0.3063565114278195,0.08035770273751139,0.09521433756774543,0.07026045278254171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407558518029017,0.0,0.07503949136665207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614778777670965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603658985564603,0.0,0.09449372233298713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591676714829679,0.08184942750808095,0.08395733798314484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424327688522226,0.0,0.0,0.1677469624962336,0.0,0.0841560100400956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157896836056731,0.062112759169275986,0.0,0.0,0.08908800116032131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229616903983824,0.07314280821977523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015446749455367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153723991542421,0.0,0.06661551341486169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415628747713485,0.07097618154623919,0.12897708346516418,0.08284849198514313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959557270693205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851761059483597,0.0,0.0,0.06298295741226723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565160134874789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884567537489939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056872834687009176,0.0,0.0,0.08720522965984145,0.0,0.0,0.1845167849016462,0.0,0.1976336652510191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765865426691077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908426012523068,0.060983953013468775,0.0,0.08536654040521736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MeowYouveDoneIt,2018/12/02,"My ex (also FP) left me 8 months ago, and i have her blocked on everything since, and she even has a new boyfriend and I cannot get over it still. I have tried everything. I tried hooking up with someone, that didn't work. I tried taking care of myself. Nothing. Hobbies did nothing. Took a 6000 mile road trip. Nothing. I graduate nursing school in 11 days and yet I feel like shit. I am completely obsessed with this girl and I can't make it stop. I dream about her everyday. Nothing I do makes it stop and I don't know what to do anymore ",0.17748484848484836,2.561453900000004,1.537272727272729,97.10257575757578,91.8181818181818,4.751515151515153,22.78787878787879,6.42735559955562,0.5002242424242427,419,17,92,5,15,133,76,110,0.075,0.812,0.11199999999999999,0.4182,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,2,0,11,1,1,2,0,15,19,7,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,3,2,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,1,18,2,9,16,0,18,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,10,56,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353916013040311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214324235614828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147346539310155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572493718186695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014120744705848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850234118957804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088095043536993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27453925217487457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722811208054828,0.10911491330091097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797984640303385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393992997855812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659485434060476,0.0,0.0,0.07461928908457995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390546346144103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191273575094518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475137650188094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5862187730946095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457738905612778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678171774003247,0.12634512681966026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941305443817702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219754847980582,0.25538893574297783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483876307097572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696957581590572,0.311093965231496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111939168782382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beardzz842,2018/12/02,"Should I shave or should I go now...? I've (26F) torn out my head hair for what is nearly 10 years and I'm f*cking sick of how my hair looks - patchy, damaged and thin. I've had several late night shopping sprees (damn you Amazon prime) and amongst other things bought myself hair clippers to shave it all off and start again. I've bought some wigs too and just want my hair gone. 

I can't tell if this is a bpd thing or what... looking for advice in our bpd community 
",1.7457777777777783,3.7396243263157913,2.1898245614035083,98.16321637426904,79.42105263157895,5.064327485380117,18.976608187134506,5.82211442006289,-0.4674795321637433,361,8,83,2,9,110,70,95,0.08900000000000001,0.879,0.033,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,6,6,5,1,1,16,15,9,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,4,7,9,0,8,9,2,13,0,1,2,0,3,5,1,4,6,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258571621568504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821992597058538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313562734286334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372056421210834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607242468967404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881812913480029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168994647979039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611106503613079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359471472485554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020174507210303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071044613761536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632622163098554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883987926637732
bpd,SmackLover,2018/12/02,"Why ""high functioning"" BPD is an oxymoron I have yet to see a sound argument for the use of ""High functioning BPD"" as a diagnoses and I'm curious as to why it has even gained a foothold within discussion of Borderline subtypes because it's starting to get a little ridiculous.

In reality if you can lead a relatively stable, successful life then it follows that you just have traits *associated* with BPD, or you have worked hard enough in therapy to have reduced the significance of your personality disorder to a high degree. 

That's not to say those traits aren't difficult to live with or that there isn't a spectrum of severity within the diagnoses of Borderline (of course there is), but the characteristics people use to define high functioning BPD don't actually denote a true disorder;

>**To be diagnosed as a  personality disorder, a behavioral pattern must cause significant  distress or impairment in personal, social, and/or occupational  situations.**

It could even be argued that the high functioning concept minimises many of the difficulties faced by people living with BPD because, while there are often periods of appearing to be functional, it is *not* sustainable due to the inherent instability of the Borderline's psyche.

So unless you had the luck to be able to rely on things like the support of those around you (such as financial security, housing etc) chances are it's a struggle to consistently meet m/any hallmarks associated with being a ""healthy"" adult.

I'm sure some people are going to get all defensive and harp on about how they truly, really have BPD because they're just *so* empathetic, all the while failing to realise that empathy in Borderlines is primarily focused inwards and only minimally directed towards other people. 

The reality is that simply being  overly sensitive, being jealous, having episodic rage or having an overdeveloped sense of empathy are *not* the same thing as BPD at all (and this weird ""empath"" identity within Borderline discussion is just laughable). 

BPD is a painful, deeply disruptive mental health problem that results in chronic behavioural problems and emotional distress. But if you find living with high functionality *that* trying  I'd be happy to swap, really.

​

/cue multiple angsty comments

​

​",10.233844155844157,11.113587592207791,10.14564935064935,53.49275974025977,57.49350649350649,13.857142857142856,44.512987012987004,13.023866798666859,6.765337662337662,1873,104,248,66,22,617,210,385,0.151,0.732,0.11599999999999999,-0.9598,1,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,0,7,1,5,16,22,5,3,28,0,34,8,1,6,6,48,46,25,0,6,15,0,1,1,0,1,7,2,0,4,20,11,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,14,0,0,1,4,9,8,55,35,7,32,0,1,1,0,19,21,0,10,8,186,29,5,0.06069564595686223,0.0,0.059230195001708626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972911211076616,0.2212555599212932,0.041275120593052175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054031993125818266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109985072560554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.611552330646833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062351147782854326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846053444689303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848144090387146,0.0,0.0,0.20868740607217587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827443229086716,0.0,0.06271482724231253,0.06769168941132457,0.08017780344047439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547472081023306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342193978411424,0.0,0.03449473432899477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461164375203035,0.05437137693750911,0.0,0.0,0.064516633395783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847696942537685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003462628080168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042871129722833114,0.029652826759023827,0.060832982567097627,0.1607861021270757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153585844192669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116693535623359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046161773800749865,0.06458444665932649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831487444779414,0.15899129072799184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615507210936303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776637000161044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826761380974344,0.0,0.0,0.048366571535846316,0.0,0.0,0.0685688036025008,0.0,0.0,0.06822444910338972,0.0,0.061871567470090025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296069060704237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345226759171545,0.0,0.0,0.06887669975590117,0.05720492801087779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941076082966839,0.0,0.08064698038327765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120835943787103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484310074963712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953675974451198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418715313825015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212555599212932,0.0
bpd,OnMyMind12345,2018/12/02,"Fear of abandonment is at it's highest I'm involved with someone I really like. A couple of days ago we had a disagreement and since then, I've felt as if the person has gone off me. I am analysing every message, every response time. 

She's said she'll hang out with me tomorrow, and I'm sure she wouldn't do that if she didn't like me anymore but that isn't enough to calm these stupid thoughts down.

I feel as if eventually she'll leave me, and I am constantly in a state of panic over this, internally. 

I've been hurt and dumped so many times that I feel like I'm just waiting for it to happen again, and I feel like it would be because of something I've done :(",3.976634920634922,4.304598885714288,4.889523809523811,87.71325396825398,70.85714285714286,8.222222222222221,27.698412698412696,8.167268648758528,1.512174603174603,524,17,118,7,9,171,87,140,0.209,0.7040000000000001,0.087,-0.9585,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,3,12,2,2,4,0,15,0,0,0,1,24,27,13,0,5,5,0,4,4,0,4,0,1,0,1,8,9,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,8,5,16,6,17,14,1,17,0,2,0,0,10,6,0,3,12,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393159224891462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221564326624714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585635296154587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876555989983273,0.0,0.0,0.19214210060767567,0.0,0.11199086260534648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770579236538514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794284369924922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29261778512865044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540623457147524,0.2634102738523964,0.2481133568218077,0.16673268847254435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355946295164988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858975404479832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387188315721625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393494388319775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760553825105144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374263983891489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516258065551229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124560836352447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518235842284276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364632929164042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713436679673084,0.1336854215986036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366449965016852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785990740075213,0.2025151920116305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335705534044322,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,quinobequin,2018/12/02,"I'm losing control again for no reason Things should be going well right now but all of a sudden I'm vacillating between mania and depression and rage within a day and I don't know why. I wasn't doing well but at least it felt sustainable. Now I feel like my life could entirely unravel in the next week entirely due to my disproportionate and unpredictable reactions to normal things so it will be entirely my fault and no one will be left because I'll have burned all my bridges again on the way down. I don't want to keep rebuilding and crashing until I'm old and completely alone, and I don't want to die or end up in prison, and I feel like I have no control over those outcomes, even though I will be 100% responsible.",9.493333333333332,6.49429875862069,9.297068965517244,71.45066091954025,61.41379310344828,13.25287356321839,37.95977011494253,11.538034831475384,4.050908045977012,580,20,117,13,6,190,89,145,0.205,0.684,0.111,-0.9338,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,1,0,4,0,16,1,0,3,2,27,27,15,1,5,3,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,3,5,0,0,1,7,4,2,1,2,3,12,4,16,16,3,24,0,2,0,0,0,10,0,1,14,81,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300922637638744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182966100811174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514450099920426,0.0,0.3747124755582355,0.1333725988841124,0.0,0.0,0.10773081875634942,0.0,0.1438764324583137,0.0,0.17336732354597229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795313034746754,0.0,0.0,0.11033227490912656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892690356328016,0.23867532094108135,0.16039030885843913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493606328912464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847811617185105,0.0,0.0,0.09180408580885062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149591407324475,0.0,0.11798949502916095,0.1632204272714091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688168999784616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776552635350786,0.0,0.1636695643532285,0.0,0.0,0.17528662497853195,0.0,0.11319465929507855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175105865833726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265632907035353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195581391412786,0.0,0.16412179830462384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705605932491813,0.13259330022011945,0.13399418549755107,0.0,0.3003887419642413,0.0,0.15073298806145166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,createusernamehard,2018/12/02,"I’m can’t connect with men on an emotional level. I’m a straight female, to clarify. I can jump right into sex, no problem.. which I know puts them off from wanting anything more than sex. Most of the time, I kind of don’t care about having a relationship and my only concern is getting off. Other times I absolutely hate myself for being so promiscuous and I cry almost hysterically bc I’m so lonely- these feelings usually go as quickly as they come, but they’re so intense. And actually, I think deep down/if I’m being honest with myself, I do want a relationship and a life with someone.

I’m getting older and literally everyone around me is getting married, but I almost cannot even grasp the concept of two people meeting and actually dating, and falling in love. It makes me really sad. ",3.9103016591251887,5.973256078431376,6.044444444444442,72.68923076923079,73.1830065359477,8.106385118149825,31.37707390648568,8.841846274778883,2.9932075414781303,632,30,107,13,13,221,104,153,0.107,0.77,0.12300000000000001,0.5272,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,7,8,1,0,7,0,10,4,0,1,0,26,29,14,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,4,0,0,5,4,4,0,1,0,1,15,4,19,27,2,21,0,2,0,3,7,10,0,3,6,73,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.3215946709262453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32999816750678096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355963793833228,0.14668532703872925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799983027884924,0.0,0.0,0.14193969424120306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809983933167824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853505090150746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883281032708368,0.0,0.0,0.15745026365473952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331555598661575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25826554159311804,0.0,0.09364584005591503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268191182639008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715885580648271,0.09055642753958558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638596542737338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871652235537922,0.0,0.10998907392219852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531936163974874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423473841861652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766811248193305,0.0,0.1656451119438181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555954682014423,0.0,0.0,0.3538149196154876,0.0,0.14071756624667905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396139345112726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558162928899543,0.0,0.0,0.1921640971487689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096193751991167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147717841587666,0.0,0.19437798002420564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yeeergh,2018/12/02,"Advice for rebuilding trust/connection with ex friend with BPD after an estrangement Long story short, my ex best friend likely has BPD (as suggested by numerous psychiatrists). I was her FP, and I really truly loved her. Several years ago, I made a decision she didn't like, and she completely and aggressively cut me out and refused to talk about it or answer or acknowledge any of my messages and spent many years hating me furiously, and also spreading some lies. It's honestly been really heartbreaking, because I know a lot of it is misunderstandings on her part of what happened (that it's impossible to resolve without talking), and I know that if she actually investigated her feelings she wouldn't be hurt and wouldn't be mad. 

It's taken many years but in the past few months, she decided to finally look at her feelings instead of just going with the stories she made up to match the intensity of her feelings, and she has finally realized that the reason she was so upset was because she feels she loved me more than anyone in the world and that I left her for someone else, when ironically, I never left her or stopped loving her, rather she just thought not picking her first every time automatically meant that and preemptively left instead and locked the gates.

She hasn't figured out the fact that she's the one who left yet, but just realizing why she was upset has helped, and she reopened communication. I've been reaching out for five years, as kindly as I could, because I really really loved and cared about her, and it hurt like hell every time I was met with silence. Now that things are finally opening up again, I'm really happy but also need some help.

 I'm not sure how to deal with or interpret her inconsistencies. For instance she'll get mad at me for not having told her I loved her over the past few years, but also she blocked me on everything and prevented me from speaking to her so there's no way I could have (I actually did, but turns out she block all of that), but I'm scared to point that out because I feel like she'll get defensive. She'll also do things like text me and be really lovely, but then ignore me every single time I reach out and try to text her nice supportive things, but at the same time that she's ignoring me I can see her watching all my social media stories. I just don't understand the thought process. Can anyone explain to me what is going on in her mind? And how I should proceed? I just want things to be better but this is also really painful. 

​",10.963899322996282,7.637995060165977,10.412397903472376,65.59476632452503,58.97925311203321,13.881808255077527,40.92858702773531,11.920831013317358,4.667554356846472,2017,75,372,45,19,658,222,482,0.12300000000000001,0.7140000000000001,0.163,0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,0,4,24,40,8,3,14,0,35,7,0,6,5,107,75,47,0,9,24,2,5,5,2,6,1,1,1,0,24,31,0,8,22,0,1,2,11,17,0,3,18,9,71,23,54,45,12,56,1,3,3,6,63,26,1,8,32,271,95,0,0.0,0.0,0.12928337670129733,0.0,0.0,0.06472996632312042,0.05871867493570543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264864632459673,0.0,0.07177212661336922,0.08049009996713062,0.04504617082443427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263453449798212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151966438123133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951587257575287,0.0585848066137471,0.0,0.0,0.16685651282527875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753714320308392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945245800571845,0.0,0.0,0.10577614221704207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829159166294911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055335879378331385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674327701774599,0.0,0.05953316509400111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746727143631632,0.047322603935869914,0.0,0.21769142638103875,0.0,0.056344584931280965,0.0,0.0,0.10235530847222754,0.0,0.0692164066993204,0.0,0.07529260594765823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058576722663784477,0.07051480649559567,0.0,0.0653993016381852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879993009239069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418247818974177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689798376510258,0.07280867372960274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28788428476983785,0.0,0.0,0.16181010260200046,0.0,0.0,0.058621225664430274,0.05562578064000419,0.0,0.0,0.056315753557566975,0.3587106862063675,0.12535772545628746,0.0,0.13431601174630306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668845555054573,0.0,0.0528729569052609,0.0,0.0,0.04911688323333289,0.05108916474417563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044886635185873006,0.0,0.07048512457422844,0.0,0.0,0.07173257863327479,0.1264691139030627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261918284552867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29704989301168305,0.06810680963920215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631882528510942,0.0,0.05278552339257605,0.0,0.0,0.0748335073508002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752438654055279,0.05612580841649161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538046583256264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516953405461059,0.0624313853515725,0.0,0.0,0.1064840589502074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603038356386724,0.0,0.0,0.1051759547350267,0.15450270546209785,0.0,0.0,0.06329614134825841,0.0,0.04497331011906221,0.07205121732630176,0.0,0.06895924669624265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039070674805537935,0.05257904509042682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059772225012431277,0.0,0.0,0.0638539875762725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049009996713062,0.2132852525119204
bpd,AbsyntheMinded_,2018/12/02,"How to approach BPD with my GP (uk) So, ive circled this topic a million times and always wuss out because i fear being shrugged off... 

The online tests i score VERY highly, but its hard to explain what im experiencing out of tue moment... maybe i need to start journalling again? 


For example, fear of abandonment. I spent my life with my aunt, abused but too scared to leave because i didnt want to be totally alone in the world. I eventually left when i moved in with my boyfriend and his dad.

I fear that he will leave me to the point that i honestly think that if we broke up id hurt myself. 
I honestly dont think i could handle the heartbreak. I worry that hes cheating on me constantly and have gone behind his back to check several times. I know hes not and i have to keep telling myself that because im only hurtong myself with the thought...

I honestly love him SO much that i dont know what to do with it.  Same goes for his cat... i just love the cat so much that its rediculous. 

Ive been taking antidepressants for some time now, and whilst i dont feel luke im permanantly teetering on the edge, im maybe a few feet away from it. 

Now the sea isnt choppy, but i still get hit with tsunamis of emotion. Its like all hands on deck for half an hour and then im fine. And then the memory of that feeling is gone. Like how you forget the pain of childbirth...

Ive never had a stable sense of self to the point that i just dont recognise myself in the mirror. Pictures of me are like looking at someone else but thays what im told i look like. Like identiying a friend or relative. I know the face but its not mine.

The only reason i know about BPD is because of a friend i met 9 years ago told me she had it. (We were in art therapy group and just relating to each other) and i had a lot of simmilarities with her... i googled and sure enough, it fit like a glove with everything I was experiencing. Id suspected bipolar, schizoaffective... but they werent quite right... but bpd was so on the nose.

Even the supposed triggers.
Childhood trauma, abuse, neglect... family history of such even...

I just dont think rocking up to my appointment tuesday like ""Hey Bob i think im borderline""",2.6628747483375044,4.331604336343118,3.889391739369167,88.50274845952049,75.61399548532731,7.2271124397535225,25.06552376304069,8.00916892397051,1.310086498688304,1703,58,365,27,37,556,225,443,0.156,0.71,0.134,-0.8573,1,1,0,0,2,2,68.0,2,1,1,1,21,28,1,4,24,0,29,9,4,4,4,69,58,28,0,4,15,2,4,7,2,1,3,0,0,1,22,23,0,3,14,2,2,4,10,12,0,2,15,9,58,16,52,38,10,47,0,5,2,2,27,22,0,4,28,236,80,1,0.0,0.15882931661034158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941436159455313,0.0,0.0,0.06941855460117004,0.0,0.0,0.05577086683980765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297298149074937,0.0515387324373511,0.0,0.1634333158008967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532500911744613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243111989707685,0.0,0.05351467798482869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39276891685173865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599148737836312,0.07539504671882538,0.0,0.06925560815728256,0.0,0.08853986819625279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023850166299255,0.0,0.06318599525479078,0.22626810732690694,0.06778055554738102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356799289748644,0.0,0.03501823415133292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004198595026205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081647819655705,0.0,0.0,0.06600694945326781,0.0,0.07175254622101407,0.0,0.5067958498094711,0.0,0.0,0.05957564478168916,0.0,0.0,0.14734259153249366,0.0,0.0,0.1419413701030082,0.07282376948829801,0.0,0.04734233182008011,0.22921807310269304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256964665988498,0.0,0.0,0.0569829709032556,0.1209868719587184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467292702634345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123785883747458,0.09854340656631697,0.049698809859351364,0.05169445855169279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195234073874364,0.07132021768331513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672216382312626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129022946468433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891372496715452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723969973270969,0.0,0.0,0.06710455694597918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992256719705724,0.0757201191954261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679077533161954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744123336817895,0.0,0.053526921091574205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317105943192301,0.0,0.050395088974895065,0.0,0.05858353700619196,0.0,0.07664988751934439,0.0,0.0,0.17178980333409488,0.0,0.05321102879553728,0.11724991605796453,0.0,0.0,0.12809212175592127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530333615700568,0.03953357604171452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806799236171329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043162442372565
bpd,DanielExpresso,2018/12/02,Friends Who Understans Anyone wanna dm about having relating bpd experiences? I'm a lonely bored person..,5.507450980392154,9.06891347058824,6.749411764705886,56.76568627450985,90.76470588235293,9.325490196078432,29.196078431372552,8.841846274778883,4.807760784313726,87,4,9,3,3,29,17,17,0.23399999999999999,0.609,0.157,-0.128,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33367003823822194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6010179607036285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667941506763013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686843127878742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41667351114785134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buzzbuzzmthrfckrr,2018/12/02,"A Letter to My Mother- Radical Acceptance & Eating Disorders Anybody else struggle with radical acceptance? I've been in DBT for almost a couple years now and it's one of the hardest things to grasp for me. Anyway, I've been really struggling with getting stuck on ""thought trains"" as my therapist likes to say. And I decided to just start writing stuff down a few hours ago in an attempt at acceptance. I've got a novel going at this point. So it's a letter because this is only part of it, but I wrote it to my mom essentially. Not sure if i'm really going to send the finished product to her. But I feel better for now. Wanted to share because I've never put any of this out in detail and maybe somebody else could relate, idk. 

​

At a young age- maybe five or six years old because i remember it was a Britney Spears crop top, and Britney Spears was popular enough to have crop tops in Walmart when I was that age- you told me I couldn't wear a crop top because my belly was too big. You got it for me anyway and told me I could wear it when I lost weight. That's the first memory that I have relating to self image and weight loss.   
 By third grade I remember telling everybody in my class that I was going on a diet and they were all shocked. I couldn't understand why because obviously I was so fat. I would eat the ""healthy"" food from my school lunches- salty canned green beans and sugary fruit cocktails- and threw the rest away. When I got home I would immediately weigh myself. I would feel so good when the scale was a lower number than it was that morning. But when it was the same, I would cry and cry and cry. You weren't home or I'm sure you would've noticed.   
 I was self-conscious about the way i looked. I would get this nasty feeling every time I was in the hallway at school, or just out in the open in general. I would daydream about how when I was small I wouldn't get that nasty feeling anymore. I know now that this nasty feeling was anxiety.   
 Every week was going to be the week that I lost weight but instead I would get stressed out and I would eat. I would eat when I was lonely, bored, and anxious. I was binging. I would eat whole bags of chips and whole frozen pizza. You noticed that and couldn't help but make fun of me for it. The whole family would make fun of me for it. I obviously gained weight. When I was on Adderall I lost the weight, because that's one of the main side effects, lose of appetite. I was praised for the weight lose until you made me get off of it because I was losing too much weight. For the first time you told me to eat!   
 What I don't understand is when I mentioned this to you a few months ago you told me that you encouraged me to lose weight because you said that you didn't want me to gain weight and get an eating disorder. But when I came to you wanting to be put back on the Adderall because it made me not eat why wasn't that a red flag? If you didn't want me to get an eating disorder why wasn't that the reddest flag! It was the first time that I had told you about what goes on inside my head and I remember in that moment I really wanted you to tell me ""No."" I wanted you to tell me that I was beautiful and that I didn't need to lose weight and that I shouldn't think that way, but you didn't. You took me to be put back on Adderall.   
 In high school I stepped out in my swimsuit at around 110 pounds you told me that I needed to gain weight. At that point I laughed at the irony. I told you I needed to lose 20 more pounds and you said nothing. After my two mile run in the morning I wouldn't have breakfast. Id count out my half a serving size of plain almonds and berries for lunch. I puked up my dinner if I had too much that evening. Afterwards, I swore that I could see the fat on my face and body from the dinner that had stayed in my belly for 10 minutes. You mocked me once by making puke sounds at me. I was so humiliated. My high school boyfriend would call me beautiful and a dog in the same breath. But it was OK to me because he was the first one to ever tell me I was beautiful, which (I thought) was obviously just him being nice.   
 The nasty feeling didn't go away no matter how small I was. It only got worse. But I no longer cared about anything other than the number on the scale. I didn't care about friends, I didn't care about an education, and i didn't tell anybody about what was going on. I ""got better"" on my own. Until I went to therapy and actually started to change my mindset about food.   
 I regret all of this because I think about how much I've loved going to college and learning things. If all of this didn't completely dominate my life, and I was able to discover how much I enjoyed learning, who knows where I could be educationally. It's just another layer to the shit cake that is my childhood.  
 This isn't the first time I've told you this stuff. I figured you cared and knew you fucked up until a few months ago when you said something about my nephew, right in front of the kids face- ""look how big his belly is, he can't eat that."" When he isn't even overweight. The same way that you did me. The same purely careless, throwaway comments turned onto a new generation. And I've realized that nothing you did has ever shown me that you were any different than you've ever been. I try to paint you a different color when deep down you're the same. You have absolutely no idea how much pain you've caused me. I can only speak for myself but from what I've seen you've either directly or indirectly caused the same pain in a different way to my brothers with your carelessness. They just don't backtrack it all to you, like I do.   
   
 I don't expect an apology. I'm not writing this to get one. But I need to get this off my chest so that I can move on from all the damage that's been done and dive wholeheartedly into a new way of communicating and dealing with problems. I need to accept that I may never understand why this happened and why someone would do these things. I need to accept that what is done is done and that I can't change anything or you. I need to accept that you weren't the person the I needed when I was younger and that no matter how much I want it to be different, it will always be what it is. I need to accept all of this so that the past you and your past actions won't plague my brain in the present day anymore. I need to be able to accept this so that I can move on with my life and stop holding so much resentment or anger towards you. Even though you've hurt me so much, I still hate and feel so much guilt that this is going to hurt you. But I've got to get it out. ",3.514208865071076,4.4674056718061665,4.311192606385394,89.16243948408193,72.31130690161527,7.378609382805759,25.34813872867372,7.622082156629803,1.0594202491787397,5183,154,1138,60,97,1665,425,1362,0.14400000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9945,5,2,1,0,0,0,127.0,0,40,2,26,67,63,6,4,64,1,117,51,12,15,17,210,218,95,0,47,31,4,18,2,1,19,7,6,2,3,93,52,36,2,36,2,0,22,37,32,0,14,89,32,188,31,155,95,34,165,1,15,7,2,91,72,2,13,67,790,281,9,0.057890448466534725,0.0,0.0282463634528759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697458448369407,0.0,0.028984460940639462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024084745315646524,0.06272427672711647,0.03517161565609187,0.03936749010530869,0.030351591389174024,0.02214301731188682,0.03269986445307553,0.057411769251263775,0.0,0.0,0.047638906502076736,0.025767386311511008,0.0,0.0,0.05438998197134179,0.044514181506637406,0.0,0.1940921403601579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511993972512552,0.0,0.032151618889452165,0.0,0.03231244300472294,0.029556310212246008,0.033105625427137464,0.1180463408155454,0.05946943723307596,0.06124041847805795,0.0,0.030348516902644264,0.0,0.0,0.09244162502372756,0.03202734006714653,0.09538490897167136,0.018667275051802115,0.029841255203967663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096639458731485,0.09952120400384526,0.0,0.0,0.08886304187350852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961819057378419,0.0483600413536898,0.0,0.0,0.02990815417912402,0.0,0.05735414285148525,0.07854783739305472,0.04877519962762456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027286981348137392,0.0,0.10244902555311744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310396473071282,0.07000136007543574,0.0,0.022363008440889173,0.02675939338652625,0.15122684991808846,0.0,0.13160190379776046,0.02427788079000257,0.13890084009539702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02559616619640731,0.0,0.0,0.02857741638206924,0.02970615076072578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019401373664418443,0.06116443721106753,0.05806883991058968,0.0,0.028505215298356867,0.0,0.0619729224021593,0.032675634934556066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03181507651118737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040889735775869115,0.028282348961248194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861339662987745,0.19429381209245486,0.09479139451947677,0.0,0.026124194967529026,0.05477734207152087,0.05796348581716704,0.0,0.058158736489764724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03390029678886595,0.046207603658893516,0.06152838512841274,0.1915026326247366,0.21462517005363227,0.04464868269033562,0.05591095586719659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554744661766919,0.06590865927445874,0.030373143722009364,0.03082571913850473,0.07845613219501213,0.06604244205347347,0.06159951874848925,0.0,0.0,0.03134485715311839,0.0552629835020889,0.0,0.025273853331143938,0.0,0.0,0.05472518564744901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027696670453317182,0.0,0.08729383523703578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562915548597165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836788956614828,0.024719063341192064,0.08260060990647355,0.023018404086526056,0.0,0.11717644894334613,0.02306559616309935,0.0,0.06039236318827537,0.0,0.029711856721399883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024525194562044488,0.022283447750478552,0.0,0.0,0.04097515738511632,0.030851757748031693,0.023115693462757717,0.024199503540356437,0.03315665656350345,0.06051966610115095,0.06627071332573345,0.0,0.0,0.05456106257439277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649700896138633,0.0,0.03310138651204672,0.033607636287786284,0.057689762440018125,0.03709386186349753,0.02843853584625463,0.045958549656585135,0.06751277208698181,0.0,0.0,0.22126721740176486,0.032159209156080185,0.01965190723996901,0.031484092135419084,0.028275278170322937,0.09039899770497199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195085023837701,0.11487685853539766,0.04643622586183229,0.3877223375004119,0.0,0.026832512854031286,0.1305928136444839,0.0969489274886784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02949765635338723,0.28786599542762104,0.0,0.03517161565609187,0.037279550799540095
bpd,kilagu,2019/02/02,"BPD 'The Border' Discord! ~ Social & Supportive ~ Hi, we're temporarily opening access to our invite-only BPD discord server that has been around for several years!

https://discord.gg/MKkRaf

It is mainly a social group where BPD people can talk about things in common, make friends, chat and vent, as well as offer and receive support!

Hope to see you in there 💕
",5.466302083333333,8.344081359375004,5.16375,77.03958333333338,71.34375,6.766666666666668,26.291666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.896279166666667,293,10,44,4,6,90,55,64,0.077,0.726,0.19699999999999998,0.8164,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,9,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,5,9,8,1,8,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,1,2,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907003516533483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668094993492387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6650129480524186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598031882480704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481176849697355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748409287073792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201907097545395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025246774971872,0.0,0.0,0.19883451752971693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588279981677849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39945469792342425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414654159313837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169292928581353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824880890037316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334085967830305
bpd,lilgeebee,2019/02/02,"Self or professionally diagnosed? So I heard of BPD awhile back and researched it thoroughly out of interest. From what I found Im fairly sure I have it and I feel at ease knowing that  other people feel the same way I do. But at the same time there's always the danger with self diagnosis.
I guess I just want to know we're you self or professionally diagnosed? And what are the main ""signs"" that led you to this.

 ",2.4775609756097587,4.760330597560976,3.9489634146341466,85.00685975609757,78.39024390243901,7.514634146341463,21.22560975609756,8.472884824447931,1.202458536585366,327,9,68,7,8,108,56,82,0.042,0.836,0.121,0.6512,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,21,11,7,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,9,2,9,9,3,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,2,46,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654738467585605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291697613316316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25046689041050124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403693032873864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110695596812614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804815446655512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907517805815674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481122810722936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858496015749854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786981456904454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6223871077294647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743044174010906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596134769286184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729731443003567,0.15785191361805315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vlxedits,2019/02/02,"BPD women have it easier than men As a man I can't just get a woman whenever i'm feeling lonely and want intimacy

​

Pretty much all women  can see i'm fucked up and they want a real emotional connection.. so they never consider me past a friend

​

women have it completely the opposite ",8.132356321839083,7.5061210862069,9.446551724137931,61.77028735632186,62.27586206896552,13.250574712643678,36.574712643678154,12.45797560212912,5.063912643678161,245,10,39,8,3,86,44,58,0.11,0.653,0.237,0.6124,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,2,9,12,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,3,12,2,3,0,1,1,1,9,1,1,0,2,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403498347003644,0.4525102406655672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23451418499299145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522865855438706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094515486858417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414903861741948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385876427374372,0.17214022323856865,0.09728256290620124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687947694407365,0.0,0.14361002311607554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775033573199092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943379670795935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119379940073254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483784335203132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196528575121652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525102406655672,0.0
bpd,Revolver123,2019/02/02,"Question about Therapy Hi all,

​

I'm having extreme difficulty finding a good therapist. I've only seen Licensed Professional Counselors thus far, as these types seem to be the only that offer DBT sessions. 

​

But I'm wondering if I need to seek out a Psychologist doctor. Nothing against LPCs, I'm just not sure if they are equipped with the medical knowledge to handle the deep intricacies associated with severe personality disorders. 

​

Or am I completely wrong on this? Does anyone have any insight on Psychologist versus Licensed Professional Counselors? ",8.60286842105263,11.787715431578945,8.41809210526316,55.85976973684214,63.105263157894754,10.644736842105264,43.45394736842106,10.686352973137794,6.061447368421053,486,30,58,14,8,156,73,95,0.11199999999999999,0.858,0.03,-0.7792,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,1,2,20,12,5,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,11,10,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,6,0,34,6,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242729731769696,0.4758083065913339,0.08876181570632354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126646425949818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368535030842364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959353085554422,0.1335983797822719,0.114223744383574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929794205729152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947859640824327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149070896905374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678300414518884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524273725465473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985410484527509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396983173510135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621843182828234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188255127322453,0.0,0.1474566620549807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301873876171672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926728431741534,0.15155016540408658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415493365799584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270914368608664,0.4758083065913339,0.0
bpd,HiggsBoson0,2019/02/02,"I blew it with a girl with bpd. We met on tinder and hit it off right away. Exchanged numbers and talked a lot. She said she felt close to me right away but over later weeks the interactions became less frequent. I sent three ""hope you're doing well"" messages over a period of nine days, and noticed that she was in the hospital on the last day based on an instagram post. I texted her over it but didn't hear anything but I noticed she checked my snap story. I made a huge error in snapping her directly and was immediately unfriended and I'm pretty sure she blocked my number but I haven't tried to contact her. I want to dm her on instagram but I'm certain I'll look like a creep and it would be like dumping gasoline on a fire. I feel really shitty about it and I wish there was something I could do.",2.2735569105691056,4.259538591463418,3.5679024390243934,88.95595934959353,77.71951219512195,6.568455284552847,24.347967479674807,7.554174236665415,1.1029313821138218,635,22,133,9,15,207,104,164,0.1,0.716,0.184,0.9137,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,10,0,10,0,0,1,2,28,24,12,0,5,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,6,11,0,1,2,0,2,1,2,1,1,2,9,6,23,6,20,11,2,26,0,0,1,0,19,17,0,2,9,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312863084978278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268237759052322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190573086177186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388680407955875,0.0,0.0,0.2243394499195124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794365683719271,0.0,0.16699897985135406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960304642986472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727506011746057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177523365644087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994570955833185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605643604116905,0.0,0.0,0.14786809574544066,0.0,0.16457569134054756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396038316399512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657576806986826,0.17694817765211848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142328046075406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970685896629171,0.1654461737453354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389893267174935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392589077672745,0.0,0.0,0.13979742815762009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808627793423765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258774708711997,0.0,0.1395152390650611,0.0,0.15638293181147034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000960362893347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355407081865233,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sparklebunny95,2019/02/02,"I can't help feeling rejected all the time 
I've been rejected a lot in my life, and I feel like this pain will stick to me forever. 
Nothing very bad happened today, just my friends forgetting I exist. I've been left on read by a friend and my bestfriend/flatmate for some reason doesn't ask me to go out with her. 
I know this sounds lame and it's not a big deal, but apparently it was big enough to make me rage and then burst into tears. 
I know I am the one with a problem, I know I am the one seeing abandonement everywhere. It's not everyone's fault. 
I'm currently locked in my room and don't want to come out because I feel like I don't want to see anybody so I'm just pretending I'm sleeping.",2.164239373601788,3.5204757986577206,3.8243120805369166,89.75960011185684,76.24832214765101,7.651230425055928,25.839485458612977,8.344100000000001,1.4973753914988812,550,20,125,10,12,184,90,149,0.14300000000000002,0.72,0.13699999999999998,-0.2143,2,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,13,1,0,7,0,10,3,1,2,1,32,28,8,0,3,5,0,3,2,2,1,2,1,1,0,5,11,0,1,7,2,0,2,6,9,0,2,3,6,18,4,15,24,4,16,0,4,2,0,6,10,0,2,6,73,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974506788233522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267349586313718,0.10416382006745843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719369077362845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616463217283332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655956305863574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327839470499875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591986177669301,0.24414628251653755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640352176434861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711220597673872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511042069847408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453391728594375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817253101202665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856561982956849,0.0,0.12069407290955005,0.16696179727317753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527182292029028,0.0,0.0,0.1140603960148747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639591805816653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23157865805859004,0.0,0.181823058182022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350430735809235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092125116501375,0.0,0.0,0.1756879694321815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723305193529028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709984138491919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963859244843486,0.0,0.16196952955212912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098977869619655,0.2015730161871803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thekingalquarious,2019/02/02,Does anyone here ever get 20seconds of deep hopelessness followed by it slowly turning into a euphoric mood for 20 minutes? And then normal points in between these mood changes but severe social anxiety but not exactly to talk to people I can do that but I get scared of them or that I’ll disappoint them or make them angry ,6.5020491803278695,7.60987949180328,6.606680327868855,74.85788934426232,65.55737704918033,8.722950819672132,33.2827868852459,8.841846274778883,3.0310295081967213,263,11,42,4,4,84,49,61,0.27399999999999997,0.69,0.036000000000000004,-0.9535,1,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,12,7,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,9,7,0,7,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,2,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385828798308004,0.0,0.0,0.1954708790038712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957314007078484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24463986743572216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528728852840134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921111857975671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660467794116564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739038764933256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380776482742065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642691903112279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798826408150599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31581680719995875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849704219448858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469517136020672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040748217799476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Idontnow125,2019/02/02,"Would you guys overcome your shame in order to get help ? [Trigger Warning] I don't have BPD, but my ex-girlfriend does. She broke up 2 months ago, over whatsapp and came by with another guy (they weren't dating) 30 minutes later to pick up her stuff. I know that she is ashamed of it because she always told me that her ex was a horrible person for breaking up over whatsapp. And she did it even worse by coming by with another guy, so I'm pretty sure she is extremely ashamed of herself.

Here is the thing though. I saved her life 2 times when she tried to commit suicide and for the last 5 years I was always the person she talked with about her problems. She doesn't have any other person in life that helps her. I think she was just at a really good point in her life and I'm glad if it she manages to hold that up, but looking at her past life she will fall back into old patterns in the next few weeks/months.

I told her after the break up that I will always be there for her, if she needs help.

Now I'm wondering, what would you guys do if you feel suicidal ? Would you reach out to the person that you treated shitty or would you be too ashamed of yourself ? I'm worried about her.",3.326543209876544,4.486482168724283,3.8544238683127614,91.47324074074078,72.99176954732509,6.552263374485598,24.61111111111111,6.691623216298621,0.6759037037037037,929,27,201,7,18,292,131,243,0.18100000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.115,-0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,7,1,0,12,11,0,4,8,0,21,4,0,2,2,34,36,13,2,9,7,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,8,13,11,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,8,2,40,5,35,20,1,36,0,1,1,0,46,16,0,5,14,138,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906486715766932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255269341756557,0.0,0.0,0.06954134352185046,0.21446025007774253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863280029959638,0.0,0.062337676325733886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287948105785136,0.0,0.0,0.11695994152412685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808924871125356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948974943021885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754277264086278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051706499524717855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342742598905467,0.0,0.0,0.0857721151886406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050199481154755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563123336295705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056200259628441135,0.0833567913288461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889213566321785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587392556038001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324834683485756,0.0,0.0,0.0758256248453215,0.0,0.0,0.1087562916951131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730626797698546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762019649921454,0.0,0.3571632759762729,0.0,0.0,0.09667019472732652,0.0,0.0,0.10403673434465993,0.0,0.09785046845777384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551135130589589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170649799744648,0.2237150207019129,0.0,0.09638027685415924,0.0,0.0,0.08219393999012951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679380130966533,0.06552505591545693,0.10047142884916432,0.0,0.05962951744261809,0.0,0.0,0.19543053842522126,0.0,0.06942886267722395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089826139840504,0.0,0.1038515422683171,0.1042132301588502,0.2905746126017261,0.0,0.0,0.06585306915823673
bpd,voidcane,2019/02/02,"My therapist's diagnosis is BPD. I don't know how to feel about it. It makes sense, but I still don't know how to feel.

How did you all come to terms with your diagnosis? What were your first steps to accepting it?",0.5493333333333332,2.7325008222222245,2.3422222222222224,94.3,85.22222222222223,7.155555555555559,17.88888888888889,8.238735603445708,0.5233555555555554,167,4,41,4,5,55,31,45,0.0,0.912,0.08800000000000001,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,13,11,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,6,1,6,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534674898389545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101492235243482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641018833369753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062564003307501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957456134689686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033464391689166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875345683032673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180431448994049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bartimaeus47,2019/02/02,"A Story That Might Speak to You: Saint Guinefort Saint Guinefort was a dog. Yes a dog. He is also a Catholic Saint, legend goes his owner was a French knight and the general gist is that upon coming home and seeing his infant son's crib overturned and Guinefort jaws covered in blood, he assumed Guinefort had eaten his son and killed the dog, only to hear the baby's cries and find him behind the cot with the body of a poisonous snake that Guinefort had killed. 

Overcome with remorse he built a shrine to Guinefort but it was not until 600 years later he was recognized as a Saint. Most of you probably know why I'm posting this here. It is so easy, too easy, to jump to the worst conclusion and be urged into decisive (and monstrous) action that we'll regret forever. 

I'm a male sufferer and while I've certainly never badly hurt, much less killed anybody, I have escalated things physically over perceived wrongs. Remember Saint Guinefort. Don't destroy something pure and good in your rage and fear. Peace.  ",6.024945054945058,7.363453513227519,5.750899470899472,79.72608058608058,66.77777777777779,8.143426943426944,30.940577940577946,8.384062270229773,2.38715352055352,810,31,140,11,13,251,123,189,0.17600000000000002,0.662,0.162,-0.4864,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,3,0,1,4,15,6,1,15,1,14,5,3,0,3,30,21,16,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,8,14,1,0,7,0,0,3,3,13,0,0,7,3,9,2,17,11,4,14,6,3,1,0,19,5,0,3,5,84,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405792237020083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677733252753494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952630946131284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142754557132893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930970937963187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781265660014055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606689029690378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744433709556515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981281401533836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763317334116559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818686318832345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5834568691278659,0.0,0.09660960333424988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864854422566672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922589891434189,0.0,0.13558010846189006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369623942845024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835825615361835,0.0,0.18953138477666148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991358360864159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008189451950245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533175363172315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678708497039025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862315993564582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219880212755866,0.0,0.11320301599639852
bpd,borderlinehumanmaybe,2019/02/02,i freak out when my bf doesn’t respond immediately title says it all lmao. so basically my bf is the only person i rly truly like. my limited friends kinda suck and i don’t rly like opening up to many people. my bf is the only one i’m usually around one on one and he is the only one i look forward getting a text from. however when he doesn’t respond to my texts especially at night i start to get anxious. why am i like this ugh i hate it,0.4247368421052649,2.4378885789473728,3.641315789473687,85.87671052631579,84.26315789473685,6.326315789473685,23.184210526315788,7.554174236665415,1.1287684210526314,345,13,75,6,10,125,60,95,0.156,0.6779999999999999,0.166,0.26,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,14,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,4,0,2,12,4,9,14,1,12,0,0,1,0,10,7,1,1,9,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196609108076157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309207976811194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022321604951172,0.0,0.20317287638450496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196841993097016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849794625993761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327992729900154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713079421716992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246798407213505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270280395544017,0.4436392387571729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479963438622514,0.1697767784421203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462582770762834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762504129972794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414726937315987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545110274840015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vinlander96,2019/02/02,"Binary Logic? It seems like everything; the splitting, the emotional instability, the ups and downs, the lack of a sense of self, the disconnect from reality, all comes from a very binary, almost boolean way of understanding the world. Do you guys find it hard to really grasp that things are more complex than true or false, yes or no, black or white? It’s almost like BPD is just the result of trying to understand the  a complex, nuanced, and fluid world with only binary logic. Like trying to answer all the questions of life with only the words “yes” or “no.” Can anyone relate?",6.447749326145548,7.59524266981132,7.125148247978437,70.94990566037738,65.69811320754717,10.208086253369274,27.40700808625337,10.290406445055957,2.9110366576819415,457,13,76,11,7,151,68,106,0.069,0.7759999999999999,0.154,0.8751,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,13,2,4,1,0,1,3,29,8,6,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,11,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,15,8,4,6,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,8,3,51,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785208409396861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215614221834007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380441933291538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628103962904524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126043034452403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986480205267535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274642909416682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714388879160376,0.0,0.0,0.16931065309940355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349926710196458,0.2770137385292305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28749244586594624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172797728526133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108094033810694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720623395156399,0.1971726173136188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556600263113615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566429118615053,0.0,0.0,0.3935201083719705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559482721153667,0.0,0.15002274903915722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lastalaskanfronteir-,2019/02/02,"Really struggling with spending time alone. Anyone else relate to this feel or have advice to cope? Please help Every time Im alone (mostly in my house with nobody else here) I start feeling really mentally off. I would describe it as a mix of extreme disassociation, loneliness, depression, and anxiety. I feel like the rest of the world doesn’t exist, and have an overwhelming sense of dread that I have trouble explaining. It almost feels like I’m holding my breath because I feel like something bad is always going to happen. I start getting really lodged in my negative loop of thoughts that tell me I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, im a failure in life, and I’m constantly convinced that my boyfriend is going to break up with me. I have trouble distracting myself too. Usually going out helps, but I don’t feel like that’s a healthy coping mechanism as it’s just a way for me to avoid being alone and not facing it, and working through these strange thoughts. Does anybody else struggle with this? Is this a common borderline trait? Thanks ",5.968439560439558,7.584488441025642,5.878040293040294,77.72826923076926,67.15384615384616,8.853479853479854,31.87728937728938,9.23628265651192,2.954728937728938,846,35,144,16,14,265,116,195,0.19,0.6920000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.8721,0,4,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,3,17,0,6,8,0,11,3,2,0,0,30,31,9,0,1,6,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,10,0,2,9,0,1,3,6,10,0,0,2,6,16,7,23,27,4,19,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,3,11,88,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545304054897793,0.0,0.0,0.10806102957532897,0.3353013935116819,0.0,0.0,0.08979371330032833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255448509210855,0.0,0.0,0.07545649934288802,0.11057140975400986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010430506548106,0.06578382735604596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661750269618468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294681235055427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443692119500932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704467681676632,0.0,0.0,0.22300955949553816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092282758505958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273896274361459,0.3083772635889698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638100061633181,0.0,0.1839913106489748,0.09051376872068537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542865323697762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466595860771428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451912763764088,0.0,0.0,0.2331328872591659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622337631279222,0.21088677507719686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875268185608992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845798459908342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978809243793793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739884824946248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307804348462157,0.0,0.0,0.15276522489464406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256318460377488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943222442850472,0.09935339904595666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134450779852606,0.12585191210119553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188528463185622,0.0,0.0,0.08565770212623879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856322013492398,0.0,0.0,0.07665953912670502,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unknownmammal17,2019/02/02,Snapchat maps and snap score are the worst things ever invented for people with BPD Even during my first conversation with someone I find myself compulsively checking them if they don’t reply quickly.,18.704411764705892,12.209426500000005,15.022941176470585,47.91323529411767,48.70588235294117,17.129411764705885,54.58823529411765,13.023866798666859,6.975388235294116,167,7,23,3,1,50,33,34,0.11699999999999999,0.883,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124896089497207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268760588898062,0.3680738998940496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37190888236250735,0.3461179166330005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28210054925286737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447739991722637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703332968800013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uhhhhhelpok,2019/02/02,"Boyfriend and other girls I have the worst jealousy and I'm Soo over controlling and toxic. My boyfriend told a girl she was Very cute to be nice to her, he says, but she was obviously flirting with him and that makes me feel so shitty?? Like he shut her down before it went further than that but I hate that he told someone else they're VERY cute? Esp when they're obviously trying to get with him? He told me he receongizes that he should have shut it down sooner but. IDK how to feel. Maybe he wouldn't have shut it down at all if I didn't know about it. ",1.3006231884057975,3.5063905913043487,1.9996739130434769,97.79487318840582,82.21739130434783,5.224637681159421,18.27898550724637,6.42735559955562,-0.34371014492753593,438,10,101,4,12,135,70,115,0.149,0.74,0.111,-0.7894,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,3,3,21,20,11,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,9,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,3,12,5,13,10,2,11,0,0,0,0,19,9,0,1,2,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767667962693294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473720029171721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424600945074066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303920582729667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523126465270468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775311936976854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212116599463788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775238788346683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722266092317693,0.0,0.2215778732397372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539476717355873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868761524007644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6322513487486008,0.0,0.1497428614909217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36396314773301297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445736928691707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nofuckingclue1,2019/02/02,"Do you think I have BPD? I am a 22 year old female and it seems the more time goes on, the harder life gets.  I am consumed by fantasy, sleeping 18hrs a day, drugs, especially Xanax and pot, by means of escaping reality but nothing from the outside looking in looks wrong with my life. I have a loving family, just graduated from a great school with a journalism and psych major, yet I can’t seem to get ahold of my life. I have no clue who I am. None. I know what I like and don’t like in the basics of life, but when it comes to my morals, beliefs and who and what I want to be in life I am so lost. I waver between thinking I am beautiful and disgusting. Never had a boyfriend, yet i never really have tried to get one, but I want one and constantly fantasize about having one. I have also dealt with bouts of extreme depression and social/ death anxiety. 

I went to college in NYC and had to move back home with my parents because I mentally could not handle New York anymore and needed to be with my family. I am just so lost. 

I think is was long-winded and a diagnosis would need more info but the more I do research and look into myself, the more I know that something is wrong and I just want to at least try and fix it to have a happy life. 

Thanks ",5.0053437094682245,4.779139677042803,6.151922178988325,81.47268223086901,68.57198443579767,9.499247730220493,29.19559014267185,9.21078282632365,2.2003159014267184,975,31,207,17,15,328,138,257,0.151,0.738,0.11199999999999999,-0.9145,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,2,11,12,1,0,14,0,26,10,1,0,2,49,51,23,1,7,8,1,0,2,0,1,8,0,1,0,8,22,0,0,10,1,0,3,7,6,0,3,6,3,30,6,31,41,7,22,2,3,3,1,6,7,0,2,14,151,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335671020497794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973950726341074,0.0,0.1033731339937772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015029861508152,0.0,0.0635407025241541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128036250279282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978924268351918,0.0,0.11264102965342268,0.0,0.0832231841554852,0.0,0.0,0.06722296666327372,0.0,0.0897774725415418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087953420826608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652700594135508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337549206981047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491948079941353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096012018721302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455622683685972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456968527897615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417456758905947,0.10184793421134704,0.0,0.0,0.09224471523797197,0.26259350108439683,0.0,0.22756968138324524,0.0,0.0940761778317254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354249755152315,0.0,0.0,0.10504438680834352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078533344729018,0.0,0.15457789754077622,0.16078495118985056,0.10067083470786176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001631576776576,0.0,0.10937712238221653,0.0,0.21189704755135966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574065761785793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677562480083796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549140808153093,0.0,0.18978330022491136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431030025067327,0.10625447928550362,0.0,0.08024521313991195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596560472796062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036878166810287,0.0,0.0,0.060780280125971614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415374768514648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444155154090014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966269105733392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404556966448746,0.22792926904549304,0.0,0.06712393730914071
bpd,sprudelfrisch,2019/02/02,"Need advice on how to deal with my BPD mom Hey everyone,

I'm 19 years old and my mom's BPD has been troubling me for a very long time. I had to witness her going full suicidal and saying she was going to end herself as a child. Her suicidal/depressive episodes were often attributed to my actions. Now I know that that wasn't true and that I'm not to blame, but it left scars.

In fact, I've started showing more and more of her symptoms in the past two years. I don't have a diagnosis yet, my current psychologist suspects Bipolar II but also wants to check me for a personality disorder. My point is that of course, with me not being able to stay as calm as I used to, we get into more and more fights. However, I feel like I at least try to be better and not drag others down with the way I feel. I used to go as far as punching myself in the face so that I wouldn't be hostile towards others, although I'm learning healthier coping mechanisms now. She, however, seems to be utterly unaware of how her illness effects her actions and ability to reason.

She's never really doing anything for us except iron our clothes, which she does to a ridiculous degree, ironing every single piece of clothing when we don't even want her to. Other than that, my brother and I (and my dad when he's home) have to do *everything*. Cleaning the house, shopping groceries, cooking, even bringing her bedclothes upstairs in the morning (she sleeps downstairs on the couch because my dad snores). And then we still often get shat on for it not being enough. E.g. I didn't buy an item she wanted even though I specifically asked her what she wants and she didn't mention it, or the bathroom isn't clean enough, and so on…

We usually just bow to her because it saves us trouble in the long run, but I decided I want to escape this shit. Today, I put my feet on the couch desk which made a candle wobble. Putting my feet there is a long time habit of mine and the candle is relatively new. Whenever I put my feet on the desk, I get shat on. Today, she said that nobody cares about her wishes since I can't even remember not to put my feet on her desk, when really we're doing everything to fulfill her wishes. I listed all of the examples above and told her that I can't understand how she can be so unaware of her illness when she talks about it all the time, and that she should think about the way she's behaving. While this happened, we were in the mids of planning groceries to buy. She just said that we don't have to buy her anything, she may just as well eat dry bread, her life isn't worth living anyways.

Now, for the first time in a situation like this, my brother and I actually didn't buy her anything. We can't just let her win every argument by drawing the suicide card. I feel horrible saying this, and I'm afraid she's actually gonna do it if we pull through with this. I don't think I'd feel guilty if she did, but I just don't want her to die, obviously.

Does anyone of you have any ideas on how I could stop doing everything she commands me to, without having to fear she might kill herself? Oh and moving out is not really an option for now. I'm planning to do it in the future, but am looking for intermediate solutions. Also, me moving out will definitely result in her saying ""You don't care about me, we barely talk"" all the time, regardless of how often I'd call or visit her. I know that from experience on vacations.",6.086155439619456,5.6425226807580176,6.759564216664113,78.75356145465706,66.36151603498541,9.670032223415683,32.33834586466165,9.134995656068208,2.6164320699708457,2693,98,538,42,38,890,300,686,0.122,0.8029999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9896,3,0,0,0,1,1,79.0,12,2,0,6,40,19,5,2,29,0,52,15,7,12,7,111,96,51,4,15,22,6,4,2,0,6,5,5,5,2,29,34,3,1,17,3,7,15,24,9,1,2,14,10,103,10,86,68,14,82,0,0,1,0,80,29,1,11,37,388,132,4,0.06867080493524143,0.0,0.13402559946818685,0.0,0.0,0.06710431581668849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098320357932682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669850217820439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480162234864643,0.0,0.1695306639897658,0.0,0.06419793273718849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372217061831139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073374649145021,0.0,0.0,0.17297694976089514,0.0,0.07012056969515211,0.0,0.1400289246014298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482804994653652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707965845633079,0.059146063666407275,0.0,0.07126945380089032,0.0,0.07870269181531893,0.0,0.12018856832643594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026737713399818,0.0,0.0,0.06082195059785773,0.14191059672270606,0.0,0.18142567603976392,0.0,0.11571622981094384,0.06561789693831763,0.18515067467019447,0.06717322412102653,0.0,0.07727374717234882,0.1388880892083236,0.0490584367668121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584113515974194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076329838871367,0.0,0.11708160289205535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060725366015417975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888241642524215,0.0,0.0,0.07923688897651025,0.0,0.07752098013278275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597407123463921,0.0,0.07547935699142141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461103049020329,0.07022055063566424,0.04850422036273356,0.06709817319003955,0.0,0.0606375788652865,0.1823145042704385,0.057666180961435325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497797602032587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284887207897248,0.0,0.16085283356412425,0.0,0.145972395967053,0.0,0.05091853173487166,0.0529631581868977,0.06632269132132665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205845810677684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655540535742299,0.0,0.05996069811302941,0.0,0.0,0.0649161070295263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761325038540412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319768281739153,0.07060502457983955,0.0,0.0,0.07779063541824484,0.0,0.13064332189902747,0.1638293409863799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251532171798163,0.0,0.0,0.07048959444004205,0.05680519946694956,0.07718886194115042,0.06872039816930256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860554917985717,0.07319394111963516,0.054840593526978766,0.057411867800960414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502294297530035,0.0,0.0,0.07137525990931548,0.0,0.11038998360617602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800295799385806,0.0674687171881542,0.0,0.20021249296862015,0.0,0.13018378722428756,0.06561789693831763,0.0,0.0466229688810062,0.0,0.06708139816351175,0.07148872974359556,0.16520504624778942,0.1186190542481607,0.07563118989792315,0.05666060586005995,0.2430229197000665,0.1090153771894568,0.0,0.0,0.06174330066891497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157936073335926,0.06619620543418403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844349383503343
bpd,antdeathcircle,2019/02/02,"What meds are you on? I’m on 200mg sertraline plus 50mg quetiapine. Quetiapine is an antipsychotic usually indicated for schizophrenia/bipolar. I’ve only been on it a week after I ended up in hospital due to self-harming. It’s very sedating but since then my anxiety, paranoia and intrusive thoughts have almost vanished and I have more mental clarity than i’ve had in a very long time. I’ve found that my impulsive/self-destructive urges are much less strong. 

Just wondering what meds/med combos others w BPD are on?",5.026314432989693,7.2181566185567005,6.291327319587634,71.55286726804127,70.44329896907216,10.62319587628866,32.74355670103093,10.686352973137794,4.225805154639176,420,20,71,14,8,141,73,97,0.051,0.855,0.094,0.6992,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,12,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,1,12,8,3,15,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,8,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181210060736091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663608902251814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743438845271355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292894474782848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388346723684143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276891854214911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24195528333009736,0.0,0.21951710503662636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012697661764858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656662850456754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454479489708902,0.0,0.0,0.18018769673813287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292930010512578,0.12701593623381238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23990426998148395,0.3594580834682741,0.0,0.0,0.17472666343507207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362227148957793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Silverlisk,2019/02/02,"Self Destruction Does anyone else do that thing where they isolate themselves from everything (work, relationships, friendships) and then time passes and they think they’re fine and start to get bored and lonely and then overreach because you forget your limitations? 

I paid out £2,450.. my entire inheritance to do an intensive course to train as a personal trainer.. and after 2 days I had to quit it because I couldn’t sleep, eat and had borderline rage so bad I was in constant pain. Fucking hate BPD. ",7.369666666666667,8.816703522222221,6.5177777777777814,75.05000000000003,63.77777777777778,9.555555555555557,33.888888888888886,9.725611199111238,3.3685555555555564,407,17,67,8,6,124,72,90,0.273,0.7090000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.9766,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,2,3,2,9,4,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,0,12,12,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,8,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,8,0,0,4,0,9,1,9,7,0,11,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,0,7,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532986285583432,0.2246386410801596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830573444836428,0.26729494749483523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761267676332958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23692198001375986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413925140178958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185955657286607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433860401516967,0.18314799042797356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703996165375232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026850675321002,0.11454454084802974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645541382896646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23328822214200395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914330640917528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23319013076711986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235383128906066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287165115148323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193996534589416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551801347246244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456541911241956,0.1404809852792665,0.0,0.0,0.1278413767837802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961029211125471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sssleeping,2019/02/02,"SSRI’s - did they help you? I think they helped me! (For anxiety) I was prescribed the SSRI Lexapro/Escitalopram for Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks and OCD phenomena. I’ve also bern diagnosed with mild depression. Started on 5mg, up to 10mg in the second week, then 15mg. Tapered off them myself and took lower doses irregularly until I didn’t take any at all for about a month.

When I took them, I didn’t like the side effects of nausea, headaches, and worst, the intense fatigue (I suffer from chronic fatigue which was why I tapered off) but my anxiety, and my OCD tendencies especially, decreased significantly when I was on them. I found I just didn’t *care* about my various social worries/expectations as much and was thus able to  function better. Things didn’t feel as big of a deal. 

I think it did help to stabilise my moods and help me be calm and grounded as off them my rumination and anxiety has become worse again.

Have any of you had experiences with this SSRI or other SSRI’s in general and experienced long-term therapeutic benefits, specifically in stabilising moods or alleviating anxiety?

Disclaimer: I have not been diagnosed with BPD.",5.294694835680751,7.675105629107982,6.641901408450702,68.51994131455402,70.17370892018779,9.8037558685446,32.960093896713616,10.125756701596842,3.9476178403755866,941,45,153,27,18,318,128,213,0.138,0.76,0.102,-0.4501,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,6,2,7,14,1,1,6,0,16,6,0,2,1,27,25,20,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,13,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,15,2,28,5,30,9,4,23,0,4,0,0,14,13,0,2,9,109,33,0,0.13353210581895633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678557677959834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161282193582104,0.0,0.5107584772902771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191204768976255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747571979229585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809829622538827,0.0,0.0,0.16817901276600886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614488133076258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376657377242535,0.1150110070753557,0.2710645531549902,0.0,0.0,0.15303936194763534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062002229314407,0.0,0.0,0.06751784489292048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641106173168644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35801502317783845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523704193594597,0.0,0.0,0.11817171163945946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658405289409062,0.0,0.09816146217794863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667115507908874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611916578781674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451471178463412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039952530024264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871279767063417,0.17112396323734325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967181656964422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711140075550908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049195591118085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608062379646968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,solarbabe11,2019/02/02,"I feel so empty and alone. Everything was so good a few months ago and then my therapist abandoned me. She won’t return my calls, texts or emails. My psychiatrist doesn’t like to talk to me about bpd. I asked him about treatment and he rolled his eyes and told me to google it. A family member i was so close to just completely left my family and I feel so terrible seeing them so sad, and I’ve been home alone crying for the past few week and every time I reach out to my friends they’re busy or they don’t really know what to say and I’ve been so close to them for years and I just think they’re leaving too. I can’t put into words how alone and terrible I feel, and I’ve been dissociating so much and having panic attacks constantly and I thought I reached my breaking point the other night but tonight is just so much worse. I don’t know what I did to deserve this and i don’t know when this will end. ",2.6525964912280706,4.021112400000003,3.696315789473687,91.12254385964916,75.0,7.382456140350878,22.14035087719298,8.021203637495839,0.7865508771929823,716,18,163,11,15,231,105,190,0.146,0.807,0.046,-0.9453,0,3,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,16,9,1,1,4,0,15,1,1,1,0,35,26,28,0,0,6,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,6,18,0,1,8,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,8,6,28,3,14,16,4,21,0,2,2,0,14,6,0,2,14,103,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249031255249712,0.0,0.0,0.43780295906975947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172646317346093,0.16029893826260214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746398389349474,0.0,0.14387900432033554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773543663586808,0.1522674487719853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547767141373839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479935247082598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187179168771984,0.0,0.1266356640502675,0.0,0.26566399385339473,0.0,0.21373628388349825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886228236802256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818380880391803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133846221628404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323118903171651,0.0,0.0,0.14919726722089147,0.15309289164241952,0.0,0.0,0.06883870447906364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124684366676412,0.0,0.2071616886840259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222910364692045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532079053296755,0.0,0.0,0.13450906058560186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320007074053078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416477001246734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026687753000268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120527236732112,0.0,0.0,0.11228245292359516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325350747466086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360070698686918,0.0,0.09028576085767316,0.0,0.11186224391866814,0.08216240759609465,0.0,0.0,0.13464005951640542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302489880192215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359347954570892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073772422927218
bpd,Stonersocks,2019/02/02,"FP becoming increasingly distant Whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy!? 😭😖 feel like I can't understand without asking but also don't want to push. Ugh. Sometimes you just know something is off and it's hard when you feel like you can't fix. 

BRB joining a club.. As much as I hate making friends I can't have another FP it's so taxing.. Too many eggs, not enough baskets.  🙄😂",0.7699487836107544,3.30028481690141,3.2145966709347005,83.51180537772088,95.19718309859155,5.398719590268887,23.35595390524968,6.980632752743323,1.1798338028169009,286,12,56,5,11,98,56,71,0.16399999999999998,0.711,0.125,-0.4263,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,6,5,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,11,14,7,0,1,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,1,1,2,6,2,0,0,0,3,6,3,5,14,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094145971384505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25036746212055144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321441825084207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636988070740173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467095897056757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414550026207332,0.34114962760650586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447038235770932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388785851482625,0.23573245704978024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121980757355464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23329847326427855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937847270924288,0.24207172459771376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552082819750076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381409360212966,0.2361461439723989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485643157161137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083065017203109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301623565807629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cbwaring,2019/02/02,"Evil Side I am usually a super nice person and I used to really like people but over the past years I just seem to see the worst in people when I get into my “moods” (yk the “fuck the world” mindset). I completely flip moods and am in a constant state of anger, I lash out on whoever’s near me and everything that happens after is all bad. I just feel like this evil side is starting to take over and suppress any positive thoughts or outlooks I have. 
",8.1639010989011,5.642695252747259,8.194587912087915,76.8316620879121,63.50549450549451,11.737362637362635,35.936813186813175,10.125756701596842,3.2917670329670337,352,12,73,6,4,115,65,91,0.265,0.605,0.13,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,4,0,6,0,5,1,0,1,1,16,15,7,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,10,4,13,14,2,19,0,0,1,1,1,11,1,2,9,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300061531959426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013506224690755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513153323178733,0.2590248173405101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542214054255387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211968422195224,0.17123794140318302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159388754096224,0.12523058759170572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196123139556566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23420544571345586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22881571294336495,0.3323482488752424,0.20929216637654552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535545624010542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100564233285836,0.2182090523599148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696571421933378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802205838475205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029081745318854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070192611027977,0.2639898479756461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543555279472511
bpd,Reaper_of_Souls,2019/02/02,"I feel like I've compartmentalized all my anger into a separate ""self"", and it's causing me problems. My brain is broken. There's no doubt about it. The only question I have at this point is if it's beyond repair.

Five years ago is when I lost myself. I don't want to get into that story right now... but basically, that's when these ""people"" sort of disappeared.

And as much as I've tried to work on developing an integrated sense of self (in large part thanks to the help I've received on Reddit) there's still remnants of those other characters in my head, hibernating until something triggers one of them to come out.

I was never willing to admit I was this weird, until I was in the hospital last week and talked to a guy who said he struggled with this. And that's when I realized... THAT'S IT.

Ever since I was a kid, I had this ""dream world"" that I lived in. It eventually became more pleasant and safe than my reality, so my mind just... stayed there. And my actual life got significantly worse as I got older... I really don't want to talk about it.

But there were several worlds. I had several characters, which all served whatever need I had. As a kid, it was the one with a lot of friends. Then there was the one with the steady girlfriend. Then in college, the one with the visibly fucked up past, who ultimately turned into ""me"".

I'm noticing now that these ""sides"" of me were always there, but it never occurred to me that this may be a dissociative thing. NOT dissociative identity... these people are all ME, so it's more like... my psyche has been fragmented into all these different ""people"".

But there's one I can't seem to get rid of. ""Angry Reaper"".

Sometimes an innocuous remark can trigger the everloving fuck out of me. And he comes out.

I've recently began to wonder if this guy only comes out around people he has control over, in order to intimidate them, because he's a piece of shit abuser who MUST BE SHUNNED. Because ""I"" know the consequences. Maybe ""he"" does too?

I feel it's important to stipulate that I'm NOT trying to avoid accountability for my actions. I know how ""I"" will be seen and that this was too complicated for ME to understand, I absolutely don't expect anyone else to. There's no way I won't be seen as a jackass.

So once it's over, I work extra hard to NOT be a jackass. And then I worry that people think I'm perpetuating the ""cycle of abuse"" that you often hear about. I worry that the people who do that... might actually be like ME.",3.543855650522313,5.2233275102880725,5.051893004115229,81.03839031339034,73.2798353909465,8.194491927825261,25.01297879075657,8.841846274778883,1.81902190566635,1934,61,382,39,39,650,229,486,0.159,0.7759999999999999,0.065,-0.9924,1,1,1,0,2,0,93.0,0,1,2,4,28,17,4,3,23,0,38,6,3,5,8,73,70,32,1,8,10,0,3,3,2,6,1,2,0,6,43,25,0,3,11,1,1,6,12,10,0,6,20,7,45,7,65,38,11,58,0,1,2,2,28,27,3,11,25,279,88,4,0.0,0.2024878405124436,0.16677315955008828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574600225864847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110099464574794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059748416215079814,0.0875533144129803,0.0,0.07606834833247987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417868656294732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539012378832662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778037888463079,0.0,0.22082204788406887,0.0,0.0,0.09583910315506647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927674821913753,0.0,0.0,0.0747776072673311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138225869307988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729414466467993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641187039288235,0.06104528190624891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660182253364133,0.15799373927054478,0.08928788164792516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668386023990645,0.0,0.0,0.16921727241637993,0.0,0.0,0.07654614610584702,0.0,0.08769604322168217,0.0,0.09630802085811913,0.0,0.05727513191255604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392183953078563,0.06965290935263803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060355649320015976,0.12523921982827718,0.0,0.07545364956365598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327844029991116,0.0726462782213618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584570767862458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064862693752967,0.08627983683099788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281536059651488,0.06335986894124404,0.1318081510641058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728504845632248,0.0,0.09100114046023576,0.2895146368591518,0.1299766929176151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253369680300393,0.08157140635274772,0.3554403722222082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077758516256878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176382153092689,0.0,0.0,0.09572321875374164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474126512472079,0.0,0.08437126885016982,0.0,0.0,0.07297357589777867,0.08128223135607664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779019653385545,0.17828534349931807,0.19306767473969405,0.08771288788721718,0.07068487387161344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578335284144769,0.08451193707000736,0.0,0.0,0.09107800949132976,0.06824023985259105,0.0,0.0,0.08933057831890298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736246225896834,0.0,0.07867060213866435,0.0,0.0,0.05676898297525956,0.054752716692280566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602947285807855,0.09294473481072706,0.0,0.08895615001066852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080089257149184,0.06782599356231886,0.06854259414206829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926665533234746,0.12441679687492155,0.17355663394503842,0.08708054326328253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055026804457675375
bpd,LoudMatter,2019/02/02,"Mood swings feel like I'm getting hit by a train I'll just be going through my day, normally, a lot of times in a pretty good mood and then it drops SO FAST that I can feel a physical impact in my chest and stomach. Like I'm happy and hopeful and then BOOM empty, ashamed, disgusted, devastated but I don't even know why I'm devastated it's just the feeling. Sometimes it goes away within a few seconds and sometimes it'll last for days. I just don't get it. I have a lot of skills for handling bpd to the point where I sometimes question if I even have it anymore but oof. It happens on the flip side too, I'll be having a bad day and then it's like getting struck by lightning all of the sudden I'm so excited for no reason and start reinventing my identity and even colors seem brighter like the world just drastically improves. Same thing, usually goes away within a few minutes to a few days.

It's exhausting.",3.597050691244238,4.922582591397852,4.690353302611367,85.09838709677422,72.54838709677419,7.679877112135178,29.414746543778804,8.192908349453996,1.9807262672811063,726,30,148,11,14,238,102,186,0.139,0.701,0.16,0.3024,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,11,14,1,1,14,0,9,3,2,1,1,28,26,16,0,3,7,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,5,9,8,18,22,7,26,0,0,1,0,1,11,0,6,17,94,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701034944712875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25959800694184443,0.0,0.1153517286253486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399848149264918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563882334828798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27374565378507515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095624589264827,0.09869631200721064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653724130032487,0.0,0.0785153595786533,0.11587592489324886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216797081199005,0.1470661114178915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721679715228802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592510747069456,0.11261288438696218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699777111837365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490495964977126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536030726426132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130598950474792,0.0,0.0,0.14055095631659634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547626347104585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204397845637762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257690237224003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40990963997209584,0.0,0.09778518769237037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178251096723504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055794671036133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215567408156286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466131781730902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IEatBugsAsSnack,2019/02/02,"What to do against crippling lonlieness I've been living on my own for almost 6 years now. But recently I started feeling lonelier and lonlier. Usually I've been jumping from one toxic relationship (and so forcing people to spend time with me) to the next but thanks to finally working on some Trauma from a few years back I am unable to trust people enough to even kiss me.
I tried it with pets but thanks to the episodes I am prone to I always end up to neglecting them until I can't take watching them anymore.
I don't have close friends because I can get pretty obsessive when a friendship gets intense and that usually drives the people away rather quickly. 

Recently the lonlieness feels suffocating. I feel like I can't take it for much longer and every night ends with me crying and usually cutting myself. Not because I hate myself or my depression takes away my emotions but because I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like a fucking parrot plucking it's feathers.",6.350161290322582,7.295512026881719,6.378655913978496,76.93798387096777,65.82795698924731,8.995698924731181,35.39247311827957,9.075114841892004,3.2581053763440853,791,37,136,13,12,251,114,186,0.124,0.695,0.18100000000000002,0.9121,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,1,8,14,3,1,7,0,11,2,0,1,0,26,26,14,0,1,7,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,5,0,1,2,5,7,0,1,2,5,23,7,25,24,5,27,0,2,1,2,5,6,1,3,21,97,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057484287351737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001921128714528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194159703494048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626135926829816,0.0925891023434646,0.0,0.2202054157242104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322665092319441,0.0,0.1241390917959764,0.10371035088972563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354468642651469,0.2132979085093033,0.12441739034478835,0.0,0.07953073863297612,0.0,0.10145198220642716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24353492985501524,0.1720441691566777,0.0,0.13190504279594156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302971804311454,0.11131860135604993,0.12582020210397762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888154473722845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617507669371059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765406950574304,0.0,0.10632566550314733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851639460606907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805912270564532,0.11299814740040914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159402922182474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504347658580077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250190514666184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778389413148496,0.12927701587332896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522796358963519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716036559325428,0.0,0.0,0.221717681684038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702129832862421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175158518480022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978491596716029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766109263101735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550822694013742
bpd,TheReaver23,2019/02/02,"In need of advice Hello, Ive never posted anywhere on reddit before, but this issue has been pressing on me very hard and I wanted everyones opinion. I am currently together with a girl who has BPD, and has made it clear about her disorder. We've been together on and off(we separated twice and she came back to me) for going on 7 years now. I thought I knew how to cope with her symptoms, but recently something has gotten me stumped.

Recently, she asked me to give her a little space to deal with her mental health and stability, which I obliged. I know that being in a relationship can be overwhelming, so I stepped back. I made sure to continue speaking with her everyday, reassuring her that I still love her and Im not going anywhere(which I wholeheartedly stand by)

After a week or so, she started to pull away. Talks were shorter, texts became one to two words, she stop I brought up how I was feeling, and we talked a little about it, but it eventually just led to more about my emotional issues with the separation. She eventually asked to not be called boyfriend and girlfriend, but assured me she was still in love and that there was no one else.

Am I just being overly sensitive? I feel like shes not telling me something, but I don't want to confront her if it is just myself being insecure about the break. Thank you for any advice you can provide <3",5.381839080459773,6.579224521072803,5.888754789272032,78.66922413793105,68.15708812260536,9.018390804597699,30.975095785440608,9.2995712137729,2.72484061302682,1084,43,201,21,18,350,151,261,0.06,0.804,0.13699999999999998,0.9714,1,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,1,2,0,0,17,10,1,2,7,0,23,4,0,5,4,49,45,20,0,4,13,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,10,16,0,1,5,0,0,7,6,3,0,4,13,5,42,7,34,27,1,39,0,1,0,2,35,13,0,3,17,153,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327507254770428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098667074082025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226699614898837,0.0,0.11189089143679527,0.18314885461743027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133855412234344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999225481128353,0.0,0.12160628767897627,0.13620956677524945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277866347240768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648979498615188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948611749560296,0.13396251515465307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137975473767742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043302703385204,0.08507937685734852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424393613013872,0.13536550111810533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668307538523082,0.0,0.0,0.12658926905739934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863983902134726,0.2486022964346915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544987041625197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818235495771967,0.2387230204809091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497043073304425,0.22537553471336574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001676512979545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830523832395475,0.0918511226999956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139969626407275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140572538180998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351780433895077,0.12786028153577186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336574072777076,0.0,0.0,0.0842939585639018,0.0,0.19021411326008245,0.09956627766065672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224283788886444,0.12378222863032448,0.0,0.19144334054402606,0.10409169176952844,0.10964394950668246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454577670069916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633561789992047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826340496431976,0.14048714100162366,0.0,0.09552845061391006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669136889072098
bpd,Questinside,2019/02/02,"ASMR and BPD Happy Friday, everyone!
I wanted to start a discussion on ASMR.
I first experienced ASMR (it had no name back then, and YouTube didn’t exist yet) when I was in grade school. Sometimes my teacher would do things at the front of the classroom that would give me those “tingles” and I’d feel my eyelids drooping almost instantly. As time went on, I found VHS movies we owned that gave me that same reaction. I’d watch them every night I could to sleep or relax (Edward Scissorhands was the best). Fast forward to college. I was stressed out from exams and dating, so I searched back massage or salt sound videos on YouTube. Maria Gentle Whispering came up on my sidebar and I finally started to find that I wasn’t the only person in the world that experienced this! This was about 8 years ago. Since then, I’ve learned my triggers and I watch them basically every night to sleep. ASMR has transformed my life by helping me to sleep and also to relax me when I’m in high stress situations. I’m wondering if anyone has researched the connection between BPD and ASMR. There HAS to be some sort of link. I know that ASMR has also helped me to deal with my PTSD. I would love to hear about all of your experiences with this phenomenon. And, if you haven’t tried it (I know some of the videos might appear odd, but there are thousands of triggers out there), I highly recommend you do. 
Let me know your thoughts!",3.926987004652657,5.988589653136533,4.070900048130916,86.86236804107172,73.13284132841328,6.927065618482271,26.54275629712819,7.7425588080867325,1.4620632440237449,1120,40,217,15,23,346,156,271,0.026000000000000002,0.909,0.065,0.8783,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,4,2,2,13,7,0,2,8,0,22,6,3,2,1,46,41,22,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,0,1,13,15,0,0,10,4,0,5,4,2,0,2,12,9,33,5,34,22,6,37,0,0,2,1,17,15,0,11,19,146,46,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035133391380972,0.0,0.113360637319791,0.0,0.0,0.18106348076159848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915709196040335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409866602990692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188039503411423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851609586312656,0.0,0.0,0.1294788543756779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038672091425573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167116309415714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076386228163428,0.10817431120252287,0.0,0.11073834410412976,0.0,0.0,0.057240951346200525,0.0,0.0,0.1240129313933896,0.10346931095375622,0.09629396887557777,0.0,0.12412582887413486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859864192877204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051114743742795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759271871153807,0.0,0.15176077195171472,0.23921920085914786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664711534945028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157620108491946,0.07996157866940337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021738992162271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009492724875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124745378055891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609916116397448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988481423550736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233313447523262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145717092883996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364614856272377,0.1272496127213531,0.3398668084950368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196479502186343,0.0,0.1602572483569208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593568827883303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520981961588871,0.0,0.0,0.08987385499481386,0.06601201663436221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686024362622329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677252744448882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494418937975128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276835684940846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412573962934579,0.0,0.0,0.07290171182217879
bpd,nosl_2,2019/04/02,"Completely dissociated I’m sitting on my couch unable to grasp anything and feeling like I’m just floating on some abyss. 
I rooms. Hot bath which usually helps but it didn’t. 

I start my new job tomorrow which I worked really hard to get but I’m completely not even here. This new job could be a stress trigger and this is how I’m dealing with it. 

It feels like I’m in a first person movie and it’s just fucked. Excuse my language. 

I yelled at my boyfriend and told him to leave me alone. He knows about my BPD and was nice and sent me a message that’s he’s give me space. Which pisses me off. Idk why he could love someone insane like me. It’s completely unknown to me. I can hardly deal with myself why does he want too. 

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt this strange in so long. 
I wanna like pack a bag and run away. I wanna go back to the psych ward and get help. Even though it doesn’t help as much as I dream it does. 

I even search a woman’s home to go stay in. They want 2,000 a month. That’s ridiculous. 


I’m just fucking lost and wanna self destruct. I wanna scream but nothing will make this better. 

I have no therapist anymore. I have no one to call. My sister called me earlier but it was only to talk about herself and she didn’t ask me how I was but that’s no surprise. 


Just ranting and feel like a pair of eyeballs and hands. That is all ",0.1407107843137254,2.3473714861111112,1.7260294117647064,97.77485294117649,87.61111111111109,4.638235294117648,18.54003267973856,6.068283710208149,-0.3297940359477125,1060,29,245,9,34,342,154,288,0.158,0.687,0.155,-0.4795,2,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,4,16,17,5,1,8,0,18,5,2,4,1,45,46,23,0,8,10,1,8,5,0,1,0,2,4,3,20,14,0,0,7,2,0,4,9,8,0,2,9,10,34,9,28,33,3,25,0,1,0,3,27,10,3,1,14,148,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496655344724796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051054832117884,0.0,0.0,0.0834012376972637,0.0,0.09474723194991602,0.0,0.09522031775737792,0.07793079449823988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963457420926353,0.0,0.0,0.1276449761091034,0.0,0.2069764429507325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187861423955884,0.0,0.0,0.1618371727610735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897185105139385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738163326179196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008193240401525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373464661049882,0.21721031609260175,0.09731052083074172,0.0,0.0,0.0862070419146516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739023981307984,0.10590088969130383,0.09722278337830864,0.11519745588168548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157682376235668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379543051464327,0.0,0.10166087922224493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011456348769229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139704721603956,0.0,0.0,0.10731350210972193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475689600737574,0.0,0.0,0.08969029524496848,0.0,0.0,0.1106339363692062,0.0,0.09147104138679453,0.0,0.06765095749610713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089546169596339,0.0,0.07450286030619005,0.0,0.0,0.19576616100363284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972466863536076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867641399072523,0.07708015446813263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849366217524855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492648915554362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572866186895498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085872314518871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717350395229979,0.10802409082206033,0.0,0.0,0.1160944445766714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146014159442727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767350127394967,0.0,0.0,0.09957445550402133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684290188489236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116211314972086,0.0,0.11955602493842553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182902641425546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378296605552072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leighster56,2019/04/02,"Dissociation!? What does it feel like for you?? Recently diagnosed with BPD or EUPD dependant on which doctor you talk to - I seldom diagnosed years ago, but finally I have a formal diagnosis. 

I've come across some mentions of dissociation recently during research and on this sub. Some are relatable others not so much. I was just looking for some more info/explanation of others experiences so as to understand myself more. 

TIA ",4.703543543543546,8.093019324324324,6.592342342342343,62.4434984984985,78.72972972972974,10.315915915915916,29.843843843843842,9.994966539143718,4.538133933933935,346,16,49,13,9,119,58,74,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.8615,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,13,7,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,11,6,6,9,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,5,6,40,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074140040385086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852159903789147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950735608062313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45970031404741496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317894132292316,0.1981749683690971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151942985590356,0.0,0.0,0.11450399596635273,0.16178167840546462,0.0,0.24807372802315966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063596592185647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901677297122016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647272564906268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447200014728146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201840502835284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357508197818816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458315614976419
bpd,amypoehlerbear10,2019/04/02,"I just started dating someone with BPD. Looking for advice I’ve read back on some dating posts in this sub already, just wanted to share my situation. I (25f) am slowly starting to date a girl (22) with BPD and ADHD. She’s been in therapy for a long time and is very aware of her mental illness. I’m doing my best to be aware and understand it as well, as I want to be a good partner! I have depression and anxiety so I’m not new to mental health problems, but BPD is new to me. Does anyone have any advice on how to be a better partner? So far what I’ve seen is lots of patience, boundaries, and validation. I feel like I’m doing a good job thus far and also ordered a book (loving someone with BPD) to hopefully understand better!",4.038120805369125,4.70686224161074,5.743147651006713,80.42559395973156,70.87919463087249,8.10765100671141,28.993959731543626,8.238735603445708,2.025206174496644,570,21,112,8,10,196,90,149,0.048,0.77,0.18100000000000002,0.9656,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,8,12,0,0,6,0,12,3,0,2,0,24,26,13,0,4,4,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,3,9,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,10,10,21,21,3,18,0,1,2,1,7,6,0,3,11,71,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790925447204708,0.22426808371911472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663136426314645,0.0917669001559199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803509706192567,0.0,0.08778474322618691,0.0,0.0,0.08023706297933841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882369809507923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042483888221725,0.20297712266269266,0.0,0.0,0.5781030411877901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883547873604193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004199937644333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058021911927484786,0.08197864377310372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924965781499223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197570053849988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397433910815052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387336461307945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606188864025753,0.0,0.0,0.10155165135882148,0.09636253452720926,0.0,0.0,0.09755779935453407,0.10356789749625886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312854653806965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165583105504502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099004168327412,0.0,0.0,0.10980188786916456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478276235117968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128985728721907,0.0,0.0,0.194457501150542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244370037926556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122857984809946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691264427366751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892115182139484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468217762112614,0.13536706205763838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317556743546297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dinoboyj,2019/04/02,"""We're taking a step back"" Bf sorta broke up with me. Said ""he do love me"" and that he still wants us to be in each other's lives. I cried alone in my room and now numb again, the best kind of feeling",1.8746666666666696,1.9568773555555552,3.108888888888892,99.49000000000002,75.44444444444444,6.0,17.22222222222222,3.1291,-1.0581111111111112,151,1,41,0,3,49,41,45,0.17800000000000002,0.637,0.185,0.3384,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,3,6,5,2,9,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,4,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150225829937655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388364551694746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192017680690049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341103064614775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379465769608866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31674041227528804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26858273414988915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745202426912029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28932999346839194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429060794891135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286937720078156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658723175208401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794040413430251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kpasty,2019/04/02,"Back to Back I dated a guy from June '18 to December 18', and uncharacteristically i jumped into another relationship starting in January '19. First guy was a roller coaster and i was dumb to stay as long as i did. but long story short, his final reasoning was that he didn't see himself ever loving me. Okay, whatever. I didn't TOTALLY spiral after that, considering it was definitely a long time coming. Second guy comes along, over all amazing. Everything i could ask for. And we're a few month in to this when the other day he tells me pretty much the same thing..we talked, for a long time, still slept in his bed, still had sex. But i am still just as lost as when the words first came out of his mouth.. I'm just so numb right now that I'm afraid for when the emotions do hit. im not sure i've ever felt this broken, unwanted, unloved, disposable.. it just f-ing SUCKS.",2.8039655172413798,4.6610887068965505,4.328252873563219,84.69203448275864,75.72413793103449,7.628505747126438,22.51954022988506,8.447377352677275,1.2578533333333335,681,19,142,13,15,227,112,174,0.145,0.745,0.11,-0.6656,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,3,15,10,2,1,9,1,11,5,2,1,5,26,25,13,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,8,9,0,0,2,1,0,4,3,6,0,3,12,2,13,4,21,11,5,39,0,1,1,2,14,8,2,0,26,91,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336358063225714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889993138303648,0.0,0.0,0.1955933894377893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454646871533776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191156192176325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015461261532576,0.0,0.0,0.08202319969434996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430649536489984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009053487707198,0.0,0.0,0.11430483597206008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211664669780348,0.1393239255559968,0.0,0.2163653999687262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777966580421564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738061416477082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450215578054594,0.0,0.0,0.13883643006992882,0.0,0.11478858348256367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151710658875483,0.0,0.093494921127918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939191672546446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076640041054655,0.0,0.13654808757767425,0.0,0.1086144958525238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013492325422444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002153521015259,0.1355612899936467,0.3047080737345406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986947528914525,0.0,0.0,0.1022257331079573,0.11116447792176408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449544085047389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148324101172845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SleepySheep98,2019/04/02,Retrospective jealousy is a nightmare My partner is very jealous of my previous relationships even though I don't have any contact with these people. He says he wants to be better than them in every way which turned into an obsession. He's in therapy (diagnosed with BPD a few months ago) but still can't get over the thing that he's not the only partner I had (we're together for more than half a year now). Is there any way I could help nim?,4.796856060606056,5.768101943181819,5.550454545454548,81.39151515151516,69.3409090909091,9.048484848484847,29.43939393939393,9.2995712137729,2.431357575757576,353,13,70,7,6,115,69,88,0.066,0.868,0.066,0.2508,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,1,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,7,12,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,6,1,11,9,2,11,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,5,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568549056213047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30024117694675123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523936182571355,0.0,0.0,0.278032487972975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625445654364622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240611086825122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580622493702328,0.0,0.18599513587019306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533508304415326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796704711950093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620408704394866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789369839200227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304333238688625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370076523820708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555279028170853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629478009985725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524519398712197,0.0,0.1466594401153167,0.0,0.2168901154297988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011743833685426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214553140293585,0.13020668763875792,0.3504491967189158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421586209605825
bpd,nice_purple_dick,2019/04/02,"Any one else gets shaky (physically) after talking to people ? Not sure if this is the right sub for this, sorry. 

This happens with family members, strangers and people I know and see every day. It happens with people I like, and people I don’t really like. Does anyone experience that? 

",4.149807692307693,6.795928211538468,5.258307692307696,75.88669230769231,74.57692307692308,7.236923076923077,23.861538461538462,8.238735603445708,1.834456923076924,225,7,36,4,5,74,40,52,0.10400000000000001,0.802,0.09300000000000001,0.2785,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,3,5,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255706349839214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465796867400958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519540655414305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834505237588692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512077776868906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662414372524055,0.0,0.0,0.20506048651989367,0.19762255212715765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952415604228527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37075406941267824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520835771544237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048313776655348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205218302264042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5813302032706132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429573538575154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790247268964653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704969750702076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234666050332365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757583836691156,0.0,0.0,0.16849439669905494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ycantieverbenormal,2019/04/02,"I have to end my relationship because everything is too good Nothing can possibly be this good. There is no way this can be real. I know he is only spending all of this time with me because he is secretly conspiring to destroy me. There is absolutely no way he can possibly love me because I am a terrible person. I have to end it, I have to break him before he breaks me. The story of my fucking life. ",3.6366666666666654,4.873632851851851,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,72.33333333333334,9.350617283950617,32.01851851851852,9.725611199111238,3.2325703703703703,315,15,61,8,6,111,47,81,0.124,0.764,0.11199999999999999,-0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,14,3,0,0,1,5,17,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,12,3,7,15,1,7,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,0,3,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35898392702451765,0.0,0.16703495875415555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477231500912966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641979363537136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147414101622406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292905409640857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788013012545104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865093220017666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716641677908093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883530208435464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929331255945022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713996560829654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425925212017165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234298567039596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107503608827736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446281820684046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116240928817233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,6547890,2019/04/02,"Social media is a big source of anxiety for me. Should I just delete it? I don’t want to “disappear” which is why I keep it but having it makes me super critical about where I’m at in life.

Anyone here delete all their socials? How did/do you feel?",1.1607692307692297,3.0644843076923074,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,80.92307692307693,6.467692307692308,18.09230769230769,7.554174236665415,0.2738800000000001,192,4,43,3,5,64,43,52,0.109,0.758,0.133,0.509,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,1,9,10,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,6,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26421781156582297,0.0,0.0,0.2415005205659217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463652599455076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069931650615273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439549305777127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305464992661909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7041509773352719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037164294187669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116553353263734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jinjibells,2019/04/02,"any songs that you relate to? songs help me vent out, so i’m looking for songs that you feel relate to your BPD or its symptoms.
here’s a spotify playlist i found, and i like most of the songs on here, so check it out if you’re also looking for songs :)
[BPD playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/1254290794/playlist/7ElUmjgluWt6JsGTxSILXh?si=ekwqZBSETdSv9VN5JancmA)",7.433999999999997,11.031713066666667,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,68.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,25.0,7.793537801064563,1.3075,304,9,50,4,6,78,43,60,0.0,0.8490000000000001,0.151,0.8205,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,8,4,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,3,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770055496278085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512430852618025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6857230258318495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764660683921096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984838435387622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246862446530074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299680220764604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572057508437105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28294902449259857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Eucalyptus-Yeet,2019/04/02,"I need advice on how to show my FP how much she means to me M 23 here, I have been struggling for an extremely long time and ever since she came into my life I have been able to take a step back and look at who I really am. She accepts me for me, no matter what comes out of my mouth and she wants nothing but the best for me. I’ve messed up a few times recently and she has been so very patient, so I want to repay her. ",0.5792553191489347,1.8227468723404283,2.6754787234042574,96.80875,80.27659574468085,5.976595744680853,18.132978723404253,6.6274283507984215,-0.31752765957446805,322,6,82,3,8,109,66,94,0.11800000000000001,0.825,0.057,-0.7727,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,4,0,7,2,1,2,1,18,15,9,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,4,1,18,2,13,11,3,14,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,6,60,20,0,0.23026072263688346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22500811322330566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705628256158631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416444224497451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633569245401618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983492238739159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828400630021746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263995801700587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037734936512665,0.1933610143700976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508214301954944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926812527642215,0.1707354082122266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094137353612106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751091508396386,0.0,0.2273546847433619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047404921388267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240718502262936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731274071224306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685337581544942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899892110291188,0.27162748012168697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,altstoast,2019/04/02,"""If we break up, you could just go back to fucking your ex again."" My fiance said this to me after i got the courage to tell him that, when we broke up for about 2 months, I slept with my ex. I didnt tell him this when we got back together becausr he never slept around and that made me feel like shit. 

But we talked about it and he said he can't be mad because we were together but he was disappointed, which is reasonable. But my over analyzing everything got to me. We were talking about what we'd do if one of us died or broke up that same day, what we'd want each other to do if something happened. 

Well he said that statement, and i ended up having a panic attack. He didn't know what was happening really as it was dark and he told me i shouldn't be crying and so on. I counldnt say anything and he just told me to stop being a drama queen which made it worse. He ended up rralizing that something was actually wrong and pulled over.


 He helped me calm down and what not and in his defense he didnt know i was having a panic attack. I told him he was very insensitive sometimes, He apologized and said he meant it as a joke...but in my head i clung on to every word. It still sticks to me after we talked about it but i still feel so hurt by the words, even though i know it was a joke....


I love him dearly and He's really not a bad guy at all even though it probably comes off as that but he just doesnt understand the bpd thing and why i break down sometimes and doesn't know how to handle it...

What can i do to help him understand that this isn't something i can control easily. This is the first time ever I've completely broke down in front of him and it made me feel like shit that he had to see me like that. I don't want him to see that side of me or at least i want him to understand what is going on but he doesn't get it.",3.5441984732824423,3.682008284987276,4.682784732824427,89.48836030534352,71.74809160305344,8.22184223918575,23.862493638676845,8.109356740369918,0.9325951959287532,1428,32,338,19,25,471,166,393,0.145,0.7390000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.9648,0,0,3,0,0,0,35.0,10,2,0,3,24,25,7,2,10,0,36,7,5,6,3,72,75,35,1,8,16,2,3,3,0,1,0,5,0,1,35,25,0,3,13,2,0,5,13,16,1,2,29,10,52,9,48,39,4,46,0,5,2,2,59,21,3,5,21,232,87,0,0.0,0.0,0.07981305475624073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730435688687852,0.07280844552031872,0.0,0.18609076624957446,0.0,0.12577947642519488,0.06828936248658214,0.04985705875881366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300881934209044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045291239390795,0.08575290923245653,0.0,0.09173192627086947,0.0653008704296008,0.0,0.08984001280230802,0.05274633842140114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488278121834514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487935715894198,0.0,0.0,0.10804008691926624,0.07398171045150803,0.06890971443316568,0.0,0.07350556408250357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406304519016315,0.11685838274066608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956862602263478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561146528351265,0.04273072841133218,0.0,0.09296373647672834,0.0,0.19623942697467894,0.0,0.0,0.08098274006144228,0.14464929034790114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393783650127014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964122168914864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755548758231739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979365364307467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119872103361825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381664570324764,0.23216866532834135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528220893168547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307976179487547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542150218106941,0.0,0.0,0.19192062605471885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818103732174892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479066541910866,0.08409143798225002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31119555206285177,0.06504090867570171,0.0,0.0,0.13034850964953865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679079185800978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888926379957448,0.16178036991374847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063161997115186,0.06837822873597774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721370785269068,0.14297221261178486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433615287836156,0.0,0.16071211591333825,0.0,0.04769109999162796,0.0,0.0,0.23445512598078394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554318245523254,0.09838060381376544,0.0,0.0,0.06748346668061979,0.14472161791484436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353701765443503,0.0,0.07380073122381013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334871374297087,0.0,0.08942207520710661,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChristopherEvs617,2019/04/02,"Dating Someone w/ BPD I’ve read a lot of the posts on this thread and they’ve made me feel so much at ease. 95% of the posts have stories that have happened to me and made me realize the person I was with wasn’t an inherently malicious person. I’m truly grateful for this community to opening my eyes and removing the confusion I once had. Here’s my experience:

Dating someone with BPD had the very best and very worst parts of a relationship. When it was good, it was the best partner I ever had. She was attentive, supportive, funny, very intelligent, and went out of her way for me. When things were bad, I ducked for cover and needed to separate myself from her as quickly as possible. 

When we first started dating, things came very quickly. What started as just a texting relationship soon evolved into Skype conversations every night (usually lasting hours). It seemed like we had everything in common and when we weren’t talking at night, she would be texting me during the day. When we did go on our first date, she planned the perfect day for us and we really didn’t want to leave. 

From there, things slowly started to unravel (and it’s something I’ve seen a few times mentioned in this thread). After a month, she asked me what I thought about a restaurant we went to and I said I liked it but couldn’t eat there every night. That small disagreement turned into a two hour passive aggressive fight that I couldn’t understand. But after two hours, it was like it never happened. She just did a 180 and was back to being her fun self. At this point, I also noticed that she had some red flags. All her ex’s were crazy. She thought her last boyfriend was bipolar and the last guy she dated was stalking her so she had to get a restraining order. It all seemed a bit far fetched but I overlooked it. 

But that first fight seemed to open the floodgates. After that, there would be times when she would just look for fights and put words in my mouth. “What are your thoughts on immigration? Oh my god, you want a wall don’t you? You totally do! I can’t believe it!”-all before I could answer her original question on immigration. It got to the point where I had to be so cautious with what I said because I never knew how my comments would be interpreted. If she asked me about food, drinks, or anything at all, I had to always give a positive answer regardless of how I felt because I didn’t know how it could spiral. 

Then there was the constant need for assurance. The one question I was asked more than anything is “what are you thinking?”. I could be thinking about work or a movie we saw or errands I had to run, but if there was a moment of silence between us, the question would always come up. 

What finally ended things between us was I wasn’t available to skype with her two nights in a row (work obligations). After six months, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted in the relationship and needed some time away. She took this as a sign that I wasn’t interested anymore and wanted to get out quick. I stopped hearing from her after that second night despite getting loving messages from her two nights earlier. 

The question I’ve been struggling with is why would I stick around through all the fighting and abuse for 6 months? Honestly, because when things were good between us, they were great. 60% of the time we spent together, she was fun to be with and we really connected. However, in my mind, I justified that those good times were good enough to justify the bad. When she left, I was confused because I did need a break but I don’t know if I was ready for her to leave. Having read through too many posts, I don’t know if I could have hung on too much longer. It’s definitely a process getting over the whole thing. Having someone fall for you so quickly and divulge so many sensitive details about their life so early in a relationship, you trust them wholeheartedly. But understanding BPD a little more definitely helps. 

",5.398628273322423,6.618764110372343,5.443351063829792,81.79403846153849,68.13563829787235,8.550572831423896,30.95090016366612,8.841846274778883,2.4410676350245497,3129,124,593,52,52,981,315,752,0.078,0.79,0.132,0.9917,3,0,2,0,6,0,86.0,14,7,3,9,42,31,5,3,41,0,73,9,2,6,10,131,129,56,0,24,17,1,2,3,1,6,3,3,0,5,39,43,3,2,25,3,1,10,14,12,0,10,57,10,96,19,87,53,20,115,0,0,5,1,81,34,0,19,68,438,135,4,0.0,0.05847024471529341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039464208277802414,0.08212429044463374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048940737706992365,0.0,0.0,0.08121969617631143,0.04393088425292334,0.13840336675431306,0.0,0.04636481119224326,0.037946172183325216,0.08240835407663659,0.1203302535507863,0.0,0.04199218424344652,0.05559918551029047,0.10357701775681123,0.0,0.05387609574081005,0.0,0.18645921447195826,0.0,0.0,0.05644186729604424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042509611591616495,0.0,0.053328508813958966,0.0,0.15760396805380822,0.0,0.0,0.06365177202717329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048343025380887056,0.0,0.05049613050186145,0.0,0.05551074481779473,0.04370837905206495,0.05099049021028301,0.0,0.0,0.04463880440589114,0.08315696529520276,0.0,0.044351509012139766,0.0482725843740788,0.0,0.0,0.024952230195114118,0.0,0.047382575815723006,0.05405918557473712,0.0,0.12592816268474155,0.0596727508534187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031308206330248,0.04733985457185032,0.02804605370773024,0.16556568958884538,0.039468734204645535,0.0544072134599925,0.0,0.04886305915061685,0.08727794126256645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561967112068393,0.0,0.03307745265644296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579584813971092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813624106155363,0.1206775471951547,0.0,0.10450648308848216,0.053617603021200125,0.0,0.03485650868477602,0.07232797596912277,0.04946045039819725,0.0,0.0,0.041440553470775465,0.0,0.0,0.041954575193341365,0.0445392082629129,0.09339003363145752,0.0,0.10006385173767796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049731971777971465,0.0,0.049828208555505925,0.0,0.1181691963284404,0.0,0.07255407528002977,0.14636600529682836,0.07612165578619041,0.0,0.0,0.2778629697745641,0.0,0.0,0.05618392270849259,0.0,0.05255484910713725,0.033440016196476005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053439928864764695,0.0,0.0,0.08617891717017817,0.0,0.0,0.09330111200777214,0.0556333441624884,0.14178749415100986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960916259841774,0.22112774816709585,0.0,0.098724285824887,0.0,0.06322819503170088,0.0,0.0,0.211928522018858,0.0,0.0,0.09388399711048984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477585072588438,0.05148154890275822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254392048801966,0.037991108296654134,0.0,0.0,0.10478797934154764,0.0,0.0,0.041257796819489136,0.0,0.05159006843716087,0.0,0.0,0.05600042030013536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03966468684070717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671085345578185,0.06324142201769467,0.0,0.1175322770994663,0.14387837692827246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054828319722523895,0.0,0.053677310949911496,0.19282638254462933,0.1027476582671047,0.2374420652982686,0.0,0.054350718510720784,0.16287167471004338,0.08732158199612383,0.0391707712582671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914936425569041,0.044529605844551685,0.05509615993464253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185301143574159,0.0,0.0,0.21033578048621365,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gainzville80,2019/04/02,"Spouse has ALL cluster ""C"" and one cluster ""B"" Personality Disorders I almost dread going to the the site (outofthefog.net) and reading about the different disorders because everytime I do I find a new one that the spouse most likely has (due to having over 5 characteristics of each...).

I left the house one month ago because I couldn't handle it any longer after 14 years of marriage. My counselor confirmed my decision to leave based upon me telling her of all the issues I had dealt with over the years and said it is definitely not a healthy/safe environment to be in. My question is this, how ""treatable"" or ""curable"" is it really? To treat all 4 disorders? Just trying to get an honest opinion on whether this marriage can indeed be reconciled on not. It's been pretty rough on me for sure since I am quite the push over and fall victim to the ""FOG"" over and over again.

IF you want to read about the issues they can be found here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/b0ozz6/38_m_and_36_f_married_14_years_been_two_weeks/

Thanks in advance for the help! I am learning as much as I can on personality disorders and it has really opened my eyes to a lot of what my world has been like for many years now. I always knew there were issues that didn't seem right with my spouses behavior, like not normal human behavior that I witness in my relationships before marriage, at work, with friends, etc. But I always wanted to stay and try to help due to the fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) mentality that I received from my spouse. ",8.396259124087589,9.016638361313868,7.453713503649634,72.12465784671535,61.37226277372263,10.061678832116787,32.81843065693431,9.827888789773867,3.0473145985401464,1237,43,212,22,16,380,158,274,0.05,0.8440000000000001,0.106,0.9403,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,1,1,3,9,12,1,3,16,0,23,1,1,1,4,42,32,15,0,5,8,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,12,13,0,0,8,2,0,5,5,4,0,3,8,3,26,8,42,20,8,36,0,0,1,0,21,19,0,8,14,151,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344977400947853,0.0,0.1055643759374793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754382194008305,0.0,0.0,0.07169021590056382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285279014814297,0.0,0.08970590786886064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014300024562612,0.4832885600197382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757280799777102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862846472229788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635331538143477,0.0,0.0,0.11558920250118218,0.08144836762642807,0.0,0.05507836792027517,0.0,0.05991345187964135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132358075650958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164222433383085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330097881696152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162611700887057,0.11454073760213042,0.0,0.0,0.15451081827542415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962556544217931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068808258811204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624004820963147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414641303502993,0.0,0.07749691174490977,0.0,0.0,0.10181671441598217,0.0,0.0,0.10329065929535276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430895292300312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840999258120914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725153655414753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809617528660635,0.11212871187644582,0.21090000075450965,0.0,0.1350713886504558,0.0,0.0,0.11318320786072505,0.0,0.09002936092950474,0.10027996098426753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597174860025964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087205730893033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236526219740024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935848958770492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214301301869834,0.09705792743944287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314851865054498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243606309227244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674808705575682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366391443898552
bpd,BeerIsTheMindSpiller,2019/04/02,"Does anyone have advice on setting realiatic expectations in relationships? DBT or CBT skills suggestions would be greatly appreciated I find that once I start dating I pretty much immediately try to hold them up to impossible standards. How do I separate fantasy from actual needs? I am recognizing that I do this and it creates most of my dissatisfaction but I don't know how to stop when for instance I am expecting prompt text messages and then after awhile jump to ""they don't like me anymore""",7.525655430711613,9.09330473033708,8.491629213483147,60.60163857677904,63.494382022471896,11.776029962546813,36.181647940074896,11.538034831475384,4.848953558052433,407,19,64,13,6,138,71,89,0.09300000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.068,-0.4785,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,0,16,12,8,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,12,2,11,10,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,7,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.2674368377530857,0.0,0.0,0.26780206308063337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271787588586108,0.19162468992520412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239826203164436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504800787553721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30214512573373586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506127234611882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388877444426184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146097184428893,0.20320731508366127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29185820191048784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788110945261125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942310672602193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397658986779745,0.0,0.0,0.2291211296216822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606444460868035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467985584926906,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaybbw4u,2019/04/02,"I spent $2,000 in two weeks - IMPULSE Help .. I am imploding. I realized I spent $2k of my savings on random things in less than 2 weeks. 

Does anyone else do this ? I could’ve saved that money and used it for something better 

",0.9860869565217384,3.22436282608696,2.6197391304347843,92.66656521739132,83.78260869565217,5.419130434782609,20.069565217391304,6.742157984588678,0.28410956521739106,174,5,37,2,5,57,38,46,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.8126,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,3,6,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915789277777192,0.321146586101736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772038060285556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502487496707163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742851421647545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618309636958178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210085856892666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412941112395488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822929664292986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061760546463268,0.0,0.0,0.27070331738654363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028300815078827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_dead_wood_,2019/04/02,Lying is not ok I lie alot to strangers and my gf. I like to make up stories about what my hobbies are or what i do for work. To my girlfriend i lie about what im doing most of the time. Its an image thing i suppose. Im left feeling guilty and like shit and knowing the truth by myself. Im trying to do better but if i tell my girlfriend im out having a drink im afraid of the response. Its arrogant i know to think that you can bend reality this way and people wont catch on that your deceiving them. More importantly it fucks with my head. Im deceiving myself when i lie to others. Ive tried to take notice when im about to tell someone something that isnt true and im getting better at it. I dont want to lie. I want to be trustworthy. ,0.11044662309368293,2.0367902407407428,2.6215323166303577,93.24042483660135,84.8641975308642,5.293246187363835,20.640522875816988,6.522977012572876,0.19146579520697185,577,18,133,6,17,199,93,162,0.16899999999999998,0.71,0.121,-0.7943,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,3,5,10,2,1,6,1,12,4,2,1,2,22,22,10,0,3,4,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,13,7,1,0,4,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,21,7,22,20,3,11,0,0,0,1,8,6,2,4,5,86,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177140439353201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736933379552494,0.0981040911166482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050636381263653114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258254893221797,0.05232169141568172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277778410991713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.865391309319022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100742769214782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088079649712558,0.0,0.0,0.09785169337737136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684764466860517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140158819034908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942801616840905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279752567788483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485263446801201,0.0770966053653512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529666638287412,0.0,0.17506249641434155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653196725902258,0.06416894866517017,0.0,0.0,0.05839542431892247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598392440180995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181363718840884,0.0794905342053689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290683945987053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Leonfreak17,2019/04/02,"Disability? I was diagnosed at 18 but when I was 16 my therapist thought I was developing bpd and strongly advised me to seek DBT in the future, she also told me some people with BPD may need social security disability income while in treatment because of being unable to work let alone leave the house without blowing up on a stranger for accidently bumoing me with their shopping cart... Anyway, I've looked into and BPD does qualify for SSDI and i've applied 3 times but i've never got a disability lawyer and I really just couldn't figure out all the paperwork on my own. Now my family is asking why I don't have a job, because I do still fill out applications all the time, I figured if I do get a job and epically fail at it, I can use that in the disability case. One of my phych hospital stays was at a State hospital in texas and they kept me for 4 months and released me, till suicidal.. I tried to get into their live in hospital program because it made me feel safe but I guess I'm not ""sick enough"", but just sick enough to be suffering this much. 

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Another thing is I have a really hard time advocating for myself or even thinking of how to say/explain things I need or how I feel and it just makes it that much harder. I've had doctors use terms like ""fell through the cracks"" and I just, I'm devastated tbh ",5.2752119866814615,5.909300543396228,6.4750721420643735,76.40388457269702,68.09433962264151,10.008879023307436,31.81465038845727,10.056822442137396,3.1194284128745844,1064,43,206,25,17,359,154,265,0.077,0.846,0.076,-0.073,3,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,3,3,12,6,0,0,12,0,18,4,0,6,3,51,38,22,1,4,13,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,15,0,3,6,1,1,2,5,2,0,1,10,4,30,4,32,23,9,31,0,2,1,0,8,15,0,6,13,141,39,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028869981792662,0.0,0.08515783364581744,0.0,0.2307578313415786,0.2587873843133714,0.0,0.11166119040641996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955122541348643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474095949748094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023509772692955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808234042923956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899423604027172,0.09318773009849754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005963744562745,0.0,0.07033383942893796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038672374251796,0.0,0.10768632950089413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127040995477963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516759991611704,0.0,0.1173077365537608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539168026452984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287201564349665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134437414653295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275464642685055,0.0,0.10889045124876234,0.0,0.05202430264709573,0.0,0.09403021288642452,0.0,0.08942248971050216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076083234942597,0.07108108153168183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499712526145252,0.0,0.15656079629242595,0.1579179270838298,0.08212954957379365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721585320127831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382486701386094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136436947533126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468295347684067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855036443817713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350126430288172,0.08504087367366435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647979294212818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363993131440007,0.14149082477464786,0.06823274469105448,0.0,0.0845389999194127,0.1862807554851623,0.0,0.0,0.10175315264445163,0.0,0.07229786827435274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394162715698645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960882007344635,0.0,0.0,0.10264993104487476,0.0,0.07752400291072853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587873843133714,0.0
bpd,BanannyMousse,2019/04/02,"Phrases like using [their] “mental illness as an excuse” abound irl and online from so-called normative (or possibly undiagnosed) people and even the mentally ill in judgment of others. Please discuss. 

Btw, this is my first post here! :)",7.533076923076923,9.965617692307692,7.028717948717951,67.8246153846154,64.38461538461539,9.302564102564103,33.51282051282051,9.725611199111238,3.84757435897436,186,8,25,4,3,58,38,39,0.115,0.6890000000000001,0.196,0.4389,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080300813503405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26790735445695657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387500525696074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6348172183367565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183556765173948,0.0,0.0,0.3457347763270699,0.0,0.35507344194671386,0.3016474761739769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272026893255582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,likegregorsamsa,2019/04/02,"I wanna go full BPD tonight. Thank God I'm broke. Self-hate level hard, I mean.",-2.6814705882352925,-2.010101647058823,-0.7442647058823509,107.96830882352944,124.29411764705885,1.7000000000000002,10.132352941176473,3.1291,-2.2867529411764704,60,1,15,0,4,19,15,17,0.23600000000000002,0.506,0.258,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214294938777686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529069826082236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37087049643619335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509768704412969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319013903029056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381163608547394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drthvdwhr,2019/04/02,"i feel like i am going sideways... Two months ago my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. He has supported me through everything, my drug abuse recovery and being diagnosed with having bpd and bipolar II. He got me treatment and medicine. My now ex-boyfriend and his family helped me through everything, especially when my own family and friends weren't there to support and help me through my recovery. He just got tired of all the fighting, and I fully understand. We have decided to remain friends, but it is difficult to learn these new boundaries we have set up. It hurts knowing he is talking to other people now, and that he will eventually find someone else soon. I have that constant feeling that he will be abandoning me again, when really he is just protecting himself. I have decided to go back on my meds, my mood stabilizers (Lamitor), to be able to cope better. I feel like I really need my anti-psychotics (Seroquel), but it is too expensive for me right now. My ex-boyfriend used to fund my medicine, because my parents are still indenial that I am really sick. They refuse to pay for my medicine, and we are also not well off. I am still in school, and my allowance cannot fully fund my treatment and all the medicines I have to take. I have to stay in my house all the time now, ever since we broke up. It is honestly really stressful. My mom fights my siblings and I all the time. She also suffers from bipolar II. The only sanctuary I had was my boyfriend's house, where I used to go to to stay sane. On top of all the this, I have to worry about all my schoolwork and graduating university.

What should I do in my current situation? What should I do in order to feel better, if I can't take all my meds? ",5.303497133497132,6.1700006396396425,5.798467103467102,80.4499692874693,68.12912912912914,9.41790881790882,33.154381654381645,9.573946990214177,3.037151351351352,1355,60,263,28,22,437,165,333,0.147,0.774,0.078,-0.9794,2,0,1,0,4,0,47.0,4,0,1,3,21,20,2,1,6,0,33,6,0,3,8,51,51,20,0,4,6,2,4,2,2,4,6,0,0,0,13,19,0,3,10,0,4,3,4,9,1,1,5,4,54,10,38,39,8,40,0,5,0,0,25,13,0,1,22,190,67,4,0.1021985815551202,0.1210886075070909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905928762390555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345633749259822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858440087392579,0.0,0.06229930674306216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077268061173188,0.0,0.0,0.1287155358377235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044035994983456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372940901520562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851790870169478,0.0,0.08537380105374573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924444679958208,0.0,0.0,0.18369899059832412,0.0,0.19268745449866387,0.0,0.2066986942322459,0.14602137416644007,0.0,0.0,0.09340765205796683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791674118988633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424542719503294,0.0,0.1634750833754582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700310992550985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358468833407863,0.10940569527609563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056165667698887686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985812939616052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703917017345634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196937435412161,0.08157393276595526,0.0,0.0,0.07577895326959681,0.0,0.0987040269056056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772662651712944,0.0,0.0,0.1134794304302454,0.0,0.0,0.07085162844884392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618841131538097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727703024451001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343042065565096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453972275339701,0.11487548762066715,0.0,0.0,0.08659252650472092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178601799675964,0.16323183849041722,0.0,0.11706812987842645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319474784815321,0.0,0.0,0.15368122911809254,0.08214334864054045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918562952802543,0.1174622354789305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983316414464924,0.10639232762543872,0.0,0.17653352252101806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188879837428733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378762040642688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581253580938279
bpd,lonergirl89,2019/04/02,Tired of being sad. That’s all....,-3.531428571428574,-4.094823428571427,-0.7392857142857139,106.59678571428572,140.42857142857142,1.4,3.5,3.1291,-3.0926571428571425,24,0,6,0,2,8,7,7,0.6,0.4,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shelbycinda,2019/04/02,"I love this sub except... I'm not really a poster on this group, more so a lurker and I comment. But the one thing I've noticed about this sub that irritates me to no end, is the lack of reply on peoples posts. Part of the reason we come on here and vent about our problems is to get feedback, have some interaction and hopefully come away with some new knowledge to help us get through whatever it is we're going through in that moment. But I can't help but notice the complete lack of replies on MANY posts. Including my own.  I posted yesterday, genuinely needing some insight. I have yet to get an upvote or a comment. And I've noticed this is on trend not just on my posts. It's incredibly frustrating and hugely discouraging. For a group that has 52.6k members, there should be more of a community wanting to help out their fellow man who is struggling.",4.7067764471057885,6.015072167664673,5.3824101796407176,81.26048153692615,69.83832335329342,8.440918163672654,30.683133732534927,8.841846274778883,2.4713876247504984,680,28,130,12,12,220,103,167,0.129,0.8029999999999999,0.068,-0.888,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,1,0,7,6,1,1,10,0,11,1,0,1,0,32,22,10,0,7,8,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,10,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,0,0,12,2,25,20,9,22,0,1,0,1,16,10,0,5,5,96,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151517755998818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411595765287137,0.14676565222016744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239801281203809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194002494352116,0.0,0.07955347252327824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814755596420055,0.0,0.0,0.13903104769012153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263368000958935,0.0,0.0,0.14191705832740106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379289098981022,0.0,0.13519289806526152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781021456371352,0.0,0.0,0.09485360890295563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158396104109367,0.0,0.09704403440198801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362459730286573,0.0,0.0,0.13394130317629985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896743358008418,0.14392205293165114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633677645559462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299603929133092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837788494616127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256342878526635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ariaa95,2019/04/02,Do you know your MBTI type? I wonder if people with bpd can actually get an accurate answer that won’t differ from day to day.,3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,5.364615384615386,79.75538461538463,73.61538461538461,8.276923076923078,20.69230769230769,8.841846274778883,1.2693692307692306,100,2,20,2,2,35,25,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.3557285962498778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591126453915596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701832546385246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808561570389791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904518262196876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033609858820334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25271913258753004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953171244342072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PM_ME_CUTE_PPL,2019/04/02,"fp actually abandoned me and i feel like this will only make things worse let me start this off by saying i’m not diagnosed, but borderline has been a suspicion for the past 5 months. i’m going into my psychologist tomorrow to get it checked out.

i really liked this girl, and i thought we had a thing going (hanging out a TON, holding hands in public, etc). suddenly, she said she wanted to stay friends because she didn’t feel ready for a relationship, which was understandable! then she stopped speaking to me as much. it was like a switch flipped, one day she just stopped and texting went from a conversation to someone thing more reminiscent of people checking up on each other. then i learn from others she is hanging out with some guy. after some BS, she finally tells me that he asked her to prom and they’ve been hanging out without my knowledge for a week or so.

i feel crushed because usually thoughts of abandonment are purely fictional, but this being real and literally all of my suspicions coming true makes me feel like my paranoia will be at an all time high in the coming weeks. obviously, i have absolutely 0 interest in even speaking to this person anymore.",7.2525289778714415,7.734287333333337,7.306027397260276,72.6868387776607,63.794520547945204,10.574077976817703,36.937478047067096,10.389873798559362,3.9393024938531775,942,44,165,21,13,303,147,219,0.11199999999999999,0.769,0.11900000000000001,0.5579,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,10,0,15,2,1,2,5,46,36,12,0,1,6,0,5,4,1,2,1,4,0,3,14,15,0,5,9,0,2,8,3,2,0,1,10,9,24,7,31,21,9,38,0,2,0,0,23,13,0,3,20,118,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.12793024915690082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001146071610278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255654983846485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982913995022974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258542456220723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845457204585498,0.0,0.0,0.1330591229435487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620608107051625,0.08658730881011803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651431954469896,0.187309232377388,0.0,0.1436086583690846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128402003018004,0.0,0.06849196223616721,0.0,0.14900913148039105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980510701050146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850954132569596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405398035003954,0.0,0.2561864613397881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750144626573203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463913804139108,0.0,0.09637024031530936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883367018500872,0.09970399766004603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251454414719733,0.09088507907283452,0.11446749098171133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921532336637736,0.0839831026222923,0.0,0.0,0.14074745297075816,0.0,0.0,0.12470179419115328,0.10425236419889243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110767499744954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279003476441224,0.13973030766309813,0.0,0.2192033337357556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145832021954332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612819768840905,0.0,0.0,0.20815028873595112,0.07644281155669683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647498752922013,0.0,0.0,0.14438311794264094,0.0,0.07732349340084273,0.0,0.21031372602427825,0.0,0.0,0.1215267962068394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263713363423036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359746408167292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RollCaltrops,2019/04/02,"I beat BPD - 2 years diagnosis free. AMA! I flit around this sub sometimes trying to help a little from the perspective of someone who has gotten through BPD, and what I notice more than anything is that there's a lot of confusion and what life looks like on the other side. 

I have been BPD-free for two years now, which means undiagnosable even during times of severe stress. To me, this is as good as ""cured"", though that sounds like a bizarrely simplistic word for the complex process that it has been. It doesn't mean I don't experience symptoms of a previously life-long disorder, but it does mean those symptoms don't look anything like they did before. I went through a few therapy programs, most notably a year and a half of DBT and some schema therapy.

I really want to help because I know how confused and terrified and cynical I was at the start, and I wish I could have asked questions of someone who had been through this journey before me. So I'm offering that now, if it's something anyone thinks would help. So ask me anything.

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bpd,flightofapollo24,2019/04/02,"I'm in the Psych Ward.... My husband and I were convinced I was Bipolar due to some grandiose thinking and flight of ideas and hypersexuality.

After fighting with the resident psychiatrist about wanting to know  exactly what's going on with me I wanted to speak to the the one ""in charge"". 

LOOOOOONG story short I argued with her for a while how nobody understands me blah blah. She finally reveals to me in her whole 15 years shes never spent so much time arguing with a patient and that I have the worst case of Borderline Personality Disorder shes ever seen. 


Tl:dr I have super BPD..... yay......
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bpd,iridescentwolf96,2019/04/02,"Everyone is tired of my bullshit I turn on my allies at the slightest change in mood. I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. I can't stop gaining weight. I can't stop cutting. I'm a drain to everyone I know in my community. I don't have friends, I just fuck a bunch of people who can barely stand me. I don't have anyone who loves me. ",-0.05249999999999844,1.98118652777778,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,86.5,5.822222222222222,21.5,7.1686216300943375,0.6464666666666661,258,9,59,4,8,90,47,72,0.213,0.6629999999999999,0.125,-0.8042,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,5,0,8,7,0,0,0,5,14,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,12,2,7,14,1,7,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,2,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516424829156241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466907082154002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614040833910618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24419113427253664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676934641669331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411424198058351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834131551154003,0.2134017626232289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686000215720195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833615966760474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600308178663318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38597412396645664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265309041212413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25108045833630765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810928994874595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hessarial,2019/04/02,"How do you people deal with the intense need for affection without it eating you alive until you feel empty, like you're just going through the motions and everything is just some level of pain as the title says. I've been dealing with this since I was 16.... my first relationship was a disaster that lasted a month and my second relationship was a disaster that lasted 6 months and I've only recently gotten over (its been 3 years..)

​

I finally am amble to control myself and my empathy to a level where i can interact without the extreme emotions and black and white thinking coming out nearly as much. I finally understand people and life and how  to live to a degree... but the crippling emptiness and need is there... Right now I've just recently started seeing a therapist and she is the focus of my (mind? emotions? extremes? safe thought space?). I've begun to genuinely trust her and have been using her as a mental escape... if that makes sense?

​

Mental escapism is basically the only thing that has held me together for years and I feel as if the cracks are beginning to show. I haven't been happy for longer than I can remember and the constant need for affection and closeness... to a significant other mostly, and to friends.. It's hard for me to get close to people because my mind is a whirlwind of extreme emotions, trust issues and what feels like some level of constant grief.

I've managed to begin to express this to my therapist and it's extremely weird and nice at the same time for her to validate what i feel and build my self esteem...

​

anyway... i think spiraling now... just wondering if and how you guys deal with these things.",6.948987854251016,7.57523002564103,7.114851551956817,73.30032388663969,64.44871794871796,9.901754385964914,34.3697705802969,9.811843763644266,3.4738371794871803,1336,56,223,26,19,431,163,312,0.077,0.8059999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.9339,0,0,0,1,0,0,59.0,0,4,0,2,12,11,0,0,19,0,20,3,0,8,0,66,43,32,1,6,10,0,5,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,16,27,1,3,10,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,10,9,27,8,40,33,5,36,0,1,3,0,19,12,0,7,23,165,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710459818821323,0.3039692316058262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050831311647067286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182962724822156,0.0,0.18022121428018947,0.09352445267213187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579018121657515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532466177935108,0.0,0.2813939689808668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494193056486112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686498019455285,0.05957095163192906,0.0,0.18269050239647905,0.0,0.07092806110608536,0.0,0.0,0.06442379141406983,0.0,0.043565726235277484,0.0,0.04739016679247103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256521745516951,0.0,0.0887659126445479,0.0746974479417583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703328540668763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594138529629418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889797465229324,0.08147634317607677,0.0,0.07363133674297864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566078061139864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806688470591716,0.0,0.16839211241791224,0.0,0.1331157669475978,0.0,0.061298280407385976,0.18548891430630834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683757114865168,0.08872854825300877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734279911607432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466716571206313,0.17905064490030803,0.09446004571943926,0.07121116037913629,0.0,0.06631186798837359,0.0,0.0,0.06644781984411746,0.0,0.08698974959760611,0.0,0.0,0.06897773375805895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902101677229561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936350697936936,0.11079586278941617,0.10686072161323508,0.0,0.06619914365715113,0.04862302804890877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868077326235708,0.0,0.07201870268339503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076219349919016,0.09042852442565592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039692316058262,0.10739565792625967
bpd,OrangeO5,2019/04/02,Is dbt really only a year? Or is that just group? I dont feel like I'll be good after a year stopping individual and a lot of places online say a year...,-0.9720588235294088,0.9519444411764724,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,89.88235294117645,5.752941176470588,14.382352941176471,7.1686216300943375,-0.2455647058823529,117,2,28,2,4,44,27,34,0.131,0.775,0.094,0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35419765896500954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281067994550926,0.21590485180210967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534864158823026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476486216595886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25693523632908943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985067597200645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157538550355033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360881570444505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403361644986238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526680755884622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5838561322310112
bpd,newchapter1123,2019/04/02,"Perceived rejection and how you deal with it I recently interviewed for an internal promotion. I met with the department lead last week on Tuesday and was told I would be contacted Monday regardless of outcome. Now dealing with things up in the air, as someone with BPD is hard enough. I stressed all weekend about how I wasn’t good enough for this job, and I wouldn’t get it. Now Monday has come around and I haven’t even heard from anyone. I don’t think there is anything I deal with that is harder than this. I feel like I’m in a downward spiral now of not liking who I am right now all because I feel like I extend courtesy to other people and they can’t even do the same. It’s incredibly frustrating and hard for me to deal with. 

What do you do in these situations? ",4.318246753246754,5.490680305194807,4.964805194805198,84.4029220779221,70.62337662337663,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.067812987012987,613,22,124,11,11,197,95,154,0.095,0.823,0.08199999999999999,-0.2619,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,2,11,7,1,1,5,0,16,0,0,3,2,28,25,9,0,3,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,14,0,0,4,1,0,3,6,3,0,0,5,5,17,4,23,17,5,23,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,0,14,93,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186314372957604,0.0,0.11988258091856567,0.12968646853449495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880543782716717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834794015023356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549079081473125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6007605051212114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30105365355919506,0.0,0.1924410998283072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732080499148195,0.2081482562632113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611201181359904,0.0,0.0,0.12218983272472456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610021010316619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456534768152568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874899396546995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135162981395979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099646712149098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438418493737821,0.0,0.0,0.12441029103396505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375090682527935,0.0,0.0,0.12343455538802912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687644009167235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096783604294623,0.09334613707472453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920389363700328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685605344848173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348719752850036,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NordicBreeze1,2019/04/02,"My BPD is cured! The other day I was out with some friends

One of them said ""just be normal""

And then instantly, my BPD was gone!


If you think this is how it works, please dont get involved or say things like this",1.3603333333333332,2.9980058666666665,1.90861111111111,101.41625000000002,79.22222222222223,5.388888888888888,17.916666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.6786666666666665,164,3,41,1,4,50,40,45,0.0,0.825,0.175,0.8168,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,10,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,5,2,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6550671533120063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677157061794441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30478569434464386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091993837089334,0.0,0.13586941777480524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705105901333166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25480133616793704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622183177083453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854652670636028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473744307953079,0.20680832557416176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727707841682362,0.16663447718253468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932510706725475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arrozcnleche,2019/04/02,"total relapse and i could use some support throwaway because i'm paranoid af. i just need some support. i was doing super SUPER well (like living like a normal person) but i've completely relapsed and now i'm trapped in this stupid pit of depression

this will get downvoted to hell because it always happens with me. last time i posted here in a crisis it happene.d i would be better off cutti g more

it's hard to really go into it all but i can barely go to uni or work. i can barely get up. i can't sleep all night and that makes it worse and makes me even more paranoid and depressed. on top of that i just feel so alone. i don;t hve a FP because my real FP killed herself  a while back and my ex was too bausive so i had to cut him off. but i miss him so much now and i can;t stand being alone.

i just feel so heavy and empty. i cant stand this. my pyschologist cant see me til mid next month....i don't know how ill survive",-0.4959127655574349,1.7234381979695428,1.6910885504794138,95.93382778717805,93.41624365482231,3.933746944914458,17.956194773453657,5.5874745759252304,-0.4039932694115436,723,21,158,5,27,241,119,197,0.27399999999999997,0.632,0.094,-0.9934,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,6,15,15,4,0,4,0,15,2,1,4,3,34,33,19,1,4,7,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,7,1,0,3,4,24,8,15,25,8,23,1,3,1,0,5,9,1,3,11,104,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109387353660332,0.0,0.0,0.1249040901605357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542582799734785,0.0,0.2745181862243345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327606758266482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573881659020012,0.0,0.0,0.11985114348551038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25858017456385946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914667196900297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180091508239638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685324340624585,0.0,0.17062268919421594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327423565605719,0.0,0.1344696622358437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607519912891466,0.0,0.08249689031247738,0.1223602189121528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667296740366842,0.0,0.13255045861167802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004000558207556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981689276496728,0.0,0.11034860345491478,0.1113051487145426,0.0,0.0,0.15964438467154465,0.14086868104061726,0.14707657049222014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107083399908553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376451317217145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708587889132566,0.09616472946273773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961875722599608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502190632240563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406875850409521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753073014915656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296474095346693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349675065036048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928234472511426,0.0,0.15297558186319876,0.10663430250090868,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,betteroffinaforrest,2019/04/02,"I hate myself sometimes. I hate the disgusting life I’ve lead. I’m trying so hard to make sure I never return to the patterns I used to have, but god. I was horrible. 

I was never faithful or present in a relationship. As they got more serious, I grew distant and left to find someone better. The way I used people like Kleenex was just appalling and I was so unattached to my emotions that I didn’t care. I’d drink it all away, cut myself to feel, and throw up all my food because I knew I didn’t deserve it. I ran away from anyone who cared about me, and hurt so many fucking people. I’m amazed people stuck through it and are here for me now. 

My emotions are all to intact and I want to erase who I was, I want to atone for my sins but re-entering these people’s lives will only cause more damage. I feel extreme guilt and shame daily, and cry for the pain I put people through. They never deserved what they endured. 

I try so hard to be a better person now, I hold myself accountable for everything I can, and am honest with my loved ones. I never want to be that whore, that monster again. ",2.4546990795374093,4.1693959237668174,3.6976823223979243,89.45663441113994,76.30941704035874,6.1297144205806,23.84446542364881,6.8360192770164,0.7564582959641251,853,27,177,8,19,278,125,223,0.239,0.595,0.16699999999999998,-0.9646,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,3,3,10,23,5,2,6,0,15,7,0,5,8,35,35,17,0,3,4,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,10,2,1,4,1,1,5,6,13,0,1,11,4,35,10,25,21,5,20,2,2,0,3,8,5,1,1,10,122,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987821648515732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466166547979887,0.0,0.0,0.06963873024231043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202069342315782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329475319242857,0.1173544095705417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548562976350172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191024050076928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570058764006238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267019908280144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155248377677988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441192084303152,0.0,0.13813764957268868,0.0,0.0,0.10561165389993107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136696560263502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046705173819866,0.22557373888878804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229467868280733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412046622861105,0.0,0.08069003210280383,0.05581116146445216,0.0,0.1008746898452471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310470784865412,0.0,0.07625508688397667,0.11581991016458165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524311000079586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741096518913357,0.08688352823884309,0.12155782009885625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39599296514859816,0.09974865319893172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484124697801082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264939813572225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679391167436896,0.0,0.11298479913772595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766843578600416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551208875270085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733077294531945,0.0,0.0,0.2021424841556854,0.0906772051930039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Brainweird,2019/04/02,"Anyone else have weird or very specific triggers? Sorry, right now I can only take half of my mood stabilizer bc of medication conflicts, and it’s got me feeling antsy and wanting to talk and I’ve always kinda wondered about this.

Y’all got any triggers that are kind of “out there”?
For example: A person sighing triggers my fight or flight response and either makes me scared they’re mad or makes me really angry; no idea why. 
Anyone else got something kinda out of the norm like that?",6.287289377289376,7.383134010989012,6.274450549450549,77.09138278388279,66.03296703296704,8.264468864468865,30.551282051282055,8.344100000000001,2.3477897435897432,389,14,66,5,6,123,69,91,0.209,0.7509999999999999,0.04,-0.9449,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,8,2,1,2,0,3,1,0,5,0,22,12,7,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,3,1,7,2,9,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,6,2,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928379060731484,0.0,0.0,0.1220051960814908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508957884432094,0.3676542282122742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997486663276149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071526797894756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43047255962699704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025324569391399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682828005699856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765083883762563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395156150001899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073706134788706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644966224466806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665420493673998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493486977466685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532154659504819,0.0,0.0,0.1796210673342072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811885923619885,0.0,0.2008352078940802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489426176168762,0.14420325028743702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480323352057989,0.1058208778558412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188994312726365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456288075247696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loharders,2019/04/02,questioning reality?? i am diagnosed BAD but am starting to question if i also have BPD for a multitude of reasons. one of the most recent things that has been affecting me a lot is some paranoia that what i’m experiencing like conversations or every day instances aren’t reality or what is going on might not actually be happening. almost like i’m drunk? does anyone else experience this? is this dissociation? i’m not quite sure,5.020325497287523,7.5530825696202575,7.183580470162751,63.66101265822786,71.40506329113923,10.590235081374324,32.804701627486445,10.608840637214634,4.424249909584088,349,17,56,12,7,123,61,79,0.153,0.769,0.078,-0.6427,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,11,2,0,2,1,16,17,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,3,3,5,14,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,10,5,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.1937280131666394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879026339457675,0.0,0.0,0.15875729831245888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388106095060751,0.2034083864950292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575687467854436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500304489125458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280297236511201,0.0,0.0,0.20149479651161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372720315830512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583895381323807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672626377450343,0.0,0.0,0.19419178572751356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128241490016106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555160437504802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397482019549414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877558933035008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105995765777556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452307441483596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447782612767115,0.21115168796350975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411281405506104,0.19601569373377167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051429740065755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710384199424468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188863616851695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thowaway1717,2019/04/02,"Thinking about letting my wife with BPD see other people TL;DR I’m thinking about allowing my wife to have relationships outside of our marriage because I can’t give her all the emotional support and attention she needs.  

I’m a male, age 50.  My wife is female, age 40.  She has BPD.  We’ve been married eight years.  She’s bisexual.  Romantically, she’s attracted to men but sexually, she’s more attracted to women.  We’ve toyed with the idea of opening the relationships since before we got married.  We have no children together and my sons from my first marriage have grown up and live on their on.

During conversations about this, she has said she doesn’t think she could handle me dating someone else.  I’ve told her I think I would be okay with her being sexually involved with another person but I would find it threatening if she became romantically attached.  She told me that if she was sexually involved with someone who spent time with her and gave her attention, she’d probably fall in love.

We’ve considered the idea of having a half open relationship.  She could date other people but I would not.  I don’t have an interest in dating other people.  Sometimes it seems like I’m not enough for her but she’s more than enough for me.  When things are going well in our relationship my wife says she has no interest in seeing anyone else.  When things aren’t good, she brings up the possibility of opening the relationship.

Most of the time we get along well.  When she’s triggered and angry with me, I feel overwhelmed.  She will itemize all the ways I’ve failed to support her.  When this happens, I struggle to keep my self centered.  I try to be as supportive, but taking care of myself means I sometimes have to detach emotionally and sometimes physically from an outburst.  I can’t be completely available to her when I’m under siege.   

Over the weekend we got into an argument while she was out of town.  I told her several times that I needed to get off the phone.  Eventually, I got frustrated and hung up.  She sent a very long series of text messages.  One of them said, “I need someone who loves and cares for me.  I know he’s out there.”

I’m tempted to give her carte blanche to pursue any outside relationship whether it’s sexual or romantic.  That way, she has other people in her life who can be emotionally supportive when I’m unable to meet her needs or when she’s convinced I’m pure evil incarnate.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if she would spend time with a boyfriend or girlfriend instead of endlessly attacking me when she’s angry.    Maybe one person isn’t enough for my wife.  If she were involved with other people, there would be more people there for her.  If the relationship was half open, it wouldn’t trigger her abandonment issues.  I think I could manage my jealousy and insecurity so my feelings wouldn’t damage our relationship.  In the worst case,  she could leave me for someone else.  If she found someone who was more understanding and supportive, maybe we’d all be better off.

It seems to me, the biggest challenge would be managing my feelings.  If I can do that, I could imagine this working out well.  Is this totally crazy?  What are the pitfalls?  I’d really like to hear from people who’ve tried something like this.",4.707135842880521,6.779374229132571,5.321135515548281,78.67785384615388,71.02945990180031,8.292255319148936,29.241276595744683,8.954980946260402,2.539378762684125,2598,104,464,52,50,836,253,611,0.105,0.753,0.142,0.956,1,0,1,0,0,0,64.0,8,0,2,5,19,34,3,3,21,1,56,3,0,3,5,100,114,37,0,25,18,6,3,3,1,10,1,4,0,7,27,32,0,2,21,2,2,5,12,10,3,6,18,9,92,24,67,69,14,55,0,4,2,2,100,26,0,13,25,328,119,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03553505319028244,0.054793709811770605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653776836517812,0.0535412137136732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059447374225681825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03185403864533533,0.0,0.044464982669657004,0.0,0.0,0.04621512064312203,0.0,0.0,0.1316261726551713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655449429408632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478815944307422,0.0,0.0,0.20860601307240395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095653066964685,0.1763388366744609,0.0,0.16197951864373852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926478485349532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775993689136617,0.04444790280445776,0.0,0.05729468669475068,0.0,0.0,0.05460194837174514,0.10025512371149957,0.029697604793232864,0.043828843693733015,0.1253788018428752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620874355075987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889495288302848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179786084730988,0.0,0.05454043082783755,0.0,0.04644646366983358,0.0,0.0,0.028717869314343062,0.0,0.0,0.05533028399351927,0.0,0.053434069306271634,0.0369091077903431,0.07658716153828853,0.0,0.04614194224228447,0.04624385011955656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432398715195392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499393225806487,0.05692079188956462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498507653757235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081840430252964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25358827249903954,0.09125374465510946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058909431090767135,0.0,0.0,0.056339508197245786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033475760394114734,0.0,0.0,0.4488167609545197,0.0,0.0,0.09941255449524652,0.04155511115298745,0.0,0.0,0.08328061396129313,0.095141607496479,0.05451314860158756,0.05903304577186499,0.0,0.0432257072580111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213765954936392,0.040228294918367435,0.20672531768144808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462805853788805,0.0,0.0,0.29649061640889,0.0,0.0,0.03928910342116701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943152912405626,0.200896580019658,0.0,0.0,0.1218807671363738,0.0,0.0,0.14979509079581654,0.0,0.07095515281210428,0.0,0.0,0.05439908552634599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431156792855466,0.0,0.08295484964813503,0.0,0.0,0.14095001152547834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380421138577893,0.0,0.0,0.2598421548295428,0.0,0.0,0.03365037539929055
bpd,bIueandyellow,2019/09/18,"idk how to do life i started school over a month ago and i’ve been there like once, i’m so behind and i don’t know if i can catch up and the more i skip school the harder it is to go there anymore, but i also can’t take a sick leave or anything because then i’ll fall even more behind and i can’t drop out because i did the exact same thing last year and i can’t let that happen again i can’t fail this again

also i’ve already almost used up all of my student loan that was supposed to last me until january because of all the binging and compulsive shoppingå, and my dad called today and asked about my money situation and i’m supposed to go over next week so we can go over my budget haha what budget

and like whenever my parents have asked how i’m doing i’ve just been straight up lying and saying everything’s going good because i can’t tell them the truth and i haven’t even seen my therapist since beginning of august because i’ve just been cancelling my appointments

i don’t know what to do with myself",2.3420145379023865,3.9660570747663577,3.769096573208724,89.21544132917967,76.38317757009347,6.250882658359295,23.571131879543096,6.937597516519254,0.7537100726895116,810,25,170,8,18,267,115,214,0.10099999999999999,0.812,0.087,-0.4588,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,1,1,15,6,0,0,7,1,21,2,0,3,4,31,38,23,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,15,0,0,2,0,4,6,8,1,0,0,6,2,23,5,20,31,5,30,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,3,17,113,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196573053776992,0.0,0.13516938807445375,0.0,0.1489608570056259,0.215897162152802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387024402244851,0.0,0.0,0.11108231154634272,0.0,0.2523881378311841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114323046826833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783621414626454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831449774984226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131707882635127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068635439211304,0.11322019398083667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936803409613672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836999840591986,0.2200638765434568,0.0,0.1429311147365903,0.0,0.13803274698087908,0.0953448914345824,0.1318950802717858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774486238938707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355957545498318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143756118198648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988643064216298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073466089708684,0.0,0.2732269013532348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166215095495806,0.15173037741252735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554407379429453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149297895608728,0.0,0.11798406966806987,0.0,0.0,0.1567296228469604,0.08967897089349627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795133048854296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658491534123425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827795360910576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692682053988159
bpd,tmd7686,2019/09/18,"Finally told my boyfriend So I told my boyfriend about my diagnosis.  We’ve been together over a year and it just never came up because I felt like I was “cured”. But we have been working on our relationship lately and being honest and open, so I told him. He accused me of hiding other things from him. And once he read up on BPD, said “it all made sense why I was a psycho” and that I’m delusional. He just kept throwing it in my face. What should I do? I don’t want to lose him but I can’t handle being treated like this.",1.5204587155963305,3.3319194403669776,3.2756788990825685,90.99168348623851,79.36697247706422,6.194862385321102,21.90917431192661,7.1686216300943375,0.5629845871559636,405,12,90,5,10,135,72,109,0.05,0.868,0.08199999999999999,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,0,11,1,1,1,2,19,21,9,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,12,2,18,4,10,6,1,13,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,0,6,62,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115767244827287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25032180204425025,0.0,0.0,0.2273198989757577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083355784715908,0.2177236365888668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420146447041545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942008533509821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223531961039824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880644105827928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532901721024117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116649140443645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880627409486856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21338579198098595,0.0,0.0,0.18905913075711286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204232211897246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5697495613372258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722936742239567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934320721389813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469417901258466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799008646226076
bpd,jles18,2019/09/18,"When your ex pops up a year later... This guy I was dating last year who ghosted me out of nowhere recently texted me after 10 months of no communication to hang out. Of course I never got over him to begin with and felt so elated and optimistic at first. After we hung out however I started to feel depressed about the whole thing again. Does he really care about me??? Why are all my relationships so inconsistent?? Anyway, I found out he is still talking to the girl who I’m sure caused him to ghost me in the first place. I’m just tired... I really really REALLY like him and love how we are when together, but when we’re apart I feel completely insecure and start to compare myself to this other girl. I’m 27 and feel too old to be doing this. 😕 at the same time I have a hard time “cutting off” my romantic crushes and if I cut things off with him this time how will I know it’s the right thing?? 

Not sure I’m even looking for answers here just needed to vent I guess since I really can’t talk to our mutual friends about this yet...thanks for reading...",2.694164070612672,4.4056721028037416,4.0447975077881635,87.23880581516096,75.6355140186916,7.746209761163032,22.16926272066459,8.515128840125781,1.203569885773624,826,22,176,16,18,272,132,214,0.08800000000000001,0.795,0.11599999999999999,0.8029,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,3,1,0,2,18,10,2,1,7,0,9,2,0,3,4,36,28,15,2,2,5,1,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,12,14,0,0,7,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,4,6,26,6,33,22,3,39,0,1,1,1,21,14,0,2,25,118,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174542683572435,0.13274153756607002,0.0,0.0,0.13548165188508868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129448327283932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307873912486828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534666390123262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600811740035945,0.0,0.12406866254167828,0.0,0.0,0.2198239676597506,0.0,0.14167986069524144,0.09983279691759377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334670457823528,0.0,0.14234718374479818,0.1279452265341021,0.0,0.0,0.1157531245359686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101432887830157,0.10532916809998066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312893919581566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085098046189358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662346136132172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313984194748084,0.0,0.0,0.09581282890450116,0.09966017952021863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559159077201888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500434810246786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925204984963728,0.0,0.4138988571989168,0.0,0.1275862794838393,0.13873078778776135,0.0,0.11035068188867718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688970541712377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829210312515587,0.0,0.10319292849960957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435711408863065,0.0,0.0,0.2077195915055364,0.0,0.11896572812541448,0.0,0.0,0.2575382624892289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604255872769305,0.14851602701139918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165983179582304,0.14426625730222967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664231283544437
bpd,exgfbff,2019/09/18,"Is anyone else triggered by porn? I don’t know if it’s a BPD thing but I don’t just not like porn, I get so fucking triggered by it and have the weirdest almost jealous yet grossed the fuck out feeling when I see it or even hear it.",3.878235294117648,3.4417654509803945,4.690980392156863,91.7094117647059,70.9607843137255,6.8000000000000025,30.72549019607843,3.1291,0.9905372549019608,182,7,43,0,3,59,39,51,0.273,0.6940000000000001,0.033,-0.9149,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,3,0,4,4,0,2,0,12,11,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,4,1,3,11,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,3,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879111630394853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010416573863457,0.29459966563617257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621231548891824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401872468715862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990518180669894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537946561715365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316178270780639,0.15021807144140026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240575292107624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801424941601966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046843927161715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911734087853325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910164511206396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clubsodafanaccount,2019/09/18,"Need some support/advice about FP Hey I’m new to reddit but I have been reading the posts on here the past few days and it has been helping me a lot. I was diagnosed with bpd a few years ago. I was on mood stabilizers for a while and went to Dbt group therapy. Basically when my therapist was firm about me having to stop drinking if I wanted treatment to work, I stopped going to therapy and taking meds.
I’ve now been sober for a few months and I’m in the process of trying to find a therapist and a psychiatrist.
My current FP is my ex boyfriend. We had a very intense 6 month relationship that ended in January but we have been in contact to varying degrees the past 8 months. Over the past few months we were sleeping almost exclusively with each other. He was taking me on dates, buying me presents, and even sometimes saying “I love you” back to me after I’d say it to him. About a month ago he got distant and I could tell that he started sleeping with someone else. When he finally confessed that it was true, I was strangely calm and accepted it without freaking out. He was shocked with my reaction and seemed to want to be around me more afterwards. But of course, I started obsessing over this person he slept with. Is she better than me? Does he have feelings for her? I’ve been having nightmares about it almost every night. I would ask him obsessively about it and he kept saying “no it’s not serious”. I’ve driven him crazy over it and he has basically said “I don’t want to date you and we shouldn’t talk anymore.” Because I’ve pushed him away with my obsession over him sleeping with someone else.
At the same time, he has a lot of issues. I feel like he’s sort of drug me along because he wants me in his life, but isn’t willing to commit. When I start to pull away, he starts saying that he doesn’t want to forget what’s happened between us and that it makes him feel terrible to think of never seeing me again. It feels unfair and manipulative that he would continue to take me on dates, buy me things, act intimate and sincere with me and then expect me to just not think that meant he’d want to get back together at some point.
I’ve finally reached a point where I really don’t want to feel this way anymore and I’m trying to stop contacting him. It literally eats me alive. I feel like I will die if I can’t send him a text message. I feel like I am no one if I can’t perceive myself through what I imagine is “his” view of me. I no longer have alcohol to help me cope. I just want to crawl out of my skin. My mood swings have begun to cycle like every 15 minutes. The lows are really low though and I feel like there is no hope, no me without him. I’ve been thinking about suicide but I don’t think I’d actually go through with it. I feel like I don’t have any energy or drive to do anything unless he is giving me attention. 
I haven’t obsessively texted him in the last 36 hours though so I feel like that’s positive. 

Can anyone just let me know if it gets easier over time if i continue to not contact him?
I’ve had fp before obviously but I would just dissociate from the pain of one fp and instantly latch on to another one. I can’t seem to do that this time and I also don’t want to continue that cycle.",3.3042900302114826,4.577952262839883,4.617708761329308,85.53778972809668,73.19939577039275,7.894187311178249,26.684108761329302,8.426882951386363,1.6867491480362538,2546,89,537,43,50,844,285,662,0.10400000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.136,0.9540000000000001,1,0,3,1,0,1,49.0,5,2,0,3,27,27,0,4,20,0,58,13,5,2,4,120,113,42,2,22,22,1,11,7,0,6,5,5,0,1,30,38,3,4,24,2,2,9,23,11,0,3,23,18,84,14,87,80,11,88,1,2,2,1,62,27,0,16,57,354,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.05806650823027669,0.0,0.0,0.0581458068028523,0.10549193588291744,0.0635907901917475,0.11916765445347388,0.0,0.0,0.04758466170376406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040464194479741096,0.06239425949969603,0.0,0.0,0.11802230674065176,0.04160599836638512,0.0,0.04896603701037802,0.05297043464820727,0.055627429452916516,0.0,0.1118103695384534,0.0915085260844798,0.0,0.07254515747073756,0.0,0.050632813088776964,0.0,0.0,0.05262571634814328,0.0,0.0,0.07494215669838003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750843758361672,0.0,0.0,0.038374620585785335,0.0,0.0,0.0603944626734763,0.061754893723553625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207162303026094,0.0,0.0,0.05829045124363734,0.0690047835149019,0.06088659552893488,0.09941452265051287,0.0,0.0527021450974416,0.0,0.0,0.03930128107148313,0.0,0.10026797025875164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008658945419164,0.255054449322044,0.0,0.13036562342499947,0.054384817277855935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062175898430659335,0.05708086043560497,0.06763404289849127,0.0,0.04759011891948242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261845467600855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976743805928231,0.0,0.0,0.05910007159614796,0.05859863417424532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062105847660022716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270138482013429,0.048503023449321364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084602042594424,0.0420288470571528,0.2034916947855581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117493063319354,0.053703931998967815,0.0,0.03971882648272226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609460527461321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374743037839905,0.0,0.0,0.04412084488021024,0.045892511176432886,0.057468530142676826,0.0,0.055839692021909436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096265914241552,0.0,0.06331556570738057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704075194515158,0.0,0.05195587088270846,0.0,0.0,0.1124994531810246,0.0,0.056987586452230024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059519270092203085,0.0,0.07623850577576169,0.0,0.0,0.0638841336601599,0.0,0.0,0.0566011385614524,0.1892772289173408,0.0,0.0,0.04741632074781231,0.10833889816451746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863842049814702,0.0,0.10083368177726253,0.0,0.05885015433743529,0.0,0.16846659340832726,0.0,0.0,0.14924193769286595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508680769790676,0.06752348955013503,0.0,0.0,0.13421693052680025,0.047826392249263085,0.0520083912693113,0.0,0.13609411601192395,0.13817552778860093,0.03953126061831695,0.15250890889249855,0.11692312028261702,0.0,0.10409032677545577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079748994195653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157498429923106,0.0,0.0,0.04909634502006596,0.3158685897971165,0.047230844867818506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516003258532659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471786055527447,0.0,0.04331901475760265,0.0,0.0,0.12680802929300522,0.0,0.0,0.03831808910435363
bpd,anonadada,2019/09/18,"my mum just said that she loves me I've always had trouble showing love to my family members like even saying I love you was an impossible task and now that I'm away I'm starting to open up through text so I sent my mum a heart and she said ""I love you more"" and well... I'm fucking crying so much I didn't know where to post this",2.5163013698630152,2.953513232876716,4.005369863013701,92.3502465753425,74.2054794520548,6.935890410958903,24.189041095890413,6.742157984588678,0.5179008219178081,258,7,63,2,5,86,50,73,0.07400000000000001,0.696,0.23,0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,7,8,1,0,2,0,3,6,1,0,0,6,16,5,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,6,3,12,6,6,10,2,8,0,0,0,5,14,4,1,0,3,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025780161988332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095310593153227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156096413140754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720982689404647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156520180657232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780546773737485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282307492147489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584737669488636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409414568796652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6953124892486391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158242999712714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445660828490945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664115185106652,0.15316245977940005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632256761506048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731696364353249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shiney1992,2019/09/18,"BPD abandonment issues I have an extream abandonment issues. 
To the point of not wanting my So to go to work or go anywhere without me. 
I'm not afraid of him cheating of doing anything bad (which what most people assume when you tell them that) 
I have extreme panic attacks and cant connect with my child if my SO leaves.
When he's here I connect with my child perfectly. 
When he's gone, I depressivly go through the motions like feeding him, changing him exc. His normal everyday needs but I can't connect emotionally.
I need some insight on how youve Gotten over this or helped this.
I've tried talking to friends that have kids and they don't understand.
I also get worried avout people thinking I'm a bad mom. 
I love my child so much and want to get over this.",3.857626931567328,5.561990033112585,4.5559105960264885,84.81126103752759,72.50993377483444,6.887637969094922,30.46412803532009,7.492282038375204,1.9330392935982343,609,27,116,7,12,195,96,151,0.131,0.7659999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.3516,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,2,9,12,2,2,4,0,7,2,0,1,1,27,23,15,0,6,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,5,1,2,4,0,0,5,6,8,0,0,2,0,21,4,15,21,3,13,0,2,0,1,19,4,0,6,5,75,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066252438586246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445563708697045,0.0,0.0,0.18587914430371036,0.0,0.0,0.2728468159893089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578335594968875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728444266784546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837911962498995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623432265263995,0.0,0.17072854054285097,0.0,0.2785740550564701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951653797082993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410723768470321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300588927195265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982385674060065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746540320316626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135980805880368,0.0,0.0,0.12011008258213175,0.2423024883932002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008701945135942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170237440711865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654741374942036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445588996904708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313262912839588,0.1428096249754008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469339443497123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093074555810356,0.0,0.0,0.17009423208760016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274272114560154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575016477537743,0.0,0.1189495022024935,0.16592996870396018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rochinaski,2019/09/18,"Just got diagnosed Hello! I got diagnosed bpd by my  psyquiatrist yesterday and i'm scared to say it to my parents and even my therapist. I really think that i have bpd but my turmoils are mostly inner and most people don't know i self harm so i feel that when i tell other people they would say that i'm faking it or that the doctor Is wrong, what should i do?",2.718,4.175647400000003,4.389000000000003,85.85950000000003,75.0,7.666666666666668,21.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.1431333333333331,285,7,59,5,6,96,50,75,0.135,0.815,0.05,-0.7443,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,13,14,7,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,12,0,3,10,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,2,42,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.480561506068071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872754030464812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527143159836788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260084020408554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964641089710634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051684156081865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484770809921856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183863175638126,0.0,0.0,0.2645256849000584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221856419022475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30343185397970585,0.1910040790139845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902516546706156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675014396201662,0.0,0.0,0.2215103042840373,0.0,0.12224413163265956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552465043992154,0.2085879996087886,0.0,0.0
bpd,ginja_ninja_kick,2019/09/18,"I really just have to say this. I had to create a new account today. As I browsed the sub universe, I found this one. I immediately felt my heart get so full, and it really caught me off guard. You can never explain to someone well enough for them to really feel and experience the torment we feel each day. 

My husband is amazing and supportive and he tries so so hard to understand. But you know, he’s not experiencing it so he’ll never truly know. Not his fault. It’s just a complex disorder.

When I started reading posts and comments, I won’t lie, my eyes welled up with tears. It was overwhelming to see my exact thoughts and struggles all over the place. The *hard* stuff. The stuff no one understands. So, I felt compelled to say thank you to all you wonderful people in this sub. I’m so happy to have found you! I feel a little less crazy and a little more hopeful. 

Always sending good vibes and offering support should anyone ever need an ear. Have a great day!",2.4833667502088552,4.868658645502649,3.835505430242275,85.28127819548875,78.94708994708995,6.730270119743804,24.762183235867447,7.85451343220497,1.4973005291005297,760,28,147,13,19,249,117,189,0.078,0.727,0.195,0.9746,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,5,1,0,12,13,0,2,11,0,9,3,3,1,6,42,34,17,0,3,5,1,7,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,9,11,0,1,15,1,1,2,6,3,2,2,8,13,22,10,16,23,7,20,0,1,2,0,18,8,0,2,9,102,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786862414281224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224210250245287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170934978734898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480183107942784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153210929992325,0.0,0.0,0.10639333008374596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505417924296027,0.0,0.0,0.17841545481384127,0.0,0.2258658176926904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25792683608374695,0.0,0.0,0.061451194691769885,0.0,0.0,0.09865343224024793,0.0,0.12967561962349222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252078606575766,0.21072746000641066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393793574287954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168224375560154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928090890483335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23577074231009934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721317092740967,0.18143040698268825,0.1135973881707858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940367259155122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154236652505327,0.0,0.12288706451554228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126467122624872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765106244269265,0.0,0.22604967743220145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707106995630848,0.0,0.0,0.09372730049380078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965839443868924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325149850580592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296116021318705,0.2692917632780109,0.0,0.266945823532608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828798711127607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337653281239117,0.0,0.0,0.11148928003548156,0.0,0.0,0.07985573848308343,0.0,0.0,0.2448915392523665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21150763195210984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755304089641686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IntrovertishSag,2019/09/18,"Abusive Relationship? Hey everyone! First-time poster needing some help/guidance. 

Some background. My(27f) SO (33m) was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago, though his current therapist thinks it's more likely he has PTSD (he had drug problems, sober 4 years now). I, on the other hand, have been diagnosed with OCD, but suspect BPD might be the real culprit of my anxious attachment. We've been dating over 2 years (broken up a few times during) and are currently in couples counseling. We've been struggling with communication lately. I need constant reassurance. He is tired of it and wants me to leave him alone.

Moving on! 

The last few weeks, I noticed he'd been in a depressive mood. He would play video games all night,  slept all day and kept ignoring our therapy-mandated one-on-one time, so I was a little annoyed, but really concerned. I asked him what was going on and he kept saying he felt numb but it had nothing to do with me. I left it at that as I wanted to practice some non-reassurance seeking/self-soothing techniques on my part. This weekend, however, things seemed to get worse. He would barely talk to me, slept until 5pm, and would lash out if I asked anything, especially if there was anything I could do. Again, I left it at that. 

But this weekend, I finally had enough and asked again what was going on and that it was worrying me and he got really angry and started yelling at me to stop being ""so fucking desperate"" and that it's not all about me and that this is why he doesn't want to do anything with me. He kept saying I just wanted him to reassure me that he was still invested in the relationship and he was not answering that anymore. I started to cry and say that I wasn't asking for reassurance, but I wanted to help because I felt distant and worried. He kept yelling at then punched his laptop and threw it on the ground. Then yelled ""Are you happy now?"" And started accusing me of nagging him and being jealous of him enjoying something and me being upset because I wasn't getting all of his attention. I kept apologizing and telling him I loved him and I just wanted to help, but he kept yelling over me and then left the house. 

He came back the next day to pick up some clothes and toiletries and glared at me while very sternly saying ""I'm not here to talk."" Then I cried, begging him to stay home and asked for 5 minutes of his time. He said, ""Fine go."" He gave me exactly 5 minutes and after I was done, left without saying a word. It's been 2 days since and I have not heard from him.   


I want to give him space, but I'm afraid he'll just make up his mind that he doesn't want to do this anymore and I really love him and want to make things better. At the same time, I'm wondering am I abusive? Is he? Where do I go from here?

​

TL;DR: My boyfriend got angry at my reassurance behavior, turned violent, and hasn't spoken to me in days. What do I do?",3.845956937799041,5.3830919736842135,4.6780622009569415,84.59666267942585,72.24561403508774,7.778309409888357,28.393141945773525,8.367750914986694,1.9563859649122808,2275,88,452,37,44,735,254,570,0.16399999999999998,0.747,0.08900000000000001,-0.991,3,1,2,0,3,0,91.0,1,1,0,1,19,25,5,3,13,0,49,11,3,3,5,102,105,49,0,18,17,0,3,1,0,5,5,11,1,0,28,36,0,8,8,5,1,7,10,12,0,0,37,14,65,12,62,57,14,80,0,1,0,3,69,31,1,9,42,294,93,1,0.0,0.1517633895602321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056771162255064164,0.0,0.0,0.0663302932322738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939167223749686,0.07782049799597393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235151666108994,0.12702892348334432,0.0,0.0,0.15810832224307278,0.0,0.2993625813075108,0.0,0.0,0.04924590053811895,0.0,0.07808128405495184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664173392182894,0.0,0.0,0.1613224101751317,0.0,0.0,0.07324930086803642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920883688111408,0.0,0.05113394111067483,0.0708634933885973,0.14069870413038454,0.16521238659759405,0.0,0.055161023224342166,0.13000667059702906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553927120903383,0.0,0.0,0.07427073412792379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617459587633906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119680858834225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298461117964075,0.07015709682451378,0.0,0.054475813305230304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059207667335263815,0.06692071746752233,0.06143686268199675,0.14559077681986055,0.0,0.1024437115615862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817605345027396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287820760184079,0.0,0.06424137696824674,0.0,0.0,0.07389820390600815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052204426642785635,0.07224444758265182,0.06781337320270671,0.278336073817181,0.0,0.0,0.031288674682748575,0.06418893608326913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560446252999472,0.0,0.08549976541653374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794058768272085,0.06466620640053353,0.0,0.0,0.068068661081707,0.0,0.09497566321296562,0.0,0.0,0.06811154509703607,0.06010097718875916,0.0,0.06145196741115699,0.07291454474450583,0.0,0.0,0.04339788750361478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935343593878507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128148074238951,0.07486403574333361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289611927305409,0.12308472335600433,0.0,0.0,0.13751862593821015,0.0,0.0,0.060920531871932825,0.25465188841499203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058303273276347774,0.06681188354296277,0.0,0.0,0.052977877695003166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493042178660664,0.0,0.0,0.13599206748215714,0.06826240726269077,0.051145639551605636,0.05354367098685416,0.0,0.06695271835949755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295231959609642,0.05597729901652231,0.0,0.0,0.07436004697526884,0.0850960063222468,0.041036823998036334,0.06292292749561458,0.0,0.1493783395187198,0.0736091832609469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966150639443458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284302626426865,0.3399734171634291,0.0,0.051372252229695416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778976940883816,0.0,0.0,0.061736152821818914,0.06945301108275809,0.0,0.13007962839400625,0.06526633094084502,0.13648510942539044,0.0,0.07782049799597393,0.12372675327116794
bpd,itsjustmei,2019/09/18,"Extremely manipulative Hello Im new here and also diagnosed with BPD. I know some people who have BPD are not manipulative, just wanted to point that out. 

So 1 and a half years ago i think I was diagnosed with BPD when I was still dating my husband. I was very toxic and manipulative in a very very unhealthy way. Also became extrenely violent sonI had to take antipsychotic. Im a lot better now, I stopped taking meds more than 6 months ago and still go to therapies but just not consistent, nothing I ever do is consistent anymore ever since I was diagnosed with MDD. Now I think all the horrible stuff I did to my husband has takenttoll. Its been more than 2 years and our marriage is not bad but also not good. My therapist adviced us to let him heal but our relationship feels very indifferent Im losing hope.",3.7664285714285697,6.043306448717949,5.548021978021982,75.13269230769235,74.25641025641026,9.072527472527472,27.809523809523807,9.606745405546679,2.9299446886446887,650,26,117,18,14,222,96,156,0.132,0.8079999999999999,0.061,-0.878,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,0,2,14,6,1,0,4,0,14,4,0,3,3,33,23,13,0,2,9,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,7,1,17,3,12,15,5,20,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,3,15,83,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401452543336916,0.18870997327653916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553664456908855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556250657767316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887516644469451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413987375052993,0.0,0.0,0.4021823735475007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32411114674619035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192566941345598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382060196699927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060493810835570073,0.08927904448895542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572156855599638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449289822028985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584980965972837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088448210990034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908209811620042,0.0,0.09049373440845812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118233788115698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849615075235308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280297443306913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213459322753017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379393097034984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062270933665844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427957080230068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805045983693949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001047520625742,0.08899082139326575,0.0,0.0,0.12185136780470908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006325135021066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172644657980525,0.1235881204483658,0.0,0.13640830401235413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803740173436146,0.0,0.0,0.351305334542171,0.06278263266773798,0.0844892208891361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370911531838056
bpd,NewHereThrowinItOut,2019/09/18,"Has anyone here dated someone with NPD?What did it look like for you? I have BPD, and I've been in recovery for a few years. Things have been going great, but I've noticed as I've gotten better, my partner hasn't reacted the same way as everyone else in my life has.

To my support system, my diagnosis isn't a big deal, and they've seen a change in me that's caused us all to get closer and rely on each other more as well as have more fulfilling relationships with one another. 

My partner, on the other hand, continues to use and bring up my symptomology a lot to explain to me my own feelings and experiences. He's insulted me, yelled at, and mocked me now more than ever before with no apologies for his behavior and remains unwilling to communicate with me at all (because I can't listen, because I have BPD of course). As I've gotten better and better, I've gotten tired/bored of this narrative and have engaged with him less and less. It's starting to seem like my BPD diagnosis is more about him and his sense of control than it is about me and my recovery.

I've also been doing research/asking my support system about it, and many people think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? If you have dated a narcissist, what did it look like for you?",8.452093023255811,6.707089364341087,8.894224806201553,69.58924418604654,62.33333333333333,12.010852713178297,37.003875968992254,10.864195022040775,3.9091410852713184,1048,40,195,22,12,352,132,258,0.057999999999999996,0.7909999999999999,0.151,0.9759,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,3,0,4,8,13,2,0,9,0,19,2,1,4,3,35,38,21,0,1,2,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,0,2,12,20,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,9,8,27,11,40,29,13,23,0,0,3,0,18,11,0,3,10,142,39,0,0.0,0.1408290580730029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505189017801474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463453746135444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621863625250785,0.12178559234712916,0.0,0.0,0.11111757709156164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491128220650726,0.0,0.1011406704765472,0.0,0.0,0.3153646762482322,0.0,0.0,0.4490980954668327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210143625739515,0.12573757884858386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331102341485965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225389137565732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040147395494004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858370220017404,0.13370092674806466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075152123716422,0.0,0.11357533507314885,0.0,0.1162673873053408,0.0,0.0,0.06009892881942301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209917710608565,0.0,0.06755058655144335,0.0,0.0,0.13104300591277418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395397196801041,0.1742062270759428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962406997714352,0.0,0.0,0.10105008684504163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050486581671463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532231569083664,0.0,0.0,0.08054226565711484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240220366564838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255221217903617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820521447067737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070925906970453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412935787481869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697606784771179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789649628336753,0.07616036102906633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297333013435046,0.10265643567454667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434512968357647,0.0,0.0,0.10686895480033633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654161376732656
bpd,oakkiedokkiee,2019/09/18,"Major Milestone! Today I woke feeling god damn awful, I couldn’t stay grounded and had zero motivation. Usually with this going on, I quit that day, I just stay dissociated and accept that this is how my life goes. 

Not today though! I had a super important interview with a company for a full time position, that I really need in order to start moving toward the person I so badly want to be. Nothing was going to stop me from getting that position. I went in nervous as all heck because it was a group interview, but managed perfectly, answered all the questions directly and without being too shaky. 

Within half an hour of the interview being finished I got a call saying I had gotten the position and that I could start as early as tomorrow! I’m so overjoyed to finally have landed myself my first full time position and honestly can’t wait to continue to flourish in this new job! 

Living with BPD can throw some incredibly difficult symptoms and struggles, but I’m sharing this with all so that you know that even with these struggles, you can achieve anything you want to with the right mindset and determination. So don’t give up on those dreams, fight for them, because you are stronger, smarter and more capable than you think. 

Hope everyone is having an amazing day/night!",8.919774011299438,8.306990355932204,8.880000000000003,66.42587570621471,60.69491525423729,11.934463276836158,40.00564971751413,11.20814326018867,4.718944632768362,1028,48,166,24,12,336,146,236,0.085,0.68,0.235,0.9917,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,5,1,6,9,15,2,4,12,1,19,2,0,2,4,41,39,19,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,14,14,0,2,7,1,0,5,5,8,0,3,9,2,21,7,30,25,8,38,0,0,0,0,17,13,2,4,17,126,35,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442369343900312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609829496540387,0.16952331382579652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751246146772246,0.0,0.14198235968185727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101757932098183,0.0,0.0,0.17934740443933925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183911975825967,0.0,0.0,0.13286520467769916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030625508047401,0.0,0.0,0.15231900558549516,0.0,0.11827316246949438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264622966952085,0.13338638931171615,0.15804703552009194,0.0,0.11120845203001492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810487610233835,0.13693311858742102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798252338469674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641650131696108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982128880522462,0.0,0.0,0.12278089824594395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778477498058248,0.0,0.10310146250498073,0.0,0.134292294760184,0.0,0.13048603055806066,0.0,0.13341918338999853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141032857079005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557642718350166,0.1478934191970719,0.0,0.0,0.08907695972296614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874523298424405,0.0,0.11057562005697742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683612372777973,0.29641083977956345,0.0,0.11624937589015005,0.0,0.2907238738020591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452289633253093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909559412646345,0.13661280438433598,0.0,0.16215864938380425,0.0,0.26360027282697723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314043873200567,0.0,0.16402684569259146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889780435551948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403618211305293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Delusion101,2019/09/18,Pain DEA experiencing chronic chest pain/tension/heartache?,12.596250000000005,17.984836125,8.180000000000003,50.66500000000002,62.75,8.200000000000001,58.0,8.841846274778883,7.322600000000001,51,4,5,1,1,14,7,8,0.39799999999999996,0.602,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crwcc,2019/09/18,"scared of leaving a toxic relationship because i'm lonely my boyfriend and I have been through a lot of bad things,  
I lashed out at him a few times in the past before knowing I have bpd but am trying to get better now, I don't want to defend it, I know it's my fault, however he's constantly behaving in ways I cannot stand, much different from back when we first met last year,  
he's naturally not very emotional and quite insensitive, which is already difficult to deal with but the worst thing is him toying with my feelings and saying that my bpd is my fault, that it makes me evil and I have to cure myself, fix myself,  
that when i lashed out i was showing my real evil self hidden under my thin fake layer of goodness,  
there have been many other bad things but I think this is the worst part,  
and despite that I can't get myself to leave, I know we won't make it, I know that I can't be happy like that and he's not how he used to be,  
all my ""friends"" left me very recently because we graduated, one friend I was supposed to move in with abroad but she left me too, I have no one, and my gad is making it difficult to try to socialise with strangers,  
he's the only person I have left and I can't stand the thought of losing him no matter how unhealthy things may get,  
I'm trapped, I have never been this alone in my life",5.517826086956521,4.747151942028988,6.079478260869568,84.24813043478264,67.62318840579711,9.099130434782607,29.269565217391303,8.238735603445708,1.7394147826086956,1040,30,229,12,15,339,142,276,0.27899999999999997,0.679,0.043,-0.9973,2,4,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,0,4,8,20,2,1,8,0,27,1,0,6,2,43,45,16,0,1,6,0,2,1,2,2,1,1,0,2,19,17,0,0,7,2,0,1,11,14,0,3,7,3,42,6,27,34,7,28,0,2,0,0,20,12,0,2,13,158,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196647290588352,0.11929900170927203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312777645982547,0.1805300203406312,0.13180231157702166,0.0,0.0919912788036882,0.0,0.0,0.09561204779078168,0.0,0.0,0.27231450952182873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168254952885776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145379328186213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294903183725814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160606777512625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546622569415588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195594316321026,0.0,0.0,0.1670467346561218,0.0,0.1694446760456325,0.0,0.0,0.09067520412247504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150821422534588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23765159585197634,0.08812181035892991,0.0,0.22893986573432035,0.35237642126785484,0.0,0.07635932415315666,0.05281572529551865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094432255438008,0.0,0.09190888955254307,0.0,0.0,0.21648721952231206,0.10960374947402532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490086241675818,0.07947124313342463,0.0,0.08337894999494665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651249552992504,0.08222040967721002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706958054259935,0.10320057077494924,0.0,0.0943950515939052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498533197170975,0.0,0.12304968010542708,0.0,0.0,0.1067428341824944,0.1160666925687064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597119769938301,0.10823418321398842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277940416015482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872865239088926,0.06927073918141548,0.0,0.08582505424031538,0.06303818734028559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467954073745945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933699247853008,0.0,0.17839955109995845,0.06376443727730265,0.08581047651354556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961750301810668
bpd,daynaj,2019/09/18,"What do you do when they’re going to leave you? He said it. He’s been thinking of breaking up for the past month. He doesn’t love me like he used to. Yet he says he still loves me, it isn’t my fault, he feels like he holds me back and doesn’t want to hurt me all the time. I want to work together and grow together. I can help him, I’d do anything for him. I think he has PTSD from a friends suicide years ago that he never dealt with but he refuses to get help even though I’m getting help for him.

I’ve been crying and shaking for hours.

I can’t lose him. 4 years of memories and living together and a dog, and he’s my best friend. We talked about getting married and having kids. I can’t fucking lose him.",1.2839210789210789,2.6628554740259744,2.66896103896104,97.02673826173826,78.67532467532467,6.037162837162838,21.586413586413585,6.67199483983844,0.1306769230769227,549,15,135,5,13,178,91,154,0.126,0.684,0.19,0.8641,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,2,0,4,7,13,1,1,4,0,13,3,0,1,2,20,28,10,1,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,4,9,0,2,3,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,3,3,19,7,15,25,2,17,0,3,0,3,32,1,1,0,14,72,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341442822007599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245311090747868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636288067057675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588107503863895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622811584647376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995156681465604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651663442181726,0.10810967283916048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338332634290289,0.13990148730417898,0.2371899196472729,0.0,0.08600392116249601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30429849348860233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902886468920998,0.0,0.16200113155431398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023586466345205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478636913393822,0.0,0.13362653286416373,0.0,0.0,0.33859752714498675,0.0,0.0,0.2731611795371946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207895930835301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671447525592014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446092766627142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689583828355898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394880595420548,0.12034312290109908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208517640439345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552967819388426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163274860459322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939313933466089,0.14868025609457616,0.0,0.0882413241825633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069991618581894,0.0,0.0,0.17851586850782994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101695232278645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490219854959107
bpd,sensedata42,2019/09/18,"What would you like to read about BPD? Hey, everyone. I have a blog about BPD and I'm looking for ideas for a post. What would you like to know about BPD? What should be said about BPD? What is important to put out there about our condition? Help me brainstorm, please. Thanks",0.6977777777777767,3.226413129629634,0.5906481481481514,102.85041666666667,93.62962962962965,4.922222222222223,16.00925925925926,6.6274283507984215,-0.4376962962962967,215,5,49,3,8,62,36,54,0.0,0.738,0.262,0.9282,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,11,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8185105190519729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524883216036214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890146815517356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341096248260413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929028947810165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158751095568325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364354492773002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834532134161962,0.0,0.0,0.1556031378782774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332910206324774,0.0,0.0,0.16251583488861887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545479518601461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495822669886147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083070652813484,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,full-moon-mentality,2019/09/18,DAE ever get sudden urges to just leave when stressed or facing any kind of struggle? I’ve had this problem for years. If I start getting stressed out or feel like I have too much on my plate I’ll literally get in my car and drive for hours until I’m far enough away and I usually end up just parking in a Walmart parking lot or some random store and sleep there that night and sometimes a few nights. It’s always on impulse and not planned out. I hate that I can’t ever just face my problems. I have a bad “run away” complex as long as I can remember.,2.7749758454106264,4.124845260869567,3.655942028985507,91.60990338164257,74.65217391304347,6.154589371980678,26.690821256038646,6.42735559955562,0.8694444444444454,435,16,95,3,9,139,82,115,0.157,0.795,0.048,-0.8865,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,3,3,0,5,3,3,0,2,25,12,13,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,1,3,2,7,0,0,1,1,10,2,16,11,5,26,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,7,14,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309654517173874,0.0,0.0,0.10877584247684093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30056862123577843,0.0,0.13355691917100032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416738997777672,0.1652777283519409,0.0,0.0,0.28937945715471675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087876596117705,0.11427288972873012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507118634328267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792383687431838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752484096741426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656998402039594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937074003096736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814662116518631,0.0,0.0,0.14155638741250307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598921785866205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175863645898108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002165060456874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30611335945511425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119942845571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600719264546071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820097743825384,0.0,0.1132179687672326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366459049511415,0.1672211677442469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616938477551966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300668227846538
bpd,nosebrewski,2019/09/18,"Self harm I cut again for the first time in a while. It’s been almost a year, and I thought I was past this, but I guess not. I’m not even 100% sure why I do it. Part of me thinks it’s just a way to make me feel something other than emptiness and apathy, another part of me thinks it’s something that will make me feel better for all the awful shit I’ve done to people in the past, and then another part of me thinks it’s just me seeking attention. Like “I’m too much of a pussy to just kill myself so I better make everyone think I’m gonna kill myself by cutting.” But then I’m also always ashamed of the cuts and do everything I can to hide them. Does anyone else have any similar experiences and maybe some better insight?",4.49750360750361,4.156792415584416,5.565151515151516,85.6399494949495,69.64935064935065,8.922366522366524,26.85137085137085,8.515128840125781,1.5365621933621934,568,15,128,8,9,189,89,154,0.259,0.657,0.084,-0.9846,0,0,2,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,4,8,13,6,1,8,1,8,1,1,3,2,29,24,12,2,0,7,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,4,2,16,5,15,18,6,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,10,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465248631982935,0.0,0.0,0.09954960377906884,0.10358044581625286,0.0,0.0,0.08465321352444903,0.2610641155736876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704192703924579,0.12754830484118124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302872621220877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893656180780348,0.12739008825179096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399019332484792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222033778515825,0.0,0.0,0.11894955044483785,0.11187796086221596,0.12176898657141424,0.0,0.0,0.12588544089581574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588580764664993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713287661492599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754456342092003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608164685933754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249281593943442,0.0,0.12506065093838206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150987390701433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40441128632457096,0.2376676353959169,0.08630135297756329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986369216191776,0.0,0.12778077263835144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166733316613327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732445395618595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190566226474905,0.0,0.0988261864534833,0.07258747123347907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880940043270448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232721525941834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016344871077898
bpd,IlIlIlIlIlIlIIIl,2019/09/18,FP I have struggled with getting too attached to my FP. I obsess about it and he’s actually dealt with me for two and a half years. I am always waiting for something I do wrong and thinking he’s going to leave me. I love him so much but don’t know how to express it.,1.2610344827586208,2.7349306206896564,3.3788275862068997,91.49893103448278,79.0,5.329655172413793,25.393103448275863,5.6839178017228535,0.5372786206896549,208,8,47,1,5,71,42,58,0.12,0.831,0.049,-0.1901,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,9,1,8,10,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.3136639324740924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674509212821696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793102772366778,0.0,0.18267294272742896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664649162912194,0.0,0.0,0.3403421208347304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900981480290609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362839809191656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474482728425147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360226616954703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059558321935205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313985018195302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514272175788627,0.0,0.2069868307854846
bpd,_quiche_,2019/09/18,"How I experience bpd TRIGGER WARNING!! Contains mentions of selfharm and suicide
So for context this is a short story I had to write for English on an inner conflict so I chose to do mine about bpd and my experience
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Rollercoasters aren't so fun anymore

Irritation. Annoyance. Exhaustion. Melancholy. Grumpy. Excited.

So many emotions running wild around my mess of a head and yet all that’s happened today is my alarm going off. I sit up slowly, taking my medication in grimacing gulps, I hate it. I hate everything about those silly little serotonin pills, they make me feel weak and stupid, and so unbelievably unmotivated. A thought flies through my head at a rapid pace ‘What if it’s not the meds? What if you’re just stupid and lazy?’ I push it back, ignorance is the easiest coping mechanism and I’ll be damned if I don’t exploit the fuck out of it.

I’d give anything in this whole fucking world to get of this damned rollercoaster. Make the ‘what ifs’, the racing thoughts and emotions all stop, just for 5 minutes at least. I just want off this stupid fucking rollercoaster. Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up, up, up, up and down, down, down, down. Never ending. I can’t catch a break from my own head. I need to leave for school before my meds kick in and I talk myself into skipping school today…. Again.

The bus pulls up, I smile weakly. I don’t want to go, “Good morning,” I mumble to the driver, he nods back. Calm.

Station, train, solitaire, ramp, oval, stairs, bench, and back to reality I stumble. What happened? Why am I at school already?

‘Because you walked here dumbass’ my head taunts me. Ignore it.

Class. I need to get to class, I bumble down the hall humming quietly to myself. Nothing feels real, when nothing feels real you forget about the consequences that your actions hold. Nothing matters so it doesn’t matter who I am or what I choice to do. If it even is me that chooses. Do you know who you are? Do you know what you’re doing? Unfortunately, I don’t. I take a left and head to math, I sigh in anticipation and open the door. Head down, pen, book, calculator, pencil, eraser. I don’t think, allowing myself to move solely on autopilot. I hear snickering and giggling ‘they’re talking about you, they’re all laughing at you, and why shouldn’t they? You look ridiculous.’

 “shut up” I mumble to myself. Ignore it.

I feel my head spinning, she screams at me ‘they hate you, you know they do! Don’t lie to yourself honey, just think of how much happier you’ll be once you finally take the leap.’ Anger, sadness, longing, fear, annoyance, anxiety, panic, I’m trying my hardest to ignore it and keep my composure. I trigger so easily at the tiniest things that it’s so hard to ignore.

I hear their laughs reverberate in my skull, playing over and over again. Stress, tears, “are you okay?’ someone asks, and I break like glass. I can’t take it, I feel my stomach drop to the floor and suddenly I can taste my lunch. I can’t do it. I run out of my class to the bathroom in a desperate attempt to make it to a toilet. Chills run up my body and I feel the tension build in my head as I heave over a plant bed wishing I was anywhere but here. My head feels heavy like a breezeblock and I’m shaking violently, I pull myself together for long enough to find my way in front of the toilet and on my knees heaving once again. I look at my phone case and think of the blades hidden in there, ‘do it’ she whispers to me.

‘Ignore it rose, it’s okay’ I tell myself

‘But its not, is it? don’t lie to yourself, it’ll only hurt you more. If you hurry up and do it, you’ll die before anyone comes looking for you.’ She speaks softer now, coaxing me into thinking it was my own thoughts and not hers. ‘if you do It you won’t have to deal with anything anymore. It’ll be so quiet and calm, no more ‘what ifs’, racing thoughts and emotions, and not just for 5 minutes, forever.’ I listen.

I take off my phone case and does what needs to be done.

Pain, regret, worry, sadness, fear, shame, guilt, darkness, blank.",1.5582967187324428,3.9405664190358483,2.9750689684234177,90.106887080009,82.58467243510506,5.605579278570627,23.161043375660185,6.9321838712574015,0.7994423980222494,3159,113,645,39,88,1027,344,809,0.17300000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.046,-0.998,0,0,0,0,0,1,137.0,0,19,5,1,35,54,15,9,28,1,46,25,13,8,4,124,102,63,2,16,20,0,8,2,1,6,6,8,2,0,43,47,3,11,20,2,0,15,19,40,1,0,8,21,108,13,104,84,11,103,0,4,3,3,46,66,5,9,19,421,151,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634436707862282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398109727162308,0.0,0.1140329058325905,0.0401996285686113,0.0,0.094621765013788,0.051179923126090335,0.05374710594712168,0.0,0.0,0.1326230196567968,0.0,0.035046489680334574,0.0,0.09784263613283407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386046932538195,0.14481790999826408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04952412614444735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059271558584226,0.0,0.0,0.05966744910480589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031149322143055,0.058834109092456316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940117323446112,0.050920702323487665,0.059404435251045225,0.0,0.03797281554047907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051669955211893284,0.1124760950924251,0.0,0.1293885986393279,0.20348719845943675,0.0,0.0,0.0629794962934302,0.05254649666351828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945082825238782,0.060074222971935584,0.05515140792155508,0.06534787073657948,0.048221424457848085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167968162681212,0.0,0.051501392618287865,0.17028385679806396,0.5310288923111025,0.0,0.12959495537882804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154619964355401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110138553596651,0.0,0.0,0.09478802877452773,0.0,0.0,0.06087555328789743,0.0624650481659186,0.0,0.0,0.05617521420926227,0.05762192344200516,0.0,0.10175693161164097,0.14483598796187147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512874112954127,0.058287698127702375,0.0,0.0,0.1277209386507639,0.057916976445477025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110472329003524,0.04226311464547173,0.12788840402522955,0.04434124827693044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549490196874794,0.0,0.0,0.12245385827978525,0.0,0.04372513205250321,0.06117536711015699,0.06745428238163986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087659214423528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455442249578218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871264617851885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048065749312405336,0.06585670403366475,0.0,0.0,0.06288673741540142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613352908410027,0.09241952024640857,0.050250398826301966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038195021297439485,0.14735378867475754,0.0,0.18256838392335192,0.0,0.0,0.1089910766003235,0.0,0.0,0.03903318286392751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782034901430145,0.045634343489327205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375487963493944,0.06418758187891792,0.06611277423222324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058385750302516685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chiquitabrilliant,2019/09/18,"Sigh. Couldn’t stay away from my FP (ex)... I have such unhealthy relationship habits! 

Even if it’s just words on a screen he still feels more real to me than anyone else in my life right now. 

I know we aren’t really friends. I know he doesn’t really care.

But the illusion is better than being alone.",0.9950117096018758,3.359428360655741,2.3167681498829045,93.97360655737705,85.0655737704918,6.108665105386418,15.271662763466045,7.447530270364453,-0.08616814988290455,234,4,52,4,7,75,52,61,0.085,0.7390000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.6983,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,10,2,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,7,3,7,8,1,7,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26220201915408464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701846937282234,0.25939689597983995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23785633385615004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390338228545245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581180286685298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148641210400265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672127311644048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800755234688616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559422558906994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782651211133414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881753755902102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881565681454256,0.3243672578375136,0.0,0.0,0.2718038744833235,0.0,0.21620105650308424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698396184367721,0.2021774563003587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,privatekittensoul,2019/09/18,"Does anyone else feel like dying is the only way out? I know this sounds quite dramatic, but whatever, it’s what we all feel on the inside I guess. I sometimes picture my life w/o the thing that keeps me up, (think favorite person, or any meaningful relationship rly that you’re holding onto..) and I just feel like life is nothing. Sure I can work hard, make money, spend time w friends, travel.. but I’m not happy unless I’m in a relationship w someone I really want.

So I often times feel like well if I can’t be with so & so, I should just die. Insane way of thinking? Maybe. But it’s how I feel, and it’s how I felt for a very long time and I don’t know what to do about it.",1.3290209790209782,3.055190993006996,3.223076923076924,91.54692307692312,79.62937062937063,6.078321678321679,20.090909090909093,7.010146845296331,0.2568573426573426,524,13,118,6,13,176,96,143,0.11699999999999999,0.718,0.16399999999999998,0.7108,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,3,2,37,24,14,2,3,9,0,7,3,1,1,2,1,0,1,10,6,0,2,11,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,1,8,15,7,11,21,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,4,7,68,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743269230817774,0.0,0.09253283351344002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514389127218838,0.1394206500309858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28244008674991583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907650421772525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366972197906555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440075119184416,0.2916270940200591,0.13064933985616628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512798918015888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498973649401179,0.0,0.0,0.14484993352975725,0.12189274065747766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094600976210305,0.0,0.0,0.14956194413979507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222170897030727,0.19943200956928306,0.0,0.0,0.12041840661444607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082833862206338,0.0,0.1367014423973583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305636355332787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034880012078967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118811804170288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472808175847668,0.0,0.0,0.08717046086008147,0.0,0.0,0.29217830628436364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529237648748968,0.0,0.134577534621937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282451511642561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039941618515407,0.17437739286928536,0.0,0.0,0.2380319935120686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227268893576256,0.08025810364945711,0.21601338966681075,0.0,0.0,0.1223440216468772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906118809651254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kpopologyy,2019/09/18,"what do you do when your fp is distant? my girlfriend often becomes distant when she's upset about something.. I try to be supportive and understanding, but there's always a part of me that's panicking. I can spiral so easily, even the slightest change in her messages/actions can make me feel sick with anxiety :< currently she's upset over something that happened yesterday, and she told me after that she'll take a break from the world to relax (she said for weeks) I don't know if she truly means *weeks* or if she'll feel differently after some time.. I'm just trying to keep myself distracted and send her supportive messages without becoming too clingy. right now my chest feels uncomfy and tight, and the moment I stop distracting myself I start to cry. I wish she could talk to me when she's upset, not become distant 😔",8.302500000000002,7.559213987261149,8.07266719745223,72.13982882165607,61.993630573248396,11.162101910828026,35.54856687898089,10.411451182825502,3.6577649681528666,664,25,116,13,8,213,103,157,0.183,0.703,0.114,-0.8995,2,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,0,11,8,0,5,5,0,10,2,1,1,0,27,27,13,0,4,7,0,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,6,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,5,27,3,15,21,2,20,0,0,0,0,19,4,0,5,14,81,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501651171961314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149375983428283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978039269186614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894009660551453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995901707388155,0.0,0.16503791693386904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697484536799267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992359102271398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279063182205043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286183305378338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354533856263154,0.0,0.0,0.08257114271699069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029021425529898,0.0,0.0,0.16366168322696412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270152124410098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830906166503686,0.14291812765141054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23133305919089875,0.0,0.0,0.10634472518423388,0.0,0.0,0.1256121863990148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409942253552877,0.0,0.0,0.11296611633341155,0.12076185402464132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760951332701652,0.0,0.0,0.14356626629711244,0.0,0.20401402294939616,0.0,0.0,0.15641113919361288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24103617865118054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277521393119472,0.14483155511911602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Laremort,2019/09/18,"My friend killed herself yesterday. She killed herself in the dark, her parents found her dead. We got the news earlier today. She was the kind of girl who will give you the love and the respext you deserved. She showed us how to love and how to see the beauty in the ugly. I'm sad and I don't know what to do with that. I just hope she finds the peace she was looking for.",1.6529670329670338,3.404911769230768,2.5223809523809533,96.82500000000002,78.74358974358974,5.482783882783883,21.399267399267398,6.1826913282559595,0.0056498168498166895,290,8,67,2,7,91,52,78,0.18899999999999997,0.603,0.209,0.2732,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,2,0,0,3,8,2,0,8,0,5,2,0,2,0,13,15,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,16,5,8,10,0,4,0,1,2,2,20,2,0,1,2,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623612001462194,0.0,0.0,0.2474089090246442,0.17433334031426184,0.0,0.0,0.2164599565204132,0.0,0.0,0.18046951278412834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241171354185791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992871620299321,0.23497531669892305,0.12400899850325715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894855927124008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073081834001472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505528928066757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981044169802446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388577908632506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714240442615467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cnwoods55,2019/09/18,"Partner of someone recently diagnosed Hi all,

If this is against community guidelines please delete this post. 

I’m dating someone who was recently diagnosed with bpd. Communication has always been a bit of an issue but since the diagnosis it’s gotten a lot worse. I myself struggle with mental health so I understand the general pain of a diagnosis especially one that isn’t anticipated. However, I also understand that I have no experience with this so I want to hear from the community.

I’ve been clear with my partner that the diagnosis of bpd doesn’t scare me because I fell in love with them regardless of a diagnosis. However, they’ve really limited conversation recently. Their main coping mechanism to conflict is to completely ignore people for a week or more. I want to probe why communication has slowed but I don’t want to push too hard. 

Really all I want to know is, what are ways of communication that you all find helps foster more open channels of communication? What do you find makes you shut down?

TLDR; my partner was recently diagnosed with bpd and I just want to know what modes of communication the community finds helpful and harmful",5.6559989316239285,8.239430379807693,7.1839743589743605,64.13880341880343,69.72115384615384,11.16068376068376,33.190170940170944,10.980518767755715,4.667906196581196,941,45,150,34,18,322,117,208,0.133,0.74,0.126,-0.5468,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,2,1,6,6,0,2,11,0,15,6,0,1,4,37,29,9,0,7,5,0,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,3,12,9,0,3,7,1,0,2,4,5,0,1,5,2,19,1,26,24,8,15,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,3,7,103,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450360222292973,0.08792521978044009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441494917281383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536337259720675,0.0,0.3992598858090081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079212105854763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217559693078568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336473088488177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897391387265735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465882654997107,0.0,0.0,0.1123213932437017,0.1190968416512263,0.0,0.14165564311599546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029116649084612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614603176892985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983615504493117,0.0953705573384178,0.0,0.07053499580920697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648967619734263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160416869644326,0.0,0.11243945396449104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325770195430982,0.0,0.0,0.1159930238744711,0.0,0.0,0.10120186137255098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353887604844711,0.0,0.4173422548456245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579327975467104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741063470742845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906630057864328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046836645446392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001067859822346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116320902953423,0.08387527376384239,0.08476143947478898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534999594932668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768591836404252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,R0nin0925,2019/09/18,"I'm not doing okay A few years ago I was married to this amazing woman who has a serious substance abuse problem.  I loved her and started to use drugs with her because I wanted to be closer to her and I was terrified she would leave me because I'm terrible with relationships.  I'm too jealous,  too clingy and have terrible mood swings.

She left me and kept coming back to my life to get help and money and I was trying to get my life in order. I lost my apartment, my pet, my job because of this situation with her. Because I didn't want to lose her again. And this kept going for a few years. I tried to take my own life at some point. One of my friends begged me to get some help and to stop answering her calls.

I was twice diagnosed with BDP and was prescribed Depakote and used to go to therapy a couple of years ago. It made me realize how toxic I was towards all my personal relationships, very possessive.  And I stopped talking to her, she stopped calling me to be honest. 

I started a new job and moved in with my friends and my life improved. Because I started a new job and I had to wait to get new insurance so I stopped going to therapy and taking my medication.  A few months ago, my wife got ahold of me to tell me that she was on rehab for the last few months after she overdosed.  She started a new job, and she lives far away from me now. I've been helping her with some money for rent and stuff. I tried to go back to therapy because I wanted be able to handle my life better. I knew that Depakote helped a lot. 

But my new insurance makes every therapy session too expensive,  in order for my to schedule a visit to a psychiatrist to get my prescription it would have cost me close to $300. That alone destroyed my drive to get help. Negative thoughts started to get in my head. I kept telling myself that I'm not gonna get better, that I lost this battle.  I've been trying to handle everything at the best of my abilities but I'm losing it. It's  like this monster that lives inside of me wants to take over. I'm starting to isolate myself for the best part of the day and I'm terrified I'm gonna go into a super clingy mode now that my wife is back in my life. We are not quite friends but I guess we are trying to be. She has to focus on her recovery. 

But for the last couple of days, I felt nothing but anger and self hatred and I had lots of suicidal thoughts. 

I just hate myself so much because I know how horrible I cam be. I don't wanna hurt the relationships that I have with my friends and colleagues,  I don't know what I want.  

I just wanted to get this out of my chest.",2.8458513573653765,4.230880437383181,4.28776368491322,87.0093847352025,74.53271028037383,7.338228749443703,26.756786826880283,7.957251820313856,1.5298562527814858,2034,75,430,30,42,676,211,535,0.128,0.763,0.109,-0.6787,5,1,1,0,1,0,44.0,2,0,0,10,15,29,5,0,18,1,30,13,2,6,1,83,90,30,1,10,10,2,1,1,4,4,10,0,2,3,21,34,0,8,8,0,5,9,7,14,0,2,23,1,86,14,74,58,15,66,0,5,0,1,44,20,0,6,36,291,107,5,0.056095068061257004,0.06646348291917945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917467976071674,0.0,0.0,0.058097573124086324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052703162980274464,0.12940093439159234,0.0,0.2393652298418108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773662627922565,0.09922305836565626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455867259028055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832093413799863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241362517290687,0.0,0.07235335654063042,0.0,0.0,0.056935313290269476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505246994561961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726251420205615,0.0,0.050414630142588984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386006222018303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335564173717774,0.0,0.2637662204110824,0.0,0.15940059945281554,0.0,0.04486435031057708,0.0,0.06179504168336743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538226631268011,0.05756972325837716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879967084408697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005093054536875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266279775920736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165676478740133,0.09144993475784972,0.0,0.059396577588447276,0.06094745558050973,0.0,0.23772963299948954,0.02740521678339669,0.0,0.09906594561475636,0.0,0.0,0.125512065195669,0.12246878643006433,0.09538004177412757,0.050627989022963886,0.05307850972156498,0.03744389351623117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650987957124596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895490962966581,0.05962017988982678,0.0412363294062786,0.0,0.0,0.2708848314202797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382473069712792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03801146987007978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060745492285864275,0.0,0.0,0.04898004974344988,0.0,0.0,0.053027970846229885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536754043302036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059664009761557064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067533031381927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058519389867653676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630532067920718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822626736093114,0.0,0.0,0.18759195468035128,0.0,0.0,0.06421543230268904,0.06135889986105149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652953019412716,0.04508709086422563,0.09805912395149433,0.0,0.2565983962468182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906643632146398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904243451830972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689625638853913,0.0,0.04628430590131317,0.1985179470937666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969665380917665,0.0,0.0,0.10837015404720014
bpd,MelatoninAddictd,2019/09/18,"I am broken I think I just lost my FP, she told me her current BF said we weren't allowed to talk anymore (even though I rarely message her out of the fear I'm an inconvenience to her) I have been trying to drop her because thinking seriously I put too much into someone who doesn't care about me the same but I'm drawn back to her kinda like an addiction I find comfort in this but I'm also anxious because it's just too much I did nothing to deserve this and I shouldn't feel this way about someone who doesn't care this much about me
     ---rant ended---",3.0017720306513453,4.358579387931037,3.9832183908045984,89.46139846743297,74.08620689655173,6.1900383141762445,28.406130268199234,6.42735559955562,1.143211877394636,443,18,94,3,9,143,73,116,0.162,0.784,0.054000000000000006,-0.799,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,16,19,5,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,2,20,4,12,12,4,9,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,1,4,66,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529060541542426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325934011133573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237882992786316,0.17766016586754438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377487050663065,0.0,0.2184059109683385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36529326238948506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866613859974382,0.0,0.0,0.11832122768638775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158391762268324,0.09057929166841636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637320253279202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875194559078759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955540370063916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950686989779911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189103747044762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008662044596932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040452678520432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035719115192193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439870989561612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295731950881024,0.17600554943234006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711773172004372,0.0,0.1216252745873926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219413202488565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hooples,2019/09/18,How do I deal with my cycles getting more intense I'm 27 and my manic phases have been noticeably getting stronger even though I'm in therapy and taking proper meds. Is this a thing? Does it keep getting stronger as you age? How do you manage it because each cycle literally ruins my life,3.682857142857145,5.916857285714286,4.792285714285715,80.65271428571431,74.35714285714286,6.622857142857143,29.057142857142853,7.554174236665415,2.014604285714286,232,10,40,3,5,76,43,56,0.05,0.8270000000000001,0.12300000000000001,0.5028,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,7,12,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,3,11,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,27,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458300805983454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952594420843034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25062515266708635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916041013026155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488868349851923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545599768840868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228841732087186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181189594915098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260612503208936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533250259447806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275162806309946,0.0,0.19026732125922785,0.0,0.28138046373274483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princessgirl87,2019/09/18,"What's the point? What if you meet someone else new and they become your favorite person and they, too, disappoint you?

Then what? 

What's the point of meeting new people?",2.440312500000001,5.306407406250003,2.2800000000000007,92.965,84.3125,4.45,20.5,5.985473137389443,0.1338499999999998,135,4,25,1,4,40,22,32,0.078,0.8079999999999999,0.114,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,17,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302418242382564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979112135575754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775867832699327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073013910787064,0.2610909332518884,0.0,0.0,0.5653372125677598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533569318651462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MarxHunter,2018/11/22,"Looking at plates is a good passtime I know this is an active time for submissions, but I thought I'd throw in another thread  in case anyone wants to share. 

Bloody holidays... I don't even have a large family but it's one that already has tension stemming in part from bpd related conflicts (my dad is wired so like me that I can see what will happen if I start my usual crap). I don't like a lot of holidays in principle, as well as them just being stressful. I'm the eldest child and my sister's home from college and my selfish mind feels a lot of the positive attention is on her (as it damn well should be as she's the only one who's succeeded so far in uni and she's awesome anyway) but it's still a break in routine for me. I don't keep a good rhythm with society for things like hours, weekdays, seasons etc and just kind of do my thing however it needs to be done. This is my first day off in months so it's really just a day to sleep in as I don't actually like eating very much; more of a chore. Slept til 3 cause I could, and ate half a plate for dinner...

People crowing from the rooftops about gorging on turkey irritate me sometimes, and don't even get me started on the utterly foreign concept Black Friday... Don't you just buy everything literally the exact second you think about it? Regardless of the cost? /s

Anyway, nothing's really wrong in the grand scheme, but I've got to make it about me somehow right? Just stressed and family gatherings can bring out insecurities when you're hearing about what everyone's accomished this year. I mean ive cleaned myself up, kept a job, and avoided jail so I'm doing pretty well compared to a year ago and I cant lose sight of that.

The challenge for many of us I think is coping with situational stress and social rhythm that everyone faces, only it requires bascially double the cognitive effort. You know those people who remember every second of a day, or ones with photographic facial memory or insane hearing? It's like that, but every single second of an interaction when in #stress mode# can be fist-clenching. 

Do you really have to small talk about the sweet potatoes? Like I honestly don't give a fuck how much syrup you used! How many years have you used this recipe? I DONT CARE! 
AND I KNOW THE WEATHERS BEEN NICE!

Bless up all, and try to keep that thankful thing somewhere in your head even if it doesn't occur to you until you decompress later on. I know I personally hate the stupid formalities of holidays so I try to keep to the intended purpose as much as possible... Genuinely being thankful; if you don't gift for Christmas show people you love them or need them, and, well screw Valentine's day tbh, but Easter is cool! 

Thanks for reading",3.9938309657821836,5.684998155722326,4.878610292146881,82.68850062539089,72.13320825515947,8.153113553113554,27.137005271151608,8.77342768361299,2.0568288573215403,2159,77,416,41,42,701,274,533,0.10800000000000001,0.688,0.204,0.9961,2,1,0,0,0,0,60.0,1,11,3,6,30,43,6,7,29,1,39,12,6,7,2,71,80,43,0,9,17,2,1,6,0,2,0,2,3,2,28,17,3,7,11,5,2,2,11,16,4,8,7,9,49,27,67,65,11,50,1,1,4,3,33,23,4,9,30,280,77,6,0.0,0.0,0.07145347336039781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649063070957704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080157830345254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677896768517356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119806901623105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221972459550007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465404425270561,0.07521849416440192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846128831809221,0.0,0.0,0.18888684808583475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493086093278055,0.08581487455446858,0.0,0.0,0.07492371875331093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166115823074488,0.14508602939929247,0.0,0.12338428743420125,0.1399322717287403,0.0658066262599666,0.0,0.13805314075899522,0.0,0.037022913613899325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228204122006902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769195637075483,0.03825513224039051,0.07024058902163215,0.0,0.122829185510515,0.058561800908468326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647493962362469,0.0,0.0,0.072290922106551,0.07514622742721128,0.0,0.16505156156645134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344698216715173,0.0,0.07210827848163834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266088966980476,0.19524749531180746,0.0,0.0762487663574876,0.16096215187089433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146335125344712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061487491068478374,0.08191595913812444,0.0,0.12450034333164076,0.06608512533970526,0.0,0.04887581837596463,0.148469908693111,0.0,0.07975951356672976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393268843949193,0.0,0.058444581416593075,0.0,0.16147834725139318,0.10858540354395008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025785821518975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488500412037654,0.11137626929796332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792915845366206,0.0,0.15228738986720236,0.06393405681139556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254606818205165,0.0,0.07449243448540245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732411627559526,0.0,0.14072241144279407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294551365711825,0.06253063113382908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058347934371492015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230386302790743,0.0732742276011492,0.07463994332388407,0.0,0.0,0.07241778545610328,0.0,0.10365289399253344,0.0,0.05847466311207977,0.0,0.33549922706796265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885254596254155,0.0,0.202237138973429,0.0,0.0,0.14593503020495266,0.09383456652462774,0.0,0.0581295714233787,0.04269595686053355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994249778591705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807626616041883,0.12647947058454884,0.08064297020912327,0.060415280475828725,0.04318784816149153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633391415989334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005604957931864,0.0,0.14145644240469435
bpd,aaronitallout,2018/11/22,"Just drove everyone away and I've never wanted to disappear more. Happy Thanksgiving There's just so much wrong, I don't have any more to give. I can't even type the context anymore. I just want it to be over. I just want to be gone. ",-0.3395918367346944,1.9318852448979589,1.5889795918367329,96.13816326530615,94.51020408163264,5.248979591836736,17.20408163265306,6.868970318607317,0.06744081632653033,183,5,41,3,7,60,35,49,0.071,0.7559999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.4368,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,11,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,6,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,29,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326138667586904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29642722455281073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808251968107978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741979276832644,0.0,0.0,0.2856105463841142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28673089861214635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181832570261617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197249589290736,0.0,0.230529127780607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5288946470247718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267988403136428,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spiralala,2018/11/22,"Terrified of being diagnosed I've avoided this sub for a while, just scratching the surface and I feel like a fool for not exploring this seriously before, it's like looking in a mirror. I'm in a time and place where I can seek therapy, but I talk myself out of it with alarming regularity. 
I'd really like some feedback on this argument I have with myself, it sounds like therapy has been great for a lot of you but I have concerns.

The biggest fear is being vulnerable to a shitty therapist. I feel like my boundaries and internal compass are strong right now, but that could change. I feel like I could recognize a bad fit or a predatory person and respond appropriatley, but I'm not totally confident that would hold over time if it such a situation wasn't immediately obvious.

The next most disturbing possibility is that I describe some of my issues and experiences and get slapped with a super serious diagnosis and have to check the have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness box. I'd love to be directed to more information on how exactly that impacts your life, like volunteer and job applications, foster applications, owning guns, travelling abroad, that kind of stuff.

I was doing so good, now I'm struggling so much, but I'll probably get a handle back on it around the same time I get serious about securing an appointment. I wish I could log more, I'd love to chart out my desire to seek therapy over the last six months, I imagine three perfect sine waves but who knows. What's a message I can give my on top of it self to reinforce that this is an important long term move I need to make for myself?",8.716019417475728,7.538214776699033,9.284776699029127,65.1861941747573,61.42718446601942,13.417993527508091,39.37022653721683,12.45797560212912,5.042944595469256,1302,58,233,40,15,441,173,309,0.136,0.655,0.21,0.9854,1,1,0,1,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,4,12,26,0,5,21,0,23,6,0,2,5,54,40,20,0,8,11,0,4,7,0,1,4,1,0,2,19,15,0,3,7,1,1,3,3,10,0,2,4,6,26,16,34,29,11,34,0,0,1,2,13,18,0,6,20,164,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650878638627944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833613774840833,0.09051866784923376,0.0,0.0,0.09224978754609048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468447737877448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25967211812136776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006979311301214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806396825851244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604677353749402,0.0,0.12199253011907413,0.16444759726874578,0.23234654888115364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992083998944282,0.10399772256184933,0.0,0.0909300145054766,0.0,0.11952352498649553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131529319131762,0.10758120269535734,0.0,0.0,0.11289338770902305,0.0595798577659712,0.08836944533770559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657390485161228,0.3707490156323657,0.0,0.0,0.09594033535412712,0.09103794723581342,0.0,0.0,0.09216716676928363,0.1956903444652808,0.0,0.0723651932628511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092528029542074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653263658615355,0.11522375038864605,0.07969456877240623,0.08038539275740098,0.0,0.0,0.11529634263593602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466031528404928,0.11326643488410695,0.0,0.0,0.12221712854265344,0.0,0.0,0.1168854084630916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945087120000752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925824130869765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309633052880046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185852129327535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333472974936035,0.12410467322334574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713666602633313,0.0,0.0,0.3719323257734157,0.12587354232341402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896460011771957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466731515134576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701207344801916,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rin-saved-me,2018/11/22,"I feel programmed Like I respond the way I do because I'm supposed to

Feigning empathy, feeding condolances

Because that's how you respond to others emotions

When you confide in me, share all about that shitty day you had. About how your boss is so clueless. Or that your truck is broken down again

I dont share that feeling. I dont hurt because you're hurt

I hurt because of the mental gymnastics I'm doing to respond in a way that I'm supposed to, and hopefully get the validation of being in your life

I know I'm making this all about me

But how do I stop

When this is all I've ever known",2.9309016393442637,4.570480614754097,4.2565245901639335,86.27495081967214,74.81967213114754,6.191475409836067,29.41311475409836,6.742157984588678,1.5391022950819668,473,21,93,4,10,156,65,122,0.109,0.745,0.145,0.5294,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,6,0,0,11,7,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,5,4,18,20,9,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,16,4,13,18,3,12,0,3,0,0,11,4,0,2,7,65,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293351450061261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355391502457593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127175638432837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980608614415259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927006714412545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805778767887515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919920064250358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488236770896526,0.0,0.0,0.5654763170910743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676630586484512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436709612906667,0.08602143166929282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753153981581227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744235289693214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720672197912868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795205405442281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThatsKarma00,2018/11/22,"Do BPD even care or regret it when they hurt someone they care or cared about? I have dated a few girls with BPD and have found myself researching different disorders especially this one. I thought it would be good to post here where I can get real insight from people who actually understand BPD. I want to know, do these girls actually feel regret when they hurt someone?  Some people have said yes while others scream, No and that they only say sorry if they can get something from you. I was thinking about it today when sitting around with my family for Thanksgiving. I am ready to meet a nice girl to share my life with. I obviously need someone who is stable as I can't be in a chaotic relationship as I have had a few short lived relationships like that and had to break it off.

I say this because from what I gathered it is almost like there is no empathy towards their targets once angered. It sure as hell isn't a nice feeling to be devalued be someone and than treated so poorly when you are trying to be kind to them. There seems to be no apologies from them either maybe due to fear of humiliation possibly rooted in the way they were treated from an early age. This is very sad disorder and my hearts goes out to those with it but at the same time, I am greatly upset by those also hurt my individuals with the disorder.

My post is to attack those with BPD but try to understand or gain more insight. ",7.02197575757576,6.6606615490909125,7.264727272727272,75.63175757575759,64.41818181818182,10.242424242424242,32.878787878787875,9.725611199111238,2.9394969696969686,1126,40,214,20,15,366,156,275,0.159,0.7290000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9444,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,9,1,14,26,3,2,9,1,29,2,1,1,2,43,46,21,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,0,3,20,13,0,0,11,0,1,0,5,12,0,1,7,6,29,14,40,32,6,25,1,6,0,0,25,9,1,7,13,160,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.17503715493685235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980549989898452,0.0,0.0,0.07172020547738528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983771074903574,0.0,0.10202841622785214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467049059402057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518150752683446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743162276649901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937006173682176,0.30835665684514063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923538915793693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454602642852124,0.1009193535416205,0.09069377822634256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833379889150784,0.0,0.0,0.09371230248412556,0.0,0.0,0.07522262447107056,0.0,0.09887684813880963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062758874658596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28802550207463545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339201093376426,0.04928794184344397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334641119615562,0.08763007502482756,0.0,0.07919255223594893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009956084146868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664994968408951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551045722908784,0.06077215120839876,0.06820866918206751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435108797145406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011051544893668,0.1717848257683795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207994531066793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925739525637515,0.0,0.0,0.0853099537231807,0.14264051969784156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164488050713699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039556074235784,0.06904306996783767,0.0,0.10039381578531073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845260415494382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746584031108393,0.0,0.07119902169294708,0.052295420115408976,0.0,0.08500987805711215,0.0,0.0,0.12177900132545667,0.0,0.0,0.1867282655555472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399863373935042,0.05289790484994107,0.0711869282559699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637088898778295,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pannkakakanin,2018/11/22,"Am i thinking properly about this? Hello!

I was more recently ""diagnosed"" with BPD, and I have finally found what seems to be wrong with me.

Now, i have  bit of a dilemma.

I have a long history within the psychiatric sphere - as a patient. Never gotten any help, infact I would say it has made me worse in a lot of way. The last psychiatrist that i had contact with has let me down, by promising to call ""next week"" and then not calling for months. I have lost a lot of hope, of getting help.

I have heard of DBT,CBT which is the standard treatments for BPD (?). I wanted to ask those of you who have gone through it, or have experience with it, has it made you better?

I don´t mean in functionality, since i have by my own volition improved my impulsivity and more explosive reaction (a lot of it has turned internal), but my suffering is at an alltime high. I am thinking that improving my functionality would not minimize my suffering which is currently my biggest issues, that and the intense self loathing. Is there some other therapy that would make be better in that department?

​

Thank you",5.214093851132689,6.73444801456311,5.976679611650486,76.67333656957929,68.85436893203884,9.765177993527507,32.66537216828479,10.047579312681364,3.4192715857605176,865,39,159,22,15,283,122,206,0.11599999999999999,0.792,0.09300000000000001,-0.7105,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,0,3,3,9,0,0,11,0,26,1,0,3,1,31,44,8,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,17,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,9,2,25,5,27,29,8,22,0,3,0,0,14,8,0,7,11,125,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407831851252702,0.15036446277582954,0.08415125933363612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568544245455292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888587483179345,0.13509815807942188,0.0,0.3117065318823924,0.0,0.25271621014830337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559919099083544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104695310598755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555726891487685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356806759981966,0.0,0.0,0.06465197467059168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658881500746823,0.13074403280412247,0.0,0.12290731387261092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915826843384895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008691895940935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653827192450054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951097225487713,0.0,0.0,0.13508295298933867,0.31561228149639137,0.0,0.23418217955664125,0.08260115667071204,0.0,0.0,0.13479524834606313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877256660975367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544024437242443,0.0,0.13160486184343578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218386271354922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840747716199852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265335727771833,0.12909366085653454,0.0,0.0,0.10236364870120566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392833345167205,0.14151389144834212,0.0,0.0,0.15858238262135602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345996910183751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298836788403705,0.09822350663642723,0.09926126543808804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610735014542548,0.2637159962239111,0.13529640041774704,0.15036446277582954,0.0
bpd,mace321,2018/11/22,"New at BDP Hi, I have been living with my Girlfriend over 1 year, we had several big discussions, but the otherday she went out or her mind and I had to leave and go to my parent house to sleep.  
She tried to sleep forever eating anxyolitic pills after the alcohol she drunk.

I had spoken with the theparist that she is visiting and she informed me that my gf might be BDP, it is not diagnostic 100% yet, but it will make sense and explain a lot of things. I have passed the last 36 hours reading everything I can, we almost split up but finally it looks like it will be managed, nevertheless she now is sadder than ever and I do not know what to do at all. This has been new as hell and reality just smashed my face. Of course diagnosys has not been confirmed, so she knows nothing, tomorrow she will go to the therapist and an exhaustive diagnosis is going to be done, probably she will not be informed even if it is confirmed.  


I am running out of ideas, not sure what to do, she even do not know what to she wants me to do, she is switching her opinion literlly every two minutes between being alone or staying with her to not leave her alone. She is saying all the time that she only wants to disappear, and cry, yesterday she said that she only want to suicide...

​

Any advice, things to read, suggestions to help her or whatever?  
",6.911888341543517,6.356824482758622,7.187993979200876,76.73318965517244,64.70881226053639,10.828790366721401,34.73481116584565,10.290406445055957,3.391855829228243,1054,42,205,22,14,343,144,261,0.11599999999999999,0.8540000000000001,0.03,-0.9724,1,2,1,0,0,1,33.0,2,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,8,0,35,8,3,1,4,50,49,17,1,4,15,1,0,1,2,5,3,2,0,0,15,15,3,0,7,3,0,8,7,2,0,1,9,3,36,2,31,30,3,29,1,0,1,0,36,7,1,8,14,158,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143128117199958,0.0,0.12501747634118993,0.11713991425762832,0.2423147773733529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674923319660802,0.1421451325485981,0.07955132277461208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849850915284675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971252604459826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970111541438355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453014380595725,0.10581631948912792,0.0985618244544898,0.0,0.10513528554170128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281473401501655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994495743587677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841012645308988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520305596792965,0.13498076033728673,0.0,0.13205769403082845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928696556882464,0.09535540552755443,0.0,0.2477326969294129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715117384984296,0.0,0.103296666564925,0.0,0.0982348632368646,0.0,0.0,0.09945335211763323,0.0,0.0,0.0780859529364358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240987155092433,0.11811780593712458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22596261458023015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122467508943846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793916115609018,0.0,0.0,0.12989393444715333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612567026599064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340259939579283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112760429561244,0.09302825698795336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215561697401118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341316453835888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246865437553941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795859930283765,0.0,0.11025352869006054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582435226984038,0.1554344087936562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821276019036923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794226511165209,0.0,0.1142737712895738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069958759374495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844287432066314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421451325485981,0.07533214768362502
bpd,iamamama2,2018/11/22,"Obsessing over dis/interested dude So a guy in one of my classes expressed interest in me a few weeks ago, asked for my number, etc.. I have noticed him before and thought he was cute, but definitely not my type in regards to the fact that he seems like he has his sh*t together. I have a very poor track record of choosing to be with unstable men (e.g., drug/drinking problems, abusers, etc.), so when this guy expressed interest in me, I became very excited. Too excited. And then tried to conceal it. And became avoidant. And I’m pretty sure I fumbled the ball. 

Somewhere along the way, his tone changed (via text) and he became short with me. So I was like, “oh well, guess e doesn’t like me anymore, whatever.” But then he came up and talked to me after the next class, after we’d not spoken that week. I was friendly enough but became so serious in tone when I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket, and he jokingly asked me if I’d written him a note — I so coldly and straight-faced went “No.” On the surface, probably harsh, but in reality I was just so hyper anxious and still so excited that this guy was interested, and i felt like I just got called out for being the giddy 12-year-old I felt like. 
The next class, we had an exam I was unaware of, he again said something to me, and i ended up leaving the exam early to go to an on-campus restaurant. I texted him to meet me there, and he said “I got class boo.” Which I would likely take condescendingly if it weren’t for him calling me “boo” when he was super interested at first. 
I texted him answers to the homework the next day, and his reply was a short “Ty.”
The next class, he seemed to be flirting with another girl before the class started. That’s when I became upset and began completely ignoring him. I am getting mixed signals from this guy, I’m probably sending mixed signals back, and now I’m obsessing over figuring out what the hell even happened. Is he just an attention-seeking individual throwing sh*t at the wall to see what sticks? Was it my avoidance?
I’m in the midst of a court process, and this experience has taught me to separate from all emotion when it gets too high. 
I texted him after class yesterday, and I said, “Hey idk what happened but I’d really like things to not be so awkward.” He just said “Yea idk lol.” 

I feel like if I explain why I became so avoidant there still might be a chance? But I don’t want to come off as wanting his sympathies. I just know there have definitely been times I’ve come across as cold. And i don’t know why I even care and am here obsessing over this guy I barely know on Thanksgiving when I have so many heavier issues going on in my life. I just had a great feeling about him - finally, a seemingly normal guy likes me! Annnnd he’s gone. 

What even happened. And why am I sitting here ruminating 20X harder than I should be about it. ",3.7463515126569216,5.175433861946903,4.738666392261781,84.49164642930647,72.3274336283186,7.875282980037046,28.36077382177403,8.428315365350997,1.9530806750360163,2232,86,451,37,43,728,260,565,0.102,0.726,0.171,0.9921,1,3,3,0,1,0,79.0,2,0,0,2,40,37,1,8,28,2,36,1,0,0,3,79,82,49,0,9,18,0,4,9,1,3,1,4,1,8,20,31,0,4,15,2,1,10,8,12,1,2,28,11,65,25,60,44,6,72,1,0,1,0,51,28,1,8,41,289,85,13,0.0,0.08341538241486725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240751769402444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382309976858384,0.0,0.07953472109536913,0.06982030554810884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163356075706042,0.0,0.0,0.0541351328229444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981458686067264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437775311094967,0.0805216391283081,0.0717799825024217,0.0,0.07447644944225325,0.12129094121252028,0.07381562180398839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0454037513515131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896759144542418,0.0816444823414396,0.0,0.0,0.07919327223029944,0.06235566776084212,0.07274454316247783,0.15703466751482578,0.1395004484468987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688670982193532,0.0,0.0,0.07119518086384317,0.050295519197067054,0.13519477131369628,0.07712243483348218,0.0,0.05988428187304319,0.0,0.0,0.0543927526596282,0.0,0.07356474120940984,0.0,0.08002266132627675,0.0,0.11261452977124717,0.07761894171969369,0.07755622797602849,0.41825692211712817,0.18676994295771446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438404617117506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348185914508149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607402412521882,0.0,0.0,0.07454602160557121,0.0,0.0,0.0497273273909735,0.30955569644706743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137702688988225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468586619562467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994951864267285,0.0,0.06897944608136082,0.0,0.08015364774196733,0.07387552074370662,0.0,0.047706517264820086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162459445365138,0.1518114816042175,0.06736562969354289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451016076095849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678753803662272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056101631869546816,0.19227521935867947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054199240012777816,0.0,0.0,0.04983121136695669,0.0,0.112446963511102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635346915196719,0.0,0.05293387528683005,0.05658681671838695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046772254691445116,0.0,0.0,0.055891675546997234,0.04105223055296404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779863731747041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617877688593455,0.08305036964522539,0.05588218212363685,0.11294518599434228,0.0,0.0633002510627183,0.06526376979928321,0.19058176265859064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050011875414065585,0.0,0.0,0.045336864922741235
bpd,heyitsmelisa,2018/11/22,"All I ever wanted Is to be loved. 
You teased me of someone I could hold at night. 
To soothe the void and bring something to the fight. 
Life's long battles, not between us. 
Must you coward as if I'm out to hurt you. 
My end I'd near, not because of you. 
Since young the pained to be loved. 
I can't take it any longer. 
From boys being in denial like you had been. 
To girls being not my type, goodie goodies. 
From therapists being unobtainable. 
To parents incapable. 

The world tests as if one cannot take its own
Life's mine to live
And to die


They say you'll return, as always. 
Will I accept as always they ask. 
They decline your worth. 
And I fight them otherwise. 
But not for along. . .
Write about me. 


All I ever wanted is to be loved. It fucking breaks me.",-0.12987012987013102,2.1936967922077955,1.3919480519480525,97.55077922077923,94.06493506493507,3.8389610389610387,15.441558441558444,5.565023196281405,-0.8038207792207791,582,13,127,4,22,186,97,154,0.15,0.727,0.12300000000000001,-0.5423,1,0,1,0,2,0,26.0,1,7,4,0,3,12,5,0,4,0,16,7,0,0,5,23,27,10,1,6,7,1,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,2,1,24,5,26,15,3,14,0,1,0,4,24,5,1,2,8,88,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27675107462431153,0.0,0.0,0.1130902055338349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554687424532535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137538723225588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327776084511582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259391206745447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729309449438455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008570794922969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374235390408653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780283811145862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234926260767316,0.08124614112942623,0.0,0.14684659972135009,0.14717092125041895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45027873055368106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606197847001313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126896849607282,0.0,0.17695571186826978,0.0,0.18465729081396387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224902284817305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375656901926534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090607688524634,0.1280264339617762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500749193956424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930879761511439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003931351045734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617696968405526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweatroll,2018/11/22,"BPD Student *waves* 

I’m not sure what my goal was in making a post. I joined the community to educate myself here and there and maybe offer help if I can. I do not have BPD but I know someone who does and my goal is aid him/her whenever I can however I can by being informed.

I do not believe anything is wrong with anyone who has BPD. My understanding is that there is just a higher sensitivity level to emotion. Just as the person I know is amazing just the way they are. I believe you too are amazing and even if it isn’t obvious yet, someone or many around you also thinks that, they just might not know how to show it or communicate it.

I’m rambling now. *waves*",0.8634558823529409,3.2433569632352963,3.0823529411764703,88.10308823529414,85.98529411764706,5.752941176470588,22.470588235294123,7.1686216300943375,0.8996558823529419,521,19,108,8,16,177,82,136,0.042,0.866,0.091,0.8234,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,2,2,14,4,0,0,5,0,18,0,0,2,2,30,26,12,0,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,17,3,8,23,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,5,2,82,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265160625146798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062024824463268,0.0,0.13018880407446656,0.14083552517621953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564845381044545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.597758998951999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844580330422346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779587420623566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044925645137758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060411256359286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608351282589939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560271638750172,0.16039450776242306,0.15893766053917374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678299484754173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813804644704275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515161565093304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26809227869972146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491058466105362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137104037645543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469643917663115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255753494501653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297175944548485,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway27390u,2018/11/22,Depression & bpd I recently found out that I have bpd and I always had severe depression. I don’t know what to do and I fucking hate all the therapists I’ve seen. Is there a way to self medicate? I smoke so much weed so I feel better when I’m high but has contributed to me feeling life I’m in my body most times and I’m forever dreaming. ,-0.4239726027397275,1.8129921506849345,2.2898767123287698,91.6474178082192,93.24657534246576,6.755616438356164,20.9986301369863,7.908726449838941,1.2900805479452058,269,10,60,7,10,93,53,73,0.135,0.8079999999999999,0.057,-0.6319,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,1,11,16,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,9,1,5,13,3,7,0,2,1,1,1,3,1,1,3,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620075858406911,0.21095943745691226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219801655502187,0.0,0.2162699289066692,0.4904404779763912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353929384819409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968942710306623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134805940281751,0.0,0.1799987778278942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222782624217985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057132571261235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700307749498787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752371660763954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961416900106321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312830607584814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224464648961634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311655438163556,0.2199577378930814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260639234270477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353224910498826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454531303008534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Aerswip,2018/11/22,"i should just stop I'm so paranoid that my friend is purposefuly ignoring me. Probably it's because of the guilt I feel for distancing myself from everyone. Even this person that said they're okay with me. But just because I have BPD doesn't mean I want to be friend's with anyone. Especially if they're a racist asshole or a narcisstic prick. Honestly I'm glad I'm out of there, but I feel so disgusting missing the feeling of a fake happy. Currently I still have one person,but again not really. They constantly don't pick up or text back so I want to just give up and send a clear goodbye. I've tried to ending it completely before, but I was too weak to end it. Except this one time, but then that person thought I was just upset at them at and didn't read the full text. now i cant leave. i just cant. everything feels empty. im just at college in my hometown till i have to. im just texting calling till i have to. i want to move on and live, but i fuckibf can't.",1.6152087114337554,3.530072812807884,3.4576302826030587,89.30284158672545,79.49261083743843,7.0323049001814875,23.492092299714805,8.032893268588372,1.23307487684729,763,26,166,14,19,256,116,203,0.177,0.7190000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9269,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,17,14,2,2,7,1,15,2,1,1,1,37,30,17,0,5,17,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,8,6,0,2,6,1,0,2,7,8,0,2,5,5,22,6,25,23,1,24,0,1,0,0,10,9,1,3,13,110,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991649402066838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987852062633363,0.0,0.17421665330135827,0.0,0.12159432208990766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179973029026013,0.0,0.14591321378380712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982416962866593,0.15442025686746688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531276148758083,0.0,0.0,0.0943817326675685,0.0,0.0,0.1365436456895545,0.1284260814043557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28901087855935786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208028274200863,0.0,0.0,0.13707925958620026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211588809223733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087052929662195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130666806320694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618015008675434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565608456551575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187627191189024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936606143901937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743149064716309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406650120652662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293508214639794,0.0,0.09154310082176764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592721109193615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411725948778408,0.1194677992005586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134437897200131,0.08332404718251735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701728401730844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528520189633627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justlarry98,2018/11/22,BPD partner So I recently got into a partnership with someone I met online. We've known each other for about 2 years now and they just recently asked me out. I'm schizophrenic and have suspected BPD and he has BPD so I was wondering if everyone had any tips for managing a partner with BPD. Is there anything I should say or avoid saying as well as doing? I'm not sure if I'm there 'FP' - I just found out about that term as well. I'm just scared I'll say the wrong things and it'll scare them away. ,0.7016987179487162,3.004331413461543,2.4265384615384638,93.10179487179492,85.82692307692307,6.5435897435897425,20.2051282051282,7.793537801064563,0.8235858974358972,393,12,87,8,12,129,69,104,0.152,0.8059999999999999,0.042,-0.8768,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,12,7,0,3,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,24,17,12,0,3,7,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,2,4,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,5,3,8,3,13,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,4,5,54,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367592416477584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335796569310892,0.0,0.12877930550481495,0.0,0.12942231808128085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6939741050460778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162771503868115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103770063667085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101726706341844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720264996233719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286371983332728,0.2758270962616477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671662378144072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982940864140033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151615198156147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24771076078940005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938591345302848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060993080390045,0.0,0.08870762053290526
bpd,sroowful,2018/11/22,"Finally coming to terms with the fact I have BPD, a nightmare of a year I've always known there was something innately wrong with me. Haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD, but all my life I've known something was off. Dealt with anorexia and BDD in my teens, but I always knew they were a symptom of something else.

I really feel the need to write this. I think I've reached a point where I can either focus on getting better or spiral out of control entirely, and I can see the threshold beneath my feet. It's terrifying, and I don't know who to talk to since I'm so utterly ashamed of my""self"" right now. Ashamed of all the choices I've made, ashamed of all the choices I didn't make. I'm stuck in the past, with a body of scars to show for it. 

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

I'm a 25 year old female. This year has been a train wreck and an adventure simultaneously. My father passed away really suddenly in February. We had a very rocky relationship, which made it especially difficult at first. However, I all I feel in regard to his death now is guilt, since right now I don't feel so bad.

I've also gone through periods of happiness, hope and love. I have good friends. I just recently moved away from them due to visa issues, and now live in Montreal, completely alone. At first, it was an adventure, something new and exciting. I felt hope that I'd be someone different, more complete with time to work on my art (I'm an illustrator, albeit not one that makes money from it just yet).

However, the past few months have destroyed me. I feel like my art is pointless. I have no ideas, and since my entire sense of self feels like a sheet of ice on water, and there's no structure to my art making. It feels fake, inconsistent. Like myself I guess.

I got a series of tattoos, most of which regret. I had the word 'empathy' tattooed on my knee, and just recently burned it off with a curling iron and I'm stuck with an open wound that will take months to heal. This was mostly due to the fact that I was sexually assaulted by a sugar daddy (oh yep, I make money through sugar daddy websites). He kept calling me empathy, touching it, etc. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore. 

I'm completely broke now to top it off. I haven't been able to do the sugar daddy thing anymore for obvious reasons, and I'm without a job since I'm heading back home for Christmas. I can't bear the thought of being in my childhood home right now. I feel as if I will revert entirely into my teenage self, which I've been already been doing recently. 

Because despite how far gone I am right now, I was doing okay. I had some sort of life, some confidence, and pride in myself. I feel as if all the progress I've made has gone down the toilet. The fact that I've marred my body for life is so painful to me. I feel like I can't progress anymore. Like losing a document when your computer freezes, I have no energy to figure out what steps I took previously and repeat them.

I don't know what I'm looking for here, but it's cathartic to write it all out on a page. I wish I could tell everyone I know. But I know their opinion of me would change, and I'm so terrified that people will continue to be my friend out of pity.  I desperately want someone to love me, but love is such a paradox right now. There's no way anyone would love me for who I am right now. I'm a crumbling mess. But it's all I crave.

Thanks for listening, and apologies for this scattered rant. 

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bpd,WorkAppropriateGoth,2018/11/22,"Good luck today, everybody I hate the holidays. Seeing my family makes me so stressed out, and I feel guilty/non-human for hating all the ""family is what's important!!"" rhetoric that gets thrown around this time of year. I get through it by no longer doing overnight visits and telling myself that in less than 12 hours I'll be back home alone with my messy-ass self and whatever I feel like doing for the rest of the long weekend. 

This post is for all of you who feel the same. If the holidays make your symptoms flare up, if you get judged the whole time you're with people who say they love you, if you disassociate from the stress - I feel your pain. We'll get through this, I swear. ",4.91,5.746114666666667,4.594814814814813,88.83666666666667,69.0,8.37037037037037,25.37037037037037,8.515128840125781,1.3149259259259258,540,14,116,8,9,164,90,135,0.15,0.7290000000000001,0.12,-0.5346,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,6,1,0,3,9,2,2,8,0,6,3,0,2,2,20,20,7,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,9,7,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,6,18,4,17,18,6,14,0,0,1,1,15,4,0,4,9,72,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160067366783407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890033884864242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997792131675715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941835783879791,0.0,0.3155750937474058,0.11146831142997744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260782516735358,0.0,0.0,0.1308710874859607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30809588298172985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565114412967307,0.0,0.15365873806636365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622868316290943,0.0,0.0,0.1380821952998386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408237331202178,0.0,0.20830331084728115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602758858891653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817199098886314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943421025239692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240818175627358,0.0,0.0,0.12433620872789923,0.0,0.16277397345058514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35746511315362245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217556498558122,0.0,0.0,0.13637764572363395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196542726771886,0.0,0.14789879064458594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420262337814407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047860841571032
bpd,GitGudPunpun,2018/11/22,"I finally got diagnosed I don't know if I should be happy that I finally know what's wrong with me or if I should feel worse.
I don't know where to go from here.",0.7761261261261296,1.8235037297297327,3.2524324324324314,93.71126126126127,79.27027027027026,8.176576576576577,20.44144144144144,8.841846274778883,0.8911873873873875,126,3,33,3,3,44,25,37,0.17800000000000002,0.716,0.106,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,11,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,3,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800651148031764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395194816962051,0.0,0.0,0.6045399143346427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568184826097288,0.0,0.22068798245199264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937346852849073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549349404790357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811982244263023,0.0,0.30168826420400824,0.0,0.0
bpd,sewelcat,2018/11/22,DAE feel curious about death? i would like to believe there is reincarnation. maybe here or in an alternate universe. i am very curious what death is like and what will happen after. i might be brave enough to find out for myself soon.,2.987499999999997,5.8263718409090925,3.396545454545457,86.38481818181822,80.5909090909091,7.156363636363636,22.43636363636364,8.238735603445708,1.5229509090909097,187,6,35,4,5,58,36,44,0.142,0.62,0.237,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,7,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867857154556111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547244992242983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358466890569918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137733678670032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30358233349017816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354416996809617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344894715890721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641909802939164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832615111714097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438731029198773,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Joslhank,2018/11/22,"Does anyone else feel.. Lonely, alienated, depressed, trapped, hopeless, and like a burden?

I’m sorry to be posting this, but it’s better out than in I suppose. I don’t like allowing negativity out because I’ve learned it stigmatizes you with people you know. 
I know this time of year always makes it worse. Bringing other peoples cheer and happiness down is an affront to society, so they will limit their ties to you if you.
I really hate the holidays. It is the time of year that I have to be around family members that like to remind me that I have offended them by not connecting with them enough over the last year. 
I live within an hour of almost all of my family members and they like to take this time of year to remind me that I haven’t tried hard enough to be a part of their lives. However, none of them reach out to me and in 5 years of living where I live have any of them ever step foot into my home or even expressed interest in reciprocation of the acts that they expect me to do. 
Even the few family members that come into town for the holidays try to express how wrong it is that I don’t try harder to be in contact with the family in the area. They like to have conversations about it in front of me like I’m not there. A few times, they have shifted events to other locations without so much as a text. Christmas is worse than thanksgiving because when I give gifts to people they like to make comments about being surprised I care and explaining to me that no one thought I would show up, even though I show up every year, so no one got a gift for me. I really don’t care about gifts. I would be fine if no one exchanged gifts, but if I don’t bring something for everyone then they won’t even acknowledge me. It’s like no one sees the things that you did, they only see the things that you didn’t. It doesn’t help that they don’t accept my MD, when I told them once because they had ganged up on me for being a deadbeat family member they told me I was making it up and it’s just because I’m gay. 

I find myself isolating myself more and more because I can never seem to make anyone else happy unless I’m giving them something of monetary value. I think it is easier to isolate myself from others than for them to isolate me from them. On occasion I’ve had people tell me the reason people avoid me is because I either am too happy or too depressed. I can understand not enjoying the feeling of being around someone that is depressed, I can’t understand the concept of being too happy. When I ask what does that mean?? I’ve been told that when I sing it makes feel bad if they cannot. Or when I show artwork but won’t mass produce for everyone that it makes them angry. When I talk about a subject I’ve been reading about, during my depression, it makes them feel stupid. People don’t like to invite me drinking because I don’t turn up with them hard enough or I get too turned up for their comfort. Honestly, I just want to enjoy the moment I don’t have to try so hard to regulate my feelings, it is exhausting! People are always telling me I shouldn’t have to try so hard because I have skills and talents and am so intelligent. The same things they use to tear me down. It just seems that I can’t seem to make myself happy or anyone else around me. I honestly believe most people would like to tell me not to come, just send money. 

Sorry to put all this out there. I know I’m not the only one that has issues around the holidays.
I know there are others that have it so much worse than I do. I just hate these feelings of despair.

Happy Holidays,
Josh",4.840319161748767,5.312332210526319,5.6326893893773375,82.63466096591596,69.0,8.605130675659401,27.607009514633265,8.587818076936951,1.8473185836444648,2824,86,568,42,46,924,263,722,0.135,0.682,0.182,0.9939,1,4,3,0,0,1,59.0,0,6,27,4,42,46,4,1,26,0,62,4,1,13,4,101,117,39,0,10,25,0,10,10,0,7,1,0,1,0,48,25,1,2,24,10,2,9,30,16,0,5,12,12,101,30,99,89,16,65,0,7,2,1,51,32,0,14,33,423,149,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815699811607154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003247237663229,0.0,0.0,0.032704078069943736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088072946318913,0.14782721927066236,0.0,0.17124761803931576,0.04495934786417896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015465025958779,0.23453055463216466,0.0,0.0,0.05418299816563391,0.0,0.0425332953754478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098065605289431,0.0,0.0,0.08285366721654816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165685612467361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417092922301662,0.0,0.0,0.0471116623650718,0.0,0.0,0.12052360186026985,0.0,0.0,0.14907507792630456,0.0,0.12705674050218338,0.04350179296768361,0.04051942179275024,0.09190756551750187,0.0,0.0,0.2266833790814225,0.0,0.14589997646351638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395504057210645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02512598437321204,0.0922680873788412,0.0,0.0,0.03846341152991162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071677385019417,0.17232325241796673,0.09496140636819024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03223492466946622,0.0,0.04824000384039972,0.0,0.04736074278671405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019535212767718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571999822592663,0.039201241638681134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495227812486935,0.0,0.1698637875463399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25681323823961794,0.0,0.0,0.05238607669422053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070602368949308,0.0,0.03709136651889258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121620517696515,0.1629412660997596,0.07315197303050065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207874074189877,0.0,0.2667264306043008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605865754437536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048345549334912544,0.0,0.0,0.04810482157839639,0.0,0.061617686373929274,0.04944638753461099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664588782570861,0.13134292536175304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074803222110943,0.07404684555197384,0.0,0.1076696817695262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03615905395451377,0.038654372984163736,0.1261030778123094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585017940579564,0.03081528822524408,0.047249956449999186,0.038179523051373385,0.11217087821167604,0.0,0.0,0.13786134827625282,0.0,0.16325590147606886,0.10462015276094001,0.0,0.10013053479676108,0.0,0.041535880486176915,0.0,0.0,0.028365793933201506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635878603112898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702898056456884,0.10248912015215014,0.05258084165207202,0.0,0.18581728271209014
bpd,baby_cactus_91,2018/11/22,"It is all my fault I've been thinking back on my past relationships and dates and I've come to realise that I probably am the reason why they became bad or had violent reactions towards me. I push people too far, so they start pushing back. 

Just to give you some examples... I have particularly been thinking about a guy I dated about a year and a half ago. He was cute, smart, I was the first person he ever dated seriously and yeah things were great... We usually met on his lunch hour and I felt good, I genuinely liked him, didn't force myself to, like I sometimes do... But of course I had to f* it up by insisting we do something else than just lunch wayyy too soon. Of course he became distant and we didn't talk as much (we used to talk like ALL the time from morning to night and I loved it) so I panicked and made things even worse. He accepted to see me again but after that date he wrote the spark wasn't there anymore and I just closed off, I didn't talk to him or anyone anymore. So yes that was definitely my fault, I 'transformed' a really cool and attentive guy to someone who doesb't even want to talk or be with me anymore! We recontacted a few months later but yeah then he was distant and didn't care about me, proving yet again that it is my fault...

Or another guy I met last year. Again, he was a good guy, we met, went out, I even met his sister. Only again I pushed him and he stopped being there, yet again I was too much. And that's when he stopped caring and being there, he even uninvited me from his sister's birthday party, and that's when I kned I had f*ed up again... 

Also, the guy who cheated on me? Most definitely my fault. We were in a long-distance relationship (how I hate that), so of course my insecurities were off the charts, especially when he was out with 'friends'. Turns out he started cheating on me after some time together. That's why he never visited me and we had to discuss exactly when I was there. I still can't find out what I did for him to do it, but considering how and who I am, I must be at fault again... 

 I can't stop thinking about all this, and I feel even mlre awful because I have a boyfriend now who does love me. But even him I feel like I 'ruined'. He was attentive and cute and wrote all the time at first but after about 2-3 months he told me he was emotionnaly distant, just like that. It MUST be me, right? Or else why wouldn't he be from the beginning? I must have done or said some things wrong or else he wouldn't be like this. And even though I feel like everything is okay (great even) I can't stop thinking they could be better if I wasn't, well... Me. Like, right now he is out of the country on business and hasn't written or called the whole day. I know that's just how he is, when he's on business his head is only set on that, nothing else, but I can't stop thinking that if I was a better person, not pushing him, then he would want to write and talk... I don't know anymore...

I guess I just feel really down today, and can't stop crying. Thank you for letting me vent like this. ",2.016590909090908,3.751022775477708,3.3124539664157524,91.65095946728432,77.61464968152866,6.478100752750435,22.405442964678635,7.348242739294969,0.6238174522292992,2365,69,530,30,55,769,236,628,0.094,0.753,0.152,0.9863,0,0,1,0,0,0,94.0,8,2,3,4,61,42,4,1,19,6,65,5,1,6,11,118,105,58,0,11,24,2,5,9,1,6,0,1,0,7,29,41,2,6,18,0,0,7,17,14,1,3,40,8,84,28,56,49,12,91,0,1,1,2,81,25,0,15,67,365,113,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444784302635653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912000465674216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440744154616138,0.0,0.0,0.2436607112094563,0.04294843675107148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446109453050293,0.05128569547758649,0.037442931663259536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864742291025732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627198191325958,0.0,0.12524982130800869,0.0,0.0,0.05291053363183746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904132112716486,0.0,0.0674703551257628,0.039612796947243706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375174003870693,0.06285712338984152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524436407434685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32455485278265256,0.05556068082891424,0.0,0.0,0.05520309222661445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242293933533192,0.08776130297626691,0.058975776945356134,0.0,0.056139570657766015,0.10449285918262842,0.0,0.0,0.04745530936037288,0.0,0.0,0.058922602998898226,0.0,0.10303750915706553,0.0,0.13543829688423767,0.06766443343026049,0.3040924672966253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064256241354625,0.06303778751335419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048934846772223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675130227738848,0.05006799780418068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280924776292338,0.0,0.27007387236102554,0.0,0.0,0.05435748161014215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087343254837076,0.05811999134226579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980546124744521,0.0,0.0903060436569118,0.0,0.04737325604476577,0.0,0.0,0.0576413876644262,0.0,0.058937089577816175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343002088608876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058635267817404114,0.0425830209183853,0.1072645061802282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622445520514994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869837936521995,0.06315314308985394,0.0,0.1318907744858789,0.0,0.10490992757576224,0.05842740265810328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894623209549651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204356552212077,0.04728647799824463,0.06074898405500598,0.0,0.0869511262288531,0.0,0.049052540817763966,0.30811460718548794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468476737970745,0.0,0.056550107838144986,0.0,0.0,0.12242026964993745,0.1967871065688805,0.06034785167242941,0.0,0.107448853325099,0.0,0.05822188570487439,0.05869237294740815,0.0,0.0,0.06681065904732936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304980878270423,0.06764883074686001,0.0,0.07245783291516966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055226714036117716,0.05693979867556705,0.16627429323174095,0.06857666099640186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259535300699914,0.043633184632489816,0.06715648164011788,0.0,0.07910888289847506
bpd,13procent,2018/11/22,"DAE experience excitement to the point of tears? there doesn't have to be anything big, I get teary and excited when I make somebody happy, or I get overly excited and smiley with random things that other people have normal reaction to, or no reaction.",10.855434782608695,8.860830630434787,10.823478260869567,58.429130434782635,57.91304347826087,14.417391304347825,40.39130434782609,13.023866798666859,5.546469565217391,203,8,31,6,2,68,36,46,0.077,0.654,0.26899999999999996,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30926411028682554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676196430306124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39269614376524864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40006255611424296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508597445043894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682193674562727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26054312734272617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35526709347960944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496750991110284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,charlotter97,2018/11/22,"Impulsive spending, in debt. I'm terribly bad at impulsive spending. I'm trying to quit self harming but seem to have replaced cutting with shopping. Whenever I'm down, I'll automatically spend. I work, so I do have money but I buy more then I can afford and definitely don't need. I spent almost £400 on a fan for goodness sake! I've wound myself into £2500 worth of debt because of this sort of spending. 

I'm trying to save up for a house but the majority of my money goes into attempting to get rid of my debt so I can close my credit account. I pay some off, only to max it again.

I'm seriously struggling on how to stop this. Has anyone experienced similar, or even been able to stop this? I feel so alone.",1.2915948275862057,3.642782758620694,3.976099137931037,82.69725215517244,83.48275862068967,6.6594827586206895,24.23491379310345,7.865858978985527,1.5728017241379308,560,22,111,11,16,197,93,145,0.21,0.664,0.126,-0.8542,4,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,1,1,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,19,18,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,2,1,16,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,12,3,24,16,3,14,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,5,4,65,16,3,0.2352321523785341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355510213930908,0.24362956755884646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447979036303992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640902158250695,0.14339533674405305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553686181187555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894044417793508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228990907687362,0.0,0.0,0.1973015689012375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714263209714904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442166037290302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890465185062804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501983493525408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141465168236364,0.2453984371569775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933292247739775,0.0,0.24591572004203044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194143808420161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125180853298608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SeeDoge,2018/11/22,"I coloured my hand in on Monday, and its STILL partially visible! I've had to go to work with a colourful left hand all week, hahaha! I was pretty embarrassed, but i also quite liked it - and it was better than turning up with new cuts :)

Only now, I've been thinking about shaving my arm to really help doodle all up it and stick'n'poke tattoos and just totally gone overboard mad planning my ""new thing"", HAHAHA!",3.706043956043956,5.9679237435897425,4.791611721611726,80.55576923076926,74.38461538461539,8.046886446886448,27.809523809523807,8.841846274778883,2.4966754578754573,324,13,57,7,7,106,57,78,0.091,0.6,0.309,0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,5,5,2,1,1,0,4,3,3,0,3,12,8,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,5,4,6,2,11,3,3,13,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,7,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111380003492436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23350567428357985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004957544956984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696813176552198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868602711024957,0.0,0.0,0.12898763108696282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099874666703873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080034519875792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686049129433033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808195002111862,0.0,0.0,0.16913901541760126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084801299770972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540423782346673,0.16917439835691836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871797153083536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117822242680001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221088950803872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smallcrustybagel,2018/11/22,Alone on my Birthday It's my birthday today. But it seems as though nobody has remembered. I've managed to scare all my friends and family away thanks to bpd. Is it worth it to keep fighting? How many more birthdays will I spend alone? Do people come back when you get better or is the trust so broken it irreparable?,2.1424423963133634,4.7574458709677465,2.709447004608297,91.41274193548388,82.2258064516129,5.478341013824887,21.76036866359447,6.868970318607317,0.6313981566820277,252,8,49,3,7,78,50,62,0.177,0.634,0.18899999999999997,0.2379,0,2,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,10,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,6,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782660737372312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692932661983425,0.17754062548422847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042039796024993,0.0,0.0,0.2907986379997891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988918142943461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766311643413816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783855109505961,0.0,0.1206308129936685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052261811255157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340868367439067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600704757113904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615540493693891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116177774673066,0.0,0.0,0.2101941378297734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257305066569565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22684885001184876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188572990031736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Stewajac,2018/11/22,How the fuck do you live like this?!? Seriously. How do you all manage to fight through the days and want to keep going? I’m just so tired of everything and I want to know how others manage ,0.2230769230769205,2.568470282051287,1.9750769230769265,94.79492307692308,89.76923076923076,5.171282051282052,15.492307692307696,6.742157984588678,-0.34776307692307684,147,3,33,2,5,48,28,39,0.263,0.63,0.107,-0.8573,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,1,11,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,9,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,22,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399406480751388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343734031769034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439530501073776,0.0,0.0,0.21144386364326606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306940003846389,0.0,0.0,0.2044682487259294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817642135774391,0.0,0.328525839428513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42761527751383416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388879535807592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,riggamaurice,2018/11/22,"Sometimes a successful day Is when you make it til bedtime without burning yourself with a curling iron, mixing benzos and alcohol or hanging yourself from a doorknob.

15 more minutes guyz",9.3840625,10.830519281250002,8.350000000000005,63.69500000000001,59.3125,8.9,53.5,8.841846274778883,6.033950000000001,155,12,18,2,2,48,29,32,0.0,0.8809999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.5859,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,14,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5403940131619321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32610721079874605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375302614790621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001081285782305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874357187564939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BootyNuggs,2018/11/22,"Emotionally unattached/unsympathetic I tend to group people I know as ""people I talk to at school or work or something"", ""friends I like to hang out with and talk to often"", then ""people who are super close to me and we can open up to each other about anything"". When it comes to people I'm super close with and a few of my friends I like to hang out with, i'm there for them no problem when they need emotional support. I talk to them, I listen, and I try to help however I can. It sounds so bitchy of me to say, but I find it cringey and almost want to roll my eyes when people outside of that group I'm really close with are like ""oh my god I just had an anxiety attack"" or ""here's my current life problem and let me tell you a lot about it."" I want nothing to do with it or them. I've definitely had my fair shair of panic attacks, mood swings, depressive and manic episodes, etc. I really truly know what it's like and it can suck sooo bad. I bend over backwards for pretty much everyone when it comes to trying to make them happy, feel special, or physically help them or give them something to the point where I completely exhaust myself. But listening to emotional stuff...it's uncomfortable trying to be supportive for a majority of people and I feel hypocritical. Maybe it's because I hold a lot of my stuff in and try to deal with it myself. The only people I confide in often is my boyfriend, my psychiatrist, and my psychologist. I almost worry if other people I trust secretly find me annoying as well.",4.721599999999999,5.510920626666668,6.032666666666668,78.52800000000002,69.4,9.066666666666668,28.666666666666664,9.255337874911486,2.349366666666666,1188,41,233,23,20,401,149,300,0.155,0.649,0.195,0.79,2,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,7,3,15,25,4,1,7,0,11,3,1,1,0,57,31,28,0,6,10,0,2,4,2,0,2,4,0,0,16,27,0,1,7,0,0,4,1,10,1,0,2,7,44,14,45,27,7,25,0,1,1,0,26,15,1,13,10,164,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802791437824544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800325177946234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315174142098302,0.0,0.0,0.20225828227437367,0.0,0.0,0.07422232404387093,0.05418862669567425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314768517754265,0.09320309906256083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164525152411064,0.07656380480504482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999795253246841,0.0,0.0,0.09913970318847733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494150821665443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989440626064299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249401967710572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735772971966695,0.0,0.0,0.08527470462409716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462873862067173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916682171951515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770703910400262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089958314884998,0.06278807802018506,0.17371541287590594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114807764403415,0.0,0.0,0.05933707324105461,0.0,0.08930542628817256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534691957480197,0.06591337247219724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852956700715718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067607480224808,0.0,0.10429731937045696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930202463574064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403305037077131,0.0,0.0,0.09043660419072318,0.0,0.17011806726797274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389485041741555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069164543429847,0.0,0.08996492492285699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686905325922474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352348283967486,0.0,0.20175048458044667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434758207051333,0.07769680011162905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141129046019366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486332892759022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799258940898704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471549587499346,0.0902756212204966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cowboycanoli,2018/11/22,"Favorite music for mood stabilizing What are some of your favorite songs, albums, mixtapes, etc. to help you get through it all? Through the highs, the lows, the inbetween? 

Music calms me down or helps me back up. It helps. I'd love to hear your selections.",2.6294326241134773,5.567842191489365,2.528829787234045,90.88416666666667,84.53191489361703,5.686524822695036,24.854609929078013,7.1686216300943375,1.2336695035460992,201,8,38,3,6,60,37,47,0.03,0.627,0.34299999999999997,0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,8,4,3,5,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,2,1,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251433592528457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646780616009663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083773698499732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685392470566541,0.0,0.6575195025932604,0.3454807807859356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951194415029397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilyrot,2018/11/22,"Splitting and the future Had a job interview a week or so ago, will find out in a few weeks. When I picture getting the job, it feels as though everything has fallen into place, like life will finally really start. When I picture not getting the job, I feel like I should just give up on my life. I feel so certain that nor getting this job would mark the start of a spiral I could never recover from. 

I realized I've felt this way before - mostly about potential romantic partners or career steps.  A situation where I have to wait and see if I will get something I really want. I idealize the future where I get the thing and have trouble thinking of it as anything but a permanent solution to all my problems and NOT getting the thing seems like a disaster I could never recover from.

I am struck by the similarities to idealizing/devaluing other people.

Anyone else experience this?",6.0444420250408255,7.072458724550903,7.077016875340233,71.36437670114321,66.54491017964072,10.623625476320086,33.744692433315194,10.637119530657019,3.9032203592814376,705,31,121,19,11,237,101,167,0.094,0.805,0.10099999999999999,-0.4298,4,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,15,0,12,2,0,0,4,34,30,16,0,8,7,0,4,3,1,5,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,5,16,5,16,21,3,23,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,5,15,92,25,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106463505783239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727779697810405,0.1278939406960814,0.10271710822511892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621354022748124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931894116113166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427199040098953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218113254838803,0.12209896138234047,0.0,0.0,0.18933985597625144,0.08917220000452533,0.11984780532749728,0.13673538505211974,0.11408420005378173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39128315530675617,0.11973974772972305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954626218296762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632963152936226,0.18294381498784834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925394140527668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653521607713625,0.0,0.1304114552239565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943691009384587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992715209994512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946623511430436,0.11363241756113855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403041166569408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609336075398406,0.0,0.0,0.17669799685619553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585115002655576,0.07998030398439958,0.12263607117666815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362270328134579,0.09907715837455444,0.2002478724908584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866930947766262,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdbiscuit,2018/11/22,"BPD Biscuit Blog So I started a blog as part of my therapy, mostly about the crazy shit I've done as someone with BPD and my journey to finding peace and balance in my life. I thought it might help others though, so if you're interested, here it is: bpdbiscuitblog.tumblr.com ",7.25416666666667,7.48160428846154,7.054615384615384,75.3570512820513,63.80769230769231,9.241025641025642,36.56410256410256,8.841846274778883,3.0554410256410245,221,10,41,3,3,70,42,52,0.105,0.735,0.16,0.4877,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,8,5,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,7,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6173223406670032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25079501517766895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399250420450628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642674288449948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731024791912474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25998398219477115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26539043993051925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25156416211839056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764976348137648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346410276392707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802626116887015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407832169197333,0.19456077997656965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DoctorCorvair,2018/11/22,"The Lone Terraformer - A poem from the other side of an ended BPD relationship [Content/Trigger Warning: Splitting, multi-year relationship ending, ""What ifs,"" and being a grounding crutch for BPD-partner]

-----------------------

It’s only appropriate that a warfaring god can lend his name
To a tortured planet that swirls dust about itself almost in a rage.
Once holding the potential for life, instead to stare ashame
Across the empty void to where life flourishes verdure.

Jealousy flares and a new storm begins to hide the scars
Emptiness fills voids with crushing dread and dries up to a cold
Polarized heart that can’t bring itself to weep and dream across the stars.
The blood red pain is its unshared suffering because outwards must be demure.

And I know now how it feels to be the lone terraformer,
Sent alone on a rocket made from the failure and dreams of many before
To the red planet to reform it to the hidden beauty that is hers.
A willing sacrifice of so much for a greater goal and future to endure.

There is loneliness abound, found between every speck of rust,
No one else volunteered; only the one soul who dared to try.
Nothing but a dry wasteland to be found; a totten trust
Collecting cobwebs and leaving the future generations unsure.

The full breadth of experience and science provides all the tools to thrive
For the terraformer seeks life that hides behind a harsh facade.
Mars may present itself as broken and barren, but beneath it all it’s alive,
Just waiting for a brave starfarer to plant a flag and present a cure.

It starts with releasing the memories and pain trapped in ice,
For their release must come forth to nurture the future
The past holds the many pains, but it hurts more to hold as vain sacrifice
As each tear that escapes the cold heart allows life and love to reassure.

With warmth, tenderness, and infinite patience against a very landscape
That strives to push away all that breathes to avoid the pain of losing again,
The terraformer must try to understand every nuance to shape
A pure vision of a future that only they can see and bring enure.

I know how the lone terraformer feels with each and every breath
Spent wisely to avoid upsetting balance in the delicate process
That masquerades as a beautiful barren dance of death.
One mistake can set back progress and turn it all to lost vapour.

And then they are left alone watching as the seeds they tried to sow
Are met with the cold front that tears away the progress made
And wonder if it was in vain or if they stood a chance to grow
Into a likeness of the home they left behind in search of nurturing love pure.

-----------------------
-----------------------

Sometimes life throws curveballs and sometimes they are far too much to handle.  Our years gone in an instant, I never tried to fix you or your BPD, just help you with a hand back up when you needed it.  It's been almost six months now, I hope you're doing well, I just wish you knew I understand you had to split, had to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Would I do it again? With every heartbeat.  I wish I could share this poem with you, but I know you're trying to help yourself as well as hold yourself together as much as you can for your kids.  I know I am too much of a wave of emotions you can't throttle, and sharing this to you would be far too much and overburden you with guilt for the circumstances beyond your control that separated us.  But I wanted to put it out there somewhere rather than keep it locked inside myself.",6.781860374414978,7.569272753510141,5.8285487519500805,81.8170508970359,64.83463338533541,8.406879875195008,31.31361154446178,8.238735603445708,2.223007145085804,2749,98,496,32,40,824,331,641,0.15,0.7020000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.8527,0,5,0,0,0,0,124.0,2,13,7,7,26,39,2,6,56,0,32,18,6,6,10,100,70,47,1,16,14,0,3,1,0,7,10,0,1,1,35,37,0,9,12,3,1,12,4,23,2,6,15,11,38,16,97,42,14,66,3,8,5,2,38,28,0,10,26,337,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430086193190881,0.14791329655817442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417941845531658,0.10981593983101784,0.0,0.043529357256194515,0.0,0.06076253430744909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698057893490153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280471875203874,0.0,0.0,0.06151124975441224,0.0,0.0,0.08008959793958341,0.057013088794935524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059651814453001537,0.0803238411431219,0.12649172361585675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406556385521517,0.0,0.0,0.06985024992113757,0.0,0.0,0.07221156844274458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060739194235490776,0.0,0.15658930497233858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923649387285705,0.09572590176248368,0.0,0.07162755793597464,0.07092377272495685,0.0,0.0,0.07644321974844237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347027869469582,0.0,0.0,0.1569748071117888,0.0,0.0,0.07561024603055469,0.15516894401925793,0.0,0.2521861916634093,0.03488610400873232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988674191805094,0.07794973590230629,0.0,0.12889613716744086,0.13513503107166586,0.0,0.14479202103174826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056996795755796935,0.0,0.2624636922188725,0.05294776622438245,0.055073876300803265,0.06896582120117438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851743477101875,0.0,0.0,0.07604667105149712,0.1451627369226787,0.16292589456589965,0.30393051452580777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816655126235477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178427363707844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332989128694266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056902542845492725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412477128480819,0.0,0.050542605363860016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053689563139460716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24240507069723305,0.07767086916024439,0.0,0.14867547909083456,0.08589444618476381,0.0,0.0,0.05891867677629314,0.04211800138060423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284078600994132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642302321859872,0.0,0.07743840200712175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145169716808453,0.0,0.0,0.09196819460600976
bpd,darpachief,2018/11/22,DBT for poor people Does anyone have any resources or tips for those of us that can’t afford therapy? ,7.881,6.827221099999999,7.550000000000002,76.55500000000005,63.0,10.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.281,82,2,15,1,1,26,19,20,0.147,0.853,0.0,-0.4767,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055753768156351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141979913862893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932317455828789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31152471782068325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138741956614936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405162039926672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smdpanda3,2018/11/22,"Are medications an okay topic on here? Not sure if this is able to be discussed but I was prescribed Xanax. If this is a discussion that’s allowed, can anyone share their experiences with meds that haven’t worked vs ones that have? Xanax helps so much and makes me feel normal but my dr is concerned and doesn’t want to keep me on it (for obvious reasons) but I’ve tried so many anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and they’ve all made me feel so shitty. She prescribed me Xanax for when I have extreme anger episodes and can’t control my intrusive thoughts as well as dissociation. Just wondering if anyone’s found something that isn’t a benzodiazepine that also doesn’t make you feel numb and shitty? I know everyone’s different but I’m at a loss bc Xanax really does help make me feel normal and I love it but also don’t want to become dependent on it. 
Sorry for the lengthiness, and thanks in advance if anyone can offer their input. ",5.117641866330388,6.452160032786889,5.633333333333336,79.74692307692311,68.89071038251366,8.909457755359396,28.284573350147124,9.265573868473778,2.3700823034888603,758,26,142,15,13,244,108,183,0.13699999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.134,-0.5577,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,4,9,9,1,0,5,1,16,8,0,8,3,45,34,25,0,8,12,0,4,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,10,9,0,2,9,0,0,1,7,3,1,1,4,4,15,6,14,29,2,7,0,1,0,1,11,5,0,6,1,90,25,1,0.1396774635089014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340003420798168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685287727027973,0.0,0.0,0.2929971904446394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426278454460735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666015234102687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030399464882455,0.0,0.0,0.14593322053413035,0.0,0.0,0.12223268958645593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346780212895273,0.0,0.13663136131559822,0.0,0.0,0.2825004895531804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314912924427201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724571903089854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241517473584935,0.0,0.0,0.07676308106324617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606436418905445,0.13216619323190154,0.27970737451641325,0.1416110247532405,0.0,0.0,0.3103003478564953,0.1407103496707701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267900717397667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737085158103458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464906415479978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948095976966522,0.14361169573584748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753053543260246,0.0,0.1563574848358472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316443563422582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285962421399385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088830390199192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948318290530388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647707737916847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255868142835128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147425093372216,0.10168685698504172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kimpossible11,2018/11/22,"My FP just died- he was six years old and he was a cat named wasabi I feel volatile and defensive and very very strange. Nothing has felt real for the last few days days since he died in front of me. I feel like I lost a limb. He saw me through my first episodes, depression and was my therapy cat through and through. He had an understanding look and the loudest wholesome purr. They were so heartbreakingly reassuring. I'm floundering fast. I've got an understanding boss but have just told my bf (second most FP) that I need to move out after he gave me some strongly worded criticism. I know I'm sounding crazy but everything is so overwhelming I do feel very extreme and am possibly jumping to conclusions. I'm sorry to vent. I hope you are close and cosy with yourselves and friends and family today.  ",3.7357792207792215,6.059730240259746,4.024675324675325,85.79987012987014,74.51948051948051,8.036363636363637,29.181818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.4060181818181814,643,28,126,14,14,200,103,154,0.129,0.7759999999999999,0.095,-0.5506,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,4,4,10,1,1,6,0,11,0,0,1,0,34,29,14,2,2,4,0,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,13,0,1,8,0,0,3,0,5,0,3,11,7,16,5,12,18,3,15,0,4,2,0,14,3,0,3,10,68,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294504216794926,0.0,0.13551836414733293,0.0,0.3265921413551698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414087711939637,0.0,0.1483279580165392,0.0,0.2386704052938224,0.11240509826251956,0.15107291660070055,0.0,0.0,0.1338349557928884,0.0,0.0,0.12156197619749327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584070595957428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627602747754446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647100375151069,0.12825466400626442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686931390121479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212758425640278,0.0,0.17175729098587034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722955921204574,0.0,0.11666703915265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509738146684737,0.0,0.16510387607004534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737937244198418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908955017741096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015486119655684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761313963763086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993419668545524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914174155904195,0.15034694619786934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275969729605283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894706836820269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013230370798614
bpd,hintoftheblues,2018/11/22,"Has anyone quit drinking to help control their symptoms? If so, how much of a difference did you see? ",3.1515789473684217,5.842012842105267,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,78.47368421052632,5.905263157894738,30.552631578947373,7.1686216300943375,2.0528736842105264,80,4,14,1,2,25,19,19,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.4696,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530631578046773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059245018024104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781297857593406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545442061424587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258761426068898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660531361027361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849468936269966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884036997322837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761738710432472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meditatively,2018/11/22,"Anyone else get triggered when a person from the opposite sex suddenly calls you ""friend""? I don't know why but I hate it when they randomly call me *""friend"" *or something silimar. Even when it's coming from someone I'm not interested in whatsoever.

I kind of get the feeling the person wants to make something clear. In my head it feels like being friendzoned or something while I'm sure it is the same kind of* ""buddy"" *they tell their friends. I guess I kind of feel rejected. But it's so irrational.",2.047812499999999,4.816419822916668,3.140416666666667,86.79625000000001,85.14583333333334,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.6820791666666668,397,16,75,8,12,127,65,96,0.153,0.703,0.14300000000000002,-0.4698,0,1,3,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,0,5,11,1,0,5,0,3,2,1,2,2,18,16,9,0,1,5,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,11,9,8,15,1,8,0,1,0,1,12,2,0,4,6,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692402958426768,0.15668286748881965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122933593752412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172557353275116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774361604524626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100109371205523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23196025865506986,0.10924486274292784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544328934290601,0.0,0.15978699861218715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168456745558251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097516063631936,0.15693829081768632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777226274210031,0.08403989749659634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470815626768895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207415143587084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670447191973861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295671777720568,0.3531719304517405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412368627952168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365733271774785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019517421714122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798497914805033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MinimumLeadership,2019/09/19,"If one more person my fiancë confides in about supporting me through BPD tells him to leave me... Why are we demonized, I'm so tired of everyone telling him to leave me when they hear I have BPD.  We've been together 6 years, but somehow because some woman's BPD ex husband was fine for 20 years before he showed his ""manipulative"" and ""abusive"" side I somehow will one day just become a demon.  

I'm trying so hard to be emotionally stable, I'm medicated and in DBT, I'm always exhausted from actively trying to stay in ""wise mind"" and not act impulsively.  It was like a massive kick in the guts to see us portrayed as raging manipulative narcissists.",8.465026881720432,7.187902330645166,9.028064516129033,67.1454301075269,61.983870967741936,12.137634408602151,38.40860215053763,11.20814326018867,4.3016763440860215,515,22,93,12,6,174,92,124,0.111,0.759,0.13,0.5544,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,3,0,7,4,1,2,0,14,14,9,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,3,3,12,4,15,9,2,11,2,0,1,0,14,5,0,4,5,54,13,0,0.0,0.17486351192636304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280213561217734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996614786433695,0.16299549689043016,0.1255835484531048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576325741812648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517980000942694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660127101528762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102332452446806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220673299317787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633846962176682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31254137452147923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210233712361122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486758678051822,0.0,0.0,0.14901828414506393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001416787163906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288651021024967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176057471596564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730545161241746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747715373376515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579907347231832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962668443738133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004003900637321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752599471438574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331720655624066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900791722249228
bpd,sunfacedestroyer,2019/09/19,"DBT therapy? I've known a few people who have suggested this to me, as regular cbt therapy has never really gotten me anywhere. As I've looked more into the idea that I have BPD, I see it come up a lot but googling doesn't help explain it much.

What are the details of it? Why does it come up so often in regards to BPD? Can anyone share their experiences with it?",2.718,4.175647400000003,4.703666666666667,83.60350000000003,75.0,8.200000000000001,25.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.9199333333333333,285,10,59,6,6,98,56,75,0.053,0.909,0.039,-0.261,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,12,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,10,11,4,7,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,2,1,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459924239929228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209142675499422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562794670478943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097191598124515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228990562234525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861356011617368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334518248902042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365976483832898,0.0,0.0,0.175813811635159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520216623081291,0.0,0.15949676990024386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336895658299165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324812600307158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479268198585015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472987233644296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660467179237272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NefariousBanana,2019/09/19,"I fucking hate BPD. I fucking hate going through this pain so often. I need to stop trying to make FPs out of people who exhibit symptoms of it.  I'm going to get hurt every time, never ends well.  It's always a powder keg.  I don't know why I convinced myself I can ""fix"" people who have it.  That was my mistake.",-0.5005811965811944,1.7222555230769243,2.2943589743589783,91.47675213675215,93.76923076923076,3.5042735042735047,17.991452991452988,5.033348758259628,-0.38775213675213616,239,7,48,1,9,83,49,65,0.337,0.6629999999999999,0.0,-0.9717,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,1,8,15,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,7,1,0,1,0,8,2,7,14,0,7,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,1,4,31,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368400404738196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26289406610136823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487700150788708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586799981714488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859437605289165,0.1090552732404554,0.0,0.2372574973525294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121646326351279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345482927594304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471514033297765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933204293603255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477414610669907,0.16098908008922738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210845336776172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894207380887269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451156803877024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169552917026165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171489076103773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171716959731234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767757657662126,0.0,0.18835061343872614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dil_bee,2019/09/19,"I feel like y'all will get this. Constant deja vu is the theme of today. That is all.

We're wayward trappers
           Falling in
     With our quarry.

We're predictable instabilities,
   Each uniquely boring,
     With our bullshit 
      And bath salts 
        To comfort,           (Deja vu)
                                
   And Our Every last word
FracturedExposedForgotten 
           On a hill,
    Down the highway,
     Of Second-hand
       Constellations.            
 ",3.5028912071535028,6.528001852459017,4.176005961251864,74.99980625931448,96.04918032786884,4.185394932935917,25.21758569299553,6.1124844417494595,1.303839344262296,287,12,42,3,11,91,49,61,0.12300000000000001,0.797,0.08,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,8,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974982426233324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878830011971375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327777571075227,0.3288896245278709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24052520484035175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752643691521385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491435155050676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363785285630743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thepastpassed_,2019/09/19,"Are more people with BPD introverts or extroverts? I saw a post with some commenters discussing how shy they were in their youth and how that could have caused extreme emotional distress and contributed to the onset of BPD. 


Personally, I’ve always been extremely introverted despite being in public school and sports during my childhood. I could rarely connect to people due to shyness so I missed out on a lot of healthy socializing and even began to fear it. Could this cause have caused me to develop interpersonal and emotional problems?",8.806451612903224,10.361885935483876,7.837795698924732,66.47669354838713,60.61290322580646,10.931182795698923,38.08064516129032,10.864195022040775,4.648535483870969,444,21,65,11,6,137,70,93,0.16699999999999998,0.774,0.059000000000000004,-0.8985,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,9,0,0,5,0,20,12,9,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,7,0,13,4,3,9,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,3,4,48,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802981139403378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178533142370802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112295208489186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973376062241513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731971428213765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956563884047683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186667017796979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102970192376546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23000788190610116,0.14484459614492812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887220837048044,0.0,0.0,0.1587297747520921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788472262737034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909911534193986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,breatheart,2019/09/19,"I can't tell if I was misdiagnosed or not I was diagnosed with C-PTSD stemming from repeated sexual assault and rejection/ostracized from friends and family. When I was diagnosed I had already had about 3 suicide attempts and was self harming. After a stint in inpatient and the requirement to see a therapist every week, I regained a lot of self worth and finally felt happy and healed. I moved far away for a job, entered an emotionally abusive relationship and eventually unraveled during the #metoo movement and the Brett Kavanaugh trials amongst other stressors like running into my rapist, etc. 

At this time my new therapist suggested maybe I was BPD but then decided she didn't want to diagnose me. I agreed but thought maybe she was on to something simply because when I get sick, brain sick, I get really realllyyy destructive. 

I recently moved again far away for a job and have been on the brink of a breakdown. With prolonged exposure to my family that so generously kicked me out when I told them I was raped, to my long distance relationship issues, I finally crashed yesterday. Completely out of control just randomly spiralled into a really bad place. I drank, I self harmed, I started arguments with my partner. I felt exactly how desperate I was 3 years ago when I ended up in the hospital. 

So today, after waking up at 4am and miserably walking myself to my work while talking to hotlines and texting hotlines all morning, I decided to start reading again. I think I was misdiagnosed. With C-PTSD there is this consistent issue of low self worth and instead of validating emotions you look at how irrational you are being. You might drink, but you don't harm yourself. My emotions fluctuate rapidly when I get bad. For instance, 4-9am I wished I was dead, 9-11:30am I was happy and refreshed, 11:30-12pm I wished I was dead and then decided to read about this because I feel absolutely out of control. I feel desperate. 

I read something about BPD about how relationships are black and white, good and bad, and that's exactly what I'm struggling with in my relationship. How could he do this bad thing and be a good person? I should ignore the bad thing because he's a good person. I want to be with him. No I need out because I got hurt and I can't move on from hurt. The avoidance screams C-PTSD but the fear of abandonment screams BPD. I just can't keep showing up at work with bruises on my forehead because I ""bumped into a counter top picking something up"". I work in an important office and one that I've always wanted and my sick brain is going to get me fired. I talked to my therapist Tuesday about all my emotions and kept talking about my overreactions and how I just need to get over things but I can't and maybe it's because I'm approaching everything all wrong. Maybe I should be validating how I feel instead of calling myself crazy. I don't know how to get better and I probably have to go back on pills again and I keep going on and off them because I don't know if they really work. I don't have consistent enough friendships that they can tell if I'm worse off pills or not since I'm at a physical distance from everyone important to me that could point out my issues. I'm an unreliable narrator and I don't know what to do about it. I hit my head because there's so much pressure and clouded thoughts that's I just want some relief. I feel like my brain is going to burst because I get so obsessive when I think about my pain. But when I'm not wallowing in it or hurt by someone, I'm very satisfied and happy with who I am. I just don't want to be like this anymore. Every few months I spiral and I hate myself for it.",5.3741590051862325,6.458341371994344,6.143625353606794,77.25010092527111,68.09476661951909,9.738908533710513,33.82393328618576,9.928628108626363,3.4324408533710518,2918,135,539,68,48,958,289,707,0.23199999999999998,0.67,0.099,-0.9988,2,1,4,0,0,1,66.0,0,4,4,10,39,41,5,6,22,0,48,20,6,10,5,122,100,64,3,16,20,0,7,3,2,3,10,2,0,7,22,47,2,9,16,5,2,12,15,29,0,1,24,13,96,12,87,65,9,85,0,6,4,2,34,40,0,10,36,366,118,10,0.0,0.05983045706356755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476237115674564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572448040732363,0.0,0.04201738728176069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050079262029694316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488682179475658,0.038828926346999776,0.21081361615080832,0.2770414547269673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466032076953594,0.0,0.0,0.19079687591341812,0.16911340526410934,0.0515628841630731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294493968749009,0.0,0.11327292210373775,0.08063518024942412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375958350045604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049467644927054515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272084374238321,0.044725181311045664,0.052176698593133126,0.05631728621412412,0.0,0.0,0.0850914728655115,0.048251861523151036,0.045383272612867884,0.0,0.09520778800264364,0.056822944987708665,0.10213080821524574,0.03607492784536612,0.09696970422161927,0.11063356403482802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03901370656536255,0.0,0.18467747638571688,0.0,0.1147939927622,0.12706297361648974,0.04038690822456488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126436489880402,0.0,0.04985514091600031,0.05182429063731536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217362364191548,0.0,0.0,0.1581166359700341,0.10022057508772032,0.08976776160008032,0.0,0.0,0.0832551708757932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401056523342157,0.0,0.0,0.04468808370978691,0.042404598564561774,0.0,0.0,0.04293057814189157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029233129005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535691305525472,0.0,0.0,0.04030606827792636,0.1610103378433283,0.03712096218312267,0.07488548267686042,0.0,0.048770129290909785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0342179421856422,0.0,0.05373216120213463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818372539129224,0.05275841391346939,0.0,0.04773580308364976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444409693348623,0.0,0.17708418963728595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153141156511146,0.0,0.09704863969198296,0.0,0.04985950332191511,0.21685868425787694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040239416035677655,0.0,0.21071672377569406,0.0,0.0,0.04177147922084103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042785779320842814,0.1166247234713102,0.0,0.0,0.07148379749164532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279022500360294,0.0,0.055235309110546166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217622581118801,0.0882728672586297,0.0,0.0,0.17589204922309526,0.10064350105708998,0.06471262781766604,0.0,0.08017764583021214,0.029445093295226838,0.0,0.047865067053356976,0.048251861523151036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041665152882718236,0.1489216206688051,0.0,0.04050549134668198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161376681620713,0.0,0.0,0.14704910289078113,0.0,0.051460558733804895,0.0,0.055210329549711966,0.0,0.032518287054851096
bpd,existentialost,2019/09/19,"DAE seek validation from exes? Do any of you remain close to the people you’ve dated?

I only recently realised the extent to which I seek validation and affection from people I saw, whether we were in a long-term relationship, just dating, or fuckbuddies. I’m friends with all of my exes as I really do think they’re good people. I don’t think it’s particularly unhealthy for the most part as I don’t act out on them, typically don’t crave attention, and don’t get jealous when they date someone new. But when I’m having a particularly bad night, I always turn to exes, asking over and over again if they ever loved me, if they still love me (as a friend), and if i meant something to them. Which is pretty selfish on my part. 

I would like to know if there are any skills I could practice to curb this behaviour—how once I’m upset, I run to those I love for validation, and I need it to feel like an actual person with worth.",7.363494623655917,5.812775887096777,8.203333333333337,73.05833333333334,64.32258064516128,11.277419354838711,31.956989247311824,10.25414643259724,2.916918279569893,729,21,147,14,9,248,112,186,0.085,0.747,0.168,0.943,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,5,1,7,12,1,1,7,0,12,3,0,1,2,32,28,17,0,7,8,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,6,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,3,2,24,8,25,23,5,20,0,0,1,3,15,7,0,6,13,97,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.14928864863654412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272935217634935,0.0,0.0,0.2080664085427846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430177915506291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773382340782796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221439115568108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838124114980233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735244323433922,0.10929057968328157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638747799572485,0.0,0.07992693324752315,0.0,0.0,0.12831428799481726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407506662844126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494788404792697,0.0,0.0,0.13538451399023327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41421747297770456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343443078663985,0.0,0.14775125051613328,0.0,0.14356351735792933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629211477475513,0.0,0.11634992640461468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313298275653337,0.0,0.3181759761767109,0.13357823621930845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556379886794367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800437333166807,0.0,0.1510515570295884,0.16424572914940344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962139922274366,0.11777324210891575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221718556836152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960497506006695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664008032852317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867423067321716,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hmmmm_sure,2019/09/19,Kind of an nsfw question but... Does anyone Else go into these rvereies/stupors of just half sleeping and masturbating/pleasuring yourself self sexually for hours on end and then you kinda just “wake” up afterwards and what feels like 30 min can be like 2 hours and you can’t really do anything else but half sleep and pleasure yourself?,7.196967213114752,8.477398491803282,6.606680327868855,74.85788934426232,64.08196721311475,9.378688524590164,34.92213114754098,9.516144504307137,3.4000459016393436,272,12,45,5,4,84,48,61,0.0,0.863,0.13699999999999998,0.8201,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,13,6,8,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,6,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,8,27,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550980382845433,0.2272754354170781,0.18253464839372424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411159206338752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37059554019851054,0.0,0.19646204006498735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215620790841707,0.15846450952111624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606244035335767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43688571664810616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309859397219388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167349757772043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848329692194335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210021573618606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314011716401883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44394990577283255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,secrets1788,2019/09/19,"Intimacy I don’t understand how normal people connect intimately, 

Like do they move across a linear path... like a to b then to c and d and so on? 

Am I I going from a-z then z-a... or am I actually only going to a to b or c and freaking out back to retreat mode? 

Is there a way to move through this gently?

Thinking about it this way actually brings me more peace somehow",0.43965189873418,2.34070794936709,3.9447943037974684,84.36883702531647,83.43037974683544,6.481645569620253,23.799050632911392,7.645422480735847,1.2404037974683546,284,11,62,5,8,105,51,79,0.038,0.7659999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.8964,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,10,9,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,12,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.470610265063833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541175037352728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740760192568407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356049082829047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125596022748157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23625322726317885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338792066749834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716707516279738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545044213651193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510216718836316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827907187786299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,indiefrecks,2019/09/19,"Am I overreacting??? Im so tired. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months. He seems so supportive of my BPD and PTSD. Sometimes he doesn’t understand but always comes around. We’ve been really good lately. Meaning no fighting and its been really good. But I was triggered so hard this morning when I saw him write in his journal he misses his cheating ex. I don’t know what to do. He claims he loves me and that he’s never felt this way before. 

Also idk what to do because half the things he tells me I feel like are variations of the truth or lies. Especially now. How can I believe you love me when you miss someone who cheated on you years ago. 

Now I feel myself questioning the relationship. I feel like he’s with me out of loneliness. Its so hard to give the benefit of the doubt (especially with BPD as you know). I feel like I trusted him and now I want nothing to do with him. I took all my stuff from his apartment without him knowing today. Im so upset. Am I over reacting?",1.0585666666666675,3.5213427900000016,2.823000000000004,89.66566666666668,86.1,6.133333333333334,22.833333333333336,7.492282038375204,1.121133333333333,778,29,161,14,24,257,118,200,0.191,0.627,0.18100000000000002,0.5579,0,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,4,0,0,13,18,3,2,5,0,14,3,0,3,3,36,35,18,0,1,4,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,12,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,7,8,33,11,20,28,1,20,0,2,1,2,29,6,0,4,14,106,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110017773096654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925229773043716,0.1032711016110315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048596674584864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565750506972223,0.0,0.105610145363697,0.1398316893878012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31262936344886577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069114727044845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510189651271302,0.2659968489340101,0.1191669547502964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905951102340295,0.0,0.20819846430645655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235989445198384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681244510792097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462607904442606,0.0,0.14000370832521228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819045185093735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240317975250025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351943202212438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906499051828914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572280268035248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908878272754685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450802514929164,0.0,0.13903381098542522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901861236056655,0.0,0.0,0.1332498083891531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298687635265485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515966959392467,0.0,0.1227499120650314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207851235303054,0.0,0.1408407929922917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847933241341992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824544781462287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264845213928104,0.11764363572010585,0.0,0.13789296556648353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920493802441196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320445565564067,0.0985143050099692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963951032912586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992403963956074
bpd,dancingturtle24,2019/09/19,"Obsessed with my job? So im just gunna vent & hope it makes sense & hope someones like 'same'

I just feel like im obsessed with my job & if i dont do the smallest detail thats it im sacked, but at the same time feel i deserve more & expect promotions & recognition 

But to get promotions i need to accept im good at my job & if i accept it then ill get complacent but what if i think im better than i am & its not the case? I cant take the risk of not constantly trying to prove myself in case someone notices im not doing well or someone that already thinks that & i prove them right 

Current situation
Off work holiday, left handover to more senior members of my team & none of it has gotten done, because i keep checking - itll nag at me until i do check

Its really getting to me & im thinking they dont think im worthy, think my work is pointless, are sat discussing me & every decision I've ever made

Idk i feel honestly paranoid & like im going back into work to get screamed at for doing something wrong???

I cant handle mistakes & i thought i did everything right",4.011797101449275,4.459637165217393,5.42217391304348,83.49862318840582,70.82608695652173,8.046376811594204,29.681159420289852,8.021203637495839,1.930168115942029,868,33,179,11,15,293,122,230,0.115,0.726,0.16,0.9172,4,0,1,1,0,0,37.0,0,0,2,7,6,18,1,3,4,0,15,1,0,2,3,40,38,10,0,8,12,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,14,2,2,1,8,7,1,0,6,4,26,11,21,31,5,19,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,6,11,98,37,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057767720341013025,0.0,0.0,0.7373525833018154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040252659907448515,0.0,0.03191107623027449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629787306577415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656998335138934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357055035509437,0.1227037832291906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047352091371551726,0.04410575362900771,0.0,0.04704733325993561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940671573858979,0.03739768101668018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939943636110502,0.0,0.029750781085091594,0.04390732326810662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398747239221802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089069359830082,0.0,0.15584301850184773,0.046529630333445315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056876649614038224,0.0,0.0,0.07672429789264933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953328684051235,0.03494293882202828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881564789171284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595989582855771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03353570182095048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941043202201246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058841753369290865,0.0,0.0,0.13306379438509267,0.04030032737911477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03935945417318685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677135865142891,0.0,0.041558752886206925,0.030524751463993013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03554110226850952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706746516014405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433069528103315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572347172023835,0.0,0.0
bpd,SammiSmash,2019/09/19,"WHY do I keep RUINING ANYTHING that is good in my life! Again, AGAIN - another relationship RUINED. All because of my inability to want to keep my exboyfriend/FP as ONLY a friend. He wants to take some time apart, for us to deal with our respective issues, mine being this stupid shit controlling me. But I NEED his help, and he's not willing or wanting to be that person. 

I CAN'T.  I am physically unable to be only friends with a man who meant so much to me, who told me first that he loved me, but somehow took it back later. I cannot be only a friend who someone who used to look into my eyes and caress my face telling me he loved me.  HOW does he expect that of me? How does he expect me to be his friend and have me sit idly by while he fixes himself, and MAYBE there's a chance for something in the future. It's like dangling a carrot - it's torture.

I get he's doing this to protect me, or so he claims, because he doesn't want to hurt me more, but how can he expect that I can just give up every feeling I have for him, and pretend it was nothing? 

I'd rather go on and have no one in this city like before, than him.   But I need him. 

FUCK THIS SHIT. I FUCK EVERYTHING UP - ALWAYS. I'm too needy, I'm too paranoid, I'm just FUCKED. Can someone just cut out my heart so I dont feel anymore? I can't find my switch to flip anymore.

He fucking tore down every wall I ever had and left me with nothing. NOTHING. Pretty sure he took my switch too.

I literally just to scream, and kick, and punch, and cry, pull my hair out. 

I was having a genuinely good day. The first one I have had in WEEKS - and he robbed me of that. 

If you need me, i'll be digging a hole in the field across the road to lay down and cry in...",1.743591874422897,3.1587130775623287,3.2564626038781164,93.14803647276086,77.50415512465375,5.921366574330564,22.005632502308398,6.42735559955562,0.2217655771006464,1315,36,303,10,30,433,180,361,0.163,0.7,0.136,-0.9591,0,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,2,1,0,3,20,25,9,0,11,0,28,13,6,5,3,57,58,27,0,12,13,0,3,2,4,1,1,1,0,2,18,18,0,4,4,1,0,4,7,13,0,4,8,7,49,12,41,43,4,36,0,3,2,6,41,19,6,5,14,197,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536218783284024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497141453310602,0.0,0.0,0.1796438567826009,0.0,0.0,0.0745320777303027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696433793250244,0.0,0.1104222772698574,0.0,0.07706910730874111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158288965842206,0.0,0.0,0.1989756124919882,0.05841069400336483,0.09337455100212934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851829113358207,0.0,0.1061483407518219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192650296414229,0.15261966476072114,0.0,0.0813992239018776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159066817534167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827800997626656,0.15407900712948486,0.0,0.0,0.2798992010158096,0.3349250995613644,0.04731952162887045,0.08688379510878914,0.0514734911205556,0.15193303381878534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732687218777964,0.060707719643734726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969579490547374,0.0,0.0,0.09453241773113254,0.0,0.16100703419928095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840547414542394,0.0,0.06397285725031833,0.08849666736508338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760566881650424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348742428641394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909905744491086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665799828490198,0.20147137327704304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607154684909159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274627972249184,0.20664959740055824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908295715977329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921430971057397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723917854906114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593931534297128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348074434659092,0.06972585148508416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536193744634499,0.0,0.06809799410304157,0.0,0.0791628993763729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052812580582173765,0.0,0.0,0.08654431145390168,0.20125505411939235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894555939262243,0.07822411913681243,0.0,0.0,0.21368409366253546,0.0,0.07265045840808923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172608863005956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nicola397,2019/09/19,"Something I wrote a long time ago that I recently found again Just something I'd like to put out there, you can agree or disagree with me but please don't be rude about it.

I am diagnosed professionally with borderline personality disorder, so I'm personally affected by everything I'm about to say and I'm going to say somethings in this that maybe taken the wrong way but please know everything I'm about to write is from my heart. 

People with borderline personality disorder experience extremely strong emotions and extreme fear of abandonment, this can cause some actions and outbursts to feel abusive to our friends and family. I want you to know that this is the last thing any of us want to do is hurt who we love. But we lose control sometimes and will push people away and keep pushing them away till we get control of our emotions again. Once in control again we realise what we have done and then try to apologize which for me is the worst part because I have been called horrible things when I've tried to ask for forgiveness. I totally understand why people don't want to be around me and knowing this hurts and is the main cause of my suicidal thoughts and behaviour. 


What I want to say is if you have any type of relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder and you know they are getting help and trying their hardest to get better and control their emotions. Please never tell them they are abusive, it hurts and I sit here a lot of times thinking that I should just die because then I wouldn't hurt anyone ever again. This has hit me really hard lately because a person I had a long term relationship with has started telling everyone I was abusive to her. Its mean because she never mentions the amount of appointments I had trying to get control, all the times I realised I was having a breakdown and I took my self to hospital to get the care I needed, ect. My point is yes sometimes people suffering borderline personality disorder come off abusive and if you are not ready to deal with their struggle to control their emotions please don't get close to them and then tell them they are abusive, it really hurts and it's hard to get over the fact that someone thinks I intentionally meant to hurt them makes me wish I was never born. 

I personally would like to start an discussion no how to help your friends and how to recognise when they are in a breakdown, rather then make them feel like more of a bad person. 

And no I'm not excusing abusive behaviour I'm just trying to help people understand there friends or family suffering this horrible personality disorder.

This is all personal experience and doesn't represent anyone elses experience with bpd in anyway.",10.537343073593078,8.515372160714291,9.686608946608946,66.41798701298703,58.54365079365079,13.369985569985573,42.35353535353535,11.995994275388036,5.0207373015873005,2195,98,384,53,22,698,222,504,0.24600000000000002,0.623,0.131,-0.9981,0,0,3,0,1,0,23.0,8,6,14,9,24,27,1,2,16,1,41,3,1,14,8,102,88,38,2,12,13,0,4,3,3,4,1,3,0,11,24,37,0,8,15,0,0,7,12,16,0,0,13,7,59,11,59,68,11,49,0,10,0,1,68,12,0,6,31,265,83,2,0.0,0.3241245614307365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040415825628646006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201019308667971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375997410637517,0.04671585803884468,0.0,0.04058781995605042,0.042623703321439235,0.0,0.08567305853133676,0.0,0.03806861044362435,0.11117332941142002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04032368460599195,0.0,0.0,0.05742333026702681,0.0,0.046555990699138496,0.0,0.046485541544346885,0.0936740258450445,0.0,0.03927470368565028,0.0,0.0,0.3068214585076979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700482535708788,0.0,0.046276372727789665,0.0473187831004791,0.0,0.2612701097609931,0.0,0.0,0.046657909611081946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03808746117672525,0.20514589265441285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124186860998811,0.0,0.04356647718121077,0.08195287179743434,0.13379737262570476,0.08596285806508414,0.05130528559998527,0.04610681728282416,0.03257195621426737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999084376991852,0.10567611506669954,0.0,0.1667448012753168,0.0,0.025911797536634525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168551742162858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054028435255276674,0.09168094718706807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928522652084566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052553636176142,0.0,0.0,0.1002278292189208,0.03716473153674176,0.05143137607470519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668239421159602,0.0,0.0,0.0806975033815163,0.0,0.0510073869376782,0.0,0.03876190459714236,0.041149851561202,0.0,0.06086793845860574,0.0,0.0458047296101474,0.04966461252805796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033806951372021804,0.10549339419229006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048555516003207684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937324272235373,0.0,0.15804372152496,0.3981042532598027,0.0,0.2001915831374392,0.04310052939144692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583399114214327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841663876642648,0.0,0.04501801267705503,0.09790056405114224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877317894545303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756389208771072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726233225499357,0.10530015202501658,0.0901861381541238,0.0,0.06454253025558053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766415347327015,0.0,0.049871813397440616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955200490963347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605804992640836,0.05842885920166716,0.0,0.0361960913759688,0.07975768880106095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065597943757491,0.15477473407781042,0.0,0.0,0.09492873921320016,0.054843283718319376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756874754841968,0.036189943325904805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114097987026714,0.0,0.0524301955421376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03238826524083943,0.049849259418532285,0.0,0.0
bpd,IvysaurousRex,2019/09/19,"Disability in the States for BPD? Hey everyone, so I'm wondering if anyone has had experience applying for SSDI in the states. I'm in Minnesota, more specifically, and I'm in the process of applying myself. My BPD is severe enough that it prevents me from holding down a job for more than a few months at a time and it has been for a couple years. I'd love to have a little financial help while I continue therapy and DBT to focus on recovery. I've also been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, dysthymia, and possibly PTSD. I want to make sure I have as much information as possible before I apply to give myself the best chance. Thank you!",6.033629032258062,6.9003607500000035,7.679193548387103,67.61379032258068,66.5,12.329032258064515,34.04838709677419,11.93303328291395,4.687487096774194,519,23,91,19,8,181,85,124,0.055,0.7829999999999999,0.162,0.9102,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,9,0,8,2,0,1,1,14,17,10,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,4,21,14,6,15,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,5,64,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472282131100202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887662387417842,0.0,0.0,0.11779588805896575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335281971108507,0.0,0.1767954896871228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243560182645288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640528530446854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099023323074525,0.0,0.0,0.1930775225925468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407121543660406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097722563686734,0.0,0.16479283489154126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616086840885526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291973000668658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717728207866034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884796912816885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204784431246313,0.0,0.1124528823221876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446857474291735,0.0,0.12384246569105062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798419586566084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692864794646925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903195067093832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587779443183834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551015747379532,0.19265644239625715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823433288703512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936607034780644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269503417141936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848708147853736
bpd,novaalien,2019/09/19,My brother was diagnosed with BPD My brother has BPD and struggles with depression. I want him to be happy and I know I can't change his brain chemistry but I want to know how to support him. How do I support him?,0.22030303030303244,2.614907090909089,2.02,93.64166666666668,91.72727272727272,4.751515151515153,25.51515151515152,6.42735559955562,0.987724242424243,168,8,35,2,6,55,27,44,0.087,0.657,0.256,0.7876,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,2,0,11,11,5,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,3,5,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5568946386858994,0.24680264881337866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338773563579717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904191616323864,0.22439541341556865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353478268270603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430037603165336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311248006980177,0.0,0.0,0.5017665753492574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608019184942231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,londonsolivan,2019/09/19,break ups + BPD any tips/encouragement for a person with BPD going through a break up with FP?,1.912105263157894,4.294683631578948,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,81.10526315789474,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.3433999999999999,75,2,16,1,2,24,15,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420547999485675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8966005121600847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022917413035808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31079743695290946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway58t0,2019/09/19,Had a really intense argument with my partner and I don't know if the police will be called or not. I lost my mind and I need help. I don't know what to do or who to call. I feel trapped. I'm a fucking adult and I don't know how to cope with life.,-1.2485632183908066,0.2986470172413789,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,87.44827586206898,5.2459770114942526,18.287356321839077,6.42735559955562,-0.4051126436781609,189,5,52,2,6,66,37,58,0.11599999999999999,0.767,0.11699999999999999,-0.2319,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,16,15,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,5,11,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,3,0,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866418061760234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524546767041718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265563914367469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254191079769198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736058175256842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289769153659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31357429536772635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29004707788567435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299698187450294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840238063997577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,android2420,2019/09/19,"Does anyone else have very few memories from childhood? Every day, it seems harder and harder to remember my childhood. I know something has made me this way, but I can’t remember what it is. How it happened. 

I remember being 12, 17, 19 and balling my hands up in my hair, repeating the things she’s done the past few weeks, or something that had flooded back from when I was small, or something I mentioned to a friend and they gave me that funny look I’ve learned to recognize. Praying that I would remember, so someone - anyone - would believe me.

That there was something wrong with me, but not in the ways they thought. That something wasn’t right and I’m not just this way for no reason. That I couldn’t shove it down anymore and I couldn’t just get over it and I couldn’t live my life on eggshells.

That it was evolving. 

I don’t remember when I started to feel like something was wrong. Well, more so when I noticed I didn’t feel like other people did. I was never able to figure out how to act like them, pretend as well as they had to be pretending. I don’t remember the first time I self-harmed. Or the first time I started to think that I didn’t like this whole living thing.

I remember fighting so hard to remember. Clinging to the few recollections I have. Holding onto the moments that I felt validated.

And honestly, I sound so dramatic. Because it wasn’t that bad. No one ever hit me. I remember that. And I was taken care of. I remember that. And I was loved. I remember that.

So now I’m 24 and I feel like I just have to give up on remembering and accept what they tell me. Maybe I am entitled, and kind of a hoe, and a tease, and spoiled, and ungrateful, and weird, and overdramatic, and I need to take responsibility. Maybe I just have a bad memory and nothing was ever wrong at all. I was just born like this and have to deal with the consequences of that.

At this point I can’t tell last week from yesterday, and 5 years ago from one. 

Sorry this was super long! I’ve been feeling down and just got carried away with it. I’m 24 and feel like I’ve been having memory issues for as long as I can remember, but it’s especially been affecting my childhood memories now and everything else feels like it’s slowly being eaten up. But does anyone else experience this? Maybe I’ve just hit my head a few times too many, or smoked too much weed. If you read all that thank you. I’m kind of realizing now that it’s gotten a lot worse and maybe I should tell a doctor or something, but I’m also scared I’m exaggerating.",2.061952662721893,4.278842021696256,3.4928051282051307,88.08136153846155,79.4733727810651,6.896236686390535,23.7494674556213,7.9765259561132025,1.3022423195266275,1983,69,412,36,50,650,216,507,0.10400000000000001,0.75,0.146,0.9724,0,0,8,0,3,0,64.0,0,2,5,3,29,28,2,1,15,0,44,7,3,5,5,97,80,51,0,8,20,0,10,8,1,3,2,1,0,0,39,29,1,1,30,4,0,1,16,9,2,4,29,12,56,19,45,40,10,55,1,0,1,1,19,18,0,8,41,283,95,3,0.04864454551318734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312045455351525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890102547210569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824231796977964,0.10204019179451937,0.09968417084938604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045703151790158325,0.037404652851042636,0.08123232723897585,0.029653263442491244,0.0,0.0,0.05480574490533223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959635613970528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031371707593162136,0.050150390449270464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978975357863108,0.0851383391767954,0.04978025908545775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190882753356574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800355273893322,0.040985127616904884,0.0,0.043718580888851166,0.0475836996683563,0.0,0.0,0.14757686289912791,0.17375836517130408,0.046706392176076895,0.0,0.0,0.08275405112687911,0.0,0.0,0.037582655195476086,0.0,0.025414767301065098,0.04666428059526441,0.0,0.0,0.038905486810698116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04301621094623295,0.0,0.043575958017336144,0.0,0.04992333764825053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050772267266074714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131161705528308,0.026733770049279282,0.03965179709425018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034359081086084625,0.19012214245472234,0.0,0.08590804979506378,0.08609778404918836,0.040849166789228286,0.0,0.0,0.04135585304990259,0.04390360153550955,0.046028645140482716,0.0,0.04931793408704839,0.1954799369572186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035759338065335704,0.0360693141252303,0.037517672340877266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046675753370550764,0.0553821374806406,0.0,0.0,0.06592560594093735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046436722937392726,0.033724002939359315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459848188165938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486577094180493,0.0,0.0,0.05001469452517116,0.0,0.0,0.7163622359272481,0.04154217607898091,0.0,0.0,0.048701676168277516,0.0,0.0,0.04428416727384636,0.050746869951426604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041216365555806884,0.26214263385465186,0.0,0.0544535861144139,0.06886171937267142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03657464433753232,0.0,0.12755243062097968,0.044785361907738575,0.0,0.0,0.06463454908353175,0.031169460584190917,0.0,0.038618335489009205,0.08509507703343629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013684451731213,0.0,0.11583532803344967,0.07803944043385166,0.0,0.0874745767828354,0.0,0.0,0.0543098978686033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957294769772568,0.06911137890474921,0.15955552250994995,0.0,0.031325492436420216
bpd,novaleiz,2019/09/19,"Just changed my major...... again Probably the hundredth time I’ve switched majors and decided to change my life path. I’m just so sick and tired of not knowing what I want but really hoping I can just follow through with this. What’s it like to not think about totally changing the course of your life every few days/weeks/months???


I’m in my third year but only have as many credits as someone who just finished first year due to dropping courses/failing/switching majors/considering dropping out of school. 

Anyways. Please wish me luck! Really hoping I just follow through and get this degree. And if anyone has any advice on how to deal with extreme indecision and not knowing what you want/will want in the future, feel free to let me know.",5.015807717462394,6.984601856115109,4.788541530412033,83.2378678875082,70.00719424460432,7.068933943754089,29.18312622629169,7.686295010490155,1.8882316546762588,594,23,105,7,11,182,94,139,0.061,0.7390000000000001,0.2,0.9781,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,1,10,7,0,1,3,0,4,4,0,1,1,34,19,12,0,6,11,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,2,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,10,7,19,18,4,16,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,9,67,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237816946717514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604135057739468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090335867454684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948766102156753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607624461853472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138221485189067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884557251195018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263848568000433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146975774163756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097578731939878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570938868298218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945440817948914,0.22028342649364208,0.076182110501058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809391818517635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446606796183028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859582161229815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711701318237059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812462635446127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979229099721352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578148475884163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321234728236775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991704321546684,0.0,0.0,0.09092712685234124,0.1792246872051109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27592403850465097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931789822210542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008344400482235
bpd,Amybear10,2019/09/19,"Reckless Impulsions I just wanna fuck things up so bad. I was walking round town today, adamant I was gonna steal something from a shop (I DIDNT) I wanted to cry but I didn’t and yeah just that little voice at the back of my head is getting louder and louder",-0.3564989517819725,1.8068202264150983,1.401006289308178,95.5068343815514,101.45283018867926,3.110272536687632,17.20964360587002,5.033348758259628,-0.5866041928721173,204,6,41,1,9,66,44,53,0.20800000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.053,-0.7348,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,5,2,1,0,0,7,9,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,4,2,7,0,6,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725281360209082,0.2959270176258492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893152034810531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32765682098828763,0.1851705237727218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637385489821729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552232960060871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728508656798153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23546179207215664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359499922298286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090468911315553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_janerose_,2019/09/19,"Stupid fuckers I just want to say people are stupid and piss me off

How’s you day stupid fuckers 
I’m sorry 
You’re not stupid 
I am 
No
You are
People are stupid
So I guess I’m included 


Fuck",-2.8585714285714268,-3.2548447142857126,-0.4583333333333322,104.5825,139.0,2.3523809523809525,10.642857142857142,4.7782277997778095,-1.7055142857142849,150,3,36,1,12,49,27,42,0.552,0.39299999999999996,0.055,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,3,9,9,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,6,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,9,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,4,1,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25027542885608445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358767877858798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275069270573372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380828744069814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086117785456749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43441672969395984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288959200606057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jayhow90,2018/11/23,"Acting out/being impulsive and the shame that comes afterwards I have left my phone off for 2 days after I got really drunk, punched a bouncer and got banned from a club then got home and cried and my Discord channel heard me. You know when you just want to hide and pretend nothing is wrong? This is some of my worst work ever",3.91,5.442655384615384,4.003076923076922,89.51692307692308,72.07692307692308,7.046153846153848,25.30769230769231,7.554174236665415,1.1216769230769237,260,8,53,3,5,80,53,65,0.287,0.6609999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9472,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,10,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,1,1,1,4,0,2,0,3,0,0,4,1,8,0,6,6,2,10,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236651794402331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852129443846609,0.16745254166182738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486797041001725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6229966250669207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604497658977624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426966552477491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28211010056033964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491408385300301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663382122060652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531480887491008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902803500639015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838861278763114,0.0,0.0
bpd,ameltingclock,2018/11/23,"Anyone else have multiple diagnoses on top of BPD? I'm guessing the answer is a resounding yes to this, but I'm feeling alone after just receiving a fun, brand new BPD diagnosis after having psychs debate about my Bipolar II for 13 years, on top of my definite GAD and very symptomatic PTSD. 

I'm spiraling from this  - the diagnosis came from a new psychiatrist after my old psychiatrist just gave me new meds to manage my other 3 disorders. I'm also wondering how I never saw this myself nor has any other psych after inpatient, PHP, IoP and years of counseling. The psych said if I could see identifying as BPD this could be the ""missing puzzle piece"" toward helping me live my best life or something along those lines, since my relapse prevention plans always seem to go south after about 6 months. She feels adding DBT could address the consistent patterns keeping me from longer periods of stability.

I guess I'm just wondering from my little isolation cave as I process all of this -- anyone have/having a similar experience? Has DBT actually been helpful on top of meds for other illnesses and therapy (CBT/art therapy/etc)? 

Even an upvote would bring me some comfort and make me feel a little less alone right now. I feel like my friends and family are exhausted from my ""girl who cried crisis"" antics and I could use a sense of community. <3",8.657735732009925,8.301470766129036,8.836290322580648,65.68885856079406,61.096774193548384,12.630769230769232,36.81885856079404,11.95083700844419,4.674338957816378,1082,44,179,31,13,357,155,248,0.10099999999999999,0.753,0.146,0.888,0,3,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,5,9,7,0,0,12,1,13,5,0,3,2,38,38,14,0,6,6,0,4,1,1,1,5,1,1,1,10,8,0,2,8,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,5,7,22,5,31,27,5,30,0,1,2,0,9,11,0,9,16,111,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.10030467536770897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291137252248493,0.0,0.08219822734561501,0.08552649845457924,0.0,0.0,0.06989826002986667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374124729317495,0.10531678842389952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786795966389613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883675251752519,0.0,0.0,0.1175602309604886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282662281088937,0.0,0.11290600700209015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432600748862683,0.0,0.0,0.11780209130829875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586482746431134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463397902537427,0.0678894316113662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005447983907171,0.0968978470611226,0.0,0.2078875193360218,0.07343060718949286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794124987328357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841586590531023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264615616867359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779108169756088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913612532863632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260105676457196,0.05021623112523938,0.2060379023863152,0.0907622526935256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686107037904944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283449832848802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204310427884799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927518935882677,0.2978151658591542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785701054989193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015177248553173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777900305533533,0.09777338093646457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190743347058352,0.09357285586203937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502595197244843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912997354204497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754517829706178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877442649760812,0.0,0.08480952444133708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293487929666544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301649206465015,0.0,0.0,0.13238211166687966
bpd,whiskeyandrain,2018/11/23,"Did you suspect you had BPD before your diagnosis? Why? Hey everyone. Just curious about all of your experiences before and leading up to your diagnosis. Did you expect it? Do you feel like you knew beforehand? Why or why not?

Hope you're all doing well.",1.650265957446809,4.3088090000000046,3.7735904255319177,78.47187500000003,97.29787234042551,7.456382978723402,22.89627659574468,8.07648339933343,2.350065957446809,201,8,35,6,8,68,34,47,0.086,0.767,0.147,0.503,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,8,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,12,8,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,8,3,4,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,1,25,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192196680514928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31024570962581594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353801593555936,0.0,0.2409593256684098,0.0,0.0,0.12455253100072645,0.17597916426311802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24466260992566025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034505397808667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148146509863065,0.0,0.6668271816628639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fluffyjellybeana,2018/11/23,"Have you ever wished you could be brainwashed? I remember being like 15 asking my doctor if I could get a lobodomy. I think I was joking but also, not really... my brain was on fire. I didnt want to think anymore, I didnt want to have consciousness. The last time I was hospitalized, about 2 years ago now (woooooo longest time i've ever spent not in treatment/hospitals & i promise i will never go back) I was so fucking hopeless, I couldnt go on anymore. I remember WISHING I could join a cult and be brainwashed. I even googled local cults in the area and realized I could never believe something so crazy... but I wanted to. I was so tired of my brain. I wished someone else could just tell me what to think. It's weird because now I'm in a much healthier place & the idea of someone else controlling my thoughts/having power over me, totally freaks me out. But I remember so badly wishing I could just flip it off and believe in something like a crazy cult leader instead of my emptiness and misery. ",4.120118443316412,5.644843177664974,4.925908629441626,83.13816920473776,71.53807106598985,7.4868358714043985,30.39221658206429,8.021203637495839,2.1665786125211497,794,34,149,11,15,257,106,197,0.185,0.7240000000000001,0.091,-0.9678,1,0,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,0,2,15,9,1,0,7,0,20,5,2,1,5,42,37,13,0,15,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,9,1,1,2,7,5,0,0,8,1,30,4,17,18,2,26,0,1,0,1,4,12,1,1,14,105,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347157359130485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530370085598698,0.0,0.2040554339815102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867727154699631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880315453956162,0.0,0.0,0.07240705751926002,0.07862382541336597,0.0574020980829497,0.0,0.0,0.21218337406041007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023852085267936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561403260090056,0.4510984477566234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638184761651199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732551638215767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219508150522216,0.1703552317526602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870540070844527,0.049197315776064864,0.0,0.107032256860746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063008011427533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675702711047537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200850599539984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922209540237059,0.0,0.14525167604109598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838236259016922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603244977172052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200116994986101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957136474004033,0.14498560489139795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230434341483497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810113517977144,0.0,0.0,0.10981671472624713,0.10822879281485707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662283562410327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331403213992596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063916009849558
bpd,wortgewand404,2018/11/23,Social anxiety in bpd? Anyone here with social anxiety and bpd? How do you experience it? Are there some situations which trigger you? But in others you‘re perfectly fine and overly confident? ,4.731249999999998,8.240457125000006,6.081,62.864,87.125,10.06,28.275,9.3871,4.6166425,156,7,20,6,5,52,26,32,0.084,0.6659999999999999,0.25,0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879733945540332,0.0,0.0,0.1773078359011101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6387459570102434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480482248412761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28503262174113003,0.0,0.5169822642468728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yourfaveace,2018/11/23,"I don't have anyone to talk to about this Hi, so I'm extremely new to this subreddit but I feel like this is the only place I can speak and have people actually hear me.

Lately things with my friend group has not been going great, but I can't even properly explain why - it's like there's too many things happening in my head at once and they seem very serious and completely mundane at the same time.

If I see someone I used to be super close with be super close with someone else, my feelings explode. I logically know that people are allowed to have more friends - but at the same time I can't help feeling angry and jealous and betrayed and insecure and like I don't matter and like I'm completely unlovable and no one could ever be with me when there are better people all around.

I hear someone vent about what they're feeling, or cry, or manifest themselves in some way, and others go comfort them. And I can't help but hate them and feel like no one cares about my struggles, I can't help but feel annoyed that that person is just crying over something that is obviously minimal, etc.

I feel jealous when people aren't paying attention to me when I want them to, even if it's for a very small period of time. It makes me feel like they don't care about me, like having me in their life is a burden that they'd be better without.

I used to be a very empathetic and pacient person when it came to interpersonal relationships and struggling friends, but lately it's like my immediate response to most things is annoyance, jealousy, anger and depressive thoughts. This is seriously upsetting me because I know its damaging for me and for people around me but I don't know how to stop or how to work around this.",7.615266189561878,6.5924667982195855,7.652749170884974,75.50402862628731,63.51038575667656,10.778076453133183,34.95706056903474,9.916854025145753,3.2186929307034378,1369,51,264,24,17,443,159,337,0.23800000000000002,0.58,0.182,-0.9695,1,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,7,5,21,35,6,4,6,0,31,2,1,6,3,74,61,35,0,4,15,0,8,8,3,0,1,3,0,2,21,26,0,1,16,0,1,3,13,16,0,2,3,12,38,19,35,51,7,31,0,2,1,0,23,14,0,8,21,184,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.07850301718974978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056249230485844716,0.0,0.0,0.21484014116601466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903871368821997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422946769493221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200800259898176,0.16403870780906318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869075186024526,0.0,0.0,0.06422903332665307,0.0,0.17673078898901454,0.0,0.0,0.06928742674733762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720173313671622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971778427045732,0.10626673576783544,0.07276738755382249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32540452265346703,0.17241043442845208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645553849561824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143784591311276,0.0,0.0,0.08869123714801665,0.0,0.0,0.07113752105684495,0.0,0.0,0.0794230879745975,0.08256009548631364,0.0,0.1813354196162485,0.0,0.16176238468611032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263191396749455,0.0,0.18149162496231255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682090078343442,0.3144121161473357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369786841262208,0.0815589169158269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769458069992707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567162861348981,0.10902364661244976,0.061182282484213826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788532411906755,0.14048348176331346,0.08404822597352063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636815602872537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410449596828567,0.07323438798144465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448314773314066,0.06193072905548137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725588041028306,0.0,0.16819780699142886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064658892144473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033286621326906,0.0,0.0,0.06386458950239726,0.1407249197719037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895783628836614,0.0,0.19912741446993795,0.04744872750285287,0.06385374184789505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258937888761685,0.0,0.0,0.0775464071597673,0.0,0.05856514303689345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderfreakonaline,2018/11/23,"DAE always look forward to the end of the day when they don’t have to put in effort? Even if it’s a good day? I enjoy the little things, I do, like big snowflakes, pretty lights and good coffee. These are the things that get me out of bed every morning, and most mornings I do get out of bed. However, no matter how much I enjoy the day or look forward to the events of the day, I’m mostly looking forward to coming home, being alone, and smoking weed to calm my thoughts. This causes me to be hugely antisocial, but I’d just rather be alone than putting in effort with others.",6.435384615384617,5.296711128205132,6.638931623931622,82.19634615384619,65.92307692307692,8.483760683760684,29.756410256410252,6.42735559955562,1.4751435897435892,450,12,92,2,6,145,77,117,0.048,0.826,0.127,0.7413,1,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,8,0,8,0,0,2,0,18,16,8,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,4,8,6,16,12,3,20,0,0,3,0,1,10,0,4,11,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458049342664055,0.0,0.0,0.13890984227720496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149631515916589,0.0,0.14380650132831782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306573641044835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786183253316287,0.0,0.0,0.1102641918917358,0.0,0.14065656909626814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444151968302685,0.0,0.0,0.28004751947060497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745731141196718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155985421368774,0.16732061431702858,0.0,0.0,0.420569898285068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272221895800807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984091696331918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356473907897595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218188510757277,0.0,0.0,0.1325339919608355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,advicethrowaway90909,2018/11/23,"Going through the symptoms and having trouble accepting that... ...I'm 99% sure I am BPD. I am a male in college. I had a bad falling out with my friends a year ago after a traumatizing accident that may have been a catalyst for the complete blow-up of the symptoms I have been learning about recently.

​

The kicker for me was reading about the concept of FPs while browsing this subreddit for the first time a while back. It was an absolute kick in the face to realize that I had one or two FPs in each level of schooling, including college, until now.   

​

I'm in the beginner stages of accepting this inevitable diagnosis, and it's really been a struggle. I absolutely hate being plagued by a disorder that is opposite of what masculine is. I don't know if it is a common or easy thing for male BPs to find FPs; I'd built a great friendship with my last one until a fallout, and the other ones have been very tolerant of my parasitic style of relationship. All of my FPs have been male.

​

I have my first therapist apt. in the coming days, and it's really a struggle to come to accept this. ",6.226905187835424,6.613305279069767,7.050697674418602,73.96939177101967,65.97674418604653,10.70840787119857,36.53846153846154,10.560738912317856,4.015533094812165,885,43,161,22,13,295,119,215,0.11800000000000001,0.767,0.115,-0.1423,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,1,2,23,0,23,3,1,0,2,23,30,11,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,14,10,0,0,7,1,0,4,1,5,0,6,9,0,14,6,31,19,2,29,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,17,124,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030980572209143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678275140608087,0.4125065645177741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701330956365086,0.09448414966941428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425214755211701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495521050090556,0.11864645408132345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297905197021666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969154306989586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034264924558383,0.1925082394702296,0.0,0.0,0.08742739101926343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431162388447423,0.0,0.0,0.12475966441142908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172239920042402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218995851572389,0.09224077306791227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004110668080194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319095378619125,0.0,0.144986811340668,0.0,0.11173217509205992,0.12149184641538947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145242963071939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365994953928573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665227276389368,0.23523382443832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138786611523776,0.0751786956867261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598469901360335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054120054148568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336912417824116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125065645177741,0.0728715430526461
bpd,Akishmekrin,2018/11/23,"DAE remember if I took my meds today? Cuz I sure as hell don't.  
Ugh sorry for the shit post but fucking fucked fuck. I wish I could remember if I took them. ",-1.406470588235294,0.6005407058823522,1.2914117647058845,97.9153529411765,97.8235294117647,5.072941176470589,15.623529411764707,6.742157984588678,-0.2445105882352938,120,3,29,2,5,41,27,34,0.3720000000000001,0.44299999999999995,0.185,-0.9088,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,9,8,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,0,7,1,2,5,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,5,2,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668198777089692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442632510540342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179788404350813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794405326182267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446042271857848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201437946175356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196750565914672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849542505738923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601294937294569,0.0,0.4360606005722069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256667703404817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CVaeh1356,2018/11/23,A Pattern of suicidal thoughts Ive had a on and off pattern for 7 year. Starting in elementary school now to high-school. I always thought it was normal becuase i would say to myself well... “ who hasnt wished they were dead at least once” and now year later these thoughts still hit me. They stay for a while drive me crazy then all of a sudden im fine. Is this normal for someone with bpd? Not looking for a diagnosis just advice. Which will be taken with a grain of salt. 😊,1.1358238636363645,3.5321610104166723,2.3178030303030326,93.9893181818182,84.72916666666666,4.74090909090909,21.227272727272727,6.1124844417494595,0.11919999999999975,371,12,79,3,11,118,72,96,0.12300000000000001,0.857,0.02,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,1,14,17,4,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,3,8,2,15,6,2,16,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,10,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816895766307742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171162652238734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22963592179992576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926397006280404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969456893026112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310972519824367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572857494743483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417352884303485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499466272735606,0.0,0.3690516429867284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448604953146874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905280276865444,0.1943375480075286,0.14560749584300728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943740267414006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342445537392185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393490327670915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966837394282165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295206862697646,0.0,0.0,0.2348267010383528
bpd,babystrippervic,2018/11/23,"Is this normal??? I’m not sure if this is a normal bpd thing I’m experiencing or not. I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now, but recently I’ve had eyes for someone else and it only seems to be getting bigger. I love my current partner and he’s so good to me so I feel bad having a wandering mind (physical and emotional attraction to someone else). Idk if it’s a typical bpd thing or not. Any experiences or advice is appreciated.",2.3023333333333333,4.173976066666668,5.448611111111113,76.03625000000005,77.22222222222223,8.944444444444445,27.91666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.810666666666666,346,15,69,10,8,127,58,90,0.083,0.6970000000000001,0.22,0.9481,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,7,2,1,0,1,18,13,11,0,4,9,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,4,4,7,10,0,7,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,6,4,44,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884475270436428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445968596923145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281382189781484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610138621791732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057789838386286,0.20587255180737732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902840540238565,0.0,0.0,0.0925402698236992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562025011283758,0.0,0.0,0.15350825826280926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651824433389106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847977446705736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35864093469282954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919474464215434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070989435279486,0.1964946866232732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661427982409524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101440305552773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724939206434396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24318033984276424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785869947952553
bpd,WhosBoo22,2018/11/23,"Should I be mad? My boyfriend had their family thanksgiving at the same time as my family's thanksgiving, and I was fine with it. But he had a second family thanksgiving the night before when neither of us were busy and didn't invite me. Should I be mad? I feel like I would be irrational and petty to be upset about it. But I've had problems with him before so I'm not sure...?",3.092640692640696,4.496757246753248,4.5864285714285735,85.0377380952381,73.93506493506493,8.769696969696971,21.924242424242426,9.2995712137729,1.5759281385281383,296,7,62,7,6,99,52,77,0.223,0.723,0.054000000000000006,-0.9115,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,3,7,2,1,3,0,13,0,0,0,1,15,15,8,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,1,11,3,7,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.414280503892072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6884499298548605,0.0,0.12308507743409565,0.17390581215878292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189271720830533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284417390305179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23292879227552676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294290649871352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194547763330634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928152590451778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292506271560915,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,afterschoolish,2018/11/23,"What's your relationship with your family like? Specifically your parents.

I see there's a common trend for pwBPD where they were abused or neglected as children. I'm wondering how everyone is doing with their family now? I love my mother more than anyone, but sometimes I am so bitter and angry about the things she did to me as a child and how it manifested into BPD.

Also, if you're a parent: Is there hope for pwBPD to be good parents who do not change their child in a negative way psychologically? I want to be a mom one day but if I end up doing to someone else what my mom did with me....yikes....",4.674499999999998,5.4521221166666685,6.091666666666669,78.10500000000003,69.5,9.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,9.516144504307137,2.0618333333333334,474,13,95,10,8,161,83,120,0.154,0.741,0.105,-0.8485,3,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,3,3,0,9,6,1,0,6,0,11,1,0,2,0,18,17,13,0,4,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,2,15,4,16,12,1,9,0,1,1,1,19,4,0,5,5,72,20,0,0.0,0.19356424863687816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064525145289976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423063491266452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575615241808048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282157750874033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535878109317258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647291842277476,0.0,0.14469547017537848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561050304385308,0.0,0.0,0.3080174354932804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702524446989844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226118749421245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981330442552192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744590901356738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826690224963394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070231775142374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442021625119039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753959870060828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018306582978756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842109241758138,0.0,0.16157503145279306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853437428812487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635862076038312,0.1296738357099836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716551988933166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redditbyerin,2018/11/23,"DAE Feel like a square in a circle hole? Does anyone else feel like a square being pushed into a circle hole? And no matter how much you shave down your pointy square sides, you can never slip into that circle hole? 

How is it so easy for everyone else to fall into life so easily and be able to function? How do I become a circle? How do I fit into life? 

I’m just sad ",1.5031168831168813,3.272528142857148,3.2584415584415574,91.29337662337663,79.25974025974024,5.43896103896104,13.597402597402596,6.1826913282559595,-0.7868389610389612,285,2,61,2,7,95,49,77,0.064,0.737,0.198,0.8784,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,4,1,15,9,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,2,9,7,1,11,0,1,3,0,3,8,0,0,3,39,7,0,0.2550021255680912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830341529195087,0.2612798124015264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816298131904469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22315407851363628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260431095081434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436654588563272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578734732876091,0.3643471389153566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36023108519506,0.2491623157953572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745590321316732,0.0,0.19667335962050034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AndyH13,2018/11/23,"How could friends react constructively when you need space? Hey,

I have a friend diagnosed with BPD and I'm curious about how I should act when I feel like they're expressing (sometimes nonverbally) a need for space. I don't want to be overbearing, but I also want to maintain a relationship with them.

I feel like asking them might put them on the spot, so I want to ask about your experiences. Of course none of us speak for other people, but I'd like to consider relevant perspectives.

What do you want when you push someone away? I assume you legitimately want to be left alone for a bit?

If this is correct, is there a way friends can know when you want their company again? I've seen people here expressing pain about relationships they've severed, and I don't want my friend to feel that way. 

Any other tips for people who want to maintain relationships with you?

I would also appreciate if you could point me to a good FAQ or information source. I read *I hate you, don't leave me* and it was helpful but also left a bit to be desired. ",4.586353135313535,6.074580044554462,5.259029702970299,81.34356105610563,70.33663366336634,8.95102310231023,27.32805280528053,9.3871,2.227666270627063,827,28,165,18,15,267,110,202,0.11900000000000001,0.7020000000000001,0.179,0.9497,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,9,4,0,17,10,1,0,8,0,17,2,0,3,1,38,36,19,0,17,6,0,3,3,4,3,2,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,5,29,8,23,26,3,17,0,0,1,0,30,7,0,5,8,107,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427897191390444,0.0,0.2415525259884623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846904050384152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825318379898695,0.0,0.09459657876682433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984320450536585,0.0,0.126808839973217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160777061251792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021928389818388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848894479666664,0.0,0.0,0.1527276105540316,0.14385832253137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31115496093473577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444953938955654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940528464095234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674868240624818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533367142406559,0.0,0.0,0.10661054693108828,0.21878841634674087,0.0,0.0,0.14756835841386426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681054295917733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931284084645652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071356068909942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094062559426824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951795743810996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121592079474538,0.0,0.0,0.1007119347635216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242930243418229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374503874738193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530980945654831,0.0,0.09957973098919733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211112827539284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750915013307603,0.1598376377863836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152351361087937,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GurlParadox,2018/11/23,"Examples of your BPD symptoms? My psychiatrist is tentatively diagnosing me with BPD, a lot of the symptoms I experience. If possible, I'd like some examples of ""A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)"" **plus** ""distrusting others and questioning others' intentions"". I feel like I may experience this, but I would like to know more.",7.303815789473685,11.025565697368428,8.143947368421056,53.59513157894736,69.65789473684211,12.221052631578946,42.39473684210526,11.20814326018867,6.9882684210526325,387,25,48,16,8,129,55,76,0.111,0.706,0.183,0.705,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,1,9,2,0,3,0,3,5,0,1,0,21,7,8,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,7,10,5,3,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,7,3,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689754120126806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896919479894192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642403279965841,0.17551431879426144,0.0,0.09413840825347436,0.13300732049684327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384252118678945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231988306081943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27287502867226665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828392479423398,0.3360701739247029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616066267788195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989043561724907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856466606742052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988808185042714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870254617132887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225721988838168,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UprightLeffTown,2018/11/23,"DAE get insomnia or just trouble sleeping? How do you deal with it? I've had very poor sleep for a long time, but especially the last couple of days because I'm sick. I feel so hopeless. ",1.4163157894736818,3.6757519473684224,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,82.15789473684211,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.1120842105263158,146,6,31,2,4,48,36,38,0.307,0.693,0.0,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,4,2,1,0,6,5,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202666328792767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34855164970805785,0.0,0.20315485148684076,0.32476061730057953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592780988843427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457928728577928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567745133396732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787731984291376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6304733220752295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368437745646807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599155517069217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,atemyvegetables,2018/11/23,"Made the mistake of consuming alcohol After months and months of dropping off the face of the earth and being sober, fully aware of the shitstorm that would happen if I drank alcohol, I decided (???) to drink last night and I spent the entire day today on the floor marinating in self pity. To make matters worse, I had also caved and stalked a bunch of people on their socials to fuel my anxiety. 

I feel like this is a common feeling with BPD, it's like we constantly torture ourselves in ways we know will strike a nerve. I saw a new therapist for the first time recently and I felt so overwhelmed that she had gotten too far into my head that I wanted to take control of the meeting and derail it. It's been years and I don't see myself getting better but if I give up and die right now, that'd be so embarrassing.

I see a lot of you struggling as well, and I see a lot of your bad moments, going back on your progress and doing things that only solidify the mindset that we so desperately want to get away from. I wish I could help. I really wish this disorder didn't even have to be a thing.",5.531981032665964,5.586396557077631,6.336164383561645,79.64026343519495,67.44748858447488,9.295539164032316,30.54478398314015,9.057496981413335,2.402087881981033,862,30,171,14,13,285,141,219,0.17,0.7120000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.945,0,0,3,0,0,0,20.0,3,3,1,4,9,11,1,3,16,0,15,6,2,3,0,36,38,18,1,9,3,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,15,4,1,5,1,1,1,2,7,1,1,10,7,26,4,28,21,3,32,0,2,4,0,13,12,0,4,19,123,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692530660995191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074034325107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636879037852757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835552258892895,0.09686525025164544,0.1051819640976512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141263884042778,0.0,0.0,0.15865823816864666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613176388002535,0.1412891235809498,0.10057897099890484,0.0,0.0,0.08124198663023789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073980077601413,0.0,0.14437565744810427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340531289474906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320379726551272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739119036878788,0.08999494042980269,0.12095357185920445,0.0,0.0,0.10715233615006216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316310997195304,0.12084451727633908,0.07159320307317267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139726532893823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928435972800054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443686266361451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923131558808722,0.10268458482311373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308782132396072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419501317133188,0.0,0.11919843897582813,0.0840877726169191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110045565052906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166524349273185,0.0,0.11821686946817607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580793446369634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733362657360441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070135381661636,0.0,0.12438286919239605,0.0,0.0,0.10758001946745074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011518579815559,0.0,0.13141702656373194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284133297590973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169404454083702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471581224743916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626404391586045,0.16738136286978114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345570941715153,0.0,0.1194074143848549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860395494895295,0.0999912861342398,0.0,0.0,0.1132646091446072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897248352845798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283769696667049,0.08948741002228303,0.0,0.0,0.08112230519004239
bpd,kinky_kam,2018/11/23,"How can I love my boyfriend and still feel the urge to cheat on him ????? I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and he makes me so happy. He is mature, he has his life together, he’s sweet and caring, he treats me with respects, is pretty much the perfect boyfriend but for some reason I still feel the need to cheat.

And no I don’t mean to go out with that intention but I meet people and have a connection and end up questioning my entire relationship. 

And it’s so hard because I do love him so much and I can’t picture my life without him but the thoughts don’t leave my head ever. And I recently just acted on it by kissing an old crush. I haven’t told him and probably never will but for some reason I want to continue with my old crush at the same time. I cannot decide what my mind wants and I feel that regardless  if I stay with him or leave him I’m making the wrong decision",3.967495543672016,4.279241395721929,4.874665775401073,87.86925356506241,70.87165775401071,8.372370766488414,26.27852049910873,8.344100000000001,1.407057397504457,699,20,157,10,12,228,103,187,0.11699999999999999,0.727,0.156,0.8618,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,2,0,8,0,14,6,1,6,3,49,30,21,0,5,8,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,16,0,0,10,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,3,5,29,9,18,26,5,21,0,0,0,3,18,5,0,5,13,107,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863346502842466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443984089980037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543969645534447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128109945878671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214832962199118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049002365604227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076482933469956,0.12687018761101534,0.0,0.1453504065494509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29992559322822704,0.0,0.0,0.20007101447084272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556482251700988,0.0,0.18907456341078013,0.0,0.0,0.1542735825872296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430031378805151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082246328303308,0.10501480307668884,0.1092316576659553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297227925875584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818649490640632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408581785159347,0.15269811754648407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865492046097682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912327791022592,0.1398398123557891,0.1520546520417084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095579254146416,0.22620739183256136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243620775397574,0.08258398192653853,0.0,0.0,0.13533089605104767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707082985234847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365236042997302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548471526979593,0.0,0.09120329840677198
bpd,yetmorenames,2018/11/23,"No support network Anyone else with little to no outside support? I had a girlfriend until about 3 and a half years ago, who was everything to me and after pushing her away I have been left with essentially noone. No family contact in 6+ years (I'm 31) and I'm not close to any of the people I spend my time with in real life. I smoked a lot of weed to cope with the lonliness and emptiness, but it recently started putting me into ventricular tachycardia when I consume it to excess, so now I have to be extremely careful and the lonliness is getting to me pretty badly. Anyone in a similar situation or been in a similar situation with any advice? It'd be appreciated. Thanks for reading.",7.438368869936035,6.743429126865674,8.87123667377399,65.55574626865672,63.70149253731344,11.836247334754797,39.29211087420042,11.20814326018867,4.642402132196162,549,27,95,14,7,193,86,134,0.079,0.782,0.139,0.8817,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,8,0,10,1,0,0,0,17,18,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,4,0,11,4,24,11,1,22,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,11,72,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603400120509906,0.1506148867183089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310891355516673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760992452390806,0.17409278561124156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963595701435415,0.0,0.1418676807984338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323448092023075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193793053319456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527040745799084,0.0,0.16017594504215582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877091713566013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846076183857503,0.0,0.1200123968800777,0.0,0.1702943704642572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445133259251147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779414050693128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728594659504371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708063927024903,0.0,0.0,0.16995589373661765,0.1933946798056965,0.0,0.0,0.16776554169493998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819717238923082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026311143903945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856235130884677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643022041896867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907583705833907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188328274161037
bpd,zedthehead,2018/11/23,"Our connotative labels are wrong: Pleasure should be 'down' and pain should be 'up' I mean digging is easy for a few feet but the further you go the harder it gets, and you can break out bigger and bigger machines but it is *finite,* eventually you reach a point that will literally just melt all your attempts. Meanwhile, going away from this ball of rock can be really difficult and involve much combustion but it stretches on for fucking infinity.",3.88703703703704,6.89921004938272,4.527407407407406,78.63333333333334,78.1358024691358,7.05679012345679,27.51851851851852,8.167268648758528,2.322022222222222,358,15,59,7,9,114,63,81,0.092,0.8440000000000001,0.064,-0.5329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,4,0,1,1,5,1,0,4,0,11,3,1,0,1,13,16,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,9,10,3,13,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,0,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192486626322844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141350756836425,0.17752890455408213,0.0,0.38622674860817857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701364559999609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497884808117873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615659220039705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212161816758288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768142892708195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37151257759182815,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaylaglass420,2018/11/23,No thanks I had work on thanks giving and found I was so happy until people were around and I was at work I feel like I hate everyone even my kid sometimes and I do everything to keep from being mean to my kid but it gets me more depressed being a bad mom. I spent the shift crying until my tables arrived and then pulled it together a little I still had moments it was hard to pretend hard to say happy anything when I was dying inside I probably disassociated hard enough to just mechanically reply. days like this think of all the ways to die right then and who might find me. ,5.5739039408867015,5.781095577586207,6.436650246305419,78.43051724137933,67.36206896551724,8.697536945812809,26.91625615763547,8.418075326091056,1.7012600985221682,461,12,90,6,7,153,77,116,0.218,0.635,0.147,-0.8690000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,0,1,16,22,12,2,0,2,1,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,5,6,0,1,5,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,9,5,15,6,13,10,3,15,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,10,65,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081376691099273,0.1306938060641122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258188776427754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126608837851758,0.0946815946278488,0.0,0.12644896058321514,0.0,0.30473535501144444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169604145205162,0.0,0.09696794146659732,0.0,0.0,0.14028515761090898,0.13194515922127384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423255847098784,0.10488252222478954,0.0,0.0,0.13418350839197501,0.0,0.0,0.16097178039425886,0.0,0.0,0.07670321062424534,0.14083544817573235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31256820818539743,0.394544145893116,0.14494645554264307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049325131636286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344985500247126,0.14714419302305487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599213075503873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574433162620682,0.0,0.17194444017244534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178095553296447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828816709243826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253766459408826,0.0,0.1167507951027957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520082209822205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724425294580708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703295298043797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940712016723094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165325321642939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376176922913528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JupiterisOverNow,2018/11/23,"I finally cut him off I posted earlier in the week about how I was going home for break from college and finally ending things with the “ex” , here’s an update:


•he never reached out
•when he finally did it was because I texted him (respectfully asking for my things) and he said “when do you want to get your stuff” and thats it.


How. How do you suddenly just stop loving someone you were with for 3 years. My heart is in pain and earlier I was ready for this but I’m almost numbed by the pure shock. ",2.2454901960784355,4.070336882352944,3.6378431372549014,89.16696078431373,77.23529411764707,7.2784313725490195,22.117647058823533,8.167268648758528,1.0536588235294122,390,11,84,7,9,128,72,102,0.11599999999999999,0.831,0.053,-0.6607,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,0,7,6,1,0,4,0,8,4,1,3,2,17,15,9,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,7,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,6,1,13,2,14,9,0,18,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,11,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234860151655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957655221629856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709519374439188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013314481863887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6312697552024576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035816485623332,0.0,0.10916815998517716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276254611575241,0.0,0.0,0.1926801428421516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733671148151096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481502742561059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439540534547895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183967413106542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827198814388088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275572230209226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059434994893745,0.0,0.0,0.21989505093462325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552297510928435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329860679453492,0.0,0.15408158051520826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369851342314668
bpd,bitteryetbroken,2018/11/23,"I need advice. I don't feel comfortable posting anywhere else because I'm afraid no one will understand. Hi, 17 year old kid here

Throughout my life, I've moved a lot. I don't recall being in one place ever for more than 2 or 3 years. I honestly can't remember a good portion of my childhood because it's all very blurry to me.

Basically, I don't feel comfortable with any family member. They seem like strangers to me. They speak a different language which I have difficulty conveying myself in, have a different culture, and seem completely different.

My dad has anger issues and frequently has black/white thinking in which he devalues me yet returns to completely acting normal (pretty sure he is BPD too but he doesn't believe in mental illness). I remember one time when he got violent and told me I was the reason that he wanted to kill himself, because I was such a failure (I was a 16 year old in HS).

My mom's a little better I guess but she also doesn't believe in the nonsense in my head. 

Honestly? I feel like I'm imprisoned. I don't like being around family because everything seems so weird/foreign to me that I begin to depersonalize/derealize like crazy and just disappear for an hour. It makes me uncomfortable and it makes me feel lonely.

I feel like I had no childhood and I feel like I have no one I can trust. My younger brother (who doesn't have BPD) thinks I'm crazy and also doesn't believe in mental illness, he just thinks I have a ""mental deficiency"" of some kind. He frequently tells me that he thinks I'm useless and I don't amount to anything. I feel like I don't have a family. 

I'm frequently tell them that I'd just rather spend time alone. They interpret this as a sign of disrespect and get angry at me. They're so different, it feels like they're strangers, I cannot stress this enough.

I leave for university in January and I can't wait. Can someone please answer, am I just being an ungrateful child? I've honestly have never felt so lonely and I feel like I don't have anyone I can trust.",3.253810714285713,5.2914089025000015,4.738142857142859,81.44800000000002,74.975,8.271428571428572,27.42857142857143,9.002800196639251,2.391207142857143,1611,64,307,37,35,538,188,400,0.195,0.66,0.145,-0.9620000000000001,4,5,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,4,1,17,28,3,2,14,0,37,4,1,3,4,58,70,21,1,4,8,3,10,9,0,1,3,1,0,2,13,13,0,1,23,0,1,3,18,8,0,4,7,11,52,20,27,59,7,36,0,3,0,0,26,13,0,7,28,186,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883495362963457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295650510778366,0.0,0.11266463265240205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790286873337977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049254574417983366,0.0,0.05796763468197332,0.06270817472898275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176277448463573,0.0,0.0,0.23809150435229956,0.0,0.062300085659367725,0.0,0.0,0.17743807042624934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771386416062968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943869322410757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884512085250335,0.0,0.0,0.07278525401887707,0.0,0.0,0.063718679784854,0.0,0.0,0.06330858629239275,0.0,0.19921890099979864,0.0,0.3205576108484556,0.3019419999045169,0.06763521595092661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036802955541287284,0.0,0.0,0.05908327574336816,0.056338776760952475,0.0,0.07759963165034875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229365329912889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693710258388956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352298263401348,0.0,0.0,0.07793346235400188,0.07335433950924364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458774064384932,0.0,0.0,0.04975515686101376,0.3097289366236877,0.07060123233321776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598871358190161,0.0,0.0,0.09404095426628677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296642866884813,0.0,0.0,0.08250063505474413,0.0,0.07486853107218379,0.0,0.05223173395335176,0.054329091855034366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901804983364015,0.0,0.0,0.14783372908391654,0.0,0.19093286322358427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359673306026893,0.07732399022815001,0.0,0.0,0.06746381358512027,0.0716646785404116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242594658514924,0.0,0.0,0.1595937524037166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238282452745428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596851449062937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069089305670919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639060329889837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313855110870425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054515448234068,0.0,0.0,0.08215041015970596,0.0,0.0,0.06731019962057239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333244273564403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581218976683801,0.04154842403428098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360867119249432
bpd,SkatinKate,2018/11/23,"Medication did it help you? Currently traveling so I'm on mobile and formatting may be off. 

I'm asking because my pyscologist encouraged me to see a psychiatrist. He referred me because of my explosive angry that has gotten me sent home from work on more than one occasion.I believe that he does not take me seriously. He stated ""I am not like other borderlines because I can hold down 2 jobs and I'm smart."" 
What the actual fuck is how I feel. He put me on lorazepam, Wellbutrin and abilify. I've been on these for 5 weeks and I see no difference. I still cycle through emotions, have anxiety, and feel like numb to the world and I'm still extremely irrtable like last night I got a 75 on a test so I threw my laptop, cried, got pissed at how I acted and debated killing myself.  I get that these pills won't help my wack thought process, but shouldn't they reduced my symptoms? Or at least make me less angry. 

I would really like to know other experiences with medication ",3.367553688141921,5.555075428571431,4.853818860877683,80.06487394957983,75.13756613756614,8.679863056333645,28.577964519140988,9.325443323948027,2.7700610644257697,772,33,146,20,17,258,123,189,0.153,0.8109999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9557,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,1,1,6,11,3,0,5,0,12,7,1,3,0,24,32,13,1,2,4,0,2,4,0,4,5,0,1,0,9,8,0,1,5,1,0,5,5,5,0,1,8,4,24,6,18,19,3,22,0,0,2,1,11,10,2,2,10,90,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.14772319504815815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115803836864726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151809470809792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768360654049452,0.0,0.0,0.17055128755731358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628174143762675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815790173933866,0.0,0.0,0.13247200081100427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702799944827987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807683499598054,0.0,0.0,0.15308263774531533,0.10814454928040408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994661986145826,0.0790888125625028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421418002828045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029311072777604,0.0,0.15184458308488782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021941232900632,0.0,0.16747744592272856,0.0,0.08319344826060597,0.12339336067901435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29582278504577986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104606132544733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049950323234709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205809798772365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025777224234846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217680759431804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697669105769226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412575032243067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417815022290753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733981393158447,0.11381749658711494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017730718463428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142638576700315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020506418181236,0.0,0.0,0.10753466335898246,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,robdurhamx,2018/11/23,"Why do I always feel this way...even though my life’s basically perfect compared to how it was 2/3 years ago. I just feel numb. The only time I don’t feel numb is when I have attention from my boyfriend. When he goes to sleep at night I just feel worthless. When I’m not at his house, sleeping at my parents house, I always feel close to just breaking down, but I’m unable too. I wish I didn’t feel this way. 

I’ve found it impossible to enjoy time on my own. I don’t know how to build friendships because the only friendships I have over the past 6 years have been my boyfriend and previous exes. Sure, I have acquaintances in college who I talk to, and colleagues in work, but I never see them outside them facilities.

I feel the only way I can get rid of this feeling is by talking to others, but I can’t do that at 1am when everyone’s asleep, and I can’t sleep because I feel the way I do.


I try to distract myself in other ways..but it just won’t work. I’ve always got this thought in my head that won’t go. I’ve tried a lot of hobbies, but maybe I haven’t tried enough

Any advice?",4.129372670807456,4.051421552173917,5.079751552795031,87.90434782608696,70.43478260869566,7.788819875776397,28.16770186335404,7.1686216300943375,1.253596273291925,847,27,192,7,14,278,116,230,0.039,0.856,0.105,0.9407,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,3,12,7,0,1,6,0,20,8,5,2,3,33,39,14,0,1,9,1,9,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,13,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,6,10,31,3,23,31,3,29,0,1,1,0,8,12,0,1,12,116,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332533271183723,0.09372979732206206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639458830363049,0.0,0.0,0.07190503644934619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891303680266214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092549670110962,0.0,0.0698385346424194,0.0,0.0,0.10103658684970254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811759149637732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593556686349715,0.0,0.0,0.05524341087730967,0.0,0.06009298322085091,0.0,0.08456783285893298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851704528309357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401345329007054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811049244074554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468543037676466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089894129470218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622739869770173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155117706706289,0.0,0.0,0.09922735746453328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412541002921836,0.0,0.0,0.11740883451346347,0.0,0.1009382826384827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425899280837851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31744119220274863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965621843384236,0.0,0.0,0.16997538303379536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038864276651067,0.08394365958753898,0.12331261974601222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536619722656736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357176056925313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541152864975777,0.0,0.12159275544373616,0.0,0.0,0.15395612714616996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618279711942866
bpd,RuPaulsDragHeist,2019/02/18,"I physically felt harsh criticism hours after the fact today and it got me thinking about BPD My friend was diagnosed, and the more I get to know her the more we have in common. Past issues, intense emotions, etc. Something about this, though.

I literally feel like I cannot function after the recent criticism I received. I tried to breath through it, but I could physically feel my body and my brain started shutting down. I feel like I can't talk right now and my body is so tense, but I can't do anything because I am at work.

Another thing that happened. I took a personality test for fun over the weekend and, after talking to so many people at once, it felt like I was losing who I was. Earlier today, I started feeling like I was separating from reality to a degree. I suddenly felt like such a different person. I think this is why I don't like talking to a lot of people and prefer to stick to myself. It felt like noise taking up my entire being.

I dunno, I guess what I want to hear from you all is how this condition manifests for you. I think I may be diagnosable, but I'm very, very hesitant to diagnose myself.",3.9313122171945736,5.469261045248867,5.551493212669683,78.41556561085974,72.03167420814479,8.457918552036201,28.83710407239819,9.007467420416297,2.4576950226244354,885,35,167,18,17,301,127,221,0.077,0.7759999999999999,0.147,0.9241,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,0,2,8,10,0,0,9,0,18,7,4,1,2,32,41,13,0,3,3,0,8,7,1,1,3,1,0,2,11,7,0,0,13,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,10,9,36,9,26,27,5,24,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,4,21,120,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423574683559336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180258053035991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059691010761089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208350767472966,0.12519824316472195,0.11096985279925707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936751733618358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30268466868501764,0.0,0.10385800138238632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181825067162267,0.0,0.0,0.11086384816404572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105042653860367,0.21304677082475654,0.3817809872607769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680074683524514,0.0,0.05193547659721282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795039740409311,0.0,0.10950679895824628,0.0,0.08790430344822492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120376667266797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789478143783313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375392649273438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463087945296377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399528891102009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120976793447034,0.0,0.08451133597988816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007819737737061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586403246362776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948941734857098,0.1378310605541551,0.1735947841156496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981513275479746,0.0,0.0,0.0848920900195214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652751345260729,0.0,0.0,0.14072000630803858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474086079724546,0.2396960756259119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604085867743684,0.19108584842130186,0.09766578578487556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845032787941365,0.0,0.11044360544540444,0.06749007660377965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404054575211272,0.058632171583684674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969835740770818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236867448459422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShatterSwagg,2019/02/18,"Suicidal attempt My friends stopped me from jumping off the Compton bridge. The water flowed by as I wanted to drift away with it. The sadness sunk my heart into my feet. My legs got tired as I wanted to fall beneath the weight of my body. My leg, halfway over clung on to the bar, as I tried to reach the other side. Three overweight men pulled over, “Aye man, don’t do it!” My leg gripped tighter as I fell back crying to his arms. The rage and sadness made me sob uncontrollably. My friend told me that it isn’t worth it. “What happened my man?” “My girlfriend left me.” “There’s plenty of fish in the sea. The words helped me at least to not jump off the bridge.

GL to you my friends in the BPD community ",1.7517102615694142,3.8905813943661975,2.2431790744466795,97.04563380281692,80.1267605633803,4.902213279678068,22.818913480885314,5.773587663045528,0.0643364185110662,546,18,122,3,14,167,91,142,0.17800000000000002,0.728,0.094,-0.9282,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,2,8,1,1,11,0,3,12,7,1,0,9,9,5,1,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,2,0,0,3,7,3,4,1,0,1,1,7,3,5,0,1,3,2,22,3,27,6,1,22,0,3,0,0,11,13,1,0,2,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303723821954574,0.1579867164540058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228220693949758,0.2587707565047695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568910337711315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476215644636641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432581630270346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168835702745384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434721044349627,0.13771608131137505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323382196574132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441203043724525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177447612230873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474082957412225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361470302539496,0.0,0.19632665340037245,0.0,0.13949443488873167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423722731678513,0.0,0.0,0.25019597197326804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeginSelfDestruct,2019/02/18,"My best friend had a date yesterday and has been talking to me scarcely since day before yesterday and I feel like he's abandoning me. I know it's stupid but I've been paranoid and obsessed with the fact that this other girl is swooping in and taking him away from me. I KNOW that's not the case but I feel like it is and it's making me crazy. Does anyone else get this way?

It makes me want to get rid of every piece of cantact with him because it's driving me insane.",2.455681818181816,3.902290262626263,3.539280303030304,91.72892045454547,75.66666666666666,6.162121212121212,23.48611111111111,6.6274283507984215,0.5461202020202021,372,11,81,3,8,120,63,99,0.147,0.745,0.10800000000000001,-0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,19,16,7,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,2,13,4,9,13,2,8,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,51,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135186534177912,0.2364395827085401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680541746306067,0.0,0.0,0.1406683764242238,0.0,0.19635867807888926,0.0,0.2421670443262924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882028689166313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019385145699252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276930372475606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442417764880146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333570889205368,0.3297081572984708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828361786593608,0.0,0.2411238183192649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536379198750828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547411310451315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080664804982303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088600122181465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350184229239987,0.18547512149644574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610747426323866,0.1831655343054524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,analcrong,2019/02/18,"How can I curb paranoia? I'm feeling very sick about this. I had some friends stay over at my house last night and I've been nauseous ever since. I feel certain that my house smelled bad, that my friends recorded me while I was asleep, that they rifled through my bedroom for personal items, that they hated it here and wanted to leave, that they talked about it once they left, and that the plans they made for tomorrow while I'm working were to purposely exclude me.

I feel unloved and almost attacked--even though I know logically that few of those things were likely to be true. I've tried talking myself down and distracting myself, but I still have the urge to search for cameras. Is there anything else I can do to avoid these thoughts, or do I just have to wait it out?",7.318800000000002,6.806994846666673,5.961166666666667,85.71975000000002,63.86666666666667,8.833333333333334,34.083333333333336,7.645422480735847,2.168733333333334,617,23,125,5,8,181,98,150,0.12,0.82,0.059000000000000004,-0.7968,0,1,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,5,2,9,10,1,2,2,0,13,2,1,2,3,26,24,11,0,1,3,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,14,6,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,4,22,5,17,16,3,13,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,8,87,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814295031814684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463980194696536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854056826787626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861412226878254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750245808673213,0.16092235908712305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698574794458061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748929717760504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564119191997785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105495728772066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097770174265236,0.1450137075574619,0.0,0.1883723144282693,0.1932908213292038,0.0,0.0,0.08691383110768619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833498037434594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694878366551008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894596061061209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533698582626715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716220361247573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896196434010292,0.14207260368026398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859814488228625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181900479394266,0.0,0.17478761080827634,0.14123415379252013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078364135446272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678761265922094,0.10493108825424696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951462591399054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InsolentFoolBoy,2019/02/18,A few days ago I stumbled across a symptom list of a BPD and it fit me to a T. What do I do now? I don’t know if I need to get diagnosed or if there’s a test I can take to at least see if I’m totally off base or not. It just made too much sense to ignore. Going to a psychologist is expensive since they gutted my wife’s insurance  but if that’s the only way to know for sure I’ll do it. How did you guys figure it out? ,-1.2081818181818171,0.27555328282828384,2.216454545454546,96.80468181818183,86.87878787878788,5.980202020202023,16.97070707070707,7.1686216300943375,-0.19901292929292946,321,7,87,5,10,117,70,99,0.02,0.9209999999999999,0.059000000000000004,0.5122,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,7,3,1,2,2,20,16,9,0,5,9,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,9,1,12,14,4,10,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,6,3,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399305781186232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408964833493109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455826978943986,0.0,0.0,0.2747220102301157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141269785843966,0.0,0.15382668710473946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680035697453785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975037702932105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561123149772705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897189730472933,0.20069666426332305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058549767892832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156871073426366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22389911211877575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25510109682398235,0.28132736916522194,0.2035084196409932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484341564731374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jungleboy99,2019/02/18,"BPD and car accidents I often see when reading about BPD that dangerous driving is a recurring symptom of BPD in most literature. As someone who regularly gets into car accidents I have to agree with this on a personal level.

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I would love to know your thoughts, this is a big issue for me.",8.173154761904764,7.918521910714286,8.757857142857144,65.52047619047622,62.03571428571429,12.466666666666667,41.88095238095238,11.855464076750405,5.33999523809524,241,13,40,7,3,81,45,56,0.13,0.758,0.113,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,10,7,1,10,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,2,2,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116256289465704,0.2373312431060585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7379838692957913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204494622315374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038599536017413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073409838738336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628100248260334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054306199100247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536961649452506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564217077478926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654912577727948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300890013642486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505969114415225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874742310639954,0.0,0.2373312431060585,0.0
bpd,eatweedsmokeass,2019/02/18,Is it selfish to want a mental health day? I've dropped out of college twice already and it always starts with me slowly skipping classes before getting embarrassed about missing class and not being able to bring myself to keep going. Friday night I slipped into this episode and it won't go away. I don't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. I just want to sleep. My weekend was nothing but that and it still wasn't enough. Is it selfish to want a mental health day?,2.6322222222222216,4.885775319148936,3.1705673758865287,90.93388888888893,77.72340425531915,4.6033096926713934,25.33806146572104,5.033348758259628,0.5041834515366426,376,14,72,1,9,117,64,94,0.10800000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.053,-0.7912,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,7,3,1,0,0,17,19,6,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,8,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,4,0,1,2,0,6,0,15,15,1,14,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,48,13,3,0.18365869984285604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267194223947285,0.0,0.15281875086094796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841843320759433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255339417706464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628002646385353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368893353869837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976853200275093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919081808691981,0.0,0.2087549430741877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904412193299359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324429102785468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701695449087741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235124842099167,0.0,0.1762254758017466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837913359594308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999457303491385,0.0,0.14667007493611894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761790606578393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333066384005983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pounded_raisu,2019/02/18,"meeting someone for a one night stand is far less nerve wrecking than going out for coffee. Others think of this as an ""extreme"" behavior, but my reasoning is that while sexual rejection hurts, interpersonal rejection cuts so much deeper, much harder and longer to move from. anyone feel like this?",9.234705882352943,10.128654823529411,8.392941176470586,65.16823529411766,59.58823529411765,11.505882352941176,34.64705882352941,11.20814326018867,4.288576470588237,240,9,35,6,3,75,46,51,0.254,0.696,0.05,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,8,5,3,7,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359515987684214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168860364600782,0.22844839130831496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173635087222725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34232735075213394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622664250240556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339871806276682,0.4701450342964702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000885774970349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668882831029693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32878349467629225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709455857712724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489986543630034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mancakesdahmer,2019/02/18,"How to describe BPD People ask my all the time what BPD is. And the best way I can explain it is this:

Imagine the worst breakup or the best vacation you’ve ever experienced. Where you felt like nothing else mattered in the world. Like it was the worst/best thing you’ve ever experienced and nothing will ever come close again. Now imagine experiencing that level of emotion with everything in life.

How do y’all explain it to people?",5.449552845528455,7.059492573170735,5.713170731707318,78.4438211382114,68.39024390243902,7.9056910569105705,31.959349593495933,8.344100000000001,2.490066666666665,349,15,62,5,6,111,54,82,0.046,0.804,0.15,0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,2,8,5,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,2,4,18,11,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,4,6,8,4,14,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,8,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528666893965225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148042477586489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118888650216476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085575540394024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659779990717086,0.1839350584865814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437325310326203,0.0,0.0,0.14695888932661155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700234040304345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549717058591995,0.1597726774490691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137986976868332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672474334039905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863369021047596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534830693452598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297924955970729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,recovernq,2019/02/18,"With years, I feel like I’ve only gotten better at suppressing, but not controlling those intense inner experiences. They’re still there and are as intense as always, I just stopped letting them in the outer reality and stopped really paying attention to them. That kind of thing made me only socially more functional, but what healing really is has nothing much to do with social functionality. I basically over years switched from typical BPD to quiet BPD. And that’s not recovery, that’s avoiding, hiding from those emotions. And exactly this is why true recovery is hard. It involves a lot of self-awareness, self-control and honesty, even when it comes to things about yourself that would shatter you if you knew them. Symptoms are morphing and they are always more about the inner experience. I won’t stop having a personality disorder if I stop seeming like I do (this goes **especially** for ‘not having symptoms’ in front of my own self). All of that makes true recovery exhausting, painful, torturous, uncomfortable and we are human beings. If we can use a shortcut, why wouldn’t we, right? Very human, animal, living being kind of logic. And that makes us unmotivated to heal and procrastinate on a much deeper level than our consciousness can comprehend. How shitty is that, huh. ",5.8610000000000015,8.616530155555559,6.471277777777778,68.70425000000003,69.66666666666667,9.655555555555557,32.138888888888886,10.008157457239328,3.9566222222222223,1035,47,155,29,20,337,140,225,0.177,0.738,0.085,-0.9693,0,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,5,2,4,2,8,11,1,1,6,1,21,6,0,6,4,49,30,18,0,5,9,0,2,2,0,3,6,1,0,4,16,15,0,7,6,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,3,3,19,7,25,21,7,20,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,5,10,117,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802459416599672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579179112161916,0.0,0.0,0.2728264399543191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329986206816647,0.0,0.0,0.24295875862356536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413315908550955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183467787371735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153803061427369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189680616435932,0.0,0.0,0.054765017800266366,0.07737700700188457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702488870959093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255773324792284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107547732113572,0.0,0.10583002963216373,0.0,0.09564011154164408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208167122936582,0.0,0.10248596646875502,0.1445961326154187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592412859741383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392679776339764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647499555070217,0.11524995507643175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945725070650524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877289522071812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249653235882548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986017656716228,0.33897426242046685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208177274955894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649686514665286,0.362209543523933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515205741331729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391330029116875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302841352347124,0.0935454530965203,0.0,0.08936746429985719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954666687223198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694063598248321,0.0,0.0,0.13949675718925722
bpd,surelame,2019/02/18,"Boyfriend with BPD, attempted suicide and I don’t know why Everything seemed fine, I saw him on the Thursday we had an argument on Wednesday but sorted it out and everything seemed okay and he stayed over, in the morning he was happy and was going to see his friend and then I was meant to see him later that day.

There was nothing suspicious, normally I can tell if anything if wrong or off but everything seemed fine. I don’t hear from him for a while until he calls me around 8, apologising for not messaging me and he had transferred some money to the wrong bank account and was sorting that out all day. He then goes on to say that he probably wouldn’t be able to talk to me much tonight as he was going to try and talk to his parents about it. I send him some texts asking how things are going, no reply. This was weird and I should have noticed from his call that he wasn’t okay. 

Fast forward it’s Saturday around midday and get a text from my SO dad asking to call me. Immediately i know something is wrong. I call and his dad tells me how my boyfriend had taken 3 Xanax and tried to kill himself and how they were in hospital. Obviously very upset and shocked I rush there and see him. His parents leave us for a while to talk I know it would be a lot for him to tell me why he did it so I don’t ask but ask if he knows whether it was the Xanax or if he had intent, ( he has trouble with Xanax before and overdosed last September) he replied saying he didn’t know and he just changed the subject.  I spent the night with him in hospital trying to keep it like a normal day, he wasn’t himself but he seemed okay and we made various jokes and laughed throughout the night. He stayed in hospital yesterday, I had to leave because it was my dads birthday but he had his family with him, he had a psychiatric review today and they have asked him to come back In later this week and also to start therapy, he has been let out and I’m seeing him in a while. 

I understand that with bpd your mood can change so drastically and quickly and everything he feels he feels to an extreme but I don’t understand what changed from the happy boy I saw Friday morning and him attempting suicide later that day. 

I love him so much and I just want him to be safe and understand he has so many people that love him and care about him. It’s just a lot to take in and I finding it very hard to process.

I just needed to vent and tell someone even if it is as an Anonymous reddit account.

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bpd,fauxfoxem,2019/02/18,"My Own BPD-Fueled Actions Just Stole Everything From Me And I Have Never Been This Alone My boyfriend, if I could even still call him that, is the best person I’ve ever met. He’s incredible. And one week ago, I self-admitted to the psych ward, and he sat with me and visited and sent me photos of us. And this weekend, we went on a vacation, and everything was perfect. We were in love. I felt better. No sadness there at all. We talked about futures and babies and careers we’d want when we’re older. We talked about forevers and weekend plans and he showed me every song that made him who he is and we danced and laughed and drank wine and took photos in his car.

And then that morning I crashed it. I crashed his first love, the only thing I was never supposed to take from him.

I crashed that car going 70mph on the highway. We didn’t have airbags. The roof was a soft-top convertible. He wasn’t even wearing a seatbelt. But we flew off the road and rolled a few times, landing upside down in the grassy median. This is a 1990 Miata- it’s not meant to be survivable in these situations. 

And then I can’t move and I can’t turn to see him and I hear him screaming, terrified he’s going to lose his arm, because it’s got beneath the car. And I’m crawling through broken glass, pleading with strangers to just, dear God, get him out, get him out, get him out.

It’s the next morning and we are fine. Sore and bruised and cut, but fine.

But I destroyed our relationship. He’s so distant, and that’s fair. Won’t even talk to me. He has life stuff to catch up on, I get it, but I know I’ve destroyed it. 

The person that he was that morning when he got in the car loved me. That person wasn’t going to leave- he’d proved that time and time again.

But now I feel like he’s a ghost in the hall, won’t talk to me or look at me. I’m financially trying to recover everything lost, but I know what he’s mourning is the memories and the trust. He’s alway struggled to open himself to people and I destroyed that trust by stealing the only thing that had consistently been there for him.

And now I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I will never find someone else, and I don’t want to. And I will never deserve to, anyway. He’s not okay. I love him, and I’ve taken away the person that he was. I don’t know what to do. I’ve ruined the life I loved, and I’ve shaken who he is to the core. And I realistically know he deserves better but I can’t be that right now. I don’t know if I ever will be. I want to get better in a real way, but that’ll take time and my life will go on hold and if he’s not around for it, then I don’t know. It’s not his job to handhold me through this, but I love him and I dong know what to do.",0.6326202123851559,2.5523196262975816,2.383056914449352,95.72692041522491,82.84083044982701,5.231881637036153,20.346140078749553,6.311591054244273,-0.0432637871375734,2096,60,492,18,58,690,232,578,0.099,0.778,0.12300000000000001,0.9420000000000001,2,1,1,0,0,0,75.0,11,0,0,11,21,32,4,1,25,1,45,14,2,1,9,99,96,56,2,7,19,0,2,1,0,7,4,3,0,4,36,52,2,1,13,6,0,17,22,13,0,2,27,7,72,19,55,56,4,73,0,6,2,6,68,27,0,4,29,316,108,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596078955502557,0.0,0.0,0.07706727041028417,0.0,0.0,0.06191584512891836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624149349854562,0.0,0.0,0.06991150739124727,0.0,0.0,0.04536020526227142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808966818007985,0.19743123143033264,0.0,0.0,0.09371794697687533,0.0,0.07598186743103487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059411063553123325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216077420876742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744312965549394,0.13461787178294374,0.06269440815540157,0.0,0.20062720652039992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037624396193069516,0.05315917504656886,0.07144615095319189,0.0,0.0680102314443178,0.06329388926584162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438316860215465,0.0,0.16915775914224612,0.0,0.1190264181872859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838665131737443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384135482117489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271543583650284,0.0,0.0,0.07879041860625532,0.0,0.0,0.15767589699296414,0.03635341613990535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248643067383367,0.08324678422907841,0.16245661519228113,0.0,0.4029525548712515,0.07040941026830674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790870302906706,0.0,0.0,0.22956115054861065,0.0,0.07913685600143705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042276414736003,0.11318571321192213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051587161681596924,0.2598909754956816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469591587970443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988947896339231,0.0,0.06354651782723601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929586803281905,0.0,0.07762681641697637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364099009267498,0.0,0.0,0.06304812977505947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942465563702135,0.0,0.0,0.07779044836190177,0.08518269902969312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118955003224198,0.2392347106289545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887061567942708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735584199034873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267326838963107,0.05052012920258393,0.08093771169815155,0.0,0.0,0.08950717298440147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166846296052062,0.059063923564544575,0.05968795042571747,0.0,0.0,0.06897966694340008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Akya96,2019/02/18,"DAE imitate ppl? I believe because of my disorders I strongly idolize certain famous people and have tried my all to be like them. I often feel like I have no personality but more like patches of what I believe those famous people I idolize are like.  Like I get obsessed with CAOS/Sabrina Spellman so ill buy clothes like her, do my makeup like her, speak like her and take on her mannerisms. I cant stop it.
I hate it too. ",2.710993975903616,5.008497132530124,4.2369728915662686,83.16461596385547,77.67469879518072,6.559638554216868,29.65210843373494,7.645422480735847,2.0829530120481934,334,16,62,5,8,111,55,83,0.087,0.5820000000000001,0.331,0.9677,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,3,12,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,9,10,4,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,17,10,5,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,9,41,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426298580491305,0.0,0.0,0.4223661968464645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482492609276335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947763755315919,0.1339086987950465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793077922059563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506030218333014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7325980732823691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598975506772165,0.16366724242200356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671001807829132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409331581619706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726090573356807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pepperspray93,2019/02/18,"Quit my job and moving back to the U.K. to work on managing BPD Hello everyone!

I’m new here and came across this subreddit when seeking out support and forums for BPD. I was diagnosed in September last year after years of misdiagnoses and not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. 

I moved to Switzerland 4 years ago on a whim which in hindsight maybe wasn’t the best idea as it was during a period of feeling hysterically happy and revived after an 8 week course of CBT therapy to treat some depressive episode and the break up of an emotionally draining 5 year LDR. I thought it was a great idea. I met someone within 2 months of moving and I’ve been with him since, so while I’ve been quite unwell and probably needing to return back to London for a long time, I’ve been clinging onto the life I built here with him. 

Last week I handed in my notice to my employer of my part time job and I’ll be moving back to the family home for some time to work on my health. 

Honestly, I feel quite embarrassed that I’m yearning to be at home and in the comfort of my mother, especially at 26yo, but I’m a total train wreck of a person at the moment that the guilt of my poor boyfriend having to deal with me is overwhelming, but luckily he is very supportive and patient. 

Has anyone else had to quit work or move to the family home because they are unable to cope? Have you got any advice on how best I spend the coming months (apart from going to therapy) as I will be out of routine. 

Thank you very much in advance, this looks like a great community and I think it’s going to help me in my journey. 
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bpd,zaprau,2019/02/18,"First Post Here - Grieving Hi everyone. I have been lurking since my diagnosis after a crisis a few months ago. Boy it's been a roller-coaster but I have found a lot of strength through all your raw honesty. Time for me to contribute some. This evening I was doing some food shopping after work. My husband and I were playing phone tag for about 30 minutes but for some reason neither of us were getting each other's texts or calls. We all know my mind immediately jumped to believing he was dead. I pushed through the thoughts and relieved the impulse to panic by periodically calling or texting again and checking my phone. I managed to make it through the shopping trip, to my car and then the thoughts became a bit much. Like to the point of well obviously he is dead and I am coming home to a dead husband. When I kill myself because he clearly couldn't stand me and it is my fault will I write a letter for us to be cremated or buried together. So dramatic. But I really believed and felt it in the moment. There was that little bit of me that held on to enough stability to drive home safely luckily not very far. I got home and he was fine and said hey I was trying to call you too! While the rational part of me could laugh it off a little I still had to grieve a little to move past it. It felt so intense. Luckily my new meds are really helping with my intense mood changes. I was able to tell my husband clearly about the experience of grieving for the first time and we have been together for 4 years. I am feeling positive about possibly getting into a DBT program and all these little bits of growth. Having a more stable mood has been great and I feel so stupid for not getting on meds sooner. The passion, intensity and endorphins of feeling so much all the time finally became toxic to myself and my loved ones. I am getting there one day at a time. I really believe that now for the first time since my crisis.",3.740512535295629,5.597622122015919,4.677571660819716,83.1873115427398,73.13793103448276,7.410935227175496,29.137417643535557,8.155646560271837,2.05926959869941,1528,64,292,24,31,496,197,377,0.129,0.68,0.19,0.9733,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,4,2,0,5,18,20,2,1,24,0,29,3,0,2,7,56,48,27,8,2,8,3,5,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,13,20,1,2,10,3,3,8,4,7,1,5,21,6,41,11,47,23,19,47,0,3,0,2,27,12,0,7,26,213,54,3,0.0843389584201127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476139791786889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141224624699035,0.0,0.0,0.2850633750602753,0.0,0.0,0.2762288969881277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25835851862335196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921943506167487,0.07265054479718816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733779557495365,0.0,0.0,0.05439165099302561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714468927265683,0.0,0.0557050866168236,0.0,0.0,0.08058948903707873,0.0,0.0824996847121674,0.0,0.0,0.12793293443810705,0.0,0.16195725239631376,0.09238920649351433,0.0,0.21521602484271296,0.10198300329572332,0.09247331472758293,0.0,0.0,0.1762544992494821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745356955904086,0.09298399940085304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653062604005784,0.0,0.25379655562115017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330856163558074,0.0,0.04635048589338304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041203754958725615,0.33811917190530044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170196645908568,0.07611920278693378,0.0,0.056296909648170274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873631398951318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515830566984862,0.0,0.06731855197033587,0.08963896553680485,0.12399767720742715,0.0,0.0,0.08145509159145946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430052186973627,0.0,0.0,0.09895359586226564,0.0,0.09133087319748197,0.08051107896406046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972757646749368,0.09507950345731576,0.08077340872505558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620890891591391,0.08671449588956515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022566288467184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953211587973136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735320113937593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371596704924681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391142446499135,0.2458936244535255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057260616612627525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028987651946783,0.0,0.0,0.06958847338685545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583085232140258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139976620198888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431152406118328
bpd,Youknow_whatever,2019/02/18,"I bought a book to try and help me with my trust issues and I keep putting off reading it. Why? Cause now I have to admit to myself that I didn't *completely* solve my issues. Though I have made a lot of progress I've noticed. 

They're still there though, causing issues in my life.",0.4971674876847274,2.829823741379311,1.4759113300492643,99.2387931034483,87.44827586206895,4.0039408866995085,18.630541871921178,5.288315135182226,-0.5768699507389159,219,6,49,1,7,68,43,58,0.028999999999999998,0.779,0.192,0.8405,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,9,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,10,1,7,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,32,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913407518332973,0.0,0.0,0.19970949742064745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767143106929205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.596419489564177,0.0,0.1693030028889094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453818200833365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193510154702834,0.0,0.1802321261733412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168571410193688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148006495160064,0.0,0.0,0.1905266252433444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521136449199882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742815979742146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293200761948745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718741331799034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,quistis18,2019/02/18,"Taking shit personally, but not too personally? When someone is essentially trying to bully you a little because they don't like you, I find that an unacceptable situation to be in. As a bpd diagnosed person, I almost have a physical reaction to overall arching question of why are you trying to fuck with me? It's threatening to ruin my day, I'm a parent and I don't need the roller-coaster right now. I've removed myself from the situation after making a couple of attempts to defend myself, but bullying is vile in all its forms and even as an adult, I just feel like a kid. ",7.247976190476187,6.763551178571429,8.863214285714289,64.76511904761907,64.0,11.395238095238097,35.63095238095238,10.864195022040775,4.069459523809524,460,19,78,11,6,163,80,112,0.327,0.6729999999999999,0.0,-0.9927,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,1,1,5,6,3,0,10,0,7,4,2,1,1,15,13,7,0,1,4,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,12,2,15,12,2,9,0,1,0,1,11,4,2,2,6,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811743300615393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843174924417004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402898901181265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681675676005952,0.0,0.11471550636240525,0.0,0.0,0.180540713141006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748562695826152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899396082950161,0.12707487334654655,0.0,0.0,0.1625757273224243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444378484634856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380276302805212,0.17827879512669698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118733819970946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189303201724076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751059503007884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659442057663543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926217914984054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190539916084134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258747885292329,0.0,0.39988085643900345,0.0,0.0,0.1507140225348443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374085018309292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415326804543363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050570533669772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tstavron,2019/02/18,"looking for advice! 17 year old forced to stop Paxil 20mg cold turkey. I was very recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well as anxiety, anxiety related insomnia, and severe depression from the previous improper diagnosis of Bipolar ii, and I was taking Paxil 20mg for 2 months. After my third change of psychiatrist, I was instructed to stop Paxil cold turkey in favor of staring prozac in 2 weeks because of the risks associated with adolescents taking Paxil. He is adamant on me stopping as soon as possible and I do understand why this is important, for the drug is **still not FDA approved for treating depression in teens even though it is commonly used for it**. I am currently 3 days in, and I am experiencing the full force of the withdrawals- Severe headaches and zaps, cold sweats, strange dreams and waking up in sweats, equilibrium and balance issues, tingling of extremities and numbness in hands, lightheadedness, suicidal ideation, dissociation, severe mood swings and racing thoughts. As someone very new to all of this and the processes associated with treatment, Id really appreciate anything, **and I mean anything**, anyone has to say about their personal experiences with withdrawals from Paxil or any antidepressant for that matter as well as any tips for managing this hell for the next 2 weeks. Thankfully, I am not currently enrolled in high school, so i am not forced to deal with this while stuck in class, but its challenging to go through this seemingly alone without contact from others. **Appreciate any feedback or thoughts I can get.**",7.165569449138224,9.845324342007435,7.339231159175402,64.22208769854683,65.80297397769516,11.284961135518756,37.50608313619466,11.115808304768276,5.280143494423792,1284,68,186,43,22,414,161,269,0.14300000000000002,0.802,0.054000000000000006,-0.9556,2,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,2,8,12,1,1,7,0,14,11,4,1,1,34,27,24,1,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,10,16,0,3,5,1,0,1,4,5,2,1,6,8,13,6,50,21,2,32,1,2,2,0,7,12,1,3,19,122,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002853485483327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661658709511664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970956690561625,0.0,0.17227287128171706,0.0,0.0,0.07873047590426381,0.0,0.18531555777243586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863811705616288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911274986952065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261578281956117,0.11608261521518755,0.1939593496615917,0.11428363637361283,0.0,0.0,0.12904597512366614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057683168560255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436929009988658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101415213248296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882731175098931,0.0,0.06399149874780731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896496613657567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752206736281053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455316434777597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226511972357876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898738916792959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874693326207964,0.119748240870534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815166391153738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196630803308447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693625671582315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213255393007391,0.0,0.11117600381755302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895416940802354,0.0,0.11395422664027208,0.0,0.10250412616378124,0.0,0.3816078536525963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540311571896927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992015018566506,0.2824085285963707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316289829222332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931793859355146,0.0,0.0,0.10366423645031783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106260306867108,0.1787789621840079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172175007909816,0.0,0.09724769998731793,0.0,0.18580871799065848,0.0,0.0,0.1806371247429268,0.0,0.20247654199352247,0.0,0.10160132496132887,0.0,0.0,0.10853953889894903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250880905107956
bpd,daniellelovee38,2019/02/18,"[DAE] begin to question their sanity? I feel like I can’t even keep up with my emotions anymore. I switch from rage to hyperventilating and I wish I could hit a pause button on life for a second to take in what’s happening. I always feel like there is this heavy weight sitting on my chest, almost a suffocating feeling. ",5.615806451612903,6.378761064516129,6.442096774193548,76.48314516129034,67.38709677419354,8.780645161290323,28.403225806451612,8.841846274778883,2.106922580645161,254,8,48,4,4,84,49,62,0.062,0.7859999999999999,0.152,0.5141,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,10,12,1,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,9,2,10,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427843939893753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017425926196536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404509373845614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358117403617667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27273006602936634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601397250236469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677787108260119,0.3464208482687038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440280401188586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550579570096853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712536545195973,0.23690324851013744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716059096148378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822965372637288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952457648975396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788121274497706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lewwwflame,2019/02/18,"Disappointment I hate college man... Everyday I wake up so upset about where I’m at. I got rejected or waitlisted at all of the schools I wanted to go too... I know a lot of people but have no real friends. Nobody to connect with. My mood swings are so hard to handle. I can’t get close with anybody because of my bpd. I’m just lost and so upset. I don’t wanna live anymore. I don’t know where I can go from here I used to have so much joy in what could happen. Now I’m so upset and imbalanced. I just wanna kms at this point. I hate being so negative I’ve always tried to preach against it, but it’s how I feel. I try to cover it up with positivity and love everyday bro. I feel like I’m going in circles. I am lost ",-0.3811541218638013,1.6651757483870997,2.6134946236559142,91.66246415770607,88.29032258064518,5.508960573476704,19.57885304659498,6.937597516519254,0.3278100358422935,551,17,126,8,18,195,93,155,0.226,0.6409999999999999,0.133,-0.9217,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,2,15,14,2,3,2,0,10,2,1,2,1,25,31,13,0,4,5,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,9,0,0,3,3,18,4,24,26,3,17,1,4,0,1,4,11,0,2,4,84,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847541368301456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769633865365693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877466385283366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473747904016486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246889822840986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804480832881502,0.12747674669792528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786140920081538,0.0,0.09322693184959928,0.0,0.30423272363530474,0.0,0.14271384524242456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779288154821627,0.0,0.15984615637983607,0.3523428347455281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613064553713766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717620649325891,0.0,0.15756476950392434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895741565990578,0.1517023251951527,0.161048024552693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117308269291614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370702774805956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868238528987425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310247112540056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805896377848301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422965257780059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541138704012851,0.0,0.0,0.10524785411749793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PeenHands,2019/02/18,"Hey guys.. So, I've recently come under the impression that I may have BPD along with ADD. I'd like certain users to PM me if possible about their experiences.

I have A LOT to discuss about within this spectrum and I'd really like a close personal conversation with someone else that may have experienced what I'm feeling as well.",4.756666666666668,6.677036730158732,5.993841269841273,74.53171428571432,70.5873015873016,10.11936507936508,31.647619047619052,10.355215969177356,3.667910476190477,266,12,48,8,5,89,48,63,0.0,0.795,0.205,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,8,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,5,10,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,4,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660008094371917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503263616462161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275919831305226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842627810790502,0.0,0.0,0.14693620491544582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877399100604823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28394518151993875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470579186527536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25374090679854394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276080892998322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861659448667426,0.0,0.2869326631255482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24622462693156025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26128450124000885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mermaidprincess44,2019/02/18,"Coping with idealization? Ugh, it's an odd story, but here it goes: I met someone online, we texted for 3 months, of course I idealized him as the most perfect human being (even though there were some signals and situations I didn't like), I decided to take a flight to meet him. I realized he is so annoying and I can't stand him (besides he told me he can't consider me for something serious because of his religion). Blah, I am 100% sure I don't want him as a partner, but I can't stop thinking about the past 3 months we were texting. It's funny because 1. We have nothing in common. 2. He didn't find funny the things I like. 3. I cried all the time because of my BPD (not getting attention, feeling he is going to abandon me, etc). 

However, I am idealizing that those 3 months were perfect and amazing and that I was happy all the time . A part of me thinks it was perfect and that I was happy, and I feel pretty sad/depressed because I miss those times; but the other part of me knows it is not true and that he is not the one for me and that I am going to find a guy who is way better than him for me.

How can I convince myself that I need to move the fuck on? ",2.344700172562554,3.5591457090163914,4.313503019844692,87.0100992234685,75.51639344262296,7.1040552200172575,26.366695427092324,7.669130373188453,1.364659016393443,899,33,195,12,19,308,129,244,0.106,0.645,0.249,0.9931,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,3,0,0,7,7,21,2,0,13,0,23,1,0,1,7,45,38,16,0,5,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,16,12,0,2,10,0,0,3,9,6,0,1,10,2,37,15,21,27,7,16,0,2,0,1,22,2,1,2,11,138,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328897388569139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074245603063084,0.0,0.0,0.17194445392692595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996280940547474,0.0,0.0,0.11758604407240722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522579179303998,0.09017137496672653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805906907764284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495569415327148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621222330111667,0.07132701655560195,0.0,0.15517699363598314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517806636660654,0.0,0.29066003337476365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502882227132117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333953311652609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269112442292271,0.14510108975591438,0.0,0.10122920014505464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099636892079444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251071888016583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29567965560407194,0.13032552556971486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138891772074375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345624644275496,0.0,0.0,0.11567449560073585,0.10510116738364747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413835509998894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867020028661785,0.0,0.1026474187733008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069903135315603,0.1749553403170129,0.13413199562257494,0.0,0.23882091448894616,0.0,0.0,0.13045245013845186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080524106973629,0.10836466665870527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Epan11,2019/02/18,"Today my partner went through my phone Today he went through my phone and yet again I hurt him. This is why I will never be happy because every upset that comes up I provoke it. I am a worthless, toxic person, and will always be hard to love. I am a serial liar and a serial cheater This time it was different, I was not looking for a body but a mind. We have been through so much and I kill it in seconds. I have been going through a lot lately and I know I am not the only human in pain. My brain has been consuming me. Anything I would bring to his attention I could feel the dread and annoyed remarks. That is why I even started therapy, I want someone to validate my emotions and thoughts. I need a friend that is what it is all this wreckless behavior is my call for help to have a friend and it feels like me and my bf cannot, anytime I express something he says ""you make this difficult"" this other person would hear me through and give me advice. What I feel It is more than depression it is a pattern of behavior that leads me to do the bad things. The big question is why , I needed to be heard. To him it is nothing but to me it is everything. I cannot justify why I did what I did in those moments my ache went away. Suddenly I felt ok, I had no intentions to sleep or date this other person. Now the time for decisions comes, it is no longer me it is what Is best for my kids. I cannot say he does not make me happy because last night I felt something, that not everything Is dead, I knew I should have erased those texts because he goes through my phone from time to time, I have cheated before but this time it was not malicious i still burned trust i know. One side of me wants to fight for him to take me back as I always do but the other side wants to give up and start writing my plan. But if I need him this badly why do I keep setting myself up? I do not know other than I want to feel like I am everything to him not just a roommate . I wish I knew how to fix me. I am this mess and he is solid. What do I do? Take the time to work on becoming a good person? I do this all time. This is why I will never get married. I do not belong in this world I am this creep. I really am, and this is not me trying to get empathy I feel this way and have been since I was 14. I want to run away from myself maybe that’s why I put myself in this mess. For once I will let him decide what he wants and won't contest give myself a chance to reset. He deserves happiness karma will put me to rest or my self will.",1.4996846810239752,3.0205333158878496,3.2382060138155246,92.56132364892322,78.45794392523366,6.371800081267778,22.4715562779358,7.1686216300943375,0.5876647704185292,1944,58,445,23,46,648,216,535,0.149,0.746,0.105,-0.9784,1,0,2,0,1,0,45.0,1,1,0,4,9,28,5,2,19,1,68,5,3,6,4,81,114,26,2,15,18,0,8,2,4,10,1,4,0,8,47,18,0,1,17,0,0,11,17,16,0,2,20,13,88,12,51,79,7,52,1,3,1,1,44,15,0,5,26,327,135,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550566306750127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155670236552748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516395589845484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259628646872512,0.05154564883601837,0.11194257117336304,0.1225914361779183,0.07403470649301917,0.057041705614281575,0.0,0.07034892161166043,0.0,0.0,0.07446058764612278,0.0,0.07483304348332041,0.06845005953267683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154891460815053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352185955158421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773700351680078,0.0,0.0,0.07003713294635368,0.0,0.0,0.05866263418037033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540516458893944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044275875038050916,0.0,0.0564797380703799,0.0,0.18073975666182154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694741289185995,0.0957793963131624,0.12872790447182594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358189152273724,0.0,0.07004586706187314,0.19291776055196386,0.038097440465682614,0.056225637553173585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407947900881286,0.06005004346917973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555312884026384,0.0,0.044932035589304135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176217527457412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059583639718519835,0.07416411078175288,0.0,0.1105217734684526,0.05464233599163856,0.0756182115618948,0.0,0.0,0.06854765858756103,0.0,0.06549966677908498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629237664487005,0.0,0.0,0.05699061790824338,0.06050155408200161,0.0,0.08949254324857425,0.0,0.0673454999369345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768607194215613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927831545087789,0.14911643803185298,0.10340279169700957,0.0,0.0,0.06290764979463329,0.0,0.06432173029318584,0.0,0.0,0.07138990946488251,0.045424537779643635,0.050983011273292654,0.07132978871921776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23412892241470104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477704480931366,0.07509435470759653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429442306050504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661757971515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993195067095546,0.0,0.0,0.0554519066542482,0.0,0.06708324484881116,0.0,0.05679839654433162,0.10321337908285824,0.0,0.0,0.09489519978071984,0.0,0.053534104301331084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100803703797623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666017378667797,0.0,0.04453496444682619,0.0,0.0,0.0532181696131562,0.2736198517989116,0.0,0.1270823671917186,0.0,0.0,0.045512251388848186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23723328822903975,0.05320913029541061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642588561431125,0.4234195718625722,0.0,0.07708674978826338,0.0,0.0,0.04880215687347615,0.0,0.0,0.0952392442133816,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,livixmarie,2019/02/18,"my boyfriend has a secret instagram basically, my boyfriend has a private instagram where he follows hot girls and porn stars. when he told me about it i was like, “oh that’s cool” because it was like 6 months into the relationship. now, i keep comparing myself to literally every girl. i don’t have any trust in him because of this. i hate myself so so so much. is it too late to tell him this or,,,? he knows about my bpd, but i don’t think he knows the full extent. ",0.981237911025147,3.380536234042556,2.6810251450677,91.06136363636364,85.59574468085106,5.971373307543519,21.31141199226305,7.348242739294969,0.7312468085106381,362,12,78,6,11,119,65,94,0.031,0.8859999999999999,0.083,0.3844,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,4,1,8,1,0,0,0,9,15,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,13,4,7,12,3,9,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,6,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826435176615461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32744758471344404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382669368937479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262901193549085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651670116503554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872612381279465,0.0,0.0,0.2952089388035893,0.0,0.3029697853489142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624291103240624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437788521429704,0.0,0.19743710339258985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883542609576406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23475063945980315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209513220877298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566395699937619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdbinch69,2019/02/18,"Can I ever have a healthy relationship with My FP? my FP and I are best friends. we've been through a lot and while we have our problems we always seem to come back out on top. We learn new things about each other all the time. I know he loves and supports me. But when things are bad, I feel hopeless. 

we became friends years ago, and had a really good connection. We always make each other laugh and enjoy each others company. it never felt forced or wrong. I never had to ask to be included. It just happened. 

Which is why two years ago we got together. It was intesne in good and bad ways. We kind of worsened each others problems in the end and had to break up. for a while we didnt talk, and i was suicidal and heartbroken the entire time. Even when we started speaking again it was so slow going it was torture.

We are great now and we talked everything out. We still feel the same way but we just can't be in a reltionship. this is fine. 

​

The problem is with the little stuff. misunderstanding each other, not getting affection the way we each want, when he says something to trigger me or when we have an argument. All the little things that I guess happen in normal relationships too, but i was always worried were a bigger deal than they were. 

during the breakup he posted about me on reddit. I wont break the rules by referencing the specific one but im sure you can imagine. And i found it after he told me everything was fine. 

I should be over it but our breakup still haunts me and what he said about me still haunts me. We've spoken numerous times about it and he always takes the stance that ""we went over this/ solved this already, why is it still a problem? I'm completely over it"" so at this point ive given up trying to talk it out. He always used to say he was willing to explain himself and be there for me when i needed him but surely theres a limit. Clearly there is. all humans have limits. lately ive been thinking that I should leave and spare him the trouble. Hes an adult living his best life and im still in the same place, acting like a child over things that shouldnt matter. How long can this continue? How long before he runs out of patience with me? 

I feel like because hes my fp we are doomed to fail and hurt each other over and over again. And in order to recover from bpd I can't have an fp that I rely on anymore. Im scared to recover because i know deep down i will lose him in the process. either by my own hand or his. I love him more now than I ever did before and more than I have ever loved another FP. and thats why I feel I will have to let him go. But im terrified. I dont want to. Hes my best friend and it will probably hurt him too. Im also scared I won't be strong enough to leave all the way. 

I promised him when we broke up I would see a therapist but I havent. Im in a place in life where I dont have stability to sit and interview 20 therapists just to find one that doesn't hate people with bpd.  and I dont know where im going in life or what i will do next. I also live in an abusive house. If I leave, I will lose access to medical care that will help me. If I stay, the stress will make my symptoms worse. I feel like a sad child that still needs taking care of. But I can't be like that anymore. Theres no saftey net for me and I have to make hard choices and stand on my own.

​

TL;DR Should I hold out to the end even if things go south eventually to avoid regret? Should I leave to spare him the pain because I love him? ",1.4725035637918749,3.3793464986338826,2.8943858398669526,93.20651817533856,79.91530054644808,5.9374673319078175,20.581373247802325,6.958239930675773,0.2777629840817295,2735,73,612,31,69,890,289,732,0.168,0.69,0.142,-0.9674,0,1,1,0,0,1,78.0,20,1,1,10,43,54,2,4,35,0,74,11,1,8,12,143,123,56,1,19,21,0,8,4,3,16,6,4,0,4,42,61,0,4,16,0,0,8,16,25,0,3,23,13,98,29,74,77,23,103,1,10,1,4,72,42,0,10,46,431,140,3,0.0,0.058451873100421325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746195723519827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054440504338704065,0.07890361689077559,0.20524621655449948,0.10690518264267987,0.11989067683986968,0.0,0.05173024848213032,0.0,0.0,0.0978507206124926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046119959930537614,0.0,0.0,0.03793424932470515,0.08238246099972697,0.09021933393138856,0.0,0.08395798021914029,0.0,0.15531671008530096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426708542996112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005971394464102,0.0,0.0,0.042496254879731236,0.0517250084289779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086044836747918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345472014034669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873892913640628,0.050974468768046136,0.0,0.06516833605513891,0.13387433607603216,0.0,0.0,0.08867514713553831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472195045866015,0.07048741420390088,0.04736768799647799,0.0,0.04508972674725705,0.0,0.0,0.054091398257333716,0.11434431578449004,0.0,0.025774604115891248,0.0,0.11214896604412974,0.08275683405083879,0.03945633295016427,0.05439011846788469,0.05434617290676337,0.0,0.0872505181393777,0.0,0.04419293136004698,0.04870640328101667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03306705957147961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692398475784863,0.1056245991823338,0.0,0.3730188775357936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137302244414535,0.08133684617878441,0.0,0.05565009182448768,0.208947293359336,0.0,0.050446624112883434,0.10453666983712938,0.0964070002567008,0.09888981940275438,0.0871243851106693,0.08731680573090769,0.0,0.11038264901510264,0.0,0.04194139287639833,0.17810085537036102,0.0,0.09879104807934376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969809231386788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316000821857409,0.07609773801826697,0.04764639196011215,0.052466505950112485,0.0,0.04833614271324653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685901838482296,0.0,0.05249409117268878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03420148666593187,0.0,0.10308556098019336,0.0,0.04663589818857087,0.0,0.04724764796006762,0.0,0.053189622831094886,0.18882115620320555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031604164223679045,0.0,0.0,0.10593096656021044,0.0,0.0,0.046927249167364266,0.07846361317863547,0.09878244472181984,0.0,0.03931223920374713,0.04491116784836595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03797917131890438,0.0,0.0,0.034918351495113284,0.05258271548112063,0.2363857403058733,0.0,0.056511108787477886,0.0,0.05647480594132875,0.05396260428634066,0.055982824715245336,0.0929920704398099,0.05127617022381865,0.07418497815165216,0.11895667205106893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145594874267023,0.16387420501459354,0.0316107756386866,0.0,0.0,0.08629990181559412,0.0,0.0,0.04714006586334028,0.0,0.03349406071122776,0.0,0.04819144890616443,0.0,0.0,0.042608116770046514,0.0,0.0,0.0581960967738797,0.15663385450035536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045732447420667774,0.13354684332405678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501003433955247,0.05027482985111236,0.035044948672392835,0.05393820029226062,0.11989067683986968,0.06353803335828613
bpd,Billyyourbuddy,2019/02/18,"How do I stop thinking about things that make me angry Right before the weekend started I had some friends in my car, and I was playing my music. The person in the passenger seat who had already been making “playful” disrespectful comments all day, had the fucking audacity to tell me that MY music was bad, in MY car, and then pick up MY phone and change the fucking song. I got angry and swore and raised my voice but I wish I had gotten even angrier. I insulted him for the rest the entire trip and I hate being disrespected and feel like I’m a wimp and my trust was abused and I was abused by people I thought were my friends once again. 

I have been angry and dwelling all weekend and it’s ruined my entire weekend, killed my self confidence, and I feel so ashamed and hurt and like I’m going to die with all of this anger that I have no way to express. 

I don’t want to feel this anger going into this week and I need someway I can get rid of it, what are ways I can if anyone has experience with something like this? ",4.825451505016723,5.178739787439613,5.38425120772947,84.82090301003346,69.0,7.915124489037533,28.96655518394649,7.61054688173877,1.5887877369007803,804,27,167,8,13,259,117,207,0.309,0.564,0.127,-0.9956,0,0,1,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,21,7,2,8,0,20,2,0,4,3,37,41,20,2,4,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,12,18,0,1,5,6,0,5,2,13,0,0,14,5,30,8,16,26,5,22,0,2,0,2,11,6,2,2,12,114,42,0,0.0,0.3553761392888663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549389460615904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486141503313877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521737705864694,0.0,0.0,0.12761209046932154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864671661574206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671723246608607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564355610571945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905273536472757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669790379609235,0.0,0.0,0.2274856367515949,0.10713747823445254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317304780710049,0.27728679881065504,0.07835231632926347,0.0,0.17046103257259734,0.0,0.11994345544954307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806277915950572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054430884902285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591785103088266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198010029515212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002101866061209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119969255044787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971148630850773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396922839749764,0.13094665081854204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280722220505975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644978213070387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545302623163832,0.0,0.0,0.10614842849728558,0.0,0.0,0.12538032481878372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107902024298804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963236286212128,0.09609371616802828,0.0,0.11905818387003927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884552671120198,0.2380759227280822,0.12029563069766144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724562963542042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,system_wolf359,2019/02/18,"A written journal containing the summary of several days of observation of female patient, with unorthodox and manipulative Borderline-like behaviours. Conducted upon request of a treating doctor. Observations began following patients admittance after mental breakdown. Patient no longer in hospital Based on my observations of the patients behaviour and actions, repeating over and over, during the patients stay at our hospital, I've drawn the conclusion that her mind too warped and/or inflexible for long-term change to occur. The thought and behavioural patterns I have repeatedly observed coming from the patient, usually of toxic, hurtful or  manipulative nature,  are - almost universally - aimed solely towards the people caring for and helping her, many of whom arrived after receiving personal pleas from the patient to travel long distances and care for her. These occurrences, witnessed more or less every day, are too toxic for a healthy relationship to survive and are above the threshold of what an ethical and sound partner could withstand without receiving deep emotional hurt or sustained mental trauma. I feel confident in guaranteeing to the patient that no therapy exists today that can give her long term and sustainable positive net result in regards to the patients toxic manipulation of her environment.

Having personally observed many such transgressions, including - but not limited to - a recent observation of the patient pleading a childhood male friend to fly across the continent and provide emotional support and assistance, then gaslight and undermine the visiting friend as soon as he went went out of sight - I'll say a high degree of confidence - the patient cannot sustain, nourish or cultivate a normal healthy relationship for any decent period of time. Most likely due to the toxic behavioural synapses in the patients brain are by now too ingrained and rigid for any sort of plasticity and ""rewiring"" to occur. This the patient should be informed about and must understand. I'd recommend any ethical or altruistic potential partner to stay away and consider this patient radioactive. For their own and the patients wellbeing and mental health, and the sparing of long-term hurt by a clueless but helpful friend or partner.

The patient needs regular medical check ups, likely for life, to help her cope with the conditions she has built around herself. She needs supervision to prevent drug use and to protect unwary people falling victims to the patients natural inclination for toxic manipulation and discreet undermining.",17.580325630252098,13.692878958333335,15.095322128851542,38.74323529411768,47.40686274509804,18.32380952380953,61.740896358543424,15.719379583869454,9.519107282913163,2117,133,241,68,14,668,236,408,0.08199999999999999,0.779,0.139,0.9836,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,1,3,8,15,1,1,32,0,13,6,1,6,1,61,29,32,0,6,10,0,1,2,6,2,5,2,0,6,8,26,0,5,5,1,1,10,5,6,0,0,5,4,14,9,65,20,5,49,0,3,1,0,34,17,0,9,22,175,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958966359329605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953741631052699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525277282608677,0.0,0.0,0.08997607908230734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690744220755168,0.0,0.0,0.1952813093814396,0.0,0.10130859647864307,0.0824946349606907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646201250824501,0.0,0.0,0.12352335157581923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802139743115484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105910631051104,0.0,0.0,0.21544956346028532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806876755587608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842258125470652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196762084487728,0.0,0.0,0.09186825933660506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179565054331532,0.0,0.0,0.19257144068055407,0.10118290244015077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30756108192625065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764293655700745,0.0935736609771817,0.0,0.0,0.3390024855173935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941850469292072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647499515611828,0.28953128744946405,0.0,0.09669718733309453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201976594862165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938311495877008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278530852207765,0.16723978524102784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455818055748401,0.20563544816241366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615761842057774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818924674624493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041493741570076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867505153154584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951770390772432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602815718137,0.05584240240753117,0.0,0.09077574687427836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969663617771342,0.0,0.08271178364434971,0.10547362150628084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755360167638515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231579625469914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fictionalalex,2019/02/18,"Setting healthy boundaries with your partner Hi all!

Romantic relationships are a struggle!! People with emotional problems, like BPD, have unique challenges. For me, I worry that my mood swings will hurt my partner or stress them out. 

Would love to hear your experiences with setting boundaries with your partner (esp if you live together). Im talking about boundaries that keep your relationship healthy. What worked for you and what didnt?

",6.947162426614482,10.278039136986301,4.964814090019573,78.04178082191783,68.58904109589041,7.4590998043052865,37.82583170254403,8.418075326091056,3.638383170254404,359,20,53,6,7,102,55,73,0.157,0.636,0.207,0.5386,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,6,1,2,1,8,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,8,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,3,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,11,3,9,5,1,3,0,1,0,1,16,1,0,2,1,34,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739358989055592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24466024632212444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127584924744457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451403324060584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328401718237761,0.0,0.2349392639087671,0.0,0.0,0.19332559049198164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626039141713244,0.0,0.1920580712849892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196303863339688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507883597868571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811984516231807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670310637157599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24914757323366385,0.22738010259168545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481970534876473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834389841603774,0.22088363231574265,0.0,0.15450703592918605,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jaylee143,2019/02/18,"Anxiety and EMDR Hi, I probably should have made a throw away account, but my name is Jaylee.  I’m diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, anxiety and depression. I’m having a very hard time right now with anxiety/stress and have been having panic attack a lot more than I’ve ever had in my life(I rarely ever had them, maybe like once every few months). My PTSD is also really bad, it’s been ten years since the initial trauma, it’s only getting worse.  I was told I need EMDR, it’s interesting to say the least. But I’m not too excited to have someone in my head. Anyone ever do EMDR? What is it really? Did it help? How long did it take? Did it last? Etc. any info would help. I really appreciate it. Thanks. ",0.38771052631579295,2.8212057785714286,2.9608270676691752,86.95890977443611,91.21428571428572,6.375939849624063,16.654135338345867,7.669130373188453,0.6973571428571432,539,13,108,12,19,186,91,140,0.213,0.65,0.13699999999999998,-0.9139,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,0,7,9,1,1,5,0,19,2,1,2,3,19,28,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,0,1,10,2,9,4,8,16,5,14,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,10,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068692181424844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412396705767392,0.0,0.21176748900641607,0.0,0.0,0.09677992284264854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746206044271344,0.13004133252192535,0.0,0.11556708524737085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432332903206454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921286312104287,0.14048386451854986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436442710968856,0.0,0.3756009864717505,0.1166169159044996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231383561334277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398872779085066,0.0,0.14204922631000044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554744036547968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282312770682194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776351331694116,0.06762043693466725,0.0,0.0,0.12248904207250337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767175845733137,0.0,0.13096747409740253,0.0,0.0,0.13905207019383664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047803537816228,0.0,0.0,0.10262972001434048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740279174315307,0.0,0.10526751258667323,0.0,0.16239503887851098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492300570146118,0.0,0.3235892129651597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660081597481237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182019121564048,0.0,0.11006967943167108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144946941323364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727486811406505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854889614641512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406755989184084,0.0,0.0,0.12742990169910173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070834486639537,0.0,0.0,0.13225727767985412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420325600783955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410522452641909,0.09832293237089826,0.0,0.0,0.08913190050964462
bpd,DisFeelingsRKillinMe,2019/02/18,"Scared of turning physical aggressive SO and I are fighting a lot lately. The last big fight he started to say a lot of heart breaking things to me and wouldn't listen to me, until I snapped and started to hit him several times while yelling ""you don't understand, why can't you understand? Why nobody understands me?"". After I was done he finally shut up and then said ""I always knew this day would come, when you would finally hit me"". He looked happy that I did that, he always has argued that I never show how I am truly feeling and he hates that.

The thing is, I never ever wanted to do this, I don't like loosing control, specially turning physical. But now, when I get stressed I remember the feeling of hitting him and he finally listening to me, and then I want to hit him again, but I absolutely don't like this. I think he might still like if I snap again and hit him, but I don't like where this is going. But I never felt so empowered and noticed before. Can this be any healthy if he likes it? I am scared.",3.7482352941176487,4.966608725490199,4.984588235294119,83.54864705882355,72.0392156862745,8.381176470588235,28.796078431372557,8.841846274778883,2.2279396078431373,796,31,160,15,15,264,105,204,0.132,0.7929999999999999,0.075,-0.8556,1,0,0,0,5,0,27.0,0,3,0,1,11,15,5,3,5,0,21,1,1,2,4,39,48,24,0,7,6,0,3,5,0,4,0,5,0,0,12,10,0,1,9,1,0,2,9,8,0,0,6,9,30,7,13,32,2,31,0,0,1,0,22,4,0,5,29,115,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594852965781536,0.0,0.0,0.07598509767762766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508008988465101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625166596860896,0.0,0.0,0.12532272160326285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720612218046916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434590485071545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107265463138804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299532675032067,0.0,0.10728519243978897,0.36720777802877896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058378052203822535,0.0,0.06350280071122773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894628025475774,0.0,0.11031730848764207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240906779641828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108069546033208,0.12604437884166986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729456516816903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383106927775346,0.0,0.0,0.1899898684635722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853546478861755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25853574914178185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721349264010842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657641583671322,0.0,0.10628762286149472,0.08885787121399069,0.2237367716245991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623118150867674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817626818146455,0.0,0.08923343707994676,0.0,0.12799453462244587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846640285432852,0.07159665778535887,0.0,0.0,0.06515483420195174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24307587908721104,0.0,0.34896695990510496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181093918061834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016508072874925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874973938520087,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mchu24,2019/02/18,"What is the path to creating a healthy relationship (for those with BPD)? I've been emotionally exhausted these days. I came to the realization that I may have BPD after extensively reading up on it for weeks. I had been ruminating over the quality of all of my past relationships and how my relationship with my father impacted my life (he passed away last year).

Based on research off of the infonet, BPD individuals tend to couple up with nice guys or people with NPD. According to my personal experience, I ended up with controlling and non-respecting men.

It's frustrating to be stuck in this loop or pattern despite my best efforts to break out of it. My father was verbally and emotionally abusive, alcoholic, domineering, emotionally unavailable, neglectful and lacked empathy. He pretty much ruined all of my siblings' childhoods. The damage he caused still affects us all in our adult lives to this day. Since I was a child, I tried so hard to understand where he was coming from. I wanted to understand how my own father can reasonably treat us the way he did. It was only until last year I realized that he was suffering from a mental illness. I suspect it was a co-occurrence of NPD and BPD at the same time.

My mother, on the other end, has an extremely high tolerance for pain and abuse. I don't even understand how she can go through everything she went through in her life without holding a grudge. She is forgiving to a fault. She was pretty much blind to the abuse being inflicted onto the children and simply put herself in a situation where she was absent from home almost 7 days on 7 to financially support the household.

28 years later, I find myself looking back at a total of 3 romantic relationships that lasted about 3 years each.

My first two ex-boyfriends were douchebags who needed to sow their wild oats despite being in an exclusive relationship. I was basically a clingy girlfriend who re-enacted my mother's ways of tolerating and adapting to my then-boyfriends' inattentive and selfish behavior. I was in school during this time.

The worst breakup was with my last ex. We lived together. During the first year, he was the nice guy who was eager to please. Throughout the course of our relationship (particularly after moving in together), the criticism and unempathetic behavior started trickling in. At the very end, I only realized that he was a narcissist on the day my father died and how he acted afterward. At this point, we were no longer together but still living together. From the day my dad died, he talked to me with a cold tone, did not inquire about my well-being, rolled out coercive controlling tactics during my last days at the apartment when I was moving out. He made everything about him despite what I was going through. I won't get into the details but it was nasty how it went down. I'm still traumatized about it.

Fast forward to 8-9 months later, I began dating again. One guy happened to be a genuinely empathetic nice guy. The idealization phase waned and I broke it off. I think I might subconsciously have domineering side and I need to date a guy who is domineering in order to suppress that dark side of mine, which might be the reason why I can't stand nice guys for too long. However, he keeps clinging hopelessly. I don't understand why he's so persistent.

At the moment, I'm now seeing another guy who is almost the male version of me. I suspect he has BPD and I don't think I can continue this.

Relationships seem kinda hopeless to me at this point. I'm wondering what other people think about dating/relationships as a person who identifies with BPD? If you were able to successfully transition to a healthy relationship, how did you do it? I don't think we all fit into a particular pattern. Your parents definitely play a role in who you're attracted to. Contrary to the stereotype about the nice guy/BPD pairing, I like assholes (and not proud of it).

**TLDR**:

* I sorta became my father (BPD without NPD)
* I tend to not be attracted to nice guys (probably because of my experience with my mother being an overbearing ""nice girl"" and my father being an asshole)
* I find myself always dating a guy resembling my father (overly-critical, controlling, etc.).
* What's your take on relationships with BPD? If you transitioning into a healthy relationship, how did you do it?",5.437976140435158,7.533124403530897,6.3568786404852,71.90630376909067,69.15132408575032,9.927732740847496,32.007225925258716,10.217700943298569,3.7359524369983386,3464,154,577,97,63,1145,352,793,0.105,0.794,0.10099999999999999,0.4837,2,0,1,0,2,2,111.0,7,6,1,11,26,32,1,0,50,0,57,7,0,15,5,104,92,34,2,7,11,13,1,1,1,4,7,0,1,17,39,38,1,7,20,2,0,12,12,13,0,4,33,5,83,19,111,47,15,113,0,7,3,0,87,48,0,13,51,404,122,5,0.04058305021044261,0.1442528349296834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337093858128432,0.08127612515260205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03376834881545749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425548666469821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03812911158503175,0.031205860569640163,0.0,0.024739050730032252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042589407420632185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600163795672743,0.0,0.0,0.04641619799281018,0.0,0.041689971681802634,0.0,0.03495870428745043,0.0,0.0,0.13655202497344132,0.0,0.04490437315590316,0.0,0.15703626020255135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423759776224861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369514074725716,0.10783361039692063,0.0,0.0452608286294856,0.02680472191613516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729468574379241,0.07939602076520642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741843453367989,0.06903984355428336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021202968731329375,0.0,0.04612856534270728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40183600166403133,0.03588745727351287,0.0,0.0363544416651251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042878220711403715,0.040708108300731564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03607207970556278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654030123453402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733001709403272,0.019826828403775545,0.0,0.10750673055530324,0.035914722362128115,0.034079541074396064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840066336622372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089816937684758,0.0861044059740686,0.0,0.0,0.032393003493091765,0.08626671961186462,0.05966642290056098,0.06018363501016232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027500125120190583,0.0617304768546457,0.043183226741699526,0.0,0.045062674578503964,0.0,0.03874111349371594,0.0562703542667124,0.07087110816507887,0.0,0.04454800226981274,0.0767282000998863,0.0,0.0,0.08257510386786561,0.04375539211574468,0.0,0.0,0.04079717457517667,0.0,0.0,0.04059403256018692,0.0,0.0,0.08345226942760575,0.0,0.4792810895780023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107221343861386,0.03233943671249938,0.036945284718816765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03357071850774742,0.04561704879968605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028724891818764375,0.0,0.09722902896396764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605316444790701,0.0,0.0,0.030513403135337423,0.032619118500533915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401591961242262,0.0,0.0,0.04732860587590743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027553227151510536,0.0,0.03964374310776992,0.16899354602882818,0.09763282508796997,0.0,0.0,0.033485266624461,0.02393693448469329,0.06442587254310174,0.032553274946964667,0.0,0.0364890359675849,0.07524178825852389,0.07323978105052413,0.0,0.0,0.07824122438668539,0.0440105867962062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067076883979128
bpd,codrut2,2019/02/18,"my sad love story with a BPD When it all started she was so fragile an delicate. We started dating, going to concerts, traveling and after a few months I moved at her place. I sold my apartment with the plan to buy a new one (maybe larger). When we met she had a regular look and she was beautiful. She was a former motorcycle owner which she sold at the request of her ex. Then suddenly changes started to happen. First she bought a motorcycle. I bought one too cause I was also a former motorcycle owner too so we can ride together. Then she told me her dream is to start mountain climbing. I learned that her ex boyfriend started also to do mountain climbing while she was still in a relationship with him. So we went to start learning how to climb. First she started and I watched her every move and I was proud of her. Then I started too but I was older and afraid of heights so I progressed slower. Then she colored her hair in blue. In these 11 months she got two more tattoos (she already had a lot of tattoos on the body). I have just one tattoo from many years ago. Then this climbing became obsession. We spent a lot of money (like really a lot) on a private climbing instructor. And every weekend too. We didn't had time to enjoy our relationship. We started to plan holidays to summit 6000 m (20,000 ft) mountains, none of them materialized cause we broke up but we still have some plane tickets bought. We had been on two major holidays within this 11 months on two continents (places very far away). She said we cannot travel too close cause this is lame, we need to travel as far as possible and visit not frequently visited places and climb mountain tops. I loved her, I loved some parts of our time together but now I realized I was mad and everything was such in a rush. We didn't had time to enjoy one another.

When it all started she was so fragile an delicate. We started dating, going to concerts, traveling and after a few months I moved at her place. I sold my apartment with the plan to buy a new one (maybe larger). When we met she had a regular look and she was beautiful. She was a former motorcycle owner which she sold at the request of her ex. Then suddenly changes started to happen. First she bought a motorcycle. I bought one too cause I was also a former motorcycle owner too so we can ride together. Then she told me her dream is to start mountain climbing. I learned that her ex boyfriend started also to do mountain climbing while she was still in a relationship with him. So we went to start learning how to climb. First she started and I watched her every move and I was proud of her. Then I started too but I was older and afraid of heights so I progressed slower. Then she colored her hair in blue. In these 11 months she got two more tattoos (she already had a lot of tattoos on the body). I have just one tattoo from many years ago. Then this climbing became obsession. We spent a lot of money (like really a lot) on a private climbing instructor. And every weekend too. We didn't had time to enjoy our relationship. We started to plan holidays to summit 6000 m (20,000 ft) mountains, none of them materialized cause we broke up but we still have some plane tickets bought. We had been on two major holidays within this 11 months on two continents (places very far away). She said we cannot travel too close cause this is lame, we need to travel as far as possible and visit not frequently visited places and climb mountain tops. I loved her, I loved some parts of our time together but now I realized I was mad and everything was such in a rush. We didn't had time to enjoy one another.

How it ended? First, I never expected to end. Not like this. Not so sudden. All happened in one week. In one week we started to fight (and we never had a fight before, not serious). We had discussions in the middle of the night and she told me from words like she started to dream with me how it is to have a family and maybe a kid (she didn't wanted kids cause of her illness, I did) to how I don't inspire her anymore cause I don't do things for her (only climbing which was her main activity now). She told me that because we did only things she liked she started to feel guilty and eventually suffocated. But... I really had no choice with her. She always fought about her two hobbies, motorcycles and climbing. She wanted to do what she loves. My previous hobby was cycling but this paled in comparison with climbing.

Then after this week we broke and I moved. She went that weekend to a rock concert in a different country where we were supposed to go together. When she got back she found the house empty (that was the deal).

So I moved and started to lick my wounds.

Immediately next weekend I received pictures with her on a top of a mountain with a mountain rescuer. I learned that she liked his pictures since about a couple of months. I learned that she quit her job and accepted a better offer where she can work from home. I contacted her and she told me that she is OK, happy, now has more freedom to do the hobbies she likes:motorcycles and climbing and she might now live half of the week in our city and the other half in a different city close to the mountains, Probably with this mountain rescuer she picked up of Facebook. Everything happened in one week after we broke.

So, what happened here? Any comments?",3.122302771429428,5.424138407550823,4.087209908084752,84.72722527719286,76.34753146176186,6.97034560533328,27.0096007025878,7.982075386615183,1.809466031277133,4217,169,799,70,97,1359,268,1033,0.065,0.82,0.114,0.9956,5,0,0,0,2,0,125.0,38,0,2,35,54,40,5,4,52,1,69,12,4,14,5,140,141,80,0,5,15,4,5,6,0,1,2,5,1,2,32,77,0,0,12,23,16,43,19,17,0,25,73,19,166,23,118,67,25,208,0,7,8,6,158,59,0,11,112,596,198,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056102273181696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539215277155949,0.10926999319932387,0.02842360536924769,0.0,0.0,0.02322976615418323,0.07163884397931244,0.0,0.0,0.033877241618330674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418832183330547,0.026266699354669115,0.0,0.0208234349568895,0.0,0.029067387177808032,0.0,0.0,0.030211477089351107,0.0,0.0758874478695484,0.04302294405156444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28073135809263944,0.07227286253830903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779705631779612,0.0,0.0,0.035217148885089505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137922817180183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051070691894497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512407607824955,0.0,0.09210160230546503,0.0,0.032202723316888004,0.0,0.01727216978822357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528110914348855,0.0,0.037454345900915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824123107333393,0.0,0.08196189356762065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103654147003154,0.03636363391872699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034264962494670134,0.0,0.0,0.03941570534072508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033898229524244816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013221837155536,0.0,0.03016363933517944,0.0,0.05737108627711725,0.0,0.0,0.17424812302527018,0.18498276779300846,0.0,0.0,0.06926514477312029,0.10295402461772493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362380415657179,0.0,0.0,0.19086161634103568,0.21783811889772686,0.0,0.050657966741703635,0.05269213024322127,0.06598329874612419,0.036329226556858316,0.032056562708544664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546224510775525,0.0519599795347043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398324859984193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141376845154055,0.0,0.0,0.07701985423726421,0.0,0.0,0.03682993222651503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03633304382389423,0.0,0.0,0.06565073210595973,0.0,0.0,0.14669892777735533,0.0,0.0,0.06498739093898677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028257255338156363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53192502433099,0.0,0.1091199163970544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045388371213139295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951276831258575,0.0,0.0,0.16320527750436567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335834307235947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056370656997125415,0.04029655007774716,0.0,0.13700424702815092,0.0,0.0,0.09499914735649488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024868667121312246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399545132746635
bpd,MrFartbox,2019/04/10,Isolated In the hospital for what must be the 9th or 10th time over suicide. In a room with no tv and no outlets to charge my phone. No friends or family to visit me or even call. Waiting list to get into a psychiatric facility is 2+ weeks long. Want to die more than when I came In here.,1.965737704918034,3.3655931147540983,4.063081967213115,87.66183606557377,76.86885245901641,8.158688524590165,25.31475409836065,8.841846274778883,1.7179547540983604,224,8,51,5,5,77,50,61,0.245,0.693,0.062,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,7,5,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,12,4,1,12,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,4,34,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416308520608097,0.3826561211958375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472282717290872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097869626784453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154004888021917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25848604150658244,0.0,0.17479772414414232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29608173325712983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659625721400581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950890155726086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733659582912053,0.0,0.26836988943723183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lily_plox,2019/04/10,"Do I have BPD? I’ve recently seen a psychiatrist about my possible ADHD, he assessed me and then came to a conclusion that I do have ADHD and possibly BPD. I’ve been reading up on BPD and some symptoms resonates to me but others don’t. 
- I have mood swings throughout the day (mainly depressed) 
- I was a self harmer since I was 13/14  (I’m 22) and have been clean for 1 year up until 2 months ago where I had a significant event destroy me and I felt worthless and stupid. I’ve been fighting urges to do it again but it gets tough everyday. 
- suicidal for as long as I can remember, I want to die but same time I don’t. 
- I lost my best friend of 7 years because my inability to keep the relationship stable (I’m always fighting and breaking promises and shit), we are talking again because I reached out to him but idk if he’ll want to pursue the friendship again which hurts me. 
- I have a boyfriend, we’ve been together for 10 months now, it’s been good although I’m hyper sensitive and feel like he’s going to leave me one day so I try to keep him entertained so he doesn’t leave me and with any fight I feel like it’s the end of us and I can’t manage without him. 
- my moods are more intense at home with my family, I’m not very close to them but I try everything to make sure they aren’t mad at me when they don’t talk to me, I also have a really bad temper where I can just snap at someone for triggering me over the slightest thing. 
- I am hyper sensitive I take everything to heart and believe people either love or hate me, mainly hate me. 
- im more depressed than anything, I cry randomly then I’m ok or happy, then I’m depressed and crying again. 
- I’ve got some friends where I message out of the blue in hopes we’re still friends because I don’t want them to just leave my life. 
- I do feel this emptiness inside of me, it’s literal emptiness I can’t even explain it. I don’t feel shit sometimes. 
- I don’t really indulge in much risk taking behaviours, I speed a lot even in my work car where I know I shouldn’t, I have unprotected sex (in my mind I know it’s wrong but I ignore it), I don’t care about myself much either, always thinking of jumping in front of cars or trucks when I’m crossing the road. 

Sorry the post is long I just want people’s thoughts on this? Like, I’m scared of being alone but same time I’d rather b alone but I don’t want the people around me to leave me. I’m more depressed than anything, my moods are intense when I’m depressed or angry or really happy. I know nobody here is a doctor, I will see my psychiatrist again next week but I want some help to see if I do sound like I’ve got BPD. 
Thanks guys!",1.8613600503722367,3.625466956442836,3.422370458165118,90.55427793621989,78.16515426497276,6.458031778954776,23.40460757805845,7.369714342285796,0.8479781547464715,2067,67,452,27,49,683,242,551,0.231,0.603,0.166,-0.9939,1,2,0,0,5,1,58.0,2,0,4,4,27,47,11,2,17,1,43,8,3,2,1,80,91,42,2,11,24,0,5,4,3,3,3,1,2,2,14,21,0,3,13,2,0,7,15,25,0,1,15,10,75,19,53,72,16,63,0,8,4,2,28,22,2,13,36,277,89,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042100962868047,0.0,0.05916245415993896,0.0,0.0,0.13824846196167673,0.0,0.05337328096603866,0.11106881448584542,0.0,0.0,0.04538661710945429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984539797376017,0.059414226982900185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572649785749168,0.12205528841991048,0.0,0.0,0.07519499514178236,0.07004125398187902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362351348058133,0.0,0.0,0.07633467825412031,0.0680475699293415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466251579644938,0.08608569791842133,0.0,0.2874224675252585,0.0,0.06926730538202731,0.0,0.0,0.06831291655505707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911330031744622,0.0,0.0,0.08816447325032041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996620001137652,0.0,0.06291809669388734,0.0,0.13498635356454805,0.09536050972370996,0.0640824595822359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546933216428641,0.0,0.0348697624133047,0.0,0.03793082313964143,0.055979737427874925,0.10675880409152112,0.0,0.0,0.06608473598526395,0.0,0.14209547512646126,0.0,0.13178714231878538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790891878219592,0.044735527489758176,0.0,0.06694732623192375,0.06628952720209606,0.0,0.0,0.0714483268477771,0.0,0.07209244515518641,0.0,0.0,0.11864610706407447,0.0,0.0,0.11003841180059384,0.0,0.0,0.2826791225806258,0.0,0.0,0.047141607869887185,0.1304264142648043,0.0,0.0,0.11812853678897915,0.0,0.0,0.07285640540486743,0.05674137217810413,0.060236953441138115,0.0,0.04455057595451985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739005015750654,0.0,0.10654511167471213,0.0,0.09812559821022183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098051201526276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045225875745423305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388107893561276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048238587038848,0.06392006067473405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675972071213464,0.0,0.12826924822538396,0.0,0.06589933695403878,0.07165556490330087,0.0756052896719436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682004430732565,0.0,0.10636892305356478,0.0,0.06962610664355595,0.0,0.13701870868758226,0.05520939040387337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654999148509497,0.0,0.06600920779685211,0.07471182355789129,0.0,0.0,0.05329997546743391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730045428518432,0.0,0.06290322419653081,0.06937013911559352,0.1003628436407068,0.10728883550768087,0.0,0.061446753016356125,0.0,0.0,0.04434019291885037,0.042765360479065005,0.0,0.05298542250444329,0.07783519671975465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062641148674186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028199866009512,0.0,0.0,0.055068858815786666,0.2361957598373809,0.0,0.0535361334329748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433657804858553,0.0,0.04858872298437735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729715273505505,0.0,0.08595888097641319
bpd,purplefennec,2019/04/10,"DAE find dressing really stressful, because you can't decide on your style/identity? One minute I think I have some good outfits and that my look is 'sport chic' then I will see someone on the street dressed grungey etc, and I will immediately love their look and think mine is awful and tacky. I will then spend money buying clothes to look like that, then I will see someone dressed sport chic and think 'oh god I look disgusting what was I thinking'. I think it's obviously because of the lack of identity and also idealising other people. It means I always hate how I look, except for maybe a day or two when I'm wearing a new look and the novelty hasn't worn off. It's resulted in me getting into a lot of credit card debt and having consistent clothes breakdowns. I will cry over it and think there is no point in being alive if I can't always look my best. How do other people manage to look so good and immaculate all the time (is what I scream to myself). I think it also just adds fuel to the constant ""I don't know who I am"" narrative.",4.6800618131868115,5.5292688605769245,5.4648626373626366,82.34442307692308,69.52884615384616,8.250549450549451,28.31868131868132,8.418075326091056,1.893152747252748,825,28,164,12,14,269,121,208,0.121,0.733,0.145,0.4931,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,1,1,8,10,2,1,8,1,19,2,1,3,2,35,43,21,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,12,12,0,0,11,2,5,0,5,4,0,2,2,11,25,6,16,35,6,17,0,0,10,1,5,9,0,4,9,112,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074051317470986,0.16724902343479167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252840960371987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546913085230013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860539521350744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039513923892133,0.0648145430164526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208468364117688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185568547883456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052507391368363215,0.0,0.0,0.1685901926708923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922349021240204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523247606797902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909949412188521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6751612280419866,0.0,0.0,0.08544197693176395,0.09070567363444093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096631451397836,0.10947456586692496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706406114682377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810177624943706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934885965063004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500550801836276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438322824673799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160171859102596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030758624570058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512304485541262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507768780146991,0.0,0.0,0.058602681141846774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981744377894961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cclylh,2019/04/10,"DAE have a FP who is not their partner or ex-partner? I say this as someone recently diagnosed (hello) and, reading this subreddit, can definitely identify with FP and can think of people in my life this fitted with. Almost none have been partners and most never would have been, being in inappropriate categories I.E teachers at school.",10.037401129943504,9.70220923728814,9.680000000000003,60.69028248587573,58.322033898305094,12.612429378531074,41.700564971751426,11.855464076750405,5.349876836158192,271,13,40,7,3,88,47,59,0.0,0.953,0.047,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,1,12,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,7,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,2,33,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361749071589488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34074855253775843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371288387311901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25892782323834024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23274585354426905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358106726054049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314828227369075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669778773040843,0.0,0.3397663831442265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28445431577409097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511570619972756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384857293146831,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amzelindistress,2019/04/10,"Back and forth between feeling too much and feeling nothing at all. I cried myself to sleep around 7:30 PM last night. Had multiple anxiety-inducing dreams. Woke up around 2:30-ish to look at my phone to see if someone had messaged me to check in on me. They hadn't. My head is foggy so I can't remember the exact time but I remember it being around then. I laid in bed, tossed and turned. Eventually broke down into hysterical sobbing and crying. Intrusive thoughts ran rampant through my head. I did a few things I'm not too comfortable with talking about on here. Managed to get some more sleep. Woke up again around 6 AM and I've been in a weird mood ever since. I keep cycling through feeling too much to feeling nothing at all. I feel foggy and distant and disconnected from everything including myself. It's like I'm spiraling down into an abyss of nothingness. Sometimes I have this heavy weight on my chest that makes it feel like it's hard for me to breathe. 

The cause of all of this? My favorite person is moving and we won't really be able to talk or do things we normally do for a week or so. The result is this madness. I feel like someone who is close to her is trying to keep us apart and my mind is cycling through every abandonment scenario that it possibly can. I feel sick. I can't concentrate or focus on anything else but these scenarios. 

I hate it. I fucking hate it.",2.5968871903004747,5.095549003690039,3.5551225619399065,86.81272601476017,79.25830258302581,6.823458091723776,27.39074855034265,7.957251820313856,1.9104896151818669,1104,48,212,20,28,353,157,271,0.15,0.769,0.08,-0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,3,0,1,0,14,13,4,0,7,0,21,9,6,3,5,51,45,18,0,2,7,0,10,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,16,19,1,3,11,1,1,2,6,8,0,0,9,12,29,4,42,33,8,32,0,3,2,1,11,22,2,5,11,150,45,1,0.10176788048823844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374629445643875,0.362379958712535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825321833908394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454364651427864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235744761296167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501400557871977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920548742227248,0.0857438285240355,0.0,0.09146240895201382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116551852602157,0.14540598830996307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408276564559746,0.05316951724073603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116403166859784,0.20094942582552328,0.20888641083032855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809119362592084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295440537598578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491559377370591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545938871447199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793085046644205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275654853147106,0.0,0.0,0.1081631514394352,0.14962220344252325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095502261892923,0.09971091551152506,0.1952980520467591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885978787219041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472799434546575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519511015627681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305663402610073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109582481722223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418344238013035,0.0,0.2036827520688841,0.0,0.17245518977685956,0.0,0.10065103600083387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635943348752946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522011557823774,0.0,0.0,0.0807923295251006,0.0593416695083077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909371063239331,0.11069423058866863,0.0,0.0,0.12241422987872122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163205518374304,0.12392586200804635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AD0LF-H1PST3R,2019/04/10,"DAE ever experience intense thoughts about murdering people? Hi, hello, been a lurker for a while.

For a long time, I’ve always experienced these thoughts about murdering other people. It’s always intense, and is very obsessive. Sometimes, it’s over people I care about, but more often than not, just random people on the street (especially those who piss me off like my current manager at work, mostly because she harasses me a lot). Doesn’t help with the anger outburst shit. 

I would never ever want to actually kill anyone... I could never do it. But I feel like such a monster... I can’t tell anyone about it without most likely being labeled as a “psychopath,” which I don’t want to live with folks calling me that...

As a kid, my entire school labeled me a psychopath, and of course treated me like a monster... It had a lot of negative repercussions as a child... Every teacher and every student was terrified of me... not even knowing all the shit and traumas I was enduring at the time that warped me... making me less personal to approach and know... plus, I never spoke, hoping people would leave me alone...
I don’t want to go through that pain again.

I just want to be treated like a person... not some sorta beast... growing up being treated like that really distorted my view on myself and filled me with a lot more self loathing...

I dunno...
I just feel so alone...
I’m terrified of myself...
Even though I know I’d never do it, I’m scared I will...

Just so scared...",3.9928582640087877,5.962382104693142,4.953887929681368,80.99642913200441,72.71841155234657,7.272264950557213,27.56694396484068,8.04050195162591,1.9431822005964523,1141,43,203,17,23,372,148,277,0.23800000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.1,-0.9933,1,2,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,0,0,1,18,24,8,3,17,0,18,4,3,1,7,53,36,16,3,8,10,0,2,6,0,3,1,1,0,5,15,10,0,0,7,0,0,4,13,13,0,0,7,5,30,11,32,22,10,24,0,0,1,0,13,8,3,11,18,153,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.09753178005605376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702549587215546,0.0,0.0,0.16632428360207493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397675598329488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092546769394443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205489112602116,0.0,0.10190046028448586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979784950795524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202529369198052,0.18081172143991733,0.168415734301799,0.0,0.0,0.09776526494377777,0.0,0.0,0.10107026286636496,0.07140063814107807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680097527233319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699094246876279,0.0,0.0,0.09926781134063496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057419530331812,0.0,0.16478126732662918,0.0,0.0,0.10582719094043598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29296810291621844,0.0,0.08825315504631698,0.08844806863807933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549086740992788,0.0,0.0,0.06671397965303437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083345937406309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634839284992488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34644595789214866,0.17453601830016233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402724568554913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012450931654052,0.10114954855302148,0.0,0.0,0.10426430102003953,0.0,0.20518395436234546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988480362266861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735622535165287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819533151233692,0.15869013242286628,0.1165573198324682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246498833825926,0.23580030528315166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634329224522033,0.0,0.07276105879878764,0.0,0.0,0.14199594223115644,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cornersofthebowl,2019/04/10,"I don't want to tell my parents. I very recently went to my doctor for help with my topsy-turvy and weird/confusing life and was subsequently diagnosed with BPD and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I can't even beging to express how great felt to have something solid to work from and a general direction to go. My wife thinks I should share this with my family and let them be my support through this.

I don't think I want to. 12-13 years ago, I was required to have a psychological evaluation done, specifically looking for pathological lying and criminal deviancy. I wasn't allowed to know the results of these tests, but found out recently the psychiatrist told my parents I was likely autistic with potential personality disorders. He couldnt say for sure since the evaluations weren't for those things, but the markers were there. They chose not to tell me because they didnt want to add to what I was already going through.

13 years. 13 years or confusion, angst, social ineptitude, and instability. 13 years I could have been on the road to recovery. 13 years, cutting my social development in half right through my high school career. I want to scream. I want to break things. One thing I don't want to do: tell my parents.",6.039168502202648,7.549932572687229,6.473521475770927,73.92015005506606,66.88546255506608,10.256497797356829,33.13023127753304,10.411451182825502,3.634991409691629,982,43,176,26,16,318,131,227,0.113,0.845,0.042,-0.8806,4,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,2,3,8,1,1,7,0,23,4,0,3,1,38,40,11,0,9,4,4,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,8,13,0,1,5,0,0,3,9,3,0,2,14,4,28,5,32,21,0,18,0,0,1,0,19,6,0,2,9,114,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945653622806718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772400660295748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503112337935188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435969562910988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517528043981805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827793033967116,0.0,0.0,0.24452899029876304,0.1091914761516536,0.0,0.1091706542425178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046111821749476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056838737255544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024295068938178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169690876850011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125737793457288,0.0,0.0,0.11761505047440785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150533939057775,0.11271325208874496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058628525047219715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908750354724164,0.07535122215616097,0.05211844780211922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958431204598813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228911283437899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553664668419296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931488404589368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106672132385784,0.0,0.0,0.09110411686316593,0.0,0.0848361989674531,0.0,0.10796583137877294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824677878850719,0.0,0.0,0.21749360260528094,0.0,0.0821274576610211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105917288029737,0.10054461514876066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797290041663042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262030792183872,0.1367124425174616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193728901615512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802215287114122,0.3775356839964383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889340680285584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766429329235232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434920354554832
bpd,grecianurns,2019/04/10,"DAE just struggle to fight impulsivity during a manic episode? This has probably been my biggest struggle since my diagnosis. When I get my paycheck, I’ll immediately blow it on things I “HAVE” to buy and end up broke til my next one. Or if I go into a store sometimes I fill my pockets with little things without even full realizing it. My only effective coping mechanism is smoking enough weed until all I wanna do is sleep.",5.25416666666667,6.969516750000004,6.720000000000002,70.63166666666669,69.0,8.833333333333334,33.333333333333336,9.2995712137729,3.311583333333333,340,16,57,7,6,116,64,80,0.125,0.836,0.039,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,2,2,0,6,1,1,1,1,11,8,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,11,0,10,7,3,13,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,5,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151303119620796,0.25097247493371194,0.0,0.16042794542395164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269011005261686,0.0,0.13804118144628835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434417005323936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25831851057324456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645899773083671,0.18473039195885668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618787719682641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092286028760564,0.0,0.24306752004828175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402265038400417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078471340156969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32273344522690545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23413932282309124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mindfulavocado,2019/04/10,"old FP is seeing a new girl i never post here but i’m such a mess today. i’ve been doing pretty well the last few months. my ex and i broke up in Dec17 and last saw each other/hooked up Oct18. i’ve been doing fine but still look at his social media often. it took me an entire year to be anything less than obsessed with him and miserable without him, just waiting around for him to want me back. it was the hardest heartbreak i’ve ever experienced and i thought about him 24/7. i was in denial for months. these last few months i’ve made a lot of progress until i saw today that he’s seeing someone new and i had a complete meltdown. it makes me feel like i’m at square one again. does this happen to y’all? i feel pathetic. i wish i didn’t care so much.. feels ridiculous of me, it’s been so long.",0.6830834976988811,2.792899165680474,2.315453648915188,95.1845677186062,83.97041420118343,4.465614727153189,18.2646285338593,5.46131890053228,-0.4806807363576593,625,15,138,3,18,204,110,169,0.146,0.7140000000000001,0.14,-0.4986,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,13,10,1,2,7,0,11,0,0,2,2,25,30,10,0,2,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,12,10,20,4,19,17,6,28,0,3,6,0,10,7,0,2,20,90,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943034560603193,0.12919724983249736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159668581972138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797060130372036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216696303284374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700500825609012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127918691206694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201475959260908,0.10368152734255316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833875500031022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35490310471289666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709036155320866,0.0,0.0,0.1284362589137579,0.1218733843174228,0.0,0.0,0.12338508147624468,0.0,0.13732634469047644,0.09687598718458984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475262435568892,0.0,0.1066878933776078,0.0,0.11193387917769228,0.2803366102490952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229044149882506,0.0,0.09834443809656243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899526203848106,0.14765027713797987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130103720983025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794265207554996,0.12296892089546432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590170563885208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521770485640065,0.0,0.0,0.2751342028856333,0.0,0.1612457441171489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560195131341555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304900877081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689334582540116,0.13990098617126415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345952631873712
bpd,wfbswimx,2019/04/10,"need some insight from BPD community Ok- I (38M) was in a relationship with someone (33F) that displays characteristics of quiet BPD (qBPD).  She left me pretty suddenly close to 6 weeks ago.  Leaving the relationship and with help from my therapist (specializes in trauma), I began to understand the situation better.  We had a relationship of near complete bliss for 10 months.  She integrated herself into the lives of myself and my daughter (I'm windowed) for 10 months.  We went on a trip to Disney together for my daughter's 6th birthday, and it went amazingly.  My daughter and my ex were even joking about us getting married.  That was my the moment in my mind that I decided I was going to save for the ring.

Literally the day following our return from Disney, my ex went cold.  One word replies to texts.  Booked up her weekend with laying around her apartment (seemed depressed) and visiting her local friends (we live 30 mins apart).  I asked her what was wrong during that weekend and she lashed out ""I'm jealous of your daughter, and I know that I will never be your priority.  I feel neglected."" She's lashed out a couple of times before, but that was the first time that it actually scared me.  I asked her to elaborate on the neglect and she gave a couple of examples, which seemed minor to me.  I knew it felt big to her, so I didn't argue, and just said that I am sorry that I left her feeling neglected.  I asked her what she needed from me, and she said ""she needs me to be there for her more and try harder.""  I was left confused, but I did exactly that.  I spent more weekend nights at her place.  I used my nanny during a weeknight so that we could grab a quick dinner and connect (she lives 30 mins away).  However, she just kept growing more distant and cold when we were apart, and she stopped putting in the effort to see me.  She eventually discarded me over the phone in a very cold and closed off manner, as if we didn't completely invest ourselves into each others love for 10 wonderful months and 2 months with on & off challenges.  It seemed like she tried to reach out to me a couple of times during that week after we broke up, but I didn't reply much because I was still in shock and trying to process everything.  I tried to hand write her a letter explaining what she meant to me, and my part in contributing to the demise.  I told her that I wanted to work on things together, instead of using it as an excuse to give up and quit.  My attempt was met with cold and distant email reply a few days later, basically telling me that she feels too neglected and ""in an ideal world we could make this work, but this world isn't perfect.""

What sucks is 5 weeks before she left me, right before things started getting really cold and distant, I requested summer salary from a grant (I'm an academic) because I was getting ready to buy her an engagement ring.  We have so much in common, even before we met.  Same political beliefs, values in life, endurance running, music, love of concerts, etc.  I get so many perspectives from people non-BPD, telling me to run and never look back.  However, my experiences with her were never as traumatic as other have described.  She is really a sweet person.   I've since read 2 books on BPD, and 2 books on codependency.  I get it.  I see ways that I missed being there for her now that I understand better.  I see ways that I enabled my own neglect towards the end.  I think there's hope to make this work with some insight.  I still love her, and it's been 5 weeks without contact.  She told me she has never ""let her walls down with anyone like she has with me"" before.  Can someone give me some perspective or insight?  Did I lose her forever?  Is there hope?   Should I just move on?",5.114337947766521,6.200801457342664,5.663613529327817,80.44694305694308,68.69230769230771,8.577993435136293,29.417011559868694,8.841846274778883,2.2891327244184394,2922,106,552,49,49,943,319,715,0.065,0.8,0.136,0.9944,4,0,0,0,0,0,103.0,12,2,0,14,23,37,3,2,29,1,37,6,1,4,6,119,100,40,0,11,10,6,6,2,1,2,1,6,1,1,36,53,1,7,20,9,3,12,9,17,0,2,35,22,118,20,93,57,14,106,1,9,4,3,92,50,1,12,44,385,154,9,0.0,0.0,0.05763583213396875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235475399969863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399347459718058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04129740896596228,0.0,0.0,0.052577555849234986,0.1656445316090539,0.0,0.05549053909009784,0.04541490619098353,0.0,0.07200709402973231,0.0,0.2512863615013913,0.0,0.0,0.1044707886116674,0.0,0.0,0.29754525938401377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238504226311389,0.0,0.0,0.09431214023262846,0.19605239437853866,0.0,0.07617999627309521,0.0,0.050869872776375724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231125618730414,0.0,0.0658695593972518,0.07801957126482899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053080969840220205,0.05777380865594903,0.0,0.0,0.08959031662736994,0.0,0.05670862466343389,0.0,0.0,0.05023796750390519,0.0,0.0,0.045631027960818235,0.0,0.15428685803340825,0.1133149896695054,0.033566202462011814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03958790368028677,0.0,0.0,0.11732345923445885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03245884044838824,0.0,0.0,0.06253795643580932,0.256683430373853,0.06039472884062973,0.041717121411258704,0.05770925945225916,0.0,0.1564580496721978,0.0,0.04959706711088833,0.06607508701731918,0.0,0.0,0.1599168386715217,0.0,0.07884846826462961,0.059879431551360565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963561769235516,0.0,0.18857037595229215,0.06277338466333295,0.08683449035905802,0.13138080900473778,0.1822085157854905,0.0,0.0,0.05542553209888355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040021828585263285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395821282107109,0.0,0.04094604048257499,0.05157051704735632,0.06170704791713685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060087120294293514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937345813790487,0.0,0.06281953261865536,0.05907781894110663,0.0,0.07567304897361261,0.0,0.0,0.19023092566849806,0.0,0.05043848520956528,0.11236266206268596,0.0,0.05913120122606162,0.0,0.14119390951803618,0.1613030317776224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048856561042144135,0.06638797822364137,0.0,0.0,0.10008580390811342,0.0,0.0,0.06611488990412638,0.04180427148881469,0.0,0.09433371699705546,0.049378339484453485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324529578628354,0.0,0.0,0.06857534375120104,0.07847611886720912,0.0378444396768444,0.0,0.0,0.10331829454955904,0.0,0.0,0.1128722306164694,0.0,0.16039643881022966,0.0,0.0,0.12297090834353792,0.071044116579253,0.10202092623596026,0.0,0.04873220013068539,0.03483620109421645,0.09376107258082793,0.18950336903882956,0.0,0.0,0.1642527409768263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056933502248068014,0.0640500416996797,0.1289931600266058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457484595031028,0.0,0.0
bpd,claiiire7,2019/04/10,"DAE think that they are behind in life and have minimal support? You are doing great, and this internet stranger is proud of you. Whatever you have going on this week, you can do it, I believe in you. Best wishes, and spread positivity💐🦋",1.55050724637681,4.242858108695657,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,87.47826086956522,6.544927536231885,22.88405797101449,7.793537801064563,1.5040405797101457,187,7,36,4,6,62,36,46,0.0,0.708,0.292,0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,5,12,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,5,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965477977855631,0.3693690646336689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000317222689824,0.0,0.0,0.38804634426192974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486056518738573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39940950827372296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255271043970841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28232777693210986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40474622798227794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CB_the_cuttlefish,2019/04/10,"Do I disassociate? I'm learning about BPD. I know disassociation is a common symptom, but I was always kind of confused about it.

Sometimes I act like I'm having conversations when I'm alone. I act it out with half whispered words and gestures. Sometimes its me talking to people I know, repetitively rehearsing an interaction I wish would happen. or more likely, redoing a past interaction i wish was different. Sometimes I ""talk"" to make believe characters I've cobbled together out of movies, shows and music. Sometimes I'm not myself at all. I'm a different character altogether, and usually i'm talking to fake characters that exist in a fake reality. There are several realities I keep track of and keep running like a TV series. Often watching reruns. 

This is disassociating, right? That's what it means? I kind of just now realized I've been doing what yall have been talking about all along. All my life.

... Do lots of people do this? I've never told anyone.",3.5646610169491524,6.5346718361581955,5.594833333333334,70.71326694915254,79.22598870056498,8.285762711864407,29.753954802259887,8.982922981607832,3.3208781920903965,773,37,124,21,20,266,106,177,0.08800000000000001,0.833,0.079,-0.3715,2,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,6,0,14,2,0,1,4,31,30,7,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,10,8,0,2,5,2,0,3,2,3,0,1,5,2,15,5,17,24,5,15,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,4,10,81,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907190400873758,0.0,0.0,0.10369636781677402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713933996532555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040751061039738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569583792405994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26040914243021346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020375884471673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215414005289942,0.0,0.2595514753283134,0.1369791472895354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802495159022211,0.18265359393499714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595006756930846,0.0,0.0,0.08318685910198054,0.0,0.0,0.13575104494579432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611698529740484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896681050146067,0.17279587418115622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064274108246089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140788583289769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493021564887131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953107484816268,0.0,0.400669174365075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908267277058185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725469205955065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866207333254239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852864497717701,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shelikesfajitas,2019/04/10,Is it normal to think you don't have BPD anymore when times are fine but then remember when everything smacks you full force in the face?! Or is that just me.,4.9684375,5.3181589687500015,4.662500000000001,90.1325,68.6875,8.9,25.375,8.841846274778883,1.3642624999999995,125,3,28,2,2,38,29,32,0.0,0.9470000000000001,0.053,0.1759,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39289730245882537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4989662042776898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560548750853491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881655641251307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44878694111145795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25385175294223605,0.0,0.0,0.23101174533049895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AllMeatusMarvel,2019/04/10,"DAE have a hard time working or going to school? I’m 33 and have never been able to successfully complete any education, despite multiple attempts, and haven’t worked in 7 years. Each of those situations overwhelms me. My body wants to sleep during the day, so waking up after trying to “sleep” all night on sleeping pills and deal with an hour commute in a major city then be functional is extremely difficult. I get to a point after about 2 weeks to a month at any education or job where I hit my breaking point, can’t take it anymore, and quit. The relief is overwhelming, as is the guilt and worry about not being homeless one day because I can’t function. Fortunately I have family and a loving spouse that’s been taking care of me, but I know that isn’t sustainable in the long run. I’m looking at trying school again the fall after dropping out this spring. I’m dreading it. I’m dreading the career I need to have.  All I want to do is stay in our home all day and keep it clean and organized.",6.460179972311956,6.185906213197974,6.968149515459159,77.00245039224734,65.5482233502538,9.803230272265806,32.12228887863406,9.339509955726095,2.7167096446700505,792,28,152,13,11,260,123,197,0.09,0.8390000000000001,0.071,-0.5418,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,5,5,10,0,5,12,0,17,7,5,0,4,24,34,14,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,11,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,6,0,1,2,2,12,4,26,29,5,35,0,2,1,1,4,12,0,2,17,96,19,7,0.13556946034447184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438376381824928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344484760610298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264188471575229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058710849558807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822210005208696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214199985425838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262293259621672,0.13976616078012302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278028218397767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082944760685805,0.0,0.07704724851320299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121443607912877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359872223836549,0.0,0.13350861005110973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453177068098912,0.12050036539460462,0.0,0.0,0.0745054299576397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997470628273264,0.11384420264828456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235673094600495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821024983886113,0.0,0.0,0.10052303705103127,0.10455952540978283,0.0,0.0,0.12722275480618198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186537489462478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563139198952485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419480865106804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744070631533301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238575356490994,0.40700210096220096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444990066365399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038627247030624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905164254758207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840855291216019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992476038953976,0.0,0.10874564366454707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739236351051087,0.13767736767801794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730228764248682
bpd,hiheyhello24,2019/04/10,"Just need to vent a little Today is the one year anniversary of losing someone who was like my little sister to suicide, from BPD. I am a shell of a person today. I am at work, but not really. I cried in front of several co-workers. I feel just empty. I also have BPD, and also had an incredibly scary talk with my boyfriend where he said he really wants to fuck other girls really badly, but he only wants the sex because he has the emotional bond with me. And he wants to keep trying to work on the relationship. He promised he wouldn't act on these feelings, and that he does still want to be with me. I just feel fucking broken today. And I have to pretend to not be broken. Sorry for the vent, may not make much sense, just needed to get it out of my brain.",3.5742287390029333,4.5187563935483865,5.055131964809386,83.91724340175955,72.16129032258064,7.7008797653958965,23.12316715542521,8.00094639256281,1.0984838709677418,591,14,121,8,11,199,94,155,0.185,0.741,0.07400000000000001,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,2,0,9,0,12,4,1,1,0,30,27,8,1,7,9,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,5,8,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,4,0,1,3,4,12,2,23,20,1,15,0,1,0,3,15,8,2,1,6,80,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229525889827088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056072074597432,0.07710226828825922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185993647716601,0.14119576967278946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893456498533768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068527215489847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227525376288835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918593361310028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338611874462893,0.06608163754828104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242303504384084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061792728410448076,0.25353643352212635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150103278090465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442773363062721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297884135657353,0.18756963732173715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570749331152154,0.09619527927624053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104392253215414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430828713242443,0.0,0.0,0.13579435994237102,0.0,0.0,0.12031336957387873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288868622446874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716780907146617,0.0,0.0,0.14158627140630975,0.0,0.0,0.1010087083021635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835080614924805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166146039312507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596705107578751,0.0,0.0,0.08587299226740963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984095007973493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27624126110727565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814502770252863
bpd,serenity345,2019/04/10,"So i found out my ex is dating a MTF I want to hurt myself. It is too hard to pull apart a razor while drunk so I probably won;t

​

I am just shocked. We were together 6.5 years, I was his first, I guess its not that shocking that hes branching but like what the fuck else am I supposed to feel. I am honestly not against the not straight people... its just .. its a kick in the fucking cunt. I did everything I thought I could for him.",1.138828502415457,3.09858372826087,2.377101449275365,96.22683574879228,81.28260869565217,5.828019323671497,24.352657004830927,6.937597516519254,0.7002425120772946,341,13,79,4,9,109,66,92,0.191,0.703,0.105,-0.8025,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,1,0,0,1,5,8,3,0,6,0,10,3,0,0,0,14,17,4,0,2,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,5,2,17,2,7,11,0,9,0,1,0,2,5,4,3,1,5,57,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532350360281539,0.28399483653155744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660604366335046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524269475123907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005206225338696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118175627550132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880173081574104,0.0,0.2562614243369811,0.0,0.4321399178700448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25746843537110514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936681063549034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502016134128847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418356706321735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203170873412712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519892061543292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554721688892192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785384673528234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28399483653155744,0.1505077281465677
bpd,ProblematicCut,2019/04/10,"Wanting to cut out people of your life for no apparent reason So I wanted to say first that I haven't had an official diagnosis off bpd. My psychiatrist said I have bpd in development or something like that. Because I do have a lot of symptoms but I was still a minor at the time they diagnosed me which was about 6 months ago. I'm not a minor anymore but I get therapy at a different institution now and they haven't diagnosed me there I'm just in therapy there.

Okay now I said that I have this friends and we were hanging out this weekend and nothing really happened. But since this weekend I have the urge to avoid him and ignore him when he texts me. I still response sometimes but it's more out of guilt and because I feel obligated. I don't wanna just ghost him because I know that is rude and I have done it in the past and I know its not fair. 

I don't know what cost this sudden change of attitude I just don't want to be friends anymore. This has happened to me a couple times in the past and I really handled it poorly. Also he has been a really great friend and he just doesn't deserve this. But I just can't get over my feelings towards him now and I don't know how to handle the situation right now. 

I'd hoped someone here could give me advice and how I can approach this situation and be upfront about it because he doesn't deserve this.",2.5747961630695464,4.381732348920863,4.165629496402875,85.8282763788969,76.23021582733813,7.223261390887291,26.691247002398075,8.07648339933343,1.6628124700239812,1075,42,222,18,24,359,136,278,0.07400000000000001,0.8140000000000001,0.113,0.9393,2,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,2,1,21,12,2,2,12,1,28,4,0,3,0,47,47,23,1,6,13,0,2,1,3,0,4,3,0,0,19,16,0,2,7,2,2,2,12,5,0,1,8,5,36,7,26,36,2,32,0,0,0,0,19,13,0,3,18,164,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574586363508268,0.09592554029131346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653902016887897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463922233997867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638659862540561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725845084449717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447649122584627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640039649405175,0.1197371802904167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196706853114035,0.0,0.11306102042361607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074090702563844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943290877207668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204711717253593,0.0,0.0,0.25081854140015925,0.0,0.1130751199158652,0.1038091173842062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930676297375813,0.0,0.0,0.19138728100286787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748132076006067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378872266124375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643503416702803,0.052868091910062406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200001690837156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637570523330057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383463966080043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660578758969927,0.07502224260481884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079747555014755,0.11126243089292588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924145101556742,0.2058733590266791,0.08605643785364765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951607364577037,0.2432750492911268,0.0,0.0,0.09168971375007796,0.0833087354490644,0.10702681306960092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728403264139584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247620081407644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750520501210196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620137898334333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148297850919865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DapperZebra,2019/04/10,"What to expect with Psychotherapy? Hi everyone,   


I'm about to start psychotherapy for the first time - can anyone tell me what to expect? Is it intense? Emotional? Do people tend to feel good or bad after?",2.1481981981981946,4.986556297297298,3.717702702702706,79.39204954954958,94.13513513513512,6.790990990990991,19.68018018018018,7.793537801064563,1.6144450450450445,161,5,27,4,6,53,31,37,0.083,0.757,0.16,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,8,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618111409795524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31263457915221593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42118492812993735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577852487908069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893237663430131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184911577269123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140552937055316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595835875847207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26502447224537434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272695475018455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183339605508608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,2ndcummingofchrist,2019/04/10,"An opportunity. I have an opportunity at work, and it's what I've been waiting for. I havnt gone to school because I dont belive in myself, but my job will pay a majority of the cost for me to go to trade school. It's what a person like me needs. I havnt gone to school because I'm afraid to fail. Take out lones and fail,  fuck that. But now I have almost no stake in the deal, all I have to do is stay employed. Lately I've been drinking more, and calling in sick. Risking my chances to succeed, and in thinking about it. I think I'm doing it on purpose. Maybe I'm just good at fucking things up, but sometimes I thing I'm doing on purpose because I dont think i deserve to succeed. I want it so bad. maybe I'd do good, maybe I'd do bad, maybe I might like to do something else. Fuck I just turned 30. Why cant i decide after all these years what I'd like to do?",0.4776477541371165,2.1960562446808503,2.6056737588652474,94.98388888888887,82.29787234042553,4.816075650118204,21.614657210401894,5.46131890053228,-0.13672080378250628,666,21,159,3,18,225,95,188,0.193,0.649,0.159,-0.905,2,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,7,5,19,3,2,6,0,18,5,0,0,2,21,36,8,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,5,1,1,4,1,3,3,4,10,0,0,4,0,19,9,25,30,4,18,0,3,0,3,3,10,3,2,7,95,31,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846027352525425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755097033235625,0.21634358508595355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207974369200976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196201478573837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772932317277772,0.11588887655630928,0.0,0.0,0.09882439659966837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280990872760918,0.0,0.0,0.06723256623719255,0.19844870704252407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739440872786575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344745356719434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338608439610176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753926489487245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254975118986852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771788580794138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329492015656637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35917748015845624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107305190231232,0.11700163793251178,0.0,0.0,0.12609196593483676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889468112514392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718640992375174,0.22740542069027195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286763336290555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977635316862983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674727024553607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612374491324133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618126474141529
bpd,ohkay-,2019/04/10,"DAE feel like their diagnosis is the only thing they know about themselves?? I really struggle with chronic feelings of emptiness, and as a result struggle everyday with figuring out who I am. I feel passionate about nothing significant and have no goals for the future. I feel like I only do what others have suggested I do, to the point where I feel like I’m made up of a shell of really old puzzle pieces that don’t reflect who I am. Sometimes it feels like the only thing I know for sure, hard and fast, about myself, is my diagnosis. And I cling to it really hard on days like today 😔",7.239072463768117,6.481690660869571,7.891956521739132,72.61909420289855,64.13043478260869,11.144927536231883,33.07971014492754,10.504223727775694,3.342971014492753,466,16,87,10,6,156,68,115,0.12300000000000001,0.721,0.156,0.7079,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,4,9,0,2,6,0,9,2,0,2,1,21,19,5,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,14,7,16,18,1,11,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,11,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140377058595728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299760119900923,0.4050061910170445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25392349828914285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578159889611268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462092524099217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410783293543546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359932302167207,0.0,0.14872121683731446,0.0,0.0,0.3233749010308448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398014172696446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27238654553597674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017405055464288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29633278884559594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357832979469625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831749845984214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434294708191394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smallpreciouslight,2019/04/10,"Does anyone have experience in CPT or MBCT? I’m starting soon and I’d like to know what I’m in for. My therapist is starting me on Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) and integrating Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) along the way. Does anyone have experience with either of these treatments? 

I’m particularly nervous about CPT and its similarities to exposure therapy. This is the first counselor I’ve ever felt comfortable enough to make it this far with, and to get so in depth. Thoughts?",5.746704545454545,8.570121170454549,6.668181818181817,66.84727272727275,70.25,11.21818181818182,34.86363636363636,10.9516,4.979427272727274,405,21,64,15,8,134,59,88,0.027000000000000003,0.902,0.071,0.6055,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,15,14,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,2,14,12,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,6,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25101109252496456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31415073546063593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854640543225856,0.0,0.0,0.16236152292491401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35115682056495595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234124596156744,0.0,0.0,0.1526764926073501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377758500328597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864455430797987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876911205001834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198128445499892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123657058844705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25409186971672504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6157970140305338,0.20840498697450047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249724170617142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247303798298788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,caligari2,2019/04/10,"BPD with a narcissist ex Apologies for the novel I’m trying to get my thoughts straight


I’m pretty sure I have BPD. I haven’t brought it up with a therapist but after reading quite a bit it all sounds exactly like me. Abusive childhood, anxiety and depression, eating disorders, threats and attempts of suicide, ~intense~ fear of abandonment, extreme emotions, oscillating between idealization and devaluation.


My ex is almost certainly a narcissist. There was the lovebombing at first; the getting me to move in with him after only three weeks of dating, telling me I was just right for him and promising to marry me right after we started dating. The subtle criticisms, telling me to dress more sexily, wear more makeup, get a push-up bra or nobody would take me seriously as an adult. The insecurity and constantly insulting his friends behind their backs. The extreme charisma, having everybody adore him and saying he’s slept with between 150 and 200 women. 

The jealousy, accusing me of talking to a man who’d given me his number and I told him because I thought he’d find it funny, and the hypocrisy in getting me drunk and having a friend or a stranger from Grindr over to have a three way on three separate occasions, making me feel guilty at feeling uncomfortable and almost traumatized by the experience because he said he wanted to explore his sexuality without feeling like he was cheating. It still felt like cheating, but worse because it felt like I was being made an accomplice in his infidelity.

The constant lies. The breaking of every single promise he ever made. The calling me crazy(although, with the BPD thing, I probably am a bit by most standards). The five and a half hour drinking binge that ended in him threatening in detail to beat two men to death at the bar for no reason and then doing push ups before the manager kicked him out and he told me that there was nothing good in the world and there was no point in doing good, only hurting people before they could hurt you. The complete discarding once he decided he was done with me.

I loved submitting myself to all his desires. I made dinner for him every night after work, I washed the dishes, I did laundry and cleaned the house. I fulfilled his every sexual fantasy.

Our relationship was extremely passionate and volatile. We fought all the time. We told each other I love you and I miss you whenever we were at work. We had constant sex. 

Every day I thought about breaking up with him but I held back because here was someone who said we would always be together. I would never be alone again. I would never be abandoned. I hated and loved being his slave. I’ve never cared about or wanted to take care of myself, and here was someone to take care of, a vessel to pour infinite amounts of love into when I couldn’t love myself. I loved and hated him more than anything. I pushed him away just so that he would reassure me that he wouldn’t ever leave me.

One night we got into another fight. The next morning I told him I didn’t think we should be together, I was tired of being angry at him. I wanted him to ask me to stay. Instead he told me I was right. He didn’t want me anymore. He drank so much because he didn’t want to see how wrong I was for him. I immediately regretted it. 

I cried almost constantly. I begged him to take me back. He said we would get back together soon. But when I was still miserable after a week, when I showed my need to be loved, he told me that he wanted a strong woman and that I was weak. I threatened to kill myself, and he left the house. I almost went through with it.

He kicked me out. He wanted to bring women home to sleep with and me being there would be inconvenient. When I found a place he told me that he missed me and it sucked that I had left. He said that I would always be his best friend. He started texting me nice things again and invited me over to hang out. When I came he began spooning me and I told him I didn’t want to fuck around if it wasn’t going to go anywhere. He said he understood, he just missed having me there. We began kissing and slept together. This happened a few more times, then the texts became less frequent. I began to worry. I didn’t want to be abandoned again. My texts became more desperate, asking him if he was using me and if he still saw me as a friend. He reassured me. I apologized. The texts became even less frequent and I was always the one initiating.


He began saying he was too busy to hang out when I asked if we could without having sex. He became irritated whenever he saw me. I was growing more depressed and feeling like I had nobody to turn to. I felt worthless. I decided to kill myself. 

I sent him a note. He told me to call him. I did, and he sounded annoyed and told me to give it a couple days. A couple days later I asked him to call or text me because I needed someone to talk to. I was still feeling suicidal. He didn’t reply. I asked if I could call. No reply. I called and he didn’t pick up. 

I went to the apartment. He answered the door and was angry. He said he never wanted to see me because I was too emotional. I asked if he hated me and he told me I’d made him hate me. He threatened to get a restraining order and closed the door in my face. 

I called the suicide prevention lifeline and calmed down enough to not kill myself. 

I read that narcissists and borderlines are drawn to each other. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to resist if he comes back to me. I’m afraid that the way I am would be torment to any normal person and I don’t want to subject anyone to myself. I don’t want to be alone.",3.2672128275441814,5.32113711791591,4.3540093692870245,84.14373190889705,74.9872029250457,7.044622181596589,26.11246953077392,7.937092434478242,1.6400542656916506,4413,161,837,68,96,1437,408,1094,0.19,0.66,0.15,-0.9964,1,2,1,0,1,6,117.0,12,3,2,9,43,71,16,5,54,0,85,27,5,9,12,178,204,68,7,40,21,2,8,5,4,12,3,10,4,7,29,72,7,6,20,8,0,16,24,36,0,10,84,22,167,35,117,87,22,124,0,13,4,12,160,40,2,16,67,582,196,5,0.03643992681178915,0.043175354571041866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459572918619383,0.0754815489401809,0.0,0.0,0.090962814747247,0.0,0.0,0.024780399810351537,0.03821044051791007,0.027876444270552938,0.0,0.03613861569686695,0.02547964409730301,0.0,0.02998695488311625,0.03243926057561476,0.20439847524292776,0.0,0.03423651076871447,0.14010027207910336,0.0,0.15549408812905927,0.0,0.0620153875788075,0.0,0.038241455024146165,0.0,0.07956592444034889,0.0,0.13768443653801016,0.0,0.22325543701739808,0.041677568565417863,0.11145880193529664,0.0,0.0,0.031389770336727484,0.0382065699635407,0.157514461449509,0.0,0.08728294924614691,0.08064017183751918,0.04002754851560905,0.07050221458102222,0.0,0.06277131113409236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041763313133515056,0.0,0.0,0.0372906968008205,0.0,0.035697255450527335,0.0,0.037287142366161895,0.0,0.08198002596640529,0.032274959211942705,0.037652185403020524,0.0,0.02406822798605194,0.06592400005288962,0.12280883992035425,0.0,0.0,0.03564524069567047,0.0,0.04100504856595926,0.0921256094666666,0.05206538199076765,0.1049641328488246,0.0,0.033305432941039166,0.03099578313076261,0.0,0.039954498891618666,0.11261358824656613,0.033688125152341236,0.11423014653987043,0.034956498239977284,0.04141930033116538,0.06112816345822252,0.029144338322053626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03222370693495876,0.0,0.0,0.14390753418116853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03655221772224858,0.0,0.035885987645332684,0.08409356604515662,0.07801939064102584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094613997875844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038584620983616535,0.07918417420559155,0.0,0.0,0.08901353794219936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302191966015897,0.1379213593195398,0.024323934107538275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038729875313075916,0.026787539038382067,0.054039488004611176,0.112418872029928,0.0,0.03875427556629415,0.0683928056090475,0.03570339134651029,0.034965092566172584,0.0,0.0,0.03880733278399907,0.049385274960773336,0.055428412772712585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02526285703661608,0.03181793853855448,0.03807196767525423,0.0,0.034447509262385684,0.0,0.0,0.037072505957753785,0.03928840434740409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387583476435895,0.07289957594700293,0.0,0.0,0.037466313823759485,0.0,0.0391228441339487,0.0,0.09335849517867152,0.20797629034371976,0.057956984784602913,0.0,0.0,0.058075807551534575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03646624329113218,0.0,0.0926262952067906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158473550531671,0.0388401134948271,0.11640389049306887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195780964779444,0.0,0.03434419977129145,0.0,0.1095931598304756,0.058578065702842574,0.06370020437658673,0.0,0.0,0.042309563635600865,0.048418136365944345,0.023349233721239097,0.0,0.08678769452771116,0.04249682873216619,0.04188233534036681,0.0,0.3830190283416331,0.0,0.02474031832558737,0.03963617638282819,0.03559651356666104,0.0,0.0,0.031472396889499384,0.0,0.0,0.25791855551450005,0.057848635528440225,0.05845982253183154,0.0,0.0,0.06756035446106612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025357816948805,0.0,0.053057401432832406,0.03700651451351253,0.0371353985712552,0.23297290645066696,0.0398413395331456,0.0,0.0
bpd,sandersVern,2019/04/10,I not me when I go to bed.. I have bpd my normal self is straight my other self that takes my life from me is gay. I'll wake in the morning finding video and pictures of me performing homosexual acts with another guy. The last I remember was going to bed. now obviously this other me went out. I have no memory of any of those things and it's definitely not the lifestyle and orientation of MY choosing. How do I make it stop.,1.4854022988505733,3.711663977011497,4.048965517241381,83.2509195402299,81.64367816091955,7.544827586206896,24.60919540229885,8.515128840125781,1.8275885057471268,334,13,70,8,9,117,60,87,0.052000000000000005,0.893,0.055,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,1,2,1,15,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,8,5,0,1,3,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,14,0,10,9,0,11,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,50,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480494624142916,0.254123002195668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30522881438000404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215016758164895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754638995608072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399626157456399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754596069159985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117755509284105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617691677152986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237449578559276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27453303404180857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056436233050293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261377443008036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822155307472586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610052384539482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465901822045603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GloomyMeat,2019/04/10,"I’m lost This week has been (what I consider) the worst week in my life: 

1. My partner said “You need something outside of me.”
2. I spend the weekend by myself.
3. I’m on testosterone, so I can’t cry it out anymore. 
4. I had a mental breakdown after getting drunk and I almost checked myself into a hospital. 
5. I applied for a job, despite the disappointment from quitting three previous ones in a short amount of time, and didn’t get the job. 
6. I have $0 in my bank account, so I can’t even pay for my medication. 
7. I had a mental breakdown in the street, then my partner had a breakdown. 
8. I stopped therapy, again. I’m in the process of finding another one, which is a three month wait. 
9. I can’t afford to see a psychiatrist.
10. I’m new in town, so I don’t have friends and my anxiety won’t allow me to make any. 

I’m sure there’s more stuff that I’ve forgotten, but I’m not sure what to do anymore. I have no one to tell.",-0.5981407035175863,1.5196578693467335,2.2199276381909563,93.32444422110555,90.90954773869349,5.194050251256282,23.537889447236186,6.742157984588678,0.7702838592964825,712,31,163,10,25,248,118,199,0.094,0.8490000000000001,0.057,-0.5249,3,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,14,0,16,3,0,2,2,16,30,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,2,7,5,1,2,1,2,5,0,8,3,0,5,7,2,24,3,21,22,3,22,0,2,1,0,6,12,0,1,10,102,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365978110611708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435246535493277,0.16090756004171852,0.11739018366226768,0.0,0.3043658432748298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855956327117586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135344652590897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025213732261904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855645647296507,0.0,0.1603444321657163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045544064924052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838752291572536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751073345170447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243024772313178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458651384044633,0.3092865828575296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224837384108194,0.0,0.0,0.11378254271434002,0.0,0.14820467521514752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31194867115714353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321484562983482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596777290947574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222811928351063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181346691470533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128292550429121,0.0,0.0,0.17566556307936249,0.0,0.0,0.2892529534797477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412361021578706,0.0,0.17548547189361186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947896083007092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617950687220685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,laurelfairweather,2019/04/10,"i’m currently pursuing help w bpd and these are the insane behaviors i’ve been struggling with like running away So basically, i had a breakdown (which was a long time coming). I shaved my head about a week ago because it gave me a rush. i was feeling so empty.. I’m still dealing with a breakup that happened back in february and i just feel so alone. 

I sleep in my car every night even though i technically live in a dorm room with another roommate. i isolate myself even though i fear being left. it’s like i subconsciously punish myself and think i deserve to be alone. 

following living in my car.. i randomly run away for the adrenaline rush. so people worry about me. it’s like it’s all about attention for me. i take random road trips and don’t tell anyone. and if i do tell someone, it’s so they worry about me and wonder about me. 

I also idolize people. especially the people i date.  i’ll emanate they’re accents, and even dress like their ex’s so they’ll like me because i don’t know who i am. sometimes i feel like i’m constantly changing skins just to fit in. 

i’ll also shoplift, have a lot of sex, my mood swings are out of control, etc...

I’m not seeking a diagnosis via reddit lol i just want clarification if this is something real, that i’m not crazy and seeking some label. i want to know i’m not alone. (i’m going to a therapist sometime soon)",1.5137696969696959,3.892220989090912,3.4751818181818197,86.47410606060606,82.74545454545455,6.13939393939394,24.07575757575757,7.42949916751922,1.2547939393939394,1072,41,213,17,30,361,148,275,0.10800000000000001,0.78,0.11199999999999999,-0.4533,1,3,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,3,1,24,10,1,2,12,1,15,4,3,1,1,39,37,20,0,4,8,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,11,13,0,1,9,0,0,10,5,3,0,0,5,4,35,6,24,29,4,33,0,0,0,1,10,12,0,7,17,132,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952135015934179,0.0,0.0,0.33373666644280897,0.0,0.17179331197342293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262995368457245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510437188583323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183261799320312,0.0825925424652941,0.0,0.1309536773332327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528058038739335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113626752027041,0.09252519288642716,0.0,0.11607329212413195,0.12047073546940593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073617684215432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197918225088799,0.2128321500560676,0.0,0.09049852451846392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086740320758385,0.16293091082051506,0.07673454535863164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104423051286127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498332315557792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023482562831516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199542815471459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806071543267688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670252622639345,0.0,0.0,0.31485396723538844,0.0,0.18969202251563266,0.09505548565801077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131711669173613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007980858594706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339609641299715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225740134358068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748871871826336,0.0,0.09100911686012816,0.08269034911178308,0.21246474308706453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577868127948682,0.0,0.0,0.1122894530072269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807598155670749,0.0,0.1877641548065873,0.0,0.0,0.12471262116066376,0.0,0.0688247263561581,0.2110618144630918,0.0,0.06263230398510569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267077556476303,0.0,0.0861587437219193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648280779747415,0.0,0.21816246864417704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Electric-Zombie,2019/04/10,"I wish she finished the job. Major trigger warnings ahead. Yesterday I was severely physically assaulted by a now ex friend of my partner, the last thing I remember is her king hitting me the rest was told to me by witnesses, paramedics, and police. She king hit me first, than she slammed my head multiple times into the concrete, then she punched my face, by then the cyclists turned up and tried to get her to stop but it didn't work she kept kicking me multiple times in the back, neck, ribs, and head, she then stomped on my head at this stage the cyclists managed to get her to stop with telling her it is all on video and photos so she took off.  
  
 I ended up in hospital for 12 hours thankfully no broken bones just dozens of cuts, grazes and bruises. But today I am in so much pain, the damn nightmares won't go away, every time I hear cars and kids outside I have panic attacks, and multiple times a day I am checking to make sure the windows and doors are locked, I have even barricaded the front and back doors shut I am so terrified. I just feel like I wish she did kill me I hate living like this.",3.7221353746978254,5.260778694063927,4.143706688154712,88.2991377921032,72.56164383561644,7.527370400214881,28.407467096427606,8.124751697461798,1.7534956218103683,870,34,180,13,17,273,131,219,0.21600000000000005,0.703,0.081,-0.9897,1,0,0,0,1,1,22.0,0,0,0,5,9,13,6,1,12,0,13,8,7,2,2,26,29,17,1,2,4,1,1,2,2,1,1,1,3,2,5,11,0,3,2,1,1,4,3,8,0,2,7,2,34,5,26,19,4,38,0,0,0,0,19,12,1,0,23,119,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279964666361992,0.1261908399086746,0.20655575709252946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662033088499085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189608438338587,0.0,0.0,0.08871201639650628,0.0,0.11316391704204448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791234138451148,0.09595274366546744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424598532606038,0.0,0.0,0.10376936030342893,0.0,0.14034528062878765,0.0,0.07633278304160053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326056029058202,0.4135295485398251,0.0,0.1513797389373942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227057373074966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328424650796644,0.0,0.14859667496235654,0.0,0.0,0.1094824620014339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123642408598854,0.0,0.11860023361550515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965451227344116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873500466142184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291777138182865,0.1575865607930927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214966867656507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517346838764402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458221653682875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658776603750588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173948821323993,0.12365673292511264,0.0,0.0,0.0892311330454642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132743606610533,0.0,0.12731236855657702,0.12834117146286295,0.14922592238926544,0.0911892444357019,0.14609322843401626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089050642270869,0.0,0.0,0.09778096394535472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,belle-weather,2019/04/10,"Abruptly ended relationship with narcissist; doing unexpectedly fine. Fog is lifting. Hi, just checking in. I am currently between accounts, as my ex watched my old one so I just want to check in. I've made a habit of checking in here and I don't intend to stop over him. 

Last week I ended a 2+ year toxic relationship out of frustration. I hit a wall and could not care anymore. I have kept myself busy by getting back into politics. I cleaned my room, in the apartment I never used to inhabit. I sorted through the ridiculous pile of beauty supplies, all the shit I amassed when with him, to try to please him, provoke him. I looked up ingredients and am tossing out the toxic shit. All of it. 

Not to address fault, but I was in a deep haze. I've heard about the fog others experience when with narcissists but am very curious to hear about the experience of pwBPD and healing after toxic relationships. 

Thanks for reading, I very much hope to hear stories of hope and healing tactics. I finally feel like I'm getting my mind back and can think again.",3.672885572139299,5.917329547263683,4.791865671641791,80.59635572139305,74.42288557213931,7.451741293532338,30.56965174129353,8.344100000000001,2.4798278606965183,833,39,152,15,18,273,124,201,0.037000000000000005,0.7959999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.976,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,4,0,10,0,10,4,2,4,3,35,28,12,0,4,6,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,12,0,2,2,1,4,0,4,5,0,1,4,6,23,6,35,22,3,31,0,0,2,0,12,14,2,3,18,104,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344825406719398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854191755509088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825712076928198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082686072835144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020945081643386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652930910152253,0.0,0.0,0.06856536025591221,0.09687538822607036,0.0,0.14854734446938725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416947866963775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30567069619707066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26937035893083183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110535203113238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662491714518157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387304684630888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831160281429416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692119076329984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968440237025204,0.0,0.10458601719053312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229338650245074,0.0,0.09188865041505884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885226119406475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564050529071486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43676322758830943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783907224657809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337085623903145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484576835710673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688944534882652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206608502566377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711815223465988,0.0,0.22377468796686045,0.07998263990650907,0.0,0.1087731960634148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732440703384939
bpd,smarash,2019/04/10,"Can't stop making same issues over and over There are some people, actually ""my friends"" ( they are only people i opened up to, talked about my disorders) who mischievously are making me feel bad, want me depressed, intentionally making me anxious even if they know my curret state of mind which is at this point really fucked up mostly because of them. I know they are toxic and I need to get away from them, but whenever someone of them makes something good once in a while, makes me feel better and other similar things in a good way I constantly like forget all bad things they ever did to me. At the end i start to believe, trust and love them agin...
I know im an idiot and I know how to solve this problem, but at same time i don't want to lose them, really dont know why. Just wanted to get this off chast, sorry for taking your time to read about stranger problems, love you all!",8.285,6.358265287356327,7.947672413793104,76.82081896551728,62.793103448275865,10.76896551724138,31.52011494252873,9.188382445141503,2.4174045977011493,696,17,139,9,8,222,106,174,0.141,0.6559999999999999,0.203,0.9305,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,9,2,7,16,2,0,4,0,9,3,0,7,3,40,32,10,0,7,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,2,27,8,26,31,6,23,0,2,0,3,16,13,1,3,9,94,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.114916435146019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303488992395834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063907122469717,0.0,0.196648784320304,0.07178519199555478,0.0,0.0,0.13267480417859015,0.0,0.10414884421414056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725635095353505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142621732613616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496276555672504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801343731133406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430010041465466,0.0,0.0,0.07777914076554822,0.10652034879579036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908563856005215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098081646703672,0.10886690245205577,0.12304911759661842,0.0,0.0,0.1975424211999265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272006338411925,0.12291048372511253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32358813043872137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057531418612604565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174293093129782,0.0,0.0,0.21256537052895186,0.0,0.3930274168955299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890368090820545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731729121987337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541018811569205,0.0,0.08956152322385641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327943334503878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132093619415327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536016993615698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779152130802152,0.0,0.15087969935897702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997773725823008,0.0906571347677979,0.0,0.1318222913862622,0.08335088911711258,0.0,0.0,0.09845234356630386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854060434295022,0.09465074912692603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646856287861022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733320234310895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837308470564145,0.09347213198389502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625977127816442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadBoi2007,2018/12/14,"Anyone who’s received treatment for BPD: what are good/healthy coping strategies that help you deal with perceived abandonment? The smallest things (like not hearing back from someone, short answers, even just not having *that person* watch my instagram stories) make me feel like I’m being left behind. I can usually understand that what I’m thinking is mostly irrational, but it doesn’t make the thought go away. Instead, if i try to let it be, it will eventually explode into something way way worse and I’ll lash out. 

I can’t afford therapy but I can’t afford to keep treating people like this. Help. ",4.879636363636365,7.487694054545457,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,72.0909090909091,6.945454545454545,31.90909090909091,7.908726449838941,2.588745454545455,486,23,78,7,10,150,85,110,0.073,0.8270000000000001,0.1,0.4566,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,0,21,22,4,0,1,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,11,4,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,3,7,4,9,17,1,11,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,2,5,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094256767972054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594502542225066,0.14399800317938558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23585826108838664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306571597175448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368915201323945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468863698846852,0.13378473378712205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642906777168,0.1570720267951578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110653359231868,0.0,0.25104440625932245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664529467641781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034678948120778,0.19149484354407265,0.0,0.2744699534710115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25000650526751483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982847620113938,0.16351572865787636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867208718613626,0.14416852658708915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415797837338865,0.0,0.1244129445806248,0.1199941649552549,0.0,0.14867035977247187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714309487191616,0.0,0.0,0.19495322941061455,0.0,0.0,0.2062499189403835,0.0,0.0,0.2972902150412713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084271437075068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KotaClarisse,2018/12/14,Song relevance Has anyone else noticed the song Afraid by The Neighborhood somewhat sounds similar to what someone with BPD might think?,8.476363636363633,11.977762090909096,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545455,64.45454545454545,9.854545454545457,38.27272727272727,10.125756701596842,4.910563636363637,114,6,15,3,2,32,20,22,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575111661233187,0.3773481795950565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638379781985516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076521494796052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906887430477101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192912191039524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31204393595262386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235980078084318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,breakkkie,2018/12/14,"BPD episodes? Current diagnosis of EUPD and GAD.

Does anyone experience BPD as episodes rather than constant? I usually have 2 bad episodes a year (2 weeks after the clocks change) where I’m high as a kite as well as depressed (was previously diagnosed with bipolar and told I was having mixed episodes) but once those episodes end, I’m pretty stable. These episodes tend to last about 6 weeks but sometimes longer, then they eventually burn out. I had 5 months where my new partner couldn’t see any signs at all but now I’m in an episode she can see how it would fit to an extent. I’m not asking anyone to diagnose me, I’ve been referred back to psychiatry because GP thinks I may have bipolar too. Just wondering how other people experience their episodes? I hear people talk about them but I was always under the impression than it happened a lot. I don’t match the criteria outside of these episodes so it’s very confusing! The only constant is that I have dissociative seizures, which is the main reason I got the diagnosis. I see and hear things a lot too but usually when I’m really stressed.  I also have reactions to meds (serotonin syndrome or end up manic and psychotic) so after 16/17 medications not working my GP is asking them to try me on Lithium. Just waiting on a call for an appointment. Thank you for reading my rant x",3.760596179183136,6.2598515335968425,4.472238142292493,81.77473402503296,75.16600790513834,7.5368247694334665,29.90925559947299,8.472884824447931,2.4982386034255595,1070,49,194,21,24,342,156,253,0.057999999999999996,0.867,0.075,0.6258,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,4,1,18,7,0,2,14,0,18,5,0,3,1,32,38,21,0,3,11,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,1,10,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,7,5,22,3,28,28,5,31,0,1,3,0,14,11,0,6,20,125,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936771497996683,0.09298628430253073,0.0,0.0,0.07599492083545485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562786356079085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089453232373496,0.0,0.0,0.08593008318800087,0.09330791900405956,0.06812273875542599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281494458928771,0.0,0.11411087924372865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821837617081295,0.0,0.0,0.2415275604894473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962514902277798,0.226851045413423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779457915415908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979574977845626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862901854365055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937796405774613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988215717376817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519043524706213,0.0,0.0,0.11807170209140205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109247013818156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001442986469586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413083616454106,0.11257798118689433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919906178067867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793039265638237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190118079339142,0.0,0.0849921283137976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549489786498983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369155368730352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117818426141068,0.0,0.07159093719193006,0.1148992580758736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671546725099855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052519091333483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801108142639875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982170384357578,0.0,0.10288585994000016,0.0,0.0,0.0742427981043539,0.07160591361697348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678344380698132,0.0,0.07587200154097486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461572008048899,0.09220677443555927,0.0,0.0,0.1792807872093107,0.0,0.10047811016610854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118984432783232,0.0813564965150142,0.0,0.0,0.07938513107142776,0.0,0.0,0.07196436715203061
bpd,foup8,2018/12/14,"I just had an idea and want to know if it might be healthy for us. I was having very impulsive feelings an hour ago and I posted on r/makemychoice and people there motivated me to choose the “healthy” option. It just helped me so much that I’m in shock.
I have no close friends whom I can turn to during a crisis so I mostly go along with self-destructive feelings before giving it a second thought and end up crying in my therapist’s office.
I just thought that maybe using an instant messaging app in which we can communicate with each other and help each other calm down might be a good idea. But I’m not sure for several reasons:
1. It may be triggering for some of us.
2. It may make the person who is in a crisis worse if noone is available to answer at that moment.
3. We might not like each other after all and the group might cause some arguments.

What do you guys think about it?

If this is an unhealthy option I just strongly suggest everyone to share their impulsive feelings with someone they are close to. It worked like a miracle for me.

Note: I live in Turkey so we can try to bring together people from different locations so that time difference can be tolerated. ",3.4092857142857165,5.436923640692649,4.44350432900433,83.77668506493508,74.4978354978355,7.736883116883117,25.83571428571429,8.548686976883017,1.8829132467532468,935,33,179,18,20,304,140,231,0.125,0.7509999999999999,0.124,-0.3142,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,5,1,2,3,10,9,0,0,12,0,23,0,0,6,2,59,39,14,0,4,10,0,3,2,1,6,0,0,0,2,19,18,0,0,13,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,3,21,8,28,25,8,21,0,0,0,0,20,11,0,14,9,134,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626332443172254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102006110687267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123146233491049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316787559937291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504909507388883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617503785223498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454717618765944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183954950432504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261632149740104,0.0,0.0,0.11499650547777622,0.06812860322449757,0.10054675865574424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869662676606715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607014427906322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805424978502058,0.0,0.0,0.2706520563393595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588101422966199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171312496268279,0.0,0.10585318570030283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001852481435541,0.0,0.12043210221147932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086802823288578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812305393451933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621460523028558,0.10467157546278312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480859341656595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325305393257956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505738080405435,0.1354263746361606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015710077804858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298222522221735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139185908524997,0.0,0.07681204979667021,0.0,0.19033717318488466,0.06990097755984273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138830532506405,0.13039125782093694,0.0,0.0,0.2883934478641514,0.1035348459807402,0.0,0.09891070432282924,0.07070629228560141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872715526684181,0.0,0.122164440954642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dovelaaa,2018/12/14,"After years of failure and struggle, I've finally achieved something I've dreamt of for years, only to feel..... Awful? Failed out of school multiple times, failed relationships, failed everything.... I finally decided to chase my dream (at 25) and for the first time I'm REALLY doing well. Really. But after finishing my first semester of a horribly difficult program, I just feel really... Bad. What is going on, why am I incapable of feeling proud of what I've accomplished?",4.980873493975904,7.842160265060247,6.227334337349397,68.89473644578315,72.855421686747,11.378915662650607,32.06174698795181,10.9516,4.923796385542169,374,18,57,15,8,125,56,83,0.298,0.58,0.122,-0.96,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,8,2,8,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,8,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,1,2,0,3,5,2,15,8,0,15,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,11,34,7,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834737370191766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812063872788223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058410134569644,0.0,0.0,0.44173783194399263,0.0,0.3430020447258568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145873992340272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533439148540191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874959291481791,0.0,0.0,0.2164684059896704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405395588396194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552197802620618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107808759879238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513681019129826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812839268257648,0.0,0.1819340352057132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596781139152361
bpd,Draehosek,2018/12/14,"24/M Recently diagnosed with BPD, Confused, frustrated, and irritated. not sure what i'm to do next? I'm not the greatest at the whole reddit thing, I'm a long time reader of this sub Reddit since about April, when i was diagnosed with BPD.  


Aside my recent diagnosis, i have been able to work though i did take a few months off work after i was diagnosed to figure out if i was going to be able to continue working, or if i would have to find other means of supporting myself, i have somewhat of a social life,   


then again i'm pretty sure i've either pushed everyone away or scared everyone off by now, as i have really no one to talk to anymore, nor does anyone really reach out to talk to me either. << i'm unsure who my supports are, if i have any as my provinces mental health has failed me honestly, ive been reaching out for the help, but after i was diagnosed nothing came out of it, and i feel like i have just been doing research on how to get through this without the help from professionals.  
 i've asked my family for support, (still living with mom and dad) but even they are unsure how to help as they feel like they to tip toe around me in fear they might set me off, i've been fairly good at managing my reactions, how ever that's more so because i have secluded myself from everyone and everything, so i don't really see that as progress?   


i understand recovery isn't  going to happen over night or over weeks or months, i'm really unsure what i'm reaching out for. i just figured now is a better time than any i suppose?

For example, i'm currently working overnights monitoring camera's, i wont get so much into my work background as ive signed an NDA.  
But within that room there is usually 5-8 of us overnights, and even that can be overwhelming for me. more so the amount of conversation, and energy/emotions in the room have really begun to effect my mind set when i'm at work to the point where i've been feeling pretty disconnected from myself/my work and others.  


 I'm also thinking ADHD could also have a huge factor in my recovery, as i haven't necessarily been treating it at all over the years, i was diagnosed when i was in my earlier years. i think around nine or ten years old. In middle school i had a teacher; this teacher was the one that would give me my medication at school, as my mother was often already gone to work by the time i was up and to leave for school, so by the time i had finished middle school and was getting into high school, medication was a regular thing, but with having someone else manage my medication, come high school i wasn't able to manage doing so and ended up not taking it at all.  That being said, i could probably use some lifestyle changes as well.  


​

  


  


  


  
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bpd,Sabrina9458,2018/12/14,"Is there any way to affect or change bad dreams? I keep dreaming, very vividly, that my husband leaves me. I’d like to stop them if possible! ",1.7402380952380982,4.128544928571428,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,81.85714285714286,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.5433904761904769,110,4,23,1,3,34,26,28,0.18100000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.157,-0.2003,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449191855629671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30071614362926896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809984679505547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201241881750273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813543776083681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595457203055087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406023027669872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011074712803697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29716733499917497,0.0,0.28587595050899844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Absalom98,2018/12/14,"I'm at my end. Every therapist I've contacted has rejected me. Uni has gone to hell, now some of my family is doubting my diagnosis A few months ago I was diagnosed with BPD and to top that off my psychologist thought there's a likelihood I have another psychotic disorder, likely schizophrenia. Initially I was happy that I finally had a diagnosis, but now I'm more desperate than ever.   


I live in an ex-Communist country. We aren't exactly known for having the best mental healthcare, and as a result, there are very few professionals I could contact. I managed to contact everyone I could find and everyone has either said they don't treat clients with my diagnosis or have said that they have waiting lists up to a full year ahead. I have no one to turn to. On top of that, my uni has prevented me from finishing my Bachelor's because of some bureaucratic credit crap. I haven't had a relationship in months, my friends are virtually non-existent and they seem to distance themselves from me, while saying everything's fine. I had an argument with my Dad yesterday because he began questioning my diagnosis, saying he doesn't think I'm that bad off, like he knows shit when he sees me once a month... My mother doesn't even know.   


I don't know what to do anymore. My days have become cycles of depression, anxiety, paranoia and rage, all I can do to stay afloat now is to just hurt myself. Maybe this is just where the road ends for me. I'm exhausted, I hate myself, I'm too much weight on others. I guess I just wasn't meant to live this life. ",5.064632903328559,6.309175431438128,6.2223889154323935,75.81075808249723,68.93311036789298,10.511291606943779,31.62939958592133,10.608840637214634,3.5647065137760787,1230,52,231,36,21,412,167,299,0.19699999999999998,0.722,0.081,-0.9899,0,1,0,0,0,2,36.0,1,0,3,4,13,19,5,1,11,0,32,6,2,1,3,37,53,10,0,2,6,2,1,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,9,9,1,2,10,0,1,1,8,11,0,1,12,6,39,8,33,39,10,34,1,3,1,0,20,13,3,7,21,157,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695468001813824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651882826693492,0.09230186874463632,0.0,0.11965879616105372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074311202112644,0.14710212755522342,0.133255590817664,0.0,0.0,0.12662152059225446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196259927281067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266874562078207,0.0,0.0,0.07781344102217311,0.0,0.10392124018750973,0.1224637765161166,0.0,0.0,0.1382827669762343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373163808169832,0.0,0.0,0.07969246001834092,0.10914068417310602,0.10165827923563177,0.2305848540246695,0.1084382546109543,0.0,0.11374418108236138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321732644499112,0.11027782704175232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093218888861098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291670383781598,0.0,0.0,0.12844105514191925,0.0,0.1191232838237713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916524583609734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989289202239677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522323248514703,0.1178933125888745,0.0,0.2130837457988784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121564071917194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159334232547413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28892052793801976,0.0,0.08869638782893166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284952019774599,0.08175994619518702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516285911899376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953989357900886,0.0,0.0,0.2295438646692897,0.19190173432822802,0.0,0.0,0.09614758456700002,0.10984111808853432,0.0,0.0,0.12385213183145932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286037423938358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400914604256523,0.0,0.07731179361717422,0.0,0.09578775914650868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123959119462314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955422332014648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692707453573614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769881033582016
bpd,Kanggrooo,2018/12/14,"Have you ever had it where... Have you ever had it where you purposefully want to ruin and destroy all your relationships just because you feel so overly emotional that you just want to take it out on other people. 
It’s so awful and I’m such a horrible horrible person but I’m just in so much emotional pain for what seems like no reason.
I want to break things, I want to run and run and never stop. I want to hurt people. I want to do anything to make this pain go away. I’m so desperate.

Is this a common thing or am I alone?",1.2110909090909097,3.2631826545454565,3.4354545454545486,88.24318181818184,81.54545454545455,6.545454545454546,19.090909090909093,7.686295010490155,0.5914545454545457,412,10,88,7,11,141,64,110,0.26899999999999996,0.597,0.134,-0.9742,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,0,0,12,6,1,0,2,1,7,2,0,2,4,25,21,10,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,1,11,1,13,19,2,16,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,2,6,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236597964678565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290079860464894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147290157361647,0.0,0.0,0.09556526558134294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526892973023936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28361407525711857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926739735278497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909575080240772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782505089971805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658968578541142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464489522768528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524366098370092,0.0,0.12091034527120915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336277189666028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173685404721919,0.13688512845033918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118521236413932,0.0,0.16831183258868238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142717114923328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106636756786927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787119506890235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830145258302565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548004714156479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SaltyBit5,2018/12/14,"DAE tense up until their face is red and blurry vision when they're angry? Just curious if anyone else does this. I've done it ever since I was little, if I got told off I would go to my room hit myself etc then squuuueeze like the hulk lol and my face would be bright red, vision would have floaters and blurry...",2.0073958333333337,4.026065781250002,3.135625000000001,91.58020833333336,78.6875,5.5166666666666675,15.354166666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.5357520833333336,246,3,52,2,6,79,51,64,0.099,0.698,0.203,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,8,2,2,0,1,10,12,8,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,7,2,4,3,1,9,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,2,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390079353709812,0.26948202173912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301594282560565,0.2691477442555057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197088199103534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29332262111353424,0.0,0.2379051268645734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494730885871942,0.0,0.21035093441931693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849206370859606,0.26360237204760656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756232582410456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513147107579973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.560498440837808,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,S3YM0UR,2018/12/14,"I've just completed my first semester of university And I feel... awful. I feel angry at my friends and family for things that are in the past, I feel like doing all the substances I've quit, I feel like purchasing a bus ticket and quietly sneaking away. 

I feel I will never get rid of this emptiness inside me. I feel like breaking EVERYTHING. I feel like I should be happy and proud of myself right now, but I'm not. I feel like destroying my relationships, my health, and my education.

But I'm not going to. And I hate that I'm not going to. I've learned that acting out doesn't make me happy and that nothing can make me happy when I feel like this. All acting out does is make me feel good for a moment and then adds guilt and shame on top of my emptiness.

So I'm choosing to sleep instead because I can make that choice. I can choose how I handle these emotions. These feelings are an illness, they are not me.

Good night.
",3.1144028520499134,4.684984647058824,4.290181818181818,86.50860606060608,74.18716577540106,7.125704099821746,24.766131907308374,7.793537801064563,1.233918645276292,727,23,149,10,15,238,96,187,0.141,0.667,0.192,0.8214,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,6,17,2,2,5,1,12,3,1,5,3,42,35,15,0,1,7,0,11,6,1,2,2,1,0,0,10,12,0,0,14,1,1,4,6,4,0,1,0,12,28,13,15,32,2,21,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,14,96,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095455442919526,0.0,0.0,0.0619337022730656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652443769586208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890981865832591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428500617429148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091310475078812,0.0,0.09577833255748157,0.0,0.5650856190811729,0.4354933362465709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864199108189556,0.0,0.0,0.07849500214443675,0.0,0.05308119406203105,0.0,0.11548191009409682,0.17043255246366662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244615234736853,0.0,0.10030780814317823,0.0,0.10799480271867246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978163311386671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27127202529086625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835927918168824,0.0,0.0,0.09534361716975,0.0,0.09748681517732692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698757705096953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806285915469536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907911849738644,0.0,0.08676484360787505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167220101608852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749774653398137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mhlbiya123,2018/12/14,"How to deal with feeling excited about something I’m at a point in life where I’m trying to figure out my career. It seems like everyday I come up with a different plan. The one constant thing I can hold onto is my indecisiveness. It’s like I read about something and I find it appealing and I get sucked into the world of that career and imagine what my life would be like with that job. Then, the next day or the next few days it happens again except with a different career. This has happened so many times I have lost count. And it’s weird because there is no connection between these careers beyond the fact that I was extremely excited about them. Any advice on how to feel like I have some control and understanding of my own emotions and what I might actually be leaning towards vs just being excited?",5.8599999999999985,6.58308547770701,6.316439490445857,77.7402643312102,66.8343949044586,9.33732484076433,32.26050955414013,9.3871,2.8775559235668786,648,26,120,12,10,210,101,157,0.073,0.809,0.11800000000000001,0.7351,3,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,3,11,11,1,1,8,0,12,2,0,3,1,33,24,11,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,13,0,2,7,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,2,14,7,23,17,3,22,0,1,0,0,2,12,1,5,13,90,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.14866399435561542,0.0,0.0,0.14886701745628195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359790803822012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286638037530202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122930080114034,0.0,0.16462777857522096,0.17086471143113274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649620933085307,0.15705810068642462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183303123630372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713644504535149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405756953938854,0.10883328551465027,0.0,0.0,0.13923799476219728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795925025893951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694313774795433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117610920412938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520757738347013,0.2977067807934377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662994879950305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445106185813906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161098104443833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32403527844031393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323100541120428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401260367153626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238340831426067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386866012448246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456090948681105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120937670516836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883195163525667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343034181635072,0.0,0.0,0.1585935844683864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082195154350752,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadhairboii,2018/12/14,"Struggles... I'm new to Reddit and would like to use this as an outlet if I can. It's nice not to feel alone as someone who deals with bpd.
***Tw sexual abuse***
My grandmother's husband abused me for years when I was a kid. I didn't remember any of it until I was 15. she's chosen to stay married to him. I'm now 23 and still deeply struggling with how my family has chosen to deal with this. he's still allowed at family functions if I'm not present. Not really looking for advice but it's welcome. Just want to let it out. Thank you!",-1.20020959478342,0.7664525840707981,1.3489427107591998,95.9842617605962,102.80530973451329,4.502841173730788,16.566837447601305,6.339386263674448,-0.13812212389380507,414,12,92,6,19,140,78,113,0.038,0.833,0.128,0.8323,1,1,0,0,2,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,7,0,0,3,0,20,15,10,0,4,7,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,2,10,4,18,10,0,11,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,2,9,58,17,0,0.0,0.4063542111234667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756938161985824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760274107011462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661305293614535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597448802774252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535790433652303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32331430750662593,0.0,0.08670601488054559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535107993900229,0.0,0.08377702128721244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400096575730828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561754988217225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098552068576654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425469903396755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452954102017946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827760748689032,0.2738901137174377,0.0,0.0,0.3585386321481375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787679097056945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810464369382198,0.0,0.0,0.10114401703768648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181527910292002,0.0,0.0,0.11042822946531357
bpd,HannyLannyPanny,2018/12/14,How to get rid of your FP? Shit hit the fan when i told her i love her...How do i stop texting her? It is 7 days of nc. But you guess the urge is strong. What does help you? ,-3.5386991869918667,-2.060863853658532,-0.8371951219512184,113.23575203252035,102.17073170731709,2.7333333333333334,9.272357723577237,3.1291,-2.6063691056910567,126,1,40,0,6,42,32,41,0.11900000000000001,0.614,0.267,0.8042,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,4,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,1,3,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25107555400907416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34069161859849745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340068391806146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288736574910011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609492080559803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35137140832347696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996255943228059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254842359840293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37200655317278863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jjjenni,2018/12/14,"How to explain to boyfriend what BPD, dissociating, splitting, etc is? Hi everyone

My boyfriend and I recently started getting more serious in our relationship. Problem is, in order to get more serious with someone you have to learn more about them and most of the things about me involve my mental illnesses.

I’ve already told him I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder but never told him I was diagnosed with BPD since I didn’t want to overwhelm him at once

I hang out with him everyday. Recently i’ve been dissociating a lot and so I feel like nows a perfect time to tell him about my BPD and what it makes me do (dissociate, split, be impulsive, etc). Does anyone have advice on how to bring it up and how to tell him?",5.880600162206001,6.847875583941607,6.62549878345499,74.67349553933497,66.88321167883211,10.46845093268451,35.66017842660179,10.504223727775694,3.9094986212489857,573,28,106,15,9,189,84,137,0.078,0.848,0.07400000000000001,0.623,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,1,1,8,6,0,1,3,0,10,4,0,4,2,24,20,10,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,6,1,20,2,22,13,7,16,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,2,8,79,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717824297349596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549134211777689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981573404323092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304131430518159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849665945118319,0.0,0.0,0.1608882655178642,0.0,0.12284796013388576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131228291446202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413962574633334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098062105122366,0.10028788874148664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668608057903842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858284294325424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934651852269075,0.0,0.0,0.09370510324747486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414705705782383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827012978201156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950069792191928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432522187980886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772177032917505,0.15071616839195387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161242367170842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894397944853148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936207163588204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453975661010953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326259574546072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185702416460187,0.0,0.0,0.2682792514926667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280008203400152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TedTalkOnShoeLaces,2018/12/14,"A Personal Best I'm so happy with myself that I feel the need to share this.

This year I have been really getting my ass kicked by my depression, to the point where I haven't cleaned my room in an embarrassingly long time and I have been contemplating/planning my suicide. Tonight though, it changed. I put on some Dolly Parton and found myself actually wanting to clean, so I did! I've managed to clean half of my room and tomorrow when I wake up, I'm going to clean the other half! I found myself crying tears of joy the entire time.  I've never won against my mental health and tonight, by sheer chance, I've won. It's a small step to my full recovery, but it's a step none the less. I feel like a functioning adult, like a real person. I'm not my disorder or my mental health. I am a person who will one day recover and it feels amazing. What's even better is, I know i'm not just going through a manic episode. I know it is a new me starting to form. 

I hope everyone here makes a small step to full recovery soon because it feels amazing and it's what everyone deserves.

​",2.3747727272727275,4.360682386363639,3.8254545454545488,87.22818181818184,77.4090909090909,6.945454545454545,25.09090909090909,7.908726449838941,1.407154545454545,855,31,176,14,20,282,120,220,0.076,0.7290000000000001,0.195,0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,4,9,14,0,1,15,0,10,4,2,1,1,27,32,12,1,3,5,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,6,4,14,7,0,0,8,0,0,6,5,2,0,3,7,4,26,12,18,24,7,30,0,1,0,1,6,11,1,3,15,113,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.1269579524702311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096231815356194,0.1580846439300742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930720250639257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365309767053835,0.11506207964741605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376275949887407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290774999297368,0.08390315527622819,0.0,0.11205416233252356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910483738056704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592922712874435,0.0,0.0,0.2486305265187456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26312805163131586,0.09294282149110132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28529389135442074,0.0,0.0,0.06797140897855526,0.0,0.14787663087340616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849290883234708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765785145892177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921775924488468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299812357377434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271196952895915,0.0,0.0,0.11513360760752385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684215804348153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262218581974359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964668325678222,0.10034044460829383,0.1256505193915505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815851568671909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34079254223023897,0.0,0.0,0.1229856992023873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078552693998086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808125565787514,0.08334481345335812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208481106671773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230729709766365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278217030774684,0.0,0.15172366035812473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673581865674713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580846439300742,0.08377955354174439
bpd,NothingLeft2Give,2018/12/14,"DAE have self hate issues because of their interpersonal mistakes and losses? Just a preference, I’ve never been officially diagnosed with having BPD, but I know I have a few traits that are reeked havoc in my relationships in the past.

I am a quiet borderline. At least I was before. For me, that ended up being a big advantage of my close relationships… If I ever had anger or hostility, I would just avoid the person for a little while and come back to them later after I cooled off. Usually they never know the wiser, and I relationship was protected.

When I became suicidal last year, I ended up losing my friends a lot faster because I didn’t like the way that the intervened. They call the cops on me several times, and notify my family when I did not want them to. So I ended up losing them… I’m sure some of you have made the same mistakes and can possibly relate.

I’m having the biggest problem forgiving myself for these things. Because I know in their eyes, I’m the toxic person… The person that every therapist referred to when they say you should cut them out. I really hate that so much. It makes me hate myself so much, I can be consumed for hours and hours with the self-hatred that I have. Can anyone else relate to this? How do you deal with this?



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bpd,OlympicApologizer,2018/12/14,"How to deal with hypersexuality while in a stable relationship Hello!
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now. When we started dating, he could keep up with my hypersexuality and we would have sex almost everytime I wanted it. Now 4 months later I barely get it 2 times a week and it is starting to get to me. Everytime he refuses it, I take it super personnal and end up crying and panicking because I think it's my fault. I find it hard to deal with because I am constantly horny for him and I feel like I barely get enough. I started fantasizing over other guys having sex with me and I feel guilty because this shouldn't be happening. So far I have been completely loyal and I'm really proud of this. I'm just wondering how to deal with this all the healthiest way possible. (Masturbating doesn't fill the need for sex).",3.1879629629629638,5.4508769320987644,5.083728395061732,77.85077777777782,75.97530864197532,8.51753086419753,24.997530864197532,9.21078282632365,2.259401975308643,661,23,126,17,15,226,94,162,0.081,0.82,0.099,0.5828,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,4,0,13,3,0,2,1,32,30,12,0,5,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,15,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,20,4,19,24,2,22,0,0,0,3,12,5,0,2,16,84,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520806740823469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777444055643613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923783841990655,0.16412270445260274,0.0,0.12125966975604785,0.0,0.16682733647526934,0.0,0.4697287504684523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451599410532708,0.15692726724969044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358492456755446,0.10849938757428626,0.0,0.0,0.13881081589452215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380449440339193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037992987209847,0.1343023841997844,0.0,0.1360499896848879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349933006002441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419835586157181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424500330217081,0.0,0.0,0.11261323991376815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121601756282406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729488595359984,0.0,0.0,0.1630566978054781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224932957277176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419094866187647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973152395014614,0.0,0.0,0.0885594173131578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957969206977102,0.12055114717024128,0.12182480373484846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470174221912684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078875005267676,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LimeGreenSea,2018/12/14,"Desensitizing words or phrases. I made a post about positivity and started it with 'fellow crazies' it got quite a bit of hate. Crazy means either excited or those with mental illness. There is nothing wrong with having a mental illness. I believe calling myself 'crazy' is like a gay person calling themselves 'fag'. It's true to definition, but not by definition of the slur. 

If you don't identify as crazy, that's fine, but don't shit on people who oppose your opinion. The post I made was to share my experiences of getting better and that it is not impossible. People saw 'fellow crazies' as an offense and ignored that I was trying to promote positivity. 

BPD is a mental illness, a retardation, a crazy person, a stable human, a person. The message matters, not the label.",5.522707930367504,7.537127099290783,6.983558994197294,67.82454545454547,68.78723404255321,7.964152159896841,33.38555770470664,8.575989854853784,3.1513205673758864,615,29,93,10,11,210,85,141,0.107,0.6459999999999999,0.247,0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,3,2,11,3,0,14,0,9,5,1,2,1,24,17,10,0,1,9,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,4,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,6,1,8,6,14,11,2,4,0,0,1,1,13,1,1,4,2,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704170616051216,0.0,0.13377626679329618,0.16513561921164707,0.0,0.19050537729927186,0.0,0.30890463971482884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796029671321778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902656869834923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097561586013435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933691736369353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738974922226899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862497888881992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647653611186091,0.0,0.0,0.4573003949848574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451370609295506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097278486558419,0.3962204941042183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897285623137567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088253313873946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526515877445166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706187729806207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269491154475463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537793836505882,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vulcaneus,2018/12/14,"Need advice on how to go forward Lately things have been turning rotten inside my head again and I'm thankful I can at least recognize it. A big part of it is my inability to not let certain things go, whether I want to or not. 

The thing that's eating at me tonight is my feelings for my best friend. We dated about a year ago and it was NOT a good relationship. Afterward we became close, but I eventually left her life because of how she treated me. I reached out a while after and we became best friends. Since then (about 5 months ago) she hasn't ever done anything negative to me since then, she's a much better person..but that has its own negative side. It seems no matter how hard I try to tell myself that that piece we had has ended, I can't not be in love with her. I'm not acting on it, I know I shouldn't, but it causes a lot of pain and frustration for me. She's my FP but I haven't talked about the my feelings, but she's not stupid either. 

At this point, I'm not sure what to do. As long as she's in my life I'll feel this way and it takes its toll, but she's a fantastic person who actually understands BPD and has it herself. It seems silly to think about throwing away such a close friendship because I can't stomach my own feelings. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What decision did you end up making?

Tldr: I still have feelings for my ex/best friend, which causes a lot of emotional pain for me and I don't know how to cope",2.343486842105264,3.854156006578947,3.8635842105263163,89.02088947368422,76.10526315789474,6.837684210526318,23.673157894736843,7.554174236665415,0.9277901578947368,1142,35,249,15,25,379,156,304,0.13,0.731,0.14,0.3002,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,4,1,0,3,12,18,2,0,12,0,24,8,2,7,3,58,47,23,0,3,15,0,6,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,24,15,1,0,12,0,0,5,16,5,0,0,6,7,42,13,35,38,11,41,0,0,0,1,24,18,0,5,19,183,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.10060102655644514,0.0,0.0,0.10073841242738353,0.1827662342147625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208296613884713,0.10562794795189642,0.08483433462383419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968565038439741,0.0,0.0,0.12568548610349922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32455996996020264,0.09117477956305008,0.0,0.0,0.1298383203328201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21180377588649896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054969223479885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548686670544656,0.0861185159748059,0.11596244070818283,0.18261438685114076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932508602828717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606271564212819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894137131640295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717691235656465,0.08646705032185613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234844381388672,0.0,0.10580014190340904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331120065551033,0.0,0.11629007671433797,0.0,0.11200765062095973,0.10541656977976772,0.14563111465789108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123145806230376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752869630650408,0.09304280305246006,0.0,0.06881341481621478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228550146912361,0.0,0.0757830549780374,0.07643997241722343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193901820961687,0.0,0.0,0.11163648772450342,0.0,0.0,0.1800285261068705,0.0,0.0,0.09745342730242457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068014286986534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769863564246028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055432403345375,0.1158775454960254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232785419606885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716116048268686,0.0,0.07751089456882974,0.08285988435341035,0.0901052553477615,0.09491147563929583,0.0,0.0,0.20546536310579047,0.06605594714230162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999138297682814,0.11213238101623234,0.0,0.10732038697023827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080518770439434,0.08182809029927628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638661798453628
bpd,signalhill7654,2018/12/14,"Running away from arguments I feel flooded as soon as my SO even brings up negative emotions about himself. It may or may not have anything to do with me but I always run away or break down when it happens. I find myself incapable of dealing a negative SO. He told me he was in a bad mood and instead of staying calm I told him I needed to get out of the house. He was visibly hurt by my decision. He said all he wanted to do was talk but I cannot, I don’t know how to. I immediately felt this intense anxiety and fear that the conversation would go South so i took my keys and went away. I left him with our child. How do i stop running away at ANY sign of negativity? My SO is loving and kind but I feel like I’m never emotionally available. He always tells me that he is never able to express himself with me. I also admit that i have been emotionally abusive. I turn his negative feelings about us to me being the victim that he doesn’t get heard. I’m tired of feeling flooded at any sign of conflict, no matter how slight. ",1.8367535545023657,3.8551879715639816,3.9595710900473935,85.46513862559245,79.23696682464454,6.684454976303318,25.715876777251182,7.734863291789972,1.4755476777251189,806,32,166,13,20,276,120,211,0.237,0.665,0.098,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,0,14,9,1,1,5,0,18,2,0,3,3,39,42,20,0,3,6,0,5,1,0,3,1,2,0,1,7,8,0,2,9,0,0,7,11,4,0,0,11,7,32,4,31,27,1,26,0,1,0,1,27,12,0,4,6,123,39,0,0.11936930053803482,0.14143310172509832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545958651332602,0.19864964104587324,0.0,0.0,0.16235043542719338,0.0,0.09131718818345322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823076341923764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486055490102877,0.0,0.09966837989024464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230645073663164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40282318931004696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884229720668623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343236497462762,0.2414268199928081,0.0852774521554861,0.11461324812258752,0.0,0.10910137813454818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473106548986565,0.0,0.06784032436237558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555787824261524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773614599181627,0.1277873050805627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430475746749327,0.06560224579880211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296950943044344,0.0,0.0,0.058317810666615136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773545422422794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851082382603777,0.18412992691777144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354754010644398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272317917827278,0.0,0.09979808025325387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594452214373214,0.10433403008514007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371974510349884,0.0,0.22812496424617,0.13262368506392908,0.0,0.1298395212278439,0.0,0.0,0.1435865709929368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704071062092659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065653750860538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479652622967285,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadlosteyez,2018/12/14,Was it weird of me to give him a hug? I have been friends with this guy for many months. The first time we hung out he gave me a hug when I dropped him off. Today he bought me something and when I dropped him off I gave him a hug. He didn't say anything but now I feel weird about doing it. Was it weird for me to give him a hug?,-1.0425000000000004,0.6427228000000014,0.4955833333333324,108.207375,87.66666666666666,3.75,16.041666666666668,3.1291,-1.538433333333333,250,5,71,0,8,79,44,75,0.073,0.758,0.16899999999999998,0.8053,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,5,0,6,4,0,0,0,6,12,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,7,2,15,5,10,5,0,12,0,0,0,4,16,3,0,0,7,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24763232649387726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215468920281547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559632319483043,0.0,0.0,0.23249080275921905,0.0,0.0,0.5773416486592672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979590810290251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050866424069025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401922553629559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393044414600126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166367215062786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546944343927576,0.0,0.28523790336903604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,c-tl-n,2019/04/16,"Looking after my health for once? So pretty much, my two friends are mad at me because I’m supposed to be going to a ball tomorrow. My mood has taken a really bad turn where I couldn’t even get out of bed. Mentally things have been torture for a year now and I’ve been trying to put one foot in front of the other. 

My exams are looming and a placement I need to pass to progress to third year at uni, as well as working and my dad being sick. I’m literally just trying to stay afloat at the moment and my friends have me writhing in guilt about this. This is why I never cancel plans because I can’t handle the aftermath of shame, but there was no way I was going to be able to do sort out my hair and tan etc tonight and then go to work tomorrow morning.

Do you think I’m in the wrong for cancelling and trying to look after myself here? How do you guys cope with guilt and shame?",4.5715773955773935,4.401990383783783,5.32044226044226,86.87265356265358,69.48648648648647,8.024570024570023,27.62899262899263,7.348242739294969,1.2800270270270264,691,20,152,6,11,225,115,185,0.157,0.785,0.057999999999999996,-0.96,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,4,10,12,2,4,8,0,18,4,2,1,1,19,31,14,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,4,11,0,0,1,1,0,6,4,8,1,3,5,3,17,3,31,22,2,29,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,1,12,104,21,3,0.1630540555653781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614332562463974,0.19879247771925387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818483733484436,0.10769566590150946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519503177134763,0.0,0.08518901422494753,0.0,0.2780021320799683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614491503318221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733188363146134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27384868092331377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643201372867439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198634920806426,0.12090251615129174,0.1257573396156954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364724766843248,0.11048964792322598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658845935010978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391436167554488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445660323289413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737939282002687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832586928839004,0.10447845497209417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321090017387497,0.17735599030440194,0.15928011960645067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942471976623154,0.0,0.0,0.1466051779581301,0.0,0.1471309237117843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23741058883204885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827401310627547,0.0,0.2100029316937992
bpd,indurat1ve,2019/04/16,"Anyone else learning self control of emotions? I’m struggling when it comes to dating, now I feel to cold. Like I’ve shut everything off. 😒😒

I wish I knew balance.",0.28181818181818485,2.701146878787881,2.002181818181821,92.46327272727272,95.36363636363636,3.852121212121212,24.78181818181818,5.6839178017228535,0.6957927272727278,129,6,25,1,5,42,27,33,0.087,0.75,0.163,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778997863028474,0.31914209083589024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683074137432338,0.0,0.0,0.3493447617582125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601966977565441,0.35036651287494763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799328959524949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574906968121351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217054407984965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32493548457448085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256204260389175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581799185693856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stripedteapot,2019/04/16,"I feel like my jealousy is literally going to kill me. I'm completely aware of how irrational it is. I'm not exclusive to him. I can't expect him to be to me. Technically I'm fine with that. But even just thinking of him talking to another woman... I start shaking. I'm overwhelmed with fury and fear and self-hatred. I want to kill anyone who ever looks at him. It's physically so unbearable and I find it so impossible not to act out and do utterly stupid insane things because of it.

How can I live like this?",1.109294871794873,3.5131646730769246,3.788076923076925,83.34025641025643,84.96153846153845,7.3128205128205135,24.051282051282055,8.344100000000001,1.883201282051282,402,16,81,10,12,141,67,104,0.265,0.655,0.08,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,19,16,9,2,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,0,2,13,3,14,15,0,7,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,4,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24528568915689156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356241846910607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259556157799874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452608427645694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450206300492114,0.21159418166577607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632252196019238,0.11827706407330332,0.16711261280586726,0.0,0.0,0.2137987932325009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294222061329233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175960094231378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22856315397056504,0.0,0.2065557915464403,0.0,0.1964340245248224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24402974846539896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556989695613228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801616810285987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540616367202495,0.14988659662049655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797217413669755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leopardonmyright,2019/04/16,Impossible to Love? I’m in a real moment of need rn. I’m overwhelmed with my life and the fact that I can’t keep a partner because I’m so difficult. I feel like life without love is pointless and I ruin everything with anyone who has ever loved me. Does it ever get better?? Does anyone have any stories of success? I need some hope rn.,0.4242028985507247,2.8368067826086967,2.9623188405797087,87.4794202898551,89.86956521739133,4.8057971014492775,22.159420289855074,6.42735559955562,0.7109246376811602,264,10,51,3,9,91,50,69,0.127,0.598,0.275,0.9025,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,0,1,3,0,4,5,0,0,3,15,16,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,7,7,16,1,4,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,2,4,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962852744094805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665726759318156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620053304918243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685884076884381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336266989450309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34485444606520393,0.0,0.0,0.17131748123745505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963834900660099,0.13617937663972507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959138269661524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932924159651476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694323252626082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269281898434292,0.093127584171876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161275329205229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826854815625006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169679461414664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375143168117994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilHeavy,2019/04/16,"DAE wonder why we have a negative reputation online? I got this theory. its a little tinfoil hat, but....I dont know, hear me out.

idk, i'm pretty well liked. i'm still friends with all of my ex's. i have a lot of friends. I'm friends with all my coworkers. most people i meet like me! I went to a borderline group, most of the people were nice! 

But sometimes i try to read online about our condition, and like, i get these websites that are like

1) my ex had borderline, she was AWFUL. she did (long long long list of horrible things).

2) i was really nice though, i was like ""hey baby please stop screaming at me""... but she didn't stop screaming at me

3) so i urge all bpd people, PLEASE stop dating non-bpd people. you dont realize how toxic and poisonous you are!

And like, honestly, the first few times i was like ""omg thats sad poor dude, his gf really hurt him, maybe i should be celibate forever, we are an awful people."". And my ex's were like ""why you sad? Im happy we met and happy we're still friends?"" 

Then i read a lot of them. then i saw the patterns. then im like..........

im starting to think there's a certain type of narcissistic dude, who like, after he breaks up with one of us, the only thing that makes him feel better is going online, saying the entire relationship not turning out to his standards is our fault, we're toxic mean spirited evil bad and motivated by our desire to hurt people. The picture he paints is so incredibly bpd=evil non-bpd=soft gentle innocent baby.

I dont know, there's that one subreddit, that talks about being raised by borderlines, and uhh.... the whole front page doesn't sound like me at all? I'm a good parent! like, other people ask me to babysit their kids all the time and i try to model myself after mister rogers and really get on their level and work through problems together. If i ever feel emotionally overwhelmed I shelf all those feelings until i'm alone and then self harm and never tell anyone about it like a responsible human being? I dont like, hit people and yell at them and break things and emotionally incest them or any of that weird stuff!

The only big fights i've had with my ex's were like, he was really rude to a waitress so i snapped at him. Not in front of the kids. i did it responsibly when we were alone. i went hard and said ""the way you treat service workers is a direct reflection of the amount of respect you have for all people , for anyone who's not you. Its disgusting"" but i didnt hit or punch, i dont even feel like that was that mean to say. 

I dont know. i'm starting to feel like, the guys who are attracted to an emotionally immature super hot girl and then gets mad when ""whoopsy, my mentally disabled girlfriend turned out to be emotional!"" might not exactly be free from blame or objective in their reports?

IDK, you can find lots of hateful posts from people who date people with disabilities. I googled around and saw people say ""never date autistic people, they're inherently narcissistic""... with these big goofy stories about their mean awful autistic girlfriend RUINING them and they're a nice sweet baby angel man who tried his dangdest... feels the exact same.

I dont know, your thoughts? Wrong subreddit?",2.861553884711782,4.948324650793651,4.04179615705932,85.77086466165416,76.30158730158729,7.087719298245614,23.27485380116959,8.032893268588372,1.268555555555556,2510,77,497,42,57,818,286,630,0.163,0.64,0.196,0.9658,2,2,0,0,1,0,118.0,8,8,8,6,19,58,7,1,27,3,43,2,0,3,13,93,86,39,0,4,11,5,8,17,7,2,1,9,0,7,26,33,0,3,20,2,2,5,17,21,1,3,24,20,72,38,57,53,17,55,2,6,2,1,74,17,0,11,46,295,98,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990452235558065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251629402787731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686765391472672,0.0,0.0,0.0425660821857682,0.044701195102540184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03992408566402321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042289072801402885,0.0,0.0,0.2408886407965259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922772489170745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151447635338887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03158179786903721,0.04325200936261951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450622311750199,0.06831904579595774,0.0,0.0,0.04370265445774569,0.040671982922695984,0.0,0.0,0.14776906647930738,0.0,0.07494513930696033,0.0,0.02717474613614848,0.04010551386586995,0.03824255788366897,0.0,0.0,0.04734502906152644,0.0,0.10180133580126376,0.04283344673009127,0.047208073014090114,0.0,0.0,0.05389173316972072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237532345622903,0.0,0.15494738051536924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511296296409592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971254435263677,0.04792386113772973,0.0,0.12694608498966248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195351353278915,0.0,0.0,0.031917329801314766,0.0,0.048037265544038636,0.1562558408568956,0.0,0.0,0.04818694715484975,0.05072486768589915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375678207743161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480226846869798,0.07273194060667194,0.0,0.0,0.05309364090510632,0.0,0.0,0.4309417288565288,0.0,0.0,0.10497448976016023,0.0,0.0,0.04579419263980479,0.04864572457660661,0.0,0.045753136796081326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565721554702764,0.0,0.12252776569131155,0.0,0.0,0.05133613310528118,0.0,0.0,0.04548365011190967,0.11407481553857697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988217011588217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729091846817975,0.0,0.06768835207979501,0.0,0.07637130874055427,0.11992811891364813,0.0,0.0,0.05473750026157068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384324228534496,0.041793001545514366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529981580639624,0.03063834945424425,0.04697865120816765,0.037960299468692886,0.05576340127209019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739109996304793,0.1040194327184719,0.0,0.0,0.05751636142614226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03795385176086849,0.0,0.0,0.04299202811988927,0.08865120688512709,0.08629240655236392,0.053384485921021775,0.0,0.0,0.0518540524555425,0.034810375912991035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227892691961682,0.0,0.0
bpd,ocddco27,2019/04/16,"I know this isn't a healthy thing to ever actually want, necessarily, but a lot of the time in relationships, me being male, I view the ranging obsessive fellings and behavior as a result of how much I actually like the girl... So, I'm constantly looking for a girl who becomes somewhat obsessed with me since I view that as how much they must obviously love me... 
 
How do I stop this madness from consuming yet another amazing person and potential wonderful relationship? ... especially, when at some point during the start of relationship, I slip into auto pilot and don't notice very obvious and negative thought processes until someone is helping me pick up my life off the ground, again.",15.082560975609761,9.624632032520324,14.34233739837398,47.004237804878045,53.87804878048782,18.153658536585365,55.14024390243903,15.247664890283005,7.975180487804877,552,30,86,18,4,187,90,123,0.131,0.7040000000000001,0.165,0.7816,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,2,9,0,6,2,0,5,4,24,14,13,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,4,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,4,12,3,15,11,5,17,0,0,3,1,11,7,0,4,10,66,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.3369414857777203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102702522128256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906661919831466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656140834186208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616184292181276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571627051255524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948778695680194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194001847675895,0.08434268623804639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497326458058454,0.0,0.0,0.1467714888064812,0.15581342146558452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538190316253655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655062516811006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074170002327836,0.0,0.0,0.16319963977199742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5560489747647646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280874985257536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627644915263566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219475997636205,0.0,0.0,0.14433391915341795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469366846185615,0.0,0.0,0.13705606768915146,0.1006671786879356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244524030714026,0.10182694446272138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721961161462772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,healthstudy2020,2019/04/16,"Survey of Women’s Mental and Reproductive Health You are being invited to participate in an anonymous online survey to understand women’s experiences of mental health and reproductive issues. We are exploring the intersections of opinions about pregnancy options and mental health. 

If you (a) are currently located in the US, (b) identify as a woman, (c) are between the ages of 18 and 44, (d) have a mental health condition/disorder, (e) have had sex with a male partner within the past 12 months, (f) are physically able to become pregnant when not using contraception (to the best of your knowledge), and (g) are not currently pregnant nor actively trying to become pregnant, you are eligible for this study. 

If you choose to participate in this study, you will be asked a series of multiple choice and open-ended questions about mental health and pregnancy. The survey should take approximately 15-20 minutes to complete. At the end, you will have the opportunity to enter for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card. No identifying information will be collected as a part of this survey. Please see the flyer attached and contact [eklann@iu.edu](mailto:eklann@iu.edu) with any questions. 

If you would like to participate, please follow the link: [https://iu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_cCQfwkwwwpAGoPH](https://iu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cCQfwkwwwpAGoPH%22%20%5Ct%20%22_blank)

Indiana University IRB# 1810940452

**\*TW: This survey asks questions about abortion and pregnancy\***",10.219052711993886,13.050081753246758,9.171749427043546,53.507876241405675,58.307359307359285,11.49590017825312,36.5319582378406,11.326091736570909,5.152883677107205,1219,53,152,35,17,381,134,231,0.018000000000000002,0.875,0.107,0.9603,2,0,0,0,0,0,86.0,2,8,0,3,4,4,0,0,19,0,19,6,0,1,0,31,26,16,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,5,4,12,0,0,9,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,32,17,2,16,0,0,1,1,22,6,0,8,8,103,14,0,0.101698122994508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915821101350007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014803352477386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463517366340174,0.0,0.0,0.10672590580715308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662854707198194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655485966388612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014870274201414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948027862845073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405017456226703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614641840441308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968456592450345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124389416232971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117447151752775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012915679331346,0.0970823657807348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326799934960465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417755173880366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104023712625222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646433200430222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904634987315249,0.0,0.0,0.1058713326142223,0.12233032020277718,0.0878345257478614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224342871360401,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatdo8,2019/04/16,"Don't really know how to feel After wondering for a while if I was bipolar or something, I stumbled upon BPD online several weeks ago. After reading a bunch about it, I felt like it really accurately described me. Like I finally found an explanation for the way I am.

I finally got to see my doctor, which of course I used the opportunity to bring up my suspected BPD. I'm pretty certain I have BPD to an extent, so I was kind of taken aback about how the appointment unfolded. After talking about the person who I believe to be my current FP, the doctor basically said that unless I had desires to kill my FP or myself, or were drastically changing my appearance between appointments, that I don't fit the profile. He said people with BPD are just that extreme, and that you can spot them from a mile away. I've never had any intention or desire to hurt my FP, and of course, I kind of have to downplay any desires to harm myself at appointments, because I don't want to get gooned. So I received no diagnosis or any changes to medication or anything like that.

I know we're not supposed to seek a diagnosis on here, so I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. I just feel really lost and confused right now. Almost like I'm not being taken seriously.",7.887476190476192,6.605418587755108,8.988826530612249,66.9814710884354,63.122448979591844,12.085034013605444,37.96768707482993,11.20814326018867,4.321442176870748,994,43,179,24,12,345,138,245,0.109,0.8,0.091,-0.6517,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,2,12,15,1,1,12,0,15,4,0,4,3,39,38,17,1,5,13,0,3,4,0,0,4,2,0,1,10,4,0,0,8,1,0,3,8,6,0,0,13,6,28,9,33,23,2,24,0,2,1,0,9,8,0,11,15,124,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338685330748496,0.0,0.105493298348369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492583840412996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669447720463216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898025371277758,0.0,0.0,0.06422068115620977,0.0,0.0,0.1186939264179084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5307410190599389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289369985923932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156613821356108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653674680876148,0.0,0.10115299200419907,0.2308126256141762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551137509238064,0.0,0.0,0.055041283083945326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425841117091766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112779878947562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655470871969473,0.21941264808662653,0.11579574880638885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587571271876245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150025052318085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612953570422128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125279289408995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303676522079701,0.09198798471138532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089664829487333,0.10717932298229672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537899979839538,0.0,0.2699608873673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996874322711051,0.20042488289309812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395070112223907,0.0,0.0,0.1190160673943318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110395451500378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992915904862342,0.0,0.0,0.08467673362569157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098899856110687,0.0,0.0,0.062138448810099764,0.08362231566505526,0.08450580880298489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506243141913374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424811295227776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thedoors31,2019/04/16,"Happy birthday too me I'm so over everything at this point. Little back story..

So I'm a divorced mom with two of little girls, ages 2 &4. I got divorced about a year and a half ago. The divorce was a disaster. Their dead beat dad fought me over everything and I drained all my savings for a lawyer.

Prior to the divorce I was a stay at home mom. So I only had 6000 saved. He left me with nothing. Turned off all credit cards when he left and didn't help with anything.

I also had him arrested for domestic abuse on the day he left. Long story short it was hell for a year.

When the divorce ended. He was granted 6 days a month. So basically I do everything. Plus for child support I get a whopping 160 A week. I work as a CNA and have to drive my girls a hr to daycare everyday because it's the only one that takes the voucher I have. Another worry is my voucher expires soon. It was granted from dcf after my ex abused me.

So my birthday is coming up. Last year it was horrible. My mom threw a surprise 30th with all her friends! She only invited one of mine, saying the rest didn't get back to her. Long story short she is a narrsist and are relationship can be Rocky. When she says jump I say how high. She wants me to travel for my bday a hr to have cake at her house then two days later for Easter as well. I'm just so sick of it. She also said dont expect anything and when she says that she means it. My dad I haven't seen in maybe 5 months, yet he lives 30 mins away. Can't even come say hi on my bday, hasn't even seen my new apartment. 

Now to my bf... We are going on 1 year may 5th. He's a great guy but lately we don't get along. He can be selfish at times and doesn't handle me when I'm having a rough day. He rather run away from it. We live together and all I can think is what the fuck did I do. My girls love him and so does my family. I love him, but the guy can't seem to commit to anything. One day he says he wants to get a house and then I don't hear about it for a month or so. I told him if we continue like this I would want to be engaged before I'm 32. We have a age Gap and he's 26 and I'm 31.. he's very mature but not egaer to move to the next level. 

I never got a proper wedding or proposal. I only did a town hall thing because I was pregnant. I'm scared I could be wasting be my time. When I ask about being engaged I get ""when it's the right time"" or ""when I have the money"". Basically all excuses because he has money to buy toys and work late ( hes a Plummer) and for the right time, you either know or you don't. 

So for my birthday my only wish is for everyone to leave me alone, besides my kids. If I'm not getting engaged or nothing is planned for me.....I want to just be away from everyone. I'm beyond depressed and at the point of moving out and really being alone.. might do me some good.",0.1390597892229195,2.0112635921696587,2.410960925969082,95.1076653978612,84.36704730831973,5.262373443123852,19.68121908904943,6.42735559955562,-0.02580098397162045,2174,61,512,21,63,738,264,613,0.08800000000000001,0.815,0.09699999999999999,0.743,0,2,0,0,7,0,76.0,5,2,1,4,36,22,3,1,37,0,56,4,0,1,7,71,99,51,1,11,16,6,1,1,2,3,1,8,1,7,15,30,0,0,4,2,4,10,14,6,1,6,21,11,73,16,64,66,8,95,1,1,2,3,74,34,2,11,51,321,88,4,0.0,0.15020725554242428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618904863021967,0.0,0.0,0.13130032657566384,0.0,0.1013816591058811,0.0,0.06868015187653073,0.0,0.0,0.06646714844945187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648712928307154,0.0,0.059258602329056026,0.0,0.17866346575529096,0.09748189715557548,0.0,0.11592099472516056,0.0,0.053937954083764436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920515421891197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060962977671294,0.0,0.0,0.2043979384977886,0.0,0.054595419458208436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547068473459664,0.0,0.07428948549518465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561423651772527,0.0,0.0,0.0837334749759993,0.0,0.0,0.12113863155859116,0.17090535058431516,0.0,0.059755938881378985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048972898414384465,0.058600570554396984,0.19870360049655567,0.0,0.036024483707451614,0.05316628989288428,0.10139328599496293,0.06988476151698718,0.0,0.12552685640635886,0.0,0.06747699766164615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144213431883396,0.0,0.04248719505153037,0.06697220049860847,0.06358266611353543,0.0,0.0,0.14628094997615398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03483602204387259,0.05166913888719192,0.1430073515228367,0.06711803622315705,0.2066115775073318,0.0,0.0,0.030967850462974383,0.12706152588176547,0.11194435767534502,0.11219159503270157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441909076626035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368109866681597,0.06904739134073594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724394628594328,0.0,0.2227154448266986,0.15178550009990224,0.13474141292123362,0.0,0.0,0.04888822108862362,0.06121988392511829,0.06741315075675362,0.0,0.0,0.12164371656774255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885869768353525,0.24104462616405395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984304189236755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060755045090832,0.0,0.0,0.06805427662099521,0.0,0.10826487689317356,0.0602958719173577,0.3024489217460237,0.06346178116458358,0.0,0.0,0.05770544986743621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756246602925667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193119751306129,0.0,0.0,0.04765938788432965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421117293318377,0.040616045324133605,0.0,0.0,0.14784666105316685,0.0,0.0,0.06056931577929558,0.0,0.0,0.06894721923897343,0.12384043310933256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230119050920267,0.1495499719002639,0.0,0.05084549732854513,0.0,0.05699282741394403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289230793100568,0.0,0.0,0.0922934708309696,0.06437291641831527,0.0,0.04502854469403916,0.0,0.0,0.16327746412701985
bpd,makrippy,2019/04/16,"Every Disappointment or Criticism feels like the worst Rejection to ever exist and I end up having an episode every time. Little back story. I’m a senior in college, Graphic Design major. Its been extremely difficult to make it this far as I’ve nearly failed the past two years from attendance problems (~depression~ lol). I also receive no financial help for living or for college so I’ve pretty much been on my own for the past four years, having to work a ton trying to stay afloat and not having any kind of stability (a borderlines worst nightmare :) ). 

But I keep pushing bc being poor sucks and I look forward to the paycheck after college. I’m discouraged a lot along the way because all my peers are winning contests and awards, except for me. I consider myself to be very good at what I do, better than a lot of the others and I’m not saying that to be braggy just trying to be honest. So I’m in my final semester now. I’ve got two weeks left. I’ve gotten rejection letters from multiple companies from getting hired. Stress is building. I had a competition today to illustrate a cover for a local baseball team program and I had never been more positive in my life that I was gonna win it. Everyone was telling me I was going to win it. And it was going to look so good on my portfolio to have that published. Even my professor told me she thought mine was going to be the one chosen. Then this morning they announced it and mine was not the one and when I saw the ball of stress inside of me exploded and tears welled up and I had to stare at the wall the rest of class to keep my composure but the minute I left class and got to my car I had one of the worst episodes of my life. 

Rejections like this, to me, feel like how it feels to be cheated on by someone you love more than anything. Something so small and that’s how I genuinely felt about not winning that today. Those company rejection letters were similar feelings, all of which make me cry every time. I feel like a fucking idiot. 

Anyone else get the same way when losing competitions/rejections/criticisms?",4.1626814516129045,5.938255655086849,5.220818083126551,80.06276558622831,71.85359801488832,8.213678660049629,28.72278225806452,8.841846274778883,2.4329578784119112,1651,65,299,32,32,543,213,403,0.149,0.745,0.106,-0.9591,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,1,10,17,36,4,2,24,1,27,4,0,4,4,46,58,28,0,1,10,0,6,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,19,14,0,3,7,2,2,8,6,20,1,6,21,11,37,16,53,30,15,49,0,9,4,2,12,19,2,4,25,219,56,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770565248687081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607794448510698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794250783066715,0.09956065996278944,0.07996143545739885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471661532211611,0.0,0.05923304478994056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859376841192922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673508696112596,0.0,0.0,0.08369112774853757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811718532047253,0.0,0.08606249210615896,0.0,0.0,0.06417890933514672,0.08789451439583601,0.2456060768382263,0.09284871139064753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456566865177097,0.2082516896687448,0.09329704385176657,0.10644339444043956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983075659230705,0.10153311137503818,0.0,0.16566937471796345,0.16300073535462753,0.1554291282173236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651300292958926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273573963548114,0.0,0.10118608972693784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111478227671861,0.0,0.13726603770679405,0.18988657692635266,0.09738841188531366,0.0858016078263383,0.0,0.16319421508196966,0.10870675012048216,0.0,0.16521844894285134,0.08769840800949166,0.0,0.12972152022711966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143006291332858,0.0,0.07494237423450341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753176798280828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551674725333767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988553457308202,0.0,0.09297717724655256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727232918819586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823305951393985,0.07480509524250037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103568743157822,0.0,0.0,0.22261248617620089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492959356385693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714097303892756,0.11331952314119426,0.0,0.1842088431924568,0.09284871139064753,0.0,0.13194213114988848,0.0,0.18983910391458836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017422816316827,0.0,0.15425574067576892,0.07794274784569691,0.0,0.08736619385261636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073985999487792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514671784115358
bpd,Quaasaar,2019/04/16,"Has anyone tried ayahuasca to heal? I'll start out with the disclaimer that I'm not one to believe in alternative medicine, new age crap and pseudoscience of any kind. Ayahuasca seems to be an exception, it's only considered ""alternative"" medicine because it couldn't be properly studied scientifically due to its active ingredient being a schedule 1 (no medicinal benefits whatsoever) narcotic.

But what it does do is allow you to access your subconscious and dig around for repressed memories, trauma, hurt inner child, etc. I've seen it help people with standalone symptoms such as depression or anxiety, it takes people to the root cause of those symptoms and helps them solve the trauma and let go. I'm not sure however how and if it can help someone with BPD which is usually a result of more complex traumatic events that happened repeatedly. That's why I'd like to know if anyone here has tried to use it as therapy and if it helped their BPD.",9.238404392764856,9.007798331395351,8.945891472868219,64.96396640826876,59.87209302325582,12.528165374677002,40.62273901808785,11.855464076750405,5.115494056847545,771,37,124,21,9,249,121,172,0.14300000000000002,0.738,0.11900000000000001,-0.6747,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,2,0,4,10,1,1,6,0,11,4,1,6,1,31,21,14,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,15,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,1,4,4,21,15,2,13,0,2,1,0,9,4,1,5,9,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099401530327394,0.0,0.11361213139446713,0.0,0.0,0.20768765520966698,0.0,0.0,0.1322081646815065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053222037382028,0.0,0.0,0.16732343086431206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740941549816796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525638855291018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791413386790632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996483337429168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563138806340785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440342939400852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313296628070535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981808590849605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589863681105816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546535621528613,0.08161892758340716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186472873240422,0.0,0.07255600944241189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343489811942253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063633462970303,0.11295092110388565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592059770517732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135200767985696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583468584302168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511835173989044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997185936570652,0.3087239956454525,0.11166338462817747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983769740029347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166132158517366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826765336373006,0.16356622147767075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400999235082114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,balsabalsic,2019/04/16,"Joga Hinduism And Meditation I did all of the above and literally got BPD, so please for the love of God stay away from it, if you want to get better.",1.5131182795698948,3.5276065483870984,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,80.29032258064517,6.713978494623658,20.010752688172047,7.793537801064563,0.6137010752688172,117,3,26,2,3,40,28,31,0.0,0.649,0.35100000000000003,0.9098,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,5,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393056595035981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194015629510106,0.0,0.0,0.4548468627396964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886822689999976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888389825109419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259455834027863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39642647471651055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849302989310364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130114498920475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reddeaddaytrader,2019/04/16,"I swear I'm not lazy. So what the hell, brain? So, at my main job (I just took a second job impulsively and am about to be, theoretically, working fifty four hours a week) I work three tens. Phone service, I'm alone at a desk with my thoughts. Like, that's enough reason to have anxiety, right? I'm not being stupid?
Because my anxiety gets so fucking bad here. Even on days where I'm doing pretty okay. Like, I've been distracting myself this whole weekend and haven't really noticed my mood changes (I mean, I definitely have, but if I PRETEND they're not there by watching TV and blaming it on the TV..) but all in all I've been stable this weekend. Maybe manic, I don't really know. 

So I thought today would be better.
My job has VTO. Voluntary time off. You can put in for it for whatever reason and if they accept it, you're off for the day. While that's wonderful if I'm having massive anxiety, I've been trying NOT to because it's been affecting my ability to afford cigarettes, my chosen crutch, and.. well, rent.
I had to pay late last month. I've had to leave like, every week almost at least once.
It's getting ridiculous. I see no reason I should be anxious today. But it's there, under my skin, like an itch or like my blood is boiling and I'm trying to put on a brave face but it's tiring me out fast.

I used to be so good at this sort of stuff, even if it completely went against me as a person. Like I know this job isn't the healthiest place for someone for whom it's dangerous to be in their head.

But I just .. I have to choose between my health here and my money. 
My head says I'm being lazy, I'm making all this up. That's why I had to go last week, not because I wanted to puke (phobic of puking) but because I made all of that up for attention and just to get away and be lazy.
I crashed when I got home last week from the breakdown. Slept nine hours.

I feel useless. I know it's just my head fucking with me.
But I feel useless. I can't even do this right. I'm too old not to be doing this shit right by now.",1.4180120663650086,3.204989294117645,3.180941176470589,91.66633785822023,79.58823529411767,6.147209653092006,21.72096530920061,7.116496586553881,0.5152865761689287,1570,46,351,19,39,523,201,425,0.12300000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.138,0.8286,6,1,1,0,0,0,66.0,0,1,2,3,22,24,7,1,11,1,33,15,10,7,4,62,66,29,0,7,22,0,3,6,0,2,3,1,2,1,24,12,1,0,15,5,3,5,11,11,1,5,14,6,44,12,49,41,8,50,1,2,2,2,7,22,4,8,29,224,68,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076095317662614,0.08353076111364638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509481904565586,0.09111338062782656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577485736686887,0.0,0.0673407387566398,0.19665793012558247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132980897158057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003388753274698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531872611591018,0.0,0.08456169523297773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402725304992556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333468903238679,0.0,0.15980891467330274,0.0,0.06795247324720945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155977067092512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912225697418732,0.12641143718659711,0.0,0.045836177582932604,0.06764675726502754,0.06450447285134678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483155083226995,0.0857289068290165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090015665022521,0.0,0.15885121084121545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201371755890019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297207302007327,0.197225518468762,0.09097854688629077,0.08539842659024628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364138630898382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631451844556075,0.0538355865190592,0.0,0.08102539847266871,0.08785326437523841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437535828495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182241057544636,0.0846303142564506,0.08589134933643122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042188880620254,0.08426378318040133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205169826325354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621543201976332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333499343340888,0.24876991162183695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066281433858564,0.0,0.06413740998805609,0.0,0.0,0.06426890379414238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278773493086262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833586085072876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232681585561163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805676408757918,0.047028611611127986,0.0926971795708734,0.15289662190052045,0.0,0.08960692386760738,0.10951431966866328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965710966885573,0.0,0.0,0.0475704185326407,0.0,0.2587754776745512,0.0,0.07251549750201168,0.07476486516874413,0.07277554776365176,0.09004466001596026,0.0,0.0,0.08746324785662984,0.11743068833706795,0.0,0.0,0.057292600989312006,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mama-Dzhinsy,2019/04/16,"please enter a title is anyone available to chat?  my girlfriend just broke up with me because my behavior has been so erratic she can’t stand me anymore.  she’s afraid to leave me because she thinks i’m going to kill myself.  i am NOT going to kill myself, but i do have suicidal ideation and self-injurious behavior.  i’m sick of talking to the suicide hotline.  i would be so grateful if anyone here could talk with me who understands how it feels to be in a messed up relationship and wanting to die.  i’m not in crisis, i’m just sofa king lonely and isolated and my only support system thinks my mental illness and me in general is too much.  please help me connect if you can.  thanks",3.6859191919191896,5.4820024000000025,5.104511784511782,80.32484848484847,73.14814814814815,7.575757575757577,29.309764309764308,8.296473431620573,2.2787037037037043,544,23,99,9,11,182,87,135,0.253,0.601,0.146,-0.9615,0,2,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,1,0,1,7,8,2,1,3,0,13,2,0,1,0,23,26,11,5,5,7,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,6,0,0,1,1,19,2,15,21,1,10,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,2,0,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430233762706845,0.2316837546965341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198451098160847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227579713639473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194162152731718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376885887194603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831069580449009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110466055240067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665835587462459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754229735095316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695864428616222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178815370794888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600119863340906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637167226773369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778699770833914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283227073581503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624370663064198,0.18800288664418707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663221305813172,0.0,0.1525287333317024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231215464254485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247063724358744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771777541205744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768880091741815,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blaringair,2019/04/16,"Help figuring out where to start. Ive felt like something was wrong with me for a really, really long time. And after doing some research I strongly identify with 7 out of 9 symptoms listed.

After talking with my boyfriend, he also feels I may have BPD, and to be honest, it would be such a relief if I did. Im really afraid they'll just tell me there's nothing wrong with me. I just have no idea where to start.

What kind of mental health professional do I go see? Do I tell my family? My mom has a habit of dismissing when I tell her I feel this way. As a teenager, when I told her I felt depressed, she told me I was just sad and projecting my brother's depression onto myself.

Any advice you guys have would be great. I want to feel better, and be better.",2.4903126550868464,4.136985038709678,4.133548387096777,86.66339950372209,76.03225806451613,7.349875930521091,22.24565756823821,8.139509932561175,1.1108610421836231,591,16,123,10,13,198,96,155,0.115,0.728,0.157,0.6966,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,3,10,14,0,1,4,0,19,2,0,0,0,26,31,9,0,4,4,2,5,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,7,6,27,8,18,16,1,15,0,3,1,0,16,5,0,3,9,86,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307371872134546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699111711953638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909811946900364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23665122246138875,0.0,0.0,0.168502722882083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304647593641343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612448270881774,0.0,0.2029434087013502,0.0,0.2569170871407955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603544446810498,0.0,0.0,0.14750298565396242,0.0,0.13247227076244292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422115865293316,0.0,0.0,0.08967603217247361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103164035344538,0.14451521629221614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932078851885185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536260986544024,0.0,0.0,0.11839916795438453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482797322644574,0.0,0.0,0.156692209432062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837427638230522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571262232960588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661261307454864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299740688208883,0.0,0.0,0.18939326645096105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905813066724526,0.0,0.10753463303787712,0.3508127839261321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801351629071022,0.0,0.0,0.2556824899314307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891229389969773,0.1061955822312318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007991550230025,0.2925548172360615,0.0,0.0
bpd,rorisms,2019/04/16,"DAE '*eed* to be the FP of everyone they know? Perhaps to some being an FP is overwhelming and a lot of pressure, but I often become obsessed with the idea being the ideal FP of my partner and all of my friends. I feel like because I have BPD I would know how to react to my FP status and be there for my friends who love me so much, and would also very much thrive off the validation and affection my 'FP status' puts onto me. 
Pretty much every time I meet someone my goal is to become the object of their love, in whatever capacity that can be. Is this normal?",3.7086842105263145,4.6107468421052635,5.390307017543861,81.79756578947371,71.80701754385964,7.805263157894737,26.530701754385966,8.07648339933343,1.6233017543859651,436,14,87,6,8,149,71,114,0.026000000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.267,0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,5,9,0,3,7,0,12,2,0,3,1,22,17,9,0,4,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,6,15,10,6,5,0,1,0,2,9,3,0,3,2,69,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446095336720681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023217373404448,0.3994246359905592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277488153640594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235691399499754,0.17279063268302874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143298523039528,0.12918485234822827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794173251742683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413484473517274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875866886309695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834431106715403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537350378705395,0.3264119270648455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987921505378855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717481993113246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396892619285765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178390451213375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321651114201587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544331636722312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920353122512772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569126174325607,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babyswinub,2019/04/16,"He did some research and I feel so loved I was officially diagnosed with BPD about three months ago. The first person I told was my (now) ex boyfriend whom I was in an open relationship with. Immediately, he dismissed me, saying they were lying and don’t know anything about mental health. If anything, he said I was probably overreacting because the recent new medication they gave me. This felt like a slap in the face and I felt so distraught about it that I never talked to him about it again. I knew I had BPD and I wasn’t going to let him put me down about it.

I met someone almost a month ago, who I’ll call Sam. He was so electric, so unique and lovely, I was immediately drawn to him. We started dating monogamously and I broke it off with my previous boyfriend. I had to tell him upfront that I have BPD in case it was a dealbreaker. He was confused and taken aback by it but he didn’t mind it, as most of his family either had depression or bipolar. We got into an argument about a week ago because I was scared he would leave me and it would be just like my old relationships: super intense at first, then slowly fizzles into nothing.

He sits me down and tells me he researched how to deal with BPD and how to handle a relationship when someone has it. I was so shocked by it. I asked why he would do that and got defensive because I thought he was going to be like everyone else and call me crazy or something. He said he wanted to get to know me better and help me through this. He said he didn’t want me to be alone and wanted to understand what I go through. I felt so loved. So happy. I can’t believe someone actually takes me seriously on this.

So yeah, sorry for formatting, I’m on mobile. But I thought this was a cute story I had to share.",3.0692380580248155,4.754899286118981,4.433728631434992,84.95535410764873,74.55240793201133,7.361883364266875,26.336719742111946,8.104835398774808,1.57246554654684,1380,50,284,22,29,457,173,353,0.094,0.76,0.146,0.9693,0,1,1,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,2,4,20,19,1,3,11,1,33,8,1,2,1,55,66,32,0,7,7,1,4,3,0,3,4,4,0,1,20,23,0,1,10,0,0,4,6,8,0,3,36,8,47,11,40,23,3,35,0,2,0,3,50,12,0,7,21,192,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.08058338488493312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959897875546794,0.0,0.08268908582014492,0.08552502171739322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590791411286382,0.0,0.07719848660413374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101478952770164,0.0,0.0,0.09303616837810376,0.0,0.07303277714771482,0.0,0.0,0.4160121103465049,0.0,0.1686410022717032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513341399018233,0.07112357686548065,0.08381406733180928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689826113714984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890600400672633,0.0,0.0,0.07784638627883507,0.0,0.041753487367403586,0.0,0.2378610367033509,0.0,0.0,0.1404801603902926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314315176258409,0.0,0.1407914891816605,0.0,0.13208897819031526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790490992588915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777564720599915,0.0,0.0,0.05534972188205901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076448229952863,0.0,0.0,0.08743727689521583,0.0,0.08444072895266294,0.0,0.12102907064106724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358730121732745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083187789397943,0.0832183431761622,0.0,0.08337937972654845,0.0,0.13182458394926394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368858752106446,0.0797535244394812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923500095215211,0.0,0.08665082621341375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210318078313757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903213254715726,0.0,0.0,0.08301284204512094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153497180631672,0.2659708610527197,0.0,0.0,0.2356493341498045,0.06566866276559896,0.08267413119034013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099020494515956,0.06357192314812066,0.0,0.09243835687815426,0.05844853061871499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062087738700269915,0.06637238387051166,0.14435213477210107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111406365313338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890600400672633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596572366356843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461184247767468,0.0,0.06623840742314613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451303232486257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759813107840706,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beppi925,2019/04/16,"Lost my boyfriend/fp Last night my boyfriend broke up with me. He says his heart is with someone else and it just always goes back to them and he doesn't want to put me in the middle of that. I want to appreciate his honesty and trying to spare me further pain, and we've only been together about 6 months, to someone without bpd this probably wouldn't be so tragic I just can't get the thoughts of ending everything out of my head.

It's more about, I feel like this is just another example in a life of why I can't have healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise. I don't have a healthy support network right now, the very, very few friends that I have are scattered across the internet, nothing near me save for my little sister and I feel like I can't put all this on her.

I just feel numb. I don't see any reason to believe my future will be any better than my painful past. Every single moment is a struggle right now and I just want it to be over. I feel worthless, pointless, and unlovable and I just want that to stop.",3.074762443438914,4.735038557692313,3.818303167420815,89.4796380090498,74.48076923076924,6.817194570135746,27.13914027149321,7.510576382923642,1.3614623303167428,812,31,170,10,17,258,120,208,0.196,0.71,0.094,-0.9459,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,12,15,0,1,7,0,19,6,2,1,1,33,32,10,0,5,8,1,4,2,1,2,4,1,0,0,9,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,3,6,27,6,27,24,4,26,0,4,1,0,10,13,0,1,13,112,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058655929608703,0.0,0.0,0.17304159245861733,0.13341179977657985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978320542444456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334469644292536,0.0,0.112524639106772,0.0,0.0,0.16024179282579762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062843801423679,0.0,0.11268805954128508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719680367574363,0.0,0.11434616420692292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25732534245348826,0.18178634486528972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829762025532666,0.0,0.06647244937974221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305747361516089,0.0,0.0,0.1507682206625584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370947110945587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986634625348319,0.12431635061399945,0.12751793363857336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888662798623438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155381127222704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939678219354713,0.0,0.12208066343598745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676418547570324,0.27076348505859243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145547815767688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717551180495713,0.0,0.0,0.25580268085552266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081368051433548,0.0,0.13659745811729745,0.0,0.21730753335826689,0.0,0.10117844161091917,0.0,0.0,0.10138587652891437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560321529369306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637001795465087,0.0,0.13300847182780848,0.0,0.0,0.14437915186929148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010064471774835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638085167625911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995623007949415,0.30017431728584537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480532986097387,0.0,0.0,0.12264522702823685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tryingmybessst,2019/04/16,"I don't have BPD but Why do I always get so angry if my SO has plans that don't include me or doesn't sleep over x amounts of nights of the week. I literally want to cry and scream. I also don't want to speak to him for the entire day or even WEEK. It's hard for me to think I can be happy around him when I am so honestly annoyed and hurt by just ONE thing. 

He's been so understanding and always reminds me of when we have spent time together and love each other but right now I want to be like i DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN instead I am just going to not respond.

​

Help :(",0.6391730279898198,2.225484564885498,2.719408396946566,95.00954516539444,81.21374045801527,5.588040712468194,19.31361323155216,6.42735559955562,-0.16553486005089013,462,11,112,4,12,156,82,131,0.20800000000000002,0.64,0.152,-0.8662,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,0,1,15,7,1,0,2,0,15,2,1,0,1,23,25,16,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,3,0,1,2,3,17,4,16,21,2,14,0,1,0,1,10,3,0,3,11,81,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938234978781966,0.2900521023063041,0.18884680003781612,0.21178552915673451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551580569493729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951640559758195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914530893098496,0.11240480856543944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151191310241376,0.15765833704338167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106109524730097,0.0,0.09905494215267494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855385396856633,0.15613263015564727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682517596187568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658466379063335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515093959745226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730657667509068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635625263849726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810570230112118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488455907502916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441924855551208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400904134839934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157927743472822,0.11168015765956088,0.0,0.0,0.1016318691547153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144555116439845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411210995716522,0.0,0.2796152659676415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727266220693745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178552915673451,0.0
bpd,BrontesInferno,2019/04/16,"How do I help my ex pwBPD I posted this over in bpdrecovery as well.

Was in a 6 month relationship (best friends to partner) that blew up last week over a lot of really unusual stuff. I certainly said some things out of hurt, I handled her crisis/threat of suicide poorly, had her say a lot of hurtful/hateful/untrue things at me. A few days later when she asked about her stuff, I had to ask for NC for awhile. I shared some of the ways her behavior had been abusive and that despite knowing she has BPD, we never took it into account/she wasn't doing anything to work on it. 

​

For all I know she hates me or just wants nothing to do with me, but she was splitting and I really am at a loss on what to expect. 

​

The point is, I know she loved me. Could still love me or trust me (as much as she can trust someone). I love her, but it feels like more as a friend now. That being said, I really want to know how to communicate with her that I want to be a resource for her and I want to help her to get help. The people in her life unfortunately, while not all ""bad"", are selfish in their own ways. They might know she has BPD but understand nothing about it; they promote distracting activities, turning to substance abuse (minor), etc. I at least know what I'm willing to give up and do and that me wanting to help her has nothing to do with a relationship or anything sexual. I love this person and I want to see her get better, for her sake and her son's, a little boy I'd started to see as my own. 

​

Right now we're at NC for 2-3 days and I haven't heard anything from her, so she's respected my wishes so far--or dislikes me enough not to care, I don't know. 

​

How do I approach the topic of offering my help/ear when it specifically comes to helping her with her BPD, or just being a friend at this point? I know it might be hard to say without knowing her which is why I'm asking all of you for advice or ideas. I adore this woman. She's a wonderful person. I think she has a lot of waif-like traits (something I learned about more recently), so I don't want to do for her at the expense of her not learning how to ""walk on her own"" but I really do want to be there for her and let her know she's not alone. I don't want to make things harder for her, I just don't know what to do anymore. She was my best friend before all of this and now it just feels like a really shitty breakup with someone who hurt me a lot. 

​

Please help.",3.3281175836030217,4.10904278640777,4.447030744336568,88.65932713052861,72.59223300970874,7.430960086299892,25.761866235167204,7.594959193182576,1.1117820927723838,1925,59,428,22,36,631,210,515,0.083,0.6970000000000001,0.22,0.9976,0,1,1,0,1,1,84.0,1,1,3,6,22,28,1,1,19,0,41,5,0,5,6,87,91,34,1,12,18,2,3,2,5,3,1,5,0,5,27,19,0,0,19,0,2,4,12,7,1,0,12,10,81,21,78,69,22,46,0,3,2,4,75,23,0,14,18,312,108,4,0.0,0.1235321103072344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050941269384531696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053991421277714884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28241658723113217,0.3167209947820521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169939546495765,0.0,0.0,0.12869674801294126,0.0,0.14620479230108713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352674567894365,0.0,0.0,0.0443591707308721,0.0,0.1094153756763918,0.04610514395533702,0.0,0.0,0.19696941890791808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315046493606981,0.0,0.0,0.044905764067032665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162191996390892,0.0,0.0,0.06723965122430094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053864687004029986,0.0581392283650427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052717440603906235,0.07448400337614876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110341586747254,0.0,0.05447201381039447,0.050008274853078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669864096733293,0.05146802372305692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445935779039497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161344320765172,0.0588489292206585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151448332155187,0.04249327198904623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330691391047472,0.036821276332426385,0.0509366062984836,0.05224840296279353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727776703904966,0.18819905457628225,0.0,0.03479747811143233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060433212885294,0.0,0.0,0.041610025369433715,0.0,0.03832187668434599,0.0,0.04020621439647165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006170932586033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03614068805142232,0.09103659095204666,0.0,0.05722357622687915,0.09856024475742528,0.0,0.04992655795249768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698049583202018,0.0,0.05147252725884053,0.11193718141064626,0.0,0.044519116824517466,0.09917598552570817,0.08291244749021992,0.0,0.0,0.08308243366980603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833991699290865,0.04013256489389072,0.0,0.0,0.036898198636255715,0.0,0.04163144224131505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935377922172337,0.05702224780473138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038994576046898,0.03340308544421413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791884464399705,0.0,0.0567029566025215,0.0,0.054269633711410366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767309941630689,0.08275744456787018,0.041815900050460736,0.0,0.04687153238634345,0.0,0.04703961996321214,0.0,0.059947441229552735,0.050251890541113904,0.05653324593702309,0.03795158622050957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167209947820521,0.0
bpd,redflavor__,2019/04/16,seroquel help! i just got it prescribed. i have to take 50mg at 6pm everyday... what i'm scared of is weight gain. i've been losing weight steadily for the last few months and weight gain would only make my mental condition worse. any advice? should i take it? or maybe 50mg won't cause me weight gain?,0.4493548387096773,2.857687080645164,1.3260483870967759,99.35907258064518,89.48387096774192,4.390322580645162,15.81451612903226,5.985473137389443,-0.7043612903225811,237,5,53,2,8,73,49,62,0.126,0.6729999999999999,0.201,0.7296,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,2,0,7,11,2,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,4,6,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915826279197814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075967903426573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731612207595814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026495064330107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917078605450976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327637774212445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221397239310988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871943774999766,0.0,0.16362849065087148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413834848265751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000420744403654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387276345557373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630649546470195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449214560715811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7933449940747822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659821818065899,0.11570078027454568,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shroomami,2019/04/16,"Boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me on my birthday. TW; SUBSTANCE ABUSE/ SELF HARM 


it happened about a week ago.

I'm still hurting and feeling small and very alone. He is really the only person I've gotten close with that mattered to me. 

Anyone have any positive affirmations? I have friends but they dont quite understand why this breakup is so devastating to me. 

I just need someone that isn't him to tell me I'll be okay, and that I dont need anyone else. 

I need to be strong right now, but I'm scared I won't be able to hold my weight if that makes sense. 

what do I do? 

he seems totally fine with everything and doesn't regret a thing saying our relationship was dead for a long time before it happened but I dont feel the same way. it hurts. 

he made me really, really happy. it feels like it came out of nowhere. it also feels like he stole my heart out of my chest and is telling me to live on and prosper.

Last night I got drunk alone to cope. ended up calling him and crying. 

I keep cutting myself and I dont know how to stop.

nothing eases my pain right now. 

please, someone help me. ive begun to fantasize about taking a shit ton of pills and falling asleep and never waking up to deal with how isolating and cruel life is. 

what is the fucking point if everyone you love is just going to decide you're too much? 

why do they beg for closeness and trust just to spit it back in your face like they never wanted it in the first place? 

do I deserve happiness? is my entire life just going to be one hope dashed after another? 

why is it that every time I decide to open my heart to the possibility of a human being loving, selfless, caring, and unconditionally loving, it turns to shit before my eyes? every. single. time. 

I've read the stories. I know the facts. 

bpd will either kill me or have me living in isolation till I die.

 I'd rather be dead if i can't live a life filled with love and companionship. I'd rather be dead if Its my fault I can't be loved. 

Usually after something like this I'll flirt around, try to hookup with people to ease my sorrows but this time around it just hurts. 

I've just been laying around getting high and drunk and hurting myself. I dont know what to do.",1.964922740752304,4.070000557046981,3.273582019665992,90.10788200405807,79.22371364653245,5.947848707143232,20.46246293116904,7.025160622230231,0.3863909161854222,1727,45,362,20,43,561,224,447,0.20600000000000002,0.631,0.163,-0.9799,0,3,1,1,1,5,47.0,1,2,3,3,22,36,6,1,13,1,38,24,10,4,4,79,74,30,5,12,18,0,5,4,1,2,5,1,0,3,24,31,3,3,11,3,0,5,12,17,0,2,6,7,47,19,50,58,6,52,0,7,1,6,29,22,3,7,28,223,71,1,0.06668458009767353,0.07901032307251042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059111856739260726,0.0,0.0,0.13813022792816146,0.0,0.0533276346116343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534780117810633,0.06992459656805927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325481779601813,0.06832623272915535,0.0,0.1780902427167368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127632590163325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348733222343728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398689422862744,0.0,0.06809241206274537,0.07626939465689968,0.06798937370386818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073249879970645,0.0,0.06874887397061531,0.0,0.0,0.06920806600395507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390769156168179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570640989318232,0.0,0.059062744934538086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236926962929228,0.06371997398822601,0.05993180074524231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487090937931084,0.09527895469197416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672186976524755,0.0,0.0,0.05152034116520946,0.06164881975929111,0.03483994079648998,0.0,0.07579676723251852,0.0,0.05333375045643398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793790790232984,0.14197395101740362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804309697895602,0.04469726838885031,0.07045592011069636,0.0,0.06623283450497876,0.0,0.0,0.2855488887913999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927231876218871,0.07377660773556273,0.0,0.10994430380775116,0.054356833051948286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130387306093725,0.13031486986990362,0.0,0.1766511178331643,0.05901375494508247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009271853899162,0.06309856205411167,0.04451247502944776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049020839197916034,0.14833731355553575,0.10286251829057624,0.0,0.0,0.06257896108432408,0.0,0.06398565309678854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518719728468118,0.05071662808654502,0.07095709483640245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04623069146805418,0.058226403197128525,0.06967119311269206,0.07319964394367462,0.06303848255342097,0.075176844517852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092725930108748,0.06670262589209723,0.0,0.12815954870049615,0.0,0.0,0.07159428301746924,0.0,0.11389653409011552,0.0,0.05303025461673175,0.06676289789682659,0.0,0.0,0.060707137223247665,0.06956656040839626,0.0,0.1369015263741929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300325663423415,0.051337047673006515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325439180598581,0.05575129489949275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013850523506076,0.0,0.1165705244944236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044302271919359634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555372596725646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527445259552012,0.07253367418704887,0.0,0.06942099963970624,0.0,0.0,0.07344364385107349,0.055021762354773726,0.039332293079502464,0.05293111576982321,0.0534903478024891,0.08120385362849222,0.0,0.0,0.18051738424566585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294268324306227
bpd,Womanofflame91,2019/04/16,"DAE find themself drawn to partners with NPD? It's like, the more narcissistic they are, the more I swarm to them. 
Anyone else do this, or am I just really messed up?",2.481818181818184,4.494315363636368,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,77.18181818181819,6.824242424242425,20.090909090909093,7.793537801064563,0.5414727272727271,129,3,28,2,3,41,29,33,0.091,0.835,0.075,-0.1414,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624794068036684,0.5311650999730148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330591574884815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738109186181724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25326550329798003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33210221403463897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrisisAngel,2019/04/16,"Medication is saving my life! I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD over 6 months ago and was progressively getting worse and worse especially after a breakup.

After multiple attempts I was finally taken seriously and bumped up a list to get seen and assigned formal support. I’ve also been put on a low dose of Serotonin to keep me more level and reduce my psychosis and PTSD moments. It’s helped me so much. I’m actually doing things with my life! I’m finally cleaning my room and doing more activities on a daily basis and generally feeling more fulfilled. I’m doing better at my job, I’m eating better, I’m losing weight, I’m making friendships.

I’m not intending to boast or make anybody feel bad that they’ve not had this same experience on medication but I needed to share. There’s nobody in my real life that truly understand what I’ve been going through so my small successes seem minor to them.",5.672015503875973,7.021778372093022,7.0825581395348856,69.81341085271322,67.6046511627907,9.454263565891472,31.77519379844961,9.725611199111238,3.302347286821705,728,30,120,16,12,249,109,172,0.064,0.799,0.136,0.9235,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,6,4,10,0,0,4,0,10,9,0,3,0,28,31,14,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,2,0,6,11,2,1,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,8,4,13,6,18,23,5,20,0,2,1,0,3,11,0,2,7,73,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.13712301299420335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455865296300447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237032127459333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732470544088867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485493619839563,0.0,0.0,0.1769745528009446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426204354687707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378259834011647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745127677935035,0.0,0.0,0.142097877844401,0.0,0.0,0.30785607090427314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682726391300593,0.0,0.07985828686685724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418468389850657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944010906382534,0.12489677351157374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29775109525930005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720107926279162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875905862396948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28310948572987965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121582579562882,0.0,0.10329517688036054,0.10419058025379513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32851057040784953,0.1412570474011842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599375820788692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279201780299646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594555039934248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335235971045204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628175597001505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111021682139216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863949210447648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angelinbloom,2019/04/16,feeling unloved... my partner is the only person i can open up to or talk to... hes my fp and i hate it. we talk once a week on the phone which is way less than i want but i try to be understanding. he didnt call me today and honestly i want to cut my skin up or commit suicide. i just hate him. i hate me. i hate bpd.,-2.5531506849315093,-0.8450226849315037,0.9967260273972621,100.9186506849315,97.76712328767124,4.015890410958904,15.519178082191784,5.6839178017228535,-0.9251249315068492,236,6,64,2,10,85,49,73,0.302,0.583,0.115,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,1,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,1,13,14,5,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,16,1,8,12,1,7,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,2,41,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305444843379052,0.0,0.18691404379826346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255534610672347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7228940850764463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494178318578426,0.0,0.1392174216817795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983179546312326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022648371739046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942565686553584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350955798599707,0.0,0.0,0.12427862017259045,0.0,0.0,0.190561023968698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159347195565287,0.1452962024927979,0.1468312974832762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grimreapersgf,2019/04/16,"BPD and moving away. { 20F } So basically i'm going to try to make this as short as possible so I dont bore everyone. 
I have never had much luck with jobs because of my BPD, I always just tend to somehow make up excuses not to go or Im super inconsistent with my work which leads me to being fired. 
I haven't held a job in years and lately I just landed my dream job at a really prestigious spa out of my city. I am so nervous because it is 4 hours away from my family (i dont drive so theyll be dropping me off to my new accommodations and leaving me there) so i can't run to my family whenever im anxious and scared. 
I also don't have any friends right now and it's very hard for me to make friends because i always feel awkward, uncomfortable in my skin and like i cant relate to people. Does anyone have any advice or tips on how I can manage this job and maybe make friends in my new town?",3.1019591346153845,3.6022231302083365,5.227291666666666,83.89110576923079,72.90625,8.407692307692308,25.70673076923077,8.617729084823388,1.5655091346153849,699,21,156,12,13,245,113,192,0.14400000000000002,0.8009999999999999,0.055,-0.9307,4,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,12,10,0,3,2,0,16,1,1,6,1,26,26,18,0,0,5,0,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,1,2,0,6,8,4,0,0,2,4,26,6,27,21,1,28,0,0,0,0,5,14,0,4,8,99,31,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675418141658297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873641950724668,0.1818032805849674,0.0,0.0,0.14858240674215822,0.0,0.0,0.1234171786817856,0.0,0.07638752546134163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528091586094754,0.0,0.0,0.1997865192872118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751836815698426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560213878321676,0.0,0.2560716074238327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438948357753318,0.0,0.0,0.20597530351003526,0.0,0.05523819180442552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253210169654258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417433487513856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978631912782352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758556063400426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23600941623942576,0.0,0.4336402263871582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323454030466922,0.11567601598148705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337220465087718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29169090884691723,0.0,0.10975255239305867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611148590985715,0.08030857152191087,0.0,0.08425745093541552,0.2110214383436757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573760166120247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315874418996382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998595190286043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329570957714912,0.0,0.0,0.1093745649500277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741710397837755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013960612730143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953257877907538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035100999892388
bpd,bobsickness,2019/04/16,"Need help with my girlfriend Need some advice im sort of dating a lass that has bpd and she keeps splitting up with me but says she loves me and misses me. But it's proper starting to get to me last time she split up with me it was a day before are one year anniversary. I'm proper stuck coz I love her to no end. She said she wants space for a bit. Should I just leave her alone and not text, call or see her till she's ready or not.",0.43739583333333343,2.066115447916669,1.722083333333334,101.71458333333337,82.02083333333334,4.683333333333334,14.833333333333332,5.033348758259628,-1.2789291666666665,337,4,86,1,9,107,66,96,0.109,0.74,0.151,0.8176,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,21,17,8,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,3,17,2,11,13,2,11,0,1,1,2,16,3,0,4,8,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866922572501387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116347334750214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170716831460584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331308307316024,0.0,0.2689466820098625,0.0,0.21804864273789915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771590430032862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913342880971096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156605521248307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313164141254922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066029591063605,0.0,0.0,0.1898045357258604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406394209660528,0.0,0.2261084705958101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385457130093986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166750294033339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470051417733776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312583844297302,0.16981591183123906,0.0,0.0,0.17016406652886182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511450074389626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245171353877264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595167158789866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751302844206698
bpd,Pink_Goose124,2019/04/16,"Whats the point for me to continue? I can see everything in my life falling apart. Most-likey going to fail uni as I can't do the work. My relationship keeps having issues due to my BPD to the point where I believe she'd be better off without me. My sleep is fucked, I stuggle with simple choices. I keep disappointing my family by not seeing them and I feel like a lot of the time I'm not in reality. What is the point in my exsistence when I have no future? 

What is the point if I have no wants or purpose, whats the point when I can't even do my university work which is piss easy. I'm getting help with therpy but its taking too long and I can't even do the tasks I am given like writing a daily record of my issues and what I do. 

So if nothing is helping me and it seems like my future is doomed to be a failure what's the point in living? There is none as far as I can see. 

(Sorry for bad spelling I'm highly dyslexic)",1.1626521496370756,2.8263393718592984,3.427194304857622,90.18245533221665,79.90452261306531,6.030262423227247,21.10580681183697,6.937597516519254,0.3928858738135115,721,20,162,8,18,248,109,199,0.156,0.774,0.07,-0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,4,8,10,2,0,12,0,23,4,2,0,0,20,39,14,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,2,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,1,4,27,4,21,35,2,25,1,3,3,1,6,15,2,5,11,113,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792458463422332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213532069899422,0.0,0.1037253532489916,0.0,0.0,0.1477110853058252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492574905049528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540443736749992,0.0,0.11056191796729824,0.0,0.05930070573383309,0.08378544017858754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842422687615208,0.061274387085099524,0.0,0.06665339189773305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572217209497051,0.12391362392138727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482140802597166,0.0,0.20848916044264112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283891052068929,0.1718924515255773,0.0,0.10356111143004912,0.10378983377074208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970795789690456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253410844316117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6652096920253253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591570796051826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803728838652387,0.10676805241357612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736551731623728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312862744018343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881805797428599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683873884215421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917526539944127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305452386952855,0.0,0.1707636653686766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mostlugubriousness,2019/04/16,Feeling abandoned After not talking to my former fp for like six weeks they reached out and asked to reconnect. We have spent the last two weeks together constantly and she will say that I’m her best friend and that she loves having me in her life again. Then as soon as she mentions someone else as a friend or boyfriend I get super jealous and I don’t like that. So a couple days I just snuck out while she was in the bathroom and went back to my place. I apologized for leaving so abruptly and we haven’t talked since. I’m just feeling so alone and abandoned and I can’t take it.  Why am I like this? I just wish I could be okay with things but I can’t and whenever I bring up my discomfort with things she does she just throws it back in my face. I don’t know I guess I just needed to vent for a little.,1.9285404339250505,3.7008293491124316,2.698674556213017,95.78158185404342,77.99408284023669,5.926785009861934,22.509270216962527,6.742157984588678,0.3483132938856017,636,19,145,6,15,199,98,169,0.07,0.774,0.155,0.7901,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,1,2,12,13,1,1,5,1,12,3,1,0,0,32,27,19,0,3,8,0,2,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,8,15,0,2,3,0,1,3,6,4,0,2,3,3,29,9,19,21,1,25,0,2,0,1,20,8,0,2,17,102,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052707083610905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392491611500264,0.0,0.0,0.25321037372908106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278933464776938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779274544736682,0.0,0.13145910824447846,0.1821813739682338,0.0,0.10618520957563986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408575563767534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754340448667746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650331692363202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441535858318826,0.0,0.08602248966415604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137982163132965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048697674488143,0.13421119561312692,0.0,0.17433988803997716,0.0,0.0,0.11629670508428172,0.24131806678326076,0.16502190352205814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860246661197327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208540667617243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202352680317354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309357715703971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619964366517906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395068598511184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379582024989474,0.2646778212637709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877142389780932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083849035242054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641435539658153,0.0,0.0,0.15263159689562206,0.14857042870403625,0.0,0.18933862667576887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psonk,2019/04/16,"No reason to have this. I feel like my history of mental illness doesnt add up. I havent had any major traumas, I wasn't bullied more than other kids, I have supporting parents, and im not worried about food being on the table or not being able to afford therapy.

I litterally have nothing to be upset about i have no reason to have failed college for a 5th year in a row without acrewing any debt. But my head wont stop it just keeps getting worse. I feel so worthless and lost and like a massive fraud.  Nothing to show while everyone else around me achieves so much more when theyre given less. Ive struggled with whatever the hell is wrong with my head since i was a child but that should be all the more reason i have this under control. IDK can anyone relate? I feel like all the resources ive used would be so much better off supporting another person.",4.412364341085271,5.449260081395352,5.230232558139537,83.09364341085275,70.27906976744185,7.593798449612403,28.86821705426357,7.793537801064563,1.8161844961240303,682,25,131,8,12,222,111,172,0.15,0.7090000000000001,0.141,0.0672,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,5,8,14,1,2,8,0,23,4,2,5,2,28,33,11,0,2,7,1,3,3,0,3,1,0,0,3,5,7,1,3,6,1,1,0,9,8,0,0,5,3,16,6,19,20,9,10,1,3,0,0,4,6,1,1,7,93,21,3,0.1317237435257453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915332519428334,0.13812383029151884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210430420278944,0.0,0.0,0.11726205879328715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649894673204612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773937906137968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003828529416793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586768183586533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981044774679688,0.1882069373888818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928087353409298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882021929518163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703731263166838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228424691568115,0.0,0.0,0.1170821155861062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930607023901722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379202638640648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274655171882918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366421563921254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527849690439225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626362873127766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150160920250404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40630184070891134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896324184010328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012694778631717,0.0,0.13770625702407766,0.0,0.0,0.29895708631206475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506375805597696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376702147139507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697698818606906,0.0,0.0,0.1337718555730644,0.1342377481269748,0.09357276806185638,0.1440192352057179,0.0,0.08482577209800563
bpd,wordstuff,2019/04/16,"[Support/Q] Diagnosed Today; looking at the future, EDMR? Hi all -- 

I got my official diagnosis today. Before, I did some therapy and self-diagnosed c-ptsd and generalized anxiety. I remember looking at bpd in my teens when I thought I was a psychopath or sociopath because I didn't seem to feel/respond to emotions correctly. Psychiatrist prescribed lamotrigine. 

I'm currently back home with my parents/family. It's been kind of retraumatizing even though they've made some effort to change, especially since all my life I've hidden my symptoms from them. I was financially considering being here for a time, even getting a shed to at least be outside the house, but my dad's mood still fluctuates/undiagnosed bpd, my brother is bipolar, and it's old fear triggers. I'm trying to get a remote writing job and looking at places to move to. 

I'm just scared thinking of working full time, moving to a new place and the leap being on medication and having new people trust me with that step or letting them in just to know. I'm so hyper alert in general and moving to new places/being around new people is a huge trigger for me. I'm placing a lot of faith in this medication to just make me functional. I just feel shaky and tired. I've done all this therapy and know the idea of having a container to hold healing, I just want to finally skip to the part where I have a container and can rest. 

Anyone been in a similar leap or had ways to make a living situation livable? Or had therapies that helped a lot? I'm looking into edmr as a possibility and I'm really interested if people got it to work for them with bpd? and what was the timeline for having an effect?",6.108479623824451,6.766772724137932,7.350249216300941,70.7736496865204,66.27272727272728,10.517931034482759,34.44529780564263,10.467255456243755,3.783470094043887,1325,59,235,33,20,452,173,319,0.052000000000000005,0.879,0.069,0.7199,3,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,3,4,15,8,0,3,20,0,21,8,0,6,4,58,46,22,0,2,11,2,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,0,8,17,0,3,9,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,14,5,23,4,41,28,11,38,1,0,4,0,8,18,0,11,15,156,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395931302020022,0.0,0.0,0.05846012915586151,0.0,0.0,0.07442817316164231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428881007315683,0.0,0.05096620009001003,0.0,0.07114360690563264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159011920270925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844537850818313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971918602212066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555923869905195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404689657153062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044359263764204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881746903955117,0.09408139399647616,0.08454866963473569,0.0,0.0,0.09158764940330442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736266873419765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373670181285793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056040173466254256,0.0,0.08386488291655553,0.0,0.0,0.09647153455917368,0.0,0.09438240206727183,0.0,0.0,0.08296728912432114,0.0,0.0,0.08706407907338637,0.0918967098602363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085494071825825,0.059054269184854,0.0,0.0,0.0738267284423708,0.0,0.2808361126427296,0.0,0.0,0.1421597785027677,0.0,0.07911119606283798,0.11161696953654604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845100533905455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266583807569646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32299359000626754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773173860459728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053849807332023,0.0,0.17388820812017924,0.0,0.2620553260885697,0.0,0.0,0.09425460569033256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097732394425151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053560941562476864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471070949486694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370543691169442,0.0,0.0,0.07611289511103847,0.08722058983160738,0.0,0.0,0.0691607764300432,0.0939780455609066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676885327050022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487651000209192,0.0,0.08689993943417934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868365107843869,0.0,0.0,0.05357214621292604,0.08214369299392442,0.06637481292718797,0.09750411296600213,0.09609422816098566,0.15849978325089328,0.0,0.0,0.05676383073278706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931371885693809,0.06636353890125447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173413916586415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shannnami,2019/04/16,"I just really need some advice. I have suffered from anxiety since I was 6 & depression since the age of 9, but was only officially diagnosed at 17, as it took years of being messed around (& my doctor when I was younger not wanting to diagnose me at a young age). I’m 25 (26 tomorrow)  & I have been on four different types of medication, none that I feel have helped, including the one I’m on now. I’ve been convinced for the better part of a year that there’s something more than just anxiety & depression, I have constant self depreciating thoughts, separation anxiety, fear of abandonment, manic episodes, bouts of crazy emotions,  but never told anyone, I just thought I was going crazy. A few months ago, after one of my many episodes, my boyfriend (of 6 years) confessed that he was worried it was something more, & brought up BPD, & after researching & talking to someone I know who has been diagnosed with it, I have a lot of the symptoms of this disorder.
I finally have a counselling appointment on the 23rd, & I was wondering how I’d bring this up to her, without her feeling like I’m self diagnosing. I’d never tell people that I have BPD without consulting a professional, but I’m just not sure how to bring it up. I’m already going to tell her that my current medication isn’t working, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to approach this?",9.159318181818184,7.309154477272727,9.170303030303037,68.50045454545455,61.04545454545455,12.89090909090909,42.07575757575758,11.698219412168324,4.896543939393938,1098,53,201,27,12,362,138,264,0.175,0.797,0.027999999999999997,-0.9886,2,0,2,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,0,2,11,10,0,1,11,0,22,8,0,3,3,34,43,10,0,3,13,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,0,2,13,2,0,1,8,0,0,7,8,6,0,3,17,2,23,4,35,25,7,35,1,4,0,0,14,10,0,5,19,133,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470599861413083,0.06670146774969428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303636596332171,0.0,0.0,0.6522362698232584,0.0,0.051170189275953286,0.0,0.17269006237771295,0.0,0.0,0.10522818204073403,0.0,0.0,0.06698532373689854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066549400054543,0.0,0.0,0.18954062436232105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131471715303293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296193724239066,0.30549438840489196,0.0,0.07861656014270328,0.08623898945085484,0.07701796460583804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464216634221074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846732140097794,0.07609376619666429,0.05375610304074824,0.0,0.08242884495173516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552862156557843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050436131943698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041353499614822035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036761631123658434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397186966212756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762881241408582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516058321347842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006102545244477,0.0,0.0,0.05579431427124206,0.11606945416509368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019779295946686,0.057228341644039324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148460920735702,0.0,0.05216643743072258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048204824299847834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699698644234578,0.0,0.0,0.1244893379016662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375610151484695,0.11585683883454295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709189204483301,0.0782099080018174,0.0,0.060480273368744335,0.13153748687723898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119474606000276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719012398601264,0.08360161214644904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438232569712997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506985035584405,0.1632032036984588,0.05478033636636783,0.0764164568203908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536880548636322
bpd,leafpiles,2019/04/16,"DAE feel frustrated that they can’t seem to learn from their mistakes? i’m fresh out of a 4 year off and on relationship with a guy who broke up with me a little over a year ago due to me basically ruining everything by picking pointless fights, freaking out over every little thing etc...everyone (my therapist included) told me that at least i learned from the experience not to repeat the same mistakes. we got back together in august and i told myself things would be different this time and i wouldn’t repeat my mistakes. i was even hopeful because i was put on a different medication which seemed to be working better. well we broke up again in february because guess what started happening again??

so i’m seeing this new guy and even though we’re keeping it casual for right now, i like him a lot but i can’t stop thinking about how i’m just going to end up doing the same shit i always do and ruining everything. i feel so hopeless and frustrated, like i’m doomed to this cycle of ruining all my relationships because i just CAN’T LEARN. i feel like i’m not making any personal growth or progress in my relationship skills ever. anyone else feel this way? :/",6.240249839846253,6.942151439461888,6.814071108263935,74.57960762331841,65.99551569506727,10.496989109545163,33.41736066623959,10.451354775682146,3.5741315823190263,933,39,169,23,14,306,132,223,0.20199999999999999,0.698,0.099,-0.9774,2,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,2,0,2,4,15,22,4,0,9,0,11,2,1,3,2,45,34,12,0,6,6,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,12,12,0,2,10,1,0,3,6,15,1,0,5,5,24,7,29,25,5,38,1,7,1,0,15,17,1,6,20,114,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004360431641541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427695659594072,0.0,0.0,0.0770497488619527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922391058311509,0.11609204714883582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871228136898492,0.0,0.20720489692694746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020706652976577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367544971436121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464990100430556,0.0,0.10035259805498167,0.0,0.12636250589324274,0.14967078304385245,0.10248881549378128,0.09546244558510222,0.10826562403765026,0.20365839473138225,0.11083182130814476,0.0,0.0,0.22915707986909345,0.0809435004578599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439255849336546,0.0,0.09061855198655733,0.0,0.1248157425334547,0.22437505306877706,0.10019323924316112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253518654588476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070868170995532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606198760914334,0.22711822337388435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632593823554256,0.0,0.0,0.07563045909927645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414059100893235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109428492816673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893158272113814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390054863743675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649342228159115,0.0,0.0967599213181597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028761482959616,0.20629311921026894,0.0,0.0,0.11630363492731136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019626289755419,0.0,0.0,0.09472616442555287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155321453772809,0.1505466124804573,0.07259982115336938,0.11131936727965693,0.0,0.0660677391467069,0.0,0.0,0.21653124807530053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993444160677007,0.0,0.0,0.10187277082878933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248574451893705,0.0,0.0,0.08048701604243336,0.0,0.0,0.14592650022174686
bpd,silverzerx,2019/04/16,"How do I handle my rage after I lose a friend and it might mean I lose 2 others with it? I've been part of a small group of friends (there's 4 of us) and just 2 days ago I had a falling out with one of them. They were trying to make me say thank you and hug my mother as for the first time in a while I had a nice day with her and I told the friend I can't and don't want to do it, keeping in mind my anxiety makes me physically feel sick and the reason I struggle to say anything to my parents is due to childhood trauma caused by them (which he knew about) that makes me scared to even ask them for anything in fear of them mistreating me again even though it's an irrational fear as they've gotten better with how they treat me now. But he was pushing for me to do it saying I just don't want to do it and that I can get over my anxiety.

I got scared and angry from the pressuring and said I never should've started venting to him which was completely wrong of me as he's been a massive help for the past few months and he let me vent to him anytime I needed to, so I essentially threw all the good advice and help he's given me back in his face and kind of said I don't trust him. Something about that comment seemed to have set him off horribly and he said some pretty harsh shit which I had no energy to respond to since I was getting hysterical by that point and just said thank you for everything and logged off discord which is the only place I messaged him on. I was shaking for hours after and didn't sleep at all that night because I kept thinking about what happened and blamed it all on myself telling all my friends that I was the one that fucked up but after they'd seen all that was said, every single one of my friends agreed he acted like an asshole and even though I said some stuff I shouldn't have he was the one that overreacted back. I haven't spoken to him since and left the group chat I was in.

He told my friends I've apparently always been dreading falling out with him as the two of us are the definition of ""we either get along very well or completely disagree"" kind of friendship and that he doesn't want my other 2 friends in the group to try and fix this because apparently my dread controls me and even if we were compatible I wouldn't have a choice anyway? He was my FP for a while and I think he still might be so I'm absolutely terrified of if he actually leaves me and doesn't want to fix this as it means that my best friend of 7 years who is still in that group chat will be spending every night with him and another friend in the gc watching videos and playing and talking as we all have been doing together as a 4 for about 6 months now and it makes me so fucking angry because not only am I losing him but I've also started distancing myself from everyone else as a result because I'm convinced I'm the toxicity in everyone's lives because I'm sick (which I had a breakdown over when explaining what had happened the next day to my best friend where I just got hysterical and started saying that I'm sick and I'm sorry and I can't help it). I'm not a good talker and I relied on the other 3 in the gc for conversation and they have the easiest time talking to each other so he's completely fine talking to the other 2 whilst I'm scared to initiate calls meaning I'd be ditched by my other 2 friends for him a lot of the time which they already did the night after the argument. I've already experienced horrible rage whenever those 3 would start a call without telling me so I have no idea how I'll put up with constantly wondering if they're in a call together whenever I'd see they're all online.

My best friend said she'll talk to him about what had happened and I asked for her to just find out if he wants to fix this. For me I feel like it's an all or nothing deal where either we go back to being close friends again or we just drop all of this altogether and never speak again. I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't want to fix this because I feel like it means I'd be losing all 3 of my closest friends and not just one since my lack of self worth convinces me that maybe it's better off this way since I've always felt like the weak link. I'm scared of what I'll do if I do end up losing him and my routine of being on calls nearly every night and having someone to talk to is disturbed. I've been treating my friends like strangers with a complete lack of familiarity and fear I'm going to snap completely from this and push everyone away since I know my friends are afraid of me when I get irrationally mad at them for caring and don't know how to handle me at all and honestly I don't know how to handle me either and he's the only one who's ever managed to stick through my irrational rage and always forgave me before all this.

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tl;dr : I'm in a gc with 3 others and I fell out with one and I'm the one who left the gc as a result and my other 2 friends and him have an easier time hanging out than I do hanging out with the other 2 as I'm not nearly as talkative or interactive as him and I don't know how to handle it.

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Any advice on how to take care of myself and manage the jealously and rage I'll be feeling if things end with him and my other 2 friends will start spending time with him without me there?",8.434682094436653,5.118657489247315,8.505430886707185,77.2940883590463,63.71326164874553,11.56814710924108,36.268038023998756,9.20300075937882,2.9446611189029133,4202,134,920,52,46,1384,353,1116,0.131,0.7090000000000001,0.16,0.9913,3,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,7,2,10,12,52,78,9,14,51,0,79,10,3,16,15,183,164,97,0,19,30,2,5,5,18,8,4,12,0,1,63,79,0,3,24,4,3,13,26,31,1,10,42,21,129,47,151,105,27,114,0,5,3,3,124,46,3,18,57,629,192,2,0.0,0.0,0.035838346398740326,0.0,0.0,0.07177457812930119,0.03255453664832573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105400106159236,0.029369005324779856,0.09167453859902412,0.07958314211693587,0.0892498991871495,0.02497429004616501,0.03850941193803458,0.05618911801235119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060443165936279165,0.0,0.06866591936608388,0.0,0.034504388817381125,0.08471787841748768,0.0,0.13432347986262244,0.0,0.03125030848113071,0.0,0.11562200733679588,0.06496063598269591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000150874958046,0.0,0.07488726221889172,0.03772673773126227,0.0,0.0,0.1925275554956886,0.03968672697789,0.0411902609110707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105384777157213,0.03786190894120632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030679062754084937,0.0,0.06505497883456204,0.0,0.0,0.09702618379382152,0.033219905871666136,0.09282730338927282,0.10527706332656853,0.033006102521311975,0.0,0.0,0.12397765783612125,0.07427714513433002,0.0524727591626118,0.0352618025842034,0.0,0.033566025921629834,0.031238304629464836,0.0,0.0,0.5107262178536092,0.06790342489265443,0.07674928124743025,0.0,0.04174337895660725,0.06160645089984839,0.05874474697978682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974275083754021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384807086655605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036166771759398766,0.0,0.0,0.04145810576774165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03264290752845415,0.0,0.07648696620844142,0.10091562181204164,0.0,0.0,0.03888652011835776,0.07980373798692343,0.0375538468468268,0.0,0.08971000999246043,0.0,0.032428887686802035,0.0,0.0,0.20542965800765772,0.0,0.031222320072367436,0.0,0.0,0.09805701120475166,0.0,0.03689524401805843,0.16001736186466475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779189385515399,0.03708182645118519,0.0,0.05862716129621001,0.0,0.0,0.027231155625052617,0.05664923766817748,0.0,0.03905750213591511,0.13785586813961115,0.0,0.035238671285433724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990867282721968,0.08379315515357559,0.0,0.0,0.04077881650455775,0.039769645049940634,0.035058211105296916,0.0,0.0,0.03836985563698736,0.0,0.03471703823468582,0.0,0.0,0.03736257379271029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0369188138845879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037759462944756135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24453749510798414,0.11682091970180457,0.14707270765779373,0.0,0.029265106163690845,0.03343310179320669,0.03831223150885964,0.0,0.037697731076346934,0.15189668420243171,0.0,0.03675156752177657,0.0,0.03111701156424664,0.028272733967054143,0.0,0.04111068130310176,0.12997087984092234,0.0,0.05865733696640246,0.0,0.0,0.038392991035600385,0.04204139028766619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027612663452050958,0.14759100079117604,0.06419861633694515,0.06762297478680686,0.0,0.0,0.02439848812674806,0.04706385205829732,0.07216434076063682,0.0,0.10707334576135123,0.0,0.0,0.07018470888437901,0.0,0.049867789900594435,0.0,0.03587503273755408,0.0,0.08835141491985732,0.0,0.0,0.0303020083929164,0.12996829879670244,0.0291506314167426,0.0,0.0,0.03302022607553251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080326594459536,0.03982674486162263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0260884183697406,0.04015307165919383,0.0892498991871495,0.02364972498800242
bpd,thoughts1424,2019/04/16,"I’m getting worse again and I don’t know how to stop it I was able to control my BPD in early 2018, I was in therapy and making conscious decisions to get better. I lost my health care benefits towards the end of last year and as a result I had to stop attending therapy, I also just kind of fell off of being mindful and trying to change my behavior.  

I’ve been getting bad recently. I’m emotional, aggressive, impulsive, suicidal, immature, i self harmed for the first time in two in a half years, i’ve been lashing out and splitting. I argue with my boyfriend of two years every day now and he finally is getting to his breaking point. I thought I’d never push him too far but I finally have. He brought my moods and emotions to my attention today and told me that it’s getting bad. He says he doesn’t want to break up and that he wants me to figure things out and get better but I’m scared he actually DOES want to break up with me, I would if I was him. 

I’m not going to get into specifics to keep this post short but I just feel like a huge fuck up. I made all this progress and now I’m back to being an emotionally volatile borderline abusive immature monster. At least thats how I feel. 

My emotions especially my anger can become so extreme that I cant think straight, my moods control and consume me. My body feels like its literally burning and my thoughts sound like they’re screaming. I can barely control my impulsive actions anymore. 


How can I get better again when I can’t afford therapy? Are there any apps or things I can try? I’ve honestly forgot a LOT of what I learned in therapy. I just need tips and advice on how I can get back into controlling my emotions and thoughts again.",3.9813782991202338,5.239071208211147,5.093822873900296,82.83673431085047,71.52199413489737,8.505853372434018,31.23530791788856,8.954980946260402,2.5931153313782995,1346,60,268,26,25,444,181,341,0.134,0.757,0.11,-0.8591,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,10,20,22,4,1,7,0,21,3,1,11,2,67,57,28,1,6,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,12,21,0,8,13,0,0,6,6,10,0,4,14,6,43,10,38,40,3,55,0,1,0,1,13,21,1,3,27,169,55,1,0.07486701269741496,0.08870516770192374,0.0730594046962595,0.0,0.0,0.07315917832967073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987112300541605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050912135933500184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424795922940812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513622299882473,0.12502165681026392,0.0,0.08268473352183757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864136618282954,0.0,0.083160373546961,0.09429238164836952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633190906985067,0.0,0.07919937242224334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358788832458193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828302959640428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551662733140329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210765623008618,0.06630995154324311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307868718535257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356503336554387,0.10697001766033942,0.0,0.16402630587869635,0.0,0.06368184275458999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921334684778975,0.3520343170116326,0.0,0.042548648626925575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958013355800614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654524081690702,0.0,0.07796247287804636,0.04114495223696911,0.061026607715468764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972872217522324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172618828703464,0.06364925692563249,0.0,0.07084097762293046,0.0499743123274056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559434063812785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055512941278659855,0.05774205559717788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077352615612248,0.0,0.07170190301034242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392214301498741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953725343884285,0.07495494036607596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810262213216804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251843498759099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189236048310475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424678149773933,0.0,0.09947663311227008,0.047971758739026066,0.0,0.17830813606583368,0.043655557168430295,0.0,0.07096517406712728,0.07153863898772457,0.0,0.1016595744435248,0.0,0.1462683856059077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247551147904546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629588200649909,0.05318337778071152,0.0,0.0,0.14463570469711526
bpd,izzlayislay,2019/04/16,"Animal Crossing I know this seems silly but in the game the villagers who are animals that stay in your town move out sometimes. I don't play it often as I do get burnt out but when I see that their house isn't there anymore I get really mad. Like oh Ken the chicken left me? Well, FUCK YOU KEN. I don't even think I wanna play this game anymore since even the NPCs abandon me. Always asking if they should move out. It hurts. It just hits close to home I guess",-0.026129807692306883,2.3032748645833365,1.302500000000002,98.87711538461541,92.02083333333334,4.203846153846154,15.71794871794872,5.8734145424116955,-0.7138339743589746,361,8,81,3,13,114,66,96,0.221,0.71,0.069,-0.9603,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,0,7,9,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,16,16,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,3,4,0,3,3,4,1,0,0,1,14,5,8,14,0,13,0,2,1,1,8,8,1,4,2,50,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311998780123066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888356292407745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832698167974492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25896355998158155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812347137398543,0.20484436593009445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595884227276085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966429026694637,0.0,0.0,0.2262024571067337,0.2098635923644077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773779885122263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299673223102752,0.0,0.0,0.09577465647004108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416716444373441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255874765726979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562175441526723,0.1784663628530081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216532301856693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388738811043327,0.0,0.0,0.2089512793907807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561374877282622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626242652369606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,greyladyhere,2019/04/16,"Advice concerning my friend who has BPD My (25F) friend (25F) was diagnosed with BPD approximately 6 months ago. Before the diagnosis she had pretty severe (in my opinion) depression which worsened a lot after her mother committed suicide. I used to have very few if any issues with our relationship, but since her diagnosis everything has gotten much worse for her, and I don't know how to be the right friend or a good friend a lot of the time. I have never had a close friend or relative that has BPD, so now that I do I want to be the best friend I can be to her while still being fair to myself. I had no idea how difficult this would be, so I am hoping to get some advice about these things. Disclaimer: Some of the described concerns below may have nothing to do with BPD, but I am new to this and from what I have researched and know they at least could be.

\-Frequent lying or excluding details: I feel that my friend twists stories to be suited for me to tell her what she wants, which is usually reassurance in something she wants to do, a boy she wants to pursue, etc. I know this is happening because a lot of her stories involve another one of our friends being there and knowing what actually happened, and I have caught her telling the exact opposite of what happened a lot. Do I confront her about this? She tells our other friend that I encourage her to do all this semi-reckless stuff, but she doesn't tell me the reality of what she wants to do.

\-Dramatic change in opinions of others: I could go on and on about this, but here is one good example of the many similar things she has done recently: She moved in with a guy after seeing him for 1 month. After 3 months she was telling me they were likely going to get engaged in the next couple of months, that they might be moving, and that they might be adopting kids in the near future. I thought this seemed crazy, but I didn't know what to do or say so I just let it be what it was. We even almost went to look at engagement rings. Then a couple of days after she told me all of that stuff she broke up with him like it was nothing at all, and suddenly she said he was boring and I guess pretended like she never said any of that stuff 3 days ago and we didn't almost look at rings. I never confronted her about that, but she has to know its not normal to love someone enough to get married and then not care at all 3 days later without anything happening or changing right? Because of stuff like this I don't trust her at times, and I don't know how to talk to her about things she wants to tell me. Sometimes she makes me feel bad about myself and my relationship with my partner because she presents these fake?/unrealistic? situations to me like they are reality. She wants me to give her attention and be excited for all of these situations, but I resent her so much now and I don't want to be so excited about these huge life changes if it's all going to change for no known reason days later. I feel horrible that I feel this way towards her, and I don't know what to do or how to be a good friend.

\-Stealing: This is a light concern because I haven't caught her stealing from me, but my other close friend has seen her stealing from her, although they were small inexpensive things. She also has the code to my house, and I absolutely believe she would come and take something here while I was gone if she knew I had something she really liked or wanted and I probably wouldn't find out. My other friend tried to confront her about the stolen item, but she claimed it was hers and made my other friend feel like a horrible person for even asking even though she saw her when she was taking it.

Any advice appreciated. Sorry for such a long post.",7.113093447905477,6.228916482993197,7.044577515216613,79.0068447905478,64.4421768707483,10.13139992839241,32.1312209094164,9.276330184999452,2.5378707482993192,2945,94,593,44,38,940,280,735,0.09,0.738,0.17300000000000001,0.9972,0,0,3,0,0,1,69.0,5,0,6,1,31,46,4,0,25,0,75,3,0,8,11,124,135,56,1,19,23,1,5,7,14,6,2,5,0,5,55,32,0,0,21,1,1,10,18,12,0,2,30,16,114,34,93,82,20,75,0,2,5,1,100,25,0,26,45,458,169,1,0.0,0.0,0.04523025447413556,0.0,0.0,0.13587606962005888,0.08217175873622895,0.0,0.09282430613256792,0.0,0.0,0.03706553783794907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455738957910884,0.048601307722943375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03814154461959774,0.0,0.0433303614524136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869974971610871,0.11301647139708028,0.0,0.03943986112725503,0.052219816492555235,0.048640756249079806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335014053103237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047256225068894986,0.0,0.19612575731996365,0.039925838771022217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401232783117984,0.1025692913555728,0.0,0.11956591896727532,0.0,0.03992060503948761,0.04704358844373718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743145082481205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789124188075722,0.05169174840248349,0.09183987456107306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04165578399261247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717805485007435,0.03311196648805734,0.0,0.0,0.04236244265371883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655218479925695,0.0,0.07264682673075883,0.044462495193724284,0.07902416723462377,0.11662684239582086,0.0,0.0,0.051059006103910426,0.04589311801407275,0.1639462173680833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046035337050620274,0.0,0.05348089717736474,0.0,0.05232274539197188,0.0,0.04837665255941873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377901164032292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739532428383448,0.03273789841315703,0.15850757035403815,0.0,0.0,0.041017693411798097,0.07784351794841651,0.0,0.0,0.15761815195756093,0.04183207471236318,0.04385685126237737,0.030938533829228024,0.04699093995102392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983386169615392,0.0,0.0,0.14798235359525266,0.0985239930578526,0.06814417265535225,0.0,0.10724236856478596,0.044764466158350516,0.04929303213592542,0.0,0.04541249684810829,0.08894685328598771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281500325089669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040470442137330434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443898404718813,0.04715392562064062,0.04997241077962981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029692563941425106,0.04765482477333391,0.04576436604899554,0.09952365693661937,0.0,0.07916413928112638,0.08817764245467186,0.03685884295013747,0.0,0.0,0.036934410540851725,0.042194684016435766,0.0,0.052361543564708304,0.0,0.038340639960413335,0.10419716478107187,0.0,0.0,0.03927163200741215,0.10704592263673833,0.04584066680862424,0.05188427379589524,0.0,0.0,0.037014630198713004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223554904022354,0.050698637903466376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969784714669902,0.037253831131627634,0.2430681138158892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123169726022379,0.0,0.04553797572363109,0.03679618616565485,0.05405332737509613,0.0,0.0,0.044288765554556464,0.0,0.03146814869987825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040030934615585205,0.051047232451688775,0.03824304658032922,0.2460422906824725,0.03678993618710438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042966287911472084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044679094574331515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723392111979873,0.06585046020608558,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tchxmii,2019/04/16,"Anyone know any coping strats for anxiety/panic attacks? So I used to just ride the panic attacks out, which was often horrible as sometimes they could last for hours. Nowadays I've found that self harming ends them just as quickly as they began, however this is obviously incredibly unhealthy/self destructive.  
 I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or ways to cope with panic attacks that don't end in me looking like I wrestled with Edward Scissorhands?",8.481951219512194,9.499772560975613,7.93039024390244,67.41582926829271,61.19512195121952,9.974634146341463,38.351219512195115,9.888512548439397,4.212567804878049,378,18,54,7,5,119,62,82,0.28300000000000003,0.691,0.026000000000000002,-0.9765,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,6,8,4,2,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,15,12,6,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,5,1,7,1,11,6,0,10,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,4,7,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924338745642835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163783612109386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789193177193245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561742365731469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301109220004202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886697622063131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867808319101086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048354162262832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955898248915448,0.13283478518298975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961440527989641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684601185801232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823987252022606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400072663886582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611723775852243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074579097830006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293506813772775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672401366685503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KashimaYatsuto,2019/04/16,"Does anyone else just NOT wanna get better? For a long time I've just been going about my life purposely developing habits that will fuck up my mental health, such as drugs, overdosing, self harm, bulimia, etc. I put myself into emotionally abusive and stressful relationships hoping that I will come out crazier then when I started. Recently my therapist found out about everything and I've been getting some support from my family (which I really do appreciate the effort) and I've started getting a little better and more stable. But, the problem is, I don't like feeling like I'm getting better, I want to hurt, I want to go mad, I want to fuck my mind up. It feels so unnatural not to be depressed or hurting and it's stressing me out like nothing before.",6.592480438184662,7.458238514084506,7.349248826291081,70.47407668231614,65.26760563380283,9.973082942097028,34.087636932707355,9.994966539143718,3.6064951486697967,607,26,100,13,9,202,95,142,0.292,0.602,0.106,-0.9833,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,7,18,3,2,4,0,8,5,0,0,0,27,28,11,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,3,2,15,8,16,22,3,18,0,3,0,2,2,7,2,3,10,66,20,0,0.0,0.1480807342687951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738884588956722,0.1280566680263851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634868225023272,0.0,0.0,0.3316036722838198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765910983644947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107644997199233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937074505794332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493699536119653,0.0,0.10440466207042948,0.14058555582334895,0.0,0.0,0.13938561568655555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232386750604664,0.0,0.11781991854550106,0.0,0.126387176483633,0.08928565928152522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703399988244452,0.0,0.23108379112391275,0.2611873392944304,0.0,0.1420579047207744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284778007609546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413323202336345,0.0,0.0,0.2675871169585226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827699328472641,0.18317658566053635,0.12526268442852392,0.0,0.1106032708688795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595033479637205,0.0,0.1261940624009059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992157638116838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958887702373724,0.0,0.12563931038435164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006531862809102,0.0,0.1234025649234506,0.1341816307844382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038128367575216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692282059015765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28632808632896195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182569951235702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511128656611513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287677964983233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211491339306245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MonkOfMadness,2019/04/16,"4 months on the other side of a breakup. I didn't realize I had BPD until after the breakup. It really mucked things up. I'm slowly recovering from a bounty of mental health issues. I have a gut feeling/strong intuition that it's just not over though. It's been over month with no contact. I keep praying, hoping, singing songs over her every night that she is doing well and that life is bringing her growth like it's slowly giving me. It's just so hard. She validated me. She understood my struggles and was seeking ways to learn about them. Just as I was seeking ways to learn about hers. Nobody has ever cared about me in this way. No one has ever had this patience with me. No one has ever been so present and loving with me. It really shook me to my core. 4 months after it and I still can't shake the feeling. I've been working on myself. Weekly therapy. Changing my diet. Learning to cook more. Reading more. Building more confidence. 
Does anyone have any advice or words or kindness?",1.6992789291882533,4.374473787564772,2.892363989637307,88.64887413644216,85.73575129533678,5.081951640759931,21.51316925734024,6.6274283507984215,0.6454734024179616,783,26,146,9,24,251,116,193,0.07,0.768,0.162,0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,14,9,0,3,6,0,17,6,1,0,3,25,26,11,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,14,7,2,1,6,4,0,4,6,3,1,2,9,3,23,6,24,17,3,28,1,0,0,1,10,8,0,3,14,110,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207285376207487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886978788362788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165965951035004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831128787209665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823419839124516,0.0,0.15380272322755226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127231256916178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945391489777385,0.12249685281598754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351325673780608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947077499117785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024035853833918,0.0,0.0,0.15454214953597445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440449433742827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174877600871595,0.0,0.12922879238117652,0.0,0.15140070270089734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269284356110386,0.07102992431494322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121962350969546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651833446563878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34814533211118925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643811712246934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703926075908748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454287595407516,0.0,0.18628036444388216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161081747061964,0.0,0.0,0.15199258408912122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662654669802642,0.0,0.09659026708321652,0.0,0.1428443621535824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34621005115895953,0.11662261903906546,0.0,0.1307225447419138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584522577253397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wyliecoyote22,2019/04/16,"My story of living with BPD I want to say I just found this sub today and can’t stop lurking. I looked for it today when I was thinking about my BPD and thought  about how strange it is that it kinda feels like I don’t really even have it anymore. When I was 16 after years of odd and troubling behavior I started seeing Dr m. He quickly diagnosed me with BPD. I thought it was a life sentence diagnosis and I was always going to be an impulsive, angry girl. I was worried about growing up and having a family and how they would be able to cope with behaviors like mine. Behaviors I never thought were going to change. I was Terrified with a capital T. I struggled a lot and spent some time in and out of mental health hospitals and talking to Dr m. In fact, I’ve spent the last 5 years talking to him. Once a month, every month. Sometimes in the beginning and during really bad times it was a couple times a month. Sometimes I skipped out for a month or two, but I always went back and talked to him. He never really says too much, which I like. I feel like I get told what to do too much but he never does that. Anyway, lately I never have to worry about what I’m going to tell him that month. For almost a year now it’s all been pretty positive. I’ve been going to work and being an excellent and well liked employee for 3 years now. I’m living with my boyfriend and practice healthy communication skills and have a strong relationship. I hang out with my parents and little sister (18) every time I have a day off. I look back at my 16 year old self and feel heartbreak for the time I missed out on having fun with my family who has always loved and supported me. That doesn’t stop me for enjoying the present anymore. I went through a really bad time when I was 18 that I’m not going to go into on this post but basically I fell into a deep depression and had to be put on strong anti psychotics for 3 weeks but after that I was fine again. I have matured into an amazing, strong woman that I never dreamt I could be when I was 16. I know I’m not too old yet, but I wanted to tell a short story about how my life long sentence seems to have not been so terrifying as I had thought. I was doing some reading earlier and found an article that talked about the 3 different reasons why it appears that some patients with BPD simply “grow out” of the disorder. I highly suggest giving it a google if this has something you have felt before. 5 years ago when I took a “do you have BPD?” Quiz I fit all the boxes but when I took one today it wasn’t that many at all. I understand this doesn’t mean I’m cured or that I might just being going through a good time in my life but part of me really believes that seeing Dr m every month helped me say my thoughts and actions out loud and reflect on them without judgment or “friendly advice”. Once I learned my symptoms and triggers I learned how to overcome them and I fully believe and support each one of you as we all make the journey to heal better together. Thank you.",4.118508403361343,4.967530416666668,5.1899159663865575,83.80676470588239,70.81372549019608,7.985434173669468,27.643323996265174,8.192908349453996,1.735444164332399,2373,80,480,33,42,783,263,612,0.087,0.755,0.158,0.9936,3,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,4,3,7,32,28,0,1,29,0,47,11,0,7,10,111,99,49,0,5,17,2,4,5,1,2,10,4,0,3,30,44,0,2,20,1,2,19,14,7,1,3,33,12,71,21,72,57,12,101,0,3,4,1,36,26,0,13,60,334,101,6,0.05522512371288039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396535174066384,0.048953740078174775,0.0,0.05529998414585709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137855180764615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953696657952916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492942258351155,0.09222134309059317,0.0,0.0,0.04699251275710392,0.124439606152884,0.0,0.04884213410196661,0.0,0.0,0.3477705503463437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842085829814199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409276757551989,0.06110554898966158,0.0,0.03561563613431259,0.0,0.047565318131737394,0.056052338088851884,0.0,0.05769850021154491,0.06329277625530146,0.0,0.04832787791668302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647567337181125,0.0,0.1395886457044703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412266345271592,0.0,0.08377044563561302,0.07890567882996645,0.05302477922024988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110299538043708,0.04266679358872892,0.0,0.028852847807055677,0.0529769708331927,0.21969997328653715,0.04632021363211631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870172406358321,0.0,0.0,0.037016236329096924,0.05834837527234831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030350283730843062,0.04501584662507245,0.06229634498520385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702141423803693,0.1349010295868312,0.055350082120868144,0.09752959201928467,0.04887249665260302,0.09275039023200048,0.0,0.0,0.04695042531157827,0.04984283028365896,0.0,0.0368631989084612,0.0559896075189473,0.0,0.06015634952310792,0.0,0.0,0.05565393561486345,0.05858512910543195,0.0,0.0,0.26448100121524826,0.0,0.0811936404262843,0.0,0.2129650996412917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589895494188207,0.11762590880231474,0.07484394613056618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132096443038675,0.059803427332030284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289040288276168,0.05618380460635527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551650261296457,0.0,0.0,0.055240068415660065,0.0,0.17689314185291302,0.05678062490820709,0.0,0.05929111544203381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175170485193158,0.0,0.0,0.08801454715659067,0.05027487851761432,0.05761184818448431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042514998289608086,0.10923811890959123,0.0,0.03908862680612856,0.0,0.0,0.09234135248263127,0.0,0.05773328996458432,0.0,0.0,0.12533763188410432,0.0,0.057400048859891535,0.0,0.17755145019962698,0.09653838454183343,0.05084387418545185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035386029382452444,0.0,0.21921289760923812,0.22541549621962825,0.0,0.157040879926755,0.052769972328341484,0.12271428888166873,0.0,0.0,0.05394692134315957,0.057491301403701185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514641759894875,0.0,0.044298263114361566,0.0,0.049654018488612776,0.1023884859173579,0.04983208443236621,0.0,0.0,0.0532350485460813,0.0,0.04020454779102591,0.11216758764345557,0.0,0.039230343399424286,0.0,0.0,0.21337901426574804
bpd,mynameisalexparrish,2019/04/16,"DAE indulge in self destructive behaviour even though you KNOW it’s destructive and will make you feel shitty in the long run? Does anyone else indulge in really self destructive behaviours when you’re feeling shitty, or in turn when you can’t feel anything at all in order to try to make yourself feel again? 

I find myself using casual sex. Like I have the insight to see it’s not gonna help and to know I’m hooking up with random guys to try and make myself feel wanted and good about myself for a little while, yet I STILL do it and can’t help myself. Wtf is that all about? Anyone else do this?

My brain will literally say ‘why are you doing this? You know this will make you feel worse later! You know this kinda behaviour is just a temporary ‘high’ to make you feel something and won’t fix your problems but looks like you’re gonna do it anyhow?!’ 

It makes me mad at myself that I have the insight to know it’s wrong/unhelpful/damaging yet I can’t help myself and do it anyway. Uggggh BPD makes me really fucking stupid sometimes! 🤦🏼‍♀️",3.3621848739495803,5.043446333333336,4.3428851540616265,85.92819327731094,73.76190476190476,7.4173669467787136,22.829131652661065,8.124751697461798,1.1777450980392152,830,22,165,13,17,269,111,210,0.16899999999999998,0.7859999999999999,0.045,-0.9789,0,0,1,1,0,0,16.0,0,9,0,0,12,11,6,0,5,0,17,3,1,8,2,41,45,13,0,2,4,0,7,2,0,6,0,1,0,3,13,8,0,0,15,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,0,10,23,4,19,39,2,21,0,0,2,2,16,10,1,3,11,100,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073612005212794,0.2208836275225957,0.08870055668747755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357555445440195,0.120327349760909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943262357422493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800865260966779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119313145216825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815068928273987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851652007023076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996485127088554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904076814261708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672732729027293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674460279150126,0.11388421835126394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29618805350559313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053198018801232,0.10803215699821912,0.0,0.09538922127955347,0.09051499415401776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036465200299686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313881102588904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138103843321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857175534221451,0.0,0.0,0.08589329059877852,0.0,0.2248933331095175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298067128377946,0.10660534871891164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607984644963723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590142159663576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463623109888076,0.1172426784854839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930944517464031,0.0,0.0,0.06357631049717755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726214239736812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984544909347556,0.0,0.1178495452285675,0.0,0.0
bpd,OneWhoClicks,2019/10/01,"Got diagnosed with BPD So, my psychiatrist has diagnosed me with BPD and I'm struggling to accept it. I mean I have always known that I have Borderline tendencies but I never thought I would get diagnosed. When the psychiatrist was going down the criteria, I hated how much many of the criteria fit me and I got sad and angry. It scares me because I am worried about my relationship with my GF and if many of thing romantic things I do is me or is it the BPD. I hate this and I don't want this. I'm worried about my future and how this will affect my identity.",2.171230893000807,4.370115584070799,4.288930008045053,82.60995172968623,79.0,8.356878519710378,25.316975060337892,9.095868883498916,2.273219469026549,443,17,89,12,11,152,64,113,0.247,0.685,0.068,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,2,4,0,11,3,0,3,1,22,22,13,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,0,20,1,9,16,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,68,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920929006270364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733399108346071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413178113931325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43623775715780977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485088665414616,0.0,0.08142171173613945,0.0,0.22916677921893866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828922186293256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904996965454494,0.0,0.15605933008041747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531743724616212,0.0,0.1104960358931443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381471497119606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434348620845291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977335936500874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903599293309496,0.0,0.0,0.11373767928768233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450235401772271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909883781702885,0.0,0.1017724838404154,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jessie_317,2019/10/01,"Anyone from the UK with a BPD diagnosis? Hi, so I know you're not supposed to self diagnose but whenever I read about BPD, I feel like it described me so perfectly. I've been taking medication for depression & anxiety for a long time. The thing is, even though I've talked about my symptoms to my doctor, they've never even mentioned BPD? Should I just mention it to them? 

I've just had enough of feeling like this and my boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me due to not being able to cope with my constant mood swings, jealous behavior and abandonment issues. 

Can anyone from the UK tell me how they got a diagnosis? I feel like the process may be different in the US? I just get the impression that in the UK, doctors don't really like to label these sort of conditions? I also feel like they must get fed up with people self-diagnosing...

Thanks",4.086909258406266,5.732276760479046,4.964910179640717,82.34705204974668,71.81437125748502,8.731275909719024,27.81621372639337,9.265573868473778,2.3482661446338096,677,25,133,15,13,220,103,167,0.10400000000000001,0.722,0.175,0.9233,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,3,1,13,13,1,0,10,0,10,6,0,1,3,26,21,8,0,2,7,0,4,5,0,3,5,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,5,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,4,18,8,23,12,1,10,0,3,0,0,10,4,0,2,11,85,24,3,0.11846864078497307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473932923420196,0.0,0.128360722794843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062818593757514,0.0,0.0,0.1656720563399037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476213176318969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802251393287145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203686671429747,0.2404863533029001,0.0,0.12377451485543607,0.0,0.2425153475791076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240977459473212,0.0,0.15649483986822674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396052174610255,0.3385360825917539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123789950394637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475019435203892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365048186034815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510726675280679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893889690267528,0.0,0.0,0.10484101910398498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934469205772827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137031913341197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082131238927317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850070008165205,0.0,0.07589404484977302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247177258778479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313427860798758,0.08907367426604122,0.0952206059506062,0.10354681376277856,0.1090700076709434,0.0,0.0,0.07870530083994523,0.0,0.11639483807309295,0.0,0.06908001714129032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250318820531402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762899205185625
bpd,JuilenJane,2019/10/01,"Does anyone else feel numb/out of it, even when they know they should have some emotion? I've gone non contact with my parents for a month now, I've been unwell with a chronic condition, and I spoke about a trauma 2 weeks ago at my therapist. BUT I just don't feel anything. I don't even feel in my body, when I look in the mirror I can't associate that person to me. 

 For a bit I was hyper sexual, now I've binge shoped and ate. I just don't feel any pure joy if I don't do them things atm. 

 I'm not depress, but I could just sleep all day and just stay in the house and just toddle along. 

How can I help myself? does anyone else have this? can somone explain this in better detail?",2.2720485678704883,3.2744090068493183,3.4877334993773377,93.6974283935243,75.36986301369862,6.404981320049814,20.122042341220425,6.574015621080383,-0.014567123287671182,529,10,124,4,11,172,91,146,0.015,0.889,0.096,0.8927,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,13,4,0,0,6,0,14,4,2,1,2,28,25,10,0,3,9,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,6,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,5,6,18,2,13,18,3,15,0,1,1,0,9,5,0,2,8,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767868261776373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329205183208345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329777712891341,0.34139777006783245,0.1370955946193089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734200101769865,0.18188138417359467,0.1850523294203109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301459333088012,0.0,0.0,0.10744164218116288,0.0,0.1434902319776281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915812901343478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783417635713133,0.18739982853508647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200722307444898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369469226529581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166683092689776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922312132985207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155766058504927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989998945812954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297658079689975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498687188086047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546656105984848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667178720552574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757082956271852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343260452137664,0.11068001438160883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336345114497308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IllusionOfColours,2019/10/01,"DAE feel they are really charming? To the point where you can get what you want easily? Or at least, easier than other people?

I have found, looking back and in the present moment, I am very charming and just overall can talk to anyone and at least 70% of the time, get what I want.

But, I hate it because I feel like people are blind to seeing the real me, but I don't know if the real me is really charming or the Bpd doing the talking... 

It's draining.

It's like a light switch, turning off and on again and again. I can feel switch. I don't know if it's me or not. It's confusing, and I feel like I'm manipulating people, but I don't know if I am if that makes sense? I mean, I have a mean streak and will do it on purpose sometimes, but it's also a switch that I sometimes cannot control. 

I hope this doesn't come across as bratty or something like that, I'm just curious if anyone has this? It's been bugging me.",2.195076923076922,3.3017865589743565,3.9425641025641016,89.95076923076925,75.71794871794873,6.635897435897437,22.743589743589745,7.0316486544052195,0.5738820512820517,709,19,160,7,15,239,93,195,0.055,0.767,0.17800000000000002,0.9661,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,1,1,7,10,1,1,10,0,20,1,0,3,0,43,43,22,0,8,16,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,8,0,1,10,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,8,22,8,13,40,2,16,0,0,3,0,5,9,0,11,10,111,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950798142579474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914982153145093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052956311546961,0.0,0.08347515220654045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246658923049615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795857461077924,0.0,0.0,0.15358580506529226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27695661258463955,0.1956547684266037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014368337155048,0.0,0.0,0.14308722362815818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519633487012925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600873287499204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22576997586584255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676008124707807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499207909626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140610350036923,0.0,0.0,0.2983277454768845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848033523024943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129449150085953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31172718149982376,0.17544991548741118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912057343301906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054203229521124,0.27086718187508885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012856607871129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984871008851327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894746979621512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298686269963548,0.16153726117244227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnderCaptainKirk,2019/10/01,"Spending all my time looking for hookups; don’t want casual sex I’ve been spending much too much time and money on dating apps lately, trying to match with someone who’s looking for casual sex. Still trapped in the download-and-delete cycle, I’ve been trying to figure out why this is. I’m not a sexually impulsive person; in fact I’ve never had sex, and I’m terrified of flirting. I don’t think I could ever enjoy a hookup, or be good at it: I’d be very anxious that I might be taking advantage of someone who really wanted a relationship, or felt pressured into sex; and I’d almost certainly either immediately get emotionally attached or become very regretful post-sex. The few times I actually have matched I’ve immediately steered away from an actual hookup. So: why the hell have I been doing this.

I kept thinking about what it would be like in those moments after sex, and I realised that while I couldn’t exactly imagine a version that would make me happy, I could figure out what my imagination was missing. I wanted to be held; to be warm and trusting and peaceful with someone. I think I wanted that way, way more than the sex, but I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting it with me. So, I thought, casual sex was as close as I’d get.

This isn’t to bash casual sex or anything - if it’s safe sane and consensual and it’s your thing and you partner’s thing then go for it - but it’s not (I think) mine. And I wondered if there was anyone else around here maybe not really into casual sex who might be in a similar position. I do want sex, but I don’t want it to be casual, I want a lot more besides it. It’s hard for me to be honest with myself about that, I think, because I really don’t believe it’s something I’ll ever have - but I think being honest is a necessary first step to living better and more honestly to myself, rather than some half-life mired in self-distraction and self-deception. I hope now that I’m seeing things this way I’ll have the strength to hold on to my way of seeing.",5.8689873143228874,5.698988623441397,6.9821337959449234,76.05739889406918,66.75561097256858,9.966431746720156,31.150493331887674,9.653516015845867,2.7713425349669314,1582,55,306,30,23,536,184,401,0.042,0.792,0.16699999999999998,0.9914,0,1,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,0,4,13,26,1,1,13,0,38,10,0,1,7,84,71,28,0,19,15,0,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,30,22,0,4,14,6,3,2,11,4,0,1,11,7,34,22,44,42,11,36,1,2,4,10,8,15,1,13,16,208,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.17013790603874318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729186502767408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848146426138543,0.0,0.12190775123993372,0.08931975397697198,0.07173652470132022,0.07760307195731245,0.0,0.0,0.08190255762947524,0.0,0.0,0.05314027638950799,0.09627649911235292,0.0,0.09821490432749302,0.0,0.07709805063319962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920220684863385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282243770592432,0.09805867552535492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577071989015678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370041949031974,0.0,0.0,0.07414990187778772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108931712510132,0.0,0.04954282075154928,0.07311716086144021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279802112228884,0.07809050958150786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658315037846133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983357268932098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258866489266487,0.0,0.07697597127963485,0.0,0.1464078999379323,0.0,0.0,0.07411195957091829,0.0,0.0,0.05818911946011416,0.0,0.08757769527337296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495503250097595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816539481282452,0.0,0.06723372898068186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611670950961541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348830440030462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753710694257956,0.0,0.0,0.0935919264073424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893229970194398,0.0,0.1818823550636268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215859709661589,0.06711057063885789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961702678910052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554377101575216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374299169151786,0.3351443095431441,0.0,0.06920617778102756,0.1524950507290059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183704356510899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385485868623749,0.4113384392360598,0.2767776913460557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573214045358331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453615548698864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385138599604473,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,184956,2019/10/01,Not sure if BPD is what I have? I've done the dreaded googling and I think this is probably closest thing to what is going on in my head. But what are the main symptoms ? Id rather know from someone who has it than a medical book definition.,1.3737999999999992,3.4663047799999984,2.9419999999999997,91.781,81.2,6.4,26.0,7.554174236665415,1.2864000000000009,189,8,42,3,5,62,42,50,0.12300000000000001,0.877,0.0,-0.7203,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,7,3,1,0,1,8,10,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39773072448988506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323166282876753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947266309976898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240951283296807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355179046529484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31812862099997585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404786899243481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675707176913956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976315362983692,0.3282302511823294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097990986435213,0.2023476555028424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mollyleejames,2019/10/01,"I hate being the way I am I hate my emotions. 

I feel like I can never get anything to come out right and I’m always just being out of hand. 

But I really feel what I’m feeling and I’m not trying to be a bad person. I wish someone could understand what my head feels like and how scrambled up my emotions and thoughts are. I feel like my brain gets so fuzzy that I can’t think. 

I almost hate myself for it. 

I just wanna be alone forever. I hurt everyone I love and I don’t know what to do.

Sometimes I just wish a huge truck would hit me on my work commute or that maybe if I just closed my eyes god would so the work for me. 

I ruin everything. I feel bad. I just feel bad.",-0.9644360902255612,1.0944646938775513,1.4749874686716784,98.2678195488722,92.5374149659864,4.455281059792338,16.580379520229144,6.05967700443912,-0.5345972789115652,518,13,124,5,19,175,82,147,0.19399999999999998,0.642,0.165,-0.8225,0,1,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,12,3,0,4,0,13,5,4,1,1,38,37,11,0,7,9,0,8,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,11,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,9,28,4,11,28,0,10,0,2,1,1,2,7,0,3,4,80,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018173425013125,0.12430353207838188,0.0,0.0,0.09986545780289624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876544561109793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30063266161896834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398094400028024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033857778164215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582543931906227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700105371599497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146833383174964,0.10786537643774637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247966380477396,0.2572248836172498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254099921027492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35548187025652034,0.1231741629982895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284828671834529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595932693462672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590572516380995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832187162342727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057525974782042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256608443913958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479599847453028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688727182548477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249560643779096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169174515009513,0.0,0.11870190181383868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690335621421401,0.0,0.09528171340949076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148505153361943,0.0,0.0,0.12494405583860275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526552943155404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27603195128224284,0.0,0.0,0.17475058457606318,0.0,0.0,0.17051616841464204,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sparrow04,2019/10/01,"Emotional vampire I hate you so much. I never wanted to be in a long distance with you anyway but you forced me into it with your pathetic pathological lying and manipulation. The cutting, crying and begging. All while swiping on Tinder like the desperate piece of trash you are. Fetish for Asian chicks? No problem, get Tinder gold and swipe in Japan for that waifu you so desire. 

You wanted me to make major life decisions for you? A poor worthless little boy that can't even put his big boy pants on and go to uni. I had to deal with actual shit and you had the audacity to f with me like this. 

You have set me so far back in my recovery. You could have broke up with me, but instead you decide to bore me with your endless shit that no one but you cares about. Talk to the girls on Tinder about your body issues now that you don't have the option to use me as surrogate mother.

You repulse me, you disgust me, I wish we never met. Rot in hell.",2.0347953216374286,4.30867283597884,3.4609022556390983,87.96699248120302,79.8994708994709,6.09534948482317,20.529379003063205,7.273561745256523,0.6065597883597893,742,20,149,10,19,243,114,189,0.31,0.611,0.08,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,18,0,0,10,13,6,0,7,0,10,5,3,3,3,31,20,13,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,6,13,0,0,2,0,1,2,6,10,0,1,3,0,34,3,30,15,4,21,1,2,0,0,28,12,3,1,8,112,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.18312204951228664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442934090162927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843994151661235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132452132849376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982547986073355,0.0,0.2061277734928736,0.0,0.1934617821542394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108412643299204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394289509758825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980408353963447,0.0,0.10664740252037212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526827591031728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586075444900256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325447120261184,0.18335534467811812,0.18807738933344328,0.0,0.1660668101730515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525969154016633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794638902709508,0.0,0.2894587933741807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271583840192952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955837276325362,0.0,0.18864287958179984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852457755643721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508282009094016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207175652505332,0.0,0.0,0.22136494973359927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579144250022608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psychofistface,2019/10/01,"Is it permanent? Hi—first time poster here. 

I was diagnosed at the age of 22. Today is my 27th birthday, and I’ve spend the morning reflecting on just how hard my life was up until today, and what I’ve lived through. 

Last summer was the worst summer of my life. I was fleeing an abusive relationship that, because the family had known about my diagnosis and used it frequently to gaslight and manipulate me in spite of being in treatment, I didn’t realize was abusive. I was living with my ex-best friend, who turned out to be a cluster-b as well (narcissist though) and because I had “made him look bad” he ended our friendship and left me homeless. I tried to end my life and instead committed myself to a hospital to get treatment. I moved in with my mom, slept on the floor of her apartment because she had no other room, and while things were good, I couldn’t stay—so I ended up reconnecting with my abusive ex, and then FINALLY realizing it was abusive and running. 

This year, I reconnected with the absolute love of my life, who I now live with, am engaged to and am extremely happy with. On day one, I explained to him everything—I was dealing with untreated BPD while we were dating the first time and broke up with him for that and other reasons (he had his own demons, we were barely in our 20s and not ready), what had happened in the time we were apart, and he just shrugged and said “I’m really sorry you had to go through that. You single though?” So the fact he didn’t run for the hills still amazes me. I have been expressing and working through my triggers—he has been so patient, he has read all about BPD, he is the most loving and kind man I’ve ever known and each day I end up in tears for the sheer love I feel for him. I have learned to coexist with my disorder and understand that while it’s a part of me, it isn’t me. I have not been to a therapist in some time due to mine retiring and not finding one good enough to replace her. So I’ve been healing using the techniques I’ve learned and progressing forward. 

For the first time, I am happy and sure that it isn’t mania. Happiest I’ve ever been. I have no FP, in a way I think I’m my own FP. I’ve made so much progress. But I am so scared that this can all be undone. I’m hoping it won’t be. I’m hoping it’s permanent. 

Anyway. I’m glad I’m amongst peers. It’s nice to finally be able to talk about these things to someone that isn’t my fiancé.",3.489289248762933,4.586434287449396,4.619156545209176,86.38629667116508,72.52226720647774,7.999010346378768,27.892262708052176,8.430304187100639,1.803849482681061,1894,70,403,31,36,622,223,494,0.09,0.78,0.131,0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,1,54.0,5,2,0,5,21,22,1,1,20,0,49,10,1,7,7,74,75,38,0,3,6,2,2,0,1,1,6,1,1,1,27,37,0,0,13,1,1,6,12,5,1,4,29,4,56,17,60,39,12,63,1,1,1,3,36,23,0,4,35,279,83,4,0.07949218325750503,0.3767409540085743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637265262930382,0.14537309128201598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342214205077894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002352441140637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025317639536974,0.08195295044843406,0.0,0.08068289270905547,0.0,0.0,0.09110492889288394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281625919344516,0.08213667490501493,0.0,0.0,0.14381046153958438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493815575203817,0.0,0.0401936363278554,0.0,0.0,0.17415960242275189,0.07265441537503571,0.20284803141069946,0.0,0.0,0.061415463595862,0.0,0.041531384833175686,0.0,0.04517723964332215,0.13334854367061136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029467512764496,0.16924181445751102,0.07120938234270002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790734860809175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277887627595851,0.0,0.06479673903523354,0.0,0.0,0.08636848970026834,0.0,0.22459071959170224,0.0,0.0,0.21057916254206005,0.0,0.06675341331836318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523439691583196,0.15043485167766665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931002842854864,0.0,0.0844876105769596,0.05843590118209916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773192129831613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608228801116953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951369497123639,0.0,0.050924728108442216,0.08173120379314104,0.0,0.08534485569944976,0.0,0.0,0.07561526980468762,0.0,0.07958554296425405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735346891219914,0.0,0.0,0.08898499103587773,0.0,0.0847280905809673,0.06348256023368272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492044196885196,0.0,0.0,0.06389280579199802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229655162145264,0.10562214871801884,0.05093538127772994,0.1562013328932789,0.0,0.231762656583276,0.0,0.15069858990218818,0.0,0.0,0.05396997442789432,0.08646466862911552,0.0,0.08275416621347588,0.0,0.1373114470846645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630971950132411,0.0,0.0,0.07147301937592128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787125615879691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119035976422966
bpd,BPDprisoner,2019/10/01,"How to stop assuming people hate me? I hate this. I’ve done so much DBT and am more convinced than ever that there is an ultimatum, a point where BPD becomes so deeply ingrained as the only guarantee of ones identity that there is no turning back. This disorder is the only semblance I have of myself. I try to distance myself from it as much as possible - I have a few accomplishments that make me feel like i don’t have the worst degree of BPD - I’ve had my job at a law firm for almost 10 years now. I have a 6 year old son who is doing ok, not great, but ok. But I still feel like I’m toiling around in this meaningless void of an existence. And I’ll never really get that far from it. Sigh!",2.8106628787878805,4.029330104166668,4.511287878787879,86.0352272727273,74.34722222222223,8.014141414141415,24.202020202020197,8.575989854853784,1.4417861111111114,541,16,117,10,11,183,95,144,0.133,0.7709999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.7395,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,2,0,9,2,13,0,0,2,2,16,21,10,0,0,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,2,2,12,6,16,19,5,15,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,11,83,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181995872406554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385906289219302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426111751382996,0.0,0.0,0.17847549834706064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40706135433282536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852086325043133,0.0,0.0,0.1653738279224409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617726639618164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342054178891394,0.23089543132022985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442980071919748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816556338515294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31909486595991565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036395839259518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157900074488252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786985598532227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375905119210104,0.0,0.12463657690289635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695729609559277,0.0,0.10950495249374988,0.2458095338054104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203371700768673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276508507047032,0.1821807344167415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035256749358513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905468794753033,0.13510558888996754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971640372866603,0.17577537495875167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813136335321447
bpd,eurospleen,2019/10/01,"My therapist broke up with me my therapist I've been seeing for two years and a half said we weren't going anywhere and asked me to think about quitting therapy or find a new therapist 
isn't it ironic that the person who's supposed to teach me how to cope with abandonment is actually the one abandoning me",13.123278688524584,7.326871245901643,12.360737704918034,60.76602459016394,57.85245901639344,16.790163934426232,46.89344262295082,13.816669648895859,6.051813114754098,250,10,47,7,2,83,47,61,0.14400000000000002,0.8340000000000001,0.022000000000000002,-0.8141,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,3,3,2,7,0,8,6,0,4,0,3,1,0,5,1,0,1,2,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.20334597208547608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480444169056335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045287676331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842549705867655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012518830965776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120170277739796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194682945793333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163467505081955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821432169262054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604955470963195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382973521139723,0.7258255543411435,0.0,0.13351961946572802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355412954746774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418800811101486
bpd,aSoulInThisUniverse,2019/10/01,"I thought everything was going good :( You broke up with me last night, you had told me you weren't happy in this relationship months ago, I listened, you told me I did a good job last night, I dressed up for you & I surprised you everytime we hung out, I took you on romantic dates you enjoyed, I can't even remember how many times you told me you love these moments with me recently. These past weeks have been wonderful to us, EVERYTHING WAS GOING GOOD, so why did you leave me? I know school has been stressing you, my life isn't perfect & I have been working on myself, and I really think this new medication that the psychiatric changed is affecting the way you think like it did the last times. I'm so sorry for our history & I hope our time apart will help you see what you want in this clearer, I love you Mariah. BPD sucks I feel like she's a stranger again..",5.075470219435736,5.5440095459770165,5.227366771159876,85.75885579937305,68.48275862068965,9.315778474399163,29.61128526645768,9.339509955726095,2.2418689655172406,687,24,147,13,11,216,104,174,0.10099999999999999,0.6859999999999999,0.213,0.9709,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,4,16,0,2,5,15,1,1,5,0,17,4,0,2,1,17,37,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,15,3,42,12,12,21,0,29,0,1,1,2,29,8,1,2,19,90,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021043235718403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674631203954575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238028455292775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959003457929195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466728779601993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320091419616765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571605803253794,0.08076167600637857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284958252817439,0.2844584679866552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034193983846105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577384365016653,0.0,0.0,0.11228239727373426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218292173863753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062128349130712426,0.27644818022194645,0.0,0.11970174959094004,0.0,0.0,0.07984930601227615,0.11045930691904483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406087725493516,0.0,0.0,0.11461315862736725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388419549558584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023401630368044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918268215157607,0.0,0.21217620601514334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791732441112532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242158902585745,0.0,0.11162148599115508,0.12137148875443902,0.12806160383464776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441084115088322,0.0900848005708961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265482348093597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949636215774046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487347843726964,0.0,0.08974766468348631,0.1977579909415256,0.0,0.0,0.3240672766200361,0.12560073985765732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598309790324126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667877330401234,0.08973242068573338,0.0906804687910167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020084414031008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259597994209882,0.08230045570430278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AbominableMissD,2019/10/01,"Troubling thoughts I don't want to post this and I can't tell anyone I know but if I keep it all inside, I'm scared what will happen.  I'm sorry if I go into detail and seem like I'm attention seeking, I just don't really know what to do anymore.

.

.

I have a history of self harm which has left me with scars on my wrists and legs as well as suicidal thoughts. Whenever I would think about actually doing it, it sounds weird but the scars on my wrist would tingle and it stopped that thought going any further but as the years have gone by, things in my life seem to get worse and I know it's a lot to do with me and even if it isn't I still think it is.  

I do feel like a burden, I have a lot of issues that have never been looked into and I'm only now seeking help because things have got gotten so bad. My GP thinks I could have BDP, possibly even Autism and they've referred for an assessment but in the meant time I have no idea how I can help myself.  I'm in my early thirties and have always struggled and it's crushing me knowing that I've lost so much of my life and I feel like the best years of my life are gone and those feelings of suicide are no longer swayed, I don't get a ""don't do it"" tingle on my wrists anymore. I'm not scared of actually doing it anymore and recently I would have done it after an argument with my boyfriend but the what I used wasn't sharp enough.

I feel ashamed to write this, I feel like I am attention seeking and like I'm crying other nothing but it hurts so much.",2.8622795611540037,3.693640672897197,4.079211702559935,90.67473791141815,73.73520249221184,7.077935798455912,24.548422050656924,7.255503002510835,0.8153840173371258,1180,34,269,12,23,387,150,321,0.21100000000000002,0.69,0.099,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,11,18,0,4,12,0,35,9,4,2,2,66,74,30,2,8,11,0,6,5,0,4,5,1,0,1,25,19,0,2,22,0,0,4,11,11,1,0,12,8,35,7,29,57,7,25,0,2,1,0,5,10,0,7,15,180,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.1857404402158177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918738291527876,0.0,0.0,0.06471748969164559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28314319059396365,0.06654366421986367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946128793750698,0.058013517149610436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987292336925367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598388795613498,0.0,0.10453755703161206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738988491998612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833396310538953,0.0,0.12571510617296985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405989502439341,0.2039640712861825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944268303103376,0.0,0.10817231209875876,0.0,0.07611452718125375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841567302121837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275781815677852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187929065312833,0.10743306527229904,0.0,0.09933064546090896,0.0,0.084589673122759,0.0,0.0,0.20920733129227664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034002884762,0.0,0.20165987568600965,0.2324713389726971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991713433734292,0.0,0.10388709196785856,0.16181682631999242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991883059585325,0.0,0.07339941291730193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131624328246088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723795370473366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728759793723912,0.09114461775880524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060967044755080586,0.0,0.0939668988707443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055949987309573,0.0,0.0,0.1732747090437388,0.09928095826368867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065327618335468,0.0,0.0,0.07600127157659607,0.07956469242649364,0.0,0.09949023563772756,0.0,0.20819664695711748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831810090161533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645075402870354,0.18293939616311766,0.0,0.22665823670902085,0.05549321432361865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219457865311419,0.0,0.0,0.05613254018478038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556744302676318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698430181204834,0.2028138069743794,0.0,0.0,0.12257011753223612
bpd,ReservedGuy01,2019/10/01,"""you can't have BPD, you're too gentle and didn't ask me to go fuck myself"" is that....true? Said a therapist once....
But like wow, I didn't know being BPD means I had to be a dick lol. 

More seriously, I've been wondering if you can have BPD without actually being.....impulsive and openly dramatic. I've always suspected I have most of the symptoms since I was probably 13yo (I'm 22 now) and it tends to be overly focused on emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, self-harming and feeling worthless/unloveable. Literally, last week, I went full on suicide mode, I was considering breaking up with my partner and cutting myself. Luckily, I've done none of these things, but I can say those crisis moments happen frequently. I do think my last suicide attempt was caused by one of those crisis, but I don't remember the details. I tend to forget the situation itself  when it become emotionally charged. 

I usually numb myself like hell in order to keep total control. I frenetically watch tons of movies and eat a lot in order to keep me distracted whenever I feel agitated. Or I just avoid things that could trigger my emotions at all cost. And I withdrawn a lot. 

So, from the exterior, it may seems like I'm just isolated and irritated. And because I never actually express my distress or never try to emotionally manipulate people, I don't know if BPD fits. I'm not impulsive either, I have a lot of anxiety, so I think 9492943times before I can make a single move lol. Most of the time, I just stay quiet out of fear that my partner (or anyone, really) will leave or hate me after they discover how ""unloveable"" I am if I show any of my Bad Emotions. I know that sounds pathetic. 

So I just want to know, does any of you relate to this, or do you have any idea of what it could be? I mean, I know I could seek professional help to confirm what I have, but they all refuse to diagnose me, so I'm like okay, guess I'll perish from whatever I have. 

I don't know it's that relevant, but I'm a guy.",4.7046837606837615,5.760709092307696,6.351538461538464,75.25235042735045,69.61538461538461,9.675213675213676,31.11111111111111,9.906371001090498,3.1053162393162395,1566,65,296,38,27,539,205,390,0.225,0.688,0.086,-0.9964,0,1,0,0,0,3,68.0,0,4,2,2,12,20,4,5,12,3,35,6,1,6,5,77,68,28,2,7,20,0,2,4,2,2,3,4,0,3,18,12,1,6,17,1,1,3,11,14,0,1,10,7,50,6,36,49,14,31,1,1,1,2,15,12,3,17,16,203,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.15409666681874734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569658038478747,0.0,0.0,0.1610755757029257,0.0,0.06040007887677608,0.0,0.0,0.0552069158567316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381192466744445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592382142557128,0.04813001203615055,0.08719919006651759,0.06718457822274322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977623901761379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110815813947443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855433564331018,0.18911655187795395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013729149499099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909373225081987,0.08079800301212603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807903015946978,0.0,0.4440666810509988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769182781652135,0.07984367051052685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299228684490164,0.0,0.0,0.04487173799396554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697743073930657,0.07817750085766216,0.06981932206574851,0.0,0.0,0.07795135501451561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292162685613808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913017135819393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035701283316418,0.0,0.0,0.2603484119187512,0.12871712923620982,0.0,0.08360155722237389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429298401558586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137321906413366,0.0,0.0,0.05270283126606499,0.0,0.0,0.17200948546931896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391628075279944,0.0,0.0,0.12178936222900072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408410837485726,0.05350170333834362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473720187750696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512644935970558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505803602685079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894402089990972,0.0,0.07510393733231309,0.06278789393789301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718773334353133,0.08236690259390664,0.0,0.0,0.06531208911256388,0.08874831664891833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415513456099613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272710940952732,0.0,0.0,0.08206409588160808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916724154641111,0.10490790099290992,0.10118188279592573,0.0,0.0,0.0460390820027774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360501374562091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695737468849796,0.0,0.046569488758040685,0.0,0.06333264489859773,0.0,0.0,0.07319173670047129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610944964195507,0.08562293255852389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cherophobic_Disaster,2019/10/01,"My BPD does not control me I will not act impulsively out of assumption & anger. I will not act like a psycho. I will not lash out. I will take time to breathe & think rationally & logically. Nobody will be harmed including myself. I will not use my body as a weapon for revenge. I do have morals. I will take responsibility for my own actions. I will not let these feelings consume me. 

Fml. I can do this. Talking myself down.",1.0221428571428568,3.6318421666666687,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,91.61904761904762,5.6571428571428575,22.47619047619048,7.1686216300943375,1.0376619047619051,338,13,68,6,12,112,52,84,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,14,2,2,2,0,13,19,1,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,0,1,16,1,8,9,1,7,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7034229320542613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403767431006221,0.27255403785598115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427161777517491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893771375132964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942067592287974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212883814019872,0.0,0.10572436420566107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254186782208957,0.17393783282864114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866333969729136,0.0,0.0,0.1261872716873309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869041062793832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,danidonone,2019/10/01,"Anyone ever experienced being jealous and almost obsessed with the thought of your partner’s exs, yet you still ask tons of questions and details about what they were like? It’s like fake maturity acting like you can take it tough. Your obsessions seem to be focused around their sexual acts, what they did for fun and how you can find where you’re “better”? Your partner points it out (which cause a PBD blowup) just to come full circle that, yes he [your partner] is right.",9.801590909090908,8.11095234090909,8.14227272727273,75.8709090909091,59.68181818181819,10.618181818181819,35.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.8876045454545456,378,12,69,4,4,113,68,88,0.107,0.7040000000000001,0.18899999999999997,0.8574,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,7,3,1,8,10,1,2,2,1,7,0,0,2,1,16,12,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,1,10,5,9,7,2,12,0,0,0,0,17,6,0,3,6,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578684666169161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006354241023473,0.0,0.0,0.22924685094138114,0.24074586347530644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22775496994632474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645433465412917,0.0,0.22183014883136185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329410280230776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353680535712357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774328927782036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343905752008094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884806485524599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199201486980972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443597738644534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565531441953727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936225296912141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204441627397393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,johnjimmyjoe,2019/10/01,"Does anyone else hate when people “roast” them? Especially when it’s someone that you thought was a friend and has been really nice and supportive otherwise. Not to mention in my case he roasted me in front of all of my friends and embarrassed me. It took so much self control not to burst out in anger or split after that. Luckily a few of my friends called him out for it, so it’s not just in my head that he roasted me in a cruel manner. I really don’t find being roasted pleasant or funny in some cases, I can take a joke 99% of the time but being embarrassed in front of all my friends in a hurtful way really upsets me. Makes me feel inferior and shamed. Does anyone else feel this?",4.701231884057972,5.320311007246378,5.695797101449276,81.53688405797102,69.3623188405797,9.031884057971016,29.10144927536232,9.150863307647796,2.2938057971014496,541,19,109,10,9,179,83,138,0.182,0.68,0.13699999999999998,-0.9046,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,5,17,3,4,6,0,7,1,1,2,2,22,15,11,0,0,7,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,4,1,0,3,4,9,0,0,4,2,15,8,19,9,5,18,0,2,0,0,12,10,0,3,4,75,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961720802647916,0.32181965117914285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035917262440055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613785927739098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274859994143359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623797139720908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881202313142725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353509347876595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853262812876617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504813739818216,0.1611721396763517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681185251163199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048278868519016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544518657802788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887432548049172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30181863985946644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638308253662123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306261438521566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782113256917649,0.0,0.0,0.11807731540938385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246751530387896,0.09157344231827093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448132515497036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465397646824067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,naninan2,2019/10/01,"I want to implode of anger but I'm trying to be decent There's this friend of mine who used to compete with me a lot with when I was a teen. She felt inferior because I was thinner and got better grades and for some reason she never grew out of that. But never, NEVER have I made her feel bad about herself. I always tried to uplift her and make her feel better. I always told her she's pretty and capable even if she was going through a hard time in her life.

Now I am the one who isn't doing great.
I had to sacrifice my grades to take care of my mental health and lamotrigine makes me as hungry as a horse. I'm doing MY GODDAMN BEST to accept myself the way I am and to feel okay with myself because I'm graduating college a bit late

AND THIS BITCH

THIS

BITCH

COMES TO ME

BRAGGING ABOUT HAVING LOST WEIGHT
AND ABOUT HOW SHE HAS JUST FINISHED GIVING ALL OF HER EXAMS

T H I S B I T C H

We used to be very close but now she never talks to me. Never. And the only time she does is to make me feel like CRAP.

I WANT TO LEASH OUT AND TELL HER TO EAT THAT GODDAMN DEGREE OF HERS but she knows I'm borderline and she'll be like ""you see?? She's craaazyyyy!!! Poor thing!!!!""

Now I'm about to cry and I'm going to eat my feelings if you excuse me",0.09748069994853026,2.10361966417911,2.2798095728255308,95.17738805970151,85.56716417910448,4.592074112197632,16.704065877509006,5.727593064623523,-0.6252518270715393,962,20,221,6,29,324,136,268,0.184,0.648,0.168,-0.8703,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,2,0,5,12,17,4,0,8,1,17,6,1,8,6,53,48,22,0,4,7,0,8,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,20,3,0,9,0,1,4,6,7,0,1,9,9,47,10,36,35,5,22,1,2,1,0,30,4,3,4,15,151,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042193880114586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554029917167972,0.13950513333824144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008223407293675,0.2023996592502967,0.12492273053996987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666416227304822,0.0,0.0,0.09856721577907056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569075750863165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001343020987358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417118175535964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557679447387677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892842072327822,0.08174541715743494,0.10986617848838694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840465964931866,0.0,0.0,0.1097671205599447,0.13006100616108346,0.0,0.0915163205500402,0.12615423543664295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250254319123554,0.0,0.0,0.12162868357748305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288512160881518,0.0,0.12907665921416506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082193377450045,0.11180478872559932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249086706786194,0.09728025054025356,0.0,0.10827193253374638,0.2291392166353365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531373282000755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412590112219048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753750666457987,0.0870255542403076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641160973813472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764820830154192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118210476006744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603354307025207,0.09197067675415507,0.1000127067290373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601904766436796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344455988798834,0.0,0.0,0.1093382242021428,0.0,0.15537445917454246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976533438769497,0.0,0.09441280985856784,0.13498194710203956,0.09082543260893176,0.0,0.1393391208187035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sara_rey,2019/10/01,"Genetics??? Is there an element to bpd that’s genetic? I’m new to my BPD diagnosis and I have a lot of questions - and I know I should just wait and talk to my shrink but it’s just overwhelming. Now that I know better what BPD looks like, I’m starting to wonder if my mom might have it? And I’m wondering if I inherited it from her? Any advice? 😭😞",-1.4745999999999988,0.4758987733333342,1.951500000000004,92.20325,101.26666666666668,6.2333333333333325,18.25,7.492282038375204,0.7856000000000001,268,9,63,7,12,96,48,75,0.0,0.883,0.11699999999999999,0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,18,15,7,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,6,13,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,7,4,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874769792663706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439214466888525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177822901082106,0.0,0.0,0.6911455214429466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105653621527667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936566781759518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360706639548152,0.0,0.0,0.15551238286097185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404963782418894,0.0,0.21423416180195384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666566225592606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491271140080408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947200066972026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470244886906062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967387420711476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,writinglover,2019/10/01,"When is a good time to tell a romantic interest about your BPD? I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks and things are going pretty well. He asked me to be his girlfriend the other day and I felt like I needed more time. Considering how awful and toxic my last relationship was and how poorly he handled my BPD episodes, I feel nervous about involving someone else in my disorder. I have been going to DBT and I’m finally on medications that work for me. I’m in a great space mentally, but when I love, I love hard - I imagine others with BPD can relate. I really like this guy and I would love to date him, but I just don’t know if I want to bring him into something that he has no knowledge of. Should I tell him about my diagnosis or should I wait until it’s necessary? How would you handle a situation like this?",2.356187624750497,4.286468730538925,4.226251497005992,84.59215169660682,77.2634730538922,7.567105788423152,23.70818363273453,8.447377352677275,1.519487345309381,646,21,133,13,15,219,105,167,0.055999999999999994,0.718,0.226,0.9846,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,10,11,0,1,6,1,14,4,0,3,0,28,29,16,0,7,5,0,3,3,1,4,1,0,0,2,9,8,0,1,5,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,4,3,25,10,18,20,2,18,0,0,0,3,21,5,0,2,13,92,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499369946384975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5051804929863924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622698980902542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323453868883538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169120242234012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760395289004842,0.0,0.12837527540454124,0.14646444851989704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197231500216138,0.1121432332065087,0.0,0.14740737268239676,0.0,0.264772801713634,0.0,0.0,0.11977109236789972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347934474878487,0.10898530447544656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959607234228935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620149197431986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346911060625861,0.1347405763299477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913863860482576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360234119911495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565318380003725,0.0,0.0,0.1435463454227216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028710427368314,0.0,0.0,0.11328561322942644,0.1029306428902151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746492796875333,0.2337235889505505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888259363725455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592589423385725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886114212890907,0.0,0.10724800387433277,0.0,0.12021451842242692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097336942672586,0.0,0.0,0.18995670372136209,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Halmacrow,2019/10/01,"How do I stop my ex from being my FP I really really REALLY wish it was anyone else but her. We've broken up for more than a year but she's still my fp. I can't stop my life from revolving around her, she literally controls my emotions and I want it to stop.

I know I should remove her from my life but she has issues of her own and I don't want to leave her alone. At the same time I know she feels nothing for me anymore (we're not close anymore) yet I still care way too damn much.

How do I make someone else my FP or remove her as my FP ? Any help would be appreciated.",-0.061465201465200174,1.7726841111111111,2.5185714285714305,94.26873626373629,84.87301587301587,5.7816849816849825,16.835164835164836,7.010146845296331,-0.2094461538461534,442,9,108,6,13,153,75,126,0.13,0.727,0.14300000000000002,0.16699999999999998,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,4,0,25,18,9,0,5,5,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,29,1,13,13,4,15,0,0,0,0,12,4,1,1,8,73,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368220392279026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747289932432888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31346724316268365,0.11050553041300304,0.1619310780355199,0.0,0.1406894728366071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611327324670327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725576005785654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640449691774797,0.17777419139163506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990998068778167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059311565462768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649531295219406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370975420257104,0.0,0.0,0.16734197664992315,0.0,0.0,0.2232572330459944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549320194660676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161778868884894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164403730323822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303734203580078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339071278877771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242255370504296,0.39638658203522376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215463493102034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864326588945712,0.12544512255207338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173867380733688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226737399939216,0.0,0.0,0.1017728435116796
bpd,CrazyGinger23,2019/10/01,Bpd and relationship ending.. Hey so I'm new here not really sure where I'm going with this but here we are. I have always had symptoms of bpd from a young age but it's only recently I'm starting to properly realise ...yesterday I had a breakdown the worst I've ever had which I know has been triggered by my relationship ending as this tends to happen with friendships and so on or people I get attached to but never this bad. I didn't want to end things with us but I feel im to emotionally unstable and was jumping from I love her to not feeling much atall to all sorts of thoughts constantly. I do love her and I didn't want to treat her bad hence why we're not together anymore. We tried to be friends but I was constantly getting jealous of anyone close to her even friends because I felt pushed out and abandoned so now I believe she's given up and we haven't really spoken. Its driving me insane that I've lost her and I hate the fact I can't control these emotions and that I've wrecked something that could have been amazing because of this so if anyone's been in a similar situation before some help or just to know I'm not alone would help sorry if this doesn't make sense...,3.0391975308641968,4.726903814814818,4.2991172839506175,85.88052777777781,74.63786008230454,7.164526748971195,27.37633744855967,7.908726449838941,1.6624470781893002,949,37,192,14,20,312,138,243,0.19699999999999998,0.667,0.136,-0.9428,0,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,4,0,0,2,12,14,2,0,5,0,21,3,0,3,5,51,45,22,0,6,14,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,13,16,0,2,6,0,0,4,10,7,0,0,14,3,26,7,26,28,4,24,0,2,0,2,19,6,0,6,14,128,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923139036157362,0.0,0.0,0.09579049914226202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416981913539698,0.16099157657970656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224366695296294,0.14035427261701164,0.0,0.09796011063171167,0.12970276402021458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28998357046765105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488113784676454,0.12911880592263386,0.09191533153551826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589928960148598,0.30589104076966106,0.0,0.0,0.07603681499939904,0.10413419298975564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641800846798238,0.0,0.11053491149720514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788552154493806,0.0,0.12029270185352404,0.0,0.06542633048246241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180176306407968,0.0,0.0,0.11365887176960522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432733400363896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243512202370995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265357810230216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566896426778093,0.0,0.20780370668928536,0.0,0.076844646762707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462771548163119,0.0,0.08878897295570001,0.11118528138556688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755526103025793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981091038204599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749985245922276,0.0,0.1136688171057404,0.2471953035667876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294016446524808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862632984714032,0.0,0.12886934831470742,0.08148375095756485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085008653659699,0.119655553761181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648176009481315,0.0,0.0,0.09139379208213456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816009590066665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847726311635325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580355466920574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387945265313442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817791719159919,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hurricaneborderline,2019/10/01,"Handled breakup extremely poorly, need to vent I'm too burnt out too talk about it too much, but I handled a recent breakup extremely poorly. Getting angry, self-harm, sending him pictures of my self-harm, blaming him for the self-harm, begging him to help me, blaming him for if I die, attempting suicide, talking to him during my second attempt, etc. 

It's taken a significant toll on him and he opened up about how hard it's been on him recently. He said it was just too hard for him anymore and that I have to leave him alone now. The moment he did that, this huge wave of guilt hit me. I've been feeling ashamed of my behaviour for the last few months but seeing it for myself hurt even more. I apologized for everything and told him none of it was his fault, anything that I do is on me, and only I'm responsible for myself. And that he shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for anything I've done to myself. I've left him alone since, but it's been so hard. 

I deeply regret everything I did and seeing him blame himself for it hurts to watch. I'm getting professional help and I'm on a dosage of meds that's helping me now, but I feel like it's too late to undo the damage I've done to him.  I wanted to post here instead of a vent sub because I had a feeling you guys would understand.",4.540615177368657,5.080664916030536,5.3282218230803755,84.3119061517737,69.68702290076335,8.149438706780423,29.533902110462503,8.124751697461798,1.872610417602156,1016,37,210,13,17,331,129,262,0.223,0.662,0.115,-0.9888,0,2,0,0,1,1,30.0,0,1,0,2,15,8,0,2,9,0,15,0,0,1,0,28,34,15,2,7,7,0,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,15,9,0,0,5,0,2,1,2,7,0,1,13,11,36,1,32,18,5,19,0,4,3,0,30,9,0,2,9,139,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400789479807506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494359826744255,0.0,0.0,0.19075487142401312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065275765952013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028793354813835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372158860837673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292613201502557,0.07655214997285616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833041238435973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344140491379777,0.08280038174935643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110797845759093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147611602169277,0.0,0.0,0.3114761659421881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23305991744231405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24815088574879224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447556476533164,0.13074245663559364,0.12272343829779987,0.12592781618106888,0.0,0.0,0.05662384210515816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874094679448525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251183687832702,0.0,0.08520127477013907,0.08593983305673239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814866158391624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100203722996828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288784014528901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024930306749416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471770884239008,0.0,0.3627330575210486,0.0,0.0,0.09587529711899956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677793009042435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631520664514906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074928746523294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065802548259487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836197757603453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233342537057184,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,destitute_human713,2019/10/01,"I have a girlfriend for the first time in three years, and I'm getting too attached too quickly. What do I do? She's an amazing girl, but I think about her way too much for it to be healthy. I'm not happy when we aren't talking, and I can't focus on school work or anything because I'm waiting for her to text back. If she doesn't text back, then my brain assumes it's because she realized that I'm a loser and she decided that I'm repulsive. Which is unrealistic, but I feel like I can't change my thought patterns. I try not to over-text because I know that's clingy and off-putting. 


Maybe I've just gotten codependent from being alone for three years, but I am hoping that some of you have experienced similar situations and can give me some advice. 

On an unrelated note, I love you all. People on this board have helped me a lot, so thank you",4.503288311688312,4.7836553600000045,5.381402597402598,84.8164155844156,69.68571428571428,8.420779220779222,30.19480519480519,8.296473431620573,1.9235714285714285,668,25,145,9,11,219,108,175,0.064,0.802,0.134,0.9179999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,0,3,10,7,0,0,6,0,14,2,1,0,1,27,30,13,0,2,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,2,24,6,14,26,5,14,0,1,0,1,16,4,0,7,10,97,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796345016132797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903902703995035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127470299208545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827046244673481,0.0,0.33617935470989746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052127379655562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446554920347264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929489123811066,0.13132669234876904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636392242525488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096042493354839,0.17634447744053122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568822356499188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232159700641082,0.0,0.0,0.18258258832797564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102700929314018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980902907258853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628391142351755,0.16591186174468586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846798391247832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513466197935695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127443123512929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479781853580773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860436543689266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066302677576285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477539070837376,0.0,0.1692440372349103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778949913523762,0.0,0.14593882311181622,0.1071915299439683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480708098640884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459140348223445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382890451145207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367582880867741
bpd,Hydreigon12,2019/10/01,"""You don't have BDP because you didn't shit over me and tell me to back off"" Said a therapist once. 
But like wow, I didn't know being BDP means I had to be a dick lol. I still have some basic respect =/ 

More seriously, I've been wondering if you can have BDP without actually being.....impulsive and openly emotional. 

 I've always have most of the symptoms since I was probably 13yo (I'm 22 now) and it tends to be overly focused on emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, self-harming and feeling worthless/unloveable. Literally, last week, I went full on suicide mode, I was considering breaking up with my partner and cutting myself. Luckily, I've done none of these things, but I can say those crisis moments happen frequently. I do think my last suicide attempt was caused by one of those crisis, but I don't remember the details as I tend to forget the situation itself when it become emotionally charged. 
I usually numb myself like hell in order to keep total control. I frenetically watch tons of movies and eat a lot in order to keep me distracted whenever I feel agitated. Or I just avoid things that could trigger my emotions at all cost. 

So, from the outside, it may seems like I'm just isolated and irritated. And because I never actually express my distress or tend to emotionally manipulate people, I don't know if BDP fits. I'm not impulsive either, I have a lot of anxiety, so I think 9492943times before I can make a single move lol. Most of the time, I just stay quiet out of fear that my partner (or anyone, really) will leave or hate me after they discover how ""unloveable"" I am if I show any of my Bad Emotions. I know that sounds pathetic. 

So I just want to know, does any of you relate to this, or do you have any idea of what it could be? I mean, I know I could seek professional help to confirm what I have, but they all refuse to diagnose me, so I'm like okay, guess I'll perish from whatever I have.",4.904553681612505,6.039046909090914,6.300213903743316,75.51375976964212,69.21390374331551,9.497161661867544,31.496914849856022,9.757249324022393,3.0860435211846973,1520,64,283,35,26,516,200,374,0.22399999999999998,0.68,0.096,-0.9959,0,1,0,0,0,3,57.0,0,5,2,2,13,21,4,5,10,3,34,6,2,6,4,72,63,27,2,7,19,0,2,4,2,2,3,4,0,2,16,11,1,6,15,1,1,2,9,14,0,1,10,7,49,7,39,44,14,32,1,1,1,1,15,13,3,17,17,198,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.1644214248760134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009837123247982,0.0,0.0,0.1718679333989146,0.0,0.06444699445202348,0.0,0.0,0.05890588002692384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477900387709568,0.07034083783793812,0.10270962145588447,0.09304169502663666,0.07168606764266168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865425528382614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448763783156927,0.20178770618047331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550663635579574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372313847673341,0.08621161675103761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620339932457892,0.0,0.5685839514562521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959750474538636,0.08519334222922079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280507741957013,0.0,0.07449734413418878,0.0,0.0,0.08317423813960997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056467472490354366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510205559082584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976118898479718,0.0,0.0,0.23149352576111046,0.13734141193242727,0.0,0.08920301421266018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646308956835151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432437282991954,0.0,0.0,0.05623401719622578,0.0,0.0,0.18353443508496808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895388247943092,0.0,0.0,0.06497473594281862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971789717349801,0.057086415156086937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058404694353393724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083007690764512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396933676620176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543286631979818,0.0,0.08013603827331711,0.06699479748238392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766932460234418,0.0878856354696071,0.0,0.08647601355825384,0.06968811834293644,0.09469461591876234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979368224380195,0.06727795708082207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843001411395512,0.0,0.0,0.08756254015465967,0.0,0.0,0.07363361478614462,0.0,0.0,0.09781463469397553,0.1119369219211915,0.10796125370130266,0.0,0.0,0.04912378456429625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092783677576735,0.0,0.04968972954068456,0.0,0.06757604775217074,0.0,0.0,0.07809571670746482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120892174376991,0.09135982538736223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,savkathleen,2019/10/01,"Do you like weed? How do you guys feel when you smoke weed? I used to love smoking but I get super bad anxiety now. I feel like my BPD might be part of the reason why I tear myself apart so bad in front of my friends now. I self deprecate a lot sober but when I’m smoking weed it gets scary
(especially on meds)",0.2273560767590617,2.1701404776119406,2.0562899786780378,97.36776119402988,84.5223880597015,5.619616204690832,18.526652452025584,6.868970318607317,-0.1262989339019187,240,6,59,3,7,79,48,67,0.188,0.605,0.207,0.1556,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,3,0,9,11,6,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,5,5,9,2,8,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,2,6,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600409320074414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842002403343476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28976704208920273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326621601719067,0.16436314932237325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775269586978878,0.0,0.24040576053878515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278069897098065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248026595652485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559859013101027,0.20764854134811647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555576075233513,0.0,0.0,0.24406953887252225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24914505019963645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655185453802846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240014785913941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870793497295586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760377341792904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stollarbela,2019/10/01,"vraylar, medications.. so I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I have had the diagnoses for almost a year now. I'm classically BPD. I have been seeing an incredible therapist that has really helped me get a hold of my moods and anxiety. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and they put me on klonopin but also prescribed me vraylar... I have absolutely 0 interest in taking vraylar.... anyone tried it? How did it go? I'm really hesitant to take medications.",3.908928571428572,7.0662320357142905,6.790761904761907,61.33757142857144,79.83333333333334,11.455238095238096,32.20952380952381,10.577609850970193,5.314718095238097,377,20,57,17,10,136,61,84,0.081,0.863,0.055999999999999994,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,8,4,0,1,0,8,17,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,8,1,6,13,0,6,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,2,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915464550355286,0.0,0.0,0.15904830008581847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214651644408198,0.0,0.0,0.1390650490433863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504887541671757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037282720475027,0.0,0.0,0.2279394942467552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390922828524213,0.0,0.1130309554148354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330845456579246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40071152180365255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365875152831847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993440447144026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25482170746962746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169712651615604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990736073165551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309208684202892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350298916326296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807544944891944
bpd,DadBod799,2019/10/01,"I think i have BPD For the last few years ive been extremely depressed, had massive mood swings, and a complete lack of trust in people. ive been called insane and left many times for my lack of trust in people (how ironic) but just yesterday i found out what bpd is and think it describes me perfectly. i always thought i was just crazy or just deeply depressed but i think now i can finally label what is going on in my head. I have furiously been researching this now and am very sure that i have it. i have done around 5 online tests to see if i display symptoms and ive scored 100% on all of them when they recommend any score above 30% to seek help. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to see a professionals opinion on it but im very uncomfortable and scared/nervous that i have this

​

(first time on the sub and discussing mental health in general so im not sure if saying things like ""crazy"" or ""insane"" are offensive or not so im sorry in advance!)",4.7455528846153845,5.654046135416671,5.28875,83.4504807692308,69.41666666666666,8.616025641025642,28.83173076923077,8.841846274778883,2.1056653846153845,766,27,154,13,13,246,113,192,0.132,0.728,0.14,0.4093,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,3,10,11,2,0,5,0,20,4,1,1,4,36,28,19,0,4,13,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,8,3,21,6,19,20,4,25,0,2,2,0,6,12,0,6,12,103,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690666728400627,0.1392093479672275,0.15611874501924025,0.08737163526824844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437552521651895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236351972628555,0.0,0.13119369047057086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347101144958459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213213726853044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315059726739458,0.0,0.13148089557534492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074489617122554,0.0,0.1092860599215772,0.0,0.14087302590759213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301883805944304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185879834080327,0.13656952858765262,0.0,0.0,0.08611825335961569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163452945945426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472934229156863,0.0,0.0,0.13959522123646972,0.0,0.0,0.06276943415395128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025979094562856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947885044631385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814540102093784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217342283824746,0.0,0.0,0.20476579531142292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382420664628148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421840582849393,0.1335411819457404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535721342894652,0.2469767333979405,0.0,0.10199973702441742,0.14983686496022566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120209239427684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611874501924025,0.08273769312467111
bpd,purpleopium,2019/10/01,"Sick of being sick I had an okay day. I'm, of course, tired, but pushed through regardless. I came home after work, ate dinner, played video games, and chatted with Boi. I decided it would be worthwhile to do some art therapy before starting my bedtime schedule, and began to paint the wooden leaf I bought to hang on our door that I would paint to say ""Harvest Greetings"". 

Boi sat across from me doing his own artwork, shading a very cartoon-y Godzilla. It was going great. I love acrylics and my stamping method of painting was allowing me to release pent up anxiety and anger. It was beautiful and blended and so colorful.

Then I got to the lettering. It was a little wobbly because of my cheap brushes, but I thought it was fine because I could clean up the lines later. But as I got to the end of ""greetings"", the brush tip collapsed on me and it became an indiscernible mess that looked like a kid drew it with their fingers. I snapped. I smeared black paint all over it. I threw my paintbrush.

Boi stopped and looked up, already concerned. He asked me what was wrong, but the damage was done and I no longer wanted to speak, my selectively mute trait kicking into high gear. 

Why do I do this? It was going so well, and I could've STILL fixed it after the lettering messed up. Why can I not gain control of myself and my emotions? I go to therapy twice a week - once for cognitive and once for trauma. I have so many coping mechanisms that I'm a walking self-help book. 

I don't only do this with art. I do this with my own body, regardless if it'll be painful. If my hair is not cooperating, I'll just rip out my hair ties or bobby pins in anger, like a toddler. I've been known to throw books, shoes, and one time I even wrecked my whole art tower out of nowhere.

I'm so sick of being sick. I'm tired of not just my BPD, but of my PTSD and depression and everything. Tired of not being able to focus on myself or my art or my music. Tired of fighting myself and everyone else who triggers me every day. I'm so stupid tired.",3.3562546526054615,4.931531786600495,4.108162996277915,88.03993680210918,73.56575682382135,6.923356079404467,27.233948511166247,7.531066641456977,1.420923138957816,1582,59,323,19,32,505,216,403,0.19899999999999998,0.713,0.08800000000000001,-0.9945,1,0,1,0,2,0,57.0,1,0,1,3,11,19,4,0,15,1,30,18,5,3,1,55,53,33,0,8,16,0,3,2,0,3,10,2,3,1,19,24,2,2,3,10,2,9,6,11,1,2,20,11,47,8,47,24,5,38,0,2,4,1,15,15,0,6,16,206,66,3,0.09982447503371933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015879049253016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636545016919176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332240884293247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170414688655246,0.0,0.0849432758336973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088248794545554,0.12572543178355775,0.0,0.0,0.11417260589498993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196163699771712,0.15940344104592685,0.0,0.0,0.1287570562479518,0.0,0.08597867407230629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215509627695467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339053969381027,0.11228909840592076,0.08841485540592653,0.0,0.0,0.06593312429272527,0.0,0.0841064256102132,0.09538656377861526,0.08971580144099915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019764885277774,0.0,0.15967750364761324,0.1100568361360304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691024140547756,0.10547003861711812,0.1001320876490126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753839234495247,0.10005034881434277,0.0,0.0,0.1676548351836937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009548612564824,0.0,0.0,0.1012063496132888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261961598497225,0.06764364776056793,0.07592101152626693,0.10622027958467764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668946935112495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938442920786126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413869836921948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065627722261981,0.0,0.07971995471045944,0.08345773097229266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283159739806449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924948267470823,0.058208454159324935,0.5736677463887901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236564636757711,0.05887906173785305,0.0,0.08007317255253775,0.0,0.08975419149281677,0.0,0.18015212402817013,0.11145046143762412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267340672830723,0.0,0.0,0.14182488591969186,0.1091423927407486,0.0,0.0
bpd,awareaeon,2019/10/01,"I start a full time job next week and I dont know how I'll handle it with BPD. I was asked a few weeks ago to start full time at my current job. I work in retail and have only been working in this job (as a casual) for five months. I've been pretty stable, at my old jobs (fast food) I would get so paranoid and actually think/hear customers talk about me (even though they werent). I can kind of switch off at work, besides the ocassional split here and there. 

I'm worried now that I'm working fulltime, I wont be able to cope. I have this tendancy to say things I dont even think about. I just do it on impulse and its gotten me in trouble in the past. I'm also so scared I wont be able to commit and change my mind onto something else. 

I'm also scared that my FP wont love me because I'll be working so much. And working 5 days a week will mean I'll see him less. 

Personally I dont know why I said yes. I mean I want to move out,  but the more I think of it the more I'm afarid my anger will break through or I'll just get paranoid again. 

I havent told my employer about my mental illness because I didnt feel the need to. 

Does anyone have tips when it comes to work and BPD? Even fulltime work?",2.1103682209325605,2.8088667528517126,3.582565539323596,94.03165099059437,75.38783269961976,6.449389633780267,22.967580548329,6.339386263674448,0.2420235741444867,928,24,227,6,19,307,138,263,0.10300000000000001,0.862,0.035,-0.9536,7,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,8,20,7,1,2,9,1,22,3,0,1,1,28,47,19,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,2,0,1,10,11,1,0,7,1,1,2,8,4,0,1,7,4,30,3,27,31,7,34,0,0,1,1,9,13,0,1,18,133,40,13,0.17224209290962614,0.0,0.0840417182295936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634111143559162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774193947047386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060217838095273535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051155294853743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499718114440117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693288639936845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110464790594712,0.074185655842224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554095034694264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536510811209758,0.0,0.3027996751468661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719430835016833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064641686941198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354538873546775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413791122108344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998938451506065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706467844158062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418473996437405,0.0,0.0,0.08968181721900287,0.09465974974325192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772760681561308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876221336783797,0.0,0.0,0.08678975894014966,0.0,0.08695770656870302,0.0,0.06874099763752213,0.09153304308908304,0.06330887835889568,0.06385766471042661,0.0,0.0,0.09159070992666396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036955113498574,0.0,0.0,0.06549893659186742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221228364064624,0.0,0.07519757592072666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761606531962435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192083669972558,0.06848691278656571,0.17244438287858813,0.0,0.06862732389501366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630018905456367,0.0,0.0,0.12191383988662036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922083493311912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721499651692405,0.16554866745840122,0.08461349088141783,0.0,0.10043574950982248,0.0,0.0,0.08229235052393989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079642451842225,0.0,0.2072433261738266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771084915358972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015771801265345,0.08746010308993943,0.0,0.061177920467964365,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,damxrx,2019/10/01,"My Life I'm almost 17, will be in Nov. First I found out I'm pregnant in June. I talk to my doctor about my mental health just to see if im doing alright mentally. All my life, I thought I had mild depression from being diagnosed. Today I just found out I don't have mild depression by this doctor. He says he thinks I have situational depression and BPD. Basically from coming out as transgender (Female to Male) 1-2 years ago and being bullied or bitched by my family members before and after I came out. That the doctor thinks from my past life and how I act, shows signs of it. I looked up the symptoms, and it seems most of it, is what I feel. As I'm not always depressed 24/7 but I do have alot of mood swings and feeling empty or fearing to be alone. I do self harm which is a symptom. I just never thought I would have it. Once I thought maybe bipolar but I never accepted the fact maybe I had something like that or close to it.",2.173933823529413,3.996420854166665,3.7490808823529416,88.2995955882353,77.4375,6.600980392156862,23.794117647058826,7.510576382923642,1.0196264705882352,732,24,154,10,17,243,110,192,0.151,0.805,0.044000000000000004,-0.9651,0,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,1,5,1,18,11,0,1,4,44,35,15,0,2,10,0,2,1,0,2,11,1,0,2,10,13,0,0,11,1,0,3,4,7,0,1,8,5,24,3,24,21,3,20,0,4,2,0,6,8,1,8,10,103,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014669222946186,0.0,0.11312946638408833,0.11700939698887222,0.0,0.0,0.0940053496642898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613452832530164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228972175114105,0.0,0.0,0.12921481432943768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731909719103517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892253599523669,0.11466858798452992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469081561952197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650402108459048,0.1271297707471453,0.11424844521375466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609760118204852,0.0,0.2477454099944791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008854652875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220338138358468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393955505184764,0.05519452393176014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487165607667053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269997995869139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22770711910793906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426860750851392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031609503405455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784868221610032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984330523362702,0.0,0.0,0.09002750098083198,0.10284939981576233,0.1178589423338939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699011866119167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697469165882425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348513113787795,0.0,0.09080608759229472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478132980761166,0.0,0.26907173859905137,0.0,0.0,0.10708834261593217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025513720104567,0.0,0.0,0.0727530468416819
bpd,punk023,2019/10/01,"Does DBT therapy really work? Hi!

I was recently diagnosed with BPD traits and my psychiatrist thinks DBT therapy would help. Now it took me forever to actually get help and I'm a huge procrastinator. So I haven't actually started. I was doing pretty good on my own but I met a guy. We are now dating and it's amazing.

The problem is sometimes those feelings of abandonment come creeping up and I just go crazy trying to rationalize that what I'm thinking really isn't happening. For example I sent a sexy pic to him today and he tells me he likes it but he is trying not to think about sexy stuff tonight because he is tired. I get it he doesn't want to get horny because he is super tired and can't come over tonight. But my brain is telling me that he doesn't like the picture and I should stop trying.

It doesn't help that I'm really trying not to get do attached or needy that I suffocate him. So it's a fine balance of showing affection but not too much affection. He is also my fp.

I'm wondering if DBT therapy would help with those thoughts? I haven't told him about my mental health yet but I thought if I could start therapy it would be easier for me to open up to him about my bipolar and BPD traits. I'm also hoping it will help me think like a normal person and not have to worry if the slightest thing sends me off into a paranoid person trying to rationalize every text he sends.

Thanks!",2.9783920187793416,4.78348876408451,4.605985915492957,83.11642018779345,75.09154929577466,8.11361502347418,26.269953051643192,8.841846274778883,2.032019248826291,1115,41,224,24,24,375,137,284,0.10400000000000001,0.679,0.217,0.9903,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,2,12,11,0,0,9,0,26,6,1,2,0,51,56,22,0,12,14,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,0,3,17,16,0,2,8,1,0,7,11,2,0,0,8,1,29,9,25,41,2,26,0,1,0,0,30,8,0,6,14,139,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.1756365723755087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439316248559868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971542106572058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22668116148352416,0.10045977677616226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503864730563308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185053303886665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133902431642248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875177676256366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582134328388163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550218023483661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880664434207316,0.0,0.05114398916273754,0.07548022550957993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891052906658503,0.07957879080949658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565628097725933,0.0,0.0,0.3015955288793092,0.0,0.0,0.08938142070752449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318952483538878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068981512194306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615377832660138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817212485479578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715343241296065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155325308632684,0.0,0.08610928399243856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295171836899775,0.0,0.08885530805912294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900345230512201,0.0,0.1273922607360649,0.0,0.0,0.07523654969086732,0.0,0.0,0.10301822530916536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573122933633415,0.08285167075822218,0.4116504467948315,0.0,0.05978605678465675,0.2306505318726959,0.0,0.1428856876832826,0.0,0.2068629539979089,0.08530099569658628,0.08599030745220518,0.0999833708842601,0.3054900884876719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053079054541541576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975914580229512,0.06551455824187376,0.09139028240926936,0.0,0.1917811858635538,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hhhubba,2019/10/01,"Was diagnosed today Started outpatient treatment this past month & today I was diagnosed with BPD. I’ve kind of had a feeling this was going to be it, if that makes sense. How did you guys feel when you found out? What now?",3.12409090909091,5.2961132272727305,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727276,75.81818181818181,7.127272727272729,24.63636363636364,8.07648339933343,1.4510181818181818,178,6,35,3,4,56,37,44,0.0,0.956,0.044000000000000004,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,0,8,12,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,1,4,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583977157789693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30036271608026377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4841132319642885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411697267380128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614858027922299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553616361910126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361370212359834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483447728927825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919016915787607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903559492447084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22766031669357284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880046489911216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521105959418647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,qeridap,2019/10/01,"I feel horrible I’m so so so so fucking sad right now, really wish i wasn’t alive and I’ve been talking to my boyfriend and telling him how like he shouldn’t like me because I’m a bad person and steal sometimes and all this shit and how I want to hurt myself and I want to die and basically everything I feel. And I feel HORRIBLE. I think it makes him sad and I want to stop, I need to  stop but also I just want attention and affection and love because I feel terrible. He opened my last message and never responded lmao. I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I can’t or shouldn’t share my feelings to the person I love the most. I’m just so fucking upset. I feel terrible that he just has to deal with this fucking shit in general. I’m so sad a lot. I want to die a lot. I mean I guess he would just leave me if he didn’t want to deal. Ugh. Is anyone else going through something like this right now? I would love some advice because I really just want to bawl. My eyes out and like die lmao. I feel like he’ll be tired of me soon. I also just want to be upset at him but he has mental illness as well so it’s just difficult asf.",-0.20058126084441952,1.84123948987854,2.0867943898207058,95.81323380566805,87.29959514170041,5.633834586466166,19.347744360902254,7.021680442328713,0.2034651243493344,882,26,210,13,28,298,109,247,0.287,0.522,0.191,-0.9885,0,0,1,0,0,4,19.0,0,0,0,0,23,28,5,2,5,0,15,11,3,4,2,68,50,29,3,15,12,0,8,6,0,5,2,0,0,2,7,16,0,2,12,0,0,1,7,17,1,0,3,9,34,11,19,40,5,14,0,4,1,6,22,6,5,7,13,126,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783786078448858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437673710293131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285202825884467,0.0921012428485306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505302230473737,0.16438532181973772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534189532240408,0.0,0.0,0.2798697647816093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509018689980389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078585799787508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36360202756050974,0.1284325184329263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493010089909264,0.0,0.0,0.05108562397760368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902215781978016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962273438078879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940028946592997,0.07327100707044078,0.0,0.09517878974909913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634894607223363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283973102257814,0.2433832512720543,0.0,0.060001175371797826,0.0,0.0,0.097914770946118,0.0,0.0,0.09058632049948596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666510767220417,0.06932744129656407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697408994618475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516956466790801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153528329118071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184538210629953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692004477050672,0.08890188214885571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030138046721792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722488553380781,0.07856638480274526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759682874946541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033134416754973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241478485798693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082042686116178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336717283897677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770821762103918,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Geospizae,2019/10/01,DAE struggle to breathe when they have a panic attack? My throat seizes up and I can't physically breathe in enough air. Obviously not being able to breathe makes me panic even more and everything is generally shit.,4.579615384615384,7.548549974358977,4.8535256410256435,77.63105769230769,74.8974358974359,8.002564102564103,30.262820512820515,8.841846274778883,2.8849435897435907,175,8,30,4,4,55,34,39,0.335,0.665,0.0,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,3,1,0,4,5,5,1,1,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,20,4,0,0.2805584779674198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31917577142487835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28989190574886003,0.0,0.18530622868745686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521478694820255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727496261553786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6583498483874998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28798924589989394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933006369479198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdandboujee,2019/10/01,"I’m a huge piece of shit I don’t know if this could count as sexual assault (just wanted to tag to be safe), but basically a few nights ago I got really drunk and invited a random guy over and then we got high and then I woke up in his bed with my shorts and underwear off and (TMI) raw/sensitive skin in my vulva. I assumed we had sex and I’ve been too scared to ask until a few minutes ago, and turns out we did! He said he used a condom and I believe him tbh, but still. I’m so tired of doing this. I fucking hate myself. I can’t believe I did that. I’m so upset and disappointed in myself. That’s all I guess... fuck my stupid fucking life

Oh actually also I’m missing lots of class and work and constantly dissociating severely and it’s fucking me up and I want it to all be over already",0.3313398692810452,2.337650852941177,3.1556862745098044,89.25947712418305,84.58823529411767,6.366013071895425,20.62091503267974,7.594959193182576,0.7320522875816997,615,19,139,11,18,217,105,170,0.265,0.718,0.017,-0.9940000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,0,1,6,13,8,2,5,0,10,11,2,1,2,34,31,23,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,6,18,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,12,0,0,8,2,21,1,19,20,6,20,0,2,0,6,10,12,5,5,8,91,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.14220851903252116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583563646067698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608133551194565,0.1165378197483456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623506219305534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283688254198455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747910369469814,0.0,0.11635114209936895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388890092071787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23310236962354064,0.0,0.1605347068180149,0.14429262940136786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387523081510176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539685639136309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008774157973345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293128136686573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389187405161067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367549065319437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335644014125798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861973684482246,0.0,0.14589813738485516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646300170354352,0.14958665915015476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637776095435093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674917355358118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585091165144495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586132873573352,0.0,0.0,0.17190710649626864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060909829500393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arachidissu,2019/10/01,"confession hey... i'm very sorry for everything i've ever put everyone through...

but i need to say this now...

i only just remembered what happened to me.

i only just remembered what HE did to me.

what he made me suffer through.

what he made my family suffer through.

i will NEVER FORGIVE HIM FOR HIS BETRAYAL.

let that be a lesson to whoever thinks this man, onision is innocent.

he is the opposite. he is guilty of being a narcissistic cannibal.

nobody should forget his face for the rest of eternity.

please never give him peace of mind for as long as i am living and walking.",1.8952077922077921,4.647837663636366,4.101558441558442,79.65090909090911,86.0,8.233766233766234,25.129870129870127,8.841846274778883,2.7635324675324684,453,19,80,14,14,155,71,110,0.23600000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.048,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,10,1,1,2,3,19,17,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,1,13,1,16,9,1,8,1,2,0,0,15,0,0,0,6,59,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122788466619546,0.0,0.1808791885896788,0.17012586181408035,0.0,0.17845018718162536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815887156169776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739266944207673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356664589904568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715067953954588,0.16751984412405815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582304257573022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113367531275785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403596142838761,0.2919914695528332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28793428377713537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778872577744245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029344725611344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288679665413371,0.0,0.0,0.15053473542771534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189990796211644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129239413436126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618794400864885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,controll4,2019/10/29,"How to ask for formal diagnosis hey guys! tldr is i'm wondering how to ask for a diagnosis specifically in therapy, or if i even should.

so i've been going to therapy for a little over a month now, and ik that isn't a long time but i defintely like my therapist and i'm starting meds next week and some group therapy stuff this week. i am fairly certain i have bpd (classic black white thinking, instense unstable relationships, overwhelmed by emotions but also mostly emotionally numb, suicide shit, etc etc. ) but am not sure exactly how to go about getting a formal diagnosis. i've been diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and my therapist said ""I think there's something else going on"" implying another disorder beyond depression, but I'm not sure how to specifically ask what she thinks it might be. my therapist is also trained in dbt especially, so i know if this is what exactly i have she'd be helpful in treatment. 

i am not really too familiar with therapy, so i don't know if going weekly for almost 2 months is too short a time to get diagnosed, or if it would even be that good of a thing to be formally diagnosed with bpd (i know a diagnosis is not the end all be all of therapy). do you guys think this diagnosis hindered your treatment? did you have to ask specifically ""so what is up w my brain?"" or did your therapist just tell you? (my previous therapist a few years ago ""didn't believe in formal diagnoses"" so i think my expectations are kind of skewed.) any advice/insight would be awesome! thanks in advance.",4.299840182648399,6.293592568493153,6.046780821917808,73.38035388127857,71.94520547945207,10.346118721461188,32.029680365296805,10.504223727775694,3.9448831050228303,1218,58,218,40,24,418,146,292,0.122,0.799,0.079,-0.9424,0,0,1,0,0,1,38.0,0,5,0,1,20,12,1,1,11,0,32,7,2,4,7,51,57,26,1,8,16,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,2,12,7,0,0,9,0,0,5,7,5,0,0,6,3,24,7,29,40,8,32,0,3,2,0,19,11,1,12,17,152,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870843099600052,0.0,0.07269693982677153,0.0,0.0,0.11611403461520338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049369489140713166,0.07612588750173464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714792976468634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179368132098355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287061135763746,0.0810439679930961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505801307081246,0.2947439144609877,0.0,0.0,0.08320420372571971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606467552304909,0.16332714696609305,0.06430074819314878,0.0,0.16193310048724405,0.095901287250195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585946988079426,0.0,0.16503766796056374,0.060892201601642465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376791500998531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048661263589738525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560019605469417,0.11969475855293725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03546797411217015,0.07276279824483572,0.0,0.06424741350680017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806405994069258,0.0,0.0,0.07701556647987387,0.0,0.0,0.11589490622611455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772093590647851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650847658520777,0.0,0.0,0.07794365076458362,0.0,0.0,0.06905782585047285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452134661537753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588989436675056,0.0,0.0,0.051385612396222406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310794650941992,0.07941100736490067,0.0,0.13684650858191327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345431414140075,0.06683897146282715,0.4151137239324965,0.4214624377415317,0.04823123669969045,0.2325910294964556,0.0,0.0,0.08466557201111047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747024823494363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873000771278227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031438239103072,0.0,0.0,0.09350214471104283
bpd,blazdncnfsd,2019/10/29,"A Poem For Us Do you know 
How dangerous it is
To hate yourself
To never be
Pleased
By what you see
To find fault
In every shadow
Doubt
In every corner
And hate
When what you need the most
Is love
They say
“No one will love you if you don’t love yourself”
But that’s a lie
I have someone
Who loves me so much
So much,
That even I believe it 
So much
That now I’m catching up
Trying to see
What he sees
What others see
Those ever-so-elusive qualities
That really do exist in me
Maybe one day
I will look in the mirror
And nothing will be missing
But for now
There is
Room for despair
And I am there
And so are you
But one day that might change
And I look forward to it",0.024767241379308302,2.061305593103448,1.9416163793103465,97.28345905172415,86.17241379310344,4.452586206896552,18.02801724137931,5.602791699666715,-0.5253362068965517,521,13,121,3,16,172,82,145,0.14,0.742,0.11800000000000001,-0.1488,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,6,1,0,11,11,3,1,4,0,15,4,0,1,1,17,31,15,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,15,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,3,0,7,15,4,14,25,4,15,0,2,6,4,15,8,0,4,7,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888226051424222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979197963586654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044529732164526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872805833008264,0.11953279613011847,0.2226758693859416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077821499219127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609318295471313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262348361252542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193718203114526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770643991876307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275750083154464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018505399349154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914255300164082,0.09798390718780473,0.10191843714542813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679677440780024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686347915317623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505562248177245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465552613907187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508707664911568,0.0,0.0,0.4212101000291345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196610291000447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971783945859163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589542683868709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PrizeGrand,2019/10/29,"Telling an (accepting) friend about your diagnosis So usually I keep it a secret, especially due to the stigma. But I have a friend, and her best friend has BPD. She is very accepting of it, and really, she’s accepting of everyone. I’ve considered opening up to her... but I’m not sure. Just so she might understand some things (although it’s not an excuse and I’m going back to a therapist to get a refresher on DBT). But I’m just wondering, have any of you ever told any of your friends? How did it go?",1.0120957095709535,3.4464670990099013,3.581608910891092,84.37525165016504,85.93069306930694,8.515181518151815,24.258250825082502,9.075114841892004,2.4550389438943894,391,16,81,13,12,136,63,101,0.037000000000000005,0.7909999999999999,0.171,0.9105,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,1,8,9,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,1,2,23,16,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,10,9,11,13,2,9,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,3,4,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533918433407839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325945693515324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551889506952652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346485760299001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852637590235334,0.0,0.17802540858693994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5757648167382942,0.0,0.09733831179193493,0.0,0.2117664150119023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559923215730996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764349090840136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935376300236965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559321388503887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284152325727752,0.0,0.0,0.21631810629808013,0.12377484744785112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802540858693994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395334071630532,0.0,0.0,0.2051920910563615,0.15372372446655494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020432267763167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PrincessTiaraLove,2019/10/29,"Constantly having to remind myself not to start something I can’t finish! I feel like I’m always reminding myself not to romantically or even friendly engage with people because I already know myself. I’m going to idealize, over analyze, force fear of abandonment down my throat until the person figures out I’m crazy and actually abandons me, devalue them, and then the deep depression cycle begins. All thanks to my BPD. 

No thanks. That’s ok I’ll just keep the encounters as cordial as i can. I recently started a new job and the manager seems to be a bit of a flirt and while I would NEVER date a coworker I’m just trying to avoid those vibes within myself and him so I won’t even indulge in fantasizing. Most women including myself are attracted to “men with power”.  I even found myself a little jealous of him (basically a stranger) interacting with other strangers lol  

I’m just going to keep God very close to me, get my work done and try to make some sort of social life outside of work. I hope some of you will understand where I am coming from. 

I want positive, and productive workplace relationships and I’m trying to steer as clear possible of any type of toxic relationship. Maybe if weird feelings do arise I will be able to remain professional and handle them outside of work for the sake of my money! 😂 I’m sure I will remain professional and also be able to be respected which is most important to me. 

I’ve had little work crushes before and not acted on them and had other coworkers act on. I guess I should know from watching first hand that they NEVER end well unless they get married or one person leaves the workplace and they are able to maintain the relationship which I have zero plans on doing. Just stating some instances I’ve seen happen. 

I’m sure this will be a very fun experience nonetheless and I’ve very excited, happy and grateful for this new employment! 

As for my romantic life it is my hopes and full intention to disclose my mental health status with the person before we engage on any romantic level, because as we all may know with romance no matter a persons mental state when we fall we normally fall FAST and worse HARD. So I’m trying to slow that process down in the future and also soften it as well by being super honest about the reality of the situation. 

Forgive my all over the placeness. That good ole BPD lol",5.921351150705267,7.025074383073503,6.830073496659242,72.75162843355605,66.8619153674833,9.550141054194508,30.77958426132145,9.725611199111238,3.064397713437268,1894,71,321,40,30,631,238,449,0.081,0.728,0.191,0.9943,3,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,4,1,6,9,16,32,1,2,20,3,28,5,2,2,8,82,64,36,0,8,11,0,4,1,1,8,3,0,0,6,13,30,0,5,10,0,1,7,9,7,2,3,5,6,46,25,61,45,10,49,0,3,2,0,26,20,0,14,21,225,59,10,0.2453504532378577,0.0,0.07980888337725928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025010872449524,0.13080444587442502,0.06805041056963809,0.0,0.0,0.11123114775152056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970890602214906,0.0,0.13918344319377415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928638324182489,0.0,0.2060068713021975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044923021686511,0.0,0.08837889253492122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043999528607531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369289917341285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724358925653462,0.0,0.0,0.1620516604083706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999994077582216,0.0,0.09202915712629472,0.08270437407555538,0.05842613760548805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956499006226155,0.0,0.08967136937990662,0.06318571718448496,0.0,0.08545699023351044,0.0,0.0929588777856588,0.06859610653416849,0.0,0.0,0.09009372843206044,0.0,0.07232086517197417,0.08706003991494643,0.07326193812026942,0.0,0.0,0.0869320195624698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245890670399524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115748888086055,0.1453858373401193,0.0,0.0,0.13483819263085065,0.0,0.0,0.08659690139003022,0.0,0.0,0.11553218733121648,0.03995527944064234,0.163937073347413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459111090458752,0.0,0.082162502539912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483703321419693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261529299417992,0.1579739977417116,0.0,0.0,0.08013045044646737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055418605611203424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669837059068662,0.2856407362122014,0.08544633448384308,0.0,0.0,0.09219859048089213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075132442438669,0.26341456693356863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445261263638707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192806307345636,0.0,0.08336796312161726,0.0,0.0629609218803748,0.0,0.0,0.11577354240907213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415993238222353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505904889789588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221024700290356,0.0,0.0,0.08513949152302508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243981909935435,0.04823801804357896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706634857715076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381574027559404,0.0,0.08334435757500183,0.058096640843924616,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mittens0305,2019/10/29,"My dad didn’t know how old I was - or so he said. I don’t know if he said it just to hurt me. For background, I’m 28 now. My parents got married the year I was born and are still together, meaning their wedding anniversary falls the same year of my birthday. 

I was on a video the call the other night with my parents. We spoke briefly about my sisters upcoming birthday. My dad then said, almost flippantly, the he didn’t know how old I was. 

I was a little taken aback. I mean, it’s not hard to work out - they got married the same year. But there was such a lack of even pretending to care there. He did mentioned he knew when his sport team won a certain trophy though. 

I didn’t realise I felt hurt by this until today in therapy. My therapist pointed out that actually what he said was hurtful. I thought it was sort of normal and didn’t really question it.

I just wondered what you guys think?",2.0124466709760824,4.018053631868135,3.2380413703943134,90.91578215901748,78.61538461538461,6.260374919198449,25.541047188106013,7.285733465282438,1.136891661279897,699,27,148,9,17,226,109,182,0.071,0.862,0.067,-0.4222,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,2,3,14,6,0,0,10,0,15,0,0,2,1,32,36,12,0,3,6,5,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,9,6,0,0,11,4,0,1,6,3,0,0,25,7,24,3,15,11,3,20,0,3,0,0,27,6,0,6,13,96,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.1180194389800392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110337052980345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123492680938867,0.0,0.1233058101438427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798793536001669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612081964135645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934526220724983,0.0,0.0,0.11974905080763668,0.0,0.0,0.1083379752937156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884044867966005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199395445393612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212130818384822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634769900404423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349346337666842,0.11849496455434147,0.0,0.0,0.253811177365324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685778519238281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432685341894586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354798410626403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747689636037375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601643751101956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658238585864633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383047793791466,0.14042000085238973,0.0,0.07749310409526937,0.11882237696148402,0.0960123991864554,0.0,0.0,0.1146364395568636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311536540406639,0.08804534618450817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336430853194469
bpd,EscapeTroubleshoot,2019/10/29,"I don’t feel like myself and I don’t know how to fix it. I think it started this summer? I got dreadfully depressed and ever since I just haven’t really felt like myself at all. It’s impacting every part of my life. It’s hard to maintain my relationships when I guess I’m not acting like myself. 

I just want to feel normal again, even if normal for me isn’t really that normal.

Does anyone have any tips? I’m starting therapy soon and I’m already taking Zoloft and abilify. But is there anything I can do on my own?",1.8796261682242985,3.854396074766356,4.022252336448599,85.28291121495327,78.90654205607476,6.8968224299065435,20.980373831775697,7.908726449838941,1.0073110280373836,408,11,82,7,10,140,68,107,0.083,0.8240000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,22,22,8,0,5,5,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,4,15,3,7,20,3,10,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,10,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415565810204755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196461533307884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302228486266648,0.0,0.14478474234987992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153802953548265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396746366422354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620760431866058,0.15914902662732788,0.1482381781966748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779224690529278,0.1256925377428986,0.1689312901752513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071637254812047,0.0,0.1938192361406674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576088938905813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669276634872326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427258083276525,0.2578681738145189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171555101813888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905273399468226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22542507194413186,0.0,0.0,0.18889516891618535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455405053351114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490643904469648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228600128966878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012042706043872,0.0,0.0,0.11273611480638002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377476848676116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lekxluthor,2019/10/29,"anyone else here an Aquarius? hello to you if you're reading this! long time lurker here and just curious if anyone else is an introverted Aquarius? that also battles with BPD+bipolar disorder+CPTSD+panic attacks+substance abuse(+many others☹) whose living in a constant twilight zone and irritated by anyone, everyone, and any sort of touch/affection which then results into being a hopeless romantic...or is it just me? ☹☹☹",6.859738430583497,10.267321211267607,7.312193158953725,60.70338028169016,69.28169014084507,8.564185110663983,35.49496981891348,9.23628265651192,4.308913883299798,350,18,43,8,7,114,55,71,0.133,0.8340000000000001,0.033,-0.7982,0,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,3,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,3,4,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784112062234106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517141340823743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679854446094872,0.4571800600827923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809838316552367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410894326479067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37273911943771504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317948006798634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699941842443816,0.19743450614679836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261861223999421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22315814362187514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300901039065216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snakes_and-ladders,2019/10/29,"How do I get a diagnosis? Apologies if this is not posted in the correct place.

I feel like I may have BPD more specifically 'quiet' BPD (is this an official diagnosis though?)

I won't list all of my symptoms but I've struggle with intense self-hatred since I was around 7 (20 ish years now) and I have always struggled with a sense of self. I developed anorexia at 16 and I've been dealing with that (and more recently bulimia) ever since. I also have a problem with compulsive spending and dermatillia. I've also almost completely avoided intimate relationships because  I'm so petrified of rejection leaving me very isolated. 

I presented to my GP a few years ago because I thought I might have bipolar because of the instability and changability of my moods. He said I don't have it but he referred me anyway. I've since been diagnosed with anorexia, bulimia, social anxiety, depression, anxiety and body dysmorphia. I've tried various anti-depressants but none of them helped. 

I know my Gran had BPD. I think she was pretty severe as she was sectioned 3 times. She went largely untreated and self medicated with food and alcohol though. My dad also has NPD so personality disorders do run in my family (not sure if it's a genetic thing though).

The problem I am having is that none of my therapists see 'me'. They see the me that I present to them which is always polite, quietly spoken and compliant. All of my rage and tumult is directed inwardly so even when I do lash out it's usually at myself. The eating disorder has always been the mainstay of my treatment (and it's been unsuccessful at that).  The only person who has seen me at my absolute worst in my mum. It's hard to get across to therapists just how angry and out of control I can get plus I'm not good at talking about it because it's embarrassing to me. 

What I don't know is if I ''just' have an eating disorder with extremely low self-esteem or if it's something else and that's why treatment has largely been ineffective. Obviously I don't expect a diagnosis online but does any of this seem to fit with BPD?

If so, how could I go about getting a correct diagnosis?",4.37681818181818,6.305486343137263,6.1220142602495535,73.19179144385029,71.59803921568627,9.847415329768275,32.46167557932264,10.161004565491616,3.781856862745098,1700,82,298,50,33,584,202,408,0.195,0.773,0.032,-0.9971,0,1,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,3,2,23,16,1,4,16,0,38,9,1,4,7,66,56,39,0,9,15,2,2,1,0,3,5,3,0,4,20,25,4,2,7,0,1,3,9,12,0,0,13,8,46,3,41,39,10,31,0,3,3,0,22,16,0,10,12,217,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919462180140443,0.0834213656341281,0.07816484465713391,0.0,0.0,0.18727133837760426,0.19485410269244194,0.0,0.0,0.0530828183233209,0.0,0.11942989120746955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948908770063128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903362448588403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670598708446968,0.3932504714279839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184340961620301,0.0,0.08754984156069355,0.062323785101877374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047543413586634,0.134464259267349,0.07922827405932438,0.0,0.0,0.26838723918250923,0.0,0.06830998468287018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974775380274184,0.06520830468031362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051557254254395286,0.07060886314861467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358710802341435,0.0,0.0394689918457365,0.05576538785293747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438929099441473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313048920997872,0.0,0.044362746593779166,0.06547221231546907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992556005877368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052321323543677384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857984048192178,0.0,0.0,0.08265324375000294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038135699981143856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863626222454215,0.0,0.08280829708135261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059367411092674426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631627122974316,0.08155507412243793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475897487203917,0.07941409798092194,0.0,0.14938390249431396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707387670516358,0.08380618728300247,0.0,0.0,0.07425201449777914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244058838772434,0.07106201077961803,0.32573037647700426,0.08818448721605217,0.0,0.19371371301913784,0.0,0.0,0.07957135262608363,0.0,0.060093656232168974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320849675921945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356971359912214,0.08113322221958442,0.0,0.06274089286760859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126510443704774,0.05185895215446768,0.05001707563634786,0.23007780699299624,0.06197015190193319,0.04551684912614935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052996958603939916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597099533530282,0.06440687616663306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236150443823408,0.07043613481558107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053491431500457
bpd,kalethekale,2019/10/29,"Bay Area DBT services that take insurance? Kind of a long shot, but does anyone know of someone / a clinic in the bay area that does DBT individual and group therapy but also takes insurance? 

I keep getting rejected from therapists that take my insurance and referred out to clinics that are all private pay. :/

Anyone else run into this problem?",5.980819672131148,8.377925114754099,6.384393442622951,71.01921311475411,68.34426229508196,9.47016393442623,35.15081967213115,9.888512548439397,4.110577704918033,276,14,42,7,5,89,46,61,0.201,0.799,0.0,-0.9309999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,24,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787469440292097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125774060378516,0.2290201953697867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912035161768904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867202737147564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167787206930145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867271296437747,0.0,0.23275918466821305,0.12283942751367333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780604238202645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387615656520564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938573720566945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041722544546021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25561185544336723,0.2595211613102826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,getoffmyporchpls,2019/10/29,"How can I stop the ‘heart sinking’ anxiety feeling when I’m having an irrational thought(s)? I keep having really irrational thoughts about everything and anything, things like oh my friends/partner/etc hate me or they’re trying to do something against me etc, and I will tell myself the logical reason for someone’s actions, yet I cannot believe it and I start spiralling and feeling really manic and i just go into an absolute meltdown even though I KNOW there is a completely logical reason for something.  I haven’t been able to calm down for one minute for the last week because it feels like I HAVE to be on edge about something. 

Anyone got any ways to shake the feeling/cope with it better/believe the logical reason etc?",7.522166666666667,8.055893392592594,7.074212962962968,74.40020833333338,63.22222222222222,10.00925925925926,38.356481481481474,9.827888789773867,3.9597592592592585,588,29,97,11,8,184,90,135,0.111,0.809,0.079,-0.6322,0,0,3,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,1,8,0,11,1,1,4,0,23,22,9,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,11,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,3,3,13,3,15,17,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,8,67,17,0,0.13229122868724047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996257196685375,0.0,0.10120242784872284,0.0,0.0,0.09250110302239407,0.0,0.10886440926640048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064350512495021,0.0,0.0,0.29809382557311953,0.0,0.1170008412411961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870483633261865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442619068779846,0.0873771088796297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889482615642333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067126039281652,0.09450888020720197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518415391552022,0.0,0.10580538061491787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306101999909801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567657429518119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758652247201125,0.0,0.0,0.07270379957198972,0.10783500805518784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292616240970291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964396028238268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694982972151146,0.40805224849052296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208992876543544,0.3055327530243117,0.0,0.0,0.09363641256404608,0.0,0.0,0.11060139079163056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562836484458405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788841404210611,0.0,0.12997546050595854,0.2100489170080579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898170604543184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050066196820932,0.10611604396900136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MushLoveKater,2019/10/29,"Did you know you had BPD prior to a diagnosis? Last Thursday I realized that I (26 F) might have BPD. Up until now, I’ve always thought that my feelings and thoughts were normal. I never imagined that the way I felt wasn’t normal. Now I’m wondering how I didn’t notice sooner. 

For years now, I’ve been lashing out over things that I shouldn’t. I’ve had more than one person tell me they have to walk on eggshells around me. I’ve said stupid things to people just to hurt them in an outburst. I’ve been emotionally manipulative. I’ve been downright evil at times. 

Since I don’t have insurance, I won’t be getting an official diagnosis in the immediate future, but I plan to seek help ASAP. Just knowing that this isn’t really me has been a huge weight off my shoulders. 

So I’m wondering. Did you suspect something prior to your diagnosis?",3.0000803212851395,5.115892180722895,4.435638554216869,82.97221285140564,75.98795180722891,7.318232931726907,26.12690763052209,8.238735603445708,1.766611726907631,666,25,130,12,15,221,103,166,0.068,0.89,0.043,-0.4137,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,2,1,8,3,2,0,6,0,21,2,1,2,1,24,33,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,8,3,1,0,11,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,15,4,20,0,18,14,1,24,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,3,12,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353618660346111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448186994817386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097767270174124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299185205316568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822553332917476,0.0,0.1561972431108365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499300420731487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090402289263296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415111328839167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880812390366116,0.13260500548112295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257659132442446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546798659782368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187815387984497,0.0,0.18521099123755927,0.0,0.0,0.11023542408891243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278105716090278,0.1420449294336613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421626073300956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547448747606725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345696565196352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523815509188682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218851772276286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615324811430756,0.0,0.0,0.2582977299626348,0.0948593673204257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291269285330041,0.0,0.19809905858944374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35283662737371996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047598696814861
bpd,imboredmostofthetime,2019/10/29,"DAE get SO stuck in the past that they can’t enjoy the present? Let me start out by saying we all make mistakes as humans, but I feel like I have gone way beyond that and I’m just a terrible person at this point, like the worst person ever (on this subreddit at least) and add Bipolar II to the mix.

And the rant begins:

Ever since I [F20], (found out that) my boyfriend [M19] cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend, everything has gone wrong. *My boyfriend and I are still together to this day—three years on Christmas Day.*

I was immature and retaliated by cheating on him with his best friend when we were high on ecstasy and that lead to his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend breaking up (once she found out about it). I didn’t care for the best friend’s girlfriend, so I was ok with that, but like I ended their relationship and her and my relationship on a really sorry note and I’ll never forget about how shitty I was to her toward the end. She had been a jerk to me for our whole “friendship”—if you can even call it that—and I finally lost my shit after a year and called her out on all of her bad behavior toward me and unfollowed her from all social media and left the Discord and Snapchat groups with her and didn’t say a word after that—not my proudest moment.

Next, I got super drunk and texted my best guy friend (the most amazing person ever in my life ever—the love of my life) to send nudes and he did and the next day he told his girlfriend about it and I never heard back from him except for his last goodbye email to me a couple months later because his girlfriend told him never to speak to me again. He and I had been best friends for five years. We told each other everything. He told me things he could never tell his girlfriend because she wouldn’t understand them. And now he’s gone because of some stupid thing I did that I thought would be funny to ask when I was seven shots into Everclear.

A couple night after the first getting drunk, I drank five shots of Everclear and got with my boyfriend’s best friend AGAIN and cheated.... but the best friend was single this time.

And so basically, I’m living in a past that I can’t change and I’m beating myself up about it constantly and can’t move forward and it’s ruining my relationship with my boyfriend who has forgiven me for my wrongdoings and who loves me a lot, but I can’t help but think that he deserves someone who’s mentally stable and is not as manipulative and immature as me.",6.728355437665781,5.955462582150105,6.644756592292089,81.19552933374943,65.16632860040568,9.694148853175221,30.92908410048369,8.841846274778883,2.214902699329069,1955,59,400,26,26,620,221,493,0.122,0.648,0.23,0.9975,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,1,3,13,21,39,6,0,21,1,29,10,2,4,10,83,60,44,0,4,8,0,1,3,13,2,3,4,0,5,23,46,3,0,6,2,0,7,12,13,0,4,30,5,70,26,62,25,19,74,0,2,0,3,78,26,1,3,44,284,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861893499322071,0.0,0.0,0.048214814118022524,0.05235447009492061,0.1146696848570764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526424286899565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280537531784621,0.0,0.06392999025361837,0.0,0.06633156655905728,0.0,0.0,0.0677597763282758,0.0,0.05006332382661448,0.13875957690489396,0.0,0.12131493823986438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107267216383092,0.0,0.0,0.04141480674079176,0.226874178136637,0.0,0.0,0.112707007839584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03170457180437829,0.0447951077720128,0.0,0.06868818207184005,0.0,0.05333522554647355,0.0,0.13750142727420606,0.3875540813658112,0.0,0.06551956443244968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029879556530616,0.0,0.0,0.06208592800356817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202856677145698,0.06624926868138321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051111396059689056,0.0,0.0,0.0681271025343919,0.06411816887860171,0.08857810895499092,0.09190070345004334,0.0,0.05536798681979165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844784159497931,0.05330793405392417,0.11318399320940715,0.0,0.04185480671128943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318997772458627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004901687163703,0.0666434729684108,0.0,0.0,0.1934419875794516,0.0,0.13337091819868027,0.0588426125180616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667767559916052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971440951972867,0.0,0.16424978725832404,0.0,0.0,0.05927469773138696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040169212005673104,0.0,0.0,0.20195899297986325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997280450195316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436383194915125,0.05186865297457055,0.0,0.0,0.06391791492332446,0.053128133866327316,0.0,0.0,0.07019098781698797,0.04438157750885576,0.0,0.0500747773313486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480527388917314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331430803742425,0.04017761518093875,0.0,0.04977925806623571,0.03656268234743218,0.0,0.0,0.2396619997572557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527613932278899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977080286129215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070005772836106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044542483800111284,0.06855599747583058,0.0,0.1211362234259116
bpd,Thorskiii,2019/10/29,"Relationship Questions/Need advice My girlfriend has BPD and our relationship was perfect in the beginning, she was just as clingy as I am, and she always wanted to be apart of my life. We met online through a friend of mine who met her online. I flew to her country and spent time with her and we've been mostly happy since. 

About 6 months into our relationship she left me for another guy, it hurt of course but it wasn't like a 5 year relationship or anything. A month later she came back and asked if I wanted to be together again, and I agreed.

Fast forward 4 months and I find myself waiting hours for replies, we never do anything together, and she always just wants to be alone. Its so hard not knowing how or what I can to do help her (since shell just tell me to can it whenever I ask :P). She means the world to me and I don't know of its just her personality, something going on, or her BPD. She always blames it on her disorder but I just want some insight as to if that's really it. This all started since we got back together.

Her parents refuse to help her treat it and they're in complete denial she even has BPD. They wont even help her get a therapist, and shes too anxious to do it on her own, and I'm hours away. 

TL;DR Whats your guys' advice for someone who has a distant girlfriend with BPD? What can I do to be her fp?",1.4472233766233769,3.615631850909097,3.043993506493507,90.73170454545456,81.4,5.964935064935068,21.82142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.6331792207792213,1049,33,225,14,28,345,144,275,0.079,0.83,0.092,0.5655,1,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,5,1,1,1,14,6,0,0,7,0,22,1,0,1,3,49,43,24,0,6,13,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,3,16,19,0,2,5,0,1,4,5,1,0,0,10,1,45,5,32,28,4,29,0,1,0,0,50,11,0,7,17,159,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894336073813802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482887343789473,0.0,0.0,0.22855655106011066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600897381559256,0.0,0.10343709460877104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069267598906666,0.0,0.17119307002272552,0.0,0.08602393014521953,0.14080846147057954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612680472743717,0.0,0.0,0.10472060868335746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599924851674586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493605367382844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094944937457427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368446937046979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073927242592708,0.0,0.04783648569800878,0.0,0.052035837156746347,0.0,0.07322914828797325,0.0,0.0,0.1813182143512152,0.0,0.0974676581255565,0.08202005817247722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841128478816512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033693417235014,0.0,0.09801721115530906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063830948887804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948055040546512,0.0,0.06467175841119464,0.04473174513400405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973602511786946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924771025434767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061695962416863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166689463647928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994693561782823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865588247586034,0.0,0.0,0.3932060522869087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227218916763509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757875797476332,0.07048760390072717,0.0,0.0,0.06480686238219145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800277512002643,0.0,0.0,0.10630858299933904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053389556122492805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160185846879587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896184108894429
bpd,Smsophiemoore,2019/10/29,"It's so hard maintaining a friendship with my bestie who suffers from BPD. Hey everyone. My best friend (long distance) suffers from BPD, depression and anxiety. I have been friends with her for 15 years now. She relies on me a lot. I spend about 90% of my free time with her, I put off getting a job in real life for years for her, I got a part time job and spend anytime after that with her she insists I stay up to 11 pm so we can get as much time together as possible. We write stories together, watch things together, play games and the like. For her I've sacrificed making more money, given up career options, minimized time with my husband and child. 

I feel overwhelmed. Still there are days that her disorder makes her feel like it isn't enough. Still there are days when she gets mad at me for not understanding or not being sympathetic enough. If I ask if she's okay and she says shes fine, I need to keep pressing somehow but I always end up sayin the wrong thing, in her opinion.

I want to continue our friendship but I'm really exhausted from it. Mentally I'm tired and drained. I don't understand how to be better. Or what she really wants. 

I'm her only friend that really cares and listens to her so she's clinging to me like glue. She has no other close friends, no friends in real life, and she is not close with her family. 

I don't know how to continue forward in our friendship.",2.5838905859483456,4.75041249458484,3.6877436823104683,87.59896348236603,77.48375451263537,7.438433768397667,25.45529019716745,8.384062270229773,1.7303663982227162,1099,41,223,22,26,355,152,277,0.11599999999999999,0.7070000000000001,0.177,0.9567,3,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,4,0,0,2,13,22,1,1,6,1,13,4,0,4,0,47,35,22,0,5,9,1,4,3,5,0,4,2,0,1,11,18,0,1,5,2,4,2,8,7,0,0,3,7,44,16,36,30,7,32,0,4,1,0,39,13,0,8,21,147,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710415556270258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008176126775167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786392733014034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985773659125254,0.09258308951252917,0.0,0.0,0.26368767527904263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067306992377164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502299557119318,0.0,0.09016281100840053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997511733020508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271754867486734,0.2163298370042806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002853399994677,0.0,0.0,0.09868526476136916,0.0,0.10586114918176948,0.07478513849241811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043868723867699,0.0,0.16407672434840173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372409053182991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377488249424644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776228908487476,0.09304654069153896,0.0,0.0,0.057530717833030966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788057167560295,0.15342762138315802,0.0,0.0,0.09264064348299103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899724611128618,0.0,0.0,0.1397526503299458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549525317625236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695362024662339,0.07762068460768876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796156940970349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336085467269655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801369456384525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105234740974017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830301329007225,0.2011867075930411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324765838629722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157752639890142,0.16719902435603118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909269058331347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441646330598073,0.12031703711962137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179561725512868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348880168488018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144537879406353,0.0,0.13482408676504815
bpd,cupcakecat92,2019/10/29,"DAE feel like their idealization period is really short? Most my relationships last between 4 and 8 months. Sometimes close to a year but then I always feel like I dragged that relationship for too long because I usually lose all interest after 3-4 months or so. Sometimes because of one particular event that I can't come back from.
I usually end my relationships. Then start a new one not too long after. I hate myself for this. I feel like I'm hurting a lot of people that didn't deserve it. I feel so immature but I don't know how to address this.
(I'm starting a new therapy this week and I hope this will help me.)",2.4967073170731737,4.784232430894309,4.332703252032523,82.25564024390245,78.34959349593495,8.002439024390245,26.51016260162601,8.841846274778883,2.2567674796747967,491,20,97,12,12,166,77,123,0.10800000000000001,0.72,0.172,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,6,9,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,19,17,10,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,1,4,15,6,10,15,3,24,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,4,24,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994731404393564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160403669162978,0.0,0.16109713830713765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138230258123244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703282553725315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672466988273919,0.2831928644917339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045644171634602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856763462554787,0.0,0.0,0.13124035759005415,0.0,0.0,0.14145377649362448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726182104619332,0.10770806142479553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366418011003952,0.0,0.0,0.2338715037521837,0.0,0.1478258159882139,0.0,0.11233686962499972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109385772662342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552345620708622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907685740636972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916061123648092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464937934859049,0.0,0.0,0.42559220248575796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137075948917426,0.0,0.18705236189873076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151108450200857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910571517517318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599112095508058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509092426464507
bpd,Melzinha6666,2019/10/29,"My first post 🙂 Hi people, I'm Melissa, I'm 19 yo and I'm from Brazil.

In addition to borderline I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I really want to have a friend who knows the pain I feel because I feel very alone and different from others. I hope my NSFW posts don't interfere with anything, I have a compulsion for sex, then I do things like post my pics :|

Kisses.",3.306153846153848,4.688828333333333,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,73.35897435897436,9.302564102564103,25.82051282051281,9.725611199111238,2.4306512820512842,302,10,60,8,6,104,55,78,0.22,0.619,0.161,-0.6124,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,11,12,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,10,4,8,12,0,6,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204382035383842,0.0,0.17020818902657253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628221302376428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751493062035428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297453783806666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331890712940013,0.0,0.0,0.22237265337931894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152367473731079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104172069986374,0.0,0.0,0.16443976995462567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139829091031254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697137879317568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398294507774156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264769232433932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755655917479982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6115260804467612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635084854620094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404487840902224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414015365217769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561541207779946,0.12553863346985866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tinyghoul08,2019/10/29,"DAE still obsess over past FP? I can’t get over my ex boyfriend. I CONSTANTLY think of him, dream of him, etc. It is incredibly painful but yet I still can’t stop the feelings from rolling in. It’s been such a long time, and I’ve been experimenting with other people, yet I still can’t seem to shake him. I’ve accepted the fact that he wants nothing to do with me, and that we will never get back together no matter what. I’ve accepted the fact that someone else will make him happy. I’ve accepted all of these truths into my life, yet I still obsess. Still stalk his Instagram, still ask people how he is. I guess when you have had such an influential relationship with someone in the past it’s hard to let them go. Especially if they become your FP.",3.3273620309050784,4.900020052980139,4.399619205298013,85.9317908388521,73.63576158940397,7.947240618101546,24.50386313465784,8.59863814320734,1.4560194260485655,592,18,126,11,12,193,93,151,0.09699999999999999,0.757,0.146,0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,2,2,0,14,9,0,3,6,0,13,2,0,2,5,26,23,6,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,2,19,5,15,17,2,25,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,3,18,84,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943132528194354,0.0,0.0,0.10645889916355414,0.0,0.0,0.15290627882515315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961441472778522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156565524011738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440747036513702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542989705039282,0.0,0.0,0.07000408224086296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446679994675509,0.0,0.07868387855254907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251741748948314,0.0,0.0,0.1473817621430997,0.12402330103147967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157370094780222,0.09779077387143567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252319713806015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241592503665057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678056851628777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328457542767938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731972447906427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643308801375491,0.1919665044137727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864264204625754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603896411290874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346151384998897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6633943240979283,0.11574974176832785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871266562823509,0.0,0.0,0.0807308497269384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166093317323149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heytrose,2019/10/29,"Not diagnosed, but wow. This came up as a suggested sub for me, and looking through the post just felt SO relatable to me. I take meds for anxiety/depression that were given to me by my GP. I’ve never been to a psychiatrist, I keep saying I’ll go and I put it off. 

       After seeing this sub I started reading up on BPD some more and almost got emotional knowing that other people feel like me and I’m not entirely a fucked   up idiot. 

    I may not even have this since I haven’t been to a psych, but I just felt compelled to say this for some reason. 🤷🏻‍♀️",1.117925407925405,2.926684444444448,3.5855322455322463,88.30062937062941,80.62393162393163,6.98958818958819,22.602175602175606,8.00094639256281,1.151263247863248,428,14,94,8,11,149,78,117,0.08,0.821,0.099,0.046,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,5,0,6,2,0,2,1,24,21,8,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,5,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,8,7,12,2,17,12,3,12,0,0,2,1,3,5,1,4,4,65,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311347310442925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428904089508769,0.0,0.0,0.22057137162640544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610319018373607,0.1957407737299109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693260182627752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737696181023098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751179227303602,0.13777354480181184,0.3703364271790721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828861491069606,0.0,0.0,0.10960226568293308,0.0,0.1542414037121488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141576523147053,0.0,0.0,0.1059864445079963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942177714921751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194715302494894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142151548855094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487393917990544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369933082880955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469895701313352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938695788035573,0.0,0.0,0.19290424095128034,0.0,0.0,0.19828402937951306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30672738524093895,0.0,0.0,0.15367811716087212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595292106622948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650167532606594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500074270609936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smackcity101,2019/10/29,"need relationship tips, cause i’m having a HARD time. so i’m in a new relationship. a HEALTHY one with a ‘normal’ person. i have an extreme tendency to get super insecure, thinking he’ll leave me for someone prettier and healthier, and less needy. sometimes i feel like too much, especially since this is his first relationship that he’s taking seriously. friends always tell me that i’m way hotter than him but i can’t see it that way. its almost as if i can imagine the girl he’d leave me for. but he always assures me that he wants ME. all of me. is there advice anyone could give me so things could maybe feel easier? like little reminders i could give myself throughout the day? ‘cause i want to take him to this festival, but i’m afraid he’ll leave me for someone there that’s way more attractive.",2.58625,5.040397318471339,3.8699960191082816,84.79378383757962,79.0,6.982324840764332,23.82523885350319,8.07648339933343,1.5002359872611468,637,22,123,12,16,208,97,157,0.063,0.74,0.19699999999999998,0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,0,2,7,0,10,0,0,2,2,23,28,9,0,8,4,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,4,19,7,11,22,4,9,0,0,1,0,18,2,0,2,6,73,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912848730637662,0.0,0.0,0.12207468768147656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287682895444525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852419103077249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504691390220748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920042879178714,0.0,0.0,0.07862149917088254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328214490301008,0.08709212351722419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369610169828967,0.0,0.0,0.09418692576794016,0.0,0.06369264727956292,0.23389327388287115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920690679512604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872534626366081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911758246647368,0.12218527893656295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247441150410936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896174605639857,0.09039430009252028,0.0,0.11774089035913365,0.0,0.0,0.11944536082287645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260898705359399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644661490257043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926553241380031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714603468265492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008447430135596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658693446951346,0.0,0.1205715467623636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332144406990356,0.0,0.10655421809105063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099121050536742,0.0781146423795866,0.0,0.0,0.07108637093430782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381068466462685,0.2902981012396592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiniestofoctopuses,2019/10/29,"My mom is drunk off her mind She slammed doors and threw things because I asked her where the dog leash is. She shouted abusive things and belittled me. She texted my ex cruel things even though she knows I wish to have nothing to do with him. 

My boyfriend said this ain't right. I asked him why he thinks I got BPD and always ask him if he is upset. This used to be my every day life. I never knew if I was going to get my kind sweet mother, or the monster she becomes thanks to pills and alcohol.",2.7957524271844685,4.107582398058252,3.17882281553398,95.2037682038835,74.53398058252428,5.926699029126214,22.583737864077676,5.985473137389443,0.11886504854368908,389,10,88,2,8,120,71,103,0.139,0.757,0.10400000000000001,-0.6124,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,2,0,8,4,0,1,1,15,22,8,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,5,5,2,0,3,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,3,22,3,7,16,0,7,0,0,0,0,19,3,0,3,2,55,27,0,0.0,0.20445268188105545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441172500279496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358184672170862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839545251105354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518958476092552,0.19057644506086066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733040823215846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128545434352574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397274692385342,0.0,0.1453873218290732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901542868756839,0.0,0.09806852912359652,0.0,0.13801017248829267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969231194689395,0.09483321038277943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188262108895805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174234106973681,0.2020975166466576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308715185385978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557378667523548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736335042137735,0.16414190746436474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886796512562912,0.0,0.0,0.3439190458324394,0.11056801968632243,0.16953708421463284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903446684370478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557065030658856,0.0,0.1984328625295288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deltapickle,2019/10/29,"this is a long one so I understand (I thought it was important to mention that while writing this I found to be quite alot of memory blanks due yesterday's events and having to refer to messages and my partners memory.)

(I was hired as a receptionsit when I first started, the head office relocated to an area in July of this year and I just didnt see possible for me to get there so I was given two shifts in the retail store which was then cut down to one due to not being busy.)

I msgd my manager yesterday just informing him of the times I worked last Wednesday, that I used bosses login in and how much was made that day (4K). He asked me why I had used his login to which I did not answer but instead apologised and that I'll remember for next time.
I was only rostered on from 9am to 5pm but something had come up with a coworker and so it was just me and the boss till close. He took care of the store from open to when I got in which was 9am and store opens at 8:30am, I believe I went to the shop for less than 5 mins, had my 30 min break and he also helped when it was busy which happend maybe 2-3 times during the entire shift.

After explaining the amount of times boss was on the floor he replied with ""boss said he was on floor that day"" to which I said ""I didnt say that he wasnt"" and his response was ""so that mistake that u didnt use ur provided loging"" and I sort of knew where this was heading.. So I said something along the lines of ok thank you, let me know when I can pick my pay up! because to my knowledge ever since being there pays have been monday, he replies with its Tuesday, you know its Tuesday bc it's always been Tuesday. I was so confused with myself, questioning if it was actually tuesday and starting to feel super overwhelmed. I had to ask my partner what days I normally pick my pays up and he said usually Monday. I didnt want to continue on with this discussion bc it just felt like it wouldnt go anywhere good so I said to him that I will be in tomorrow to pick my pay up, have a good day. Put the phone down and was glad that was over until I hear a pop within that minute. 

""How about you just split the sales with boss, which will give you $10 commission"" and I was just shaking, why would boss want $10 when he has a fucking Tesla and I dont even have milk in the fridge. Everyone except for five official employees are off the books and being paid $15aud an hour (3/4 minimum wage), I went into it because I was happy to be hired and to help my partner out where ever I could. I was told when hired 2 years ago and that I would eventually be put on the books and get a pay rise but it never happened, and I dont think it ever was going to happen. I replied with ""keep it, I'll see you tomorrow when I pick my pay up. Have a good day"" and next thing you know theres another problem.

The manager sent me a picture of the roster which by the way only came to the company a few months ago and his problem was that I had crossed out and corrected my time bc I worked till 6:30 that day but didnt realise that I had done it on this weeks not last weeks. He has told me a few times before and to do it in the corner of the paper (sometimes I do remember to but I do forget) so he replied with ""how many times do I have to tell you to write it in the corner, but you still keep doing it"". I needed to just not reply for a second because hes testing the fuck out of me. I couldn't see how me writing on the roster to correct my times is such a big deal when yourself and others stand around wasting bosses money by watching YouTube and facebook videos, play on your phones all day and take half hour toilet breaks twice a day but no I'm fuckin anakin.

My partner has told me many times to quit before because he has seen how unhappy this place has made me, constantly being led on to believe I'd get a pay rise, promotions for certain roles, little mind games and my appearance insulted. I couldn't bring myself to quit, my distorted thoughts were holding me back and I felt trapped bc of them. After my partner read the messages, saw the state that I was in he turned to me and said ""just quit, do what you think is right and I'll support you all the way"". Felt like my mind was flashing with all these scenarios but just couldn't stop hearing ""I'll support you"" over it all...

I wrote ""sorry thought it was last weeks roster, I'll be picking up my last pay tomorrow, I quit."" and quickly sent it. Lol couldn't even hold the phone, I was shaking so bad because for a second I realised that this cant be undone and I cant beat myself up about it later if I decide to change my mind and think it was the worse thing that I'd ever done. Just ignored his response, dont need it. 

After quitting I wrote a similar post to this but deleted it halfway through. I get so anxious with all of this, expressing myself on the internet or to anyone really, even if I hide my name behind an alias, these are some of the problems that i struggle with and they're soon to be published on the internet for anyone to read... it scares me to be that vulnerable. I've been sitting here for a few hours writing, re-writing, deleting etc, today's been emotionally exhausting and so I'll leave it for now.

+ I have considered taking this company to fair work Australia however there are good people there that have been nice to me and I just dont want to see them without a job + I'm broke and need to figure out what I'm going to do next. 

Thank you for reading x",4.917864142301752,4.612764851493846,5.6823486179900975,85.03358790009055,68.76274165202109,8.795036480800977,29.368962028012994,8.296473431620573,1.8179948447568828,4283,138,933,54,66,1403,427,1138,0.1,0.838,0.063,-0.9875,4,1,2,0,0,0,110.0,0,13,2,13,61,37,5,6,55,2,105,7,2,23,13,195,193,83,0,22,30,0,4,2,5,5,1,9,0,5,73,62,1,6,26,9,17,20,24,19,0,9,80,20,121,18,138,90,14,170,0,2,7,3,83,54,3,10,90,630,194,34,0.0,0.0,0.0454529732339741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257638153599563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03724805263287991,0.03875625568599364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048840625920650506,0.0,0.05261937757828062,0.0,0.06513621665075492,0.0,0.0,0.04146389754845892,0.08708744985908545,0.0,0.0,0.03581526351045116,0.038890311550505686,0.14196622120342012,0.0,0.0792681347036812,0.10495390525279663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327231269767031,0.0474889199313131,0.0,0.049272875543154786,0.04012243800310659,0.0,0.0503337882557404,0.0,0.03718838634678085,0.0,0.0,0.2403093494697367,0.04801941235079708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953300170363432,0.21835418281361985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052393478417419384,0.0,0.0,0.051946284270829535,0.09229210422910787,0.16852825469347574,0.0,0.04450684831915225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023551010502296632,0.0,0.13416526682418115,0.0,0.0,0.039618843135231854,0.0,0.05106988319849199,0.0,0.08612039517117552,0.0973393969535607,0.0446814334222177,0.07941329094680259,0.15626816776844213,0.0372523244013664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237675330904944,0.04958267170957967,0.0,0.0,0.09560401484348913,0.0,0.10499257569000804,0.0,0.062439904474241685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760852332157125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622103472367845,0.08280053915780383,0.0,0.0,0.07679341573539464,0.15186769060511954,0.0,0.04931890379195164,0.0,0.04762870408612317,0.0,0.045510879744721434,0.04668294487778299,0.0,0.041219669056514766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814561446675655,0.0,0.09444465704054586,0.04679341284766133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410901535243687,0.0,0.0371777587549935,0.0,0.03423986103733095,0.10360999701140272,0.03592348060382624,0.0,0.14860726938272198,0.0,0.04563611298948919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312431125249755,0.0708486564644173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03229101087264108,0.0,0.04866362978512695,0.0,0.0,0.052509193062237815,0.044608420940513885,0.0,0.0,0.13370528452822686,0.0,0.0936466119645089,0.052177519591537457,0.2972457683667581,0.13977047386823854,0.0,0.029838773399990987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552657652118476,0.03977697611554731,0.26583551666411914,0.03704033995665183,0.04663225648193385,0.0,0.14846511860205747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03852943349878005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171535237468163,0.04606639130609808,0.05213975768050511,0.06593566407196902,0.0,0.03719689431881548,0.03894092025440154,0.0,0.04869297189377827,0.0,0.0,0.10571131127828083,0.0,0.0,0.07004104703050258,0.0,0.04071083466791739,0.0857647065740308,0.0,0.0,0.0618881136666224,0.08953504651523325,0.0,0.11093212392976276,0.24443771363404385,0.0,0.044150074461017236,0.13352054495745674,0.051749375647443266,0.0,0.05066300302743843,0.04549950169702319,0.048488875744036486,0.0,0.12068415405358625,0.05129859465243277,0.0,0.08241794334963101,0.07394218777824065,0.1120851114890902,0.0,0.0,0.08635571730069025,0.08405799455260833,0.0,0.0,0.04489909936205594,0.0,0.1017270408524129,0.0,0.0474665061551124,0.06617471513240449,0.0,0.0,0.059988834580175024
bpd,eriathwen05,2019/10/29,"Any tips for keeping healthy relationship? I'm in a relationship for over half a year. I love my boyfriend and I think he loves me, I think I want to be with him for life. But we have regular fights or silent days. They always ends with us apologizing each other, having sex and everything is fine again. But it's very tiring and I think at least half of this fights wouldn't happen if not my bpd traits. I'm afraid one day he'll get tired of this and break up with me, just for his own mental health. Do you have any advice for making our relationship easier and happier?",1.5054247491638792,3.9649178434782653,2.6356521739130443,91.92224080267559,83.6086956521739,6.321070234113712,17.54180602006689,7.61054688173877,0.2913812709030101,452,10,98,8,13,144,83,115,0.079,0.755,0.166,0.8924,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,3,1,1,0,2,6,2,1,2,0,7,7,0,1,0,23,20,9,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,16,3,15,17,3,10,0,0,0,3,17,4,0,2,5,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600583190158704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283963051254186,0.0,0.0,0.21713174755466472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010706213067174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059190485976553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414004283542112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348101001416438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340930578013557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117588604349696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969798215354054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419021630608266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276385365580745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881764670079099,0.0,0.10656604333655777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088727756131427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818137658962393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.514205475766648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068872956503177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669829677374899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203646114678774,0.0,0.0,0.13172602753887674,0.09416431789208582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280784971945024
bpd,themarcelim,2019/10/29,"deleted Instagram and feels ""forgotten"" by some FP? I have been diagnosed a few days ago, and have deleted instagram and facebook back in january, to boost my productivity and clear some ideas from my mind.

So far, I don't really miss these social medias, but using Tinder to get some dates, I fell like I'am easy forgotten by some dates/FP, like not answering me anymore.

I try very hard to not seem too much clingy or attached, specially in the beginning, but I feel that without an Instagram account, they don't get to miss me.",10.879242424242427,7.889180333333332,10.272601010101011,65.4955681818182,58.79797979797979,14.74848484848485,42.93181818181819,13.023866798666859,5.456533333333335,419,18,76,12,4,136,68,99,0.043,0.789,0.16899999999999998,0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,22,14,8,0,0,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,3,10,3,10,13,6,9,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,6,7,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22437666842406212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510282114415001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946345760307241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324223168361146,0.0,0.0,0.256912686501004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559713649948177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644907561773792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674687418200265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28574302106728583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473244621337017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25558025193469025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860732040797951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215592015089814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304320309172043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25802518374158545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718526772541536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861544358028615,0.0,0.2088514962817087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439998009771737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prehistorictiddies,2019/10/29,"What meds are you guys on? Do you think they work? I personally am prescribed gabapentin which is actually a seizure medication (anticonvulsant), and I feel like it definitely helps me behavior wise, maybe not so much depression wise. Just curious about everyone’s experience with medications",8.496063829787236,11.705900680851064,8.575478723404256,54.50875000000002,63.46808510638298,14.061702127659574,41.53723404255321,12.602617957971056,7.046621276595744,240,14,35,11,4,78,44,47,0.0,0.644,0.35600000000000004,0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,3,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.25588157654169863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584324304086945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505552817454533,0.0,0.2564941407862469,0.0,0.0,0.13258251919972072,0.18732466323409813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596316011569289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575551233730688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810378321053986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634277011888947,0.0,0.2912589772317486,0.5283030175652101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192756358922901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289538420209744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801518307811314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089382379340045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ASPDepileptic,2019/10/29,DAE sexualizes their FP (provided they're not your SO) Because it kinda happens to me. Friends for six years and I'd do him bad. But he's never shown the slightest hint of sexualizing me so... *Shrugs*,0.7807692307692307,3.3174761794871803,2.98089743589744,85.26826923076926,94.89743589743591,5.676923076923077,24.448717948717945,7.1686216300943375,1.4289794871794868,157,7,31,3,6,53,37,39,0.086,0.8370000000000001,0.076,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490592329976397,0.3278515386660724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41552024642715457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755945656253879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148017849023901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34633998766005514
bpd,court_4_short,2019/10/29,"BPD causing issues in relationship I know BPD can cause problems in relationships but I've never used my BPD as a reason for issues in a relationship, but lately my mood swings have gotten worse and I've started to act out towards my boyfriend who is also my FP. I just get really snappy and upset for no reason at all and then it makes him upset, when he gets upset it makes me spiral. I've spent so many nights crying because I feel like I'm constantly fucking up all the time. I guess I really just need someone else who struggles with this to give me some advice because I love my boyfriend to the end of the earth and I feel awful for putting him through so much, but I'm also exhausted of stating at my ceiling for hours at night crying myself to sleep.",10.01469298245614,6.473314592105265,9.73868421052632,70.3624561403509,60.97368421052632,11.975438596491227,38.49122807017544,9.2995712137729,3.4844175438596494,606,20,115,7,6,199,93,152,0.22899999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,4,5,1,3,4,1,7,3,28,21,14,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,2,2,18,2,22,19,4,23,0,0,0,2,10,9,1,2,12,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119677315484117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326159427226946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396956575795994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329342257463489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354135602096606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382191322087148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517248305017477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571815403548656,0.0,0.10148521378856018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587171479574185,0.08185705809290253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592876541749577,0.11972822611043167,0.1099170311537006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622445816744576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283971280287802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918666747411474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297100475734545,0.0,0.12925294113286814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597874109658072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341429196334784,0.0,0.15296810365411376,0.11616767318239495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423059835111006,0.08496074243128675,0.08837232904700631,0.0,0.0,0.21505398204392764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963903646531724,0.0,0.11518607144352598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680770665536247,0.23561776442875024,0.0,0.36905300250366896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466426563590505,0.0,0.09708454687501794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110138693910816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197854790834292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681340355689508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896164099836854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167683540164691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dolphinbutterfly,2019/10/29,"DAE feel like a baby in an adult's body? Feeling fragile, and desperate for kindness and comfort, but at the same time hating to be so fragile and needy. Being terrified of people getting angry, and of them not liking me anymore... Feeling at times unable to cope with the demands of the adult world around... Panic attacks, and at other times feeling weirdly cut off and detached.. This stuff is really coming to the surface for me at he moment, and I know it goes back to babyhood, when I would have lain in my cot hearing my parents' angry voices, seeing their angry rejecting faces (some of the time), and being scared of traumas like being accidentally put in bath that was way too hot again. Later on the physical and emotional abuse started, and I became a very messed up child, constantly fantasizing about having a loving family where I was a little child or baby again. And later still I ended up in a mental hospital and with classic BPD behaviour, which is very much like a child who hasn't grown up inhabiting an adult's body.

 Does anyone else have the same stuff? And how, if at all, have you dealt with the traumas at the root of it?",7.3040277777777805,7.190945050925926,7.491111111111113,73.415,63.76851851851853,9.607407407407408,32.814814814814824,9.075114841892004,2.874137037037037,905,32,155,13,12,294,134,216,0.27399999999999997,0.637,0.08800000000000001,-0.9957,1,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,1,2,0,11,17,3,2,17,0,14,4,3,2,1,34,26,19,0,2,4,1,7,4,0,1,0,2,1,6,9,18,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,10,0,0,2,10,12,7,32,19,5,39,0,1,1,1,14,20,0,3,19,115,21,0,0.0,0.1569846550433446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139922474942992,0.09264343463956368,0.13575656519660054,0.0,0.11794844957080255,0.0,0.15073194601067666,0.0,0.10188031159131734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29434367563373043,0.16687254406671584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413252576982978,0.0,0.1431797934299667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594707960853848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068239187882777,0.14903880031378292,0.11735105336744844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490429198255312,0.0,0.26797337817315897,0.09465430119481462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922305687382313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081117014567178,0.0,0.0,0.1493312526229441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797293019289106,0.07281566904196729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589210383910301,0.1327945826438207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958171680489398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352358062130992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739891234665217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155454083122092,0.1471197795347022,0.0,0.0,0.09185520157748654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331938546763909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848795522782264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265039413152155,0.0,0.10558118984106957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378049108409328,0.0,0.1058105068059706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033496604670969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090350995486552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186441479353033,0.0,0.10516819356072302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412049411822274,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,baby_enby,2019/10/29,"i feel so unloved no matter what logically, i know i'm loved. but i can't feel it. i just don't know how i am supposed to live like this for the rest of my life. i don't know if i can be fixed. maybe i'm just wrong. but i can't stand it. it makes me want to die.",-2.9320312500000014,-1.4002976406249985,0.25187500000000185,107.505625,95.71875,3.825,12.6875,5.148860815047168,-1.74380625,197,3,61,1,8,69,41,64,0.209,0.66,0.131,-0.7908,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,2,0,15,17,5,1,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,10,2,4,16,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32579125623725264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174468348388415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175537321272703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172543834741845,0.15336162246927898,0.0,0.27719018373423226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833179755623245,0.0,0.20953880082770102,0.0,0.3153669520538983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515352202343888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432136624049383,0.0,0.0
bpd,ihaveADHD69,2019/10/29,"I hate this. I cant take it anymore Why is it that  i always meet someone and instantly ""start feeling in love"". I fucking hate it. I get too clingy even if they just start sparking a convo or something. I want to be in relationship but im too broken for that emotionally. I hate myself, i want to start over life or just fucking die of some fucked up incurable cancer or disease.",1.7261842105263163,4.062584250000004,3.4860526315789464,86.98986842105263,81.5,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.2411631578947366,297,12,59,4,8,99,53,76,0.35100000000000003,0.606,0.042,-0.9873,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,6,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,12,18,6,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,10,1,8,17,1,7,0,0,0,4,4,4,3,5,3,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339502172776614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090821994007604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788546462165656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385164647817754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382444852652936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871368403090638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779577793903406,0.09003698044395869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104300488950679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614942074047572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172403056747814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553743483247892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502135516236445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601735501090798,0.13267051124985665,0.0,0.0,0.3659349625582496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957311384964496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032931642163983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555039017819749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lisawe10,2019/10/29,"Any one else an only child with emotionally unavailable parents? I’m still quite new to BPD, I’ve been to therapy for a little while and my therapist recommended I see a psychiatrist and they mentioned that I have some of the characteristics of BPD. I feel like a lot of what I have been struggling with for a long time is the loneliness of being an only child with emotionally unavailable/ insensitive parents, no other family, and not many friends. 

After talking to the psychiatrist and doing some of my own research on BPD I feel like I do have so many of the symptoms. I was wondering if anyone else was in a similar situation and feel like there is a correlation between the two?",5.245078124999999,7.198610851562503,6.733250000000003,69.58675000000002,69.390625,10.4325,32.33125,10.577609850970193,3.941331875,551,25,95,17,10,188,76,128,0.1,0.826,0.07400000000000001,-0.5129,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,13,0,12,1,0,0,0,17,18,8,0,1,2,2,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,4,10,4,18,13,4,9,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,5,9,74,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669325856039124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913953732221483,0.13062207221870611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816836107521287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129924746460424,0.28680391124780397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018024634126462,0.0,0.1933787027485588,0.27322305072852204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849355738799212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684622651587834,0.12777211576643838,0.0,0.11281902502791305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083820465721182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584968382885636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312451061491135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638622548498749,0.19391413201047528,0.0,0.0,0.28311102950125616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355945618050772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158796949808543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432969721536324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180861339185884,0.0,0.0,0.13327359827260402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325043325484094,0.0,0.1024665347373198,0.0,0.0,0.14578867242589796,0.14801835191965929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433674576419359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453300907574184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382505882459539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emotionalmach1ne,2019/10/29,"Replacements for the endorphin high of fighting? I feel disgusting when I fight with my SO but I also feel thrilled, powerful, manic, etc. I definitely don't seek fightings out for this feeling, but I think it contributes to the way things escalate. And aside from fighting and sex, my life is pretty mellow. Does anyone have recommendations on replacements for that thrilling feeling (preferably not drugs)?",7.094019607843138,10.123124676470589,6.182941176470589,70.91990196078433,66.94117647058823,9.827450980392157,36.333333333333336,10.125756701596842,4.515227450980391,330,17,48,9,6,100,54,68,0.105,0.5820000000000001,0.313,0.9633,1,0,1,0,7,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,5,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,13,8,7,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,7,2,9,8,1,5,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435055671517792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616255663011087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455055305137921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253414239646463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128801902829687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5674049453775949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29640963856413594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815618936350296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854136235807061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863806531311464,0.17976096387457285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268239304063595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sendmeyourcatsbeans,2019/10/29,"No passion, no hobbies Heya
I'm not sure whether it's my huge lack of identity and years of depression/bpd, but I dont have any passions. I dont have hobbies.

 I had to stop my flexible part time work (uber driver) because of anxiety, and I sit around all day and have no hobbies or interests. My major depressive episode isnt helping, but I was reflecting and realised I haven't really had any for a long, long time. I literally dont have dreams or a dream job. I dont think I have since I was a kiddo.

I mainly watch YouTube and mess around on my phone, I do a lot of cleaning and if I can focus, I read. My friends live quite far from me. I'm really pretty broke.

I'm not sure if this is a 'does anyone else'post or a, please advise post. I'm just so lost.",1.4924844720496893,3.064106664596274,3.5533850931677016,90.06933229813667,78.62732919254658,7.084472049689442,25.16459627329193,7.957251820313856,1.3206571428571436,587,22,133,10,14,200,93,161,0.235,0.631,0.135,-0.9325,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,0,0,6,0,18,2,0,0,3,27,24,15,0,3,11,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,1,2,3,0,0,11,4,0,0,5,1,20,6,10,19,6,14,0,3,1,2,4,5,0,6,7,82,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781000434700921,0.0,0.10017586427929888,0.0,0.0,0.0915628027808597,0.0,0.0,0.233145298819643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982548438936392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492607275805746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445147225034283,0.0,0.11278644944407305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459462426579188,0.0,0.6138864676325206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117111263101104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777256268482474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994698508275696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156306404712606,0.23177203851124964,0.0,0.0,0.14294664149995248,0.11132842118528324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180534259615935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374301983419915,0.0,0.0,0.25082648388019363,0.13322252613259053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392807108234931,0.13098474746651312,0.0,0.16777896319616667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832262302315218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947948728666693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468363512705472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839070308100697,0.0,0.0,0.15271519229843464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533265780532543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432706276400721
bpd,TheLevixian,2019/10/29,"toxic pattern in relationships I started dating my boyfriend in July of this year, some events happened and now we're living together. I'm starting to notice patterns that I had in previous relationships. getting upset when my partner falls asleep, constantly overthinking, outbursts, self harm urges when upset, ETC. this past week has been rough, trying to gather medical records to apply for disability. I've been constantly high and low within minutes. I haven't been able to get out of bed for months. I'm not sure how I can help myself control my patterned behaviours and high&lows. any advice? dbt skills?",6.131415094339622,9.198559688679246,5.798716981132077,72.3684528301887,70.0377358490566,8.390943396226419,33.241509433962264,9.120678840339163,3.6516596226415095,501,24,71,11,10,155,81,106,0.12300000000000001,0.852,0.025,-0.8563,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,0,0,7,2,1,2,1,9,14,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,8,1,13,10,2,21,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,13,41,11,0,0.1759482374355378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193458127363234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063984175100807,0.0,0.11965083497831575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38027507582263903,0.19734090946625693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962287945567181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838513841287504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559044528626853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793439472337272,0.3717979461584277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536551717672198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724933852290664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044020447694566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031823449742547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796250159026938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778051204321597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355238453000652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490741361149636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582913152113535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945730367309446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113506303671242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133048962189238
bpd,Girlfriendproblemsss,2019/10/29,"BPD triggers Boyfriend went to visit family out of the country. Day 1-5 I was normal to my boyfriend on the phone, I want him to enjoy his visit. On the inside? I am tormented. Helpless.

Day 1: im anxious. Poped an ativan. Slept all day
Day 2: depression. Crying. Another ativan.
Day 3: nail biting. Emptiness. Aggravated. Drunk
Day 4: nails bleeding. Fatigued. Regret for taking benzos. Got drunk. 
Day 5: shopping spree, shoplifting, speeding, percocet, masturbated 5-6 times
Day 6: binge-purge. Smoked weed. Later on, broke down over text to my boyfriend. Guilt.

I dont fear abandonment like a traditional bpd, but I feel lost and helpless in the abstance of him. Its different when I know he is in town and i dont see him for a couple days, because I know I can go see him anytime. But out of the country, I feel alone and highly impulsive. 

Can anyone relate?",0.7076811594202894,2.9723793229813715,2.480639751552797,86.83628053830229,103.59627329192548,4.8795859213250505,22.757971014492753,6.588339656340683,1.2033625672877846,665,28,118,11,30,218,104,161,0.20600000000000002,0.752,0.043,-0.9668,1,1,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,1,1,12,0,2,8,0,7,5,1,1,1,17,20,6,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,4,3,1,4,2,10,0,0,5,4,17,2,18,15,1,28,1,8,2,0,9,11,0,0,14,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488605263594685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644020036059944,0.0,0.1362227555121231,0.0,0.08431337773427917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350535385259266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037363175516098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342111928112854,0.13245309883001688,0.699885739342269,0.0,0.10385665604891424,0.0,0.0,0.12598198701020116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826412039577864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367349226126765,0.13568769389208754,0.12193924342586747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852923653436642,0.0,0.09644002861182167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740095892746434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024869532075514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253686098308415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891002259941022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162893461744815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814425309464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217566307506367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066226991430174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031203339656064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112208381171843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178024433513578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SheenDean,2019/10/29,"I’m doing fine It’s fine. My work is fine. My bills are paid. Everything is fine....
So why does nothing feel like it? Why doesn’t anything really, truly make me happy? I hope i can figure out why I’m here. It’s nice to get on this thread and talk to people, but that doesn’t make me happy. My boyfriend doesn’t make me happy. Education doesn’t make me happy, so, what does? 
I don’t know, but I hope the answer comes to me soon. I, somehow, feel like I’m running out of time.",-1.0712605042016818,1.005903274509805,1.3651540616246507,98.25176470588237,94.68627450980392,4.090756302521008,14.148459383753499,5.773587663045528,-0.9546717086834732,362,7,86,3,14,122,55,102,0.038,0.674,0.28800000000000003,0.9795,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,5,13,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,4,0,18,25,5,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,13,13,7,24,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,4,45,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116674363657087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213249039974508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481484658584793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742436465139642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337830437189933,0.20257793217130726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407515317879765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6037175683187623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816426922238938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791958462527898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853487873981568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785618839519886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604348761888635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982936673762333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082906939833517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113958862558437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826741239498346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838081404197089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321885922734657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,odysseyx19,2019/10/29,"Please help me learn how to deal with my undiagnosed BPD wife.... is there any hope of saving our relationship? My common-law partner (31F) and I (34M) have always had a lot of fights and turmoil in our relationship. She admits she suffers with depression and anxiety, which have contributed greatly to the ups and downs she experiences throughout the 9 years we've been together. I also strongly believe she has **undiagnosed borderline personality**, which causes her to lash out at me constantly at the smallest things. She has admitted this possibility herself, but won’t go through with seeking treatment for it, arguing that, although she may have this, the problem is actually me and she’s justified in having bouts of anger where she reacts violently at things I do or don’t do. I find myself **always stepping on eggshells** around her to avoid confrontation. She always has to be in a position of control in the relationship. If we fight about something, she won’t let it go until I apologize and take the blame for whatever it is.

What throws me off about whether she's actually borderline, is that she doesn't seem to have any fear of abandonment. In fact, throughout our relationship, she has threatened to leave me on a weekly basis. She'll pick out my flaws and shred me to pieces, saying she's had enough of the relationship. I somehow am always able to convince her to give me a chance to prove myself. Our whole relationship has been a time extension for me to prove myself worthy of her love.

Things are calm for a few days, and then **the smallest disappointment she experiences caused by me, she'll go bezerk**. She loses all ability to control her reaction, and will start spouting everything that comes into her mind. She'll yell and attack me with all sorts of hurtful words, and sometimes physically. Something as small as forgetting to get something she wanted from the grocery list is more than enough reason for her to go off on a rant about how I don't deserve her. We live in a small apartment and she'll go into a **negative self-talk mental tunnel**, saying things like ""our relationship won't work, I need to leave this relationship, he doesn't deserve me, I do everything for him and he doesn't appreciate it"", etc. I've learned the best I can do in these situations is stay quiet and in my space, because any attempt to talk to her or address the things she's saying only escalates her anger. It's almost as if she had no skills to sooth her frustrations without finding someone to blame it on. Usually it's me, but often it's also her parents, coworkers, etc. 

I love this person and want to work in our relationship, but it seems like I'm always climbing a steep mountain with her. Would appreciate any perspectives from others who may have seen or had similar experiences. Thank you all for reading.",5.3190239238912485,7.3103709177820315,5.900365620482209,75.47991279205337,69.26768642447419,9.079494473721027,31.302942685258593,9.562709236259073,3.1363089959427324,2262,97,392,52,41,732,248,523,0.16399999999999998,0.736,0.1,-0.9903,1,1,3,0,2,0,77.0,8,1,0,10,12,31,9,3,21,0,48,2,0,9,6,80,71,34,0,8,10,2,0,2,1,11,0,5,1,3,27,28,0,4,11,1,0,9,11,19,0,0,7,6,77,12,79,51,13,49,0,6,1,2,79,30,0,15,11,297,104,5,0.0626417977270354,0.0,0.1222587167872595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272671183469164,0.0,0.0,0.10018924602090408,0.26061496919341504,0.0,0.0,0.17039428213263108,0.0,0.04792080380304184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576448080940815,0.0,0.07126408817804293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038185858474255034,0.0,0.0,0.07057585491694263,0.0657387020227242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788951513571148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287007634859998,0.0,0.05396036205800588,0.0,0.06769352943658259,0.140516205382091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039877730731005,0.0645809428644656,0.05395328859237021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945144452012372,0.13972432615410985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259681726124972,0.18382709458686053,0.0,0.07048943789933935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450693654131858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032727753867520484,0.06009172036222904,0.17800388614534662,0.0,0.0,0.06906280313902925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041987476584006526,0.0,0.0,0.06221743941211137,0.0,0.0,0.06705934005526808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265723806273258,0.0,0.06405548228753788,0.0,0.061207236420014875,0.0,0.0553138550439081,0.0,0.0,0.07008014850524627,0.0,0.05325581633564025,0.11307333629544065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631281986007867,0.0,0.06325035853508447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644809928325983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764190991892403,0.0,0.0,0.06955630321891171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939280313694537,0.0,0.06876188292547487,0.0,0.07061921483417079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993974046519963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265874948713432,0.0,0.0,0.06440620104007118,0.0,0.6052846294842321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944581543059265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405347997861152,0.06534905669774746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041200523362709,0.0,0.0,0.05307619193380007,0.14467414887483895,0.06195433969865841,0.0,0.04433818684675913,0.06676782162062195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709883602281476,0.10069820836773216,0.0,0.05767215115610636,0.0,0.0,0.2080821347570776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652693600662745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899109022980683,0.0,0.07389551058484138,0.0,0.0502474716416366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993733009467036,0.0,0.06038445763109734,0.0,0.09120794961098387,0.0,0.0,0.044498935824306925,0.0,0.0,0.04033926394419792
bpd,bitchtits02,2019/10/29,"new diagnosis hi! so this is obviously my first time posting to this subreddit, but i was recently hospitalized for a (tw) suicidal spiral and i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. the hospital somewhat forced me into starting a dbt program and i don’t know where to go from here on. does dbt actually help?? i’ve heard very mixed reviews about it and i’d like to hear from people who’ve dealt with similar issues. Also this is somewhat unrelated but i’m really nervous about people i know judging me for the diagnosis because of how stigmatized it is.. is there any advice for how to deal with it?",4.161818181818177,6.823637350877196,6.2553269537480105,68.6738038277512,74.6140350877193,10.110366826156305,32.293460925039874,10.230975488527342,4.2642035087719306,494,25,81,17,11,172,78,114,0.14300000000000002,0.8009999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9097,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,2,1,16,14,9,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,2,7,1,17,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,6,56,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.2104880379246898,0.0,0.0,0.21077549107901888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249189563137776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668057649457153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148618990827546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223729531616421,0.0,0.21892675032640527,0.0,0.0,0.2472061344300158,0.0,0.18875689441712945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834707822842217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258492391311725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243104902509774,0.0,0.14457638352208485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22513043088049275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237081599634444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537809850613544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832039881193834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29907269151346444,0.18833729897103746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657700323263226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818028657251796,0.0,0.2129736329922442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267063485955334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359362542135885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577398640318346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797166813552093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nairuaton,2019/10/29,Diagnosis stories How did you get diagnosed and what were the events leading up to it? I’m extremely curious on this subject because I relate to most of the posts on here. Did you all have abandonment issues in your childhood that led to this?,6.3053623188405785,7.322868956521741,6.807391304347828,73.56731884057974,65.95652173913044,10.481159420289854,37.072463768115945,10.504223727775694,4.194602898550725,196,10,34,5,3,64,38,46,0.078,0.8690000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.2885,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,3,1,7,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,8,3,2,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,28,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177118106619817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5289955872709347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722995987417685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5439856222166777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4991547308804855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThirdWishForTits,2019/10/29,"Just want to feel some feelings Trying to find something to watch on Hulu
 . Any suggestions?",4.353750000000002,7.6950968750000035,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,80.25,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.855725,74,3,11,1,2,22,14,16,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.0772,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524880237490439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5241751427112403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473752091465011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990423793272037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35191788591988965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30572953697709965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scalpelboye,2019/10/29,"im obsessed with swallowing razors i dont know why but i love it so much. maybe its cus i think it might kill me, maybe its from the rush when i swallow them. or feeling nice knowing that theres something so dangerous inside me. i just cant stop doing it.",-0.041190476190475785,2.2499199074074103,1.840793650793653,95.605,90.66666666666666,4.567195767195766,20.67724867724868,6.1826913282559595,0.14834708994709,201,7,44,2,7,66,42,54,0.20600000000000002,0.585,0.209,-0.2035,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,10,9,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,2,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103367552806857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338878713233096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28602310575653245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29295547894287594,0.0,0.2910478643355959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389870459721324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320426006786613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280904733200784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465415754653576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038514625457544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137975437292368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966939041517404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389355216256558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anony56678,2019/10/29,"Can someone who has BPD explain what it actually is Someone referred me to this group but I don’t have BPD. I thought BPD was when you have a phobia of being alone but doing my research I’ve found a lot of different things but they all sound generic e.g. mood swings, feeling depressed, insecurity, feeling worthless. Which I experience, I’m sure a lot of people do but I don’t have BPD. So yeah I’m interested to get a definition from a human who actually has BPD.",2.1635869565217405,4.6943255760869596,4.415391304347828,79.79265217391305,81.28260869565217,6.723478260869566,28.76521739130435,7.908726449838941,2.1850878260869573,371,18,70,7,10,128,60,92,0.18,0.6829999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.7403,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,1,5,1,13,0,0,0,2,14,21,6,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,3,8,2,6,17,3,1,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.2562070416131396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595924786109226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8266687994934728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306525063243288,0.0,0.0,0.13715235477802784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841019250020014,0.0,0.0,0.13275115572160853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393407910259826,0.0,0.0,0.06858472931325757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320723643435111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100817589852686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224543897203277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372325779897253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721195438591929,0.0,0.0,0.10421610611918783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HotAssMess,2019/10/29,"5 Weeks in a php program and one completely new evaluation later... hello. Last Friday was my last day in a 5 week partial hospitalization program. 5 weeks of agonizing pain and hurt and my SO all but abandoning me while I was there (just stopped talking to me all together). 

Four hours is how long a psychological evaluation takes. We knew the first three. Bipolar 2. ADD. GAD. I’ve always known that. 

He asked me if I knew what borderline personality disorder was. Of course I burst into tears. 

It’s been two weeks since I got this official new diagnosis and holy fuck lmaoo things make SENSE. I’m reading “I hate you don’t leave me” and it’s so fascinating. 

Just wanted to say hello :)",1.4208461538461563,4.116532853846156,3.465,81.79750000000001,93.53846153846158,6.907692307692307,22.653846153846153,7.908726449838941,1.799953846153847,541,21,103,14,20,182,94,130,0.214,0.715,0.071,-0.9559,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,1,6,5,2,0,4,0,6,3,0,2,2,22,16,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,8,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,5,0,5,7,1,13,0,7,9,2,18,0,2,0,1,9,3,1,1,15,57,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667853745642913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356211619085275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722248190654695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593493179766723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825764926969155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972055451672935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185689960008078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137474520974654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217399952521658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176426554649914,0.0,0.17584508959547054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677897215738353,0.0,0.17392897017330802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536605720450227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096456749357188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172891212079753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130768939391902,0.0,0.1747855752722829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434266073365918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430572398154264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062715689518262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587862208116172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732977898333276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350403438877282,0.1320269887679589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912789060977532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045939518334054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688555441184718,0.0,0.5270419390043092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TaderDot_93,2019/10/29,What are some medications that you all use? My old psychiatrist prescribed me Prozac and depakote but I don’t feel like it’s working too good anymore. Any suggestions on different meds?,4.389545454545451,7.695809090909092,4.4335606060606105,77.97034090909092,79.30303030303031,8.148484848484847,32.49242424242424,8.841846274778883,3.5168242424242435,152,8,25,4,4,47,33,33,0.0,0.79,0.21,0.8156,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,6,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,15,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22831414896020155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329630413785043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35077597478410744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697598124630378,0.23985213052422674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28160208721963675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402519988979594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729305315020896,0.3382218927761781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35230178208396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899708465785973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24442211479406034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mollyganggang,2019/10/29,"I’m spiralling out of control It feels like I just got shot in the chest. My anxiety is killing me. This all started because I was reminded I’m not attractive and no one likes me for my personality anyways. It hurt a lot to know you’re not what everyone wants you to be. I want to be loved. But, I make it really hard for anyone to love me because I don’t talk to anyone but my friends because I’m too scared to make any new ones because what if I say something stupid?? IDK I’m so bad a normal human interactions. It hurts so much because I want to be normal. I want to have lots of friends. Im gonna have none now because my best friend is ghosting me. I dont want to lose her and if i do, Im going to lose all my shit. Shes one of the only ppl who im not so closed off to. I could tell her anything. but I hurt her and I didnt know what i did could hurt her. god i really fucked up this time. this is why i dont have friends and i cant keep the very few i have",-1.1848023994354264,0.7104804633027548,1.591009174311928,98.58975299929428,90.69724770642202,4.821736062103035,18.935074100211715,6.297961479604792,-0.2446060691601977,743,23,190,8,26,257,110,218,0.204,0.609,0.187,-0.8798,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,4,7,22,4,1,5,0,21,5,2,3,2,35,43,12,2,11,9,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,11,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,12,0,3,4,3,33,10,20,33,8,10,0,6,0,3,19,5,2,4,6,120,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310890512144171,0.0,0.07099368412363505,0.0,0.0,0.12977937839349066,0.0,0.07636857779062163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748623911664237,0.33942937839523635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739053345767966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408593249133656,0.14819054319410666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752775623361115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867679773424494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046923749346918855,0.06629814848254385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867960287335181,0.08579444683012148,0.0,0.0,0.0527418184290977,0.0,0.07422266372092033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313284174992812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973881260414861,0.0,0.3007279835573167,0.0,0.0,0.08248715580275508,0.10267225348984116,0.0,0.1020036908426214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067726047214927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764459405846106,0.0,0.157794790680818,0.16751581949162786,0.0,0.12389282348314593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822054012639385,0.0,0.0,0.0896292651533863,0.0,0.0,0.18185355799298997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865619536496547,0.07058050857686309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103159270056236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890335862269252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380029946830101,0.09291152557662496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526046704002808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144392421776047,0.0,0.0,0.06568611087057186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459116113804598,0.08111350472519736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054113903588030685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765718092135053,0.2736866934753896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837398519822881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Luna320,2019/05/18,"Workplace help I've set an appointment for my family doctor to try and get some mental help. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and general anxiety. Never seemed to fit right and I've been having a lot of problems with emotions. I'm not trying to self diagnose myself but I've seen many posts from this sub that captured my thinking perfectly so I wanted to ask for help. Had a bit of a breakdown at work and confined in my assistant manager alot, she asked if there was anyway they could help me, atleast until I can talk to the doctor and try to better understand myself. Im thankful that she asked but I don't know how to make the work day less stressful for me. I work in a retail job and have to deal with customers regularly, that's one of my tough spots but they can't take me off the floor. I've had clashes with coworkers and how there work is done and how they talk with me. She said she could ask coworkers to give me more space and it sucks because usually it's not the coworker but a situation or the way something is said or something. Like if someone stares at me, stand off to the side and just stare, rage boils up until I want to scream WTF DO YOU WANT but it takes everything to keep the anger in, it usually comes off as grumpy, irritated or just plain pissed out if I can't keep it contained. Dosent matter who either , could a stranger or my FB, just silently standing there staring at me and it will light a fire in me.


Sorry for the ramble, has anyone any ideas to help with explosive emotions in the workplace?

---Confinded in manager about mental health and she asked if there was anything they could do to help with my stress and anger.",4.490818227593149,5.804229435045317,4.975456948640487,83.95549156596175,70.35951661631421,8.416968781470294,27.991062437059412,8.841846274778883,2.0675527693857,1337,47,264,24,24,426,172,331,0.16,0.731,0.109,-0.9653,1,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,4,6,13,15,5,2,18,0,23,7,1,4,2,69,49,33,0,12,19,0,1,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,11,22,1,4,5,0,1,1,6,11,0,1,10,9,32,4,47,34,8,31,0,1,4,0,29,19,2,12,7,178,43,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058031851515685975,0.0,0.06528230727004859,0.0,0.0,0.05966937314342857,0.0,0.07022479566522741,0.0,0.3988912627220552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202043263991889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547333627390174,0.0931655249343839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350997180164591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27253749948982753,0.0,0.0,0.05503508255724778,0.08797834387744306,0.07350033564948558,0.17322981639936208,0.0,0.0,0.0978031995091068,0.1746913642215792,0.0,0.08732902601344195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919845010792432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669508270656168,0.0,0.08044780328491734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458487994106588,0.08186269515003122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907088734259508,0.0,0.0,0.3431961649621278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963346959448255,0.09217823092122528,0.0,0.0846834621295302,0.15170227936248445,0.0,0.0,0.04689879367769099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169117896628734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725501721596718,0.0,0.0,0.05696287966331912,0.08651797374986403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199855308769313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658168889437819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782632575580439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172892597402055,0.0,0.0,0.08165565358249989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287703684362917,0.1623494010370815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768728541975571,0.08902474208663791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592197535029942,0.0,0.0,0.0723054706007763,0.13139265192209318,0.0,0.09552739832364666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550569927650605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832508811581558,0.13718074110827808,0.0,0.07856652630811334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468028258970907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381396069181382,0.0,0.0,0.08883846710316183,0.0,0.0,0.18797253776415185,0.0,0.1510013098185092,0.06773626440783109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850440390974424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDAnony,2019/05/18,"DAE Always think the worst and end up ruining a potential relationship TL;DR Convinced myself she was interested, accused her of playing games, most likely ruined any future.

So there was this girl in my class, and she gave me her number within the last month of the semester to study. We studied several times, and the conversations were never related to anything but the class material. However, as we got closer to the final exam, she suggested we talk more and hang out after the semester is over. I agreed, of course, because I found her attractive and much of my self-worth is undoubtedly linked to whether or not someone will date me. But I digress. 

Fast-forward a few weeks, and we've been talking on and off. The conversation isn't going that well, and I'm getting the impression that I'm doing most of the talking. Before our brief interlude, she had mentioned that she had broken up with her long-term boyfriend, and was going through a rough time. I tried to play it cool and told her I was there if she needed anything. After a couple ""lol""-only replies, I decide to give her some space. And frankly, I hate one-word replies, even if I'm failing to give her much to respond to. Today, she texts me again, wondering where I've been, and I immediately jump on the offensive. Referring to her one-word replies, I tell her that I don't want to play the games ""people inevitably play when they're interested in someone else."" Naturally, this comes off as accusatory, and before I can bite my tongue - or thumbs, in this case - she replies in an upset manner and says ""ttyl."" We all know what that means. 

So now that I have completely ruined any chances of a future relationship (one that I convinced myself she wanted, despite a fresh breakup), how have you all recovered or dealt with it?",6.944550898203595,7.4256715089820435,6.856532934131737,75.64917065868264,64.44910179640718,9.913532934131737,34.065269461077854,9.766711354998122,3.23718011976048,1420,58,255,27,20,451,187,334,0.11199999999999999,0.782,0.105,-0.6606,1,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,5,1,0,1,11,21,2,1,19,1,18,0,0,1,4,50,39,28,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,13,22,0,0,8,6,0,6,4,8,1,1,13,3,45,13,37,25,10,39,0,4,0,0,43,16,0,9,18,178,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776547844499154,0.0,0.0,0.17614703210587712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131568959733759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789501332376806,0.0,0.22041263560121008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156427914028087,0.1357922785251416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330405326787007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819178126650787,0.0,0.11471038239962313,0.0,0.0,0.08554234314693486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187553928969868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200469832807647,0.0,0.0,0.06766537748922946,0.24848200452416205,0.14721083761911374,0.0,0.10358365356104596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786761532141872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117714754834399,0.10557066239187354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327367857564795,0.0,0.0,0.1146152351044807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107800124533032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337631664434173,0.0,0.1904144216858132,0.09603250453365436,0.09988867619324188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632847839617697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978824642805204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780977278202408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029942105226717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511066503120062,0.14631321575913708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219472474489339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122937633884088,0.11320037238449203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298692219293104,0.0,0.0,0.15104054640708087,0.0,0.12276350781205612,0.12375555167279675,0.0,0.08793106002644911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278065334770452,0.0,0.10388779353064367,0.0,0.11644805141444454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045169838351582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blackcherrybadluck,2019/05/18,"DAE feel like they will never be able to be healthy for the people they love? CW: Suicidal ideation, eating disorder, substance abuse

I couldn't handle it anymore, and I got it into my head that he hated me, wanted to cut off the relationship, but didn't have the balls to just do it and be honest (once again). He was ignoring me (I think in order to establish boundaries), but the lack of clear communication allowed me to make all kinds of things up in my head. He has major depressive disorder and already struggles with feelings of worthlessness, and I knew I was hurting him because he felt nothing he did or said to show me he loved me was enough.

I have blocked him or begged him to block me for ""our own good"" because I could ""feel it coming on"" (""it"" being when the emotions take over and I can't stop it) before, but this time was different. Because we have broken up in the past and he begged for me back every time, I convinced myself that I *had to* end the relationship on the worst terms possible so he would never feel inclined to contact me again, and that I, also, would never feel this hurt again. I called him and said things I have never said before. I crossed lines I never thought I would cross. I really went below the belt, and had never shown such a lack of restraint. But what scares me most, is that, in part, it was intentional. I went out of my way to hurt the person I would do anything for in this world, someone I would lay my life down for if it meant he could live. I kind of thought that he would know my anger was out of my love for him because of my intense feelings of neglect, but obviously, he didn't take it well, duh. But this time... he even deleted all his social media (not blocked me, he deleted it all), blocked me on Steam, blocked my phone number (I'm pretty sure, but can't check), even unfollowed me on Spotify. He has been struggling a lot with his depression as well, and I am worried sick about him. But I know that if I really care about him, I can't contact him.

I'm so angry at myself that I could want do this to the person I love most, and not be able to stop myself. I feel unworthy of any love I've ever received. I can't get out of bed. I only think and dream about him. I pray to a God that I don't believe in that he forgives me and comes back, but I know I don't deserve it. I want him to be happy, but I wish that the person he would be happy with was me.

I know that I have been immensely emotionally abusive to him, but I know that by contacting him and trying to apologize and convince him that I will go to therapy and change in order to make the relationship work is only further emotional abuse on my part. I have been reading about how people with (ex)BPDSOs feel, and it hurts that people feel they have to ""take their lives back,"" and that their BPDSO has ""no empathy"" and ""never truly loved"" them. The reason I feel these intense back and forth moods is *because* I love him. I can't imagine my life without my FP. I have so much empathy for him. When I hurt him, and God knows I have (over and over and over), it makes me want to throw up, it makes me want to die. So why do I fucking do it?! I see what he does/has done for me, and I see that he is hurting, and I see that it's my fault. I want him to be happy, and I hate that by being with me, he never will be.

The worst part of this is when I can *see myself being irrational* but I am just a bystander to my own body. I cannot regulate my emotions. They control me and it is exhausting. I am so fucking tired. I just want it to be over. I wish I could be normal. I go from one extreme to another. I am so filled with rage that I even have outbursts at acquaintances, or I break down crying on the way to class and have to skip. In the past, I have been known to sleep all day for days and then fall into hard drugs and not sleep at all. I don't want to do that ever again, but now, I binge, then restrict/fast for days to punish myself. He was the only person I have ever shown my true colors to, and I hate who I have revealed myself to be. I hate that this is who I will be for the rest of my life. I wish I could turn off my emotions and run on autopilot for the rest of myself just so I never hurt someone again, including myself. I am scared I will never be able to love anyone ever again, and if I do, I worry I will never be able to love them healthily.",3.904469466808447,4.164432657488991,4.953622968251558,87.43112334801765,70.99339207048459,7.847972049217683,26.337991797053014,7.6298220110432995,1.197897250493695,3375,97,749,36,58,1111,298,908,0.19699999999999998,0.664,0.139,-0.9974,3,0,1,0,2,1,132.0,2,0,8,2,41,56,10,4,24,1,100,24,5,9,24,173,175,67,2,30,27,0,12,1,0,13,7,3,1,4,53,47,1,10,28,4,1,13,28,30,2,1,29,20,153,25,111,110,23,99,1,11,5,11,79,38,2,9,44,569,206,3,0.15942650398793665,0.14167075320813793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398277788546186,0.031873329409985884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027103872419891543,0.04179314752107695,0.0,0.0,0.03952706319412192,0.02786867960980435,0.0,0.032798607190894086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225891407559253,0.0,0.12148114635966885,0.0,0.06783010628843766,0.04490476895473867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427172644949361,0.0,0.0,0.04069807138085375,0.0,0.040636486508802416,0.0,0.042163025504798966,0.0686659082991033,0.0,0.0,0.04470259513331551,0.15911136347708746,0.0,0.04378063213471197,0.0771126795349609,0.0,0.06865690713743257,0.0,0.04136488523514699,0.04164169111643106,0.091358292817368,0.0,0.0,0.04078716631989476,0.0,0.0,0.04622103251521598,0.04078327861250308,0.0,0.224166698457046,0.03530114055997907,0.04118254900258987,0.0,0.07897477672264734,0.1442104001966945,0.03358092640464287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152707661691774,0.028473581575975918,0.03826861131071115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369361698619369,0.020823442061851074,0.0,0.04530287810078528,0.03342984690145797,0.03187698478186465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272843585142157,0.03570370825412303,0.15740066651702025,0.08180879381956853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867139724882275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300908534601131,0.1314249558427442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445574092640326,0.019471934226184075,0.0,0.07038826192515077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03388467813620245,0.3237494496196582,0.0,0.1064184293790397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02929920606994726,0.0,0.3381387575712064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905103111407575,0.0382435075832538,0.0,0.0,0.04244600590723335,0.02700788127314473,0.0909382802371769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948252586465225,0.07609531877071359,0.0828946981472477,0.13920507391534248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449323572435,0.0,0.040548517354626716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986741176601969,0.0,0.05106635040180913,0.04097924963658569,0.0,0.12837330118461945,0.0,0.0,0.11373833519594324,0.0,0.0798068713352067,0.0,0.12704228265933187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977081995123401,0.040628810940659336,0.06754077973520932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664384799010457,0.0,0.08333359858665891,0.0,0.04359667984853376,0.0,0.037564398318363786,0.0,0.08990166759427648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557952536694989,0.0,0.052957942604431686,0.05107703319769128,0.0,0.06328341802655882,0.06972215741201195,0.04580932843699399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02706003279430996,0.04335256396645093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880677653007449,0.06327266908634298,0.0,0.0,0.07167178671928973,0.07389498321130639,0.03596440566067435,0.0,0.13749945873617858,0.038420365174077264,0.0,0.029016098415929063,0.08095267677320657,0.0,0.19819102496054702,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hellboundcyborg,2019/05/18,"DAE have step children? I have two and it’s hard. It’s fuckinggg hard and I find myself just hating the weekends and completely depressed. I don’t want any responses saying I should leave because right now I have no intentions of doing that. Just looking for someone to relate to. 
Currently waiting on a therapist. Hoping that will also help.",2.7042857142857137,5.731788952380952,3.622539682539685,81.55857142857145,88.04761904761904,5.974603174603175,27.63492063492064,7.3871296695380915,2.2755587301587297,276,13,43,5,9,88,49,63,0.201,0.691,0.10800000000000001,-0.6161,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,12,4,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,4,6,1,5,10,0,6,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,3,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979147232831451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682991864729352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086536556397834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594847012960265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131596075640028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261980158513945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433982687157271,0.2443415069507831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658848656820384,0.0,0.0,0.2458097609011781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26205228211033804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078261805009312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113519678072938,0.0,0.19681105761655954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096943585603869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873506962919132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417581766392359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597384559830054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,m_j_4_u,2019/05/18,"Missing my close FP I lost my FP a few years ago. We were sexual with each other, never hooked up, just talked, sexted, traded pics, but she left. I tried to reconnect a few weeks ago but she is engaged and wants to not reconnect. I have been aching to have a FP that I could connect with again. It hurts so much to not have that comfort anymore.",3.5352857142857133,4.5132505285714295,4.030000000000001,91.105,72.28571428571428,7.314285714285713,24.0,7.554174236665415,0.8359428571428569,267,7,59,3,5,84,49,70,0.192,0.7609999999999999,0.047,-0.8694,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,10,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,7,6,4,9,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132751639260382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871210881297644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311541719706893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099317987713425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145588980396021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31603982591857216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128268393436442,0.0,0.22329181846851984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327011929042307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656168287971346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076344993710893,0.0,0.23223147225680224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864381699109049
bpd,leah_amelia,2019/05/18,"How do I handle my friend's BPD outbursts? (TW - Violence, overdosing, suicide) Hey everyone, so my friend and housemate has a form of BPD called schizo-affective disorder and it's a fairly recent diagnosis. It makes a lot of sense considering his behaviour over the last couple of years but in the last few months he's gotten really bad. He routinely wakes me up with his shouting and grunting noises, usually shouting stuff like 'fuck off' and 'go away'. He also has smashed his mirror and broken other items out of anger too. It's very, very distressing not just for him but also for me, as I'm sure you can imagine. 

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I want to be a supportive friend but I'm finding it hard at time not to just walk into his room as tell him to shut the hell up. But I know that isn't supportive nor helpful in dealing with the situation long term. What I can do to get him to control these outbursts if anything can be done at all? He started lithium and letamagrine (sorry, not sure about the spelling) yesterday but I understand that it can take a few weeks before he will see any effects. 

​

I have PTSD from a suicide attempt he made last year and there were multiple other friends of mine who also tried to kill themselves around that time too. 4 people in the space of about 6 months. I also had two friends in hospital at the time, one with a brain tumour and another with a severe spinal infection which he was very lucky to survive. Thankfully, they all survived, though in my housemate's case, he overdose seemed to make things worse for his mental health long term.

​

I'm reaching the point where I don't want to be in the house anymore. The moment he starts screaming, I get scared and want to just leave the house. I'm fed up of being woken up by shouting and aggression toward the voices he's hearing. But at the same time, I'm hesitant to leave him alone for long periods of time because I fear that the voices may tell him to commit suicide again. Please tell me if there's any good ways to manage this. How I do cope with the shouting and aggression? Is it possible for him to direct that anger elsewhere? Or am I just being massive offensive by missing the whole point?

​

Thank you so much everyone",5.273636363636364,6.5404459557109575,5.472780885780889,81.2953251748252,68.46386946386946,8.517202797202797,30.85011655011655,8.841846274778883,2.507894731934732,1781,71,329,30,30,563,223,429,0.19699999999999998,0.677,0.126,-0.9923,0,1,0,0,0,4,57.0,0,2,1,5,22,28,8,3,24,0,25,7,3,7,5,59,56,32,4,5,16,0,1,1,5,2,2,8,1,0,20,19,1,1,6,0,0,2,6,14,0,2,8,10,33,14,60,41,12,56,1,1,1,1,38,27,2,7,27,217,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726483988185827,0.0,0.20775031546580147,0.0,0.2814774061585804,0.3156677338298701,0.08833150081605798,0.0681019189282771,0.0,0.0,0.06440933532851108,0.0,0.0,0.05344531867929335,0.0578160278675218,0.0,0.0,0.06101924105442388,0.0,0.05422749595000896,0.03959069690325706,0.0,0.05526456696067202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635953281826569,0.07250161435248885,0.06631749274969936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284286277115985,0.0,0.07186190960382886,0.0,0.0,0.06695684310455978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443415272487562,0.0,0.0,0.06646267292098057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411805618168716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308270868481892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935979442473795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508869746409788,0.060041861252425034,0.06786358277460097,0.0,0.036910511825908515,0.054473923561743284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817917982212049,0.0,0.0,0.06903494131048286,0.07319926539566236,0.0,0.04353217462141749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987875406756002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718535222998433,0.0,0.035692819751695685,0.1588198496404032,0.0,0.13753763078826056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031729509852771225,0.0,0.0,0.17242644872515553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521507089598022,0.0,0.06145381408554103,0.08670439629356723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545065311383236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367912633966056,0.0,0.047743045805108485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400933286875925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502562698793988,0.0,0.0,0.07129159783680447,0.12279060127393562,0.0732172600474761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591881675467796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160629985182534,0.0,0.0641266931383702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502263413934943,0.0,0.05175383853157885,0.05912472492453238,0.0,0.07337089806577034,0.0,0.0,0.07300242731048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270213031803995,0.09193873265274363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743480413985471,0.2131223226312095,0.14740071435962998,0.12242234723175972,0.0,0.04883157839001135,0.0,0.17029793802569332,0.11958776088376405,0.0,0.0,0.04314747426042182,0.0,0.06380946678569661,0.0,0.18935371758343927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409431375383352,0.0,0.06344315449359436,0.06761144892386534,0.0,0.0,0.0715292375619906,0.16076264074810642,0.11492113359380038,0.05155139581579423,0.05209605072150597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251028911312568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618588711856084,0.0,0.0,0.3156677338298701,0.08364665014363709
bpd,helpfulHelper1,2019/05/18,"Is it common for people with BPD to better everything they do? My GF always finds the things that she did without me or before me to be better than the things that i did(holiday locations for example) every place she went to is atleast 10 times better than mine, or clothing is always more expensive/better in another way. Is this common for people with bpd?",7.120671641791044,7.6196156567164195,7.321604477611946,72.40389925373138,64.07462686567163,10.282089552238807,30.182835820895523,10.125756701596842,3.1067940298507466,287,9,47,6,4,93,45,67,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,3,12,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152350783319069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862959237622874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118750515397245,0.0,0.0,0.5025954953495197,0.0,0.0,0.4771506275146098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959950659390942,0.0,0.17024380170451422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313185818655055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626481625141155,0.0,0.1979097680580816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516923270088016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045577666653746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035747741705932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755997246499302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825998261945735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PetitePainter,2019/05/18,"what is going on?? he’s great, like, objectively great. But when we got together I was unstable. Sometimes he was a total asshole about it - other times very understanding. I loved him in an incredibly pure way and we moved in together after like, 5 days. My mental health proved to be too much for him. I never idealized him, but there was something about me even before I met him that worried me a bit. Just wasn’t healthy, haven’t been diagnosed but grew up taking care of my ill mom, which I would do again in a heartbeat as she’s a wonderful but sometimes troubled woman, and it fucked my head around a bit. I’m intensively working through it, it’s going very well, but -

During the breakup he seemed okay and I was absolutely distraught. We broke up ambiguously, and while he seemed to want to see me I could *not* understand why. And after he moved and still kept in contact I could *not* understand why. I completely blamed myself and felt this massive amount of guilt. I convinced myself that he was deserving of someone 100% happy and healthy. I kept trying to push him away and then pulling back. He even called me crazy. He moved on to someone else, which is whatever, I’m into people being in love, but... I tried to be his friend and it wasn’t good for me.

Anyways - more months of the melodrama, I feel awful, but still trying to be friends. We’re talking about relationship stuff, I had met someone really sweet who adores me and is incredibly patient. It’s mainly a crush, though. I ask for advice candidly, about being upset that I wasn’t healthy yet to date. He then asks for advice on how to deal with his current girlfriend who has BPD. I obviously still have feelings for this person and it stings a lot to (in my depressed mind) leave someone bc you feel like you’re a burden only to see the other still be unhappy. It feels cruel.

His ex before me had BPD, and he apparently just up and moved across the country. He sort of did something similar to me, understandably, but emotion wise it felt like betrayal. I *wasnt* healthy when we dated, and am still prone to intense but lovely relationships when I’m not depressed. I still can’t fathom him having feelings for me, or even think he ever did. He would literally have to spell it out for me, that’s how off base this is. I’m assuming his current situation is the same.

What’s up with this??? (btw I am in therapy, early 20s. situational depression, but I’m hella moody and intense without it)",3.1036950904392766,5.450705378435519,4.226035236081748,83.48546112285648,76.61099365750529,7.164275311252055,26.155931407094197,8.167268648758528,1.8062209913084333,1936,74,367,35,45,630,230,473,0.155,0.672,0.17300000000000001,0.8071,3,0,2,0,0,0,77.0,4,1,0,2,31,33,2,3,14,2,38,8,1,2,6,79,76,37,0,6,17,2,7,4,3,2,3,0,0,2,28,25,0,2,17,0,0,9,11,12,1,0,21,10,52,21,57,45,9,57,0,4,2,4,51,20,1,8,31,254,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364747573146987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216378799230605,0.13056384203881918,0.0,0.06560788252437952,0.05369520424726714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884091490690893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247324293328027,0.0,0.17589768223062685,0.0,0.07130456227328355,0.0,0.0711966632452637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321575994590135,0.0,0.0,0.11150765370937374,0.0,0.0,0.04503477825362112,0.07199199171764832,0.18043425195727572,0.07087630295044756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583342703382173,0.07854970895375879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836679955030687,0.06316552057868446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654153497730626,0.04988679320029743,0.1340961124561006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790146107822803,0.06455700384868365,0.0,0.0,0.07937235802815218,0.058570357741638525,0.055849684502059516,0.15397634444629016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433567210231974,0.0,0.0,0.07166605241340639,0.07422636272279932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394022416133836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646226462371472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936723928912459,0.1890737653169347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037253637432629,0.0,0.07050871489058999,0.08178442458162298,0.0557378936838612,0.29687430788608504,0.05133331857968981,0.0,0.053857446217932106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310910358639755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048411550110506095,0.060973140280200136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044735089879567806,0.0,0.0,0.14994325673545236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129144512096033,0.1271417979019175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569844066303177,0.0,0.0,0.2366680076580245,0.10751758094142128,0.13812794030643774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33459949340816364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993900746230183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250370871762301,0.05612696455985528,0.0,0.0,0.07985705451495544,0.0,0.0,0.04474444821103643,0.06860793298109642,0.0,0.040718620042122435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223060661346454,0.0,0.0,0.29078329534408043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523465130289555,0.04118773085397656,0.055428056170574266,0.0,0.0,0.06278584225206453,0.0,0.12602200134031954,0.0,0.0,0.06731393474350474,0.07572800121280616,0.05083730324871567,0.07091607767044775,0.0,0.09921090889090653,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayacctsa,2019/05/18,My husband told me tonight he's leaving me. He said he's been cheating on me with a coworker  and he's in love with her and I know it's my fault because he's been doing everything for me for years. I have no friends and no job and I'm pretty scared. I'm not really mad because he deserves to be with someone higher functioning but I don't know what I'm going to do. I've literally depended on him for everything and didn't feel safe going places without him.,2.2854081632653056,3.7433513673469374,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,76.14285714285714,7.757142857142857,28.5765306122449,8.472884824447931,2.070240816326531,366,16,78,7,8,126,58,98,0.132,0.7759999999999999,0.092,-0.4091,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,1,0,8,1,0,1,0,16,19,6,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,5,2,12,3,12,13,0,8,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,1,2,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841494105238881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189288984195638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784503550814147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006600420941551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649132497741929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312817735656718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561736591089244,0.0,0.0,0.2467829551525352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035092006626432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435040814670817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371116352043255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930787409306367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169887995218787,0.0,0.2333394535407456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974758359958052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270429203088732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466704594646067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500866882230672
bpd,Ledemure,2019/05/18,"Painfulness of the extreme emotions Do you ever just want to kill yourself just because of the fact that everything you feel will always be so extreme? 

Something not even that bad at all can make me feel so full of rage (or another emotion in a very extreme way) and I can even recognize that what happened isn’t that bad or maybe even not bad at all, but it still doesn’t help at all and I will still feel so fucking mad.

After recognizing patterns in my emotions and behavior since becoming extremely self aware, it just makes me wish I was dead so I can just spare myself all the pain, knowing I’ll always be like this.

But pretty much every aspect of bpd makes me wish I was dead so I don’t even know why I’m typing this :(",6.276917808219178,5.775195561643837,6.39873287671233,81.69207191780822,65.986301369863,9.217808219178082,32.63356164383562,8.472884824447931,2.3716054794520542,576,21,116,7,8,184,85,146,0.191,0.667,0.142,-0.9271,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,16,10,4,0,4,0,13,3,0,3,6,30,27,12,3,3,10,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,2,3,13,1,11,21,6,11,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,5,81,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20659657983072616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017648497510692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109667799173981,0.07567742351002851,0.13710800719182853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635583487446153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189380496728045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327985469556173,0.11229593909499,0.10459721798554593,0.0,0.11157320230872617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831378838889185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476972414588466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978069985073133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321153889227201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734765647242678,0.0,0.13645330079521625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065080290860572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486025442235834,0.0,0.12471998238503387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126059856639313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26419731090926324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262997350825375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950993999599428,0.0,0.0,0.10269373347307258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557261311571354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828414821221974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024323338570661,0.07322372827874382,0.09854024098686733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120212329249516,0.0,0.2855204307552833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vrylin133,2019/05/18,"I have a confession. This might haunt me. I was 15, called a friend, threatened and talked through hurting myself just so I can hear them plead for me. This happened to multiple people on different occasions over the course of a few years. A long time friend called recently, asked about one of those occasions and they said it stuck with them for a long time and traumatized them.  I'm going to be 27 and I don't know how I'm going to live the rest of my life knowing that I'm a piece of shit. People literally cried and begged for my life, while I was safe and listening to them sob. All the memories of hurting people who loved me came flooding back and I don't know if I deserve to forgive myself. Writing this fact about how I've treated these wonderful people makes me feel disgusted. 

Even this post sounds selfish and annoying, but I needed to get this off my chest to anyone who might understand.",4.580651223776222,6.034299573863637,4.842272727272729,84.45937062937067,70.30681818181819,8.597202797202797,28.311188811188806,9.057496981413335,2.2241421328671325,719,26,141,14,13,226,105,176,0.131,0.797,0.07200000000000001,-0.7269,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,5,0,8,13,3,0,9,0,9,5,2,3,2,31,31,14,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,2,2,4,0,0,11,10,0,1,8,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,5,5,22,6,22,23,4,15,1,3,0,1,20,3,2,4,8,95,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638253700837494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886393761574144,0.0,0.0,0.10599221564462023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815047878805594,0.1576548628126507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514132874630134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401585906885786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104353521316258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969720558051244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299322893543554,0.0,0.07201690942193162,0.0,0.1566779045964815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189348541702892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535828349234532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951260534532147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22726355980426485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472417756850052,0.0,0.0,0.12171727105379827,0.2439721852200305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440805212278545,0.0,0.0920108016562615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924577819473556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022083144612954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934055058500471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822499629854195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201481459191927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361026359782009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111958723054976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149313401829489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079241460207162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075390034392714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349868939893135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948408796288978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876591804547172
bpd,anonaccount9999,2019/05/18,"I think I have bpd but I refuse to go to the doctor for mental health. I know that self diagnosing is bad, so I’m not going to do that. But after hearing about and researching bpd I learned have almost every single sign of it and I’ve had someone tell me that it seems like I have it too. (?) Long story short, I have a phobia of doctors and doctor offices/hospitals/clinics. I’ve been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety a few years ago, but haven’t gone to or spoken to a doctor for mental health since then. I’ve tried multiple medications and nothing really worked for me so I just gave up there. I was just wondering if it’s okay for me to seek help and support through the bpd community even though I haven’t been properly diagnosed?",4.169097051597054,5.559274128378377,5.443759213759215,79.9975552825553,71.22972972972974,8.895331695331697,27.64373464373465,9.339509955726095,2.395816216216216,593,21,114,13,11,198,91,148,0.12300000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.085,-0.7724,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,1,12,10,0,0,0,23,23,15,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,1,7,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,6,1,13,3,17,17,3,10,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,5,6,77,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605541244761853,0.0,0.1198041787526341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152580100036987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989607088577387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520547246672222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304747756980127,0.3643023285967605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48983461850047105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902241131269029,0.0,0.10080354343747934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359906092359606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543476983375662,0.13484522706880506,0.0,0.08019350931862991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575211319577727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058451036875191924,0.0,0.0,0.10587940332157604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052672601490586,0.24114198778446505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147997238496998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664572753136724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891758154586137,0.12481269687092066,0.0,0.0,0.09896909709721252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137227665788992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357683215158755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457237969214507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666176139037642,0.11754765558571452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122906313935707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974664325203014,0.0871007994780002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704552409915323
bpd,hairykn33s,2019/05/18,"do people often tell you they find you confusing? i’m very inconsistent and i’m just wondering because i think it’s very likely that i might have bpd, depersonalization, etc.",4.803958333333334,7.517227312500001,6.270000000000002,69.10833333333336,72.75,9.266666666666666,26.291666666666664,9.725611199111238,2.901279166666668,142,5,24,4,3,48,26,32,0.068,0.932,0.0,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841715029518592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805136032453101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369472387806544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761351380308234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760213824450136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320504978789875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945419106872246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406899978240633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358835202480165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.498566573816365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276397305823374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Frothy_moisture,2019/05/18,"“A majority of our problems are your illness” My partner says this to me every so often, when we’re arguing. He’s said it for years. And at first I was like, “Okay. Yeah. Obviously I’m the problem here, because I’m the one with bpd, and bpd is causing our problems.”

Recently I’ve started to feel less and less like this is okay, though. It seems like when I try to point out he’s hurting me, he’ll blame my borderline and say I’m blacking him out when I’m just hurt. I’m not splitting.

He bases a lot of it on the definitions of bpd. He took a few classes and researched bpd, so he tells me often that he knows more about it than I do. When I’ll say something, at times he’ll hear it as being malicious even if it’s not. When I try to tell him it’s not he’ll say “that’ what your borderline does.” He’ll tell me that i’ll just use it against him later, cause thats what people with bpd do. He constantly interupts me when I’m emotional to tell me I’m not rational enough to be heard. He also tells me because I have bpd he has to “take care” of me.

(Tw for possible? Abuse. I’m also on mobile so I have no idea how to work this)

I don’t like it. I’m not a textbook. I’m a person who is capable of not splitting on my partner while still saying ‘hey, butthead, you hurt me.’ I’m a person who call tell my own thoughts and feelings. I’m a person Who doesn’t need to be taken care of. I’m a person!!!

It honestly feels like, at this point, he’s using my illness as an excuse to not work on himself. He just points the finger at borderline because it’s such a big issue, it has to be the majority of our problems. And I’m really, really tired of it.",1.2967230046948366,2.684133512676059,3.5838732394366235,90.44444835680756,78.66197183098592,6.7615023474178395,23.94600938967136,7.554174236665415,0.9475615023474182,1267,43,294,18,30,438,149,355,0.11800000000000001,0.7879999999999999,0.094,-0.914,0,0,1,0,1,0,45.0,3,3,0,3,23,18,1,0,15,3,17,4,1,5,1,43,53,24,0,6,11,0,4,5,2,4,3,8,0,6,26,11,0,0,7,0,0,1,10,8,0,2,6,13,30,10,38,39,9,30,0,3,1,0,52,14,0,5,20,174,56,5,0.0,0.08312140765383838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122047824485058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829628267147294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301415259130696,0.0,0.07163541321057866,0.0,0.14305402706889153,0.1441356407142757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581190641976182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061392525707384224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891417714489649,0.0,0.0724881748635712,0.0,0.04633627238989617,0.0,0.059108047565180726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641640930457777,0.05011826635941602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967323605699144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906902697784597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22530497915330536,0.07919569775949614,0.0,0.0732228923771214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038554984296733916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136930657580512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964270142138129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201854572433221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753838865824374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04863617818785945,0.2450242149711792,0.0,0.0,0.19895554919045835,0.07908846459927601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26851287163152704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988531859302708,0.0,0.06926893599752311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673283166498929,0.2789476894012243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386586593248242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054008229575980206,0.0,0.0,0.04965559485559763,0.0,0.056025337430909566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052747324282839146,0.0,0.3679078521687736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892627164287347,0.0556947005828268,0.0409075531647278,0.08063208059109596,0.0,0.0,0.07794404037168097,0.09526036811779454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118163047814645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214637348942072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517708750944384
bpd,shalikas,2019/05/18,"Should I tell fiancé of a BPD girl that she is cheating on him TL;DR
I have been in a strange relationship with a colleague of mine. We kinda fell in love, over a course of couple of months I figured out her condition. She, without any doubt, has BPD* but is not diagnosed. Now she has a fiancé, nothing changed between us, however, I am now fully aware of the situation. He's most likely the clueless, supportive type. I am certain he is a nice person, I of course got a certain version of their story that I don't think matches reality. Should I inform her fiancé? 
----------

I went through the (as I now understand) standard treatment of:
I am the only person she ever opened up to. 
Stories of abuse. 
She is only with her boyfriend because she feels ""thankful"". 
She periodically tries leaving him but he cries and so on and so forth. 

My goal was to get her help but with her push-pull cycles, you know how it goes. 
After some time I realised she is using even her declarations to get help as means as a carrot to keep my interest. 

Anyway, 4 įdays after engagement we had a beautiful evening together, things happened. We have a weekend getaway planned together. I had hoped that perhaps things will change after she got engaged but in reality it's the other way around. She is more, not less attentive towards me.  

I have come up with an exit strategy, I have shoved my feelings down the drain though with constant contact it's not easy. However, I will disappear from her life. Not because I want to but because I feel like I have to. I have been this emotional cushion for her for 4 months, she manipulates, she lies a lot. I am not judging her. If anything, she kinda strangely got used to consult with me before engaging in conflict with other people. We have made tremendous results together with fixing her other destructive relationships, making her confront clearly unjust situations, understand why things are happening the way they are, piece her life story together from the perspective of the disorder etc etc etc.  

Having that said, while one can have a condition, such behaviour is unacceptable to say the least. Currently the circumstances are not ideal because I have to see her at work every day. 

While it may seem like I have it all under control, as most of you (I hope) will understand, it's taking a toll on me as well. 

There is one moral dilemma that I am struggling with though. Should I inform her fiancé? It seems like I shouldn't because it's none of my business and also she trusted me (in a BPD person's kind of way). At the same time, to me, it seems largely unfair towards the guy who is most likely willing to sacrifice anything for her and has no idea what is happening. Any advice appreciated. 

I know in his shoes I would like to know. The official narratives right now is essentially, my task is to ""fight for her"", his task is ""to give her space to sort through her problems before she can actually commit"". 

* - she has a myriad of symptoms, I have consulted with professionals, they assured me that were a psychiatrist to hear those things, there's no chance she would not get diagnosed immediately.",4.742571835928932,6.75374919415808,5.540392629962714,77.3961735029612,70.8041237113402,8.45834612853696,31.28332236601593,9.079978658526878,2.9208292315566275,2469,110,431,51,47,804,276,582,0.12300000000000001,0.748,0.129,0.6365,3,0,0,0,2,0,94.0,5,2,3,5,19,30,4,2,31,0,57,7,1,8,7,96,98,23,0,12,14,0,3,6,0,11,5,3,0,5,26,22,0,3,20,1,0,4,13,7,1,2,12,7,91,23,78,75,16,50,2,0,1,1,74,24,0,16,25,339,117,6,0.0,0.08443806204376819,0.0695449285136715,0.0,0.0,0.06963990259992336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699106072319349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692608004934572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729100465210825,0.06344147776784835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721418869840334,0.0,0.12128352380827515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692695198537016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077907399687732,0.06138898919454246,0.0,0.07701277731709097,0.07993041081327834,0.0,0.07885401174450922,0.0782818962021411,0.04596040517528793,0.0,0.0,0.14466613258685684,0.0,0.0,0.0816765319140254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801641884319795,0.0,0.0,0.23843988868909274,0.0941404904793939,0.06446379956741309,0.06004432706890351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810205968546337,0.05091214650750744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169997671856476,0.06836444069876339,0.0,0.0,0.17099279011684218,0.0,0.0,0.07056413121405894,0.1890597582222885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032149110732048,0.0,0.09553563571537446,0.0,0.0,0.1415656074240713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804501683713612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334412434343024,0.0,0.07421213771990094,0.11749710145797057,0.0,0.0,0.07545996212235097,0.0,0.0,0.10067397724382836,0.20890058360859096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058744991482321,0.06431997076455677,0.0674332174633437,0.04757032982650694,0.0,0.0,0.07762911176208427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376701636679652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838124862670547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658280638610407,0.1084013739595088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940658185796015,0.18667907386858326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819153799943578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302513080120453,0.0,0.06086041822183985,0.06778988878473959,0.05667325173971278,0.0,0.0,0.056789442611404166,0.1946325297765903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021100169070815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745022604360649,0.0,0.0,0.0808713386920908,0.0,0.07407222751077944,0.05358284906561566,0.0,0.06228926042171413,0.06561177370052419,0.0,0.0,0.18938274592669227,0.045664107804473685,0.14003614629973882,0.0,0.08311106872893594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838465264532304,0.0,0.0,0.22256995466295126,0.08572372126660363,0.12310116396839207,0.0,0.0,0.0420342870933812,0.16970190717926156,0.0,0.0,0.0640763174834678,0.06606390912546953,0.06430610371814194,0.0,0.0,0.06869747858713188,0.0,0.051882192961438235,0.0,0.0,0.10125005045557207,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,strayycatstrut,2019/05/18,"Am I the baddie? Throw away account because...

Okay so my partner and I are long distance. Over all we communicate amazingly well. We stay in contact and he puts in a lot of effort that makes me feel secure BUT...
Yesterday he skipped his usually morning text and didn't text me til noon.  With the time difference that makes it 5pm there. I know its small but I cannot stop thinking about it. I don't wait til 5 pm here to text him. Carrying on, he was going straight into work when he texted me, the last time I heard from him was 6:34 pm my time and around 11:34 his time. It was midnight here by the time he msged me again making it 5am there. He said he had just left his friends house. Again I know its small but he completely skipped our night time routine by not saying goodnight. He said he had no service at his friends house but couldn't he have simply texted me when he was leaving work just to say goodnight?  It's just out of character and I'm thinking it only takes 20 seconds to send a text. Am I being controlling?  Its not like I'm mad he hung out with his friend but why not lemme know what's up? Especially when I ALWAYS prioritize him even though I have quite a busy life myself and would never leave him hanging for hours by choice.  To top it off I am now feeling like I put more effort into us in general though I do know before this small transgression I did not feel this way. Outside perspective needed. Am I tripping Y'all?",2.1565117416829733,4.297505756849315,3.0250880626223093,91.94863013698631,78.76027397260273,6.089236790606655,23.442270058708417,7.1686216300943375,0.7854037181996083,1139,38,241,14,28,360,159,292,0.027999999999999997,0.862,0.11,0.9664,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,4,1,0,7,20,10,1,0,7,1,21,1,0,4,2,49,42,19,0,3,12,0,3,2,4,1,1,5,0,1,15,15,0,4,9,0,1,7,10,1,1,1,11,8,37,9,30,28,3,52,0,0,0,0,38,20,0,1,25,149,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194957960829904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837348528692448,0.0,0.0,0.10382372559112923,0.0,0.0,0.06736323789375162,0.0,0.09403219600715457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586310481434248,0.0,0.1239415185265875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545491745151805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298796056553931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762497899037873,0.07894528109369242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25612924670381604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280292552021874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882583680987576,0.2550174398329809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429241307782556,0.09007687959050288,0.0,0.23401912234008596,0.12006474651315943,0.0,0.0780534310330253,0.10797498845182103,0.0,0.0,0.09779405090232916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394797886925507,0.0,0.0,0.2212902018962887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193856277554508,0.0852287941939255,0.0,0.0,0.10370209642464416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404455051717348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221774639852528,0.0,0.11753639491179735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023241770536072,0.17575710693814392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778435345403802,0.0,0.09238769802642556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308652004413436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161515763179475,0.21714254242413705,0.0,0.3866205100094647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292472889139406,0.0,0.12170639627843086,0.0,0.0,0.0877142665252909,0.0,0.0,0.0993578790561329,0.0,0.0997141896839933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089890480237215,0.0,0.0,0.07850006572387405,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sugarban87,2019/09/01,"When does rage develop When I was younger I rarely ever got angry, at most I would get upset and cry over it but lately things that would only upset make me incredibly angry. For example I was taking my road test and the lady administering the test was really rude to me and said some demeaning things which made me really anxious. Right after I felt so angry if she didn’t leave the car I think I would’ve punched her in the face. What was worse I was calling her a dumb cunt and saying really horrible things to the people around me about this lady and I couldn’t control it. I was angry for hours afterwards to a point I had never been before. I honestly surprised myself cause I had literally never felt that kind of rage ever in my life and for some reason it felt good like not unnatural for me. Idk if this is a sign of a bpd trait developing or if this was just a normal reaction to have.",5.38248484848485,5.649161733333332,6.656262626262627,76.48590909090913,67.77777777777777,9.87878787878788,26.363636363636363,9.800150414767053,2.2453333333333334,712,18,139,15,11,242,107,180,0.225,0.6679999999999999,0.106,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,5,2,10,0,16,2,1,5,4,35,26,14,0,7,7,0,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,13,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,17,5,24,5,17,6,3,19,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,7,11,103,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627667206365534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314550680538952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771101125014127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422529999993616,0.0,0.14125323990498706,0.0,0.0,0.14210587560110582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551519809293052,0.0,0.0,0.1519520685942324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105595226520754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502598472683519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984635009151031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227317062975147,0.0,0.0,0.1160269768109973,0.11063736501672754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622992809886794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440523082402107,0.0,0.0,0.15604540670763511,0.146474445520905,0.0,0.0,0.09770853695410353,0.06758241123826958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089382580949202,0.0923382080855872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21338154330531245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355367583607089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520831642267883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590253532057366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076919482833935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658585726413196,0.14222914215945248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813544245835145,0.13158615631914644,0.1100077828157604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040090385095978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757064665881498,0.08863806292431152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097292590309587,0.2948029242725557,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,forestlion,2019/09/01,"I just slept with a complete stranger and feel like shit today i had a breakdown because I feel soo stuck in my miserable life and didn’t know what to do ... I wanted to take drugs or drink or self harm or whatever just to numb myself, but I couldn’t do either of those things , so I went on tinder and called this random guy over and had sex with him at my place. It actually helped for a while but now I just feel disgusting. Whyyy did I do that ?? I just don’t want to exist anymore. I don’t even liked that guy or want to see him again, yet I am mortified because he left so quickly and hasn’t texted anything and I keep thinking maybe i did something wrong or he thought that I was weird or ugly or idk... 
I feel so pathetic and worthless and disgusting 
and I have no one to talk",3.6054712771890682,4.2068587607362,4.378047964305633,90.0669380925823,71.82208588957054,7.645064138315673,26.47462353597323,7.686295010490155,1.1769558282208592,610,19,138,7,11,196,97,163,0.248,0.7040000000000001,0.047,-0.9894,0,0,3,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,12,11,3,1,3,0,15,7,2,0,0,38,31,22,0,4,14,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,8,11,1,1,7,1,0,1,6,9,0,1,10,5,21,2,14,20,1,13,0,2,1,1,10,6,1,8,8,95,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.16177372872442985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440551719053026,0.0,0.0,0.1364197474491319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211135442139225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927610941309187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381326799068988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239763564422371,0.1922478459486069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949366470198006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352858581613732,0.11843060240208332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282891467335146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111634123469324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734956821195305,0.0,0.0,0.09110630409918803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011640543696794,0.0,0.117092684055681,0.16197982640065434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654454785918413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233429276354907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732009213804492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321022262841616,0.0,0.17294080697762498,0.0,0.17016696174591947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276226738866767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464312602347301,0.13324468857189264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013438944943887,0.10622274184884407,0.0,0.13160784320283292,0.0,0.0,0.15713652289046315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29333742241316696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367626571415785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125033029635906,0.0,0.0
bpd,juicydeucy,2019/09/01,"Struggles with ex with possible BPD. Hello, first of all I want to acknowledge that I’m not a therapist, but I’m very grateful for this sub because it’s given me a life raft to grab onto amidst the rollercoaster that has been my life this past 6 years. 

I believe my ex has BPD and is undiagnosed. I didn’t understand what was happening while we were in a relationship or why he kept constantly leaving me and coming back, or overreacting to every tiny problem we would have. The breakdown in communication was intense, and I’ve had many low moments where he would shut off communication completely and I would just wallow in despair. 

I guess I’m making this post to just understand things a little better and to get some kind of perspective into his mind. It’s so disheartening that he won’t seek help. I still love him very much, but we had a tumultuous and emotionally volatile relationship. I don’t think there’s hope for us, but I’m so worried for him. I’m so worried he’ll never find happiness—that he’ll keep pushing and pulling people in and out of his life forever. I think he uses people as distractions and has a very hard time being alone. When he’s alone he becomes very depressed.

As of now, the job that he’s doing requires him to be on the road for months at a time. This makes him very unhappy and I’ve been witness to many breakdowns because of it. He gets to this place where he thinks he’s failed at everything and he belittles every accomplishment he’s ever made. It tears me up inside to hear him talk like this and to know I can’t do anything to help him.

For those of you who have BPD, what did it take for you to get help? Have you found ways to establish positive communication within relationships? 

I guess I’m just looking for someone to talk to. We’ve been 6 days no contact now because he told me he’s revolted by the thought of ever being physical with me again. He said because of that he was trying to limit contact. He’s said things like this many times. There’s always a reason why he needs to limit contact and why this time it’s final. But then we just cycle all over again. Having him around when he’s happy makes me so happy. I hate the thought of losing him, but if he won’t get help then I’m just making things worse. Enough is enough, I guess.",4.288104066985646,5.538732032894735,5.196020733652315,82.42138755980862,70.77631578947368,8.334290271132376,27.63397129186603,8.754623652393294,1.9821105263157888,1821,63,363,32,33,595,208,456,0.132,0.754,0.114,-0.8003,1,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,5,3,0,8,25,18,1,2,14,0,32,4,0,7,5,78,79,32,0,8,14,2,2,2,0,7,3,3,0,0,26,24,0,5,12,0,0,3,8,10,0,1,20,6,38,8,54,49,6,53,0,6,1,1,61,22,0,8,28,221,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446478184013358,0.0,0.0,0.058105028728109014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057465005226370665,0.06216444069707362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536957680339497,0.0,0.17027344288941604,0.07712290981063112,0.0,0.07867568179509275,0.0,0.06175989011213238,0.0,0.0,0.2638492936707428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060153267428638864,0.0732165286937065,0.07546255851674824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503525110792138,0.0,0.06014538215778816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785505337067409,0.0,0.1443082860132013,0.0,0.0,0.12633236760280475,0.1176713450127799,0.0,0.06275964617369208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649650338119973,0.0638243157894284,0.05939825656014145,0.0,0.07656614339712806,0.0,0.0,0.14593536852961456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307803274784194,0.0,0.061751368041475824,0.14867290521786436,0.06255490574592486,0.06894370598872543,0.0,0.0,0.07870466997810123,0.0,0.18722512683635573,0.0,0.0,0.06935799036445864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929654330443621,0.06206904693589671,0.0,0.07271829403428327,0.03837731955314853,0.0,0.0,0.07394100051584288,0.0,0.0,0.1479712100421198,0.06823184872227563,0.06998905867515477,0.0,0.0,0.0586404956899201,0.07812308431035372,0.0,0.0,0.0630252501819427,0.06607582918154131,0.18645107595137392,0.2123931767952196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050945521507553,0.0,0.055738478918289744,0.0,0.05133385756714303,0.05177883971079402,0.0538580117081162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666164001127807,0.0968241168401914,0.0,0.0729585858238815,0.0,0.0,0.0787240180292697,0.06687884405718966,0.0,0.0,0.06681888520189083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179795107863393,0.0,0.22491724665517765,0.0,0.0,0.1328506418668527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591676231537433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576716777034535,0.0,0.0,0.07300257676253001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250425999389015,0.11225510775886817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810792327837925,0.13917794271701875,0.13423475405082394,0.0,0.11087610905161943,0.1628761903112136,0.0,0.0,0.06672656205838087,0.0,0.047410700000166485,0.0,0.0,0.1453931742492432,0.0839981566398967,0.06031160745700726,0.0,0.28808965309729145,0.0411881633152078,0.05542863815178372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903498681136785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183364454428826,0.07116380710540401,0.14881792587225048,0.0,0.0,0.044968907534410636
bpd,StrawberryInertia,2019/09/01,"Not quite sure where to go now. I'm not quite sure how to start this elegantly, unfortunately. I've been seriously suspecting I have BPD for a while now, but looking back I suppose there were signs scattered about. Since I started considering it seriously, things have been... hard. I've met new friends, and lost them, or kept them at arms length. Never sure what to do, can never decide whether I want to be close to them all the time or not speak to them. I've lost some of my oldest friends without warning - they vanished off my friends list one day, with my inquiring messages bearing no fruit - and it's been hard to stop the thoughts in my head, trying to work out what's wrong, what I did, ""you did something, you did something, you did something."" An endless stream in my head, replaying everything I said, or everything I ever did, because it must have been something terrible.
I've got few people left. I'm at my parents house now, and I'm snapping between wanting to cry in my mum's arms for hours and wanting to lock myself in my room and rot in there. I've left one friend behind, in my current city. They frequent this subreddit too, and I'm fully aware there's a possibility they might clock who I am if they read into it enough. My one hope is that they're alright while I'm gone. I'm looking for a house, I'm trying to sort out things with university, there's too much to do. I'm aware that this all may be exacerbating my symptoms, but the possibility of having lessened symptoms is different to the possibility of them not being there. I, personally, firmly believe that I would still have this state of mind were things a bit calmer. To a lesser degree, anyway. 
I'm sorry there's so much to read. I started typing and couldn't stop. This isn't all of it, really.
I've been to one GP already, seeking a diagnosis, and I was blown off in a less than professional manner. I'm trying to get back on my feet and find some other people to talk to, but it's proving a somewhat insurmountable task at the moment. 
If anybody has any advice for going about getting a diagnosis, I'd appreciate it if you could discuss it/let me know. (Feel free to DM if you're not comfortable commenting outright.) Any advice unrelated to seeing a professional would be appreciated too. I'm in the UK, for reference.
(For the sake of the subreddit rules, I want to stress that I'm not asking anybody on this sub to diagnose me. We're all just people. I'm simply hoping that someone here wiser than me can point me in the right direction.)
TL:DR; UK resident seeking a professional diagnosis/mental health support/advice.",5.21890010442047,6.175142047337282,6.168389024248757,77.39778367560045,68.36883629191321,8.883838032254323,31.085334725606213,9.088552180705676,2.593355540085857,2066,82,393,37,34,685,236,507,0.10400000000000001,0.799,0.09699999999999999,0.745,3,0,4,0,0,0,77.0,0,4,9,5,24,19,0,1,21,1,38,10,5,1,12,76,78,24,0,15,19,2,3,0,4,5,4,2,1,1,26,15,1,3,9,2,1,3,12,7,0,4,21,9,43,13,63,46,13,55,0,2,3,0,29,26,0,15,25,260,69,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177503252720315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348245386414978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289017145419152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072321378882353,0.0,0.0,0.11634147249695513,0.0,0.04611597849842623,0.0,0.0,0.08523245876617076,0.0,0.0,0.08259099601128078,0.0,0.09527943717875964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060400946458311365,0.0,0.08309876679111497,0.048788457824581216,0.0,0.0,0.07678389128033751,0.0,0.07903890396612966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816741944017147,0.0,0.0,0.06843040992375864,0.0,0.0,0.1359799834619881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038251278534205166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914339017702445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337902433261133,0.0,0.0790487606648369,0.0,0.08598809836002001,0.0,0.06050479390615859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553637675482574,0.0,0.15527893380243582,0.08041318082613579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027647473687128,0.07450072335170486,0.17458155426867186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041575658853380465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438946350390438,0.07735798963037578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705510818288646,0.0,0.16516340104319854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025346198307289,0.07638566450426276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122397158998383,0.0,0.11669300239674,0.07306393955971104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050515506978932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400117509040562,0.0,0.0,0.15734005777628834,0.06605529322782054,0.0,0.0,0.07151438558905224,0.25585446992613897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609277116127979,0.15134239006490394,0.0,0.0484637902195655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460530398455099,0.07196116129293019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028383159723982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257905971309598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409861199395801,0.23295848970855074,0.0,0.08468479063981034,0.16063791306377628,0.0,0.06041476500796662,0.12649478347301735,0.08665764745328726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584754381403856,0.2138997330532812,0.1572601344178558,0.0,0.06080518544642952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077693631793448,0.0,0.0,0.06005822369298519,0.04411254487392755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408562495958675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848302557127485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292459724670733,0.0,0.05507462724690952,0.0,0.0,0.10748020600663584,0.08271218961159807,0.0,0.0
bpd,Babygirlbp21,2019/09/01,"Outpatient or college Although I’ve been going back and worth on if I should go to school this year i applied and paid and picked my classes. 

​

I went to the hospital a couple months ago and I can do an outpatient group for 3 weeks from 9-1:30. 

​

I don’t want to do either but I also don’t want to go into my 3rd year of (feeling like) wasting my life and just hating myself more for not doing anything. 

​

I’ve only managed to stay in a group for 2 sessions and those were just 2 hours. When I was in college before I really enjoyed it and it was the living situation that really made me had to drop out but that was also two years ago and I could function unlike now. 

​

Really need some advice, thanks",2.1842117117117112,4.521245574324325,3.6458378378378384,86.49736036036037,79.74324324324324,5.838558558558557,23.380180180180183,7.0316486544052195,0.9901120720720722,587,20,111,7,15,193,94,148,0.07400000000000001,0.838,0.08900000000000001,0.036000000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,5,0,14,1,0,2,0,27,26,16,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,1,0,1,9,1,14,3,16,15,3,22,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,12,80,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681160527242087,0.17564196315562264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845501986088215,0.0,0.4293760794850823,0.4815312739362415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152747218516414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617993277132679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430262101621548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791005982950593,0.10962082332327486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009356963793474,0.07077675940434035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689139928765815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978126783456475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756555378816664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997718967333047,0.048401371642918606,0.0,0.08748202374669714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374392823056207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907799314997513,0.0,0.0,0.07346032420379271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534840396781083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040338074800334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026573218644833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136061135155192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559712664926207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121180385920792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677854190285792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686997419770985,0.0,0.07946924877819131,0.0,0.0,0.09184035092282106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815312739362415,0.1913965557176942
bpd,gay_math_cptn,2019/09/01,"Could I Have BPD? A few weeks ago I saw a few memes relating to BPD. They were super funny, and if nothing else, relatable. Upon reading more of the memes, and some people's stories, I have really begun to feel like this could finally be the shoe that fits! Frankly, I'm not personally frightened/scared by this revelation at all. It's a huge relief, and I don't have to agonize over ""why I'm like this"" anymore. The only snafu is that this is whole heartedly a self-diagnosis, which makes me feel like it isn't real. 

My mother is bipolar, and has worked in mental health services for a long time, so unless I'm being carted into a rubber room, she wouldn't buy it. I tend to think 9/10 people around me would feel the same. Not that this means anything, but  it also completely does. The other thing that is so disheartening is that I've seen so many psychiatrists/therapists and I've gotten plenty of other diagnoses. Among them, depression and anxiety, dysthymia, cyclothymia, and allegedly, when I was a teenager my therapist told my father I have NPD (however, he's been known to lie to people in order to invalidate his gripes with them). 

Am I just dramatic\* ?

\*Coincidentally I was voted most dramatic in HS

Regardless, this community is incredible.",4.407382978723405,6.601689599999999,5.863989361702127,73.94875,72.14893617021276,9.125531914893617,27.49468085106383,9.642632912329526,2.8791744680851066,996,37,172,26,20,336,149,235,0.064,0.865,0.071,-0.6932,1,0,0,1,0,0,44.0,0,0,3,2,7,7,0,0,12,0,24,5,2,1,1,33,38,15,0,6,6,2,3,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,19,10,0,0,6,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,8,5,19,5,22,24,8,20,0,2,2,0,10,12,0,3,10,121,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206345141889271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883016790684508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410756306176587,0.0,0.13496352605489134,0.0,0.0,0.11198949070495746,0.12114788863586592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427981708711249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426865224721211,0.0,0.0,0.21731167372396765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721308802761135,0.13812727206754932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909223003085825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368473374665534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643176591828014,0.194443738460022,0.0,0.14907863352006293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465603553792536,0.0,0.16126588874603068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945834751509212,0.0,0.0,0.1204343096456329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084033384723172,0.13797268792723338,0.0,0.14824060405825468,0.0,0.0,0.13714550665341527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058087839195892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035016683287044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28304052588637946,0.1188274950258657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612563220797136,0.1548988533166508,0.08718197300840333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197030310989495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31601918247242394,0.09041135476477227,0.0872002109912418,0.0,0.0,0.07935447638550817,0.0,0.0,0.13003868479562247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916223033583426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279897893236168,0.15193829037442524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907427059119084,0.0,0.0,0.09667358224104833,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Elydira,2019/09/01,"What do intense relationships and splitting actually look like? I've been doing a lot of reflecting, and I'm worried I may have BPD. (Don't worry, I'm in therapy and plan to bring this up with her this week.)

I'm researching a ton, and I know I fit a lot of the symptoms. But I'm not sure if most of it is depression/love addiction/low self esteem, or if I actually have BPD. The main problem is, I don't know what most of this stuff would look like.

For example, my relationships DO start quickly. I ""fall in love"" (I'm questioning if I even know what love is at this point) very easily, normally within the first month or two of being together. I do jump from relationship to relationship. I just always explained it as, the relationship was over for months, I just hadn't admitted to myself, and it wasn't until someone else came along that I fully realized it. I also don't like being alone, have rarely been single, have had suicidal thoughts, and low self image.

But I don't know how or if that fits with BPD.

So what exactly do intense and unstable relationships look like? Specifically, what are some arguments you've had? Same with splitting. I don't *think* I have black and white thinking... I acknowledge that people mess up, and I've been told I complain about it too much. But I don't think they're all bad or anything. I can recognize that people make mistakes without thinking they're awful people.

Anyone care to share any personal stories so I can see if or how I might be behaving the same way?

Thanks so much. 😊",3.3017725752508373,5.322778525083617,4.7204180602006724,81.7022993311037,74.78595317725753,8.479598662207358,26.884615384615394,9.162432508145574,2.3498735785953184,1205,46,235,29,26,401,152,299,0.10800000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.141,0.8664,0,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,2,12,16,0,0,8,1,36,3,0,3,3,65,65,30,1,9,17,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,3,19,14,0,0,15,0,0,4,10,6,0,2,11,6,24,10,27,48,13,23,0,1,6,2,18,11,0,18,11,163,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.16830351484868147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931221853674211,0.0,0.06896114526009252,0.07175343646663151,0.0,0.0,0.05864194665755769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029668372757385,0.0,0.07096307654986725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200162785630493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258253880014109,0.0,0.0,0.09862850362926673,0.08792111463935562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720372814683946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056956617024008074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335043320019873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956738310564306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851793138951435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724404103889325,0.0,0.0,0.14662579995863534,0.15565875738172985,0.0,0.057561736588299724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148044308179587,0.0,0.0,0.13766200596938735,0.0,0.12678354242854814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449082286240407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935099426522086,0.07529603512498337,0.0,0.0,0.08151882197666159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251410831478734,0.0,0.0,0.09660160071528376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554970274135582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871718040459178,0.0,0.17992133768940086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306562584642375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103673328513765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871707912823988,0.09432578985459107,0.0,0.08127434369090622,0.08962994505260458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939250471070419,0.09861587502470127,0.0,0.0,0.22102056929747754,0.0,0.06846001129893595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240009920133799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423790034651392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115192289788977,0.0,0.06844838309376662,0.06917155939287732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312631384173041,0.0,0.0,0.17514923622636666,0.0,0.061258023174648776,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BasedTwink55,2019/09/01,"Clinginess Does anyone else here have this problem? How do you deal with it ?
My struggle is coping with the fact that my favourite person cannot be around all of the time. When I notice a slight change in their energy it really gets to me. I don't want to feel this way.",2.310545454545455,4.280502600000002,2.860000000000003,94.15000000000002,77.54545454545455,5.854545454545455,18.272727272727273,6.742157984588678,-0.12380000000000012,213,4,46,2,5,66,47,55,0.127,0.835,0.038,-0.6003,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,1,2,9,9,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,7,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199364146082064,0.2921414971363349,0.0,0.2538193021650389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301621594337872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29394857825437504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24951245176518685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23818310092984696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416640509947926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896463712223285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32461363565235124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24895780029760886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728235406481853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826566504751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29807174137396075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625710977416722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817252359865328,0.2263168154958801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,albino_tomato,2019/09/01,"I need some sense, I don't know what to believe (sorry, this is long, i don't know how to explain without so much context) 

I have a big problem asking people for help and being vulnerable. I think I'm a burden. And yet I desperately want help sometimes, someone to notice, to ask, listen or just be there for me. 
I drop everything when my loved ones need something. And when there's an actual opportunity for me to talk, I often can't. I can't recieve compliments yet desperately need other's approval. I feel guilty for existing and I try not to be in a way of people, literally and not. 
I'm scared of being egoistic and narcissistic. I don't know whether my wishes to be heard are normal or I really am a narcissist who is blaming others for everything (I often do complain about others). Also, I lack self esteem which is also a characteristic. I was told I'm really empathetic and a great listener by many people, but what if I'm just subconsciously manipulating with them because I don't want to believe that this is who I am? 

I know for sure that a lot of things are not okay. I have an eating disorder, fear of intimacy, low self esteem and social anxiety. 

I also have a really intense relationship with one of my friends. I don't know if it's codependency, if she's (un)knowingly manipulating with me or I am manipulating/using her for a scapegoat. 
She told me I'm playing games with her, that I'm a manipulator who keep fucking her in the head. The main issue she has with me is that a lot of the times I would doubt her intentions towards me are good. My main issue towards her are that she can say so much mean personal stuff, yell, block, ignore, demand. She has some bpd tendencies as well and is prone to quick anger. But apparently in this case I am the cause of her anger because I keep fucking with her. 

J told her that I feel horrible because of my new job and being psychologicaly and physically exhausted. She told me that it will get better and to get some rest etc. In reality, there was something that happened in work and I also wanted to talk a bit more about it, but only told a little bit so I would see if she's even interested, if I ""can"" talk. I assumed she wasn't interested because she keep saying that it will be ok.

I finally told her that she doesn't even know what's the matter, so ""everything will be ok"" seems a bit strange to this situation. That I didn't know, from the answers, that she wants me to tell. She got angry because after all this years I was supposed to know that I can tell her if I want to, that I don't need an invitation. There was a fight after (this is the main issues she has about me, it wasn't the first time), she said she's done with me and blocked me. 

The thing is, I know I messed up because I should have known. She's the person who will often straightforward tell me and I'm always there for her, but I still doubted from the replies and me being ashamed of the problem and wasting her time, I didn't want to just speak. I wanted an ""invitation"". I explained that to her, but she said I'm putting the blame I didn't dare to speak on her. And I guess this is true.

I just don't know what to do. I've been thinking about it obsessively and can't seem to let go. I keep on wishing to talk things through and on the other hand to leave this relationship. I feel angry because when she had her own insecurities, I stayed even if she told me the meanest things, because right after she told me she's going through a tough time, I melted. She once told me she can make my life miserable. It was said in anger, but still. We have common friends. She said, for one of our common friends, she'll have to be nice to him because she need a favor for him. I was told she talks shit about me and I'm not suprised because she complains to me about others as well. 

I don't know of she left for real or not and I'm so mad at myself because I don't know what is true anymore and how to let go of it and mainly, how to know if and where I'm the bad guy and how to live with myself if I'm the manipulator, if I'm the one who is using people. This is quite toxic relationship and I know either of us has some things to work on. But I can't seem to let go and she seem to do it so easily. If I knew she was in a bad place I would completely end my anger and try to talk to her instead. I don't know what to do and what is true",3.929316334072432,4.505420021064303,5.461248337028827,82.68414892830748,71.07317073170732,8.452357723577236,27.006725794530677,8.59863814320734,1.6959458388765705,3417,108,738,55,60,1161,296,902,0.16399999999999998,0.73,0.106,-0.9961,2,0,2,0,1,1,100.0,3,0,1,7,47,52,9,8,40,3,91,9,3,12,5,164,184,72,0,33,34,0,4,0,3,9,2,12,0,5,57,39,1,7,31,2,0,5,26,29,2,5,32,17,139,23,98,130,22,53,0,2,1,3,111,22,3,32,23,547,196,3,0.0,0.0,0.04171253877699877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367312832820682,0.03556691021798625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032699482529946484,0.0,0.04239113213891647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799208142124749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137986860615309,0.2866236549207708,0.0,0.0,0.0963169960327799,0.0,0.03780410258412407,0.1399980139664683,0.0,0.05383529529476925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043910452592763966,0.0,0.0,0.04481687316096128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048988985644939004,0.0,0.0,0.043742540358924116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043738370954358216,0.0,0.0,0.03785900578505602,0.0,0.04767149963576822,0.0846971650600398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152482022451416,0.0,0.0,0.04809953006232511,0.06483882366227298,0.0,0.0,0.046824592075845904,0.0,0.03635851327197541,0.0,0.0,0.0990730567830988,0.07903334078007092,0.04466455196510887,0.0,0.0971709070523207,0.03585212112581624,0.03418674105490352,0.04712604433756326,0.04708796792735898,0.042323849092073366,0.03779888610409561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438682652933146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730157460122182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338426913078771,0.04241739463994737,0.15197336740095665,0.0,0.0,0.37586080484451706,0.0,0.0,0.04526033261391084,0.046442105312174735,0.1311276705176438,0.030191757108445013,0.0,0.04284129309682925,0.03774424244022077,0.03782760337908479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267981743556506,0.038578647386553484,0.0,0.028532335425906906,0.04333628956245592,0.0,0.04656137268101941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284436108884407,0.1584728020532248,0.0,0.04128297645394868,0.0,0.0,0.04188060752168153,0.0,0.048664981428714664,0.0,0.04552157685851898,0.11585931980014172,0.032509175085837186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853482378281485,0.07464582751534228,0.0446589826806835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180157011752409,0.0,0.04297010354852203,0.0,0.04546411656238137,0.0,0.048652683810603545,0.08214980697290546,0.0,0.0,0.13767502905288925,0.0,0.03650363310911734,0.16263951520582856,0.06798440263970243,0.042794775970952416,0.0,0.03406189175371236,0.15565222116760374,0.0891838269916847,0.0,0.043876691514490834,0.0,0.04804669271614636,0.0,0.043572710797514284,0.03621733930066536,0.06581372359155323,0.042275477201032564,0.0478490516533638,0.0,0.045560029118449884,0.06827174489424953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893231130426414,0.0,0.0,0.040286255647484,0.0,0.0,0.20613881930180944,0.11208192658738082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198797996479187,0.05477799483643762,0.0,0.0,0.09969882064001358,0.0,0.0,0.4084427275633079,0.0,0.058041520577101366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028329203541822,0.036917588279034616,0.0,0.0,0.1764830027830189,0.03392865367771582,0.0,0.0,0.07686501186613501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830830243554303,0.04120424451776462,0.0,0.06223711870849901,0.0,0.0,0.09109355806521986,0.0,0.0,0.027526104571110502
bpd,kittencake,2019/09/01,"Sometimes I feel like I've got one of those factory signs on me... You know, like ""it has been (X) days since the last accident""?

Except it's ""it has been (X) days since the last massive emotional meltdown""...

It's been eight days, you guys! EIGHT! I want a fucking medal made out of cookie.",1.3336842105263145,3.5725966666666693,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,82.33333333333333,5.905263157894738,21.780701754385966,7.1686216300943375,0.5709438596491232,218,7,48,3,6,69,38,57,0.0,0.795,0.205,0.8713,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,11,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,5,2,5,6,0,7,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,7,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614199016694496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26826969723629057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058795575136408,0.17037765112295578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048061167436914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074262847912046,0.0,0.0,0.2361430769376533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106813424973607,0.38880315460277454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330288100515661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256654646720466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160732575379735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945635896534401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358731892163636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066786794271596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,segorah-,2019/09/01,"Snooping problems and guilt Hello! This is my first time posting so I’m a little nervous.. 

My therapist has recently told me that she’s leaning towards BPD. My psychiatrist has also said that he’s leaning towards “personality things” as well. 

I have a huge fear of abandonment, and I’m currently married to a great guy, but sometimes... that creeping voice sets in that the inevitable is he’s going to leave me. Maybe not this year, but he will. I just feel like I’ve tricked him into thinking I’m a great person but he’ll find out the truth which is, I’m really not..

I’ve been going fbi the past few weeks, looking through his 1000’s of friends, looking at his computer at all the files, just looking for any bit of proof that he’s getting ready to leave me for another woman. I stopped one night because I had overwhelming guilt about it. I’m his wife, I need to trust that he loves me but why do I struggle so hard with it sometimes? 


I’ve been wanting to come clean about looking through his things because I do feel guilt about it. I’m sure he knows what I’m doing on occasion too. I just don’t know how to even bring it up, I just want him and I guess me, to understand why I act this way sometimes. Does anyone relate at all?

Sorry if this was all over the place... thanks for reading!",2.609289297658861,4.535893403846156,3.5233110367892984,89.93647157190638,76.5,6.36789297658863,27.07357859531773,7.255503002510835,1.2997023411371238,1015,41,211,12,23,324,145,260,0.09699999999999999,0.731,0.172,0.9812,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,14,20,1,7,9,0,15,1,0,1,6,39,46,13,0,5,11,1,3,1,1,2,0,2,1,4,18,7,0,2,7,1,0,5,3,10,1,2,6,9,26,10,31,38,5,31,0,2,4,1,24,14,0,2,10,126,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832477087676137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510804066204245,0.11581376176726953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772274119691637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346554579227915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057998930433612,0.0,0.13910467327901932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951406823484038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665329138958824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294948669409917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428406638356827,0.111691079640247,0.07890366696210044,0.0,0.0,0.10094695124965423,0.09394652860946484,0.0,0.0,0.08533141141641658,0.0,0.05770422428484313,0.0,0.12553964089663275,0.0,0.0,0.2435373657603493,0.1216702974887302,0.10936032146990793,0.0,0.0,0.09893920432448317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139803954359896,0.0,0.0,0.2338957647129145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395903599942866,0.11069734170593784,0.0,0.0,0.3709921014552525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968311886968384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095928984655318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189537080654376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364743232531874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484203782520188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543457052703886,0.0,0.1928768736441316,0.11539405813147753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577810865921723,0.0,0.0,0.10568327546644464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104773199055878,0.0,0.07075545263462643,0.0,0.10905351389395702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506079933754477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327706000955231,0.12363685683356518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233899804373008,0.0,0.11546363586347905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409539687289143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168515562578896,0.0,0.12823798043034484,0.1467527313031708,0.07077025428095708,0.0,0.0,0.06440278536365777,0.0,0.0,0.10553725369164238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497967108173746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028951310534104,0.0876680300311128,0.08859426727212075,0.0,0.09930550490790692,0.0,0.19932325543014992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112452457153108
bpd,EpitaFelis,2019/09/01,"I just need an effing hug, but there are no hugs in my near future. That's pretty much it. I'm going through a lot right now, and I'm currently very isolated. I'm nice, and smart, and funny, and talented, but so fucking lost right now, and I've been craving physical contact, platonic or romantic doesn't even matter, as long as it's out of real affection. I miss my brothers, my friends, I'm so far away from everyone I love and I can't afford a visit. I saw a few posts around these days about how attention starved guys can be, but man, it can get pretty bad for women, too, given the right circumstances.

Anyway, I just needed to rant about that. I do fine on most days, but sometimes I crave hugs.",4.536001564945226,4.890979626760566,5.604178403755871,82.98534428794993,69.63380281690141,9.128012519561816,28.45383411580595,9.150863307647796,2.1676219092331768,545,18,113,10,9,181,99,142,0.142,0.551,0.307,0.9871,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,14,13,1,0,5,0,8,5,0,2,0,24,22,16,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,4,1,11,9,15,17,4,20,0,2,1,5,8,10,1,3,7,72,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646266247627162,0.0,0.0,0.1737475241881045,0.0,0.1544085603396969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385286926771139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221443111542991,0.0,0.0,0.17670823658207996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287621393400954,0.17096451152104597,0.09661812639643244,0.0,0.10509980025066876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831094602429205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365694958317809,0.0,0.0,0.2018725938755279,0.15722060288312456,0.16690625856089175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594459489324418,0.2742460326235667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711151651502707,0.3762799409742731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049046490427945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737868151576923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829001845969332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258635543616014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,a_pro_lurker,2019/09/01,"Doubting everything Sorry if I’m repeating a question that’s been asked before: 
Does anyone else often feel like they don’t have BPD? I’ve had an official diagnosis and half the time I read stuff about it and think ‘this is 100% me’ and other times I feel like I’m just blowing stuff out of proportion and I need to ‘man up’/ stop wallowing/ stop indulging my over-emotional thoughts and actions",4.672938596491228,6.543259013157897,5.1868421052631595,80.43622807017546,70.71052631578948,8.750877192982456,29.771929824561404,9.2995712137729,2.7481298245614045,319,13,58,7,6,102,62,76,0.111,0.821,0.068,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,18,13,6,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,2,6,2,5,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,7,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512818302376206,0.19801228289877573,0.0,0.0,0.18066706156312826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444551994204767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433975355514105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911849453088332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143950799642365,0.2173855315791823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368486757994686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543077084824806,0.2761223995116649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882897423075512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329591492155944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164894978440381,0.0,0.1933070023133476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216332820078958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231391732476073,0.0,0.0,0.4424608025303993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382981158210768,0.0,0.153422648887421,0.2253767450173082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,userofthecosmics,2019/09/01,"Help me get out of my head I’m in a relationship with the best guy i’ve ever met but all i do is push him away with my extreme jealousy and insecurities. We’ve been together for almost a year now and we really don’t fight too much because i try really really hard to channel these feelings and not let them come out in a bad way with him. 

well yesterday he was on his phone, on snapchat. and i still can’t help myself sometimes to just look at his phone screen out of the corner of my eye, and i see, (we’ll use jane for the name) an unopened snap from jane. i didn’t say anything or look on his phone or anything like that. i couldn’t help but act kind of cold and honestly just plan bitchy because i knew about this but didn’t want to say anything because i know how crazy it sounds (and just makes it look like i don’t trust him at all but i really do) 

i don’t mention it all day because he was at work but when he got home i was acting 10x worse with him and i just wanted things to be normal but couldn’t act it because of what was in my head. i finally decided to just say something about it because it just kept eating at me driving me absolutely insane. i’ll admit my tone was horrible when i brought it up and i told him he knows i don’t like this person (first time i met them he told me he’s always found them attractive and i haven’t been able to shake that since.) 

he asked me if i really believed he would say that and i just laughed (horrible quality of mine is laughing during serious discussion or arguments) and said yes i do because you said it to me months ago. he got up and said “what the fuck is wrong with you” and went downstairs. i don’t know how to talk to him now and i feel so horrible for everything. i know i shouldn’t have looked, i know it wasn’t even a big deal to begin with, but it just kept sitting in my head getting worse and worse the longer i said nothing. but saying something honestly just made me look crazy and now i just feel horrible about everything. i don’t know how to not act like this. 
(also feel like i should mention this is a T/A account)",3.21991002852754,4.012143079365085,4.3802867383512565,88.99580645161294,72.85487528344672,7.9578962767902865,25.79043230195304,8.259297600419973,1.3420582400702217,1642,51,372,25,31,539,186,441,0.149,0.721,0.13,-0.9147,0,0,2,0,1,0,30.0,2,2,3,4,29,21,2,2,11,1,34,6,4,6,4,88,79,36,0,9,24,0,5,5,0,4,0,10,1,2,21,28,1,2,14,1,1,10,16,7,1,1,27,24,62,14,47,44,5,47,0,0,8,1,56,19,1,5,21,236,83,1,0.07447773511594317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602001845088976,0.0,0.0745786934320692,0.0,0.0,0.059559817864155186,0.061971441903429736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386649025836632,0.0,0.06962662857819102,0.0,0.069974283798548,0.0,0.062185797884738464,0.3178065523453392,0.0,0.0,0.08391090324370949,0.07815978809307525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641559740930307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480319777604858,0.07678327459816281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620931641056494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049191841627831606,0.06736937534317552,0.0,0.0,0.13387157194025331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506327227206929,0.05320690884818493,0.0,0.0815867183765837,0.0,0.06335072344265265,0.0,0.08166099236449363,0.0,0.06885346599645446,0.07782308528584858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913329688560745,0.0,0.0,0.07374466713761836,0.0,0.0,0.06671742174585217,0.0,0.2293069291681765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976256777481695,0.0,0.07470724086463254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755710018059167,0.24558609275208285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615853017698851,0.0,0.18193029680968728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31271269900243565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047263376300371,0.04971446651898323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944741761050585,0.0,0.05474970482825322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297236729317383,0.07146339551937142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503108556307965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385617211333734,0.0,0.0,0.0799612150002422,0.0,0.0,0.28338152529996863,0.29613842140799224,0.0,0.0,0.05934911222253515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061608752119586774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467319829035315,0.07366038442042358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947801547040469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059862382319730276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049479697828369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043428566280186716,0.0,0.0,0.14233333515300806,0.0,0.05056549329679461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432485035182985,0.0,0.0,0.08785779564592414,0.05911695948181805,0.0,0.0,0.06696442828564493,0.06904160661297801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422067818995075,0.0,0.2276975246821955,0.05290684615575341,0.08142971163855317,0.0,0.0479612195662041
bpd,neverte11ing,2019/09/01,"Does anyone try to communicate through their social media sharing songs, etc? My ex has BPD. He is a very deep person. We have been on and off and unfortunately, for my sake, I cannot be on anymore. Whenever we are in « off » phases and not speaking, I’ve noticed he posts songs to his Instagram story. I’ve asked him about them before. I wonder if they are messages to me, or to everyone? They are often very deep and sometimes very subjective — sometimes they seem they could specifically be about relationships. Is he communicating this way? Does anyone else do this?",4.104519230769231,6.739391182692312,5.031384615384617,77.51361538461539,74.67307692307693,7.621538461538463,26.746153846153845,8.548686976883017,2.2059953846153846,449,17,78,9,10,146,71,104,0.023,0.94,0.037000000000000005,0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,13,0,0,0,0,13,16,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,15,1,13,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,21,7,0,5,0,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752271771417717,0.2470889392774656,0.1810378999056188,0.0,0.0,0.16517957840134628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034861041632855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22253255218998835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107111847062073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30924199889884996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760028550556947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197054003745798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883310863335085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201160641179997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427728608499658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921841610993407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969696008427026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085026487183054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801113282005018,0.0,0.0,0.3494982161827023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995966248805034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373587087100072,0.0,0.1402468372084128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161077244937194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,valkyrienason,2019/09/01,"I think I may have BPD or sim? Please help! Hi, I’m new! :) So I think I may have BPD and my mental health has been so wild recently that if I did the diagnosis would be a relief. It would explain a lot! I hoped no one would mind if I listed my symptoms / behaviours for a general opinion and then possibly asked for advice as to how to go about getting diagnosed? Sorry if this is so long and thank you if you do read.

I live in the U.K. and my GP just seems to want to throw depression and anxiety medication at me rather than send me for a diagnosis. It’s frustrating as I’ve had awful experiences with meds before that made me hallucinate, feel ill and feel really manic. I feel like it may be because I have a mood disorder like BPD or bipolar or something?

Anyway, what I’ve noticed:

- I tend to get really obsessive in relationships, like my anxiety is constantly battling against my inner rationality. If I feel like someone doesn’t like me or is going to reject me (which is normally entirely in my own head, but hard to tell as my recent ex did cheat on me so gave me reason to feel unstable I guess) I normally either cling to them and consistently ask them what’s wrong even when they swear there’s nothing wrong or I completely ignore them and isolate myself. This leaves people really confused and thinking I’m a bit of a psycho but the truth is I just can’t handle the anxious feelings and rejection I get, it’s all-consuming. I blow up people’s phones if I feel like I’ve offended or upset them and often they just seem confused.

- I’ve had really overwhelming periods of depression where I feel like nothing is worth it and I’ve contemplated taking my own life. I’ve never actually acted on it but I’ve gone as far as googling what would be the easiest way to go etc. I hope I would never do it but sometimes my feelings of hopelessness and lack of self worth are just so intense I feel like I can’t handle it. I end up reaching out to people via phone and messages as I’m scared and I often take it out on them which leads to broken friendships and relationships. I hope I would never act on it but the periods get worse and longer every time which is the main reason I’m desperate for help.

- My physical anxiety has been so bad that I can’t concentrate on anything. I struggle to eat properly and look after myself sometimes now. I can’t sleep and I constantly feel like I’m on an adrenaline high (like the feeling after you’ve just exercised). Sometimes I feel like I’m in a dream and nothing is real which I think is disassociation. I can’t really hear people properly and I register things slowly. It’s hard to know what is my mental health and what is lack of sleep. I also seem to hallucinate when I fall asleep or wake up. I’ve not been sure of course because I know you can dream but these are definitely voices telling me things and snippets of conversation.

- I’m really impulsive. Since the end of my recent relationship I’ve gone out and gotten insanely drunk on a whim. I’ve never been so ill in my life. I start loads of projects and don’t always have the energy to follow them through. I make plans with people and suggest things really quickly that they find odd. Like my newest friend I suggested we go travelling together in a couple of weeks even though I don’t have the money and I’m starting my masters degree. I had a random guy over that I kissed and i think it would have gone further if he had let me, I just wanted a distraction. I went out and bought a load of clothes without checking my bank account first and I cut up loads of the clothes that I have. I’ve had periods in the past where I’ve driven way over the speed limit, not caring if it might kill me or if there’s anyone in the car with me. This has gotten worse recently and I think it’s because I want a distraction from my intense feelings and because I’m so tired from the sleep deprivation now that my usually cautious and overthinking self is taking a back seat. I get really obsessed with new ideas in general

- I’ve had problems with controlling my food, exercise addiction and binge eating since I was about 15. Recently, the food thing has taken a back seat just because I have no space for it in my brain but I still binge eat and eat things that are no good for me when I’m feeling erratic. I have IBS so gluten really hurts my stomach but yesterday I went out and bought like 4 sausage rolls and scoffed them all in one go.

- I convince myself that certain things are true when they’re not. Like my ex was having an affair (which is questionable) also that people can hear my thoughts or that if I do x then x will change. For example, I do so many sit ups in a length of time then someone won’t be annoyed at me. My brain literally makes no sense any more.

- I am just off the wall when it comes to my emotions. Someone once described me as the Duracell bunny which is funny but also true. One minute I’m really down and sobbing and the next I’m going out with friends and having a good time. I post things on social media and overshare then take things down. It really confuses people and myself. I literally have no idea who I am, what I like, or what I actually want to do. I really struggle to have a sense of my own self which is why I think I’m addicted to relationships. I tend to get interested in their friends, hobbies etc and it becomes part of my identity because I have no clue what I actually like. 

All of this is really scaring me and any advice/opinions or help would be really helpful.

Literally the only time I feel stable is when I’m in a relatively stable relationship but then they become my world and it isn’t healthy.

Thank you for reading! 

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bpd,TrevCat666,2019/09/01,I feel like an aspect of having BPD is a lot like trying to put together a puzzle that's always changing pieces. Title.,3.213750000000001,5.007999541666671,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,74.41666666666666,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.838483333333333,95,2,16,1,2,33,22,24,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30769794776956216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657421681625836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911926582426013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869787850036032,0.2641806638170636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613250054932156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143853448630546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37174476490340497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25106562050992337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ryalexb,2019/09/01,I need some help. My girlfriend has BPD and she moved out and I need her back. She’s my soulmate I just want a girl to talk to me on the phone and hear what I have to say about our situation and give me advice I’m at such a low point in my life because I need this girl. She’s my other half and I feel empty without her,-0.2791389432485332,1.2568978767123298,1.8935812133072432,100.0609589041096,83.93150684931506,4.719373776908023,17.277886497064582,5.288315135182226,-0.8895620352250488,247,5,65,1,7,83,49,73,0.057,0.828,0.115,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,10,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,18,0,9,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,1,1,45,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323419792616106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828272169467756,0.0,0.14493981939011946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994576904998975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202215280410466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808661227336605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679793268570601,0.0,0.1593693978841862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794100982125132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25270740774105344,0.0,0.5289009641358877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476552528157506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908090029997934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26725871118855743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911071364752452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024042388792352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291977379249508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,helpme497533,2019/09/01,"The very fact that I exist makes me anxious I feel this alot. I contemplate my identity and reality almost all the time and feel invalid. Like i'm a glitch in the matrix.. Sometimes I just want to ""enter"" someone else and become them. I get the urge to delete every trace of myself on the Internet. it's so annoying because everything I do feels fake and ""not quite right""...The moments when it happens the most are when i'm creating things/doing things I like. but it can happen anytime.",3.0831796690307307,5.448739776595744,4.30035460992908,82.83388888888891,76.76595744680851,7.1565011820330975,26.401891252955078,8.167268648758528,1.946843026004729,385,15,70,7,9,126,69,94,0.067,0.86,0.073,-0.1395,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,8,0,3,0,0,1,2,17,13,8,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,11,2,5,13,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,6,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246727989163285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622663418788377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151806128832395,0.25639429125546137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393369592008566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559856584579816,0.0,0.20864377445895055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521499677261624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129014411907367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105835291206001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683605347818706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549636534388805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24692285078356144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825703945864445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670213223312635,0.0,0.229604843072038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423186214033058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537003945965195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915501959282397,0.13692960972617738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway1234566767,2019/09/01,"I need some help to be able to help by borderline+bipolar brother Hello Guys and gals, i need some help as i believe my brother is being mistreated/abused by his psychiatrist, here is the context:  


Male 35, Current diagnosis is: Bipolar, Borderline, Agoraphobic\*, social phobia\*, general Anxiety  
Current treatment:  
\-1000 miligrams Valcote ER per day,  **Valproic acid**  im not sure what equivalent is this in english. Antiepileptic  
\-12.5 miligrams Quetiapine  per day, Quetiapine Fumarate / Anti-psychotic   
\-150 miligrams Pregalex, Pregabalin, /Enti Epileptic ?  
\-750 miligrams Glafornil XR,  Metformin  Glucophage ??? (he has issues with insulin)  


\-My brother has had only once a Manic episode about 18 years ago, and a deep depression for the last 8 almost nonstop.

\-My Brother didnt have problems seeing other people in the past and didnt have problems to go to parties with his friends.  


\-My mother, Also Bipolar plus some personality Disorder unsure which, i know for a fact she has had an incredible recovery and is now living stable, is able to work, keep relationships, hasnt had an episode longer than a 2 weeks in years when her episiodes used to last months closer to a year.  


\-Doctor called my mom for an interview this week, and started pushing her that her treatment is very bad for her, that he can see that she is in the middle of an episode and needs immediately a new psychiatrist and he can recommend her a Bipolar expert and that a bipolar should **NEVER** take antidepresants, it was 1:30 hours of confrontation between the 2 and 30 minutes telling her that my brother needs urgent a very expensive therapy with a colleague of his that is an expert on DBT.  


\-My Brother is absolutely convinced that DBT is the best treatment for him because its ""statistically the most successful in cases like his"", i dont know where he got this statement but i was not able to find any research.  


\-i am Worried that amongst his prescriptions there is no antidepresant ??? i was convinced he was having them.  


\---------------------------  


Second part of the post, guys please tell me what has been the most successful treatment for you ? how can i help him ?",5.4835365853658535,8.512918430894313,5.260074525745257,75.60685975609758,72.00813008130079,7.8940379403794045,34.640243902439025,8.761943790366164,3.4980682926829267,1707,90,264,35,36,527,210,369,0.048,0.8370000000000001,0.115,0.9728,2,0,0,0,1,0,113.0,0,1,1,4,9,13,1,0,24,0,38,6,0,2,3,40,52,15,0,7,3,8,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,4,17,13,0,1,4,0,1,2,8,5,1,1,11,3,34,8,34,38,7,33,0,1,2,0,46,10,0,6,21,176,51,6,0.31200785878878035,0.1232260975873581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219204711309924,0.0,0.1041436003783796,0.0,0.0,0.08317085731601769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072534772724721,0.0,0.0795617193234509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683784317055447,0.06339903158846533,0.0,0.0,0.11717533752131998,0.10914433281455008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619830279774936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414617143507826,0.0,0.08957730386172746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191960124217165,0.1064510881251032,0.0,0.0,0.12189029559572365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505651014466393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080352165910418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910708545786375,0.0,0.08318039571124007,0.0,0.0,0.2059578893377152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788430545369646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242163056996484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123406761030876,0.10855171412962857,0.0,0.0924423069288735,0.0,0.0,0.11431423965325503,0.1695520320313579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081042655949994,0.0,0.09183621851981777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180661109132328,0.08301389871886625,0.0,0.0,0.30846649847287605,0.08021323179075833,0.1004463780874111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107593955917049,0.0,0.07909867874048389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262470204145655,0.09928226854633296,0.07210232127699717,0.09081107586340924,0.0,0.11416364491618472,0.0,0.0,0.09960576059381178,0.0,0.0,0.1990329221860837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116598915525392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575324510733566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601757331966574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361358944877823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802123814902944,0.0,0.0781970266506791,0.0,0.18180574725629906,0.0,0.11893605942649707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982487090018428,0.0,0.17162610640473988,0.0,0.0,0.16684925619762606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571514573129849,0.10561970860729487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092283148049905
bpd,Dumpster-Goblin,2019/09/01,"I might be BPD and I'm worried my husband hates me all the time. So I haven't been diagnosed so I am not going to say I'm BPD as it could be something else, however my symptoms line up best with this. If this is the wrong place to post, please forgive me and I'll take it down.

Anyways, I've been off a mood stabilizer for about 6 months now I believe. I recently got married and I couldn't be happier for that. However I keep getting this feeling that my husband hates me and wants a divorce. I'm worried he didn't really know me before we got married and that now that we are he's seeing the ""real me"" for the first time and hates it. I know it's not true but I can't stop worrying about it. He's bipolar so he's already dealing with his own shit and I feel awful for putting him through this.

So my question: what the fuck can I do to stop these feelings? Can I stop them? I want to get on medicine but need to wait as I am also being seen for other medical reasons and don't need 2 meds worth of side effects to worry about.",1.5208120981186042,3.0464443438914053,3.3626053822338666,91.67148130507263,78.41176470588233,6.281590854965469,26.1112169564182,7.0608816371341465,1.042876923076923,804,32,182,9,19,270,122,221,0.157,0.76,0.08199999999999999,-0.9545,2,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,2,0,1,3,11,10,5,0,7,1,20,6,1,2,2,41,46,18,0,7,5,2,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,16,12,0,5,9,0,1,2,7,6,0,1,6,6,28,3,24,33,3,19,0,0,2,1,16,6,2,3,10,120,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331991119054132,0.08936716463026223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509179599022127,0.12590501068284213,0.1172756885508206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28149272541245185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892240106547982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521028418044135,0.0,0.1134248242027503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335354812078596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695138578259453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505526938075123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033119181979988,0.1167704792287651,0.0,0.06351061907246439,0.0,0.17875482728985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309926717241345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932934598382263,0.0,0.0,0.12283075832510658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413007173446655,0.1125772879023149,0.0,0.11855005868168518,0.0,0.0,0.08919851246958448,0.0,0.0,0.165723771772622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675591895707987,0.1226689441380882,0.0,0.0,0.10702648370314856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234053322174296,0.12518659778792132,0.0,0.0,0.1271970042096875,0.07159049631626098,0.11489855049626548,0.11034054470707952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886881125014802,0.0,0.0,0.08905100910060411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471070613497192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603131236622069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802863010473535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615198710965728,0.0840227788891914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032571191771394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182716752843796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539539060632298,0.0,0.0,0.12218208024737688,0.0,0.0
bpd,hippycynic,2019/09/01,"Break up advice please My boyfriend and I just broke up. 

I tried so hard to get him to take me back. 

How to make this better. I can't stand it. I just want to take a bunch of drugs and never feel anything again. I can't stand it, my body feels like it's on fire. 
Please help me.",-1.4498387096774188,0.4867794193548427,-0.006209677419352744,108.91068548387098,93.51612903225808,3.1,10.975806451612904,3.1291,-2.2198451612903227,212,2,58,0,8,66,43,62,0.10800000000000001,0.6709999999999999,0.221,0.7513,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,1,10,9,4,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,8,9,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315447784534864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498964439095248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821999088487717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956300209405845,0.0,0.263198011632547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747867505796648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396180592424103,0.1692771133152795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237965849892316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122606406848456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882257714525946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157617915989361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816595183822024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827504323579193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5201998473870865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35631379288627074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087348286042186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975923757966174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexisgriever,2019/09/01,"Self Destructice Regret I hate being so incredibly self destructive.  I will start to do good, feel good, etc. Then... BOOM it is all lost when I have an emotional break down or get so stressed out that I lose it.

Right now:  My partner is out of town for a total of ten days... TEN LONG DAYS. I am currently on day three and.. *sigh* I feel pretty darn empty. During the day I keep busy, hang out with friends, babysit, take walks, clean the house and genuinely feel fine enough.  But at night... I feel so incredibly lost without him around. So.. I text him and didn't hear back for a few hours.. within those hours I went on a bit of a psycho texting spree... 😣 I KNEW that it was wrong and I knew that I should just LEAVE HIM ALONE. After all, he is on a trip with some very close family friends (adults and children) and I'm sure he is just busy with them. I KNEW that he probably wasn't up to anything aside from time with them but in those moments of my emotional break down, my brain had convinced itself that he was up to something bad. My brain was saying I NEEDED to hear back from him and I NEEDED to know exactly what he was up to.    *Sigh*.  I hate how destructive I am.  Finally he did message back... The moment he did and the moment he said he was just heading to sleep.. I felt a flood of guilt and shame. I feel embarrassed that I act this way and I feel ashamed that I messaged him so many times. I want to be better than that. I want to have control of my insane thoughts and worries. I try to calm down but my heart always races, the tears begin and I just feel SICK to my stomach when I am in a panic.  

I am just ranting really and hoping to talk to anyone willing to talk.  I am SICK of this cycle of panic. 

Also.. I am now emotionally eating a lot of junk food.  *Sigh*",1.0055719878207938,3.1472967465564783,2.4385566188197783,94.59362440191387,82.91184573002754,5.584138031027983,19.469986950848195,6.8360192770164,0.1138528925619835,1361,36,305,16,38,440,180,363,0.204,0.7040000000000001,0.092,-0.9941,1,1,1,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,2,5,20,30,4,7,14,0,28,10,6,2,5,62,60,27,0,7,10,0,8,0,3,3,2,5,1,5,17,22,2,2,13,0,0,5,3,17,3,3,19,13,45,10,51,36,9,54,0,4,0,0,31,20,1,4,26,203,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252383828817104,0.0,0.07144095126902468,0.07433365177831737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246492032025769,0.0,0.07351487094041817,0.07952684972229797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060786790941229,0.07459076799801148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900930893510635,0.09753038761832852,0.0,0.0,0.199454206796982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019649593046852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045404137186845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141173118344084,0.0,0.30146864121933725,0.0,0.09230665672179453,0.09963183846887476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421683281392996,0.0,0.31619226571376946,0.0,0.08577535031295537,0.09786183001827134,0.0,0.0,0.1080239100655063,0.0,0.13803958151724427,0.0,0.04667370924632628,0.0,0.0,0.1498594660568955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639910160799588,0.09168320600373817,0.0,0.20137346661871147,0.10586208512627404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872954401107558,0.17595342778879167,0.10308028405728496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940481266663572,0.0,0.0,0.0490960312780796,0.0,0.0,0.09459258010531102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905842480990169,0.0,0.09994271188036903,0.1950388214461588,0.07594919276731116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057139453375647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248114061031407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838345923619127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963011471799045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088553677908268,0.09631794846500354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723011555547752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762913712646422,0.08497778563423458,0.07104256289348662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863912130468143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939924642828165,0.0,0.0,0.068774239619147,0.0,0.0,0.06323158166526836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233263133256287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419692574920272,0.0,0.06716859908161489,0.14360774399632176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092179679786251,0.1041835988949069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065241755355622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371050810241031,0.10538387662064796,0.07090975044863622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281418967436754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861154917590582,0.0,0.0,0.090723754679984,0.0,0.0,0.097673503204611,0.0,0.0
bpd,DJGMac,2019/09/01,"DAE Not Cope well when your loved one is with friends? Gf’s friend is in from out of town, she brought this unknown friend as well and I’m totally having social anxiety about the whole situation and don’t want to be around them whatsoever because I don’t know this person. 

Been having weird thoughts that maybe this is a sign that we aren’t meant to be together. Fucking mind playing tricks on me maybe ?",5.846582278481016,6.515843784810129,5.3593417721519,84.78027848101266,66.84810126582278,8.851645569620256,30.98987341772152,8.841846274778883,2.229671392405064,325,12,66,5,5,99,63,79,0.10400000000000001,0.7,0.19699999999999998,0.8774,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,1,0,5,10,2,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,1,14,19,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,3,2,1,4,0,6,7,11,13,2,7,0,0,0,2,11,5,1,0,1,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905745786259226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509198203409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674548616044276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819130865500501,0.1922177554240122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426683907384187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876550057164644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177651423140269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993890834630466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089128826597525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154684181571534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337096556539262,0.0,0.21194722593201507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650644528806822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263600699804067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738882832414484,0.0,0.0,0.23213412655338475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CryingontheMoon,2019/09/01,"Lmao ranting I spent around 6+ years, single, alone, trying to be content being alone. Because I know....rather, I FEAR that I am not good for anyone. It’s better off not dragging anyone down or getting hurt. I was actually doing well, mentally. Sure, I felt lonely, very lonely. Had to watch all my cousins and ex-friends have lovely, wonderful relationships.

I had no intention of falling in love. 3 months later, at this new job...I love this guy so much. I really do. I’m terrified. I don’t want to be hated again. Or be a burden to him. 

I really wanted to just. Forbid myself from ever being in a relationship or falling in love. I tried so hard to not fall in love. Worst yet, he is...a little unavailable, emotionally. Of course. Always falling for emotionally unavailable. 

You know what gets me is that he sometimes acts like he cares about me too, but he also is like “no labels, no commitment, I am incapable for falling for anyone, I’m a douchebag, I’m self-serving” this shit hurts so bad. But he is also...so important to me. He is so intelligent and charming and just...the way he talks about his passions is infectious.

 I just want to put it out there because I can’t say this kind of thing to him, but I love him. After so many years of cutting myself off from feeling love, meeting him reawakened that feeling in me, for better and for worse.

I find myself having to hold myself back, I feel like a volcano that desperately wants to erupt. I pray so hard that things work out. He deserves so much better than me. I find myself unable to eat, my appetite is so low. I just don’t find food that appealing anymore. Because I feel sad that I have all this love for him and I am just...some weird, pathetic girl. I feel disgusting. I feel horrible. I feel horrible. Believe me, I really don’t want him to have to deal with me. Of course, I haven’t let many of my symptoms slip, like I am trying so hard but I am definitely not perfect. I feel so jealous of the hot exes he has talked about, I feel jealous when he gives rides home to any girl other than me. I hate myself. I want to be kind to myself, but this is why I avoided falling in love, I absolutely hate dealing with all this bullshit infestation in my head. 

It took me so long to recover from the last time I was abandoned. I want him to love me back so much. I am really disgusted with myself.",1.82205128205128,4.106073106837608,3.6684829059829087,86.12721153846155,80.75213675213675,6.54957264957265,23.42521367521368,7.720077496677588,1.2672726495726492,1826,64,364,31,48,613,207,468,0.255,0.555,0.19,-0.9896,1,7,0,0,0,1,90.0,0,1,0,5,29,49,9,2,6,0,36,16,2,1,7,60,77,27,0,7,15,1,14,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,21,11,2,4,15,0,1,10,12,23,1,0,7,16,70,26,59,63,8,42,1,7,1,11,42,16,1,4,19,245,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.06044858293735163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283109756653885,0.0,0.09907347478648608,0.05154251899246234,0.0,0.0,0.0421241657290902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143198045573134,0.12993843023767593,0.0,0.0,0.05514345204573814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526249979688377,0.05172080187403494,0.11328178932377878,0.0,0.0,0.06978987726077429,0.0,0.16435377688077948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315621863274623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772345673177654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338435927657063,0.0,0.1393577273455212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056032056080718234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970442263810096,0.2818875420647241,0.04425293369986938,0.0594761257764577,0.0,0.16984757158373687,0.0,0.07490314686538108,0.0,0.04785791886884997,0.0,0.06472655352522741,0.059422500703735164,0.0,0.051955838241831684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061334475845448176,0.0,0.0,0.16646945133965282,0.18347115661689134,0.06357259832774598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213506193933941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262504909514528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061470039298905474,0.0,0.0,0.1290106599516515,0.06808580135822366,0.05049277328785304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633421196525072,0.0,0.12105118732889962,0.062084340460597624,0.0,0.054818648953650975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5590703981419736,0.0,0.0,0.1256033495260527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062425162787295416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049443252522945735,0.0,0.13660829638300406,0.0,0.0,0.05982607386758546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227100877426649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873210839989688,0.0,0.0,0.13300973210314326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049260497225818135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462128799446283,0.0,0.06358480935935792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126437672529995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058381655424079276,0.06438371975836467,0.0,0.09957676900456236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230591984721472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03612014879047135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882226185024272,0.1261680938136614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051110434815483406,0.2557539709533295,0.049168405854045465,0.0,0.0,0.05569525592305469,0.0,0.05589498655131799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717581952880387,0.04509609990589967,0.0,0.06312641021949605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978004043362168
bpd,iilvck,2019/09/01,"DAE notice symptoms getting worse around their period I got my period and have been going through a really intense and horrible episode. I’m crying all the time and I can’t eat and there’s absolutely no reason. Just the usual, feeling like I’m unworthy of love and that I’m a burden. I’ve been noticing that I get especially bad when I’m menstruating and it fucking sucks cause when I’m depressed I don’t even have the energy to brush my teeth or shower and now I’m expected to keep everything in order down there. This ones so bad I can’t put on a tampon bc I don’t trust myself to be able to take it out. I was wondering if anybody else notices changes in their symptoms around menstruation? And how do you deal?",1.2428812260536404,3.8023920965517233,3.420632183908048,84.88619731800767,86.65517241379311,6.8084291187739465,23.227969348659002,7.984000788550335,1.6487854406130262,574,22,112,13,18,195,94,145,0.21,0.6920000000000001,0.098,-0.9596,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,11,9,2,0,6,0,11,6,1,3,1,22,28,14,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,11,1,1,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,4,2,13,3,13,23,1,17,0,1,0,2,5,7,2,3,8,70,18,0,0.15091211807661853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686875606304221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201062998118645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502831592082206,0.15964501069230405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576987542002644,0.0,0.15558376720812594,0.1299803861656987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442077204396085,0.12606771003297862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996760307035235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563008085771724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630570130133267,0.10781164730760326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395158213963605,0.15769070605411906,0.0,0.08576683447406812,0.0,0.12069820691022205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413762453947678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372803802671085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620407856661873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154433400070422,0.0,0.0,0.1022619568450304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517083608737041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966781671655163,0.15516279176053668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137109477991904,0.11346713154879152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799806965358192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662083773579464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365775457413315,0.0,0.0,0.15379234110301435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway040464,2019/09/01,"Just found out the reason my fp hasn’t been texting me the past week is because they met someone else I really thought I would have something with this person. It was long distance which made them even more appealing because I had dreams of them getting me away from the horrible little town I live in with my parents. They were a good friend to me for years despite the distance, but then it moved more and more towards sex and I caught feelings and struggled so much with whether they just wanted to fuck me. I’ve spent so much time agonizing over this person. I thought once I could go visit them the agonizing would be over because we could finally maybe solidify a relationship. 

I decided to back off on texting and though usually they would text me every couple days they just haven’t for a week. And then I check their twitter and they apparently went out for drinks with someone a week ago. I’m completely heartbroken but I feel like an idiot for doing it to myself like I always do. God I hate this.",7.911185567010308,7.1936633144329925,7.425484536082475,76.37905154639176,62.76288659793815,10.440412371134023,35.89484536082474,9.642632912329526,3.242649072164948,809,32,152,13,10,254,118,194,0.174,0.755,0.071,-0.9815,2,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,10,0,8,8,3,1,10,0,16,3,0,2,0,33,32,14,0,6,6,1,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,13,1,0,7,2,2,5,2,4,0,0,12,2,31,4,23,14,5,30,0,0,0,2,18,11,1,0,16,111,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132486640491358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630386312270818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003168650847068,0.09823706657231772,0.0,0.2336380150207933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395053775802354,0.0,0.0,0.20400676288196112,0.14136043084792652,0.0,0.08239254457432689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515299249963205,0.0,0.0,0.10672438403015656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843821385874441,0.0,0.10764058488153007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291953184085521,0.09126945866765172,0.0,0.139951291700626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007869896438885,0.09870455996758523,0.11810907088811907,0.0667476369107674,0.0,0.07260711388401389,0.10715631336708534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613335618320107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483100457832222,0.12804584175158668,0.11281156438510324,0.11306071703233822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088654036988734,0.0,0.0,0.12834884243474182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357852230765116,0.18783184477588208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605678553012712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418587688878541,0.0,0.12195828847195846,0.0,0.2231045593288397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184425525937708,0.13135523260247065,0.0,0.13716295431300513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164957853291196,0.09835339956989303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355911007431912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552037326491985,0.20284920218101407,0.07449599724754713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070602765401513,0.0,0.07535425024611453,0.0,0.30743631289788903,0.0,0.0,0.11843180138675592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27226422167615194,0.0,0.0,0.08227116819242096
bpd,xfillet-o-fish,2019/01/05,"What a headfuck.. Preface with, I am not speculating on advice. I'm not asking for a diagnosis. There is a TLDR. But I'm mainly asking for advice on how to support kids/partner, I've read up on the illness. But there is very little about the 'support'you can provide someone, or the post traumatic stress of supporting a family.

I've never met the woman. But the disregard that she treats the man I love with suggests she has BPD. 

This is my boyfriends wife, which sounds crazy. He is caring, considerate, logical and quite frankly a saint for being with this woman 16 years.

She has to be the victim in every situation. She has to narrate the story to prove her the weakest. 
She has two beautiful children, that I'm not sure she wants - other than to be pawns.
Refusal to take ownership of her actions.
She has every thing she ever wanted in her life, she has never really had to work due to my boyfriends successful career. Giving her no value of money at all or living in the real world. Leaving them in quite a lot of debt, despite the well paid career. She has never had any real struggles or hardship in her life, but she would tell you otherwise. She would tell you my boyfriend, who suffers with depression and anxiety, is a scary man. Unpredictable. Unhinged even. 

She spoke to me once, via text message, and told me that my boyfriend was categorically awful at relationships... which honestly isn't true. That he'd be the first to admit that he was.. That she needed to know I wasn't taking him away from her, which was never my intention. She then exhibited that she didn't want him, that it was a me or her situation. We had a teary goodbye, and split up.
She had a boyfriend approximately 3 months earlier than me and my boyfriend met, she was comfortable with herself having all the power in a polyamorous/open relationship sense. But rules that applied to her and her boyfriend, did not apply to myself and her husband. And when asked to give up her boyfriend as her husband was grieving, she point blank refused.
Her attitude and general message was rules did not apply to her. Not because she was superior, but because she was weak and naive, hurt little lamb. 
I remember a story my boyfriend once told me that she had cried when staying with her boyfriend. Thinking that when she was late for a dinner reservation, he would kick off. Because my boyfriend, her husband, would do that. I asked him about it, and he said he doesn't recall a time ever being mad about that kind of situation. 
It was a manipulation on the new boyfriend. It's all starting again. But now, she has a scapegoat for this type of behaviour. Her ""abusive"" husband. 

She and him have split up and he and I got back together... 
However, due to being in the country on his working visa, they are staying living in the same house with thier children. Since there is no love loss between them now, they have been living predominantly seperate lifestyles. She travels abroad for up to 5 days at a time to visit her boyfriend living out her zero responsibilities fantasy, leaving him to single parent. When she comes home she wants to talk to him about the ""fun"" things she's done, but since they have agreed to split up, obviously there is little to no interest on my boyfriends part. Because he is not playing ball/living in her dream world, she has since threatened he must be more amicable to her or she will move the children back half way around the world, even part way through a school year. Allowing him only visitation rights. Not joint custody if he were to follow.

I'm hoping for some sort of response as to what or how to best support them all, especially the kids. I've not got an involvement in the children's lives at the moment. I've never met them. But if I can advise him, or help in anyway I'd like to be able to. 

TL;DR - was the girlfriend in an open relationship. Now supporting boyfriend through trauma of realising his wife of 16 years is BPD. Trying to think of best way to help him/his children, and even his ex wife through this minefield..?
",5.275133197945287,6.762380293035482,5.560189702544502,79.84286489069406,68.67148488830486,8.21522876597778,30.524931310476646,8.63018909878101,2.3816988699080164,3197,127,586,51,55,1016,319,761,0.11699999999999999,0.785,0.098,-0.8193,4,0,0,0,1,0,112.0,1,2,7,10,28,34,2,2,43,1,68,7,0,5,16,103,110,42,1,13,27,9,0,1,1,6,4,3,1,10,30,27,1,3,9,5,4,7,21,11,1,4,34,3,97,23,100,61,14,86,1,5,0,2,138,41,0,13,33,429,127,9,0.06076037325396332,0.07199110669618583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874866705927865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131913737467452,0.0,0.04648151923082694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408961414322213,0.2272109877799084,0.0,0.05708637078127792,0.09344195303657013,0.0,0.14815583831288365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752852622580158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153051126191333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194924999901669,0.0,0.0,0.05233968146716219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674241693215187,0.03918541416854178,0.0,0.05233282045059152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621789573898154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039496046854435,0.1099224724104544,0.10238647007974852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057279472369097285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168274245037013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657377314080546,0.0,0.0,0.09719124211384883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145279483686424,0.0,0.06094760847174468,0.06034876039252275,0.0,0.07010931289120308,0.06504523624429791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327257868585495,0.03339231211934087,0.0,0.06854034756604492,0.1286729243412626,0.0,0.0,0.0858336970539784,0.02968444924688536,0.18269356896979205,0.2682626138244561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165629652901022,0.10967721821011413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048498350243539434,0.06457866099063142,0.0,0.04505304687591982,0.23431072805825806,0.05868274711052843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941562902281686,0.0,0.046211001826918965,0.0,0.0,0.06746720399314024,0.1315951263577861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743819221323916,0.0,0.058191641858822425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925227219553473,0.06077681587388,0.1383172138031759,0.03892465096476535,0.0,0.0,0.19570170581953253,0.06882965836985376,0.05188902676984552,0.05779702894999043,0.0,0.0,0.0614927415745227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078482590815254,0.2048916158918964,0.0,0.0,0.05148206708321928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043006504921080095,0.1295249469276375,0.0,0.0,0.06960080227454267,0.06351993461644842,0.0,0.0,0.3447507576279917,0.057265932722379474,0.0,0.09136847793045844,0.04883688645950314,0.1062144886916452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807329842634124,0.07786558756959576,0.0,0.0,0.0708597245327286,0.0,0.0,0.11611828094550812,0.0,0.041252305023791305,0.0,0.05935405584158196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013367127558107,0.14335216956870214,0.1446862683792504,0.0,0.0,0.05463087258279226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846855076287627,0.0,0.0,0.17264970343736705,0.0,0.0,0.11738306480539162
bpd,ithinkPOOP,2019/01/05,"Suggestion for books on BPD. My wife suspects she has BPD. I agree. I was hoping that there would be some good suggestions for people that just learned/suspect they have BPD, that will help them understand 

1. What it is.
2. How it affects their lives.
3. What to expect.

I've read a few books about being a significant other to a person with BPD, but I don't know if those would be helpful for her, since they are aimed at helping others learn how to better interact/communicate with a person with BPD. Any suggestions for books or resources would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.",2.6825829216654924,5.53843151376147,3.3772477064220183,85.78333098094565,82.4862385321101,6.289625970359915,23.06351446718419,7.61054688173877,1.3009443895553991,461,16,85,8,13,145,78,109,0.015,0.747,0.23800000000000002,0.9752,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,4,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,3,0,20,18,5,0,6,4,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,11,5,13,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,16,2,0,4,0,61,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734208948448015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359277221657445,0.0,0.0,0.8088143901872282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772750971838056,0.0,0.14160309738851182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258267394266666,0.0,0.0,0.12756768813164734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058604071944606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341290603204784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904257949074827,0.2242938173971852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847252938760112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624505248782323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824824457708642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370825056807056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27371552515163544,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tinyeri,2019/01/05,"Why do I always repeat the same misstake So I ran into my crush on new years and I was really drunk and made an ass of myself. He didn't respond to my texts the next few days and I, as usual, broke down and couldn't eat or sleep. And so now he responded and said he accepted my apology. He said I put him in a difficult position and I was stupid and asked why and he said it should be obvious and now I am freaking out and have texted him a bunch apologizing and trying to save the situation. I freak out over the tiniest thing. I really hate myself. ",2.5701932367149745,3.869199565217393,4.579420289855072,84.98903381642515,75.08695652173913,8.589371980676331,23.21256038647343,9.150863307647796,1.6245748792270531,430,12,94,10,9,148,74,115,0.222,0.726,0.052000000000000005,-0.9637,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,7,0,9,4,2,1,1,23,16,16,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,15,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,8,3,16,2,11,5,3,18,0,1,0,1,15,8,1,1,8,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637814930432626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401303622844545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694151999386946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141012121323504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433263092608505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624890468712813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901033145543895,0.20933498369727352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787233898775816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521935502554892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5617020665764592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124944282795345,0.19697595512504454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307676332315781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336372324775578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167846267520866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552237853313581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675451639433147
bpd,CampbellJude,2019/01/05,"We finally called the ambulance. It's time for a change but what next? My sister is visiting my parents and I in Alabama from San Jose California for the Holidays.  She was diagnosed bpd years ago.  Last year she took six months and burned through every cent of savings she had(and borrowed thousands from my dad) to take that time off work after her boyfriend broke up with her and she had a meltdown and went to the ER and she did some intensive therapy programs that seemed to help.  But she's started work again and I believe her therapist moved.  This is a state run program and she has Cali-Med so it's either free or very cheap.  She did one on one therapy, group therapy, I think even had a social worker or some kinda of peer support person helping her, saw a shrink(who...didn't diagnosis her or treat her for BPD, just depression and anxiety, which i know are symptoms of BPD along with all the other nightmarish things she has to go through on a daily basis having this awful illness but should he have been looking at anti-psychotics or mood stabilizers??)  But like I said she's at work again and her therapist moved and hasn't been replaced, she doesn't have time for her group therapy anymore and the final nail in the coffin so to speak was visiting home.  We know how it is, it seems like people with BPD are triggered by people close to them like their family members.  The whole ""I hate you, please love me."" ""Leave me alone. How could you leave me alone??"" back and forth.

​

She had a blow up or two this three week trip but nothing too bad.  She asked for space so she could do her coping mechanisms and by the next day everyone was hugging and making up and moving on.  But not last night/yesterday.  A conversation about politics two nights ago set her off so bad.  She spent the next 36 hours threatening to self harm, doing some self harm, threatening to kill herself and laying out her plans on how she would.  I put my foot down and said she needed to go to the hospital.  My dad called our cousin who is very close to the family and an ER doc and she agreed.  Even if the threats were attempts at control or manipulation it's not worth the risk if they weren't.  We begged her just to ride down the street (the nicest hospital in town is 5 minutes down the road) and get evaluated.  She wouldn't do it. So we...well I called 911.  I said there were no weapons in the house and my parents were with her keeping her as calm as possible but somehow a cop showed up before the paramedics did.  She lost it and threw a beer at the cop and lunged at a butter knife before he detained her (I doubt he will...but if he wanted he could charge her with assaulting a police officer I'm scared.)  I wanted paramedics not a cop but the paramedics got there second.  It was awful she screamed and struggled and screamed at the cop and told him to shoot her and kill her. 

​

The paramedics got there.  One of them tried to talk to her a little but there was none of that happening with the cop pinning her to the ground.  She had to be taken to the hospital by the cop.  He stayed calm enough but it was clear he didn't deal with mental illness patients very well.  She's on a 72 hour hold now, missing her flight back home, thus missing work.  I don't know what to do.  She needs to get back to more intensive treatment, she had made so much progress....HAS made some.  But this is a BAD relapse.  Does anyone know of resources?  I think she needs DBT badly and a reassessment of her meds.  I'm so tired.  Yesterday I sat for hours while she went back and forth between ""everyone wants me dead so I'm going to kill myself"" and ""we should try and live together sometime soon, pick a city and move there!"" she got online and looked up guns she planned on buying, she hit her head against the wall, she threatened to cut herself, she went on a website and started reading all the different ways to kill herself along with how long it takes to die and how much it hurts with each method.  And when I left the room it was even worse.  I want her to get better and keep getting better so bad.  She's in the San Jose area...she may need to move back home(not in our house, she'd need her own place- clearly she can't live with family it really sets her off.)  What do we do?  She says she wants to get better.  She says she wants more therapy.  But how can she get enough intensive therapy and work full time?  She teaches music classes to kids and does theater directing.  I'm not 100% about all her jobs, they seem to be with different companies.  She doesn't make much money my dad sends her thousands so she can make ends meet(a lot of which she spends on stuff like booze, weed, and video games, not that she has to be perfect but her money management needs to get so much better.)

​

The only way I know to help is treat it like an addiction- ""If you want me in your life then you'll enter intensive treatment"" but she's run through her savings and tapped my dad out pretty much too.  After hours therapy?  She does have days off...maybe she can go some of those days? I  just don't know.  I feel like this is all my fault for insisting we call the paramedics.  Maybe if we had just left her alone she could have been packed up and back home and then we could have started pushing for more treatment.  But what do we do now?",3.259387285969023,5.167407814531551,3.4559282016026813,91.21832717468368,74.58317399617592,6.880855909081143,24.467914151287946,7.700901442207033,1.0613698541259369,4178,133,874,57,89,1282,411,1046,0.149,0.75,0.10099999999999999,-0.9967,8,3,2,2,0,1,142.0,11,5,5,16,48,52,9,4,53,2,75,14,3,16,7,178,154,92,7,27,36,8,1,6,0,6,7,8,4,4,34,70,2,4,12,6,10,24,16,29,3,10,43,13,139,23,114,95,26,127,0,6,3,2,151,49,0,24,54,572,173,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314324154284041,0.0,0.0,0.07016275652765742,0.0,0.0,0.12296514716982933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864042616492832,0.14426604380286875,0.0,0.0,0.03027522284522488,0.0,0.03924835724821395,0.027672177110397527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036997840226348895,0.0,0.0,0.18258714418690927,0.16521984917766322,0.0,0.0,0.06735183513934385,0.0445881447207083,0.0,0.14000559539741084,0.0,0.0,0.19937631251442234,0.0,0.16164443455101926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04186573334707034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044387396430088204,0.157989466744087,0.0,0.0,0.07656895681552334,0.040800702025209405,0.03408640310125709,0.04016839718327693,0.04107322077704604,0.0826961497913921,0.0,0.0,0.10389861304831098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035052231661205586,0.0817843404002801,0.0,0.07841792432657486,0.0,0.03334414676300577,0.07563235647638157,0.0,0.0,0.11192505015721728,0.0,0.02001061060216893,0.028272813903266563,0.0,0.08670626261040751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473630950446845,0.0,0.08996689358577623,0.0,0.09495665897844073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03499656910639931,0.0,0.0,0.03907270798381556,0.04061597936212717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958006394346641,0.0,0.15879019953735352,0.0,0.15589596182912088,0.09132984921452658,0.04236649435955588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392726727116301,0.07035321675793392,0.17513813476776646,0.0,0.13049827640657727,0.06451878613559629,0.0,0.08380968443034216,0.08599800235002643,0.0,0.027953414055099157,0.11600782386534315,0.03966514437334807,0.0698919531803214,0.035023157352834365,0.06646706704432563,0.0,0.043201438365646834,0.03364575673631608,0.03571852079388765,0.07489477223116048,0.07925105351648355,0.0,0.07951801160716804,0.0,0.043959565808150566,0.0,0.03988289278935495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03158886339229495,0.21031297867313856,0.1454630845295557,0.17606881916891712,0.0,0.0,0.12626728691659675,0.07427803240355617,0.0,0.037973852008199235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045234482915244,0.030099024329721245,0.0,0.0,0.08788803246697269,0.0,0.0,0.054873470882263166,0.03455588418598906,0.04134807489569605,0.043442120407293165,0.0,0.04461553848401053,0.0,0.04026260911932512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03978440513309316,0.0,0.0,0.03958630601696412,0.0,0.02535314037991488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293636440086792,0.06294420524947232,0.03962207591344963,0.0,0.0,0.1080844095442742,0.0825719561124705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040342336554016416,0.0,0.0,0.039141276684649104,0.0,0.08403543226378295,0.04218231995361984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413730060344432,0.045304589383388584,0.0,0.04490991768756725,0.0,0.0411341977793821,0.05951184634557025,0.0318093652078355,0.0,0.0,0.3168070039037147,0.09190063518288384,0.026292267658000985,0.050716888231149684,0.0,0.0,0.09230739384081188,0.045486326139789694,0.0,0.037816178238190785,0.043969943662730264,0.05373846415270246,0.0,0.07731921404927138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796203491413699,0.163398984456623,0.06282653249883012,0.031745156187532535,0.0,0.0355832139104481,0.11006092277908308,0.0,0.04418473994131532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440575272421296,0.0,0.040330913666009535,0.028113368131165124,0.0,0.14426604380286875,0.050970772958754684
bpd,boddah4594,2019/01/05,"Quiet borderline trying to understand if they manipulate without realizing So I recently got diagnosed with BPD and bi-polar 2. I’ve been reading and learning about BPD and figured out I was more of a quiet borderline, where I direct everything towards myself and have self destructive behaviors because of it. In my reading though, even on here, I feel like I see a lot of manipulating behaviors in borderlines and I just wonder if I do it without realizing. My past relationship ended kind of mutually but I can’t help but think back and try to see if I manipulated her and didn’t even know. Which makes me feel like a bad person because I was manipulated emotionally all my life and I never wanted to do that to anyone else. I guess this is sort of a rant but just wondering also if anyone feels the same way? ",5.5416233766233765,7.017914331168831,7.416753246753249,66.82370129870131,68.02597402597402,10.794805194805196,32.83116883116883,10.832165505486646,4.064241558441559,653,29,111,20,11,229,98,154,0.126,0.818,0.055999999999999994,-0.8954,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,11,5,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,5,2,45,23,18,0,5,11,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,10,0,0,12,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,7,19,3,18,18,4,12,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,9,7,86,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736613982909828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877527454600432,0.1375632710998502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323617795483636,0.11209989067302158,0.16368496154110607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381867092074329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626912732240332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215540005713336,0.1510222718309814,0.1189128109190224,0.0,0.0,0.17735239414972112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206625072700959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036547610927256,0.1918280014991896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737845304442684,0.0,0.14790041393314268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999036245963668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398091324208065,0.07378473082484813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483045394094093,0.13118343465031884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414142037184545,0.0,0.0,0.08961831239948317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354810974074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816453107839698,0.0,0.11722897880125513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685888286872008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256365915661492,0.14414293559798427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139726181215359,0.0,0.14006046033415814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602715796989666,0.13190788409582113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230484976342828,0.0,0.0,0.13976739843560182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918889538842643,0.1065678164508948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588400004596084,0.2911943261587357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skyekitty,2019/01/05,"DAE have weird ""light/dark"" realizations? For example, being in your room for hours focused on something for hours but suddenly snapping up and realizing the light is on, or that it's not as dark as it feels? It's normally only when I disassociate. ",6.510144927536235,7.578514652173915,7.576956521739131,68.04992753623189,65.52173913043478,11.35072463768116,34.89855072463768,11.20814326018867,4.2622115942029,198,9,35,6,3,67,36,46,0.031,0.919,0.05,0.2047,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,4,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,9,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199275281991413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7868289256490559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914126780185773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30382804914983363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075447960969547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Uglydress,2019/01/05,"I am so embarrassed of my life. The amount of weird and impulsive things I’ve done this year alone is embarrassing af to think about. I feel such a deep sense of shame and sadness, it’s made me totally numb. I know other people look at me and feel bad. 

I introduced this guy I’d met twice to my family. We talked about moving in together and I told him I loved him after a month. When that ended, I was so devastated and suicidal that I moved to a different city. This is absolutely pathetic to say but part of the reason I chose where I did is because I’d remembered this other guy I had talked to YEARS AGO and was really into me lived there. I know. 

I reconnected with him and he was into me for about a week and then I started texting all day, every day for a few months and feeling heartbroken he just wanted to sleep with me and nothing more. I’ve overshared everything, he basically knows my life story and I know nothing about him. When my parents ask if I’m dating I always talk about him when I know nobody in his life knows who i am. I blocked him on social media because I’ve been feeling so ashamed of not being able to control how much I talk to him and what I say.

I’ve also overshared everything with the world including people I work with, gained an unreal amount of weight, gotten a big regrettable tattoo, and scared off every potential friend. It’s like I can’t think ahead at all and just don’t even realize how dumb I look at the time I do all this stupid shit:( The shame and regret is unbearable.



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bpd,batshitbaby,2019/01/05,"Anyone else addicted to ordering food? Out of all my impulsive behaviors that hurt me financially, this is probably the worst one by far. Maybe its related to my (mostly recovered) ED more than BPD, but I can't seem to beat this one. Any ideas? I feel lost here",2.881,5.347857099999999,4.594000000000001,79.93700000000003,78.0,10.4,26.0,10.355215969177356,3.3522,205,8,40,8,5,69,44,50,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,5,0,7,4,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756488426178665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194980241984506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680181925188526,0.2590794241980317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31846152389503746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112275772099872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785088591656915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30575279251720594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706860847345382,0.28544207191823195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760206711193179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540264370842969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34268164908329746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726200310176222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23018933619325174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,2wo4our6ix8ight,2019/01/05,"Welp. hello all. my name is Stephanie and I'm am a 24 yr old transgender woman. I have no one to confide in with my thoughts. I mean, im sure I do in family and what friends I have but it seems like too much of a burden for me to just spill this out on them. no one knows what im dealing with--what I am dealing with. so to preface this, I made a throwaway bc I am embarrassed by what im going to say. I do apologize if this gets too long, ill do my best to chop it up into something easily digestible. :)

​

I grew up in a house of divorce. it happened around the age of 8 or 9 . my father was/ is an alcoholic and a cheater. my mother is like a solider, she tried to fix it and tried to lessen the blow of what was happening. I was always super sensitive to everything. if I was even spoken to in a different tone whether it be intentional or not it would completely throw my mood out the window. Growing up I never had a lot of friends.. in that time I identified as a homosexual man. The thought of transitioning crossed my mind but I always felt it was ""too much work"" and I'd settle for the life I was living. 

​

time passed. middle school was a goddamn war and high school was so much worse. a moment in between those times sticks out to me where I lost one of my best friends I ever had up until that point over something ridiculous. It felt like I was mourning a death. my friendships were always tumultuous but this one never recovered and this was the beginning of it all. in high school as well as middle school, I was bullied day in and day out. I flunked almost everything, tried suicide numerous time and was miserable. as young as I can remember I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety from the divorce.    

​

after seeing a therapist for a while we came to the decision that my best course of action was to drop out of HS for my mental health. I did and it worked. I got my GED, went to a trade school and graduated. in that time I was pretty happy but it was a slippery slope. I made friends there and we began to party. I began to drink a lot, first it was every couple weekends, then it was binge drinking every single weekend. not too long after it started creeping up into my weekdays. I was for all intents and purposes, an alcoholic. during that time it was when I realized I needed to transition if I wanted to live any longer. one night the realization just came to me, if I didn't do this, I would have for sure been dead already.

​

when I transitioned it was like this heavy burden was removed from my life and it was. for a good year or so life was so nice, fun and manageable. then I began to slip again, depression was creeping in for no apparent reason so I got on medication. it helped but then it stopped. I began having a lot of sex, spending so much money on luxury goods, skincare, anything to feel good. it worked momentarily. I should not during this time all my friendships from my trade filled out, some were messy and other just lost touch. This pattern followed me to work and repeated itself. 

​

presently... Ive been dealing with it. I have like 2 friends I've made at work recently and it feels great. but. can't help feeling that somethings gonna happen. sometimes I try to even force myself to change in that moment im with someone I don't want to ruin bc its easier to just pretend that risk me acting out. I haven't been promiscuous as I was a couple month ago, I haven't gotten tested for anything bc im mortified of what I might see, im sure its nothing, I was always safe but still...no one knows what's going on but I am struggling. I can't help my anger, my outbursts, I ruin everything. I was recently talking to someone who rekindled with me, he wanted to spend sometime with me and pursue a relationship. I've known him for years and he always just fucked me. well we made up, he got what he wanted and I left his place thinking we were good. he never texted me after so I cut him off.  told him off and blocked him. I've done this before but this time its for real. 

​

idk what my goal was in posting this. I just wanted someone to hear. I do not see a therapist and I am not diagnosed but as I reflect on my life now and see everything thing that's happened.. its all cause and effect and it makes so much sense to me now. I find solace in that a little bit in that I finally know what this is or who I am. im not sure where im going from here but thanks for reading. 

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bpd,heymissamerica,2019/01/05,"My Dialectical Life I searched but didn’t see anyone has brought this up in the past. Has anyone here used this service? It’s around $25 month, which isn’t a lot, but I feel like I already spend a lot of my income on trying to get my mind right (therapy, books, etc.). The website doesn’t have a ton of information. The website is: https://www.mydialecticallife.com 

Thanks in advance! ",2.122083333333336,4.997553708333335,2.951333333333338,86.72700000000002,88.30555555555556,5.102222222222223,22.477777777777767,6.742157984588678,0.7057844444444443,305,11,59,4,10,96,53,72,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.8122,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,0,7,1,0,1,0,9,13,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,8,11,4,10,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,3,38,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26630077463645035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33747077037801404,0.0,0.0,0.21482447351186928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26913372425582816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201779695011852,0.1723978610469461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607886582582442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045027101111954,0.1178959451266678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103204240294315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436627181767659,0.0,0.19261798632313107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303656488867069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608453274152572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229946305270584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217349338823664,0.27596853805799665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383930350143733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842155375840185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throaway-777383992,2019/01/05,"Eating disorders and BPD Did anyone else develop an ED after a bad split with their loved one/FP? For me, I felt that I wasn't thin enough for his likes(not true) and thats why he was gone, and he'd come back once i lost 30lbs. I feel like my entire life came crashing down during that time since most of my friends at the time were his friends so they cut me off as well and my days revolved around him so I suddenly had next to nothing in my life. I focused all my time I used to spend with him into planning everything with meals and calories, weigh ins, exercising, etc. 

I know this wasnt the only thing that caused my behaviors since I was always at risk and had small periods of time where I'd binge and purge or restrict my food and have always struggled with body image, and days/weeks pass now without him crossing my mind once even though I'm still restricting. But it turned into a full blown eating disorder after this. Has anyone else had a similar experience? ",6.2071314178049946,6.062743891191713,5.987442298634008,83.38594912859162,66.04663212435233,9.297974564295806,29.980687706076303,8.841846274778883,2.0973046632124346,773,24,158,11,11,241,128,193,0.106,0.804,0.09,-0.2757,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,2,10,11,1,2,6,0,12,10,1,2,2,32,23,15,0,0,3,0,3,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,8,18,5,2,3,1,1,5,3,5,1,0,13,3,27,6,23,9,5,31,0,1,0,1,12,13,0,2,14,100,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999686080017896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803995050096787,0.2462400771794789,0.0,0.10696954244332037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239706290809846,0.1003301444871139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347275194458924,0.1513396721205239,0.0,0.0,0.13743317080859113,0.0,0.12343934330937695,0.0,0.10350881341742836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749446710716026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27543183275684485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24591118830406294,0.2007596515069634,0.0,0.0,0.12415933572727075,0.1340122513467818,0.07936578360312095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799374304385163,0.11754136869458012,0.0,0.0,0.06075745326556103,0.08584366582134342,0.11537424162948755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145300213361849,0.0,0.185673529449852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603782269683707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974776850452306,0.0587050213598018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117087852488124,0.0,0.10845078148761617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132923706397107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277935147561628,0.0,0.0,0.11529855757881875,0.0,0.0,0.2559369453982307,0.08142479471253139,0.0913885188417892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987982855276964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596142670731923,0.0,0.0,0.1256192792198453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983020884447524,0.0,0.11805842977069235,0.0,0.2802694170032461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070161207870015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378127722784962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638660617696926,0.0,0.1080399543614216,0.0,0.10842740007119546,0.0,0.0,0.1158317572356342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IneffectiveVoid,2019/01/05,"Intense mood swings - is there anything that helps? I struggle with frequent intense mood swings and I’ll get easily irritated by the smallest things. Has anyone found anything that helps? I’m trying exercise, eating healthier, psychotherapy, DBT, and I’ve been considering trying mood stabilizers. ",7.82212765957447,11.701900148936176,7.156851063829793,60.49400000000003,68.78723404255321,9.71744680851064,37.05957446808511,9.888512548439397,5.148382127659575,245,13,29,7,5,76,35,47,0.102,0.6940000000000001,0.204,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183683601944675,0.0,0.4986209085212169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100039479707835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33218025328850176,0.0,0.0,0.15828421522578784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061357102178749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31671981065981325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127331399431567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41138021678733794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TypicalTrustFund,2019/01/05,"Ever feel like broken merchandise It’s a common thing I say or have playing on my negative feedback loop. Every time I have an “episode” (currently in the throes of one) it’s the first self deprecating thing out of my mouth. Just a simple “why or how do you love me, I’m broke. I’m a burden”. I know my warning signs and they’re all here, I just feel so alone through this. My friends and family don’t know how to act around me after treatment. It’s been almost four years but I still struggle and at times I have no one to talk about with it anymore. Im not sure why I jumped on this subreddit. It just felt right to ask if other people feel inferior to their friends and family sometimes. ",1.3417021276595733,3.611892390070929,2.8050780141843994,91.69400000000002,82.54609929078015,6.029503546099291,21.45673758865248,7.3011,0.6680984397163119,541,17,116,8,15,176,94,141,0.16399999999999998,0.753,0.083,-0.8608,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,11,10,0,1,6,0,6,2,1,2,3,28,16,11,0,1,8,0,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,4,0,4,2,5,15,6,16,14,1,18,0,2,0,1,9,7,0,4,10,78,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715177972709164,0.17288447984966954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655452455590526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859908865324378,0.1560528127761128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099367486199464,0.14064193639824432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31472501800618224,0.0,0.2532076508302816,0.11925161327547402,0.16027466107266286,0.0,0.0,0.14198674826723062,0.0,0.0,0.2579324603346671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030818867554896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347578283031651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815513694289013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065678439571725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262260828959016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572512646112287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255346818866196,0.0,0.13274586052920065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413970557394834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650935915426096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333069229694843,0.0,0.0,0.1745067799952249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732531185915094,0.0,0.0,0.13416839693713148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179577495290856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467120730242493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012486071754049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749455158630547
bpd,Dizion,2019/01/05,"A Quiet Borderline's love for their FP It's human nature to hurt the ones who hurt you.

​

The ones you love will hurt you the most.

​

But you could never hurt the ones you love.

​

If only they knew how much you were hurting, they might love you back.

​

But you must be strong, for them, and can never dare let anyone see you are weak and suffering.

​

Repeat ad infinitum.",4.189120879120878,6.570985384615388,3.5813553113553134,89.23269230769232,73.35897435897436,5.995604395604397,22.68131868131868,6.868970318607317,0.6715472527472524,332,9,61,3,7,98,49,78,0.212,0.598,0.191,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,9,4,1,2,12,0,0,5,0,9,5,0,1,3,13,15,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,2,2,13,5,3,7,2,4,0,6,1,4,19,0,0,3,4,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323470165408373,0.48486308298102504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055801975653584086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136562929814349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371832864183072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271680680106926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160669816228275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288110909347085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466119763225094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058666345398342985,0.0,0.1231020954621858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223514938921346,0.060695803447017325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359478151808244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48486308298102504,0.0
bpd,iownawall,2019/01/05,"Scared of being invalid I've had emotional problems ever since elementary school. My best friend always used to tell me i'm too sensitive, ive had intense crushes that i got over as soon as my crush showed interest in me, im extremely impulsive and that also backfired on me multiple times. When i was 13-14 my mom saw my cuts from when i was cutting myself and i went to a psychologist. I desperately wanted her to tell me i was depressed, because i wanted to have a word and a solution for what was wrong with me. I always felt unstable. My psychologist told me i was going through a normal phase in puberty since everything was changing around me. At that time i also told my mom i thought i had bpd because ive been researching it a lot, but she didnt believe me. Since then i havent told anyone about this.
I'm 16 now and i'm so fed up with my constant mood swings and instability that i finally went to get help. I made an appointment with a psychologist and psychiatrist but thats in 3 months. Again, im desperate for a medical professional to tell me that somethings wrong with me and how i think and that we're finally going to work on how to fix me. I dont want to feel like this anymore. How i feel has never influenced my life as much as now. Im closed down, irritable, unhappy, anxious. Some parts of the day i can be happy and have hope, but i never know when that will come crashing down. I started cutting again and have suicidal thoughts. Most of the time i feel sick to my stomach because of my anxiety and because im disgusted at myself. Because i feel sick to the stomach i eat irregularly and have a hard time finishing my meals. But because i have mood swings my eating habits are irregular and im constantly either losing or gaining weight.
Im scared people wont believe me. Im so scared of people telling me that what i feel is normal or that it isnt as bad as it seems. Ive gotten so used to feeling this way im scared ill beileve them. What if im fine? What if this is just the way im going to have to live my life? Absolutely alone with no way of communicating how i really feel inside? ",2.676992537781402,4.48286505568446,4.668054179469493,82.34248009029913,75.93735498839908,8.09333416943626,27.425910829623128,8.841846274778883,2.1929324763278357,1673,68,341,37,37,574,200,431,0.193,0.722,0.085,-0.993,1,1,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,1,4,22,23,4,4,13,0,32,13,2,8,3,66,70,40,1,9,10,2,10,1,1,2,6,0,0,0,21,21,5,0,13,1,0,6,8,14,0,0,24,11,61,7,48,42,7,46,0,2,1,0,14,13,0,9,25,224,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046402324641624,0.0,0.09337285219021547,0.09715359267990514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044660503078385816,0.06595272796383582,0.05789722469315901,0.04082061946637231,0.0,0.0,0.05197053407303393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048744820941744316,0.21352725930261046,0.0,0.0,0.13154842722307394,0.061266157306580915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352750518409465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175824774550315,0.050289158873612495,0.0,0.1261759753536269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037650239042560006,0.0,0.050282566652515896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842086832673114,0.0,0.0,0.11947452984075667,0.0,0.06566958767238378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280800841611757,0.0,0.0,0.05246813601646317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663060307668404,0.04170664899203606,0.056053908606114186,0.12790476648260887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045104205684748905,0.0,0.03050111509724452,0.0,0.09953601535357726,0.0,0.04669178029726445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214654390613453,0.05229696952227312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03913085087096654,0.0,0.0,0.05798446444709895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6306036563303711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032084094557976256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247097244115273,0.028521495400939494,0.0,0.051550566714597484,0.0,0.0,0.06531223267698233,0.0,0.04963254704940565,0.0,0.0552405216451166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058811659219401034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674778714864594,0.046598320282779035,0.0,0.04291598161067451,0.0,0.09005243516054917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439991439826545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321979835272608,0.0,0.08094661524995375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586172916811076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03739969181308683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337940635285864,0.05908362764025121,0.0,0.05314691521683185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448774974028557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449437388247472,0.0,0.0,0.04132163012745705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385819145404258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041066031265349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037407515620164304,0.0,0.09269432071997827,0.1361672767153741,0.0,0.0,0.16735363633029884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084306768294934,0.0,0.0,0.10330202384075143,0.13901786433146904,0.0,0.07109105323485422,0.0,0.10823759978501132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042501299968971305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765862457907873,0.0,0.0
bpd,opalfiction,2019/01/05,"Healthy close relationships? The only healthy connections I've had have been with people I don't spend too much time with like casual friends, hookups and work acquaintances. A lack of emotional connection seems to be what's keeping me from ""unleashing my true form"". My recent hookup-turned-relationship-turned-disaster got me feeling like maybe I *should* just live in the wilderness and become the crazy mountain man of my dreams. 

Anyone here with diagnosed BPD who has had healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationships that weren't mentally draining? ",8.72351648351648,11.451733879120884,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,61.85714285714286,11.353846153846154,38.27472527472528,11.20814326018867,5.146072527472528,457,23,67,14,7,133,73,91,0.048,0.679,0.273,0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,1,13,13,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,7,5,8,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643219944094267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996993532148984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277340305305403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835265358283229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40679198475363815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091427049649731,0.12917646601905194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969959308082644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461672938744946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071940955286826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667715198962786,0.0,0.15966566939344948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165605587438796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222208665796666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292208734545272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375202909352308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535648328147375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853603101294885,0.5823928167933734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460998074516747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543647127397557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163770918770554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thefinalsignout,2019/01/05,"Can cigarettes increase or trigger derealization/disassociation? I quit smoking 6 months ago. I’ve slipped a few times here and there. But since New Year’s, I’ve been smoking 1-2 cigs a day, and I’ve since had daily periods of disassociation. There could for sure be other factors. Just wondering if anyone else has noticed such a correlation. ",4.8556989247311835,7.700404032258064,6.330322580645162,68.08215053763442,73.19354838709677,8.649462365591399,32.913978494623656,9.2995712137729,3.5399913978494637,278,14,46,7,6,94,50,62,0.0,0.914,0.086,0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,10,7,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,3,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,24,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011122274442545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939963624030934,0.2775398404161657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626883502337246,0.0,0.0,0.17468969536084494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262783632927286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162070303278548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616093623914145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30838897424360345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881051602187928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481353731882464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552931633898151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579473377355959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937485644461257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443235164984913
bpd,abandonabadone,2019/01/05,I can’t do this My FP can’t be around me because he is my reason for living. I can’t do this without him. I can’t. By dying I’m proving his point. I’d probably have to block him first too which I said I wouldn’t do. It hurts.,-1.8405555555555533,-0.2509791296296271,1.4681481481481493,100.56666666666668,90.29629629629628,4.340740740740742,16.407407407407412,5.46131890053228,-0.897237037037037,173,4,47,1,6,62,36,54,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,1,6,13,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,1,11,0,5,10,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838220379340781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435289300849815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33089023915748816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711925666440393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413089888176535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815285076930819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013928834109392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437475081488352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278054232632773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032757915352361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30733613181081704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HitlersBlowupDoll,2019/01/05,"Do you ever get angry at the thought of an afterlife? I would like to think there is one. I miss my mother and father.  Or all my friends I've lost. I hope I see them.  


But then.... I get mad. They have eternal happiness, and I will never have that.  At least alive. 

Hope is so mean. 

I hope this one understands.

I hope that this one won't hurt me. 

I hope one day I won't fight my mind everyday.  

I hope that I can tell the difference between real hurt and made up hurt. 

I hope that when I understand it's not my messed up head, that they take responsibility.

I hope to not be called crazy when I know my feeling matter. 

If I can belive in those fairytales, then I have to belive that something is fundamentally better than this....right? 


I hope I will be better. 

I hope I die, because I'm so tired of hope.",0.35974635383639963,2.5610646385542206,2.3185732403297408,94.00084020291695,86.34939759036146,5.422447685478756,18.375396322130626,6.8360192770164,-0.009079518072288906,614,16,141,8,19,204,92,166,0.094,0.557,0.349,0.9918,0,1,1,0,1,0,30.0,0,1,3,3,6,24,2,0,3,0,16,2,1,1,3,34,42,12,1,13,5,2,1,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,8,0,4,3,2,32,16,12,32,2,14,0,5,1,0,10,5,0,13,10,96,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726847656236456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371580144840543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917837009471933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000774461012098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047566090846425,0.08101418860201524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014057454607775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03920722755424693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990824111835241,0.0,0.0810242916323964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254419029176853,0.0,0.0,0.07957977779133403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8471764322032849,0.0,0.0,0.24902880047809994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261468844563159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037882778281875744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846455242344828,0.0,0.0,0.0733714836560841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446524308267325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829464124768826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059804655873999225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017605467420888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825901231134188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621987425253054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061790402670105035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059695106063770625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058301431881125285,0.0,0.06777454235319155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968535486634438,0.0,0.06155915653195991,0.0,0.08912235488586863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144652349084146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508313781866472,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MayaPaya,2019/01/05,Could a relationship with a Narcissist and a person with BPD ever work out? Can we ever find a long lasting relationship?,5.050909090909091,7.701506818181822,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,71.72727272727272,9.854545454545457,29.181818181818183,10.125756701596842,3.731472727272728,98,4,15,3,2,34,16,22,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,13,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34048678925787523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584640859226156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890803567369296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708805611026224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203651382762494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392445169910001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360525562554638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5804931299752409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968124871024625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PBRandPizza,2019/01/05,"DAE get bored after dating someone for a certain number of months? I’ve currently been dating my SO for about 6 months now. The first 3-4 months, I was absolutely infatuated with them. Now, the past couple of months I’ve been feeling like I’m bored and just not really in love with this person anymore. 

Does anyone else have this issue? I’ve noticed that it’s a trend of mine and I’m not sure if it’s something related to people with BPD. ",2.6020505617977534,4.596609022471913,4.261109550561798,84.32739466292136,76.75280898876404,6.6971910112359545,22.360955056179773,7.645422480735847,0.9943134831460676,349,10,69,5,8,117,62,89,0.11599999999999999,0.782,0.102,-0.4944,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,12,9,4,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,4,4,12,6,0,13,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,13,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910174038535084,0.1346774183992925,0.1973517476178009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425856027905715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131193457977299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855434401119002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090097326911398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738942352609528,0.13760065108664174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383400165928175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063079623229527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010348401376029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409953645240918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383808113004415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6149579853973529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192878071911264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838680774941615,0.13353154989484284,0.1681796576433913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339092370866743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319786187884455,0.14828061889446192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153268328723227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sheisreallyquiet,2019/01/05,"My really crazy story I was raised by an incredibly abusive and narcisstic father. By the time I was 17 I was a shell of a human being and spent much of my college years and 20s swinging as a maniacally heart broken human being. I have spent a TON of time in therapy and EMDR, listened to Oprah for hours, sobbed through so much of my pain, and attempted to move my life forward at every step possible.

​

My mom is a therapist which is the luckiest break I could have despite my horrendous father. She recently told me she suspected that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Now that I am aware of this I've discovered this subreddit and it's helping a lot. It's crazy how many of you guys struggle with suicidal thoughts. I can't tell you the number of times I have thought to myself ""I suck, I should just kill myself"" or I have convinced myself that I have no future, no reason to live or exist.

​

I've also had a horrible history with insane boyfriends. My first one attempted throw me out of a moving car, after that there were multiple narcissists. Most recently I had quit my job because of my increasingly unstable mental health and was totally broke. I started dating a guy who had money and offered to keep me afloat. The plot thickened though and he had a horrendous heroin problem and attempted to smash me and my life into two. I got out by the skin of my teeth and am now job searching, but my fucking God what an adventure it has been navigating this emotional reality. 

​

It feels good to have found this community because I know we're all dealing with this monster inside us that so aggressively minimizes and tries to drag us down. It feels good to know that I am not alone in this battle, and that I'm not a freak, but rather one of many. ",5.370530303030304,6.70527460997068,6.3189919354838775,75.0651545698925,68.29618768328446,9.906207233626587,32.096896383186696,10.125756701596842,3.418287292277615,1426,61,255,36,24,473,191,341,0.147,0.762,0.091,-0.9103,2,1,0,0,0,1,39.0,2,2,0,5,10,16,6,1,18,0,28,8,3,2,2,46,45,24,2,4,8,3,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,21,20,0,1,9,0,3,7,5,12,0,4,17,4,43,4,37,24,8,29,0,2,0,1,22,8,3,4,15,190,64,3,0.0,0.10842830160506572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947801846147753,0.0,0.07318315663952524,0.0,0.2974638819566307,0.33359604522070874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115713221977167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306592723146134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434619872460774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048821754322028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294015034028718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710390607645143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254375296319588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784117015779347,0.0,0.10033961502670184,0.0,0.08460257549285279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351403618714896,0.07319154960184614,0.0,0.0,0.18122511854456036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727436345302992,0.0,0.10844370659075962,0.061339439067235324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012217109650708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162566819603226,0.08134122992612125,0.1012459127348313,0.0,0.1005866378758756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927710684213856,0.0,0.0,0.0808079245784465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780133903879792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556025460142592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922238868951764,0.0,0.0,0.10717927633420317,0.0,0.19452832030194245,0.13454561709884635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402356718310127,0.0,0.09737660828041264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990588775902617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316750082920263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756587337690816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733566405571037,0.0,0.0,0.0586257662698648,0.09409091866583844,0.18071669612430102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477358802444516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566957565456102,0.0,0.10010070204083812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998666184760647,0.0,0.10465343929334382,0.10625400004790156,0.0,0.0,0.08991135714796884,0.14530268346146588,0.16008643155836433,0.0,0.0,0.08744488427824358,0.0,0.06213152674399423,0.0,0.08939520120776158,0.0,0.22015847543696385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33359604522070874,0.05893156779192516
bpd,Amberlynn585,2019/01/05,"I literally can’t deal with myself anymore I woke up in a great mood before work, my SO lost my cigarettes and I freaked out really bad because when I’m in a rush I get really stressed. So I was screaming at 6:30 in the morning. Dropped my son off at the babysitter.. 

I got to work at 6:55 when I’m supposed to clock in and the entire parking lot at work is black ice and I didn’t see it and got out of my car and fell and landed on my elbow first then my ass. It was so icy my phone flew out of my hand and went about 8 parking spaces down the parking lot. I then ice skated to the door at work to get in.

Sat there fine for about 4 hours until I started thinking about jumping off of a bridge into the local river and thought about if it was frozen or not if I’d die on impact from hitting the ice or going through the ice and die from hypothermia. Started crying at work thinking about what was gonna happen when I left then 10 minutes later I felt fine.

I hate myself


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bpd,fruitpunched95,2019/01/05,trouble enjoying uh anything working full time makes me feel like as soon as I get off work I only have 6 hours till its time to get ready for bed so I can wake up on time and I feel so on the clock and pressured to try enjoy anything? Trying to teach myself how to learn to relax but ends up just staring at my computer for four hours.  Might play games or my guitar but only for a moment before I get really antsy and have to quickly jump to something else to stop doing in 10 minutes time. Or almost worse off I get into something but feel like it doesn't keep me stimulated enough so my mind starts to wander again and it never goes well. I get too sad or just start beating myself up about how my hobbies and interests don't provide any kind of financial gain so its probably worthless anyway. feels like if its not directly helping someone or if I can't commodify it then its not worth it anymore and its crushing. ,5.6154152334152325,5.705092497297298,6.213415233415238,80.47049140049144,67.27027027027027,8.673218673218674,30.87223587223587,8.296473431620573,2.191216216216216,732,26,142,9,11,239,116,185,0.162,0.713,0.126,-0.8204,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,15,14,0,1,2,0,8,1,1,4,1,35,21,25,0,2,13,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,2,5,4,1,1,6,4,2,1,0,5,16,10,27,20,2,30,0,2,1,0,2,11,0,8,21,98,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333304890377814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054656422074944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320490190670143,0.0,0.0,0.2191422056858479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133008409277861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122973749244656,0.0,0.11793137678858062,0.1375795406748039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692985578211581,0.2853671544961657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478268907004393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924763665535931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225185306298265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834983566754202,0.0,0.13865523274216993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951510893645699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887865727047155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125110584781236,0.1344435406963857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269348652346952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025331461634489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355821756705267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529929791108437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128175608096021,0.20501074642056866,0.0,0.0,0.18848850712615975,0.0,0.0,0.11131935998793367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310563337268503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808002162397558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197178384412568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386956800500027,0.0,0.13569122279418078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MillenialPhilosopher,2019/01/05,"The core of BPD? I was trying to analyze myself, I'm 24 y.o. living with BPD. My idea of the reason behind my mental illness is that Im just a three year old that is raging against the injustice and hypocritical humans. At age 3 I discovered that the world isnt what I thought it would be( what it was at the age 2) and my sadness became terrible. As I was growing older I saw that telling people im sad isnt okay, and overtime the sadness is turned into rage and anger and all the other feelings to try to explain to the whole world how hypocritical they are. 

I think other people adapt to the change in perception better and don't develop BPD in it's full form and devastating never ending circles of emotional distress.


Cheers",4.033391849529778,5.514598420689657,5.582633228840127,78.516144200627,71.6896551724138,8.031347962382446,28.35423197492163,8.575989854853784,2.1957586206896544,581,22,108,10,11,197,91,145,0.268,0.6759999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,2,11,3,1,10,1,12,1,0,2,2,21,19,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,5,2,11,3,17,12,4,16,0,3,1,0,4,8,0,0,7,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367432796385074,0.0,0.0,0.613802419062818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185116312759433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273502626101326,0.143882987340949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821398894023373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338692023954928,0.3509489850148116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344682974648165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637119660110627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252918945222137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046454633026614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252455419277875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702624230184202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198895868071046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409176593756214,0.0,0.12896760685871653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058654730285987,0.17669957155588967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137026021871092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540022415761772,0.0,0.0,0.104612841077672
bpd,LaughDream,2019/01/05,"I've never dissasociated for longer than a few minutes before, until yesterday. I have zero memory of yesterday and it's really upsetting. I made plans with people, I socialized and behaved normally but I wasn't aware of any of it. I have been very unsettled recently, Wednesday I slept for almost 15 hours which is a clear symptom of stress for me. But still, I felt like I had a handle on things. Only now I'm not sure that I do and I'm scared of spiraling into the awfulness of a full BPD episode.",3.645075757575757,5.3871011212121225,5.803926767676767,75.49255681818184,73.14141414141416,9.798484848484847,27.52651515151515,10.125756701596842,3.060463636363637,397,15,74,12,8,139,71,99,0.162,0.769,0.069,-0.8372,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,3,5,1,7,2,1,1,3,16,12,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,1,10,2,14,6,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,10,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367951796759455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081085502968673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122248990872865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978315137959559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705272554182224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328798728428933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552955767665216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375800924090508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238381009750546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316949255795881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798496093512357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394173103106754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514917009669383,0.0,0.233490165083507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367523543838711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410561016886997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884894212999054,0.0,0.2708808856058442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228745368436168,0.2457876813732205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571032341596635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511633242723145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,s3x2,2019/01/05,"I think killing myself is just the safest thing to do for people around me When I'm at my best, I'm a high-performing data analyst with solid income working to improve people's health. People say I'm kind, fun, yadda yadda. However, every time I have a falling out with my FP du jour, I begin to have some *very* dark thoughts, and this concerns me greatly.

I used to think that these were just stupid ideas I could keep in check or that they would go away as I grew older. Well, four years ago I choked a girl until she passed out and then threatened her with a knife. She was a bit fucked up herself so instead of reporting me we had a quick fling and then parted ways. But ever since then, I've never felt at peace ""just being myself"".

I'm taller and stronger than the average person. I've know a handful of girls who trust me enough to casually crash at my place if they need to. It would be trivial for me to subdue and harm them.

I've gone to several different types of therapists, tried pills, tried doing exercise and meditation. But invariably, stuff happens that breaks me and sends me on a downward spiral. I feel that sooner or later shit will happen in my life that completely pushes me over the edge and I'll seriously hurt someone.

It would be better for everyone if I prevent that possibility from ever happening.",5.776529922779923,6.231346274131276,6.213472490347493,79.34677244208498,66.95366795366796,9.100482625482623,29.31491312741313,9.017664075816787,2.279156177606178,1051,34,200,17,16,340,169,259,0.14,0.746,0.115,-0.8381,3,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,3,3,12,15,4,0,11,0,16,7,2,1,3,43,36,21,1,7,9,0,3,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,13,15,0,2,7,2,1,7,1,7,1,1,6,4,31,8,33,22,5,39,0,1,0,1,14,15,2,5,15,137,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120266903487304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167590514891328,0.0,0.0,0.1178631467361752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165063038592534,0.11094914637419848,0.136957447136842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153053453139105,0.0,0.0,0.10016054813589503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310671505912896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962200158402748,0.0,0.0,0.22695099229474144,0.10569590763655716,0.11987157178260605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343061242474275,0.0,0.1204503877509763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597526584763355,0.0,0.0,0.07129536513841944,0.0,0.0,0.1383075918707573,0.0,0.0,0.3328015104561275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333460606359144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325433981912714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342953864298754,0.1416162688569564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150453411258554,0.13879035687749638,0.13063547610339385,0.0689433034421028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860809937929459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301859274245226,0.0967537411996338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358486752214418,0.0,0.26091091869700184,0.10953693219926988,0.1310671505912896,0.0,0.0,0.14142451652093646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997618105449012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172127963993886,0.12877124799944753,0.10377242891415173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629224355774076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360870377080634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565556463432822,0.0833425162649207,0.16076487343321566,0.0,0.0995922242594238,0.07315012319039371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034281260770415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083473651209782,0.0,0.10350828355539593,0.0,0.09957530812407726,0.0,0.0,0.1127934122178014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132811945650393,0.0,0.0,0.2673453889041393,0.0,0.0,0.08078482483152946
bpd,invalidthrowaway82,2019/01/05,"How to not get scared that your FP hates you despite all evidence to the contrary? I swear I have two moods: ""OMG I love my FP so much! She's the most amazing person ever"" and ""Oh no! My FP hates me! I'm such an awful human and I deserve it."" I have the worst abandonment issues and the silliest thing is that she doesn't hate me. I know that's obvious but like she makes it a point to tell me how much she likes me. She's the kind of person who would tell you to your face if she had a problem with you. How do I internalize that she doesn't hate me?",-0.1726153846153835,1.769380866666669,1.9733333333333365,97.35576923076924,86.16666666666666,5.35897435897436,17.564102564102562,6.67199483983844,-0.2785320512820513,424,10,104,5,13,142,71,120,0.132,0.6940000000000001,0.175,0.8192,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,5,0,0,6,14,4,1,8,1,8,2,1,4,3,19,17,9,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,26,5,6,15,5,2,0,1,0,1,19,1,0,2,3,75,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432291374068755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913460468072143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6737525018584509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806836151184596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765991773233433,0.09376060763176668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666989688318263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539785952226112,0.0,0.11388084406590132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508301118274958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29793319462122736,0.0,0.0,0.1612778349680153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324692163896987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080638988837027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982343649470727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334305982482565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666572928890791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211936226808617,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdefeat,2019/01/05,"Can I get some advice on ex-girlfriend who suffered from quiet BPD. Last January my girlfriend of one year agreed to move in with me. We'd just had a wonderful Christmas, we were in love, and everything was amazing. That didn't last long though, as one week into the move, something strange happened. It was like a switch was flipped in her mind, and her personally completely changed. She became extremely cold and hostile for no reason that I could figure out. We hadn't had an argument or anything close to it, yet she was treating me like I had just killed her family. It all came to a head when she lead me to a public place and broke up with me in the most callous manner, which was completely unlike her. It broke me, but it didn't seem to effect her at all. She ended the conversation with ""So yeah, just going to take a bus home. Send me my stuff"". Oh, and there was a threat to call the police if I tried to contact her again.

A few days later I took a car load of her things, along with some flowers, to her parents house, where she was living. She refused to even acknowledge me, stayed in her room the whole time while I unpacked the car, and didn't so much as thank me. I didn't recognise this side of her in the slightest. It was literally like someone else had taken over her body.

I'm sorry for the length of this, but I just wanted to give some context for my question. It's now one year on and she hasn't contacted me since. I've been reading some BPD books and researching the disorder in general, and it seems I witnessed what is called rapid devaluation. My question is, does this devaluation usually mean the feelings she had for me are gone forever? What's the chances she would want to talk to me again if I contacted her? I realise you cannot speak for an individual, since everyone is different, but there are trends and that's what I'm interested in.",5.440748531139839,5.863499213513517,5.8006698002350205,82.12727967097534,67.67567567567568,9.137485311398356,30.68155111633372,9.085049710711278,2.3549012925969444,1479,54,301,25,23,474,196,370,0.07,0.8440000000000001,0.086,0.6877,3,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,3,1,0,2,16,14,3,0,21,1,31,3,2,3,2,57,51,23,1,6,10,1,1,3,1,1,0,2,2,1,21,21,0,1,11,2,0,10,8,6,0,3,24,4,51,8,45,24,10,48,0,3,0,1,44,20,0,13,20,215,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034252108226856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709695469736513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175639114948824,0.2666024871687386,0.0,0.21614808572191216,0.12105228141328694,0.0,0.0,0.11196423985085747,0.0,0.22194156800694811,0.0,0.0,0.08450429090444621,0.0,0.0,0.06825777201410725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110579832356308,0.12130132606594395,0.0,0.09262092807559022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841538650265637,0.0,0.09374245138590598,0.0,0.0,0.06990604316836778,0.0,0.0,0.1011342525736471,0.09512178826191592,0.0,0.09977613479448633,0.0,0.053515670833940786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529681121361086,0.10153096756416732,0.060151071334209126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935935894136248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862194189647244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061657265118102,0.0,0.0,0.12212466288630615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709581178005456,0.0,0.0,0.17254676481804865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512361515511625,0.0,0.09345828657357093,0.09366469608161004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955243515294718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529032853616054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686780245493048,0.0,0.0,0.22498144334600895,0.07780426799499708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151589119039153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752232626113406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241503721394333,0.110579832356308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23712910009699295,0.0,0.10586821983862303,0.0,0.0,0.10882071389057736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270475377448934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510318551620974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967753110039735,0.0814804781104674,0.0,0.11847874252016685,0.0,0.1128109078992928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116099507955452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957819086750904,0.0850698437815097,0.0,0.09744286356073276,0.0,0.0,0.07031511278875914,0.0,0.10398684815121256,0.0,0.06171590915607032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759166566294307,0.07185812606852288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656734242446352,0.0,0.12485385079843653,0.0,0.084898125443503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816610925038,0.0,0.0,0.11477850768482765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518539962882301,0.0,0.0,0.13631443647784489
bpd,dbsx77,2019/01/05,"1st time having a potential friend over at my place since I moved in four months ago... ...and I am so incredibly nervous! I have known her since late summer when she asked me to join her Bible study group after meeting me at church. Since then, a lot of major life changes happened in rapid succession and let’s just say that this fall was REALLY rough on me and my BPD/bipolar symptoms. Anyways, one major change was my best friend/FP moving three states away (only to ghost me and abandon me completely weeks later). He was my last friend left where I live, so his physical absence was agonizing. I fell into a horrific depressive episode and things hit the damn fan. I felt totally  unlovable - unlikable even - and the only thing that gave me hope for the next week was Bible study. Still, I treaded very carefully around these new people I was meeting from my Bible study group. They could not have been more welcoming or inclusive, but I am terrified to really open up to them in fear of word-vomit and oversharing. I am scared to be social with them outside of our meetings. I am anxious and paranoid about how they would perceive me and thinking of all the ways in which they would judge me. 

Over the winter break, I had a coming-to-Jesus moment. I resolved that I didn’t have to be lonely, that I didn’t have to immediately withdraw out of terror, anxiety, paranoia, or fear of judgment whenever someone reaches out their hand to include me or invite me to things. I could use a friend, and I shouldn’t pass up the opportunity to make one. 

So when this girl asked if I wanted to get together after I came back from my winter vacation, I said yes and I promised myself that I wouldn’t bail. She has consistently asked me to hang out and is persistent even though I decline. It makes me feel like she wants to be my friend. It gives me hope that people are kind. 

Anyways! She is coming over in 20 mins and while I’m still have lingering anxiety, paranoia, and worry, I am excited to have her over! Wish me luck that I don’t word-vomit! Thanks for reading. ",5.817651515151518,6.459488613636367,5.933559595959598,80.73467272727275,66.90404040404039,9.164282828282829,30.233939393939394,9.174902378510234,2.432160121212121,1625,57,312,28,25,515,220,396,0.13699999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.166,0.9105,0,2,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,0,6,5,18,28,1,5,11,1,37,3,1,4,2,56,62,28,1,12,7,0,4,1,4,4,2,2,0,1,16,23,0,1,6,1,0,8,6,10,0,4,14,6,62,18,48,37,7,59,1,3,0,0,35,24,1,8,25,221,78,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236277517340533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215811897544645,0.10496652637546933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271327970718056,0.2605865231588915,0.0,0.08729588902958259,0.07144523510034641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750765306282948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170221012914088,0.0,0.0,0.10626901862424074,0.09473215374121513,0.0,0.19658167117623188,0.08003730071941369,0.09741870350836182,0.0,0.0,0.14836875371713834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002680892368404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227378206618557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910846864322746,0.04698017876362441,0.066377877103969,0.08921214114718826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589261537634078,0.0,0.04854380100989437,0.08913170538419435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216366333938692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456940310615427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675577431149986,0.0,0.07573742167402496,0.10481119211622336,0.0,0.10095148029318304,0.09501099887105184,0.06562800183717665,0.045393153425164576,0.0,0.08204488408250939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899227552497676,0.0,0.0,0.1240418141298965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416317665733163,0.1975060437846596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973705123661167,0.09881523739704702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592204596417664,0.1413307741311718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882992541716035,0.0,0.0970754960331386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929392795773526,0.0,0.1190463490542926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838262016671487,0.0738890500031507,0.09302325883039267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23057859957949764,0.0,0.0,0.0947142603856657,0.07872584565463651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840269757250404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657336317184603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554285273799273,0.0,0.0,0.18518406947663002,0.059535626443500765,0.09128766656721901,0.0,0.05417897971808495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024798102005533,0.0,0.07666389270193377,0.1096063291075726,0.07375091611581748,0.1490602303167905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684667059415523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435881495538652,0.0,0.13200707231857903,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brainfunk90,2019/01/05,"If I keep telling my SO 'I'm sorry and I wish I were better' will he leave? It is not by any shortage of attention to change my thinking that I'm in such despair. The feelings I have are overwhelming, dark, infuriating, confusing. And they are PHYSICAL. I overwhelmingly feel my emotions, physically. I fight to have my good days and I'm proud to do so. I am usually in a space where I am not afraid of my disorder but since my dad killed himself in April, I'm terrified for my future. 

My dad had BPD or Narcissism, I'm absolutely sure of it. He had dispositions to his personality that made him a human wreckingball...much like myself on my unchecked days. Add alcohol, benzos and opiates and that was dad most of his days. I was daddy's girl. I listened to every lesson my dad told me. Especially the one where he told me to never take any shit from anyone. And then that turned on him. It was war ever since I questioned his behavior as a child. We had all out hell unleashed on each other at points. Let me tell you. RIP. 

Since his suicide in April 18' I have never spiraled harder or for longer amounts of time. I haven't dealt with this amount of emotion bringing these types of physical feelings before. I haven't been so disassociated and confused for such long periods of time after these overwhelming physical reactions. My moods are so quick to change. And I internalize mostly everything but if I can't contain all the angry thoughts inside I find myself picking apart the man who loves me. Maybe because I don't believe he loves me these days. I dont think it's possible to love me because I'm so inconsistent. Who is me anyway. I'm not myself since my dad passed.  

I'm not mean to my boyfriend, I'm actually very nice...I'm codependent. But in my head I'm counting all the things he could be doing to help himself have a better life because in my brain that means I'll have a better life. This is making me suffer silently and lose sight of the future I once saw for us. I know in the beginning of our relationship i idealized him, he did the same with me. 

He met me just two months before my dad killed himself and he's been with me. He's held me, grounded me, made sense of things for me at times. But I cant help but feel like this isnt healthy for either of us anymore. He grew up with his mother, grandmother and sister who are all bipolar. I feel like I'm dragging him back or keeping him from a healthier relationship but if he leaves I'll be so heartbroken. 

I really dont know how to manage how I'm feeling. I dont want him to leave because I can feel this powerful love but I dont want to lean on him for love until he leaves me. I'm actively trying to find a therapist but everywhere seems to be  overwhelmed it's been hard to get started. 

I know me wanting his love to fill in my grief is part of my disorder. I know that I'm picking him apart in my head and loving him to his face. And that's FUXKED UP! Maybe I think theres alot wrong with him if he loves me. Maybe i'm scared of that. I'm chicken shit of that actually. WOW REAL TIME REALIZATIONS! *** Even though that's a shitty thought, its helpful in a way. 

When I spiral I'm negative, have crying episodes, want to hit myself, sometimes I do, i get anxious to where it's hard to speak, hot and cold flashes, I throw up. I ruminate until I'm confused and cry some more. I manically clean. Sometimes I faint. The silver lining is very difficult to find when I feel like this for days at a time and I feel so poorly about how this must look from the outside. 

I apologize to my boyfriend alot. I thank him too. But I'm doing my best to not act out. To be silent when I'm rageful. But I feel like I thank him and apologize alot which brings up something for me. He's choosing to be with me. I'm disrespecting his decision to love me through my healing, through my fits. But I just feel so terrible about my mental state and I can tell it has an effect on our relationship.

What do I do? I just want to feel better. I'll do whatever it takes. I feel like I was wired wrong. I want a loving relationship, I have one. And now I'm afraid of it and am pushing him away by apologizing for what I go through. 

All I want is to make some headway with this grief and I feel like I will be able to be a more present partner to him. But I feel so guilty in the mean time. I would suggest a break if that didnt terrify me. Maybe that would be best. 

Does anyone have experience with balancing anything similar? 

Thank you. I love you guys. This sub has been a huge huge portion of me understanding myself so I welcome and thank any responses. ",1.6341443611705913,3.8780004743040735,3.3270730728051383,88.53784015881511,81.1948608137045,6.632566024268381,23.86192897930049,7.793537801064563,1.2463312276945029,3609,132,761,64,96,1197,353,934,0.149,0.669,0.182,0.9924,1,0,2,0,1,1,104.0,5,3,1,12,36,62,8,10,29,0,71,23,6,10,10,149,169,63,6,18,29,8,18,7,1,5,6,2,1,7,42,35,1,4,38,0,1,9,19,27,0,3,23,24,145,34,106,130,23,84,1,9,3,11,99,37,3,20,42,497,187,2,0.04356125812289773,0.0,0.08501900828183827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046553737108836826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886944790828427,0.0,0.0,0.04921182245971492,0.043201062798680516,0.06091808905846088,0.0,0.035847203775406795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409272359553928,0.0334959186205148,0.0,0.1062181545229538,0.0,0.0741348444486445,0.04907862074262053,0.09142970576785438,0.15410557136644087,0.0,0.0,0.05486387967165726,0.04862877063817687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216407015465104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034780119999299815,0.0,0.09569999313780986,0.14046703878149394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984995155851308,0.0,0.03812075053748605,0.0,0.20421388037085775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800110440641964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028771800154163987,0.03940365190125433,0.03670223875019848,0.0,0.03915004995472194,0.04261126919427756,0.0,0.0,0.33038821464441603,0.18672102904169444,0.0,0.0,0.11944260223679365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551791888917731,0.0,0.024756866860830163,0.03653711656359356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043132494232914695,0.0,0.0,0.07804466195006936,0.0,0.08941283651473157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759457926359837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743849547708126,0.09638815595129598,0.0,0.09576051295610442,0.0,0.0,0.18450033041204905,0.0,0.044544337796197486,0.06153720974331026,0.14897281248296124,0.0,0.0,0.03855034264591339,0.03658048564002876,0.048733905301228266,0.0,0.0,0.43247309821081215,0.08243743140608703,0.05815495611149427,0.0,0.17505255526198096,0.14235294154874875,0.0,0.0,0.04389950247062562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03477018063505257,0.0,0.032022536942929385,0.0,0.06719425546151722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639131821521828,0.059036471756593524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717259753348325,0.0,0.0,0.03803601035686095,0.0,0.0,0.04117946916908248,0.0491087733342622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048798578559905145,0.0,0.0,0.04958224851694075,0.027906457403291896,0.0,0.0,0.1870739555129374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043612418703942515,0.0,0.0,0.03965653334864929,0.0,0.0,0.08943001094210933,0.14413729147552667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033535584713524545,0.08616639628406378,0.04876326205585303,0.03083288270795212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764894610815814,0.0,0.041055970254517,0.0,0.06550528968591167,0.0,0.11422337891875665,0.16042141535983792,0.0,0.05057797816436077,0.05788032854621989,0.08373688583592613,0.04279871493315908,0.06916554621966145,0.15240551953091938,0.0,0.0,0.0832492978262686,0.0,0.029575234829365832,0.04738213990755015,0.04255301948770348,0.04534880597621605,0.10479765993120016,0.0,0.04797657153417992,0.0718852001108021,0.17985491071915932,0.034576899088290036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500932970276897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061889335873906236,0.09525479479304984,0.0,0.0
bpd,crybaby_ow,2019/03/29,"Has anyone here tried ketamine as a BPD treatment? Doubt I could convince the doc, but I've been reading that it works wonders for depression. I would rather throw that in my med mix and drop my SSRI. ",4.2723076923076935,5.894951615384617,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,71.30769230769229,6.225641025641028,28.384615384615394,6.42735559955562,1.1909076923076922,159,6,31,1,3,48,35,39,0.225,0.7390000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.8381,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,20,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418247295219303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.435583028528356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276131219529868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978780880684586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841587913031679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34594125742740256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348078632701504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750570410521272,0.2517812199737373,0.0,0.0,0.2456802591695972,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexisaguilarawr,2019/03/29,"Gulit help? Did i cheat? I have always been affectionate with my friends who are girls and guys. I need attention and love platonic touch. I hold hands and cuddle them. Irecently got married to the love of my . It was an impulsive decision and i am only 19. He is leaving for basic in the military. The stress got to me and my bad thoughts almost won. I reconnected with one my close guy friends who suffered with cancer when we saw each other in the same volunteer program. I was at a low point. But, i got so happy seeing my friend and taking care of him. I told my friend about my love and told him deep stuff. I went to go after spending time with my husband to drop my friend a drink. He invited me in. He went to shower while I played on his comp.  he came out with a towel on but ithought nothing of it. He put his clothes on in the bathroom. We ate some fruit and i peeled it and gave it to him. Later, we chilled in the bed watching avengers. He then placed his hand over my shoulder as if to cuddle. I felt so uncomfortable and made up an excuse and left.  The worst part about it all was that my bpd thoughts were like your friend is here u dont have to worry about being alone when your hubby is gone. I felt indecent thoughts. My friend is handsome, and sometimes random thoughts would come into my head “what if u get blackout drunk and do something with him”. I love my friend and kept telling him that he was my friend and i am happy with platoncy. But, i love my husband with all my heart...   i told my husband later. He was upset that i told him so late but he was happy that i got myself out of that situation. I am working now on my boundaries with my friends and not going to put myself in awkward positions with guy friends. Did i cheat? Am i a bad person? I feel tremendous gulit and hate making mistakes. Please help. I feel like i always need attention. But i dont want to jeopardize my husband and i. He is the best thing on the planet. I almost let the bad thoughts win..",1.5495451846574042,3.8278825087281834,2.670229782686146,92.9237177888612,81.76807980049875,5.51480821755136,22.764576653604088,6.7636006534598385,0.573057665360408,1550,53,329,17,42,494,189,401,0.12,0.645,0.235,0.9957,2,1,2,0,0,0,45.0,3,2,1,4,10,41,3,3,16,0,28,17,5,2,2,74,72,33,0,7,8,4,7,2,11,1,1,0,2,5,16,38,4,2,12,3,1,9,3,13,0,1,35,11,69,28,47,34,8,43,0,2,3,7,61,23,0,6,12,220,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354952987767288,0.06906489731897009,0.0,0.0,0.11097347715783028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703599293019392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998113318166725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398663077651759,0.0,0.0,0.0762691554132281,0.06798916043316547,0.0,0.0,0.05744268090974713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630717215763648,0.0653252964963283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743524315649921,0.047639327909328726,0.1280549071778041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5667219751046055,0.0,0.03483983150972573,0.0,0.07579652947139599,0.0,0.2133343326313711,0.0,0.0,0.1980840339376234,0.0,0.21296025850514905,0.0,0.06583701057542687,0.06843740300527178,0.0,0.0,0.07902130061278409,0.08939425636276756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522287496437358,0.07060912034109798,0.07245276412028429,0.06818928726993376,0.0,0.06515723054754276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009262414342832,0.06309836412502458,0.04451233540164549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889123216498852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398545238505292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451870555403939,0.05071646899740621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221267536172123,0.0,0.0,0.058226220551146526,0.06967097456641777,0.07319941432927092,0.06303828481279272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407242224262855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313880996853574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495602687956014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133688663772062,0.0659525479547094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638672158574998,0.0,0.07633765060729877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013834795939162,0.0,0.058285079416599314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430213295092753,0.0,0.0,0.264699708969351,0.03888419294488688,0.0,0.0,0.2548790964395161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03933216970101952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363415984970302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854701623669627,0.0677212156055311,0.0,0.04737066383341166,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KimberKisses,2019/03/29,Online therapy? Is there such a thing and does anyone have recommendations for a therapist? I'm thinking like video or voice chatting with a therapist. ,5.366410256410255,8.827645384615387,5.943846153846152,67.8844871794872,75.92307692307692,9.620512820512822,31.743589743589745,9.725611199111238,4.280220512820514,124,6,18,4,3,40,23,26,0.0,0.88,0.12,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324869898314475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909670568973551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243939209982733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38023497341367857,0.7721005091875747,0.2208937207674427,0.21304822948042648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,occultpretzel,2019/03/29,"I blew my chance to get out of this mess First off - got diagnosed with BPD seven years ago. Due to my illness I spent most of my time sleeping and doing nothing, but everything changed, when I started university again and finally made the education to persue my dream job - after absolving a very successful internship, I got a job at a little agency, which seemed really nice at the beginning. The boss was friendly and the job seemed interesting. But now, after working 3 months in that position, I noticed that my boss is an abusive narcissist, and that he pays me 500€ less than the girl who worked the job before me. This job has drained me of everything by now, and so naturally I was looking for a different one. Last week I had a very good job interview at a cool agency and they asked me to come for an afternoon and do some trial work - and I blew it. I don't know why, I made mistakes, I usually don't do before - of course they didn't hire me... and now? I have to go back to that shithole of a job, back to my sexist and abusive boss, who exploits me, back to that shitty pay... I thought this was my chance to get away from it all... I am crying my eyes out since I came home. Mostly because I am so disappointed in myself. How could I have blown this amazing chance? I feel like a complete failure, now that I have failed in one of the few things that I have always considered myself to be good at. It's like everything I have worked for had crumbled down in a few seconds. I don't know how to live with this anymore. How can I return on Monday to my job, where my boss is treating me like a slave? I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like the biggest loser in the world right now, because I was stupid enough to think that I would be actually good at something. My self esteem is non existent at this moment, I just can't concentrate, I just want to die. It's not about the new job per se, but I was hoping that I would get away from my current job. I can't quit, evenhtough my bf tells me I should, but I need the money. ",4.870144578313251,4.887778375903618,5.75484337349398,83.36961445783136,68.855421686747,9.049638554216868,29.61204819277109,8.841846274778883,2.090568192771084,1586,54,338,25,25,523,199,415,0.14,0.7090000000000001,0.151,0.4643,12,0,1,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,2,9,20,21,1,0,23,1,36,4,2,9,1,54,63,20,1,8,8,0,2,4,2,3,2,0,1,2,24,16,0,0,9,1,4,3,8,6,0,5,15,5,59,15,51,42,8,56,0,3,2,0,12,23,0,6,34,240,83,24,0.0,0.16306299271832844,0.06715102109960394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099808158102931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057257467622965824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648691219275108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433034812590671,0.0,0.12930311659615734,0.15873757058518614,0.0,0.08389485692290223,0.0,0.1171086467460061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666686699577976,0.0,0.0,0.0787031065178392,0.0,0.0,0.07279444379148822,0.05927582926303088,0.07214854054650563,0.0,0.0,0.0549411389080776,0.0,0.07558724088059983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984318432240823,0.07141645498965779,0.07189436021408227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110165156952561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553256856478856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958728068308773,0.09831925051672673,0.0,0.07538067119998276,0.0,0.05853183151783978,0.0,0.0,0.05316432517658744,0.0,0.10785498890805634,0.0,0.03910769891412209,0.17314984506621273,0.11007119859942012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690244940834767,0.06834628559035234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6828573484067071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345256236183232,0.05609132786361869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344731412956292,0.06896814869167947,0.06076265062747624,0.0,0.057785123884397716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022400067044415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492543798491297,0.0,0.0,0.05102355687953225,0.0,0.06645948926134916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602739793522784,0.07834342599481015,0.0,0.0,0.09325818874365882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319050674131576,0.0,0.0,0.04408301502862776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058765453002688414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528853306801788,0.07178638874127216,0.0,0.0,0.05692236651965552,0.0,0.0688621416468334,0.0,0.0,0.0529751828960466,0.0,0.0,0.048705803540303017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014511094126693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045715931554679165,0.04409223694967195,0.0,0.05462939579541392,0.04012509070830572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578718765334236,0.11355494934468435,0.040587363591287035,0.0,0.055197193575663474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209252953306825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038512131405076,0.0,0.0,0.09776477479794222,0.0,0.0,0.044312959197386426
bpd,holdmycraftbeer,2019/03/29,"30F Borderline who can't maintain jobs/relationships or afford therapy I've displayed borderline tendencies since my teenage years. I was a cutter for 15 years, I have never been able to hold a relationship for longer than a few months, I don't have friends for more than a few years. I'm a functioning alcoholic and smoke weed everyday. I also used to be addicted to painkillers and xanax. Tax season is stressful because I have to round up all the W-2's from jobs I cant keep (usually 3-6 per year). I've been in and out of school, but I haven't finished. 

I just want to get to the point where I can go back to school and finish a nursing degree, hold and job and relationship. I can't afford psych appointments ($125/appt until my $8,000 deductible is met) or DBT therapy (several hundred dollar a month) - so I self medicate with alcohol and weed. 

Does anyone have any advice for cheap or free BPD treatment? I just want to get better because I'm sick of living in the chaos. ",5.57368739205527,6.03130411917099,6.212033678756478,79.17155656303977,67.39378238341969,9.956649395509501,31.627374784110536,9.928628108626363,2.95926286701209,777,30,152,17,12,254,119,193,0.092,0.861,0.047,-0.6997,5,0,3,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,10,0,16,6,0,1,2,23,26,14,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,9,2,3,0,0,4,1,6,1,0,0,4,1,14,4,23,21,4,21,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,3,14,86,15,6,0.12789471932106028,0.0,0.0,0.1394241220295546,0.0,0.12497723952268372,0.0,0.27336111937278684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022773608339625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697279483512105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942696144962646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834314468800848,0.0,0.1559268676445027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311248598535367,0.0,0.0,0.16107892181797862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192153074516424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881114289088272,0.0,0.13363942437075935,0.0,0.0726855163251219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538315488944403,0.11367870293994715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293338030037475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884047450907873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041686895505488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864029199975158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209018489849741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119331958647768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25887256785220875,0.0,0.0,0.1334220850537204,0.14448462904827625,0.0,0.10579583344994344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650296887112374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925175153578878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045997395475846,0.14085796450230126,0.0,0.1508712381869568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294400241987132
bpd,scenegrandma,2019/03/29,"Bones so hollow you can hear the wind through them. The harrowing loneliness I feel down to my bones hurts so much I find myself just stuck to any horizontal flat surface covered in blankets. I deleted all my social media. I even feel like deleting my own reddit because it’s clear I’m just stupid and annoying to everyone around me, even when I’m being anonymous. I spend my days just procrastinating killing myself so I don’t actually do it. I just feel like a pointless human being. ",4.337499999999999,6.615755793478261,5.1841304347826105,78.37771739130439,72.58695652173913,7.643478260869566,29.97826086956522,8.472884824447931,2.49975652173913,391,17,68,7,8,127,63,92,0.19,0.732,0.078,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,0,11,6,3,0,3,0,5,2,2,0,2,12,12,5,1,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,16,2,7,9,3,6,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.2366439983023235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649076044282594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587548190865213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478251116225695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639176395352578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32033654423566066,0.0,0.0,0.2317181427024188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678442724066569,0.34648260251850765,0.0,0.0,0.22163965080412049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733139455525391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25960014584166663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682891634972784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369454797513025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826463354730673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471971450867536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fromtheget,2019/03/29,"Long distance FP is dating someone else which caused a spiral My FP and I are only not together because of the distance. We’ve had a few good conversations about this topic, and I was totally okay. Until he started seeing someone else. We still talk, but obviously not the same way or as much as before. I’m really struggling with this and am not entirely sure why aside from just blaming my BPD, which doesn’t help improve my thoughts or mental stability. Can anyone offer any advice here?

TLDR; FP is seeing someone else and now I’m spiraling down ",3.224195804195805,5.946064846153848,4.662657342657344,78.47325174825177,78.42307692307692,6.858741258741258,26.762237762237763,8.00094639256281,2.1437807692307698,440,18,73,8,11,146,77,104,0.10099999999999999,0.8009999999999999,0.098,-0.3096,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,1,8,0,0,1,3,19,14,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,6,3,8,11,4,8,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,6,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748143793977857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165491261977382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508772658887785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905289116170214,0.0,0.1522266915530086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253123197409353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837747128603806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483321077442854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004885798918466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990972304988905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583166772080426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802843473032647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150860139277631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360579079458655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146048855989948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28511272405110205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547321244174724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662298708739889,0.0,0.14286598718052648,0.0,0.0,0.18702016998336846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686066671300105,0.0,0.0,0.14378923502149882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202285509305165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199873194632087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142514841755387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saxybandgeek1,2019/03/29,"Pros and cons to getting diagnosed? I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I’ve felt that there’s something else going on, and I relate to a lot of posts here. What would be the pros and cons if I do seek a diagnosis? ",4.462318840579711,5.0220576956521725,6.037826086956525,79.08471014492756,69.8695652173913,10.481159420289854,30.55072463768116,10.504223727775694,3.1354724637681155,178,7,37,5,3,61,35,46,0.099,0.9009999999999999,0.0,-0.4696,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,10,7,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372065199858403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670671360478202,0.6294391792235461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25902786766377245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977206183442138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200138532264932,0.0,0.17622276349969404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636146696099537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29696612946418205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387108775523472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026837766204296,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Entropyexempt,2019/03/29,"Advice needed A therapist is saw insisted I had BPD yet the only criteria I meet is self harm and suicidal ideation. 

-I don’t have abandonment issues. 
-I’m not an angry person(nearly impossible to make me angry) 
- my moods don’t swing 
-and my relationships don’t go through extremes of love and hate 

Anyway I’d like any advice or input you might have thanks ",3.1440671641791056,6.1164877910447775,4.759832089552241,75.85377798507467,81.5373134328358,8.126119402985074,24.792910447761198,8.841846274778883,2.573658208955224,290,11,49,8,8,97,55,67,0.19,0.655,0.155,-0.5856,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,9,17,4,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,7,3,3,14,0,2,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555736857210513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851893053416866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29358672981119216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324785564845318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301422554598861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24330034682671856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388299580029995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103857490655913,0.0,0.15559894314133976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472868454862123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284389902229502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728633882384898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353770026045487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502668019495745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24317864307395984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549782908274834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461113855346087,0.0,0.2706520810887456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PhoebexT,2019/03/29,Being diagnosed and work.. How do I explain myself if I just found out last week that I have BPD and I’ve been unable to control my emotions over the last few weeks at work? Do I tell my boss or just continue with my therapy and pray I don’t get fired?.. also dealing with the feelings of complete embarrassment because I’ve gotten emotional and I now feel as thought the entire work crew hates me because I’m weak and “dramatic”.  Thank you in advance. ,4.932509363295882,5.85608339325843,5.707359550561801,80.56343632958803,69.0,8.629962546816481,32.810861423220985,8.841846274778883,2.7428861423220967,358,16,68,6,6,117,64,89,0.102,0.825,0.07200000000000001,-0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,5,5,4,1,1,3,0,6,2,0,3,0,20,16,10,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,3,12,1,9,11,1,11,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,6,44,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540603572508656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216786540280832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290032444075923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064090392499206,0.0,0.20393310850426888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874544276608485,0.0,0.18454937121896667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40905912959325663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387318704741976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199362617262866,0.0,0.0,0.09499648189925723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951534529332694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29642460859982755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892377350476275,0.16740077811540197,0.20793366167021146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434938415144805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29169939676338746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39711406881272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stitchingpixie,2019/03/29,"Obsessed with a family living near me So I found out that a woman who leaves near me is a prolific blogger and poster on social media. They are a family of four and I've only spoken to them in passing or when collecting parcels they've taken in. It started when I took a parcel for her and looked her up on Facebook, found her blog title and it's slowly become an obsession. I will spend hours every day scouring through old posts taking absolutely everything in. I stalk her twitter feed and instagram and whenever there's a new post I get a notification. I know so much about her and her children. 

​

I think part of it is jealousy, like I want to be like her. I would love to have a family like she has but that isn't going to happen any time soon for me. It also doesn't help I have sustained an injury which I have been off work for the past 4 weeks and I've literally been sitting at home waiting for someone to talk to/text me as it can be quite lonely. Seeing somebody I know share their life feels as if she is actually speaking to me. It has passed the time somewhat and made me feel like I have a friend. That's so tragic lol. 

​

I need to stop stalking this poor woman and figure out my own life. ",2.6285410557184754,4.572322250000003,4.032170087976542,86.23189149560119,76.5,6.6058651026392985,23.772727272727273,7.520522993642371,1.0873806451612908,970,31,194,13,22,320,149,248,0.107,0.7979999999999999,0.095,-0.5992,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,2,9,11,0,2,13,1,19,4,0,1,0,31,40,21,0,4,3,0,2,4,1,2,2,1,1,3,12,13,1,2,8,1,2,4,2,4,0,1,7,5,33,7,30,29,4,32,0,2,2,1,23,12,0,3,17,133,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.11483417449045966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410494124236574,0.0,0.25500240236185895,0.2859768802523013,0.08002327866995182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996318757891526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589087084205855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914656437438443,0.0,0.10575902397984413,0.0,0.3328015639263707,0.0,0.11900039346274988,0.08406729923631498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804991230098523,0.09091568965035124,0.0,0.06148051766064845,0.0,0.06687761775600375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405993041152968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887531194772608,0.0,0.11803797869194893,0.0,0.11588652369076395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934259851212945,0.0,0.0,0.1246012130948994,0.0,0.0,0.16623517079600802,0.22996094354123825,0.0,0.1039094969875238,0.0,0.09881766338669856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620660490788154,0.11134726896895776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650492799778002,0.08725478686522396,0.0,0.11365159399533856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348049304881102,0.0,0.0,0.08949741238014698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274309452862772,0.11233444441316467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254009288966799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516222813217934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377202481086634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995520822873545,0.09970594892503036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329122403290146,0.0,0.0,0.09838186840482824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847722430381469,0.09458299526158492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540161785541613,0.0,0.0,0.1372348950884464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074165252690256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940797498576047,0.0,0.09439207408402016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566906209861544,0.0,0.0,0.08359319802088314,0.0,0.2859768802523013,0.0
bpd,cutieflan,2019/03/29,"How can't I stop being so horrible to my boyfriend... I've been with him for 3 years now and we are on a long distance relationship without a clear ""closing the gap"" talk. That always made me anxious and 2 years ago I got diagnosed with depression and bpd. He doesn't know just the depression and anxiety. So far he's been very patient, but lately I've gotten worse. My mood swings started to be 24/7, I'm being more suicidal (2 years ago I tried it), plus we've been arguing for the past 2 weeks. I can tell he's getting tired and I feel so sick of myself because I can't stop. It's causing me so much insecurity to the point that I want to control him and I see him as a god. So whenever a small thing goes wrong I start spiraling and causes him to leave me.

Today he said he was done and I told him next week I was going to start therapy and he said he was going to stay just because of that. I feel on a deadline now and under pressure, I don't want to disappoint him. At this point I'm so sick of me cause I know I don't make him happy and whenever I ask him to care for me he just yells and says I'm annoying him, then he hangs up and goes to play games until I apologize, but sometimes I don't even know for what. I feel so on edge. How can I stop...",0.9181918819188226,2.6024907380073827,3.1372309963099627,91.87741845018448,80.73431734317344,6.697623616236164,22.279114391143914,7.699297019823105,0.8123926494464948,974,31,228,16,25,333,134,271,0.218,0.708,0.075,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,1,15,12,2,2,9,0,19,4,0,8,1,44,46,28,1,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,18,0,4,6,2,0,3,7,8,0,0,13,8,38,3,29,30,2,37,0,3,1,0,30,11,0,0,22,136,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929830105718104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057431146354622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327215091814208,0.1229727642527534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176274343955036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327114037100161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709638464165955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109827600420292,0.335465660519847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208775450756723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750964231149808,0.11048337610876682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139428334914428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189629687828956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651178517707398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687113410011251,0.0,0.123727193993104,0.0,0.08705958750008481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587590883402163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946807894759864,0.0,0.1227907835404042,0.11525947679995475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963313683808294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299922164233943,0.07266013887092115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001938740394197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157662667576542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391238550634126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580230119819226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686724997816607,0.0,0.0,0.20708802108825586,0.08656417470075334,0.0,0.0,0.08674164761093538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076582760720104,0.0,0.2311398741378632,0.11602268069875528,0.0,0.2730176311439143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906737697932893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749181711192458,0.09514221004805376,0.0,0.12448274841709145,0.0,0.07231701287848874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251103661363079,0.1031797970312211,0.10401358620865317,0.0,0.07390395637895045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981502131651474,0.12840849111974784,0.0,0.17463041976486332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493028642912106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093037850230757,0.0,0.11901353006809552,0.0,0.2102930465582961
bpd,MargaReaper,2019/03/29,"I [23M] started seeing someone [23F] with BPD recently and she is really growing on me. What are your dating experiences with somebody who doesn‘t have a mental illness? This is going to be a longer text than I expected, 

Note: I discovered this subreddit yesterday, so I‘m new here. If I did anything wrong with this post, please tell me.

About a week ago, I met this girl. Let‘s call her S. We met as complete strangers and didn‘t know anything about each other at all and even though we‘ve been meeting almost every day since then, we are still getting to know each other, so keep that in mind.

Her BPD was one of the first things she told me about herself and I appreciated that she was so open about it, that was very brave of her after all, but I‘m absolutely fine with it and I let her know that. Many of my friends used to have mental health issues and they usually tend to come to me if something was wrong, so it is nothing new to me, but I had yet to date somebody.

And even though we‘ve only known each other for a week now, I can see that she is already very comfortable around me. She also told me, that I am the first person she ever met, that listens to her and she feels like she can tell me anything without me judging. But I also know that she is holding it back. She doesn‘t want me to see her at, what is in her opinion, her abolute worst. At least not yet. She‘s afraid she could scare me off.

S is really sweet, she is open about herself and she has her heart in the right place. She can be focused when she is serious and when she is happy, her body will just start dancing instinctively (which is probably the cutest habit I‘ve ever seen). I also feel very comfortable around her, she seems to understand me. S is a fun person, but also somebody you can talk to about anything.

And I: When I‘m out, I am witty, charismatic and outgoing. My easy manners and optimism can be very contagious. Yet when I‘m alone with somebody, it is where I become calm and empathetic. I believe that‘s also the reason why I attract so many people who struggle in their life. Because I seem so carefree and I am fun to be around, yet they still know, that I will watch their back and be there for them.

But I also do have my flaws, which are more important in this situation: 

- I am not too confident about myself. I know what my strengths are, but I do not really believe in them, I just acknowledge them as something my friends say about me. 

- If somebody expects me to say something they want to hear, I disappoint them most of the time. I speak what I think.

- I am having a really hard time figuring out the „you know what‘s the problem“ game, if you know what I mean.

- I talk too much. I overshare things. And sometimes that can be annoying, but once I‘m made aware of it, I can tone it down.

This is just some information I‘m throwing out that I think is relevant, but if there is anything you want to know or unclear, you can ask. 

Just one more thing: S and I agreed on trying out if „we“ could work. I said to her, that if at any point, she doesn‘t feel like this is not working anymore, she can tell me without having to have to fear anything. I can accept such things easily and I‘m somebody who never gets angry. I will not pressure her into discussing or fighting and she can do whatever she feels like is the right thing to do without me standing in her way. Sure I‘d be sad, I really really like her after all, but I can deal with that.

I just want the best for her and I know BPD is not easy to handle and I respect each an everyone of you for that. I hope I‘m the right person for her to be around and maybe you guys can give me your opinion about it. Any advice/tipp is also appreciated. 


Thank you for your time. :)",3.3657120486366985,4.995280755434784,4.121280397936626,87.73363117170231,73.64673913043478,7.10939572586588,25.518054532056013,7.773731181650412,1.284281761238026,2900,96,595,39,59,926,287,736,0.071,0.745,0.185,0.9984,0,1,3,0,2,0,97.0,2,10,9,6,57,37,2,5,18,0,79,5,2,3,7,133,137,63,0,17,32,0,5,4,2,3,3,6,0,5,49,47,0,2,26,2,0,5,14,14,0,4,16,17,129,23,80,106,15,77,0,2,5,0,97,32,0,18,41,467,178,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789843338461383,0.0,0.0541078700534559,0.055963573856277,0.059628550581824515,0.3024802816954175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349079368117996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053587826879864714,0.0,0.0,0.2667953460768661,0.19240908333824985,0.0505150787443136,0.0,0.0,0.0830985800781275,0.0,0.0329390048955498,0.05967699626444399,0.0,0.1217570338079004,0.05670600359066159,0.0,0.0,0.06002028536744404,0.20416414981524214,0.0,0.055175391928077584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654604350960504,0.05665427458686965,0.0,0.0,0.0862844999007906,0.0,0.0,0.034847861922414784,0.05570732407668764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137871829072205,0.09775482081812867,0.045526500711671615,0.051632398264987084,0.0,0.05285623011996828,0.0,0.0608039738484939,0.1092861166063924,0.11580703726832993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192364612688464,0.0,0.0,0.08349403200577678,0.0,0.05646172106301649,0.05183493445690005,0.030709121708610995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350277248088424,0.0,0.05752086138279694,0.048404409087889615,0.0,0.0,0.057436277905047815,0.0609009476925882,0.06403128889975096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053668573217119236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056398108197392265,0.0,0.0480284560220329,0.0,0.0,0.296960158950968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050812677570296,0.03816625250357445,0.10559435040284378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051128867166955916,0.0,0.1095652541233561,0.05428504195586306,0.0588595456791003,0.0,0.0,0.10890838262339833,0.0,0.05455956609793285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03972166550504826,0.0,0.04167483269767112,0.1043739519883594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051847678477538975,0.0,0.0,0.05754511042542595,0.07323051849055395,0.04109576599176865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03746080427442385,0.14154284683013355,0.05645468077334805,0.05931379020420531,0.051080184650108135,0.0,0.051750232671084674,0.0,0.05825846314133557,0.05170383706188793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769578032745992,0.05555659231264819,0.05335267182544652,0.0,0.0,0.1384358194393445,0.05139930066100988,0.08594100264292942,0.05409808444320093,0.0,0.12917579689901282,0.09838218349609244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469799885779105,0.06073718066753946,0.0,0.0,0.045783361060830204,0.12479547896666185,0.05344162420783382,0.0,0.07649196911939755,0.0,0.0863042400988549,0.0,0.0,0.056488720555921634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092699308432591,0.0,0.0,0.08686196699320199,0.14168592758135734,0.04974782144936276,0.0,0.0,0.17949101393283645,0.06924640970903244,0.1061774862904002,0.0,0.09452407032458694,0.0,0.0,0.10326479652997417,0.0,0.03668596236516218,0.0,0.0,0.05625194859641886,0.0,0.04666856556309932,0.05951150372489455,0.17833689308586875,0.12748408348887996,0.04289016895302936,0.08668663115214444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048757843073655084,0.0,0.0,0.1562623461929099,0.0,0.07867569877405689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815675638894002,0.0,0.0
bpd,mimibeex,2019/03/29,"Drama with ex, getting really distressed and over emotional, I have been crying for hours. Could I have some opinions? Basically my ex has ASPD (sociopathy) he is really f **** difficult bug hes wearing me down now 

We had a big fall out , strict no contact for 6 months then he contacted me last week, he messaged me apologising and he called me and said he would like to give things another go, I said I don’t know. He asked me to come and meet him to talk several times but I declined not being ready to see him face to face 

Then he called me pretty much everyday and spoke to me saying he misses me etc 

Untill yesterday , my friend text him (he doesn’t get on with her) without my knowledge saying something like don’t be horrible to her , he called me and freaked out , even though I had nothing to do with it. He told me to tell her to leave him alone and I leave him alone too 

I thought wtf , called back but he shut down on me , what should I do? Not saying sorry I didn’t do nothing , in fuming he’s got me so stressed . I really care for him and I feel like he hates me",0.5192541856925388,2.8895132237442915,2.282922374429224,93.14194824961949,87.99543378995432,5.8015220700152215,19.983257229832574,7.242747475848597,0.5553786910197869,832,26,181,14,27,273,123,219,0.16899999999999998,0.71,0.121,-0.8631,0,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,0,6,12,2,2,1,0,20,3,3,0,0,29,38,15,0,3,5,2,1,3,1,2,0,6,0,0,3,15,0,0,4,1,0,3,8,7,0,0,10,8,39,5,26,23,3,25,0,1,1,0,47,10,0,2,15,112,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396046257327483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129319585946667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813861322970167,0.0,0.0,0.0889453746720882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724601458275852,0.0,0.11793630318623427,0.0,0.0,0.09964202217589636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923554549891716,0.0,0.127061327115619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011652327649256,0.0,0.0,0.12900593949123046,0.0764009064416347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058487729747452324,0.08263679363162628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936865049505045,0.0,0.12086870629701135,0.1109640540677696,0.06573961513313767,0.0,0.09251424187675812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142031110640286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391457593993247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357083978027918,0.09428891007262458,0.0,0.2449619489697035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953591236468354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232906190865968,0.0,0.08503294322536377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219826708820743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768099674295568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223092016935691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200629686273143,0.2759633680593641,0.0,0.0,0.09217638169786614,0.0,0.0,0.13067753228582318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890507043853736,0.0,0.1294864208063451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325029975211306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297355251679534,0.10110327519144746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684798209316833,0.0,0.11364810675418414,0.0918314182185112,0.06744983963742557,0.0,0.0,0.1105304808958232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278588009132613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150461629388904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217075981519531,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Demechanicalman,2019/03/29,"BPD symptoms and consent. I am talking to a person diagnosed with BPD. Sex has been brought up and we have made plans for this weekend to hang and yeah... 

He identifies his symptoms as a seperate person(ality) named Becky. He groups hypersexuallity into Becky.

How does this affect consent? Is it morally wrong to do anything with him if its Becky's idea?",3.3970312500000013,6.500752140625004,4.123750000000001,79.74625000000002,82.28125,5.7,29.875,7.1686216300943375,2.0566625000000003,283,14,48,4,8,90,51,64,0.048,0.887,0.065,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,3,0,13,8,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,9,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,1,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830950478287996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604512271301473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582850700070226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947075338612388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511706242005422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053086233376106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885494209890932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625165614054826,0.0,0.1788336592259205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24326417923454946,0.0,0.0
bpd,nofuckinway67,2019/03/29,"Just a thought about a possible new rule The vast majority of the comments i read are kind, thoughtful and really helpful to most. However, I see a fair amount of bad advice, enabling and or downright degrading comments and i dont know how to report them. 

As we all know enabling and bad advice doesnt help anyone, let alone people in a vulnerable state. The mods are currently finding it hard to see some of these comments themselves, maybe a new rule ""enabling/bad advice"" would help? For example, ive just replied to a comment and wanted it report so the mods could see but it didnt fall under any of the rules. 

I understand we are all at a different level of recovery and some dont even want to recover, but sometimes things can be detrimental to the recovery process and even put us many step back. 

What do you guys think?",6.011698113207547,6.671329069182391,6.344333333333335,77.89650000000003,66.48427672955975,9.882012578616353,34.13899371069182,9.888512548439397,3.3437944654088056,658,29,122,14,10,212,97,159,0.105,0.8440000000000001,0.051,-0.6337,3,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,1,1,2,8,4,0,0,13,0,14,0,0,1,2,31,25,13,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,3,4,10,1,17,18,7,13,0,0,3,0,13,5,0,4,4,81,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756985826505915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273128509493493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715068405924947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960987028702319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854429018114877,0.3210154920862152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023223837081767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389606510682728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003964768704546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929206543327702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713254370046615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268948935564301,0.0,0.0,0.11480287944076535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577014153587351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345507348478095,0.14086271052232718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104850771362825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299303813127995,0.1287502366939348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754832158200565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888474475344182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447698135162884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883248647911116,0.0,0.0,0.12819098884668856,0.0,0.08210021248957759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30637195490053903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674986549077868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851413564240272,0.08211738739643908,0.0,0.2034835865953397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341523622976145,0.1541562589694221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117982166475868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103856416915104,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gymuniicorn,2019/03/29,"Abandonment I have BPD and struggle a lot with abandonment. My boyfriend travels a lot and can’t understand why him leaving all the time hurts me so much. Work travel is easier but his travel is usually something he doesn’t need to do but would prefer to leave rather than sticking around (at least it feels that way). I never ask him not to go. I just usually get upset for a while. I try and distract myself by booking activities while he’s away but the night time really gets me. 

Anything that’s worked for you guys when dealing with abandonedment? I don’t even know what I want from him except for him not to leave, but I know that’s wildly unfair and unrealistic. Can there be some middle ground? 😭",3.565267639902676,5.684955496350366,4.280018248175185,84.71131690997571,74.32846715328465,7.486374695863748,24.55535279805353,8.344100000000001,1.5725527980535277,561,18,108,10,12,179,94,137,0.16,0.815,0.025,-0.9438,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,7,6,0,3,5,0,10,0,0,0,2,31,20,12,0,5,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,5,4,0,4,6,6,0,0,0,1,17,0,16,18,6,19,0,3,0,0,11,5,0,3,9,78,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830870701584549,0.13880167550292727,0.14576396178857884,0.0,0.14649178106247646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637552503810005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074646343043353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298355485210203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883773380651002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292331628748338,0.0,0.08861281333345795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438511187839205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691536660413786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713788846342513,0.0,0.0,0.4952896532910462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26511486990894423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461899054266715,0.11561255320349148,0.12025495895267845,0.0,0.0,0.14632016640382206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988621397760664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003467663954095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300122476847492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818361740347351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585930675154497,0.0,0.0,0.16231800661430246,0.0,0.0,0.3434472545848654,0.0,0.0919655355205049,0.12376187672633933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069336426565152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702293720728514,0.0,0.0,0.1107609496378379,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,my_mental_health_alt,2019/03/29,"Struggling with DBT book I have a copy of the DBT skills training manual and I'm on a waitlist for DBT (a year wait list).

I'm trying to work through the book but I keep getting hung up on, well, everything.

For example, tonight I cracked it open to a random page. I landed on the part where they talk about expectations of people in DBT. A lot of it makes sense and I don't necessarily have an issue with. Participants shouldn't have sexual relationships or relationships they can't talk about in the DBT group; participants should make sure to call ahead if they have to miss class, etc.

But then I get to the part where they say that your best isn't good enough. I don't really know what to do with that. Linehan is a Catholic and that literally comes across as some unexamined bullshit Catholic guilt-tripping. It probably sounded fine to her when she wrote it but that kind of thinking literally reeks of poison to me.

Trying to go through the book feels like pulling teeth and every page contains something that feels horribly invalidating or seems morally suspect.

My therapist tells me that it's the best evidence-based treatment, but I can't help but wonder about it.",5.998108108108107,7.202665117117121,5.862180180180179,79.3940810810811,66.74774774774775,9.343423423423424,31.46666666666667,9.558583805096642,2.7659563963963967,944,37,180,19,15,295,128,222,0.11599999999999999,0.787,0.09699999999999999,-0.5417,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,4,5,7,12,1,1,14,0,13,2,1,2,1,37,31,15,0,4,8,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,13,9,0,3,7,3,0,3,6,4,1,0,1,5,18,8,33,28,10,19,1,1,0,0,17,11,0,8,6,116,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115044334257179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154814405249478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784624196348846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335220212989098,0.1655217768042515,0.0,0.0,0.12504590265624246,0.0,0.13338568714963508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008600359370705,0.10602759039821458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508125521362165,0.0,0.0843475730356144,0.12448332517934467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994793379077927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490653218245992,0.0,0.13191792785692955,0.0,0.15455121578072262,0.08156491394789997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250799344950543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617698846961695,0.0,0.0,0.19813611454033275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32143761471129056,0.0,0.10289216196058833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001629813393695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507834602906187,0.0,0.0,0.3186839880504904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180254366432399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511129505069808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142569936986442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515541369074615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987922902594474,0.0,0.0,0.2385804509323305,0.12972111064355438,0.0,0.0,0.17232106676478992,0.0,0.09509823588912528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015278664977019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344276386699322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094956158094034,0.1080477701615928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557429012976378
bpd,liljon4sheezy,2019/03/29,"how to move on from your old life? i wish to never have had than to have had and lose. i can’t bear having the memories haunt me. it’s so confusing. never really learned how to deal w messing up so bad you can’t fix something, moving on, or picking yourself up after you lose everyone. i’m learning from my mistakes i just can’t move past the black hole. i feel like everything is dark.  i can’t see the way out and i’m stuck in this mental prison i’ve created for myself for the past year.  i try not to take it too seriously but lately i’ve been feeling very intense emotions and my bpd seems to be kicking my ass. ",1.069461538461539,3.0863759461538463,3.1053846153846187,90.6096153846154,81.84615384615384,6.153846153846152,23.07692307692308,7.321109707123232,0.8938461538461541,483,17,105,7,13,163,87,130,0.16699999999999998,0.7659999999999999,0.068,-0.8957,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,2,6,8,0,1,4,0,12,2,1,3,2,21,21,9,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,4,4,14,1,18,16,0,18,0,2,2,1,4,6,1,3,9,65,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246507409029884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981253872131652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355988834289076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845848294115002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515956731914001,0.14258326096031732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043514318658436,0.11333869408179315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896269296172454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120582993603808,0.07750776243422526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35497472648012984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598806189017994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505855521126849,0.0,0.0,0.24471938279987265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647516875007015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30289635436966755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163444754255377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642250827629858,0.144427857685275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213555365051534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928411105949326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771208288406088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090182845790854,0.0,0.1259279881278821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824382255124123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021645893339499
bpd,dexxley,2019/03/29,"Hes away for a long weekend. My FP and partner is away for the weekend. He has cheated on me before, is it irrational of me to think he's off to do it again? 

He's been quite secretive, his mum wanted to go with him but he made every excuse not to let her go with him. 

Is this ridiculous of me to be obsessing to the point where I feel sick, can't focus at work, just want to go to sleep and wake up when he's back? I'm freaking out. ",1.6193961708394724,2.188882309278352,3.682326951399116,93.34319587628868,76.42268041237114,6.7799705449189975,23.135493372606767,6.868970318607317,0.4457287187039767,332,9,83,3,7,114,67,97,0.187,0.785,0.027999999999999997,-0.9543,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,1,3,0,10,3,2,1,0,14,19,4,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,2,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,1,10,0,21,15,0,18,0,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,6,55,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458426396186535,0.1875940666613321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759629119275613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555107924426416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335606110563314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159528853200552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494707957884435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590139473605888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23084563193784124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23062583152001945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594868640736599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441412416023906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632295505893154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877938183033593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760946416378154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jennifer-_-,2019/03/29,"Is she Histrionic? Here is a list of things she does that make me believe she is:

* she wants constant reassurance that she is pretty
* dresses with crop tops and jeans always
* posts herself in underwear and ""freaky posts"" on instagram
* is very sensitive to criticism
* gets mad easily
* overdramatizes everything
* craves to be the center of attention (especially with certain teachers)
* Another thing is that she always takes pictures of only herself. Last time she had her phone out and I told her lets take a picture. She put the camera on but only focused it on herself. I just stood there like ok...

sorry I was not able to post on hpd so I came here",2.364218455743881,5.298114423728812,3.3666666666666707,82.60145009416195,91.20338983050848,6.690018832391714,25.199623352165734,7.793537801064563,2.1960888888888888,514,22,87,12,18,164,82,118,0.059000000000000004,0.813,0.128,0.8185,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,4,1,10,0,0,1,1,14,18,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,0,18,4,14,11,0,16,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,0,4,62,24,0,0.17399566230063485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28955665907204386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824496228834864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960335281598584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990046846985956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802749785551431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226477661536245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637608197073918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090555214595514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418296876667106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792235326919004,0.0,0.08500549173970874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161434556841341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646630834489201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999192429217034,0.1770161411294803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491369853653654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477389871087505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26164616804545504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23118997323642826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145826992355114,0.0,0.0,0.1662603117485539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356464369790636,0.10262714969707773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jamesblakeradio,2019/03/29,"I didn’t even like him that much. But when he broke up with me, I spiraled. I was dating this guy for a little over a month. He was fine. I liked him well enough to give it time, but I wasn’t head over heels. But he ended things with me and now I feel all the usual feelings: I’m unlovable, broken, worthless. 

I’ve done DBT—successfully, if I do say so myself—but it’s been a few years and I’m finding it easier to slip back into old patterns of disassociation and self loathing. I’m currently doing EMDR, which is probably why I’m feeling particularly raw.

It’s hard to not be okay, especially when you remember a time that you were, and how hard it was to get there. I don’t know if I have it in me to get back to being okay. I’m afraid to tell my therapist or psychiatrist how bad I’m feeling because I don’t want to disappoint them, lol. I wish I could not exist, but I have a twin and I couldn’t do that to her. Everything hurts and I don’t want to keep doing this. ",1.7613970588235297,3.095464721153853,3.9884954751131225,88.25944570135748,77.26923076923076,7.2018099547511305,22.331447963800912,7.928766900206844,0.8453565610859721,754,21,175,12,17,261,117,208,0.19,0.6970000000000001,0.113,-0.9701,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,1,0,11,13,0,1,6,3,22,2,2,2,1,34,40,18,0,7,9,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,13,9,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,8,7,25,6,19,28,4,20,0,4,0,0,14,6,0,3,16,115,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24042143527218485,0.13053184040411414,0.09529937606611456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481948120164688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599833232674068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846497051599713,0.16153416980192306,0.0,0.10325672161431622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050235952220205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161874124098064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288587508104622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335547494488614,0.1499692212267745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547946227095773,0.0,0.0,0.28008799898797604,0.0,0.160443147791916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735811428676084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895628926352113,0.0,0.0,0.08591673596170148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527531833673768,0.1566871147963738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478381064361432,0.0,0.1149230206237783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404558188461818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855382260470506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770952416640735,0.0,0.0,0.12432257677999856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308980807654794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664226285998401,0.0,0.0,0.1815151010068634,0.10386094960376048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823184995767677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217912902113608,0.0,0.1844189533559971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056248151605288,0.0,0.14106655735300092,0.0,0.17977566916968962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006735697048741
bpd,yungpadawan96,2019/03/29,“Quiet” borderlines: When did you realize you were borderline? Was there a defining moment when you realized you “fit” the mold of quiet BPD? Was this something you were specifically diagnosed with or something you figured out later on? ,6.391153846153845,9.810031128205132,6.366346153846155,66.78490384615384,71.05128205128206,10.053846153846157,35.391025641025635,10.125756701596842,4.961610256410257,190,10,25,6,4,60,29,39,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.466,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,6,0,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5639776782491874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454498914072894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6894634983399891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Allisvexation,2019/04/05,Am i trustworthy? I just admitted and recognized how i manipulated (gaslighted/projected) people close to me. It destroyed my last and only relationship this way. My question is: will it get better now that i'm concious of it and decide not to act/speak when i recognize it? Will i ever trust myself again? I can't seem to get over it. I feel disgusted with myself. Am i worthy to trust? ,1.6828378378378377,4.4354359324324335,4.0392432432432415,79.28345945945945,88.32432432432432,7.284324324324325,23.616216216216216,8.238735603445708,2.17119891891892,305,12,54,8,10,105,51,74,0.114,0.6579999999999999,0.228,0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,15,12,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,13,3,7,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,43,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026804221497124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095725582393636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304508572948116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35760895034721163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27896847077685355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602863225445908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23726373627165076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833832671421378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36743398259904303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115593070005574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27165144828633325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,momsatonacat,2019/04/05,"Ive lost my mind I cant stop. I woke up and i just hated everything. I feel so helpless and i just really want to hurt. I feel like I deserve to be alone. I feel so ashamed just being alive. I dont want to do it anymore..... I bit my boyfriend on accident. I didnt want to I didn't mean to. I cant control this.... I feel so alone. Hes gonna leave me if I cant fix it. I have no one left, everyone just keeps leaving or dying. I feel so emotionally fucked up and I can't save myself. I am currently hiding in my bathroom trying to hurt myself while crying and blasting music..... My boyfriend took everything that would hurt me.... I dont want to do any of this i just want it to stop.... I feel trapped in a glass box in my own head just watching the shit i do but cant stop... (Currently diagnosed with PTSD, social anxiety, manic depression, ADHD,  and now bpd most recently) someone please help me comment what I should do message me ",-0.2849319727891171,1.8757240102040849,2.2847959183673474,93.22746598639458,89.51020408163265,5.715646258503401,21.431972789115648,7.1686216300943375,0.7095993197278911,710,26,161,12,24,244,105,196,0.21600000000000005,0.675,0.109,-0.9542,2,3,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,0,2,11,12,3,1,2,0,21,4,2,1,0,37,40,13,1,8,9,0,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,5,7,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,5,7,37,2,16,30,3,16,0,6,1,1,5,7,2,3,9,105,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064016525586444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251675383273936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392192797325091,0.0,0.08315767789417777,0.0,0.10780440053597733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186757796609004,0.0,0.1369079202204639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191992223359087,0.0,0.0,0.11940540027447938,0.0,0.0,0.09362593775631,0.11033149620628432,0.11281679678842588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547987656819697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222765092797726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387060023296507,0.19539091832024436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297817332862554,0.07765761341375876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049438992606406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732194050501856,0.11156088087011587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286148762681051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491071867052952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966204306386846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302020625215752,0.11810638381633225,0.0,0.0,0.05310691022554695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866242288427152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840969129016116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975928040292893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366012587626787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932350999819495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706826561546453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963807639326307,0.0,0.10733133134936168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158230949626603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080925963147913,0.0921038989834377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272642317746962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207732947441268,0.07380236167680397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205799245509516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721965990220961,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,non_abg44,2019/04/05,"Worst/longest period you've had to cope with abandonment? When exBF/FP was done with me it took me about 5 months to self-destruct and rebuild- September to maybe March 2019. This was the worst I've ever had... and unfortunately the most obvious to people around me. 

I've had periods of seething hatred against an exFP for 2+ years but it was mostly contained. Any chaos and turmoil would manifest passive-aggressively when I would see her and when I would rage alone. Nothing compares to this recent one. 

This recent period was... public... college was the ""stage"" where it all unraveled where everybody could see me fall into my alcoholic/weed/sex binge as I was trying to keep the relationship and then finally being cut off. My body pretty much became a booze and pill depository. This was the one episode I didn't know if I could make it out of honestly. It was bad... and everybody knows it was bad. 

With him being an exBF/FP and not just an ex-FP, I was TOO comfortable in the desperation attempts. Throwing myself at him just for sex, the chains of texts that I would immediately regret one-by-one as I was sending them, the emotional breakdowns... Especially since I was in the wrong, allowing myself to do these degrading things over and over again was so justifiable... 

I was doing enough physically and emotionally damaging things, maybe with the hopes of deteriorating myself until I would reach that hollow feeling that had no trace of who I was with him. I've never managed to mess up so much of school, my friendships, my health, my self-respect, etc. all at once. 

Still can't tell what feels worse when coping with abandonment... watching everything crumble and having the the pain unleashed all at once for you to deal with... or the prolonged caustic anger/hatred that makes you feel like you are rotting away for a very long time. What about you guys? ",6.055387596899228,7.500370895348841,6.087790697674421,76.94538759689927,66.79069767441861,9.337984496124033,30.32170542635659,9.621722640351123,2.8104286821705418,1484,55,266,31,24,469,195,344,0.17300000000000001,0.746,0.081,-0.9898,0,1,1,0,0,0,65.0,0,4,1,1,17,18,2,1,18,0,35,6,1,3,6,56,47,24,0,10,6,0,3,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,20,21,1,4,5,0,0,4,5,14,0,2,22,6,33,4,45,16,10,41,0,4,3,1,16,15,0,5,22,195,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108652797033553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727935765683033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529183615285088,0.0,0.0,0.10057134215537918,0.0,0.17875450284783231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890172958263533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709318143285866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035764229690488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954315562422727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082013780762965,0.0,0.1106050452000292,0.11938233263528028,0.0,0.09682740759360604,0.0,0.0,0.09620422629292458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237395662547874,0.07647224014762859,0.0,0.11726144697398425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059903688644236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378274431536432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631882438881383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514560711003893,0.0,0.0,0.11765714308168418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229628124970225,0.0,0.0,0.09473055313764472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429053746872806,0.0,0.21508012964293946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544148295925767,0.0,0.15737928273879748,0.0,0.08255891583127735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271158505966776,0.0,0.0,0.2279966886767989,0.2176073119309834,0.0,0.11390234105841855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421081710153911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890220987828153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113860312080844,0.11492517359807645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833422178226602,0.17060038482521592,0.0,0.2233404315147682,0.0,0.0,0.08854788577791026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548546008442506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356115599810927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422305266994367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241820511170209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892979957914684,0.07267583534328348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832249341405585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908695985453423,0.3802048580026121,0.1170357872385216,0.0,0.06893281304698498
bpd,pinotgrisplease,2019/04/05,"Has anyone else gotten really unstable when their meds were increased? I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced more mood swings. My NP increased my Zoloft almost 6 weeks ago and it seems like I’ve been getting increasingly unstable. I also have a crush that has recently intensified, so I know that’s contributing to my mood also. ",7.5790000000000015,9.078030233333337,7.960000000000001,64.71000000000002,63.33333333333334,12.0,33.33333333333333,11.698219412168324,4.6243333333333325,274,11,42,9,4,90,46,60,0.114,0.73,0.156,0.3913,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,12,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,1,1,9,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139064227825335,0.0,0.2274984364284884,0.0,0.0,0.3633682708695562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177137157833161,0.4655669658449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795769676763478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869764275702888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485793984526955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109937869878993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25235739387995143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554403155095802,0.0,0.2243231790048278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682566968233604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822384897694412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24637837159776665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kyle_2107,2019/04/05,"It’s interesting that a place we come to for comfort often triggers the worst responses in people So we come to this sub Reddit to feel part of a community but my experience here has been far from positive. I have seen members attacking each other, far from the support and encouragement we should be fostering on here. I posted a few blog articles and was told I was self promoting which leads me to wonder what the point of this actually is. There are other sites out there that encourage sharing of stories to help each other, not knock the person down and accuse them of self promotion. I’ll probably leave this sub soon because I don’t really see the positive side of it. ",6.624296874999999,7.3852940859375025,7.428124999999998,70.30437500000001,65.171875,11.4,33.1875,11.20814326018867,4.021215625,545,22,95,16,8,182,90,128,0.067,0.695,0.23800000000000002,0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,3,0,1,3,7,8,1,0,8,0,10,0,0,2,0,19,18,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,12,11,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,3,10,6,17,11,5,15,0,0,2,0,12,10,0,2,1,74,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.20076909835407905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340549141118132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541503096410014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544474708039617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012497268257496,0.0,0.0,0.10402653132357316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790080637935273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784519563003207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227925275821038,0.0,0.14263175050111193,0.1796411334043914,0.21495080254274498,0.0,0.19448744611015173,0.0,0.1970386492677663,0.0,0.2218186913041392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180003870528054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639453146735344,0.0,0.4292559757297757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23346728652839965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658999558996915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311240499999668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mayflyyyy,2019/04/05,"Scared to be lonely! Hi, I'm a gay guy. 25. I recently broke up with my ex. We were living together for 2 years. It really felt like I'd found the one. In the first year I  was the happiest I'd ever been. I couldn't imagine a life without him. I planned elaborate dates. Did everything for him that I could. I have a hard time believing that anyone finds me desirable and worthy of love but he made me feel that way. And I treasured it. 

After the honeymoon period, the fights began. I would get uncontrollably angry at little things. He persuaded me to get therapy when the doctor diagnosed that I was depressed and put me on antidepressants. I lost a lot of my sex drive and this further drew us apart. I got off the pills but the mood swings were so bad that good sex wasn't worth the price of my mental stability. I could feel losing him. And I got more aggressive in my episodes. Saying such horrible things that I shudder to think about now. His patience also ran out and he would call me psycho and mental during the episodes further pushing me deep into the darkness. It hurt so much all I could do was cry. 

Eventually we just ended up maintaining an invisible boundary in the house. The triggers were rarer then. But this clearly made us fall completely out of love. 

Now I'm moving to a big city in the US. I am scared to even meet some guy I'll get emotionally involved with because I think I'll repeat the same mistakes. And it would hurt even more as I get older and less desirable. 

Am I destined to be lonely. Is there some way I can find love that doesn't destroy me. ",2.1802416134185307,4.543418632587862,3.643856829073485,86.35942741613422,79.92651757188499,6.979592651757189,23.51926916932907,8.07648339933343,1.4454729233226833,1244,43,247,24,32,409,177,313,0.19699999999999998,0.684,0.11800000000000001,-0.9805,0,4,0,0,1,0,32.0,5,0,0,4,14,23,3,3,21,0,25,10,0,3,3,50,47,18,0,10,5,1,4,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,15,16,0,0,9,0,2,6,4,16,0,2,18,5,40,6,30,20,9,43,0,8,0,6,24,18,0,3,18,167,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848082817645591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862028838683296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194103161865332,0.05982394152488563,0.0,0.0,0.11056778572796916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100209749225421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289570133545868,0.0,0.0,0.2350653378693729,0.0,0.10779985434921263,0.0,0.0,0.08452601331462413,0.0996078836788608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044827991371492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039190740443344,0.08692103391786404,0.0,0.0,0.1296382900056084,0.08877133208704646,0.0,0.0,0.08819999969709529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924292294309643,0.0,0.09422775607139904,0.0,0.17939249108305586,0.0834760316543745,0.0,0.10760312137108992,0.0,0.0,0.20509196983814476,0.0,0.0,0.08231339866918885,0.15697965739752492,0.0,0.0,0.194343863299168,0.0,0.0,0.08791226535236883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323793871411718,0.21011726322028387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931768780623772,0.04794521164110418,0.09835993875529976,0.08665754710984834,0.0,0.0,0.10979118641681772,0.10712909026094652,0.08343331719179177,0.2657198081505539,0.18572087221996572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779980404059808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430503671951452,0.07214263460539824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650076816084748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986556765172508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286963969047198,0.0,0.09689931828854813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804318213321718,0.19650627883877714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222922000634487,0.0,0.13039689518017186,0.1257655833373737,0.0,0.0,0.05722498775867445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35414336322219625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579456438194655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460141546300994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091430053720883,0.0,0.0,0.12639515589163156
bpd,ashlouyy1235,2019/04/05,"Always putting too much in Always feel like I put more into my relationship than I get out of it. My SO doesn’t support me and doesn’t understand BPD or anxiety - I am aware that this isn’t healthy and that I would be better without but have unfortunately got too attached to leave at the moment. I feel like it’s always me making the effort to travel and see him, feel like I’m so much nicer to him than he is to me and I need to know whether this is all in my head and is normal or whether there is in fact a problem. I constantly think about how much better I’d feel if I left but I can’t bring myself to do it because I really do love him. I don’t want to be advised to leave, I need to come to that decision on my own rather than being advised of it on here. ",5.883975903614459,3.919514114457834,6.932620481927709,82.31712349397591,67.49397590361447,9.986746987951808,30.99096385542169,8.472884824447931,2.0004843373493983,597,17,139,7,8,203,90,166,0.044000000000000004,0.764,0.192,0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,0,0,3,0,17,2,1,2,2,35,36,15,0,8,9,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,8,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,1,5,23,7,25,31,6,16,0,0,1,1,8,9,0,3,5,103,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410217352188657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450944623130944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832787141762891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416482170762283,0.0,0.0,0.17206073196426702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768098841374584,0.0,0.14763135660113907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763048640103261,0.2927915153130533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137525169959794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092628108970563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020552492639046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507956077435791,0.0,0.0,0.2893093059434686,0.14843166718453513,0.0,0.0,0.20022831033560048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329959873307685,0.0,0.09119100194679393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012813445965392,0.20259531349022303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338528551916174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307212856656797,0.0,0.2746698956012753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751851885204094,0.0,0.0,0.1466724642407814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886378527584334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550281116613356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753682723839414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222014186146167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057856168213337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169115972974071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704676824694024,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Softbutnotsoft,2019/04/05,"Alone To be honest... I feel quite lonely lately.
Depression has been hitting me back as a brick and everything is crumbling at once.

I used to be impulsive with my money which resulted in me making idiotic financial choices, I ended up fucking up badly and I told my parents about it this week. They were so extremely disappointed. Especially because I lied about it. I always told them I was doing fine and told them I didn't have a loan but... Yeah I did. I only lied because I didn't want them to be disappointed and be proud of me for handeling my own stuff so well. 

I graduated school in January and since then my social life has dropped extremely. I only often talk with my best friend via messages but she's slowly replacing me with other people as well. 

I hate my job, because I had to take a quick job because my other job wasn't able to give me a new contract. So I lost a fun job, paniced because I still needed to pay my bills and took the best job offer I could get. I hate it. I've been dragging myself to the job every day but being depressed makes that so hard. I'm still applying for new jobs but with no succes so far.

My dad ( my parents are divorced ) and I have a difficult bound and he sort of abadoned me. This week I sent him a emotional, long text message ( I write easier than I talk ) to express my feelings and how he has hurt me. He left me on read.

To top it all off, my bf and I have been having some struggles lately. ( He's got some problems with his aggressiveness and I obv with my bpd ) and today he just was done with me. He drove me to my house, and said he needed space. Me being clingy as fuck, having a huge fear of abandonment etc. Is having a hard time with it. It's been a few hours and I'm almost going crazy already.

Further in my life... I just really don't have any friends, and because of all the stress etc I don't even have time to do fun things anymore. I feel quite lonely and alone. This isn't helping my depression ofc and I just am currently clueless what to do with my life. All these situations. I'm just exhausted, lonely, hurt and sad. 

Sorry for the long post. I have no clue how to summarize it. Any advice on any subject would be great.

( Yes I've been having suicidal thoughts but I'm not doing anything with it )",1.9281313131313127,4.011257542483662,3.646165082194496,87.50160650623886,79.239651416122,6.6128144186967734,23.503713606654788,7.686295010490155,1.1589385620915027,1768,60,363,28,44,590,220,459,0.24,0.6559999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.9969,10,8,0,0,1,0,58.0,0,0,4,7,21,39,6,4,14,2,47,6,0,6,3,65,79,34,1,6,10,3,5,0,3,1,4,1,0,0,19,28,0,2,4,1,4,4,9,27,2,0,24,6,66,12,45,45,11,41,0,13,0,2,36,15,2,5,20,248,85,11,0.06957059571851112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798358095631245,0.0,0.0,0.06966490216035835,0.14410831154099416,0.07677288235783113,0.0,0.05788830882202521,0.0,0.0,0.14193117229790542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899533677603255,0.0,0.0,0.05725067247740949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349549377094456,0.05808854145923228,0.2544575365144847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602009608382482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762172987330615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554645967033497,0.0,0.0,0.0448672788066557,0.0,0.1797631564486833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119487381495321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825755623714159,0.06161889815978081,0.0,0.1551792087651666,0.045950722336161626,0.0,0.0586162274480349,0.0,0.06252556549388966,0.0,0.0,0.07828626196025558,0.10553095067337022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750013934959464,0.12863378939223866,0.03634776484247562,0.0667384547545665,0.03953857280183736,0.0,0.05564196079096218,0.07670182738543692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464317741231852,0.13737312005422125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466317038248994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851302285341622,0.0802751267321804,0.1489535232199029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832665693211883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695732450466848,0.0,0.07558865580897811,0.0,0.1474193076087953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313557590381695,0.0,0.0,0.07594452349677533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287782573327087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317143039891703,0.0,0.13438342973351955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409041390159593,0.0,0.10582314603007324,0.0,0.08162610425343951,0.15449982684097194,0.0,0.0,0.04823149131628751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666293996094313,0.0,0.0,0.06656966438843354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799378432106575,0.06958942250974881,0.0,0.044568705074194116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617756803441928,0.0,0.0,0.07040915706397419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754951570105165,0.07820026448130153,0.0,0.07091846110331344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787858607830983,0.0,0.0,0.11111833521761016,0.0,0.07969288234104767,0.07273029204077412,0.07964168747849969,0.07609893995144508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230842981285505,0.1118364191024222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621961245911552,0.0,0.0,0.055231281889545784,0.08113434767074879,0.0,0.06594479006490868,0.19943305677425613,0.07729549167745882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008665746231735,0.0,0.0,0.04103453986675888,0.0,0.1116106709034927,0.0,0.1251046412872067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942095512052511,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwingawaythrowa,2019/04/05,"Psycho or psychic? when I can’t control my emotions, and my behavior is the most out of control... I always feel paranoid. “Someone’s following me” “someone’s listening in on my conversations” “the waiter poisoned my food”. These all have good reasoning behind them, or so I believe. 

For a while, I managed it well. But I really took a step back when my daughter said “no mom. The waiter didn’t poison your green tea”. She gave me this look like I had lost my mind. But, the waiter did these weird motions with my cup and then refilled an almost full tea. (We were the only Latinas in a very known racist sushi joint)

I will often keep my ideas and paranoia to myself. Does anyone suffer from similar thoughts? If you do, how do you control them?

",2.846287726358149,5.2570256408450735,3.822052313883301,85.72591549295778,77.80281690140845,6.02897384305835,26.340040241448694,7.1686216300943375,1.4345476861167,579,23,106,7,14,186,103,142,0.17,0.78,0.05,-0.9495,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,3,2,4,7,8,2,0,9,0,10,5,0,5,1,26,20,14,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,6,3,4,5,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,9,5,25,3,10,10,3,14,0,2,2,0,13,5,0,6,6,79,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786038752081686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394842115678626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721299778873492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889954678093252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888651582310249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5640445034936632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466969012822202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885647335893873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476035864131429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027026732239727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060273489095698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189237424626822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900004808764458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189709076109793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076962848656605,0.0,0.18299138804369935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169261697034435,0.19632992201248772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749256620206753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739008988822413,0.17235479987890448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945751549140913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28407005199368685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308199816185518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624660028552276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383149066534934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072233589580109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kneekats,2019/04/05,"How can I take care of my partner with BPD? I don’t want to talk a lot about my partner’s issues here, because it feels sort of invasive... he is suffering severely and current meds don’t seem to be helping much. We’ve been together for over a year now, live AND work together, and care for four dogs, two cats, and ten chickens together. I love him so much, but I am exhausted at all times trying to work around his mood swings and generally bad/negative attitude. I just want to be the best partner I can for him. I feel guilty for feeling so frustrated and exhausted by his behavior. I don’t know what to do, I’m only human. What do others with bpd want/need from their partner? Please help me. ",3.2689935064935045,4.7639011071428605,4.629350649350652,84.54110389610392,73.64285714285714,8.805194805194805,28.441558441558442,9.339509955726095,2.4485714285714293,545,22,113,13,11,181,92,140,0.134,0.6990000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.2757,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,3,8,9,1,0,3,0,12,3,0,1,1,23,24,10,0,2,2,0,3,0,4,0,2,0,0,5,4,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,3,16,4,19,21,5,7,0,1,0,1,15,3,0,3,4,75,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597900642003675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691836453323245,0.09996208336306134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208929887501248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130599133822463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343817517121673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24874312232431875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198277478729344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115490923371374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012037934568916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479936840386307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941188085899148,0.14800042110516956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214735959390696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410917057832385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471592262621906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000331399728936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928332017408746,0.0,0.1852533146055792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232942759684183,0.13180275501927866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956193933561404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133321239755872,0.0,0.16018687202706253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901630139159259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387621236415043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559921987646537
bpd,entomo,2019/04/05,"I need to get out of my head Hi everyone,

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First time poster. I am sitting in my office after a bad meeting and I've gone from hating my advisor, to thinking he's the nicest guy on earth, to wanting to die, to being glad I'm a scientist and have such an amazing job. I think I'm going crazy. My head hurts and I'm so, so tired.

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This has been my entire week. I've been going to therapy since December and all I can think about all the time is therapy and how to speed up getting better. I keep thinking the more I think about it the faster I will heal, but it also hurts so much. My history includes an abusive childhood, multiple sexual assaults and a death of my mother from cancer. I thought my childhood was mostly normal up until the last few months. Coming to terms with having a narcissistic father who has gaslighted you about what a good father he is for your entire life has thrown my life for a loop. I didn't even know what gaslighting is until last month. I'm trying to develop a scientific project and write a thesis at the same time-- I'm always late for class because I can't get out of bed.

​

I cannot quit my project. It keeps me from feeling like a complete failure in life. My mind is racing and I'm tired of it. I've been on the brink of panic attacks for the past three days. I can't work or function, but I want to. I wish I could be normal and not a burden. I wish I could be as lighthearted as everyone else. I've thought about taking medication but I'm scared. 

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I could really use some encouragement to get through today. ",2.953238425925925,4.744435356250001,4.187847222222224,86.14724537037037,75.125,6.8657407407407405,25.60185185185185,7.662118739084242,1.36328587962963,1254,44,250,17,27,411,170,320,0.17800000000000002,0.715,0.106,-0.9845,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,2,0,4,11,15,3,2,20,0,26,10,2,2,2,48,60,22,2,10,5,3,1,1,0,1,8,0,1,1,8,13,0,2,9,0,0,4,5,9,0,2,8,1,32,6,43,45,9,36,0,2,0,0,13,10,0,3,22,160,40,5,0.0,0.09103468735314328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144342100332259,0.06393131362053722,0.3329946283017195,0.3734426188164568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874087698280072,0.0,0.0,0.06415244869576818,0.046836758869657664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795265384695644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618493251720853,0.08055806804652701,0.0,0.0,0.18403499113849933,0.0,0.0,0.04955100833066689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974065167666415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418421556810842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074755335822918,0.0,0.0,0.14683468399047184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038849135755057634,0.0548895986905283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535421549189414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605685431712392,0.0,0.08733206926718694,0.06444397856344973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607687182692904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585680252138068,0.15770590187716418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450289534511978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624501940349061,0.13658562064756416,0.0,0.0,0.04222547524670612,0.12525850066072616,0.08667110978141493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280852179385916,0.037536783089676125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740128854498597,0.0,0.0,0.0775795519465518,0.0,0.12265493209309886,0.0,0.05648118621253481,0.056970787433014515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505602953800156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901471156584177,0.0,0.0,0.07334591010981965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172148428458093,0.0,0.0,0.04922126625809156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692336014434074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355715362674585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776894677723116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573074530304392,0.0,0.0,0.2461578153632727,0.0,0.12199383523193826,0.13440603634535953,0.1766167454192509,0.07282881709745326,0.0,0.0,0.05216464731242017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635914955545617,0.0,0.0,0.09063633368740104,0.0,0.06163089706824267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670860010018527,0.0,0.0,0.05593542889451665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734426188164568,0.0
bpd,mymindisnotforfree,2019/04/05,"Dae self-harm during an argument? Sometimes when I'm arguing with my dad, the more stupid and absurd the reason is for him to yell at me as if I were bad and were the problem, the more out of control I get and hit/bite myself because I think I am the problem that somehow caused the fight as well as that can't change him and prevent him from yelling too much even for something irrelevant. I hate myself after that every time and lately going too far has been making me worried that I will always lose control like that.
Do you have similar experiences or suggestions?",7.126756756756759,6.701975504504503,7.145720720720721,76.78182432432435,64.22522522522522,9.562162162162162,33.81531531531532,8.841846274778883,2.775947747747748,455,17,84,6,6,146,80,111,0.24,0.713,0.046,-0.9749,0,0,1,0,2,0,8.0,0,1,0,3,6,10,4,0,7,0,10,0,0,5,0,19,16,11,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,8,1,0,3,2,15,2,12,12,3,8,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,3,5,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585257403138811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907407257119127,0.11613763980801535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079956591720307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571385206425185,0.20154214937990544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42736293224510935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258349470649257,0.0,0.16051912794991002,0.0,0.0,0.18636257636647052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995374791155753,0.0,0.1082754299082367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188096491320691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149119275645662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307717910524732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314024013056573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717184508168278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005221152333666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645988471374327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588361966086015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875120036055774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666960373026788,0.18842658188023326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207585830670298,0.0,0.0,0.11109222907973093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129802442260347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347966944487646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whiskeyslug5wg,2019/04/05,"Anyone notice the lack of male posters on this sub? I know BPD is typically associated less with the male gender, but there are definitely male BPD sufferers and it's likely about half male/female. Studies say BPD is more common in females but that makes me wonder if that's because it's more noticeable when females are mentally/psychologically damaged, hell it took me years for me to realize what was wrong with me, I figured out myself that I have BPD and when I got evaluated it just confirmed it. I feel society pays much less attention to men's mental health issues, so if there's any men with borderline personality disorder willing to share experiences on this sub i'd love to hear them :)",12.040384615384614,8.615960730769231,11.705384615384615,57.4496153846154,57.07692307692307,15.015384615384615,44.46153846153846,13.023866798666859,5.65943076923077,565,24,97,15,5,189,86,130,0.163,0.728,0.109,-0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,0,19,15,9,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,6,11,6,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,3,3,11,3,14,11,6,9,1,2,0,1,11,4,1,3,5,64,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886220282509954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165186041940563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088621238653862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7323953229193794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666160822768072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422078353204292,0.0,0.0,0.0735076169729507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162722760104375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545302934242702,0.16385186610298594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173713419808535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989609036622129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102447506553422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120955664755593,0.0,0.09704111820824138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650709392223127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686974939329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331028227793636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693869014821602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561062833443725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615205973141004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765652281186024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894830672199803,0.0,0.09361883377664816
bpd,baconandeggs94,2019/04/05,Do you have to have suicidal urges/depression to have BPD? Does anyone here with BPD not have suicidal urges/depression? Or is it a necessary foundation of BPD? Just some questions i've always wondered but not found the answers to.,4.790714285714287,7.560696404761909,5.081190476190475,77.33464285714288,73.04761904761905,9.914285714285716,31.92857142857143,10.125756701596842,4.0106,187,9,31,6,4,59,31,42,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,8,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,22,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583557031396531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307130945720802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7190778722034903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32783270194278946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654423242484426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086684361017837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319417102480864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163431749662137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638638435622148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,naughtykittyy,2019/04/05,My boyfriend broke up with me last night and all I wanna do is to run back to pills and alcohol and cigarettes. It came out of nowhere. I thought we were fine. Now I feel so dazed and hallow. ,0.997,2.9959167000000018,1.8800000000000023,99.395,82.0,6.0,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.44274999999999975,148,5,36,2,4,46,34,40,0.12300000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.5009,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,12,6,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,6,1,7,3,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568360790207202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286985122165081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889124973475938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161419840186664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34844560016355264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401152208992745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393639146997581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,donttrusttheaardvark,2019/04/05,"Seeking advice from the perspective from those with BPD I have recently entered a relationship with a man  who is Diagnosed with BPD. I dont exactly know what to ask for. But... in a relationship are there things that you would wish your partner did or things that they do that helps. I do not know all the terms yet but he recently has a sort of a breakdown I assume he was truly overwhelmed and just hearing his vocal tone was heartbreaking. He was aware of what was going on but couldn't stop it. he managed to relax but I just am seeking advice for the future. I have a couple friends with BPD and they are offering information but I feel this will give me more input as it has a wider reach. This relationship is extremely new in general and he is pushing and trying his best. From day one he was trying. so I will too.  Anything will help. Even if you think it is mundane or stupid I will see value in it. If anyone feels uncomfortable putting it in the comment section you can PM me. Thank ever so much.




I apologize if the formatting is incorrect. I am on a cellphone. If there are spelling errors know I am simply dreadful at spelling.",3.5491322901849216,5.55715672972973,4.647022285443338,82.55660739687058,74.04504504504506,7.736747273589379,27.900426742532005,8.532816995589336,2.1448162162162165,902,36,171,17,19,295,125,222,0.079,0.762,0.159,0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,2,1,11,8,1,2,13,0,31,1,0,0,3,39,44,18,0,7,14,0,2,0,2,5,1,1,0,2,16,8,0,1,8,1,0,4,3,4,0,1,6,4,22,4,21,32,6,21,0,2,1,0,31,8,0,8,9,135,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25141121191941856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994814112629282,0.0,0.10585983224388204,0.0,0.12026111790088413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349998367422554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860530657854018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233781149355704,0.0,0.08296221515277774,0.0,0.0,0.13056698228853136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507652260227505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496556542476752,0.11636232511180775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300885882080368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938701350829056,0.0,0.0,0.12340329499748785,0.07310912698216064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498672936461332,0.0,0.17244947982394804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209168574138534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456526679293413,0.0,0.0,0.1242413993788566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871698534086394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293188198839793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540331368858638,0.4143339395146646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250949569232384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754887436619423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843451043432085,0.0,0.0,0.17092551788731766,0.08242737464967635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467635228820888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479297535483717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138222822545156,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hangail,2019/04/05,Support from those with BPD Hello all. I don’t have BPD but my older sister does. I don’t know how to handle her. I don’t know what to say. I know she doesn’t want to be the way she is and feels bad after but while it’s happening I just want to evaporate and escape. I have my own set of issues and am quick to be defensive and sensitive. Just from someone’s point of view with the disorder how do you want to be handled because I love my sister but she thinks I hate her. That not true I’m just sensitive and can’t handle the spiral of argument from something that could of be avoidable.  ,1.2618533333333346,3.1848240320000016,3.104499999999998,91.35808333333335,80.68,6.406666666666666,20.816666666666666,7.492282038375204,0.6308266666666662,464,13,102,7,12,155,68,125,0.149,0.736,0.115,-0.8555,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,2,1,3,0,15,1,0,2,2,29,28,11,0,4,7,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,3,17,3,16,23,2,7,0,0,1,1,11,1,0,0,4,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678748683423858,0.12176909006821338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031700831357182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948850114366436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893709270777876,0.0,0.17480737173470315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100237559124764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664311637279426,0.0,0.0,0.19721718670197547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849282905000374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293411727825769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028712489148124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883350074125446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885357989052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925217487049746,0.15378153212364096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266801580537492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799524951494187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534628829979856,0.15855660675978495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SillyDecision,2019/04/05,"FP returned after months of ghosting Sorry for my English in advance, it's not my first language

​

So, my FP ghosted me in October and returned in December, at the New Years Eve. I was extremely happy to talk to her again and we spend nice two weeks until she dissapered from the internet again. I hate to be clingy and constantly asking ""Are you okay?"" and kept silent. After a few breakdowns I started to believe that she will never return. And I already got used to that, almost. I kept thinking about her, about stuff we were drawing together, about out inside jokes and other stuff... I told myself to stop thinking of her, imagine her death, anything just not to feel bad. I did not split, I guess, I just felt she never existed in the first place. 

  
Long story short, she wrote me today. I'm happy but also... I don't know. I'm confused. I don't know how to feel. And when she told me that she got a boyfriend, I felt almost close to panic attack. I wish to stay and run away as fast as I can at the same time. She is my ex-FP , I guess, who is still very dear to me. 

​

I don't even know what I want to hear here. My emotions are like a tsunami and I can't differ one from another. I guess she still considers me her friend and ghosted me 'cause of her family issues. I want to keep in touch with her, but I feel like the one who was my friend in summer and the one who wrote me today are two different people. Maybe something similar happend to someone here, what did you do in such situations? How to deal with these emotions? ",2.6444552319309587,4.524387080906152,3.72834951456311,88.7159762675297,76.24919093851132,6.39007551240561,24.389428263214675,7.242747475848597,1.0120386192017254,1204,40,244,14,27,389,160,309,0.051,0.825,0.124,0.968,1,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,2,2,0,3,18,15,2,2,9,1,18,0,0,4,2,57,50,21,4,3,7,0,6,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,13,17,0,4,11,1,1,2,9,5,0,7,15,7,54,10,42,33,2,46,0,0,0,0,32,14,0,6,31,178,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808401739145344,0.0,0.09812705460730443,0.07111046836730384,0.0,0.192692753720948,0.2160986408204284,0.0,0.0932419157264601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317479417161182,0.0,0.08312957202663357,0.10116101057496994,0.08354464927899034,0.0,0.0742457141736756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018404764757978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134684543697953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960925204021776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167413224641008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858080228021789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004937312433427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873179306867171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382724920974083,0.0,0.13488410284273056,0.06352551677039182,0.17075711414185624,0.0,0.0,0.15127311590137493,0.0,0.0,0.1374010160916474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223724724945927,0.0,0.2938710767634445,0.0,0.0,0.18931711909460264,0.0,0.08779154331022289,0.0,0.0,0.1002209606229932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281091337680543,0.0,0.07903748926969703,0.0,0.0,0.1466067451711174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688507843221874,0.0,0.0,0.07869270378893897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933356964719627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097626992667333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371634408004932,0.08588091095965503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076647050936748,0.0,0.0,0.10433018721540496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164695185112206,0.0,0.09290401140108943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995145925740524,0.0,0.0,0.07534287396030408,0.0684560928158186,0.0,0.0995403068654808,0.06293907496962757,0.09477845688780598,0.1420256034800154,0.07434233153708426,0.0,0.0,0.20358762042554604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147171024007644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395457646675017,0.0,0.0,0.05185082492609768,0.0,0.1685743147067464,0.1699365526955746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372671307375653,0.0,0.0,0.0767996008081854,0.0,0.07336952632414045,0.10489637514255266,0.0,0.07132744051121173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225530343578414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160986408204284,0.057262512027801776
bpd,aschesklave,2019/04/05,"I actively felt BPD forming during middle school. I remember, around 7th and 8th grade, thinking I wasn't forming an identify and there was this growing emptiness inside me.  My stability was shrinking and my mind was getting darker.",7.491416666666666,9.762445975000002,7.309999999999999,66.40166666666667,64.25,9.333333333333334,40.833333333333336,9.725611199111238,4.812333333333334,189,11,25,4,3,60,31,40,0.07200000000000001,0.823,0.10400000000000001,0.0708,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,6,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,19,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292300044914201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657920356943759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550979206066737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322261045744368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734261580550131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189489811158035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742909966257679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369742153954471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LivingPalpitation,2019/04/05,"A nurse practitioner diagnosed with BPD yesterday. It was my first psychiatric evaluation. He mentioned Cluster B in relation to my BPD - not sure what that is yet as I have not done the necessary background research. He also mentioned starting me off on 50mg of Zoloft daily, 25 if I experience any digestive discomfort.

I feels strangely vindicated, like someone's pinned a name to something I felt was wrong for a long time. A chemical barrier I couldn't seem to move past.

But now I'm wondering what the next step is. My initial impulse was to post here. Should I get a second opinion? Start the protocol while looking for another psychiatrist? 

I suppose based on my own limited reading of BPD, this inability to move forward is itself a classic symptom.",4.8107636159460965,7.572002350364965,6.004671532846714,70.7822571588995,72.94160583941607,9.762829870859068,37.54576080853453,10.035473477838034,4.782067265581134,610,37,96,19,13,203,102,137,0.128,0.8320000000000001,0.04,-0.8640000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,9,0,10,4,0,0,1,16,19,5,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,1,1,2,4,1,0,4,3,2,0,2,5,3,12,2,15,12,1,20,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,4,13,64,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532825986203322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657440652696057,0.16433370940322306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921469074081591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906665385771918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037811782456035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533014157045536,0.0,0.0,0.07924191885510383,0.0,0.15047497552625694,0.0,0.0,0.13330524193639068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187929551947051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656506797030897,0.0,0.0,0.13869152961789286,0.13160462811395449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33313534147500035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667261022700566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960617641331733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009363917008173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567615757227105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267124212059862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278764017803954,0.12065007004658085,0.0,0.0,0.2218532636439884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770595859150654,0.1628912194338681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138420558324817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699552495659385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134780505883568,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ninauposkitzipxpe,2019/04/05,"Topiramate/Topamax? Any experiences? I'm starting it today. Just as the title says. My doc started me on Topiramate (brand name Topamax) and I know some people have really adverse experiences, but it really only effects GABA (which is also effected by alcohol) and glutamate (which I'm not familiar with) so I was somewhat surprised to hear that.

Anyone else on it?",3.985781249999999,7.235733515625004,6.520625000000003,62.56187500000002,81.03125,9.45,33.0,9.516144504307137,4.73588125,291,16,39,10,8,103,51,64,0.031,0.9229999999999999,0.046,0.2381,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,12,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,6,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662111595446427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920444345009128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939591566657006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741758678533496,0.2552314435653473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809031677833048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873333951840486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807527659614799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689833929463074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894510743861371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269393685422235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31915849706095195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980935856967112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526272203925748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23611680046659755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wellingtune,2019/04/05,"for those in relationships with people with BPD so, for almost a year now i have been in a relationship with a girl with BPD. it's really hard for us because we live on different continents, and i feel like this might be part of the reason she does this, or maybe why she does this so often. every once in a while, maybe 5 times a week, maybe 1 time in a whole month, she will suddenly ask me if i still love her, or if i really love her or why i love her and other things along these lines. now, this girl is my twin flame i swear, i love her more then life it's self, so obviously i do, i wanna know if anyone else experiences this and how it feels to you, for me i usually think it's cute and obviously re-ensure her, but sometimes after ive said it alot it kinda hurts, i don't know if im bad for being hurt or not, what do you think.",4.4736666666666665,3.657590144444448,5.917777777777778,84.69500000000002,69.77777777777779,9.644444444444446,24.11111111111111,9.120678840339163,1.2938777777777781,646,11,155,11,10,221,107,180,0.09,0.828,0.08199999999999999,-0.5199,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,2,0,0,8,9,0,0,8,0,11,5,0,2,2,36,23,19,0,5,10,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,16,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,27,6,19,17,4,18,0,2,0,4,23,5,0,13,14,107,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381187275533708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947217915214655,0.1164558515383116,0.0,0.0,0.10625470395699756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948995187545564,0.06928474231486215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862960504268923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874821422967988,0.0,0.0,0.1989254202128395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949465108952886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957616017942216,0.0,0.0,0.11117914142244856,0.0,0.0,0.11493760135857756,0.08119715780553638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181506761337226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24334605957157826,0.0,0.12276993197315535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492671321396273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802798681447532,0.05552746190091131,0.0,0.1003619231381854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103224220135431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425536219497265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057296872845374,0.0,0.0,0.09072057470251874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104185174836853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308032573560852,0.0,0.07879601036191597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562419908660168,0.11685915207455848,0.0,0.2440518922541606,0.0,0.0,0.10811459887008684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856987729830208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241047426504723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076726900054316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550919457102398,0.14565466285740386,0.0,0.0,0.13254955891469006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367163437576893,0.0,0.12517801352603533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116943454371436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511697933188527,0.12689487908372135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319189928463399
bpd,TheWetHusky,2019/04/05,"Jealousy and relationships Does anyone else have trouble recognising whether they're handling jealousy appropriately or inappropriately during a relationship? 

This has been a huge issue for me in all the relationships I've had. The most recent example was when my girlfriend did a love react (lol) on a guys profile photo, she was casually hooking up with him a couple months before we got together. I was raised in a strict christian environment (i'm not religious) too so i've been conditioned to judge this type of behaviour and this has caused me to split and I can't seem to get over it. But i've talked to a lot of friends who said they would feel the same as me. Just trying to work out whether it's my BPD making this worse or creating an issue.",6.625649452269169,7.499645915492959,7.099953051643193,72.26140062597811,65.19718309859155,10.254773082942098,33.383411580594675,10.25414643259724,3.444171205007825,608,25,109,14,9,199,102,142,0.077,0.8270000000000001,0.095,0.3767,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,11,1,12,1,0,3,1,23,20,11,0,1,7,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,2,11,3,16,10,4,10,1,0,0,1,14,7,0,5,3,74,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066650657757172,0.17682062988032254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684624605845498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173486660396697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727920398651004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094787565102786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510191099743518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416194325727608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725769809201532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332886671204106,0.0,0.09016186068751024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802176664662688,0.0,0.0,0.1708736265206338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602411175994531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671472758840473,0.1557531634436283,0.0,0.11519329484238612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774549711421732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039424494565222,0.5558339328831671,0.0,0.0,0.16415569693531545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710326492895355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387070110445865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171652073539638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563462924628147,0.0,0.1758658323031059,0.12259035156443455,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Miliboarder,2019/04/05,"I’m never going to be good enough. 
I’ve recently had a really bad relapse and am finally coming out the other side. Whilst ‘The Bitch’ is going away slowly I am still plagued by self doubt. 
I have an amazing boyfriend. On our FIRST DATE I ended up blurting out everything that I had been through and then having an altercation with my ex which ended with the police being called and my bf’s reaction was to get me away and put me up in a hotel for a night. He ended up helping me move to a new area, find a job and get help for my illness. 
He tells me how much he loves me, tells me I’m beautiful, holds me when I cry and puts up with so much shit from me.
But I still feel like he’s going to leave me. I can’t explain it, there is nothing happening to suggest that he’s going to leave me, we have a house and pets together, we work together. But I can’t stop worrying. I have panic attacks over it out of nowhere and I start asking him if I’ve done something wrong or if he’s fallen out of love with me. He always reassures me but I can’t help how I’m feeling. It’s like I’ll die if he goes, but there’s no indication!!!!! I wasn’t good enough for my parents and I feel like he deserves so much better than me. 
Anyone else ever feel like this out of the blue? Am I just being stupid? My therapist says it’s all part of BPD but I don’t understand it. I haven’t done anything according to him, but I feel like I’m not doing enough. ",1.7703257328990212,3.0875097198697112,3.7666267100977184,89.92975765472313,77.2084690553746,6.996690553745927,23.029185667752447,7.699297019823105,0.8860335895765474,1112,33,253,16,25,379,154,307,0.11699999999999999,0.735,0.14800000000000002,0.9187,2,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,3,0,0,3,11,20,4,2,12,0,25,4,1,2,3,49,48,25,1,3,12,2,5,5,1,0,1,1,1,1,10,21,0,2,8,1,0,9,9,8,0,1,7,7,40,12,36,38,8,43,0,0,1,2,31,16,2,5,23,166,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745271284679837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262750490630598,0.0917722338986178,0.0737062164956348,0.0,0.08373328961629734,0.10189567911690237,0.1683027626252769,0.0,0.07478491391344373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921495549194682,0.0,0.0,0.1128068180214354,0.0,0.0914581781687612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715425648269955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983854201995722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295666638262877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331679107716867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482194574717048,0.0,0.23799000001857004,0.2776407414156631,0.0,0.0,0.08101870695267431,0.0,0.0,0.08049727046652767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264394681823988,0.31993431242831216,0.0,0.09811654618603197,0.08186284537398067,0.07618585851056311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093590384485669,0.0,0.20361253279675065,0.15024952241379724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920402484672494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010512238268878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334858289169103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888167682358512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967757404548524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879017473375226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616758831327858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519581383976328,0.19752670714090287,0.0,0.06907978612975338,0.08650460978666308,0.0,0.08405279823531822,0.0,0.08594219361443912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105087871486108,0.09945383340407217,0.09699260528793946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800796531279113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737907491697799,0.0,0.08843685554516273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712274734900363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343817737806352,0.0,0.09193949671784822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895324619150693,0.0,0.0,0.0633961617284065,0.0,0.14305704575636954,0.07488223294775402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657145158278138,0.0,0.0,0.10399448257806436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932426677417627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520602595273843,0.09095989176338642,0.0,0.0,0.09792772919265337,0.0,0.0
bpd,LowerWorking,2019/04/05,"You are more normal than they realize ​

https://i.redd.it/p3o0mnpbbgq21.jpg

I took this photo of a practice exam question and decided to share it here..

Often I see individuals diagnosed with BPD who genuinely believe that they were ""problem"" children and a bane to their mother's existence. More often than not it turned out their behaviors were absolutely normal and what was malignant was the responses they received from family members. They often go on to repress their own development, believing that they are intrinsically flawed, that they don't deserve healthy relationships, and that they will inevitable be abandoned by everyone. Trapped in this developmental stage they remain anxious, conflicted, repressing and invalidating themselves, directing unwarranted hate inwards, until it becomes too much to hold in and explodes with cathartic release.

With therapy they hopefully eventually move develop later in age, but it often requires this validating acknowledgement.. The intense **self-consciousness**, concerns about appearance and social acceptance, **moodiness**, increasing **need for privacy**, and transient **emotional outbursts** are characteristic of **normal adolescence**.",9.563899106673674,14.220304289017339,8.348494482396216,49.21410273252761,69.69364161849711,11.931581713084604,44.27982133473464,10.637119530657019,7.5798,994,63,97,38,22,306,126,173,0.07400000000000001,0.856,0.07,0.3063,0,1,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,1,12,1,7,9,1,2,4,0,10,1,0,0,0,36,18,10,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,12,0,6,5,0,0,6,2,6,0,0,5,1,15,3,21,11,5,15,0,1,1,0,21,5,0,7,3,83,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059548675900385,0.19131727637307835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787209624098338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388960292472075,0.0,0.35478129911780115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983009934878824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598070095249349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710847722588402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044887970842807,0.0,0.0,0.14842852267619466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948166486822492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554478907496508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638198083742172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734293894120386,0.11574283349607482,0.11674613807130488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627985804082209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065704139222766,0.0,0.0,0.1763784600567487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904086739735122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546614517212745,0.0,0.1642532227107597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049901449963425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005619001356427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493118218434095,0.0,0.1712588587150715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131727637307835,0.0
bpd,ImprovingForBest0418,2019/04/05,Is the FP thing an occurance in other mental illness? I don't have BPD (or I'm sure I don't) but this phenomena or sympton of Favorite person is deadly relatable for me. Can it be present without BPD?,1.8457317073170718,3.971570097560978,4.524573170731706,80.8800304878049,79.73170731707317,7.0268292682926825,29.76219512195122,8.07648339933343,2.39270243902439,158,8,30,3,4,56,34,41,0.045,0.8079999999999999,0.147,0.6322,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,5,8,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7817680480942607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127670569795624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709919326880703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925079844934001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618753058220432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991732620159073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gpinks,2019/04/05,"I Split Harder Than Ever Last Night And I Think She’s Leaving. The love of my life. I would not be here if not for her. She has saved me on so many levels and has literally kept me alive in some situations. 

She has been so patient and recognizes my disorder. But last night I got an unshakable urge to bring up something she has done in the past that really hurt me and I terrorized her for it. I really hurt her. I honestly wouldn’t stay with me either. But she is the love of my life and I am the love of her life. We know this. We know how attached we are and how strong our love is and how we really do wish to be together for our entire lives.

She’s given me a lot of chances but recently has said that she can’t handle it anymore and that I really need to sort out my mess and stop unloading so much like this. 

I think she is going to leave. She said she’d stay at home tonight at least, and she said she’d talk about what happened last night with me, but she did not promise that she wouldn’t break up with me. I’m hoping she’s not just staying home tonight to grant me one more night by her side, sort of like a one last time thing. I’m sorry guys. I’m really breaking down. This BPD thing has been out of control and she has been my rock through it all but it’s hurting her. Maybe she deserves to be away from me. She certainly doesn’t deserve that. 

I don’t know. I’m just venting. Im destroyed. She’s my one and only. She’s my sweet girl. She’s my woman. And I might be losing her this weekend. And I don’t know if I’m strong enough to make it without her. 

I’m sorry guys. I’m crying in the bathroom at work. I just want someone to talk to. I don’t know what to say to keep her here other than I swear to god that I am truly working on my issues. But I’m so afraid she’ll leave me alone. I’m so afraid I’ll have to sleep alone and go without the love of my life. 

If anybody could just reach out and talk to me maybe. I don’t know. I’m at a loss. I’m so sad and and I need to compose myself at work because it’s a serious job. But on the inside I have this burning and and all consuming fear that she will leave me behind and I will be forced to figure out how to live life without her. 

I’m not an active poster. But thank you all for this community and the advice I have gained from this page. I hurt today. I am sad today. And I don’t want to lose my love. I don’t want to lose my sweet girl. ",0.16993889365351578,1.975780418560607,2.173692109777015,97.2221655231561,83.82954545454545,5.4242995997713,18.29559748427673,6.5495543723323575,-0.2624533733562031,1863,44,457,19,53,621,197,528,0.145,0.711,0.14300000000000002,-0.0349,1,2,1,0,0,0,48.0,6,1,0,11,18,35,1,4,14,0,46,12,1,6,5,98,92,44,0,14,24,0,0,2,0,7,5,4,2,5,25,34,0,4,9,2,0,3,18,17,0,3,11,6,91,18,63,66,11,47,0,10,0,6,58,21,0,9,20,305,116,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183934930400215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108406602941736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275966448401943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059456398301784376,0.0,0.0,0.03857668832730614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797026382552327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097718994081634,0.05052627228274252,0.0,0.06951332989700605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725277233081089,0.0,0.0,0.06476041139001594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538818594505617,0.0,0.0,0.05724303553113855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121089285037646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193029787724092,0.0,0.05061314218683282,0.0,0.0,0.12532010515719574,0.05596088828174761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269558822970648,0.06285423098035765,0.0,0.0,0.2709827526848478,0.0,0.06835642658769142,0.0660509401871588,0.06279854586486601,0.056248778148547264,0.0,0.0,0.2086718685122118,0.20633614523932672,0.0,0.26802995305487226,0.0,0.0,0.22349303388496972,0.06183368862435189,0.0,0.11175997772312814,0.0,0.0,0.2123922432154478,0.0,0.05380088625692033,0.3426919042822161,0.0,0.042241848894418066,0.06415896098290819,0.12715242315343858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713319094408822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652023687081022,0.09384698529976117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375469812761371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864645866573207,0.04812952186210557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041071975674491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270333530100934,0.0,0.06248426140880065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180589681576188,0.05032512797525944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113266766621441,0.06332863475294911,0.0,0.05361942341065647,0.04871829322126063,0.0,0.14168012393737334,0.0,0.20235355819132095,0.0,0.05290736525557184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525932722688089,0.0,0.05826242198572981,0.0,0.0,0.08408473691291968,0.08109829588358919,0.0,0.0,0.03690078689285283,0.0,0.11996964120567782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197773971248358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277224935429495,0.18300746623927056,0.0,0.13821218583396835,0.0,0.0,0.04495437962586162,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slurpindaboyz12,2019/04/05,"DAE fantasize about breaking up with their SO because they fear being betrayed by them? I have been experiencing a frequent urge to leave my 1 yr 9 mo relationship because I feel that I cannot fully trust my partner and that they will ultimately betray me by either cheating on me or getting bored of me and leaving. It’s really hard because I know that I have no real reason to pull the cord- but it just sucks to constantly feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. DBT slightly helps me manage my action urges around this, but does little to help me actually build trust in my relationship. ",9.822068965517241,7.4570536206896625,9.733862068965518,66.59734482758621,60.206896551724135,12.038620689655176,39.5793103448276,10.355215969177356,4.038608965517241,484,19,86,8,5,160,86,116,0.21600000000000005,0.711,0.07400000000000001,-0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,0,4,7,2,1,3,0,6,1,1,1,0,15,13,6,0,0,5,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,4,18,3,15,10,1,11,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,1,3,58,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.19102038999900464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425592468536705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579758287938677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153247364579936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129911961772185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026928258657452,0.19795066817132914,0.13984137002367747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226949001016633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535045473151434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26240956433747914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757718127422206,0.0,0.0,0.4145346526911146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563187377516236,0.19618946137919047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228024212499978,0.12540024835378302,0.20126004859738186,0.0,0.4203170639473506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tabstis,2019/04/05,"Seeking advice - feel like some of my friends treat me like a less than human Hi y'all,

So I've been steadily on the road to recovery for a few years and it's been a good while since I've done anything that I've felt really ashamed about, but I feel really frustrated that some of my friends aren't able to see that 

Case in point - a group of people organised to go and see a big new film release, and they didn't include me because there was someone involved who still doesn't want to see or talk to me after two years of silence

I feel like I should be able to move on from this kind of thing - so I messaged just asking to be included next time and explaining in the briefest of words how much it meant to be a part of seeing this film - but I still get the arms-length implicit 'you're overreacting' response, because I'm less of a priority than this person is in this situation

I don't think I'm being unfair to expect recognition of some kind of progress after this much time has passed - and because I'm tired of healthy and considered responses being treated like emotional outbursts. I don't know how to get them to meet me further down the road where I am when they'll only see me for where I was initially

Also, just want to say - I still have amazing, great friends who totally understand and for whom this is not a problem - it's just a few people who are tied into that same social group who have repeatedly failed to see me for a human rather than a disorder

TL;DR - I'm getting better, but I don't know how to approach or deal with those who won't recognise that they can't keep treating me like they did before",8.830729483282674,6.048513395136781,8.495364741641339,76.01107142857146,62.465045592705174,11.831610942249243,37.785714285714285,9.957137785484203,3.4395191489361707,1293,47,266,20,14,416,169,329,0.076,0.7659999999999999,0.158,0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,5,3,18,21,1,1,15,0,28,1,0,3,2,45,56,20,0,6,10,0,4,5,3,3,1,1,0,3,22,9,0,1,10,2,0,4,9,4,0,1,9,11,26,17,44,39,12,32,0,1,6,0,30,14,0,5,19,178,48,1,0.20023075842102664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783158987265764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006223258395725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082386426707105,0.0,0.09359436497905756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830882177881247,0.0,0.08519081386204397,0.0,0.0,0.08854391712170402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321455991449016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147408981649374,0.0,0.0,0.10245279224958784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261632645018227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186403157820394,0.1430448938239787,0.09612646423010036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320466808933201,0.0,0.156918460582799,0.0,0.056897877165154,0.08397203013978438,0.0,0.11037755901792776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898714906611482,0.0,0.20850952255623992,0.11004158834147933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445565862956012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640680410175928,0.14719264628579942,0.0,0.0,0.0966920570999288,0.10647384157459484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614225726136302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841519951250304,0.0,0.13881479648546105,0.0874168874964265,0.0,0.0,0.0946413935042721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579689702716344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827295104610512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961576788528656,0.0,0.0,0.478673971493622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281647624671913,0.1125338809025723,0.0,0.10205502127812184,0.08482743591838264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398568134854701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046894950624774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651220936830501,0.06414989251626281,0.0,0.0,0.11675616544840588,0.11506790083524958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779817815510798,0.10422364051662633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810128911678695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894204359985542
bpd,SydMicTrow,2019/04/05,"BPD Blackhole Being aware of my BPD is a very new thing to me and I thought coming on to Reddit would make me feel better because everyone is literally describing my life on this page, but instead of making me feel better I just feel like this fucking disorder is a black hole that I'll never escape. How the fuck am I supposed to get better ",5.979264705882351,6.064640161764707,6.831176470588236,76.36529411764708,66.5,9.15294117647059,31.70588235294117,8.841846274778883,2.6085764705882357,273,10,50,4,4,91,49,68,0.134,0.701,0.165,0.3364,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,2,0,3,0,6,3,0,3,1,13,16,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,8,4,7,13,1,5,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,3,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217301478518008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882353665341863,0.0,0.0,0.4635175079605598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585114681925309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089558828763447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758329309685732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791284955202154,0.1314593903177621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402353136877428,0.09613953869708647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997428489276508,0.08989977586246063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566108424775665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419226731101811,0.17772153252206638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225049435185105,0.0,0.0,0.14608628578736085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518305350169135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307180193293308,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,011559675,2019/04/05,"Disassociate I don’t feel real and it’s something I rarely acknowledge. When a person calls me by my name is when I snap out of this dreamy headspace and it’s honestly like a breath of fresh air. When you sit in a hot car with all the windows up, getting light headed and breathing your own skin cells. But then having a short period of being allowed to have the windows down is what it kinda feels like when I snap out of it. The windows always get rolled back up though after my time is up. It’s not an immediate rolling up of the windows though, it’s almost like I don’t realize it’s slowly being rolled up. Next thing I know, life isn’t real anymore and I forget my existence matters.  ",3.3362792207792182,4.847898978571429,4.545064935064937,85.14538961038964,73.5,7.090909090909091,25.584415584415584,7.686295010490155,1.3187857142857138,547,18,110,7,11,180,85,140,0.015,0.878,0.107,0.875,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,9,0,10,5,4,1,1,23,15,12,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,10,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,13,4,18,13,2,23,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,2,13,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766877707488576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256314050842067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567282473414253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946830363526746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176598071613714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097228569937333,0.1481577805127675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670297783143005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283956298916107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397483025738205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648403226957865,0.3039573946337813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055912138704584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108289900570754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721051033707866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965714707723322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777914126923824,0.0,0.4075146315873975,0.0,0.12092940804516546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amygirl908,2019/04/05,"Tough Times Don't Last, But Tough People Do.... This is something my dad always told me when I was having a hard time. Spending the last 15 years in depression and other mental illnesses (ADHD, PTSD, Anxiety and now potentially BPD) has made me question that but I still really hope that this is true and sometimes I'm able to believe it and it helps.

​

Today has been a rough one for me. I went out drinking and although I only had 4 beers (which for me is good) I'm still disappointed in myself for trying to regulate my feelings by drinking. I literally know that never works, but in the moment  and all the moments it always sounds like it's going to fix all of my problems. At least I met some people and got some social exposure and maybe even made a friend before I had to go back to my house, alone and be with myself.

​

Sorry to just vent I just have to get rid of these feelings and writing feels like the only way I can accomplish that right now. Today started off just not being right. I had a lot of anxiety built up knowing that I was going to bring up BPD at my therapy appointment and I'd have to share stuff that we had never talked about. So that's how I started off the block. I didn't sleep last night.... I mean at least I made it into work even though I was like 45 minutes late. Work was stressful because there were a lot of deadlines and then I had my therapy appointment.

​

The therapy appointment felt like it went really well I left hopefully and feeling that my therapist (who is new) really understands how I'm feeling. He has reassured me that he's here to help me and that no matter what we discover he is going to be there to help me. I feel like a lot of people don't think I want to get better and he said no... it's so obvious that you want to get better. So overall it had a really positive outcome. 

​

However I had to talk about a lot of things that I just don't talk about when I can avoid it. I bury it deep down inside me and internalize the anger because I was always taught that emotion is not ok, but it is. Even when they're negative feelings you can't ignore them... I don't know how to undue a decade and a half of suppression, of tough times... but I have to remind myself (even when I don't feel like it) that I'm a tough person. I will last and even though I don't know what it is, my future is important.",3.1556111352762097,4.618130776859509,4.517451065680731,85.36041104828189,73.87603305785125,7.739364941278818,24.92692474989125,8.371475516178862,1.5273685950413225,1872,59,383,32,38,621,210,484,0.10800000000000001,0.733,0.159,0.9864,1,2,4,0,0,0,69.0,2,2,1,6,33,28,1,2,18,1,45,5,1,6,6,80,89,37,0,5,11,1,11,6,1,1,1,2,0,1,37,23,3,4,17,3,1,7,15,11,1,2,26,13,54,17,46,59,10,55,0,2,0,0,27,17,0,9,36,274,91,5,0.05959599252292193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716228017560215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172347504279635,0.0,0.0,0.14876591974347872,0.2582889319985729,0.2896626160871758,0.0,0.0,0.09118154231726096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582563960904743,0.0,0.07265832778393859,0.0,0.050711800184749814,0.06714427546056304,0.0,0.10541562473912416,0.0,0.0,0.1501181326519994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051329941033129364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676276848230085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703747018699012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681295499099086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410681958304634,0.12772616689865335,0.0572214987216509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046043715988958143,0.0,0.09340933907803513,0.0,0.1354791037638527,0.049986291015513065,0.04766435941810653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338630345464532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983781267552247,0.0,0.0,0.11838453519986547,0.0,0.0687657738603308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100959568298934,0.19431475230938092,0.06722687538457546,0.0,0.06475122025167539,0.0,0.0,0.17469354982104632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026655266805112,0.0,0.16917350728801356,0.0,0.0,0.059872184735107824,0.06491750702134245,0.0,0.0,0.060058743336069725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192820682015468,0.057558180944773066,0.0,0.055926801839511216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040383786889941146,0.0906508756239135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239490721404028,0.05203692194642419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057025316229840826,0.06966452606541965,0.0,0.06676115080929322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271487541115045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017893039752088,0.056689436234265624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596390320359884,0.06075060927681025,0.0,0.04587990664090755,0.05894196047075277,0.06671283443363926,0.08436470049322854,0.0,0.09518687322417467,0.0,0.06826700808116659,0.0,0.06822315322245638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370300400155075,0.0,0.0,0.20445963387663185,0.06919554067983477,0.03959292931270514,0.038186705627979815,0.11710552013677905,0.0,0.1042527074951768,0.0,0.11298006507045792,0.056946524785804024,0.0,0.04046176693937276,0.0,0.0,0.062041529981922125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030252093788568,0.04730452489957798,0.0,0.0,0.05358395446908184,0.11049216427089646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301597770245973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896626160871758,0.03837786525339505
bpd,aussianon,2019/04/05,"DAE constantly flip back and forth from optimistic to self destructive So I have PTSD and BPD and my life is pretty dull, I'm a highschool drop out with no job. I'm still young with plans coming up pretty soon but I feel really stuck. I have severe anxiety and don't do well in the ""real world"", I am however looking forward to making progress. I have high hopes, things outside of me are actually pretty good at the moment, it's just my own mind making things tough and crappy. 

Some days I'm optimistic and feel confident in my ability to grow and gain, I feel determined to put in the work and time and suddenly the future seems nice to think about. 
However, other days (mostly at night) I get a pretty strong urge to self destruct, throw my plans in the gutter and rebel. Some urges are quite disturbing and self harm related, sometimes even suicidal but otherwise it's like a craving to drink my problems away and get addicted to something bad. 
I think self destructive behaviour can come with BPD and I also struggle with frequent problems in my identity, to simply put it, do I want to be ""good"" and follow societies rules for a promising future or do I want to be ""bad"" and stick my finger up at the world? 

In the past when I got the bad urges/impulses I made some reckless decisions and got myself into situations I regret but in the moment it's what I want or I just don't care. I'm starting to fear these moments, fear what I'm capable of and what I might do. 

Is this a BPD thing? Does anyone else go through something similar and if you do, how do you deal with it? ",4.866920122887862,5.809136693548392,5.697465437788023,80.50715053763444,69.16129032258064,9.38863287250384,29.278033794162827,9.606745405546679,2.6190937019969285,1245,45,241,27,21,408,164,310,0.23800000000000002,0.5920000000000001,0.171,-0.9836,3,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,0,7,12,26,4,4,14,0,20,4,1,4,0,60,50,28,1,8,8,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,14,27,1,0,7,1,0,9,3,17,1,0,4,5,28,9,38,43,5,47,0,2,1,0,7,19,0,10,21,155,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.08577323397237023,0.09581896279332434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028992178463546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723974248633191,0.0,0.0,0.061458509238777416,0.09005922706579887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258062417776314,0.06758613921801364,0.22016696958692505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321035483342108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961522097566718,0.0,0.0,0.15142821327296851,0.0,0.0949837049064235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337052667441982,0.09061630071103986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691785922072743,0.0,0.0,0.08610403251815647,0.0,0.0,0.07342533046534894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058054084523038736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197813528831376,0.13332766970166046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184344032511592,0.0,0.04995298290559854,0.14744498723372368,0.1405959658764292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286631874658356,0.0,0.08729996728401652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722262469808709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062083122303924924,0.042941253991659836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381000124640066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316875525806401,0.11734172764444452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324313227095324,0.0887493005657239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248388123746339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390610745067956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576848940602605,0.0,0.16820805970377986,0.10274502216189063,0.17671831317621575,0.0,0.09348758003199216,0.0,0.10004421102682404,0.056308045660981076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800166734989643,0.3667762971707352,0.0992967866209649,0.0,0.0,0.09879811530946844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533235036089453,0.08693080075138665,0.0,0.062212818427259176,0.0,0.07019338213651845,0.0,0.0,0.09188735904152692,0.0,0.09614330455428216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518139989359682,0.11263964998059295,0.0,0.0,0.051252516151334936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552895741406633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902852284213539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398889999586782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pnnnto,2019/04/05,"Splitting feelings about society? Hello friends! For a long time I thought I had Dissociative Identity Disorder because I had received that diagnosis when I was about 14 and would dramatically switch back and forth between optimistic and pessimistic views of the world like two different people although I've never had any alternate personalities so I didn't take the DID diagnosis too seriously. Reading up, however, the ""splitting"" BPD people experience really seems to be a great explanation for this! Sometimes, usually when triggered by memories, it feels like the world is irredeemably evil and untrustworthy even though I can't logically explain why. Evil enough to make me want to freak out and not make a single friend  on earth because I can't trust anyone or function properly. When I don't feel this way, I feel incredibly optimistic and humbly appreciative of how loving the people in my life are and how the world has been so good to me and taken care of me. Has anyone else experienced this sort of splitting? If so, do you have any coping tips? Just knowing anyone else has felt this way would make me feel really good knowing that I'm not alone, anyways. Cheers",8.907195512820516,9.545205841346151,8.586346153846158,64.37532051282054,60.29807692307693,12.125641025641027,38.967948717948715,11.698219412168324,4.9670275641025645,957,45,151,27,12,307,129,208,0.113,0.7190000000000001,0.168,0.9129,2,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,16,15,2,0,9,0,20,2,0,6,1,37,40,20,0,4,5,0,6,2,2,2,1,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,12,1,0,1,7,4,0,1,10,8,15,11,18,27,2,18,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,4,10,100,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663071454584035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629016117320294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564737144680633,0.25055195528145074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401501591072667,0.0,0.14906445171155086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398976151966118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465834745632412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277419591562511,0.14012744195511515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427512776496268,0.0,0.0,0.12633347377583695,0.0,0.08075554756146595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959962037950203,0.0,0.0,0.3091068458062585,0.08734686313628841,0.11739454503302815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892483457824946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510185936232314,0.0,0.13479870945579162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438840491560075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636009984774265,0.11946599477238512,0.0,0.0,0.10820157280295574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034984907724064,0.0,0.2448405365166419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429908562732957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542915732069585,0.10675796533284893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229909854623625,0.0,0.15665347569692548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130638499503932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092421183300173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919288245506714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012573564515565,0.09706555598587184,0.07129429461696876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943612741331708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346587381952124,0.0,0.07211566146077965,0.1940981380303592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032605823186503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370853335325478,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rollT32,2019/04/05,"No one ever goes out of their way to talk to me Well no one except my mom. Everyone in my life (including my dad and my siblings) I have to initiate conversation with. Other exceptions would be stupid women who became obsessed with me because they were into unstable men, but why is this the case?? Well obviously there is a reason but does anyone ever feel this way? Like no one cares and you could just disappear without a care in the world?",4.035546218487397,5.973747647058822,5.249243697478993,79.05588235294121,72.52941176470588,8.621848739495798,26.26050420168067,9.23628265651192,2.345403361344537,350,12,64,8,7,116,64,85,0.18100000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.115,-0.5577,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,0,6,7,1,1,4,0,7,1,0,1,3,19,10,4,0,2,6,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,2,3,1,1,10,5,13,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,3,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504049808317892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772982962819604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938163885287556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419803216712535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690087532111037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493930201215031,0.0,0.18454332395006107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765197772061436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364129371558397,0.09435322137119566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619070373905306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39260823874989775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856908757358632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523001693140506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065941001907373,0.0,0.0,0.347292871876114,0.0,0.17426915525536302,0.0,0.0,0.1861697548031569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719351462960366,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JadedMillenial95,2019/04/05,"Looking for a workbook, any suggestions? I've been diagnosed BPD for over a year now but my therapist is focused on helping me with my anxiety so we haven't worked on the BPD like at all. I was looking online though and I was thinking about maybe getting a workbook to do on my own. Has anyone else done that? Any books that have helped? 

Thanks.",1.7292647058823505,4.324211926470589,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,84.14705882352942,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.3764941176470589,273,12,54,4,8,86,52,68,0.028999999999999998,0.779,0.193,0.9151,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,1,6,14,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,7,2,10,10,2,7,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,3,39,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790856759544869,0.0,0.1569772148955591,0.0,0.0,0.1434804069021735,0.2102513501343286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.516883697514996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827338410967186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999054500975733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141802530816472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720837807784472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27508207757698216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025021224767182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446321475562746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615068731186514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889203215941593,0.0,0.2382526766506907,0.0,0.13148368722826653,0.2016076711666616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938783127588018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214188415794229
bpd,DowntownWeakness,2019/04/05,Venting I can’t afford to live by myself in Boston and my roommates are constantly making me feel like a bad person and roommate and I keep trying to do things... I spent an entire day cleaning the house to which they replied “you missed a lot” and then I bought a mop and mopped and I got “that wouldn’t be the mop I would have gotten and honestly I’m going to do it again” and then I cleaned all the dishes and my roommate hovered over me and every time I finished one he would put it back in the sink because it was still dirty. I feel worthless and stuck and I think about killing myself more often than not because of this ,3.8955642361111096,4.8573266640625015,4.245729166666667,89.95413194444444,71.421875,6.313888888888887,25.940972222222207,5.82211442006289,0.6938930555555554,495,15,103,2,9,155,84,128,0.141,0.816,0.043,-0.9081,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,1,0,8,0,10,1,0,1,1,24,23,14,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,5,1,7,12,1,1,3,0,2,2,3,4,0,1,6,2,18,2,11,13,3,14,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,2,10,77,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351886530219854,0.1884169504860284,0.27512088645970784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438586504312217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553224503475434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901285614565702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282012873023362,0.16121178550357432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282479664103874,0.0,0.18048118110615774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603817241541873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057727059413996,0.24965972181155224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024623914751418,0.0,0.19926220649777684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184834366464476,0.0,0.0,0.1506300231752019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291328037164847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703789684104947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268509603836248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021263177592495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991869675888544,0.144594028293452,0.0,0.0,0.13158435367605567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532085519665246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32060524915921274,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redi6,2019/04/05,"Tips for dating someone with bpd I've been with someone with bpd for over 2.5 years now. The first year and a half was great. We were so in love with each other. I learned all I could about bpd. She gave me the Buddha and the borderline. I've been making every effort to understand as best I could. 

Over the last year or less, she has gotten distant. Hearing I love you is rare. She's also gone through 2 job losses and is now living with her mom. Life isn't easy.  I help in any way I can.  

The distance is killing me though. I care for her so much and just want to be there for her when she needs me but I really feel helpless. 

She doesn't take her meds now and was always spotty with taking them. She doesn't go for any therapy. She thinks she's in an ok space and in some ways I agree but I think the happiness is on the outside only. 

I also found out she's been connecting with her ex, exchanging pics and stuff. I haven't confronted her about it because confrontation always results in her getting angry and withdrawn. 

I don't even know what I'm asking here, but I really do feel for anyone going through the emotional waves of bpd. I think every one of you is stronger for dealing with it and overcoming it in your own ways and in whatever capacity that means. 

I guess I'm just speaking as an outsider here. Is there hope?  I love her so much. More than anyone I have ever met. She's a true treasure and I hope she sees that in herself one day. 

I've read so much about relationships and bpd but I still hold out hope.   I want to spend my life helping her in any way I possibly can , whether that means being beside her or stepping back and giving her space. 

At this point I feel it's pure rejection and she's just pushing me away. But I refuse to give up , unless she tells me to. 

Sigh.",1.7584200310558984,3.7701646168478287,2.9399192546583848,92.71191304347828,79.46195652173913,6.053540372670808,21.383850931677014,7.110495986334442,0.47646683229813597,1401,40,305,17,35,450,185,368,0.071,0.762,0.168,0.9878,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,3,1,4,26,20,3,0,12,1,26,5,0,2,4,68,65,33,1,8,12,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,11,26,0,2,12,1,2,5,5,6,1,4,11,6,60,13,48,50,10,43,0,3,1,3,48,20,0,7,14,215,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808147457403252,0.1332675945815345,0.0,0.0,0.1633734540978895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198897777326976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486491377671098,0.0,0.07523872446706806,0.061577336779034875,0.0,0.04881662708827487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404005645373025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042960060030982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816479045318143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787630556878962,0.0,0.0,0.05164561241860857,0.0825599824330074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900803330566892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289273740792287,0.07243783850016128,0.13494337275355975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147406131159624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811684760666427,0.0,0.08780467009720186,0.0,0.0,0.041839011084816566,0.15364196177459674,0.0910237420596908,0.0,0.0,0.08828957214048078,0.08821823685204662,0.0,0.0,0.08524770098017496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902570937482472,0.0,0.10735319663749457,0.0,0.0,0.23861547123913096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946802403463764,0.0,0.08859774839684434,0.0,0.04401041678567158,0.06527669360520583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312714040585058,0.0,0.0,0.0707129796836663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682865511389973,0.0,0.05345468142578797,0.0,0.0,0.1744633452718614,0.08895192486249667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378988545328963,0.0,0.0,0.17660622156929,0.059379038006930576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852990015850082,0.060905200071730725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757024182598012,0.0902792817438089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010265919760087,0.0,0.1026038631930427,0.0,0.0,0.08597701179443941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381417943100236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357047227650978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395278057735046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167357221736376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042187376605312,0.0,0.06999431335107825,0.0,0.091579589071019,0.0,0.0,0.1539379910240292,0.07867916425898402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833671328665787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944676832694474,0.25425824370498984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470859242096574
bpd,stinkmuppet,2019/04/05,"I lost a friend today because I had an episode for the first time in years. I just had a really bad episode for a reason I now realize is trivial. I thought I was going to kill myself and took it out on someone I love unwarranted, I haven’t spoken like that since I was like 14. I’m so ashamed of myself. I tried to send an apology text later and realized that he blocked me, rightfully so and I am ashamed of losing my composure and letting my pure anxiety take control like that. I would never in my right mind do that to someone, but people who don’t have BPD have no way to understand that and it hurts how out of my control it all is. I’m so empty and physically drained now and I feel like absolute shit.  He may never unblock me and that is his right and I hate myself.",3.065165631469977,4.198587602484473,4.740636645962733,84.9711206004141,73.59627329192547,8.099585921325051,28.94461697722567,8.59863814320734,2.084229399585921,608,25,129,11,12,206,92,161,0.23600000000000002,0.682,0.083,-0.9789,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,5,7,15,3,2,6,0,16,2,1,4,4,30,27,14,1,1,2,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,3,6,0,0,3,5,9,0,1,7,1,24,6,14,17,1,21,0,3,0,1,8,8,1,1,13,92,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349613413221253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387564748531385,0.09043978755366018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685610361652416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33280005400875606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501602734955426,0.1059894784413234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619620800986125,0.0,0.0,0.11462371951651082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431725403038816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647625647252152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882404404174955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414000763006018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170967581200054,0.0,0.2899277208762969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659785584450469,0.16195409257657425,0.0,0.13390203757547875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498028122757157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288510553044013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285517704348936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504416981312096,0.1525403217824606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38009970670372906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522909379634918,0.1227261580485245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25141241886110643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154937702395452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778245130002267,0.08651077818907077,0.0,0.14062934551914671,0.0,0.16483507484795173,0.10072771333037746,0.0,0.0,0.15444954383630655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776244548227482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539174613627142,0.0,0.0,0.09553993564512776
bpd,treacherous47,2019/04/05,"Being home alone - Feeling abandoned I need advice on how to manage certain things a bit better. I was diagnosed with BPD about two years ago and have been going to therapy which has been helpful in ways.
Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months which has had its ups and downs. We live together due to my town having next to no affordable housing units. 
Whenever my boyfriend has plans with friends, which on some weeks happens more than others, I feel abandoned. I know I shouldnt feel that way. I sometimes am panicked when I don't know when he will be home next or when him and I will spend quality time together again. It reminds me of the dog I once had that had seperation anxiety and was relieved when he heard the doorknob turn. That's the best analogy I could think of.
I have tried to go out with friends, occupy myself with hobbies, watch videos, listen to music, etc. I just have this void as soon as I am left alone. 
I would appreciate any suggestions or advice anyone could offer as I don't want to be upset whenever he is gone for some days of the week. 
",5.179142857142857,6.082106152380952,5.262857142857146,84.04714285714289,68.42857142857143,8.666666666666668,29.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.159857142857143,852,30,168,14,14,267,134,210,0.096,0.789,0.115,0.7413,1,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,9,9,0,1,5,0,30,1,0,1,1,33,45,14,0,6,3,0,3,0,2,4,1,2,2,0,11,11,0,2,6,1,1,3,4,3,0,1,10,6,23,6,28,26,6,29,0,2,1,0,12,8,0,5,16,117,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26033913121358315,0.11808108119866408,0.0,0.13338882601787208,0.2759271584365934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058618166423403,0.0,0.10190395087129876,0.0,0.0,0.09314230951084784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979384587955102,0.11781187695976734,0.1454289144000279,0.0,0.1677711346604911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21271190556817246,0.0,0.0,0.08590830477103438,0.0,0.0,0.13520357534838362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856241692496322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020622893644269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583273556593945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141064280315136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779562043570604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928668577038376,0.0,0.2672374828621679,0.0,0.0,0.15370444199567887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641554708184384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473115939242615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762533011891495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632555868094326,0.0,0.0,0.09877223359776087,0.0,0.0,0.2833369819358298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418624446893399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174637084270044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523352494099663,0.0,0.08849764592694175,0.08535447142823231,0.0,0.0,0.07767480503033973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904396614834457,0.1448923303001204,0.13012510973353755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785696804168508,0.21146902580717514,0.21370325517166253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094627322794978,0.0,0.0,0.08578174915532119
bpd,lma231,2019/04/05,"All things seem to be so black and white. Everything is either falling together or falling apart, and it's like we are just left with our arms open trying to catch the rain. So far, no such luck.",3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846153,3.7005128205128233,91.68615384615387,72.84615384615384,7.2512820512820495,23.256410256410252,7.793537801064563,0.8542410256410262,153,4,33,2,3,47,35,39,0.129,0.747,0.124,0.2075,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,11,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,3,2,7,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,3,1,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517471268808173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5461279368968824,0.0,0.0,0.2455681596479057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575913702032176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339366380619257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412646312442332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WeRoastURoastWithUs,2019/06/25,"Lamictal & PMS? Does anyone have any good birth control combinations that don't screw with Lamictal but control the crazy estrogen imbalances? I have never had PMS in my life, but now I get it SO bad I have several days of manic breakdowns before my period starts (which is now waaaaay heavier, more painful, and overwhelmingly exhausting). I really need to stabilize my estrogen because the wackiness is screwing everything up...",7.2355251141552515,9.95843120547945,7.420753424657537,63.52966894977172,65.71232876712328,12.537899543378995,39.56392694063927,11.855464076750405,6.2287187214611865,350,20,49,14,6,113,58,73,0.22399999999999998,0.738,0.037000000000000005,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,2,1,2,0,7,9,0,2,1,8,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,7,1,5,9,1,9,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,7,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26372482014526805,0.0,0.1655209878746168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019159876175596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032296206152661,0.14837495574127818,0.0,0.2071162752423291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459897089535539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569734722348892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130018055473369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875307306512826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271669467606367,0.0,0.0,0.20415316298366276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192128432493692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180478715178463,0.18772581250253687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25899576448933914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592887678026865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27497378436677383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228044029628828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crossesallover,2019/06/25,"A complete stranger met me for 5 seconds and then called me ""intense"" I work in customer service and yesterday I greeted someone and not 5 seconds later before ordering he said, ""Woah, I'm sorry. You just have this really intense look."" I was taken aback because all I did was greet him. All I did was say, ""Welcome. How can I take your order?"" 

And he was spot on. I would agree that I'm intense. I love the intense/dark/heavy/morbid/emotional parts of life. I have experienced a lot of it and gravitate towards these subjects. To the customer, I said, ""Thanks for letting me know."" And meant it. 

This random meeting shed light onto something I've been struggling with for years. It doesn't matter if I'm grinning madly or just stone-faced, people seem put off by me and hurry the interaction. I could say normal things, laughing, smiling, doing the whole ""normal"" routine (even though I'm not actually ""feeling"" it) but 9 times out of 10 people end conversations quickly and seem uncomfortable speaking to me. Maybe they sense the underlying ""intensity"".

Has anyone experienced anything like this? And can you relate? Is this apart of the bpd?",3.5797607655502404,6.376544751196175,4.431746411483257,80.20972488038278,77.56459330143541,6.288038277511963,29.11722488038277,7.520522993642371,2.1144526315789482,899,41,150,13,22,289,138,209,0.047,0.841,0.11199999999999999,0.8694,0,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,3,1,1,6,8,1,1,8,0,18,2,0,1,2,33,35,15,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,11,11,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,12,10,21,6,18,20,5,18,0,0,1,1,19,8,0,6,8,104,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.14883270952423844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664208436252012,0.0,0.12550690897440198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297177218245976,0.0,0.12977909284560213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208739390315505,0.0,0.1557349405266402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990915107349193,0.0,0.0,0.121770874576991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155892782027454,0.13508308475318176,0.0,0.0,0.10073476652747278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711620287296518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381829485379054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595699413932682,0.10772590562685637,0.07451116025316218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807424841912673,0.0,0.0,0.1296628600633983,0.1376508068956731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322188905341333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988647767184188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515896028640228,0.0,0.21146949471105544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533197721158648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770506037393807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29015351778515835,0.2425722132222064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776879866230393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922552541561094,0.1174135534925948,0.0,0.1707281362999255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944186762950224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467235326722845,0.0,0.0,0.1404153870777291,0.0,0.0,0.1013242367769097,0.0,0.14984528369330025,0.0,0.08893276486689501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702776310501169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103278872437464,0.0,0.0,0.1083423311435732,0.0,0.0,0.09821470584343717
bpd,gothpoet,2019/06/25,"I have BPD & OCD should I microdose w/LSD? Also pervasive despressiom disorder and possible PTSD blah been in DBT/CBT two years now, take zoloft and topomax, overall doing well. I'm going to a music festival in a few weekends and am not tooooo keen on the genre or hippies, but I want to have a good time and be open minded, also ive never been camping before. Will micro dosing w/LSD be something in my alley? I know to do it once in the AM and wait a couple days to do it again. My emotional baseline is kinda numb/empty/bored/anxious exuding a chill distance aura. All suggestions welcome.",5.807399267399268,5.998675991452996,7.065323565323562,74.17769230769231,66.86324786324786,9.762637362637363,32.953601953601954,9.606745405546679,3.194585836385837,469,19,83,9,7,160,87,117,0.042,0.821,0.13699999999999998,0.8911,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,15,2,0,0,2,17,21,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,7,5,9,15,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,7,56,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34902511687056065,0.0,0.236444128521896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185691385344006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274843763343545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414591895254841,0.0,0.1407355432954321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501020399965403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24547108687975894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124020949618347,0.1830347886106117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992945047851107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034264810423526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683067453180083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323999790216329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601322686529656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550905766960245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799844203057482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407625968060915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724737050098814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131718006022368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871336117602256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620835192843664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052821906313634
bpd,sedateme365,2019/06/25,"BPD is the absolute best personality disorder to have Because you are not all of one thing so you are never a boring person. 
You aren’t a sociopath every day or an empath every day. 
You flip and flop between personalities with such dichotomous thinking and that what makes people with BPD so wonderful. 
Your friends and family never know which personality will pop up at any given moment, the devil or the angel. 
I honestly wouldn’t want myself any other way because I would bore myself to death if I were “ normal”.",7.061929824561408,8.016190578947374,7.974473684210527,66.09048245614035,64.26315789473685,10.12280701754386,30.570175438596486,10.125756701596842,3.2794912280701745,415,14,65,9,6,140,69,95,0.139,0.6940000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.4883,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,1,3,6,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,3,20,15,8,1,5,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,10,3,8,10,2,8,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,4,5,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828755015224333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567552132570387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843218017796066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042818595339941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701516546651705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394399162090608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704520609878817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130271941648754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399993785576285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820520550022014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713329944299638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24757106780053414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725343192204885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875723119163436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126872880528912,0.5605607583114438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662737941221799,0.1028402904301068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466555902538204,0.12739541155302794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405264674815113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401278920743405,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AJSKFAQ,2019/06/25,"I have no idea what to do with my life, I feel as if I'm going insane Just a vent because fuck it this is what Reddit is for...right?

I've finished my exams and now I'm stuck in my room for the majority of the day, and all I've felt really is crippling loneliness and isolation.

All my mates are going out and falling into relationships, despite my social efforts, I'm left on read on every social media platform left to rot on the side, at occasional social events I feel left out and isolated and as if I don't fit, and if I do get the odd buzz from being with someone for a while it quickly goes because of my BPD and my delusions and ""false"" perceptions.

This past year I've been fine with controlling my BPD, I've been at school for the majority of the time and able to socialise somewhat, being with people a lot of the time, keeping my emotions in check. Now, I'm home alone and without anyone for most of the day, listening to the same depressing music all the time and generally falling to pieces emotionally bc of my abandonment and whatnot, not being able to do many things socially because everyone sees better in other people and therefore I'm left out.

I just need help on what to do before I do any harm to myself, I have no idea what to do",6.749820614168439,5.710254106719372,7.624505928853757,75.06177561568867,65.24505928853756,10.472362420188508,33.69078747339617,9.661875296680813,3.017269626026148,991,36,194,17,13,335,126,253,0.153,0.818,0.028999999999999998,-0.9806,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,0,13,0,18,2,0,2,3,48,35,20,0,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,10,22,0,3,6,1,1,4,5,4,0,0,4,5,19,2,40,28,10,38,0,2,1,1,8,21,1,6,13,134,29,3,0.2097295971458172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860830575299636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131165899674509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733239053901901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177382367052287,0.0,0.08923221992817727,0.0,0.0,0.09274439259027202,0.0,0.0,0.26414708567255313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761478843432766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525823966238054,0.0,0.0903198973509516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591756795701466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835311557935188,0.10020280891863062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604558598622614,0.0,0.10068665162641492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694581651180184,0.054787529119395995,0.0,0.1191941632784308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028866402833582,0.0,0.10518794312168103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23675918680332364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320865121804972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557436419188991,0.0,0.0740691084525751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915230174600276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631644657196522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775591940477374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010531593712868,0.14540009524189598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489317647668424,0.0,0.06717907518243625,0.0,0.0,0.11258554911198508,0.0,0.08955396500973899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612877462018593,0.08356366757136828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275858248384005,0.08885160353169178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966751255449466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344252204470324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108592371522022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752949215347985
bpd,Salarian_American,2019/06/25,"Anyone else have just as much trouble with under- reacting to things as much as over-reacting? From reading posts here and on BPDMemes, it's pretty clear that many of us overreact to minor events.  

I know I do... Like when I dropped a spoon and cried about it last week.

But when things happen that should reasonably bring on a big reaction, like finding out a friend or relative has died, or has a serious illness or accident, I'm like, ""Oh. That's too bad, I guess."". 

It's like I learned to not be hurt by things that are supposed to hurt, but I didn't learn how to deal.with minor disappointments?

Anyone else?",3.092958397534669,5.359097694915256,3.4936363636363663,89.12139445300464,76.28813559322035,7.3417565485362095,25.981510015408322,8.296473431620573,1.684871186440679,480,18,97,9,11,149,78,118,0.161,0.7,0.14,-0.5445,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,3,1,21,13,13,1,1,7,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,7,5,17,10,2,13,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,4,9,62,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237889623698792,0.3279327993229632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336157197276844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175781959793275,0.0,0.16498063621371992,0.0,0.0,0.1660825858083714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673637665480217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462616245872854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363633282222447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762875961524489,0.0,0.1415111983343757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34262406510877336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794656136491845,0.13044322592551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127241058294878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622420896335396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352762677119455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326146878874175,0.16280481801578722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007013673427667,0.0,0.0,0.16453423490579475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31894414780203656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249257435084827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836387131983773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flaminghotcheetos1,2019/06/25,"Am I being a bad friend? I had a phone call with my friend (who has bpd) and we talked about this person, let’s call them Tonya. So my friend brings up how Tonya gave me a gift. I don’t remember ever receiving a gift that from Tonya, so I tell my friend that Tonya never gave me anything like that. My friend immediately tells me that I told them that Tonya did and that I’m lying. I try explaining myself by saying that maybe Tonya did and I forgot about it or maybe they’re confused. It goes back and forth for around 30 seconds. By this point I’m a little frustrated because I believe I’m telling the truth and My friend still thinks I’m being dishonest. I could tell that my friend felt like they’ve been lied to and they were pretty upset by it. This isn’t the first time they thought I was lying when I wasn’t, it happens pretty often. I know that they’ve been lied to a lot in the past. I just want to know if I was being a bad friend by handling that situation like I did and how do I show that I’m not lying when my friend truly thinks I am.",2.989662162162162,3.891091243243245,3.8536824324324317,92.14646959459463,73.5045045045045,6.8112612612612615,21.082207207207208,6.9077264865688965,0.1911612612612612,824,16,190,7,16,264,107,222,0.139,0.636,0.22399999999999998,0.9577,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,4,1,14,18,1,2,10,0,21,0,0,2,3,33,40,15,0,3,4,0,1,3,9,0,0,1,0,1,19,10,0,1,8,1,0,2,5,5,0,2,16,2,33,13,15,19,1,16,0,0,0,0,30,5,0,5,12,123,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810963025958308,0.08772828391142315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577704440194556,0.1645663092389764,0.060073720493882675,0.0,0.0,0.11102943213272724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411729002099765,0.0,0.20125629680303905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868226357218894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914197319226308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462117902486042,0.0,0.0,0.08382456363991615,0.0,0.0,0.6852388895436828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871453436516866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831840028688673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007716283669978,0.0,0.1444361823911058,0.09877061453938683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378167083444672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980086798490868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600600743853861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407486362514296,0.0,0.0860479892591886,0.0,0.0,0.09315936365342628,0.0,0.0,0.20051673621775307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163525395112182,0.0,0.0,0.07836903069941999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077166497829374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870026452796719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792088519863493,0.34453988873998714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629068410707567,0.0,0.07823581025423974,0.057463915486919925,0.0,0.0,0.09416648352417976,0.0,0.0669073718578427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812594538917345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pards22,2019/06/25,"DAE develop wild plans for a cure I.e. socializing more, moving to a new city, developing deep connections with strangers, changing jobs, getting a new degree, getting in great shape, in hopes that it will cure the emptiness that comes with BPD? I find myself all the time thinking “Yep, I’ll do XYZ and THEN I’ll feel better about myself in my life”

I then come to the realization that I’m not capable of most, if not all of those cures, and just end up wallowing back into neutral when I think about all the work and dedication that would have to go into each of them.",8.881,6.9617087363636365,8.330000000000002,74.525,61.63636363636364,11.70909090909091,35.63636363636364,10.355215969177356,3.333581818181818,451,15,89,8,5,143,77,110,0.045,0.848,0.107,0.7855,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,7,1,4,1,0,0,3,24,14,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,17,12,6,20,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,8,58,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054518006070725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846561291815914,0.0,0.0,0.2629613339017546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208701514614364,0.35970496387963985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492430675679544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556954915603216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082856332712567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21816635533548254,0.0,0.1186591027086108,0.0,0.0,0.2301896444083019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737371788165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071899970843376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747322697133744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190873413706744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032977434720172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283319967491693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675659994392681,0.0,0.0,0.12174603445742148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200024133032752,0.0,0.0,0.1483170932596617,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mahadevbhakti,2019/06/25,"MCMI3 Test for Diagnosis. Gonna be appearing for a personality test very soon. I asked for mcmi3. In the initial conversation with my therapist she said that I might be on the spectrum but she cannot clinically diagnose me as bpd. 

What do you guys think of mcmi3 for Diagnosis?",3.1019871794871783,6.000793942307695,5.036153846153848,74.39217948717952,80.73076923076924,9.620512820512822,27.89743589743589,9.725611199111238,3.404066666666667,223,10,42,8,6,76,41,52,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,5,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,9,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,1,28,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001218625610121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043289412050624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32584102490799005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178724477579597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340564535984584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803130199193553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053752311620861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727432416715021,0.0,0.20570453391480867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648852671654006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ba_2,2019/06/25,"Just diagnosed with BPD. Can I heal the deep wounds I caused in my relationships? I’ve always struggled with BPD symptoms, and I finally sought help and confirmed. 

I have been terrified of abandonment, triggered by trivial things, and could meltdown every few weeks. However, when I’m okay I have a great life with my dog & boyfriend. 

We have had problems due to my neediness and mood swings since early in the relationship but we thought it was just anxiety and stress from school. Things had recently gotten severe and I started talking about suicide during my breakdowns. My last before deciding I was done and needed help was on vacation where I completely humiliated myself and pushed him to break up with me. I genuinely hate myself for doing this to him. 

Of course, I begged him to stay as I became emotional. He insisted I needed to seek help and figure it out on my own. And I realized he’s right when I calmed down. We plan to live separately while I figure this out and possibly go back to just dating a bit. 

I don’t only want to get better for him.  I’ve been trying to get better on my own for half of my life.  I desperately want to regain confidence in myself and to feel peace of mind and that’s the #1 goal first and foremost. But I also really don’t want to lose my boyfriend in this process of healing. He says he doesn’t know if he can forget what I’ve done already... and I respect that. But we are so happy on my good days and I know I can put in the work to get through this. I want be the person he deserves all the time.

Does anyone have experience in healing relationships after finding out about your BPD?

All I’ve seen is negativity in that usually the damage cannot be healed. If there’s any hope, let me know.",3.1033724340175968,5.270248780058656,4.341055718475076,83.53158357771264,75.86217008797655,7.567155425219941,25.369501466275658,8.460557738077197,1.7996545454545465,1378,49,267,27,31,452,183,341,0.135,0.708,0.157,0.8142,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,4,1,0,7,13,17,1,2,9,1,27,9,0,2,2,61,48,27,1,11,8,0,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,12,27,0,1,10,0,0,3,5,7,0,2,12,3,46,9,48,32,6,41,0,3,1,0,24,19,0,3,17,182,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895545407649547,0.07895756579628466,0.08215461996107785,0.10697827710683863,0.0,0.06714252415868467,0.0,0.07553126048079188,0.0,0.0,0.06903712742532968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592037234831077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401538495316971,0.0,0.0,0.17464444685991953,0.1077919856989672,0.0,0.3730561523332053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101427043366088,0.0,0.0,0.10352074891567764,0.0,0.0,0.07883108657448698,0.0,0.0,0.06367527941403707,0.0,0.0,0.10021295916652602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640281246773965,0.20207837888050256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106249124519026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318767619124473,0.0,0.0,0.09658082407336399,0.0,0.0,0.049922890724832615,0.0,0.0,0.1081583006015028,0.0902411120471527,0.08398311300874271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475336218141786,0.0,0.0561128229246604,0.08281341752313535,0.0,0.10885461343402072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510420779444728,0.0,0.09747941078758947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853801141351726,0.0,0.0,0.09806516689492116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627849175206682,0.08048140993751338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096223213968006,0.1394775264986123,0.0,0.0,0.08718395481615412,0.0,0.0,0.11045812113331743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969322145872878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464200600733199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509167673143781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621074411043299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130778048948703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447512960833676,0.0,0.09925496775178874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325154598634003,0.0,0.0974879403945744,0.3180101847658012,0.0,0.0843183196656083,0.0,0.07851726123965062,0.0,0.09992410657831813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154134709391944,0.0,0.08167380750230345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988445255912021,0.1052373359029952,0.0,0.0,0.11309949444991595,0.1032182425753402,0.0,0.1079990004609213,0.0,0.0,0.10262245873552517,0.0,0.07935867100052109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118900080501927,0.0,0.0,0.07838378881561621,0.05757260519713293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703392332578084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874158180690993,0.0,0.2329435491643602,0.0,0.07919848099093756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187954764177883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rx4d116,2019/06/25,"Low mood=low appetite? Dealing with poor appetite after major BPD episode Hi guys :) I’ve struggled on and off for the past 10 or so years with disordered eating. I wouldn’t necessarily say my behaviours as a group really fit in with any one particular ED (as far as I’m aware), and I never brought it up to my psychiatrist either because I was scared to be honest about it (big surprise lol). But I do know that the behaviors are restrictive and unhealthy. Something I always did/do when I’m having a period of disordered eating triggered by BPD outburst is try to go as long as I can without eating a full meal/something calorie dense, but end up caving because I’m too hungry to function. But about 3 days ago I had a major BPD freakout involving my FP that was/is using up a ton of my energy. Mood is lower than it’s been in months. And for some reason (this has never happened before) I almost don’t feel very hungry at all? And I can’t tell if it’s because my mood is so low that I have barely any appetite, or if it’s because I’m subconsciously suppressing/ignoring any hunger I might actually have since intentionally starving has historically been a (obviously shitty) coping mechanism of mine. Rn, I just don’t feel like I want or need to eat, ( have been choking down one meal replacement shake each day for going on 4 days now, just to have something in my system). Wondering if anyone else has similar things happen, or maybe confused similarly? I’m only used to ignoring my appetite, not it being gone completely?",4.9766569814366415,6.290064589830513,6.408571428571433,74.1366666666667,69.20338983050847,9.14447134786118,30.996771589991933,9.48565724429506,2.994270379338176,1214,50,215,26,21,413,173,295,0.136,0.813,0.052000000000000005,-0.9759,1,0,3,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,4,8,1,26,6,0,5,4,46,45,23,0,6,15,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,9,6,2,5,0,1,5,8,7,0,2,7,3,21,3,38,34,8,39,0,2,0,0,7,17,0,12,17,137,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.10003065912633544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086501152293472,0.0,0.1026445311146237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529285381579796,0.0,0.0,0.20912192767504245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167428466154402,0.10502907989574116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24994579971791414,0.0,0.08722469838560104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873065675565772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747515000799687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832285638888966,0.10567875160956876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349605498812757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195551940932629,0.08563025856508802,0.0,0.09078951829791697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036598020335931,0.07323000658029814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165125663090469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014966397532773,0.1812906911012053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633438582064342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050079048457946564,0.0,0.0,0.09071421232375296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298063244020354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874222118140092,0.0,0.0,0.08181897571272989,0.0,0.0,0.07600658846362326,0.1581172445822277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892086726602898,0.07796011239869476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785317451969064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566769912625789,0.10539280815571216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151655120677496,0.10262596746805436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479367474615476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674140954176656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071610881928856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959439472644126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810015232986481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959455993630062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706381808353766,0.0,0.08457783846025096,0.06046044670288146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881172085808117,0.11116292853022186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601023251423227
bpd,istherespaces,2019/06/25,"I think I stopped an episode The past 48-72 hours have been jam packed with triggers and I woke up yesterday with that all too familiar feeling starting. I recognized it and payed attention to where it might be coming from and why I thought it was happening but I was completely failing at stopping it from progressing. 

I’ve been really working hard and seeing my therapist weekly and feel like I’ve made a ton of progress at being able to communicate my feelings and thoughts accurately. But I was still feeling troubled bc I couldn’t shake the fight my head wanted me to have with my SO.

This morning I was rather unpleasant and confrontational and in the midst of what would normally have been the lead in to a huge fight and ensuing episode I STOPPED. But I didn’t just stop. I spoke up. I acknowledged he was right. I validated his feelings. He was absolutely correct about my behavior and how it was not fair or right and I apologized. Without sarcasm. An honest and real apology to him. I felt instantly better, like a weight had been lifted in some way. And the spiral seems to have stopped.

It was super unnatural and really uncomfortable but I pushed myself through it and I think something might just have clicked.",4.638684210526319,7.031597254385967,5.003368421052631,79.49557894736844,72.0701754385965,8.945964912280703,32.452631578947376,9.516144504307137,3.3591063157894734,986,48,176,25,20,312,133,228,0.192,0.6759999999999999,0.132,-0.948,0,0,1,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,0,7,10,11,3,1,10,0,25,2,1,4,2,61,44,22,0,5,10,0,8,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,19,1,5,13,0,1,4,4,6,0,0,20,11,27,5,23,18,3,27,0,1,2,0,9,11,0,5,13,127,37,4,0.12783236794811878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305734126291753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011626593589408,0.13402980568102513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231794308373201,0.09132346920425093,0.12273912002246574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304174080364315,0.0,0.11451269284556835,0.0,0.13119288915381574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588913255928075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490487583427043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209580774098601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712198824227138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524857920752488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203045974041175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550122079189878,0.1637853764848429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833628752700301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186584674217952,0.11637378673199256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841160217090184,0.0,0.0,0.09048040798326548,0.0,0.10208709417116904,0.5343679177957871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842323186666476,0.0,0.16381963947273415,0.0,0.2029692422734881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539884263824914,0.10146738357026223,0.10253941483841164,0.1556653859203764,0.0,0.0,0.11534882902026387,0.0,0.0,0.1232258409932984,0.0,0.09306348634238472,0.0,0.0,0.0908084465005302,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SeriousTangerine4,2019/06/25,"people fucking you over but bpd making it worst Have you ever been in a situation where someone did something to fuck you over, but then ""undo"" that thing and try to be casual/friendly towards you? Like, 'by golly. Everything is swell"" friendly. I feel like the ""friendliness"" after intimation angers me more than outright hostility 24/7. It's like sometimes people who dislike us try to upset us and just expect us to get over it. And when we don't, suddenly its ""what's our problem?"" And suddenly we're the bad guy. 

I've been in situations where someone has seriously fucked me over (a manager who didn't like me implying I was stealing from the register in front of everyone after I earlier offended him. My bpd was untreated and my ""off-ness"" is pretty clear to everyone, even random customers commented on it back then. So I wasn't in any position to defend myself or have others defend me. I was new there, behaved oddly around the register (as in turn my back to it when the managers were counting it) because its an unprofessional/laxed place and I picked up pretty early on that the managers were stealing at each others discretion. And it is obvious to everyone how nervous I was working the register because of my social anxiety/fear of losing my job.

 The manager was upset that I laughed at something involving him, so he circled the floor, opened the drawers, counted them repeatedly and commented (""huh, all the drawers are off""). This went on for about an hour. As time went on, coworkers would stop what they were doing and stare over me as he was counting! It was clear that they thought *I* was stealing. Later, after a coworker handed me a $20 asked me to get change from the back and *followed* me there...Apparently, the manager had a change of the heart. He came to the floor and said, ""It was just a mixup"" and later made an effort to stand around me, randomly leave his station just to look at my reactions and try to strike up a conversation with me in front of our coworkers. I was still freaked out and pissed off so I, of course, didn't answer him (the bpd), he walked away with the coworkers as to say (""See? She's so unfriendly and hostile. By golly, I didn't do anything wrong. Now we have more reason to collectively hate her).",4.691652762923347,6.472690437647064,5.7028449197860995,77.11455971479505,70.50588235294117,9.104456327985739,30.996434937611408,9.573946990214177,3.1013921568627456,1776,77,317,42,33,586,209,425,0.193,0.726,0.081,-0.9958,3,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,7,4,3,3,23,28,9,3,27,1,34,6,3,5,5,51,53,31,0,4,6,0,2,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,23,25,0,1,4,0,0,7,5,22,0,0,27,7,49,6,64,24,5,64,0,1,3,3,36,33,4,3,27,242,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061571880230441224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450861199453285,0.16120371601845365,0.0846448438635571,0.0,0.08506748707415605,0.20886435825228292,0.0755990525460132,0.11038751183649734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34210463515495165,0.0,0.0,0.10355628963395268,0.0,0.0,0.1915635313151248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980234630020365,0.08190070916193459,0.0,0.2595511913321208,0.08137359610860898,0.0,0.0,0.1018852786262149,0.04578091585002179,0.06468344919012507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399055386697457,0.2511147386171221,0.09460924702972437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965112864288385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939179277446185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729308131409868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891659436554576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984927848337157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587124017861053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693761001468475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603274241976922,0.1012936926354814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567332934732302,0.060437699515117085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874463337392263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554128421184807,0.0,0.0945974500725672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422817340659794,0.0,0.08663676913980764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309258143885928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612647722808824,0.07200288439624758,0.0,0.0,0.07215050391066538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035467152427338,0.0,0.09229648968195396,0.1534324223528632,0.13940779789044688,0.08954866644439702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230721112904187,0.07569743103444827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060152292055831925,0.0,0.0,0.07188048583870614,0.05279595302932665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184416869194708,0.09848404076259812,0.0,0.0,0.32673377667070985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786726949680747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591588496074498,0.0,0.0,0.06431866404586634,0.09899380981457956,0.0,0.0
bpd,fleuramaryllis,2019/06/25,"[CW: saying what I did in the post] Just self harmed after years of not doing that ""canonically. I burnt my leg several times after an argument with my family. Even though I recently got out psych ward they are extremely rude to me, even at the point of insulting me. I texted my psychiatrist but I'm not seeing her until 27. I don't know what to do. My mood was going great and suddenly it got down. I'm so so desperated.",1.0504705882352925,3.4768216352941184,3.689705882352944,83.74867647058825,85.58823529411767,8.105882352941178,19.088235294117645,8.841846274778883,1.5799647058823534,329,9,68,10,10,115,64,85,0.094,0.84,0.066,0.154,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,8,13,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,2,13,1,12,9,0,14,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,7,48,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391519932444413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24203397489022976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459126766025908,0.0,0.4106808544211499,0.28305950723641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141098960914654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24270464438460065,0.0,0.2458883401320939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535022402730467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417193699850944,0.0,0.0,0.2045905280376072,0.0,0.2678384158544975,0.29004594062544925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522481978900584,0.0,0.14970861356551038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533374921573793
bpd,Facutvivas7,2019/06/25,"How to communicate with pwBPD regarding behaviours and meeting family? Not sure if right sub, please resort if not but: My (23F) current SO (23M) is diagnosed with bpd and I would like some advice on how to talk to him about this issue, or what to do in general. We have been dating for 5 months now and I’ve met his family, however he hasn’t met mine yet although they know about him. This is mostly because his house is more comfortable and couple friendly let’s just say, so we never preferred going to mine anyways, eg entertainment, nicer house, bed we can fit on and no kid siblings around. He isn’t the type to be upfront about wanting things, but he’s recently made a subtle...you could say almost sulky (in a dear way) remark about me not wanting him and my family to meet. I do wish for them to meet someday, and definitely don’t want him to feel upset about it.   
  
Thing is, he is a sweet guy, smart and gorgeous, loyal, supportive, with the cutest smile but also going through hard times that affect his mood. There’s 0.5% of the time where he is moody and snaps at me, rude but never abusive, or gets physical but never at anyone especially not me eg throwing his phone on the floor or punching the floor. This is usually when something really gets to him.   

However I have a little brother (14M) at home that I love dearly, our parents weren’t stable most of growing up so I’ve tried my best to protect him and help him grow up not to be like them. I don’t want even 0.5% chance of him seeing any disrespect or violence. The disrespect I am worried about because he knows my ex (26M) treated me wrongly like that and hates seeing me hurt, and I always teach him mum and dad talking like that to each other isn’t right. Violence for obvious reasons.   

I want my SO to meet my family, but there are these behaviours, even rare, I am worried about because I don’t want my little brother to be around it. My SO is also insecure, and often doesn’t think he is worthy of anything, and hates himself, yet tries so hard to turn things around and grow, I’m proud of him. He’s come so far but he is not there just yet, and I don’t know how to talk to him about meeting my family without making him feel like he isn’t good enough to. How do I get them to meet while making sure my brother isn’t around any bad behaviour without making my SO feel bad about himself? I don’t want to affect his confidence in himself, his growth or the relationship. 

TLDR; bf with bpd wants to meet family, but has troublesome behaviour that happens ever so rarely but still does. Worried about if meeting family will put little brother around such behaviour. Want them to meet but don’t know how to go about bfs behaviour without making him feel bad about it, he’s sweet 99.5% of the time and is trying his best.   

Also, am I being a worry wart or overthinking it?",6.039557060390763,5.828031651865011,6.550780972468918,79.43311639653643,66.40674955595026,9.737322380106573,30.73762211367673,9.354420925462401,2.521879262877442,2232,74,440,38,32,729,241,563,0.13,0.653,0.217,0.9959,5,0,1,0,0,0,73.0,4,0,5,3,52,36,3,2,13,0,44,3,0,13,7,110,86,57,0,16,30,8,6,5,2,2,2,2,2,2,18,32,0,1,11,1,0,10,26,11,0,0,5,12,64,24,69,73,8,56,0,1,2,1,75,26,0,14,24,300,82,2,0.0,0.07250375401367082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059797137042577164,0.0,0.0,0.06127599698253136,0.0,0.0,0.14680817208396216,0.05091751695189654,0.0,0.0,0.08322674035039372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427876010826275,0.0,0.05035666347307175,0.2723739263437608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328091395214793,0.1119081399393422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843665446375707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541410003838658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271239135500146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885766849015319,0.0677089422960881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210965432715464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535504475658456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322877520428552,0.0,0.08083486047922678,0.0553526141350759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038115089056327,0.0,0.1237641722875054,0.043716324810663065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047277596107468484,0.0,0.09591252379925133,0.0,0.10433225595245076,0.05132582431245426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059073701952769,0.05411280912995384,0.0,0.10963390066104793,0.1208309296200134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041016409328868464,0.0,0.06138161524597061,0.0,0.0,0.14121711998075406,0.06550842214886443,0.0,0.0,0.06386964233317033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452039258491805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257403623690291,0.0,0.1494791582598007,0.1839945264401276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552291138096306,0.05790234040163503,0.16338733545554165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048843706083945164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158755020889374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679476366845178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717158938218534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151591359628927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039201832672574606,0.06291664372569626,0.0604207512614376,0.06569843132928213,0.0,0.10451705510811334,0.0,0.0973263337370552,0.0,0.0,0.09752587110624256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710939699431218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048868846164637776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944114425847787,0.11534744470560565,0.0,0.0,0.14755395902981666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196182349008396,0.039210033477475516,0.0,0.0,0.10704647294864326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124638185737198,0.06656046281622226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739549568426652,0.0,0.3248391997652568,0.04857219219218234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036898377023748,0.17696374010546453,0.0,0.0,0.24857803734083436,0.0,0.04346978468251303,0.06690499035354237,0.0,0.0
bpd,stoned__bunny,2019/06/25,"Misdiagnosed as bipolar? Is it ""a thing"" or common to be misdiagnosed as bipolar? I feel like everything about being BPD is myself to a T.

I've been seeing counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists on and off since I was 6 years old (attempted suicide because I was so anxious) and I've had sooo many diagnosis' from anxiety to schizoaffective disorder (I think I had \[pharmaceutical\] drug induced psychosis, not true schizoaffective disorder) 

My current diagnosis is: bipolar ii with generalised anxiety, ADHD and major depression. 

I was medicated from ages 13 - 20 but I feel it was making things worse and have been clean since suffering lithium poisoning due to incorrect dosage - thanks to my psychiatrist.

Almost every single symptom of BPD describes me and my life so far, bipolar and ADHD not so much. I haven't seen a psych in a long time so I have never brought it up with them, I only heard of it because my sister's friend has it.",6.877142857142857,8.685144809523813,7.570000000000004,65.72500000000002,65.19047619047619,11.076190476190476,36.61904761904762,11.038039088145766,4.771276190476192,760,38,117,23,12,252,106,168,0.14300000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.076,-0.8666,1,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,1,0,4,0,17,9,0,2,2,21,26,15,1,0,4,1,2,1,1,0,9,1,1,0,7,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,11,5,17,4,18,13,3,15,0,2,2,0,4,5,0,2,10,82,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35245794779436923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146835603675371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435354729169996,0.16565787947216587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877690116153955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693679084314676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629808687581642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33611702257363585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005216877629895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354785373405285,0.0,0.13178772767535035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828797446085829,0.10475738070605817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329125116870065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357392964927943,0.07163934826297927,0.0,0.0,0.12976898022574088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788122272969386,0.1486667301369856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772117932510453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779494235612393,0.0,0.113095363228806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387068619540306,0.0,0.0,0.11152391698179064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168505684365608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242599002284903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039689198307155,0.0,0.0,0.15241181268890822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500349185497446,0.0,0.0,0.19483798833030655,0.0939589597773164,0.0,0.0,0.08550511483974317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943545738279645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442931089192724
bpd,rainbowunicornbloods,2019/06/25,"Does anyone else actively want to socialise all the time, yet just get tired and fed up when actually socialising? I don’t want to be alone, I get cranky and get  dark thoughts and my BPD is 10x worse. It’s like I’m telling myself, “people MIGHT hate you, but if you hang out with them, you know they don’t.” And don’t forget, “yes I’m tired, but you don’t want to be left out.” Or, “if you don’t go out now, they might not invite you out again.” 

Every social occasion is just an opportunity to make sure everyone likes me, that I’m not missing out and to reassure myself that I have friends. I ALWAYS go out. 

When I’m out, I last about an hour or two before cycling emotions, massive ups and downs and disassociation tire me out. It’s like I have to return to my dark room for some downtime. If I don’t, I can’t rest my brain, and that’s when I can’t control my BPD symptoms at all, I disassociate in front of everyone and basically ruin all my friendships. 

Only recently have I started trying to think about what I actively want to do. And that’s hard when my fractured sense of identity has like 0.5 hobbies and a life that revolves around some guy who barely remembers me. (Yup, the revered favourite person.)

It’s exhausting.",4.632960526315788,5.183083376518218,5.622527834008096,82.24771887651823,69.48582995951418,8.766093117408907,29.202682186234817,8.841846274778883,2.070684412955466,962,34,202,16,16,318,132,247,0.098,0.716,0.187,0.9706,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,6,3,2,12,12,1,0,5,2,19,8,1,2,4,51,40,22,0,7,11,0,1,4,1,2,6,0,1,2,10,21,1,1,4,0,0,4,10,4,0,1,2,1,32,8,29,34,6,33,0,2,0,0,16,16,0,9,17,131,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.11594344515197963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305347657922072,0.0,0.0,0.09886116321355153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830761644984028,0.12173701013881202,0.0,0.105767935277855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110032385567252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29927929539937764,0.13263356783944238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325784352891673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397324641669517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925224200264478,0.1336475913234854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010429647407522,0.2270600561338867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179391346872656,0.0,0.18622321427220048,0.0,0.13504727909778247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764263264007792,0.0,0.0,0.10643228102844916,0.11730232510841601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700595979387612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529600853991202,0.0968476977589182,0.0,0.0,0.12908966579070494,0.0,0.08392048139431778,0.23218231125775315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930798183244847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520816691076037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036193597929124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236933211699371,0.1037421200207743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731258925264408,0.0,0.13459091855200084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111394685140665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409579733690045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197897344523043,0.12349123697772875,0.0,0.0,0.10384698932924552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612997945064058,0.0,0.09432351513607463,0.06928027567676241,0.4096710025100244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066559906058107,0.0,0.11606213200389945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28031375769728084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107965357121687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThatTaiwanese,2019/06/25,Feel like crap(Doctor forced me to leave FP) Doctor forced me to leave my FP so I could leave the hospital. Feel like crap,0.6062499999999993,3.032380458333337,1.0083333333333364,98.52000000000002,98.58333333333334,5.7333333333333325,14.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,-0.03971666666666618,97,2,21,2,4,29,16,24,0.379,0.466,0.155,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,9,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347207317265127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704084659041668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323818345799928,0.32833022910693604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7299570441911776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453180358007288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,420sugar,2019/06/25,"DAE? Does anyone else who struggles with BPD always wish for the bad things to happen instead of good things? I’m always negative and I hope the thing I want to happen doesn’t happen because I feel like it’s more likely for things to go wrong so I don’t want to get my hopes up. 
I don’t know why I always hope it goes wrong but maybe it’s cause if it does go wrong, I’m not surprised.",0.2263095238095225,2.2385928214285715,1.8166666666666664,98.66166666666668,85.07142857142857,4.2095238095238106,15.285714285714285,5.033348758259628,-1.0760142857142854,303,5,71,1,9,98,51,84,0.196,0.647,0.158,-0.7437,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,12,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,14,19,4,0,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,1,7,7,9,19,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252592716068025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110855356573236,0.1335074022269925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879477548059899,0.07942946479920555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410786343255565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385364597517446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280522252743309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884864824483856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658834243745027,0.09308610485121094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807619568196695,0.0,0.1481046017937344,0.10928917479263013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456706834081221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882508953160898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160928682259357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273156667135809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309035243423267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621749822669754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34626122357152594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370823365867736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757517849688615,0.0,0.14983818127162765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273866781408864,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadietempest,2019/06/25,"Better By Myself Today is the first in such a long time ever that I felt so happy and content of being alone?! This feeling is too astounding and I do not want it to ever end. It might not be a huge deal, but as someone who has been struggling with BPD for four years, been on therapy for almost a year, feeling what I felt today is a huge milestone for me. I can summarise my entire day with this song by Hey Violet - ""Better By Myself"".",3.8740823970037472,4.534768561797755,5.309606741573036,83.41512172284645,71.24719101123596,7.281647940074906,24.94569288389513,7.1686216300943375,1.1072681647940072,338,9,67,3,6,114,64,89,0.09300000000000001,0.759,0.14800000000000002,0.6283,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,5,0,11,0,0,0,2,16,16,5,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,5,8,3,13,9,0,15,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,11,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832457177592774,0.18953038161613628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236931098136768,0.0,0.0,0.2304791406292977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180183486069644,0.1886625471451043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620816059546558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33106371194338696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850582259002022,0.0,0.35141289377638424,0.0,0.0,0.15565771205675946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194804406823057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194716628078915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413159332251054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505331942904918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130888230023688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927376716268312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067074043944989,0.0,0.3469207596133053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793675836215703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568898031244376
bpd,broknbird,2019/06/25,"question for anyone who considers themself hypersexual (possible tmi) I've been hypersexual all my adult life, usually revolving around a FP. I become not just obsessed with the FP but also obsessed with sleeping with them. There is also a part of me that compulsively seeks out sex and it doesn't have to be my FP, but usually it's to try to distract myself from the obsessive fixation on FP- so it's still linked to FP.

Okay, so here is my question. I have no particular interest in having an orgasm during sex. From everything I've read most women will feel unsatisfied if they don't have the O but it's basically a non issue for me. The 'high' I get from sex is from making my partner orgasm and having the intimate contact with my FP. It's almost like I'm feeding off their energy (don't know how else to phrase it).

If you are hypersexual, how important- or not- is the O for you?",4.318859416445626,5.778394068965522,6.380574712643679,73.15651193633956,70.95402298850577,9.721662245800179,29.47656940760389,10.035473477838034,3.1010686118479227,704,28,131,19,13,247,106,174,0.066,0.836,0.098,0.5494,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,3,0,11,7,0,4,10,1,16,8,3,3,1,28,21,14,0,2,9,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,8,8,1,0,5,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,1,16,3,22,18,3,9,0,0,0,5,12,6,0,7,4,96,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199086096775925,0.0,0.0,0.30665435889508363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406274520413886,0.0,0.0,0.17068120373077084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175178179183493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601666147068683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723154239711078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969449342505771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017151320039472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257428600813285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011730898061092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053703214223593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542524721144775,0.09367006235481252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798190462033698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762594564250875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161478493023937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295651097999826,0.0,0.19178284512826646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918694258138661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531165923309991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301727362943653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223291298046115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittenlegs88,2019/06/25,"Sudden drop in moods Im leaving for a 2 month backpacking trip in under a month. For the last little while I've been fairly stable with the help of an antidepressant, but the past week or so my mood has been shifting. I've been moving out of my house and dealing with family drama for the past month, I think stress is a contributing factor. Antidepressant not working, I've sunk back into old bilimia habits and I'm mostly just depresso sulking in bed. Not going to work and not finishing the last min planning details for my trip. 

Any observation or advice. I just need a kick in the ass.",4.249410628019324,5.96549426956522,5.297681159420288,79.83946859903384,71.52173913043478,8.241545893719808,25.82125603864734,8.841846274778883,1.9937053140096617,471,15,87,9,9,155,75,115,0.11699999999999999,0.853,0.03,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,11,0,5,1,1,0,0,18,9,8,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,16,6,1,27,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,3,14,52,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253275850179584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270262026629574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436329170671536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925762257698549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760925887587346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615923226199704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520395973650586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553498823373746,0.0,0.0,0.2017693789926296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045237877909236,0.0,0.1977876839053608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721647959184992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472911337179235,0.19853226857844067,0.0,0.13850525027059307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960086914163125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566316736636147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397168907619596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196899371034321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498347347379544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27197625053496843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,even_so,2019/06/25,"Cannot cry about my own life Hey friends,

I am suffering from this weird issue where I cannot cry. 

Please don’t make smart ass comments about being jealous. It’s awful. 

I think the issue is that I don’t feel “safe” enough to make myself be vulnerable by crying? I can cry for really sad movies and books and whatever, like if it isn’t about *me* then I feel safe, but I just can’t cry about my own life. 

Any advice?",0.4065517241379269,2.62815086206897,2.0443793103448265,95.90105172413791,86.35632183908045,5.319080459770115,15.596551724137932,6.742157984588678,-0.4176013793103453,323,6,74,4,10,105,58,87,0.18600000000000005,0.608,0.205,0.4107,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,1,1,11,3,1,2,0,12,16,5,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,2,11,5,8,14,3,2,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,1,2,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620844763780586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174778518176833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8217612384965839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459905818026015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130630326373093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559723887781345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123320519531099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113642521142776,0.07309753196983307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974709377493152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642395321023578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585139662343818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587144820137727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sports_and_wine,2019/06/25,"Dissociation A few months ago I found out my boyfriend has a serious drug addiction and he had to go to rehab. Before his parents drove him to the facility, I had a conversation with his mother saying things I would never tell someone given the situation. And the thing is, I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF WHAT I SAID. Apparently I told her that her other daughter and her husband were doing Adderall and weed, and they have kids. First of all, I would never narc them like that. Second of all, knowing how emotionally fragile my boyfriend's mother already is, I would never throw this curveball at her as she is preparing to take her son to rehab.

Days later I found out about the conversation. I told them I blacked out and didn't remember, but the fallout and damage had been done. My boyfriend's mother said I dissociated and that I need serious help. My boyfriend agreed. So I started DBT therapy a month ago. My boyfriend's mother still won't talk to me and I haven't seen her in almost three months. We used to be so close. It hurts on top of dealing with my boyfriend's addiction.

​

Has anyone else had this kind of dissociation before? After thinking hard I remember being in the kitchen with my boyfriend's mother, but I do not remember telling her the damaging family secrets. Is this a BPD trait of mine, or was my dissociation just out of pure shock in that moment? Can dissociation be prevented with DBT?

​

Thanks. This is my first post here. I thought I was Bipolar 2 for the last decade and my sister was BPD, but it looks like I have some BPD traits too and am trying to get help.",4.407352941176473,6.3966049248366055,5.148305882352943,79.95257647058827,71.64705882352942,8.033254901960785,28.906666666666666,8.726425361277474,2.29682211764706,1281,51,239,24,25,414,161,306,0.092,0.852,0.055999999999999994,-0.8649,2,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,3,3,8,10,0,0,13,0,33,7,0,2,6,52,53,19,0,4,6,10,2,2,0,4,6,3,1,1,14,21,1,1,10,0,0,3,8,6,0,4,21,8,47,4,32,25,4,32,0,3,3,0,41,11,0,3,19,174,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973922880055053,0.0,0.0,0.16241541407405838,0.0,0.0917352771105484,0.0,0.10109511991360763,0.0,0.0,0.1985211634228794,0.22263501227400145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405660675467126,0.09386639155808923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590858646627173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461428964185317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059081576617312566,0.094447014939108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374995551176787,0.0,0.0,0.1062397840542274,0.0,0.07652931347841793,0.10305014985714836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636278592892553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558486989439931,0.0,0.200893671340666,0.0,0.0,0.04786301533156991,0.0,0.052064695708365916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206554567132307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280997000949954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807157051421034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539885655730428,0.050347061241268726,0.07467526850685975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951310581938647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769302458351744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193693028280347,0.0,0.0,0.06792846515272867,0.21196836923794726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172327807311024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773810408591556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113325318214923,0.0,0.17428625760976432,0.0728528186825565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029747076339462,0.0,0.0,0.07762178237321497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484280361587864,0.0,0.0731607377398335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888014129488652,0.07363352692146631,0.16014426757142627,0.08434318670823181,0.10476526959203754,0.0,0.1217246798716327,0.058700689726770464,0.0,0.0727289753116368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750766518083727,0.0,0.062197919088488526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912257107982894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523367746703624,0.0,0.22263501227400145,0.0
bpd,tinkerbclla,2019/06/25,"DAE have trigger words? I’m mostly writing this for myself, but does anyone else have trigger words?

Yesterday I moved out of my student property to move home (~4 hours away). My family weren’t able to help me move out, so I mostly did it on my own (with the help of my bf, who was simultaneously trying to work on his master’s dissertation). 
It was hard. I broke down and felt incredibly stressed. I called my mom for some comfort. 

My mom is a great woman, but sometimes she’s a little harsh in her truth in order to get me to learn. She called me “stupid” a bunch of times and when the call ended I collapsed on my floor and broke down again. My boyfriend had to sit with me until I was able to continue packing. 

I think “stupid” might be a trigger word for me. It affects me much more than some others, and often causes a similar reaction. 
DAE have this?",3.560579185520361,4.971820270588236,4.572352941176471,85.57251131221722,72.76470588235293,7.34841628959276,24.84162895927602,7.882392219407189,1.22652036199095,666,20,137,9,13,217,104,170,0.151,0.7490000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.8552,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,1,7,0,12,0,0,5,1,29,16,9,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,7,2,26,3,27,7,8,25,0,2,0,0,15,12,0,6,8,97,33,3,0.2847305561890509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954511260128338,0.1458700513580475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375686514818605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361125989804937,0.0,0.0,0.14624835692378554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458481424319838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892792193449245,0.0,0.12609338013849014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420931400223596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366929928276653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437998189422719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695822169279694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275313257822838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908488899509864,0.0,0.1428039816840692,0.0,0.1402011216216724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426874093512324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102706225994764,0.0,0.333472986143736,0.0,0.453935280769706,0.10465486015832028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408029003062206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307894505521348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122192174499226,0.0,0.0,0.083014338528157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966566787238944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364361801509324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StormBlazr,2019/06/25,Relationship advice My girlfriend has BPD what are the most important things I should know as her partner?,6.096666666666668,9.65765866666667,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,73.44444444444446,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222207,8.841846274778883,3.300355555555555,88,4,13,2,2,26,18,18,0.0,0.884,0.11599999999999999,0.2716,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638982886293394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5979027577421949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26089785812595506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096797500118682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153879042451957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ebenzer2,2019/06/25,"Moments of clarity? Does anyone else get these times where everything seems set in place and that you've come across a big breakthrough in... Life I guess... And later you come to your senses and realize that it's a load of bullshit?

I've had a few evenings where I feel like I've solved all of my problems. I write down some overarching statements of how I can greatly improve myself, but end up just wanting to be someone else. I write some nonsense down, and then feel great about it. The next morning, I read over it and realize that I wasn't actually saying anything.

I've come across some of these things, I usually throw them out. I look like a maniac with the pages and pages of massive ""conclusions"" that I scribble down.

Maybe I'm just fucking crazy. But I hope that someone else has gotten this kind of thing. It's like a hour long manic episode where I think that I can change myself by writing down principles of another person down on a sheet of paper...",4.516753246753247,6.038041427807485,4.637467532467537,85.60477272727273,70.55080213903744,7.695798319327732,28.86516424751719,8.192908349453996,1.9024319327731087,765,29,149,11,14,238,112,187,0.083,0.7879999999999999,0.129,0.8182,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,1,8,10,2,0,8,0,6,2,0,1,1,35,21,10,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,15,11,0,0,8,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,3,4,19,7,27,17,7,32,0,0,1,1,8,18,1,6,12,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.13615072089757368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629816170562288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755514570950144,0.14295402097624751,0.1148125045167448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475929306398512,0.3605505956786151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209428860025917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34965144295084305,0.0,0.12357269735265106,0.0,0.0,0.0921511885794876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539095979198978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109031069313227,0.09967262311697328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898335413815445,0.07289308115633056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076410641851567,0.15369624978201896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857415570785428,0.13739841656737906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528789181123727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854661490290123,0.20448626278077392,0.0,0.0,0.12347019915100095,0.11716108177039702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401658998119152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838036925861842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218228801960856,0.14576798403553798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335011374109373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955706615273145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095135540264013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701314006906994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364285176282145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538086050668906,0.08939834046276147,0.0,0.0,0.08135483178897752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366080909621668,0.0,0.08229210400373582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway51022139213,2019/06/25,"Am I overreacting? My (26f) boyfriend (24m) works as a bartender at a restaurant. Earlier today I visited him at work and when I left, I told him I wanted to have a semi-serious talk about future stuff when he got home. He said ok and we parted ways in good spirits. I told him to let me know when he was on his way home so I could finish whatever I was doing. The restaurant closes at 10pm, so I thought he’d be home soon. I messaged him just after 10; he didn’t read it until 11, when he said he still had customers and would leave at 11:30. 11:45 he finally called me after I asked if he had left and he hadn’t. Am I in the the wrong for being upset?",0.8433296703296733,2.535271442857145,3.1071428571428577,91.96708791208792,81.0,6.021978021978023,20.76923076923077,7.010146845296331,0.3658296703296711,502,14,115,6,13,172,87,140,0.057,0.902,0.04,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,10,4,0,1,6,1,16,0,0,0,0,13,25,13,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,12,2,22,2,15,7,1,26,1,0,0,0,25,10,0,1,13,75,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494537608236308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831743970917286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379015928591973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698433174189893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004369965792287,0.12400299191296005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46656585322264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520822493119773,0.0,0.0,0.16416939684561302,0.33691190395701176,0.15854317556086958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789773476106565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508613416990835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29496503419859266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381848004185532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748848868631162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461863651455493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230877579462334,0.0,0.0,0.1469637509691957,0.29630271081762305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144907265878087,0.2461337020021073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22574801486639445,0.0,0.0,0.11013893491576328,0.16951646832179734,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway689118,2019/06/25,"I feel like I can’t refuse affection from others even when I know its wrong I am in a relationship and we went through very hard time (most of the time because of me)in the past few years but have been doing slightly better as i am slowly learning to recognize/understand my emotions better. However he went to study abroad for a few months while I am staying home working. 
It’s really tough. And here is my problem. I am working in a bar. I have a good number of guys who have asked me out and flirted with me. I am not interested in them rationally speaking but it makes me feel special, and I even catch myself getting jealous if one of them flirts with other girls and in turn make sure to flirt with other guys in front of them. I don’t want anything to do with any of them because I love my SO and don’t want to loose him. But in the heat of the moment i just can’t control it. I like that these other people look at me, care for me, flirt with me, that I am “special” in their eyes... 

It’s really taking a mental toll on me. I feel like 2 different people in one body: the one that craves this affection, and the one that just want her SO and is not interested in other guys. In the moment I love the attention and affection,  but afterwards I hate myself and i the guys that flirt with me and I feel like hurting myself.

I know my SO would hate the idea of me enjoying other guys flirting with me, and would be worried about how far I would take it “in the heat of the moment” (nothing more than flirting has happened but I feel so little like myself in those moments that I am honestly scared of what could happen)

If anybody has gone through or is going through something similar and has advices to give me I’ll happily listen to them!",5.6881534090909085,5.386043781250002,6.2586590909090924,81.53861363636366,67.1534090909091,9.199090909090913,30.95227272727273,8.697196308434329,2.242833636363637,1369,47,280,19,20,447,163,352,0.111,0.67,0.21899999999999997,0.9926,2,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,6,5,12,33,3,1,17,0,28,5,2,7,1,62,59,29,0,10,12,0,6,5,0,3,0,2,1,6,23,22,1,2,10,1,0,6,6,8,0,4,4,10,52,25,48,50,4,36,0,1,2,2,25,17,0,4,17,211,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873478192189999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175133978240789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472577739659875,0.0,0.08489155268094566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107092511327922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606214349890899,0.0,0.10086523358670063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258298766661376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184689104450208,0.07250137336172678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487316710351824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021447692039941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199532966135842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22957175252923565,0.194615933488876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047442499222249336,0.08710959536327828,0.05160726436768312,0.07616394450598091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44956214476344974,0.16059927129651452,0.0,0.08134453209255234,0.1793046744297817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108603709550492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972099307913074,0.10250916327417046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980944147519866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218166481884956,0.09101168264328399,0.0,0.0,0.07625435010558912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639123079136015,0.0,0.12122770668873953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151130643255256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248065412446475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713101193287152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461305642918997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866848067402425,0.12590719122221802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688928369215652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163455725535117,0.0,0.0,0.09749189116635876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091286205240663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699070603628742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967873425756616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855837825806987,0.0,0.13654994476102905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589966791490442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877108578647877,0.0,0.09453247181597813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492463701276231,0.1606795741761055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683565413017453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221601140114814,0.09221811872994566,0.0,0.19351838840954488,0.09928234062913824,0.0,0.058476224981574426
bpd,downtodownamd,2019/06/25,"I need help My best friend is my fp, I love her to death, but I’m extremely insecure about our friendship. I know this is gonna sound obsessive an toxic and I really hate myself for this and it sucks that something like this is affecting me so much. I always get jealous and mad when she’s hanging out with other friends, I just can’t help it, I try me best to control it but I just can’t deal with it. The thing is I don’t feel good enough for her, I think she’s embarrassed of me, we’ve been friends for years and she has never posted any picture with me, but today I saw she uploaded a pictured with one of her friends with a really cute caption and since that moment I feel terrible, I can’t stop crying, I’m so mad and I can’t get rid of his feeling, I hate myself for feeling like this, but I just can’t stop thinking about this. I feel used and shitty, I don’t know what else I have to do to be enough for her... I feel like she just wants me to listen to her and give her company, but that’s it...",2.2812039170506933,3.1525936958525382,3.8376238479262654,91.70500720046084,75.17511520737327,7.268317972350231,23.700748847926267,7.645422480735847,0.8265670506912435,780,22,184,10,16,260,104,217,0.22,0.5660000000000001,0.214,-0.6683,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,3,9,22,6,3,4,0,16,1,0,3,1,41,41,16,1,2,9,0,6,3,4,1,0,2,0,0,16,14,0,3,10,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,2,9,42,12,22,37,5,10,0,0,1,1,23,1,1,0,10,127,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639597679990996,0.0,0.0,0.08695426314502161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683780381807279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341423838886388,0.0,0.0,0.14045640963478115,0.0,0.1318257450826736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681686209418297,0.0,0.0,0.26424255157915005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879218034866588,0.18269708967649845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39516035499986185,0.0,0.133610949209047,0.12266212691684368,0.0,0.10724916570348857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25248530474704645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141373722103131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054523300990054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740875839611165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540538233866438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939973017537028,0.09481210747480144,0.098619274262813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664630569508583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246168871217288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383034873776753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577329104914993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843862406723064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138058578993105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494946414862019,0.16386462113360345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120340871232063,0.0,0.0,0.08681361747343842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104364377442733,0.0,0.0,0.07541954568203807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823424572275254
bpd,mxsked_savior,2019/06/25,"Help with a BPD boyfriend? I just want to prefix this by saying that I absolutely love my boyfriend. I don't plan to leave him because of this disorder, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

That being said, I have a problem. He recently told me about his BPD. He seemed nervous about telling me, and after a few internet searches, I can see why. He told me that he's scared of splitting on me (he tried explaining it, and I did my own research on it. I wanted to try my best to understand this.) 



So anyways, I was wondering, does anyone have any advice as to what I should do if he does split on me? I don't want him to be scared of his disorder. I want to do my best to help him.",1.820291375291376,3.30321288811189,3.41554195804196,91.7997231934732,77.46153846153845,7.004428904428905,24.50407925407925,7.793537801064563,1.0656484848484853,525,18,121,8,12,174,79,143,0.113,0.7290000000000001,0.158,0.7051,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,3,4,0,13,1,0,0,0,17,26,6,0,8,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,5,3,27,3,21,17,4,6,0,0,1,1,21,4,0,3,2,85,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397702157698435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726736121423786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001201614944556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719160392013743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30020866875907665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602901735461402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278564748873845,0.0,0.2503383265831132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917440421242311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514513202067118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909288865205878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686328705274653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122785568770785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605716017281122,0.11374560170690175,0.2864020189175173,0.0,0.11397880167704084,0.13021189321582258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501716751821731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733483681880003,0.0,0.19422006888887214,0.0,0.0,0.148902422441351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374583339397091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906505690621867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511321327981445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Giaisbeautiful99,2019/06/25,"I feel like an actress I just started a great job. I am managing a department but it’s been a year since I’ve been back to work. I was very agoraphobic and lost my mother in July 2016. Her loss kind of made the BPD relapse or perhaps I just hid it well from clients. Anyhow, I have been having emotional breakdowns, daily panic attacks and struggles with feeling good about myself. I always feel like I am putting on an act and I hate it. My mood swings from bawling to being ok, to feeling numb within ten hours. I just wish I had a buddy to discuss this with because struggling with BPD is awful. I guess you could say I was forced to function but when I couldn’t cry, I completely went numb after my mom died. Denial is awful and it caught up with me.",2.7603643724696383,4.569177263157896,3.8752631578947394,88.10414979757088,75.71052631578948,5.992712550607287,25.508097165991906,6.67199483983844,0.9698222672064772,592,21,118,5,13,192,102,152,0.298,0.564,0.139,-0.9879,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,3,7,17,2,3,7,3,15,2,0,1,0,24,27,8,1,3,6,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,4,1,0,5,1,9,1,1,10,5,22,7,18,14,0,15,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,3,8,81,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340445544215045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872219622323562,0.0,0.11403999204241062,0.0,0.09040741376427304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37357843336409496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554985179525524,0.0,0.0,0.11841217590984457,0.0,0.16290979476542053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392068674152562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682696917902567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999566985722624,0.21190307698188351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243940352665211,0.0,0.1635105158974054,0.16337840437471052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642382389162406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460538828645927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717318582738184,0.0,0.0,0.1544403586473358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491196923391728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618961195557912,0.0,0.0,0.14033297799734226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736969857779451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400793269378326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909088802480772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794077887133625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268222704315145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104973436868393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100882463515818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236994813425088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333470474910412,0.13748335693402974,0.0,0.0,0.17054732127624356,0.0,0.0,0.1079702692114486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550573620881438
bpd,titfortitt,2019/06/25,"I’m posting here instead of texting my toxic ex boyfriend just because I’m lonely and bored. I can’t stand being alone. I really can’t. Anytime I find myself alone, no notifications, no one to talk to- I text my ex, knowing how bad he is for me and how bad I am for him. It’s like I’ll do anything for attention no matter how harmful it is to me or my mental health. I just want to be okay being alone. Why is that so hard?",1.1121739130434776,2.589336086956525,3.645,89.41250000000002,79.43478260869566,5.9043478260869575,23.45652173913044,6.6274283507984215,0.599321739130434,328,11,74,3,8,115,60,92,0.266,0.664,0.069,-0.9536,0,5,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,3,0,13,14,7,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,13,2,8,11,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6714938102629666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778452692556271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608961030304136,0.1317424673436482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975263481124364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359772111425969,0.0,0.0,0.2297214803616842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187718456189551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558348911672692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779436092119248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644597220518427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069796388602398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384496113547371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370606498730345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747097065565705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501131164243413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nurthman,2019/06/25,"Got involved with a married woman This is going to be a rant because I don’t feel like I have anyone else to talk to. Years ago I was diagnosed with borderline. It’s always flared up with my relationships and been a determining factor in my relationships failing. Well this time around I put myself in a position where I got real close with this married woman (I’m a man). Over the course of about a year and a half we got really close.  Talked about everything and despite it being a bad situation I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Well cue a couple months ago she backed off real hard from me after having some struggling times. It was really hard on me and in spite of knowing deep down I understand why she did, I couldn’t help but take it very personal. I started becoming volatile around her, hyper sensitive to everything involving her, and lashing out in some pretty severe ways. I became hyper suicidal, blew up on her and head butted a tree, was hospitalized 2 times, etc. Well I was able to work through that and maintain a friendly relationship with her, or at least so I thought. I offered to hang out and she kind of turned it down. I reacted extremely hostile and even reached out and told her husband about us. Immediately after doing it I just had a “what the fuck have I done” moment that I haven’t quite gotten over. She won’t talk to me and has told me to never contact her again. 

I just can’t bring myself to forgive myself for how I reacted over things and only blame myself. I feel so alone and I only have myself to blame. I don’t know why I can’t control my obsessive thoughts over people I develop feelings for. I don’t know why I can’t control myself in highly emotional states like that. I just don’t understand myself and hate how I get. I don’t want to ever develop feelings for people again. All I do is hurt people and make things difficult. I just want to cry and isolate from the world.",4.143290535583272,5.749360372340425,5.314955979457082,80.05000000000003,71.6063829787234,8.377696258253852,27.85913426265591,8.939507131559953,2.281132355099046,1524,56,286,30,29,505,186,376,0.162,0.7490000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9856,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,0,5,22,18,4,2,15,0,31,3,1,8,3,66,60,23,1,3,7,1,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,4,15,29,0,2,12,0,0,4,12,10,3,1,16,6,58,8,54,39,5,51,0,2,0,1,32,28,1,3,19,216,73,2,0.08623764267358483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288893389703898,0.0,0.0,0.08931618989758923,0.0,0.0,0.07175662705794025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029936488243585,0.08836065601220851,0.0,0.15353957084294267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631142408398552,0.0720048294837024,0.05256966654495685,0.09524270098549048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344569838804196,0.0,0.0954203113521431,0.09472800106919838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752939202557122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825104952509799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204048468116707,0.0970057407384094,0.0,0.0,0.0961777674723816,0.05695914965932426,0.07800688499647608,0.0,0.0,0.15500966519943654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441737314801248,0.06160818915710475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662698880788967,0.07972531103686836,0.0450556089695071,0.0,0.04901083967865354,0.0,0.20691636241394992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450397807250227,0.08514181830585693,0.0885047009436117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780327407261384,0.09111480425977593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231918009142218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898032342385441,0.1421818593126251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426271235745192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057564296130887774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883406362695292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066511786411903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117522654054034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935896929403752,0.07529938324163234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877346855912125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669264988368586,0.0,0.09172434818461536,0.0,0.19631463437045396,0.11049208427548574,0.0,0.0,0.2777608640838131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742398965208038,0.0,0.0,0.09693472358069713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103944734707425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015430832208456,0.0,0.09432998414911023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483997488348406,0.2079436516715448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458491572755715,0.0,0.0,0.1369261108893267,0.15085758884315698,0.0,0.0,0.16480752641519494,0.0,0.0,0.09380179146637788,0.0,0.1795528547140364,0.10373326597544004,0.0,0.0,0.07115508674227101,0.10173039197831536,0.06845142672243378,0.0,0.0,0.23261399246425826,0.0,0.2334481773169485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627820309517369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106842893922164
bpd,Miles_Melarky,2019/06/25,"How do you just be one person? I just feel like an ever-shifting impression of a person, like I wake up as a new actor reading the same script differently every day.",5.374545454545455,5.5690769090909065,6.935909090909089,74.72386363636366,67.7878787878788,9.024242424242424,28.62121212121212,8.841846274778883,2.2504666666666666,130,4,24,2,2,45,28,33,0.0,0.784,0.21600000000000005,0.7096,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,17,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019463161881104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271596644619442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832487398768068,0.26382993390316944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833057927844807,0.2237038685191723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30596410938506635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30242795321233423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121885336127373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5468352035248326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132199655357088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwmeawayfaraway99,2019/08/09,"I’m lost I turned 25 recently but I still feel like I’m 17. I honestly can’t tell where the time has gone. I can’t function in this world. I’m ill all the time with headaches and bodily pain, I’m also moody, suicidal, angry one day and clinically depressed another, never had a friend in my life, never had a job, never been in a relationship, I come from a really poor family while living in a really expensive city, been homeless and I’m transgender. Seriously, my life is fucking retarded. I can’t do anything and no medication and no kind of therapy has helped after 5 years. The only thing that I’ve stopped was the self harm but that only stopped after I transitioned. It’s great that I transitioned and I have no regret but transitioning also comes with a lot more consequences. I fucking hate my life. I don’t know what to do. I want to kill myself everyday.",3.1926315789473665,5.226379842105266,5.21038596491228,78.01136842105268,75.14035087719299,9.472280701754386,26.604678362573104,9.888512548439397,2.87435485380117,687,26,131,21,15,237,102,171,0.3720000000000001,0.56,0.069,-0.9967,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,16,4,0,10,0,15,9,0,0,4,24,31,12,2,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,7,0,0,1,7,10,0,2,2,0,2,3,10,11,0,1,7,1,16,5,12,24,3,24,0,3,0,2,5,6,2,1,16,84,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893409600629465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353607139827115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264485933110957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358289648147863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827963220414027,0.0,0.11789902543106005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290431876473719,0.0,0.0692132719685272,0.09779081692740764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575716887769293,0.2530963303013405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091642040852654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351457992959769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917512666737402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583744301267786,0.0,0.15144319674618156,0.1425448752683851,0.07522852813707971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900582028068732,0.06687519622546906,0.0,0.1208721427860084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942636996339245,0.11637490518780776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378974417489101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167229235679215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275695669447002,0.2082147315079442,0.14565550794045054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753843333677283,0.0,0.1351576247732171,0.1469634809962939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280112109038434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931670055608356,0.22888431933821202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973019556162534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964370155843355,0.0,0.1565401601798582,0.0,0.09094044695893937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963772624503464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889179413080655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073843975949424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814958327303513
bpd,pyroclasticfroyo,2019/08/09,"A kind letter to my ex-friend who struggled with her BPD I hope this helps someone on here with some closure.

I had a friend once who sometimes was completely on my side; other times she acted like I betrayed her or was trying to hurt her when I couldn't come console her a few times a week. I ended up trying to just gently ghost her, but I couldn't. I was honest with her and told her I felt as though we didn't have much in common anymore but that I absolutely wish her the best. 
I found out later through mutual friends she has BPD, and that she hated me with a fiery passion, and our mutual friend isn't even allowed to mention me without major hurt feelings. This is what I wish I could send her:

I do not hate you. I, in fact, admired a lot of things about you. You kept a clean house for your son and husband. Your art was always beautiful and striking. You pursued your dreams and you tried your hardest to do what was right. I saw how much you struggled with your husband cheating on you, your mom treating you like trash, and your general lack of close, authentic relationships. There was no giant falling out between us. No major betrayal. I can barely keep my own mental health together with anxiety, let alone be there for you when you needed me. I just want you to know I don't think badly of you. I know you hate me and talk a bunch of shit about me now. But it's ok. I appreciate the fun times we had together and I will always want the best for you. 

I hope someone on this sub with BPD reads this and feels some sense of closure if they have been in a similar situation. I have sympathy for my ex-friend because we were pretty close for a while. I am sad she has this incredibly hostile attitude towards the decision I had to make for my own good. But I don't judge her; I don't have BPD, I would never presume what it feels like. And I truly want the best for you girl. Good luck.",4.153222777222776,4.895791600000003,4.896688311688312,86.32986763236765,70.66233766233766,7.897102897102897,27.275224775224785,8.012643519586192,1.5058591408591409,1486,48,314,19,26,480,188,385,0.14,0.593,0.267,0.9962,1,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,5,22,1,3,13,33,6,2,15,1,34,3,1,3,2,71,59,23,1,14,10,4,4,3,3,2,1,0,1,1,16,26,0,2,10,3,0,4,12,12,0,0,17,5,81,21,43,35,15,32,0,3,1,1,59,16,1,8,15,235,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765317262435117,0.0,0.0,0.14084111795773308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474320721044878,0.0,0.08393214936786572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706641400149145,0.05159084889036512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664480185451115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42636389432926586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729029278438471,0.08873498542147316,0.0,0.0,0.06757172249250047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495878425839644,0.0,0.0,0.05589860229539148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283773647428163,0.06046107928980456,0.08125994043263647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279456072746843,0.32693215855462165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197052230762802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25066957645880905,0.0,0.0899598012635979,0.0,0.0,0.05672700958638024,0.0,0.0,0.16811723728666575,0.0,0.09765390303522993,0.18120049765603374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522476240334179,0.0,0.08813114847332525,0.09302300865177654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865418989997002,0.0,0.12404068199504227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195105420917619,0.0,0.0,0.056492481279658426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528909614353464,0.0,0.0,0.09911991254773753,0.0,0.0,0.12442843669642488,0.06275351575460641,0.06527337431882399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013026063633824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610111503958473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846548488265473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086303761853806,0.0,0.07227521965075119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687347660104608,0.0,0.09512985349078293,0.0,0.0,0.14341674678225838,0.0,0.08370315884480557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695137150936516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802395257046162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562257044883494,0.054228733849541126,0.08315045746125323,0.0,0.1480487052988312,0.0,0.0,0.08086945143555274,0.0,0.17237860828950638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180181084592367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975434385595418,0.0,0.06788664233735428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464512287810345,0.08158217605800135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012010638550036,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worstgurl,2019/08/09,"DAE notice that a lot of Reddit absolutely hates people with BPD? I actually deleted Reddit for almost a month because of the way it was affecting my mental health, and just recently redownloaded it (and will probably delete again, but I’m still here for now) - but I keep noticing so many comments or thread on subreddits (AITA, relationship_advice, dating, JustNoFamily, etc) where people with BPD are completely demonized as nightmare people. We’re called horrible people, liars, cheaters, manipulators, beyond repair. I know we struggle but the overall image in so many minds makes me feel hopeless. 

I feel so sick and sad to my stomach. I hardly tell people about my diagnosis (for which I did extensive DBT and consider myself well-off because of the coping tools I learned) because of the stigma and stereotype. Not to mention, since I’ve learned different tactics to not outwardly express my symptoms, most people wouldn’t even “believe” me if I did tell them. 

I’m happy I was directed to this sub because I read a lot of posts on here and I can relate and I know nobody is inherently evil and that we all have the ability to become better, but I can’t shake how terrible I feel knowing this label categorizes so many of us as undateable, unloveable and untrustable.",7.3420411160058725,8.716370105726874,7.674114537444936,66.99713362701911,63.801762114537446,10.282408223201175,36.27870778267254,10.355215969177356,4.196438707782674,1022,48,156,24,15,334,144,227,0.19,0.762,0.048,-0.9892,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,3,0,1,1,15,11,3,2,8,0,11,4,1,4,1,43,22,22,0,2,9,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,13,0,1,9,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,4,4,25,2,23,16,5,15,1,2,0,0,10,6,0,6,6,109,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.10678079137761554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957104910366622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668123006335689,0.1208487985498342,0.0,0.12328193585241767,0.0,0.09677550467101476,0.0,0.0,0.27562817340636075,0.0,0.1117328324381026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472764122035507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432345411188904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220352586180154,0.07227267529716715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598224672119374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648252131959627,0.0980212652940004,0.10803228323164192,0.0,0.11631123569359303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972599421852001,0.0,0.0,0.18040759759774055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605456897362815,0.0,0.0,0.0730405160164918,0.33281239386466505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027236637147084,0.0,0.11048575540092796,0.0,0.08734017202942793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491569864455516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551596232371258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479671958122852,0.0,0.1179762004909246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945233244367253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804173623212893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051560563821946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738512641861275,0.0,0.0,0.11439238631498932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373210443589607,0.0,0.0,0.19128056248844874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162206062060436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685466280180733,0.0,0.0,0.09838416741061104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,momsmilk4,2019/08/09,"i know for a fact my FP is free now and he hasn’t talked to me today and i’m freaking out my FP is my boyfriend. i feel so dumb for saying this but he hasn’t even opened my texts this morning and i know he’s free right now judging by a mutual friend’s story. it’s been all day and i haven’t gotten a single text back from him :( he’s always the first and last person i text and i always try to text him in between even if i’m busy just to let him know i’m still there i guess. i don’t think he’s a bad boyfriend or anything, he’s far from that. i feel guilty because everybody always says to me that clingy isn’t cute and you should let your partner have space. i totally agree with that but i can’t help but get all these invasive thoughts that i’m just not a priority to him and he’d rather be doing anything else than talking to me. how do i stop being so clingy and being so easily hurt? i feel like i’m a horrible girlfriend :(",-0.03454104148278958,1.9042975582524304,1.981235657546339,97.53576345984115,85.55339805825244,5.104677846425419,18.101500441306268,6.351523495107088,-0.3282349514563108,731,18,177,7,22,243,109,206,0.156,0.726,0.11800000000000001,-0.8391,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,14,9,1,0,7,0,19,0,0,1,4,37,35,18,0,3,9,0,3,1,3,1,0,2,0,2,8,12,0,1,8,0,2,0,7,4,0,1,3,5,27,7,16,25,4,15,0,1,0,0,22,6,1,3,10,110,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006503596018239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641581461758319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234157596041298,0.13401206275772176,0.09784023519936014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351020067228957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340784225643422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120194768463283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24346316897020334,0.11466231599896001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652250858756584,0.0,0.0,0.12400307409243835,0.0,0.08385541831156754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681051636093534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758078379137366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182019379621394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646223092233805,0.13083015841755907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32824735141395395,0.0,0.07841293408755723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401437340377201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370674187730906,0.0,0.2552744971657923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817671901064073,0.1341864552100365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25801007976540713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284289149181816,0.0,0.12742027650953966,0.0,0.0,0.1521366714109287,0.0,0.0,0.10896999462200754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mooshbabii,2019/08/09,"Trying to not lash out My aunt said something really passive agressive and rude this past week to me and I tried my hardest to avoid the situation until I felt I could suck up my pride and talk with her. Unfortunately she came over early this morning to drop off her kids and I heard her talking about me with my grandma
 They asked if I'd like to talk I said no and walked downstairs and told my mom what I heard. This was a mistake my mom started crying and went upstairs and yelled. I hit my breaking point because I hate seeing my mom cry and called my aunt the most narcissistic bitch uve ever met.

In short: I've completely ruined our family vacation in septemeber  and inadvertantly hurt my grandma. I feel shitty. And don't know what to do. I'm trying to just suck up my pride and hurt from how she's treated me over the years and just apologize however my moms not willing to do the same.... and I 100 mean it when I called my aunt a bitch. She's a classically controlling gaslighted that has caused several rifts with different family members. But i just want to get it over with. Though it's hard to suck up my pride and control how angry I am with the situation. 
Does anyone here have any tips to deal with a situation like this? I'm trying my best but I keep fucking up.",4.065114551083589,5.444882850980395,5.007347781217753,83.06674922600621,71.47058823529412,8.191950464396285,27.14654282765737,8.6894789155246,1.8862549019607844,1017,35,205,18,19,332,139,255,0.156,0.785,0.059000000000000004,-0.9622,2,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,6,10,20,8,1,9,0,9,1,0,5,1,48,35,23,0,4,8,7,3,2,0,1,0,5,0,1,10,23,0,4,4,0,0,3,4,13,0,0,10,9,40,7,31,22,3,26,0,3,1,1,30,13,6,2,10,132,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796556816895356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988339579139972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343445228938717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092513280937097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048854029077389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041086603366931,0.11430968221367692,0.0,0.10267035260368007,0.0,0.0,0.10478972313732343,0.0,0.22419211762764374,0.07979741088893752,0.0,0.21956829575746295,0.0,0.10303821043134803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442054745532292,0.0,0.0,0.08746195223293363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040536379265962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843722939722876,0.0,0.05053485366041234,0.0,0.09596222526713524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092396917888679,0.052216784710376725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953048404438066,0.0986743293012821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398493380634587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883510813548352,0.0,0.0,0.05492678719515291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976554975266069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886866949896563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682143415672265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540816705316164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447969189122296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402689375165889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901398800000723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964268710995541,0.0,0.0,0.11290863911597696,0.0,0.0,0.3370248260720721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694202414597086,0.0,0.0,0.07074110757485608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409943875927022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819479176922208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550108546192518,0.0,0.2714225443573205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058949752294204114,0.0,0.08016930888605706,0.0,0.0,0.09264939048166866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436086843221021
bpd,BasketMiserable,2019/08/09,"DAE see that AITA post about a gf with BPD? so many of the comments were something along the lines of “people with BPD are huge red flags! run away asap! they are horrible lying manipulators! they can never have proper relationships ! they’re all destructive! run for your life!”

the entire post grossed me out. tldr OP has a BPD gf who stole knives from her ex and he returned them to her ex. obviously stealing is shitty and he’s NTA for returning the knives. but the way he talked about her is so,,,gross? he even said that the only reason he dated her was bc she was hotter than anyone else he could find...like jfc what sort of reasoning is that? and it contributes so heavily to the “hot psycho” stereotype that a lot of women with BPD get slapped with. ughhhhh",2.110761035007613,4.876312191780824,3.1719634703196355,86.76797564687976,84.61643835616441,5.984170471841705,20.439878234398783,7.3871296695380915,0.8522736681887366,604,18,114,10,18,193,101,146,0.11599999999999999,0.8740000000000001,0.011000000000000001,-0.9301,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,3,0,5,3,1,0,10,0,12,1,0,3,3,19,15,6,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,4,10,0,19,10,2,12,0,0,2,0,25,3,0,2,4,68,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194495857603307,0.14938670472696067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369814923150338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7345070768822145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640739055998425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179505109112933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962978327195826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332562169457648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617314376311553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298104216870728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239517679819358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781571827160322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244797227631273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088552144744364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107758586716983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792672868494108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29980809748940784,0.0,0.1565318851935677,0.0,0.0,0.1386867507706656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618168159062993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122419907545828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117186457917843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157272199349736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frenchtoastwizard,2019/08/09,"My FP barely communicates with me So over the past year, my FP has basically not responded to 75% of my texts. When I do get a response it's generally short ""yeah"" or something like that. I confessed my feelings to her and I feel like that destroyed our friendship. We used to hang out all the time and I'm sure she knew, it was just me vocalizing it I guess. Keep in mind she has a boyfriend, and I was clear I would never try and get between them, but I needed to be honest and that our friendship means the world to me. She promised me she wouldn't let our friendship die and it's been over a year since I've been to her house. The last time we went out for coffee was probably 6 months ago and the last time we had a beer, maybe two or three months. I know she spends most of her time with her boyfriend, but the communication thing just makes me feel she's not invested in our friendship. She also has BPD so I'm sure it contributes. I've told her how it upsets me that she doesn't respond and she's promised to do better but her behavior doesn't change. 

Do I just give up? I just feel addicted to her attention. I just need some advice.",1.1720338983050844,3.3884523389830536,2.3916000000000004,94.7296711864407,82.81355932203391,5.8098983050847455,20.880677966101693,7.087006719466742,0.34451206779661003,896,27,204,12,25,286,118,236,0.044000000000000004,0.7979999999999999,0.158,0.9764,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,7,0,1,1,10,10,1,1,10,1,18,2,0,3,5,54,38,18,1,4,12,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,15,1,1,9,1,2,2,6,2,0,2,9,4,45,8,21,25,3,25,1,0,0,0,29,9,0,5,16,136,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276013536273922,0.0,0.13693139859040818,0.1242149616173952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120602608652464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393177320260135,0.0,0.0,0.17648623167074726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823677740598806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543067561242276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28341158197332245,0.10010742643572323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464221273873133,0.1344234860940629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543667211451155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168882575519986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245521491990164,0.0,0.0,0.07701064970078761,0.22844594312011984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329030989000532,0.0,0.13691886409917878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353648628678256,0.0,0.14077734753454885,0.15264040367748882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148927073037515,0.0,0.2236975653751194,0.0,0.0,0.20780617996829567,0.1080753038911592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376797199916404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108161690553326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115915277811119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787733219717237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26413784519687145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309477505164702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32683890857162856,0.0,0.0,0.1338982491807261,0.0,0.09513767121556063,0.0,0.13688463339708626,0.0,0.0,0.12102554656874005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299000017973909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995428662205376,0.0,0.0,0.1804755947461937
bpd,mattbpd,2019/08/09,"How the hell am I supposed to deal with splitting?? This has been a really hard month and I'm in a rough spot inter-personally. I have a girlfriend for the first time in like 7 years though since I thought I was actually ready this time, and I keep fucking splitting on her and trying really hard to push her away. I've been really open with her about what's happening and she just wants to support me however she can, and she's been trying really hard. Today I thought I really had to push her away because I felt like it was inevitable that she'd straight up leave because I'm not worth her time and I said some really fucking cruel shit to hurt her. I'm even bringing up old stuff that I've said I've forgiven her for and that I've been committed to dropping as a topic. Totally unfair stuff.


I have the DBT skills workbook and I did a bunch of CBT sessions last year. But I've been so overwhelmed and stressed that my impulse control is all fucked and when I'm in the moment I end up acting like an idiot even though I'm self-aware and can tell exactly what it is that I'm doing. 


Is there anything I can actually do in the moment to not impulsively hurt people to push them away? In the past I've just isolated myself long-term when I feel like I can't trust myself around people like this, but I don't want that. It sucks. I'm ok with working hard and I'm ok with feeling like shit for a while, I just don't want to hurt people. 


Every time I write about this or try to communicate it with people I feel like an unstable teenager having moodswings. I'm actually a 28 year old man lmfao. halp.",3.528545454545455,4.6224581121212145,4.71916666666667,85.71875000000001,72.42424242424242,7.9242424242424265,25.87121212121212,8.344100000000001,1.5132121212121217,1267,40,268,20,24,418,153,330,0.162,0.726,0.11199999999999999,-0.9361,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,4,18,25,9,2,15,2,26,5,2,2,4,45,54,23,0,3,8,0,9,7,1,0,0,2,0,1,18,19,0,2,6,0,1,5,5,14,0,1,14,11,35,11,35,39,4,41,1,4,0,3,19,15,7,2,27,163,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.2375291787216824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667674758411258,0.07222765883460268,0.0,0.0,0.22868798261222825,0.0,0.0,0.09891870660865523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910001886125186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364697816113491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186183351581332,0.0,0.0,0.10717826047100344,0.0,0.0683600275888269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230734049867375,0.17388932026163326,0.07790265502099475,0.0,0.0,0.06901368309741839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250249574532346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174771772184002,0.0,0.2907253304289815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605711950447324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211682267232124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613613524998481,0.0,0.08591061544608873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774704191924885,0.0,0.0,0.07180222723659106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476145838563689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027579250501038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774528675573904,0.2249961296096488,0.07084425380862792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118642779770713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435658600188654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846418599046956,0.0,0.16656853160595345,0.06711599589951787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294026368887016,0.0,0.18576111736557988,0.0,0.09207142812663463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091586780595689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943012923598676,0.12882480221310122,0.1892426888131232,0.0,0.07690682025166197,0.0,0.0,0.16525672038498326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356718605986446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059067497552979485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674550636050866
bpd,notthere222,2019/08/09,"when i hit it off with someone, i don't want to see them again because i feel i can't live up to who i made them think i am does anyone else experience this flavor of crazy? I can meet someone and have the most interesting, charming, fun, intelligent conversation that engages my mind and my sense of humor on many levels, all of them pleasant, and then i don't want to see them again because it feels like i can't be \*her\* again, even though \*she\* is no more interesting, charming, fun, or intelligent than I am... I wasn't putting on an act when I met that person, I was instead somehow able to enter a tiny window of not feeling self conscious. I might even think something like 'ah, the problem was that i hadn't been meeting interesting enough people but now that i have, i'll be okay and can have a solid friend'. Then suddenly I feel like if I made someone like me or warm up to me I can only let them down next time, or that i'd have to fake it to be with them again. In reality i didn't make them do anything. they probably simply liked me, but the thought of that throws my mind into all sorts of turmoil because i don't know who it was that they liked. i end up feeling a lot safer, but emptier and much more lonely, hanging around people who are so self centered that they barely know the other person is there or has any feelings.",7.300104638009052,5.591137783088236,7.406764705882356,79.22601809954752,64.55147058823529,9.9868778280543,34.158371040723985,8.384062270229773,2.465617873303167,1055,36,221,11,13,342,141,272,0.083,0.7290000000000001,0.188,0.9783,0,2,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,10,0,15,23,0,1,8,2,31,0,0,3,2,45,51,19,0,4,9,0,7,6,1,1,0,0,1,4,17,9,0,0,12,0,0,5,10,4,1,0,11,10,40,19,26,34,8,30,0,1,2,0,24,12,0,10,19,161,57,0,0.11358551208867965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724204323347819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942163104710605,0.11638178004966054,0.09347119833613236,0.10111518728592113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772202171995569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939944706806204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488612037552224,0.0,0.10060304974442856,0.1173641973088807,0.0,0.15004431896819026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110842617367987,0.0,0.0,0.3445934866488585,0.16229102506322235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775588487866869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484725385234367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614888176456667,0.0,0.3329528626841963,0.0,0.1002980881573534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965663405214448,0.0,0.21495471584219053,0.07581921132514984,0.1151578813068469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049627855645452,0.22937797523966955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349842070170535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079948070585042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638690030264293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749178466509944,0.19835697591679108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246439324634566,0.10868599501038716,0.0,0.11418481217807315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810258943377054,0.0,0.23698892237641705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28872190738145864,0.08744367649190371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556201952892964,0.1115971889219832,0.09017420897359156,0.06623262552940086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399135585808936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kaleb4453,2019/08/09,"How do you guys decide not to drink? I feel like no matter what I have to drink to feel more stable and happy. It’s like when I drink all my anxieties and mood swings either vanish or get worse. When they vanish I’m so happy and confident and everything is okay. I drink every single day and have now graduated to drinking multiple times a day. 

How tf am I supposed to not want to drink? I see family who quit drinking talking about how much better they are. Why? I’m best when I am drinking. I know it’s not healthy but idk what else to do",1.0673809523809543,3.2885662142857166,2.905357142857145,90.85630952380954,83.28571428571429,5.8761904761904775,19.154761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.3683011904761901,424,11,90,6,12,141,68,112,0.069,0.74,0.191,0.8953,0,0,8,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,3,9,8,0,0,1,1,8,8,0,3,1,21,16,14,0,1,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,8,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,12,7,8,16,6,7,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,9,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410944324071261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538299001043598,0.0972395210735668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181392619744393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8616525843898938,0.0,0.0,0.09184692619043276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263540796745512,0.0,0.09881361391019514,0.0,0.10364860292456587,0.0,0.11118539574486347,0.07854642882098875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744296710109637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886519013498462,0.0,0.2340820567159809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042420358358613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742947048111358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808239735469849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694257020705875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761382534131668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837153771416492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641112002927538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484981219038596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921040743602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204577126250093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tabbyrecurve,2019/08/09,New psych! About to go to an appointment with a new psychiatrist. I have no idea what to expect. I'm wondering if they'll put me on any meds that'll actually work this time. Wish me luck!,0.2230769230769205,2.568470282051287,2.580205128205129,90.45646153846157,89.76923076923076,7.222564102564102,18.056410256410253,8.238735603445708,0.8932625641025638,147,4,34,4,5,50,33,39,0.055999999999999994,0.785,0.159,0.6229,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,18,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.2776165416302614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345970807768872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167950905098208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211491908060405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31599895182241994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5495152051338822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28598622597416545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588562217866362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271439684072489,0.0,0.3085120906488889,0.20710863164259188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,help--------,2019/08/09,"My long distance boyfriend just went to sleep and I threw a fit because he didn't stay up to spend time with me I told him he didn't want to hang out with me. We were talking on the phone, and he said he couldn't keep his eyes open. I told him I was extremely tired too, but I really wanted to spend time together because we rarely have time to talk during the day. He begged me to let him sleep, and it just feels so humiliating begging for him to stay up every night so I said ""Can I hang up?"" And hung up. He texted me that he hates himself and ruined everything. I texted him goodnight. And now I feel like shit.",1.8861945031712464,3.46360451162791,2.8875123326286136,95.24809725158563,77.52713178294574,6.241296687808315,21.029598308668078,6.980632752743323,0.1778930232558138,478,12,113,5,11,152,76,129,0.15,0.813,0.038,-0.9424,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,3,0,8,5,4,0,0,21,20,9,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,12,0,1,2,0,2,4,3,3,0,0,10,5,23,1,16,8,0,21,0,1,1,0,23,8,1,0,8,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272490908802784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723653708628172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009767063601528,0.0,0.14944131450048176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681518470569199,0.11879012524524216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641666050980502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477968811076684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003207918038335,0.0,0.08123577637479715,0.0,0.0,0.14715214632195972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604206928920425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652292097258603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163398101045612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068354199340388,0.0,0.0,0.3327992183785529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544636970037454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672983658392669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908767830714151,0.19111385225321575,0.0,0.3177744220706713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615194294276786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414278472913345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aweemidmorningvalium,2019/08/09,"BPD potential bf hello all. I don’t have BPD, but someone I’m starting to care very much about does. I’ve been doing lots of reading bc I just wanna understand and help as much as I can. But it’s difficult knowing which issues arise from his BPD and which are just...him, you know?

If anyone could give me some input, I’d be so grateful. These are a few of the things I’ve noticed he does:

*Lots of suicidal ideation & talk of self harm, but the next day he’ll be ok again
*We’ll either be texting constantly, or he just disappears for days. I feel like he’s...testing me? Like he’ll post cryptic things during this time that seem aimed at me
*He sometimes does things that seem calculated to push me away
*This last one...I really don’t know if it’s BPD or not, but it could be the thing that keeps me from trying to get with him. He never asks me about myself. Like, we have so much fun because he’s hilarious & I could talk to him for hours, but he seems very very preoccupied with his own stuff. I feel like he knows very little about me bc he just hasn’t asked? Also, I know he is attracted to me but he’s never said anything complimentary to me. Like, it’s not essential, but it would be nice...",1.5131182795698948,3.5276065483870984,2.9520967741935493,92.30231182795698,80.29032258064517,6.2301075268817225,20.413978494623656,7.333567415737692,0.4187413978494625,936,25,209,13,24,305,133,248,0.076,0.758,0.166,0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,2,1,0,0,11,12,0,0,4,1,21,0,0,0,3,45,43,18,1,7,17,0,2,5,1,4,0,1,0,1,18,5,0,1,11,1,0,2,7,2,0,0,2,3,24,10,24,29,10,17,0,0,0,0,29,3,0,10,16,124,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059931583593329,0.0,0.191307649795989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617290301993551,0.0,0.07264880296198938,0.0,0.16506404881205222,0.0,0.08294411802189268,0.0,0.0,0.05381606489638007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447538177838019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000967889469239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540179319734972,0.0,0.2114586761623756,0.0,0.0,0.1138695479516527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23176928208227135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927635734917977,0.12613777197889697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612385308123145,0.08468841743938113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917375842692028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694027305220102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214377484712616,0.0,0.07846935614329573,0.0,0.0,0.24258819045112934,0.07196184965680756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565133919461127,0.08848204769418695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010889279657216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946929242753888,0.0,0.1361774897642193,0.0,0.09388921751223044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005099728918067,0.0,0.0,0.05982236482219375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455003084219237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830618096484806,0.0,0.05655589590644147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397667472872478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411066449242641,0.09209768266789782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480129827349215,0.0,0.08731344269982193,0.0,0.06248665961881495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106210129617088,0.09656649703687377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419159220977236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346033241685847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051478113551483635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059937880263543124,0.0,0.0,0.09190497787690327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29136854140437485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271320624506327,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway23469086543,2019/08/09,"Does dissociation cause pwBPD to stop contact with their loved ones? I just needed to ask, does dissociating cause you to stop contact with your loved ones? Like, for a prolonged time? I've been going through this with someone I really care about and he's just cut off from everyone I know of.",4.194545454545452,6.632443000000002,4.361818181818183,83.38272727272731,73.54545454545455,7.309090909090909,25.54545454545455,8.238735603445708,1.5825636363636364,235,8,45,4,5,73,41,55,0.10300000000000001,0.6679999999999999,0.228,0.87,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,12,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,6,4,12,7,0,5,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045714768222196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231062799234636,0.44958631732416204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829897922156056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090962981252488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436307209658685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026028620374875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690665412663712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949955188739318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622556800584905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965624460746952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401846523437475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540938703680132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658943546124804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759839333930115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sally_slater,2019/08/09,"DAE Take Effexor and Wellbutrin? I was just prescribed Wellbutrin in addition to my current 150mg of daily Effexor. Has anyone else tried this and how were the results? 

I'm currently in a massive slump where everything is awful, I cannot concentrate on anything and have zero motivation to do much. So any input would be appreciated!",5.843500000000002,8.290916350000002,6.9866666666666655,66.345,68.83333333333334,10.133333333333336,37.0,10.355215969177356,4.7738999999999985,271,15,40,8,5,91,52,60,0.05,0.845,0.105,0.5191,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,3,0,9,11,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,6,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,30,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718994864433793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279571847017689,0.4096751574944597,0.3290276870074611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340083498662186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35934324092709624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29392254214459884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30062392156366485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27145969793283586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284029197376193,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_-_-AA_-_,2019/08/09,"My gf has BPD and I'm not sure how to handle it Hi!
While I did know about her mental issues, I didn't know she has a personality disorder. She is very dear to me, this isn't a deal breaker at all, I'm just not sure how to handle it.
I wouldn't say I'm completely uneducated on the topic of BPD. Even before we met, I've been researching about it a lot. But that's just all medical information, not real life. I myself have and still am struggling with mental health issues.

She has therapy once a week.  We have talked about it a bit and I told her about my insecurity about how much support I have to give or how much she needs. She said I should just remind her of her box that's filled with ways to cope when she has a meltdown. But, I can't ignore the fact she's feeling bad, can I? I want to support her.

For example two days ago, it's been a month since we started dating officially and I must confess, I find it difficult to know someone's intentions. So she was trying to be all cute but I simply did not understand and just said I'm happy that she's been feeling happier since we started dating. Then she started acting cold. I asked if I said something wrong and apologized. Then she asked me how I am, I responded and asked her how she was. She said she feels like shit and thought 'someone' might cheer her up but she was wrong. That made me feel very guilty and I did not like she put herself in the situation of a victim. 

For examples in situations like these, how do I handle them best? I have difficulties understanding (I've become good at guessing though) and especially expressing emotions and affection. 

Also, I know it shouldn't be about me, but I can't help but worry about it a bit. You see, I have finally found some stability in myself, I have even been clean from self harming for quite a while. I don't know yet how well she is handling her disorder. I can't handle someone who is unstable. I hate how this sounds but I simply can't. I'd relapse.
It is difficult for me to listen to her talking about food issues and suicidal thoughts. She usually doesn't do that around me. She said she doesn't want to burden me with it. On one hand I appreciate it, on the other I want to listen to her, too. I can't ignore that part of her life.

So what do I do? What shouldn't I do? How can I best support her?",2.209766397124888,4.0163515744234815,4.028384246780476,86.40938679245285,77.28092243186583,7.310152740341421,23.51647199760407,8.192908349453996,1.2729289607666965,1819,58,389,33,42,614,198,477,0.125,0.698,0.177,0.9758,0,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,4,1,1,3,34,30,3,2,14,0,51,7,2,13,7,90,96,40,1,10,18,0,5,3,1,6,4,9,1,2,24,20,1,2,17,0,0,3,18,14,1,2,22,16,84,16,43,66,12,32,1,0,1,0,67,10,1,6,21,283,108,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648225989312146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058479568415998974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509845916988005,0.20509138554455644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061057920462390426,0.0,0.08076293358505282,0.062225619582063775,0.0,0.15348437383049104,0.0,0.15967130543621075,0.0,0.18420158189498095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667218027350442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716081127055529,0.07539063954676835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676195626274396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225793804208195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659927686632692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790066407060715,0.05224188350085356,0.0,0.08010696221439735,0.06683667654487922,0.0,0.08842535726394365,0.08017988907873756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015000135692888,0.0,0.061335387774008175,0.0,0.0,0.08055754252807458,0.0,0.0,0.07784496201900355,0.0,0.07219769017464249,0.0,0.07773049228655296,0.0,0.0,0.04901543043845751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289765044382325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094320337846192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330340697703876,0.10717835232630643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216988905775672,0.0,0.06919445618519053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366767466785773,0.14738946366691755,0.07757610187230532,0.0,0.0,0.05836920679034301,0.0,0.10751339490534212,0.054222681728970566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787777908323161,0.049552690914969735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918932401213122,0.0,0.0,0.063851602535567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351274850904317,0.0,0.07777947668341426,0.0,0.08323444008507427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478022157154544,0.05815345881289915,0.0,0.0,0.05827268438870292,0.0,0.07628732192034983,0.0,0.07506372855423513,0.12098268140507522,0.16439543527489728,0.0,0.0,0.18588059621523115,0.056296672701361725,0.0,0.0,0.15527882287518582,0.0,0.058399249690162115,0.0,0.0,0.0764481303037817,0.0,0.07998897727684431,0.2489506735227094,0.1378425060782231,0.0,0.0,0.11755329038768578,0.0,0.0,0.08362700167840696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184682382052647,0.11610920611647672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987590215556236,0.0,0.04964837588125458,0.0,0.0714343713108957,0.15225539731895588,0.0,0.0,0.08053896683375679,0.12067472856907267,0.12939644937480926,0.05804474225303871,0.0586580011787884,0.0,0.06574987979816206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426393300371381,0.0,0.0,0.1599056062838544,0.0,0.0
bpd,roberta93562,2019/08/09,"I don't have social skills A few years ago I used to be very communicative but it changed through the years. Now I barely know what to answer and what to do for continue a conversation, which always ends up in a awkward silence. I can't get close to new people and it makes me very sad and angry with myself.

Sometimes I observe and try to repeat others people behavior during a conversation but it barely works, I always get lost and end up saying something stupid like ""we all gonna die someday, so don't worry"".

I really don't know what I can do to improve my social skills and I'm afraid that it gets worse.",3.975284552845528,5.2190514065040725,5.185528455284555,82.22674796747971,71.52032520325204,7.417886178861789,25.04878048780488,7.793537801064563,1.3312048780487808,485,14,94,6,9,161,78,123,0.21600000000000005,0.73,0.054000000000000006,-0.9729,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,4,2,6,1,2,5,0,9,0,0,2,1,17,19,9,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,12,1,12,16,2,13,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,10,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610753110196302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29306895155049056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862970212126151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277044424225344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31195566508781003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27602468141723746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356673683767436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603659960723582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224073332000027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755226385013348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008447672415422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441797468162148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128181487233862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004672799303447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590362106625314,0.0,0.1355751655991215,0.17417354647435504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956455788311104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209922403152645,0.0,0.2906121361056092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820741959052254,0.17884440646129032,0.17946727497815354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268132530344174
bpd,brokencandlehell,2019/08/09,"Please could i get some advice, im at breaking point Hey, if possible, id like to hear the opinions of others with BPD. 

My relationship has been rocky to say the least. Ive been seeing a therapist and most recently a psychiatrist. I havent told my girlfriend for a few valid reasons.

Yesterday my psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD stemming from prolonged exposure to her behaviour. 

Im terrified of breaking up with her incase she threatens suicide. Im stuck. Im so stuck in this abusive situation because of trauma bonds (psychiatrists words)

Will it ever get better? Shes in therapy and medicated. 

I have been toying with suggesting couples therapy but far as shes concerned, her actions and behaviours arent abusive. Theres no accountability, everything is always my fault. Ive tried to bring it up but just get snapped at, told i need help (i did and it lead to yesterdays diagnosis). Im at a loss. Im broken. Everything i was an had has been shattered. Im a shell of rhe man i once was but put on a mask to avoid conflict. 

How can i go about this? Is there any way this can get better? I understand that i needto put myself first, as does everyone.",2.583860239162928,5.1934948654708535,4.543167040358746,79.03983277279525,80.16591928251121,8.200971599402093,28.574177877428998,8.959647251330699,2.88529312406577,917,43,168,25,24,312,135,223,0.18100000000000002,0.754,0.066,-0.9785,1,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,5,7,7,0,1,9,0,23,2,0,3,1,26,37,12,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,8,8,0,2,2,1,1,6,3,4,0,1,12,3,24,3,27,23,4,24,0,1,1,0,16,10,0,4,6,107,32,1,0.0,0.2192910742213594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042965151125892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700123352895857,0.0,0.0,0.06293081490628309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056411920907307726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636893682128601,0.0,0.0,0.11655170830657773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738861783979943,0.10239446834505676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392681111622804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098294585915271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370831538152129,0.0,0.0884265561881798,0.16633913714519724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871502905544292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933946792258851,0.0,0.052592983620859145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430003745737096,0.0,0.06202804658041984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6997184694076146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045210686859490916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093224968441446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861771890839094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855277134859644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158184354149488,0.08748082540896313,0.104325677644442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817506690034924,0.1860578249740701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951472001464159,0.09137272703758156,0.0993540250215181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359203866602931,0.0,0.0,0.07374291624689272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401956716102873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122445042439948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116565950390668,0.10744682645537317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768531123763596,0.0,0.06282902637509849,0.0,0.0,0.09633807958575714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345446003459093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway040219992,2019/08/09,"Best friend having tough times Hi lovely ppl of the sub!

I would like you to ask either ppl with BPD and ppl without BPD on the following things:

My best friend's mental health is not the best, and it isnt for quite a time (couple of years). She used to self harm and tried suicide multiple times about 1.5 y ago, but she didnt done either lately thanks for God. She is accepted to go to be seen by professional in about a year time. She asked me not to ask for help to her atm for multiple reasons which I can understand too, and I am not either sure it would help her situation at the moment. So now I try to respect her decision to wait with it, even tho I would be waaay more comfortable if she ask for help rn.  She shows (showed - as I said she ended self harm totally, even tho she sometimes feel like doing it, not doing it bc of me) every nine criteria of BPD. 

Some of the time she is fine, she even feel really happy around me, which she hasnt for the last years. But as a little trigger reach her (I dont think I am any trigger for her anymore as I used to be, I am really really understanding and gentle with her always, when I even feel like I am disappointed or hurt, I try to comfort her and not show her at all.. I can do that bc she deserves it, most of the time she is really loving and really kind with me.) but outside things still frequently trigger her, like stress and worry about school or anything else literally. If the trigger happens she change mood and attitude really suddenly, she feeling totally worthless (even tho in her good time she has no good self image), see her life and interests totally pointless. This is the times where I can be really easily fall to the dark side of her seeing, and start to be mean with me and treat me like a stranger. I am used to it tho, so I wont say its a big deal on my side. But she struggling these times. I can feel it. And I see she has no problem with me, she doing this bc she dont wanna be a weight for me with her problems as she say it sometimes. Im always try to comfort her that its not her fault, she is not a weight for me, I love her, and etc. But these time she really thinks she is a 'fuckup' who is a weight for me. She is not. I mean oc not easy for me to treat her always the way she need it, but its the hardest for her for sure. And I love her, and wanna care her, but I cant convince her about not being a weight for me even when she feels fine. Lately no matter how much she trust me (she talk me about everything everytime we are really close), refuse to talk bc she fears it will overwhelm me, and she ruin my life too. How could I convince her to accept my caring? I really wanna help her everytime she needs it. She deserves it. She is a full heart person.",2.787397641663937,3.946644035211268,4.186980019652804,88.57122011136588,74.3169014084507,7.678087127415657,22.364231903046182,8.20894155585173,0.9676974615132652,2124,52,471,34,43,704,218,568,0.115,0.67,0.215,0.9971,1,0,0,0,0,1,67.0,1,1,0,4,27,52,0,4,23,0,47,12,1,10,6,99,85,42,1,13,25,0,10,5,2,5,3,3,0,4,27,27,4,2,16,3,1,3,21,14,0,1,4,17,103,37,66,68,16,44,0,5,4,4,86,14,0,6,31,345,130,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901497712812716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802762610948952,0.0,0.0,0.03760195602313842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483699409898316,0.0,0.0,0.04550241995335978,0.049223566162070326,0.20677047279574906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740835726320394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208923349396896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275225583761513,0.0,0.0584939379241757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044147923953893616,0.06118198694005868,0.0,0.0,0.057005898158771814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658517021145468,0.12960879463790895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619121369927985,0.0,0.04897425409694547,0.0,0.06166765576464546,0.2191278084000104,0.0,0.04658775315651672,0.0,0.049694866729240623,0.0,0.0,0.0622213541631305,0.16775047096649467,0.0790043832596652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544033238491815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031424971378206934,0.09275631271982664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048896483525042465,0.058861710203107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058775155029287415,0.0,0.06552390003456685,0.14825016222602644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059193590867941126,0.0,0.05972723073386226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758040637785275,0.0,0.0450721576984251,0.12474854504434554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811186551792104,0.1350697795347258,0.055419320461764905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996207180455133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046320020812165,0.0,0.0,0.05572355405116376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04064760345265215,0.08199990585355607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828076765629368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581817449749488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058812194104106666,0.0,0.0,0.3542288408688368,0.056851652738936234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259745190560666,0.08794434350465892,0.0,0.055960688226871086,0.13218696903240604,0.0,0.17305174741882065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062153003989534876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937476669449364,0.0,0.039137523421350906,0.0,0.04415802413137602,0.0,0.06333932585694793,0.057805509499921776,0.0,0.06048288646814589,0.0,0.1042282690621093,0.0,0.0,0.08888677613501153,0.0,0.050907475635684166,0.0,0.0,0.07347002664557616,0.07086058871360541,0.0,0.0,0.3224249603192922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501645443651919,0.0,0.0,0.11512643646302355,0.0,0.14326932085502853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043889966783956284,0.0,0.2693337849882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330164115620319,0.0,0.0,0.05615394997482857,0.0,0.11783825187089055,0.0,0.0,0.10682296681679722
bpd,alanawatson1,2019/08/09,"(MOD APPROVED) Seeking mothers for honours psychology study! Factors Predicting Mindful Parenting in Mothers Who Have Difficulty in Managing their Emotions and their Sense of Self. **Factors Predicting Mindful Parenting in Mothers Who Have Difficulty in Managing their Emotions and their Sense of Self.**

Hello, my name is Alana Watson.  I am a 4th year Psychology Honours student at the Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne Australia. I am currently seeking participants for my research project investigating how reflective function and self-compassion can influence the mindful parenting abilities of mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms. We hope to explore these factors across the full spectrum of experience, so we encourage participation whether or not you have ever had experience with Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms (emotional instability, difficulties in relationships, impulsivity, self-criticalness etc). You must 18 years or over and a mother. If you would like to participate within this study, please access the survey at the link below. The survey should take approximately 45 minutes to complete. All responses are completely anonymous and confidential.

We hope that studies like this will allow mothers voices to be heard, giving them better support and understanding. This study is also approved by the Swinburne Human Research Ethics Committee (SUHREC). The study does not require any identifying information and is 100% confidential. For more information please follow the survey link attached. 

[https://swinuw.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_4TQrkSiL1Vopxgp](https://swinuw.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_4TQrkSiL1Vopxgp)

I would also greatly appreciate it if you could forward this advert and survey link to your friends, family members, and colleagues, as I am hoping to reach as many people as possible to participate within this study. Thank you for your assistance and consideration.

If you have any questions regarding the project, please contact me via email at [alanawatson@swin.edu.au](mailto:alanawatson@swin.edu.au) or you may contact the Principal Investigator, Dr. Roslyn Galligan of the Faculty of Health, Arts, and Design at [rgalligan@swin.edu.au](mailto:rgalligan@swin.edu.au).",12.757872444011682,16.857834310126584,10.285443037974684,42.96846640701071,54.0,12.709639727361248,47.280428432327156,11.95083700844419,7.605509152872447,1886,111,184,62,26,566,182,316,0.036000000000000004,0.8029999999999999,0.161,0.9897,4,0,4,0,0,0,91.0,3,9,5,6,5,13,0,0,14,0,21,4,0,3,3,54,31,25,0,11,9,9,0,2,1,6,4,2,0,5,10,16,0,1,10,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,24,13,39,21,4,23,0,0,0,0,46,17,0,11,7,137,34,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480825503666841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259237935618144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188510764478459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941500647937152,0.0,0.0,0.07392267118673128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122239698201043,0.0,0.08102294378026073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124415650571991,0.0,0.0,0.10325826067625027,0.0,0.08374965937758362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113444355921066,0.08728217615642657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153198872467363,0.0,0.0,0.08881726892428986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207678399102699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984149665501084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758774261114145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046603333137457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938680326520302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804574774880001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084185733642244,0.0,0.0,0.06418772131617485,0.16168566910763638,0.0,0.3048960461134265,0.0,0.1043772046688012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371790773971927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940309651937998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38635104521458935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506589922284966,0.0,0.19246534845900032,0.0696134169540058,0.0,0.0,0.08524107693701231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638566149162743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315413812794219,0.0,0.0,0.11924515498450396
bpd,minkmilk,2019/08/09,"DAE get despairingly upset over ""ruining"" interactions? I was raised by a BPD mother (I'm also a pwBPD). I've realised my disproportionate reaction towards miscommunication and my suddenly saying something that, I think, ""ruins"" a positive mood of a conversation happens because my mum was so easy to annoy/anger/upset even when she was in a good mood and would hold me in reproach for a disproportionately long period of time. I assume that when I have a miscommunication or irritate other people slightly it permanently affects and ruins the way they view me so I get really panicked and upset, it's almost as if I have a panic attack, sometimes I've behaved very violently towards myself over ruining interactions in this way when at the end of the day for most people it just boils down to having made a thoughtless comment and moving on. It keeps happening when I message my boyfriend online because miscommunications are so easy via instant messenger (typos, misreading text, misreading tone).

I was wondering if anyone else gets like this and if so do you have any techniques to ground yourself and realise that the world isn't ending and your relationship with whoever you're talking to hasn't been irreparably damaged?

tl;dr - my emotional reactions and panic re: slightly negative interactions are disproportionate  and affecting me too much",10.629468390804597,10.623455883620693,10.76896551724138,52.28925287356324,56.97413793103448,13.422988505747124,43.04022988505747,12.602617957971056,6.056369540229883,1103,55,151,33,12,370,146,232,0.163,0.754,0.083,-0.9624,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,0,12,16,2,4,13,0,15,1,0,3,0,27,25,24,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,10,11,1,2,3,0,0,1,3,12,0,0,6,2,21,2,22,18,2,26,0,6,1,0,15,12,0,8,12,110,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543245127595757,0.0,0.0,0.12324619068725085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480389374002183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077612118022335,0.15790964608135444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532874534082415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878948802186801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941032047776807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939181317942383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128743809212559,0.17335930808102415,0.2730013576535589,0.0,0.0,0.1017919011664656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415571223929713,0.0,0.0,0.12926485441373026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725678345278573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369850276285553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529309812039972,0.0,0.0,0.13638745742428926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582790831895948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638004942591893,0.11329269973128225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36164290415216976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368870596905146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873040055475844,0.0,0.0,0.1654624796533349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255891190908548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864571929555427,0.15242427042140674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387228253783444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875105440427363,0.0,0.0,0.08986604648875254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716151137229714,0.0,0.2446595816583757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713179548939402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947930137807378,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theheartoftheheart,2019/08/09,"entering relationship with someone previously the target of abuse by someone with BPD i have BPD as well and im worrying that ill trigger him too much with symptoms that will remind him of his abuse. he was verbally/physically assaulted almost every day by his ex and went through a lot of trauma. how can i help him while maintaining myself ?

​

 i differ from her in that i am a ""quiet"" borderline and tend to take things out on myself rather than others, so i will absolutely not be repeating that kind of abuse. the only thing we have in common are feeling ignored/needing affirmation/insecurity over others intentions. ive already triggered him a couple of times, once when i made a careless comment with the worry that he was mostly attracted to me for sex ( which was extremely dumb but i was in a state where i couldnt access perspective and we hadnt really talked in a while, i had only been hearing comments on how attractive i was ) which made him burst out in tears because apparently it was something his ex said almost every day to him. the other time was when he had not answered his phone after i thought we were going to talk, and after a few hours i messaged him asking if he was ignored me, as i saw that he was online even though it was 3 am and he was actually sleeping (the online notification was just glitching). that angered him and he saw it as a manipulation tactic to make him feel guilty, and said his ex would do stuff like that all the time . honestly it makes sense. however, i really cannot control it sometimes and im just extremely worried that i will be given no mercy for the way i act if it mirrors BPD in any way if its too similar to his ex. i would love for him to maybe seek some therapy to talk through his past as i dont think he knows how much hes really been affected, but he says he ended up fine (which i dont believe).",6.816008174386924,6.394599231607633,7.642794277929152,72.95089441416894,64.858310626703,10.718746594005447,34.15381471389646,10.241411754978122,3.4003407084468664,1486,58,278,31,20,500,189,367,0.12300000000000001,0.799,0.077,-0.9217,2,0,1,0,3,0,34.0,3,0,0,1,15,14,3,0,15,0,38,5,1,13,1,57,59,27,0,7,10,4,2,1,0,5,2,5,0,0,25,18,0,2,6,0,0,4,8,6,1,0,27,9,46,8,44,24,7,36,0,0,2,2,51,13,1,8,17,207,71,0,0.0,0.3151184310616529,0.08651267856812196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775466322956008,0.0,0.09783094708784087,0.0,0.0,0.09605564270183012,0.10772327153027557,0.060287176846609836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287872080659664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404213273037207,0.0,0.0,0.09988173296018332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349665880340409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943203747988187,0.0,0.09809301580515054,0.0,0.11434788545389565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262366490058274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20780164516982447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852037047903895,0.0,0.0,0.058554564417217674,0.0,0.14938819202409714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965138500628338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038362381233085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991853454725813,0.0,0.05942233259194881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730548740322105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152121339617956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231860544874752,0.048721448557873095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331144731104854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536973136312695,0.08001292222438916,0.16777149367760666,0.1183533218486552,0.0,0.0890639972869648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034052038319352,0.06573518173571448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441270328160224,0.0,0.13484941924784896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462945568918663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038041925655206,0.0,0.0,0.09518029737601147,0.0,0.0,0.1686588794882434,0.07050053707660628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887171665933181,0.0,0.1502310396527014,0.06824952018488642,0.0876802246432349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148663791702367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214455958790883,0.06665613003062493,0.21376811310875515,0.0,0.0,0.10138259447993823,0.0,0.11779441703993833,0.056805353963544386,0.08710126224636347,0.07038069237709974,0.1550830807091717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073747587322233,0.0,0.0,0.0797098217907641,0.08218235114012389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700947081597285,0.0,0.125953297490946,0.0,0.10772327153027557,0.0
bpd,marikamisan,2019/08/09,"so i broke it off with my friends i did it 
it  was hard and i cant stop crying
i feel like ill vomit
i hate it but it just doesnt feel like we fit well
we kept having arguements
it just didnt work out
but i miss them 
i miss them so much 
i dont want to leave them 
but if i stay i just keep feeling shitty whenever we argue, to the point of feeling suicidal
i feel like such a shitty friend
just running from issues
i wish i wasnt like this and could properly resolve arguement without resorting to thoughts 'oh i should just die' or 'leave them before they leave you'
well here brain i did it, i left, are you happy?
didnt think so",-0.14088235294117624,1.9895652058823536,1.7808823529411768,97.43397058823533,88.11764705882355,5.1647058823529415,18.058823529411768,6.6274283507984215,-0.14946176470588268,492,13,116,6,16,162,78,136,0.223,0.48700000000000004,0.29,0.7401,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,3,2,5,2,12,15,2,0,2,0,13,3,1,0,0,33,27,10,2,5,11,0,6,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,8,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,8,6,27,10,9,17,1,8,0,3,0,0,13,5,0,2,5,79,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870414071144547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572802439634173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137931937573063,0.0,0.15323409033904914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477887257277294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349284449881799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526767060953084,0.2989762704702951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555455423468656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850023812128438,0.12496451031627702,0.13772727103552074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456016529579911,0.0,0.12399392123850556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44313075744790004,0.15156705011438545,0.0,0.0,0.2726104199784181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254847796555812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187249636857565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868833292961656,0.0,0.11662816324847852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259024944722346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938590351074574,0.0,0.1107473387433916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228065565980157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508543277107472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041800109783153,0.1344729260607453,0.0,0.10155758903325544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peneal_bland,2019/08/09,"Any luck with wellbutrin? Hello!
I was talking to my therapist today and wellbutrin got mentioned as an option and I was wondering if anyone has had any luck with it. I took Prozac for almost three years and towards the end it was really messing with my head so I'm hoping that a medicine that isn't an SSRI will help. 
Thanks and hope you all are doing alright :)",2.7467806841046283,5.132803436619722,3.655855130784712,86.91746478873242,78.01408450704227,5.74728370221328,24.227364185110666,6.868970318607317,1.0242659959758549,288,10,53,3,7,92,54,71,0.0,0.7170000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.9677,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,4,1,9,2,1,0,1,16,16,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,0,6,6,7,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,8,3,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151942330983836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32803830738347883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864738636947266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136249429344116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290365543223054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24753306315336696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166623172484118,0.0,0.0,0.47911709850913203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451407542937484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386137501836875,0.0,0.22205762554505676,0.0,0.2800430531261715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22862226419415055,0.0,0.2679737141009462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615629503151088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532004595142396
bpd,untily0uwereg0ne,2019/08/09,Anyone else here going through a break up? How are you coping? It’s been almost 2 years and I still feel like I’m losing my mind. I hate this. I feel like the pain won’t ever end,-1.8471666666666664,0.046589950000001316,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,99.5,2.666666666666667,9.166666666666668,3.1291,-2.215583333333333,138,1,34,0,6,46,35,40,0.237,0.643,0.11900000000000001,-0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,7,8,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,2,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26193755132154906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829048894578053,0.2680226574830765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851899954146412,0.0,0.2316848628015337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661676545094354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645284110152414,0.3737498412942026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866362574690226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25825901973978177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555924447828447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926444246606023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26412422316272544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783427150259975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890049171984754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845085148896674
bpd,Bpddaughter,2019/08/09,"Is there anything I can do to help my mom? Hey all, I have been estranged from my mother for ten years. We have met once in those ten years and during that time she told me she was diagnosed with BPD and apologized. I was startled. Then she promptly returned to old habits: a lot of yelling, chaotic emotions, a lot of verbal abuse and expressed dissatisfaction with me.

I was too overwhelmed at the time to take it in. I just took responsibility for my own life and felt I had to block her out to find my grounding. Now I’m at a place where I am happy and I very much want to share that with her.

When I reach out to her she says it’s too late and continues on these long email rants of why my life is so awful and a failure. I try not to take it seriously and personally but it’s challenging. 

I do know she has major trust issues and has basically blocked everyone out. However I will say growing up she wasn’t always bad. She trusted me at the time and we have some lovely memories which I cherish.

If I show her my sentimental and loving side at all she thinks I’m weak and really is repulsed. If I ignore her, when I come back she’s as angry as always. If I try to reason with her, there’s no use. I should say we mainly talk by email because she is so intense.

I don’t know much about BPD but everything I read matches to a T. I just can’t believe she wants to just be alone and that’s it. I feel heartbroken about it. I would love that she was in my life. However it feels so hard to bridge this gap between us. I could come to where she lives but I feel I’d just endure an onslaught of yelling and intense judgement from the sounds of her email. If you have any advice, thank you and I wish you all the best.",1.671275783040489,3.5507364789915954,3.1725082760376893,91.58563789152029,79.16806722689077,6.232034632034633,22.582887700534762,7.229369725052465,0.6332117647058828,1341,42,300,17,33,440,182,357,0.14,0.7,0.16,0.8373,2,1,0,0,3,0,31.0,4,3,0,2,19,17,0,2,10,1,28,8,0,2,3,64,52,30,0,10,12,2,5,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,15,27,0,3,9,2,0,4,5,6,0,2,11,11,63,11,44,36,12,36,0,1,0,3,47,17,0,7,15,215,78,2,0.0,0.12688865592921714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465083430462313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091689214405284,0.0,0.0,0.1782212625310702,0.0,0.0,0.07282746503332903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812908286063617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234853145298014,0.08941886028560098,0.06528339420771896,0.0,0.0,0.12065805358797638,0.11238834925622293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697618161758329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845036737984591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550569513106686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869796557451283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046612484447825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233272743095216,0.09624901339793783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244954851709334,0.0,0.10282685473605943,0.0,0.0978818046317472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400335501112932,0.0959350208027481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178272520622027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177811660355837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177119174198376,0.0,0.1208064853938078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22693058113229345,0.0,0.0,0.09456579865592572,0.09477465418595438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209465967813668,0.2899690415262258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542697908382452,0.0,0.0,0.15745254940009226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237694130104713,0.11405141535217878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351018644102806,0.1118902405061832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071227937978446,0.0,0.06860703870377728,0.11011027589586207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25549589484879903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104243830868153,0.08607794999965537,0.0,0.09859759421854136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862139091388794,0.0,0.0,0.18734179021758693,0.0,0.0,0.10233272743095216,0.118985166392313,0.14541933798965476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882067055413868,0.09249466923562742,0.0,0.08836361124161908,0.12633341086054978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663550857681104,0.0,0.1231525993540518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760763718642282,0.0,0.0,0.13792980832911195
bpd,oreocannoli,2019/08/09,"Would anyone want to be chatting buddies? Haha, I don't really know what else to call it. I could really use some friends who understand the disorder. Someone to talk to everyday, vent to each other about our problems, talk about random things, etc. Anyone interested? 24/F here. We could exchange kiks or whatsapp or whatever.",3.8266502463054164,6.986270137931037,4.731083743842365,75.90086206896555,80.3793103448276,8.141871921182268,28.975369458128082,8.841846274778883,3.2739921182266007,260,12,40,7,7,84,47,58,0.084,0.7490000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.6512,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,14,9,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,7,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235173251105983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362245247109221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36941314355415816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651362652695225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325530997848814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25800581920256105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787331030876316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127138693455433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213616235222452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29640530725649616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601406221746387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37188547559701696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369235441566198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408336281249004,0.0,0.19980392225313096,0.0,0.0,0.13645062580445108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433765983354215,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,-peptodismal,2019/08/09,"Advice for leaving FP (boyfriend) for college We’re not breaking up. As much as I’ve been struggling, our relationship is good. We’re happy together. I have moments of crisis and they’re bad and I really irrationally afraid of him leaving me, but when I’m thinking clearly, our relationship is fine. 

Regardless of knowing that, I can’t help but to worry. I’m going to college, I’ll be about four/five hours of a drive away from him and I’m just so worried. Long distance relationships in general are hard, I know that, I’m not naive. But it just feels like I’ll take it harder. I leave so soon and I’m just getting increasingly worried. I don’t know. I suppose I’m looking for tips on having BPD and being in a long distance relationship. 

I love him so so so deeply and I really cherish us, I just hope we’re okay.",1.1653658536585354,3.68016212195122,3.2933658536585355,86.05590243902441,86.3170731707317,5.9629268292682935,25.27317073170732,7.365786028017652,1.4760400000000002,644,28,127,11,20,218,95,164,0.132,0.6659999999999999,0.203,0.9361,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,0,0,12,11,0,2,2,1,10,1,0,0,1,24,27,17,0,2,9,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,3,17,8,18,24,2,15,0,0,1,1,12,5,0,1,7,74,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445457838678295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119658778210435,0.0,0.1063401608846944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040528162102274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643969705040531,0.09098590738644907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654026876988453,0.0,0.0723815418200751,0.10682340561910766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355769361693665,0.11408941596947993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853666276084316,0.0,0.0,0.12649707515566666,0.12542380459048486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998094020362512,0.0,0.0,0.4045670981896291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222159300231584,0.0,0.0,0.2254189315707163,0.10695020359549698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494724352704545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362414920875084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317997143510782,0.0,0.0,0.5469472938770933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314417546935164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575876243731507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160705388781847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319822673033134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880203513519357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PixiAlice,2019/02/20,"Bpd anthems??? I was wondering if you guys ever heard a song and thought that outlines perfectly how you feel about having bpd?
So I’ve been listening to the new Ariana Grande album and her song needy got me thinking about that...
Here are some lyrics that got me thinking: 

“If you take too long to hit me back
I can't promise you how I’ll react”

“And I’ma scream and shout for what I love
Passionate but I don't give no fucks
I admit that I'm a lil' messed up”

“I'm obsessive and I love too hard
Good at overthinking with my heart”

“And I can be needy, way too damn needy
I can be needy, tell me how good it feels to be needed”

“Sorry if I'm up and down a lot
Sorry that I think I'm not enough
And sorry if I say sorry way too much
You can go ahead and call me selfish 
But after all this damage I can’t help it”

(So basically the whole lyrics)
(Also I don’t mean to romanticize having borderline, but I feel that listening to someone who goes trough the same as I do helps me cope with it...)


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bpd,blck_fog,2019/02/20,Why do you unfriend/unfollow your ex's on social media months after your breakup? Why not right away? Why not just keep them on there? Why?,1.1338888888888905,3.7708437777777815,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,92.70370370370372,4.181481481481482,17.86111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.2530666666666668,110,3,22,1,4,33,21,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271636489447233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490837080393302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929893608289212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648187124017187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24646792919443564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8726883590899593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emschuls82,2019/02/20,"BPD and OCD? Semi-new here and first time poster...Has anyone else struggled with OCD type issues as well? I noticed that one of my biggest triggers to depression, anxiety, and anger stem from things not being totally perfect all the time. ",3.6816279069767432,6.739551581395353,3.6802790697674443,83.99437209302326,79.69767441860466,6.2306976744186064,27.20465116279069,7.554174236665415,1.9685013953488373,190,8,31,3,5,58,39,43,0.295,0.664,0.040999999999999995,-0.9182,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,9,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,21,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934314252999775,0.0,0.0,0.19134394308351,0.2803889621024255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446552980071225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356961922044745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286012535524548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327683754354024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28562174317186123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642949476630653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115547817651591,0.0,0.0,0.18543377617778287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860806390572603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180232607714328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191375337545626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460461433896674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,confusedthinker123,2019/02/20,"REaction to SRRIs? So I started Lexapro Thursday. for the next couple of days my mood skyrocketed, I couldn't feel sad or mad or anxious or anything other than like a baseline of happiness. the effect was quite immediate. I did feel exhausted all the time, had light headaches, and craved water. Three days later, I went to the gym. I started shaking like crazy, was dizzy, had ringing ears, burning headaches and felt like I was physically going to die. Mood was still stable, but it continued for two days. the doctor told me to get off of it though.

First Day off of it, I feel like everyone is staring at me again. I am afraid people are angry at me or are ignoring me. The physical symptoms are going away. Then I called my parents. I went on a blind rage, ended up blocking them. I just wanted to break things. I was so angry I couldn't deal with anything. I am kind of upset at the world again.

I literally don't know what happened with that SSRI, has anyone had a similar experience? The doctor thinks I have bpd but tried this just in case it was anxiety or bipolar, but my reaction was so wack that she was like yikes that kind of falls with bpd.
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bpd,111258,2019/02/20,"Told my therapist i think i might have BPD And he shot it down immediately. I’ve read stories of this happening to other people in this sub and on other blogs, but i didn’t expect it to happen to me for some reason. 

“You dont SEEM like you have BPD.” “You’re too self aware to have BPD.” “You arent characteristic of someone with BPD.”

I guess i’m not even that mad or upset. I’m more confused. I told him how I fit into EVERY criteria of BPD (including self harm) and gave specific examples for each, and maybe thats an elementary way of looking at personality disorders, but what’s the point of the criteria if fitting into ALL of them isn’t worth a diagnosis or even entertaining the idea that one may be diagnosable?

Don’t know where to go from here. This is my first experience with therapy, and this was only my 3rd meeting with him (to be more specific, his official title is Social Worker), and i think its going okay, but I get the feeling that he isn’t taking my mental health as seriously as i would expect. Although maybe i’m just struggling to convey the mental anguish i’m constantly in, the chronic emptiness, the dissociation that has plagued me since I was a child, etc.

Advice?",4.453378582202113,5.7701172991453005,6.167124183006536,75.36382352941179,70.45299145299145,9.266566113624938,28.721970839617896,9.627879704456738,2.6842366013071888,944,35,179,22,17,325,141,234,0.105,0.8240000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.8681,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,1,2,7,10,1,4,10,1,19,3,0,2,1,37,39,16,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,4,15,12,0,0,7,3,1,2,7,7,0,2,6,2,23,3,28,28,6,16,0,0,1,0,18,11,0,9,3,124,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010524949244775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6512156530108506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175106509933312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496046866235298,0.0,0.0,0.11851850761635126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119747660525845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153311283808623,0.13660460571016428,0.0,0.08712862640305756,0.0,0.0,0.10115626404855882,0.0,0.0,0.0522879480961196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796174640919513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540282266775669,0.0,0.11754224685358425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391939661469078,0.0,0.1828928487348935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099215604393715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673896613159945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568322413130211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052162236666397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683959277430295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778144886651154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842888501032147,0.10970323125153593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700742906562761,0.07864908538701566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169249490654507,0.09029490976835422,0.0,0.0,0.09775726786393407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343945796975196,0.0,0.0,0.10632421776696598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941419214803667,0.2157614398301244,0.0,0.0,0.08554303938511015,0.0,0.0,0.10541497417295008,0.0876202057919795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081081249901954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775255824737655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826003218233418,0.12006869100541614,0.0,0.13252379310902274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976281887867836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208321414244936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346054365228283,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GroovyEggs,2019/02/20,"What do you do when you realize you are acting borderline? Hello friends!! :) \*this is my first post in this sub look forward to hearing from like minded individuals \*

I am struggling myself with realizing when i am becoming irrational, ignorant, and all around hell to be with; and acting accordingly.

I sometimes notice it is happening; but catch myself not caring and letting it manifest further into a horrible situation.

I am looking for some ways to recognize it at the beginning better; and how to fight the voice telling me to keep going and that I'm right....when CLEARLY i am not.

I have been working on my BPD for about 3 or 4 months now and i am able to recognize it coming; but the voice telling me i am right and to keep going is 10x louder than the rational voice telling me ive already made a mistake and to stop before it gets worse.",3.595797101449275,5.984603900621117,5.013391304347827,78.23631884057974,75.21118012422359,8.268488612836439,29.9879917184265,9.029198982220553,2.9229673706004147,672,31,119,16,15,224,101,161,0.17,0.7490000000000001,0.081,-0.9421,0,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,3,0,3,6,9,2,1,6,0,17,0,0,2,2,31,31,14,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,9,13,0,4,2,0,0,7,2,5,0,1,2,6,19,4,20,27,2,23,1,0,2,0,10,8,1,2,9,90,28,1,0.15412509129761304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700808708100977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720400767177626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021905434477216,0.1311491008449047,0.0,0.0,0.13631111841004576,0.0,0.0,0.19411515708474533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571408024767903,0.0,0.0,0.13276511898465285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109872392291028,0.0,0.0,0.1190766632127164,0.0,0.08052399892444985,0.0,0.1751856823971125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629230922854854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737101793628517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739869255309976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576033481462257,0.0,0.07529773444894262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588525185876984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583688797460614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556224060858863,0.0,0.1230211774346129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547243797655945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476092333528248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632439716859398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324306020670108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243365626171926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288554775895522,0.0,0.16112500956929088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041363693974993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223373235395561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220490208564028,0.0,0.15706663530718928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,good_life_bad_life,2019/02/20,The empty feeling inside your chest? I don't mean figuratively. I mean it actually feels empty and I need to fill it. It feels like shit and makes me do anything for distraction. Does anyone's else have this? It's constant but you notice it more it depressive times? I'm going crazy ,1.3613181818181843,4.056433927272728,3.1821590909090887,84.49323863636364,91.54545454545452,5.65909090909091,19.602272727272727,7.1686216300943375,0.8354090909090908,226,7,42,4,8,75,41,55,0.25,0.6970000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.8849,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,11,12,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,1,2,12,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,23,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2278320270487285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632469255359328,0.2392165400158769,0.19212506156518935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522970048255337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010864734877655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431026056627533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950333583321801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35414676400796113,0.16679027195961516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268579049006216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406114107911156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584234398370353,0.0,0.0,0.5086322832949945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311427586271644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658059588381288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396525328122798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613762831733486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnowyMacie,2019/02/20,"My GF told me last night she has BPD. I feel...conflicted. (I posted this on another sub, but it seemed like most of the ones there only had negative views because their S.O. was undiagnosed and/or not seeking help) 

On one hand, the more I thought about it, the less I seemed surprised. A lot of her behaviors and things suddenly made complete sense. In a way, it doesn't change anything. Since I know about BPD having a psych degree, I'm not expecting anthing different, she is still the same person.


On the other hand, I'm fucking terrified. I'm not scared of her, but I guess more her BPD. I've never seen her go into more of an intense bout of anger and ""I hate you!"". In fact, I've never seen her mad, annoyed and frustrated, yes. I'm worried about myself; how am I going responded the first time her mood suddenly swings in that direction or if (or when) she goes from idolazing me to hating me. I can see that she kind of does place me up on this pedestal, which is nice but also makes me nervous cause I'm not that person. I also feel a bit alone, I've never met anyone with BPD and not sure who I could talk to for support or anything.  


Yes, she's in therapy, on meds, and is aware how it's e(a)ffected her relationships in the past. Honestly, I'm glad she told me sooner rather than later, because now I know. I'm now aware it's going to be emotionally challenging for me and a roller coaster. I feel like I can be a better girlfriend to her now, but I don't know how. Is there anything I should or shouldn't do or say? Are the swings going to be random or will I learn her, pattern? Any general advice? Resources? Is it doomed and I should get out now?",2.510996397323724,4.314826961194033,3.814873906330419,88.28671641791045,76.40298507462686,7.128152341739577,24.08903757076685,7.990435384864732,1.250239320638189,1292,42,271,21,29,423,175,335,0.134,0.7190000000000001,0.147,-0.3518,1,1,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,1,1,3,17,22,7,2,15,2,24,3,2,6,5,58,57,24,0,7,17,0,4,2,2,4,0,1,0,2,15,10,0,0,9,1,0,4,12,10,0,3,9,9,44,11,32,40,8,37,1,1,4,1,30,14,1,13,19,181,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480078834413376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047706629198797,0.0,0.15516384381425272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597272868525451,0.101727455752312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783432308973597,0.0,0.2395023389946748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827745622471753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580084568942674,0.10591397204781687,0.0,0.4887420727898487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965992338214698,0.10262776473726844,0.0,0.10171715119567748,0.0,0.0,0.07745764627869957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135880022823957,0.0,0.0,0.08489745323105799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912749697509927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471593166733953,0.06930669695119668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251991116053675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968771922969143,0.0506857201862934,0.0,0.2205407728683682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687166719467878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156213743436648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502632285980141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101024971286473,0.1599487855455234,0.07907921676381507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947921104246626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247768594225863,0.0,0.09179682821832988,0.06475748243433471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776049090818203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244691308542161,0.0,0.0,0.0910409041621721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314781589872812,0.07378338657354754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261067462437404,0.0,0.1694174623971396,0.10135880022823957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291242857491608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415654312269483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077149288588411,0.0971277644066935,0.0,0.07730745920358283,0.17663548790636546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025083969596662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747536706610514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009014051182907,0.09143438325305407,0.0,0.0,0.07797603882699064,0.0,0.0,0.1109437653060091,0.0,0.06445167548470612,0.0,0.0,0.07701814159731822,0.0565695423275569,0.0,0.0,0.1854017370873661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700505975968394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852224985357334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KY_Bluegrass,2019/02/20,"Could use any advice/input on relationship mending Hey guys. I am a partner (M) of a BPD (not the extreme version though from what I read) person (F). We've been together for a couple of years and while we had our ups and downs, we were really happy in our relationship. Up until recently when some life events made me lose my grip and I felt so down that somehow forgot how to deal with her and I behaved with my SO as if she wasn't a BPD person. I know that was a big mistake but I did that unintentionally because of my own struggles in life. This lead to a horrible mess. We were able to talk but it got us nowhere beyond an agreement to work for our relationship. We are stuck. She says she might never recover from her trauma caused by me and distances me crazy but whenever there's a hint of me ending the relationship (even though not real, because while I am terribly exhausted, I don't want to leave, I love this person truly) there's a huge drama and more fighting and as a result we end up same place we started. This goes on for almost a month (5 days short of a month to be exact) and emotions are so intense that I have 2 mild heart attacks so far. I am distracted from work, life, everything. Couples therapy (not BPD centered) is in process, but it is really slow and extremely pricey that I am afraid we will not be able to make it till there are some real changes. What could be done on my part to help my SO get back to herself? She really wants us to be same as before the grand mess, but all we do and try just ends up with same emotional instability and fighting. I am up for any ideas, thoughts, anything. Getting pretty desperate here. ",4.596,5.354124600000002,5.564242424242426,81.88636363636367,69.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,28.93939393939393,8.841846274778883,2.124848484848485,1298,46,263,22,22,428,183,330,0.162,0.759,0.079,-0.9828,0,0,0,0,4,0,39.0,13,0,0,4,18,17,3,3,15,0,29,6,1,7,3,63,44,33,0,6,11,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,0,5,13,22,0,1,4,2,0,1,7,13,0,0,14,3,42,4,45,22,10,39,0,1,0,1,37,20,0,6,18,194,55,4,0.1741131137436759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717456641355976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840288793877687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164012860614945,0.0,0.0,0.09903940133432504,0.0,0.06694111855388545,0.0,0.10613773807865036,0.0,0.07407871787954412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32893405746249715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943106473964027,0.09209429388290488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390151536113153,0.1926528486730264,0.0,0.056144277173077864,0.08975148749428052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908908307084774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585381797721294,0.2313188089001641,0.0,0.0,0.05750003476390673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824081987721586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358794688816043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096691567731456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962708129822873,0.0,0.0,0.08619967831549345,0.0,0.09267332360016872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316243905410674,0.058352174997732466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982762561477829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784400693111182,0.0,0.0,0.09218032375278527,0.0,0.0,0.18447186206050092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739401893475252,0.0,0.0,0.0785719414917433,0.0823750190516175,0.05811092771719471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235324940741528,0.0,0.0,0.13897542625420278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714338352605477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427376749266457,0.0,0.0,0.22804328259766155,0.09095557288746413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856781573580452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708011561249801,0.19817884165194635,0.16731197862792094,0.0,0.08595784732966373,0.3738646482937798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692308682188226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061619079031526074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101041524743378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997276276981895,0.0,0.0,0.09955675983710968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710652502325979,0.06911318184447275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059105687573501535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943663785138555,0.07518891362913895,0.0,0.0,0.1026964256012453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675642048257246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560615683641292
bpd,nihilistbrat,2019/02/20,"i'm on my third psychiatrist and still thinking about switching? i've been through 3 psychiatrists since i was 16, and i'm 20 now. my first one was a complete flop, extremely undermining and one of our first sessions he laughed and said ""how were you in an abusive relationship at 13?"" so yeah. big no no. my next one was a lady practicing, and over a 2 year span tried me on over 30-40 different kinds of anti depressants (not even over exaggerating) , and probably 6 different anti-psychotics, which i felt i had to speak up about to my therapist because it was so weird and unhealthy. also she never wanted to give me strong anxiety meds with the fear i would ""sell them to friends"" or abuse them, when i have never had pill-related drug issues and she knew that. my therapist and i finally figured out she was probably rubbed the wrong way by my overuse of eyeliner and thought i was an addict. so i switched to a guy in the same office as my mom, and even thought i've been diagnosed with BPD for 2 years now, he STILL says ""i think its just bipolar depression"" and has changed my meds only 3 times over a year span. its just like my men psychiatrists think i'm just an edgy teenage girl misdiagnosed with bpd, and the one woman psych thought i was lying about drugs and also thought i was misdiagnosed because of my ""looks"" and the fact i was a teenager. 

i'm in a very big city so i'm sure finding another one wouldn't be a problem, but i'm worried i'll be turned into another BPD poster girl who all psychiatrists turn away since i'll be considered ""flakey"" but because of trauma its also really hard to speak my mind to them when i only get 5-10 minutes :( should i try to look for another one??? i'm so tired of no one taking me seriously because i'm so young and i smile at them that i must be in a good mood. anybody else had problems with switching doctors so much? i dont even think it's me ""splitting"" i just really can't get properly medicated or taken seriously ",5.102213740458017,5.6269971653944015,6.063955216284993,79.58607022900763,68.44020356234097,9.748559796437661,32.51389312977099,9.791249743138472,2.9762847633587795,1558,66,316,34,25,517,200,393,0.151,0.795,0.053,-0.9864,2,0,2,0,1,0,45.0,1,1,4,3,27,18,0,1,17,1,27,8,0,1,6,58,56,34,0,7,9,1,3,1,1,4,8,4,0,5,9,22,0,0,12,0,1,0,9,10,0,10,23,9,42,7,42,25,3,38,0,2,2,0,25,20,0,2,18,200,51,3,0.0,0.1768242418945362,0.0,0.08134646736244452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901999755608874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347357275057813,0.057083852279025564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010764731336375,0.0,0.0,0.1819498615466701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28194263085263793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893772905173428,0.0,0.07823731659316649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853964506242266,0.07573740622216632,0.0,0.15592337083261304,0.0,0.07637640615546411,0.0,0.0,0.08745371124706428,0.0,0.1730702812473569,0.0,0.062335169095488675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785678807949842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839678874506278,0.0,0.0,0.0716465963878048,0.08174221395201979,0.06820103725006248,0.12694292631705642,0.0,0.0,0.05765098100108663,0.0,0.07797140777840035,0.07158199813276615,0.0,0.0625874487267972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388521660057112,0.0,0.0,0.06684457802928179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788356092229756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770491573392807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03645540730668774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532347840923674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657712891938867,0.07517147895249418,0.0,0.0,0.07534460686535853,0.08739366938361719,0.0,0.0,0.05485405192085143,0.0,0.11510259741250348,0.0,0.07935887805977718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539495925810105,0.1135032608918748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090527531267212,0.14280191561149885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560655772247936,0.0,0.0,0.08011361253977359,0.0,0.0,0.0709804050586993,0.05934056592498806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345234364816945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918274843663212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703281669411727,0.0,0.05610471412563711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327840359582308,0.0,0.19125311616297,0.0,0.2369587687714469,0.0435113364913004,0.08576434714794738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132373145779867,0.16232957227854414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156905223103187,0.04401262161258339,0.059229630095559725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577990892053835,0.0,0.053007680956456214,0.08158490797590784,0.0,0.14415788559179266
bpd,Y_I_AM_CHEEZE,2019/02/20,"Sitting at my ex girlfriend's parents house waiting for them to get home so I can collect the rest of my stuff (yes, I was invited) No doubt its gonna be a rough night. This stuff definitely sucks. They were kind to me and I still love her.",-0.2431714285714257,2.0476195400000035,1.3557142857142848,98.065,93.6,4.457142857142856,21.142857142857142,6.1826913282559595,0.09688571428571446,187,7,43,2,7,60,45,50,0.13,0.685,0.18600000000000005,0.6249,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,1,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,9,2,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,1,1,2,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477571217681062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836825819703657,0.0,0.0,0.3263260265637032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29450422977380275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25524805013142243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653990495296596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140282466697337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258533015520001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6475020714795982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,velvdotv,2019/02/20,"My boyfriend wants to learn about BPD. What are some good articles/videos to show him? We’ve been dating for 3 months and he’s noticed that I’m different from the other women he’s dated. Told him I have BPD. He’s being very supportive and wants to learn more. What are some good articles/videos/forums he can check out that won’t scare him away, haha. Thanks everyone :) ",2.1015410958904117,4.637250164383566,2.6783390410958923,92.11285102739728,81.60273972602741,6.389726027397263,18.71404109589041,7.645422480735847,0.5320698630136991,294,7,60,5,8,91,52,73,0.042,0.733,0.225,0.9184,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,9,13,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,5,8,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,3,31,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095477886177586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5618070408036789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302306384465324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311854876406766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741406816094297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802361414917967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539256918489367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329594663181104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530963447020702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533974534844898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311854876406766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402641133622416,0.263102468378767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,the_anxiety_man,2019/02/20,"PSA: Venting to a person does not equate to Friendship sometimes on social media, people will ask me to be their friend. or they'll start a conversation after reading one of MY vent posts. and for some reason they see that as an opportunity to dump all their problems on me -a lot of which they should be going to the police about, not some random stranger online- then completely ignore me afterwards. like they don't actually want to be friends, which includes getting to know one another. most of them don't even ask for my name. it's like i'm an unpaid volunteer for the Good Samaritans. 

if you want to vent, tell me that. don't ask me to be your friend though. because that's not what you want. 

does this happen to anyone else? I reckon for me it happens bc I come across as approachable, I'm generally very understanding, and I'm a good listener. I've been told that I am. there is a limit tho! ",2.7755433698903293,5.076200824858759,3.9372549019607885,85.3789232303091,77.47457627118644,6.8765702891326015,23.97108673978066,7.928766900206844,1.3499148554336988,714,24,140,12,17,232,110,177,0.078,0.794,0.128,0.9048,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,7,2,5,11,1,0,9,0,13,0,0,1,1,27,33,9,0,6,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,1,10,3,0,2,4,1,0,3,6,3,0,2,2,2,21,8,24,24,5,11,0,0,1,0,23,3,0,7,6,95,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.13881760340243934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149163809462569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994660288075646,0.14575416463342694,0.0,0.0,0.39895974506345866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671560599617244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253765353442495,0.14914869980597667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24897167522696226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883343943304267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939562204662456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297110343225458,0.0,0.07432089058385327,0.0,0.08084518967760904,0.23862875180947524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25158625842959803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817807557274432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389944552664959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093771283103245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278751159784552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861974744111192,0.12420911293687067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362382622288118,0.0,0.0,0.1361161206103927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229067120233738,0.0,0.0,0.14625892873055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335656661615146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500817893141255,0.0,0.0,0.14069103918886547,0.0,0.10068682215905707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433467161811708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976204041407278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592805000581495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480895317412285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737294284127762,0.2517120566406005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weeble25,2019/02/20,"This sucks I constantly feel like everyone hates me. That's they are better off not knowing me or even being around me. Why would they. I'm disgusted with myself so obviously everyone else is too? I'm stuck in this mindset for so long and I don't know how people get out of it. How can you convince yourself that you look normal and are fine when it feels like everyone's eyes are on you just waiting for you to fuck up. I hate it. It's all I can think about some days. I had no idea I had BPD. I honestly thought it was just my anxiety and my paranoia. That these feelings were normal. That it was normal to be on edge and hate yourself like this. But it's not. And I don't know how I will ever be able to convince myself that. I bring the people I love the most into this dark pit with me. It's like I drown them in my anger and self hate. And then I convince myself that they hate me and think the same way about me that I think of myself. Disgusting. 

",1.3169363707776895,3.1958660248756234,2.801461115475256,93.81975648075417,80.29353233830847,6.0226237234878255,20.529196124639963,7.0608816371341465,0.3013621890547258,745,20,169,9,19,243,103,201,0.203,0.6729999999999999,0.124,-0.9633,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,4,1,14,21,10,0,3,0,18,3,1,3,3,44,43,17,1,4,6,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,20,13,0,1,11,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,7,5,35,11,20,31,4,17,0,0,2,2,10,9,2,3,10,125,55,0,0.11595192434573508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887029047501139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032217959032336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025500543506179,0.0,0.0,0.14603738962391427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530283754195012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477939873963298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968629541649035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658515246171473,0.10488515394366654,0.0,0.3323910981687096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758863307441289,0.16567215584176626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071956856332154,0.060580094731457035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723925984518484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308956088695956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911724356468676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265930131095861,0.0,0.0,0.10261380425170713,0.09737041321203947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465113878740286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34082480080262306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077292926500286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096314526765375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289193356174086,0.0,0.09205287597487943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203724042782134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462857655390556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236892023197606,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anxietyzzzzzzz,2019/02/20,"Is there a name for this kind of thinking? I’m dealing with many obsessive thoughts lately mainly dealing with close friends of mine and I feel like I’m going crazy. 

Basically sometimes what happens is I blame a close friend of mine whom I have anxiety about over things which have literally nothing to do with them. Like if person x I have anxiety about and person y says something mean to me in my head I think about blaming person x because of my extreme anxiety and paranoid thinking? It literally makes no sense... Even if they don’t know each other. “What if they do know each other” “What if person x told person y to say that to me”  I don’t really know what’s wrong with me. This is just one example but there’s many that go on which I know it’s irra but I can’t shake it off sometimes hence I’m posting here.",1.1924545454545452,3.704637503030306,2.7171969696969707,90.27579545454547,86.0909090909091,5.4818181818181815,22.79545454545455,6.961326702584282,0.8502181818181818,648,24,131,9,20,211,89,165,0.12300000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.05,-0.722,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,8,8,0,2,2,0,11,1,1,1,0,30,29,9,0,4,7,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,17,11,0,0,10,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,2,3,18,5,20,27,3,11,0,0,0,0,17,6,0,4,3,87,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821245861674585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493731785591418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534719834114456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119446409600335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215737606024475,0.08782160429808056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995166476125355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972852075231004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870707296303228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616220231646708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801324320495394,0.27023764551986224,0.0,0.1386710066913346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011530744506126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205709185207175,0.2492645512589612,0.0,0.1339073993703238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795517121670855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833009172299169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366910413543247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773347880689998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875245349743283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551860331941176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946379376462712,0.2431629001967708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166959023818303,0.2363067842153164,0.0,0.09759311946284337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746540166334025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440525052926047,0.0,0.0
bpd,arctic_alpine,2019/02/20,"splitting learned from parents? DAE think they learned splitting from how their parents talked to them? For me my mother would alternate between telling me how I was the most wonderful daughter, and telling me she was ""ashamed any daughter of hers . .  . "" or that I would end up like the aunt she and my dad hated who had addiction and mental health issues. I feel like I learned to split myself, and therefore tend to split others as well? ",7.158227848101263,8.153270645569624,5.3593417721519,84.78027848101266,64.0632911392405,7.838987341772152,37.31898734177216,7.554174236665415,2.7262536708860767,347,17,62,3,5,99,54,79,0.083,0.785,0.132,0.516,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,3,5,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,3,0,17,10,8,0,2,1,7,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,16,3,10,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,17,1,0,3,3,45,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558510595159016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695803558149448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914038772804075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092686050070408,0.1543846410413261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335782201349884,0.0,0.2297082981211613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22555628470029265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211154860716654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778186310146014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799155255881453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369609711174672,0.3777685982859896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847062784568562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430332351979115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435541821811234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070279641950405,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,offtotheshire,2019/02/20,"Days left until I move out. Emotional wreck. Do I go NC or not? I'll try to make this as short as possible...

My fiancée wBPD broke off our engagement and ended our relationship after a year plus of living together.  We are still living as a couple, in the same place, same bed, same shared world etc.  We are friendly and still kiss each other goodbye, goodnight and say ""I love you"" when one of us leaves the other to go somewhere.  Because of the end of the relationship, I am moving out and she's staying for now.  My new place isn't ready yet, so we've basically been carrying on as if not much has changed.  What HAS changed is that I know she's emotionally moved on already, and I definitely haven't.  I don't hear the ""babe, boo, etc"" anymore.  No more compliments on my looks.  Any touching (rubbing feet, hugging, etc) is done only by me.  I know that she loves me.  Just isn't IN love with me.  The move out won't take more than a couple of trips back and forth, when the time comes next week.  And my nerves are fried and heart wrecked, so I may not be thinking of things totally rationally.

My main question is:  Because of everything I've learned about BPD (from being in love with someone who has it) and read here in this sub as well as others, am I supposed to say goodbye on the last day and just go away?  Is ""no contact"" the best thing for this woman who I still very much love?  Is it best for me?  If so, what should I expect from her emotionally?  I'm not sure I can endure trying to remain in contact and friends with her anyway, because of the emotional pain I'll go through doing that.  I get nauseous every time I think about my life without her.  I cry daily, just thinking about what I'll soon be saying goodbye to.  She seems fine emotionally.  That's the part that kind of hurts, not that she's intentionally being unempathetic.  No crying to speak of, no second thoughts on her part (at least from what I can see).  If anything, she seems nonchalant about the whole thing.  I am twice her age and know that has a lot to do with my feeling the way I do about the finality of our life together.  

Just could use some help from people who have BPD and would lend me some advice.  Do I go no contact and virtually ""disappear"" or is there some other way I should handle the breakup?  I really don't want to make things worse.  Losing her/us is bad enough.   Thank you, in advance.",3.5763818267419936,4.976107904661016,4.4233333333333364,86.70179849340867,72.70762711864407,7.363088512241055,26.034839924670433,7.8897218956490685,1.3371565913370986,1849,61,387,25,36,596,229,472,0.085,0.777,0.138,0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,6,2,0,4,25,24,0,0,19,0,42,12,2,4,2,73,74,32,0,9,15,0,3,0,2,5,3,5,1,2,27,26,0,0,12,1,0,13,17,5,1,3,3,10,53,19,65,61,24,62,0,3,2,7,44,22,0,13,24,282,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402828701778819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230622567453428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455786582989457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498117874702182,0.0,0.0,0.05391982060639887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156098630333112,0.05038311870516873,0.05470894225749173,0.1198265813054082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752462713648844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504777154732164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862922643086825,0.056442236033288025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052314759131027636,0.14499983796608684,0.1439478095517299,0.08451378890987743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705274642341079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685226051333168,0.11606780465505827,0.06770274241859793,0.2192262921041406,0.0,0.0,0.05520592740406753,0.0,0.05888781963346334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033130381894792865,0.0,0.0,0.07177720985289775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124576669698013,0.0,0.0342330469659234,0.0,0.1861910664323936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384914817962276,0.0776450338007701,0.0439186649868863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014369354244178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682320893156831,0.10802913064265827,0.053409965006992015,0.0,0.06937936345026753,0.07119089758652472,0.0,0.09256162156374433,0.0,0.0,0.11571596420881082,0.0,0.05502279161752882,0.07330344223652463,0.0,0.05570528515969573,0.2956851887593908,0.0,0.08747418126531925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785621864079361,0.09633384283708686,0.0,0.0,0.06328249180446875,0.0696844209227147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044400059573602435,0.04983317053784664,0.06972105877817014,0.0,0.0,0.14190998062104254,0.0,0.04542537662556697,0.0,0.13691511360082415,0.0,0.0,0.07386730259279961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340072096787942,0.0,0.065540700492368,0.0,0.041975691782630116,0.0,0.0,0.14069429493838614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631948465529674,0.0,0.0,0.05221332304257413,0.11929930029844167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551739904293648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983876689501373,0.15698018315975434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061754622893737364,0.0,0.049265118288775986,0.0,0.0,0.060324746609395075,0.0,0.0,0.1741221966100862,0.1259534185901897,0.0,0.05201791843616976,0.0764139403454204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897158988370378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763212826483794,0.0565908076011632,0.0,0.05406331158371568,0.038647144785151986,0.10401816597171944,0.05255857348444945,0.0,0.05891301816494659,0.0,0.0,0.07315405498017226,0.0,0.06316180396811867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667735032421244,0.0465456372647342,0.0,0.0,0.042194643810951206
bpd,celia99r,2019/02/20,"Too afraid to start a relationship with my fp? Sup gang. more or less I’m too scared to even try asking her on a date in case she says no, even though there’s a big chance she’d say yes. I am so scared of the possibility of her not wanting me. i would rather have half of her, through our weirdly flirtatious friendship, than be rejected and have none of her. Anyone relate? X",1.3661363636363646,3.575533064935069,2.568944805194807,93.78770292207794,81.98701298701299,5.927922077922077,20.01461038961039,7.1686216300943375,0.24170259740259725,294,8,67,4,8,94,61,77,0.16399999999999998,0.725,0.11199999999999999,-0.6408,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,7,10,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,2,11,0,11,7,3,5,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,2,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144663872416175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259507021593174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427912141502933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925443654287128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786031287691994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127255482688121,0.5196044001227288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836736186575184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549549103184396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618172310416105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305830929185651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843395310121156,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aymymaury,2019/02/20,"New here I'm new to Reddit in general and I find that people in other subreddits can be so nasty. I have severe BPD, GAD, PD, Dysthymia and Major Depression. Sometimes I might post something on impulse to seek validation or you know...just to use the internet and people will nitpick it and attack me. I'm usually pretty thick skinned but strangers calling me names and ripping my character to shreds over a picture they don't like really kind of triggers my depression. I don't know. Maybe I'm just looking for validation here, does anyone feel the same way? ",3.916,6.46872407619048,4.9126190476190486,78.54321428571431,74.90476190476191,8.009523809523811,30.5,8.841846274778883,2.9506,448,21,76,10,10,146,77,105,0.159,0.821,0.02,-0.9294,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,7,1,1,2,0,17,14,8,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,10,2,10,11,2,10,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,2,4,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200017823677335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476582573599973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377632656359172,0.0,0.19276667396454866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32519387736397753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652036675227536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545342802538248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254256251308545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658653036956625,0.20749837976894012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222894031788938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852863079265878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896560516959847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002669806275586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646520463245315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617541766964022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080016979127395,0.1920583103680527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209380467485243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132689792618042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533296194539214,0.18670939688540905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304631191422825,0.2079157797488883,0.0,0.0,0.149845699793674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RustyBoyo,2019/02/20,"""I'm obviously pretty mentally healthy"" Does anyone else successfully perform one (1) healthy coping mechanism and decide that they're obviously a poster child of mental health? Just a bit ago I decided to stop looking at something that was upsetting me, which I have a lot of trouble with (self-destruction is my damn superpower and I'm always looking for stuff to upset me). My brain pretty much responded with ""well I guess this means I'm actually a lot more mentally healthy and good at coping with"". Cue imposter syndrome.",6.579498480243164,8.580320627659582,7.096079027355624,68.10500000000002,66.12765957446808,10.477811550151976,36.83282674772037,10.608840637214634,4.580044376899696,425,22,66,12,7,139,66,94,0.127,0.657,0.21600000000000005,0.8555,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,2,4,0,3,2,1,0,2,16,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,2,7,3,10,9,5,4,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,3,2,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.16131490837320353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653388407288082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754791799189595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155858690113127,0.1693756349091453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804714478154668,0.0,0.0,0.1845362781413384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446604825049683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809203533243722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865091418470993,0.0,0.0,0.1821033064492076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571265474456174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776309819896636,0.0,0.0,0.28107467044572226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006680456263635,0.0,0.0,0.499769006611029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151900421378295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201569183825097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363514656005425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245031471769814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272607122720262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820330191538885,0.0,0.0,0.18923593590733684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486300367927751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DarkPixii,2019/02/20,"BPD help videos Has anyone else seen Dr Daniel Fox's videos on YouTube? I only discovered him a few weeks ago but I've watched so many of his videos on BPD. He's a psychologist who specialises in personality disorders and BPD in particular. 
https://www.youtube.com/user/lcruz71",6.419148936170213,9.95045517021277,5.399404255319152,73.09400000000002,71.76595744680851,9.71744680851064,28.54893617021277,9.888512548439397,3.4183821276595747,231,9,38,7,5,69,38,47,0.0,0.956,0.044000000000000004,0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,5,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867432323988312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882623053215885,0.21808493982125188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8042127909889153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439389045019334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778047546887317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266557217338427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579150623087429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187827635741092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584811616337302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073148651068434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,costume_fan,2019/02/20,"DAE go a little too hard in the first few days of a crush? I have a small crush on this person I met and had a connection with the other night. We got to know each other a bit and I want to get to know them more. They go to my college, so I kind of made a point to walk past them whenever I saw them today, or sit like 100 feet away in their general direction. And now that I’m home hours later, of course I’m going over what I did in my head and cringing internally x1000. I think I ruined it. I think I was too intense and they probably thought I was stalking them or something, because they saw me at least twice. 

Now I’m feeling really gross about myself. I always do this. I get attached immediately if there’s any sort of affection or attention from the other person. 

Ugh I wasn’t feeling confident enough to go up and talk to them. I don’t know why. We even made eye contact. 


DAE relate?? 

(also, writing this out makes me sound like a child- makes me feel better and worse at the same time lol)
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bpd,PumpkinJ425,2019/02/20,Split on my therapist Said a lot of shit on the phone to him a few days ago and threatened not to come back to therapy. Realized I fucked up and felt so bad and apologized to him at our session yesterday. But I'm worried he hates me now even though he still is seeing me? ,5.670526315789473,4.614045526315788,6.518245614035092,82.17105263157897,67.42105263157895,11.108771929824565,33.03508771929825,10.504223727775694,3.065835087719297,213,8,48,5,3,71,46,57,0.298,0.665,0.037000000000000005,-0.9585,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,6,4,3,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,9,8,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,3,7,0,9,6,2,11,0,0,1,1,8,4,2,1,6,33,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22867740221628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198365229062292,0.2153965880152974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222208026670356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637117279433292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038866116123588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24769443041154915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23849178032824345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546948210557305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931932628755146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24539129404321802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557099384919825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648054649068489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601748357385613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29501448282330184,0.299526409105147,0.0,0.0,0.25345705509590705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26198399258372546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MinimyXD,2019/02/20,"My partner left me after a rage episode I don’t know how I will be able to get over this. I got uncontrollably angry two days ago over something irrational and i got unneccesarily angry over something really small, but I couldn’t really help it- and I hate myself for it.  My partner of eight months finally got tired of how I handle situations, and he left me. Blocked me everywhere. Does anyone have any advice on how to make this easier? It’s all I can think about, I haven’t slept since and I feel so worthless. It’s the first relationship where I’ve really felt like I wanted to get better, it was really worth getting better for.",2.9565053763440865,5.329496370967746,4.52225806451613,81.04505376344086,77.2258064516129,8.004301075268819,22.43010752688172,8.841846274778883,1.7626526881720437,506,15,96,12,12,169,80,124,0.19,0.649,0.161,-0.2938,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,2,1,2,0,8,2,1,4,1,17,22,9,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,4,0,3,6,2,17,3,13,13,1,14,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,7,61,24,0,0.1540141081455697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050080398754814,0.13652421419151362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473487490779483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076902454217629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724259256620272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932635848462422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477878392094764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787416068456733,0.0,0.14787769645716156,0.16871492732333973,0.0,0.13100432171047796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413980444245036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695374552216439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520570461544551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323241021190917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464212601991082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33467355827872,0.0,0.0,0.0752435136868298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280561312631724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293259174149294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946615257387269,0.0,0.0,0.1653535139773899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740206179589425,0.17311831049379256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713516979798865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868602168255937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701656092276766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044940453303274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084151135220356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trolliollio,2019/02/20,Kicked out of DBT Has anyone else been asked to leave DBT group for awhile or take a break?,5.91842105263158,4.9235113684210505,4.241052631578948,98.49736842105264,66.89473684210526,7.6,19.0,3.1291,-0.7960947368421056,72,0,18,0,1,20,18,19,0.066,0.934,0.0,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31924787321069265,0.4678150684073945,0.0,0.0,0.42683601505328816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814098467599152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834470269921901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432875971570402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ohmahgolly,2019/02/20,"Worst day at work. Somebody told me I should kill myself Long story short, I come across aloof and weird. I can’t look people in the eye and when I do I can’t help but look evil. Like my face just starts to turn angry in eye contact and I can’t control it. I feel incredibly uncomfortable and can see their face start to become uncomfortable. I feel my breathing become unnatural and am self conscious of every muscle in my face. 

I think I may have BPD but I’m not sure. I’m always self diagnosing because I feel like I fit them all. Whether it is bipolar, Aspergers, BPD, paranoia, social anxiety, sociopathy. Etc

I just want to be happy. I can’t connect with people as much as I want to and it hurts. I feel like a loser. People even make jokes about me being a serial killer at work. 
And then my paranoia kicks in. There’s one person at work who I can’t help but feel hates me and unequivocally makes gestures and comments that have 2 meanings. Today he was talking about one unknown person saying they’re a paranoid schizophrenic and should do every one a favour and hang themselves. I couldn’t help but feel he was talking to me indirectly. 

I’ve concluded that people are so hostile towards me because I come across hostile to them with a weird face that makes me seem duplicitous myself. The thing is, I respect and like all of these people. If I didn’t, I would snap at them but I feel like I deserve it because I give an “off” vibe. These are good people that I have turned bullies because they feel the need to defend themselves against someone evil. And because I hide my emotions, good and bad, they don’t think I get upset. 

I am too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone and would be incredibly appreciative for anyone with insight or advice. 

I have seen a psych before but stopped because it was weird and uncomfortable. I feel like he secretly thought I was a serial killer as well. 

The scary thing is, I always weigh whether I could be what anyone accuses me of. If someone calls me a serial killer, or gay or anything with connotations, I start to wonder if I could turn in to one. 

I wish I was normal or got help when I was younger before everything had set in stone

FUCK!!!",3.979234469488727,5.711657838785047,4.731094007696537,83.56401594282575,72.24766355140187,7.2782847718526655,27.074216602528864,7.928766900206844,1.641809015942826,1737,62,334,24,34,559,194,428,0.23800000000000002,0.618,0.14400000000000002,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,6,6,12,30,7,2,13,0,40,13,7,5,3,82,82,38,1,15,18,0,9,6,0,5,3,1,0,4,16,23,1,2,19,1,0,3,9,16,1,4,12,16,60,14,40,58,5,30,0,2,6,2,29,16,1,11,16,220,76,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964312530617402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860283581253345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545204986022768,0.0,0.0,0.14949857523912585,0.0,0.05864821624752532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059506538414001636,0.2606690887902272,0.1574217586649284,0.12128913641190735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952132050919214,0.0,0.07277349545087393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227836601511728,0.0,0.0,0.07993410973049286,0.11380480394586467,0.0,0.0,0.04596253207207427,0.0,0.0,0.07233641363046034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016789816765536,0.0,0.0,0.07948364096832679,0.04707242349624083,0.0,0.12009421144679043,0.0,0.0640518744566959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243211868825264,0.2036580102185572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588693172112066,0.03723504860902493,0.06836760438082118,0.0,0.11955391146869765,0.057000234367418814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586704865871842,0.0,0.07036326476965235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910801135824144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629481072103325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884845704213718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891025084233808,0.0,0.0,0.06307071664721689,0.11969582038796305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271759367597514,0.0,0.0,0.07763270418272772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239082755770615,0.05284497193451992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982837119080486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931745518431208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29645320939499265,0.1244584751758356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056675874391896475,0.0,0.0,0.05679207064052025,0.06488051224386998,0.14869797130253853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264964868962949,0.12077178254498468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133344156381462,0.0,0.0,0.05958397540697995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717007655115369,0.0,0.0,0.17184967987378252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469575496946818,0.09133244197917928,0.0,0.05657953040052535,0.0,0.0,0.06755456557563608,0.06810046959254404,0.0,0.0,0.2325602302187068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407246460460331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407928272524964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195569548571083,0.0,0.07728806090474784,0.15565378169741376,0.0,0.0,0.10125473597577386,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LettuceTalkTurtles,2019/02/20,"I screwed everything up Within the last month I've gotten rid of my case worker, stopped going to therapy and have recently found myself off my meds. I finally got insurance but can't find a doctor to benefit from it. The free clinic I go through will no longer see me or prescribe me meds because of this.

Everything was getting better, my meds were working, I was feeling better and out of nowhere I systematically fucked everything up. Now I'm actually stuck, the suicidal thoughts are back, my mood swings are back tenfold and I'm on the verge of cutting my entire family off because I can no longer find myself content with their BS.

I did it and I can't fix it, I'm the only one to blame.",5.277246732026144,6.149726022058825,6.354803921568627,76.41633986928106,68.19117647058823,9.573856209150328,33.49346405228758,9.725611199111238,3.2665777777777785,553,25,103,12,9,185,87,136,0.149,0.7020000000000001,0.149,0.4449,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,4,3,8,3,0,6,0,11,4,0,0,0,14,25,6,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,9,2,18,5,17,15,0,18,0,0,1,2,1,8,2,1,8,68,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.14448963008283547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22770497979552756,0.0,0.18051753561069894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619021022525575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155032821445444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992125772813114,0.0,0.1395820685960967,0.0,0.07486587902703606,0.0,0.0,0.16219746354900327,0.2706566098115302,0.0,0.0,0.1623451230294478,0.0,0.13688327908513795,0.07735760973164263,0.0,0.1682969776769555,0.0,0.11842073663194333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069236001412208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933989673734365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818370125461285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033236258447596,0.11260975285064427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619586819207736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179882664473388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378858328321785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619585722332039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693247026412396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175467038456504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107792746776795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,that_angel,2019/02/20,"So tired of being called manipulative Been reading a lot today from various support groups for people who have loved ones with BPD all over the internet. I find it so unfair that we are constantly characterized has manipulative, like that is all we think about, manipulating people. I've been told this many times in my life, and I've always responded in the same way: I'm not trying to manipulate you, this is just how it makes me feel. They should be in our shoes for one day and then try to tell me that we are manipulating them intentionally.",8.898932038834953,7.7665585048543715,9.170213592233015,66.00755339805828,61.038834951456316,12.511844660194175,33.221359223300965,11.602472056035307,3.637766601941748,438,13,83,11,5,146,78,103,0.109,0.81,0.081,-0.4739,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,4,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,11,4,1,8,2,24,18,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,11,3,12,12,5,10,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,1,6,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738303222662204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631155383762972,0.0,0.2133210404287469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257580996540154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473002913503432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563145672477532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094046806193574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755970748593172,0.10206314764693837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760828828877756,0.1885499377567008,0.0,0.1394494217151627,0.2118025190913104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831264056248969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896645574728107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208967095210549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706922897261776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259703845973999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338614520794103,0.0,0.0,0.12181742816003395,0.2401119579371268,0.19802278460067624,0.19962299374467216,0.0,0.2836731154014266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582347937195235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thechelle218,2019/02/20,"Why has this suddenly disabled me? I’ve only recently been diagnosed with BPD. I’m 30. I’ve had an MDD diagnosis for 7 years and meds will sometimes help but never WORK. Now I know it’s because of BPD. 

My trauma was 15-20 years ago. 

I’ve lived a relatively normal life. A lot of huge fuck ups and lashing out and failed relationships, bad decisions, lost jobs, the whole nine for sure. 

BUT I have always been able to just keep going. Suddenly I can’t. I’m fucking broken. I can’t work, I can’t even stay awake over 13 hours at a time (except when I don’t sleep for 48 hours every couple of weeks. Which is also new)

I feel physically weak, I have anxiety (which is new-ish) and have frequent panic attacks which lead to really intense dissociation. 

Of course all of this makes me feel awful. Why can’t I manage basic things? I have kids to take care of and a home to manage and bills that I need to be working to pay, but I can’t push past it anymore. I try. It does NOT work. It always has before. 

Where the fuck did this come from and why?? 

(I do have a therapist and am 1000% on board and cooperative, but I have like 2 weeks before I can see her again and this is feeling super urgent to me even though I know it’s not really) ",1.7344194373401542,3.5280995843137286,3.7731287297527736,87.7582097186701,78.6470588235294,6.787723785166242,20.498721227621484,7.7425588080867325,0.6703861892583123,954,24,208,15,23,325,151,255,0.18600000000000005,0.716,0.09699999999999999,-0.9821,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,8,10,14,4,1,8,1,27,7,1,2,3,36,46,17,0,2,8,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,14,13,0,1,6,0,2,4,9,10,0,1,6,4,22,4,24,38,3,30,0,2,1,3,4,7,3,1,19,125,36,10,0.10432097005445393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247424558612058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342544206241842,0.17360680812795298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980525655260566,0.0,0.10345837041315324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868016370116105,0.0,0.0,0.0871036525056388,0.06359309507295816,0.0,0.17753892382767075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627772197098054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636218159870756,0.0,0.0,0.08986327849194586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542916914869095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058835886661024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912919839012641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378060336929319,0.0,0.08789491659742214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824345086189115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28932916742887954,0.0,0.0,0.059288011359644475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992414723582882,0.0,0.10464243877660392,0.0,0.20547028328893868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352246578929764,0.09272527144343616,0.0,0.0,0.1146641538257342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368498628707056,0.05096595651287067,0.0,0.0921173278068537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387866209400373,0.08868995818710447,0.0,0.0,0.06963505757695629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158770802512502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735267744916573,0.08045876328980063,0.20150768588740392,0.0,0.0,0.10221240121417456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934079860936136,0.0,0.1223981811502452,0.0,0.0,0.09958617008078416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366136941597825,0.0,0.10300437255317166,0.11200168080530627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313030665187554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439630941140883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317610686415217,0.0,0.0,0.1111922737313124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983212796883542,0.0,0.07843638657603749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112468677128553,0.0693062170515944,0.0,0.10249482341200562,0.0,0.06083039656577039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082709085865305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735997926754498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282400348155712,0.11647063754917968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30378763462559705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343585688354268
bpd,pluvialweb,2019/02/20,"Realizing I'm really making progress! So good, yet so scary. Had a therapy session today and felt really blissed out once I realized during our conversation how much progress I've really been making since I started working on myself and truly trying to get better, to be more stable and get a better sense of self. When my partner would praise me for doing better in the recent past, I heard his words and just didn't really believe it - I kind of felt like it was insulting for some reason haha. I guess it can be embarrassing that ""doing good"" isn't simply the default. I often find myself feeling jealous of his emotional stability, honestly. But today I'm genuinely pleasantly surprised at how much better I'm now able to cope with my emotions, avoid my unhealthy coping mechanisms (such as overdoing it with mind-altering substances etc.) and I also wonder if maybe I've just been doing well lately and sooner or later everything's going to go back to shit and start crashing down around me? 

I remind myself, If things have been shit (more than) once before and I've got this far, then I know I can survive what happens next... I just need to stay on track and keep using these new skills/coping mechanisms. I realize now I have more power over my life than I tend to myself credit for. It's been truly great to really feel like I actually am developing a good relationship with my Self, but just like any other relationship, I've got anxiety up the wazoo despite the good feelings and proof of progress. Sigh. Sometimes I just wish for true calmness and peace, but I'm usually either crazy happy or very depressed. Such is BPD I guess lol. Looking into DBT groups lately, I think that's the next step. Maybe will look into seeing a psychiatrist somewhere down the line. Wish me luck! Sending you all luck and love, too. ",6.056712433257058,7.241756280701757,6.701528095601323,73.50028604118997,66.60233918128654,9.339638952453598,29.781845919145695,9.54385415503706,2.8531211289092298,1456,51,244,29,23,478,199,342,0.069,0.6679999999999999,0.263,0.9966,1,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,1,0,11,21,34,4,2,10,2,21,4,2,6,3,66,57,27,0,6,13,0,5,3,1,2,1,1,0,3,12,19,0,2,13,0,1,4,2,7,2,0,12,9,34,26,34,41,9,37,1,1,3,1,16,13,2,11,22,160,46,3,0.08375151278784095,0.0,0.08172939517996955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697605451784826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056953900657479635,0.0,0.0640696780447271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455660273301498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439974366148797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126636879206175,0.094359274958006,0.0,0.2962856282653999,0.0,0.0,0.1054820984955912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213505524187355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841835848176386,0.0,0.0,0.09340507547102136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527045936499213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704184395077836,0.0598320974699771,0.16082917253479795,0.0,0.07654736540150217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751341743086576,0.0,0.0951958295433992,0.28098718145132257,0.1339674712454667,0.09233633851740818,0.1845234671296961,0.0,0.07406118616466922,0.08915504271570887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444219271539841,0.0,0.08721431253851614,0.046027641136917,0.0,0.18895070876761735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915617030854092,0.12275027608746801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066035476858274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558901016839975,0.0,0.1118095702540776,0.0,0.16827930312762945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456515304317964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313399694326616,0.06210068552061885,0.0,0.08088773293920598,0.17814136798013153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783852555307324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995029563719827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682668183597066,0.0861105039406579,0.08269451502020589,0.17983556321090408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673911234699492,0.0,0.17474218672790826,0.0,0.17193944867028074,0.06928011684235483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283238766781154,0.0,0.11855950363580887,0.0892679691384784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577715388961107,0.0,0.05564078363768694,0.05366458765658068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877328263104554,0.0,0.0,0.05686177958925905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233441670091807,0.09224045901120424,0.06910376921794767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075302668148606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262021288565065,0.0,0.09082494301806814,0.060972098785251325,0.0,0.0,0.05949467173618955,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adviceneededusually,2019/10/03,"I m filming a Youtube Docuseries and I Suspect The Lead Cast Member is BPD.... Advice?!? I have started making videos for youtube, a sort of psudo-reality ish show. Its called the Ashton Chronicles. Anyways, I am concerned because the person im working with is showing lots of borderline traits and I often think she might not be able to tell the difference between acting and not acting. Is that even possible? Like to forget that something is just a bit for a skit or production?

​

I am thinking maybe I should part ways and stop filming additional episodes, but it is so hard to find someone to work with as it is. Still, I don;'t know if she is in a mental state to truthfully consent to the show. If anyone is able to weigh in on the situation and give me advice it would be majorly helpful and appreciated. I hate having mixed emotions on the subject and I either want to maker up my mind and confident behind my decision to either keep working together or go our seprarate way and cancel the show.

​

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vljUhvozKdc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vljUhvozKdc)",6.368777573529414,9.23316315104167,5.531372549019611,75.52147058823532,68.53125,7.64264705882353,32.127450980392155,8.4952907291091,2.8938973039215683,903,40,137,15,17,272,122,192,0.073,0.807,0.12,0.9088,0,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,0,4,6,3,1,0,13,0,17,1,0,3,1,43,27,16,0,5,10,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,12,1,2,6,7,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,16,2,23,22,6,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,8,4,101,22,4,0.2537765257047317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24798748381952995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749667595743643,0.3083662559561937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872322368543684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734990730052645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852911926283273,0.0,0.15981132512833696,0.0,0.12956710333054464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325712278906535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427322170156449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380850090227941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597357347235923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172278391178032,0.07211352392016444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366696012091312,0.1252758898085132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850505279001532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706109801578178,0.0,0.0,0.1127841181866902,0.0,0.0,0.06973447084890623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199119585594074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787586350986177,0.0,0.0,0.08469890075746297,0.0,0.12747631497691336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278735245172548,0.13460839490045418,0.1281209737031921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374076234981644,0.0,0.0,0.11079393681422972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430474510542122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262772385586628,0.0,0.0,0.107512013346833,0.09768478394338947,0.0,0.0,0.08981216553720929,0.0,0.10133313062215048,0.10608426942488018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109059345595446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626097506246031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484198499185449,0.20143599377945712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771284997653175,0.0,0.0,0.0901377813282058,0.0,0.3083662559561937,0.0
bpd,CitizenBell,2019/10/03,"I’m too intense and push everybody away with it. I can’t handle losing people. I ended up developing feelings for my friend who I worked with. I misread the signs - she’d tapped me on the butt once and stuck a post it note at the very of my leg once, we used to kid around like we were in a relationship and she called me her work husband. Anyway, she’s single and I was going to ask her out but ended up getting drunk at her leaving do and told her then. It wasn’t reciprocated and I got tearful. I didn’t outright tell her I liked her but it was obvious.

I then panicked and sent a long text about how much I valued her friendship and how I was proud of it, that it’d given me a confidence I hadn’t had since before my AVM bleed, and a lot of other stuff. Wanted her to know I hadn’t tried to do things because I wanted more and had just been motivated to cheer her up just because I cared about her as a mate. That I hoped we could be as we were as I’d gotten a lot out of the friendship and hoped she had too and we could be like we were.

And then I disrespected her boundaries as I hadn’t heard back from her, but someone told me she’d posted a picture of the book I’d got her as a leaving present on Facebook so I thought maybe there was a chance. So I text again, just about asking how her weekend had been. I rejoined the work WhatsApp group and she left immediately and then blocked me.

I’m handling this loss so badly. I thought she was attracted to me and I’ve also lost a friend and pushed her away due to my intensity. She had said really lovely things about me, thanked me for being upbeat when she was down, that I was a well loved character in the office, that I was thoughtful after I’d given her leaving presents and she cried, and that I was the feel good part of the office. That I was bonkers but that’s why we got on so well.

And it went from that to blocking me in the space of 2 weeks. I just can’t handle losing people at all and start thinking what’s wrong with me. She thought so highly of me and now doesn’t. And I miss her so much,

Anytime I feel I’m going to lose someone I try to tell them how much I value them to keep them around and it just makes things worse.",2.799783681214421,3.747016746236561,3.95457621758381,91.06951138519923,74.01075268817205,6.5888678051865925,23.999051233396592,6.661559191721324,0.5348671726755216,1717,48,392,13,34,560,194,465,0.10800000000000001,0.7090000000000001,0.183,0.991,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,7,0,3,10,34,25,0,0,22,0,38,6,2,7,2,77,82,49,0,6,9,1,3,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,24,38,1,3,10,3,0,6,8,8,2,0,43,5,84,17,55,31,9,48,0,6,0,3,58,22,1,4,21,287,108,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766392528203237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064465749515069,0.15820098726627835,0.0,0.15899090629886492,0.06506115468673558,0.07064721371837583,0.10315698250062308,0.0,0.07199830279316892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639797950239074,0.0,0.08626724091128267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511107385553428,0.0,0.0929419510418384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988165851745605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834661430356906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074153918490156,0.0,0.044206107547283234,0.0,0.09617352864028626,0.07096825793860596,0.20301505582477472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939687928717788,0.0,0.1680769678910292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520674369349516,0.0,0.0,0.046500363349510236,0.0,0.0,0.2687746380242652,0.09193083158008776,0.0,0.0,0.12401097032847612,0.0,0.0,0.07487866908586019,0.0,0.2839764617785429,0.09236363743066876,0.14386763931196947,0.1527306788372969,0.0,0.05647894954361603,0.0,0.08500379930790081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865979482255154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021734317645066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162619780254007,0.0,0.11731816256289199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206919009795268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542044050931739,0.0,0.0,0.09084127304716123,0.0,0.0,0.0804850780350746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999165124458533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338239393533864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988857848703528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686012378421363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790866530872135,0.07789906165910568,0.0,0.0,0.16863670996135882,0.05421574435260732,0.0,0.2686888723710896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170016128829903,0.0,0.11489154544048905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307731997957588,0.0,0.06981349245981594,0.09981231530272414,0.0,0.06787038133935762,0.0,0.15215211310445678,0.07843586966412691,0.07634887545429002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847949195959813,0.0,0.08622652457926176,0.0,0.0925095831658762,0.0,0.0
bpd,witchdagger,2019/10/03,"I just feel like I'm letting everyone down I wish I could go to work. It's not fun being at home, I usually just sleep and when I try to actually take advantage of the day and try to do something enjoyable or better myself I just feel guilty because if I can do that then I can go to work. And I know that if I just forced myself and really buckled down or whatever that I could do it because it's so easy some days so then why is it so hard on other days. And I'm so tired of not being able to do the bare minimum. Everyone else around me is so productive and has their shit together and is juggling so much and has a longer commute and more responsibility but the 30 minute walk to work is just too much for me even when that's ALL I have to do. I'm given every consideration at work, I'm supported, people understand, but I know that it's only to an extent and after a point I'm letting people down. I like these people I don't want to disappoint them. Or disappoint myself. I just can't think forward. It's hard to plan long term or feel like there's consequences when half the time I figure I'll be dead by the weekend or some edgy bullshit. And of course I won't. I just want to fucking act like the grown-ass adult I am but I feel like some petulant teen trying to defy myself or something. It's stupid. I'm stupid.",2.7645952380952394,3.861595507142858,4.570714285714286,86.04095238095242,74.28571428571428,7.904761904761906,24.404761904761905,8.418075326091056,1.3598333333333334,1042,31,229,18,21,355,132,280,0.131,0.752,0.11699999999999999,-0.7249,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,7,20,16,4,0,9,0,25,4,2,0,1,51,48,33,1,7,20,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,14,12,0,0,10,1,0,5,5,6,0,1,1,6,29,10,25,39,9,27,0,2,0,1,3,9,2,11,20,155,43,4,0.11239228174550853,0.0,0.10967865420206156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005295930097537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702658352923686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994018397420051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947218306117504,0.0,0.0,0.2174511712331152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388932953577618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074234042096054,0.0,0.0946953448099544,0.2147912833465087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731565864296865,0.2408792056080931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039048534086226,0.0,0.0,0.12775024759424344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136281670006248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127386224972614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353571747046872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298574457896901,0.0,0.2745459585370934,0.0,0.0,0.0994636325659267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652425182092633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547939485764275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337559699629195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062470346454292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200137365502643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536906209127695,0.0,0.0,0.11247345010723846,0.0,0.0,0.17305013895554094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754142941600616,0.0,0.0,0.0845050084805768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201643594109032,0.0,0.0,0.06553684332059355,0.12917839429390596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289209450461949,0.0,0.0,0.1170043290237786,0.0,0.0,0.12378421968071475,0.0,0.13258375951422038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014165527741894,0.0,0.12924557727909414,0.0,0.0,0.3272916787853811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unsweetheart,2019/10/03,"Jealousy/Fear/Sadness/Inferiority at Work I started a new internship 3 weeks ago that pays $10.50 an hour doing marketing tasks. The company seems really cool and I’m enjoying it so far. The hiring manager said that my internship would be for 3 months with a possibility of full time.

I’m a 24 yo grad student with previous experience, so I really want to be at least full-time doing more important duties. The work I turn in has been high-quality and I’ve been getting compliments. I even asked to take on more work to show that I’m capable, and told others I’d like to be full-time. The marketing managers for other divisions are younger than me with less education, and I can easily do their tasks.

However, I recently learned they promoted a younger intern than me with less education for a full-time position, who I believe was hired at a similar time. I became so upset, a whirlwind started in my brain. I’m 24 without health insurance, no full time career, making 10.50 an hour and with debt up to my neck, and I can’t afford to go to a therapist to be more confident, and no one is eager to hire me. I’m questioning what is wrong with me. I cried in the bathroom for a bit but managed to compose myself. I couldn’t help but distance myself and not talk for a day or two, because I’m questioning everything in my life right now and my worth. 

What the fuck do I do? Am I overreacting? I am afraid now that they think I can’t handle my work because I withdrew from conversation. I’m probably overthinking, but input is appreciated.",5.185365448504982,6.065217993355483,6.783818936877079,73.23167524916946,68.40199335548172,10.936943521594683,32.99019933554817,10.899274998029325,3.8481041860465126,1220,54,230,37,20,421,163,301,0.055,0.825,0.12,0.9223,3,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,3,5,6,9,1,2,18,1,24,5,2,1,0,31,45,16,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,10,15,0,1,5,1,3,1,7,4,0,2,5,2,31,5,35,34,9,29,0,0,0,1,12,13,1,4,16,150,41,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550412423647805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181400348206207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588607662021644,0.0,0.0,0.14680479679456815,0.0,0.0,0.1422551286448332,0.0,0.0,0.14545919758718218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431297154774891,0.08403347434229826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606269310616407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117106288667746,0.12745954594017686,0.0,0.1466250408040276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204613309292314,0.0680769827261502,0.0,0.07405315703214467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850404929854274,0.0,0.0,0.0873381268294354,0.13767033888915567,0.0,0.0,0.25664080823247004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203556900108822,0.06365856931929484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697704199265456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104005149806636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584568080454406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829544421333521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689498973442272,0.0,0.0,0.14048669839512232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919342598040637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694853059669712,0.0,0.1286566845598326,0.0,0.0,0.11127648621897686,0.12394625021544922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862129032427705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445567589477369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979702627722634,0.10473114377714156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128969996198444,0.0,0.08349172764939926,0.0,0.0,0.2279389781799374,0.0,0.0,0.12450835074163588,0.0,0.0,0.14173025475386025,0.12728530843701238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685500535703922,0.0,0.10451973798223801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256056769346391,0.0,0.3794432111222025,0.0,0.0,0.09256221180671324,0.1424638730847442,0.0,0.0
bpd,OuiOuiCeci,2019/10/03,"Success is Scary + Change   Like most of you can relate, I’ve never been a committed person when it comes to work or school. That all changed for me in February of 2018, when I found a job that I love and helped point me towards my career goal, which is why I’m going back to school for the first time in 3 years (started last month.) 
   I’m really proud of myself, I have an “A” in all my classes currently, and even though those aren’t final grades, this is the first time I’ve been more than a “C” student my entire life. It’s incredibly rewarding, but success is also daunting; I feel like I’m always walking a tight rope, ready to fall to my failure that I’m so use to. 
  Recently, I left my job that I’ve been with for almost 2 years to work in fast food, because I needed to have a more “low key” job to balance the stress of work and school. While I still stand by my decision to change work places, it’s also making me feel a little discouraged. At my last job, I was one of the best employees and now I’m right back at square one, with a job I’m not even passionate about. 
   I guess I’m just trying to feel at peace with myself right now. I want to relish my success without fear of “fucking it up” but I also want to be realistic with myself, and be patient with my learning process in the new work place. I just feel like I’ve finally gotten a grasp on life, and I want to enjoy it instead of fearing all the “what if’s.” I want my success to continue, and not get blindsided by a mental shutdown.",6.5419230769230765,4.713097807692312,7.158538461538463,80.78646153846157,66.11538461538461,10.243076923076924,32.33846153846154,8.841846274778883,2.367471538461539,1164,36,254,15,15,387,157,312,0.081,0.733,0.18600000000000005,0.9871,8,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,15,18,19,1,3,17,0,14,6,0,2,5,47,41,19,0,6,9,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,13,1,2,8,0,0,4,5,6,0,4,6,6,31,13,45,33,7,50,0,2,1,3,4,19,1,5,29,163,44,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564737959043556,0.0,0.0,0.2051983788209538,0.07116900771805877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153679167829327,0.0,0.05213917038008006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975996670702052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714427591947981,0.07367775987045065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298541550581274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249329251600267,0.17298905877656995,0.12220735197258505,0.0,0.18739101791055213,0.0,0.14550599395962185,0.10342495364164833,0.09378080640610914,0.0,0.07907243566404037,0.04468664587458288,0.0,0.04860948696128357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422252122297667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057329919580545625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243837696342462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943907446025006,0.0,0.0,0.09293015702369327,0.0,0.1208267674365522,0.12535901989797762,0.0857249702145335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719546164618582,0.0,0.05709289864357469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619557171545719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827037733499314,0.0,0.0,0.06342047708560793,0.06596711738789574,0.08260679524502879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591663114013648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468275205803164,0.17872429534095022,0.0,0.080854854570235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054793628971975865,0.0,0.08445197586753088,0.0,0.0,0.14608676044995222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259687142938339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060539591637191775,0.0,0.06830551641293632,0.0,0.0979759725895884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403420300307446,0.0,0.09974813797604344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807023158045736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738717001015752,0.0,0.0,0.2017946313451956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717881871185397,0.0,0.0,0.08244925348108023,0.0,0.3113395255989213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015888288653106
bpd,spankusmankus,2019/10/03,"Seeking help on the topic of general mental health Hello all, I’m not formally diagnosed with anything but I do feel as though my mental health has been in a state of decline for about 2 years. I’ve had a fair share of pretty brief and not always healthy relationships, I’ve dealt with a food addiction, pretty intense feelings of isolation, and I just generally feel like I’ve been taking a lot of steps backwards. I never dealt with many of these things before attending music school, which I recently just dropped out of after two years to try and figure out my life. 

I have been to therapy in the past, but I’ve always felt discouraged from seeking a formal diagnosis for anything because I feel like the ways I feel are my fault. Like, “if I just ate healthier” or “if I just exercised more” I would be happier. My parents also haven’t been super helpful, as they mostly tell me that I just need a change in lifestyle and have never really been supportive of me going in for an assessment. I just generally feel embarrassed because I don’t want to seem like I’m making excuses for myself all the time, but I also want to know if I truly do have some sort of mental health issue that’s making it more difficult for me to live my life. What should I do? And what lead to y’all seeking a formal diagnosis?",7.605574660633486,6.694451886274514,8.16352941176471,71.47126696832579,63.470588235294116,11.453996983408748,34.51734539969833,10.727762888450028,3.646300150829563,1041,38,190,23,13,348,134,255,0.085,0.725,0.19,0.9812,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,2,10,11,0,1,12,0,19,10,0,3,4,55,39,17,0,8,15,1,7,4,0,2,8,0,0,0,8,10,2,1,10,1,0,5,6,4,0,1,8,7,27,7,35,28,7,24,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,9,12,134,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821683211986445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344065602662873,0.1804634050957305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784756112163839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322094058544554,0.0,0.09227540980811984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114716330847582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006545861011012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289865447625577,0.15494072189451827,0.10412048527441152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112743808358546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162959002984551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34580353294205096,0.0,0.0,0.14537159970469035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318435999716416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059596405996248575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531903463140268,0.21191542325908694,0.0,0.09575549958900366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219276608349652,0.0,0.0,0.14477058520784353,0.10994227964593424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278494433469023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040771969875607,0.16727296065909167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041103551730566,0.0,0.1035193236199312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064721762923964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947016109180447,0.0,0.1070725279217985,0.11642518466023373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974820729993784,0.0,0.0987207269005848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305770289690045,0.0,0.0,0.08153422989312853,0.0,0.0947823224718377,0.0,0.12401187650245002,0.0,0.0720434645294344,0.0,0.10654285414880538,0.0,0.06323289170486747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362440521316856,0.0,0.10593122143854564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792276958131282,0.08607551703912172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703346345419478,0.0,0.0,0.1396650574783891
bpd,Aestus74,2019/10/03,"I am freeing my ""FP"" from myself I have only recently (within the last year) began to realize that I may suffer from BPD. Recently I had a fight with my semi-bf and in that fight I realized I was splitting him. He was my FP. I care soo deeply for this beautiful man, but he was simultaneously manipulative and dismissive of me. He laid the claims against me that I have an anger issue (obviously :P) and that I felt entitled to sex. 

This latter claim made me disgusted with myself. But it was worse than he knew. I didn't feel entitled to sex, I felt entitled to HIM. And then it slowly dawned on me that this has been a pattern of behaviour with every person I have ever tried to be close with.

I broke up with him shortly after that fight (2 months ago), but we said we could still be friends. But truth be told I can't manage. My shittiness will prevent me from ever being happy for him in any other relationship. I know that when he starts dating another, I will irrationally feel rejected again, and I will fear abandonment, and well you know what the Jedi say what follows fear. I WILL NOT HURT ANOTHER LOVED ONE!

A few days ago he called me out on my absence. Today I finally admitted the truth to him about the full extent of my illness and the splitting I was doing with him. He thanked me as he felt how I was treating him, and now he knows why. I've told him that I can't be a good friend to him, and will likely only continue to bring pain into his life. I thanked him for the moments of bliss he helped me find, and now... I'm alone.

Everyone in my life has left. I have pushed them all away. And now I can isolate without hurting anyone else.",3.531963746223564,4.862174667673719,4.938554682779458,83.23748761329307,72.71601208459215,8.317148036253776,26.230936555891237,8.841846274778883,1.8770361570996976,1289,43,264,25,25,431,175,331,0.187,0.6679999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.9669,0,2,0,0,3,0,44.0,2,1,1,0,12,28,5,2,12,0,32,7,0,3,6,54,55,19,0,1,6,0,5,1,2,6,4,2,0,2,16,22,0,2,13,0,1,3,5,14,1,1,18,7,57,15,40,25,4,42,0,6,0,3,41,14,0,1,26,188,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515419390972447,0.0,0.0,0.11400713314078174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485650149282112,0.2308517957386185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769687749593761,0.11278744744868008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342147177127828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386388073924513,0.0,0.11240147510582214,0.0,0.112231387673472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788795809787138,0.0,0.0,0.07099090640750262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919556593042036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914287284059226,0.09274507452649544,0.10518380613953612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477356703428739,0.11131702273323013,0.0,0.3170751007822117,0.12058456383472367,0.10060887676350144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009126771977276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232781743199274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717958754532701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378265430629903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568056515170865,0.0,0.0,0.11489235206209293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148721058796394,0.0897278864418826,0.0,0.0,0.11959956861052325,0.0,0.1555020428764724,0.05377832550601621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934927699756398,0.1041580293176128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786284172597562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459138950777218,0.16743785795304342,0.11713026293569932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611546149125696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173765805536696,0.11818208191673213,0.0,0.0,0.10470894744592098,0.08753807749775956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791344893369062,0.0,0.08790806513566281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026892177403427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434063629608578,0.21036761227907225,0.0,0.07473542355432758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897292767671492,0.0,0.09932785781750174,0.0,0.0,0.10611081982873187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121784168076438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088632632185916
bpd,kemiller93,2019/10/03,"Just a joke Mainly venting. I’m 2.5 months post partum and have been UNmedicated for any MH diagnosed for about 18ish months. Yes, bad idea I know. But I’m in need of immediate help. My midwife can only prescribe one medication at a time and I usually take 3-4. I called to make a psychiatry appointment and apparently don’t have a referral in for that, only therapy. I have a therapy appointment next Friday at local MH center. They won’t take self referrals for psychiatry. So I have to wait until next Friday for a referral even. Then we all know how long it takes to actually see a psychiatrist. I have no idea what to do. I’m married and have my two children. I can’t exactly do a 72 hour old as I can’t be ohh of contact with them for that long. But I feel like I’m out of options? I had a huge breakdown last night and I’m not sure what else I can even do, but I need help. I need to be the mom and wife my family deserves. I need to be happy and okay.",1.1227611940298488,3.1364245970149303,4.004126865671644,84.25514552238808,81.63681592039799,7.801094527363185,23.482835820895524,8.697196308434329,1.7249122388059708,748,27,163,19,20,267,112,201,0.028999999999999998,0.863,0.10800000000000001,0.9234,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,2,0,6,6,0,0,10,2,20,2,0,2,3,31,38,15,0,4,5,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,10,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,2,20,5,24,32,2,23,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,15,101,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.12360015941540667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613193802661323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575432948277247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933221156271968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855543482391224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580669668546554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731312950318494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940210463629156,0.0,0.06404220550091548,0.09048466306599767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483003842232905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979268016576052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473284077524956,0.0,0.0,0.2859634440127946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921609892036374,0.10324336029800156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187881222452591,0.0,0.0,0.2241770913515257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454535040385974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759483913070874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834058530486047,0.20219477767364336,0.0,0.0,0.3756618833775829,0.0,0.0,0.26940492380175085,0.11886016648778833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290650360180048,0.0,0.08582689292550684,0.1926585789733104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130357042068927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009302088577426,0.0,0.13213215446294868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193738805230574,0.0,0.28569367290987224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896894431444702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385543104025101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372668415165697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949614350173606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,embodimentofstupid,2019/10/03,"How do I bring up that I may have BPD to my therapist? So I’ve been researching BPD for some time and I’m not self diagnosing or anything, but many things that people with BPD suffer/deal with, I do too.  I think they could be just traits that I have, and maybe not entirely BPD, but I’d still like to have a talk about it with my therapist but I’m just afraid they’ll think I’m silly, and I’m only 15 at the moment and I know you have to be at least 18 to be diagnosed. 
I’m really scared that they’ll just dismiss it as me convincing myself that I have it because I’ve researched it a bit? 
Any advice?",2.054427480916029,3.0811579923664136,3.841137404580152,90.8560572519084,75.94656488549617,7.682748091603054,21.496946564885498,8.238735603445708,0.7903581679389315,471,11,112,8,10,159,74,131,0.036000000000000004,0.893,0.071,0.494,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,3,0,8,5,0,2,3,0,15,2,0,1,0,23,24,11,0,1,9,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,15,3,13,16,3,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,73,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954975200079925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711393847721077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751833359933725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705407397841583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590870910312454,0.0,0.7194437540181109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402009959579655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898930379238186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848321990277353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976848891474753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478430311061413,0.14346924181020346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861147336392167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900467961730196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914860860903658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429751341955466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897927776118644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404618515405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478318978541052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33162082866709697,0.09487490016725472,0.18301044893934348,0.0,0.0,0.08327215142929534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_blueberet,2019/10/03,"Awful mental health, having to ask for reassurance My mental health these past few weeks has been the worst it has been in years. I don't have access to a therapist right now but I've been going through a DBT workbook and it helps sometimes. But even though I feel like I've made some progress in terms of communicating with my bf about how I feel and using the techniques that I've learned in the workbook, I still feel extremely awful. Even if nothing is wrong, I feel extremely anxious to the point that it gets difficult to do anything at all. I feel awful about having to ask my bf for reassurance that he still loves me, I wish he would give it to me without having to ask for it (he does that sometimes but mostly I have to ask for it) and I feel the beginnings of a split happening. I've managed to keep the splitting under control for a little more than a week now which is an achievement in of itself but I still feel extremely, extremely awful. 

Last night, I was talking to him about having an existential crisis and he responded with ""What's your existential crisis about /this time/?"" This made me feel incredibly awful, like I was being too much or that he was tired of just having to listen to me all the time. I communicated this to him and apologised but didn't give me the reassurance I needed then. I talked to another friend about the crises but I still replayed my bf's words again and again which led to a breakdown. In the morning, I asked him for reassurance and he did give it to me but then I just felt awful about having to ask. And now I feel terrible because lately I've been starting all the conversations. He's really busy and has a lot on his plate right now and I know it's wrong to expect him to be there for me in the way I want but I still can't help feeling bad.

I go through feeling anxious, depressed, nothing, worthless, suicidal several times a day. Is wanting reassurance without having to ask for it wrong? Will things get any better? I truly, truly can't see things getting better, I feel completely incapacitated, I haven't worked on the things I need to work on in a long time and I feel hopeless.",4.8980935960591125,5.9836609571428605,5.6230377668308735,80.54357142857147,69.19047619047619,8.459770114942527,28.768472906403947,8.74248658614541,2.12008866995074,1702,60,330,28,29,554,178,420,0.154,0.6759999999999999,0.171,0.726,0,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,1,0,7,25,21,0,0,24,6,33,4,0,6,3,64,78,25,1,8,14,0,14,2,4,2,3,1,0,0,25,13,0,2,16,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,12,16,45,11,58,62,11,49,0,3,1,1,40,16,0,5,31,237,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633263939482722,0.07144317989955412,0.0,0.1539413382881395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606748792519455,0.0,0.4458647858208306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056888040889699565,0.04153312161713079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051584714845835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143594301067313,0.0,0.07641672703583192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394001858617701,0.0,0.05868267956478838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962347115972779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000214174788275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447849871483034,0.0486740849056936,0.06541817126835046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263923115766389,0.0,0.1067897255119994,0.1960775661233131,0.07744287908657069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024960875564087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448439576745055,0.0,0.0,0.09133595739562564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060559561874184376,0.0,0.0,0.03744400426261625,0.05553732439086067,0.07685676443284407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657248771282334,0.0682869632867309,0.0,0.060295382712520475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792406888479356,0.06149251078353402,0.12893780276150388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373236718888777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008544640275543,0.10103921365113848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639380160073285,0.0,0.13075051554240813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504046561351115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440751710702299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436476153983162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637007539994546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542930192701048,0.0,0.0,0.07697066914406975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477015985633736,0.0,0.04822474549920253,0.0,0.2720547047084652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452622322526146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095251253178953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910743046453615,0.13579321174687564,0.0,0.0669401286572598,0.0,0.15891513100193647,0.07830862920653235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884486235621275,0.0,0.0,0.08037297970266641,0.054080644177144685,0.10930404259746772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834935588923224,0.13135517297680835,0.0,0.09920297762052688,0.0,0.0,0.04839958527238252,0.22347755868228525,0.0,0.04387528845186179
bpd,whatisallthis27,2019/10/03,"Dependent personality disorder and coping with it Hello All,
It's been a year since my therapist diagnosed me with DPD. Though I can look after myself physically, I can't do it emotionally. I have trouble making decisions ( which am getting better at with practice). I feel lonely and uncared for loads of times. Being an introvert, I have few friends. One of them is like a big bro to me and I have leaned on him for support during many times of hardship. I don't really show signs of dependency in my other friendships much. Sometimes I ask for validation and reassurance, but with this brother, it is all the time. If he does not reply soon, I get anxiety. Am constantly worried that am not important enough to him. How he got married and I want to make sure that I stay relevant in his life and am worried about how his wife would react to me. I was always like a child with him and I am worried that his wife may not see me the same way. So I have to work on this. Does anyone have any tips to cope with this anxiety? I feel so lost and sad. I need reassurance that I won't lose my bro/friend. 
I feel like a broken person and I don't want to be this way. Any help is appreciated. 

PS - I have a therapist and I will start discussing all this with her. Please do let me know what else I can do and tell me anything that helps. 

TIA.",2.4962078651685395,4.464477539325845,4.261109550561798,84.32739466292136,76.97752808988764,7.7458801498127325,24.608146067415728,8.59863814320734,1.6950999999999996,1041,36,215,22,24,351,148,267,0.11699999999999999,0.71,0.17300000000000001,0.9429,0,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,4,7,14,0,0,8,0,31,2,0,7,4,46,49,18,0,5,5,4,3,3,1,4,2,0,0,3,17,18,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,5,40,9,28,38,7,17,0,4,2,0,26,6,0,4,11,154,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729338216806294,0.0,0.0,0.15902996729323804,0.0,0.17889905144895712,0.0,0.0,0.08175870846411418,0.0,0.09622170123933384,0.0,0.10931180516806402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341322812960634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635752370944126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867936019910452,0.0,0.0,0.13400950695932173,0.0,0.2046487917003804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767825906864,0.13152815277308566,0.0,0.12081778056421813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736678309242065,0.08353331724336155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067641556114514,0.0,0.12218000655871095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351792557041684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674861724955585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426051754215993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956670289218516,0.08258963583493382,0.17137520140038315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818998944791883,0.1308124144215084,0.1276406186067727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610056638185507,0.11854654104909156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595546257814403,0.08670055846240532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923337316876745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419386950370574,0.0,0.12835172466817893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490700875112474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931763999585557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672396963441762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564468587370512,0.0,0.08276217154508933,0.12462958681093984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268839862930568,0.1102031647620828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220014099963648,0.0,0.0,0.2715246151254622,0.0,0.0,0.1148810709902886,0.0,0.20454480158910485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793421333560085,0.18562385365960304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512490596502446,0.3562378838372633,0.0,0.08306222744276258,0.0,0.0,0.0752977358792554
bpd,3lli3,2019/10/03,"Scared of ex. Is he going to hurt me? I don’t really know where else to put this but I was in a relationship with a man for two years. It was horrible for me. Upon exiting he told me he feels like he has BPD. I’d like to believe that not all people with BPD are like him, that he is uniquely bad.

He idealized me and then throughout the relationship began to realize that I had faults and hated me for them. He would suggest that I was abusive and dismissive because I would not do everything he wanted. He would lie incessantly and cheated on me multiple times. He accused me of cheating throughout the relationship and would break into my phone. My roommate said in talking to him about the relationship, it seemed he wanted a slave more than a partner. From what I’ve heard this is all very aligned with BPD.

I have also heard disturbing things from ex partners, like he liked to allude to their previous abuse during sex, that he would hide Lolita porn throughout their computers, that he would antagonize their families. He would spread STDs and lie about their origin. There’s so much more....

A month ago, he fell in love with another woman after 5 days of meeting her at friend’s farm we were working at. He subjected me to a week of emotional abuse. He was trying to punish me for not being the partner he wanted. I told him he was being abusive so he dumped me and immediately pursued her. Soon after, she left him, because he was out of control and was acting emotionally abusive and manipulative. His behavior on this farm caused all of his friends to drop him. The new woman? Dropped him. Me? I should’ve just stopped but I was so angry. I told him I reported him to a woman’s network or emotionally abusive men, I called him out on his lies. I told him he is exposed, that he isn’t going to get away with this anymore.

I once told him about an ex that got mugged and got his throat cut. He now thinks that I had something to do with that and that I’m sending a hitman to take him out. He told me that I should tell them to bring a gun and that he would hold still. He also asked me about a movie we watched in which a man has a fantasy about murdering his cheating ex. He asked me if I found that exciting or frightening.

He is blocked from contacting me but he lives near me and we go to the same school and I am so so scared he is going to come after me and hurt me so that I can’t “do it first”. I’m also scared he is going to hurt himself. Please help what do I do?!?",3.023421965882985,4.698417575150304,4.243559313749451,86.31577545334574,74.65130260521042,7.433422943447872,25.79798621633511,8.176038313617813,1.5208281049904682,1946,68,404,32,41,638,214,499,0.251,0.6779999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9990000000000001,0,0,1,1,2,0,50.0,3,0,6,4,20,27,8,4,19,0,42,4,1,4,3,69,77,31,1,14,10,4,1,5,5,9,0,3,0,9,26,29,0,4,6,1,0,11,6,17,0,2,24,5,70,10,62,42,7,51,0,3,1,3,103,19,0,4,23,268,96,4,0.0,0.44962710208073975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560650216552375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173681665144367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632043446231661,0.0,0.0,0.06272444550225774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825559975937415,0.0,0.05942303302131925,0.0,0.0528089538122372,0.07711008032108993,0.0,0.0,0.0712581837729812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23897373404057085,0.0,0.06458268725501921,0.0,0.0,0.06497252259289849,0.0,0.05448205197813219,0.0,0.0,0.07093735951185255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04078935353961916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283510363704172,0.2134345037232263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684270283439944,0.0,0.05962403865317883,0.0,0.03197979589934974,0.045183969450125684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379822310000302,0.0,0.06934753144168225,0.09772959952361723,0.0,0.03304416648318653,0.0,0.1797248314763938,0.0,0.10116947899249494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244373304740027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239341239447921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031230135140447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034759127941910696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871850683575723,0.0,0.0,0.1544974731863535,0.0,0.055848630562810565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708326584953868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048348718896852,0.0,0.046494131005086224,0.0,0.0,0.06108475230788873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735643807488068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043847797400881926,0.0,0.0,0.06942667426198526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358112610494046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051791676308765,0.0,0.0,0.2716162373630638,0.0,0.0,0.060162779886434786,0.0,0.18996510291644766,0.06400976560858393,0.0,0.05757807571603985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869095386732164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050947127255535,0.05287767511067838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047554188564303865,0.05083588038658831,0.05528103277968518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042018775446203006,0.04052639288544502,0.0,0.0,0.036880079195460616,0.0,0.0,0.3626137210284903,0.0,0.042940846476760566,0.0,0.061783539082156363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218574526488982,0.11191490091299232,0.0,0.05073326525879388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604487499715753,0.0,0.0,0.3594332198060945,0.0,0.0,0.04072926480005542
bpd,bpdick,2019/10/03,"Got my diagnosis So today I have been finally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after almost a year of my psychiatrist telling me I show traits, I scored 8/9 traits which led to the diagnosis. I knew I had BPD since I was 15 (I’m 17 now) and it is such a relief to finally be validated for how I feel. Now time to do intensive dbt in a residential mental health rehabilitation centre :)",3.227899999999998,5.97378770666667,6.474250000000001,65.34337500000001,78.6,10.683333333333334,28.04166666666667,10.411451182825502,4.025966666666666,318,14,56,13,8,117,59,75,0.038,0.851,0.11199999999999999,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,0,7,11,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,10,1,8,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454971437450145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30877649643975635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488371219917236,0.0,0.0,0.2809801129306989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396269457357947,0.0,0.0,0.5371321327109086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608069519871174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605987291516665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470684656180231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140684560921618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280286471939504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142848504645863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429575725731654,0.0,0.2323875739972246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787809992615912
bpd,capetownbrah,2019/10/03,"Coping skills needed for M26 partner of F26 with BPD Hi everyone!

I 26N am a medical doctor working in South Africa. My partner 26F is an American who is a writer artist with BPD. I only found out about 5 months into our relationship. 

I've been struggling to cope with my partners emotional needs. I can understand that she often can't control her feelings and when she expresses them I try my best to acknowledge and understand them. I've learnt that invalidating another's experience is one of the worst things you can do to someone when they are feeling sometbing very strongly.

At times however, I simply am at capacity and even though I would wish, I don't have the energy to validate or even acknowledge how she feels. This often worsens the mood swing. At those times, I often feel like a failure and sowmtimes even get defensive.

Work is emotionally taxing so I am often not far from my limit. I am going to therapy to seek out other support. I see some fucked up things every day and I am often hesitant to share with her since in the past she has not taken it well.

I care a lot about her and want to make this a sustainable relationship.

Do any ppl put there with BPD and without have any coping strategies for this kind of problem.

1. How can I tell her that I want to listen but I can't when I'm at capacity?
2. How can I deal with the hopelessness that comes when i can't seem to get through her black-and-white biases?

TLDR: need help coping with constantly affirming my BPD partner's feelings",3.8145547945205496,5.890219126712327,5.0487616438356175,79.66884109589044,73.48630136986301,8.507616438356164,27.775890410958905,9.174902378510234,2.5349165479452056,1203,47,222,28,25,398,167,292,0.083,0.8270000000000001,0.09,-0.6504,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,1,3,7,21,15,2,1,11,0,25,3,0,5,0,56,52,18,0,8,5,0,5,1,4,1,2,1,0,4,13,18,0,3,11,1,1,3,7,6,1,1,3,7,37,8,37,48,4,25,0,1,1,1,28,12,1,9,11,158,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594287722951762,0.10480939096959517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489446226073364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035490036735475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190870165937677,0.0,0.0,0.08610062242349192,0.0,0.10801363808988733,0.11210574097871766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446138866837656,0.10304711023527086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230608734331008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486724771422487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805395719683608,0.0,0.08421467760690741,0.09550933425556657,0.0,0.09777317187763714,0.0,0.0,0.25269609274403143,0.07140641279042438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095932587681918,0.0,0.09240489856350673,0.10444258974716356,0.0,0.05680556914884838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669963604763914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104085624032875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883196620252495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497643009216027,0.0,0.0,0.06671937526081914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006920890698321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978149704829797,0.0,0.0,0.22234155440123524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677307107867355,0.07601872821115914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541640782108504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564148136012293,0.0,0.10048032945270102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462413995230425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964956615313945,0.09099341851308763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268211930722266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468981650746525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449253326478547,0.0,0.0,0.11342543164449215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736329043654224,0.0,0.11430491785726435,0.0,0.13280860716637968,0.0,0.09820327322856932,0.0,0.11656674660606997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786149703988162,0.0,0.0,0.20810910752001896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247165783594723,0.11790968801908935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986971263606215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494096826535215,0.09635108417459336,0.0,0.14553388694898636,0.0,0.0,0.07100371319853667,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dollbitch69,2019/10/03,Spiraling when you don’t get attention from a specific person I can’t handle this. I feel like my BPD is getting worse everyday. I started talking to someone I like and when they don’t text me all day I can’t handle it. I feel like I don’t matter if I don’t get attention and it’s caused me to self harm. How do I deal with this? I know I’m being really stupid but I just can’t stop freaking out that I don’t matter to them at all. I hate caring so much. Every feeling is too much.,0.02868309260832547,1.8743712056074813,2.870926083262532,91.8048088360238,84.60747663551402,6.1338997451146975,20.00764655904843,7.348242739294969,0.5110261682242987,377,11,87,6,11,133,63,107,0.17800000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.136,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,6,8,2,0,1,0,12,0,0,2,2,20,23,8,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,3,19,4,7,22,4,8,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,9,58,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256452950060175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076047176079228,0.20917439096848264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131840729207764,0.20992384234479636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155909238703956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30886999905129164,0.2909331180039975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319149994028576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010331338345805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190452713989944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984361410353233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29936906090393184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779360706741118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304445359976971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242063784032075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252702815374718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412367073994106,0.0,0.0,0.17023589427808944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366248215170107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750673252665736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yeetawayayayayay,2019/10/03,"Temporary bliss For the first time in...since I can remember, I had a brief period over two days where I wasn't suicidal.

I just passed my theory test, and I was riding that high. Then someone complimented my art and I though, maybe I have a future. I'll get my license and I'll see my friends and I'll be okay.

But today it came crashing down because of a small mistake. Filling in my hours wrong at work (because I was never shown the correct way and have had to learn through being told off) has sent me crashing down and now all I can think about is my suicide again

Its weird but. Back to normal I suppose.",1.4955210918114157,3.76318098387097,2.78483870967742,92.08571960297769,81.90322580645163,5.750868486352358,23.248138957816376,7.010146845296331,0.770798511166253,478,17,101,6,13,154,86,124,0.068,0.8440000000000001,0.087,0.2948,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,5,1,13,0,0,0,3,18,19,10,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,1,0,6,2,3,0,2,8,1,17,3,12,9,1,28,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,0,12,69,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382199212195224,0.0,0.2438907305893586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879779348009036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901225356815638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015788184415145,0.0,0.0,0.1545540046694866,0.0,0.1045150760022817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113581618348212,0.0,0.0,0.19700368981982094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097174436010595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428677074572938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960012889671268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266115983980066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159409690629013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654790063008522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949718750415044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376327692878652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818053784699862,0.19654285842592292,0.0,0.11664764738565843,0.0,0.1896189428829544,0.19115124113281504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954145608770949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878613628775132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563489178315658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871742734144334,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chientze,2019/10/03,"I can’t seem to “look” for a job let alone get one, is this a very common trait for someone with BPD? The title may seem confusing, and right now and for about the past month or so, I got sick of sitting around at home doing nothing and letting my life go to shit while being content with it. 

I had a major breakdown the moment I got into my room after coming back from a night out a few days ago, I mean I was considering suicide because I couldn’t figure out what I had held against/towards working because I don’t work and don’t understand why I can’t just find a job and start living a somewhat stable life as time goes on.

I’m not a hands on person, I’m more of an “office” type of guy. I’m naturally built but I despise physically intensive work like carpentry etc. Is it some sort of anxiety? Like even just thinking about a job makes my mood unsettled. Whenever I work I’m also always inside my own head and I wonder when the shift is going to be over, even if its my first 10 seconds there. Am I just really, really fucking lazy or is there something that is rooted in much deeper?",5.184313186813185,4.951507678571435,6.3541071428571465,80.19666208791209,68.19642857142857,9.035164835164835,29.73076923076923,8.617729084823388,2.1237524725274723,856,28,174,12,13,289,146,224,0.113,0.851,0.036000000000000004,-0.9367,3,1,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,5,15,7,3,1,14,0,20,7,3,2,0,39,41,15,1,2,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,2,6,13,0,1,8,0,0,3,6,4,0,3,6,2,19,2,26,29,8,30,0,0,1,1,2,11,2,12,17,119,25,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678197663890114,0.0,0.0,0.12476193090001972,0.0,0.09633313090511132,0.10023373541668362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215282576082867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072363999734551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262756639008188,0.0,0.14686459671956995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171722006726662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376703744704303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768779299805377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434657247768828,0.15912755575598744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009975766337818,0.10246461042332007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136484614904993,0.06293623562936689,0.0,0.136922253408957,0.0,0.1926883576140952,0.0,0.0,0.11927596368956447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362839700299212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083284791412295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35861877391211816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463603792010947,0.17017123923473582,0.11770294622556902,0.0,0.10636983609397298,0.0,0.10115743952542257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040908086680422,0.0,0.0,0.1312180417512562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615133269388668,0.0,0.08855316673845125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130450899227932,0.0,0.11558619355071124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816279256142105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499426699535015,0.0,0.10518245862903976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434162383307612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287358334985901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932750775808124,0.0,0.0,0.12365214355895565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206675763258602,0.09273725657966354,0.0,0.0,0.08526336961779223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176548370128024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718695562027403,0.0,0.0,0.07024215168072813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540481674385964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939346971140492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869789452710343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306355112763057,0.35079003779022233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toscuttle,2019/10/03,What does a stable relationship feel like? Does the stability make it harder? How do you feel while in a stable relationship?,3.859848484848485,7.1584283181818185,5.506363636363638,68.64621212121216,84.0,8.387878787878789,20.96969696969697,8.841846274778883,2.3802242424242417,101,3,16,3,3,34,17,22,0.0,0.696,0.304,0.7536,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565017991568685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32154252522571714,0.2271522883141741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534028993081458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224226470902507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6827449050089401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leguinAnarchist,2019/10/03,anyone feel acomplished when you make it to the next morning like damn my brain was really wanting to just die last night but here we are to start it all over.,5.262812499999999,5.68564965625,4.662500000000001,90.1325,68.0625,7.65,25.375,7.1686216300943375,0.8617624999999998,127,3,27,1,2,38,29,32,0.12300000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.05,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,7,6,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,4,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521861911681312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026227558340393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743145711104546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236366624053865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939910884029016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620328612375935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074748742090815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835725926634265,0.3384607941143444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231052001476216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25528139089820073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127302677986017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ju_lie_,2019/10/03,"Do i have BPD? Hi! Recently I was told (by my psychologist and lady to do my diagnose) that I have BPD or at least I’m really close to having it. But they can’t tell me exact diagnose since I’m only 16 years old. So my question is, is it possible to have BPD even tho I’m not an adult/my brain isn’t fully developed yet? Thanks!",-1.2795833333333348,0.7509946527777771,2.4596666666666667,90.25200000000002,95.52777777777777,6.768888888888887,16.92222222222222,7.908726449838941,0.7914788888888893,253,7,59,7,10,93,50,72,0.0,0.938,0.062,0.6258,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,11,3,1,0,1,7,16,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,5,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6981038715672468,0.20625551367757455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750591128859143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203356865383624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387665486853384,0.0,0.0,0.14051983842333454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829141138480506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697574204573926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183632781808098,0.0,0.18243020037311347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528370484346549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149014519387436,0.17010404024048453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765480235374727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898068027082476
bpd,ericdmmsg,2019/10/03,"Markers of Success Its that pervasive feeling of disbelief. I look at my surroundings and find myself confused. I survived a tough start with an NPD/BPD mother. I did two engineering degrees in four years. I have a job, a girlfriend, and friends. People think I'm funny, energetic, smart, and kind. What they don't know, however, is that I am constantly fighting the hateful, raging, violent monster within. No one takes it seriously because my life doesn't ""seem"" bad. I can't explain it in a way they'll understand. I lose control sometimes, get angry, or freakout. But only sometimes. Not enough for anyone but my poor girlfriend to know. Not enough to take away anything from my life or cause ""big"" consequences, always in private. And they are... intense.

Please tell me what is left for someone whose bpd doesn't take away from ""success"" in life, but is a constant torture inside. Please tell me the feelings will calm down, and leave me be. There is another monster in me, even bigger than bpd, telling it ""shut up, we've got more important things to do"". Please tell me this goes away and gets better, because I'm running out of energy. BPD's overwatch, its wrangler, is running out of energy.",4.5926099495313615,6.923676922374432,4.854121605383323,80.79058399423216,72.01369863013699,7.350252343186735,32.53088199951935,8.20500826718156,2.7127936073059367,942,46,160,15,19,296,140,219,0.13,0.691,0.179,0.8925,2,0,0,0,2,0,51.0,0,0,3,6,2,17,5,1,8,0,17,3,0,2,0,28,36,11,0,0,7,1,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,12,9,0,1,9,0,1,2,7,10,0,3,2,3,20,7,27,31,3,26,0,1,1,0,14,19,0,4,4,105,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018010205416623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104294910311364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737787753277788,0.0,0.07929692290754584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716030986439381,0.0,0.0804574408400547,0.11748158745323055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522350647508274,0.0,0.0,0.4854534109817504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898932880461447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826409608896093,0.10807709667128468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913342017164945,0.0,0.06364555609498629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744607120214233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880722420339856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444829810443616,0.0,0.10068932928998192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706872398759401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513657428921024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562346040907756,0.0,0.0,0.10034519153508477,0.10591501168463294,0.0,0.0,0.10203242468202084,0.10469654858176038,0.0,0.20418795037125784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091900188064335,0.10780335213499602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529673247244762,0.07328691078599874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680461002676899,0.0,0.0,0.31732644564496365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772346896093927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164639389421019,0.0,0.19060705895409585,0.0,0.06820483791227414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173545224951614,0.0,0.3368951742738733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401799118487783,0.061744261581753376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413073128216196,0.1003152378069815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648690588433528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620533484673961
bpd,alverty12,2019/10/03,"The more I try and get better, the worse I feel? So I've had BPD symptoms for years and finally in January had a breakthrough with doctors and therapy which diagnosed me as BPD.  

I'm a pretty high functioning person most of the time ( I hide my feelings from work, close friends etc, and I don't think anyone really notices ) however despite even finding a therapist and starting DBT methods **I truly feel like the more I try and get better the worse I feel.** 

I feel like I'm living two lives at the moment and I don't know if it's because I'm constantly 'splitting' - I manage to go to work however in the evenings I am very drained and have bad depressive episodes with sometimes intense hour periods of wanting to kill myself, ( which I manage to always get out of ) I've treated my now ( ex) boyfriend awfully through this and I really feel like giving up. 

The more I try and focus on myself the more layers I find to get upset with and how I hate not just being like everyone else. I just want to have a constant rather than being like this. 

Is it normal to get worse first? 

Thank you for the hopeful safe space to rant.",2.9136877828054324,5.014412438914032,4.096875565610862,85.37128619909505,76.19457013574659,7.1349321266968335,27.339592760181,8.07648339933343,1.8980803619909508,883,36,169,15,20,288,126,221,0.138,0.688,0.17300000000000001,0.6737,2,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,5,8,17,2,1,14,1,10,3,0,1,0,38,34,15,1,6,5,1,6,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,16,0,1,10,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,2,6,23,12,26,30,6,21,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,3,16,108,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841535177839729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071686453292994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444460040737345,0.0616517602606437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889370764128998,0.0,0.0,0.2547553021742525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185848591480402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710856182041153,0.10265123307003554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351730618181172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448641550399875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279372787233405,0.13359916736179733,0.0,0.0,0.0966400852001794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30682536474004163,0.21675541567824086,0.0,0.11078989200443058,0.1848735233904896,0.08602649975720138,0.0,0.0,0.07813766780049446,0.0,0.26419775748528473,0.0970191711132942,0.05747809976038476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985117493296217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685607190632017,0.0,0.1004511830276836,0.09959890009664643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189235040589336,0.0,0.05558187499793362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24705047999165836,0.0,0.17861044200738233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909211759690953,0.0,0.11514436747578467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830833118215395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289199376957593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295810291021255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002640377414443,0.0,0.07158480587024038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511935799017164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311273279842744,0.11565819285230455,0.11742705936708372,0.0,0.06480406836559231,0.0,0.0,0.058973399884534164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599476187942295,0.0,0.09879548623697698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344805355400604,0.119305640489555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725688691986252,0.0,0.3091996426768516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512847240177272
bpd,Phinke,2019/10/03,"DAE find it easy to sniff out compulsive liars/manipulators as well? I find that in my circles of friends including current ones and past ones, I’ve always been the first one to find out who the snake/bad apple in the group is. Don’t get me wrong, I suffer from a lot of the manipulation/lying side of things with BPD but I am aware of others who exhibit similar traits more easily, I feel, than others around me. This includes people who don’t have the disorder/just are shitty in general. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s like you know what makes them tick because it’s very similar/alike to certain manipulative traits, tactics, and actions you perform/act out on when you lose it. I could be talking out of my ass too. Who knows at this point. It’s 5 AM and I can’t sleep.",2.64423180592992,4.5587277672956015,4.053122192273136,86.23202830188679,76.35849056603773,7.310152740341421,24.564690026954175,8.192908349453996,1.4020274932614556,621,21,130,11,14,205,106,159,0.111,0.792,0.09699999999999999,-0.6267,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,1,2,5,7,0,0,6,0,12,2,2,3,1,24,18,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,17,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,3,1,4,1,2,15,4,23,15,2,17,0,2,0,1,11,12,1,1,5,87,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846510908685506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883737899177058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897864214613116,0.1087671145963232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472188164995754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245901050070384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905241307152362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902177798510283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892356589518764,0.1517694566684607,0.0,0.0,0.1378518412453367,0.0,0.09322046164783272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941755503080733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717015622823288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961357025759974,0.0,0.15169179664258753,0.0,0.0,0.11910104829313585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362719163277745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703282465015856,0.12369844214501985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867067827511326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855531856338885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341243076362747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853861246476614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722051674399222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042681669178546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950813253654482,0.0,0.0
bpd,grizzlywabbit,2019/10/03,"Anyone else pregnant or have children? Currently 20 weeks pregnant and on a course to help with my BPD. I can't help but feel worried about how i will cope with a baby and this disorder, but i'm really putting my all into this therapy so that i can be the best version of myself for my daughter. I'm generally a quiet borderline so maybe i'll be ok? Pregnancy is hard because i can't rely on drink or drugs to cope, so instead i have been binge eating. 

Anyone want to share their experiences?",4.243549783549781,5.32960792929293,5.7782395382395375,78.82545454545458,70.71717171717171,8.889466089466088,30.304473304473305,9.23628265651192,2.6722109668109666,391,16,75,8,7,133,69,99,0.084,0.75,0.166,0.8177,1,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,4,1,10,3,0,1,1,14,14,10,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,10,3,11,10,3,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,2,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051631989392433,0.22358793083167194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302235969902562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290040767974244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748352301523041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25009427497210945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376846209141764,0.2530611126559417,0.2232892971406412,0.18229134586492204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345697836496627,0.0,0.0,0.11033649285568782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547854396712372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29253097540167816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192271563827697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936720572932095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979466434145307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495488477002959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287093649575426,0.0,0.17503959616848108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160879303118627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mirilea09,2019/10/03,"Why...bPd...we all have been here before I'm 29, almost 30...
It is around that time in life where you look at your twenties and appreciate them and reminisce on them.....not me. I was diagnosed with some shit called BPD (borderline personality disorder)....the fuck? 

Where do I start? I guess I am a fucking insane stuck in this life.  Hoping to escape.....but I wake up every...fucking...day. 

I am torn by my thoughts and emotions, by my triggers and the past. They hold me close to their heart, hoping not to loose me. They know me best, they know my weakness, it knows how to reel me in...how to consume my every move. It drifted in to my life....exposing me to risk and sadness that I never asked for that I never knew could feel so deep.... Who would ask for this deep emotion that is so unforgiving of our lives? I didn't know...this could possibly exist. 

Reading and researching is not better. All these diagnosis, all these opinions that are fucked on their own, all these forums...where is the real BPD and not just some text I read online... where in this world are the people who are diagnosed with BPD....I need an experienced friend. Just one.....


Who are you? Do you know what caused this diagnosis for you? Is yours worse than mine? Is there a measurement?

Seriously....fml....I just want to be okay...  not for me....for my family. Where is the namaste???????",0.7645173745173749,3.3102286949806974,2.1747490347490377,91.93849420849425,92.16602316602317,5.425482625482626,18.583011583011587,7.001395882987947,0.3785660231660231,1028,30,213,17,37,330,143,259,0.125,0.8029999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9334,0,0,0,0,0,0,106.0,1,6,6,2,13,13,4,1,7,1,23,11,3,3,6,48,44,10,0,7,7,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,19,11,0,1,7,2,0,2,7,7,0,1,6,3,36,6,27,34,8,24,0,1,1,3,21,17,4,7,5,146,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251368132495868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113537196103758,0.19141343687650866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711350557957998,0.0,0.10743614885527647,0.09054228582333168,0.0,0.0,0.5157504461972827,0.0,0.10453622623671133,0.0,0.0,0.1051672299438611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347606581767707,0.0,0.0,0.06602334574325791,0.0,0.0,0.20781675123825105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303159821540499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625527453189256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650995117597427,0.0,0.05176382899549389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909459918788111,0.2839318555925889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277750189761836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131475769810275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033627642895388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813128577306124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169312731763744,0.0,0.0,0.09039891846666297,0.0,0.08596913809170759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108808324543473,0.0,0.07590969634471909,0.15791567896571285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937188645926617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772843268332668,0.07097387030335815,0.08938981999868352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154123255178368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480522218580546,0.11652505687310748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508637085741916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246148608767553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127424076130696,0.05969563154256757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060383372584580014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432877635493357,0.0727241966455169,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sippinoncokeNRum,2019/10/03,"Miss my best friend Over a year later and it still aches. It’s not the same obsessive pain it used to be. Losing an FP is devastating, and really difficult to get over, but I feel I’m over the worst of it. When I lost her, I lost a part of myself too. My heart was so deeply intertwined with hers that I don’t know how I couldn’t have left pieces of me with her when I destroyed our friendship. I used to joke that when our souls were put together, they were made of the same cloud fluff. I have years of good memories, and a few months of fuzzy bad ones. The ones where I became extremely clingy and codependent. My BPD was triggered by a massive amount of abandonment that followed my coming out. Destroying my closest friendship was my retaliation to all the pain. “Wtf was I thinking,” repeats through my head like a broken record I have become used to ignoring. I know those thoughts only lead me to bad places, so I try to distract myself when I rehash the past. I fight especially hard when I catch myself day dreaming and reminiscing of a time when things were good. When we held each other up through hard times, and laughed through the rest. I don’t know that I will ever forget her, or ever stop missing her. I am convinced that I will take this tiny sliver of hope with me to the grave. It’s become my lucky penny I keep in my pocket, that probably wasn’t lucky in the first place. I cant get rid of it, can’t completely accept the fact that she is gone forever. Part of me has moved on, but another very small part of me thinks that maybe someday when we are old, she will reach out. 

How do you fully reach acceptance without suppressing your denial or hope. Dissociating really gets in the way of healing and moving on, and I can never trust myself that I am better or moved on until I have a trigger that drenches my brain with a chemical overload that usually presents as anxiety or obsessive thoughts from things I can’t control. I guess I just keep reminding myself of where I used to be, and where I am now. 

That lost FP feeling is intense, and lasts a long freaking time. So, have patience with yourselves. Grieving is a journey. It does get better, and it fades over time. If anything it’s been a huge motivation to take care of myself so I never do this to myself or another person again. 

Tired of the cycle.
The cost is too great.",5.136839452843773,5.814197086393089,5.54217494600432,82.81638696904251,68.41684665226782,8.765125989920808,29.04024478041757,8.841846274778883,2.103811864650828,1853,63,371,30,30,593,230,463,0.2,0.637,0.16399999999999998,-0.9671,1,0,1,0,1,0,47.0,4,2,1,11,25,42,3,3,25,0,38,7,3,12,6,78,74,35,2,4,11,0,4,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,27,22,0,8,12,2,1,10,11,23,0,3,17,4,67,19,53,51,13,68,1,9,0,0,17,22,0,11,36,272,94,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720323587281252,0.06275314280358175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750414951639137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369841582000765,0.0,0.18119258545223016,0.0,0.0,0.08608599665208996,0.14509870276082773,0.0,0.0,0.10331460048065713,0.09157321794259088,0.0,0.0,0.08363560821791838,0.0,0.0,0.07066205149388739,0.08600746629259938,0.0,0.09200423201165144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052902915649649496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178548318809037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148402649539932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295421712496708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977514012317093,0.0,0.0,0.06337659599152623,0.0,0.17143029741572258,0.0,0.0,0.13760665935671856,0.0,0.09043896604096728,0.0903658941076482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696651270881214,0.0,0.08418700552755462,0.0,0.0,0.09720659141567016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294968157665116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582503588733456,0.0,0.0,0.13524552761888015,0.06686584307866472,0.0,0.0,0.08912642773734605,0.0,0.0,0.040075981023444084,0.0,0.0,0.07259445144402549,0.0,0.09177119784803743,0.2686380917761433,0.0,0.0,0.07761928559685276,0.0,0.0,0.08241070864039123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547599882562638,0.26155646387660625,0.0,0.0,0.12653402747214365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607725851154807,0.0,0.11117204123774313,0.06238792631412088,0.17457256805651075,0.0,0.0,0.26649326097463555,0.07830743765884413,0.0,0.07162590829185016,0.17140892153611725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844280226735703,0.0,0.0,0.08246335524715448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510173595838553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550969962406859,0.06858120914842789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335352282361192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089948989249314,0.10512372265575606,0.0,0.13024618050119924,0.19133068308471785,0.09428204490692044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569335578898275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833922141876644,0.09034505671399122,0.06768379099661354,0.0,0.06511202883474054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907451862484308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564996368950487
bpd,way-tootired,2019/10/03,"experiences with prozac? hola. so i’m currently on a daily 40mg dose of fluoxetine (prozac) that was prescribed to me by my psychiatrist to treat my depression. my therapist is currently looking into officially diagnosing me with bpd, as i’ve only recently started seeing her and discussing my past history. from what i’ve been telling her, she doesn’t think that the fluoxetine seems to be helping at the current dose and may actually be making me feel worse, as i’ve had an increase in impulsivity, recklessness, and suicidal ideations the past month or so. 

just wondering if anyone else has had experience being on prozac and how that’s affected your mood/behavior?",8.60142857142857,9.338086621848742,9.285378151260506,58.76991596638658,60.932773109243705,13.522689075630252,41.369747899159655,12.785403640627713,6.072021848739498,544,29,84,20,7,184,87,119,0.107,0.8340000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.7941,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,11,6,0,3,0,18,20,11,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,11,1,15,12,1,14,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,5,8,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.19151250246501103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722314476190445,0.20108216918802024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471710527609825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903055399348862,0.19919046338653987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394238774148445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839419424679217,0.0,0.0,0.09923031731405683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154279586929385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480127180697413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099895424249872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664554172415251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925760110278827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374687250690676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377402067856547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563865043870899,0.17865938674585474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890734895508006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146665573595774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153187723404073,0.0,0.0,0.2278623419310479,0.0,0.12574960885534028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282565575494736,0.0,0.0,0.1999963639395481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heldyourcourse,2019/10/03,"Loved ones and drinking Does anyone else here get triggered by their significant others/loved ones drinking? My parents drank when I was a kid so the idea of a loved one ""disappearing"" from me when they get drunk and are acting inebriated is very triggering to me.",5.470625000000003,7.825428145833335,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,69.625,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.3849416666666667,213,8,37,4,4,66,39,48,0.046,0.769,0.185,0.802,1,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,2,0,5,8,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,6,2,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251388216286294,0.2381423629751047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339282654988208,0.0,0.0,0.4553673939612586,0.0,0.0,0.19415758128226876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24286033330939194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26237455834068496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195373176582157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472482625242314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807556259273823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177132967597846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gabybella89,2019/10/03,"Trichotillomania (hair pulling) when stressed/anxious/down First off I want to apologize in advance if this post doesn’t follow rules and guidelines. I’m new to this and although I’ve read the rules quite a few times I have trouble concentrating lately. 

Secondly I would like to add that I was not diagnosed with OCD but I do have BPD therefore this is why I am posting this here. I hope that’s ok. 

I’ve done a bit of reading on trich and understood that it is considered a type of OCD (I’ll have to discuss it with my psychiatrist when I see her). 

A bit about me: I’m 30 F, general anxiety and depression diagnosed in 2010, PTSD (from a school shooting in 2006) and BPD diagnosed in 2015. 

The first time I remember pulling my hair I must have been maybe 12 years old. It wouldn’t be frequent. I just did it at one point and noticed the “bulb” or root and I was curious about it. I may have done it a few times here and there but never so much that you could notice it. 

Many many years later, well in my twenties, it became brows/lashes. I’ve had times when I had half my eyelashes missing. It made me feel very insecure but it would happen from me feeling an eyelash bugging me and I’d keep rubbing my eyes or picking at the lashes til I got the one lash that was hurting. Then I’d feel pretty bad about it and be real self conscious about it. They’d grow back and I’d be relieved and even though it might happen again at some point it was never that bad.

Now I’d say for the past 2-3 years my hair pulling has become extreme. I actually pull my hair. A lot of it. From my scalp mostly. To the point that I have actual bald patches now (the hair never really gets the chance to grow back since I’m constantly picking at it). I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse. I’m ashamed. I hate it. I know the hair pulling is triggered by strong emotions like anxiety or stress. I can’t stop it. I’ve had a few periods where it wasn’t so bad or I had actually stopped for the most part but for the last year or so it seems like I can never get through more than one day without pulling my hair and I feel defeated. 

I’m on sick leave from work right now (since mid sept) because my bpd symptoms are worse than ever. I was over stressed, over worked, feeling depressed and my insomnia was at it’s worse. My family doctor made me go through the ER at the hospital to see a psychiatrist ASAP, and that psychiatrist sent my DR’s referral to see the psychiatrist I saw in the past (who had diagnosed me) and she said it could take about a month before I get a call. So I’m waiting for that now. 

I want the hair pulling to stop so bad. If I could I’d do anything to stop it now. It’s so hard. In a sense I get relief from whatever emotion I’m feeling, but then the guilt and the shame sets in. Not to mention the pain and irritation I get from it. It burns and sometimes bleeds and my scalp gets all red and swollen. It’s horrible. 

I’m sorry for the somewhat long post. I’m just really trying to let it off my chest because I can’t speak to anyone IRL about it. I don’t even know if I’m alone in dealing with this or if I’m not even supposed to discuss this in this forum. I’m just having a hard time dealing with this, let alone everything else I’ve been dealing with lately.",2.1855004080799816,3.8666477204142033,3.5484166496633343,90.38133136094677,76.9733727810651,6.9105896755764125,25.26463986941441,7.753152298057669,1.198389798000408,2553,92,564,38,58,836,280,676,0.177,0.754,0.069,-0.9978,0,2,0,1,0,0,67.0,0,1,1,8,37,27,1,6,35,1,53,25,13,7,8,102,104,50,0,14,22,0,18,3,0,6,12,3,0,1,47,27,0,6,14,2,0,13,15,18,2,7,25,27,58,9,68,64,14,94,0,5,6,0,18,28,0,19,52,356,105,7,0.0,0.0,0.17021840065696106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043783329672855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895892029516032,0.06568537147785437,0.0,0.04065514249956512,0.0,0.047846976168327414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941720698848671,0.194188884677258,0.07088722372803563,0.06421469924530603,0.04947566005148892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695483437205513,0.0,0.21968832712296912,0.0,0.05937080316011777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283224415848372,0.0,0.13926806535574873,0.0,0.0,0.037497614034959104,0.1798295466561526,0.10015746645814362,0.2360568747374274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951212432549152,0.0,0.11900155171366053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485712606784636,0.13080675793799806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520929037488427,0.10518787491914997,0.0,0.0,0.05225544282082992,0.0,0.0548123222019384,0.0,0.1763939762937141,0.0,0.055826679551408916,0.0,0.0,0.0989133109751839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822648255050079,0.0,0.03304417343439372,0.0,0.046502503057491436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283184429908436,0.0,0.1041699403888236,0.057404464585081486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057749409383651175,0.0,0.0,0.062243597911477176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168043051303504,0.0,0.0,0.06390806672096618,0.04739454423439747,0.1311763345309637,0.061565352262776776,0.0,0.118910913237299,0.0,0.08521762836899943,0.0,0.0,0.051454984813217614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049431348648988994,0.0,0.11003317973077834,0.0,0.11789634669429168,0.05841275300230703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061680845769516,0.0,0.0,0.04640942190741125,0.0,0.04274201055003595,0.0,0.17937476852358664,0.05615515487975235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239304934314414,0.061011605451557226,0.0,0.11819820068383324,0.0,0.0618685633645037,0.0,0.0,0.06296352050563978,0.11100870480727136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489261692226115,0.0,0.16705560776497674,0.0591526320686713,0.0,0.0,0.06796639828805154,0.0,0.0,0.06184254931035728,0.1163180551881014,0.0661797968406597,0.07449616492730743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586501683023842,0.04965405469740717,0.055307586506868574,0.046237880448113576,0.0,0.05884411683375969,0.1389980305122203,0.0529314704136856,0.06065613538153774,0.0,0.0,0.09619346593120044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750520368819854,0.06508665646822342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944415863752563,0.13320589181417988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043314429704625,0.04371652045914187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03725587455490029,0.05712549035266175,0.0,0.1695191091845653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03947547945215694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047974306142626925,0.06858884153222204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052277803309455376,0.0,0.0524652784960969,0.0,0.0,0.05604805978995594,0.0,0.08465801985580929,0.0,0.17775894925302332,0.08260665454369315,0.0,0.0,0.14976949805460274
bpd,wiccaspit,2019/10/03,"Going to see a therapist for a diagnose I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life, but despite this I’ve never felt like I could relate to people who suffer from the same things. I could in some ways, but I still felt crazy and misunderstood. I’ve spent hours doing online mental health screening tests trying to figure out what is wrong with me because I know something is off. I think I have BPD because I relate to the symptoms but mine are more internalized? 

I grew up in an emotionally unavailable family so I’ve taught myself to shove all my emotions inside, and I usually don’t react on them. I feel like I’m a “functioning” BPD. I say “functioning” because I have no long term relationships and no long term goals, but I can appear pretty put together for the most part (even to people who have known me for awhile). But I don’t have normal friends. Only one best friend who I see everyday. Every friend I’ve had in my life I’ve ended the friendship because I decided I hated them. Most of these friends were people I had adored a year before. Probably because I assume most people will leave me eventually since they secretly hate me. Once I cut off a relationship, I don’t even feel bad. When friends are upset, sometimes I’ll genuinely feel bad with them but sometimes I’ll feel incredibly annoyed at them for being upset and only comfort them so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. 

Generally, I’m a pretty easy going person who doesn’t get easily upset, but when someone says one little thing I’ll get extremely sad or angry. Usually when this happens, I’ll leave to be alone but I’m prone to snapping at people and saying really mean things I don’t mean. 

I’ve never had an addictive personality, but I’ve self harmed for about 8 years now (probably my only addiction). I’m extremely impulsive; driving recklessly, having unprotected sex with strangers, getting wasted never just having one drink, and following people I just met to random places. 

I always feel like my most genuine self when I first meet someone because there’s no risk involved. I’m not attached yet so there’s nothing to lose, so I can share what I want. After a few months though, I shut down. I won’t necessarily push them away by being mean but I won’t be open about my emotions and I’ll get annoyed when they try to get closer to me. I’ve always felt like I’m the only one I can rely on. 

As an example of my erratic moods, today my friend got mad at me for not being as empathic as I should’ve been when she was upset (rightfully so). After she expressed her anger, I got so sad and cried. I felt like the biggest piece of garbage in the world and like she didn’t deserve me as a friend. I contemplated killing myself. Or driving for hours to another state. But then, after about 30 minutes of crying, I decided I didn’t even care. If she didn’t want to be friends that was fine by me. I’d find new friends. And I thought my life would be better without her because I’ll have more time for myself. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just tired of feeling this way all the time and destroying all my relationships.",4.423997466521897,5.789558754071662,5.509509229098806,79.8643905175534,70.57980456026058,8.45452044878755,28.302424900470506,8.904972459349038,2.264722446615997,2481,90,468,46,45,821,271,614,0.226,0.645,0.129,-0.9969,0,1,2,0,0,1,60.0,0,0,8,5,28,48,9,5,19,0,46,11,0,1,6,85,92,44,1,7,20,0,10,6,9,4,9,3,0,4,16,19,1,0,24,1,1,9,21,25,0,5,20,16,77,22,63,59,18,69,0,6,3,1,44,23,0,11,40,301,93,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023552216542685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057115082028286274,0.0,0.0,0.09177251392354853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782585214956128,0.04218687675398322,0.0,0.054690451610923785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051811897036376516,0.0,0.09208995025672123,0.2353173119285888,0.0,0.04692555993235646,0.0,0.05787278801912444,0.04877254601967522,0.0,0.0,0.13891002498493912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056225472358849934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805989235533003,0.0,0.12115155287404147,0.0,0.056853559645556336,0.04749754919958022,0.05597247723126919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054022518135057034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609697231291564,0.048843378778847917,0.0,0.0,0.10927111340454357,0.0,0.0464632553540236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198715707565965,0.0,0.167302186522891,0.07879325755737801,0.21179692757107635,0.0,0.050402848407961685,0.04690753491154406,0.0,0.0,0.3834540346919501,0.0,0.14405869781718306,0.0,0.06268198703350737,0.0,0.08821129387492566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876581603549738,0.0,0.0,0.1088913878245879,0.0,0.058618088479678226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861627281409267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610113668208359,0.0,0.06061408401534776,0.0,0.0,0.11678423792050566,0.0,0.0,0.11685468737497948,0.16165059437958607,0.05527122180609522,0.0,0.09760573062222223,0.0,0.06169476205038114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021192436224728,0.0,0.0,0.05557464238325892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044017363424274425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759700591078055,0.053260776775453614,0.0,0.0,0.0540318039064092,0.0529144978629471,0.0,0.0,0.058729160341255665,0.1494746236651503,0.16776541481521975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971822209071548,0.0,0.22938959343169066,0.09630349112420612,0.05761629397599369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220751288234837,0.11891438204803145,0.0,0.0,0.05543740518973781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03532822248747215,0.0,0.0,0.17761992035917407,0.0,0.047094759668952935,0.0,0.1315639909314029,0.0,0.0,0.0878891479769073,0.0,0.11505953081371048,0.0,0.0,0.045617706221180505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345080173884104,0.04245442482667505,0.10908248133666763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044040019364150515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731826784444177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402926891559757,0.10991053584721393,0.03533561295471219,0.05418109871438509,0.04378011458071169,0.06431266695131728,0.06338272205826068,0.0522723783745665,0.0,0.0,0.07488162765137077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214720284163116,0.0,0.06505359990471367,0.0875453567082928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061569032467256264,0.0,0.05315920163629482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039174449765474975,0.12058795334768667,0.0,0.07102500047180982
bpd,mamasllama,2019/10/03,"Need advice on how to not feel rejected. My boyfriend is going through stressful stuff right now and has been acting quiet and distant. He’s the one who’s always very loving and expressive and texting constantly so this change has me freaking out really badly. 


All I want to do is push him away/ignore him because it feels like he’s rejecting me, but I don’t want to do that because he’s always there for me when I need him and so understanding. I want to do the same for him. 


I logically realize he’s not pulling away because he doesn’t love me, it’s because he needs time to think out his problems. But emotionally I am in panic mode and I want to communicate this to him but don’t want him to have to worry about me right now. How can I calm down?",4.498311688311689,5.0337310389610375,5.587428571428571,82.43257142857144,69.77922077922078,8.757402597402598,29.03636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.092022857142857,596,21,124,10,10,198,85,154,0.124,0.731,0.145,0.1318,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,2,2,0,14,2,0,2,1,32,29,14,0,9,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,5,7,0,1,1,3,21,4,19,28,2,17,0,2,0,2,17,8,0,0,6,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003214345547418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384759334925249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692721378878561,0.0,0.11965040464646465,0.3494199997047409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159352707105536,0.0,0.0,0.15485754400212556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119441175828084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491464964344256,0.10237431037666682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144129833598453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000966256339625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258669614312879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187677746354317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710451116574434,0.0,0.0,0.16813292532905036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711976718929125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918023324864998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447566552228409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164150887249278,0.0,0.164045436400181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182153702278917,0.0,0.0,0.08356000413907054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918146377129418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823838737503045,0.4226134084451907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455291887971453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,project_defiance,2019/10/03,Does it ever get better? I suppose the better I understand it the better I can manage it over time. But does it ever stop being a rollercoaster all the time? Like will my personality not be in flux all the time? Will it ever feel like there's only one of me?,0.9379874213836494,3.2596907547169844,3.6625471698113214,84.53709119496857,84.84905660377359,5.79748427672956,16.38050314465409,7.1686216300943375,0.20815974842767293,202,4,40,3,6,71,34,53,0.037000000000000005,0.7140000000000001,0.249,0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,5,10,8,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,5,3,4,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193125347206492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425631474413429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311374576440951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896519619922198,0.1398270462940092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225901470855872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124415670810976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262933765485302,0.14885881832477188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090082488204175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363611288693092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423890776140776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375818273361607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luvhley25,2019/10/03,"My therapist told me a metaphor today that I really think will resonate with some of you Today we were talking about how I have problems regulating emotions, and I tend to overreact because I want people to hear me and acknowledge me. Personally when I have fits of rage, I want to be seen and heard. It’s like a child throwing a temper tantrum to get mommy’s attention.

She told me that it’s like when you and someone else are standing side by side in front of a house. You start to smell smoke and you turn to the other person to tell them you think there’s a fire, they say “no, no, there’s no fire.” You then start to see the smoke and you turn to them and say “no look, there’s definitely a fire going.” Once again the other person says “nah, no there isn’t.” You see the flames engulfing the house and once again say “no can’t you see the fire right there?!” The other person blows you off once more. Finally you just can’t take it anymore and scream “LOOK AT THE DAMN FIRE ITS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!!!!”

By being invalidated by other people in your life, by having you express your feelings and people in your life saying that it isn’t right or you shouldn’t feel that way, it makes you feel unacknowledged. That’s why the freak outs happen. You just want to be heard. You want validation over your thoughts and feelings.

Idk, I just through this was profound and made me look at things in a new way. I thought it might help someone else so I decided to share :)",3.1707305936073062,4.884039246575341,3.7029452054794514,90.18446347031966,74.34246575342465,6.784474885844749,23.125570776255714,7.492282038375204,0.7647118721461186,1148,32,245,14,24,360,137,292,0.172,0.76,0.068,-0.9831,0,0,2,0,0,1,34.0,1,21,3,0,15,10,4,0,16,0,16,2,0,3,0,41,51,18,0,6,4,0,9,2,0,3,2,9,0,5,18,15,0,0,11,0,0,4,11,7,0,0,10,26,41,3,32,35,2,34,0,0,7,0,46,16,1,3,13,159,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899157558186929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055268811846741255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514786855186333,0.10198641888549784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833726864346097,0.0,0.0,0.09931955989296397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736895130667181,0.0,0.05152726000903582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017515083147099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218654236772763,0.0,0.060771134549861223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923149391953494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807936579773624,0.08858911043305558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284084095244867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578983331003102,0.06051988648676986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961817060987533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875652487444271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896672098220406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856800467737755,0.3166622668986043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675458324832777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808260369269869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322833759460743,0.0,0.3605039921556712,0.0,0.0,0.2167458560634588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364106937695082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283469328369994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816912884387501,0.072873447841069,0.07924559244839262,0.0,0.0,0.10526956606652617,0.060234090912534025,0.11618950849932742,0.0,0.14395646685672614,0.0,0.0,0.17188047534977938,0.17326943020607902,0.0,0.0,0.19723593106716567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390730673691635,0.1439320152783478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181145919362172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nervouslynervosa,2019/10/03,My FP just texted me “hey i’m obsessed with you” i said “thanks but I think i have you beat” as i actually started shaking with joy. lmao ik they didn’t mean it in the BPD way but it still felt really good.,-2.080166666666667,-0.4159547111111106,0.5015277777777811,101.48562500000004,107.22222222222223,4.02777777777778,14.513888888888893,5.985473137389443,-0.8282777777777777,158,4,40,2,8,53,37,45,0.064,0.62,0.316,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,9,3,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.3134456277034794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045411384927752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084031199985916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26940797516211984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498818128707495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057694446107483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30553549620666626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273475654353479,0.0,0.25651135797792785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29571852372033897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581249043169034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254954228655338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,young_monet,2018/11/07,"Being open to feedback Today my professor (conversation style grad class of 8 people) let me know after class that I interrupt far too often, speak at length, and come across as a know-it-all. 

I have had a lot of trouble filtering my words and knowing when to stop talking lately, and I think I’ve always been one to come across as pushy, in part because of my anxiety in social interactions. And I word vomit a lot, stutter, get lost... It’s a weird combination.

These are things I’d love to work on, and any feedback there would be super helpful. But my biggest problem is that I was told this at noon today and it’s all I can think about since. I even cried about it after, and it just makes me angry that I am so thin skinned when I get feedback. Has anyone else struggled with their defenses going up and/or mood plummeting after minor feedback? How do you learn to take feedback without it affecting your core?",6.65915254237288,6.545294717514127,6.779666666666667,77.98136440677969,65.10169491525424,9.339887005649716,32.389265536723165,8.841846274778883,2.5887902824858755,723,26,135,10,10,232,120,177,0.145,0.7859999999999999,0.07,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,1,3,11,10,1,1,4,0,14,3,1,3,1,32,28,14,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,11,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,7,0,1,5,3,18,2,25,19,4,25,0,1,0,1,11,12,0,3,10,94,29,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358567207061714,0.0,0.0,0.11103165173736278,0.0,0.12490386255314125,0.0,0.0,0.11416470240411207,0.1672931052845013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995300754541872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812915106145645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934839069178232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363941479434899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784067763775347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060744170916162,0.0,0.09279215357239932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094388571977395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26919271351093976,0.0,0.18417974053774275,0.0,0.0,0.1669583254133551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823242944591028,0.27761876412097697,0.14736080505993454,0.0,0.10898640059804736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063842174386412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768094056223875,0.0,0.1131933611179516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623079143887447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506161503889774,0.0,0.0,0.16643688093645825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365040464668894,0.0,0.17068902467059582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227614329088773,0.1312331407148936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108471729590698,0.20923826949619576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095285769504701,0.15601492854719198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738993083880215,0.0,0.11886513056820873,0.0,0.0,0.11598488595484448,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,avauk12,2018/11/07,"Feeling like a hollow shell of nothingness Can anyone relate to the feeling like you have no soul - like anything that made you happy before doesn’t anymore, you have no personality and just change it based on who you’re with , with nothing that feels you, and nothing matters matters so you just wait til the end of the day to start another boring monotonous day or school or work.",7.8107746478873255,7.956451450704229,7.287429577464793,74.43001760563384,62.661971830985905,9.353521126760565,34.651408450704224,8.841846274778883,2.934067605633803,307,12,53,4,4,96,49,71,0.111,0.7120000000000001,0.177,0.747,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,15,10,6,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,5,4,8,9,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,8,35,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076751503428493,0.0,0.0,0.2087971841213594,0.1472131081211423,0.0,0.17325488592280908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915238379997386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227213531196079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27155926506824296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186474231819278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319363110144338,0.3008168669509302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412168181195272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085747870407053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992162047494167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404033897235994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838337148030996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130757587145109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490199238330124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327421654577125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,potatoesdontcry,2018/11/07,"not sure if this is a bpd thing or a me thing lol I fall in love with people that  1- look like
someone from a band I like 2- look like a character from a tv show/movie I like (not the actor, but the character they played) 3- have literally one single thing in common with me (one of my first bf was just because he was the only person I knew that listened to joy division, I had no feelings, love teared us apart rip)
is it just....... me?..... am i..... broken (well, yes, but, you know, are y’all broken too?) ",-1.0637142857142834,1.027908152380956,1.3000000000000007,98.21000000000004,96.04761904761904,4.323809523809524,14.61904761904762,6.079149491110277,-0.7509809523809525,376,8,89,4,15,126,73,105,0.106,0.672,0.222,0.9158,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,1,1,4,10,0,0,8,2,8,2,0,0,1,14,16,4,0,1,8,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,1,3,4,4,14,10,8,12,1,6,0,0,2,2,11,3,0,2,6,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283300555917423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25378317923044763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188484906588048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139646099704547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073955928828208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937724127119051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384198127831673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36372464311981656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27308428756045106,0.15325042357935462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969526991731052,0.1759427093267176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073095746321176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991210100230374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016044950139817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423806288620045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811734009831759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thronenoway,2018/11/07,"I don't know what to do anymore Everyone always leaves me. I have a 99.9% rate of people giving up on me once they know the real me or just fading away from disinterest. The .1% is my dad and frankly that one feels like a ""yet."" 
My anxiety has been torturous these past few weeks and I just wanted someone to listen and care and tell me it would be okay and maybe hold me last night. I'm so tired of living in my head and always being a disappointment and a failure. I told this to my boyfriend and this morning he said it would probably be best if I just go since he can't be there for me. 
This week I've lost everyone I managed to get to socialize with me in the past year. My therapist, the only one who could help me so far, left and didn't tell me and I tried reaching out to her since she moved but she resigned because she's about to start a family. Ive never had friends, I can't imagine what it's like and I wish I was exaggerating. My family disowned me over a year ago. My boyfriend was the last one this morning. I feel like a pathetic idiot for thinking anyone could care and trying to be in a relationship again. I knew better but I did it to myself anyway. 
I wish I was dead. I can't kill myself unless I kill my two cats so they don't have to go back to the shelter and I don't think I could do that. I objectively think I should just die. No one ever wants me, no one knows how to deal with me, and I don't blame them but I also don't understand why I'm so repulsive. I'm pathetic and I can't stand being alone anymore. I'm socially starved and I don't want to be in pain anymore. I don't know how to live and I'm falling apart and I can't pull myself together enough to fix or help any of it and if I become homeless again because I lose my job because I hate myself I won't survive but I prefer it not get that bad first. I'm so useless and I can't handle being alone anymore. I hate the sound of my internal voice. I can't handle losing anything anymore, I mean I legitimately can't handle it. I couldn't try to get a better life if I wanted to because if I lost anything else I would snap and pass out in front of a train. I don't know what the point is, I don't know why I deserve this but I am tired of hurting and I don't really know why I'm saying any of this but I don't think there's anything out there for me and I am so tired of failing. If this is all I'm ever going to get then me and my cats need to take some medicine and have our final nap. 
Sorry you wasted your time reading this. ",1.8310528772704124,2.9613386551094902,3.8718383975555963,90.00220590731627,76.68248175182481,6.776506535392972,23.145645900526233,7.3071595529392575,0.707944695297912,1965,57,454,23,43,673,224,548,0.19,0.696,0.114,-0.9940000000000001,1,2,0,0,0,1,40.0,1,2,3,10,24,27,6,0,18,1,55,6,1,2,4,91,105,49,4,21,19,1,2,3,1,5,5,5,0,0,23,30,0,1,18,2,0,8,26,17,0,7,12,7,88,10,47,76,5,48,0,9,0,0,28,16,0,8,26,308,111,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707256752466421,0.0,0.0,0.1333648982707601,0.0,0.051487894226162366,0.10714535941141147,0.0,0.0,0.08756671123522854,0.0,0.04925361504225506,0.0,0.3192583401990269,0.045018818383085565,0.0,0.15894773929212985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049092579477802,0.04950735324295705,0.05375798480716762,0.1569916549045536,0.07110711474888612,0.0,0.0,0.06756707871830904,0.1138849040801267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312876412862336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542162529840157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637711904803961,0.0,0.0,0.06682046949878202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053784604571110485,0.0,0.0,0.06652592516252086,0.0,0.0,0.11647810205409034,0.0,0.12304342034641215,0.0,0.0,0.12139108740748497,0.0,0.06510901118041801,0.09199194333081144,0.0,0.07052956971114846,0.0,0.054765032277393946,0.0,0.0,0.049742950268253205,0.0,0.13455201601490724,0.06176303874435835,0.10977280247964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271318217891719,0.06607660073365608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631053088191667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892444737874351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389122594762972,0.0,0.1424628038771102,0.0,0.24768649553611166,0.10496317307264526,0.0,0.06817340296466261,0.06995344879549284,0.0,0.045476352132079206,0.09436437062352697,0.0,0.11370457532529173,0.0,0.0,0.14405854587782874,0.1405655724095776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468242286188089,0.0701330953408716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843004619925085,0.0,0.04773995050135002,0.04965694147276535,0.0,0.0,0.06042006086633859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856690226374633,0.21814146184376335,0.0489669643411851,0.06850915890305408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229237044419058,0.044635787235727385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060863729387693764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941688561749695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440146411051044,0.07328313397575789,0.04124606523190413,0.0,0.0,0.06912436484473615,0.0,0.0,0.06124396666882041,0.051200773489718174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651828787569896,0.0,0.0,0.13126284319654594,0.05455238889900032,0.0,0.0,0.07207266256013184,0.04557135551393298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484087860450029,0.0,0.11254897913187628,0.0,0.0,0.07475483385501172,0.0,0.16501877471545118,0.0,0.0,0.03754285199676293,0.22199995113122914,0.0,0.061521710173206075,0.0,0.13113761242338942,0.0,0.06289385256751599,0.06702605717568896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519015017634421,0.0,0.103289988008369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428974777734868,0.0,0.14807693911313244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720972610697127,0.0,0.0,0.08292242281918172
bpd,PuzzledPomegranate,2018/11/07,"How can loved ones of people with BPD better support them?   

Hi guys, full disclosure I do not have BPD but my sister does. 

TL;DR My sister has BPD and I’m trying to figure out how to best support her. The full story is below if you’re interested.

So my sister was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago but my mom and I have suspected for years that she had a personality disorder. When she was younger, she definitely had issues but not like the symptoms she’s displaying now. Here’s a quick overview of what she’s been like over the past couple of years:

\- Extreme emotions. When she’s angry, she gets physically abusive and it’s honestly scary. She’s constantly cycling through anger, depression, and periods where she seems very aware and calm. 

\- Incredibly high expectations. My mom and I have to constantly walk on eggshells when talking to her so that we don’t trigger her anger. Every little thing we say she dissects and usually takes it in the worst way possible. It’s honestly exhausting talking to her because I have to filter everything I say and try to imagine all the possible ways she might take it before I actually say something aloud. If we say something she doesn’t like, or even have a tone of voice that she perceives in a negative way, she will go off on us and cut us off completely (sometimes for months). It seems like in all her relationships, she has unrealistic expectations and expects us all to make her the center of our world, which logistically just isn’t possible. 

\- Constant lying. I’m not sure if this is really considered a “symptom” of BPD but we frequently catch her in lies. It seems that when she lies, it’s to get someone’s sympathy, reassurance, or concern. 

\- What appears to be a completely severance from reality. My sister seems to make all of these assumptions about people and then acts based on those assumptions rather than what is objectively happening. She constantly thinks we’re against her because of how she perceives we feel about her. It doesn’t matter how many positive things we say or do, it seems like she just misconstrues them to fit the narrative in her head. 

That’s not an exhaustive list of everything happening, but it’s probably her most severe symptoms. Her BPD seems to be getting even worse, because now she is unable to hold down a job and is refusing to leave the house due to her anxiety. I live on the other side of the country from her, so I haven’t seen her in a long time. She cut off communication with me months ago because she was mad at me for something I said during a conversation with her. During this conversation, after she got mad, she told me that she didn't love me and never had. Then yesterday she called me out of the blue acting very erratic, basically trying to manipulate me into apologizing to her about what I had said months prior. It was clear she wanted a specific reaction from me and when she didn’t get it she got volatile. 

I’m just at a loss. I love my sister, she’s the one person who understands me more than anyone else. She wasn’t always like this and it honestly hurts me to see her hurting like this. I want to help her but I’m not sure how. Everything I say or don’t say seems to make our relationship worse. It's also frustrating because she says the absolute cruelest things to me when she is angry. I know it's just her disease talking most of the time, but it makes it so much harder to try to reach out to her.

So I was hoping to get some insight from some Redditors who know what it’s like to be in her shoes. What have people in your life done to help you feel supported? Or what should they not have done? Thanks in advance!",5.367795238095237,6.5213368700000025,6.0612142857142866,77.58120238095238,68.15714285714286,9.833333333333336,30.72619047619048,10.02789654360092,3.032119047619047,2899,113,548,70,48,947,287,700,0.195,0.7120000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9981,1,0,3,0,0,0,73.0,11,2,3,4,32,40,7,0,27,0,45,12,2,11,8,109,94,49,0,11,26,7,2,8,0,3,7,11,0,3,44,29,0,2,19,0,0,7,17,14,0,2,21,16,103,26,84,67,15,79,0,4,3,3,111,34,0,22,43,389,147,1,0.0,0.05859574717869918,0.04826066527480841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876772370511243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039548915557194496,0.04115028236631582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037832719544450055,0.0,0.0,0.034579884718078734,0.05067219703678828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073566797400526,0.0,0.04208231765390174,0.0,0.051899669443441716,0.04373867413299175,0.0,0.0,0.3737188733701329,0.0,0.05049879062454592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370464985829944,0.21377189954277345,0.0,0.0,0.05472069851404705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042595271235545316,0.050195491968928085,0.0,0.0,0.05667938484881891,0.0,0.04327815200138225,0.10121868198038868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131306623488008,0.05562989491292508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532874210862373,0.0,0.041667728075294674,0.0,0.1333401196654851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500115769713954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291902300385765,0.0,0.02810625268323085,0.0,0.0791069023972728,0.0,0.0,0.04896794043378583,0.08746527751680604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075480250256486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629690238547505,0.0522516187949289,0.0,0.04911968809468945,0.0,0.0570640980750877,0.10588458472333977,0.0,0.0,0.05161787090145333,0.049076170968446665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435803305301252,0.0,0.0,0.05236539962681232,0.0,0.0,0.034931325845657835,0.19328859499825699,0.049566613941660384,0.0436694170114422,0.04376586413466857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390442606940833,0.0,0.13204561792412922,0.05013931604611716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052463634484770864,0.0,0.11584152266351637,0.15789711812306406,0.0,0.036354903871139016,0.0,0.03814252291050287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702358590224282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721011880575425,0.1028570117352569,0.08636389444282623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725827222669792,0.0,0.0,0.05332054434913799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03168195505836472,0.0,0.0,0.1061917061972234,0.0,0.0,0.09408551282107253,0.31462697748924184,0.0,0.0,0.03940900277829947,0.31515198880885875,0.0,0.11173949634502832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041902817243466166,0.11421796099685552,0.04891197501641551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836186435265674,0.0932209621367225,0.15420714584620365,0.07436757786638318,0.11924947330171393,0.0,0.04553125463382992,0.0,0.0,0.0985665400626098,0.03168858274678132,0.0,0.0,0.057674880890419965,0.0,0.0,0.04725609693585001,0.0,0.13430601343100196,0.0,0.0,0.0514840996162952,0.17846378908903088,0.0,0.054467378687092234,0.08161063392458168,0.05833934128151635,0.11776454608426165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079715373181647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369442656692298
bpd,batcalls,2018/11/07,"First psychiatrist therapy session led to identity crisis Hi there, I'm new here. I was told a few years ago I had BPD traits by a counselor but ignored it (I also know I have NPD traits and always thought I was better than a BPD diagnosis) and stopped cutting shortly thereafter because I didn't want to embody that hallmark symptom and ""fit the profile."" That counselor wasn't super great and I stopped seeing her after she tried to diagnose me. I saw a psychiatrist yesterday who told me yet again I had BPD traits but backed it up with questioning my motives for everything. She asked who I am when I'm not around other people, not trying to get or manipulate something out of someone else. I realized I didn't know and that I have to distract myself to stop the overwhelming emptiness of it all. Now I'm in a full-fledged identity crisis and have lost my typical exterior of confident, pompous, confrontational bitch that I've come to love (and probably use as a protective mechanism). I'm very intellectual and have always maintained that I'm an introspective person but I feel myself slipping into a depression and I don't know what to do to stop it. I don't want to go back to therapy if it's going to make me feel like this every single session, but she told me I needed intensive therapy if I wanted to change. Isn't that the thing with personality disorders though, like, we don't want to change because it's innately who we are? Has anyone else had similar experiences with their first therapy session? Did it get better? ",7.0856276531231055,7.3843249450171795,7.792411562563172,69.68326864766527,64.15463917525773,11.245684253082675,37.04891853648676,10.966923227221727,4.29524928239337,1233,58,214,32,17,412,156,291,0.193,0.701,0.106,-0.9740000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,1,7,11,15,3,2,11,0,21,3,0,5,1,51,52,20,0,7,9,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,20,18,0,6,9,0,0,4,9,8,0,2,15,4,33,7,30,37,3,29,0,3,2,1,19,8,1,4,19,148,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144900309507279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347904322638325,0.1529085353756228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424694098852055,0.0941453009263271,0.0,0.08179561896366383,0.08589848381795075,0.0,0.0,0.14130517488185124,0.0,0.11202241585412903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252662719082536,0.0,0.0,0.34717140614344605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440069995647155,0.07914932856854183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913895317381943,0.09325961716498912,0.0,0.0,0.105306224220693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351341683678416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741564463283478,0.0,0.08257878695849563,0.08987950015121114,0.0,0.0,0.09291791631521128,0.06564144914135002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631177908845847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960104656594468,0.0,0.10443879569117932,0.0,0.0,0.1013016645744418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148997908528794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977908007682496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030147791494266,0.0,0.08292826720814442,0.0,0.061332817414866785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813030401098916,0.0,0.0887414654074641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370031225847081,0.16045790999720128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906573992954573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293032646028052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321909533695294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785242341442099,0.07073625471205086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30727421815577305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095501932023596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203062531179264,0.0,0.06104318290313625,0.0,0.0902748774688717,0.07294507813843187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26339529723169475,0.0,0.12476546104264236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935767148101537,0.0,0.07581334675542069,0.21678060798526505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916983382543384
bpd,newb34,2018/11/07,"Anyone else made worse by therapy? I’ve been having massive anxiety attacks thinking about going back. 

I tried and failed to get out of bed on the morning l was supposed to show up at a day program. My outpatient therapist had made it her mission to get me into more supervision because I became increasingly uncomfortable with her, more labile, less able to communicate. 

Outside of therapy I had been limping along, working part time, doing okay 60% of the time, coping nowhere near as badly as when I have to talk to someone who calls me “challenging” for trying to clear up misunderstandings, and then tells me later I’m not opening up and making “easy” conversation, because my body goes into high alert mode just from walking into the building, which tells the therapist that my condition is deteriorating generally and I need more effective drugs so I can engage with their treatment plan. 

I don’t have the option to skip out because they won’t give me the few antidepressants I do need without talk therapy, and seeing a talk therapist always escalates matters eventually. I’m not docile enough, and then I’m not engaged enough, and then I try to have a conversation while crying, but a leaky face means it’s time to abandon the topic at hand and focus on that problem to the exclusion of all else. 

I don’t want to be drugged into a coma just so I can put up with being poked at psychologically. I want to be able to function out in the world. I’ve already tried every class of medication available and then some. Some of them have done significant damage. Add another pill, and another to balance out the side effects, soon I’m in a downward spiral of specialist visits to deal with broken guts, heart arrhythmia, full body rashes, neurological symptoms, with a brain that’s become too mushy to even keep track of what’s going on, but I’ll able to sit in a folding chair and write down SMART goals like, “take a shower” and then three days later report that I almost did so. Apparently that’s an outcome that feels like success to the mental health team. Their methods are useful! Incremental progress day by day! Whereas being argued with about my medical history doesn’t feel at all like success. It feels bad. 

Recently I was looking pretty rough in public, and someone asked me if I had tried therapy. Yeah. I’ve been trying for years. And they said, “Well... I found it very helpful to talk to a therapist. But you do have to want it to work.” Ugh. 
",6.643451287456705,7.514122947598254,7.084157506399637,72.40194323144105,65.15720524017468,9.72335491642825,33.47869296792652,9.753983421225431,3.3010435777744327,1962,81,337,39,29,641,250,458,0.08900000000000001,0.768,0.14300000000000002,0.9731,2,0,3,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,5,12,13,20,2,0,22,2,31,17,8,6,3,71,61,30,0,7,10,0,6,3,0,1,9,1,2,0,14,31,0,2,8,2,0,6,8,9,1,1,14,9,33,11,73,42,14,58,0,3,2,0,28,31,0,5,23,225,47,12,0.22032880255076104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354248977499947,0.0,0.08104610414583822,0.0,0.061110404631535074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402264019777542,0.056183643628293256,0.0,0.0,0.05135300721443923,0.07525096515550939,0.0,0.0,0.06865922939429578,0.0835519402000573,0.0,0.05647308302539932,0.12264356465976975,0.13431039301693454,0.08111195068748117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315708670723686,0.0,0.08198660358551638,0.07499344721374901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806736145861615,0.1894584670642451,0.07571644027486006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515762051192468,0.0,0.0,0.17034097412908472,0.0,0.1227042950378162,0.0,0.0,0.15177236709090305,0.0,0.04850836537145038,0.0,0.06187883961744985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114048627094545,0.10493529371069336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052638655371866,0.0,0.0,0.07674180373120325,0.07045315466157147,0.08347862397922985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806640469072053,0.0,0.08703023062149172,0.04922725067264814,0.07759649226185146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527945440136147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076415236886069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167356763858242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138986960200737,0.04902372886127456,0.0,0.0,0.08000088585985418,0.0,0.14797205920282624,0.07401320369458378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891401021017952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953154075913517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471786727615183,0.0,0.07027496932877822,0.0,0.07383043392904033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251603728469433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986104867129232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852450985557564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445591960484725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633532941400119,0.05521994642012402,0.23612259411146014,0.12838472320962932,0.0,0.33595358341645176,0.3410916288032087,0.0,0.04705926672913526,0.0,0.0,0.12847549660464352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991775883390517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063431114592893,0.0,0.06059811226775037,0.12995563626687218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603401797286072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079636773575979,0.0,0.10693466157355166,0.0,0.0748446243384773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047294841693047984
bpd,PrestigiousLion,2018/11/07,"Anyone have any suggestions for tackling overeating? I went to my first therapy appointment this past Thursday and was diagnosed with BPD. Since then I have gained 6 pound. I had lost 30 pounds since August. 
I have always struggled with my weight and eating habit but actually dealing with emotions makes things so much worse! I want to eat 24/7!
My therapist gave me a worksheet to identify my triggers for overeating but I’d like to try and do more if possible. 
Any and all advice appreciated!",4.6829837702871435,7.633520494382022,4.707116104868914,78.92811485642947,74.39325842696628,8.000499375780276,30.11360799001249,8.841846274778883,2.933366042446941,400,18,66,9,9,124,66,89,0.084,0.7859999999999999,0.13,0.649,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,2,1,14,11,9,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,1,10,1,11,6,3,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.1766710110815257,0.0,0.0,0.17691228198658332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506415618299028,0.0,0.0,0.24622972412892016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658887235469884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801623517684425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664649478232326,0.0,0.183753959200272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705026088618854,0.0,0.20364803768579032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399435012867224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844804385315523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762887990310687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084703295479672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308680243242466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282520610102933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409780855538287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995198548437276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926455113849466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703746282384725,0.21020387608228025,0.12027635199052288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291572780892565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067833436541515,0.0,0.0,0.22046055109285245,0.0,0.16782787574366806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449740552204485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,srormydawn,2018/11/07,"I want to run away Today I'm feeling very down. I have this sorta plan in my head to take all the cash put of my bank account, buy a gun and just leave.  I'm seriously thinking about ending it.  I cant deal with life anymore. The only thing that is holding me on this damn earth is the fact that my daughter is 7 months pregnant and she has BPD.  If I actually did what I'm thinking of doing I dont think she could handle it.  She and I are best friends and shes been in and out of mental hospitals since she was 10.  I know the easy answer is go talk to a professional about my depression but if I actually tell them I have a plan I'm affraid they would try to commit me.  I dont want that. I just want to run away.  Screw everyone else. I hate this life",0.481050613496933,2.289237730061356,2.7892599693251547,93.21002492331293,82.74233128834356,5.7927914110429475,20.616947852760735,6.9077264865688965,0.2435647239263803,582,17,138,7,16,199,98,163,0.099,0.8059999999999999,0.096,-0.3638,0,0,0,1,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,3,4,7,3,0,7,0,18,4,1,0,3,28,33,8,0,7,5,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,6,0,4,4,3,5,0,0,3,1,25,2,18,28,2,14,0,1,0,1,12,7,2,3,3,89,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.2953104176355865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005731253754034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28431851622148585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878887051409904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056768064426724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080747552783573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599235547180804,0.13032173578879355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546647245012875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126398784332522,0.0,0.13401436519392546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458169652748354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650609247685969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690052373086525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599207212326576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493857568747612,0.15528610969923726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315516037401884,0.0,0.0,0.16021378844854434,0.0,0.0,0.21374724872329115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248331720853855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077295150942853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507688518926598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210677169038345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516390335146033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137651146809424,0.12161599086622014,0.13225024385302295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052260277611637,0.2908570121841005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342270703184634,0.0,0.0,0.10272849714004832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484530751150555,0.2677369106962336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074851729834666,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ExtraReflection,2018/11/07,"I genuinely cannot function as a person (TW just in case) I couldn’t finish uni even though I was *this* close to doing so because I was too overwhelmed by my relationship constantly falling apart and reliving trauma. I couldn’t get myself to care or focus long enough to do well. 

My fiancé finally left and fully cut communication through text message. He didn’t want to do it in person or even call me, probably because he thought I’d get emotional and beg him back. He’s not wrong.

I’ve been isolated since I left high school 5 years ago. I have no idea how to make friends or even communicate with people as an adult. I’m too sensitive and damaging to be around.

My old friends don’t talk to me anymore. It’s my fault. I got emotional over my relationship once and reached out to them freaking out. A few of them were there for me at the time, but once the incident passed and realized how fucked up I’ve become, they put distance between us.

I nearly cried in the fitting room because I had to buy the smallest pants they offer. I’m 5’7” and under 100lbs now because I can’t get myself to eat much when I’m overwhelmed or depressed. Apparently I’ve lost 15lbs on my already small frame.

I get sick working because my body is so weak from the damn weight-loss. I work at a warehouse so I’m constantly moving. I battle nausea for *hours* almost every time I’m there. Ironically this forces me to eat even less.

Work is my only escape from my mind and the only place I communicate with people in person. I don’t hate it actually, the people are nice, but thinking about having to find a better job sometime in the future makes me want to disappear.

Actually, thinking of how I have to work 40 hours a week for basically the rest of my life makes me want to die. I didn’t even ask to exist in the first place. This is what I have to do because I choose not to end my own life?

I try, you guys, I really do. I had a good 2-3 months of clearity, but lost it, and now I’m worse off than ever. My first meeting with my new therapist is tomorrow. I’m willing to try a few medication too. But that’ll take a while and it might not work. I want to be saved. I’m tired. I’m losing it. ",2.503195742164401,4.240699074157305,4.171262566528687,86.0144337670018,76.23595505617978,7.290952099349497,24.96895328208161,8.119692808369301,1.4329325842696634,1708,59,358,29,38,573,228,445,0.163,0.752,0.085,-0.9927,2,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,1,1,4,11,26,25,5,2,19,0,33,10,1,6,1,53,64,29,1,6,12,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,5,11,17,2,0,7,0,1,5,12,17,1,2,12,0,52,8,56,45,7,58,0,7,0,1,25,27,2,6,26,226,63,8,0.0,0.0,0.14688213690643134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671178206303745,0.0,0.0753601356001928,0.0,0.08304920620696732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746358320184575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699568194402243,0.07035618257131424,0.0,0.0,0.05786884843816902,0.0,0.2752599065176659,0.08311668018455766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655969085305348,0.0,0.08359480496246137,0.0,0.0,0.07684695430416663,0.0,0.07673066845356527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265458234254615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266751034906564,0.0,0.0,0.06481970799159048,0.0,0.07810604624763312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401568878192745,0.0,0.16931050979431586,0.06665635602511362,0.07776175513859786,0.0,0.24853639054921595,0.06807527763658666,0.06340821147911208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824415912519896,0.06878455774676796,0.1280290358896452,0.0,0.0,0.11628847277754364,0.06957491872343344,0.15727704495946676,0.0,0.0,0.063122939983839,0.060190793071314815,0.0,0.0,0.07451737030421465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430181220435685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951433513936236,0.0,0.0,0.14822817609727615,0.0,0.0,0.08495725639105907,0.0,0.0,0.07468207101978692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353633393437295,0.0,0.10631407080629902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660106746406824,0.0,0.08419458536508463,0.16430625498145612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507061373329509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581463777390059,0.0,0.07983697177734023,0.0759892469499507,0.0,0.060070312927775225,0.07998747080434357,0.05532337709410068,0.0,0.0,0.07268476071225792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897073656751859,0.16029488207552114,0.0,0.11447438218040415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652351240349113,0.19713746114600375,0.1572574338683795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114098148480839,0.0,0.0,0.07565519646310606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048212278403621786,0.0,0.0,0.16159811141403724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616523470631792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225429409164576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744322044652296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658473982574595,0.060489625674048135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738047718177291,0.0,0.0964447282870986,0.0739407202374353,0.05974654041697765,0.08776722930330984,0.08649813737263118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219064604579133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905262513911045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775567548509457,0.0,0.06036752391006616,0.09164411481503594,0.06766608750785101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27394403633867315,0.0,0.07669445318413115,0.0,0.08228293938342474,0.0,0.04846376148104476
bpd,beetlec0och,2018/11/07,"Do y’all feel like your life has just fallen apart this past month? or is it just me? 

——-
i thought i was doing pretty well i learned a bunch of dbt skills and had been using them had a full time job and good core group of friends and support all around me. 

fell in love with someone who was not well and ultimately abusive. i made a bunch of decisions for that relationship that cost me so much. i decided to break it off, but i still have feelings for him. 

my best friend of ten years told me she can’t sit by and watch me “make life ruining decisions” i was fired from the job when i tried to put in my resignation to tell them i would be moving (to move in the with guy) and my other group of friends lost a ton of respect for me and i cut contact with them because i felt like they were shaming me for all of this. 

i’m so defeated and disappointed in myself. i think i need to start going back to my dbt group. i feel like i have no one to turn to and talk to right now this weakness is making me want to crawl back to him and i know it’s not the right thing to do, i just feel like i have no one in my life that gives a fuck right now. ",2.7126578631452603,3.2896652693877577,3.757118847539016,93.79481392557024,73.85714285714286,7.234093637454983,23.39135654261705,7.285733465282438,0.5004837935174069,881,22,218,9,17,285,132,245,0.16,0.6779999999999999,0.162,-0.6448,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,4,4,14,23,2,1,8,0,19,6,0,4,2,42,43,15,0,3,7,0,6,4,3,1,4,0,0,1,12,14,0,0,12,0,1,6,5,9,2,3,12,7,41,14,35,29,8,31,0,5,1,2,24,12,1,1,15,155,53,3,0.0,0.13684565329206605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028172634570316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762089923328642,0.0,0.07040620506266798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120750246550112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335960288020679,0.2475343150003796,0.11089571411469552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676992500630411,0.1067755792733904,0.0,0.11079572793273794,0.06563989189008575,0.0968738247328168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436068523185206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22922689787601416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347440644562112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24473790347594304,0.2257049814193466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607916671541458,0.0,0.10424100466019602,0.10928652877625204,0.15419095855262688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218900399285307,0.24551113207037364,0.08490395310506092,0.08563993409008075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652819258022035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025543424281184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750248138935912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610688989090436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240010931547676,0.0,0.2959027063013003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786065843605612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174972620674363,0.0,0.09223645409820276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106519628774307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283251694553046,0.10094990729501477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673140809161984,0.07400613554185337,0.0,0.09169211519977184,0.06734752208143813,0.0,0.0,0.1103628124665405,0.0,0.07841522223860173,0.12562811597025395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975275839192263,0.0,0.0,0.06812341897399744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076922495457044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204611146372233,0.0,0.0,0.07437660439785868
bpd,wormbabey,2018/11/07,"just OFFICIALLY diagnosed! i've suspected that i have BPD since i was maybe 15. i read a lot of the literature and learned about the symptoms and took some tests (i know most of them are bogus) and had a good feeling that i had it. i told my mom and showed her the list and she said that i didn't have it. then last year, i was in outpatient group therapy, and completely out of the blue my social worker asked me to take a look at a book she had about BPD. i had never mentioned it in group or to her. she showed it to my parents too but i'm pretty sure they forgot about it. about a week ago i went to my therapist and as soon as i walked in her office, what else do i see on her table but a BPD workbook. again, i had never mentioned BPD to her at all. we took the evaluation together and she pretty much said, yeah, i have it. i told her that i felt vindicated but also kind of shitty because i know that most people will see me as a stereotype and a monster if they knew. the whole internet and mental health field seems to hate people with BPD and it's not like there's any BPD representation out there that's not completely awful. i'm not really sure how to feel!",2.9716712204007294,4.0177735532786905,4.446666666666665,87.32611111111113,73.71311475409836,7.881238615664843,23.39162112932605,8.344100000000001,1.1228413479052817,913,24,204,15,18,305,127,244,0.071,0.813,0.11599999999999999,0.8713,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,3,1,12,6,1,0,14,2,14,3,0,1,5,44,37,22,0,1,9,2,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,14,15,0,1,9,4,0,4,6,1,0,0,18,9,37,5,27,18,7,21,0,0,4,0,26,8,0,7,10,143,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123154717361494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732828658338376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231697418789496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566914848859551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586166688458508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.692489027092281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216137370240374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301062877698213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655178017958099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266984021428364,0.0,0.08798683916125496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686159653461698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904735412023632,0.0,0.09740689597625686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542686278791257,0.10072368324371336,0.07469719091626813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476969208543659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695283023800023,0.0,0.0,0.07790734032636458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206267585101956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234953834123204,0.0,0.0,0.1073253039146054,0.0,0.0,0.0673644651251655,0.0,0.1413537311773887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175314096336656,0.0,0.0,0.12706048505364706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645755633731656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166278646360193,0.0,0.05870564158802724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433742280501532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604722392809508,0.08342378252263694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580389057044133,0.0,0.0,0.09341338844318778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727354382520849,0.09524695701051998,0.06890036242951067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479602551937063,0.10639876697548063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512804903955154,0.2036263527618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350646639331575,0.0,0.0,0.08494933288599682,0.0,0.10231054093440703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901185975272484
bpd,_not_too_creative_,2018/11/07,"My Girlfriend with BPD is mean So a little background... I’m 27, my girlfriend is 20. We have been dating for over a year and a half and we were friends for like 2 years before we started dating. She has been battling depression and a range of other mental issues for essentially her entire life. Until about 8 months ago when when I got her to go to therapy again and seek help and she was diagnosed with BPD which made everything make sense. We have been educating ourselves and talking with others. This BPD group is amazing and when I found it I was so happy. I showed her and she immediately found a Facebook group and has been using that group for help. So jump to now and I have had a lot on my mind that I’m juggling. Like trying to ride out the different waves of emotions and reactions I get to see on a daily to hourly basis. My main issue we seem to being having right now is her anger and me feeling hurt. That is 100% my opinion and I’m sure she would describe it differently. I love her to death and I know she passionately loves me as well. The problem comes when she gets upset it’s very obvious. From how she talks, walks, acts, and thinks. It’s like a cold breeze blew through her to the bone and now she feels nothing good. I’ll ask her if she is “ok” and I get a sharp “I’m fine, ugh!” And that’s the nicer of responses. Many times she will say mean responses to general questions or interactions and make me feel really bad. I’ll try to point it out or talk to her about how she is coming across. This is met with anger and annoyance. She feels she gets the right to get upset sometimes, even though it’s not called for and on a frequent occasion. She says that sometimes she is upset and it’s not BPD. But from outside the box it’s seems clear when she is overwhelmed or overreacting.  Later she will feel sry and bad, but instead of making it up to me she beats herself up too far. It steals the attention away from the apology and makes me feel bad that she is so distraught. So I just keep feeling scorned then I have to make her feel better. It seems to skip over my true feelings and having an important change occurs. And I have talked to her a million ways about this but she always gets upset and mad, or sad and cries. I tell her to just trust me when I let her know she is being mean, because she says she doesn’t realize it when it happens. But when I try to tell her, it goes really bad and I’m just attacking her and yelling at her (according to her). I’m constantly coming from a place of love and fairness, she seems to be just pissed off at me. The worst part is that I’m losing patience with this. I am getting more hurt and more upset by the constant disrespect and rude lashing out behavior. So I guess what I’m asking everyone is... 
For ppl dating/married to ppl with BPD, does this sound familiar and what did you do to help them and the relationship so that you felt heard and not stuck in this loop?
For ppl with BPD, can you help explain what she may be feeling and how can I better connect with her to make her not feel like I’m an enemy and I’m on her side but just need some attention too. 
Thanks everyone, and I’m sry for the long post.",2.422981100355216,4.284996598145288,3.4819734808427576,90.31571436318774,76.83616692426584,6.766007755090972,23.09739960411073,7.669130373188453,0.9140567748583202,2497,76,536,36,57,803,279,647,0.149,0.738,0.113,-0.9899,3,0,0,0,1,0,60.0,5,3,1,4,36,49,8,7,26,1,46,8,2,11,4,132,117,71,1,4,19,0,13,4,3,4,2,7,0,0,34,58,0,1,29,1,0,8,5,28,1,2,17,22,85,21,73,91,7,62,0,6,1,4,86,24,1,15,32,360,119,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051611524703503234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844652697408439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886202534336066,0.06623751469238932,0.05470279411638113,0.0,0.1944564039237698,0.03549243983043451,0.0,0.04954381890270044,0.0,0.0,0.10298771888521477,0.0,0.0,0.4399819500211013,0.0,0.059452593796860936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061592629417883626,0.15046289229271528,0.0,0.12583760671807326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395566301206446,0.0,0.0,0.0501477228882996,0.05909551808180775,0.0,0.12166210648125282,0.0,0.0,0.05095168338479628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549348022628876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845600181518025,0.0,0.0,0.1112698938254004,0.05232743116719075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32383446489044565,0.04159480343765538,0.05590358771880311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767788993781629,0.0449832488346631,0.0,0.21293523752987506,0.0,0.03308969587710956,0.04883501947609828,0.04656656601660224,0.0,0.06413963131365813,0.0,0.05148675395217092,0.061979884276938416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610365154360487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057338313681763675,0.0,0.12465869235779604,0.0,0.0,0.12154019030591415,0.0,0.05175162670870418,0.0,0.0,0.0639961080003815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953736387601941,0.04112490419281916,0.11378003494614056,0.05835513540252937,0.0,0.051525870429505,0.0,0.06513708355692252,0.0,0.04949944645575388,0.15764665553865256,0.05509238203387965,0.23318740076765976,0.059029381758962426,0.0,0.19026703053902105,0.0,0.0,0.058675485636986276,0.0,0.05878902908712703,0.0,0.046473356635706085,0.0,0.0,0.04317190800255564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586691566873611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305026055562457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083105324062641,0.0,0.055039925643484935,0.0,0.05576191585367568,0.0,0.0,0.05571192365224052,0.0,0.0,0.0652235249662103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459879262375099,0.0,0.0,0.06251013435231044,0.0,0.09944491861868916,0.0,0.13890473657038846,0.0,0.0,0.046396505839859804,0.2120175602872319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151688484610837,0.0,0.04121081708586262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054874858652290255,0.0,0.0,0.1871910306237532,0.10177962318426599,0.053604277514930534,0.06658352386619026,0.0,0.0,0.037307199137693134,0.05720418779284305,0.0,0.033950528551804374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185895854470412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028631740616958,0.0,0.04804039669282774,0.0,0.0462150191151716,0.0,0.0,0.05234982246015951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04136022772219192,0.0,0.0,0.07498791204648397
bpd,kathink,2018/11/07,"I have so many mean things I want to say to someone right now, but I posted here instead. 
That’s a good thing.",1.2512500000000024,2.5580616250000037,2.3649999999999984,99.48,78.58333333333334,4.800000000000002,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.6490166666666668,85,2,21,0,2,27,21,24,0.0,0.773,0.22699999999999998,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960230672894449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578181975956853,0.0,0.3844469985436191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33801181090999805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014024582324747,0.0,0.2806661191205485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990385933156259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689453904264976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816875450665734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dayoldpastries,2018/11/07,"Is it possible to love someone when you have BPD? I’m speaking for myself here. I’ve treated my bf like shit. Lied, cheated, manipulated, and can’t control my emotions at all. I have an extremely hard time seeing things from other people’s perspective and I feel like I lack major empathy for the things I’ve done. 

I was recently diagnosed with BPD. 
So, it is possible for me to love? Is it possible for others that had BPD to act they way they do and love someone at the same time? ",2.0137500000000017,4.391597875000002,4.010250000000003,83.40975000000002,80.66666666666666,7.590000000000002,26.266666666666666,8.548686976883017,2.185224166666667,380,16,74,9,10,129,63,96,0.146,0.6890000000000001,0.165,0.6183,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,1,3,8,2,0,3,0,10,5,1,2,1,10,16,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,11,6,11,13,4,8,0,0,1,3,8,2,1,0,6,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346608775949107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587096215537804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362435349009164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480849963131615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917380980221166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154905876789643,0.10109102934017207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676047124734738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826415682317322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831407138231747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810158397984987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785760687294292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397188799602705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276097361942755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525260341225854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23979304913404195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880189506660706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650251278667067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123198925637662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,punkkid13,2018/11/07,"Manic High Is it normal to be in a state of mania that actually feels like a legit high?  The mania doesn’t seem to be as bad as a “classic” bipolar manic state (as I understand it), but it is extremely intense and feels like a SUPER amplified adrenaline rush.  The only drug ive done is marijuana, so I kind of compare it to that, but with an extreme energy rush, and my personality is amped up so much and I’m way more spontaneous (and I’m already a spontaneous person lol). And I talk SO much.  I don’t know, I just wanted to know more about how others might experience this?",4.050948275862069,4.917772370689658,6.340862068965517,75.4278448275862,70.98275862068967,9.593103448275864,28.29310344827586,9.827888789773867,2.6925896551724144,449,16,88,11,8,160,70,116,0.02,0.836,0.14400000000000002,0.9337,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,8,1,11,2,0,1,0,19,20,14,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,7,4,13,16,4,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.1794317695614656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029064438228325,0.0,0.0,0.19922437071211133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352477349244287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816407852028386,0.0,0.0,0.2132322192542091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986131782302814,0.0,0.0,0.18594160903996246,0.26271524711449795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885400406081512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914735621793512,0.20210160811177072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966036335749822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505828855911345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703329801481418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801547385571344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398423347909915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210984829540863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738943672062226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477887073731684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141640600741366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845199896836992,0.14594840176900642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,StopSirCatnip,2018/11/07,"Boss essentially told me I look like shit So quick run down, we have an important visit on Thursday (I’m off tomorrow, Wednesday.) and when my boss was leaving she shouted across a jam packed store “StopSirCatnip you’re beautiful regardless, but for this visit you need to. Well. You know, actually look nice” 

So I took that as, you look like shit and you need to fix it. She already scheduled one of my eccentric coworkers to be off that day, so the new regional manager wouldn’t see her. 

But like. I come in and bust my ass. I’ve been going through severe depression and spent the past month or so contemplating and planning my suicide, so I haven’t been 100% on keeping up with my looks. (I do, however; keep my hair pulled back and wear a clean uniform and sometimes wear makeup.) 

So on Thursday my plan is to look just like the lady in the handbook and confront my boss. So I guess I’m wondering if any of you guys have advice on how to approach her and explain why that wasn’t okay? I’m extremely embarrassed and I just want to hide. ",3.8697598522167485,5.531421551724138,4.703937807881776,83.93551262315272,72.39901477832512,8.424753694581282,29.43626847290641,9.017664075816787,2.4134435960591127,817,34,163,17,16,264,124,203,0.149,0.725,0.126,-0.8857,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,5,0,2,14,12,3,1,7,1,11,6,6,4,0,34,34,24,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,13,0,2,3,0,2,8,3,5,1,1,7,8,26,7,23,25,0,31,0,1,6,1,15,11,3,4,16,101,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.13358948649163527,0.0,0.0,0.1337719230787964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510667130039679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309309491125428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526357948675484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792266838159585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828576083886855,0.0,0.11790721033219348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778004165872299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508049531336409,0.1355472822401618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433566105869996,0.0,0.0,0.07523375072533235,0.0,0.0,0.14495172841570195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675193556022661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5747853792961719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926804887820178,0.0,0.0,0.2030113809409716,0.0,0.13221376082652522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276339615838593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068148755425213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908735746435178,0.0,0.0,0.15465205310128774,0.2810408985033951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135392365366861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974059027729736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080875879583911,0.15209505621157893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807440448622055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308478176390247,0.0,0.12352618023463252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484564699359161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jewmarr,2018/11/07,Lithium carbonate Has anyone been on lithium? I’m on 150 once a day but Thursday I start 150 3 times a day and I’m very nervous ,-0.9403571428571418,1.1819042500000023,1.8900000000000008,93.98000000000002,95.78571428571428,4.228571428571429,24.857142857142854,5.985473137389443,0.7332571428571426,101,5,22,1,4,35,20,28,0.128,0.872,0.0,-0.4748,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188666668453253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.588203039854444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856568956275538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32278026741392196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659146665780317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37627237671299024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,parliamentsafire,2018/11/07,"Break up made me extremely bitter I know BPD makes every emotion go from 0 - 1000. But my last break up has almost ruined my ebtire personality.


After I split on my ex, I thought I'd bounce back into my usual happy-go-lucky normal self. You know, ""take a licking and keep on ticking"" is how I coped with the shitstorm of a life been dealt.


But lately I've found that I can't go back to who I was. Or thought I was. I'd describe myself more on the ""quiet borderline"" spectrum of BPD.

But I've been angry. Very very very fucking angry. The slightest thing makes me want to scream and yell and not stop. It's like a flip has been switched inside of me. Am I going to be like this forever?",1.3433738601823677,3.404720546099295,2.98324721377913,91.61250000000004,81.12765957446808,5.163323201621076,20.709726443769,6.1826913282559595,0.11702796352583622,531,15,113,4,14,175,92,141,0.14400000000000002,0.8320000000000001,0.024,-0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,6,0,11,2,0,4,0,24,26,8,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,5,0,2,5,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,9,5,17,2,15,16,1,18,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,2,9,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550589598370672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23813872876758524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900539259211224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741843438118961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046700671083647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978399530201788,0.0,0.14315545536221774,0.0,0.0,0.3520171438973865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376369542175517,0.0,0.0,0.17020198102233824,0.12622264656456714,0.17467647783729925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937446638051736,0.15130285226492646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652191913529955,0.20672589214263373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171919550500526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520822128201065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154133480789462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946074295554275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164272175222677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287483093690372,0.0,0.0,0.2458657043843256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054435624254466,0.3833000603491165,0.09133398414148533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hazeax125,2018/11/07,"I stood up for my future in DBT groups! I was on the verge of quitting DBT because of some people in my group. They are loud, talk over everyone, take time away from learning the actual skills, and argue the skills. It’s extremely distracting and honestly a waste of my money. I can’t waste money right now. The way our groups are set up is you do a mindfulness unit in a small group then transition into a big group with the rest of the skills. Well today was transition day and I was miserable from the small group and didn’t learn anything. Today when they did the same thing again, I asked to speak to the clinicians running the group. I told them how I felt and how I’m worried about it and I don’t want to spend 6 months wasting time on listening to them talk and argue skills and I want to get better and they agreed with me and said that over the next few weeks everything should be better. 

Rather than letting my bad experience ruin my therapy and my shot at a healthy life, I did something about it. If you are stuck in groups for your dbt make the most of it and reach out and ask for help. Make sure your group facilitators know that you are missing skills because of something else that you can’t control. I’m excited for my next session because it might be better than this last session. ",3.8782558139534906,5.447802523255817,4.168131782945739,88.1554534883721,72.2170542635659,7.640620155038763,25.3031007751938,8.238735603445708,1.3909110077519389,1033,32,213,16,20,322,134,258,0.12,0.77,0.11,-0.7023,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,1,6,5,10,9,14,2,2,17,0,20,1,0,5,1,37,38,18,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,10,17,0,1,4,0,3,1,4,7,1,0,11,5,30,7,37,22,5,37,0,3,0,0,32,19,0,4,15,141,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.1290765386755251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884702322537322,0.0,0.24730937912521386,0.0,0.12427211423511975,0.0,0.1104400096581574,0.2418918781940273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509464673474113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483521657609086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530327290486228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049469710593827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638975010107384,0.11887583822143692,0.12938553971214248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700003996804496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910566868119287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865786076609626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269218851149059,0.1078177864132678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352551401509296,0.0934262842385221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658263942140756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031767500658476,0.1335550963437797,0.0,0.10557673292583172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134150660439233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169943388123293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406855341792032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295794379708995,0.12581915588298934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365597222362733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466300512118345,0.0,0.09945065495901867,0.2126273942421774,0.0,0.0,0.15126238828809974,0.0,0.08787437794359923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542555195098924,0.0,0.25075318018735226,0.12638975010107384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560326654916424,0.10498984974405533,0.10609909685188083,0.0,0.1189267060676344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432670841180838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reganhoskin445,2018/11/07,I'm am the self proclaimed king of the good times Dare to challenge me,3.968,4.570144466666669,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,71.0,6.0,28.333333333333336,3.1291,0.5283333333333338,57,2,13,0,1,17,14,15,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5744577577036937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7144952609259453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993680091449611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fake_kvlt,2018/11/07,"compulsive hair changing Does anybody else do this? I've always had major hair commitment issues, especially when I get anxious/upset. I used to dye my hair a different color every month, and I'd always end up randomly chopping it off whenever I freaked out about something. I don't know why, but it always makes me feel better, maybe because I feel like I regained control over something? Or maybe b/c it's cathartic in the same way that self harm is (cutting a part of myself), but also socially acceptable?

idk I always just thought it was a weird thing I did, but I was wondering if anybody else does something similar!",5.0774358974358975,6.900054350427354,5.919316239316242,75.77846153846156,69.5982905982906,8.618803418803418,34.367521367521356,9.150863307647796,3.432018803418804,497,25,82,10,9,163,86,117,0.08800000000000001,0.8,0.11199999999999999,0.5693,1,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,1,0,4,0,7,3,3,3,1,20,15,8,0,1,6,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,6,12,3,8,10,3,9,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,4,4,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715679478008305,0.4876022635170253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550442733622414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930564830952349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956822702107348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497863002744675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431332594109768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306236125099812,0.0,0.0,0.25640802034911003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447655696458328,0.0,0.1297563999948058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343340893911214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815061240788507,0.10466034189404258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654072459373852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290897924725233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051311689989255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157298733258798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779055343738906,0.0,0.29435988614416303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693569851212506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586463038862746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283249108417482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933931765667174,0.0,0.3383508758250608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732875304421436,0.0,0.0,0.1163054277034036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652982433756432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628567276398742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219436348106156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887408248637458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,postymaloney98,2019/07/10,"How were those of you who got DBT, meds, or other therapy convinced to do it? I am 100% convinced my mother has BPD and that my entire life I was her FP that she went back and forth on. One second I'm her shining accomplishment, the next we were having a blowout over something insignificant. Normal teenage behavior was seen as a personal violation of her trust and met with severe punishments and threats of suicide (which she does at least 2-3 times per year). When we fight she always says ""I killed her daughter"" and that ""she doesn't know me""(textbook abandonment complex). I could give more examples,  but she checks every single box, so I'm not looking for any suggestions about the diagnosis. She wants a pass on her behavior because of her trauma and general ""issues"", but gets extremely offended if I suggest she work on her issues.

She convinced my immediate family (dad and siblings) that I was horrible to her my whole childhood and the problem is that I think she was a ""bad mother"", which in my opinion she was because she never cared about teaching me anything and only cared about punishing me and leveraging her hurt feelings to illicit guilt. My siblings do not get this treatment, my dad does to an extent but cares far more about keeping her calm and addressing her other health issues (epilepsy and brain surgeries, which do complicate things) than he does about her long term mental health or her treatment of me. The only way I  could ever please my mom is to basically suck it up and claim that our problems are largely my fault, and I admittedly have too much pride and resentment to do it. There are a litany of other problematic behaviors from my parents but these are the gist. 

We go long periods of time without speaking, and when we do it takes less than a week for her to be back on her bullshit. I love my mother very much and want a relationship with her, but I cannot handle the emotional rollercoaster while I'm trying to finish college, work two jobs, and have friends. I don't want to be in her life until she's gone to therapy or made some effort to get better.

My question for all of you is this: what motivated you to see a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or do anything to try to get better? I see so many posts about strategies that y'all use to cope and could see many of them working for my mom but she just won't listen, and my immediate family will not back me up. Thanks in advance for your help and your many posts about positive relationships and coping strategies make me hopeful for the future.",10.525626304801671,7.907153478079332,9.763026096033403,67.72407985386225,59.10438413361169,13.087306889352815,41.27776617954071,11.407655852321104,4.588584050104384,2032,83,364,42,20,650,248,479,0.146,0.733,0.121,-0.9191,2,0,1,0,1,1,54.0,5,6,1,10,19,32,9,1,16,0,34,6,1,5,3,73,72,41,2,11,16,9,1,0,1,2,4,3,1,1,24,28,0,2,7,0,1,5,9,17,0,3,13,10,74,15,56,52,12,41,0,2,6,1,69,12,1,9,21,267,98,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610634779402651,0.0,0.0,0.054026749267487004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130756380459108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326973728880408,0.06633500619888025,0.09686042397814654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052899946329142,0.0,0.0,0.10006083555018552,0.08868923326156976,0.0,0.0,0.2430048260681126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029612315934127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085740658558398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936728910198767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186444627256283,0.06693760444732916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497913019721432,0.0,0.04017083858098911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061380628872740324,0.0,0.1660313132725663,0.07621289325976421,0.04515161520702818,0.0,0.0635410998669463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688970947134231,0.0,0.0,0.053251713411671744,0.0,0.0,0.07890889194431447,0.0,0.0,0.08504975885021906,0.0,0.0,0.24876637995989534,0.07883898335275745,0.07061622881537602,0.08789644005626815,0.0,0.04366204594191405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223166610150603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406163588496192,0.06671555092126928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170410547129642,0.07517476267145477,0.05303155313409784,0.2416406552349,0.0,0.0,0.0882478129866852,0.0,0.08006398606399441,0.0,0.0,0.18609495599603648,0.0,0.0,0.11680551292115388,0.0,0.0612744977742196,0.0,0.08449288732575817,0.0,0.07784128533192994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383540798839425,0.12084619223597727,0.0,0.0,0.08821659757470914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937013933539149,0.0,0.08720905329636046,0.0,0.0,0.15217671248369166,0.0,0.0,0.15204028157475033,0.0,0.0,0.08899892923336136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059289654986695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317951908002087,0.0,0.0,0.1899271470863978,0.0,0.0,0.08975260414932515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061162255516406736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690222764415823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973432847035185,0.0,0.0,0.07314421144254757,0.1817093550753305,0.09224420120947864,0.05278112002755375,0.050906490835485915,0.0,0.0,0.09265248051474073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078787255414634,0.0,0.07760826814663943,0.0,0.0,0.06861678215883878,0.0,0.06555217412463635,0.14057986591073332,0.06306140641555982,0.06372766780037364,0.0,0.0,0.0736482534346726,0.0,0.0886998448579663,0.0,0.07658416494396514,0.0,0.1735152951082699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511613246987188
bpd,fafa444,2019/07/10,"What’s your episode like? How long it stay? I had whole month doing very good, no relapse and stable. Didn’t go crazy with bf. Then I got this again. Feel like My brain gonna explode and wanna drug my self or harm my self or hang my self. Cuz it wont go away and feel like I’m will scream and going crazy. 

What’s everyone’s episode like? How long they usually stay?",-0.9703846153846172,1.131377730769234,0.25782051282051377,104.7913461538462,98.6153846153846,3.6256410256410256,14.192307692307693,5.46131890053228,-1.2289692307692306,285,6,70,2,12,88,53,78,0.153,0.66,0.18600000000000005,0.4357,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,3,0,13,13,10,0,1,2,0,2,4,1,3,1,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,3,3,8,5,3,7,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,10,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549426206398746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409914535608168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912484868553992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758289156993324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166771473357674,0.23562993275697586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811741673268839,0.13832247545761295,0.1318972072516393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32227561819867423,0.0,0.0,0.2918883221253005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163319686647426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161254341262821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515538725013966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816300453547426,0.13607175063726562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412117267276515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jackeduptriangle,2019/07/10,DAE have limitless revenge/grudges? Sometimes I feel very scared of myself. There are times where I get so angry at someone that I think I could watch them die a horrible death in front of me and I’d probably laugh. And even then I don’t think it would be enough. I want people to suffer 10000000 times worse than I have. It’s taxing to feel that way all the time. The anger builds up and then goes away and then something reminds me of it and I’m pissed off all over again. I wish I could just let shit go but I can’t. You make me hurt even just a little bit and I want to watch you burn alive. What’s wrong with me?,0.30254452926208586,2.490484801526719,1.1472977099236632,102.39204071246824,86.48091603053436,4.409363867684479,16.366921119592874,5.6839178017228535,-0.902114910941476,483,10,117,3,15,148,87,131,0.23800000000000002,0.688,0.07400000000000001,-0.9697,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,0,8,8,3,1,4,0,10,2,2,1,2,23,21,11,2,6,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,0,4,19,1,14,16,4,18,0,2,2,0,3,8,2,0,7,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812724200239448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536452654151507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857503330236061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571944632239645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490079581817007,0.0,0.236386518387703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096265407483192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349278036839548,0.0,0.10170009405151156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191567199411712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18298613345548675,0.0,0.0,0.17935259305091975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944897024627313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405979415835568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929358721812281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915785179676508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836872285771796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162179400836232,0.13776267160987246,0.17698383756375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932490375207926,0.0,0.0,0.3130375050565716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765058222587935,0.21109596366695102,0.14204034416214512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578100806151506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236298040482904,0.12711930218278825,0.1956512034371735,0.0,0.0
bpd,phatsmoke247,2019/07/10,"My whole life has been flipped upside down I've been with my partner (24m) for nearly 5 years. We learned of my BPD diagnosis together and worked through it, he was always supportive of medication I was trying, therapies etc.  I was convinced we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, no question about it. Hes been the only person who has given me any form of stability in my entire life. People told me they looked up to us as a couple. 
I've now been blindisighted with ""I don't love you anymore"". 
I don't know how to rebuild my life. 
I need to find a place to live. I need to either defer from my studies or transfer my accreditations to another institute
I need to find a job. I don't even have another emergency contact to use- (thanks to my case manager for reminding me of that one). 
I'm terrified of being alone with my awful thoughts. He's made it clear he's not kicking me out and won't abandon me, yet also told me he needs some space. No where feels like home. 
Someone please tell me this pain gets better. I've gone through so much and yet this hurts the most.",2.7000072098053347,4.5609970684931564,4.207546262917571,85.42620043258833,76.03196347031962,7.532900745013219,26.13818793559241,8.371475516178862,1.7480447488584478,854,32,175,16,19,284,138,219,0.129,0.7929999999999999,0.078,-0.9093,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,1,1,2,9,9,0,0,6,1,17,6,0,3,1,30,37,8,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,1,5,0,1,2,7,9,0,1,7,0,1,2,7,3,0,1,14,2,31,6,31,21,8,14,0,2,1,1,20,8,0,4,5,115,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018068144483402,0.0,0.10051714121827372,0.10458715961010352,0.0,0.0,0.08547597072613193,0.2636014366303441,0.0,0.0,0.12465429456460858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116579108643107,0.0,0.0,0.15830671225423856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907759802274666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018161011742145,0.0830194495048569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355447013094942,0.08979554609584403,0.0,0.0,0.22976338016146225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566972779837225,0.0,0.07143457994419936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608094768095665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455761814862285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473152141311035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907792549754614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663433596219648,0.06140755291767775,0.0,0.22197953571246806,0.0,0.10555098270470913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344339800759387,0.11893434086947917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662309689318876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239927201309267,0.3728009015260336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517324880056394,0.09559566076042916,0.13374687203082986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714012869228274,0.10975081935325587,0.13132307869935478,0.1379738479120255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080561893783786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064997949744994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263562861737572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986176264733373,0.11572179634749308,0.1437416069416396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997866928918594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402112777153592,0.0,0.08533771614410009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119394668161382,0.10855892946829306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033243615963026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150645119500753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809425692189388
bpd,cinnamongenderroll,2019/07/10,"I think i might have BPD My mood is constantly in motion, i can have 3+ extream moods in a day and they always seem unporportionally extreme. Whenever i feel very elated i just feel crazy like i can never stop and breath for a second and i just want to do everything, almost shaking. Whenever i feel low i just spiral and feel worse and worse until i'm suicidal but then i whatch an episode of fresh prince of bel air and eat some food and i feel fine again. I have a lot of difficulty with relationships, the only long term friends i have i'm not emotionallt close with. I feel like everyone hates me most of the time and usually i hate them back but sometimes i'm in a good mood and then they are not that bad. Sometimes i feel love towards people. I also experience dissociation and have been for a long time and i know that that can be a symptom. Also a lot of paranoia. I don't know, it's hard to describe how i feel but i am scared about bringing these things up to a therapist because of the bad reputation of the disorder. can anyone recognize themselves in this? Should i see someone about it? I know that this text is a fucking mess but i really think that it's the best that i can do.",1.4438368533823085,3.8587110206611577,3.216299357208449,87.9673446587083,83.42148760330579,6.560391796755433,22.599326599326602,7.793537801064563,1.169557820630548,945,33,197,18,27,314,129,242,0.14400000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.174,0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,10,19,3,2,15,0,21,6,1,1,1,48,45,21,1,2,9,0,9,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,13,14,2,1,14,0,0,3,4,9,0,1,1,10,30,7,23,41,6,27,0,1,1,2,6,9,1,7,17,136,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258413936494192,0.0,0.0,0.1798232317136629,0.09355220815523152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861488152940814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645306229298842,0.18775160071562705,0.06853734057613721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179901667682108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416038312197186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149876072378502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250916621495829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885650606926596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504573095651167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743333855626816,0.10104639152772,0.1099798083393946,0.0,0.0,0.4547908971656709,0.0803212521602849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595289721980364,0.0,0.08686447762767648,0.10394132499203593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430240293048532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071674847383053,0.22200611805326026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536861950844266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985693070304996,0.0,0.0,0.1989970904778832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911708767431184,0.10147402820582917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927230073922546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671428329760261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550939893134475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794600683759816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202664681618286,0.0,0.0,0.12070960429974885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256377810312126,0.0,0.08959353421407999,0.10235362662408028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526304208935947,0.0,0.2223957166216092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399796272663702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298206694235553,0.0,0.0,0.11685961940516475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305419071032388,0.07469464722009883,0.1440834287785024,0.0,0.0,0.13111969474127866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382766910916042,0.0927679541130256,0.0663151488320655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22915508145073304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hayliibaylii,2019/07/10,"I’m so angry guys, and feeling unstable. So I work at a restaurant. And up until now I thought we were family. I thought we all had each others backs. But my depression has ramped up recently, as well as my BPD. And I did ask for a week off next week cause I thought I could make it until then but I can’t. I’ve released all my shifts on our online portal and sent the message out that I would really appreciate them picked up, through 3 different channels. The online portal, slack, and text message.

And no one is willing to help me out even though I’ve vaguely told them about the circumstances. Cause I don’t want to tell them everything cause I hate being an attention seeker. 

I’ve picked up shifts for every one of them without asking anything in return. But now that I’m on the edge of a mental breakdown and no one seems to give a flying shit to help me out, I’m so angry. 

I’m going to work in about an hour but I’m so angry I don’t think I can work with anyone and not blow up on them.

I know this is my BPD acting up and it’s not just stuff at work but a lot of things outside of work that are causing it. But I’m truly hurt and taken aback that people who I thought had my back clearly don’t give two shits.

I really need some time off to cool down and evaluate my life and where I’m going. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost my identity. My sense of self.

Thank you to anyone who read this. I’m just so angry and sad and don’t have anyone to vent to. I feel alone.

 I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the rest of my shifts this week without either blowing up at one of my coworkers or blowing up at a customer. 

I really don’t think it’s safe for me to go to work. But I guess I have to if I want to keep my job. Cause I guess I want to keep living. 

I hope everyone else on this sub is doing ok! Thank you for reading.",1.4688560606060648,2.7787127249999983,3.3857727272727303,92.37746969696973,78.0,6.448484848484849,21.37121212121212,7.106945922332613,0.3949416666666665,1430,37,334,16,33,483,176,400,0.136,0.747,0.11699999999999999,-0.9172,2,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,3,2,5,7,18,15,3,0,13,2,25,3,2,10,3,78,73,35,0,8,16,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,18,21,0,3,14,3,0,6,14,7,1,5,12,4,50,8,61,57,7,46,0,4,0,0,25,25,2,8,16,223,68,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031988635822794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626772752079059,0.0,0.06381821364980148,0.0,0.14500022441526475,0.0,0.0,0.1192645152639172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534660591546185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983333717796874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061918501169227126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667949273383735,0.0,0.0,0.08102473147534267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478426307053188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122198375170175,0.0,0.06534041898110668,0.0741037084532331,0.06969821880849039,0.0,0.07310858008286426,0.0,0.11763698949383138,0.055402752373435366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878878377769764,0.1762970443689755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086327220275216,0.07678810178476027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656597508806075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039621687841649,0.0,0.0,0.07702606186083953,0.07637253050570443,0.0,0.08302040270784047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695782134490786,0.1378625367835814,0.0,0.0,0.1278607024693498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477686381643938,0.037887708200197566,0.0,0.0684793276713377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465653967579176,0.06593144691068742,0.0,0.0,0.10353235463415314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815359449911742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750339780158716,0.0,0.0,0.08247681858905784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102034061734848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053764392351652215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551448198358143,0.0,0.14904428294578936,0.0,0.07657267473540824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059990323682806,0.08090304794459859,0.0,0.15921084335518304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877782577906222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778336227013677,0.14279786261127286,0.0,0.0,0.051521719747322836,0.09938364145271518,0.07619387974174842,0.2462686704104849,0.045220858637357,0.0,0.0,0.0741037084532331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575647200057263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722551643064693,0.0,0.18662122206845755,0.0,0.06972804318935394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951360945981773,0.0,0.33875015921508983,0.0,0.0,0.055090306125285086,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,razmataz1897,2019/07/10,"My deepest darkest moments. It comes back, that old familiar feeling, without notice. An unnatural hush falls all around me. A dreadful lull embraces the senses. I don’t hear people speak anymore. I am in a trance; the memories are vivid and they drag me in. A stream of thoughts of the days gone by flash in front of my eyes. It amazes me to this day how deeply I get affected by the smallest of triggers. A voice, a song, a sound from across the room. For a brief moment, which seems like a lifetime, I become someone else. Everything gets foggy, just a singular feeling stays, dominating everything else. Describing that singular feeling is very difficult; It is not anger or sadness. The closest comparison would be akin to a panic attack, gripping my senses, morphing my reality to such an extent that I almost forget telling myself; it’s all in your head, it’s not real.

And every time it creeps up, from the deepest pits of my self created internal hell, I feel like I’m slipping into an abyss. The abyss of ruthless thoughts where i stand in the darkness with the voices. The voices taunt and whisper things, the could haves and would haves. The I wish’s and the what if’s. I guess I know now why we fear the unknown, the what if. The reality doesn’t hurt that much, it is what if that does.
The voices tell me of what I could have done differently (what if you didn’t drink that day), of how my actions led to this day. what if you could have just said something different, What if You didn’t do that one thing, or what if you just restrain yourself. What if you knew better and not acted like that. And like a fast forwarded movie each of these voices spring into life in form of a dark tree. The tree has countless leafless branches. Each branch an embodiment of impossible futures that could have happened. They spring into life front of my eyes each leading to an outcome which doesn’t hurt as bad as it does now.

The first time it happened it knocked the breath out of me. I felt pain like I never felt before, paralysing my body. But those are days of the Past. I’m stronger now. I know this feeling this mirage all too well. I know what I need to do to get out of the trance; To break the spell. It’s surprisingly simple now that I think if it. All I have to think is those two words. “It’s over”. Hope is a great thing but sometimes it drives you insane. And I have no hope of redemption or reconciliation. The moment I say those two words, the web of endless branches made of the what ifs shatter as if it they were made of crystals. And suddenly, as abruptly as it started, it stops. The fog clears and the senses slowly return.

Once the storm passes, I’m left with a huge wreckage of broken thoughts scattered all along my head. And it’s the kind of mess you don’t want to clean up. The what ifs are like little glass shards, embedded in the grey matter, painful to strip out. No matter how much I want to just give up and forget I know it is not safe to leave them in. That kind of psychological gangrene can make any sane man do crazy things. I’m picking them up again, Like I have done a 1000 times, One at a time. Each shard of thought makes me wince. Some hurt more than the others, the ones which have the most promising what ifs. I pick them up and throw them out one by one knowing full well that this is not the last time I clean them up. You see some wounds leave deep scars. And the ones I am talking about are like cancer. You can clean them away surgically and just hope with all your might that they don’t metastasise.",3.7260910395200217,5.3585713730272575,3.9626936220164346,89.22354480239994,72.71592539454807,6.7907551845571925,25.44173731576888,7.348242739294969,1.030551449067432,2785,89,576,30,55,863,307,697,0.1,0.7879999999999999,0.111,-0.4875,2,0,2,0,0,0,87.0,1,11,10,3,21,36,3,3,59,0,46,13,6,13,8,132,94,41,0,26,29,0,8,8,0,3,6,13,4,2,62,33,1,3,20,2,0,14,16,15,2,9,16,26,64,21,80,70,19,84,1,4,5,0,32,35,1,26,42,398,126,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655600928313703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519909896321371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591632418270757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059168752734901436,0.0,0.0756145695446597,0.062446911681539374,0.05110818316846783,0.05549625973356374,0.0,0.07340637717659304,0.05655759515319962,0.0,0.0,0.058783697335693524,0.0,0.07382864389497427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725449737455904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212270487480446,0.0,0.0,0.2143250713171972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888546172360386,0.0,0.0,0.11632953393886422,0.13603540766145306,0.0,0.06511128933236596,0.0,0.0,0.1110474805055339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600039700326788,0.0,0.11947055083392386,0.0,0.0,0.07479262894499218,0.16803580939766807,0.04748326038257023,0.1276353963759186,0.0,0.0,0.056535870280204924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417708627689737,0.06376015865152115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327890196052858,0.0732196948369605,0.0,0.11755117188273767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642640101855305,0.0,0.07491191273977812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804694143693224,0.0,0.0,0.21345939849365952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842803734003228,0.18263963335034386,0.054178588875618175,0.0,0.14075560649897648,0.07221540720952788,0.0,0.09389367770052184,0.2597750958858753,0.06661630444128946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578330488478914,0.08873302394758377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050982847138891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977201850852305,0.04928363111440797,0.05126260836287018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567188065863703,0.06974479324146132,0.07078402642517569,0.27023413028369314,0.0,0.14144883184330054,0.07798342614381251,0.0,0.0,0.06344923320312285,0.04607909412399958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565275840968574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632243022791548,0.05285636048927768,0.0,0.0,0.0529647260128917,0.06050806945082288,0.06933844126377534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056316351036686314,0.051168705824081104,0.0657364859006371,0.0,0.04704491418500115,0.07084381797834431,0.0,0.055568478074436004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342278189697328,0.11618827232930905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766279926044219,0.08517734449471105,0.0,0.21106603733964152,0.19378403720160503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298550751205226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484133777592115,0.07840663322872916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195216731620258,0.0,0.0599751469246507,0.0,0.0764325179138581,0.06407076674517774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443095291260932,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FurElise97,2019/07/10,"Trazodone for BPD? Does trazodone works for you? My psychiatrist gave it to me because I can't sleep at night and I woke up several times. He also said it would alleviate some symptoms. I’m also on Aripiprazole 1/4 15 mg and honestly, it's doing nothing to my paranoia. I wanted to know your opinions.",2.8929885057471267,5.468860827586205,4.659310344827587,78.87505747126437,78.65517241379311,7.314942528735633,30.356321839080447,8.344100000000001,2.7248873563218394,240,12,42,5,6,81,46,58,0.0,0.907,0.09300000000000001,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,9,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,8,1,8,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43740408256971336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671100997789226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444387763069631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393243923983343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029758239174926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566426699833678,0.0,0.2624116566790192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014232526229064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089548170727772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736777343510876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842506728872133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594685214990835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130572540010527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909686471905966,0.0,0.0,0.19427250900259727,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Holzorr,2019/07/10,"Loving someone with bpd. I’m not really sure how to explain this. I’m not great with my words but I will do my best. 
Me and my better half are going through a hard time currently, as she isn’t doing too good in herself and she’s going through a super rough patch. 
This is fairly new to me.
Obviously I do what I can to support her and understand to the extent that I can. Because I don’t know what it’s like to go through what she does. 
But I want to make it bearable and do everything I can to help.
I know everyone is different, so I may not be able to get an accurate or necessarily right answer. But I just want to know what I can try to do to support her? Is there any platform that supports couples that deal with this?
Should I research extensively? 
Is there a good book I can read on loving somebody with bpd?
We’ve been together for a few years, we want to get married and share a life together.
So I love her and care for her with every inch of me. I just want to do my best. Whatever it takes.
Does anyone have any advise for me?

Feel free to PM if need be.

If you took the time to read this, Thank you,",1.461961499493416,3.1480408212765987,3.3862006079027367,90.7166666666667,79.08510638297872,6.688956433637284,23.105369807497468,7.62386473244151,0.8845157041540017,863,28,196,13,21,291,122,235,0.02,0.677,0.303,0.9977,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,2,0,4,8,19,0,0,8,0,25,4,0,2,2,42,54,16,0,8,11,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,14,12,0,0,7,3,1,4,5,0,0,1,2,3,34,20,30,47,4,14,0,0,0,3,19,5,0,4,6,138,48,5,0.11375631605330895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471639157308728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954106115056485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934479441814484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23876047098194375,0.1006082172401823,0.0,0.0,0.286544195681031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598214567738716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586920003327493,0.0,0.0,0.11727776682788567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885113847803964,0.0,0.0,0.19909783753707355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584460254459357,0.10869903490876373,0.10223684181911154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751861139141124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886596003810952,0.0,0.19395100778528304,0.1908268015473128,0.0,0.1254167400438474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190331516617786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624846077030366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875524889546676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034945020239355,0.05557558997017576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30800854974365177,0.0,0.07593322429785443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434886695248169,0.0,0.10986655890475852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275742002559829,0.0,0.07287520896069803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714727235557476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638535743877016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872679581518807,0.10721398162954182,0.0,0.0855305925238786,0.0,0.0,0.1047315321788216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266444538949065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263874527729154,0.07723307143949794,0.0,0.0,0.1184243368434524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26838569013104474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325533789100598
bpd,throwawayacebpd,2019/07/10,"recently diagnosed with bpd. i'm a bit overwhelmed over my possible first FP. throwaway account. i'm sorry if this is long or annoying and thanks for reading this.

i (26f) recently started going to a psychologist to get help with what i thought was depression and anxiety. 2 months passed and i wasn't feeling better so he told me i should consider going to a psychiatrist.

i went scared as fuck and obviously anxious/stressed/freaking out about it. i've never been on meds before. she asked me a few questions, gave me lamotrigine and quetiapine, told me what i had was serious and if i didn't comply with the treatment i could end up hospitalized and diagnosed me with bpd, almost like an after-thought.

at first i didn't want to trust the diagnosis (but i still took the meds) because i had a lot of misconceptions about it. i never engaged in impulsive destructive behavior such as binge drinking or having sex with strangers (i'm asexual) and i considered my relationship with others rather stable and normal. but the more i read the more things clicked and i had a sudden realization that i had normalized a lot of my behaviors for a long time (maybe more than 10 years). i don't want to go into details because i don't want this to be too long.

what made me realize and what worries me the most is that i think my psychologist is my first fp. i'm extremely emotionally attached to him. he has crossed a few boundaries with me (he has hugged me in sessions, for example, or contacted me through email, texts and calls that are against the rules of the treatment center) that fueled that attachment. 

after i told this to my friends they found it weird and told me he had other intentions with me, which triggered a lot of stress and anxiety and paranoia. i started taking everything he did as signs that he was interested in me in other ways. i even thought he was constantly watching me in the street or monitoring what i did online. i was in a lot of distress because romantic/sexual attraction wasn't what i wanted from him and it made me feel extremely bad that his intentions to help me were possibly fueled by that. this lasted for a few days until i ended up calling him and clearing that misunderstanding but i ended up being even more attached to him after that. 

i constantly want to text him and call him. i never do this because i'm scared i'll lose him. i constantly go to our whatsapp conversation to see if he's online. i constantly think of him and want him to hug me.  i want to hurt myself so he feels worried.

i don't know what to do. i know this is unhealthy and i should look for another therapist but that would mean i won't be able to see him anymore. this is the first time i've felt like this.",4.582557142857143,6.225911748571434,5.621702380952383,78.13483928571429,70.56190476190477,9.288095238095238,31.410714285714285,9.704964791036993,3.1282428571428573,2168,96,404,53,40,716,231,525,0.145,0.785,0.07,-0.9839,0,0,1,0,0,2,50.0,1,0,1,6,10,25,3,5,23,0,40,7,0,5,5,86,87,37,0,17,12,0,4,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,36,30,1,0,14,3,1,8,11,14,0,4,31,9,74,11,63,48,13,57,0,4,5,4,40,16,1,14,34,294,110,3,0.06767992097709506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777166451423074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096829826550279,0.10354990859877547,0.07645904638051762,0.06712029547200603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327158999582369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650990702368657,0.16502820658128822,0.0,0.05759062788978661,0.0,0.0,0.0598573901538005,0.07388894476113703,0.0,0.1704809824453992,0.0,0.2073262991592497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29255180337528885,0.0,0.05403690973491815,0.0,0.0,0.04364795001006119,0.0,0.05829261676521229,0.137387390281214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630055654253507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613080163091156,0.17983296456264194,0.0,0.0,0.08940389900166898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082634894771599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266300480033128,0.0,0.06498333776692679,0.0,0.0,0.23027402483525364,0.0,0.07420754003241686,0.052289339059600745,0.06256899636360709,0.03535996532480793,0.0,0.1538562351026964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907288487988826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245275519540048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439022917233537,0.055168168715054366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612998148910294,0.0,0.0,0.1796838009054591,0.056834087997094274,0.07571651972004516,0.0,0.23015619423139444,0.0,0.12808075532111196,0.0,0.0,0.0679935774211595,0.07372327499277055,0.1503542697190685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402146721980718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659678217695058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326239054994125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525978836133691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581700077190627,0.0,0.135396472249793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336515139967543,0.07266290662604243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551881551149578,0.0,0.1078642689396734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576213049711551,0.09580839282845884,0.0,0.054049272318026094,0.0,0.07752712081267871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088687770468495,0.0,0.0,0.062310578151555336,0.0,0.07858160468386095,0.044963532172149726,0.08673312113337893,0.0,0.1611908920058383,0.07892941237850236,0.0,0.0,0.2586842594116385,0.07519488247279993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794355964300478,0.05372117103060363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273996480188024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746449002756805,0.0,0.04807787403033156,0.0,0.0,0.04358365013587714
bpd,saynotospiltends,2019/07/10,"I just need some help Before this summer I viewed my borderline as a gift, something that makes me special from everyone else, these past two months have made me feel like, because of my borderline, I will never be able to feel happy in life. Monday I was fired from my job because I am ""too emotional"" and in all honesty because I wasn't able to mask my distaste for my workplace, last month I got an abortion that I am still struggling with and I have started having suicidal idealizations. I am not made for this life. My boyfriend is the best thing in this world and I yell at him daily because I can't calm myself down, once he leaves I will have nothing. I feel like I have no control of my emotions which directly impacts my ability to make decisions. I am currently living on an Island that I moved to for a summer of love and growth. I was fired so now I have to book a plane ticket home, home is an empty 7 bedroom house as the girls I live with are all away for the summer. I am scared about what I am going to feel and do once I am alone.",7.418732394366195,5.528982727699534,7.453150234741787,79.56479577464792,64.44600938967136,10.397934272300473,34.445539906103285,8.841846274778883,2.6745759624413137,823,28,171,10,10,266,122,213,0.113,0.72,0.16699999999999998,0.903,2,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,10,0,2,9,0,24,3,0,5,3,25,37,8,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,2,2,1,3,1,10,7,0,1,5,2,0,3,5,2,0,1,6,8,35,8,27,28,4,24,0,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,15,123,45,2,0.241971035878828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530450926211167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366987670379113,0.0,0.0,0.2950065951555539,0.0,0.10294976476198828,0.0,0.12696683686412608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356955459764542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106787571579973,0.2721848469526377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560684711157787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446956523129546,0.17286415637993374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875885795732399,0.0,0.09676317093354901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879133356307082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109404240952421,0.0,0.24271667809880226,0.0,0.0,0.13960104387550573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005945818319873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861934484259663,0.0,0.12810619456811215,0.0,0.0,0.1709112985748973,0.1182148257012694,0.0,0.2136648577958876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919415353031296,0.2289588447634324,0.16151754538500432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313897230014093,0.12858845871681235,0.0,0.08970922855014407,0.09331148995547164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608886746033073,0.0,0.0,0.2576912561306433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549436666987588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112760955160574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931405625273746,0.0,0.0,0.0856341723065606,0.0,0.09661919090978066,0.0,0.0,0.1264803321225062,0.0,0.13233851988155695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037740218511892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818527114347985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,An0nym00us01,2019/07/10,"Normal teen angst or BPD??? Okay, so before anyone moans at me I'm WELL AWARE that self diagnosis is a bad thing. This isn't my intention, I'm just exhausted from feeling like this and feel like I finally have something I can identify with.
I'm a 17 1/2 y/o female and I've been struggling for around 5 years. In this time I've gone through a short period of an eating disorder, had bad anxiety, panic attacks, depression and am still currently self harming ( mostly cutting ). My mood changes almost daily to the point that it disrupts my life. One minute I'll want to be one thing and make changes either to my appearance or buy things to suit this, but then the next day I'll wake up wanting to be someone completely different so then I have to start from scratch. When I feel depressed I literally cannot do ANYTHING, even maintaining basic hygiene feels too hard. I just feel like I've completely lost any sense of identity.
I also have absolutely no friends as I'm scared they'll judge or dislike me however tend to fixate on one person. For example, at the moment it's a 50y/0 male teacher who always sees the best in me and likes me but his actions can make or break my day. I end up analysing everything he's said for days on end trying to pick it apart. I'm just unsure if this is normal teenage angst ( which if it is then it's fine ) or if I need to try and get better. - thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this 💜💜",5.1178576864535765,5.3913146746575356,5.850365296803652,82.01191019786913,68.34931506849314,9.365601217656012,30.605783866057838,9.2995712137729,2.4740336377473366,1143,42,234,21,18,374,176,292,0.147,0.737,0.11599999999999999,-0.7065,3,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,1,3,13,24,2,3,10,1,18,4,1,4,0,39,43,25,0,8,14,0,7,4,1,1,2,1,0,4,19,8,1,0,5,1,1,3,3,12,1,3,6,9,21,11,30,34,4,35,0,3,1,0,12,12,0,11,23,136,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027615573855025,0.0,0.0,0.08206713418615126,0.08539009722960951,0.0,0.0,0.06978678337101117,0.0,0.07850589144451521,0.0,0.0,0.14351200276003326,0.0,0.08444953029006967,0.09135573549384536,0.0,0.11674784908434005,0.0,0.0,0.17137091423347325,0.0,0.0,0.08732414431876231,0.0,0.10769592734526973,0.09076121528555024,0.0,0.0,0.12924938015223975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217121884399838,0.0,0.2151953674517548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854896667514849,0.0,0.1767771273084678,0.0,0.0,0.10721861555886716,0.11761421562241435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500838351059998,0.0,0.0,0.18178605705071668,0.0,0.0,0.067781158715812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223043867586887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25944496456780264,0.21994049098841614,0.0,0.11241787508635792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928584836948875,0.0,0.053615993231384086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192955585356306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724852695728159,0.20054457674616274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202452407762592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700256116000434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543930679977008,0.07609324449403744,0.0,0.0,0.10914013713837144,0.0,0.20109641947492066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861887893949316,0.0,0.0,0.1204053308951304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960596282125721,0.0,0.0,0.09701138339022253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265021858781499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761744787279253,0.0,0.10274297257429528,0.0,0.08177680408131363,0.0,0.21411518772517668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695166674100466,0.07900377376164956,0.0,0.0,0.0726366965325685,0.0,0.0819544191331942,0.0,0.0,0.10728326384509372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448096189374776,0.0,0.0,0.2045333824105662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967994880565945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934781107094096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105875677824796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226990475946907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608549157837429
bpd,Brandonman24,2019/07/10,"Giving Meds Another Try So about 4 years ago I was taking Zoloft and Seroquel. I had some really bad consequences arise from taking these meds that permanently affected my criminal history. After that, I ditched the meds and have tried to deal with my mental illness alone. Here I am now, with crippling anxiety in which I can barely handle any activities without my heart racing so fast that it hurts. I am going to give medication another try. I now have a wife who has agreed to observe my behavioral changes and alert me if I am showing any negative reactions as a result of the medications. I didn’t have that kind of support my first time around. Wish me luck, and I hope I find the right meds for me this time around.",7.00388686131387,7.278434233576642,7.281450729927009,73.3596943430657,64.32846715328468,11.22956204379562,33.91332116788321,10.9516,3.77815401459854,578,23,105,15,8,188,93,137,0.15,0.7290000000000001,0.121,-0.647,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,11,5,1,2,0,17,19,8,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,19,4,16,16,1,14,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,4,9,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203325915566416,0.0,0.0,0.13089742461454787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189316126326293,0.2650527620277429,0.0966846815853804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502005988845475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552674436777236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369926684580513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029806267436095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155142007249886,0.1075035751834732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424812769426475,0.07182788136717648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976761193365776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255294744917414,0.0,0.0,0.13529845966727674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131611212898365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5615438927760654,0.25464050573526176,0.12736701591779825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096588809116369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793266042153286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434209456969508,0.0,0.0,0.1900525701790851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739298579403912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25742269456049105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533726809705744,0.12183126315585607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138821931834585
bpd,FireMarshallFewtch,2019/07/10,"It's not that I don't understand that you're being nice to me and not out to get me, it's that I choose to ignore it got diagnosed with bpd a while ago. girls will flirt w me and eventually be like ""how didn't you know?"" Well, i did fucking know. I just choose to ignore it. throughout my whole life i always have had trust issues so when someone is being nice or flirting i just assume they have ulterior motives.",1.147196382428941,3.3232198953488385,2.9552713178294603,90.89425064599483,82.6046511627907,5.682687338501292,20.020671834625325,6.937597516519254,0.3183865633074938,325,9,70,4,9,108,58,86,0.08,0.765,0.155,0.7496,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,6,10,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,2,0,19,17,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,7,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,12,7,6,9,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,4,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482182692438877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23299666393247065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526717426007229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842114683223364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588713024034678,0.14629738062889364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239552597539844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922651079833242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077801568051988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778436308953665,0.13680221380343696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372575852624391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915076827269348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25176900703736793,0.0,0.0,0.3126290989123641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,YourBorderlineFriend,2019/07/10,"That look Hi, don't know if this is the right thread to post this on, but have any of you ever encountered that 'look', that split-second look of contempt and disgust someone gives you after you've done something, anything at all, even though it wasn't a mistake, didn't hurt anyone, and/or you're simply being yourself. In my mind they're judging my whole personality and I just stay there embarrassed and feeling so miserable.

I know it's not even supposed to be a big deal but with my chronic anxiety and all, I think I have become paranoid that everyone eventually will look at me that way. 

P.S. I don't mind it that much when it comes from strangers but when they come from the people whom you try so hard to impress, even family, it's just ouch",5.897074829931973,6.3071237414966,5.790884353741497,82.63625850340135,66.68707482993196,8.710204081632652,30.619047619047624,8.515128840125781,2.136953741496599,598,21,118,8,9,187,96,147,0.187,0.759,0.055,-0.9711,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,0,12,7,2,2,4,0,11,1,0,0,3,24,22,13,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,3,6,13,1,13,16,4,15,0,2,4,0,9,6,0,1,4,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021236187599215,0.0,0.114882866654917,0.0,0.0,0.105005305799969,0.0,0.12358058674158605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585562653429453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25872358504000864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482302588330685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368036563267995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975659663950644,0.13584117891669398,0.0,0.14349790203515767,0.0,0.0,0.14157088871309548,0.0,0.0759325974657534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406079509459954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452660319429416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076460764723394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650636469713926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044340871896211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30326630309988895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039533039049204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411189490639544,0.1311263357292804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382539002004235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824796267201374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272421286075023,0.11561145080060005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600657363680177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622557590406763,0.14754540790303688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195843715265472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192013051787051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676641527235176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blufaerychyld,2019/07/10,"The wall Every morning is a hike up a mountain 
To stand in front of a wall
A wall that is sometimes a barbed wire fence 
And sometimes a thousand miles high and brick
Some days it’s picket fence with a gate I can run through 
But most days
It’s a wall made of fun house mirrors 
And I can’t even look at it 
For fear that it won’t be me in the reflection 
The same way I never look in the mirror in the dark
I don’t even want to see
Who I am anymore",-0.5639423942394259,1.2943239108910944,1.3097209720972105,102.02634563456348,87.11881188118812,4.068766876687668,18.09270927092709,4.851557810540192,-0.8739584158415843,349,9,89,1,11,114,63,101,0.036000000000000004,0.9109999999999999,0.052000000000000005,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,13,0,8,0,0,1,1,14,13,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,3,6,1,13,10,3,19,0,0,3,0,1,12,0,2,3,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296279749780528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29865155694774465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058633180698367,0.0,0.19508457004040436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605497218006125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446373982306864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671689950938901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888748237689236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190911427849186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785798752647519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450942054803365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580029704841035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365697847717912,0.1837876849387841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Neyasnost,2019/07/10,"I pulled my toe nails off with pliers Went to see a band play, had a few beers, was a great evening. I don’t know what went on in my head but there i was at 3am on the kitchen floor with pliers ripping them out one by one and rather enjoying the endorphin rush. I’m usually a cutter. I don’t recognise the person i’m becoming and i’m fucking terrified of what i’ll do next. They refused to put me in inpatient ward, they won’t take me seriously. “low resources” of the NHS as usual. :(",0.9595145631068008,2.8480409223300995,3.091077669902916,91.24651941747575,81.52427184466019,6.838446601941747,23.89223300970874,7.908726449838941,1.1948299029126217,377,14,86,7,10,128,70,103,0.163,0.754,0.083,-0.8569,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,3,6,1,0,8,0,7,5,2,0,0,9,16,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,5,2,1,1,3,0,5,3,3,0,2,5,1,11,3,15,10,1,17,0,1,1,1,6,9,1,0,3,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513172178630313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029828927684613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037143167645966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25088078825187177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353763573270164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505857471949652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24200790033869665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30839504870788204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986927219333285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22875617084043975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813323051540283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710934478486549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012405611271351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218925341874009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,misa-bear,2019/07/10,"Sister has had 3 mental breakdowns over 5 weeks, what do i do? i don't know what to do, they are really bad and her mood swings are constant. we've just recently switched her GP because her old one was terrible. they have scheduled her for a diagnosis test thing to identify if shes bipolar or BPD or anything else. the next step would be treatment but it is taking so much time in between the schedules. is there any immediate help i can get if she has another breakdown because i feel helpless when she does",6.025933333333335,6.2961542600000024,6.368000000000002,79.09233333333337,66.4,9.466666666666667,35.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,3.1798666666666664,406,19,78,7,6,131,79,100,0.086,0.878,0.036000000000000004,-0.5989,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,17,1,0,0,0,10,21,8,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,1,13,0,6,17,1,12,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,4,9,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600734351761343,0.2468271908486388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370611109377725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965410182669469,0.28698341116239273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964657672408109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25437322568549786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599158542063006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966383410280237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902037810434438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229816851036168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577771161581088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936431999891576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23721799769416066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303891085717668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503401908417888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470024601352397,0.0,0.15950651867179808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079701535059212,0.0,0.23241946445630104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698416591469932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638281610140964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725794198865232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881585212657426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721447292543992,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Marianzillaa,2019/07/10,I started to clean my room. It hasnt been spotless for about a year now. Just a bunch of clutter and clothes everywhere. I recently got a puppy and have been confining him to a very small section in my room. I am doing this for me and him but mostly him. He is the only thing that makes me happy these days. Giving him room to run around that’s not just outside or in the kitchen will make me happy. I love my dog. He really is the only thing I can stand to be around for longer than a couple hours.,1.807904761904762,3.390592838095237,3.2323809523809537,92.66761904761907,77.76190476190476,6.19047619047619,21.19047619047619,6.937597516519254,0.3386190476190474,388,10,87,4,9,127,69,105,0.0,0.8079999999999999,0.192,0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,8,0,11,2,0,2,0,14,17,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,7,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,15,3,14,12,3,17,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,2,6,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38370412669024506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23846078919510175,0.0,0.13898791256602047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067394939236432,0.0,0.0,0.1723652556407985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588347182041619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122366741031728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450869588242709,0.0,0.287712904942722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278143573464768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806300379228567,0.0,0.2127928681348752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254105315900626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863542263387702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782061176880432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878316285179476
bpd,hypoxia_,2019/07/10,"I’m a 24 year old transwoman who has BPD and is contemplating suicide. This is the only place I feel comfortable saying this. If someone has the patience for me, I would appreciate the support.",4.849166666666665,7.049614472222222,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,70.94444444444444,8.133333333333335,34.22222222222222,8.841846274778883,3.264455555555555,155,8,26,3,3,51,29,36,0.109,0.68,0.21100000000000002,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115176903288866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520960094453774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34285874840261943,0.0,0.0,0.2485005528913845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34137383856754416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25983682451722045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768458078898201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35740061341605306,0.3707807686193656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210677687432746,0.0,0.0,0.2104098977229053
bpd,tatianannne,2019/07/10,does anyone find it hard to listen to music out loud or through headphones full blast does anyone hate listening to music through a speaker or something because they need to be fully aware of there surroundings lol? every time i try do it i have to take it off 2 minutes,4.815769230769232,6.573395961538466,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,70.15384615384616,6.7384615384615385,30.30769230769231,7.1686216300943375,1.8980230769230768,218,9,38,2,4,68,40,52,0.096,0.851,0.053,-0.3182,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,10,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174614412768686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197379695531835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224702123096098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515142829257472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27284003624265696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674134855935442,0.2947247143663488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134730828772567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22981373422819235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444837868516013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406824153897993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267412108282645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Babby_Bebby,2019/07/10,"I'm pretty sure I was traumatized on my birthday This friday is my birthday, and I just wish it was saturday already. Every year when it comes around I feel so empty and depressed and anxious and sad and lost. I have bad dreams as well. Not really nightmares, just really depressing dreams that cause me to wake up tired and depressed in the morning.

I can usually feel it coming in the days, weeks leading up to it. Just this sense of dread that starts building in June, sometimes May. Funnily enough, I'm actually usually quite alright once the day itself is behind me. But the period leading up to my birthday will have shattered any semblance of healthy habits and emotional equilibrium that I've built during the year and I'll need to pick myself together all over again. I feel like I'm stuck in a treadmill.

Back when I was an alcoholic I used to just get hammered (more than usual I mean :p) so I could zone out but I don't drink anymore so that's too bad. I kinda want to just get this off my chest and I don't really have anyone to talk to at this moment in my life.

The time of year surrounding my birthday has been like this for almost as long as I can remember, and I never really understood why. It's not just ""simple"" existential depression and self-worth issues (although they're very much there, lol). There's also this palpable, physical, sense of dread and desolation that just kind of sits inside me like a nest of angry wasps. Or a giant bleeding wound. Or a desolate emptiness. Or 10.000-year-long-raging storm. All of those things at the same time. It starts building in June or May and will wax and wane in presence untill it becomes engulfing and then comes to a climax on my birthday. And then it calms down. So I'll be free to suffer undisturbed from the rest of my symptoms :')

Now I used to not really give all this much thought. I just kind of accepted it and went along with it, not necessarily viewing it as something out of the ordinary. And when I did start thinking about it I blamed it on my parents' toxic fighting that would very often overshadow my birthday and the start of summer vacation. Which is definitely a factor. But there's very likely more to it.

But these past few years in therapy have popped open a whole host of repressed memories. It's funny, I used to think that was just a turn of phrase and not actually possible. Anyway, I've also started looking with new eyes at a memory that I hadn't even repressed, but simply.... I don't know, ""neutralized"" in my mind I guess? Like, I remember it completely and always have, but in a kind of detached way. I used to not think back on it with any emotion attached to it, like it was just a neutral event that felt like it hadn't even really happened at all. But therapy has made my dissociation defense mechanism weaker which is a curse and a blessing. Now when I start really prodding in it, it feels like I've hit the ""epicenter"" of the dread and anxiety (and I'll feel compelled to immediately stop prodding again, lol). But I just want to share the memory for a bit since it's a bit lonely to deal with it on my own. I've shared it in therapy before, but that was more telling a story and the group acknowledges you telling the story and then the time is up and it's never spoken of again because there are million things to talk about and time for not even a quarter of it. You're still left to deal with it on your own.

When I was a little kid, our neighbours' 15-year-old daughter was my babysitter. She was very sweet and fun and I ADORED her. I distinctly remember how impressed I was by her ability to ""play"". I'd come to know grown ups as being incapable of ""getting"" playing, like it was a language they didn't speak, and mindset they didn't possess. A teenager, to a 6-year-old, is visually indistinguishable from an adult of course, but she felt completely different from the other grown ups. It's funny looking back, I just unmistakeably recognized her as a fellow kid even though I didn't understand the distinction between teens and adults yet.

Anyway she was a big hit after a string of less-succesfull babysitters and I had her as a babysitter for a pretty long time. I saw her often, and getting told that she would be coming over would transform me into a little ADHD ball of fireworks. My mother was charmed with her as well, by all accounts she was just this gigantic sweetheart.

But on the morning of my seventh birthday (very early, my parents hadn't even woken me up for school yet), police came to our door, doing neighbourhood research (? that's what google translate gives me, is that a thing in English? It's when they start looking for clues by talking to all the neighbours).

The neighbours' daughter hadn't come home the previous afternoon after doing her newspaper round and her parents had reported her missing. They were extremely worried and terrifies, and my parents felt very uncomfortable getting an elaborate birthday party going on in the yard that day (I had invited the whole class to come) and they explained to me that the celebration of my birthday would have to be postponed (I believe we had a big party in August or something to make it up).

So that whole week our whole neighbourhood (whole town really) held its breath while the police was looking for her, and at the end of the week they found her body in the forest near the town. A short while later they arrested some guy behind our block. He had been waiting in his hallway for her to walk up to his door to deliver the newspaper and he had dragged her inside and raped her and strangled her to death with a rope when she started screaming. He claimed in court that it was an impulse that came over him. His exact words to the judge were ""that blonde hair, I just had to have her"".

It was pretty much impossible not to tell us kids all these details since they were going around all over the news and all over school (a girl from my class had him as his neighbour, that kind of messed her up as well). So that was another impossible situation my parents and teachers were thrust in. They all tried their best to discuss it with us in a safe setting, but it's been haunting me ever since. It's a list of pretty dark concepts to have just dropped on you at age 7. I can't imagine any parent plans to have that conversation at age 7 (or under, my two brothers were even younger). I wasn't even there when it happened, but the way I pictured it happening is burned in my mind as if I witnessed it regardless.

The guy was convicted to 15 years in prison and forced psychiatric treatment (standard in my country when someone commits a violent crime that can be linked to mental illness/personality pathology. There are special facilities for it. Kind of like a less dystopian Arkham). He's been out since last year. I feel double about it. From interviews, it's clear that the guy looks back on it as simply a difficult period in his life, the way a recovered addict looks back at any shitty stunts they may have pulled. I know that it's pretty easy to emotionally distance yourself from the things that past-you has done to other people. Especially if you have no remorse or empathy. It's kind of impossible for me to make a true moral judgement there since I know it ""from the inside"". But at the same time it's precisely that what makes me seethe because I know he'll likely never fully appreciate just how wide of a ripple he has created. Part of me toys with the idea to try and look up his adress, but I wouldn't even know where to start since names of criminals in my country are anonimized in the media, for exactly this reason :p I'm also not sure what I would hope to get out of it. I'm just so frustrated at the thought that he just gets to live his life in peace while a sweet young girl is dead forever, two parents have had their lives ruined, and several little kids have been traumatized.

I needed that off my chest. Thanks for reading. Although I'm kind of regretting dragging this all up just before bed... Oh well :')",6.046035992217899,6.631590673151753,6.193441147859925,79.26774927042803,66.39299610894942,9.382198443579767,32.01580739299611,9.354420925462401,2.769832879377432,6366,246,1198,114,96,2028,567,1542,0.12300000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.121,-0.9079,8,2,4,0,2,0,181.0,7,4,12,6,85,72,5,5,88,3,103,19,7,16,25,241,202,114,2,17,52,11,11,11,6,12,10,2,5,11,104,75,2,8,34,9,2,18,26,26,4,4,65,26,142,47,211,117,36,201,2,11,12,1,111,90,0,19,98,858,246,10,0.0,0.0,0.06652211160573475,0.03715657811699465,0.04096233028637503,0.0,0.0,0.03642541777659887,0.034130190754324656,0.0,0.03761252852405676,0.0817708591334348,0.02836060858871393,0.0,0.0,0.09271312304651272,0.035740033459010154,0.026074157676376542,0.0385052050376137,0.033802157647539695,0.02383231703739301,0.0,0.0,0.06068395143545094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104241521048685,0.05691741290558343,0.04155456569375508,0.03764308711724095,0.05800592709736421,0.03840098293870077,0.03576904279456265,0.0,0.07442177486444429,0.03785962719833631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796600483158711,0.0,0.03501364474181661,0.0,0.20552236478551125,0.07147282629264197,0.0,0.0,0.02721329113349008,0.0,0.0,0.0659440580612774,0.07027819041008042,0.11742595635069135,0.0,0.0,0.03561051325556303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03487975363033119,0.0,0.033389332520222435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501969741633206,0.03018829687614687,0.03521787102868005,0.0,0.18009722198672626,0.03083091866655784,0.02871723008374093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034033312406456,0.0486992159520897,0.09817792124784863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037371333799596285,0.0,0.0,0.12465233946615115,0.06539293448454339,0.03874143191285061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03754735565841779,0.10124552096693626,0.0904210745873721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03418901919704016,0.03385309086465742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384766739536426,0.0,0.03557482837632223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484526010299257,0.1123900112285099,0.027782999507356042,0.0,0.0,0.03703235290110602,0.0,0.07222358653396213,0.18316886481089897,0.10248333106588914,0.0601935720456987,0.09048977097320188,0.20035376067782906,0.0,0.037206699404024525,0.0,0.0,0.03225109374545184,0.06825398035785782,0.0,0.0,0.03712745520671756,0.0,0.0,0.034348643459900435,0.0,0.06883022364605895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516695922944677,0.0505456907383024,0.07886301871913552,0.03291852818846916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153082413116132,0.036298335045495296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649236472490988,0.036909637753621306,0.06507404682951398,0.023629545839327398,0.029760823810226617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038424575475321986,0.0,0.17337834704083432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362525169252773,0.03409321180519122,0.0,0.1746806048594221,0.035044016543575265,0.0,0.0,0.11583154304193567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689896314190785,0.0,0.0,0.035557033127882935,0.0385052050376137,0.0,0.16916776348939533,0.03831183079309919,0.0,0.0,0.028879252589992688,0.052479038609374286,0.03370993584911599,0.0,0.2171234004568789,0.0,0.02721951699975313,0.02849574031008693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424751101069072,0.035426314259484684,0.0,0.0821862558952591,0.08937272398225353,0.03137995700073558,0.11693403284634545,0.0,0.0905755490010988,0.0655189301506365,0.033487345346673754,0.05411775881510483,0.11924788567230975,0.039174530471706416,0.0,0.032568711356523186,0.0,0.046281581303863874,0.03707359169139955,0.06659020773656125,0.03548263374628284,0.08199768229303554,0.11775048940759796,0.1126160929380895,0.16873715894400307,0.04020723864492443,0.08116285004783375,0.08202035824408233,0.0,0.12258239483506825,0.03159619852863655,0.03075549791978897,0.1902677780456467,0.03919490432690735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03461394448709233,0.0,0.1210614364778549,0.0,0.0,0.1975407381849676
bpd,coolbeanbeans,2019/07/10,"I’m nervous that cancelling my appointment will make my therapist not allow me to come anymore I’ve been seeing her for about two months now. I’ve cancelled once because my car was in the shop and then again today because I don’t have the money to keep racking up a huge bill with no insurance, and also don’t have the paperwork to get the financial aid ready. 
So I’m in a bind and now I am feeling anxious that she will tell me if I cancel again she will no longer see me...",6.406060606060606,5.095836676767682,6.911797979797977,80.77436363636366,66.07070707070707,9.940202020202019,33.94141414141414,8.841846274778883,2.6375802020202017,377,14,79,5,5,124,67,99,0.161,0.7759999999999999,0.063,-0.7695,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,0,10,0,0,2,0,11,19,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,3,2,5,1,0,1,2,3,12,0,9,14,0,13,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,7,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533465897246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900710557104897,0.2546416138944392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130427880751118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211800763307336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982796060799084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414897199485454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22822428649189944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139244871359371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494715497095106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734460537710309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409216487072794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442368827738365,0.0,0.0,0.29812363754356297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24338293795953456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508218283639377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,addi-hd,2019/07/10,"DAE feel differently about their romantic partner every day? Looking for any advice or comfort I've always had major doubts the moment I get into a committed relationship. I start to be terrified that I'm going to do something wrong, that I want to, or they're going to break my heart and leave me in some horrific way.

I've felt the same about every relationship I've been in despite them all being such different people with different love styles. I end up getting paranoid that they don't really care about me and it's all a joke to them, that they're manipulating me and have some end goal etc. 

But it's not just that. I never trust my own thoughts or feelings so I can't weed out what's real and what isn't, so I argue about the wrong things but mostly just pretend I'm fine with everything and then let all the feelings build and build until they boil over into something actually delusional, like ""i know you're being paid to say you love me"" or something.

Some moments they are the cutest most wonderful little human and the next, for seemingly no reason, they're evil sadists that are out to get me, then the next it's that they're attracted to me but not THAT much etc 

I can never tell what I'm supposed to feel or what I'm actually feeling. I can feel in love after one month but feel like a stranger a minute later.

I know attraction is something that naturally waxes and wanes but this feeling of uncertainty has honestly ended my 3 most recent relationships too early because I just can't handle it anymore.

I hate being this person so much. I want to want to be happy.

Does anyone have any methods of untangling these feelings, and ways of telling if a relationship is working or not?

Also ways of telling if someone is a manipulator because usually when they are I get 100x more attached and dependent on them.

TL;DR does anyone have tips for how to deal with cycling emotions/splitting/commitment/grey area in a romantic relationship",6.1142600000000025,6.938265869333332,6.709083333333332,74.79162500000002,66.30666666666667,9.556666666666667,32.425,9.621722640351123,3.0744599999999997,1571,63,280,31,24,515,187,375,0.094,0.73,0.17600000000000002,0.9879,3,0,5,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,8,2,15,20,3,1,14,0,25,5,1,5,6,74,61,32,0,5,19,0,10,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,21,17,1,0,16,2,1,2,10,6,0,1,5,12,33,14,39,50,17,40,0,0,1,3,26,13,0,18,23,191,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.15025877869816776,0.0,0.0,0.0752319898586622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615674454198104,0.06406035988354815,0.0,0.0,0.10470924856405936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763516190764514,0.1076638959632032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938625990630481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849461325492142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049651027743555065,0.0793714661579205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24130888668909295,0.0,0.0,0.13474580648675438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456611388730314,0.0,0.17172441486420753,0.0,0.0,0.1297317783762356,0.0,0.06919204082771481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35034797957771235,0.05500039412375254,0.07392075700212178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160892653052296,0.0,0.08750835028726474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195538339508354,0.0,0.07600992055282682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123140204972498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462141593439443,0.0,0.0,0.08151940041814462,0.0,0.07872566300688151,0.0,0.07522510323713667,0.07716241407642957,0.0,0.0,0.06465070820675231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084546017848929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061451256406312875,0.0,0.11319038857547795,0.0,0.1187561107242071,0.0,0.1637556740103936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052169205005238715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337393256625996,0.06722313725216286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762944026078529,0.049320620081930895,0.07915670443122348,0.0760165715444981,0.4132826389309648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122411636090045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008717684188874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523186229575598,0.2370771479845443,0.0,0.0,0.05449265279692071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018732723653374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114754720010978,0.0,0.0,0.06112004075903867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479163884097103,0.0,0.13622892661809222,0.18332897783116492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349043195030457,0.05604833535083623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834904828930788,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPD3000,2019/07/10,"This changes everything. Thank you I'm 39M. I've had a diagnosis of rapid-cycling bipolar for about 6 years. I've been on various meds to treat that with mixed/minimal results. This past Sunday, my FP/SO informed me (after a serious fight) that she's suspected for a while that I have BPD. I read the list of symptoms and my mind has been blown ever since. I don't have a strong fear of abandonment and am only emotionally manipulative in specific/extreme circumstances, but just about every other symptom I read is a perfect fit. It's to the point where I feel like I can look at every thought/emotion/reaction I have, or that I can remember ever having, and draw a line right back to BPD. It was scary, surreal and unsettling for a couple days, but I seem to be getting a handle on those feelings.

​

For the past twelve hours, I've been manic. This sub has been critical to my digestion process of this explosive revelation and I'm in a good place now. (For how long? Who knows...)

​

Thank you!

​

I've never felt so connected to a large, anonymous group of people as I do now. Every post I read feels like something I could have written, either in this life, or another that I can easily imagine -- as if we are all from the same mold. I wish I'd known so much earlier in life. I don't feel so strange and alone now.

​

I love you all. I wish you all the very best. I wish I knew how to help us all.",3.6821158770806655,5.198886897887327,4.817784891165172,83.51396286811783,72.62676056338027,8.403072983354674,28.75416133162612,8.97023862654752,2.3034,1125,45,226,23,22,370,163,284,0.068,0.736,0.196,0.9913,0,1,1,0,1,0,61.0,2,4,0,3,15,14,1,1,15,0,24,7,0,4,8,48,43,19,0,5,7,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,15,8,1,1,13,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,6,30,10,31,32,9,29,0,1,1,1,13,12,0,5,18,150,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331085407715932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486237854974726,0.3909702090446921,0.0,0.08434761816386098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618528553652361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844160811204269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262096123128084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509411199810663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422423448881619,0.08900455386834714,0.0,0.05187669298917843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048338403788662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552390155484185,0.20332073504674947,0.0,0.07229365478300674,0.0,0.0,0.0905165743276618,0.16269010511438894,0.11493170191676798,0.07723434117684509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042026213484028976,0.0,0.0,0.06746866720910344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391676623204859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921650581135753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420733481501778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363331088050838,0.07859715625360332,0.0,0.0,0.07118624794178961,0.06754875162901328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259960750345887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934992694995196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122076087155021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913213990034764,0.0,0.062039745969087776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611777112827349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357682472928127,0.05576648136401148,0.0,0.08404194635531627,0.0,0.07604113741106623,0.0,0.07703861253736223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241383199707017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112204455578972,0.06869472145091042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322891631335618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654021899934097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192610193421759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672144617065904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811539749295613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385981789378557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675857192896564,0.0,0.0,0.06637084559059275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27750367060456066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909702090446921,0.05180027096176319
bpd,JBrawlin1878,2019/07/10,"Will I find my happiness? I was seeing a guy from January until the beginning of June. He ended things with me because he started school and didn't have time to be in a relationship. He said I wasn't happy with how things were and that he can't give me what I want. He said I should try to find someone else that can spend more time with me. I tried to convince him that I was ok with not seeing him as much. That life gets in the way and Dynamics change. 

I tried my best to be ok with how things were, but I started to distance myself because I thought he was distancing himself. Instead of speaking up about how I felt, I kept it all in. It was the same thing every time, I'm sure he was tired of hearing it. I sure as fuck was tired of repeating it. So that's when he decided to end things. He wanted to stay friends. Ok cool. I got this.  

 He told me when he ended things we could potentially try again when class is done and he has more time. Today I was venting to him about how I'm having a hard time with that. It's not like I wanted to put my life on hold for him. I just had a hard time dealing. He told me ""well fine. I take it back. TBH I already have feelings for someone else"" 

Hold up. It's been 5 weeks and you already have feelings for someone else?!?!? Turns out it is a mutual friend. He told me that he has such strong feelings for her in such a short amount of time that he is gonna pursue her with everything he has. 

Talk about a punch to the gut. I never understood how people can move on that fast. Now I feel like everything we had meant nothing to him. He was just looking for an excuse to leave. Maybe even be with her. I think the feelings were lingering inside him, he just didn't realize it until he had the opportunity to fee them. 

I went off on him. I was nice to him. Then I went off on him again. I'm basically begging him to give me an other chance while I continue to work on myself. Its fucking pathetic. I know he isn't the end all be all but right now my mind just doesn't get it . My mind is a swirling mess. My anxiety is through the fucking roof. I haven't ate in 24 hours because I feel like I'm gonna puke my insides out. I work with him but luckily I don't see him but I panic when I walk on his side of the building in fear of running in to him. 

I messaged the girl and said I thought we were good friends and I wish I heard it from her and not him. Her response ""idk why I should have to say anything to you"" IDK. Maybe because you're my friend? People lack common decency. 

Currently I feel ok. Not so panicky. But it hits me randomly. The memories of such great times and honest moments. Then back to reality. This isn't the first break up I have had. I hope it's the last. It's just an other depressing chapter to my sad book called Life.",0.9056940609763232,2.8418824787052834,2.60953915291077,94.37953577512778,81.96422487223168,5.8881395758679425,21.875374493332554,7.026839596935285,0.4575881689478942,2153,69,498,27,58,709,238,587,0.105,0.743,0.151,0.9813,1,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,3,2,1,6,31,36,3,2,24,5,52,10,1,5,6,82,107,32,0,9,14,0,10,3,4,5,5,7,0,2,35,23,1,3,18,1,2,6,14,8,1,1,39,22,87,28,73,57,10,75,0,2,4,3,72,23,3,2,46,331,122,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397105244525515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990257328605906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536806702876806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031930940646604,0.0,0.15906015340098556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684573324125076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660952821638841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900718244775206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208272773368338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725169401211545,0.05618453206817338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675534770253687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347978735990842,0.0,0.2311060193684581,0.0,0.0,0.04308535548087357,0.0,0.05496107282210971,0.0,0.1172532695455298,0.0,0.0,0.07340453543146969,0.2308840721090573,0.09320401537743918,0.06263329092547633,0.0,0.11924238199344538,0.05548660812798109,0.0,0.0,0.20159342367838065,0.18091878411413614,0.06816242659762624,0.12515363855692058,0.0,0.054713804730800425,0.052172273654222855,0.07191890205245913,0.0,0.06459028760259568,0.0,0.13888211049964982,0.11687075488798353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352160541101546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479044764555357,0.06424072995226028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035849996521224295,0.053173076048339984,0.0,0.06907164549618308,0.0,0.0,0.13822662517909312,0.0956077014163018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477874929683648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106933752642122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317321664778173,0.0,0.0,0.06933167022353402,0.04795328690568017,0.0,0.0503112138851192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259220427479062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653611389500654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904478033460442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655765344138361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003513710734514,0.0,0.055708075036566086,0.186152723961346,0.05187538720115414,0.0,0.06601862619301302,0.15594522463266247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658134889769901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234359371705407,0.0695290113510598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296144582889655,0.0,0.04904661294866261,0.05243129626434423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600248699144455,0.0417982593346129,0.0,0.10357440722983828,0.3043000878662577,0.1499499927917098,0.061832645442924876,0.18699693299476064,0.0,0.1771539492455599,0.07095407066720615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542719987420348,0.05177840735243898,0.05232546069848643,0.0,0.058651721541323726,0.12094209386980062,0.058862054450258675,0.0,0.07501398932574753,0.0,0.0,0.09497986320180196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Big_Brother_Ed,2019/07/10,"Crazy Ex Girlfriend So I'll start with a disclaimer; I haven't been diagnosed with BPD My new therapist, after years of me seeing therapists for depression, has expressed her suspicions that I have BPD. I've done a lot of reasearch, as anyone does when told they might be something, and I don't know. And I don't self diagnose because we are all biased when it comes to that. But I ecently started watching ""Crazy Ex Girlfriend"" on netflix, in which the main character is diagnosed with BPD in the third season (apparently) and I'm loving it. And I'm really relating to the character. Even though I kinda hate her. It's a tough relationship.  


Has anyone here seen it? How accurate do you think it is?",4.305379357484622,6.3325574736842105,5.184101161995901,79.43039644565961,72.00751879699249,9.046889952153112,30.13602187286397,9.573946990214177,3.04066015037594,556,24,101,14,11,181,89,133,0.141,0.8290000000000001,0.03,-0.9094,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,0,7,4,1,0,6,0,14,4,0,1,1,17,26,11,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,3,13,1,13,20,3,12,0,1,3,1,14,3,0,3,8,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008887910796575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875685571503692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427717102518788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374295714516564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237267361354904,0.4374094266723256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571030393247629,0.14700525192241254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488039167822084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418260124558091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894704995776561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212727912143813,0.12965099263443206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523914291967052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873941257007094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920267621278025,0.0,0.0,0.1542278383413277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144715633139234,0.0,0.14985973433116734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058986214725497,0.0,0.0,0.2033543936927253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335806833645435,0.0,0.09204601361352198,0.1411367663623564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372650640969728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250678867107062
bpd,aciiixiv,2019/07/10,"How long did it take for you to get over that person? every time i think i’m one step closer to getting over it, i find myself back at square one again. i grow more and more frustrated with myself as time passes because.. i should be over her already. it’s been three fucking years, and i still remember everything. i've been with other people since, but i feel like i always end up replaying memories in my head and then i'm back at square one. i’m so tired. i want to move on, but i don’t want to. i feel absolutely insane. because i probably wasn't even very important in this girls life, but she completely changed mine.. i can’t talk to my friends about this because the fact that i'm still not over her after 3 years is ridiculous. are you ever truly over someone? how did you move on for good?",2.5090359333917647,4.275543588957056,3.6464198071866782,89.65676380368099,76.30061349693251,6.865731814198071,23.299298860648555,7.7094869923839395,0.9837716038562658,627,19,133,9,14,203,102,163,0.102,0.7809999999999999,0.11599999999999999,0.3252,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,0,11,6,3,0,1,0,11,4,1,2,2,21,24,11,0,3,4,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,5,4,3,0,4,5,4,23,3,24,17,2,32,0,0,2,1,10,13,1,0,15,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628632810879391,0.0,0.1228022137744479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696690215035897,0.0,0.2698986153805377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612494263523508,0.0,0.15473964999724654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307161542346576,0.0,0.0,0.09747823942765864,0.13349872422906772,0.12434639463826395,0.0,0.13263952629459902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924642100307425,0.10543447100737473,0.0,0.0,0.1348896548740478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402349940623135,0.1364395887961472,0.15421372913595147,0.0,0.0,0.123786964225344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146438246804853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424337081669027,0.07210238301599213,0.0,0.0,0.1306077308448417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137181566469505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000214427678367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231658218748346,0.12886518412378178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591211653772913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718458710039244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208351001346883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504795653834666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572251173559744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096525552047043,0.11862291476339527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456625541565923,0.0,0.0,0.1721155395599118,0.16962679240298578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177275509630912,0.17409844714401296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007929320832107
bpd,twelveofus,2019/07/10,I give up. I will let myself split when it happens because it’s too damn hard to control. I suck at prevention and I just don’t give a shit about my relationship anymore. I’d rather be alone than split and hurt my partner and myself.,1.5231250000000005,3.779113395833335,2.904,91.341,81.70833333333334,5.506666666666668,24.18333333333333,6.742157984588678,0.7709533333333334,185,7,39,2,5,60,37,48,0.32,0.68,0.0,-0.9325,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,3,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,7,8,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,0,5,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,0,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28346947277792306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27143572124184595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668442829535921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069765414091823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251137670267849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420309954964517,0.0,0.2451804160954595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930002873814027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27987562512745817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938501436692091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809479437329842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heytheresunshine,2019/07/10,"I think my sister may have BDP, any advice on how I can help her tldr background on diagnosis: anger management as young child, depression, suicidal in-patient, trans for a couple years, at 15/16 bi polar diagnosis, just depression again, at age 20 went off meds/stopped counseling and seeing psychiatrists.  She talks to me about how she was happier on the meds but ""has a million reasons why she cant go back to therapy."" I'm using this in a slang sense, she'll just volunteer things like its too expensive, I cant afford it, etc. (my parent's fully support paying for our mental health expenses without question, which I know doesn't make those feeling go away)

​

I love my sister 100% and I'm not trying to diagnose her, she's 24 now and in short conversations will accuse me of being against her, then my mom, and 3 minutes later forget she was ever screaming at us. At this point I know she needs treatment, can anyone please recommend a way to help/assist/breach this topic with her?  I'm only visiting home for another day, I can tell she's struggling.",8.442673267326732,7.418210099009901,8.52760396039604,69.90229702970299,61.871287128712865,11.644356435643564,36.536633663366324,10.793553405168565,3.949717227722773,848,33,148,18,10,278,141,202,0.11199999999999999,0.7759999999999999,0.113,0.5081,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,0,0,10,8,1,1,5,0,14,4,0,5,1,24,30,9,1,1,5,4,1,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,3,4,5,5,0,1,3,3,27,3,24,23,1,28,0,2,1,2,26,13,0,2,11,95,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865463673781134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373927577531266,0.17241358532804218,0.09649101964479806,0.14878550769426607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921376805665227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333116438167147,0.10910573040697476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700013850631192,0.0,0.09150821649640256,0.0,0.2444217148279947,0.1440167871667641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824642154715246,0.0,0.12834889737149893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174455667276029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128030832895485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082392615605414,0.0,0.0,0.19021363286119392,0.0,0.14232864624020727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595960852113164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932097225199607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806253093978456,0.0,0.09471361324964653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760936150998558,0.0,0.14299316092280345,0.0,0.0,0.16618149618727387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521067736101623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079148057873065,0.0,0.0,0.15755361122015615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575415121056327,0.1341332391078991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895084463632966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588799417499235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306907738029627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862756631223563,0.0,0.148335702251826,0.0,0.15520616488091024,0.16101668253718526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404693491115775,0.12401934026325315,0.0,0.16226518519011432,0.0,0.09426634321895087,0.09091828166331356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633494858204804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706778870774498,0.12254861462182705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262679113167025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153475205006734,0.12803492133363215,0.0,0.0,0.1367782490022154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241358532804218,0.09137341138399366
bpd,lostinthegameoflife,2019/07/10,"my life is falling apart i’m too young for this. i’m in an amazing relationship but i’m practically abusive, i always cause an argument. i can’t do it. i’m so tired. i was suicidal before and i acted on a small behavior, so now i’m stuck here not able to sleep while he’s on the other side of my phone sleeping. he’s the only person i’ve ever loved. he’s my person. and he loves me so much and the last thing we want is to break up. but i can’t but feel it’s coming. i’m freaking out. i love him. i am working on myself to help in this relationship and i started a new therapy so i’m hoping it works. i just, i can’t have him leave me. just the thought alone kills me. i never planned on making it to 17, i started dating  him in november, turned 17 in january. he’s pretty much the only reason i’m still alive. this is a giant mess of a post but i’m losing my mind. i love him so much. so much.",-1.5003462962962963,0.4609998950000005,1.9308888888888875,94.41248148148148,95.05,4.762962962962964,16.907407407407412,6.42735559955562,-0.2149814814814812,689,19,164,9,27,248,104,200,0.192,0.627,0.18100000000000002,-0.1743,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,4,13,10,1,0,11,0,10,8,2,3,2,24,33,15,2,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,3,1,26,6,17,30,4,30,0,1,0,4,20,14,0,1,11,101,35,2,0.12234198425996415,0.1449552458387451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267093992813637,0.0,0.0,0.10179833151630972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410401769231116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567891848555615,0.0,0.10538678654034457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066532897392097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185978320716143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200325319110614,0.0,0.0,0.12151319517394127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535327911066294,0.0,0.0,0.09972504593899313,0.0,0.12954249654329988,0.0,0.0,0.0864137615651282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686938651929004,0.0,0.0,0.4416736693783621,0.0,0.08166422449460302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353052832321088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597417411208029,0.0,0.09435768040537604,0.11815865075943105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609318394130575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364860341096906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716980247301464,0.12446578072965822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257879358479482,0.0,0.2626990117714553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448606763557147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318857229987974,0.0,0.097702466665591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382227387284615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990872121092146,0.0,0.08127857813455802,0.0,0.0,0.09712586977015844,0.0,0.14061411367390494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307294748968354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216047208803927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813284325450804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dollface1901,2019/07/10,"I got no where to go I have a child , a loving husband . And no where to go . My cup is never full . It never will be . I wish I could just drink myself into oblivion, just to be numb . Because drugs and suicide are no longer options .",-1.0258035714285718,1.0763473125000012,1.3426190476190492,97.65000000000002,96.70833333333334,2.742857142857144,17.273809523809522,3.1291,-0.9661940476190479,173,5,38,0,7,58,34,48,0.28800000000000003,0.64,0.071,-0.8707,0,0,2,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,0,2,10,12,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,4,7,1,8,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415004820378725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411926964150179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959312456015045,0.3503261872630654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433671576217355,0.0,0.2416073794196853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27264622508627073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659777958986097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304352542024553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34738630524190595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,caleana94,2019/07/10,"How to stop obsessive thoughts about problems I cant solve? I currently am having obsessive thoughts about a problem within my relationship. Its something that's out of my hands at this point, but I obsess about how events will play out daily. It's unhealthy. Advice would be so appreciated.",5.2367307692307685,8.152816903846158,5.258307692307696,75.88669230769231,72.26923076923076,8.006153846153849,31.55384615384615,8.841846274778883,3.0784953846153837,237,11,38,5,5,74,42,52,0.27399999999999997,0.578,0.14800000000000002,-0.3887,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,1,0,6,1,1,2,0,11,8,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,5,1,9,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948899595768529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852738746359869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775137280033809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239922296808287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232028927155984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522964904568237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791495315391626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143715181332751,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Borderline-Cat,2019/07/10,"I wish I could fake my death just to hurt him. I'll never feel loved by him, ever. I wish he could understand the pain I experience. It literally feels like grief.",0.8213636363636354,3.2413765151515186,3.0032575757575763,88.22488636363637,86.87878787878788,6.936363636363637,17.340909090909093,8.07648339933343,0.6680363636363635,127,3,28,3,4,43,26,33,0.4270000000000001,0.405,0.168,-0.9208,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,10,8,0,2,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,7,2,2,6,0,2,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972570021431437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250333901679956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433520220455533,0.0,0.0,0.2515786445354577,0.17772661565399936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663213391284751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154006551732364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453130553557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187245822053145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26471668088054634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25898603445366697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5721634371901732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bdngirl2004,2019/07/10,"Dangerous addictions Hello fellow BPDers. I joined awhile ago but haven't posted much if anything until now. I had it pointed out to me today that I have developed two dangerous addictions as a way of dealing with my emotions and wanting a 'high' feeling.

In May, I got into an argument with my oldest brother which resulted in me self harming in the form of cutting myself for the first time in 8 years. I have started doing it regularly since. 

June 14th I got suicidal and tried to overdose on my pills. I have since tried to overdose one other time, not to kill myself but for the high and the sleep I get and the lack of worrying about my problems. Now I'm finding myself wanting to do it again.

I see my psychiatrist on Thursday for the first time and I'll be telling him about these behaviors.

Am I alone in these addictions? I feel like a failure but I can't stop. Thanks for reading",3.9969529314616,5.834067312138735,4.985355078447565,81.3294942196532,72.41040462427745,7.948637489677952,30.854252683732447,8.634040054169528,2.587010239471512,707,32,130,13,14,231,104,173,0.21899999999999997,0.716,0.065,-0.9843,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,4,0,10,0,11,5,1,1,0,24,22,11,2,5,5,1,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,6,0,4,3,3,23,2,27,17,3,31,0,0,1,0,7,12,0,2,18,99,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44504095880688094,0.0,0.0,0.12062646554809085,0.0,0.0,0.14093755550449222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198201885335532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029222113705814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530713746886216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376119953010851,0.09721538266261258,0.0,0.0,0.12437440327168785,0.23149868897677606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109603977968165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767077425299525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875514013163189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055205371950509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648167993649486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003425533947916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221114336703118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863932489002142,0.0,0.13032676054932332,0.0,0.0,0.13020991876643212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361165500118054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084379224484287,0.0,0.14196083096183829,0.0,0.0,0.22513310930206346,0.0,0.1361780000555442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631792968672087,0.0,0.0,0.11376874326785395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884913241369618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893967752420602,0.1252839278054921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380475457499356,0.0,0.12898766782596413,0.0,0.0,0.18477840140639376,0.0,0.13293011807544067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052669490690585,0.10801375164028454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819556610872774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763088129020613
bpd,bpdhelpthrowawayy2,2019/07/10,"Detatching from FP Throwaway acc. I made a post a few days ago about detatching from your FP (didn't think I'd come back so new throwaway.) Someone I care for a lot has an abuser who is their FP. We were making progress with detaching from the FP and trying different techniques, only for all progress to vanish and them to start saying they love and care about their FP again.

​

 I know trying to detatch isn't a complete slope to recovery and will always have big ups and downs like any recovery, but I don't know what to do. I care about them, but it's just hard and I need help. I've been spending a lot of my time understanding BPD and favorite person and how to detatch/become less dependant, but it feels like nothings working.

​

 I know they can't just leave their FP, but I don't know what else to say or do. I feel helpless, but how else can I help?",3.9254549450549447,5.251894582857143,4.224571428571431,88.75096703296705,71.74285714285712,7.213186813186812,27.17582417582417,7.61054688173877,1.3670263736263737,692,24,143,8,13,216,101,175,0.045,0.772,0.183,0.9695,1,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,1,7,3,10,7,0,0,7,0,14,1,0,5,1,36,31,17,0,1,8,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,11,0,0,8,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,4,5,20,6,19,26,5,12,0,1,0,1,16,3,0,4,9,91,25,1,0.0,0.14426610998289427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107933207889974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013143691739484,0.26385458700995984,0.2959043167220521,0.08280121657317055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362619698763763,0.0,0.0,0.13447474560052075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335290438933138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37242838972175946,0.0,0.0,0.10488576422192056,0.1276634153718381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852535583348133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272136553474257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034303048989338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313138770583185,0.08698562176510034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907336168854236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632267983869146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26766522665762515,0.0,0.0,0.12892663487711548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897191795940805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207032598840657,0.10989347400709236,0.1152125917104128,0.08127598228292005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028376023021048,0.0,0.11759690935817214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683234428135487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926042365221096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063164452553401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166127621835108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936574424062845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316715345574694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618260579196152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801911885869887,0.0,0.0,0.07099944202787081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533457663668574,0.0,0.0,0.12675682340841884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864298841971112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959043167220521,0.0
bpd,Se-Renity,2019/07/10,"I have a night time routine for the first time in ... Ever! Hi everyone! 

First time poster, recent lurker.

I was diagnosed with BPD recently but I have had a lifetime issue with major depressive dissorder and generalized anxiety! With some adhd thrown in for good measure

And in the last 3 week i have been able to stick to a night time routine! For the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE! No jokes people!

I am brushing my teeth!
I am moisturizing!
I am 38 years old!

I am so fucking proud and anyone else I could brag about this to cannot understanding the enormity of this  achievement!


I wish this on all of you bpd sufferers 🥰",1.331911764705886,4.017056250000003,2.9946078431372563,86.1652941176471,90.66666666666666,6.4901960784313735,22.058823529411764,7.724431198458867,1.4902352941176469,490,18,93,11,17,161,77,120,0.102,0.77,0.128,0.6399,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,5,3,6,1,0,7,0,12,4,1,0,2,14,15,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,3,1,13,3,17,11,3,23,0,2,0,1,2,6,1,1,17,64,16,1,0.14579801974175569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752208868804035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153508603571413,0.0,0.0,0.10194536537624556,0.14938730083827478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672550039262039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640785507095053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557562076364304,0.14798192101367674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179553710096595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188265595057586,0.0,0.13931625590012006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37204716333415344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347879198932625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228846161919076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217525309566454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884484549200552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298145310329808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736431297978333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299049585220054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107798920622636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879159105816482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250799889401701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178088039449802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169503770358564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766052735133674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388914453784476
bpd,boognishtwink,2019/07/10,"always losing all my friends. i’ll lash out if i’m afraid of losing them and then they do leave. feeling hopeless right now. my emotions always get the best of me. all my happy memories are recent all of them are tainted. when i lose someone it’s worse than if i never had them at all. i don’t want to have to deal with this forever. i just finished iop and i’ve already lost half of my friend group. going to lose my FP very soon. i’m 25 and i’m over this. i’m scared, and beginning to accept that the intersection of my bpd and being queer and trans is massively increasing my likelihood of all of this ending. like, idk.. i feel like i cracked a code and i saw my future. the only thing i can think of to do any more is stop taking my meds. i don’t feel this way because of the meds tho, im sure. it’s just the insane amount of stress i’m under. and that all my friends and support system eventually leave. usually pretty quickly. can’t learn to regulate my emotions when i’m always mourning.",0.4578260869565227,2.781813294685996,2.460456038647344,92.1699304347826,87.55072463768116,5.244367149758454,20.35729468599034,6.742157984588678,0.38830488888888937,780,25,166,10,25,260,116,207,0.155,0.687,0.158,0.4062,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,4,6,8,20,0,3,6,0,13,1,0,0,8,31,31,15,1,3,4,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,10,0,1,3,4,25,10,22,27,10,24,0,7,1,1,9,6,1,2,16,105,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683535528659848,0.0,0.2869092832346795,0.0,0.0,0.07816080414411238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006426196761384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061883178654688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475857748192936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849454954697583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585763265454978,0.10179967978846273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434613904429086,0.08211070353208834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663991102525124,0.0,0.06004961030616916,0.0,0.06532109743479682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235210848982203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415121119196447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340244925471025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230439796808207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143384571973171,0.12546683573620415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553372216732443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864616295620399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741443535824747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693180495356695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348598985621605,0.0,0.0,0.09815519675084812,0.0,0.0,0.11507155035174173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738537679859426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609211313918596,0.13165944452141345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042864956813766,0.1083263503556886,0.0,0.08641799130159687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635874526811791,0.07364670859904837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658638596671673,0.09483470155884084,0.06779256272760689,0.09123129380773323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713017694447975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whuff-,2019/07/10,"Honestly Should I just kill myself? Hear me out. I just got diagnosed. I’m 32 and never been in a relationship much less had someone like me. I flunked out of college. My past is fraught with failures and my future is dull and full or disappointment. I hate myself. I have no friends or support group. I told my family and they just want me to “go to church more”. There is nothing to live for. I’ll never be special. I’ll never be loved. I’m not like other people, I’m different and broken. I can’t take this pain.",-0.20589285714285666,2.0900904761904755,2.028422619047621,92.20834821428572,96.61904761904762,4.910714285714287,19.895833333333336,6.6274283507984215,0.4412976190476193,400,14,84,6,16,134,70,105,0.284,0.598,0.11800000000000001,-0.9702,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,0,4,13,2,0,1,0,10,3,0,0,3,19,22,7,1,2,6,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,1,16,7,9,15,4,10,1,3,0,1,7,4,0,2,7,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335582146362208,0.0,0.2093280371130728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888765971353704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547935582223363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386620348697014,0.0,0.1602419708367241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780880458344524,0.0,0.0,0.2258143286647331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221662810584668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576638993672604,0.0,0.17691688677334702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082795547865396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728377093151865,0.0,0.4635777302847286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922457556379748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319154614340075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126124905962075,0.13890073453650853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151059866066008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697599024920376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22736015981790397,0.0,0.0,0.15064181357799708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144751918166225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817440376212633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CocaineInCondoms,2019/07/10,"Bpd is just a lazy diagnose I got diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago. Went through therapy. Spent a weekend (thank God not any longer) in a German ""asylum"". 
BPD is such a wide spread diagnose that it could actually fit to almost everybody and what is making it even worse is that it's getting romanticized by some dumb children. Tell me your view",4.707076923076926,6.437707092307697,5.455384615384617,79.1046153846154,70.38461538461539,9.507692307692308,29.92307692307693,9.888512548439397,3.0116769230769225,271,11,51,7,5,88,53,65,0.132,0.772,0.096,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,5,3,0,1,0,8,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,3,2,5,7,1,7,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,2,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.16634575912653124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110376610368847,0.0,0.17069249165782682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591961275650575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6440705835350043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609957539415993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190442673399839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258816198409254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905905778599325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633357162081722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378432325707498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489907967659109,0.15693797573904034,0.1949374926324016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580194465536339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371475258200572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977156737346658
bpd,TalosKadafi,2019/07/10,"I'm not sure if I will stand this situation anymore longer. I can't stand it anymore, my couple is falling apart due to my condition and my lack of capability to project me in the near of far futur... She's a wonderful person but I can't stand to see her drowning with myself and not having the things she deserves . She want kids but what kind of father I will be in my condition? 
Unemployed for years... I live only with the state money...No one wants a father who is a total loser... 
I m in love with someone else too, the wife of one of my oldest friend.... whose unfortunately doesn't loves me back.... Yeah I know loving 2 person is impossible... But what can I say... I'm a worthless piece of shit...6 month ago when we were on pause with our SO, for multiples reason, we had an wonderful adventure which we stopped to not hurting anyone more than us. She's is happy back in my friend arms, but me... I feel dead inside since... I feel guilty as hell for my SO that I've betrayed, even if she dont know anything about it, and feel empty like a shell now that my other love is gone back to him.
I'm a worthless piece of shit and I really believe everyone will be better if I m not on this earth anymore....",2.468658536585366,3.9507255813008166,4.172853658536585,87.05293902439026,75.70731707317074,7.033821138211382,23.27560975609757,7.734863291789972,0.982413658536586,927,27,199,13,20,312,140,246,0.179,0.645,0.17600000000000002,0.0705,2,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,5,0,0,2,10,18,2,0,11,1,18,6,2,1,2,36,36,15,2,6,11,3,3,1,2,3,0,1,0,3,13,11,0,1,8,0,0,2,8,6,0,2,3,5,36,12,29,28,5,27,1,4,1,4,27,9,2,5,13,138,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458654754110272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35102812811800715,0.0824978267717166,0.0,0.09709156846584294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27216945258373443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132928646147581,0.0,0.1043481084817392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054811326421334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827749349661508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856129392680504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779279528204111,0.0,0.0,0.11273968466653135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897022129499082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823097736339655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559718300827624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630533906514665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286317901018702,0.12968289602521926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764149142311199,0.0,0.10418288057358152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259441285360824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417446880512294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989932368084842,0.08973287809068071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060398309931368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558418605218245,0.12130818844264975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382637513915047,0.0,0.0,0.09401873693206697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422197302943849,0.09759837748752306,0.1326200375363148,0.0,0.0,0.09996827306920056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864070892246443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119942776771888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838396429857962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192137883360997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918117166256405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558993107396407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759784454471395
bpd,anon776dxm,2019/08/19,Trigger warning: suicide ideation I dont want to speak of or explain my suicide ideation here. I do want to know if any knows of a community (not facebook) that let's people talk about the problems they have with suicide ideation resulting from mental health disorders.,4.859375,7.944007854166667,4.133166666666663,82.52850000000002,74.625,6.34,38.766666666666666,7.554174236665415,3.3380366666666665,219,14,35,3,5,65,39,48,0.369,0.631,0.0,-0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,12,9,2,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,7,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581158305877065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457415880446439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25129628247082963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791629228201435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235677034975952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925691775663855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608289805087125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865043362043068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051690546413914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7036154250957638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234105498742125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529385668217431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,befff25,2019/08/19,Love? Anyone else feel like they'll never be able to hack a relationship/being in love? I don't know whether I want reassurance or hope,0.9594444444444434,3.553071518518521,2.7758333333333347,87.18375000000002,93.07407407407408,5.662962962962964,17.86111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.4636000000000005,109,3,22,2,4,36,25,27,0.037000000000000005,0.456,0.507,0.9472,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,2,11,3,0,0.3031199680209073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194852953052293,0.31058222829798104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253217837776714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326656356734594,0.21654896572036966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010665231403869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658680715228366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480891051940207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.547155211465119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337848060910056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254374061731881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878801070629655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boxofpandas,2019/08/19,"DAE have a hard time getting a diagnosis? I have seen my GP about a dozen times this year to just vent and talk, monitor my medication dosage and get me into a psychiatrist. I've been on a waitlist for about 4 months? Originally I thought something else was going on besides BPD, because I've been in denial about it my whole life. My mom was diagnosed and my sister, too, so I worked so hard to ""not become them"" if you know what I mean.

But here I am, smack dab in the middle of my 20s, and can't settle into a stable relationship, always changing jobs, my name, my hair, and I've been having meltdowns my entire life that occasionally lead to self harm and suicide attempts. I know what I'm doing and I hate it. I have been better the past couple years at maintaining emotional stability when I'm triggered, but it still happens, even with an amazing support system and a caring, loyal boyfriend. Last freakout I had, I threw my breakfast at the wall and tore off my clothes, then quickly got in the car and left so my S/O didn't have to put up with my madness. I eventually calmed down. Finally, I decided to look into BPD again and my stomach churned as I read the symptoms. It was Me. Exactly me, and I knew it the first time I read about it, when my Mom was diagnosed.

I have talked to my therapist about how I feel and she really encourages me to not put a label on myself, but that's not what I'm doing? I want a diagnosis so I can understand what's going on and receive proper help. I have been practically begging for help since the last time I nearly killed myself, and all everyone says is ""You're doing so good though, you seem okay!"" I can barely function. My GP said I didn't really look like someone with borderline. Like, are you serious? I go to work every day, I have hobbies, I attend classes and pay my bills, but it's fucking EXHAUSTING and I'm always anxious someone is going to ask me something personal and I'll just get triggered, breakdown, or tell them my family history (which is full of trauma). I'm terrified that one day soon I'm going to snap and do something horrible to the people I love or myself.

I need to have downtime to actually relax and learn how to cope, but I can't afford to not be working all the time. I'm just overwhelmed and stressed out 24/7. I want to work on myself and get better but I feel like I need to take time off work to actually do that. Right now I go to work on the verge of a mental collapse literally every day.

If I was diagnosed as BPD, would I be eligible for disability or some kind of extra mental health support? I feel like no one gets it and no one cares. 

I live in Canada for the record.",4.185204980261162,5.117997172284647,5.683592468873368,80.01978894624963,70.72284644194757,8.619414920538516,28.851908087863144,8.918530864059932,2.250106448021054,2086,77,414,38,37,708,253,534,0.12,0.755,0.125,0.7649,2,1,3,0,0,1,65.0,0,3,2,11,26,29,4,2,22,1,39,14,2,6,3,76,87,47,2,7,18,3,6,4,0,1,9,2,0,2,18,30,1,0,12,3,2,13,10,10,0,5,19,11,71,19,58,65,6,67,0,1,3,2,24,27,1,7,30,281,89,13,0.0,0.0,0.13601947553431734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597933417791173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873258482230827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515299447231708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042483845561162505,0.07696979009815931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327454423305333,0.0,0.0,0.2633254476685373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421121111153245,0.0,0.0737253276584127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771133247994966,0.0,0.1348375145584865,0.0,0.0,0.21220898384603987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821906484281481,0.07839457959187132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603117874739526,0.0,0.11743772049629354,0.06659408323954871,0.0,0.0,0.0656998005792929,0.0,0.10571572778096687,0.0995765415865821,0.0,0.0763446273351378,0.0,0.05928032734833982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442950895473938,0.18205703582765975,0.0,0.2376468120013853,0.0584546859925894,0.05573938586398918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061628766965576724,0.0,0.12486141865488246,0.06880682525557291,0.0,0.07407977162223657,0.0,0.0,0.0934267051715228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915896204859252,0.0,0.07710432458088294,0.07257391923953928,0.07660225055794366,0.11361722983655205,0.0,0.0,0.07572100611093581,0.0,0.09845161881191217,0.136192762619,0.0,0.06153967382093185,0.0,0.11704814187088645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290011994230289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591546424551901,0.0,0.07020776988286498,0.14046711254211436,0.0,0.0,0.16324581383271022,0.0556278158236718,0.0,0.0,0.10335207615614828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167613963059678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665292900885834,0.048315941190031964,0.06085272322875681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012024009308713,0.0,0.0,0.13942253717101574,0.0,0.08929348334512135,0.0,0.0,0.07482356542741413,0.0,0.059516936347892686,0.0662934401982836,0.05542220075001343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344535153493103,0.07270438175919304,0.0,0.0,0.057650280765584636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810030368233962,0.16095786354090075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565644771692245,0.0,0.07983241884859411,0.0,0.0,0.07623218372424992,0.15817223929554958,0.0,0.07243709752102344,0.05240001811279995,0.11203223663191338,0.060914237134606364,0.0,0.0,0.08091825819346943,0.0,0.0,0.068472437827702,0.05532798789334172,0.243829224241365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255225542674433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221277679186431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780908559919401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044214219645555,0.0,0.0,0.04950748765987558,0.0,0.0,0.0897592526621707
bpd,Abram_SF,2019/08/19,Can you ever get BPD under control? A person I care about very much is dealing with this all the time. It’s hard on everybody they know and me. Has anyone ever fully got it under control?,1.5402631578947386,3.830484868421056,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,81.89473684210526,4.852631578947369,20.026315789473685,5.985473137389443,0.2644526315789477,147,4,27,1,4,50,34,38,0.037000000000000005,0.8690000000000001,0.094,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,3,8,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047634175198215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070678560441823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248578678956762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469031896628913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513555183757809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441076897297152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737970636182738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499566638184346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184042321115792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399059446352266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792270583671598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288389050600293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421665049687068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011672744566612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Six_Kills,2019/08/19,"As soon as I am accepted or validated, I begin to lose my grip and social function I become certifiably messed up as soon as my ego is validated by another person. It could be that I'm making funny jokes, or being charismatic or whatever. As soon as somebody shows any sliver of appreciation for me I become disgustingly self-conscious, and begin to lose sight of how to be normal, like I was before. I make a fumbling fool of myself as I try to chase their acceptance by trying to \*act\* as charismatic as before, without actually \*being\* it. Because now it isn't genuine anymore. I lose the ability to spontaneously come up with funny jokes. Yet I try to act the same way as before.

In the process, I lose all sight of myself, how to be me and who I am.

I absolutely despise how my brain works and how it prevents me from getting close to anyone, or even letting anyone get close to me. I don't have any friends, barely, and the ones I do have are friendships that are actively failing because I find it so hard to control myself and be myself.",6.239564860426931,6.433034758620689,7.574002463054189,70.89118431855503,65.94581280788178,9.91937602627258,34.1580459770115,9.725611199111238,3.3629740558292287,828,35,146,16,12,285,109,203,0.13699999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.149,-0.1061,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,7,11,15,2,0,5,0,19,1,1,7,1,30,27,25,0,2,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,2,3,3,0,3,3,9,0,1,1,4,27,6,34,18,2,16,0,5,2,0,5,5,0,4,8,117,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.12493712546787132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412723088576426,0.1342488065008847,0.0,0.0,0.1269696439020244,0.17904068960036856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608969296146072,0.2827943361773443,0.32682789000727525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292189338247302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102850201914664,0.0,0.0,0.14359459385329446,0.10222015767898313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456146639304415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701552145764985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891432559379493,0.0,0.13377897621297855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468818466842025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091758261112565,0.0,0.06254814688964537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5729235533752585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091973183677814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254405238813296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675527071055697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178934909471372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356140994119006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050870063286998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607683786926202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162288332893768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234146858009874,0.0,0.09320610704628522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yaythrowitaway88,2019/08/19,"Does anyone else feel guilty after someone does something nice for you? Throwaway since Reddit won’t allow me to post anywhere for some weird reason.

So 99% of the time, I go about my day internally complaining and whining about how everyone disregards me/my opinions/my thoughts and basically playing the blame game, right? Someone I know just decided to give me something that they could have chosen to give to anyone else in the house. But they chose me, and thanked me for what I do (around the house). It felt really weird. I’m not exactly used to someone giving me something and then tossing a few kind words my way. A small part of me feels that I don’t deserve it. I’m not really a good person. I’m not selfish or sadistic, but definitely nothing to notice here. Another part of me, a larger part, feels like the other people in the house (who are used to being handed the nicer things and not used to others receiving them) will be really upset with me. I’m very anxious about it and don’t know what to do. 

Also surprised, because any other time when they’re on the receiving end I’m envious, furious and wonder when it’ll be my turn. Now that it IS my turn, it feels wrong. I’m thinking about giving this item back, but I don’t want to be rude. The person probably won’t accept it anyway, they’re very insistent when they gift. 

I’m really trying to not freak out and start crying. Am I overreacting? Is this a BPD thing or a me thing? How can I feel better?",3.4634284890426765,5.3022158546712825,4.621820934256056,83.37395400807381,73.84429065743944,7.584832756632067,25.19045559400231,8.344100000000001,1.6709618223760092,1158,38,222,20,24,380,151,289,0.127,0.7290000000000001,0.145,0.6864,0,0,3,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,4,1,17,20,3,1,15,0,20,1,1,7,1,48,51,21,0,2,11,0,7,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,21,11,0,1,14,2,0,3,10,11,0,0,2,7,25,9,28,40,6,24,0,1,0,0,16,7,0,4,13,145,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710819374413497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060445388022923464,0.09320450522622724,0.0,0.10041564701614616,0.0,0.12430202788771093,0.1821480002189086,0.0,0.07912720164630553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834768908289393,0.0,0.0541839550852573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861226166853327,0.0,0.0,0.11194854609490043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096807389906866,0.0,0.09763687108154287,0.05732398386681298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556911484415434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485053508165724,0.0,0.07872643088571013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493418539526526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471664112274775,0.06350002907699326,0.08534430150566763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410694123111637,0.05051584517029181,0.07455318694691664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076868171255743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256087645773572,0.0976986157640968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043425109210400055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528831671783088,0.10119706573262306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887639595120425,0.0,0.061622217875113384,0.1552232938751098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512802046064555,0.0,0.09583391970085668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277700630472697,0.09138940025978687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590798251169642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352724741355629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593793472862,0.2052858806334596,0.0,0.0,0.06291382256827502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818340970393386,0.0,0.0,0.1771553160391569,0.056954427818741674,0.0,0.07056539188888943,0.1036600426998142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034761958828775,0.19336443960071012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303063618694197,0.0,0.14668017803893274,0.052427144321381035,0.07055340607645427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639285210513596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971826623405824,0.0,0.0
bpd,Katana_belle_ame,2019/08/19,"My BPD ruined my 3 year relationship I dont have anyone to talk to, probably bc ive isolated myself for so long, but i need to vent out my situation. Its so upsetting that i didnt realize until it was too late. Now im grief-stricken because i keep thinking back and realizing more and more that i was irrational & acting crazy. In the end i hurt him and i hurt myself.

 I was unhealthy amounts of jealous and always making nothing into something. I couldn't control my anger but at times id realize after getting upset and apologize but it still took a toll on him and the relationship. Its been so complicated. And i only found out recently that i had bpd.. ive been looking more into it and reading alot of articles on it. ive had alot of realizations this past week and im pretty sure i was borderline obessed with him. 

Im trying really hard not to let my bpd get the best of me, when he decided he wanted to leave me, i cried on the floor, poured my heart out, and i wanted him to feel something that he does not anymore. So i want to take better steps to heal and not act so intensely. I am very aware and it sucks but im aware my disorder can get out of hand and make me say and do things i regret. I am aware i was selfish for asking him to stay with me when he does not feel the same as i do and has moved onto someone else. 

All of this is heart wrenching. Im qfeeling very abandoned & rejected but i want to be a better person for myself and in the future i want to have stable relationships. Ive been writing alot to myself for support but i just need some outside reassurance that everything is going to be okay. I just want to learn and grow from this experience.",2.7788881987577625,4.328816817391306,4.7092701863354085,83.24527173913044,75.02898550724638,7.827122153209107,25.94461697722567,8.527137837955566,1.7856356107660465,1322,47,271,25,28,453,172,345,0.193,0.6970000000000001,0.11,-0.9829,0,1,2,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,4,13,19,3,2,11,1,30,4,3,3,2,69,55,32,0,10,12,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,16,25,0,3,9,1,0,7,7,12,0,0,13,6,48,7,43,38,11,38,0,6,1,0,19,14,1,4,16,191,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979210936024914,0.18176067562722034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318311914111329,0.05864851848220819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841336471865466,0.0,0.0,0.06449598247931111,0.0,0.0511304400299494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880233912689372,0.14836419838814147,0.0,0.0,0.3169191920489437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407481852698116,0.0,0.0,0.09213458437449948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961299315184888,0.0,0.1468020797768527,0.0,0.09830283354554972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006819566886269,0.0,0.07428983445080757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538294335350564,0.08204747875438614,0.0,0.0,0.08482112997900773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196644025889268,0.0,0.0,0.13146629589849854,0.0,0.04766904497794007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751370220169539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878851759552732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958342182908116,0.0,0.4530059890897407,0.0,0.0,0.07455343894427706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461653811999113,0.08881328358609847,0.0,0.08576957875388806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422821424994426,0.07043527862761828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197665819963104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914762700131207,0.0,0.12438697726327255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048192783887244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637919878026081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006977316147505,0.0,0.07323787370490385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533272845342599,0.09043323759569684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389936905997625,0.0,0.05373354312605785,0.0,0.08281809349914884,0.2701564635484029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670209521632668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428089232074516,0.0,0.0,0.0710684310140337,0.12914471811453734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940137097101547,0.06698401768204358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518225208756978,0.07905276962861664,0.0,0.06306481789242874,0.06741689083068499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557239330872902,0.05374478388379212,0.0,0.0,0.048909161286077384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319006752802048,0.056946753692195776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384140754398815,0.2968358017920219,0.0,0.06728080598636862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054013826017338215
bpd,andreiiguess,2019/08/19,"yeet im one of those rare 'kids' (im 17) who get diagnosed with ""borderline personality tendancies"" because doctors wont slap the bpd label until youre 18. got broken up with in such a similar way as the last break up, saw it coming for ages but didnt know how to deal. most of my friends dont really get that a lot of the stuff they say to ""help"" is counterproductive. im tired and quite honestly done with life. i mean sure ill stay alive but i wont be 'living'. i feel like i have no support system from anyone anywhere now, but it also seems like thats the best way not to get hurt. 

lots of this is really illogical, im well aware, but i cant stop myself from believing it. 

i dont really know what to do from here",2.1630043859649097,3.4099173618421084,4.4105263157894745,86.00201754385971,76.03947368421053,8.224561403508767,21.87719298245614,8.841846274778883,1.2329324561403507,557,14,127,12,12,194,103,152,0.08,0.6829999999999999,0.237,0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,2,6,9,0,0,6,0,12,5,0,1,1,21,24,9,0,0,5,0,1,2,1,2,5,1,0,2,10,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,1,1,1,4,3,10,8,20,17,4,14,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,4,7,76,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823809487270532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589519959679044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488440399694933,0.0,0.0,0.13840282877478294,0.1289169267681571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471739077464616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581900508790903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664650237540304,0.0,0.12468381073798215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573577370739214,0.0,0.12571179693789036,0.2879438978799296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211348622371765,0.08775959273806143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490876916107947,0.0,0.1925423526235863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824936124418482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233956980302078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315067648892361,0.0,0.5307692792029717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502341424337916,0.1001340442197695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676816681591325,0.12003049303457106,0.0,0.10847327343784474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887471042999614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338128462498311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324209776436807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726241587561396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065943912616498,0.0,0.0,0.2360905372190593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769027300951494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183232763687316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093508246268235,0.0,0.1027028676126142,0.0,0.0,0.1406266927322688,0.0,0.1394016209226843,0.1157787715982806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119080862755487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501528656137349,0.0,0.0,0.11045127562387598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PantsuPriestess,2019/08/19,"Struggling Lately *Lately despite receiving love from those around me, its hard to feel it.. its like a barrier is in the way blocking every shot. I think I'm scared to let anyone truly in right now, friends, family or a loved one.. the concept makes my heart sink because ultimately i don't feel like i have the energy to fight the battle i am currently fighting.*

​

*So much has happened in a short time and i feel like my fuse is about to blow, i've held it together best i could but mistakes are beginning to happen, sensory overloads most days (Im autistic), self hate going through the roof.*

​

*Right now bad memories are swirling through my head, thoughts of never being enough, always fucking up.. never being the only one.. so its safer to stay away, from everyone but how do you stay away from yourself?*

​

*Doesn't matter what supports on offer sometimes, who's there or whats done for you by others or yourself.. sometimes the bad voices in your head scream over everything and attempt to crush you until you can't speak anymore let alone let off a weak whimper.*

​

*I'm pretty crushed.. I'm pushing myself to the point i feel sick most days, don't really eat or drink if I'm alone.. then you have to wonder if there ever an end to it, that one day all the bad stuff will just stop, will the voice shut up? Will your heart stop sinking?..*

​

*Who knows.. but I'll keep pushing in hopes one day it gets easier.. go on adventures.. try to love, try to be loved.. try to let people in even if it hurts my brain and heart.*

​

*Living is beginning to feel like a self harm to be lately.. but i can't give in can i?..*

​

*None of us probably should give in.. it can't be all bad?..* 

​

*Right?..*",1.8245843556068704,4.494926600591718,2.602045028142591,91.0905159474672,84.76923076923076,5.309395295136382,22.74094385914273,6.807656815369643,0.7931142156155291,1373,49,265,17,41,429,183,338,0.201,0.7170000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9929,1,2,1,0,3,0,111.0,1,7,0,2,14,29,5,2,16,0,32,15,6,2,5,45,65,19,0,7,12,0,6,4,1,4,2,4,0,2,17,4,2,6,9,1,0,5,9,16,0,4,3,10,23,13,43,48,8,52,0,1,0,5,24,23,1,11,25,170,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768077188456,0.0,0.0,0.03923836611754807,0.40875634804044897,0.4584069173985773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046767030163980886,0.032973240980267375,0.0,0.0,0.04197968982991609,0.0,0.0,0.0886110273431828,0.0,0.15749635830746556,0.0287464434595408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948831730662586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264276006057858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037650993187228005,0.0,0.0,0.12164934497750078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048257939837773926,0.0,0.04619586528796888,0.0,0.04825334003920142,0.0,0.0,0.04176706721882088,0.048725742713922535,0.0,0.03114672553201434,0.042656167641626816,0.039731770366737036,0.04506049354288392,0.042381632500248616,0.0,0.04445538245676811,0.0,0.11921987253032056,0.1347557587975079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036433348212462593,0.043595847123277985,0.024637563844341445,0.09047450081259713,0.05360077110331951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340148315936445,0.0,0.042243371147666124,0.04655773237364408,0.09679328589247717,0.0,0.0,0.16764366426687918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683749889932407,0.0,0.0,0.05048249808584383,0.0,0.050937606031060303,0.0,0.0,0.041915270356966426,0.0,0.0,0.025916230457142843,0.0,0.15958530545467536,0.0,0.0,0.1928847351795196,0.0,0.09215402933779557,0.0,0.0416404572289758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024398028343346,0.0,0.03147763516056723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034665789545874584,0.0,0.07274070516873936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278190987236519,0.035864990981209134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032692696559547214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445785671001136,0.0,0.0,0.047975578780427464,0.05084317580457348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030209954353008682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081535155380388,0.0,0.0,0.04721234082958116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838998197527214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327887308970144,0.0,0.0,0.1005260840438056,0.0,0.07885065566066311,0.0,0.04929869061654593,0.05398343387623232,0.0,0.05351315627998501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03021627410708201,0.0,0.03743735659278639,0.027497601013021764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604943557643322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672401331833371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743099770888908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113970858317995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584069173985773,0.0
bpd,Doom-N-Gloom,2019/08/19,"Can anyone else relate? I have been completely unable to maintain any semblance of relationship on any level
I have been a bastard to the people who have actively attempted to deliver me from peril
I have been acutely undeserving of the ear that listen up and lip that kissed me on the temple
I have been accustomed to a stubborn disposition that admits it wish it's history disassembled
I have been a hypocrite in sermonizing tolerance while skimming for a ministry to pretzel
I have been unfairly resentful of those I wish had acted different when the bidding was essential
I have been a terrible communicator prone to isolation over sympathy for devils
I have been my own worst enemy since the very genesis of rebels",8.353750000000002,9.544301875000002,9.087500000000002,58.4075,61.5,13.275,40.21875,12.602617957971056,6.09566875,592,31,85,22,8,200,81,128,0.233,0.65,0.11800000000000001,-0.9575,1,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,10,0,20,3,2,0,0,5,24,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,10,2,12,1,18,14,2,9,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563711557005085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832135535198353,0.2684749633914644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747275991804545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273759729949052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188877647627173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165472767462745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813161467330735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216749292156988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619757220462724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6026302596038466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,1608665704,2019/08/19,"Last night I had a complete meltdown about where to go to dinner with my (I’m a lesbian) girlfriend We were supposed to go to restaurant A as a special thing for me but it appeared to have a long wait. Because of this, I suggested another restaurant (B) which she rejected. I then suggested a third restaurant (C) which we agreed upon. Then, however, I made the monumentous mistake of saying that every time I suggest an activity or somewhere to eat, she says no to it, which is true. She then, seemingly spitefully, said that we would go to restaurant B that she had said she didn’t want to go to. I took this as spiteful to make me feel shitty and emotionally manipulated about forcing her to do something she didn’t want to do, and had a meltdown complete with screaming and crying and thoughts of self harm and suicide. To make matters worse I am bipolar type 1 with psychotic features. And no thank you to the comments that i should leave because I absolutely will not. I see a psychiatrist, and I’m in therapy as well as a dbt group. 

I’m tired of living like this. I just want it to end but I know it won’t. I am truly crazy and can be set off by anything.",4.981630276564772,5.7035399432314415,5.925572052401747,79.77077438136828,68.78165938864629,8.726754002911209,34.48064046579331,8.841846274778883,2.8953595924308595,913,44,178,15,15,302,128,229,0.23399999999999999,0.6629999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.9912,1,1,1,0,0,2,27.0,3,1,0,0,5,11,2,0,12,0,18,5,0,4,1,37,42,18,1,6,5,0,1,1,1,4,2,5,0,1,15,14,2,1,4,0,0,6,6,6,1,1,11,7,27,5,34,26,0,19,0,1,1,1,22,4,0,3,9,127,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192133163006605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922548014693513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663735437586173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038118852965195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914599229831136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825037984819864,0.0,0.16297266588756001,0.12832238297504422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206927114526955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325665487079246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32935894882168976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962331739903464,0.11809810661413682,0.0,0.15340904006392828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078199064961728,0.0,0.12793339479159702,0.1282159451148358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709078123708154,0.19341962092099504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596187273963214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27563177801879746,0.2304318449721432,0.0,0.0,0.1154521368915528,0.13189506381246335,0.1511434461245733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153718472795468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584773114754924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338781172416944,0.16568510867292935,0.0,0.0962531137047817,0.0,0.0,0.11502006557233335,0.08448181601072342,0.16652046065009665,0.0,0.0,0.16096915039862336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563653406946452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026625086336638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476470599420065,0.10291996318278623,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TranZeitgeist,2019/08/19,"Weekly DAE ""Does Anybody Else?"" So much DAE in one wonderful post! Be amazed, you're not alone!

[r/BPD](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/)  is growing. What would you  like to see for our community? Share your constructive thoughts with [modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/BPD) !",7.811428571428577,12.027152523809526,4.169047619047621,75.85928571428572,83.28571428571428,8.114285714285714,29.809523809523807,8.418075326091056,3.489152380952381,234,10,32,6,7,62,39,42,0.0,0.638,0.36200000000000004,0.9377,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,3,4,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806618692943308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7955406452818198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842536271144388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588741545046993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028640406917824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477839491483308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267405415450712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164859271275185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778100189288947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715309355979452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889042113047698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833237363430745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495686004825313,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,will_clutterbuck,2019/08/19,Splitting in relationships? My girlfriend has bpd. Does anyone have any advice for what to do if she splits on me?,2.4800000000000004,5.451796047619052,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,88.5238095238095,4.704761904761905,21.285714285714285,6.42735559955562,0.5782571428571432,91,3,16,1,3,28,21,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200875611045241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923427450011707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005919659918823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5414365981381687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762032436097084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615454041864896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ladygimli1i,2019/08/19,"I wish I felt normal Genuinely fed up of being completely overwhelmed by the most normal and basic human thing. I’ve been invited to a wedding and my partner wants to dance with me there and the idea makes me want to be sick. 
I felt so “okay” today but now I’m on the edge and freaking out. I want to be normal for him and for him to be able to have a normal girlfriend so he doesn’t think I’m useless or that someone else would be better.",2.685437788018433,3.7845469139784953,4.182826420890937,88.73709677419356,74.48387096774194,6.604608294930878,24.038402457757297,6.868970318607317,0.7632531490015362,345,10,74,3,7,115,62,93,0.10099999999999999,0.7809999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.3415,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,5,1,9,2,0,1,0,24,20,9,0,9,2,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,2,9,2,14,10,1,6,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,51,11,0,0.17740695820382973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690203770774858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860078203680883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482007492156345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406770020037146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20027086176295386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842052218866347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.695284607903891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503163399787655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178613000369892,0.11367521543800635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681610527260834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31391766121323383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040092466340412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260248130537063,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SAKEHUNTER1991,2019/08/19,"Identity Crisis (help) I am looking for some advice regarding the identity crisis I am facing right now. 

I had a triggering event about two weeks ago and ever since then I have been going downhill and have not felt like myself. I feel like an imposter of some sort. 

Things at work have been going downhill, I feel myself getting walked on by everyone. I am paranoid, having trust issues, rage etc


Any advice regarding feelings of losing your identity would appreciated 

Thanks in advance",5.413837209302328,8.248072186046514,5.753662790697675,72.95863372093025,71.32558139534882,8.020930232558143,29.3546511627907,8.841846274778883,2.9680976744186056,392,16,57,8,8,125,62,86,0.21,0.693,0.09699999999999999,-0.8784,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,3,3,6,1,0,3,0,11,1,1,1,1,13,20,3,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,4,5,10,4,8,15,3,14,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,3,8,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064032129057433,0.18433084015768295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140984146945348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319138243793814,0.0,0.188098304867082,0.0,0.19870051438046407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154299671432129,0.14855606587681902,0.1996599664752057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864276495980102,0.0,0.2363600562715332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393812593505968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704072414753856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031830056879624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462156445161903,0.2326374468966957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758403286573654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201438754091736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144796762227906,0.0,0.0,0.13814952624159135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313220847324895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680106656522525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138655515686672,0.0,0.0,0.14771827743789234,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shhh91,2019/08/19,I just want to die I’m going to die alone because I’ve ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. I want to die.,-0.8725333333333332,1.1106038800000029,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,90.2,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.155266666666666,87,2,19,1,3,33,15,25,0.519,0.401,0.08,-0.9451,0,1,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627824593889798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466833370055352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7899791117495001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22950868271644204,0.2137741570099056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419769811321972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724055704781122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299307019581992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,misshawk763,2019/08/19,"My favorite person is actually my parrot! (Cuteness overload picture isn’t allowed sadly) I adopted my parrot almost 3 years ago before I even knew I had BPD. He constantly reminds me of every kind and loving thing I have ever said or done since I adopted him. The reason he is my favorite person is because he still shows me unconditional love regardless of my BPD. 

Every morning he will say “good morning” then say “I love you” followed by a long string of kisses - he does this EVERY DAY! 

When I am on the verge of tears he will do whatever possible to distract me until I can find a reason to smile or laugh. If I start crying, he will break out of his cage and fly over to me to give me kisses until I feel better. 

He knows my normal routines with medications and will chirp at me until I remember to take them. Then once I take them he will say “good boy” just like I say to him when he does the right thing!! 

Not only that, he will also remind me to look after myself in a way that I can’t possibly ignore. He will refuse to eat unless he sees me eat, he will tip the water out of his water bowl until he watches me drinking tea or water regularly for at least half an hour. 

He will show interest in my hobbies and try to play games with me (his current favorite thing to do with me is playing fetch). 

These are just some of the reasons why I am proud to say that my parrot is my favorite person. I am so glad that I know my favorite person will not abandon me and that his affection is genuine. He may not be a person, but he treats me better than any person ever has",5.096022108562945,5.0716057429467085,6.27200131991421,79.99932684375518,68.3730407523511,8.220491668041577,28.701699389539684,7.669130373188453,1.7346764890282134,1228,38,241,12,19,414,162,319,0.031,0.804,0.165,0.9883,3,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,3,10,23,0,1,10,0,31,13,0,5,2,42,46,21,0,3,11,0,1,1,0,11,1,6,0,7,10,10,7,3,9,6,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,10,50,19,38,30,2,33,0,2,3,5,46,10,0,7,21,167,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.08586080658924562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799351966927386,0.0,0.08810441029230646,0.0,0.0,0.07036168627462344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059832913703654185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053634925918738016,0.0,0.07486887543580796,0.0,0.0,0.15563141613645126,0.0,0.0,0.22162841258312327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508068121492848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664754703040812,0.05674313776514986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399278138299166,0.09003934806171209,0.0,0.08619194287319297,0.0,0.180061531575328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811335648780605,0.15917519637905644,0.22239383072617772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044487931456319914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041682580890401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440336550586224,0.0,0.14759552537690918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866476416194324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162298588156936,0.09670866607329537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042985096083298494,0.0,0.0,0.07786408194500169,0.07388535966139065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23823007749109498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863577406536996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620675815210904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370130471276956,0.0,0.06691666525846073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609513935308445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983800552041452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139013966287084,0.0,0.0,0.09967001421524473,0.07513883053109661,0.08369401844318201,0.3498465819438237,0.0,0.0,0.07011276670462448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278221868133469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062276336369402115,0.0,0.07026504806161356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323077538060635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536025631425506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059736135926162184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983851035368352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939290544767666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566595467461383
bpd,Throwaway19967653221,2019/08/19,"Scared about so much [venting] [support] I don't know what to do about my bpd with my bf. He promises I'm not as bad as j think I am, he's wonderfully sweet, and supportive, and caring. I have such a hard time trusting though. Everyone just says choose to trust but I have no idea what that feels like, I don't really trust anyone. It's going to get even worse when he leaves for school, which is 17 hours away. He hasn't decided if he wants me to come with him yet, and if he doesn't, I'm scared that'll ruin our relationship. I'll either get more paranoid and worried, or my feelings will go away, plus being told he doesn't want me to come is going to be a kick in the stomach too. I want to live with him, and I have a hard time dealing with the fact that he might not want to, or might not feel ready. 
  I want to trust and recover so badly, but every step back feels like the end of the world. I have such an issue with wanting him to behave like I do towards him, all loving and loyal and affectionate and I guess, almost obsessed. I love posting pics of him, and sending him sweet messages throughout the day. I love drawing him things, writing him notes, and making dinner for him when he's done work. I take pics together so I can look and remember the happy feelings. He doesn't ever take pics of me, and it bugs me. It makes me feel like he's not proud of me, doesn't think I'm pretty enough. He's done it for his exs. 
  I just want someone to love me as much as I love them, and be proud of and show me off but instead I just always feel annoying and awful, like a burden, ugly and whiny.",2.4041584385763493,3.614439005970152,3.6654477611940335,91.73204075774971,75.3582089552239,6.46727898966705,22.13834672789897,6.844919456158928,0.3817554535017221,1237,31,280,11,26,404,162,335,0.163,0.617,0.22,0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,1,3,19,33,1,3,11,1,26,7,1,2,3,72,69,35,0,9,15,1,9,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,11,25,1,0,15,1,0,7,12,8,0,0,3,13,41,25,36,59,6,24,0,1,1,5,38,6,0,9,15,176,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538962557426735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095482606237058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596255861280928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023552085497447,0.06557046721312743,0.1424005102007204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739965856592716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694255918106951,0.0,0.0,0.14691205635417076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549946963108874,0.08791378296638208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452988317911947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552748197436827,0.08811087058693857,0.0,0.056322694118196716,0.07713524427678389,0.07184705008043388,0.08148299223371666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018197906231699,0.18275935721436365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891043246774739,0.0,0.14538959314914374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939389604955516,0.0,0.0,0.09077579308396104,0.15277756688907276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397774470346489,0.0,0.0,0.09626400291444014,0.0,0.08900393486778463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686437806227873,0.0,0.0,0.0902928876436686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830292420374336,0.0,0.07529853284380805,0.0,0.07160871034690018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848157175106752,0.0,0.11384215749360435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809245451260305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537245104312605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166895105646277,0.08675434745190409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462872867969027,0.0,0.0,0.0915523978112247,0.09659885545553487,0.0,0.0,0.06781333316120944,0.1707483650835367,0.08630187328553639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722524108720869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353592269973235,0.0,0.0,0.12823091966213018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566522779718681,0.10928031341050597,0.08378130380845678,0.0,0.09944794801936792,0.0,0.0,0.08148299223371666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520778355130046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247605051977624,0.062080511148132636,0.08659991913542925,0.08690152411296058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aquabluemoon,2019/08/19,"I can't live with the constant emotional pain. I hate myself so much. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm on medication, I see a therapist regularly, but no matter how hard I fight, I can't seem to cope with this disorder. I just feel so, so sad and lonely because I can't maintain a friendship. I've become such a boring and quiet person, I can't imagine anyone wanting to stick around. The sadness is slowly devouring me, and I can't seem to do anything else other than cry all the time.",2.8364603960396018,4.268942485148518,4.989195544554455,81.77904084158416,74.64356435643565,7.426237623762375,27.476485148514854,8.07648339933343,1.8510485148514848,385,15,76,6,8,134,66,101,0.37,0.607,0.023,-0.9904,0,2,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,6,0,9,2,0,1,1,17,17,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,0,4,12,0,9,17,2,4,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,2,2,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799147382782976,0.1466450395571201,0.0,0.17258632688270642,0.1867002785497417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784679979664815,0.2316254852895228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226638903803671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303737608355114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403637461776387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519885568249274,0.23591310979123425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106043582028629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878729736237585,0.2070606438023092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525972356898526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519157704800807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127651185582014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417247222606376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231628611811381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183124333989666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712417691517026,0.3818526806400685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435076255105116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229270367124777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370161265302827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SlickRickMcgee,2019/08/19,"Need some help figuring myself out Hey folks, I’m battling at the moment with mental health and whether I have BPD or not, and would love some input about uncertainties. I don’t expect anyone to provide any diagnosis, just very uncertain.

I’ve been struggling with intense social anxiety all my life (I’m 23) and only in the past year some intense depressive symptoms. I had been seeing a psychologist for a while and a few months ago I went to a psychiatrist for the first time. At the end of my session, he said he thinks I might have BPD, but I should go and look at the symptoms and see if it sits with me. 6 months ago my partner at the time had said she thought I may have it, but I was struggling to process anything.

I’ve done a lot of reading, and I feel a lot of symptoms I’ve read about relating to BPD really reside with me - fear of abandonment, intense/unstable relationships, I struggle so so much with who I am/self image, emptiness, guilt, self hate, self harm etc. - but I’m really unsure.

I’m really tired of feeling how I do, and I want to make a conscious effort to be and feel better. I just really want to know why I feel like this. I have always thought it was depression/anxiety but I’m so unsure. I battle with feeling like an imposter which plagues my mind a lot too.

Sorry for the rant, but if anyone has felt uncertain and has any advice, I would really love it.

Thank you very much xx",3.832291137095407,5.172655174377227,4.997966446365023,83.06258600237248,71.98932384341637,8.199356041348924,27.615827825792238,8.704169506293173,2.0140034231486195,1108,40,221,20,21,366,147,281,0.23199999999999998,0.685,0.083,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,3,9,19,3,7,16,0,21,8,0,2,1,63,51,24,0,9,12,0,6,2,1,5,6,2,0,3,7,17,0,1,12,2,0,2,2,13,0,1,13,11,27,6,29,32,11,21,0,2,3,2,16,6,0,13,14,140,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404294797873102,0.15247622772943878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156292826105452,0.0,0.0,0.11697249994974067,0.0,0.1315869558599323,0.0,0.0,0.1202731873053224,0.0,0.07077466678106094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606430428227373,0.0,0.0,0.3249603087375287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407585475487949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801282592376969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617477308053355,0.0,0.0959181466037542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677937156036427,0.21743319178022205,0.12288376981218492,0.08257814723429688,0.0,0.0,0.07315568490526846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887854052985925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849119877181233,0.0,0.09141913806929,0.0,0.0,0.05764724075411795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726601855554945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060747771869545435,0.08403525481554729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222241651212417,0.0,0.0,0.21935475400971027,0.1552454772377896,0.0,0.05740890790597687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667266430818373,0.09123755889512694,0.08684038534588126,0.0,0.13729650791069087,0.0,0.12644692711987246,0.0637715095022686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541056701960403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210136482702655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205625633680904,0.0,0.27548455886995354,0.0,0.0,0.09233702681383628,0.0,0.0,0.16362062219846066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706946715737145,0.0,0.2691654591558271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767111784046161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627539276935934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269732841274808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26817592203369983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918171447746243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055108437740847296,0.0,0.13655649453430924,0.10030024403926133,0.0988499278863447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192602346915326,0.10145578243574303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797273613347868,0.07760600356590149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219076141112956,0.0,0.0,0.05538430621765143
bpd,WeNeverWent2theMoon,2019/08/19,"Do I tell her? My ex has BPD. Im 100% positive on that. She doesn't know she has it. Should I tell her, or try to get her help? How did you guys figure out you had bpd? I read also that some people in here wish they never found out they had it? That they were happier not knowing. I'm just looking for answers and guidance. 

The way I see it, the person I love is sick, but doesn't know she's sick. I can make her aware, and give her the option to get help and get better. To me it's no different than if I had found a lump on her breast and advised her to get a mammogram.",-0.0056561679790014825,1.543194622047242,2.1957677165354355,98.17008202099736,83.09448818897637,5.493175853018373,17.66994750656168,6.42735559955562,-0.4349154855643045,435,9,111,4,12,147,77,127,0.07200000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.147,0.8299,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,3,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,13,6,1,2,1,25,29,9,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,2,24,2,11,21,1,7,0,0,2,2,25,5,0,4,1,75,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232145816788268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633941431940178,0.0,0.0,0.4167920963402031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287460679826003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628453535486445,0.0,0.0,0.3457923309179361,0.15872809463977322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383532115579968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181399090382886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872945588434536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728039730815371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389480418291182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933767178363944,0.0,0.11044846908085072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761599600425655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471186659060685,0.14447673576795447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550872330916197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185334260367876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924556457135353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233915827732806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313375789517579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027537248290066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,femmetastic,2019/08/19,"BPD and persecutory delusions? Hey all, I don’t have BPD myself (ironically, was diagnosed with it by a shitty psychiatrist a decade ago, but every professional I’ve come into contact with since agrees that I don’t have it), but I have a good friend who does. She is in her mid-30s and did an intensive DBT program a number of years ago. She had a period of improvement after that but has still struggled with her mental health. 

I’m going to be vague with details on this for the sake of confidentiality and the like, so apologies if it’s too vague. But the issue, essentially, is this. I believe my friend might be suffering from a chronic persecutory delusion. She has been saying that her roommate (a woman in her early 30s) was committing domestic violence against her, and that she was in fear for her safety. She went as far as temporarily rehoming her pet in fear that her roommate would injure said pet, and recently, took very drastic measures to get her roommate out of the apartment. (Think bureaucracy rather than violence, but still.) The thing is...I know this makes me sound like a jerk, but trust me...her belief that this roommate posed a serious threat to her safety does not seem like it is based in reality at all. One of the main things this claim is based on, for example, is that the roommate has been deliberately destroying her possessions, but the only concrete example she ever gave was of minor damage to a small inexpensive item that sounded like it was very likely accidental. There has been pretty much no other evidence or examples given, and it doesn’t add up in the slightest. Again, I know it sounds awful to deny someone’s claim of abuse, but there is a lot of evidence that this roommate is not and never was a safety threat or domestic abuser. I’m just not sharing a lot of specifics because I’m worried about someone seeing this and realizing who I am and who I’m talking about. 

I’m not a doctor or psychologist but from what I’ve seen, it actually seems like this is a classic persecutory delusion. My friend does not seem schizophrenic or otherwise “out of it”, but seems to have a belief that this person is personally out to hurt her and that she had to take drastic measures or she was going to cause her serious physical harm. When all signs point to this not being true. 

My question is twofold. Can a fixed persecutory delusion be a symptom of BPD, or is it kind of its own thing? And...how the hell do I approach this with her? I typically speak very frankly with her as I have known her for a long time but she seems to be flipping out and doubling down whenever people even hint that her perception may not be reality.",7.093706039624326,7.275245701789262,7.5490354425173125,71.83278330019884,64.14910536779324,10.675505587166656,34.83985740728045,10.401786478921641,3.6123315143621024,2120,88,383,47,29,698,232,503,0.18,0.7140000000000001,0.107,-0.993,0,0,0,0,3,0,59.0,0,0,0,0,14,28,5,3,30,1,48,7,0,2,7,80,74,34,0,3,27,0,0,6,3,3,7,6,2,3,42,24,0,0,14,0,1,6,12,14,0,1,19,8,40,14,60,46,10,41,3,3,2,0,45,20,1,17,21,281,82,3,0.0,0.20886860855717476,0.08601424582275098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626579902767315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373077526198329,0.0,0.0,0.0993062759613279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330367169579778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054650170526024,0.0,0.07592685362170651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946265785654244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021745836073823,0.23140196579165698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821720909797975,0.07972982676328429,0.07426375465683355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836935962387414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042957468043609,0.0,0.046050754340663115,0.0,0.1001866888359578,0.0739296444234527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369122563923857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435823819846216,0.0,0.0,0.09199774208007447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178672253026396,0.09688149118623196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25837148063921245,0.0,0.0,0.07800323047534796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149870994826682,0.0,0.0,0.058835721468347466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888267852875315,0.0935051335830544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647947893098547,0.0,0.06798083539135234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597275561877412,0.06703624999373015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110682645042954,0.15392504857766615,0.0,0.0,0.08332303694293973,0.0,0.0,0.0896724857508999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873963521517924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702996428002946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384358547555733,0.07009435642393405,0.0,0.0,0.07023806309548608,0.4012075507422149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291228556855495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493655009735924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078123317970434,0.0,0.0,0.09214555080373016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161367941442956,0.06627209848245352,0.07084550432117181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567363728963867,0.056478076517088666,0.0,0.0,0.05139652918643027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979294246649195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218180077548694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081708867073074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951286296062644,0.0,0.0626138161011947,0.0,0.0,0.05676080129718253
bpd,ziplinetohell3,2019/08/19,"Fuck being alive. CW: everything

throwaway for obvious reasons lol

I have no friends, no family, no job; nothing. Most of what I do is think- about how fucking awful being alive is- constantly. The thinking never stops. I starve myself for months at a time with adderall. I cut myself deep, I enjoy doing it and I enjoy showing it off. I degrade myself in front of other people. I let them degrade me. I do the same things back to them

My parents divorced when i was 8 and my dad died in the same house as me when i was 10. Had to watch my mom get beaten nearly to death by her boyfriend. Lots of running away and institutions the next few years, stopped going to school, had no friends, and my mother hated me. No one was ever there for me, all of this sub's talk of support groups, family, and partners just makes me jealous frustrated and pissed off.

When I was 15 I met my first boyfriend and slave who I abused in every way I could think of. He said he wanted it, but later he said i forced him. He told his parents and tried to put me in prison. Didn't work.

Since then I've felt nothing but existential hatred, emptiness, self contempt, and misanthropy. More than before. I've removed everything positive from my life, and spend most of my time actively destroying myself and other people. I've burned every bridge, stabbed every back, etc etc etc.

Might sound like a contradiction to everything I just said, but I care about people, they just piss me off and hurt me so much no matter how much I try to please them. They're unreliable, worthless, and make me hate being alive more than anything. Fuck them and fuck whoever created this disgusting piece of shit planet.

Dont tell me to go to therapy, call a hotline, or whatever else you think i should do, i dont care. Im just so sick of this shitty worthless existence.",3.4104322397879936,5.503390065155809,4.1608827560997925,85.51279082518506,74.69405099150141,7.0477565567029155,25.551402723202052,7.941651935203635,1.53379510189162,1435,50,274,22,31,458,199,353,0.27699999999999997,0.6,0.122,-0.9969,3,0,0,0,2,1,52.0,0,1,5,3,17,29,16,0,7,2,23,9,3,5,4,49,48,27,2,3,8,5,1,1,3,2,2,4,0,2,11,15,0,2,6,1,1,6,10,21,0,2,13,6,51,8,39,28,15,36,0,3,1,4,33,11,7,5,19,189,62,4,0.0,0.10116021370496933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025968389781104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021642856868527,0.13130243959272195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265128361767244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718155663827094,0.0,0.17409926465528613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226442226222446,0.0,0.06816822456749655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860997493507995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012722292506124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132324119671378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856606311390101,0.0,0.07723023933322379,0.21580659755950574,0.0,0.2301995562864005,0.0,0.1609755407766988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197727782310338,0.0,0.0,0.07262337684573103,0.0,0.0,0.1319272854419913,0.3157262260925405,0.04460703006121024,0.0,0.09704576406238156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685882728255136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851596121050354,0.09140003954560694,0.0,0.09222402579366408,0.0,0.08472553354169701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730586387173896,0.06030574841495029,0.04171189147295516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258621565764588,0.0,0.0,0.11398235854278413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057368037365196,0.0,0.09999491219740188,0.06814874364523182,0.0,0.12552685209772196,0.0,0.06584958729352647,0.0,0.0908015889439164,0.0,0.0,0.1638470035208653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785505433070895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896066635793063,0.0,0.0,0.1775732504350688,0.0,0.0,0.09372055873855964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582952773015988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778388390331862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24364508625076176,0.0,0.0,0.08640815740248571,0.0,0.0,0.08906897028094157,0.0,0.08764036853665416,0.07062643295977858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276141868665962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968871348617438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862444679143133,0.0746250534802526,0.0,0.09763838524775056,0.0,0.056722047457838425,0.21882979274218156,0.0,0.0,0.0995704220391692,0.0,0.0,0.08158334171103676,0.0,0.1159335418926239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035877615355931,0.06776991631845072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621569657145974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498130934037905
bpd,syl_acious,2019/08/19,Book recommendations I am looking for books about BPD to read. I have already read I Hate You; Don’t Leave Me. And I want to read more about it.,-0.09600000000000007,2.205669066666669,1.495000000000001,97.7025,91.66666666666666,4.333333333333334,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.6219999999999999,112,3,27,1,4,36,23,30,0.174,0.78,0.046,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,17,7,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853297315730427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256499417097357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255276565543876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737799541505513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171270622435249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7758962788116931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250663887847804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nmcelligott,2019/08/19,"Not quite sure how to feel My S/O and i had a talk tonight that led to me breaking down crying about a lot of things, i opened up about a lot of personal stuff to him that i’ve kept inside for weeks, he acted like he cared for 10Min and then right after as i was about to leave told me he wanted to smoke (which usually i have no problems with him wanting to do so) but i told him i really needed him tonight, he told me he wanted to anyways and even though i asked him not to just for tonight he did anyways, and now isn’t there to support me, i guess i’m just confused as to why someone can act like there care for 10min and then flop to not being there or caring about it at all and ignoring you",2.402113184828416,3.2268705960264903,3.517278747742328,94.2951956652619,74.82781456953644,6.550511739915713,22.99879590608068,6.574015621080383,0.32006754966887474,544,14,130,4,11,176,89,151,0.11199999999999999,0.768,0.12,0.644,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,16,10,0,1,3,0,8,0,0,2,2,31,24,15,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,7,1,19,7,28,16,3,18,0,0,0,0,18,5,0,5,11,93,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242674748782522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659931426494322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673493954848837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006257828227347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077032771801706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783077559432408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613167240083061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886109509093595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590451588202334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296564472787705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302620263956122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577843939705087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204305006633948,0.0,0.0,0.0975993544710182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010612533046345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908571790930498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440437800345246,0.0,0.17288505131796386,0.14358813575346566,0.0,0.0,0.1224532134440078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121461533156,0.0,0.14968316792416336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367310553211372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779207564039403,0.0,0.2695800514291704,0.0,0.12220603463937535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747223950005627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nefariaus,2019/08/19,"Just so you know, you can have a loving, stable and long term relationship with someone and still have BPD! And being in a loving, stable relationship doesnt make your BPD any less valid than those who do struggle with personal relationships!

I am so sick of being told that ""Oh, you must be doing okay because you've been in a relationship for 10 years!""

...Like, yes, I have. What's your point?

BPD isn't just characterised by unstable relationships. Yes, it's a symptom, but so is psychosis and dissociation but less than half of BPD sufferers experience those.

I have had multiple psychiatrists and other mental health professionals visibly shocked when I tell them that I've been in a relationship with the same person for nearly a decade. Like, they just can't fathom the idea of someone with BPD to have some kind of stability in their lives.

And, let me tell you, I've worked damn hard for my relationship. It didn't just materialise out of nowhere. It isn't one sided, it isn't abusive, I'm not holding him against his will. It hasn't been easy!

We've fought and gone through so much shit. We've overcome things that I, genuinely, thought were impossible. We've had to compromise and grow and love and understand each other. 

We've had to mature with each other.

And it seriously gets me down when my personal trauma is completely disregarded and that ""it can't be that bad"" just because I have a loving relationship with one singular human being.

What I've suffered and experienced in my life isn't just miraculously better because of my relationship. My trauma is still valid. My mental health is still important.

Just because I don't match one criteria out of 9, it doesn't make my BPD any less of that than someone elses.",5.776348631239937,7.269708027777778,6.2928019323671505,75.0367391304348,67.48765432098766,9.832313472893183,30.44498121309716,10.074871250255047,3.0791045625335487,1387,53,253,34,23,450,154,324,0.147,0.7340000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.9019,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,6,3,2,16,20,3,1,9,3,40,10,1,2,1,44,54,21,0,1,10,0,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,4,23,23,0,2,4,0,0,2,12,11,0,4,12,2,27,9,35,34,9,21,0,2,0,4,33,11,2,1,10,178,50,2,0.0,0.07812154249828512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967537504404376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505251232109016,0.16077211686679369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831366361245562,0.0,0.0,0.4982527957081718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913101719197817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507977310639872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449654469626805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03444802919072852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906431705680998,0.0,0.0,0.14017047589970694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443196936660786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866058422525946,0.03623584981622875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742244312272057,0.04657145250235866,0.06442448435097069,0.0,0.05822132801772481,0.058349914107991535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23803366434285064,0.0,0.08802351577592077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289283688460848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048469407841644455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403667074543904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727142576437347,0.0,0.0,0.0623293678891169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6371003237672485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768076622662643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759813855262054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579660127021726,0.0,0.0,0.06892900386389082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853114021525644,0.0,0.0,0.1152592323281732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380391933523165,0.0,0.0,0.05234458897315908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300319328326798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864008856981417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048001065446531765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042459624559242966
bpd,minifuego,2019/08/19,"Dissociating to avoid splitting? not sure if I flaired this right but I'm hoping I did. I'm really not entirely sure what's happening but I think I was trying to avoid splitting but I couldn't stop myself so I went to sleep. when I woke up, I was in a dissociative state. Was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? 

I've never heard of this before is all and was wondering if something else might've caused this to happen, but this is the only reason I could think of.

Thank you",1.624545454545455,4.0747698383838395,3.2957575757575768,87.46363636363638,82.93939393939394,6.428282828282829,20.11111111111111,7.686295010490155,0.8296989898989899,390,11,79,7,11,129,60,99,0.08900000000000001,0.809,0.10300000000000001,0.5136,0,2,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,10,1,1,2,4,27,24,10,0,6,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,8,1,11,4,9,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,6,3,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057827352812492,0.17669133614486987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146738870014704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714957493521094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376841226451478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881130600270945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574803636254324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712778175804953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293798607943249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300100905631118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115297629383665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047334235142907,0.17730323936549905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472679671249088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725705681488192,0.0,0.0,0.13275737860497927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417260244167746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250566843330189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876513528243133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099290551783604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707953450383235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985919718411185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740207262841693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway33233233,2019/08/19,"SO having an episode During an episode, should I try to point it out that they may very well be having an episode? What should I do if so or if not. Thank you guys!",-0.0990000000000002,1.985256171428574,0.633928571428573,106.10232142857143,87.28571428571428,3.5,17.32142857142857,3.1291,-1.2900000000000005,126,3,32,0,4,38,26,35,0.059000000000000004,0.866,0.075,0.1469,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,8,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,0,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580999203687484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43735730758617997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425949385195209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31411150598104376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817377713960304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159812560811488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,keipeinana,2019/08/19,Irritability Do any of you ever suddenly find yourself absolutely pissed and so overwhelmed at everything you could cry suddenly when literally a second ago you were laughing with friends? I hate it so much. I can’t ever turn it off for the rest of the day when it happens and I just wanna not feel like this. How do I fix this???,5.8515625,6.42063103125,6.875000000000004,74.27000000000002,66.8125,10.15,33.1875,10.125756701596842,3.28879375,262,11,50,6,4,88,48,64,0.225,0.6709999999999999,0.105,-0.8741,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,8,6,2,1,3,0,5,1,1,1,2,12,9,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,7,3,7,7,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,9,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120424392252585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504040813607772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725332218786966,0.0,0.29889404411146503,0.17548490823945556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922682430109047,0.0,0.0,0.2445500020314948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758422387015606,0.19439152731724565,0.0,0.0,0.2486986066295929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102272813422092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406211331752335,0.0,0.0,0.2686468848619661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293652658162786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002813491946705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959715868574619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xPhoenix_Risingx,2019/08/19,Solution for fear of abandonment What are some tactics or/and solutions when you fear someone will abandon you?,6.126315789473683,9.555602947368428,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,72.15789473684211,10.115789473684213,41.078947368421055,10.125756701596842,5.627084210526316,92,6,13,3,2,28,17,19,0.44299999999999995,0.418,0.139,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9358720000284808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523401759134082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RandomActsofCandor,2019/08/19,"Cutting relapse after emotional argument My partner and I havent been having sex. He hasn't initated or been able to maintain an erection. I thought it was all the bickering we had since moving in together. Maybe work was tough, but eventually I took it personally. A t the same time I was making personal gains, as I struggle with bulimia. I threw away my scale and began being comfortable being nude... things that are challenging for someone with an eating disorder. I confessed to him two days about about my bulimia and apologized because I kept it secret from him and really everyone, but I did it knowing that I was ready to get help.

One day later he confides in me that a recent porn addiction is causing him erectile dysfunction. I did not react well, crying and down right angry because he let me blame myself thinking it was me. I dont think his timing could be any worse telling someone with an eating disorder that he is hooked on porn :(

I lost control today. I woke up before him and got ready to be out on my own when he interrupted me wanting to know why I wanted to be alone and being insecure. I raised my voice that I wanted to him to fuck me but I wasnt going to get that. I simply lost control, reverting back to my 25 year old self and went upstairs and got a razor and simply began cutting in private. It was euphoric and super effective and initially he didnt notice and when I came down from my high he asked why I was washing my skirt and I'm a terrible liar so I told him.  He was non judgemental, but when I was alone again I began banging my head on a wall and punching it. I had completely lost control. 


We talked through all this but I'm ashamed and cant believe all the hard work I've done and now this. I'm not stricken with fear he will abandon me, but I'm afraid that I'm not fit for relationships when I react like this. Just feeling hopeless.",4.311550179211468,5.586942180107528,5.4849462365591375,80.27797491039426,70.74731182795698,8.521863799283155,30.71326164874552,8.94667605116694,2.6115476702508964,1489,63,281,28,27,495,196,372,0.205,0.6679999999999999,0.127,-0.9836,0,2,0,0,0,1,31.0,2,0,0,12,12,21,4,5,11,0,35,10,2,8,3,62,70,30,0,4,11,0,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,4,18,25,2,5,9,0,0,6,9,16,1,2,34,3,51,5,34,27,5,41,1,5,0,5,31,15,1,1,21,193,69,3,0.09680969494838748,0.0,0.0,0.10553685714141364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005312953802805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583391231079765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050399642854376,0.0,0.0909558951842938,0.07444067970946704,0.0,0.11802858297087004,0.0,0.08237792003012531,0.10907137459565726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072450062394906,0.0,0.09945022416978666,0.0,0.0,0.10150312327186024,0.0,0.3257409143401907,0.0772946639397142,0.0,0.10634090406773876,0.12486848875094113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190459521897524,0.0,0.0,0.0990699295403714,0.1134602414785244,0.0,0.0,0.19812097299807907,0.0,0.1088978765882284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250581221151843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893782151423106,0.04894989057177186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949900300914265,0.10115813987545064,0.0,0.055019180619464175,0.0,0.15485511356832946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672247131178178,0.0,0.09935467661471437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488949786311643,0.10228475793405256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640815310277467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899447214223267,0.0,0.047296326905207284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170376540602436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462122311764985,0.0,0.09725835068305876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289338488009632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021847934907696,0.1015854897047844,0.0,0.06560075475162523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906098300984831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062018769537851536,0.0,0.09558789455291172,0.10393738235762733,0.0,0.08267495052673643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099362524111287,0.0,0.0,0.08008198006509004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640530807408686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120651279835212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781196571344533,0.08461594044492153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643160596310533,0.12406348703754573,0.0,0.07685608404115812,0.11290102329469745,0.0,0.0917642711505574,0.09250581221151843,0.10755913317829148,0.0,0.0,0.09456900496572082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130259899979713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704354213557046,0.08974355711198546,0.17471138381223714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095722184065626,0.0,0.09865734983602968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623422695162345
bpd,uglycookie212121,2019/08/19,"My job is about to trigger an episode - do I quit? Throwaway account, FYI.  I have a pretty major case of BPD, and previous episodes have caused suicide attempts and visits to the psych ward.  I've managed to keep my symptoms under control for the most part, but have had some pretty bad blow-ups at home.  I've been at my job for about six years, and last year became asst manager with a good reputation in my company.  I worked under the same manager for 3 years, and he is unreliable and lazy.  He was demoted into the position to ride out his career.  He rarely shows up for work, and leaves less than an hour after he gets there when he does, leaving everything to me with zero mentorship or teaching me how to do my job.  

Staff has been extremely frustrated by lack of leadership and they take a lot of it out on me, and I have been overworked and undertrained, and have no one to reach out to for help.  I've tried talking to my boss but he is useless and says he will help, but then leaves the next day at 10 AM and tells his boss he is going on calls, but instead goes home to watch wheel of fortune (he has told me this).  I come home every day exhausted and unable to function and am slipping into really heavy depression.  It is affecting my mood at work, and under a great deal of stress, I almost talked about my condition at work, which would be a career-ending death sentence if it got around.  I have toyed with the idea of suicide as a way out, but I want to hold off until my dad passes, as he is the only one who would be seriously affected.  I purposely limit my social connections because I don't see myself living a long life one way or another.

I never finished my degree, but I am relatively close.  I do not have the energy to focus on classes, and it feels like my job is all I think about.  I have about 7 grand in the bank, and part of me wants to give my 2 weeks, ride out a semester at school, and weigh my options, but my condition will prevent me from getting another job.  Having no job and sitting in my room all day might also trigger an episode in itself.  I don't really know what do do.",7.483936170212765,5.694158167848703,7.889705673758867,76.16775,64.2482269503546,11.296879432624113,34.62517730496454,10.125756701596842,3.1993651063829787,1647,57,334,30,20,546,222,423,0.129,0.79,0.08199999999999999,-0.9786,6,0,0,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,1,8,11,12,1,1,20,0,40,4,0,9,3,75,55,36,3,6,11,1,1,1,0,5,3,1,4,0,9,32,1,5,4,2,2,6,6,7,0,5,7,4,42,4,67,41,11,54,0,2,2,0,27,28,0,9,18,232,51,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303251316899472,0.0,0.0,0.06631118263895258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389793219773014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738164786856964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923482893263835,0.05054732989972193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443497678139804,0.0,0.08467070413872138,0.0,0.0,0.08518179517502429,0.0,0.07142833319547813,0.0,0.0,0.09300195508887538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042983494594634,0.08548699321258144,0.07141896991767566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256394773934448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344260616535153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986376965394292,0.0,0.07452324885664534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192689948497145,0.059238143715168626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664467097073593,0.07954452603021349,0.047125409855523284,0.0695494548109646,0.0663187874934423,0.09141971487747642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115920476055408,0.0,0.2495268960388284,0.0,0.08165960614182906,0.0,0.0,0.09360671200907744,0.0,0.0,0.4937124910445934,0.07370320441732522,0.0,0.0,0.045570724340845005,0.06759095749197963,0.0,0.26340127381699674,0.0,0.0,0.058568926488574924,0.04051057767443743,0.0,0.07321997699265728,0.07338168870366528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049571294073477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796513378961729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395310130238649,0.0,0.08818647853118466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856643917784933,0.06306448077757057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958879895519225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687191259786614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819574466122418,0.0,0.0,0.10624149252315633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594140026816556,0.0,0.083919579010892,0.06607659259510132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845266105725831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498470674984362,0.0,0.0,0.18140228544698786,0.0,0.0,0.08618574465209759,0.06234560377746149,0.13329608818684538,0.0724758316805393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053131858825623865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923371932121538,0.0,0.05629731220602751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781685945750472,0.13163624866010995,0.06651351121015428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24146731290966786,0.0,0.0,0.11780813521918225,0.0,0.0,0.16019349811454847
bpd,tumbleweedgrl,2019/02/12,"Angry when a friend does something similar to me Im so mad/envious because my friend is bleaching her hair after I just did a couple months ago. IDK why... its like im afraid she'll look better than me while also making me feel worthless for having done it, like a part of me is extinguishing. I shouldnt care but I just hate it so much when people I perceive are better than me start to pick up my mannerisms/aesthetics because I worry so much that theyre just going to end up doing it better somehow and I'll end up looking stupid. Even though I know it could be unrelated to me or a form of flattery. Idk. I wish I didnt feel that way ",1.498392134181607,3.544537451127823,3.393984962406016,88.9515211104685,80.50375939849624,5.8968189705031815,21.508964719491033,7.010146845296331,0.5897199537304796,503,15,105,6,13,169,84,133,0.161,0.6779999999999999,0.161,-0.2687,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,2,1,4,0,12,1,1,2,0,16,23,11,0,3,5,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,5,18,8,13,16,4,14,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,2,11,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605850410658335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274488728726345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871306185261392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072449434511822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649199655655188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225482667649972,0.16983236775920066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343190278309505,0.1570722677980997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718909256959482,0.0,0.0,0.101377863005437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552170341948989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717003446259516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872311862175177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515383506226903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33158834887692845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843533956146062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997368747484294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577837634083863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245492360868193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225132452681976,0.0,0.22566376423388365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621334448091424,0.0,0.1064097639954306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816312829501174,0.0,0.0,0.10864011784042303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508019045056037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183221488204934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849971122846838,0.0,0.17650447230806407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587526264225796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hayleyspeir,2019/02/12,I'm addicted to sex i have a problem. I have sex with random men multiple times a week. I can't stop... Im trying to but its still ruining my life and its my fault. I recently started an open relationship with someone I care about and he's just about done with my shit. I almost lost my best and only friend because of it. I don't know what to do... I want to stop but it's hard.,-1.4582931726907655,0.5364162530120495,1.6087048192771114,95.84831827309236,97.31325301204821,5.176305220883535,17.76004016064257,6.816661863887847,0.09568353413654627,291,9,70,5,12,102,53,83,0.21600000000000005,0.614,0.17,-0.3085,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,0,3,0,6,5,1,0,0,17,12,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,12,3,10,10,1,8,0,2,0,2,4,1,1,2,7,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354929493132349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163121495217307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168337517303738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266989536894465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22024609822208827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106276923193904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668959942200885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935108841982931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333379395209411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871857133081863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525808373177687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23581061068853365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429243045677305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670131946293388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132930221405508,0.2319239114966049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174073227893867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303247260728467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528995896994278,0.0,0.1725133115587357,0.3612036559102379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596260527506936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466629414286969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274137944352796,0.0,0.17327767199847596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,herro-muddafucka,2019/02/12,"Frustrated with my Dad. My mother left me at a young age and I hadn't seen her for years.

The last thing I remember of her before she left us is me opening my parents bedroom door to see my mum kicking the shit out of my dad. This replays in my head over and over. 

My dad did his 'best', which I've always been grateful for. I don't think I should be. Instead of taking me to therapy, from the age of 3 he pushed me to do piano, weekly. I didn't show any interest in piano, dispite excelling. $70 a week paid for something I don't even remember(did it for 10 years), why the fuck was a psychologist not even an option in his head?

He tells me all the time now that he knew something was wrong and would become worse, but he still just ignored it?

Fuck.",1.6371428571428552,3.357484929936305,3.138985441310286,92.53148089171977,78.68152866242038,6.014376706096451,22.67925386715196,6.868970318607317,0.4980540491355776,582,18,131,6,14,191,99,157,0.11800000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.043,-0.8909999999999999,1,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,7,9,4,0,9,0,13,5,3,0,1,17,21,4,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,1,3,1,1,1,5,6,0,0,9,2,24,3,20,9,2,22,0,0,2,2,17,10,3,1,11,85,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283543331044506,0.0,0.0,0.10856244352906004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631271108728638,0.13584409580721676,0.0,0.16753506131058107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088486558548705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29517402563643874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276787324566724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301300275937018,0.0,0.0,0.34690430769396996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726421675148918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084394725243474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721448455170406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387083651164885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458013484296645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749078793048546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003136870593613,0.0,0.13953467041185474,0.0,0.18256522802621195,0.0,0.10605945092165957,0.10229253307890372,0.0,0.0,0.0930888848587645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203039356112614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561113311690672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440526172093305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268944977380642,0.11340552387243401,0.17454412383542034,0.0,0.20560920280351014
bpd,clownfreya,2019/02/12,"Angry when a friend does something similar to me Im so mad/envious because my friend is bleaching her hair while I just did a couple months ago. IDK why... its like im afraid she'll look better than me while also making me feel worthless for having done it, like a part of me is extinguishing. I shouldnt care but I just hate it so much when people I perceive are better than me start to pick up my mannerisms/aesthetics because I worry so much that theyre just going to end up doing it better somehow and I'll end up looking stupid. Even though I know it could be unrelated to me or a form of flattery. Idk. I wish I didnt feel that way ",1.498392134181607,3.544537451127823,3.305263157894739,89.58761133603242,80.50375939849624,5.8968189705031815,21.508964719491033,7.010146845296331,0.5651334875650661,503,15,106,6,13,168,83,133,0.161,0.6779999999999999,0.161,-0.2687,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,2,1,4,0,12,1,1,2,0,16,23,12,0,3,5,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,5,18,8,12,16,4,14,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,2,11,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605850410658335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274488728726345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871306185261392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072449434511822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649199655655188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225482667649972,0.16983236775920066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343190278309505,0.1570722677980997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718909256959482,0.0,0.0,0.101377863005437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552170341948989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717003446259516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872311862175177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515383506226903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33158834887692845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843533956146062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997368747484294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577837634083863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245492360868193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225132452681976,0.0,0.22566376423388365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621334448091424,0.0,0.1064097639954306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816312829501174,0.0,0.0,0.10864011784042303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508019045056037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183221488204934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849971122846838,0.0,0.17650447230806407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587526264225796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ruecrafting_RS,2019/02/12,I’m scared to confront my parents about how much I am suffering because of the abuse I went through as a child. This disorder is ruining my life ,4.66,5.678097931034486,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,69.6896551724138,9.937931034482759,38.63793103448275,10.125756701596842,4.088365517241378,116,7,23,3,2,38,26,29,0.466,0.534,0.0,-0.9393,1,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,5,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.4408621374666784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268207232611067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264438283983582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628159844074817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735266875110744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131584736825845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725239022659445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449282880433946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gaywhre,2019/02/12,DAE expect people to know they’re upset without actually telling them?? Like you just expect them to know you’re angry/sad etc. and do something but you CANT tell them because then you feel attention seeking and even worse?,3.462926829268291,6.548382121951217,3.4372682926829263,85.02419512195122,81.4390243902439,5.231219512195122,25.27317073170732,6.742157984588678,1.2616497560975617,181,7,30,2,5,55,31,41,0.15,0.809,0.04,-0.6946,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2968981419821622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854642471134063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393123526484441,0.2009502152491745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383484868945507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344089627307452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863819322254715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109244005108772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342218050515128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.531845127456401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932802461270666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310050508935773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bkm0307,2019/02/12,"My BPD Husband's Therapist is Leaving So, my husband has BPD and bipolar type 1.  He has been seeing a therapist for about a year now and has been improving steadily.  He became very attached to this therapist and shared with her many things that he's never shared with anyone else before.  They were very close. Recently, she got offered a new job and signed a non-compete that doesn't allow her to take any patients with her to her new practice.  My husband is devastated and is feeling very abandoned. I'm worried that he will sink back into old BPD habits. For one, he doesn't want to go to his last session with her to say goodbye. I'm asking for advice on how to help him through his grieving process and realize that he can still be happy. Any tips on dealing with someone with BPD and abandonment issues would be very welcome!",5.3892272727272745,6.566452150000004,5.422727272727271,82.09136363636367,68.125,7.8181818181818175,33.29545454545455,8.00094639256281,2.4834374999999995,664,30,121,8,11,208,98,160,0.113,0.778,0.10800000000000001,-0.2129,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,16,1,0,2,1,25,25,9,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,15,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,3,13,4,21,17,0,15,0,3,1,0,27,4,0,0,10,74,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123312045841176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481627537058615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959241229160445,0.11663203712662785,0.0,0.0,0.1064154562702626,0.0,0.0,0.08752805631744492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686073866939447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5734583731348384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735348051661545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509015508885804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755574499615875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469207372360535,0.0,0.09104005467409312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117389225683248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629768623205174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880869169744153,0.11295846892663958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278644405482528,0.0,0.12052927622204765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540550662030488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779252545476345,0.21987497594115987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944518103029622,0.0,0.07713398881870923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239315184046088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052199101640188,0.0,0.0,0.09070757819766584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964475831372006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909045904358981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558581046359881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964953615406739,0.07562343212708532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756858807171525,0.067139739503982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559964296936567,0.0,0.08086139295345103,0.0,0.0,0.07330263101399842
bpd,SunAndGray,2019/02/12,"Therapy is helping me. There is hope, guys. I've turned to this subbreddit during many of my dark moments, and - I figured I'd share some positive words for a change.

I started individual therapy about 3 months ago, after a few failed attempts at working through DBT workbooks myself. I had also joined a DBT therapy group in the past, that I ended up flaking on and quitting a few weeks in. And, in all honestly - I was cynical that things could change.

But, as I reflect objectively, 3 months into individual therapy, I was wrong. Here's what I've learned and have managed to improve so far:

1) I don't feel like I NEED to be in a relationship as strongly anymore. In the past, I always tied my well-being and value to whether I was seeing someone or not. If I was, I felt safe, and when I wasn't - I spent my days waiting for someone to come into my life, and make it be better. Suffice to say, THAT NEVER HAPPENED. Now, I WANT a partner, but recognize that I don't need one. I'm okay being single.

2) I can manage rejection better. Therapy helped me see that I view rejection as a direct attack on my sense of self. This insight help me recognize this as a trigger, and now - when/if I am rejected, I use my coping statements to soothe myself. I remind myself that I'm good and worthwhile.

3) Reacting to real or perceived abandonment with rage. I've learned that this is ineffective. Pestering and being angry at people for not fulfilling MY needs doesn't work. It just pushes them away. I get angry because again - in that moment, I feel devalued. But, that's not true. I'm worthwhile whether people leave or stay. ALSO, I now recognize the REAL emotions that I've hidden beneath the anger; usually they are hurt or a longing for connection. If I want connection, I have to ask for it in a way that will make people WANT to give it to me.

4) MAYBE, just maybe, I'm not bad/damaged. I've always felt ""like something is wrong with me"", and - still struggle with that feeling at times. But, I'm slowly being to reconsider this belief. What if what everyone has told me my entire life? (that I'm great, valuable and worthy is true?!). What if I inadvertently spend my whole life believing that this is the truth, when it's not? THAT WOULD BE SUCH A FUCKING WASTE. If there's even a 1% chance that I am worthy of love and great as is...then, the whole pyramid I've built in my head falls down. P.S. - one of my best friends recently passed away, and he's someone who always told me that it was strange that I couldn't see who I truly am. His passing helped me recognize that 1) time is precious and not to be wasted, 2) if he was always right, I have to stop wasting it.

5) Change comes slow, and I'll likely never be perfect. But maybe that's okay. Maybe...the idea of working towards ""being a better person"" is flawed in itself. I AM a good person. I just have to learn better ways to MANAGE my behaviour.

6) I've made a list of what I want in a partner, and now - I don't seriously consider dating that person unless they meet that basic criteria.  

7) Casual sex is not bad. Casual sex that I feel pressured into is bad. I've learned that it's OKAY to say no, and that saying no, and expecting the person to respect it is NORMAL. If someone doesn't respect my boundaries, THEY'RE fucked up. There are no excuses, and I shouldn't be ashamed for having my boundaries violated. That said, I do have a responsibility to voice my boundaries in a clear way, and to not put myself in situations that are dangerous to my well-being.

8) Being sexually abused was a really fucked up thing that happened to me. I still haven't fully come to terms with the gravity of how wrong it was, but...I'm slowly coming to feel SOMETHING other than numbness towards it. 

9) Meditation helps be stay more mindful.

10) Boredom and emptiness might just be...emotions just like the others. They pass, and I can distract myself with positive, rather than impulsive things, when I sense them.

I'm sure there's a lot for me to continue working on, but - I'm hoping that sharing some of my learnings so far, can help encourage you that there IS hope. Things can get better.",3.7030146375464654,5.357576924411403,5.002501355328377,81.65581523001859,72.81660470879802,7.720329925650557,28.098842162329607,8.376592526197632,2.0491115396530355,3226,125,614,54,64,1072,325,807,0.162,0.6409999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.9825,0,1,2,0,1,0,150.0,0,1,5,16,31,66,9,4,29,3,65,11,1,7,9,132,118,56,0,24,34,0,7,4,3,4,4,5,0,8,61,35,0,4,19,2,2,10,22,27,0,2,17,16,81,39,86,83,12,82,1,6,4,6,42,33,3,18,38,419,142,13,0.0,0.06433796152590228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048134676795650325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684919059910604,0.1807315657629484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385213136996101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050764227905738285,0.061775376328862576,0.10203540119140413,0.0,0.13601753010815076,0.03310146580132072,0.0,0.0,0.06117878034632099,0.05698568747107026,0.2401246907032675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233019138976466,0.18710246679348086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043355035036834966,0.0,0.0,0.03501973764331308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216292857167782,0.04809468514291639,0.0,0.0,0.035865385277040626,0.0,0.0,0.051887058240777294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728141844588593,0.03879273924481148,0.1042752037270941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419529195526334,0.15060156342420575,0.05674020009947705,0.05209059337644385,0.0,0.09109042572546687,0.0,0.11973437851560678,0.0,0.053766657467879515,0.09603662263349877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055728626869559775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838142324331145,0.0,0.0,0.1617998278866187,0.0,0.0,0.05813048443038565,0.06129936798817141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749705787015005,0.0,0.0,0.11506348531333375,0.10611516011962592,0.0,0.0,0.048054792684131514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046164880235549134,0.04900889130132074,0.051381043639722006,0.07249285395881881,0.05505282451424751,0.16365835569623102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760491946107003,0.05482866337500135,0.0,0.08668529031527973,0.0,0.0,0.1207908030401694,0.08376076045358001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320357971852504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359170415483783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367314877288752,0.11293670244549557,0.1896546143850364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458763530289106,0.0,0.05775593748506954,0.0,0.12361315151875853,0.034786695344870014,0.0,0.053615816489881465,0.0582990936769769,0.0,0.046372869666020965,0.05165281095884245,0.12954731794131172,0.0,0.0,0.12981291441468884,0.0,0.056647922866195466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103674701499015,0.0,0.0,0.18403669026799768,0.0836073279945483,0.0,0.0,0.03843462041294849,0.11575556252028538,0.08672990763382725,0.04539817743778815,0.0,0.056767332758580966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051178173878976656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049038171478344,0.0,0.1443010358857532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332685299536123,0.0,0.0,0.1037741164815546,0.0,0.0,0.05906403818771785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046898743051959485,0.059805024820312996,0.0,0.1281128571795441,0.1293051321963324,0.04355709235317682,0.0,0.0976464771736695,0.0,0.0,0.12125054838954084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581274820306611,0.0,0.0,0.03857396589306866,0.1781092891181374,0.0,0.0
bpd,XxthiccxX,2019/02/12,"I was diagnosed a week ago, finding his subreddit makes me feel so relieved!! I’ve suffered from BPD my entire life but didn’t even know it existed until last week. I had a psychological evaluation because I thought I was depressed (and already knew I had extremely bad anxiety) but after the doctor talked with me for 2 sessions she explained what BPD was and everything just made sense!! I came right home and found this page and reading everyone’s symptoms and story’s and hearing everyone vent was like looking in a mirror. I still feel terrible, but knowing what is going on with me and knowing that all of my weird worries and “freak outs” aren’t just me being a bad person makes me feel so good. 
Just wanted to share, and thank everyone for sharing❤️",6.423958333333331,7.135196256944448,6.793055555555558,74.85750000000002,65.59722222222223,9.733333333333334,36.138888888888886,9.725611199111238,3.617630555555556,607,29,106,12,9,197,98,144,0.19899999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.9544,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,5,0,10,4,0,3,1,35,29,15,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,5,13,0,0,11,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,12,5,16,5,12,16,2,13,0,2,1,0,7,4,0,0,8,68,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398657021378715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543503398972252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700038678092272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335716946662741,0.0852636287801063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352323460392994,0.0,0.0,0.15997434655964754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047007331542105,0.14196539714845602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316316564665826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923830054738866,0.0,0.0,0.4009561599677142,0.12570639514700546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216785935158367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783890843502432,0.0,0.0,0.15336055034670126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949150746444875,0.11731656070904517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576439790116142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403013022759347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060715557953165,0.11401295221569753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879452022645133,0.06833355715036286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174558139224084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323486475652357,0.1867290054843604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212933963724013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990813797465432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944846093534943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170059194672437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537878366140772,0.0,0.1124224385694606,0.0,0.12877376818540576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104138428562298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249911923900051,0.0,0.22439101491353874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204506600371844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cricketzzz,2019/02/12,thoughts i wish i didn't have sometimes i think the only way anyone will ever care about me is if i die,1.1121739130434776,2.589336086956525,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,79.43478260869566,4.6000000000000005,20.195652173913047,3.1291,-0.5256782608695652,82,2,19,0,2,27,20,23,0.157,0.605,0.23800000000000002,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476211627370752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36106676669816457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675387970232107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203376287956752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693375144298511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35025102669007696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269170001352155,0.0,0.2811456045481247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28109785084913885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40724062908231984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mr_mrs,2019/02/12,"Dealing with a new diagnosis. So last month I had a breakdown. I went to the hospital and got started in a process that I thought I saw the end of, but I didn't. I was reasonably certain I was bipolar, so that diagnosis wasn't too surprising. I got placed into an intensive outpatient program, and I started on DBT. On my second day in group, a participant said, ""If you're in this group, you are BPD."" I met with the psychiatrist later that day, and he gave me provisional diagnosis of Bipolar (duh) and BPD. I hadn't read up on BPD. The only reference I knew to borderline was in Ghostbusters II, ""He was borderline for a while... then he went over the border.

​

I am almost 40 years old. I have 30 years worth of memories of horrible behavior directed almost entirely at the people I love the most. I thought, ""Now I know where this comes from, I can manage better."" Except that I posted something that was hurtful and insensitive to a new friend.

​

I'm just stuck in a cycle of horrible behavior, and I don't understand what I'm supposed to do now. I know why I behave horribly, and I'm learning DBT, but it's clear that I need to be constantly vigilant regarding my words and actions.

​

I don't understand why anyone puts up with me, knowing that I'm literally a ticking time bomb ready to go off at a moment's notice.",4.921480067854116,5.9776344389312985,6.480559796437657,74.52523324851572,69.1145038167939,10.249703138252755,34.021204410517385,10.380263240014207,3.7664369804919424,1061,51,197,29,18,364,141,262,0.126,0.7909999999999999,0.083,-0.903,0,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,17,1,17,3,0,1,2,36,44,15,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,11,13,0,0,11,1,1,6,5,1,0,1,21,2,29,5,32,22,1,44,0,1,1,1,12,17,0,4,20,128,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690754454771006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195906421848507,0.3584104854046005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687479753994781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695648692341194,0.0,0.0,0.37149366058092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469439960242728,0.0,0.1062495249093678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681716942657714,0.10136411197139228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708277452575007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759621696917792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587780247943019,0.0,0.15727176143804067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525412223162206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210311643139064,0.0801443251891366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873808443215256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847848019789473,0.0,0.0,0.0729034004115984,0.0,0.1899170913627172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193853396777206,0.10317081905963528,0.0,0.0,0.07477716610127041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816305076481229,0.0,0.1027239896739825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416385486038112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883925267105476,0.0,0.0,0.09834710082091426,0.0,0.0,0.10108984298323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352530486443088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569191970811795,0.0,0.0,0.13918350326892812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611097930000922,0.05733147066493054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047102032144654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228816575036166,0.17743790593846867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584104854046005,0.12663034901378284
bpd,superlemondaze,2019/02/12,"Hypomanic episode? BPD? This should probably be posted in the bipolar sub, but I’m not diagnosed as bipolar. BPD is my primary diagnosis along with most of the common comorbids. I’d rather start in my own “pool” before invading space not meant for me. 

So on to my issue. I believe I am having a hypomanic episode. I have so much energy and I feel so happy and motivated. I’m keeping up with school work for once, and completely throwing myself into my art projects; I can’t stop cleaning and organizing; I’m being much more social. 

That all sounds great (it is!!), but it’s not all good. I’ve been walking A LOT. As in, 4-8 miles a day. I walk to and from school because I don’t drive, which accounts for a lot of that. But I also walked 4.7 miles the other day in the snow to go visit a family member, and yesterday I walked 3 miles in the crazy rain and wind to my friends place. I was soaked by the time I got there, and now I am sick. I’m smoking way too much cannabis, especially because I found one that doesn’t cause me a lot of anxiety (I also mix it with CBD to help). My family is commenting on my energy and constant cleaning. I’m eating everything, mostly sweets and carbs, but I’m losing a lot of weight from how much I’m walking (which isn’t bad because I’m obese). I’m snippy and easily annoyed. Any small inconvenience makes me want to punch a wall. 

I think this might be caused from a recent temporary medication change. I’ve been too short of breath lately, so I was put on a short term steroid and a PRN low dose of Ativan. I’ve experienced episodes like this before, most often around medication changes/adjustments. 

So... what do?? Is this the BPD? Is it something else? Has anyone been here? Any advice will be greatly appreciated!",2.935437079731024,4.838670406340062,4.529645533141213,83.18878146013452,75.48414985590779,7.854332372718541,25.68770413064361,8.648137234880735,1.8603299519692595,1369,49,275,28,30,459,188,347,0.092,0.78,0.128,0.9502,0,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,0,0,0,3,16,11,1,0,18,0,27,11,1,5,2,50,46,26,0,3,8,0,2,1,1,3,8,1,2,0,15,18,3,2,5,2,1,10,7,4,0,1,8,5,27,7,36,31,16,45,0,2,0,0,5,21,0,9,13,173,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573356052001517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566905454244477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324370660998147,0.0,0.07494553740338465,0.0,0.0,0.06850176447132203,0.0,0.0,0.08721262271515859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179949954210919,0.17916183311480516,0.0,0.16672773988907028,0.11037680828963524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37016320977936207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128101196566106,0.10363754878117667,0.0,0.1027179754514931,0.1058690076069735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636299208085588,0.0,0.0,0.099435836655059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024610369050793,0.0818400048433452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804765686150078,0.0,0.18471172672158576,0.0,0.049535753147592655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741726462863203,0.07569012217043931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567768421366541,0.08217122342424837,0.0783542576884409,0.2160209547866623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428915506467763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566613552088732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225352871560756,0.0,0.08707879154078281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105125922550578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786239860800137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960155035423877,0.0,0.33315683030151155,0.0,0.0,0.06539464989728458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738565855591075,0.0,0.10392896223006773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288072106967589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433312019499924,0.06638590517189479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235609856599624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938266206368391,0.0,0.10562647620909324,0.0,0.0,0.0984852741866414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673194961546483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829844807024247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986641910468527,0.0,0.07542084004799762,0.0,0.0,0.06934251884379107,0.0,0.0,0.08190594679043679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277417780444869,0.0,0.0,0.05712614629686087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577842848300355,0.07776273465248311,0.0,0.1192990858143138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132214254117034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loveyourcritic,2019/02/12,"My friends have stigma around bpd They think it’s an illness that causes people to have split personalities and showed me videos of people talking to their split self, like in the movie “split”. I have bpd and that’s not how I act at all. I felt like such a “monster” when they were talking about the illness. They don’t know I have it, I didn’t feel comfortable speaking up during that conversation. 

I sometimes hate myself so much :(",4.019535283993116,6.073386168674703,3.9619965576592087,87.77590361445783,72.855421686747,6.1886402753872645,25.110154905335627,6.868970318607317,0.8861889845094666,344,11,67,3,7,105,58,83,0.138,0.733,0.129,-0.2212,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,6,5,1,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,1,11,12,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,3,13,4,8,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,3,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966856891036774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565387496262695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696883380776095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171517883282822,0.0,0.21213947167937014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069964615164385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813500080910625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142423317287862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588271420562152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241817728473262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063474540914595,0.19291849001078668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049123855024306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851780595324927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35517046365061106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415710482610993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redditreadr999,2019/02/12,"Have you been in Involuntary/Assistant Outpatient Treatment? Take our survey. Hi all, MadInAmerica.com is conducting a survey of people who have been court ordered or compelled to be in Involuntary/Assistant Outpatient Treatment (IOT/AOT).

[You can take the survey here.](https://www.madinamerica.com/involuntary-outpatient-survey/)

If you aren't sure what Involuntary/Assisted Outpatient Treatment is, here's a quick overview:

Outpatient commitment—also called Assisted Outpatient Treatment (AOT) or a Community Treatment Order (CTO)—refers to a civil court procedure wherein a judge orders an individual diagnosed with severe a mental disorder who is experiencing a psychiatric crisis that requires intervention to adhere to an outpatient treatment plan designed to prevent further deterioration that is harmful to themselves or others.

​",15.122526564344744,17.32929688429752,13.483659976387253,29.17925619834713,47.099173553719005,16.170484061393154,56.12868949232586,14.554592549557764,9.855254073199527,717,47,62,28,7,229,76,121,0.102,0.878,0.021,-0.8768,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,10,0,11,1,0,1,2,10,13,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,10,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,1,48,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131595359622137,0.0,0.2888062679764609,0.32388681341133824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27217683783551994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27054212801405936,0.0,0.0,0.30548881562948765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686191992515153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847918590859977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011250606241317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25121974586481505,0.0,0.4008240975838415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32388681341133824,0.0
bpd,bathbombsandkitten,2019/02/12,"My lecturer died and everyone is sad Hello! This is my first time posting! Hello 😁 Ok so my lecturer died yesterday of cancer. It was super quick. He was young and super nice, helped me out with questions on my dodgy memory (thanks to a questionable shrink a few years back). Anywho, all my lecturers are really sad and my lectures have been cancelled for the day. I'm confused though about like what to do and how to be when I go back in on Thursday.

Are you supposed to be sad and quiet for a few days? Like a funeral? Do you do normal things? Do I just copy them like usual? It's thrown me already because my routine is blown for the week but do I just copy everyone else? 

Thanks guys. ",1.313074817518249,3.7910464160583968,2.9084990875912418,89.46085082116791,84.83941605839415,6.344708029197081,21.701186131386862,7.645422480735847,1.0953361313868617,537,18,108,10,16,176,88,137,0.155,0.728,0.11800000000000001,-0.5337,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,3,10,13,0,1,6,1,16,1,0,1,1,16,20,10,3,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,3,1,15,9,14,15,3,20,0,3,0,0,10,4,0,3,17,75,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032925834901945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652435949189001,0.0,0.10513850012037117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224628185667798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35800139540982323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407982787650184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296124414451765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467062273135361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802090277759123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077629602834865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560563224885766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527861343507033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898782084801622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518233811772395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864205233718913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049120889861022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175816238546223,0.0,0.0,0.11458400792510083,0.0,0.1694547496277303,0.0,0.10057092911290144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899556547437969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834817428039034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106754899623812
bpd,nastynate1990,2019/02/12,"So she got the restraining order, or sherriff came to my door when i was at work I've smoked more weed than drank, and that's good for me. I'm still taking my medication and helping others in their abusive relationships. I have had some good support, I don't want to jump and something's not letting me fall. Gratitude and a freshness of self. I have a tool belt of outlets. The other person is toxic for me and I know that. Even a normal person wouldn't have stayed in a relationship with ex. The only thing that sucks though is we have a child. Beautiful child. 

You guys are like my support group, counseling is online and I keep forgetting my appointments, I just need to keep my head above the water. Tips? Tricks? Hacks all welcome over here. I'll be at work for most of the day I might not be able to respond, but this is a time for listening!",1.8814858645627908,4.288955928994085,3.0136785009861966,90.17865055884288,81.42603550295857,6.122419460881,21.814924391847462,7.3871296695380915,0.8006210387902701,668,21,137,10,18,214,111,169,0.042,0.8440000000000001,0.114,0.8588,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,1,2,7,8,2,0,11,0,17,4,1,0,1,27,31,11,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,6,7,9,2,3,1,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,5,1,20,6,18,21,4,14,0,0,0,0,18,5,1,4,5,94,27,2,0.15709261025810958,0.18612905518213246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967209618639096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131173766908698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375818749978834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26352365655218185,0.12564131110646615,0.0,0.0,0.15554638222053022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122233934397714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529586528590518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792622599336964,0.0,0.0,0.0863339902711772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063783733889428,0.0,0.07674751431786869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582542778542361,0.0,0.16665043434450708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648217999315134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391740413363145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947600896542306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27433441586587043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373173462980079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388185312446318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093756622723285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674398206982579,0.12545436147692354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565336649784945,0.0,0.0,0.11811409249753045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436534992022184,0.0,0.1543426919758453,0.0,0.0916019643468109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092657291659419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873058246372402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayaccount2278,2019/02/12,FO Abandonment So I’m a freshman guy in college and my best friend is my fp. We’ve been friends for years and last semester when she started being my fp she stopped talking to me because she said I needed to figure things out alone. I don’t have other friends so I spent all my time alone. Now we go to the same college and hang out quite a bit but there was never a dialogue about what happened so now I’m living in even more constant fear of getting abandoned or replaced by her. Every time she has somone over I get really jealous and scared not in a romantic way just a fear of living alone without friends. ,3.2681451612903203,4.905765653225807,3.995999999999999,88.49900000000002,73.91935483870971,6.572903225806452,29.335483870967746,7.1686216300943375,1.5906993548387098,487,21,98,5,10,155,86,124,0.24,0.669,0.091,-0.9691,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,2,10,11,1,3,6,0,7,0,0,0,2,20,17,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,3,1,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,4,1,15,5,15,12,5,20,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,1,11,67,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560204777642226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946808143527163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402339455019634,0.0,0.16023205399858598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860348428087245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969385232041789,0.0,0.12365791516929188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303083928075889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535687024267844,0.0,0.15335988060538014,0.0,0.08341132983658753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532286025371932,0.1297859802661593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196350687796406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591967123590365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882621198604188,0.11319611316188564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610525978817796,0.0,0.0,0.09402299314052236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960946397249946,0.0,0.1469398313581238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388276367212204,0.0,0.0,0.122704168461775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796612498189975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750577895334103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116257252276712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649717837045605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147859413468694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451343234908964
bpd,fyrmaali,2019/02/12,"Dizziness when having ""bad"" times Does it have anything to do with bpd that I sometimes feel dizzy, as if my eyes don't focus properly, the world is moving in a weird way or my surrounding appears to grow and shrink rapidly when I'm angry or overwhelmed? During my childhood the last part happened nearly every night in my dark bedroom and I got panik attacks because of that.. The doctor said it was because I was really smart and my brain had to process the information from during the day differently than other brains. Already then I thought it was bullshit because why would panicking in bed although nothing happened be considered healthy? But somehow nobody can really tell me what this is. Maybe I don't express it properly?

And yes, I will be seeing a psychologist but only in a few months and I am curious whether any of you know what I'm talking about?

Thanks a lot for you guesses. :) ",8.069753825681971,7.849301670658683,7.686187624750499,73.00590153027281,62.233532934131745,10.05695276114438,39.51363938789089,9.444778638647367,3.851021823020625,717,35,121,11,9,227,115,167,0.066,0.8240000000000001,0.109,0.8521,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,4,6,1,1,9,1,17,4,3,0,0,21,30,16,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,7,4,15,2,16,19,3,20,0,1,2,0,7,7,0,7,9,86,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725817380589396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635147744723948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869675147980927,0.0,0.0,0.17791773225737376,0.0,0.0,0.13058024055443693,0.2860041369111524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696942421393396,0.3491689253533179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085947955343147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339566926177815,0.0,0.16007316841525354,0.13685911986006707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176645321573113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907616303603451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508044517013112,0.0,0.17228269816804098,0.0,0.2765926996809907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594859319226619,0.1274798194012247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295832886095482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711612641815526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483007947100773,0.16621924958500325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676268298636588,0.0,0.1500617133682635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189426650911206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935658634520273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003766003962235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487639822960068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462365386185488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467503906244465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257014390642795,0.13669292870551558,0.14398413858132253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415725879997205,0.09119305090065967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413617019581913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411188636911347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109592435880544,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moltrz,2019/02/12,"Reconnection advice? Heyo 👋🏻 I’m a recent subscriber, I just lurk around the board. I got diagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago now, and I tend to avoid getting therapy for it and don’t bring it up often in conversations with health care providers or support circles. My friends, family and significant other all are aware I have BPD and have been real nice and supportive. Most of what I talk about with them and doctors is my ADHD, my borderline takes a back seat and I often ignore it. 

Lately, I have been feeling extremely disconnected from my support circle, and I’m not sure why the sudden change. My relationships have had me drained, irritated and bored as of late, and I have half the mind to cut them all off without explanation and start anew. Maybe it’s life stress getting to me and I don’t want to have to hear about other people’s problems on top of my own or something, but I know that cutting supportive relationships off is not a good idea.  I don’t want to be angry/bored with them, I love my friends and family but I could not care less right now. I want a way to feel better around them. 

I’m just wondering if anyone had tips on dealing with this type of thing and would be willing to share those with me. This is the first time I’m asking directly for advice for Borderline, and I am nervous to do so. I don’t want to worry my friends and family by asking them, it could lead to them prodding and further the issue more.

 Thank you in advance. ",5.06415589145875,5.83445201730104,5.694354398105992,81.32849572026957,68.61937716262976,8.85237661628119,29.051356765616465,8.99025400887824,2.2000339100346027,1159,40,230,20,19,376,154,289,0.09300000000000001,0.733,0.174,0.9757,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,6,5,13,24,2,3,9,0,26,5,0,1,3,60,56,24,0,9,11,0,2,0,3,2,4,1,0,0,13,25,0,2,5,0,0,3,8,8,0,2,5,3,34,16,40,45,6,28,0,0,0,1,20,12,0,7,12,163,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403961509343084,0.1854512667984372,0.08411446251334359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634945430907094,0.0,0.0,0.16894484311965874,0.17741910944260925,0.0,0.0,0.07296472874976148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392269623180851,0.0,0.0,0.2390218428552237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934938247988199,0.0,0.100381280111982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515242528729348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782765931280787,0.0,0.0963115848437904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712417005578534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683621881943093,0.0,0.09595870166257006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071358017226346,0.0,0.0,0.21993586623734332,0.0,0.09915245623293263,0.0,0.0,0.07958942191029386,0.07589238438663605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008638759843456,0.10694818430869246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711951827624264,0.0,0.09904074564820538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214918817378589,0.0,0.2140806225064069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702377486354194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564213628537315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953299889782719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581208095968843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578493688006305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079713378966622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800585452897916,0.0,0.0,0.09369265333195252,0.20375318818374652,0.0,0.08103573695359614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305113407423723,0.0,0.0,0.0671637923666642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086964365297516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307212287269975,0.08943291769715521,0.0,0.0713456428491531,0.07626917155950197,0.0,0.08736217380685989,0.10851524643814342,0.0,0.06304085163580897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533125552063205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238748619514962,0.07531944687254508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562367229254453,0.0,0.0,0.0914707944311236,0.10290440542528027,0.0,0.09636563346315216,0.0,0.06740729603063872,0.0,0.0,0.0611061962713121
bpd,aphrodites-daughter,2019/02/12,"Letting go of BPD... I got diagnosed almost 5 years ago, I was young and the diagnoses made so much sense at the time. I’ve grown up with believing that I have personality disorder, and that it was who I was. I’ve felt stuck in this illness, angry at it’s causes and like I didn’t have a true personality, just the disordered one I have been handed. At the time it was comforting, I fit all the criteria and it all made so much sense. I’ve formed friendships based on this, but I’ve really been in an unhealthy relationship with my diagnoses for too long now. We are co dependant, and I’ve hid behind the vulnerability of it. 

But recently I had two quite sever breakdowns. And people stopped to actually think about my symptoms and reactions and it’s now been concluded that I’m not borderline. I have bipolar and autism. There’s something about knowing that this illness wasn’t caused by anything except genetics (it runs in my family) and a cruel hand being dealt that is so strange. It feels like there is something wrong with me, instead of someone or something making me this way. But I also know that this makes much more sense, and that bipolar is what I’ve always been. 

But now I have to let go of such a huge part of me. I must let go of the toxicity of my relationship to this disorder. All the excuses I made in the name of it, the pain I suffered and the shield it gave me. It sounds silly but it really is such a big part of my life, and has shaped me so much to now be told something completely different feels as though half of me has been ripped away. 

So I am saddened to have to say goodbye to the community, as my place is no longer here. I hope this all makes sense and doesn’t come across in any bad way. It doesn’t even really make sense in my own head, these feelings are so hard to understand. 
",5.028825008983112,5.5037671873278295,5.940974967061923,80.57928853754944,68.58677685950414,9.729021439693376,29.55671337884777,9.761364909221204,2.527378344711942,1431,50,297,31,23,473,176,363,0.159,0.777,0.064,-0.9904,1,0,4,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,0,2,23,11,1,0,17,0,36,13,3,11,6,57,61,30,0,2,9,0,7,2,0,1,10,2,0,2,30,19,0,1,9,0,0,6,6,5,0,3,20,9,30,6,42,35,13,38,0,1,0,0,11,18,0,4,14,214,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.08524412485009235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743334348105765,0.0,0.08747161422242959,0.0,0.0,0.06985632452943077,0.07268486225120123,0.0,0.0,0.05940317321148882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188424273375697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207120929910845,0.0,0.07293627539402311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841714596776796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001830068371324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794716031576417,0.0,0.07524704922648398,0.09158817092260943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659849854915681,0.0,0.0912655044964445,0.30034301418972714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057695966444891826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234882514003544,0.0,0.13250521165706902,0.062405145364683015,0.08387277327150329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893451421492562,0.0,0.06986433595619307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825131157847373,0.0,0.08964958722872876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676144020598409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601407128954753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267973703942267,0.06170015031104097,0.08535272478273853,0.0,0.0,0.07730483542288212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24796713713029436,0.23323576407695404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25685861948713323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919279077503721,0.0,0.0929499663852692,0.0,0.0,0.18919001173559485,0.0,0.06055971186293362,0.15254689421505702,0.0912655044964445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291088344351396,0.0,0.0,0.16788209510447813,0.0,0.08625074916164202,0.1875692970574445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946677277856536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868425479511632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740140850593944,0.268995052096011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303118875978229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907934244063828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597240503435709,0.08582407800127399,0.0,0.1018727097801426,0.0,0.0,0.08346972848777531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853313859868462,0.09093776454376656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138673812474516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550701406667947,0.0,0.05625259846303865
bpd,TheMATTsterpiece,2019/02/12,Hey guys Don’t know if I’m breaking rules here but if someone with bpd could message me and talk I’d really appreciate it. Thanks,1.3866666666666667,3.7778076666666682,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,83.44444444444446,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.3201703703703702,105,4,22,2,3,35,25,27,0.0,0.728,0.272,0.8495,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087703603453566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32252721263603623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999814589271672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220044908194047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587855338340181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34227189924116386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32468575619737844,0.0,0.3719098147460242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,I_The_Beta,2019/02/12,"Random question Hey everyone, been with a BPD girlfriend for 4 years now, she told me she had it at the start and I accepted that it could be hard and oh boy we had our moments at the beginning. She opened up to me about her sexual number which was a hard pill to swallow for me but am mostly okay with and things that had happened to her in her childhood which definitely sucked but we’re growing and she has really changed since then.

It’s all good these days and her symptoms have mostly disappeared besides the occasional depressive episodes and this impulse to cut people out as soon as they do something wrong. Apart from that, I think back on us and I have trouble defining whether she was a loving angel or a “feral” or something similar. Am I right in thinking I can’t pinpoint her character because as someone with bpd she was radically changing who she was as things like her friends and jobs and stuff changed around her? ",5.235198789974072,6.779947455056182,5.12977528089888,82.67213915298187,68.8314606741573,8.173552290406223,32.79343128781331,8.617729084823388,2.6427246326707,749,34,139,12,13,232,115,178,0.114,0.748,0.138,0.6956,1,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,3,0,1,0,5,11,2,0,7,1,17,4,0,0,1,30,25,19,0,1,5,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,14,16,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,9,2,26,6,23,14,3,23,1,1,0,1,26,11,1,6,11,108,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325160935729866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446340289514137,0.0,0.09074308092339453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37496546575685147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724193362519175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885181992838367,0.0,0.0,0.0960017573226746,0.0,0.1282120614394861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224117907889985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500811464927273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485588889877346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131635545560846,0.0,0.2666968977866655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771961452308974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272500121089794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343510833029078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320010590814016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675617772105708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536290415909808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712479531906018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313772502624434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261277701272997,0.2291979024595152,0.0,0.0,0.10536318516302627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040797118600906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472152568540187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977906455155848,0.1907657070942725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224117907889985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905908040728066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275397724744214,0.0,0.09586033256123973
bpd,furryauthor,2019/02/12,"Lovers A lot of people on here have significant others, which confuses me, because the last time I checked, the world still hated us borderlines. 

If I can ask, if you have a lover, how did you meet? Did you have to keep you having borderline personality a secret from them so you could date, and then tell them later to avoid judgement? Could they tell you have it? 

I'm just so tired of being heartbroken and lonely all the time, I don't know what to do. It all feels hopeless when it comes to love, the only people who have ever dated me were usually older people just using me, plus it was a LDR too. IDK! I just feel so unlovable because of this disorder.",3.8234883720930237,5.3794321627907005,4.80844186046512,83.56475581395351,72.33333333333333,7.640620155038763,23.752713178294567,8.238735603445708,1.3292443410852708,515,14,101,8,10,168,84,129,0.21899999999999997,0.6940000000000001,0.087,-0.9632,0,3,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,6,3,0,12,9,1,2,8,0,16,4,0,2,3,24,26,11,0,4,5,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,4,2,17,3,10,19,3,15,0,2,0,3,20,2,0,4,12,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750477955319834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282843197441224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612940632703523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989980788243997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459776222239765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937285175234645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893523109310578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848646125338112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643100552244644,0.0,0.0,0.10290436534466632,0.15262879149621855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918809070111828,0.16899495447251842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240744390341356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894340880047321,0.16349417458990004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953324185472214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32731889035294903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183668790432428,0.2152093492189441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523138926312244,0.16171863383227866,0.20622273180181624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,annijack1978,2019/02/12,"Having a BPD freak out and having a hard time managing it. Relationships are so difficult. I can't get into a ton of detail but I'm in a new relationship and am having some separation anxiety I guess. Feeling pretty paranoid and emotional and I'm not sure if it's my BPD brain just going bananas or what
Its a pretty intense new relationship and it's a bit twisted and kinky and something I've craved. The shitty thing is I have to pay for all of that with the literal pain I am in now.
I'm just looking for some coping strategies and ideas",2.6102727272727293,4.654674936363642,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,76.9090909090909,7.672727272727273,26.45454545454545,8.548686976883017,2.084472727272728,433,17,83,9,10,150,73,110,0.2,0.682,0.11800000000000001,-0.8183,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,0,9,2,1,0,2,24,17,12,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,5,1,10,17,5,9,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,5,4,59,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556021620257202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918918528717998,0.0,0.4134359808507709,0.18322513470322468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846259459192882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298986291194542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575198087911852,0.0,0.09327976434272177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808094494487601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702966485690702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185284585616827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782919701535198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170386225100897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746475826463517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339616644109665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286477055942711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635651582076066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469208004920862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090417345058513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095706449354644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yesfabby,2019/02/12,DAE like to shake and wiggle ur body when your heart feels really tight when you get emotional if that make sense?? Like when I feel really emotional my heart gets all tight and it spreads to my body too so to ease it I have to shake it out and I guess it looks like I’m wiggling my shoulders up and down but it feels a lot better !! I think it releases some tension! I feel a little silly doing it but it’s helped me a lot,1.465,3.128669222222221,2.9575,93.89625000000002,79.0,6.722222222222222,19.027777777777786,7.645422480735847,0.2921111111111103,330,7,77,5,8,108,54,90,0.076,0.763,0.162,0.7836,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,5,8,0,3,3,0,2,5,5,1,1,21,13,11,0,1,3,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,7,11,5,7,13,4,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,5,6,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516674502676128,0.0,0.3897594361070271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947037669030935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548408252482142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332542429971715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327232267857625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158060712638672,0.11759700942502535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25714052892997474,0.17584186763275014,0.0,0.0,0.1473295180163099,0.0,0.0,0.29831393763469194,0.0,0.0,0.11711082431325767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478897405728626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241799932889088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tofuchocolate,2019/02/12,"Any diet that works for BPD? I have been doing keto, and I felt it was good, like I have less mood swing. But in same time thinking about and controlling carb too much trigger my Eating disorder (already have from before) even worse.  So I kinda try stop restricting for a month to see how it goes.
Anyone tried any other diet and works well?",2.3383766233766248,4.847821106060606,3.1053246753246766,89.59227272727274,80.36363636363636,5.58961038961039,18.51948051948052,6.868970318607317,0.2332753246753252,267,6,51,3,7,84,54,66,0.14800000000000002,0.748,0.10400000000000001,-0.4908,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,3,0,13,9,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,5,3,6,6,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,34,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416244861842788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977965268185229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309982031805794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631627386575503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757686673861828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455788856338122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509436832088537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240476662324136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446190286633023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023305005918824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365073715486774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697132670128512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476938262276678,0.0,0.1609585831684894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448037474564254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830578501645168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029879984330038,0.0,0.0,0.12767558326434011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973148506936884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968686321388741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188065969402425,0.0,0.22313588160756265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShhBabyIAmHere,2019/02/12,Are u overtly sexual I wanna find a guy who I can get pics from on kik ,-2.2188235294117646,-0.6044867058823513,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,92.52941176470587,5.752941176470588,14.382352941176471,7.1686216300943375,-0.2455647058823529,54,1,14,1,2,21,16,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6324055516402585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615014751716378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6851130576067794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unassigned_user,2019/02/12,"DAE start to comment on posts and threads, only to delete it? DAE type out a comment or something and delete it because ""they might take it the wrong way"" or ""they wont get my sense of humor"", ""nope, can't say that, sounds to braggy"".

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bpd,AliCracker,2019/02/12,"How does BPD affect your work? I’ve always struggled with holding down employment?  And wondered if this was common?  I tend to flit between interests and careers - my childhood survival made me very adept at anything creative and using my hands, but this is getting insane??  I latch onto the ‘perfect’ career only to find it lacking so soon after?  

I’m 41, and my career history, albeit interesting and diverse, reads like a bad novel?  I can’t seem to hold down a job longer than 4-6 months tops before the dreaded knock ‘em down BPD symptoms start kicking in?  This can come in the form of grandiose idealization *fuck this, I can do this with my eyes closed???* or a complete anxiety ridden break down *fuck this, I can’t handle the drama/tension/everything* 

I’m stupid gung ho for the first 2-5 months, and then I start cracking - either myself, and the pressure, or my colleagues start looking pretty lame IMO - neither of which is at all accurate, just the BPD taking over?  

I’m wondering how you all deal with this?  I’ve been fortunate to have employers that have been willing to notch me down to part time bc of my ‘head space’ but I have such a hard time not being all or nothing?  Either I’m in or I’m out?  

I just feel SO guilty about missing so much work, and have such a hard time committing and picking myself back up again after an episode?  

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bpd,NikkiLaudaa,2019/02/12,Is it me? The closest thing I’ve ever had to a boyfriend (who also ended things with me in December) just now unfollowed me on all platforms of social media... he even unfriended me on Facebook. Keep in mind I was the one who was dumped and I have not made any moves since then. Does my bpd make people hate me? Does it make me unable to see me doing wrongs? More often than not I’m left hurt and have no idea why someone’s image of me has changed so suddenly and why. Please give me insight because I’m so upset. I texted him about it and he just responded that he doesn’t want to tell me? I feel I’m going mad.,0.9110733452593892,2.9137265116279103,2.641240310077521,93.8002862254025,82.33333333333333,5.519618366129994,20.000596302921885,6.67199483983844,0.15421598091830635,476,13,106,5,13,157,88,129,0.122,0.83,0.048,-0.8945,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,3,1,3,0,9,0,0,3,2,21,22,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,4,2,16,0,12,18,2,14,0,1,1,0,10,7,0,1,5,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811944492620282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745154595657588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528494396283214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175274282539236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827086716992816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30228663656874155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297347436438818,0.0,0.0,0.11407606846667027,0.15622983852380862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732946471292835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656831524485162,0.09815743276068792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705194679437383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848940718371827,0.1949732547292256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351627400208012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876544314643488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634263066424123,0.2305760751675077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439205821404086,0.0,0.0,0.18356781024678956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703557924861265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973824623245365,0.0,0.0,0.1895882737707308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763081773916616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287093128393413,0.0,0.0,0.17606032752189948,0.14634014048101562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095978150147968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294872161885348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018712816981087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116953163604461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888358120515091,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDallday,2019/02/12,"How are you supposed to get better if you're still in the environment that triggers your BPD? Grew up with a narcissistic mom, enabler dad.  I take care of them and they are very much a part of my everyday life.

I've tried medication and did a year of DBT but it all seems in vain because I am still in the same situation that caused my BPD in the first place. I am subjected to triggers everyday.  Dropping the cap of my toothpaste sends me into a fit of rage and an episode of self harm.  I have been fired from nearly every job I have because I am triggered easily.  What can I do? ",3.3269114877589416,4.664675118644071,4.623333333333335,85.26790018832395,73.23728813559322,7.956308851224105,27.517890772128066,8.515128840125781,1.8095506591337105,456,17,97,8,9,151,81,118,0.14800000000000002,0.77,0.083,-0.9044,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,2,3,3,5,1,0,9,0,11,2,0,5,1,15,15,6,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,2,1,15,2,17,13,4,18,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,2,6,69,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348798098615643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038653826985534,0.0,0.0,0.4852811718833558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642328276131427,0.19790841468845308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623190479604395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638711353950269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065360466862272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911790663207568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360770029269943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407833051684495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256336803275142,0.0,0.0,0.14162263357371324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086251787955188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128210806439376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538468926583836,0.2009798211312696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655082617032148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30770698096293353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485160333894448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307992134589646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589594755220208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406266382038575
bpd,punkisdead-,2019/02/12,voluntarily crying can anyone else make themselves cry at the drop of a hat? I swear to god it takes me 10 seconds from smiling to tears down my face. I think this is one of the factors that makes me think that my feelings aren't real. ,4.821249999999999,5.1344136250000005,5.399999999999999,84.845,69.0,7.2333333333333325,28.5,6.42735559955562,1.1677000000000004,186,6,39,1,3,60,40,48,0.213,0.6920000000000001,0.095,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,2,0,6,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,7,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934595544751276,0.2834891076975689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.607835154446364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311288037239413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989661154692046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693691668185277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874840412812942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149199147976282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802727653257772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35456793162387024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,otsawa,2019/10/10,"Should I be single? I have been in a relationship for almost two years with a wonderful man. He is kind, intelligent, funny, loyal, focused, driven, loving, caring, and adventurous. Our relationship at its best is filled with tenderness, hand-holding, cuddling, traveling, dancing, and laughter. I can confidently say that being with him has changed my life for the better. I love him very much, and I know he loves me. He frequently and joyfully mentions marriage, children, and a future together. However, my question is, should I be single? 

I live with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and borderline personality disorder. I try very hard to maintain a “normal” life despite all of this. However, this year has been extremely difficult and I have endured months of triggers, traumas, and failures that have caused a major mental break. I was in a car accident due to a disassociation episode that happened while I was behind the wheel. I tried to take on an independent study that was a complete disaster. I moved to a rural city to live with my partner but was left alone for about a month when he was called away to help fight on two huge wildfires (wild land firefighting is a mandatory part of his job, he had no choice in the situation) which completely wrecked my mental health. Fear of abandonment is a huge issue and I was essentially abandoned for almost a month- I was completely alone and barely slept the entire time due to crippling anxiety, worrying non-stop about my partner’s safety as well as my own. So much more has happened that has driven me in to a dark downward spiral and I have yet to see any light. My mood swings are so frequent and intense, and have had an effect on my partner and our relationship- and I hate myself for it. I’m at my lowest. I’ve been so unstable this year, so depressed and terrified of other people, my beloved partner, the world, and myself. This is hands down the worst I have felt during the duration of my relationship, and after it all I honestly feel like a completely different person now. And, my partner has been witness to it all. 

I am an incredibly insecure and anxious person, and while he constantly tells me that he loves me as I am & wants to support me, I cannot help but convince myself of the opposite. All I can think is that I am not good enough for him and that I am holding him back from having a fuller & happier life. I feel like I am not social enough for him, that I don’t enjoy things enough. I keep telling myself that this is not what he signed on for- he wanted to be with me to be happy and in love, not to ride this roller coaster of my constant break downs and failures with sweet periods of tender, fun love in between. I feel like my mental illnesses have reclaimed me after feeling as if this relationship had saved me.

Currently we are in a long distance relationship (3 hour distance) as my partner has begun his first year of his graduate degree (yet another source of insecurity for me to dwell on- his academic excellence versus my academic ability being ”passing” at the very best). And with the distance giving me space to think, I am having so much trouble at this point justifying myself burdening this man with my instability. 

Here’s the big question again- are these all symptoms of my multiple illnesses, or is there an actual issue here? Should I leave this relationship to work on myself and leave this man to blossom? I am worried that I’m co-dependent. I feel like I need time to recuperate, to get help and therapy and medication to try and get back on track. Although my partner is aware of & supportive of me being in therapy & taking medication, I can’t help but be embarrassed about it. I wonder if I’m using him as an excuse to stay stagnant- is this love’s comfort preventing me from healing how I need to?",7.008498942917549,7.542820846153853,7.563415189461704,70.45277931370957,64.31468531468532,10.958855098389986,35.648885997723205,10.773722962092908,4.0595776549032365,3055,136,524,77,43,1010,318,715,0.151,0.6609999999999999,0.188,0.9840000000000001,6,2,0,1,3,0,100.0,3,0,0,9,20,52,2,6,33,0,66,22,2,6,5,91,108,51,0,10,11,0,8,4,7,3,12,1,0,14,33,39,0,5,14,3,0,9,8,17,1,3,18,12,88,34,92,79,20,76,0,4,1,8,66,31,0,9,37,394,121,6,0.0,0.0,0.05232662709674892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738791786570366,0.11107093416931248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23239450584064045,0.0,0.03646430412028324,0.05622657964675106,0.08204025354336278,0.060576775350389626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037895071274262,0.0824628975726664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254443484968267,0.04742365812884793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054753314543028855,0.0,0.0546704610869286,0.055083817620279384,0.056724196484555324,0.0,0.22488353653784945,0.11589109275061465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092367847037977,0.0,0.0,0.05602281716165615,0.12290924785926675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621532539868486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060338839276980624,0.13556263282950315,0.1532281914399941,0.05148483063514457,0.0,0.0,0.04561022708174129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056029803594941335,0.05143841070192138,0.0,0.04497497941344535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483422854770697,0.057080841766989784,0.04803412795895305,0.052939905446865984,0.0,0.05699690533082676,0.0,0.0,0.14376483494541253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280615232888669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193335470235903,0.053210839158130484,0.04766105083618243,0.0,0.055838303949919774,0.029468849103935508,0.0,0.0,0.11355437076723228,0.058259669574419526,0.0,0.11362287182196465,0.1047865811104743,0.0,0.0946971321873984,0.04745313888860128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33876704425490684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803558180249452,0.1621128927708706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839996463936576,0.056990926811709725,0.1182534153127128,0.07951898840152677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253746227455122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806661287172155,0.0,0.0371742388734824,0.14046008089817075,0.0,0.0,0.05068943453467573,0.0,0.05135435686271802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013619423509712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402984257004752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264178817239205,0.0,0.0,0.04272921189321514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027255704647295,0.0,0.05466013473035752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715314205503937,0.0,0.04482978489585925,0.061422986596767426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216975694129594,0.0,0.055733033450744714,0.08063304749207313,0.0,0.09373471141259623,0.0,0.12264119671835995,0.0,0.03562359088023313,0.06871669270091223,0.0,0.0,0.06253399052867484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092159729093616,0.0,0.10476038371054053,0.0,0.0,0.046311563185254416,0.0,0.1327294967086783,0.06325443171835751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821196372401452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629996561028487,0.039036925079606016,0.10891001032910724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812136604956354
bpd,tempura_trauma_Man,2019/10/10,"Using the Logic of someone you know in your head to make decisions It's something I'm becoming a bit more mindful about, but there's occasions I see myself making decisions by repeating what I interpret would be the perspective of someone I know in my head. It feels kind of like I'm stepping out and becoming them and iterating through their logic. At the end of this mental exercise, I make decisions based off the analysis of that person I temporarily became in my head. I am 100% in control, but I feel like I step outside myself and become that other person temporarily. More, it's not an imaginary scenario, it's like my concentration gets stuck on my internal dialogue of *being* that other person and *what they would do, I will do*. I suppose you could call it being easily persuaded, but it's not exactly that, people who know me...would never say that.

Does anyone else ever feel they are making decisions in their life that is based on the internal dialogue of someone you know...but it's your internal dialogue? Like a re-enactment of that other person. It's also entirely unconscious...and it feels who I am is a fragmented mess of other people.",5.4067338709677415,7.054430304147465,6.937163018433182,69.48288738479265,68.53917050691244,10.954953917050693,31.995679723502306,10.9516,4.1831108294930885,924,40,151,30,16,317,107,217,0.027999999999999997,0.899,0.073,0.8415,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,5,5,1,4,6,0,0,9,0,14,5,3,6,3,37,31,8,0,3,5,0,4,4,0,3,2,1,0,4,25,5,0,1,14,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,6,27,5,23,23,3,16,0,0,1,0,18,10,0,0,8,113,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808175446526642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701492878534685,0.1128550797089568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649346812204098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024822601745792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246887592029046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353535326809326,0.08794065954108798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638735992099212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201079991802774,0.0,0.09755448999858067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963114378540132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227675465257541,0.07868657173718697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754545711936281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33911716584229445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469755449430714,0.2421280509533107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779764433322711,0.2152422933184028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940866906802387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109987889883692,0.0,0.11121358372464386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494949331366798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271933376772145,0.384692386013774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875905691373469,0.0,0.0,0.08777014635001074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799728089513062,0.08479388334090708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512866019213856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23472844611034124,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,e-v-e-r-y_d-a-y,2019/10/10,"when you break up on World Mental Health Day.. because he can't deal with your depression.

<facepalm>

happy WMH Day folks!",5.90727272727273,8.77057063636364,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727276,69.9090909090909,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.0855636363636372,102,3,17,1,2,28,21,22,0.14,0.72,0.14,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22847561922827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834321411197611,0.3864040642493938,0.3228161291399073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39898334708810734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39839664865819135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777119290326843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goldenstate99,2019/10/10,"Why do those with BPD threaten to kill or hurt themselves when they don’t get their way I see it a lot in teens when they are disciplined by their parents. Or in adults when a relationship is ending. 

Is it a learned manipulation tactic? Is it said in revenge to make someone feel guilty or gain sympathy?",3.868813559322035,5.908812830508477,4.412000000000003,84.44783050847458,73.23728813559322,7.431864406779661,28.749152542372883,8.238735603445708,1.9477905084745768,243,10,48,4,5,77,43,59,0.273,0.645,0.083,-0.9268,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,1,3,2,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,10,11,6,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,7,10,1,8,0,1,1,0,8,3,0,4,4,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558696461284164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25026092859215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286890601996202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476239539067962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024822591068048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126065742583509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402191793492911,0.0,0.0,0.1886084594806956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31374522498184804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30335961814337525,0.0,0.0,0.26877565362039996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22516071098872192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394089537369521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242799619058739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549630242573237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pogchampion42069,2019/10/10,"I'm done 5 years of depression not once has anyone asked me if I am ok. I used to sit in a corner at school and cry all through break and lunch then just dissociate in class, I would sleep 3-4 hours a night max (this was when I was around 10). I have depression and possibly BPD I am constantly criticising myself and pointing out flaws in everyone around me (including myself) and judging people. I have no real personality and I act differently around everyone I know, my views change just to not upset anyone and I cannot express my opinion because I feel like if I do they will try to argue and if I defend myself they will leave me but I cannot just let them attack me. Its a paradox. In school I just have propaganda and THEIR values forced on me, I have no freedom of speech and I just don't care. What's the point in trying when I'll be long dead by the time everyone else is doing their GCSEs so why try? I don't even want to feel better anymore, I don't know what it feels like to be happy or just not empty inside and I don't even care. I look a t this world and see all the cracks and imperfections and it just hurts me to think that I have only 2 options; kill myself or live in this mess. I cannot come up with a single reason not to end it, I used to think 'but what about my friends and family' and people online saying suicide is selfish I just don't care I've spent 4 years here for them and I regret every second of it I just want one thing for myself. I cannot live in this world anymore, I just don't even want to I just want it to all stop so I can stop trying not to breakdown. Thanks if you read this fucking novel of a post and I hope that if you feel like this you can find something to make you better.

Bye",1.3696746273441285,3.1831481416893723,3.1848284981567585,91.45444742747236,79.84468664850138,5.952524443019716,19.240984132072448,6.923569853693429,0.11645221990703634,1356,31,303,15,34,453,174,367,0.217,0.6659999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9884,1,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,4,6,2,23,24,4,1,9,1,33,3,1,4,3,77,60,32,3,12,25,0,4,3,1,3,0,2,0,1,18,24,1,2,10,2,1,2,17,11,0,2,4,9,56,13,36,50,4,37,0,4,3,1,17,19,1,10,17,212,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745100284476999,0.12303884170757275,0.0,0.0,0.2349692777398082,0.08225177565485765,0.10009281347154396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053633325104298704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562677108448378,0.0,0.0,0.11081089887613274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691121162419268,0.0,0.09307383581912247,0.07578914699413875,0.0,0.09507784339004514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664466244007523,0.0,0.0,0.1515584241465502,0.0,0.0,0.09192300305299912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003666070294325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349810241371878,0.0,0.07792639454522285,0.0,0.0,0.17433486602376072,0.0,0.07412906435009088,0.2522131932195815,0.0,0.0,0.08294208580256378,0.0,0.177946414590346,0.18856418094212446,0.0,0.0,0.08041442564867794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797507357970538,0.08133841827254079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365902426638427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738649040446579,0.08664505549120605,0.0,0.09418710303157793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733961821418284,0.0,0.0967057796587734,0.0,0.0,0.09316078072794574,0.0,0.08996808356571034,0.0,0.12895143938679146,0.0,0.15538034701208073,0.07786175797522739,0.07388315444252302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058729012597935275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256563112825333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369850805743728,0.059619229819096224,0.06691466803068159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199199706789693,0.07682293929138644,0.0,0.0,0.16634383208686365,0.0991870671276112,0.08426292967479329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800632527714428,0.10014336498518424,0.0,0.09046067987299188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699672280500551,0.0,0.1780860066253198,0.07011067408442599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804605587961035,0.0,0.0,0.06773323922190827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471146458756749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623859231874693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100247987105265,0.0,0.0,0.05845167414186597,0.11275128729622826,0.0,0.0,0.05130331259223008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23893741204800514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197728995967025,0.0,0.0,0.20757746984355374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939053584788244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250025499543094,0.0,0.0,0.11331571131474945
bpd,Emmabaton,2019/10/10,"Expression?. Does anyone use piercings / tattoos to express themselves or to show accomplishments ?.  

Has anyone gotten any they regretted ?.  

These accomplishments are like rewards?.",10.2225,15.037076250000005,7.400000000000002,52.69500000000002,78.16666666666666,9.066666666666668,43.5,8.841846274778883,6.581950000000001,146,9,12,4,4,42,21,24,0.11800000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.083,-0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33307281957209683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6849426939138522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42861701623808796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392858088602048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230198080298424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tsonsayen,2019/10/10,"I’ve developed an obsession for a girl in my NA group, yet relationships are forbidden, help! first FP experience. I attend a day group for addiction and theres a rule about dating eachother. This is the first time i've completely fallen for and im obsessing like hell. I didn't understand the FP stuff before but now I'm doing all of the behaviours. Am diagnosed BPD btw",3.272440476190475,5.7403694583333325,5.1380952380952385,76.54500000000003,76.6388888888889,10.225396825396826,26.952380952380967,10.290406445055957,3.4647714285714297,299,12,55,11,7,102,57,72,0.152,0.795,0.053,-0.6896,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,2,7,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,3,1,6,6,1,10,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,8,32,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27568437085046965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151883775072516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185025702313421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651474132971858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630913203821556,0.0,0.0,0.2566751803882749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473722026298519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302114389271195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950495663544193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731615670022114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354790998682905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27150620777642176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894953363297064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474605574698279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632644892557406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tic_Attack,2019/10/10,"My FP and my SO are different people and I feel guilty. As the title said my Favorite person and Significant other are different people. My favorite person is someone I've known for 3 years and my significant other I've known for 1 year. My favorite person is well my favorite person so it's pretty obvious what I feel towards them. My significant other is different though, I feel none of my symptoms of bpd none of the questioning over analyzing nothing, I trust them completely for some reason and I have no idea why but I cant open up to them about things because of the same reason. The reason I feel guilty is because I'm more reliant and dependent on my FP then my SO and constantly feel as if I'm almost cheating emotionally. (I had to keep rewriting because I put too much info if you have questions just ask) (idk if this is an advice thing as much of just wanting someone who relates lol.)",4.171371428571426,5.990001422857144,5.535285714285717,77.6412142857143,71.91428571428571,7.9714285714285715,30.214285714285715,8.634040054169528,2.5768857142857144,719,31,127,13,14,241,93,175,0.077,0.813,0.11,-0.0477,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,3,0,9,3,1,0,5,1,11,1,0,4,1,35,22,19,0,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,9,8,0,1,14,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,2,6,24,2,18,20,7,10,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,8,4,95,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315746258716472,0.0,0.0,0.11595599185802045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825645241248533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177002419645516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584481253396894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141306978498445,0.1251376027628442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36295598945037627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025831189677922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927573205821497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307229989954556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292749002949217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702512080900587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111122832493529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056092066268826,0.4044449523610527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780923430834685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116409999467549,0.25944280953467397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35718203800114284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015138616744227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962322685094627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120359520912199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386344744024516,0.0,0.11377194965936713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830126251716867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411722629788364,0.0,0.10449060458077074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914154511395794
bpd,butterflyboobies,2019/10/10,"Im ready It took a long time for me to realize what was wrong with me. 22.5 years to be exact. Years of never having real friends. Wondering why no one liked me.  Wondering why I behaved so weirdly. Why I compulsively lied. Why I rubbed every single person the wrong way. Still I tried but I can't try anymore. I feel so hollow. I can't afford expensive treatment to fix this and as I discovered I can't fix myself either. I don't have a single person that I can share this with and I'm so fucking exhausted. Tired of pretending. Tired of seeing people sail through life while I struggle and obsess over everything I do. Tired of it all. Today's the first day it crossed into my mind and I didn't have one reason to convince myself to not do it.

Goodbye",0.9761842105263164,3.478624776315794,2.9786842105263176,87.95578947368423,87.42105263157896,5.56842105263158,21.157894736842106,7.0608816371341465,0.8408894736842103,594,20,115,9,19,199,94,152,0.222,0.71,0.067,-0.9756,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,1,2,4,0,13,6,0,1,3,20,20,10,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,5,1,1,2,8,7,0,3,3,3,20,4,16,16,4,15,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,2,11,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724646685317872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274766052662698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810452113940182,0.0,0.11531442078355475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487607831832573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913821170739632,0.0,0.0,0.09912998151501214,0.11861812683972738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859401323292975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062731345672358,0.062684516198711,0.0,0.0,0.11354801432852075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295539010112954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989585793311678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388883420556595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889521980446266,0.2240661510415108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604191502922173,0.0,0.13192138016783858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224438842048128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246645802270912,0.0,0.0,0.13413475646086334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481707868934241,0.4424114559609764,0.12162041574451975,0.0,0.1425542461161314,0.1742246090531282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018444445273737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631098981799208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782878113189521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805680069660315,0.0,0.16525152201299392
bpd,mybusinesss,2019/10/10,"He hurt my fellings My boyfriend still does things that hurt me, i tell him everything that happens in my life and i think he doesn't trust me like i trust him, i think he hides me things and it hurts my fellings.
I just wanna cry.",-0.2408035714285717,2.056322479166667,-0.13238095238095227,108.225,95.04166666666666,3.576190476190476,17.273809523809522,5.288315135182226,-1.0399440476190476,181,5,45,1,7,52,28,48,0.395,0.605,0.0,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,14,3,2,4,0,4,0,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,26,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492412123804504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985634851014821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392490313805275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064870524682552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7287099098126231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026760567105014,0.11085286477804382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120424475271046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983223649271414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301487237079833,0.2907793025879031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heyitsCindy,2019/10/10,"Not sure of title. Need advice Hi everyone. I'm looking for advice and ways that I can help myself, I'm unsure on what to do but I thought this could be somewhere to start? 
Please feel free to point me in another direction.

Apologies for the following salad of words and if none of it makes any sense.

What has helped you to become.. functional? Normal? Stable? 

I honestly have no idea how to be any of those things anymore. Every time I get back up on my feet something in life comes and knocks me over again.

I've been diagnosed three different illnesses by three different psychiatrists. One said depression, another has said bipolar and the third has said BPD. Is it possible to be all three?  

Any advice will be appreciated
Thank you for reading",2.738789915966385,5.637820542857143,3.720336134453781,83.05760504201685,82.85714285714286,7.579831932773111,24.663865546218485,8.4952907291091,2.206726890756302,596,23,107,15,17,191,98,140,0.094,0.752,0.154,0.8905,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,14,6,1,2,2,19,29,7,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,8,5,1,0,3,1,1,2,3,1,0,5,5,5,10,5,20,18,2,14,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,1,4,72,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942922064267669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743915236535384,0.282067576886646,0.0,0.0,0.13338673440410925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034213260325792,0.0,0.0,0.14854343074231616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939661369548234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158588639374487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073864004343742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584367642458937,0.13651351807261566,0.0,0.28104537722961165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332109571060038,0.12851943053146647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800666801862194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027010638363188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030350987615296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183284874661215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500052684180256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294517325135987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977903762779006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997292051010968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178033211924647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113991263419743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763936589938775,0.12714490248898172,0.15162726287948886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453526356099582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838176652244416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354379826521376,0.0,0.0,0.09519898979902587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676358971912913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382848555746385,0.0,0.0,0.0893550703485589,0.0,0.0,0.10677707613941974,0.07842737052606312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675893962840884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,greysoul197,2019/10/10,"Haven't been Diagnosed with BPD I don't know but is it just me, but I tend to dissociate a lot in class and driving. It's really bad I have almost been in accidents. Usually, I would just come out of that trance in a nick of time. It's like my brain just starts sounding an alarm off right before I have to brake. During the times I disscoiate I don't really even realize it. It's like my mind goes blank. It's not even like I am looking from another body, It's like in those moments I am not there cognitively. It happens a lot in lab class as I tend to screw up. I am really slow and forget to read lab directions. I was abused by my father until my mom and I left him 1.5 years ago. I am 22 by the way.  My other siblings went through abuse but they left for college out of country and state. None of them face the same issues. So they didn't really have to deal with it much. My dad targeted me because I would defend my mom when he beat her. So in return, I would get beat over defending her and nonexistent grievances. My dad abused my family mentally and physically. I am literally fucked up, I have anger issues, anxiety, and depression. I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD. I have been suicidal pretty much my whole life. I can't keep friendships, because people look at me and treat me like I am really dumb. I also tend to ruin them, because the only thing I can offer is being sad. People don't like sad and miserable people. I take things very personally and will get suicidal over silly things. Like if I screw up in a lab, I blame myself for weeks and will want to hurt myself. I also have very low self-esteem. I feel empty and am not even part of society. I feel like an outcast. I have come up with so many suicide plans, but I always end up wavering due to religion being engrained into me. I am scared of suffering even more. i am honestly thought really at the end of my rope now because it's getting really difficult to control the impulse of just jumping in front of a truck or eating pills. I really feel like people would be better off without me. I have no job because I have difficulty in learning things and being fast. I am not good at anything in school. I look at myself objectively, I see myself as a useless human being that just needs to end it.",2.391998132586369,4.409190943355124,4.354060068471835,83.31112745098041,77.47494553376906,7.770121381886089,23.782601929660753,8.634040054169528,1.7415817615935263,1789,59,354,39,42,610,216,459,0.251,0.655,0.094,-0.9983,1,0,0,0,3,3,49.0,0,0,4,5,18,32,5,3,14,0,44,11,3,1,0,60,69,29,3,7,16,5,3,9,0,6,4,1,0,2,19,22,1,3,7,1,0,6,13,18,0,0,8,8,68,14,59,50,9,57,0,9,4,3,17,30,4,5,28,255,87,7,0.0,0.24524702476494306,0.0,0.0,0.08291981504730896,0.0,0.06116081388643714,0.0,0.06908955337971377,0.0,0.0,0.16552829070516248,0.05741022061890589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234834892172869,0.05278177088373958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677785038795706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057608799573984786,0.21029668463732,0.0,0.0587105361552268,0.0,0.0,0.06102137791426052,0.0,0.0766390306190739,0.08689807917005055,0.0770223831443978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886793379573955,0.0,0.0,0.0773849097817015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113187299065564,0.05942617591748325,0.14005902765661546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060015926633455,0.0,0.0,0.18332999925026053,0.0,0.0,0.1822848972857476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504331263170286,0.0,0.10465939122367164,0.09858154922986416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378571406152835,0.10814272731785253,0.0,0.0,0.057870592943661786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101295774879065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386167262468299,0.0,0.0,0.14402785040213326,0.06846790934139378,0.061326837903639464,0.0,0.0,0.037918411375686314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992876781464615,0.0,0.0487339334748203,0.30337175772171976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738178537272643,0.0,0.0,0.11731590762156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699511408029822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953176596421007,0.0,0.0696663174982323,0.16161462304779514,0.0,0.0,0.1014400354895095,0.051159678882485474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247458669808015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471597232375847,0.0,0.19133262750929592,0.06024466842454936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019376275385421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690146971007533,0.0,0.3536049669545581,0.0,0.06812525173127018,0.0,0.0,0.058922229042157125,0.0,0.0,0.06907705827611063,0.0698276616278689,0.05498089961407493,0.0,0.07197790237963557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883574217921457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22641136113904306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051876424737458786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335157493414725,0.0,0.0,0.05477513755139054,0.08046427498632433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598937472951821,0.11385789426062867,0.04069564364004336,0.054765833776448926,0.05534445011766928,0.0,0.0,0.06396000715476997,0.0,0.07703159881143393,0.0,0.06650970673870768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605118853200126,0.0,0.0,0.04443117848925144
bpd,PlainJam,2019/10/10,"How to best help my fiancé? Hello, all! I'm writing this in hopes of gaining insight and wisdom that might be able to help me and my fiancé. My fiancé has BPD, and we live in a third-world country (Mexico) where the understanding of mental health is slim and the ability to get professional help is hard to find. Here, it seems like the idea is ""you're either messed up or you're not,"" like needing to seek help is a very first-world problem and you just deal with it. I was raised in the United States where access to care and medication (provided you have insurance) is widely available and people are educated about mental health concerns. Myself, I was diagnosed with Bipolar a few years ago, but due to self-reflection, medication and lifestyle change I've been able to limit my symptoms and am able to cope well with them now -- but this is not about me!

​

My fiancé never kept his BPD hidden from me, as you can imagine, it'd be pretty hard to hide; but the first time he exploded, I had never seen anything like it. I've never had anyone treat me like that, or say the things he's said to me -- or just turn around and be fine the next minute, like it never happened. Then it kept happening, about twice a month. He always apologizes, and promises to never say the hurtful things again (""fuck you,"" ""I hate you,"" ""I'm leaving"") but eventually, when he breaks down again, he always does. He's never hit me or done anything physically abusive, but he's definitely packed his bags a few times and left for a few hours, saying that he's never coming back. But he always does come back.  I don't tell a lot of people about this, except for my two best friends when i'm exceptionally hurt, because most people's advice would be to just leave. That's not the solution here, so I mostly just swallow it, force myself to smile through the pain and do a lot of yoga. 

​

I know that I don't need to explain why this person is deserving of love \~ he is such a lovely human being. My soul mate in infinite ways, and we knew this from the moment we met. We became engaged only a few months after meeting each other, traveled the world as digital nomads and now we've settled in Mexico where i'm pregnant with our first child. Everything is in such alignment, and we have such a wonderful partnership. However, when he falls down the rabbit hole, I see the pain he's going through. The self-hatred. The inability to control his emotions and behaviors. The pleading for understanding even though he doesn't understand it himself. It breaks my heart for him to have to experience such things and I wish there was some way that I could just take it all away.

​

His triggers (in regards to our relationship) seems to be any time I don't trust him or take him seriously, or when things get overly complicated -- this is his perception, not mine. I always take him seriously. Since we live in Mexico and i'm currently learning Spanish, I rely on him a lot for translation and if I ever question something that happens or have an inquiry (which happens a lot. Imagine never ever understanding what the people/world around you is saying \~ mad respect for those who immigrate to the united states and have to deal with the ""you're in america, learn english"" people) then he loses control. Clearly, these are difficult triggers to avoid at the moment, since i'm a Spanish learner, but things are only ever 'okay' if I just let him take control of everything or if he completely removes himself from the situation and I somehow take care of the problem myself. (For example, we're in the process of trying to buy a car. Obviously they need proof of income, but right now my fiancé, a Mexican citizen, is working under the table. I am a freelancer writer and when I offered to use my income as proof, he lashed out rather vehemently because I didn't 'take him seriously' and 'that's just not how it works around here.' I mean, I did my research and expats can definitely purchase cars, but apparently there's some other situation surrounding it that I don't understand due to my language inabilities. It's not really anyone's fault, but he definitely could take the time to explain it to me, especially when i'm pretty sure I have the solution to our problem. But, no, I just have to swallow it and deal with him telling me to just go back to the United States because he's tired of me and that we're not going to buy the car because of this misunderstanding.) 

​

I see that he does a lot to try to control himself, but sometimes it just doesn't work; but I don't want him to have to 'control' himself, I want him to be able to smile in the face of adversity and know that we'll come out stronger from solving problems together.  I always take his concerns seriously, as the trigger is coming from somewhere and deserves to be recognized.  I try to confront this with unconditional love. Reminding him that I will always be here for him and that I love him to bits. I try to talk through the issue so we can come to a rational and equal understanding of the problem but that always seems to do more worse than good. I know when he threatens to leave, or tells me to leave, that he doesn't really mean it... but it doesn't mean that it doesn't stop hurting. It seems that time alone is what he needs most often, but it's really hard for me to survive when my fiancé is MIA for the better part of a day and the last thing he said to me is ""fuck you,"" you know?

​

So, I guess my question is, how can I best support him? Since we're getting married and starting a family, I'm in this for life. Also, how can I best support myself? What can I do for my child? Any and all help and advice is sooo appreciated. THANK YOU, ALL <3",5.614836612098198,6.317454159603244,6.249210429393313,78.07927266030812,67.36789900811543,8.989095619705608,30.858672322483137,9.039577352567326,2.529908154789875,4529,169,851,76,71,1480,396,1109,0.10099999999999999,0.735,0.163,0.9979,5,2,1,0,1,0,172.0,11,9,2,19,64,57,5,1,57,1,77,21,2,13,20,209,162,86,0,20,49,0,3,5,2,4,11,6,0,5,63,60,2,10,31,2,3,14,27,25,1,5,16,12,116,32,127,128,28,107,1,4,3,6,110,33,2,34,58,608,179,7,0.14520807783284334,0.043011956907828906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709478265415584,0.03217954991118673,0.0,0.0,0.03759794404246505,0.0,0.029030711845172818,0.21144331798364188,0.19666611458073954,0.22055463547881346,0.04937323616174725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076643213835074,0.0,0.05974693776317869,0.09694948137861968,0.0,0.0,0.034106942270395166,0.08374203652029559,0.0,0.08851749647425047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238691905909318,0.03210618615846749,0.03963240310775835,0.0,0.0914422453903612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740246564808316,0.0,0.03840272311078385,0.15635487681385682,0.038061976727111035,0.0,0.2035790082287614,0.05796841723034703,0.0,0.0,0.02341179935940677,0.11227736413527026,0.0,0.03684578559857759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530442558861732,0.037149569697699406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083488577224937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02397714147964869,0.09851176478936473,0.0,0.0,0.06525182864262513,0.03551034084152445,0.03422231314820612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033179388118270946,0.09263543761877673,0.0,0.0,0.028046850182360902,0.06712126405233516,0.05689892056894954,0.0,0.06189382271540377,0.03044841158389985,0.0,0.0,0.03999076715908143,0.0,0.12840702367054194,0.0,0.09755843697378178,0.03584072858468114,0.0,0.07717469825023501,0.0,0.04301806784538879,0.1216623921455513,0.0,0.0,0.036056096378660134,0.03575017668137897,0.0,0.1165861879387188,0.0409805612713248,0.0,0.03788987675361997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980256205762469,0.02959099102443606,0.0,0.15375438803370806,0.03944225035962147,0.03712127443308817,0.02564118992159458,0.08867666510725503,0.0,0.06411069653085567,0.0,0.0,0.040612674076781416,0.0,0.15431339385435056,0.13105595954601185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863062447500465,0.0,0.07314093087600232,0.07316779457555371,0.03851070588459636,0.0,0.0,0.05795185118015226,0.0,0.0,0.10766994978818,0.22398684283746986,0.0,0.03860760953123879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055218643259233265,0.07725581637242883,0.0,0.0,0.03931154946727106,0.0,0.10066899776720023,0.0316975231567445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386440920115217,0.0,0.1736806496334539,0.0,0.0,0.08133313980128297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976800969379196,0.0,0.0,0.03897478324659192,0.0,0.031001726266447607,0.0690630671671349,0.11547529171816046,0.0,0.0,0.05785601893978125,0.1321919804250217,0.07574184694234902,0.0,0.0,0.0900882168916505,0.08160998173204073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02794706813513546,0.035903625484404525,0.0,0.025694756217990368,0.0,0.0,0.030350113763893155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823902029655681,0.034214223722610376,0.03773169801207773,0.2183568063240794,0.029178188144452742,0.09518869524825978,0.033422022186988934,0.0,0.0,0.14470469199061362,0.0,0.03566654980227205,0.0,0.1058399973959501,0.04172383112441979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858675313993652,0.03948617278322845,0.035461798120937235,0.2267500950928521,0.0,0.03135328921433268,0.0,0.029952967908059663,0.04282374325868971,0.05762970665201715,0.0,0.0,0.03263987519020383,0.0,0.032756926143110515,0.0,0.041745530817652136,0.0,0.039367991561956334,0.07928490756162761,0.0,0.03699485919620407,0.02578791306729179,0.0,0.22055463547881346,0.023377310322627614
bpd,0rangutangy,2019/10/10,"Frantic behaviour, self hatred and an imminent meltdown. Right off the bat, I am sorry to vent so much. I’m not just writing this out to spew about my issues, but hopefully to gain some perspective from individuals who have gone through or are going through a similar situation. I am having a really hard time posting this, but I don’t have any people in my life I feel comfortable discussing my issues with. 

At this time I’m absolutely terrified of what’s to come in my life, the past 3 weeks have brought me an immense amount of distress and agony.  This time last year I struggled the hardest I have ever struggled in my life. I ended up in the hospital once due to a mental breakdown and was formed into a psych ward for 2 weeks, shortly after (Just before Xmas) I had an attempt at my life that once again landed me in psychiatric emergency services, which eventually led to my intake at a specialized mental health hospital that focused on concurrent disorders regarding substance abuse and multiple mental health diagnoses. It was at this time I was diagnosed with BPD. Having been diagnosed with BPD I finally had some direction in which my treatment should go. Medication was no longer “the answer” to my problems, rather I was in the beginning phases of starting DBT, CBT and support groups that were geared towards specific issues. I was doing so well, despite having some serious ups and downs, I was in a better place than I have been since my mid 20’s (I am now in my early 30’s). 

Well, I’m about a month away from starting a very intense year long DBT program and am now, for reasons unknown, I am crumbling to pieces. It started with intense persistent anxiety that caused frantic behaviours and erratic moods. With this comes a nonstop track of suicidal fantasies. All day every day for the last 3 weeks, whenever my brain is idle I fantasize in various ways as to how I could end my life. As it stands, I don’t have a plan, I just can’t stop the impulsive ideas of ending my life.   Having this constant barrage of fantasies and anxiety led to a serious downward spiral where I’ve completely stopped caring for myself. I have nothing but hate for myself. I don’t eat much, I don’t shower, I don’t brush my teeth or clean my house, I can barely even get out of bed to go to work, where I am completely ineffective at my job. I just sit and stagnate while my brain goes into overdrive. I am terrified the next step will take me to where I was a year ago, where this feeling is all too similar to that. I don’t want to jeopardize my chance at this DBT program and lose my place. Nor can I afford to end up in the hospital again and play catch up for another year. Mostly, I am terrified my fantasies may turn into something more serious. I’ve started drinking heavily again and resorting to very dangerous self harming methods to help minimize these thoughts and feelings. 

I have no hope that these emotions will leave and that this is the direction my life will go for as long as I am alive. As many of you know, it’s hard to foresee a long and fruitful life. I am wondering what others do to help out in times of major distress? What are some methods you use to ...

- reduce anxiety 
- minimize depression 
- steer away from substance abuse and self harm
- and mostly, what do you do to expel intrusive and dangerous thoughts?

I need to get my head on straight so I can focus on getting better, instead of focusing on how much I hate myself and how I don’t belong here. I hope others can share their experience and their tools for the problems that they experience. I really hope I wasn’t triggering to anyone in my writing. My only intention is to gain some perspective and develop more tools for coping. 

Thanks for reading.",7.404973924380705,7.234864855932205,7.6233333333333375,72.7410495436767,63.57627118644068,11.216340721425466,37.22164276401564,10.782627592906726,4.112526466753587,2970,135,527,70,39,968,312,708,0.165,0.708,0.128,-0.9887,4,0,4,0,2,1,71.0,0,3,3,10,29,36,4,6,28,0,64,21,4,10,3,90,104,40,1,11,11,0,5,0,0,5,14,0,3,3,33,35,3,2,10,6,0,12,13,20,2,0,18,7,79,15,102,80,19,112,0,2,0,0,17,50,0,15,46,382,112,8,0.0,0.14080010292444736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052670051135627186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404059547219864,0.062304455993033726,0.13636273267900434,0.0,0.0,0.04154611522038023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164944186103123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055993772806255,0.0,0.0,0.105099945238736,0.0,0.0,0.14966858622819307,0.1326592175943205,0.0,0.0,0.06058012702016149,0.0610381658001013,0.0,0.10236587372811798,0.12459628963567805,0.06420923639343659,0.0,0.04744005910897392,0.0,0.0,0.07663877666656423,0.0,0.051176227480888965,0.18092261237017426,0.0,0.0,0.06809763169390165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820655431195515,0.0,0.060798961989710736,0.0,0.0668367185892238,0.21050516546176976,0.0,0.0,0.039244715084726656,0.053746553356991605,0.05006182772733797,0.0,0.0,0.11624348215737168,0.0,0.0,0.0901298582751008,0.0,0.0,0.06508899466726467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312961381373286,0.0,0.13507339563571658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645286376601676,0.1173250099832533,0.0609795229206409,0.12631610182351904,0.0,0.0,0.07965262949015063,0.0,0.0,0.2360600375401703,0.0,0.06855984665371645,0.0,0.06707515374467772,0.0,0.1860493777859224,0.0589627255918581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265431800576532,0.0968664269520515,0.0,0.06291458008590133,0.0,0.0,0.3357468424700934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774792040655528,0.0,0.06647301240329102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060240044711137475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985690570530959,0.1796366710726949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742650182316225,0.0,0.1310361533044556,0.04405734213782789,0.0,0.0,0.06319121224028591,0.0,0.0,0.057012718030831085,0.0,0.0,0.12655545054574166,0.0,0.0451897054516092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056720751137908386,0.04119263068318686,0.0,0.12415733513876903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05690556472233585,0.0,0.0,0.11370909441194987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943360453240449,0.0,0.07612877636769985,0.06109111198965289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507422419596637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185956312125432,0.0,0.0,0.049150790937064384,0.06678778794090452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574251385836607,0.0,0.06651305499586041,0.16822412092824926,0.0,0.0,0.09935142339331764,0.0,0.12423219675582442,0.0,0.06499312883040204,0.06742630358795998,0.0,0.0,0.04467458442801045,0.0,0.0,0.05470367430567505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434175618230367,0.17323418414567118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462920536125533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051317664502663965,0.0,0.09805136216854698,0.03504599588060206,0.047162865929919986,0.14298346437230278,0.0,0.10684698201641972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443577161265246,0.0432566660822344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305175286844944
bpd,Fire_Hearted_Wolf,2019/10/10,"Shitty friends or am I asking for too much? Sometimes I don't know if it's just me wanting too much from people or what but....here is the thing that kicked this off today.

I have a whole total of two close friends (not counting my bf who is a fucking saint) and whenever they try to do something, creative or otherwise, I've always done my best to support them. I've made phone calls for them when they were stressed, and I've helped them sort out their finances, and I've encouraged them whenever they tried something new. When one of my friends started casting for esports I tuned it to support her even though I had no interest what so ever in it, when my other friend started up a YT channel, I shared it everywhere to give her my support. You get the gist. And like, I don't want to make myself sound like a saint bc I know I can be hell to deal with, but fuck if I don't try to be supportive.

Anyway, two years-ish ago, I finished my first novel ever (it's been trashed since and I'm still not published but w/e) and asked if my friends would want to read it and they said yes. That was two years ago. Neither has said a word about it. Like, not even that they'd gotten to x or y even if they didn't say it was good. I knew neither of them were big readers but it was such a big accomplishment for me to have finished something and it really upset me. I've done my best to sort of not let it affect how I am with them but it's been super fucking hard.

Now the the current incident: I've always wanted to draw but due to a really abusive art teacher and an over critical father, it's been nearly impossible for me to even so much as pick up a pencil without bursting into tears and hating myself that I couldn't get it right. Well this year I broke that and told myself I would do Inktober no matter how hard shit got. And I have been sticking at it. I'm even half decent now that I've managed to let go of years of baggage. Baggage my friends know about because I've talked about it at length.  


And guess what? Neither of them have said anything. No comment on my picture. But when some of their other, less close friends, post art and shit they're all over them, saying how amazing it looks. And like, I know these people are better then me but still...surely it wouldn't cost you too much to go, 'wow, you're doing great for your first time doing this!' or smth.   


But then maybe I'm just asking for too much and they just don't like what I write/draw and have no duty to somehow comment on stuff and support me in this shit? Idk anymore. I'm super up and down emotionally atm and having broken through the hard parts of  my blocks around drawing has kinda left me exhausted and so to just be ignored by the people I consider my closest friends kinda really suck.   


Any advice on how to handle shit like this? How do I know whether I'm being reasonable or if the BPD is making me overreact?",4.0303040540540565,4.746105746621623,4.672878378378382,87.9207702702703,70.92567567567569,7.271351351351353,27.3,7.1686216300943375,1.2231748648648648,2270,74,480,20,40,727,258,592,0.13699999999999998,0.696,0.168,0.9622,1,0,3,0,0,0,62.0,0,3,17,8,39,47,10,2,16,1,48,8,4,11,4,98,94,57,0,13,29,1,3,6,9,3,1,6,0,0,39,28,0,3,7,5,3,2,19,15,1,7,21,10,66,32,63,62,16,55,3,1,1,3,52,25,9,18,33,340,105,7,0.0,0.07193576683086933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059328692230712576,0.10763800419934423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010372683976566,0.0,0.0,0.041287375180672437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021164291963525,0.0,0.0,0.04996217439025873,0.05404803523022751,0.17027724730629415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037010487574822316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743049451342447,0.05369630417591203,0.0,0.0,0.0764667375747191,0.0,0.0619954416918636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259312423385929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426232032955535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829470297695385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005040205967504,0.1098379745454039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328602741945828,0.0,0.0,0.3752578250521601,0.16838641905815516,0.06344076976466825,0.0582420811965093,0.0690099516384484,0.05092374292021768,0.048558265399431734,0.06693703165486597,0.06688294856957898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631625594150226,0.059942176080038184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040695090866117625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683321654560584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596557629857717,0.1241676749470235,0.0,0.17796978411833644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098418873277186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744873923780925,0.08105368767685278,0.0,0.06099503847117185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231576534093257,0.0,0.0,0.05863763743697939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114115170277375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574698431642549,0.0,0.12627363536371394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581469096999378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060730096480899685,0.0,0.11668418826749405,0.06242376100938414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184913945758394,0.17325780039510602,0.09656388893866193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24928682473570196,0.050222972326926615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022104002035746,0.06004736861342098,0.0,0.0859468912811521,0.0,0.09697202498866918,0.0,0.06954729984624901,0.0,0.06950262252561988,0.0,0.3444857462763061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879934534028473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403354622400934,0.0,0.059650869076613176,0.0,0.035402627182810474,0.0,0.05754945677977915,0.05801451016824001,0.0,0.12366178261229205,0.0,0.177925290390597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324197415539588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545888776021676,0.0,0.0,0.06778464043777246,0.0,0.058525807934234536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625849344351852,0.0,0.0,0.11729283195171175
bpd,_-Levi-_,2019/10/10,"Tips for finding a good therapist? Hi! 

I'm trying to look for a therapist and I wanna change my approach as to how I do it. I've only had terrible experiences with therapists so far and I'm honestly really tired of wasting my time. I was thinking of creating a sort of test to give them to see if they're a  suitable therapist for me. I have no clue how else to do this. All of the therapists I went to either had a superiority complex and looked down on me or they were incredibly toxic and invalidating. 
 Does anyone have any tips for finding a good therapist? Things I should avoid ? Things I should do?  Thank you!",2.025094577553596,4.46946604918033,4.512622950819676,79.42436948297608,81.13114754098359,8.344010088272384,25.778058007566198,9.057496981413335,2.494517528373266,486,20,95,14,13,170,76,122,0.109,0.7509999999999999,0.139,0.5841,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,3,7,0,1,7,0,11,1,0,2,1,20,20,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,3,14,5,19,13,2,6,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,3,1,67,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096345609051951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324805337532575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594747389660654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418837243586693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945760001974782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646147366413193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763353118872164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142111883581661,0.0,0.19972023921811333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999573045132149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054889949386664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627154073057175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487373348705926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961252031071593,0.0,0.8294124042798684,0.15819355973471316,0.07628749631178776,0.0,0.0,0.06942362014687478,0.13683954432735593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083250035305836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036786802736544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachstacey,2019/10/10,Tips for telling the difference between BPD-filtered perception and legitimate valid concerns in relationships? What has helped you guys? I notice my ability to communicate really suffers because I hold back since I tend to assume 'this is likely just BPD talking'.,9.615271317829457,11.944444325581395,8.934883720930234,56.533178294573666,59.2325581395349,12.24496124031008,44.56589147286822,11.855464076750405,6.539440310077517,218,13,27,7,3,69,39,43,0.087,0.8590000000000001,0.053,-0.3513,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839782948463608,0.0,0.15728372423492173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6499224438225459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695710593165326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554756993835012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294220824736745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260532364456039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937521145333267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529119980688184,0.0,0.0,0.2770118588727164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343291178633853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738291436526435,0.2255167334526458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soph_xx,2019/10/10,"only ever fall for someone when they get over me i start seeing someone and it gets really intense really quick but i still wont have feelings for them. i keep pushing them away then pulling them back a day or two later. eventually when they dont come back, i suddenly have intense feelings for them that i cannot get out of my head and obsess about them constantly. how do i stop this and what do i do? why does this happen to me?",2.321249999999999,4.293865897727276,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727276,77.52272727272728,6.672727272727273,23.5,7.645422480735847,1.0837454545454546,341,11,70,5,8,112,59,88,0.069,0.892,0.039,-0.5383,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,7,0,10,1,0,1,1,0,8,1,1,1,1,13,18,9,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,3,17,0,9,17,0,21,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,14,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190686431857945,0.31412317787301297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594995114123652,0.0,0.2207300459574553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172934024693575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874731900031476,0.0,0.2393885423573109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476281387075105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655769456905865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201487058831708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806244391078465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962736286508205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155365855578867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534721048570474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617054687173465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276696821232112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34613382940151943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445746750363184,0.0,0.16312048977419005,0.17076861121017198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953012575960566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843108341698554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaybpdddd,2019/10/10,How do you stop acting like a child and throwing fits? It’s getting so bad I cannot take criticism from my bf when I do something wrong (which is almost all the time) and I just start to curl of into a little ball and cry. I literally get triggered by him criticizing me in a way and end up having panic attacks which he won’t help with because they’re childish and then I want to kill myself. This happens when my parents fight too and sometimes when I’m just alone in my room. I don’t get it but I need to change,2.926169724770641,3.9287488990825694,4.230172018348624,89.00195527522936,73.77064220183486,6.55091743119266,25.551605504587158,6.6274283507984215,0.8125495412844037,406,13,89,3,8,134,81,109,0.20600000000000002,0.733,0.061,-0.9093,1,1,1,0,1,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,8,7,3,1,4,0,7,0,0,2,1,18,16,13,1,2,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,14,1,11,15,1,18,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,9,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011445236908474,0.2173206164244018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871193663989165,0.0,0.0,0.17519929977839904,0.1279104309294282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197233575817607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23048842106469256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858471144138925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32888257075868765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855519912590635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406446375199458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321458251575795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251234749327223,0.21030480158431208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555862990269079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461903148123941,0.2329914024215882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153739862803942,0.2075272523765927,0.0,0.1485187661820429,0.0,0.0,0.1754272899675167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776605928643433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235357045303437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376318066843695,0.16655330089097994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941618416916235,0.0,0.0
bpd,Shecx69,2019/10/10,"Ive been feeling quite lost lately. Like really lost and this video got me some hope. Yess! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixed8rbVd8U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixed8rbVd8U)Try to find and surround yourself with things you find beautiful. Don't expect to come in contact with beautiful things everyday. I'm quite still lost hence I can't really write what I as thinking. First time on this sub and I'm going to be reading all night. So relatable, for a first! love you all peeps.",6.2757692307692325,10.177302346153851,3.4347435897435896,82.0144230769231,83.23076923076924,6.18974358974359,20.602564102564106,7.492282038375204,1.1782102564102566,405,11,62,7,12,109,56,78,0.08800000000000001,0.6859999999999999,0.226,0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,0,7,2,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,2,16,17,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,3,0,2,5,1,6,3,9,11,3,12,0,3,0,1,5,3,0,2,8,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795830903780424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684835377604859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31397589003461845,0.2922024347508019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976166689464078,0.0,0.1373742773489273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059906155155682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375574406385915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839145518690871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5624976484836272,0.0,0.15502249241352328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611876060212185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653814294866055,0.17180912556839112,0.0,0.22007109616235407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716986949904975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22822293717405406,0.11005856690454473,0.0,0.0,0.10015617908684593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661556058688048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bloodrug,2019/10/10,"anyone else struggle with lack of focus? I've only been diagnosed with BPD, I currently don't go to therapy due to my last therapist having a complete mental breakdown on the phone (yeah, fun story) which I just couldn't handle so I was unable to schedule another appointment. I have trouble staying focused, I'm very easily distracted and unable to concentrate for longer periods of time and I also struggle with staying still. I know BPD and ADHD have overlapping symptoms but I'm not sure if this is just the BPD or if there's something else, anyone else with the same struggles?",5.860833333333333,7.650229157407409,6.5009259259259276,72.4991666666667,67.6111111111111,9.474074074074073,33.87037037037037,9.827888789773867,3.7847925925925936,471,22,73,11,8,154,76,108,0.139,0.8059999999999999,0.055,-0.7843,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,4,4,1,8,2,0,0,1,19,12,9,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,12,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,7,49,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036286114140672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670786905068734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991816341276012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660161768270567,0.27343971837066466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041698873345726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990399030061038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543364991156706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33440329777173905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583414838493943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333235047223204,0.10876728108341673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447102992057716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148328062859123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272473175371144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28444777256059783,0.10656131119619104,0.0,0.0,0.418485496657361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257608467933692,0.13868998845105313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259447677044935,0.1549282436540819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780698346416932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009779554351963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HellcatJD,2019/10/10,"Husband Has a Secret Friend- My Brain Is Doing All The Things Tonight I learned my husband has been engaged in a secret friendship with another woman. He and I have been together for 13 years, married for two. I know this girl. She is an ex-employee. However, they havent worked together for years. Also, she was never a friend of mine. She is 30. He is 44 and I'm 40. Evidently they've been meeting at the gym to work out together for quite a few months. When I confronted him, he gaslighted me and said he knew I would react this way to him having a friend of the opposite sex so he thought it made more sense not to tell me. P.s. this happened before and he promised he wouldn't lie to me again. Yet, here we are!

I swear to God, it was like lighting striking a tree. Something broke inside of me. I held it together in front of him but I have been spiraling for hours. I dont know how but I started splitting immediately. Walls just flew up everywhere. And I immediately wanted to run away, like forever and ever. I get that my world has been rocked. But when you add BPD to things....I am just losing control. 

Any advice on how to cope would be appreciated.",0.8725974025974068,3.3924719956709986,2.6355108225108244,89.88183766233769,88.78354978354977,5.850562770562773,22.85151515151515,7.3011,1.0707083982683991,905,35,187,16,30,298,140,231,0.051,0.863,0.085,0.8183,2,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,1,5,12,10,1,0,10,0,26,2,1,5,3,36,39,15,0,4,6,2,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,2,8,10,0,2,7,2,0,3,5,3,0,1,13,2,29,7,25,22,3,25,0,2,0,1,28,9,0,0,14,125,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135046543188486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204404127288655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228525274005242,0.1731396185573249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551328991470415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050244389418354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079591380467301,0.18432522976335705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519280621306344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935159470732833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935782037870465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827070582497543,0.0,0.08626684108492208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460124576320101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260702908027122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148801955352734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133569565654746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847237381086992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623774039126792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179485005195626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273484442869952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562230207154694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706412126724426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711516816993265,0.0,0.0,0.11687069434052595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431957520374986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969642783530334,0.0,0.0,0.1310844900183267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129536057071947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973903112067533,0.1310622247964033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041435066464695,0.0,0.0,0.23458882273086865,0.0,0.0,0.2126599268769492
bpd,shhhbequietlove,2019/10/10,"Tips for splitting? Vent: My relationship with my husband is strained. We have had a rough year with temporary unemployment of the primary bread winner, and my emotional stability staggering. 

I have started the process of getting weight loss surgery and I have had multiple medication adjustments this year so I have been stressed and I've also changed my lifestyle. I do hot yoga now (slacking this week) consistently and eat better. And with weight loss comes mood swings because hormones are changing. I've recently started splitting on my husband. After the episodes I'm hazy on the details of the fights. But I turn into this horrible woman, saying mean things and constantly screaming at my husband to leave. And he puts up with this. And I can't bear to yell and scream about how I hate him anymore. Because I don't hate him. But something upsets me and I decide that he is awful and evil. 

I need guidance. Of course we are going to start getting therapy together. But, does anyone have tips or tricks they do to stop a split? I can't bear to treat him so horribly anymore.",4.120303030303031,6.927505929292932,4.421505050505051,80.99559090909094,75.56565656565657,7.394343434343432,32.12222222222222,8.395991825355821,2.8961385858585866,866,44,147,17,20,271,118,198,0.245,0.718,0.038,-0.9913,2,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,2,0,1,3,6,15,5,3,7,1,17,5,0,1,0,29,30,19,0,1,4,3,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,19,4,1,3,1,0,3,3,12,0,0,3,8,24,2,21,27,0,19,0,2,0,0,15,5,0,1,11,95,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538953278677615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861959788219767,0.10089168527691326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591701877811916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761374368458134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052816824558922,0.12429399789233775,0.0,0.15592740827184956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627010548728254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764580769322694,0.0,0.16230805554444985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077227857951364,0.0,0.08200395181038292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849151580009691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278343064533145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571752977258395,0.0,0.14535809329069446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699001515613522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450523992240951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424700442703408,0.1549146315555439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474606643163328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108233074242356,0.0,0.0,0.30638992914226665,0.0,0.0,0.12063381242315133,0.16528495643682165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500943685812738,0.0,0.09586058889348058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694727202330935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574160913907858,0.3514153514933227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858374627756856
bpd,neonp0lka,2019/10/10,"I filmed a full blown meltdown a couple weeks ago while venting to my camera in a bathtub at 5am, and it shows a lot about how severe an episode for someone can be, I want to upload it somewhere to show others what it’s like to live with BPD, bad idea? I filmed a short introduction and have a semi edited video that I can upload, I just get fear as it’s showing myself in such an emotional and vulnerable state, but after showing my mum what it’s been like to live with these so frequently lately, it really changed her perspective, so it’s given me a little bit of inspiration to show other people in hopes to spread some sort of “it’s okay I do it too” and awareness to those who don’t have bpd. Thoughts?",8.81119540229885,5.642734131034484,8.890172413793104,74.3679022988506,62.86206896551725,11.597701149425287,35.89080459770115,9.2995712137729,3.0269770114942527,559,17,115,7,6,185,94,145,0.055,0.8190000000000001,0.127,0.8757,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,9,1,8,0,0,1,0,17,13,10,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,17,6,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,11,5,20,9,4,14,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,4,8,80,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749503167846475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776748372772534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628724243653854,0.0,0.4759582352978802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988673992435085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090723987055771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254618243220672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126241466845448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871990678831292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876725131896892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133044255524417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131467025826135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462533966165767,0.18938009115208945,0.33369712056261946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064069797980998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309959043600143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104783965859355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134625942778408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600988794279366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500072156724021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114491074844271,0.0,0.15156633531559166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skoomd1,2019/10/10,"What is your experiences using drugs with BPD? I'm a 21 year old Male,  and just got diagnosed with BPD a week ago.  

I started to get symptoms all the way back in 3rd grade,  but it really started to kick into gear around when I was 12 and my mom got cancer and died. I attempted suicide and ended up in the ER and was put on an antidepressant for a while. 

I always thought I was just really irritable and over emotional.  Neither I or my family thought much about it beyond that.  

Anyways

When I was 11 or so,  i got really fascinated reading about people's experience using drugs.  I would spend hours reading into all the different ones out there. Mostly psychedelics. 

When I was 13, someone offered me a dab (marijuana concentrate) and I got beyond high and immediately fell in love with it. 

It wasn't until i was 14 and figured out where to get my own.  I almost immediately became a daily smoker. It really helped level out my emotions and make me not hate myself so much.  

Then after a year of daily smoking,  I got my hands on some LSD. Holy fuck did I fall in love with it,  and eventually shrooms too. I would trip every week or 2, usually at a moderately high dosage.  This continued on until I was about 17, where i toned my use way down. I've tripped over 100 times and I just turned 21.

Tripping seemed to help me a lot. It made me much happier,  less emotional,  and my outlook on life and myself improved dramatically.  But this didn't last very long.  

I also used MDMA once in a while and it was fun.  It didn't help me much though,  it was just enjoyable as I could have 6 hours of pure happiness.  I actually abused MDMA a couple months ago because I gave no fucks and was in a really dark place in my life.  I took it like 3 times in a week.  It made my BPD a lot worse,  and it still isn't back to where it was before. 

Now the biggest ones I notice I have issues with are alcohol and xanax.  Especially xanax though.  I always took enough to get blacked out. It made me extremely irritable,  angry,  sad,  and I pushed my 70 year old dad into a wall.  Kicked holes into walls.  Broke keyboards. I could go on and on.  It led up to me overdosing on 40mg in school,  causing a massive scene and I dropped out at the end of senior year of high school.  I went home and later that night,  while still incredibly intoxicated,  took LSD and drove to my friend's house (yeah surprised no one died that night)  because he texted me if I wanted to trip and come chill.  Told me everything that happened. 

Alcohol isn't nearly as bad for me though.  But I drink an insane amount whenever I can.  I drink almost 2 handles of vodka a week.",2.816412393162395,4.69455867115385,4.43820512820513,83.82457264957267,75.75,7.622222222222224,24.055555555555557,8.447377352677275,1.5198773504273504,2039,65,415,39,45,684,253,520,0.127,0.76,0.113,-0.9059,1,0,8,0,1,1,61.0,0,1,0,1,31,14,3,0,23,1,26,19,1,10,3,80,65,48,3,6,12,2,1,1,1,2,12,0,1,1,23,40,4,0,4,5,1,16,9,6,1,3,32,2,59,8,65,29,15,110,0,2,1,4,14,47,2,11,45,275,82,7,0.0,0.07291231601473755,0.06005208649131215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909922175195907,0.1315305414095677,0.12324258010877664,0.0,0.0,0.049211814303727966,0.10240887902114502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054781753198618034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463765069745247,0.05138155299287224,0.07502583164949217,0.0,0.05236419691102179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232514388055626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321634631424967,0.0,0.05300942811380089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826596741530504,0.06809048531176955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062459645096635076,0.12773319189236054,0.06429397896138744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205673744258427,0.14272878994264998,0.0,0.0,0.20766547094559365,0.10900857902866064,0.06358507227157377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184831158098875,0.0,0.055306271704003915,0.1203916947455606,0.05801242934294715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754400754414595,0.11378154280168826,0.09645299529874628,0.0,0.034973391010444436,0.0,0.2460872906418753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441773730756665,0.06550820943322651,0.0,0.060755908743344265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374261606698594,0.19505442247739085,0.06172750348161801,0.0,0.12120481685412245,0.07100644248562918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422955071631603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050161579334471865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869320382963983,0.030064296043486358,0.0,0.0,0.05445908056626073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463459695289642,0.11108066483129714,0.17468586828873242,0.04107700765843848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207241237416198,0.04911894262264092,0.0,0.18094966733022486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154982490646643,0.0,0.0,0.07006127556701887,0.12914729054238333,0.06553582569843723,0.12509896479795324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042662612362755606,0.0,0.06429397896138744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186255860934072,0.0,0.0,0.1231090507905926,0.0,0.19711368404735852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455922438352332,0.0,0.05602176780759785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214083956376346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711364559870813,0.0,0.09828844873769772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731244437529481,0.0,0.0,0.06396141182612662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813819414851102,0.09770839363434997,0.07176645651040241,0.0,0.0,0.058802074200059014,0.20511252143537406,0.0,0.06693553409701407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125958543291285,0.06777527241381982,0.050775189475143916,0.03629663151693576,0.09769179747512667,0.197447877241765,0.0,0.0,0.05704622421140278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271234927568202,0.0874294778520398,0.0,0.0,0.15851348883945005
bpd,poppiesandmustard,2019/10/10,"Advice for communication techniques? I have a best friend turned roommate with BPD. Of note, she will never say this out loud or take appropriate steps towards psychiatric help. I’ve supported her through her hospitalizations and day to day difficulties. Moving in together was a financial decision primarily, but I think we were optimistic for change.

We’ve been living together for about a year.

When she’s medicated our communication is stable though not perfect.  We have plenty of happy memories.

When shes not medicated, well, I’m at a loss. She is deeply adverse to criticism to the point where I can’t ask for help around the apartment for general, very basic tidiness.  This manifests itself by not doing shared chores, and leaning into other fixations. For example, refusing to move a glove off the coffee table because it MUST be there even if not used for over a year. Or crying over donating a table that was collapsed on the floor for one month.  She is willing to live in an unsanitary environment I cannot have in my home (I’m at my wits end and spend several hours a day cleaning) such as sleeping in a bed her cat has consistently peed on when she can very well pay for new sheets.

She considers everything a personal affront, says I hate her.  I’m starting to feel gaslighted in a myriad of ways which are stories for another time.

She travels extensively for work and always experiences a quick mental health decline because she’s not taking her meds or talking to a therapist.

I’m a depressive with anxiety and adhd, so I know ifs a long journey to wellness. But I need to see some steps forward from her. We need to have a serious conversation when she returns from her work trip next week. 

We had a breaking point tonight where she said she was going to kill herself and then turned off her phone for a few hours (she’s fine, has texted since). This type of text is not new and feels manipulative.

My question is: does anyone have any techniques for broaching  the conversation that she NEEDS to seek help? I want her to be well first and foremost, but I also want to come home to a space where I feel clean and centered. 

Any tips on what to do or not so?",5.90784663865546,7.201297340686277,6.433543417366946,74.89058823529412,67.01470588235293,9.848179271708684,32.70868347338936,10.041961382958581,3.3576418767507006,1737,74,312,41,28,565,230,408,0.133,0.778,0.09,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,5,0,0,6,21,17,2,0,25,0,30,4,1,2,3,56,57,28,1,8,16,0,3,0,1,3,3,4,6,1,10,19,0,2,7,1,3,10,10,6,4,2,7,8,42,11,59,45,3,65,0,2,1,0,45,28,0,8,27,216,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982427269760348,0.08929813767041034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730787292406128,0.0760377446727665,0.0,0.0,0.12428676831763995,0.09582275113213924,0.06990753170024548,0.0,0.0,0.06389692351562784,0.0,0.0,0.08134999625536285,0.0854305086930861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141211749126058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590052818135053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509333852499096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966708022621858,0.07871812285601358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037962839091134,0.17680288608280814,0.0,0.07870780398646396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996963526267302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093796727929177,0.0,0.0,0.06035742559466275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212889754927187,0.08938983644078781,0.0,0.0,0.13861754896047265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773009608964529,0.0,0.0,0.07060206382330213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193490645364684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727860612213736,0.0,0.09022151830085837,0.0,0.09713555953662743,0.0,0.0,0.18375573554904145,0.0,0.183328640793088,0.0,0.1799871457466158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110144168708064,0.0,0.05022155378430782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138523430607962,0.08087083274011711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015056026498254,0.1841169556020555,0.09209228966613783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294081633225317,0.19425074158797692,0.0,0.20327738990395594,0.07047998826413944,0.17651600342555204,0.09718656086036824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061923296983979415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979186747895592,0.0,0.0,0.17277241834594714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236956182001404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692589442777512,0.14534241568822248,0.0,0.0,0.07282019754784402,0.0,0.0,0.10323646405767632,0.0,0.0755927314161402,0.0,0.09144871684932154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468116050934171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370002924335874,0.0,0.0,0.13741686745665924,0.07344996989781624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610238279936313,0.0,0.058554357962655124,0.08978305974197012,0.0,0.053285999694230084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987963192196694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892533071585119,0.0,0.15080063095799198,0.10779979338300903,0.07253535068481254,0.07330170693885407,0.0,0.32865616443627393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330554189981996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769495288660332
bpd,fvntac,2019/10/10,"DAE hate taking personality quizzes? I feel like this ties in with the ""no identity"" part of BPD. Whenever I take personality quizzes it takes so long to think of an answer because I literally don't have a set personality. I don't really know how else to explain it other than I genuinely don't know myself at all. Even asking ""what's your favorite color"" leaves me thinking for about 45 minutes. And oh gosh if I take the same quiz again on a different day,, you bet all the answers and the results change. I don't have a set personality at all and it kinda sucks seeing how difficult it is to pin myself down when it comes to these things. This used to really stress me out before because I was like ""oh god I really don't have a personality"" but now it's like ""meh whatever"". This also might just be a thing neurotypical people do too and I'm just being overdramatic and rambling, but I'm curious if anyone with BPD relates haha? 

tl;dr - does anyone else struggle with personality quizzes because of identity issues",5.123054945054947,6.5291305692307695,6.785732600732603,71.22057692307695,68.94871794871796,9.673992673992675,30.33882783882784,9.957137785484203,3.135344322344322,811,32,145,20,14,280,116,195,0.073,0.8340000000000001,0.09300000000000001,0.7059,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,0,12,9,2,2,10,1,14,0,0,4,3,35,32,14,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,6,14,10,0,0,8,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,1,3,15,4,20,28,5,14,0,0,2,0,10,6,1,5,8,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910711323743715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582291751364247,0.11416882449828472,0.0,0.0,0.10416801292456146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377226600293494,0.0,0.09481508637214392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806736038075929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787364412931398,0.0959833970850048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186037558213372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641616845172395,0.0,0.0,0.09750940415843222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616379333352032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359564148243118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563401952947134,0.07960256128658429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000983639464117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629950916958827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224733305168466,0.0,0.0,0.11798375577509812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331094493387738,0.0,0.0,0.09860826160308624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820508737139225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066320345850208,0.0,0.07724856895847,0.5837558790162357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414652087386055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879187769540735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763779325527,0.1164863624729789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33511311694756424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805260309568904,0.14279421275497775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623605191934717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boyskeepswinging_,2019/10/10,"Can’t Tell If My Anger Is Justified? Basically, in short, I have had feelings for one of my friends for the last few months. We’ll call him Y. 
A mutual friend (the person I met him through), we’ll call her X, knew about my feelings and told him early on in our friendship. She told him a second time a few months later, and Y and I ended up going on a date but he wasn’t interested. This was in July. 
Fast forward to this past weekend. 
I wasn’t feeling so well, and Y came over to comfort me. He was very distant and weird. Next morning, he says he needs space. Today, tells me he feels as though our friendship is unhealthy. 
X also tells me she’s uncomfortable discussing things to do with Y and I, out of nowhere. 
Turns out X told Y, a third time, about my feelings for him, amongst some lies about how much he means to me, in comparison to how much others mean to me. 
He is NOT my fp. I wanna clarify that. I do NOT depend on him emotionally. 
X also doesn’t understand the intensity of my emotions, and this has caused issues in our friendship because she is reluctant to understand. 
I’m fucking livid. 
Is my anger justified?",2.497300884955756,4.397796561946905,3.9063805309734536,87.18231415929205,76.7433628318584,6.820884955752213,25.90176991150443,7.734863291789972,1.387899823008849,877,33,182,13,20,289,124,226,0.12,0.7490000000000001,0.131,-0.3034,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,5,0,0,0,10,9,3,0,8,0,18,1,0,4,0,32,38,16,0,3,4,0,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,6,11,0,0,10,1,0,3,6,4,1,3,11,6,34,5,32,25,5,31,0,0,0,1,36,15,1,3,15,122,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958538484830398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464720653004132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25007973918408416,0.14005547568170873,0.0,0.1257946378106254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754899560683768,0.10845845668614912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958370414696856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892162884375159,0.11320733323563027,0.0,0.0,0.06959378881687364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278108201466384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981686814074038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26677798412579296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954842365023937,0.0,0.1800364873240694,0.0907985573366896,0.0,0.0,0.13023188938236302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297842717775808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689680140630902,0.0,0.10692266057301228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738083761225448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32109223493861483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135341568342984,0.0,0.12031105331040147,0.0,0.14280856028598246,0.0,0.11607267202970603,0.35103194305501545,0.0,0.0,0.13319547489407274,0.0,0.2549591791196738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103789513618017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010141956044507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anartis08,2019/10/10,"Does anyone else here find themselves buying new clothes... all the time? I was just cycling through some of my clothes and sooo many of them are new (for me that means only worn for 1 season, 2 max) but I already want to trade it at the thrift store 😬. Is this a me thing? Or does any one else find themselves buying lots of new wardrobes?",2.4532843137254936,4.329742073529413,2.1917647058823526,99.53460784313728,76.79411764705881,4.533333333333334,23.098039215686285,3.1291,-0.2913901960784311,263,8,59,0,6,77,54,68,0.033,0.9440000000000001,0.022000000000000002,-0.1754,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,0,8,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677706540320127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335863309849956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735582136735194,0.20127658901180565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438129515974421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282017966317298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590862635397581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700675677254007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991599160743041,0.0,0.213981380710774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5691706102814734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331132212794046,0.1494019134335246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050639295084754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454608223182028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586574398791345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WhatOughtBeDone,2019/10/10,"Do I take the meds or not? I'm new to taking meds so I'm not sure what to do in this situation.

I was taking my meds (Aripiprazole 20mg, Sertraline 100mg) everyday for about 3 months or so but I went on vacation, which was 2 weeks. I forgot to pack them so naturally I just forgot they existed until I got back home tonight, so I've been off the meds for 2 weeks now and I'm not really sure what I do. Should I just start taking them again or not. Is there a standard thing to do in this situation? Should go see the doc tomorrow or is that an overreaction?",0.28499030381383506,2.36172409243698,3.052268907563029,89.4833419521655,85.38655462184875,7.3590174531351,19.23787976729153,8.384062270229773,0.9766995475113114,433,12,101,11,13,152,69,119,0.067,0.9329999999999999,0.0,-0.722,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,0,11,2,0,0,5,0,11,0,0,0,2,19,25,11,0,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,1,12,2,12,16,0,18,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,4,12,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222803737005206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294785435503753,0.0,0.11673110415110795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640170199578986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6484788378184749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649745080537124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096129889580142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350055389746093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630480447085664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281122048198454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330553856359054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751159636007538,0.0,0.4389507976833981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696398759306847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23414769473269215,0.0,0.0,0.13529891613824727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tinybluesatan,2019/10/10,When an episode comes out of nowhere? What do you do to self soothe and get through whatever you’re doing? It usually happens when my FP says something that hurts my feelings and we’re in the middle of hanging out or some activity. How do I continue doing said thing without reacting? I’ve gotten better at handling my emotions but I usually need time and space and it’s hard when I’m trapped in a situation because I cant have that alone time to do my regular coping stuff.,3.58563829787234,5.575843255319152,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,73.8936170212766,8.104255319148937,33.026595744680854,8.841846274778883,2.9913021276595737,382,20,72,8,8,126,68,94,0.095,0.8420000000000001,0.063,-0.6098,0,2,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,0,15,16,10,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,4,8,1,11,14,1,17,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,2,8,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237943040475976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317207098951771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110570457899326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613427798862586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430615576198016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092568286954076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289317943737877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107933444921588,0.0,0.1935657481861204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313187192881177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602210047208323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055421040390497,0.17183594211674807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254191599492487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428836141203769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663493795407908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473605558463148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355432928231882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519966361019483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759644404820288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829395864350944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,icedroastpeach,2019/10/10,"I think I have BPD I think I have BPD. (I don’t feel like typing everything out bc y’all obviously can’t diagnose me) but I’m afraid to bring it up with my therapist bc I don’t want her to think I’m self diagnosing. But I can strongly relate to the symptoms. And I mean /strongly/. How do I casually bring it up to her or ask her if she thinks I might have it without her thinking I’m making it up? 

Thank you in advance xx",-0.43917888563050056,1.6268368709677468,2.55243401759531,91.82137829912024,88.89247311827957,5.962463343108505,21.357771260997072,7.348242739294969,0.717954838709677,331,12,78,6,11,117,56,93,0.0,0.866,0.134,0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,3,1,6,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,2,1,20,25,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,19,5,11,24,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,3,1,50,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574097426231746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44657774722529575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598885363568176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933562497922954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964247849325425,0.12665506128996612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866142889776944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834156391091658,0.0,0.0,0.1931193356120348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807526220054746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495074805852696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427081077555202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322358787520158,0.0,0.20584581042232508,0.0,0.5679971057470925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456945097192433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089995134336558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sharksanddangerr,2019/10/10,"How to approach BPD within the UK I know there have been various posts made with this subject but I am curious of people’s experiences especially if you’re living in the UK as I know different options are available depending on where you live.

I am 26F and have not been dianogised with BPD but I am finding that I am easily fitting in with the symptoms. I constantly feel empty but that can quickly change to sadness/upset and then anger towards others which causes me to lash out at friends and family for no reason. When I wake up I feel like I never know what the day will hold because my emotions are like a rollercoaster. I have erratic mood swings that are all over the place and have no emotional stability causing me to feel constantly on edge and overthink from anxiety.

I find it severely hard to hold relationships with friends and family but especially when trying to date. 
I have ruined so many potential relationships with guys from being paranoid and having the fear of being left (this causes me to: over text, constantly stalking their social media to see if they’ve blocked me, reguarly needing reassurance that they like me/trying to force guys into convincing themselves they hate me or they’re gonna leave me so I know their intentions, becoming severely intense, falling in love and obsessing over someone in a short period of time (a week normally)). I’ve never had a bf due to this.

In the last year, I have approached 3 different GP’s explaining how I feel but haven’t received any help and was even told “to go excercise” & it would solve everything. I have been thinking about going to private counselling but I don’t know if they would be prepared to speak about the subject of BPD. I feel so lost and have no direction in my life. 

So please tell me, how were you able to receive help?",7.709666615218397,7.725366498533728,7.708007408550702,71.76622163914186,62.90029325513197,11.401821268714304,37.00895199876525,10.992663274268294,4.2051841642228736,1460,65,254,36,19,471,188,341,0.147,0.71,0.14400000000000002,-0.038,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,5,1,15,15,2,2,12,0,31,4,1,10,3,63,53,31,0,7,11,0,6,3,3,4,2,1,0,2,12,17,0,3,15,0,0,7,8,6,0,0,9,8,35,8,46,37,2,47,0,2,1,1,25,22,0,6,20,178,47,0,0.08842652921329047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581010745838654,0.0,0.060133072139929473,0.0,0.06764605281411333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390399146305108,0.09766015419651393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33411035408020945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725152111316844,0.09354354296831167,0.0,0.0,0.28667299193863666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702779599833066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847738048010653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198935886959009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058404888574919225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947206268138686,0.08649811329123568,0.16672132396545014,0.09950442940343993,0.2235555504507998,0.06317193013843067,0.0,0.0,0.16164049143859882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663623423739688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050966868415673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511233264055226,0.0,0.0,0.07921280143469503,0.08730289059723623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118540877160861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24298453951051102,0.07207942344046865,0.0,0.09363092665399313,0.09607568272277267,0.0,0.06245827266649701,0.12960220673128905,0.0,0.1561644906889021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965280023294408,0.0,0.07980839501719549,0.08367132000564531,0.0,0.08965062152971015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556715096317163,0.13639998130379766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663922389916356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130382141812622,0.0,0.09238690240053267,0.09706577508783963,0.0,0.0,0.08468817163599059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091719944890617,0.0,0.1898739993406572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046449516166116,0.0,0.0,0.19979361680033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013971071754333,0.07492351124748765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919090217659336,0.0,0.0,0.07728868408945985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666014941311904,0.0,0.0,0.051562220291580634,0.0,0.0,0.08449533809895812,0.0,0.120071617732003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709304279288832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563133854410974,0.0,0.0,0.05694378563571706
bpd,goneoverwolf,2019/10/09,A kids book explaining bpd Has anyone read Millie The Cat Has Borderline Personality Disorder? I saw that someone made a book for kids explaining ptsd and wanted to see if there was one on bpd. I found this one and it was really sweet. I dont know if ill read it to my kids but if other bpd parents want to its an option.,0.75,3.1522878636363667,3.182045454545456,86.94306818181818,87.03030303030305,6.936363636363637,18.85606060606061,8.07648339933343,1.0131878787878796,253,7,53,6,8,87,47,66,0.028999999999999998,0.887,0.083,0.3426,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,14,14,6,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,4,1,5,9,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,4,0,33,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320776122125016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6657781841879463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194804498494054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651283879449786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932014568317428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683854662116544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673095826474665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388043232462889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565659173104166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385681836998594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597610182850085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525085951792961,0.0,0.11288246868598165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041385747413435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929929187217675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078624520879388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkmyfckname,2019/10/09,"What am i still doing alive? I’m so tired of being myself, of living my life, of people, of everything! 
I feel like shit every single day, that i don’t worth anything, that i don’t know do anything, that i don’t belong anywhere, that i’m the worst person in the world! 
Today i did a mini math test, and i studied a lot, i did all the exercises in the book, i did my best to make sure i got a good grade, and i get there and start reading and doing, and nothing, i didn’t know anything! 
At home, every exercise i do, i do it very easily, and today i get there and it's all shit! My colleagues said that it was easy, and all i can do is cry and cry!
Nothing works well for me, and i’m tired of it! I do everything i can to make things work well and nothing! Everything in my life is like this! 
I’m the worst person in the world and i’m worthless! 
What am i still doing alive?",0.7259663865546209,2.2573812169312184,3.0432368502956737,93.04582633053222,80.74603174603175,5.7169000933706835,19.583255524432,6.522977012572876,-0.002901898537193137,666,16,156,6,17,229,82,189,0.18100000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.136,-0.899,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,7,12,2,0,9,0,23,8,2,2,4,22,38,13,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,1,1,2,13,12,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,5,2,0,7,2,25,7,13,30,8,13,0,1,0,0,3,7,2,1,8,110,38,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29210583556415176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417124064511767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599414878972319,0.07630765659261854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993821365514128,0.0,0.3190195287211787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059826966392573885,0.08452898918691099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363632612804855,0.0,0.0,0.09924256137969104,0.09463260864277867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868623252008187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300529362826954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167148119213399,0.1156119340492164,0.0,0.10448015848095148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059281036122504,0.0,0.0,0.1579612006706357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34059835750012524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202931343737226,0.20662774994349872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835363981478687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255095628745844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429108858292405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374865184916487,0.0,0.1889835976339855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151672685760324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860762696513057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719865934517653,0.2243101221284186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762772839327186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127706930171739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227909756992682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MisterPlanke,2019/10/09,"Am I hurt or just splitting? Worst part of BPD is not knowing if you have the right to feel hurt. All my life I have had my feelings dismissed and invalidated. I don't know how to react to any situations at all. I am afraid of telling someone that what they are doing is hurting me. Simply because I do not know if it is just me or they are actually doing something shitty.   
Either way. It fucking hurt. And I do not know how to communicate that in a proper way.",1.8305200945626483,3.884949617021277,3.9237588652482285,85.5338888888889,79.42553191489361,5.879905437352246,25.33806146572104,6.937597516519254,1.0521621749408978,360,14,74,4,9,123,59,94,0.205,0.795,0.0,-0.9666,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,0,4,7,1,1,2,0,15,2,0,3,2,23,22,8,0,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,2,13,0,8,21,5,5,0,4,0,1,4,3,1,4,0,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.1611330026850963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228705421544018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065543296633138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796247448904734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669789573046814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265049653546378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7070561906838092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36298186260021015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166289231454177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880853796431448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101131660273358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856014544650509,0.0,0.0,0.13990538101697014,0.12711720757262607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432189062947454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26212865504929306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CtlnLsBtlr,2019/10/09,"Inner Shame So I don’t know how many people are keeping up with the whole ordeal surrounding Trisha but something has caught my eye. 

In her trilogy of videos exploring her gender, there are loads of comments calling her crazy, telling her she’s beyond help, etc, but the common thing throughout that is everyone is telling her she has BPD.

Now I have spent years being misdiagnosed and hating myself so when I finally got the BPD diagnosis and finally found something that explains whats going on I was happy, I told my friends, family and S.O, and I haven’t felt ashamed or anything about it. But seeing so many people talk about BPD like this, one person called it the “female” sociopathy. And now I can’t help feeling disgust in myself. I should also note that I’ve been in and out of a dissociative episode for the past few days so I’m hypersensitive to the things around me. I don’t know how to get past this newfound shame.


Tl:dr : Should I be ashamed of my BPD?",4.736566820276497,6.345127188172048,5.070998463901692,82.36935483870971,70.12903225806451,7.894930875576037,28.3394777265745,8.418075326091056,1.998038095238096,771,28,145,12,14,244,117,186,0.136,0.759,0.106,-0.7964,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,15,9,2,4,7,0,17,1,1,2,0,25,33,18,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,7,1,1,3,4,6,0,1,8,4,23,3,18,21,3,23,0,0,2,0,19,10,0,1,11,100,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409948331837878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683117664070114,0.10474994153740023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5927975924666252,0.0,0.2403054566237442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588646930268249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123151855406814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243732584464704,0.0,0.0,0.11092742067023832,0.0,0.05949674582277565,0.0,0.11298024455900042,0.25780025259274697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290174729259797,0.09091041669744586,0.0,0.06147695189685709,0.0,0.06687373896973256,0.0,0.09411027505590656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526034140366565,0.0,0.11617331533444755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774147463184549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458919866262703,0.0,0.0,0.12933509686490846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057486901550966314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385948472874492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973524323853066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246558584189856,0.16315308984832394,0.10274362431860123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376658619545716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117397091777165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457750961129087,0.20569496856484534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634748954466346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243732584464704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137271489601332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577467733015437
bpd,sryimtheworrst,2019/10/09,"I think I have bpd I’m not 100% sure since I haven’t been diagnosed, but I’ve looked at the symptoms and it sounds like me. I’m sorry if that offends anyone, but I can’t afford to get tested/diagnosed/any of that... do y’all have any coping skills you could please share? Any help would be greatly appreciate. I’m falling apart",0.2180718954248384,2.592078911764709,1.9331372549019608,94.66022875816995,90.76470588235294,4.786928104575163,17.84967320261438,6.42735559955562,-0.11582875816993488,258,7,56,3,9,84,51,68,0.129,0.6409999999999999,0.23,0.8524,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,1,9,15,4,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,7,4,3,11,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975480695835353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052923320191835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071631259447918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947213803262775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475369373102393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741922678614365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26888276571866865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347017955133353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914931238368318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480097989815368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677111906362285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017432110151617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730079625061343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985760827608084,0.25348866400029024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627090029710186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324806396709153,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Simplicity90518,2019/10/09,"I met someone... I've had my heart walled off and for good reason. My emotions are just too overwhelming and in my last relationship I was codependent af on a man that would light me on fire just to stay warm. I have been working with a therapist and a solid grpupd of friends who have urged me to let down my guard. I've been working hard to do just that and in the process I've realized that I'm in love with my best friend. He's always loved me and is over the moon as am I but I'm also terrified. I do not want to hurt him. I do not want to get hurt. Can I even handle the possible reprecussions of being in a relationship?? In this venerable state will I be able to maintain my stablilty when triggers, trails and or tribulations come along?? For lack of a better phrase.... I be trippin... Help!!",2.8123596035865965,4.276697116564417,4.068098159509205,88.22870693723455,74.76687116564419,7.7147711184520995,25.421897121283628,8.384062270229773,1.4698970268994809,622,21,136,11,13,204,101,163,0.08199999999999999,0.728,0.191,0.9569,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,7,11,0,1,8,0,19,3,1,2,0,25,28,11,0,4,7,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,4,19,8,25,17,2,16,0,3,0,2,12,11,0,1,2,95,24,2,0.16577447162047196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256978506222447,0.13793764030427233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397008049354568,0.14661404862876395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428000286261681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864739679391544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949247504904408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561538911052397,0.0,0.08661031933270208,0.0,0.0,0.1390437616787181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850136514733045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644354704322034,0.11111513395131346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549300009977772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512831999467456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951562879601345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992358658099406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688580868002014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704437665251053,0.0,0.35595948631253543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046017184553222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669352975212502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247693861765186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955561568604238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413715794082632,0.0,0.0,0.11776142833723376,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KungPo,2019/10/09,"How do I get my friends back? I recently fell out with my two best friends because of an angry outburst of mine and we are still not talking and I feel so distraught.

Basically, I turned down plans with them because of lack of money (I rarely have money because of debts I've built up over the years) and my friend had a go at me, saying I need to sort it out. I said to her ""sorry I'm shit i dont need reminding"" and she said ""that's a really manipulative thing to say"" and I got REALLY upset and stormed off and now I'm just questioning all my actions and behaviours and I feel horrible and they clearly hate me (my other best friend was part of it too but wasn't as harsh).

I haven't seen them much this year cuz of work and gf and social anxiety (avoiding just going out and drinking and doing sober stuff gives me extreme social anxiety -- that's a whole other story) but they seem to think I just don't give a shit. They know I have BPD but I don't think they really understand it. I don't feel I can tell them about the extent of my social anxiety or that my actions are a result of my BPD without them thinking it is just an excuse.

I think another aspect of it is that I have gotten back with my ex gf and I hadn't told them yet (they don't like her much) and one of them found out through seeing me tag her on facebook. I was planning on telling them but was scared and didn't know how to go about it.

We've been friends for 8 years and we've never fallen out like this, I hate it and I just feel so alone and like they're probably talking shit about me.

I just want to be back to normal because I miss them and miss our friendship. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to them.  

This post is a shit show; if anyone needs me to clarify anything don't hesitate to ask lol I have a very bad way with words.",1.9019810411311049,3.3045808714652978,3.4686752892030874,91.84550650706942,77.04627249357327,6.713399742930591,22.696095758354765,7.413659706084162,0.6710982647814907,1425,41,327,18,32,472,173,389,0.17,0.743,0.087,-0.9867,1,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,14,5,20,23,6,4,11,1,31,5,4,5,3,78,71,33,0,7,14,1,4,3,7,0,0,5,0,0,20,31,1,1,16,2,3,7,15,13,0,2,15,11,63,10,46,55,9,32,0,2,2,0,46,12,4,5,14,228,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252830061906699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355532619894067,0.18287347877087806,0.0,0.0,0.05571670844739872,0.0,0.06557291051897922,0.0,0.07449351992982052,0.0,0.0,0.18381558195294145,0.06653257623807401,0.19429781987076952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672462921419058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071770701969066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338872418187537,0.0780597078481121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116192843483226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736908401879391,0.3078172147729036,0.0,0.04163145389289582,0.15287976655725566,0.1358582799567671,0.0,0.06373034862579151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734234934240965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516835027534666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678831907833315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715340268687865,0.17725340194910666,0.061456995758625226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807312530112831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399574962813708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628970160102299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631497534367902,0.0,0.08591252538804227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926400076865483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314229073536706,0.0,0.07867805852693975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515949266376544,0.19010307275499866,0.07977730277394349,0.0,0.06349760665492564,0.07254106426420663,0.0,0.0,0.3271767662526264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436825474446393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919939863191463,0.0,0.0,0.0636355202213337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121879308350216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809350851660106,0.1392941636757662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052938321610097816,0.20423243633205265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614120743324024,0.0,0.0,0.0866730035575915,0.07783941410498188,0.08295356075893033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574741260207331,0.046999521480419436,0.06324922647092822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896402561001943,0.0,0.07681226074641727,0.0,0.05801069581899354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394110580557205
bpd,deeppsychosis,2019/10/09,"DAE get a chronic feeling of emptiness? Like a feeling of absolute nothing, a huge void that nothing can fill? 

I’ve been empty for so long trying to fill an unrelenting void in my gut thinking there has always been something missing inside of me. It’s like a visceral ache of nothingness. Like there has to be something more... and it hurts. 

I’ve tried filling this void with drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, food, jobs etc and these things work at filling the black hole inside my gut only temporarily....... then I am right back to feeling empty and moving on to the next thing. 

It’s exhausting.",4.280181818181816,6.7393493818181875,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,73.36363636363637,7.309090909090909,30.09090909090909,8.238735603445708,2.439654545454545,472,21,81,8,10,150,75,110,0.163,0.736,0.102,-0.8032,1,0,4,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,7,0,7,8,2,0,0,8,13,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,4,2,0,4,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,3,13,10,2,14,0,2,1,1,1,5,0,0,7,50,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697345628349025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336233424372894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172453753064912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137433843492033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555658099711166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795810287010845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287078066858967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629540358351736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973097891412248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290120268108245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701365738612312,0.0,0.0,0.1631103044235951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958944685084625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601788420750668,0.0,0.0,0.35370463598095114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017756799635636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788209221452907,0.0,0.15740142586689587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28378473736996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489738252203125,0.11809967610088695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502714749244157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418131829894833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zrj_2460,2019/10/09,"How do I cope with (low) self esteem I'm in my early 20s, this year I got diagnosed with BPD after being treated for depression for like 5-6 years. My biggest problem was not feeling anything other than ""emptiness"" but after a couple of months I started feeling things. First I've learned how to feel anger, because I thought that's the easiest emotion to learn then I was learning the rest. BUT now that I feel things almost normally I've realised how disconnected I am from myself.

​

I thought I don't have any problems with self esteem, it was neither high or low. But now that there are times when I feel like an actual human with a body, not an invisible ghost, my self esteem goes low and it's really hard for me to not cut myself of the emotions again.

​

How should I deal with pain it causes? I know I shouldn't go into drugs and alcohol, I know it's unhealthy and I don't wanna add another problem. I really have no idea how to deal with it other than talking about it with my therapist privately or on group sessions. I'm just afraid I'll go into the same madness I was in the past",4.2523133484162905,5.496717497737556,5.227644230769233,82.1845432692308,70.8552036199095,7.877941176470588,29.64960407239819,8.278499904357787,2.1409658371040736,881,35,168,13,16,289,123,221,0.15,0.759,0.092,-0.9326,0,0,2,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,12,15,3,1,9,0,14,5,1,6,0,50,29,15,1,7,9,0,6,2,0,2,4,0,0,4,14,13,1,0,13,0,0,2,8,12,0,1,7,6,24,3,28,19,3,27,0,4,0,0,8,10,0,3,17,117,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.10476987939925128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473738687491128,0.10750759057070493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23265348543251746,0.2609132985712101,0.07300987961628155,0.11257847668512358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834982416872174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544691278031622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192550410660253,0.13521875102376293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029040565249017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187940727984972,0.0,0.0,0.2213711307693062,0.09247078143068957,0.10897022678872632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450589965142915,0.0,0.0,0.2415357247079856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714274066687256,0.07669947418955173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132210990575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203266105923642,0.0,0.08586724381664168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617531403281272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343390664815248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119869296091093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800675632868685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490335489525897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569536872856766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519201966276613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424079706929575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024892306299197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30819296381241623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755776434893116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360061173057224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599141575810335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629355373299155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465562183392395,0.14265315872125764,0.0,0.0,0.17046695985902852,0.06260367818022654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609132985712101,0.13827528799741515
bpd,justtryingtobee,2019/10/09,"Therapist said it could be BPD I’m a 21 year old college students and always struggled with my mental health. I’ve been on meds for anxiety and depression for the past 4 years now and have been in therapy for the past 6 years. 

My therapist mentioned 5 months ago after a real rough patch that BPD could be a possibility and I honestly think it might be. I feel dumb because I haven’t even mentioned it to my psychiatrist yet (I’m seeing them Friday) and I don’t know why I haven’t pursued this avenue with my therapist. I’ve been increasingly more impulsive and emotionally volatile as of late. I genuinely feel like everyday is a gamble for my personality. Like there isn’t consistency. I’ll go from having a great day to having suicidal ideations in only a couple minutes and I cannot help but fall into that depressive loop.

I’m also basically addicted to smoking weed and when I don’t have any I end up drinking.  I have said so many times how I should stop smoking, actually write music, workout and eat better but all I do is repeat the cycle. I feel crazy as of late and just can’t seem to ground myself.

Not sure if this was even the best place to post but any advice or guidance is appreciated",3.9449433710859414,5.718766434599158,5.505960470797248,77.80459027315123,72.41772151898734,8.702553852986899,28.085498556517877,9.276330184999452,2.520515611814347,963,37,182,22,19,326,143,237,0.10300000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.096,0.3565,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,10,11,1,1,10,0,27,4,0,1,2,36,40,21,1,4,7,0,4,2,0,2,2,2,0,1,7,13,2,1,6,2,1,3,8,4,0,0,6,7,20,7,22,27,4,31,0,2,1,0,8,7,1,4,22,115,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.10591958439953032,0.11832484618607553,0.0,0.1060642335631648,0.09621434409236967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679956389778112,0.09031414675583946,0.0,0.0,0.14762212480071915,0.0,0.08303296086023641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616510242898059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139062502893392,0.09599499219442463,0.0,0.0,0.27340518083220944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332104573506674,0.12009767398886873,0.0,0.06999945386446868,0.0,0.18697104157033972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632808065024804,0.0,0.11106372830878164,0.0,0.12209312316385094,0.09613440649035146,0.0,0.0,0.14337956540979302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464356897522114,0.07754114518793535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616859006456747,0.0,0.0,0.11966596081130892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537316390636672,0.0,0.0,0.0727522124659897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059650858903062175,0.0,0.2448761611485374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605452460510964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004273329927718,0.0,0.0,0.12056370074768445,0.0,0.10938299919050246,0.115144006595708,0.0,0.0,0.08663575726860348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389468825994607,0.0,0.0,0.0825497180277645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072278173076963,0.0,0.09477312169672916,0.11340141415348688,0.0,0.0,0.12236277432671365,0.10395151451185763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354251743560893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649318361606947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649249180691047,0.09881092748319753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074447271578047,0.0,0.11346979040552554,0.0,0.11872536908737046,0.0,0.10229786007529497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412518546868855,0.3780706363342994,0.0,0.06954818164309957,0.0,0.0,0.06329066724857685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794065398801424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968900300437268
bpd,vvvvhatever,2019/10/09,"DAE worry you treat everyone like a therapist? Being a girl with BPD (+more) I worry that I talk too much/often about my problems. Some friends are also struggling with mental illness daily and are easy to talk to - but sometimes I worry they’ll leave or tire of me (what’s up, fear of abandonment) because we don’t talk about anything else. Especially those that can’t relate.

It’s not like I don’t have other interests, and I do try to speak on them. I just need an astounding amount of reassurance to be okay, because this shit is all consuming, and sometimes this manifests as me being too revealing about my life to EVERYONE.

I’ve always been like this and I feel like my relationships can be a little chaotic. How do I share with over sharing? But also without feeling like I’m hiding? (because I also tend to go silent to avoid this)

Thanks to anyone for listening.",3.220714285714287,5.600746071428574,4.449047619047622,81.86678571428574,76.38095238095238,7.295238095238094,26.57142857142857,8.278499904357787,2.0293500000000004,692,27,125,13,16,227,108,168,0.17800000000000002,0.602,0.221,0.8564,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,2,0,10,19,1,3,4,1,16,4,1,1,1,24,24,12,0,2,6,0,2,5,1,1,3,2,0,1,10,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,4,18,13,23,18,4,5,0,1,0,0,15,4,1,2,5,88,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30724025774909763,0.1065602194358616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954592512447858,0.0,0.1053864648352318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23420144308806956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129320328488808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698175444746642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447429164320149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410856739563546,0.12950687844532774,0.18297911774270614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989425902361138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278220904497272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356021916303387,0.0,0.0,0.09045599527515806,0.31283009971402304,0.12835462977623424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905925389301182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414240465210848,0.09495846818241616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254077186487357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749372864458634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145673456727025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533188348207805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388119358136144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088010412546589,0.0,0.11790491355030255,0.0,0.14869316866807805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719171312223173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869476309746928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344995138997185,0.0,0.0,0.39016823371905135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwyourboatashore1,2019/10/09,"Getting old real fast, guys. I am sick to death of the NHS here in the United Kingdom, because every time I try to get opinions or analyses from actual people on whether or not one NHS program or another is helpful to my diagnosis, I am *constantly* redirected to the NHS's own opinions on how the NHS is run, and never actually given any fucking help for a single thing. It's like a radical religion; you can't criticise the NHS, or else your opinion permanently disappears from public view.

I've been waiting over a year just to see someone for assistance for BPD that the system tells me I have. Every time I reach a crisis, and explain myself, and explain how I literally wish for death every day, and ask desperately for help, I get yet another stupid rabbit hole that just leads to, ""[Have you tried contacting the Samaritans?](https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/urgent-support/)""

For the record, yes, I have contacted the Samaritans. Numerous times. I am tired of reaching critical mass and ending up contacting them because of a lack of support for anything except dire situations. *I need help*. In the long term. I need a network that can prevent these crises from happening in the first place, and I need people to stop beating around the bush with, ""*Well, the unofficial network for reaching so-and-so is _______.*"" I need the NHS and all affiliates to stop fucking telling me, ""*Have you tried meditation?*"" and sending me home with a useless packet of information I could have gotten off Wikipedia for nothing.

I have spoken with bloody TalkWorks (formerly Depression and Anxiety Service), who do absolutely fuck all, except lead me into repetitive session after repetitive session of bugger all. They gave me a diagnosis of EUPD (Borderline) after a single hour with a specialist, and funneled me into an 8-session treatment programme of exactly the same nothingburger.

So here we are, dicking along at the speed of snail, while every day I feel worse, as they shit out ""professional opinions"" on my situation. Shit, I was told to my face, ""*I'm not sure whether you have EUPD*"" by two advisors, only to have the same exact advisors tell their assessment team, in writing, that I have EUPD. Make up your mind? Jesus christ.

The right hand knoweth not what the left hand is doing, and in the meantime, every arse in media and parliament goes, ""*Oh boy, the NHS is flawless, look at how many (useless) websites they have to support mental health! It couldn't possibly be that they're just waffling for coverage so it looks good on paper while fuck-all happens in reality.*""

I have made it clear that I need my providers to show me where I can start helping myself, and been ignored completely, or given vague promises of ""we'll look into that"". I have asked for clarification, time and again, and the only thing that came of it is a note of, ""*patient mentions that he is confused about what he is doing here*"". I mean, there's even a fucking line in the assessment outcome devoted to a *joke* I made about where I live. I told them it was a weird town. How in god's name is that remotely relevant to my assessment, enough that you've gone and put it on record?! Of all the things to notice, of all the times I have tried to get clarification... you devote attention to this random, off-side joke? Really?

I have never in my life felt this patronised and helpless in front of a health institution... and I have been through many health institutions.

So now I'm wondering, ""*Do I have the right to be upset at this? Is this all in my head? Maybe they anaylsed the joke for some deeper purpose. Have I constructed this as some kind of persecution scenario, or is it really happening? Are these people I see every week not telling me that this is so?*""

And I hate that I doubt. I didn't used to have this much doubt before I entered this programme. I don't know if it's a result of my disorder growing worse, or actual harm being done to me by this system, or what. But the constant remains: I am so tired. I'm fucking fed up.

**TL;DR - I'm not asking for a diagnosis, or for a miracle, or anything of that nature. Most of this is a rant. I'm just so, so tired of feeling like I'm getting shuffled like a playing card.**",4.324335763928449,6.505656189567432,5.274027951843834,78.14524381907259,72.34605597964376,8.254878280353955,30.051953970604988,8.968343076075232,2.756327925259201,3319,144,584,70,67,1085,350,786,0.139,0.7659999999999999,0.095,-0.9905,1,0,0,0,0,0,168.0,2,7,7,5,29,37,9,4,49,1,58,21,7,11,12,122,117,48,2,10,25,0,5,3,0,1,8,0,1,2,42,31,1,5,12,6,0,11,11,20,1,3,19,11,73,17,103,92,18,85,2,4,6,6,48,38,8,23,37,412,115,9,0.0,0.0,0.1701341254928286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03951985720857072,0.12187625419292772,0.0444574383579852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564657424175717,0.05173423171987662,0.1629876559109377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085212744942228,0.0,0.04945116464232453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319318646279055,0.0,0.0,0.06646751348288127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060931954324548725,0.12560227180372532,0.0,0.046399704569600034,0.0,0.0,0.07495809791753545,0.0,0.050053939238256864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660425918164099,0.0,0.0,0.05947131701083014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854721303760928,0.0,0.051472203403901635,0.060047820136316564,0.0,0.0383840834107432,0.0,0.2937838687882192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876888120028386,0.04151701501049425,0.05579903975122278,0.0,0.0,0.04943216948759095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223555485385284,0.1518121551279411,0.0,0.0,0.048743690775359914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057542498122419065,0.1541713983486776,0.0,0.0,0.057376043623210325,0.0596422496399813,0.18531900835741502,0.0,0.0,0.19476464331784946,0.0,0.058293588323640524,0.0,0.057231082564682886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051731555305105,0.031938212912189866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314158128466399,0.0,0.041047994546663316,0.0851754371041887,0.0,0.05131617389107687,0.05142950943996872,0.14640464668414035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997870228153646,0.03879188431330475,0.11783797618951708,0.05838383283663929,0.06330373436135794,0.0,0.0,0.058565753810810965,0.0,0.11735816983585272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272084897208344,0.2154558507843752,0.08964298001994818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576243628330689,0.06616375075899764,0.06098139859352328,0.0,0.03937989357702938,0.08839740177074422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086784439416685,0.0,0.0607172901845938,0.0,0.0,0.06551537414278877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584211303036723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614703121003768,0.07445928186118618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925894193003597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261947503971772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930741145957832,0.0,0.13064628027534902,0.0,0.0,0.04924023271545639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113374676990501,0.0,0.0,0.0971726591535205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978429596502988,0.054772234560036784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031785605063462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582608735924675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943518023978044,0.2003822284805934,0.0,0.11106180268622633,0.0,0.1578237405376113,0.0,0.0567694284209952,0.0,0.0,0.050192274563904085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046615951650854213,0.0,0.0522519205586048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668288143643213,0.0,0.06302270323216637,0.0,0.0,0.11844729384118415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03742383678655733
bpd,bat__woman,2019/10/09,"Does anything help with the feelings of emptiness? Hey guys, I’m feeling pretty frustrated with the emptiness today, not having anything to say a lot of the time and wanting without knowing what. Has there been anything that’s helped you?

Thank you! 💛",4.317333333333334,7.436381622222225,3.653333333333333,84.90000000000002,77.22222222222223,4.488888888888889,33.44444444444444,5.6839178017228535,1.9775777777777783,203,11,31,1,5,60,37,45,0.171,0.633,0.196,-0.2387,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,9,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,6,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.603820760366414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403901514418744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24734024411262545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421787728771783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278819228058581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441816854229807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207938424517951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488320762962049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450474802343376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518209418444946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262016899369376,0.0,0.2318391007832487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426326650520546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357723503109342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Porcelain__Punisher,2019/10/09,Which medications are prescribed to treat BPD? I highly suspect I have it. I have most of the traits. I haven't seen much on medications for it.,1.24642857142857,3.911835071428573,2.732857142857142,87.93714285714289,91.14285714285714,5.6571428571428575,21.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.8443285714285721,114,4,23,2,4,37,21,28,0.095,0.802,0.10300000000000001,0.0534,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660744827931654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909860797557205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7455880240805357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720348512121547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,autumnelaine89,2019/10/09,"Dating is a lose-lose situation I am like 9 months out of a very serious relationship and last night this girl on Tinder said she wanted me to take her out on a date. We texted all night and I slept soundly for first time in months.

This morning, I wake up and realize that I'm already going down the path to turning this literal stranger into my new favorite person.

I don't want a favorite person. Ever again. It feels like a trap. I can't be myself around a FP. But I also can't date without turning my partner into that person.

I either date and become engulfed. Or isolate and feel alone. There is no in between and I should just give up on ever having a relationship with anyone ever again.",2.9983573141486812,4.9104959280575535,4.547643884892088,83.08942745803358,75.33093525179856,6.359952038369305,25.252398081534768,7.1686216300943375,1.2467693045563544,550,19,103,6,12,184,91,139,0.085,0.83,0.085,0.4376,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,8,0,9,2,2,0,4,28,21,9,0,3,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,6,13,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,4,15,2,20,17,2,31,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,1,19,78,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487950069606896,0.15853938530916853,0.11488992499689495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004548495372996,0.0,0.0,0.12789350698071816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866819187361514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898633050516744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528404246408752,0.10263526629357836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220252052190585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781785010958966,0.08164889522824723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710724688780062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403762395835479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072589275418028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293462134524272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875385221561135,0.0,0.26964226700552185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763317355931032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30848777996573634,0.0,0.0,0.13665959431523564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148699229624955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801921270019782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377300169106396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125354592525353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853978141302755,0.169476266283675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384892308056188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bluntash,2019/10/09,Almost got baker acted. Almost got BaWoke up getting bitched at by my boyfriend oh how i wish I could disappear from this toxic relationship. Locked me out with no shoes or phone so i had to scream and bang for him to open. I never asked for this abuse. My jaw is out of place from him smacking me around.  Police took me home. Bruised up on my back from my bf throwing me on metal dumbbells. Under my chin is black from who knows what. Nose bridge cut up and swollen from bashing my head through a broken door. I hate myself. I would have loved if the nice officer lady took me to the hospital to get my brain checked out if i didnt need fucking parental consent. I need fucking help i want a way out i hate this world i hate this city i hate my life i want to leave this fucking body forever,0.7913975155279473,3.2397035900621134,1.7681335403726737,96.72387732919258,87.63354037267081,4.462236024844722,21.093478260869567,5.985473137389443,0.04201590062111782,622,21,134,5,20,194,103,161,0.21100000000000002,0.691,0.098,-0.9654,1,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,9,0,4,0,7,12,6,1,1,24,28,7,0,9,3,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,7,9,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,10,0,0,6,3,29,2,28,20,0,23,0,0,1,4,10,15,4,5,2,85,36,0,0.0,0.15553467971705345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628979063132133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685902881432965,0.12272067285227507,0.0,0.0,0.10093930281564127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581249773677613,0.0,0.1465418596399689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480921882893293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36407379681498014,0.1371673680708821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099788349868633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51841177588733,0.13472192661464033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798819005849336,0.0,0.1316755249114043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214311334887051,0.0,0.0,0.13899704417750844,0.0,0.0,0.09272059559079143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184772105154432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946715792464638,0.10124429451156523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457609202864794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715026448306908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093593654179634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29169384150829325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485408409337667,0.10419681654472383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095518158486984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325115823229124,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sept20-2019,2019/10/09,"Help Figuring Out WTF My partner and I are trying to recuse our relationship. We've established a huge history of terrible behaviors.  He's done a lot of work and is in a better place than I am. 

I'm trying to catch up, lots of therapy and reading and work. We are long distance for now. 

I have been dx CPTSD but a identify with behaviors seen in pwBPD and codependency. 

I panic every time we talk. I have had complete mental breakdowns when I go visit him. 

I endeavor to manage the thoughts that come panic attacks about fatalistic thinking and splitting, but I can't shake the feeling that consistent panic attacks may mean that leaving him is the right choice, that my subconscious is giving me every indication that staying is wrong.  But my panic has not generally led me down the right road before. 

Ideas? Thoughts?",4.743522267206476,7.0449040000000025,5.738421052631582,74.74625506072877,71.5,8.887449392712552,31.429149797570854,9.466822959209583,3.3317301619433204,656,30,109,16,13,216,101,152,0.242,0.6970000000000001,0.06,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,0,3,3,10,2,5,8,0,15,1,0,1,0,27,25,10,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,7,1,0,6,2,9,0,0,6,2,18,1,15,18,2,21,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,3,4,75,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881734661447945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077728692384168,0.0,0.0,0.11201480029604764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910084564496456,0.13279387034376006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296105868891695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342220959658967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403985623692804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149765601521252,0.07198014900519367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489322582544859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429764769994875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410785529951985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208443392505564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153526913509368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796287984269007,0.0,0.0,0.12763702074469774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5944027546288182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232603565365975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266878555921049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597854757337285,0.0,0.21632293287211296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349958659071162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179935112409463,0.0,0.0,0.14483940822480276,0.0,0.0,0.08115450087153102,0.0,0.20109759247418346,0.07385272179713451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719789359330877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441063129644605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384758087767363,0.0,0.0
bpd,MyPretendAccount99,2019/10/09,"What do I do now? So I'm 38 years old. I've fucked up every relationship and job I've ever had. All my friends and people I know have careers, houses, kids and are living healthy normal lives. I am self diagnosed, mostly due to being broke as fuck and not being able to afford therapy or meds.

So I was wondering if there's a point to getting better at this age or if I should just end it. Even if I do get better I'll never be able to get a house, have kids or anything that I hoped for when I was younger. I'll be spending the rest of my life just picking up the pieces of a life I destroyed.",2.6444704861111106,3.2954912421875022,4.337916666666668,89.29319444444445,74.078125,6.938888888888887,24.378472222222207,6.937597516519254,0.7424868055555551,461,13,105,4,9,156,84,128,0.10800000000000001,0.782,0.11,-0.1779,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,3,0,5,0,15,5,0,1,3,23,24,14,0,6,9,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,11,4,11,16,4,13,0,1,0,2,5,4,2,9,9,71,15,2,0.3116862757806604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824562378782514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27566118201145723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817750448640394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803076347684384,0.0,0.0,0.1029329227849246,0.14096904040982872,0.1313045651320255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040402174845083,0.2881489395134845,0.2442648220781593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478739980829442,0.0,0.3596441144504448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465026736548926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564731293437101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201532342421456,0.0,0.0,0.2752246918716096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731065938755948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019583536572462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269318650131045,0.0,0.0,0.16353115757837772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108042009332119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732213826015686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731720742798895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625783809450713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822021004173452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900523521888092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035787128339142
bpd,CheesusCrisps,2019/10/09,Having a FP who isn’t your SO How does this affect your relationship?,-0.2566666666666677,1.3784685714285736,2.2442857142857164,87.28404761904763,113.28571428571428,4.723809523809524,11.809523809523812,6.42735559955562,-0.3554476190476188,56,1,11,1,3,19,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6318033562071258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7751287113024595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LonelyClumsy,2019/10/09,"Frustrated, sad, lost and lonely Left my job a little over a month ago because it made me miserable, then my long term boyfriend broke up with me three weeks later. 
Before all this happened I was stable, had my shit together.
New job didn't work out and can't seem to find another one no matter how hard I try.
I am so lost, so sad, so brokenhearted.
Reached out to find help for my mental state and they say I'm ""mentalizing so well"", tried to find help in searching a job but nothing's happening.
Days are so long, the pain is never ending.
I don't want to die, I know there's something good out there but the feeling that there's nothing left to live for is too intense. I can't stop screaming and crying

I don't know how I can deal any longer, this pain is killing me.",2.65223953261928,4.2422046329113945,3.563924050632913,91.15833982473222,75.45569620253164,6.633690360272638,24.17916260954236,7.321109707123232,0.8421863680623174,604,19,132,7,13,193,101,158,0.22899999999999998,0.628,0.14300000000000002,-0.9522,3,2,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,3,12,15,3,1,5,0,13,3,1,3,2,25,24,14,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,7,13,1,2,6,4,16,2,14,18,2,23,0,7,0,0,5,9,1,1,13,76,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470887393808707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032766113019167,0.12386221937693925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200665799566765,0.0,0.10051393594156216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297525212523412,0.07617953497030458,0.12177958154363708,0.0,0.0,0.12259297979205334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046218788400942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059726516079530466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238867271985509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990759317315754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891148091554984,0.0,0.10581496744441576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583506558337049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35165642340914954,0.0,0.13068555016022576,0.0,0.12983457558434255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566818760447832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839023457659455,0.10430473483407338,0.2090701990436271,0.0,0.0,0.25789032174010484,0.0,0.0,0.11177079767501773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23808031497283824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428461703859743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110370621710256,0.11408388760246704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22668432539720604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004317247159992,0.0,0.25138230832471986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393611623571324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075347033453832,0.0,0.0,0.12125151752783822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093682299402653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875608095454846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603954675404941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967198029193603,0.0,0.09475111075702801,0.0,0.10620672402437308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599491927819397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mckahla,2019/10/09,"Losing your FP & dealing with abandonment. Please help me. Good morning, 

I need help desperately. How do I let go of the fact that my husband is leaving me? A person without BPD would obviously grieve this pain. With my BPD I am unable to function properly. I am incredibly suicidal. I have started self harming and I just feel horrible. My husband says that he’s “trapped” in this marriage now because he is fearful I will commit suicide if he leaves. I feel god awful because I don’t want him to feel trapped but I absolutely feel like I CANNOT lose another person this year. I have lost so much. And to top it off, if my husband leaves me I will be forced to move back to my hometown where my sexual predator/stalker lives. I know this seems more like a post for r/relationship_advice but I can’t take the backlash right now for having borderline. How do I make this feeling stop? This impending doom? My husband is my FP and absolutely my pride and joy. I’m not eating or sleeping. I can’t do this. I can’t.",2.076515151515153,4.638997964646467,3.653333333333333,84.90000000000003,81.97979797979798,6.428282828282829,27.686868686868692,7.686295010490155,1.894850505050505,799,37,153,14,22,264,118,198,0.19699999999999998,0.643,0.16,-0.7843,0,2,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,0,5,8,14,0,1,4,1,21,3,1,3,3,32,36,12,3,5,8,4,5,2,0,3,1,1,0,3,10,6,1,2,7,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,1,6,32,5,13,30,2,14,1,6,0,0,17,5,0,4,8,100,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422044750851825,0.0,0.0,0.12989561271702865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525360313502568,0.0,0.15102827976283126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120369547047536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277115285080966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675687949343198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939582574218706,0.3131791292223729,0.08849760174666027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040203308184245,0.10390197206638738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606399891048607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807944275590573,0.0,0.0,0.393502894721036,0.0,0.12667240813490815,0.0,0.12103988223525332,0.0,0.1093854728965213,0.0,0.0,0.27717287753022235,0.13522614694267054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268871757985502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166142070223066,0.0910636922634013,0.09185306829926887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181363587022865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163288654011231,0.0,0.13597951318142082,0.0,0.0,0.11863971972474685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579009967959917,0.0,0.0985117934756444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277277485949108,0.1292305058931514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396624984131252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768062778768862,0.0,0.0,0.10356654119110577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27100219903262746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931399275487436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306573880844514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941280260315155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799851564621411,0.0,0.0,0.0797725896944087
bpd,telebubbbies,2019/10/09,"Suspect BPD I suspect I might have BPD but I am not too sure , I don’t really wanna tell my family about this since I am not close with them.What should I do?",-0.6372857142857136,1.3132732000000047,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,88.42857142857143,5.785714285714287,14.464285714285715,7.1686216300943375,-0.3679999999999993,122,2,30,2,4,42,25,35,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.5637,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7558524165899755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828782034380915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183256271015215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223178704257896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24822005100286498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828113370585613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622733982828899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CapableZombie,2019/10/09,"I hate kissing and its ruining my marriage  Does anyone else hate kissing? It is such a big turn-off for me that it's starting to create problems in my marriage. My husband is an extremely affectionate person and everything else I can handle, but the moment he kisses me on my mouth I start to freak out. I don't understand how something so arbitrary can be so distressing...",5.505070422535212,6.877210774647892,6.567718309859156,73.2670704225352,68.01408450704224,9.623661971830987,35.32676056338028,9.888512548439397,3.844310422535212,299,15,50,7,5,100,54,71,0.153,0.682,0.165,0.2255,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,2,1,3,0,6,4,1,1,0,7,11,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,10,4,6,10,0,7,0,1,0,3,5,4,0,0,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295556838848938,0.2534432578778757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646102753746788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132648162814344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223056976018599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884214487973264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597984743704512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366842357057711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042508407648065,0.0,0.0,0.3501566668443501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690499674508441,0.0,0.2575040890015054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BorderlineButAlive,2019/10/09,"BDSM and BPD - healthy coping strategy or self harm? To cut a long story short, I've had sub tendencies for as long as I can remember. I'm in a long term relationship with someone where ""fun"" BDSM is and has always been an integral part of our sex life.

But I'm aware that the dynamic overlaps with my BPD\*. I have never felt able to discuss it with HCPs because kink-aware therapy isn't a thing in my country but mandatory reporting is.

DAE also ""play"" in this way? Do you have any thoughts about whether this is likely to be a healthy coping strategy (because it helps me keep away from blades and fire) or is just another way of self-harming (because pain=relief from distress)?

Thanks for any thoughts or perspective you can give me.

\*the idea of being punished and then forgiven for a thing because someone is paying attention to what I am doing is so empowering I can't even tell you - even though it's a fiction in the moment I feel so UNDERSTOOD and FORGIVEN which are two things I never felt growing up. External control and validation is so important and BDSM can be a very black-and-white way of demonstrating it.",7.0159984639016875,6.786935327188946,7.232085253456223,75.4205088325653,64.39170506912443,11.104301075268816,36.977342549923186,10.686352973137794,3.9400540706605214,894,41,168,21,12,290,132,217,0.044000000000000004,0.8270000000000001,0.128,0.9596,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,3,0,1,10,9,2,1,11,0,24,2,0,1,2,30,35,21,0,0,7,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,10,0,2,9,1,1,1,4,4,0,1,7,4,14,5,25,25,2,21,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,3,9,113,26,2,0.12069293568939644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965180970656537,0.1004261910030707,0.0,0.0,0.16415067001181194,0.12655706648125395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339498604868095,0.0,0.0,0.29429317345971223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040170548885715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536739010428586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943309148132034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061025974701516814,0.0,0.23176829088321016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157796615727322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089793069470662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624763359870515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072774267461546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524898979157618,0.058964471942176425,0.0,0.0,0.3204283502997629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861716649742691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842579305819318,0.0,0.0,0.13069868791089329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957904486013744,0.13672156845438765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518181081504931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452546549249115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549094554901103,0.11111783957549133,0.13802289045446928,0.0,0.2405490706168804,0.0,0.11858019652332685,0.191633418811281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178994607990764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958431193051244,0.0,0.2874013036695188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrimsonWoman,2019/10/09,"How do I get my family to learn more about bpd? Hi everyone, I’m 23f and I was diagnosed with bpd at 17. I still live with my parents and my older brother and sometimes I feel like although they know I have bpd and they try to be supportive, they don’t really know much about bpd itself so they don’t understand my behaviour. They think the answer to everything is to send me to my therapist. 

My brother has anger issues (that he doesn’t get help for) and sometimes he gets triggered into fighting with me, and if I tell him the emotions are too intense and I can’t handle it he just says “stop using bpd as an excuse to get out of the argument” etc

My mum sometimes dismisses my feelings like “oh I feel like that too, everyone does” but she doesn’t really get the intensity with which I feel things. 

My father does really try to understand but he still can’t comprehend that this is just inherently who I am and that bpd is not something separate from me. For example if I’m not doing well, he’ll think, “oh, I thought you were doing better lately, do we need to see your psychiatrist?” 

I know myself now and I know how and when or why I react to things. I’ve been in therapy for so many years that it just isn’t a necessity anymore.  But if I’m going to live with my bpd, I need them to know more about it. 

I don’t know how to educate them further so they understand how I function. I feel like in the future I will end up getting very frustrated with them if this lack of understanding keeps up. 

Can anyone recommend me some resources I could give them? Like books written for loved ones of people with bpd, something like that, where it is spelled out in layman’s terms? 

I used to send them excerpts from books I was reading etc but i don’t think any of them actually read those. I think the only way to do it is to get, for example, a copy of a book for each of them and then make it necessary that they read it for me.  

I really want them to see me for me and not see my bpd as something removed from me that must be treated.",2.8978379953379942,4.353865596153849,4.4167482517482535,85.8494638694639,74.52884615384616,8.119347319347321,25.586829836829835,8.754623652393294,1.7479256410256414,1592,54,338,32,33,532,183,416,0.045,0.867,0.08900000000000001,0.9423,2,0,3,0,2,0,32.0,1,2,15,1,21,14,3,0,10,0,33,2,0,9,1,79,79,33,0,10,15,5,5,6,0,3,1,1,0,0,23,24,0,2,22,6,0,4,12,3,1,1,6,9,65,11,54,67,9,28,0,0,3,1,41,11,0,6,18,238,88,7,0.0,0.0,0.05718177712538944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984766125634732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811202916752462,0.04097206803328071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051823883939252205,0.0,0.0,0.6642026960128994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046784574658914384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059474261660557186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255646614277183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659132283880922,0.05189914818092173,0.0,0.1307012781925768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198302333441264,0.05266279803070807,0.0,0.055239609462540834,0.0,0.14814087372104418,0.1674455392671894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429994092061755,0.05621114716611005,0.03330176796384342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03927603022796273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115957110758554,0.0,0.05208330323751685,0.0,0.0,0.19321877848010585,0.0,0.06609945719433312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176387795009326,0.0,0.10348364891055227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288567134334495,0.0,0.03911365006847111,0.05940770146956735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043075204179988,0.0868971941112375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03970653667311735,0.04456531438248641,0.0,0.0,0.06506453090376775,0.0,0.0,0.040623467630336314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758372118871593,0.0,0.15015379358971825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046598325991725996,0.0,0.0,0.1400815840874162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533145372630884,0.17386044959545313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359055610053443,0.04898933699193925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649466702685501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121596474198114,0.0,0.06701025812512204,0.06803510728471078,0.07785788410757734,0.1501852049264444,0.0,0.046519112944456334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956641793974525,0.0,0.0,0.244004287383668,0.0,0.10121720551532133,0.0,0.04834828792313723,0.03456176154851962,0.046511211488126585,0.0,0.0,0.052685332829626286,0.0,0.05287426947157045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03773425504331418
bpd,nottotallytara,2019/10/09,"Has anyone else been hurt by an FP? How did you cope? I mean like traumatized. I've been through it twice. The first time, my best friend since middle school committed suicide. She was one of my two FP's, the other being my girlfriend at the time. So I leaned more onto my FP girlfriend and doubled down into my identity crisis (gender identity, sexual orientation, etc) while trying to cope with the rollercoaster of being abandoned by my best friend of nearly 7 years. After a year I couldn't keep trying to force myself to change anymore, so we broke up. A year later, I made a post on tumblr apologizing for my behavior and for relying on her while also being distant. She turned it around on me and sent me a vicious manuscript detailing how I was abusive and manipulative and how I use my friend's suicide as an excuse. I went into crisis and called our mutual friend, who also has BPD. She reassured me that I was nothing like that, and effectively saved my life that day.

I still get BPD episodes sometimes because of what she said, knowing that she told all our old friends the same story. Hell, I still struggle with idolizing her and making every excuse for her behavior like I used to from the start. I'm currently looking into whether I might have PTSD because of the emotional impact it had on me. I literally went mildly stable to suicidal in minutes, so I think that might qualify as traumatic. I avoided relationships for another year after *that*, unable to even confront the IDEA of meeting someone in person. What if they hurt me like my FP's had?

Finally, I met this really amazing guy. I mean he's exactly my type. He doesn't treat me like I'm crazy and while he doesn't understand what BPD is, he understands that I have PTSD-type symptoms regarding relationships and trust. Despite him being amazing in almost every way, on the most recent date I had with him he held my hand and talked about future dates and I had an anxiety attack. Like I was worried I was going to vomit right in front of him in a crowded restaurant. He asked if I wanted to go to his place to bake, since I mentioned that I liked to cook and bake when I had the motivation, and I (being a quiet borderline) am super proud of myself for being honest and saying that I was having an anxiety attack and wanted to go home. Without missing a beat, he got the check and drove me back to my car. He held my hand in his jeep and while I wanted to shy away from his touch, I forced myself to hold his hand through two more anxiety attacks.

I'm trying to reach out to therapists in my area to see if I should pursue a diagnosis for PTSD or just DBT therapy (I have the workbook at home). The first one I contacted said she didn't treat BPD people. I was so annoyed, but I promised my date over text that I'd get help. He said he'd wait for me, which I really didn't expect. I should've, though. From the moment I met him I knew he wasn't like every other guy I talked to. I'm not gonna allow myself to let him get away.

If I can't get a therapist to see me, does anyone have any suggestions about what I should do? Online counseling? Support groups?",5.350791256285582,5.8865343338735805,6.262333873581849,78.34281968166894,67.89789303079417,9.310376927232682,29.43477538129077,9.333382268041843,2.487661380542742,2472,84,470,46,39,820,284,617,0.10300000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.126,0.9228,1,1,0,0,0,2,68.0,3,1,1,9,19,41,7,2,27,0,44,9,3,11,3,79,93,42,3,11,10,0,4,8,7,5,3,5,4,3,22,27,3,7,10,1,1,9,9,14,0,7,33,12,95,27,79,46,9,71,1,5,3,0,70,30,1,9,38,328,117,4,0.0,0.07421597375136994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272306648821377,0.0,0.0,0.10018342354903492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042596094928355394,0.06568156946665844,0.14375405669412847,0.0,0.06212022068183335,0.08759611200914134,0.0641801944045116,0.0,0.0557612400711682,0.05855822156012892,0.2137798400525049,0.11770122143958542,0.048164876552774606,0.0,0.07636727862612326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146976327044618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155622655439852,0.0,0.06396056198477218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626286491634367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040396429542916536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548150735777287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232614288415557,0.07045949611424976,0.0,0.0,0.06985810305569144,0.04137191215223676,0.0,0.158326047299186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861703960999051,0.0,0.1065599692273852,0.0,0.0,0.24197042480573924,0.0,0.13090340761060387,0.0,0.10679612489759226,0.0,0.050097456509628886,0.0,0.0,0.12404324739845993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198503649276942,0.0,0.1256623579808761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411088583846514,0.07071085526628203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567567227133552,0.0,0.0,0.03442429313116609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405175971991213,0.04424318294219669,0.2448147175098157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260027632182762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926973897903778,0.04181145640123809,0.0,0.0,0.1364626326428631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328983725712655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010300130449318,0.0,0.06572820923022607,0.0,0.08489047297022571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043425411402912464,0.0546932229013789,0.0654435425423187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999003992214357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966196173196634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025521503575705,0.0,0.0618476236252732,0.13449987856134513,0.0,0.053492644098205235,0.178749694801688,0.049812376808685006,0.0,0.06339315929472084,0.09982900318148548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036298620321782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053073107424766106,0.0,0.061950739238385524,0.0,0.04433561014460897,0.0,0.10004582669003977,0.0,0.0,0.06548300222800764,0.0,0.20554793255590745,0.07108103862567655,0.0,0.0651050291726968,0.0,0.10069235631764913,0.0,0.0,0.07163219185960694,0.14545545695727666,0.0,0.040136001989717215,0.061541671531005065,0.0,0.07304962650656008,0.0,0.0,0.059853443614047236,0.0,0.12758159142140574,0.0681323281593993,0.12237675603366095,0.13041706163702185,0.0,0.10819851300122947,0.0,0.0,0.11083682424981113,0.049719253710667134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613239875228977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038094840411085,0.0,0.0,0.06361208928221805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134767855363186
bpd,Astaroth_Ichor,2019/10/09,"DAE feel like you're disconnected from everything and everyone, including yourself? I'm a medical student who's trying to get some urgent work done, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to concentrate on anything. It's not that I'm distracted or anything. I've just lost focus in general. My mind always runs blank. Also as soon as I start studying I get sleepy, and as of now I sleep for the most part of the day. It's really frustrating and annoying as I can't get anything done, including basic everyday chores and stuff. 

I don't feel depressed or anxious. In fact, I don't ""feel"" anything. My mind's blank almost all of the time. I feel some sort of an empty feeling from time to time but not intensely. I can't seem to connect with anyone (I live with my parents, my sister, my grandma, and my aunt's family with 2 babies, so the house is pretty crouded). When people try to talk with me, the best I could do with the conversation is give simple and short answers, and most of the time can't even hold the conversation going for longer than a few minutes. 

Even writing this post took me a while as I was so distracted staring into a void. How can I get over this? Any tips/help are greatly appreciated.",3.948095896726607,5.3135798838174315,5.299716459197786,80.91332757030892,71.73858921161826,8.509082526509912,28.326648224988475,8.998388855275968,2.3028338404794835,956,36,186,19,18,320,138,241,0.086,0.789,0.125,0.8532,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,3,11,9,2,2,13,0,15,2,1,2,2,45,33,23,0,1,7,3,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,13,0,1,8,0,0,3,9,6,0,0,5,7,22,3,30,27,8,21,0,2,1,0,9,6,0,10,12,121,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654113033332385,0.0,0.0,0.09307173640227392,0.09684028447602197,0.0,0.0,0.07914468039710587,0.0,0.0,0.131480077304616,0.0,0.08137795613251829,0.0,0.3830943775677526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213716320033058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292264820948576,0.0,0.0,0.07505764344679508,0.0,0.10024082330866473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23820118340894916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374023230125902,0.0,0.0,0.1112092945014681,0.1045978656600282,0.0,0.10971588038877284,0.0,0.29423463597960753,0.08314430051469944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24322202248020314,0.11164553042640148,0.06614334942272512,0.0,0.0,0.12831307279459378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042566366527852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800931752711159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342907793867919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685903428005335,0.0,0.10276864514912233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704619308252166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724399792559928,0.0,0.0,0.2350280466507727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922995581694405,0.12603184479581342,0.0,0.08068557252436004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114630940848781,0.11840372463726626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455816495490232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190209220890927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646741750123606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237674606105587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332311105387467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354454173082966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714563085049858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930620284265593,0.2370499994092101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472847716824021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wishmybrainwasnormal,2019/10/09,"I hate the stigma of BPD So I know some women with autism get misdiagnosed with BPD, but I definitely have BPD.

I also suspect autism traits. I have a sibling and parent on the spectrum. I can’t read people, especially facial expressions. They often seem blank to me. When I can tell there’s a difference, I often have trouble identifying the emotion. I also often have trouble telling how I caused offense (although it may be painfully obvious later). I have trouble detecting sarcasm. And while most people can pick up on social cues and body language, etc, naturally, it has to get spelled out to me. I don’t understand social norms, etc.

I would really like help for this as it’s contributing to social isolation, but I’m afraid to seek help due to the stigma of BPD. With the help of DBT, I eliminated behaviors to the point where it got taken off my chart, and I don’t want it going back on because it could affect treatment down the line (including if I have physical symptoms).

It drives me crazy. I really wish there wasn’t a stigma. And I wish mental health professionals acknowledged that people with personality disorders who want to get better can get better.  But they assume our desire to get better is only for ourselves and not for others. 

I fucking hate the stigma. Hopefully we will one day view personality disorders in a different light.",5.552667368421052,7.422077252,6.533578947368423,71.65573684210528,68.48,9.423157894736844,30.35789473684211,9.811843763644266,3.253079999999999,1083,43,177,26,19,360,144,250,0.132,0.695,0.17300000000000001,0.9139,2,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,2,3,12,14,4,1,12,0,20,6,2,4,1,42,40,18,0,9,5,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,11,12,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,9,0,1,3,2,27,5,28,32,4,18,0,0,1,1,18,10,1,10,7,128,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509262664475668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256035713792744,0.0,0.0575236293265648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503727862036791,0.0,0.10481751523762488,0.4753943604949617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693817696681974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534225160505184,0.0,0.0,0.06085719645766001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971813138164575,0.21629943120452666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614718790375176,0.0,0.0,0.2104823792559729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872383171026573,0.2465073796148331,0.0,0.05362943233142919,0.0,0.0754717876637235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186330510284954,0.0,0.10030488688363233,0.0,0.0,0.18975129557487289,0.0,0.0,0.0937250873855107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186017659738448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046101652818701495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509706581072913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394372286595547,0.07176833718255803,0.10041031708621607,0.0,0.10478043871629572,0.0,0.0,0.19626106734463786,0.1647906138573799,0.0,0.0,0.08920480800991909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438988210764099,0.0,0.12090443248193553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590575631706314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28857770080758965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808068672344453,0.0,0.0,0.16495719496941336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823661188970977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131707206859087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702868123875213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703372379358204,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sharrifj,2019/10/09,"How to stop overthing I have been diagnosed with BPD and having a insite has helped alot.

I have learnt alot of DBT skills to help with overthing, but when it comes to my FP everything goes our the window. 

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks for reading x",4.688469387755101,6.743275346938777,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,71.04081632653063,7.348979591836735,24.494897959183675,8.07648339933343,1.3434040816326531,208,6,39,3,4,62,41,49,0.032,0.852,0.11599999999999999,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,9,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,7,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,26,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263956514646992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863975086770285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938214467474578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693542947463285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173732344177108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736366661931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28102513722464395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191783269098773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127740925765325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614224018761077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878824568385551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,addsomethingepic,2019/10/09,"My girlfriend has BPD, and her meds run out in two days. Advice for how I can help her from my perspective. As the title says, we will be out of medicine, and not able to afford it for a bit. We've been friends for two years and together for a few months. I want to do what I can to help reassure her from my position. 
    We have been through this a few other times before we started dating, and each time we get better, I'm seeking advice on how I can help reduce the strain for her, and help her feel more secure while we work to get her next prescription. As well as any advice for moving into the future.",5.208171428571426,4.65054808,5.723085714285716,85.83640000000003,68.2,8.742857142857144,26.65714285714286,7.957251820313856,1.3315942857142855,470,11,103,5,7,152,77,125,0.009000000000000001,0.799,0.192,0.9686,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,5,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,6,0,10,0,0,2,0,19,16,11,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,4,14,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,2,2,18,5,22,12,5,17,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,0,10,76,22,1,0.16567393119800525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856839443860021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266395441582035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097631298788724,0.0,0.0,0.14652512879542293,0.1808730236962409,0.0,0.2086605166529828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684597976035093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376971755836213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279992682716234,0.0,0.17311558222323226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441909753017407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402638904671229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223935126074635,0.17608516973886915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761961053588491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175055975334293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726486122099225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19321160319203806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32367871483341804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977187770841285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896076078627676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061259507914515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066885798583148
bpd,iseekdeadpeople,2019/10/09,What does BPD feel like to you? Need more than just webMD symptoms. I've been reading about BPD and it sounds exactly like me. I just need to know: what does BPD feel like to you? I just want to make sure I at least feel similar before I bring it up to my therapist. Thanks!,0.15932330827067887,2.4345898947368454,1.4558897243107791,99.12789473684214,88.64912280701756,5.3624060150375925,16.914786967418543,6.868970318607317,-0.2257949874686717,212,5,50,3,7,67,36,57,0.0,0.758,0.242,0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,14,11,1,0,3,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,5,9,10,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,28,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480964878131533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6575974858465728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046097585765573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640018175938365,0.24867054808564534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564865041167783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550836400784016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617404491900635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580991166598409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408858643509847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403204306086416,0.18089574567744865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023401924897024,0.0,0.20207558220536992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265417908041974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,april_eleven,2019/10/09,"Borderline anthem? I heard the song “you say” by Lauren Daigle on the radio recently, and I was like HOLY SHIT I can’t believe someone made a song about borderline personality disorder! Every word, every line, was so relatable to how I’ve experienced the “favorite person” bond, the lack of understanding of myself, and total alignment with whatever that person says about me/to me. 

Looking up the lyrics, I was blown away, I couldn’t believe a singer would be so raw with these extreme emotions, I was 100% convinced like — wow she must have bpd, how crazy someone else feels like I do and decided to write a song about it, I really felt “seen” and maybe even understood for a second? Idk if that makes sense, but I always relate to music on an intense emotional level, and these lyrics were just so much of what I experience and had never heard them put to music in such a vulnerable way before. 

WELL, I looked it up, lo and behold it’s actually a *religious* song describing how she feels about *god*! So I guess maybe that will make a good metaphor to use as my new way to express my disorder to anyone if I ever open up again bahahaha fml",4.842402073732718,6.349932027649771,5.849605414746544,77.28012240783411,69.7373271889401,9.111635944700463,28.309043778801843,9.516144504307137,2.6022813364055297,898,32,165,20,16,297,137,217,0.07,0.82,0.11,0.8140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,0,17,8,1,0,13,0,14,1,1,7,4,37,29,18,0,6,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,8,0,3,9,10,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,1,1,1,12,15,21,7,26,12,3,17,0,0,3,0,13,9,1,3,8,111,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.12014945278980957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244748762383538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860898664109506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156773080189013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047678768921262,0.2774329903428958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550680313424387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822172895989217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285275333286847,0.2769916823351993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132101548022942,0.11137102889183413,0.20747143449986824,0.0,0.0,0.1204370829497288,0.0,0.0,0.12450851168446625,0.0879584848811673,0.11821656718579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032690136088314,0.0,0.0,0.1356329234646348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045378250054514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067831851373796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650115042514182,0.16436997549179952,0.0,0.2473854864839427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090508943079646,0.0,0.09495938834709501,0.11891213471791012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225165235191727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377176213794208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887519871303665,0.0,0.12156826447226045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958233426901004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638311237484115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086419875683673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281744949235673,0.0,0.10633800195569497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545725543420506,0.0,0.0,0.1107015945945118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746243915389253,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Briinykole96,2019/10/09,"Midnight Souls  Hi, my name is Brii. I run a support chat for people. If you would ever like someone to talk to or just have a good group. We welcome you. I am always available to talk.

[https://discord.gg/mxd3TKc](https://discord.gg/mxd3TKc)

Midnight Souls is a server/chatroom. It’s dedicated to supporting others. It’s a community that’s more like a growing family. We have many interesting things like venting/support channels, voice channels, NSFW, music, gaming, member polls. Come check us out!",5.875365853658536,9.560013121951222,5.308000000000003,71.61200000000002,76.3170731707317,6.694634146341463,28.931707317073172,7.908726449838941,2.643479024390244,404,17,55,7,10,123,60,82,0.0,0.69,0.31,0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,3,2,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,10,9,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,8,6,8,1,5,2,0,0,0,13,1,0,2,4,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671325352820386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302406196012005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169037472160274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893539795891124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684727704001179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29439177934054817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364164049951844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925180382982116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018896781843468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.683804426506283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322889105620939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344319720575706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416111855642589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268597050827164,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweetrthancheesecake,2019/10/09,"My friend who has BPD thinks I do too? So, a few months back my friend who has BPD said that she thought I did too. I didn’t think much of it at the time because I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder so I didn’t take it very serious tbh.

Well, for awhile, my meds were working pretty well, but lately I’ve just been feeling awful all around. Extremely blah to the point that I have to come home and shed a few tears because I feel so empty.

I have had a lot of life changes this whole year and the past few months too. 

I went from psychotic depression to mania to stabilization to whatever I’m feeling now..


Big events: Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, being in a short term/emotionally manipulative relationship (started relationship while manic), my mom is in another state for an internship so I’m living with my dad (me & my mom are close and shes been the only person to understand my mental problems), being broken up with when I didn’t want it to end, I *thought* I was in love for the first time, and changing jobs multiple times..

So yeah, kind of a lot.

But anyway these are the symptoms she said I have:

Short/intense relationships (this is only true for my most recent one, my other ones have been 1-3 years)

Black and white thinking/judgement (I didn’t know what this was, but oh my do I ever have it!)

Problems controlling impulse (not sure what all this applies to, but this was mainly during mania for me, I think)

Self harm (not currently doing)

Suicide attempt (had multiple in past)


I know there are more symptoms since I googled them afterwards and I also have fear of abandonment, chronic feelings of emptiness.


I don’t have any anger issues though or barely any, I guess as everyone has some anger.

I’ve dated two narcissists and was just reading up on how borderlines and narcissists seem to like attract each other..

I don’t know, I’m not really ready to accept this diagnosis since it’s not like you can just take medication for it like you can bipolar disorder or depression. I see my therapist and psychiatrist this Thursday so I guess I will be bringing up my concerns then.",4.796204620462046,6.336553603960401,5.492693069306932,79.66831353135316,69.89108910891089,8.852013201320133,30.05082508250825,9.2995712137729,2.6867009240924093,1672,67,311,35,30,542,210,404,0.172,0.722,0.106,-0.9896,2,0,0,0,0,2,59.0,0,2,1,4,25,23,2,1,12,2,44,11,0,3,5,64,74,28,1,3,14,3,4,4,2,1,10,2,1,2,22,17,0,2,15,1,0,3,10,10,2,4,21,9,45,13,37,48,14,43,0,3,3,1,21,14,0,9,28,222,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512924812065463,0.0,0.08824252220728022,0.0,0.11076689285635982,0.085399182483602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250076931804927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062623976793346,0.0,0.09929274248659592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514704291444727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723099657583439,0.0701551902770674,0.0,0.0,0.0913442826328247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029198778178628,0.16532411091044102,0.0,0.0,0.2800192369729794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161144313730094,0.07213356072405366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366907622966128,0.0,0.07782145272979035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164504721142767,0.16471836760048378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927464075075071,0.0,0.0,0.12584398717274625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794353931608621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169310453198067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500443246133732,0.08081875497175747,0.0,0.0,0.08480945379485792,0.13427540700606014,0.0,0.0918702787323808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752499041080336,0.11936554408485042,0.0,0.07191489970715932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384783862039738,0.07350470901716764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904638552053949,0.08204438561831011,0.08207451943939678,0.0,0.0,0.19076809479935566,0.13001267466994554,0.0,0.05986934208604945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037460053361924,0.12388083133808896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549147167177935,0.0,0.07111213329855287,0.0,0.0,0.07698914458275256,0.0,0.0,0.08285593305124768,0.0,0.15585825361860134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146417713186592,0.0,0.052173918876728835,0.0,0.08041428575839646,0.2623151311673501,0.0,0.0,0.1549402460914746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648988394238921,0.07414186343912835,0.08496191152552032,0.0,0.0,0.13473955586473782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764516426763031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908448008579586,0.0,0.0767582509850169,0.1692991294838566,0.1224687039518754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456059905995226,0.0,0.15655450010928848,0.08001648681811828,0.1293119203694975,0.14246869635688544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955713455945179,0.08478413759105488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719829294018502,0.04803668292781075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464525252585882,0.07549767761213172,0.0,0.0909272383122144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059290846240628574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489213302905083
bpd,pull94,2019/10/09,"Problems with police Hey there,
has anyone else experienced problems with police because of their issue?
I've had a couple of times where I got so drunk and drugged out that I became a threat to other people hell I even beat up my own dad when he reacted dumb to my state of drunkenness.
I don't want to be like that but when I am drunk or whatever I don't feel pain anymore and I can do and say stuff I try but can't soberly. 
For example the police had to beat me down with 20 officers and even a dog unit and firefighters who cleared my room off the pepperspray they used. I didn't even feel it when they pumped in triple the dose of pepperspray it would take to take down a normal aggressor.
But all this just makes it worse and I'm trying to stop drinking but when I feel so bad I just can't imagine any other cure than shooting myself to unconsciousness with drugs.",3.3588861985472183,4.913290203389835,4.140714285714289,87.89402542372883,73.51977401129943,7.543018563357546,24.50726392251816,8.192908349453996,1.3014280871670705,694,21,145,11,14,222,108,177,0.18600000000000005,0.7759999999999999,0.038,-0.9768,0,0,3,1,1,0,7.0,0,0,3,2,13,8,3,0,7,0,13,7,0,3,2,33,23,17,0,5,7,1,3,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,10,11,3,1,4,3,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,5,19,1,23,17,3,15,1,0,0,0,8,8,2,1,7,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119264949685085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322854428985342,0.11508479599529575,0.1686413794075891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374253464852282,0.10033222342660753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821151364890692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123503709185438,0.3817431017316079,0.0,0.1374933964743847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32612941105047605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24966416950547246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163724804799948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178866242140906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041010946445568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986476042910516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126275130696466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513481826812194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410562632721488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149798209482103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308881659603812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760418070873456,0.0,0.0,0.18841558457931595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750162116481736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597345328708984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349091506033053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215247126997355,0.0,0.0,0.09707914362093158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773074821831088,0.11691964904706074,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gummybearsbeetsbsg,2019/10/09,"Right now I'm not okay I don't have my life together. I'm still needy and moody and horrible sometimes. Other times I feel confident and happy and am convinced that maybe nothing was ever really wrong with me. Then I second guess myself when I start having another episode of sadness.  
  
What's wrong with me? Why can't I be normal?  
  
I am a roller coaster of doom and gloom, hope and laughter, darkness and sadness. It comes and goes less and less frequently but more and more intensely. Just when I think the nightmare is over, I realize I'm still asleep.  
  
My thoughts vary. When I'm feeling the closest I've felt to being a successful and happy person, I am self-confident and have high self-esteem, but never in a cocky way. I show up for myself and make myself proud. I go to work and take care of my daughter the way a mother is supposed to and my relationships feel like they are on solid ground. I take care of my body and soul and I feel whole.  
  
But then when I start sliding backwards, I second-guess myself. I start feeling the pain and sadness and fear that once consumed my entire life. I feel it pulling at me in the shadows, waiting for me to stumble and fall and be once again the awful shameful person I used to be.  
  
But why? Why am I this way? Why can't I stay the happy, bubbly person I am when I'm not this stupid messy broken shell of a human being? Why is it getting harder and harder to stay on solid ground?  
  
My feet are slipping. The ground is coming out from beneath me. How do I make it stop? I wish I could lock the demons on my back in the closet with the skeletons and destroy the key.",2.6723809523809514,4.5083577901234575,3.7092768959435642,89.07888888888891,76.03703703703705,5.9865961199294535,23.917107583774253,6.7097532225279775,0.7544033509700179,1260,40,254,11,28,406,158,324,0.14800000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.184,0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,3,13,24,2,2,17,2,25,6,3,4,2,59,57,35,0,4,7,2,7,1,0,0,3,0,1,4,10,29,0,2,10,2,0,6,6,13,0,1,3,7,42,11,28,48,5,49,3,5,0,0,8,18,0,2,21,173,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595702586123384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036613684031781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164784065840224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660266661506295,0.0,0.0,0.157656858343087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730639070067036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277673447635389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297506263610366,0.27762358256816144,0.0653753154693592,0.08786469416699222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781060262190701,0.0,0.0520076819209782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016188698909812,0.0,0.0,0.2922447627453646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966861573746618,0.0,0.09089084707512188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292735324152922,0.044707541952132016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216830492231448,0.0,0.09193487270317574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057875062713723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966112927080762,0.08780705603328566,0.0,0.0,0.19491197615553602,0.0,0.0,0.09737391588133787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397110352415964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862414530604557,0.0,0.0,0.0982483246841057,0.0,0.07814970127537664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093139077858648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050649574136532,0.0,0.1943153912322124,0.19507661908945875,0.1461612451858037,0.07650710492495844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760942728647807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586364091504978,0.0,0.0726493329689912,0.05336066842466145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903592738809619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791097957262867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128712012327883,0.10216851150643146,0.10523287429037004,0.0,0.0,0.06662093360365466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010533226573515,0.0,0.0
bpd,weblen,2019/10/09,"Do you need someone to talk through things with? If so, I am here to help. 

Send me a DM and I'll chat with you via text, phone, or video for \~20 minutes and we can talk through what has been going on lately.

I don't have BPD specifically, and I am not a licensed therapist, but I know from experience that dealing with mental health issues can be extremely isolating, and it benefited me to have a neutral third party that I could talk to (even if only once).

Please reach out if you are thinking about it, and to everyone else I wish you a fantastic rest of your day!",5.0570676691729295,5.282905508771936,5.770200501253133,82.69973684210527,68.47368421052633,9.321303258145363,30.32080200501253,9.23628265651192,2.3299012531328325,444,16,94,8,7,145,80,114,0.0,0.84,0.16,0.9534,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,13,1,0,0,0,21,18,11,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,14,1,16,15,1,6,0,0,0,0,14,2,0,4,2,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247908246617717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715765304571572,0.0,0.0,0.12694303611158067,0.20292943273509326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443135001983944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300084239565535,0.0,0.0,0.18808538130897146,0.0,0.19254352946472536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186652296460313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092276282673594,0.0,0.0,0.1319351255532488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054458061578056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817600306538763,0.0,0.22203975639389076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983645478594385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595151481384624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096240810137355,0.0,0.14970276563712515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606698937716065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677863535484794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746283360492991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854194707403014,0.1307691950462216,0.12612466021390115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263518640634975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ClearlyClarity,2019/10/05,Why's it always gotta be me who messages other people first? Makes me feel like shit cause I feel like if I just went completely radio silence absolutely no one would give a fuck. My massive fear of abandonment just goes up to fucking a billion when days go by and I get zero text messages from anyone,2.5669999999999997,4.955867033333334,3.846666666666668,85.295,78.66666666666666,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.2574999999999998,242,9,45,3,6,79,52,60,0.24100000000000002,0.685,0.07400000000000001,-0.9041,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,3,1,2,0,2,3,1,2,0,10,12,3,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,5,0,4,1,2,6,2,5,8,0,6,0,1,0,2,4,1,3,1,5,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934140079797326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591095719263626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337584724855433,0.0,0.0,0.2385838266994099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146752143776796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560591387867963,0.2301141449185018,0.3251262305351609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355552089442365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207361100901802,0.1188864703632724,0.2182885070830387,0.12932298269187245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223407181599292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189265315621575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541950493591487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775582866788734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335787444795539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109428812357582,0.20533018676790196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164633346023236,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Morningafterpancakes,2019/10/05,"Parents with BPD, I need you Im on mobile, apologies. You can skip to the last paragraph if you dont wanna read my novella.

I have had BPD symptoms since I was in my teens, I think puberty is when I began to show the first signs.. I was never diagnosed because I had a terrible therapist (when I was 11) who scared me away from seeking help. I managed my depression and anxiety with medication (quit meds in 2012), but everything else went and has gone completely unmanaged. 

I am 28 now, gave birth to my daughter 7 months ago and at first I thought it was just the baby blues...then maybe PPD... but then I found this subreddit and realized this is me. 

Things began escalating and getting to a point I am at my lowest point in mental health in my life. I had no idea how violent I could be, how angry and rage driven I can become. I have a whole list of symptoms I experience, but what pushed me to actually seek help is my rage. I met with a therapist yesterday for the first time since I was a child. I felt SO GOOD! She said she won't diagnose me off of one meeting, but she said she is confident that she could diagnose me with BPD and PTSD. She said after a few more meetings she will give me an official diagnosis. 


I cant be this way, I have a baby. I cant let her grow up suffering like I did. When I am in my rage I am not thinking straight, it isnt me anymore. It is someone else entirely. I become very violent to myself ONLY. I have ZERO intentions on hurting my baby. But I need advice. I am a stay at home mom, I have no friends because I isolate myself by splitting everyone I know, except my husband.

 I experience rage over the smallest things... these things will get a huge reaction, but I usually can calm down after 10 to 20 minutes.

examples:

The dog walked in front of me and stopped walking so I trip, but dont fall.

My radio was on AM not FM.

If I'm late for anything (which happens a lot more with a child).

But then there are things that trigger my rage that turn me into someone else, when these happen I am stuck in this mindless existence of sheer hate. It doesnt feel like it is me anymore, I can hear my inner monologue saying to stop stop stop, calm down. But I cant. I feel like I cant control my body from my actions. The only way I can stop is by stabbing myself. I dont want to do it, but it is all I have to break my *psychosis* (I'm not sure that's the right word). I dont do it deep or anything that would need stitches. Just enough to calm me down. 

My biggest trigger is my baby. I am crying just typing that sentence. But she is the worst sleeper, I am awake every 2 hours or less... she is teething right now and last night I had a breakdown. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep. My husband is out of town, normally he helps her and also manages to bring me down from my peak, but he cant right now. 

Last night I felt like I wasn't even human how dark and empty I had become. I am afraid of tonight. I'm afraid of becoming THAT in front of her. I dont want to scar her. But she is already at the point that she is completely fine watching me freak out. That isnt okay. She shouldn't see her mother break down on the floor, slamming her fists into walls and doors. She shouldn't see me hurt myself. But she has and she doesnt react badly anymore because it is so normal for her now. 

I dont want to be this way...for her. 

Maybe this was more of a venting post. But I need to know there are other parents with BPD that got through the first few years of childhood okay. I need to know that I can do this and not mess her up. I dont want her to suffer because of me. I need to know that I am not alone.


Thank you in advance",1.5912876331634995,3.303507125984257,3.3212389995368237,91.20984830940252,78.79002624671917,6.37211672070403,23.93554114559209,7.285733465282438,0.8731642118264626,2818,97,627,36,68,939,301,762,0.163,0.7559999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9962,3,1,0,0,0,2,102.0,0,4,0,8,22,35,8,3,26,2,87,11,3,8,3,103,137,46,0,20,28,7,4,4,1,6,8,5,2,3,38,24,0,6,14,3,0,14,28,21,0,6,31,12,130,14,80,94,11,106,0,5,3,0,57,45,0,5,45,442,168,4,0.0,0.0,0.04985990435890564,0.0,0.0,0.04992799557645807,0.045291321917438176,0.0,0.0,0.05291747683733568,0.05638296889975481,0.040859468802421736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03908640229848279,0.0,0.1520131252675708,0.0,0.0,0.08409122561632111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800404313457905,0.0,0.04266095431017678,0.1245845401568927,0.22571511073653705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675338156313541,0.25740199500978617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107141165461879,0.0,0.057305726293681365,0.08158803504306669,0.0,0.05612383161635197,0.0,0.0,0.04400677317340121,0.15557653927278398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191685674107623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280462372108752,0.0,0.0,0.05279326343762314,0.0,0.033746787522258424,0.0,0.04304849352691247,0.04882204710979316,0.045919560480354435,0.09995853160720136,0.0,0.0,0.051668836938587384,0.07300244057542993,0.0981155818301254,0.0,0.0,0.17384048514182804,0.0,0.05602140653791193,0.03947472615015893,0.0,0.05338850989433662,0.04901355925788795,0.0,0.042854819745059766,0.08172830948760608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036366048583032,0.0,0.0,0.05044427223390142,0.0,0.054310021612785885,0.057586109442738176,0.0,0.10274072663758813,0.0,0.051250965615536936,0.0,0.10063364870860084,0.0,0.1093933379767136,0.05767836399264361,0.055189768370862535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231864764931776,0.12494411239833893,0.0576357150750687,0.0,0.0,0.05224658501982636,0.03608886358853002,0.0998468504878956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043437882857399295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399092225724495,0.0,0.05675338156313541,0.05147134522994869,0.05149024997640465,0.0,0.0,0.059840112106865864,0.04078235952267472,0.0,0.0,0.2273111822640325,0.03940647178184988,0.0,0.0,0.09589561309944414,0.10012160116590003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03462229088479955,0.07771784734716572,0.0,0.0,0.11346661300522938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448996714368563,0.0,0.04893346778981129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059725589686821325,0.0,0.0,0.05434424683861384,0.05110734577908988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090075854434433,0.14580491102137697,0.040631617169536186,0.051153526002811284,0.0,0.08142983932016087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453017404881538,0.0,0.05113041827566158,0.0,0.08658274593734219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445889320185633,0.0,0.21358234911693064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815503712925764,0.10621145950599482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047040047799936834,0.0,0.11864702752504605,0.13577705522086386,0.06547732800726735,0.0,0.040562547001391835,0.0297930418979189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557507695877008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056272292902607435,0.04215750424262522,0.12054512552177032,0.12166697187442635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047364204133502064,0.0,0.05704408947306836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036295370057478536,0.0,0.0,0.0329025511639585
bpd,elergytothevoid,2019/10/05,"how can i get better? tw - suicide, death

since my dad’s death, just over a year ago, my life has been complete turmoil. i’ve seen countless therapists and none have helped. recently i was diagnosed with bpd, and in some ways it was a relief because it was finally a diagnosis that made sense, but now i’m stuck feeling trapped and as though i can’t get better. i’ve started dbt and my first session overran to 1 hour 20 mins even though it was meant to be 50 minutes. afterwards my mind felt so clear, and as though something had been lifted from it, and everything around me was so clear as well (i suffer badly from disassociation). however despite feeling better than i had in months, when i got home i ended up feeling suicidal again. my home is my main trigger as it is where my dad died and due to my recently deteriorating relationship with my mum. i’m just so frightened that despite all the dbt in the world, i’ll be back to square one whenever i walk through my front door.

in relation to what i just said, is there anything i can do to help me cope? i’m aware that dbt is a great start, but i need more support because otherwise i’m honestly not sure how much longer i’ll be here. i’m not expecting a quick fix, but i need at least something that can help me enough to keep me alive until the dbt starts to have a long term effect. 

tldr - need coping mechanisms for bpd, specifically surrounding triggers",5.7050677105374525,6.057359701438853,6.1955607278882825,79.76985823106223,67.09352517985612,9.562759204401186,32.53999153618282,9.478462496947786,2.7973052898857387,1119,45,223,21,17,363,161,278,0.138,0.693,0.168,0.8171,1,1,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,5,22,12,0,1,9,0,24,2,0,6,4,40,49,24,5,4,8,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,10,10,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,3,1,2,16,7,26,9,28,30,9,37,0,1,2,0,8,11,0,1,23,140,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626520942185338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893665618686512,0.09667487740931673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350484189791096,0.0906744499154062,0.13240016344401448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28813722467952657,0.0,0.0,0.2735497210744859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386250493737653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022426593128734,0.11270715107020522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618522955947884,0.11221033844298377,0.0,0.07172768271297014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760050974574906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473061056410587,0.0,0.10427071492461157,0.11896334952414354,0.0,0.09237305293650193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347551513439487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685541175923643,0.11972922423197735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837202243621867,0.0,0.21786447068361192,0.0,0.10694674893214776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652652603570216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767056880671203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961054480764623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275766361306883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965260625977157,0.0,0.08668155871723475,0.0,0.0798317226311745,0.2415712065598934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358853620490828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144540338198969,0.11659316807598408,0.0,0.0,0.10330117485342083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983304706924307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720745779109658,0.0,0.0,0.23059779535714706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375762704968426,0.1232352560038793,0.10235194155771107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609016990936395,0.0,0.0,0.32008973670049023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619971060949833,0.0,0.0,0.09764227372228816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993328620625228
bpd,imgunnadieue,2019/10/05,"I don't know how to help my friend with BPD (fwiw, I have bpd myself)

- they have been isolated for a long time.

- they live in a place that's very religious, very fast relationships are the norm

- it became pretty obvious to me, that the person they were dating didn't want the same things as my friend, but my friend fell hard, for example, they were only living near my friend in a temporary capacity, and they decided to go back to where they used to live. After knowing them for 6 weeks, my friend said they would move with them! Within 6 weeks, they said they would marry the person they were dating. This seemed insane to me, and  screamed 'unhealthy attachment' to me. Their therapist didn't see an issue with this??

- now, the relationship has broken down. It is obvious to me, that my friend never really loved the person in front of them, but the image they had created of them.

- they keep trying to contact their ex. The ex is very flippant about their contact. They will go awhile with not replying, but then they will reply.  I think that continuing contact is a really bad idea, but I can not get through to them. When they do stop contacting them I try to support them, but I get things like this in reply:

' Us not being together feels wrong. There is no future I want without him in it. I literally just can't take anymore.' 



At this point, I don't know what to do. I have tried to be calm, having a unconditional regard, be validating, and all that, but this is getting ridiculous. I feel like that by being validating is enabling them at this point. 

But I don't want to possibly hurt them.",5.407182410423451,6.193294693811076,5.847965798045603,80.47559690553747,67.8599348534202,9.267035830618893,27.076384364820854,9.3871,2.115526514657981,1249,36,245,24,20,402,154,307,0.142,0.713,0.145,0.2243,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,27,1,8,16,1,0,14,0,34,1,0,2,4,42,57,14,0,5,12,2,3,2,6,4,0,3,0,3,18,7,0,2,9,0,0,5,12,5,0,0,9,7,52,11,39,40,2,35,0,1,1,1,50,14,0,1,18,182,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948030265716007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350547086813403,0.07981654698405828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407932354151291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666985227605696,0.06829198763082686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431316249803701,0.0,0.1498309136760326,0.0,0.10865593366413884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563296457662617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407428187707097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233477709942423,0.1079133817802159,0.0,0.09977473731136473,0.0,0.08496786038100368,0.0,0.0,0.1576069985232799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340427285373984,0.0,0.2532323322193289,0.0845972048242402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627683076023003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160072065899962,0.0,0.0,0.07372757026444854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270313468825934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504055687710514,0.09987482070219868,0.0,0.18073343834310368,0.10776726408334963,0.0,0.09725291629511576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247923783969175,0.0,0.0,0.20526320449562108,0.0,0.0,0.18186254416516898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617561188090312,0.08702469664483338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799204137784155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084783266962488,0.0,0.0,0.0718743859105193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099137607327997,0.12701609566206915,0.06125242990680056,0.0,0.0,0.05574131584477925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470505527530704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149871634570364,0.0825620578168921,0.0,0.23662385001847755,0.16915050009697696,0.0,0.15335861659296393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921486851325273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581370395202078,0.10451644307826717,0.0,0.0
bpd,Szsas,2019/10/05,"Splitting, Borderline Rage Can you please define splitting and borderline anger? - In context of a romantic relationship. 
Can you describe or explain what 'you' feel ? As everyone is different.",6.644137931034478,10.524730655172416,6.203034482758625,60.92041379310348,87.27586206896551,10.595862068965518,43.731034482758616,9.3871,7.100966896551722,155,11,17,6,5,48,24,29,0.209,0.655,0.136,-0.5661,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861883819083191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446588276228637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352933338301237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108110663136758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996083324975895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DinkiTheDemon,2019/10/05,"HAE been called “creepy” and “weird” ever since they were a child or am I just creepy and weird Out of all the things that people have used to insult me, “creepy” and “weird” are the ones that hurt the most, I was wondering if anyone else feels the same or if I really am just a creepy weirdo.",25.95203389830508,6.02121877966102,20.820000000000004,50.87881355932206,56.11864406779661,24.955932203389825,60.69491525423729,11.20814326018867,6.928105084745762,224,1,53,2,1,67,41,59,0.233,0.767,0.0,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,6,0,7,0,0,1,2,17,10,7,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,1,5,0,3,7,3,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,6,1,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222612802909144,0.3256941855176834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245796204602849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26553862365270386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875305596439727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607240338950375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340285162248928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539614914523397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203702268101524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036349152346912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629443851256673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111779296621722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27453661439581684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447151922434308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mybusydizzybrain,2019/10/05,You’re the scum between my toes I’m so fed up with you acting like I’m the only villain in the story. Like I’m the only one with a mental illness. Like you didn’t fucking contribute to it you fucking psychopath! Like I’m the only one who ever messes up. You lie every time I give you a chance to be honest. You manipulate and twist your words and you think you’re pulling one over on everyone. You’re pathetic. You’re a deadbeat. I’ve just given up caring about what you think of me. I know who I am. I know how hard I’m trying to be a better person. I know what a good parent I am. I know what a creative independent hard worker I am. What about you?  Wtf do you know? I hope you choke on a cough drop you piece of shit.,-1.1310033444816057,0.9441262564102572,1.6539353400222971,95.28526755852845,97.33333333333334,3.995094760312152,15.756967670011148,5.7926816847441245,-0.5979350055741359,560,14,126,5,23,193,80,156,0.156,0.6579999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.6062,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,13,0,2,6,14,4,0,12,0,7,7,2,3,1,18,26,4,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,5,0,3,3,2,24,9,17,21,1,12,0,0,0,2,18,7,3,1,6,77,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860104744097998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597806552616045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417570403999793,0.1320385418671296,0.14974721257819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897596574472833,0.0,0.1503346195397941,0.0,0.13144450473229385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807704302328011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565264276639193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306303555905028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062507295453921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579311369632054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185809604466608,0.3575648205095711,0.0,0.0,0.17401266460632528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368368665504308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086495873352827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008323685015935,0.0,0.0,0.09138135827048656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639871068427104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,seyserKoze7,2019/10/05,"A couple questions about getting help Hello all,

Although I've been experiencing symptoms for about 13 years now, I am newly self-aware and finally starting to be pro-active with my disorder. After doing years of research and having an initial consultation with a general, mental health professional at my school, I've been thinking about finding a specialist. I feel like along with BPD, I might have anxiety and/or depression disorders. Does anyone know what type of professional would be best at the beginning stages? Such as a psychiatrist versus psychologist or DBT therapist? 

Also, has anyone here gone through DBT and would be able to tell me what a session looks like? What type of things do you do or talk about?  

Thanks so much for your insight!",6.9715909090909065,9.174318431818186,6.721636363636367,70.38245454545456,65.43939393939394,9.825454545454548,33.654545454545456,10.125756701596842,3.8552218181818176,611,27,94,15,10,192,96,132,0.059000000000000004,0.823,0.11800000000000001,0.8382,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,9,5,0,0,7,0,15,2,0,0,1,21,24,9,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,8,4,20,15,3,11,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,4,9,68,12,8,0.16388049453419826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105517227060645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253681297580227,0.0,0.0,0.22917810437920386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198246839060186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640174595714456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133065014526728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115002980586394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756424893527926,0.0,0.14341292513804108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286290209439894,0.11707625804010235,0.0,0.17952307134692566,0.14978380305877154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856207944761455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419730229244074,0.0,0.0,0.10984564103370772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006443395080574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601274634117743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376183410514928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515299338679465,0.17385130688097972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047101981401187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358365969139745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585580963064758,0.0,0.0,0.1709630968069768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159954575195818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033458254168096,0.0,0.1317209338237864,0.1432387755480783,0.1508791413282615,0.0,0.1902778852422169,0.10887491861685243,0.10500800369317112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328320027120044,0.0,0.0,0.21106733089390767
bpd,Betard11882,2019/10/05,"Need clarification I am a very anti-social person, I always am thinking people are judging me, and I feel like my friends turn against me sometimes or don’t wanna be my friend, i love nothing more than to be with my friends, but when lm with them it’s hard to even spark up conversation. I get angry really easily, sad really easily, and i feel like I experience more emotions than others. Is this BPD or another disorder like straight anxiety?",4.419285714285714,6.5129614047619055,6.087619047619048,72.79071428571429,71.85714285714286,9.561904761904762,29.857142857142854,9.957137785484203,3.3764000000000003,354,15,61,10,7,121,61,84,0.159,0.5589999999999999,0.28300000000000003,0.8629,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,14,6,0,2,3,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,13,7,9,12,2,3,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,2,4,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571991868932549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810238492307666,0.14452568508293714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379420814073501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652228610556465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251310427039424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478195226967807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848030825412649,0.0,0.0,0.19105043229516608,0.2699334580941968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378846482272307,0.0,0.09870454319526463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923802525695122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768949101519799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051051000603806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008411455918227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812768482260299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309755177142905,0.1649603988435847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24205800242286266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684981632635408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105431980392108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549412580023974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588137622706566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,balancecenter,2019/10/05,"Feedback from SPD Group I sent the text below to the SPD group but interested in the BPD perspective.    

Good Saturday afternoon. I finally signed up after reading posts about SPD in this group. I am a 34 year old female married with 2 kids that suffers from BPD.  I recently left a job after an ill-fitting promotion that caused a major relapse with my BPD side. I got a new job in a week in the same industry and now my previous coworkers are my competitors. I’m struggling daily and was hoping to get advice from this group about an incident that happened and how best to frame my mind for the better.  I worked with two very talented brothers, one for years who I felt was like a brother to me even, and the other was recently hired based on his skill sets.   When I resigned, I tried to stay in with the company in a lower capacity because I loved my coworkers, but they gave me the boot.  My two brother employees took me to dinner to hand off a few of my office belongings and to say goodbye.  The newer brother, a few years younger than me, stayed a little longer at dinner and I foolishly made a move on him by trying to hold his hand. I’m pretty sure that he has SPD as he is not interested at all in having friendships nor a relationship and typically isolates himself in his room with his personal interests. He walked me to my car and we hugged for a while and I told him that I was drawn to him. I told him I would miss him and he said he would miss me too but that he did not have feelings for me after I tried to kiss him. I only knew him closely for 2 months while his brother and I worked closely for over 3 years.  I don’t know where these feelings came from. I’ve been happily married for 10 years and I love my girls.  It’s like something snapped in my brain, but they want nothing to do with me now because of what happened. I am so sad that I lost my friends. Everyday I wake up wishing I could fix or erase what happened.  Any advice or perspective you would like to share?  I have let go on a surface level but emotionally struggle everyday with the results of my actions.  To the point I am even considering suicide because I simply cannot keep friendships, which is admittedly childish thinking.  P.S.  I am in therapy but wanted to get the perspective from this group.",5.185862068965517,5.816091973392464,5.938143588959401,80.18835920177385,68.29046563192904,9.236210719473963,32.403165379616176,9.314750747691287,2.8101928434895647,1804,76,353,34,29,591,227,451,0.08800000000000001,0.716,0.195,0.9955,4,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,1,1,2,7,11,26,0,2,28,0,25,10,4,4,2,59,59,27,1,8,10,5,5,3,1,3,0,2,1,3,17,23,2,2,7,1,0,8,5,8,0,3,18,7,65,18,66,36,6,67,0,6,0,4,49,30,0,3,28,243,82,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374434369619546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045513253358933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625780705368786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329519497083752,0.0786249348938587,0.0,0.0,0.3358997805693553,0.09924193892519224,0.0,0.10167805808555072,0.0,0.09132491555865696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097951479101536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000006733716178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743538634413765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990114724006162,0.0,0.08535806001534875,0.09738573995249304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868401493350071,0.0,0.09289329068202297,0.0,0.0505239889213398,0.07456520580144205,0.07110154998901626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358422569916766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829788179469536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643931023155895,0.07901851453100395,0.0,0.0,0.04885718296759665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659024436244464,0.09090639950422356,0.0,0.13029632955311884,0.08910127870411302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704498650009948,0.0,0.16047166480469335,0.08411944642427151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897637822156311,0.0,0.070959230466188,0.09448676223873156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586029330265148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530206620210283,0.0,0.0932857250621736,0.0,0.060241024475200924,0.06761254995775022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762415885196419,0.0,0.0,0.08403935182028968,0.0,0.08514174410326703,0.0904433858283456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889241811925391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755562940425536,0.09544546275725622,0.0,0.0,0.08456437542573203,0.07069694644185574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684396583809051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895114063469272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858754228550769,0.0,0.09724230609694252,0.0,0.0837873143623036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166503900950986,0.0,0.0,0.05696360954537957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698957555787684,0.09877130833108788,0.18107204501258076,0.0,0.17368500604314305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335191230827405,0.10487119239286548,0.0,0.07131031674427718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223075473515353,0.0,0.0,0.12944069748906253,0.0,0.0,0.18945629131626696,0.0,0.0,0.286243824326885
bpd,RRaymondReddington62,2019/10/05,"For those who saw Joker 2019 how relatable was for you? Arthur hated school - In school I never felt like part of a grup. Always bullied, I was the class clown and math was my enemy. My sleep routine was messed up.

Arthur constant laughing - I had a 2 years period when I was working in a stressful enviroment and when I was tired I coped with laughing. It was like a forced and exaggerated laugh, but it wasn't done intentionally and it lasted for about 2 hours.

Arthur dancing - Because of my social anxiety I started to dance in public to spite the people who made fun of me. It was my way of saying ""Fuck you"", but I wasn't 100% there. I literally heard internal music and I danced to it. I sometimes acted like a music conductor waving my hands in public.

Arthur psychosis with his idol comedian - I used to immerse myself into diverse scenarios and I even whispered while I was zoning out the lines of my characters. It was like an intense daydreaming.

Arthur suicidal gestures - Like him, I used to pretend I had a gun and I pointed it to my head. I wanted people to notice that and understand that I am not well. I interpreted that gesture between him and Sophie as silent code for two suicidal people. Surely Arthur thought she was the only one who understood him.

Arthur making faces in the mirror - Well I just exercised my poker face.

Arthur nihilistic/ absurdism philosophy - I just didn't cared anymore about justifying myself even when I did something wrong and I knew it didn't make sense. 

Arthur spontaneous murders -",3.670688436700378,6.411167183745582,4.685826733276471,78.84872791519436,76.80918727915194,7.437017180455707,26.719751431704644,8.433251757073789,2.2855813086389665,1215,48,206,25,29,395,156,283,0.221,0.6920000000000001,0.087,-0.9909,0,0,1,1,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,1,13,20,4,1,12,0,20,8,5,7,2,35,37,18,3,1,5,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,15,14,0,0,6,6,0,4,6,7,2,2,26,6,42,13,30,11,1,25,0,0,1,1,15,9,1,0,16,148,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072520514676782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860532055704753,0.0,0.1278304991372859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857399118503433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314183734848858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929111450564732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190567190539454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026958766844766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376066648600564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191625570095226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725841575047953,0.13228479556419356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693689628889274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050676921748156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31486111921308474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196480041872645,0.17207856903155455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941277665819824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467492976161488,0.0,0.0,0.08734347216314466,0.09803144827898924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395821375137938,0.0,0.2680814050858483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184867123808504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250351529306324,0.0,0.2608998843078314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898939241801838,0.13139355070202252,0.0,0.09923067292968336,0.12748174156249542,0.0,0.09123346813864244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476502819373717,0.0,0.0,0.2819832740113758,0.0,0.1214832420826639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232926835115252,0.0,0.14814734124025758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591296066628088,0.13418559932735466,0.0,0.22265004488150647,0.0,0.0,0.07602638030544119,0.1023118873179824,0.0,0.0,0.2317865161242327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383804522255554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092787508907312,0.0,0.08300499441957393
bpd,TheGothicRosesComp,2019/10/05,"Just found out I got a letter from my mental health place and just found out about some diagnoses I didn't know about. The list is: Mood Disorder NOS, BPD, and GAD
Had no idea about the BPD.
I'm in shock to be perfectly honest.",4.140992907801415,4.453914872340427,4.5795744680851085,90.13333333333335,70.48936170212768,8.819858156028369,22.04964539007092,8.841846274778883,0.9548921985815602,177,3,41,3,3,56,37,47,0.14400000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,12,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,3,2,8,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,24,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5786348124991096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331554102832942,0.0,0.0,0.2632727504137521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503740245941274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837236927182021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417580113582396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593197409590385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262450969353319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314982146078273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000278932573324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Icanteatcarbs,2019/10/05,How do you feel whole? I never felt whole in my life,-2.729999999999997,-1.132513999999997,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,105.66666666666666,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.8693,40,0,11,0,2,13,11,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769208868972306,0.0,0.3564144187838411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621926324148021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862957029754365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8288728707657546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hellsmistake,2019/10/05,"DAE have bad dreams/nightmares that puts them in a sour mood when they wake up? So I had a terrible dream last night that I was back living with my narc/abusive mother. It was frightening and sent me into panic throughout the whole dream, she stole my money and personal items and said I should die while holding me down making me hear it over and over.
 
I woke up around 4 just in shock and curled up next to my boyfriend. When I woke up a few hours later to get ready for work, the dream still felt very fresh. I was thinking about it all morning and tearing up a little bit but the worst came when it was time to open up.

So I work in the drivethru so I deal with a lot of customers, and today so far there had been a lot of kids with their moms and I just can’t help myself from crying. I know it might sound kinda stupid but I wish I had someone to call a mom.. and it just sucks knowing I’m on my own while a lot of other people have these supportive parents. I might just be sensitive, I don’t know but all of this is really getting to me today.

But yea I just wanted to see if anyone else has had dreams/nightmares that stuck with them throughout the day.",4.9422465915826965,4.657962136929463,5.07792827504446,89.31685684647304,68.70954356846472,7.881564908120924,25.927978660343804,6.868970318607317,0.8607389448725558,909,21,203,6,14,285,140,241,0.135,0.7909999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9494,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,2,17,9,2,1,13,1,19,1,1,1,2,45,40,23,1,4,10,4,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,12,17,0,1,5,3,1,3,2,7,0,0,16,6,29,1,32,20,11,37,0,0,1,0,17,18,1,7,16,146,41,2,0.0,0.15124952468786473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925888616830975,0.13079696199334648,0.0,0.1136394313847351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815831170876968,0.10658604598879348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936548260595938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034935890451654,0.14600256322835864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022230384801262,0.08232649197491881,0.13160602446010344,0.0,0.0,0.13248505613700665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663882503908716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256819011979155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338825309666022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438757245033122,0.0,0.08556401664697975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571381586178315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046646876509476,0.1040553290118773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794318973695618,0.11272112541262792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325581477589459,0.0,0.0,0.08521026657118955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708421740922537,0.0,0.29901445216735145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357618441645857,0.11979495528423567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977486924764905,0.14174504330160978,0.0,0.0,0.08849944967466322,0.11146285023752447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832787513904673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177864221350707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214285146906897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172398553878907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816111230442063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194492485247278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448606379870463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179574984965911,0.0,0.0,0.07443627516602724,0.0,0.24200278574777576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053282037084038,0.0752938401188279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252151744563538,0.1467961968701601,0.0,0.0,0.1858677671004355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gothfrida,2019/10/05,"Does it actually get better?   Growing up I used to live by that line, thinking all I needed was the next thing. Everything would be fine. Multiple circumstances have proven otherwise. I’m trying to tackle this condition and work to improve, but there are so many things that have gone wrong. I keep hurting the person who has stood by me, though they have issues as well. Mine are always the ones that take over and cause more problems, and every time I do one think right, something else goes wrong.

  I know getting in control of these things will make things better, but the guilt of all the mistakes are still so heavy. The things I’m fighting for might not be there when I recover. 

  I am just feeling so defeated today. I would love to hear how any of you might have taken some control and made things better for yourselves and your loved ones. I’m running out of ideas, options, and time.",4.824752747252745,6.6190779404761875,4.340476190476192,86.96093406593408,70.19047619047619,7.073992673992675,26.613553113553113,7.61054688173877,1.3940717948717944,706,23,133,8,13,212,113,168,0.153,0.6970000000000001,0.15,-0.5539,0,0,1,0,2,0,20.0,0,2,1,7,11,15,1,1,6,0,18,2,0,7,2,35,39,15,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,13,7,0,3,5,0,0,3,1,8,1,3,5,2,13,7,17,27,4,14,0,2,0,2,9,5,0,4,6,94,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.11160068822734634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951582371830184,0.0,0.0,0.07776999323940194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034313415033764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174811429226392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565331231968351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007884311290484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553466779500096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635480786669008,0.0,0.10278107466504753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057824797664528124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949871393157305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889413906380634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224267471294032,0.12910063106161365,0.0,0.11936408013918275,0.0,0.10165008467146112,0.0,0.0,0.0628502929337739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098362642149222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064321053310512,0.10821196655359344,0.07633743626318329,0.11594498638036682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426397432388736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847978775351271,0.0,0.0,0.1216251461580377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248368847267176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985637374589176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094288646874116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766441212210376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804135474573174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132953711368738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598589373384967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558616688990194,0.14655693713928178,0.11235995663353046,0.0,0.1333706521480737,0.0,0.10840168078279334,0.0,0.0,0.07764420282346876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877193717841874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282505544344876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832568034073433,0.0,0.0,0.16247878249920206,0.2500735040479151,0.0,0.0
bpd,iSweetPea,2019/10/05,"Does time apart in a relationship with someone with BPD help or make things worse? A therapist recently suggested that my husband (together for 8 years) has BPD. He has been previously diagnosed with PTSD and depression and is taking medication. 


After reading about BPD, the symptoms fit him very well and I can relate to a lot of the stories I've read on this sub.


Well we had an episode this morning. The details aren't that important but he essentially said he doesn't want to do therapy anymore along with being really upset about other things. 



I had previously given him an ultimatum that I had to see improvements in our marriage or else I would leave. I just don't want to be a victim anymore and his outburst were very violent and scary for me. He did bring up the ultimatum today even though I have never mentioned it since initially bringing it weeks ago. He was angry and hurt that I gave him an ultimatum which is understandable. I tried to explain that it was very hurtful and hard for me to bring up initially too, but I haven't brought it up since because I want things to improve and I haven't felt unsafe which was the main reason for me giving him an ultimatum.



Well it's been about a month. He has learned not to scream or become violent, but most dynamics about our relationship haven't changed much either (him still being overly critical and not showing that he is willing to put in work to change his mindset/behavior). 


I went ahead and booked a hotel somewhere for myself this evening because he mentioned this morning that he doesn't want to be in the apartment with him because I trigger him. I'm thinking that maybe I just need to distance myself from the relationship. Just me existing seems to trigger him. I completely acknowledge that I am not perfect and can always improve, but I feel so worried about how I need to word/say things.



I was thinking about moving out for a while and getting a short term lease apartment. Maybe the space would help him? He only has a few people he talks to in World of Warcraft, but no other friends or family so that is an issue, but having only me around isn't exactly working out either. 


I do ultimately want us to get better, but I don't think me staying there is doing anything good and I feel so unhappy when he is becoming upset with me or overly upset in general. Would moving out help him grow? Have any of you taken some time apart and seen benefits from it?

TLDR: I am thinking about taking a break from my husband of 8 years who has BPD, PTSD, and depression. I seem to make him more upset. His outburst then make me upset. Would a physical break where I live somewhere else possibly be beneficial for the marriage?",6.115095288825756,6.994467994140628,6.54762784090909,75.75352746212124,66.32421875,9.565435606060607,33.48390151515152,9.650220023710373,3.228664583333334,2151,92,383,43,33,698,232,512,0.16399999999999998,0.737,0.099,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,4,1,0,5,26,22,3,5,25,0,51,3,0,7,3,85,89,35,0,11,20,2,4,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,29,27,0,0,14,5,0,9,14,13,3,0,19,8,56,9,63,60,10,54,0,4,2,0,51,25,0,10,17,285,85,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339178758866047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059504383274710936,0.0,0.0,0.04863116028608909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184297476407667,0.0,0.0,0.058848945964276624,0.06366155884038388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078062814417296,0.1579605512668029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324726538614613,0.0,0.0,0.3602715023929415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130213275100307,0.0,0.07497981639111684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318774985441645,0.07258399264902017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258133835357224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947954600214887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446706767845507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741590891951975,0.0,0.07231804675815767,0.0,0.06866350836315968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525061643802333,0.0,0.07472497899412864,0.06860159973038829,0.0,0.05998154868125395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406142753386554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380057909519744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311187554374256,0.0,0.0,0.07464078974240143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572173580703956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314711777917464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079763024839362,0.0,0.0,0.1432060597195646,0.0,0.14368845098858707,0.0,0.0,0.07204162840880221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057080839392113114,0.1520135904686778,0.052570140700524334,0.10605167886890336,0.05515508452959874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087774227447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957797530445904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061994364822975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671892863686423,0.0718901218923492,0.0,0.0,0.14306431654850413,0.0,0.04581293464533484,0.0735270748993745,0.07061026845050508,0.2303339718269157,0.0,0.0,0.06802505467235342,0.05686985356025349,0.0,0.0,0.056986447502815236,0.13020514530431945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183122640558622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060592568365615586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622313600072755,0.057110219163292925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432918708753017,0.10753746030660254,0.057479284520139125,0.0,0.0,0.08178112594188758,0.08303187949122127,0.1900397223924012,0.18329007382368406,0.07026096869987666,0.0,0.08339938441433613,0.0,0.06778577821398851,0.0,0.0,0.04855250097772488,0.0,0.0,0.07444735296954184,0.08602110035016043,0.0,0.0,0.17701666286677326,0.21090052874407,0.0,0.0573632593016967,0.0,0.1928958025225672,0.0662930875192867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041243488075442,0.07262472569891032,0.07287765871526089,0.2032025820160163,0.0,0.0,0.09210380471176442
bpd,hyuove,2019/10/05,"How to navigate through anxious attachment. I have never been diagnosed with BPD but I seem to check all the boxes for it - I made an appointment with behavioral health and planning on talking to a professional. 

That being said, I have a history of falling for emotionally available men. I always try to find someone who is but they later turn out to be that way, which end up giving me a lot of anxiety and heartache. Doesn’t help that I wear my heart of my sleeve. 

It’s literally the same scenario over and over. Find someone, things are amazing and I’m feeling high, they show even a slightest change in their demeanor and my anxiety starts kicking in. I’m assuming the worst and immediately pull back, trying to guard myself. From then on, things just fizzle out. 

What do I need to do?",4.120702116675272,6.360484167785237,4.877315436241613,80.50892101187405,73.09395973154362,8.074548270521424,30.25348477026329,8.841846274778883,2.665060505937016,627,28,114,13,13,202,103,149,0.086,0.8140000000000001,0.1,0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,4,2,0,0,8,0,10,4,2,2,2,26,20,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,10,10,0,1,5,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,3,2,15,1,25,15,4,19,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,3,6,86,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338359922096613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636478383458686,0.19467194682244612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325030320468163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170303340149012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229114537237112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490062982079058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383620471650825,0.15262389898697415,0.0,0.0,0.11381538154134653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712989919535588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31499373861514685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530453288202604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831675334222844,0.0,0.20419939587670116,0.1155021051448684,0.1820649759154872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649984705958635,0.0,0.163052844425768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277726999492485,0.13290339467397685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391527210853887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687316919690314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29201144723053585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219686043494668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850385873415386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896279141133646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339872109665013,0.1874340952921852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677917061719966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jjhhggtt,2019/10/05,"Former FP requested to follow my insta I had a super obsessive relationship with her, hot way to fucking close, yadayada, until one day I was like ""fuckit, I'm going to ditch her so she can't ditch me. We're unhealthy for each other anyways and I'm bad for her"", uknow how it goes. So I ditch her, feel like utter shit about it for months (still do tbh). That was around 10 months ago. She sent a letter to me around 4 months ago saying that she's can't continue sending letters, so fine. I got closure (or convinced myself that I did).

I told myself that we really understood each other because we were fucked up in the same million ways, but looking back, I'm pretty sure that she was my FP, although I didn't know the term for it back then.
Anyways.
She requested to follow me on Instagram after I saw one of her WhatsApp statuses, I have no fucking clue what to do. I want to accept it and just... Speak to her, but I know that it'll eventually descend into utter shit again, at least for me. I doubt she knows the extent of the effect she had on me. But I can't just... Decline it. I don't want to destroy that possibility of reconnecting, even though I know it'll suck.

God this thing is a mess. 
Much like myself.

What do I do?",1.978142608695652,3.914677656000002,3.847530434782609,86.83759130434788,78.44,6.587826086956523,22.469565217391306,7.586124646067393,0.953751304347826,954,29,197,14,23,322,134,250,0.113,0.76,0.127,0.1921,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,2,0,0,2,17,19,7,2,7,0,20,5,2,2,1,31,43,14,0,2,6,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,20,11,0,0,8,0,0,5,6,11,0,3,13,6,41,8,29,28,7,32,0,0,2,3,25,9,6,2,19,146,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24517087138100346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24621422502939316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267241795451955,0.11546608598924755,0.08430009044157166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918538738709318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133901322447492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992340496579269,0.09879415752892234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835396744513981,0.0,0.0,0.07859319811348926,0.0,0.11060287051291533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040015123285314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268402120766674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612848148984325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311444510067774,0.0,0.10165880861257676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874172990778762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590080818654467,0.0,0.14069029568367292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859189442960971,0.0,0.0,0.14847133656041062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997348460300796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839046882134028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043829752743274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033636372864416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918735022868392,0.0,0.13586888440501674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214169211413293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313364356409882,0.21953578338264573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dangb9381,2019/10/05,"I was just involuntary hospitalized I literally COULDNT CONTAIN MYSELF. WHEN I FEEL TRAPPED... I LOSE IT. I blew up and told them I need to leave now and was very angry with security. Afterwards I was to the point of shaking and crying in bed BEGGING them to let me leave because if I got mad they told me they'd keep me longer. And I was literally lhad so much intensity of emotion and I couldn't do anything or id be there longer and they'd just leave me to use my fucking skills.The social worker treated me like absolute shit after hearing that I'm in DBT. She wouldn't listen to anything I said & was just annoyed with me and it was so so terrible. I'm so humiliated. Embarrassed. The social worker literally told me:maybe I shouldn't have called the mental health advice line that night. IM JUST SO. SO EMBARRASSED. I SAID A BUNCH OF PERSONAL STUFF, AND WAS TOLD I SHOULDNT HAVE CALLED?? NOW IM EVEN WORSE. I CANT SELF VALIDATE. FOR A SOCIAL WORKER TO KNOW WHAT I SAID AND THEN SAY I SHOULDNT HAVE CALLED... Like I feel BURIED in humiliation and embarrassment over this.",1.7624615384615367,4.447403019047624,3.4619047619047616,84.62835164835167,85.47619047619048,6.468864468864468,23.315018315018314,7.748469712250963,1.4334139194139195,854,32,166,17,26,283,113,210,0.252,0.7240000000000001,0.024,-0.9933,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,5,4,15,14,4,4,5,0,22,3,1,1,0,31,41,20,0,8,6,0,2,2,0,4,1,6,1,2,7,12,0,3,3,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,15,8,32,4,18,16,2,14,0,1,0,1,24,6,2,2,9,112,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547920206811948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695458959641368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765334411145606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580014746260354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306610752225505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856868891988202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141967915751907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129435458227361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915694950589484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979019399412813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633069254630553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147367860030837,0.1216579356751002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331907244771428,0.0,0.0,0.09594338076308738,0.0,0.0,0.059321835348255525,0.0,0.0,0.3428834459382857,0.0,0.11037751536081992,0.0,0.10546954666295444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075894820998445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084417631023212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877966197305254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934943560014797,0.08003726783454937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129580243285263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425036997153682,0.0,0.0,0.10203962424038587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30803130577506416,0.08583942752552252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260654438744315,0.0,0.1108004170097193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33009835244852137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356721326564188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125709845160539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322681440006084,0.0,0.08906305685526432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000162848828897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,menageonmybday,2019/10/05,"Am I descending into paranoia? Hi all. I’ve been struggling with a thought for a while now. I’m 19M and live with parents and siblings currently. I have a younger brother that has recently started smoking weed/nicotine a few months ago. He’s stolen clothes and little things like that in the past, but never anything excessive. The last couple of months I’ve had my weed and smokes are disappearing overnight from my car. I confronted him yesterday and he was adamant wasn’t him. I’ve become fixated and convinced he is the one that’s been stealing from me and the worse thing is I can’t talk to my parents about it bc they don’t know I smoke. I’m so stuck on this thought it’s consuming me and making me hate my brother. What would you do?",1.7947655007949133,4.359789804054054,2.635023847376789,91.67690779014308,83.3918918918919,5.914785373608903,27.62480127186009,7.285733465282438,1.5597451510333866,593,28,120,9,17,186,97,148,0.175,0.79,0.035,-0.9665,3,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,3,6,2,1,8,0,15,0,0,1,2,19,24,11,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,8,0,16,2,11,15,2,18,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,13,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120914346422575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589397935532994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331068039138185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137084661299552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068819977447451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614604876268743,0.15743688900353714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435965338346294,0.19357949230141264,0.1705483369132977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892409651214415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30832894897858576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896337742175836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087833421955214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289237055130522,0.0,0.1843763392969253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070488530209104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670723225606438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191444225555893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552405988846086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566305457901489,0.0,0.0,0.3066670891830092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968286745166645,0.13720286704339796,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Marianela280995,2019/10/05,"Alternative therapy for DBT? Hi! I first saw this therapy mentioned here for the first time. I started researching about it and I liked its approach. I was looking for this therapy where I live, but there are not too many centers/therapists that do it and the few that I talked to know about prices are unfortunately to expensive, I can't afford them. I had been seeing a psychiatrist for 10 years. Last year, I stopped going to therapy because I felt like it wasn't doing much anymore for me. Things didn't get any better and I've had breakdowns and one really bad episode since I stopped therapy. Because of this and my general mood and behaviour, my family has asked me to see a therapist again. I want to know if any of you know about an alternative or similar therapy to DBT. I don't want to see a phsychiatrist again and be medicated, been taking different pills for 10 years since I was 13 and I'm physically and mentally sick of them. I'm still on sertraline and I'd like to find a new therapy in which I'm able to stop taking it.",4.038970588235294,5.715079808823532,5.578578431372549,77.77610294117648,71.99019607843138,10.198039215686274,30.39705882352941,10.411451182825502,3.4150352941176467,827,36,162,26,16,280,114,204,0.11900000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.057,-0.9365,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,3,10,6,0,0,7,0,16,3,0,0,0,25,36,13,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,10,0,3,5,0,2,2,5,1,0,3,10,6,21,4,23,25,2,20,0,0,5,0,7,3,0,2,18,105,33,1,0.09072716091259793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233951611749622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997696450991312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481764818681982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575338968597621,0.110612870386515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024080096266546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479057286181257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552949279785434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711230239487085,0.0,0.08292298141300898,0.1543449534485283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740119695135952,0.0,0.0515623363548731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958382475197435,0.07395474533662674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297412404794634,0.0,0.08011374528446617,0.0,0.07618796494721385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198310097438417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139806963801507,0.09143163894391433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666949024716897,0.0,0.0,0.08762485736611103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061479072271756086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812214248233932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689340228665693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010089011102504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421715146407128,0.0,0.07245482790185218,0.22755590704882225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364310677435665,0.07292305525777194,0.0,0.0,0.7262809081782299,0.2106824532296852,0.06027509429217565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290373713663684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702646033186854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527595106269364
bpd,emperorofsand90,2019/10/05,"It's my birthday and I didn't tell anyone Today's my birthday and almost no one knows. Of course my family knows. And other than Reddit, I'm not on any social media. But I'm at work and I'll be here 12+ hours with these people and none of them know. It's someone else's birthday here too oddly enough. I wished him happy birthday. But I didn't tell him. I didn't  tell anyone. I can't explain why, but I just want to keep it to myself. I need this to be mine. I don't know. Maybe I'm extra weird.",-1.8288076311605719,0.061888567567567776,0.9889030206677276,99.60224165341816,100.26126126126127,2.9721250662427128,11.934817170111288,4.514644488427479,-1.5886877583465822,385,6,91,1,17,132,65,111,0.038,0.9209999999999999,0.040999999999999995,0.0763,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,21,19,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,3,0,16,1,9,14,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,56,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644571521010414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266178429839214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603813982251277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554062772195182,0.0,0.0,0.19238747299668846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755264920675115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820625224059907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833629151980667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654971785919157,0.0,0.0,0.4093079189391091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870562168252445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805998812499173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616941289399392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908300471614265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980064267615146,0.15776099649229705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882235075417822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648949710329753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982164470947756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801051150208818,0.0,0.21411312999754867,0.0,0.0,0.13555095509296294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kemikaltaken,2019/10/05,"How do I continue for my girl Quick backstory me and my girlfriend of two years have been broken up for about a month. During that time we have decided to be friends and see how it goes. Over the past week things have been amazing, we have gotten close again and two days ago she told me she wanted to be with me again. 
Fast forward to yesterday. I could tell she was a little off. We were talking and she was telling me how she would be staying over with me tonight. I said that sounded great and was happy how things were continuing to progress. Literally five mins later she lashed out at me and said no I don't want to be with you I just want to be friends. I knew at this point her bpd was in full affect.
Now up until a month ago these episodes really effected me and I'd take them very personal. So much so if lash out at her as well. It was my reactions to her episode s that caused us to break up in the first place
Yesterday for the first time ever I just stood there and took it. I told her it was ok as she made me feel as I was less than nothing to her. She kept telling me she wanted to be friends and stay close but I can't do that. She fired every bit of hurt at me that she could and I just said ok. I didn't react I just stood there being hurt and destroyed by the woman I love so deeply.
She then went to my house and packed up everything she had there and left. She then went home and spendt the night chatting with her very good friend. A guy she met at the end of our relationship who became someone she wanted to date but he had moved away. Usually when she talks to this guy I hear nothing from her.
Last night she kept checking in and talking to me.
So my long winded question is this. I told her yesterday that today if she wanted to continue with us like nothing had happened we could. She thanked me over and over. Is this just another bpd attack that I experienced yesterday?",2.652060421994886,4.21439991815857,3.359455722506393,92.73987412084401,75.39386189258312,6.831234015345267,23.471946930946288,7.531066641456977,0.7661335677749359,1492,44,335,19,32,470,182,391,0.069,0.826,0.105,0.915,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,7,1,1,4,24,18,2,0,10,2,36,1,0,9,1,64,66,35,0,12,9,0,2,1,5,1,0,5,1,5,19,29,0,2,5,1,1,5,4,4,1,5,32,9,71,14,54,23,4,75,0,2,1,1,67,28,0,3,42,244,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262586972129634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843574956917768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152203113017048,0.07558421914344543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878291644536644,0.0,0.20264468915916384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264299441265834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269526640359527,0.0,0.0,0.051882768009366746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125368605466798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072770471565745,0.06778151497388195,0.0,0.07230212073152789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040677289234830855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368592775417481,0.0,0.0,0.2486179210860567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747656812744955,0.0,0.08869499604114145,0.0,0.1593137586841824,0.07114053599211267,0.08563915667098684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067155246769243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806966239393181,0.0,0.0,0.0928270197779501,0.1722440338469923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557644284061435,0.0,0.0,0.08740776792764447,0.0,0.0,0.039303180186835485,0.08063075047000914,0.0,0.07119458420743142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260810928057368,0.07612252251546693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842679899719475,0.0855042560510253,0.05913906456965429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099134493907462,0.0,0.2315781450463221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679740467175322,0.0,0.07024471785215983,0.08405178808753462,0.0,0.07605004220854455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901209761582862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153750901200814,0.0,0.0,0.08637181646552093,0.0,0.0,0.2295754612988384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410721283138188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816393803145349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714952595363172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048742426768292,0.1939848975116097,0.2109471773981969,0.07406637127336944,0.0,0.0,0.1068931076044399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382058929698946,0.0,0.0762559784182078,0.2306165939460247,0.08938148623082166,0.0,0.0,0.1571734164349343,0.0,0.19353980568327095,0.0,0.08860289760449419,0.13275723589707408,0.2847044307883023,0.0,0.06453110930583883,0.0,0.07233305934119114,0.14915353586967806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714846136242983,0.0,0.0,0.05180633703254989
bpd,andrewjacksonwasaman,2019/10/05,"Some BPD Poetry I hope one day i can be better than i am,

don't mean to manipulate your affection,

I just want to open up without fear of rejection,

would you love me?

If you knew what i thought about on a daily basis,

I'm either entirely vacant,

or dangerous as a blazing sun only to be,

admired at a distance,

one sided conversations with the reflections,

shadowing a mirror in pieces,

you bring out the best destructive parts of me,

your never a want or a need,

your the air that i breathe,

what I think about before I drift off to sleep,

please leave otherwise i may force it upon myself,

only can pray to be redeemed,

unearned forgiveness isn't guranteed.",10.555039370078738,7.10932292913386,10.482929133858267,65.14533858267717,59.86614173228347,14.254488188976376,41.14803149606299,12.340626583579946,4.949045354330707,520,20,95,13,5,174,91,127,0.062,0.664,0.27399999999999997,0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,6,0,2,3,10,2,1,9,0,10,3,2,2,1,25,21,4,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,2,0,18,6,20,14,5,14,1,1,0,1,9,10,0,6,2,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929055069823682,0.0,0.2211171065267689,0.1863474116755957,0.0,0.0,0.2653698209777004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358843492578212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709656670149126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927307286284813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310133709458232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901653681748493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295145418109863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623170219625365,0.1625051641377485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855521343908097,0.32049434949415234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281680376493766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128580461715925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085259955054186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500833053548086,0.0,0.16727260930125534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485531503221676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310769972247175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967554317683168,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,selfdestructivebird,2019/10/05,"""Control the breathing. Make conclusions tomorrow"" So yesterday I was talking to a girl for a few hours an she suddenly stopped responding for an hour which led me to having a bad episode. I turned my phone off, went to the bathroom, and started hyperventilating. And then I hugged the towel, and loudly told my self ""Control the breathing. Make conclusions tomorrow."" And in like 20 seconds I became fine (or better probably is more accurate word). I stayed on bathroom floor for a little longer, and went to sleep. Just wanted to share, cause it really did help me. Anyone has their own techniques when the fear of abandonment makes you go insane?",4.889881422924901,7.700615000000003,5.007272727272731,77.78363636363638,72.91304347826087,8.355731225296443,30.45454545454545,9.095868883498916,3.0976086956521747,515,23,84,12,11,161,84,115,0.11800000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.121,-0.1585,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,5,3,8,0,1,11,0,5,4,3,7,0,20,15,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,5,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,1,5,1,12,5,12,10,3,20,0,1,0,1,11,5,0,1,11,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408690056885313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817496227433685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695241763823795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230433267625795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980817573808523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969625026135115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085683658290982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895032619973515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495324317526737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669990828549033,0.17786547138192044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553756380802335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133612326560168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368793271594807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513357418585555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759208441476196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560987745893126,0.18915292862452995,0.0,0.14836778517781965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263877836413272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695743826087776,0.0,0.0,0.19302978718867286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467281918188703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290216674295758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Xhiao,2019/10/05,"People that try to tell you you don't have BPD It seems like everywhere you go there are people who will try their utmost to invalidate your struggles with BPD by telling you you're over exaggerating, attention seeking, just an asshole or god knows what else.

I've known there was something wrong with me most of my life after suffering intense trauma in my early life but for the same period of time my mum who is generally a really good person kept telling me I was making it up, there was nothing wrong with me and I was just making excuses because I'm 'lazy'. It really frustrated and confused me. 

I finally got my formal diagnosis of BPD at the beginning of this year and I thought that would be that, but instead my mother has taken the approach of just saying typical boomer shit like ""back in my day we didn't have those mental illnesses, it's cause your generation doesn't have social contact anymore"" lmao. It's made even worse that I'm generally quiet BPD with only occasional outbursts despite the inner turmoil. Meanwhile even some friends of mine don't even try to understand my condition and prefer to ignore the fact I have BPD and prefer to just say I'm a complete asshole because I get angry, can't empathise with them or I ignore them sometimes. I've even lost friends over the fact that they thought I was making up an illness to ""have it easier"" lol. Sometimes it makes me want to just stop restraining myself from my outbursts to prove it to everyone, but I'm scared of myself and my own actions.

Why do people act like this? What is there to be gained from telling a person with a disorder that they're wrong despite even being professionally diagnosed? Is it some sort of victim complex?
I really have no idea if I'm in the minority here struggling with such people and I am clueless on how to confront them and even begin persuading them because it's such a stupid scenario in the first place. If someone struggles with a physical ailment people barely ever doubt them so why are they so dedicated into demeaning people with a soul crushing mental illness? It's so hard to deal with a disorder that is so hard to understand for neurotypicals.",6.862170731707318,7.477677460975612,7.21087804878049,72.57436585365856,64.63414634146342,10.072195121951221,34.692682926829264,9.98439552973466,3.5539580487804887,1749,75,299,36,25,570,202,410,0.22399999999999998,0.675,0.102,-0.9956,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,6,8,3,26,26,5,7,18,1,30,7,1,7,4,71,55,20,0,6,12,2,2,3,2,2,6,3,0,2,25,20,0,5,13,0,0,4,6,20,0,1,13,5,42,6,48,37,5,30,1,2,0,0,33,13,1,11,16,211,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198120441919466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055810584491121036,0.0,0.1327347673605127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570684008723368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745610486141616,0.0,0.0,0.07610017344799158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680897171353146,0.07482819355597091,0.0,0.07366855103145585,0.0,0.0,0.16636904994382534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060632411573416665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876358164690823,0.06565399410621921,0.0,0.06935459843328302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795093304659029,0.0,0.061737666444757484,0.0,0.0,0.11215235503137784,0.0,0.03792076412062559,0.0,0.04124965866216213,0.06087779989367063,0.058049942809618574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003728153249206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193551909043406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988881645401802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253271996019886,0.10637875658168074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079231126707663,0.0,0.0,0.06867823633746492,0.1937944815551444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628987605997312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964377099148071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055201393765201986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019126507476937,0.1267504852622022,0.07583207145676671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949243038228598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543921893118705,0.07266660175869279,0.0,0.0,0.06607534279487495,0.0,0.0,0.07450372145741979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398755458420493,0.061497949504567335,0.0558766757621333,0.1435696388742077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060681265667250885,0.0,0.2276333849568201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537572258570538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152429824331722,0.04232277381342471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783393412696014,0.0,0.0,0.1511195077932251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281036574957076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098677343986528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396660508989919,0.05155971460317762,0.23806896445553574,0.0,0.046740015187711335
bpd,davidfilm,2019/10/05,"Experiences with romantic relationships (possible trigger warning) I would like to start this by saying this is my first post here, and yes, I have BPD. But this post is completely out of curiosity, and I am not in need of moral support.

I’m currently writing a screenplay about someone who struggles with BPD. It’s not something that’s going to be made into a movie or anything, it’s just therapeutic for me because it helps me learn about myself as I take from my experiences.   

I’m curious to other people’s experiences where maybe your SO or FP did something minor or small to upset you, and in that moment caused you to overreact and freak out.  Or even if you just split them in your head to the “bad side” for a moment.

I know this is a touchy subject for a lot of us (me included) so don’t feel you have to share.",5.547763975155281,5.990443186335405,6.446763975155282,77.5183447204969,67.4472049689441,9.669813664596274,31.62795031055901,9.642632912329526,2.834187080745342,647,25,126,13,10,215,101,161,0.083,0.809,0.10800000000000001,0.4939,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,1,6,1,1,9,7,0,2,6,1,10,1,1,3,0,29,20,13,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,11,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,2,19,3,26,16,1,17,1,0,0,0,14,9,0,6,6,93,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772758969446954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295968949951228,0.0946167861795634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909722585701828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944715015522468,0.0,0.0,0.16273853450467585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251713656348167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554861301406077,0.0,0.0,0.07848067329395007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202463155783384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821148093816257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592939600997194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403642219663033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853013500329179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582953784971196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195707490626676,0.0,0.146866886467258,0.0,0.0,0.1559329501232278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150889374739156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760558551744538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498004279878224,0.29730349868852324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664134796945376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343210574983007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315120021934717,0.23898206573042985,0.0,0.0,0.10986100383988244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226298309087195,0.0,0.0,0.17613458418475894,0.0,0.0,0.11670133068453742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867028819388157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102593070925768,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,innout7,2019/10/05,"im absolute poison. There is no way i’ll ever be purely happy and loved. There is nothing in me left
no capacity to love another
especially after my FP’s death
i dont feel anything anymore
i keep looking for my moral compass, that’s how wrong everything is at the moment, and i don’t see myself getting out of it",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076929,5.818461538461538,76.50153846153849,73.61538461538461,8.276923076923078,29.92307692307693,8.841846274778883,2.6175230769230766,250,11,47,5,5,90,53,65,0.198,0.638,0.16399999999999998,-0.1389,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,2,8,13,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,7,3,7,12,0,8,1,0,2,2,2,4,0,0,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478193933044201,0.0,0.0,0.23438227080008045,0.0,0.0,0.19448477603124345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769845804099033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377986586741976,0.0,0.0,0.21240397841797032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119498819361311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347605012700175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515845648956952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552839410332044,0.0,0.0,0.21006671180569228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25678026404515425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19846311029972036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266057792098928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677121512169676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832956644846285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759288777928348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583968270900109,0.0,0.0
bpd,Molson11,2019/10/05,"Does anybody else find themselves lying a lot? I find myself lying allll the time about random shit. I’m not sure if this is apart of BPD or I’m just an impulsive liar/ manipulative as fuck. I find myself lying about the smallest stuff, But I also tend to lie about big stuff. For example; I used to tell my girlfriend that my roommates had girls over to get her jealous. I know this is extremely toxic and Id often ask myself afterwards “why did I just lie about that?” I usually would tell her later that I was lying and it never went over well. I read some stuff online that lying could be a symptom of BPD but there isn’t too much about it.
Not only do I find myself lying a lot but also telling too much of the truth about different aspects of my life. Is it like this for anybody else?",3.5467916666666675,4.838070762500003,4.802500000000002,84.37916666666669,72.625,7.333333333333335,23.958333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.1656458333333335,622,17,124,8,12,206,91,160,0.158,0.804,0.038,-0.9369,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,15,8,4,0,7,0,11,4,1,2,3,28,20,10,0,3,9,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,13,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,4,0,19,4,18,13,5,10,0,0,0,1,8,4,2,7,6,92,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986860860863217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161340213559687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129151971272944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918390907482742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978914940946087,0.0,0.0,0.10871052357640837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075488371498492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541592227649365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484442164946858,0.06490266750762247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827105549224892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774410519604224,0.060690277287422524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122406105047714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826399904633308,0.0,0.09581032101355633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944790483151568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425906161689768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751563355764106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266252396452164,0.0,0.0,0.11708101124391786,0.1291178018539928,0.0,0.0,0.32573554171537056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243685565183433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729089856892486,0.13681677662020292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169359343432644,0.11515823156420155,0.11209414158191808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824619153330335,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emmvazquez,2019/10/05,"I’m doing everything I can I recently broke up with my lady. I just had a bad night. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and major depressive. When I met her she looked it up a lot. I thought I’d be different. I wasn’t. I lost it. She understood nothing that happened. We broke up.

I’m building a motorcycle and it’s been a pretty good distraction but I want to be in love and not constantly scared they’re going to bail. I don’t think I can trust anyone. She was the sweetest woman and I think I have a handle on myself for once.

I’m just not sure how to deal with the void she left. Thought I loved her but I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone or I just like the attention. I’m a dude. I guess that’s relevant. Sucks regardless though I’m sure. I have no one else to talk about this with so here I am.

I have a good roommate but he has his own issues that make mine seem stupid. I don’t feel like I’m allowed to feel this way because I’ve had a pretty good life and meet people easily. I don’t go out anymore though because the bike is crazy expensive.",-0.21219937999673988,1.9199945022026448,2.1919725893294206,94.32174579866215,88.55947136563877,5.8299233153858685,18.98009463207701,7.242747475848597,0.3583837167564048,820,24,190,14,27,279,125,227,0.127,0.655,0.218,0.9803,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,11,20,2,2,12,0,21,5,0,3,3,41,49,15,0,3,10,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,10,1,1,2,8,9,0,1,11,3,32,11,17,36,3,15,0,4,1,3,17,7,1,5,7,116,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242345505479854,0.1751839173422184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459553032695136,0.1527273153983456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777365163653506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353727719341242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914825571138605,0.10789519016811423,0.1271467933992183,0.0,0.13088087912074325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464732371795682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331422577990648,0.0,0.0,0.11258493529942996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668093080325485,0.08949318071545509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423880815971726,0.3152125406555533,0.0,0.0,0.13799944083831026,0.0,0.11077617863491293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074972492105968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884532183146619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361066286470666,0.0,0.0884821703352951,0.12240155485417675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519556459742492,0.0,0.13674741198567905,0.10650039285843724,0.3391842121445301,0.0,0.08361894785225024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755776060747646,0.0,0.1202003030847623,0.0,0.0,0.13340886067210925,0.08488644791909197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684670480541133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25489001316386034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368938228504715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254174986676563,0.0,0.0,0.1140414443000952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361316912803897,0.0,0.0,0.10068758202592032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605363958226816,0.24615501421945424,0.19890136934936695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388771264119805,0.0994337925803983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_Shiina_,2019/10/05,"Private Chat Does anyone need help with anything regarding personal problems? If so, please DM me. I'm sure I can help some of you guys :)",1.3846153846153868,4.071303230769232,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,93.6153846153846,5.676923076923077,25.73076923076923,7.1686216300943375,1.6791076923076922,108,5,20,2,4,34,24,26,0.077,0.5429999999999999,0.38,0.8622,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23268108133876594,0.0,0.27384201528147817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29120997042423313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294954111026491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460985067540739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467453323894179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905626278314027,0.0,0.36528241025964703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31841671484179485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136325417255163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toosicktotouch,2019/10/05,"so my therapist was fired. my t in my ed facility is gone now. her things are moved, someone saw her crying, we're all excited because she wasn't even specialized in eating disorders. bbbut like wtf am i supposed to do now? she's the only t to ever tellme i'm extremely attention seeking and melodramatic, constantly playing the role of a victim, ungenuine/shallow. feeling hurt, empty and wanting to die when i'm not the center of it all and feeling approval. 

her comments helped me be more aware of my behaviors. like how i only take from others emotions, how i love making scenes while bored. needing instant gratification, thinking i'm closer to others than i am um not really caring about how they feel but a little. bad at boundaries lol i liked that about her. she called me narcissistic so i picked up her dsm v and i went to read npd and bpd(my ddx) but then i found histrionic and it reads like a description of my daily thought process. she said i shouldnt pick up her belongings and i was like ok i'm sorry and i needed to finish reading about hpd but she made a snappy remark to focus on my session. laady pls i am trying to learn. 

she's gone now like what do i even do? i have to start over with a new therapist and that's scary. i feel fucked over.  
are personality disorders even real lol my temporary t said she doesn't acknowledge personality disorder diagnoses. what if i was labeled a narcissist. is atrophy fogging my head?wa  

what if the next one is less willing to deal with me? i am a bitch",1.9755399515738503,4.6467421084745775,3.8571428571428616,82.42101694915256,83.84745762711864,7.032445520581115,25.37772397094431,8.146662555663855,2.0427656174334143,1202,50,222,27,35,404,171,295,0.128,0.727,0.145,0.3213,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,16,18,3,0,11,3,21,4,0,7,3,43,48,22,1,6,7,0,5,6,0,2,1,2,0,2,10,11,1,0,10,4,0,4,5,6,1,1,13,8,42,12,29,32,4,27,0,1,1,2,24,11,2,2,18,149,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896023282004023,0.06541734143281429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515765416670072,0.0,0.10957912857094376,0.0,0.10941331195154216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596781910588118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787889093594085,0.0,0.11063555353262848,0.0,0.1089209899904292,0.11137451785091,0.0,0.3689718618717857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980854814477813,0.0,0.12071329494549295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126387545829453,0.0970712459353482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170438125431232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766376388023532,0.0,0.0992096438062049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013465788461982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193000763489671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488137022275635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145678669824808,0.1075563651082659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968546648279927,0.10154267170911556,0.07163262508263275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405731595609304,0.0,0.15914326879762747,0.0,0.10364409118560146,0.1141291733366868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271843588762772,0.163233574532774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874040977218544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220277589189129,0.12214630897351668,0.06874780531936009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415951310073946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092641905714598,0.0,0.0,0.12012872856291935,0.07595708001227391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068643105849971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919859558240826,0.0712943513612505,0.06876218697706216,0.0,0.08519496827561462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285885330911822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632963096736431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948073202639324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadboy2k03,2019/10/05,"[Cheating] Does anyone feel like it's really hard not to cheat on someone Does anyone else feel like cheating on their partner means basically nothing, even though you know how much they love you? Don't get me wrong, I really love them too. I know how much they'd be hurt if they found out but in my mind i really dont care. I'm really struggling with this ATM and my partner is so lovely and attempts to help me with my BPD, I don't know how to cope with it, I keep getting offers to cheat on them, to my strongest willpower i keep rejecting it but I don't know how to deal with it anymore",3.2094308943089445,4.2629780731707365,4.322113821138212,88.41699186991873,73.14634146341464,7.417886178861789,25.04878048780488,7.793537801064563,1.1451073170731711,465,14,101,6,9,152,69,123,0.127,0.662,0.21100000000000002,0.8955,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,6,1,8,14,4,1,0,0,7,3,0,4,0,26,24,11,0,1,4,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,2,8,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,1,3,21,6,15,21,2,5,0,2,0,3,16,5,0,1,2,63,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360844275576305,0.19189350308480385,0.14059713439861588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282259220104734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990396851254358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146681716985096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016263392110204,0.0,0.16081970679225638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462891024100168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906318895909556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876415115431262,0.19605863609206375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045360773155705,0.0,0.0,0.14338258214882488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292131787239692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197503798912987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468958330174725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393319620471535,0.0,0.0,0.3016480091932959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407659504560154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715366550019912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947177458790042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385521255951449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174358344511464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131665381050544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516241531913765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626525732411115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345114642452467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481702172519364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002749217002678,0.0,0.0
bpd,buffybop,2019/04/27,"Problem with dealing with intense anger First things first, I'm not looking for a diagnosis here, just looking for tips to cope with all of this.

So, a short backstory. So basically I have a very long history with mental illness, and I have been diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety disorder before I started university. I've seeked help after that but have ended up quitting due to horrible treatment and just because I got sick of them not understanding me. Then one day I was watching The Crazy Ex Girlfriend and they listed the symptoms of BPD. I ticked all the boxes. I never really knew about, so I researched the hell out of it and all the symptoms sounded so familiar. Obviously it also terrifies me. 

I'm going to seek help and tell professionals about my revalation when I move back home in three months (currently living in different country), but I have huge problems with coping with my possible symptoms. I have a lot of frustration inside me that lashes out as anger towards my boyfriend. I've been verbally abusive so many times and I've hit him as well. I know, it's bad. I've managed to stop hitting pretty much altogether and honestly I don't understand why he's still with me. I feel like when I have this intense anger my mind feels seperate from my body. Often after yelling I start turning anger towards myself and spiral down really quickly. I hate myself even more for all of this. I'm a monster. I feel like I should be locked up. I can cope with extreme sadness, but I don't want to hurt the person I love the most. I desperately need help but can't seek it until I fly back to my home country. Do you have any tips to control your anger? Have you ever had similar issues?",4.823015384615385,6.582441886153853,5.63692307692308,77.80307692307693,70.13846153846154,8.523076923076923,32.07692307692308,9.065960079200117,2.9656461538461545,1363,62,240,27,25,445,182,325,0.249,0.643,0.10800000000000001,-0.9958,2,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,0,3,2,4,21,19,8,0,12,0,19,9,1,1,7,53,42,25,0,5,8,1,3,2,1,1,7,2,2,1,10,20,0,2,7,0,0,2,6,14,1,4,6,8,42,5,42,32,8,37,1,3,3,1,16,11,1,3,26,173,52,3,0.0,0.12856433308567758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677387349232138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378921625234537,0.0,0.08300838527096807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687203358420272,0.0905997155830272,0.06614551928555965,0.0,0.0923323852731802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052801703895542,0.13666213001725613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170103991902052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997873585309873,0.11186706734905927,0.0934578515109738,0.11013341854336244,0.0,0.11336785029465525,0.12435966198317933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610595321512214,0.0,0.0,0.07166856440030711,0.09815177183078087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459483877597395,0.15503639006554112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459383721413775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616676432290752,0.0,0.08678382509709086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712926588456632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181920391297608,0.0,0.21768490570383167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616014535572572,0.0,0.0,0.1132542456965266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059633203805704235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602313523383176,0.0,0.09581462383599984,0.0960262374884005,0.18223891983397436,0.0,0.0,0.09224969052017723,0.09793277990142857,0.0,0.0,0.1100101635223174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935062467761993,0.0,0.10956223003658976,0.0,0.08661011534563065,0.11532691832151636,0.07976592492852427,0.08045736745685117,0.08368812168635688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352788416754655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474507132626944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232655813916075,0.0,0.11039172814275308,0.0,0.20765515912574486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154117010921558,0.0,0.0,0.13902611090552852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536051570052475,0.0,0.08665469397127475,0.09071761472027208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383443307293469,0.0,0.0,0.0948408458304829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208794777697193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327193486294704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118025633682749,0.0,0.2259214789598839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953053104020632,0.0640008777568966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756179647488923,0.0,0.09791166611066836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,secretturtleneck,2019/04/27,"Is impulsiveness part of BPD? I just... once again... uprooted my whole life and I’m completely regretting it. Every time I feel passionately about something I go 110%, this time it was so big I feel like my whole life has changed for the worse. I want to go back but I know it’s too late now.",0.2193644067796612,2.6105220169491545,1.8862500000000004,94.67479872881357,91.54237288135592,6.339830508474578,19.239406779661017,7.645422480735847,0.6547101694915258,225,7,52,5,8,73,45,59,0.073,0.8320000000000001,0.095,0.0478,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,2,4,9,3,9,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625712002782107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662798077338882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365745028993264,0.0,0.2216729434322308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813295626001616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138035948838328,0.15104059966428018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031307254418935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619252562457252,0.0,0.23849429959874194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986685680450283,0.10329057531096564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251585445433156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22895045477458445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627637181913332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465648478935497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470273529144192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720923527159411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21545805118529734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Joshkinz,2019/04/27,"I might have BPD and scrolling through this sub is terrifying I thought I had it bad (I'm not diagnosed, but I'm going to be seeing a professional soon and I match 8 out of 9 symptoms on a moderate to severe level) but what I've gone through is like the initial symptoms compared to some of this

I'm starting therapy in two days but I'm terrified that that's not going to help me and that I'm going to deteriorate more and more by the day

aaaaaaaaaaa",3.372689969604864,4.577017819148939,5.087568389057751,82.50500000000002,72.93617021276594,8.350151975683891,31.51367781155016,8.841846274778883,2.513023100303952,361,17,76,7,7,123,59,94,0.177,0.7879999999999999,0.035,-0.9207,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,0,13,18,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,1,5,1,13,13,3,12,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,5,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899431930615709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865134970791909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934222132776741,0.0,0.0,0.2308957930639645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878604581085462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248058394819822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113927187915718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132909184110954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812786884525031,0.0,0.0,0.2569969793415318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101735973753134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4728948070785618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601526485781021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060026599818665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222229725215603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mummacoconut,2019/04/27,"I want to feel okay alone Recently lost the most meaningful relationship I’ve ever had. They were also my FP... I’ve got so much pressure and stress with my course at the moment and the past couple days he suddenly cut me out of his life completely. I know I’ll get over it, I know that it will just take time etc... I just want something to do to fill the spaces and some company so I don’t sink back into my head  and yeah... just don’t want to feel alone even though I am... thanks to anyone who reads this or puts effort into saying anything.",1.0253273809523833,3.2360675446428573,2.5892857142857157,93.12238095238096,83.375,5.8761904761904775,17.36904761904762,7.1686216300943375,0.04910476190476176,423,9,93,6,12,138,78,112,0.12,0.7809999999999999,0.099,-0.5244,0,2,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,10,6,1,2,4,2,7,2,1,0,1,23,19,9,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,3,12,2,12,14,4,16,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,3,8,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673848905656847,0.0,0.14183548018259512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401489357033092,0.0,0.14595294204763287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363796155449713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859595718692724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624650740277974,0.0,0.1143831340336968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780433210489265,0.1171452285878919,0.1604331249500257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935804141502665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266377120213136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185174649161486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202349376971727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949458692162008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527527758804205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936104181332315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303806988107684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931108668726594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782967328033482,0.0,0.0,0.17740893706884167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175122531937621,0.19041927481058704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410445387751827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654111720659545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316635830821694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335335454951772,0.0,0.0,0.16329012498373008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425622370685562,0.0,0.10342059080907688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138362342287374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Apotheosis-Apostle,2019/04/27,"How can I convince my SO to go to the doctor? We've been together for three years. At first, things were easy. Then for a while I just thought she was an asshole. Lately I'm seeing it's a very serious problem. She screams about how she wants to kill herself while punching herself in the face, over nonevents. She'll run out into the street in the cold in the middle of the night. She's fallen down the stairs in the middle of a fit. 
  
I love her with all my heart. I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to end up in jail or shot by the police because of her screaming and self inflicted bruises. I love her and I want her to be happy. 
  
She isn't diagnosed. She's definitely depressed as anxious. But after confiding in a friend, who asked his BPD girlfriend about it, it really seems like BPD. It all matches up. And it scares me for her sake. I'm patient, I'm calm, I can handle her episodes about 95% of the time. But I don't want her to hurt so much anymore. It seems like hell. 
  
How could I convince somebody in this state, who keeps saying they'd rather die than go to the doctor, to seek help? Thank you.",1.0028291316526603,3.030346054621852,2.3581722689075657,95.81832282913167,82.15126050420167,5.143137254901961,21.26120448179272,6.21433560688645,0.0756717086834735,883,27,200,7,24,284,134,238,0.183,0.6659999999999999,0.151,-0.6468,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,2,10,21,2,1,16,0,14,7,2,3,2,28,35,15,2,9,5,0,0,2,2,1,3,3,0,1,10,6,0,1,3,0,0,4,5,11,0,2,4,5,35,10,39,27,3,34,1,4,1,2,31,19,1,3,12,133,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253634586507713,0.12512687645031614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795204965276765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691214658138093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31781375033533416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073659063342484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867015713583167,0.12806003674938118,0.13094468614530028,0.0,0.0,0.2582809701817284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174929520340936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732025705732738,0.0,0.0,0.09747873757361766,0.0,0.0659186909320152,0.0,0.14341079687912847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431046068907446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495122239809301,0.08456918562636583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701354898415475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121458180463452,0.1395885668044258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232541407124624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232807150990537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115211415017426,0.0,0.0,0.22774695562924285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274957059172144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840212986182112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072778481116235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082782277695184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003355598261692,0.12631832120191144,0.0,0.10054126667728457,0.2297211145886827,0.1316229732292323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616051388166533,0.0,0.0,0.08382183503975932,0.0,0.0,0.10016499821748068,0.07357082356036407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041035795205635,0.44651050694375016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124943383302298
bpd,mylifeisadankmeme,2019/04/27,"Questions. How often do BPD and narcissism get mixed up by people who have neither l wonder,and do religions between folks with bpd and narcissism happen much?
Why are we painted as such abusive people?
Is it ok to talk about experiences with people with NPD here?
Very new to this,so sorry for any mistakes.

I could really do with any help,advice,kind words anyone has to give,I'm struggling.

I'm nc (no contact) with family,no rl friends,seriously shitty ex who's still very much around, mental and physical health are..not good.

I'm very good at helping other people feel better,l enjoy it,it feels good..l have a knack of saying just the right thing to finding a solution l guess,but it's because of being in shitty situations/being in a shitty situation,I'm very often saying the things l long to hear myself.
If we feel all our feels so strongly,surely that makes us,like in my experience,if anything too empathetic?",5.626458333333333,6.803757517045457,6.556136363636362,74.18128787878791,67.57954545454545,8.821212121212124,28.87121212121212,9.075114841892004,2.507834848484849,737,25,126,13,12,245,119,176,0.129,0.765,0.107,-0.7092,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,3,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,5,1,10,1,0,2,1,27,20,7,0,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,8,11,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,6,4,23,18,4,10,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,4,3,70,14,0,0.0,0.13991496516537374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606077731472677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256987236629068,0.0,0.09717635881792827,0.10512335239678144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719853462042004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044392359915468,0.0,0.0,0.297455393760687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942836557617724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551271923059385,0.0,0.0,0.2388353553536353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793028884327092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061696103918357226,0.11328076589393593,0.0,0.2971398247630219,0.0,0.0,0.13008724076399816,0.0,0.10442482471997848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552201752257947,0.13309375367338902,0.0,0.15830378883210022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229704757855014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450416029613596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882465418416458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190049252025832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736165286265013,0.0,0.0,0.11405012222451405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32746939057002505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228558103590582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565019394399752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084650321610808,0.0,0.18781662797661494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218984332393627,0.0,0.0,0.0943052260095122,0.0,0.0,0.12345121289319015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491465795355966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569048344899312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204531919084062,0.0,0.0,0.3897398549372132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655604882287537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806139417988832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leoloewe19,2019/04/27,"It took me 10 years to realize that I was abused - and my abuser never realized. I have been in treatment since I was eleven. There was never a clear reason why I got sick, since I hadn't experienced anything traumatic (or so we all thought).
I am currently again in treatment.

Today I realized that sexual abuse doesn't have to be rape or similar. I talked to my bf about something and suddenly remembered things from my childhood. My mom is sexually very open and she always explained a lot to us. But she overstepped quite a few borders without wanting to do harm.
When my breasts started growing, my family was curious so I showed them and everyone touched them.
When I was maybe 10, I wanted to know what a tongue kiss is. My mom decided to 'show me'.
When I learned about sex toys, she showed me her collection.
She didn't accept if I was uncomfortable with some things - like seeing her go to the bathroom, change her tampons or watch her shower and shave. To her it was natural and thus okay. She kissed me on the mouth till I was maybe 17, although I said it made me uncomfortable. She still sometimes tries to do that.
She encouraged my brother to have loud sex even when we are home bc it's normal.
These things made me uncomfortable, but they didn't seem too wrong since I didn't really do something about them.

My boyfriend was shocked. So we googled it. And giving a toung kiss can be charged with a minimum of 6 months.

Today I realized I have been sexually abused by my mother and she doesn't even know.

I feel sick and confused.",3.59729603729604,5.722392087542088,4.201026936026938,85.28906177156179,74.25252525252526,7.9362341362341375,27.92139342139342,8.730908602173464,2.1721438487438487,1218,49,239,25,26,386,160,297,0.132,0.7829999999999999,0.085,-0.9366,4,0,2,0,4,0,34.0,4,0,4,1,16,12,1,1,8,1,31,10,2,4,4,50,48,24,0,4,7,4,2,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,13,15,0,0,15,4,0,3,9,5,0,1,21,7,56,7,24,25,4,24,0,0,2,7,31,4,0,8,18,168,69,1,0.0,0.5134496363648637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014561011083508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915266147433326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460687698368548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311200255519752,0.0,0.0,0.10352127481939208,0.0,0.0,0.10213110205125674,0.0,0.0547787750100809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039273532795924,0.06157078761950616,0.0,0.08664752184565495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867150417338757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190790870003807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052928307297129135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210480254424636,0.0,0.20502342277538055,0.0,0.0,0.21767947783691954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537675110880591,0.08647408492388281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671133611344706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614790246652374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523043470875992,0.0,0.0,0.06940387778670891,0.1113891559193104,0.0,0.0,0.12272544722177328,0.0,0.1030539217245925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633108681211367,0.09862653486248432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688540904038569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668072438810327,0.10714871383701406,0.0,0.07668195186330637,0.0,0.08651859353404172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707770565205293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592417790384985,0.0,0.0,0.08600799892848619,0.0,0.0,0.2053828641741328,0.0,0.12036712417189133,0.0735541582346597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031686317411464,0.0,0.0,0.08938991379419407,0.12780071510739818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775788539831257,0.0,0.0,0.10443363616476176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845022176901278,0.0,0.06976589968961026
bpd,LimpBuilder,2019/04/27,How much do you usually pay for group dbt sessions I go to group once a week from 3-5 and pay $25 a session. There’s typically 2-4 people in the group. I am unsure if this is typical,1.3821428571428598,1.8253186428571448,4.760476190476194,85.86785714285716,76.85714285714286,8.457142857142857,25.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,1.6669904761904766,141,5,35,3,3,53,37,42,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,19,4,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729740198140433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353086708552183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115196801303126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33298986618002824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5289989909547843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852796311511387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TallRussianMan,2019/04/27,"Likely just broke up and want to tell my story. I’m a 21 year old male that’s about to go through a break-up of a long-term, long-distance relationship (how exciting /s).

The relationship seemed to go so well. It’ll likely end soon though, although mainly because the other person did some stuff that I’m not able to look past. I don’t want to get into any details, so please don’t ask about it. I loved her with all my damn heart, and I would’ve done anything for her. To be honest, I’m kinda like that with anybody. If I like you even a little bit, I’d give you the coat off my back. If I don’t like you, then I’ll ignore you and want nothing to do with you (unless it’s necessary). 

I’ve had problems with this in the past, as I saw every girl that showed me attention as a partner, and it took me years to get to the point where I don’t do that as often. Now that I’ll likely be single, I’ll probably end up doing that mental process again, although I at least feel somewhat confident that I have the mental capacity to stop myself. I suppose all I want is love and affection. So much so that I do stupid stuff to maintain it. If we’re close, I’ll keep texting you multiple times if you don’t respond to me because I’m worried that you’re dead. A more subdued version of this would be me panicking throughout the night because you didn’t text me back, only to find that you fell asleep. This has happened many more times than I can count.

Coping has always been ridiculously hard for me. Like, it’ll get to the point where I want to kill myself because I’m too nervous to make a phone call. And right after that, it’s like nothing happened. I recently completed a group project, and everyone seemed nonchalant about it. Meanwhile, I’ve wanted to kill myself and have been panicking the whole time. But nope, since it’s over, I was back to my usual self...until this whole break-up thing started, at least. It just keeps going and going, day by day and night by night. 

If you ask me about what I think of someone, I know that they are neither good nor bad, and they are who they are. At least in my behaviors and actions though, that’s totally different. I know what normal people think, but as soon as any sort of feelings hit, that goes out the window. All of a sudden, it’s like I found my soulmate, at least until that fizzles out and I go back to hurting myself or wanting to die. 

Now I’m a whole train-wreck at this point. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I feel so bad that I can’t even contemplate suicide anymore. I’ve been cutting on my legs again too. Last time this happened was when I was 17 after a party gone bad, and I ended up cutting myself around 30 times a day for at least a day or two. 

At that time too, I had really bad self-esteem. Even now, if you were to ask me what I liked about myself, I really wouldn’t be able to tell you. I just look at myself and I don’t see anything good. I feel so ugly, so stupid, so hopeless. And everyone tells me different. But when I once cut myself because I truly believed I didn’t deserve to even have blood in my body anymore, how can I look at myself and see anything other than disgust? I don’t know, it just seems impossible.

It’s just hard. I had my future plans all set up. I was gonna move in with her, start a new place, and finally escape my pain. But now, I’m trapped in it again, and I have nobody. I feel like I’ll never have someone else because they won’t want to put up with all the shit I do. I have a lot to give, but it’s also a lot for someone to take, and I worry that no one will ever want to take what I have to give. I feel so hopeless.",3.4549314112996967,3.987483063241108,4.6104285825001945,88.51518251569405,72.12252964426878,7.375866077656357,25.6860420057351,7.285733465282438,1.0188366581415176,2811,82,623,27,51,926,291,759,0.147,0.769,0.085,-0.9948,3,1,0,0,0,8,103.0,0,12,4,1,52,41,11,1,27,0,55,11,7,4,8,105,122,61,5,19,20,0,8,11,1,7,1,0,1,4,50,32,1,4,17,1,0,11,20,23,1,2,19,14,94,18,88,91,26,99,0,4,6,2,41,35,2,18,63,426,144,1,0.10432166290215614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171299806623778,0.0434019902843838,0.0,0.0,0.07094230811571765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345905753190007,0.0,0.0,0.12877175968009402,0.04643419872991686,0.14629000863627473,0.0,0.0,0.16043383875961167,0.17420846200905973,0.19078055227945992,0.0,0.0,0.058767395036774035,0.0,0.0,0.056946118407674176,0.05793892492442801,0.0,0.0,0.05326204084212462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054689639375107735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455768451209574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413470791298168,0.10899393399864653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337864042832175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337355254030022,0.043573681545673024,0.0,0.13859704353192462,0.0,0.0,0.13780694893167772,0.0471824583114579,0.04394775017574677,0.0996838195096588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824450183573907,0.0372637084108771,0.0,0.05713964125335719,0.047674054973148035,0.0,0.0,0.057191659389495976,0.0,0.0,0.08175564472278893,0.1501122674230067,0.1482210128024008,0.08750006133455633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837695296519126,0.0,0.09345171909748176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181083641413913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055839248884355215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927258872783083,0.11541646346098075,0.0,0.08599868652576705,0.04251803944606351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803146225179348,0.05227885625608043,0.0,0.09232138885712393,0.13140588413343987,0.0,0.0,0.08869054722144441,0.09415437375884962,0.0,0.034817760029088776,0.05288289612516832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513169948839696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543870899523999,0.038344212818730884,0.0,0.04022964882833063,0.05037725605016508,0.0,0.14684822053562946,0.051106540028908604,0.10009944912542618,0.0,0.054734018211620696,0.05554958315001854,0.035345529324178775,0.039670662775629896,0.05550280227600738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958683148231327,0.03616175286700346,0.04554482608602185,0.054496966999323264,0.05725692932957596,0.14792653677587306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056238198493959286,0.04991087122452236,0.0,0.052436042526651384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683112856396851,0.0,0.05150252832834591,0.11200242466444743,0.0,0.044545065057279634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313085876179091,0.14245578578771445,0.10883024611622903,0.0,0.05354234391324243,0.04314797879149119,0.0,0.052198501379738665,0.0,0.1325871096606076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383940994279832,0.0,0.0,0.043608790700524265,0.0,0.0,0.11942334528379285,0.057055483561956576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843690751128359,0.0,0.13677259730985836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034653338674410686,0.06684510926357609,0.10249550413135526,0.0,0.18249240171251185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579526029880375,0.0,0.0,0.050953553062458974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744778661660197,0.0,0.2768922884734964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046898851738546125,0.0,0.0,0.17470711663334426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059437125711629,0.0,0.07410711619096001,0.0,0.0,0.06717973058891771
bpd,ChrisDolmethBitchez,2019/04/27,My friend just got banned from this sub because he disagreed with a mod who removed his comment Don't trust the mods on this subreddit. They will ban you for literally anything,7.372727272727275,8.063559151515154,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,63.54545454545455,9.024242424242424,37.71212121212121,8.841846274778883,3.2313757575757585,144,7,26,2,2,43,32,33,0.284,0.637,0.078,-0.8127,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443488369313729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032373713011498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.511064528089192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290529408731905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vampyyspacebat,2019/04/27,"My dad made fun of my singing when I was a little kid, and it left a deep psychological scar. This is more of a story thing than a vent, but eh I didn't really know what flair to put it under. I've been wanting to get this off my chest for years, so I guess it counts as a vent. Then again the last bit fits under the victories flair, so idk.

\- - -

So when I was about maybe 9 or 10 years old, I fell in love with singing. I'd always had a love for music in general, ever since I was really little. I had this big CD player that I would blast 90s pop music CDs on and jam out and sing along to the music for hours on end.

I was really into 80s and 90s pop music as a kid and had a dream to become a popular singer when I grew up. Even though I was undoubtedly shit at singing, I was just a little kid with a big dream. I wasn't doing any harm to anybody.

One day my dad (who was physically and emotionally abusive at the time) decides to come into my room while I was singing and says ""stop singing, you sound terrible"". He then proceeds to laugh in my face like it was some really good joke, and then he exits the room.

This had a huge effect on me. As soon as he left the room, I turned the music off and started bawling my eyes out. I was crushed that my own parent had said this shit to me. Even though he was always threatening to hurt me if I did something as simple as eat food before dinner, or would beat my brother and I if we were merely arguing over something, my naive 10 year old ass still loved him for whatever reason, because what I was taught as a kid was ""you **have** to love your parents no matter what"".

But when he put down everything I'd worked for to try and be good at singing, it make me extremely self-conscious from then on. I physically couldn't sing in front of other people for years, even my closest friends. I just couldn't do it. I felt uncomfortable and would get quite anxious, because I genuinely believed I was awful at singing.

\- - -

As of recent turns though, I'm starting to come out and sing again. My music taste has greatly changed since I was a kid, and I'm a lot more into rock, metal, industrial and dark wave now. In a nutshell, it's mostly gothic music, glam rock and 80s hair metal lmao.

I ended up joining Smule, and I sing duets with other users on there every now and then. Even though sometimes I get intrusive thoughts that I'm terrible at singing which leads back to me being self-conscious, the people I sing duets with will compliment me on my singing and it makes me feel a little better.

I've also picked up on playing guitar and piano again, which is cool too I guess. I stopped playing for quite a while due to an overwhelming depressive episode that lasted a whole year. But I'm starting to get back on track.

So yeah, I'm building myself back up again. Creative outlets are the only thing that help me mentally, if I'm quite honest. Even if I have extremely low self-worth and think I suck at everything most of the time, music and drawing/artwork are always there to pick me back up if I fall down, to tell me that I'm at least decent at what I do :"")",3.907337154193762,4.631213339652451,4.803295492119479,86.84491458172602,71.21169036334912,7.720915536941106,25.937359932400163,7.8205782467293705,1.2568450641096292,2416,71,517,29,43,786,278,633,0.109,0.745,0.147,0.9806,2,0,2,0,0,0,84.0,1,3,0,8,37,30,4,1,30,3,43,15,7,8,2,80,79,60,0,11,12,5,3,1,1,4,0,3,3,5,30,36,4,2,8,23,0,9,5,11,0,1,30,9,64,19,84,41,10,112,0,4,1,5,31,56,4,13,48,337,94,3,0.0,0.0796453012685022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375621006741529,0.16779852433764544,0.0,0.0,0.04571224551733327,0.0,0.0,0.07594003215668231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067536628412231,0.0,0.08195398653138286,0.07423976169890899,0.05719969501199933,0.07573448515244864,0.0,0.05945107019086411,0.07338737673052942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111037654584218,0.11580901836505406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335166189284178,0.0,0.05789691869313385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878335376048847,0.0,0.07561401557629897,0.11907482291241628,0.0,0.0,0.2219925334711438,0.06080479126578772,0.05663617097688053,0.0,0.12082690312601466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033988704868394004,0.0,0.06454222218662674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128329618565297,0.0,0.051934392038788885,0.0,0.14047974862052715,0.0,0.0,0.11276273334616176,0.0,0.07411083925337845,0.14810191989957222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505648462469921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619865258147199,0.0,0.07196093621147899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694262917807967,0.10958735962770297,0.0,0.0,0.14607054123724164,0.0,0.0,0.03284054116899702,0.2694904043601427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714846580745892,0.2426765051272257,0.06360566301946305,0.0897404122920366,0.0,0.06753202793183677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774245420418384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107321541095788,0.0,0.0455503509068657,0.05112421980060023,0.0,0.0,0.14928082187856798,0.0,0.0,0.09320446257244644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515033911926275,0.0,0.2144918302637488,0.0,0.0,0.1722526959305256,0.0691138702058276,0.06637213483013679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394208943853084,0.053456440134016805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037692720944848,0.0,0.1380017558235248,0.1112109855166294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349925096242617,0.06648279394645222,0.0,0.14273704898300538,0.0,0.05368237863508118,0.11239869692227866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875368041379336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931662741483314,0.043072182558612934,0.2641752022859433,0.05336556889714112,0.07839362898016475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563830745796937,0.14623320366472045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03964839289447122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750492883705073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048937325050667495,0.0,0.0,0.1432545449907133,0.0,0.0,0.21643899247397955
bpd,chronicallyjess,2019/04/27,"Victories? I’m very uncomfortable with acknowledging my own successes and when I do something right and while I’m ok with being wrong I’m uncomfortable with other people knowing I’m wrong - it makes me feel unsafe.

Also for context due to life I haven’t seen my psych in like 2 months and I usually see her fortnightly.

So yeah, I’ve been faced with a lot of situations lately that had the potential to be a thing.

Our finances are wobbly atm and something else happened to threaten the delicate balance and instead of freaking out with/at the person/internal complete freak out, I talked through solutions and went all wise mind and shit (is it just me or does the term wise mind just annoy other people - it’s like nails on a black board to me) and figured out some potential solutions and imitated things for some of those solutions and then just continued my day. Like it wasn’t a thing? 

Numbers usually send me into a huge panic. They whirl around visually in my head and cloud everything and I can’t make them balance out because I can’t see through them. But it’s almost 12 hours later and I’m fine? 

Also yesterday I just felt really fucking crappy. Just angsty and grouchy and feeling physically awful for no reason. I tried really hard not to let my live wire of a brain turn itself on my housemate and apparently I did really well. 

In the evening when we were watching tv my housemate started using oils and the scent was just hell because my senses were so amped up. I was so irritated because the smell was overloading me (I’m autistic) and my brain wanted to allow that to be irritated at housemate for creating said smell (one I’m usually fine with/can at least tolerate). 

When that got too much I just removed myself from the entire situation - the smell, the social interaction etc. my housemate and I are incredibly close and I have difficulty being the first one to leave in important relationships, even if I want to leave - so picking up my stuff and going to my room several hours earlier than I usually would was a big deal. Doing so also broke routine which is a whole other thing but I survived it.

I’m in this weird place where my brain is registering things like:
- I don’t have to live according to certain societal templates, especially if those templates don’t work for me. 
- I’m able to have positive feelings about my body, and looked at myself naked, didn’t freak out, identified things I like about myself - didn’t end up in hospital because of it. 
- Being less scared of my family and interacted with ones I haven’t seen in a very long time.  Realising that they’re all just people and they are all scared too. 


I also took  a step I’ve never taken before in establishing boundaries for my own mental well-being and self respect.  The last time I was faced with a situation like that the other person had to the cutting off, the end was awful and even though I’d wanted it and it was a relief (thiugh still distressing) I couldn’t have initiated the break myself. 

Doing stuff for my own self respect is .... weird.",5.244360685450651,6.758871292387546,6.068492338111721,76.06597462514421,68.77508650519033,9.310990278464331,30.02488054045148,9.66644846860713,2.921232690723349,2429,94,434,55,42,798,268,578,0.109,0.775,0.115,0.5728,1,0,2,0,0,0,58.0,2,0,4,4,33,34,5,4,28,4,44,10,8,6,5,85,79,47,0,7,14,0,5,6,0,1,1,1,1,4,31,42,0,0,8,1,2,6,13,17,1,4,24,18,56,17,63,47,15,67,1,1,7,1,19,31,3,7,35,307,87,4,0.06979243068937199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988703783968038,0.0,0.0,0.2232519264279203,0.0,0.075620069492965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213006016811235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017927183327924,0.0,0.05938821806124195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752365691864932,0.0,0.2337343031759451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317603572124552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501034401091171,0.0719529314653949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107582641916021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830262027186873,0.0,0.12363075619971158,0.0,0.07783700901451944,0.13829172672671936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272493646169791,0.0,0.06579409228667399,0.0,0.10586744995335724,0.0,0.06701167837647425,0.0,0.0,0.05936540589090007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645219775520791,0.0,0.0,0.03966464672796649,0.0,0.05581938248216987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617172159655697,0.0,0.06252030926722174,0.0,0.07162716900403701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746297122892434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03835609467713328,0.05689014608347544,0.0787289017619165,0.14780021373717608,0.0,0.07136748896173255,0.04929645780329028,0.20458233769789647,0.0,0.12325598991064038,0.061764104920380924,0.05860806410624037,0.0,0.0,0.05933502877116425,0.0,0.0,0.09317397886452368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033435478000016,0.0,0.14094091882144735,0.0,0.05570765231762835,0.0,0.051305466976686635,0.0,0.0538282251145176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187947183226468,0.0,0.0,0.08188637979473014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515585126036418,0.12188011691682815,0.07291823550873727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413245471080998,0.07175824266159132,0.0,0.07493095147233791,0.0,0.05960235446936112,0.06638858389140515,0.0,0.1397487970160721,0.0,0.11123106240593388,0.0,0.14561745274513305,0.07884558105340736,0.07164092715846186,0.0,0.2353488488492101,0.0,0.07114459391976947,0.0,0.10745924578867652,0.0,0.0,0.04939944166160685,0.0,0.05573632530309048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597912708931672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609651209782971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782019385397456,0.0,0.06857070879678245,0.0,0.08139305518166587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754195849245236,0.047384479142612686,0.07591412318905359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027825165192601,0.30746600881602,0.11517212914673855,0.12349615164035554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255035538474325,0.0646982824694901,0.0,0.07792075643329427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050809720765700526,0.0,0.0,0.04957854031906842,0.1526141335190171,0.0,0.0
bpd,fukisaan,2019/04/27,"I can't tell whether I genuinely like my SO or not I've (17F)  been in this somewhat-relationship with a boy (18M) for a few months now, and throughout this entire time I've questioned my feelings for him. There were times when I really liked him, and times when I felt nothing, and times when I was hell bent on hating him and making him out to be the one lacking certain traits for me not wanting him enough, or for things not working out between us. Being with him makes me question myself like crazy; there's a crazy level of self doubt and anxiety and I often find myself becoming unusually stiff around him, because my guards go up and I can't risk having him see a single flaw. But, he's the one person that makes me feel insanely good about myself. I'm at the point where I'm wondering whether I stick to him because he gives me validation. Then again, there are also times when I feel repulsed by his affection or adoration for me. I also found myself emotionally cheating on him, (romantically feeling for others numerous times) but eventually circling back to him. I don't know which feeling of mine is real, because whatever mood I'm in, the feeling at that time feels Hella real. Be it not liking him, or liking him, or feeling nothing, or despising him.",6.684080796252927,6.719803930327874,7.06943793911007,75.4204098360656,65.02459016393442,9.758313817330212,33.822014051522245,9.424239791934726,3.0475407494145204,1005,40,184,17,14,328,137,244,0.095,0.799,0.106,0.1966,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,1,17,15,4,2,8,0,12,1,0,4,1,54,35,25,0,2,14,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,12,0,2,15,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,5,10,40,8,26,27,4,31,1,0,1,0,25,14,1,11,21,137,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185492270660194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219870256226604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095652985923011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262216286807901,0.0,0.19650096244488505,0.11866971734542155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208664151184037,0.0,0.11102423102187092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346382485469151,0.0,0.1031685324475516,0.0,0.09820705070767884,0.0,0.0,0.11781301584025185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307551327417824,0.061066122982102615,0.09012368431055193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608430260887404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905152794454434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624724035215233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517046493929026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576530054089583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062017103770252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456213528546915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382090630682953,0.0,0.0,0.10157466785894284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407364402323274,0.0,0.0,0.244602493739238,0.06883500926688291,0.0,0.0,0.1153607324214365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562347451239888,0.0,0.11209343850534144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391574660470052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713847855045064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43858336192816055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924872168942628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337659860856294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652458236429936,0.07822463863712903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JESSICA-THE-FOX,2019/04/27,"Dont know how to move forward with sister/brother in law Over the last couple years there was some tension with Austin, so I talked to my sister about it.  When I was speaking to her about him I thought it was in confidence but no, she told him every fucking thing I said... it was mainly about how I didnt feel very welcome in their home and how that made me feel since I would like to be able to spend more time with my neices and my nephew.  Which over the last year has been very minimal 😐.  
So they got married last April and I was supposed to be a bridesmaid... had the dress and everything and was trying to help with decorations make it an event worth coming to since most attendees were driving 4+ hours to attend.  I even offered to pay for things to make the reception funner for guests and feel like their drives were worth it!  We sort of argued over decorations cause I was trying to make it nicer FOR THEM AND THE GUESTS.  This pissed off Austin cause I was stressing my sister out...
So he called me to let me know I wasnt invited anymore, that my life is a joke, I have the brain of a toddler and called me a bitch about 15 times all while I was profusely apologizing.  My sister didnt have my back at all and I was just out of the wedding.   That was the worst month of 2018 for me.  Spent most days trying to be high/drunk/numb because the pain of this was so heavy.
Fast forward to now...
They want me to get over it and just make nice like it never happened.  He has never apologized for calling me names and attacking me on every level of my being.  I am difficult and I admit that and that I am partially at fault for him not liking me... I mean come on... I do have BPD.  
I just dont know how to just move past this or know if I even want to forgive him or my sister.  She and I have been talking but our relationship is so watered down now 😢   I can spend time with my neices and nephew when they're with their dad.  He and I get along well.  
Any advice/perspective would be very much appreciated.  I literally dont want to just make nice for him to feel no guilt and just pretend he didn't really fucking hurt me with his words and actions. 
Woke up feeling super angry at the world, life and honestly everyone.  So over relationships right now!!! 
Help",2.582493561751208,4.326168148471616,3.4952401746724924,90.92005990370623,76.03056768558952,6.618833277348561,22.22393908856791,7.419758726546812,0.6427858470496024,1764,48,383,22,39,563,212,458,0.13,0.723,0.147,0.7663,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,2,0,6,1,30,26,6,3,15,0,44,8,2,12,4,85,77,37,0,6,12,7,5,4,2,2,3,2,1,0,19,32,1,0,13,2,6,10,12,14,1,0,28,7,62,12,63,41,9,55,0,1,0,2,51,23,4,7,30,268,81,1,0.08396288693356124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709764232489775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326862233734769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551990516284203,0.0,0.06456227733219952,0.0,0.051182996559357916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574831683262312,0.09373035001174852,0.25720648551810626,0.0,0.0,0.17250602704485024,0.0,0.14465318502233845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290333739235268,0.0,0.05414911599581776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952116344895448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091338989354203,0.0,0.14148470706228966,0.0802301366154893,0.07546042881768192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227079218042372,0.059983103201914224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524467202028444,0.08773428596485118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715279083646156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424810362365583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125571064997382,0.08871139992768445,0.08422162150971088,0.0,0.08268653059394837,0.0,0.08988400702410969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845752273579736,0.20532287768427107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585774054920009,0.11861094023747862,0.16408010170600434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944771375421032,0.2802293950532712,0.0,0.0,0.09146019843440313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701837529770176,0.17847852212538814,0.061722382789758425,0.0,0.12951470910190738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934243152099708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801520761767714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053788775362234066,0.0,0.0,0.1802894366667797,0.0,0.07170384667584126,0.07986793278145753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389099354399496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961792033014114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497237611913326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156242245558813,0.0,0.0,0.0666571534797665,0.1468783037478305,0.0,0.0,0.0802301366154893,0.0,0.17101586627771942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078345250751748,0.1485704583504084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549271889062294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928965172937744,0.0,0.0,0.10813869270766432
bpd,sleepyyclouds,2019/04/27,DAE feel like their friendships don’t last long seems like my changes in personality make my friends become tired of me. it really does hurt because i don’t know how to stop it. can anyone relate to this?,4.547666666666668,6.087539100000001,4.655000000000001,85.4366666666667,70.5,7.333333333333335,25.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.245333333333333,164,5,33,2,3,51,34,40,0.177,0.606,0.21600000000000005,0.2315,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,4,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928649979197731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502210587005314,0.298977568593408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863749424151242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368998617720653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136878946115215,0.1933950466444669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914962417453625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28980030713823657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487749582751215,0.2206645171016459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645101472663465,0.0,0.0,0.2395695445477161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807008108435064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363732473483308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342355038070184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644392191114145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632541073595666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111409495916394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KittensKnifeGang,2019/04/27,"I had an episode, and my FP made me feel even worse So this week I’ve had major trouble with fear of loss especially around the guy I’ve recently been dating. I had panic attacks from nightmares of him leaving me, and my brain is trying to convince me he doesn’t want me, he will leave. (Even though evidence shows that’s not the case I can’t get myself to believe it) 

He hadn’t been feeling well physically and mentally and got really bad at messaging me on Thursday and Friday and had to cancel plans with me on Friday. Which made my fear of abandonment even worse, even though he’s the exact opposite to me and that’s just how he copes it played on my head.  I asked him to message me more if that’s okay which he has been thankfully. 

He cancelled plans with everyone on Saturday and I have been messaging him a bit saying I miss you and offered to come keep him company completely understanding if he’d rather just be alone. (Which happened to be the case) 

I was hoping that tomorrow (Sunday) he would ask to see me since he’s feeling better & we’ve seen each other every week but he doesn’t. And my fear of abandonment is now like through the roof which started my episode. 

And I was talking to him about how I’m overwhelmed and feel like I’m spiralling  and have had a bad day. He was like “but you’ve had a few good days you were bound to have a bad one.” And I said “no, the past few days have been bad.” And he claimed I didn’t tell him but I tried to every single night. I posted to my Instagram story about suicidal thoughts and told him I was having them, and then got so overwhelmed with my emotions I fell asleep. And instead of messaging me worried he just posted a meme to his story saying “girls just wanna have serotonin” and I’m so angry at that but I don’t know that I should be??",3.895100882723831,4.9259691994535535,4.666120218579238,86.68134930643129,71.48633879781421,7.9258511979823485,26.918453131567887,8.263242389622931,1.5919948717948718,1421,47,298,21,26,458,173,366,0.18,0.737,0.08199999999999999,-0.9918,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,1,4,22,27,1,6,12,1,38,3,3,4,1,59,67,33,1,8,12,0,4,3,0,3,0,3,0,2,14,26,0,4,7,2,0,2,8,16,1,1,26,9,47,11,34,34,7,27,0,6,2,0,40,7,0,3,19,197,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979276256700176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244733397596052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417155745382214,0.1767871985684402,0.10756684551540524,0.0,0.0,0.31578874988727124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652801820745762,0.0,0.08362379007392577,0.10322657886708594,0.0,0.0,0.10555159223232452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144839957746379,0.0991362454549011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829351563484504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063585658744064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498035033834945,0.0,0.1593287137525551,0.090348736174786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191927380608303,0.19123385410383886,0.06754815328444094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939965323822743,0.0,0.0,0.07930594950795823,0.1512441593303412,0.0,0.0,0.09362160267447768,0.08361225106622537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703789686931996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391172839939174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404239291281443,0.0,0.0,0.051963449223851835,0.0,0.0,0.20023438169227645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858037433877893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893526877737545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528643893669934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873089066458993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407105826355229,0.0,0.0,0.11093670443788076,0.0,0.0,0.09026083077812423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110985643501326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057259876869121,0.0,0.09335894967028822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994085130729201,0.15038350406527567,0.0,0.0,0.07534590932809003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821460637209972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692457613522068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342482575448614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599752484104119,0.0826428426135985,0.08705101731535772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857942303458432,0.07506393268116353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090348736174786,0.0,0.12838955564439905,0.0,0.0,0.09843223700305766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576937258709423,0.0,0.15168823899387085,0.0,0.08501383681863718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602240948985602,0.1927136610974836,0.06716721251599415,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,refIectophobia,2019/04/27,"Spend a month on splitting with my FP and now he’s spending time with his friends and I’m jealous. I’ve [F 20] been splitting on my boyfriend [M 22] for about a month now. It’s been on and off though but I’ve told him I wanted to break up several times and then less than an hour later told him I still was in love and said I never wanted to lose him. 

A week ago it got really bad and we had a major fight. I told him I wanted a break in our relationship and didn’t want to talk to him anymore for a while. However he booked tickets (before the fight) for a concert I really wanted to go to and I told him I didn’t want to go anymore. 

Yesterday I made up my mind (again) and said I still wanted to go to that concert but he already asked his best friend (whom I hate) and now I’m actually so hurt, jealous and upset. I feel replaced, not wanted and so scared to lose him and so guilty about my earlier behaviour. I’m also pretty mad that he asked especially THAT friend since I’ve always disliked him since the first time we met. 

Has anyone tips how to handle this situation because I’m completely clueless and feel like
breaking up and blocking his number and want his love and attention at the same time.",2.9715873684210514,4.1999189040000005,4.362378947368423,87.22213684210527,73.96,7.343157894736843,25.157894736842106,7.85451343220497,1.2323600000000001,946,30,203,13,19,314,125,250,0.16899999999999998,0.669,0.163,-0.7041,1,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,3,0,0,4,14,19,6,2,11,0,7,2,0,2,1,42,39,27,0,9,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,7,21,0,1,3,4,2,3,4,12,0,1,15,6,31,7,29,24,4,37,0,3,0,2,38,10,0,0,22,124,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.09271195379188957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421690732812481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484126021693692,0.07597610208601738,0.07905243443174283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844044497316895,0.06643026273790029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776351919956258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932587267421369,0.05791465245834641,0.0,0.08084293632439248,0.0,0.09970272328107296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996117713143658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607557183120376,0.06787216085098179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081188297922445,0.0,0.0,0.22020373086379635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198195270576166,0.0,0.07598481535545501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379855610532532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356157326156797,0.0,0.10170567138107756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046415033821891286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257437214077574,0.0,0.0,0.17149288337386073,0.08989678291596688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592877255581156,0.0,0.1516654426119093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327432809821888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665505144895786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172629352215213,0.0,0.0,0.10200067178910197,0.0,0.0,0.18074453941907734,0.0,0.09511737738056407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732950906166724,0.0,0.1571795552197919,0.10679049718759363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174350551440474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636206142553054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334271385715352,0.0,0.22159457859179196,0.0,0.0,0.3631284442975571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043319289226708,0.0,0.07620792024351031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snow-white-girl,2019/04/27,"looking at 'raisedbyborderlines' makes me feel like i should never, ever be a mother i recently found out i have bpd, and even more recently learned that i am the 'waif' type. 

somehow, for some reason, reddit 'recommended' the RBB subreddit to me, and like a moth to a flame i clicked.

i knew raisedbynarcs was a thing (i have an N mother) but... i didn't realise there was a support group for people raised by us.

makes sense, i guess. a lot of us are terrible people, and the fact ""we can't help it"" doesn't really excuse us.

idk, my head is just swimming right now. 10 minutes on that sub makes me genuinely feel like i should shut myself away even more and interact with as few people as possible in life just to spare them lol",5.232550860719876,5.7605350563380275,5.853474178403758,81.19802034428795,68.15492957746478,9.409702660406886,28.45383411580595,9.444778638647367,2.2808613458528955,566,18,114,11,9,184,97,142,0.062,0.8420000000000001,0.096,0.6746,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,10,1,13,2,1,4,3,28,23,7,0,2,3,2,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,4,20,4,15,15,5,13,0,0,2,0,11,7,0,4,8,81,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684284894489096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344091466675286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240073317729456,0.1317486475479886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728990282179316,0.20810459486225813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969756653738235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044975436835254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947878833370648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762603882024792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287681174672987,0.21347151073243692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230920935450125,0.0,0.0,0.12382631241448835,0.0,0.0,0.2916672610105755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233416007016256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302925845983443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419834602497368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330703737696512,0.14975232603994448,0.2876233539070923,0.0,0.0,0.1243841945981983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528174835453396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676330286222734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255965867096499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Welshgirlie2,2019/04/27,"One little cold and I've completely lost my hwyl. (Hwyl is a Welsh word that we use to describe a positive, happy mood - sort of pronounced ""hoyil"", also used in hwyl fawr, meaning goodbye. Mojo is a good comparison word in the context of mood).

I've had a cold. I work with children, but have built up a really good immunity to children's bugs. Until last week, when I unexpectedly came down with an absolute stinker. And its knocked my mood right down, but in typical BPD fashion, so am cycling between happy-sad-cry-can't-sit-still-wish-I-was-dead.
I'm doing the skills, taking my meds, keeping busy but not overloaded, etc, but damn, all I want is to hide away! And I have to be over this by Tuesday when the kids go back to school after the Easter break. Gaaaahhh!",4.214338010982306,5.573766248322149,5.135680292861501,82.36824283099452,71.08053691275168,7.834289200732154,28.9816961561928,8.296473431620573,2.01490067114094,597,23,116,9,11,195,105,149,0.075,0.836,0.08800000000000001,0.2114,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,3,5,8,1,0,10,0,9,1,0,2,1,21,19,12,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,3,2,8,3,21,15,2,21,0,1,0,0,4,10,1,1,8,67,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292566768047816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966582931403333,0.14704320624410966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084608233346386,0.0,0.0,0.2187148968153874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049984427784967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327075227079675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867978039406474,0.3207874265096355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356670055486806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997301657366826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558770616398567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916615771860274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874891405736035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830431293986945,0.21241217820612032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295816393450492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250611837173266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330842019405173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935338375968982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271563202001512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378032038008365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33032071088385784,0.0,0.0,0.11279174905078038,0.0,0.15339227422571694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199037766284379,0.0,0.0,0.13921690347002827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joojay,2019/04/27,"Desperate need to get over abandonment in a wasteland So long story short I had this FP who moved to another country last year and slowly and slowly she decreased communication till one day she stopped altogether (herself a patient of anxiety and depression and possibly BPD), in the beginning she kept saying she didnt know why she did it but at the end she just flat out blamed it on me even though I barely contacted her because of fear of abandonment. Used to tell her she could let me know if she wanted me out so I could go out myself but she always said it was fine till she did this. Its been 5 months since this incident and I started doing better last couple of months till I remembered her birthday. Tried texting her anonymously about it, she got anxious and kept asking who it was. She almost guessed it was me but the way she acted was like it didn't even matter a little bit to her like ""Oh its you. Cool cool. Have fun. Bye"". But then I confused her and stopped talking. Hurts like hell. Can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop stalking whatever I can, her profile her friends her social network.

Its pushing me back hard into that crazy spiral and I dont want that, it took everything to get any semblance of stability in my life. And I'm stuck in an authoritarian place, I dont have many social connections. Dont have support groups. Dont have people who would understand or help nearby. 

Please help a fellow human out. I want to be done with being me",2.8030562613430097,5.306265119298249,3.8104779189352698,85.24736842105266,78.50877192982456,6.73805202661827,24.915305505142165,7.873277556716777,1.5472601330913496,1169,43,221,20,29,376,164,285,0.166,0.696,0.138,-0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,1,10,17,1,2,8,2,29,1,0,1,0,47,53,22,0,8,7,0,1,3,2,1,1,2,0,1,20,15,0,8,5,0,0,5,8,7,0,1,17,5,42,10,29,30,1,40,1,4,0,0,42,15,1,5,23,152,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990353038798611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229375305923807,0.0,0.0,0.0672562334961379,0.10370657169095897,0.07565917657709441,0.11173024813443906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245930710293557,0.0,0.0,0.07604894742568688,0.0,0.06028927688538081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747010813187678,0.10797453700203748,0.0,0.124562647407547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792918219390994,0.10943233902156993,0.0,0.06378311679318008,0.0,0.08518349160633146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012103045335848,0.4636460587292944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875971416704092,0.0,0.0,0.1306466702439557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888605577445438,0.0,0.0,0.11129138924225886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641085135746177,0.0,0.10334363000301926,0.0,0.05620785289258822,0.0,0.0791003550499483,0.0,0.10895086418599796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859608331298709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258283053650774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058758210992882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870706813210647,0.1612354187359116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113321690184462,0.06985686945194375,0.14495444798248305,0.09912502304082683,0.0,0.08752448363442507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027033244942644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788404963924582,0.10511636443591296,0.0,0.0733340150091451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701803864046746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856566579383602,0.0,0.10333074394363403,0.10856386014338436,0.0,0.11149628597288133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120358233233506,0.0,0.09407772575683444,0.07865023428268221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181212631969582,0.0,0.0,0.20163471499297744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000280549413941,0.0,0.0,0.33074345481453005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223195316371873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949306901450266,0.08644404150238458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337192003074771,0.0971699644578594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988291477392398,0.06714744874210643,0.0,0.0,0.1029596769855636,0.0,0.08541891535579978,0.0,0.0,0.1750035383349989,0.078503199470343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924298444118106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025660205662744,0.0,0.0,0.06368915484573645
bpd,rhianthey,2019/04/27,"I was recently diagnose with BPD I got my dbt workbook as soon as I found it, and I'm starting dbt with my therapist too, and I know I'm in a really good place and we're starting this therapy before I've done anything rash. But...I feel like my therapist is treating this as a minor thing when to me it feels major. I feel like I could explode or implode at any moment and he seems to think that if I'm not suicidal, then I'm Fine. But I'm really not. I'm just not sure how to explain it to him.",1.2617940876656493,2.5244906330275256,3.9645259938837927,88.21011213047913,78.44954128440367,7.780224260958207,24.955147808358817,8.515128840125781,1.566032823649337,385,14,89,8,9,137,67,109,0.045,0.823,0.132,0.8369,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,1,24,21,13,1,2,7,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,11,6,11,16,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,9,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316082952344592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490378793946647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541110441291864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22810136971513506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446013854320158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838225675099544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185338137667086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274723569492886,0.2587696600746273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985774751152229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190625204550887,0.1448499988348315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953317328557212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696213548900736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922112461298546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204706614564766,0.0,0.17882401291842118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648754996751325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563808035465362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810465351338166,0.0,0.17069378079139194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071147645071802,0.4205647200219004,0.12032125963355135,0.1160478045492773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SomeContract,2019/04/27,"Does anyone suspect they have BPD, but their psychiatrist believes otherwise? I have lots of mood swings. I see this world in black and white, and it is really difficult to not think this way. The anger inside me makes it difficult to see the greys. I tell my psychiatrist my thoughts but i guess, being an introvert, and not indulging in extreme activities like alcoholism, self harm etc makes it seem like I'm not wild enough to be diagnosed with BPD. I always feel like I do have BPD because even normal depressed people wouldn't view life so black-and-whitish like I do. I'm ""aware"" of my thoughts but I don't rage out to others, and only internalize them, thus causing me anxiety. So yeah do I, or do I not? I will never know. I mean yeah sure labels aren't that important but somehow, if I have an answer as to why I'm the way I am, that'd be great honestly.",3.3794235588972437,5.124324122807022,4.4928696741854655,84.6059210526316,73.85380116959064,8.160568086883876,26.249373433583962,8.841846274778883,1.9328426065162905,679,24,138,14,14,222,103,171,0.14,0.674,0.187,0.8795,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,0,4,14,2,0,5,2,18,3,0,4,2,36,33,13,0,3,10,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,9,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,7,22,7,12,25,3,7,0,1,6,0,5,4,0,6,5,86,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809783804110882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153080753466876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601186249386396,0.0,0.0,0.09689702532432416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447591977841393,0.0,0.0,0.15613005694964766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236027741612381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423578754814945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935710917651687,0.14065384821648325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212706237934757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431882152113265,0.15455120611266804,0.09152952402984846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006924805872992,0.09900021793895522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278283769836984,0.15265939381331328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615889625225515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788180593064116,0.27080902722988803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781413979566838,0.0,0.0,0.18500390744899026,0.0,0.0,0.1509521697679863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687996904918412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577710906225934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539488494450992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607260166953728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877667541816578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208575980716808,0.12615629201603393,0.14456717464963667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060821345360646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112336210567567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879524700386017,0.0,0.2200310543945541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199936812449508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250451752601384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0218s,2019/04/27,"I hate BPD, but not as much as I hate myself.[TW]   

I hate every single day. I’m so alone. Even around the people I love I’m alone. What’s the use?

Everyone leaves me. At the end of every day I’m alone. With this terrible feeling, numb heavy feeing so deep inside my chest. I am terrified. I’m a failure. I am scared so fucking scared. Why am I so easy to throw away? My father no longer calls, everyone I love leaves. I’m closer to giving up than I ever have been. I am no longer fearing death and that is tearing me apart. I am so scared to die, but I can’t control myself.

I don’t deserve to live anyways. My dad doesn’t even want to see me or apologize for the years of abuse he gave me. I struggle every single day, and he doesn’t and he never will. At least not as much as me.

I’m really scared. I know I don't have much time left. I'm running out of happiness. I'm barely hanging on. I can't have anyone else leave me. Not again.",-1.3451650165016495,0.6756057376237621,1.289465346534655,97.81056765676573,98.05940594059406,4.079471947194721,15.644224422442242,5.8886186174403665,-0.6263153795379539,717,18,167,7,30,244,108,202,0.342,0.5429999999999999,0.115,-0.9961,0,3,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,11,15,4,6,5,0,17,5,1,2,2,19,38,15,2,1,6,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,1,3,12,12,0,0,2,2,27,3,22,35,6,23,0,0,1,3,11,11,1,1,9,102,30,0,0.0,0.1230887842068228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32278595675944416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264001523830206,0.1064442289186166,0.0,0.09248121259202867,0.0,0.0,0.09760500007176127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084169634924014,0.0,0.10607996383993293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651779837223812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099503438674712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781802137316214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678403023344165,0.0,0.09201280520316424,0.0,0.0,0.13723240724942454,0.09397149250052926,0.2625871451288341,0.1985364398700948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690145047959595,0.05252825078671227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604160541139264,0.0,0.09965761511945156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058935301234916,0.0,0.3076999065187013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057093428469855524,0.0,0.0,0.33000313256071184,0.11287323321630252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173388352855023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875236548542266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291060938505005,0.0,0.08012384853318137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202197617419158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655249770152154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41603494898776266,0.0,0.08278427142486472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860496363573408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060577186143090926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972477719502812,0.0,0.0,0.061275083393587775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374161287170514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689964634262177
bpd,myselfbutanonymous,2019/04/27,"Moving on from a breakup I’m about a week and a half into being broken up with by my boyfriend. We’ve had several talks and I’m pretty sure I have the closure I needed and have come to terms with it.

He lost feelings for me and that’s okay! I’m not beating myself up for that (surprisingly) but there is one thing I’m still struggling with. 

We decided to remain friends (I know, everyone says this is a bad idea) but for some reason, I get anxiety over the thought of him moving on/getting a new girlfriend. WHY?! If I’ve come to terms that we aren’t compatible, why am I struggling with this? I don’t want to get back together with him, but I also don’t want him to replace me. 

So if we’ve been texting on and off during the day and he doesn’t respond or read my text in the evening, my mind spirals thinking he’s on a date with a new woman. 

Has anyone experienced this and can provide some insight? Will it go away over time? I know one of the obvious answers will be to go no contact buuuut I want that to be last resort!",2.0897105943152456,3.627984888372096,3.886937984496125,88.46952842377262,76.86046511627906,6.638242894056847,25.89793281653747,7.3871296695380915,1.1854599483204142,801,30,174,10,18,270,121,215,0.10800000000000001,0.818,0.07400000000000001,-0.9021,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,2,7,8,0,2,12,1,18,0,0,1,2,44,38,15,0,6,7,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,10,18,0,0,10,1,0,6,6,4,0,3,4,3,20,4,32,29,4,28,0,1,0,0,15,11,0,5,11,118,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353573432303166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860893489493068,0.0,0.0,0.09927080297802618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338828055042862,0.10916845191102699,0.11854150130899754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445942882657924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156082173492107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377180895107086,0.0,0.0,0.13566125875418808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178580039557203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096879658991856,0.0,0.2225250542748129,0.0,0.16137302338136014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602702042486604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604926486806556,0.11572692096643235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498026986651714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335222965900998,0.0,0.0,0.3017896016824538,0.0,0.1052711597197505,0.0,0.2742367618722808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240912007736816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443755261178964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420113917875052,0.0,0.0,0.14597186066288154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129026056208095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038904723028072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133797987413442,0.0,0.0,0.2968419517025053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338078458205279,0.0,0.0,0.114112496960589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432053401906876,0.09097054776657412,0.0,0.11271068114185938,0.08278558162255367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512180116319519,0.0,0.11388215436851615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25621704928615224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kalimeg,2019/04/27,"In need of someone to relate to I just feel so out of place in the world, I’m so impulsive with everything. I make seriously impulsive choices. I’ve worked at the same job for 4 years and they treat me like shit. I’ve been in hospital where I get diagnosed with bpd. I’m in a relationship and been in the same one for 4 months and the first two months were great I missed him every day I was upset when he wasn’t there but now I don’t like him and don’t want to be with him but I’m scared il be on my own or il beg for him back after breaking up with him. 

I’m so lost and have no idea no one I know has BPD I’m the only person I know with it. Please tell me I’m not the only one with it going through this sort of stuff.",-0.5235437589670013,1.2097618536585415,1.9150358680057409,98.51518651362987,85.95121951219512,5.5661406025824975,16.35437589670014,6.794906146795322,-0.4772556671449069,560,11,146,7,17,191,92,164,0.126,0.789,0.085,-0.7709,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,9,10,1,2,7,0,11,2,1,1,0,27,27,12,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,12,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,5,6,1,17,4,26,19,3,23,0,2,0,0,10,12,1,2,11,93,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219055435444573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002784904671694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248260710023416,0.0,0.0,0.16128842174112046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388696544627104,0.0,0.14281639387677122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803487325464815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351671865868906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302294684228892,0.0,0.09031116059469196,0.0,0.0,0.17519679037556554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793879528456146,0.0,0.0,0.15769181354966974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466352088946904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552689853459625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346701137087858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607242043766248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536779298358584,0.0,0.0,0.11782837567555922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32304081399266343,0.24171360923056304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875246245940542,0.1660251891936806,0.17443342350979082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060787754754095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590947744573614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311692682236015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464235521167636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819118070839627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889272250791687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523016698140368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372814083122236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568702182861683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233163509029833
bpd,avocadoatlaw3,2019/06/21,Weight fluctuation + BPD? For most of my adult life my weight has fluctuated like crazy. I actually have to keep two sets of clothing to manage it because I go between a US women’s size 4 and size 12. I’ve never been able to figure out what causes the fluctuation but it usually rotates every year. Has anyone else with BPD experienced this? Please note I am not medicated aside from adderall.,3.709142857142858,6.133090733333336,5.423238095238094,75.26400000000002,75.0,8.019047619047619,26.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.356028571428572,315,12,56,7,7,107,62,75,0.024,0.898,0.078,0.5924,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,1,10,7,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,6,1,10,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,33,10,1,0.19140290946521032,0.0,0.1867816294364201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383336463738688,0.19611489969648424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166774370724158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821305281898899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966235123787218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989257057327802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126520636423414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877868433085858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012770036514174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519353541179316,0.0935097934303032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928182946788416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762172339465315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010291737783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697283061700606,0.0,0.2302341332679935,0.0,0.21080326357656112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661543589691956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325719830470686
bpd,MundaneYesterday48,2019/06/21,"Does anyone else want to be around people and not interact with them or have them acknowledge your existence in any way? I feel uneasy when alone. And I notice that having others around when I'm fully engaged in my own world (music, laptop, etc) is the best I've ever felt. Like a mutual unacknowledgment. So I'm talking small coffee shops with people in pairs engaged in each other talking low on a slow day, etc. I don't want people to look at me, be too loud, or talk to me or acknowledge me an any way. I just want them there while I enjoy my own world.",4.905357142857142,5.239410964285714,5.926785714285713,81.06821428571429,68.82142857142857,8.542857142857143,24.035714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.33895,436,9,87,6,7,145,74,112,0.057999999999999996,0.773,0.17,0.9019,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,20,14,9,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,14,5,13,11,6,20,0,1,1,0,8,12,0,3,7,60,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354856800713556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790220720769935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716653429893972,0.171691888521812,0.0,0.29833978232587005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585091591613908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806666047234824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466387503083154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998047799947624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737623344232157,0.0,0.15157367551569886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472675944896306,0.0,0.16089031208108634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818646265744239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071382709661734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077580108064615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485089580725184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040513037462794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29650554738538665,0.2660132972386097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,celery1066,2019/06/21,"Approaching my therapist to discuss BPD? Hey y'all. I posted something akin to this last night on r/depression (since those my boys) but I thought it might also be useful to hear from actual people who have been in my position.

I'm not diagnosed, obviously, but I have done a lot of research as of late and am fairly certain I have BPD. Everything is pretty on-the-nose, and I can even identify a few FPs I've had in my life.

I know the next step is to hear from my therapist to see if this could be a thing, but I'm not sure how. I haven't seen her in about a month (she was on vacation) but I have an appointment in about a week and want to talk about it. Anyone been here / have advice on how to bring it up?",2.6267818181818186,3.549716793333332,4.438848484848486,87.52609090909094,74.4,8.654545454545454,24.303030303030305,9.095868883498916,1.5896666666666666,549,16,126,12,11,187,93,150,0.018000000000000002,0.892,0.091,0.8798,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,7,0,19,2,0,3,3,22,30,12,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,7,4,16,2,23,19,2,18,0,0,2,0,10,8,0,3,6,90,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.1533830049206221,0.0,0.0,0.1535924725417735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569514893697273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990247643014224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959202486928972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254938024990353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353771370600489,0.15953230954903594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608476127282155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381455285838746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126140556571254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543019434788526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638089014903925,0.1281210066031356,0.17730357253250195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110194336020715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362707140588104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674096514230602,0.0,0.0,0.12545793923537105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716053178477128,0.14750085750285774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896739920784984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505330270343195,0.1599064805092631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525047536416736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300192235502622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210032640719308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813835670004444,0.0,0.0,0.12633368151934707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36499142629103015,0.10442204511233463,0.0,0.0,0.12478173446789192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357512822447315,0.0,0.0,0.09270762659295104,0.0,0.12607866976829124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,1982crew,2019/06/21,DAE Fear constantly that their parent (mom) is going to die? My wife who was fairly recently diagnosed with BPD has an overwhelming fear that her mother is going to die nearly every day. Sometimes to the point that she cries for a substantial amount of time. Anyone else experience this?,6.278529411764705,8.510891313725494,6.272696078431372,72.7996323529412,67.23529411764707,9.805882352941175,26.47549019607843,10.125756701596842,3.0052313725490194,231,7,36,6,4,73,43,51,0.27399999999999997,0.698,0.028999999999999998,-0.9474,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,7,5,1,8,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377478718592089,0.20185108658268264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24811620927432426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288839209115853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639664991827734,0.12704952474754874,0.0,0.0,0.19995214709408715,0.4089124415379442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456928645739718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598207062787876,0.0,0.0,0.1927050483510324,0.0,0.4433624075653605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392072874830185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307255120993397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187466021542211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862298811405405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451499247002307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948392981026794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487302758755563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oswiniela,2019/06/21,"My favorite person gave up on me and I have just acted very impulsive. So, like the title said, my favorite person gave up on me. He was my best friend and we used to talk everyday. We took a little break after a bit of a blow up and I tried reaching out again today. He said he was much better feeling without me and said I needed to leave him alone. I was too much for him, I suppose. I started freaking out and spiraling and he eventually blocked me on everything. 

​

This is where I get impulsive, during my spiraling before he blocked me, I was very upset so I went back through all out old chats and took screenshots of everything negative he had ever told me about his girlfriend just in case he did block me, so I could get some revenge and maybe feel better. Well when he did block me, it is the first thing I did. They have been together for 3 years I believe, now they may breakup, but his girlfriend told me she was happy I reached out to her to tell her this. 

​

I feel terrible about this now, because I really want there to be a chance that we become friends again, but I doubt that will happen. 

​

I'm sorry ex-best friend.",3.3746127327051236,5.186731558951966,4.002229372558033,87.83564008273962,74.02183406113538,6.917122500574582,26.89979315099977,7.669130373188453,1.4809860262008732,913,34,182,12,19,289,125,229,0.111,0.731,0.158,0.9095,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,2,4,18,13,0,2,6,0,18,0,0,1,2,36,39,14,0,3,5,0,3,1,5,2,0,3,0,2,7,15,0,4,3,1,0,4,2,4,1,1,20,6,41,9,25,15,6,32,0,0,0,0,37,13,0,3,15,130,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004157585091578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151509089917641,0.35343146937984243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455212716586751,0.0,0.05910264361632631,0.10707877343273328,0.08250125057582626,0.10923466874224794,0.2034958087988742,0.1714969857020598,0.1058493468449062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741038418465325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770101517809162,0.0,0.0,0.1742731426978633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706952492527806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246956023988096,0.0,0.0,0.22472072395822135,0.0,0.10130958687227178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573666066166813,0.10321000836521503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266095588284134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736713570694367,0.09717401191226974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974039591842121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254562016285852,0.07189063093723737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173757650032388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931408946463278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211161976626235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27667817155336977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853277245496856,0.06862498737758742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792846042695585,0.08474262160057894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441234920389917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190165429439874,0.1852886110790822,0.2154403266024631,0.06582583069117177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373767232214313,0.0,0.1599954502135098,0.057186353815861825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717385772920766,0.08987791498200351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934608051758754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35343146937984243,0.0624356040665225
bpd,complicatedfun,2019/06/21,"How did you know you had BPD? Hey everyone,

Not really posted very much or followed this subreddit for very long but i was just curious to know your story of how you discovered that you had BPD? Or how you got diagnosed with BPD?

I got diagnosed with chronic depression about 4 years ago but i feel like i might have been misdiagnosed and might actually have BPD. The emotional/stress/abandonment/self-image/perfectionist symptoms of BPD sounds exactly like me except not the anger/unstable relationships/difficulty trusting and self harm. Because i didn't match some of the symptoms during a psych evaluation with my psychotherapist, he ruled BPD out. I am however, not so sure.",6.8634166666666685,8.978465841666672,7.113333333333332,67.81166666666668,65.58333333333334,12.0,34.166666666666664,11.645159339076185,4.8561666666666685,551,25,89,20,9,178,82,120,0.11,0.785,0.105,-0.3716,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,6,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,11,5,0,3,2,26,17,10,0,0,9,0,1,2,0,2,5,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,8,2,14,4,11,7,2,6,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,5,5,58,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.10193770734593496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925973199967782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367773142385122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7893808534616884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997108242923982,0.21204901926972589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981582624954677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281801927293305,0.07462611008386337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670921074066907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481676089017916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206757469070908,0.0,0.0,0.09244364586558232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163070434108945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678998062507497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004362389212176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691962998223439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179487301041944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965836094189188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845213594434256,0.2171474818317192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238056852197556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726869364496048
bpd,thatweirdgurl,2019/06/21,Memories won't go away Elementary school was a crazy place where I was bullied for being silent and different...,10.000500000000002,9.473154050000002,9.320000000000004,63.86500000000004,58.5,14.0,40.0,13.023866798666859,5.512999999999997,91,4,15,3,1,29,19,20,0.302,0.698,0.0,-0.7579,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472381615066506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49734147685344504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705341653555685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49734147685344504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817594867462243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wtfyikesdood,2019/06/21,"Is there a name for claiming not to ""know"" a long time friend or relative? I am related to someone I think has BPD. One thing I've seen over the years has been him claiming things like ""I feel like I don't even know my uncle John any more"" then proceeds to cut John out of his life. Except John hasn't done anything worse than be out of touch for a few months and lives in another state. And then doing this to siblings and children and parents and long time friends. In some cases acting out before shunning them and going no contact for a while.

This upsets everyone because there is never any event or fight or incident before suddenly someone is labeled and cut out.

It always seems to start with a ""I dont even know X any more"" and then I know that X will be attacked or simply cut off for a year or two before trying to make up.

Maybe it isn't a BPD thing. Maybe it is. I just wonder if that behavior has a name?",3.814013911620293,4.6405695585106415,4.548936170212767,88.20653846153849,71.5,7.273977086743042,26.16366612111293,7.321109707123232,1.1373841243862524,719,22,152,7,13,231,109,188,0.091,0.835,0.07400000000000001,-0.2746,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,5,10,5,1,9,0,18,1,0,1,1,35,30,18,0,1,9,1,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,10,13,0,0,8,0,0,2,7,6,0,2,3,3,11,4,24,24,4,28,0,0,1,0,11,9,0,9,18,104,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520667344905328,0.0,0.0,0.2579468428088837,0.1325814295352125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404782807850567,0.0,0.0,0.1438416541612326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707552554072979,0.0,0.32276867108577384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184888593019212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939013063457286,0.14818457563103474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702241740837734,0.0,0.0,0.12081707519160073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393093005126874,0.09032744297199798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537160933569067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185771707709382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27794841269047355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930700787596133,0.12354259148446126,0.0,0.1116472070430816,0.22378757624277007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439845006199696,0.0,0.2540482416524972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092172878087984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751689955967556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567776586113783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039460783322255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151045473421438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142612763181091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089493576661136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519996752648876,0.08101646417456661,0.0,0.0,0.14745420957350053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584320741408702,0.0,0.12351170494685618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371167852675758,0.0,0.0,0.12885128153990186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284405236150307
bpd,sinnersneedsleeptoo,2019/06/21,"Does anyone relate to the more asocial part of bpd? I was just diagnosed borderline (so happy to find this community btw!), but never considered it because I couldn't identify with the thought, ""I am afraid of being abandoned"" until it was pointed out to me. I push people away. I leave them and feel relief. I never do drastic things so anyone will stay. 

 The handful of times I left people that I sort of bonded with (or they left) or (the relationship was going to end eventually) it was always a relief because any positive or neutral relationship I've had with them turned ugly like clockwork before it was time to part ways. Usually because of something I did or said. I've done this like clockwork since I was in elementary school. When did my mom say she wanted to move us to Texas? Got in a fight with 5th grade best friend and made her cry. When didn't show up the next day (or the day after that) it was a relief. I never saw her again. Its near graduation and HS friend is going to stay in Michigan and I'm leaving the state? Made an unusually snarky comment about her to someone else and began behaving covertly hostile towards her. But the thing is, I don't remember doing any of this *consciously* as a way to prevent distress. They were just things that happened. I am perfectly nice to strangers and acquaintances, but with intimates, I start to get pissed at them randomly. I never think, ""You are abandoning me! Let me do something so drastic so you will stay!"" Its, ""Ok, let me say something shitty or make you feel bad so you stop talking to me because this tune is getting old anyway.""

I don't have any interpersonal relationships at the moment and feel better because of it. Just the thought of any sort of relationship (even just talking to strangers) makes me anxious and feels intrusive and like a trap. I have a safe and distant FP (a celebrity lmfao) who I feel intensely for, but that's about it. If he magically appeared in my life, I'd probably be eventually pissed at him too. I feel **good** will this dynamic of no people.  

Does anyone relate to the above more asocial part of bpd?",3.1400499999999987,5.671248905000002,4.269500000000002,82.26350000000002,77.45,7.0,27.25,8.07648339933343,2.016725,1662,69,302,30,40,541,202,400,0.133,0.721,0.147,0.8233,0,0,3,0,1,0,61.0,1,4,5,3,18,26,4,2,19,1,34,5,3,4,5,63,61,30,0,3,15,1,7,3,2,3,2,3,0,0,22,16,0,5,12,1,0,5,9,9,0,0,21,11,43,17,49,32,6,47,0,2,1,0,32,15,2,11,24,214,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306525849857332,0.0,0.0,0.2061654302251172,0.0,0.0,0.0856237164883701,0.0,0.15898719837569952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120935321925649,0.0,0.06328339793436404,0.2310113884787627,0.0,0.06449365808568072,0.0,0.0795393343915515,0.06703212303689828,0.0,0.0,0.1909154769589586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325427377820242,0.09775951633925488,0.0,0.0,0.07692758091678988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265269088611986,0.07756182918933398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633147344720069,0.0,0.06712947432600244,0.0,0.0,0.0500600940206361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993716068913994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927278175163673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117113873503511,0.0,0.07919668866760601,0.0,0.0861490123015585,0.06357097854899861,0.060618019632219536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702287346589447,0.08068230413560322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050618726977553,0.164697093943748,0.15500550721306885,0.05353433725056448,0.1110848562946551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343299845321647,0.10118388683045404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876701630634605,0.0,0.08055521165511988,0.0,0.0,0.23382275200207625,0.0,0.0806059623365136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953126076855181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24622699883956026,0.0,0.1576344963014046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164821412906316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171690980705391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254902283350736,0.08585789195811183,0.0,0.0720958259072452,0.12054614528128878,0.0,0.07670584581349386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269616711921684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421856301624844,0.17504582766467075,0.0,0.0,0.0536461743449148,0.2423534962087789,0.0,0.06336574982664507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183794662119295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510590929370335,0.0485646403246811,0.0,0.12034122745857476,0.08839018988618443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244024934003354,0.0,0.0,0.0911687951603417,0.0,0.08347450173155861,0.0,0.044704257504281086,0.12032078702252068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadistwallflower,2019/06/21,"Suicidal thoughts last night. Yet today I felt amazing and unstoppable. DAE feel like this? What the fuck is up with me? Last night I was feeling so shitty because I haven't seen this girl I'm obsessing over for ages. I was on the verge of tears and fucked up my sleep. Felt like my lowest moment in a while.

YET today I woke up thinking it would be the worst day in the world, considered calling in sick... only it went great. I was calm, confident and normal. Had a ton of meetings and I didn't get anxious. I didn't have ANY negative thoughts! I enjoyed my day.

Now I'm in a slightly crazy phase where I don't give a shit. I feel unstoppable. Is this mania? Maybe it's the lack of sleep.

Wish it wasn't such a rollercoaster.",0.4773044096728327,2.8872861756756802,1.8789758179231881,95.46517069701281,89.27027027027027,5.277951635846373,20.627311522048366,6.8360192770164,0.4207783783783783,566,19,123,8,19,181,89,148,0.21600000000000005,0.5870000000000001,0.19699999999999998,-0.6478,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,3,1,10,0,14,6,3,0,0,17,32,6,1,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,8,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,14,6,15,6,14,16,3,27,0,0,1,2,4,12,3,0,16,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045666948398872,0.0,0.0,0.17371271261762913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937348122319858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570130918831527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833372649487835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23324733819707225,0.10985103049218167,0.29528047792437184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284309852100229,0.08033680493565301,0.1475071230531088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695284365235892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25068092505221323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024537989467798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544794152365471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885994450492097,0.1506588132657997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694657810650795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783940741978425,0.0,0.0,0.3077556910593533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819591854366212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852755467868199,0.0,0.24414732178091736,0.0,0.0,0.29150588812967176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254336133135806,0.0,0.0,0.17682422791320065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923152079523776,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inbedwithabook,2019/06/21,"Words of encouragement? I'm struggling. I care for my mom and she has been in and out of the hospital multiple times the past few months. I am going to have to quit my job to care for her 24/7 and I don't want to, she can be a terrible person and has no regard for my personal well being. But I feel this obligation to take care of her (sigh) and my BPD makes me feel horrible and complicates everything. I'm having awful thoughts right now and I guess I just need some words of encouragement. I don't have many friends so I don't have anyone to really talk to besides my SO/FP.",1.844045454545455,3.7324649500000007,3.7095454545454563,87.89727272727276,78.66666666666666,8.03030303030303,22.57575757575757,8.841846274778883,1.510916666666667,454,14,100,11,11,153,73,120,0.14400000000000002,0.721,0.135,-0.0196,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,3,1,14,0,0,1,0,20,28,9,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,2,2,18,7,16,24,2,8,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,4,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543421118426004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259364197231554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487025975286858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122487457484913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814107466994593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859687910468355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019519198345792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976191795232886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780176782993338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974474510026345,0.18187410423248065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010032474291426,0.1431880168304887,0.0,0.0,0.1330159974914479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124880723558406,0.0,0.3132742362374911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080418646795655,0.0,0.0,0.11492233342939705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319875420768708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187538203284413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487954837624005,0.14418752153829262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424162488561638,0.1046042120819124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580933560531136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612938638854255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Edo99Pal,2019/06/21,"Do I have BPD? I've been wondering for months what's wrong with me.

I'm not sure when it's started. It could have been years ago or just months ago.

In October 2018 I left my girlfriend because we used to argue too much. Though two days later I came back to her saying ""I didn't mean to break up, I just needed a pause"" so she decided to give me a chance to change myself for her. 

She complained about how I treated her and I used to either agree or disagree with her. It used to be like  one day i told her ""You're right, I treated you bad. I'm sorry, I'll get better"" and the next one ""I didn't treat you bad at all. I won't change myself because of you. Deal with it.""

After months of this, she decided to give up with me and then I started begging her for months. To the point that she told me that I mentally abused her with my ""I love you/I hate you thing"" and my breakdowns. I used to tell her terribly mean things just to apologize right after.

Now, I know this looks like an usual break-up reaction but there's more.

I ended a friendship which lasted for years for lack of trust. This just brought to a friend of mine telling me that I went nuts and right now I don't even know if we're still friends. 

I just know that during a day I feel happy to be lonely because ""F\*\*\* off everybody. I don't need anybody. I will be important someday and I need no friends that are gonna begging me."" 

But few hours later I use to wallow in self pity 'cause nobody wants to be my friend. 

Months ago I used to get drunk weekly and I decided just 5 days ago to stop smoking. I used to smoke 20 cigarettes a day.

Also, a friend of my ex-girlfriend told me that I'm bipolar (though I'm not) but I read that bipolarism is strictly correlated to BPD so I don't know. I have a really variable mood. 

Could I suffer from BPD?",0.8235130224106584,2.8534918923884547,2.342834645669292,95.66568746214416,82.83202099737532,5.482495457298608,20.005451241671715,6.67199483983844,0.08424215626892861,1405,39,322,15,39,456,177,381,0.126,0.7440000000000001,0.13,0.8256,0,2,2,0,1,0,53.0,1,4,0,1,21,26,2,0,11,0,21,4,0,9,2,59,60,21,0,8,15,0,1,2,6,3,2,1,0,1,18,14,1,1,11,2,0,3,9,10,0,3,10,3,64,15,44,41,6,50,0,3,1,1,37,11,0,4,37,204,82,1,0.0,0.08412476412226452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517529766562641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677960180956267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054595509216846465,0.11856600536148998,0.12984494394570856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279475596133544,0.0,0.0,0.2682704256199812,0.0,0.0,0.08120641184280789,0.0,0.07293774924503449,0.15021962522050694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337729730581818,0.0,0.0,0.2289493713350896,0.07319907806403485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288595328830138,0.0,0.0,0.046895596394835724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03590031972175727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742765995301815,0.0,0.07419035102156445,0.13622156427874732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558205482772196,0.0,0.07009894584934838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699218402709521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608152225754945,0.05787542160448945,0.0,0.0,0.07714296782787193,0.0,0.0,0.06937516050509245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596230921009509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408131875545135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468215536782856,0.0,0.0,0.07155246938897596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833622416567798,0.0,0.05219402192312938,0.15793938093301535,0.0,0.0,0.07551053889735461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622444675821408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711904557794553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102037368406425,0.0,0.045485161032061884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190380747869767,0.0,0.05646297202052995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406969440920748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947998540285763,0.10050997264084434,0.0,0.0567016179017741,0.05936014878241173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669177528113605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411628626935647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434003128619624,0.0,0.13951655794693707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353395252099785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935781621533738,0.0,0.0,0.42925543836229263,0.07819774650941509,0.0,0.041878323604173935,0.0,0.05695284763704371,0.0,0.0,0.06581878642944307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699772905505882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762862225082699,0.0,0.0914448380443751
bpd,jat1003,2019/06/21,"There are treatment alternatives that really work. Before going with what they tell you to do, check out your other options that have actually worked 
Energy Healing is what I am doing to heal myself and get over this horrible condition.  

Using CBD for symptom treatment rather than anti depressants/SSRI 

Diet and herbal supplements to accompany the energy healing 

I’m sure it sounds ridiculous to some of you but I’ve had other issues completely fixed and cured using this technique",7.083872633390706,9.898831397590364,7.231876075731499,64.33253012048195,66.34939759036145,10.04406196213425,31.1342512908778,10.290406445055957,4.123538382099829,398,16,52,11,7,128,67,83,0.071,0.872,0.057,-0.2988,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,7,5,0,2,1,12,12,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,10,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,40,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.2737481519112762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387028156429534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29412106196279697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656070949984787,0.0,0.15942661969896224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927911723637918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797090155466756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643878400660956,0.2915688580374525,0.0,0.0,0.2451878273339854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845603677319139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084454393394311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadphic,2019/06/21,"Feeling very alone So I'm normally not a post my feelings online person but I've been struggling pretty hard recently and all the dae posts and stuff on this subreddit always makes me feel less isolated and crazy. I've lost a lot of friends over the past year and feel like I'm ruining my relationship. My boyfriend has turned into like the only person I talk to or hang out with literally ever and I know it's not healthy for either of us. I have a hard time talking to people about how I feel because I can never tell what's ""normal"" and what's, as my family would say, me being overdramatic or whiny. I'm not sure what else to say so if anyone else on here is looking for someone to chat with sometimes about literally anything pm me and we can exchange snaps or smth. I'm 19, bi, in college for idk yet, and I have tons of time on my hands.",2.9351610239471526,4.508551768786127,4.371482246077623,85.73065028901738,74.66473988439306,7.254995871180843,25.65194054500413,7.957251820313856,1.4255073492981007,668,23,138,10,14,222,110,173,0.14400000000000002,0.767,0.08900000000000001,-0.7133,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,6,0,9,2,1,2,4,38,23,17,0,4,9,0,8,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,6,13,0,0,6,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,2,11,16,4,22,19,5,18,0,2,1,1,12,7,0,5,10,87,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763698520236126,0.0,0.0,0.11057755405676632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929218185588951,0.1361644996049203,0.10935954874964847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101028967578687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220299619901354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020925308449673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527961643461707,0.0,0.3359732630015558,0.09493872755973412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267273921048577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380919043686718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303447258066928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129849534638137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159658163856727,0.0,0.14506831902964268,0.11298080704875092,0.0,0.0,0.08870705505727347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249521136822247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604136886659905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107105293552192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686132789559834,0.09213121693816057,0.2320739411042705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545493619353593,0.13519987402393066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312157247391694,0.1426772607278103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136356551171606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259973862689725,0.0,0.13143449450126138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892853260627944,0.15213059737850174,0.0,0.0,0.12525000300283584,0.0,0.0,0.21362858805970245,0.11615426829828172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498185899687553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445493342115941,0.0,0.0,0.15985381833265613,0.0,0.0,0.1096505754695547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440331644820198,0.0,0.0,0.08557868247562687
bpd,equilibrium-7,2019/06/21,"A question for the people with BPD that have found positivity Does anyone know of any subreddits, or YouTube channels or anything at all really that I can look into to see the positive side of BPD and learn how to cope with it in a healthy way. I’m still waiting for proper psychiatric help (I have an apt next month) and I can’t afford to see my therapist for a while. I’m recently unemployed, smoke weed daily and have no friends and I just need something positive to keep me going and make me feel like I am working on my mental issues while I wait for this appointment 😊",6.992631578947368,6.2645300175438585,7.449824561403509,75.49210526315792,64.6140350877193,11.108771929824565,34.78947368421053,10.504223727775694,3.494168421052631,458,18,89,10,6,151,81,114,0.019,0.799,0.183,0.9601,3,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,2,1,23,20,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,10,2,16,19,1,13,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,3,7,56,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276496063170577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125157636725526,0.0,0.15446978316621676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4728297163502891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426676140633192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491209076640134,0.1341004496443279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581492200057008,0.14502470012227658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066802275521122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258184204097472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592103848151987,0.0,0.16684575566908433,0.0,0.0,0.10316080554631266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170588983365592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576295802688734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529824525318126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189168077661739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982876480400764,0.0,0.0,0.13918498938992951,0.0,0.0,0.1996322923358854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301348557669783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102787680789644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025218064515115,0.0,0.1853415159462482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29916200009823124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445087469445626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990588235996816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179464085674223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899589206990274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665551114873378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,commander-tyko,2019/06/21,"I just need to go away for awhile Some times when I get all freaked out and split on someone I know I’m being crazy and I don’t want to take it out on the person. But it starts eating me more and more in that moment and I start to feel out of control even though I’m very well aware that I’m in control enough to make the next decision, even if it’s a bad one. When this happens I just want to leave and never come back. 

I think it’s a coping strategy. I haven’t done it in so long, just go drive on the countryside at some stupid hour of the morning when I’m feeling alone and rejected and like I have nowhere else to go

My FP got home from work, and woke me up to say hi but then left to play video games with his friends and I’ve always felt so ostracized by that group and like they all secretly hated me and it’s stressing me out because I go to all lengths after a late night at work to stay up and spend time with this person. I get I was sleeping but once I’m woken up doesn’t it seem a bit different? I’m not mad I just feel unbelievably unimportant and on top of it I’ve never really had friends.

I just feel gross",2.3095528455284544,3.1395919065040667,3.5546341463414635,93.91943089430895,75.0569105691057,7.0926829268292675,23.016260162601622,7.3871296695380915,0.5513674796747967,883,23,215,10,18,288,133,246,0.11699999999999999,0.773,0.11,-0.4217,1,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,5,15,14,3,1,8,0,8,2,1,3,5,53,41,24,0,4,10,0,5,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,13,20,1,2,10,3,1,6,6,8,1,1,7,6,21,6,36,33,9,44,0,1,0,0,11,19,0,4,20,131,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560543995145462,0.0,0.0,0.10091141058949622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139428657171589,0.09325381664205204,0.1012604578889905,0.07392877038364125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240206493900106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446860109466974,0.0,0.0,0.2720428634562953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267076872907745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410753206655473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409570251786788,0.10131059982595894,0.0,0.0,0.1253106058125043,0.0,0.160203409044283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452833121806113,0.0,0.11644405174256925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739519120668427,0.0,0.12672348861689173,0.0,0.27569595556129506,0.0,0.09699555688600607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724403362839983,0.0,0.0,0.1197350173449643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164979263588985,0.0,0.11943250581295435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665015981445688,0.0,0.13680469632318135,0.12841385377102113,0.131766811597469,0.0,0.0,0.11849872984165773,0.0,0.0,0.10732551106654904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095272256134535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992467378948138,0.18707117273594653,0.0,0.12897848284385294,0.11380938200998895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915506308805827,0.08217980785592267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178718373417105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776925598398717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644360342815672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040518492570683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136366029238142,0.0,0.10275682577510853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167966182197955,0.12926416089178086,0.0,0.0,0.13892133549284308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118451627884666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770881269036523,0.11915312907548893,0.0,0.1414341105711962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000654638906412,0.14306354374858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904175713958343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658085567198167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,recyclebun,2019/06/21,"What's the stupidest thing you've done to get people's attention? Also, what were the consequences of what you did and how did you deal with them?

I used to do extremely shitty stuff when I felt even the slightest bit neglected by my past SO, like completely cut off contact with him for three days so he'd miss me, or ""faint"" in the middle of the sidewalk. Then I'd be disgusted with myself after and feel like a worthless piece of shit. I've improved a lot now, but I sometimes get the urge to be toxic again with my current SO. I try as much as possible to stop the passive-aggressiveness, but at times it just slips out in the form of  the silent treatment or being cold. Even when I'm aware of what I'm doing. I always end up apologizing afterwards (like after an hour or so), but sometimes the guilt just floods and I end up breaking down and sobbing out of shame and disgust. When this happens, my emotions suddenly intensify and I start getting terrified of him leaving me for how crappy I'm being. 

Why is it so difficult to just ask honestly for attention? Does anyone else have episodes like this? I'm sorry this is all over the place, this just happened last night so it's a fresh wound.",4.884788135593219,5.837255826271187,5.462500000000002,82.17052966101697,69.12711864406779,8.78135593220339,30.00423728813559,9.017664075816787,2.3863271186440684,949,36,186,17,16,306,139,236,0.205,0.7240000000000001,0.071,-0.9863,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,0,20,16,4,2,15,0,14,3,1,3,1,33,29,27,0,0,10,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,12,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,1,5,3,19,5,34,19,6,34,0,4,0,0,10,12,2,4,25,133,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609228397574176,0.12079295219216828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015061409391622,0.14874367615876205,0.0,0.0,0.13571422188712734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584878876124425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220783542779653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362254959887498,0.1496637504763416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703912209233265,0.14855916788823256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127078959503468,0.1632965523019792,0.25715481315690275,0.0,0.0,0.19176664578032104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340224269160417,0.10370937643837784,0.13938583053229675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22753577934404046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567464541679689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429630690977251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833281083335442,0.0,0.1537139200488951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836906416227609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341822299185927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067165499902384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362320788089723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385810569445338,0.10064250179837046,0.0,0.15167160506314295,0.0,0.0,0.1636572041067545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901477435001342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871534055192133,0.1625057721736676,0.10275197354633234,0.0,0.0,0.12136850259012236,0.0,0.0,0.16618475723087225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644440391719092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846497123405915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985608052155888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538014825320595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099321822557072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blaque-Rainbow,2019/06/21,"What is this? I would like to move on with my life but i cannot. 

You live in a shell. But nobody else knows this accept for you. Your thoughts? Prison. Couple that with emotional immaturity and no social skills = fake it till you make it. As you grow older, you realize how dumb you actually might be. You lack the ability to keep important information embedded in your mind and behaviour/way of life. You don't know how to speak up because its the scariest thing ever. But, remember, you still have to fake it. That is the only way you will be considered a functional human in society. Your best super power might be your ability to avoid confrontation at all costs. You fear confrontation. Confrontation is the one thing that makes you weep. Literally. When faced with confrontation, your throat closes up and your eyes become watery. I don't really know how I did it, but in Primary school (when I was 13 y/o), I was the head girl. Mainly because of my academics (dux scholar every year) but I don't really know how I did as the head girl. I don't know how I got through it because I know for a fact i was anxious all the time. I did everything i did within that anxiety. I know it was bad because if i was asked to go back, i wouldn't agree to it AT ALL. I did drama too. I loved drama. I still do but I can't get myself to join a drama club or whatever because my thought is, I have to audition, I can't audition because I feel as though I look stupid and I don't know what i am doing. Even though there is a possibility that I do great. It's a weird, uncomfortable and terrifying feeling. I think that being an adult is terrifying because I don't know stuff. I don't know how to live. My motto is fake it till you make it. Maybe I am overthinking it too much? I feel as though everything that i do or have to do 'socially', the only way to make it through is to fake it because i really do not know what i am doing. I also feel as though i don't have or can't explain my identity. I just go with whatever is happening in that moment. I am definitely socially anxious but like I said, you wouldn't know unless i tell you. I suffer internally. In my mind. Sometimes it shows though, you just have to pay close attention. I think i have gotten very good at hiding my awkward.

I am 24 y/o now and I don't know how I am gonna survive out there.

What is this? How do I make it go away?",1.1198371873525232,3.3338081533742385,3.3764775051124762,87.60420658329402,83.0081799591002,7.1971212836243526,21.87828378165801,8.263242389622931,1.3157484347962876,1853,61,398,42,52,634,196,489,0.195,0.703,0.102,-0.9938,1,1,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,22,0,5,28,25,6,3,15,0,63,8,5,13,5,83,103,41,0,5,15,0,4,2,0,7,2,2,0,4,34,13,0,2,27,5,4,5,17,17,0,1,15,8,79,8,47,77,7,37,0,2,2,1,36,17,1,6,15,293,113,4,0.0,0.0,0.06794137537106887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567697216956203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053260911038861734,0.15730688795362624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650875036329052,0.0,0.06541249438543853,0.05353529349227466,0.058131758328534365,0.3395291313558081,0.07689242118820036,0.0,0.0,0.07306436625381278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703581161055016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581605438882952,0.07831577850430205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598490887814826,0.06297740608639729,0.058659836906578125,0.0,0.12514416686453256,0.0,0.0,0.07834450558397711,0.14081261849849902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03637480695031926,0.0,0.11870396644670453,0.05839592819512793,0.055683357446598684,0.07675889221726223,0.0,0.0,0.061566818628233475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290524463661838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061883548111241714,0.0,0.0,0.4974141321068911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835265668116636,0.06802793182058563,0.0,0.12295563007743528,0.0,0.05846524339324957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283689365949742,0.0,0.23236731306962954,0.0,0.06994501351564031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771663273033986,0.1405974629707445,0.0,0.0,0.07399754515230461,0.05118044180334781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717790961406754,0.10590187661886462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848874435362217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380559025778396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886855619040847,0.0,0.06622680299946795,0.0,0.0,0.07046154025800977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291366963221395,0.0,0.0,0.06885828937101865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120100533549453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970093951534367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085300703222365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250799810139801,0.08922238776099396,0.3420180516613125,0.11054474601437744,0.04059735511046853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744573434874705,0.0,0.16578895432448265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049457723455631736,0.0,0.0,0.0448345139855252
bpd,eightsunflowers,2019/06/21,"Biosocial theory I had a session with my therapist and she was telling be about this theory created by Dr. Marsha Linehan. The theory is basically about whether we are born a certain way (eg- we are born with depression or BPD etc) or whether our environment impacts us and causes these issues. 

I was wondering what everyone’s opinion is about this theory. Personally, I think that we are born a certain way but our environment impacts us and can heighten the way we feel and the way we behave.

As I said, it is just a theory so everyone’s opinions are welcome.",4.005714285714287,6.5807212380952445,5.811666666666671,72.09750000000003,74.71428571428572,9.914285714285716,33.35714285714286,10.125756701596842,4.2737428571428575,450,24,75,15,10,154,62,105,0.023,0.892,0.085,0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,9,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,2,25,16,11,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,11,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,15,3,7,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,14,0,0,5,3,59,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267235775779762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849257972931908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504733055634165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007651836355528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34402559109899555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102138901110103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788970841424305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718283862735033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123623331641633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734172930345267,0.0,0.0,0.2090121993689158,0.0,0.11534684535362573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330736456043286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.571552599616802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952194382559892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TenAriAri,2019/06/21,"Psychotic symptoms when drunk So long story short i had to stop drinking completely because i get completely out of control when i drink. Im talking full psychosis level delusions and extreme suicidal ideations. I have been hospitalized several times because of drinking and overdosed multiple times with meds when drunk. Drinking is not for me. 
Can anybody relate or is this just me?",6.884512820512822,10.053184246153847,6.062692307692312,70.89147435897438,68.07692307692308,8.64102564102564,43.141025641025635,9.2995712137729,5.097564102564103,316,21,42,7,6,96,49,65,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.8885,0,0,4,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,0,9,7,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,6,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,7,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481610378137406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694783909806487,0.0,0.1976199106448988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6904238992860244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205565688769947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032298863237854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592879473051813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571513910886976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905245027566676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730857621978824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273091305745185,0.0,0.0,0.18313614096322275,0.0,0.1416204692236082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054837678012519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheUpstairsRoom,2019/06/21,"Need help to stop being pathetic/annoying Ok y'all I have the bpd. I've been working on all my toxic traits while in relationships and have mostly managed them. But I'm still the WORST ex ever. So me and my ex/fp broke up almost a year ago, we maintained contact, tried to be friends talked, hung out, after a few months started sleeping together again and I kinda thought things were getting better and maybe we'd date again, but I'm February he randomly disappeared a few days before Valentine's day (still talked but stopped visiting) and then told me the first week of April he met a girl and was interested in her, now last I heard (begining of may) they're seeing eachother, don't know if they're dating or still just casual or even if they've stopped sing eachother by now but none of that matters, what matters is he's basically stopped talking to me/ responding to texts and I haven't seen him since begining of may, which as someone with bpd makes me freak out and cling and try harder to get him to talk to me. Logically I'm aware we broke up a long time ago, I'm annoying him, he's with someone new, probably doesn't want to be friends anymore, most likely will never like me again as more than a friend and I want to cut contact stop bugging him and let him live his life, but I can't stop texting him. I've tried literally everything including deleting his number so I can't text him then realized I'd memorized it. I still want him to be able to contact me if he wants to but how in the world do I do no contact??? I text him multiple times a day wether he responds or not and it annoys even me at this point that I just won't /can't stop. Longest I've going with no contact since we met about 2 years ago is 15 days. I wanna do atleast 30 or 45days if not always. How do I shut my affection off. How do you forcibly make yourself stop loving/liking someone who probably doesn't care about you anymore??? Help. Seriously.",2.8763208831090314,4.8151439820051385,3.9481513685165583,87.13428814456373,75.76092544987145,7.249992439135037,27.12241040375019,8.124751697461798,1.7340058369877518,1535,61,313,26,34,497,207,389,0.154,0.76,0.086,-0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,4,3,1,3,21,18,3,0,11,1,29,2,1,6,3,75,55,36,0,10,18,1,0,2,3,4,1,1,0,1,9,20,0,8,5,2,0,3,14,8,0,1,9,3,44,10,37,36,8,62,0,2,2,0,51,13,0,15,48,191,53,2,0.08120197169870501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159419453928668,0.0,0.08131204505574323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675665454076492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106107260884947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909689710778125,0.0,0.0,0.0718165451592682,0.0,0.0,0.20454208148948275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279082197455112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094742162966164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726627294592042,0.07345183230209318,0.0,0.0,0.07297909622943519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907035564487203,0.0,0.0,0.18820932571265844,0.0,0.0848493574495744,0.0,0.046148951816546185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885593993108074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044626480030587584,0.06619044481723488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303451766382942,0.05735535403839656,0.07934236340393121,0.0,0.07170282869904263,0.07186118967632346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840589330505908,0.0,0.08157829485816402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481463909790731,0.0,0.0,0.060210233108142386,0.06262796651680727,0.07842537026812238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676211005204765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509891907209058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718052861483698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470745818915115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434222021438186,0.0,0.08126061479153722,0.0,0.206406501329864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057475173512598066,0.0,0.25939199796579515,0.543107874589761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106827590159803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053946981825708194,0.0,0.0,0.06446529518051505,0.09469904541294663,0.0,0.0,0.07759196379216109,0.0,0.1653924256380246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158010711374984,0.0,0.06513532366927424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911600250747255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458281492549283
bpd,Gimmiethekeys,2019/06/21,"In college I lied to therapists... On my first wave of ""self-growth"" I was strong enough to realize that I needed help, but too stubborn to apparoach it with an open mind/heart. In college, I took some time to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I was so worried that I was a sociopath (sometimes I still am). When I first started looking, I was once diagnosed with BPD, and wasn't sure how I felt. I saw two more after until someone told me I had PTSD, and that was a thing I was willing to live with. Sometimes I worry what would have happened if I would have stuck out the BPS therapy, other-times I'm convinced it's just PTSD. It was so long ago that sometimes I think back on the conversations and wonder if I tried to manipulate the results. 

Regardless of answer, I know that my therapist taught me a lot about myself, and I wouldn't have traded her for anyone in the world. 

​

Either way. I'm glad I found this group.",4.2245002056766765,5.190084465240645,4.785775401069522,86.37151378033731,70.65775401069519,7.465076100370219,27.75359934183464,7.61054688173877,1.4688777457836286,733,25,150,8,13,234,113,187,0.124,0.812,0.065,-0.8896,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,1,0,8,0,18,1,0,3,1,37,34,13,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,12,0,1,8,0,1,1,2,2,0,3,17,3,27,4,23,13,5,22,0,0,2,0,5,9,0,5,11,112,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113169980758696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606331697487425,0.15259057383325458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878068034553058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656145123147007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581606374586587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745865793340133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975526780202185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205742245027265,0.0,0.0,0.21363254737096102,0.0,0.13768939699212446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104788946949197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881010420559276,0.08417204286417926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901418503005459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088735395716312,0.11113225684397177,0.10545358735108014,0.0,0.0,0.10676161608335036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679761497783767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311422647674474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337360847497056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935870745555897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100486261638553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064015241206697,0.0,0.3725984813331539,0.0,0.08888449765059163,0.0,0.100286462940035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835543650575366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436089718464416,0.2916106303717322,0.08342820188777046,0.08046507903969716,0.0,0.0,0.07322532986938551,0.0,0.0,0.11999481344545103,0.13952137505232814,0.17051794446897262,0.0,0.12267110398032502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967768291043418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618359029408592,0.0,0.2550603716476451,0.0,0.17841350032645922,0.13729943230067784,0.15259057383325458,0.0
bpd,slugliness,2019/06/21,"scared of the Sad Brain Doctors hello im undiagnosed and while i’m not here for a diagnoses, i was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to get over my fear of seeking professional help? any mental pick me ups or motivators i could try? i have been getting progressively worse over the last 6 months and i know I need it but i am so scared.",0.12081818181817995,2.4811851857142884,2.5689610389610387,87.97876623376624,97.14285714285714,5.974025974025973,19.22077922077921,7.348242739294969,0.8524285714285713,273,9,57,6,11,93,57,70,0.18100000000000002,0.792,0.027000000000000003,-0.8594,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,3,3,0,6,3,1,3,0,13,12,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,8,8,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,3,36,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281911438511888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962055049879635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228186196581298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431225224672905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388534390187585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104940608208815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229144099525353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24507112900701075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756962827907526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597815782404394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352475298116111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969013999899568,0.17752562158925736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947825609513885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738356514404832,0.0,0.0,0.1614864364195036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360859263786507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478632011444051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361809094864584,0.0,0.0,0.2219437452767212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xs_ale,2019/06/21,"DAE have issues with maintaining hobbies and dealing with boredom? Hello everyone, 

This is my first post here, so before I start: Hi! My name's Alex and I have BPD 🙃 Thanks for clicking on my post and for being here. Recovering from BPD is hard, but its amazing that these sorts of places exist! 

This is something I've struggled with for so long now. I wish I understood why this happens? Like right now it's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake, which isn't uncommon. But I'm so frustrated because I'm so bored. It's times like this I wish I had something I could go to that will distract me from the fact that I can't sleep. 

I recently tried starting a blog because I think it's something I can actually get into, but as soon as I started I just didnt really know what to do or say and then the whole idea seemed just.. pointless. 

Anyone else experience this, or have any suggestions or advice?",2.1515346838551253,4.4188795524861915,3.3913351749539618,88.65844536525478,79.44198895027623,6.45316144874156,24.42019643953345,7.594959193182576,1.2257364027010436,713,26,145,11,18,231,112,181,0.1,0.777,0.12300000000000001,0.7394,0,0,3,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,11,8,1,2,5,0,15,1,1,0,1,28,31,18,0,3,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,9,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,3,17,4,16,25,1,21,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,5,14,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.13206157360277998,0.0,0.0,0.1322419235945043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202835438927287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946251769400278,0.13866054353961554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649905934562758,0.0,0.11515500374022508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408842530542851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804918735290003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951824726368012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305000679677847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931265012899548,0.0,0.13237772062344935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511077046219788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070381220751737,0.0,0.07691058414319711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196709796549641,0.0,0.1212281944557201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276995833911836,0.0,0.1412483068448156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437327419810688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222981837065853,0.0,0.0,0.11976189832440612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699709045123725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138999210382527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592155296426752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866952168188239,0.0,0.1336210522277743,0.0,0.0,0.11557021873880365,0.0,0.1076190452113506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319843064489132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354267238028937,0.0,0.0,0.3125486061382433,0.0,0.0,0.28735966871953683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147524428350933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459275272757454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671335297498048,0.0,0.0,0.07891142283649344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187950154135456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211336514080873,0.15108998537831395,0.31124332151690565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,recycledlettuce,2019/06/21,DAE ... Block people’s messages if they respond to you after x amount of time (4 hours for me?),0.9205263157894772,3.0568202631578965,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.21052631578947,3.8,20.026315789473685,3.1291,-0.502915789473684,71,2,15,0,2,23,19,19,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7359759459826258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181090538597878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357779425848611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lozzzzzzzzzzzzz,2019/06/21,"Impulsive spending Does anyone else suffer with this more prominently than drug/alcohol abuse etc? 

Honestly I've been doing so good lately and finally got on top of my finances then I decided to buy some clothes and toys for my LB without realising I've gone over onto bill money and not accounted for 1 bill of £200 😭 

Feel so disappointed in myself and angry that I haven't slept all night because of it.",8.06006329113924,7.18808029113924,8.69224683544304,67.9203955696203,62.54430379746836,12.456962025316455,37.471518987341774,11.698219412168324,4.529351898734177,329,14,58,9,4,111,66,79,0.17300000000000001,0.728,0.099,-0.8151,0,0,2,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,11,7,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,7,1,3,2,0,0,4,1,5,2,13,3,4,10,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,36,8,1,0.0,0.3123419034035432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281725378544134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432646620890114,0.2701057881187546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069789263791587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306921751620488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057109166039996,0.0,0.22021737693499213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940015710050934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332921918020777,0.0,0.0,0.28877848897462105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211086291681542,0.2108378308733688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973703781088436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473857979311892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541164576918724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,allithinkabout,2019/06/21,"How to be less obsessed/in love with a friend I'm a male in my late 20s, my roommate is a male in his mid 30s. I first met him about 10 years ago. We quickly became close friends. He helped me through some suicidal depression and quite literally saved my life early in our friendship. We talked online almost daily. At first I viewed him as a big brother of sorts, he offered me guidance and his validation meant the world to me. We then started to joke he was basically my Dad, as I never really had a steady positive male influence in my life and he filled that gap. We regularly told each other I love you and had a very close relationship. It was never flirty or romantic just 2 fucked up neglected people finding comfort knowing someone really cared about them.

Onto the present. We have lived together for about half a year now and I have slowly become completely obsessed with him. I fantasize all day about holding him, cuddling, doing romantic things. I just dont understand why now 9yrs into this friendship I have become physically attracted to them. Until this started I would have considered myself straight. He is pretty average looking objectively but I find him cute as fuck and I am literally not attracted to any other men. I swear if he died tomorrow I would instantly take my life. This is becoming very hard to deal with. 

The other day we had a small argument and I lost it, said a bunch of dumb things and broke shit. I havent acted like that since middle school and it really scared me. I said I wanted to kill him and talked about killing myself. Then I had extreme thoughts of self harm which I have only had once or twice previously in my life. When he told me he still loved me a few days later it was like a huge weight was lifted off my back and I almost could have cried. Im so scared of losing him as a friend.  Im starting to think Im not capable of living with him. A crazy part of me feels like he could come around to loving me as much as i love him. I know its unrealistic as he has never shown any signs of romantic interest in men I but cant get the thought of us becoming a couple out of my head. I dont know what advice anyone could give me Im just going crazy thinking about this all day, just writing it out has felt good.",2.9994866071428565,5.063753904017858,4.318178571428572,84.05182142857143,75.80803571428572,7.694285714285716,25.03928571428571,8.548686976883017,1.7709212500000002,1791,62,353,36,40,590,233,448,0.19699999999999998,0.672,0.131,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,8,1,2,5,19,35,6,3,18,0,32,15,2,2,5,75,68,29,4,7,11,2,4,3,3,2,4,2,0,6,19,29,1,2,13,1,0,4,9,15,0,4,19,8,66,20,52,43,9,56,0,5,2,8,61,23,4,7,32,235,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914165624101394,0.06272066351874891,0.0,0.14170323626614198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623261172637304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049474034238900136,0.0,0.0,0.06298757872259468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440676982183168,0.0,0.0,0.31257646966918673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214015708795214,0.0,0.0,0.06094977490501322,0.07418601073502534,0.0,0.0,0.16947801951178496,0.07828984202613938,0.07772181974747809,0.18252630556269464,0.07294602520478644,0.06094178522292346,0.0,0.07343325112869258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585031910358713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03577621052811995,0.05054788994374745,0.06793657298335766,0.0,0.12933886543892326,0.1203695334217946,0.0,0.0,0.1639970469975799,0.1308250186593227,0.036966935641161006,0.0678753197726081,0.04021209783994329,0.05934652855322457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338321403640355,0.0,0.07261576657274704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742605773982245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057132134916813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656140898256035,0.0,0.11665645549497765,0.0,0.07981551738488847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990738835456387,0.1037029906789982,0.0,0.12495716802013315,0.0,0.05941697210145885,0.07915753552789467,0.07723821050815187,0.0,0.3192989322216502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201358458931805,0.0,0.16371348543961525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753525168383018,0.0,0.05381290219072051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662153365545415,0.0,0.04905309702242972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198398933954815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525740198879427,0.0,0.0,0.13598374969365012,0.0,0.0,0.07596514781817572,0.0,0.0,0.1346097571071614,0.0,0.1416776087069607,0.0716085511450958,0.0,0.0,0.07381363178588443,0.0,0.07262971461710059,0.058529850523701785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059951079418312236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024375698784492,0.0,0.056505597584120625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739525739030409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053199484666037,0.11374151134778746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940138930985312,0.090674797824114,0.0,0.11234425290458107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522021700545012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365918446350023,0.08511040145427383,0.0,0.0,0.11676173387970246,0.041733548153323384,0.0,0.0,0.08616138725474409,0.0,0.0,0.06384601861122723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052564580973704,0.0,0.0,0.09112870868396986
bpd,CapybaraFwiend,2019/06/21,definitely just made an ass of myself so i've been splitting for over 24 hours now which i didn't even think was possible and made this big scene in front of my work friends and now everyone is worried im gonna kill myself. I just got a promotion too wow i am a fucking idiot.,1.0493785310734474,3.115188203389831,3.0450000000000017,90.74569209039551,82.22033898305084,6.6451977401129945,23.39265536723164,7.793537801064563,1.1238790960451976,220,8,49,4,6,74,48,59,0.21,0.6459999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.659,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,3,0,3,0,5,2,1,2,0,7,11,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,0,6,2,5,4,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,3,30,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893391226433145,0.0,0.0,0.2588667110416605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930487623310076,0.2504525066761114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667197432825092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667923940462122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926299626311752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997224669276352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126843659234442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305411023714833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735885890950007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972261609466574,0.2751228891884766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lulzey,2019/06/21,"DAE split on literally everyone they attempt to date? so I’ve been on a lot of dates this month with a ton of different girls but for some reason I always end up splitting on them after a week or two of talking. is this normal? can someone relate? i’d really love to like not do this anymore and if you know how i can make that happen please enlighten me

oh and it always seems like the ones that i want never want me back. which is great. can’t win everyone over i guess ¿¿",0.8552597402597399,3.1376107040816343,2.8151576994434144,90.74737476808909,84.81632653061227,6.012615955473097,19.11317254174397,7.348242739294969,0.4867428571428567,371,10,79,6,11,124,75,98,0.0,0.6940000000000001,0.306,0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,2,3,5,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,3,1,20,15,7,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,9,5,13,14,3,13,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,6,10,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212880699922428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146680083010229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845367136040238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170993579922766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099667677000838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36896029156567134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128528418519711,0.21268086323094684,0.0,0.17072513594532138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610247684760016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864183933685544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413541496958975,0.17424706118369748,0.0,0.1288711744311867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410119147998427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890222941193798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891609290528008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130824609943125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119254001653542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368121928873052,0.19850110770440446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757574717006743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635818092272819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517687413675835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885946775184529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277473359490253,0.0,0.15486364075417125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,venticloud,2019/06/21,will anyone speak to me right now? about absolutely anything. your day. your pets. your hobbies. i am in the absolute worst head space right now and i need to distract myself.,1.1675892857142856,3.0838359375000017,1.6803571428571438,91.15750000000004,111.5,4.328571428571428,20.19642857142857,6.1826913282559595,0.5705928571428576,138,5,25,2,7,42,26,32,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,4,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830534344359237,0.0,0.3331251620127449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610697634588638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41545312483234303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001624084004212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6914131817848455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RestingBitchFace95,2019/06/21,"I just got diagnosed the other day, but I’m still confused about a lot of things First and foremost, the psychologist I saw said she felt it was a bit of a stretch as a diagnosis - but not a major one at all - partially because there is a lot of overlap in my symptoms with previous diagnoses. She said she wouldn’t be surprised if, after DBT, I no longer met the diagnostic criteria. Has this happened to anyone here? Is that something that happens? 

It’s just such a weird place to be in. If she has trouble believing that’s what this is, then I’m not confident either and I’m back at square one. 

This might sound silly, but is it also possible for BPD to vary in severity? I did hear someone at a support group refer to it as more of a spectrum. I’ve never heard people compare their symptoms in the same way you might compare things like depression (like “I feel terrible, but it’s not at the point of where I can’t get out of bed”). My symptoms aren’t very severe, but they only got bad enough to warrant investigation into a new diagnosis about a year ago, so they’re also fairly new. That’s another reason why the psychologist was hesitant to diagnose me. I have no idea what my mental health is going to look like a year from now, or five years from now, or 20 years from now. 

Is it also possible for there to be long periods where it’s really bad, and long periods where everything is fine? Because that seems to be the case with me. 

It’s all just a little overwhelming. I’m familiar with the symptoms, but I don’t really know much about how BPD itself behaves, if that makes sense.",5.561833777481681,5.73493961708861,6.617201865423052,77.24318787475019,67.38607594936707,10.196935376415725,31.82145236508994,10.064110947511567,3.044850632911391,1253,48,246,28,19,421,167,316,0.136,0.815,0.049,-0.9846,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,2,1,23,15,0,2,21,0,23,8,0,3,3,45,46,22,0,4,18,0,2,3,0,3,8,5,1,0,23,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,10,8,0,4,11,10,20,7,39,28,11,41,0,2,3,0,13,18,0,11,24,180,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083922894663156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187868103636631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956263393298528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376595138468832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012364147836214,0.15228871697976873,0.11118375152874682,0.0,0.0,0.10274599852592836,0.0,0.0,0.0995617688058309,0.0,0.22971485402708244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881349533138607,0.0,0.07854647338958233,0.2776842658715795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422923706341776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196055459734385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461111396383912,0.0,0.08756189538092983,0.0,0.0,0.07757076954052741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764583800772295,0.0,0.05182845335709494,0.0,0.1458746011903433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128760056475985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693645681739554,0.10278385545631268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294851805315122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050118612616622094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366041326147554,0.09140175916361867,0.0,0.16141013698990758,0.07658117662593986,0.0,0.0,0.15506215356961192,0.0,0.0,0.0608736446185221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919035243429103,0.19348783798986746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703911975825892,0.0,0.07033552255681491,0.17615419137198865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359274055172012,0.06935821906887123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322341503214737,0.0,0.09527979396527972,0.0,0.08620913983572445,0.20561824583755972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684423025085257,0.09376407051549847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349543775128326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302087661247894,0.0,0.20604971213109674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726957533295091,0.07020668236810683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282877258630241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034874710627576,0.0,0.3791477982211501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117235695512785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524576437624406,0.0,0.07238667201728152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228967339130677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349074174801165
bpd,Euphemus,2019/06/21,"Failing the same way with every relationship? Does anyone else feel like their relationship and behavior follows a specific pattern that always ends in ruin? Even if I try to stop this it's like a train, it eventually arrives.

It doesn't matter whether the person is NT, it just takes longer but my behavior is the same. 

A lot of times my behavior and looks attract ASPDs, which abuse me harder, but I can handle it, so it can last much longer than their other relationships. Even still, regardless of their manipulation and influences everywhere, I still follow very similar to the same pattern?",5.7871907756813465,8.312808830188683,6.258050314465411,71.17300838574424,69.18867924528303,9.616771488469603,30.645702306079663,9.994966539143718,3.5699991614255766,480,20,76,13,9,155,73,106,0.146,0.794,0.06,-0.8617,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,6,5,0,0,7,0,5,0,0,2,0,19,10,8,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,9,3,7,10,5,10,0,2,1,0,7,1,0,2,8,56,19,1,0.0,0.21720892019467486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254022397281866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818437824785778,0.1878370655243333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042803645071524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314364845357706,0.0,0.1623706188264913,0.0,0.0,0.242167498740402,0.0,0.15445834651785414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926941045572893,0.13096667663874856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494334987287726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912565769269395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539459585894715,0.0,0.0,0.1558554786172873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476420719662568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007141438544936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5904639913469855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29280550920381865,0.15326704275668185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783680611314542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068976777645616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446493797592642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126146968568116,0.0,0.1455140297364857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Markuseh,2019/06/28,"Clinginess and relationship I've been in a relationship with a fantastic girl for almost 7 months.  I love her a lot and she loves me.  It's just that I am very scared that she will leave me, sometimes I am very clingy and I know that to much of clingyness is unattractive to girls.  I'm trying to sharpen, but can't, even though I know I'm too clingy and should stop.  I also start to overthink when she doesn't answer my messages and thinks she doesn't love me anymore.  How can I stop this?  I need help and tips before it’s to late. Thanks",2.7704504504504506,4.313170369369374,3.35873873873874,92.9490990990991,75.03603603603604,6.374774774774775,22.243243243243235,6.937597516519254,0.3710972972972977,425,11,95,4,9,133,71,111,0.09699999999999999,0.723,0.18,0.9031,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,1,0,20,21,11,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,17,4,9,18,2,7,0,0,0,3,14,1,0,2,6,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454083863257566,0.0,0.0,0.13939129368473144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286328652131944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148320342451516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151265179970364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116832672408392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158645547332684,0.0,0.19662313589065145,0.1845633614844208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818750375090128,0.4719500122053502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391282368566799,0.0,0.12813390736475605,0.1292446226601918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742757316319677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745092722704412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723916668297407,0.0,0.1233736647327517,0.0,0.0,0.2914528340600293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047622032316206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168732396016293,0.17125334524087027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834135461130647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876390333567327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Epicpotato119,2019/06/28,"Looking for a treatment facility in California? I am trying to find a decent program for someone with BPD, Depression, PTSD, a learning disability, and generalized anxiety. Basically, I need a place that can cater to a single person for a long time. It doesn't need to be in California, it doesn't need to take Aetna, or be Women only (but any of those would be nice). I just want to find the best care possible for her. Thank you all in advance for your help.",4.123896103896101,5.899598272727275,6.074220779220783,73.90454545454547,71.95454545454545,9.119480519480518,29.61688311688312,9.606745405546679,2.964215584415584,360,15,66,9,7,125,62,88,0.06,0.784,0.156,0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,2,1,5,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,1,15,16,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,15,12,3,7,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,47,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711369160388284,0.0,0.15424457280664028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159574142440554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539429214837365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055727902166526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366156846299124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36856797274948105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514673951520412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178434093510883,0.16931641452111282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485129628296464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334688611108852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605345537743236,0.210657942346724,0.0,0.0,0.22730483964347864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569189091690926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708384230089349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515988728379369,0.0,0.0,0.18563161741767256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757068315118925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689191470023965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892519070980108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323047198416647,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway13848299138,2019/06/28,"Therapist retiring, friend dying Feel very alone and I don’t know how to carry on anymore",3.0452941176470567,5.967111470588236,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,81.3529411764706,8.105882352941178,26.14705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.803258823529412,73,3,12,2,2,24,17,17,0.124,0.703,0.17300000000000001,0.228,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120825157044334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39458892615578506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129354504617285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011795117766546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074002282592597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866382171870136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619680349997181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32829173729357275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tataah,2019/06/28,"Breaking no contact after breakup? I ended a relationship with my partner who might have BPD but is undiagnosed. I’m worried about how they are doing and wanted to explain a bit why I had to go no contact at the end. By contacting them I want to let them know 1) what was going on in my head at the time, and it wasn’t that I didn’t care, I was just terrified they were going to commit suicide and it was traumatizing me 2) they are an awesome, beautiful person worthy of love and happiness 3) once things settle down, they (hopefully) choose life and are happy and secure that I would like them to reach out to me. We have been NC (no contact) for about a month.

What I don’t want is to cause more pain than good. For those who are diagnosed BPD would you please tell me what you think? I was their fp. Thank you.",3.5428181818181805,4.640275842424245,4.576136363636369,86.74420454545456,72.39393939393939,7.6818181818181825,25.26515151515152,8.07648339933343,1.2975151515151515,634,19,135,9,12,207,106,165,0.132,0.593,0.275,0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,3,8,0,4,10,0,0,6,0,23,5,1,2,1,25,37,8,1,6,2,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,2,11,9,0,1,4,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,9,0,25,9,22,24,2,15,0,0,0,1,24,6,0,2,6,100,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269893458383836,0.0,0.37538869042370215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194300367832442,0.15309182576649946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125931285301206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398745515521305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540865106195358,0.12499681412205199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172841193628512,0.0,0.0,0.15294474163696975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801748079999272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819013660901028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239024957019134,0.10526220856107084,0.07280708614196504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450272578112146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809414333164246,0.0,0.0,0.11895196486743173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587089383403241,0.0,0.0,0.15857528220056707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301246667411727,0.0,0.16358694253353606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599992736401898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301139827021222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025620525044418,0.1372040798705953,0.0,0.0,0.099006946210749,0.09549051246536296,0.0,0.0,0.08689886790794346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637000354534416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344737277029327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134419731461207,0.0,0.21172907278830552,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Concerned_Boyfriend1,2019/06/28,"I suspect my girlfriend has BPD. What's the best way to convince her to go and get herself checked out. Hi all, I think this post is going to be some venting as well as a cry for help, so please be warned that I'll be describing the actions of someone who I am 98% sure has BPD.

Throwaway because my family use Reddit. 

If this is against the rules (I checked, it's not as far as I can see) then feel free to remove.

I've [M20] been with my girlfriend for around 18 months, more about half of which has been long distance. During this time, we have been happy and had our share of ups and downs, with her admitting that she's had depression, self harmed, anxiety, uncontrollable rage, biting at me without knowing why, etc. She floated the idea of her having BPD before, and I admittedly brushed it off a little without doing enough research, believing her issues to be due to me going abroad, her relationship with her parents, and numerous other things, including possibly something hormonal, or to do with her birth control. 

For this, I'm really beating myself now. We've had a rocky few weeks, because my Dad decided last minute to go abroad on holidays for two weeks, which is cutting into my time spent with my girlfriend, and due to reasons that are irrelevant to this, I didn't have much choice. Yesterday and today my girlfriend has had really bad mood swings, which has happened before. In the past, whenever I've pointed this out to her, she has acknowledged that she has had a mood swing and will apologize. Today however, even whenever I showed her that she had in her own words said that she ""Just explodes sometimes and doesn't know why,"" she was adamant that it's not a mood swing.

She's at work now, and I tried to look up the definition of a mood swing to show her that it's what she was describing, and I saw BPD mentioned. I read up about it and now I'm sitting here in the hotel room crying because I feel like I've failed her by brushing it off. I love her more than I think she'll ever understand, and I've let her down, so now I want to be her rock and try and help her get diagnosed and at the very least get some help. Herein lies my problem, she hates the idea of being told that there is something wrong with her, and whenever I've mentioned going to a doctor in the past, it has lead to huge arguments. I love her, and I want to make up for failing her in the past by helping her to get the help that she needs. What is the best way that I can help her in the next 10 days before I get home, and how can I get her to listen to me without blowing up? 

Thanks all",8.28472037675553,5.9474172533849154,7.9892876965772475,77.81956521739133,63.11992263056093,11.31238751997309,36.40475990244723,9.653516015845867,3.1559764359599702,2028,72,420,30,23,649,238,517,0.10400000000000001,0.782,0.115,0.5983,3,0,2,0,0,0,62.0,2,0,0,8,16,27,3,1,21,0,45,4,0,6,4,69,84,29,0,5,8,2,2,1,4,2,2,2,2,1,33,30,0,1,15,6,4,8,7,11,1,2,16,9,69,13,73,59,14,64,0,3,3,2,64,28,0,4,25,293,102,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057584298617984836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700969642337283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285053082055557,0.1376587433551791,0.0,0.19215753787977372,0.08480786594190698,0.15799054888954026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792191778695356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442603722430461,0.0,0.0,0.16536960627389136,0.04854541392558912,0.0,0.06483326729023166,0.07640138572167324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704598768014008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777802171698052,0.08395025419987052,0.04971767611763148,0.06808951795096257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096149816452609,0.0,0.07612145300032061,0.05377566226017722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359649173935909,0.0,0.21389935313031552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656442782701741,0.08013042611914753,0.0,0.07431735501521601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027268991271307,0.0,0.07550582133213396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995005631808374,0.0,0.07856635546703429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273709226568537,0.061358244434657615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697262415140209,0.0,0.036775006885089084,0.0754441851674301,0.0,0.06661499939606158,0.06321108611667486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587519920847335,0.0,0.050245887589482285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060082878725087385,0.0,0.05533494990451745,0.055814615096152924,0.0,0.0,0.08005460650842505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358271601167648,0.0,0.21557225691166831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262809647746594,0.07115813052622402,0.08485996962597661,0.07209155245611883,0.0,0.0,0.07202692025406866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529423246585057,0.0,0.09644472736034546,0.07739406727785321,0.0,0.08081595764255955,0.0,0.0,0.07160268057850552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998352250507182,0.0,0.07852705498750095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377929924513108,0.11589899347754963,0.07444777455216976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094472437845621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930205903399271,0.0,0.0,0.05000860934706912,0.09646490305976774,0.0,0.0,0.08778558887495717,0.0,0.1427016398178433,0.07192740120829136,0.0,0.1022120227772053,0.0,0.07353162573704021,0.07836274531889234,0.0,0.06501244861501564,0.0,0.062108819705581485,0.08879694851395332,0.1194977763513235,0.12076030375880548,0.0,0.06768024222586544,0.0,0.13584590523225334,0.0,0.0,0.21768395127963872,0.0,0.05480026825426102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230015172489838,0.0,0.0
bpd,pwbpdspouse,2019/06/28,"Wife with BPD has been hospitalized. Hello Everyone!

I've been reading this sub since my wife for a long time. It has been a source of insight and understanding for me, so I thank you all for that.

I am writing here today because my wife -who has BPD- decided that she needed to stay in a mental institution for a few days after an episode of depersonalization (she came back from a five-day trip and she felt like this was not her home and her life was not her life). We were advised against it by her therapist, but it is difficult to make her change her mind once she has decided that she needs to do something.

At first, she told me that she just needed a few days. Fine, the place was kind of nice, clean and the staff was very kind. Then, she said she needed a few days more... and now she's been there for two weeks and says she is not ready to come home yet, that maybe another week will do.

Her therapist now says that it is important that, after such an episode, she rebuilds her identity in a place where she feels safe and that she needs to stay there for as long as she needs. This got me a bit worried because I come from a family with several mental health professionals (I am not one, though) and all of them tell me that a mental hospital is literally the worst place on the planet to do such process, specially for people with BPD. 

She's changed considerably since she's there. For instance, she has started smoking again (she hasn't smoked in more than ten years) and she spends most of the day with a group of people she met there. I even saw her being a bit flirty with one of her male friends, but maybe that's just my mind playing tricks on me. It felt like I was seeing the girl I met fifteen years ago (she was a bit rough back then, problems with drugs and stuff, but hypersocial) and it made me feel... well, very scared. That girl was in a very dark place and she hurt many people (including me), thing that she regrets to this day and which is a source of a lot of pain for her. She has worked really hard to leave her old ways behind and I love her and admire greatly for that.

I really don't know what to do. I understand that maybe when she leaves the hospital she won't want me anymore. I'm not fine with that, but I'll manage. I'm just really worried about her. I'm afraid that she will go back to the way she was and that it will cause her a lot of pain. Is there anything I can do to help?

​

Thank you all for your time. You are all wonderful and you are all deserving of love.",4.483633982258733,5.003295561886052,4.75237006608323,88.46269452878492,69.80550098231828,8.448675358695004,25.640352443888787,8.484438967287268,1.3111239030779305,1967,52,439,29,33,618,215,509,0.09300000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.11199999999999999,0.9102,0,0,3,0,0,0,66.0,1,5,1,2,25,28,1,2,28,0,42,8,0,3,5,76,78,28,0,9,12,3,6,2,1,4,6,3,3,3,33,28,0,1,12,2,1,5,8,10,1,5,23,11,73,18,58,50,17,51,0,2,2,2,73,12,0,4,32,305,106,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713061934965141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698310384209647,0.07831323284581347,0.0,0.0675809512688587,0.0,0.0,0.0639166152818685,0.0,0.0,0.05303647142480488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867313014662295,0.0,0.07857567011986864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110865822030184,0.0,0.24351577919637304,0.0,0.0,0.07371309233935201,0.0,0.06620742036393645,0.13635811327923836,0.11103512603958192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493876889858628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474099299249555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042568306478716365,0.0,0.0,0.06158428747972632,0.0,0.0,0.06075728066833709,0.0,0.06517523733925519,0.0,0.12376331095004454,0.0,0.0,0.054820736974187406,0.0,0.0,0.04979354671359573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036628152925359314,0.0,0.051546176416957086,0.07105583393737827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773411936544329,0.0,0.0,0.06850683619452443,0.0,0.0,0.04319916116924447,0.0,0.12929626621279816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899455443945776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422853468531404,0.035419775980584524,0.0,0.0,0.13648549218891834,0.0,0.0,0.09104521754504023,0.06297356940567936,0.0,0.0,0.11407161121778292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095853706988112,0.1163364335267422,0.06098370325474056,0.043020561482874635,0.0653417072851489,0.19424464533884914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484990150979206,0.0,0.130151304849332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28673105747539696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676289397626546,0.06863664564454673,0.0873453384804305,0.0,0.13715768709945356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404356666629785,0.0,0.2693441642961354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166949575114863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446697058210639,0.0,0.12386405700513492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130626146628231,0.10250570554355036,0.06452522246505471,0.0,0.05135793080166436,0.0,0.0,0.07280962364595543,0.0,0.10662663381620748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049616396623749885,0.0,0.0,0.04561770878783433,0.13738924659298427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737792920047079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633172961945621,0.11867293562093527,0.0,0.14966174268124402,0.04281740369810857,0.0,0.06332133562752629,0.0,0.0751620780263813,0.0,0.06109061819793215,0.06158428747972632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629578255598024,0.13418846654681976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595328349219201,0.038014002402017716,0.10231407347384636,0.10339505025748193,0.0,0.05794786720939867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989276564444873,0.04692002515652546,0.13090325157574456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831323284581347,0.08300676803415621
bpd,sleepystarrs,2019/06/28,"Hormone levels and emotional flare ups I've been noticing that I'm fairly stable for about 2 weeks or so but as soon as I start getting hormone fluctuations from my period, it's just chaos. I haven't fully committed to this but I have an idea that my physical health has a lot to do with my emotional instability. I'm moving to a place where fresh fruits and vegetables will be readily available so I'm hoping that as I start eating healthier that my mental health will clear up as well. Most women have some level of anemia in their lives and there has to be a connection between how those iron levels affect everything else. I don't have insurance to go see a regular doctor to evaluate me yet but I was wondering if anyone else has a similar thought or observation about their cycles and mood swings. For the past week I have been in absolute despair and very suicidal but I pretty much cried and slept through it and now that my period is coming to an end, I am getting a lot of good news and things are moving forward. I'm not trying to be too excited or manic because I don't want to jump too high only to crash again, ya know?",6.231312820512822,6.2181740800000025,7.155555555555555,74.58769230769231,65.97777777777777,10.834188034188037,31.52991452991453,10.560738912317856,3.270268376068376,908,32,171,22,13,305,138,225,0.10800000000000001,0.768,0.125,0.2603,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,0,15,6,0,0,9,0,22,7,1,2,2,35,39,23,1,3,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,10,3,0,4,0,0,6,4,1,1,0,5,2,19,4,28,29,5,28,0,1,1,0,4,11,0,10,13,123,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759720236755587,0.14301564938481556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508634202343904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023534379544053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332148038788987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142865489677727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282463151058558,0.23320145330859576,0.314016206575964,0.12362597034650112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254450166506079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584901167578654,0.0,0.07932622255055766,0.117072627007782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967328734962757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747336074532744,0.0,0.1386338959280077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756821833110787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767092197592484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325121856495623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23733092744408385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066326415291913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967017485931507,0.10260696179561267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589121379778569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615646744578068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324438633749008,0.0,0.0,0.1458308255618899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420024884340632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122675655556556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759011746644206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267727231088454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927303897009137,0.0,0.0,0.11081049841837223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094765289697107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151676707342773,0.08232758066520246,0.0,0.22392444369403447,0.0,0.1254986954966097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136796806226402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AKnightofCamelot,2019/06/28,"Backup supply One of my exes accused me yesterday of keeping several men on the line as backup supply, and it hurt my feelings.  I do tend to get crushes easily and happily flirt.  Then I move on when I don't get my emotional needs met.  Am I supposed to linger with people who can't fulfill me?  That just seems like the normal dating pool.  I'm still friends with a few so idk.

The thing is, with my personality I tend to draw NPD types who do have backup supplies.  Hell, I've been one a time or two.  So I know the feeling of being a supply, and hate that I might be making anyone feel so worthless.  That is NOT the case and it worries me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?  How did you handle it?",2.8291314553990645,4.5971554577464815,4.564436619718311,83.41430751173712,75.40845070422536,6.986854460093897,25.21361502347418,7.793537801064563,1.442054460093897,553,19,108,8,12,187,94,142,0.19,0.725,0.086,-0.9454,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,7,7,2,0,8,0,14,0,0,2,0,21,29,12,0,2,3,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,4,0,3,3,4,15,3,12,23,1,9,1,2,0,0,7,2,1,3,7,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753059016826533,0.2017119925238021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644558830053377,0.22144721569165784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986233703119415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520978145119656,0.0,0.2057082205989252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436394649674207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074861374763407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498312202313668,0.0,0.0,0.10819214281193927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617855034220907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131409265105357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884320921156435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923689523300132,0.0,0.14597329062725375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928864137631358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26680234623765003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648176577713134,0.17189538098703638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921897813768925,0.0,0.2224020051370399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155669737361172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721706075044467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078870567339398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479386945205305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230901002392206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19992649440800406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Curiousabtbehavior,2019/06/28,Vomiting when happy Has anyone here vomited from happiness? Like you were so happy you puked? Or any other strong emotion? I'm trying to figure out why it happened. Wasn't illness or anything like that. It was just overwhelming happiness.,3.7135714285714254,6.9917570238095275,4.559047619047622,74.84428571428573,85.90476190476191,7.561904761904763,28.42857142857143,8.344100000000001,3.2761142857142858,193,9,27,5,6,62,35,42,0.051,0.519,0.43,0.9707,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,7,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870468987653806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426186082439499,0.0,0.16784762591549854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22943564600985086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036752075399606,0.8685075057585451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929614162122855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848033958531786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404867232539188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,l0vem3pl3as3,2019/06/28,Looking for suport Anyone else struggle with an ED that flairs during manic episodes? I've been struggling with searching thinspo tags and counting calories recently during my current manic episode. I'm hoping to find suggestions on how to lessen my struggle,9.396201550387596,11.670962883720932,7.288372093023257,68.33782945736439,59.69767441860466,7.593798449612403,44.56589147286822,7.793537801064563,4.441533333333334,216,13,25,2,3,63,36,43,0.157,0.784,0.059000000000000004,-0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,6,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771768619851978,0.2596289991730372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167564594730576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315947614109871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516744132972428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127846016107005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25019301938935234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7946977952800468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NaseInDaPlace,2019/06/28,"How to help someone who doesn't want to get better? Over the last 3 years, my relationship with my wife of 18 years, has slid down hill drastically.  Huge mood swings, long periods of sullen irritability, huge blowups over non-existant slights, not enjoying any of her hobbies, clothes buying sprees, her seeing everyone as either for or against her, withholding affection and intimacy, and on and on.  I worked hard the last few years on my own weaknesses to ""be better"". Not get angry quickly, working to solve our arguments and give my wife space to work on herself.  She started a few times but would end up back in the depths often going deeper.

Frustrated, I started withholding my own affection and within a month she said we should split up. I told her if it would make her happy, we could try.  She started therapy and and seemed to be on a positive swing.  Four months later, she has her own place, she hasn't been to therapy in months and her anger is spilling over from me onto our teenage girls.

Three months into my therapy, between my stories and texts I've shared, my therapist knows I've been emotionally abused and believes my wife could be suffering from BPD. My wife is in the midst of menopause, drinks too often, is diagnosed with depression but has not been diagnosed with BPD, her mother has been. It has been a constant strain on our our lives. We have had to cut my MIL out of our lives twice, for a year each until she had herself under control. 

​

I'm not trying to save my marriage, but I need my wife to address these issues before it ruins her relationship with our kids. Even when things were OK, she didn't want to hear ""what she should do"" from anyone, it just pisses here off.  She's not talking with anyone that disapproves of her behavior or will challenge her. Dismisses attempts by couples therapy with me as a way to ""justify being mad that she left me"".  How can I help her get better when she's only angry and suspicious of me?",7.208185085354898,7.248346080862538,6.9485175202156375,76.71141958670262,63.93261455525607,10.516801437556154,33.83917340521114,10.181067101454742,3.2981928122192268,1560,60,289,32,21,492,199,371,0.139,0.75,0.111,-0.8941,0,0,1,0,1,0,53.0,9,0,0,9,12,20,5,1,10,1,33,5,1,6,0,58,52,24,0,10,13,6,1,0,0,5,3,2,1,2,10,23,1,3,2,1,1,2,8,10,0,3,11,4,56,9,57,30,7,54,0,3,1,0,54,27,1,6,24,210,66,4,0.0,0.10634066799492653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972455451924624,0.10905770837841387,0.061033992544940525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551245498734093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901324455667714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637178439662226,0.10111903167033734,0.0,0.23813331419753114,0.0,0.0,0.2260773551550979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698931957721783,0.10066376552539832,0.1433182922621613,0.09930815653543014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730270223876555,0.18219145256501476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792214975208729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095818332151092,0.0794930523722662,0.0,0.0,0.059279917140682474,0.0,0.0,0.08576125669437792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406741207906082,0.08609766869397951,0.05100775788478165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554197604795324,0.08039957647563321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115628914213573,0.0,0.12031686982615528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367708641714917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049324992205654235,0.1463186508306786,0.0,0.0,0.09751509933513024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850416453547356,0.07942711632744084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990971995387088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865546703325306,0.0,0.0,0.06654948534422077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825994249161457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377105329398312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271871281195613,0.0,0.0,0.08537408228216223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152020210063506,0.0817062539847517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604602366363135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057939256587594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721387316743541,0.0,0.0,0.41055394127471,0.10420822953938916,0.05962680579440253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233473123664363,0.0,0.0,0.08576125669437792,0.0,0.12187054412355212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587533773296902,0.07124044036010478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960201450514533,0.0,0.0,0.12751356129401115,0.0,0.10905770837841387,0.23118769517602905
bpd,lizzylou94,2019/06/28,"""misdiagnosed"" So, a while back I was trying to get my life together. After trying all sorts of anti-depressants I tired therapy. after a few sessions I asked what she thought she said well maybe it could be 'Bipolar'. Once she said this I thought I had my diagnosis and I left to cure myself.

​

Recently, I realized I could not do this alone and decided to start therapy again. But then I heard the term ""BPD"" after some research I am convinced I fit this more. 

My symptoms include:

Scared everyone will leave me or leaving before they do.

Getting into intense relationships very quickly and falling in love. 

Changing jobs, hobbies, friends and house all the time.

Getting into Debt, drinking and acting recklessly.

Self harm or making threats to do so.

Getting super angry by the smallest thing.

Felling as though I am watching myself from above.

Struggle with understanding the point of life and why we are here.

​

So, many more but these are just a few. 

​

Is it possible I have BPD and I am not Bipolar?",3.5617888563049824,6.621549010752691,3.9481329423264913,81.814926686217,80.39784946236558,6.392570869990226,31.03519061583578,7.686295010490155,2.5679548387096776,820,42,134,14,22,256,122,186,0.098,0.828,0.07400000000000001,-0.32899999999999996,2,1,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,1,1,10,9,1,2,7,0,16,8,0,1,2,30,30,18,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,1,8,11,1,0,5,1,1,3,2,4,1,0,7,4,25,5,16,19,8,21,0,0,1,1,13,6,0,4,12,104,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298801996861852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32322385042196405,0.3624850099868521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296132430349044,0.0,0.0,0.07646186291129921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461461196814356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504779459111189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519246504850722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878667473214245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564600402752118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741161141452792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501749257826804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682573183723633,0.0,0.20780948948092606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473836958426062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867710228151784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058146114576826,0.10803993066897558,0.0,0.1404723288423293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974688724659191,0.0,0.06637579240902391,0.10081476040559673,0.09989907005055672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589847240296292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400127108136808,0.1121016663841152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818325837176572,0.10675944808947643,0.0,0.0,0.18917706065176115,0.0,0.0995550179695231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373576327136937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038289283792658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395443106538572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335439788752268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274325702051293,0.0,0.06606234324696968,0.0,0.0976975586510632,0.157885698647294,0.05798323308839089,0.1142896204152998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502406527268407,0.0,0.0,0.10351870701109456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204695590669826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940691315634865,0.0,0.08972753829110824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624850099868521,0.0
bpd,jessikaye,2019/06/28,"I strongly believe I might have bpd and want to bring it up with my therapist today As the title says I think I might, I align with all of the symptoms, my mother has it and I'm just at a loss on what to do anymore. 
I want to bring it up naturally to my therapist today but I'm also afraid of generalizing or seem like I'm trying to diagnose myself.
I just want help, I don't want to feel like this anymore.",4.390227272727273,3.7657439318181862,6.426272727272727,80.33690909090909,69.9090909090909,9.312727272727274,28.963636363636365,8.841846274778883,2.002719999999999,318,10,71,5,5,113,51,88,0.02,0.782,0.19899999999999998,0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,19,18,6,0,4,4,1,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,12,3,15,16,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,4,4,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900641811198028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447719817672609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958393178275454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892434232446192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642697519426834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789027563690834,0.12417938944450675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165100838125007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984255367096412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368798072367752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823125288647178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582421902019837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806689487296872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036444623311564,0.0,0.1113789422697294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32952829887196816,0.0,0.0,0.11801460036839667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101019080954666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unklgumbald,2019/06/28,DBT Handbook? I’m looking for a DBT handbook that is designed to be worked on without a therapist. I’m in the process of finding a therapist who offers DBT but would like to start practicing and working on skills until I find a DBT group and therapist.,6.249523809523808,6.747112591836737,6.6738775510204125,76.30564625850344,65.93877551020408,9.798639455782316,40.82312925170068,9.725611199111238,4.209402721088434,203,12,36,4,3,66,34,49,0.0,0.927,0.073,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,9,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,23,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039952287170644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079735089573404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855913390947412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643083709250133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7698231337276129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130441483152278,0.0,0.321793400268008,0.0,0.0,0.15699798020113753,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BittyWollocks,2019/06/28,"I'm finally able to do it...(for the wrong reasons) *** advice please*** This is my first time posting anything on the internet at age 23 (I know right !!) I am not the most literate person so excuse the grammar.

I can't open up about anything I feel or anything I tho k without being completely mangled on some chemical substance that allows me to open up. I believe that I am a fantastic listener but when it comes to my feelings I have no idea. It may be stupid to ask so I'm sorry if it is, but anyone with BPD know how to start taking steps to open up without being high or drunk ? 

Any help would be amazing... 

P.s I'm not sure if this is how this works but I'm very desperate...",-0.01642180992048381,2.3206607769784178,2.2890571753123834,91.6814161302537,92.30935251798564,5.228474062854978,22.42370314274897,6.8360192770164,0.857120863309353,524,21,109,8,19,177,89,139,0.12300000000000001,0.826,0.051,-0.8813,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,1,0,5,0,14,1,0,4,1,30,27,13,0,3,11,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,8,5,1,0,6,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,3,11,2,16,21,2,20,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,7,6,73,19,1,0.1657197253979004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193939769080273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269509604209907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587508517375013,0.0,0.40911964130028333,0.0,0.15492557272850546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670938129079315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087181928446488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275286960298456,0.17375397912998064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758574496358175,0.0,0.0,0.181537858857217,0.0,0.14096111376549314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110784387123246,0.17509198852717014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707739849992605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215045426690796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447000721096572,0.0,0.18191049378734944,0.0,0.0,0.1587136877680057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703874782903312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152374001261092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855096649091976,0.1172972745913795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618887997512984,0.0,0.12460060942492675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663250456224508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673612902692253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194958031227688,0.0,0.12064593380207513,0.0,0.0,0.11772253819146478,0.1811885046042777,0.0,0.0
bpd,klutz_6,2019/06/28,"Should I go back to school? I tried going back in 2018 after 5 weeks in the psych ward and I would harm myself in the school toilets whenever I encountered any social pressure. I like school but I don't do well in crowded places with so many people I believe are better than me, should I wait another year to finish high school? All of my friends will graduate next year while I still have 3 years to go... I don't want to be left behind again.",4.334333333333333,5.027466211111115,4.682222222222221,88.21000000000002,70.22222222222223,7.777777777777778,25.0,7.793537801064563,1.1013333333333342,349,9,74,4,6,110,64,90,0.086,0.7979999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.6914,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,2,0,10,0,0,0,1,9,15,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,13,4,13,10,1,22,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,13,48,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710658428889308,0.16515430741103976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422182323962184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774505261282967,0.0,0.13929748994825042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168545376502568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26853560572419244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640923594838208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112610155213773,0.0,0.0,0.07694739453296584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596820436694025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750488750235334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091918753239918,0.0,0.16455579595411626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6376006787250714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055318945419694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578109316302122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693334289814987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289860708900408,0.0,0.12633839561587198,0.0,0.14161297962263447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188471727994544,0.0,0.0,0.304277870340373
bpd,social__loner,2019/06/28,"Song about falling in Love from bpd perspective Hey guys! I just released my first song ever on major streaming platforms! It's about the idealizations us bpd folk have when we're just starting a relationship and lifting are partner on a pedestal. Let me know what you think and keep your eyes peeled in the future cuz this BPD songwriter aint going anywhere :) 

[https://fanlink.to/bT9A?fbclid=IwAR3Bi0zjU6TQqPcY3sUAwqboL422x889tI7XwqECrHnHVRizNd8gmXAyYfw](https://fanlink.to/bT9A?fbclid=IwAR3Bi0zjU6TQqPcY3sUAwqboL422x889tI7XwqECrHnHVRizNd8gmXAyYfw)",17.02869936034115,23.144534343283592,8.396588486140724,51.911044776119404,48.85074626865672,6.8136460554371014,30.466950959488273,7.957251820313856,2.439223454157783,479,14,50,5,7,115,57,67,0.059000000000000004,0.833,0.10800000000000001,0.6667,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,2,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,1,10,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,2,7,9,1,12,0,0,1,1,8,5,0,0,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7780198902294931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862599164230111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751493225765982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702498956060088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388604566580687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302475785278333,0.0,0.0,0.1131642898513989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055978912386053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584434146498796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107328659588413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574613973992726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194060791123724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24768774514896055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,athingthatwants,2019/06/28,"My psychiatrist is considering a BPD diagnosis and it's shifted my entire outlook on myself So for the past like 10 years I've identified with having adhd, depression, anxiety. I've only just finally noticed/accepted the reality of my mood swings and triggers, and the effect my upbringing really had on me. It's pretty disorienting because now symptoms I though were due to an attention disorder may actually effects of PTSD and/or BPD.

For example, in very difficult or high-stakes situations, I forget how to speak. Not just that, it's like I forget everything I have ever known. This can happen during a conversation with a loved one, giving a talk in front of a group of people, etc.

Basically, a lot of behaviors I thought were due to lack of attention may very well be dissociative symptoms of PTSD and/or bipolar. I don't know, that kind of blows my mind.",6.440046029919444,7.966009379746836,7.861185270425778,64.28502301495975,65.96202531645571,11.821403912543154,35.24971231300346,11.567385478589935,4.877486075949367,694,33,111,24,11,239,107,158,0.107,0.787,0.106,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,10,0,11,4,0,4,1,26,16,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,4,1,13,5,19,9,3,12,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,4,9,76,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1460353641184809,0.0,0.17984843457664873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144807047894154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122434609170928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769541332800761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889204716071975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715101637591679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689765263634088,0.0,0.1353656498537818,0.0,0.0,0.13449443638396005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393263402289346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435564922356283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233368807866538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811187295175128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558359004108556,0.08224291049925457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622141131804006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272258164386791,0.13506362795161364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511023407086518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014057070704064,0.11381443949581785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285644117454474,0.10374743817672284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522463399263823,0.0,0.0,0.34986221290446845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586867103029192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821120150472024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31108421409843395,0.0,0.12028180821371813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702890672043042,0.1188042054449554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24695139557757886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455198754327682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636873759460796
bpd,nagemenna,2019/06/28,"Im at my lowest CW: SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, ABUSE

So much changed has happened within the past 2 months. I relapsed and cut myself after being 3 years self harm free. Im not eating, my eyes are exhausted from crying, i have nobody to turn too. Im so angry all the time. Ive been having suicidal thoughts every day. I go from being okay, to having a panic attack within 3 seconds and its startong to effect my relationship. My heart feels like its constantly being pierced by something. I need a healthy release. I need coping mechanisms, i need help.",3.3765094339622657,5.759401556603778,4.574188679245285,81.14769811320755,75.88679245283019,6.504150943396226,26.63773584905661,7.554174236665415,1.7590181132075469,439,17,75,6,10,144,73,106,0.332,0.5670000000000001,0.1,-0.9864,1,0,1,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,2,1,4,1,10,4,2,1,1,11,19,4,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,4,0,1,1,1,6,0,1,3,2,12,4,10,13,2,11,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,8,46,14,0,0.0,0.17359338529194454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667914945197246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499082553988042,0.0,0.0,0.15832799097495598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093713000848325,0.09448845852989916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991889089304905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344312210842573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408113530643025,0.1046685777811494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326644485432022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956054279278192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361804862778396,0.098204257762651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747760089593601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157861952366343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694490036637352,0.0,0.1077035644874995,0.325911544515343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719008812623649,0.0,0.0,0.13986278421422654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729962203984665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30568903542711123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279250039608768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205218467898149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23262915992129934,0.08543263207775302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936355605377328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434926308099684
bpd,punchyouinyoursoul,2019/06/28,"post breakdown embarrassment my father said a bunch of real hurtful things which led to a fit of inconsolable crying.  my mother desperate to calm me down put me on the phone with an uncle I havent seen in 10+ years and is now calling family members because she was so freaked out by how upset and unraveled I became. I truly felt out of control and as though the world was caving in on me, but even so I regret my actions and am now with every breath cringing from embarrassment .usually I burn myself to calm down but that didn't work tonight.",5.4490253671562074,6.277550457943928,6.141522029372499,78.25644859813087,67.78504672897196,8.731108144192259,30.238985313751673,8.841846274778883,2.441238718291056,437,16,80,7,7,143,79,107,0.179,0.748,0.073,-0.9013,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,3,5,0,6,1,1,3,0,16,9,11,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,6,3,13,2,19,3,1,19,0,2,1,0,6,10,0,0,5,60,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397381099568186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579180942255567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832961797090327,0.0,0.0,0.2774533736133568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668303780587876,0.0,0.21281422550869966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23811518338862034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24252174520880584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703980626264142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190714229368496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539182491578123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874976616257655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24026670600355005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678066204024987,0.0,0.24816402708454985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781873057690252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388529361168535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626568172203447
bpd,Woofles13,2019/06/28,"I split for too long and he left. I was diagnosed as bipolar and bpd about three months ago. I had never known that this is what was going on with me, that I had any mental illness. But it is something that has affected and eventually caused me to ruin every romantic relationship I've had. 
This time I know I split on the man I love. For 6 months I was in deep depression and wanted to be around him but couldn't emotionally be present. One day I loved him and wanted to be with him every second. The next I'd be so annoyed and not want to be touched by him or around him. 
I hurt him so so badly by being this way. He felt like I abandoned him. He said I made him feel like a piece of garbage, that I couldn't be there for him when he needed me. That I left him all alone. And I thought the best thing to do would be to break up because I didn't want to hurt him anymore. 
And now I've been diagnosed. I've been working so hard with my therapist and finally after trial and error found a medication that works. It's like a lightbulb was turned on. The storm went away and I can see again. I feel like me for the first time in over a year. And I can finally be all the things I couldn't be for him. But now he doesn't want me. I pushed him to move on and he did. Less than a month after we broke up. With the person he had been going to for emotional support while we were together. He says he still loves me but that he can't get over the things I did to him. That I hurt him too much. 
I don't know what to do. The guilt, shame for my actions, knowing that I hurt him so bad that he's afraid of trying to be with me again. His fear outweighs his love. And I can't deal with it. 
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this sort of heartbreak? The worst part is we live together so I can't even escape being around him.  Please, friends. Help a girl in pain out.",1.4833613445378155,2.9574349072681727,2.9160880141530288,95.0575110570544,78.37343358395991,6.197877045555064,20.256597375792424,6.923569853693429,0.08415872033023719,1444,34,346,15,34,471,178,399,0.2,0.6779999999999999,0.122,-0.9876,0,1,1,0,0,0,38.0,3,0,0,4,22,29,1,4,16,0,45,10,0,4,3,61,72,29,0,10,6,0,5,4,1,1,6,2,0,3,22,27,0,1,9,0,0,6,11,18,0,4,21,8,58,11,53,35,8,52,0,9,1,4,46,20,0,2,28,245,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216545500784203,0.07453497842816774,0.0,0.0,0.08708518161015022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435937116588925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338827051880426,0.058793161103095584,0.0,0.0,0.22455651254045086,0.0,0.0,0.07899924683194287,0.0,0.140412475265369,0.051256541098560385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824048002653981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590026595158246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637694995758431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422692253415741,0.08668643011778825,0.07242102350538457,0.1706860314913332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358206609437462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916531390597416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055536380337422635,0.0,0.14168800558493524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946173509006699,0.08503032112081836,0.12013858512260095,0.08073337745039233,0.18421880020367395,0.0,0.07152140996021335,0.0,0.09219325360894798,0.06496272878551361,0.0,0.04393017541572656,0.0,0.09557321867794326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532232960990705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635941956376191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600526432477688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863033179209758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271400860649026,0.0,0.0,0.16431586741499854,0.0,0.07424729985550492,0.07441128048470619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035546844068516,0.0795618716951579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470531315858755,0.08473642430327556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013440207914522,0.08936748841894146,0.06181107130949929,0.062346874078201976,0.06485040400332208,0.0,0.08942379093293802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056977177856199976,0.0,0.08947080712225404,0.0,0.0,0.0910542720332548,0.0,0.0,0.07341849750027067,0.0,0.09229846909321736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090274246735731,0.0,0.0,0.07998269453259209,0.06686660006863078,0.0,0.0,0.06700368922992853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473161142190867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671492178290522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954169964725978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762746220198798,0.16758408874180067,0.0,0.0,0.06675293274176287,0.09805956819802572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708719931500495,0.0914587383829664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479732305772732,0.06674159449067515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794627720942428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224276264707448,0.0,0.0,0.059730529155408385,0.0,0.0,0.054147038271654124
bpd,electricfgsp,2019/06/28,How do you experience splitting? Do you experience this as just constant and perpetual dichotomies or do you ever see the grey areas and only split when emotionally overwhelmed and then return to “normal” after?,10.600857142857144,11.5717578,10.452142857142855,51.29535714285717,56.71428571428571,11.571428571428573,40.35714285714286,11.20814326018867,5.2650000000000015,173,8,21,4,2,57,28,35,0.0,0.9229999999999999,0.077,0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,4,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,4,0,7,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,6,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35527171354168263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36980965472319466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973813610100761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6431788230754119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221140435283768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500360538764826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26197837930918433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jaxoffjill,2019/06/28,"i feel like i'm getting tricked into thinking i'm getting better. i've had a really good week. close to no super bad breakdowns, no self harm, my relationship hasn't been as hectic and toxic feeling and i work my first shift at my new job in a few hours.. but that doesn't keep me from waking up at 4 am anyway and thinking about where i'm going wrong :( i feel so unhappy and trapped and i miss my therapist because i had to cancel my last two sessions and i'm anxiously awaiting maybe raising the dose on my newer medication too because even if i've had a good week and it gives me probably false hope i can't ignore the fact that i was unstable as i get before said week started.. ive always felt like i don't want to get better truly because as i was told by my IOP therapist once i just.. think being sick is a big part of my personality? but god i feel like i'm just making everyone abuse me by being the way i am.. i'm so tired.",3.101731601731601,3.9041895050505055,5.122683982683983,83.52545454545456,73.14141414141416,7.879365079365081,26.76911976911977,8.192908349453996,1.6259483405483408,734,25,156,11,14,255,118,198,0.23199999999999998,0.605,0.163,-0.9492,1,2,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,5,9,15,1,0,7,0,16,5,1,1,1,28,44,15,0,3,5,0,5,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,9,0,2,8,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,9,6,25,9,17,33,2,20,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,2,12,91,28,3,0.0,0.14386939948204258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103576961828536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137176288481812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138524706916603,0.2220596313839116,0.0,0.10332418411212432,0.0,0.0,0.2147820305956194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020041853397164,0.0,0.0,0.11602729917056867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455855891411926,0.17349284829820308,0.1165875525528184,0.0,0.0,0.10328449528216194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537593147559152,0.11648243447556357,0.06900892794992668,0.2036919500847169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060295105336845,0.11957968946980732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049610400181295,0.10792859179171242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989780148317139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796714412771347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105248533244086,0.0,0.12198826735055925,0.0,0.0,0.12232344863124238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727353522119972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931422842045234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149201806103966,0.0,0.0,0.10602409072903438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091726046552996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778830492191334,0.0,0.0,0.1303655788702172,0.0,0.0,0.11550348686780088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667331154692374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859456163513196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28196880248361894,0.0,0.23341373340523314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956078633724808,0.0,0.11602729917056867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861510070666048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716199246572695,0.09638193521535464,0.2922007119006653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839923329013047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275975727685846,0.0,0.0
bpd,Footballfan121,2019/06/28,"i am LOSING my MIND!!! i cut down on my fucking mood stabilizers on the orders of my psych but it is NOT woRKING ! i’m feeling the volatility of my natural emotions again n i have no one to even talk about it and there is no point to this post hngggggggijust need to get it off my chest i feel so alone and Out Of Control and i don’t know if i even WANT to get through it,,,,,KILL ME",0.8692682926829249,2.752576597560978,2.3660365853658547,96.35564024390246,81.8048780487805,5.5634146341463415,23.664634146341466,6.6274283507984215,0.4552634146341471,299,11,71,3,8,97,57,82,0.179,0.754,0.067,-0.8255,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,1,0,14,14,6,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,2,12,0,14,14,0,9,0,1,0,1,1,6,1,1,1,51,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654151338127966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874250232910902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882656737621241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385236281580504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259152402752716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369145405931427,0.2677776671255329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083753930271936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28669701493278016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587564292059013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900185958198292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736530257544552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422549724738527,0.0,0.24543276961749494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597755829489064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511528068467328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865652930918872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oftheabyss_00,2019/06/28,"How do I find my identity? I'm only 18 but I've drastically shifted my whole self so many times and I'm already tired.

I don't need ""me too"" replies. I need advice.

I can't keep going like that. Soon I'll be off to uni (probably). Choose a job. Live like an adult. And I want to enjoy my life not stay hopeless for the rest of it.

All I can say is that I'm ambitious. And changing my goals and passions every month is devastating. I need to stabilize myself and finally pursue what I truly want.

How do I do it?",-1.0418233944954132,1.0559387798165183,2.006324541284404,92.81205561926608,96.9816513761468,5.2938073394495415,18.739105504587158,6.9077264865688965,0.38359128440367,393,13,89,7,16,138,73,109,0.127,0.679,0.19399999999999998,0.7876,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,2,1,18,19,9,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,15,4,6,18,3,7,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,53,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920932140437164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692810993573536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795288227921346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656249842568058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534099345657812,0.179668232681073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171949787533487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950727918101353,0.17472707430133194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884847003901638,0.19207563012409354,0.0,0.17358149433907796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992986854425812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690624922044388,0.0,0.0,0.4372790764482823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950601274002775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194374462730628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632628235470922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050731576426876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952541169789546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146258949159349,0.2259368669514424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318929523549559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947170845860706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frogorilla,2019/06/28,"BPD may end my marriage of 7 years. (Advice too if possible?) I got a bacterial infection that basically only happens in young and old males, or by STI's. I don't know how I got it, I've never cheated on my wife and the tests came back negative. About a week before this I upgraded my computer to windows 10, so now it wants a pin to log into it. She found this out trying to pay bills a couple weeks ago. My phone, I've been using the finger print scanner since I got it, but she never used my phone until tonight to tape our son watching something on her phone. So my phone is locked, my computer is locked, I have that infection, and she makes a joke about how she should be able to access my phone. I told her the pin for my PC and phone, they are the same. If she remembered she would have access. Now I am super worried she thinks I cheated on her, and while starting to freak out I ask if she trusts me. She doesn't say yes, she says, ""If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to worry about."" So I have nothing to worry about except my wife didn't say she trusts me. 

​

So I have become super bitter over the last few hours and even the thought lying in the same bed as her makes me feel ill. I think she may be my FP. I thought I didn't have one, but I think I am now splitting. I've never had any BPD specific counseling and didn't really know what BPD was until a month ago (although I was diagnosed about 10 years ago.) I don't know what is happening, but I can't tell her I saw her comment as shitty and if she doesn't say she trusts me, best case scenario is probably divorce. Any way I try to word it, it sounds abusive and demanding. I mean it is basically a threat. I can't do anything that would be seen as remotely emotionally abusive and talking about this feels like it is abusive. Forcing my view on her under threat of our relationship.

​

I don't know what to do, I live in a small town and it is nearly impossible to see anybody, let alone anybody decent for mental illness. I'll call my mom tomorrow and just not do anything until after we've talked.",3.703636363636363,4.580495622377626,4.867652680652679,85.63378671328671,71.7972027972028,7.864522144522144,27.120512820512825,8.131152278815165,1.5788504428904433,1638,55,346,23,30,541,203,429,0.141,0.7509999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.9436,0,1,1,0,1,0,56.0,2,1,1,3,19,15,5,0,15,1,43,6,1,6,3,60,73,35,0,9,12,4,3,1,0,5,5,5,2,1,18,16,0,0,14,1,2,1,15,7,0,1,18,14,68,8,43,46,4,45,0,0,5,0,50,15,0,8,29,233,86,5,0.07821318169729527,0.2780094923915336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642901594924911,0.2079937993839262,0.0,0.0,0.08100526837696183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948789938379455,0.19007515324311766,0.1063752911968862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872556868379792,0.0,0.0731187668835327,0.0,0.0,0.060141108913634535,0.0,0.0,0.0863803142870588,0.06655365695136684,0.0,0.08207990882146438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955202930965595,0.0,0.07986440327089064,0.0894550436323574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654139790956579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793847330482139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003923991301011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879793022030033,0.06927366408155877,0.0,0.0,0.05165906886497892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909386941863271,0.05587551263228039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575671673477551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766267894035105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832731654383798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702422912614765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193567683769576,0.06375418205759835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997827739067001,0.0,0.03821100987689113,0.0,0.06906367237062662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441581223650767,0.0,0.0,0.08519708384826072,0.0,0.0,0.07882049121421253,0.0,0.0,0.09160233311623273,0.06242901543350194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809684822439831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251429717791905,0.0,0.08207157731800457,0.0,0.05299927609113938,0.059484649101741664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881736106172049,0.0,0.0,0.08432703840739267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010536695826516,0.0,0.0,0.08397168667675636,0.08860028811447404,0.0,0.0,0.2487930453317483,0.0,0.0,0.06232577951797354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469875213272111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021232842090956,0.0,0.0,0.05535969256638253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257295855712389,0.06836176818896582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034754616530108,0.0,0.12418505954095707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473604686403243,0.0,0.10620323264875854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510215369430634,0.0,0.0,0.04613216099872723,0.062081983107368885,0.1254757932223542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382878477153702,0.0,0.11112080046389544,0.08551383607503335,0.19007515324311766,0.10073344938633584
bpd,Poisonella,2019/06/28,"Bf is late arriving home and I'm freaking out So my FP is my bf and he left my place at 8, it's 10:25 now. Takes roughly an hour to an hour and a half to bus it to his. We spoke at 8:30 as he was getting a coffee while waiting for the bus and had some signal.  I texted his mom to ask if he got back okay and he hadn't made it back. I'm trying to do grounding techniques but its hard as I worry about him. It's his first time bussing it. I'm an emotional wreck right now and my mind is on overdrive worried about him. Ontop of all of it, I don't know the bus route he was to take home.",-0.5292881745120539,0.9867975522388048,1.7270149253731368,101.0398564867968,84.67164179104478,4.720091848450059,18.516647531572907,5.369823440869387,-0.7020016073478756,448,11,119,2,13,151,80,134,0.106,0.8690000000000001,0.025,-0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,7,1,9,0,0,1,1,16,21,12,0,1,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,7,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,3,13,1,17,14,2,18,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,2,10,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709759810658221,0.0,0.0,0.2812598061253935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572485216558906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556479342775215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555164904598636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627257364435056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638320980078634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669039866035428,0.0,0.3602164998668122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051069062189606,0.0,0.2063060995808622,0.0,0.19870879937236344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305344150608576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466516477854086,0.21419670270715924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910794691588508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618570818624022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750186565410889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066437062610094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416922951809725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714641286196176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beanbhillips,2019/06/28,"Is it possible to have BPD and delusions? A year ago, I experienced strange delusions, such as being stalked/followed around, and that people could ""hear"" my thoughts if I held eye contact too long. At the same time, I went through a phase where I experienced strong mood swings and multiple symptoms associated with BPD. After the phase ended, though, the delusions disappeared, but the other symptoms remained. So, is it possible to have BPD and delusions?",8.470769230769232,9.892645564102564,7.135025641025642,71.6933076923077,61.30769230769231,9.82974358974359,41.24102564102565,9.888512548439397,4.405884102564103,366,20,57,7,5,110,55,78,0.044000000000000004,0.927,0.028999999999999998,0.168,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,6,0,6,3,1,0,0,12,10,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,5,1,8,5,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,6,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556712803530172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633375790343307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6635393343393418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021354797055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555419442444368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792982425731515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554129289367858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174868680207368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395956963105202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36506052792190335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253993572993334,0.13941795820392938,0.10240197860231624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162796005685254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308970570368795
bpd,bpdhelpme1,2019/06/28,"she hasn't said anything for 25 minutes things were going great and she probably is doing something else but when im going to be unavailable i tell her for how long and all that. i keep texting and digging myself into a deeper hole and getting more anxious everytime i see no notifications. this is more of a rant than anything i guess but we were literally engaged in conversation and idk where she went. 

we aren't even actually dating either so im just a fucking idiot. roastme i guess haha.",1.6952781954887222,4.4724462947368435,3.7006390977443613,80.61697368421055,91.31578947368422,5.6616541353383445,25.733082706766915,7.1686216300943375,1.8022030075187967,398,18,68,7,14,134,70,95,0.156,0.7440000000000001,0.1,-0.6855,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,3,1,8,1,0,1,1,17,18,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,4,2,12,3,7,13,4,9,0,0,1,1,9,3,1,2,3,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.1907925715906822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208741397836048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217812266157002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332609802135067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913455124079085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074870016239994,0.10214751940569744,0.0,0.22222918795983848,0.0,0.0,0.2155538706509565,0.4307594193616612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223753722901073,0.0,0.0,0.17378101663109974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730229311716626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079617773726264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859777195190332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579861862826225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051552768246834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708870572209195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989020868414308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812425921022208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdqthrowaway,2018/12/19,"How should I talk to my mom about BPD? I am relatively certain my mom has BPD. I'm not an expert, of course, but this isn't just an armchair diagnosis. It's something my therapist brought up after I'd been seeing her for several years. She gave me some books to read, and it was as if they had been written specifically about my mom. I've spent the last year reading more books and learning more about the disorder, and I've already seen a lot of improvements in our relationship because I understand better where she's coming from and how to communicate with her.

Unfortunately, that is not true of the other relationships in her life. Right now, she and my brother haven't spoken in over a year, her relationship with my sister is rapidly deteriorating, and her husband (my stepdad) told me he's going to divorce her if something doesn't change soon. Her relationship with me is stable, as I said, but we're not particularly close, and I live far away from her. I'm scared she's going to lose all her closest relationships and be left alone, and I don't want that for her. I want her to be able to give and receive love in a healthy way and have strong relationships with her loved ones, and I think she is capable of doing that but just doesn't really have the skills yet.

I'm going home for the holidays, and I want to talk with her about the possibility of having BPD and trying out a BPD-appropriate therapy like DBT. But I'm not sure how to approach it, so I wanted to ask people with BPD on this sub: How should I talk to my mom about BPD? How have you talked with your loved ones about it? Are there things they have said/done that made you feel loved and respected vs. things that only made the situation worse? If a loved one brought this subject up with you, what would make you feel safe and open to having a conversation, and what would make you feel unsafe and not want to discuss it?

My thoughts so far are:

* hold her hand/hug her
* express that I love her no matter what and I'm not going anywhere
* tell her I have two close friends with BPD and they have benefited from DBT
* make clear that I don't think she's a ""bad person,"" I just think she has a disorder in much the same way I have depression, anxiety, and OCD, and that there are ways to treat it that she might really benefit from

Should I give her a book on the topic? Should I research DBT options in her area? I don't know if I'm in the right ballpark here, and would greatly appreciate any input. If it would help to get more detail, I can answer any questions.

​",4.758093466635668,5.614319308300395,5.418860730062778,82.71913508486399,69.35573122529644,8.640688212043711,27.530574285049987,8.841846274778883,1.8526970006975123,2014,64,418,34,34,652,221,506,0.08199999999999999,0.7390000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9962,0,1,2,0,1,0,61.0,1,6,3,4,23,23,0,1,21,0,43,7,0,10,5,104,92,41,0,18,19,7,3,1,1,9,1,1,1,1,25,37,0,2,12,6,1,9,14,4,0,4,15,6,69,19,59,66,8,45,0,2,2,6,77,25,0,10,9,285,94,7,0.0577383109744093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059799477205979036,0.06371566191431571,0.0,0.0,0.06255943581796096,0.07015836760697303,0.078528062787293,0.0,0.044169649858716326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053977526662014635,0.0,0.05424704378942996,0.0,0.04820907793277119,0.035196738462372736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106484400279242,0.0,0.0,0.509035670128115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107947718410081,0.04973644240500805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972992263748288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234621317869386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758267461238434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460847583275561,0.0,0.030165884423225577,0.11077569811711167,0.13125605082662142,0.0,0.0,0.06365669168343005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03870077277478592,0.0,0.057916233601454974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03173146572425438,0.04706442967385401,0.0,0.0,0.06273284381371358,0.0,0.040782276565940766,0.028208022267357274,0.0,0.050983986405297436,0.0,0.0,0.0645944010923933,0.0,0.0490870472489032,0.3126664794514236,0.10926677179588226,0.115622312762252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125122363422442,0.0,0.2704896479427777,0.0,0.0,0.04244430202139842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173749213864779,0.04391258728397631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040028474898316235,0.05041486607238059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650912702830079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468012232456431,0.0,0.11550787156270807,0.0,0.07397728096831152,0.0,0.0,0.37193602816103455,0.0,0.09861640419074832,0.10984471135367192,0.0,0.057806121815172015,0.0,0.04600995844228225,0.0,0.0,0.0652278568442648,0.0,0.0,0.06490028067563412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889954525350717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441767478853783,0.0,0.0,0.1856314690915288,0.05046582871070551,0.0,0.06602879054293412,0.06703862922121878,0.07671753647413516,0.11098913490475873,0.0,0.04583776948176034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055171430457006385,0.0,0.03920052310935212,0.0,0.056401940117281564,0.060107617975261936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027775880380402,0.13748995126298186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058840271604829075,0.16406255809259712,0.0,0.07015836760697303,0.11154473772790482
bpd,alyssa1975,2018/12/19,I don’t understand I can drop a best friend of 8 years (it had to happen but still sucked) and not shed a single tear but someone calling things off that I’ve been on only 3 dates and have known since late October feels like hell like to me. It’s like Ive gone through every emotion and stage of grief in an hour ,4.308731343283578,4.10925685074627,4.679813432835825,91.34419776119404,70.04477611940298,7.894029850746268,25.70522388059701,7.1686216300943375,0.8339582089552233,247,6,58,2,4,78,55,67,0.162,0.647,0.191,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,2,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,11,5,1,0,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,4,5,8,8,2,11,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,8,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26906249224886075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617999422096645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28840103086061675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21601722867434006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963704475886378,0.18316302857042874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808407326274727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267223067726485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25248969388242115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892158685041257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757734272531349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499397803519666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120860968801289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172359970820631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475110625205534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033222758444266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266908061313278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651049162570722
bpd,AnnotatedDisaster,2018/12/19,"Pretending to be nice is hard... LTL FTP
Rant/advice/support/meh. 

Think I'm going to explode.

Dating for 4 months. Intense relationship. Live together. Going well. He knows about my BPD and potential disassociative disorder. He understands and accepts (tolerates - my word) my moods and can handle the whiplash from 'this is the most exciting thing ever' to crying in 47 seconds flat.

I'm trying so hard to be 'nice' but I'm wearing thin. He's caring, considerate blah blah blah, and I am struggling. 

When he leaves mess, I want to shout. When he goes away because he needs to chill (he has anxiety) I feel as if I've done wrong. He validates, checks up on me and all sorts of wonderful things. 

But the criticisms, the anger, the snipping, possession, jealousy and all their friends are creeping up and fast. Everyday I stop myself from saying things, from manipulation. And every day it's harder. Each time apologising. I've warned him. Told him what I'm like. I can see it. I'm making myself sick. He thinks I'm a sweetheart, his wonderful cute girlfriend. He is 10 years my junior and I feel I will ruin him. He's so naive, so happy to have a girlfriend, or indeed someone to talk to that doesn't trigger his anxiety so much. He doesn't know.

He doesn't know that I want to die. That I'm biding my time. That when he smokes I don't worry  because by the time his lungs die, I'll be dead anyway. That I've used the 'don't worry I'll be dead' mantra to myself to calm me for weeks. That I don't want to carry on living. I'm not even actively suicidal at the moment, it's just my background level. 

He's gone for some alone time, worrying I've said something and can't remember (as ever), because that's always fun. I love him. And he loves me. But the fear I have of how I'm going to destroy him, is hurting me, yet he is the only thing I'm living for. 

And here I am, smiling like a Cheshire cat, because thanks mum  that's how you fucking trained me. 

I'm just ranting. I need to reach out. It's not going well and I'm tired.

x",0.9152506002400996,3.343775914215687,2.783327330932373,89.93798319327732,86.4264705882353,5.683553421368548,21.561824729891963,7.127189543769624,0.7752841536614649,1575,54,324,24,49,523,206,408,0.201,0.584,0.215,0.6117,0,1,2,0,0,3,72.0,0,1,1,0,20,28,3,2,13,0,26,7,2,6,4,57,68,29,5,6,9,1,5,5,4,1,2,3,0,0,18,15,0,1,13,1,1,5,9,9,2,1,4,9,38,18,36,59,6,34,0,2,1,3,39,10,1,7,21,177,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738680250191316,0.0,0.0,0.07824055723276757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386550412649346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834435327313593,0.0,0.0,0.2292794504232801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842759117499245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586993098383878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328762503309656,0.06064162119752652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517675042053356,0.0,0.10776661541968192,0.0,0.0,0.09622541602526703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210597949722047,0.17011117719311308,0.07922439594006522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580997932194423,0.0950888651382478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264740477365872,0.08692929164638118,0.0,0.0,0.2137578403069248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000967661860298,0.16846496044624532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066114294631996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550294148027374,0.0,0.0,0.0995642754051208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187669263590233,0.0,0.24909084394051284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973163259393725,0.0,0.0627658070153721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505391091501461,0.0,0.06912292634351314,0.1394442223166429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151411124284944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095311366769796,0.10651774795762373,0.0,0.08944413655685042,0.07477649187217357,0.0,0.0,0.07492979780585382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967137968985795,0.07238894770176656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861335533923182,0.0,0.09830065332305916,0.0,0.1028536432965996,0.10670421785879994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557781465332435,0.0,0.08657026220004585,0.0,0.0,0.249877621749272,0.12050135403466047,0.0,0.0,0.2193187778897839,0.108073741924497,0.0,0.08984976880579319,0.0,0.06384025045691294,0.0,0.0,0.0978886270268597,0.0,0.08121179660922198,0.0,0.0,0.16638412817531895,0.0,0.0754252565182021,0.0,0.16908866480812335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039432164062479,0.0,0.2864763246764652,0.0,0.0,0.10280712886803717,0.0,0.06055228713687949
bpd,ThomasSzasz,2018/12/19,"Personal responsibility please abolish the insanity defence You can claim to suffer with existential problems like controlling your emotions, the problem I stand with “personality disorders” is when one breaks the law. Anybody who attacks someone should be trialed it not guilty, if not it’s a false accusation. When a husband has enough abuse or vice versa kills their partner because they leave them they’re trialed for the case of “insanity” any psychiatrist who goes along with this is a morally defective bastard, you’re a criminal, these women who kill their husbands, should be in jail nowhere near a psychiatrist.

 In physics, we use the same laws to explain why airplanes fly, and why they crash. In psychiatry, we use one set of laws to explain sane behaviour, which we attribute to reasons (choices), and another set of laws to explain insane behaviour, which we attribute to causes (diseases). God, man's idea of moral perfection, judges human deeds without distinguishing between sane persons responsible for their behaviour and insane persons deserving to be excused for their evil deeds. It is hubris to pretend that the insanity defence is compassionate, just, or scientific. Mental illness is to psychiatry as phlogiston was to chemistry. Establishing chemistry as a science of the nature of matter required the recognition of the non-existence of phlogiston. Establishing psychiatry as a science of the nature of human behaviour requires the recognition of the non-existence of mental illness.",13.416696230598676,12.418853544715445,11.935070214338506,49.32615299334816,52.17073170731707,14.799113082039911,54.0709534368071,13.463846863241148,7.721395121951223,1236,78,157,36,11,392,140,246,0.226,0.69,0.083,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,4,2,7,4,3,14,7,0,19,0,13,2,0,7,1,45,18,11,2,5,7,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,9,11,11,0,5,6,1,0,0,3,11,0,2,1,0,14,3,38,12,2,10,2,1,0,0,32,4,1,3,3,110,25,2,0.0,0.16750835683172066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614105304068847,0.1482458724094472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083648807155498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618196805735477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523288896576245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856607141547732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620300291299938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902983981357682,0.0,0.14607999796748555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595971672554102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128249032233671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969758845420802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906954962902129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284949068200174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916011192623828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937789769481749,0.0,0.1551892411124444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27055695508957633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453588679818012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978808021112652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442082776571663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551410941310478,0.0,0.0,0.13628216325770184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,prezbo12,2018/12/19,"what do DAE and FP stand for? Hi I am new here, I have a family member with BPD.... is there somewhere that explains the lingo you guys are using? Thanks :)",0.06951612903225879,2.3835055483871,1.8970161290322598,95.26552419354843,90.29032258064517,4.390322580645162,14.201612903225806,5.985473137389443,-0.7553290322580644,116,2,25,1,4,38,30,31,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.7399,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5149596723166864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854479095408756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048473281385093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948908965871033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764341857551767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531339255928845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Orthogon-Prime,2018/12/19,"I was going to leave my friend group Always something I say that ends up being misunderstood or taken out of context and then when I try to explain nothing happens or I just make things worse.

I was just gonna leave them all behind but this is hardly the first time I felt that way, and the next day I was back with them like nothing happened. Like, make up your mind, Self.

They don't remember these things or know how it makes me feel to be misunderstood so why complain to them I guess, right? They'll just call me sensitive. Or they'll actually feel bad, which would suck because then I'd feel bad for making them feel bad.

I wish I could just walk away from it all but they're my only friends, and spending time with them takes me away from my shitty reality where I'm trapped with almost no way out.

I'm sure I'll be set off again eventually, and feel one way and then wake up another. It's like a never ending cycle. One of those TV shows where the same thing happens every episode. Or Groundhog Day.

I'm so tired of being judged and pushed aside when I hardly (at least openly) judge others.

And it's not like I don't try to avoid conflict. But sometimes you don't even know when it's gonna show up. Like I'm joking around and it's all good, and then I get into more serious territory and having a discussion but somebody derails it. And I feel angry and singled out but I can see that nobody else does, so where does that leave me?

Even when I try not to ""act crazy"" I can't seem to get away from it. It's not like I'm constantly angry or hurt or sad or petty or confused or lonely or distant. These are just parts of me, not my whole personality. But something always goes to shit and that's what they see. Seems like the thing to do is to isolate myself but that's just too painful. ",2.196762749445675,4.0687060894308935,3.22510963291451,91.85618625277165,77.53658536585365,5.881941364868195,21.479921162848,6.714681859716394,0.2914021680216803,1413,38,307,13,33,452,180,369,0.235,0.67,0.095,-0.9959,0,4,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,9,1,24,25,2,2,6,0,21,4,2,5,5,83,57,43,0,3,28,0,9,7,2,5,2,1,0,2,26,22,0,2,13,4,1,4,10,13,0,3,5,12,38,12,36,42,9,47,0,3,2,0,21,19,2,16,27,200,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0808753289894063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298865863089169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791946735222327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690304304292865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377749169790566,0.0,0.0,0.2335950799294279,0.06372677105938929,0.20759478538117115,0.0505206327696401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462598437198007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955985483086956,0.0,0.06616999431256086,0.0,0.0,0.10689673477217262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505124457918975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923252724100215,0.0,0.14680763328491625,0.0,0.0,0.10947804967904058,0.0,0.0698268703330459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514285319820433,0.0,0.0795742597336239,0.0,0.0,0.0704945517259709,0.0,0.0,0.12806007172336642,0.0,0.08659890863162936,0.0,0.047100520050274056,0.06951272149892038,0.0,0.0,0.09129760520996452,0.0,0.21986175658918616,0.0,0.14848180044996367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872080995614459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109331131981296,0.0,0.0,0.2632621555275685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28342427096060024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212823368764842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368145339074802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391932376620417,0.0,0.08813990186940103,0.0,0.0,0.15904412004116178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231827263523236,0.06303117257612448,0.08818624303062171,0.0,0.0,0.08974697357462105,0.0,0.0,0.0723644021077749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938827098212512,0.07077592070795706,0.0,0.06590657258994337,0.0,0.0,0.13208338702711964,0.15089497024097853,0.08645807184078756,0.0,0.08507134701563368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276044734639786,0.08196679528657679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810994666760061,0.0,0.0623126752588359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023736610394834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665169221926052,0.09525413320258007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880273447801675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973500852841397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478298425756838,0.09252844670191404,0.09530367288802856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445804593489185,0.0588729567762703,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WastaSpace,2018/12/19,"I'm in absolute shock After 3.5 years of my girlfriend berating me, accusing me of being/doing terrible things, harassing me and embarassing me at work and in front of my friends, I was '' this close to walking out on her. But then by chance  I listened to this audiobook called ""stop walking on eggshells"" by Paul Mason. 
90% of the contents of this book describe my relationship so well and to such an eerie degree it made me break down and cry. Not being a mental health professional I cannot say my girlfriend is absolutely a high functioning borderline personality, but I am convinced of it. I've decided to stay because underneath all the wretched black fear, rage, mistrust, and deysperation, she is a beautiful human being. I cant force her to undergo therapy, but I have entered therapy myself to develop a stronger sense of self, and love my self enough to understand that when she says these horrible things to me, its typically because shes afraid of losing me. And that just because sometimes she thinks I'm a terrible person, doesnt mean I have to believe I'm a terrible person.
The above mentioned book is a valuable resource for the struggles me and mine are going through. But is there any more practical advice any BP's or loved ones of reddit can offer me? I'd appreciate it very much. ",10.969710743801649,8.318252995867766,10.524033057851245,62.713322314049606,58.29752066115704,14.30809917355372,45.68760330578513,12.688352899677879,5.805330909090909,1043,52,177,28,10,342,149,242,0.153,0.7120000000000001,0.134,-0.2913,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,6,16,2,3,12,0,16,3,0,1,1,24,27,16,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,6,12,10,0,1,4,2,0,5,4,10,1,1,2,4,29,6,31,23,4,22,0,1,1,2,24,10,0,1,5,125,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359490148955785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593980796256293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500179384914535,0.0,0.0,0.15402935762639589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395998228549975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501734181281342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412616458327662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384075548016493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562455172633367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769746259605806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532011356524396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444537458117634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294749556103754,0.0,0.0,0.24677863803076766,0.1293616692127488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489211379021793,0.0,0.0,0.13777510580685073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050019173834628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926406415217388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581190029358644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677919204065712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174402088629048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852441032840701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521319943176496,0.0,0.0,0.14571845692044647,0.0,0.11429865173132947,0.0,0.14292268903484112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31268772456055344,0.0,0.1816528192985027,0.08760052435446575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232362988095776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280299882486634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292190256490873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952909465662003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803904564470001
bpd,bpdsbitch,2018/12/19,"Grounding exercises for dissociation? I know you're supposed to really focus in minute detail on what you're seeing around you, but that takes so long to work it makes me wonder whether doing it did the trick or whether I would've just snapped back by that time anyway. 

​

I was wondering what everyone here does when they experience dissociation?",6.700476190476191,9.103641904761904,6.555746031746036,70.50314285714288,66.46031746031747,9.484444444444444,31.647619047619052,9.888512548439397,3.4126723809523813,292,12,47,7,5,92,52,63,0.028999999999999998,0.971,0.0,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,7,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,10,9,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,7,7,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,4,33,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25999765892516136,0.2915788976246941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136161775689907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451520821908554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999150083270507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292930326308295,0.0,0.23472791706169935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187629803083226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212357946674474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601758404875064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372517042335435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912178606764688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042081936580945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992319725366242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5204549682854501,0.17469447645710334,0.0,0.0,0.17046141986266894,0.0,0.2915788976246941,0.0
bpd,CarlBurhusk88,2018/12/19,Mornings are the hardest Anyone else have their flair ups in the morning? Mine are so awful right now. It's difficult because I understand how my brain is reacting and why but it's not making it any easier to stop the wall of pain. It's begun the push pull cycle with my partner and I feel abusive. I have done this with every partner I have ever been with but one. Our minds can really make you feel like a monster. ,3.073571428571426,4.833003976190478,4.401904761904763,84.87642857142858,74.71428571428572,7.180952380952381,25.095238095238088,7.957251820313856,1.4902095238095234,330,11,64,5,7,109,63,84,0.185,0.74,0.075,-0.8829,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,1,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,5,1,9,2,1,4,1,18,14,6,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,2,10,1,7,12,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.2777483418263869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941305000275216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391130932596815,0.24019010561886214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289972856286806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616892811121004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23989216313061326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582710682922932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204552786155484,0.19750823119110208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23705871577276064,0.16746907649245252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145253481259341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129531850837107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366965004141886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884847232030475,0.0,0.2494384868359742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017490017565238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019265997855767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598489299679314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24403858620048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152680728000875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alliestones,2018/12/19,"Handling the Holidays TLDR; Issues on my boyfriend's side of the family, and it looks like I am spending Christmas Eve alone. What are some things you are going to do? If you are going to a family's house, how do you get through the holidays surrounded by people who are toxic?

I have never been a huge fan of the holidays. Every year, multiple times a year I'm forced to put on a smile on my face and pretend that I enjoy the company of those I am surrounded by. Thankfully as the years have passed it has been only my immediate family in most cases, but now I have a boyfriend and his family in the mix.

In the past six months I started to focus on my boundaries and putting myself first, which I have never done before. Last Christmas my boyfriend's brother became a significant trigger for me (belittling me, telling me he wanted to hit/shove me, saying he wanted to see me cry, etc). Although I don't particularly value tradition, my boyfriend does. I read about an Icelandic tradition where families exchange books on Christmas Eve to read that night and eating chocolate. I suggested that we start our own traditions and spend Christmas Eve together doing this, and he agreed! I was relieved because it was one less family situation I have to force myself to be in, or feel guilty about blowing off.

So now I tackle how to handle Christmas. Do I ""suck it up"" or avoid his family, considering my own mental health? I have spent a couple weeks talking to my therapist about it. While she thinks I should have strict boundaries not to go over my boyfriend's family's house, I suggested collaborating with my boyfriend some guidelines. While she was not thrilled I would be putting myself in the company of my boyfriend's brother, she was proud I came up with some boundaries. I came home from therapy so confident, strong, and proud which was ripped away less than an hour later.

I discussed my plan with my boyfriend where he smuggly tells me that Christmas is not important to his family; Christmas Eve is and he never agreed to starting this new tradition with me. It broke my heart and I started crying, which annoyed him. In my eyes Christmas Eve was off the table and it was only Christmas we had to get through. Although the holidays are not something look to forward to, I can't help by consider my loneliness that evening, which makes me spiral. I'm trying to remain level headed but I want to scream and cry and beg him to stay home with me.

So now I am considering being alone in the house by myself, and I don't want to read and eat chocolate. Part of me wants to find something else to do; go out and adventure, leave this loneliness behind me.",6.776534128561959,7.181355377733599,6.78399005964215,76.28800629556,64.8051689860835,10.046626905235255,34.062889330682566,9.888512548439397,3.304032789927104,2117,87,382,42,30,675,227,503,0.12,0.7829999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.9188,0,3,2,0,0,0,54.0,3,3,0,5,14,14,2,1,21,0,42,7,4,4,3,57,70,31,0,8,9,2,1,1,0,2,1,2,2,0,23,26,2,1,3,9,4,11,10,5,0,3,14,7,71,9,66,51,10,68,0,1,4,0,30,27,1,7,32,279,94,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332471469281186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650084452015171,0.0,0.0,0.042178984950496434,0.0,0.058877552568116574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827512041287214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655996587027679,0.2280134834831836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060550649573742524,0.07080774778362596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416019972132703,0.057801289581984536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716770665305081,0.04570086276311351,0.0,0.05829749849625233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5870550975206742,0.0,0.034985706780276765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632405103103807,0.05885493655432893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723002437550216,0.0,0.15729431857432516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101126361447134,0.07354818122319315,0.0,0.08199321076722545,0.0463781413776552,0.0,0.1388110405784755,0.0,0.06814047953378884,0.2395158789827223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221878634274305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640096093106468,0.0,0.07326465701425584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0338038636156608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162082139515385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046186398730801166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972956599966758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522863515445463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009610612799785,0.06682635623178207,0.0,0.06493228801336637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688649440268056,0.10524772686925464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492852009627571,0.06605188132919071,0.047969229936812366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867212301806567,0.0,0.0,0.2076330786238524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550244955577944,0.0,0.0,0.055137306167861416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777504625398822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653522869348493,0.0,0.0,0.19589866934667488,0.07374978737776261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055614151219725724,0.12095424307446935,0.06370297520785599,0.07912742726395651,0.08033759537255365,0.04596829078127552,0.04433563312332783,0.0,0.0,0.04034658760258086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046977031012364064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405706152767594,0.0,0.05550189087936784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915222596637367,0.0,0.0,0.13367272137905925
bpd,lovelyimagination,2018/12/19,"This is my first BPD post So I was first diagnosed with BPD about 6 years ago. 3 years ago I finally started treatment on and off. Most of it had to do with my depression/anxiety. I took Zoloft for a while and it was ok but I gained so much weight and I felt like a zombie most times. I switched to lexapro and it was the best in my opinion. It’s been 4 months that I stopped my medication because I moved and I had to get new health insurance and blah blah. I’m waiting for January 1 to make an appointment and see a therapist/psychiatrist. I guess what I’m trying to ask is what works for you to control your bpd thoughts/actions? I definitely think I’m not as toxic as before but everyday is different and sometimes it’s really hard. Especially with holidays coming, my favorite person will be with his family and sometimes I feel left alone. What helps you guys cope? ",3.074655172413795,4.99901117816092,4.396068965517242,84.20582758620691,75.14942528735631,8.548045977011496,28.266666666666666,9.21078282632365,2.4668763218390812,691,29,141,17,15,228,110,174,0.057999999999999996,0.773,0.168,0.9722,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,6,3,3,0,0,5,1,12,5,0,2,0,28,27,16,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,10,14,1,3,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,8,5,21,3,20,17,4,22,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,4,15,89,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313948400155965,0.0,0.0,0.1351785570437257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984685171178866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201785881550853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956330958547637,0.0,0.11106224931942282,0.0,0.1369718767566198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931531935926918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124307574402194,0.0,0.0,0.14638841180078765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247426839969442,0.0,0.13636481302827647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230419116760226,0.0,0.06599444303585825,0.0,0.12531892644911793,0.14297743388386375,0.0,0.22203917629603973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819090933242672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378164384548653,0.12923455532662487,0.0,0.0,0.11691959115869108,0.0,0.0,0.13873583536866888,0.0,0.0,0.08748428689690271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180952246083064,0.0,0.0,0.06376510172529377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712259778583731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148439028322792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417920208213732,0.13872128309009946,0.09594664987149852,0.0,0.0,0.12605628313670514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139643550016804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500134099941268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361395920627514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400692585398788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581737065270623,0.0,0.09238218093029828,0.0,0.0,0.10911991836793557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154288277636674,0.0,0.08363145078051278,0.0,0.0,0.07610681110295192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501166406313595,0.08861398789539278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589372568848348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950195520214347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810020640527593
bpd,ajeterplustard,2018/12/19,"My boyfriend as BPD and I have difficulties managing his fits of anger, I know things can work out in the end I'm not going to breakup with him.  Hi !

My boyfriend has BPD, and I’m bipolar. I’m only recently diagnosed, I’ve never had a manic episode in front of him, I’m even questioning myself If I’m really bipolar but that’s another story. However I’ve been kind of depressed lately as I had a lot of things to reconsider in my life (including the new diagnosis).

At first when we started dating I got to know him as a wonderful person, someone that everyone could automatically tell is a wonderful person.. I was very much in love with him, and he loved me as much. 

For the first months of my relationship I discovered he shoplifted a lot. 

At this point I had read a lot about bpd, I understand that it was one of the problems that comes with it. 

When I was not sleeping over at his place he would do big nonsense and most of the time would get away with it. I discovered things like that when I would see him again and could do nothing about it but tell him what he’s done was bad. 

Also I had the “”””chance”””” to meet his “dark side” I don’t really remember the first time it happened, but he was not the same person at that moment, so full of hatred for me, he would open his mouth and a word vomit would just pour out of the big hole.. It wouldn’t stop, the hurtful, withering, wounding words.. Soon I was sobbing uncontrollably as he would say he doesn't like me, or that I’m useless, everything with a huge smile. I tried arguing with him but It only makes the matter worse.

So the first time I didn’t know how to react, I had nowhere to escape to.. I just lay in bed crying.. Waiting for sleep to catch me, I tried so hard to believe this was a nightmare the first time it happened.

In the morning I opened my puffy eyes before he could.  I washed myself, and tried to do my makeup but I was on the verge of tears. He woke up and looked at me, I was almost crying now.. He just started walking to the windows and in the mist he wrote “sorry” he hugged me tight and I cried while he apologized several times more.. He said that he didn’t mean what he was saying the night, that it was all lies to hurt me. He was sorry, the real person he was angry with was himself.

Time went by and the bad surprises started happening less and less.. Sometimes He would just have an “episode” and yell at me for apparently no reason. - I tried over the time to resonate him, 

\-Try to be even more hurtful to him than he is to me, 

\-just don’t listen and act as it is not happening, 

sometimes he pushed me over the edge and I made questionable decisions.

But these episodes were not really frequent so most of the time we ended up having a normal live.. I would go to school and He would go to work. We didn’t argue much, we were pretty stable and in a loving relationship.

But then came my depressive state, and the fact he was unemployed. 

At the beginning He tried to help me as best he could. It was a huge help for me. Then he couldn’t do it anymore. I tried to take the matter on my own hands but...well it was a hard time I, at least, deserved to have one ear listening to me. (I think that's a mistakes on my part )

Then one day, I just suddenly feel like things are getting better. I don’t have to let my head be a mess of toxic thoughts. I sent a message to the bf, “I feel like I’ll get better soon” I said. 

Well the next two weeks I was faced by his “dark side” twice, I’ve never seen him like this so often. 

Basically his rent was that I was useless and weak, that because of me the apartment was lifeless and he wanted everything to move. He wanted dynamics but I wasn’t dynamic. He menaced to leave me more than once, sometime with a date in mind if I wasn't getting better fast enough. 

The last time we fought was last Monday. It was really bad, I was so scared of him I called my parents at 2am they wanted to call the cops since this was so bad. It was one of the most horrible night of my life.

But as I knew it would happen, the next morning he hugged me for a long time while I cried, he apologized so many times, that this was a lie, he was the one who needed to find a job, it wasn’t me the problem but the “situation” (which I’m clearly a big part of) He said he loved me so much and didn’t want to leave me. I love him so much and I just can’t leave him.

I don’t want people thinking the only way is to leave.. I just don’t want that. Some months ago there was no problem, If I get better, If I find a job or something… everything will be back as it was prior to my depression. 

I’m searching for advice about how to manage these episodes!

People with BPD : when you are in such a state of anger, what do you expect from your s/o ??

What kind of coping mechanism could be advised in this situation ? 

I can’t really run away when a situation like this occurs since we live together and I don’t know anyone who would let me sleep at their house. 

I’m just so scared at the idea to have to face another night like the last one.. 

​

sorry for the English, I'm french \~

​

​",3.13656885099633,4.198194656488553,4.287899276296225,88.5620575988897,73.3320610687023,7.581560424308518,24.583672053137704,8.00094639256281,1.1370216466739365,3952,115,872,56,77,1294,373,1048,0.155,0.723,0.122,-0.9891,8,0,1,0,0,0,140.0,6,3,2,12,43,52,5,3,65,0,99,26,10,6,5,157,172,72,0,35,30,1,6,7,1,13,9,9,3,4,52,44,0,3,22,1,1,14,27,27,1,13,60,19,117,25,121,87,26,132,0,9,4,7,107,49,1,19,73,585,169,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03728652279427528,0.033823827445091666,0.0,0.038208666354783545,0.0,0.0,0.03051409329121633,0.0,0.12402909441992716,0.1390945855968692,0.0,0.08002176277148912,0.0,0.0,0.03784143408172977,0.026680221528729373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169940743220328,0.0293403336485488,0.12743781335071067,0.023260118109791672,0.0,0.03246874784580943,0.04298980791997586,0.040043357267033286,0.1349868601072608,0.0,0.0,0.19222933433261585,0.0,0.07792500939665738,0.04364137732292173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03286882748917494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232606943507346,0.0,0.16765443937444205,0.024608071396188126,0.0,0.0985935565059748,0.038728493642848826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039047800189323766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759145130260928,0.03942632180249765,0.0,0.05040460157289247,0.0,0.0,0.03646059392940735,0.10287899917383192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0385865934336193,0.05451865497754869,0.0,0.0,0.06974950871242526,0.16228137983935453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967713845427288,0.0,0.06505640958996582,0.0,0.030517592779992293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871029207047575,0.0,0.0683622517431362,0.0,0.039160031488114665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115158875553639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044027988826246985,0.12254338902202586,0.04307454382891891,0.0,0.0,0.07572975583318847,0.0,0.0,0.0794691681463675,0.08388023126995234,0.09330900311863972,0.04304269336468641,0.16161077156551254,0.0,0.07803611824478518,0.0539027541272938,0.13049088375011111,0.0,0.06738655894284165,0.033767693560260825,0.032042221796151966,0.0,0.0,0.097319004534272,0.17219065266487066,0.03610502177872164,0.025470055545557244,0.038685150928510825,0.0,0.04156409669101811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03852763480503199,0.0,0.06091301524884549,0.040554791471451836,0.1402487163918372,0.028292889526952837,0.058857973021802075,0.03685221303031781,0.081160682884389,0.10742311770441046,0.03738570235965905,0.036612615618785545,0.0,0.0,0.04063589866727423,0.15513679129648186,0.08706022302240624,0.0,0.0,0.042368769298277036,0.08264050115367977,0.0,0.05290643932164505,0.13326868233390832,0.03986588382990501,0.0,0.03607064426503073,0.0,0.0,0.03881932839410053,0.0,0.10953312286778452,0.0,0.0,0.08548901690044362,0.0,0.03816726851028392,0.043430954410109184,0.12222157278889027,0.03923169212511122,0.03767537762807472,0.08193255324458693,0.043224377827308,0.0,0.10888797107807957,0.06068786468465931,0.07640351234972145,0.03861686311403128,0.0304061431356258,0.0,0.0,0.043106484308714034,0.0,0.06312763460829494,0.12867000692303174,0.11455349756211053,0.0,0.03233025372548591,0.0,0.113214576001468,0.12814072019216874,0.08102304130663507,0.0,0.0,0.03190091265173217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028689272220054605,0.0,0.06670169950971036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139910897643653,0.048898856344282864,0.0,0.030292350331692457,0.26699544165831096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813424158391112,0.0,0.03727378859697118,0.0397227230272341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03148347384555497,0.1350357204994305,0.0302872050555227,0.030607197842385976,0.0,0.03430767395161709,0.035371868160660826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275915338321953,0.05555741746473333,0.0,0.038885184449794635,0.2981615704945789,0.0,0.1390945855968692,0.0
bpd,pimpsmasterson,2018/12/19,"update on my post about setting up a voluntary DBT group. in regards to the BPD dbt group i was hoping to setup wanted to forward you the information,edit\\update voip\\ meeting room setup for anyone looking to meet, if you have camera is better i think

​

[http://www.hst.com/download\_en.html](http://www.hst.com/download_en.html) website for application send me a message and ill give you a private link

​

​

any questions let me know.

​",12.13887323943662,15.158691056338036,8.395887323943665,60.16002816901411,53.92957746478872,8.496901408450704,39.55211267605634,8.841846274778883,4.07754985915493,399,18,45,5,5,111,54,71,0.04,0.879,0.081,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,10,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,2,10,8,0,9,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,3,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963564731912764,0.5566476016757219,0.07788176112446098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800794002642964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128914024673696,0.0,0.0,0.14424177278648995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986399196579104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375038395473795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294061882971329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711082573409436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617318588634732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968446677850552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829558396282656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338378141732474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755053551690242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566476016757219,0.0
bpd,Andrewcoo,2018/12/19,"I hate when I'm not believed and it happens too often. Anyone else? I very rarely lie or exaggerate, yet I am often not believed. This has been happening as long as I can remember and I actually think it contributed to my bpd.

Examples:

My mum didn't believe me (or pretended not to) when I told her about dad's abuse towards me.

Virtually no one believed me when I came out as gay when I was 15 and they only started to believe me when I got a boyfriend at 19 years old.  

My psychologist didn't believe me when I said I had a panic attack at work. 

Also many smaller day to day things that get really annoying.

Can anyone relate?",3.2037007874015733,4.694422322834646,5.344102362204726,79.36812204724411,73.8031496062992,8.54456692913386,29.23543307086614,9.120678840339163,2.571510866141732,493,21,97,11,10,172,82,127,0.16,0.8290000000000001,0.012,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,12,4,3,1,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,14,20,15,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,9,1,21,0,12,11,0,18,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,4,13,70,26,1,0.0,0.13674044622060233,0.11262225028814682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229230142486518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613929028735374,0.11824985886189933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129406534357624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7801565538025489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535322660262287,0.0,0.0,0.13199681576784011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885813719625465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640916591558367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060296286175659575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230288590692276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411107720808466,0.0,0.0,0.11394220518826832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213307414194653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700631495376168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110202433686085,0.0,0.07820392677669594,0.08777352231548281,0.0,0.1354072516645674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393377301956673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073556763649624,0.0,0.10978010884315914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816868769376564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766724169103846,0.07394923955280731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027796542888324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522426998977017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401891332812805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431942359199549
bpd,freshlydiagnosed28,2018/12/19,"Help post So I posted a break up story and left out what I had done. 

I had been dating someone and very serious with them but afraid to tell her that I have issues with flirting and seeking attention from other girls - even if it’s just for telling them their pretty, it’s almost like she wasn’t giving me enough attention even though she was. I am a very insecure person and actually funnelled all these insecurities through a fake Snapchat account I made up and catfished some girls  and kept the attention going - being it was a character that was taller, well-endowed, and rich (basically all my insecurities even though some of them are dysmorphic). 

I could never tell her and now it’s been a year since she found it all out and there’s been more trauma in the relationship involving actual cheating on her part but aside from that - my psychiatrist has diagnosed me with BPD and says it’s a source of why I got the highs out of catfishing. Does anyone have insight to this? 

I have no idea why I’m sharing my deepest darkest secrets with the internet - but the love of my life couldn’t accept me so I don’t know how to do it myself. I’m not a cheater; I just want to feel better than a failure. 

Sorry for the dramatics. ",5.282878151260505,6.2730547983193325,5.878476890756303,79.41082457983194,68.2436974789916,9.143277310924367,30.00105042016807,9.354420925462401,2.5494109243697483,974,36,187,19,16,316,138,238,0.157,0.6940000000000001,0.15,0.0457,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,1,12,15,1,4,14,0,21,3,0,2,4,47,33,19,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,14,17,0,1,10,0,2,1,6,8,0,0,14,2,29,7,25,16,8,18,0,0,0,1,24,10,0,4,5,140,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.2578192399239739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322781196558054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923667291354915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683087723758152,0.0,0.0,0.1663741325861675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547034461938792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340777578732865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156007712572387,0.13518319476996601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364936337885593,0.0,0.2617505354473411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679325020046391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483979300390107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672144838942367,0.07507493589903165,0.0,0.10565167995855933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854321052666488,0.13956990196670346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491237513975054,0.0,0.13787709065474893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259818470014642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435260073244042,0.0,0.09330546758713244,0.06453692459047497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922455259401332,0.1249953177290963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188293312547636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430504011644678,0.0,0.0,0.11534379755922335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25302875395828994,0.13439222710870574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182494595805573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050504688108234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092737015048756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192709871348244,0.0,0.0,0.14787407443964776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463811838025494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595732972375085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799110609372813,0.07791544387763087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877291287651047,0.0,0.2383976968187455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506745893041692
bpd,Imborderlinebitch,2018/12/19,"My abusive ex just moved on Hey... so my ex boyfriend gaslit the shit outta me. We were only together for a month. The red flags were hUGE. He cheated on his gf of two years with me, then he continually controlled my every movement and humiliated me in front of mutual friends. 

​

Then he dumped me, and now he's with one of my best friends. I want him back, but I can't have him. I lost everything. I'm a loser. I lost. He won. ",0.006985018726588521,2.3419232471910116,2.151938202247191,92.84416198501872,91.80898876404495,5.213857677902623,20.8998127340824,6.816661863887847,0.4452913857677898,335,12,75,5,12,112,62,89,0.128,0.655,0.218,0.7927,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,6,4,10,3,0,4,0,4,1,1,1,0,9,9,6,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,6,0,2,5,1,16,4,9,4,1,14,0,3,1,0,15,4,1,0,7,45,16,0,0.0,0.2485297713450385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272734746424515,0.25487979187787513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129150035307754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201288250549108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352622294036315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767307599890925,0.0,0.18851760322308755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241181180250816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579528208803057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742740110254545,0.22294031285701454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213793049015225,0.15953095104006518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153143014953872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490378053169386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237211218153572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25487979187787513,0.1350777320268155
bpd,trewthet,2018/12/19,"DBT question I have heard good things about DBT. Problem is, I don’t have much money at all, mostly because I spend what I have on individual therapy.

How can I find a cheap(ish) DBT group in my area?

How do I know of the DBT group is good? 

What should I look for when looking for a group?

Also, what are your experiences with DBT?",0.7539179104477611,3.132682805970152,2.470279850746269,92.26870335820898,86.61194029850746,5.141044776119403,20.315298507462693,6.6274283507984215,0.2072402985074624,256,8,56,3,8,84,45,67,0.043,0.851,0.107,0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,1,10,14,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,9,2,8,12,3,5,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,2,1,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201087267866868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778329059929672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692367983284187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515636858380476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617152443351879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512642922992952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622632942528113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233251634817886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633667879877411,0.0,0.0,0.30833094866395305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31476006685758023,0.0,0.18285672591599306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loserlimited,2018/12/19,"Undiagnosed Okay I’m new to this but here goes. 

I’m pretty sure I have bpd (undiagnosed) but I’m scared to go to the dr about it even though it would give me a bit of clarity as to why I am the way I am. I am due to start CBT soon, after going back to my gp to see how I’ve got on with my anxiety meds (I’m on these due to having panic attacks recently). 
Would bringing bpd up at CBT possibly help in any way or would it just be easier to talk to my gp about it? Even though the person at the CBT would be more equipped with mental health issues than the gp? ",0.5394281524926683,1.9643238225806487,3.0805571847507345,93.05447214076248,80.93548387096773,6.767155425219943,18.530791788856305,7.686295010490155,0.22181612903225825,430,9,107,7,11,150,74,124,0.10300000000000001,0.753,0.14400000000000002,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,2,6,1,11,2,0,1,1,12,22,7,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,2,24,15,2,19,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,8,68,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105981458282907,0.0,0.1136861515863768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690651927411877,0.0,0.1142718247298306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224349955189402,0.0,0.374337883541334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631084859184614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256013856246896,0.16891683926219525,0.0,0.11885689696320507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796535333645284,0.0,0.0,0.09961007013316864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511010486502294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650720751977867,0.0,0.14976380582014318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352834833952696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743616746219113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297604152363574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753531087554158,0.0,0.15118967437508327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673432826345778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878441527884004,0.0,0.11842283392970987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518683809318312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140063053358505,0.0,0.0,0.11944699245887733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29201690551687715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359192113571832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409730208816936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42227278026029175,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Apathyash,2018/12/19,"does anyone else ever feel this way do you ever like something so much it hurts? like, regular, stupid things like a tv show or a band or a dog or something, but you think about them and you get upset because you love it so much and it’ll never know? Everything I like, I am so upset by and i just don’t get it at all ",1.0439130434782626,2.5041208550724683,2.9181884057971037,94.62336956521742,79.57971014492753,5.759420289855073,18.746376811594203,6.42735559955562,-0.20017101449275376,245,5,58,2,6,82,44,69,0.14400000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.188,0.539,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,1,0,7,9,1,2,3,0,4,1,0,0,4,15,10,10,0,0,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,8,5,3,9,3,5,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,3,7,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082384065691634,0.22101217033892548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148992573673535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876225743950206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019132711569028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902295825433455,0.0,0.0,0.19385903226264084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906540287266077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22539076493313676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23091343225310856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185441678370416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215243701719905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467945970517364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171315505104338,0.0,0.1663626655961302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321158469245613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330281177151544,0.13821311996292848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121419266772692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Vicarrot,2018/12/19,"The freedom of choise Well, it's night in here, and I feel the strongest urges to self-harm, and an overall feeling of ""madness"", like I can't contain myself. I've been on a depression stage for quite a long time, feeling absolutely apathetic and feelingless after I took about two packages of prozac and clonex the other day, out of sheer impulsivity, about a month ago. So it's kinda weird to feel these overwhelming sensations all over again. This feeling of basic, unhealable flawness just makes me wonder whether I'll ever have some stability, some degree of self-fullfilment and actual choise about my life. I mean, you can't expect a duck to wake up one day as a horse. Being a human doesn't give you a privilegy of changing yourself completely - at the end of the day, we are just a complicated version of animal behaviour with more ""brain parts"", a byproduct of our upbringing, genes and a small part of ""good intentions"", that is actually majorely influenced by the first two... 

Sorry about the long rant, but it feels like I finally found a place when this kind of thing might be legitimate - I don't want to upset my parents with ""acting/feeling crazy"" and self-harm, and friends are definetely can't be exposed to my fucked-up feelings day after day after day, which just won't pass. I just can't bare this sudden ache of missing people from the past, those lost friendships opportunities and jobs I couldn't keep, because in fact... I am mentally ill.  Like, BPD is a real pain in the ass, even when you are the quiet type.

Anyway, thank you, dear reader, if you actually managed to read this far, and dear possible trolls, please don't eat me alive ;)
p.s sorry if my English is weird, not native and I haven't write for a long time..",10.057669860627179,7.620942667682929,9.556289198606269,68.27756097560976,59.823170731707314,12.786062717770035,38.97735191637632,11.20814326018867,4.1884766550522645,1377,51,253,28,14,445,197,328,0.12,0.733,0.147,0.8157,2,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,2,5,0,4,17,20,1,2,24,0,23,8,3,3,3,51,41,19,0,5,9,1,7,3,1,2,4,1,0,1,13,15,1,2,10,1,0,2,11,9,1,4,4,8,24,11,41,31,8,40,0,4,0,1,12,11,1,7,29,164,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.272313777828023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245403551374049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670235303180849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715176516890816,0.10383783196432317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839974468070922,0.0,0.0975266462533515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35992995697245955,0.0,0.08011548094575878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517970199400816,0.0,0.0,0.08238553036580366,0.0,0.0,0.0614369088609799,0.08413928074280694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762578732989144,0.06645142571427845,0.0,0.10189567243875428,0.0,0.07912028689369803,0.0,0.10198843506107054,0.071864770867445,0.0,0.0,0.08923046589524912,0.0,0.07801831961618255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230510631969807,0.08267786102129426,0.0,0.09686298251173923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570071956397214,0.13633035106159505,0.0,0.0,0.2469515854071884,0.0,0.0,0.10153913869793754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208962802626514,0.0,0.0,0.1013228769044905,0.0,0.0,0.09373934609162292,0.09867643019966094,0.0,0.0,0.074245351605029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729023523013046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303078561906962,0.0,0.0989767390220832,0.0,0.10328446755662972,0.2014568820770058,0.08879533487917209,0.06448633635288838,0.0,0.09718305849430553,0.10210482928911616,0.0,0.1048627897957556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893512198577044,0.0930422589908908,0.10587380931800637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911113248117411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825002750173394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563763669637288,0.0,0.0,0.06179641959634294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847802319355726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334540647287127,0.0,0.0,0.1817283566560004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486388804735598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083633532337304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087306327506283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lunara444,2019/01/12,"I think my Mom has BPD... Ever since my diagnosis, I have come to recognize that my Mother displayed a lot of the same symptoms I have my entire childhood. She knows about my diagnosis and I have even gone into depth discussing it with her and what I struggle with (most of these things are things that she struggles with as well) and it just doesn't click for her. She validates me and says she understands and I know she does... But she doesn't seem to understand that she needs help too. The other night she had a huge breakdown with my Dad and tried convincing him that she ruins all of our lives and that she doesn't deserve him or any of us and that we would all be better off without her. Yet, everytime he leaves (often for work and military my whole life) she will cry for days and have huge breakdowns even often going to lengths to prevent him from going... She has an eating disorder that has been on and off for my entire childhood... She changes professions every few years.... she has extreme social anxiety and depression... She even gets jealous and upset over my brother and I and when we spend time with anyone else or have close friendships/relationships. And so on. She acknowledges all these things but then acts like it's normal? She will just down play it or be like ""oh I am just sensitive"" or it's hormones or a bad day. I know I can't diagnose her, but I at the very least know she needs help and I see myself in her so much now and understand her so much more.... Has anyone else noticed this in a parent/sibling/grandparent? ",4.2300391304347835,5.822632430000002,4.48295652173913,86.15386956521742,71.36666666666667,7.7507246376811585,26.3768115942029,8.321376580360154,1.6338028985507247,1219,40,241,19,23,381,159,300,0.064,0.852,0.084,0.7236,2,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,0,0,2,18,13,1,3,8,0,23,4,0,0,4,64,40,32,0,4,12,4,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,20,28,1,1,10,1,1,5,5,7,1,0,3,3,54,6,31,32,12,31,0,2,2,0,41,14,0,10,14,192,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489617894908432,0.0,0.08425365105204455,0.0,0.0,0.1540191440392676,0.2256944601702206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919588641223286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740624074223532,0.0,0.0,0.13871229246197764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650916349962905,0.09487231337276997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120979098782171,0.14205706983417918,0.0,0.09485987690972887,0.11178560557262862,0.0,0.0,0.12622526665803682,0.0,0.09638065570775788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269650645384112,0.18400880023197852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823114122771692,0.09962421395110298,0.09279423376536937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754145455081538,0.0,0.12518552377241984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764352514638845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24211120976080466,0.0,0.0,0.1166180005160515,0.0,0.0,0.07779223312581195,0.1076136610810477,0.0,0.09725200479456446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093633591466385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898981814355442,0.0,0.0,0.16192509667145552,0.16332872733633425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335506785458304,0.10790978385507692,0.0,0.12539043576589176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222928672891834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824472396241732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758447678402084,0.0,0.0,0.08776404150620949,0.10026357386329267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911055427062666,0.0,0.0,0.11226966566101898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302758814506898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447335544737265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950816573165846,0.0705706284197805,0.0,0.0,0.06422112060038944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747750368336053,0.0,0.0,0.343966023275456,0.13247990973938722,0.0,0.0,0.09087364000807788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902538796982,0.0,0.0,0.12296278312706388,0.0,0.10616706353941628,0.0,0.08018023645096399,0.0,0.0,0.07823737319887139,0.0,0.0,0.07092389939909635
bpd,Korg999,2019/01/12,"I’m tired I can’t do this anymore I don’t want to be like this, I hate myself so much. I’m not going to try to kill myself but it feels like I’m bound to do this forever and it hurts so much. ",-2.7820567375886505,-1.1877312978723396,0.7713829787234054,103.4841666666667,96.02127659574468,3.984397163120569,12.088652482269502,5.46131890053228,-1.5237773049645391,147,2,42,1,6,53,27,47,0.23399999999999999,0.643,0.124,-0.757,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,12,4,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,11,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30369974619519857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484004394518208,0.21877212216409064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403863921727605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023405902774157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278275700255696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388002123355851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992188644716272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502313467339539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35196850702929194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791135054242546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062350189296436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skywlkr64,2019/01/12,Moving on after a breakup When the person who initiated was your FP? Has anyone gone through this and what helped deal with the loneliness 😔,5.721538461538457,7.7041365384615395,5.364615384615386,79.75538461538463,68.23076923076923,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.2670615384615385,114,4,20,2,2,35,25,26,0.109,0.8909999999999999,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543790436003868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5225072716264629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397095313153229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5386674994280182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425340709457687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,erykaWaltz,2019/01/12,"i am sick of people who are boring, i am sick of people who are emotionally stable, i am sick of the world where can i find other fuck ups like myself, even if we'd just be at each other's throats, i think its still more interesting than the crap i get from interpersonal relationships most of the time ",27.60114754098361,6.8479986229508185,23.86885245901639,32.58229508196723,54.57377049180328,27.022950819672126,69.19672131147541,14.554592549557764,8.975839344262297,240,5,50,4,1,81,43,61,0.261,0.629,0.11,-0.8911,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,3,0,8,6,2,0,0,6,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,8,9,3,6,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,2,3,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888850089722685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283427687651128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159790067255874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196097268253056,0.18062282463887389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889982696756362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793531726557642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711705970497249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760899832927253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152144642892976,0.0,0.0,0.20159031944651706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,onaccountofdespair,2019/01/12,"I can relate to so many of the common symptoms. I have no idea what this means for me, but I am glad I am here. I've spent so many years feeling like people could turn on me at any second. When someone I have feelings for goes silent in a text conversation I agonize over what I said that turned them against me. Until they come back and it's like nothing happened to me.

I latch onto people quickly and obsess over them, especially crushes. And if it's not reciprocated I feel betrayed. I am going through this right now with someone I met last week. Sometimes I try to actively pursue someone and spend more time with them, only to decide it's futile and meaningless the next day. If I don't see it going anywhere quickly, it's probably just going to turn into another casual friendship that I don't have the energy to maintain (or one that I'll forget about the moment I leave this city).

Little things can send me into a depressive or downright miserable spiral that lasts hours. I have terrible anxiety, especially around others, and often feel intense bursts of panic over things that pop into my head, seemingly at random times.

I spent a lot of my university years (I'm in my 4th) dreaming of making some ambiguous, ill-defined change to my life. I like my degree and I have a solid 10-year plan, but getting there (if ever) is a twisting, turning path. I'm constantly changing my short-term plans.

Case in point: I quit my job at the end of last semester rather impulsively, feeling like I was digging myself into a dead-end position where nobody respected me. I wanted to try my hand at freelance web development. In hindsight I think it was all in my head. Still going to try the freelancing, though, now that I kinda have to.

I am very paranoid of other people's intentions and usually don't feel like they have any reason to be nice to me, especially when I haven't interacted with them much at all. I am always feeling like an imposter around them.

I feel like most things I do are just distractions from how empty my life is. I have friends and family but I feel disconnected. I've never had any romantic or sexual relations, just fleeting crushes and passing desires.

I don't want to pursue a diagnosis but I am just glad to have found this community. For the longest time I thought I was alone.",5.012326467268622,6.430829128668176,6.030732928893907,76.48246508182848,69.22573363431151,8.878357787810385,30.548038939051924,9.271962702966755,2.808614051918736,1836,74,327,37,32,609,227,443,0.133,0.71,0.157,0.9033,1,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,7,3,25,19,0,4,15,0,32,6,3,4,4,72,67,27,0,8,16,0,10,7,1,0,3,1,0,0,23,20,0,0,17,2,3,7,8,6,0,2,10,12,60,13,52,55,7,60,0,2,1,0,13,25,0,14,35,236,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995376896762134,0.0,0.0,0.06423485807292792,0.0,0.0,0.1574917093658719,0.08094875572151175,0.059056201578823075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744504091184614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593604394366138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633303378429006,0.06649917710189977,0.0,0.08342353221827749,0.0,0.0616362617250969,0.0,0.0,0.049786275413999714,0.0,0.06649045996906207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674889657159092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982994312725828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277533356342182,0.0,0.3513023152729895,0.2757510664096087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464354053277874,0.05964292561362485,0.0,0.04033272975900522,0.0,0.17549343997182593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826587042085827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845468598487425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602440611396831,0.0,0.0,0.08714706113584961,0.0,0.0,0.07660702905653356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887798378458037,0.0,0.08174145642591837,0.0,0.0,0.10905435535148277,0.26400504829507304,0.07737260180514333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563091549317274,0.0,0.0,0.05153021461069925,0.1565331591859189,0.0,0.08409117203364774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056749357626014935,0.0,0.05953979911703115,0.0,0.08210086938175089,0.0,0.0,0.07407349139543391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052311312102847035,0.0587125008865881,0.0,0.09057513215467727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055796389936733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297699201317373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832324203306501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210949607083882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937232453741125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592660643107011,0.07343290513757554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151675164036857,0.07027809187077529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622865485072485,0.0,0.07635072209900212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061650362890610926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023820297743943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538606140123105,0.04946531343702099,0.07584656968323032,0.06128652962152178,0.13504419321075126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723697168618386,0.3358766992748402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502260831225075,0.06369637321952255,0.09106667297996024,0.0,0.0619235191941068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913879864085353
bpd,sir_bastard,2019/01/12,"For those of you that went through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, what were the short and long-term benefits? I'm a man in my early 30's and my counselor believes I have BPD, as I pass the 5/9 symptom checkpoint and I have had several failed relationships due to out of control emotions. I was hoping to hear from some of you that completed DBT how it changed your life for the better and how it was to go through DBT. Feel free to ask questions.

God I hate this disorder. ",5.435036231884059,6.23637475,5.78130434782609,80.92384057971016,67.80434782608695,9.611594202898553,34.89855072463768,9.725611199111238,3.2787333333333337,375,18,74,8,6,120,67,92,0.099,0.762,0.139,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,3,2,6,1,0,4,0,6,2,0,3,0,12,14,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,5,2,10,5,15,9,1,8,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,3,2,49,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966915786070688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23704390630971786,0.0,0.18607789943997546,0.0,0.0,0.26498601949060296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257075362235265,0.0,0.2205958889964936,0.0,0.2359766683860129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411317005666351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366668445410333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638238784081502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957272514760242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772219585716395,0.0,0.0,0.2371312455228059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089704034926904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860870538164014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619357414887056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569133584384275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258862439113305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376872547752911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186816918626517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406058196539173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503892219949429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,legalisesk0oma,2019/01/12,"Fifteen fucking minutes Train home is fifteen minutes long
Between 1-7 minutes I played a great game of hearthstone 
7-15? Mourning absolute grief
Those flash memories that fuxking hit you out of nowhere
I’m supposed to be at my fifth month of pregnancy and I’ve been coping and not coping and I’m now listening to Elliott Smith sobbing.",3.6295238095238105,6.577736714285718,4.027936507936508,82.21428571428574,78.6825396825397,6.139682539682537,37.57142857142857,7.447530270364453,3.2802761904761915,275,18,44,4,7,86,49,63,0.131,0.77,0.098,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,8,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,8,5,0,5,0,3,0,1,3,2,2,0,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359689484163803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5199196134209709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730340988283762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173342618068867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764113798288125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peenerstabber,2019/01/12,"Supprt Groups Anyone know of any legitimate online support groups for people dealing with BPD?  I've just started looking but it seems hard to find any that aren't covering a general range of people with issues. In my home state, I've had no luck finding anything at all besides individual therapists and psychs. I haven't left my house in 8 months or so, and I'm looking for some kind of social interaction that is going to be healthy for myself and continue my efforts in healing. I need to get back out into the world socially but I'm afraid I will need experienced help in doing so. That is why I am looking for support groups. ",5.768524590163933,6.69416499180328,6.606680327868855,74.85788934426232,67.11475409836065,9.050819672131148,33.2827868852459,9.188382445141503,3.0288163934426224,507,22,90,9,8,168,84,122,0.036000000000000004,0.831,0.133,0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,0,1,21,23,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,6,8,4,19,20,2,15,0,0,3,0,8,9,0,4,4,55,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152078304160704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874469968865562,0.0,0.1279814737948756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195869295140874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587469701892332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033650229676424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842888455853529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812539016991488,0.0,0.08838681887836045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931729404575266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424321536889664,0.0,0.1560013916984426,0.0,0.0,0.17945167425428524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162324713211427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195238137881332,0.0854709035065905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689752653372559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917982970450004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413629218245972,0.0,0.0,0.2306353994564693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156389462296331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158151958947804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170704824418615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007937453172988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529693737137682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057319693874704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403345457269217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inkwithoutaquill,2019/01/12,"So just got diagnosed. So I'm in the hospital and I just got diagnosed with BPD.  I have every single symptom pretty much. And what hurts the most, is HOW my sister in law and my boyfriends family look at BPD. My boyfriends ex girlfriend has/ had (she in the hospital again to see what is up)  it and the way they talked about her and how she is such a horrible person cause of BPD. It makes me scared to let them know. I am nothing like her but I don't want them to judge. Also I got reading material on it from my doctor and there is no way she had it. But even still I feel like I'm more alone now then ever before. And for that I'm so scared. Scared to be alone, scared to tell them. They clearly need to educate themselves instead of just passing judgment. How do you guys deal when you first found out? ",1.2709071580439435,3.4134289397590365,2.506187101346565,94.48647413182142,81.89156626506023,5.833593196314671,20.608079376328842,7.048011613610866,0.3387431608788094,628,18,140,8,17,201,100,166,0.18100000000000002,0.787,0.032,-0.9744,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,5,1,20,7,0,4,5,0,13,4,0,5,2,28,27,18,0,2,5,2,1,2,1,0,4,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,1,6,3,23,2,19,19,4,17,0,1,2,0,20,7,0,1,9,102,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24483833621299225,0.0,0.094524200302322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057917814082093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466048834146902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142357817798292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185862697798698,0.0,0.2399402699314433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209823284387322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806973993564964,0.10691833114239764,0.0995882850197482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142809036450498,0.0,0.05976528373126541,0.0844418383028673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054054372107407,0.0,0.1295997918723197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836051222447155,0.0,0.0,0.11703621565201998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653514709958258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495942470170328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208671285328519,0.0,0.11549273609884095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992579187028554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889916993838855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689032725859593,0.08764352691898564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134157315216118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320735653796262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025151583913594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118231615117238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733537933584867,0.0,0.09418980065189413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439437609987532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228546719646973,0.0,0.09500438416165437,0.1033116852725895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971720340630698,0.18764272691594752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,winterwonderworm,2019/01/12,"Gf broke up with me. Friend left. Just sad :( Hey beautiful people! I'm really sad today. My girlfriend broke up with me on Christmas. Today I brought over the things she left at my place and told her we couldn't stay friends. I thought about it a lot, but I'd always be the one who wasn't good enough for her. Under different circumstances I think we could have been good friends.  
A friend that was very dear to me stopped responding. I think she's tired of me.  
Everyone's leaving and I just can't seem to hold on to people, even though I'm trying really hard. If I knew why people keep leaving I'd try to work on it, but I don't.  
Maybe I'm just the type of person people don't like. I've worked so hard to be happy with myself. Now I'm worried being myself is not enough.  
For a long time I had a feeling I was missing *something* everyone else had. Some part that made me human. It was so difficult to put myself out there and I kept telling myself that someone could like me. Now I'm questioning if maybe there really is something I'm missing. I feel defective. I'm so sad I feel like I'm bursting, but the tears just won't come.",0.5441732522796343,2.8672130085106384,2.1444908814589674,94.63625,87.0,5.399696048632219,19.882218844984802,6.868970318607317,0.307051671732522,887,27,194,12,28,288,120,235,0.253,0.6709999999999999,0.076,-0.9898,1,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,0,2,14,20,0,0,8,0,20,1,0,1,0,39,44,12,0,5,10,0,5,3,6,1,1,0,0,2,8,10,0,4,9,0,0,3,7,9,0,1,13,5,30,11,23,24,5,23,0,7,0,0,20,12,0,6,10,117,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664506616856033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969935908642203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627974703362788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879439584919604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698782005144667,0.0,0.0,0.21518965335674275,0.0,0.06877733100738005,0.0,0.0,0.1990026512783419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795479933672288,0.0743909774595772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32180441531679976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746797452008452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084904346533987,0.18656126900430176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925561314829638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051870629797926,0.2262765735408579,0.0,0.0,0.1526189688763924,0.0,0.0,0.09215237358800377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852817903252726,0.0,0.09853096568227887,0.0,0.0,0.2092265251466812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056164261108007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276337725322172,0.0,0.2887644045263972,0.09092289187666136,0.10879439584919604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468009288444677,0.1166501912400676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012633701598093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479665874609954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822958589662454,0.1603297672032736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098944815322588,0.0,0.08705790981058617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101480267232852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917979573591515,0.13344546822017758,0.10230786283361462,0.08266812714475638,0.06071943597530258,0.11968289658614847,0.19740741489659347,0.09950132563917097,0.0,0.1413957906409206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591871513185212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396174077052748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161674814000076,0.10574975854476154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RosemaryJitters,2019/01/12,Haha omg I’m crazy. For years I thought everyone was the issue and holy shit it’s me. I have bpd. I don’t take in information correctly. Jesus Christ. I’m the insane one. Fuck me. This sub has been eye opening. At least now I know what’s wrong with me and can seek professional help instead of blaming my issues on everyone else. Jesus Christ my poor parents. I’m such an asshole. Wow. Truly just amazed by how blind I can be. Fuck. ,-0.6428409090909106,1.336847215909092,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,105.25,4.4727272727272736,18.0,6.322622252153567,0.1269863636363633,337,11,71,5,16,112,68,88,0.261,0.5920000000000001,0.147,-0.9042,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,3,1,8,5,2,1,1,10,16,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,3,2,10,3,7,12,1,6,4,0,2,2,3,4,3,0,2,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815167599887876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672303777594176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271676143876469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132829569462223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982135359030088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665955125891048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284124593267445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146355261011152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481935173728499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294410008629996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680599059423731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745063410702158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443850249382683,0.0,0.14394013688496474
bpd,benlovessubway,2019/01/12,"Supporting my girlfriend with bpd and depression I'm after getting into alittle argument with my s/o at the worst possible time. It's her birthday today and we are currently on holidays for it. All I really wanted was to give her the best birthday she could have  and it was genuinely going  that way until we got into abit of a fight. We had a disagreement over something that happened  months ago.

 Just for some context about 8 months ago I stupidly asked was she cheating on me. it was purley out of insecurity but we were going through a rough patch and she changed all her profile pictures on social media to without me so I just ended up getting panicked and I just asked her. This was not good for obvious reasons I completely regret ever doubting her and I've apologised alot for it. Though I do explain why I did it , from the mentioned above , not  for justification or shifting blame reasons , just so she'll understand me. 


Well anyways this came back up somehow in the conversation and she was mentioning that I wasnt owning what I did properly if I keep mentioning that aspect when apologising. She stopped talking to me and I repeatedly kept asking what she was thinking, she kept refusing to answer me, saying no I don't want to say it,  until she got up and left the room. She refuses to speak to me now and I feel so awfully bad that this is happening on her  birthday when we're supposed to be away celebrating  it. I did go out to give space and buy her a little gift but she's pretty much non-responsive , like she just looks so defeated and depressed. I feel incredibly guilty for this and I want her to feel better. 

Is there anything I can do right now that could make her feel better. I don't want her to be looking back on her birthday with only bad memories to it. Thank yous all in advance for reading this. ",4.534119190011545,6.188449529745044,5.5542146679257165,78.52798761934741,70.69971671388102,8.62906305739167,31.48767180778512,9.150863307647796,2.888888867904732,1456,65,265,30,27,480,185,353,0.185,0.7170000000000001,0.099,-0.9858,1,0,1,0,1,0,25.0,4,0,0,5,22,20,3,2,10,1,27,0,0,4,5,71,62,26,0,8,12,0,5,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,22,25,0,6,11,2,1,5,7,12,1,0,18,10,53,8,48,39,9,48,0,4,2,0,46,22,0,6,21,208,75,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855876160996212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614393131137371,0.0,0.2935891336767586,0.0,0.09835168804224904,0.1609871794149024,0.1748093117130285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985674563114202,0.1851645087530964,0.0,0.0,0.1318426483561083,0.0,0.0,0.11972771552558932,0.0,0.0,0.11073911620166237,0.0,0.10975653084520247,0.0,0.0,0.16715927339786033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032399540857236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271671232601167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946903837762563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117203885449072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093834962077589,0.2008400115989253,0.17847867730821154,0.08780185141607018,0.16744667061502722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851389584319443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304570137504553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373672469082438,0.0,0.0,0.05114207913516775,0.10491833489459897,0.0,0.0,0.17581214211598964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987569485296158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711150309385794,0.0,0.07695292609461925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961497593207473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180126300337772,0.0,0.10649868982073044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470979943586536,0.0,0.06706163093653106,0.21525997401900301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939740438636297,0.0,0.16649381491917356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670957698187362,0.0,0.08058891075991127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751839720162062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879129292162798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413900124116923,0.0,0.0963766342293626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707565985595024,0.10284901390123227,0.0,0.061040607649630436,0.0,0.09922579456050956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089771032503256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697537553437315,0.08309127927198155,0.0,0.0,0.09412121429692964,0.0,0.09445874554537924,0.0,0.0,0.1009092026149353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daniellehoyt,2019/01/12,"Nervous Breakdown at Work I was diagnosed with BPD last year and I'm on a cocktail of meds, go to therapy regularly, and am almost a year sober and active in AA. I'm engaged now to a wonderful, supportive man who takes care of himself mentally, financially, etc. I'm getting married March 23. I work in a very chaotic and stressful environment. The turnover is extremely high, but I've been there just over 3 years due to the salary they pay me. I'm now moved in with my fiance and we're combining finances in March and we've discussed me taking a less-stressful job and can take a much lower salary. I've been trying desperately to do so, but nothing is happening. Finally, this week, the stress was so bad at work I had a breakdown. Crying, shaking, manic. It was so embarrassing. I immediately called my sponsor who instructed me to call my psychiatrist, which I did - then I went straight to HR. HR is very well aware of the stressful environment that is my department, so she understood what was happening and was very supportive. HR and I discussed taking FMLA/short term disability while I work through this and when I went to my doctor later that day, she approved it for 3 weeks. I was put on more meds and instructed to see my therapist regularly (which I'm doing). 

​

I know I shouldn't feel shame, but I do. My boss looked at me like I was doing this for attention. There have been 2 strokes in my department and a good friend of mine who temporarily worked here, who lasted 6 months, threw himself down a flight of stairs and sent himself to the hospital so he wouldn't have to come into work. He's the breadwinner of his family, not on any meds, no real history of mental illness. I guess what I'm struggling with the most is, I'm glad that I have the opportunity to take time off and work on this, but the reality is I have to go back to work on Feb 1. It isn't over. My fiance has made it clear that I do need to work and bring in an income (which I completely support, and I want to work. I have never had any type of breakdown like this anywhere else). But what happens if I go back and this happens again? I still have to be there another 1.5 months. We're just not quite at the point where I can leave work permanently yet without finding other employment. Has anyone here ever been in this situation? I feel like over the years I've done so much to try and make this job accommodating. I got my diagnoses, got on meds, started going to therapy regularly, quit drinking, got involved in my church, started exercising with a friend regularly. My fiance and I really only bicker about my job-related stress. He's doing such a wonderful job of being supportive but he's getting tired of this, and I don't blame him. Reddit - please help me. I need some advice so badly that I can't stand it. ",5.04339979323586,5.992310227686707,6.102039088268597,77.74180770934873,68.7632058287796,9.578122384679762,30.866981735834194,9.77003265185595,2.885959346231477,2221,88,430,50,37,740,254,549,0.10800000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.141,0.9521,9,0,1,0,0,0,74.0,0,0,1,15,27,26,0,9,23,0,45,8,0,3,3,62,97,37,0,6,12,0,3,3,2,2,7,0,0,1,30,26,2,0,8,3,2,15,10,11,2,0,24,5,57,15,61,69,7,77,1,0,2,0,26,29,0,7,35,281,87,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550175367818666,0.0,0.0,0.05687438327504232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615399500189762,0.06901504752231961,0.07724834784442833,0.059557017300086924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971405677963466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734737642243147,0.0948468990377914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153432637521707,0.0,0.11599297421125272,0.0,0.057908726036940764,0.0,0.0,0.048925923638958514,0.059550984428693325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238926762194226,0.03662961882131199,0.0,0.0,0.11529631370306448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058134536966990814,0.0,0.058123451192816485,0.0,0.05563982073004803,0.0,0.0,0.0474469325612024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334410529503351,0.0,0.051376492372556745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354352591863862,0.0,0.05743693548066337,0.04057606787477815,0.0,0.06221876621275663,0.05191178690877984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776304764507911,0.0,0.05934858572207699,0.0,0.1291170660659861,0.04763895730144053,0.1362781876984028,0.0,0.06256873019118989,0.0,0.2009029830994724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038070094320964205,0.06000956256990455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254505885439211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031214361017923874,0.0925949095266313,0.0,0.060140236759673886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324500969855042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769550411670176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053743065191797335,0.037912699901217116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523563918441397,0.0,0.11447682359458347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906702721192364,0.060366638614645175,0.08350523596753001,0.08422909232019768,0.043805649814508366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054498629030110435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043196975665243664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623464799896325,0.05369189355781396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709706605650418,0.0,0.12082203449343006,0.0,0.06464786611983367,0.0363858634097736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045260167485402826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384264782402937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804029721528736,0.0,0.04535847026314467,0.0,0.3253061006333208,0.059376965687989565,0.0,0.0,0.2578120274234025,0.0,0.0,0.21352284962978446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299055343673352,0.06594614925267636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033119015767616264,0.0652802463574084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712340117282983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059138900808735,0.033500573108176515,0.0,0.09111888307742376,0.0,0.051067676099487085,0.1053035019984061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475065863833778,0.12318869665143298,0.4548409525541712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901504752231961,0.14630263194038734
bpd,humanbinchicken,2019/01/12,"Has anyone else experienced their FP passing away? It's a significantly heightened level of loss and I would like to know how other people have coped with this (F 43) In the last handful of years, a whole bunch of not-entirely unrelated life events happened within a close time frame.. 

I voluntarily ended contact with my narcissist father, I lost a lot of weight due to anxiety and bulimia, I was made redundant and lost my career when a business sale occured and ownership changed hands, I lost my house when I was forced to sell it, I lost my dream of living in a part of the country that I had intended to stay in forever, I lost my husband to alcoholism and adultery so I separated from him, and I lost my 13 year old Samoyed to age-related disease...

But by far, the biggest event was losing my best friend and someone that I had a genuine deep love for, to undiagnosed late stage cancer, which resulted in my complete emotional breakdown.  I dropped all the balls on the ground and had to rebuild myself.

I'm in a good place again finally, with a loving and caring partner that knows all the unspeakable details of what I went through, but I don't feel much of anything anymore... definitely not any of the usual symptoms of BPD that I'm familiar with.. it's like a reset button was hit in my brain and I'm now a completely different person.

Has anyone else been so completely immersed in the direct pain of experiencing all their greatest fears of loss that it just wipes the slate clean?

Is this even a thing?  I've had grief counseling in the months after his funeral and dealt with everything as best as I could by dropping out of society for a while, but I just feel so different now to who I know I used to be.",7.202087948976164,6.855707861027195,7.623962739174223,73.15517203759651,64.04531722054381,11.101779120510239,36.51577710641155,10.62613485830676,3.8536101376300764,1366,60,254,31,18,450,192,331,0.11199999999999999,0.767,0.121,0.7776,2,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,11,12,21,0,1,23,0,17,11,3,5,3,40,39,23,2,2,6,2,5,2,2,1,5,0,1,2,16,18,2,0,5,2,2,2,2,12,0,0,17,7,33,9,49,18,11,45,0,10,0,2,13,19,0,1,22,177,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658505473844264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061459158267858326,0.0,0.06913781914258553,0.0,0.08962926016904918,0.12638678077588553,0.1852029268036513,0.07437220626935574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491175081826935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896892426844862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382611043366668,0.10089012753092033,0.0,0.0,0.0921449236885159,0.0,0.0956064143679125,0.0,0.2842743032677412,0.0,0.0,0.07215832718409894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884853390822204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509960339074702,0.10166146287453627,0.08004680479234443,0.0,0.0,0.05969286389010359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122462239818369,0.0,0.0,0.10169875340525253,0.09139420600259393,0.0,0.0,0.09900310120811187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982470416262175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580356857343852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991969135483531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428241320624114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900577740982862,0.07366895678929028,0.10194869342498598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383563533914917,0.08830684183047546,0.0,0.07980415607849548,0.0,0.0,0.10110825045329684,0.5919401315775439,0.07683491731978269,0.16313674342304524,0.08551648395314475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213770598160255,0.0,0.06643716864804697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948349941593892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616702923808662,0.0,0.0,0.09786900467892087,0.0,0.06265572552477876,0.07891332405303382,0.09442426695411102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657576391619908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632938534845598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393584784446324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060042168986843024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269929748754968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805632823940926,0.09953700982067852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005429949099707,0.0,0.08377997427871943,0.0,0.1009021989546364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420091344259052,0.0,0.0,0.11639907988112433
bpd,CurlyDee,2019/01/12,"How Borderline was Alanis Morrisette? Any other Gen Xers here remember Alanie Morrisette's lyrics? I was listening to ""All I Really Want"" this morning.  OMG how Borderline was she when she wrote these lyrics? Or am I just seeing it everywhere now? I feel like it is everywhere.

Do I stress you out?
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say, how appropriate
I don't like to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
And there I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance, ah
Do I wear you out?
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature, yeah
And what I wouldn't give to find a soul mate?
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred? Ah
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses is falling
All around, all around
Why are you so petrified of silence?
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, you ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're going to die?
Or did you long for the next distraction?
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
And all I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength, ah
And all I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice, ah
It's all I really want, some patience
A way to calm me down
And all I really want is deliverance
A place to find a common ground",1.6044447834045137,3.701267105145417,3.2606360585723024,89.77989856619892,80.40939597315436,6.8376855806386025,20.89734594264796,7.924219607001951,0.8662174496644295,1704,48,368,31,44,564,193,447,0.10300000000000001,0.784,0.114,-0.7948,0,0,0,1,0,0,28.0,0,17,0,0,20,11,2,2,28,5,40,4,3,5,14,88,69,36,2,21,9,1,2,4,1,4,1,4,0,2,17,28,0,1,9,0,1,9,7,4,4,0,8,8,56,7,46,52,21,44,2,0,2,0,34,19,0,13,16,252,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195318545035128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056665074987743175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483570198327704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090496147037814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958898573211248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648005301223202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960884126437264,0.0,0.0,0.17219769863626747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488874642546564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042132529004148864,0.05952867583556733,0.0,0.0,0.22847753097771306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043534808888479784,0.1598693006760753,0.09471307069972762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585219126841137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218874787903332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704145778494658,0.05885617644839845,0.16283704350281006,0.0,0.0,0.07374158751683581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076730302083633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061254778775318076,0.06178575938071396,0.0,0.0,0.08861898709730978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012133724161956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741175218930909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48043148171526395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439301013333973,0.0,0.0,0.06626480835694848,0.0,0.0,0.13280132746311665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060251924772001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545055707071408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394983580135514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678488562300444,0.0,0.0,0.04858852168001632,0.0,0.07898405431829532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44233470002936814,0.26456371125928063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037893567976598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036434989462724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919296126137416,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,courtezanry,2019/01/12,"I can't tell if I've become the monster or am being gaslit. Quick background: this is in regards to poly long distance internet relationships.

I was initiating phone sex with one of my partners. We were in the middle of it, and he drops some dirty talk about how he's just my toy and I will abandon him when I'm done with him.

Oh hey, now I'm thinking about abandonment, no, nope nope too loud and I freeze up.

He stops and we sit in silence for a while. He guesses he triggered me and he says he's sorry. Then he says something that casts me in a bad light. I question him, and I'm trying to do it because I always try to be a better person even though it's really fucking hard to look at flaws in myself because all I feel is disgust at my weakness. I've gotten better about this actually, but it still hits really hard when talking about something that could hurt another person directly.

Things that come out of the conversation afterwards, roughly in order:

* He was always terrified of triggering me.
* He really wasn't into power dynamics or kink in sex.
* He was terrified of communicating honestly about his concerns about my triggers because he was afraid I would back away and not talk with him for two months, which I apparently did about a year ago, he counted. I was up front about being poly and already with a primary partner, I can't remember if there really was this time period but he never came out and talked to me about it.
* I am emotionally abusive by withholding affection, belittling him in group chat, yelling at him in private. 

So obviously the last strikes me in the heart, and of course I believe him. I survived an emotionally abusive household. I consider abusers scum. Yet here he is, pointing at things I've done - back away from him because I feel angry or frustrated and need to cool down and I have a long cooldown time, I try to give as well as I get at roasting in the group chat we're part of on Discord, and I yell to him and yeah, sometimes at him, but I try to apologize and be aware of my actions and volume, it's just that I've lowered my defenses towards you and you're getting me at my emotional loudest.

But I'm terrified that I'm an unreliable narrator, that I'm being manipulative and casting myself in a better light in my memories, that I really didn't learn how to not be emotionally abusive and I am perpetuating the cycle.

And yet, may I please remind everyone that this is an *internet relationship where we play vidya games and chat and RP and phonesex.* I was direct to him up front that this I was poly, this probably would never go anywhere in person, but he and I hit it off on all fronts and look, I'm taking time off from the dating scene because my dating scene is the BDSM scene and dude that shit can get dramalicious. Part of me goes, wait, can I really be that bad? 

Please ask questions if you need to understand better. Yes, I'm a  loser in long-term online relationships, I'll just get that out there.",4.065582375478924,5.6866147000000025,5.325977011494255,79.83450191570884,71.82758620689654,8.603831417624523,29.26819923371648,9.150863307647796,2.5467291187739467,2346,95,448,50,45,781,258,580,0.157,0.759,0.084,-0.9942,3,0,2,0,2,0,64.0,3,2,0,7,32,22,5,1,20,3,40,6,2,7,5,89,72,47,0,8,16,0,6,0,2,4,1,5,0,5,28,39,0,6,8,6,0,7,11,13,1,2,16,16,63,9,78,42,5,77,0,4,2,3,62,40,2,11,27,305,91,1,0.0,0.3253431155423752,0.06698982415383231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608516548508355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575395942754015,0.0,0.11424004057561085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198263852059597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417592224423709,0.0,0.12899272269398365,0.1055710125820746,0.11463519091018742,0.20923366542483185,0.07581550632478629,0.0,0.07734195539806378,0.0,0.2428516948290264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785141786328172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913353682311238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480925195171903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140499963445144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30887571538374864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534086839797647,0.0,0.0,0.06559539960551472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942023546282178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346328653659318,0.14346144204016864,0.06585270786330524,0.03901382034730532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562269724408356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298892414385593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134733469244118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348831259191803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559566798629207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822519970846135,0.11529281980631115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054793588718835474,0.0,0.0,0.10180214826496768,0.10588999915390207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651716059221216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867658786006338,0.0,0.0,0.17982042111378754,0.0,0.1507081561694909,0.06489385030792663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401335786392245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380128574768806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263863158884052,0.0,0.0,0.22110440306530746,0.07776396461811848,0.0,0.0,0.10918211433700413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046542682816702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056960304880367,0.0678938963379079,0.07684498834566282,0.0,0.0,0.054821791231549434,0.05739218393486562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051614196941208834,0.2207042720037223,0.06000073177877515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912123796698202,0.04398639293103843,0.06744558529494839,0.0,0.120086309635662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642793611138794,0.0,0.06705839906403151,0.07146421957457551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061722131755427775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753008911716747,0.0,0.0,0.04420658533197452
bpd,shy_penguin_127,2019/01/12,Fp is back in town My old fp (favorite person) is coming back in town for a couple days  after moving away. I know I won't see her but ever since I found out I havent been able to stop thinking about her. This wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that I just now am starting to forget about her and not be so attached this recent stuff is resurfacing all of my emotions. All I can think about is her and if there's a way I can somehow see her and it's really affecting me. Any idea how I can get them out of my head?,1.5462801932367152,2.590971086956525,3.3481159420289863,93.81685990338171,77.26086956521739,6.154589371980678,19.73429951690821,6.42735559955562,-0.08968599033816416,405,8,97,3,9,136,77,115,0.05,0.95,0.0,-0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,12,0,0,0,4,0,14,1,1,2,4,26,23,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,2,18,0,16,17,2,21,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,2,10,74,23,0,0.19342234918113385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315338301781453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172666413005906,0.2974596945424072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666162270342935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401815041704592,0.0,0.12474141379012432,0.19940994885889735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757410889231585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496158847280954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120776223258406,0.0,0.0,0.1010551942340838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850713260893307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835028877624046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062998646785182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557734666261632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029642183243195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688889346571652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239113097477475,0.0,0.1909812351702969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30826513964279056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000096601403918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690533428977425,0.0,0.0,0.16170974479490305,0.0,0.0,0.2214223139207981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24787446260623655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352965771070293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ecstaticenigmatic,2019/01/12,"Should I Breakup with SO to Protect Him? My boyfriend is a truly great man, and loves me unconditionally, which is the problem. We've been together for a year and 4 months. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and BPD in 2017. I stopped going to therapy in 2018, Early June.

Because of my childhood (i was raised by a narc mom), when I am upset with him or triggered, I am insanely cold and distant. But like to the Nth degree. I can legitimately turn off my sadness and just stonewall it through whatever I'm going through, since I was used to doing it whenever my mother what completely rip me to shreds verbally. I don't think this is fair, because he's not very good at this, and also doesn't understand it. I suspect he also has borderline personality disorder, as we have insanely similar childhoods and thought processes. but in his case, he is extremely sensitive and internalizes everything, including me stonewalling. Which leads to more of my stonewalling.

I've experienced this (a significant other putting up a wall and shutting down emotions) before, and it made me sad myself, so I know it hurts him. To make matters worse, I read a question on Quora from a man wondering where his borderline girlfriend went, and if he should wait around for her to come home, or move on.

The top voted answer was a long explanation of how horrible their relationship would more than likely been anyway, and how she wasnt worth waiting up for because she wont change and is incapable of doing so if she has borderline personality disorder.

This made me insanely sad, but also made me wonder if it were true. Should I let this man go so he can find the sweet woman he needs?

We are best friends, and I love him with all of my heart, and have for over a year and a half. I'm not sure whether it's selfish of me to not break up with him knowing that he will likely never leave me, though. Being his best friend, I know in my heart that if he weren't the love of my life, I would tell him he doesn't deserve the hurt he goes through dealing with me. But being in love with him, I am afraid of letting him go.",7.517504105090308,6.738554330049263,7.615517241379313,74.8978735632184,63.581280788177345,11.1816091954023,36.821018062397364,10.504223727775694,3.700341215106732,1662,71,322,35,21,539,208,406,0.111,0.7340000000000001,0.155,0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,2,0,1,4,15,25,0,2,16,0,40,9,2,9,4,78,69,39,0,11,15,2,0,3,3,7,3,0,1,6,18,27,0,4,12,1,1,9,10,9,0,1,14,3,53,16,50,44,5,40,0,5,0,4,47,19,0,9,14,228,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627388683432444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025080196353236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648600895271622,0.0,0.07670927911069178,0.0,0.18920945665740865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353820703688047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536459453109124,0.07765449021569569,0.0945184269136764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293859426662228,0.0,0.0914982875993283,0.0,0.0,0.3099521362831056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140432784310703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101917880881726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239360749394603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929618937694738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493266550243688,0.0756118365991344,0.0,0.0993884504492974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365154683181736,0.0,0.0,0.09042575982638587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301052356153398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862889314932273,0.0,0.0,0.09545367935179838,0.0,0.1843648053069828,0.06367417417544845,0.1321252274937979,0.0,0.0,0.0797781128653125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254482346716432,0.25590055453392113,0.06017446712411913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558020791161572,0.07195524617067392,0.09581302097121104,0.0,0.06684357431575871,0.06952766860397579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742745298361288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625942843902029,0.0,0.09062360457716884,0.10098635293016324,0.0,0.09017236103319458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967851782418182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457132880149632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536773589509875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849633908275257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879329546593898,0.0,0.10309205526638568,0.0,0.0,0.0577631764138286,0.08856991860719172,0.07156741515095298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805510005616712,0.0,0.09384721154641253,0.0,0.07785889830039823,0.0,0.0743815127722747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083568067370141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552324672284188,0.0,0.0,0.0918684786181248,0.1280770567426105,0.0,0.0,0.1161046686045474
bpd,mmalonso,2019/01/12,"I need help. Or guidance. Or kind words. Or anything.. This will be long, and I'm sorry. If you stick through it, thank you.

​

I know my boyfriend has BPD. We are awaiting an official diagnosis, but I know it. He knows it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I say together loosely, as there have been some breaks.

We met and instantly, I felt this was the person for me. We were a team. Always.

He is a recovering heroin addict. That came with it's own set of challenges. We were rocky due to it. I have learned a lot about addiction and mental health because of it though, and can say that helping him has made me a better person.

I'm going to fast forward through the past 4 years and bring you up to now.

He has been sober for 7 or so months, the longest consecutive time since we've been together. I'm proud of him every day. I thought that once he stayed sober, all of our problems would melt.

Obviously I was wrong. The sad truth is, anytime his BPD symptoms would pop up in the past, it was usually right before he started using drugs, and I would chalk it up to his behavior being because of the drugs. Now that I know for a fact he is sober, it was glaringly obvious that his behaviors were something bigger.

He has an appointment for a psychiatrist in a month, but I'm afraid that's too long after what's happened tonight.

We have been not great. I found out he lied about something a few days ago, so we've been a bit cold. He asked me to go for a hike with him today. On our way home, we argued about something (very minor). He told me he's starting to resent me. I said ""ditto."" He punched the dashboard so hard and slammed on his brakes and brought us to a complete stop. I was terrified, the car was smoking. He dropped me off at home and left, and insisted that he was driving to the woods and hanging himself. Screaming on the phone to just let him die. It took a really long time to convince him to come home.

​

The point of all this is that he needs help, and I need to know how to help him. We start with a psychiatrist, and then what? He has been in therapy for over 10 years. I'm hoping that the correct diagnosis will help put us on the path to help. 

How can I be a supportive partner through all of this?

​",2.000762237762242,4.133738514285717,3.0438336663336685,91.65809815184817,79.24175824175825,6.246253746253747,25.066183816183816,7.348242739294969,1.067912087912088,1764,67,378,24,44,563,216,455,0.105,0.802,0.09300000000000001,-0.8735,0,0,5,0,0,0,78.0,11,3,0,4,14,17,2,1,29,0,42,6,0,4,8,70,78,29,1,9,9,0,2,0,1,5,6,4,3,3,25,27,0,2,9,1,0,12,1,7,0,0,27,7,49,10,53,42,8,63,0,1,0,0,59,19,0,8,29,239,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594702145117467,0.0,0.0,0.06483558857701184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060859645378072626,0.23774658117695335,0.26662503939533466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018927993463238,0.0,0.06837749443917594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917284423043614,0.0,0.062238088825371074,0.0,0.0,0.06468777476044517,0.07985165079389836,0.0,0.18423849361008587,0.0,0.0,0.08365447079093621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630049860429433,0.07668754442860891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434052342580253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590940195696565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964200026752674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162492718271551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022737720184401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801959561352328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313607940674142,0.0,0.0,0.08063883899043436,0.0,0.0,0.0646788486793572,0.0,0.06552048013210998,0.0,0.0,0.0777460685142744,0.0,0.0,0.29415151514105714,0.0,0.22010087452608532,0.07264608227746598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616568968812769,0.2009834699071153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946852966948806,0.07479221068164699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418396310309252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218234713335735,0.0,0.0692083218970225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737094993447808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676180651260093,0.0,0.0,0.16270064184801986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789338482540249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964380915776048,0.0,0.1277287952114307,0.0,0.0,0.06914242496866388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998660437763395,0.0,0.0735274795531614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468563625535272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246250102739277,0.06957438219417532,0.11633022409126925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050346241784187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689238615714875,0.0,0.08187599927722028,0.15530993882768107,0.07795918168234163,0.0,0.061149627471241176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300018671788617,0.0,0.0760220964983941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733893065341083,0.08364375949356401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186122103397477,0.05806623648150525,0.08529887515636489,0.0,0.06932965601432096,0.06988990442072496,0.08126297534924831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596060573128575,0.06317083258302071,0.08055510584498582,0.060349455144873915,0.0,0.058056373700322385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587301809738252,0.07996882469321387,0.26662503939533466,0.14130231886072267
bpd,lizziyoung,2019/01/12,Crohn’s/Colitis and BPD? Hello! Anyone else here diagnoses with any form of digestive issues that also has BPD? Sometimes I feel like I’m alone! Having a chronic illness is super traumatizing.  ,4.135454545454547,7.511934060606066,5.22036363636364,69.39054545454547,87.18181818181819,7.488484848484847,30.842424242424244,8.238735603445708,3.736398787878787,156,8,20,4,5,51,31,33,0.22699999999999998,0.61,0.163,-0.3703,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686846398799565,0.0,0.20746098107835914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641696262492434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139503215491146,0.26581016350360204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6534699542287254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26330952095323235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671515215249185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117238080468838,0.18533229122640546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707708665969612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126741280338031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565766009111169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iris-bae,2019/01/12,"DAE feel like the most boring person on the planet? I feel as if I’m the most boring person on the planet/have zero personality whatsoever due to my various mental illnesses, specifically my BPD, CPTSD and anxiety/agoraphobia. Its as if I’ve forgotten how to talk completely.

Or is this feeling me disassociating or depersonalising? Because I’ve just been feeling so numb and full lately, despite the gillian reassurances a day from my FP.",6.627307692307693,8.834877115384613,8.692820512820512,55.89384615384617,66.30769230769229,11.353846153846154,34.7948717948718,11.20814326018867,4.8803948717948735,357,17,53,12,6,127,56,78,0.18899999999999997,0.742,0.069,-0.8764,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,14,7,10,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,5,2,7,6,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,6,4,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325072458396032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959678805096813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463877069475223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155228539591234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752819777183976,0.16788042072729467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265084510036986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480664986044875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23681961209120794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6155655106275699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888001853761732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Experimental_Troll,2019/01/12,"I get anxious about making friends with my girlfriend or bringing my friends around her because I have a basically crippling fear that she will end up somehow end up eventually cheating with them or leaving me for them. Does anyone else experience this? I know it's unhealthy and I want to spend time with my friends and my girlfriend and for us to all be friends. But I'm so scared of her betraying me. And if I were to hang with my friends on my own I'd be too scared she's just going to cheat while I'm gone (we live together).

I realize this paranoia is preventing me from living a well rounded fulfilling life but I can't seem to stop feeling this way. She is very understanding of how I am and gets it and does what she can to reassure me but I feel so bad.",2.5202949308755755,4.515117199999999,3.6491474654377885,88.61943548387094,77.0,7.009216589861751,29.135944700460833,7.957251820313856,1.8671105990783408,606,28,128,10,14,196,95,155,0.159,0.7170000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.7827,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,2,0,9,13,2,3,2,0,10,1,0,2,1,32,24,16,0,2,7,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,0,0,7,12,0,2,6,0,1,4,1,6,1,0,2,3,29,7,20,19,2,14,0,0,1,0,18,4,0,5,5,90,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388179852710935,0.0,0.10143259788750587,0.14863590865072673,0.0,0.1291383216016993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211229492917302,0.08843008310503912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538941598596783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118292669471087,0.0,0.25696849980154624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190109376253054,0.0,0.1632380965238383,0.1466981228542813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603830635183489,0.0,0.15158061701283054,0.0,0.0824436012376962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972375491667506,0.0,0.0,0.1536025515084515,0.0,0.0,0.10246347427317024,0.0,0.0,0.2561895420887644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683180102320478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904701048684083,0.0,0.0,0.13206143734764225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128056889495027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458838207909443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101744891734015,0.1744949499179445,0.0,0.0,0.11969355423976764,0.08556290735891728,0.11514559158458293,0.0,0.0,0.13043056980028622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hotcinnamonbuns,2019/01/12,"Looking for friends! Hello

I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of years ago, and I have understanding people around me but they don't get it!

Can anyone be a texting friend with me? Someone that understands my brain!",2.7052499999999995,5.637149025000002,3.4600000000000013,84.50500000000002,83.75,6.2,25.5,7.554174236665415,1.7311,171,7,30,3,5,54,36,40,0.0,0.82,0.18,0.8034,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,7,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,5,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843752111770556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230342908613097,0.0,0.0,0.21936710783132932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31035886865471096,0.2750875499446448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27266036520443643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25011232574728465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807688078859551,0.0,0.1287449037008217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693174099286746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083742925523793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087918788128286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130663089030963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868717031057458
bpd,typicalme26,2019/04/30,"My dating life is a mess, HELP!! I met this guy, who is AMAZING. We met on a dating app, I didn't think it work out because I know how online dating can be so I virtually had no expectations whatsoever. Anyways this guy, this amazing man told me upfront he wanted a relationship he didn't want to play games and did not want to waste time. I recently got out of a 4 year relationship that ended not because of my crazy ass but because of his depression it got the best of him and he couldn't handle being in a relationship. I went out with this man for a month before he asked me to be his girlfriend. He told me he loved me the day I got into this argument with him. We got in our first argument in his apartment, I was scared that he was going to leave me so I got in a one sided argument with him while he was sleep. I became attached too quickly and tried so hard not to be so clingy and annoying but I couldn't help it. I texted him everyday and we talked on the phone while he drove (he's a truck driver). After that argument I left and he was still sleep, he called me asking me where I went and I ended up making plans to come back to his place the next day. When I arrived I could tell in his eyes he was over me over one tiny argument. We went to eat breakfast, got into another argument when we went back to his place because I didn't eat anything at breakfast (my severe food allergies stop me from eating out due to possible contamination and the fact that I don't like using an epi pen every time my throat decides to close, its painful). 

Anyways, I left his place again after this argument and then texted him telling him I hope he finds the girl of his dreams. I got overwhelmed with the fear of losing him because he's not one to fight for a relationship if the woman decides to leave. I texted him again saying sorry. He was upset for a few days, we didn't talk, that CRUSHED me not talking to him I couldn't stop crying so I texted him yesterday asking him why he was ignoring me and how childish it was. He responded saying he was just sick and was sleeping it off for the last 2-3 days and that he would call me when he can. My problem is I feel like he's over me and just won't say it, what do I do? Do I just wait for him to text/call me?  I was perfectly fine before I started talking to him, up until now it's back to the crazy obsessive thoughts, clingy tendencies, and overwhelming love I have for him.",4.260400449101798,4.608225820359287,5.330707959081838,84.72953499251498,70.2375249500998,8.577869261477046,27.63229790419161,8.567472430010655,1.733503443113772,1900,60,411,29,32,629,207,501,0.192,0.7120000000000001,0.096,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,1,0,43.0,7,0,0,6,25,25,2,6,21,0,37,17,6,4,2,71,72,31,0,12,11,0,2,2,1,2,3,3,0,6,22,32,6,4,7,3,0,7,15,14,0,4,34,6,79,11,57,28,2,76,0,4,1,3,89,29,1,2,42,273,101,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119671769597546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587406825039015,0.0,0.19042571012152404,0.0,0.0,0.1566275507711552,0.0,0.2069492104750177,0.0,0.11555197957441285,0.0,0.07125450637925264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866240140980107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848790505720468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054210833591736236,0.0,0.07458249716833286,0.17515374333753495,0.0,0.05848023809258945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084290664606928,0.0,0.0,0.120274518090664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057206788170116686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640385264577013,0.03433114573329025,0.048506170736140976,0.0,0.0,0.0620573192746615,0.057753796905121,0.08210223654702334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858785966443625,0.0,0.3801282685775538,0.0,0.0,0.1344589074048126,0.0,0.0,0.06082305325260085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102086977834233,0.0,0.0,0.06743779230625188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037314831235682834,0.05534573365582509,0.0,0.14378784072322498,0.14754222198150144,0.0,0.04795819331792879,0.06634282825418103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759602218340105,0.0,0.0,0.12256075210614535,0.0,0.04532227962925961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419534137315777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722100342107335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802783082567105,0.0,0.07224799995344637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128161124000804,0.0,0.0,0.07654451851148236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496898307897754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670408431949965,0.29158712137462106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198506330822893,0.06797749901208362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670513839984974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384037403190094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760059794144843,0.04805838144514637,0.0,0.05422323596520498,0.1135311292151922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829457868023008,0.11869126361026948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04350614070751717,0.0,0.05390323432568798,0.07918345554796925,0.0,0.0,0.12975843186221306,0.0,0.046098119667314266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864186139144625,0.0,0.0,0.12014356767826663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25176760167158885,0.06126716432724405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943037531489345,0.0,0.0,0.04823261806214221,0.0,0.0,0.04372392900384031
bpd,xkirarrax,2019/04/30,"I feel lost and...unloved. it's going to ruin my relationships. I dont know what to do  I want to start by saying I'm not officially diagnosed with BPD. I have had several very close friends recognize a lot of the signs in my behavior and it's something that I know I need to explore with a therapist. 

1. I have some weird issue with abandonment. It seems completely unfounded for the most part. Yeah, growing up with a narcissistic mom left me feeling emotionally abandoned most of the time and I've had a few friends walk out of my life at different points, but I dont know that it justifies this crazy fear of abandonment that I have. 

2. I often flip flop feelings on people I care an awful lot about because of feeling hurt. I'll lash out to them or others in an attempt to hurt them how I feel they've hurt me because then I feel like they wouldnt hurt me. If they could only see how it hurts. But after the fact I always feel like a shitty person because I dont want to hurt them. I love them, but here I am. Doing the same fucked up shit on a different day because my brain is...wired wrong?

3. I guess you could say my self image is unstable. I often go between I'm a badass and insulting myself and back again. It's pretty regular. I beat myself up for weeks, months over things. 

4. I'm not sure I'd say I have impulsive behaviors...sometimes I'll binge drink or I wont eat for entire days or maybe I'll binge eat my feelings, but that could always be the depression. Who knows. 

5. I certainly think about self harm on what I feel like is a daily basis. I think about how it would feel to cut myself again. I havent given in to these urges, but it's been harder and harder lately. I have a lot of vivid suicidal ideation. Not just wishing I wasnt alive or did t exist. No. I often envision blowing my own brains out and what that would look or feel like. I...havent honestly shared that with people. Not to this detail. I dont think I actually have the guts to do it and I'm smart enough to not enable myself with a gun.  But the thought. there.

6. Periods of emotional intensity...I can be totally fine and then all of a sudden the tiniest thing or even nothing at all and my brain triggers into a spiral. I hate myself. I feel alone, depressed, unloved. All...untrue things. But I FEEL it...its incredibly painful. I end up laying down and staring at the ceiling for hours. 

7. Chronic emptiness...this one is...difficult. see above - I feel unloved a lot. I feel like my friends and family would not miss a beat if I was gone. I want it to not be true but I believe it. My friends tell me I shouldnt rely on other people for happiness...but everyone needs to feel loved, right? I frequently dont feel loved and it makes me feel empty. I wont eat, I wont drink, I'll just lay in my room all day going through all the reasons I suck and am unlovable. 

8. I've been told I have an anger issue. That I get crazy angry when I shouldnt. Sometimes I'm angry over things that aren't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I often have trouble controlling what comes out of my mouth. My filter is disconnected. I will say angry, hurtful things without thinking. 

9. I'm often paranoid about how others view me. I feel like my friends hate me and that I cant do anything right. I assume if someone is upset in my vicinity, that it's my fault. My brain runs through how terrible I am and everything I couldve possibly done wrong for the other person to feel like this and a lot of the time it turns out it wasnt my fault at all. 

I just...hate feeling like everyon... including myself hates me. I dont want to feel unloved. Somewhere inside of my head I know I'm loved, but the other voices are so much louder (no, I dont hear real voices...its a metaphor? Or something). 

I dont know what to do. I have no insurance and cant seek therapy right now. My best friend knows I probably have this condition, yet I feel like a lot of the time she doesnt consider it and forgets how some things might make me feel. And maybe I'm selfish. I'm probably selfish. I dont know. I feel like I'm losing my best friend. I cant seel therapy. It costs too much. I have no insurance and I make just barely enough to not qualify for Medicaid, but not nearly enough to afford my own private insurance. 

I just....I dont know what to do.",0.6995879277775359,3.020747253393665,2.6406686289153463,91.41672428941703,86.08144796380091,5.966946360321575,21.365329701708927,7.341410114990866,0.7914686464877221,3348,113,717,56,103,1115,341,884,0.23600000000000002,0.626,0.138,-0.9988,3,1,4,1,0,1,141.0,0,1,6,9,29,74,9,2,37,2,68,22,8,12,10,171,155,50,1,19,33,1,25,10,7,11,4,6,1,4,51,34,5,4,43,2,1,9,38,42,0,1,14,37,114,32,84,124,28,70,0,16,6,5,36,37,3,29,34,463,165,1,0.0,0.0,0.034886257677806023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03702559714751814,0.0,0.0,0.05949272957474664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02941871031456878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027489082071537742,0.0,0.0871700101808965,0.0,0.0,0.04027733195904916,0.07503357988485793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502511807911656,0.15963261461856088,0.0,0.0,0.036448896071911284,0.0,0.0,0.03079494280017622,0.037482565944151766,0.0,0.040095992152422,0.08562896130274783,0.0,0.0,0.06916621695597526,0.03685606185063768,0.061581812008503115,0.036284888679442684,0.0,0.07470102866460426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658404832660856,0.41898030781454537,0.07004160450553171,0.0,0.10974168374253487,0.0,0.08042652696437694,0.031663357589044885,0.11081606045689818,0.0,0.023612141668486682,0.0,0.0,0.06832016778732597,0.03212925576105947,0.0,0.03370135288915169,0.04022801414477665,0.4518992722030124,0.2553937864271376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933392853756065,0.033049744422554525,0.01867758610005488,0.0,0.06095162392901416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03938199473832903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058853944155403,0.03668919830276129,0.0,0.040292172207564106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03520595802425558,0.0,0.2678933060715463,0.0,0.0,0.0746261716366269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176822418778629,0.0,0.04032688055476221,0.0,0.038841827913714565,0.0,0.025250858593429584,0.17465351163554413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030020492447685683,0.03999443447631063,0.03902469333633038,0.18235716981325295,0.12906091770474182,0.0,0.07158900668736037,0.0,0.07183015508465307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037924464176529366,0.0,0.0418692654402585,0.028534830166854014,0.0,0.05255984504475765,0.053015454531876144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03430251365421131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02422471877420148,0.027189029778326733,0.038039882328106234,0.0,0.0,0.0387131166580799,0.0,0.07435239847881553,0.062429994664080724,0.0,0.0,0.03379473841203967,0.04030207727431273,0.0,0.036369992140160456,0.07708779972645315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040690643962181264,0.0,0.036756337455140835,0.0,0.038381476970397115,0.0,0.09158937730658928,0.0,0.1137174316451913,0.0,0.0,0.056975286930691274,0.0325449112843868,0.07458884211671189,0.04038664655868026,0.036696245567967946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030290350774435676,0.05504326965629073,0.07071414180623749,0.0,0.025303609459508724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910404145140318,0.0,0.033693386607460206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031246551489440326,0.0,0.08176510942928765,0.04150780901172338,0.1662521908761892,0.09162708859098542,0.0,0.028381030508453482,0.06253728822912342,0.0,0.0,0.034160083893662985,0.0,0.0,0.038885081713985616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02949699914132977,0.08434368988124252,0.0,0.02867601246623028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111004593809575,0.03446114606811492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618604459539198,0.0781727141577761,0.0,0.0
bpd,sorrythatuseristaken,2019/04/30,"What are your plans for your 21st birthday? My internal thought process-kill myself. I understand that suicidal ideation is a defense mechanism of BPD. But why do the thoughts of ending my own life relieve anxiety? Why am I so terrible at planning, that I decide that death is a viable option to celebrating my birthday? The irony is I put some forethought into this. About 6 months ago I told myself- if this conscious nightmare doesn't get better my 21, then I'll end my life. This leads to more questions. If my orbitofrontal cortex is damaged and that causes impaired planning and decision-making. 
What went wrong with my brain development?  How severe are brain abnormalities in BPD? Is it worth reading scientific literature or will that make me more parnaoid?",5.7912222222222205,8.529421251851852,5.579722222222222,75.09625000000003,69.81481481481481,8.055555555555555,34.9537037037037,8.841846274778883,3.475037037037037,619,32,96,12,12,192,98,135,0.18600000000000005,0.7490000000000001,0.065,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,2,0,5,3,6,1,0,4,0,11,4,2,4,0,21,18,9,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,6,1,1,3,1,4,0,0,4,0,17,2,10,13,4,11,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,6,5,66,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653262742300285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645762991307147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461985586285905,0.0,0.0,0.4163909225421,0.3690693911786754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981344454628294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928217679321963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636487408423417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335191722589827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034215940697516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194462074347565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617686371302498,0.18517907653365434,0.0,0.16534941663388633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867472395008604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808164929902364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26246690692392965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157955708429282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720880046182205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323909710856326,0.2983235295272169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807347207206644,0.0,0.0
bpd,npfrnr,2019/04/30,"Sertraline (Zoloft) mood “switching” + the DSM I don’t really trust the diagnosis of bipolar just because of the way I reacted on SSRIs, I’ve read that many people have had the same thing happen to them and that the DSM is not a one-size-fits-all mental health bible but is actually made to push product to those who don’t necessarily need it.

I say this because my psych is convinced that solely based on this reaction I have to be bipolar. I don’t identify with any of that, much more relevant to bpd.

I don’t trust her diagnosis and was wondering what I should do, thought about switching psychs but it would be like starting from 0 again after 4 years of lab ratting, currently on 120mg quetiapine but refuse to take lamotrigine/lamactil. 

Anyway, if someone can relate to this situation it would be great to get some advice from someone with ( unlikely) comorbid bipolar. Thanks.",7.823908969210173,7.602143506024097,8.023815261044179,70.38738286479253,62.73493975903615,11.474163319946456,37.119143239625174,10.980518767755715,4.130597858099063,706,31,126,17,9,231,110,166,0.017,0.84,0.14300000000000002,0.9708,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,6,0,19,5,0,2,0,21,28,6,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,14,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,1,10,6,21,18,4,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,6,84,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.18624614800378625,0.0,0.0,0.18650049520210293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978738662984246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326858725802976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403741577299061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971343149704816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041740651294655,0.0,0.0,0.16877172049771294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028690679102169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324171161571336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805908391663738,0.0,0.19349618211765976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923361234074356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029978178899974,0.14151595568694958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932773127569727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231425718224574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090582720608276,0.0,0.12226607439515708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177490374866645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452809407127815,0.0,0.0,0.32342025364395205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508757046829353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349859077901492,0.0,0.0,0.17571288628208884,0.0,0.0,0.12679503624873328,0.0,0.0,0.15151689978888627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514911640409082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069732162158999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711546662792559,0.0,0.0,0.12290383410433127
bpd,SimilarGarlic,2019/04/30,"When I'm mad/very emotional, I feel like a totally different person Logic goes out the window and when I get out of that state, I'm remorseful, embarassed, ashamed, etc. yet I keep doing it. I don't know why I have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. I think I'm self aware and somewhat intelligent, but I lose 30 IQ points when I am emotional and act like a fool.",4.000273972602741,4.8060690273972595,5.621808219178085,80.7612054794521,71.05479452054793,9.675616438356164,28.298630136986297,9.888512548439397,2.5106405479452056,281,10,60,7,5,96,51,73,0.153,0.7,0.147,-0.3508,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,12,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,3,12,3,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417915866415453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206476513221051,0.0,0.0,0.25810188326345085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701626494993575,0.16533124092806412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091086986346168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570263486448395,0.0,0.0,0.12718603137683068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226126737185806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589072183269834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041456385192672,0.0,0.0,0.2187729825641576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414284622790078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828884906813464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095121850513028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882655036753264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PlaySculptor,2019/04/30,"Understanding my own potential propensity for gaslighting Just a note: I'm new here, and don't have a diagnosis of BPD, but am working with my therapist and hopefully soon a psychiatrist to see if that's (part of) what's going on with me. 

​

So, often, when I get triggered (mostly by my spouse) and fly off the handle in a completely angry, mean, rage, I feel things are a certain way, I feel that there are certain patterns in my relationship that are unfair or harmful to me, and often voice those things (of course in an angry/enraged/passive aggressive way). After I calm down, my spouse often wants reassurance of whether the things I said are true or not, and in that moment of coming back together and being calmer, I think the world of them, and think that they are surely sincerely and legitimately incredible and amazing in basically every way, and those things I said are obviously false, and I must have just said them in my anger and defensiveness, and in my not having full or clear view of what's real. 

​

My spouse just today (and has before but again today) told me that the pattern of me telling them that \*this thing\* is true over and over and then telling me that \*it's not really that way\* over and over is gaslighting, and that it leaves them in a place where they don't know what's real and what's not, what they are or are not doing, etc. And I basically was like ""I have no clue what's real."" I feel like when I've heard people talk about gaslighting there is intentionality behind it - like, people do it as a form of intentional knowing manipulation, but I'm not trying to make them question their perception of reality, or even trying to clear my name or anything. I'm not denying saying something or doing something, but I am just having a really inconsistent experience of what is real and what is the pattern in my/our life. 

​

So I'm not quite sure what I'm asking here. I guess part of what I'm asking is whether that's really gaslighting, but that's not really the important thing. The important thing is that I want to stop doing it, and I don't know if it's possible. I feel like I have so little understanding of whether my experience is real, but so quickly jump to saying that something I'm feeling is objectively reality. I guess I'm curious if anyone has thoughts or advice of any kind around this.",9.494006622516556,7.35984398013245,9.419658940397351,67.87041556291393,60.63355408388522,12.415408388520973,37.44028697571744,11.00357731598739,3.94150604856512,1885,67,348,38,20,621,187,453,0.08,0.77,0.15,0.9868,0,0,3,0,0,0,73.0,0,0,9,2,25,21,4,0,16,0,37,1,0,5,10,107,76,50,0,7,33,3,5,4,0,1,1,7,0,0,41,26,0,2,16,0,0,3,13,5,0,0,7,14,42,16,45,67,7,42,0,0,2,0,28,22,0,19,17,264,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797563688807923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261127092049649,0.25357803128486683,0.04730486241681271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048639693777207636,0.0,0.057243982579022835,0.061925343020154615,0.13006303131469174,0.0,0.0,0.05348924267550786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919253522123032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761149103341223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992190515239219,0.07293492233279597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758053782411825,0.04594535286799785,0.0,0.05860937798079779,0.0,0.0,0.1360908798750285,0.0,0.0,0.17586436515302775,0.09939087950966853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634351750628103,0.0,0.03953395261096533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326179812931207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909122476364314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243860398997264,0.11468913662894185,0.0,0.0,0.07365660768202723,0.0,0.0,0.049134027085879065,0.1359388290040586,0.06971986585122954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046433486352066775,0.0,0.0,0.07577391863108908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718386333025493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065874417053202,0.0,0.09645171066800308,0.0,0.07267797156617761,0.0,0.0,0.07842122869154765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792588226590591,0.07398824542036267,0.0,0.39588657850626574,0.1782539883941791,0.0,0.0,0.07468405567604107,0.0,0.0,0.19850950501127507,0.11063773031554068,0.0,0.0,0.055432279281123965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065775499360205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815733654695775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112360231716738,0.0,0.0,0.055911675354778576,0.12160132310288738,0.0,0.0,0.08076738478857852,0.32349948099281434,0.08914563906751999,0.0,0.055224827962498016,0.0,0.0,0.1318741684699862,0.06646991749119663,0.0,0.0944566967035919,0.0,0.0,0.14483396113941605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205948973604968,0.22086179122340704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506423038809343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25357803128486683,0.0
bpd,huffleypuffy,2019/04/30,"Finally got a diagnosis that makes sense, BPD. I’ve been attending intensive outpatient therapy for the past few weeks, and we had a class on BPD vs Bipolar. So many of the symptoms just seemed like me. I met with my caseworker after, and was formally diagnosed with BPD. I honestly feel a sense of relief. I’m not crazy like I thought I was, and now that I have this diagnosis, can start on a path towards healing.",4.488791666666668,6.014040962500005,5.835000000000001,76.97666666666667,70.625,10.833333333333336,33.333333333333336,10.864195022040775,4.033833333333334,327,16,63,11,6,110,58,80,0.0,0.83,0.17,0.9029,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,6,4,0,1,0,13,14,4,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,8,4,9,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,8,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7448416176404766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008457747525646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996757363528496,0.0,0.0,0.2159481972818752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766426944607434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261723186691826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158697441477005,0.19986065426344954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881845620649211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794613421811456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953086785059055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489536948459014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254373372467572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650059030809454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812719969102576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,muchadance,2019/04/30,"Dealing with the anxiety of waiting for a friend to respond to a very big confrontation message So for many of us, I feel like we either go too hard when confronting someone or we avoid confrontation altogether. I bit the bullet today after avoiding one of my best friends for two weeks; she’s been victimizing herself for most of our friendship and it’s hit a boiling point, so after she sent me a message asking me to just tell her what was wrong, I did. I tried to be clear that I was angry but also tried not to outright insult and be super mean - whether she reads it as the latter or not is out of my control though.

It was many paragraphs long and I know she has a long shift now so she won’t reply for the rest of the day, if not until tomorrow. I’m sort of freaking the hell out??? Like the last time I got a long message from a friend breaking down everything I’ve ever done wrong it was the worst feeling and I’m not ready to receive that level of anger and defensiveness back. I think the anxiety of waiting is going to be the worst part now.


Did I do the right thing by confronting? How do you cope after you’ve done the “right thing” knowing you might get a really tough message back? I’m considering coping by smoking weed (ie. fake “coping”) but that might do more harm than good if she replies while I’m super high. I hate this.",4.13148538011696,5.157433177777778,4.811364522417153,85.87798245614037,70.92592592592592,7.31384015594542,27.91423001949318,7.475848149327749,1.4628148148148146,1058,37,215,11,19,340,152,270,0.231,0.643,0.125,-0.9859,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,4,2,0,4,14,29,10,2,20,0,21,1,0,2,2,42,41,22,0,2,13,0,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,11,10,1,6,6,1,0,4,5,20,0,2,11,3,28,9,34,23,9,34,1,0,0,0,28,9,1,8,22,155,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391174543123236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967302904634386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978472488253284,0.0,0.0,0.18059864457864092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323949913845265,0.0,0.128207264476798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171196144197328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573506820134293,0.12106906293578128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403510427809423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622557042601496,0.0,0.0,0.10554190253911301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875608772028078,0.08389471053001184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721871239521557,0.0,0.06135429922491554,0.0,0.13348063833488874,0.09849787675558001,0.09392251563816367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519759380586394,0.11594153794317442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407522819539107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907706040218794,0.09572419825478028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474441885761626,0.0,0.0,0.31177557968048064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381188266873975,0.0,0.1279198051298357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24915734940978645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957616344798536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716933176723075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101287295117523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746555173491105,0.0,0.07523108171960084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057560011553652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950125434233267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264229325781124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603556065501745,0.07524681964259082,0.11537808522591544,0.0,0.06847657711530421,0.0,0.11131348514829542,0.0,0.0,0.1594596459285401,0.0,0.11471573192653095,0.0,0.14125836906437722,0.0,0.0,0.09689516096241717,0.0,0.0,0.0941982887941462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25679079030699226,0.0,0.0
bpd,gracevenus93,2019/04/30,"newly diagnosed hi everyone! i’m sure a lot of you can relate in that once they realized/were diagnosed with bpd, they probably started to see how many of their emotional and social character traits are shared with others who have bpd. finding this subreddit has been incredible for me, it’s almost like i could have written every single post. so i’m still finding out how many of my little defining characteristics can be attributed to this. for example, my friends and i would always describe me as a social chameleon and i am just seeing on here that so many of you are social chameleons as well, it’s blowing my mind actually. 
so i’m curious: does anyone else have an absolutely hopeless sense of direction too? or is that not part of bpd?",4.624832134292569,6.940948071942447,5.651241007194248,75.17719724220628,71.87769784172663,9.237649880095924,31.007793764988012,9.725611199111238,3.408855635491608,598,27,102,16,12,197,95,139,0.023,0.856,0.121,0.892,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,3,0,10,6,0,0,3,0,14,2,0,3,1,20,21,11,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,13,5,17,16,3,7,0,1,2,0,12,4,0,3,3,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.12259068426369132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579406569115195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045290454287214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783906531768512,0.1287164043950102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746562459077319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003003633105956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25501097725793603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993421324191543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494254544412217,0.14130983988843898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058434496784726,0.12003890178491072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296357114227811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705661797976273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137343161940564,0.1259080264464193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068008422985175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382088375342939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684420279385494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378522188932987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360383078324091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031285211795238,0.0,0.13544367819739456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002117703612872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841728594211117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891715547798101,0.0,0.1003233100627927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839892250745435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129508617418686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923952639222123,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Breizh87,2019/04/30,"Is there an understanding for those in your lives? I hope I'm not coming across as disrespectful, because that is definitely not my purpose with this post.

​

I just want to know if, in the middle of your pain and suffer, you (not all, but those who's been causing a lot of severe harm to loved ones) feel guilty and realize how unreasonable a lot of these splits are.

​

I also wonder how many of you are willing to fully commit to DBT or other kind of therapy to help yourselves and in the long run, your loved ones as well.

​

I wish you the best.",7.084324324324324,6.6490038738738715,6.933108108108107,78.30614864864866,64.31531531531532,9.562162162162162,31.112612612612608,8.841846274778883,2.3075693693693693,454,14,88,6,6,144,76,111,0.11699999999999999,0.635,0.248,0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,6,0,1,6,9,0,0,6,0,6,3,0,3,2,27,17,11,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,3,1,2,1,1,11,6,18,15,4,9,0,1,0,2,10,5,0,6,1,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990070714041296,0.0,0.4060613605747373,0.4553845768220771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761517710902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310987571898244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833011318480025,0.0,0.10760991905304393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316471430707428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373311045595852,0.0,0.0,0.12407651400907585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008785838587886,0.06865429638525228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030910907136204,0.11055273486175923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212409771410411,0.22549538405116565,0.0,0.0,0.1266520979898919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930182616605852,0.0,0.13292665242720966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964149751122136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112719075999092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286009336244931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004902626766754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368269604890783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232058758553573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436550392176759,0.0,0.1354734329875277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553845768220771,0.0
bpd,anonymous_sad_girl96,2019/04/30,"Anyone know about ""therapeutic community"" (NHS England) I was diagnosed with BPD like 3 weeks ago and I'm still waiting to hear back about going into something called ""therapeutic community"" 

I'm just wondering if anyone knows anything about this and what it's like? The woman I saw said she would be sending some info through the post but I haven't recieved anything yet and can't find hardly anything about it online. 

Would love to hear your guys experiences with it and if it helped you or not, I'm so nervous and don't have a clue what to expect. Any advice/opinions/experiences will be appreciated. 

Thanks in advance! ^_^",5.519185823754789,7.501258370689657,6.01770114942529,74.87519157088123,68.74137931034483,8.259003831417624,30.992337164750968,8.841846274778883,2.7050222222222216,505,21,86,9,9,163,80,116,0.031,0.8170000000000001,0.152,0.9358,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,9,5,0,1,3,0,10,2,0,0,0,24,24,10,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,3,1,3,0,2,7,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,5,6,4,12,16,1,11,0,0,1,1,12,2,0,5,7,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659688719718575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124621499079374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127113170101296,0.0,0.4082739715045462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716483931886507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828676239328106,0.0,0.1688685857759002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785435128813367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235412207470865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115174173256274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398765957318353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374940364200627,0.0,0.0,0.1481454652582265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727841905560077,0.0,0.11084883428590764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817739405973032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615898681942935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925935703816928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838561901166612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573115642533044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731542878026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207042544396433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225708345736047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265559424953016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934449158288546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495840018958114,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_E_V_,2019/04/30,"Wanting to talk about it I’ve been getting help lately and I’m now clean of self harm for 5 weeks. I am optimistic about the future... but I feel this constant push to talk about my past cutting or scars or other dark or troublesome issues like my suicide attempts or eating disorder. I don’t entirely understand why though. Most people in my life do not understand and it just makes people feel bad. I had a theory that maybe it’s to do with wanting to normalize it for myself, like it’s no big deal. I woke up this morning with a thought though how I’ve learned I have a very difficult time with self-validation and maybe I’m looking for that external validation to say it’s ok, it’s alright (any mother mother fans lol stay focused). I don’t know how to tell myself it’s ok, it’s in the past (hopefully it stays there). I think part of it is too that I was in this day hospital program for depression/anxiety and I was the only one that had to wear long sleeves all the time. I do realize that just because their arms were clear that doesn’t mean they didn’t self harm but I still feel alone with this. Relatable?

This is a cross post from r/selfharm. I’m going to add that I do not have diagnosed borderline but mostly because the professional that I’ve been working with wants to avoid labels but acknowledges that I do have bpd like symptoms. I didn’t include this in the original post but another thing I find wanting to talk about is diagnoses.",2.938198938992045,5.005121265517238,4.100000000000001,85.53384615384618,76.0,7.909814323607428,27.015915119363395,8.730908602173464,2.1106127320954906,1157,46,231,25,26,377,150,290,0.132,0.7559999999999999,0.111,-0.8831,0,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,2,15,13,1,1,10,4,24,7,2,4,2,51,46,17,1,6,13,2,3,3,0,0,4,1,1,2,28,10,1,1,13,0,0,3,8,6,0,1,11,5,23,7,31,35,4,26,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,7,16,147,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923380864012833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717223609985798,0.11059317160796966,0.08068329868084667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806199384463573,0.12858553196752895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328341879985878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397424126566486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801861315230705,0.10873364152321714,0.0,0.21409710534833487,0.0,0.0,0.1208763153130177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792085300714784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998449427653627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639651913983044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551030644498241,0.0,0.05994031640723349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069347434166821,0.0,0.0,0.10475425804368954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100819646422244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057962862164410885,0.0,0.11897333447510602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449569130793922,0.15458009921335414,0.0,0.0,0.0933365174516203,0.08856718000381328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040120402891029,0.0,0.2119150538976162,0.11488637887686635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333697368184852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146834889385227,0.0802137306275848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421236935202606,0.20136369588168848,0.14623749141277365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020198004935434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838729765646085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33008069825330794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483129107046326,0.0842274733204214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153656850945493,0.0,0.0,0.1096224058332362,0.0,0.254315338357622,0.0921843289241921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006874549832902,0.06758011100754578,0.2072450063521908,0.08373039989654449,0.1229993428253732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959335922312115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702275744060546,0.2488327857018112,0.0,0.08460066277440442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516913472486654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678250004712467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wfthowb,2019/04/30,"Insight from BPD community Background: I've been with my current girlfriend for 10 months and love the hell out of her.  However, I was beginning to suspect she may be qBPD, after my therapist brought up some characteristics.  I have been quietly doing some research on BPD, and have read 2 books on BPD and one on codependency (I have qualities, but not a hard codep).    She has been in therapy in the past, for 1.5 years about a year ago.  She says she's on the wait list to get back in in another month, but not DBT kind (from what I know).  I haven't breached any conversations about potential qBPD with her yet.  We live 30 mins apart, and see each other 2-4 times a week, and talk daily.  I have a 6 year old daughter.

Question: She recently began becoming increasingly cold and distant, after a vacation together (the 3 of us).  I asked her what's up the other weekend.  She lashed out ""I'm feeling neglected.  I'm jealous of your daughter.  I know that I will never be your priority.  You need to make more of an effort for me"". However, she couldn't elaborate what that effort meant by that.  The next time she visited us, she seemed a little more distant with my daughter, but it could have also just been my over vigilance after the recent conversation.  Anyhow, how concerned should I be about this?  If I heard those words in any of my past relationships, I'd likely be done.  But she has been so close and caring towards my daughter for 10 months.  Even talking about us getting married someday a couple of weeks ago.  Is this one of those ""pay attention to the emotions and not the words"" kind of deals, or should I be more concerned about this?  Any advice would be highly recommended.",4.969990489130434,6.345370159375005,5.618586956521742,79.56076086956524,69.28125,8.940217391304348,30.47554347826087,9.318704503766252,2.687604619565217,1321,53,249,27,23,428,176,320,0.071,0.887,0.042,-0.8795,3,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,4,3,0,2,12,8,2,0,17,0,30,1,0,2,1,52,50,17,0,7,10,4,2,1,1,5,0,3,0,0,14,16,0,2,9,3,1,3,6,3,0,2,11,7,39,5,45,26,7,51,1,1,1,1,37,19,1,8,30,178,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963125274390668,0.1807575525098634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153501890541233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208002878055787,0.10691086046944616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531608189922812,0.0,0.0,0.07839868076349361,0.0,0.0,0.11260355531133333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852340193939913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395201119801076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140441095623842,0.11281354052320045,0.0,0.0,0.10511324531347224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433746453700926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468796222419618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734167230439347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155254975266215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653670473827903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133349359421493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077232249294358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21234516344212112,0.11206586047166964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981106632554855,0.10218775275812496,0.09002994624383713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202022151781837,0.0,0.06805712496876658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441434423022789,0.0,0.0,0.07559986333045936,0.07863556516765807,0.0,0.10843248315131324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698677670128406,0.0,0.13817747633926658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465908863100026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421523396845025,0.0,0.10198464459862376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134058042339895,0.10946371917413457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108034125689008,0.0,0.0,0.08124657127261145,0.09281787233276396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389843519315672,0.0,0.0,0.11659677640484142,0.118379997536241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189039557094086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679253454184438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356759684148944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724273655667312,0.0,0.0,0.19697099912106406
bpd,VerlanderFan_23,2019/04/30,"Gabapentin work well? Has anyone been prescribed Gabapentin for their mental health issues? If so, what was your daily dosage and how well did it work for you?",4.768095238095238,7.908449142857144,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,75.42857142857143,3.733333333333334,20.047619047619047,3.1291,-0.6108952380952379,128,3,23,0,3,33,24,28,0.0,0.846,0.154,0.5775,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,3,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,17,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320781122177328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528031718297069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464261993113292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344856615874253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5968511315919321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832666232183965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ahogame,2019/04/30,"Feeling exhausted with myself .
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I've been reliving the trauma of my sexual abuse. I can't sleep because of the nightmares I get. I don't have people I can talk to about it and even if I did I don't feel comfortable going into details. 

I'm going through a rough time with my SO. I feel like I don't contribute anything to their life but pain and problems. Honestly, I'm tired of trying to conceal the way I feel to make someone else happier. I can only keep it up for a couple days before it blows up in my face. I'm not a selfless person and it makes me feel terrible. 

Seeing people around me getting to live their lives without having much stopping them really fucks me up and makes me hate myself. I wish I could be normal. I wish I didn't fuck things up or feel the way I do. I genuinely believe that everyone would be better off without me and I'm just waiting for that one thing to finally send me over the edge. ",2.9125396825396836,4.3748728465608435,4.620296296296296,84.37933333333334,74.5026455026455,7.5796825396825405,26.356613756613754,8.238735603445708,1.7357940740740745,724,26,145,12,15,245,111,189,0.166,0.6940000000000001,0.14,-0.7401,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,3,1,5,12,3,0,8,0,16,8,2,3,0,34,41,9,0,7,7,0,7,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,3,6,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,3,8,30,4,26,34,1,18,0,0,1,2,6,9,2,2,5,102,38,0,0.0,0.1481128119543969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287008071653236,0.11128270165494482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620308544702778,0.0,0.10637171981558677,0.14084004177511775,0.0,0.1105585017499263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980788945421867,0.1383178288401548,0.0,0.08061915070417837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442727851639592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256592125741613,0.0,0.0,0.11944951188714732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792436645402075,0.0893050006044956,0.0,0.13693901960606333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113384917660915,0.1306219592332793,0.0,0.14208867772326786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341849743193675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111193400472942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829611610749227,0.061072088637674875,0.0,0.2207668802395659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25032935902353753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189450258676143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248028397632943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470795452930889,0.0950734297320834,0.13301622415452372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733281790442902,0.10915125988793373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196147827191512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008266261366244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996143662100864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509724329827118,0.0,0.10591799558103604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451141998349417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004758630970991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660981455277116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728925664328789,0.1436771167280549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487152340162511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844942006774008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875036803919969,0.2410045062958197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880136114283389,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bruisedorchid,2019/04/30,"New psychaiatrist told me I didn't have BPD and now I don't know what to do I was first diagnosed with bpd by a psychaiatrist in November last year. I didnt know much at all about it, but after researching and reading I came to agree with the diagnosis - especially after finding some info about 'quiet' bpd. After struggling with symptoms for years, it was a relief to hear something that resonated and meant that I could try something different to recover.
Last week I saw a different psychaiatrist, who said that he disagreed with the diagnosis about 12 minutes after meeting me. This made me feel incredibly invalidated and I clamped up and didnt cooperate nor stand up for myself for the rest of the session.
It wasnt that I want a label or something, but he suggested during the session that I simply was lazy, or needed to get a grip, and 'everyone is trying to find themselves'.
I can't seem to shake it off at all, I'm already always worried that I'm fake and now I just feel like a bad person again. I am a bad person, but specifically for faking an illness or something. Am I a liar? Or have convinced myself of something I'm not?
His only advice was to come off medication and wait for the depression to pass, which, considering I have been for over 6 years (I'm 22) makes me think maybe he isn't the most caring if psychiatrists.

I don't know how to move forward. Do I try to get a grip? Do I ignore him? Has anyone else been invalidated or told something similar?

TLDR - new psychaiatrist told me that I didnt have bpd and suggested I 'change my way of thinking'. Felt invalidated and hopeless. Anyone else had similar experience? What did you do?",5.5810688162412285,6.489701282131662,6.869081952530228,72.8705851619645,67.52664576802508,9.837945962083893,32.118375876996566,9.957137785484203,3.2097065532168987,1315,54,241,30,21,447,158,319,0.172,0.78,0.049,-0.992,2,0,6,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,0,1,8,14,1,2,17,0,30,4,0,3,2,52,60,21,0,4,11,0,5,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,16,16,0,2,13,1,0,6,11,10,0,1,22,9,31,4,40,37,6,32,0,2,1,0,17,9,0,9,18,167,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674145858562947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795588437479726,0.0,0.07386072153958206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413500414391107,0.18190324925676254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823240383655492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471924865441132,0.0,0.0,0.10152506696755448,0.09050321887854217,0.0,0.09390303772979493,0.07646435829216568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070872714606913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764543348603334,0.09009598577856018,0.0,0.1854839042133552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830580524125725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482005993920977,0.0,0.08683053194483442,0.0,0.0,0.08976587639319092,0.0634147045431295,0.08522962497953454,0.0,0.16226168781487288,0.07550461954427883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275351767038822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100046137836346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635100825168693,0.14471286000285544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336675920245175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399287508335501,0.05925223385587025,0.0,0.08917773853672017,0.0,0.0,0.08942276790930129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434459159087573,0.06525348738852113,0.06581913037883932,0.0,0.17146220515091276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751081591794482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550147214478652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879038034942997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443713461702036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080955932224877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100200789345341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279787157769252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226223494141804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375579712473152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544601798176293,0.0,0.18079959277336674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523566983433862,0.07045860397047925,0.07120301881502095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014654629679134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148787445990196
bpd,Bushman135246,2019/04/30,"How did you move on from a partner w/ BPD? Im a (34m).... Its been 3 years since I left my ex-gf who had BPD. I feel like she was my soulmate, I think about her almost everyday. Its funny because in a way she had the mental health issue but Im the one suffering. Like a victom of an abusive relationship. I loved, I gave, I tried. I put 1000% into understanding, helping, and bieng patient with her. Every inch of my hesrt was taken. This would be 5 paragraphs long if I described everything that slowly chipped away our relationship but a few key things were the steady negative comments, never bieng good enough, the emotional affairs (possible physical one) she was having. It had beat me down over 4 years. I hope her the best and wish I knew how she was doing but I will not put myself back into that. It hurts too much. Was it this hard for anyone one else to move forward after a break up with someone who had BPD?. I have dated again but I dont feel nearly the same connection... I feel the woman I should be seeking out is one who had an ex-partner with BPD. It takes a really kind, patient and an amazing soul to be with someone who has had BPD.",1.951865203761756,4.000518982758623,3.679623824451412,87.4641222570533,79.0,6.287147335423198,23.04545454545455,7.348242739294969,0.9591482758620682,892,29,181,12,22,298,142,232,0.096,0.732,0.172,0.9590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,0,2,6,10,0,0,17,0,26,2,0,2,1,31,38,10,0,5,6,0,4,2,1,3,1,0,0,2,15,10,0,0,6,0,0,5,4,2,0,4,17,4,29,8,22,15,5,28,1,2,0,1,22,13,0,3,12,134,44,0,0.0,0.11562397338275596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771872285087672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823470751261895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916856722815503,0.07503794834220498,0.0,0.059487787768986826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241094767512028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6145335220233907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143705803357524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152094820352887,0.10977160968835273,0.0,0.10083287852744977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222078416723655,0.0,0.08770439943384419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802790790264936,0.06971577189433456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185087551511128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741828188296674,0.0,0.0,0.1037298218659195,0.0,0.0,0.06541013337879166,0.0,0.0,0.09692535349893514,0.0,0.0,0.10446830184073604,0.0,0.2108202012051186,0.10185488910966163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162125975789764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602795207643263,0.0,0.0,0.09535161013951983,0.0,0.0,0.0863609281121991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880755716990028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834417846423216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743788287589668,0.07173726148947022,0.0,0.07526467817374881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645083879123195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001404793085758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196202650553298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251637200239822,0.0,0.0,0.2095426306856725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807245112043421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536934705671852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733728577394822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483209421253287,0.06252945007898171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625478669438045,0.0,0.0,0.10159092511467524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745957341894409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221958941446518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932260674581514,0.0,0.0,0.125684935112168
bpd,plut0princess,2019/04/30,"Astrology and bpd Hey... I’m new here... I’ve been diagnosed bipolar since 19 and a couple weeks ago my therapist dropped the bomb that she thinks I have bpd at the end of a session. I say bomb cuz it’s overwhelming but honestly it’s kind of a relief and explains so much. I’m 32 now and my whole life has been chaos that I try to cover up and be normal you know? I can say for sure that my impulsivity and rage has calmed down over the years but life is still a mess. Damn I already wrote a lot, but my question is: do any of you use astrology to help you figure out who you are? I go into a rabbit hole with it (I’m in one now) and I think the reason I like it so much is that it TELLS me who I am. So it’s definitely comforting in a way... just wondering... I’ve only told 2 people in my life about this and ever since it happened I’ve been in a fog and in hermit mode",0.06898594654174772,1.82004494240838,2.7870708184072757,92.98550564893914,83.86910994764399,6.115293469275283,18.953155139156788,7.273561745256523,0.182658638743455,668,17,163,10,19,234,111,191,0.083,0.747,0.17,0.9467,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,0,0,10,11,2,1,12,0,14,5,0,3,2,31,27,16,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,14,12,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,5,2,20,7,19,21,4,23,0,1,0,0,16,11,1,3,10,106,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109394215162953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319827618976393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056902882561386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725199532157485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363545035787042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010338240038926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098502559169692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337733190819889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840482567033013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077702282496095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912632489874118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400277435677692,0.0812754721772635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133733701270873,0.07225069112435703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257292360085581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742964652192068,0.0,0.0,0.1428313188682931,0.0,0.0,0.1448990097407322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021285328528408,0.11247561953315144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025270381824708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566859936740766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520536724091584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23521322166132186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446692495975922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810368585660212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938285270719578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292607814880846,0.0,0.0,0.1717095671350076,0.0,0.18952153937293376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131348674702973,0.0,0.10040636171662973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772789842837984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173867479642493,0.118626971766777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511186357304253,0.0,0.0,0.16037841494653196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952351345980096
bpd,itsthejourney1,2019/04/30,"I need help I have a gut feeling that I’m BPD. I know it’s wrong to self diagnose, but here’s some background:

-I tried therapy through my college counseling center. Basically I was going to a psychiatrist, talk therapist, and group therapy (DBT) every week, and they still couldn’t figure out a diagnosis for me. 
They guessed that I had: clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, or maybe I was bipolar. They put my on Hydroxizine for anxiety and it didn’t do anything, and then Gabapentin, but that didn’t work either. 

My symptoms (trying to be as objective as humanely possible): basically I don’t know who I am at all. Everything is up in the air. I could literally wake up so happy and then if I think someone looked at me funny, I’ll think about it for hours. I have no friends because they all leave in the end-I’m not being dramatic, they actually do, I do not have anyone. When I was in high school, I had one friend and I would hate him one minute and want to kill myself if he ever went to the movies with someone else or something, and then be absolutely obsessed with him all in the same day.

I have felt invalidated at every turn-I’ve tried to explain how I don’t know who I am, how I feel like crying and how I punch walls and scream over nothing, how I am sometimes so tired I can’t move and then I get a burst of energy hours later, but I felt like the counselors didn’t really care. I just stopped going to therapy, and they only sent like one email, and then charged me for a session I didn’t even book a week later and never followed up.

I don’t know where to turn if I can’t go to my college counseling center anymore, that’s done. I’m on my parents insurance and there is NO way I can ask for therapy. I’m so serious my mom CANNOT know I’m doing this. And I can’t afford to pay out of pocket, but I’m not supposed to self diagnose so I truly don’t know what to do. I’m this close to giving up I don’t even know what the point is anymore",2.9413861386138613,4.39992926485149,4.755532178217823,83.45428836633664,74.42079207920794,8.317326732673267,27.228960396039604,8.930421266530582,2.096221782178218,1549,59,323,33,32,528,194,404,0.14,0.743,0.11699999999999999,-0.8174,3,0,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,6,1,18,14,2,1,12,0,41,8,2,4,5,69,77,41,1,8,14,2,4,3,2,1,6,1,0,3,13,21,0,1,15,1,1,8,20,7,0,3,14,6,51,7,42,57,6,50,0,1,1,0,26,24,0,7,20,221,64,7,0.0,0.0,0.0824670064112155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929581917116525,0.0,0.1676172138343403,0.05908952059625772,0.0,0.0695423680730495,0.0,0.07900298676718356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151491064794688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643407887394113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616089962427492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747226148432521,0.0,0.09282738186602618,0.05450026492596699,0.0,0.072786077151381,0.17154641091018993,0.0,0.0,0.09685277165358876,0.0,0.0,0.08648038364453145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059506699003648,0.0,0.07484844999461088,0.0,0.0,0.11163264666226473,0.07644175766421406,0.14240221425707442,0.0,0.07594977842867054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545893462616454,0.06037208466779835,0.16228066258574514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058037460614108,0.0,0.04415161485317915,0.08106717326333543,0.14408246386730586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309439959329227,0.0,0.0,0.08995967072848826,0.0,0.08343353592853853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566435112625828,0.08928668010731015,0.0,0.0,0.16644548079149876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349488820723864,0.0,0.3251012977474076,0.0,0.0,0.08948110686332301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385810249535074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096491019517223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489901546036538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897401473621828,0.0,0.0898179643429451,0.0,0.06266114682107526,0.06517729632380956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108710425659378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717931504931431,0.06427166575881951,0.0,0.0,0.0938354377377564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988678335836613,0.09526936639811777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878459758290692,0.08495325167742103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054137587537190814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552597383354966,0.0,0.0,0.17631924231750562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320564702487448,0.06505790494300251,0.08357995345268192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748769781190525,0.07065194841595153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783551858599753,0.0,0.06792382591017893,0.0,0.0,0.3865661869377593,0.098119574289075,0.0,0.10829782563752782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712879454921168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212487862958498,0.18383951139866486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984463852801703,0.06707801976097838,0.13557343557690713,0.0,0.0,0.07833918207751181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061522374542922184,0.0,0.0,0.06003161365256213,0.09239554696823628,0.0,0.0
bpd,Raptorstzx,2019/04/30,"Fear of losing my best friend to my own mind  During my entire life (M/26) I always related better to women. Even though I’m dating for a long time, I always had more girls than boys as friends. No specific reason about that, really, that’s just how it is.  
 Fortunately, my girlfriend never cared about that and my relationship with her is going really well.  
 But this post is not about her, but about my best friend, that of course is a girl.   
 

I met her about 2 years ago, but it was only during a business trip 1 year ago (she works with me) that we really got very close. We started talking and getting to know each other, everything seemed to click. She is an awesome person, funny, caring, etc. But there is where my problems start. In the past, I had my share of close friends, and I always suffered because of them for the same reason: the feeling that I was never their first choice for anything. As time went by, I drifted and eventually overcame these feelings. The thing is that now I’m starting to become afraid this will be the case again. She is like a younger sister to me, one that I never had. By that you can understand that I always want to protect her, talk to her and all the other things you would do to make your sister happy.  
 

Of course, she has other friends too and sometimes my old feelings start getting around my mind again. She is such a good person that I can annoy her about my feelings and she doesn’t care at all to talk about them. She tries to help me as much as she can, she always says she wants me to be honest with her whenever I’m feeling down because of that or for anything else. That she gets really sad when I’m sad. The other day she said I make her feel like the most important person in the world because of how much I care for her. And, of course, I was radiant.  
 

However, things are not so simple and I feel guilty because of that. In my head, I know I should be thankful to have such a friend, I shouldn’t feel jealous when she is with her other friends. But that’s not the case and I start having terrible thoughts of abandoning her because I don’t want to suffer from the same things anymore. I start thinking that she doesn’t deserve to have a person doubting her feelings. Although she says she wants me to be open when I feel like this, I can’t help but think that I annoy her with this and one day she will get tired of it, from repeating the same stuff over and over again.  
 

To be honest, I don’t really know the purpose of the post, but I was really feeling the need to express this and my fear of losing her to my own mind. She is really like a sister to me and I just want to see her happy and well. I know I would be extremely sad to lose her.  
 

If you read everything, thank you very much for your time, I hope you have a great day.",4.595377619612492,5.049114138790039,5.027870699881376,86.82032720442865,69.5338078291815,7.881455120601029,26.10933175168051,7.695328111545312,1.2238254646105178,2174,59,458,23,36,692,214,562,0.11199999999999999,0.669,0.21899999999999997,0.997,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,2,7,3,8,29,48,3,4,25,0,45,3,1,6,5,93,100,36,0,13,14,3,11,4,8,6,2,3,0,8,36,27,0,2,22,1,0,4,13,18,2,3,12,16,95,30,70,76,16,51,0,9,2,0,77,13,0,6,36,343,131,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049053919396082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358202768503977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621342115878105,0.0,0.0,0.09328909210322184,0.05045909428607598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276443761152258,0.06260093606752845,0.0,0.0,0.1189687527064452,0.050130719159071926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311647510278109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966581327057708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047350628753026834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321553473765308,0.03743799839136598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188444931309973,0.0,0.0,0.12756626230563528,0.3152619514088855,0.08098741994407864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821377293173009,0.0,0.0,0.3065471974759547,0.0,0.1184562498710893,0.0,0.03221374876597298,0.04754226373753682,0.045333860550547764,0.062492225242148126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067831799098297,0.0,0.0,0.05817219658954036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598564566674314,0.0,0.0,0.05629812375128016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460401889341532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400362498528925,0.1107680612705216,0.0,0.0,0.050161882754334336,0.0,0.19023834363818728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756714957592595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169831541289002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250036160545912,0.04202906558304422,0.13115021033085644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947833840441751,0.0,0.07681852796184531,0.043109298063475326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410948672384469,0.0,0.1979705248784099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857158401762523,0.0,0.0,0.05423712319592081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669744795123258,0.0,0.2541840730307497,0.11655729682111995,0.0,0.06085537234403995,0.0,0.0,0.05391766570048784,0.09015177620852806,0.0,0.0,0.04516830218975098,0.051601263172927216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606005512668134,0.0,0.24071933081067826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488745369208936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366767963239713,0.0,0.1043705409116202,0.0,0.0,0.15062829822217486,0.07263921340631854,0.05568988426983248,0.04499926306722386,0.09915538069327397,0.06514774598312713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03848343127761593,0.0,0.0,0.05900807443715806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353735225780588,0.1671628822593269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192804641891297,0.05254488288666925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126525040903674,0.0,0.0,0.08053068784278629,0.0,0.0,0.07300283955832247
bpd,tallyjade,2019/04/30,"Just needing to vent/support Here I am once again laying on my bathroom floor sobbing about something that I am 1000% well aware is a stupid thing to be upset about but I 
can’t 
stop
Being 
Upset 😠 
I feel terrible for my husband, he knows about my BPD, and is always patient... but I know he always feels like everything is his fault, then, I get even more upset but this time at myself for making the greatest person to enter my life feel bad for something he couldn’t control. So now I’m embarrassed to leave the bathroom, because I am ashamed of myself. I am ashamed of how I always have to over react when something is slightly awry. 
Now my head is flooded with the thoughts that it’s not a matter if he will divorce me, but when... which I know is silly, but it’s a terrifying thought because it really wouldn’t be undeserved. 

Idk if this post is allowed but typing it out helped slightly so even if it gets removed at least something helped... thank you and sorry In advanced for the dramatics",5.10323076923077,5.987339323076924,5.388205128205127,83.14846153846155,68.58974358974359,7.435897435897437,31.41025641025641,7.321109707123232,1.9741794871794869,788,32,148,7,13,250,116,195,0.23,0.69,0.08,-0.9846,1,0,4,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,16,15,1,6,7,0,19,2,1,5,0,33,33,17,0,6,11,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,4,0,2,8,0,0,3,4,11,1,0,2,3,20,4,21,25,3,19,0,1,0,0,11,7,1,3,9,107,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639484159815615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173576484884906,0.17775498145295282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836282687695348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352555945791247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259723823073105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310344062149923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211605021011777,0.10415856938721384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234753162980713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963145582516593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545149486368787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403813399068115,0.0,0.0,0.15437969600276874,0.0,0.0,0.10298188314149967,0.07122984534943401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732171671992328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810783568198716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527078108181833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273057387580023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963478371317548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934023348535546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489716294197736,0.0,0.16320962798220132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189418192063745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654505559170423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423178853000206,0.0,0.0,0.09686213033385717,0.0,0.0,0.2314956504502706,0.08501635280464813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109047680193114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cleanestwrasse,2019/04/30,"Anyone want to talk? Honestly, I'm feeling lonely I'm really craving one-on-one conversations with people. If anyone's interested, shoot me a DM?",2.3550000000000004,5.295249592592596,5.835092592592595,65.2504166666667,90.11111111111113,8.625925925925927,25.26851851851852,8.841846274778883,3.4632296296296303,117,5,17,4,4,43,23,27,0.17,0.522,0.308,0.4515,0,2,0,1,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6552095817543591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369011977443957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174858450563811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248174489735797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001502273964909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765840466861292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27634921076604224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Broken_Reverie,2019/04/30,"Anyone see the latest (I think) Dr. Phil episode? It was about a woman who was a pretty terrible human being. She was a compulsive liar, lied about having cancer, lied about miscarrying twins, lied about having a stalker and got involved in a ""shootout"" while on the phone with a friend... she strung a bunch of people along, breaking hearts and ruining lives. 

  She showed no remorse, and no emotion. People kept calling her a ""true psychopath."" Toward the end of the show Dr. Phil says she must have a severe personal disorder. ""One like Borderline personality disorder."" And then he goes on about how horrible people with the disorder are. 

  Ugh, it makes me so fucking sad. Anyway, sorry for the shit post, I just really needed to vent a bit! 😝",4.610199004975122,7.087449149253732,5.144104477611943,78.07098258706469,72.43283582089552,8.048756218905472,26.838308457711438,8.841846274778883,2.390424875621891,582,21,97,12,12,186,93,134,0.316,0.631,0.053,-0.9899,1,0,0,1,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,16,0,9,6,2,2,2,15,16,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,4,3,7,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,7,0,1,5,2,8,3,16,9,2,10,0,2,1,1,16,4,2,0,5,66,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140879455357301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813264618973593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660851594399215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5609996641992865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353735047780714,0.14451472613503988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605997235865335,0.15084233409633802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130497022268584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933499272914041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971360690840436,0.0,0.1440766535283959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089131252806334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120983914467263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056403571563513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393517719474897,0.2849367302920881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626584902785526,0.16599627625995508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452692924318653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975442863860112,0.0,0.0,0.13002044972803106,0.0,0.0,0.1843286881540216,0.16748532948615272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826485522299886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454879569419598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MiloRollins,2019/04/30,"She was supposed to reach out today but didn't My expwdBPD was supposed to reach out today and tell me her DBT Therapy had taken hold and that she was ready for us to give it another try.  It's been a little over 2 months since I last saw her and 3 since she ended things....

I, of course, had convinced myself this would happen since it is my birthday and last year on my birthday she reached out to rekindle....we made it 10 months that time.  I guess I should have just really listened when she said she would never engage with me again...apparently she meant it this time.

I am very sad right now and need to get some sleep.  I need to text her daughter tomorrow and tell her that we can not communicate any longer as it appears her Mom is finally done with me.  This might be for the best as my anxiety has been through the roof from the tension of when, and if,  she is going to reach out.  

I haven't studied enough but I have been trying to get myself acquainted with the DBT enough that I could be supportive if she reached out to rekindle.  Looks like I may need to review the parts about mindfulness and radical acceptance...would do me good.",5.9540291426635035,5.791052427312777,5.879030837004407,84.01374110471029,66.5770925110132,9.451575737038294,29.796340223653,9.057496981413335,2.129591257200949,899,28,188,14,13,282,125,227,0.052000000000000005,0.825,0.124,0.9314,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,6,0,28,1,1,1,1,40,46,16,0,9,6,2,0,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,14,17,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,15,4,36,6,29,23,5,27,0,1,2,0,23,9,0,7,17,136,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521510522742108,0.1313984735694072,0.09586181619592718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150512658682065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004984801823164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823564898893752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098747665513976,0.25895747975950395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727099304746568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093861858613676,0.1202087818880742,0.07121656759331245,0.10510409277729754,0.0,0.0,0.13804310580016968,0.0,0.11081122977414684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428876937863297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612201422128867,0.12559355215126125,0.0,0.0,0.10522884995197436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857136322931675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293412016126627,0.12652739025700327,0.14676157155949654,0.2000425121117181,0.0,0.0,0.27874735831493275,0.0966468063761478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569853163086334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027680243722041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701406557076476,0.11919851712162065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109732105476416,0.0,0.12540050939793468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220031663346827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190529475110217,0.0,0.14330291960458116,0.0,0.08325040388605899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613855143412474,0.0,0.23755847853294945,0.0,0.0,0.17015454517357229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073251542826738,0.0,0.0,0.10339388343097593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670499116273147,0.0,0.0,0.0806955392816727
bpd,ChuckEzra,2019/04/30,"DAE make friends only to ghost them later down the line? A couple months ago, I along with two of my closest friends became close friends with one of their GF's group of pals. We all became really tight, really fast, spending nearly every weekend and free moment we could together, making a group chat together, and I along with my two aforementioned friends even went to prom with the girls in our little group. 

Everything seemed to be going great until a few weeks ago I had a very bad mental breakdown where I convinced myself that everyone in the group and kind of in general (with the exception of one long time friend) secretly hated me, in the midst of this breakdown I deleted every form of social media and in doing so removed myself from our group chat and made it so none of them can really contact me. 

As of today I'm still off of all social media (idk if Reddit counts) and I've kinda split on everyone in the group to the point where I have very little desire to hang out with any of them except for my one best friend. I've decided to stay in whenever possible because I feel that everytime I ""put myself out there"" I just end up getting hurt and damaging/confusing the people close to me. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any suggestions on how I can maintain a somewhat healthy social network?",10.88845238095238,7.641140464285718,10.205460317460318,66.77842857142858,59.03968253968254,13.413333333333336,39.88253968253968,11.407655852321104,4.454670158730158,1055,37,185,21,10,341,147,252,0.052000000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.134,0.9676,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,0,4,1,9,14,1,0,14,0,9,0,0,4,2,41,19,13,1,3,4,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,21,0,1,4,3,2,5,1,3,0,5,4,2,27,12,48,13,7,44,0,1,0,0,31,24,0,4,14,131,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663531672589206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317772613759566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360893150567982,0.10786404614510513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878980827058074,0.06417309687305353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047692160848767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840514701086872,0.11648194265834548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794160789041118,0.0,0.0932401274094707,0.0,0.0,0.06953144786963132,0.0,0.1773931270677797,0.20118463846457926,0.09461207303451423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053228904228443764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879993146015569,0.0,0.05500050027142455,0.0,0.0598287485776273,0.0,0.0,0.11606322689205985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393473105668452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269631474989933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962503719469496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102126397157447,0.0,0.09316278876116213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961131965337053,0.1405403303776894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060898501721763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402745011746973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400597128208185,0.08006442758136907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298264866434645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995164744120038,0.11867884855090012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582786965958392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023206449821935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583606748439212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833062325755805,0.0,0.32193595859877955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220640457125453,0.0840706994334147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138520113170925,0.0,0.09978595546611367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567173693346072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737215612968477,0.0,0.0,0.08444319426414733,0.0,0.0,0.0975885982754064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,reversevampires,2019/04/30,"DOE struggle with flashbacks or body memories? I'm currently struggling with something that feels new to me: flashbacks and old dreams that last a micro-second but prompt anxiety. 

I see a talk therapist, I'm on a cocktail of meds, I practice reality testing. I'm just wondering if anyone else has struggled with this; sometimes hearing that its common is helpful.",6.680156250000002,8.990127953125,6.548875000000002,70.90862500000003,66.34375,8.870000000000003,40.925,9.3871,4.5810975,295,18,42,6,5,93,51,64,0.138,0.775,0.08800000000000001,-0.2846,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,9,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,6,9,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,5,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019905427965252,0.0,0.0,0.13728502852279778,0.2011728515645212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808874024422792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718178756338505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640163211259793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927506738330127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128870065586934,0.0,0.13160211795334126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004276352281527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808874024422792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896257537272534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602510481246786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645703028169192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511516127666674,0.1941846232276293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.615769510022931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781012070094594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279651014087521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129216341120646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lonelyprotest,2019/04/30,"I quit my job today I can’t believe I fucking did this. I was doing so good too.

I called in yesterday with a bogus medical emergency and promised to bring documentation. I straight up just didn’t show up today. I’ve already talked my way out of one no call-no show in the two months I’ve worked there. I can’t come back from this one so I’ve effectively quit. 

Here’s to applying for every job I can tomorrow, I guess. Fuck.",-0.04593632958801308,2.275857505617981,2.4171067415730327,90.94303838951313,91.92134831460676,6.112734082397004,20.8998127340824,7.492282038375204,0.916864419475655,334,12,74,7,12,114,60,89,0.099,0.765,0.135,0.4624,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,7,4,2,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,7,12,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,2,0,3,3,0,11,2,11,9,0,15,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,1,6,45,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403790334483986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352059885068547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981054321046427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35909366441039503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514659773460001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814827223744031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251125921863437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748175794603471,0.0,0.0,0.193701685422254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34897750719053017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713490626069356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403495362102097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383002124001625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740435780941974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132922728551994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333413676217221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176489855282484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956935690280728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800971586052154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NurseMRSA,2019/04/30,"Newly diagnosed and confused So I just got diagnosed with BPD at the age of 36. My doctor and I went through the DSM V and I agreed that I fit 6 of the 9 traits. The diagnosis was completely her idea and I was completely shocked. She told me not to tell anyone about my diagnosis (she said it was ok to tell my boyfriend of 5 years only) because of the stigma.
It's very frustrating not being able to tell my one long-time friend. Has anyone else received advice from a health professional that they NOT share their diagnosis?
Also I'm not sure if I really have BPD because I have somewhat stable relationships. Especially romantic ones. The only people I have really ever ""split"" with (as an adult) have been people I work with, mostly bosses and supervisors at work. I also very rarely express anger. I avoid conflict at all costs. 
On the other hand I have an eating disorder, I've been suicidal since I've been 12, I frequently dissociate, I have drug use in my past, and I have no idea who I am, but the one thing I am sure about me is that I hate myself. I also definitely have FPs and I don't really understand people who don't. Like, the idea that someone has several friends that they all like somewhat equally has always been mind blowing to me.

Thanks I appreciate you so much if you took the time to read this.",4.042558139534884,5.6529136046511645,5.448751937984492,78.9740581395349,71.86821705426357,8.880930232558141,26.853488372093025,9.3871,2.356763720930233,1042,36,200,24,20,350,143,258,0.102,0.7659999999999999,0.133,0.8401,0,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,3,2,9,15,3,2,13,1,24,7,1,2,5,36,34,16,1,2,8,0,1,2,2,0,5,1,0,1,12,10,1,2,4,1,1,3,7,6,0,3,12,2,38,9,22,21,7,15,0,0,0,0,22,6,0,6,8,141,50,6,0.10081591855319337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851614881058694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24186736092960184,0.0838869204311062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098566867851134,0.10329782243180656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291289642100313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25394824037841923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140714499981086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465207034615485,0.0,0.0,0.11554377694353113,0.10318936457543933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691445858591022,0.10315985340157537,0.08421876353507711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119377015162722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557802571789967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063169977641918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953484758719283,0.0,0.10716260705715616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34142670207231945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850713079268944,0.0,0.0,0.08921891542763294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179533835091832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411130016485941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494642664437052,0.153350097997966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624020181798676,0.20967919205044686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008432007725338,0.0,0.19375577689292545,0.0,0.0,0.1082385672218587,0.0,0.0,0.09589902515713587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138932918547854,0.0,0.0833959696301579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542100063009936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027625181148053,0.0,0.1900356202579936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643526693709252,0.09281775275794986,0.0,0.0,0.06697761657944983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878657284850785,0.0,0.0,0.09633393054885137,0.1120101950113141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495292667820312,0.0,0.08707258436257438,0.0,0.16636738220701658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345736653027732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679037883703935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492214616852912
bpd,echoday,2019/04/30,"How to handle partner's feelings that I'm going to leave him? Hi everyone, 

I've been dating a guy who I strongly suspect has bpd for about 6 months now. I'm not looking for a diagnosis for him, but would really appreciate some advice on how to deal with the type of behavior that I'm seeing from him (described below): 

During our first month of dating, everything was great - we fell in love very fast, and he's probably the kindest, most open, empathetic partner I've ever had. Since then, he keeps going through periods where he becomes convinced that I'm going to leave him, and either 1) tries to convince me to break up with him by listing all the bad things about himself, or 2) deliberately tries to say mean things to piss me off and convince me to leave him. These mean things are very mean and cross the line into what I'd consider verbally abusive.

After going through one of these stages, he seems shocked at what he's told me, sincerely apologizes, calls himself a terrible person again, and tells me that there's something wrong with him that he's not able to control, and begs me not to leave him. 

It is very exhausting, and worries me a lot because I honestly care for this guy. When he's not freaking out, he is still one of the best people I've ever met. However I'm getting concerned that, looking at it in another light, I'm failing to leave a guy who's essentially verbally abused me. I always thought I had pretty decent self confidence and would never be that person who stays in a relationship with someone who yells at them- but I really deeply feel like he doesn't really mean this weird shit. 

We had one very bad incident in March where we briefly broke up. He promised this behavior won't happen again, and since then he's been doing well. When he starts getting upset for some reason, he gets very quiet and leaves the room, and I let him go until he recovers (instead of chasing him and asking what's wrong, which was my previous strategy). But I'm still freaked out by the stuff he said to me earlier, and I'm afraid of committing further to our relationship in case this kind of thing happens again. 

​

So for my question... 

If you've ever freaked out and tried to push someone away during a bpd episode - how do your loved ones deal with it? What kind of things are helpful responses that help diminish the frequency / intensity of feeling like people will leave you? If you've said really bad things to loved ones, how did you and they move past it? 

​

If it helps, my partner did have a very bad childhood trauma, when he was around 7 and living away from his parents. He mostly avoids talking about this, but I don't know how this might be playing into his fear of people leaving him. 

​

I hope it's still ok to ask this even though he doesn't have a formal diagnosis. He grew up in a different culture (South Asian) and doesn't seem to believe in the concept of therapy. One of our friends is pushing him to see someone (after a pretty public freakout at work), and he seems to be taking the insistence of our friend as an insult, so I haven't tried bringing it up with him yet.",8.372123501675851,6.924991011532126,8.04723853888542,74.64831960461288,62.27841845140033,11.140123842526839,37.24075441686076,10.004066432519934,3.5469589160938466,2492,99,470,42,29,796,282,607,0.15,0.6779999999999999,0.171,0.965,3,1,1,0,1,0,81.0,7,3,2,6,34,46,3,4,22,1,34,6,2,7,6,85,83,41,0,6,13,1,3,2,5,5,1,5,1,9,40,34,0,3,15,1,0,12,11,23,1,7,15,13,50,23,84,59,8,78,0,2,4,3,91,32,2,15,33,306,90,3,0.050694951968547015,0.12013045676567255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953852034233873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04218226112576097,0.16478387783338042,0.1847997464423689,0.0,0.05315807731331075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512925520596642,0.09478587355021922,0.0,0.09525915230044373,0.0,0.16931266945671355,0.030903172186493837,0.05598859154916433,0.0,0.057115850837234174,0.05320122446100091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769703468692156,0.0,0.05176521399530893,0.0,0.05168688217337128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685869931198665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452853894340193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052965434936622036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033483537659746335,0.13756945918897312,0.0,0.04844119909038583,0.045561353999956984,0.0,0.0,0.05704591500021122,0.07689867278451556,0.07243296763132069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312110024691787,0.0,0.0,0.07833358827326768,0.0,0.07945806013975487,0.0,0.14405554734675916,0.0,0.0,0.05589136351422527,0.0,0.1505879180935686,0.08965875720627238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193927310237684,0.0,0.0,0.050351525930771565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506000260198678,0.0,0.10558198265170468,0.02786061981438363,0.0,0.0,0.4294290748918202,0.0,0.051839023075919116,0.0,0.04953398566179693,0.0,0.04476457136280214,0.0,0.08514198360733766,0.0,0.0,0.04309903529502066,0.13726252024405333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088665771269647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377933278179872,0.0,0.0,0.08092845400648124,0.05388071109157635,0.0,0.0,0.03909907220279908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611326869733926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629074481798561,0.0,0.048394067907359936,0.10543648981576877,0.08852975332696633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314998263245556,0.054657732481178736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678994828956509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990593739794193,0.0521228538559938,0.0,0.10885481271613462,0.0,0.0,0.09644501669855572,0.04031466055177014,0.0,0.0,0.08079462644274918,0.13845234090877484,0.05288589106139864,0.0,0.0520376396896785,0.0838707762711218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288610048748381,0.039027450756653564,0.0,0.0,0.03588214792882339,0.054034073620481536,0.12145516238226213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803359134299185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811629481573095,0.04074668210166736,0.044309622490967066,0.0,0.057974095684906565,0.0,0.2020768408912393,0.0,0.04980753291676752,0.0402461291819412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844119909038583,0.0,0.1376741787303974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509718674735159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045580850038702055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03690652880706613,0.05148318451558778,0.0,0.0720244787384539,0.1108539435014426,0.1847997464423689,0.0
bpd,ultimateratgod,2018/11/19,"I feel alone Honestly I've been feeling alone for maybe 2 years now, ever since leaving a short, pointless, and toxic relationship in early 2017. And I've found it hard to let go of the attachment I had for that toxic person, and I'm just now, within the past half a year I'd say, moving on. And I've found someone new. It's been hard for me to attach myself to anyone else. But this new person I'm attached to is far better than the previous one. However they do not carry the same feelings for me. At least I don't think so. I've been told by the person about a month ago that they do not feel the same way. Sometimes I get hints that they do though, but I think my mind is just lying to me. I think my mind is so desperate for this person to have feelings for me that it makes me think that they do. But I know that they don't. Because they literally told me. But that isn't the only reason why I feel alone. I lack friendships anyway. I have one friend, to which everyone says ""quality not quantity"". Well, imagine it's like balancing on tightrope. You mess up once, you fall off and hurt yourself. I mess up once? I lose my only friendship. And then I have nobody. And then I'm truly alone. I watch my words all the time. It's not even necessary for me to do, I'm just so paranoid. I don't want to be alone. But I feel lonely almost everyday.",1.5498296703296717,3.417249092857148,3.191428571428574,91.3628021978022,79.5,6.164835164835164,20.76923076923077,7.1686216300943375,0.4466153846153849,1046,28,229,13,26,346,136,280,0.17,0.743,0.087,-0.9693,1,7,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,6,2,14,10,0,0,11,0,21,0,0,2,2,46,45,18,0,2,12,0,9,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,15,7,0,0,16,0,0,3,8,5,1,3,8,12,36,5,28,35,5,29,0,3,1,0,18,10,0,1,16,150,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204227912597653,0.0,0.09267804109985056,0.4792828097670877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471491688385328,0.09483105702326312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641919459187737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185523706059858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731580568889572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113010714399461,0.08371910863004306,0.0,0.08843795780094088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275815624205286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202958256797692,0.07150589481880171,0.0,0.04835490382523679,0.0,0.05259976489629317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581786754604982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907945262856516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086447828954623,0.0,0.0,0.09799982018642207,0.0,0.09464128513160676,0.0,0.04521651627054631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354266457596747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177956678069465,0.0,0.09298150794925356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690344691885627,0.0,0.07387458748663654,0.0983687469195462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877571973493658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713095724648405,0.1254320489002033,0.14078081749853372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835191150865619,0.0,0.32325337670726073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515946831084672,0.0,0.09936683560883916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472030550682351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765604517629473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841950189303208,0.0,0.09153686958816168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372158282590132,0.09093244133042733,0.0,0.053968154514383235,0.0,0.0,0.17687591560188173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458991047645465,0.07346393116345754,0.0,0.0,0.08321588581513455,0.0,0.08351430909876764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920165595832947
bpd,dragons-dancing,2018/11/19,"BPD and emotional labour? I've been reading a lot about emotional labour in hetero relationships lately. It's not specific to het relationships, but the imbalance is more likely to be more apparent due to the way men and women and typically socialised. Whilst I was in my DBT group yesterday, it suddenly hit me that there might be a connection/conflict.

From Wikipedia - ""Emotional labor is the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job. ... This includes analysis and decision making in terms of the expression of emotion, whether actually felt or not, as well as its opposite: the suppression of emotions that are felt but not expressed."" It can also include things like the general organisation of a household - keeping track of what to get at the shops, what event we have coming up, what tasks need to be done in the house etc. 

In my current relationship, this feels like a big issue. I find it really hard to tell when I should stand up for myself and demand he do more of the emotional labour to give me a break, or if I need to back down because I'm being demanding and irrational and he's trying his best. I feel like my inability to manage my own emotions, as well as often perceiving actions as proof of his feelings (eg. I ask him to do the dishes. He says he will but later forgets. I think he hates me for nagging or doesn't care enough about me to help out) exacerbates this confusion and conflict too.

Has anyone seen or read anything to do with this before? Emotional labour is a bit of a hot topic in feminist theory lately, as well as borderline becoming a little more recognised/destigmatised, so I thought maybe there might be a little more knowledge out there, maybe info or suggestions on how to deal/manage/cope? 

What do you think? ",8.255078885532058,8.17023648338369,8.301304128902322,68.29897868412222,61.80966767371602,12.189392413561599,38.02635112453844,11.645159339076185,4.6843352131587785,1440,65,243,40,18,469,190,331,0.107,0.799,0.095,-0.6491,3,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,1,1,0,2,15,12,2,1,21,0,24,1,0,2,1,58,46,30,0,4,13,0,8,4,0,4,0,1,0,2,16,14,1,4,14,3,1,2,4,3,3,0,7,10,22,9,50,29,12,33,0,0,1,0,25,16,0,11,16,178,38,11,0.0,0.0,0.07089320418464247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809595308958373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050796623172117784,0.0,0.05978246954549048,0.0,0.06791534112630097,0.0,0.0,0.05586122553310447,0.0,0.044285069120950066,0.08023314343836276,0.06181743084172357,0.0,0.07623877213499453,0.0,0.07931194536515143,0.0,0.09149662651982077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406867928899973,0.0,0.0,0.06257914471508813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489609067129346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434332543983534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7354650684439971,0.0,0.07506399485879765,0.08102085024204288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469304626299796,0.10379837250463538,0.1395054416131404,0.0,0.06639824011000532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037955172414776,0.06968983011426275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507763695391851,0.07172408646598043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869389813484548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838251344736713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582482007978851,0.07209115310067228,0.06457218429800217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389844985392193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196704245317193,0.14562319283823524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061762065899513864,0.0,0.0,0.04849258138008406,0.0,0.14596778760452853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413443352339176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773398160906693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533375249064226,0.0,0.04653966736951975,0.0,0.0,0.23398777039087976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777198270613323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349686960593898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826358284842409,0.09309880641708264,0.0,0.057673775427232774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932269157072427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057663979307120715,0.0,0.0,0.1959557176564984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tyvvm,2018/11/19,"I can't handle dating For me it is a mix of :
I get too emotionally attached
The thought that I will invest in sth that won't last scares me so much
I badly want to have sex with them as validation
Getting too anxious and thinking about the whole damn week if things will work out
I Find them amazing and then some time pasts and I lose interest and it feels like I forget all the memories 
",2.5355357142857144,4.394731625000002,3.617142857142857,89.48500000000001,76.5,6.571428571428572,23.92857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.9268571428571428,310,10,66,4,7,100,62,80,0.14800000000000002,0.701,0.151,0.0571,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,2,4,7,1,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,15,12,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,11,3,8,8,4,8,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,2,7,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904281884663245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465177378241065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28918135722117355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998780357213208,0.18365861258081326,0.0,0.0,0.2349672420127145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686282698951572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955520712589515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559671900436872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876077155059931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889840068825772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245412763266768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573827817327748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707930953103307,0.1647270299804319,0.0,0.20409348088362256,0.14990591263534886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163294769462524,0.0,0.20621475320819868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870215912229536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715792262938086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imanothermistakelol,2018/11/19,"I'd rather be beaten than ignored This is a sort of way for me to get these emotions out so yeahh

One of my old ex's was abusive and I loved it. The relationship was apparently toxic but I loved every second of it. The one thing I hated was when he ignored me. 

He quickly found out that when I acted out that all I wanted was to be put in my place (either hit or treated as a child) and so he would act as such. Eventually, when I'd really act out, he would just ignore me. 

This tore me apart. He just stopped and ignored me. It made me stop quickly, but at the same time I felt even more worthless. It's like him being physical proved he cared, and him stopping was just bringing up my fears of being abandoned. 

My therapist says it's good for me to talk about these feelings, and I'm happy I have somewhere to belong.",1.94072549019608,3.6898759352941184,3.5452941176470603,89.83049019607846,77.88235294117645,5.945098039215687,23.098039215686285,6.742157984588678,0.5935215686274509,639,20,137,6,15,212,99,170,0.201,0.679,0.12,-0.92,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,14,16,2,1,5,0,13,2,0,1,2,36,26,15,0,4,8,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,12,9,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,9,0,3,8,3,20,7,21,11,4,25,0,2,0,2,15,9,0,2,11,99,32,1,0.0,0.19948973318815044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716634167837376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939246323833014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120613662474467,0.0,0.14185814425997514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946193445454246,0.08513242536114549,0.0,0.16166064385862833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460791816869435,0.0,0.0,0.08796585336582287,0.0,0.0,0.1412199290511605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923193139038948,0.0,0.16622953003390464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822565887907387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039191922675835,0.1593148188646021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766749428660659,0.0,0.22818238375176786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590976956512067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692573489068604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078614927837236,0.0,0.0,0.18076529574299427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133893786697756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222920693864336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353286245572114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548938612849506,0.11185688225462836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817731793230508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930839853555833,0.13364347532894644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392090138236368,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ineedcalcium,2018/11/19,"Does anyone else do this/feel this way? I feel sad and empty (or should i say more sad/empty than usual) around the same time every day.  It starts around 3-4p and lasts until I go to sleep. 

​

Anyone else have a daily period of time that they feel this way? I hate it :( 

​

​",1.3847941888619886,3.9092692711864414,2.09714285714286,95.03932203389832,85.10169491525423,4.049394673123486,13.513317191283292,5.288315135182226,-1.0832004842615015,233,3,47,1,7,72,41,59,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.897,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,8,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,6,7,2,13,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,8,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106938507929761,0.4605797635659702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766908477545581,0.25891681030779257,0.0,0.2249529243716196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148397478475215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056794186443596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109499802828552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645359661625944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165595847110334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180645126916142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474244202370033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299044210466324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047696050799093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643919626444314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942972881432268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734901058452193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915441583527613,0.0,0.0,0.2005782422613679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605797635659702,0.0
bpd,littlesoulflame,2018/11/19,"Adjectives of my brain   

Drained

Lifeless

Affected

Cycles

Spirals

Blank

Isolated

Rejected

Misunderstood

Hopeless

Abandoned

Overwhelmed

Disapproval

Tired

Numb

Afraid

Confused

Helpless

​

​

Empty.

​

​

Sitting in class dissociating is real fun. Also edging a panic attack to. 

BPD makes me laugh, cause how the fuck am I suppose to be ""treated"". 

Lol, I am fucked for life.",8.996214285714283,13.380519716666667,7.026190476190474,59.95500000000004,68.5,8.095238095238095,45.23809523809523,8.841846274778883,5.8273095238095225,333,22,32,7,7,98,54,60,0.483,0.39899999999999997,0.11800000000000001,-0.9847,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,2,15,3,4,2,1,4,6,1,4,0,7,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,3,5,6,0,2,0,5,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929254778512648,0.0,0.4839238810972754,0.5427048549895691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270266471048934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406288469542949,0.12464681653172473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147031196457765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064513164456836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886706976226603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453231954777312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100614355742507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709080145385304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833399347302926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427048549895691,0.0
bpd,becomingheroic,2018/11/19,"Sometimes I'm very confused as to why I'm not constantly in a relationship, but other times it makes perfect sense. I'm not trying to be cocky or self-indulged. But I'm generally somewhat attractive I think (except for those times that I think I'm fucking hideous), but I'm probably more attractive than a lot of my friends who are in relationships or often get involved with girls. I do a lot of ""gentleman""ly things because that's just how I was raised by my father and can be very social and funny to people who have no idea about my BPD or depression. I have pretty interesting hobbies (music production, singing, learning languages), I have 2 cats, live alone in a studio apt (as a college student), etc. I think I'm a really freaking good singer (except when I think I sound like ass).

​

I mean I also do some serious red flag shit like a fuck ton of self harm, chainsmoking til I collapse out of dizziness, drinking 7+ shots of vodka in an hour, walking around in the middle of the road at 4am, standing on apartment ledges, etc. which is why I would assume I'm not in a relationship or can ever sustain a proper relationship... but people don't know that though. They don't know I do those things. So to them I'm just a kind, funny gentleman with 2 cats and interesting hobbies.

​

Again I'm not trying to seem self-indulged but why aren't people flocking toward me? Is it because they fucking hate me? LOL

​

Or am I actually self-indulged and delusional in that I'm probably an ugly as fuck person who is actually an asshole? Does anyone ever feel this way",4.939585430855786,6.2878328208469085,5.9187222386733795,77.48286274800121,69.3257328990228,8.317974533609714,31.869854900799524,8.710501217029153,2.687548534201954,1264,55,227,21,22,418,165,307,0.155,0.679,0.16699999999999998,0.7302,0,1,2,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,3,1,13,21,6,1,15,1,20,7,2,2,3,51,47,23,0,1,18,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,3,16,8,1,0,12,3,0,1,8,11,0,0,1,3,23,10,35,43,8,27,0,1,1,5,17,15,6,13,11,147,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.15391084743303404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167458209932922,0.0,0.06306385411187716,0.0,0.25633246387098324,0.2874685008699897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514034390937279,0.0,0.0,0.07020160789822373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614394772288268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932068586046554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521902368276121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792150766231582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901041471288383,0.0,0.0,0.07725221493070847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589821004590914,0.0,0.14266573037347144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03987369501279856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092659655165111,0.29161707274533083,0.041200795041018735,0.0,0.0,0.06614354468144873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785735640180483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766064913365871,0.0,0.0,0.0890226926305081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211995648281943,0.08667815584744075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770534639491673,0.0,0.06963431752199674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340869271058892,0.0,0.0,0.05263927890031049,0.0,0.0,0.08590103284402191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640135890218078,0.06885700863022992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022838624771808,0.17004759714015527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505193673108516,0.0,0.0,0.3386620428480885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179065925720553,0.3290703177525197,0.0,0.08094806707470067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038725333469689,0.0,0.0,0.0779939882876986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478139649335504,0.20211974272367905,0.07747898520023687,0.0,0.09196713040420344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708074694376467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013456979255605,0.0,0.06259494138820783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347509724803568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601947331497751,0.0,0.2874685008699897,0.0
bpd,iknwwhtudid,2018/11/19,"Dealing With Visitors I have some people staying at the moment and I am not coping so well. I really am just so tired and want to stay in bed, instead I have to figure out things to show them in a pretty boring town. I have been taking time out to be alone, but I don't want to come off as rude. Next time people ask if they can visit, I will pretend I won't be here.",3.231625000000001,3.1499639125000023,4.9575,88.01750000000001,72.375,7.4,22.25,6.742157984588678,0.4377,283,5,65,2,5,97,57,80,0.142,0.767,0.091,-0.6152,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,12,1,0,0,0,14,17,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,0,10,1,13,12,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,4,50,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396154906497157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162870335910489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992930809243889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385183231095784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24605019067510425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32078683964684823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235372666019919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821285489751326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931903482441353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395124459782446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370293355883527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698115926525271,0.2659101852849145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27292003628705946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801721763330236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yoolu21,2018/11/19,"I wanted to be lusted after There was a post about very intense relationships and my experiences have been the same. I get bored of stable regular romances. I like last minute plans, jealousy, chasing, and passion.

When I was recounting why I fell so hard in my last relationship: he chased after me super hard, deleted his dating apps after one day, planned road trips in two weeks etc...

He constantly couldn’t keep his hands off me. I felt amazing with him but became codependent",6.6089655172413755,8.111139724137931,6.340862068965517,75.4278448275862,65.55172413793103,9.018390804597699,31.74137931034483,9.2995712137729,2.9369862068965524,384,15,64,7,6,120,71,87,0.07,0.78,0.151,0.7253,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,9,10,5,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,4,4,13,5,10,4,2,17,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,11,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341313410379321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972709040255332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416319855853468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193401364921371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802655585717186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319535213983037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881677022001387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257641778502027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532119009307356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584861258910372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468137026618252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074993712637149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652212312701505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164429934730344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876631310837784,0.1277910542847376,0.0,0.17379073032738232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955009911986595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,charlibomb,2018/11/19,"My FP is in a relationship. Nine months ago, I moved away from the state where I'd lived for a year and left behind my favorite person, who I had an undefined but intense romantic friendship with. We've been drifting apart, but I still hold on to him because lol BPD + letting go does not add up.

Anyway, last night I was stoned as fuck, in a good mood, and logged onto Facebook to see that he'd changed his relationship status and is in a relationship and i'd had NO idea he was even considering being in a relationship with someone despite the fact that we are, at the core, friends. I assumed that because we're still someone romantic with each other (flirting, messaging very often, the occasional sext lmao), we would at least tell each other if we were close to being in relationships with other people. 

So my mentally-ill ass is feeling hella fucking abandoned and ugly and shitty and insignificant and I hate that I feel this way. Need some good ideas to keep myself busy tonight instead of going off and sending him a thousand messages about how mad I am and how much I love him lmao",9.787331206804893,7.40103738755981,9.275279106858054,69.92473152578417,60.29186602870814,11.776927166400853,40.44710260499736,9.994966539143718,3.957707708665604,870,36,159,13,9,280,138,209,0.16399999999999998,0.665,0.172,-0.2494,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,0,11,11,4,0,11,1,16,4,1,2,1,40,27,17,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,21,0,3,5,0,0,5,2,5,0,2,6,3,21,5,26,16,5,31,0,1,1,4,22,16,3,4,8,114,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564619487605838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197386786544268,0.0,0.0,0.14530247794436296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010348657884914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607701415123865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429553288837527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871750128019027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052233816853106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207844759181223,0.2203606377954732,0.0,0.0,0.13546588592781247,0.1999256566817834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766592780220465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690802310255785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593297663321467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714789712632056,0.0,0.0,0.12948980577240096,0.12186998897216858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523843804577374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756492461889272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512862330430456,0.12666985751113302,0.08761127490436746,0.08837072402357596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184269083303468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262465281089837,0.10406369006863173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6397755029957993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497131359099924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196225817553035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903551728905312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416888444110334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833627547510014,0.0,0.09459981939481003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466230562183426,0.0,0.0,0.07674824193746245
bpd,FetaDelirium,2018/11/19,"I fucked up the other night (potentially triggering) My SO and I got into a fight, because lately I can't drink without blacking out and I tend to give him shit over absolutely nothing when I'm drunk. So we got into a fight which resulted in me slashing my arm up in the bath. I haven't self harmed in years, this is insane.

He gave me an ultimatum the next day which was basically him or alcohol/not ever getting fucked up, I am crazy about him but something is coming in between us. Getting fucked up is comfortable to me and always has been. The idea of letting go of it is difficult to comprehend. I know it's bad for me but I feel like my life would be weird or empty without it. 

I also cause issues for us by getting defensive so quickly over the idea that he's trying to control me. And by splitting a lot. He calls it yoyo-ing. 

I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know what to do. I'm not even 100% sure why I'm posting this I just feel so fucking lost and I'm struggling to see a point to any of this anymore when it's so viciously hard to maintain happiness. ",1.809557522123896,3.539234247787612,3.8541681415929183,87.55665044247787,78.20353982300884,6.820884955752213,25.90176991150443,7.734863291789972,1.4023688495575215,844,33,181,13,20,288,127,226,0.21,0.7070000000000001,0.084,-0.9807,0,0,3,0,2,0,21.0,3,0,0,2,13,19,9,1,10,0,16,9,2,4,2,35,42,18,0,2,9,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,14,10,2,2,7,3,0,2,7,15,0,0,6,5,26,4,33,33,1,26,0,1,2,4,15,14,5,4,10,123,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702145189223646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950495000799252,0.09889812936614284,0.0,0.0,0.08082649573889951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787371027050053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924021283102193,0.07245381919220006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213657754170895,0.0,0.0,0.12209836599325855,0.0,0.10238435044565757,0.0,0.0,0.13330767128349455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766526097241788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643412082307016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850359726419169,0.10751250888091514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201948352405605,0.08491110732327725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395236759561541,0.1862928468309432,0.1140179850875574,0.06754888797893141,0.0,0.1901208015390044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652495433982688,0.10647207817237556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683490423940019,0.0,0.1240553060747766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959612720434124,0.0,0.13407530898467265,0.0,0.0,0.1215388239879288,0.08395186092921217,0.0580672822089345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974591005112382,0.10104754592114143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640523610981946,0.1115387736565466,0.0,0.11404601729345075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123578102823362,0.0,0.11383167199479145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471324206876602,0.0,0.12399325110241075,0.0,0.12200448919974087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150154047586427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425462027574545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202084460762468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069576153031961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285939470084843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107249504271987,0.0,0.0,0.2291468491233361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443224741518783,0.0,0.0,0.07653968911370324
bpd,Keaid,2018/11/19,"Feeling numb for a long period of time. So, 80 days ago, one of my 2 closest friends killed himself, he was suffering from bipolar disorder, he didn’t get the proper treatment, the illness took over, and now he’s dead. Since then, I feel numb, nothing, I don’t react to things as much, I don’t really empathize with others, and I am mad and upset all the time, I lose my shit completely, I have even punched someone in the throat and nearly knocked them out consciousness without realizing it, I had zero control over myself, I was so violent I wanted to do things to that person I have beaten that I’ve never wanted to do before in my life. This is odd for me because I mostly feel depressed and super suicidal, won’t that make me even more depressed? I’m really confused to why I’m feeling nothing at all. It’s really upsetting, not sad, not happy, nothing, complete emptiness. Have any if you went through something similar? I really want to know why I’m like this. ",8.130029550827423,6.646221494680855,8.499219858156033,71.33277777777779,62.776595744680854,11.334278959810874,38.97399527186761,10.25414643259724,4.0212924349881805,763,34,137,14,9,254,119,188,0.281,0.619,0.099,-0.9917,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,4,5,19,5,3,5,0,14,7,2,3,3,29,29,10,3,4,4,0,4,1,1,1,5,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,7,0,0,2,8,15,0,2,6,4,21,4,22,22,5,19,0,5,0,0,8,8,1,3,10,94,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514201661325578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833147129273274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918136734145895,0.0,0.11052909697883158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723799909409456,0.0,0.1456856768493051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377002780420842,0.0,0.2237527364321253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488682556930126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158576985741816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26271055157168355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035475631448323,0.0,0.06786356009233464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382731648813024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143706996568013,0.0,0.07138561564393657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174703574426132,0.06345899849542758,0.0,0.0,0.1149509273963346,0.0,0.14531667491197225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670436731407442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548605969558956,0.0,0.10018123641537112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739065665477819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801863631875315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341727115468965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328502875649297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333296138613673,0.10744856070211864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005763962146962,0.09999772502687834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420815009324276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258983935640382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514829234361036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443155381645335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984219036667114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041180845096001,0.2344158662615756,0.0,0.0,0.12521190075185182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deadtomie,2018/11/19,"An apology The other day I came to vent about something stupid and perhaps it wasn’t appropriate. I thought if I posted in a forum where people had the same kind of problems as me it might be ok. I had seen similar topics on here.
I really didn’t mean to add to any more stigma. I know apologizing now probably just sounds manipulative. I’m going to delete this after and my account. I’m not looking for sympathy I just feel really awful and wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to blame my disorder for being a shitty person.
I’m really really sorry. I just can’t stop thinking about it now.",2.246836158192089,4.610065576271187,5.045000000000002,76.40670903954805,79.67796610169492,8.340112994350282,23.39265536723164,9.075114841892004,2.3040485875706223,470,16,85,13,12,168,79,118,0.222,0.738,0.040999999999999995,-0.9654,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,0,5,2,9,0,0,1,0,22,23,5,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,6,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,8,4,12,2,15,12,2,11,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,5,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140891401137125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101354561390876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462294830312727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214682437084617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770727175752232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982198264120864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012283261485376,0.10619891291875984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227180448760178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209870972654369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499567909737124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396735457914116,0.16872854277699753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850692184559853,0.0,0.20834395683863535,0.1849032984457623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4951745304040758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876455986837972,0.0,0.21631485717199608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155617090883562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381952953898652,0.0,0.1534099096425537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397716724686027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hermes343,2018/11/19,"I broke my nose and no one cared So i broke my nose and have to be with a very noticeable protection. Being myself i hate attention but, i like it when people care i guess. So yeah i got to college and only a friend and the bar lady asked if i was okay. Which was depressing as fuck. All the others gave me weird looks and ignored me. 
This just proves that I actually dont have friends. I dont know why i try. 
Same thing happens on my birthday. I dont like the attention but then i end up getting sad just because only 2 people outside of my family wished me a happy birthday. 

I talk to everyone. Im just kind of a loner. I guess i dont have any real friends. 
",0.17014285714285649,2.321247657142859,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,86.71428571428572,5.785714285714287,20.892857142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.6292857142857153,512,17,113,8,16,176,86,140,0.223,0.602,0.175,-0.6664,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,18,2,0,7,2,11,4,2,0,2,23,25,13,0,2,6,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,4,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,3,23,10,9,19,2,5,0,4,1,1,6,2,1,3,5,75,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.1230702581154294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576267130280206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179007023105039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687866488838466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571657349447572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862285042290268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5912243738407312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170064806819267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050849308243194,0.0,0.0,0.11889020132835047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29230890825815736,0.11659148465558652,0.06588999495263351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086585878278792,0.0,0.277860256741155,0.0,0.11152326867891188,0.13425199214007585,0.0,0.12451266571999292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622607435907833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132958994544844,0.0693096243119273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322704806154695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590501819974314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358300887974426,0.0,0.0,0.08545893399770818,0.1918326089103866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486482226133615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354672552036327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136663316320324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378534539447012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856239529919812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040582607478566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379936613830145,0.0,0.14502627399777862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,treezy_22,2018/11/19,"Does BPD manifest more often in romantic relationships than not? So for years I’ve felt generally depressed and afflicted with something but never sought help. I just recently ended a 2 year relationship that upon reflection was very toxic. After researching BPD, I found that a lot of behavior I exhibited in the relationship was similar to textbook BPD traits. I was quick to react with anger, blow up intensely over relatively nothing, quickly calm down and console my partner, just for a few examples. But I’m noticeably not as quick to react with anyone else I interact with and I’m generally a mild mannered person who doesn’t really hold on to much anger normally. Although my temper has the potential to blow intensely at any moment if I’m pushed hard enough. But the trigger was about a million times easier to pull in the relationship than in any other interaction. 

TLDR: is it normal that certain aspects of BPD would occur more often and more intensely in a romantic relationship than any other interaction?",8.496318181818182,9.536396561111118,9.278484848484851,57.68590909090912,61.16666666666667,13.212121212121213,39.141414141414145,12.563389971838223,5.878444444444442,831,41,119,30,11,282,111,180,0.133,0.802,0.065,-0.9138,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,3,0,10,0,8,0,0,3,2,33,13,11,0,4,8,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,6,2,7,2,31,6,7,24,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,4,11,91,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264398832112035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760982709200387,0.1137268236276407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5591739702573533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559926710222268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713189968885914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272153314765846,0.0,0.09830804520952813,0.11468682951791324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657197787836804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169957079009623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994291320199828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439717010077483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436342331388044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159361508543178,0.0,0.08560568180232482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750178443772766,0.1065020680019545,0.12636779797063144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691598120330892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711058198736799,0.0,0.10959352568314606,0.5958319427437698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544886982742285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472169543002029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915819592718919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884719843072126,0.0,0.0,0.14295343876605845
bpd,bigbladeebutterfly,2018/11/19,What is BPD? i have depression but i dont really get what BPD is? ive tried looking it up but i think id get a better more relatable answer here. im just interested,-1.9253153153153164,-0.09872024324324258,2.4420270270270272,88.53799549549551,102.78378378378378,6.790990990990991,16.977477477477482,7.793537801064563,0.9987693693693696,129,4,30,4,6,49,27,37,0.065,0.72,0.215,0.7514,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,9,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408123757392288,0.0,0.0,0.685862352093006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345171330593987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31911389870582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845134822632457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941125949305004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286493233063834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744315989659477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446808908424452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486242902587566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Drunkenloner42,2018/11/19,"1800 matches on tinder... Multiple men flirt with me 
A guy talks to me everyday and wants to date me...

...and I still feel empty, unwanted and dead inside",1.1974137931034503,3.8403493448275854,3.106465517241382,85.70383620689658,90.0344827586207,7.037931034482759,21.04310344827585,8.07648339933343,1.6472000000000002,117,4,22,3,4,39,24,29,0.25,0.75,0.0,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985802488563429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5846990127531827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715830754400946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474630603160524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482988558411829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ms_unfortunate,2018/11/19,"Going back to dbt After being in dbt for over a year, I'm going back.  I quit because: I didn't care, they had me in groups with court appointed drug addicts, Marsha Linehan has books and I know how to read, and I had to work more than two days a week.  I'm going back because I want to prove to my ex that I'm trying.  We are still in love, but he has a hard time dealing with me (completely understandable).  My dilemma is that although the techniques work to calm in the moment, and the meds take away the immediate suicidal attempts,  wtf is the point when I'm still me and I still have no idea who I am and the self hatred never goes away?  I'm still aware that I feel and act unhuman, I'm still aware that I'm gross and worthless... So I've been thinking.  Maybe I just have to act and use those ""coping skills"" and fake it until I die.  What else can I do?  Dbt and medications do not change who I am as a person or the way I look.  They are temporary fixes to get me through a few more years of living.  But acting is exhausting and being isolated feels good but also horrible because ""normal people"" have family and friends and enjoy life.  I can't win.",4.2368354430379735,4.506274455696207,5.359341772151904,84.78027848101267,70.26582278481013,8.345316455696205,26.34852320675105,8.238735603445708,1.4655363713080174,894,25,192,12,15,297,138,237,0.209,0.7190000000000001,0.073,-0.9903,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,2,6,13,11,0,0,12,0,22,6,0,2,2,34,44,24,2,2,6,1,3,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,9,16,0,0,7,2,0,6,5,4,0,1,4,4,23,7,24,38,3,33,0,1,1,1,13,8,0,1,18,128,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963151389019198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950937967447952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344327298241726,0.2743077139247048,0.0,0.2174627562434404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123859854063428,0.0,0.125793014150659,0.0,0.1246768559412662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668833274178022,0.1225929388281728,0.0,0.0,0.12341176970644532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790004222023525,0.0,0.09933562698482838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209954850602016,0.0,0.1202508505834216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187103247062224,0.0,0.0621265554497202,0.0,0.20274110495281095,0.09973765293125912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652169819100636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423705160267962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535086580458334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399098567416788,0.0,0.0,0.10500137884297447,0.0,0.09985604021247534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732262479239564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946297794915765,0.0,0.13208430479215458,0.11979122061390628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171218148167988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650840637543043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243853322673657,0.1038292770930487,0.0,0.0,0.11241017327491812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647743386262106,0.11894407083908755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240510366508419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748159511523947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007030922114812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940694371001655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619393868069968,0.0,0.0,0.06933848025165583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073336880970489,0.0,0.11615963951218405,0.12379147280082994,0.0,0.1027016949405011,0.0,0.0,0.07013731456209993,0.09438672465312513,0.09538394678072924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313854662618725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315071901205174
bpd,spahgettur,2018/11/19,When you don’t know if you have CPTSD or BPD so your brain defaults to neither How does one validate their own feelings?,3.6062499999999993,5.4979871250000025,3.3483333333333327,92.43000000000002,73.58333333333334,6.466666666666668,28.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.3743166666666669,97,4,20,1,2,29,23,24,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,4,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5862653391950182,0.5196381095075103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407351337127064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353645177649952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558198123505201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31542644583642626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AsleepInDreams,2018/11/19,"Newborns and BPD My baby is two weeks old and my hormones are raging. She is wonderful and cute and sweet and I would never dream of harming her or putting her in danger. 

My problem is that I’m increasingly short and horrible with my husband and it’s a problem. Last night we had an argument that began and has carried over into today. I believe it’s the extreme sleep deprivation that’s causing it and I have no help with the baby so I can’t exactly get shut eye whenever my body is ready. 

Anyone else with children have experience coping with this? ",3.8461111111111137,5.797423981481483,5.260370370370372,78.72166666666669,73.07407407407408,7.7629629629629635,30.51851851851852,8.515128840125781,2.5746407407407403,442,20,79,8,9,148,75,108,0.198,0.66,0.142,-0.7283,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,4,0,11,3,3,1,2,23,15,11,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,15,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,6,0,1,2,2,13,2,8,12,1,14,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,2,7,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485602874831114,0.21769523584474174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239375007308626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360004313371419,0.2675919045536181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182598158842221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748702885217738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078312862193403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100405840570167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424106378306799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318712181782275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386590687368546,0.0,0.0,0.1993837673763293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229460060504391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40660012772979853,0.0,0.21358574861448576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126181812458326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139173232909827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754718035560754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704264001564261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040894928910155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150928856628167,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JuhannuksenLumikuuro,2018/11/19,Can a 16 year old have BPD? I’ve been subscribed to this sub for a while now and I can relate to the majority of the posts and comments here. I’ve googled the symptoms too and I noticed that they basically described me but from what I’ve read im not sure if I could have it since Im young. I’ve already been dignosed with OCD and SAD so could they be linked to BPD too?,2.2411111111111097,3.13145477777778,3.514506172839507,93.91027777777781,75.2962962962963,6.387654320987655,25.84567901234568,6.42735559955562,0.5949160493827161,291,10,71,2,6,95,54,81,0.106,0.894,0.0,-0.8423,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,1,12,9,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,7,4,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,44,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344087592148343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5350665586353093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391972865995152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458896201374889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418395217908612,0.2228971620383842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343791205962208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247567740073467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571452516296074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020163399842972,0.2207838370613465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679035254526398
bpd,Qwaiii,2018/11/19,"Transgender, Depression, BPD, Anxiety So,I don't know, I've kinda given up on living a normal life. If it's not BPD it's depression or dysphoria, or just really anxious and have trouble functioning.  I've tried, but things always escalate to a point where shit happens.

Twice I've almost put a large kitchen knife through my arm, second time losing me my job. About a month ago I had a psychotic episode due to how desensitized I was, feeling nothing and struggling with many voices and screaming in my head, decided to kill myself and my cousin called an ambulance to stop me. I was hospitalized in a BHU for a week, a week after release I tried to end it by taking a bunch of sleeping pills in hopes of never waking up. Then yesterday I had some coffee and negated the effects of the medication they put me on, I lost my shit last night as I ended in a 4 way argument with other personalities.

It's getting extreme, and I don't know what to do about it. Do I give up and go for disability, get a 15 hour a week job(if I can handle that)? Should I be hospitalized for a month or longer to try to get my shit together? Or just keep repeating the cycle of life and death until I finally go deep enough?

Ugh, waking up stressed out really f***in sucks.",5.116646341463415,5.818125898373985,6.3794207317073175,76.70986280487806,68.47154471544715,9.889837398373984,30.822154471544714,9.978442167317967,2.996025203252033,985,38,189,23,16,333,148,246,0.23199999999999998,0.728,0.04,-0.9946,2,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,3,6,15,5,2,17,0,12,13,8,2,1,35,28,18,2,4,9,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,9,11,1,2,5,0,0,4,5,14,0,2,6,3,23,1,35,20,3,40,0,4,0,0,5,14,4,9,21,123,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750215294495324,0.0,0.1101420954442401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915229827023179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414433965786539,0.12426077541964801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770646519385125,0.0,0.1123151452443382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947360981816666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484229078973495,0.11365216620397325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561576289225422,0.0,0.0,0.1204919489586008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240039935387247,0.10551530290616502,0.1250231070229527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726644169733274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288454524200855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924786186919187,0.10832094309016907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830214950446145,0.09776682730242424,0.1216909514942538,0.0,0.1208985463223761,0.08965897101172049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538260965898698,0.0,0.0,0.09712582922711936,0.0,0.0,0.1230540256239354,0.12007034670334968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151563224633283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080637001590114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755907174837796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483337814027397,0.0,0.0,0.10322097412188903,0.10776978079560733,0.10554124466170203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604164008927628,0.0,0.0,0.10397893259304664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114667929739884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409286574983923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387186843532664,0.0,0.0,0.1100724300328608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195906848514122,0.12599660346654415,0.11498855979447188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270104299757734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307445799822686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413779957939013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240340692192566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730731920840817,0.2646892363162603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,35221339018,2018/11/19,"How frequent can splitting be? Is it something that happens like once a week or day or can be constantly like every few minutes?

I've been trying to form relationships with people after isolating myself for years. Believe I'm splitting constantly, oscillating between thinking they're wonderful people to thinking they're awful and just being near them makes my skin crawl. 

unsure if this is 'splitting' or something else. I try to talk myself out of thinking they are bad or weird people just because they believe something or are into something I don't like or understand. ",6.800321782178216,9.217331940594061,6.39117574257426,71.72755569306932,66.22772277227722,7.822277227722773,36.387376237623755,8.472884824447931,3.55451386138614,470,24,65,7,8,146,68,101,0.096,0.7959999999999999,0.10800000000000001,0.3313,0,0,4,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,0,1,1,11,1,1,2,0,20,19,9,0,1,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,8,3,11,15,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,8,10,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943182039494122,0.09449626764283732,0.0,0.0,0.34929972203452336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350342839425919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997244596317613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949591216694434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306076006161672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708006845314955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271988489530868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347433208852554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508689845188215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224055673257595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642908783860105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773553226008557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459592672882888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798383190020217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049127193649905,0.0,0.0,0.16137704241078893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434442273506074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810815557946845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982517179117444
bpd,verysomething,2018/11/19,"DAE experience periods of mania? I call it mania for me, but maybe it’s not the right word. Anyway, I experience episodes that range from a few hours to a day where I feel extremely hyper and sometimes euphoric. My heart starts to race and I talk really fast and I have so much energy and I feel really good. Then when I come down, I feel anxious and upset. Any one else have these too? ",1.8554870129870125,4.186426675324679,3.6416720779220815,86.09679383116888,80.94805194805195,7.486363636363637,20.01461038961039,8.472884824447931,1.207936363636363,302,8,62,7,8,101,57,77,0.073,0.759,0.168,0.863,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,7,9,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,4,10,1,6,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075402740102525,0.0,0.0,0.2504419889905046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22636611009190466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096279049856754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429690786552004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851901398805648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337027355229758,0.0,0.0,0.3362731859089481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859396317146124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26269888234417105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831597577927014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271330305623632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296465856500622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022011653608533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28403535363805754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893185642415761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192530431807338,0.0,0.1569104350486433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818274502529327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redheadbeauty15,2018/11/19,"I emotionally exhaust people This has been the conclusion of all my relationships in my life. When I was younger my mom used to say it to me, growing up when I went through a major suicidal episode near the end of highschool my friends told me that, and now even my boyfriend tells me that. 

I feel like I’m a chore for most people and they say they’re tired of trying to change me , but I don’t know what they’re trying to change. I feel absolutely horrible , sometimes I feel like I actually have to kill myself just so I don’t waste anyone else’s time. At this point it feels like I can’t talk to anyone because I don’t want to exhaust them, but I’m still entirely suicidal and getting closer and closer everyday ",5.181041666666665,5.583568909722223,5.809722222222224,81.90750000000001,68.2361111111111,9.177777777777775,31.277777777777786,9.150863307647796,2.4686027777777784,569,22,117,10,9,185,86,144,0.205,0.7090000000000001,0.086,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,1,7,7,1,0,4,0,8,4,0,1,1,17,20,9,3,1,3,1,4,3,1,0,4,2,1,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,6,23,4,16,16,3,16,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,10,73,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.14119204864924828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233474767074694,0.14824725826805146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819885778438298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30611587079093266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086605985370892,0.16275156556945056,0.128148291696965,0.0,0.0,0.09556332140752499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926290787150329,0.3100897687361567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178355688148224,0.0,0.07559213343101467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600729234475664,0.0,0.0795152947394679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219555470482364,0.2120578882895986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945375504435722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061323401636214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677443978168213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533793890084915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230119224730286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309752915182894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155459222706596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165246197502697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629261870537325,0.12646138943200494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436720196613683,0.16629454714109834,0.0,0.13825307006331186,0.0,0.1964637357800276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249617039176874,0.0,0.0,0.08533917907555881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134124786243315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway2747829,2018/11/19,"TIL: I am always the toxic person. Always have been. Probably always will be So my ex and I broke up a couple months ago. It was friendly and originally I had thought that it was just due to him moving to a town quite far away and a long distance relationship wasn't really feasible for either of us. 

Today I learned otherwise. We had a talk, and it turns out he used that as an excuse to try to not hurt my feelings. He knew he was one of very few supports in my life and didn't want to say that he had wanted to break up with me before. He was scared that I might commit suicide if he told me he wanted to break up, he broke down sobbing saying he didn't know what he would do if I killed myself, that he would feel responsible etc.

I feel like shit. I tried my very hardest to not be manipulative, to not have someone stay in a relationship with me because they felt they had to, and I did it anyway. I've lost so many friends due to this and I tried SO EFFING HARD. And it wasn't enough. It never is.

Realizing I've been toxic in the past was hard and I was determined to change. I thought I did. But now I know I'll never be able to change. People actually are better off without me and I hate myself so much for that. I ruined the relationship. Everything I had read about being in a relationship with someone with BPD came true for me. I'm destined to be alone forever.

And honestly, I wish I had killed myself",2.04144625922023,3.8557911267123295,3.9441095890410938,86.78850895679666,77.80136986301369,6.821074815595362,22.189673340358272,7.748469712250963,0.907818861959957,1107,32,236,17,26,375,148,292,0.136,0.7440000000000001,0.12,-0.7978,0,1,0,0,0,2,27.0,2,0,2,3,8,18,4,1,10,0,35,2,1,3,4,52,56,20,3,8,9,1,6,1,2,4,1,2,0,1,14,18,0,0,11,1,0,2,10,11,0,1,27,8,36,7,38,20,5,30,0,6,0,0,29,13,2,3,13,165,50,2,0.09530701123633953,0.0,0.09300589476501317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448391496501552,0.0,0.0,0.09870932055015456,0.0,0.0,0.23790920470235935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954407437150179,0.0,0.0,0.05809826944197655,0.0,0.08109924686905758,0.0,0.0,0.08429130639642607,0.0,0.0,0.1200358442720751,0.0,0.0,0.1090058307768748,0.0,0.0,0.201644361258678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545539516468418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847761977714643,0.10629251079916242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856557962676614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457026560910027,0.06808734787048225,0.09150967692210164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726792092386504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707527237258956,0.09409594212440417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202812671499333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088617404903184,0.0,0.10475648176363976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731816059940413,0.046562191546986785,0.0,0.0,0.0843437058074208,0.0,0.0,0.10403886123861003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662635036672568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011056776796595,0.0,0.0,0.07607314708692052,0.10129626990499767,0.07006161942397196,0.0,0.1470132851126726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458249737858139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098132643819384,0.06607388131942822,0.08321840604877664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275707780468082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013707380217477,0.09533280266712292,0.0,0.061056111873498076,0.0,0.0,0.4092962496582727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158392135692936,0.09541894469011483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783127743554948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150664267521808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158459297658612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425040133868096,0.10815326691181687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660416546634853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151326242050383,0.0,0.0,0.09033990269573054,0.09106993352856088,0.0,0.19412161353885013,0.1036666601279122,0.0,0.0,0.11464259967453592,0.0823146572021005,0.0,0.15727653125531413,0.16864363364012205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959835937736064,0.09187255779320412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540673258111124,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Crazydunsparce,2018/11/19,"Dae not really know who they should be attracted to I wouldn't know what my ""type "" is. Like I wish somebody could tell me what to like. I don't feel like a person so I can't really understand what I'd like in a potential partner ",0.7720408163265304,2.7795384489795936,3.1626122448979617,89.84310204081629,82.87755102040815,8.001632653061224,20.00408163265305,8.841846274778883,1.3253967346938778,180,5,41,5,5,62,34,49,0.0,0.68,0.32,0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,12,1,0,4,1,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,25,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304391875015299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593469247043622,0.2061898301993776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31723546095842514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.564019640597354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201141694195617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697940875528952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522661665365882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004630807350329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318981839788365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dontgotofargo,2018/11/19,"To anybody trying to quit a harmful substance I’m proud of you. I am so bloody proud of you. 

My drug of choice is alcohol. I self medicated for about three years. I tried to kill myself a couple times and decided I didn’t want to ever be inpatient again, so I quit cold turkey and I’ve recently hit six months sober. 

It wasn’t easy to come out of the fog. I felt that drinking enhanced my BPD, and suddenly becoming sober made me feel like I was missing a huge chunk myself, which hurts in a way I think only those with a warped sense of self can fully understand. 

I’ve been unemployed since my last stint in hospital six months ago. It’s incredibly cliche, but hobbies are helping to get me through. I stopped doing things I enjoyed because of depression, and I’ve begun to ease myself into my old interests. Reading, drawing, listening to music. Simple things to keep me occupied and rediscover the “real me”. I recently started learning a new language, which I find is an effective distraction for when things get incredibly tough. If you’re feeling a little lost, I hope you can find the time and energy to do things you enjoy, or maybe pick up something new once things settle a little. 

If you’re actively trying to quit whatever is harming you, I’m pleased you’ve managed to take steps to better your mental health. Substance misuse issues are really tricky to navigate and overcome, but it’s possible, even if it’s not a permanent thing. I hope I can stay sober forever, but it’s not certain that I’ll manage to, and that’s okay. We’ve all just got to take everything a day at a time, and hope that our future selves are in a better place. 

I’ve been telling myself that the storm that was alcoholism has passed, leaving fertile grounds to grow beautiful new things. I’m hoping one of those beautiful things will be me. We’ll see. ",5.36307276995305,6.413977526760565,6.000721830985918,78.38596537558686,68.09859154929578,9.522300469483568,31.411384976525827,9.725611199111238,3.0109272300469487,1462,59,270,32,24,476,198,355,0.08800000000000001,0.7090000000000001,0.203,0.9922,2,0,5,1,0,1,38.0,2,6,0,9,8,23,1,1,17,1,23,6,0,3,3,46,50,19,1,8,10,0,3,1,0,2,5,1,0,2,23,13,3,2,10,2,0,4,4,9,0,4,10,6,36,14,36,35,1,41,0,4,1,0,13,12,0,8,24,164,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386940988323784,0.17811462482541626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050798840000411065,0.09203441921076948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474020010642162,0.0,0.0,0.10495461751371496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717837416277275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092206046713681,0.0,0.05374269707802652,0.0,0.07177433176073926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163432018110114,0.09663947475613263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055040461929295965,0.07537919736427551,0.0,0.0,0.07489405676797913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427103322274984,0.05953289699926882,0.08001245959826306,0.0,0.1523291548420045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707579186205222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664877218211225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885787624966127,0.0,0.0,0.05585615173350019,0.0,0.0,0.33107269300356085,0.0,0.0,0.08920937808161132,0.0,0.0,0.08697768750847326,0.0,0.07406993200513033,0.09219528496037722,0.0,0.0,0.06792727216098803,0.0,0.08823729622038645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0407121475593371,0.1670425138805749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096748520475928,0.0,0.0,0.0788514149365626,0.0,0.0,0.08371889707888701,0.0,0.0,0.08394892745598584,0.08397976079017819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303073101189922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24144972066157905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744364980049557,0.08874660502273217,0.05646839368318904,0.0633782728995628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706493426178295,0.09147427944334936,0.0,0.09394509744318856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26590374985092624,0.0833552502680738,0.09485085560315944,0.05338506099921983,0.0,0.16456197436744446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664053721862243,0.0,0.1738683590211691,0.0,0.0,0.06893366996105739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415358315472981,0.0,0.0,0.05898331344456668,0.08882156963863122,0.0,0.06966986796942562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531163791651487,0.0,0.07283645218729333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44290034029619796,0.05339622885643546,0.0,0.0,0.14577590124026568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973229807869114,0.0,0.0,0.08675227881115785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915178509707803,0.06614561785167644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053663526151107116
bpd,hyperionist1142,2018/11/19,"DAE develop/have agoraphobic-like responses to stress? I'm a male borderline and I have done this in the past, but my gf who is also a borderline seems to have this response to any stressor. Almost like an compulsive need to isolate themselves from anything and everything that might elicit stress.


She recently missed a few days of class about a month ago, then got so stressed about making it up that she avoided class further, then dropped out and moved back in with her parents. Now she hardly ever leaves their home :/",8.893157894736841,8.637101473684211,7.470526315789478,75.34368421052635,60.57894736842106,10.968421052631578,37.94736842105263,10.355215969177356,3.8760105263157887,420,18,73,8,5,126,73,95,0.23199999999999998,0.742,0.026000000000000002,-0.9677,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,4,6,0,5,0,0,2,1,14,11,8,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,7,1,13,8,1,17,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,3,11,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998254402819348,0.0,0.18072229280633226,0.0,0.0,0.14432790852446326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227309883118534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148517725195476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387761697682148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639315130673925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469129264373413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325236359951692,0.0,0.0,0.16220167120966936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443444606759927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167252164346374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103379446556114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910997684944275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817226169383431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204702303230604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145826205597286,0.0,0.0,0.14405553540264096,0.19181917607249568,0.0,0.1338218878918562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039906810326408,0.0,0.17228633484455755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819990271494074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430007090596532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6202096021265113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NutnHoochiHoes,2018/11/19,"Is there hope of a happy life? Some of you may remember me as Madara on this sub.  I had posted the stories with my wife whom I suspected of having BPD.  Through all the physical and emotional abuse, the physical and emotional scars we had filed a divorce.  Two months in she had canceled the divorce and asked for me to come back.  She had admitted what she did was wrong, but it was because of me.  However, she promised to do better.  

Since then she has started school to earn her masters and I’ve been going to therapy regularly for my anxiety and OCD.  I was prescribed an SSRI to calm the anxiety and my emotions; for a while it helped.  As it wore off, they had to increase the dosage.  Although my wife have minimize her emotional outbursts, and have learned to let go of the little things.  I don’t know if it’s because of the stress from her schooling, but the attention was no longer on me.  We had many weeks of happiness where her temper was at minimal.  

Day by day I notice her insults had started again.  She calls me an idiot with Alzheimer day in and day out.  I do my best to pamper her when I’m home, cooking for her and giving her massages to help her with her schooling.  I’ve even help her take her online exams.  She still denies there’s anything wrong with her, and recently she has begun to hit me again, but not the the extent as before.  I feel like with every attempt I try to appease her, she starts to push on the boundary.  As the effects of the meds wear off, I question our future and whether I can be with her.  I’m tired of the emotional ride and feel insecure.  She has even told me a guy at work, her boss is hitting on her and she told him to stop.  She even showed me her texts.  I appreciate her honesty, but her neurosis remains.  

When she gets angry she tells me, there’s something wrong with me, a normal person wouldn’t be prescribe psych meds; I did it partially for her.  My psychologists tells me she will never change, that I will have to either accept her or end our marriage.  She tells me she wishes my wife wouldn’t say that.  I felt the happiness and security in the moments when we first got back together, but I feel insecure of my future.  Have any of you on here ever managed to make a relationship with a BPD work? ",4.183192415730336,5.366351849438203,4.948044241573033,84.35611130617978,70.95505617977528,8.169241573033707,28.9624297752809,8.567472430010655,2.062619382022472,1763,67,354,29,32,570,213,445,0.11699999999999999,0.737,0.145,0.9034,2,0,1,1,4,0,48.0,5,2,1,9,18,20,3,3,26,0,37,4,1,3,3,63,64,32,0,6,10,3,4,1,0,5,2,1,1,2,11,27,1,2,13,2,0,6,6,9,0,2,20,5,83,11,59,34,6,51,0,0,0,0,73,15,0,6,30,267,94,11,0.0,0.09401390938400102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053959076547625134,0.0,0.12140136573922646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529629894398774,0.0,0.07417927781808015,0.0,0.0,0.12202678509329838,0.0,0.09673909873784528,0.0,0.06751894786010808,0.0,0.08327039171008413,0.07017648796208632,0.0,0.0,0.19987100308924166,0.0,0.08102275257791325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839392203980136,0.06835091577918424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469050391809124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462767479895239,0.07027840583755254,0.0,0.0,0.1572249882412184,0.07177443044509645,0.06685375987375393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036156441185272,0.05668592827036637,0.0761861218609676,0.0,0.0,0.06749301251821416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041455836523781694,0.07611743066308095,0.09019011857043653,0.0,0.06346150968043107,0.0,0.0,0.07856658096061676,0.0,0.2534009287670418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159555034454116,0.0,0.07959209412095003,0.07881005239887524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043607355821859005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113827832222534,0.056045543590414464,0.03876522045129936,0.07952712229048961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296512697506105,0.0804459938186267,0.0,0.0,0.1762745514276078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333448274814796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061197746683717726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774378304709184,0.0,0.09033774775655022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928324782202687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599304963749673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888745112876181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834616443356852,0.0851896078166867,0.08988534225794888,0.0,0.0,0.06310038180166007,0.0,0.2409119667471619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656371395948294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108564501809249,0.0,0.0,0.16848788032816414,0.0,0.06336708129839265,0.06633813130863195,0.09089238682920964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059659506562102366,0.0,0.2080598515577491,0.0,0.09074087496348657,0.0,0.052715007555527424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911983727429658,0.0,0.15164002949291175,0.0,0.053871799509276924,0.0,0.07751105773401126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364784392296151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912458031120973,0.0,0.0,0.11553196910633967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602623734179085,0.0,0.0
bpd,mop_s,2019/05/15,"how to end things w/ my FP I’ve had a difficult relationship with my FP for a long time because (according to everyone in my life who isn’t also friends with them, and some mutual friends) they treat me really poorly, and after some things happened this week i realize that i need to get out of this situation and i don’t really know how to. we’ve been friends for almost a decade and i don’t just want to dump that invested time, and i don’t want to lose mutual friends (including their fiancé) but i don’t know how to handle this issue. help?",6.108378378378379,5.43065636936937,7.145720720720721,76.78182432432435,66.38738738738739,11.724324324324325,31.112612612612608,11.20814326018867,3.294596396396397,431,14,90,12,6,146,65,111,0.052000000000000005,0.815,0.133,0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,5,8,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,3,0,22,14,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,13,5,15,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,3,6,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184786663137673,0.0,0.0,0.14757378406246294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249174650029238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634445786051101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633254784851676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5702898137004795,0.0,0.09641271241999756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318503042848242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369093588034542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926081771612432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028328847658179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303435976621838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633090084044478,0.0,0.2064491572363113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683148732967726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23643763317344602,0.0,0.0,0.19812315582851373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742677419858546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451957210297025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152094513449379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768883498649216,0.0,0.14802406094922518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MedicalKitten,2019/05/15,"DAE latch to whatever makes them feel most alive? I feel like ive always picked up hobbies and buried them in my closet after a week- after a few nights of being obsessed with them. I move on to the next thing that makes me feel new or excited. Im aware this is also a trait of depression, but ive noticed it happens when im at a high with things. 

I feel as if im constantly on the search for things that make me happy, as I cannot make myself happy. I want something to make me feel alive, and hobbies- for me, do that without harming others. Besides my financial well-being",4.999663865546221,4.841729974789917,5.814789915966389,83.65226890756304,68.57983193277312,8.480672268907563,28.764705882352942,7.957251820313856,1.723282352941176,453,14,94,5,7,149,75,119,0.03,0.765,0.204,0.9687,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,2,7,0,1,6,0,6,0,0,6,0,21,18,9,0,2,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,5,17,4,19,17,2,15,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,3,9,64,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185150893473292,0.11638046482226384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114642964814282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046715552263153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536045343877016,0.09992094089333883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368383724076905,0.2977818304969029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477770584643014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532407579664982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833190210728993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668112072401153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148656379113879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350843230269539,0.14875003428998174,0.13125561026332325,0.0,0.0,0.15923939202277207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767637245300506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787640591695857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249712110511853,0.0,0.11219279007448787,0.0,0.1257571399191406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348266998802341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pookieraptor,2019/05/15,"How do you distinguish between your legitimate/reasonable gut instinct and BPD fortune-telling? All of us with BPD know that people with BPD can have very good intuition about situations because we are hypersensitive and hyper-aware of tiny details in our interactions with people. This can backfire though, because our gut instincts can turn out to be very wrong if we fill in too many “gaps” with our own fortune-telling. 

For example, I’ve been cheated on in multiple relationships and have always known about it before they admit it to me based on tiny changes in my partner’s behaviors, or the way they talk about a certain person.

HOWEVER I have also had strong emotions telling me I SHOULD be suspicious of a person/action, and evidence would show later that my emotions were unfounded (false positives). I’ve had partners that I was never once suspicious of (that of course I’d leave eventually because I found them boring lol) so I know I’m not just super paranoid of every single partner, but if they give me any sort of reason to be (in my head) then I’ll be on the lookout for those tiny clues, and it’s exhausting and unhealthy lol.

How do you know when to follow your gut instinct, or to write it off as fortune-telling?",10.382008733624454,8.326618227074237,9.52091266375546,67.58975327510917,58.86899563318777,12.47877729257642,42.987336244541474,11.00357731598739,4.737155109170304,990,46,170,19,10,314,137,229,0.092,0.8540000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.8231,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,6,4,4,2,11,8,1,0,4,2,20,5,4,3,3,37,29,19,0,4,7,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,10,13,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,6,0,25,4,33,17,3,17,0,0,0,0,25,10,0,5,4,117,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395334496293088,0.10816249795677307,0.0,0.0,0.08839798827585055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377229818368927,0.0,0.1106123296247976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491155401042799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751269842578906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924436017858347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952259118631502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425278587762498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469871936010808,0.0,0.1090298525862964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340774124247134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431811524494265,0.0,0.0,0.13764115589099873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317899503365591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025667672575923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843562552303773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023807180095666,0.2270053574129942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673037396877291,0.0,0.1395611347491679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146114753035585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448142896909182,0.11361741462497647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771499283265572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139232143160024,0.0,0.0,0.15636254976224348,0.0,0.0,0.21451152987334454,0.0,0.10318039749868882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234151188765996,0.14212419056588352,0.0,0.0
bpd,luckied,2019/05/15,"Recovering alcoholic - help/support Here goes nothing...

I used to have a good career (network engineer/cloud architect) but I couldn't stay away from the damn booze.

I thought I made friends hanging out in bars, y'know? Helped me open up, etc. 

The thing that hurt the most was that I was once told I'm boring sober.

Im torn between giving up and being a statistic (grew up in foster care, biological mom left for good when I turned 14 cuz I accepted I had two families, dad passed away when I was 11, never knew him)

Thing is, I got a lil mini me of my own (about to start a legal battle with my ex), and my psych is a GREAT doc, almost friend. He once told me to cut the shit because he didn't want to see me dead.

My lowest was that 6 months ago I was homeless. I don't wanna go back but feel the urge coming on, y'know?

I'm not feeling sorry for myself either - reaching out to a place Aaron created for all of us, may he always be remembered as The Internet's Own Boy.

Wherever you are, I will always miss you dearly.",2.5313009049773747,4.05659421153846,4.158687782805433,87.03925339366518,75.63461538461539,7.00950226244344,23.292986425339365,7.724431198458867,1.01852963800905,788,23,166,11,17,264,142,208,0.14300000000000002,0.653,0.203,0.9448,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,2,0,0,5,15,4,0,12,0,17,4,1,3,2,28,37,8,1,3,4,3,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,6,1,0,5,5,7,0,1,13,3,26,8,26,19,6,26,0,2,1,0,17,13,2,3,7,104,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654317565459606,0.14050500769190047,0.13165155013110685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187926876964595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470470454080532,0.10109487649551868,0.0,0.08014492254067715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340458236182107,0.0,0.0,0.11325263357170455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662751793598253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239413560334316,0.0,0.13295373339244487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315193943870066,0.0,0.0,0.1261211994752943,0.07471932404859538,0.22054718536583856,0.1051512334518544,0.1449498120292689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624760542033865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074492047839804,0.0,0.1420137588676881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450860924464634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284615927073416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440324507926688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397997676407096,0.1049407588085874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140033826285333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261522073503106,0.0,0.0,0.2800296142682543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373616486589709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893365530161487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476722323003276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495548537737756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717363064155034,0.0930575006667283,0.14013307820753107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491943784629509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746900788777416,0.0,0.0,0.10437513943175293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25125680467025,0.0,0.0,0.1430052310645825,0.12843034097252853,0.0,0.15814622981074733,0.11355074581030927,0.0,0.0,0.07754637722651643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fossam,2019/05/15,"Dear God, I’m so fucking stupid Just a quickly reminder: sit down, and try to reconsider your point of wrath like ten times before you actually do something with this wrath. It’s generally will be a bad idea to fuck someone up, even if you REALLY WANT IT",10.098399999999998,6.770302840000002,9.972,68.09600000000002,60.6,13.2,41.0,11.20814326018867,4.312200000000002,202,8,40,4,2,67,45,50,0.182,0.648,0.17,-0.4044,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,6,5,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,3,2,1,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2877018814153907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24616246211915666,0.0,0.0,0.2508701837077132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947258902061055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451128486456066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332815998165495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440342049795665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787002811502552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886930019108755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498001071660185,0.2269669103752009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719119664855082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200163489922246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738925287462633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kklau97,2019/05/15,"There is hope Just wanted to drop in, I don’t usually post but there’s hope. I was diagnosed BPD at age 20, was hospitalized a year ago during my junior year of college and still managed to get through to my senior year and will be graduating in a few days. Shit has been a STRUGGLE, but I just wanted to come on here and say that we all have so much potential and are all individually unique. Regardless of our BPD, we are still human beings that have a place in this world just like everyone else. I love you all and have faith in everyone who is a part of this community❤️",6.524858757062148,5.317235610169494,7.48,76.46316384180791,65.77966101694915,11.256497175141243,31.53107344632768,10.504223727775694,2.8761480225988705,454,14,98,10,6,154,77,118,0.083,0.77,0.147,0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,3,1,0,0,9,7,1,1,5,0,15,3,1,0,3,21,22,8,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,1,10,5,14,16,6,21,1,0,0,1,8,8,1,2,11,71,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512908259034418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42991194301209373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701920015963915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100696085167742,0.0,0.0,0.17322894041883655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257492871574134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32616967298953803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916930897261316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33903249828147874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338193628852265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403854632838912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254638858908779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482162748895056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831638065763106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345702538193355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572557962819784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519281354968055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27259847224395745,0.0,0.0,0.1784238978863842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797158723331464,0.0,0.2013340616560906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32972237920101066
bpd,taurusmoongirl1111,2019/05/15,"Friendships and how to have them Does anyone else have a problem with making and keeping friendships?? I struggle with being in any relationship dynamic that has such weak boundaries such as friendships, how can you be sure this person isn’t going to leave? How do you know they even like you? Why are you hanging out with them? what is the point of the relationship with them? what are their motivations to you? How can I make myself exert enough energy to maintain this friendship even though it’s draining the f out of me... Everything is just so intense and the paranoid thinking takes the fun right out of it, at least with a partner you know their intentions and where they stand.., but it can get lonely if you aren’t dating anyone and taking a break from dating altogether... it makes sense to try and make new friends but the whole experience just exhausts me.,.maybe because there’s a lack of sexually intense slightly chaotic energy that I’m used to unfortunately so it just seems irrelevant.. idk , was just wondering if anyone else had this issue and if it was a bdp thing or just a me thing 😅",7.36517799352751,7.707647087378643,7.029271844660197,75.2419012944984,63.56310679611651,9.585113268608417,33.671521035598715,9.2995712137729,2.958810355987056,884,34,157,14,12,278,118,206,0.11599999999999999,0.757,0.127,-0.392,1,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,7,7,1,18,10,0,1,12,0,18,2,0,11,1,46,34,21,0,5,11,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,15,15,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,0,19,5,22,29,4,15,0,1,0,0,19,8,0,6,4,121,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354473792485916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28855304770005025,0.28189060408633804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385460072256458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037868027069115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298255429728921,0.0,0.0,0.14213506814980628,0.0,0.1817126516522536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362902827547155,0.13455895484592328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627762949674524,0.0,0.07186882376777147,0.0,0.07817786686579964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435757048337324,0.0,0.12226863002752525,0.0,0.0,0.15119749754618134,0.0,0.0,0.14565496462791844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720430777786893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672864132629072,0.0,0.13819635817327208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285519853397978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011108556267205,0.0,0.0,0.13003758013492334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162524570482415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953734588137323,0.0,0.11747450984628492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252284144806314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380638160035314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296475921063394,0.0,0.2068542778397087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277598068737952,0.08814215936448243,0.13515087579057344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933934323762563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880668356551458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241254699709277,0.15357954816295888,0.0,0.0,0.1491767094717798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uhuruuu,2019/05/15,"My therapist ghosted me Yup this really happened. She stopped responding to my texts out of the blue. She’s not dead (my initial concern) because I live close to the practice and saw her getting coffee. 

I’ve been seeing her for years, our relationship was similar to my other relationships (volatile). But damn she really ghosted me???",4.0990314769975775,7.297657983050848,4.89714285714286,74.96474576271187,79.33898305084746,8.11719128329298,33.85230024213075,8.841846274778883,3.8551046004842617,267,15,41,7,7,86,46,59,0.087,0.857,0.055999999999999994,-0.24100000000000002,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,13,0,6,3,0,4,0,0,3,0,9,2,1,0,2,28,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793276370774175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369539935499008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601398486872116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597637795508627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37691478168188175,0.0,0.0,0.6316722513496756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442107109740504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459452380871621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415623008365484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894404152111026
bpd,w01w,2019/05/15,"Just me... Hi. I'm a 24yo guy who moved to another country just a few years ago.

I have been having random suicidal thoughts for all my life but they got very intense lately.

I did attempt to kill myself a few months ago but, as you can see, I failed....

In  the hospital they told me I'd have to wait for a psychiatrist to talk  to me. But I was kind of scared and I didn't want to be kept in that  hospital and/or put under meds. It has been hard to leave that place  (I  had to convince the doctor) but eventually they allowed me to come back  home.

​

I have been OK for a while (for a few weeks) but now everything is turning dark again and I don't know what to do...

I feel like my soul died a long time ago. I don't know who's moving this body anymore.

Also I have no friends, no one to talk with (aside my parents…) and never had a girlfriend…

What the hell am I still doing on this planet? Hoping for what?

\_\_\_\_\_

​

I have read the symptoms of BPD (Borderline personality disorder) and can relate to most of them.

But  maybe I'm overthinking and self-diagnosing myself doesn't seem a good  thing. Sometimes I would like to ask an opinion from a professional...

any suggestion? any opinion on meds?

​

thanks for your time guys...",1.5088022700119446,3.8809682016129017,2.8373835125448035,91.07977897252093,82.70967741935483,5.932138590203108,22.0884109916368,7.242747475848597,0.7368113500597375,966,32,204,14,27,312,146,248,0.147,0.752,0.10099999999999999,-0.9232,2,0,0,0,0,1,60.0,0,2,4,2,7,13,2,1,15,1,26,4,1,1,2,32,44,14,3,3,8,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,1,3,11,7,0,2,5,1,0,4,7,4,0,1,12,3,29,9,30,30,5,26,2,1,1,0,18,6,1,6,18,139,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527784225582864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601450368552112,0.0,0.30897231534680103,0.3465023780514169,0.12927971116241496,0.09967221577031476,0.0,0.0,0.09426784545156612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886248824230489,0.0,0.0,0.0730905185016274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558336313322424,0.11971695589672095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818804473221512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647762411463956,0.09865085572682984,0.0,0.10893991017915147,0.09729161020749758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542824225763129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806206628489077,0.06790646636899195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734383437762251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972663250238123,0.07602322135902101,0.0,0.0,0.1882364477576305,0.0,0.0,0.08514955020103777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534672938376143,0.09440988859241144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516296590804876,0.09898392387569704,0.104478184689295,0.0,0.10722484663657164,0.10064826827348994,0.0,0.0,0.0671393225281967,0.09287698796453722,0.0,0.0,0.08411963750949379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549433599722792,0.0,0.2111667262664485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587105043462691,0.2020543305253383,0.0,0.0,0.07331136410459821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441092689652865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299732723298305,0.09931100833945428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555534084524232,0.0,0.0,0.09507954062906396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516545380633123,0.0,0.07574558606041996,0.08653342567696111,0.0991618623451824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401065624099204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591010161405384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039734487224478,0.0,0.0,0.09879731206374,0.0,0.15280131621106852,0.0,0.08751278446976417,0.0,0.0,0.06314953281945157,0.0,0.0,0.07546211365206673,0.11085329102555598,0.0,0.0,0.0908279962695476,0.0,0.0,0.10339125828417918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842935445684186,0.05606520444841853,0.0,0.07624643901391119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752350487821394,0.0,0.3465023780514169,0.06121154214730104
bpd,mecoptera2,2019/05/15,"DAE listen to a single song on repeat for days at a time? I've done this my whole life whenever I find something I really like (and when I like it, it's the best thing ever, and everybody else must listen to it or they're missing out). I don't mean listening to it 3-4 times a day, I mean literally looping it for hours on end. It didn't even occur to me until earlier today that this might be a BPD thing",4.229659090909092,3.5652944659090937,6.29218181818182,81.29827272727275,70.25,9.76727272727273,26.69090909090909,9.3871,1.9278336363636368,315,8,71,6,5,112,63,88,0.027000000000000003,0.852,0.121,0.8218,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,2,10,12,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,11,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,7,3,11,7,3,15,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,13,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630185595849175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595908823811437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585041204507953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210924163918707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218015062078335,0.0,0.18255407839790214,0.0,0.0,0.1361350497706745,0.18644012831943907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883826584030117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029788282294125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558301994082154,0.20139185028574103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44903284185449616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865228875398648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204064212751507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867510790434894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738633441481857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403711605981955,0.0,0.195370101299542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23011671716654314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LikeaGhost111,2019/05/15,"Discordd small discordd group available.  non-toxic environment, unlike bpd chat.  ask abt joining",7.817619047619049,11.45821314285715,5.61571428571429,63.112619047619035,96.14285714285714,4.723809523809524,40.38095238095238,6.42735559955562,4.284552380952382,80,5,7,1,3,23,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5960209453957678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.80296888647664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scarletthope9,2019/05/15,"How can I forget about the problems from my past? Basically, I'm 23 with BPD and live in a small (ish) city and only started socialising when I was 20 (I was homeschooled). I caused a lot of issues for others because I didn't understand how to have healthy relationships and often went too far whenever I drank at social events due to anxiety. I was cheated on by my first ever boyfriend, which made me suicidal, erratic and ruined my self-esteem. This was a very abusive relationship. I began to abuse Valium because I was constantly on edge. I was then cheated on again by the next boyfriend I had, and also spiralled out of control again.   
My self-destructive behaviour caused a huge misunderstanding among the friend circles I shared; people abandoned and began to ignore me. Some people told me that my life really wasn't that bad and that I was only doing things for attention or to hurt others. It's difficult because I constantly run into these people and I have so much shame attached to this time of my life; there were multiple suicide attempts and failed relationships. I have tried to explain my feelings and mental health to people but it makes me feel even more isolated when they don't understand.  


I rarely socialise now and have withdrawn again. I never had friends growing up, so I still feel disappointed in myself for overreacting and handling things so poorly. I constantly feel like everyone hates me, even if we rarely interacted.  
Would it be worth trying to find some sort of closure with these people, or should I just forget about it and work on becoming a better person?",7.894906003638573,8.394608621993129,7.711311906205782,70.26471194663434,62.43642611683849,10.69585607438852,35.330705478067514,10.46071229359064,3.851366120881341,1283,53,210,28,17,410,170,291,0.183,0.754,0.062,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,1,1,30.0,1,0,1,6,22,18,3,1,8,0,22,4,0,7,2,53,39,26,2,4,5,0,4,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,16,18,1,3,9,0,2,3,4,13,0,1,18,4,36,5,34,18,5,39,0,5,0,0,13,14,0,8,23,161,52,2,0.0,0.2301903388699132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768292676842599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431193347316134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110795090297912,0.17764716465634098,0.10728364153888803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591255086899972,0.0,0.0,0.12234459303107008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995793437319096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149219122072928,0.1089509156521306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832027926931122,0.08786880885289189,0.0,0.0928215569481392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646787360447185,0.0693969281950304,0.0,0.0,0.08878431886751698,0.08262734485096797,0.0,0.0,0.1501004467559164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959057672722473,0.0,0.10325541558405234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399051813535863,0.0,0.0,0.10138905779554867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722589301686322,0.047457760721362166,0.0,0.08577651437278416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258506465915721,0.0,0.09191633964153284,0.06484179099966292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789440331558877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140917254761757,0.0,0.07492045666168944,0.0,0.10330963015699883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775889214966376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273124560425383,0.3367236748752251,0.08481901454081314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929499852330468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062230454615633424,0.0,0.0,0.3128764374336601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267668187771934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990221292665661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687562839058183,0.0,0.07757623320234264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251107121298135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907117183238742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664319091264119,0.0,0.0,0.0928215569481392,0.0,0.13190354348441555,0.0,0.0,0.2022526020693104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015078048751721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900498736030935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071917148523135,0.0,0.0,0.0690055611795157,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Yubookoo,2019/05/15,"How can I break up with my girlfriend who has BPD? Hello — I have tried to end my relationship with my SO several times recently and she just says no. My SO has BPD and has serious attachment issues — for example even running errands is very hard because she doesn’t like to be alone. Visiting my family is also very hard, she doesn’t like to travel and if I travel, it causes a huge dilemma. She also has extremely angry outbursts almost every morning when she wakes up over anything, makes me buy her drugs or else she well have a meltdown etc. Her behavior has gotten so extreme lately that I have tried to break up with her but she refuses to accept it and blames her actions on a mental health problem as the reason we shouldn’t break up. The thing is that I think her behaviors are attributable to her BPD. But I also feel like i can’t live this way anymore. I have tried to convince her to get treatment but she sort of won’t — every mental health professional she interacts with becomes her enemy. so I want to break up but she just rejects it. I’m a pretty big pushover so I don’t know what to do and thought this subreddit May have some advice. Thank you.",2.7585192536720906,5.0558873231441055,4.0826458912266785,84.33178146089719,77.51528384279476,7.133068678046844,25.256252481143303,8.150884317080207,1.728631441048035,923,34,175,17,22,303,129,229,0.111,0.775,0.113,0.0957,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,0,14,10,0,0,6,0,24,4,1,5,0,36,34,22,0,4,8,0,3,3,1,3,3,1,0,0,10,10,0,1,6,2,1,5,7,3,1,0,2,4,36,7,24,28,2,24,0,1,0,0,28,9,0,6,8,128,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449286806016998,0.0,0.0,0.11732442362217098,0.12134822605357995,0.0,0.2810918633879699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619679162446064,0.0,0.0,0.09641730544503513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142306212091264,0.1294001996994363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426979139581552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036134570166655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358748981036531,0.0,0.09787682423671866,0.0,0.1037739447934416,0.0,0.13067061505813551,0.07738677362530369,0.0,0.197434142214588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045329998083174,0.0,0.059242447670195326,0.08370312787816146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121419004194475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991472742866552,0.0,0.0,0.24908310726536045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229044556924418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439114948204343,0.0,0.13216789990173125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717235813366663,0.0,0.103459371159922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820894764449343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361507338265104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191995367476998,0.0,0.1121116554088641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046575045467099,0.11568689479809885,0.1257920061388185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317478761067187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323637778648839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787034256271508,0.0,0.0,0.07783961828186609,0.07507498538558749,0.0,0.09301639868363924,0.06832020343989002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386432538518896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334778074979786,0.06910730639349136,0.09300059947841734,0.0,0.0,0.10534594520562003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPD-is-killing-me,2019/05/15,I'm an electrician. I have been for five years. I was mechanic in the past. I'm an avid DIYer. I make my living and save myself money by fixing things. I pride myself on the fact that I can fix most things that need to be fixed. I can't seem to fix my broken brain though...,-0.4513075060532685,1.617123966101694,1.6971428571428575,97.90711864406781,89.0,4.727360774818402,11.818401937046005,6.1826913282559595,-1.1413360774818402,210,2,50,2,7,70,43,59,0.054000000000000006,0.8079999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,1,1,1,7,11,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,10,2,6,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970019452043645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140287952242457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373865347257239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636959699662923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394901454049638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237532159021029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725310288612816,0.0,0.349405770652405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290147820392146
bpd,LittleMsAngel,2019/05/15,"I feel hurted and disappointed! I recently got diagnosed with BPD and it's still super new to me so i still need to adjust to understanding what it means and having all these ups and downs constantly!

So of course i told my boyfriend that i got this diagnose and he is having a hard time getting around it but slowly he understands.

Now without telling me, my boyfriend told his own sister i got BPD. The reason i found out was because she mention that he had said it and it really swipe my feet under, she is super understanding about it which makes it comfortable to talk with her about it.

I'm just so hurt and disappointed he told her without my permission or didn't even ask if it was ok. I have talked with him and taken it up and it just seems he is taking it so lightly and easy.

Everything have seem so out of control for me lately and i though i finally had some control over who should know it at least and when i felt ready to tell people i would.

Yet that even failed. I have a hard time letting it go since it's still hurting.",3.286628201519844,4.974380038277516,4.166428370391221,87.08852800450327,73.97607655502392,7.597072896144104,24.73430903461864,8.313332769828598,1.4147869969040248,824,26,171,14,17,265,119,209,0.106,0.7929999999999999,0.10099999999999999,0.2686,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,5,19,10,0,0,3,1,16,3,1,4,1,45,41,22,0,4,7,1,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,23,18,0,2,12,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,15,6,26,4,24,23,4,23,0,6,0,0,23,9,0,5,13,127,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145988611637837,0.09604751021016596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262901073620836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587934632770317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102483880816502,0.23046204241864754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855674358197665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571686601772207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233558650870782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051948149253174515,0.0,0.09864597678154667,0.11254603772016293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264849610078258,0.0,0.0,0.053677118447470286,0.0,0.05838919297309951,0.0,0.24651035349516856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406872132648008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299540952666535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646291089285161,0.0,0.11589456649050582,0.0,0.0,0.10505804107046404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857937585205215,0.0,0.0,0.11191337230599688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617999502745244,0.0,0.09922639406363198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122659353339675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581751784974267,0.10563325842566916,0.10144280518361172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977287371959103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870602601981109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498712876204205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461435551956404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724727490216073,0.16515614483910535,0.17959760285819154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094098091171397,0.0,0.11981639060764865,0.0,0.0,0.2945158211847754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208661497591626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807431318208132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298315242458968,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Iambeanwbpd,2019/05/15,"Advice needed I need advice! 
So I met this French guy on Tinder a few months ago, we went out only three times and we had a pretty good time (nothing sexual happened). He made me laugh and see the beauty in life when I was in a dark place. We keep in touch but he takes longer to respond, which I understand because he is busy studying and we only saw each other a couple of days, he has a life. The thing is that I can't stop thinking about him and how much I love him and miss him. Do you think I should risk it and declare my love and pursue a relationship with him? I know he probably does not like me but I feel like he is the only person I want and I love myself when I'm with him. Helppppppppp",2.0172747747747763,3.3729239256756784,3.4118918918918912,92.56801801801802,76.63513513513513,6.014414414414415,19.765765765765764,6.42735559955562,-0.04354234234234245,543,11,123,4,12,178,96,148,0.063,0.743,0.19399999999999998,0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,4,1,0,0,5,9,0,1,9,0,9,5,0,2,0,32,30,14,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,16,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,6,4,25,7,10,23,3,15,0,1,2,3,24,6,0,0,10,78,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906148108692759,0.13181311207356033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906458194368284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645331401528944,0.0,0.0958988594098514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012791214596392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518692219352388,0.10623093424777724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472206415712643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723585818851415,0.13149445415513322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217092520578952,0.0,0.0,0.08172134232214788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006167271840184,0.14529410421652628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026212438774919,0.14070303811307994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869050181811558,0.0,0.10931122329039017,0.2205175522584025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268115616718866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392779528878208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983864547035712,0.15535930171454798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512808239262246,0.16032318363358014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964758631816062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849422893867588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431941894919503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180349889703886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878932342420156,0.190561237992397,0.0,0.0,0.1734157187048513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480139705524726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770680269217711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784590255733992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DAEzes,2019/05/15,"DAE delete an ex on facebook, then request them again months later? Why do we do this?",1.382941176470588,3.89186994117647,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,84.88235294117645,3.4000000000000004,20.264705882352946,3.1291,-0.6208588235294119,67,2,14,0,2,20,16,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6625564976976417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7490119407316781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lostemoji,2019/05/15,Just done trying People are generally full of shit and a waste. I'm done putting myself out there to be disregarded. Everyone just takes what they need and moves on. I'm sick of it. Everyone can get fucked.,1.881,4.6081750999999995,3.1650000000000027,86.62000000000002,85.5,7.2,20.5,8.238735603445708,1.3210999999999995,164,5,33,4,5,53,33,40,0.34299999999999997,0.657,0.0,-0.9493,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,0,8,11,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427651492014479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5068029340479705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24516490496666216,0.1385514079225873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818561780319508,0.0,0.19663584543791146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838501227527622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665903085685449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722148601900983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993907088427529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004735388832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liar_liar_pants,2019/05/15,"I'm good at lying and need to stop. I'm good at lying to get out of hard situations and to protect myself. For example, I'm extra honest/up front with bosses about certain things so I can BS later and they would never think I'm lying. I also notice when I'm feeling worse I will lie more.

​

I've gotten a lot better about it with people in my real life, but sometimes I will go on Reddit and lie to stir shit up because I'm upset. Or sometimes I'll make a story sound cooler than it actually was. I know I'm a bad person when I do this and need to stop. I'm planning on bringing this up with my therapist... I guess I just want to confess about it. I also told my partner so I stay accountable because I don't want to lie to them.

​

I have Bipolar Disorder and have been told I have BPD traits, but I probably don't have it because I have never wanted to hurt/kill myself and some other factors.",2.5834375000000023,3.8758825520833327,4.705125000000002,84.12737500000003,75.04166666666666,6.578333333333332,24.77916666666667,7.0316486544052195,1.071826666666667,718,23,144,7,15,249,104,192,0.16699999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,2,10,7,1,1,3,0,14,3,1,2,3,36,38,16,0,6,4,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,8,11,0,3,4,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,5,3,22,4,26,30,4,19,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,4,7,96,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.11939562016548512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568595969142014,0.0,0.2651316135530036,0.2973364603544121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215685654048412,0.223749653549132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820833267813554,0.0,0.0,0.15409511520922756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022331159523785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186366489098664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392264817297945,0.0,0.06953413200032807,0.20524218192278107,0.0,0.0,0.13478194561774431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096012644989264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097784279413036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724017406705893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641918400412092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401730667396564,0.0,0.0,0.08166934890149365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144144696309286,0.1887272026460391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929590018690444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482184980646458,0.10683100490007352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191362829077485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926070017789074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559016899424594,0.0,0.13752614542148325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242013886768859,0.0,0.0,0.13040845968249812,0.0,0.20457959041120632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420573867347785,0.0812836783422491,0.07839672262438092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23382068888309546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649500041149766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468475737121658,0.08691368892235765,0.0,0.2973364603544121,0.0
bpd,jdmgf5,2019/05/15,"Stigma I just found out I have BPD after 26 long years and so many hard relationships and hospital visits. And holllllyyyyy shit the stigma with this disease is shockingly bad. I've perused around the internet and therapy and gotten mixed opinions on other mood disorders, but never have I ever seen so many people get shit on for enduring basically psychological torture on a daily basis that is most likely not their faults as people with BPD do. It's really fucking sad and demoralizing, especially for someone just realizing that they have to deal with this the rest of their life.",13.217884615384614,10.085923480769232,12.817307692307693,49.477692307692344,54.57692307692307,15.784615384615385,44.269230769230774,13.816669648895859,6.2141230769230775,478,19,71,14,4,161,76,104,0.19399999999999998,0.777,0.028999999999999998,-0.9593,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,0,6,10,4,0,4,0,6,4,2,0,2,21,11,10,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,3,2,6,1,14,8,2,11,0,1,1,1,6,5,3,2,6,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111456710143368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511144894803188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45588725915866907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865870622587301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074239053798279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371083282490814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984401517930056,0.0,0.1673172447234648,0.09455692620163746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212655412501947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783469768290284,0.08841987996794966,0.0,0.0,0.16016557846119722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669797325817593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958639608102466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094371468253923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159432987108565,0.0,0.0,0.19430961077936207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715559564774074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334757111849748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697153734848114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654807779477107
bpd,mr_pickle12345,2019/05/15,"really want to commit suicide  I just feel like theirs nothing left for me; I could go out and buy drugs but, i'm to scared to talk to dealers and i haven't talked to any of my friends in months. So instead i just sit in my room and eat junk food then vomit it all up. I see a psychologist but i feel like she doesn't care about me; I have a method in mind but its really expensive. im just in limbo till i save up enough money. im so pathetic all alone all the time and i just feel like theres nothing left for me because ive already screwed up all my friendships and school. Really sorry for being a sob story. wy does no one care about me? i feel like ive failed at living. Really sorry for being a sob story.",1.0137662337662334,2.6616345324675383,3.105194805194806,92.39207792207796,80.29870129870129,6.218181818181819,19.441558441558442,7.1686216300943375,0.2206935064935069,554,13,128,7,14,188,85,154,0.24100000000000002,0.612,0.147,-0.958,1,1,2,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,1,10,13,1,1,5,0,8,5,0,0,5,26,18,12,1,2,7,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,4,0,3,1,3,5,0,1,0,5,21,8,22,15,5,18,0,3,1,1,5,12,3,0,8,80,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818768038677375,0.13658251353888767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416737640779524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544862382543363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25238212480416866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988197244516629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083113590200606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353310779348386,0.1266469052445557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788678494478112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25032593204696885,0.3536832849647568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966234338958526,0.0,0.0956238634477336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034095228892233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26738419181591505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689514393193283,0.0,0.0,0.2418697361046129,0.0,0.10929057007729882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497172248084415,0.0,0.09879148403052126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375199859302595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838692890033502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171591623112158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391467306843428,0.12526115149786332,0.09862811721735787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770992233391165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538353878350956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896216941552927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721708811684241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300234698485213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,silverwealth,2019/05/15,"Confused about BPD vs C-PTSD Diagnosis Soooo I know I meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD, but my T says she does not think I have any personality disorder, but rather that I have C-PTSD. 

I probed, because I was confused by this, and I still don't totally understand her reasoning, but the jist of it was that because I experienced trauma, she says my behaviors and beliefs are all adaptations/trauma responses that make total sense/were necessary for survival- and that BPD is stigmatized and means you're ""disordered"" and so that's not how she conceptualizes my case. 

Why dismiss a BPD diagnosis because it's stigmatized though? Isn't that just buying into the stigma? 

Also, she emphasized that the root of my problems is attachment trauma and that's why she considers me to have C-PTSD but isn't that sometimes the root of BPD too? I'm just confused...",5.605,7.445548069182394,6.498254716981133,72.0730424528302,68.30817610062893,10.58301886792453,33.37578616352201,10.686352973137794,4.059016352201258,689,32,119,21,12,228,89,159,0.13,0.852,0.018000000000000002,-0.9504,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,3,6,0,11,0,0,5,3,34,17,14,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,12,7,0,0,6,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,2,3,19,0,9,15,3,2,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,3,1,81,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116274366321576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752134525742256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847313055467195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7178713030676587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26129911069188216,0.0,0.09975886877135832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264934655517916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609336848478078,0.0,0.0,0.12417531322574518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953711068843896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907899624533708,0.3997664763398528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720711012262724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813087545782681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274518599719115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103753625124006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304418099195922,0.112000716837968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867409535576967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572773255477825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,80sgenxer,2019/05/15,Ubpd spose. Do you think I should send my ubpd spouse to reddit? Will it help? Harm?,-1.5732352941176484,-0.6266072941176457,-1.4383823529411757,112.94477941176471,121.94117647058823,1.7000000000000002,4.25,3.1291,-3.242047058823529,64,0,16,0,4,18,16,17,0.195,0.675,0.13,-0.327,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7228447667408807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6910104508582497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MagicMoriarty,2019/05/15,"Can't hold a job/make a career for myself I've been trying to work steadily since I was 16. The longest I've ever stayed at a job was 6 months, and had to leave for a college I never should have went to. Anyway, as of the last 4 years, I've been unable to stay emotionally stable enough to work any kind of job for very long. It seems that eventually people/things just get to me and I have a full on meltdown. I've had to resort to taking benzodiazepines, which calm me down, but almost too much, I get lazy and sleepy and very unproductive. Definitely controls my burning rage, but it also just dopes me tf out. I really doubt I'll be able to do any job besides computer repair and selling scavenged parts on Ebay, I have an IT degree but I doubt I'd stand a chance in office culture and a competitive ""team"" environment, and I have to do that first and get experience before I can do the work from home thing. If anyone has a suggestion for a job I could do and make a decent living, let me know, I'm all ears.",5.981420454545457,5.051416014423079,6.988391608391608,78.63842657342659,66.74038461538461,9.679020979020981,28.52447552447553,8.841846274778883,1.9316000000000004,793,20,167,11,11,268,126,208,0.086,0.8540000000000001,0.061,-0.7821,5,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,6,6,5,1,2,14,0,21,1,1,2,3,29,30,15,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,2,2,1,1,1,2,3,0,1,7,1,16,2,24,19,5,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,5,7,108,23,11,0.1227318407844872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289820996799365,0.0,0.0,0.09814860873356164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692372077520512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581695673394937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443575688039043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765419554004932,0.09799138808563572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805680162839726,0.0,0.12681479981942412,0.0,0.0,0.1110179765200593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005529068105596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439564107369488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236696371992065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311004324947107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.608962070724492,0.0,0.0,0.12780632569253925,0.06745020998022785,0.10004283103993657,0.0,0.12995529831193145,0.0,0.12550162253875818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837446396426112,0.10861381694847463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192445675200767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796338438411614,0.0,0.09022202468319178,0.0,0.09465836179098057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290662343902548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786251599349367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173045836462554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152504697277552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616316245704601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922790701038896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153758148636228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332686356305102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253324433075576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137736460049159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680507254608268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903528154374716
bpd,lyssabellee,2019/05/15,"what to say to BPD parent? Hello! So, I don’t have BPD myself but I have a mom that does. My mom is suffering and she’s in a lot of pain. I won’t lie - she’s made the lives of me and my family absolute hell. She’s done unspeakable things to me, to my family, our friends, and it has been incredibly difficult and PTSD inducing. Along with BPD, she also has narcissistic personality disorder and she’s become an alcoholic. She also has been addicted to mixing prescription drugs for years. She hides behind Münchausen syndrome... and it’s like she isn’t a real person. She was always affected by BPD as I was growing up, but nowadays she’s so far gone due to everything else affecting her too, that she truly is the shell of a person. 

Whereas recovery exists for most, I don’t think recovery is possible for my mom. She’s had every opportunity to get help... but nothing has stuck. She lives in a tiny apartment all by herself and she barely has contact with anyone because of all of the damage that she’s caused. She’s broken every one of her bridges and her relationships are a disaster.

Sometimes, I can still see my mom in there. I know I can’t fix her, and I can’t help her. I’ve tried. She abuses anyone that gets too close. I’ve gone no-contact to protect myself, but sometimes I still feel sad. I don’t want this to be my relationship with her. Even though she is this way, she always still remembers to send presents on holidays. It’s her love language, and even though she’s so mentally gone, her presents are usually very thoughtful and immensely tailored to people’s personalities. It’s like my only way of connecting to her still. 

Sometimes I explode with anger when she abuses somebody that I love, but I don’t want to do that anymore. 
I want to have a relationship with her that isn’t this way, but I still have to protect myself. 

I just don’t want her to feel alone. Is there anything that you guys think I could do to accomplish this? Even if it’s just going through the motions? I can’t help her... like I said... but is there anything I can do in your opinions so that she knows she’s not all alone and that she’s still cared about, while still keeping my distance? 

Thank you ❤️",3.1614561120753777,5.032436185779822,4.43228118026283,84.27354202826682,74.75688073394495,7.74103644929333,26.46268286635259,8.524219190627866,1.8686660798413093,1731,64,346,33,37,570,187,436,0.134,0.7070000000000001,0.159,0.7758,1,2,2,0,2,0,60.0,1,3,0,2,27,16,2,0,12,0,41,6,0,5,3,56,67,31,0,6,11,5,2,3,1,1,4,2,0,5,21,19,1,3,9,1,0,7,12,7,0,1,13,5,75,9,45,51,5,33,1,3,1,2,65,9,1,4,17,248,96,1,0.0,0.16406150472988515,0.0,0.07547508020932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398989540130786,0.0,0.14341070990039256,0.0,0.11073251744637172,0.11521616448525522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866134313184827,0.09681978971839617,0.0,0.11394706515487248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220429245293339,0.07646331184089547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487902772424525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058849098276877,0.07112220175357616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527756954886121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934795282243487,0.0,0.06058698012350432,0.07085023261942018,0.0,0.0,0.0802892478464605,0.0,0.057835970508485525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718485020463592,0.0,0.1166649542988264,0.0,0.06222289081397939,0.0,0.13053496269568898,0.0,0.07001339659360371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053489875544516896,0.0,0.07234362409234288,0.0,0.039347173895288086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685523641040858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392179051551367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615381979645227,0.0,0.0,0.07609819079221483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147243806949158,0.0,0.12226945828891987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886011568823101,0.1249724464583944,0.06551071198246572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977140392354211,0.0,0.0,0.3243432404815613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643171499596058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691462642322938,0.05265543789175749,0.07366966300996967,0.0,0.0768759608998978,0.0,0.0,0.047998011601542996,0.2418091953569929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078050726492565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093062753668001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788032413585488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229936294107485,0.0784284187341186,0.0,0.0658572146867312,0.05505751040054262,0.0,0.0,0.055170388697273816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054220469968028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870315117938871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374119716132892,0.0,0.0,0.04599587187722495,0.08872446924073571,0.1360437480587884,0.054963917485323234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700521735511794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625126853357422,0.057125150067605664,0.16334359704308427,0.16486374493607736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458430845504812
bpd,airyourdirtylaundry,2019/05/15,"I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. All the symptoms line up, but I’ve had no trauma. How did I end up with this? Everything I am reading online that says Borderline Personality Disorder stems from trauma. I have not experienced any type of trauma in my life, childhood to adulthood. Every since I was born, I suffered from the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder—no reason why. 

Is this something that I was born with? Am I just repressing certain memories? I have always thought I had a phenomenal childhood, mental health issues aside (loving relatives, spoiled, friends, etc.). Are you just born with Borderline Personality Disorder?",6.642435362802335,10.073142834862393,7.3277564637197665,60.17543786488741,70.19266055045871,10.936113427856547,38.34945788156797,10.637119530657019,5.7134513761467876,535,31,71,19,11,176,68,109,0.257,0.688,0.055,-0.9776,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,3,0,12,6,0,2,2,14,14,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,4,4,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,7,2,12,3,12,7,2,9,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,6,51,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455355542564342,0.0,0.0,0.10179391138536543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519315696406257,0.0,0.0,0.5146709934635221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258036041106847,0.0,0.16694322716580856,0.0,0.0,0.12611975859818386,0.0,0.13453116260842993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156496435740554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591128110205432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623682207198128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573003584951786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510050960450007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508516876002758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228119708876758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972988795120376,0.0,0.0,0.1539056132467607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903900297166245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382460188338773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523819779238365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111691614686241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883664715804368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507138264727225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,2005popculture,2019/05/15,"DAE feel like they need to distance themselves from potential friendships/already existing friends to prevent fucking them up I feel like whatever ‘friends’ (more like close acquaintances) I do have, I need to distance myself from because I just expect something to happen where my emotions make me over react or lash out, or out of nowhere I’ll feel deeply resentful towards them after feeling really attached and happy. So I just distance myself before anything like this can happen, or before people can ‘disappoint’ me I guess.
I go through these phases where I will want to be talking with them all the time and have complete devoted loyalty and affection, then remember a time they made me feel criticised or I felt wronged or whatever, and vow to never make contact again",10.137300420168069,9.957100566176473,8.732731092436975,67.05764705882355,58.04411764705882,11.594957983193275,45.16386554621849,10.914260884657429,5.348898319327732,631,35,92,13,7,193,88,136,0.061,0.733,0.20600000000000002,0.955,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,0,6,12,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,5,2,35,24,11,0,4,7,0,6,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,6,20,8,17,20,2,15,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,6,10,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123992881964867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769614450861652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945934925244232,0.0,0.26408569742705096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269846999335774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455145551508452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923067608983345,0.22171469455649076,0.14899273288145484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397762809598249,0.14345717044113146,0.0,0.0,0.08818976420163675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094321394003478,0.0,0.27444221351642545,0.1651871144397292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30324347766808885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683072938833974,0.2071615885588374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301212075819605,0.11968084608944407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757909415685904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940934416031376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578349523337494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194616154328089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247241204080552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096806441643865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915264800555462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965995614666146,0.0,0.0
bpd,angstysquash,2019/05/15,"Is anyone else prescribed stimulants? In addition to BPD, I have ADHD-PI for which I was recently prescribed 10mg dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine). Besides resolving my inattentive symptoms, cloudiness, and dissociation, stimulants have muted all of my intrusive thoughts when it comes to abandonment and relationship anxieties, as well as completely erasing my emotional lability, suicidal thoughts/self-harm, and impulsivity. Ever since taking the Dexedrine (I've been through the whole shebang with SSRIs and antipsychotics), relationships have improved and I'm back to my normal self. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced positive reactions to stims concerning BPD? I'm curious since stimulants and BPD generally don't go together, especially with the addictive impulsive personalities that many of us have.",14.60906666666667,14.765396000000004,13.019800000000005,38.823566666666686,49.0,18.573333333333334,56.83333333333333,16.32212239822248,10.216813333333334,680,45,77,32,6,217,88,125,0.073,0.805,0.122,0.6623,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,3,2,22,17,10,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,10,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,1,8,2,13,13,2,7,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,50,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471879531333994,0.16226363825651052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328728027589938,0.0,0.0,0.18881340214456985,0.27668079274000434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381938190194501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101458008169654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630479034912347,0.14156226891438875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255779813156375,0.15187542996583284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213018640910325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673300871187247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688557554559694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322875382891859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178912311676912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331254051579428,0.2899144616892227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28170338555454,0.0,0.0,0.22337414715422546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476861760166301,0.0,0.0,0.14033387753026655,0.10151563185274244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718804787514884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240826833397967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213960804541333,0.0,0.0,0.1507411404225607,0.0,0.0,0.1464196735778954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ihateuusername,2019/05/15,"Comorbidities? I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology, and even though I know a lot about psychopathologies, I am not sure about my comorbidities.
I am properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by a psychiatrist and psychologist.
Because I have a subjective point of view, I am not sure what comorbidities I have or if it's even possible to have so many. Here is to list the ones that affect me the most:

- Very strong mood swings. Therefore, the clinicians at the psychiatric hospital I go to cannot say if I also have Bipolar Disorder, since this could very well be mania.

- Dermatillomania

- Body dysmorphia

- Obsessed at numbers and time

- Intrusive thoughts

- Anxiety attacks

- Paranoia

- PTSD (and it got extremely bad for a whole year)

- Auditory hallucinations only caused under extreme stress

- Racing thoughts

- Numbness

And everything else that BPD includes of course... I've had all nine criteria at some point in my life.

So, my question is, what type of comorbidities could I have or are the most common?
I am a psychologist, but this is subjective for me since I am the one suffering from it and I feel like I know nothing.",8.518199329983247,9.450534216080406,8.547851758793971,63.315479480737025,61.11055276381909,13.065494137353433,39.69891122278057,12.45797560212912,5.591853936348407,915,46,147,32,12,298,121,199,0.122,0.84,0.039,-0.8685,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,1,10,12,1,2,12,0,20,5,1,3,3,32,27,15,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,6,1,3,4,3,19,5,19,20,6,12,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,9,4,109,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903569171942204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430416832012462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511303773312254,0.0,0.0,0.11384305276002722,0.08311513776182386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144945339538998,0.17172276952232296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006470084210235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772206290704288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383881229338319,0.0,0.0,0.3125282120206231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389942531941308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011023778065946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253881871637365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894053619711996,0.09740547097954713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748846358441924,0.0,0.10904819640621416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986417834570004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630507493308403,0.0666116736710252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591632840569473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382332468641503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308274780296599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478289347273213,0.10369712936576904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905189861070248,0.0,0.0,0.25778171487303964,0.15370940982068484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938095074958394,0.0,0.15273850681377515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842765737318004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22557331920158105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618365999631412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570086169525461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339590620332168,0.21648667982370784,0.07950433588536449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499913831413612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259125397888745,0.0,0.0,0.1522252231001094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780222872802633
bpd,gpbean,2019/06/19,"I can’t keep apologizing for things that are not my fault My very best friend got really mad at me today because she is having a birthday dinner on my boyfriend’s birthday. I know I’m prone to abandoning plans with my friends because of going out (or should I say, staying in) with him, but this is his birthday and I wanna spend it with him. Her birthday is on a different day, she is just celebrating it on the same day of his birthday. I offered to take her out for dinner another day and I do understand where the anger is coming from, because we recently became medical interns and we don’t have much time to do anything outside the hospital. But this has happened several times before, and I feel like she is trying to make me feel guilty for not spending time with her. This has happened several times and every time it happens I always apologize because I’m afraid she’ll stop talking to me, because she is one of my only friends. This time I feel like I don’t owe her an apology but at the same time I think she will stop talking to me. What should I do?",4.870343665768196,5.626047287735852,5.6779784366576855,81.32537735849056,69.04716981132076,8.698652291105121,32.59568733153639,8.841846274778883,2.668725336927224,843,37,164,14,14,276,109,212,0.08900000000000001,0.7879999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.7729,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,2,2,11,2,1,7,0,22,3,0,1,0,37,40,9,0,3,7,0,3,2,3,4,1,1,0,0,10,14,2,4,6,0,3,2,5,5,0,1,1,4,37,6,26,35,4,26,0,1,0,0,26,9,0,1,16,119,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451041423869913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910200574680932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934693875393606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461966626122498,0.0,0.09665103238393294,0.0,0.11919867801360072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784196560842016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975551844935828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186703856692014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569883884940507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229340545787625,0.16228788103522765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632625544101867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455201352309743,0.0,0.09084295033691596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30132404205746177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009580662073578,0.0,0.0,0.06242241760710745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098213748743793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581774249640315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442323688849974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349680310534045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696699151412316,0.08638522674840404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276437789182481,0.0,0.1121498174336872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032600830194598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566336238566549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106469744831512,0.0,0.18992146887965206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540051472203115,0.18258792684441227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545970522118849,0.07277959979412238,0.0,0.0,0.4636193969361658,0.0,0.10766369846940932,0.0,0.0,0.07711561278679456,0.0,0.0,0.11824423312889512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371812749465704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Morganxrose,2019/06/19,"Recently was diagnosed. Hi, I’ve just got out of an inpatient mental facility after being there for 14 days. While there I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality, Major Depression, General Anxiety, and PTSD. </br>
I’ve struggled with depression with depression and anxiety and depression since I’ve been in my young teens, but I never even thought having BPD was a possibility for me. I’ve been put on Lexapro, & Topamax. The doctor really tried to push Seroquel on me but I had a bad experience in the past. The facility I was at was very reliant on DBT skills, are there any coping skills that have worked for you, how old were you when you were diagnosed?",5.48413223140496,7.8002483636363635,6.487677685950416,70.10060743801655,69.49586776859505,11.12099173553719,32.76115702479339,11.00357731598739,4.434070413223141,536,25,90,19,10,178,79,121,0.151,0.831,0.018000000000000002,-0.924,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,3,8,6,0,1,6,0,14,4,0,1,1,14,16,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,12,0,10,0,16,3,1,18,0,4,0,0,5,7,0,0,9,61,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261412192567448,0.0,0.10206111843653852,0.0,0.2296251151765504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531246125198056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902341759237049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679067498857392,0.0,0.517062700287605,0.4569911612288353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361560546487013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099127951358393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468092992922594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003453487457945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124767036643122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157527309946355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748613947242635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327054859925126,0.0,0.1310460855532034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919525605854605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543819083287812,0.15087417618063784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096146571894572,0.0,0.1481881766498631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414963907158147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689861845818834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914859106142887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101896037921497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383362496942435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926171032376207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Solid-Snake210,2019/06/19,"5 Years- I don't know if we will make it 5 more days.. Hello Reddit. I (27M) havent a soul to talk with. I am having an extremely hard time with my wife (23F)  She was diagnosed BPD after a suicide attempt 3 years ago two years into our relationship. I, along with everyone else that had ever met my Wife, had known that she had some sort of problems.

My Wife has a very hard time dealing with stressful situations. I could waste days going through examples of normal situations that turned into a nightmare because of her attitude but I wont. Ill just assume that this SubReddit understands the behaviours of a BPD person.

I have sacrificed so much happiness in life trying to make her happy without much success. Some days were grand but honestly there were few. Not here lately though. I've put her into Nursing school (her dream) but the stress of having a child, her having to work at leadt 4 days a month, finding a babysitter, amd me having to work a bit extra to keep us afloat has taken her attitude to ten. 

I am afraid what my family will become if I stay with her. I am afraid to leave her though. I worry about where she will stay, I worry about her school, I worry about our boy being tossed around in a divorce. I worry about my own loneliness too. 

Reddit- I've tried everything I can try. I've begged for her to be nice too me. I've threatened to leave if conditions didnt improve. I've tried to show her all the patience I have. I've loved her harder than any woman I have ever loved before.

 Idk what im trying to say. Advice? I dont think theres any saving us. Sympathy? I dont need anyone to feel sorry for me. 

Maybe just talk to me?
Is anyone out there going through the same?",1.615948337718251,4.021003135693217,3.159644423184247,88.72832575938772,82.53982300884957,6.02474687076457,20.371601690185766,7.329194593529364,0.6961760503866694,1329,38,265,20,37,436,182,339,0.146,0.7440000000000001,0.11,-0.6111,0,0,0,0,1,1,44.0,5,0,0,4,19,14,0,4,15,0,32,5,0,2,3,44,47,9,1,7,10,3,3,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,8,12,0,1,7,2,0,3,8,5,0,2,9,4,48,9,43,31,11,29,1,0,0,2,37,9,0,7,15,179,56,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108712340944381,0.0735567884769607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128585296809932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604313052347888,0.0,0.0,0.07386981809254664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058385513965101,0.0916449219939236,0.07060989242814253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905926994093098,0.0,0.2090208819141648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625280055695458,0.0,0.0,0.21406101428985708,0.08554876567304769,0.0,0.0842229821430733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450395063968445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931916599063892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012037282689214,0.0,0.07929097319821386,0.07457709897197652,0.0,0.07822618577271688,0.0,0.04195719564633564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584224267730398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431892486734834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766675665474308,0.1486676130737037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963267015143052,0.0,0.0,0.07375646197277326,0.0,0.0,0.045603653511260014,0.0,0.09360508642744876,0.17572773747945372,0.0,0.0,0.05861124809283429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978543083382118,0.0,0.11077962665829916,0.0,0.08336459183429197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623386701914194,0.0,0.1219997374046048,0.06152863964654862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130280953556343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245496013832327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940068051223997,0.0,0.08341784781226726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908949612773588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598904918396056,0.0,0.16796043773187755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654605736997912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288934815515247,0.0,0.1768913389298098,0.0,0.0,0.19010668441827044,0.0,0.0,0.09076668290150904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333924072528038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053170251632827216,0.1630549132445562,0.0,0.09677264377336177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816899617676015,0.09025844261951473,0.0810594303088022,0.08638513604607337,0.19962951428566472,0.0,0.0,0.06846721382838274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998978625967401,0.0,0.12082089797240322,0.3370809872783978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030925311021926
bpd,bunnybearbutterfly,2019/06/19,"I think I may have BPD... I’m not sure how to proceed or what to do Hey everyone- the title pretty much sums it up. Ever since being a young teenager I have experienced issues with my mood and anxiety. I tend to end up in bad relationships due to fear of being alone. I’ve often felt extremely ugly and undesirable to others, but sometimes I feel like I am extremely attractive and out of everyone’s league. I struggle in relationships a lot, and have been in abusive relationships. I’ve also cheated and experienced extreme guilt, but at the time that I do it I don’t really realize the impact that it will have. I also will get really angry and feel intense anger towards others that comes from no where, but I never exactly know what I’m angry about. I’ve struggled with self harm and suicidal ideation, and often self harm when I feel abandoned. Another thing is that every time I go to therapy to try and sort myself out, I find it very hard to be honest with the therapist. I end up lying and glossing over my issues and all the messed up things I’ve done. I feel like a lot of these are things that are part of BPD, but since I’ve never been honest with a mental health practitioner there’s no way to get diagnosed. I really don’t know what to do.",5.1723343373493975,5.793795457831327,6.544435240963857,75.86074924698795,68.31726907630522,9.919779116465863,28.81551204819277,9.978442167317967,2.75126686746988,995,33,189,23,16,339,129,249,0.281,0.639,0.08,-0.9957,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,10,18,2,4,9,0,22,2,0,1,6,48,37,20,1,0,6,0,6,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,18,18,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,11,0,0,4,8,20,6,32,27,5,27,0,1,0,0,6,13,0,7,13,136,38,0,0.0,0.12371636370483885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081439035587134,0.0,0.16700352011159236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948970317447006,0.07987826278296563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871833353435209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630176095671181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994548584887806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598045147939844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068542332553646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849638819226581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445061480619936,0.08797532328747963,0.19954869618633408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749748328698854,0.21118428363671066,0.14919019887149804,0.10025612192036597,0.0,0.09543470102372552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910652227248653,0.0,0.05934224831597897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353658795381088,0.0,0.0,0.11098975405835823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179671937841612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114769049142031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202516082726283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754218437002087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052271756036112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675807078728232,0.0,0.16106473470249827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307278955281465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622902060879584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067546521392568,0.0,0.0,0.33631242143565243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785816218676396,0.0,0.0,0.1727486557652095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327049286014738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831739208233256,0.0,0.11421459782614042,0.0,0.09841122446523094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194092572411252,0.12123549221401815,0.20810885613122276,0.06690581513425653,0.0,0.0,0.12177208900693567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089188382009845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615446815623448,0.0,0.08288088081696178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anonymousspineless,2019/06/19,"Suppose to start group DBT therapy on Wednesday but I just got a job and can’t do it for at least 3 weeks So I’m 18 and I started dbt a few weeks ago and was suppose to start a group therapy on Wednesday but I got a job which is really important to me, I have job training for 2 weeks and a week of entrance that I can’t take any time off for so I’m really scared to tell my therapist because she has stressed that dbt is limited spaces and that if I mess about and don’t turn up to sessions I’ll be kicked out of it so now I’m sitting really worried that I’ve messed everything up. What should I do? And will she be annoyed?",2.2621739130434837,3.018137246376813,4.24272463768116,89.22365217391304,75.08695652173913,8.128695652173914,27.56811594202899,8.548686976883017,1.7313455072463777,492,19,116,9,10,169,77,138,0.175,0.805,0.02,-0.9676,3,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,2,5,0,14,0,0,0,0,14,24,13,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,11,0,18,17,2,21,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,12,73,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319611725897991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123432671431297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907476383424712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337916136968104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812428291288285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431811004790758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28610308080315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490413392159072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316105430556968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052607592330826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111929083396969,0.0,0.1301158849530364,0.0,0.34048363945919025,0.17284548356791307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680525490143988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192400689068795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776469160417662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118115968629106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TiredOfTheGamee,2019/06/19,"Spiraling and not sure what to do. May be triggering I (34f) don't have any friends, I don't work (stay at home mom, not my idea) I don't have any acquaintances, only family is my mom (I'm an only child and my dad died years ago) and I found out she has been talking bad about me behind my back to her friends. Told them how poorly I turned out. Even though she never wanted to talk about my issues or my mental state, my mom was my go to person. I am completely hurt by this. I was pretty depressed before I found out and now, I just feel hopeless.

I am married but my husband gave up on me a long time ago. He wants nothing to do with my mental illness. He's dealt with it enough and tired of it. He told me he is getting to where he doesn't even want to talk to me at all because I am so negative and that I look like I hate life constantly. Last night, I tried to talk to him. I told him how I feel like I have no purpose in life and how I would love to maybe finish my degree or get a job to be around other adults. He said that my only purpose in life was to raise the kids. That pissed me off and I just took a handful of sleeping pills and slept on the couch last night. I love my kids, but I don't want to sit home with kids 24/7. I have for the last 6 years. It's a very lonely life. 


I have no one. I am so depressed and feeling very impulsive right now. I just feel like I am totally alone. I've got no one who really cares about me. The 2 people I thought were on my side, don't really care. Im seeing all these posts about being positive and happy with life but I feel like I have no future and no purpose. There's nothing to be hopeful for or excited about. What's the point of going on? I don't know what to do. 


Seeing a therapist is out of the question right now because I have no child care for my 2 kids. They are under 6.",1.697062818336164,2.737801598997496,3.3885746624626094,93.69277225321369,76.86967418546368,6.551895868704019,21.392271000080846,6.968188349444268,0.2747200420405851,1414,34,340,14,31,472,180,399,0.18899999999999997,0.7040000000000001,0.106,-0.9838,1,3,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,2,1,23,23,2,0,12,0,38,14,4,4,5,59,75,24,1,6,11,5,6,4,2,2,8,1,3,8,13,21,0,0,11,0,1,3,17,8,0,2,16,10,59,15,50,53,4,47,0,5,3,2,41,21,1,6,23,223,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337694852537252,0.0,0.0,0.07791748270333036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232044258311956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697227495456938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057848630186996014,0.06281543203181429,0.091721245351669,0.0,0.06401674259283531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301115807469699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887913791082912,0.08129887699603891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959412249030852,0.0,0.07807875751278208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773458669237024,0.0,0.09937982270550473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092186981771144,0.0,0.1901973577103321,0.16123689395628096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649756275550256,0.11624784384480008,0.0,0.07861104770803358,0.0,0.08551196053740892,0.0,0.06016976357780555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008567739767475,0.0,0.074275852594959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092731042913565,0.07472217796698623,0.0,0.0,0.08053722540344488,0.08492757397651231,0.08126328161216241,0.07852248019857261,0.0746559785553479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134544392762191,0.18397193703332093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656923168394696,0.14701787974107652,0.0,0.0,0.0665777983452466,0.06317578597634589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579931989846694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558048076965522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163197120146987,0.0,0.0,0.26433181504767445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802342188195981,0.0,0.0,0.14119994416909545,0.0,0.14437393156328454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195806423116173,0.17165158058349742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215627537657479,0.06568952838257709,0.0,0.0,0.07111839237034916,0.0,0.07205129303210675,0.07653781307592414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427686240657697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639086794075684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849513619207678,0.07156269416429194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990004958601988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528615723410774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018711629320006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090510539893832,0.0,0.0,0.2418739670969369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873499481409684,0.0,0.0,0.07391488678655417,0.05972566613671337,0.04386828256941458,0.08646791660421091,0.0,0.21566170036292415,0.08358532650090149,0.05107747130988383,0.08183062300914581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414827024869587,0.1774947199709726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054769665123097125,0.0,0.0,0.053442530477364816,0.0,0.0,0.0968936583690016
bpd,throwawayaeaye,2019/06/19,"my best friend is moving away i just need some advice because ive been crying for 2 days straight and i dont know how to cope at this point
before we became friends she's tried to get to know me but i kept cutting her off because i couldnt trust her or anyone
we've been best friends for a year now, it feels like such a short time but i still managed to get attached to her
she's my only irl friend and one of the only people that know about my disorder 
i just dont know what to do and i already miss her so much
she's moving on friday, the 21st by the way",2.171792114695343,2.9157195483871017,3.3913978494623684,95.28765232974912,75.29032258064517,5.833691756272402,21.842293906810035,5.033348758259628,-0.16466200716845816,440,10,106,1,9,143,79,124,0.09699999999999999,0.7070000000000001,0.195,0.9312,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,2,8,10,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,19,18,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,1,20,8,15,14,4,15,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,2,6,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420708898232194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043861705195525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165825422179517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365962531541641,0.0,0.0,0.17725362568582806,0.0,0.12371397363468045,0.0,0.3051502243759747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970123787191115,0.09376284882822396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662656226507894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407859124805653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351224053001214,0.10386479140681128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44930379478925897,0.0,0.15191783726644528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31960446300799084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102894243540346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090476064359039,0.10687647139578184,0.10780291884394692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985182684970658,0.2211473462989009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079332086389003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743809138503302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610656968912447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477656521371749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870850472895401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540175511236092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362472230953517
bpd,Halarikyie,2019/06/19,"Just Diagnosed with BPD Or rather, I was diagnosed out of the blue a month and a half ago, but it's only now sunk into my head that I **actually** have it.  

I've never been really upset by a diagnosis before.  Maybe it's because no one ever sat down and *said* ""oh, you have depression/anxiety/etc.""; it's always just been assumed, or said by me.  But BPD is a whole other can of alligators that's being shoved down my throat.  If that makes sense.  

I can't pinpoint why I'm so upset.  Is it the stigma?  The work it requires to improve; the feeling that it's my fault; that even if it's not my fault, that it was caused by some insignificant trauma I had when I was a preteen?  My new therapist is like no one I've ever had in my ten years of therapy.  She's down to business, doesn't chat, doesn't smile at my jokes, or let me brush things off as unimportant; she's quiet most of the time, and makes me work to figure things out.  I'm really not used to therapy like that (and I thought I wouldn't miss the small talk!) - it's so **intense** that I'm either an emotional wasteland or emotional wreck afterwards.  

And it's scary how accurate it is.  I'm reading a book on BPD (homework), along with some articles and videos, and the similarities are...well, it doesn't feel good to know all of me can be summed up so easily.  

But at the same time, there are so many things that *aren't* true for me, or that I think aren't true for me but maybe they are???  What if I'm just not seeing it?  I question reality very, very easily.  But I know I'm not particularly angry, and I'm not obvious about my fear of abandonment in relationships.  I don't yell, throw, argue, push or pull; my efforts to avoid being abandoned aren't desperate (unless I'm outside in public, then my agoraphobia murders all my self control).  I'm terrified of not having someone there to look after me, but I'd understand if they left me because I always see myself as a bad person; I'd deserve it.  And oftentimes I love being alone, or don't mind it, so long as I'm in a safe space.    

I often feel suicidal and like hurting myself, but I hate telling other people that because I don't want to worry them - and I don't want to be dismissed as an attention seeker.  I do crave attention, but not at the expense of worrying someone or scaring them.  I'm terrible at talking to people, and usually pushed to the side, so I do have a habit of acting weird or being a smart ass to get some form of attention.    

I don't know how to deny that I am something; when someone says I'm something, I tend to believe it (e.g. selfish).  So my therapist kind of scares me because she holds so much power over how I see myself.  I don't know how to fight against it; I don't know what's real and what's not, I can't tell if my brain is telling the truth or failing to remember, I feel like other people know better.  How do I stand up to that?  I think one way when around one person and another around someone else and then a completely different way when I'm by myself - I can't seem to control it.  Although, my basic values don't change, and my stubbornness keeps some things steady; I certainly don't blindly follow people.  And I don't seek friends; if they happen, they happen.",3.355634223918578,4.455193493129773,5.026836832061068,83.32737993002547,72.84732824427482,8.267493638676845,26.775604325699746,8.72156446121922,1.882400127226464,2498,86,518,46,48,849,273,655,0.184,0.701,0.115,-0.9951,2,2,2,0,1,1,109.0,0,1,6,9,33,39,5,6,24,0,51,8,4,11,10,126,100,66,2,10,38,0,4,4,1,1,3,5,1,3,42,25,0,10,22,5,1,6,31,23,0,6,11,16,70,16,67,81,12,54,0,5,6,2,29,25,1,25,24,355,112,7,0.0,0.0,0.0672050420537337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061047152682453136,0.0,0.0,0.07132627512943507,0.0,0.0,0.11460705902845635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221389681224619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226138921258968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750173943034756,0.16792469556740278,0.0,0.058601428545273476,0.07759043154239302,0.0,0.060907975837967435,0.0,0.0,0.2602097635631222,0.07687924481373129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074620484913835,0.07285300470753339,0.0,0.07220658185303486,0.0,0.15448219546368736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979874207994147,0.0,0.07195219704026476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753021301869784,0.15493401948685664,0.0,0.0,0.07680580544171964,0.04548653479730766,0.1245897422993193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749542548548681,0.139286523067911,0.04919917268173283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320709425924137,0.0,0.035980584988769736,0.0,0.0,0.05776304628345125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179914264105166,0.0,0.0,0.06799269835028911,0.07067823489773392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372440815573099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121286816076452,0.0,0.07171521982919236,0.22708766299536606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482507016067076,0.07042199515960866,0.0,0.13458132084790794,0.0,0.0,0.060945839079092005,0.05783161025907415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062155881564781475,0.0,0.0919395873955613,0.06982114366300816,0.13837393043913074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953684967364311,0.0,0.054969623829258345,0.0,0.05062575970735088,0.0,0.0531150957335414,0.06651295389914744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666642424025898,0.05237706797124076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909770551187043,0.12026541956900935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714770121545679,0.0,0.068886440246951,0.07838663762469449,0.08823695694693694,0.0,0.0,0.07393824805464684,0.07801379654952773,0.0,0.131018103662318,0.054766441606744834,0.13789737106070726,0.0,0.1646361694723968,0.06269466194116004,0.07184413870768863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340586616297865,0.10603559963897688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533019948666989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107066638015672,0.18058048756126047,0.0,0.15751267070469546,0.15992165602594088,0.18301083452480488,0.08825541562653533,0.0,0.054673343482821726,0.08031474024681567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169381234406261,0.0,0.05947967075509328,0.07584815614080248,0.11364630084774875,0.08124002978172773,0.10932811399601496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062142481084582736,0.07688844335437972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027316252479694,0.13987719504082033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434860762531733
bpd,incoherent-panic,2019/06/19,"Informal diagnosis? I've been referred to a dbt program for those with bpd and eating disorders, my parents have been given information about bpd, the psychiatrist in the hospital keep mentioning bpd, but they say they don't ""know"" if I even have it... I understand that they're treating the symptoms and I don't even really want a diagnosis but has anyone gone through something similar?",8.628913043478262,9.241574173913042,8.923007246376812,61.81320652173915,60.88405797101449,13.2768115942029,41.88768115942029,12.602617957971056,5.9673159420289865,314,17,49,11,4,104,51,69,0.033,0.9670000000000001,0.0,-0.2543,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,13,13,5,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,6,1,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889454307735627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.750544898852586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276600204039005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032595346242132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624012734273765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656142226597402,0.0,0.0,0.10916800655981893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056754086907945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272546368359725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796745215626432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529236976277092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646426129132286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679249078629425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171637241823108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elephantbush,2019/06/19,Why do I say these things When I’m splitting I will say things like I hate you. Knowing I don’t really mean it. Knowing I love him to death. Then for some reason except him to know I don’t really mean it. For some reason except him to know I love him even though I’ve said these shit things. How can I except him to trust me when I don’t trust my own feelings?,-0.28781997187060426,1.7428999367088631,1.5751054852320685,99.40403656821381,87.60759493670885,4.5237693389592115,13.841068917018285,5.82211442006289,-1.07545682137834,281,4,68,2,9,92,40,79,0.131,0.665,0.204,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,6,3,1,3,0,15,18,5,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,17,5,9,16,3,3,0,0,0,2,11,0,1,2,4,48,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891089705702065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103070545911886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777465087236946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957683717124961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795562060538999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32497580513324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922200647293073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306690485634228,0.3702103028760532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712537601140602,0.2863408579747178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848025283083714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588201860419571,0.0,0.17688269619282454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245287103193554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MissMavenMoon,2019/06/19,"Intern magically stopped talking to me Hey everyone,

This might be all over the place, but ill try to make it as cohesive as possible. So, a few months ago I had a very weird conversation with a coworker. We were having a company holiday party and when I left, one of my coworkers wanted to talk to me about my indifference towards him. He told me that he believes that I am nicer to white people than i am to   
 him because he was a black male, which I whole heartedly disagree with. I, myself, am black, my mother is black, my father is black, my nephew is black, my brother is black, and most of my friends are people of color. So, obviously his idea of me is incredibly skewed. I try my best to be nice to everyone regardless of race, background, etc. I also mentioned to him that I have BPD and sometimes I just act weird around certain people (Usually people who are super popular and outgoing - he's an ex football player so obviously people in the office flock to him) . He told me that he ""didn't believe"" that I had BPD, despite the fact that I have been formally diagnosed and all. So after that talk with him, I basically have written him off as a dickhole and any further conversation with him is futile because he thinks im racist against my own race and when i tried to be open and candid with him about my BPD, he vehemently denied it. So I just completely ignore him now. 

However, my fear is that he is spreading these horrific false narratives about me amongst his friends in the office. I have no proof that he is, but i cant help but to freak out about it. 

Anyway, I have a new male intern in the office, who is also a black male, who has taken a liking to the coworker who i had this conversation with. Initially, he was fine and talking to me and it was cool, then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me out of nowhere. I don't know if  its because my coworker is telling the intern that im racist or if its just my normal weirdness that has turned him off (because thats also happened before where i just act weird around people and they think i dont like them so they stop talking to me).  Maybe someone can help me figure this out?",6.109013725490192,5.854099684705883,6.8922500000000015,77.18904166666667,66.27058823529411,10.095098039215683,33.23774509803921,9.725611199111238,3.010186274509804,1686,66,331,32,24,561,191,425,0.154,0.735,0.111,-0.9569,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,3,2,24,18,0,1,18,1,41,3,1,1,8,57,52,32,0,5,10,5,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,3,27,24,0,4,5,1,0,2,5,7,0,1,13,10,62,11,51,35,9,32,0,0,9,0,58,17,0,5,15,246,89,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684374982830833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797327164535515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895086504159519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543415349935855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137698859271026,0.0,0.07376516867442418,0.1953355545189218,0.09097378861421572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275417950799064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089079945683898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879865734163143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159778066068656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966801208473341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656683450772212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975481873793718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339499865494485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665798022633763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272578866801006,0.11621038145466728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786028725848048,0.1872759978833812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764150004691607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418684933957427,0.0,0.0,0.08470283130643433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057864964561836964,0.0,0.08708982504666929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091962350526187,0.0,0.0,0.0691935960332819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372388498369691,0.0,0.0,0.0849359098684182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058742084500962674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605915853969124,0.0,0.09057058988024648,0.0,0.0,0.09772778172901796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345052635453565,0.0,0.08573672479159637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174253420980145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41805955578692267,0.07576920025635625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109243890007303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656683450772212,0.0,0.17656654184674134,0.09429173470126592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547466964986843,0.07152674226006292,0.05113087384324295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678414219489502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mandy901,2019/06/19,"Asking for help for my (possibly) BPD sister Sorry if this is too long or if I’m doing this wrong. I have no idea if this is the right place to post this. I’ve been reading through some of these posts and I am blown away by the courage and clarity, vulnerability and pain that I’m seeing. But the thing that is resonating, as I suspected it would, is that I’m almost positive that my sister has BPD. She has been struggling with depression and anxiety for almost 10 years, in and out of abusive and unstable relationships, she’s been fired from 3 different jobs, all for being “unprofessional” — she’s a hilarious and zany person. She’s funny and unpredictable and incredibly smart so there were times when she would be, in my words, used as a prop at a work function, to be the life of the party. When it got down to business they would call her unhinged behind her back. I think the cycle of these work and personal/romantic relationships became ingrained in her personality. She would come home and fall into a deep depression when no one found her funny enough to laugh or love her enough. She does tell me often that she is tired of living and wants to die and we’ve had one episode of self-harm. Because her job situation has never been stable, she has also accumulated a lot of debt and  continues to spend impulsively. Her apartment has an entire bedroom full of clothes with tags still attached. But every 3 months her electric bill is shut off. She just recently within the last 4 months has had a job in retail (which she hates and believes that because she is unable to control her complaints to her colleagues, she believes she will be fired from this job as well.) but she currently has insurance, but only just recently. Getting her to agree to see doctors, especially mental health professionals is next to impossible but I’ve begged her to find someone to talk to. I hurt for her. I’ve cared for her our whole lives, as my parents took very little interest in us as children, though we were raised in a loving home. But she relies on me for everything. Her episodes have become more of a daily thing and they’ve become strange. I’ve noticed that she has absolutely no joy or expression on her face when she reacts. I think of it as a line graph. She’s flat until she dips and within 5 minutes she’s bawling. And she does not show sadness for other people. Nor does she smile when she greets them or when someone says something funny. 

It’s important to me to love her completely and to help her but with boundaries for me and my husband and son. In researching how to do this, it has led me to believe she has BPD. But she often has a lot of anger, resentment and envy directed at me, as well as EXTREME neediness and need for approval, I don’t know how to help her receive the proper diagnosis and care she needs. 

I just want to help her and love her. People tell me all the time that she has to want to help herself but I don’t think she knows how to do that and I’m scared for her. Any resources or advice from you who struggle with this would be so appreciated. Maybe there are those on this thread who have been in her shoes and you can help me understand what’s the best way to show her love. I ask her a lot what I can do for her or is there anything she needs and often her response is “You can’t do anything for me because you don’t understand because you have everything.” 

BPD is not on her radar at all and I don’t believe I am the one who can tell her about it. Any words that come out of my mouth are hyper-analyzed and she would consider it a judgement that I am passing rather than something for her to look into. She will see a therapist for depression because she acknowledges that she struggles with that. But is there anything that can be said or done, BY ANYONE, to look at the BPD factors? (Also knowing that she is often compelled to downplay her issues or flat out lie to doctors to hide the the uncomfortable truths.) 

Thank you and bless you.",5.960860921711984,6.284559893178897,6.226301377365206,79.86823379610614,66.54182754182753,9.289728634409485,31.07502943673156,9.138037386147262,2.4737178947944907,3155,113,617,52,47,1012,323,777,0.10099999999999999,0.754,0.145,0.9939,8,0,2,0,0,0,69.0,3,7,2,5,32,32,3,4,28,0,72,14,3,8,5,121,114,76,1,16,27,5,2,0,0,8,6,2,3,3,42,44,0,1,13,3,4,7,12,14,2,3,14,9,108,18,106,86,13,65,1,5,5,5,114,33,0,21,22,462,150,11,0.0,0.06363218709209573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248035310209603,0.0,0.0,0.10755651917035733,0.0,0.0,0.0858964725323864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304310769954016,0.0,0.04108452923918628,0.0,0.0,0.037552105740598515,0.0,0.13258505059674658,0.0,0.10041470917238317,0.0,0.0504580467319789,0.04129618303387517,0.0,0.1636917470601125,0.11862692037969158,0.0,0.2420306459660548,0.05636056599758716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382007286526003,0.0,0.05483927840609221,0.0,0.10951258973662344,0.0,0.0,0.0925249952751626,0.056309152112855476,0.0,0.060235239086636215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876929977014188,0.0,0.055737787582569545,0.05611077417070851,0.0,0.10993962623756184,0.14099402760853655,0.054959330831204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098419131910152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524916561783455,0.0,0.09653400744324507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908581669202748,0.0,0.0,0.0588852639173835,0.0,0.0,0.028058885786420937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042953161756501115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302302221925507,0.0,0.057086391678928,0.0,0.0,0.21598582317007373,0.0,0.1077419087737216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749280476564779,0.060626926311306464,0.0,0.05605454621954084,0.21317752520872976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854534746281917,0.04377711716633646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03793375404544511,0.0,0.05382697898259711,0.09484580868984926,0.04752764132132871,0.09019811921405088,0.0,0.0,0.13697538249094188,0.2423563683476596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395435220441203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054122471148252055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573437020154577,0.0,0.0,0.11946575234532587,0.0414209609206582,0.0,0.057116365064134214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611440211814189,0.0,0.0,0.10917662705216856,0.04084542173206343,0.05714639503496057,0.0,0.059633556755692166,0.0,0.0,0.07446520643112484,0.0937870707993236,0.05611077417070851,0.0,0.0,0.06054483578004381,0.1028699685805219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371999259393915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605532363987233,0.1153191288057672,0.0,0.04586416865877279,0.05108619006280557,0.04270873668262968,0.05376853358620714,0.0,0.12838889298163614,0.0,0.05602650660215811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036718623711946,0.0,0.0,0.09100892248683252,0.08269017250534813,0.0,0.060118864569786726,0.0,0.0,0.04288924903856349,0.0,0.0,0.16843381977647856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431664137252551,0.14082281534108165,0.04944477121457256,0.0,0.06235617740244806,0.07135904134426724,0.1032368690449717,0.05276534092162242,0.0,0.06263217021776722,0.06172652488231326,0.0,0.0,0.05966874117796098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181855396642518,0.06460105475940123,0.046384273319958286,0.0,0.0443126282762148,0.0950306137730562,0.042628893677193684,0.0,0.0,0.0965753150555986,0.0,0.0,0.05996022719056974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819642775693246,0.0,0.0,0.2289049037032675,0.05871848873878637,0.0,0.034584554879637706
bpd,HenbieZombie,2019/06/19,"There is hope. Just wanted to give hope to you all.


Today my doctor told me that I do not fill in enough criteria to be diagnosed as BPD / EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder).


I was diagnosed immediately when I turned 18 (in my country, doctors can't diagnose personality disorders before tje patient is 18, and thus be seen as an adult development wise) . I'm 27 now. At first I didn't care about getting better. I thought that I was broken beyond help. 6 years ago I finally realized that the diagnosis does not define me. That with enough work, I can become the person I want to be. So I started to take my treatment seriously, I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to be confronted. I learned to take in criticism. Ofc I had set backs, sometimes huge ones. But I have managed to overcome those issues. I have learned that I have worth as well.


I am not broken. Not fully healed yet, but well on my way there!


So friends, there is hope for you all.",3.3581609566903694,5.6980110604395655,5.183096315449259,76.97072721396252,75.75824175824175,8.458177117000648,28.837750484809302,9.168548406835145,2.807331221719456,751,33,138,19,17,256,115,182,0.08199999999999999,0.78,0.138,0.8994,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,0,3,14,11,1,0,3,0,19,6,0,2,2,22,35,9,0,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,6,2,2,2,7,1,26,9,21,23,4,20,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,3,10,100,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848725804344422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410680541041994,0.0,0.0,0.13516504059771742,0.10414094713598147,0.0,0.0,0.10823992604550596,0.0,0.0,0.15414010604740336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478005490097815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726557637765506,0.0,0.0,0.2805285046221082,0.2505332515778921,0.1071002737250866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766708366572092,0.0,0.2529136333866985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406720532837058,0.0,0.1041009445714462,0.0,0.0,0.0945546435993454,0.0,0.06394131153888702,0.11740321160268093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203234269779988,0.0,0.0,0.3646689008392108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277385435144104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293150312815803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205865883955403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210422735362034,0.0,0.08662500426133878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403715448633168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716032381349048,0.0,0.0,0.11600703328473605,0.116944478517639,0.0,0.0,0.13312015325587104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437214001171045,0.09714382074610582,0.0,0.0,0.22007831508137268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909801669412379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881217432599713
bpd,Dissociated_duck,2019/06/19,"Coming to terms with my diagnosis So I'm freshly diagnosed. Well not that freshly. I got the diagnosis 3 years ago but I burned it 'cause ""nah, I don't have that shit"". I went to the psychiatrist again yesterday, my father came to get me and was told I would be ""testing them"". Yesterday night I told my mom about how cruel I was in high school. I'm laughing at my idiocy right now. I need help, I'm getting it and I'll stop pulling shit on people. Christ I feel bad. I need to embrace this fully and stop myself from doing this.",0.9941666666666648,3.2878200833333366,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,84.27777777777777,6.192592592592592,21.037037037037038,7.492282038375204,0.7807259259259256,411,13,88,7,12,138,73,108,0.177,0.7170000000000001,0.107,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,2,0,7,3,2,2,0,16,21,6,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,4,1,0,7,1,17,2,10,12,1,19,1,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,10,52,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430495439040024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476267539644864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199536102817496,0.0,0.1904094040469913,0.0,0.15966588081262562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813019880517948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372044728651427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936794138875199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824436110789924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423874073858733,0.1958364595344028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708412283390385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274874978643093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394197905357642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850098224118658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829112695145514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875879346579384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38052601098466615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30992814203323465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542269858337697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665532051368026,0.1718248236180616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167001689082128,0.0,0.0,0.11936176599518858
bpd,poopielilslut,2019/06/19,"My FP the pedophile Long post? Throwaway cause I'm trashy. I guess I'll just made this my BPD account.

​

We dated for two months. He was always cold. I loved that of course. He couldn't keep it up in bed, would go to the bathroom to wank after. Told me the meds he was on made it hard to keep an erection. Sounded fair.

​

We broke up. He told me he wasn't falling in love with me. I was head over heels with him so I didn't take it so well.

I told a mutual friend in the community we met that I was in love with him. I told her I was going to try him again. So I did. and he flat out told me he didn't find me attractive. It really didn't stop me, I asked him to give me a chance and I'd do anything. I was being pretty obsessive, you know how we get. So then he told me. He was into kids. 10 year olds in particular he mentioned. He said he was never going to act on it, never watched child porn, etc, never hurt a kid. I guess he thought it'd scare me off. I used it against him. I told him to just settle for me. I'd keep his secret, I'd take care of him, he just needed to stay with me. That didn't go over well  cause he blocked me on all forms of media and told me to leave him alone. So I went nuts. I wasn't diagnosed. I pretty much stalked him. Threatened to kill myself. Made so many fake accounts to message him begging him to forgive me.

​

Is this the point I mention I have a (at the time) 5 year old?

​

I honestly think my head was so warped I would have offered her up if he'd talk to me again. What a sick thing to do when you yourself were molested as a child. Full fucked.

​

I then found out he was dating the mutual friend in my community that I had confided to.

​

I told her he was a pedophile, but she already knew. He had told her, and she accepted he was virtulent and would never act on it. She believed he really loved her. I swung a bit from the next few months between trying to get her to leave him and wanting to be her best friend so she'd repair our friendship. In the end she got sick of me and cut me off. And with her went my community group, which she has informed I am crazy, while they are blissfully unaware of my ex being a pedophile.

​

I was so hurt, I wanted to shout out to everyone what he is so I could take them from him like they took them from me (though truth is I lost them because of erratic behaviour).

​

So now, I find out his new girlfriend got her friends to verbally attack my friends and say they turned her against me, which is a bit true but she shouldn't be causing problems. So I make another account to message her because I'm blocked of course and tell her I'm done with keeping his dirty secret and I'm outing him.

​

And I did. I had hacked his twitter page which has been inactive since 2015 and wrote that he's a pedophile as the bio. I guess future employers will see it and shit. He already had two status's joking about raping kids so it's not too unbelievable.

​

I feel like we are truly the accumulation of the worst two people coming together. Fire and the flood.",0.9217940199335536,3.1401701550387635,2.3831063122923624,94.38854651162794,83.88372093023256,5.360132890365449,21.46234772978959,6.6770525081376135,0.3366673311184938,2430,79,538,27,70,786,268,645,0.126,0.7509999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.2519,1,1,0,0,0,1,111.0,6,2,6,2,26,38,7,2,25,0,55,14,4,10,7,90,119,39,1,11,7,1,3,2,6,5,3,4,1,5,23,32,0,7,13,1,3,11,13,16,2,3,53,10,115,22,72,52,11,66,0,4,2,7,119,26,2,4,29,349,138,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038842808979665334,0.08277314118402533,0.0,0.0312063127752373,0.406355427988546,0.455714363839007,0.0,0.03932618932455332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030862577060516164,0.0,0.03506115530250481,0.042666187445197006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572415187149801,0.0,0.0,0.042254138542659136,0.03935810945757237,0.0,0.08188925764563282,0.0,0.04723494543156157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038237803484982416,0.1155807442350503,0.0,0.032306354870150836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029943873457399357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806574662951755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038379588996002315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03321739135187853,0.0,0.041826847454016006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035836656681709586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018963137354189037,0.026792848259160926,0.0,0.0,0.06855591004042995,0.0,0.0,0.0411211743827703,0.14487739580710735,0.034671821883582934,0.03918855953599736,0.03597723159628078,0.08525749635105412,0.0,0.059990712017816014,0.0,0.12394457483813767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033596196354489787,0.0,0.07697979944054703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029756489975902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334102983795315,0.041492593249473936,0.0,0.020611204635226744,0.0,0.0,0.07942259179695166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03664509697471248,0.0,0.0,0.033189838964093735,0.0,0.0,0.040940020567763004,0.0,0.13539521194411386,0.10646150793441506,0.0250341954938375,0.038023145623719584,0.0,0.0,0.04165846315354897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059870632363999435,0.0,0.027569737942919042,0.027808723315753917,0.1157015146954262,0.03622157414346297,0.03988590441247688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870822884230412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026000535069346204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035453380088013145,0.0,0.03591844236857505,0.0763100539155992,0.0,0.03588624042610882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805201529754933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035674869914335584,0.029824667360890886,0.03754802303351058,0.0,0.02988581356288549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849729286440461,0.031023676862833912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039974248817381916,0.0,0.031355003616966984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459496855609099,0.030144275633466444,0.03278012845929114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02491597547241929,0.02403103375566414,0.03684746642977723,0.029773968054957026,0.02186887025852187,0.0,0.0,0.358366566817096,0.041668297770080624,0.05092547634805338,0.040793556823870564,0.10990780630967004,0.0,0.0,0.03239139412679118,0.0,0.0,0.0442416339923479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744115772401063,0.06953312378391642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992524645435567,0.0,0.455714363839007,0.048302662416572335
bpd,pocketbunnieee,2019/06/19,"Fighting with bf makes me suicidal We’ve been fighting a lot recently. It mostly has to do with how my BPD traits fucked up our whole relationship. He says he’s sick of me and I turned him into a monster. He lashes out at me for things he didn’t use to. I’m really insecure and paranoid so this is mostly what he lashes out at me for. Just last night we fought because I asked him suspiciously about a female friend.... I wasn’t rude or anything I just wanted reassurance... And he snapped, and I went into a spiral of cutting, and he just went on and on as I bled everywhere and tried to look for something to OD on. Please if anyone has any advice...",2.1963636363636354,4.137960757575762,3.8969696969696974,86.71545454545458,77.78787878787878,6.824242424242425,23.12121212121212,7.793537801064563,1.1079121212121217,508,16,105,8,12,170,86,132,0.23,0.753,0.017,-0.9813,0,0,1,0,4,0,18.0,2,0,0,0,6,9,6,1,4,0,7,2,0,3,0,26,18,12,2,2,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,14,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,6,2,15,2,23,12,4,15,0,0,1,1,20,10,1,5,3,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817915969174651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791467520242795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180630122380394,0.0,0.1668916230030822,0.0,0.18959573924512346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362833313159005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554263919723201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668700429842658,0.1874903905554854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653135274618644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030551830359775,0.0,0.0,0.17241795958512235,0.0,0.0,0.1353742271214312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903191967026776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261950650650766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992237825525935,0.0,0.20024593659743,0.21773717869857911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127905105351845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612956023747632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183626930010567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473494378461665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376916027340583,0.22059411607315574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515881212877155,0.0,0.0,0.1196199216742885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760054080389213,0.0,0.2264250664708033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TouchofWrath,2019/06/19,"I Didn't Always Used to Be This Way I didn't always used to have BPD.  Some people don't know that while BPD can be hereditary, it can also be be something that develops conditionally.  

**I used to be positive and lively.  I used to be so happy and confident with all the friends I had. I used to have dreams I was sure I could achieve.  I used to not be suicidal or want to hurt myself in response to stress. It used to take me a lot to snap.  Though, I'll admit, I always apologized a lot even at a young age.**

But then my mom, who has borderline and bipolar disorders along with being an alcoholic at the time, became extremely abusive.  Our relationship became complicated; she would act like I was a burden one day, and then I was her rock the next.  I stayed for years, despite the abuse.  After she kicked me out (for being mad she ruined my 16th birthday with her drunken attitude), she told me she wished I was never born.  The next week she apologized, and when I was too scared to move back in with her, she moved to another state; while I was finally free, I felt abandoned by someone I had stood by despite the terrible treatment.

That's when the self-harm began during stressful situations.  That's when I became even more apologetic than I was.  That's when I would do anything to keep my friends, and would freak out if I felt like I disappointed them to the point of them wanting to leave.  Two years later, I ended up in the hospital due to having a suicide plan.  After that hospital visit, I changed even more... every other year after that, there was at least one attempt due to hopelessness, stress, or heartbreak over the fear of being abandoned. The last attempt was in 2016, after the break-up of my five year relationship (yet another abandonment)...

**Now here I am:**

**-Constantly afraid I'm pissing people off, and they're going to abandon me at any minute.  I shut myself away from everyone now (rather than try to overpelase) when I feel that way; they can't leave me if I don't talk.**

**-I feel hopeless and useless to the world. I feel there is no point of me being here and I will achieve nothing.**

**-I still self-harm, contemplate suicide, binge shop (with money I dont' have), and drive recklessly when under extreme stress, anger, or sadness.**

**-Terrible body image issues due to years of being a healthy weight, but being told I was fat by my mom... followed by actually getting fat.  Even when I lost all the weight and became healthy... I still just see a disgusting blob.** 

**-Rather than apologize, I get extremely mad and defensive; after years of giving in and being trampled on, there is now this ""instinct"" to fight back so I can save myself... even over the dumbest things.** 

**-My anger can be explosive**

​

Im sad. I'm mad. I miss the old me.  Why did this have to happen to me? I didn't ask for this... I didn't ask to be born...

​

I guess I shared my story for two reasons; to show others with BPD they aren't alone, and for others to understand how this transformation can slowly buildup over time...",1.7038271430588914,4.391388484536087,2.867425034128889,88.70466388928119,85.97594501718214,5.938181989361201,22.5774137362896,7.357864514023983,1.1200982158828787,2366,85,456,40,73,757,269,582,0.151,0.76,0.08800000000000001,-0.9895,1,1,2,0,2,7,147.0,1,0,4,6,34,44,9,7,24,0,58,8,4,9,4,73,96,37,3,11,11,2,7,2,2,4,4,0,0,0,20,23,5,6,9,4,3,7,12,35,0,5,24,8,77,10,77,51,8,85,0,15,1,0,35,23,1,9,53,331,97,2,0.0,0.1448189148773804,0.05963792180210395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531170356842664,0.0,0.06329511430412499,0.0,0.0488724123450729,0.15255388469610665,0.13243281800809786,0.14851908760935378,0.04155924886335165,0.12816558399503825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029117085193013,0.0,0.1142656718605751,0.0,0.057418107945758724,0.09398495775240094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788327765941038,0.23091079266215994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464993793653619,0.0,0.0,0.06604193993091279,0.0,0.048794125424517006,0.0,0.0,0.03941312628278853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004132044507205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162452064889044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054128386636576334,0.0,0.0,0.2018243216871705,0.0,0.05149072633946652,0.058396530542730994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876963370440256,0.09270240576781463,0.0,0.1173570120518655,0.06694680886157361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443221608916527,0.0,0.06385852157457256,0.05862560010592181,0.034732188007106785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732336681986698,0.0,0.05404243135941009,0.06505641518617028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542322352811636,0.0,0.06601302454744562,0.0637865750685964,0.0,0.05432045175621397,0.0,0.0,0.033586359678965415,0.049815627076538915,0.0,0.12942066133140984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059713899757209435,0.0,0.053964305341462085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667125614629561,0.103912957491898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315069282001042,0.0,0.12990787387621794,0.0,0.0,0.047134468323604316,0.0,0.12998971728500766,0.0,0.0,0.058640013664375136,0.0,0.06412829648670518,0.0,0.08282412503378864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847367573258785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554394772598213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283481590735336,0.0,0.1312259711746617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118523536864059,0.0,0.048699515694781335,0.0,0.12750933546809984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869409024404198,0.0,0.0,0.051781236827626975,0.04704812768699978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513881757218684,0.09761057712319364,0.0,0.28002105044812164,0.0,0.0,0.20054462027109105,0.0,0.05759871334729357,0.0,0.04594971669114484,0.04912068467638786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040601067660970734,0.0,0.060043664728550536,0.0,0.0712715006497013,0.0,0.0,0.11679306108546199,0.0,0.04149202814000275,0.0,0.1193979417044404,0.06362126774433552,0.0,0.3694768564134911,0.0,0.0,0.07209260488892294,0.09701804081980496,0.04902153176908919,0.1488394618453523,0.0,0.0,0.05514539258152541,0.0,0.07027746362421647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023974689271786,0.0,0.14851908760935378,0.23613038957489285
bpd,cryaoticsgir,2019/06/19,"Vent/Self awareness vs. Self control Multiple triggers *suicidal ideality - especially at the end*

I feel like no one around me understands the complexity of BPD, how tired it can make you. The depth of every emotion felt and how badly it can get out of control. I was misdiagnosed so many times, and I lost touch with the one therapist that had gone through the worst of things with me. I have some minor lasting brain damage from a suicide attempt when I was 14. It has scrambled my memory and I feel like my past is either lost or distorted beyond repair. Therapy just doesn't seem like a feasible idea considering I can't even recall things correctly. My brain feels like mush and when I try to explain things that I feel have lead to where I am now, o get all mixed up and forget where I was going and I can't get closure on a certain emotion. I'm just left with a chest full of residual feelings that I don't know how to unpack. I feel like my BPD is going to ruin my life. Sometimes I just sit and feel a hundred emotions at once and it feels like I'm sinking into a tar pit. Sometimes, especially when I'm upset, specifically with my significant other, I turn into this horrible manipulative, depressing witch. And I'm aware but I can't stop until the damage is done. I'm so afraid that I'm going to hurt everyone at some point, that everything has become a whirlwind cycle ending with guilt that just repeats itself. I don't know how to begin to solve things or get better. I'm 19 and my life has been turned upside down, I don't have a permanent home, and some days I just want to quit. I tried to quit before and it just left me fucked up, and hurt everyone I didn't know I was going to hurt. But I feel like there's just nowhere to go now.",3.9050427350427377,5.2086670968660975,5.173005698005699,82.01967948717952,71.76353276353277,8.24900284900285,26.89031339031339,8.730908602173464,1.925846723646723,1385,47,276,25,26,461,174,351,0.162,0.757,0.081,-0.9840000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,0,10,24,26,1,3,14,0,27,7,3,10,3,73,68,27,2,2,13,0,11,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,18,22,0,3,18,0,0,7,9,16,0,2,12,11,35,10,36,56,7,42,0,9,0,1,3,19,1,6,22,179,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633180633022444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221471608826393,0.0,0.08229305789319151,0.06340453828752704,0.0,0.0,0.06590013557520444,0.0,0.0,0.1876914417297316,0.16636089400252493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714391645677054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805431402625475,0.0,0.06417739460391457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625202406649705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514491595458004,0.13199168573970524,0.0,0.0,0.0492147172640118,0.0,0.06277988493486256,0.14239952429095304,0.06696691305617625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390812354589504,0.3193899096439536,0.0715435597503724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688854848594561,0.15571855056506625,0.0,0.2117354834195536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474198190309526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23930109772105565,0.08411539540693874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285014871174188,0.060737526116931825,0.0,0.0,0.16191581480659298,0.0,0.105260580238491,0.25482085956003403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162678106529026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049737585190928565,0.07554384742071595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935324161968857,0.10098301983878738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711304878689497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043827363527619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585061535901157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783326263797132,0.15546530371377618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473892772804231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229567728448335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630088766136348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852113882578039,0.08651460394577125,0.19801082930419736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043448761825813344,0.08564100744463646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011780154418556,0.16209612234335274,0.0,0.07757000439393781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043949326037298855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jtchicago,2019/06/19,Moving Away My best friend/FP is moving away in a few months. I'm pretty sad about it. How can I prepare myself psychologically? Besides finding other friends.,2.9839655172413795,6.070637655172416,4.327155172413793,76.95211206896555,86.24137931034483,4.279310344827587,24.49137931034483,5.985473137389443,0.9854758620689656,128,5,20,1,4,42,26,29,0.09,0.607,0.303,0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013809782339381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001594932706225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24387284471381385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122960384232031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129768450424308,0.5671846322929941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714565369737885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ambfku,2019/06/19,"trying to fix things i’ve done hi. i know this isn’t probably that cool but the past 2 years i managed to get myself in like $30,000 worth of debt and i just officially discharged a bankruptcy and it’s all gone :’) also i’m only 21 so if that puts anything in perspective. i know it will be on my credit for a while but it’s really nice to have that all off of my shoulders. i’m working really hard to be smarter with money and i’ve also been at my current job for almost 9 months which is my longest job ever..sad i know but i’m proud of myself. also i had a bad breakdown today but i’m trying to see the positive in everything and remembering this is making me feel better. ok thanks if u read this an hope ur all doing great!!!",-0.05473684210526386,2.1550706923076923,2.740310391363021,90.03977732793524,88.87179487179488,5.5919028340080965,18.46693657219973,7.0608816371341465,0.36613333333333387,572,16,123,9,19,200,99,156,0.057,0.6679999999999999,0.276,0.991,4,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,5,11,0,0,6,2,11,1,1,1,3,23,25,15,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,4,4,13,10,17,18,3,14,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,4,7,77,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620387043540147,0.0,0.0,0.3981997456337916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365864740450247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858542995220685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679482921117476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985401854103993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013739736604567,0.0,0.0,0.14917111291315405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392390768150781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671711308212915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299229864104805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868447286129932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164854476448962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32941685034835205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736529514135468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108889573608198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079218972389744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248275666367607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262344157992455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844561968334944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895330291401307,0.0,0.0,0.16685461578026609,0.0,0.0,0.1660237939595666,0.0,0.2126606383964776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880217128060354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226367618353507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281105063726813,0.0,0.0,0.11026899116353812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732856867592926,0.0,0.0,0.22537752566174016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083459977762367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688495541915076
bpd,sayruhdlogan,2019/06/19,"Anger.. I think the worst thing about my BPD is my anger. I get mad over simple things, and can’t get unmad... it’s like as soon as 1 thing makes me mad, everything does, even things that normally don’t. I don’t realize how stupid I’m being until I’m sobbing because I feel bad. I smoke pot, but when I get like that the last thing I want to do is calm down for some reason. It’s getting to the point where I think I need to talk to my psychiatrist about it. It only happens with my partner of 2 years because we’re extremely close, but I feel like it’s truly unfair to her to have to walk on eggshells around me. Not sure if it’s me or the relationship at this point...
I don’t really need textbook advice, but anything from someone who goes through similar experiences would help me tons.",4.577546012269941,4.676957460122701,5.390312883435584,85.44878220858898,69.49079754601227,8.728588957055214,27.95644171779141,8.548686976883017,1.7022618404907968,618,19,136,9,10,202,101,163,0.133,0.745,0.122,0.0276,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,5,0,4,0,10,0,0,3,1,25,25,11,0,6,6,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,0,2,20,5,22,23,3,15,0,1,0,0,6,9,1,3,8,86,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458369545704336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175754318537585,0.13171476349740713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353947629329225,0.18038870782540847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863490173540953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947980430795047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097725438272399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297589200923898,0.14473216604597072,0.0,0.0,0.1496249007855386,0.1057018463680897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30920961141519604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308395401940328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991737117936602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060622694461448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685569072935768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876369471594228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194192548087524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449682780622953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252938799848307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797379135688813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478624089400416,0.15212636098511306,0.0,0.15885245443364482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253650704970611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394494840546355,0.0,0.0,0.11892373520969607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4914864940863951,0.1896121392946028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726997507130406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510573617671043,0.0,0.0,0.09528066132686196
bpd,paradox_panda_0314,2019/06/19,"Advice: How do you all deal with loneliness? My spouse and I were able to have a brief stay-cation and we had a blast. However like most things, it came to an end. My spouse has to return back to work and catch up from the stay-cation. Ultimately my spouse told me that they will see me  much much less and will not have time for me, probably less than 2 hours of quality time a day. We took the stay-cation because my spouse was run ragged by work and I was about to be an emotional wreck, disassociating and all. 

Most of my friends moved away and I currently do not have a job or are taking any classes. I am completely unoccupied. 

TL;DR How do you all handle immense feelings of lonliness?",2.9120559610705605,4.869501708029201,3.7632299270072975,88.41642639902678,75.71532846715328,7.778345498783455,23.095498783454985,8.59863814320734,1.3096330900243314,542,16,117,11,12,173,87,137,0.043,0.899,0.059000000000000004,0.2786,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,2,1,2,4,2,0,0,8,0,16,0,0,2,3,22,22,10,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,2,17,2,16,12,9,16,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,3,9,82,20,4,0.16856838631640034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472307617119838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463228315142428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837554787621444,0.1296186839717945,0.0,0.10275772370328252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927973268154508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767407459049858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871266385941823,0.17378660447920427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961674592143665,0.14930155652850224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852332410348681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302355171160891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600590500601506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727811289032027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235399883611076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916151746079895,0.24783431933934436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817452311579708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432717927162238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390144132274169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267424479154132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198934561271046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658716330429335,0.0,0.0,0.16107431696481514,0.1872856796328268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454395857562618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,disasteraesthetic,2019/06/19,"DAE find it impossible to think about anything stressful? I can’t tell if this is a BPD thing or not, but whenever there’s a situation where I’m under any kind of (real or perceived) pressure or obligation to do something, most significantly for things like exams, I find myself physically unable to even think about it. It feels like there’s some kind of mental block that means whenever I try to think about whatever is stressing me out, let alone do something about it, my thoughts instantly get diverted to something else entirely, no matter how hard or how many times I try.

This definitely isn’t a matter of just being easily distracted, because whenever I don’t feel that pressure or obligation I can focus on similar things for hours and hours at a time with no issue at all, so it feels like some sort of unintentional defence mechanism to stop myself from getting anxious about things, by being completely unable to think about them at all.

This causes the most problems with things like studying, because my thoughts just won’t stay where I need them to for more than a fraction of a second, every time I push towards the subject that causes stress I switch right back to something completely irrelevant.

It’s hard to articulate how it’s involuntary to anyone who doesn’t experience it, because it seems like I should just be able to think about whatever I want to, I’m in control of my own thoughts after all, for the most part. But it doesn’t work like that and it’s causing more and more problems as the years go on. 

This is kind of ruining my life right now because I’ve just messed up some very important exams and now probably won’t be able to get into university because of them. Does anyone else get this, or is it completely irrelevant to BPD? (am I just lazy and unmotivated?)",12.803214990138063,8.303388857988168,11.76837278106509,60.85707593688365,56.8698224852071,15.171992110453653,46.214003944773175,12.602617957971056,5.587721104536492,1446,61,256,33,12,469,159,338,0.156,0.7490000000000001,0.095,-0.9732,0,1,4,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,3,2,25,20,1,6,10,0,21,1,0,7,3,68,43,19,0,6,15,0,5,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,27,9,0,4,16,0,0,2,10,11,0,1,3,5,22,9,52,32,14,29,0,1,0,0,5,15,0,15,17,181,49,3,0.1546253152954128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007259704543129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525752583644372,0.0,0.0,0.08734129696882494,0.0,0.10811761567220728,0.07921595414726161,0.06362172977870904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059448661505532935,0.0,0.2356453925594871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474517169880293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382641884676585,0.0,0.0,0.24318255182626156,0.0,0.08671271958061777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765682770831383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916960984222095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106428122327005,0.0,0.0651392485357749,0.0,0.0,0.07562661431534183,0.0,0.0,0.11727480807637206,0.11046435614264176,0.0,0.0,0.14132473690623082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157069063463214,0.0,0.0439385650120862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851391099755764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522747886681173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069432812514901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24152770724337105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905743053759434,0.054608216503494886,0.2266263558809325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838290015332675,0.0,0.08421614916058708,0.0,0.0,0.07791297477774384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732635602064633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372207416897777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335612117236235,0.14795554413274234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879987302978921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204917440391342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038253986212059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690266646939596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380762440476463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240500627603191,0.0,0.06463684362513035,0.2656841643697321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757467047742098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568154719502046,0.2476941463617895,0.0,0.18413284279385228,0.13524489721890284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498043921331904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379103939587512,0.04560100858250611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056284535556838766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497868167300734
bpd,pitoparai,2019/06/19,"I'm spiraling into isolation and I don't know what to do. Before I go on, I just wanna state I don't have BPD but I feel like I can relate or I can see myself in some of the stories and posts shared, so I wonder if anyone could help me. 

​

I get paranoid when I speak to my friends, and even more so in group chats where I can't look at their faces and assess their body language. My rational brain tells me I am stupid for overthinking, and my closest friend tells me to trust my friends more. Well that sounds great and all, but I can't seem to. If I were to take a break from them, I'd only grow more paranoid. 

They are speaking about me. 

They hate me.

They are trying to hurt me.

These thoughts always seem to prevail so I come back, only for something small to set off another break, then another, and then... I've completely stopped talking to my friends. I've cut off all means for them to talk to me. I've been away for about a month and it has felt great because I don't have to be reminded they're even there, and I don't have to worry about even the thought of paranoia. And I figure, they must not like me, but it's okay because I don't like them either.   
But surely this isn't a good thing. I haven't thought about my friends much but I also have this feeling like hey... you never mattered to begin with so why would anything change without you? It was something that brought me back because I didn't want to be forgotten.

Now I am at the point where I feel I am about to push my closest friend away, but I don't even know if I can even trust them to think of me if I were to have less interactions with them. I'm sure my brain will juggle around with that thought until I inevitably isolate myself more.

Where will I be if I decide to isolate myself from friends for longer amounts of time? How do I break free of this cycle? Maybe I lack self discipline? Or maybe I am better off all alone? It's so hard because I feel like all this anxiety comes because I know that I have the most love for people I choose to spend time with and befriend. The rational thoughts battle with my paranoid and harmful thoughts. It always feel like the latter wins. I'm wondering what the best course of action is.",3.1072561359345485,4.453350052863438,3.5560818124606683,92.67076211453748,73.80176211453744,6.422051604782883,25.30623033354311,6.742157984588678,0.7461356324732541,1740,56,381,14,35,542,199,454,0.10800000000000001,0.662,0.231,0.9974,0,2,2,0,0,0,49.0,0,2,11,3,29,34,4,0,10,1,42,5,4,1,8,81,78,36,0,11,17,0,7,6,7,4,0,3,0,1,17,21,0,2,24,1,2,7,14,6,1,0,13,12,73,29,59,57,16,45,0,1,2,1,34,19,0,13,19,267,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753476793403116,0.0,0.058178627125475516,0.1210686513229769,0.07882524279411639,0.0883999398068544,0.0,0.15257069098447876,0.055654008523600265,0.0,0.0,0.050868909822460485,0.0,0.05986754359574802,0.06476345645278897,0.0,0.0,0.1367031636924456,0.11188143883451568,0.0,0.22174044719094252,0.0,0.06190540076431467,0.0,0.07634726449373276,0.06434199212532138,0.0,0.08080951419211282,0.09162683172315417,0.1624274553981246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696048654889172,0.12533639720468082,0.07627761811267213,0.0,0.0,0.05808543292160311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402554200391067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392444189576096,0.207892167664984,0.0698519831241127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934485221217473,0.0,0.03800918490823935,0.0,0.04134584151586479,0.0610197501718261,0.0,0.16041558277531573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651702463459184,0.07182615415543983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048763192480974965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788102007558556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994547859442595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325360514148745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061092179812097615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656602552812242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617550854668873,0.07924672904798485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806883343099532,0.0,0.053480060494774835,0.0,0.05610974629192765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066021645238301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043610466244152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877283040472883,0.0,0.06967496298755509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057972807742598866,0.13245882462582986,0.07589474027634767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201392958985673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060822757681668914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371331557394333,0.0,0.054699395950011116,0.11694835023725758,0.12717445894182966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833226483001623,0.04661564580939289,0.0,0.3465350920734947,0.08484291775276133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049392880727736815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291018774275552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541152481001533,0.0,0.06564609927653746,0.0,0.0,0.07012898058860917,0.15778984090896575,0.0,0.0738817639070046,0.0,0.051679937670409376,0.0,0.0883999398068544,0.0
bpd,mynewromantica,2019/06/19,"I have a choice with no good decision and I feel like I’m going downhill because of it I recently lost my job and I have been looking for work for the past 7 weeks. I was not getting any response where I currently live ( Utah), but I found a great opportunity in Indianapolis. The problem is I have a wife and 2 kids. My wife has never lived outside of Utah and indiana is not her first choice. 

We currently have a great life. A great house in a great neighborhood. My wife has great friends and hobbies and she teaches yoga classes in the area. It’s all great except I have no job and no local prospects. 

But if I take this job in Indianapolis, I will be ripping my family away from everything they know. I will he taking my son from his best friend. My daughter from her friends. My wife from the only life she knows.

This decision is impossible and I’m beginning to spiral and I’m afraid I will destroy this opportunity. But I don’t even know if I want it. I am stuck and I feel like this is one of the only places i can let this out.",2.5567983149025792,4.30283567772512,4.081192733017378,86.68102027382834,76.1090047393365,7.532490784623485,25.94023170089521,8.344100000000001,1.6080361242759342,812,30,174,15,18,270,110,211,0.08,0.633,0.28800000000000003,0.9956,5,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,6,2,19,1,1,11,0,21,2,0,0,2,33,39,15,0,4,8,6,2,2,3,3,2,0,0,1,8,13,0,0,8,1,0,1,7,4,0,2,5,3,32,15,18,29,2,19,0,1,1,0,18,10,0,2,10,117,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038827376166097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972481844956214,0.0,0.0,0.06309687453051396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086241556183213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836536268202613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302537032208076,0.0,0.09757713829985966,0.0,0.10467244546862868,0.14789076807149454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088042956738487,0.0,0.11349002548451373,0.23990763283017266,0.0,0.05407810802097645,0.0,0.0588253836305873,0.08681671677967752,0.0,0.6847006507385731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943312040325048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30814402227959803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065413435506235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584286671499757,0.1462200362855106,0.10113653250343813,0.0,0.1827970621038968,0.0,0.08691976707975574,0.0,0.11299006040836042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983093897777037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013898646384473,0.15744339567880006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880909352426914,0.0,0.0,0.10814272989459428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904216991937233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220062356809996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564868596935585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610510794576416,0.0,0.08302702990913326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535429060302096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lisabobisa46,2019/06/19,"Diagnosis without a diagnosis? Title sounds stupid, but it is my current situation. I can scroll through these Reddit posts saying, “me!” Oh me too! All so relatable, almost every single one... But I don’t physically feel like going to see a psychiatrist, nor do I feel like having to tell my story and my scenario. Do I have any other options? Should I just stop being stubborn? Some days I’m like, no I’m good! Other days I wonder how I survive mentally. I had a PCP appointment today and just didn’t want to burden bringing it up and dealing with talking about it.",2.087179487179484,4.810484925925927,4.366666666666672,78.55269230769233,84.0,6.286039886039887,24.974358974358978,7.61054688173877,1.807935042735044,444,18,76,8,13,153,76,108,0.145,0.7240000000000001,0.131,-0.3749,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,1,21,20,8,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,5,13,4,8,16,3,9,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,4,8,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583839964279006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657881821030236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780189551307804,0.22221868399579628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160698333228745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797328640173008,0.3079725194218494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249988176348316,0.180789939380428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159149802942683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172198886215219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605969427735194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643369235998102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141100227952807,0.0,0.0,0.17176242721388374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422829777099943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020628801749008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324788359914484,0.18839689328528145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431260952073707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713474275083864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777886034806814,0.2337506765633287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NaterTots0304,2019/06/19,"Trying to figure out what's wrong with me So I have a girlfriend. And whenever she isnt here i feel lost. 

And I'm pushing her away because i ask a lot of questions about how she feels.

How do I stop doing this ?",-0.03782608695652101,1.9461343478260889,2.1066956521739115,96.34482608695652,85.95652173913044,4.5495652173913035,20.069565217391304,5.6839178017228535,-0.20762956521739093,164,5,38,1,5,55,38,46,0.128,0.8240000000000001,0.048,-0.5168,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,12,9,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,6,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31739456736834337,0.0,0.31897936158446194,0.0,0.0,0.20696119788873216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343331343451156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37061357516727067,0.2886379404249191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803271604325561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838442636010086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305039493716065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711991895086964,0.0,0.0
bpd,humina_humina,2019/06/19,"I can't help but write when I'm in a bad state. Here's what's on my mind Teeming with rage I feel you.  
Screaming inside I hear you.  
What fuels you my dear?  
What is it you fear?   
A void,  
A lie,  
A desire,  
A cry?  
What have they done to you?  
Like a deep sigh  
I can feel you fading.  
The tension released,  
Then again escalating  
Forever waiting   
For a reprieve  
You're drifting  
Drifting away",-1.7089338235294136,-0.4061504375000009,0.5527941176470605,99.48102941176472,115.875,2.882352941176471,17.205882352941178,5.0885558068054335,-0.6809264705882354,295,10,66,2,17,97,57,80,0.29600000000000004,0.58,0.124,-0.9564,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,6,1,0,3,8,1,2,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,1,4,13,2,6,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114455412711235,0.0,0.2767801030639622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641259355375632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392291150219039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730181393702057,0.33522236537605504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736130511926101,0.0,0.22219059846358893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194915242472252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347101602505011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bob-Lawbla,2019/06/19,"You can do anything you want to. I have BPD and I’m ready to help break the stigma around this disorder. Remember people ARE NOT BORN with BPD. It develops as you get older. We are not bad people. Let’s send out good vibes whenever possible, and don’t let ANYONE tell you you’re a bad person. Remember back when you were a kid and you were optimistic and honest and strong and you wanted to take the world by the horns? You still can!

I remember when I turned 18 I felt bad, I started exhibiting really strong suicidal thoughts and feelings when I was about 21. I have been through so much since I turned 21 and was able to legally drink.

I received my diagnosis in February of 2018, while in rehab for a month stay. I am now 24 and realize what I have to do and I have seen my psychiatrist 3 times in a row now, working on medication, and my therapist 2 times in a row now. It’s taken me a long time to accept help.

But I’m ready to turn my life around and be positive and happy again. I’m ready to care about myself again.

So after this backstory I want to say that you can still do anything you want to regardless of your diagnosis or if you suspect you have a diagnosis. I want you to know you are loved and together we can break the stigma that people who have to live through the HELL of BPD, are among the smartest, nicest, most talented people IN THE WORLD. I love you all, good vibes.",3.217814313346228,4.659753205673759,4.472920696324953,85.82454545454549,73.68085106382979,8.531528046421665,25.229529335912318,9.095868883498916,1.8229517730496447,1092,35,233,24,22,360,142,282,0.049,0.7,0.25,0.9951,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,2,16,0,3,17,15,1,0,14,0,27,6,0,0,1,43,50,24,1,7,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,20,1,0,10,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,9,4,39,11,34,38,3,38,1,0,1,2,29,12,1,3,21,158,47,2,0.0972932070474746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680296725473349,0.0,0.16012803896315295,0.1732231632599871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748124706682443,0.2437072918340039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676121650983575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919690883724032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115064443645652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531030299575463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919436881698335,0.0,0.093416736377888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508316850532724,0.0,0.0,0.1632098520529577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357042806187046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042717166227374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053469802156111815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989777920449924,0.06872106943959733,0.0,0.0,0.08591168431710397,0.08610142659833815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562183588152394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801267033581501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765850963395518,0.0,0.0715217018797753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26980343763797565,0.08495267561991596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968347237304353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232851976956162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306427122227221,0.0,0.0,0.07737146330754179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048194626993105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886463271359097,0.10370161343949436,0.15539696165374448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642297718343777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315238341068662,0.0,0.08503855133118207,0.0,0.0,0.11296491225539605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723993863900773,0.17019735432188315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174812124598269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28693027148336897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083061348706485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vic02,2019/06/19,"anyone gotten lost as a child? I got lost in a big shop once when I was 4 or 5 and ran around frantically looking for my older sister. Probably contributed to my severe fear of abandonment.

I wonder if this resonates with anyone else with BPD?

​

Also to anyone reading: Don't give up on yourself, keep fighting and get stronger each day! <3",4.051818181818181,6.454265696969702,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636367,73.84848484848484,6.824242424242425,27.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.969957575757576,280,11,47,4,6,90,56,66,0.26899999999999996,0.695,0.036000000000000004,-0.9408,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,12,7,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,6,0,0,6,1,5,0,11,6,1,9,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,3,3,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896521743940572,0.0,0.20183046614721095,0.2263462873841544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907464950796437,0.19086224599006527,0.0,0.16582554194361013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460867994505705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201329061726632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556100795195621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961280498439308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732176186177363,0.1786933537397756,0.0,0.0,0.1489823014176666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557107617559516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564253111358033,0.0,0.4066855204159311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837835006418664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008375291977353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632686865184556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043937785771746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200887441052004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263462873841544,0.0
bpd,Excruciasm,2019/06/19,"My craving for validation is destroying my life I have done some pretty terrible, dangerous things for attention/validation.  I’ve done it all my life and had no idea that this was why.  I am now experiencing what I’m told is a “fear of abandonment” episode and I was told the validation and abandonment thing are related.  I know almost nothing about this condition so I’m kind of lost but I’m in my bathroom hiding from my husband so he won’t see me crying.  I just fell apart for such a stupid reason and it’s childish and I feel stupid for being so upset over something like that but the pain is so real and so intense.  Please tell me I’m not the only one this happens to.",2.4627521367521368,4.695236711111111,4.280740740740743,82.86794871794872,78.18518518518519,7.709401709401709,25.94017094017094,8.617729084823388,2.0313076923076925,536,21,106,12,13,181,86,135,0.285,0.645,0.07,-0.9854,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,13,4,2,5,0,13,3,0,1,1,20,24,13,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,11,0,1,8,3,13,2,11,14,2,5,0,3,1,0,5,3,0,2,2,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073824353925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982637172724868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694151873692087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031054525474038,0.09126297495702032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596098726538993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375527689462453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795628369925532,0.09919454873553347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549759002953384,0.08818004386710797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703005900499304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318845355324886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230711791441075,0.1372734974582114,0.19205788998916296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812774460670035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836268548128657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544120389937767,0.0,0.1855774566933428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438300110270144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389527724758607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775934049263934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398238227248636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34493869239034103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628673778359522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,khernandez514,2019/06/19,"App for impulsive texting? Does anyone know of an app that has a function to prevent you from impulsively texting your FP when emotions are high?
I wish there was an app that I could turn on and it would block me from texting or calling them for 5-10minutes to allow myself to calm down. 
Right now I just try to delete the conversation, delete their number,etc. but when they respond, I reply right away.",4.621861471861474,6.405799779220778,4.5864285714285735,85.0377380952381,70.6883116883117,6.691774891774893,28.417748917748927,7.1686216300943375,1.49787619047619,321,12,60,3,6,99,60,77,0.027000000000000003,0.887,0.087,0.3421,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,8,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,1,12,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599141285608609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249913106510378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271612860839659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237710367986468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327759245631389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992110250292759,0.0,0.0,0.296657168651919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28104062471340713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618509358884504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543202763243506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059462456825973,0.2893285486054165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305883629404674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895676469539446,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bebo1005,2019/09/16,"Confusion about therapy and suggestions for DBT therapists in NYC Hey guys, 

I am coming into the awareness that I most likely have BPD and I would really like to try DBT therapy for it. Does anyone have a good DBT therapist in NYC that they can recommend?

I have had therapists in the past but I end up leaving because I didn't feel like they truly cared about me. 

My first therapist was very old and sometimes would catch him getting sleepy throughout our sessions. Plus there was this uncomfortable feeling I always had around him that he might be attracted to me and the whole thing was just a mess. I was in therapy with him for about 6 months and I don't feel like I made improvements. He had a psycho analytical approach, which was great, but at this point, I fully know why I behave the way I do and now I feel like I need to cultivate the tools to overcome my issues. 

My second therapist only lasted for about 3 sessions. He was sort of helpful except for the fact that he tried to diagnose me with BPD within 3 sessions. That made me extremely uncomfortable. I felt like our first session he was just running through a list of BPD symptoms to see if i had it. And he also kept trying to convince me to take anxiety medication when I told him I wasn't comfortable with taking medication. 

My most recent therapist only lasted for about 2 weeks. I became upset with her because I started to feel like she didn't care about me and that maybe she didn't like me. And when I told her I needed more help and needed to start coming in twice a week, she said okay but never fit me into her schedule. And then she cancelled on our appointment last minute the day before. And this was during a time that I was really really not doing well.

​

Anyway, I am sure my BPD has played a role in me cutting off my therapists, maybe splitting them and being convinced they don't like me. But its hard to know what the truth is in the situation.. I often think that they dont care about me and it is only a source of income for them. Maybe I truly haven't found a good therapist yet, or maybe I should go back to the most recent one and stick it out? I often feel scared that they will not help me and that I can't trust them. But I really truly need help right now. 

​

TL;DR I have had trouble keeping therapists and want to start seeing one again, but nervous about it because I haven't found a therapist I felt like I could trust. Does anyone have recommendations for DBT therapists in NYC? Thanks!",6.1562554539057,6.339506655102043,6.508226600985223,78.49642857142858,66.12244897959185,9.697396199859256,29.75369458128079,9.494082108488547,2.4967156931738206,1991,63,381,36,29,644,215,490,0.105,0.698,0.19699999999999998,0.9946,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,3,0,8,2,24,35,1,4,20,1,45,4,0,2,4,79,85,30,0,10,13,0,9,10,0,5,4,1,0,1,22,28,0,2,13,1,0,6,13,7,1,6,28,12,75,28,56,49,5,55,0,0,2,0,39,20,0,10,38,273,97,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03936871312736268,0.040962783397856084,0.1066800137467464,0.11963815726439712,0.0,0.0,0.0376603368661135,0.0,0.0,0.06884464680072186,0.0,0.0,0.04382458067852621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037854350363519536,0.0,0.09002930958167034,0.0,0.04189057191859275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24801069609966375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057788528685384,0.0,0.0,0.08481349440106664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03930564983318297,0.0,0.0,0.03174887400940932,0.0,0.0,0.04996677900696778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616191502701616,0.0,0.057696460457109175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04360261389383165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935110602361745,0.14067790036668806,0.0945358397357712,0.0,0.0,0.08374896186932984,0.0,0.10795493664624907,0.0,0.0,0.025720316390933192,0.0,0.02797818810912993,0.08258252758137173,0.0,0.054275559354637216,0.0,0.0487448207419888,0.0,0.0,0.0440998500583138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198964848843922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138267694915052,0.0,0.043757330148543994,0.0,0.0,0.05411035370456452,0.12038553270843355,0.0,0.05212679960152922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405098578579448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316404923444573,0.0,0.0,0.19783009488379724,0.0,0.0,0.09918683154868596,0.0,0.05222458685783171,0.0,0.0,0.03929441717582945,0.0,0.0,0.14601183010099794,0.037968728630393016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051657947430664944,0.0,0.06671819666803842,0.1123234733623869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046995008530248905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046537671391268784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126150391982605,0.0,0.09721613679615304,0.0,0.0,0.04204161697260423,0.04682840871245829,0.0,0.0492871921658072,0.0,0.07845887570649583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055335879744751286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868911032792401,0.0,0.10453441429392132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463981030087909,0.05116816985983645,0.0740287261420458,0.0,0.0,0.0453237940093675,0.16889424090951238,0.6287500816393494,0.03270580903851257,0.03154419548537491,0.0,0.0,0.028706044254817806,0.0,0.0,0.09408155432711414,0.0,0.10027054167385964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04061938980947098,0.02903676066199386,0.03907598616419358,0.07897766975997181,0.0,0.04426312002713509,0.0,0.04442185348881676,0.05496283872255656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994227059357415,0.0,0.11963815726439712,0.0
bpd,welc0me_reality,2019/09/16,"A familiar pain Just blocked my fp for the millionth time. Hopefully this is the last one but it never gets any easier. We're so toxic together and I know it's for the best but somehow I love the pain? 

He brought out a side in me I had never seen before, I had become controlling, assuming, cold, manipulative, verbally aggressive and prone to name calling. Who is this person? I have never been like that towards any other human ever. But this rage I'm filled with pushes me to become this monster.

 I'm so sorry.",1.4916538461538449,4.166246150000006,3.6940000000000026,82.27930769230773,87.5,6.676923076923077,22.69230769230769,7.882392219407189,1.7110538461538467,405,15,73,9,13,138,71,100,0.20800000000000002,0.675,0.11599999999999999,-0.8229,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,2,0,6,0,6,3,0,2,4,20,14,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,5,2,8,4,8,9,1,13,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,3,7,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586528272564685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200695905649203,0.16182603442059526,0.0,0.19957830656680128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419127760537014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329890500162665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202536206268731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935927381646448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888879885778612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451592757103137,0.15501907682772229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291053989868693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716415466181675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400270875882539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288683908572993,0.0,0.4047220089295467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605462025337914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128868113934584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089333692284743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oarelsemeow,2019/09/16,self harm and bpd I struggle a lot with self harm in my everyday life due to depression and bpd. It’s concerning because I just don’t care that I’m hurting myself at all. what should I do?,1.1147500000000008,3.1429129750000016,3.0599999999999987,90.935,81.75,7.0,25.0,8.07648339933343,1.4959999999999996,149,6,33,3,4,50,32,40,0.342,0.588,0.07,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,4,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093425663378446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6236853902407045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25244402391691523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325694463901426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650602093551993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488673286856354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050010059259325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166002121462567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588445847814158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babygirl0698,2019/09/16,"Looking for someone to talk to.. I just got out of a really toxic relationship, and one of my symptoms with BPD is im trying to fill a void. This time I want to do it in the most healthy way possible by filling my time talking to people that really understand. It would be awesome If someone messaged me to talk and I’m also open to giving advice. Thanks so much 💕",1.887942857142857,3.859548346666666,4.3219047619047615,83.16000000000003,78.86666666666667,6.9523809523809526,26.714285714285715,7.957251820313856,1.8400285714285716,286,12,56,5,7,100,57,75,0.0,0.821,0.179,0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,11,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,5,1,14,8,2,8,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,2,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750821737281945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345070575104272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416729766298197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407398529487684,0.0,0.0,0.15346830414458876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072691876562888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113543016093235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105786664288844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002653061107572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330291936778295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632198636622152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24585343465350665,0.0,0.0,0.20601313628063544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251677973150966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944242910809945,0.0,0.4626907104981112,0.0,0.1766623195315564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237798698663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027760848329473,0.0,0.0,0.1997594955455186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317899576479153,0.15230971953324746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630990108430474,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LifelessMurder,2019/09/16,"Please help with my extreme anger issues? I feel like I have so much rage in me and that I’ll end up in jail one day. 

Sometimes I can’t calm down. 

What do you guys do in fits of extreme rage?",0.04662790697674524,1.5477768604651203,1.5001744186046508,103.45398255813956,82.72093023255816,4.3,17.726744186046513,3.1291,-1.1385302325581397,147,3,39,0,4,47,35,43,0.225,0.589,0.18600000000000005,-0.6145,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,6,2,7,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293516474202369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149822360759955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798169923569542,0.25406183062710874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35212917904004953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837099950591864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711848679627791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374264077579155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26142864782182096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098379542825665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39037446625448907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35172673090156004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadbetch_,2019/09/16,"Impulse to runaway from my life hi everyone, 

Someone made a semi rude comment to me today. So now I am having a mental breakdown and need to vent about why I want to runaway and start over. Hopefully someone understands. It's like someone will point out one of my flaws or a mistake I made and then everything negative about who I am as a person or anything I have ever done wrong, just comes rushing back and I want to run. I really try to be a good person. I help when I can, because I hate seeing people in pain. I try not to judge people. I try to check in on my friends and see them, etc..but still give them their space. It's like no one *really* wants me around though. They'll invite me to hang out once in a blue moon, not reply to my messages for days, and I try to think they're just busy. I'll invite people to do stuff and most of the time they're busy or working, but often I'll see them doing stuff with other people. If I plan something, hardly anyone shows up, but will get upset with me if I don't show up to their events. On top of it all nobody in my life will ever compliment me or point out my success....but the moment they notice something negative (or something they don't like) they point it out. If I do it to them, I am being a bitch. I've gotten to the point where I don't even reach out to anyone (other than a professional) when I am in an episode anymore because everyone has told me (even family), I have to learn to deal with life or some BS. And I am to the point where I am tired of it. I am tired of feeling like I am too much for people to handle. I am tired of being told I am toxic because I have BPD. I am tired of being a last resort for friends. I am tired of trying so hard and getting nothing in return from those I love and care about.  I want to just delete all my social media and just vanish from all these people and be around people who accept me and actually care (if that is even possible). I just want to run away from everything and start over. Does anyone have episodes where they do/think that? Because I am pretty sure it has to be related to BPD and not just me. (or I hope at least). Also, does anyone have any solutions other than running away and starting over, or even how to?",3.171445271682341,4.0303206573275885,4.516481191222571,87.72512277951931,73.03017241379311,7.089759665621735,23.758881922675037,7.229369725052465,0.8211057471264369,1731,45,372,17,33,575,194,464,0.105,0.758,0.13699999999999998,0.8834,0,0,3,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,11,3,32,22,3,1,14,0,40,10,0,3,6,76,70,39,0,13,23,0,3,4,2,4,9,0,0,2,18,27,0,0,5,2,1,6,9,7,0,2,6,7,60,15,72,54,7,57,0,0,4,1,27,33,1,17,22,276,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.062446438735447016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117395125683994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351639040421641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346233803200678,0.1789772801705247,0.0,0.05265952307929283,0.11393194124679723,0.0,0.0,0.12024417524265953,0.049205486450500616,0.0,0.1560344119051976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611900195000018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048712628051806,0.0,0.0,0.055122980707563767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126920089465228,0.06597239032175932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199872410165028,0.06548548582141492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136739859798279,0.16906303585000398,0.11576788692936073,0.0,0.12229317376282765,0.1150228046830552,0.0,0.060325457890341536,0.0,0.03235600731593658,0.045715515217564236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887929388673833,0.0,0.06686579838370701,0.06138644397253475,0.0,0.053673004594332066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464756645802415,0.0631783232661956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289212995293623,0.0,0.0,0.12711592663893165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052161584614325344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355971920578214,0.1250519894109272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057754795348233676,0.12110054242793435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448834553470409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704108955802538,0.047448860293817625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061401536305864236,0.07285470677286238,0.0,0.06814882152423568,0.08672454528013117,0.0,0.06809143024867695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31054537076130684,0.11174975754206427,0.0,0.0,0.3024630903833611,0.07214076163356185,0.0,0.0651023250176272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198914185313051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297873725570452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523123969751572,0.16265928131761315,0.14779126775943785,0.0,0.0,0.13588046437874007,0.0,0.05110366642621757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650983467496376,0.0,0.0,0.06031119823755245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200629352463391,0.0628712892338055,0.0,0.03731393771293294,0.36774387614003895,0.060656426276083274,0.12229317376282765,0.0,0.21723002034275424,0.0,0.0,0.06661737160545995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871911941422195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577423437190079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658654848699982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996462117722023,0.0,0.0
bpd,cloud_breaks,2019/09/16,"Just really fucking struggling tonight Feeling suicidal, isolated, lonely, disconnected. Need kind words, something. Don't even have the energy to write/explain.",9.639420289855073,14.340863086956524,7.921739130434783,51.922898550724646,70.30434782608695,11.762318840579713,46.79710144927536,10.504223727775694,7.98251884057971,133,9,12,5,3,40,23,23,0.373,0.413,0.214,-0.7512,0,2,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596008153476214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873406007125224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36336138922020705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092932034381788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914359784836466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517930423727685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025832616708985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108932820713683,0.0,0.4299246204218655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,specpic,2019/09/16,"FP has a boyfriend now. She really, really likes him. She talks about him all the time. About how similar they are, things he's said or done, whatever. I guess it's normal. I'm objectively the weird one here for being so freakishly attached and jealous. I'm sorry to her. I want to be happy for her. I really do. She's the only person I've ever known who I've genuinely felt a connection with *ever*. 

It's just so hard not to be sad about being replaced, becoming the Second Choice yet again, and I also don't think any male would ever look my way either (not that I want them to. I'd be happy with just her and no boyfriend). I hate being such a weak pathetic little freak. I really do. I just want to be supportive and I'm here trying to not have fucking intrusive thoughts about killing the person I care about the most's boyfriend.",1.2721021488632829,3.6615870355029614,3.2398941139831834,87.67666459047025,83.97041420118343,6.871504204297727,20.13734039240112,8.032893268588372,1.0998923076923082,655,19,133,14,19,220,97,169,0.168,0.705,0.128,-0.7972,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,0,21,13,4,0,9,0,15,2,0,1,4,30,31,9,1,5,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,4,4,20,5,15,19,3,9,0,1,1,1,17,1,1,3,8,94,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727456369433682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972584826591413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619614859584113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495176786864802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007208920557275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979552515296961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080533090608816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557395695860036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154959600699276,0.0,0.0,0.3122196077658899,0.13136803984024165,0.14478479996192475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224457630732322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164493427364145,0.14698008635426174,0.0,0.0,0.12314760740482428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368416229157388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993726589361002,0.11153261295410828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560952151792625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37578653210655855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949608112632567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416072521633238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641471206434574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787031962156133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974265903194079,0.0939662861386506,0.0,0.11642234080236775,0.08551178202048597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956454497385853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594908368009691,0.1164025660047968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417471916235503,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonymous0004754019,2019/09/16,"fp and different opinions dae feels threatened when your fp has opinions / views, etc. that differ from yours?

it's quite similar to being jealous, in my opinion. i also tend to get angry and confrontantional, just for the sake of it.",3.516428571428573,6.576244452380955,3.9812380952380977,81.48042857142859,80.66666666666666,6.217142857142857,27.447619047619053,7.554174236665415,2.0463847619047626,185,8,30,3,5,58,37,42,0.201,0.799,0.0,-0.8519,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,6,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28434811734999604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7429871112565691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965530300689993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978619081166888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576994172372208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37819102230833307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,picky_mickey,2019/09/16,"Therapist acting different after BPD Diagnosis I saw a therapist last summer in my home town until it was time to move back to college. I took a psych eval last year, at the suggestion of my therapist, to confirm the diagnoses of ocd and misophonia and to check for anything else, and when the test results came back I was diagnosed with BPD as well. It was the classic story of being happy about it at first that everything made sense and then checking the internet for information about it and finding out what everyone thinks about people with bpd or as they would say “borderlines” and being depressed for a good few months. 

I just saw my therapist for the first time today since last summer, and now she’s been completely different. When I would tell her what was going on in my life or how my family is being she wouldn’t believe me or she would just dismiss it. She kept saying snide patronizing comments to me the whole time. When I told her that my parents didn’t care (because it wasn’t affecting their lives), that I wanted to be seen for adhd months ago because I’ve shown symptoms since I was 5 but it was always passed off as a symptom of my thyroid issues, she blew me off. When I told her that I had actually been seen by someone privately to get tested for adhd and they did diagnose me with it, she said that anxiety and depression have the same symptoms as adhd and blew it off again, after I had already told her I never had anxiety and depression when I was 5.

It just seems to me like because I’ve been diagnosed with bpd that means no one else in my environment can do wrong. Even if they were emotionally abusive or weren’t respecting boundaries etc, it’s always me overreacting or not being reliable to tell the truth. But last year the same things that were happening made sense, and my therapist even saw it when my parents came into sessions.

Because someone has bpd, anxiety, they can’t also have adhd. It’s one or the other, and bpd defines who you are as a person now that you’ve been diagnosed.",9.58104977375566,7.303337430769236,9.362699849170436,68.79739819004527,60.589743589743605,12.971342383107087,39.35143288084464,11.557038098267885,4.4514826546003015,1618,64,295,37,17,529,178,390,0.079,0.8740000000000001,0.047,-0.9403,5,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,5,2,22,11,0,0,16,0,37,10,0,5,2,54,60,37,0,6,13,2,0,1,0,4,10,3,1,1,26,21,0,1,5,0,2,7,8,4,1,4,35,8,45,7,46,16,5,52,0,3,5,0,31,12,0,8,34,224,71,5,0.0,0.0713206207720564,0.0587411334780794,0.0,0.28936829007306475,0.0,0.05335877836828832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664261102105249,0.04813750731428712,0.10017326596623508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814584709585356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049534931642737166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257168562286604,0.0,0.14677599559723267,0.0,0.0,0.06781857069904589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548770742986733,0.0,0.0,0.1376929079975274,0.06137228845416915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311277149761625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553626326541126,0.3054806721949372,0.0,0.1257808486156121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056953522182707,0.06771069283533898,0.0,0.0,0.06713276164214224,0.07951577829078997,0.0,0.0,0.057518409287465926,0.0540989210892751,0.0,0.05674600258751559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501666809773437,0.1024027951207479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03144913358963193,0.0,0.03420991258684725,0.05048827748852185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322978363493308,0.06407814780563602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037997567006945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628274025484531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626615488764165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251714439454995,0.029407984468123663,0.0,0.05315283241480804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139149528952908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556943997584097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609332609337716,0.0639772105451469,0.0,0.0,0.04642569713281775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157868075884694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367770246545355,0.0,0.0,0.04173127619282208,0.05255950184550117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725873892854363,0.0957381398249571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479879772270962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958699882343157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200518234840203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769535160456746,0.0,0.0,0.10522526484338722,0.0,0.0,0.3494521785710792,0.03999054062848776,0.038570194966447965,0.0,0.0,0.10529966352799948,0.0,0.057057332721268186,0.17255522786239774,0.06687828685410634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355042664012922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412207041582112,0.0,0.0,0.0672049920062574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282813036604927,0.06581321904881457,0.0,0.0775265486182671
bpd,Noodleferret,2019/09/16,"People pleasing DAE feel that their people pleasing is the bane of your existence?  That it just leads to you getting take advantage of? That you can't really trust anyone because you're not sure if they are using you or genuinely grateful for your assistance?

For example: I was told I was going to more or less have the day off after I came in and took care of a few patients in clinic. So as I arrived at  8am at work my boss tells me that I have to stick around for a couple of guys to show up to do some orchard work. They were supposed to be here between 8-9am. It is now 9:45 and they haven't shown. I told my boss I need to go take care of something before it rains. Which he proceeded to tell me to wait for the guys. At this rate my RV is going to have more water damage because I haven't gotten a tarp on it. So now I'm sitting here pissed off and yelling into the void, fighting the urge to call my boss and tell him I quit. He has gotten to use to me always being around. Because I don't want to disappoint him and have him yell at me. I am the only employee he has. So if I up and quit he will be fucked.",2.7051858232832875,3.44909938075314,4.210932808269753,89.91257445237507,74.02092050209205,7.12980556239232,24.100664533595857,7.285733465282438,0.8113675116908691,868,24,197,9,17,290,127,239,0.087,0.8290000000000001,0.084,-0.1933,1,0,1,0,3,0,19.0,0,5,4,6,10,10,3,0,9,0,23,4,1,6,1,28,45,14,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,10,10,1,1,1,1,0,6,5,5,0,0,9,3,32,5,40,32,5,26,0,2,0,1,25,14,2,5,5,138,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874976403131056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138586874920797,0.0,0.0,0.23269477375457334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23901369391370225,0.0,0.11121289701036374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345550135960346,0.14948171160320653,0.2665071093799445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461293358954616,0.0,0.08428828000403359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608395959543817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208265928606364,0.06828340523537342,0.0,0.22283310135492976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588197048014691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690962595875748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940040047812516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121667073227068,0.0,0.0,0.2869305077002053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780231354226927,0.0,0.0,0.08372737533067423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006163716040744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317968495203717,0.0,0.19653465491574348,0.0,0.3427028941746084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977176803146825,0.14520836161324396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257592233536109,0.0,0.0,0.07708804451971747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902968779704458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WideImpression,2019/09/16,"Has a anybody manage NHS treatment with a very unpredictable schedule? The impression they give us that you snooze, you lose. Make every appointment given to you or the sessions are over.",6.275833333333331,9.354680750000004,5.16375,77.03958333333338,69.625,8.016666666666666,32.541666666666664,8.841846274778883,3.3115916666666667,152,7,22,3,3,45,28,32,0.083,0.8590000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,16,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36074090752070304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107274006338123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47899838876444606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857982558948621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150203943543188,0.0,0.0,0.3532745304962883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loopyloupe,2019/09/16,"Today I Was Diagnosed and it’s Been A Day After a very tumultuous two weeks I finally received a 2nd psychiatric opinion (something that had been recommended that I seek) which was: Yes, you do have BPD (and GAD).  

I was actually happy to hear this as the first opinion had leant towards Bipolar II, which I had become more and more convinced I did not have. 

Immediately after the appointment I had to make an 8 hour trip back to the city I currently live in (which has legitimately about 5 psychiatrists total). 

During this drive I shared my diagnosis with my father by photographing the leaflet I had been given about BPD and sending it to him. He either hasn’t seen it or has ignored it.

I rang my family home to speak to my mother during my last break on the drive. She said that I ‘must be very rich to afford all that therapy’ (DBT & ACT have been suggested) and ‘am I sure there’s something very wrong with me?’ She ended with a ‘well I won’t give you my opinion because you’ll just do what you want.’ For good measure.

Guys, I LAUGHED. Apparently mental illness exists but not in me. I don’t ‘present’ as obviously ill so I must, IDK, be making it up for fun?

I think I might need to go low contact with my parents which is gonna be stupidly hard as an only child, even though I live in a different state for study purposes ATM. Any recommendations from those of you who have done this would be super appreciated.

I’m just kind of at a loss that even after getting sent to the ED by the state’s mental health triage phone hotline and having the mental health nurse and consulting psychiatrist there recommend a second opinion that this human being cannot believe that I am legitimately ill. It honestly makes me wonder if I would have to actually die for them to believe me.",6.898512585812355,6.600446985507247,7.4985354691075505,73.6429977116705,64.65217391304347,10.509534706331047,33.230358504958055,10.064110947511567,3.146159420289856,1410,52,268,28,19,468,196,345,0.09300000000000001,0.794,0.113,0.713,5,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,5,1,3,12,17,1,0,17,1,42,7,0,3,6,39,58,15,1,6,8,3,1,0,0,8,7,4,1,3,24,11,0,1,2,0,2,8,6,5,1,3,18,6,41,12,39,27,5,33,0,2,1,0,29,8,0,8,14,192,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.21234626050845545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788478212710088,0.0,0.07398774822299113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366050375209183,0.0,0.0663234856736053,0.12016108013400817,0.0,0.2451607421968589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27405964667670635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016701561859598,0.0,0.0,0.11042973561688434,0.1129172491162141,0.11367286969816676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113402006050954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636452899694556,0.0,0.0,0.14372278139448613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025669810470948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918510978553215,0.0,0.0925452460736858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684352274612889,0.10437089838463673,0.06183356176510463,0.09125629937156077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772913071862426,0.0,0.11581965022783032,0.09746345230707648,0.0,0.0,0.2312986786856644,0.12262553603567017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913529654577904,0.0,0.10714610897952978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329848391505312,0.0,0.08868654209387303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214483157579915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787458551690386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289345068664035,0.11541963348502313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067384027666746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827473220773936,0.0,0.0,0.12080955265569512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034937391652772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751915017109595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254273639834276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442231112696553,0.0,0.0,0.06971466316072747,0.10689547260415556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312970248071024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628181561002194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693142463887979,0.06417307392632984,0.0,0.08727281770569092,0.0,0.09782428924412613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179889865103704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457683291964686,0.11895574812371285,0.0,0.0
bpd,GilgameshTheTerrible,2019/09/16,"Is extreme intolerance of other's opinions a BPD symptom? So, I'm not diagnosed, and I don't wanna self-diagnose, but I've been suffering from severe emotional instability for 14 years (26 m), I hate people one moment and then love them the other, people confuse the shit out of me because I have several alcoholics and mentally ill ppl on my family, I'm misanthropic because my experiences made me hate and mistrust ppl yet trust people who treat me even slightly good way too much... I dont have time to elaborate rn but I wanna ask about a very bad trait I have and if some ppl with BPD have it:

**Total intolerance of people with different opinions on things I care about.**

When someone states an opinion opposing mine on a thing I care about, it's like they stop being human to me. I get this boiling blood feeling when I rage and think about seriously hurting the person and their family. It's like a fascistic impulse **this person is a cognitive danger to me and everything I hold dear**. I'm not some ace weilding psycho, I just grit teeth,but it makes civil conversation about issues, especially online, very difficult, especially on Reddit where the contrarian and snarky and ""not to rain on your parade, but..."" style is so common.

Does anyone here feel this way? Is it a symptom of BPD? Note I don't **want** to consciousky be this way, it's just that opinions too different to mine on things I care about make me almost physically sick and upset and while I intellectually know its crazy, emotionally I can't stop myself.",3.010333188153311,5.812805254355402,4.6827253919860645,77.46412293118469,80.08013937282229,7.629311846689896,25.34505662020906,8.567472430010655,2.299731794425087,1216,47,211,29,32,408,163,287,0.19399999999999998,0.66,0.146,-0.9508,2,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,3,1,18,22,5,2,11,0,15,10,2,3,1,47,34,22,0,4,9,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,3,18,15,2,4,4,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,2,2,31,10,29,30,4,23,0,2,0,1,11,8,1,9,13,142,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411322900859153,0.09755287881405612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811890248554718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107531584884072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134231542325059,0.11877365527996556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680943372086963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798105621852233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977601632001886,0.0,0.2035680438549028,0.0,0.0,0.08525361608263456,0.0,0.11417647547863775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917062001502954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434553280731771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755555127839673,0.09529625554225256,0.18367935771570226,0.0,0.09851778751251426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508983575499447,0.0,0.0,0.08171196171009316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236578129559087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429100270714524,0.0,0.0,0.10168202534837777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353993489325373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518978346514737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792609360586262,0.09218193541365342,0.13005830765992984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817727293089644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161551207759934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601486889746111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701573206300355,0.17012820464225742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163116194339536,0.22011559371485495,0.10000107174735592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254434463701607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289633545833548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025150674756351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416619186565476,0.06242332777080239,0.0,0.0,0.05680686357502623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076475845467014,0.05746132371790433,0.2319843370320596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273581400803085
bpd,brokenlogic18,2019/09/16,"How to better know yourself? We all know that BPD brings with it a shifting sense of identity. The only thing about myself that I can say with certainty is 'I have BPD'. Beyond that I have no concrete sense of who I am.

When asked to describe myself, there are some adjectives that come to mind - empathic, curious, nervous etc. But there is a disconnect between these descriptors and truly knowing myself.

Has anyone explored this and found anything helpful? Has anyone managed to learn who they are at their core, understand themselves a little better? I feel as though once I know better who I am, it will be easier to work towards the kind of person I want to be, not ruled by BPD.",5.652327209098862,7.1034008818897645,5.801522309711287,78.60198600174981,67.74015748031496,8.479090113735781,30.646544181977248,8.841846274778883,2.6314643919510057,540,21,92,9,9,171,85,127,0.032,0.7929999999999999,0.175,0.9520000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,2,4,7,5,0,1,5,0,14,0,0,1,1,22,25,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,6,0,0,9,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,2,14,4,18,21,3,8,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,1,76,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293326375828028,0.0,0.1253004192101355,0.0,0.14234642326793578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039957931407727,0.0,0.0,0.5753140885484651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116208022563627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698147730810054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698932773371994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694977799394534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205944812348446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855967803097432,0.3347215724928975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260867649056215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537433828105339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215634715881488,0.0,0.11580374505588292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329511800322185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108656110585908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115753346202837,0.0,0.14959875131066794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851234687926466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980933891088777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108501124513559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bearserkr,2019/09/16,"I ruin everything [Vent] I'm afraid. 

My thoughts overwhelm me, my BPD is ruining my relationship and my reactions to anything. Every day is a war in my head.

I could make a split second decision to kill myself and I'm afraid I could actually go through with it if my boyfriend leaves me.

I'm a danger to myself, I'm afraid of myself. I don't want to be like this, I dont want to hurt. I can't sleep, eat, be happy. Why do I have to be this way, please someone end my life for me so I wouldn't have to go through with it myself, I'm sick of it",0.033123249299720214,1.8197884957983208,2.655651260504204,93.68554971988796,84.21008403361343,5.9834733893557415,20.841036414565828,7.1686216300943375,0.4002095238095236,417,13,101,6,12,145,64,119,0.20600000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.092,-0.9179999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,12,3,4,3,0,14,5,2,1,0,13,25,4,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,10,0,1,1,0,22,2,15,18,0,6,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,64,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.18920999545164555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595560663519957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24419937689043686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096129432636997,0.0,0.0,0.1250438851549395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272392265976772,0.0,0.0,0.19839926343442635,0.0,0.0,0.1717301924653955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633618308971437,0.0,0.1742570496543192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038585303683508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640095512250708,0.0,0.0,0.19898847013350848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075647080269349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451205933477252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530295156094056,0.0,0.0,0.13695119963103547,0.09472552329165014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942398651451972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283448571139416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816675580586347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403138320803234,0.0,0.16428351774474872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392807973306272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287242920434757,0.1539019344365824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495679199139247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nevkilly,2019/09/16,"Read me if you're sad This is long. Bear with me and read it. 

I use to think i was a worthless case and that I was just born to be the way I am. When i found out bpd was an actual mental illness - I felt this relief. Like I'm not a psychopath.. Im just damaged. But that doesnt make me less of a person. 

I know its hard. Dealing with such negative thoughts. Its been a constant fight with myself to think positively. Im an all of nothing period so something I feel like im on top of the world and other times I just want to bury myself and never exist. 

What Im trying to say is, that we all can get through this. It will not be easy. You will have to force yourself against your inner demon. But i promise you, help is there. We can and deserve to feel like alive. We aren't dead people breathing. 

Whatever you're going through, it will pass. You will get through it. We are always so hard on ourselves because we mirco manage each situation and exploit the smallest thing. But we have to look at the bigger picture. 
 
For example, just recently I was feeling like utter crap and felt like I wasnt enough. My feelings werent validated to my ex fp/so. So i told myself this, if i let myself be negatively effected by this, Ill just be constantly depressed OR i can learn from this and fight forward. My dream is to become a child youth worker. Meaning helping children/teens who have problems in their lives.

If i cant push through then I wont be able to make it to my dreams. Long term or short term. It always helps to have dreams. Featuring YOURSELF. Only yourself. 

I had this habit to plan the future so fast with my ex. Now that we are no longer together all the future plans  i had with him diminished. Gone. It broke me. Because of this experience, I learned to make sure you put yourself first in your future. Do not look to anyone to be apart of your future. I
Made a rule withmyself that if someone is going to be included in my future, they have to have known me for 3-7 years. Dont get me wrong, its not bad to plan having children or anything but once you include someone else, you rely on them to always be there. Make sure that you know where your life is going, even without your fp or so.

Its YOUR life. You are the only person guaranteed to always be there for yourself. Be your own best friend. Treat yourself. Love yourself. 

Stop telling yourself you're worthless. You are all worth something. To me, to your family, to your friends, to the person who sees you commuting to and from work, to the person you always see getting your coffee, to your pets and others. 

If you need someone to talk too, feel free to message me. I mean this when I say it. I bend myself backwards if it means helping someone. 

You are beautiful. You are handsome. You are loved. You are enough. 

Xoxo
-Nev",1.2153522659267717,3.6954883680430894,2.488437244981231,92.25321622871445,85.42728904847397,4.955649855829389,22.083918176377782,6.42735559955562,0.4692982645122679,2179,76,443,22,66,698,249,557,0.065,0.772,0.162,0.9958,2,0,2,0,2,0,78.0,7,27,3,9,21,29,3,0,17,0,54,8,2,7,7,85,94,32,1,9,24,2,9,5,2,5,4,2,1,6,34,24,0,1,20,5,2,8,15,12,0,1,15,15,81,18,61,63,12,51,1,6,4,2,65,18,1,10,31,311,115,7,0.07123969345794144,0.0,0.06951966436562422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963856592493168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981245007116937,0.0,0.058624197700616464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059482168353397424,0.0868541118180648,0.0786786444058382,0.0,0.0,0.07476166314429726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972390004658233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396960052654954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734449958306951,0.06135864358677956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834923901671557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951162260630623,0.0,0.0,0.14721929382497906,0.0,0.047053145651419666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968609002728741,0.06715844282179335,0.0,0.1801046476281087,0.15268095372215154,0.1368025551908212,0.0,0.0,0.06059644686251073,0.0,0.07811064681896443,0.11007922089581043,0.0,0.14887919808743705,0.0,0.12146147853458432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763354487296336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910018594262768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078043749094041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830294489109567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284741319764737,0.10063740459475164,0.17402057883819808,0.0,0.0629059544950501,0.12608977385572304,0.1196468006587926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285932094582488,0.06740872045363057,0.1902121942738461,0.0,0.0,0.2328027324224243,0.0,0.0,0.07179285525088216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282333002418544,0.054944443382557946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683564072180523,0.0,0.0,0.07586794852063193,0.0,0.10836199411659614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938863352980385,0.24881500993760644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816676550849489,0.0,0.07161556846059478,0.0,0.0,0.14251794386146366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034060286906096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330532717935958,0.0,0.0,0.11353762450354897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007640027287508,0.0,0.0,0.2414446443414821,0.10968759296088912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955957363315125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342851359939368,0.0,0.0,0.05725976708986651,0.06226663209883448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732848683163046,0.09129503807020584,0.0,0.056556359054626776,0.04154043814976467,0.0,0.0,0.06807258000905661,0.0,0.04836707556164817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152822200700031,0.0,0.0,0.042019016958306135,0.056546752732129314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686725222990661,0.0,0.05186334529803547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788942140182363,0.0,0.045876026901816906
bpd,eleighbee,2019/09/16,It Gets Better But right now it sucks - anyone awake..?,0.3810000000000002,2.389129099999998,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,108.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-2.655,41,0,8,0,2,12,9,10,0.187,0.597,0.21600000000000005,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637457013823244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5865728668185146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34651019995830784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663946307006967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alonuget,2019/09/16,"""Fun"" Times Multiple content warnings. Also:
Venting/Seeking Support/Input/DAE


I am about to f some stuff up - hello drugs, hello sex, hello reinventing my style, hello staying up literally all night excited that someone else is interested in me at all. Also hello feeling hopeless and like I'll never truly be loved again and that I have no future. But does that matter, when I will get a small fraction of affection from someone who is very attractive and who I love as a person? She doesn't want a relationship but I can't resist trying anything with her... She's such a good friend and realizing I was attracted to her helped me realize my relationship with my boyfriend is over. When I'm in a relationship sometimes I am able to feel so safe, loved, nurtured, invincible - like someone will always be there for and with me. And yet, what always happens...they leave. And then the void can only be filled by these attempts to feel better, but just as easily the things bringing me the confidence and comfort right now could leave and I would feel empty once more. Or even worse, they make me feel worse all of the sudden! Why can I never be happy - I'm not happy alone, but I'm unable to sustain any relationships. Is there any way to be happy ? To accept him leaving, to accept that she'll leave too (and sooner probably), that I can't hold on to anything, including happiness ?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I are breaking up, I am going to get involved with a girl friend, and I'm probably always going to feel empty no matter what I do",5.812430819316332,6.716245450171826,6.603089166214505,75.00081389039613,67.00687285223367,9.012913727618017,31.123349611141247,9.134995656068208,2.7614013745704464,1210,46,211,21,19,400,160,291,0.13699999999999998,0.632,0.23,0.9877,0,1,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,1,2,15,24,0,0,10,0,26,5,0,2,5,48,46,25,0,3,7,0,6,2,2,4,1,0,0,2,12,16,0,2,10,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,1,6,29,23,31,35,5,29,0,1,0,4,27,10,0,2,14,149,41,0,0.08800447649303836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114609688534286,0.0,0.1407542961126823,0.2196803230014956,0.0,0.0,0.11969212363470715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484037137282246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783280785016751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026441349026459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701331043075957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205725315979017,0.0,0.07351644762215663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812612673366671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26698624532121096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359840804679574,0.0,0.09195741343358986,0.0,0.10002994410990068,0.07381397953825393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37472960665372107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898754553853504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727361350513926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598908387337502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382824278773888,0.0,0.05874367142506246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574895515063104,0.0,0.0,0.08258623960198404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937218953096816,0.0,0.06693137000654573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768421143828218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897674204834852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779354919903963,0.0,0.07515534207676454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369772204169264,0.0,0.08703867752025213,0.0,0.0,0.09380106257339184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074407069799816,0.0,0.0998664370240706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058466263745004826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131611795634355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974926277321847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261290968112673,0.05190732035295716,0.0698538571689711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941035181428555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793681599583421,0.0625158551288719,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cyborgrev,2019/09/16,"What is this attack/episode that im experiencing? Hello you whos reading this, im having a hard time understanding what attack/episode i go through or what exactly to call it.. Firstly, im diagnosed with depression with anxiety, mini psychosis and TRAITS of bpd (i cant consider to have it yet because im below 18) The attack/episode makes me feel like im losing my mind, like my mind is melting. At the same time, i keep saying things i dont mean or blabber about random things. if someone tries to talk to me i tell them i dont understand (even though deep down i do but i cant get myself to say that i understand them idk why) then i get super emotional and i start crying and then laughing..and thats all. I dont know exactly what it is or what to call it, my therapist is on vacation so i cant talk to a medical professional yet. I'd appreciate any help. Thanks!",1.0166759776536338,3.3287637821229046,3.5239636871508395,85.73845949720673,84.36312849162009,7.155418994413407,24.592458100558662,8.238735603445708,1.7857975418994418,683,28,142,16,20,237,100,179,0.07400000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.131,0.9108,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,3,6,6,0,0,4,0,13,2,0,1,3,25,27,12,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,16,5,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,5,22,4,16,27,2,14,0,2,0,0,13,5,0,5,10,89,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648238424295486,0.0,0.07478864318194094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336595407084374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959558933454024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231294313819073,0.0,0.19965448313602635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738837472697284,0.0,0.0,0.08420337157973395,0.09922767338455457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437335153953716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997053373346392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457172576962733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943205286478744,0.06984210823387302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315739777329385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215455968578756,0.0,0.05556112614737956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875766980554015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552866719969411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280056044122826,0.0,0.0,0.08689649704165184,0.0,0.0,0.05372814308653474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552440279556876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937210574008784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525774991580874,0.0,0.0,0.10649287444573616,0.0,0.09848622145115042,0.0,0.0,0.19742609139248185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778973818720572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155490571641362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283451163106775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919735422313614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571568458164513,0.0854494176068525,0.0900072952047439,0.0,0.11351070556976064,0.12989916106453786,0.0,0.09605192824740384,0.0,0.1140131119151155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637485116473525,0.0,0.0,0.3053250732786495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821615594853884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,strshp_enterprise,2019/09/16,"No judgment: do you have dissociative episodes and psychotic features? I've been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder after seeing a therapist who also diagnosed me with BPD. I know some of the symptoms overlap. The problem I'm having is that I don't think I have DID. I'm hearing voices and I've experienced some of the other symptoms before - like lost time, but those might be features of BPD. What kind of dissociative symptoms have you guys had?",5.851898954703831,8.419604085365856,6.534668989547041,69.0767073170732,69.12195121951221,9.563763066202087,36.10452961672475,9.957137785484203,4.373628571428571,373,20,56,10,7,122,55,82,0.095,0.882,0.023,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,12,5,0,0,0,11,19,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,6,2,7,13,2,3,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,3,3,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983025402985386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878742147051446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404436401762067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549451758300805,0.0,0.0,0.20039722126399595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313242231061435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707256476843335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820829782388856,0.09609489240449254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542457156819286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190873213920406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549189614885375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731115301503774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393355744883473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452191058364128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301835149813466,0.0,0.11203904109381857,0.0,0.0,0.10195846248155732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ksoyeah,2019/09/16,"TFW you get fucked up, fucked, and then fucked over. This is my first post here. It’s more of a vent I suppose, but I really am seeking support. I don’t feel comfortable sharing the details of this story with my local friends. Apologies if this is too long. 

BUCKLE UP
Here’s the situation: 
I’ve (21 F) been seeing this guy (32) for only about a week, but have slept over at his place every night. They’ve been non penetrative sleepovers though! Just cuddles/talking about life/coexisting. On Saturday night I went out, had a few drinks, and went over to his place afterwards. Of course we had sex, and despite me previously telling him that I’m not on any BC, he didn’t use a condom and instead just pulled out. I knew I was partially responsible for not speaking up, so I joked about his pull out game and asked if I should be concerned/should take Plan B in the morning. He said he wasn’t worried. Then of course later in the day, he texts me and says that I should probably take it to be safe. So I do, while also informing him of all the potential side effects/how the huge amount of hormones can be really difficult emotionally. I knew we had plans to be together that night, so I wasn’t too worried and I felt relatively stable and sane. 

Then, you guessed it. He disappears. So I called him. It went to voicemail. Then a few minutes later he sends a text saying,
“rain check? Calling it a night.” To which I responded, 
“totally fair, but such bad timing. I’m having hot flashes, spotting, and my stomach hurts. I’m trying to not be a crazy bitch, but I need help.” He said,
“Holy fuck. That sounds awful. What do you need?” Very validating text. I said, 
“I don’t know, I’m just sad and in pain.” He said that he feels bad and apologized, and I said that I logically see that he may need alone time/to set boundaries, but that I’m having a hard time understanding that right now. 

Then he stopped responding. I’m assuming he went to sleep, but I can’t help but feel like he would have called me or stayed up if he actually cared. Now I feel like I need to show him that I care less by not talking to him. Why am I like this? 

Feeling abandoned and lonely. It’s not even that I need him, I just need someone to take care of me.",2.2365131794815696,4.234048793721975,3.4685825221480933,89.56956524116812,77.87892376681614,6.862430274526961,24.106748332057318,7.8500785054351265,1.1542581865908352,1726,59,371,28,41,560,219,446,0.133,0.7020000000000001,0.165,0.9521,0,3,1,0,0,0,72.0,2,3,0,3,22,25,5,0,15,1,32,11,3,1,2,69,81,36,0,12,20,0,8,3,1,4,1,9,0,1,24,19,1,3,13,4,1,8,11,13,0,1,22,19,48,12,40,50,7,56,0,4,2,6,54,22,5,7,26,220,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.07333154372707809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782847393149102,0.0,0.06009413699596871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511017785864543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025125842205411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548735007257736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301970508546715,0.0,0.22984871356392345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846287908921056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361435885368264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452900614010689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049633148251213836,0.0,0.06331364903410151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998008640446426,0.1073684703585753,0.0721518339414788,0.0,0.0,0.0639190512979668,0.0,0.0,0.058057524257520414,0.2778846387794875,0.039260623322282855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278166422678775,0.0744062404589257,0.0,0.0,0.0673159527041803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007374052671426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044522397742597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04129821310011736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307776082466861,0.11013745077395568,0.0,0.0,0.06650174342333592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343183288491687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820772897844843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715183166105608,0.07996051970031366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570229114446146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196898548212284,0.0,0.08101997366230755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628075616000792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417417510474185,0.3574047238178295,0.119518047596798,0.0,0.0,0.11976308217143125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446712310396265,0.07520015434798491,0.0,0.06367086440851387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009551481313464,0.0,0.0628253245768722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852746596525808,0.0,0.0,0.1695010602464352,0.12079883159588815,0.0656808155816039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738304503665717,0.0,0.13145450935725755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051019123133938984,0.0,0.0,0.07822951633102168,0.0,0.06490191723058382,0.0,0.0620032249468279,0.0,0.0,0.060277496127748874,0.0,0.0,0.2786439525846209,0.06780747291727987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526285875448995,0.0,0.05338148058410929,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NoLongeraSlave2fear,2019/09/16,"Shared wisdom ​

I never thought that I would make it to 18.

Then I never thought I'd make it to 21.

Then I never thought I'd make it to 30.

At forty I was amazed that i had not died yet from one of the many suicide attempts.

At 51 i tried again to do myself in. It was at that time I was diagnosed with BPD.

Now at 52, i sure wish I had made some plans for the ""what if"", i live to be 50, because i look back at the many lost opportunities that life had to offer, as where I let them slip by, because I was hiding a broken self in a cave of isolation.

Ps. What does DAE stand for?",1.3406976744186032,2.2799758217054285,3.1619302325581384,95.36940697674419,77.6046511627907,6.090232558139538,21.427131782945736,6.2581,-0.02656961240310141,447,11,113,3,10,150,77,129,0.111,0.743,0.146,0.5753,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,4,5,6,0,0,5,0,11,2,0,4,4,17,21,4,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,12,1,16,5,21,6,1,19,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,2,10,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882724145351352,0.18933424691413492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981336193036855,0.0,0.1899687292594528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962455768559971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815058824588835,0.16171305012258275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363561732087499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933304970044085,0.11005788595755372,0.0,0.0,0.1375889291610039,0.0,0.1308467164382565,0.0,0.1700922458872718,0.0,0.0,0.1474374522694556,0.3120264091084096,0.3159471903113721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605261468029269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558537351670952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255071583037398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043809099061027,0.0,0.14685531927744128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37110297150885707,0.0908579235111165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578925614585788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918142192368988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068765545287958,0.0,0.18933424691413492,0.0
bpd,eleanorrrachel,2019/09/16,"DAE have the unshakeable urge to do something drastic to their life, consequences be damned? i’m in my final year of university and working on applying to graduate programs but i suddenly can’t shake the need to drop all of my courses right this second. pretty often i feel like i want to do something like move away or change my course or something like that but it usually fades quickly enough, but right now all i can think of is how i NEED to drop out of school immediately.",7.429130434782608,7.133178434782611,7.36208695652174,75.05247826086959,63.56521739130434,10.838260869565218,35.791304347826085,10.355215969177356,3.580610434782608,384,16,72,8,5,123,64,92,0.091,0.755,0.154,0.81,0,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,1,2,0,7,1,0,1,2,16,13,7,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,9,3,14,12,3,17,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,10,49,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083737045722168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487340139605696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098766460992959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270327593344128,0.14510854593349035,0.0,0.22250738348456234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346924509497014,0.2977016489339161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158837859621346,0.0,0.30122093519759097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066454610702452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469257298657804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055676853105547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691137322674104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015071528913486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223707331839234,0.0,0.11980508970628445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787334844279093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080223946680486
bpd,thehollywoffle,2019/09/16,"What is my head right now Well hears what happend my puppy died and when I found out I collapsed cryed and started punching my self(as per usual when I hate myself and am feel extremely negative  emotions) but a day later I'm fine even when I talk or think about her all I get is a little sad but my sister and dad are still exstreamly upset about it, im not shure why I'm sharing this I guess just to say it but oh well(And if any of you have any advice on how to hide a cut I would really like to know because I have a pretty big cut on my head from me punching it,thanks)",3.5275,3.834273731707317,4.604623983739838,89.4342530487805,71.84552845528455,7.1256097560975595,25.944105691056908,6.6274283507984215,0.8533422764227647,451,13,101,3,8,148,85,123,0.17600000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.6925,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,11,9,3,1,4,0,7,2,2,1,1,20,18,13,1,2,7,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,17,4,10,16,1,15,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,3,10,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168530890238984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389547281473079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710091109377404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929906709970643,0.11330754445666025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234174720648072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976311416304154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604366594989335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883573362007059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926384661663216,0.0,0.0,0.09179241733238556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935458081701408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346060783816464,0.3606237105969299,0.0,0.19801894456233848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977874680534212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655635828421026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583479654562759,0.1760906885655184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874309233650815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255352822558312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500409867367722,0.0,0.13971824152789952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832862685584546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124356513046196,0.0,0.14030877336995676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141215495639125,0.0,0.1617546437438669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257707379636284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350117860900684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159384763553325,0.0,0.15853573696943207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248073700555878,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Underratted,2019/09/16,"How do I tell my loved ones? Recently found out that I have BPD and am just starting to learn about what that means for me. I can't believe it took this long (f21) but suddenly everything makes sense. Everything that I've learned so far sounds like someone is describing me and the past 9 years of my life. 

I know that I want to talk to my SO about this but don't know how. Does anyone have any advice or stories of how they started talking about what was really going on in their heads? I cope extremely well but still split on my SO especially and deal with suicidal ideation etc. which nobody else knows about. It's scary to even think about sharing something I've been hiding for so long.",5.089870235198704,5.8607473138686155,4.902871046228711,87.02386050283863,68.56204379562044,8.716626115166262,28.360908353609084,8.841846274778883,1.9005205190592047,550,18,115,9,9,169,94,137,0.092,0.807,0.10099999999999999,-0.3346,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,16,4,0,0,1,0,9,3,1,4,0,23,22,14,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,1,14,4,18,18,1,16,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,10,73,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793659440168226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990950891791848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301089536772033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209431580211324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203559115555668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666267113391656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414377967830381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501567872922432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025290378619294,0.10675078443917746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905135251257265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721180391951996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185434847626024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587231917600653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26647211388203795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415944391901126,0.0789610685634442,0.0,0.0,0.2860633881647998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458715011841651,0.0,0.10788492813560516,0.0,0.0,0.17605535160735072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095202531084177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428790003644546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035401400940414,0.0,0.1595836884068209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369430503809142,0.1244256513535225,0.0,0.0,0.2287958624736024,0.0,0.12907272015526516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678985490971522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259813662573415,0.1412660456365407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356180011426078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956963352645952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953297162083986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531891900077146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408022228741266
bpd,Sarah0528_0,2019/09/16,"I'm Aware of How Unaware I Have Been I have been recently diagnosed with BPD, but have always felt different, and irrational. 

Since getting my diagnosis just over a week ago, I have been obsessively reading about it, researching, and racking my brain for explanations. My brain is constantly going and even when slightly distracted it reverts back to thoughts of my diagnosis. I question all my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I can't trust my own judgement of situations or my reactions.

I stay up all night going through memories and connecting instances to BPD. I am consumed with guilt and self hatred. I just want to be okay, I want to be a better person. I always thought I was a pretty self aware and empathetic person . Being an apathetic person has been my identity for such a long time and now I feel like I'm lost. I feel like a fraud, I am slowly seeing how terrible and self involved I have been all my life. I don't trust me and I don't know how to stop this thought cycle.",3.432539682539684,5.8651838148148165,4.737804232804233,79.79654761904763,75.93121693121694,8.22116402116402,29.54761904761905,8.998388855275968,2.8048857142857133,787,36,144,19,18,260,103,189,0.203,0.669,0.128,-0.9478,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,12,0,3,6,1,21,4,2,3,3,36,40,16,0,2,4,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,6,3,12,0,1,11,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,12,6,28,7,16,25,4,16,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,2,14,100,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252258576179772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924710903270284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893277609242341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022888521747611,0.0,0.0,0.2913308443144389,0.2582220013017414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498368243263065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738900091569593,0.0,0.12083651681809908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639008471077106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23391778124317086,0.24787526587405906,0.1110484605757858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060425792984298836,0.0,0.13146060702068355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635618353515241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169166753501922,0.1695118986179784,0.0,0.0,0.1023524397003842,0.0,0.0,0.12625282668673748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853587179559224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029606111871869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766432793451045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956184632114084,0.0,0.11568788498260207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419692641977812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216332546540533,0.0,0.3619651309761388,0.0,0.0,0.09567232365371367,0.13000284923552138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327453278925415,0.0,0.09669408521333488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672736433922456,0.06744028577157046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643450275089045,0.0,0.09277273752706792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,artsypao97,2019/09/16,"Parents who make comments about your weight I never experienced my mom making unwanted comments about my weight up until about two years ago. I was at my lowest point, I had just went through a breakup, I lost my beloved fur baby, and also was admitted to the psych ward for the first time ever. There I was diagnosed with BPD and prescribed anti psychotic meds. Over time I started to notice this abrupt change in weight, I went from a size 4 in jeans to 10, my face was so chunky that people would notice. Thats where these ""motherly"" remarks would come in. My mom would always say things such as ""holy cow you need to stop binging on so much food or else you're gonna end up being as fat as (rebel Wilson) for example. ""you shouldn't have gotten that bob haircut because you were too fat for that."" ""those jeans make you look fat."" and that's the thing... I never had an issue with my gaining some extra weight (I'm fine with adding curves) until she gradually made me believe I was truly disgusting. Fast forward to this day, I have lost a total of 25 lbs and I look and feel great. I even get compliments each time I go out and see friends. Today however, my mom said to me wow you look so skinny just now. And I asked annoyed, ""you mean in a bad way right?"" yes you shouldn't lose more weight or else you'll be tooo skinny.

You really can't make people happy. I thought I looked good..... Idk what the problem is. Now I'm back to feeling insecure and back to square one.",2.6588133368338163,4.611481556313997,3.3838395904436886,90.87386387503281,76.44027303754267,6.282436334996063,22.190732475715414,7.1686216300943375,0.6169286951955897,1148,32,239,13,26,362,180,293,0.109,0.784,0.107,0.0926,3,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,10,0,5,19,16,3,1,9,1,20,13,6,5,4,42,50,19,0,8,4,5,7,0,1,7,4,2,0,0,13,14,11,1,5,0,0,5,5,9,0,3,16,16,37,7,35,25,6,41,0,3,6,0,24,14,0,3,23,150,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544605244156262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806349418595795,0.07081943879193811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795675977422967,0.0,0.0,0.13089070742776535,0.07106439953242942,0.05188307247478411,0.0,0.0,0.0958913153175357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719473174945048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003649428632289,0.07331586842046836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488976219667722,0.0,0.0,0.08638620118034895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219917809960433,0.0,0.07538336972443961,0.0,0.0,0.05621522608193711,0.07698806429261207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606968435077432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239564779311097,0.10291694950982433,0.0,0.06575679695704653,0.0,0.04446715338324177,0.0,0.048370726204302834,0.07138733958247813,0.0,0.09383553398412646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060258588257666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883410850827944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858883016596599,0.09521779970961514,0.18581812607095696,0.0,0.0,0.08053439164870392,0.2272498757864233,0.0,0.0,0.0927111818946968,0.09453949278525542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990440582206981,0.0,0.0,0.06256661537750294,0.06310896750047076,0.13128619835870622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937996105075666,0.0,0.0,0.05767363510615262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450605185209884,0.0,0.0,0.11801094958981112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045771056626448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144004149526644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452449285989365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268460472979679,0.08096035838983964,0.06768394010107352,0.0,0.0,0.06782270496383401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024223242543723,0.0,0.0,0.07115687699044111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130883621284868,0.0,0.0,0.06756888336818624,0.14888729051813926,0.0,0.08067558231848211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314139532990351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755740652463978,0.0,0.51821331093827,0.0,0.15779809807376002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138192550887705,0.0,0.0,0.054808901473494924
bpd,CeeUNextTuesday-,2019/09/16,"In love with falling in love. I’m not sure if this is a BPD thing or just a me thing but is anyone else in love with the feeling of falling in love? It’s hard for me when I’m in a long term relationship to not want to end it after the newness wears off because I miss that feeling of falling in love and having someone fall in love with me. I tend to hop from one relationship to another desperately wanting to fall in love and have someone fall in love with me. I’m worried I’ll never really settle down with anyone becuase I’ll always be chasing that new love feeling. 

This is a throwaway account.",5.507465437788022,5.099987258064517,6.544377880184332,79.69370967741938,67.54838709677419,8.698617511520737,33.843317972350235,7.957251820313856,2.427393087557604,476,20,96,5,7,160,66,124,0.11,0.57,0.32,0.992,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,6,0,6,10,1,0,2,20,25,6,0,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,1,6,3,1,0,1,0,4,6,10,26,24,1,25,0,1,0,9,11,11,0,2,8,63,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498606900449157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709942772451668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283296734914308,0.10465130702244646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226169612076885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863782917203553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532226016263403,0.0,0.09046296285987553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493043135204293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149458579857504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038792774930723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8296427246334174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877426101772861,0.19728887688713767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921059551561037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543150287083792,0.0,0.0,0.21931357822150252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308049971734102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626280386476352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357104138553353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048596021022695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372496293567962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clown05,2019/09/16,"Sisters BDP is so bad im afraid she will kill herself To make a long ass story as short as i can-

I am 21.My sister is 17 and has BPD. She is extremely impulsive, puts herself in danger and self harms. My mother has tried everything to help and support her but its so tiring living with a person who doesnt learn from their mistakes.  She has hurt other family members, stolen money, is manipulative and lies. When she is punished/grounded for the bad things she does she threatens to kill herself. When she wants mum to collect her from school she will ring her 10 times after mum says no, text her things like fuck u asshole and other horrible things.

She had sex with strangers in the bathroom of a shop. 

At 16 she owed my mum 1000 euro. (Stolen money, begged mum to buy stupid shit, written down mums bank details and used them herself)

Ive suicide proofed her room multiple times but she still finds a way to self harm. The other day i thought we had a positive talk about everything because by the end she gave up her pliers (tool she used for pulling blades out of pencil sharpeners) that i didnt even know she had. but unbeknownst to me while i was out of the house things got bad again. When i arrived home she had cut herself all over her forearm.

She has changed schools a number of times, and right now she is saying she feels bad and doesnt want to go to school. This is our last resort as no other school will take her. (She has been kicked out private school she begged to go too that was extremely expensive). 


My mum is tired and i am tired. After i have a big talk with her she says she understands now and thanks me for for being there, but then goes and does the exact opposite. I try my best to be understanding and supportive but it feels like its for nothing. How do you help someone who doesnt realize their mistakes,? That theyre are consequences to their actions? We have been stuck in a loop for years and  have tried different methods but nothing has changed.

This was still really fucking long even tho i tried summarising the big points. Im scared ill find my sister dead and theres nothing i can do about it.",3.5842515379357494,5.494395497607659,3.7189104579630943,89.67137320574166,73.68899521531101,6.882406015037595,25.57922077922078,7.6583078777640585,1.2334485850991121,1690,57,342,22,35,519,215,418,0.24,0.695,0.065,-0.9984,2,0,1,0,0,1,41.0,3,1,4,1,19,25,8,2,15,0,43,10,3,5,3,50,67,32,4,4,6,10,2,2,0,3,4,4,2,3,19,22,0,0,10,1,8,5,6,19,0,0,15,6,63,6,45,47,2,43,0,1,0,4,67,16,4,0,23,227,82,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26044595675897514,0.04753694022322672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183701698139492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982152619796184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498866557596384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050291766079943054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147431271084238,0.0,0.0,0.13648467892922436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906866863287081,0.0,0.0,0.103012397470909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016990543979202,0.0,0.07351423703674488,0.0,0.07885981390179372,0.05571016515233132,0.0,0.0,0.1425477811682396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418570990161028,0.0,0.0,0.08863763113665052,0.0,0.062369115104732475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045390227821499,0.0,0.07822203576078735,0.0,0.0,0.08998044907180144,0.08348105730726277,0.0,0.1684673052804471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255046571887628,0.0,0.042856720685691616,0.0635655199256048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619587080617322,0.0,0.06885929833190123,0.13802275832594502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052053411863017526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447672602576135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809064076794502,0.0,0.0,0.07371794296771947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839317968261385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995709456185789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659597331805067,0.0,0.18604261050003928,0.07807331807752807,0.3946083817793381,0.0,0.0,0.16270390799146112,0.0,0.08004712760093885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607366873615335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455262433093585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852993582129608,0.17698549142736092,0.0,0.0,0.058632557759820826,0.12535752508982445,0.0,0.07179510194594907,0.0,0.0,0.2072303914945377,0.0,0.0,0.06190878481964869,0.13641532568833134,0.2688855891837189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177790956518824,0.0,0.0,0.16236346704142604,0.0,0.1347023577980958,0.0,0.0,0.09199129232107572,0.06189826936634965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050217678883850494
bpd,TuesdayNewMoon,2019/09/16,"BPD and people that only associate you with it? 🔫 So yeah I have emotions like anyone else. Just because I have BPD doesn't mean my emotions are just my BPD acting up? 🙄 Anyone else get this type of treatment? 

I need to talk to other people like me because obviously it's easy for people that aren't this way to judge and become illiterate ignorant fools trying to understand it or in this case I would assume they are not trying to understand it. *whew* had to get that out.",1.3767730496453936,4.004052031914895,3.1564893617021283,86.38416666666667,87.19148936170214,5.686524822695036,19.5354609929078,7.1686216300943375,0.7177120567375885,377,11,71,6,12,125,60,94,0.055999999999999994,0.83,0.115,0.6841,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,16,14,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,9,2,12,12,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,47,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261666126362424,0.29690762320901665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664349101931912,0.1600162631980795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.547440159147432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420689257734301,0.325956655598978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139491234110913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156889944173456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782437358895526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743184435854188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101930612949359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013391235288808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645464954951518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967374692749484,0.0,0.0,0.3016648683899125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500452424558685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292353877482867,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Snowbunny3636,2019/10/06,"Emptiness For some reason I have this void of emptiness inside of me. And it's like the roller coaster of emotions that lead right to it.  I feel like I block everyone away to where they're not able to get sucked into the black hole. And  yet at the same time I want people around me because it's lonely.  A part of me feels like it's me looking for my purpose in life and there isn't one.  

So you just putting on a puppet show. Because your just trying to fit in.",2.210025773195877,3.702369422680413,3.0067912371134007,95.10132087628868,76.42268041237114,5.2623711340206185,22.434278350515466,5.148860815047168,-0.04172061855670073,362,10,81,1,8,114,68,97,0.14,0.7490000000000001,0.111,-0.5994,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,7,5,1,0,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,16,8,4,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,2,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,4,11,3,17,8,3,14,0,1,2,0,2,10,1,1,5,55,17,1,0.2288885103972753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375930143579135,0.0,0.0,0.21504829006725926,0.0,0.0,0.2790566229436677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25746876664568075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871278048621945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314658163741918,0.32703599512380066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958479965769575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167072393103352,0.33547009372460945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220870168931045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551007783264023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478639517377401,0.0,0.15868247335830668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009617238003896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353355100159737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954695372536997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346673108529308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540027392332925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350043737291294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayhelpra,2019/10/06,"Would this be a bad idea? My boyfriend has BPD, which is why I follow this subreddit. It helps give me some insight. Now my boyfriend of two years and change just started therapy and has been experiencing some rage flair ups lately. I saw someone recommend this book called The DBT workbook by Matthew McKay in the subreddit and I decided to check it out. It appears to be a self help book that helps implement coping strategies and self soothing methods based of DBT methods. It also has some really great reviews. I don’t want this gift to appear like I’m being rude or mean but I think maybe it would be beneficial. How could I deliver this gift in a thoughtful manner?",4.295325697924123,6.544863385826776,4.615089477451684,82.53841088045813,72.62204724409449,7.767788117394417,29.65569076592699,8.575989854853784,2.4046125984251967,538,23,98,10,11,169,87,127,0.048,0.741,0.21100000000000002,0.9599,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,5,0,13,0,0,1,0,24,24,8,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,0,6,2,1,3,1,3,0,1,3,2,9,2,10,14,3,11,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,6,5,63,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465835413550758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304637930099954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308577245757028,0.0,0.18716800346116846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939052401222164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634873456927933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758363801834899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020869636630488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685828522332337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692140895154465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067684057540894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895502643979493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184147725383247,0.19966552596036066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742555020987523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38244009353941305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530800927825794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973944217336364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961751926291733,0.0,0.0,0.11745011498049952,0.0,0.1455183329621093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905575237384633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081140547709832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539815708178054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26041963019856235,0.0,0.0,0.11803806095843684
bpd,Payme666,2019/10/06,"My boyfriend through 5,5 years broke up with me. Now I am alone and waiting to die. About two months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he felt that we had become more friends than romantic partners. It absolutely broke me, and I haven’t been able to heal yet. About a month ago, I had a suicide attempt, swallowed some pills, not enough for anything serious to happen though, maybe I wasn’t ready to die. But I can’t really do this anymore now. I’m Holding on for my mom and my family, but every day is fucking hard. I honestly just want to die, also because I believe that it’s the only way he will love me again. And if not, at least I won’t be here to find out. 

I don’t have many friends, and the ones I have, I’m not very close with (I struggle a lot with this) and I don’t feel 100% safe with them. I’ve always felt alone, but at least I had him. Not anymore, now I am seriously alone. I honestly don’t know how to keep going, I feel like I’m just waiting to die, because living is too much for me to handle. I’m not even living, I’m surviving. I’m so fucking tired. 

5,5 years..... what is life even now? What am I supposed to do now?",1.4786402990948453,3.0372780289256203,3.0447815820543087,93.75816804407715,78.62809917355372,6.0971271153089335,23.92050373868556,6.868970318607317,0.6092189689098775,881,30,205,9,21,290,124,242,0.168,0.693,0.14,-0.5112,1,3,0,0,0,2,44.0,1,0,1,2,19,15,2,1,5,0,23,8,0,1,0,40,43,14,5,2,11,1,5,1,3,2,4,0,0,1,8,14,1,5,6,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,7,5,29,7,28,33,7,23,0,3,0,3,10,7,2,3,15,134,37,0,0.10866767248118613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265467004480347,0.0,0.0,0.33764080870562563,0.0,0.08690149842265582,0.09042020869008907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155382624533748,0.0,0.0,0.08942423536625617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987284135829824,0.12001490667004325,0.0,0.12243125461713965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700816588981203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451119550490293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122827543729482,0.0,0.1435479456091913,0.0,0.09155720086368244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024422104400783,0.0,0.10989128060942838,0.077632206933387,0.20867601389725465,0.0,0.09932028396692744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791274839429562,0.20092302432262127,0.0,0.0,0.061758342518553125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609446389461332,0.0,0.09734489003701516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658882027922824,0.0,0.0,0.059720910890510084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675519075833412,0.0530895357581517,0.0,0.19191109136987666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238536915076244,0.09807681708346684,0.0,0.0,0.11017196383029676,0.10917128293526368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727026464813304,0.17347499884882714,0.0,0.07988324273632004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363602721472022,0.08264666167480414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961529358623053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360304555858418,0.0,0.11886479621747388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676543647685637,0.0,0.0,0.12489750385672432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615252598373967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896622103962953,0.06409500871171436,0.08625534035175797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995683653658378
bpd,MiniPanini,2019/10/06,"Giving 100% all the time Sure we pwBPD are not the easiest people but the amount of time and energy I give to people only to get back not even half of what you'd give.

I'd do so much for the people I care about and it only scares them away because we are too 'emotional' or too 'heavy' and when you complain about not getting 100% back (not to them of course) they tell you 'that's just how people are'.

Well seriously I hate that. Always getting portrayed as too emotional, too much. Sometimes I feel like the empathy part of BPD is such a positive trait and it's just that this individualistic society can't grasp people actually caring a lot about people and portrays it as 'bad' because we are clingy, empathetic, oversharing, overcomfortabele too soon and generally know really well how other people are feeling.",7.049019607843139,7.400096516339872,7.6216993464052285,70.69764705882355,64.22875816993465,10.72156862745098,31.37908496732026,10.504223727775694,3.2502104575163404,649,22,116,15,9,215,91,153,0.086,0.711,0.203,0.9616,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,3,3,0,21,11,1,1,7,0,9,0,0,2,2,27,21,14,0,0,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,0,2,13,6,14,20,6,7,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,2,7,87,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.11608810879439126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898451314458707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176713340370267,0.18294628100558788,0.09932689540644472,0.14503420973018094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982635438635886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24257594217813505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676286891653437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857216718959482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029982088674115,0.08498527396656444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645556659227264,0.34235272646569465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744868423713856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537747893625866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058118001785465875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113580713371573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489904093822814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094936270153908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882243030705534,0.0,0.5773047353310385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620902498321515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910002973702888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765479494991755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211869058189884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397656011878137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873343455556433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391922241181013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_LookWhatYouveDone_,2019/10/06,"daoe have black and white thinking about food? I’m 20 and eat like a 12 year old, it’s genuinely so embarrassing. Can’t eat vegetables if they’re cooked or combined with dairy . Most of the time don’t eat meat or dairy because It’s “unnatural” and I think of meat as an animal corpse. Have a big thing about texture of food I guess. It’s crazy how much I can relate to  people with bpd in exact detail about seemingly random things , just wondering if anyone can relate ?",4.052857142857143,5.491600430107528,4.817235023041476,84.18870967741938,71.58064516129029,8.325038402457759,24.038402457757297,8.841846274778883,1.5603499231950853,372,10,75,7,7,120,67,93,0.11,0.862,0.027999999999999997,-0.8088,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,6,7,0,1,1,19,12,10,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,7,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,11,12,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,4,41,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334326165870269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163280604012512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24034342290939825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5857995055154558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615042459064075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022051290966046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322978950521103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028184271996125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002437491804064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229733916167505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372426125852145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535576478581692,0.2445520305408625,0.0,0.0,0.11127437716023457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694675212046465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288811932318923
bpd,cam0rra,2019/10/06,"Struggling with dating Having spent about a year single after getting my heart broken I've started casually dating someone new and I can feel myself screwing it up already. It's only been a couple of months but quite often I split on him when we're together and can't even seem to stop myself. 

There are lots of reasons why I've convinced myself we shouldn't be seeing each other and I think I'm trying to push him away so he breaks things off with me so I don't have to be the one to do it, instead of dealing with it in a healthy way because I don't know what else to do even though he's really sweet.",4.420334645669289,4.697383346456693,5.467391732283463,84.13919783464569,69.86614173228347,7.2948818897637775,26.898622047244096,6.6274283507984215,1.142843307086613,483,14,98,3,8,160,88,127,0.067,0.8270000000000001,0.106,0.7709999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,11,5,1,1,4,0,13,2,1,1,0,18,22,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,5,1,1,1,4,2,0,1,2,3,13,3,18,17,3,17,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,3,9,72,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536046435178156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187023426889332,0.0,0.0,0.12448985202751806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259641580661227,0.0,0.0,0.21054055983618328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059855744528252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697691113044648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325913402767947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669586592920352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420001971989811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223328198013913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361947485607426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300545463882518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972357373843071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838390746314194,0.1553175587269785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721177407618045,0.0,0.0,0.1308277579609913,0.20997088339754705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273590021402912,0.1859130763726772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303388070946912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454707947558254,0.0,0.0,0.1707360159054878,0.0,0.2134937738869152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567386043156918,0.13085512639877894,0.20064388099853556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865112321420373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209933491704384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842756540055747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151017680270086
bpd,TheDeathSongKid,2019/10/06,"Identity and personality? Hello, all! I hope everyone is having a good day. I don’t believe I meet 5 of the 9 criteria anymore these days, however I still struggle with impulse control (which may be from my adhd anyway). But I was wondering about the identity problems people face. How do you figure out who you are? I have no idea how I would describe myself and I always feel like I never know who I am. It’s incredibly annoying. I feel like I don’t have a stable sense of self. I don’t even know how to describe the problem of not having an identity. What does that even mean anyway? Beyond some personality traits that I can ascribe to myself, I am pretty lost in this department. Sorry for the long post",2.21478260869565,4.758237000000001,4.500898550724639,79.17960869565219,81.17391304347827,7.1582608695652175,25.142028985507245,8.238735603445708,2.04396463768116,558,22,100,12,15,193,93,138,0.128,0.753,0.12,0.3693,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,2,10,9,1,1,7,0,17,1,1,4,2,26,25,6,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,2,20,4,12,20,2,10,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,4,7,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604441893296107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357329769202346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177605884146828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837858914285504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295843597429293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040411933472933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427516913362056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548490398977704,0.0,0.0,0.15587282385173973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496169242229902,0.2330729093553016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368214191080047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201982360984016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414814623531986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929834794653593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938916390837796,0.0,0.0,0.14436039523626096,0.0,0.0,0.17807008815368924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769082792834945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581197221938573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309026003487788,0.2848687254876597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622855363076454,0.1659566585374827,0.0,0.3121769802535717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017483746168818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260496016988176,0.0,0.0,0.1302717486174708,0.0,0.0,0.1705335542159815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690198577672167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587924223825173,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,timeywimey456,2019/10/06,"Am I a stalker? Am I a stalker??

After my first rollercoaster relationship we decided to call it quits and I accepted it and got on with my life. I see him all around campus and sometimes he talks to me. Before talking to me he unfriended me on Facebook so I just got on with my life. However afterwards, a couple of days later, I accidentally like one of his tweets one evening, and he deactivated the account. And I only realised this after two or so months. Then on his birthday weekend I on two occasions get off the bus early from uni to my house and his area is along the way to my place. Then later on campus I'm getting a bus from the gym and realise that I MIGHT see him and understand what I'm doing is not okay so I move away. I've since avoided my impulses to see him.

I mean, it was intentional that I got off the bus earlier than usual and I knew that I have to walk past his area. I think I was hoping to see him on all of those occasions. I was going home but I also was at that bus stop hoping to see him. Another occasion went to the bar with my friend because he sometimes goes there with his friends. Not cool, I know.

The second time I got off the bus top early and when I waited it’s like I ENJOYED doing those things?? I hate myself for it who the fuck am I? 

What if he saw me? What if I ruined his day?I feel SO GUILTY. I feel like dying. I know what I did isn’t okay, but I just need some help. I’m sick to my stomach. I'd appreciate your input as my friends, therapist and family keep on saying I'm NOT a stalker but I just can't get out of this spiral.

tl;dr am i a creepy stalker",0.724538558786346,2.7559498230088515,3.1897884534344705,89.4447079646018,83.21828908554572,6.234167720185419,21.485124315212808,7.447530270364453,0.7734189801938465,1246,40,274,20,35,431,163,339,0.105,0.77,0.125,0.7962,1,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,1,0,3,12,17,2,1,15,3,17,6,1,1,2,53,51,26,1,5,12,0,2,3,3,1,3,1,1,0,19,19,1,4,10,3,1,4,5,4,0,6,12,10,58,13,42,38,3,42,0,1,6,1,28,19,1,7,21,193,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335135433797917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929248724287144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278530748596757,0.0,0.0,0.097925942902341,0.0,0.0,0.06353661988280597,0.0,0.08869062831978654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064287738787378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532665983900407,0.0,0.13443729485538358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817254645836848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688418260682219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825718930676916,0.0,0.10540194628384908,0.07446073664544654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865656052339513,0.0,0.0,0.2415796374627544,0.09635740751857452,0.16336499480565225,0.0,0.05923535938993867,0.0,0.3334436537335366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290389308830647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698620496211925,0.0,0.10454950885046782,0.20704449007865086,0.0,0.12026549379730288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264292480925093,0.0,0.0,0.1145623239040498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472390975598916,0.1527620853588021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353520217585275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056978241222257,0.0,0.0,0.08319405510998333,0.11077821522597486,0.0,0.07728398277150128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125562177452838,0.07927033833874315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994977304807712,0.0,0.0,0.10889641639981604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085965401017238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119022153489767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288654794803399,0.0,0.0,0.4152824051433309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621874801485749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616895829003296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713954724995404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754956006171098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101711943697535,0.06924466820289901,0.06678530249901775,0.0,0.0,0.06077637484833168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363185831639244,0.10850536277495976,0.0,0.0,0.11479277539843552,0.0,0.0,0.0827315934442854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662070206438704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wintercemetery,2019/10/06,"How to keep my friend safe & get support My friend hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD. I must say that outright but I believe it’s 99.9% likely. She told me this weekend she hasn’t been completely honest with her therapist who said she has CPSTD a few months ago. 

I have suspected for a while that she must be keeping things from him otherwise he would have changed the assessment by now. 

This weekend she let me know for months she has been self harming and cutting herself for relief of her emotions and thoughts. She also admitted this weekend she was planning her suicide. She had thought about it before (which I knew of) but this weekend she was thinking of ways to do it. Even for a couple of days she was purposely not drinking to dehydrate herself. 

Once I went round after she messaged me this she opened up about other experiences that confirmed back to me about my BPD suspicions. She asked me what I thought and I just said it doesn’t sound like CPSTD and she needs to be more honest with her therapist. 

I don’t think it’s my right to let her know my thoughts that she has BPD and another thing is I want to keep her safe. I want a professional to handle letting her know. I don’t want her googling and scaring herself and possibly attempting suicide after reading about it. She may not but given her state of mind I don’t want to chance it. 

Today, I have been trying to encourage her to go along to a mental health centre to get an assessment but she is afraid someone will throw away the key and call her crazy. I have even said to her I will take the day off of work to go with her and support her. I have also let her her know that they won’t throw away the key and she isn’t crazy but I know whatever I say won’t really reassure her. 

Those who have BPD and those who have friends/loved ones do you have any advice in how to encourage them to seek the support they need?",3.0318101225016107,5.028016632978723,3.572253384912962,89.74515151515153,75.48936170212765,6.898001289490651,26.021598968407478,7.793537801064563,1.38953475177305,1498,55,307,22,33,469,167,376,0.086,0.77,0.14400000000000002,0.9563,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,3,3,13,19,1,2,11,0,44,3,0,2,2,57,81,21,2,9,8,0,1,2,2,8,2,6,0,1,27,17,1,5,14,6,0,5,11,4,0,1,19,7,72,15,45,48,2,29,0,0,1,0,64,7,0,1,17,230,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769618758173066,0.06981464112000331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596625711190534,0.0,0.08533478092648336,0.0,0.05355846761497533,0.08258513408559068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362854783504927,0.0,0.14799237036441795,0.06056041018243316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701766623398532,0.08873383760673502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967741974486748,0.0,0.08042121451411892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331602957188028,0.0,0.08257676856435492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871447608771359,0.0,0.10158540904155422,0.0,0.0,0.0799382000509284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715332741289811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859269017851787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040384674182962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704090668583867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169721362991028,0.0,0.08229611105190028,0.0,0.08952051913605459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371658206461854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100124691219975,0.0,0.0,0.21641800638474176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221435302377889,0.0,0.07695483084466072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937002434671445,0.0,0.0795236139813676,0.0,0.12572853577966542,0.0,0.0,0.11679683097831975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387521153985365,0.05336878480343027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878835330276863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877979385691766,0.0,0.0504546994584256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672593121832387,0.2247520519504242,0.12526380996286832,0.07885097870225798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821622719497401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673180511068952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722979897200598,0.268122571682354,0.0,0.0,0.05921657586766833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288933278909192,0.10464726995444316,0.10093050860067893,0.0,0.2501017450519684,0.0,0.0,0.07465383071002539,0.07525710342320033,0.0,0.05347183854844973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858151698996418,0.06251481606899313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300990065034653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733711195386053,0.0,0.0,0.055947764993473315,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stoneycat12,2019/10/06,"Routine help? Hey guys, 

I guess lately I've been pretty severely low, and I feel like my hygiene and self care is starting to get pretty.. Not good? Does anyone here have a routine or some sort of self care plan that's easy to utilize, and works for them? I really don't like feeling dirty, I just feel like sometimes it's hard to keep up with everything I have to do. I forget super easy. Especially as a female, I feel like there is so much upkeep you have to remember to do and I don't 😩

TIA",1.897562028047464,3.5919835242718428,3.6519741100323637,89.26354908306368,77.83495145631069,6.519525350593313,22.124056094929887,7.3871296695380915,0.7279285868392664,385,11,83,5,9,129,68,103,0.132,0.573,0.295,0.965,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,3,4,9,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,0,0,18,20,7,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,11,8,11,19,2,4,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,4,6,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164978027708217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325602422035398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973430510675686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350727486171522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32294969319243666,0.3422195638082049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342457423064635,0.0,0.0,0.13392938285928652,0.0,0.0,0.17590207459351506,0.15810520580466514,0.0,0.0,0.14303911191571042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702804021378924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192813889330474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012246455773445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120402126491002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738087221224937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32489756361566713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229309177440617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088276672800008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33315559958389424,0.18038941304902348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792450749975606,0.0,0.11302011054050864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624666320742907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,b_csgxo,2019/10/06,"How to deal with suicidal thoughts? I’m not doing too great at the moment. My mental health keeps declining, I’m working a terrible part time minimum wage job, still live at home with my parents. Each day all together I would say I think about suicide for a good two hours.  It’s constantly in my head.  I’m not at a low enough point to actually do it but I don’t know how to handle the constant thoughts about it.",2.8492857142857133,4.553011071428575,4.120952380952383,86.8907142857143,75.19047619047619,8.133333333333335,27.47619047619048,8.841846274778883,2.065090476190477,326,13,69,7,7,107,60,84,0.121,0.8370000000000001,0.042,-0.7461,3,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,4,2,1,2,1,15,12,3,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,6,2,12,9,4,13,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,42,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.17055816192060716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777459557247769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271738134409695,0.18018849206849927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805924437579292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659553360837546,0.0,0.1926934139342296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937269977916315,0.185780891063637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753166317592607,0.0,0.17212117002423954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344024303885755,0.15535075881718638,0.0,0.0,0.09605344383825663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543322176601645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761351632283981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407033770284535,0.18926759299896892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652217477546224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899051812080093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957797417376006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823576317766853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199071534518007,0.0,0.2775084929796875,0.10191448478430687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073275576056987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724049987589822,0.0,0.0,0.12415731002352152,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ArthurDev,2019/10/06,"Self-diagnosed unsure what to do Throughout the last couple of years of my life (19M) I've struggled a lot with mood swings, feeling restless and relationship issues in regards to fear of abandonment. I've never been able to pinpoint what the cause might be, first I thought the restlessness might be that it's because of some sort of allergy since I'm allergic to a whole bunch of things like certain trees and grass and whatnot, and got tested for diabetes which I ended up not having and everything looked fine.

 A couple weeks ago I ended up watching a documentary in which they started talking about bipolar personality disorder, and to my suprise everything seems to fit exactly what I've been experiencing the last couple years. One of the biggest being anxiety and fear of abandonment. Last year I was in a relationship whilst joining a big webdevelopment project which gave me a hell of a lot of stress and that combined with my now ex sometimes not talking to me for what felt like months but was 2/3 days at a time I felt miserable even though she just needed to do her own stuff.

Mostly I was feeling a super bad burning feeling when I hadn't talked with her for a while, I thought I did something wrong or she wanted to break up without really anything happening. I always thought it was all just me overthinking shit but even if I tried I can't get myself over it. The feeling was sort of comparable to when you feel nervous but instead of it being the ticklish type it was way more intense kinda burning and it would keep going until I got validation like a simple text or whatever. I wasn't able to stop thinking about her or these sorta conspiracy thoughts even getting mad at her sometimes, saying shit like she's pushing me away even thought in the back of my mind I know I was being an ass. If she'd make a sarcastic joke I'd feel really offended whilst when we were just friends it was fine.

Now it's been a while since all that happened, I don't have the burning feeling anymore mostly the mood swings as in feeling hyper for 5 minutes and after that I feel ruined for the rest of the day. Sometimes I feel lonely or just feel upset by certain triggers or randomly. I used to have random feelings of depression, but that's gotten fairly better only happening once or twice a week (lightly)

I'm kinda twisted about what to do, since I don't want to self-diagnose and wanna know for certain what is causing all of this but on the other hand it's not nearly as bad as it was a year ago and I don't have much spare time since I work full-time as an intern. I'm not sure if therapy or anything would even really be of much help for the mental issues.",7.239175824175824,6.803883115384616,7.401318681318681,75.07653846153849,64.0,10.120879120879124,35.68681318681319,9.516144504307137,3.2810467032967026,2140,89,393,35,28,694,244,520,0.168,0.7240000000000001,0.109,-0.9888,0,2,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,1,4,21,38,5,9,32,0,39,8,4,5,9,102,83,38,0,9,24,1,15,4,1,4,4,1,0,1,29,16,0,4,23,1,0,2,12,22,0,3,27,20,43,14,67,45,15,55,1,6,2,1,22,17,4,25,38,278,72,4,0.12930513136436875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462119712932732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537961138566294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945903578501688,0.0,0.0641179724940889,0.0,0.0,0.10640710560165824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074321369073151,0.049713832244886465,0.10796438361030256,0.03941160395644045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717994041087054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328319886489259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146105026476532,0.0,0.08339111258339722,0.0,0.055685160085732884,0.13124198648320196,0.0,0.0,0.07409744150739264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452596659249407,0.0,0.0,0.2135120494010688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162111144272931,0.0,0.0,0.1455042217512992,0.3922833576138561,0.0,0.12415320386221095,0.0,0.0,0.05499343934148754,0.0,0.0,0.04995041186843225,0.0,0.06755659426539802,0.0,0.0367435429961462,0.0,0.10341712580063553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151615094313566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043335251959173496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496096261659704,0.0,0.057466170984279315,0.0,0.0,0.07106271857653096,0.1581014102819202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04566601914484681,0.12634391146032262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054291872008283455,0.0,0.0,0.10993059869073074,0.0,0.0,0.04315608962825823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651545797619065,0.1371723104571253,0.06528066096427451,0.0,0.051605061106063714,0.0,0.0950541495919125,0.04793905824365456,0.049864044358347764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885287242004476,0.043810251727799315,0.04917118955748909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056452126587973175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425426729870062,0.0,0.0,0.13882531999079994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141431519444816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058857267616510486,0.1348934524143281,0.0,0.13272985918085725,0.21392508173392824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977270370072075,0.19182912186451265,0.0,0.04576141875477945,0.0,0.0,0.054052439860561366,0.07405929555072438,0.06758889922800322,0.07401171971528284,0.0,0.0,0.060934278023772485,0.0,0.0,0.15589584989903527,0.0,0.0,0.07393584338454777,0.0,0.04295229183330074,0.04142675353295986,0.06352081752374067,0.2566345769499413,0.07539886194288474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043894848192332366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583905855748972,0.0,0.0,0.07626751665913772,0.051318197309293566,0.10372077681520757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218228070793073,0.0,0.06232276618543914,0.0,0.04706783782497116,0.0,0.0,0.09185465537578744,0.07068743124367527,0.0,0.16653653032678736
bpd,heirophantazy,2019/10/06,"Crying I broke up with my boyfriend over month ago and rationally speaking, it was the best decision. I thought I was over it, but recently I’ve been having vivid dreams where I’m absolutely devastated and crying, and even have woken up to find myself crying actual tears. Has anyone else experienced this?",8.97448484848485,9.098127054545452,8.93818181818182,63.63393939393943,60.27272727272727,12.424242424242426,34.69696969696969,11.855464076750405,4.397242424242425,248,9,40,7,3,81,43,55,0.307,0.604,0.08900000000000001,-0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,5,1,6,4,1,8,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2212757755322216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010006338965349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854921943651273,0.2323326799038076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23796065679098946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7472243194062562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942094392364173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976656447145922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724584596359485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099008306264225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388876001179067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800145660265797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chilly666,2019/10/06,"[TW] Just dumped BPD boyfriend, feeling awful about it i dont really know what to do with myself right now, i genuinely feel like i'm going insane... - i'll try to make this short but i just broke up with my boyfriend of 5-6 months, keep in mind i have never dated a male until him because i was only attracted to women. he has borderline personality disorder. in the beginning, we seemed like a match made in heaven because we had the same humor, he always made it clear that he wanted to ""stay with me for a while"" and i just kind of agreed, because i did love him as a romantic partner for months. 

he would slowly develop a dependency and unhealthy need to talk to me. he would start to see me as if i could do absolutely no wrong, i was perfect to him. everything was 'fine' and somewhat okay until he started to tell me all of his problems because he didn't have the funds for a therapist apparently - and me, being the absolute nonce i am, i decided to play the knight in shining armor, the go-to person for when he has a panic attack when i clearly am not in the right state of mind right now (high-functioning autism, severe clinical depression, psychosis from this relationship). 

his problems including me not responding or leaving the call, or me getting a bit irritated with him in general. in response to these problems he would end up blocking me, getting piss drunk, and one time, trying to shoot himself - and someone walked in on him and hid the gun. this particular time he decided to come to my house afterwards and repeatedly hit himself and call himself an idiot and a failure while i am visibly snot-nosed mascara running down my neck sobbing. 

many similar events like this happened before i got a message from his friend that said ""whatever you do, don't leave \[redacted\]"" and i just began thinking about how i developed psychosis in such a small period of time while being with him, and how it probably wasn't healthy for him either. i started freaking out and just straight up tried breaking up with him in a call because he wasn't available to come over. i told him that i think we should stay friends, and he said something like ""oh. alright"" and left the call, and called that same friend. i was messaged by that friend saying ""why would you do that"" when i have explained several times why that might happen.

i tried explaining to him that i want to stay friends because he holds a special place in my heart and i love him platonically, but he decided to manipulate me again and try to justify himself, basically he said ""alright here's what i'm gonna do, i'm gonna move to my mom's house, block you and everyone close to me, and never speak to any of you again"" and i just kind of laughed because how fucking typical, right? i kept trying to get him to understand but it's BPD, it's difficult. he then blocked me and all his friends and went to sleep at his mom's house.

i just feel broken and absolutely awful, guilty, and i feel like i led him on, which i did, and i dont know how to justify that so i won't. i'm scared he'll do something to himself, and i'm scared that he'll think to himself that he has no reason to exist because i'm ""not there anymore"" when in reality, only the intimate part would change if we stay friends - which isn't that big of a change as of recently. i feel like trash and i've had self-destructive thoughts but pushed them away because i'm clean for 4 years now.

i don't know how to deal with this, how to stay his friend, how to not get manipulated back into a relationship with him, and how to keep him safe (which isnt even my job in the first place). i feel like i've lost myself, my values, my sanity, and my ability to care for myself.

i'm being honest here, i'm just looking for support. i'm fishing for support because it's what i emotionally need. my friends have helped but not much - i just needed to rant and hear feedback from people that don't know this person, and arent being unknowingly manipulated by him. please.",7.02504448730712,6.238804309948982,7.3550609756097565,76.38871951219514,64.57397959183673,10.607964161274266,35.44848183175709,9.923748647568347,3.289447896963664,3145,128,619,58,41,1029,320,784,0.13699999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.187,0.9922,3,0,2,2,0,0,102.0,4,4,1,3,36,54,5,3,28,5,48,9,4,17,7,149,122,63,0,17,24,2,6,7,10,12,1,6,1,6,32,49,1,8,22,2,1,9,21,18,0,2,23,15,98,36,98,81,9,91,1,4,3,3,98,37,3,9,45,401,130,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088428110753793,0.0,0.0,0.03341350533024005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872874681022472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589819001880062,0.04616397813651876,0.03778180516625646,0.0,0.299522582495148,0.0,0.04181029158689735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364272692812861,0.0,0.1237677005311303,0.0,0.2508617964156002,0.0,0.050096437790476095,0.0,0.10395669339187988,0.08465095531050479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039230323322667834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050656058445766566,0.04231992936387167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056313001270151576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151717785057476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055270295385981535,0.04351905255423033,0.0,0.0,0.03245322392923776,0.0,0.0,0.046950626826119835,0.04415939674311816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906488514427613,0.14040830107533442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417942314402073,0.0,0.0,0.3416544208263769,0.045424543508508455,0.10268410086183397,0.0,0.05584913976295426,0.0,0.03929777208289698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689988956365137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537874986548367,0.058225247157777535,0.03293417490502428,0.05191385692372456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008568296676366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875893564215175,0.08734694461226722,0.0,0.1023331453416869,0.10801331004286724,0.0,0.0,0.10405380452036167,0.053385353891343384,0.0,0.0,0.16803425635424465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126105024903383,0.0,0.053636689521646935,0.0,0.08869256591779022,0.09298550689348263,0.0327980140826916,0.049815208399326204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212450211409153,0.09922474700913278,0.11509270663904927,0.07843822438382254,0.05222276093674683,0.03611990061875822,0.10929900653164062,0.07579192847046899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03329516797077378,0.07473880888935924,0.0,0.05764937100289029,0.0,0.05320844934536991,0.0,0.03406404314338175,0.12870843897899464,0.10267129704004464,0.05393550799690135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297587279161781,0.14104676371486838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03147715840955805,0.050518994295309365,0.048514914457336494,0.10550526795437536,0.0,0.16784418869478973,0.14021599609261612,0.039074148013060216,0.09838547346436267,0.0,0.039154257397626464,0.044730685953785966,0.0512585522698872,0.11101719640019696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917051475792111,0.0,0.041631951492561235,0.07565309327010777,0.0,0.0,0.10433408144887424,0.2618570219243213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151569959606822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394928759337341,0.04294618195759181,0.0,0.0,0.057049556943295526,0.0,0.0944512297669715,0.0,0.03900772540521525,0.11460412456843165,0.0,0.0,0.046950626826119835,0.0,0.2001567604809655,0.0,0.0,0.051151299097866886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796222750914867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554866509770239,0.08867344426842359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452057789100536,0.053721441988137934,0.0,0.0316413483820604
bpd,awhhorable,2019/10/06,"Bpd-aspbergers relationship I started dating someone I waited since high school for (5years !) recently. We reconnected and basically started dating instantly. It’s been a little over a month now and I’m having some problems. My borderline personality disorder is pretty mild but he finds ways of pushing my buttons in a way they haven’t been pushed before (except when I was in a relationship with another BPD) and I know he probably doesn’t mean to, and I’m struggling to understand him. 



Anyone been in an Aspie - Borderline relationship? 

If so, what were/are your experiences? Any thoughts on common issues?

If you stayed together, how have you learned to function within the relationship? 

...Or just anything you'd like to share on the topic!",5.30846153846154,8.378241846153848,6.282307692307692,67.83269230769233,72.84615384615384,9.538461538461537,32.30769230769231,9.851270322608157,4.130846153846154,600,29,89,18,13,198,95,130,0.059000000000000004,0.8640000000000001,0.077,0.5096,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,4,1,0,7,4,0,1,7,0,10,0,0,1,0,22,19,11,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,0,13,2,15,13,1,23,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,4,10,60,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937072094866338,0.1444929775787005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635140535841802,0.0,0.11339582430484392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725575373514653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471029371723288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792818366971548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479266124170305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259446661689966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559091055938736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382507181593476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757300511536825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732103041865953,0.1381095671970325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010216929122666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998886605055334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203196984263212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018987217980775,0.14856930335078164,0.1318538567385716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605867469897953,0.591772946204268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394587008044145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139877400364223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167556040976077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950679429429568,0.1468740891833401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440561492295119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939603791989616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434523391875102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187549131356236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sanakhanbano,2019/10/06,"Are You on the Verge? Check your BPD Score Dear All,

Here  we are conducting a 2 mint survey on BPD.

If you are having BPD , you can check your situation  by answering these questions.This is MSI-BPD questionnaire

Get your BPD score in scale 1 to 10 by clicking below the link

[Click here to check BPD Score](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScUqNvOLJVS70PcyH5O9KcHQWk1A_kDHVRypYG4TgYMhsNEhQ/viewform)

Thank you in advance  for your participation",10.480422535211268,13.088320985915498,7.2325070422535225,68.5008732394366,57.450704225352105,9.623661971830987,29.69295774647888,9.888512548439397,2.791211830985916,374,11,57,7,5,104,49,71,0.0,0.922,0.078,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,8,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,10,8,1,7,0,0,2,0,9,6,0,1,0,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.979757352565482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773812444551644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457349377620194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193666808870113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rustedeath,2019/10/06,"BPD welp! I need some advice, why are relationships so hard! So, I  am in a relationship and I cannot decide what to do I feel trapped and lost and completely drained all the time. I'm in a relationship with an aspie and I promised to never abandoned this person, yet it's getting to the point where I don't think I will have a choice, I've never felt so alone in a relationship in my life and it hurts, because I love him so much, at the same time, does there come a point where one has to be strong and walk away... I'm so confused and I really don't want to go into all the details, I'm just hurting... Any advice would be helpful and greatly appreciated ⚡🕉️⚡",0.9297142857142866,2.9119188285714306,3.1442857142857146,90.33071428571432,82.14285714285714,6.0,22.142857142857146,7.1686216300943375,0.6066428571428575,516,17,117,7,14,176,87,140,0.15,0.716,0.134,0.2239,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,10,9,0,1,10,0,12,2,0,0,4,27,25,13,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,11,0,1,4,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,2,3,11,4,13,19,5,19,0,4,0,1,8,11,0,2,5,76,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692464049123774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142683881367398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368550795318158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943555900868595,0.0,0.0,0.08398078862773742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351127602230682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867308845039605,0.14444488150218845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055983113611697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965855744406294,0.0,0.13227682870421326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197697497522278,0.0,0.07829551218478835,0.0,0.0,0.15188734532099601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341114921810505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234155095376097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949624016699235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730810005886306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038770859562742,0.0,0.1243390660087252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127375751936682,0.10215163843173763,0.21250704609794013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335371110870616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029183374040572,0.0,0.0,0.2604665322324957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825633663323948,0.0,0.0,0.5916358982603741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827479936696021,0.0,0.0,0.16066475991679616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125787271678413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431225916197099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786491316254944,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Artesunate,2019/10/06,"Please, help me understand. My wife and I (35) have been together for 10 years and we have an awesome 2y son.
It hasn't been easy but there was so much love in our relationship. 
We had our downs, potentially due to her BPD but we were able to manage everything. 
2 months ago she splittted on me. Wanted to separate out of the blue. She was in a spiral of destruction, hurting everyone who would care about her (mom, dad, sister), and becaming interested in much older guys.
She has started DBT, and sometimes she seems much better but some days seems like nothing has change. I understand that this is not  a linear process, but I'm also scare that she may quit the therapy. 
When I have asked her about how would she like to proceed with divorce, she responded that she is not sure she wants a divorce, that she does not know yet if wants to be with me and that she needs more time to think. Sometimes I can tell that she misses me, that she is regretting all this, but others she is just a different person.
Her family and my therapists have asked me to keep my distance with her, so that I can be mentally healthy to take care of our son.
I know my wife enought to know she is a great person and a wonderful mom and I have hopes that she may find her way out of whatever is going in her mind.

I will strongly appreciate any input for you guys.",5.531287735849055,5.73250513584906,5.875412735849057,82.43840212264153,67.45283018867924,9.794811320754716,29.77004716981132,9.673873057562805,2.450627358490566,1051,35,218,21,16,337,143,265,0.075,0.733,0.192,0.9898,1,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,6,1,0,3,10,16,1,1,9,0,29,1,0,1,2,52,54,19,0,9,10,8,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,4,14,16,0,1,10,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,1,47,11,28,41,6,21,0,3,1,1,52,8,0,8,13,158,61,1,0.1116924846292079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900864848490154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932043960459432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595471964635983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883479150236464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878292606104663,0.0,0.0,0.14067277440970427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277558639867241,0.0,0.11815583884275598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203241249712883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669487390398105,0.0,0.0,0.0977428459813914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672695553948253,0.10038200321174796,0.0,0.10529373413184596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208490747112688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634774129690972,0.0,0.0,0.12314135861281103,0.0,0.2211862401006683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486511807042805,0.0,0.0,0.11093583912593763,0.0,0.0,0.11956911487448033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927741229811302,0.0,0.0,0.18414980562417355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913461236902383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008068281436075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255975415349316,0.0,0.11277756952723635,0.2616257761557913,0.08915187562257335,0.0,0.2463204831133875,0.08281856210222377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717195136469362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950511387965156,0.0,0.12260480749923187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879870590284995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199159287462744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182366202532083,0.0,0.0,0.20336128626016084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093344653544691,0.0,0.0790565154986168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526884493676822,0.0,0.08397884813994443,0.0,0.09762415461146733,0.0,0.12773009027005586,0.12968358335201108,0.0,0.07156803420553398,0.0,0.0,0.06512878599445933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23255163109207766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197637363860394,0.08865629544144135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112573509796985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868627293330173,0.0,0.0,0.07192629811925608
bpd,lvd150,2019/10/06,"Writing an Email Without Coming Off as ""Harsh"" So here's the TLDR version (although not really cause OOF this is a nightmare) of my story (content warning, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, gossip, discrimination based on mental health): I auditioned for a choir in June that I felt certain I would get into (I had worked with the director before and had several positive experiences with him, had nearly 8 years of choral experience under my belt in 6 different choirs, seemingly got along with everyone I knew in the choir.) It would've been a way out of a place that I had a lot of emotional baggage, and if I got in, it would mean I could finally move on fully from my demons. I didn't, not because of my skills (in fact the director said himself my audition warranted a spot in the choir) but because of stupid and frankly discriminatory reasons involving my BPD. A former director told him how mentally ill and ""challenging"" I was to work with (for context, the past choeal year my former director made my life hell because I accused someone of assaulting me and she didn't believe me), and 2 people threatened to quit this new choir if I was there (this most likely being my ex and their best friend, who were just pulling high school mean girl tactics to get me rejected), and apparently my reaction wasn't up to par, as I broke down after being ambushed with this information DURING MY AUDITION and the email I sent trying to stand up for myself (that was proof read by multiple people, including my therapist) came off as ""too harsh,"" so I was rejected for not being emotionally ready.

So obviously, this is kind of bullshit, and if anything I deserve an explanation as to who and why people said this and why these decisions were made, if not an apology from the director of this choir and those who threatened to quit. My question is, how do I do this without coming off as crazy or harsh? Try as I might, my BPD has always been used against me, and I am not in the mood for that to happen again if I say one thing out of line. However, this isn't right, and since I don't have the money to sue people for slander or the emotional energy anymore to deal with this, I need to find answers. I cannot fully move on from this without it unfortunately, as this whole thing ended up ruining my life for the time being (I was unable to move away from my hometown where most of my trauma occurred, all my friends now live 2 hours away from me, I ended up attempting suicide because I lost everything, including long time friends who up and stopped talking to me, and now constantly am having even worse PTSD flashbacks than before.) I don't care if I'm being difficult, this has hurt me so much, and just talking to my therapist and having everyone else in my life around me tell me to get over it isn't helping. However, in case my future lies somewhere where this information could be used against me, I cannot come across as being a psychotic. I need answers, I just don't know how to get them...",12.402635726795097,7.578147175131352,11.601592819614716,62.73555910683014,57.984238178633966,15.27288966725044,46.063134851138365,12.602617957971056,5.54269309982487,2371,100,435,55,20,777,268,571,0.168,0.78,0.052000000000000005,-0.9973,4,2,0,0,2,1,72.0,0,0,2,9,20,22,3,0,23,0,47,5,0,9,5,93,77,44,1,12,20,1,1,1,3,3,5,9,0,1,30,34,0,1,14,7,4,9,18,12,0,1,28,10,68,9,93,37,8,68,2,6,0,0,34,36,1,14,22,322,98,10,0.0,0.16429154410429445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057688857603196385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875761685825446,0.0,0.0,0.057053418202120586,0.061719194463128485,0.0,0.0,0.13027731387081634,0.0,0.0,0.16905387735746147,0.0,0.11799096828242568,0.07811217554249036,0.07275849564100396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463966733412878,0.0,0.0,0.07929607251815872,0.07068746686582499,0.07122192598093187,0.0,0.1791672780317722,0.0,0.07492206591990858,0.0,0.1107101543468977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147710717306051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243602766671342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057917065403330185,0.3119516952563585,0.12281318677089985,0.0,0.0,0.04579240146338938,0.0,0.0,0.13249728022506246,0.06231013684345079,0.13563783533554938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656853056036392,0.07594860526358578,0.06336718087563023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606946296443621,0.0,0.1448901218820361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109004984996608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130908039675289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369549802444747,0.0,0.0,0.04647103666510146,0.07325189580386897,0.0,0.0,0.06827696472368623,0.0,0.07422015572216853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219745694165254,0.0381024460594222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469113818949543,0.0338715726599237,0.0,0.06122044940449429,0.06135565927519492,0.0,0.0,0.07568286051018894,0.05894264659158261,0.0,0.13120513608224216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151043336738671,0.0,0.0,0.13973846825062194,0.07354912202535775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106330386988035,0.050966184239765656,0.10281595849172,0.0,0.06696020923638152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046980407919813935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661841830627267,0.19226124868076747,0.0,0.07243602766671342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104410468026554,0.0,0.07766646814883149,0.14748387927698034,0.0693496556998419,0.0,0.0444151458714888,0.07128370584511662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920820446658485,0.13189911319056888,0.05513470946847709,0.0,0.07016656590042346,0.0,0.0631162418068173,0.0,0.07832417571182687,0.0,0.05735123177666076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058743841308603516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057963731628116424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583674493083115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145109241809968,0.06059825704250162,0.0,0.0,0.16099702270271438,0.0921207302782474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085480340937533,0.0,0.0,0.06624864011253123,0.0,0.09414225174814674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975926389049395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055031636391403516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251206958031337,0.07740546695122688,0.0,0.2004975225621828,0.0,0.100947432790835,0.0,0.07065410386104794,0.14775203321247365,0.0,0.0,0.08929364497737327
bpd,more_now_again,2019/10/06,"losing myself, dont know how to pick up these pieces, struggling with alot, very alone feeling TW:substance,suicide I apologize if this post is a bit all over the place. Please dont refer me to a help line. or hospital, crisis. Those are NOT beneficial to me. I do not want to be over loaded with more useless medication as well as i am recovering from akathesia and also have tardive dyskonia from psychiatric medications and other substances as well. I have providers,  well, not so much a therapist yet, working on it, but i am not commited or have plans to commit suicide.

i have been diagnosed with BPD since i was 18, i am now 32. i have had polysubstance issues off and on for many years although i never really considered them very bad, or to interfere with my life. mostly just abusing others perscritiptions many years ago to which i was already in treatment for. however last year i was introducted to cocaine, and slowly started to what is now become a very out of control problem. 

my problem is i have alot of physical, chronic illnessess. i am in severe chronic pain and fatigue constantly. before i used, i was going through perscription withdrawl from 4 different meds at once, due to a change in insurance. this led to self medicating to try to treat my suffering. obviously in the wrong way, but i lost a great many things due to these horrible choices i just kept making. i am trying to fix it, but it is obviously very hard. alot of my support comes from the few friends i have that are many far states away. i do not have friends here. my family does not kick me to the streets, but they arnt exactly very understanding, which makes things very difficult. i do not want to be hospitalized again and have my medication changed again as that caused a huge and serious problem for me with adverse side effects. i am trying hard to wait for genetic testing and look into perhaps smart recovery meetings. but often i just wont follow through. either i am to tired, in to much pain, or i am just so scared and alone. having friends is hard for me. not much is acceptable where i live. 

the problem is, im just losing site of everything, even when i have sober days. i was 3 months clean, and am trying to come off a 20+ day binge. i just feel so hopeless. depressed, and i want life to be over. i dont and am not going to kill myself, (i have a history of purposely overdosing on perscription medication and belive me, after the last 2 its not something i would ever do again and if i could ever convince someone to not do it, i would beg of you, dont please, its not worth it.)  but i wish for it every day. to not wake up. sometimes i stay up late because the sooner i goto bed the sooner the next day will come and i dont know what to even do with myself. i have no joy. and when i find it, i feel like sometimes it is stolen from me, by either someone else a negative nasty person in my life im forced to deal with, or my own mind, i often am in to much pain to get out of bed much, make my own meals, do much of anything most of the time without assitance of a substance. i try to get help from drs but they belive it is all mental health even thought it is proven i have physical issues. im jus losing it.

i dont even know if this is the right place to post, but i dont know where to post, i dont know who to talk to, i just am tired of feeling like i constantly want the days to be over. im tired of feeling like there is no point, there is no hope, there is no recovering, there is no getting back or finding drs to help me mentaly, physicaly, no pain medication, i cant find the right psych combo, i dont know how to stop using substances

alot of my bpd symtoms had seemed to stop, get better, i had been improving, and now i feel like ive been set back so far. on top of ptsd, anxiety, ocd. sometimes i feel wrongly diagnosed and like maybe no one else feels what i feel.  i feel to afraid to tell people what i really feel. because theyll lock me up in the psych ward and never let me out. and i just want to feel happy. complete, not so full of hate, boredum, and always fucking everything up, and just feeling like there is no point to life.

is there anyone out there?

how does it ever get better?",3.884035353829997,5.0336030154211135,4.9591027361297515,84.12262353421623,71.63345195729538,8.137596017346324,28.17317153802773,8.553620602826744,1.9491841743966711,3294,121,673,55,61,1083,331,843,0.20600000000000002,0.67,0.125,-0.9975,2,2,2,0,0,7,106.0,0,1,4,11,51,52,3,3,29,0,85,28,1,13,12,160,138,55,2,17,43,0,16,6,3,5,25,0,3,2,33,37,1,6,28,0,1,7,37,29,3,1,14,17,89,23,115,113,23,99,0,9,1,1,19,46,1,19,45,484,122,4,0.0,0.047163562656185584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03528558865006813,0.0,0.0,0.08245395546129165,0.04392687524318711,0.03183281802308003,0.033121753952290015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030451456370151193,0.0,0.0,0.02783325818119532,0.0,0.03275691976474567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037399017027469734,0.06121666423819705,0.03323632036954674,0.04853069694176266,0.04396256397678423,0.033871946701770204,0.0,0.0,0.07041028734316539,0.04345780712078549,0.0,0.10026844579828004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040891693931167934,0.08421887157958766,0.10286794964962327,0.041735799838966026,0.08603221960349472,0.04464577759461892,0.03178182620221293,0.0,0.0,0.12835778064546127,0.04103820486950325,0.034284821689331696,0.08080443870148997,0.0,0.04158876402373446,0.0,0.0,0.06966894124026526,0.0,0.41987067962539293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650555651916748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516586510257607,0.1080203302763223,0.03353824464131855,0.0,0.07155007420871327,0.0,0.037525523748286826,0.0,0.2616522132469073,0.14218695654828478,0.0,0.0,0.10914580011530292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922619758072662,0.036799975754166166,0.10398487607657636,0.0,0.04524529759518192,0.0,0.0,0.04388621996476184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042374192852055535,0.1069749852282353,0.039300152091877365,0.0,0.04231188230050822,0.0,0.0,0.08004330331429832,0.0,0.0,0.0395363076443257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198910360591635,0.08309417681850402,0.0,0.0,0.04403940556354545,0.0,0.13125791313544669,0.06489435308559932,0.044902865440727635,0.0,0.0,0.04070429895468774,0.11246452887858838,0.1166831109746516,0.0,0.0351493987967605,0.0,0.03342698751549291,0.13359808779871274,0.04345291601137672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971237770183258,0.1614280139934098,0.03999044488418641,0.0,0.0442154565501017,0.2406019482090241,0.04011505302204618,0.0,0.04019268001521471,0.0,0.03177274368188027,0.0,0.17557179854950702,0.0,0.061401632567916115,0.0,0.04233409828420755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239205652071657,0.026973553929625332,0.0,0.16942542483448866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027596445994675003,0.034757035645985764,0.08317752804746892,0.087389998149473,0.0752590118871075,0.0,0.11436934113781135,0.0,0.0,0.15235574086913392,0.04653104613315586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051001444453253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798815791389301,0.0,0.0,0.03985271791859103,0.0,0.0,0.036237858026205966,0.04152630571559146,0.04496941323205055,0.0,0.032927907861050515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745493458785806,0.030644578712675025,0.11810735980322608,0.0,0.028174868849132163,0.042427865262171335,0.0,0.06655914285384179,0.0,0.04161384028783656,0.0,0.08708253588306075,0.04517134047341071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03199452904906976,0.03479217032698104,0.0,0.0,0.046217796595049015,0.05289063241932397,0.0,0.0,0.031601492018697185,0.023211179902423003,0.13725331268067684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512819582788424,0.0,0.0,0.041439416253968915,0.0,0.06875915101963348,0.0,0.1970645532400812,0.11739295556127058,0.03159612437960572,0.0,0.0,0.1073710365182006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045774898420762065,0.038371532425586816,0.0,0.028979218604149582,0.0,0.0,0.05655403479213035,0.08704315376430886,0.0,0.07690121441093913
bpd,phobiacoping,2019/10/06,"Tonight is gonna fucking suck First post on my alt, yay!

I’m currently at a friends house and it’s 12:30am. My anxiety is absolutely consuming me. All I want is to go home. I drove here so technically I can go home if I want to, but that would involve waking her and her mom up to let them know that I’m leaving so they can lock the door behind me. 

I’m shaking so badly and I’m so homesick, and I don’t even have my headphones with me. I’m so dumb, I thought about bringing them but I just didn’t. I have work in the morning and it’s one of those nights where I just KNOW I won’t be able to sleep. I can tell I’m about to cry, too. Fuck, I just want to go home, I want to leave and drive around until I can calm myself down. It’s like those nights I had in college where I wouldn’t sleep, and I just cried and cried all night. I don’t wanna do it again, I don’t wanna go through that again I’m so scared",-1.6100246305418722,0.33561057142857464,0.6650862068965537,103.20728448275864,95.99507389162564,3.8852216748768473,16.60960591133005,5.543175910156928,-0.903982266009852,698,19,182,5,28,231,102,203,0.207,0.7170000000000001,0.077,-0.9855,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,2,20,12,4,2,3,1,20,5,3,0,2,30,44,18,0,9,7,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,0,9,10,0,0,3,0,0,8,6,8,0,2,4,0,31,4,23,34,2,27,0,1,0,2,9,9,4,1,10,118,40,2,0.12373163775565856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465436421469332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014739023309006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331074925201313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077401822534464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172357979674454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524606786662673,0.0,0.0,0.09559475640042367,0.2287758106401157,0.0,0.0,0.2812781645330071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723387633900547,0.0,0.0,0.14276969744234774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599934449726794,0.0,0.0,0.2620278778902311,0.0,0.12652398268009815,0.0,0.060449028280981976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491299871390886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34834128066802555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384375994318828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850070638618365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387695455214184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476419905293737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814690509113924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822909941993804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919205028979215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007810592281278,0.0,0.0,0.08789540542750346,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maksim8199,2019/10/06,"My chances with her again are doomed isn't it Dated a girl with bpd, things were always great even when she had her episodes she would constantly reassure me how badly she wanted us to work out. Time progressed and I watched her progressively get worse and push me away while puling me close. It is one of the saddest things I have witnessed someone go through. That desperation of wanting this to work but forcing yourself to repress memories and break up to feel better. 

If she broke up with me, changed the label from dating to fwb or friends, she immediately would feel better due to the mental relief of there being less on the line to lose whereas losing a bf would be more tragic to her. Recently she blocked me on everything despite it breaking her heart and said she repressed our memories and now she seems to be doing well and texted me saying she needs space to heal and get rid of these bad feelings associated with me but theres not promise of us getting together because everything overwhelmed her and all romantic feelings for me are gone. She said we probably wont talk for a long time but i am doubtful I will hear from her ?

Do you guys block? Get better and unblock? Or am I doomed",6.627067669172933,7.2428558421052625,6.235989974937342,79.36026315789475,65.14035087719299,8.970426065162908,34.26817042606516,8.841846274778883,2.8299012531328325,964,41,177,14,14,299,143,228,0.19699999999999998,0.669,0.134,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,4,1,0,9,9,21,0,4,7,0,19,2,1,1,1,41,36,18,0,7,7,0,4,0,2,5,1,4,0,2,8,16,0,4,5,0,0,3,3,12,1,1,5,9,36,9,30,23,3,25,2,7,1,0,32,8,0,5,12,129,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003358662303619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329299695361655,0.0,0.20136584550394732,0.07350712047781316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199412619700688,0.0,0.0,0.15187180877006276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756228799135344,0.0,0.0,0.1303088793255248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964484752326054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674693571236947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24388434821914606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316319496124503,0.0,0.2520014521218619,0.0,0.06853088356374942,0.0,0.0,0.1329447076408868,0.0,0.11939749713509792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590736312307033,0.14289307410557375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671338413140154,0.0,0.2698061599296635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152069602478335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941179186221282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171109847439767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001035952852855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906253052034907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940672301090964,0.09589354103577312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977549318884608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217075616125687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692115916913698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602218115293264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062744654724782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29009633047958555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422475863150127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841984166079698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557373353565014,0.0,0.12288578779614125,0.25697905723217745,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SpiderKitt303,2019/10/06,"Lamictal Online TYA to anyone that has advice with this. I am looking for a way to get inexpensive Lamictal or generic version online. I'm going on a short notice vacation and I can't get in with my psychiatrist to get my refill before I leave. I have Colorado Medicaid so I can't see a psych in the state I'm visiting. Shitty timing on my part, also it's difficult because my psychiatrist I've been assigned by my insurance only sees patients one day a week so the limited timing is working against me. I'm anxious about going on a trip with my best friend (who is also a huge trigger for me sometimes) and potentially going thru withdrawal. I used to have TOR on my old computer but it's not working. I'm so frustrated with prepping for this trip that I NEED, but I'm worried I might be shitty in my own headspace because of this and it'll fuck up the whole vacation that I so badly need. So, I'm hoping one of you good souls has a resource for legit online medication or even an online psych I can talk to so that I can get a refill soon.",4.032327044025159,5.0704574528301904,6.063509433962263,76.76325157232705,71.16981132075472,8.860880503144655,30.642767295597487,9.21078282632365,2.7747914465408794,828,35,156,17,15,290,113,212,0.152,0.7759999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,4,11,8,2,0,12,0,15,2,0,2,0,19,36,15,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,4,0,2,1,3,22,4,27,32,5,24,1,0,3,1,5,10,1,4,6,110,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624439167488038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23936343088391315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907131860358254,0.0,0.10464458669820333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495845746115697,0.1824606623696549,0.0,0.12734821917705114,0.0,0.15705718810111982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965172443535038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884791799054712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562565742343832,0.13835671800365704,0.31276120988951106,0.0,0.2551628398692394,0.12552630987069005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486444937951494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846656649983426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567530794824594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076502641317535,0.0,0.15876384181449293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193951634605533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038700492042744,0.15704124604508152,0.0,0.2028247202948283,0.11382190669122955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620653913695421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385166313621315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801591884745954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028969972353346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453395587784445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292567491259459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879181932076885,0.1200468880949039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708818504161838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790609880642325,0.15198530252694875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdprincesxx,2019/10/06,"Tips for moving on from a FP Hi guys, new account here. F22. I am like 98% sure I have BPD. I've suspected it for years but never really had the guts to accept it due to it being so stigmatised.

​

I had a breakup over a year ago from my FP. It was messy, embarrassing with a lot of desperation and panic from me. At the time, I didn't know I had BPD. I just felt very attacked and abandoned but looking back, I can see it must have been a sh\*t situation for him too. Even though that person has moved on, I still find myself wishing I could explain myself and how I was feeling and for some reason it really matter that this person thinks I'm this awful person (probably crazy too). Can anyone help me with tips for finding closure? We haven't spoken for over a year and I am sure he would not like to hear from me as I am blocked on everything. 

​

TL:DR How can I move on from wanting and seeking closure from my ex (FP) and move on?",3.4081318681318717,4.3882617435897435,4.6677838827838825,86.40519230769233,72.58974358974359,7.417582417582418,25.723443223443226,7.7094869923839395,1.2439597069597077,740,23,157,9,14,245,114,195,0.172,0.722,0.106,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,0,11,9,1,2,8,1,21,1,1,3,4,39,32,14,0,5,4,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,4,10,10,0,2,10,0,1,4,4,4,0,0,8,5,22,5,27,20,2,22,0,1,2,0,12,8,0,2,12,112,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967803939299726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365903077492631,0.2653283164448572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634033593274102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420661473767045,0.0,0.08395173648378594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27501368276266264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717036550439278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211154923296156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812284040817146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055204067590867656,0.0,0.10482874266175872,0.0,0.19957483938116974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081041493667929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305241094358307,0.0,0.07318022949858613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060001797833358635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066784663572058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168267112458764,0.0,0.0,0.0928198877057836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641590252583391,0.0,0.0,0.08420539964344452,0.1054455383576937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809776509072487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859920775319223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771318212642005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988543408284362,0.11225396134045873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700134588062501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227215141672796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871903083710997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579940111165654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699573486679962,0.10726758918361692,0.0,0.06366301996017923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008392104658043,0.06439646846476288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255501996920003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755746715452885,0.0,0.2653283164448572,0.21092264885227027
bpd,Believer267,2019/10/18,"26M I dont know what to do anymore. i feel like the more older i get the more empty i become. its getting to a point where i really dont care about anything

at all, i just keep pretending to. I've been empty a lot of my life buts its never been this bad before. I'am currently unemployed, i have no friends or girlfriend. I just feel like its better to deal with myself this way, it saves me from getting into relationship problems. i just wanted to share my thoughts somewhere. nobody in my family really cares that much about me so i dont have anyone to confide in.",0.9847080745341614,3.451991452173917,3.004875776397516,88.14967391304349,86.65217391304346,5.720496894409938,20.388198757763973,7.1686216300943375,0.7529503105590067,447,14,88,7,14,150,75,115,0.135,0.7140000000000001,0.15,0.1964,3,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,2,18,19,3,0,2,5,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,16,8,15,16,5,10,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,5,65,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530408217347955,0.10949762917957097,0.0,0.12886759538228962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075358477351492,0.0,0.17295124044677518,0.13325417510934556,0.0,0.0,0.13849904822026593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193261391067909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161446644505029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505984205621702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762755612043954,0.0,0.15836227201290912,0.2237486469020671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098796277641692,0.0,0.2454494689797244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391923448852117,0.0,0.0,0.08606268925844363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061047182146644,0.15301267682288078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313482997313272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511824910335045,0.0,0.1207787667216833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803662802228065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984404905511844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006425987216187,0.0,0.0,0.1681286702070815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432207656243105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236611993220713,0.12430095996332576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rynniebean,2019/10/18,"episode at work i am having an episode at work because i spoke with my gm about me and another coworker picking up slack for one that goes on vacations monthly. i was promised next week off for my mental health, and was snapped at when i brought up the fact that i’m scheduled like usual. the whole point of the week off was for a break. i am afraid i’m going to quit my job impulsively or get myself fired because i can’t stop crying. i feel like i am being irrational. i guess i’m just asking for suggestions on coping skills i can use in a professional setting whilst on the clock. i have a lot of free time in my own head alone right now. this is my first time posting on here, long time reader. sorry if the format is wonky",4.164563758389259,4.864710590604028,4.792812080536915,87.23901677852348,70.61073825503355,7.839194630872482,27.651677852349,7.908726449838941,1.479837046979866,574,19,123,7,10,184,98,149,0.1,0.8270000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.4215,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,5,5,0,1,9,0,13,2,1,2,1,13,24,5,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,5,3,18,5,22,18,3,36,0,0,0,0,3,15,0,4,18,78,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634807216549908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785426403283813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917919707425754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075896735007614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870332846463636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609348300148634,0.1216407170964206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483133102373733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895889749804034,0.0,0.0967682018506724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875712854127912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474584850614214,0.18098874290854405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896641725441325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637036238010985,0.0,0.0,0.1506833380630476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475722121823728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159182299206108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590766056914047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108377160364347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537916424578605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095991496250633,0.0,0.16307131830248922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110279884913136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540940469286656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060300368557176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423531043671193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29785691703295897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705836315810414,0.18752803351171185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731601867575822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010005405084493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479167581525404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OminousPrognostics,2019/10/18,"Hello. I Need Help. Hello, I don’t know where to start.

I don’t know what I have if I have anything. I feel bad because I feel having any or dealing with mental health problems is just a means for sympathy (and so on). I feel like hurting myself, I’m confused.

I feel my feelings are unstable. It’s as though my body is a ball for my emotions to kick around. 

I don’t know, I need help. Someone please help.",-0.27789304812834104,1.952765788235297,1.7224598930481283,96.47652406417114,91.11764705882356,4.032085561497326,20.668449197860962,5.565023196281405,-0.10370588235294063,312,11,69,2,11,103,54,85,0.16,0.6559999999999999,0.183,0.2415,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,9,2,1,0,0,19,22,6,0,4,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,9,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,15,1,8,22,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,2,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126621566953755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674519240846262,0.1587458797771117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889282211533084,0.1087044586545704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807740549084774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384388132105312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059013546027527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508290468181069,0.12739447082633085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189549730375893,0.0,0.0,0.35857980635002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089918492615154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940060887367739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711994134249752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942467621590169,0.0,0.0,0.17970832472872933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644494946486339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574584828365613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706316762148448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109307325118007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262184167511026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520210773064962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TyrannicalSafeSpace,2019/10/18,"Question about mirroring I’m a non-PWBPD, but have known PWBPD and have always wondered about this:

First, is mirroring something done automatically or subconsciously, or do you consciously plan it out? I’ve imagined it’s usually planned with some kind of reasoning like, “I know this is wrong, but I’m doing it with good intent, or I need to keep their love/attention until I can properly arrange my life and/or the relationship.”

Second, do the people you mirror tend to be at least somewhat close to your personality traits, or can you effectively do this with people you have nothing in common with and/or even seriously dislike?",14.10142857142857,10.021826285714287,12.608571428571427,54.5364285714286,54.0,15.842857142857143,47.64285714285714,13.427899808715575,6.206153571428571,512,22,82,13,4,164,78,112,0.08199999999999999,0.821,0.09699999999999999,0.4039,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,1,4,3,5,0,0,3,0,13,1,0,3,0,26,20,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,10,3,14,18,3,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,8,5,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902487762505712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23398053759440995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101613555789994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944830915558544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917743804106011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322785275349287,0.0,0.2380958542467593,0.1256558724878758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149687469426072,0.11170311765500694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635867467010044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953542759178722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193885300499764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170236749487659,0.19964170699628936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561317927744934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350824468898429,0.0,0.24547634900944545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760200745165441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518172791270565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479529077896473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24998454955772545,0.0,0.0
bpd,JayAr-not-Jr,2019/10/18,"BPD with birth control pills vs hormonal IUD. What are your experiences? I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD but have absolutely had it for the past 6 years at least. It was written off as a “phase of life axis change” for ages 17-25. 

I have been on Junel Fe (lowest estrogen option BC pills) for about a year, and have gained 30 pounds, as well as had either worse or no change to my emotional PMS symptoms which have been heartbreakingly intense for the last few years. I can’t say if it has worsened because of birth control or because of trials and tribulations in my life, but my PMS is usually made up of suicidal ideation, self harm, HARD crying, and of course, being cemented into my bed. Nothing notable physically except for general discomfort. My partner says he has noticed a change since I started the pills, but life hasn’t been a walk in the park either so it’s hard to tell if it’s situational or chemical. 

I’ve just started entertaining the idea of switching to a hormonal IUD, which contains no estrogen and the hormone that is released (progesterone) is localized to the uterus instead of flooding the bloodstream. I’m mostly worried about me having an allergic reaction to it (nickel core), my partner feeling it when we have sex, and if it will make me gain more weight, and my mood symptoms not improving. 

At this point, I don’t feel like my mood could get any worse so I’m curious to YOUR personal experience with a hormonal IUD. Do you think estrogen is specifically detrimental to people with BPD?

****PLEASE for the love of God, do not recommend the copper IUD to me, I have my reasons and they can not be swayed****",5.191398927159796,6.8645804577922105,5.876764539808017,76.78048842461891,69.0974025974026,9.64223602484472,32.87182382834557,9.971965246562196,3.4795130999435355,1303,60,234,33,23,424,176,308,0.162,0.7390000000000001,0.099,-0.9749,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,3,1,4,8,9,0,1,17,0,31,18,0,5,0,44,43,22,1,4,17,0,5,1,2,1,15,2,1,4,13,13,1,3,5,1,1,1,8,3,1,0,9,7,22,4,40,30,6,24,0,1,0,2,14,10,0,8,14,156,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236030662201222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297292558524278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020471066333478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376930137185743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868865972616066,0.0849572110574047,0.0,0.11688292788185856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800071256854978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196933839084305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081726337019542,0.0,0.0,0.10760500072259616,0.07601707466540457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555931871718602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063927373825415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012038139127244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673578441416188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547491423914476,0.051985011931220265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603633622803476,0.10068473396782784,0.07102739841751253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210024206705468,0.12114490360924593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157737819610482,0.07376911168939149,0.09291035682839856,0.0,0.11680276756050648,0.10058886667153707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940396349663707,0.10506392703121822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923799543174806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100555067751793,0.0,0.0,0.08802084562514093,0.11960575730141285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063063173907545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639182300852295,0.0,0.0,0.22119491852457845,0.0,0.0,0.09300427668340497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818121274831522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117192111865113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957487672596496,0.09567253680232643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806132095137186,0.21687534081061627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556756750579613
bpd,rian951,2019/10/18,"DAE stuck on suicidal ideation/tendencies? Tw: I was diagnosed in March, I knew a year before that but no one would even entertain it.

This year has been hard, I regularly overdose on paracetamol for either self harm or in an attempted suicide. Weds morning I wanted to die and tried to end it. For me it doesn’t go away, it’s all I think about 24/7 either SH or Suicide and it’s hard to shift....atm I am finding I cycle on a two week period of coping before yet another crisis....anyone got experience of this and came out the other side of similar?",4.00644495412844,5.277338577981652,5.745768348623852,78.13590022935782,71.4770642201835,9.486697247706422,28.303899082568808,9.827888789773867,2.7697055045871566,431,16,83,11,8,148,80,109,0.276,0.6990000000000001,0.025,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,16,13,6,4,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,6,2,8,1,16,6,3,17,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,7,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180801815672565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123397516179026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289977522095903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29507366463465456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983048622252344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598089398526418,0.1799449970139192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356657214307884,0.0,0.0,0.11451835601417135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960261331092788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584696400980736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985380017160198,0.0,0.13867085327995832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31063563399977995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748934119896738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808771033168607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5689611645649224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109732970356384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771621008224847,0.0,0.1693707661341983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226624972206556,0.0,0.13907801548799725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316686757715595,0.0,0.0,0.2233069482826155
bpd,myr-edditing,2019/10/18,"I want to be a better friend Hello reddit :)
I thought this would be the best place to seek advice for this kinda thing. My best friend has BPD and has been showing symptoms for a very long time and is in tbe midst of treatment. But lately her symptoms have gotten much more intense and I dont know what to do.
Everything I do seems to make her angry with me or make her cry and I just wanna figure out how to understand it better. She always talks about how shes alone and doesn't really have anything and I just wish it felt like I was there for her yanno? I always feel like absolute dhit because I feel like a terrible friend and the guilt is sending my anxiety fucking haywire.
I've been researching like crazy recently any advice on other stuff I could do?

Thank you!!

TLDR: advice on helping my friend with bpd",2.7809259259259282,4.942741660493827,3.699777777777779,87.77300000000004,76.83950617283949,6.29530864197531,22.528395061728396,7.3011,0.8843402469135802,647,19,125,8,15,207,102,162,0.09300000000000001,0.637,0.27,0.9856,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,4,6,16,1,1,5,0,19,3,0,4,0,32,33,11,0,5,4,0,3,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,3,21,13,17,23,4,10,0,0,0,1,15,5,1,3,8,87,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465513572111333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243380496542085,0.0,0.0,0.19672663807674204,0.0,0.0,0.08038941118577582,0.0,0.09043320358078816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727985281743293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206201147006365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481160978681423,0.20910093008647296,0.0,0.0,0.2977721873589345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094384068997475,0.0,0.12985226554075674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385456474528637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062429058972614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954485895037707,0.16890386892191686,0.11350374892953027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653266339503192,0.10928671715046953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923619214258702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496719147507625,0.0,0.133350271409101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310130896192223,0.0,0.0,0.10461545849299664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781720679177955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690071616649066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350821970269735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075730762317106,0.0,0.11672182754869152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761736819352363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532647392216282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573872178793765,0.0,0.09501574321424157,0.0,0.1088353485863502,0.0,0.0,0.07853597001984063,0.0,0.0,0.09384852160912607,0.06893139467456269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123064694207451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753873315117707,0.06972553903614884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593999109455798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397566407833366,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,samitami2,2019/10/18,"am i the abuser? i’m currently 18, i was diagnosed with bpd at 16 and was told it formed due to my abandonment issues i had developed throughout foster care. 

like most people with bpd i lashed out and had the worst push and pull relationship with my adoptive parents, i was a child, i honestly thought everyone else my age was going through similar situations in there home life. 

i pushed and pulled so much that my parents ended up kicking me out at 16, and i was on my own. i moved back in after my therapist foolishly thought i was getting better, 6 months later (still17) my parents offered for me to move out for good and move 30 minutes away to an apartment i had to pay for. (@17) so i got into college early and have been figuring life out one day at a time. my parents have basically cut off all ties to me because they consider my bpd to make me into a abusive person. when i have my splits i become nasty so i understand, but i’m still left here without a family again, wondering if i’ll ever not be alone. 


anyone else relate? i’m curious if anyone else with this horrible disorder has been referred to as an abuser during the splits that come with the overwhelming emotions.",4.132510822510824,5.794906168831169,5.45482683982684,78.8117640692641,71.72727272727272,8.769696969696971,30.58225108225109,9.2995712137729,2.89705367965368,939,41,172,21,18,314,139,231,0.132,0.805,0.063,-0.9537,5,1,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,12,9,1,1,10,0,17,3,0,1,2,35,31,15,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,19,0,1,6,0,1,9,2,4,0,1,15,0,30,5,34,15,6,41,0,2,0,0,10,17,0,4,16,123,34,2,0.0,0.3460430270365511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082860133277136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614330457494234,0.19949980779011253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146657809207306,0.07485863593642814,0.0,0.05934563438426803,0.10751901014288087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610103363182776,0.0,0.0,0.3678390111580828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992581212508737,0.0,0.0,0.08386120008526582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278478901469449,0.0,0.0,0.09881149412626694,0.0,0.0,0.1115752527445363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24397843161690036,0.1095092969272222,0.08622607885249972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806158343229246,0.0,0.09302519731647443,0.0,0.0,0.09177597490991696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086305226186422,0.0,0.0553280924836754,0.08165528278199681,0.07786228319481313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097653242157657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161149432595708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577458524556313,0.0,0.13752695165364845,0.04756187787034583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498404681433394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770643113543726,0.3104132768158891,0.07156583648084851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596907814749962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323970291498179,0.0,0.0,0.06749248197570587,0.08500509820425113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452095139998364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942912601206148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774642699377209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303462062651455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457520369752606,0.056767459893257176,0.0,0.0,0.09302519731647443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134816110539917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384505385635007,0.10557544109297932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hermitcryptid,2019/10/18,"Splitting? I was just diagnosed with BPD recently and haven’t ever done much research on it—as before, I only ever thought that I had depression/anxiety. 

Some of my behaviours were explained to me, but can anyone here explain to me what ‘splitting’ is? I see it used here a lot but haven’t been able to understand what it is.",4.083809523809524,5.8370580158730165,5.2446349206349225,79.90314285714291,72.01587301587301,8.84952380952381,31.647619047619052,9.3871,3.105529523809524,257,12,47,6,5,85,47,63,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,2,14,16,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,7,0,6,10,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,3,40,12,1,0.25281031269669263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339919724071453,0.0,0.0,0.1767708487700813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512295574551865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31840573879693845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565971457718674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25871272375451043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573628029954189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493028727239286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858446685594681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227363487482815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496196845246088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014570877577392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007031490952148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631844513517964,0.0,0.2183469396095118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bamberrs,2019/10/18,"How to cope with behaviours? Hi everyone, first time post in this group. Sorry it’s a long one.

I was diagnosed with BPD around 4 years ago. Medication was making me horrible, I didn’t get on with my therapist so I quit everything like the commitment phobe I am. I was addicted to spending money, getting loans etc.

It took a long time and some dedication from my parents but I was finally debt free. My mum stated that if I took out a loan or a credit card again I would be kicked out.

Recently I took out a credit card and was handling it well. Credit score was back up. Then I took out another and I was still handling it ok..

This year I went through a sexual assault which really messed me up, as it would anyone. I started drinking heavily and isolating myself. Couldn’t find motivation to work and all that. I ended up maxing out my cards and getting myself into a worse position.

On the plus side I have since had a boyfriend who understands my BPD the best he can. He’s done as much research and is acting extremely supportive. It’s going well so far. But I’m getting really bad again. I’ve since took out an overdraft and maxed that too. He’s been very understanding, but I know I need help. I did a telephone assessment to get help, which went into more detail than I was anticipating. Since then I’ve been having flashbacks to the assault, my depression and lack of motivation is sky high and my work are very concerned and have even referred me to their work therapist helpline.

I’ve had a referral to the hospital for another therapy assessment which is good news. However it’s not until April. When I found out it was so long away, I felt defeated. The work helpline won’t help me as my problems are too “heavy” and although they are expert therapists, they told me to wait until the appointment.

I’m struggling, my relationship will suffer, my finances will suffer even more. How do I cope until April? It seems like unless I’m threatening suicide, nobody professionally cares.

I can sort out my finances by March if I keep myself in check. But spending money is my only coping mechanism right now.

Sorry it’s so long, any help would be appreciated.",3.562730739893212,5.883416719806768,4.819816933638446,79.91162471395883,75.03864734299519,8.51248410882278,27.319857615052122,9.206073818396263,2.5907787439613528,1718,68,316,43,38,567,212,414,0.153,0.6990000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.7559,3,0,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,3,10,19,23,2,1,18,1,39,4,0,5,2,63,69,37,1,9,9,2,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,19,27,1,2,10,1,14,9,4,10,2,2,26,1,47,14,44,34,8,63,0,4,0,0,18,24,0,6,30,218,66,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393618381809803,0.0,0.0,0.0682516405639346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052359408029171495,0.16147245898880905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053836866714776124,0.0,0.0,0.0685420934949449,0.0,0.0,0.07233956879442352,0.0592045920721862,0.06428781489311224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080176117263678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394563572103973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850178546534135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631589315243966,0.07814855465382653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879286954323689,0.0,0.07542602936030725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819493516795692,0.0,0.08587005283439683,0.10170926855945192,0.0,0.0,0.07357225777175029,0.06919836304341373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392751129011219,0.08434452925171068,0.07037226058877459,0.0654921175020496,0.0,0.08442131386409077,0.0,0.0,0.2011341926713208,0.0,0.04375817305046785,0.06457995990940309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643316346646567,0.08134970546108207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843691297656326,0.0,0.0,0.04231457398153849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523197670586153,0.0,0.0,0.2725534816885375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051394925043915615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756461073007592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056600365504276724,0.057090999817908425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052173971810248916,0.0585583546469549,0.0,0.0,0.08549410967687232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737401628776743,0.0,0.0,0.07367405264777985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189392238778376,0.0,0.0,0.09865025321203416,0.0,0.07602351733127136,0.08266408027910019,0.0,0.06575351997895734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009358084796259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107379112835945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237974995304212,0.05449763190002082,0.0,0.061488503465989164,0.0,0.0,0.08049214930143776,0.0,0.08422030304537832,0.08737329350962625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880507747930748,0.26819224744798764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979309504941126,0.0,0.0,0.07357225777175029,0.42772276047936464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030953437641993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705828422872206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845594706463207,0.1427507301292503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242138263990996,0.0,0.07846473426574951,0.16408564244252502,0.0,0.0,0.09916482896094657
bpd,Emfori,2019/10/18,"My husband called me a child and implied I can control my symptoms. I found out yesterday that I may have to go to court over a traffic accident I didn't even realize I was involved in. This is my first time dealing with anything like this; I've never even been pulled over. The shock, fear, and guilt led me to have several panic attacks, to have bursts of rage, and to dissociate hard. I was on the phone with my husband (and fp), who is normally very underatanding and gentle with me, through all of this. He suddenly raised his voice at me, telling me to stop acting like that and face my responsibilities like an adult. When I was unable to do so, he said that he would just deal with it all since he is ""the adult in this relationship.""

I admit I handled this badly. I immediately hung up on him and fell back on some bad coping mechanisms. I hardly spoke to him once he got back home, despite his attempts to apologize. This morning, however, we acted like nothing happened.

I understand that it's difficult to be married to me and be surrounded by my symptoms 24/7. It's understandable that he would get frustrated with me sometimes. Nobody's perfect, as I have to keep reminding myself. Especially since he's been very stressed about money recently. But even knowing all this, and his repeated apologies, I'm having trouble getting past what he said and preventing myself from splitting on him. Any advice on how to move on is greatly appreciated.",6.587500000000002,7.339357750000001,6.961764705882356,73.6479411764706,65.25,10.076470588235297,35.852941176470594,10.056822442137396,3.6890970588235295,1156,54,205,25,17,376,159,272,0.149,0.77,0.081,-0.9567,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,0,4,10,18,3,4,6,0,22,3,1,3,5,41,37,15,0,3,2,2,2,4,0,3,2,4,1,3,17,17,0,4,6,0,1,7,2,12,0,1,11,6,35,6,38,21,4,33,0,0,0,0,34,14,0,2,16,144,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707221188899168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814716143867701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985894353427731,0.0,0.0,0.1362956606054899,0.0,0.1842455396953236,0.2000646020222996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233445931485196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343716697144917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470277104576704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373905269236261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348141083373917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190620450726384,0.0,0.1313601697965668,0.0,0.0,0.12518649848892466,0.0,0.06808803107649809,0.0,0.09581912767767548,0.13208560746029593,0.0,0.0,0.10594330380499244,0.0,0.2146437753243595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017433980239138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648832738408888,0.0,0.0,0.06584178057253161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23412299055480396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733392079640726,0.0,0.0,0.0924011220754394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738361585545246,0.11495627836315055,0.0,0.0,0.12758858114291988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056553712539147,0.0,0.0,0.11436757765609963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829313816704128,0.12862590173639182,0.0,0.0,0.2279242769574737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534572511958878,0.0,0.19820812618246705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849036271269205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016247495165212,0.137236401440388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490468593573568,0.0,0.0,0.1047149869866062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985934992221862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494427851430584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770360145324348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702122909160829,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NateDogg1232,2019/10/18,"I'm doing a speech on BPD Hello! As an outsider of BPD nor do I have any loved ones who have it, I have a large interest in the personality disorders, and most of all, BPD. This is mostly because I feel that those who have BPD are extremely misunderstood. So, in light of that, in my communications class, I'm giving a speech all about BPD, what it is, what the symptoms are, etc. to help raise awareness of mental illnesses other than just Depression and Anxiety.

I just wanted to really let you know that people do care and hope to get the word out about people like you which are not talked about often! If y'all are interested, it will need to be recorded as a requirement of the assignment. It *will not* be a good recording, but it'll be something. When I'm done presenting, I can post it here as a comment, and if there's any criticisms in what I talked about and any factual inconsistencies from your points of view, I'd love to know, as I want to learn more.",7.873152995927862,6.1397276125654425,8.193472949389182,74.11852821407797,63.45026178010471,12.049098312972658,33.78766724840023,10.980518767755715,3.354559744037232,758,24,156,17,9,251,111,191,0.052000000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.134,0.9251,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,0,1,11,9,0,0,11,0,22,4,0,0,3,29,37,15,0,6,7,0,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,18,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,5,12,8,28,29,6,10,0,1,1,2,15,7,0,6,3,115,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24029592386067225,0.0,0.09010610511006703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180136192083157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7417378504414387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009086028752658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144906402069363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499316650396131,0.0,0.0,0.12053615636739612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313627257862935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059556231557847776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153841747153694,0.11299123640451254,0.0,0.09879345924276133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894959345704504,0.0,0.0,0.11698825333541413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946440802640538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044434904722012,0.0,0.05754437781371796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261325179892324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870076557794725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873369598177436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981496372558597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331621274428576,0.10284634892869624,0.0,0.0,0.111346011716973,0.0,0.11280660108848052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545684283223072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067755567988647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242494027791714,0.0,0.1893441392358772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894668109672098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ughhhh-owo,2019/10/18,My fp wants some alone time I completely understand she’s going though a hard time but holy shit all I want to do is keep texting her and ring her because this must mean I’ve done something horrible to her and she hates my guts and never wants anything to do with me ever again but also my brains like fuck her she’s a bitch I never liked her anyway we could find someone waaayyyy better. How do I make my brain stfu!?,2.1825581395348834,4.214220918604654,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,78.18604651162791,5.695348837209302,21.21511627906977,6.6274283507984215,0.2550744186046514,333,9,71,3,8,104,61,86,0.28300000000000003,0.635,0.08199999999999999,-0.9716,0,1,1,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,4,0,2,0,7,5,4,2,5,23,17,8,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,2,18,3,4,14,2,7,0,0,0,1,9,0,3,1,8,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728654560949287,0.0,0.14461061306772804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880863660753318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023299652993417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993046565320795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037347573275496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959803047310905,0.0,0.0,0.14437896664322095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850530595955706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357213671450305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527640391956394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717549325444833,0.0,0.0,0.10277051530478963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619892002183628,0.17853333259847698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073104341807645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668994097496155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070620326681515,0.0,0.0,0.1969781453681485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789362764731626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562058680323168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532176547819472,0.13921266133677362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766569626072876,0.0,0.2108882068361692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882516145856256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199767094683124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thedepressedbadger,2019/10/18,"BPD SUCKS AND ALL BUT IT HS HELPED ME IN A WAY So I drive Lyft/Uber and I’ve realized over time that the way BPD causes me to change myself into what people what ya actually been really beneficial for tips. I can usually tell what type of people I’m driving super quick depending on where they sit and their body language because yeah no, we’re more receptive to those things. I’m always able to be the best person that they would have wanted to pick them up. After the ride I’m always left with this annoying empty feeling but seeing the tips I get helps. But man, by the end of the night I’ve almost forgotten completely how to act like a normal person....",3.8315909090909055,5.254417765151518,5.112545454545458,81.9188181818182,72.1060606060606,8.31030303030303,23.04848484848485,8.841846274778883,1.5484793939393944,523,13,102,10,10,174,96,132,0.068,0.8079999999999999,0.124,0.8204,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,4,2,4,5,2,0,8,1,5,1,1,4,1,19,13,8,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,1,2,11,3,16,10,3,20,0,0,1,0,11,7,1,2,7,63,20,1,0.16536615376231148,0.0,0.16137351171755446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559031590153456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751957742732423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080567246035793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354157609261614,0.0,0.0,0.1836845176991127,0.4165457634939728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698765921174015,0.17493546391103007,0.0,0.1733832659970475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646532895855724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361409603919813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639699010451131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22168289419591908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967080991758713,0.0,0.0,0.08078954976119702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518493309545606,0.1620237201281337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292881389564586,0.2887826939907094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593779254250756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177541452045993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445373071965304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986192459345114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964263340981854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821274556149568,0.0,0.09753724197831792,0.2625199113912894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747137104600823,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Elliottsmithgetsme,2019/10/18,"Always first making moves? It is hard to know if it is just my impatience or whether this is a genuine thing. 

In almost every situation in my life, I find myself inserting myself into their life or situation or conversation or thoughts, rather than the other way around? For example - I am always the first to kiss my husband, the first to say hello to colleagues at work, to ask how people are. I am the first the initiate sex, I am the first to reach out to the one friend I did have via text to see if they want to spend time together. Perhaps it is my innate neediness but I can’t help but wish, just sometimes, the opposite would happen. 

My friend would text out of the blue. My husband would come home and kiss me first, before anything else. My colleagues would ask how I was and genuinely wait to hear the answer. 

DAE have this? I feel like this need for someone needing me around is so strong, as to dictate much of my behaviour....",4.617032967032966,5.863677846153853,5.106263736263736,83.38873626373626,69.98901098901099,8.237362637362638,27.736263736263727,8.617729084823388,1.9359648351648349,736,25,144,12,13,235,106,182,0.016,0.825,0.16,0.9815,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,8,8,6,0,0,11,0,18,5,0,3,0,38,33,15,0,11,12,2,2,1,2,4,2,2,1,0,8,8,0,1,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,3,6,22,6,25,26,1,18,0,0,2,3,13,8,0,7,8,109,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451793174344313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031820020831966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411092816785596,0.2036144672741633,0.21382776050658733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731441069091286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851351805743147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095535534129719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635568163866448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057825322035742636,0.08170088366198114,0.0,0.0,0.10452562520372033,0.5836621819912851,0.0,0.0,0.17671299662648055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113074103317546,0.0,0.10244670157099622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889530791141104,0.0,0.07665504594276193,0.0,0.1147153203732331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285086287756564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161555806753779,0.05587193970109773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633812851211078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215496714403342,0.08406989546158376,0.16959729301133922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749526556629423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928484012981309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094597389347298,0.0,0.0,0.09113243031972564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25709739833051165,0.0,0.0,0.09689932003920547,0.0,0.11310783934472325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597763379639486,0.0,0.0,0.0907913737533244,0.06668593079496689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745420563095378,0.09077595247743536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151169914955185,0.0,0.0,0.08325755840300056,0.0,0.0,0.3249605118032336,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dontcheckmyredditlol,2019/10/18,"Could I have BPD? I was diagnosed at 17 with ODD. It was only present in the relationship with my parents, but I’ve heard it usually does get reclassified as other personality disorders, commonly BPD. My relationship with my parents and I guess somewhat my family isn’t very stable. My family on it’s own is dysfunctional and this led to a lot of abuse which cast a lot of self doubt on me. 

I can remember occasions where something with my mom would happen like her throwing something at me or beating and I’d have a big blow up. I’d go to my room and punch myself in the head, followed by a numbness that I’d done such a thing. My relationships with friends have been pretty stable, and I’ve never really had a big blow up with them. I also have a pretty normal relationship with my boyfriend where we can disagree and still be pretty stable. In the past though, I have done things like hit my siblings in an arguments on impulse. I promised them I would try to stop doing that. 

I don’t know that I necessarily have a fluctuating view of people. I can understand that sometimes good people in my life sometimes do unfavorable or bad things, but I am always scared that they will see something bad in me and leave. Sometimes with friends or a boyfriend I’ll overthink if we have a dissenting opinion about something and wonder if they’ll leave me or decide I’m not worth being with. I have a fear of abandonment but it’s always been internal. I’ve never felt it so overwhelmingly that I’ve done anything. 

I am scared of myself sometimes. When I think back to those moments with my mom. Sometimes I’d take a knife into my room and swear that that’d be the day I ended it and she’d tell everyone I was crazy and that she’d take the knives.

I don’t mean to be disrespectful to the sub by asking this as I’m sure people do a lot, just looking for some insight.",5.161321138211385,5.873896842818429,6.043648373983737,79.1171798780488,68.37669376693766,9.076829268292682,30.280149051490522,9.188382445141503,2.474832791327913,1481,55,290,27,24,489,174,369,0.16399999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.9391,3,0,4,0,1,0,27.0,2,0,4,1,11,16,0,5,20,0,41,4,1,1,3,62,61,26,0,6,11,4,1,2,2,4,3,1,2,2,23,24,0,2,9,0,1,4,6,9,0,0,11,5,46,7,41,37,6,37,0,2,3,0,24,20,0,15,15,206,69,0,0.0,0.09218946101824904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062222829891644474,0.12948456277995812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402914893737091,0.0,0.07273974335903458,0.0,0.0,0.05982935727942031,0.1299324431207493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599227570372327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212315742804485,0.0,0.0,0.050179562139806934,0.0,0.0,0.07897322882578628,0.0,0.0,0.08917442291712965,0.0,0.06809008672089535,0.2388730288298564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891457229932298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434863989456611,0.0,0.0,0.1467004447480327,0.08755535105340742,0.0,0.0,0.0747076422781807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022814991246325,0.0,0.04065133819271277,0.0,0.04421993763826753,0.06526144948012379,0.0,0.0,0.0857140091998689,0.0,0.06880513672344755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798531994571113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276110477682487,0.0,0.0,0.16477434626368115,0.0,0.0,0.054957915163076514,0.07602587325800668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533891396164218,0.0,0.0,0.19844810090107726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475545032005086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225499378502746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002026762357733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623507525207507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059176300338256785,0.0,0.0,0.17279259780751194,0.0,0.0742763018967379,0.1618262916744252,0.06793872647309979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374753636742636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049845637293909034,0.0,0.0,0.334145620810142,0.08814101349998023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579826366426416,0.0,0.062002703273298584,0.0,0.08117045291737145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396008304332201,0.3847692734721702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062137369985728115,0.06505076334312461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333288394444394,0.0,0.1170034900284846,0.0,0.06800740337368966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507603606612766,0.049856064723412745,0.07644571972621665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052826355093457913,0.0,0.0,0.08100061221442154,0.0,0.0,0.08569424448034442,0.06419954277500725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437918626313727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054478695557184,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throw4030201,2019/10/18,"Sudden Attraction I've always struggled with falling hard and fast for people (and falling out of it almost just as fast) and it's one of my biggest frustrations with this.

Two nights ago I met and bonded with a cute guy at my job over him getting fired and my own problems with the place I left two months ago.  But it was his last day here before he moves back to his home state, so I gave him a free coffee and he gave me his contact info.  We messaged back and forth a few times but he hasn't said anything since yesterday, which has had me ridiculously anxious.  It's so stupid that I'm already obsessing over this guy I talked to for what, an hour?  And I'm probably not ever going to see him again anyways.

This happens almost anytime someone shows interest in me.  My brain fucking runs with it and I probably come off as a creepy, obsessive loser.  The worst part is, when I start a relationship it usually doesn't keep me happy.  I often get bored of it quickly too.  Ugh, I just want to have a healthy, normal approach to love.",4.570599303135887,5.497229868292688,5.144128919860627,84.26225609756099,69.82926829268294,8.003484320557492,29.27700348432056,8.192908349453996,1.9414808362369345,813,30,161,11,14,261,132,205,0.21100000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.092,-0.9757,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,1,14,18,4,3,9,0,7,3,1,0,1,31,24,16,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,13,17,0,1,1,1,1,7,3,12,0,3,6,4,23,7,23,18,4,37,0,1,1,2,21,9,1,3,20,108,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346641946656716,0.0,0.26508549140247434,0.0,0.14606621566311928,0.0,0.11013688611247888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953287651425595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089237347370599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035584464246651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263143677941885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477612409260224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401928041516507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536339161847012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973020139183692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236775698583917,0.13830874379856686,0.0,0.07522512538955131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621209949768502,0.11704844723678234,0.14090321602465705,0.11857153641820417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277120276961302,0.0,0.13035120819348162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135017166280186,0.11765060104310593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789377255544597,0.0,0.0,0.1438131350809349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194630646166624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565113965319724,0.14068126228369102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421400981060582,0.1296879507572256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969281160276703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433365774576906,0.0,0.0917640603816681,0.0,0.13829149789104425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28542009350795905,0.1266538217213433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421086706941656,0.0,0.0,0.12590782875029358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547642935137716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094923065740599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215101197734097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368743956436376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837488180988858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638862323461476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718211665758337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585994620935789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577949745044766,0.0,0.07807131588310727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thatalexdowgirl,2019/10/18,"BPD and new job- Advice So I was diagnosed with BPD about 4 months ago and am now going for reassessments for bipolar or another mood disorder too. I've recently quit my old job, (the workload was too much, and I was paranoid that people were analysing me). I've just landed a really good job at a school, and I'm doing tutoring with children on the side. I really want to hold this job down because me and my boyfriend are getting a flat and whatnot but I always seem to be unable to hold jobs down and it's a skill I really, really, desperately want to achieve. 

Any advice on holding down a job with BPD? I feel like the BPD really holds me back in this area of my life and all I want to do is strive and reach my potential.",4.932087087087087,5.045341608108114,6.0517117117117145,80.96415915915921,68.72972972972973,10.091291291291293,29.28228228228228,9.994966539143718,2.609984084084084,570,19,119,13,9,191,91,148,0.054000000000000006,0.8640000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.2418,6,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,8,0,10,3,0,0,1,25,18,12,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,12,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,14,2,19,13,2,18,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,2,8,74,18,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006810612302776,0.09102218546902073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544038931029113,0.0,0.0,0.06982788559074947,0.107671962086027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789568033190964,0.0,0.06259453599855742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173020158825591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422097076440492,0.0,0.0,0.11768348669497772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191955389782876,0.07335667633924296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053647571364503766,0.0,0.05835705208366609,0.08612553544334525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6113815379553464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252796111602591,0.05016567279805772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196050225921844,0.0,0.07548373817796535,0.0,0.0,0.09917177394648212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774841876779227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118738617410797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921589181997417,0.0,0.0,0.3289064398393556,0.0,0.10138696502177348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392056553337273,0.0,0.09347864554485733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169508486576735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wishingonastar,2019/10/18,"Is BPD cyclical? Need help please. Borderline is such a series of terrible moods and unsolicited attacks. I find the worst happens every two weeks or so, but even that varies. It's like PMS x1000, but I don't have periods anymore, so it's very difficult to prepare.

Here are the stages: (1) anger, rage (2) guilt (3) depression, anxiety, desperation to keep from losing everything (4) negative self-talk, self-punishing (5) becoming numb and distant (6) REGRET (7) logical, rational thinking, goal planning, self care. (Regret seems to hang around all month.)

 Then, the cycle repeats. 

 It's very frightening that I am having trouble diffusing these stages. My family is constantly on edge and I'm the reason   
 why.  

 What can I do to reduce or eliminate anger and rage so my family can comfortably converse with me? The emotions are overwhelming and very hard to reel in most of the time. 

 What has worked for you?  I am in therapy, I read articles on BPD, started meditation, wrote myself advice letters and I'm on medication. 

Thank you.",3.853043478260865,6.803402565217392,4.992565217391307,75.65460869565219,77.69565217391305,9.332173913043476,29.85217391304348,9.642632912329526,3.712424782608697,808,38,133,26,20,265,130,184,0.306,0.617,0.077,-0.9955,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,0,4,7,21,5,2,7,0,14,3,0,1,1,24,25,14,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,16,0,1,1,1,12,4,16,24,3,17,0,5,0,0,7,6,0,4,9,79,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028296682088036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199272762718156,0.0,0.13222188424825346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868689694441505,0.0,0.15167564310933382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147246218997651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358345872721232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593301351620812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440762082857573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483202766400667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499718970272925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805944537350469,0.0,0.11233147634110348,0.0,0.11982328762487507,0.0,0.2513725764839239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185599847284215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178982417075024,0.0,0.11943238881233405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936447060834588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850476726746488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513552045847383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915579312787552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431020984109773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641818745624014,0.0,0.0,0.09885828206197778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635004924322514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333603834394663,0.0,0.0,0.13707958963251995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137343904123254,0.41725897803347295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436762858008524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716102531175978,0.0,0.12274710642823194,0.1524679609401237,0.0,0.0,0.08542883059692696,0.0,0.0,0.07774247382183863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023847221852727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300195409256222,0.0,0.0,0.1069447146622082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030444708146384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706168118904014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Beotex,2019/10/18,"We all think we have bad memories In reality, we just choose to forget and forget anything relating to the memory. If anyone asks us why we can't remember, it is just because we don't want to admit we remember it. I realized that I will never forget. Everything that happened will be never be forgotten but it eases my mind to act as if I forgetten. We try to lie to ourselves with a lie we don't believe.",3.7838211382113833,4.9800330731707385,6.432682926829269,73.28528455284554,71.92682926829268,10.34471544715447,30.739837398373986,10.504223727775694,3.6314081300813013,320,14,59,10,6,116,53,82,0.11199999999999999,0.8340000000000001,0.053,-0.1838,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,9,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,3,29,14,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,13,0,9,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,2,2,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489856333599254,0.0,0.19406887161231967,0.0,0.2204702100423888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690908781983185,0.14376042774607412,0.0,0.0,0.2657008509641075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194975390218185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085446311040586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381221468210997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637749102537528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343012461227244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111102340853275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011381213901302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836757329509284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390992717546674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128008541384812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somniaprophitiae,2019/10/18,"Been off quetiapine for a while now, thought I had misdiagnosed ADHD/ASD, things are getting bad again. Late last year I was diagnosed with ADHD/ASD as an adult. There were some suspicion over whether or not my BPD symptoms were misdiagnosed/unchecked ADHD/ASD, so my GP took me off quetiapine and put me on anti-depressants.

It's been a few months, my mental health is deteriorating. I didn't notice, or maybe I didn't want to notice, that everything's going bad again. I can't stop spiralling. I can't stop having breakdowns over the tiniest thing. I can't shut up when I start venting. I can't stop raising my voice and crying every other day. 

It's getting worse than it has ever been before. I don't know how I didn't notice until now. I never used to hit things, I never used to pull out my hair. I never used to be so undone that I can't physically stop myself from bruising and scratching the skin off my entire arm. I can't physically stop myself from crying and screaming for days at a time. I can't physically bring myself out of bed until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. I'm so stuck in my own head and my own pain that I can't see that I'm scaring my partner with my reckless outbursts. She's never seen me like this. I've never seen myself like this. I can't recognize who I am anymore when I look in the mirror, if I look too hard, I'm scared I'll see a reflection of my abusive ex. I'm scared I'll see my partner look at me with the same fear she used to look at her abusive exes with. I want to smash every mirror. I can't look at my SO in the eyes. I can't hear myself think over all the screaming insecurities. I can't stop myself from speaking just for the sake of getting a reaction. I can't stop thinking about tearing my own throat out.

I'm so tired. I feel crazy. I feel sick. 

I think I've been very sick for a long time, now.

Something needs to change. I can feel myself pushing my partner away and she's recoiling from my touch now just out of fear of another outburst. I can feel.. whatever this is destroying everything, burning everything I tried so hard to build and I'm just... tired. I don't feel like I have the energy to change, but I need to. I have to before it kills everything I love.

I'm going to get back on quetiapine. It's gonna take a while before I can get back onto the dose that worked for me. I just hope this works. I hope that's what's wrong with me. Because I can't keep going like this anymore.",2.1123103819257665,3.8287709388560174,3.8924237941545634,87.67907678859603,77.28402366863907,6.66037296037296,23.15980814057737,7.520522993642371,0.9153080867850104,1914,59,409,26,44,644,208,507,0.157,0.7879999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9871,0,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,0,2,26,21,2,6,18,0,39,16,6,5,7,66,94,27,1,7,11,1,11,4,3,1,9,5,1,4,22,16,0,8,11,0,0,8,25,14,0,0,16,27,75,7,59,75,7,71,0,0,11,1,13,25,0,7,42,265,97,2,0.0,0.15054596047768445,0.0,0.0,0.2290531126688341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661702637066946,0.0,0.0,0.12600991154494814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968877903017453,0.09770171076941116,0.10609024193640322,0.038727462326209966,0.0,0.1621787391245183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001414984458861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441320161415896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957003472743135,0.08194353557606215,0.0,0.054718527612646915,0.06448188575073936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057466765502544995,0.1070539833699493,0.0,0.2283876373488428,0.0,0.0,0.14297843022085618,0.1606140644303307,0.04538603687979224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595971723149786,0.0,0.10831714781419276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382128484561255,0.0,0.06520038449464004,0.0675297051559073,0.07160323042162825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261997837492798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056468622141970286,0.07028682987501897,0.0,0.03491457439175008,0.05178564852102111,0.07166491063507463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415072161573533,0.0,0.0,0.05622228889919067,0.2667471273364169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733854817527416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638246942762514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402356869053374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070925461535942,0.0,0.0,0.09421377897418598,0.2449922999143509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169888970554027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760068545124694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386546754026991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081464669358406,0.0,0.15187619734500687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890870489751485,0.0,0.0,0.04496705139883126,0.0,0.0,0.37179904716825896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603227481435818,0.04776685586135651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662006339328655,0.12212289343905627,0.0,0.0504359371996964,0.0740900215215677,0.1460373971101782,0.0,0.0,0.07058446645979212,0.04313288242625463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194790183121009,0.0,0.05241912536715263,0.0749435973576426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250158497265903,0.0,0.06474277167118975,0.0,0.06946037602153046,0.0,0.040911410325349305
bpd,ducksyndrome,2019/10/18,"Constantly feeling uncomfortable so that you can predict you’re normal Can anyone relate? Sometimes there comes a point where I cannot keep going because I’m too overwhelmed 

Life feels massively unfair and I hate it so fucking much",4.841463414634148,8.269314121951222,4.588487804878049,76.77053658536586,78.51219512195122,6.206829268292682,30.151219512195123,7.554174236665415,2.605552195121952,193,9,27,3,5,59,35,41,0.223,0.713,0.064,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,2,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,11,1,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146986247565419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871766830897389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644990054406778,0.0,0.3318152534169083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31051048565384304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838655874945881,0.0,0.0,0.1745053185499688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031513074006429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729228499959959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168806426374365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257193142176413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30084678545615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902643709103176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036833076733924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BreadCheeseTomato,2019/10/18,"Is BPD considered a disability and a protected class? Just as the title says, is BPD legally considered a disability? Do I need to disclose this information at a job or school? Am I able to request accommodations for my disorder?

This is in Canada btw.

Any input would be appreciated. I know bipolar is considered a disability, but would BPD?",4.006323185011709,7.118677360655737,6.765948477751759,62.075245901639356,78.672131147541,10.698829039812646,33.304449648711945,10.290406445055957,4.955635128805621,273,15,43,11,7,98,43,61,0.032,0.858,0.11,0.5283,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,31,6,4,0.21051939633383654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431604085247115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7954254303048967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412734667437413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890801718558907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569595466723295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609746489995466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674134735945275,0.0,0.21305686818401368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990938781180019,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alpha-and-omega2,2019/10/18,BPD and DID Is having an alternate personality (or two) while drunk something that happens or is normal?,9.55,9.994762888888893,9.785555555555558,56.965,59.0,11.644444444444444,40.22222222222222,11.20814326018867,4.986822222222223,84,4,12,2,1,28,16,18,0.124,0.8759999999999999,0.0,-0.34,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304461338937524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37243731811304703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126550476478221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677475009657873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242355692965192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411419768486015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,badluckclairee,2019/10/18,"I don’t want to feel this way anymore I’m causing problems in my relationship and I just don’t know how to fix it. I tell my boyfriend I hate him and I don’t care but then I call him 20 mins later crying and I don’t mean it. He’s obviously tired of my shit and he’s hurting by my non sense hate/love attitude towards him. I told him he’s genuinely better off without me, we have had each other blocked for two days but we still contact each other by private calls. We need to end it but he keeps coming back to me even when I’m the shittiest person. He deserves better than me.",0.17868571428571656,2.288078280000001,2.429742857142859,93.5453,86.2,5.1714285714285735,21.728571428571424,6.5431188927421005,0.3575371428571432,455,16,103,5,14,154,78,125,0.217,0.7020000000000001,0.081,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,3,0,0,2,6,7,2,0,1,0,6,2,1,2,1,26,18,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,10,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,1,22,3,13,16,2,13,0,1,0,0,19,3,1,0,8,65,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246850519756596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372335402072444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30761231106794273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551559346065206,0.0,0.17730925392141067,0.1786498670619406,0.0,0.14980503995728953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910281101278775,0.11215529729473568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540295294453891,0.0,0.0,0.11486359461932777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793234521436416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433933042023729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617049132639102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545760763099629,0.0,0.0,0.0955744572966612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943514695305946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894945666949129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518484367039069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640502162988316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671048452596006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851250996837342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888194529170386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200193501825005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987992431493404,0.0,0.1661751010820277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988136835631898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257455188983557,0.13803887482848234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763964775665718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,second_A,2019/10/18,"Getting Attached to Therapist Does anyone else get attached to their therapist from 0 to 100?

I feel like it's a bpd thing, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm bad at expressing my emotions so I failed at trying to tell her multiple times, and obviously no one around me will get it. 

I'm thinking about her and the therapy almost all the time, to the point I get frustrated from only being able to see her twice a week. Eventually it makes it so much harder to do anything that requires attention, because I keep drifting off to thinking about her. 

I'm also terrified of the point I'll split on her and I'll be even more distracted, obsessing all the time at how she betrayed me etc.

I'm starting a new semester soon and I'm scared it will be even harder for me because of that.. I'm still trying to talk to her about it as well. 
Had anyone else had this problem, and how did you handle it?",4.340081967213116,4.910931491803279,5.639467213114758,81.79231557377051,70.14754098360656,8.94153005464481,30.004098360655732,9.075114841892004,2.3898819672131144,705,27,144,13,12,237,101,183,0.174,0.8009999999999999,0.024,-0.9826,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,2,15,9,1,3,8,0,10,0,0,4,3,23,28,13,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,7,1,2,3,2,18,2,26,20,5,17,0,1,1,0,12,8,0,1,9,99,30,2,0.13473655152438085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349191936971235,0.0,0.0,0.10774877157507204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884218592134211,0.2761070389314741,0.11087670160635814,0.11994409666446132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112499392573341,0.16426830245960994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969596996837025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790886421258365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22511019956389874,0.15156048542088596,0.0,0.0,0.15026687094859315,0.1779844431023439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681268488311273,0.09625581933065362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28157714850161714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976003776545913,0.0,0.0,0.07404768505256512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582547326871381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993769438899328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904686835673472,0.0,0.0,0.1301294010588419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913009743222814,0.1024732188958334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547391837854314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289246832400829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489479305736202,0.0,0.10736758716479937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536722465418157,0.0,0.1076007840936694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829613638543553,0.11776568478621165,0.0,0.15408298907502996,0.31287904227721525,0.08951297787834732,0.17266748358664322,0.0,0.0,0.2356979001495351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295454829106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080775344493556,0.0,0.12114434102975395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lavenderoseus,2019/10/18,"i feel horrible for the people around me all i am is a disruptive, destructive mess.  i split with the guy i was seeing yesterday because i knew i was becoming dangerously attatched and emotoinally dependent. i think it was the right call because i know i'd have ruined him. i'm insanely high maintenence. my family and friends have to deal with my disaster of a self being in and out of hospital. i cant stand to see what i'm doing to everyone else. my mum told me she was up at three am last night crying because she doesn't know how to help me. i dont think anyone does. i think im beyond help. the dissociation is getting so frequent and im nauseous from anxiety. why am i so intense? i cant handle this. i need to go to college in about an hour. i cant.",1.6833333333333336,3.693348840764333,4.275439490445859,83.05209766454351,79.70063694267515,8.263099787685777,26.390233545647558,9.029198982220553,2.3504406794055206,596,25,123,16,15,210,96,157,0.177,0.757,0.066,-0.9521,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,7,0,18,0,0,2,1,19,33,7,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,6,3,24,1,20,26,1,16,0,1,2,0,12,9,0,1,5,81,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261576930821565,0.0,0.0,0.11207333806164707,0.0,0.0,0.14268551801889398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931204012828904,0.17701956639613695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636664806580511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606293712099666,0.0,0.16524434824846831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402644051441403,0.0,0.18785004261804847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133895566056768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315691681865554,0.0,0.0,0.15110019393358362,0.0,0.08104371108531985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383395837177773,0.0,0.08374105607012435,0.0,0.09109230942481923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870499821386305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148681296673849,0.1693473932956981,0.0,0.0,0.1578460990150632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462654789795385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617427774510336,0.13065173190122584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884753540298025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041438559219567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111119790616205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368804858645756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255449000310614,0.0,0.16720973407486714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081079022525861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315691681865554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446301385723695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,graaaaaasstastesbad,2019/10/18,"Sudden realization I’m more mentally ill than I thought I was I’ve always been “high functioning”/quiet bpd, never had anger outbursts at anyone besides romantic partners, held down jobs, got decent grades, easy kid to raise, you get the picture. All of my symptoms seem to be funneled solely into romantic relationships. I used to only date people I perceived (shallow and wrongly) as less attractive and book smart than I was, and I would always push them away.

And now I’m in my first monogamous relationship I take seriously and he has to so often sit me down and go “I know this is extremely emotionally painful for you, but you cannot keep doing (enter toxic behavior here)” and he is right every dam time but it keeps happening. 

Now that I’m with someone who doesn’t idolize me as “too good for them” it’s so much more obvious I’m not nearly as self aware as therapists/parents/professors think I am. Or I have stronger BPD symptoms than I would ever admit to myself. I really feel like I had an inflated ego and it just got popped and now I’m just a sick teenager with shit self esteem again.

He really sees the worst of me and still wants to be here and I just.....I’m not used to people showing me I’m worse than I think I am. This might be the first step to serious growth but wow does it suck to feel this.",3.1131760953500063,5.1819666563706575,4.428766157461811,83.3673795534665,75.48648648648648,7.7475910693302,25.54658385093168,8.587818076936951,1.891871445358401,1040,37,201,21,23,343,157,259,0.11199999999999999,0.762,0.126,-0.0654,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,2,2,15,13,3,0,5,0,20,6,1,2,4,45,48,21,0,3,8,0,2,1,1,3,5,0,0,4,9,14,0,3,9,2,0,5,5,8,0,2,9,3,28,5,30,33,6,27,0,0,1,0,16,9,2,4,13,132,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046656532674748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599351315184163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155478399862833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30978895306962645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762442858499617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834083424023572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124638052087693,0.10361961445108292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436915961682175,0.08786004023212891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922084108615935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425424397151673,0.0,0.06989483711323033,0.10315343315272196,0.19672363014399571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875464961481847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299397121962523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220429850482053,0.2186282722321318,0.0,0.0,0.06758897937864766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008393850787504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393929295596415,0.13046695438232267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040764391392768,0.0,0.09485310816649208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935351358235905,0.13086401351140034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052371850525888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757384046819414,0.0,0.0,0.2640783206172237,0.0,0.1050279581656717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800259967162052,0.11196032819745444,0.2565989862526222,0.0,0.12624166222186356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042042359337694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982154563248079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556556474483286,0.09246892141864176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576068040373712,0.0,0.09763583199050928,0.07171316024932063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243797327009106,0.0,0.0,0.07253935275757316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533155381766625,0.17472909937552678,0.1344640742251652,0.0,0.0
bpd,starfiresz,2019/10/18,"DAE struggle not to lash out on people? I have been really irritated lately, my mood swings make it even harder. And I have been lashing out on people so badly that I'm scared I'll end up all alone. I sometimes put my family and friends on a pedestal but then, they do one simple thing and it's like the end of the world. I hate when people pressure me, I hate to have to deal with the same shit every day. So I lash out. I'm so done with things. It's been a hell of a ride to try and keep myself from not breaking down in anger and sadness.",2.0678927203065167,3.1927468620689647,3.4745977011494285,93.10795019157094,76.06896551724137,6.1900383141762445,20.64750957854406,6.42735559955562,0.02416015325670529,420,9,98,3,9,138,74,116,0.315,0.6459999999999999,0.039,-0.9903,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,13,5,3,6,0,8,1,1,1,1,17,14,11,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,10,0,1,4,0,11,2,18,10,2,19,1,1,0,0,3,10,2,0,7,66,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914333886858952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432956248604224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920332881881875,0.1905568405979767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891504494879072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274180192850946,0.0,0.0,0.12208182019915975,0.0,0.15573151794466014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742460536467525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280311621057856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36497272926347496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428990245086006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085020092713599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030107858915326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337884417471835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524902667826562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844240929056222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858102966597975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841007850915207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505214933152614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973054271446774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280660997915024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322974666203813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455924142662748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549087931378616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frxgmnts,2019/10/18,"We are all here, we are all loved Hey guys, I was diagnosed with BPD a few months back and honestly I have not taken it seriously up until now when the symptoms have started flaring and a lot of my aspects of my life personally and socially are in turmoil. 
On a internet binge, to understand BPD, I came across this subreddit and just reading about certain aspects of what you all have shared has made me feel less alone in this self deprecating headspace of mine. 
What i wanted to share with y'all is love (even if it's the virtual idea of it). Love and understanding for each other and especially for our own selves. I think we often forget that, at least I do 🐡

Even when each day at times feels like you're surviving through your paranoia, your distrust with your own self, we will get through this and we will slowly move forward with love, empathy and tenderness. 

All of you are beautiful.

Sending gentle winds your way. 

This life will be good. 

🌻",6.407342657342657,6.834950263736262,6.358331668331668,78.94575924075927,65.5934065934066,10.134665334665335,33.578421578421576,10.018931242160765,3.1784879120879133,756,31,146,16,11,239,117,182,0.054000000000000006,0.726,0.22,0.9872,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,6,7,0,1,10,14,1,1,5,0,15,9,0,1,5,39,30,12,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,0,4,11,20,0,0,6,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,4,2,23,11,25,22,12,21,0,0,0,4,26,8,0,3,11,110,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541946412997794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796443250709208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536757836675701,0.0,0.0,0.16058837615604854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055099697255364,0.0,0.0,0.1425103029873523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854751983992036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198814888557504,0.10030689691887887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335694144486113,0.0,0.0,0.11776685690948295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902515453390146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585025833617647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983474465434524,0.06859584186925706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936913899883893,0.5068917435138456,0.13285664143047954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207164857790784,0.1492305813255576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259810872890327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044514743486647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29295056086394106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312740882586542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938090433749154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593679110307958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899672331387656,0.0,0.0,0.08187253902741977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29233759238343554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281577564034967,0.1114486612597595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dazedanddistracted,2019/10/18,"My psychiatrist kicked me out of his office He actually cussed me out and called me the biggest fucking piece of shit he has ever met. 

He told me that I am nothing but a “ fucking liar” and he does not ever want me on his property again. 

He told me if I “ ever fucking try to go back” he will “ call the fucking police” and have me arrested. 

This is the second psychiatrist who has cussed me out and thrown me out of their office. 

I fucking give up. Fuck them.",2.4432608695652185,4.251033108695655,4.158043478260872,85.73423913043482,76.6086956521739,6.773913043478261,24.54347826086957,7.645422480735847,1.1964956521739132,354,12,73,5,8,119,55,92,0.131,0.831,0.039,-0.8474,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,5,8,8,0,4,0,6,7,1,0,3,15,18,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,3,0,17,0,10,14,1,13,0,0,0,6,17,7,7,1,5,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.1349499117139034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633554429686716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824166346500253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210174530017523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752703861930777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7670745540863577,0.0,0.1326592094325736,0.07859270684754813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269182472804306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195145679897506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26428173226055623,0.0,0.09388901164102316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156631192874875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kearbeatkat,2019/10/18,"Episodes I was diagnosed with BPD over a year ago but I have episodes that are different than what someone would consider a typical BPD episode. It's a mixture of dissociation and what I can only describe as ""stimming"" behaviours that look similar to autism. Sometimes I struggle to speak, rock back and forth, move my hands certain ways, and make repetitive noises. Does anyone else have this? I can't find anything.",6.122612612612612,8.497929189189191,5.644324324324322,76.56261261261263,67.91891891891892,9.257657657657658,38.009009009009006,9.725611199111238,4.1787549549549565,336,19,55,8,6,103,60,74,0.079,0.883,0.038,-0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,7,2,1,1,1,9,9,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,7,7,0,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909263274465812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060261054757468,0.2206879871965459,0.17724398623949675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561822161222267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425412143437552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861183719586447,0.0,0.2250320961580101,0.0,0.0,0.18848537883283728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992702044622347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685852467886755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808696470173088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377155196489602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289207928516041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638104447260046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249550909765305,0.0,0.2130218531543792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251677809855632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096305376024554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300374144568474,0.0,0.0,0.13870125647489953
bpd,flamingtrashmonster,2019/10/18,"What do you do when you suddenly hate your therapist? We had a great therapeutic alliance. I’ve never “split” on a therapist before, or basically anyone aside from my mother and various romantic partners. I think I have very legitimate reasons to feel pissed off,  but I’m not sure I can communicate my reason to him without either breaking down or getting wildly angry and saying something I’ll feel bad about later. 

I’m planning to come up with the perfect dialogue that will make myself sound super reasonable and like I have great insight on the situation, while implicitly implying that what he did wrong  is attributable to his personal failings as a human being. I’m so overwhelmed with emotion right now (and my session was yesterday??) that I’m honestly at a loss to do because I can’t even think straight.",8.760405405405404,8.74138328378379,9.165540540540539,62.30074324324325,60.75675675675675,12.264864864864863,41.47297297297297,11.698219412168324,5.319618918918918,658,34,101,18,8,220,108,148,0.159,0.655,0.185,0.6727,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,3,0,5,5,14,2,1,6,0,13,1,1,5,4,28,25,11,0,0,6,1,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,5,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,4,15,7,17,20,2,17,0,3,0,0,12,8,1,2,8,72,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439695539087008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660398053004438,0.09973255622810152,0.0,0.13921645646438385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409318804935883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840344656622169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806006523258743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544798186769816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085477259991747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607518684948415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615268222082014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799295130675326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092081190147021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261828524722296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285424402806862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046419268796566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971842996875172,0.0,0.13010587152776093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389973544343868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595171147926812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419649796393445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799178077484471,0.0,0.2096639370800567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349918908724706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771011983551633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887722151378854,0.0,0.0
bpd,HXCxJakeTripper,2019/10/18,Im a guy with bpd Im sick of everyone telling me to change my behaviors and triggers like i can i just wanna know if anyone else with this disorder can. Ive heard bpd is worse in guys but not as common.,0.8369999999999997,2.344689088888892,3.219722222222224,92.01625,80.33333333333333,7.166666666666668,22.36111111111111,8.07648339933343,0.9757777777777776,159,5,38,3,4,55,37,45,0.146,0.8140000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.5442,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,6,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,7,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624646121232926,0.2143046328494497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5268483220252637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125889566410356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397104422241701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472266862483246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998571424953795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141938621069639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518478865409949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494644989822266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218286310689864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281121653430035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314742882653984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,viviplush,2019/10/18,"Today is not a good day I've been going through a really rough time lately after  breaking up with my FP last week after convincing myself they don't love me (still figuring out if I really just flipped on him and it wasn't justified) 

I was in a great mood this morning and I offered up a way for strangers to talk to me and it backfired quickly. I usually don't care much but for some reason today complete strangers actions and words towards me really hit me hard and turned my mood to absolute crap.

I had a rough day yesterday and had a huge fight with my mom whom I'm very close to but quickly got over and was able to move on, but for some reason today with complete strangers I feel more shitty than I have in a long time. I have a history of self harm and I haven't thought of doing it in months and right now I feel a strong urge to cut. 

I feel so horrible all I want to do is go back to how happy and energized I felt this morning. 

Rationally I know this will pass and I will probably feel fine tomorrow, which is why I haven't picked up the knife but my heart currently hurts so bad.

I just wanted to post this to vent and maybe someone can relate.",5.75764423076923,5.0134836041666695,6.360000000000002,82.34653846153847,67.125,10.051282051282053,31.378205128205124,9.466822959209583,2.4929358974358973,915,31,197,16,13,300,134,240,0.168,0.733,0.099,-0.961,1,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,10,17,3,0,10,0,20,3,2,4,1,43,37,20,0,3,8,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,17,0,0,10,0,0,5,6,6,0,0,9,8,28,9,33,25,5,45,0,1,0,1,9,14,1,3,23,133,37,0,0.1272912936107502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787914756402626,0.10628291320409028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978195735616607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669249990653285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418470766590776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25744921090010275,0.0,0.12221960380680502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446851511760035,0.10676589778617744,0.1018064757814869,0.1403391005835947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355039490206304,0.11402799651711687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084079581242216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626796251146242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995596601354936,0.1037593936354032,0.1435901236114148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264878922210432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148853622676133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278812135447262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490820246292493,0.10160269613032197,0.13529050031981768,0.09357374712786112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190987271559955,0.0,0.13724154384594778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446381865007087,0.26175330033372923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870606923576867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327925804356096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785350000052783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165499150641227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231192009581656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105506855146336,0.14844915390779112,0.0,0.3619717876880881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845637483338144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019337633373696,0.10502864825157343,0.15015940595063293,0.1010379039461964,0.10210539764207548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486059358951825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiltaser,2019/10/18,Tired of the roller coaster. Was doing so well today. Allowed myself to actually relax and it felt so nice. Went and picked up my FP from work (we live together) and I don't even know what happened... maybe I didn't get the attention I expected? Or he wasn't as happy as I was hoping he would be? Idk but I started spiraling pretty quick and haven't stopped. Managed to cook dinner but not without sobbing for a few mins to myself and also stabbing the meat unnecessarily out of anger. Can't help but think to myself that I wish I wasn't this way. That I hate the way I am.,1.5201282051282057,3.729159581196584,3.542414529914532,87.0310576923077,81.3931623931624,5.951282051282053,22.57051282051281,7.1686216300943375,0.8390461538461542,449,15,92,6,12,152,81,117,0.166,0.6920000000000001,0.142,-0.6036,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,6,8,2,0,5,0,12,3,0,2,0,24,22,14,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,2,1,4,3,0,1,8,3,1,0,7,1,14,5,13,13,1,10,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,2,5,66,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.208152988650769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057835660264026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088464008186374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480435987340465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144202979334833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886231656217504,0.22706504255533744,0.0,0.21059258257329813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429725252567989,0.0,0.0,0.2118580384311496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722576732762165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835048401857146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142915642343422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700586606615596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097698300839504,0.0,0.0,0.17833088475951034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667596928658193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451604556694001,0.202186332253962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33862003469363466,0.0,0.0,0.19178504128158472,0.1977340464691969,0.0,0.0,0.24528795850260984,0.20561650987782126,0.0,0.15528714679110284,0.0,0.0,0.15152435306066464,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImmediateWinter,2019/10/18,"I am scared of being ignored My fp that I have been chatting with everyday, has decided that it’s too tiring to chat everyday.

It started with me just being ignored all day and then a short message at night and then nothing more. But now she finally told me that yeah it’s just to much and she needs space and she have had a really good time the last few days not needing to worry about me. She says she still likes me but yeah we will probably not go back to talking daily.

and I understand that this is how it is for others? You don’t talk everyday? But I have never had an fp that I don’t talk with everyday. So really confused right now and no idea what to do

Now I’m just in the mindset that I don’t know what to write or if I should write anything. I see something funny and wanna share. But thinking about sharing it with my fp just hurts because I’m scared to be ignored again.

Being ignored hurts a lot, and I feel I don’t wanna write anything now and just let her write stuff if she wants. Because I don’t wanna write stuff and not get a reply until the day after. Sure really when you think about it. It’s a trivial thing I dunno.

But I had an experience a few years ago where my old fp, ignored me but I kept writing for months everyday. But just kept being ignored and I had a complete mental breakdown and started self harming and lose my shit. And in the end I never got an reply I just deleted the person because I couldn’t handle it anymore.

So I just have strong fears about talking with someone who doesn’t wanna talk. I can’t handle chasing after someone ever again.

Honestly this is just making me feel weird and I can’t trust my own feelings or thoughts because I have a tendency to overthink things and create issues where there aren’t any

So right now I’m just trying to be chill and see what happens.🤷🏼‍♂️I liked talking everyday but I don’t wanna write and share my daily life when the other person isn’t doing the same😔

Obviously as you can see here I’m a fucking talker I always write walls of text😁I think I’m handling this pretty well. I’m confused about the future but I’m not having a breakdown or freak out so yeah I guess it’s okay. Maybe just my mind overthinking things. It usually is.",1.0321494635590085,3.4183046644880197,2.7753467340814737,90.5898150203478,85.14379084967321,5.207070333374442,21.732272783327176,6.638412140308013,0.5682438525095574,1767,60,357,20,53,583,202,459,0.134,0.743,0.12300000000000001,-0.7433,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,3,0,2,39,31,2,5,21,4,41,4,1,2,6,105,74,43,0,12,29,0,3,2,0,2,2,1,0,3,30,25,0,8,11,2,0,1,19,19,1,0,10,7,49,12,36,54,7,53,0,3,3,1,38,11,2,10,43,259,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805727173340099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327052905877363,0.0,0.0,0.05988182125094176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732894311544867,0.0,0.0,0.14492691691122062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771044465831934,0.0,0.2147150688720159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232615335821284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036855916960372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799241954133636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965265325673149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613670272153101,0.0,0.09908867521932548,0.13357288795023853,0.0,0.0,0.09646220639721174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140733418712487,0.04600618007860656,0.0,0.05004485718050917,0.07385808513215637,0.07042727604213861,0.0,0.09700478060068893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885338106014614,0.09940570380168877,0.0,0.09190869399556856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839385796838111,0.07177825773293589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004431117000837,0.062197306513036926,0.08604046437930478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851332740764454,0.0,0.07486296451899728,0.0,0.0,0.058778772154388,0.0,0.08846515369266787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887408064917064,0.0,0.08891252960959722,0.0,0.07028630617127139,0.0,0.0647320719893689,0.13058639029031194,0.1358300683533876,0.0,0.0,0.08263558682819512,0.0,0.0844931251753067,0.0,0.09240107298307362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377605871744338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895856883696984,0.0949404054967344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923482478770435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040049833284774,0.0,0.07002650945255086,0.17632095996675584,0.0,0.2105102310749856,0.0,0.09186271940853527,0.0,0.09038930795258067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922092447147142,0.06779062782409474,0.0,0.0,0.12465448235085047,0.0,0.0703224828570801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160853531319411,0.0,0.0,0.08299273810957669,0.0,0.0,0.4246615817124437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550359615009406,0.16927022776980766,0.0,0.06990747055822705,0.05134678054726997,0.10120863818251154,0.0,0.08414229562071451,0.0,0.059784964367094476,0.0,0.0,0.09167050625364356,0.0,0.0,0.096982412351916,0.0,0.05193833620126087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791738732859137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942622008434425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670586037671802
bpd,DinosaursAreScary91,2019/10/18,"Spiraling bad. Everything fucking sucks. Ten years of school. Ten years of taking the same fucking classes over and over until I pass. I'm supposed to finally graduate in December. I'll just barely have a 2.0. But then what? My current job is a high stress, dead-end piece of crap where I'm extremely underpaid and constantly taken advantage of. Getting my degree (biology) was supposed to make things better, but I'm not qualified for any of the jobs in my field. 

I have no one. My mom is so fucking narcissistic. I hide in my room as soon as she comes home. Every night is a yelling match. Twenty-eight and still at home. My sort-of step-dad passed away from cancer eight years ago. He was the only one that could get my mom to see just a bit of reason. I didn't tell him that i loved him until a few hours before he died. I miss him ever single fucking day. 

I see my dad maybe once a month. It's sad to say that he's the better parent right now. He throws money at every situation because he thinks that's how you show love. His wife is a monster who beat the shit out of me for the few weeks I stayed with them a few years back. He helped by holding his hand over my mouth to stop me from screaming for help. He doesn't believe that I have BPD (neither does my mom) even though I was formally diagnosed right out of high school. Depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, inpatient stays, involuntary commitment...the list goes on.

My best friend has a perfect life a few hours away. Great boyfriend, a degree, steady job, a nice house, takes vacations every few months, probably gonna be engaged soon, thinking about babies in the next few years. I never have the time to see her. I was supposed to go visit her this past weekend, buy my mom decided at the last minute that she was gonna go out of town and I was left at home babysitting the dogs. I hate talking on the phone. I barely text her because I don't want to be a nuisance. I'm the worst friend, and I hate it because she deserves someone better. 

I go to class every day, and I talk to no one. I come home, and the only interaction I have is with my dogs. I'm a terrible owner. I should be taking them on walks every day, but I can never get the energy to do it. One of my dogs (basically my baby) is overweight. I feed her diet food and give her less than the recommended amount (with vet approval),  but I know she's not losing anything because I wont get up off my fat ass.

Did I mention I was fat? At least 250. I don't even know anymore. Too scared to weigh myself. I lost 50 pounds last year, but gained it back (and then some). I was a cheerleader in high school. Cheered my freshman year of college, too. Now, nothing fits. I am so ashamed of how bad I've let it get. Binge eating all the fucking time.

My love life is basically a dumpster fire. Dated for the first time last year. I lost my virginity to him. Of course, I would choose someone with almost more problems than me. Dead end job even with a degree, no friends, alcohiolic...gaslighting me all the time. Even with all that, i was getting better...healthier. And then eight months went up in flame. I broke up with him in a text. I helped motivate him to find a better job, get his car fixed, move out of his hoarder parent's house, tried to get him to at least cut down on the drinking. I had a few successes, but then Halloween night he drank way too much, got upset with me over nothing, and then threw a tantrum in front of his house. He told me that he loved me. He didn't remember any of it. It just got worse from there. So many arguments about sex and PDA because I was taking too long to get used to showing affection with him. I tried. I tried so fucking hard. I think some of the times we had sex were really him raping me. I've tried to block it out. 

Idk if I'm in love with him.  I shouldn't be. It's been almost a year since we last spoke. I deleted everything. Blocked him on Facebook. I try my best to not stalk him on the internet, but I still find myself searching for his screennames on Google to scratch the itch. 

Medication never helps. No insurance and no money equals no access to a therapist. My last therapist told my mom that she couldn't see me anymore because I was too difficult. BPD stigma in action.

I dont have the energy anymore to keep doing this. I can't cut because I can't go back to a hospital. Being inpatient fucked me up even more. I can't cry without being called a crybaby by my mom. I can't quit my job without being yelled at even more with a helping of ""I'm gonna kick you out of my house if you do anything I think is wrong.""

I'm just so fucking screwed in every way imaginable. The only thing I look forward to is going home to take a bunch of benadryl so I can sleep as many hours of the day as possible.

I'm tired of crying every single night. I'm tired of the night sweats and nightmares. I'm tired of seeing everyone else actually doing something with their lives, having fun. I just want to fall asleep one night and not wake up.",2.072967171451978,4.067601899308986,3.371608766881604,90.08411958370966,78.37808489634749,6.4429186532524,23.41233118397009,7.459000224883572,0.9340629980466696,3896,128,825,54,94,1267,404,1013,0.18100000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9958,10,0,2,0,1,1,146.0,2,3,3,19,39,59,18,4,53,0,64,46,12,7,8,102,145,44,3,10,20,10,4,0,3,7,12,5,6,0,24,37,10,5,14,4,4,20,29,37,0,10,29,15,129,22,129,99,31,145,0,7,6,19,85,55,13,6,68,517,153,18,0.0,0.0,0.036261321427186216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03293875515862375,0.0,0.07441771088980609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050538088376287225,0.0,0.028426139508317006,0.0,0.1105536977528108,0.0,0.0,0.061156534503757375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698232401481361,0.08571774450044882,0.062051566144070286,0.15856027400683634,0.0,0.03161913409522808,0.04186488828595996,0.07799107554514854,0.16431830275278625,0.04056744192871741,0.0,0.09359962275360556,0.0,0.03794296800704655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064017489609922,0.0,0.04015512176055184,0.0,0.029668026857945118,0.0,0.08163370243618669,0.0958565957635403,0.0,0.0320045488961905,0.03771508034786974,0.03856464112033335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251764084810318,0.0,0.04354946796999098,0.036401169161040636,0.0,0.03802240703584437,0.031041146352940908,0.0,0.065822777415918,0.0,0.0,0.14725697434206975,0.03361197727124198,0.21915338518287653,0.03550652504741979,0.06679130109786666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040705304297982386,0.06792436466992044,0.03160698857046592,0.044932187859693065,0.0,0.08612566058354651,0.274819366791531,0.17472397394462122,0.03564580496880286,0.10559011742346884,0.0,0.05943807029187177,0.0409673611681126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033286704112874245,0.07337262247705333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453274697610575,0.11777993942425467,0.18636495211274048,0.0,0.10978086889053587,0.17150361193494326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212443777684066,0.033028169018668715,0.0,0.0,0.04084266342912996,0.15144562477489718,0.0,0.0,0.040372802947410746,0.03799706873160795,0.052492274076808405,0.0,0.0,0.032811623249966185,0.032884090136117136,0.03120376900559565,0.04157084022132476,0.08112575225093863,0.0,0.1676849185072002,0.0,0.02480357744414289,0.0753457435754235,0.037330692872601705,0.0,0.0,0.03743326461755378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611174129488699,0.08897864523961768,0.039493589214754654,0.02731576216820111,0.0,0.08597674371618262,0.0,0.039518470616245034,0.17435360610729594,0.0,0.07130913753280664,0.0,0.0,0.03957257406852773,0.12589775636974485,0.08478210737224998,0.0,0.0,0.08252020091775157,0.0,0.035471978740514776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189060895336075,0.0,0.0,0.04006313187576145,0.03555565202034286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03952262299077899,0.0,0.0,0.02380467714796939,0.03820511157305674,0.0,0.0,0.04209332017344334,0.06346628674443966,0.0,0.02954991890247718,0.037202126084515036,0.11281911260682145,0.14805250909115913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03814265112642279,0.03073788298324933,0.04176769429949295,0.0371853206627558,0.0,0.06296852793544504,0.028606417344096857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921200236352248,0.05934962863901146,0.031066157515078376,0.04256491930743071,0.0,0.0,0.04064535179631568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969278238388966,0.05973316580964842,0.03247815393425072,0.0,0.0,0.08628773072841761,0.04937289295984343,0.09523862781500678,0.03650802309330914,0.0,0.10833705784687304,0.12812463767952792,0.0,0.07101305009483957,0.0,0.12614086168554392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032093000669639785,0.0,0.0,0.04383407468615292,0.0589893520112351,0.02980629550155205,0.0,0.0,0.034446288100851805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163890755299364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037867671007042594,0.026396321791937485,0.0406269703831549,0.0,0.21535961590465305
bpd,gg69420,2019/10/18,"Need help with my BPD GF We started dating 2 years ago. I took her virginity, atleast she says so(she was 18 when we met).
She always says how she hates every male and how ugly they are (all celebs are ugly etc.) 
and that she only likes how someone looks if she really loves him. 
I'm pretty sure she was a virgin. 
She told me about ex BF and how she broke up with him because he was even crazier and wanted othergirls etc.. and that she never loved him. 

She have always been very envyous with me having more active sex life in the past(im almost 30 d'oh) 
and she always said that my dick is the onlyone she ever wants.

Okey now the fun starts. I did study so many hours about BPD and other mental weaknesses. Then I did read about ""Fave person"" thing and my brain started flooding, earlier when I was reading gfs old messages(because I wanted she read mine too) I noticed a lot of messages with a few guys(not just the ex bf). She looked so obsessive with some; like spamming messages ""wake up"" ""wake up"" and calling him names like ""sex machine"". they lived in other countries so they didnt ever meet and she told that they were only some ""internet buddies"" she talked because bored and no irl friends. Okay, i get that, i have got internet friends too and we joke about a lot of things, so i forgot the messages for a while.. since I read about the first person thing. 

Am I only the newest and bestest first person with who she was ready to take the final step for sex realm
Or can I really be just the first one she wants to fuck? 

Extra question:
We have one mutual friend(male) and they are texting alot somedays. Should I read their convos? Please help me. I have stood so fucking much abuse so far because I am always the bad one, I love her more than anything. 

Sorry for bad language. Its almost 4.20 and im so tired.",2.6703910521955265,4.934577557746478,3.1406503728251884,91.142557995029,77.64788732394365,5.641259320629661,21.990472245236123,6.661559191721324,0.4705111847555927,1423,41,283,13,34,441,191,355,0.133,0.738,0.129,-0.4512,0,0,0,0,1,0,55.0,4,0,6,3,26,21,3,1,16,2,24,17,4,4,5,54,51,32,0,7,4,2,0,3,5,1,3,3,0,4,12,25,0,1,1,6,0,2,3,9,0,6,18,5,57,12,24,31,13,29,0,1,2,11,66,6,3,10,24,193,69,5,0.0,0.0908891843788974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799906945353201,0.0,0.15362860760826091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553165225339345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312605648318736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809982452619706,0.1870475941154441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322792308926914,0.08563408575035167,0.0783298125372174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110456652525036,0.05066644229865385,0.13877775076386453,0.06463175233751313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403240501215435,0.0,0.19574927473761009,0.0,0.0,0.17779860676424536,0.1418349078436591,0.040077975632323085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061352249811765174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573555873283637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028346198280695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554421220441107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657206163872065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054182766979708016,0.11243036138500404,0.0,0.06773661717065323,0.0,0.128834696126514,0.0,0.0,0.13043274023748144,0.2077021738976497,0.0,0.0,0.07777222341494375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773059592013628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056390910946899214,0.05687972962573633,0.05916372713733822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733520673715005,0.08049457583934877,0.0,0.15594269251894502,0.1750249631432432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732286795422191,0.0,0.20094147537077087,0.0,0.08420489470420912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804197239047128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859331133823386,0.0,0.383655390049452,0.0,0.09828518940126874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296907995812861,0.12200624936305213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345556866879001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499640444590346,0.0,0.0,0.0858709218751976,0.16288787607168856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072298567930053,0.0,0.05767661325229104,0.06165684876385196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288878228686842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816722727096185,0.0,0.1465999945126008,0.08522798706779118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329404701870954,0.18098293482318475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049398930459015306
bpd,nevillethrowaway22,2019/09/21,"DAE worry they'll never find another FP? I met my previous FP a year ago, in 3 days it would've been our 1 year mark in our relationship if we were still together. He is (thankfully) no longer in my life and since the B/U 5 months ago, I've completely split and can't stand him :/ This is all fine for me but obviously leaves me without an FP which should be fine (but my mind insists it isn't).

I know we are supposed to be forming normal relationships, but for some reason I have this worry that I'll never find someone I like as much as I liked him, someone to put up on that pedestal and basically worship, lmao. Rationally, I don't want that, but BPD is making that worry grow more and more and it's impacting my dating life! Just wondering if anyone else has the same weird worry of never having an FP again??",7.018915662650603,5.336345680722894,7.785632530120484,76.2014608433735,65.0843373493976,11.191566265060242,32.798192771084345,10.125756701596842,2.916207228915661,637,20,134,12,8,215,108,166,0.127,0.775,0.098,-0.6139,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,16,2,0,2,5,32,22,13,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,3,0,19,6,13,15,7,20,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,4,14,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063419500697335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364108990163943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096208028017187,0.13329276521339178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384403070771789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639708117514304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389740555452081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867365458602986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237800139859046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149416209382725,0.0,0.0,0.1377467196201235,0.0,0.0,0.18377308610311124,0.12711098402159407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683620691757246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135399967975328,0.0,0.1038367424574509,0.0,0.09563125243085577,0.0,0.3010007054123769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746075798913628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307765644595976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375437399455906,0.0,0.2793363420078209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761194319458392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204499787746725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389018770748483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976956178497908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767305600988203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540229355281146,0.1410772535351206,0.0,0.5284515798121027,0.0,0.09241233310595602,0.0,0.0,0.1675476245804519
bpd,Marzipannn_,2019/09/21,"Struggling.  Hi there,   
I'm not quite sure how this works (completely new to having a reddit account) but I really need to reach out right now.  I started going to therapy recently and was diagnosed with BPD.  Honestly it explains so much about the way I feel and react.  I am having trouble with my anger.  I fear it's going to ruin my relationship.  I just had a major surgery and it was my third in the last year but the recovery from this one has been the worst.  I have been getting completely angry with my partner and lashing out in ways that scares him and myself. He means the world to me and I don't want to lose him but I'm scared that we are going down that road because of my actions.  People who meet me wouldn't suspect that I act the way I do.  Does anyone else struggle with anger and lashing out?  I know I need help.  I am admitting I need it so bad.  I just am so scared I won't be able to be ok until it's too late.",1.244335969457321,3.252119580310879,3.1062939732751573,90.88432233433329,81.1761658031088,6.135696754840468,22.074993182437957,7.273561745256523,0.7285295336787563,721,23,156,10,19,241,113,193,0.263,0.66,0.077,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,10,16,2,6,8,1,19,1,0,2,1,35,35,15,0,5,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,12,15,0,0,6,0,1,5,4,13,0,2,5,1,27,3,21,26,3,25,0,2,0,0,12,9,0,0,8,111,39,1,0.1327731780864747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283809324822036,0.13604181135786386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086005776285272,0.08093729700543081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722316985447302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784203022164894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347619809043295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619070288613192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109149532091557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940673848804972,0.06713410822815086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936850553934859,0.0,0.2263741705968999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899506253288719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296866635774321,0.1082278611404932,0.14977392807411294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485392242151097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462891472710182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760356297123056,0.2953488875648707,0.0,0.1282331627579579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997054166825227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204820398296208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122061826850146,0.0,0.0,0.08505789773372645,0.0,0.13109749548483948,0.1425487042900875,0.0,0.11338756862552953,0.0,0.0,0.39878734119825743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397753882940403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776067077672475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513714904048276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183770043909253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831306046982807,0.316167506046922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666045496787257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550157354805175
bpd,laceframe,2019/09/21,"Can’t take this abandonment I haven’t been diagnosed with bpd only bipolar 2. I’ve known for most of my life that romantic relationships sort of cause me to spiral out of control. After a particularly difficult breakup (he cheated and choose her over me). 
I took a break from any kind of serious relationships. I went on many first days that led nowhere and ghosted by ones I thought went well. 
Anyway for the first time in 8 years I met someone I liked, I’ve been in love but I’ve never felt such an instant connection to someone so intensely. we hung out almost everyday for 2 weeks, texted all the time, and I was convinced I’d marry him. Then out of nowhere as I’m leaving his place after a great night out with his friends I sensed something was off, the way he hugged goodbye was different. I have bad anxiety so I kept trying to tell myself it was all in my head and friends reassured me that everything was probably fine. I had no reason to believe it wasn’t, we had been making future plans, he said he was on the same page in terms of having a relationship. A day later I confronted him about it and he said he was pulling away, that he isn’t ready for a relationship but we could be friends. We talked on the phone for a while and he agreed to meet in person but I backed out last minute thinking that if I didn’t come off too desperate or clingy he would want me again. 
That obviously didn’t work. 

At first I said I can’t be friends because it would hurt too much but then like a week later I was like I’m okay with being friends and he said he was down as long as it won’t hurt me. I guess he could sense that I probably wasn’t over it and was being distant again so I confronted him and he said I need more time. Which I can’t argue, I still kind of think we are meant to be together. 

Which brings me to my constant intrusive thoughts about stalking him, showing up at his place he lives pretty close by so I’ve walked in the area hoping to run into him. I know generally when he leaves for work and I’ve thought of trying to casually bump into him. I live in manhattan so it’s actually really common to bump into people all the time. I don’t think he would know. Im not sure what I think I’ll get out of this I just know I feel a rush thinking about it and there is part of me who wants him to see how much pain he’s caused me or maybe he will realize he made a mistake, it’s all irrational but I’m fighting the urge constantly to do something really stupid like this and I’m just wondering if anyone has advice on avoiding being impulsive and dramatic over a situation like this. 
I have this fantasy that I tell him I’m outside his apt and can he talk and I tell him how much I love him and need him...the thing is I don’t even do it’s just the abandonment that’s left me devastated. Because of my childhood anytime I feel abandoned I lose it. I self harm, abuse drugs and alcohol. I am a recovering heroin addict with 10 years clean but after this I’ve thought of using. I was already in a bad depressive episode before I met him so this crushed me. It’s all I think about and it’s been 3 weeks since he broke it off. Any advice is really appreciated. I know this post is long, so if you made it to the end thank you ♥️",2.3725493421052626,4.045244132440477,3.845692355889725,88.48921992481205,76.42559523809524,7.453884711779449,24.735902255639097,8.261097354062574,1.3749053571428576,2555,87,560,46,57,845,291,672,0.153,0.711,0.135,-0.953,1,1,4,0,3,0,45.0,5,2,0,8,28,47,6,1,24,1,54,11,1,11,8,116,107,45,1,14,15,0,3,5,5,5,7,5,1,2,37,38,1,6,23,3,0,10,15,22,1,4,40,9,80,25,80,54,14,90,0,8,1,3,75,37,0,11,45,350,117,2,0.0,0.07287627046010342,0.06002239862946891,0.06705219932474274,0.0,0.12020873653060905,0.0,0.06573275842444785,0.061590826427683175,0.0,0.06787500053857526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365435034087297,0.0,0.047053030885573416,0.0,0.0,0.04300743914926982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778827396276949,0.04729543241050185,0.10271230313989288,0.07498874123923631,0.0,0.052338309699864666,0.06929783345937651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746648008631006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637018828384572,0.0,0.05298322192064124,0.0,0.13293540502468826,0.06898583524330844,0.09821738781324676,0.0,0.0,0.07933443371246626,0.0,0.0529762765447166,0.062428767013578385,0.0,0.0642621940413908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132911466014479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447734430873453,0.0,0.0,0.040625090624811636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527893002365029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062200029609462915,0.0,0.05905679764223401,0.0,0.0,0.15695461660957882,0.0,0.0,0.2376025164146509,0.0,0.03213510399101729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781218074932929,0.06775739057019688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312438858481956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109077615458405,0.0,0.0,0.13168999467352044,0.0,0.06643860071569288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810108827686187,0.1352115438128807,0.050136781028132654,0.0,0.1302550171198173,0.0668280243775585,0.0,0.04344453091612025,0.15024716600792612,0.0,0.10862441041174396,0.10886431542109246,0.0,0.06881110353732449,0.0,0.0,0.11102575004608907,0.11639967272830833,0.04105670047846275,0.06235890030923155,0.06179250067355981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564515863161344,0.09121398961228093,0.04743833724279182,0.0,0.0,0.05772057518241186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041679039935456436,0.04677918734577954,0.06544826338218099,0.0,0.0,0.06660657447699443,0.0,0.042641521309709836,0.05370593287435022,0.1285243880827816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058907134856501675,0.06257518896261992,0.13263086821701262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182097423468414,0.06323990263636926,0.0,0.2641439310551853,0.0,0.0,0.29253835000240996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049013474242006895,0.0,0.06416568461122135,0.0,0.0,0.0508795982284125,0.06913695084477504,0.0,0.0,0.10423012554690043,0.0947028799618443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049119929010790535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797004370051339,0.0,0.04624594769245895,0.09887471687501302,0.16128066701363894,0.05662779616007774,0.0,0.0,0.0408628167161058,0.23646894233218,0.0,0.19532017935844653,0.14346195486529867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833704008641797,0.08351904217012897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053122688407177765,0.0,0.0,0.07255737520899119,0.048821750862309415,0.1480126989184074,0.0,0.055302584284705164,0.1140360447065646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670220577706366,0.08955631227919914,0.0,0.0,0.13107938320412868,0.0,0.0,0.07921756237933382
bpd,Segads01,2019/09/21,"Blocked by brothers. Well, this really happend

My mom died about 11 year ago, and left a property. 

A few years ago my brother start a business there, he ask and I say no thanks, they overlook me and give him the authorization anyway. 
I was in the most difficult situation back them,  I was involved in a car crash, big time and well not in a position to argue at the time.
 Couple of years later I ask for the division and they say.. That I'm crazy and they cannot give anything, bit rent, not my Legal rights about my moms property, I have 2 brothers and they use all. 

Now, I indeed got diagnosed with bdp but they say, I'm just crazy and they just can't give me anything, that's because my brother start a business on a properry that's not his, and is to late to recognize my rights, they told me that they rather go to court and argue that I can't manage it.

I have 11 dogs so is really hard to feed them and take care of them, use to be family dogs but I take care of them, because who else?

What can I do, just forget about it?",2.132582159624413,3.7276000281690163,3.594953051643192,90.36501173708922,76.88732394366197,7.174647887323943,23.10093896713615,7.984000788550335,1.013251643192488,798,24,178,13,18,263,111,213,0.12,0.815,0.065,-0.7562,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,12,0,14,8,2,0,11,0,12,2,0,2,1,27,31,14,1,1,9,6,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,10,12,1,1,0,0,1,2,7,3,2,0,4,4,33,5,20,26,4,24,0,0,0,0,34,9,0,1,13,117,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141600558294828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988127174295072,0.0,0.2258594137566935,0.0,0.0,0.09288610968745782,0.0,0.1472745271385962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187999343743906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24632296922186103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366055139218527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260730064048188,0.12536912302243233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009111243570555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387748608450905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476409875893729,0.06865221631343689,0.0,0.09661309596251784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082111691359145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626526490824767,0.0,0.13124724494857706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829540231351626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477242422979726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632145093255946,0.0,0.28818995669851616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578187305457842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100271574204975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164993746873326,0.0,0.0,0.11121445385740944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087642502065728,0.0,0.0,0.11542754651545345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086611586274912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722359424832666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333696135117467
bpd,Miss_Deadpool,2019/09/21,"Pushing bf away TW: Self loathing rant, self destructive behavior, anxiety, insecurity.


pity d*ck in my mouth


I failed. Again. In every relationship i am unable to function like a normal person.



He asked for space. Said everything is fine, but -surprise, surprise- i think its just a stupid excuse. He is going to dump me, because im a toxic influence. And i cant blame him. 



So i respected his boundary. I didn't contact him.  For once I want to follow through, although it is too late. 



It hurts. But i got myself to blame. I broke boundaries. Again. He gave me one final chance, but i honestly don't know if i can follow through. 



There are certain issues keeping me in a self destructive pattern.  I need therapy to figure out how to control them. I thought i was ready for dating. But boy, was  I wrong.



Maybe i'm not suitable for a relationship. Maybe i can't fight those demons out of my head. 



I feel lost, unloved and alone. 




End of my self loathing vent. 




Thanks for reading. Stay strong everyone. We all do the best we can. ❤❤❤",0.8450083752093818,3.4059409798995013,2.2954924623115573,90.41975460636516,93.9748743718593,5.2663986599665,23.71876046901173,6.88968998030894,1.1342943383584592,801,34,157,13,30,258,130,199,0.225,0.574,0.201,-0.7735,0,1,0,0,1,0,41.0,2,0,1,5,8,23,5,1,6,0,14,2,2,3,2,27,31,10,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,4,6,0,2,5,1,0,4,5,13,0,1,8,2,30,10,21,23,2,18,1,5,0,0,24,7,0,1,7,94,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630385538458886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067803011041104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230336004914339,0.0,0.12364792398179406,0.0,0.0,0.08022563697103324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811210364637186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760702694599695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116563622096693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088351121224996,0.12575492344974554,0.11827875222164973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654381594587103,0.0,0.0,0.14416765423129907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479457432629218,0.0,0.10525713188734168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506545646546828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408866655287618,0.0,0.142156781772775,0.1373621992663274,0.0,0.11697722773718093,0.0,0.0,0.07232707236422731,0.0,0.1484570059288388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429591641029768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436632105013776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26443130766811745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758398789451356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894568167091608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015581688297946,0.08917945472629399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491305502042265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316413533770062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28259062321541034,0.0,0.0,0.1251871951952099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491739516677432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027420706788807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116488267790886,0.15050263209464212,0.0,0.0,0.08432764354115048,0.0,0.10448025625831543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762447464636033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389021577598712,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ooffyy,2019/09/21,"My BPD girlfriend giving mixed signals for sex and accusations? My BPD girlfriend says she doesn't want sex but then is all up on me and starts being touchy and affectionate. After I escalate back she says no and I back off and its basically a back and forth. 

Eventually we had sex and she accused me of coercing her into it (which I never did). After we did it I took her for ice cream and she was very loving and kept hugging and kissing me until we got to her house which she kept doing until she left. Later the next morning the accusations were thrown and she told me to go away. I don't know what to do, one day I'm amazing and the next she doesn't wanna see me again. 

This had led me to be paranoid with other women and not wanting to have sex because I inherently think I'm doing something wrong by trying to be intimate with a woman. Are these usual behaviors among borderlines? How can this be avoided? ANYTHING at this point will be of help.",3.5945964912280712,5.197082600000004,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,73.0,7.382456140350878,25.824561403508767,8.021203637495839,1.5397614035087717,754,25,147,11,15,250,115,190,0.099,0.763,0.138,0.9234,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,0,22,7,0,2,2,33,38,18,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,11,19,0,3,2,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,11,4,28,5,25,21,1,28,0,0,2,7,24,9,0,0,16,116,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313676627388454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200404142449522,0.3732122301462212,0.0,0.09862374274271674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075296678919872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433911346952317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520065822187507,0.09194717717941782,0.0,0.12939569804651807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084422939405368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866802663246614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891380420898319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578185138992086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601892003267042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477996806078899,0.0,0.3441242332403997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963093510915252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529408373494413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573187430095234,0.0,0.0,0.12892314752021006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455139686308507,0.0,0.0,0.11451354265614914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366646045708336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459423804158562,0.17975110796379715,0.10984262961324508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818532321203148,0.13349106872694527,0.1908521142892356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688848801548118,0.0,0.0
bpd,RunawayNowPlease,2019/09/21,"I love my FP, but the sound of her eating makes me feel so disgusted in her and resentful? I don’t even know why because I rarely feel like this around other people. She’s perfect, but she eats so loud and it disgusts me and I find myself avoiding eating around her and this almost being a reason as to why we could never work in the long run.

I have issues with certain noises in general, but the sound of her eating almost always makes me go into an angry state of mind. 

What do I do? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I know I’m being irrational, but it just makes me feel disgusted and it doesn’t help that she eats way too much more than she should because she’s overweight.

I feel like a horrible partner. Am I just destined to never be with anybody?",3.1390430107526868,4.517543329032262,4.368790322580647,86.7465188172043,73.7741935483871,6.715053763440863,23.884408602150536,7.1686216300943375,0.9246021505376336,596,17,120,6,12,196,88,155,0.268,0.649,0.083,-0.99,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,2,8,11,4,1,6,0,12,7,0,4,4,41,26,12,0,3,6,0,5,2,1,1,1,3,0,1,8,11,6,1,9,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,0,8,27,5,16,21,2,13,0,1,0,1,14,6,0,2,5,88,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448567824066338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017323257305048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176793736542795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906036305684414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976167838264578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6255261103057873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075333253604686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30909836738537777,0.17468893463836793,0.0,0.0,0.11174585445606476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948468609719309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819500824850168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308847041075412,0.0,0.0,0.12761045013776742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438471880682049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194627179669751,0.0,0.0,0.10819860496679608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034682231650307,0.0,0.2448338208416401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234504314348688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987712136690808,0.0,0.18859299823861328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476153276721195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570637526216302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211368341681765,0.09704640707849213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064606424736224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900867118025972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,huntychuu,2019/09/21,"TW is this a sign I could have bpd? 10 hours ago I found myself on a suicide hotline with no hope of living, pills in hand  ready to kill myself, I managed to keep myself going(the suicide hotline was fuckin useless) and now 10 hours later I’m completely fine and eating dinner. This is not an uncommon occurrence for me. I’m not sure if this is the right sub for this but is this a symptom of bpd if not why am I like this?",1.7860227272727265,3.6257010113636414,3.315909090909092,90.88136363636366,78.6590909090909,5.763636363636365,23.5,6.6274283507984215,0.6439727272727276,331,11,70,3,8,109,58,88,0.159,0.76,0.081,-0.7969,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,5,0,8,6,1,0,1,15,13,5,3,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,8,4,9,10,0,8,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,3,6,46,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961466054138885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819814277649887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006202473285338,0.0,0.0,0.15277238864097442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579239201038207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979850997284694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900474855799032,0.3768700369546683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007508782366432,0.2116934734796012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934808752243036,0.0,0.16896000812884054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340648925771906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185979411983012,0.0,0.18033918928058984,0.19887938667979785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265794342920734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,proherodeku,2019/09/21,"Fp problems? I kinda wish reddit would let you add more than one flair to your post, but I'm sorta looking for advice or similar situations people have gone through and come out of.

So I met my fp about two years ago, and we spent forever talking to each other, getting close, having fun, etc etc. We eventually became qpps, and later on, partners. I was the happiest I'd ever been in years. Midway through our partnership, I was diagnosed with BPD, and my partner had been diagnosed years ago, at least before we met. 

Lately, he found a new person to attach to, and I felt replaced. We went back to being qpps, and this new person was his best friend. I was constantly feeling inadequate and replaced and the like, so our relationship was rocky. 

About a week ago, I totally lost control and blew up at him, wanting him to hate me, leave me for this best friend he had, and I was trying to make that happen, even though I really wanted him in my life. He did leave me and told me to talk to him when I can have a ""healthy conversation, that push and pull"" with him, but if he never told me what I was doing wrong when I was, I didn't know. I also didn't listen to what he wanted when he told me, apparently, and that was a mix of anxiety and bpd, I think.

I've downloaded a bunch of dating apps to try to get him out of my mind, but nothing is working, I'm having dreams where we can talk again, where this whole scenario didn't happen, where we're still qpps, etc. I don't know if he hates me, but I'm trying to take everything at face value like he told me to.


Oof, sorry for the long winded rant, but tl;dr, my fp of at least two years isn't talking to me anymore and I'm miserable.",7.229868421052632,5.251269318713451,7.7550219298245615,77.53411184210526,64.87719298245614,10.772222222222226,32.1937134502924,9.354420925462401,2.5572625730994147,1305,37,274,19,16,435,172,342,0.096,0.768,0.13699999999999998,0.9651,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,7,2,0,5,18,13,2,1,8,0,30,4,1,2,3,56,65,30,0,8,8,0,2,2,4,1,3,1,0,4,9,28,0,1,6,1,1,5,6,6,0,3,29,4,46,7,40,33,12,43,0,2,1,0,43,14,0,5,25,187,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377841733728977,0.22799444833786706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856156731281503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558638868169431,0.0,0.08502523752704137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592426788589804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295344547019786,0.0,0.17994539824554406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595831669586388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385237722403723,0.0,0.09264815655244917,0.09615813728985917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403671139607144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868487140083064,0.05662659628510521,0.07755144538803645,0.0,0.0,0.07705232420109437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043349761335245963,0.0,0.08231822714840882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940030682699422,0.13247598039936578,0.0,0.08958510773968993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162884816222605,0.0,0.0,0.16928944343523186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423449137983687,0.0,0.09671185344698703,0.1815601677463965,0.0,0.0876689751651697,0.06055656430906287,0.08377074838883722,0.0,0.0,0.07587202322989448,0.07199509176179268,0.0,0.09358895036851801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057228209636841276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656704958849726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612346040758396,0.16560514908248272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822642274272711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058095677613932986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594372634017686,0.14971950251519664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821096148347813,0.0,0.0,0.0820360011444742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492349066295717,0.0,0.0,0.09204639002015763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636877465767847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959723597128472,0.0,0.0,0.06846740147204186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644614096738426,0.2756394429734961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493498035108391,0.08423336527626188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276906105122066,0.0,0.1746235766006429,0.0,0.167499610196873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170466564905646,0.0,0.0687707622540255,0.0,0.0,0.07947641428281467,0.0,0.09571911468350297,0.09859003928074753,0.0,0.0,0.062415480953041336,0.0,0.0,0.060903079023676726,0.09373683224659017,0.0,0.22083992205570488
bpd,slakingoff,2019/09/21,"Tips for dealing with depressive episodes?      To be clear I’m not asking for anything clinical here. Just wondering if anyone out there has specific things they do or know of that can help with depressive episodes. 
     
     For a little backstory I’ve tried therapy but I can’t find a therapist that works with me. When I discuss with a new therapist about my BPD diagnosis dismiss it out right as BPD is considered rare in males. I’ve tried general techniques to fight off depression and anxiety when I’m sinking but I fixated on all the typical things until the guilt swallows me. 

TL;DR: I’m looking for suggestions or tips that people personally use that seems to help them through the rough times. 
Thanks  Also sorry if the flair is wrong. It’s my first time posting here.",4.5631581798483225,7.121682823943665,5.040422535211267,78.38047128927413,72.8732394366197,9.439653304442038,32.04983748645721,9.851270322608157,3.6802821235102936,619,30,107,18,13,197,98,142,0.149,0.778,0.073,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,2,2,8,7,1,1,7,0,7,2,0,1,2,23,17,12,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,7,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,2,9,1,21,16,1,15,0,3,1,0,11,7,0,6,7,69,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194970686679868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431158153405853,0.0,0.0,0.10448313943555447,0.0,0.12296604993128435,0.0,0.1396944838767854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376397255942032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405312786779948,0.386104901744104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657397178120093,0.12710290294472648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003161246071324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212141239370707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497655494816392,0.0,0.0,0.12548141416844336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443179513486906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359417126146707,0.1304742757073117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431101806270967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761021611338189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360331280064065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727178371681184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757270926050966,0.17088329877838984,0.3469935466848902,0.1985459009479701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426468223164027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290284427999228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905732984413004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620476830223525,0.10878495497866078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337544660529785,0.0,0.0
bpd,radica1,2019/09/21,What therapy methods have worked best (or the least) for you? My therapist hasn't outright diagnosed me with BPD or IES or rage but she thinks my episodes are uncontrollable anger. Sometimes I black out and every episode I slightly remember has to do with extreme far of abandonment. I also have a lot of other symptoms that seem to align with BPD.  Is it common for therapists to not tell you an official diagnosis? I've only seen her 3 times so far. I think she is better than my last therapist but she wants to do Tapas acupressure therapy... Not sure I care for it yet... What methods have you experienced? What works for you? I don't want to be like this... :(,3.258095238095237,5.647411555555558,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,76.30158730158729,8.326984126984128,27.96031746031746,9.075114841892004,2.5463936507936507,520,22,100,13,12,168,84,126,0.192,0.74,0.068,-0.9554,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,0,4,3,9,2,1,3,0,12,2,0,0,1,21,19,8,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,3,18,5,16,17,3,7,0,1,2,0,9,3,0,5,5,71,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262124387677308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091470358383758,0.1356115724577088,0.0,0.0,0.3862379239080096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563343589995316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563090859812087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919061304532564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249877766110002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491130797127668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303591892763952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661751109904045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369767223297508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958962801790112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516513697653453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451559760296698,0.15937286582909124,0.0,0.0,0.13402078319216873,0.0,0.3507018688833489,0.5340982099309834,0.0,0.19650063109735585,0.0,0.0,0.08941036101230722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808808786310644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325813751338905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,niccthegay,2019/09/21,"I don't know what i'm supposed to do context: have been in a relationship with my fp for 3 months and for the past month he's been depressed and distant for reasons he doesn't want to tell me. we keep fighting, he never reaches out to me anymore, i'm the one who texts first and he's always distant when replying. although we live in the same town, we haven't seen each other in over 2 weeks 'cause it takes a lot of planning and strategy to get him out of the house - from what he's told me, all he does all day is sleep. he didn't use to be like this at all but he's mentioned some identity-crisis issues. he's also implied that he's waiting for everyone to leave him so he doesn't depend on anyone anymore.  
everyone's telling me to leave him and i see why. he's become toxic even if he doesn't really intend that. i've been living on the edge for the past month not knowing at all what he's doing. but i dont know what i want.  
i can either keep trying to get him to talk to me or just give up without warning.  
even though i haven't heard an *i love you too* from him for a long time, he only answers in sentences of 2-5 words and he makes me miserable when he ignores me, i still love him and he's still my fp, which means that ripping the band-aid right off would mean months of handling withdrawal and i dont know if i can deal with that.  
on the other hand, maybe ripping off the band-aid would do me a favor and spare me of the torture, but what if he doesn't want me to give up? what if all he needs is a good push so he can at least see that someone cares about him?  
i really **really** don't know what the fuck to do or what i want. i love him and don't want to give him up and i'd do anything to help him but i also need what's left of my mental health.",1.3026889534883708,2.582872385012924,3.0609294250646,94.65751816860464,78.37984496124031,5.9744509043927625,21.39607558139535,6.4784943948869325,0.12366414728682207,1371,36,329,11,32,457,170,387,0.081,0.8059999999999999,0.114,0.9670000000000001,0,0,0,0,2,0,36.0,3,1,0,2,15,13,3,1,17,0,29,7,2,6,6,70,66,29,0,13,14,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,20,19,0,4,9,0,0,1,15,6,0,2,7,5,41,7,50,56,11,38,0,2,3,4,52,21,1,9,17,207,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408764784526139,0.0732903391334923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470510829713445,0.06158819168297144,0.0,0.07248305032351163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727839979964584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980431636761625,0.0904833155960045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680487384502082,0.09080750846250636,0.0758639235217404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708016214849878,0.0,0.20646024527351706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635316670936753,0.0,0.0,0.1683300901667039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492154229200097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142934420115931,0.09203723744079724,0.2534855870765939,0.0,0.07387805406378334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362584504575287,0.0,0.0,0.05903874991765359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016334970205085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193354325104326,0.0,0.1565806471213001,0.0,0.0,0.2420347108204759,0.0,0.0,0.186529845085655,0.09570012203875287,0.0,0.0,0.04303186352390149,0.0,0.15555404232901945,0.07794879744314581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488320513879126,0.23848926990926064,0.0,0.058794664108263686,0.0,0.08848907192182717,0.19189177656411266,0.0,0.0,0.08876479924881868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812212376193356,0.0,0.0,0.1306216967932419,0.06793339629197867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059685876478202116,0.06698947005484321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816631229915754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928058062660864,0.09056180332111886,0.0,0.09456589010831948,0.0,0.0752205809775079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140378097667615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814448008753173,0.0,0.07463063458675694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068299174338908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622585179178679,0.07079606616848774,0.1539731238948092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865390067163361,0.0,0.05136066312150918,0.0,0.0,0.08416504508335194,0.0,0.05980112836408453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607359054745243,0.0,0.0,0.25976189356885354,0.0,0.07065316026576751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947928429355916,0.0,0.0,0.08490681467515147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251402445429972,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wytchheaux,2019/09/21,"Seeking Resources Hey everyone! 

I just had a friend reach out to me asking if there were any resources I would recommend that I think are actually beneficial for someone to read in order to get a better understanding of BPD.

I have personally found that a lot of resources still speak from a position of believing a certain amount of stigma about BPD. For example, I found the book, I Hate You Don't Leave Me, to be really depressing and had to eventually stop reading it because it was making me feel more and more hopeless about overcoming this disorder. 

Does anyone have any links to articles or book suggestions I could offer my friend that you have found to be helpful? 

Thanks in advance 💕",7.17625,8.074339125000002,7.520312499999997,69.6434375,64.0,11.4,36.3125,11.20814326018867,4.452075,560,26,94,16,8,183,86,128,0.111,0.71,0.179,0.7626,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,2,5,8,1,0,6,0,13,0,0,1,1,19,24,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,7,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,2,13,5,19,13,4,7,0,2,0,0,11,3,0,3,2,67,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.14574654619555086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031297134871386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443077684076316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396244748237139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104392933911036,0.0,0.0,0.16826918144154104,0.0,0.13209019506375907,0.0,0.0,0.37620862132500255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924585968730025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863713401986604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117096366501725,0.0,0.13069942455227726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271276361118573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755171377338909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912720925301465,0.23077882207663086,0.0,0.07803054401804857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474547243515937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010786725717097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814278755377106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697419864549112,0.0,0.0,0.09969398807036836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304088874382909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987859374501056,0.0,0.09567906907594223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654593247570622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927314079678435,0.12486542087225233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375037635524436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569908460391884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548127362801872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060957676671126,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CorporalAIDS,2019/09/21,"I feel so isolated and angry I have some friends. But I don’t feel like any of them care. None of them can relate to me and I can’t even vent to any of them. Whenever I try to talk about my problems or emotions none of them pay attention to me and they never ever reach out to me. But I get it. It’s because I’m a terrible friend. Sometimes I get angry at them about meaningless things, like how (I perceive) they ignore me. Sometimes I get so attached to them that it’s a little creepy. Then they stop talking to me and I get even angrier. No wonder no one talks to me. 

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this",0.014910941475829276,2.1314099312977106,2.3182900763358774,93.99662086514,87.09160305343512,5.325394402035624,20.183715012722644,6.742157984588678,0.28567134860050913,475,15,107,6,15,161,71,131,0.22399999999999998,0.6659999999999999,0.111,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,9,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,2,22,16,12,0,2,4,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,6,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,0,2,27,5,17,16,3,7,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,4,6,80,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23819967010225826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224605507729786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676248964808642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785648473132522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700665939230544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135397370903765,0.15842233362453564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711005432416516,0.12511861096736854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706223444199452,0.0,0.3660094729405653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625125590900953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112714512063354,0.17553427065284266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507721039477932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867803075811878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675833980592394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464318894488904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464231970220021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223078329778439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163538945860382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890719497023652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992967307076813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,piditbeeny,2019/09/21,"FOR THE LOVE OF GOOOOOOOOOD So as you all know us bpd struggle with maintaining communication. That being said, this is what I'm dealing with. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh


I have a friend, let's call her A. A is a great friend, always had my back and has always supported me when I've asked for it. However, she is 100% Grade A mother hen material.


We don't just have a bad day, typically its days, weeks or months. When I feel normal I go to her house for coffee and spend the morning chit chatting.


When I'm in a mood I stay home and isolate. She knows why I do it, says she understands and doesn't take it personally. I always tell her when I'm feeling better i will stop over again.


I feel horrible about it because i feel like our friendship revolves around MY moods and how I am feeling and me me me me me.


I'm glad she's patient with me in the sense that she doesn't lose her cool with me but she lacks patience in another area.


EV. ER. Y. DAY. she's messaging me ""hey hun you wanna come over for coffee?"" Basically the same exact msg every day and this will go on for weeks. Everyday. In the beginning I always tell her when I'm feeling better I will contact you and she always responds with a quick ok.


The very next day there she is in my inbox like clockwork asking me to come over. I know I sound like I'm overreacting but let me make this a little more clear. I don't receive a msg until I log in. As soon as i log in BAM!


I swear she's sitting, watching and waiting for me to come online. It gets to the point where I just stop messaging back. I delete without opening because if I see it sitting there in my inbox it gives me anxiety.


Am i being rotten pos? Is she just too overbearing? I feel like one but i literally cannot even muster up enough energy to get out of bed most days let alone go to her house for coffee and chit chat. 


On my somewhat ok days when she msgs me I suggest her coming here for coffee. So I can stay comfy in my own setting but she always has some excuse as to why she cant. Mainly that she doesn't wanna get out of her pjs and leave the house.


SAME WOMAN!!!!!! SAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!!",0.98666282642089,3.2675942926267285,3.1620564516129046,88.49641801075269,84.18433179723502,5.552150537634408,20.331989247311828,6.9077264865688965,0.3777113671274965,1649,49,353,21,48,560,204,434,0.054000000000000006,0.816,0.13,0.9819,1,1,0,0,0,0,56.0,3,3,0,3,25,21,0,1,18,3,29,1,0,2,3,63,67,31,0,5,10,1,7,4,2,3,0,3,2,2,15,25,0,3,11,2,1,8,8,4,1,1,2,14,75,15,50,57,11,63,0,1,2,1,54,23,0,5,31,239,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034584860139779,0.0,0.0,0.38729912910670505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134571460047094,0.059345803109635574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905952396433132,0.14504709364350493,0.0,0.0,0.11930306579588637,0.06477312942816396,0.09457981747967678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722020381449535,0.0,0.0,0.09770487444217353,0.0,0.07921427065685656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26730111085622443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502129316658532,0.07997795562072606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801572524776966,0.0,0.05123854051812784,0.0,0.0653615393278019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745750325537391,0.11084132102586752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987080867788386,0.0,0.1215915437411255,0.07441843880151597,0.13226552238167402,0.0,0.0,0.08552835495276456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781554545163193,0.0,0.0,0.2685385642193317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790203159467464,0.0,0.0,0.08214230257380674,0.0,0.23798165336832294,0.0,0.15159981941857778,0.07775202383579677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678824988370443,0.0,0.0,0.07001581171633935,0.0,0.051782909986212634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192081481679303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250347802941778,0.0,0.07600848991470886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256783784711753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677367994833613,0.0,0.0,0.07333485872380019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379300756833325,0.06169193915969552,0.0,0.0,0.06181841928863216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537243457945425,0.0,0.12971483987288165,0.0,0.08109979182402917,0.0,0.0,0.08803288241284321,0.0,0.0,0.058327866552304215,0.0,0.13561054452593135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075986278268309,0.09331496666559212,0.0,0.0,0.06400872935991804,0.0,0.0,0.12445436312202585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000143335332071,0.0,0.0,0.0747809687872924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BellowBoo,2019/09/21,"What the hell is one supposed to do when this world doesn't make any sense, you feel out of place?! 
Parents' didn't say the actual word but meant that I am weird. I know that I think in a different way why can't just they respect that if it's causing no harm to anyone?!",5.290114942528739,3.9579351379310346,5.581034482758621,89.48408045977013,68.3103448275862,9.11264367816092,27.95402298850575,7.793537801064563,1.2675333333333336,210,5,51,2,3,67,50,58,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.9491,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,11,11,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,2,5,1,5,9,0,6,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.30370083855257396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116367966559447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176086866215199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31970341927495033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32515332048087625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735959893074306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103556412105395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773835515112488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108872632132652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455673046357696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32515332048087625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474905711272437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941393468033414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24702789317067686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808230311058445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zirkoss,2019/09/21,"My friend has borderline Hi, my friend is diagnosed with borderline I know nothing of this, so I am going to ask some stupid questions.  


I and this person has been friends for 5-7 years, i few years ago she started to call me 11 times a day at night, so i had to take a distance from her, she also started to borrow money from me, but when it was time to paid, it was her ""boyfriend"" who borrowed the money at not her. So she never paid me back.  


I started to be friends with her again after a couple of years, but now every time i am with her she ""laves me out"".  


A few examples, she calls me, ""i am alone in the city"", i drive 1 hour to get to her, she is happy 10 min later, she leaves me with her ""new friends"", then i am there alone lol. Then the next few days she is going to complain that her friends ""just left her"" and they are jerks.. and i am just sitting there thinking. what..  


Also she can call me to come over, then i come over 10 min after her friends get there, and now they have to do stuff, and they don't me to be a part of it..  


Like if i invited people over and 10 min later i had to do something, i would take them with me or drop it, because i made an agreement with this person 10 min ago.  


Is this her disease, is she even aware of it or does she not just like me/respect me ?  


Thanks",3.9871739130434816,3.4469384057971046,4.775905797101451,91.54581521739132,70.73913043478261,7.62463768115942,26.67028985507246,6.322622252153567,0.7617724637681159,984,26,238,5,16,319,127,276,0.054000000000000006,0.8109999999999999,0.134,0.9778,1,2,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,4,0,17,15,2,0,9,1,26,1,0,1,1,32,44,20,0,2,10,0,0,2,7,1,1,0,0,2,13,15,0,0,3,0,6,5,4,3,0,0,8,0,54,12,35,33,5,49,0,0,0,0,43,8,0,5,36,176,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108868217454407,0.0,0.0,0.21158040301723896,0.0,0.16336876572669867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549069137916254,0.0,0.0,0.07854229926525003,0.0,0.06226592987686354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31290080823172944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597572788885738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302020358831827,0.0,0.1317486386550102,0.0,0.0,0.10367383596332816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938675278179767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746503547821146,0.0,0.08606058106008263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524124804233956,0.0,0.10673186927124782,0.0,0.1161013834480942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873400494870172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059109590727154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561355769310486,0.0,0.0,0.10815556612982027,0.11097956869091093,0.0,0.0,0.0998046303831226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665096039775213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877961761782898,0.09865114620321062,0.10863112055975252,0.09585506377002066,0.0,0.09800975841856024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106118125784094,0.0,0.07081366967456021,0.17837610260224646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442446479504785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863530958639246,0.0,0.0,0.21689378293764572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169302461009024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535988943684834,0.0,0.0,0.09404031395955277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544964100827624,0.0,0.0,0.1786826637043192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256004521934216,0.0,0.0,0.19733183019000214
bpd,onetireddumbass,2019/09/21,"First Post– how to stop wanting to trigger myself? So I deleted my Reddit account for awhile because I always wanted to go on triggering subreddits. I recently joined again because I have a lot of subreddits that make me laugh/make me smile/keep me busy/etc.

Thing is... I know the content that these subreddits post will always trigger me, or in even worse cases, make me pass out from a panic attack... but I can't stop the impulse for wanting to view the content.

It's very distressing.

Does anyone have any tips/suggestions/advice? Anything and everything is appreciated.",4.512115384615381,7.248224442307695,5.031384615384617,77.51361538461539,73.80769230769229,7.621538461538463,30.592307692307692,8.548686976883017,2.8620530769230776,458,21,73,9,10,146,74,104,0.129,0.8270000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,2,5,0,6,0,0,6,0,17,13,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,1,13,0,11,12,1,11,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799798104754075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30313207841165585,0.0,0.0,0.12387040989094407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736573995427894,0.0,0.14989654812595868,0.0,0.0,0.20722554073140598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220777778241056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594034768608698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314894767388508,0.1203104586204274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370753445482844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493940334628958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352185091207347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190611737540495,0.0,0.0,0.10010662497432343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548601212671626,0.0,0.0,0.2431773265258175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137175116919055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489047926589795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798542918577165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045764324504984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101448006702012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502954515708351,0.3223159980727538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562965398820594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CertainLevel9,2019/09/21,"My crush kissed me and I'm TERRIFIED Not long ago I was free of all relationship-drama, aND NOW IT'S BACK. 

I've had this major crush on a guy for... almost a year now. And he visited me two days ago, I cooked for him, we took a small walk. Nothing out of he ordinary. Just normal friend things. But right before he went to leave he kissed me FULL ON. It was the absolute last thing I expected.

My first thoughts were just my stupid BPD mind thinking he was testing me, or that he doesn't like me, or whatever. And I'm already terrified I'll lose him. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet, but I like him so much.. I'm so overthinking it and it scares me constantly.",0.4466755319148916,2.6514342482269515,2.4085771276595764,93.49031250000004,85.95035460992908,6.645567375886525,20.160017730496453,7.865858978985527,0.7736273049645384,523,16,121,11,16,174,86,141,0.161,0.782,0.057,-0.8791,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,2,8,9,1,1,5,0,7,3,0,0,1,22,16,11,0,2,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,3,1,1,4,3,3,0,2,8,0,18,7,9,8,4,22,0,1,0,2,14,6,0,3,14,70,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30311841254722305,0.0,0.17120697398616194,0.0,0.18867539413784276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146938165988922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548730950680774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533728982365466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847634603233058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026486505068342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454314249998231,0.0,0.0,0.1320950219578989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929233709019806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393676146773583,0.0,0.18103805892086736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705970115479216,0.0,0.0,0.15130767923859967,0.0,0.1912775245369762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726362210228687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568645090060174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675194028472863,0.16405532377410492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36712677646781183,0.0,0.14601189385875085,0.0,0.0,0.1711760105658923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22717666263919925,0.21910801984954886,0.0,0.13573521742583616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995974762741585,0.0,0.0,0.16701793502636628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849573119858545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010242862587896
bpd,peachbuss,2019/09/21,"Relationships and dating lead to constant rejection My BPD thinking is best described as me feeling REJECTED all the time and feeling the whole universe being against me and playing tricks on me by pulling the rug from underneath me all the time when Im getting a bit better. I cant deal with this. Even trivial things make me upset and lose my grip on life.

Lately (always..) I find myself getting upset about someone mentioning their SO/girl or boyfriend. Fuck I mean I cannot understand how Im just not able to land a relationship tho thats the one thing that Ive always wanted. And I feel as every close friend that I have is just bathing in this love and happiness with their boyfriends. Im jealous and i admit it. I feel so left out.

I date guys when Im im a good state but the relationships never seem to last and I end up being a fwb to them. I feel rejected  worthless, ugly, stupid and used. And I get SUPER attached to anyone who gets close to me, so I end up getting hurt over and over again. Ive never been in a serious relationship. 

Right now Im feeling suicidal and depressed over not being good enough for anyone. Im losing my job as well. Not knowimg what to do. I feel just so naive and dumb.

And I dont know why I wrote this. Just to get my thoughts out of my head thats about to explode.",1.9233545401966483,4.075050323308272,3.305263157894739,89.58761133603242,79.6015037593985,6.047194910352805,24.51648351648352,7.1686216300943375,1.0156598033545403,1030,38,213,13,26,336,144,266,0.207,0.6579999999999999,0.135,-0.9783,1,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,6,17,26,5,2,11,0,13,4,1,4,4,54,39,26,1,1,9,0,8,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,12,20,0,0,15,2,0,2,8,16,1,1,3,8,33,10,33,33,6,35,0,8,0,2,15,17,2,2,15,142,45,2,0.08023212407977558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351910899165406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220033329276408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419866429303093,0.0709587937541559,0.08759269955716313,0.0,0.10104955161982516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670242314597243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271579694550253,0.06910381090462764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403145188381667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212369555717788,0.08290123157307007,0.0,0.052992561267508065,0.0,0.06759902492034793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839744084823063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333070788143274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198714003964565,0.07417330586852909,0.2515078402372852,0.0,0.0,0.13458979818154335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944241691555656,0.0,0.08540858799320619,0.0,0.0,0.08234130627420716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589014822765947,0.0,0.6066512333544186,0.0,0.07961800312933955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409347714293039,0.06539988956397003,0.09050533062732888,0.0,0.08717243756870291,0.0,0.05667032198334511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951844852547527,0.0,0.0,0.07241262445326165,0.0,0.05355556583590397,0.0,0.0,0.08739630397602252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375992048775945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436736370014758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445571009097837,0.0,0.06851779558325022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304031245438547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798041836971025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776092154259331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066053163248164,0.051409505479140014,0.0,0.06369534450411538,0.09356799352113523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352447070487418,0.0,0.06929479483776929,0.0,0.0,0.04732298552490753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213831503846288,0.0,0.07239701267339954,0.08957630128073553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wowakitty,2019/09/21,"Is this normal? Is it normal for some days to have no emotions at all and some days you're super emotional about literally everything? I feel like it's quite a mood disorder even though its actually a personality disorder. Like, I just watched a show and someone died and I'm still kind of crying. But most of the time I find death funny and such. I lack a lot of empathy skills. Is this a part of BPD? I have been diagnosed with BPD so I'm not just self diagnosing.",1.7091489361702124,4.070604170212771,3.8930212765957455,83.89400000000002,81.76595744680851,8.01531914893617,23.229787234042554,8.841846274778883,1.870297021276596,368,13,77,10,10,126,65,94,0.212,0.6579999999999999,0.13,-0.8587,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,0,1,19,9,7,2,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,4,9,8,7,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,6,52,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.15067893287724254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38894035625662376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960881023879235,0.1991594485586876,0.0,0.0,0.3134396561696096,0.1602500610043699,0.0,0.3539275381525493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473741256496167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019843498953826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877103176063274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807280532342238,0.11030837287772856,0.0,0.0,0.14112517666213573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079110234436975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087089592443725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127128741133534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30257210108234195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672077056893003,0.0,0.0,0.13482221369791855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423082288157692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108014849992486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308285277636108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233096086686217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170406771313324,0.0,0.09003594808427605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bluemonclers,2019/09/21,"Medication So I’ve been taking duloxetine for a while now and it doesn’t seem to be doing anything other than making me feel physically ill. I  tried fluoxetine when I was 14 and I’ve also tried sertraline but nothing seems to help.

What medications are you on? And do they work for you?

I’m contemplating just stopping my meds which I know isn’t the best idea but there’s no point in taking them if they’re not working right?",1.8262352941176483,4.445267682352942,3.689705882352944,83.74867647058825,83.94117647058823,6.6941176470588255,21.44117647058824,7.908726449838941,1.2022,343,11,68,7,10,115,69,85,0.11800000000000001,0.813,0.068,-0.302,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,2,3,6,1,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,1,0,15,16,10,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,9,1,7,13,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,4,46,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595404222552934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077166218446208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777992678085265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049285832436238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909659446906708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342653473989192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404782135594264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852152292890546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305084563363662,0.4181100758309136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912148463333265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961739175512085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722134466853684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778376778759247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734964022923276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31205912939888397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817855497433026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021547425935721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WithoutSpaceOrTime,2019/09/21,"Content warnings: Only support person no longer takes my pain seriously. My boyfriend doesn’t take my cutting or threats to kill myself seriously anymore. I’m sorry if this seems stupid and I’m sure it’ll just be used to fuel other’s assumptions that people with BPD are crazy and manipulative, but I tell my boyfriend how much pain I am experiencing and he doesn’t listen or seem to care anymore. I only “threaten” suicide or cut myself in front of him (non-suicidal intent) to demonstrate the level of pain. I feel like I’ve run out of words to communicate how much my heart hurts. But now it’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t take me seriously and I’m forced to cut and contemplate suicide and process my pain alone. He just goes to sleep and ignores me. I feel like he hates me, he’s cheated on me before and says he wants to see other women but not leave me, even though he barely has sex with me when I want to every day. Anyone have any advice? I feel so isolated, I’ve fully distanced myself from all friends and family (because they stopped caring, too) and the only person I talk to is my boyfriend. We live together. I’m trying to start an intensive outpatient program soon but I don’t feel like I have any reason to stay alive through this pain just for that, especially because my ONLY relationship with another human being is so miserable... what’s the point? I don’t have the financial resources to leave him, either, I don’t have anyone else to help me, and I do love him so it would hurt way too much to keep living without him.",5.257894736842103,6.081534263157895,5.980763157894738,79.25634210526319,68.21052631578948,8.58,29.673684210526318,8.697196308434329,2.2360123684210524,1232,44,234,19,20,403,164,304,0.256,0.627,0.11699999999999999,-0.9939,0,1,0,0,0,4,31.0,1,0,1,0,16,29,8,1,6,0,20,9,2,6,2,51,46,26,3,4,14,0,4,3,1,2,5,2,0,4,10,16,0,3,7,0,0,2,9,20,0,0,1,8,37,9,29,41,5,17,0,3,1,2,25,7,0,6,9,143,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310091616310522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880766542988557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566136297565655,0.08917272651015866,0.0,0.0,0.16867530707906653,0.11892505314614216,0.08713438137174116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036802029328674,0.0,0.07236348391998282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710595008149193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340959045765658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484430096400153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104070238621348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056168667063086375,0.0,0.07165056818773481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016892735031886,0.0,0.17199679807307433,0.18225956071090607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570233534295243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396021489384371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007737945974829,0.05700107666564306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182075937618684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558819828812485,0.09408508003399386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009192293176715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463996384811413,0.0,0.1501852241928282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675267050308443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754438788243213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25870953729290463,0.4524472018686057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895660481421264,0.14850874750243484,0.0,0.0,0.16078214649062034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743613815140118,0.0,0.09130202722004598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762788237325322,0.0,0.0,0.06776653230708232,0.15483595788941945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510224681468541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519624829344736,0.06019233812756464,0.09064221116933556,0.0,0.07109794287938144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790626004124468,0.0965033276289637,0.08014997712418767,0.0,0.1918203651244171,0.06835259894432892,0.0743294349204387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355218501893581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773714225534229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344797396750866,0.0,0.0,0.1003185713165202,0.06750145359545823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197632672582521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041056664565129,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MarvelSupreme57,2019/09/21,"A post about how BPD is just a part of my life that I wanted to vent about As a quick intro I’m 24 years old, male, black, who happens to have diabetes and a whole host of mental health issues including BPD.

For about a year or so I’ve been lurking this sub and other health support subs searching for answers and perspectives. Tonight I’ve just been crying because honestly having any type of illness or unwanted feelings is difficult to live with. I can barely manage my diabetes because of an eating disorder that my depression seems to cause randomly. All of my symptoms suck and I hide my struggles from others close to me. I am really venting to just get my pains out somehow. 

In my mind I just constantly worry about being abandoned or hurt. I’m craving safety and love but I’m so scared that I’m not receiving it from people close to me. They have their lives and I’m trying so hard to keep my emotions in check. BPD makes those attachments feel confusing. I think I love people but I don’t know how to express it and the fear that they’ll leave just keeps growing and growing. 

I’m thankful that some of the posts here are very supportive but I’m scared that no matter what I do I’ll 
ruin my connections with people. I keep running away and harming myself. I am an avid cutter and skin picker. I’m alone in my room drunk, crying, and extremely high and I don’t want the negative thoughts to stay in my head. This sucks and I’m sorry for complaining.",3.304083044982701,5.301565249134949,4.270649134948098,85.03377993079587,74.70934256055364,7.392166089965397,26.43889273356401,8.238735603445708,1.8148216193771625,1163,43,222,20,25,376,163,289,0.245,0.65,0.105,-0.9914,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,17,21,2,5,10,0,16,14,2,4,1,55,46,25,0,3,12,0,4,0,0,1,8,0,1,1,15,18,2,4,7,1,1,4,5,15,0,0,3,5,29,6,34,41,4,23,0,4,1,2,10,10,2,8,6,142,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061042699504437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966752187454944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625239629472414,0.0,0.0,0.12490156816332056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870855017557023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524136306936596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070888961209893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250665956269914,0.0,0.0,0.08823751281247973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741321986529896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482893037701847,0.0,0.11523916676083786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528143774107265,0.10360063537060656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352436666144946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059360724408194,0.0,0.09177245366500293,0.0,0.10514025163379404,0.21779289333582671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108240956076901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967170920810047,0.0,0.0,0.10692812636016548,0.0,0.2731789936871523,0.0,0.0,0.056302231431429726,0.0,0.0,0.10847665683240526,0.0,0.0,0.07236139652260341,0.0,0.0,0.18092528260954605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849249641759504,0.0,0.06838421593198589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324255255227203,0.0,0.10344233812696073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750096838744498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901090743637193,0.0,0.0,0.11094019535042844,0.0,0.21307170086217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623195157023252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563021749357982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051347817887608,0.0,0.0,0.0932639665114297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468110939959525,0.0,0.10919494750768767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709992307520264,0.0,0.0,0.2325114460210078,0.0,0.1064817338692872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431949950275766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564394696928483,0.0,0.08133153154945348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955483694057167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452956334910726,0.12085187450347087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437849705368625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403997429831588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319451107425367
bpd,txsg1rl,2019/09/21,"DAE gain weight while in medication? I just started taking Abilify for my bpd and I can’t stop eating. I get hungry all the time and I crave foods that I normally wouldn’t. It’s getting hard to maintain my weight, but I also don’t want to stop my medication. Anyone experience this and have advice ? Can you lose weight or maintain while fighting the cravings from the medicine ?",2.8912499999999994,5.656093402777778,3.817222222222224,83.72500000000005,80.25,6.377777777777778,25.66666666666667,7.645422480735847,1.6373000000000002,303,12,55,5,8,97,52,72,0.18100000000000002,0.768,0.051,-0.8515,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,3,0,5,7,0,0,1,12,10,8,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,10,0,5,9,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960162471459395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879652515298516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135776092568573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21859377717048806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759604850028726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697757857984203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209870432632826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135673011956752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547640401807733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417016258818587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34968853351530244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005275327706101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284724180137965,0.0,0.0,0.2902092343372285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304961368279582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120470995754474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237066851907092,0.0,0.0,0.6340509640872444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,person_27,2019/09/21,DAE have a hard time posting anything because no one will care? I almost never comment or post anything because I feel like no one will relate to me or just not care and be annoyed even though they probably won't even notice my post. Does anyone else feel this way?,6.438974358974358,6.463937769230771,6.1469230769230805,81.86474358974361,65.53846153846155,7.702564102564103,32.717948717948715,6.42735559955562,1.9381333333333333,212,8,39,1,3,66,41,52,0.14300000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.158,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,9,4,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,3,5,3,1,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768903167513206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240761110136054,0.18181694924948116,0.2920499775294221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163419065821775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618411264447017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155286370558078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823544480446188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23440610992005506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944657788359136,0.12676923765461956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895899378661124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669236958925303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368592158581807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202628348806564,0.0,0.0,0.24048738024244745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098398101719677,0.0,0.1913194862824601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434224176632326,0.0,0.10347164229143516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408503528621126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashlizzlemynizzle,2019/09/21,"HELP ME Ive has BPD for a LONGGG time and I never did shit about it....I’ve recently had a fling end (very short and intense) he was actually one of my brothers best friends since childhood and I ended up really liking him like really really liking him but I freaked out and I ended things (which he is currently back in nursing school and that’s almost over in December but he’s super stressed) and when I ended things he said nothing almost like he didn’t care and that really hurt me. I ended up apologizing for the way I acted because I mean at the end of the day I acted erratically and I didn’t think before I made the decision to do that, this guy that I was seeing he did end up telling my brother before it ended that we were seeing each other and he was fine with it but then my brother ended up asking me if we slept together and I told them the truth and he ended up freaking out and calling this guy and making things 10 times worse. Now he doesn’t even want to ever have a conversation with me or see me and he said he’s not mad at me or anything but he just wants to be cool and considering what just happened and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t hate him I don’t think I should hate him because he was really sweet to me and I know that he probably does like me but he stressed and he doesn’t want to deal with it and that make sense. But I just don’t know how to put myself in the mindset where I am OK right now and I don’t continue being really sad and deep in this hole. I just feel like there has to be a way where I can skip this step because there’s no reason for me to feel this intensely about this. 


NOTE: I’m working on my BPD and doing DBT therapy.



ANY Kind words and encouragement is very welcome that maybe what I need I don’t know what I need right now.",2.3675175438596483,3.6652266815789503,4.037894736842109,88.67359649122808,75.60526315789474,7.277192982456138,22.403508771929822,7.908726449838941,0.8644192982456143,1409,37,315,21,30,473,168,380,0.092,0.732,0.17600000000000002,0.9827,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,1,3,18,28,4,2,10,2,32,2,2,5,3,72,62,35,0,8,14,3,2,6,1,1,0,2,0,2,25,31,0,0,10,0,0,4,13,10,0,1,15,9,48,18,35,43,2,52,0,2,3,0,43,21,1,5,31,204,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.06878376484453988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411622666976418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047932615935514435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800363200304715,0.0,0.06589450860764129,0.0,0.0,0.05419906527273639,0.0,0.12890207808661142,0.0,0.11995608536006434,0.0,0.0739702745119528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775482576924177,0.0,0.07197366467025378,0.0,0.07186475314743729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045457372223990544,0.07266754476341727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168241181961508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6242930848896973,0.0,0.0,0.046555065177839104,0.06375824844738782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127926087046098,0.050354917144169994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445698935301239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395836249061045,0.0623301714400402,0.0,0.0,0.1391798481647462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724500291943015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545627826305254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339989182004532,0.11621110509893345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206614183462648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669516630242175,0.0940993527578482,0.0,0.07081224563723866,0.07677946735517918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045283386749409,0.0543628296774224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763282134067737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776285765526042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599538388063645,0.0,0.0,0.07085748277342632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709292299400641,0.0724709223732352,0.06959601331391171,0.0,0.0,0.1203886116437214,0.1340958677695784,0.0,0.0,0.07133517667578497,0.16850366013967866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235244173038326,0.058306405605882725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148200258769865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665364455513705,0.061607509458367224,0.0,0.08060641114638882,0.0,0.14048247521248838,0.09032863560830813,0.0,0.0,0.08220142474236213,0.0,0.0,0.06735199858098499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631598157044964,0.1662969007593776,0.11189635560359198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131434651740372,0.0,0.07183083448817751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChrisCube64,2019/09/21,"Loss of a FP I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet, let that be front and foremost, but I will be talking to my doctor about that, as well as a general therapist soon. 

So, I don’t want to ramble on the story, knowing my ADHD would, so to keep it short, I had been with a girl, off and on, for 7 whole years now. She was my second and most prominent FP (first was some other girl I had dated freshman year)
We had to stop talking after our first 2 years together, due to her parents apparently randomly not liking me, for no reason. But, I tried everything to stay with her, that idea of not having her, or, anyone, cause I tend to shut everyone out when I’m with someone, it scared the living shit out of me. But, I did keep in touch with her, as much as I could, and anytime I got to talk to her, I had this huge release off of me. It was great. At some point, she began to completely shadow me, and I found out she was talking to another guy, so I went into this extremely deep depression for forever it seemed like. I gained a ton of weight, my mental health went to shit, it was awful. 

Couple years pass, I’m in college, and we finally start talking again. I couldn’t be more happy. I skipped my own great grandmother’s funeral to meet with her. (That’s the extreme I went to, as well as completely just not going to work or school). 

Things were great. At least my overall view of it was. At times. Sometimes she would forget to tell me that she loved me and I would, get anxious as fuck, Stay up all night, pace back and fourth in my room, I’d get mad at myself and try to figure out what I did, and it would always happen at the worst times cause I’d be texting her I try to get her to answer and she wouldn’t answer till past 3pm the next day. But when she did, I felt great again. 

I’ve always been told that this is all normal, but I just recently have been told that it’s not, and, I’ve realized that it’s exhausting. 

Side note, she would always want to do what she wanted to do, anytime I requested to do absolutely anything I wanted to do, she’d get pissed and tell me to go fuck myself or something. I’d get upset, and eventually she’d go back to being nice. No apology usually. But I never cared. I just wanted her to be happy. 

Onto the story, I had been spending every single spare moment of my life with her, every dollar I had I spent for her, all of my energy was for her, and one day, I was with her, and she was talking about this guy she went to class with, and how great her was in all these things and everything, how he has a future and he’s in a rich family, he doesn’t have a job so he has all the time and money he could ever want. And, she told me she had been seeing him. 

Cuddling with him. 

Kissing him. 

Having sex. 

And. I was. Confused. About everything. I didn’t know what to say. 

She told me to stay with her, under the rule that she could stay with the other guy and have me there still too. 

I was on my break at work during this, I stayed over an extra hour. 

I said ok. 

She told me to tell my boss that she was sick and I had to stay over. 

Went back to work. 

Got pointed for being late. 

Went home. And just. Thought about everything. 

I woke up. Tried to text her. Nothing. 

Next day. Nothing. 

Next day. Nothing. 

Next day,”hey can you take me to the aquarium downtown today? I’m bored”. 

I said no. 

I had lost her. I couldn’t do it. It fucking ripped the soul out of me. I was going to take her at first too. I really was. But I asked her if it was going to end, if she was going to just be with me at any point, and she said probably not. I just. Couldn’t. Do it. 

And turned out, when her parents “didn’t like me for any reason” in the past? Was actually just her doing the same exact thing she did this time. She was talking to other guys, but keeping me there too, but on hold. 

This favorite person of mine, that I had been putting everything into for 7 whole years. All. For what I know is nothing. 

I’m alone now. I shut everyone I ever knew out of my life to be with only her. And I’m actually alone now. 

When I was in highschool, I decided to write in a journal a bunch, and I got really nervous about things, I felt depressed, and I remember, I wrote down that my biggest fear is being alone, being abandoned. And it’s happened.
I’m living a nightmare. 

I know I tagged this as a vent, but, I’d also like to ask for some advice. 

1. Do these factors I explained through this give any insight on if I do possibly have BPD. If so, how should I bring this up to my doctor. 

2. Should I put myself down for being so stupid for everything I’ve ever done in our relationship, including leaving her. 

3. What do I need to do going forward. 

4. I’d like everyone’s general thoughts on the situation. I’ve been told so many things, I’ve been told this is normal, it’s love. Ive been told it’s not normal, there’s no reason I should be like that towards someone. This entire thing has given me whiplash so, I need people’s opinions on this so I can ground myself on what is actually going on.",0.6953943465363821,2.7838274750479894,2.70148455766882,92.56624707729893,83.75047984644914,5.708476705636016,19.45353341476182,6.980632752743323,0.25183424184261005,3847,104,854,50,110,1289,351,1042,0.109,0.7829999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.3427,4,3,1,0,0,0,165.0,4,1,0,9,51,43,8,5,26,2,111,20,3,9,11,170,197,74,1,30,30,2,4,6,0,10,8,4,2,7,59,55,1,6,23,0,5,20,20,21,2,5,80,10,155,22,142,85,22,144,1,5,2,8,102,60,6,15,65,622,214,11,0.0,0.0,0.11500530144243383,0.0,0.047211220737045666,0.03838745284089491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205780282777047,0.0,0.03141505909955962,0.09806123892058607,0.0,0.0,0.08014253010208458,0.04119225144141689,0.0,0.04437925581496152,0.0,0.02746798759888585,0.0,0.032327033364840926,0.0,0.07344967564124645,0.0,0.0,0.09061992831705244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049476284950489294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005222074078425,0.08071010116649731,0.0,0.0,0.08237615768468166,0.0,0.0,0.09409420941405998,0.043466526289499034,0.0,0.12667327353619315,0.0,0.06766976764716894,0.039871999636877216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041680301444963,0.0,0.04020073409844727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034793585656168045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660272229509243,0.0661962090028351,0.11261141225786547,0.21183325411670104,0.0,0.03703305643376074,0.044204941058054316,0.0,0.0,0.07543678104788233,0.04303323400661408,0.0,0.10024376126317183,0.0,0.04307241011230789,0.0,0.10895109057023726,0.1026202274972185,0.03768438273664134,0.1786060784061586,0.0,0.0942559857450252,0.2165513893318625,0.0,0.15558765352100815,0.06947666765669369,0.0836361877718962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04175660106875655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940462666088705,0.0,0.03868640628775917,0.0,0.0,0.04434637225355742,0.0,0.0,0.03898288460335246,0.10475113384135697,0.0,0.0,0.08635689736810273,0.0,0.04431358136553518,0.04159563165946548,0.0,0.04017011489025353,0.05549429866314951,0.11515181673615718,0.0,0.06937622925583392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042882660390162974,0.0,0.07090991665042562,0.0,0.0,0.03982737717605332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03958860194393856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028877946147953963,0.05825654317196361,0.03029791321855287,0.0,0.16711410200136176,0.036864972076301024,0.11546868241161018,0.15077459093758436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026619565701345008,0.02987692741807078,0.0,0.0,0.08723951773878345,0.0,0.07500123082946089,0.02723428322405991,0.0343009006664907,0.0,0.0,0.11140702204688996,0.04428632604176081,0.0,0.0,0.04235433584838565,0.0,0.0,0.07898168203138932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033212549703212,0.12117016700354022,0.03878778908776859,0.042175855887178385,0.04450063028343215,0.0,0.11210302118443363,0.031239873941190488,0.0393297096029288,0.039757073080592224,0.031303921584008416,0.035762289430653495,0.0,0.0,0.08064804623692996,0.0,0.0441563819189012,0.0,0.0,0.06656968776996303,0.03024241368269051,0.03885245813111437,0.0,0.027805115129175342,0.2512263715476675,0.0313719121067327,0.03284282599255655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059072715922763926,0.2210225353430073,0.10300672276939993,0.0,0.0,0.045611255982181055,0.15658956194780954,0.0,0.0,0.06237353781759704,0.09162626920135626,0.0,0.037236233853967717,0.30029709935430793,0.0,0.1066838695806828,0.0427292468133814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326530566883837,0.0,0.13902281478776082,0.0,0.0,0.047836808803338966,0.07064129970846733,0.21849759416882808,0.0,0.08771741261456609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579672692958125,0.0,0.0,0.13952961563324262,0.0,0.0,0.12648666510328896
bpd,PrototypeDethMachine,2019/09/21,"Girlfriend has bpd, and I'm currently seeking opinions or advice from you fine folks... So basically the case is this. We've been together for almost a year now and although a lot of her defensive walls are coming down, she is still very defensive about a lot of things. 

I recently found out that she's been going on random car rides out of town with a single male friend that she hadn't told me about previously, and is now straight up not allowing me to meet (**major fucking alarm bells going off here for me**) but she is 100% adamant there's nothing going on between them. They apparently mostly talk about shared interests (like nature, climate, green tech etc) but she once mentioned he made comments about his recent sexual conquests. 

In our previous discussion about this she has alluded to the fact that if she wanted something to happen with him it could, but she doesn't. I asked her if that means that he either has done or continues to express any kind of interest and/or willingness to sleep with her, and she just rolled her eyes and absolitely refused to answer the question. 

While I'd like to believe she truly hasn't cheated on me yet, but I am just unsure. 

Now given what I've read here about BPD,  compulsive Sexuality, and self destructive behaviours, am I right to be worried about something happening here, either now or in the future?

Would it be out of line for me to give her an ultimatum along the lines of ""these secret drives stop, or we're done?"" 

I've also been wondering if her recent behaviour of occasionally withdrawing from me, a lot of the time, questions why I'm with her, suggesting we open the relationship (I'm 100% monogamous) etc etc etc. Is a sign she might be looking for an out to be with this dude guilt free.

I'm writing this last thing at night while tired so I apologise if this wall of text is littered with errors. Any help you can provide would be amazing, thanks.",5.961553554939978,7.0383050110803325,6.129435595567868,77.90842855493999,66.75623268698061,9.562373037857801,31.1081486611265,9.725611199111238,2.9117949215143133,1523,58,279,32,24,485,204,361,0.07200000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.132,0.9706,2,0,2,0,0,0,48.0,2,2,2,0,22,19,5,2,15,0,30,4,2,2,1,65,52,24,0,8,17,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,2,16,20,0,4,7,1,1,7,4,7,0,0,10,3,37,12,53,33,12,45,0,0,3,1,51,19,1,19,21,199,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980578563267684,0.0,0.0,0.1004829529566654,0.0,0.0,0.08024740178644636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647870368799248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381083151216946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305662455549707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527668851260115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643999284528879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011885642379649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537949338783293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447653399363436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100252267308776,0.07752778738019207,0.09276911764252044,0.0,0.09626191671190816,0.17108841443610562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747291343813698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726043038057741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449588334502358,0.0,0.08179613915984267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804888026026536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426614620551096,0.0,0.0,0.2559341083409075,0.0,0.0949506892285568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930722191948447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645223254195653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416879391115084,0.0,0.09628558345068523,0.0,0.0,0.1068662029766014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248230488799408,0.0,0.10037408295260042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972414553290851,0.10773504650555016,0.0,0.08569572792582822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104683730389492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041939699991607,0.0,0.0,0.1545039348228257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013718604378976,0.08389452475242917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065505937009126,0.0,0.0923859689441542,0.0,0.0,0.13333207972399513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058513100480665686,0.11533403170297694,0.0,0.09588578964159646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279672449073176,0.0591872178265431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054749423694296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088219625218402,0.0,0.1019071759831994,0.0,0.14256715661548708,0.0,0.0,0.06462013140260875
bpd,beanbug10,2019/09/21,"Does this sound like BPD? I think I might have BPD.
Obviously I will consult a doctor/therapist.. but wanted to post on here and see if you guys think it sounds like I might have bpd.

I’m so moody. I’ve been on and off of contraception, and I’m a girl so I always thought that was why. 
But I can be so happy and cheerful and then all of a sudden I crash and feel so depressed and hopeless.

I will be hanging out with a friend and loving their company, thinking “I absolutely adore you”, then the next day everything they do annoys me and I can’t stand to be around them.

I can’t stick to one job. I get so bored and miserable and motivation is so hard to find. 

I always want change. I can’t live in the same city for more than a year because I get too bored. 
I’m constantly searching for a place that will feel “right”. 

I get so annoyed at such little things. Always. 

I always feel so numb and like nothing makes me properly happy. 
For example, last night I was at the beach.. it was beautiful. Great views, great company. But I still felt like something was missing. It still wasn’t enough.

I fall hard and deep in love. But I’m clingy and unstable and constantly scared of being abandoned.
I always assume he’s fallen out of love or is mad at me. The idea of sex to me sounds great, but during the moment I can’t seem to properly enjoy it.

I had never even heard of BPD before this week when I met a friend with it. Now I’m wondering “maybe that’s what the fuck is wrong with me”",1.2483712321522975,3.3618942622950847,2.832670544685353,92.27756213643576,81.78688524590164,6.164992067689052,20.002644103648862,7.359569317364363,0.4436060285563195,1150,31,254,17,31,377,157,305,0.198,0.5660000000000001,0.23600000000000002,0.9681,1,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,2,3,1,17,32,4,2,13,0,27,6,0,2,3,52,56,33,0,3,7,0,6,4,2,5,1,4,0,2,12,21,0,1,14,1,0,3,6,15,0,1,11,12,34,17,30,36,4,37,0,5,2,5,16,15,1,7,21,162,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36353889760621055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778738858238672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053266490934275185,0.0,0.07435457784919929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402119561989509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243724162610503,0.0,0.0,0.18885508489871194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056353351506983874,0.0,0.07526090737536803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943789484619155,0.07646747854102327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028766762712566,0.0,0.05771415777115064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785321789991734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325469900635118,0.0,0.08389921804878718,0.0,0.07986441762599082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502029320572032,0.08078209044651083,0.13695849780557898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890127385598211,0.0,0.08652067524045459,0.0,0.18603685515662946,0.15655196785907538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864222475273142,0.0,0.0,0.08671190605101223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122696948835905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707592723665938,0.0875784619411209,0.07715879846521173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365936010087373,0.0,0.058327325614128685,0.0,0.08778570282793795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539432293782665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739341716961972,0.0,0.09293041330819816,0.08200090957297959,0.0,0.08384418121751358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059211454044508324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129428017472443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368659915993351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462267853899311,0.0,0.0,0.08748336914527538,0.0,0.06963114030785081,0.07954814818945573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726996631192825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956475119369058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145577947444727,0.058051884061190974,0.16797015878410532,0.0,0.06937055077298729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307885436973613,0.0,0.07009156267820953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884753089212321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476069022108323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553712707734463,0.0,0.05627033470067537
bpd,StyroYeet,2019/09/21,"I will literally kill myself if my ex gets a new girlfriend. He's been my fp for a year now. I've abused and mistreated him, but I've changed so much and he knows that and has forgiven me. I'm just friends with him now. I don't know if he's still into me or not. I just know that if he ever gets a new girlfriend then I won't be able to cope with it.",1.0200000000000031,1.6070489629629634,3.223148148148148,95.9991666666667,77.8888888888889,6.881481481481483,22.141975308641968,7.1686216300943375,0.2726938271604937,270,7,73,3,6,93,52,81,0.066,0.8340000000000001,0.1,0.5499,0,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,18,12,10,1,3,8,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,11,1,5,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,4,8,46,14,0,0.2556869179463749,0.3029471875322245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704828563118257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128345563480565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754307854654596,0.0,0.2671717230772359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828796915391064,0.0,0.4215565299382387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795930440442676,0.0,0.0,0.4938880372772836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419190295623146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465399213256945
bpd,LilithMinded,2019/09/21,"DAE get terrified when someone tries to get to know you? There is a high-ranking cop I work with who has started becoming friends with me. Last night while working together, he was like “I can read you like a book. You are an introvert who will socialize just enough to do your job well but nothing more.” Andddd he’s right. It exhausts me to talk to people. 

Our budding friendship is kinda the exception to his assessment because he goes out of his way to get to know me so I’m forced into socializing more than I’m used to. I also know that from being an officer he has years of practice dissecting people. 

After realizing he’s actually paying attention to what I’m doing/saying, I’m utterly terrified that he’ll figure out I’m dissociating during most of the time we spend together. Or that he’ll trigger me intensely and I won’t be able to subdue a panic attack at work because he’s pushing my boundaries.

I feel like I’m constantly holding it together just enough to function without coworkers knowing what’s going on in my head. I just hope this guy isn’t my undoing despite also somehow turning into my FP. Fuck me, right?",3.756110047846892,5.858226390909093,5.499425837320576,76.2578229665072,73.72727272727273,8.631578947368423,31.578947368421048,9.276330184999452,3.2415454545454536,906,44,158,22,19,309,136,220,0.126,0.794,0.079,-0.9406,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,4,0,3,11,10,2,1,7,0,13,3,1,2,0,31,35,8,0,2,7,0,1,3,2,4,1,0,0,1,10,8,0,1,8,2,2,2,3,4,1,0,1,1,23,6,29,28,5,21,0,0,0,1,24,9,1,5,12,101,33,7,0.13168480874837493,0.0,0.1285053775763815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106165879593289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981048058751228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605476743176083,0.14543552531259854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423044963716233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721312180106253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658379598896799,0.09407565368170798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017393565807027,0.12174048374713416,0.2063996324429379,0.0,0.07483951148930995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038866411702998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514660484407634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913223044035514,0.0,0.13079272797213254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067685338343746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894821081313629,0.10734069486722136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930036376935174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357727243676105,0.0,0.1263551255529976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545037499891503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825873314448069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172044452779974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491621431508266,0.0,0.10472104535791446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684721581199293,0.11157611111914174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320718541009076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058432611400438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678647096235734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940534112227895,0.14323525767348586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373339432465206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452527176114644,0.0,0.0,0.11840045777455095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693945645007476,0.0,0.287604327381959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480069937790592
bpd,Ollierising_2,2019/09/21,"My FP is with someone else and I'm conflicted I'm writing this from the party bathroom and I hate myself for it. I wish I could have told her but no I had to think of my image and how she ""sees"" me. I'm happy that she is happy but I'm also sad that I can never be with her. The  best part is I know I will be depressed tomorrow and I can't do anything to stop it. Fuck it, better enjoy being happy now.",-0.4329059829059823,1.1740156483516486,2.746739926739932,93.37881562881563,84.82417582417581,4.923565323565324,17.803418803418804,5.82211442006289,-0.3846420024420021,308,7,73,2,9,111,59,91,0.18,0.542,0.278,0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,2,0,2,0,13,1,0,1,1,17,24,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,16,6,7,17,2,4,0,2,1,1,6,0,1,0,4,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299012280803465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772170064861402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389040324126246,0.18025707577461186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272903492259175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755448510258866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702605910764255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842292137489786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6508919403717579,0.0,0.20122430289348767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201094085754257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719405717713048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071089092188587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624135102589109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726910898135298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039777722285884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059589424243728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947531793093991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234376243715398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MIKACA13,2019/09/21,"I have a way better understanding of why I eat the way I do. When I was a child I would eat quickly made unhealthy food. Have some ice cream for breakfast with some hot chocolate, McDonald's for lunch, soda for dinner with pizza. I was happy eating this way, I thought it would be maintainable forever. Looking back and fast-forwarding to now I see a pattern of unhealthy eating. But what I notice now is that instead when I am at home my food is fairly clean. I eat a decent breakfast that consists of almonds, oatmeal, yogurt with fruit. But this all changes once I get to work and clock on.

I work in retail surrounded by junk food, and within this past year of working there I have tried my best to stay away from the fast food that does my body wrong. Say I pick some chips up, a small bag eventually leads to 5. One chocolate bar leads to many more. Time and time again I learn this the hard way... I feel though now that I understand where this behaviour comes from. While I am at work I feel this sense of being trapped within a box. My work is unenjoyable, I socialize with customers and coworkers but still feel underappreciated and bored. 

So I have decided to find another job as soon as I can. What kind of jobs deal with the general public less and are available to someone with a high school diploma? I am going to graduate college this May and be in my trade by then but still, as of now I need to leave the retail world. My batteries are drained by the time I am finished work and the trapped feeling triggers my binge eating.

Besides that life is going good.",4.941988795518205,5.995543581699351,5.209197012138191,83.66852941176474,69.06535947712419,8.181512605042016,29.604108309990664,8.418075326091056,2.0311794584500467,1240,46,245,18,21,392,166,306,0.07400000000000001,0.877,0.049,-0.743,2,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,10,17,7,0,0,14,0,24,20,1,5,1,44,39,22,0,3,4,0,6,0,0,3,1,1,2,1,15,16,18,0,10,1,3,5,0,2,0,1,4,11,33,5,42,29,7,46,0,0,3,0,5,14,0,4,22,168,48,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674160750465383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772038058647107,0.06360838894953144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681201360545815,0.07316120535326054,0.0,0.091885893908773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750928863880261,0.07125798868854719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528312117670522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239089498358726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078737576835456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730764365281792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560673870247757,0.0,0.40011282588768615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04321901903449747,0.0,0.0940260474296106,0.06938359111154623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805949079055496,0.07410298653093654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740071546459106,0.08297727218302572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417835672188258,0.0,0.0,0.0861426086270815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759103542676862,0.0,0.0,0.05842924949405698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946594852092276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827389749011326,0.0,0.08386748958983814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133758201572305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417995551927208,0.0,0.0880966139888996,0.0560548122331764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896785316805766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578414116925481,0.0,0.08371944499307388,0.06591901108533145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432502888704765,0.0700903874659742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817102955474569,0.1321243676375803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127429902284204,0.06567231392711396,0.14470822063737654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616305262778663,0.0,0.0,0.17223378893482955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626446368937172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464406356049387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613371812460326,0.0,0.0,0.11752718272024255,0.09044391505049272,0.0,0.053270487895354976
bpd,mastermindxxxo,2019/10/27,"Dear he/she who wanders I was thinking of how I suppose to start talking.  I rarely do . So this is for the ones who feel that they will never speak because they think  That no one will take them seriously ! Anyway  this is not for them ""people"" . This is for us . The ones who are taking life as individuals . Never complaining. and demanding so much from the self . 
I was always seen as the one who knows what he wants from life . And he surly knows how to get there . But below that . The real me was fighting to get his life together . To understand myself . And my thoughts . Trying to find the patterns . And to link the dots . I really don't know how I survived these 20 years . With such a vulnerable . Naif perception of life that I used to have . Thank God ! I got thick before something really bad happened . Or maybe it already did . When all my  social life got Down . When I failed to go to med-school .and when got emotionally distant from my family members . When I started questioning my worth . And when I started looking for people to validate me . Maybe that's what it takes to open up my eyes to the ultimate truth . That we are on this Earth to chase our dreams . And to learn how to be a strong independent individuals without feeling ashamed of it . Talking as gay man . Who is living in a small City in Morocco.  Being hiding for so long . From myself . From people !",1.3598275862068938,4.043102827586207,2.699568965517244,88.62107758620691,89.6896551724138,5.658620689655173,21.04310344827585,7.1686216300943375,0.8797287356321841,1062,36,206,18,36,342,150,261,0.085,0.8170000000000001,0.098,0.5458,0,0,1,0,2,0,39.0,3,0,4,3,15,10,1,1,11,0,17,7,1,6,4,40,44,24,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,21,10,0,0,14,1,1,1,6,6,0,4,9,7,28,4,39,31,2,22,0,1,3,1,24,9,0,2,12,150,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221190284547661,0.0,0.09208022175442124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092398722432912,0.06745894771652265,0.0,0.09416579713881054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448062966270965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432293389928256,0.0,0.11190876059659677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114369237669316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563337451306875,0.0,0.06289215604207285,0.0,0.2655211834345326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978586498856211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245195840087536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908216475176634,0.0,0.0,0.09771718129427506,0.09793299688492407,0.09292878714824368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235108915415708,0.0,0.12292129969840715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134980898831813,0.0,0.17069977486944962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999516065390031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301587232201417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396753735735007,0.0,0.0,0.1259583665483148,0.14178670374207766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199654866279096,0.0,0.0,0.11544531863987174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280667474588252,0.0,0.08519354402241247,0.0,0.0,0.23498286128809795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496137086126452,0.1778929542203744,0.0,0.10188333548038872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181636473024228,0.0,0.08785381344972593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513270133598203,0.0,0.0,0.11520376135682894,0.13311358861135214,0.09557703198105914,0.0,0.0,0.06527172079147306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066748826132353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126314311276571
bpd,stonerrex,2019/10/27,"I wish I could Bea part person again. Now I'm just a lonely, sad, loser. FML.",-2.8043137254901964,-1.3072941764705879,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,108.41176470588236,2.266666666666667,5.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.620474509803922,57,0,14,0,3,20,15,17,0.435,0.435,0.13,-0.743,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045571220323236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487045558589007,0.0,0.0,0.4424291487169424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5826776928613381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thesheep81,2019/10/27,"dozens of FP, a healing relationship and cluelessness Hi,

I'm a male in the end of his thirties and in the last 20 years there were dozens of FPs, from which 3-4 lead to to relationships that lasted for 2-3 month. They all went the same way, idealization, hate, end. Suicial tendencies, sometimes with a stay in a psychiatric hospital.

Five years ago, I met a woman who became my gf. She was no FP, which was her luck. After some trials to break down the beginning of the relationship it is the best what happened in my life, I'm able to trust, accept and give love etc.

Some month ago I had more contact with an ex-FP which was a FP multiple times between 2007 and 2014. The last time I saw her was 2014 and the relationship tended to be a friendship. Somehow she was becoming a FP again, not as intense as she was 2007 as a 16yr old girl, but still in an annoying way. And the most confusing part is: it co-existed along with the relationship with my gf. Maybe an issue is that she says she's ""unreachable"" for me (in a sexual/relationship way). Fortunately I'm able to seperate between the ""FP-feelings"" and the usual ""friendship feelings"" most of the time, but as you can imagine, it's difficult for my gf that in some situations I appear delusional related to a person I haven't seen since 5 years.

Sometimes  the person also collides with it's FP-role, but in the end, I have no clue how to get out. I thought several times that her relevance is back to normal, but then... And for adding more confusion, my gf sometimes fears that the person might like to trigger all the FP-emotions for fun.

Today, I'm close to hate the person again and block all communictions, just the be able to shut the whole sh\*t off.",7.277000877963125,6.23470773432836,7.558577699736611,75.96964881474979,64.19402985074626,11.225636523266024,34.33274802458297,10.46071229359064,3.3084802458296743,1341,49,269,28,17,439,168,335,0.106,0.816,0.078,-0.8857,0,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,1,1,3,9,15,3,3,34,0,18,3,0,3,3,48,37,20,0,2,6,0,1,1,4,1,2,1,0,7,14,17,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,7,0,3,13,4,24,8,47,21,15,48,0,0,2,1,34,13,0,11,28,181,38,1,0.2555762947234545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103530978741705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681280901843915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550746495305056,0.0,0.0,0.09408797930412204,0.0,0.0,0.08940385116930696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958296439783552,0.22636473806172114,0.0,0.09501170905302946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586479533444683,0.08615136921373935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450935515681573,0.08172402342101649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533509112342521,0.0,0.0,0.16821911927712288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891841696177097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832879151327247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017369841738743,0.041620555981528265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688919478422376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558691327951051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037535343821118,0.0,0.0,0.13599904007212074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347016828118711,0.0,0.0,0.08939477625065717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225474048579836,0.0,0.0,0.2975458166870412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487865875495107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774817588181085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962428220458214,0.0,0.07047178401593261,0.0957594878320476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25277149055043097,0.0,0.0,0.0908034415557138,0.06803451970250313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676330099537577,0.1987047903244861,0.0,0.08075214788202538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382706036364594,0.0,0.0,0.20286456665416705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897392857265688,0.0,0.09511393530102276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645827544039335
bpd,Stealthmonkey64,2019/10/27,"messed up an entire marriage... my constant worrying and questioning if things will ever last completely pushed my wife away.

i’ve been on a business trip since june and before i left i found out she spent the night with another man, we worked things out as cheating didn’t necessarily occur just “cuddling”. without fail and without my intentions, i have manipulated, questioned whether my wife was cheating,yelled at, and obsessively tried to contact my wife (we are on a 13 hour time difference). the past 6 days i have not heard from her after we had an argument regarding me feeling as if i don’t hold her attraction anymore and if she was even working on helping us find an apartment for when i come back. today i checked her location and saw that she spent the night at another mans house again.
i’m sorry if this entire post is messy and sounds it aswell, i just really need some support as i know the marriage has failed all thanks to me and this fucked up bpd....",6.1159836065573785,7.127924491803281,6.026352459016392,79.01854508196723,66.37704918032786,9.378688524590164,33.2827868852459,9.516144504307137,3.0444721311475407,774,33,143,15,12,243,123,183,0.155,0.765,0.08,-0.9124,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,4,0,0,4,8,9,2,1,9,0,12,2,0,2,2,38,25,17,0,5,10,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,6,15,0,1,6,0,3,3,5,6,0,0,10,4,26,3,21,14,2,31,0,2,1,2,22,12,1,7,15,97,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960932942603655,0.0,0.0,0.14001934584710138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264962560085666,0.10856391741213073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013954925771947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778198045279146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161990779354533,0.1480316506373616,0.1525727495943542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105379177784917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751013303100158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325253536476924,0.1277115238787375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138827719074199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904215736086153,0.0,0.0,0.15480401477963066,0.0,0.13052490129153022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463452126472316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904053650877018,0.16291058581712164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759256088548212,0.11508606809226805,0.0,0.0,0.1533998475026129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468820698317348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649884539671789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477875530462444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521790578082246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31632300714763883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044786533905076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679116182063375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580470389408999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021708263844567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998581622415956,0.0,0.0,0.18759644359269206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232714569875019,0.0,0.13382855709344796,0.0,0.0,0.09585655458015016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983031017377898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721980316352496,0.0,0.20557131195305628,0.14338202652052634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somthinghappy,2019/10/27,"Anyone having a successful relationship? If you are.. how? What are some coping mechanisms you use to help when you feel an episode come on. I also suffer from body dysmorphic and so a lot of my anger comes from not loving myself and not feeling loved or feeling ugly, seen as ugly. 

I need help to stop my thoughts.",2.323714285714285,5.050730800000004,3.4861904761904756,85.33500000000002,82.66666666666666,6.095238095238094,21.904761904761905,7.447530270364453,1.1249761904761908,248,8,45,4,7,80,47,60,0.32299999999999995,0.56,0.11699999999999999,-0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,4,5,1,0,3,0,3,3,1,2,0,18,14,9,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,4,8,3,7,12,2,5,0,1,1,2,8,1,0,4,2,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289674525064987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866068561636316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26793159349267404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155646889034076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658913381082426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32335796089943064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506938708108452,0.4354055831794921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885526702038385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589708745418599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166361039525826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914949832921284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083292850207089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,perksofbeinginfinite,2019/10/27,"Identity: How Do I Find Mine? [TRIGGERS: verbal/physical abuse, neglect] **I posted this on the r/CPTSD subreddit as well**

I'm in my 20s and was abused by my primary caregivers for over two decades. We have an ok relationship--meaning I do love them and we talk, but they have minimal power over me (aside from that occasional residual feeling the need to make a parent proud of your success.) They primarily verbally abused me, gaslighted me, made me feel worthless. You know, the whole shebang that is caregiver abuse. They also neglected my emotional needs and just who I was/am as a person. There was the occasional physical abuse thrown in there when they really lost control. SOOOO...

Naturally, I found solace in men and given the complete and utter lack of a healthy representation of a relationship, I repeated (and still do to some degree) patterns I was taught by them. Including forsaking my own wants, needs, emotions, interests, etc. so that the men in my life would love/care about/be attracted to me. 

AND NOW! I'm left so confused about who I am. I know I love music. And I know that there are things I used to love before I shut out the entire world like animals, photography, soccer, pouring my love into people, working in a group toward a common cause. But my world has become so SMALL. 

How do I explore who I am and what I want/believe in? Are there books or worksheets or anything that you've found effective? How do I learn to be alone with myself enough to discover these things? And finally, how in the hell do I let the world (well, parts of it) back in? I've shaken so much of the residual from my trauma and the hell I lived. I'm ready to break out of the prison and be free.",2.728699690402479,5.3141005232198175,3.9701083591331323,83.51943498452012,79.37151702786377,7.515170278637773,25.28947368421053,8.4952907291091,2.0174247678018573,1331,51,251,30,34,434,178,323,0.175,0.6809999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.938,2,1,0,0,5,0,63.0,2,2,6,7,21,21,2,1,19,1,21,5,0,11,0,54,45,28,0,6,5,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,14,18,0,3,11,2,1,1,0,8,2,1,9,2,44,14,37,32,8,31,2,4,0,4,24,21,2,4,8,180,58,5,0.0,0.5471800183136176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566104492197977,0.0,0.07386330025922479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600754034394593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102206358569503,0.0,0.0,0.10200856426937233,0.07859479383142708,0.10406237734724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488306893710363,0.0,0.0,0.09684169063603933,0.0,0.1035938594373567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077936941355663,0.0,0.09543649937823932,0.10301005613003156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340382850531832,0.0,0.0,0.10118003198665244,0.08441884305378157,0.0,0.0,0.2025442862247212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228219258334885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035354271537307,0.09444824688004316,0.06523928590808807,0.04512428889609206,0.0,0.08155893064113813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082600227727648,0.0,0.4168096937449668,0.08739686410001347,0.0616535560282295,0.0,0.0,0.10061125934801604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789802306072848,0.20545976979089434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255907322644604,0.10002099836347038,0.0,0.06403343163380218,0.08064851054589811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845899200406909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059170617608743925,0.0,0.0,0.19832831746148905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376185275672742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423852654485387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227248137584402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022601499778027,0.0,0.0,0.07977267067041091,0.0,0.0,0.10895712869219593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660923035201788,0.0,0.0,0.10312088806483943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724194896864198,0.0,0.0,0.06561259593311984,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justanotherkatietoo,2019/10/27,DAE feel like their spouse was just a FP? and 10 years later it hits you...mostly bc at this point you hate them...? I think the tag is pretty clear 😕,-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,0.4362500000000011,106.18375,91.5,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.5008375000000003,112,0,29,0,4,35,31,32,0.102,0.66,0.23800000000000002,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324059100452812,0.32836424511790474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537956605845864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245550657582591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345048453554439,0.0,0.0,0.4676153316461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945163643019364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959906899069543
bpd,DepressingEspresso,2019/10/27,"My thoughts and feelings Blerghed out my feelings on paper today, made me feel a little bit better.

Putting this out there for no real reason other than I felt like it.

​

""It's pleasant in the darkness here, my own little world.

I've lived here, secluded, for a long time, in my own litttle world.

In the beginning I filled it with all the doodads and ways to escape that I could find.

Anything that would stick, with me, in my own little world.

​

Everything I wanted, was to be a part of the big world, the other world.

But noone sent me an invite, so I stayed here, where I've always been.

Busy with all my doodads and my escapes from reality.

​

One day, an invitation came, to the other world.

I was careful at first;

Why was I to be invited now, after all these years?

​

But the inviter insisted, so I accepted wholeheartedly.

What a magnificent world it was.

Warm, welcoming and full of love.

Here I lived, for what seemed like the blink of an eye.

​

Until my own little world, with all my doodads and escapes, called me back.

It told me:

The world you're living in right now, the big world, is mischevious, false and filled with lies.

It's only a matter of time before you will realize it for yourself.

​

I moved back.

To the place where I have lived, for what seems like an eternity, in my own little world.

​

The feeling isn't what it used to be.

All my old doodads and my old escapes from this reality, no longer offer any comfort.

​

Here I stand, empty, in my own little world.

Wishing that I can somehow, someway, someday find my way back.

To that big, magnificent world.

​

But the wish is cancerous, because I know I am poison.

The poison which ruins the feeling of warmth, welcoming and love in the big world.

No matter where I go, it turns into my own, empty, little world.

​

So where do I go, if not to nothing.""",4.286492501671603,6.1561662880886425,4.660395453242909,83.82160664819945,71.7146814404432,6.973770178622601,27.960741236030184,7.6298220110432995,1.6921411978221417,1494,56,275,18,29,471,160,361,0.065,0.768,0.16699999999999998,0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,109.0,0,1,0,2,19,18,2,0,25,0,18,6,1,3,5,53,43,16,0,6,5,0,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,24,17,0,0,15,0,0,8,5,3,0,2,11,8,38,15,41,26,15,77,0,1,1,2,9,46,0,4,22,197,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035680153486175765,0.4646118926320899,0.5210470895662257,0.029160326815048463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352871386770163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989177677189198,0.0,0.026139659122029268,0.0,0.03648829282819932,0.0,0.0,0.03792446896122458,0.04681458688678662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378595957885691,0.04904406424130791,0.04371970207262095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03423672667212474,0.0,0.0,0.02765448545491833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853838225764687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840877873815913,0.0,0.041172168880171486,0.0,0.07838431314346136,0.03647427696480664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048740147186926826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02356609543128812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284798979572462,0.3008438834610019,0.1514576729024348,0.037948044581544334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740295975134706,0.04057472784250103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455753672369562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041145160455486204,0.0,0.08999210210912538,0.0,0.02905705252393889,0.032612682677874365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643558815209738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480117465411567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043106918215032375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880759152924249,0.0,0.04408847169607051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036619858856272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780739050382252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570508997879907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034042463066522366,0.05000812835616343,0.0,0.04064586233402533,0.040974318883627285,0.0,0.0,0.046641856703997175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037035132038803764,0.0,0.0,0.025292130837366783,0.06807336163758247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038693136040759135,0.0,0.09862131116724714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03046119847023112,0.0,0.5210470895662257,0.02761374631516571
bpd,DumperDuckling,2019/10/27,"Can BPD manifest itself without much of identity problems and self-damaging behavior? I'm not talking  about diognisis but rather about hallmarks of BPD. 

It seems like those two (distorted self-image and self-damaging behavior) are always mentioned when BPD mentioned. 

The question is it still a BPD in case the subject has a very mild history of disturbed identity and suicidal thoughts while all other symptoms are vividly present?",10.858333333333334,11.628054833333335,9.457777777777778,59.315,56.22222222222222,13.311111111111117,51.33333333333334,12.602617957971056,7.325016666666666,356,24,46,11,4,110,54,72,0.154,0.804,0.042,-0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,8,6,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,7,2,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,5,33,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221527918921148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7395786231964492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172107991192145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791792307272743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404717209025517,0.0,0.0,0.16445421724305587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364496144942498,0.4594461562118695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723796353220292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605798850278833,0.0,0.0,0.1525856957443989,0.0,0.11799559450404735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654607674462696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340629825083948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112877735844207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151393738736992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tinky428,2019/10/27,"I have split on my roommate's girlfriend who is also my boyfriend's roommate and I need help as to how to be around her and not want to scream/rip my hair out I [23F] have BPD and don't know what to do. My best friend is also my roommate. She's one of my FPs. We have lived together for 5 years now and I HATE her girlfriend. My roommate has been dating this girl for about 4 months now and I absolutely detest her, to the point where being in her presence makes my skin crawl. I have completely split on her and think she's the fucking devil. She doesn't like me either and actively talks to my boyfriend about it. To complicate matters more, she's my boyfriend's roommate. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now.  

Does ANYONE have anything?? TIPS TRICKS ADVICE in how to be around someone you literally cannot avoid but also cannot tolerate??? She's not abusive or anything, she's just selfish and rude and intolerable. She's weird about certain things and sets certain rules that are such crap. My boyfriend and my roommate say when she's being a b***h to just ignore her, but I can't. She says nasty things and purposely is inflammatory. 


TLDR; I have split on my roommate's girlfriend who is also my boyfriend's roommate and I need help as to how to be around her and not want to scream/rip my hair out",2.7672727272727258,4.850669969696972,3.2712121212121232,91.2018181818182,76.57575757575758,5.915151515151516,25.01515151515152,6.816661863887847,0.8146924242424243,1048,37,218,10,24,326,119,264,0.109,0.7859999999999999,0.105,-0.2515,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,1,0,1,21,15,5,1,3,0,26,5,4,4,2,45,35,28,0,4,9,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,8,21,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,2,5,45,5,31,28,3,22,1,0,0,1,30,12,2,1,10,153,53,0,0.0,0.1720237702083421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187581183437034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644264397586261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151866695090407,0.0,0.23895433342988445,0.3877436997863728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523656108181354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285891806870053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222661810553534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705479891267354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217171358134764,0.13422375699128802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334286792304793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463260817723105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979140327685877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093141236954961,0.0,0.12820346388277545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691396615152448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317749911245728,0.0,0.0,0.2153097886291978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838299275051976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724937470639456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309182896494815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230171292566527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669643265041743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291261060581472,0.09303046277464264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712710208833352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349616590676033
bpd,Mirandoll,2019/10/27,"I have everything Ive ever wanted, so why do I still want to self harm? I’ve just graduated high school, got my acceptance into my number one preference before all my peers, am doing everything I love and basically have the world at my feet. Why is it that I still allow myself to fall into feeling like shit and wanting to self harm? It almost feels like I’m just trying to feel sorry for myself and am choosing not to make any improvements in myself. To be frank, I’m really stuck and don’t know why I’m not grateful and happier now than I was before all these good things began happening.",7.203418079096045,6.164332788135598,8.080000000000002,72.16146892655367,64.33898305084746,11.256497175141243,30.683615819209038,10.504223727775694,3.0433514124293786,471,13,88,10,6,160,77,118,0.146,0.6759999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.3206,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,1,0,11,3,2,2,3,27,27,6,0,4,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,3,13,5,12,22,2,12,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,7,58,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642811357665293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623247791347618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658572235186174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130663615566685,0.0,0.0,0.2807943729830772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369630477595032,0.22320198966606025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102686647844816,0.12494048928972942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814160632825453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650511553501026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585242299545284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263883998344452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409913589853742,0.0,0.10427562963566456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058562446867736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007619680943973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580992906971606,0.0,0.0,0.3259354544259325,0.0,0.16035384295423225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487141918616206,0.0,0.0,0.2495091649143213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378320449773834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606065036115517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764213598434786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228828859762808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,undercovermascot,2019/10/27,"Different sides in BPD? So I have bpd traits, the self-harm, affective instability but i think the pdoc doesn't want to label me as someone with full-blown bpd.

So i posted this to DID, please let me know if its not allowed here:

So I am not diagnosed with did,but I think I heard the pdoc mention to someone else that I had ddnos/pdnos or ednos. I wasnt sure cause I couldn't hear the consonant properly. But I suffer from amnesia sometimes,where some parts of my life I forgot to tell the therapist,until one day I chance upon that memory. I also have dissociative episodes where nothing is real. When I was young,I watched a girl with split personality on tv. My mum was berating me for being stupid and slower than other kids at learning. I wasn't popular in school so I imagined myself as a sexier,confident version of myself,like the pussycat dolls or black eyed peas. I would go on the internet and talk to guys. that was when I was 11. People have told me different things about my personality,some say I've changed and become more negative. But I think if I didn't have this mask of confidence,which I call my lawyer persona,I would be crying and threatening suicide all day. There is the depressed side which is very vulnerable n I don't like to let that side out but it comes out. Then there is a sexual side which seeks approval from guys. There is the introvert goody two shoes which is the core. Then happy lucky go girl etc. Whenever my mum criticises me,she expects me not to use my primitive defense mechanisms,regulate my emotions and act like everything is fine. I can't. I have to put on a mask of competence and confidence. If I telll myself I'm the stupid and naive 11 year old that she raised I think I might get very very depressed. These sides of myself help me. I'm not defined by who she thinks I am.

​

TLDR; probably those different sides are applicable in BPD too?",3.350234604105569,5.473267161290324,4.47625610948192,83.04802052785926,74.96774193548387,8.272531769305962,26.05767350928641,9.0124134603493,2.154826881720431,1512,55,295,35,33,494,202,372,0.16899999999999998,0.752,0.079,-0.9896,5,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,0,2,14,13,3,0,15,0,35,4,2,4,2,51,53,27,1,8,13,2,0,2,0,3,2,3,0,6,17,13,0,2,8,1,0,5,12,6,0,2,12,6,46,7,34,33,6,31,0,3,3,0,20,17,0,8,10,190,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469943144239542,0.0,0.10120900253163448,0.1135025965613146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316329931690947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705832758704317,0.0,0.09538140035032963,0.0,0.0,0.09595714351019763,0.09881471723857464,0.08046389260815144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260579579198403,0.12048261927011054,0.0,0.16090668978411646,0.0948085341462202,0.0,0.292778700086728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780315342509099,0.10507295744142753,0.0,0.0,0.10417612804677777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395030969575062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880253526971052,0.0,0.10617338381262964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497990439302794,0.0,0.09943600065768536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527913750305876,0.0,0.06261032502174481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133534138900439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103479855110028,0.0659777934094331,0.09127019001183878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909256959894344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962880018229204,0.0,0.09801741017208417,0.0,0.06329659978776983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115323420197274,0.0,0.06475828888722228,0.08156145018313385,0.0,0.10253542697326667,0.0,0.0,0.08946034614593477,0.0,0.10071108881151286,0.0,0.0,0.09390220663617256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632030158895904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742828722474613,0.0,0.09453525920553288,0.0,0.0,0.09744633430218816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829089520266826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217467888501493,0.0,0.08803721634359042,0.0,0.0,0.07507890528258893,0.0816438978223078,0.0,0.0,0.10845546648327786,0.06205702818216832,0.2992647309098281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925664644811136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124737180702254,0.0,0.0,0.08067569581656936,0.0,0.23121751385332445,0.0550952606797884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271065859399,0.0,0.1135025965613146,0.06015256529243844
bpd,omgwhatatard,2019/10/27,Work in Mental health (Support worker) about 2 years ago I found out about bpd and suspected I experience it . Lately I have become convinced I have bpd but am yet to be diagnosed. Am due to go before hr for an abusive text message to colleague (was drunk) Terrified of losing my job but also think maybe its for the best . Given my company works with mental health clients I cant decide whether to disclose my suspicions of having bpd or not .,5.251071428571429,6.655196250000002,5.884285714285718,77.81071428571428,68.64285714285714,8.457142857142857,30.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.6349666666666667,351,14,61,6,6,114,65,84,0.2,0.721,0.079,-0.9144,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,0,12,13,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,8,3,13,9,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,42,10,4,0.0,0.185049981685824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844580785951835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248985882411187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249060928816048,0.13289927146764688,0.0,0.1639032411468333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5901168088349749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852131454580554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527758417610011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124536350928446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876175822841471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33202805741711244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498641072406633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617995671830125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472756727217906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690568474169528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147891893226995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723333981921907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007503853578784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274045288334067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057600625649896
bpd,tiapkaw7,2019/10/27,"Today, I woke up and actually felt pretty good I've felt depressed for some time and even thought of suicide plenty of times.

But today, I was motivated and was actually quite productive. My head finally felt clear. At some points, I almost felt manic - euphoric, laughing a lot to myself, a bit dizzy, like as if I was slightly drunk, I impulse bought something I didn't really need... I felt great. It lasted 4 hours.

But then it just went away and I don't know why. I feel so empty again. And I feel cold. I don't want to do anything. Why is my brain so messed up? Why can't I feel good, or at least normal all the time? I hate this.",0.6876744186046508,3.001971875968998,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488376,86.05426356589146,5.300465116279073,19.452713178294577,6.742157984588678,0.2088889922480619,488,14,105,6,15,162,83,129,0.156,0.64,0.204,0.8293,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,3,0,9,3,2,1,2,30,25,13,1,4,5,0,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,11,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,13,9,16,5,11,12,6,17,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,6,11,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.23653951768824155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136023142926905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973393553825037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138675791313541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231458162567536,0.0,0.0,0.13529475566681792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438588917582754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004877813826779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838409328012915,0.0,0.5818355626181061,0.1327642328938838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330681583632826,0.0,0.13361895637372115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965590365407686,0.1243820038115534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193535920034747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660612140148392,0.09879087035529566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059210216507561225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303645777704303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986525697890171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187462930107207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456934128921566,0.0,0.0,0.12329984601116616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890680499310336,0.0,0.0,0.07764122527376294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330255896697864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325686920907594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621604200091216,0.2120109891388284,0.0,0.22975916812199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148450798596237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123498545121547,0.3280814665351713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,broman8613,2019/10/27,"Help I'm not in control
Im just sitting here watching me ruin everything
I can't do anything to stop it 
Please help 
I can't stop 
I don't know what anything is our what I'm supposed to think
I don't know what this is
I don't know what is happening
I don't know what I'm doing with anything
I want everything to stop 
Help",1.235114155251139,2.467662123287674,3.3796575342465762,92.50227168949776,78.45205479452055,6.510502283105023,25.865296803652967,7.1686216300943375,0.998718721461188,257,10,61,3,6,88,33,73,0.151,0.68,0.16899999999999998,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,0,13,21,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,5,21,0,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532865342165143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593439939415334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300339327174002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236585200786924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692100458687234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983304730125931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036293533021006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154881101384373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605189285396484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764997225589087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829802547566604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,naomilikesanimals,2019/10/27,"Going sober, who's done it? \*trigger warning: non detailed mention of sexual abuse.

I'm currently supporting a huge hangover from last night, regretting my decisions. I don't drink every day but when I do i'm ALWAYS going overboard, and very easily get triggered. Last night I went out without my partner and some guy ended up chatting me up. I was so drunk I don't remember the conversation, but nothing happened (I wouldn't do that) but he must have said something that triggered old memories about a non violent sexual assault that happened to me a few years back, and I ran out crying and self harming. Luckily some nice strangers helped me call my partner and waited with me. 

It's hurting my relationship with my partner, and my relationship with myself. I'd love to hear some success stories for people with BPD that have/have had to go sober. What helped you?! I struggle with so much social anxiety it seems impossible to be sober. 

Thanks for reading :)",4.9598305084745755,7.2708122146892675,5.478666666666669,76.80037288135595,70.92090395480227,8.335819209039547,33.268926553672316,9.029198982220553,3.285361129943503,770,38,127,16,15,247,110,177,0.18600000000000005,0.654,0.16,-0.6739,1,0,2,0,1,0,26.0,0,1,0,1,5,11,2,1,4,0,11,3,0,3,1,30,28,12,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,5,9,13,2,1,3,4,0,5,4,6,0,0,6,2,20,5,19,19,5,21,0,2,0,1,20,5,0,4,11,81,29,2,0.0,0.16751886570913496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764417995375888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815962881145724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871683115243604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807026611827434,0.0,0.1443705479052624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530548830627444,0.09118204227029296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468659937228567,0.0,0.13850410266259622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522571294920046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191235009353626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386816224311861,0.0,0.24105815501269395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999401377310666,0.2500537118140274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935189364471858,0.0,0.1895356305257814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513562535079739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304963367393524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276060615808329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393471459429984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26536169377465585,0.0,0.13566333627816213,0.0,0.1483604472027415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801900175208778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142390253246018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30359053389361523,0.16016237041506762,0.0,0.13449012211911726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287121780119071,0.14749605922007886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412485646682904,0.0,0.10884557435799116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780697068280546,0.0,0.0,0.16044275055787094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016890299754874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665796139740325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106590621742964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629071311500165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104771766067277
bpd,Heisenberggg03,2019/10/27,"Being friends after the relationship is over I would apprecaite some honest feedback. Me (M) and my ex (F) broke up. We are in the same class in the university. 

What would you want if you were in her position? Would you want me to leave you alone even when apparently you are trying to get me back? To pretend that I dont care so that you think its over for good and find someone knew? 
Or to be just friendly? Which I have noticed tends to end not well. Because maybe you'd get disappointed because of your expectations? 
What would you want me to do if you are angry at me? And being unreasonable? Should I be unreactive? Being angry in return dosnt really help. So. 

I am trying to find out how should I handle myself post breakup. No contact isnt an option.",2.0986486486486484,4.599432581081082,3.7242567567567586,84.83679054054058,81.29729729729729,6.402702702702705,22.08783783783784,7.645422480735847,1.0811270270270272,594,19,116,10,16,197,94,148,0.15,0.733,0.11699999999999999,-0.6496,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,10,0,0,8,8,0,0,4,0,22,0,0,1,0,28,31,10,0,12,5,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,25,6,19,17,2,15,0,2,0,0,18,9,0,5,5,93,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346016482630885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878281714282871,0.0,0.2041901481513698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075839439349946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628689029087065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833876154562545,0.0,0.0,0.1106198495435312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30614983230631004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587913450797373,0.0,0.17500418159712314,0.0,0.0,0.140475407008353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225921593422708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733856312044938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825752317837267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19067862259145466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604008334417575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072928389153414,0.0,0.0,0.17981228756518594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190640105132013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731528397923827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22741768047249344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29635451166194265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058584384317053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758957719737785,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,defoathrowawaysoz,2019/10/27,"Got engaged to someone who isn’t my FP Title says it all. 

To give a bit of background, I’ve been with my fiancé for nearly 7 years now, and in the last couple of years we’ve agreed on an open relationship. 

This led to me engaging in a sexual relationship with one of my best friends, who is my FP. We’ve pursued a relationship of sorts, lasting nearly 2 years now. He knew this was a possibility, and so did I. 

Understandably, he’s very upset about this and tbh so am I. My FP has said from the start that if my fiancé and I got engaged he would never talk to me again. 

And, f*ck me, it *hurts*. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

I can’t even enjoy the engagement but I’m not sure whether that’s because I don’t feel ready, maybe I don’t love him like I thought I did, or maybe I love my FP more. God I’m so confused and scared. It’s such a big step yet all I want to do is take myself out of the equation (if you get me). 

Sorry for the rambling. Thank you.",0.01027405728415687,2.0133195308056884,2.1925654234494125,95.68271996703074,85.91943127962084,5.186152895116424,18.652586029260245,6.498293943080001,-0.19865728415413164,755,20,182,8,23,254,118,211,0.061,0.742,0.19699999999999998,0.9796,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,1,10,17,0,3,11,0,16,4,2,1,4,31,34,14,0,4,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,10,4,27,13,24,23,5,22,0,1,0,2,18,9,0,5,13,116,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510750819959191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651646826800002,0.0,0.15242252466750586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448043452710847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221384907448628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411862485626685,0.0997403979986498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786556904317232,0.0,0.07294264662171025,0.13393064311763553,0.0,0.0,0.2233244272875503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654434753674738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945986712491452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760838130832986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641687220421725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520144964766873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805224182105147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767906246047096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094606181526407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739401039261786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496801401112685,0.0,0.0,0.13280505638624185,0.1110267995391453,0.13977814994508167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829464154261435,0.0,0.0,0.15628664398835956,0.0988196351054854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158471226586466,0.0,0.10497248806663477,0.11221658929206743,0.0,0.12853797907190254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083806376521092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534328500796778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519631997630495,0.08234806056871175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991779076564076,0.0,0.0,0.26972086322566063
bpd,emojess3105,2019/10/27,"Relationship - how do you know if it's the BPD or you? Just started seeing a guy but already I'm asking is it worth it. But I don't know whether this is me or the BPD making me push them away.

Background - been seeing each for 2 months. He tells me he loves me 3 weeks in. I'm honest about my mental health and that it's a fairly new diagnosis and I'm not on top of handling it yet. 

He's accepting at first but now we are reading this book on BPD together (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me) and he keeps coming out with statements like the book is making him feel weird about me. He doesn't know which is me and which is the illness. He noticed small things about me and the book is confirming it.

It's a book. It's an opinion. I hate being defined by my illness and it really hurts when someone who in essence doesn't know me that well is defining me by my mental health.

I feel like telling him it's over but I started to fall for him too. 

How do I know if the BPD telling me to end it or if it's actually me?",0.18302951735141448,2.1425730229357822,2.1799162345432777,96.31548264858395,84.8256880733945,5.075708017550858,20.487435181491822,6.280692351149826,-0.031014599122457295,781,24,186,7,23,260,106,218,0.113,0.7759999999999999,0.111,-0.3539,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,1,2,12,10,2,0,10,0,16,5,0,4,0,39,38,20,0,3,13,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,20,11,0,1,9,5,1,3,5,4,1,1,1,4,29,6,19,36,1,23,0,1,2,1,22,10,0,7,12,122,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.10898755938400237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324616844377882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440954615070117,0.0,0.10493087720629912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626487972129254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620595273239513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891895248278056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294166137205615,0.079787134870132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499842830301518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058480618843293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205298299852488,0.0,0.2374299261812652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956012624021205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926994909700806,0.0,0.0,0.30689327020400703,0.0,0.0,0.11825732341226786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091264081507554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079924996833307,0.0,0.14909999212563127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251025848988893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914517361089462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786518825615418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271530745644302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117143114227096,0.0,0.07154768668568727,0.0,0.0,0.11990691404019772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799551689173349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462956543748964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810114481567095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928504470831078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419794551925242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958623881139134,0.0,0.1004174079417564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chorizosherbert,2019/10/27,"Feeling like I'm on a different wavelength than the rest of the world Do any of the rest of you feel like you're on a different wavelength than the rest of the world? My entire life I've felt like I'm on a different frequency than the rest... I rarely am able to connect with people, simply for the reason that I feel no connection.  I just feel like I CAN'T connect with anyone else as a friend and it's hard to explain.... the best way I've come up with how to describe with is ""different wavelength""

It's starting to get to me.  I just crave that deep personal intimate connection with someone, friend or lover. I want to feel less isolated, I want to feel a connection to other people.  I have plenty of friends but I feel like I don't connect with Anyone unless it is simply skin deep.  I don't know what prevents me from connecting to people, but I've never felt accepted my entire life (family, friends, etc.)

I guess what I'm asking is, do any of the rest of you guys struggle to connect with other people? And do you have any tips?",3.0974066742081448,4.7633070721153885,4.328880090497741,85.81906108597289,74.43269230769229,7.5864253393665155,26.177601809954748,8.313332769828598,1.7189142533936654,813,29,163,14,17,267,90,208,0.054000000000000006,0.7979999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.9426,4,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,0,1,3,13,0,1,14,0,12,4,1,2,1,35,33,8,0,2,6,0,11,5,5,0,2,0,0,2,9,10,0,1,13,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,11,19,12,35,31,8,12,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,7,107,28,0,0.104780241028153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137624709001285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652956157767227,0.10735973928935848,0.0,0.0,0.09795538106849358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996039853189184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902588997691564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378922021477379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753044627215653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685766615223832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877748603869804,0.0,0.3708602671047028,0.2994201005063784,0.20121092624611156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238118171989003,0.0,0.05474335129224515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542724852133655,0.10374891214389892,0.0,0.0,0.0938625150244514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575844802290385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801876591610102,0.25595166555973536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081298137787475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29056570426480904,0.09149006490348126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773153890144138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877995819841995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416399390066758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953905815201434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360420184167895,0.0831696782093802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,megneto,2019/10/27,"I miss him I’m sad. It’s been about 6 months, and I just really miss my ex lately.

I loved him so much but he is honestly so toxic, manipulative, and at times controlling. He belittled so much and would always egg me on to get upset.

So it’s really messed up that I do, but I do.

When we were together in person, I miss that feeling. 

He’s done so much horrible shit though, and I am posting this here on a old, random account because I don’t want to run the risk of him seeing it. Or risk a mutual person we are friends with assuming and passing it along.

I’ve given up on trying to date lately, I don’t care. I need time to myself but holy shit I miss him and it hurts so much the last week or so. Out of nowhere.

Just needed to get it off my chest.",0.7166666666666686,2.365769925925928,3.335580246913583,90.38411111111117,81.22222222222223,6.789135802469136,19.441975308641968,7.793537801064563,0.5412538271604936,576,14,134,10,15,202,94,162,0.244,0.657,0.098,-0.9796,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,1,13,16,2,3,4,0,11,5,3,2,0,27,26,20,0,4,7,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,11,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,12,0,0,4,2,21,4,19,21,4,22,0,6,1,1,14,9,2,4,10,91,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933195091765107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474995985889646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847337553582305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433030644647973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906099371693058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859113530012364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200864477553416,0.0,0.16241370439845296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639326788173495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669789921434954,0.3506683370456328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402835303850467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240644119361299,0.0,0.457041883817239,0.23050185165160225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309983276085266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714346127131281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886097754994068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914755481423932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385925247523208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190976150923203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271124000004535,0.0,0.1812674041480456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552818679576212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167787423696216,0.0,0.12467824768862908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041449771148416,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Heartlike,2019/10/27,"Normal people invalidating my hypersensitive feelings I’ve always been hypersensitive and I tend to overreact a lot. My whole life, people have always invalidated my feelings like saying I’m thinking about it too much, or that I’m overreacting and that my issues aren’t real. 

I have realized that the way I think is just not like other people. And that I am kind of delusional, in a way, because I’ll perceive things differently from people and take situations way too personally. 

But recently, my family’s house got robbed and it was a traumatic event for me. Me and my family have always been weak people, and the robbery occurred when one of my parents were home. Of course I freaked out. I could not stop obsessing over it and talking about it, and telling all my neighbors. (Showing them camera footage and etc) 

I was upset because my boyfriend, who’s always been strong his whole life, just doesn’t get what it’s like to be an easy target and a victim of crime. He’s strong and street smart, so of course criminals and everyday people aren’t going to fucking pick on him. 

My boyfriend told me to just be street smart and to be aware of my surroundings. And that these events are not preventable, so that I should just stop stressing about it. That’s easy for him to say, cuz he’s a strong ass person that criminals aren’t going to fuck with him because he’s a higher risk than some weak ass targets like me and my family. He told me that he saw the people who broke into my family’s house a couple weeks ago, because they followed him in an attempt to steal his wallet, but he stared them down until they drove away. My boyfriend isn’t scared of crime because he’s not physically vulnerable like I am. Of course I freaked the fuck out and I am adamant about trying to find the criminals and get them locked up. My boyfriend doesn’t understand my concerns and thinks I just need some street smarts. But that’s not enough.. he said it’s annoying how I won’t stop obsessing over what happened, and that I am acting frantic. He even said I’m delusional because I overreact, which is an abnormal reaction to reality. He’s annoyed because I can’t access situations in a realistic way, and because I always overblow events out of proportion.

Wow really, I fucking hate normal people. They just don’t get it. They’re always invalidating our stress and deep suffering. Anyways, I’m seeing a therapist soon who can hopefully help me.",6.139675324675324,7.082770023809522,6.481367965367966,76.02348051948054,66.2943722943723,9.70978354978355,31.85021645021645,9.80755857964246,3.038018528138529,1949,76,355,41,30,629,201,462,0.16899999999999998,0.727,0.105,-0.9876,6,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,6,4,19,37,8,8,17,0,31,10,2,3,1,69,65,32,0,6,15,1,2,5,1,2,4,4,2,2,28,27,0,4,9,1,0,5,14,23,0,1,13,9,53,14,42,46,9,40,0,2,3,6,39,18,6,5,18,228,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161618621006721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470260075920923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653066842696303,0.0,0.0,0.33897991492481044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549786743795089,0.0769111998184992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262287881168787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182213750659536,0.07752172873201757,0.04591052448752776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26211036826789924,0.0,0.07029242122517576,0.04965776866134234,0.0,0.0,0.06353063862837853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704252022903784,0.10894790308143644,0.0,0.07900796864697489,0.0,0.055593285013872035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614672292107957,0.0,0.0,0.06862647279011462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046590910251336416,0.0,0.0697239318068307,0.06903885090398151,0.0,0.16040980355500628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725501042733959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238369268549896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819356313044254,0.16979472754642064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909469111083945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109765320882613,0.051540587839847336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620956421483768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047101595446158884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718233493273255,0.0,0.0,0.3855143859453625,0.12138643918974935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911729618886054,0.04452971621897498,0.0,0.0686324777180982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322393513443529,0.11055386257429496,0.06959137093053556,0.0,0.05539025943814499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156263709246397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433975301090218,0.1592463334714995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226267022003495,0.05586929211076322,0.06075457226403675,0.0,0.0,0.08070615994141994,0.04617917938448494,0.1336170947622554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283906137062668,0.0,0.0471925474104016,0.0,0.0,0.07236208565663547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206943693185599,0.05575651675394569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521027386056593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TylerDarkness,2019/10/27,What are your experiences of dissociation like? I’ve heard a lot of people on here talking about dissociation and I’m not sure if I’m experiencing it or not. I’ve done some online research but I still don’t feel like I really understand what it is. Would anyone be willing to share their experiences of this symptom?,2.770913348946138,5.576421360655742,5.2184074941452,73.17032786885248,81.29508196721312,8.075878220140515,25.107728337236534,8.841846274778883,2.4092416861826687,257,10,47,7,7,90,46,61,0.025,0.836,0.139,0.7703,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,12,12,4,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,4,4,6,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,3,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003065610322992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781190958768777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316941202544346,0.0,0.0,0.13741706865296166,0.1941553551962317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655500359836873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310524828669674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884138286773952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410534348098874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170390174887472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561437197064197,0.2824771813620309,0.0,0.2184415962848468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28292625347746386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930604075683511,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vangogh-thot,2019/10/27,"My parents found out I self harm I’m in high school and one of my teachers saw my cuts and told the principal and he then called my mom. I might end up going to therapy and I’m really afraid because at this point I’ve researched bpd enough and I have almost every symptom and it explains every feeling I’ve had ever regarding other people but what if I get diagnosed and my mom thinks I’m a weirdo? Or what if I don’t get diagnosed and I continue feeling this way for the rest of my life? 

Can minors even get diagnosed with bpd?",0.263121212121213,2.668360281818188,2.502727272727274,90.1807575757576,91.63636363636364,5.842424242424243,20.96969696969697,7.3011,0.9704969696969692,421,15,86,8,15,142,72,110,0.078,0.892,0.028999999999999998,-0.7261,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,5,5,0,0,1,22,19,13,0,2,4,3,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,3,12,0,9,14,2,12,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,5,4,53,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458415020902904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878327582624157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668672259399008,0.0,0.14871888376425493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434770086546246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899742030908548,0.15048926178632638,0.0,0.09619653742158067,0.13174340341431062,0.24542282821871245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728404008275034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969120992270314,0.0,0.0,0.2282790526303679,0.0,0.08277288374930805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388096082998154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287271682990756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450534680722666,0.0,0.3411531589371544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869219399102028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172050860927534,0.0,0.0,0.10097126276630064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768072646476964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330332337620527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739957867857795,0.0,0.0,0.1519385332057537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513799592365669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655669187966154,0.0,0.0,0.09332284191142293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916915435869875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560548694369865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,madgif90,2019/10/27,"A lifetime of symptoms; less than 24 hours of knowing. I’m 29 and have known I have aspergers (pdd-nos/high-functioning autism/autism spectrum disorder) and anxiety/depression all my life. Today my therapist confirmed I also have BPD and I’m not quite sure what to make of it. I always associated BPD with MPD (multiple personality disorder) and imagined “those people” were...not exactly crazy but...maybe kind of crazy? I guess I imagined serial killers, or other people who are the worst of the worst. Then I hear this diagnosis and a few symptoms and suddenly my life makes more sense. And I’m definitely in no way a serial killer or the worst of the worst. 

I don’t know if I have a question. I don’t know what to think right now. It’s all a little disorienting. Any thoughts are appreciated, even if they’re to gently scold me for thinking the worst of this specific group of people in the world.",4.343458646616544,6.327802397660822,5.52795739348371,77.18486842105266,71.80701754385964,9.330158730158725,29.173350041771087,9.784248007369934,2.973485881370092,714,29,133,19,14,237,103,171,0.23,0.7190000000000001,0.051,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,11,0,8,4,0,2,4,30,21,13,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,9,8,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,13,2,16,20,10,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,6,5,84,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627995405901227,0.1209882211852491,0.0,0.0,0.09888006989376248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662638432619815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523671288123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332923886007693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603832398562358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601794882896012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638814785580856,0.0,0.0,0.15362787442797735,0.0,0.0,0.14319417740366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141644768824766,0.23973158923921756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054070463034268,0.0,0.14573354315270445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941173123155141,0.0,0.14607839904595202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024155891689736,0.12696163139601396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628863565248912,0.15465562110761225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417467836263255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704205338979414,0.30226197241129377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688258721199162,0.0,0.18633870962465035,0.0,0.11543495889889825,0.0,0.0,0.13782649741794376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154153518120702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Camm_w,2019/10/27,"My Best friend forgot about me So my best friend, and just a little while ago my only friend got a girlfriend, at the start I would jokingly get jealous and tell him that he would not make time for me anymore, but now I'm not even ""jealous"", I texted him on the 18th telling him about something important and he hasn't answered and also texted him on ig, I always see his last connection but he won't answer me.
My birthday is on November 1st and we were supposed to hang out, and I have been texting him about that but he won't even read them.
At this point I'm not even jealous of his gf, it's just rude, I'm so hurt, somehow I feel like it was going to happen someday, I don't know what to do, I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, and that happens often when he had a job, we wouldn't see each other in a while cause he was working, but know he doesn't work anymore, I see him posting everyday with his gf so he's using he's phone

I know I sound extremely desperate and controlling and obsessed, but I hope at least one of you gets how heartbreaking it is for you to suddenly get ignored by the person you love the most, we were supposed to hang out on my birthday next Friday but now he won't even answer my texts planning it, I feel so alone, lonely and worthless, it was just that easy for him to throw me away.",6.719504895104892,4.737714130909096,6.905818181818184,83.22857342657346,65.87272727272727,9.916083916083917,33.153846153846146,8.139509932561175,2.210832167832168,1026,33,228,10,13,332,136,275,0.131,0.764,0.105,-0.8684,1,3,1,0,0,0,25.0,3,3,1,6,21,19,4,1,8,0,21,1,0,5,0,51,46,25,0,4,12,0,2,1,6,6,0,1,0,1,12,17,0,3,8,2,0,4,11,10,0,1,10,7,40,9,28,30,5,32,0,4,4,1,39,14,0,4,14,154,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941506259926817,0.0,0.0,0.12783837599854067,0.0,0.09870856374957172,0.1027053514120806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482284777616906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159684717121418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25906863728948604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679871365162035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384395368532077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261028128967416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248219038157562,0.08817987935989817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860898810161895,0.0,0.19346445096543027,0.0,0.07014927705747356,0.0,0.0987198840764658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830110383572995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225958738778039,0.0,0.0,0.13213655967564705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248726121499337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035050757518888,0.10061359292621794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030266358965885,0.12371133830547608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140224193090048,0.0,0.0823918501372437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312713827672306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364074979741037,0.09387563414545057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777610283577302,0.0,0.0,0.11668318160211615,0.0,0.11821378168606825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346544991323274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950780830455294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502402046987148,0.0,0.0,0.08736583848511235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577009991492271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197421948128914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066056582999814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900974315663437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972000122178952,0.0,0.0,0.17536517013753108,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Skeggybeach,2019/10/27,"Mixture of daft ""disorders"" DAE get so nonchalant about the disorders they keep throwing at you to try and explain the things you do that make perfect sense...and just get like ""you all appear to be crying about these things? Surely you... (it) just puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again?"" I can't fathom it...",5.58404761904762,6.2133664126984165,5.349325396825396,84.76303571428572,67.41269841269842,8.204761904761906,26.86111111111111,8.07648339933343,1.525701587301588,256,7,50,3,4,79,47,63,0.045,0.8170000000000001,0.138,0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,1,3,11,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,7,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,2,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28161061111157465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5876448880693724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416439370464135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018285226974781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22787360082104224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524952312446005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112908990642695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25772284685699803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24162586629455554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406419197913169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405852771739594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ENFP_weirdo,2019/10/27,"youtube channel [https://youtu.be/vN1X7MKbh9M](https://youtu.be/vN1X7MKbh9M)

Hii there! I just started a youtube channel to spread awareness about BPD. Not to play the sympathy card but so that world is aware and supportive in our recovery. Go support, guys! :)",9.766216216216216,14.526531567567568,4.517621621621622,75.85372972972975,71.16216216216216,7.284324324324325,37.12972972972973,8.238735603445708,3.835523243243244,216,11,28,4,5,54,34,37,0.034,0.679,0.287,0.9035,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430939197425956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944577087810081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387927095012613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421829773616548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7765594073105752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chestnutsunfish,2019/10/27,"Did I handle this wrong? I had this friend, let’s call her Stephanie. We didn’t hang out very much because we live in different cities but we would frequently text, call etc and I considered her to be a close friend. 
It was a new friendship and Stephanie and I had been friends for around a year when I noticed some troubling patterns in her behaviour with other people. It started as offhanded comments about her having fights with her roommate, I didn’t think anything of it because her stories and points all seemed logical and it seemed like something fairly reasonable to be clashing over, then these gripes and fights became more frequent until she had a huge blow up, she told me her roommate threw something at her and she moved out of her shared apartment 

She then moved in with another girl, she would send me screenshots of this girl making polite simple requests or normal comments and berate her to me, responding in a really dramatic and nasty way to this girl. The girl ended up telling Stephanie that their apartment was being sold and the real estate was asking them to leave. Stephanie found out later this had been a lie and the girl simply didn’t want to live with her anymore and she sent her an incredibly aggressive text telling her to ‘never talk to her again’ 

She then moved in with her ‘Aunt’ a friend of her estranged mums that she had grown up with. 
She lived there for a while until she had a blow up fight with her. She wasn’t exactly clear on what the fight had been over, but this ‘aunt’ had been a part of her life since birth, and it ended with all of Stephanie’s things being packed up and her kicked out. I was very supportive through this period although I was confused about the situation. 

Stephanie then found 2 new roommates and moved in with them and began to tell me about them fighting and sending me screenshots of their conversations and recounting petty fights.  
Whenever I tried to reason with her and provide another point of view about her friendship with her roommates for eg: ‘maybe your roommate is feeling upset because ....’  and try to deliver some really gentle feedback she would get incredibly angry with me for ‘not supporting her’ , I told her that I couldn’t agree with her all the time and she told me ‘not to talk to her then’ so we didn’t speak for a few weeks.  

We ended up making up after she reached out, she didn’t apologise  but I did. She then told me about another fight she had had during this time. These patterns continued with her best friend  they had been friends since high school, she went away with her for her birthday, and her best friend brought some other friends of hers. Stephanie wasn’t happy about this, and told me that the friendship ended after the weekend with her and Stephanie screaming at each other in the street. Stephanie again sent me a screenshot of the message her friend had sent her, which recounted different events from the weekend and seeemed to be a completely different story than what Stephanie had recounted to me. Her best friend told her she has decided to cut off their friendship and she wished her the best she didn’t want to have contact with her anymore.

These troubled friendships/relationships continued into a new job that Stephanie started, with another huge fight between Stephanie and a work friend about a guy who worked in their office that Stephanie had casually dated and then had an argument with. 

During our friendship she would get angry if i didn’t reply to her messages immediately or react in the right way. 

She started adding my friends and sister  (whom she had never met) on social media which I thought was a little weird at the time but I didn’t say anything. There have been so many more things which have concerned me but these are just to give you a bit of a background. 

I have really tried my best to manage this friendship and her expectations of me. I’ve always tried to be supportive while trying to help her, especially because I am a few years older than her and she has a really bad relationship with her mother and family, and her dad was not around when she was growing up. 

But it came to a point where I just could not take it anymore. I really feel like she needs help which I am unqualified to provide to her, and history had proven that voicing any opinion she didn’t share or any genuine concerns for her would either fall on deaf ears or cause a huge anger outburst from her.  So I stopped replying to her texts, immediately blocked her number, deleted and blocked her off social media, asked my sister and friends to do the same as I was worried about her being nasty to them or using them to send me messages and have not spoken to her in months.

I still think about her a lot and obviously I wonder if I handled the situation in the wrong way, it was just a lot for me to take and I had a new baby at home and Stephanie and the drama she was bringing to my life was too much. 
- do you think I’ve completely handled this situation wrong? 
- do you have any advice you can give me or have you ever been in a similar situation?",8.73307887474406,7.703205621338919,7.5371174218819545,77.253694026529,61.30125523012552,10.52110745125968,36.344609632333295,9.420299171960508,3.1694756342918184,4058,153,756,57,47,1231,334,956,0.10300000000000001,0.736,0.16,0.9965,4,0,2,0,9,1,63.0,6,6,10,7,27,48,11,2,47,0,83,4,1,7,9,154,132,74,0,15,23,7,2,2,13,5,3,6,1,6,43,77,0,3,15,4,1,19,19,21,0,0,69,9,150,27,133,48,25,129,0,0,1,0,182,54,0,18,55,568,193,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443578594621236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037770906314533836,0.0,0.0,0.09260711050408946,0.19039555533315056,0.0,0.0,0.13505402668711436,0.0,0.0,0.07470972396987856,0.08081941673763206,0.08487331532875468,0.0,0.04264854966421696,0.0,0.03790155390702634,0.11068546733405198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381876185992034,0.0,0.0495577850061525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270337795972464,0.051917903224831835,0.0,0.04663147799302909,0.0,0.0,0.09518813453843264,0.0,0.0,0.036242898903171915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422791780840268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082015017943369,0.0,0.05062558809804544,0.0,0.0410608868601284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279281356724046,0.0,0.04590448667188073,0.03242902065313267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954293776018944,0.455920297831916,0.0,0.04743230709429536,0.08709088150636693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044946556479869636,0.0,0.048322068652355325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085241570530112,0.0479605700081783,0.04553323448746772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045045898820917404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048065006840548034,0.0,0.04641777922240712,0.06412533572497678,0.044353799011371584,0.04549606524818451,0.12024948777262792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718361135367638,0.0,0.0,0.060600831598905315,0.04602173545722492,0.04560372465096164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03623254151010996,0.1929838028106589,0.0667386753736929,0.03365859627990435,0.07002030492173986,0.17536473384619886,0.0,0.0,0.044475848292755006,0.0,0.05168063357420825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915657805207311,0.0,0.031470035608029606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287341738336199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166757390220638,0.1454007223715075,0.09334385484795962,0.0,0.09747094686861872,0.0,0.03876567567590782,0.0,0.0360986164839136,0.0,0.045940496954660015,0.0,0.08264880794168028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509970183009294,0.20409612397390972,0.0,0.09254561429802888,0.0,0.06989204214680664,0.0,0.0,0.09638894726931617,0.0,0.03625119056625852,0.037950875921749255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453551809913835,0.0,0.0,0.06826030478782939,0.07297091579333427,0.11902737467882618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603146537742036,0.08725868363533584,0.0,0.03603725201742145,0.07940768802344132,0.0,0.0,0.26025176608978723,0.0,0.15409553589519728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039205282654572376,0.0,0.0749085408647967,0.05354835173134809,0.10809339284056252,0.03641180991622038,0.0,0.0,0.04208009326694991,0.0,0.0,0.05220011604151077,0.0,0.049227155281167785,0.0660938036398916,0.046099153701473015,0.0,0.1612306788553052,0.14889151753054874,0.0,0.05846366246532742
bpd,Heronesque,2019/10/27,"Wondering about diagnosis process hi, my names kit   
ive struggled with mental health my whole life and when i was about 15 i was hospitalized for admitting i had a plan to commit suicide and was self harming regularly to my family doctor.  i was diagnosed with general anxiety and depression, medicated, and sent on my way  
im now on the latter half of 18 and i think it goes deeper than just a generalized anxiety disorder and depression, and i suspect im actually borderline.  
i would like to be diagnosed so i can get help, obviously.  i will be going to see a new psychiatrist in december (my old one only saw minors so now that i am 18 i have to switch). this is actually pretty good because i wasnt as honest with my old psychiatrist as i shouldve been. i was reluctant to admit when i wasnt doing well so im hoping to start fresh with my new one.   
basically i just want to have advice on how to get diagnosed and hear stories from people about theirs. i honestly dont know how to bring up that i think i may have this or what the process for getting it figured out, especially to a brand new person.",3.8081627719580986,5.368173232876714,6.1911952726295985,73.61968573730864,72.37899543378995,10.267096427612142,29.77733011012625,10.46071229359064,3.4506189094816007,874,37,167,28,17,311,124,219,0.146,0.741,0.113,-0.8163,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,1,15,10,0,1,6,0,23,7,0,2,2,35,41,18,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,0,2,7,13,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,4,1,3,11,3,28,6,31,25,1,20,0,2,2,0,10,6,0,4,11,119,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.2275112160696832,0.0,0.0,0.11391095847030877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783516240766383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106005466473145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080332300506984,0.3549486114842678,0.0,0.0,0.1335994406584313,0.11931444300903535,0.0,0.0,0.13661929608571904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989192148119556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827092074240909,0.0,0.06624947760989014,0.09777347429773144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390857163456152,0.1313829815409496,0.0,0.07813448487233055,0.0,0.0,0.11578041773514175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777471540942603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406388169654176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233691326899678,0.056950265617516024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743211801725505,0.11747524928586645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33775240436311355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446414341294631,0.0,0.1579818413934066,0.08865681847779902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081503396858862,0.10178452025741963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859370553117332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289128211484264,0.0,0.12160804357354865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825089210234718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121864384894847,0.0,0.12750877589125714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493868340851134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875606875746049,0.0925279242662732,0.0,0.0,0.10481052481824772,0.0,0.0,0.13014636041201633,0.0,0.0,0.12641530743007792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280805875634606,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LittleOwls20,2019/10/27,"Real crush or friend crush? I have a hard time telling whether I just like somone as a friend or if I have a crush. I feel like I take romantic interest in anyone I may have a chance with. I know this is kinda common with bpd, just wondering how to deal or if anyone knows how to differentiate between crushes and friend crushes.",2.826666666666668,4.987466461538464,3.7026923076923097,87.81147435897438,76.69230769230771,6.7948717948717965,24.679487179487186,7.793537801064563,1.256641025641026,260,9,53,4,6,83,40,65,0.162,0.5379999999999999,0.3,0.9062,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,2,0,20,10,10,0,2,8,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,6,7,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,8,4,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33100689436870456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298110507138623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440233309354073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968068221413353,0.16909577240433749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5486125605825893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203325295838293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26016402095554403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312755597252397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694120309923019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796604291746454,0.0,0.20688286246095547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801942489300714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25668687113846633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ohhh-caitlyn,2019/08/29,"DAE feel like their relationship is “ruined” after having an outburst/argument with their SO? sos. my boyfriend and i had an intense argument a couple days ago and ever since then, i’ve been feeling like our relationship is ruined/completely changed and he doesn’t love me anymore. i feel so alone right now. we haven’t been able to see each other much this week and it’s making it worse. i have such intense urges to break up with him. can anybody relate???",3.109540229885056,5.739198804597702,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,78.19540229885058,6.16551724137931,24.60919540229885,7.3871296695380915,1.2731057471264364,364,13,67,5,9,114,65,87,0.122,0.7240000000000001,0.154,-0.2444,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,1,13,16,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,10,3,6,13,2,10,0,1,1,1,9,2,0,0,9,45,14,0,0.204304096307225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811032543725674,0.0,0.0,0.21159742888265254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261476538843767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612664413661695,0.0,0.21420895793003092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260585966379276,0.0,0.13175924046197424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848047517401392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099068692325214,0.2919097744475405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199625323314386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439242348174745,0.0,0.13637457073238013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501870183164194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43869228152065903,0.0,0.17447458194775325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280391341634015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900245968561384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388042262453956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208203328324314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,freakibgout1010,2019/08/29,"My partner keeps forgetting me. I tell him that I don't want to be left alone for long stretches  at parties. He sits in a room without room for me for over 2 hours.

I tell him I want to go on dates. Less than 24 hours after we decide on a date, he forgets it.

I just want to crawl up in a hole and die.",0.09828431372548962,1.389816573529412,2.1917647058823526,99.53460784313728,81.79411764705881,5.121568627450982,20.15686274509804,5.46131890053228,-0.4363901960784311,229,6,60,1,6,77,48,68,0.149,0.809,0.042,-0.5948,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,7,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,16,6,1,19,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,6,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25714768712852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576799353840302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110570639033304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890201037412801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068652038087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26976165089413545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197238188992136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434022895794964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43933359178044656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23933723396566056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,buttholegoddess,2019/08/29,"traumatized from high school and now terrified to take even one college class hi guys (warning: LONG POST haha) (also didn't know which flair would be most appropriate between seeking support, DAE, and venting but decided venting encompassed all of it haha)

i graduated from high school in may 2018 and have been in treatment since a day after my graduation. i was diagnosed with bpd in my first program and have been to four since (currently in my fourth and hopefully last! yay!)

i am in one of the last stages of the program i am currently in. (FOR CONTEXT: this program is for young women who are struggling with ptsd, anxiety, depression, personality disorders, and substance abuse disorders - i am dealing with bpd, adhd, depression, and am in recovery from my addiction to drugs and alcohol, heroin was my DOC) in this stage we are strongly encouraged to practice balancing the different aspects of our lives. i had a part time job since being in this stage, quit it and am now about to start a new part time job. my team (therapeutic staff and residential staff who work with me) are now strongly encouraging me to take a college class at the local community college that some of the other clients attend. i am so terrified of going back to school.

(CONTEXT): i have not been in school for over a year now. high school was very difficult for me. i was always either getting kicked out of classes and having to join other classes halfway through semesters or just plain failing. i had almost 10 tutors who i would see throughout the school week but they could only help me so much. i was self medicating with prescription pain medication my first two years but after being asked to leave my moms house for her mental and physical safety and moving in with my dad i started using heroin my junior and senior year. i had three rlly close friends but in a school of 1800 other students we rarely had class or lunch together. i spent my days in school constantly paranoid, feeling isolated while surrounded by people, consistently having my self esteem lowered by my lack of success in a very high achieving school. i wouldn't show up to school and when i did i was always late and most of the time high. i would leave school early almost every other day. i almost didn't graduate because of my attendance but my dad thankfully saved my ass. i would call my dad sobbing in the parking lot and tell him how i couldn't go in.  i had so much dread and fear and hopelessness regarding school and my  life in general. it was miserable and i was miserable. a couple of months before i graduated i miraculously got into the college i had dreamed of going to since my freshman year. i had gotten a 30 on my ACT and my admissions essay was fairly good (looking back now this shows me that my poor grades in school was not due to the fact that i was stupid, incapable, or defective - i had a lot of mental health and family issues that were making it extremely difficult for me to successfully live my day to day life). i never ended up going to the college - i had to withdraw after accepting that i needed to be in treatment much longer than i wished to be. i put my life on hold.

(PRESENT DAY): the cc i was registering for's classes started this past monday. i have obviously missed the deadline. i missed it on purpose so i wouldn't have to tell my team and my parents how much i never wanted to go to school again. well i told them today because after having my parents and team talk to me with so much disappointment in their voices about me not taking the class i decided that i should at least *try* a class maybe not even at the cc but possibly a continuing ed class or something to show them that i am willing to do things that i don't want to do.

i know that this is a trait of my bpd presenting itself but it feels like they don't understand the heaviness or seriousness of the emotions that are coming up for me in regards to going back to school. i've been crying non stop and fighting the urge to self harm (i am very proud of myself for not engaging in self harm - it's the small battles won!). i am terrified that the rest of my life will be a constant string of things i don't want to do and that i will never enjoy anything in life. i am feeling so hopeless and defective. why was i even put on this earth if i cannot offer anything positive to this world? i guess the fact that my higher power put me here in the first place is reason enough to keep pushing through and fighting for my life rather than sitting back and let my life happen to me. through my recovery i have come to realize that she only gives me what i can handle, and that is a lot. still sucks though.

on top of all of this my current therapist (who i have been working very well with for the past seven months) is leaving and i am going to be switching to a different therapists. the therapist change hasn't officially happened yet and i am already a mess just anticipating it. 

sooooo, yea. i guess i kind of just needed to let all of that out - i already feel better after just typing it up. i am curious to see if anyone else has had a similar experience? whether it be school or work. being terrified to start something again that you know you will most likely benefit from in the long run but have to fight the urge to just give up and not do it? lmk 

:D thanks and congrats if you made it all the way through the post hahaha!",6.470801264906704,6.635451041266798,6.846823259180013,76.3991065416444,65.45873320537427,10.05735502344168,33.01286932443913,9.832878577273773,3.0998093326201195,4283,166,799,84,61,1393,412,1042,0.17,0.74,0.09,-0.9984,11,0,4,0,6,2,95.0,3,3,5,21,39,57,6,5,46,4,101,17,1,6,10,145,158,65,0,21,31,6,4,2,1,12,15,1,0,7,51,51,2,3,13,7,2,18,19,29,2,9,38,8,124,28,144,95,23,150,0,11,3,1,52,55,3,23,72,597,175,57,0.0,0.04449273442799785,0.0,0.040936997441467615,0.04512995800770248,0.0,0.0,0.04013144670184245,0.11280808963521415,0.0,0.08287867516261901,0.03003015545539855,0.06249220030859785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028727019014650426,0.0,0.0,0.026257086928512727,0.038476249799585735,0.061803852367837024,0.0,0.03510585752305892,0.0,0.0,0.11550004414947633,0.0,0.04578244918383624,0.0,0.03195381019341858,0.0,0.0,0.03321150947178934,0.0,0.0,0.14188550691979604,0.0,0.03834457939994937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397248180161047,0.06469508955855036,0.0,0.08116029586173462,0.0,0.02998205125342427,0.04155034492989772,0.04124888153445029,0.14530680019211914,0.03871424989607111,0.0646866089169213,0.03811427963953128,0.0,0.0784672628056441,0.08607521668526556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043548158207347504,0.0,0.03136970467820923,0.04224071301744517,0.033259742812965086,0.03880104060324115,0.0,0.07440781574872009,0.0,0.031639005367032035,0.0,0.0,0.036732859374320984,0.035400488605478134,0.042256207370582666,0.07594925978937117,0.02682700856568306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582460833916144,0.0,0.0,0.029012422275501982,0.0,0.01961926205418494,0.0720462035888986,0.14939084620104467,0.031496662503868664,0.030033599444081214,0.0,0.082735067674033,0.037182179153071065,0.0664138534211072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039915800171179634,0.0,0.0,0.025170175424507005,0.19837765626452106,0.0,0.03729740369924955,0.0,0.04332972755318085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919431583922037,0.07452872082961942,0.03337775919733249,0.0,0.03910441399275631,0.061912450436382674,0.06121944685905984,0.04236005837121371,0.11928578084547575,0.0,0.07679850551880349,0.18566759453211404,0.03669181868690526,0.0,0.0663178427536769,0.06646431059295434,0.03153404862768077,0.0,0.0,0.09577557514284997,0.0,0.035532414690744425,0.025066113555826757,0.0,0.037725823574022016,0.0,0.0,0.0756589620011033,0.07568675054028683,0.0,0.0,0.043980206344022506,0.059946966135364314,0.039911613323262034,0.13802444383557466,0.05568835768234249,0.08688677373267191,0.036267755873135236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089213384149208,0.0571196617552696,0.03995775556367436,0.0,0.0833936447882217,0.08132986528134598,0.07169487136780571,0.026033685193555367,0.03278877738254324,0.03923363140282205,0.0,0.0,0.04233400457302293,0.07192847522347988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389603672121866,0.11324977212432152,0.0,0.03994095441038622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860949765250137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080707122163902,0.05984783466758189,0.0,0.1566988401998797,0.0,0.0,0.12425292554010725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057818410040832886,0.0,0.0,0.10631741002150076,0.0,0.029988910557595908,0.03139498057366071,0.0,0.0392572876216551,0.0,0.0,0.042613329915112866,0.0,0.0,0.08470282532548534,0.03018270893796496,0.06564384483914773,0.06914529187309236,0.0,0.1308015786301744,0.04989548561283679,0.0,0.036894446158682134,0.0,0.0656902577963039,0.0,0.03559470913820118,0.03588234764987895,0.0,0.02549520261873612,0.0,0.036682645467984935,0.03909274105689902,0.0,0.032432692459142695,0.0,0.1239366485295691,0.06644706168931037,0.029806865550505907,0.030121783416240968,0.0,0.06752714375273647,0.0,0.033884652555710056,0.0,0.043182708943138616,0.0,0.0,0.08201445806911828,0.0,0.0,0.1067028659043846,0.0,0.0,0.0967284945490349
bpd,yawn_zz,2019/08/29,"Went to DBT Therapy today. Was embarrassed beyond belief. So I have been attending DBT for about 13 weeks now.  Went today and we are doing Interpersonal Effectiveness.   Module.   Today they broke us up into groups of 2 doing role playing for DEAR MAN.   The woman that I was paired with seemed unsure of what she was doing.   I had almost completed the script that we were asked to do.   Mentioned to the woman that if she wanted she could do the asking or saying no part.   She then asked the Facilitator clarifying questions that she seemed to not understand what she was doing.   Then proceeded to ask to work with anyone else but me.   

Think I am doing going to DBT therapy after this.... what do you think I should do?",4.087499999999999,6.498810022727272,5.237878787878788,77.10181818181822,73.77272727272728,7.733333333333332,21.60606060606061,8.59863814320734,1.5741242424242423,561,14,96,11,12,185,83,132,0.052000000000000005,0.9209999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.2922,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,1,1,2,4,4,0,1,5,0,21,0,0,1,0,22,34,7,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,8,6,0,0,8,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,9,1,17,2,18,23,1,16,1,1,0,0,23,3,0,6,9,80,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437259619071285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081202032228924,0.14772653521245072,0.0,0.0,0.5391447164998163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511670058223901,0.0,0.0,0.1151137279049002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044151409994094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193920077483392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612981085591646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151141211139888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465546193681815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625069372756573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297582879353005,0.0,0.0,0.18476580092141812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409989259369402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009350491209747,0.17342736756850322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850394225835343,0.0,0.115650218555059,0.0,0.0,0.2673073376103785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049626872939863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lillie012318,2019/08/29,"i dont know if i should kill myself or not. im debating on if i should kill myself or not. i usually go to my friend (fake name) tom for help. he also wants to kill himself and doesnt like his life either. hes the only one who understands me; because hes going through what i am. i have traits of bpd but im not diagnosed due to the fact im under 21 and my personality isnt fully developed. ive had these symptoms for about 6 years, and didnt realize any of it until February of 2019. i also talk to my boyfriend (fake name) michael, but i dont like talking to him about killing myself. usually when i do talk about how id like to kill myself to my friends (and boyfriend), they say how if i really wanted to i wouldnt say anything and id just do it. ive had a plan for a long time. im too toxic for people. todays my birthday but it feels like a normal day to me. ive been physically ill for the past month. i have an aneurysm in my brain. i turn 16 today. its supposed to be my sweet sixteen but nothing good has happened. i hate myself so much that i feel like i deserve to die. i feel like all i do is hurt my boyfriend. i love him so much, but i want to leave him so he will be happy. my bpd ruins everything for me. i dont want to live like this anymore. i dont want to be bakeracted again. i dont know what to do. i know people will miss me, but only the people who dont see the toxic side of me will care. id rather be dead than hurt anyone else again. please help me..",0.22637739956461544,1.856942027607364,2.772640015832181,93.91450326538693,82.71165644171779,5.801543637443102,20.332079952503463,6.828538100315305,0.16961579259845605,1135,32,275,13,31,394,154,326,0.217,0.6729999999999999,0.109,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,5,39.0,0,0,1,1,16,26,6,0,9,0,36,6,1,2,2,45,57,25,7,13,17,0,3,7,2,6,4,2,0,1,11,5,0,0,8,0,0,2,13,12,0,1,4,7,55,14,34,43,4,21,0,4,1,1,25,4,0,5,22,177,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247242699503583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782114652688189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974019990575897,0.04917054620405833,0.07205286038319036,0.05786874200316445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286743687633218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713536140243974,0.07850223966206084,0.0,0.0,0.07169762850008557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535165910358389,0.0,0.0,0.07137501403534892,0.07298279032799303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944988358375305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058744731183891515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320058195989918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667024671676427,0.15071344370229856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866069445351266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993085040339748,0.05898247978294782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218521988221716,0.07485872454915715,0.0,0.06942808965016349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427026517027856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150561602731849,0.0,0.3038378802221171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38900254004839946,0.0,0.11594085105773234,0.0,0.0,0.07446049409464925,0.0,0.0,0.04967027465435592,0.24048930859641235,0.0,0.06209532230576826,0.062232464397695815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346805204483025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561300854922944,0.0,0.10338903643628218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890030516678151,0.06747553823705671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765178302698237,0.10696559656996016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712999036760227,0.14625657341465007,0.06140216916112585,0.0,0.07719207564216067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504986201465784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111845227795033,0.0,0.0,0.05603726581983527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309114004326077,0.0,0.1695656820314965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410051308550678,0.0,0.1333134399154823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648978277488386,0.0,0.07320733772238079,0.0,0.0,0.15489876742980718,0.0,0.2073877124941226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528484941438369
bpd,FrannieMonster,2019/08/29,"Stopping Myself from Getting Angry or Discouraged I really hate when somebody asks me what’s wrong or why I’m depressed... because half the time I don’t know why but I know my BPD is related somehow. When I try to explain that I have BPD and / or what it is, almost every person I’ve talked to tells me I don’t have it -__- or not to think too deeply about it, etc. and it just frustrates me to the point I get upset at them and don’t want to talk to them anymore or really talk to anybody. I hate the lack of understanding. Is there a better way I can explain to people? Should I just avoid trying to explain to people what’s wrong & just ride out the emotional waves alone? Is there a way to not get so upset at people for not understanding? I was diagnosed about a year ago but only recently started accepting myself but other people’s comments make it difficult sometimes 😣",2.292095588235295,4.493247039772734,3.935147058823532,85.28926470588237,78.60227272727272,6.641176470588236,23.98930481283423,7.724431198458867,1.3443640374331554,693,24,134,11,17,231,97,176,0.223,0.72,0.055999999999999994,-0.9843,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,12,13,3,3,7,0,12,1,0,1,0,36,30,14,0,3,14,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,4,0,3,9,0,0,1,6,11,0,1,1,0,19,2,19,28,2,15,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,7,8,94,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091628538005359,0.0,0.12331446126171508,0.12754370027038647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343029577945384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212925763568293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151263155395687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506959041593775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089139815622836,0.0,0.0,0.3102000025572329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606678592685834,0.12499214928625098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852439446233542,0.0,0.0,0.13734204695965727,0.0,0.0,0.10375710414851744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301850288829853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24316537834695584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353573222566464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220193159170898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365924473474604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414999624244926,0.1075276719453406,0.0,0.0,0.116414219318816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778292037805808,0.0,0.12159332785652327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179605465211142,0.0,0.08716445457460573,0.0,0.0,0.10295684808462004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969439562114709,0.10763636793686426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890796384279346,0.0,0.0,0.07180831424846436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721817659642224,0.0,0.0,0.256401840591248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263560300628877,0.1954975523021514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222429803638887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692849809859264,0.0,0.07930297086323186
bpd,RandomizeThisShit,2019/08/29,"I can't study AT ALL due to anxiety and panic. I hate the fact that I prolonged my college for 4 years (2 due to changing to a field I initially wanted after 2 years of something unrelated, and the other two because I have problems with studying).   
It's so frustrating because THIS field is something that I love and constantly do, even outside of college, just for fun.  
And I can't tell people about that, because everyone's just saying ""yeah, I feel the same, exams are the worst"", and then get shit done in three days.   
Almost every professor in the field loves me and respects me, even people outside of my country have recognized me as promising. And the moment when I get my low score and have to explain myself somehow, because they almost always look at me in disbelief, with the ""how could I possibly score so low"" look on their faces.    


I just panic maximally and all my symptoms worsen when it's exam month. And I'm so tired, I only have one year left and I have no idea how I'll manage to pull through, because it's so overwhelming, I'm just scared that when everything's over, my panic will just switch to writing papers or conducting research, and that I won't be able to do anything anymore.   


Does anyone have the same problem, panicking when in need of studying? Can anything in DBT or any other kind of therapy help me with that? I've read so much about bpd, seen so many videos, but didn't find anything similar. :(",7.6767080745341625,6.7290873333333385,7.660890269151139,75.25108695652177,63.34782608695652,10.349482401656317,36.74327122153209,9.424239791934726,3.3692358178053823,1128,47,207,17,14,364,151,276,0.132,0.823,0.046,-0.9545,0,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,2,0,22,19,3,5,9,1,19,6,2,2,3,43,33,29,0,5,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,15,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,13,0,3,3,5,27,6,31,26,6,28,0,3,3,2,9,12,1,5,15,144,39,9,0.10761183919483124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551542491131548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954167081480073,0.0,0.0,0.07317974081968928,0.0,0.08232276243748936,0.0,0.1067220283174907,0.07524470006491428,0.0,0.2656661236032372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279958917809456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355333443348723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383905704746093,0.0,0.0,0.11629016836335385,0.0,0.08591929714202236,0.0,0.0,0.06940073377532985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417184566278408,0.11012427352885988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215320975351825,0.0,0.09066761578221222,0.10282772395471733,0.09671458221686677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054411779270892524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835527147123184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244548892886023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624441225701406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212994745207944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148066789287874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206117076544447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692057815317612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073368437879955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424777264009568,0.0,0.0,0.10910151459752006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589474336848223,0.0,0.07910708378511422,0.07979281521830403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292056725470593,0.08184365288286119,0.0,0.3787779210873335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492089994070359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213161797162184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593999362624124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764096048681243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557725375068814,0.1077382240711581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046200650981207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568970250193416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184990476074633,0.0,0.0,0.094057490640094,0.0,0.12306351658407015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368397881341027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512113028154783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347225088372507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789548874620026
bpd,extinctLlama,2019/08/29,DAE wish to get a deadly disease? I don't want to exist anymore but I also don't want to put my family through another suicide attempt. I wish that I could get some obscure untreatable disease and just die. That's pretty much all I think about. I'm so tired.,1.204591194968554,3.5925125094339627,3.217264150943397,87.72954402515724,84.28301886792455,5.79748427672956,25.81446540880504,7.1686216300943375,1.43174465408805,205,9,40,3,6,69,39,53,0.3,0.5479999999999999,0.152,-0.8874,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,11,4,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,10,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853615681535354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430509616027683,0.0,0.0,0.2298723902960339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850646442722731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24056037243714054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851002706458356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422003566235357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039157450170545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23581272814253465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301195121653395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535395295252726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852102283340404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664073415713276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27343029847044603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330917889323753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dogoo23,2019/08/29,"BPD and temporary memory loss and dissociation Hi,  


Questions to people with and experienced with BPD.  
\-Is it possible to experience temporary memory loss during BPD events ? Like for example, forget about new iPhone passcode and even about fact of changing it at all?  
\-Feeling of dissociation, during walking, like outside body?  
\-Tunnel vision ? (maybe related to dissociation)  


Thanks!",8.010726392251815,12.18092406779661,8.497142857142856,49.154576271186436,71.03389830508475,12.184987893462472,37.242130750605334,10.914260884657429,6.595104600484262,316,17,35,13,7,104,41,59,0.09300000000000001,0.747,0.16,0.6859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,11,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,11,3,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202697447481606,0.7552438013613476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145163602812456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202203860709602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552570908046246,0.0,0.0,0.10106777097806292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530725318988407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081116827272416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305000494486996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857496650549125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22534010156972326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391674445419849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840270871005647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,s4nctu4ry,2019/08/29,"Question to people who experience dissociation: do you ever forget what happened when you were dissociating and then recall it weeks or months later, gradually and in great detail, too? I’ve had this a few times. They are usually sensitive conversations I’ve had one-on-one. I often feel too ashamed to corroborate with the other person what I think is a recovered memory, and so I’m not entirely sure if these are real memories or hallucinations. But they feel very foggy, like I’m in a dream-like state, and everything I say or do feels like I’m on autopilot and just do whatever seems to be the easiest way out of the situation without thinking about them. Then I gradually start remembering later and suddenly 1) it all makes sense, and 2) I get this ‘what the fuck, did this really happen’ moment.",8.144983221476513,7.905815134228193,9.413347315436244,60.746732382550384,62.087248322147644,13.356040268456375,35.40352348993289,12.602617957971056,4.880173825503356,641,25,109,22,8,224,101,149,0.07200000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.084,0.4172,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,3,0,8,6,1,1,7,0,11,1,0,1,3,32,26,16,0,1,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,9,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,10,4,11,21,2,19,0,0,0,1,10,4,1,7,15,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785164935511998,0.0,0.0,0.16677135595714246,0.18151545530090374,0.0,0.0,0.2814774980478056,0.1325656852503392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154927995769648,0.09694859983926732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458299987242934,0.0,0.0,0.328184112191582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813126527097357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386422108731243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481139916319087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574176095764028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286454771438809,0.16202577084192296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078721514947891,0.0,0.0,0.21121042824051112,0.11887590811479667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020581922119508,0.0,0.0,0.14756652326831585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892887357136585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085797072083788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134189262132767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489019394357336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23780155258442204,0.0,0.0,0.10820282126893606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437056653014565,0.1531082630749371,0.0,0.14729065103151714,0.14884681792826707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887535585502656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tarasaurusrexxa,2019/08/29,"DAE have a partner with depression/anxiety? Hi everyone! Does anyone have a partner who has depression/anxiety? I've been with my boyfriend for almost two months and things have been getting rough. He has undiagnosed depression & anxiety and it's becoming detrimental to our relationship. Obviously if I'm posting here I have my own issues but I've gone through therapy and a little DBT and can self-manage pretty well. I have my moments but I can articulate my feelings to him and I have given him a toolbox to use when I have them (a book he is reading & just telling him what works). 

Some days he has panic attacks or just gets down which I know is typical of depression/anxiety and I can usually handle that. But when I get upset or anything like that, he gets upset and blames himself and then whatever I'm upset about gets pushed by the wayside so I can focus on comforting him. I've brought this up to him and he's gotten better about it but I wonder if he just stuffs his feelings more now. 

Whenever he has his moments, he shuts down completely and barely lets me in. His answer to what I can do or how I can help is always ""I don't know"" which most of the time makes me split on him. I see myself as the helpful, loving girlfriend and if I can't help him then what worth do I have? (I know this isn't true but that's my train of thought)  

He went to the doctor and got a physical to see if there's any non-mental reason he's feeling this way but there wasn't. And we also discussed him going to therapy but he is scared. And I get that, but I also don't want to feel like I'm pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. He says he will do anything for the relationship and I appreciate that but he would be going to therapy to save the relationship and not for his own benefit. He's told me multiple times he doesn't care for himself and he puts me above him. 

Sorry for the rambling. We had a big fight last night about this and it has me feeling uneasy and my instincts are to run. But I don't want to and I know that I always want to run if I'm afraid things will fall apart. Does anyone have any advice? Is anyone in or have they experienced something similar? I am at a loss because I love this boy and I don't want to break up. Thank you in advance 💗",2.2064926739926776,4.095919899572653,3.934346764346767,86.70192307692308,77.56837606837607,7.192185592185592,25.031746031746028,8.11559375814309,1.4993463980463977,1795,65,374,32,42,602,203,468,0.11,0.757,0.133,0.9589,0,0,2,0,1,0,43.0,3,1,2,4,19,22,2,6,15,0,50,3,0,4,2,76,93,49,0,11,23,0,6,2,3,3,1,1,0,3,23,25,0,0,13,2,1,12,10,10,1,1,12,10,60,12,43,76,5,43,0,2,2,2,59,14,0,13,16,254,83,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823098139290659,0.0,0.0,0.0843454412601555,0.0,0.0,0.13471941885660574,0.14017431446781645,0.18252907339238653,0.0,0.11456029253183035,0.0,0.25774673813356097,0.0,0.0,0.1766893696469711,0.0,0.1386303025713717,0.0,0.0,0.09582522003098727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051346595233573065,0.09302681066603337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449570585865514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587938486785443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831487516663625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543221954202818,0.0,0.07254826214632154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621426537889806,0.14742268921084067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048658006086618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294928352539694,0.060174830080346665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640441458514095,0.0,0.09574113409622853,0.0,0.06736743453239975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937531729121375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791555308770126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851651940367261,0.06865972035862994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613217177576317,0.0,0.08230227941432781,0.0844218524178405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204400431081164,0.0,0.056225021149992095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723258935478696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904533298098894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882723678784527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067026489207671,0.08569347467981893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846756826866446,0.0,0.0,0.08425405572397589,0.0,0.0,0.08660376556850956,0.0,0.2712985566998476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698407997853809,0.08433018707228708,0.0,0.1342428199916864,0.0,0.08787157595048717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969068061407024,0.0,0.09429000118842996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642464232010202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736218352363988,0.07754882880683509,0.2889773652233337,0.0,0.11191901479352988,0.0,0.0,0.06687021294617736,0.09823185195741577,0.0,0.0,0.08048658006086618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822817032517464,0.0,0.0,0.07274876559563809,0.09276883449251608,0.0,0.2484089020897733,0.06685885477458052,0.0,0.0,0.07573401989981805,0.07808322333222363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913452100841336,0.06132136159668571,0.0,0.0,0.05983547149099434,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,youmustbeabug,2019/08/29,"Read my “medical alert” list on my school index card It says I have bipolar disorder. BPD is such a prominent disorder, but they still read BPD as BiPolar Disorder... if anything makes me feel like schools aren’t equipped to accommodate borderlines, it’s the fact that they think BPD stands for bipolar disorder... the funny thing is, my BPD is in remission. Now that I’m going back to school as an adult, it doesn’t matter anymore. But I learned today that I went through all the highschool that I went to with the school administration thinking I had a different disorder than I did.. this is an issue. They need to know the difference. It was likely one person’s mistake, but if that person is in charge of inputting people’s medical alerts, they ESPECIALLY need to know what’s up. Yafeel? 

Very freaken strange.",5.167200000000001,7.233169920000003,5.333000000000002,79.09150000000002,69.8,9.0,32.5,9.516144504307137,3.237,648,30,115,15,12,204,92,150,0.087,0.836,0.077,-0.3543,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,9,0,11,5,0,1,2,19,23,7,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,3,12,1,0,0,6,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,5,2,14,2,16,18,1,12,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,6,73,26,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515148788703566,0.0,0.0,0.07895441812889609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377565014401433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4833566068817106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048384816254206,0.5498054237991535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851258768062478,0.06854300404564073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452765660434596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014147282043033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054575362076207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374759286115834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404391748185126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330863990420316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228374798368804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501469828900139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651606291382894,0.16755064548331242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919415833709604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629917789268491,0.0,0.3884051513369177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662166330028591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374148022964261,0.12295514295477893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094447808035012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916453096854174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778836329279565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clockwork_cherry,2019/08/29,"I don't know what I'm doing I've been smoking for 8 years now. I wanna stop, but I'm scared that without it I'd be even more of a mess.
I started because of dissociation issues as a teen, also had (still do) severe chest pains and smoking just... distracted me i guess.
I picked it up to avoid self-harming as well, and I guess that was successful... Somewhat.
I still want to do it. But I just... don't do it, because I deemed it as forbidden thing. But that doesn't mean that thoughts about hurting myself just disappear.. I actually thing they got worse. 

Tried to quit smoking before but i never went for more than 1 and a half day, cause I got scared of exploding on other people. I'm rarely angry outwardly... I always focus negative feelings inwards, cause i don't know how to express healthy anger about others. 

I have a wonderful SO now, and work with people, so quitting it now seems impossible because I don't want to lose people. 
I feel like they're going to see who i really am, and that's a monster.
But then again this just sounds like an excuse to keep destroying myself...
But then again I want to die. And I also don't..
I don't what the heck I'm fuck I'm doing.
I'm sorry if this makes no sense.",1.0687704303493746,3.341719805668017,3.026360773729195,89.65894137052031,83.73684210526315,5.764522417153997,21.293897136002396,7.093109894594671,0.6534772529614639,940,30,196,13,27,315,133,247,0.249,0.643,0.107,-0.9923,0,1,0,0,0,2,45.0,0,0,1,5,20,15,3,4,7,0,18,3,1,5,1,43,46,23,1,5,12,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,20,7,0,3,8,0,0,3,11,11,1,1,7,4,25,4,24,38,3,20,0,2,1,1,4,3,2,6,16,134,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.11817369108006776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368325334906566,0.10076282058119372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145973529966195,0.0,0.10304505290276914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24880097985043356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809786909237401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568008574974834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998375638455765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224610687356127,0.08651207790685392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195268703615713,0.0,0.0,0.06882249971262197,0.0,0.1937054657859459,0.0,0.2668050969126953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963737791414945,0.0,0.0,0.1263943274587066,0.0,0.1076370217337468,0.0,0.0,0.13310403760803347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183242428619579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547712650567048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808335213169347,0.0,0.0,0.13191067800708411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339785711145207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885627757727616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25186127586529433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25760419400957946,0.0,0.0,0.07757815911903933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424794454477415,0.0,0.09649902863082284,0.11024261552697467,0.12633110246055196,0.1368057055091245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555873639791105,0.08571343349851443,0.0,0.1934172392086351,0.1012429320482288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090359564203385,0.0,0.0,0.0961378879561978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221725317613571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427932836688168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888119536065237,0.11225859534818797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673366823490758,0.13132507263693102,0.08816042196917613,0.0,0.12340869773578834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798281940148305
bpd,drearydejected,2019/08/29,"can’t connect with people? it’s rare for me to like someone back, but once i do I care intensely for them, and I feel obsessed and attached. It feels good, like an incentive to live.

for the majority of people I don’t feel connection  which makes me not able to talk with them

it really sucks because even though there are a bunch of people that like me, I can’t like them back and just end up with 0 friends",7.068928571428572,5.259708511904762,7.0690476190476215,81.78428571428573,65.07142857142857,10.780952380952382,32.904761904761905,9.516144504307137,2.5681047619047623,321,10,71,5,4,103,54,84,0.06,0.6579999999999999,0.282,0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,6,9,1,1,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,11,5,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,11,7,12,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,7,48,16,0,0.2092347658261956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32177723925805224,0.0,0.1275475712007655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332878852595288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531989835325574,0.0,0.0,0.13819758948812794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173861532090236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165426104804087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549619449878662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408886150905698,0.0,0.18475813158314305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966583092356927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228281969208657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351711245298321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340411487506428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728393809205648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681749790990316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557209508130586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Soucci_,2019/08/29,"Just ended a bad relationship It lasted for four months, but he was my friend for two years. I can't stop thinking that I was being constantly manipulated by him, even though he completely denies it.
He had a girlfriend when I met him, but he would constantly call me and suggest that we should try phone sex. I reminded him that he had a girlfriend, but he didn't cared that much. I must admit, that I was young, stupid, and I liked the attention. Funny enough, I was also trying to move on from another really toxic relationship, so I thought that accepting his advances might turn out ok for my self esteem.
He kissed me, touched me and tried to have sex with me multiple times, even though he had a girlfriend. He fought constantly with her, and as a result, he called me late at night, looking for a fight.
I never paid too much attention to him when that happened, since in a way, I thought that the verbal abuse didn't matter that much, since at the end of the day, Im important to him, right?
Besides, he would constantly talk about suicide and overdosing, so I was obviously, really concerned about his well being. 
To this moment, I have no idea what attracted me to him. But I did liked the attention, and that he thought i was interesting. I thought that no one else would understand me like he would. I even lend him my DSLR camera (I got it back :p), some books, my Netflix acc, and taught him storytelling techniques. 

Then, we started dating. The first month was ok, even though I'm sure that he brought up attention to him by making constant comments about suicide, and that it totally wouldnt hurt me if he kills himself. So, as a response, I told him that if he dies, I will do it too. I was being totally serious about it, I couldnt see myself without him, but I also think that I might probably blame myself for not being able to help him.

Then, he got more dependant, he would tell me that he was falling apart, that he was going to kill himself soon, so I thought I couldnt leave his side. But I was feeling really, really worn out, I wanted to explore my sexuality and deal with other stuff in my life, and I also felt I had the responsibility to keep him in a good mood. I thought I wasnt being fair with him by being dishonest in what I felt, so I tried to end things wirh him.

He screamed at me like a maniac over the phone, told me that I was a disgusting bitch, and that I lost the most important person in my life, that no one else will love me like he does because of my BPD.
He tried to cover this outburst, pretending that he had DID, and that I had to help him to recover. And he made it clear that I caused it (Which wasnt true).
The fight lasted for a week, and when he told me that he will never see me again unless i kept dating him, I complied. 
 I really, really tried to be on his good side, since I didn't wanted to be abandoned. My therapist told me to take a break from him for two weeks, so I did.
I admit I had a hard time without talking to him, and when the break ended, he told me I hurted him for going away, and even though I was really mad, I forgave him.

Then, two months later, I saw a post from another girl where she was calling him abusive. I didn't believed her at first, but then it clicked: If he did this to me and I made a post recalling the events, I dont think people would believe me either.

I do believe that people learn, so I gave him a chance, I tried to talk things out, set boundaries, and have time for myself, but he didn't respected that. He stayed at my house twice, even when I told him I didn't wanted him to do that.
Two weeks ago, a friend of mine organized a barbecue, which was fun and had a lot of time to catch up with other close friends. I went home, watched a movie, and responded to his messages every 30mins / 1hr. As a result, he sent me a long text calling me cold and abusive. I got incredibly mad at him, and after 20 missed calls, I picked one up, and told him that I wont put up with that any longer, that I was incredibly mad and couldnt believe that I cant be away from my phone, or he would have an outburst like that.

I met his sister some weeks prior. She is a psychiatrist, and told me that he does not show signs of being in inminent danger, that yes, he had a lot of problems, but he isnt in danger.

With this in mind, i thought it was safe for me to show this type of emotion, I hoped that I wasnt being cruel or demeaning, which I tend to be when Im angry. So I told him I didnt want to discuss any further, and went to sleep.
Next day, he calls me and tells me that he's outside my house. And that was like... the final straw for me. So I ended the relationship, the best way I could. He cried a lot, but I tried to tell him that I appreciated him a lot. But we needed to work on ourselves first.

I know that the relationship was harmful, toxic even, but I can't help to empathize with him. Since I'm aware of how hard it is to grow, and understand that you're not in survival mode anymore.
He is really mad at me right now, and thinks that I ""betrayed"" him, (somehow?)
I just feel really dissapointed. I dont know if I feel hurt, or what even is this texpost, but one thing is fof sure; I dont hate him. Im just hoping that he learns :(",5.737634535777648,4.840210677902622,6.423173664498326,82.38395919574221,67.22097378277154,9.816834220382418,29.97279716144293,9.08713915112311,2.1226033707865173,4036,120,887,62,57,1331,361,1068,0.14800000000000002,0.715,0.13699999999999998,-0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,3,2,162.0,3,0,0,8,47,59,17,0,44,3,93,7,1,10,10,165,168,81,5,26,30,1,8,7,6,16,2,1,1,3,71,45,0,5,31,5,1,13,32,28,1,13,79,16,171,30,106,57,16,119,0,6,6,4,146,37,1,20,68,619,242,6,0.0380883312620817,0.13538533288664428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03376300754543146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137767424805504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051802742725495315,0.07987787262214703,0.0,0.0,0.03777338997206816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157048202384132,0.029287575688161295,0.03180216565317855,0.02321829321425557,0.0,0.0,0.17165002530066104,0.0399713537962554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479709198793468,0.0,0.2333546684958879,0.0,0.03883359217590311,0.03912720811987448,0.0,0.0,0.03993489066746535,0.20579977483367,0.0,0.030410433237050005,0.0,0.041838243401145545,0.049127645390030096,0.039267397078192864,0.0,0.0,0.039529674478052564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666271072036531,0.0,0.13391772171621127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363582676310074,0.04284424612060842,0.16867478141269793,0.039355427846457576,0.0,0.2012558686319803,0.0,0.032091061824561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577758141372395,0.0,0.07314154211911987,0.041723905154686665,0.0,0.09719374534228097,0.0,0.0,0.08828085075268055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043292952804358825,0.06389337034799447,0.0913881538366947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033681385546413166,0.0,0.0682393270002663,0.037604341669728585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658941673222434,0.0,0.038205701788575616,0.07566061411370506,0.0,0.08789764087839587,0.12232303913298855,0.04299708986727495,0.123425801260524,0.0,0.0,0.033854658878847865,0.08427819057146042,0.0,0.04186470153144818,0.06209414712090264,0.042965296674563294,0.0403300432856632,0.0,0.0,0.05380582955236942,0.1302562431710951,0.0,0.0,0.033706974597055794,0.031984605468795294,0.0,0.04157791288994917,0.12952534874962604,0.0343762060317656,0.0720801999550079,0.025424256878178883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081140083997948,0.03845835681197248,0.0,0.0912052278885515,0.040481868371544286,0.08399791793158214,0.028242015015340568,0.05875213828091709,0.0,0.04050737239992104,0.03574331871514344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323855598778954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281130625794477,0.03325726172262629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295618552371792,0.0,0.04106566314667813,0.03644538907631655,0.0,0.03828929298607688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196032428255641,0.0,0.0,0.1635704544616746,0.0,0.0650544535734229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070293740601364,0.0,0.0397344362627404,0.0,0.0,0.12602824485579595,0.0,0.03811583819940477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02695911690686657,0.0405970933116479,0.0,0.03184355041767699,0.0,0.0,0.04360202674166778,0.08332490482879926,0.0,0.07179560291525364,0.0,0.028637684957773874,0.0918418737243469,0.09987264100264877,0.0,0.0,0.04422348825315242,0.07591258456104127,0.09762185893332843,0.14968636831989904,0.2116651635994383,0.08883844902866447,0.0,0.0,0.3275552948444688,0.0,0.20687581394580867,0.041429167073492715,0.14882706076824884,0.07930259220194848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986193845204339,0.06046548897990165,0.12220864754286714,0.0,0.03424598402930714,0.07061652934122349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343158430275211,0.0,0.027728758788631427,0.0,0.0,0.18939800404680546,0.0,0.0,0.024527636557787426
bpd,SilentEffy,2019/08/29,"The most annoying part of having BPD is watching yourself ruin your own life And you can’t do anything about it. It’s like, you’re aware that you’re ruining everything and wreaking havoc but you’re not in control as if the “other you” is taking control. 

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you take control of such situations?",3.3320833333333333,5.679773875000002,4.42625,82.32708333333336,75.875,6.766666666666668,27.854166666666664,7.793537801064563,1.9456541666666665,264,11,47,4,6,86,49,64,0.135,0.838,0.027000000000000003,-0.7146,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,3,3,4,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,4,0,11,9,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,5,9,3,2,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,2,1,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435808169173837,0.21039848758480534,0.1689800478586079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586227107338819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.690929949043276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969731448481285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153798654120073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454932653783346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038277474812606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504005267272424,0.10032036904157804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236679431860068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308144841411311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30878522786514645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629919616422077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amsterdamamman,2019/08/29,"How to care for someone with BPD? Apologies if this is worded incorrectly but i recently met a girl, and i’d like to learn more about bpd (will study it) and how i can help, things i shouldn’t do, what i can do when it gets bad, anything helps.",2.307352941176472,3.5533698823529463,3.2648529411764717,94.36433823529413,75.66666666666667,6.668627450980392,22.553921568627448,7.1686216300943375,0.4018980392156864,188,5,45,2,4,60,40,51,0.085,0.696,0.21899999999999997,0.7615,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,10,10,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,5,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22648435311374604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297989729449294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6932652473870502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28060729244370985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437921975628669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689511692475415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445962511222392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717486390139999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23319480790900465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284534619399248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,petrus82,2019/08/29,"Don't mind me... I just want to bitch about stuff.. so.. feel free to scroll past this post.

I'm on the self-pity train today, at least that's what I call it.

Man, I feel like shit today!
I hate everything about myself, I'm a untalented hack, who can't draw for shit and make shitty jokes.
My job's shit as well... Literally when I have to clean the toilets.
I don't have any friends. I'm 37 And I don't know how to make friends, people scare me.
I feel alone.. constantly trying to act upbeat.

The only good thing in my life is my girlfriend and 
I don't want to burden her with this.

That's why digital equivalent of screaming in the wind.",0.2949502487562228,2.432014216417912,1.9835522388059696,96.75274129353235,85.94029850746269,5.364378109452738,17.142288557213927,6.742157984588678,-0.2809735323383085,491,11,116,6,15,160,86,134,0.22699999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.126,-0.9565,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,7,15,5,1,5,0,8,4,3,3,0,15,20,7,0,2,1,0,3,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,9,4,0,0,4,1,1,1,5,8,1,0,0,4,16,8,16,20,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,4,0,6,63,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647104010900088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081480083342868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239064642496506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185835801664712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292875769276586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24123584582942134,0.11361332764117107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573726359241505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333894767988756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701232955380326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781588091645146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740047055283011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232983036627864,0.07769557325072689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123117503121008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605781653324383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095189126035676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181515469678175,0.11025357517446338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230981498154605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592199456332857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590627901198446,0.0,0.4897357875349711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820549300424941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565457085658904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014896977208066,0.0,0.0,0.1079730824742724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760376685352104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429899179602541,0.0,0.1435026989085807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,redcouch58,2019/08/29,Crisis line.... Sitting here for an hour debating chtting myself. I  don't know if I should call.im too dissociated. My psych left me and now I'm just taking however much meds I want and I need fucking help. Jm ruining all my relationships. Idk if I call or if it will make me worse.,1.0735714285714302,3.6002006428571462,3.544285714285717,83.90071428571429,87.21428571428572,6.771428571428572,24.07142857142857,7.957251820313856,1.7054571428571434,220,9,44,5,7,76,46,56,0.187,0.7390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.7629,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,13,10,6,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,1,8,2,4,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,4,2,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278677437272921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389577810799278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732516553639937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545477357618533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279199467698989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205217543962365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808359693400688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725353754531446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871096290179516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001030363836854,0.19165738796508586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27750751879210883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943425033020004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245640574727826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634101007989504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,startingtorain,2019/08/29,"My date never showed up. I felt so abandoned when my date suddenly blocked me on social media about 5 mins into when our date was supposed to be, then continued to not show up. I felt like the world was ending.",4.073571428571427,5.1852335000000025,4.760476190476194,85.86785714285716,71.14285714285714,7.504761904761906,25.904761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.3619904761904764,165,5,33,2,3,53,33,42,0.134,0.81,0.055999999999999994,-0.5371,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,6,1,7,0,0,16,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,12,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516267162293902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.762370049034599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939555544658537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061930965931983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046944418437576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FreakyNympho,2019/08/29,"Need Advice To Get Money Back From Neighbor... Calmly. Okay, so first of all, I'm posting this here instead of anywhere else because of the high risk of having a ""BPD moment"" during the encounter and I need advice from other Borderlines on how to keep my head in the game and not fuck this up.

I let my neighbor user my power whole hers was out a couple weeks ago. She can't to me and, refusing to take ""that's okay, you don't have to"" for an answer, insisted on paying me back. She said $10, so I just agreed. She came up to me randomly, on multiple different days, while I was walking my dog to ""reassure me"" (I honestly want that concerned about it) when she was getting paid and that she's pay me then.

The day came and went. The next day (or the one after) she gives me a paper check for $10. I use Ally, so I scanned it in same day. Let her know I did, etc. All's good..?

No. A week later I get a letter saying the check bounced and now I've got a $7.50 fee for insufficient funds. 

Hope do I approach her with this? I've been avoiding it for three days because I don't want to come off too harsh or too soft, but I need that money back. I work for DoorDash and that cost me two days of work because I had to wait before I could gas up again.

Half of me is pissed, the either half wishes I could just forget it, but I'm honestly barely employed right now, so I can't.

I hate human interaction sometimes. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this? She's a nice person, but I can tell there's lava under the surface and I don't need that kind of drama in my life if she says the wrong thing and sets me off... 😭",1.4101943634596663,2.9879884110787214,3.3179795918367354,91.63832993197279,78.88338192419825,6.0893683187560725,20.762779397473274,6.88968998030894,0.3011431292517006,1247,32,281,13,30,420,182,343,0.067,0.8390000000000001,0.09300000000000001,0.6724,3,1,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,0,4,21,16,3,2,18,2,21,4,2,3,2,48,49,24,0,11,10,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,2,2,16,14,0,4,2,2,10,6,7,6,0,6,12,5,46,10,41,33,6,48,0,0,1,1,26,17,2,5,23,193,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953747778954726,0.08931471543835001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851799590465874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045141173153667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23242699735331024,0.0,0.18426100654140426,0.0,0.08573651161139755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689950836205918,0.0,0.0,0.23047759472295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679295620087739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089201693713354,0.11148534741166738,0.0,0.3898783302046589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052692831923426,0.0,0.0,0.08817284761031477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416927537309309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237032941934752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857035785487254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314792492813306,0.15792361650149614,0.09665498626246724,0.0,0.08450992085567936,0.0805843194249145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994763594729806,0.1034054195846288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645496187661566,0.0,0.10007411529265202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955716459672597,0.0,0.10492257493090408,0.055373235028919984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606105876873013,0.07116742116246247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29883919921607405,0.0,0.0,0.1071558697543746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827533238788187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797684456925765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649704548314207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860456521992192,0.09584267350470264,0.1602515083093591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965093055045847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575648227945815,0.0,0.08806577730795251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693825956446342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984246335590503,0.0,0.0,0.08702141925424899,0.0,0.0,0.11885779800248855,0.0,0.1616418585445852,0.0,0.0,0.0934024496317227,0.0,0.11249123238253808,0.11586520681898405,0.0,0.0,0.14670412269006378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016160997643976,0.0,0.0
bpd,MnyMnyQuestions,2019/08/29,"Can't Tell Whether or not I have BPD.. Can't Tell Whether or not I have BPD.(Some Background)My father has Type 1 Bipolar Disorder. I often have ups and downs that can last just a few minutes or many hours or sometimes even days. I'm not sure if I have bipolar or BPD, and at this point I just want to find out what the hell is wrong with me and learn to deal with it.Not knowing what is wrong with me is pretty stressful. The ups and downs I've experienced do not feel normal though. I can go from suicidal thought s to laughing at memes in about 5 minutes. I don't know if I'm just desensitized to trauma or what else. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression, but I might need to get tested for some other illnesses/disorders as well. I understand Bipolar very, very well(grew up with a dad who had it), but I honestly don't know what I have. What should I do to get diagnosed? Is that something a therapist can do?",4.158684863523572,5.14487819354839,4.835161290322585,85.8804342431762,70.82795698924731,8.518775847808106,29.899090157154674,8.841846274778883,2.2020311000827126,728,29,153,13,13,234,103,186,0.11199999999999999,0.8190000000000001,0.068,-0.6947,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,1,1,5,0,24,6,0,0,1,45,37,18,1,6,19,2,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,11,10,0,0,8,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,3,2,14,4,24,32,2,14,1,1,0,0,6,10,1,11,3,107,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775772615362758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151551818652658,0.13030961265302474,0.10886543035742964,0.25658030465316745,0.0,0.0,0.2897235042753708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558835768821312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348393399159681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391005024639061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155244402214658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207428508532096,0.0,0.0718342483881454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447544644925268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083932261744112,0.10303031091203076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281465773278774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408709419211998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372167016473168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384208626308385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194858878311491,0.0,0.0,0.12859104717114167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730647806506132,0.1250097265574027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478717614683445,0.0,0.0,0.1382576498636956,0.0,0.11912754475993445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095285371686094,0.0,0.0,0.14675649656529496,0.0,0.0,0.12418427325576704,0.10034498822033706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158358894579766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085812937969542,0.0745521428923462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22729191369086085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763902487253717,0.0,0.0
bpd,coolpupmom,2019/08/29,Advice on LDR and making the relationship as healthy as possible? mainly being able to control irrational thoughts hi! I’m new to reddit and recently got diagnosed with BPD and a lot of things are staring to make sense as to why I act the way I do. My S/O other who I previously dated for two years (had a break up and a year later we got back together) anyways! One of the reasons we originally broke up was because we weren’t sure how to make long distance work. So I’m wondering if anyone is currently in a LDR because I haven’t really ever done this before? I have the bad tendency to get internally upset if he doesn’t respond in a reasonable time (especially when he’s out with her friends) and I know it’s pretty manipulative of me to do that but I don’t know how to stop being unreasonable and preventing myself to get upset over that. I really dislike the constant thoughts or being worried about how they might find someone better than me that goes to the same school as he does or just overwhelmed with the fear that I’m going to mess things up between us because i get so irrationally upset over small things (like the way they respond to my text messages). Long story short how do y’all cope with not having your FP near you 24/7. I’m sorry this whole post is a mess I’m not the best at wording things.,4.2773263958375045,5.5140453498098925,5.646443866319793,79.23469281568944,70.787072243346,8.578667200320194,29.05123073844307,8.99025400887824,2.3719475285171105,1049,40,202,20,19,353,156,263,0.174,0.787,0.04,-0.9887,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,4,3,2,4,12,14,0,5,15,0,19,1,0,12,2,48,38,22,0,2,8,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,13,14,0,3,8,0,0,2,6,9,0,2,8,1,24,5,38,26,5,35,0,2,1,0,20,13,0,7,17,140,37,2,0.11599024819558305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334432811603855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110307844595234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918934121166552,0.09684701232740801,0.21211973615239985,0.0,0.09869915812898944,0.0,0.12172460945162787,0.10258394868145376,0.0,0.0,0.14608565717120775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534425200883864,0.13009292620234006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772766034297327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150384784044386,0.11869829485810195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049198200599358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305212764285469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601298551024192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961377802965642,0.0,0.181800352083732,0.0,0.06591993104586844,0.0,0.18553599478566385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749041400248734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666697637461979,0.0,0.0,0.2052954393056826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861076116535712,0.0,0.0,0.23227317404876924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304732354858318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202410448827907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859799402854457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076157698548102,0.11108659510535544,0.11800378166184812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861264618828104,0.23851458658723346,0.11452637692533214,0.12453011842344627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738832359774035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827816089353518,0.0,0.0,0.12984158659346826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969730411910161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931943623613416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30823506771899184,0.0,0.0,0.18416660166168625,0.06763484649171174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330561844483933,0.0,0.13952198707670865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841353202320045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046631578674998,0.129498969859803,0.0,0.0,0.12578647635538412,0.08444228212357313,0.11779372734324688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938783389657634
bpd,Stock_Wall,2019/08/29,"I don't think I actually have BPD... The doctor who diagnosed me didn't talk to me, only my parents. And insisted I can't be bipolar or schizophrenic because of my age and family history. Now that I am on medication, I'm very patient, read the bible, volunteer, study regularly...I'm starting to think the other doctor that thinks I'm bipolar and schizophrenic is correct. 

​

BUT the other part of me thinks I'm BPD and not self aware. But at the same time...I just don't think it's correct. My dad says it is, but I've never felt empty or been scared of abandonment. I know exactly who I am. My difficulty was just that off medication my mind was racing so fast and I could never sleep or eat properly enough to live a normal life.

​

How do I go about bringing this up and amending my diagnosis?",3.7031204644412203,5.521395383647803,5.4328301886792465,77.89624092888249,73.15094339622641,8.917464925012096,29.211901306240932,9.466822959209583,2.8311166908563137,642,27,121,16,13,219,96,159,0.078,0.909,0.013000000000000001,-0.8925,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,0,15,12,1,1,5,33,28,14,0,2,9,2,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,10,6,1,1,7,1,0,2,7,2,0,0,5,2,17,0,11,21,3,12,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,3,6,82,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.12158048431068108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699833539720157,0.3027775290501265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594804344622176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138299162244141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947384518720112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645478857459466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504338672876004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748522337660767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287333102543575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174510273939454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962457721000662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708065625272123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847062661826835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800060027656034,0.0,0.0,0.11001400083449872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510197787838989,0.0,0.0,0.1257989520191195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218079079033568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220703580986387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475523109747278,0.0,0.0,0.13834087669889786,0.13491729367863955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462229784733528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990778413500114,0.12473490564387672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997306321124832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467855879174568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818443988197006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013958320755566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991566647014129,0.0,0.0,0.07264860431667496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279862845810853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027775290501265,0.0
bpd,withoutguidance,2019/08/29,"My first therapy appointment is tomorrow I’ve toyed with the idea of seeing someone for YEARS and resisted the urge to cancel for weeks, but now that it’s here I’ve been insanely anxious... anyone have any advice or kind words?",20.11488372093023,8.534671651162789,17.370697674418604,47.11093023255815,53.41860465116279,21.851162790697675,59.27906976744186,15.903189008614273,8.242506976744185,183,7,32,5,1,59,39,43,0.034,0.862,0.10400000000000001,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,5,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092673668174272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522196638475272,0.0,0.0,0.3575401484463322,0.0,0.22129502136258786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692036224634037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572752230164223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295724370894121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25219910889820363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681583502271624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361930388558032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25386672644701713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380720761101684
bpd,god-arze,2019/08/29,"Does anyone else feel like they have no real sense of self? Every time someone asks me who I am or what my interests are, my mind automatically goes blank. 

I have days where I subconsciously adapt characteristics or mannerisms from people I see on TV or YouTube. 

I'm taking a break from uni this semester because I can't figure out who I am or what I want to do in life. Every time I look back in the past, I don't see myself- I see another person who just happens to look like me.",4.999931972789113,5.187152122448982,6.433061224489798,78.03217687074832,68.59183673469389,9.390476190476187,28.578231292517003,9.2995712137729,2.190219047619048,380,12,79,7,6,130,67,98,0.025,0.883,0.09300000000000001,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,11,19,4,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,16,3,9,19,0,11,0,0,5,0,7,5,0,4,7,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378294337260088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921914435787174,0.18935337688977305,0.0,0.0,0.1727666470933979,0.0,0.0,0.14210274847820986,0.0,0.11265470777946195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191831906901069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172308891720455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437989782771874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114104175374012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344237606513646,0.132023902802961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342142858325626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053242004309104,0.18057164637359213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31037736919578673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659920039561576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641617971975634,0.1281197161875706,0.16136358802666947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103472327423107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417942101767467,0.0,0.19279071310945176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658369698248695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894949127515996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155212147282228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900209506566357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonymouscarrott,2019/08/29,"Writing a character with BPD I want to start off with I’m not sure if I’m suppose to post something like this on here. If I offend anyone tell me.

As the title says I’m writing a film about this girl who has BPD. Officially it isn’t said for a while but all the symptoms match. The thing is accurately describing and writing BPD that isn’t offensive, false, or saturated. You don’t have to personally say anything but just tips would be nice I guess.

Also, I didn’t know what to make the flair. Input I guess? Sorry!",1.5995844155844168,3.89099863809524,3.4165367965368,87.56922077922079,81.66666666666667,6.4848484848484835,22.87878787878788,7.686295010490155,1.0931904761904767,407,14,85,7,11,136,74,105,0.09,0.843,0.067,-0.3011,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,2,0,7,0,9,1,0,1,2,21,19,9,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,2,7,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,3,7,3,11,15,1,5,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,5,3,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835369452506086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097056871453366,0.0,0.14237008069557788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6536890596876977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811735938724757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508016331223457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452251740282635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548356527771145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510631037715487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569295326331282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456934553939212,0.2751643383870932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318929788084138,0.0,0.19366725497943316,0.12245529739811944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305711973498271,0.1798205930504206,0.0,0.0,0.15121580822008768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493821243967264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204405466925467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228992615123962,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cornycatlady,2019/08/29,"Treatment Options I’m eroding at the only two intimate relationships in my life. It’s killing me two see the two people who have provided unconditional love get hurt.

I’ve tried counseling, but it’s a big venting session and I have not seen much improvement.

Has anyone had experience with DBT? In what context? Self- paced, with a counselor or in a group setting? Has it helped

As many of you know, as bad as the outbursts are, the highs and love bombs are to live for. I would hate to be on medication that dulls out all my emotions, can anyone provide insight on their successes or failures with medication?",4.432105263157894,6.773709052631581,5.106877192982456,78.75347368421055,72.50877192982456,8.068771929824562,32.452631578947376,8.841846274778883,2.9634484210526315,488,24,87,10,10,157,84,114,0.19,0.711,0.099,-0.9018,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,0,8,2,0,7,0,10,5,0,0,1,15,18,8,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,2,2,7,3,17,14,2,10,0,2,2,2,9,9,0,3,0,58,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978314127558556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316522432928816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287384934626545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677246305500183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958282953606822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928513830201405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492866185380173,0.18116106218295389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835556895621276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969944045341594,0.0,0.09423209493956944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111004863781187,0.0,0.0,0.15140579666540432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095057928946836,0.0,0.0,0.1738375185597686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34546375277019936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604572169721787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040604962735358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887150375222515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840880984492696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663455731213825,0.0,0.1788742799213886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641275721145575,0.0,0.5024860517405999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180306044288088,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LearningtoCopeBPD,2019/08/29,"Ruined my life through one night of impulsiveness Hi. This is my first time in this subreddit and really the first time I'm opening up about what I'm going through currently. 

I was diagnosed with BPD over a year ago and went through some DBT therapy for a couple months. After I finished the the first course of DBT, I thought I was all better to cope with my condition and continued life without going to therapy. However, during that time, I started regressing back to my negative patterns and forgot everything I learned from therapy. I ignored that I had BPD for the greater part of the year.

I didn't really think about how BPD was negatively affecting my life until I went out with some friends a couple weekends ago to go drinking and drank a lot. Apparently, something set me off which led me to drive home in a bad state. I don't even remember what set me off, but apparently I just stormed away angry. I got pulled over by a cop for speeding, and eventually got arrested and charged with a second DUI. Luckily there wasn't an accident or anything and I was just pulled over for speeding. I felt completely numb and completely dissociated myself while being detained. I'm not trying to justify what I did because I know what I did was wrong and I've been living with guilt and shame ever since. I hate myself more and more every day because I feel like I won't be able to get better and I'm just awashed with all these negative emotions. I go into these waves of depression and anxiety and just want to hide away from the world. I'm worried about the outcomes of the trial and what it means for my future. 

I scheduled an appointment to go see a psychiatriast next week and I've also signed up for online therapy. I found that with traditional therapy, I wouldn't exhibit my symptoms when I met with my therapist as my outbursts comes and goes at irregular times. I want to get better and I want to learn how to cope with what I did and the outcomes coming out of it. This is my first time seeing a psychiatriast and the first time I'm seeking a medication treatment plan. Does anyone have any experience with taking medication to help with some of the symptoms relating to BPD? What should I be wary of? I'm just tired of losing control of myself due to my emotions and thoughts.",5.524765151515151,6.6768061886363625,6.301363636363636,76.00787878787881,67.79545454545455,9.866666666666667,32.84848484848485,10.047579312681364,3.365925757575757,1833,80,337,44,30,603,210,440,0.147,0.7809999999999999,0.071,-0.9894,4,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,11,16,15,1,2,23,0,22,12,0,5,3,79,61,31,0,5,9,0,2,1,1,3,10,0,1,0,18,39,2,3,11,2,0,13,10,10,0,7,23,4,47,5,70,32,10,69,0,3,2,0,4,17,0,5,37,239,65,2,0.07068575192468593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531730829402746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652737027611258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806873522650308,0.0,0.054074406746973655,0.0,0.0,0.04942512127133495,0.0,0.058168351017624687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282318153181655,0.054352980059008384,0.05901965031128239,0.08617875658371853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875474100820508,0.0,0.0,0.35610492030835866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177903267780152,0.14822533208064892,0.0,0.07928008131501921,0.0,0.1564248800803521,0.0,0.0455864623050673,0.0,0.060881534555885075,0.07174455028016735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185757785216901,0.0,0.0,0.0692451265393809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902391374633273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668727249305143,0.0639393094515486,0.05955579464802997,0.0,0.06352779598631231,0.06914422891471697,0.0,0.0,0.035740840042326985,0.050497915298676685,0.06786940685385265,0.0,0.0,0.30062632238652376,0.0,0.07750327851960445,0.054611636593423406,0.0,0.07386077586765381,0.0,0.2008617088629568,0.0,0.11306770616099668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697875459092058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047379169523414415,0.0,0.07090357254439048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884704066569323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978231103132025,0.03453348791515861,0.0,0.062416813972506126,0.0,0.0,0.07907927568861979,0.0,0.06009449853995848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699750608423442,0.0,0.14241691709171125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056420692804874224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517509908427518,0.0663337897971623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789849486580558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654578105819501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056620539015267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007317756684469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265478513764388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847198443850572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441734522500975,0.0,0.0,0.050031739029861216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693912268154247,0.05314688849699629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041765882512152,0.082071606088414,0.0,0.04529257566777157,0.0,0.1122331827061832,0.2473045823222615,0.08124287354325559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047990985622244915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507686366958545,0.0,0.05669984649515436,0.0,0.0,0.1310528004088572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813854242845753,0.0,0.0,0.0717848122475689,0.0,0.0,0.07728377329440744,0.0,0.09103861343217387
bpd,shaqcallsmedaddy,2019/08/29,Bpd fb group Anyone else a member of the bpd group on fb called BPD Banter Blues and Support? I've been a member for a while and just realized it's not on fb anymore? Or I was kicked out? Lol,-0.5207142857142877,1.5363721666666663,1.7336190476190474,97.59471428571429,89.23809523809523,4.312380952380953,15.542857142857144,5.6839178017228535,-0.8083771428571422,149,3,35,1,5,50,31,42,0.0,0.8490000000000001,0.151,0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272427069940526,0.15703244409951786,0.23011004847043665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8485567342095348,0.0,0.2293225839384133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187608831463708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254852161094944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nygalex,2019/07/09,"Having trouble taking my meds I’m not sure if this is the right place for this but I’m not sure where else to ask. My meds are what keep me from extreme emotional duress and they help me with a multitude of other symptoms that I experience with BPD. I started off by missing a dose here and there, mainly because I have to take so many pills throughout the day that I just get tired or busy or I forget about it. Lately I’ve barely been taking them at all, just enough of one of the types of meds that I’m taking so I don’t get withdrawal symptoms. 

The problem I’m having is that one of the positive effects of my meds is that they give me motivation, but I now have no motivation to take them. I can feel my mood swings returning and in general my whole affect has changed, and yet I’m still not motivated to take them. I use an app to remind me to take the pills and certain times and I even tried using one of those daily pill organizers to help me, but I still end up not taking them or missing doses. 

I know it’s all on me to start taking them, but do you guys have any advice or ways to give me motivation to start taking them again? I feel like I’m in a self-destructive rut that I cant get out of.  :/",3.60110004631774,4.141066618110236,4.963830477072719,86.08624131542383,71.79527559055119,8.023714682723483,25.17739694302918,8.124751697461798,1.2376135247799902,947,26,210,13,17,317,132,254,0.113,0.772,0.115,0.3403,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,8,5,14,9,0,0,10,0,15,8,0,8,5,44,48,17,0,2,15,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,13,9,0,1,8,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,1,2,35,4,31,47,5,24,0,2,0,0,15,10,0,5,14,145,48,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530619170758294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936535274650941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161145957093784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053215798790429335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994825487533044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923492718374624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056299721689237615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292593218713825,0.09819803548187003,0.07731975081757171,0.09020174352447533,0.0,0.05765923291433424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539379121513417,0.0,0.0,0.08828056600912841,0.06236541362162616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682815845433022,0.16748760025511047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643833607303429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702746487256735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759410643971204,0.0,0.0,0.04797647080602509,0.0,0.09847548059220992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264919145449818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885060513567384,0.0,0.0,0.3878717574603571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746531276535188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120739810868726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353200099710073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455166234310125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107042217516967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853690442675553,0.0,0.13943193154818306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645538853144421,0.18147123715963395,0.6563692113255369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090392502947379,0.10033573430440958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059269331233545976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507941726059481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929276122122004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746463834948324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,everythingistaken007,2019/07/09,"My entire family makes me want to kill myself. I’m not going to do it, because I know they’d be screwed without me. But I am sick and tired of no one wanting to help me around this goddamn house!",2.6157142857142865,3.365279619047623,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,74.23809523809524,6.552380952380951,25.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.8234190476190473,152,5,34,1,3,51,36,42,0.373,0.5529999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,9,10,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,6,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783399730545025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059893797117555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947546779234784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769589586112874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095741398716157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360775808260271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459197768936377,0.0,0.1718336394656929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870769074067874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118712920386957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593647907887436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688382663389447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013998887104274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stamosface,2019/07/09,"Realized on what I’ve been calling “quiet benders,” I’ve used skipping a dose of my nighttime antipsychotic as a form of self harm Sometimes it feels like it’s the only way I can get in touch with what’s really there or at worst just get super tripped out. I think I’m punishing myself for things I shouldn’t be. I’m not sure how to talk about this easily. Does anyone have any experience or guidance with this? It’s seroquel I’m skipping and boy does it show, look at the free associating all over this bitch",2.3770873786407805,4.617704815533983,3.7784563106796116,86.31836407766991,78.51456310679612,6.838446601941747,23.89223300970874,7.908726449838941,1.2900726213592228,408,14,83,7,10,134,76,103,0.16,0.727,0.113,-0.7361,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,4,0,5,1,0,2,2,16,14,5,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,10,4,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,5,5,14,11,3,8,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,2,1,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199021657627045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768433738002417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25825350719598605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426535527322225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473984566060431,0.0,0.0,0.12788093530092345,0.1806818371222911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642742892674461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356102230847545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238409135342048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235252034302253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620232070403542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638444969826409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501384475875324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383684848513071,0.0,0.0,0.2032827211012616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802484672421492,0.16205710139221924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843652235740707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007513887855432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,missKittyBo,2019/07/09,"Think my meds aren’t working. Wanting advice please. Hi. 
I’ve been on meds to help balance my mood and make me sleep. 
It’s the first time I have fully committed to taking meds and it’s definitely made an improvement to how I can handle stress and keeps dark ruminating thoughts to a bearable amount 
Well at least until these last two months. 
I’m really struggling and I’m scared to death the meds are becoming ineffective and I don’t want to go back to the way I was.  
Has this happened to anyone else? Was it just a glitch for you? 
I have had a lot of upheaval lately maybe it’s just that? 
Like I said I’m just a bit scared and wondered if anyone else had got through this?",1.7583540372670825,3.99266241304348,2.8760248447205012,91.99956521739132,80.66666666666667,5.971842650103519,21.45134575569358,7.1686216300943375,0.5334041407867502,535,16,115,7,14,171,90,138,0.12,0.7390000000000001,0.14,-0.264,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,6,8,0,4,8,0,12,1,1,3,1,21,28,9,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,2,9,1,10,2,14,19,4,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,8,69,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656533824185687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811266382109385,0.26541686806831194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959280120718723,0.0,0.0,0.1430445434812236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414021753501591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163944981978938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016955291350798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360913870483861,0.0,0.10358888850638526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453401165131227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681445261298007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512322998523712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557599775732993,0.14610407826439825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327687632198507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011317944734747,0.0,0.12255485229518655,0.08645553281941508,0.0,0.1301201389229782,0.0,0.5754696018515362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338154111121856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217394595908575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829737585659376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232030758674247,0.0,0.25934401115281946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961342847414606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836459726128404,0.13540231160351796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738283890074644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299111621376948,0.0,0.10282432574968138,0.07552408987237416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652211329438928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527883746274787,0.1028068606290434,0.0,0.0,0.11645393650502656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045879657843918,0.09429202304629504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aliswhone,2019/07/09,"r/BorderlineBipolar, a subreddit for those with BPD and bipolar! r/BorderlineBipolar is a new subreddit for those with BPD and bipolar symptoms. I’ve noticed that BPD is often comorbid with bipolar, so I thought I’d make a subreddit dedicated for those people with these specific struggles. It’s new and I’m hoping you guys will come join!",6.058032786885249,8.474316114754103,6.384393442622951,71.01921311475411,68.18032786885246,10.125901639344264,36.790163934426225,10.355215969177356,4.533200655737705,277,15,44,8,5,89,37,61,0.043,0.809,0.14800000000000002,0.7256,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,12,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7447054556009935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978050539045353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951557440047616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576051576772094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156291943397766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807125371359616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243947765014928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664135128331795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604723412990808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048579132378809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647198095135084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SocialAnxGuy,2019/07/09,"Yes there is cure for ""bpd""! you cannot cure bpd but only treat it blah blah blah..""

In my poor opinion Bpd should nt  even considered as a mental disorder. It is not like lets say bipolar disorder. We have mood changes BUT we do not experiencing ""mania"" (for example). 

Lets dig deeper.

1. ""FEAR OF ABANDONMENT"". Is there anybody on this planet who likes getting abandoned by the people who really loves?? Is there any ""normal"" people in this planet who become happy when his/her partner does not respond to his texts/calls? Is there anybody who does not become upset when his/her friends ignore them?

2. ""IDEALIZATION/DEVALUATION"". Who the hell does not idealize those who treat him/her nicely? In the other hand, who the hell do not devaluate those who treat him/her like a shit? 

3.""IMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR"" Who the hell does not become impulsive? Everybody would like the idea of having sex in public (extreme example but..), spent money in the casino, driving fast,  and so on!

I am not going to write about all of the ""9 traits of bpd blah blah"". I think you got my idea.

So:
1)that means that more or less EVERYBODY in this planet has those ""9 traits of bpd"". The great difference between ""normal"" people an us- ""people with bpd""-is that we are experiencing those traits/behaviors/emotions/triggers way way more intensive than the formals. 

2.Even the therapist, who deny the idea of CURE, are claiming that there is RECOVERY/TREATMENT which it means: being aware of bpd' harmful behaviors, coping skills to control them, avoiding them and so on.

3. Controling bpd' behaviors/traits. This means do what everybody in this planet does.

4. Then.  What the therapists call ""treatment of bpd"" actually means ""cure of bpd"".

Conclusion.

 I strongly believe that people with ""bpd"" have been convinced by the therapists/sites/books that there is no cure for the ""disorder"" just because they told them that having those 9 traits is something abnormal. So, they think that being cured by bpd means  disappear these 9 traits. 

So, if getting cured is meaning being a ""normal"" person who can control himself/herself, then, yes, there is a cure for bpd who they just call it ""treatment"". 

TREATMENT=CURE

I know that you may find it mind blowing(also my english are not the best) but btw I will appreciate any opinion!

Thanks!",4.146547449820891,7.080657046454767,4.304864957070564,81.1401108773526,76.33496332518337,7.325433558878718,27.115539887416844,8.356213837460157,2.2792317166088587,1808,72,303,36,43,561,191,409,0.158,0.708,0.133,-0.8998,0,1,1,0,0,0,112.0,4,3,7,8,18,29,4,3,21,2,34,5,2,3,1,57,51,18,0,7,17,0,1,9,2,4,1,1,0,2,40,7,0,7,14,1,4,3,11,11,0,0,4,4,23,17,35,38,5,20,3,2,0,2,38,10,4,5,9,195,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0462057223145892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03786491959183047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439778766788579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028863466252076662,0.15687950864023814,0.0,0.05334602619920208,0.04968977739671571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7752461038001804,0.0,0.09669709621837004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050088886226844216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593175424346007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049469550717770525,0.16279791642159394,0.0,0.20717682426026085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254703908128961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328070634596692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04327606122456712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658166333030507,0.0,0.049475719913345616,0.0,0.026909486211806014,0.0,0.03786926210529957,0.05220235886594333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040381294387695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035352480943182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026021731844275003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683497111965414,0.0,0.09252917563621396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273425499093531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094611720739876,0.0,0.0,0.04771658154802677,0.0,0.047808918326138934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917568517168633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03601099239542936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641289200112665,0.04134325647925461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030332934895827682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03765376697504542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860299285641622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03645151704884115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359253019547087,0.0,0.1099515066818316,0.0,0.06067856075349025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524392857528554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695492892539637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516674823949418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03363531903529543,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SarahLovesRoses,2019/07/09,"In Love w/ Toxic Partner I have BPD, Bipolar 2, & PTSD. I feel this combination makes healthy romantic relationships almost impossible for me. For two years now my ex and I have been on/off. He is a serial cheater and liar. I could tell you stories of extravagant lies he's told me so he could see other women, but it would be an essay. The thing about me is i'm totally open to polyamory, but my partner didn't want that. He wanted me to be monogamous to him while he slept around. Honestly, while we were together I did also hook up with others because I already knew he wasn't being faithful. But here's the problem, he currently has a girlfriend, one of the girls he cheated with, and we keep seeing each other. Just last night I saw him and we hooked up twice and cuddled all night long. The physical chemistry is still incredible. I still get butterflies after two years. My biggest problem is I make excuses for his behavior. I tell myself it's because he was abused as a child, because his mom passed away, because his parents used to cheat, because they didn't treat him well, etc. I will defend his bad choices in a heartbeat. Somehow i've settled into this sidechick role and i'm content with it because I get the validation I need. I don't know how to end this toxic cycle because i'm truly addicted to him and all my loved ones do not understand it. Any thoughts, comments or reactionsare appreciated.",4.166633366633366,6.023490373626371,5.1989960039960055,79.8903221778222,72.00366300366302,8.040559440559441,31.45670995670996,8.710501217029153,2.67928717948718,1124,52,207,21,22,369,167,273,0.141,0.7759999999999999,0.083,-0.9398,2,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,3,1,1,0,12,12,3,0,10,0,23,6,1,4,3,46,47,17,0,8,6,3,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,12,17,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,6,1,5,12,4,36,6,24,28,5,24,1,0,3,3,40,9,0,3,14,139,48,0,0.0,0.1345028903166809,0.0,0.12375378918718748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367409609759885,0.0,0.12527237871870214,0.09078207391246884,0.0,0.12299910415676192,0.0,0.07719763811576691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105705790966606,0.0,0.0,0.10665597766367448,0.0,0.09478463672864444,0.4844060804666249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297473523940155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127330689168875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054521478720826,0.0,0.1266050460310455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739923096665572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861925260802644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090198190899144,0.0,0.0,0.06238774066027849,0.0925341255374775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046181688523644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491285004700768,0.0,0.15155124833789851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329535023199797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417380007724178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306206104567052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538484695100382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605076314437674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724702661483708,0.13269905498853274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187822580047715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092182567496226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813147786622377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984433408257578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541778579086211,0.0,0.0,0.09012236937696293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847342902844062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178550737943908,0.11817854600650825,0.0,0.09804501639624252,0.0,0.0,0.1339143265398567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206830537996417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064150278535025,0.0,0.0,0.14620659148159218
bpd,RusevReigns,2019/07/09,"The edge I'm relatively new to thinking about BPD but... if we're on the edge of psychosis and neurosis, is there a way to get off the edge (Hopefully in the right direction)

I was never a normal person with struggles to connect to real people, but my life changed 3 years ago when I started having some symptoms like being unable to connect to tv shows/movies/etc., seeing people lips move out of order, street lights being too blurry, etc. It's like I just slipped onto the edge and have been trying everything I can since to be the person I was before",11.171666666666667,6.949433203703705,10.564074074074076,67.41333333333334,59.55555555555557,12.651851851851852,39.96296296296296,9.516144504307137,3.824585185185184,438,14,79,5,4,143,78,108,0.033,0.902,0.064,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,8,0,10,3,1,0,1,14,16,6,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,6,3,16,10,2,16,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,3,8,53,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394409363075965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573760227327366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329338987254253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956490892733652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125289257706031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621817169739128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662701919894573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369380730859186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063332622463536,0.18071123464847985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965690766654044,0.0,0.0,0.1426422993622993,0.1786226787418129,0.0,0.0,0.18120850155274448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564375145272496,0.3229766555849785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210509838599518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579434742800674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737857758024656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298982434367486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090622867156212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933464507604688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922304397921112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850637979924285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556667147407502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680208469893855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909961335524613
bpd,smoochiepook,2019/07/09,"My partner has BPD, and I’m not entirely sure if I go the best way about it My girlfriend and I have been dating for roughly five years, but I’d like to disclaim that this is a LDR. Naturally, there have been difficulties when it comes to communication and we often misinterpret the attitude or intentions of each other over text. I always prefer voice call whenever we get into an argument, but she’s uncomfortable with it most of the time. With all of that out of the way, I sometimes feel like I confront her (we’ll call her T) too honestly and matter-of-factly, and I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing here. She’s unmedicated.

I can immediately tell when she starts or begins to start an “episode,” is what I call it. I’ll let T get everything off of her chest, even if it’s incredibly selfish or self-centered, until she’s finished. I don’t encourage her when she goes into an episode, meaning I refuse to argue with her when she’s foggy-headed and unsound. Often I’ll tell her when she goes into an episode, and I think from doing this, she’s become much more aware of when she is/does go into an episode too. I don’t humor her when she says stuff that’s blatantly untrue or whenever she’s trying to get some sort of reaction out of me, because I am not putting my energy into random, inaccurate negativity. I tell her I’ll resume talking to her about the matter once she’s come down (because we’ll only continue arguing and get nowhere otherwise), and so far, she always does. 

She tells me that she appreciates how I respond to the situation once she’s in her right mind, so, I think that’s a good thing. I’ve kind of “taught” her how to be more communicative and upfront, too, and I typically can tell whenever she’s hiding or holding something back and I will have none of that passive aggressive shit. 

Of course, she’s also in constant need of reassurance. This hurts my feelings, but I know she can’t really help but constantly doubt and question the relationship, even though I feel so confident and sure about it. I feel like I’m doing something wrong if she needs reassurance. I’d love if she was as determined about our relationship as I am, and sometimes she is. Other times she’s not, but those times are upsetting as hell. What I do is I tell her how her doubt makes me feel, and then I’ll reassure her a bit, even though I don’t really.. want to, because it’s a repetitive cycle and it becomes exhausting.

Thoughts about whether I’m dealing with this correctly or not, please??",5.463551652083062,5.969031131578947,6.533340733968919,76.60461342562364,67.64372469635627,10.017918244743374,31.522528405380697,10.011982343527217,2.9987448870314743,1985,77,389,45,31,666,217,494,0.16399999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.125,-0.9628,0,0,2,0,0,0,61.0,5,0,0,1,32,30,6,3,18,0,29,4,2,5,5,93,60,56,0,9,22,0,6,3,2,3,1,2,0,1,27,33,0,2,13,0,0,5,11,14,0,1,5,8,74,16,48,50,10,44,1,1,0,1,69,14,2,21,26,272,101,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656383025333194,0.1365920984298848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631134498433989,0.06853228168266183,0.15010323146885698,0.1812989395005104,0.0,0.0,0.08613652628177286,0.0,0.08960867646592234,0.0,0.1033752427303394,0.0,0.25143457284843684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140705555691446,0.0,0.17739582005755375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461953021864964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182761888986731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626366113292955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376703837197016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750727125940602,0.11727407185177928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715309213241598,0.0,0.0932944274556334,0.13768742990953325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423642051232401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501561894290848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786694031640961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854723299670192,0.09021660817702873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393102637841675,0.0,0.12029851289210515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407922657351207,0.0,0.05478816609376287,0.0,0.0,0.08940776077113569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287608368667773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033728473319595,0.1217206242760286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482226228912048,0.0,0.06242454596117075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900977590605144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251175850628023,0.0919469227060834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516342719742026,0.0,0.0,0.1762436021241228,0.0,0.07009475684181689,0.0,0.06527227245876377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562597931715793,0.0,0.08425260065315214,0.0,0.09225989185582212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637637843374705,0.16235585569908792,0.0,0.1161914451943954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939604683272968,0.0,0.0,0.15471639687132194,0.0,0.0,0.065971745750291,0.4304423818319928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905887532172284,0.10518542680025417,0.16128380170123238,0.06516131534831753,0.14358224089547306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055726045944795084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048412140746222534,0.13030049487954715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974016777423746,0.0,0.052855988360032816
bpd,user1024852,2019/07/09,"I promise I don’t hate you, but I’m exhausted after dealing with myself all day. Just because I say I need alone time, and don’t want to talk doesn’t mean I hate you. I know I’m usually a super excitable person, but right now I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. 
My brain has been going so fast all day and I need a second to just shut down and stop thinking. Give me a minute to look at my phone and participate in calming methods. It may be a few hours but I’ll come back.",1.0004761904761883,2.38261838095238,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333336,79.47619047619048,5.80952380952381,21.19047619047619,6.42735559955562,0.12319047619047607,370,10,88,3,9,126,68,105,0.14800000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.155,-0.0644,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,2,0,4,0,8,2,1,0,2,23,24,9,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,3,14,4,10,21,3,17,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,2,10,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879949703512625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421400335046493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759561251655118,0.0,0.11700928219648347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427664873393715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534558822938195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475802364129593,0.19788922051439234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841333243896228,0.10908806442098937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790164062141061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902940903225704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548920694474558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611873746578254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908686258622025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28465295654879263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760096386395196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392193099786234,0.0,0.15264418373267033,0.0,0.0,0.15295713314393716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047652351432246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085599106675612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299206852833873,0.0,0.0,0.1119260043833739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114028142430025,0.0,0.226430961527404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notinfantry,2019/07/09,"Any advice on explaining BPD to your partner? without hurting their feelings... (26M) First time caller - long time listener.   


Last night I finally spilled - I told my SO sometimes I am on the edge of loving them madly/hating them at the same time. Explained to my SO, again, how my past abuse effects my current cognitive behavior.  No one wants to hear that their SO hates them(sometimes) - >!hate being the best word to describe it without turning into a poet - I use the word creeped out too as that somehow should make it better....!<

​

I've told my SO multiple times to read about it, sometimes I am able to explain -the best I can- what's going on with me at the moment. The rest of the times I've found the best thing to do is just stay quiet and deal with myself - by myself. 

Sometimes the smallest things piss me off - simple texts like ""How are you today"" ""how did you sleep"" ETC I loathe these questions from anyone. I also can't stand when my SO knows I'm not feeling well and says ""wish I there was something I could do""   


I don't want my SO thinking this is their battle - I know I am in the wrong with my emotions but it seems totally unmanageable at times.  


I am NEVER verbally abusive or manipulative - if I am going through something in my head I either just tell my SO that I'm busy right now or straight up I'm feeling anxious/depressed and don't want to interact. I feel like this is a huge improvement compared to past relationships. As I see this is the only sustainable option I have in order to maintain a healthy relationship.  


Would just like to add my SO is 100% an amazing person - not 1 red flag - I hate people - the fact I trust them means a lot to me and I'm trying to not let my other side take over yet another relationship that I should be able to enjoy and cherish.",2.9789961048158635,5.103094175637395,3.955246990084986,86.35329541430595,76.08215297450425,6.452160056657224,26.611986543909346,7.413659706084162,1.4387451133144469,1416,55,274,18,32,456,206,353,0.057999999999999996,0.773,0.16899999999999998,0.9933,1,0,2,0,1,0,58.0,0,3,6,5,24,18,4,0,18,0,27,4,3,7,3,62,62,24,0,9,13,0,4,3,1,3,0,4,0,2,16,11,0,0,15,1,0,2,10,6,1,2,5,10,48,12,41,50,9,44,0,1,2,1,28,18,1,8,24,198,64,1,0.1675086194403563,0.1984703228246689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184374212260452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697829122362782,0.0,0.09074775958963203,0.10177065367604736,0.05695580266737984,0.08782369641439887,0.0,0.09461853026735316,0.0,0.05856296074104676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263684942463144,0.07407388072571193,0.0,0.0,0.10548562113395864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687100116135361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634701568210511,0.07213746423559719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421232541330446,0.0,0.0,0.093408194789913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693947821198169,0.05983409559899765,0.0,0.09174875242013872,0.0,0.07124137306207459,0.0,0.0918322776049188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519900866560434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480701234211315,0.08595608489184205,0.0,0.09439719413246056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966072080328656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205835651556683,0.06827094096075331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564445621697732,0.0,0.12275437540705235,0.0,0.0,0.07411992850793361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120491904163669,0.07559153450903361,0.0,0.05590665210109241,0.0,0.0,0.09123299670252356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459648694561533,0.0,0.0,0.0785977459998479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567540878449652,0.06369892665593575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990593125118724,0.0580646927088995,0.07313103269333493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382399496084308,0.0,0.0837769748258607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697623533921784,0.0,0.07152572287525864,0.0,0.06660478874132722,0.0,0.0,0.06674134113994762,0.07624677797736673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381479608100498,0.0,0.0,0.12895631897589308,0.33134061562164163,0.0,0.0,0.08927095029620617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297281755712154,0.0,0.07320495831606946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128528359050284,0.05366637981788718,0.0,0.0,0.2930268691929178,0.0,0.07938929248034172,0.1600616642994433,0.0,0.05686367852272056,0.09110063832008036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233683235243801,0.0,0.0,0.14820138561690066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530518292667522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631332277698028,0.1614723315814791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059496658596673975,0.09157218970720588,0.10177065367604736,0.0
bpd,ifonlyifonlyx,2019/07/09,"My FP, who was I just getting over, was on the homepage of Reddit Haven’t thought about him in a month or so. Even started to move on. 

Then, another subreddit my main account is subscribed too... by sheer coincidence, so is he. 

His face is just staring at me on my homepage, I’m like, “is that?” And my brain is like yup, it’s a sign, LET’S VAMP UP THE OBSESSION AGAIN. 

Ugh I don’t know what to do 

I miss him. It didn’t end badly, he moved away and we said we’d see how it goes when he moves back after summer. I can’t just let go of him until I know how it will end. 

I’ve just slept solidly for an hour, because I had to sleep or I would have done something impulsive. 

This is so random, but holy shit how random.",-0.2626661573720384,1.7034504415584415,1.888395721925132,97.65847593582892,86.79220779220779,4.922230710466005,19.44843391902216,6.2272716619740125,-0.1874426279602748,544,16,132,5,17,182,101,154,0.084,0.8909999999999999,0.024,-0.8279,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,0,16,7,1,1,5,1,21,5,5,3,0,20,32,14,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,4,4,5,0,0,8,3,18,2,18,19,1,24,0,1,2,0,11,8,1,4,14,91,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970348913836426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161014119640348,0.13177816000340667,0.1430924470676976,0.10446969017756452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131315640353524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537793955469452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30357790716733274,0.0,0.0,0.11319274229366368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953729059286668,0.0,0.0973973694923962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877160021276924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883683851352736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504887231101645,0.0,0.1674520694548466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679130520298866,0.5464391642690919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301855603794072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656509987953616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759157947651858,0.0,0.0,0.17150053928620204,0.0,0.0,0.13193421259030744,0.0,0.0,0.12130136202224685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605401481473814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174114252088615,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,groselha1143,2019/07/09,"My FP/bf just sent me a meme telling me indirectly that I am his favorite person and I could die happy rn tbh I have extreme jealousy issues and I always feel I will never be as important to him as other people, but this made me feel so ecstatic and I wanted to share my happiness with people who would  understand :)",3.5604761904761917,5.183741238095241,5.4319365079365065,78.56028571428574,73.12698412698413,8.214603174603175,26.885714285714286,8.841846274778883,2.2326723809523816,250,9,46,5,5,86,49,63,0.073,0.633,0.295,0.9613,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,15,12,7,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,13,3,5,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,36,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208495373330842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006077361456215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26005342295406786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533927305454057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334755623756202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615313102432363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370965986062038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325601421668884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474291439126143,0.2187891720143086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901033839461329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608535337509218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779342984924151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799864424956588,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bisshhh,2019/07/09,"Alcoholic or just lacking skills? New here and just read a bunch of stuff. I have done DBT twice now back to back and I graduated in April. I’ve been sober for almost 11 months, pretty much when I started my second round of DBT and it was because every weekend I would get hammered, because I didn’t want to deal with real life. I had years of continuous trauma through my relationship with my parents, getting kicked out, my best friend dying by suicide, a 3 year relationship break up, and it wasn’t until after that all happened that i was diagnosed with bpd. DBT really shed a light on what my life could be but I was in a cycle that when the weekend came I just wanted to do something fun to escape my problems and so I would drink to excess and then hate myself the following day. I convinced myself I was an alcoholic and started going to AA. For the first 3 months I did 90 meetings In 90 days and got a sponsor. For the past 8 months I have done maybe 1 meeting a fortnight, I am up to step 8 this weekend, slowly going through it and everything in my life has improved significantly. I have gained massive knowledge and skills, and made real connections in my life and have real goals and fucking love myself. I committed to going to the gym at least 4 times a week, eat well (mostly), quit smoking, sleep well, listen to my body, do mindfulness everyday, practice my skills effectively in situations in my life like arguing with my boyfriend. I even have done drugs on the odd occasion at a party or festival and had full control over how little or how much I want. I am in serious control in my life and it’s got me wondering, did I need to break this habit of drinking for a while in order to do proper therapy and now I’d be able to moderate my drinking ? I have a goal that I would like to complete the 12 steps of AA, and also want to get at least a year up of sobriety. And when I think of drinking again, it wouldn’t be the same as I don’t enjoy going out frequently anymore, and I really enjoy being healthy and happy. I’m wondering if anyone has had a period of time off drinking, to focus on their therapy and recovery and then been able to drink again in moderation ? My only fear is if I try again and I can’t control it, that I would have to start at day 1 again in the fellowship although I enjoy keeping my distance from it anyway as I find a lot of people can be one minded and unintentionally invalidating (classic bpd thoughts and feelings) 
Thank you in advance :)",6.166994773519164,5.9989183069105705,7.0441579558652725,75.85609756097561,66.13414634146342,9.874099883855985,33.42508710801394,9.516144504307137,3.0033087108013934,1965,78,375,35,28,658,236,492,0.05,0.773,0.17600000000000002,0.9964,1,0,10,0,0,1,43.0,0,1,1,14,23,22,3,1,23,0,45,21,2,7,2,80,78,45,2,15,9,1,2,2,1,5,10,1,0,0,16,32,9,4,8,11,0,9,5,7,4,4,21,4,53,15,70,46,12,83,0,0,1,2,12,29,1,10,44,281,69,4,0.13500834297639738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428285998285093,0.0675956767880621,0.0,0.0,0.053983061550527074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694599920431726,0.04720048625471328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381308218117953,0.0,0.08229983277627721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084146330044326,0.0,0.0,0.07498191679725655,0.1700382817876743,0.0,0.0,0.07720678886602274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707768394847685,0.0,0.2271350049606693,0.053896588068900464,0.0,0.0,0.13060381838734644,0.06959383670610958,0.0,0.06851531310887486,0.07005867247052737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072406131405247,0.0,0.3967703337116752,0.07828340777026227,0.06907361986731411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458586862095133,0.0,0.056875175909850424,0.0,0.0606683966394884,0.0,0.0,0.07596096020102089,0.03413213737784313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061697589799034586,0.05741901378333983,0.0,0.0,0.05215355544044487,0.062406518793111924,0.10580443041195667,0.0,0.1534567051639429,0.0,0.10797850512507076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059693715911064225,0.07185944578415585,0.0,0.0666463939128069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000080924803716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860811559458241,0.06595825684345258,0.06765691381333233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738963262725012,0.060925150306916524,0.06387407924471737,0.0,0.0,0.06781701343722622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363199398538226,0.0,0.1616435569635541,0.0,0.09924666634669216,0.0500534878162482,0.0,0.06519594946841963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574257362209295,0.05133996427124194,0.0,0.0,0.07495539385754432,0.0,0.0644403699417015,0.04679889294206429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867601059121359,0.0,0.06459237547671269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179899563040938,0.06752243907569246,0.23050357709241995,0.08648980159687894,0.0,0.0,0.1449484348947557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587751706664908,0.06755292219353662,0.0,0.0,0.0519680091670453,0.0,0.0,0.14333940006423276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727612612245753,0.07383860723770759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214877163486807,0.15439380628727084,0.0,0.0,0.043253947390657986,0.0,0.053590771872504134,0.07872445049787151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583090135029489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926283726605972,0.0,0.05414777457897782,0.0,0.12138871418595805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464107888875687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191812106543675,0.0,0.0,0.13041141968160366
bpd,boopcicle,2019/07/09,"I experience many symptoms associated with BPD, looking for some advice on where to go from here. I'm not diagnosed with any mental illnesses/disorders, so I'm not going to claim that I have anything. But, as I said in the title, I experience many symptoms of BPD (fear of abandonment, unclear self-image, impulsive behaviour, mood swings, feelings of emptiness, explosive anger, splitting, dissociation). Sussing out these sorts of communities has already helped a little..I feel less hopeless about it all I guess. Now I ask myself, where do I go from here? How do I work on these issues I've mentioned? How have you all started trying to improve yourselves? I guess the first step is to get assessed by a doctor..I'm kinda scared though, and embarrassed to ask a parent to take me. I'm 19 but the thought of going there by myself scares me.",4.923466533466534,7.206376701298705,5.65727272727273,75.60206293706295,70.94805194805195,8.115084915084916,31.326673326673326,8.841846274778883,2.908793806193806,668,30,111,13,13,217,103,154,0.11800000000000001,0.868,0.013999999999999999,-0.9021,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,0,2,11,8,1,4,6,0,6,3,0,2,2,22,25,8,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,7,0,1,2,4,14,0,24,23,4,14,0,2,1,0,7,6,0,6,3,74,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028029561377152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471236682152271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066323968068517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971229272605076,0.0,0.2492753425172073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33582770161578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531858758470974,0.0,0.0,0.15279807014661995,0.13646027664898713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608281565592253,0.0,0.15002383233141875,0.1348227837440546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340325969643845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965501790234664,0.0,0.3030788834780675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937374812605328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936263835801424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139153081492623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119565412617567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703342935267513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435678542072313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480378264132126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681934380692667,0.0,0.2669563002635473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908347430773207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436569374941277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771443191790307,0.10024122888569624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098776603231066,0.10584243475379104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051659486108003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705969112188777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marysheIIey,2019/07/09,do you guys ever feel so much empathy that it ruins your day? like it affects me soooooo much whenever i see a homeless person it literally ruins my day because of how upset i get about not being able to help them all,4.4221969696969685,5.3003865227272735,6.220909090909089,76.58469696969699,70.13636363636363,8.593939393939394,30.57575757575757,8.841846274778883,2.581812121212121,173,7,32,3,3,60,38,44,0.16899999999999998,0.726,0.105,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,3,4,3,3,0,2,1,0,6,0,0,0,4,24,11,0,0.3225893969936825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966475022408176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160869478119296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29180057817230565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631108918468671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853964554284426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31941422045649265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622487291221693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576008847512749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742806488041966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816726186017931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570619836139408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,keeponkeeping12,2019/07/09,"Bpd sucks. Bpd in relationships is hard. My partner now has begun to give up because they have realised I need a lot of reassurance now they just leave me suffer until I'm happy again and won't really interact me when I'm in distress. I guess there was an expiration date to the kindness. I am trying to get better,  I just can't become as good as they want me to be straight away. I have years and years of abuse, bullying ect to undo and thought processes/ emotional responses to override, that can't happen suddenly. I'm so tired. Now they often don't even respond to me, I could talk for 10 minutes trying to get them to respond and they won't. It hurts so much, I wish people understand how strong my emotions are which means that when they hurt me it hurts physically from the pain...",4.561293706293707,5.707700141025644,5.522960372960373,80.72506993006994,70.02564102564102,8.74965034965035,28.925407925407924,9.095868883498916,2.3395974358974363,626,23,122,12,11,206,100,156,0.168,0.6729999999999999,0.16,-0.5205,0,0,0,1,1,0,17.0,0,0,7,2,14,13,1,1,4,0,14,2,0,1,0,18,29,12,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,1,21,6,20,23,2,17,0,4,0,0,15,5,1,3,12,84,26,0,0.0,0.16536640407841954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311296393570713,0.0,0.0,0.08507994719548934,0.15414295929900046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123437409859669,0.0,0.0,0.35156445761034666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143446377064474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139926060830209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921839867706024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458380501123426,0.13388727135076664,0.0,0.11706382818896414,0.0,0.0,0.15375095291772112,0.0,0.12342037708440698,0.14857376124767535,0.12502638079946685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482343992381234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533960226788736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778338448363154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186565451905123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203152172350282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259925017173133,0.10348862097770836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485112218333629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675954873788982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941145449000107,0.0,0.0,0.14984483893713788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218024935046553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080217024189226,0.0,0.1604139967917776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895163348583976,0.0,0.0,0.14529621739949086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232139317727727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049742476151932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975567832741887
bpd,SquareBackground,2019/07/09,"Anyone else hurt over ex for a long time? Just curious how I compare to others in this regard. 2 years later from a 1 month relationship, I'm fine now, but it took me about this long to get over it. How pathetic am I?",1.419347826086959,2.9728046304347875,3.77326086956522,88.49293478260874,78.78260869565217,7.208695652173913,20.195652173913047,8.07648339933343,0.7362782608695655,167,4,38,3,4,58,37,46,0.163,0.772,0.065,-0.7622,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,8,3,0,11,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509829349770967,0.31519778620587713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569809043242607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607211721174199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293185282048774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5444762332534964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24554304426816764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302737266600985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937839524848284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417822822292512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810017545688224
bpd,tittycage,2019/07/09,Suicidal I literally lost everyone including possibly my fiancé I have nothing I started self harm tonight after three+ yrs being clean I want to end it. I can’t be hospitalized. Please. I just,2.197714285714288,4.65707162857143,4.565714285714286,71.23428571428573,104.14285714285714,8.857142857142858,30.714285714285715,8.418075326091056,4.371,157,9,24,6,7,54,30,35,0.179,0.58,0.24100000000000002,0.09,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,7,0,2,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28858712518871577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31134286309826936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556800326570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126410007017237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357661582338509,0.0,0.3673224037286381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399099330682542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306229176827449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35640322963175763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218194818873105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uninterested_vhs,2019/07/09,"Fighting against splitting I’m in my first actual relationship right now and This is my first actual time that I’ve cared about someone, so naturally they became my fp.

Anyway my body keeps freaking out that I care about someone this much and I keep splitting on him literally for no reason. He doesn’t do anything and I just stop giving a shit about him, and then I push through the split and I have a temporary spike where I care about him with such an extreme intensity that I can’t focus and then that freaks me out and I start to split.

This cycle is exhausting!!! And I don’t have the slightest clue how to stop it. I know it’s not the relationship, my bf has been nothing but supportive and patient with me. I’m literally just so tired.",3.6631632653061255,5.463307782312928,4.599744897959186,83.90329081632655,73.21768707482994,7.8931972789115665,27.215986394557824,8.59863814320734,1.9151047619047623,592,22,119,11,12,192,87,147,0.153,0.7929999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9046,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,14,9,2,0,6,0,10,4,2,2,0,24,21,15,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,9,13,0,4,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,1,0,21,4,15,20,1,16,0,0,0,0,10,6,1,0,9,87,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.3071313718752496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949810984544527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747972059129302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813327739518317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26770943193522234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095899088578169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27974675113814473,0.0,0.0,0.08648377083565892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568149171540895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099610532444427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179758304784994,0.0,0.33790255708670536,0.0,0.13438897803813624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615330647966171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266669961388648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138386293062554,0.0,0.0,0.2631286230331678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785761070486038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176088430272172,0.18086809026228692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Inanition,2019/07/09,"I wish I could tell my friends how horrible I am feeling sometimes But it's so silly when I realize all I would be able to say is that, ""I'm feeling bad and I don't really have a good reason why"". They wouldn't be able to help and if I tell them how it makes me want to hurt myself, then they also just feel bad for no reason. Lose/lose situation.",1.5742543859649132,2.6749359868421076,3.789473684210528,90.45464912280704,77.28947368421053,7.171929824561403,21.87719298245614,7.793537801064563,0.7022087719298247,269,7,64,4,6,93,54,76,0.225,0.602,0.172,-0.8137,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,5,1,20,16,10,0,6,3,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,13,3,4,11,1,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,43,16,0,0.3745204962446445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497519527681569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127089706326991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495120706206035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28405322397464694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467680318017634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706501162270853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255165970397728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046596862351868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949631833247648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499766972130738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199637100198573,0.3850694464400611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489168653828798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048836478632266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852051736251228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32734742137690354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045094608827703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897324746202366,0.0,0.21534004376562216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330243075071047,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fissiparous-scorpio,2019/07/09,"Trying to make others jealous Depending on the person, no matter how much I like someone I will always jump at the opportunity to make others feel jealous and scared of losing me if/when it presents itself. I almost never feel remorse for doing it no matter how much it upsets others. Only regret or something like it but less genuine I feel is because my actions resulted in them leaving me or some other outcome that affects me negatively. It's ruined almost if not all my romantic relationships and some of my platonic friendships as well. It's happening again.. I know it's wrong and I'm going to face the consequences but I really feel I can't help it. I love how it feels..",4.224860139860141,6.345801500000004,5.902167832167834,73.79646853146855,72.46153846153847,7.804195804195802,28.74125874125874,8.575989854853784,2.570846153846154,545,22,88,10,11,186,83,130,0.23399999999999999,0.662,0.10300000000000001,-0.9628,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,5,13,2,2,3,0,4,2,1,8,2,32,16,12,0,2,6,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,15,3,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,8,1,0,0,5,15,5,10,15,6,9,0,3,0,1,5,3,0,8,5,71,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675782810018948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272026793296073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118844891275282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640175592739926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431020623780983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230411857552096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302322260275625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086897215266966,0.0,0.0,0.19434272139939468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933708056814354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533469527147394,0.0,0.0,0.1656523248507035,0.0,0.24502920744540985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698465400773124,0.0,0.1415576269119199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959070099032314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602603474458639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117580643118845,0.0,0.0,0.19705363961212308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183755901548901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551313644949302,0.14129832249927876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461184454095164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502481006812325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006725516976444,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deadmew,2019/07/09,"Self loathing and sudden okay-ness? Tw:menton of self harm

Does anyone else go through episodes of extreme self loathing? Extreme want for destructive self behaviour for maybe a week, wanting to cut and hurt to get the relief and then suddenly after the episode feel okay-ish?
I was on a phone call with my dad, telling him that ""bpd has no cure""  ""nobody wants me, I'm hated"". Thinking that it's too much for my boyfriend to handle, ""he'll leave me because I'm annoying and unexpected"" after a couple of hours and weeks before not being able to even take a picture of myself, I calmed down? And I feel okay? Like lowkey confident? And kind of present? 
I know this won't last for long but it's a nice feeling..
But at the same time completely exhausted",2.9783645320197034,5.3485054620689665,3.2603201970443334,90.13491379310348,77.13793103448276,6.349753694581281,26.219211822660107,7.447530270364453,1.3430591133004932,592,23,117,8,14,182,102,145,0.153,0.7509999999999999,0.096,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,2,13,4,0,8,1,4,1,0,0,0,20,19,10,0,3,3,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,3,10,6,20,15,2,16,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,13,63,15,0,0.14522456970653613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154439577824262,0.14879973351000245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852754976738154,0.0,0.12357541252528922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290526171831306,0.0,0.1482905227506613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226519832424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068822416482048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708699960129508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131649318004135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591945864563027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028971786113466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587384374859353,0.0,0.08253446966574668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337919664967302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430169478990683,0.0,0.15546590547683956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512290415904722,0.07981162556010649,0.11837740717594493,0.0,0.1537718505467101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709493891822536,0.0,0.0,0.1285191742395866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589759977907946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675676848745763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6060035940228146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919080299861764,0.0,0.1269326749555293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305404035683362,0.0,0.0,0.08468161446093447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25697164155531943,0.0,0.23298078001515235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,its_okay_tommy,2019/06/09,"Smoking marijuana heightens my emotions and makes me feel as though I'm out of place around other people, causing me to really freak out. It also gives me incredible insight into people's minds. Does anyone here relate or have any idea why this is? I never smoke bud. I hate it. It makes me go insane. Every 3 months or so I'll think ""it's not that bad"" and try it again and immediately remember why I never smoke it. It intensifies my emotions, and my emotions are intense anyway, so I literally can't handle the intensity of the emotions I feel when I'm stoned.

Story time. 

Yesterday I took 60mg adderal and .5 Alprazolam around 5 to write. At eleven, I take another 20 mg of addy and .5 Alprazolam to go out for my friends birthday. 

From 11 to 2, I have about 8 beers and I'm feeling good. Me and my friend ended up following this guy to this house party. I don't know anyone, but I'm feeling good and sociable, coming off as funny and charming and confident (at least I felt that way), so I'm having fun hanging around these new people. 

Then someone brought out what I thought was a bong w just regular bud. I took about half a hit and was done. Turns out it was dabs. I literally said to the guy I was talking with: ""Oh shit, this is gonna suck.""

About 7 minutes later, right on que, I'm high as fuck and I KNOW I'm sticking out like a sore thumb among all these people who don't know me. Everything is wrong. The world is dark and depraved. My life is pathetic. I take another .5 mg of xanax to try to calm down. 

Then I just walk out of the house party, mid-conversation, abruptly. I calm down once i'm outside, but my head's still going a million miles an hour. On my 15 minute walk home, I come to countless emotional epiphanies.

Some of these epiphanies hit me so hard that I just start crying. It wasn't sad. I just understood things now. I saw the big picture. I felt the magnitude of the love that we as humans have for one another for the simple reason of existing. My idea of the world appeared as one giant ecosystem of clueless souls trying to bring happiness to the other clueless souls that they love without the expectation of reciprocity. And I was no different. I realized how badly I wanted my loved ones to be happy and never suffer while at once knowing that was unattainable.

I was so overwhelmed by my thoughts and found it hilarious that a bit of weed can turn me into a bundle of nerves, a pressurized tank with no outlet. So I spent the walk home oscillating between laughing and crying. By the time I got home, I was still really worked up so I took another .5 mg of xanax to calm me down. I wrote while I waited for it to kick in. I had a hard time getting my thoughts on paper. 

Eventually, the xanax kicked in and I felt better. I was able to fall asleep. 

God, I wish I could just smoke.",2.446996174340754,4.515879120781527,4.079391651865009,85.09931428473836,77.50799289520427,6.959543653504577,24.68127476431207,7.9479579679613535,1.4308210411258373,2207,78,443,37,52,737,275,563,0.09300000000000001,0.72,0.187,0.9953,1,0,4,0,1,0,73.0,1,0,1,2,28,29,4,2,24,0,28,13,3,5,4,88,91,43,0,4,11,0,9,1,4,1,5,1,3,3,30,36,1,1,23,1,1,17,11,12,0,6,29,11,61,17,75,57,4,76,2,3,1,4,18,35,3,4,24,282,91,2,0.06569683622598274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052537736194305226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467610147417599,0.27555544398246723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187351083346787,0.0,0.0,0.17545233833773755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970822818002636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058103512845114585,0.07172392982736989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748874783050406,0.0,0.11318401442650672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524535779262298,0.0,0.14432977941694347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863921099734174,0.0,0.0,0.05749174410452424,0.06723067291352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36950049100910254,0.05818789704213365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535241800170281,0.0,0.05904408024345916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287317745967292,0.0,0.1892377962499248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203318996032315,0.10151442540029157,0.060735666466205714,0.03432388539115644,0.06302239166854366,0.11201107803423284,0.11020677852214304,0.05254376145012299,0.0,0.0,0.1301003934112013,0.0,0.13987100758052867,0.1177029221695221,0.06486202451514371,0.06742390750556837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941231447935338,0.19769784998180606,0.0,0.06469815006270334,0.1516106567574158,0.0,0.14832746290549026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442105227641205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640361831268056,0.03209615570463792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788187900906052,0.0,0.08770629665027463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633507652544171,0.0,0.05243858789120144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520083505368861,0.0634504138099526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992997293577275,0.1335536294226336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182183656943903,0.0,0.06863921099734174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417415109999922,0.06754728943293255,0.0,0.0,0.07442170861120688,0.05610473917557468,0.06249273567502691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743685829706672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055664716139983514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046500558820510934,0.0,0.10493115654826557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879168953958173,0.0528046284065184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043646058780936484,0.04209587993162939,0.06454680803097143,0.1564678486668375,0.1149250605699974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897480704148986,0.13381151803155802,0.14291858498488444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874969615241799,0.052147090660167886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856235240950462,0.0,0.07554811942214677,0.06332940572477952,0.0,0.047828079218058525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182917715098246,0.0,0.0
bpd,p1l19n,2019/06/09,"I am so fucking insecure I cant get into a relationship, i dont believe that anyone would love me, thats why my relationships always failed. I cant Tell myself anyone because i cant trust someone, i always think they betray me at one point, and if anything Bad happens (dont matter how Bad), i think in my head ""gj you did Not told him your Problems""
I am always home, because i cant socialise myself.

My life could be so Nice but i am always deatroying it because of stupid reasons i putted in my head that dont make sense.",3.287777777777777,4.4380883333333365,4.862037037037037,84.2491666666667,73.07407407407408,6.511111111111113,27.38888888888889,6.6274283507984215,1.238311111111111,412,15,82,3,8,139,67,108,0.171,0.752,0.078,-0.86,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,1,3,10,2,1,1,0,14,5,2,3,0,14,22,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,2,0,23,3,5,17,0,6,0,1,0,2,9,5,1,1,0,55,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396786252001091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473793250163228,0.0,0.10870889769831983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059972530202224,0.2415849203905391,0.0,0.0,0.14883400097009733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054728991033071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644685671070987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212640346806306,0.0690179744418272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681758532358982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27115004446357954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325093298903747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933077274386327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922744020382885,0.0,0.0881792791173287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951590490665046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487932752635185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264040145322177,0.0,0.1327992503223281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582311683449458,0.0,0.2836567618954425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192980957950656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546319104303812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929157827662447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622936307045465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920173539663485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384164974604184,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrankCases,2019/06/09,"Has anyone else dated someone who also suffers from BPD? For me at least it was great until we split at different times and ended up almost killing each other over guilt and anger. I mean like sometimes I miss her because what we had was pretty neat but at the same time it was really hard having BPDx2. I haven't spoken with her in 4 years so I hope she isn't dead.

But yes, anyone else? Have any of you made it work perhaps?",2.9204926108374387,4.459415827586209,3.76978653530378,90.17172413793104,74.63218390804597,5.8909688013136305,20.47454844006568,6.1826913282559595,0.0979996715927749,335,7,69,2,7,107,70,87,0.147,0.667,0.18600000000000005,0.7897,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,1,0,1,2,9,2,1,1,1,9,0,0,1,0,13,13,7,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,1,11,4,11,8,3,12,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,2,7,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313950255130585,0.0,0.0,0.1542445042270319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116368579710128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269729629721677,0.3952527041471336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175766670130676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429231477489265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151650675742672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222497168238232,0.0,0.17083270010119575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264872735914306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278084469576702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157142063718502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339098136637444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423047095036652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825058713433304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010073694688355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622631436005888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356261561340337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342494301992566,0.0,0.19076132002308596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493748018022788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041751513306144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420713829222695
bpd,AutumnTheTired,2019/06/09,"FP is leaving for a few months. Spontaneous self destruction all over the place. Unhealthy emotional attachments can be really bad when you have addictions. I don't even really know that there's much more I'd like to say. Just realizing how deep my attachments are. Platonic? Romantic? What even are feelings

I cant even self isolate and push anyone away cause she's really the only person left. So here's to increasing depression anxiety and total isolation. My fear of abandonment has actually left me completely alone.",4.561166007905137,7.887853021739132,5.6283399209486165,69.6067786561265,78.56521739130434,11.606324110671935,30.10276679841897,10.637119530657019,5.028834782608696,426,20,65,19,11,140,76,92,0.259,0.623,0.11800000000000001,-0.9544,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,10,6,1,1,3,0,9,1,0,2,2,11,11,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,10,6,10,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.16698918492625706,0.1865468952994221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722950813968874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090691900530313,0.0,0.0,0.11965161961681688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077359431950955,0.0,0.142878693411699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757881659375777,0.0,0.0,0.17941686935198434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738606657893388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924878315735064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390709598030929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255843820450336,0.08652380181432588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094043498799998,0.0,0.0,0.18119218523462072,0.3718464298613211,0.0,0.0,0.08360096351372892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365869642877611,0.0,0.12579345375669465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014505492536532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941605402601968,0.17878478117461022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288730369923999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360821028563538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35703256178110976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vlameopotato,2019/06/09,"me having BPD and my partner having ADHD is a horrible combination I want to preface that my experience with BPD isn’t everyone’s relationship with it just like my boyfriend’s ADHD isn’t the exact same as everyone else’s. A common way borderline presents itself in me is pretty bad anxiety. I’m really aware of others when I’m out in public and am scared as fuck of judgement. I’m sensitive and along with having PTSD it can be easy for me to get overwhelmed. My boyfriend’s ADHD tends to make him impulsive. He’s got a lot of energy and can switch from thought to thought quickly. He can be forgetful about promises he’s made or things he’s said so he conflicts himself often which in turn leaves me confused. I often feel unappreciated and ignored which I know he doesn’t intend for. I really don’t want this whole post to be me just shit talking him and want to say that I really love him and sometimes his energy and positive attitude are really refreshing. He’s really a sweet guy. The main problem arises when we’re out in public. He can be really, really loud. He says things that are inappropriate, sexual or otherwise, and it can be genuinely embarrassing. We were going out to celebrate my birthday (yikes) a few weeks ago and were going to go to a movie. We were running about 10 minutes late and I started to get a lil anxious. I know to not panic outloud because DBT taught me a lot about how that can cause me to spiral and make a bigger deal out of whatever is happening. Anyways, we parked in a parking garage and were walking quickly to walk the block to the cinema. When we got to the ground floor of the parking ramp he saw a sign that said “pay here before you leave”, and realized he forgot the parking slip in the car. He wanted to go back and get it and I asked if we could just grab it after the movie since we were already running late, but he said “they’re probably still on the previews!”, so we walked back up the stairs. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if we weren’t parked on the fourth level. By the time we got to the cinema doors the time said we were 15 minutes late and he said “What do you think babe? Do you wanna just do something else?” He seemed to so I agreed and tried to find something to do on my phone. Anytime I made a suggestion of something nearby he shot it down, and after a few minutes he said “Wanna just go back to my place?” I said sure and was visibly sad at this point. As we were walking (there AND back to the ramp) he was making extremely loud sexual comments. Just all in all he was over the top. Singing, dancing, talking to strangers, swearing in front of kids outside, etc. It was way too much for me and I was so quiet and clearly uncomfortable that there is no way he didn’t notice I wasn’t fine with the situation. When we got back to his house I said I was gunna head home, and when he asked why I said “I just kind of feel like crying” and he said “What, is it something I did?” and instead of just being honest outright I didn’t want to make him feel bad so I said no and that I just felt overwhelmed, and he said “No, I know it’s because of me. I’ve been really annoying all day and I know it.” He ended up going for a walk and told me to just be by myself in his place for awhile and we could see how I felt when he got back. I was really thankful for him doing that, and when he got back we talked and I was more honest with him. I said he often made me uncomfortable in public and he acknowledged that the way he acts in public has gotten him into serious trouble before. He seemed to be really genuine and said “Let’s just have a code word for if we’re in public and I’m doing something that’s overwhelming you or just not helping the fact that you’re already anxious.” I said sure. The next day we went to the zoo, and while we were waiting in line to get in (like a 20 minute wait) he started up again. Loud, singing, dancing. He pulled his phone out and started playing a song through the speakers. (I FUCKING HATE when people do things like that in public. Put some headphones in. Jesus fucking christ.) At that point my anxiety with him had been building for a good 15 minutes, so I said the code word, which was baseball. He IMMEDIATELY laughed and started mocking me. “Haha, baseball! Baseball!” I didn’t understand what the point of him mocking an idea HE came up with was, but it hurt my feelings and made me want to not trust whatever solution he comes up with next. During the rest of the day he would find excuses to say “baseball” to me. For example, a kid bumped into me at one point and I said “oh, sorry!” and my boyfriend snapped “baseball”. Another example was when he commented on how I was dressed (asshole?) and said “Men keep staring at you.” I said something to the effect of “Well it’s hot out. I’m wearing shorts and a crop top.” and he said “baseball”. I really don’t want this dynamic to start veering towards me just parenting him. He’s three years older than me and I don’t like feeling like the mature one in this. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Or does anyone have any advice on what to do?

TLDR: I’m very sensitive and my boyfriend is very not sensitive and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.",2.9847160501967025,4.712444257170176,4.226881387222259,86.17220203951565,74.8795411089866,7.3330959759126175,25.980923496186897,8.104835398774808,1.5655304850442846,4087,146,832,66,87,1341,369,1046,0.10300000000000001,0.797,0.1,-0.8038,2,0,6,1,0,0,99.0,16,5,0,3,56,48,9,7,52,1,82,7,3,14,8,187,185,79,0,17,26,1,9,7,1,2,0,29,2,6,45,83,0,7,24,8,1,23,20,24,1,3,71,43,102,24,125,101,15,130,3,5,3,4,128,57,5,16,52,541,147,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275736062385282,0.03457670808457932,0.03136566566758745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780939604756726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02406224485193696,0.0371030726977315,0.054137127146691055,0.07994740258932068,0.0,0.04948244900822025,0.036254956117544215,0.029117909972546718,0.0,0.06615828364753804,0.0,0.0,0.19045608250658685,0.05908810665285681,0.04313935725959322,0.0,0.0602181341677016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912949077048749,0.0,0.0,0.040469720719984184,0.0,0.03634898125537865,0.0,0.03048007076031472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056502281702026064,0.0,0.0388675195144766,0.06845900642586489,0.07295843219735051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030964662939706074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867604866270327,0.0,0.0313396061842243,0.0,0.039462368168846435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762160793824734,0.0,0.03461221433026117,0.0,0.0,0.08945573877282031,0.05055648735934208,0.06794812794544733,0.0,0.06468043199143868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981354524812445,0.07394644629225104,0.0,0.12065681189067265,0.029678311240695636,0.16979827850719306,0.0,0.0,0.0350355941800693,0.03128983923746617,0.0,0.0,0.03493424591619454,0.03631405869670858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02371706208998093,0.0,0.035492906468226094,0.0,0.0,0.04082823505950499,0.03787916448424426,0.039944082103510484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03145080929935839,0.0,0.03684685541585517,0.09723024746401927,0.0,0.11974363915800597,0.07493281825413736,0.0,0.03618240423612148,0.0,0.1210074004492342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016420158796194,0.031935324003988526,0.13392429273366374,0.09447603149864817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026011215648470417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526229398010499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028477032908565,0.0,0.0,0.04795405188297088,0.0,0.0,0.041515347369923336,0.03928960005233671,0.0,0.0,0.02453072009841439,0.0,0.07393722580814167,0.0,0.13379677628359168,0.0,0.033887966296252785,0.03599811635233293,0.038149796310156095,0.033857584735444236,0.04136185031938915,0.03557056227391965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493459437879953,0.0,0.0,0.03798903415843978,0.0,0.0,0.6731632607420154,0.08441602049038832,0.03542542647015708,0.0,0.028196363092883658,0.06442429234391032,0.0,0.0,0.036321033905058836,0.029269902773772793,0.03977295221980793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344139018760168,0.03499555202935325,0.039609345359432266,0.1252244259425579,0.0,0.028257604156897438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066697757135899,0.0,0.0,0.08532064276698123,0.0,0.03257671337060429,0.0,0.0,0.07052241255759416,0.02267255505178986,0.0,0.056181680463674236,0.04126523809987335,0.0,0.0,0.03381080396912367,0.0,0.0240233249592877,0.038487489645738816,0.0,0.036835856376721335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583907966238878,0.14609226234917064,0.11234427556365092,0.02838280605896642,0.0,0.031814348412990606,0.032801201832238766,0.031928438916589204,0.03950482703917977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02513568591748071,0.0,0.0,0.022786052067561
bpd,_needy_,2019/06/09,"What gave you the courage to break up with your SO? I've been with my boyfriend for three years, but throughout the years we've argued a lot. 


This morning he got mad at me for asking a stupid question. I just genuinely wanted to know if we were going to have a date or go to his place for the day, because I wanted to know how to dress. This was apparently stupid to ask and I was told to just be 'normal' about it. It ended with him not wanting to hangout or talk to me for the reminaing of the day.


Anyways, I'm aware this relationship is going nowhere..but I just can't seem to find the courage to break it off. Those of you who ended a toxic relationship...how did you find the courage to do it?",2.799047021943576,3.973671951724139,3.7922884012539204,91.35200626959251,74.3103448275862,6.65203761755486,24.905956112852664,6.980632752743323,0.7429999999999994,543,17,123,5,11,175,85,145,0.113,0.8170000000000001,0.07,-0.8131,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,4,0,0,7,7,4,0,11,0,10,0,0,1,0,25,25,7,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,4,0,1,8,0,14,3,26,16,1,16,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,6,7,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275551752512143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679327627868897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22596416362929286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103300034404578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202382085537729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986909649489736,0.0,0.1401142376720043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255802292253654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893898774630338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164752225773036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830346830504248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196251200392644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37617374742324267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948501990748293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080987067810066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740010787602844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099921276994037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563128505680285
bpd,obviousthrowaway6369,2019/06/09,"I am such a burden to others Like the title says. I am just a burden to everyone around me. Things have to be my way..if they're not I either have some form of a panic attack or I lash out.

My husband and I got into a small argument and I just couldn't let it go. I finally got him so angry he took all my insecurities out on me. Things he affirmed me about he told me he lied just to make me feel better. 

I'm not mad at him. He's right. I do push people to the edge. I make everyone around me angry. There's nothing to love about me. I burden everyone.

Today was the first day in over 5 years I cut myself. I really went for it too and just sliced my arms really quick nonstop and then did my thighs. I think I should just end it now and stop burdening everyone. 

I honestly hate my brain.",-0.11113931888544926,1.9214965176470609,2.6841795665634685,91.7545975232198,86.76470588235294,6.1671826625387,16.594427244582047,7.475848149327749,0.17194117647058824,608,13,140,11,19,213,102,170,0.25,0.69,0.061,-0.9864,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,16,14,4,2,7,0,11,4,3,2,1,28,24,8,0,2,9,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,10,0,1,7,2,31,4,19,13,4,25,0,0,0,1,11,11,0,2,11,99,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630100539680378,0.0,0.16805654249476906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064922525890815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649080212437924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526928652087208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308389681750383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5646236495103711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746933224978639,0.0,0.0,0.1618236185916705,0.0,0.12565333563940176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395453704952185,0.0,0.23629558315851995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458461431448607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105704929787214,0.0,0.0721701265769994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333260161744056,0.0,0.1972128559288962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174445902351165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332142533569314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241271340170334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189270615312992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615486306622276,0.0,0.1174754712772478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350326601238505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628154946619805,0.09465510483540117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002438450358132,0.14115591237759278,0.1641259853338628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725585357322893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694094869614656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512894079706412
bpd,cuddleylovey,2019/06/09,"My long term boyfriend who I love very, very much has BPD. What can I say to him when he’s struggling or having a meltdown to remind him he’s cared for? We share a dorm during the academic year, but are apart for the majority of the summer and I know that’s been tough on him. I plan on asking him if I can tag along to a therapist visit at some point so she can give me advice more specific to him, but for now I just want general input. He has told me I’m his FP and while I want to reassure him well, I don’t want him to feel smothered either. Thanks!",1.4475000000000016,2.8030554166666697,3.3483333333333327,92.43,78.16666666666666,6.8000000000000025,20.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,0.4002333333333329,430,10,102,6,10,145,81,120,0.051,0.777,0.172,0.907,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,5,9,1,1,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,17,21,9,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,2,21,6,14,19,6,13,0,0,0,1,22,5,0,3,7,69,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387343285988064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461027118609829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756542079354101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314858917566932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066528307761304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995631917794144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202830920287622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368962295948625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753521236082336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089177633651233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689922085237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740511179422286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288063825537229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150251154102253,0.0,0.2541204266506476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913595056361006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611749299796291,0.38727871275723613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678692062421016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094260116065474
bpd,mohycosta,2019/06/09,"Will I ever be sure if I can love or just need the person Ok this is my first post and honestly I don't know where else to turn. I've gotten in a relationship that lasted 4 years and came out from it feeling terrible (she got married to my best friend) and now I'm finally in a new relationship that's been going on for 7 month and she always feels like I don't love her enough. She compares how romantic I was with my ex (I traveled halfway across the world to win her back on a whim just to realise she's with my best friend). But my current girlfriend doesn't understand that I'm just currently incapable of being that romantic but it got me thinking ....do I really love her. I know I have dependancy and abandonment issues but is that why I'm holding on to her. Or is that I do love her but I just can't be romantic as I was before and give everything out of fear it would turn out like the last relationship. 
I honestly don't know and I don't want to hurt her I can't stand anymore feelings of guilt in my life. 
I mean....did I even love my ex as well?",1.8959421992481216,3.4502592098214286,3.9159304511278212,87.98564849624061,77.4375,7.7515037593984975,24.28947368421053,8.532816995589336,1.4707089285714283,829,28,186,17,19,283,115,224,0.07,0.682,0.248,0.9909,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,11,22,0,2,6,1,22,6,0,2,2,41,48,17,0,4,11,2,3,2,3,2,1,0,0,1,10,13,0,2,8,1,0,3,7,5,1,1,7,3,35,17,25,36,3,29,0,2,0,5,25,12,0,4,14,127,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307141969915113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092903000688743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860087581427935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517944526877237,0.0,0.2347675709254306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793108327080058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343959519832576,0.0,0.0,0.11557499710091705,0.0,0.07387845751681155,0.10117827203706416,0.0,0.0,0.10052708856808812,0.0,0.0,0.1258667543040814,0.16967010439998612,0.07990846093303232,0.0,0.1225304991246818,0.0,0.09514288499150864,0.0,0.0,0.17283611822006795,0.0,0.0,0.10730046980007388,0.06356915892739161,0.0,0.17891959157352275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974193198396005,0.0,0.0,0.11674642919530173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844159632950122,0.1823517432330038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900572976603118,0.10929234815450327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047626375658183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184170713744688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892807297122433,0.0,0.0,0.08293826244899645,0.0,0.10802921042133684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766652625840908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071251335812454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165648366341218,0.0,0.0,0.3602677413511847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542099340353027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167147380041207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24332988491920646,0.0,0.11644387274346947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597433851181303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057010484924728,0.0,0.10093076268074726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945781366833142,0.0,0.0,0.0720302555245576
bpd,Ehcanadianeh,2019/06/09,"Always finding myself having to have dirt on my loved/close friends.. I keep finding myself stockpiling ammo on everyone close to myself in case of arguments wether it be secrets, revenge porn, incriminating  things etc. If an argument seems to be escalating with someone and doesn’t seem to be getting better I always like to have the option to turn it on my favour or blow it up even worse. Threatening attempt to ruin their lives/expose them. Is this BDP or just wanting to be in control at all times??",6.780645161290322,7.832917763440863,6.949623655913983,72.84443548387098,64.91397849462365,9.210752688172043,33.77956989247312,9.2995712137729,3.2232666666666674,404,17,66,7,6,130,69,93,0.201,0.722,0.077,-0.924,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,3,2,5,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,1,17,15,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,17,11,2,9,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,6,2,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37186999443167934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763048478615933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506272024335392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24921479256213336,0.14759193356136344,0.0,0.0,0.21352374144074146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084732161183617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264313397133008,0.0,0.11674760745845646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861978079760886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091703152026029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068556297420805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893352793583094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845559818173626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030018509134494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430581891907892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180134661277446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277228419923452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pupchubs,2019/06/09,"Need someone to listen right now I found out yesterday that my friend killed himself. He was more-so my husband’s friend, so we weren’t best friends or anything, and I don’t want to come across as fishing for pity by overstating how close we were. We partied together in our friend group, and my husband and him loved to play MTG, go comics and records hunting, etc.

I’m having trouble accepting how devastated I feel because my hurt seems too intense for the people around me. I feel like it’s inappropriate for me to be so sad when others around me are strong and handling the news better. Specifically my husband, our roommate, my mother in law, and my mom all seem sad but strong, and could carry on going to work, shopping, eating dinner, etc. right after this news. I want to know if I’m spinning out because of distorted perception vs “real” grief, if that makes any sense? All yesterday and today I feel like I can’t get over it. I feel like my chest is aching and empty, I didn’t sleep and can’t eat. I don’t want to talk to anyone and I just want to lay in bed crying. I keep imagining what I, my husband, our friend’s girlfriend, or whoever else could have potentially done to stop it. I also wonder if it would have only prolonged the time until we lost him and I can’t stand this wondering, it feels sick and gross and morbid because he is gone now so why think that way? Does anyone else have experience with this and BPD?

One specific thing that I am doing that seems really wrong is that I keep googling, Facebook searching, etc trying to find every scrap of info about my friend that I can online. I can’t resist the urge to look at pictures of him, I feel like I can’t remember what his hair looked like the last time I saw him because it was almost a month ago and I just saw him at his work for a few minutes. I feel so guilty that I hadn’t seen him lately too because I’ve had a tough semester in my grad program so I’ve isolated a lot, been feeling really bad about myself, and avoiding friends because I’m embarrassed that when I post on social media I get maybe 4-9 “likes.” When I think about this I hate myself. I feel like I allowed my own bullshit to rob me of the last chance to spend time with him and I failed him as a friend by overlooking signs that he wasn’t okay. I literally felt like I didn’t want to see him and our other friends in the same crowd because I have gained weight, felt stressed about school, and imagined he was so much cooler and better off than me that I would just annoy him if we hung out again. 

I’m sorry if this is not an okay place to post this vent, if anyone can reply though that would mean a lot. Right now I’m hiding in my room because I don’t want to pour my shitty feelings onto my family when they are also dealing with the loss itself.",5.74600352112676,5.378840713028172,6.061725352112679,83.21769366197185,67.04577464788733,8.86056338028169,29.36971830985915,8.17850203761792,1.8090676056338029,2207,66,459,25,32,709,268,568,0.18,0.672,0.14800000000000002,-0.9875,2,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,9,0,1,11,30,46,3,3,15,2,41,9,3,4,2,110,94,48,2,18,14,6,14,8,10,3,1,1,2,0,30,36,4,4,29,3,2,4,14,19,0,1,20,21,82,27,58,68,12,55,0,8,6,1,50,25,0,16,30,294,112,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053445402962866,0.0,0.060373935307000325,0.0,0.0,0.0964313110125094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041000767716269385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647313729260387,0.06177649024377339,0.04961534846452737,0.10734569239619124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034147376056052,0.2940285542456128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327295066168412,0.10664711355975612,0.0,0.0,0.07593592306612998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193639699491793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627684124066688,0.0,0.06622815739456417,0.0,0.06215861715882175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052762115937876254,0.06169985993807828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338795779395326,0.10073280348774064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172524227653651,0.0,0.0,0.05079878409564212,0.0,0.0,0.058977346820013425,0.0568381261259167,0.0,0.30485551027184665,0.2153638207413588,0.11577994604366172,0.0,0.055105984171203805,0.0,0.0,0.06610729208617884,0.4192344804620411,0.0,0.06300037852927334,0.0,0.06853090042312843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595260712774945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454405371823987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107180966240386,0.06670439311444575,0.0,0.03313501974398484,0.09829239027496472,0.06801223472468282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23564581173524976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126053643697737,0.0,0.0658160652829329,0.10251655526413872,0.05441607005033588,0.0,0.040245515807715744,0.0,0.060571624940016375,0.06567588780557558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061350319437576,0.04812466375874578,0.0,0.044321708858966975,0.044705906929266716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040855559288129936,0.045854939677489576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179902427461776,0.0,0.06299252292541083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154865344475605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862573028668242,0.0772494623095106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829931634880315,0.15446764396279794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101893151038822,0.04804508227426887,0.16466328029230418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060335748499106535,0.06146031143297655,0.051085390648214116,0.0,0.0,0.06749218863280103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050406984080165945,0.0690645184832346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846059150642379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005546273642987,0.07726562246647041,0.059236786460300735,0.0,0.10547061085740272,0.0,0.057149961684408036,0.0,0.0,0.040934450317877284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213371431964312,0.047857146901518426,0.0,0.07341966432311109,0.0,0.0,0.054404338232672864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076865143698155,0.08778688836439558,0.0,0.0,0.12848956022597827,0.06592006263842237,0.0,0.0
bpd,introverted_asf,2019/06/09,"Pushing Away. DAE ever feel like when they have a semi good relationship with someone and everything is going as best that it could be going, you somehow know in your head that you're going to end up fucking up by getting to attached to that person. Like you get really jealous of them when they dont talk to you or that they are spending time with other people therefore thinking that they must hate you?",11.255384615384619,7.635985564102565,10.132051282051282,68.7296153846154,58.74358974358975,11.93846153846154,41.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,3.8222,326,12,57,3,3,103,58,78,0.079,0.7829999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.6258,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,5,1,5,7,3,0,1,0,7,2,1,1,2,12,17,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,3,0,0,0,1,10,4,13,14,1,13,0,0,0,1,13,4,1,2,7,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534634668514554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293675057654707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450410252261653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561532271703989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358120365585876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977019892766445,0.0,0.0,0.1964295790584361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105115966280624,0.15614085285730409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020571977512002,0.2283794186050264,0.0,0.3726417418549489,0.1833195726415688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157848868142722,0.22430783433637927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011604884375625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355686559803666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152348422254305,0.19084005032181006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001651816742205,0.0,0.0,0.23465396836467384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518701137690385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567198756353886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004580884263068,0.0,0.0,0.12744535482612676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SoberSeahorse,2019/06/09,"How is BPD different from BP? I'm starting to suspect that I'm not just bipolar. Not looking for anyone to diagnose me. I'm just noticing some stuff that doesn't quite fit with bipolar about myself. I've got a lot of tramua from my childhood and I've got bipolar. My mood swings are sometimes just much ""quicker"" than it is supposed to be like with bipolar. At this point my therapist/psychiatrist combo isn't really setup to change my diagnosis and that's fine with me. It wouldn't change the work needed to get stable in my opinion. I'm just curious what BPD is like to have outside of just memes about it. Could anyone describe the difference and what it's like to have BPD?",3.746953867028495,5.596949828358209,4.571356852103122,83.98537991858889,73.1044776119403,7.260786974219811,28.59972862957937,8.00094639256281,1.9329194029850747,543,22,103,8,11,175,78,134,0.034,0.858,0.10800000000000001,0.8240000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,3,0,11,5,0,1,0,21,21,4,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,8,4,20,16,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,5,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141609536921251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5786311246133978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240079501102899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227145965508708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543594952314685,0.0,0.3200016795812013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800103965017029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24496336235864524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244523993868824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860074589128254,0.0,0.0,0.13019588812250088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257702198697847,0.11355288405820675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743532304052287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447687300454034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288541282569674,0.0,0.0,0.0981067138518126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146139586469587,0.0,0.10839472589948786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531099975019712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778097147647568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148923085315048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadgirlsag,2019/06/09,"Sexual Assualt while Manic I'm extremely triggered and traumatized rn. Last night I kind of went on a drinking escapade. I have been feeling empty, lonely, and extremely sad. I have been dealing with PTSD flashbacks and nightmares along with derealization and emotional detachment. I just wanted to feel ""normal"" for a second but of course, I have no impulse control. Ended up at some bar shitfaced, got myself into a really unsafe situation where I was drugged and molested. I put myself in the worst situation and I don't know how to cope and not beat myself up for binge drinking while on meds. The guilt and shame have fully taken over me and generally don't have any will to live.  Has anyone ever been sexually assaulted while in a manic episode? How did you cope/Get through it?

​

I don't know what to do or how to move on from this.",4.858188899707886,6.99605889873418,5.8044303797468375,75.09504868549173,70.77215189873421,8.659006815968842,29.875365141187924,9.265573868473778,2.9332623174294064,678,28,114,15,13,223,103,158,0.19399999999999998,0.79,0.016,-0.9832,0,2,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,6,8,2,2,6,0,16,4,0,5,1,31,25,17,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,13,3,1,4,3,0,3,5,7,0,1,8,2,14,1,24,16,2,21,0,2,0,0,2,11,0,2,7,88,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480168698629112,0.20724906675470026,0.11598664765044665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192595165852872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129754119500775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758398690661214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341677310871091,0.1977954489059555,0.0,0.0,0.1918570414301364,0.1510655336757067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542812832795466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248051987166593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911055954959647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364124116574328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761199183382584,0.1874706291614704,0.13902916302002175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060760337419862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894537082017051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127828589783124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005900442914506,0.16711258509654162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199375510833908,0.17145990736027597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926510240104984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834331687274444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006007061021268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811082726642645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724906675470026,0.0
bpd,dcbellefromnc,2019/06/09,"How to quit drinking because it's ruining my life I have diagnosed BPD and realize that the diagnoses and drinking do not coincide. I am in my mid-20's and live in DC where drinking culture is huge. Most of my weekends include brunch and/or day drinking with friends. Every time I drink my insecurities come out in my relationship, I lash out at friends, and overall make myself look bad. I want to quit drinking, or minimize drinking but it seems to be difficult and a huge part of my social life. I am afraid that if I quit then I will get depressed because I won't have many people to turn to. I'm stuck. Does anyone have success stories of positives that came when they quit drinking. Needing some hope because I didn't realize how heavily I relied on alcohol.",5.613287671232879,6.819716630136987,6.187561643835617,76.70504109589045,67.63013698630137,9.401643835616436,37.202739726027396,9.642632912329526,3.779339178082192,612,33,109,13,10,199,93,146,0.10300000000000001,0.746,0.151,0.8176,0,0,9,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,5,4,10,0,2,2,0,11,14,0,3,0,25,23,12,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,5,10,10,0,3,9,0,2,3,6,0,0,3,1,19,4,16,17,3,17,0,2,1,0,6,10,0,6,5,70,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130958487980288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628454231026755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915186463010834,0.1733628352369681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193939997005308,0.0,0.0,0.10842296487398474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165956133644067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061136476992078324,0.0,0.08164885688452622,0.19243471968312376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295783866352911,0.0,0.0,0.742922854097908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987089335597547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648046350911692,0.0,0.04952772595328074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415520237629307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391640630656754,0.0,0.0,0.08370783601965931,0.0,0.07960593595802733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327799687256781,0.09610967887724586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029106677055183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265634019125923,0.0,0.0657205771684647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033147911244962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177692464586728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629998751617088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663400546843856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527712301224072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031123433448152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591395933003358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PointlessAcorn,2019/06/09,"Found a hair that’s not mine in my bf’s/our shower I’m 99% sure I’m being so paranoid it’s scary. The hair is long and brown, not like anyone I know who has showered in our house or stayed over recently. It’s far too long to be his and too brown to be mine. 

Now he’s being really loving over the past couple of days to the point where I feel suspicious.

I know he’ll be really hurt if I ask him about it and it’ll ruin his recent wave of good feelings towards me. I’ve never accused him of this kind of thing and I don’t really believe he has or would do this.

1% of me if worried I’m being taken for a ride, looking stupid and being humiliated.

How do I cope with this and ignore it?",0.5882213812677364,2.21071032450331,3.1515279091769166,91.67822847682122,81.51655629139073,5.903689687795647,18.070482497634817,6.868970318607317,-0.043217975402081166,533,11,124,6,14,186,89,151,0.183,0.745,0.07200000000000001,-0.9469,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,5,0,15,3,2,1,2,23,28,12,0,3,6,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,11,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,7,16,5,16,16,0,18,0,2,3,1,11,8,0,4,9,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587565238062254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682963814732105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028232828508425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919105226449502,0.0,0.11609937486795804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204918637472767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738496324035015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099401358882308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077213568314226,0.19271740330778947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874653359567849,0.1978708988899011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794971481071544,0.0,0.0,0.31862782336419426,0.15117324149546954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247699228956147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884415734596892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718514839505568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017909216986693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459803403780806,0.0,0.3555002519385805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187962775415215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696687181026729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959869766709776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828212018555798,0.0,0.12788254932053575,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_thisisalow,2019/06/09,"To my FP I don’t think people understand how lonely it is being that kid in your head. When everyone has moved on while we’re stuck with the monster under our beds. When I try to visualise myself, I just see a kid under a bright spot lamp, surrounded by complete darkness. I’ve ran so far from that, but I never found out who or where I was. 

The thing that makes me sad is that I know you feel it too. How can two people so desperately in love be utterly and completely alone? I guess we just need to pretend we have an ending. But god damn it I would have spent my life under the same spot lamp as you. I’d take being in the dark together.",2.8094776119402987,3.887053082089551,4.253910447761196,88.43101492537315,74.1492537313433,7.748059701492537,22.35522388059701,8.238735603445708,0.9734650746268656,499,12,111,8,10,166,94,134,0.155,0.769,0.076,-0.8458,0,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,3,0,0,10,5,1,0,7,0,12,3,1,3,1,23,26,12,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,9,5,0,0,5,1,1,2,2,3,0,1,5,3,18,2,15,17,1,18,0,2,2,1,10,11,1,2,5,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219785817571272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449968149268173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795529230853336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277598594720356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729987754718437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326775835377775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377351286639195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177889370123889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662520247322054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989037390057347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152803397889773,0.0,0.14165198831867626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255459096861881,0.0,0.1573512099180559,0.1636696255340432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942397322757176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910409262986287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955569653617682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098305924935234,0.13597575818567853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407682848352826,0.0,0.20729857685182584,0.2209183520693681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150748071504923,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IAmHomeless1,2019/06/09,"Struggling... I was recently diagnosed with BPD(maybe bipolar as well but my psychiatrist still needs a month or two to put the diagnosis) and I am extremly confused. 
My father and my grandfather were extremly abusive when i was a child i suffered from mental health problems since I was only 14 years old..
Right now I'm just extremely confused over my symptoms, i just feel nothing and when I do i only feel loneliness and dispair and I usually cry a lot over my past experiences(especially with other peopl, I just lost any trust in them..). I don't know what to do.. my emotions are so confusing I don't know what I'm feeling anymore... I just feel lonely.. like in a purgatory.. it's a never ending cycle of bad emotions and bad thoughts",5.410431654676259,6.9013523812949655,6.6396330935251795,72.21714748201441,68.3525179856115,9.588776978417268,34.763309352517986,9.888512548439397,3.7279289208633095,587,29,101,14,10,198,87,139,0.278,0.6509999999999999,0.071,-0.9883,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,1,10,13,0,4,6,0,10,4,0,0,1,28,21,12,0,2,6,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,10,1,1,6,4,20,3,11,15,1,18,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,5,13,72,24,0,0.0,0.17747653244390196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018622655125676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855132667525284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501366121716489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865512984613544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453716670910765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203359096681215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33698694272998897,0.1326693874923223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30295308756336264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921965451615092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464121853926403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317977680322743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351336548711334,0.12734601268948714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048408324606388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095298379080982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956086557743215,0.0,0.0,0.11106730959581776,0.11552720172973513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372744467016935,0.0,0.1571792980444789,0.0,0.0,0.2278439307680463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429914044163899,0.10384545329227754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433287005081097,0.0,0.1505802173102588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478994511030912,0.0,0.0,0.12791975239198392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390774951444646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962240410612468,0.0,0.0,0.15659292173915024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556890550400684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891644540123494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463229626639952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497240783044526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467910517469925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645978170246444
bpd,N0RTHERNLlGHTS,2019/06/09,"My ex is still trying to talk to me and I'm struggling. ***TRIGGER WARNING I'm gonna briefly list some things that happened leading up to today time.***

We broke up a total of 6 or 7 times. He cheated at least twice (literally told me he had his now current gf's nudes in his phone and somehow convinced me it wasn't what it was). And also punched me in the face on Valentine's day. Also I got pregnant by him, he left without knowing, and I miscarried and dealt with that by myself. He also consistently belittled me and gaslit me. Once when I asked if he really loved me he screamed at me that I needed therapy and that my lack of trust in him was the reason we had any issues ever. Meanwhile he was cheating, and I know I was right. Worth noting: When he broke up with me the last time he cited the miscarriage as a reason. Said he ""couldn't deal with me"" since it. Even though I ABSOLUTELY never brought it up. It was way too painful.

ALSO WORTH NOTING: I didn't know I had BPD until I got psychiatric help AFTER we broke up the last time.

Anyways. That is the shortest of short versions. I initially wrote a bigass post in detail.but decided it was too much and deleted it.

The only reason I got out of this cycle is because while talking to a friend I finally told someone he hit me after the breakup. And expressed that I'd let him beat me every day if it meant I could spent the rest of our lives together. My friend called me out and I realized it was bad and I absolutely cut him off and blocked him from everything and haven't looked back unless I'm trying to heal (all this with the help of friends, I know I'd go back if they weren't supporting me.)

Anyways he made a separate snapchat yesterday to add me on and I didn't add him back. It actually spooked me quite a bit because I knew I'd blocked him. When I didn't add him he went through a friend to tell me he was, ""Just trying to get his old friends back"" and that he ""wasn't trying to do anything messed up"" he ""just wanted to talk.""

I am so used to running to his rescue, I am so used to fixing him and trying to push him for better and do good by him, encourage him to heal. So this was really really really hard for me.

But I told my friend I didn't care. He blew tons of chances that he already didn't have. Also that quite frankly, trying to speak to me after everything he knows he did WAS very messed up.

I know once this passes I will have done something so good for myself. The healing aftermath will be absolutely immeasurable. But as I type this, I'm just sobbing. (Sobbing at 7am wow! Look at me! Ugh.) This is so much emotion. I absolutely don't know what to do with myself while I'm writhing inside to not go unblock him and talk to him.

My friends probably can sense I'm not doing good past my ""he ain't shit I know better"" texts because every one of them have repeatedly been asking, ""You're not going to talk to him again, right?"" And I truly am not. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to. Because I 100% know I am the only person in his life that was ever there to encourage him not to do drugs or drink (yes including parents). I know I couldn't ever save him or anything but I wanted to be that voice in his life that reminded him how good life could be and not only did he throw that away and completely disrespect and damage me as a person, but now expects to still be able to get all of that without putting out any effort or even saying sorry.

So I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I definitely DO NOT need to speak to him. But I am literally seething with pain. I'm decimated. I can't get out of bed this morning. I just needed someone to hear how I was actually feeling about this because I'm scared to talk to my friends irl about it.

That's all I guess. Thanks for reading.",1.7398085385761952,3.7250662603626985,3.37609340620342,89.6935144438924,79.40155440414506,6.3026758464049975,23.917311377670522,7.357864514023983,0.9746609908439208,2931,103,626,40,73,971,296,772,0.078,0.828,0.094,0.8766,2,0,3,0,1,0,90.0,4,0,2,7,44,43,4,2,20,1,62,14,3,10,8,122,125,60,0,15,27,2,2,0,9,3,9,7,1,2,38,39,1,3,21,2,3,11,25,19,0,2,41,11,107,24,96,71,13,81,0,6,2,2,93,29,3,10,39,423,145,3,0.05263281120999711,0.0,0.10272406273332647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808161596799274,0.21045220054461872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158423295759868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866246380393466,0.0,0.09840914714819354,0.0,0.04945025869798962,0.16188553196375924,0.043946198886354634,0.1604223659676131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930988887104148,0.057461398062727924,0.0,0.06628918322008846,0.0,0.05374398494648154,0.0,0.05366265882157787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055184501172543664,0.0,0.0,0.08404603396071153,0.0,0.0,0.06788761805323096,0.054262117258522265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386163958956815,0.0,0.05156011746529621,0.061037351191959376,0.0,0.0,0.05920482842853185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952695082467666,0.14282817307425394,0.08869082695791228,0.0,0.0946059538645742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02661273078680431,0.0,0.0,0.05765667200906464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325311835036084,0.0,0.08249541455415604,0.0,0.08973731860275501,0.17658361958452587,0.1262858016703259,0.0,0.05798097542341581,0.0,0.04654302113047209,0.0,0.04714866070645984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059321003469869835,0.0,0.07055732780403323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493498046958584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760330154631337,0.08580553188776359,0.0,0.0,0.05718570338118902,0.053820615444282384,0.11152833328431162,0.0,0.0,0.046475736576229686,0.0,0.08839661100833095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750316703916933,0.0498024385750344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738234449644693,0.1170796878128508,0.040593668715038174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522928157306501,0.11210445237902872,0.03566535502375449,0.12008887395153095,0.112010044033089,0.0,0.058442508175436315,0.0,0.050243973826667766,0.0,0.09191388121280396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050407684086361065,0.0,0.05674707250207619,0.0,0.0,0.05291051254604917,0.0,0.11196294684524492,0.05264705439619767,0.0,0.13487170640512094,0.1623458877186162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989626638508583,0.05006585625319799,0.04185572400054592,0.05269462588936029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402682435324144,0.043538405325373265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919122027660488,0.040519309475958463,0.0,0.05891812303787058,0.0,0.0,0.08406526204175517,0.04400338691283519,0.0,0.055023242085182805,0.0,0.0,0.059727090434073225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25382555973084914,0.046003396882598,0.048457221120965725,0.060190206613612275,0.0,0.034966901054040864,0.0,0.05171146978244346,0.0,0.12276246191362004,0.0,0.04988975083399661,0.15087871992217428,0.0,0.2144053434187352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091569982381037,0.0,0.04342758140215335,0.0931325871623185,0.04177747568278983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048791143297238534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014723036003784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,andisaidyesiwillyes,2019/06/09,"How do you deal with your partner potentially finding someone else besides you attractive? The thing is, I’ve been able to cope with this before. I have been able to people-watch with my previous partners, and I know objectively that there are beautiful people in this world and whatever attraction my partner experiences for that split second where their eyes begin to wander is fleeting and insignificant. Now it just isn’t the same, and I really spiral out of control when my hyper-observant ass noticed something.

I’ve run through all the arguments — they chose me because they love me, they don’t love the other people they look at; they’re not particularly inspired by them to cheat. Or that it’s impossible for most people to have tunnel vision — I for one actually do, and when I love someone everybody else just fades away and loses their appeal — so I should not expect it from them. I did discuss this with them and they were sensitive and kind enough to tell me that they’d “try” to be more like me, although I know that deep down it’s kinda impossible for like 99% of the world. He says he’s somehow managed it, but then additional fears just spring up — what if he meets new people? There will always be a chance of him finding them attractive right? I am so frustrated at myself at this point. Sometimes the thoughts are so bad I somehow spiral to suicide. Yeah, over this one insignificant thing. Logically, I am intact. Emotionally, I am all over the place. 

This has grown to become an extremely big fixation of mine, and obviously elsewhere on another subreddit it would look extremely silly but here I am. I really hope someone can relate. Really, you could throw any logical argument my way and I would most likely agree with you. The problem is the feeling of jealousy that I absolutely cannot cope with. I just want to be the special one, the only one, the best, etc. But I can’t because there is no such thing. 

Does anybody else go through this too?
If so, how have you successfully dealt with it?",5.2194372413793095,7.108234498666673,5.784303448275862,76.62360000000002,69.34666666666666,9.012413793103446,30.264367816091948,9.494082108488547,2.925042298850575,1607,65,283,36,29,519,200,375,0.11900000000000001,0.736,0.145,0.7303,0,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,0,6,12,4,22,22,2,1,14,1,34,5,2,3,3,60,47,26,1,10,12,0,1,3,3,4,0,1,0,3,25,19,0,1,9,0,0,4,7,6,0,5,5,5,47,16,41,33,9,32,0,1,3,4,33,19,1,9,11,217,72,2,0.206585235630608,0.0,0.10079869484848468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594773262142344,0.0,0.0,0.07024252216919856,0.10831131602860386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704681462253276,0.0,0.08624502134025032,0.1259324421855855,0.11407858108817424,0.08789440990004008,0.0,0.10839922974906553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585145402943077,0.08247075032871222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649015340395036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039206592684053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588631838963877,0.1161902922359469,0.0,0.10672888606041116,0.11519857303447464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010400005227572,0.0,0.11623291209935475,0.052227851163321945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888151627592736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058703575083748925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025928760640982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756336635836014,0.11353384283192942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139066665870002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347956810859702,0.11555801810694195,0.0,0.0,0.2796768611740889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976065394306254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759933000158485,0.0,0.0,0.27997500426244143,0.07855869039216118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864403817585742,0.0,0.10791880090396808,0.0,0.09764491096007354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883708527650184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985156877933769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821133123299438,0.0,0.08214243554883591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625584996330783,0.07951970361494266,0.10215904020473422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298535881967298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902823007769986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058690765547344,0.0,0.0,0.08200280064797849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012890719108406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092466220691273,0.08198887214618159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675222417201228,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nikebufft,2019/06/09,"DAE feel great about putting someone else in a pedestal? I absolutely loooove to glorify people and think about them in the positive light I put them in. I realized this yesterday when I was thinking about a friend who I haven't seen in some time. We had rough times but yesterday I was in a kind of trance when thinking about her. Almost as if it was a drug, I was feeding my brain more and more nice things to think about her. Even though we had fights and she started to annoy me after some time, to me she was the most perfect person in earth while I was thinking about it and even though I kind of noticed how I'm thinking in black and white again, it was so easy and nice to let my mind wander to this place where my friend lives, the most caring and beautiful person on earth",8.354285714285716,6.0623603885350335,7.362238398544132,82.2266878980892,62.94904458598725,10.754868061874433,34.53048225659691,8.841846274778883,2.5372864422201995,619,19,133,7,7,189,86,157,0.040999999999999995,0.716,0.243,0.9902,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,2,0,2,1,16,11,2,0,7,0,11,3,1,1,1,27,22,17,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,7,9,1,0,8,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,10,6,22,9,24,11,6,23,0,0,3,0,14,10,0,6,11,97,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396168370760599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564757611877614,0.0,0.0,0.1421559708046914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169202392466814,0.0,0.11647406568122065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418154091905906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049890303312457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544319988676613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371968100749475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903852701540924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257440845833522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311733329919215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078236757998355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873951498821004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666170562532336,0.24348601618262197,0.14567241253308355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803269700730145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813675267034628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868773969127828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262965858430433,0.5360383633414106,0.2739742811887965,0.0,0.24390447661746345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wamuiro,2019/06/09,"i broke my right arm and it's a lot more difficult than i thought it would be. i've mostly been feeling really good lately, but since i broke my arm i have constant breakdowns. i normally use drawing and skating as a coping mechanism, and now i cant do neither of those. when i'm with my boyfriend it's a lot better, because i don't feel lonely at all, but i've been alone the whole weekend and i just feel so bad. it's honestly so difficult and i dont know how to handle it at all",1.5121047008546995,3.06629224038462,3.666666666666668,89.35611111111113,78.51923076923076,6.92991452991453,25.97863247863248,7.793537801064563,1.4029542735042733,379,15,84,6,9,130,65,104,0.188,0.6779999999999999,0.134,-0.7695,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,4,0,9,2,2,2,2,23,16,12,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,3,12,3,7,11,8,8,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23857202883145104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233174047489496,0.1404185737994824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372491541597731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489253676291389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699672382797536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494140308415972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320575928464467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659375147303306,0.0,0.2598436339071471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916688572770744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256930502698245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756742728078354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671673334877315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054702081026992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287132552520946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894752250161024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571763616066986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163633275607948,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,burgergay,2019/06/09,"I have trust issues and it’s getting in the way of my relationship. In the past, I’ve been betrayed and lied to. I’ve seen people cheat all the time. I’ve been abandoned by friends.

Now, I have trust issues, and I’m afraid that my girlfriend would do the same. She tells me that she’s not like them, and she would never cheat nor leave me. 

I do think that she’s not that type of person and she seems genuine, but then there will be times when I’d overthink and feel that she’ll abandon me or she’s getting tired of me. The more I worry and tell her my feelings, the more I fear that she’ll lose interest in me. The reason why I tell her is because it gets worse in my head. The more I don’t tell her my feelings, the more I overthink.

I just want to give my full trust, but my anxiety and insecurities get the best of me. What do I do?",1.2407891061452505,2.873088843575424,2.550778631284917,96.70091655027935,79.55865921787709,5.3688547486033515,20.684706703910614,5.985473137389443,-0.19009245810055875,649,17,156,4,16,209,89,179,0.215,0.6729999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,4,15,2,3,10,0,16,2,1,1,2,28,29,14,0,3,6,0,3,1,2,5,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,4,35,7,11,20,8,13,0,3,1,0,21,5,0,2,8,107,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216611407788364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937995646711859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387168338659687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649915215362334,0.22241082515351335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328048569780524,0.0,0.30641764598983473,0.14065404221909603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504773919520751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060724190967776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525247613706472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163254075303713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403351588471304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308461637210974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996814491157789,0.1016498545080096,0.1280254572355401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075275704630742,0.0,0.157418118164204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347997770279998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126194949071248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395003135224904,0.0,0.0,0.17099397947806802,0.16852144979617156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864819829000515,0.116382430071743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230435786305952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890266808282465,0.14942125731835548,0.2083133969341643,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Margister,2019/06/09,"Anyone else feel like disappearing so others wonder where you went? Whenever I don't get any messages / responses or when I realise again that the only time people message me is if I message them first, I feel like completely disappearing for a long time so that people start to think about me, wonder what happened to me, and actually message me.

Usually I can't stop myself from messaging people for more than a day, but when I uninstalled Facebook once and came back after 2 weeks of not sending a single message, nobody messaged me anyway, although I still have the urge to do it nowadays.

Anyone else?",8.442162162162163,8.344096054054052,8.315090090090091,68.39804054054055,61.43243243243244,10.282882882882882,37.41891891891892,9.725611199111238,3.82765945945946,486,21,76,8,6,157,77,111,0.0,0.9470000000000001,0.053,0.5113,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,10,2,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,15,10,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,5,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,2,15,2,10,13,2,21,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,4,17,59,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.15952085926624174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116361685338864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860078252733534,0.33498387832776777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569654311994746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869634589774289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139273527520113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542311973683696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731125145989771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530832482952035,0.23356266320324998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904551122615413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854051073983624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455391513970986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159724086815383,0.0,0.0,0.14466373833715532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408772682111226,0.0,0.12432452437033308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33998368651023997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570325372234325,0.0,0.1305454873816234,0.13666628644124024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047434783567854,0.0,0.0,0.1906386185380753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003653701558364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112389959364076,0.0,0.0,0.1515361619519112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545474164135389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,feastofhate,2019/06/09,"1 year self harm free down the drain, how do you handle relapse? I had a super bad today today, and I’m so disappointed in myself for giving in.  I hate being like this.

This was more of a vent post but I was also wondering, those of you who struggle with self harm urges how do you handle relapse? 

I’m desperately trying to recover my mood, ugh.",2.5031904761904755,4.2585708428571465,4.637142857142859,82.59619047619049,76.28571428571428,6.9523809523809526,21.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.0025238095238098,269,7,53,4,6,93,51,70,0.297,0.606,0.098,-0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,4,11,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,6,11,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,8,4,8,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325960146636748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222127515146502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438229574001709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509401852506716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417458934658715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434245342106567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303093395000016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571359740309664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818467493108767,0.0,0.0,0.17256469855060286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27563644729383746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367710185249856
bpd,BerliozH,2019/06/09,"I keep bailing on treatment Hey all, back again.

Context: not diagnosed, matching symptoms, seeking accurate assessment.

\--

So I bailed on an initial meeting with my GP last time. I've been feeling amazing after exams finished a week ago, but it's all starting to fall apart again. When I feel great, there is no doubt in my mind that I'm fine, and that I don't need any help at all. Now I'm coming back around to feeling crap again I wish I hadn't bailed. How do I stay true to what I think is good for me?

The other issue is that when I talk about the bad stuff when I'm feeling good, I can't give accurate reflections of what I'm feeling because it just all feels made up and fake. Maybe it is??

If I do go through with meeting the GP, what should I do to get the most out of it? What is the best way to do it? Should I prepare anything beforehand?

​

Thank you all so much, even just for reading :)",2.2349193548387087,3.9405856505376335,3.1545026881720446,93.15175403225807,76.90322580645163,5.940322580645162,26.678763440860216,6.6274283507984215,0.9379473118279562,705,28,154,6,16,224,113,186,0.1,0.684,0.21600000000000005,0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,1,18,12,1,1,7,0,15,3,1,2,6,36,36,10,0,5,5,0,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,8,1,0,3,5,4,0,0,3,6,17,8,21,31,8,29,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,3,16,104,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182952305816326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113587765171355,0.1807086331765711,0.10113333146369603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122382232368755,0.13239053918978375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287099056151824,0.12417330786168425,0.0906571050147477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607035302939018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281073781024084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509456271318212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822682835167162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511776986549873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769901051890657,0.14266384523130007,0.0845198596762814,0.24947518458539802,0.0,0.16396210657432306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996825323842559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522294112093432,0.0,0.13218738073881184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122500918552882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072055591048058,0.0,0.0,0.14940720780510144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016277294908875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932483274679494,0.11027250355774704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875823300339525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526335721482206,0.15851358744095256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024651556851966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457493242867465,0.0,0.11953388525945058,0.0,0.13691954227794895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095292481615529,0.0,0.0,0.08671865464678141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804541646612952,0.1192925992854813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101834651788586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807086331765711,0.0
bpd,Mahemium,2019/06/09,"BPD Men, How Do you Deal with Your Emotionality and Relationships? Fair or no, men and expression of intense emotion is somewhat of a faux pas. I could be wrong, but I would say there's an expectation of a certain composure and detachement in the face of interpersonal basics like the forming of relationships, rejection etc

So my question is, as a BPD male, bombarded with the same intense emotions and thoughts as our female counterparts, how do you reconcile them with what's generally expected of you as a male? Particularly when it comes to forming, cultivating and maintaining intimate relationships with others?

For my part, I'd always opted for the tell the truth, 'be yourself' route. I've only recently been diagnosed and I guess you could call me 'high functioning', in that I'm independent, can maintain full time work, physically healthy, my impulsivity has rarely escalated to physicality, sexual or violence etc, but be that as it may, as I approach 30 in a month, I've not really had a romantic relationship. I think I may have been close to 'something' on numerous occasions, but whether it be acting too fast, attaching too much too quickly, waxing an overly sentimental confession of feelings or having a near on nervous breakdown in the face of rejection, I've spooked and scared off any potential partner I thought was special. So, to those more capable in this domain than I, how do you do it?",12.453400000000002,9.710228340000004,12.1432,52.529600000000016,55.6,16.400000000000002,49.8,14.554592549557764,7.263160000000001,1135,62,180,40,10,381,155,250,0.11,0.789,0.10099999999999999,-0.7555,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,6,1,1,11,9,0,2,15,0,23,3,2,4,2,45,30,25,0,5,8,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,5,10,13,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,6,2,20,4,34,15,10,22,1,2,0,0,24,13,0,8,7,139,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027185523974138,0.0,0.0,0.08394881370221105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31095664856316524,0.0,0.1260541209559106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633944578458128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971262261497355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726937719711015,0.0,0.12529703261878056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165868577480319,0.0,0.0,0.2753541088156517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624189737494807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599179324798874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042949730595305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031041444749299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853494598739902,0.0,0.09074841977870172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388770022431074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368205931496324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828991437032356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908389380528337,0.0,0.12188992071633052,0.5301474356889979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981707348481132,0.12359289606452485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503623415380597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078989167028897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910043771508779,0.0,0.1960077065021836,0.07198347051448924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987155054995632,0.0,0.0,0.08769385513895718,0.13497091312939266,0.0,0.0
bpd,AIDSInfectedHooker,2019/06/09,My boyfriend just ghosted me to go to work for 5 hours I can’t live for these 5 hours without him. I need constant contact at all times with him.  This might be the end of me.,1.6362280701754381,2.7523024473684243,2.3921052631578945,100.47307017543864,77.15789473684211,5.066666666666666,25.824561403508767,3.1291,0.023656140350877042,135,5,34,0,3,42,31,38,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,23,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349532978019423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745298158652869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761556508640962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104902265389504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736976239132694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32881529186830394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298291160329449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807383626744168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987873935346514,0.0,0.22565231686267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnortingSmarties94,2019/06/09,"Done with toxic people So a little info I'm 25 F with borderline and the friend is 32 M
Sorry it's long. 


I was upset at a friend bc I thought I heard him talking behind my back. I've never had delusions before and I was not looking to cause trouble so I just left. On Friday (almost a week later) I called him to talk about it and he said he did not say those things and sent me a call log. So I thought jeez what if I am going crazy? And that just kinda left me feeling weird and freaking a little if I was going crazy or not.

He said he was coming home from LA on Friday (I live in San Diego he lives in Carlsbad) and wanted to see if I could come up to where he lives to talk things out. I told him if I was not feeling too tired I would go and see him but I've been having physical health issues that just leave me super tired so after work I just came home and slept.

Today I was doing laundry and about to go out to lunch with my dad when my friend texts me. Saying that he drove down 120 miles for nothing and saying I made him lose $1200 from missing work today. I did not know he came down just to see me and I did not know he missed work to see me. I told him I didn't know but he got mad and said we were over and I wasn't worth losing apparently $4000 a month to come see me. He has never told me he has come home from LA to just see me since he said sometimes he would come home and sometimes not, I thought he came home to take care of stuff at his place or just be away from LA. Then he blamed me for knowing and saying he explained it to me when I swear he did not. I called him out for trying to manipulate me cause I know what I heard because I was sitting in my car listening to him on the freaking phone. There were no loud noises or anything to deter me from hearing him correctly. I've also had guys try to use my borderline to manipulate me in the past like by never talking fault for what they have done and just blamed my borderline for making me crazy when they do something to hurt me or like changing the story to mess with my head and I just didn't want to put up with it anymore so I worked on recognizing it. I've actually had an ex bf say in the past when my friend was off on another tirade that my friend was indeed trying to manipulate me so I'm not going crazy on this. So he ended the friendship and you know what? I am happy with that. I do not need toxic people in my life. I am working on my physical and mental health and trying to build a healthy support system. So hopefully this will be a good thing.",1.9093102585487929,3.215313548623857,3.443984570475397,92.43238219349459,76.81651376146789,6.055462885738116,20.8267306088407,6.464625207383525,0.09328440366972446,1984,46,455,15,44,656,221,545,0.099,0.7759999999999999,0.126,0.9706,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,1,2,8,28,26,1,1,15,0,41,8,2,8,4,102,102,45,0,11,29,2,2,2,6,3,5,14,5,1,21,39,1,0,13,0,1,17,17,13,0,0,44,23,75,13,70,52,0,70,0,5,7,0,68,32,1,11,21,294,96,5,0.0,0.0,0.05626961767198649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773998264517671,0.0,0.0,0.046112135940791735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604634450043265,0.0,0.0,0.057185030402772175,0.0,0.0,0.047450764054203266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054175177201475036,0.0443383796738775,0.0,0.035150109755557844,0.0,0.04906596110211908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663749298691214,0.1978492794675862,0.058790067581172625,0.11846914389019085,0.060998558975242624,0.2483527573522161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046038270605527135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801612149080493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107125683132308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058311096611063325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274689219084606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385270319752368,0.04836399815567834,0.04611742428085875,0.0,0.0,0.057094266535775075,0.0,0.061382078701251334,0.0,0.0,0.05917766188207287,0.12258363473426685,0.06498906091425903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891975303188975,0.05727119701970115,0.0,0.0,0.061728169989084786,0.0,0.0,0.060183958180594424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013656690456976,0.0,0.0,0.06105554076933953,0.12529947044312856,0.0,0.04072824812750263,0.05634130445040026,0.11558458218138425,0.15274932816612424,0.051028895435210775,0.04842140558489009,0.1290176526111611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456100748321774,0.03848971203330275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810955149756115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602511391886617,0.0,0.0,0.042755508268705535,0.13341704899824355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532807062130131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008946189705823,0.07995089019555457,0.0,0.060244328318074476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796605454603245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939837773757465,0.2292749648160883,0.0,0.0,0.27569402616503424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047698452660827714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439088548247976,0.11405802709446307,0.06454768569460917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600898745620952,0.0,0.065433949046782,0.0,0.0,0.043354511898092335,0.18538554416421932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492385140137525,0.0,0.0,0.13733113054974966,0.0,0.1325475574309624,0.10931332466736253,0.16529501771944866,0.0,0.15659436072374291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049801298092615236,0.0,0.0,0.06802086980056649,0.0,0.046252833213991616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989245544701726,0.0,0.0,0.08192260385003312,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Acneisabitchm8,2019/06/09,"Relatives and friends dont support the relationship Excuse my english and bla bla bla !
My gf (nicole) was diagnozed with bpd a year ago since that, she had suffered episodes of splitting I love her so much and i have learn how to deal with this episodes and attacks, the problem is everytime she suffer from this episodes and start splitting on me  her friends ( they dont know she suffer BPD) brother and dad think that she legit hate me and star saying that she should not be with me, now they hate me because they think im making her suffer, but is literally not me, but this bpd episodes instead, her mom and aunt are the only people that support us and understand that Im helping Nicole and giving all my support, but im sick of seeing her crying over people and ""friends"" that make her feel like shit for loving me, calling our relationship ""toxic"" instead of a fucking relationship that probably none of this ""friends"" will ever experience a relationship based on comprehension, support and knowledge about a mental disorder, i don know what to, do i feel traped",11.300469543147207,8.486985411167518,9.886846446700506,68.03859454314723,57.83248730964467,12.489593908629448,44.421954314720814,10.411451182825502,4.613619796954313,854,39,149,13,8,265,106,197,0.198,0.7040000000000001,0.098,-0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,3,0,7,21,5,0,7,0,12,5,1,3,2,36,33,17,0,2,5,4,2,1,5,2,1,1,0,0,12,15,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,2,4,29,11,15,28,3,8,0,4,1,3,37,3,2,0,6,101,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178893503645736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496678440085876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624497381647284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34862034530290753,0.0,0.0942147002967787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135072732994156,0.0,0.09512300064967597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574572560043896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627196228375592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346058654146643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902546172406298,0.0,0.0,0.09330571440336674,0.06591540737771874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851403470680515,0.08529915303807438,0.0,0.08851070457507414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218869001972815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061844478962791875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989918723187221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141482062191494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045076889028740894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665487458810459,0.0,0.12317758667449916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929832147096076,0.0,0.0,0.108061739743533,0.0,0.0,0.06782670099970063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701730452848989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793233810433935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947919630125407,0.08828684931371313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962399752405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337424823155554,0.0,0.0,0.0735246793008875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471052564293676,0.07632403539139239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530690307636193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188130024558739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824165645925384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605297385163597,0.11098557803664733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941678241558668
bpd,mariel__,2019/06/09,"Someone please give me reasons to live First time poster, long time lurker. I’ve hit a low & I don’t know who else to turn to at this point. I’m in a safe place, I just need hope right now. Please send good vibes",-0.8780141843971627,1.1892297446808513,0.01819148936170123,108.88416666666667,91.97872340425532,3.1333333333333333,12.088652482269502,3.1291,-2.0746283687943263,166,2,44,0,6,50,39,47,0.043,0.688,0.26899999999999996,0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,7,0,12,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24553549521438445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893063949389952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927572195021737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173881968345307,0.0,0.19007254586490988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507821183901366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245407834743643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010376030971325,0.2005457041997266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803094484087702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367627428253361,0.4975068661709258,0.21422288561577854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23299629008231634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935265825422089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920087757478253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642801606113475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246490276403728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lille_Masoud_707,2018/12/11,"Give her a chance? So a about 2 years ago I told my former friend with BPD to f\*ck off in the most ruthless way you could tell someone to F off, she broke down completely and tried frantically to get a hold on me, even went so far as to call my mom who couldn't understand a single word that came out of her she was crying so much. She tried multiple times after that messaging me apologizing and asked if we could meet up, I wrote her 'sure i'll keep in touch'. That was one year ago, I still haven't reached out to her. I recently searched her name on Facebook and she's studying psychology now so I can only guess she's gained some understanding of her disorder and behavior and started working on herself. I know no one here can speak for her, but I want some input on what you guys think on me contacting her again or just leave her be at this point?",6.5082183908046005,5.478586258620691,6.530459770114941,82.67718390804599,65.72413793103448,10.491954022988507,31.402298850574713,9.725611199111238,2.4571885057471268,675,21,149,12,9,215,117,174,0.08,0.868,0.052000000000000005,-0.3999,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,0,2,11,4,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,0,1,32,24,13,0,5,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,10,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,6,2,30,2,26,14,5,31,0,1,0,0,34,16,0,6,12,102,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27249211578807986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368904903120608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935801696077343,0.0,0.15694520909683835,0.17579221721630686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115185883693192,0.0,0.0,0.24543439394862734,0.0,0.1688325817819132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615388005458882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151761025825136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874848418445405,0.0,0.08030207225128118,0.1474433500619909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931822827295545,0.15218747925195775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366159044742628,0.0,0.0,0.08446967499703972,0.0,0.0,0.1627464438697825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001195446138665,0.0,0.0,0.11298741849429543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083026261372372,0.11689601761198752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529648055905806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176052118369518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022978041034095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878987595884786,0.0,0.1227452722575564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486073046316564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434085228503065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984849574349738,0.0,0.0,0.08962389127574875,0.0,0.0,0.1468672402442139,0.0,0.20870485312816264,0.0,0.0,0.3200149025158783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065642961703826,0.12200015802889927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248173436495842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189566184713144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795593067113834
bpd,Zambigulator,2018/12/11,"Sense of Humour So my SO and I have a running joke about my BPD... we gave it a nagging scratchy high cartoon voice and it's hilarious!!
""I'm Borderline Personality Disorder, and I tell zam that she's worthless.."" for example. 
The humour really strengthens our bond and helps me not feel like I'm a problem :)",2.0234382566585936,4.7065372033898285,4.09714285714286,80.70033898305086,83.74576271186443,7.439225181598062,28.767554479418894,8.418075326091056,2.64595205811138,241,12,45,6,7,82,45,59,0.14400000000000002,0.565,0.29100000000000004,0.8851,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,8,4,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365775843263789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972764130736583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527025005959598,0.2476377788380351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234369645902064,0.3662413723704001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934949081084358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026703473832163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316851117883949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206475067292936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029763063323728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sailwithgrace,2018/12/11,Transgender / non binary and borderline personality disorder I was recently reading more about borderline personality disorder and the aspect of an unstable sense of identity. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder just few months. I came out as trans almost 3 years ago and more specifically non binary 2 years ago.  I first identified as ftm but now my gender is non binary  . I've gone through 2.5 years of hormone therapy and a masectomy but I wonder if my gender identity doesn't have something to do my disorder?,6.720576923076923,9.64048274725275,8.685810439560441,53.04981456043959,67.68131868131869,14.659890109890108,37.748626373626365,12.815532586354998,7.182174725274727,434,24,60,23,8,153,59,91,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.8338,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,9,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,8,0,10,5,3,12,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,9,40,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657452712504029,0.0,0.1500979216655972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714396407864832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213999753496066,0.0,0.0,0.6871693957314184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750038230979996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964454485718905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926468943398754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499352954602455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800296423412262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539628774676006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141768928817727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625544425743933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28958187839500515
bpd,theimpossiblegirl33,2018/12/11,"HOW DOES ANYONE ‘DO’ A RELATIONSHIP, ever?! [the ‘I’ in this story has been diagnosed with BPD, BD2 and major characteristics of schizophrenia, oh yes, I LOVE my most recent diagnosis] 
Here I am, once again. And with ‘here’ I mean ‘at the point in a relationship where I am actively pushing someone away’. 
I do this over and over again, and am very aware of me doing so, but somehow I cannot change this. It feels so stupid to be aware of something, and to not know how to change it.

So, my question: how do you ‘do’ a relationship? 
(And for me this includes: 
-how do you deal with the fear of not being good enough? with the thoughts of being merely a bad influence on someone’s life?
- how do you deal with the invasive thoughts of your partner not being interested in you anymore (no matter how many times that person tells you that (s)he is)?
- how do you manage the lack of behavioural rules?)",2.9441470588235283,5.210613694117646,3.8937500000000007,86.070625,76.76470588235293,6.602941176470589,24.15441176470589,7.645422480735847,1.1785,688,23,136,10,16,221,95,170,0.14,0.818,0.042,-0.9708,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,7,0,0,18,6,1,1,10,1,19,3,0,8,1,34,25,17,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,8,11,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,1,18,3,24,18,4,16,0,0,0,1,17,10,0,3,5,110,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579899699105384,0.10279603912437267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381250729807212,0.0,0.12275106517591985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515976480582816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31104394467748275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031312314136201,0.0,0.1492167425765713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286534828740694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519053998174456,0.0,0.0,0.13298313867322226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543231768018768,0.07433500812591448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233088864674844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079538925588235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384077239040487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268643252552698,0.0,0.0,0.14904974773531604,0.0,0.1601420177496775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656577006893027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836749376779316,0.0,0.0,0.13897633327806988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469001796966487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515919924093398,0.4735160429508292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24913001740163745,0.1131790353752532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849725601189338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334263699057195,0.08572540598155219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130245641753347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mirukuwu,2018/12/11,"I hate my fucking life (Part 1) I just broke up with my bf again. Everything was such a mess, I think it's been the more unestable relationship of my life.

I hate remembering anything about it. Why the fuck had everything to be so fucking complicated with him. Everything was a problem, everything made him cry and I'm so tired. I just want to move on.

I've probably have the best moments of my life with him and I'm so glad for that, but it wasn't enough.

He made a problem of the most stupid things, he was always reminding situations where I've act like a bitch but if you love someone you don't do that things, if you love someone you don't make her or him like a piece of shit.

He was always talking about his exes, about the girls that he liked and asking me if looking at other girls meant he didn't love me. He put me in some situations that even a normal person would have broken apart, and with all that shit going on in my head because of the BPD I've tried to help him, I've tried to confort him and make things easier. 

I can't be in that relationship anymore. I can't feel like shit for someone that it's supposed to make things better. If I have to cut myself or stay in the bed for a week being sad I want it to be because of me, not because someone is fulling my head of anxiety.

I don't care if I die trying to stay away from him, if I don't stop with this relationship I'm going to end killing myself anyway.

He didn't care if weed made me have panic attacks, he didn't care if I had to study or sleep to go to college the next day, he didn't care if I got pregnant fucking without protection.

I can't do this anymore. I love him with all of my heart and I've given him everything I had. I wish things were different. I'm going to miss him so much and nights are going to be so long without his hugs but I deserve better. Everybody deserves something better that that.",3.82567283349562,4.297398660759495,5.002848101265824,86.25379503407986,71.25316455696202,8.000973709834469,27.597370983446933,8.012643519586192,1.5143437195715674,1481,49,325,19,26,491,163,395,0.198,0.644,0.159,-0.9447,1,0,1,0,0,2,34.0,0,4,0,4,15,39,14,1,15,0,35,20,7,6,2,55,75,27,2,16,20,0,1,4,1,1,4,0,1,3,22,13,0,2,4,0,0,8,15,21,0,0,20,2,50,18,46,49,11,31,0,3,1,9,40,12,8,14,13,214,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207096906379263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515178669239932,0.0,0.133574022297758,0.0,0.0,0.05541825693874723,0.0,0.06295741633349641,0.07661336037487514,0.06327177127061574,0.0,0.0,0.12315657203960975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067322402358724,0.17868050887284906,0.0,0.0,0.08481723147361192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746462052276383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397406561995237,0.043431217092354465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989229222025012,0.07035999803964285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596466693356079,0.06958420730291562,0.0,0.044479982972274464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026215853750993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034051077983493175,0.04811046550116623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490332456568672,0.0,0.0,0.19136533176865245,0.0,0.05386103509798928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297623476206685,0.13822845370703854,0.0,0.0,0.07980279579561776,0.04513916836661706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450600088403048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427008751734771,0.1316032290957339,0.0,0.0,0.05959719500614603,0.05655187960668941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431218439433052,0.1911671598009197,0.1348576441376194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157586322691784,0.04950548420045203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162095681869762,0.06319764859048782,0.06598268223425338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901350713759797,0.0,0.07292683543624658,0.0,0.0,0.058802059097493725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260806891945305,0.12887795394403762,0.0,0.06769917763364035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169063017742885,0.07628746303908095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073825069652263,0.0,0.15139463563201974,0.06739249277480552,0.0,0.22824092885556024,0.051844591893113065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435591841569976,0.0,0.0563024806176495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412844199666851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237013338034843,0.04315122488195839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740185791235693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716617673164513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944230435359972,0.0,0.05401918064522613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076735703904916,0.0,0.07744211300224317,0.12983415158486594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047839144424168416,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ReginaldThatchery,2018/12/11,"Does anyone need to talk? Does anyone need someone to talk to? I'm a college student with lots of issues trying to get thru finals week, and I'm scared of being alone and laying in bed through all of winter break. :c",2.2677272727272744,4.227049409090913,3.45,89.92000000000002,77.63636363636364,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.309209090909091,170,4,33,0,4,55,32,44,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.8105,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,17,0,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513068009092103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393257258921914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246801417317608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658054820036243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677187602970927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532580957895429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628790395123575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598360405659671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429297416146392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559212377352573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900573451903416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473986925748352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463499608146154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sightlaber,2018/12/11,"just saw my ex unfollowed me on all social media and to top it off, i’m still in love with them!

brain has officially switched to “screaming and crying all damn day” mode",5.632941176470588,5.632298176470589,5.963529411764708,82.58588235294121,67.23529411764707,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.9385764705882358,134,4,28,2,2,43,31,34,0.204,0.6559999999999999,0.141,-0.4003,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,6,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,6,3,2,6,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482173519512125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744516661944753,0.2785572638414465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898310947913553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402953111088736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34493756078029103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,clusterbucked,2018/12/11,"just saw my ex unfollowed me on all social media and to top it off, i’m still in love with them!

brain has officially switched to screaming-and-crying-all-damn-day mode. ",5.632941176470588,5.632298176470589,5.963529411764708,82.58588235294121,67.23529411764707,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.9385764705882358,134,4,28,2,2,43,31,34,0.0,0.805,0.195,0.7424,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,6,3,1,5,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.54774920212473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31644110022795097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428481915627166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001755500865507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918491291090153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamfkntired,2018/12/11,"Does anyone else just flatline emotionally after a strong episode of STRONG emotions? Like, I get super pissed alright? Like really, really pissed and it just keeps kinda getting higher but then suddenly it just zaps out and I feel tranquil. Like I'm just existing there and I have thoughts in my head that I think about, but I don't feel anything, and somehow I can function better? Like there's nothing. It's just me. My thoughts are just there floating and I can grasp them but they don't make me feel anything.",2.617027491408937,5.513126432989694,2.7686855670103085,89.60979810996565,83.63917525773195,5.295189003436427,25.609106529209622,6.816661863887847,1.2186982817869425,412,17,75,5,12,125,59,97,0.051,0.7090000000000001,0.239,0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,4,11,12,2,0,1,1,6,3,3,1,0,26,17,9,0,0,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,13,10,5,15,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,7,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570337709937458,0.1988551529017111,0.3194182015278769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716456210911803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983837364088045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212670030887422,0.4366217336416085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943939783669443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279478254378572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991793251991071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250484242290967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792655081111863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954812045765568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622242617290316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486618061096635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435691238678374,0.0,0.308151432390584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,you-know-me-boo,2018/12/11,"So I start DBT today. Anyone have experience? Hola! So I’m diagnosed with borderline and I’m pretty high functioning, I’m pretty skeptical that DBT will work but I am willing to try anything at this point. My biggest problems are my rage and how impulsive I am. I get bored with everything so quick and these classes are once a week for 6 weeks. I’m more concerned with how I’ll be able to slow down my thinking so I don’t lash out on people. I don’t necessarily yell or get violent but the words I use are extremely hurtful and I stay in that state for a few minutes until I have space or something happens that pulls me out of it.  Also, will it help with how I feel when I’m around everyone? Like they all share this thing that I don’t have which allows them to connect. Maybe if I slow myself down and stop thinking so critically this might help. Does anyone have experience with DBT? How has it helped you? Your situation doesn’t have to mirror mine, I can learn from anyone’s really. I’m just curious on what to expect. Because right now I’m really thinking it’s not going to help. Lol thanks everyone! ",1.8652702702702728,4.308088612612615,3.6445270270270282,85.4084121621622,81.7927927927928,6.943243243243244,23.213963963963966,8.07648339933343,1.4886720720720732,880,31,174,18,24,294,130,222,0.111,0.747,0.142,0.7506,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,2,1,15,9,3,0,3,1,21,1,0,6,1,37,39,22,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,15,13,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,0,2,23,3,25,34,3,29,0,1,0,0,9,14,0,4,12,115,38,3,0.13296582905054138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633272545248704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27891839784496136,0.0,0.10941954788572099,0.11836777824777912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105473524500424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495751757758626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163592930430386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541090955664275,0.11950111346447564,0.2601321899072833,0.0,0.0,0.06723151834409677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389383154333962,0.0,0.07556754484815559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758124350299977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35649676965277216,0.1404856987224891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234267006329235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496038771064283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335820471033991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105573220689605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160426840361534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218176390442734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569568680685356,0.0,0.0,0.2705481004456409,0.0,0.1272303409739122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036262974883482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355209149621545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494591629026572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236359132576474,0.0,0.0,0.09411389817333947,0.1417238821013768,0.0,0.11116538690195482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241707086720832,0.0,0.0,0.08833658854793759,0.25559740299217515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603605865360468,0.0,0.0,0.09027506981906888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483978456471823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331433537834946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096800707164175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MissDexter,2018/12/11,"My mood flares so dramatically at work I swear every job I've worked, I've ended up hating with such enormous vitriolic passion, just because someone has said something that I've taken the wrong way. 

At the moment I'm sat seething and seeing black, just because of one little bit of micromanagement. It's a really great job, that I really like, and they are really accomodating of me and my needs, but yet here I am sat fuming, thinking of handing my notice in etc. 

Why can't I just handle things like a normal person!",5.212257142857143,6.470669540000002,6.501428571428572,73.89500000000002,68.6,8.514285714285714,27.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.167071428571429,414,13,73,7,7,140,72,100,0.124,0.775,0.10099999999999999,-0.342,2,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,7,8,2,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,11,13,5,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,4,9,4,9,9,2,10,0,0,2,1,3,6,0,0,5,43,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375689832539766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036770007731852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625534898984168,0.0,0.20468494810669424,0.0,0.0,0.15463230633644515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023429515204607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811983072558668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642512732779435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793273992470982,0.18394571014855932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608549138340542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798208582223904,0.0,0.20895061566042927,0.0,0.0,0.1243649719547298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602516959619123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527228869596507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457947088067555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462499942165308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550474123866456,0.1412906946600224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192946533220353,0.11759889154055893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567791595426596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560767044713465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26722468373118136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006617186039428,0.0,0.0
bpd,wishfulredhead,2018/12/11,"Asking boyfriend (46 m) of three years refuses to participate in my therapy. I’m 37f and I’ve been in DBT treatment for a a year and eight months. I’ve been on lithium and seroquel for five years. I’ve been in recovery from alcoholism in AA for three years. 

There has been a vast change in my life in this time. One area I continue to struggle is in my relationship. Sensing or experiencing abandonment and social media attention from women are two areas that set me off and when I say set me off, I experience a trigger that inspires a fear so strong that it releases adrenaline and the fight or flight response with an intensity that doesn’t allow me the buffer moment to choose to access my skills. Not even TIPP which is designed for these moments. I fly off the handle and say horrible things and threaten to leave and I just lose all self-control. 

At this point. I’m ready to consider all areas. Possibly it is a medication issue where an upped dosage of my lithium or the addition of some medication used to treat intermittent rage that works to slow that response when triggered. And I am wanting my partner to join me in therapy not because I expect him to walk on eggshells or that he necessarily needs to change anything he is doing. I just feel I could benefit from support in addressing these issues and him to be in on the process I am going through. I feel like I could benefit from him being present at my psychiatrist appointment to weigh in and help me consider pros and cons of medication changes. 

I know that my recovery is my responsibility. And I know I am responsible to recover regardless of who is and isn’t in my life. Does it make sense that I am desiring his involvement at this time? Or is it just more BPD clingy nonsense? I don’t trust my own perceptions and desires at this point and that is painful. I intuit something such as this, and then immediately second guess it. 

What if he says no? I’ve mentioned it and he says he has been in therapy with women in the past and all that happens is he is told what to do and the focus is on him. I explained that this isn’t therapy for him, but for me, as someone who accepts responsibility for her diagnosis and is seeking solutions, and that he is just there to balance my perspective, learn, and give feedback and support. He is “thinking about it” currently. 

What if he tells me he doesn’t want to be involved? That’s going to hurt. Does this mean I need to rethink my involvement with him if, under the context I’ve described, he refuses to engage in this with me, after being together this amount of time? 

I have a hard time trusting my perceptions due to knowing BPD drives my bus and things are often distorted.

Thoughts? Experiences? ",5.4111837606837625,6.642686742307693,6.2683333333333335,75.84888888888892,68.11538461538461,9.854700854700855,33.482905982905976,10.06067010832803,3.4536495726495726,2166,99,402,53,36,715,239,520,0.062,0.857,0.081,0.8139,1,0,2,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,0,4,14,20,2,2,17,0,41,8,0,5,3,87,67,41,0,13,15,0,3,1,1,0,7,4,1,3,40,31,2,3,17,0,0,4,8,8,1,7,7,8,52,12,75,54,7,62,0,3,0,0,43,35,0,11,22,290,92,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207681477812067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090078149096954,0.0,0.08054620021035493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252118276358169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702624108247476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734315613692164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663364395871107,0.1375804764996386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079508131590025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056906617559714386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855832355153175,0.0,0.09695182454283084,0.08712825602970647,0.06155136935644163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265070771815995,0.09793127624113132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491286918305228,0.0,0.07618933009803247,0.0,0.07718074132262857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774996345668081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223403625775417,0.0,0.0,0.1798533597203895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420507282890617,0.0,0.0,0.09122899580615842,0.0,0.0,0.12171203893363901,0.04209249940834373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963888841264238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751120591875492,0.0,0.0,0.09385143740062013,0.0,0.2603856876468133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877057957024507,0.0,0.0,0.12777029030900527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838296356721246,0.0,0.09167830119159276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224766279322243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628945210769428,0.0971303209387512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925015638986448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740655415066639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898816967167062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782734065431133,0.07300148506100693,0.06632872061214264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007116109932299,0.0,0.0,0.19554239919751792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530598370255615,0.0,0.3941172196362552,0.0,0.1144792367235202,0.05520663650256952,0.0,0.06839991356017727,0.20095794186124133,0.0,0.0,0.0823277641324192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416395196069641,0.0,0.0,0.07441294201285623,0.0,0.0,0.10163656840270513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272412854407469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193198621840468
bpd,hae-dude-hae,2018/12/11,"Bpd and Pmdd? How many of y’all deal with pmdd in addition to bpd? I’m not diagnosed with bpd but I’ve got a loaaaaad of the signs and I am diagnosed with pmdd. 
I basically become a monster the few days before my period. It’s the only time I really experience intense uncontrolled anger. I want to break stuff and scream at people. And self injure. Basically I’m a hot mess. 
Anybody feel me? ",0.5835673187571935,3.077852696202534,3.3425546605293452,83.88975834292293,91.65822784810128,7.42968929804373,21.105868814729575,8.296473431620573,1.7698506329113919,309,11,62,9,11,108,55,79,0.192,0.7659999999999999,0.042,-0.9321,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,14,6,6,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,9,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418727012544688,0.15732067707701064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6985559431230107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923337703050317,0.1906048752656403,0.0,0.3753019901475532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808497413223366,0.0,0.0,0.09348172331591477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786675426193024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874409868160393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061083494198887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281736655712952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843992676204795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287189452687592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116452702957508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780598381771338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904799429201584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DebbieDowner68,2018/12/11,"Struggling to get s/o to understand? I was recently diagnosed with bpd, and through cbt and understanding of what bpd means to me, I feel as though I have made tons of progress towards being stable. I'm actively identifying my triggers and trying to understand why I'm upset and what the root of the problem is before I spiral. I'm trying so, so hard to be the closest to mentally stable that I can manage. It feels like my s/o is having a hard time putting everything into perspective. For me, it's huge when I only cry for 15min over something my mind has blown out of proportion - but to him, it's a step backwards that I even had to cry at all. He tries to be understanding, and I'm working on communicating with him and explaining my mindset and how it twists when I'm upset, but I'm not 100% sure he's fully understanding what bpd does to your mind. 

Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to get him to understand a little better? It's really affecting my perception of myself and how far I believe I've come. ",5.72529411764706,5.747589372549019,7.062549019607843,74.70647058823529,67.0392156862745,10.525490196078431,32.196078431372555,10.317481424215053,3.2399490196078435,808,31,156,19,12,277,114,204,0.107,0.825,0.068,-0.8228,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,9,7,0,3,6,0,12,1,0,7,2,40,32,20,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,13,0,0,11,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,3,4,20,3,30,26,2,19,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,5,101,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995295649395991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926352721968591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121798017739167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666939432933972,0.11475344329423663,0.0,0.0900806943916807,0.0,0.0,0.3848408335160876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773733389198171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237614580366898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337864284922237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782644792761375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727294059013271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153890165345008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102999866148392,0.0727637978063301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642796894218452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824805496566804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976022707756795,0.102083455683473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096375763693434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094776747054592,0.0,0.0,0.10264385981477678,0.0,0.20568497370772984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746379005602294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745955775724263,0.0,0.10239038890342103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524963474351902,0.0,0.100567541922496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841140929660584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647886185048176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599523954022232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007004746332307,0.0,0.05939129869105544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745448720147652,0.0,0.0,0.6361953400048037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190648302305993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415019120905493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sweetistan,2018/12/11,"Me [23M] with my girlfriend [24F] of 3 years - Has the relationship come to an end? Hello.

​

I'm typing this after a huge fight with my girlfriend. It is important to note that she has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder many years ago. At the beginning of our relationship we always had big fights over nothing but we have overcome these and after that everything was great. 

​

Well until the past few months or so. We had our occasional fights but nothing out of the ordinary. But slowly these little fights about nothing returned. They could be about basically anything - for example about me wanting to order a pizza because it was too late to cook. But she wants to cook and is upset that I don't want. Then things escalate and we end up in a huge (unnecessary) fight. This type of stuff suddenly occured more often again. The reason for the fights are often so damn ""unimportant"" that I forgot about most. 

Today happened another example. We had a beautiful evening, went home, cooked dinner together (even in that ""cute couple manner"", hugging, kissing, etc) and after dinner we talked a bit. We talked about religion and marriage and had different opinions on a particular subject. To make it short: She wants a Christian marriage and I don't particularily need that but I'd do it for her. She then felt guilty for ""pushing"" me to do this. I said it was no problem for me. Well, from there on she began to cry as it was a big topic for her apparantly. A big overflow of emotions and I guess that's where BPD comes into play (?)

​

In the end, we kind of started a heated discussion. I was starting to get tired and said let's go to bed and she agreed. From there on she said I was inconsiderate for just going to bed, not talking to her face to face (the bed is in the same room). As so often, I kind of got the feeling that she WANTED to make a fight out of this. She kept pushing until I lost my temper. A big fight again. Until I went to bed, a few hours later she came too and early in the morning, she came to me and hugged me, kissed me, etc. 

Fast forward to the next morning. Everything was okay and she said that we should drop the whole thing about yesterday. I was still kinda ""sad"" about it but I agreed. A bit later she suggested we could have a coffee together and asked if she could stay for one more night (we do not live together). I wasn't too sure about it but I agreed at first. She was a bit cold and distant the whole time and after some time (when we were still at home), I decided to adress it. I told her that I was not too sure if spending another night together was a good idea. Maybe we could take the time for ourselves, come down a bit. From there on it escalated again. I absolutely lost my temper (which was not okay, I admit) after she kept pushing me (in my opinion). I told her that I needed some time alone, I needed to come down, think about the whole thing. She just criticized me for being sad all morning and also kind of refused to leave, discussing more and more. 

In the end, she told me we had to discuss things NOW or never, i.e. if she'd leave, she'd not come back. I told her that it was her decision if she'd like to talk at a later point but I did not feel capable talking about it now. After slowly packing her things up, putting the ring I gifted her two years ago on the table, she left. 

​

To be precise: This was not the only occurance of such a fight although it was one of the hardest ones. I don't know how to proceed from here. She does not go to therapy, nor does she want to. I need an unbiased opinion on this as I'm not really sure what this all means. Is this typical behaviour for somebody with BPD? And most of all - does it even make sense to continue this relationship?",3.4546300938352665,5.2604352070365366,4.415674260742254,84.9820969852925,73.79025710419486,7.498134386299608,25.91718982231194,8.249195462096736,1.6263649637303397,2954,102,587,49,61,957,292,739,0.134,0.782,0.084,-0.988,1,1,0,0,9,0,125.0,16,0,1,3,47,37,12,1,43,2,51,14,2,5,8,128,108,49,0,20,25,0,3,1,2,1,2,5,7,1,45,47,6,4,11,4,1,17,16,18,2,5,44,9,92,19,105,52,23,115,1,4,0,4,88,39,1,18,59,439,137,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027668898886937,0.0,0.0,0.05273874106863412,0.0,0.040721460548785865,0.04237030463017324,0.22069128635615545,0.24749808231783324,0.0,0.10679009940241298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190359819644928,0.0,0.047604208851990716,0.0,0.0,0.03915506280180113,0.0,0.031040934853556162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223699299160678,0.0,0.12826629288372596,0.0,0.0,0.11647998896703878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931942219475534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626249213529805,0.056343056044590126,0.05593426596080756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051683686319630696,0.0,0.053201548547708664,0.058359813449569066,0.0,0.13368378382967186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572792082694082,0.18040336911775032,0.0,0.11358062588879295,0.10089840986780928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152892219722199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149431861609589,0.0,0.0488920917454489,0.0,0.0,0.04331332898449949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026604091574629517,0.0,0.08681863790873423,0.04271007193001853,0.0407261306627811,0.05614052056700298,0.05609516073423453,0.0,0.045029222642506805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021557174172842,0.0,0.0501468726329205,0.0,0.0,0.057483547698636187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907898186419314,0.0279848191447461,0.0,0.057441042833414536,0.1078358546615942,0.05532575468836559,0.052070115276866856,0.0,0.02487740114001662,0.05103616333659604,0.04496412649920125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117245126108853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197037665599112,0.051625844894845514,0.05115693252476386,0.055467836042056864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04064461171581773,0.0,0.0,0.15102893914460352,0.0392733712175997,0.0,0.05415500166836885,0.09557171299787423,0.0,0.14658005744552866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035160485706356,0.038727672525402414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860980290778901,0.0,0.04446220422032897,0.0,0.0,0.04813675121818401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872446641925661,0.0,0.05118961321583277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03262126065509557,0.052355211340810184,0.0,0.1640101117917446,0.0,0.0,0.19374991423038526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208421255543873,0.05427495109575421,0.08133106336968192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058292298192708376,0.0,0.0,0.14397716138944208,0.0,0.03828621272579727,0.20464162982743947,0.0,0.0,0.058232537310053685,0.0,0.16914806284996967,0.03262808484100771,0.0,0.0,0.11876964785235007,0.058526134396521184,0.048267100916928304,0.1946285767840988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974236322113712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020695265349115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156808809675726,0.0944084505539498,0.0,0.17055424657512566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24749808231783324,0.09837425535239447
bpd,sopjoh,2018/12/11,"BPD-signs only express in contact with (ex)SO My SO and I broke up a moth ago. We fought a lot the last six months. Most of the fights started when I was hurt/disappointed. I got hurt/disappointed by the smallest things (which made me feel kinda selfish and spoiled). When I’m hurt I can get really mean, I say mean things impulsive and in the heat of the moment. I don’t really mean those, and when I’m calmed down I feel so sorry. I create some sort of push off and attract cycle.

But only to my ex SO. When friends hurt/disappoint me (which doesn’t happen that often), it feels less heavy/sad, and I react in a way healthier way.

​

Another thing which only appeared with my ex SO was not being able to see different options. It was mostly my way/option or nothing at all. Pretty black/white. While with friends, it’s perfectly fine when something goes different then planned.

​

With my ex SO I was kinda controlling and jealous. I had a hard time trusting him around other girls (two other exes cheated on me). And I didn’t want him to do things with other girls which he didn’t do with me (like having dinner somewhere). And I definitely didn’t want him to build a friendship with ex dates he kissed or went on a date with. While I really don’t care how much other people my friends see, and what they do together.

​

When I talked to some friends about the fights with my ex SO, they all said they couldn’t imagine me fighting, since I’m a nice person. I’ve heard it around four times, from four different people.

​

Can anyone relate to reacting more fervid to a SO than friends?",3.304142857142857,5.424611041269841,3.89400793650794,87.18196428571432,75.09523809523809,6.65873015873016,24.583333333333336,7.5804360353943165,1.2155238095238097,1278,42,247,17,28,403,164,315,0.099,0.733,0.168,0.9716,3,0,1,0,4,0,63.0,1,0,3,3,19,23,6,0,14,0,19,2,0,5,3,55,43,30,0,3,4,5,4,1,5,0,0,3,0,3,19,22,1,1,7,0,0,3,8,9,0,4,14,9,34,14,34,27,10,34,0,2,2,1,32,11,0,13,19,166,53,0,0.07509886775132804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657061505515975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254783673303536,0.3650133771942419,0.0,0.07874771082817174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052510874467376976,0.0,0.0,0.1337078283664835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458439497230213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765683007496444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422976596945374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353869984627753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391673201071392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901059946693998,0.0,0.03923605880860876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006342495286709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640968073467991,0.0,0.06727383458427394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215795646380949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121560052968975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036689513392965216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638463718012542,0.0,0.0710603644809637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454140489060528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994319975411905,0.0,0.055206308783698116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205938903506301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134821902841735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412819813895707,0.06557343462209511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640254703340818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433077309373704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143622069918545,0.05972163388369499,0.0,0.0,0.119688149029247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212255945418469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057814777393690814,0.0,0.08406703401275076,0.05315536512614101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060361625203966575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956940300634432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758150742979194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336068150076995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859051588860746,0.17882995696932655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961740278884135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650133771942419,0.0
bpd,_kit__kat_,2018/12/11,"We had an exhausting conversation and now I haven’t heard from her in a couple of days For clarity, my SO has BPD. She went a few weeks acting strange and distant and then decided to finally bring up why. This exhausted her and now I haven’t heard from her. She is friendly to everyone but me and I’m having a very hard time grasping what the hell to do. I told her I will be by her side no matter what, kept reassuring her, and I have been here through it all. 

But I don’t want to reach out if she isn’t because idk if she wants me to. I fear that the silence from my end either 1) makes her feel abandoned. 2) doesn’t matter. 3) that she has all together moved on and doesn’t want me in her life. ",2.4757474069554632,3.403351449664432,4.026955460646737,90.31723611958513,74.77181208053692,7.834289200732154,24.954850518608907,8.296473431620573,1.2292630872483217,542,17,128,9,11,181,92,149,0.168,0.742,0.08900000000000001,-0.945,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,6,0,16,3,0,1,2,27,28,13,0,5,5,0,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,6,9,0,2,3,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,7,4,26,2,17,19,4,18,1,1,0,0,20,6,1,2,8,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031971711599892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899121759359697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546972803147395,0.0,0.14845142233520447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038771531914396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995332104104992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590241094715636,0.1163893461228004,0.0,0.0,0.2521583526512509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778417257758084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062021306325923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258772150712114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365145491573695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446521053810511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342237553993907,0.0,0.0,0.21995332104104992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992819051840967,0.4073103586920026,0.0,0.18464194045296176,0.0,0.0,0.21338543986493927,0.207707754650654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Eechimine,2018/12/11,Anyone have experience studying the sciences through graduate school whilst struggling with BPD? I am currently en route to getting my masters in Neuroscience or Biology and then working hopefully working for a corporate industry ,13.426857142857143,15.0996684,11.800714285714287,41.62678571428575,50.71428571428571,16.142857142857142,63.214285714285715,14.554592549557764,10.627857142857145,194,16,19,8,2,61,34,35,0.077,0.8490000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,14,2,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23942857943777746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312670005004238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349532399624609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890073091657566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34010110903549684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465481224651567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579725593103153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985728295579924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lazawolf,2018/12/11,"DAE have a GP that's not your SO? I've been with the same guy for 8 years. And I love him so much, but I keep getting other FP's that suck me in so that in the moment I'm obsessed with them and my SO gets understandably concerned/ self conscious. We've talked about how I'm naturally poly, but hes naturally mono, so this always feels like an impass. How do I balance having a healthy relationship with my long term partner while still having ""friendships"" with these other FPs that come in and out of my life over the years? They're all I can think about, and in the moment I feel like I would do anything for them, and that scares me. Because I cant lose my SO due to lack of self control and my mental illness. Help?",4.7078448918717415,4.708124154362416,5.200894854586132,87.26198359433262,69.20134228187919,7.696047725577928,27.29381058911261,6.937597516519254,1.062015063385533,565,16,125,4,9,181,94,149,0.109,0.765,0.126,0.4102,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,2,11,7,1,2,7,0,10,4,0,3,1,28,22,17,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,4,9,12,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,2,19,3,17,20,5,16,0,1,0,1,13,6,1,0,11,84,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158886699471469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571365717458427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164020823177702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448755526623576,0.0,0.0,0.21416801349240785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931013335367244,0.27283115823385523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952824694677293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890717144096306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279905677370613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697262048200914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134874483299345,0.18657822704206692,0.0,0.0,0.16898580767859753,0.0,0.2136255551423315,0.0,0.0,0.17234091788561742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243390259395424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037110691653712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501013284336486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911754680677049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984075037751644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249387909889114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347934560087698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235382199189986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878693882279266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564625748472708,0.0,0.0,0.2459326310778922
bpd,designertalk,2018/12/11,"broken up with just need to vent sorry for grammar and stuff, its almost 4 am. had a really bad outburst a week ago, knew what was going on but just couldnt stop and argued with my partner/fp. i didnt talk to them for 2 days. then after calming down i had apologized and they accepted the apology, but said it would be best for us to take some time apart. they said they still wanted to talk but they would need some time, and made a new instagram and removed me from a lot of stuff. i feel very confused and afraid. i ruin everything. we didnt even really talk about it. i just accepted it, went full panic i hate you/ please dont leave me mode. we were texting so it was easy to hold it in and not lose them. super pathetic.",1.311,3.3879067666666667,2.8633333333333333,92.345,81.33333333333334,6.4,19.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,0.4653333333333332,565,14,124,9,15,185,99,150,0.183,0.622,0.195,-0.191,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,1,6,3,7,13,2,3,5,0,13,0,0,1,0,36,25,12,0,6,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,9,11,0,2,4,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,12,3,19,5,18,9,5,19,0,2,0,0,18,6,0,5,10,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325741865570728,0.0,0.1497607823845228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487472380978458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569519453500393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645256892893213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528091949167884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878168080042753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344131308165103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562104325382774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499728577154321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476576102164537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583603793356913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731720128145985,0.0,0.1271489049509037,0.0,0.14151544205663286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179079647174627,0.0,0.14444409560844426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754741463335006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416982628215426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162143159010875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845279059554668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741799127545193,0.0,0.0,0.11943725106474312,0.12503722566871564,0.0,0.0,0.3424163691423582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124490400639181,0.3606272837068458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174417002086072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989991826175958,0.0,0.0,0.12340105335036587,0.08821321217230703,0.0,0.11996644564642694,0.0,0.0,0.13864180971287834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124834938547241,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lll1lll1,2018/12/11,"My best friend has BPD and I don't understand him Hello everyone. My best friend has BPD and I have depression LOL whatever, I can't understand him. I don't understand if he wanna me or no. Sometimes he says loves me and sometimes he says I just friend for him. I don't understand am I a girlfriend or a friend for him? LOL. All the BPDs like that's? or because I have depression I don't understand him? 
Sorry for my English.",0.3312068965517234,2.758997436781609,2.5639367816091965,89.59349137931038,91.87356321839079,7.037931034482759,23.34195402298851,8.07648339933343,1.7950160919540232,335,14,70,9,12,113,41,87,0.094,0.55,0.35600000000000004,0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,10,0,0,3,2,10,1,0,0,1,15,16,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,2,19,8,4,16,3,0,0,2,0,1,17,0,0,4,1,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843983115274453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700755144912933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241263964456695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165728447216115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229556452831404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976597224817687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628647028238082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613531502600186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465699427731407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545281493890704,0.14404249666347066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6697824302688775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,QueenoftheLostBoys,2018/12/11,"I was feeling some type of way when I wrote this. no one decides
they want to be
a bad person

no one decides
they want to be
a liar
a thief
an addict
a failure

but bad things happen 
to good people

big things
little things
these things change us

they chip away the dam
that keeps the evil at bay
and it develops 
a crack
a trickle
a tiny but steady stream of black water
that slowly erodes the dam surrounding it

and the stream becomes 
a raging river 
dark
angry

and sooner or later
the dam crumbles away

we begin by rationalizing
the things we do
as retaliation for perceived wrongs
perpetrated by people
who's dam has already broken
and washed away
in that angry river
because

bad things happen
to good people 

without even noticing
we become someone 
we don't recognize in the mirror

or at least wish we didn't",4.731666666666668,6.430885133757961,5.1456210191082805,81.47388800424629,70.27388535031847,6.7619957537155,25.18524416135881,7.1686216300943375,1.184762632696391,654,19,117,6,12,208,96,157,0.24600000000000002,0.675,0.08,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,6,0,3,0,2,10,3,0,16,0,7,3,0,0,0,24,16,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,9,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,2,11,2,18,11,2,14,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,3,3,82,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716413665084048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388472852912603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546406584632605,0.0,0.3151673888138389,0.07669969109288861,0.27792018570984345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310258952385476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310399268079223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361919107022093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21106640885927969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225272842539732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183603609883193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610631673790165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324874714269067,0.0,0.0,0.17051997061260354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168660453318576,0.1098625845225622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066082494506168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015417569384273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134791561914468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842570159395074,0.09987134462776684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468865233458095,0.1212875507365987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756618854010655,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkredwine,2018/12/11,"If any of you need a friend I've suffered with BPD for years now and I've found that having a friend always helps. Message me if you need someone to rant to, talk about life, etc. You don't have to go through this alone.",1.6815957446808518,3.198882212765959,2.0478191489361706,101.30875,77.93617021276594,4.7,20.26063829787234,3.1291,-0.7286978723404256,172,4,42,0,4,52,37,47,0.149,0.6809999999999999,0.17,0.2846,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,8,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778320531610592,0.0,0.0,0.223210271802672,0.0,0.0,0.1824231074780429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378587237877566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991760691531689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941285815127332,0.4145074508364031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245592350816745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980617325302176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947696803216504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39781647607661214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22729222470336985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156138088438275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727479065606115
bpd,flannelfuk,2018/12/11,i belong nowhere and everywhere. life has no meaning. I do not have a place in this world. I belong nowhere and everywhere. My life has no meaning. It never will. I do not matter to anyone.,-0.20173745173745414,1.803176702702704,1.7795366795366796,91.71864864864864,106.29729729729729,4.276447876447877,21.501930501930502,6.1826913282559595,0.6833660231660232,146,6,28,2,7,48,24,37,0.159,0.841,0.0,-0.5383,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341542491361319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730679955357592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7295598982360046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582782992216617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498758840622052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NightWindRider,2018/12/11,"What is a DBT therapy session like? Also, can CBT be a good alternative? Because I can't find any DBT therapists near me.",1.213750000000001,3.7751962083333375,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,86.91666666666666,8.200000000000001,28.83333333333333,8.841846274778883,3.130933333333333,95,5,18,3,3,34,22,24,0.0,0.758,0.242,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290357787660638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979956704683034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508156150472611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760571172591505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451040701698813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010132973490606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705280214687356,0.47772423680736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,badIoser,2018/12/11,"The psychiatrist said I don't have BPD because I'm productive I don't really know. I went to the doctor for my depression today and I raised concerns about BPD (a good example would be that any relationship I've had lasted less than 5 months. They were all abusive, and I wasnt the victim) and my black and white thinking (I frequently swap between I am an amazing person to I hate myself and I want to disappear). I believe I'm high functioning (at least outside relationships) and I can cope with my depression and lots of self blame (or blaming others) quite well. I don't know if what he says is right or wrong. Maybe I don't have BPD. I don't even know why I go to the doctor anymore to be honest. I'm not asking for self diagnosis but I just wanted to vent a bit. Should I try bringing it up to another doctor. I just don't want to feel that how much I contradict myself is just in my head and its not a real problem.",1.5671578947368408,3.707688136842105,3.7121052631578975,86.25973684210527,80.78947368421052,6.947368421052633,23.157894736842106,8.032893268588372,1.3477894736842102,726,25,150,14,19,248,115,190,0.105,0.8170000000000001,0.078,-0.6972,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,2,0,8,0,19,4,1,1,1,33,36,13,0,7,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,3,6,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,9,6,1,0,5,5,26,4,18,27,6,13,0,2,2,0,10,5,0,4,4,102,32,3,0.0,0.1413001601537602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109891619107522,0.12505146554946134,0.0,0.0,0.11827099595210736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148928817514647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269802008209089,0.0,0.0,0.1343619110074943,0.0,0.0,0.1301978637801837,0.0,0.4506004206980992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054319276455389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661940797067548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876818853798903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029997206153175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777655711686646,0.10002719575052753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774169447568444,0.12239218829846987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600167178516022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966217467782252,0.0972104519638874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138812010909096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980978425968347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518987790429882,0.0,0.08766768898262116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413069807828926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411293683477698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684460344901238,0.0,0.1357406863106754,0.0763991507792998,0.0,0.0,0.2560749852187792,0.0,0.10184491014624696,0.11344080986989252,0.09483803101858136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488223245975471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641513305582677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130417846085318,0.0,0.0,0.08096774135133977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102277886832135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072264533710411,0.11055252470116643,0.10761098175758503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471682081910427,0.13038891545200254,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwdaway234,2018/12/11,"What are the worst things you’ve ever said to people during mood swings/rough times? I recently only started treatment, but last year i was completely horrible to a former FP (and a lot of other friends) and I still feel guilty about it so often and think about it at least once a week even though we have not talked since last year. I think I feel worse because I managed to repair my friendships with other friends but not my FP.

I basically went on a rant where said that i thought they were a piece of shit/garbage person because I felt that they weren’t understanding I was going through a rough time and weren’t there for me  (realistically they were there for me in the beginning and I probably  just overwhelmed them for being fucking crazy) 
They blocked me after that and we haven’t talked since. I was only diagnosed with GAD then, and didn’t get a BPD diagnosis until much later. But I always knew the way I emotionally reacted to things my friends did wasn’t normal.

I’m glad I’m doing therapy now, but I know during my moods that I can be a horrible person who lashes out, and since my parents would do it to me as a kid I am ashamed that I’ve found myself following their footsteps. I just want to break the cycle. Does anyone else relate to where they’ve said or done horrible things to their friends/family/FP? ",5.3831357466063405,6.191113684615388,5.669321266968327,81.65685520361994,67.92307692307692,8.733031674208146,28.75565610859729,8.841846274778883,2.089907239819005,1058,35,207,17,17,337,145,260,0.141,0.787,0.071,-0.9689,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,7,0,15,10,1,2,13,0,21,2,0,1,1,40,44,18,0,3,9,1,4,0,3,1,1,3,0,3,15,13,0,1,10,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,19,7,37,4,25,22,5,29,0,1,0,1,22,6,1,3,18,145,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693196918685114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145500169693652,0.119361412834936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420267787554803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671955344714402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214127518145927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823850532879306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194429430442388,0.11921335163046085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731541639606647,0.13103956885558046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694289386301241,0.10537508914312818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178052824722609,0.0,0.11185208064743564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772916931604755,0.2700078929681685,0.10769641369288288,0.060863073968076185,0.0,0.06620597143894398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402181081101753,0.1899155896983844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903865392006264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563616624688744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141389491788159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406183326983042,0.0,0.17719719471818293,0.0,0.0,0.1293523058409413,0.0,0.0,0.08076196256622131,0.20343535629881965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255997544772013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502333087163473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324361403592645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957895931462782,0.28909401550162883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245473724192158,0.0,0.09303190285384093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726621231469076,0.0,0.0,0.1332205317256697,0.0,0.2321794231969644,0.14928873143773727,0.11445432551771692,0.09248286956745204,0.13585665652446935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127389827352708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871091650284855,0.09246716098427228,0.09344410238518563,0.0,0.0,0.10799069182944894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187168840383522,0.08275367853041901,0.0,0.0,0.15003605900923225
bpd,godofchicken,2018/12/11,"Old friend (FP) who I associate with negative feelings followed me on Twitter Sorry if this subject doesn’t exactly fit this sub, I’ve been panicky because of what I said in the title.

This situation is so dumb and convoluted and I hate myself for always creating things that’ll make me sad.

Basically, I used to like this girl a lot. However, all my life I’ve been socially stunted (gotta love having social anxiety too) so I never had a lot of friends. This girl was a social butterfly and had so many connections, and the realization hit me that I couldn’t ever be one of her closer friends because I wasn’t as funny or wacky or loud as everyone else.

Anyone who knows me would probably mention how quiet I am. I usually talk more depending on the person and topic, but most times I shut my mouth because I don’t want to look stupid. 

Soon my love for this girl turned to discomfort. Because life is busy, we grew apart and I haven’t interacted with her irl in about 2-3 years. 

However in that time she’s texted me once, added me on Snapchat (which I never use), and now has followed me on Twitter despite not saying anything about having one. I feel like she’s trying to rekindle what we had (though I personally don’t see why she even wants to be friends with me still, honestly I’ve been a terrible person all these years) in these “low key” ways but I wish she’d just stop. I’ve been trying to cut her out of my life because I don’t want her to deal with the mess that’s me but there are always things that come out of nowhere and remind me of her.

It’s so dumb but I feel like... her existence has just traumatized me?? I wish I could just be like “omg it’s an old friend I should talk to her again because we haven’t seen each other in a while” like a normal person but nooo, my brain has to do it the hard way and force me to be insecure about my lacking social skills and projecting this onto a person who didn’t even do anything wrong.",5.078736286919836,5.221264007594937,5.8849525316455695,82.18447521097049,68.41772151898735,9.317510548523206,29.622890295358648,9.188382445141503,2.2660991561181434,1533,52,319,27,24,504,195,395,0.136,0.735,0.129,-0.5848,4,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,3,0,0,1,21,25,5,2,13,0,37,7,2,5,6,63,62,27,0,12,12,0,4,5,5,4,3,4,0,8,26,21,0,1,4,0,0,4,13,12,0,2,12,11,54,13,39,38,8,39,0,2,3,2,43,17,2,7,21,218,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564164163774048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235306165031395,0.0,0.0,0.05699198232772602,0.0,0.13414755686809424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981175187379787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098939509315067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021154728340616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507715573461444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403071718942699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808910902850683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766995165257788,0.0737282560078024,0.0,0.07788396819140429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363801676203955,0.1164580368145025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31486270013723705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301476562016247,0.08047184267526633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044794424336348115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271360400796448,0.19910238784956866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844582367432614,0.0,0.0,0.13858962854054588,0.14712751351196562,0.0,0.054406930391320836,0.08263587450685242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257273128220563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986010483072574,0.0,0.0,0.1710569500386593,0.08680289315524484,0.11046326656156877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558462951776302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787893730779454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753235627749551,0.06481808458545155,0.0,0.0,0.06495097390304247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161791445109048,0.0,0.3323467788997033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124104226783716,0.0,0.0,0.0650920441090634,0.06814397129829368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102538138207953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083000045672307,0.0,0.08008076559260388,0.0,0.09505542945728897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067656827619804,0.08865682170921227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407927269696351,0.08976906397693718,0.0,0.1442258151422817,0.12939381732058425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354789679806838,0.0,0.18745934700609948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057900633308038324,0.08911572351304195,0.0,0.10497639488598054
bpd,geoffersonstarship,2018/12/11,"I hate how stigmatized this disorder is I feel like the stigmatization of the disorder gives power to those who not ill and somewhat “allows” them to discredit their loved ones who have BPD and justify their own bad behavior towards them. Just because you don’t have bpd doesn’t mean you don’t have bad behavioral traits! We all do! I’m sorry, I feel a little down and alone right now. I feel like I can’t call out others, because then I’m dismissed due to my “black and white thinking”. I can’t win. I hope everyone is doing alright tonight. ",3.021037735849056,5.315639216981137,3.9062641509433966,85.9363773584906,76.64150943396227,7.636226415094339,26.63773584905661,8.548686976883017,2.029018113207548,431,17,84,9,10,138,70,106,0.175,0.655,0.17,-0.1626,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,4,2,3,9,1,0,3,1,12,2,0,2,1,18,23,6,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,5,15,6,7,23,3,9,0,0,2,1,12,5,0,2,6,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045896381533566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909644249990469,0.21242884551385655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388956170968953,0.0,0.17791740893847738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993857741071132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649274605172892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26430128568325195,0.248952625287264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714583999854482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720248515576595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730585529988007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024866127552854,0.17463316276068386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725741967955792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979725367736675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806879525245785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487990777424172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504619541805315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164525854010124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaylak2298,2018/12/11,"DAE feel the constant need to overshare? especially when it’s something traumatic? i feel like i’m a fraud when i see that so many people have such a problem with talking about the ugly things in their lives, while i constantly just bring up past traumas and current bad experiences like it’s the weather. 

i don’t know why i do it, and it’s not even for attention, i don’t think. maybe it started off that way when i was younger, but now it’s like my brain just adapted to telling people fucked up shit whenever. i don’t feel anything when i do it. it’s just like a normal conversation starter for me. sometimes i even make jokes. i don’t think it’s even a coping mechanism, either, because i never deal with my traumas. these bad things happen to me and they stick with me but they don’t affect me in my day-to-day life other than feeding into my regular behaviors. 

like the other day, i was with a friend and someone that i barely even know, and i just easily and randomly brought up a recently tragic/traumatic event like it was nothing. and in these situations nobody knows how to respond, and they never usually say much, so it’s not like i’m getting some gratification from people’s reactions? 

does anyone else do this? is it something you found you did when you were younger, when your behaviors were falling into place, and now you just can’t stop? i want it to stop, but maybe it’s how i deal with the things that have happened. be open, be forgiving, try to move on by putting it out in the world. but i never actually let it go. i feel so apathetic toward everything, but it all just stays in my head. ",4.017791666666668,5.426055862500004,4.986875000000001,83.05729166666669,71.625,8.208333333333334,28.958333333333336,8.72156446121922,2.1761145833333337,1276,50,254,23,24,417,155,320,0.13699999999999998,0.748,0.11599999999999999,-0.8426,1,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,0,5,4,0,25,17,2,0,12,0,21,6,3,4,4,60,45,26,0,4,14,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,29,18,1,2,12,1,0,6,11,7,0,0,8,6,37,10,31,34,4,49,0,0,1,1,18,17,2,2,31,178,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.09478892846066657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791846320508631,0.09952542577924484,0.07993313737365322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220593272954556,0.05921208241411045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843384683744853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993503899373245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793049261646105,0.20028210777818825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500275805584946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114312675819974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566247865377878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729791982723939,0.09501584713585527,0.0,0.0,0.19645579955240414,0.06939266336481166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650259291240656,0.07504561112106282,0.0897989657889224,0.050748589573778084,0.0,0.05520358162735175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717908339249637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968767144124244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014718229591396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932625971581692,0.06860872985828184,0.3321839092317012,0.0,0.08577124292518452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648378061081571,0.0984787925052286,0.1951686390245673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323823995905657,0.0714047840537044,0.07202374891200664,0.2247475571390584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517085333705393,0.093202846313281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272554674943763,0.20202178879080754,0.0,0.10148452332466812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929442729354543,0.0,0.09764665950887368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590826472016883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724498277013724,0.0,0.0,0.07740334957645831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970681946003217,0.0,0.10918286568435308,0.0,0.0,0.08230145861798974,0.1495572439405156,0.0960681680267062,0.0,0.06875205844678202,0.1035320905270814,0.0,0.1624170144023935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807275849046819,0.08489953726562513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359485952811986,0.12447929533919964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594771863616371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697955431016,0.0,0.057292244270642376,0.0771005750433283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764847121418601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ForSleeplessNights,2018/12/11,"How to restrain, not implode, and not destroy everything further? Someone I became really attached to betrayed me / did something wrong and wont apologize. They lied and said they ""possibly"" would yet havent deleted me from any social media and im trying my best not to unleash my demon on them and tell them how much of a shitty person they are / dont deserve happiness. I want them to feel as hurt as i am but im also terribly afraid for all of this to be true because then it just means im alone again and i have no one. I hate that they became my only social source of happiness. I really wish I'd never met them. I don't know how to end this without being hurt. I shouldnt have to demand an apology and that disrespect already says its over",2.74981151299032,4.587259569536428,4.490993377483446,83.55266938359654,75.82119205298014,7.295160468670403,26.184921039225674,8.139509932561175,1.7911320427916455,589,22,113,10,13,199,97,151,0.24100000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.098,-0.9755,0,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,8,1,7,11,2,1,2,0,13,0,0,3,3,27,21,15,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,3,3,21,4,17,13,3,8,1,2,0,0,17,3,0,0,5,84,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864957569526244,0.15838442995215413,0.1147776323365536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760255238765612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874920732210969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062160602490585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821131805966671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271213709787362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899184899726046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072571021396184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30557203727330345,0.0,0.14170213910379054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072949476429657,0.0,0.4650978924940135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887809620562307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634181107311146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055080709891492,0.0,0.11069604335115248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972568829281795,0.10915793536053853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532130380637435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180391804608185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838927686466333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652602412266007,0.11413757822637705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926132168017154,0.12160905257897625,0.1104932710023286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544798676276905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744468345711386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465531064540786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504773336033302,0.1383538723383188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195670090868912,0.15692307060170368,0.0,0.0
bpd,bareasscontessa,2018/12/11,"Does anybody else avoid complaining to people in a service industry? I had a rough day at work and was so tense when I left, I booked a massage.  I used to drink to kill this feeling but embracing sobriety has me feeling feels and looking for healthy ways to cope.
My trauma the last few years has been men.  My masseuse was a man.  I couldn't speak up.  I got the massage, was so anxious and tense the whole time I couldn't relax and it actually just made me feel worse. I broke down and cried after the session. 
My friend says ""why didn't you just speak up? Ask for a discount?"" 
Because it's not his fault I'm crazy and I'm not gonna hurt his feelings or self esteem over my issue. Also I will eat cold/wrong food before I complain.  I just can't handle it. If they try to argue back, I will melt down. If they just take care of it, I feel bad for making them do extra work. 
My brain feels like it's on fire.
Idk just venting after a rough day, I guess. ",0.98856783919598,3.001731613065332,2.3437663316582937,95.98097613065329,82.11557788944724,4.985025125628142,20.50276381909548,5.985473137389443,-0.10065648241205992,737,21,167,5,20,237,125,199,0.239,0.648,0.113,-0.9794,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,3,2,10,14,2,1,10,0,14,4,1,3,0,31,33,14,1,4,11,0,10,1,1,3,0,3,0,3,6,6,3,1,7,3,1,0,6,10,0,0,8,14,27,4,19,20,3,19,0,2,1,0,17,9,0,4,10,101,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.1365606156663262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119094448174796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809162936557605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082439853107058,0.0,0.0,0.10760471949903476,0.11684350903633828,0.08530572674119359,0.0,0.1190780768304596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621859138680635,0.0,0.0,0.14267749019995127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371680105746738,0.18049860316636265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224618651350133,0.0,0.0,0.1370872840800256,0.0,0.14319288734021934,0.1169013673552459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953027679931117,0.09997269708304668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921521323142924,0.0,0.1081167919521386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192227907876096,0.0,0.15415896704379475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498079646960478,0.0,0.0,0.14606032033642316,0.0,0.0,0.15482215313563802,0.0,0.0,0.11406924483301276,0.0,0.0,0.152044509402246,0.0,0.0,0.06836729607833288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751380641410418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241399322662584,0.09341060041899282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701632283891733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128538507112608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598725801100548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521697288275783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159975829207057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950096303966684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086266461155575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107733959155107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627349402085794,0.15623728281732693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037550218069553,0.0,0.1426101494110084,0.0,0.1530017073239282,0.0,0.0901163510382953
bpd,girlxoxo18,2018/12/11,"help me out guys ! hello everyone. i am an 18 year old girl. i’ve been struggling with my mental health since a very young age. i always felt like i was different from everyone else and that i couldn’t relate to anyone. but i’m also a middle child with an older special needs brother and a younger sister who was born when i was three.  so i always thought my mental health issues stemmed from the fact i (hypothetically) lacked attention and affection growing up.  i am extremely sensitive and my emotions are insanely powerful. when i’m happy i’m extremely happy and when i’m sad i literally want to die. everyone says i’m an extremely sweet girl but i don’t have a lot of friends.  i have one really close friend and i usually bounce between relationships frequently and i tend to make that person my world and get interested in what they are. i’m really bored with life and often i just stay in my room on the internet.  i was diagnosed with adhd in 8th grade and then depression and anxiety my sophomore year in high school. i am very up and down and i feel like i have no self identity. i’m painfully insecure, but i am getting better. i tend to latch onto people (specifically male romantic interests) and obsess over them in very unhealthy ways until it ends with them being creeped out. i will go on their social media and check what they are doing like very very frequently. more than 10 times an hour i am a very deep thinker and i recently had a short period of time where i was almost convinced i had multiple personality disorder while i was smoking thc. like i was very convinced, and then as the days went by the more unrealistic it seemed to me. i am a very compulsive and obsessive person. i check my phone very very frequently and keep looking at the same things over and over again. it’s really hard for me to stay on task for more than maybe 30 minutes. my mom brought up the fact that i may have bpd today. i read the symptoms and they seem to add up. can you guys help me?? feel free to ask any questions. also i am currently taking wellbutrin and zoloft and may start taking adderall.  i start college soon and i just want to live a normal life, i need your help 
side notes : 
it’s also really hard for me to make decisions like on what to eat and what to wear ect.
and i don’t really have opinions on things 
if you put a gun to my head i probably wouldn’t even be able to make a decision then. like i have very hard time formulating my own opinions. 
also when i am in a relationship with someone i put them above myself and my family and friends. and i am only interested in them and their life, when i am not with them i am unhappy. like i would choose them above my family. does this go hand in hand with bpd?
i also am very dissociated a lot of the time.",3.3368790513833986,5.1798836618181845,4.799225296442689,81.95040316205534,74.2,8.63715415019763,25.77470355731225,9.26112553598018,2.188766798418972,2194,76,436,53,46,733,255,550,0.099,0.718,0.182,0.9945,3,0,0,1,0,1,45.0,0,3,11,2,18,29,0,4,24,0,43,14,4,4,2,86,78,51,1,10,7,3,8,7,3,5,9,1,1,10,15,42,1,1,12,1,3,7,6,8,0,2,14,11,77,22,61,56,8,80,0,2,1,0,42,34,0,12,43,288,92,4,0.058295931123333526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006038059393475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583749541902145,0.0,0.0,0.23309617528795004,0.09701376936857607,0.0,0.0,0.03964323221652465,0.0,0.044596227746369885,0.0,0.0,0.04076187048934686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449882622807181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155801370999515,0.0,0.0,0.14684336900804984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03759605287249621,0.0,0.050210200054662514,0.05916914297047364,0.0605019727654616,0.060906840367427974,0.0668121875899582,0.0,0.05101516217537652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965129113432981,0.04869877008304711,0.06557507609593369,0.051632891826201545,0.0,0.0,0.0385039127049411,0.0,0.0,0.16711278121676992,0.0,0.0,0.10991243131614477,0.0,0.05895234874540334,0.04164662484258728,0.05597323590119358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511787532973366,0.0,0.060914435872231165,0.0,0.06626184217530072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544427417067045,0.0,0.12411420537844607,0.1566651113960908,0.0,0.05982844370907645,0.1239316974869332,0.0,0.0,0.11722360141944466,0.061592851900518136,0.0,0.0,0.05740974933539932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084580633436443,0.0,0.051816102118657136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352842050373873,0.1993631311394798,0.0,0.05147637521287223,0.0,0.04895389993817177,0.0,0.0,0.09912223191766667,0.0,0.0,0.116738960100447,0.0,0.05856609831909247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749717444597825,0.0,0.0,0.06827548996469507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645138852578138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711763510271972,0.0,0.0,0.06117177328280444,0.0,0.039502831639726566,0.04433668253455944,0.06203098088397615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04041505849865574,0.15270527543402826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285287359690755,0.0,0.0,0.11720702444633592,0.06530478450872564,0.0,0.058311706830209836,0.0,0.1867293311511829,0.0,0.05756019911075886,0.12517602676653716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046359264256620666,0.0,0.05899859456803934,0.0,0.10614085250526063,0.06081537003179804,0.0,0.0,0.0482229966387516,0.0,0.0,0.059425360400522466,0.04939395326335365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252432019321257,0.12427141211405345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060943564613760624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060591793550509886,0.08766257037320603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745845257285458,0.0,0.0,0.046280457593231114,0.13597130496590173,0.0,0.05525772634060862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420473214523832,0.5772029810466277,0.0687689011440724,0.046272596673461834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404091219327197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141175687804138,0.0,0.0,0.07508133667249482
bpd,hatemefearmekillme,2018/12/11,I want to be abused I want to be hit and beaten. I wanna be raped and spit on. I want to get kicked on the floor. I want to be verbally abused and also ignored. I want to go away but I also wanna be used. I’m a monster. I’m evil. I don’t deserve love and care. Anyone who tries is an idiot. I’ll hurt them. I’ll hurt them real good. I’ll make them regret it. I’ll abuse them if I have to. I’ll do anything to make people hate me. It makes cutting myself that much sweeter and satisfying. Well earned blood. Well earned punishment. I don’t matter. My thoughts don’t matter. My feelings don’t matter. I’m a danger to society. I’m not a person. I belong in jail. I deserve to be hated and feared. Fuck you.,-1.8949472096530893,-0.11472289542483692,1.2043464052287582,96.9091742081448,104.7516339869281,3.3995977878330823,14.381347410759174,5.369823440869387,-0.912007340372046,539,13,123,4,26,188,79,153,0.36,0.475,0.166,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,3,1,25.0,0,1,4,3,4,20,10,1,5,0,13,5,2,4,0,28,36,10,0,9,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,15,2,0,1,1,21,5,15,28,1,6,0,3,0,3,8,5,1,1,0,72,25,3,0.0,0.4923923384342975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155854820383775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968606717434996,0.0,0.11399517914883668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301498332766059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123659375500258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588037783440026,0.07004295965550915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280651495591435,0.07237417108965427,0.0,0.07872757637236953,0.116189122430415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735316940948566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29659011553101594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502521590468438,0.0,0.2774017472265433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018326243374627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603655739389384,0.12095564948114748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767303184100756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997425185010787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405013048899133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196420755507182,0.0,0.0,0.4085314216393741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491032048839853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jsquared81289,2019/03/30,"My exuBPD split and discarded me is there anything I can do? I know my ex is a good person and i know that i handles  situations wring because i didn’t Know about BPD

We dated for 7 months and 3 of that she was extremely stressed out because of her exams for her professional license 

During that period she split me and afterwards she discarded me. Is there anything one can do to help her? Or get her back? 10 days of NC and I’m falling apart...",1.439,3.843139344444445,3.391111111111112,86.78000000000004,83.33333333333334,6.711111111111113,24.555555555555557,7.908726449838941,1.5726888888888886,351,14,71,7,10,118,57,90,0.10800000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.063,-0.4648,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,14,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,18,1,8,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,6,49,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198469899440632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615422023352566,0.0,0.31101011904079445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212863530600049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451677455307176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327790748946808,0.0,0.0,0.21396366794143407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709864674041376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42058472020594506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361637927047094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286065824838673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274128489716571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28674026203150105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922133079227824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hotvenom6,2019/03/30,"How to give my FP some space? Whenever someone starts to become my FP, I become obsessed with messaging them and trying to get their attention. I’ll post things where I know they’ll see them, send snapchats for literally no reason and they don’t message me very much in return and I get super emotional. This has happened too many times now and it feels like I’m breaking my own heart with how quickly I become attached and overly obsessive. 
I don’t want to have to constantly worry about this and also I want to be able to give them space so I don’t come off as clingy or annoying. 
What are some ways I could distract myself/cope with the paranoia and anxiety? ",4.994529914529918,6.122546076923076,5.383333333333333,82.1938888888889,69.0,8.547008547008549,29.05982905982906,8.841846274778883,2.234803418803419,530,19,101,9,9,169,87,130,0.136,0.7829999999999999,0.081,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,6,1,9,6,1,3,1,0,9,1,1,3,0,23,22,13,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,2,18,2,16,19,4,17,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,3,7,69,23,0,0.1674746414254462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392941024100793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811764229221473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548877509202311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426457436983067,0.0,0.18098059092454294,0.0,0.13371487364261775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838643013315085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468021075464477,0.1196439172973544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499717576776042,0.32131387301993297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809727231902511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845825644811327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203968308717413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181965032957897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697930002210238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311313132692076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039441221879885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219182424749996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345560620116034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190072020402736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853941318817965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126271010719346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976558102105679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370428820369265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818411853932225,0.19756176526213287,0.13293357506061873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007862778009197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,telefonbaum,2019/03/30,i cant be friends with people unless im their best friend. I start hating every close friend i have as soon as i get the feeling that someone else is more important to them than me. i immediately stop caring about them and cant do anything to change that. it just makes me feel so lonely because i have no one who actually values me more than anyone else.,6.0829166666666685,5.6665392361111175,6.671666666666668,79.29,66.3611111111111,8.866666666666667,29.11111111111111,8.07648339933343,1.7932111111111118,283,8,57,3,4,93,53,72,0.16,0.603,0.23800000000000002,0.7648,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,1,4,7,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,14,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,12,5,9,13,3,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.20612479767892894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769319280385662,0.21642462454007835,0.17381989686509902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876059162142742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166724811431196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215357617255194,0.0,0.22344768185154487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352902197707827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796588526814167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360306838153054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895749427774008,0.0,0.11035616636099753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854062080479213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815887807372198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099410008137495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313129548824854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643658289874395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896996813666255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950590082082665,0.0,0.0,0.17659327295381916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway1948848,2019/03/30,"My Partner with bpd My partner has bpd episodes every single day where they get stuck in their head for hours and cannot stop crying and hitting themselves

Things i have tried:
- distance
- extra comfort and affection
-weed
-firm voice 
-endless advice

Idk if they just don’t want to help themselves or just not capable of doing anything. 

If anyone who goes through these episodes knows how to navigate them.

(I have manic depression and anxiety so it sometimes becomes too much for me to handle) 

I appreciate all your help and shared experiences thank you. ",5.690056689342406,8.541311112244903,4.791360544217689,80.10522675736964,70.53061224489795,7.212698412698412,32.31746031746032,8.167268648758528,2.737969160997733,451,21,71,7,9,134,78,98,0.096,0.6890000000000001,0.215,0.9128,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,4,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,2,1,18,12,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,12,3,9,10,4,5,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,3,3,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370195683983236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946918241164235,0.0,0.0,0.14575811652667225,0.0,0.17154250849979374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23022459250813465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250890755034979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289804386016808,0.13443764453754434,0.0,0.17954387525733706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563417616095314,0.0,0.0,0.20391113498680152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089102798207168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139372203745193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279448925351894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052883450376288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456262188982087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532400225728648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061694945519899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427954781377766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191937661532188,0.0,0.0,0.1384896966276431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415287508584011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295345363246503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arghlarg,2019/03/30,"Was I too harsh or did I communicate effectively? I was putting together three events and paid out-of-pocket to get everything set up. I had to cancel the first event due to illness. Today was the date of the second event. 

I waited, but nobody showed up, and the weather was too cold to wait the entire two hours so I just went home after sitting for a little over half an hour, and cancelled the event on Facebook with a little blurb explaining why. 

Looking back, I am not sure if I was too harsh in my explanation - I have a very straightforward way of speaking, and I'm not sure if it's going to come off as too crass or like I'm angry beyond belief. I'm not really mad at any of these people, like if they wanted to get together and hang out I would be totally chill and wouldn't bring it up. 

I don't want to alienate people or make any new enemies. I'm just annoyed that I wasted time and money.

So this is what I posted on the Facebook event page and I want feedback from you guys if you have any suggestions:

""Well, I waited for half an hour in really cold weather, but nobody showed up. The event is cancelled. I'm cancelling the third event as well, since I doubt anyone will show up to that one either. I paid out of pocket for the trash bags and gloves and it's really annoying to have all that money go to waste. I'm not rich. In the future, if you don't intend to go to something, just put that you're not interested. Thanks.""

Too much? Could I have worded it better? Am I just second-guessing myself because people have called me ""psycho"" and ""crazy"" in the past and now I'm worried about expressing emotion? Halp.",2.7739646133682854,4.591753140672786,4.048434906072522,86.83813073394501,75.69724770642202,6.750939274792486,22.076124945391,7.5804360353943165,0.8621831367409349,1275,34,257,17,28,418,167,327,0.18,0.765,0.055,-0.9906,2,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,3,1,3,17,14,3,1,17,0,23,1,0,3,4,56,50,26,0,11,20,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,11,16,0,3,3,3,5,9,8,4,2,8,10,4,26,10,42,35,5,53,1,0,1,0,10,19,0,9,23,173,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24695668833341897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464174070825634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308082057339902,0.0,0.0737916243975867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070598570547605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360670305788178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427480036953232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664944991815712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361661896572385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879291941685147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296600018369384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648840263193015,0.0,0.20638838197031464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335142936098365,0.11985961639273282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142411891403836,0.0,0.3576328362048178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827890168725975,0.2426499983583149,0.0,0.0,0.10165243291049604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808025463728079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898648367459046,0.0,0.0,0.11691190256717995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202735528943622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555696808536507,0.25176476406152115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593348808993095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24337957147883546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264529483339424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013471729024502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319104750964513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817845027763986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144758521486324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058586738367997,0.0,0.1147422846130662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824933111001225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987983146845872,0.2141972177509446,0.09608472532084822,0.0,0.0,0.2176789454157481,0.11221557849500607,0.10922978559724868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293326366754875,0.0,0.085991225276588,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChesterRickman,2019/03/30,"Can a man with BPD sustain a real relationship? I feel like my mood swings and lack of, I don’t know how to express it, real masculine emotional stability(?) make me incapable of making any woman feel safe and protected around me. I loved a woman one moment and then resented her the next, for no real reason at all. My sex drive is and has been completely in the dumps for some time now. It hurts to say it but I’m pretty sure my FP and now ex is better off without me because of how emotionally manipulative I was all the time and how I could provide nothing real for her. All I have are my looks (others compliment me all the time but then half the time I look in the mirror I hate myself, seeing the ugliest reflection in the world), a decent sense of style and some charisma/fake personality because I don’t even know who I am. I reject so many kind women because of my inability to let go of old attachments and vanity. I don’t even know what I’m expecting out of anything. I’m stuck in a limbo of melancholy and instant gratification. I’m a failure.",4.700169262017604,5.448930421800952,6.505866621530128,75.26261848341234,69.42654028436019,9.440893703452947,29.76337169939065,9.606745405546679,2.7215779282329047,833,31,160,18,14,290,122,211,0.177,0.672,0.151,-0.7205,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,9,13,3,0,14,0,14,2,0,7,5,43,32,17,0,3,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,12,0,2,7,0,0,2,5,5,0,2,3,6,24,7,24,27,7,22,0,2,3,2,13,9,0,2,12,113,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212260059660201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937719882734794,0.1075041750854833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084698838511627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068045648834646,0.0,0.0,0.1520960662016965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661712116409446,0.0,0.0,0.09641898213496612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716829825532446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595249059008998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221222367492104,0.08627271155550961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863207785425046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192279083756468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927869012280355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257554982578208,0.1991036371094113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348777722077806,0.0,0.058998428435880976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028200702864351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089928173468616,0.0,0.1612197334134209,0.1224341601571489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843222539177734,0.0,0.0,0.1158748185505678,0.0,0.12671986677704944,0.0,0.08183175497561564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544510493803336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228588167738918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5498163817793158,0.0,0.12416390169339647,0.0,0.12965366691433558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603513966027824,0.0,0.0,0.09623202983770053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381717091785964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816702005861927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164106831336306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mymixedtape87,2019/03/30,"Forgetting how to cope? I've been in a bad place for about a year or so, went off the rails and disappointed a lot of ppl. Burned a lot of bridges with friends and lost all passion for the things I love. Generally not been social at all for 12+ months (hello hermit life!)
I've been trying to find my way back to 'normality' and decided to go alone to an event for something I am interested in the other night. I was so nervous but wanted to get out and be sociable and try and meet some potential new friends. 
Well I got talking a lot to a lovely person, we had a lot in common and had a right laugh over a cuppa. We exchanged twitter and they said to 'keep in touch'.
Having all the chill of a typical borderline I msgd them the next day saying it was lovely to meet them and just generally starting conversation. 
Now though, after one brief msg they've stopped replying and I can feel the usual overwhelming obsessive feelings starting... ""Why haven't they written me?"" ""Do they not like me?"" ""Am I annoying?"" ""Okay I'll just send another casual msg"" ""maybe I'll suggest meeting for a coffee"" etc.
It's like with so long being an antisocial mess I've forgotten how to human all over again :(
Any advice? 
Thanks. ",3.9734599156118118,5.446655312236287,5.278333333333336,80.67083333333333,71.82700421940929,8.642194092827003,27.934599156118146,9.150863307647796,2.3222472573839665,947,35,185,20,18,316,147,237,0.111,0.718,0.17,0.9652,0,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,5,1,13,22,1,3,19,1,15,5,0,2,4,43,32,18,0,2,6,0,3,2,2,0,1,2,0,2,4,15,0,2,4,1,1,4,3,8,1,1,12,5,17,14,31,18,10,33,0,3,0,4,25,11,0,6,19,123,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267578679220907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434760322884046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821195029295227,0.13601949546551229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974430058637247,0.10830820563582806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365667887739597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466864919597253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311775394291549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855891016951775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043793330096726,0.0,0.06777173415043433,0.0,0.07372111204709797,0.0,0.10374646668582173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529835406711005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916228931563641,0.12674626470033087,0.0,0.0,0.11479538770513475,0.0,0.0,0.14160133584308499,0.4411227292008244,0.3512237404652284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031807612353266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353880387627504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528140469700694,0.13795541056868918,0.12173053733904345,0.12709503506204767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789953861486383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326380664829805,0.13552656719935174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077753653629704,0.12339049091430945,0.10315609715895574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223005907188884,0.0,0.09986241846064473,0.0,0.0,0.1836285999860765,0.0,0.0,0.1084491491688053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426154258168804,0.0,0.11942590719353335,0.0,0.0,0.08617815432917096,0.0,0.12744621024929748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613854070723078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286485545967378,0.0,0.0765103972386647,0.1029632491970171,0.0,0.0,0.1166310848417571,0.12024887966101902,0.11704933949315248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353344023903538
bpd,goldenhashbrowns,2019/03/30,"What helped you with your BPD? Hi, i’m new here but looking for help. My sister had a bad night yesterday and said that in ten years she never felt that she was getting any better. She’s on meds and went to therapy but quit because she perceived it as not very helpful. So I just wanted to get some insight of things that helped you dealing with the disorder. Thank you! ",3.322072072072072,5.001801567567568,3.7308108108108087,90.28153153153154,73.86486486486487,6.554954954954956,25.84684684684685,7.1686216300943375,1.072944144144144,292,10,60,3,6,91,61,74,0.138,0.7390000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.3105,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,14,11,6,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,3,10,2,9,6,1,8,0,0,1,0,16,2,0,1,5,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145552349087244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614034359622629,0.11783827374616505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709645077721958,0.0,0.0,0.2434636489613761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992912331453563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154679636710709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856052247879636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199006508852504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182789605688842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232936073788962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472071909517107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909042818161394,0.18669729649354191,0.0,0.1814057104234283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056059998273693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183879412291287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797129636473494,0.22106362791099185,0.0,0.12842471290109847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949868319589378,0.11401759385323143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919770929600584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448349774773353
bpd,sunflower__yellow,2019/03/30,Tips on managing sadness? I don’t know what to do. I just feel incredibly overwhelmed right now by it and need to not feel like this but it’s just getting worse. Does anyone have any advice on how to get rid of it? ,0.6539999999999999,2.8631641777777794,2.3422222222222224,94.3,85.0,5.377777777777778,20.11111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.1695777777777776,168,5,38,2,5,55,36,45,0.17300000000000001,0.8,0.027000000000000003,-0.7762,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,9,3,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,7,9,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34218307547016885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381283066627192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448477243989003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064370260375149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541139860609389,0.25016225210438314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658998183181147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924448390204147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107587627685614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596473799846217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990441442916777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568541930999908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DullCell,2019/03/30,"When your partner ignores u and you physically hurt I was supposed to go out tonight with partner but felt shitty after they weren't listening to me so at home by myself in bed while they're probably giving me the silent treatment. 

the few friends I have are also out so no one is talking to me and I'm usually fine just being alone sometimes watching netflix but tonight my chest aches and I wish I could take back things I've said to push people away so I didn't end up feeling as alone as I do right now",4.430975274725277,5.218315201923076,4.954285714285714,86.005,70.05769230769229,7.481318681318682,31.203296703296704,7.447530270364453,1.8637296703296709,407,17,83,4,7,130,79,104,0.188,0.6990000000000001,0.114,-0.7583,0,2,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,1,0,9,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,0,0,14,18,13,0,2,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,1,6,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,5,5,14,2,15,11,1,18,0,1,1,0,10,7,0,0,9,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426436721766756,0.0,0.17089047319364678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007719113076239,0.16431697488135052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706167300273752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926885663473375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804976487209292,0.0,0.20517910166304365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509893125655256,0.0,0.0,0.2049941073631597,0.12144684002248896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143518264523136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287631219763325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448041260879241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814804366593204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303975450752764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182492930237054,0.20327128544660106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113481605659484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606707844298869,0.1717585984639882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196834843676484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353530049134684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457367753569141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arlingtonheightsMA,2019/03/30,"How Can Your Family Help You? My dear friends--my daughter (30) lives with BPD and I have some understanding of what she so heroically lives with every single day. I have been to parent support groups, but I've just discovered this wonderful community of you powerful warriors. One of the things I had to do was disconnect from her on social media, as she will post moments of strong emotions that are upsetting. We have an understanding that she will reach out directly if she feels suicidal and I will help her immediately.

She is in therapy and on an SSRI, and has a job and a person she loves in her life (but it's a fairly typical BPD dynamic). I know she's struggling right now and as her mom and a person who loves her, all I want to do is help.

So I turn to you: what kind of support do you want from your moms? (Assume I work in the mental health field and have a deep understanding with BPD). 

Do you want more facetime? Less? Funny cards in the mail? To be left alone? I try to support her by telling her how strong she is and how proud I am, but I know that part of the family suffering here is that we feel like we can't do enough to help her. Is it ever okay to make suggestions like get outside for a walk? Is it ever okay to ask if she's discussed medication changes? New therapist? Anything? 

If your mom told you she wanted to only support you, what would you tell her you need from her?

(and if this feels like a burdensome question because I'm making you do more emotional work, please tell me)",3.3931000000000004,5.018426043333331,4.5070000000000014,85.01350000000002,73.56666666666666,8.200000000000001,25.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.832733333333334,1183,40,244,24,24,387,154,300,0.068,0.672,0.26,0.9964,3,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,13,0,6,10,20,0,2,13,2,29,5,0,5,3,51,56,24,1,10,8,5,3,3,0,4,3,0,0,2,14,17,0,0,11,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,3,49,17,33,47,8,18,0,1,0,2,61,10,0,8,9,174,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669689048440693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888506608476469,0.0,0.0782562647080791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102800095341878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31628424915877285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855262607120852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398513819832583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883218729056792,0.0,0.0864933865353302,0.0,0.0,0.1514384877662981,0.07052812703625007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782608388278138,0.0,0.1269767881589796,0.11960291710652797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373430170965066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897835417291483,0.0,0.0,0.2244325078201225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306789403686142,0.0,0.0,0.08716965169306609,0.09200814245681513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909496661845254,0.0,0.05912587752169589,0.12268741792864375,0.0,0.14783249929136888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110060485297366,0.0,0.11175231462949478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843276332732768,0.08435860570112264,0.0,0.0,0.2941155903096601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206888490168772,0.0,0.08084631181881352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672313081716985,0.06366418150333268,0.0,0.0,0.09294852201277257,0.09064828372229504,0.0,0.0,0.1461822854272782,0.0,0.0918869332175844,0.0,0.0,0.08016972371975098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377281781871703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148670852624503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853304016936957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751043012760883,0.0,0.09156364948558997,0.3799662234417006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949508403893292,0.0,0.0957281081705885,0.09719216567391076,0.055612291015702836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998717861233924,0.0,0.0568326617177041,0.09105094665733436,0.0,0.2614308928619941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749406378379009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077843323515436,0.121881752189662,0.0,0.0,0.05946420560898895,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Slaanesh99,2019/03/30,"Helpful material? Was just wondering if any of you had some helpful reading material for a person who's partner has BPD? 

Struggling with understanding this and need some guidance.

Thanks in advance xo",5.677352941176469,9.25291055882353,6.119117647058829,66.33102941176475,75.76470588235293,8.105882352941178,40.852941176470594,8.841846274778883,4.902964705882354,165,11,22,4,4,53,31,34,0.071,0.706,0.223,0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,0,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112878565049832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913179998823145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165136912555589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230381423917774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712927992957634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107858480864836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324812948265278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860524436687433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32345149774071696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369428135025312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,QueenRancid,2019/03/30,Symptoms.. Is self-harm a concrete symptom of BPD? I mean could someone have BPD without physical self-mutilation?,4.542982456140352,7.998377684210531,4.890526315789477,71.280350877193,87.94736842105263,6.743859649122808,43.17543859649122,7.793537801064563,4.933933333333334,92,7,12,2,3,29,17,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5857871800181098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856754255897656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25331945381970183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852090271877638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970422279708121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834252457698234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417373275914015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,little-kitty-9,2019/03/30,"Is BPD something genetic, or something from childhood, or can you get it from trauma? I’ve always had a fear of abandonment since I can remember.

However, after being cheated on twice by my current partner and being in an emotionally abusive relationship with my ex, I feel like I have so many symptoms of BPD.

I’ve been diagnosed with depression since 12, and anxiety at 19 after the relationship with my ex. Had an eating disorder at 14-18. 

I can’t help but totally relate to a lot of research I’ve done on BPD. It actually makes me feel valid and safe reading that other people are similar to me. I guess being diagnosed would make me feel more valid, or I will get a clearer mind if I am or not.

Is it possible to get BPD or have it be more exposed after trauma?

This is not the case of me relating only a little bit - I relate a lot. 

Sorry if this question offends anyone. I am struggling badly. And if I’m diagnosed correctly maybe I could get better help. I see a psych but I feel like they are oblivious to my symptoms because they have already diagnosed me with GAD. ",4.093039099526067,5.586481156398108,6.050755331753558,75.17006664691944,71.55924170616116,9.256042654028438,31.67091232227488,9.673873057562805,3.297438151658768,848,39,152,21,16,295,116,211,0.162,0.7559999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9279999999999999,2,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,2,1,1,13,2,2,10,0,24,7,0,2,2,38,37,15,0,5,12,2,4,2,1,2,6,0,0,1,8,8,1,2,6,1,0,0,3,9,0,1,4,5,24,4,23,26,6,11,0,2,1,0,11,6,0,12,7,112,32,3,0.0,0.1160944314178529,0.09561776689764508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812723463018406,0.0,0.08153012571769361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495711337393217,0.0,0.0,0.0685123451467758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181213416493409,0.05972983539049018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665844790671642,0.1069726102994601,0.0,0.493627179480108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823185600426688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439304955185385,0.3978047814357764,0.0,0.0,0.11229758598469294,0.0,0.0,0.10027114508447993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026158754697263,0.0,0.110218255261001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025868451626733,0.19817361745034512,0.13999887155126214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047693496298292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793987786340994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135255641905255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957395827185374,0.09820521351688022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660414459235362,0.0,0.0,0.13080950130535696,0.09933989527093226,0.09843760096795214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893540841139313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452087109850968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792942531208665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046167995134937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976395053232306,0.0,0.09801002104388352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103952308119032,0.11099621077997113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808016776948679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210593626165545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086497886609726,0.0,0.10968451217329396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243363425591667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036847584744502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960467089223116,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,totallylostinthought,2019/03/30,"I love my dad but he's tearing our family apart My dad has a shopping list of mental health issues, the biggest two being BPD and PTSD. He has struggled to keep himself sane enough to live with for years, and it came to a breaking point about a month and one week ago tomorrow. He attacked my mom and I was forced to call 911. They are now in the process of a divorce. I will stand by the fact that for me that was one of the scariest events of my life. Ever since he's only made life harder for himself and I'm afraid that he views this whole situation as a war. I've seen my home slowly emptied so that it now is only a shell of the warmth it provided. This whole situation has his side of the family pitted against my mother and her side of the family. I am stuck in the middle of this mess that is greater than me. I just don't know what to do anymore. My mom is falling deeper into her depression and I've been diagnosed with PTSD from the situation and have nightmares from it without medication. All I want is for us all to be happy but that looks like that isn't going to happen. We've been trying to make him happy for years by walking on eggshells and tiptoeing around but that didn't work, removing ourselves whenever he got bad didn't help and it's all just coming to a head. I'm only 15 and my entire life has been flipped upside down because of him. I just want a happy life. Is that too much to ask for?",3.480816326530612,4.445252251700684,4.599931972789118,87.01887755102041,72.4013605442177,7.504761904761906,25.564625850340143,7.793537801064563,1.2288952380952385,1118,34,239,14,21,367,156,294,0.133,0.778,0.08900000000000001,-0.8959999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,2,0,1,1,10,12,2,2,17,0,25,9,1,2,5,35,43,16,1,2,7,5,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,0,18,17,0,1,1,1,1,6,5,7,0,3,12,3,27,5,42,28,8,30,0,1,3,1,26,12,0,0,11,162,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864169516667265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917058824840916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901892038731425,0.0934841057413847,0.11376152166964065,0.0,0.0,0.08349368372103227,0.06095750997949687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594327241399186,0.0,0.10210856444339167,0.11437042929550352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613893834194669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612764670495582,0.10149529450286968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332408431403836,0.0,0.0,0.0904534075097405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28280605462357394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683084838021767,0.0,0.07997708599998435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842740405690885,0.31934739615447405,0.0,0.0,0.10262622051043148,0.1062926003588873,0.0,0.0,0.06702617474500554,0.0,0.10030558347074653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043713449804841,0.0,0.0888823173786419,0.0,0.0,0.05495597669136706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28252459055688833,0.04885369707487333,0.0,0.0882995696722843,0.0,0.08397266280784503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902515918332879,0.094619993544224,0.06674906626734024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007368983843904,0.10077389771895623,0.0,0.0,0.2342315813075897,0.07981700087218517,0.0,0.07350962268302612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552170370194672,0.22815767265908704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094529900810215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23378330728874605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271891394646998,0.33720392966409096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453903382739478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789169630573605,0.0,0.09768296659753622,0.0,0.12028460539113504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796215939344185,0.0,0.08021191290237985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328713652251628,0.0,0.09639396168442252,0.0,0.07279932572904481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879014287982296
bpd,rb0325,2019/03/30,"A...poem? Im a passenger in my mind 
Voiceless 
Drained 
Defeated 
Pleading
Flooded 
Old demons greet me 
New demons emerge 
They convince me of my fears 
I’m not enough 
There’s no point in trying
I try to push them out 
They dig deeper 
I never asked for this war 
I ask them to leave 
Please just leave?
I’m lost 
I’m hurt
I’m tired
I’m angry 
I’m fighting. ",-1.3381846153846162,0.5517897866666708,0.6626666666666701,100.5872307692308,104.46666666666668,3.3743589743589752,16.435897435897438,5.369823440869387,-0.7577179487179486,274,8,63,2,13,89,52,75,0.35200000000000004,0.5489999999999999,0.099,-0.9670000000000001,0,0,0,0,2,1,6.0,0,0,4,2,3,7,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,11,1,7,8,1,8,2,3,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921696351594572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672437323579846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360233105950892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453814242026435,0.0,0.22656239035755624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444182865334786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289632613494238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117843390820528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176955812641267,0.20257463557865527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009384119558875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302388518688219,0.19827839405640432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410729358504742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848084341121366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nodepthjustfilth,2019/03/30,"My therapist might be avoiding the term BPD I started seeing a therapist again after a severe anger/depressive episode lasting a couple days causing my ex and i to break up back in January.  It was a very intense and short lived relationship lasting less than three months. I explained to him the obvious history they ask for including hospitalizations and trauma stuff.

I have done research beforehand on BPD and i always have related to it so closely but I don’t want to diagnose myself or ask about it then me told no and thinking I’m dumb for even questioning if I have bpd. 

This therapist the last several sessions has talked about me being emotionally dysregulated, having a pattern of unstable relationships, etc. Then a few weeks ago he started incorporating dbt without telling me. I just figured it out myself bc a hospital i stayed at shortly was all dbt and the worksheets he gives me all come from a dbt workbook. some of the worksheets are even directly from a BPD workbook.

I just don’t understand why no one will tell me a diagnosis and i’ve been in therapy for years. I don’t know how to go about asking about it without feeling a sense of rejection even if i don’t have it. I just want to know. This might be more of a vent but if anyone has any advice on how to go about it feel free to let me know.",4.835942809780356,6.431339055118112,5.929983423124742,76.35817861583094,69.86614173228347,9.44185661002901,33.053460422710316,9.811843763644266,3.409373228346457,1056,50,193,26,19,351,144,254,0.109,0.855,0.036000000000000004,-0.9513,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,16,5,1,1,17,0,23,1,0,3,3,43,45,18,0,5,11,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,10,0,1,3,8,4,0,2,5,3,25,2,33,33,8,31,0,1,1,0,17,10,1,8,16,145,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921148114214917,0.08356036586860427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843615437198888,0.0,0.0,0.06410353297636373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591238309783767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643755649289423,0.0,0.0,0.07248407999832772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748946148565623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683627329450203,0.0,0.08120107800118452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430259306080007,0.0,0.060793221953496214,0.0,0.08119043365016622,0.09567714072542008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646597433365088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060356035043743,0.0,0.0,0.10513055763512523,0.18678372320797115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953265821312072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042771927870663,0.10714611164294638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541697991095044,0.2305160305138595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639250025866256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323785250251492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000008503820872,0.0,0.0,0.07524154161169629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387650373325056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559853910005958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024109819262953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751171182265105,0.0,0.0,0.21298557095542975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344271354979242,0.10047410515068836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791104146287532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576675508086768,0.16478378811910335,0.0,0.10780041176931464,0.3283473061557303,0.0,0.0604013004341047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007438834276588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981333432723204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777861915893168,0.11120005296641276,0.0,0.07561381555870207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505963386074651,0.0,0.0,0.18173647719009245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070366456255458
bpd,JustKindaLiving,2019/03/30,"I would truly like a friend with BPD. I'm in my mid-twenties, female, gay as heck and clumsily lost trying to find my way around this whole life thing. With BPD it doesn't make this any easier at all. I can't say I am enjoying life as it is or even remember ever enjoying it.

I don't know what to do with my time but read, play videogames, go to work, read some more and daze out to Netflix/Cable and vape nicotine or drink coffee, my only current vices since I quit marijuana.

I have never been able to keep up things, but I would try my best with you if you do with me. Sometimes I have bad days and I don't have the energy to type, so maybe someone who wouldn't mind voice chatting once in awhile, gaming in silence, sharing book recommendations, life stories, thoughts, dreams, comfort and maybe more.

Anyway, I'm not even sure if I can post this here. I just have no other place to be understood and I feel like any other subreddit would back away knowing I have a personality disorder.

​

I think I am a good person in a sense, but I do need work. It's a longshot, but maybe someone here would like company and we can help eachother grow properly even if there's drama that most likely will happen.

​

I am lonely and losing hope sometimes.

​

Thank you for reading.",5.397220588235292,5.885201454901964,5.711115196078431,82.50314338235296,67.78431372549021,8.57107843137255,29.270833333333336,8.472884824447931,1.9782598039215689,1021,34,203,14,16,326,154,255,0.11,0.7140000000000001,0.175,0.9628,1,2,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,3,0,6,12,20,0,0,6,0,26,5,0,1,4,51,42,20,0,10,11,0,1,4,1,6,3,2,0,2,14,16,1,1,8,10,0,2,8,5,0,0,4,3,27,15,24,31,7,20,0,3,0,1,13,10,1,8,10,135,41,7,0.08677292116964411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820552715018976,0.3163157909719093,0.11801712393122793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724629676859547,0.0,0.0,0.08152601582877522,0.06672302020668543,0.07245176466931419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106282730373573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185749131661154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596135560975903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944928531374662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500442795014418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193808817291908,0.07849107504143392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387499617792995,0.06199059222164322,0.0,0.0,0.07930887792504224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704054364612938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049315050783461815,0.0727810093637374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673300761834334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058162059965335924,0.0,0.0,0.08618508985022633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712775931047447,0.0,0.0,0.09537625633380103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838708412068097,0.16957146485575733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707670313520043,0.09472289381156533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792159868351299,0.0,0.2615251871646735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761591420209001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643410215515993,0.06692462618693648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241032908388436,0.0,0.06599471668709607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153353555547447,0.09065923394745344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310447222965983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229368275390687,0.2603892094633649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829680431515904,0.0,0.0,0.06900530972413456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177945707815511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704482903653407,0.0,0.1716412756292543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178245128704913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988884750337857,0.0,0.0,0.11529614622343105,0.0556005841485168,0.0,0.06888800677934623,0.050597988143366815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782623510009678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688763058774425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687886764624336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634344014400836,0.0,0.0,0.24656397424872425,0.0,0.3163157909719093,0.0
bpd,QuestioningPolyamory,2019/03/30,"Polyamory and BPD So hi, I've recently been diagnosed with BPD and it makes a lot of sense to me. The part I'm struggling with is my partner wants a polyamorous relationship, I'm really struggling with the idea, because on the best of days I'm waiting for her to walk out the door on me. We. Have three children together and have been together for five years now. We are on a few adult facebook groups where she flirts like no tomorrow with other guys and honestly it's like having a knife struck into my chest every time I see these things. She has made it clear recently that if we can't do this polyamorously then this relationship can't go on. I have no support whatsoever apart from her and I can't even begin to imagine losing her, id rather die. Is there anybody else out there that has gone through something similar that can offer any advice? I apologize if this isn't the right sub reddit but I figure having BPD will make these things a little more difficult. Any advice would be appreciated because I can feel her distancing herself from me, she doesn't love me like she used to. I'm pushing her away and I am struggling to stop myself. I always thought she was my soul mate but these things are confusing me.  I have no issues with the flirting really, I'm just worried about what's going to happen when it does get taken further. I'm a constant mess worrying about what's going to happen and if I'm going to be able to handle it, and what I'm supposed to do if I can't, I've been trying to bring myself around to it but it's so fucking hard. Sorry for the read. ",3.8358701366982153,5.255972454258675,4.748631703470032,84.54273725026289,72.09148264984228,7.680809674027341,26.77300210304942,8.212053250817874,1.6736856992639324,1256,43,250,19,24,408,164,317,0.145,0.78,0.075,-0.9694,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,0,2,14,17,1,4,13,0,31,4,1,4,1,45,62,19,1,7,9,0,2,3,2,2,1,0,1,4,23,20,0,2,5,1,0,8,9,8,0,2,8,3,34,9,36,50,5,34,1,1,1,2,26,14,1,6,15,173,57,1,0.10339170115776683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206634752157704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603017789975359,0.0,0.0,0.14061980447957176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204053434398797,0.0,0.0,0.09713990668440077,0.0,0.0,0.12605324275739951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850321160402382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906546846303755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172969837679136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667909386473236,0.0,0.0,0.1049404002969216,0.10730426235731168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047877442754064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637049938399344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828924350434781,0.0,0.08711196747292438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052277950678392485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955839616886788,0.054017896519838064,0.0,0.2350395457225883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237403936628918,0.18285787975495302,0.0,0.092618656037611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671664572600038,0.0,0.10791407400143482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153588800740314,0.10362564653456653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156688670226204,0.0,0.0878999270021113,0.09331504697640763,0.09783172754222864,0.13802952674505278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196313690613556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034196804204611,0.0,0.13247074251496266,0.0,0.2041736632510563,0.22200798755888124,0.0,0.08829594786607545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238979965406555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959598281274469,0.0,0.115738544642871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644009174180861,0.0,0.3242623643854757,0.0,0.0,0.11732767722674245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206066556264768,0.0,0.0,0.08208146175417723,0.060288532399129624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019617827661491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929723351872956,0.0,0.0,0.06098310412945819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999858255663648,0.0,0.07344649804965175,0.0,0.0,0.06658086571552445
bpd,chefmonster,2019/03/30,"New Employee with BPD- How can I be nurturing and supportive? Thank you for reading this! The Reddit subs on BPD have literally saved my life. I discovered them when I was trying to navigate a relationship that eventually turned out to be horribly toxic and abusive, but before I cut ties (changed locks) I read everything I could about it hoping to salvage the relationship. It didn't work, but I did end up with a lot more information about mental illness, BPD, and the human condition in general. After the relationship ended I sought out a therapist who specialized in BPD and she was amazing. Since then (4 years now) I still keep up on the subs and news. I'm happy that more celebrities are coming out and opening the world up to something that has been hidden or misunderstood for so long. I've really tried not to malign people with the disorder based on my traumatic experience, but I have to be honest: when I hear that someone has BPD my first instinct is to run away. I don't, but PTSD is a helluva thing to overcome.

​

I guess I'm here to ask people with BPD: what do you wish people knew/understood? How have your employers helped, how could your employers have been better? I just hired a guy who disclosed his diagnosis the first day. We had a drink after his shift today and he opened up and I told him that I had experience with it, so I feel like communication is already off to a good start, but I've never had to manage an employee with a confirmed diagnosis before. I guess I'm just asking if any managers have experience/tips about things NOT to do and if anybody here with a diagnosis feels comfortable sharing their experiences about positive and negative work spaces. I really try to provide the best working environment for my cooks as I can and help people thrive, and I want all my employees to feel comfortable where they work. But my experience is with an unhinged, abusive monster who wouldn't go to therapy and I don't want to approach other people with my baggage. I'd rather be helpful and learn as much as I can.

​

Sorry this isn't more concise, and thank you for reading. 

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bpd,BrushyTuna,2019/05/23,"In Another One Of Her Moods I've let my disorder get out of hand and I've driven everyone close to me away (except my fiance)
I had lots of friends at the place I work, but I've lashed out so much in the past year that my friends aren't my friends anymore. 

Nobody said hello to me when I came in today and everyone tiptoes around me. I don't know how I let it get this bad, but its unacceptable. I don't want to be known as the person who's ""in one of their moods."" I want to be normal and positive. I can only hope I have the ability to make back all the friends I've pushed away.",3.2335629921259863,3.2158460866141745,4.816998031496066,88.80218996062996,72.38582677165354,8.55472440944882,26.111220472440944,8.472884824447931,1.3669377952755901,451,13,109,7,8,153,75,127,0.102,0.695,0.203,0.9441,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,0,5,0,10,1,1,2,1,22,20,9,0,4,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,4,2,18,5,21,12,3,20,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,2,5,73,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166403740830432,0.0,0.0,0.15289838171753642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724683003159352,0.0,0.0,0.2897015832648662,0.11854967029596855,0.12872817788076832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633306270019955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669583823684712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29463818925182694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764553115906345,0.0,0.1610982620899285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312876956893245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472955591197136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153050745745037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131072536975512,0.0,0.0,0.10291180473658867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333503760961805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105699688387858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894349372747129,0.11725566199335792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471757595445695,0.0,0.1346180870053299,0.16107817452602075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665401360834865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613816171892025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818706896240748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223992204440024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928248271639704
bpd,hanniecrawfish,2019/05/23,"Need help coping with mania I've had manic episodes in the past, but they were very short and mild. This one has been intense and I don't know how to deal with it at all.  I've been obsessed with buying expensive purses and have gone to the lengths to search for sugar daddies- something I have never done or wanted.  I have also been obsessed with sex, but in a very destructive way. I have a boyfriend that I love so much and am extremely loyal to, but I constantly fantasize about having sex with older men. These thoughts have NEVER crossed my mind before and I haven't told anyone about it.  I have also been obsessing over fantasy worlds to the point where I'm no longer content with reality. It's almost like I've lost interest in my life if that makes sense.  I don't know how to deal with these thoughts and emotions.  Can anyone give me any advice or coping methods??? Please.",3.936229235880401,5.788925546511628,4.2258471760797365,86.64755813953491,72.6046511627907,7.007308970099668,25.657807308970103,7.7094869923839395,1.3594621262458482,702,23,135,9,14,219,105,172,0.10099999999999999,0.767,0.131,0.7577,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,8,9,1,3,5,0,20,5,0,3,3,33,33,17,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,13,1,0,4,1,2,2,6,5,0,1,12,1,13,4,21,21,2,17,0,1,0,3,8,9,0,4,6,91,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099129725093494,0.0,0.0,0.16497281864076574,0.0,0.0,0.2635002191270676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203530434438966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303933514289476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018968367339704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780356729733493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33969898511201035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859593054463373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853210042936932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804272526280996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042811199686983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108402492188647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636743871546475,0.08048828017665233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984353258335847,0.0,0.14869284915598946,0.0,0.10997156548913127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635002254017314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110983324605927,0.12215966109397733,0.2541299300720868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163851981214497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727203230567666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084546932983195,0.1557415220760642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268322081945739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158538856445523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742520018884862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27187117041334674,0.09717351913971684,0.13077047862297042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,harley_quinn95,2019/05/23,"Having depression every birthday Today well...technically yesterday i turned 24 and every birthday i spend it alone and no one ever celebrate my birthday in any way i just get happy birthdays from my “friends” from snapchat cuz u know the icons shows up on their screens (btw i never celebrated my birthday one once in my life in my 18th birthday and it was a shitshow) anyways... its like a week before my birthday i go into depressive episode and start to hallucinate (this time seeing bugs crawling on me or like crawling in the corner of my eyes) so its like a reminder that im still alive.. i get depressed like like im avoiding the inevitable ...and really yesterday well technically two days ago i was at a gathering and felt depressed cuz all the girls were taking pics of each other and chatting and shit and im like sitting aside no one approaching me so i of course try to make small conversation but its fuckn annoying to be left out... and what was made me more sad that out of nowhere people started to sing happy birthday and brought a cake to some random girl in the gathering... and im like mmmmm i guess Im invisible so i just plugged in my earphones and started to listen to music and look up memes cuz thats shit keeps me going ....i know i need to see my doc that i only go for to get my medications and not for actually sit down and work on myself...last time we actually sat down was 6-8 months ago ....ill talk to her in two weeks...i guess..so yah thats life for now
Sorry for the long post and wasting ur time lmfao ...",3.3970394736842096,5.169385835526316,4.639900000000001,83.45510000000003,73.86842105263158,7.49557894736842,27.949473684210524,8.238735603445708,1.9190072631578947,1210,48,238,20,25,399,165,304,0.11800000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.6369,0,2,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,0,1,1,10,20,3,1,11,1,7,7,3,5,3,44,32,25,0,1,5,0,1,7,1,0,4,1,0,2,13,22,0,2,3,3,1,5,4,9,1,5,9,7,30,11,38,22,4,49,0,5,5,0,13,21,2,4,26,144,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.17102577034660688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535495546056916,0.0,0.0,0.0907568150929231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959046138014749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745654950439111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565132056969514,0.0,0.30189758200388683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926509679507933,0.14766177076282544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413720995488412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770164860781992,0.0,0.13734699980484638,0.0,0.14940407957497925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306559190479275,0.0,0.0,0.1865645748039957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4732696929648069,0.0,0.0,0.07788833703838455,0.0,0.0,0.09631678743424336,0.07142901478303852,0.0,0.0,0.09520874382636192,0.0,0.12378936092081642,0.2996763962611605,0.0,0.0,0.07754856450791374,0.07358596462922229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829163118727733,0.058492779258671274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827660804724152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994432243302051,0.0,0.0,0.06497550579463478,0.06758458805516074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332161237226712,0.17813824693025684,0.0666455084658367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075064640255703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392398794271409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613713299526117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965731761821418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989902284883513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980930573792316,0.1860719487453918,0.0,0.0699803230982226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588581104811522,0.07043255937563228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532908458332275,0.0,0.08306167845926121,0.0,0.0,0.05949407576134483,0.0953147671576704,0.1712008428593565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695555137877907,0.07029038723213328,0.0,0.15757729273428642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637946735163941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lmYourHuckleberry,2019/05/23,"Recently started D&Desque games with some friends. I feel trapped. So diagnosis is BPD + bipolar2

Really long and rambly. Sorry... I just needed to say something/tell someone.... Hopefully get some feedback or be told I'm being ridiculous. 

Idk if this is the right place. If it's not let me know. Otherwise here goes.


A while back I was in a really low spot with my disorders. I posted that I felt alone, that I was sorry for the way I treated people in the past because I was unmedicated and didn't know I had issues going on. The response was overwhelming, and helped tremendously at that time and place.

I have some friends that do and have been doing DNDesque groups for a while now, I used to play with them and other friends when in high school, then with them and some other friends afterwards, was a mix of D&D, werewolf, and vampire. It was fun but I was not on any meds so I just kinda ran with it. 

When I made the post they offered for me to join their group again, I was thinking having some good regular contact would help me with things. It did at first, then I remembered why I wasn't really a fan originally and usually dropped out. I feel kind of silly saying this is an issue but I work early hours, even on weekends, so usually I don't have a lot of time after getting off work and turnaround to when they usually play as well as how long a game can go on and time to sleep before my next shift. I usually can't really put a lot of time into creating depth or a mindset or story for my character as I'm married and that usually takes a lot of my time when not working or veging out on self care like video games etc. (everyone else is single and renting a place together.) My characters are a lot alike, no real change in voices, mannerisms, just not really all around in my characters head or able to focus on the difference between them and play them really differently, and seem very 2D. I just can't get into them or keep them in my head as I play. I bought a book to try and help me get better at the backstory/mindset/purpose of my characters, but I havent had a ton of time to get into it, let alone any other books I've been wanting to read for my mental illnesses. I try to make them different and not really generic, but I just can't really visualize it in my head effectively for the games. 

I think the biggest thing is I have really bad anxiety and stress leading up to going the entire week before going every couple weeks. I'm not great at socializing or remembering a lot of things and I socialize all day anyways at work so I can be kinda drained. The thought of having to get into a characters mind, try and keep to an archetype or mentality, socialize, and try and keep track of what my characters thoughts, feeling and actions would be and separate it from my own, and try and get depth into it just makes me anxious and awkward. I never really feel like I change or do anything different, and just can't seem to get into my characters head. When I go and get there I do enjoy it I do drink a little (never too much, never drunk.) after the game gets going which kind of eases things at the same time I have to drive a ways and it stresses my wife and family out. Its never been an issue but there's always a risk. I know I'm not really changing anything, and feel anxious a little still. some of the group members have told me to try and be in the moment with my decisions, not to overthink it on some of the games. For me it just seems really hard. I'm the sole note taker, so I keep track of stuff, and try and keep up with my character as well.

I know they say to get out of your comfort zone, and things will get better the more I do it. It just seems like it's a little hard to balance working early, playing late, being married and spending time with my wife and myself. 

I feel kind of trapped about saying I think I can't go anymore or at least for a while. I'm pretty into the group right now it seems, they have worked me into the story or group so I feel like I'm going to mess things up if I leave. I'm afraid if I leave again, if I want to join in the future and since I've left so many times they may not let me rejoin as it's a group decision and I don't usually stick around. They ask me if I want to stop early every so often but I try and stick around until a good stopping point comes up, I don't want the game to stop just for me. I feel obligated to keep going regardless because they made a discord for the group and said it's to help keep up with attendance and plans with me. I've been asking a lot of the same questions as my memory is come and go recently, but I've been trying to keep up. 

Tl;dr: friends invited me to D&D. It seems like im just a bit of a nuisance, I throw off the groove of the game as I tend to not really have anything down or can get the hang of things, have a hard time getting depth into my character, any character, usually have to ask and reask the same questions even though I should know them for things like dice rolls etc.. I lose sleep and get maybe 5-6 (maybe less) hours sleep depending. I always have extreme anxiety and stress the week before going (it's 2 weeks on one week off.) have fun when there but tend to drink to lessen the anxiety of the game and situation but have a ways to go otw home. I feel trapped, sole not taker, feel like too engrained in the game to quit. Feel like they won't let me rejoin if I quit. Feel obligated as they created a discord to keep attendance and plans with me and the group instead of messaging one person. 

Just wanting opinions I guess.",4.774357487682278,5.104505365724382,5.74286915841338,82.28645871696614,69.10600706713781,9.133648534315434,28.39949236052357,9.116841773765447,2.1253385855770666,4382,141,905,78,71,1450,373,1132,0.08900000000000001,0.797,0.113,0.9843,4,5,3,0,0,0,120.0,0,1,18,16,51,48,1,7,67,0,74,11,7,10,6,229,175,109,0,18,51,2,16,8,5,6,1,6,2,2,42,80,3,12,36,23,3,23,28,12,2,3,28,22,115,36,145,131,28,165,0,3,0,0,68,67,0,48,77,619,157,12,0.032215626480257734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673134661789319,0.0,0.0,0.05361196394320837,0.10471685349543802,0.0,0.06572319218243827,0.0,0.07393459823804957,0.07278897621836973,0.03194924487134782,0.0,0.0,0.07953214693194235,0.08603621303061927,0.09035178590740234,0.0,0.0,0.02477182821137105,0.02689870246339815,0.039276693775461495,0.0,0.08223937602507432,0.0,0.0,0.056984207293341936,0.03517112034233578,0.0,0.0405744537904164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032845978255577106,0.0,0.10223958352944597,0.055501819292454034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03564597794939649,0.0,0.020776413947483405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463389170119094,0.03692189897736252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063118098667118,0.0,0.0,0.026912022105354847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718578786835136,0.04255623491480142,0.0,0.05428610951638796,0.03078341167222923,0.0,0.0,0.030370025528253575,0.0,0.19547026463625372,0.09205939997793064,0.030932053505917,0.0,0.0,0.02740259542674681,0.0,0.0,0.12444856552165195,0.0,0.25247002777479555,0.0,0.21970659525760847,0.05404187806318888,0.0,0.03551784192563647,0.035489144589848136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657662059718421,0.0,0.13225010790883598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637382141382155,0.03403757813702213,0.032314900061326465,0.03199738611258891,0.06345180547855325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03479840482793788,0.1008742324885896,0.0,0.2577125613084959,0.0,0.10064285251506053,0.08852432901065982,0.0,0.036340629883650624,0.06822339374668321,0.035002372432450926,0.13177064300614522,0.0,0.12591142259284235,0.09686556324589587,0.0,0.05701963133676737,0.0,0.036041045593294366,0.0,0.16433144155086082,0.0,0.06096640943376185,0.04300836166802279,0.03266158880846367,0.06472985374784572,0.0,0.03578429852644708,0.0,0.0649315485917719,0.0,0.03252859910227702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02368219224048073,0.02388747883239018,0.09938670868780032,0.0,0.034261684240068084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04366028449997821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03075346074952441,0.022334259075747438,0.028129442427920745,0.1009754187758932,0.0,0.030454180034555026,0.0,0.0617073298928252,0.032774873857203735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032385602628399,0.07217774910073425,0.0685305685232001,0.03222434448630713,0.03666843583274405,0.26829601826969274,0.0,0.06361808925423454,0.0,0.07298804948214553,0.055023937981895095,0.030644438086957937,0.10247663687066964,0.0,0.03260393390823383,0.0,0.17596737847988286,0.033607924385976116,0.0,0.0,0.026649099131567485,0.036211713945646935,0.09671667666126453,0.09851932256134746,0.027296195773062998,0.0,0.0,0.07212551262492257,0.02280238623564593,0.0,0.02572744092175503,0.08080111877327771,0.11070867386368538,0.0,0.036879184798788336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02422214182897009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712210459797969,0.06192741791569568,0.031651689449183514,0.05115121780985404,0.18785190871843727,0.0,0.0,0.06156682334445846,0.0,0.1968506612175049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0278239577117514,0.2483667282500389,0.026581265739554945,0.09500805588078408,0.07671379435813808,0.1292071617291464,0.0,0.05793143429391254,0.0,0.029069592078276286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072015858332318,0.0,0.0,0.04577011348019231,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,carnationsandcoffee,2019/05/23,Relapse? Hi everyone! I’m 25 and newly diagnosed with BPD. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression years ago. I’ve been reading through the page and have seen many people talking about relapsing. What exactly does it mean to relapse and what does that look like for you all? I understand it would look different for everyone but I’m just curious of things to look out for. Thank you so much in advance!,3.0334920634920657,5.940303922077924,3.990822510822512,81.68877344877345,81.20779220779221,9.136507936507938,30.633477633477632,9.444778638647367,3.677696681096682,330,17,59,11,9,106,54,77,0.046,0.8420000000000001,0.11199999999999999,0.7347,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,14,13,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,2,12,9,3,5,0,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,3,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080905989419747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877818845127102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284796020519637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562482065745834,0.3682547555527269,0.0,0.18953488664005744,0.0,0.0,0.3175063070585761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34669014572583007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862778497404022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570162474065269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392131294951106,0.0,0.19760872198997914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335725692753952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576688406234396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145913787645065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458105230767793,0.0,0.1670179969106502,0.0,0.0,0.12052077352186424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888542553859931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886849158641792,0.0,0.0,0.11682212169567376
bpd,LaJardinera,2019/05/23,"BPD and sobriety Hi there, I’m new here. Anyone have experience with BPD symptoms getting better while abstaining from alcohol?",5.620000000000001,9.371696714285717,6.2447619047619085,62.758571428571464,81.85714285714286,10.41904761904762,35.57142857142857,9.725611199111238,5.662542857142857,105,6,13,4,3,34,20,21,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.4404,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084911485051055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183869679942051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25529746726200403,0.0,0.0,0.7271176194421031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28236614693834505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081361828005768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787908880068512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000296232767509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,4cidquen,2019/05/23,"DAE abandons people beacause of a fear of being abandoned first? I hate that this happens with every sort of relationship I get into. Whenever I feel abandoned, in any situation - most of the time it's not real abandonment, it's just that the person is too busy to go out or anything -, I finish the relationship. But then everything gets worse, I feel alone and all the anxiety from feeling abandoned turns into anxiety from feeling alone and empty without a partner. 

I just broke up with a guy I liked because of this, and I can't help but hate him so much, and hate myself even more.",6.1872200772200765,6.9121681081081086,6.752844272844275,74.89135135135137,66.11711711711712,9.225740025740027,33.87516087516087,9.23628265651192,3.121629601029601,464,20,81,8,7,152,74,111,0.27699999999999997,0.6559999999999999,0.067,-0.9683,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,3,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,29,15,9,0,0,7,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,9,0,5,4,0,0,1,3,10,0,1,0,4,10,1,16,14,4,10,0,6,0,0,7,5,0,3,5,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322481014629227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586969379885272,0.0,0.2381939469670207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811374133315453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490283578809153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282707085701977,0.0,0.13116953698956255,0.0,0.13991772983198067,0.0,0.0,0.17518651713083913,0.3148717579994629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324237742015241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267575354349645,0.0,0.08847816574758065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415052297608967,0.13766985247925487,0.0,0.0,0.4611138247074587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043509496609804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605878902693555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444482644842732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793090343253806,0.1359362817455564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720119541300114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342902907701418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499407469658876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907799365573048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693382628658972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007273623508074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865415029320173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Angelic_conundrum,2019/05/23,"Does anyone else...? When your BPD gets triggered, do you ever imagine events that haven't happened yet but may happen in the future? 

I find myself often having pretend arguments, struggles, and emotional outburst in my head about events that have never and may never actually happen in the future. Most of the time the outburst in my head involve me trying my ass off to explain things to the people involved in the hypothetical arguments.

For reference, I have BPD and likely Complex PTSD.",8.803139534883721,9.485297686046517,8.406372093023261,65.4281627906977,60.511627906976734,9.670697674418603,36.967441860465115,9.3871,3.8233981395348833,395,17,55,6,5,126,59,86,0.17800000000000002,0.802,0.02,-0.9447,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,6,0,7,3,3,1,3,17,12,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,11,10,1,16,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,4,11,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.17375416178232053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449888225754258,0.18243646397455687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485033461163673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581548620742428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487405354531258,0.2002857960120038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105924182433315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627373270375396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302540693542953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723553610415189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36546774127723175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698776118906783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746510873333042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343961523480272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813457038119804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613978171552487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829058199426346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382420681466537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088638155497056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,advicethrowaway695,2019/05/23,"Seeking advice on friend's sudden actions At the beginning of this week a friend of mine that I know has BPD took some very sudden actions. They ended some chats with various friends, withdrew to themselves (to avoid 'saying anything rash'). They also changed their travel plans- originally going to visit their family out of state for a week for Memorial Day, and now extending that stay to who knows how long and canceling long terms plans. 

I have no idea how to approach this situation. I've seen minor mood swings and bad moods from them before (although I'm also aware of worse moods when I wasn't there in person). This one is beyond anything I've seen or known about, and they aren't really responding to me or a few others I know have independently messaged them. My primary instinct is to give space, but also I'm second guessing myself as that should be for a 'normal' mood swing that is expected to work through. This feels so different, and I'm lost as to whether to reach out more, especially as I don't think it unlikely they simply do not return from out-of-state for a very long time if at all.",8.85424528301887,7.3769091415094366,8.42988679245283,72.38398113207548,61.35849056603774,11.498867924528305,35.350943396226405,10.355215969177356,3.4666211320754723,886,30,162,16,10,283,135,212,0.053,0.9209999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.631,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,8,4,11,10,0,1,6,0,12,1,1,4,1,33,28,21,0,4,6,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,1,7,2,0,7,5,3,0,2,5,4,17,3,33,21,7,33,0,1,2,0,19,8,0,6,16,109,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361436644022168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342468134798921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22929996422443366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632789539465498,0.0,0.0,0.11855260236169725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754709478142815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738400602767693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898510443634824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455616427195954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339777449043934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134020711932026,0.0,0.07044529541995811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32291906418274235,0.0,0.0,0.13365017933767093,0.07917979769166811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347868563962308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727736994084315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297028765394161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698862641391875,0.0,0.0,0.15208621809397652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365057971100497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440806698994796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165043428090128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925312172599015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079429863306982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660355653445987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849851659748253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927179298159664,0.0,0.0,0.08123967026595381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479166190881827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299101753786111,0.0,0.0,0.22351111120427772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142794006436297,0.0,0.1419808312821259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uselessfxckingacc,2019/05/23,"I hate myself for thinking this way I literally want to fucking mutilate the shit out of myself for this. I want to kill myself for thinking the things and feeling the ways I do. I wish I was fucking normal and that I didn’t feel like this and didn’t want to do this shit. I wish I wasn’t full of hate and rage. I wish I wasn’t full of fear and disgust. I wish I didn’t have so much pent up anxiety and sadness. I wish I didn’t have so much trauma. I wish my brain chemistry was that of a fucking normal human being.

The first thing my mind goes to when I’m angry is killing. I have no fucking empathy for people anymore. I only care about a select few people in my fucking life. I’d go and pull a random fucking stranger off the street and torture and kill them because I know they’ve done something wrong in their life. I know they’ve done fucked up shit to other people. 

But I can’t. It’s so fucked up how I feel and think this way. It’s so absolutely disgusting and horrible. I know why I want to do this. I want to do to people what they’ve done to me. I want people to feel my pain physically, as I’ll never be able to make them understand emotionally. I also think fucking someone up physically is a lot better than fucking them up emotionally, but whatever.

My morals and values go to war in my fucking head. They fight and argue and I don’t know who I am or if I’m good or bad. What am I? Who am I? Am I just a product of my past, or will I be able to take the wheel? Is there anything even left out there for me? 

I take the anger and torture I want to give to everyone else and inflict it on myself because I deserve it. For thinking these horrible things, I deserve this badness. I deserve this pain. I’m not allowed to be ok. I’m only allowed to be void of all, or be far down below everyone and everything.

This is always how it gets when I’m angry, and it’s so hard to fucking stop. I can’t stop myself. I’m self aware, and I know what I’m doing and feeling and thinking, but I can’t rid it without self harm. I go to the extremes with my emotions and it’s so stupid, the reason. I just want to fucking die.",1.388129139072845,3.003308472406186,3.4920921633554123,90.19707864238413,79.06622516556291,6.031103752759383,24.128532008830014,6.853354925485097,0.7633302869757168,1650,58,366,17,40,563,171,453,0.226,0.667,0.106,-0.997,2,0,1,0,1,1,45.0,0,0,5,2,17,45,31,1,14,1,38,22,5,6,2,83,100,42,5,17,12,0,6,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,29,25,0,2,18,0,0,4,14,40,0,1,11,6,63,5,51,82,7,33,1,1,0,13,13,19,16,7,8,252,92,0,0.1030861835173882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121899185742152,0.04288798137422534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03943032411575487,0.0,0.05111689698271213,0.0,0.0,0.04241557276136562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607265732425701,0.06284038066083715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558567605564179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753913672659796,0.0,0.0,0.052551617214980126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349359164080671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823943474511826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043057639299312216,0.17393712215413276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034043725992141616,0.0,0.0,0.09850326601220716,0.0463236073549718,0.0,0.0,0.058000308061024186,0.1303086794490977,0.03682239505120776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384252751914457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6194598510957636,0.0269291380812579,0.04944483027235018,0.08787938057244468,0.04323189992176768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046172486120806,0.1017762642249279,0.052898082326752534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107438285985205,0.0,0.1416336763113837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600172000887221,0.0,0.07281282003896478,0.025181351091168747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043820093414837794,0.0,0.0,0.03440541398759515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204382939248138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578020613357732,0.0,0.03975320989512005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100257257785583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840168780631049,0.10969096737884827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920371330607297,0.1786674497249272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299488281774758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754137166987428,0.0,0.15872472898850454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04367229438348666,0.0396803902034699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618466531427772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750798077124464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272881961527876,0.1981603918808636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053658176285562055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24321160763789504,0.1227375213138325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650962329714765,0.0,0.3556320707601235,0.0496857011358624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635427946803233,0.0,0.0
bpd,opeitsalwayssunny,2019/05/23,"New to This Hey everyone. I would like to preface this by saying I have not been formally diagnosed with BPD as I cannot afford counseling at this point in time. That being said, I really do think I have BPD. When looking at the signs, symptoms, etc. it just feels like I'm looking in the mirror. 

What should I do to control this until I can get help? Please delete if not allowed. I'm just really sick and tired of what I'm going through. I can't let it ruin another relationship.",1.7744329896907232,4.062194742268041,3.6424845360824776,86.22455154639178,80.95876288659794,7.178969072164946,23.1020618556701,8.238735603445708,1.5189018556701028,378,13,76,8,10,127,65,97,0.07,0.795,0.135,0.6503,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,12,4,0,2,0,14,22,5,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,5,8,2,13,16,1,10,0,1,2,0,5,5,0,1,6,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292550218297227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634481867929021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635609248209005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674205181340367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519317249887825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580663434788876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930289168581465,0.13143972996344996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961251605884582,0.0,0.104563559175822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233220264879588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813828612819528,0.0,0.17977266187792335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30900402675374666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769495345236402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019615237065092,0.17392636497564884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357324556843232,0.0,0.0,0.197532251632388,0.0,0.0,0.1750129445986838,0.1463131573861265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123203890789428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789088480009045,0.0,0.0,0.1072837935549841,0.21146499408580646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306984698504477,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,colorofbanana,2019/05/23,"Do you think people with bpd who have cheated once are more likely to continue to cheat? I understand just because someone is diagnosed with bpd doesn’t mean they are doomed to be cheaters. But I wonder if cheating once or even by sexting is an indicator that they will struggle with being faithful in a long term and loving relationship. 

Obviously this question is inspired by personal experience, and I’m interested in hearing your thoughts. This is a throwaway as my SO knows my account.",7.258901515151514,8.841660420454549,7.293636363636362,68.8937878787879,64.11363636363636,9.957575757575757,40.80303030303031,10.125756701596842,4.642266666666667,399,23,62,9,6,128,69,88,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.122,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,2,0,3,10,3,1,3,0,12,2,0,0,1,18,21,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,8,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,8,5,11,17,2,5,2,1,0,1,10,2,0,4,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724221340939985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844642777175751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952102863479456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703175079616474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813505239130365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167692050458327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569920506166386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396242694652382,0.0,0.0,0.1702054613845112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358478707242833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950309329538144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096490551890825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333698522942125,0.16793460829852958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21545293786325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648979182601646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629600713535419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010644417353389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232369097166924,0.0,0.152688055387196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022168195272216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857302350610424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AdolescentCudi,2019/05/23,I'm going to the hospital I'm otw to the hospital right now. I didn't trust myself not to do something stupid so I'm going to have myself admitted. Proud of doing what I know to be the right decision even if I have an inferiority complex about my suicidality,2.3545283018867917,4.483584830188678,5.687396226415096,73.16656603773588,78.05660377358491,8.768301886792452,25.69433962264151,9.3871,2.5776973584905662,208,8,40,6,5,77,35,53,0.153,0.763,0.084,-0.5722,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,13,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,7,11,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25447530761940684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43792958913560975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174106122770808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6580579119561077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966091169285339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214362727964112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,koalakinda,2019/05/23,"It gets better as you get older? I read in a BPD group on facebook that symptoms ease as you get older... Or you just get used it.

I'm in my early 30s and my relationships still crumble within a matter of weeks. Any idea when the symptoms ease?",1.3737999999999992,3.4663047799999984,3.1780000000000013,90.089,81.2,4.800000000000002,20.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.06959999999999987,189,5,39,1,5,63,37,50,0.0,0.818,0.182,0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505742374069554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146654659660165,0.0,0.0,0.30569641811105835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.507243193429484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740005068629968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24278494878389906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605896560014682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383591896441066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045565048102431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096315147972488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946947541865648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deathbypencil,2019/05/23,"Stopping medication (venting) So I’m currently in the process of getting all my ducks in a row to move back from to the US after living in the UK for four years. All is going well, except for the bright idea I had to come off my medications so I didn’t have to faff around with transferring my prescriptions over and deal with the US healthcare weirdness right out of the gate.

I’m currently taking an SSRI and an SNRI. I’ve been on and off various SSRIs for a large part of my life. They’ve a.) never made a terribly noticeable difference and b.) have never given me trouble even if I stopped them cold turkey, save for some brain zaps. But one of the ones I’m on at the moment, Venlafaxine (aka Effexor) is absolutely not letting me go without a fight.

It’s infuriating because I did it all properly, I tailed the bloody stuff off with my GP’s help and everything. And it’s still giving me a ridiculous amount of trouble. Aside from the brain zaps, I’ve gone from being stable and reasonably settled to fighting mood swings, feeling burned out and depressed at random intervals, splitting on my partner for the first time in a while... absolute nightmare. I have NEVER had this much trouble coming off a medication before.

I’m determined at this point to work through it and once I’ve recovered from the withdrawal, I’m never touching the stupid stuff again. It was never intended to treat BPD anyway, it was just another one of the meds the doctors threw at me when they were still stubbornly insisting that I just had depression and couldn’t work out why SSRIs and basic talk therapy weren’t helping. So the fact that it’s causing more problems coming off it than it ever fixed (I only started to get better after I got diagnosed and started to address behaviour and thought processes, nothing to do with the meds) just really pisses me off.

I’ve not really got any point to make, just ranting and I’m going to be really happy when this shit is over. 

Anyone else had problems like this with medication?",6.330061082024432,7.060311146596861,6.8038874345549765,74.63141579406634,65.80628272251309,10.136300174520072,33.45593368237347,10.125756701596842,3.462130541012216,1606,67,283,36,24,524,203,382,0.09300000000000001,0.784,0.12300000000000001,0.8515,3,0,0,0,3,0,39.0,2,0,2,4,18,24,7,0,27,0,22,11,4,5,10,63,49,22,0,4,10,0,2,1,1,0,7,0,2,1,17,26,0,3,4,0,0,9,11,16,1,5,18,4,24,7,61,27,9,60,0,2,1,0,12,26,2,3,26,205,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855673165373323,0.09029226844207458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060209064157840726,0.08822833237531517,0.0,0.07665481957955764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662121200588869,0.0,0.0524909413545674,0.0,0.07327198989213919,0.0,0.0,0.07615596924403238,0.0,0.0,0.10845063928150493,0.192251123863135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845714746712209,0.0,0.2225245402431614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877408077146719,0.1483302468790918,0.08739831323993744,0.0,0.08996505349999198,0.0,0.08813569677492195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193260115735922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687385104139376,0.07789006654818356,0.0,0.0,0.07738876599508615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353904402884365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324384469483787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089976272765215,0.08260311789390412,0.14681233192397564,0.0,0.13773766455835873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166409765816934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543342268883508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720601345728834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805177357635079,0.060820978904538886,0.0420682627780155,0.0,0.07603538161024584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147794314055744,0.05747809128177268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129425975661785,0.3469810119943941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151970642309668,0.06329965404671126,0.0,0.3320609116807913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262342651106183,0.09803509607719132,0.0,0.0917027404489452,0.17504804093087056,0.06548939318098206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324711248443264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280072730500414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647884073989338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548992690171915,0.08853387763808307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735361870888806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838913612806458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189607663843355,0.0,0.13753271600173764,0.14398112058204404,0.0,0.0,0.19714725863070245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474287441275567,0.06921074922938153,0.0,0.0,0.09847257227562213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836052926504768,0.05021055784508777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071558424734548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774218812176995,0.0,0.07769952642680493,0.0,0.0,0.08300551960559598,0.0,0.12537602466966385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545104974944829
bpd,MissWeirdness,2019/05/23,"My experience Hi, I am a 21 year old Dutch female who has BPD. I was diagnosed when I was 18 years old, when I had moved out of my family home to escape the emotional abuse and abandonment. I was scared when they told me what I had and what it was. I didn't know how to deal with it and how my life would look like. I've had really bad times like breakups, moving twice and school failing. I decided I needed serious help and got onto a waiting list for DBT, which I have been in for almost 6 months now. It's been really helping me, even though it didn't seem like it at first. I thought I was a hopeless case, that I didn't deserve to be in this world and had no place. As of now I am together with an amazing person for a year now, who has supported me. I have no family and limited friends.   
I wanna say that everyone has a chance at life and everyone can learn to deal with this, even if it seems hopeless. Suicide is not the right option. There are always people who love you and will be there for you. It's a long process and BPD will never fully be out of your system, but you can live with it. I love every single person who struggles and wanna give hope to people. I went from the worst situation to my current, which is way better.

​

If I can do it, so can everyone else! Please never stop believing in yourself. I will always believe in you too.",3.80277819548872,4.492922578571432,5.0337969924812045,85.22067669172935,71.42857142857143,8.466165413533835,25.808270676691734,8.6894789155246,1.6178571428571429,1062,31,227,18,19,353,150,280,0.113,0.746,0.141,0.792,1,0,0,0,1,3,34.0,0,5,1,4,15,19,0,2,10,0,36,5,0,2,2,42,51,22,1,7,4,0,0,3,1,4,3,1,1,2,21,17,0,4,6,0,0,3,8,9,0,2,18,2,33,10,30,26,2,36,0,4,1,2,23,12,0,7,22,168,54,3,0.0,0.1164668956254732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984311121816624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358339545361014,0.1065056950978821,0.11944266458311142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207461093796542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214960640995781,0.0,0.08693647304314182,0.0,0.0,0.2476054384705204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026815640724871,0.0,0.09977026329548393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211525246827406,0.11057186701145026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984962484230322,0.0,0.08282019037825465,0.2817834659250984,0.0,0.0961541733448083,0.1853329566955324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836121133129404,0.0,0.0,0.07594468626043256,0.0,0.0,0.09429626860964137,0.0,0.0,0.07861778190710499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177397306451966,0.0,0.09860077279346746,0.09763195900605627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054021935608090134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886137739376953,0.14407011410701745,0.0,0.08679881523800739,0.08699051681320748,0.08254544921513292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743532099981424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846041761323849,0.20895014716108465,0.0,0.07288662098571833,0.15162674591935724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062941465865952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629472475291424,0.17165980748067874,0.10270034674976898,0.10790153690658584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125944258095743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394583917726002,0.0,0.0781704072235092,0.09841331054763357,0.09948268672835356,0.0,0.17897336802970784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049091819689227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218141619399769,0.0,0.10276227071117848,0.0,0.10752190935435818,0.11154725173182928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657715276809148,0.07803752442073245,0.057318275269966974,0.0,0.0,0.0939278219750328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802426943687174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112310517901882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982798262453323,0.0,0.11944266458311142,0.18990180571306625
bpd,zsd99,2019/05/23,"Paranoid about my FP (best friend) realising that I copy his personality and hating me? My (25,m) FP (26,m) at the moment is my best friend, that I've known for only 1 year. I know, it's such a short time, but my old best friend (whom I had known for six years) got splitted by me over some things he did that I didn't like and I stopped talking to him. There was also some other legit flaws in him which was why I decided to end contact (e.g. he had no career/bad influence/etc).

Anyways, back to the point. I like my current FP a lot, we hang out almost every day with a group of mutual friends, and I've noticed that I have taken a lot of his traits because he's really charismatic and funny. 

Lately he's been a bit distant with me (I'm not sure if this is just due to my BPD perspective and nothing abnormal is happening), and I'm getting paranoid it's because he is noticing that I copy his personality and he is probably creeped out by it. 

Has anyone had this situation before? And what advice would you give to me?

I mean, I don't even know if I copied his personality that much, and the problem is that I can't fucking tell what's normal or not (another BPD symptom?). Like I use his phrases and jokes sometimes e.g. ""man"", ""dude"", ""nerd"", etc. but am I copying him? The way I talk online now is also pretty much same as him because we talk so much online.

It's just my personality to try to mirror the person that is talking to me because my idea of social skills is making the other person like you. And people like people that are similar to them. Is this not a normal concept? Fuck, I am so confused.",3.4070347648261787,4.548395935582825,5.0547392638036825,83.0160148261759,72.77300613496934,7.519222903885481,26.773517382413093,7.937092434478242,1.558127198364008,1249,43,255,17,24,424,169,326,0.087,0.7929999999999999,0.12,0.9431,1,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,2,2,1,4,13,20,3,1,12,0,26,3,0,2,1,49,41,21,0,6,10,0,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,7,23,17,0,1,7,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,10,0,44,14,25,30,13,22,0,0,0,2,41,7,2,9,18,175,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184361312104743,0.0,0.0,0.08386771070785408,0.0,0.0,0.13395637130578933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782355798727795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058562868434501036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440179281997731,0.06993123997116972,0.2042230774085417,0.0,0.07126863644215338,0.0,0.2636845268447072,0.0,0.09143786991441567,0.0,0.21097090973646104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401451581089648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418134189158296,0.0,0.18681609512108646,0.0553188444711412,0.0,0.07056650700637802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588330797414394,0.15485877538692874,0.04375810102580605,0.08034463902010883,0.0,0.0,0.06698586700218759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406354274405495,0.0,0.0,0.08268991080488924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094548272037877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920582114138031,0.0,0.0944783605289183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459030320404933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424096136178423,0.0,0.0,0.05590656398140256,0.0,0.0,0.09123285290168642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847068724819685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412262291469792,0.0803643923727199,0.1907093728771924,0.0878859205345413,0.0,0.0,0.06369882625411502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612920237544105,0.4387855045481518,0.0,0.0,0.07917476967595803,0.0,0.0,0.08520810889862457,0.09030116927897146,0.08014143681701771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365507088752012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414320490537434,0.0,0.08537683676018097,0.0,0.0,0.08283502334119673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002224282703971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893732129905437,0.08705265953966326,0.0,0.2692737419567208,0.07320484293090543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564255409169283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883773455432218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056863588894572076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233671833560831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648016782789443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557511825174996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949656481843998,0.0,0.0,0.10786988890970904
bpd,123marlenas,2019/05/23,"Do you see yourself accurately in your dreams? I just realized, after a few decades of existence, that in my dreams I do not look like myself in reality. I'm always taller, shorter, fatter, skinnier, different complexion, different hair, different tattoos than what I have or no tattoos at all, and through it all, I never have a face. Do most people dream like this, or is this a BPD symptom?


(Disclaimer: I am not diagnosed BPD but I've been doing extensive research and I think I might be. I plan on starting to see a therapist soon to work on myself. In the meantime, I have learned much in this sub; thank you all for your own stories and support you share.)",4.3382400000000025,6.198316144,5.238600000000002,79.76830000000002,71.56,8.520000000000001,33.3,9.120678840339163,3.1565200000000004,518,26,94,11,10,169,83,125,0.04,0.856,0.105,0.8312,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,5,0,2,2,5,0,0,5,0,12,4,2,0,4,18,20,6,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,17,5,15,17,7,13,0,0,3,0,6,9,0,4,6,74,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983734033731974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535978758797658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827729624451869,0.0,0.5644220832817884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595170267764282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121816652659356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103177435453286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237629953007046,0.0,0.13888541847147262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124841760389887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869939073118009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745844977858975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434767813796373,0.0,0.187167517579564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578943580078132,0.0,0.20908167266832128,0.0,0.11538518534500862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310971951230057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,istpcunt,2019/05/23,"New Playlist about BPD! Looking for song suggestions! Hi guys! I'm kinda new to this whole Reddit thing, but I was wondering if you guys would like to hear a playlist about BPD and suggest some songs to be added since I don't have much on it yet.

https://open.spotify.com/user/12160493137/playlist/07HIMQrcodz1oepIBSNqvB?si=8iatxbnKTUy3fqrCruRrgg 

That's the link to the playlist! Tell me what you think!

Thank you all again 💕

P.S. please don't give me hate for my username, I made it when I was 14 before the whole BPD thing started within me. I'm so not an ISTP anymore, if I ever really was.",5.485999999999998,8.428674409523811,3.339285714285719,89.8232142857143,71.57142857142857,5.723809523809526,20.97619047619048,6.742157984588678,0.1425047619047617,483,11,91,4,10,132,73,105,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,0,0,7,3,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,2,14,19,6,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,2,7,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,12,2,10,13,5,9,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,5,8,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079180879059173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293825494631315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5745013976747296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375370779842587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585931134734345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30110494518804404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011696601631036,0.0,0.0,0.17137033901774396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742834894714458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276829142329961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438724951247481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177355265980517,0.0,0.0,0.2936998554957418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690420626999644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740652002914407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577655205530758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762110588404926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328975785742207,0.1399863442225061,0.0,0.0,0.20202927588959205,0.09742689693023204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395146866686266,0.0,0.0,0.1648907174828619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801128834219116,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kleika03,2019/05/23,Gender Dysphoria? Does anyone else here struggle with really bad gender dysphoria?,8.6525,13.077125916666667,8.383333333333336,45.64500000000001,81.5,12.4,31.0,10.125756701596842,6.8457,69,3,5,3,2,22,10,12,0.392,0.608,0.0,-0.7545,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065451974287776,0.4492009956491034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660525233216249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836539582990683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662337844272349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808555102908877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583194250475148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Stimbiotic,2019/05/23,"Suuuuuuuuch a good listener... Ffs Why do you get referred to a shrink that doesn't listen for shit? One that knows what you have before even listening? One that ignores your point of view? Or how certain meds make you feel? Or if YOUR FUCKING SISTER WAS ALSO DIAGNOSED. 

But no fam..... All the bullshit face and feel. 

Apparently weeds fault. Amotivational syndrome....

Sure. Covers like, 4 symptoms... But fuck it. Even if there were other symptoms, pre dating your pot use. By yeaaaaars.

But no, definitely the weeds fault... Guy was fucking rude, impatient, and overall a fucking ass clown. 

Sooooooooo glad i went..

Tl;dr : phsyc was a useless tool.",2.347559523809526,5.005913160714286,3.0310714285714333,82.83059523809527,100.42857142857143,4.990476190476191,24.97619047619048,6.655083550727371,1.4940547619047622,502,22,84,8,21,157,86,112,0.242,0.626,0.133,-0.9451,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,6,0,0,5,15,6,0,6,0,7,10,3,3,3,20,21,11,0,2,7,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,10,0,2,5,6,7,5,4,16,1,3,0,1,1,5,11,1,6,4,2,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629575626842805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502651284766685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298660261055654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22513968300554846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723527841271755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.630252781571186,0.0890445659888483,0.0,0.0,0.1429516887540616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875614363378064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366589601565943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326528952244851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376580813495367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931340244148576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098055154400685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111492130120025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494772839035674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063173105366932,0.3542917130847545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719998213480878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799373343897335,0.15378989139209345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DummCuntryCunt,2019/05/23,Does anyone else only feel comfortable in abusive relationships? Like if I am in a relationship and the guy is nice to me and treats me well I am like wtf? Thinking he is secretly conspiring to ultimately destroy me and he is only pretending to be nice. But if I am in a relationship where the guy treats me like garbage I feel a kind of comfort like being safe and at home with him.,2.8385714285714267,4.9934557894736855,4.791654135338348,80.04657894736842,76.63157894736842,8.553383458646618,27.962406015037594,9.23628265651192,2.6141300751879704,304,13,60,8,7,104,45,76,0.122,0.583,0.295,0.9075,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,14,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,13,11,7,0,2,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,13,9,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,4,40,9,0,0.0,0.21938872555118694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294707756668746,0.1897221089250117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203801587916858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468052523062525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872486769577038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666823809540918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573430471679656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928195167051427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618465551000125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816506999964888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.59638960697093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864543278435966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664844181694331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NALLiO1,2019/05/23,How do you deal with feelings when you don’t get to talk to your FP (Favorite Person)? How do you tackle feelings they won’t talk to you again and whether they’re still friends with you or not? Do you get new hobbies?,3.968,4.570144466666669,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,71.0,6.0,28.333333333333336,3.1291,0.5283333333333338,171,6,39,0,3,51,28,45,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.5632,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,7,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,10,9,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,5,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,0,0,1,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349700383669519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430195000427277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620651369498643,0.0,0.35443607901893404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32760154665827473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961764224158057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27088561849900283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452723441175559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toxicfreejellyfish,2019/05/23,"A little celeb crush goes a long way I have celeb crushes, just like other person. However, sometimes I have a borderline FP celeb crush.

I warn you this story is just so so dumb. Also quite long.

I discover this celeb crush in particular, like weeks ago? They're a singer/songwriter. I heard their song on the radio but only recently I am actually into their stuff. It all started when one of my twitter mutual RT a clip of their performance and I thought ""holy shit, they're so cute and charming."" And then I digged up their stuff on spotify and so.

Over the days, I grew obsessed with them. I actually don't find them that physically attractive, but the way they talk and perform is just hella charming to me. I squaled watching their interview videos, I daydream about them ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. I even thought about ways to make them have sex with me (of course not in the way that it involve personal boundaries, just like, in the peak of my wishful thinking I thought ""what if he come into my city, and I met him and in a way, he attracted to me for some reason and we ended up sleeping together?"") and it was pretty rare for me to thought about a celeb crush to that extent.

But man, this person is like a serotonin shot. Thinking about them sends me blushing and giggling like 13-years-old girls with their very first crush (I'm pushing 30).

However, a little thing sends me into turmoil.

Initially, I don't care if they have an S/O. I don't usually care who my celeb crushes is dating. And even with my other celeb crushes, many times I find them to look cute together with their official s/o or spouses.

But this particular celeb crush, they talk about having a breakup that inspired one of their album, and knowing that I was, ""well okay"". Anyhow, from a little digging, I find out that they're been in a long-term relationship with a person. Even dated to the making of the said breakup-inspired album. And I just. Disappointed at that unnecessary lie. Call me naive, but I don't understand why they lie. I always admire how raw their songs sound and always believe them for being honest with their songwritings. Their S/O is also a person that have unpleasant vibe about them. And it might be I am just jealous because their s/o doesn't look anything like me or the type of person that are like me, but knowing he have the secret s/o really sends me into this undescribible feeling.

It was as if I am on the cloud and something pushed me down to the ground. It was a feeling that makes me feel so messed up inside, and what upsets me most, is how this childish thing could send me into emotional turmoil.

I know how I always feel things intensely. I loved my previous loves to the extent that I would die for them, and hated them to guts when they cross me. And to makes things worse, I have this thing when it takes me a while to recognize what I am feeling.",4.022331695331694,5.754337506306308,4.531119983619983,85.0429699017199,72.13513513513513,7.5679770679770675,27.028050778050776,8.224198915089428,1.7431711711711717,2256,80,438,35,44,715,238,555,0.14400000000000002,0.72,0.136,-0.2345,2,0,1,0,0,0,83.0,1,1,27,4,31,34,5,4,30,1,34,6,3,8,2,89,68,46,1,6,18,1,5,7,0,2,0,5,0,8,38,34,0,0,21,4,0,9,6,11,1,3,12,13,83,23,58,51,6,57,0,1,3,3,59,24,3,9,26,306,121,2,0.0,0.0,0.14183387632944205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441893375280301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623080548437255,0.18140562381903969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059802483818474174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429989509701339,0.0,0.0,0.08187593769328212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420576553849285,0.0,0.14818695274090715,0.0,0.0,0.06260009527291782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058022309815129035,0.0,0.0,0.04686713009131463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542158316450402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174569901151238,0.0643654126781925,0.0,0.0,0.14399659654861646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372456592781147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992614077308528,0.0618143731613784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717480986129685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198151304015044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24852549905208826,0.21850791794431695,0.0,0.1929360730663608,0.12205157837502327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117780079592828,0.0,0.19403526387225134,0.07367753335799844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709301770846319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625655454003642,0.0,0.09848822990611146,0.05526997941011643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38072390384535865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739330801106826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729512605801761,0.0,0.0,0.04655524815121688,0.07471844456753357,0.0717543766882886,0.07802203532745029,0.0,0.0,0.06912727432303878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459628951478475,0.0,0.0,0.0727240205895774,0.0,0.0,0.0559461004194005,0.0718740093614942,0.0,0.05143728868705307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638304916289998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463995254706222,0.11682125910971175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24139870385566795,0.0931299744993023,0.0,0.23077233496437716,0.08475071651982731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565363403436086,0.0,0.0,0.08003743223082409,0.059961629690114315,0.0,0.28841642170694165,0.05829272436327184,0.0,0.0653404402292946,0.0,0.06557475977701384,0.0,0.08356868233520784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405850580048269,0.051623775599403635,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maskdqueen,2019/05/23,"DAE get family members or friends who you tell you have BPD and they’ll be like “you need to break the cycle”? I told my cousin that I have BPD because I don’t know, I thought she might understand. I’m moving in with her soon and I wanted to let her know. She said I needed to love myself and it’s my thinking habits that make me this way, and I need to break the cycle. She asked me why I felt unwanted/unloved, and why I have negative thoughts. 
I said yes, i know it’s my thinking habits, that’s why it’s called a mental disorder. If I could be ‘normal’ and love myself and everything else, I wouldn’t be like this. I’m so tired of people telling me this - that I need to change my way of thinking. That it’s my fault that I feel and think these things. Friends, family etc. If I could change, i would. I hate BPD.",0.09436046511628148,2.261292970930235,1.553534883720932,99.2420465116279,87.31395348837209,5.067906976744187,17.902325581395353,6.508806274219699,-0.2948125581395349,629,16,150,7,20,201,85,172,0.098,0.77,0.132,0.6964,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,1,0,2,8,1,0,3,1,14,3,0,1,0,36,42,12,0,12,3,1,2,2,2,4,1,2,0,0,16,9,0,0,12,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,4,37,6,9,26,1,7,0,0,0,2,22,1,0,4,3,93,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955673817705532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491724783400721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023732579172753,0.0,0.1087414329452744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531130616950684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005226120385195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205039864700055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896137840497617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876803444790117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570919423478497,0.0,0.20078456554553487,0.0,0.053846146377602704,0.0,0.10225014330065216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645527175325152,0.0,0.05563828584083348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513995776010038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557758314111074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889648118269987,0.0,0.10405436710534224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222848690590727,0.0,0.07108501772829898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732006762777503,0.11297242410827328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318538609227642,0.0,0.31585334394122466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434069569529593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382895515075391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202598782208884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615944844229024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074932999587627,0.2729460926309765,0.0,0.16908736272746833,0.0,0.122398232827389,0.0,0.10175878734227266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086314537306866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281243065009076,0.16905864256648634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882805651871773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564969233842714,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SleepyWeepy69,2019/10/07,"From a guy whose dad likely has BPD As long as you’re making an earnest attempt to get better and recognize you’ve messed up here and there in your relationships with people, I can’t ever hate you.

I’ve been trying to reconcile all the guilt for cutting off my dad for his emotional instability and alcoholism and seeing this sub filled with people trying to get better has put me at ease.

I’ve been so afraid this whole time that I was basically abandoning someone who has no clue what he’s done wrong because he can’t see himself as anything but right; however, I can see now that people with BPD aren’t collectively all lost souls.

Mb, I feel really fucking narcissistic saying this. I have really annoying intrusive thoughts (I’m on a shitton of zoloft) about him constantly and it’s just emotionally draining and exhausting. So as long as you’re making an effort, you’re fine. We’re all going to be better.",5.670580952380952,6.899327291428577,6.4826428571428565,74.55977380952379,67.51428571428572,9.947619047619053,30.011904761904763,10.125756701596842,3.088190476190477,736,27,132,18,12,243,116,175,0.128,0.7859999999999999,0.086,-0.7461,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,6,8,16,4,2,5,0,13,4,0,2,4,21,27,14,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,9,1,1,3,0,0,3,4,11,0,0,6,5,12,5,22,20,4,15,1,2,3,1,14,6,1,0,7,80,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322420303815206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028517817754964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169596832885416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555833915829915,0.0,0.0,0.3375812954901362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448255626005616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714667451475773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015038307806195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122671542256608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776339441166253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389723796147754,0.14003747199964706,0.0,0.07616536815453591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269862948090286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231476912313847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547429660953531,0.0,0.0,0.2372029592125084,0.0,0.0,0.14629619082214054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789157597018442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27873307247270923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472484123872533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171038758329596,0.0,0.0,0.14388489437966745,0.0,0.11445041480314665,0.0,0.1065762832291164,0.0,0.0,0.3203843542262572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355279332434877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063951129406654,0.0781468199584777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197849200373054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962601687404578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465273565245915,0.0,0.0
bpd,pabbbbbbbbbb,2019/10/07,"Can someone else relate? Hello everyone, so I don’t know if this is okay for me to do, but last year I was diagnosed with HPI (in French “haut potentiel intelectuel”) which very  misleadingly translates into “gifted” in English. Before this I was treated as borderline by my shrinks and psycs but my last psychiatrist gave me this new diagnosis which actually calmed down a bit because I know bpd is something very overwhelming to live with (although I was learning how to cope with it). I’m writing in here because I haven’t founded anybody with the same diagnosis and from my research and experience I know there are a lot of traits that ressemble bpd’s. I just wanted to throw myself in this room and meet people who go through the same stuff as I do even if I can’t really relate to what you guys go through everyday. Hope you had a good one ;)",6.337639751552796,6.976505155279508,6.666639751552798,75.94194720496895,65.77018633540374,9.918260869565216,34.73354037267081,9.888512548439397,3.3977895652173906,674,30,124,14,10,218,106,161,0.0,0.903,0.09699999999999999,0.9313,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,1,13,1,0,1,0,26,23,13,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,11,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,6,0,18,5,23,17,4,15,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,4,5,89,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.16455799706453286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558986882374866,0.0,0.14349122345344612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840996612113676,0.0,0.4247657239204037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115532023938604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086824940133896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137814709893888,0.0,0.0,0.16113264532451593,0.0,0.16495193845929276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489346442097854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167198049200454,0.14143836400177592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166969646031079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748707137106006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27802297148110305,0.2749109816881565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890287474196645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336270980954458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286335277847255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426766487109435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690641325129154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802832985840437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287916748933244,0.12981917249732106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930403513201664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782738775216623,0.09946200592847773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085918231788033
bpd,Happyhours1,2019/10/07,"Need to let out my feelings Today has been a really rough day and I’m feeling so powerless. 

My boyfriend told me he needed a break but it had nothing to do with me. We have been together for a year and half and I didn’t see it coming, because we have had some really good days prior to today and yesterday.
I have temporarily moved in at my grandma and grandpas place. I’m so glad they took me in with only a few hours notice. It’s over 100km away from our apartment. 
I understand my boyfriends reasonings, but I can’t help crying, feeling broken-hearted, missing him so damn much and feeling like it’s all my fault.
It’s so hard to be looking at an empty side of a bed and just wondering if he’s also missing my presence and touch, because all I’m craving is him and his love.

I love him with all of my heart and I just want him to hold me tight and tell me that’s he’s coming back to get me... sorry for the rant I just needed to get it out.",2.1446828358208947,3.4326962885572136,3.9859919154228862,88.86018190298509,76.16417910447761,6.816044776119404,25.000310945273643,7.413659706084162,1.0695296019900504,738,25,162,9,16,250,113,201,0.131,0.713,0.156,0.8201,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,1,0,9,9,1,0,7,0,14,3,1,1,3,43,39,19,0,5,6,1,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,20,0,2,7,0,0,4,2,4,0,1,7,10,29,5,23,30,6,25,0,2,2,2,18,11,1,3,10,110,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929115935403573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840151087691887,0.10508714939293884,0.0,0.16661974849914352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545004130493274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012037122661365,0.17627557382676395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764082479289669,0.0976336893260094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280391580104493,0.0,0.0,0.11462833637152432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242522951207092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238979831474482,0.09160384325597287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458775235885925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974948809827847,0.0,0.06676774299513409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476439869798308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24669146653083002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452535435012251,0.10046469128932947,0.3040066766886135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113400322180266,0.15559430475949798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394008889523644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278610938434175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751025306331693,0.1405146492426905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089045184158849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529855700512714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945146134162217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590853739909198,0.130589512958876,0.1518401328547332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227335581999245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060871144983646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820764513776566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800794694133099
bpd,idkhowigotheretbh,2019/10/07,"I'm freaking out. So, it's senior year and 2 of my close friends might have ditched me. Friend 1 straight up went out of their way to get lunch completely taken off of their schedule. While, friend 2 left my table to go sit at a different table today. I'm afraid they are slowly but surely abandoning me and I need to be prepared for that.",1.7242236024844717,3.9500547971014512,2.790517598343687,92.6126086956522,80.73913043478261,5.681987577639752,22.900621118012424,6.868970318607317,0.6522447204968946,267,9,56,3,7,85,54,69,0.073,0.7340000000000001,0.193,0.765,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,10,11,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,8,4,12,7,0,17,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,5,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734135791989359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27245033927857953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044134083151964,0.0,0.13624215786136906,0.0,0.1482022484911142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283328606913978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27663697050934033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335849629419932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457737136087539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471805498108368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069879932521925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24173745958844306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792806461891252
bpd,bromosexualities,2019/10/07,"Is dating anyone else's biggest trigger? Nothing causes me to split or dissociate more than dating. Especially in today's toxic dating culture. I want to find a partner and emotional intimacy so badly, but then when people ghost or are disrespectful  or inappropriate it just makes me die a little inside each time. Because it triggers that fear of abandonment and confirms the narrative in my head that I am unloveable and no one will ever choose me.",8.177125,9.323807462500003,8.7925,60.52250000000001,61.875,10.4,37.25,10.355215969177356,4.4067,367,17,51,8,5,123,65,80,0.245,0.728,0.027000000000000003,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,4,1,1,4,1,18,6,10,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,0,6,5,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,8,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718508720325898,0.2596410521302308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158070264918893,0.15447195785850798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603144162251941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629920362270717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168547272901225,0.28504397460010994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921728524840926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851485318314319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316055129131477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260064317180893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539761160346437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691482961658278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431467626372017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717122542423534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756775530279124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477611750779488,0.0,0.2401961672213596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946350105878087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oldtiredfaggot,2019/10/07,"A beacon of hope Hello, all! It's been some time since venturing here. I come today bearing wonderful news to shine a ready of hope on those of you feeling downtrodden by the state of your condition. Without DBT, but with a dramatic investment of time and energy, and the help of psychedelics, I no longer meet BPD criteria. 

It is possible to change your personality, to order what is disordered. Keep pushing, keep striving. You are worth the effort it takes to thrive. Much love, now and always.",4.189333333333334,6.981149044444442,4.698888888888892,79.185,75.22222222222223,8.888888888888891,27.777777777777786,9.444778638647367,2.9971111111111117,394,16,68,11,9,125,67,90,0.027999999999999997,0.735,0.237,0.9589,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,0,1,16,13,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,6,3,14,12,3,9,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,4,4,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763370018686467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669097346047273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241865472537617,0.18255299176605885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428822408319904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715469049949647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420475915057452,0.0,0.0,0.4209749257239943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767339896426393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126887813978102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578786786423365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504308281751064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389114611627263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530498410164175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933980234271247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24714813591833196,0.0,0.20087832596137145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428631269889985,0.2298215695571821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheGirlNobodyWants,2019/10/07,"Getting rid of obsession/separation anxiety? TLDR: How do you stop being completely consumed and obsessed with people?
  
  
I was diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder a couple years ago after a breakdown, but never really agreed with it until now. I feel like it's got really bad. Nobody here understands the disorder, so I'd like some insight and help from people who do.
  
I've got absolutely no friends and no contact with family and mostly live in isolation, occasionally going to groups to try and socialise, but it's never got me anywhere. This month, I met a couple of people off the internet I had been speaking to for over a year and I got the tiniest taste of what it's like to have people in my life and now I so desperately crave it, I'm already addicted and can't live without it, my body physically aches. Going back to living in isolation is complete fucking agony. I can't cope with the drop. My depression is worse than ever, I've been hysterically upset, in complete despair. I feel constantly distressed and on edge and my heart hurts. I physically can't eat and I can barely sleep and that's making the anxiety even worse because I feel like I'm going to die of starvation and sleep deprivation. I try to distract myself, but I can't focus on anything. I feel so cripplingly lonely and empty, more than ever before. The world seems so dark all of a sudden and I feel so scared, like something horrible is going to happen. I feel like I'm in a nightmare. My panic attacks have come back in waves and it's horrific, I seriously feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and die. I feel so uncomfortable in my skin and at home, I don't feel like I'm at home any more, I feel stressed as if I'm in an unfamiliar place. I've never experienced this before and it's awful. I can't bare living like this. I wish I had never met them and I could go back to how I felt before, it wasn't as bad as this. I can't remember how I coped in this isolation before. I don't know how to go back to feeling normal.
  
The isolation feels suffocating. I'm becoming paranoid that they're bored of me already or they hate me. My brain is twisting things they said and twisting my memories of them. I'm scared they'll never want to see me again. I can't bare living without them now.
   
I'm so scared of how dependent I've become. You can't rely on people because they can so easily drop you. I'm trying to keep my distance. We've texted a little bit, but I've run out of things to say. It's only been a week since I last saw them, but I miss them like crazy. I'm growing more and more obsessed with them and can't stop thinking about them. Today is worse than ever. I keep checking my phone to see if they've been online yet. They haven't. I'm worried if they are okay. I want to text them and tell them how much I miss them, but I can't. I need to keep away. They don't understand what they've done to me. I just want to go back to how I was living before without them, but I can't. I feel permanently damaged.
  
I felt lonely before, but not like this. It's now so dark and so bleak. I keep trying to talk to other people online but it's not the same as before. The conversations don't go beyond ""how are you"". I'm so unsatisfied after knowing how things can be with the right people. There's only 2 people I really want to hear from and nobody else could compare. Their existence has ruined everything else for me. I feel like life will never be the same.
  
I'm in a constant state of stress and the only thing I can think of in my life that's caused this is meeting these people, so is it like separation anxiety or something? I've never experienced this feeling ever in my life and I hate it. I'm scared and I want it to stop. Please help. I'm trying so hard to eat but I can't and I've been trying to do work but I can't focus on it at all and I've tried watching YouTube to take my mind off things but nothing is working.",2.076248966087676,4.082734031017374,4.134450620347398,84.56162464846982,78.41687344913151,6.9785674110835405,23.02954507857733,7.9765259561132025,1.2634927907361455,3103,99,628,54,75,1061,282,806,0.259,0.654,0.087,-0.9994,0,8,2,0,0,0,82.0,0,4,19,2,43,46,5,12,23,2,57,17,7,12,13,136,138,75,2,13,23,0,19,13,1,2,6,4,2,1,37,40,3,7,26,0,1,12,33,31,0,0,21,30,92,15,89,110,12,83,0,10,4,1,41,30,1,9,51,408,129,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045473811111596464,0.0,0.0,0.036976451273827586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206364548140113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028366572344931576,0.0,0.09573201148955256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034326610208314026,0.0,0.0,0.09491012903001206,0.03919115377440679,0.16037531815028874,0.06965796676108423,0.05085625660232584,0.09213844331073397,0.24846547961321624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554027717675669,0.04633423267750189,0.0,0.04656599898459613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04285119750006447,0.0,0.035932438457898126,0.13120725725374308,0.09015482801479964,0.0,0.06660958158378999,0.09231026479972886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592772820654058,0.0423382676138076,0.08658393836752601,0.0,0.0956144414482778,0.0,0.0,0.042687335825449584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536653399947622,0.06969245984408523,0.046922010040450886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02755133636283989,0.15092879300408976,0.0,0.0,0.037489353782002535,0.0,0.03932372261559845,0.0,0.31637355963871017,0.17880055643299034,0.08010289559130812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03222770337107443,0.038563406830095064,0.021793552838762702,0.0,0.21336040368216425,0.0,0.1334482070966986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03688706078142223,0.0,0.03736705248175619,0.08236678000702766,0.0,0.0,0.047014083045318907,0.09886126399960993,0.055919284482762725,0.0,0.08368397090612924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044655104555690786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830730262892824,0.0,0.0,0.04584923585933307,0.03400202429117749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785375648267865,0.26492806233571875,0.04180782941765673,0.22100241174413388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027844047790003948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042118687288620914,0.0,0.03329527304305269,0.0,0.030664180961177318,0.03092999018775958,0.22520385703465398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04087031853162907,0.04002517454989736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951748615588363,0.0,0.04894173888763735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602696488062841,0.03642257035108297,0.04358167074135979,0.045788835215983176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801681011087607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047253200518704234,0.035623053270155754,0.03967903754052955,0.033172204935526715,0.1670497377113794,0.0,0.06648042844380396,0.03797435278357754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034505791943784614,0.0,0.08348713793016903,0.0,0.0,0.0642260942739871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462292100197366,0.09556521836761336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03136331859688358,0.03352768622182828,0.036459388663304636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385627934317657,0.05345658121912672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03953946750093523,0.0,0.0,0.1982448324051549,0.0,0.0,0.08685033264580562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301835018964742,0.0,0.03346000867242535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796840199565292,0.12063081444730835,0.0,0.06073576809482339,0.04236202721567072,0.12752868939055692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372418063294837
bpd,realhotgirlshit,2019/10/07,mixing mood stabilizers and alcohol i have recently started taking medication for my bpd (only has been a little over a month) and every time i drink now i feel supper sick to my stomach like almost i’m about to throw up sick. i was wondering if this is common or if i should maybe talk to my doctor about switching,5.463870967741936,6.189088451612908,6.822741935483871,73.75411290322583,67.70967741935483,9.425806451612903,28.403225806451612,9.516144504307137,2.5772451612903224,252,8,45,5,4,86,48,62,0.11,0.8490000000000001,0.042,-0.6249,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,6,8,1,0,0,9,11,5,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,1,8,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,7,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724164039207807,0.25525098675454483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32104449037794386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609065289303029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24971029708594525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476883526657034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888785436755615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453392690103468,0.2554822265596458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560867857403472,0.0,0.0,0.25679042305461297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346309792772835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386708089727936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25168837945353234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042338921523804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165717472161625,0.2048833447384924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863741755478554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27643408654844137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alwayzambitious,2019/10/07,"What is the best therapy for dealing with narcissists? I have some narcs in my family and I was looking at schema therapy because I believe I can withdraw or cut people off easily without being assertive. 

I was reading The Interpersonal Problems Workbook ACT to End Painful Relationship Patterns which uses Schema.  but it seems to be all about feelings and not about protecting yourself w boundaries from actually intentional abuse. My point is this

# Just because avoiding attacking or being passive is not a healthy response that doesn't mean i want to just feel good being around them. I want to stop taking their crap and learn boundary setting.

What's the best therapy for recovering from narcissists. This is a BPD group but because its related on the DSM V I thought I'd ask.",7.876898481215028,9.229264827338133,7.581534772182255,68.21500399680258,62.59712230215827,10.494324540367707,42.063149480415674,10.504223727775694,4.9659442046362905,637,37,97,15,9,202,98,139,0.195,0.701,0.105,-0.8969,0,1,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,5,9,3,1,6,0,13,2,1,2,1,29,24,7,0,3,9,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,6,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,3,12,3,17,17,4,10,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,4,2,71,20,2,0.0,0.17582283897546694,0.144811314609299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210228254836295,0.13872852756130838,0.16881980385010587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713791463113621,0.0,0.0,0.1671894258138109,0.3114610756854178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868972762768928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529878847196581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143319870422615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989282717173562,0.0,0.15006511339354225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446599856981473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461373807181303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164476643339554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790187122938598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028778405861278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028046635217686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199319021497014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843433864590055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931981550046512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509248915320893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406418002861902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115739562832115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091050362143477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780840398110133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816492708518146,0.0,0.0,0.17505346551504755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304669509569015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hotxpoison,2019/10/07,"bpd i’m borderline and the posts i see about bpd make me really sad. i even cry sometimes. we didn’t choose this, bpd is a curse but also a gift. we’re hard to deal with but we also love deeply. please be nice to people and stop hurting them for something they didn’t choose.",0.9440229885057472,3.0358190344827563,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,82.79310344827587,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.5159747126436782,216,4,50,2,6,68,44,58,0.203,0.5579999999999999,0.239,0.762,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,8,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,7,2,5,5,0,2,0,2,1,1,6,0,0,0,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29872253620864103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7056972872031981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515995206953944,0.0,0.19255343072642103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336095222248288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673107654449104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994297724935234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685687593092529,0.0,0.12467156597659693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948398617893522,0.0,0.0,0.2050192498473715,0.0,0.0,0.17887566862824572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965073926484995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883287055446764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378598632798462,0.18472199581233986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561495116985647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,farofflands,2019/10/07,"How do I bring this up to my new therapist? I'm 99% sure I have BPD. It runs in my family, and finding this sub has helped me realize that I think it's affecting me a lot more than I thought it was. These behaviors have always been a part of my for my entire life so I've always assumed everyone has them as well. 

I have a new therapist, and I just have no clue how to bring up my suspicion. Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

​

Thanks!",2.158951612903227,3.8457493440860233,4.296438172043016,84.96465725806455,77.06451612903227,8.520967741935483,24.528225806451612,9.188382445141503,1.942570967741936,351,12,76,9,8,121,64,93,0.053,0.8220000000000001,0.125,0.7683,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,3,1,14,17,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,14,3,9,12,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827428804086201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31121268245397904,0.20262400701565814,0.22723621759582824,0.12717242840423945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23553109557032276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786949668873904,0.0,0.0,0.17629529708808492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092269772004196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534808780961293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208987876836373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589882337667138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612286184876604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251235684484356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625362463647426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217262039601894,0.0,0.4342633689078266,0.0,0.11982771772987018,0.0,0.14846413500403996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681434118335343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328457189843178,0.0,0.22723621759582824,0.0
bpd,throwRAproblem,2019/10/07,Question Has anyone here actually made a relationship work? It's such a struggle It feels like constant heartache and fear of abandonment...any testimonials here?,6.094615384615384,9.95115423076923,6.0065384615384625,63.57596153846157,83.61538461538461,8.753846153846155,37.269230769230774,8.841846274778883,4.915646153846155,134,8,18,4,4,42,23,26,0.214,0.6940000000000001,0.091,-0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.3045354127393273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221837755739364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182066783608024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33723692622463003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511656367503361,0.15779202532749373,0.2229429504275199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246169349411373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952882855937245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349589946134617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350465113992689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32624343883608475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22719075833440505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,monicaleighanne,2019/10/07,"Tips for therapy? (On mobile, sorry)

I’ve found therapy to be largely unhelpful and I believe it’s a result of my own refusal to completely open up and also my therapist’s refusal to believe me when I do open up.  Does anyone have any tips to make this situation better? Or should I just find a new therapist?
I began seeing my therapist so that I could be readmitted to college after being on medical leave for depression, anxiety, etc.  During our first session, I told her that I had been diagnosed with BPD by a professional three years ago and that the diagnosis had been proven time and time again to be accurate not only in my own eyes, but the eyes of my friends and family.  She immediately disagreed, saying that she didn’t like “labels” and that I didn’t seem borderline to her because I am high functioning and seem emotionally stable.  I’m not sure what part of temporarily dropping out of school because I’m so depressed seems high functioning to her, but I digress.  I also don’t know how she had any feel for emotional stability after speaking with me for less than an hour, but again, I digress.  
From this point on, I haven’t been able to open up to her about any BPD behaviors because I’m scared that she’ll just brush it off like she did with my diagnosis.  
I feel like I should probably just get a new therapist and start over because this woman has a very skewed view of who I am since I’ve been unable to open up to her.  I feel like I should just start over new.  Does anyone have any tips for opening up to a new therapist and avoiding this situation?",7.964019607843138,6.710192722222222,8.446392156862746,70.84076470588238,62.95424836601307,12.212287581699345,36.73986928104575,11.34169021259432,4.093494379084968,1247,50,236,31,15,417,147,306,0.076,0.8420000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.4128,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,2,13,11,0,2,9,0,27,4,2,3,1,48,45,19,0,4,10,0,3,4,1,4,2,2,0,1,14,18,0,3,9,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,13,10,37,7,45,23,5,40,0,2,4,0,19,21,0,4,22,165,51,4,0.08159344677846858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232766750224462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305004998196819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219453670714788,0.0,0.06241876345444367,0.0,0.0,0.114104070259275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989544313326473,0.0,0.0,0.1838557471515596,0.0,0.07216277305443418,0.0,0.0,0.20552817980693752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554917656693653,0.0,0.0,0.06514572793341637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055263230049245,0.08281563095158384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428059502487454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356329089616355,0.0,0.0,0.0909982614115846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691903999193829,0.0,0.1237682948998773,0.116580749363359,0.0,0.0,0.07457493216559805,0.06940334414773378,0.0,0.08946300292290864,0.0630388945797489,0.0,0.042629208296425615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241591262507475,0.0,0.0,0.08035310932855493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044841624496467836,0.0,0.0,0.08639567897473291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944974660707206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446425930812554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219681356334207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31521383735837466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205549301655223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835775163773775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713218053835241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797153588392387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488638379939199,0.0816892743171236,0.08257692420603524,0.06501941314327328,0.22283882853471204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674949423385632,0.18342890562081254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133718351461814,0.11550452317793178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769008579699278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866184346611522,0.4736814026208153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515558994728532,0.0,0.0,0.07796603500717117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732313874925941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525435045790995
bpd,gaymerb01,2019/10/07,Just got broken up with and I need some advice w coping So my ex bf broke up with me a day ago and I’m quite devastated. One of my coping skills is to get some attention when I get dumbed. Im still in good terms w my ex we havent talked but I know we will be friends. I talked to a nice person at a party recently and Im thinking of asking him out (not date per se) because I need some human connection but I dont know if it is a reallly bad idea. The thought of being completely alone is making me really anxious and uncomfortable. I dont have many friends at the moment. Help!!!! Thank you,-0.6719499768411303,1.4894940236220506,2.282584529874942,92.00353404353868,93.01574803149609,5.507920333487727,17.706808707735068,7.048011613610866,0.2428225104214912,459,13,104,8,17,161,83,127,0.172,0.6779999999999999,0.15,0.2953,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,1,0,2,4,8,1,0,6,0,10,0,0,1,0,26,23,9,0,3,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,16,5,13,18,4,14,0,1,0,0,15,6,1,4,8,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585531500236266,0.14382876131582478,0.0,0.0,0.16804665492756155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833013207292151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516859882498754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547567072934727,0.09890879384428143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012068164412195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464068364323233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380321964441154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071473850149434,0.0,0.16954248455361556,0.0,0.0,0.1360913168218151,0.12976968898663188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875572349090977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316550051039976,0.35052525234562354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834158156741772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830609119295144,0.16450052402839066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24061920616837926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994780017581253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167430883889895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257755738919642,0.0,0.0,0.1039443418923246,0.0,0.16020667398296673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957659648331224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608279276645704,0.0,0.1493820785278769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396608646930734,0.0,0.1288118925223701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IAmAMilkStain,2019/10/07,"I'm about to lose my SO because of my issues, how do yall shop for therapists? This is my ""my life sucks and I need help"" account that I created specifically for this sub. 

I'm a total shithead. My SO and I have just recently moved into a rather unusual living situation, and it's been an adjustment. He recently told me that he doesn't feel like he belongs here, and it triggered a panic in me. I for sure thought that it meant that he was leaving me. I got really nasty. I said terrible things, and this isn't even the first time I've done these things. Now he's thinking of leaving me because I've just about pushed him over the edge. I haven't held or kissed him since Thursday night. 

Now, regardless of whether he stays, I need a therapist. How have you shopped for them in the past, and what do you look for when shopping for them? What are some red flags? I have seen posts in the past where individuals have sought out help, and were dismissed, or judged for having BPD, and it scares me a little. I don't think I can handle that right now. I'm also not diagnosed yet, but all signs are pointing to BPD. There's no way it's anything else.  

 I've so far sent one email to someone in my area, and am thinking of emailing a second one just so I can compare the two, I'm not sure if that's a good move or not. One session each doesn't seem like enough time to feel things out, but my life is spiraling and I need help. What type of therapy has worked for you? Are you seeing results that make you feel like therapy is worth it? How have you dealt with the exit of someone important to you in your life?

Thanks guys, I appreciate all of you

\-M",2.7495551172474246,4.2069824674556235,3.7454766600920486,90.50621849660313,74.91715976331359,7.2559281174665795,24.944554021477103,7.921354282810032,1.1505519175980714,1286,42,286,19,27,414,169,338,0.078,0.831,0.091,0.8023,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,10,2,3,24,13,1,2,14,0,27,5,0,6,5,57,54,26,0,6,14,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,23,15,0,1,10,3,5,4,9,5,0,6,12,8,40,8,32,42,6,37,0,1,4,1,29,16,1,6,17,190,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817418403054563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044356839870115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918038896541627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462365703409728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921869086417796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003672364949018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166128444257999,0.0,0.0,0.10100645976340286,0.0,0.0645658804562919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828273418138446,0.13967157164520902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831498700041294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199177971563837,0.07818314938556943,0.0,0.0,0.0967922567062954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656820577958067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203022971083976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701565793071688,0.0,0.0,0.20714053899710436,0.14327363326701814,0.09797562197230668,0.08631895448617682,0.0,0.08208910287893062,0.10936220490159257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525184250058517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779498191560414,0.0,0.21745101827481603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917359124565225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987227992812513,0.0,0.0,0.11469376369722227,0.0,0.0,0.18663533316293834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240953535678388,0.0,0.09362172412840462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626239923468529,0.0,0.19304141702714267,0.0,0.0,0.0834817508899926,0.09298685046428276,0.0,0.0978692399280055,0.0,0.0778976260725974,0.08899196358171846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086347639735447,0.10988007742756813,0.0,0.0,0.1656540261819212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041932179747138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426479075113292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999914735308474,0.22358142497310207,0.2270008601744333,0.1948311030416331,0.18791127881103786,0.0,0.07760609980926918,0.11400279095256495,0.0,0.0,0.09340854904317128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549187588457844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759291810459441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116639081653651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sid674,2019/10/07,"I don’t know what to do So I’ve been going through a particularly rough patch after being diagnosed with BPD around February. The past couple months I’ve been in and out of the hospital because of my BPD. And I feel like I can’t function in my day to day life because of my BPD. But the wait for DBT in my area is at least one year. Like it’s to the point where I don’t have an education (I’m assuming) because of my BPD (I kept quitting and had no idea why I just couldn’t deal with school), and I’m having a lot of trouble going to work because I’m being bullied and don’t know how to deal with it, as well because I just always feel like I need to quit and start over (and for some reason I just feel like I can’t get myself to go to work some days). I just feel like I need to move away and start over. I have absolutely no support from anyone I know besides my therapist (who I can’t afford). Not to mention the issues I’m having in my relationship. But I can’t do anything about it I just have to sit around for over a year and wait. I just want help but it seems like wherever I turn to get it (even the hospital) it just blows up in my face. Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place as I said in the title, I am just unsure of what to do and it’s really making me upset so I’m just a little all over the place.",3.2306316590563178,3.0353469794520582,5.042146118721462,87.80643074581434,72.35616438356162,8.132724505327245,24.78386605783865,7.793537801064563,0.976944596651446,1026,25,247,12,18,354,129,292,0.057,0.873,0.069,0.0499,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,18,10,0,1,15,0,24,3,1,3,2,55,54,19,0,5,14,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,16,0,3,11,0,0,4,11,2,1,1,5,6,31,8,48,46,7,39,0,0,0,0,7,23,0,6,16,168,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603693776176425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389624544277314,0.0,0.07519939532812284,0.1626982659417094,0.0,0.0,0.08585616372143437,0.0,0.0,0.27852733797033097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976520506932447,0.0,0.4603684686272797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111217002483416,0.0,0.17680100985417166,0.1884211466585818,0.0,0.09275055429235037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035678508288812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848214372718109,0.26113256637724913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548638712537436,0.0,0.15580306596442287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061251261845635875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315887451925397,0.0,0.0953788069347817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066306250259698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454563362696046,0.2678670477357131,0.09158852193997363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768949735883669,0.0,0.0,0.06099802877676842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729400422857916,0.0971243401015261,0.0,0.13551682181894836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192263985520939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872342219526796,0.0,0.0,0.1909489615928241,0.0,0.08638529244427623,0.0,0.08751845777326345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943914824346592,0.0,0.0,0.0585414900315681,0.09395566024300546,0.0,0.098109802541031,0.0,0.0,0.0869249719719488,0.0,0.0,0.09248321124722038,0.0,0.08319051458830623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229438936999294,0.12936094822835995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369892878075443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610125684303164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939710479858356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389932470689547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216316918593287,0.0,0.08245781728709757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305400701679534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769370391015352
bpd,Birdy_Aplin_Love,2019/10/07,"Why I always can't understand that some people need some time to be alone? I have a person who I really love. He was the one who tried to help me when I was suicidal. He was the one who embraced my hurts. He was the one who accepted me as I am. I love him and he loves me and talking with him is the only thing makes me happy in my fucked up life. I always wait him to talk with him. He says he always look foward to talk with him too but sometimes he says he need some time for himself. But for me it's hard to understand it. I mean why would I want that? When I feel bad, I really need someone whom I can talk with. And tell him what happened and crave for comfort and understanding. I don't find myself talkative but I can talk for so many hours straight w/o getting exhausted. I always need someone to talk with. For me, it's impossible to want to be alone especially when something bad happened to me. So, when he says so, honestly I really can't understand it. And feel like he doesn't like to talk with me as much as I do even if I know it isn't. I can't help feeling that I am the one who need and love someone else much more. I've always felt so. I know people are different and I know I should respect them. And I know how it is wrong to feel so. I always try my best to respect him cause I love him so so much. As I love him so deeply I easily get hurt and feel I am not good enough for him when he doesn't want to talk with me that much. I know I shouldn't feel so thus I just swallow all the negative thoughts and respect him with all my heart. But still I wonder why I am such constantly needy and why I can't understand some people need their time for themselves and why I get hurt sooo easily even if I know I shouldn't feel so.",2.082580674903191,3.2076638743315518,3.6059653328416026,92.1797593582888,76.03208556149733,7.297658122810254,22.25484049419141,7.873277556716777,0.7144852664576797,1355,35,322,20,29,449,134,374,0.122,0.6729999999999999,0.205,0.9879,1,2,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,23,25,1,0,7,0,29,11,1,4,2,77,75,39,1,15,8,0,9,2,0,4,2,3,0,1,18,21,1,1,24,0,0,0,12,8,0,4,6,13,66,17,34,63,13,14,0,3,1,7,52,3,1,7,13,215,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258019337162662,0.0,0.0,0.29544278245221345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882156786942697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210318968662335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060791646942020626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394991032381353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182794636831676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943525106102584,0.0,0.0,0.06114623020288449,0.0,0.07817242974122708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094536380618455,0.042276454855568635,0.05681973004153524,0.0,0.05408721028597032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470869309762274,0.09275348511212604,0.0,0.0,0.049635322819750284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466102730266533,0.06299560433107447,0.05301146278890947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012568385395927,0.07933093117225977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827796814798832,0.0,0.19005237953766552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513460917290454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179885494959095,0.0578223253065176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049694239294604266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204603058649243,0.0,0.03950147537146712,0.05999674927723547,0.0,0.06446170244273054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400923862212414,0.2632764291002529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040096260345865,0.04500719481356978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307878988237154,0.051671555678242435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373196510106075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118109329797798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042284289560515,0.04555777055662543,0.058528111931465863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472592693386501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473063680279373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805173964768976,0.05172378866047304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931493591324426,0.0,0.0,0.04698036596076155,0.10352071910576796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035534635966439,0.0,0.0,0.30802959234645194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471335993036347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26699268026114903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417553062032777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203803493708367,0.06470136308448039,0.0,0.0
bpd,throaway784657,2019/10/07,"I describe the attributes of BPD to other people and they then believe they also have BPD. I don’t want to discredit anyone’s mental health (lord knows I’ve been in the same place). I just wonder why this keeps happening in conversations I have with people where they ask me about being in therapy or why I was MIA from friend events over the last year. I explain that it has to do with Borderline Personality Disorder, that I’ve been trying to own up to my actions and help myself. They ask me what BPD is, I explain it in the best way possible and then they say they are convinced they have it too. 

Am I being selfish/self absorbed? Is this a stupid issue? Am I just not feeling validated?",5.1040849673202615,5.933555029411771,5.920980392156864,79.52663398692813,68.55882352941177,8.691503267973857,29.08169934640523,8.841846274778883,2.219445424836602,548,19,105,9,9,180,86,136,0.092,0.8029999999999999,0.106,0.4536,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,7,1,6,4,1,0,5,0,16,1,0,1,0,18,26,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,20,3,16,21,3,15,1,0,0,0,16,8,0,2,5,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052852173080993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538499799481006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281800546629276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980671680576134,0.1581684440193904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5694692599733215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273501364557814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620716468282981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644376513101423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327875686793553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020537740738916,0.0,0.0,0.1010225884486926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573096401504793,0.0,0.13396440723446926,0.0,0.0,0.08283025306470458,0.1228546659050658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188752803458105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089767131738518,0.1316004798292877,0.15746743642858926,0.0,0.0,0.16991104150992753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985639795410485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723095068784124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723582981559897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232711207331828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889693262564366,0.11963232916217352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719977316113191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634464167389192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705696058215052
bpd,megsiobel90,2019/10/07,"What does emptiness feel like for you? This is how it feels to me

 ""This numbness is suffocating me ..it's trying to suck me under..it's pulling at me so hard..I can feel it deep inside my brain tissue..brain cells are clogged with its thickness..its sucking the life out of them..I feel as though nothing would make me happy right now..as though only a lightening bolt to the brain would change anything..it's extremely hard to accept this..to respond in a balanced/hopeful way..to know I can feel like this..and will feel like this again..is incredibly demoralising..numbness ... suffocating..thick  

"" things feel vaguely sinister..like him not contacting me..me being alone in this empty house..battling emptiness which is clawing at the deepest core of my brain..and of my experience..I'll tell you what..it doesn't feel good..it feels like silent suffering..like a thrumming of aches..of malaise..of needing it badly to stop..and it continuing in a silent but simultaneously deafening cacophony inside your head..life is sickening me..from the inside out..I feel unhappy and sad and alone ..so alone..but even company wouldn't rescue me from this pain..I am in torment""",3.225492248062018,6.0840706558139575,3.8749127906976746,83.23717538759692,79.65116279069767,6.746124031007753,26.63275193798449,7.937092434478242,1.9052519379844963,921,38,167,17,24,291,116,215,0.17300000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.971,0,3,0,0,0,0,70.0,0,3,0,0,6,12,2,1,8,0,14,4,2,2,0,24,29,9,0,4,2,0,11,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,12,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,11,14,6,20,24,0,11,0,1,0,0,8,9,2,0,5,80,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476600650056036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060080815338514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845294614979892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478854671692496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495729836179842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166942867398123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5486560789223582,0.31007651939589337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910125280822386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551026330704445,0.19440619992649186,0.0,0.1113619390304899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059633922941193886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664339111322017,0.2120488276000798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243086036915987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045833771745516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411768615465572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252628066403721,0.11546164136900078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266642611711408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071870871241264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484198954595938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208881710812161,0.0,0.2132198493528169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367075302073915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612970303205053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416391464310425,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,midgetapalooza,2019/10/07,"Dissociative spells Hey guys! So, I just wanted to hear some of your experiences with dissociative episodes. How do you get though it? Is there a way you can hide it when you need to? How can you pull yourself out? 

Any advice or insight would be so so much appreciated. Thanks and have a great day!",1.9772180451127848,4.704006070175441,2.905012531328321,88.73842105263161,84.78947368421052,6.064160401002509,20.423558897243108,7.447530270364453,0.6261348370927315,234,7,49,4,7,74,46,57,0.027000000000000003,0.782,0.191,0.9105,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,9,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,12,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,5,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957785489791292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583497567429074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520564282429775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960822790450968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813949475022174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337093293554383,0.0,0.29970398523346303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411459982655034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225070010386272,0.22443577956788568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786700511713437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973847364141157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785304111534773,0.2402558590239809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501748200209064,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,callerepisode75,2019/10/07,"Is there any definite answer what is the cause of borderline personality disorder?  I just recently broke up with my BPD ex gf as it was taking a heavy toll on my life.
Weve dated for a yr, as early as 2 months into our relationship, there were clear manifestation of her having BPD, so i was really confused why she was overreacting over simple things and most things that never really happened.  She was diagnosed with BPD, anxiety and depression 6 months into our relationship after she made her 1st attempt to kill herself, she cuts her wrist but not too deep - just to get my attention, and the argument during that time was so unfounded but her rage as so over the top. Funny thing was, during her visit to her dr, the de did not disclose to her that she has BPD aside from anxiety/depression,  it was only disclosed to her parents and siblings.  I only found it out when she told me about it this June, because she saw the message of her sister to their aunt about her medical.condition. between april and JuneI think we had like 10 or.more arguments led to chaotic events and maybe 5 suicide threat/attempt. One was so chaotic that police had to intervene. We were in a long distance relationship.
Until i could no longer take it, and with the help of my friends and family they shook me up to break up with her, that i am no responsible if she decides to push through with her threat to kill herself if i leave her. I took the chance to.save myself. And prayes she wouldnt kill herself, she cut her wrist and sent it to me and some of her friends and mine as well, implying that it was my fault.Her family and friends are all accusing me that i was the reason that she had BPD, anxiety and depression, which sometimes would really creep in my head and i would tell myself that it is much better for me to.just kill myself.

I asked my aunt who is a nurse, who knows a thing or two about mental health, she told me that it was not my fault, that BPD is responsibility of parents.  It kind of made me feel less guilty and a little better, but i want to ask those experts because at the back of my mind shes just saying that to make me feel better, i dont have enough money to go to professional and ask them personally,so i thought id reach out here and maybe someone can give an answer. Thank you",7.875679788961038,6.620019234375004,7.8656574675324675,74.93956980519485,63.12946428571429,11.181168831168833,33.97970779220779,10.230975488527342,3.151250892857142,1819,61,358,34,22,589,223,448,0.171,0.7190000000000001,0.11,-0.9874,3,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,5,1,3,5,18,24,8,2,16,0,35,7,3,6,3,69,60,35,5,7,12,6,2,1,4,3,4,1,0,1,32,29,0,0,11,0,1,7,8,14,1,2,27,4,74,10,57,29,6,39,1,3,1,0,68,16,0,6,16,264,106,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872757670942313,0.0,0.109631126775598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009621002468321,0.0,0.0,0.0550979548917029,0.0,0.08735994305588762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011797935528074,0.0,0.0,0.5414786681768566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360899963114909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721035761281601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851479739136316,0.07272789809814689,0.0,0.0,0.08212236525348234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397864301325593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740383434708222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509913619112468,0.0,0.07246142494140287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856555683232504,0.16608046990173128,0.0,0.03743656458766406,0.06873760966397999,0.0407229534144644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336391517296099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353827922800482,0.07616547590065502,0.0,0.0,0.0480285596553003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171007386820137,0.07461722648178336,0.039379487416343936,0.0,0.0,0.07587186216413674,0.0,0.0,0.05061175430074023,0.03500681208899459,0.07181672111214181,0.0,0.06341205518881758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560260664768198,0.047829993630890126,0.0,0.14397332855344933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221097096329035,0.0,0.07235070705055363,0.0,0.11438801639750608,0.0,0.05267436656950822,0.0,0.05526443532336443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855500299397506,0.10899308550040726,0.0,0.0,0.15912787956512542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256602204720964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771129091400094,0.0736728501088967,0.0707502607824709,0.23079063330908536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698260406514692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071269954669512,0.0,0.0708682193407923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837848882569713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775066470551456,0.0,0.06262926786736997,0.06596991716586366,0.0,0.0,0.19041649625954066,0.045913366449505534,0.0,0.056885738660364726,0.041782366261274385,0.0,0.0,0.13693805828595582,0.0796108833392945,0.0,0.0,0.06999612026771777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042263732273622935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644260796236359,0.0,0.06465712015207062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018027263228862,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aeipatheticvenus,2019/10/07,"Is this a Borderline thing? So, I recently had an exchange with a fellow borderline about needs in a relationship. I explained that I see a relationship as transactional, in a way. I think about what I provide for the person, and I think about what they provide for me (and whether or not I want what is being provided to me). It's very easy for me to cut someone off if the relationship isn't satisfying the needs I meant for it to, regardless of whether or not I care about the person. When I talked about this, my friend seemed very hurt and confused by this, saying that they personally don't understand this thought process and value relationships as long as the person makes them happy. I was kind of taken aback by this. I wasn't surprised that they felt differently, but I was surprised that they didn't understand my line of thinking at all -- I had previously assumed that this was a Borderline thing, as I have BPD. 

So, I guess my question is: IS this a borderline thing? Is it something else? Do you guys have this kind of thinking wrt relationships?",6.732433333333333,7.178131910000005,6.84,75.70833333333336,64.9,10.466666666666667,34.66666666666667,10.317481424215053,3.484866666666667,842,36,159,19,12,270,97,200,0.08,0.8759999999999999,0.045,-0.525,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,5,0,8,10,1,1,13,0,18,0,0,1,1,34,37,17,0,5,8,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,22,5,0,0,13,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,11,3,28,7,27,25,1,9,0,1,1,0,23,4,0,8,3,124,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686714981151238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079718903507668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353792413544606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078056306686104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434107192274812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395884045198357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197132090637891,0.10760124120369567,0.0,0.1156821561369746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163344081825864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632796560102694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617029553469753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253864599103171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115613833570844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795488294958541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173623889376042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729936868229772,0.5833591984438308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641943329173497,0.0,0.0,0.08659660945468675,0.09892987377702278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920764709601244,0.08366014077881165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734552461933008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658828118842013,0.2785276084993042,0.0,0.08627252787166532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262604051505453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932968852507875,0.06409689153034122,0.08625787413971972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway042495,2019/10/07,"Ways to deal with BPD while waiting for therapy? I am currently trying to find a therapist with whom I can try to deal with my BPD since it's straining my relationships a lot. My boyfriend is really, really supportive and understanding but I can see it's dragging him down as well and I just feel awful once I realize what I said to him or how I treated him. 

Here in Germany you can't get a spot easily unless you pay tons of money. The closest I could probably go would be December or January. 

I want to try to somehow deal with it as best as I can until then. Does anyone have any idea how to best try to ""manage"" yourself until you get help? Just recently I had a ridiculous overreaction because of a video game which resulted in me being totally angry and then when confronted about why I'm even angry I felt so at loss that I started crying, my head went blank and I genuiely can't say why I got so angry. Thinking about it now, I am embarassed for reacting that way but it was just my natural, bad response. 

​

I have read up on CBT etc. but I think that's something I need to do with my therapist, not alone.",4.568200589970502,5.286535761061948,5.949716814159293,79.24144837758114,69.70796460176993,9.743480825958702,30.995870206489677,9.888512548439397,2.9616245427728614,886,36,176,21,15,300,138,226,0.18100000000000002,0.711,0.10800000000000001,-0.9590000000000001,1,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,3,15,10,2,1,6,1,17,1,1,4,1,39,35,23,0,4,10,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,11,9,0,1,8,3,2,2,3,5,1,0,6,5,32,5,32,25,6,21,0,1,1,0,15,7,0,4,10,130,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776462309215313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319987940000415,0.13816464798742106,0.07732365020891734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950554077842435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493935662376307,0.06931382735700548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23865384855751234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864162346465909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078460245951413,0.0,0.12490017045037803,0.0,0.3516761835231359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950446355773504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268117073647751,0.0751014211306042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057492925507264425,0.0,0.10917512704932836,0.0,0.10392478194454652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881287848407544,0.0,0.06462146525511794,0.0,0.09094068857773002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669466376094804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621441076314353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835968761407945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966683638062945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431119957540067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109266390760567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259377807763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373628662257836,0.0,0.14568533066948722,0.0,0.11227047980564818,0.12207717139929908,0.0,0.0,0.10815998429780706,0.09042319036305743,0.0,0.0,0.09060857498431853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405837807963456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753606159282877,0.0,0.0,0.08048134967270416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903167242027186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300321674173749,0.2640417365408697,0.0,0.14571580722867578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087943269528462,0.0,0.0,0.11837145250353633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706645951915305,0.1805082925577222,0.0,0.0,0.10223491463277523,0.10540615277231548,0.2052030853891333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077313640535219,0.0,0.13816464798742106,0.0
bpd,schmidt_talking,2019/10/07,"DAE notice their symptoms start raging when they make a new friend? I am a 30f. I live with fairly severe BPD, but have for many years, so with a regimen of medications (and a medicinal toke) I actually live a pretty good life compared to what it easily could be. I have an amazing support network,  a family (kind of), and even manage to hold down a full-time job where I have been recognized by the company I work for statewide. It is the kind of the best of a bad situation, you could say. All this is to say, my symptoms are rough, but I’m usually equipped at handling them for the most part. 

I have made a new friend at work recently. Another female around my age. She has a masters in psychology, shares my exact sense of humor, we talk about anything, and I flat-out, undeniably respect the hell out of her (that’s very uncommon for me.) 

All this to say, she’s fantastic. And with her educational background, she understands me really well. We hang out all the time outside work, but the more we do, the closer we become. The closer I become to her, the more I like her. The more I like her, the more scared I get for the inevitable moment that my new friend gets sick of my shit and leaves. 

I have really been putting this woman through her paces. I’ll suddenly get jealous that she’s talking to a coworker who doesn’t care for me, if she texts something a certain way, I’ll think she’s irritated with me and fall all over myself “correcting” my previous step.  She is the chillest, most real kind of person you know, honest, genuine, but I will distrust her. VERY unnecessary things like that. Friendship-ruiners, I call them. 

I’m used to being a little off the walls sometimes. But this is different. Its more. And it’s accompanied this budding friendship. I just thought I was doing better than this.",4.17927203065134,5.828542137931034,5.102183908045976,81.43898467432953,71.58620689655173,8.488888888888889,28.406130268199234,9.049649993220411,2.33984980842912,1416,54,273,29,27,462,189,348,0.102,0.6859999999999999,0.212,0.9927,2,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,4,2,4,6,8,28,5,1,29,0,23,6,1,3,7,45,38,15,0,3,7,0,1,3,4,1,5,3,0,2,17,18,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,7,1,0,5,4,52,21,38,28,13,31,1,0,0,0,38,14,2,3,15,191,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.09623916360263453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341195864650783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115608447000244,0.08779295469248484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234381140701677,0.0,0.21783669412394693,0.0,0.0,0.10349589567504916,0.08722162016785462,0.0,0.0,0.12420878573630223,0.0,0.10070232859362824,0.0,0.10054994446801027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748053177171226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303719856302546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513776244012953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297041959282933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228581342682968,0.0,0.15457507202290313,0.0,0.0,0.08271800882164272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978654069505458,0.0,0.0,0.3080935252635751,0.05419912475633661,0.0,0.0,0.104424633044434,0.0,0.0,0.06965841775645823,0.14454265661255794,0.09884342541067499,0.17416702170451134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331689005088248,0.06582980028377619,0.0999854811865857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934955307526463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857442324138347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227983831134764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679614884559713,0.0,0.0,0.0861114213751046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033227570953264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914061686671333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225146524857038,0.126357348733228,0.0,0.09737562528812876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23528040632032415,0.09873610110439104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114128411656863,0.10123229649435476,0.0,0.11085332268062477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592270690939926,0.09753797505543134,0.0,0.06980393921873879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191312093479504,0.0,0.20500845637996687,0.0,0.1585344849718603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551892948301807,0.0631918909931607,0.0,0.07829348345529362,0.05750627624141906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266718574419062,0.0,0.08517625448777225,0.10861630146673372,0.16274411273153985,0.0,0.07828018499577302,0.0,0.0,0.08867147228620037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153902073030849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350822459703884
bpd,tryingtime,2019/10/07,"how to distract myself from freaking out when my fp is busy? my favorite person is busy and i feel myself getting more and more paranoid the longer they take to get back to me and i don’t know what to do. they are probably just playing pc games, but i’m super convinced that they are avoiding me and that they are getting annoyed with me and how fucked up and damaged i am",4.514210526315793,5.153136736842106,4.777473684210528,87.8833157894737,69.78947368421052,6.606315789473682,30.989473684210523,5.6839178017228535,1.387361052631579,296,12,60,1,5,93,49,76,0.231,0.638,0.131,-0.8566,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,4,1,5,9,2,2,1,0,8,1,0,2,0,15,16,10,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,14,3,8,16,2,4,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,0,2,48,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916649628948334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178986641502027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350664764127166,0.5945193923893898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845813167985866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33119771023705835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40895891300313897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851929230857903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lowinspirits,2019/10/07,"living hell when bpd shut-in, suicidal attempts, close to be warded, poison at home to kms  


  
[https://pastebin.com/u/miyako-dull](https://pastebin.com/u/miyako-dull) 

maybe reading about my story can help someone

the battle is still going on

feeling very weak, defeated

but cannotgiveupcannotgiveannotup 

not yet

i will die while trying

not while giving up

 


In this era of depression and sadness,

we strive to find happiness

from places that can't offer that.

We lay awake and think of imaginary

places and people that may

give us a glimpse of what happiness consist of.

And we get disappointed.

Because we know,

as long as we're looking for cities and faces to complete us,

the search is infinite

and our lives ain't.",10.388910411622275,11.64395638983051,8.284285714285716,65.69279661016952,57.13559322033899,10.13268765133172,33.80629539951574,9.957137785484203,3.3152939467312343,586,20,89,10,7,173,91,118,0.205,0.675,0.11900000000000001,-0.8852,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,7,0,0,2,4,10,3,0,3,0,8,3,1,0,0,19,16,12,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,11,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,0,2,9,2,17,13,0,16,1,4,1,0,11,7,1,1,8,57,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903149308559248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046072799797468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703317213076115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992286515654992,0.0,0.168603378750745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214248833090436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848157600004294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487640347338184,0.3116846407193173,0.09232732390655198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458742487437673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889063813542138,0.0,0.16295632317118386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928140974842393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28690273688681894,0.14376819135418084,0.13642188106159472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320859643909466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126263343791709,0.0,0.339463280471505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249967303394694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764819607356604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973734002756376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770017934273594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409505942950692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029676336077496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908284334810269,0.0,0.0,0.13404297466288465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnexpectedStripper,2019/10/07,"Life without a FP For the first time in almost ten years I'm without a FP, I'm not sure if I know how to live like this. Making decisions based on my own wants rather than what someone else would prefer feels wrong. 

It feels like I've lost all purpose, who am I supposed to be if it's not to help someone else? 

I don't know who I am anymore.",1.524799999999999,2.686085146666666,2.9730000000000025,96.0115,77.53333333333333,5.533333333333334,23.166666666666664,5.46131890053228,0.0660666666666665,266,8,64,1,6,87,53,75,0.132,0.799,0.069,-0.5603,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,2,20,14,3,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,2,5,3,9,11,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,3,5,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951991531454936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075061712587754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495801350173274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115923050917139,0.14947844381552278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797627713751904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024667132778487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299815804751973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477897759516756,0.20444455984167495,0.0,0.1847594730465574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284061218520244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966684498774498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35457045057599346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720272240823666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200736042050768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341298202162855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033926242626776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148635453585819,0.22876703119153144,0.0,0.13474130746265586
bpd,anotherredditr,2019/10/07,"It needs to stop Hello!

I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die. I know there is a solution, but my ego is blocking me. I don't even know where to start. I messed up my life. I'm 25 year old, didn't finish any education, having no job for months. I'm living on the countryside of a rich European country, and here the infrastructure really isn't good. I've no diagnosis of a mental illness, but I'm counting symptoms together. I'm extremely depressed, always open for other's problems, having not many relationships, because I'm suffering from social anxiety. I missed out so much in life, and I feel like I can never be fixed again. I'm not officially diagnosed and also in a situation without any health insurance at the moment. I can't go into further details, as it would be risky for my private life, but I think can't do it any longer.",4.368057199211049,5.513351994082843,6.240961538461541,75.40195512820516,70.47928994082841,9.657001972386588,31.243096646942806,9.928628108626363,3.1944670611439845,673,29,127,17,12,234,109,169,0.24600000000000002,0.67,0.084,-0.9787,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,7,0,16,7,0,0,1,25,32,10,2,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,12,5,0,0,2,1,14,3,18,27,1,20,0,3,0,0,3,10,0,0,10,79,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090163903663826,0.1362019497293475,0.0,0.0,0.3339413914090981,0.0,0.12522125898547087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978299390052604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098467028456207,0.16614038788195806,0.16988282605163768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811471437002562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276582687703725,0.11693910132811333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930279501113537,0.13729415260815922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399322736196587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243558456417162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991784404699504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468540977039014,0.0799699357614815,0.0,0.14453994963035954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595445306511805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649595140091029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065460373736332,0.0,0.12032988608421676,0.12137295304221812,0.12624666683355035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717635515813349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662779353960327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486304836923947,0.0,0.0,0.17574019663334298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839927389216012,0.0,0.1668598179949085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585956698271822,0.0,0.0,0.1368509204262813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904865774520212,0.0,0.0,0.1701350328492793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488498513449672,0.0,0.12995038950844512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965477218082542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778987845860928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627961814529665,0.0,0.0,0.10541003106711316
bpd,jeux_x,2019/10/07,"bpd ""attacks"" I get bpd attacks, maybe you guys can relate. it's definitely anxiety related, but much more dissociated, cranky, hopeless etc and less doom than a normal panic attack. do you guys know what I'm talking about? what would you call them?",3.689333333333334,6.652401488888887,4.7022222222222245,77.38000000000002,78.55555555555556,7.155555555555559,26.777777777777786,8.238735603445708,2.2575777777777786,197,8,33,4,5,64,38,45,0.355,0.611,0.033,-0.9579,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,1,0,1,6,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387505083857193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6190168577923896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568680611018087,0.0,0.18520299244645788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022798007251309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947603572365978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591772789057196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996783315047152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822144232054148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333065809630573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777078759522989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280314848545395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578144037378446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884278806387978,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,arrowstotheaction,2019/10/07,"does anyone else feel suicidal even after having an amazing couple of days? I usually have something that triggers suicidal feelings in myself, but this time I'm not sure why it's happening. I've had an amazing weekend and day but I just got hit with this horrible feeling like a sinking pit in my stomach and all I can think about is self destruction. I'm not sure if this is normal. I really wish this didnt happen.",4.64540650406504,6.0556155731707335,5.857073170731707,77.41211382113823,70.09756097560975,8.881300813008131,31.959349593495933,9.2995712137729,3.0816520325203247,335,15,59,7,6,112,63,82,0.214,0.618,0.168,-0.674,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,3,0,7,1,1,1,3,19,18,5,2,3,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,6,5,6,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,7,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066778491478134,0.19147616591390265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067743291255646,0.0,0.2410386418195402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353612232458667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611060872412752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342959052925878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834697991140558,0.133503986741237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946151197429086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305070032261421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912979929069432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309843902756426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971731320092667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495203717171605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386598916893106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40882321410323785,0.0,0.3522561376169622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197423573955954,0.0,0.0,0.10896868211991168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581710382151736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862618858353345,0.0,0.21489775082750406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SatyrW,2019/10/07,"Too tired/depressed to do anything. Hey, I’m an 18 year old who just graduated high school earlier this year, and although i was planning on going to college, i quit before it started because i havent been in a good mental space for a year or so now. 
My problem is that i’ve just been growing increasingly more and more tired, I can’t work and I’m struggling to spend time on small things just to keep myself busy. I really feel like im fading away and I can’t find motivation for anything, i’m wondering if anyone knows any ways for me to start trying to get myself moving & caring? Thanks",3.762666666666668,5.1075639333333385,4.950000000000003,83.32166666666669,72.16666666666666,7.333333333333335,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.516916666666667,472,16,93,6,9,156,85,120,0.098,0.7929999999999999,0.109,0.0905,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,6,6,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,16,21,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,3,1,10,4,13,18,3,21,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,10,54,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470147412665502,0.0,0.11592375128932457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919484543757893,0.0,0.2805604692739824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015983558541452,0.0,0.0,0.1039154108960836,0.0,0.14505529411986445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380298587375267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468234151931164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619349422062295,0.12178202205922775,0.0,0.0,0.15580421439477696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890622373500437,0.0,0.0968806134468042,0.14298005826653454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010828193619496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841341614391491,0.0,0.0,0.15151935397138608,0.0,0.0,0.0936844845040394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832818139559145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179115407744666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811799836814608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887697434032365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631143833952352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131317843967065,0.0,0.0,0.109205850948595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252221932282855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24131555966849005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782096522398498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694357869912345,0.0,0.0,0.11325103793591115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940097500918348,0.19592732411785474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573624841985243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530917355547212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848647411985624,0.1241023763706229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32932645923095283
bpd,swerenade,2019/10/07,"My boyfriend with BPD just had a dark moment with me, how else can I help? So I've been lurking around this sub for a while since my bf (before he was my bf, when we were getting to know each other) told me he has BPD. At first I got really scared bc since he's a psychologist he painted the illness as real bad before he told me he had it, so I got scared. Anyways, I looked for info and everything to know more about it and I've tried to be really understanding. Today we were chilling in bed and he started saying how he hopes my perspective of him won't change. Apparently he believes I'm idealizing him and later will make him feel like the worst thing. He says this is the only relationship he's ever been in that's actually good and suportive. We've known each other for half a year and I believe we can make it. I know I can't cure him but how can I make him feel more comfortable? 

P.d: yes he goes to therapy every week",3.2534789045151733,4.262353818652851,4.826843079200593,85.01037564766841,72.98963730569949,8.001332346410067,24.66654330125833,8.418075326091056,1.3673289415247964,729,21,158,12,14,246,111,193,0.07,0.833,0.09699999999999999,0.7947,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,2,11,9,0,2,7,1,16,1,0,6,1,34,34,15,0,2,2,0,2,1,2,2,1,2,1,0,9,14,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,11,5,23,5,16,20,5,14,0,0,1,0,28,4,0,1,11,95,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.1268724003588739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573773586004545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855411265877474,0.0,0.0,0.22126030062010266,0.29295671853886984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32748968719412963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753485301312432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086078662521129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176027808521398,0.10954023630447067,0.0,0.11684588922654975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147536984753475,0.09288019087632418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058765511628717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792560564416862,0.0,0.0,0.10904741831963544,0.2079640331302292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714392035529771,0.0,0.0,0.1291306843361204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143526439063396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351701709296538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917685616982636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260350915297834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887955031644867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798146935991227,0.16657730113865102,0.0,0.0,0.1395836193588353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678061328214856,0.2603282422717903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509359518879725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920227586323692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486793997038452,0.0,0.08637381645144247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323563288276712,0.2484629839105225,0.0,0.0882692261368232,0.0,0.0,0.13534648271921654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428732619911188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372309770298361
bpd,3v3ryonehat3sm3,2019/10/07,"Its all in my head apparently I feel like I'm the one being manipulated. My words are being twisted against me. Everything I say is ""an excuse"". Its too hard to fight. I'm trying I'm really trying but when no one really helps and when no one is truly there it's impossible. And pointless. I know I should be getting better for myself but what's the point for myself. I dont understand.",0.4723776223776213,2.9429732307692333,3.5139160839160866,82.49926573426576,92.33333333333334,6.426107226107226,18.62937062937063,7.686295010490155,1.0702153846153846,304,9,59,7,11,108,53,78,0.127,0.71,0.163,0.7086,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,3,0,8,1,1,1,1,11,15,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,3,10,2,5,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21402517513196506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28361668642610105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748976947913867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236009357968745,0.17288148891317764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264325549753646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216780253872328,0.0,0.2483569909177016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622043468969179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299428680240585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822667872181047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4919468294952166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22876377596491002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31005676849152125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244437358122612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285978440778136,0.0,0.0,0.2519256391582672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zima_96,2019/10/07,"Oop it's 3am, I'm listening to Can't Help Falling In Love and imagining my life with this guy I just fucking fell for. Long story short we were on two dates, first was terrible and I was certain he'd ghost me,but he didn't. We had second date this Friday and it was great.
Now we agreed on going to movies.

This the first third wholesome (not hookup) date I've had in my entire life and Oooh Boy I like this man and Ooh Boy we had one lowkey romantic moment but I am ready to fucking go marry him. 

Also he might see me just as friend so that's fucking terrible.

Also he's about 15 years older than me.

Also im going to work in four hours so I guess I'll just take shot of sth strong and hopefully fall asleep.

But yeah. Here we go again. I'll update when it doesn't work out and I end up depressed and suicidal for weeks ayyy.

Cheers!",0.4628168185827697,2.508605960893856,2.1255513084386948,96.6033578359306,84.36312849162009,5.332666862687447,17.242281681858277,6.5966054737557815,-0.3054424581005586,653,14,152,7,19,213,113,179,0.10300000000000001,0.7140000000000001,0.183,0.9133,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,0,5,13,14,3,0,1,1,13,7,1,0,1,26,27,17,2,1,6,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,4,8,15,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,6,0,7,8,2,17,8,18,17,0,31,0,1,1,4,18,8,3,3,17,86,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677434471540655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320232734234211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357641154146234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607665621324388,0.0,0.0,0.11842682814533452,0.4251257280838655,0.0,0.0,0.3484592890498535,0.0,0.0,0.16899613684533346,0.1688595931077906,0.1517752464380742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274302542132144,0.0,0.0,0.15224558557069898,0.15095385052092955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557300966128788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653802637676106,0.07488681339170809,0.0,0.0,0.13565150495958975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834478290487828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261008697578852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386919663521038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214749192163897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766780281770682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525048182223845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973618229807467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295516845135385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231851363288983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870986203716836
bpd,i-canttalk-about-thi,2019/10/07,"suffocating, clingy, and paranoid I had to make a new account so that people who know my other one can't identify me. 

I was diagnosed with BPD in February of 2017, after i got admitted to a mental hospital for the first time.  I had a really big issue with becoming co-dependent or fixated on someone, it changed a lot depending on where i was and what kind of people i was with at the time. If i ever felt like they were going to leave me i would always leave before they could to feel some sense of control that i really didn't have. This lead to me having really bad paranoia about abandonment. (which you could imagine gets on people's nerves.) i would constantly ask, ""do you still love me?"" ""are you going to leave me?"" ""are you SURE you're not going to leave me?"" After i got sent to residential, i got better at managing my interpersonal relationships. Yet, i still cut everyone out of my life when i came back. i didn't really have a person for a while, that was until i met my s/o we've been dating for almost 7 months now and things have been great! The problem is, school has started and they've become really busy. I'm not getting the attention same attention as before, and this has manifested in me becoming even more paranoid. today, they indirectly told me that they didn't want to hang out today. this freaked me out, so much. so so so much. I know it's small, but my paranoia is killing me. how do i know that this isn't the first sign of them starting to get sick of me??? they don't have anything to do today, in fact they told me that they were bored, we've hung out all day for the past 3 days. maybe they need a break from me, it wouldn't be so bad if i had friends. I can feel myself starting to push away and i'm scared i'm going to explode, and ruin everything we have. i've never been this attached to a person before and i'm terrified. help.",3.707726961790289,4.710980163588392,5.171515684549989,82.98687970292194,71.90237467018471,8.67550083064595,25.646535717775826,9.049649993220411,1.8440770253102707,1458,44,303,29,27,491,186,379,0.151,0.7959999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,4,9,5,18,17,2,1,14,0,40,4,0,5,5,58,74,23,1,10,6,0,3,1,1,3,3,0,0,2,19,17,0,2,10,0,1,9,10,10,0,3,24,3,53,7,46,44,7,55,0,2,0,1,27,16,0,8,30,214,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395060596933443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975906738464277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899067532697012,0.0,0.07837624114540266,0.0,0.07876758437058208,0.06446544787161228,0.14000072071162067,0.0,0.2777740092456177,0.2140172361483093,0.0,0.0,0.07414697884687865,0.0,0.0,0.10558971721532302,0.0,0.0,0.095887148679215,0.0,0.0,0.0886883880914289,0.0,0.0,0.09059797094706143,0.09403028028494442,0.13387398256992913,0.0,0.0,0.10813580805277187,0.0,0.0,0.08509275040921782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537352189155153,0.07583533075685588,0.0,0.0801098087526516,0.07534725448554827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478097275015535,0.0,0.08049662971311429,0.0,0.0,0.1426233519752037,0.0,0.0,0.06477222791049664,0.0,0.13140405525006488,0.0,0.1905859072757401,0.0,0.2011562284967053,0.0924305451996575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056194147584843125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750400549897015,0.0,0.0,0.09275317559306286,0.08730329344420107,0.13822380331024325,0.0,0.0,0.3550849453398389,0.0,0.0,0.05921652473269099,0.04095850425501444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127518599334462,0.07566613029225146,0.0,0.05596182230669355,0.0,0.0842254955288962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844879377745018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691786222106229,0.0,0.12325962511425907,0.062164044103406965,0.0646602325167051,0.08097025911554374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056810094323218464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003186538771867,0.17436597758308828,0.14640640077281386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022064901089168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26854051912931737,0.0,0.0,0.09000952074105434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393542318890207,0.08484748012284113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103478478403043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780206969804079,0.0,0.13390461030648235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901534333917462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569755146829861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777201202705284,0.0,0.23840290798340585,0.1602196175053032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944921159233992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911074303674934,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tempcats,2019/10/28,"Literally alone and Dissociating Every single day I wake up and it's like I have nothing on my mind besides what I can do to get fucked up. It's either drinking or smoking weed which is pretty tame, but I don't have a healthy grasp on either. I'm so stressed about school and having to find a job rn, but all I can seemingly do is find something to distract me from everything else I should be doing, but it doesn't feel like I have the attention for, anybody have any ideas on procrastinating less or how to stop isolating/ being so agoraphobic, so I can get a grip on some sort of real world out there?",12.351147540983613,6.362961245901643,11.780409836065571,64.92668032786885,59.491803278688536,14.822950819672133,44.4344262295082,11.20814326018867,4.674026229508199,480,17,98,8,4,160,82,122,0.139,0.802,0.059000000000000004,-0.8677,1,1,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,2,4,0,18,3,1,1,1,26,24,12,0,1,7,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,7,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,10,2,15,21,6,10,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,5,4,71,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153895415722255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142367320410978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412054461563408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372701924728906,0.0,0.0,0.17372849186591124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521990541307594,0.0,0.18690598403745826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515360677514812,0.1485705966058223,0.0,0.0,0.3801534035142831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922607560356498,0.2173067832903948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23476773877937915,0.0,0.0,0.20637367171995388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320287964717304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998587331811752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995485085984854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157568108471966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367102713934311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047219137228126,0.0,0.18932398292251976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010200417118126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386847224642138,0.2382237805780504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,complicatedhousewife,2019/10/28,"Does it ever feel like people want you to fail? My husband has BPD and is actually doing well. I've had a very recent experience that's made me wonder if others have experienced this. I don't have BPD so I don't know but it seems that people don't want to hear about anything good. Like I get that people with BPD can do horrible things. I REALLY get it. However, shouldn't hearing that someone is successful be a welcome thing? Or do people just naturally want other people to be hateful and horrible all the time? Super discouraged for my husband if that's the case.",2.753230519480521,5.127698446428571,4.711266233766235,79.4200974025974,77.92857142857143,7.6441558441558435,24.467532467532468,8.575989854853784,1.9846321428571445,454,16,83,10,11,155,72,112,0.147,0.631,0.222,0.787,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,5,10,1,0,4,0,16,0,0,1,2,20,29,7,0,6,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,4,8,7,6,24,1,3,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,5,5,58,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.13524161094006756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140458747815933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236390980675776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212790367030281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536051567154474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556537076817493,0.0,0.0,0.07007410897415926,0.0990070858831707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481271427690112,0.0,0.0,0.11624079374779026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368266691910254,0.0,0.0,0.3123968370555407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616417962497757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541390703513428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113503968620352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803963325808364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878283412434944,0.0,0.1368386417471152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261650438591514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742491477612772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414302948305106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081160669855557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434937271328745,0.2452278615877196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460699269922805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029245695817653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HoneyCide,2019/10/28,"I called into work and I feel like a burden I hadn't been feeling too great today, but I was still able do go about things. In the afternoon it felt like I got hit by a train: freezing cold, vertigo, hard to focus/blurry vision, ringing in my ears that still won't stop. This is all probably because I haven't been sleeping well. I tried to find someone to cover my short shift but nobody could. I had to call in and I just feel awful. I feel like the asm is frustrated that they have to deal with it, coworkers are probably upset that they have to compensate, and just an overall burden. It seems that I should've went in. I know it's important to take care of myself but I can't help feeling bad. 
😩",2.494166666666665,4.1096889722222265,3.84,88.90500000000002,75.94444444444444,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.0133444444444444,548,16,116,8,12,180,92,144,0.185,0.648,0.166,-0.2361,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,7,11,1,1,5,1,15,3,2,0,1,22,29,6,0,1,5,0,8,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,5,0,1,9,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,8,11,18,6,16,18,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,8,77,28,1,0.1579925520525659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191718161058455,0.09631079329739373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226561205439275,0.0,0.16108393646921246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614419684300734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288338373651512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994289073140441,0.2257398215095153,0.1516976265111964,0.0,0.14440233029963145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979080827126404,0.0,0.12636107677074035,0.17418734640066003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153029373926415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589907730077038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682857474589922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315615412624725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34068538616884936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383048560338518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810665238415875,0.0,0.13386657664892893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523461123129571,0.1320888479541219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187907367278234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049632312599739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975846576161225,0.0,0.0,0.10726657194020024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205427843797674,0.14646067861237438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502045957648124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emmamaestevens,2019/10/28,"I left another job. I was excited about this job. I've quit the last 3 or 4 shitty customer service jobs I've had due to the constant panic, but this job was supposed to be different. It was in a field I was passionate about. It was soon after I'd finished a ten day inpatient stay and I was feeling more grounded and stable than I had in months. My first two days, I thought about how this job was different. I could look forward work. I loved it. My anxiety about work chattered in the back of my mind, still, but I reminded myself those anxieties are just anxieties and my emotions were just emotions. I was able to cope quite well for about forty-eight hours. Last night, the night before work after a day off, I panicked. I couldn't go back. The emotions and urges to self-harm were overwhelming. I did cut a little bit, but I was able to control my emotions just enough to drive myself to the ER before I acted on my impulse to maim myself. I wanted to hurt myself so badly that I would lose my ability to move my fingers enough to work, especially in nursing, which is what I'm in school for now. 

I had school aversion from sixth grade to the day I graduated high school. I didn't go to school for over a year when I was middle-school aged. I refused. Now, I'm an adult and I have work aversion. The more jobs I get and no call no show in a few days after starting, the harder it gets to do this the right way. 

I was so excited about working. I was so excited to be making money again. I was really, really happy the first forty-eight hours. I'm not a lazy person, I'm ambitious and I like to be active and productive. At jobs I've been able to keep I've always made the best of it and I get praised for my work ethic. I'm still not sure what is causing my work aversion, but finally, I've accepted today I need to assume I can't work and apply for disability (again, after I let the claim expire because I had everything ""under control""). I don't know what I'm going to do for money. I don't know what to do if I don't get disability, which I probably won't, I've heard it's a difficult process. I don't want to be disabled, even. But my mental health plummets so sharply when I'm working, I just have to take a break from this cycle before I end up involuntarily institutionalized like I was a few weeks ago, or worse, hurt myself past repair like I've been plotting in my imagination as I fall asleep. When I'm not working, I'm generally okay mental-health wise. It's why I think I'm ready to take on another job. Then the cycle repeats. 

Thank you for reading. Advice or support is appreciated.",2.6675034176350003,4.2878724454887225,4.385604921394396,85.1552084757348,75.48496240601503,7.317566643882433,25.248803827751196,8.07648339933343,1.4534421052631572,2039,70,423,33,44,688,231,532,0.11900000000000001,0.721,0.161,0.9802,10,0,0,0,0,4,67.0,0,1,0,21,29,26,1,2,25,1,47,5,2,6,1,51,83,29,0,7,16,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,20,10,0,4,8,2,2,8,13,8,2,4,27,4,61,18,60,47,8,74,1,4,1,2,8,20,0,5,48,272,81,28,0.16768410901806366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054619656876501534,0.04954728172144137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650887053231032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722093930149467,0.12827788442722904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595915287503578,0.046669742286723416,0.03407289215659386,0.0,0.1426868262561646,0.0,0.05865804237568442,0.0,0.061022539081417936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707474117158836,0.0,0.0,0.05741925689174013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040231699247894,0.12538132448863806,0.04462737215692987,0.0,0.0,0.18023729692737786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679613612037833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514960706417043,0.04950611643652782,0.11550833960229615,0.0,0.03691792417997805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050234554950556384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028262041287756362,0.0,0.0,0.06122991503159767,0.0,0.09508801164619876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681070140742232,0.0,0.09529874343677433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059500950707688675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882691108250515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059055822558005774,0.0,0.0,0.11009004666083373,0.0,0.11967287121938038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44373494431452415,0.04968178023822243,0.0,0.0,0.06143653399868389,0.09112328623308001,0.0,0.0,0.0607297583617358,0.05715612080564768,0.0,0.08192198561471506,0.056021176477387136,0.0,0.0,0.04693747308438434,0.06253187535242187,0.0,0.0,0.050447151737839535,0.052888919461676516,0.03731014828600112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265742811123786,0.0,0.056437716247359375,0.0,0.04461461867283397,0.059407223545362625,0.0,0.0414452140397546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490678472025604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558039079102722,0.0,0.0,0.05335781863672283,0.0,0.04880509870565845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602639435562248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890179372378328,0.05590982890646692,0.0,0.07161515602265263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773377096367352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828421175893419,0.0,0.0,0.05831036541704791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039562558476119336,0.059576316377539025,0.0892751640454797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342864658903476,0.05268009609653615,0.0,0.08405172095782107,0.0,0.0,0.051460332837760775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03581506875707021,0.0,0.04437415068786862,0.0,0.0,0.052981642853630745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460100301888158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593628802954024,0.04436661356190818,0.044835359234918784,0.0,0.050256050686386784,0.0,0.05043627559802901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476121044019165,0.0,0.0569614775812065,0.03970599331810309,0.0,0.0,0.035994356156054584
bpd,blakieee,2019/10/28,"I don't know if I should cut ties with a friend or if it's just my bpd.... I suffer from bpd, anxiety, depression, and ptsd and sometimes my brain just tells me that everyone hates me when in reality they're just busy but I have this friend who only wants to hang out when drugs are involved. As soon as we're done smoking she makes an excuse or a reason for me to leave. She never invites me anywhere and has ditched me for others. I am polyamorous and recently had a partner I had been seeing for a month break up with me over a text. it took her an entire day to respond with ""shoot I wish I had seen this sooner I'm so sorry"" then is online all day and doesn't respond to me. it took her an entire day to respond to me again so I finally got upset about it and told her how I was feeling and how I felt like we weren't really friends anymore and she responded with ""quit feeling sorry for yourself and being negative you know it's not right. I've been working. quit being defensive"" then proceeds to leave me on read. should I just block her? I didn't go into the conversation with an angry tone it was just me explaining that I felt like she didn't care about my feelings because she never responds to me and is always partying and hanging out with others. idk why this is consuming me right now but I feel I need an outside opinion and advice.",2.7103260869565204,4.379537206521738,4.01101449275362,87.67891304347826,75.48550724637681,6.828985507246378,25.405797101449274,7.586124646067393,1.2569797101449276,1063,37,219,14,23,349,149,276,0.157,0.753,0.09,-0.9536,0,0,1,1,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,3,16,12,3,1,11,0,24,2,1,4,3,58,47,28,0,7,12,0,6,2,4,2,1,0,0,1,14,22,0,2,10,1,0,5,9,6,0,0,18,8,42,6,30,25,1,31,0,2,2,0,27,9,0,5,18,160,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206118396175796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542057556969108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877277060254916,0.0,0.11372891833884073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990612637319389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28886371245109593,0.12801762564499572,0.0,0.0,0.11692099747051952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187182464456265,0.0,0.09877126143780413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735453972097393,0.0,0.0,0.13298908665801468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957893140696888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319368512360322,0.0,0.22021609596049774,0.12562321268024348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26579784534984063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517366720031023,0.0,0.09171779297998237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321994414864195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604712537769944,0.0,0.0,0.2428530879981261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120509260520164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654788824784431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091534207213796,0.0,0.0,0.08503165381182552,0.17689217572803562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721714028500956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405145181264172,0.0,0.0,0.2439465302755545,0.11470818347548918,0.0,0.07346511890078447,0.11790720986828315,0.11322985107789645,0.0,0.0,0.19586731938808388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138284141668604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341863384483435,0.25674336180706114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023288388354576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957893140696888,0.2548210668057776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763955437637159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034782911748432,0.0,0.13187306325156936,0.0,0.0,0.08348633115115173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,altowaijri,2019/10/28,"The supplement NSI 189 Hey guys,
I read few mixed results on supplementing nsi-189 and its effect on BPD symptoms. Has any of you tried it? Did it have a positive impact?",2.440312500000001,5.306407406250003,3.3862500000000004,85.03375000000003,84.3125,6.95,26.75,8.07648339933343,2.1538500000000003,135,6,25,3,4,43,30,32,0.0,0.88,0.12,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881159839143669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336083787514599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195084353653962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237932642664031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403643002818645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876499657504972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,robingeagea,2019/10/28,"Starter advice for someone who wants to date a person with BPD? Hey! so I don't have BPD but I recently met a girl who does. At first, I thought she was Bipolar because honestly I didn't know much about BPD and turns out its a different condition altogether.

Shes maybe the sweetest girl I have ever met and I really like her even with her issues. I don't want to fuck it up with her because I'm not prepared so today after we had a little fight because of something stupid I did, I realized that just telling her that I like her and trying to tell her yes to everything isn't the way to go.

I'm currently watching youtube videos about it and reading comments on Reddit to get more educated. I even bought ""I hate you, don't leave"" since it's recommended in practically all the videos I watched.

Can you Reddit people help me? Is there like a list of rules to start with? Like a universal set of information that I can rely on to make things better with that girl?",4.047231222385861,5.2197333402061865,5.0812960235640645,83.31329896907219,71.26804123711341,8.429455081001473,28.80559646539028,8.841846274778883,2.1476359351988226,764,29,156,14,14,251,116,194,0.078,0.737,0.185,0.9712,2,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,1,2,0,2,9,10,4,0,9,1,14,2,0,1,2,23,30,7,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,11,11,0,0,4,3,1,1,6,4,0,1,8,2,26,6,26,22,3,19,0,0,2,1,26,7,1,0,13,102,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508124861466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25279958240119355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225726779664195,0.0,0.0,0.5223049085043956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442573244446785,0.0,0.0,0.12097002764392788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260529559050584,0.12504110733809273,0.0,0.0,0.12423634263514155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758227784638345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779565772142076,0.0722218716667609,0.0,0.07856190726325528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647804603688488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092655736710079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428100510553404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597011952916162,0.0,0.0,0.1463704790407524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701377669666711,0.1385473820265489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227266710713107,0.0,0.13887523298077856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161833449227606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583446440895813,0.12070111840556733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827200554543842,0.0,0.08855662272967789,0.0,0.13648998808788168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434908736364845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712572570424595,0.1064197465330882,0.0,0.0,0.09784315945865757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416462619537933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918369240578126,0.0,0.0,0.1097428293020119,0.0,0.0,0.1310302348933911,0.0,0.0,0.09385221760956401,0.1503595467987551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306869404516566,0.1097241890460322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,belle-2002,2019/10/28,what are your favourite borderline songs? mine rn is 4.21.15 by purple hearts. “just please don’t ever leave”. i want to make a playlist!,2.0422000000000007,4.86618752,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,93.8,4.1000000000000005,22.25,5.985473137389443,0.14159999999999995,108,4,22,1,4,29,25,25,0.05,0.789,0.162,0.4003,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39136540987587803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5127037503706308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581240820958522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888036658623022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749303537213527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551938624085919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snailmail1415,2019/10/28,"Coping with academic failure— help I have BPD and my entire life I’ve been a perfectionist in school and always got good grades. However, whenever I don’t do well, even just a few percent below my high standards, I freak out and am unable to cope with my feelings. I hate that I hold myself to an unobtainable standard and I wish I could let myself live and not get straight A’s, but I physically can’t. Rationally I know I don’t need to have flawless grades, but I can’t find my self with anywhere else. 
When I get bad grades a sink into a depression. Does anyone else experience something similar? How do you push through or deal with this?",2.884285714285713,5.180756714285717,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,77.09523809523809,7.374603174603175,26.37301587301588,8.344100000000001,1.905758730158729,510,20,99,10,12,168,84,126,0.129,0.7609999999999999,0.11,-0.659,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,0,6,0,12,1,0,1,0,26,20,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,2,1,19,3,12,16,2,8,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,66,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322983099835722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371671933676701,0.20100017990158275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379443445969086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470702711833533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662643129584936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022434939578988,0.16896163343944834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716704000769972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32775108367486816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956897159051772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189269694931524,0.0,0.0,0.09918985712336767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929656878139244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498230586235186,0.0,0.0,0.16453877034671915,0.15689571938004718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367806407255048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148916058172527,0.20726523403563304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781034829434556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200597946861474,0.1385612463987027,0.0,0.0,0.17322242154064418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545817187067753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985353354098421,0.0,0.0,0.2046489408050645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102187557733365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638111969381967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225586753163818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uuiope,2019/10/28,"Anger at self and everyone I've been told I had depression and while I see that it's somewhat true, I don't exactly tell everything in therapy which is probably stupid but it's also part of the broader issues I have. My problem recently is I can't change reality, don't want to play a game where I can only loose and yet I can't give up, if that makes sense. So the result is, I'm  living in anger now, rage almost, at the world and at myself. On top of that I'v got plenty of attachment and rejection problems, I can sort of fall in love in 5 minutes and when it's not confirmed i feel worthless for a long time. I don't want to ask this question directly because you can't answer, but at least maybe you could tell me if it seems familiar?",4.066064516129032,4.444100412903229,5.528548387096773,83.03282258064519,70.6774193548387,9.296774193548387,29.048387096774192,9.3871,2.334793548387097,584,21,125,12,10,198,101,155,0.221,0.685,0.094,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,6,12,4,0,5,0,15,1,0,2,2,27,27,14,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,2,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,2,15,3,17,22,3,21,0,3,1,1,11,13,0,7,7,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643739209756604,0.0,0.0,0.14090591366191502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164721855553444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740899829023252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639469868632574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068020165918393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517595495745462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836526162676702,0.1583558918919281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890912790849675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690257008100354,0.0,0.0,0.14092207336420798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839055043148699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558654431830735,0.1559301686586163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902606711089276,0.0,0.1176138977296615,0.0,0.1770151222573894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400693412392772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080585500945788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899718339331101,0.3371964249793762,0.0,0.0,0.1973826965699713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397480752835204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040742874354425,0.16040453882000544,0.18381351106323654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080105911232731,0.0,0.2014983933273807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274278918538364,0.0,0.0,0.16836526162676702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785293528006585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iiMS0Raw,2019/10/28,"Do I have BPD Lately I've been looking up much about personality disorders and all kind of other stuff online. I know there's something with me, but I don't know what it could be. There happened alot in my life and a few months ago my girlfriend broke up with me because of stupid little arguments thanks to me. At the moment it felt like an obvious reaction which came up so impulsive, but meanwhile I feel like my personality splits and I'm watching from the side, myself say and do things I have no control about. I feel like I lost control, I know I lost it, but I can't do anything about it. Afterwards I just hate myself so much for it. 

I felt like randomly telling that  while typing this story. But coming back at the stories and information I've been reading online, I can relate very good to people diagnosed with BPD. Is there any possibilty I could know if I have BPD without going to a psychologist. I recently started at a psychologist and he's an ass and I cant trust him. I have alot of problems and I selfharm alot and just want to die. 

Sorry for my weird story. I just wished I could've been a normal person without any mental issues and a shitty past/life.",4.262941176470586,5.559871416309012,5.353577379449637,81.09176975511237,70.88841201716738,8.05746023731381,27.86897248169653,8.4952907291091,1.973104216107044,932,33,180,15,17,308,125,233,0.204,0.7070000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9843,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,4,12,15,2,0,13,0,18,3,1,2,2,48,39,18,1,7,10,0,4,4,1,0,2,1,0,3,12,15,0,2,9,1,0,3,6,7,0,0,8,7,31,8,25,28,7,21,0,3,2,1,9,9,1,5,13,129,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925540611723681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200613534384912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859213653990939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028562230971124,0.0,0.06364798300561844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945060386312005,0.0,0.0,0.11941838081302772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994084052242794,0.0,0.0,0.2342116534633649,0.2500910880921501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597497801077682,0.10836214471837036,0.0,0.11966406399076895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558668840438258,0.1491824937913556,0.20050188818117776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059339183524976864,0.08757500201573762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233031192609656,0.0,0.0,0.10308425677313914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897796832294794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872800042922773,0.22952624355462,0.0,0.11778016787620445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374858464725037,0.2040397832673305,0.1046472624630856,0.0,0.0,0.08767895239041,0.0,0.2279539041572412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522174103869124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333987258962845,0.0,0.15350821307669454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230062191468384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967212405096,0.07238544823670302,0.2735030016291821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990723621055457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443926578733888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309327681326354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830318264478293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038069708577462,0.0,0.11687957820652002,0.07390265076337307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952562711889116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125982544028312,0.09612763057706604,0.0,0.0,0.0693660360456236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861500186207637,0.06158431929802565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006750944725893,0.20129697676948974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spanglesakura,2019/10/28,"Does anyone else struggle when someone doesn’t agree with you? I can’t even remember what I mentioned, it was nothing absurd. One of the things I mentioned was my rent to my partner, the local council has suspicions that the landlord is taking too much money. Partner says I should’ve kept my mouth shut in case I owe money. I do not. I’m intelligent enough to work out basic numbers and I’m luck that my benefits are paying my rent. I snapped and told him he’d feel differently if his money was possibly being taken. It just feels like he’s been off with me for the last couple of days. 

I mention this to him, in a composed manner and he just says ‘I don’t have to agree with you’. I know that’s perfectly fine but I listen to him rant on about football and I just try to understand. This isn’t trivial shit, this is my life. Where I live, where I sleep. I’ve got forms to send off for my benefits and he wouldn’t even lend me the money at first yet I’m the one that pays for his unemployed broke ass. 

It all ended up with him calling me a slut. I told the police this month about something that happened to me 10 years ago, I finally plucked up the courage and told them and he uses that word. Of all the words, that word. 

Yes I should be grateful because he’s my carer and gets me food when I can’t go out etc but I know damn well I don’t *need* him if it came to the crunch. 

I’m sorry, I’ve rambled. I feel like a kid again, my dad would tell if I cried I’d lost the argument and I’m laying in bed now with a lump in my throat. I’m alternating between hitting him but he’ll just floor me or crying my eyes out only to be told that he can’t handle me crying. 

I know what to do, I know what I’d say to a friend in this position but it’s hard when I’m in it myself.",0.2390973689264441,2.2660630524934438,2.280865501568403,95.26119454580372,85.14173228346456,5.186889443697587,19.52890339927021,6.467335915029111,-0.020476013059342886,1377,39,319,14,41,460,182,381,0.136,0.765,0.099,-0.9427,6,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,1,4,18,16,2,1,16,1,25,10,6,1,3,53,59,20,0,7,13,1,4,2,3,4,2,4,4,3,23,18,1,1,9,0,9,3,9,6,1,3,13,9,54,10,41,37,6,37,0,2,1,2,38,20,3,5,16,201,77,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617142372114253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585998047615178,0.11116265740136476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613558675971813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078224528737447,0.12408570251578728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004409947459285,0.3575194030151775,0.06996822772481244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335082678172785,0.0,0.0,0.09494189447521084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063096720936943,0.0,0.0960915217785843,0.11210101831288607,0.12099702172518145,0.14331560504887356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457012292965234,0.15501310953244782,0.0,0.1188474503206718,0.0,0.09228305914177087,0.13118870025788384,0.0,0.08382048600355209,0.0,0.056682481207418436,0.0,0.06165838310886487,0.0,0.08677079348747145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593892950859367,0.0,0.09718733176476484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238496996721778,0.08843528713091986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663095809201206,0.1060072146160502,0.0,0.0958002361459866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184316021787909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659710982056865,0.0,0.07975394713895996,0.08044528583907816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410079627829068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703368618599352,0.08251289332583597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230818937113315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229000461837452,0.0,0.0,0.2588310722135624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113652609414577,0.0,0.0,0.10857013910946664,0.0,0.09192473959646304,0.08352227855285853,0.0,0.12144767390718755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134191725317229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157232233416148,0.0,0.09482660436466303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207712292576676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41467420960585466,0.0,0.07365880221817914,0.0,0.0,0.1129437770994802,0.0,0.09370207073763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754714642640372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789833135313701,0.0,0.0,0.07706945315653252,0.0,0.0,0.06986515419584834
bpd,fsociety999,2019/10/28,DAE have nightmares about being rejected about mass groups of people? recently this has been a thing for me dont know if its normal though,3.3737179487179496,6.340016115384617,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,80.15384615384616,6.5435897435897425,20.2051282051282,7.793537801064563,1.0436820512820508,113,3,20,2,3,34,25,26,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.5106,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49983958109721505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343860985096104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178667027238395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956723821785159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211044551701895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833390083159135,0.0,0.419021306579945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hippocampfire,2019/10/28,Ignoring obligations for FP DAE avoid work or school to spend more time with your fp. I will literally do anything to spend extra time with my partner even if it means fucking up my life. What.even.are.boundaries.,9.969729729729726,10.251074756756758,7.252027027027029,76.01966216216219,58.189189189189186,10.643243243243244,37.41891891891892,10.125756701596842,3.6779297297297298,174,7,29,3,2,49,31,37,0.126,0.8740000000000001,0.0,-0.5994,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,2,18,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29321405985382804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706808589791985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32940430208014937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516733970934081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881277526801055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606063282795497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155362800938173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593990643607224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,k3mist-,2019/10/28,"I think my GF has BPD, it's is painful for me but how can I help I am in LDR with someone who I am pretty sure has BPD. We got together only a couple months ago..I really love her and want a future. 

I am almost very sure she has BPD, she has had a tough youth..went to a psych ward for a couple weeks..had suicidal attempts..cutting herself. All of this was many years ago and she tells me she is completely over all of that. I was taken back at first but she really looks behind all that so I never thought any thing else of it. 

But we have fought a few times already, she is abusive verbally..her emotions change quickly..triggered by little things. Low self-esteem, not happy with her body even though she's not fat. Recently developed an eating disorder where she can't keep food down and she tells me she is going to see her therapist about it. 

Despite all of this, I really love her but its so hard for me. I feel like I'm walking on thin glass and I get anxiety sometimes. She can be so loving and a few hours later completely ghost me and claim im ignoring her. I have not been able to talk to anyone about this and this post alone is helping me relieve some pressure. 

How can I help while being long distance..I want to hold on cause we have plans to move in together next year. I am hoping her therapist can link her eating disorder into BPD cause I don't think she knows about this BPD. Is there anything else I can do?",2.1604856917826183,3.989381279863487,3.5046587030716734,90.00765227093727,77.49829351535836,6.828511420320294,22.53202940404305,7.748469712250963,0.936519138881596,1117,33,238,17,26,365,161,293,0.14800000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.16,0.7934,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,3,0,0,2,13,15,1,1,8,0,31,9,2,4,7,45,51,18,2,3,7,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,14,13,4,3,6,0,0,3,6,6,0,1,8,5,45,9,28,41,7,31,0,1,2,3,35,12,0,3,16,160,59,1,0.08287459460811418,0.09819284285661828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692665550637746,0.0,0.08298693528963781,0.08583308634399099,0.09145417595739767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056357566224459726,0.0,0.06339883803746672,0.0,0.0,0.05794784348029645,0.0,0.0681987299893825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372544771020694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920549918696262,0.5218882537310073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702700750405459,0.0876703323162927,0.0,0.17378487138292487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339832526779268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899629306781176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960279989865235,0.13846217911873726,0.09322276431864944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054737888129742604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190388513681309,0.05920562694716375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049308783715562,0.10021228876162527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04329855515998876,0.0,0.04709954196157349,0.0,0.06628238404640559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822154700716242,0.07423935853954923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664728153301875,0.0,0.0,0.0823131719702908,0.08161478187317793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951878352859906,0.0,0.0,0.07366274754530072,0.0,0.0,0.04554570983873079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048834076805635,0.0830621157345258,0.0,0.07334140831677714,0.06959378697080802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22439267182207426,0.0,0.0,0.08402183125065492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614971074644434,0.08808257855105121,0.0,0.0,0.06391799641847519,0.0,0.08813807155750647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302986367172993,0.0881844117564073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937095298070611,0.08431325667102495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592747622937051,0.0,0.08182866410992316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604032209273214,0.0,0.08645627645375044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021937507323056,0.0,0.08196509316532195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065135541027394,0.0,0.15621664927521398,0.0,0.0,0.06661145991215286,0.14487209706622478,0.0,0.0,0.19244758379768387,0.11011639632903568,0.10620538779083187,0.08142386842517248,0.06579317093679392,0.048324842575826935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838021988137187,0.0977631662131445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682557948675592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673704355461942
bpd,xxkittensrevengexx,2019/10/28,Why are breakups harder when you have bpd? I'm diagnosed and for some reason I find that my friends are able to get over breakups easier where as I'm on the second month and I still feel as bad as the first day w constant crying and lurking on his social media.,5.71222222222222,5.2037731851851845,5.852222222222222,85.165,67.14814814814815,8.681481481481484,29.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.6279333333333341,208,6,44,2,3,66,42,54,0.14,0.759,0.102,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,7,7,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,1,8,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,28,6,0,0.2675129975378214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233621789187088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369232556624575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28908651460491835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938504663526629,0.1725237526137788,0.0,0.0,0.2715200613965285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352626094213423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445020333429927,0.22754641904659276,0.0,0.0,0.20667987830303866,0.0,0.1397645000217138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352632241182112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27504791569570425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27269581228364936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136362253943304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138887129284795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Imightbecheating,2019/10/28,"I left my entire life behind again, I left everyone I cared about and most importantly I feel like I lost myself I don’t know what I was running from but something pushed me and I did what I do best. I disappeared. But this time the regret and realization of what a mess I made came a lot quicker but I feel more trapped than ever. I can’t ask the same people to forgive me again and again while I break my own heart and there’s I just can’t help but feel that I don’t deserve to have anyone in my life. People who care about me only get hurt how do I deal with that? How do I live my life knowing I’ll run away from everyone that loves me again in time.",2.1154738878143142,3.283617865248228,3.4686653771760163,93.02454545454547,76.02127659574468,6.545712443584787,21.32882011605416,6.980632752743323,0.25202978723404224,513,12,121,5,11,168,80,141,0.139,0.68,0.18100000000000002,0.746,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,12,10,0,0,4,0,10,5,1,3,1,26,23,12,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,5,3,27,6,13,18,6,19,0,3,0,1,6,5,0,2,9,87,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063040401009094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147913407586707,0.0,0.14865195933563394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604107981644936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096038668917253,0.3226296317560617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311684226855575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311814427157588,0.0,0.3023700708417847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400008419910069,0.11303168565820018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826628975767065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874902775321754,0.10605086100371144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693767125293444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390604991533273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34381081423728643,0.0,0.33526427769374895,0.07729781175362206,0.0,0.1397102762559299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271472935220358,0.13451213636404824,0.1427988253438097,0.14971064396418202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033267959446008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193782668028582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180471656001705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451754325268727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xxxyrill,2019/10/28,"I feel so extremely fucked up and think like i will never be able to get my life together I am in so much pain right now and for the past few months. I'll be okay for a moment then these suicidal thoughts would come and consume me. I am so hurt. I have no one. I feel so abandoned. I wanna kill myself and let them feel how painful it is to be left behind. I wanna hurt them the same way they hurt me. Everyday i pretend that i am okay, but i cant be. My mind is consuming me. I dont know how long i can stay alive. I have been wanting to end this all for so long. I really i wish i had the strength and courage to bring myself to do it.",-0.12641337386018492,1.5698734255319169,2.062679837892606,98.21250000000002,84.24822695035459,5.730699088145897,19.291286727456946,6.868970318607317,-0.04758196555217832,487,13,124,6,14,164,85,141,0.177,0.6829999999999999,0.141,-0.3261,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,1,8,13,2,0,4,2,20,4,0,2,2,25,32,14,2,5,1,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,6,1,0,2,4,8,0,1,3,3,27,5,13,22,4,18,0,4,0,1,3,4,1,0,11,91,32,0,0.15565340392321672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408162498556228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824246301519477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786271549800638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610911365521786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389906376147826,0.08132247919255038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998905646002274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722074294706236,0.0,0.08554304010801737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691178787982882,0.15916615135225384,0.10994260240900054,0.07604439079976003,0.0,0.0,0.2754967286901495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716556616479013,0.0,0.1242410619914168,0.0,0.11442316159376224,0.0,0.12004950083355867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547477484012753,0.0,0.3312523923105238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858878659448066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997155562864098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292715647467715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659058182377582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025956032225265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973641622501322,0.0,0.12357141606109708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180841047454884,0.12355042696466312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899373278197644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057171223272212,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MagsEffect,2019/10/28,"I don’t seem to have much object permanence. Is this...normal? I’ve always had this thing where I over compartmentalize. Like, when I’m sick, I can’t ever imagine being well. When I’m healthy, I can’t remember what it felt like to be sick. Or, with splitting, if my parents were mad at me, they were Bad Mom or Dad, and when they were not mad, they were a desperate, distinct Happy version. Does any of this ring a bell?

Thing is, I also get this when people are away. Like say one of my roommates (all of whom are basically my Favorite People, right? The order just changed from day to day) goes out of town? I don’t even think of them at all most times. Out of sight, out of mind. They stop being real to me and I feel terrible about it, like that I don’t really see them as people or don’t really care about them.

Can anyone else relate or am I just weird in some unrelated way? Like, god forbid, narcissism or something?",2.0284491978609616,3.9283404010695233,3.5288770053475917,89.35449197860964,78.14438502673798,6.53903743315508,20.62566844919786,7.510576382923642,0.5719540106951873,713,18,153,10,17,235,113,187,0.138,0.7120000000000001,0.15,0.3513,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,7,0,13,14,2,0,3,0,21,2,0,0,4,31,30,14,0,1,9,3,2,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,10,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,6,6,21,8,24,21,6,22,0,0,2,0,12,11,0,9,14,105,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451983481307065,0.12956174121524625,0.0,0.0,0.10588695247701553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887483189578608,0.1595415074153259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629303064074625,0.0,0.13000988851221473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875494280413466,0.0,0.16471868701083955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083788537171707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626134275246266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007426653075185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284383353251893,0.14084703059914164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873077195016116,0.0,0.1495043425693215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135113631928519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575433222561506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803559399376363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722094954208818,0.1823636256940503,0.0,0.0,0.11446348302857033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551194296411896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289558971667732,0.0,0.0,0.3238454943756441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772300824182617,0.199501389853156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638709876080347,0.13297399850909886,0.0,0.12382545359568398,0.0,0.0,0.1240793191662876,0.14175094684143438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198718214784437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017907285887909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689129084449892,0.0997715622159891,0.0,0.0,0.0907947353316515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235939647451,0.0,0.0,0.14000042054357098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,woulditevergetbetter,2019/10/28,What does DAE mean? I lurk a lot in this sub and I can't seem to figure out what DAE mean.,-3.205151515151517,-1.6613481818181803,-0.3936363636363627,110.94621212121214,99.0,2.9333333333333336,7.333333333333332,3.1291,-2.770230303030304,68,0,21,0,3,23,18,22,0.096,0.904,0.0,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292670799327617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198822317544383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8197134408026915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425323675913923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anonforafriend,2019/10/28,"Can I help her I have a friend who has been diagnosed with BPD. 

She’s a single mom, with a young daughter.  She works hard but is perpetually broke - bills and rent etc are high in our city.  She’s an apprentice, so her wages will increase, but not soon. 

She lives an hour away, and I work most weekends so I can’t really visit her easily, especially as I have young kids too.  

She’s very much in a “life sucks and will always suck so there’s nothing I can do” mindset. 

She believes that she’s failing in raising her daughter well - she’s not able to really connect that much with her and she’s often angry and yells (never physically violent). 

She also won’t go to therapy.  She can only get 10 sessions through a mental health plan, annually, but says that not going to be enough - and even it it were enough she couldn’t go because she has not one to look after her daughter and won’t take her to a therapy session with her.  Also says she can’t afford any medication.  

She said to me that she knows she’s ruining her daughter, but when I asked about temporary care she said that Foster care isn’t an option - she said that she’ll suicide if she has to give up her daughter. 

I’ve offered to help with a budget.  Suggested journalling. Mindfulness.  Meditation.   Finding a support group.  Or an online space to ask for help.  I know she’s in a tough space but everything I suggested gets shot down.  

Is there actually anything I can do to help her? Or do I just let her use me as a venting board when she needs it?",1.904938377451508,4.222114109634557,3.5250133962061945,87.08399635623194,80.6611295681063,6.674568642160541,23.66316579144786,7.831003766801068,1.300916536276926,1181,42,240,21,31,391,156,301,0.10099999999999999,0.782,0.11699999999999999,0.5866,4,0,0,0,1,1,34.0,1,0,0,4,16,12,3,0,14,0,28,4,0,1,1,36,50,24,1,3,13,6,1,0,1,5,4,6,1,1,10,12,0,0,3,1,4,5,11,7,1,1,5,8,49,5,28,37,8,25,0,3,1,0,62,10,2,6,10,171,59,7,0.1102118026196307,0.0,0.10755082111310013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627267747298225,0.0917050486629613,0.0,0.0,0.0749478051050977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069492290178154,0.0,0.20606631589921293,0.0,0.10354761651183343,0.0,0.0,0.06718409192795884,0.0,0.0,0.12417096050965926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388079072523728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247365560046303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186265971870547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277565071559315,0.12291529309520062,0.0727938561980001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905126169646712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073159093918968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514936531172966,0.0,0.11516223608870965,0.10572520368101927,0.18790772178217252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872812734299273,0.0,0.0,0.11714999244843195,0.0,0.0,0.2954905925233827,0.11644482051549193,0.0,0.0,0.10853642510331166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113904886421488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269903525665438,0.07784585554047094,0.0,0.0,0.09731904088696043,0.0,0.0925501566487102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102679626957744,0.11106757494796472,0.0,0.11128250279255693,0.12907873120386076,0.0,0.0,0.16203671211593534,0.0817206551537759,0.08500213652237314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575119704228968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468236975893235,0.08382104222626015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120900578526013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31450998762035703,0.1752896980419587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055382396646933,0.1250670475438067,0.0,0.0,0.08286555954189209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520736026987753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951876114314808,0.0,0.09093627947490236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990936464604446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047100984665036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,YouTubemama,2019/10/28,I feel like I’m dying My FP is with somebody new...and she seems to bring out the best in him...it hurts really bad. I feel like I pushed our relationship off the edge with my issues...and now I’m just suffering regretting wishing it’d been different. I’m suffering so bad. I need help..what can I do to help me when I feel like I’m dying...I have a 2 year old son. I just want to be better.,-1.5807364341085304,0.3767353837209306,1.6119767441860482,96.27013565891473,96.32558139534883,5.657364341085271,15.306201550387595,7.1686216300943375,-0.08475658914728658,297,7,74,6,12,105,56,86,0.21,0.569,0.22,-0.27,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,2,6,11,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,19,2,1,4,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,3,12,5,8,16,1,9,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,1,7,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282126776777674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062611899287927,0.17382752278239402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398202514984065,0.20534703375355687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981362160960428,0.4212340104501285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634790957488279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104048125388582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880649532420303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573515955310712,0.0,0.1898237767740962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062402534311505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259113558850345,0.0,0.0,0.2110150981277188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892661227001574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592696139905825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601632512352346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265681299747255
bpd,ilysana,2019/10/28,"DAE have problems feeling superior to others? I have a problem getting along with people. There’s people where I just click with them and I’m fine, but most people just seem to annoy me. It’s like I can’t get along with people if I feel they’re dumber than me. It’s an issue that makes me very anti-social, and I get frustrated easily talking to people. 

I don’t know how to be nicer, I guess? I tend to make fun of people a lot, and I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be seen as rude or mean.",1.2853153153153158,2.4591632972973017,3.5713513513513497,91.42477477477478,78.18918918918921,6.014414414414415,18.63963963963964,6.42735559955562,-0.15277657657657695,390,7,91,3,9,135,66,111,0.16399999999999998,0.616,0.22,0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,5,10,3,0,3,0,9,0,0,3,0,28,25,8,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,4,14,5,15,21,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,6,2,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034434153386868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640207648055251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855640287183621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581553637305702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257439885156786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458998313438927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320813069130608,0.0,0.0,0.224880169751334,0.0,0.0,0.18348882480288511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7006821619004379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223632187719832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334837385305944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539180484457025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898691602942054,0.1987095244327839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,baby_amoeba,2019/10/28,"intrusive thoughts !?!?!? *how* do you stop an intrusive thought in its tracks and NOT let yourself think about or let yourself to spiral further and further into a breakdown? i want to avoid thinking bad things alltogether because every bad thought makes me so upset i cry or scream about it, and i don't like it at ALL.",4.5872881355932185,6.805739254237295,4.412000000000003,84.44783050847458,71.71186440677965,6.753898305084746,33.83389830508475,7.554174236665415,2.445587118644068,252,13,45,3,5,77,44,59,0.344,0.638,0.018000000000000002,-0.9735,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,18,11,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,5,1,7,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856879274774688,0.14079254046768624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537013605089643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459579043525269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472349421617725,0.0,0.1128365664004926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541692010842589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309491526547334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344116146106848,0.29598277094637165,0.0,0.5500750606430611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622761252586432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bem981,2019/10/28,"I am borderline free Let me share a short story 
I was a borderline and suicidal
So I started an intensive therapy and medications 
Psychotherapy 2 sessions per week and medications 
Started by cipralex 20mg, then lamor 400mg and seroquil 400mg XR then added lithium and ended up with fluanxol, depakin, aripal and solix
And now depression gone away ( still have sadness and grief) and suicidal behavior gone and borderline symptoms disappeared 
Like never existed before 
I just want to say
There is a way
Just fight no matter how far you are depressed there is a way go sale help you will find support 
You are not alone
Thank you all for listening 💙🖤",4.837662337662341,7.503577487394956,5.585393430099312,74.28647822765474,72.44537815126051,9.705423987776928,33.507257448433926,10.018931242160765,4.115060504201682,527,27,86,16,11,171,86,119,0.20600000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.131,-0.9212,0,1,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,8,10,1,0,5,0,9,3,0,1,2,20,18,14,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,5,0,0,3,2,9,6,6,13,1,19,0,4,0,0,9,4,0,0,10,53,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888637846459668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132761814350536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516985235295294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31412252542325164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161511549024847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666828391404848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363600015854538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222806546942278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864693551433601,0.0,0.08908897020019654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674050102890991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064267317850787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501524739196195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581422483848658,0.0,0.14562816751056834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39893143297810735,0.2069331973611601,0.0,0.1895356639616001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788709493335238,0.2085377307661061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755713418010976,0.2894882894140081,0.14627340705267206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pillforthis,2019/10/28,"I went out to lunch with a guy I’m dating. He seemed in a hurry to leave and didn’t try to kiss me goodbye. I proceeded to blow his phone up with random stuff I thought was funny. Like 8 unanswered texts of shitty memes and my reaction to each. Agggggh. I’m cringing so hard. 

Rationally, he’s probably just busy (you know like he said he would be) 

But I totally think he hates me all of the sudden and/or I said or did something wrong at lunch. (And you know, getting tipsy and blowing up his phone tonight probably didn’t help) 

FML.",1.2558333333333316,3.614478472222224,2.5607407407407408,92.73333333333336,83.72222222222223,5.822222222222222,22.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,0.8114666666666666,417,15,89,6,12,134,74,108,0.11800000000000001,0.784,0.098,-0.3027,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,2,20,18,7,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,8,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,8,3,12,3,14,8,3,10,0,0,0,1,15,5,0,3,6,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183147667821143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194161071490367,0.0,0.0,0.19174536107368648,0.21132852237456104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347215905461758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352708522860525,0.0,0.0,0.22664639444338935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091465139939116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615608479116125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407218170819323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948616629471015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478494849079808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503425601172754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715359905133953,0.0,0.16993055389531286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453248419430377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842505064932175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205387219621702,0.2340283699771605,0.0,0.0
bpd,simil8rity,2019/10/28,"How do you deal with very intense feelings of emptiness when alone? I'm not dx'd with bpd but there are a lot of bpd traits I identify with. For example, I feel irrational attachments and put people on pedestals who I hardly know and then feel deep resentment and abandonment when they don't reciprocate. Like, I'm sitting in a building in my college right now; I've been sitting here all night because I don't want to go home and be alone. There's this professor who I feel a strong attachment to because I see him around all the time, and he was the only one left in the building tonight when everyone else left but me. Then he left, and I feel inexplicably rejected. I wanted him to at least say goodnight or something, but I stepped out right when he left and we didn't even see each other, and now I feel really deeply alone and abandoned. Experiences like this always precipitate worse 'emptiness' than usual when I'm at home.

At home (I live alone), I have these insanely intense feelings of emptiness that I have no idea how to manage. Typically turn all the lights off, I binge-watch mindless TV shows for hours and stuff my face with snacks (and often masturbate, tbh) because it makes me feel slightly less empty (or at least, transports me somewhere else mentally so I don't realize how empty I feel). Online shopping also works. But this is a huge time suck and I'm falling behind in classes because of it. I'm also really sleep-deprived because once i start these emptiness-filling behaviors I can't stop. It feels like if I stop, I'll just get sucked into some huge void. Even when I'm exhausted and it's 4am and my eyes are closing, I feel afraid of stopping because I know how empty I'll feel the moment I turn off the TV and become aware of myself again. 

It isn't a time management thing; if I block websites and try to do something more mindful I get completely overwhelmed with the feelings of emptiness, it feels like my stomach is sucking me up from the inside out (that's the only way I can describe it). It can lead to suicidal impulses. My body will do anything to avoid my mind feeling that empty.

I have to stop this cycle, escape this feeling, and be able to freaking turn off the channel and be responsible and go to bed at a reasonable hour, but I don't know how to face this huge emptiness and this fear of the feeling. 

Is this something anyone here identifies with? How do you manage or fill up the 'emptiness' and how do you function alongside it without your efforts to fill it up totally consuming you?

And fwiw I've been in therapy for years and somehow this has never changed.",6.096111785372084,6.577660748514853,6.231740657936765,79.39893644203131,66.26732673267327,9.129990418396678,34.31012456084318,9.023248300946321,2.9379696582561485,2078,91,388,33,31,662,233,505,0.17800000000000002,0.73,0.09300000000000001,-0.9940000000000001,0,6,3,0,0,0,51.0,1,5,1,4,29,18,4,4,18,0,30,7,5,10,5,102,72,51,1,4,13,0,18,4,0,1,1,1,4,0,29,36,1,8,23,5,1,9,11,13,0,1,4,23,47,5,54,64,11,71,0,4,3,0,16,32,3,9,31,256,76,8,0.06438534787274637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667352111648581,0.0,0.1029778788640996,0.05357376723280459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045019732266528015,0.0,0.05298365531209459,0.05731661009318793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354922627601985,0.07110855822557302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151760684894397,0.16218218345954288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811116085690172,0.0,0.06750681226206916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637846650566365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757139280058167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505183007454227,0.0,0.0,0.061522959065875786,0.0,0.06298122479916793,0.0,0.07245141654905866,0.5534378296110023,0.09199381077018164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727737371255206,0.0,0.07318335391401151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767662512282652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937512607302454,0.0,0.12681319642795294,0.0,0.0,0.07268322073685228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615351010564343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27981947541089713,0.0,0.0,0.12582171496432867,0.0,0.05685344176589036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473812031958048,0.0,0.0,0.04297771966547808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488528706029255,0.0,0.1300216943039536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965794951025376,0.0,0.0,0.0604212873954924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856829417403916,0.04362917802447288,0.09793591674423167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044636693343625376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472505796451976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249380505667565,0.06619886097772877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996947057552288,0.0,0.05120181286704554,0.0,0.0,0.1026135725109771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443184620096858,0.0,0.0,0.1487009591278032,0.0,0.0,0.04557228061389672,0.0,0.0,0.21531613522659904,0.0,0.0,0.07370581925477712,0.07042712040795912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363025653119241,0.0,0.04277476419440615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263084235355116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371342484036166,0.21009830930244625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091136438839828,0.053124654974130686,0.07595229268437524,0.05110609225012691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062065177752830686,0.0,0.04687330007715155,0.0,0.06561417007648378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414620530734988
bpd,LittleRobot_,2019/10/28,"Can't tell if it's real or imagined love I just wanted to vent and see if anyone could relate to this. 

Basically I really liked this girl. Girl didn't seem to like me back. I got depressed and I projected my feelings of this desperation for love onto a woman I could never have. I liked her out of necessity to keep myself afloat, but after a while I genuinely began to care for her. I think I truly began liking her because of my vivid imagination in which I built her up to be this woman who loved me back. Reality and illusion were completely confused, and I ended up liking her for about 2 years now. Tbh I don't know if I loved her or if I loved the fantasy I created with her. 

Anyway, turns out she's now engaged and my fantasy world crumbled. I have had to face reality, and my feelings have been so overpowering that I feel like I have to vomit often and my heart feels overwhelming pain. It's actually kinda scary. 

I've been working out and journaling to help, but I still feel hurt and empty. I have to see her every day, so I can't avoid her. 

Has anyone else been through something similar, where they became so in love in reality through fantasy?",4.020611153552326,5.312096021645028,5.8514031066972265,77.31307104660048,71.46753246753245,9.071657754010696,27.441049146931487,9.478462496947786,2.4613252355487645,915,32,176,21,17,316,125,231,0.10400000000000001,0.67,0.226,0.9879,1,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,13,20,0,3,3,0,18,10,2,0,1,42,41,21,0,7,9,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,9,13,0,2,10,3,0,0,5,6,0,0,9,8,40,14,30,29,0,24,0,3,3,6,24,11,0,10,19,131,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.1119633522294822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604486714262564,0.11755803640015555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644596946256833,0.0,0.06994048088984546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116978456874479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029589909093928,0.0,0.0,0.18321073862241785,0.0,0.0,0.07399362028589729,0.0,0.0988198013744564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584512273498016,0.0,0.10161983240654758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666792798092072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290063542230274,0.08196564025597447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176286657524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595975809974312,0.07690345119820781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282459211394288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198041262113562,0.0,0.0,0.0630545348531816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33631797635560307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6213088168480637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848955361953785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208454065794955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059184921633216,0.07350122244108243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828555008081332,0.10444907559486354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832745898552377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162632681963788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028214211679458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351659848715282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479710895401985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767279501374754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352735949448174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388461675941534
bpd,Neuronuttyy,2019/10/28,I feel like this dude hates me So there is this guy that sits at my lab table I think he hates me. He most likely doesn’t it’s probably just my bpd. I think this dude is hella interesting and I like him kind of a lot. In lecture he sits about 4 rows ahead of me. I want to sit next to him. I’m so awkward how do I go about this.,-2.13657894736842,-0.3522520263157887,0.7266315789473694,103.38942105263159,95.57894736842104,4.092631578947368,12.86315789473684,5.6839178017228535,-1.3812536842105259,250,4,69,2,10,86,51,76,0.105,0.7709999999999999,0.124,0.0968,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,12,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,13,5,9,12,2,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,5,41,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169162845886221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723052772741655,0.17976288204127813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300582296666592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491509878474219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968605261831707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620315322396877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687977579578956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139248756799948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676089178968955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27129722384615546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32246574493045044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841653928974444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DameSopster,2019/10/28,"Is this something everyone goes.though or should I seek help? So I went on a total of dates with a guy over a year ago now. They were very intimate and intense (at least for me). I had only previously had fwb relationships but this was the first time I had wanted something more. I had my own issues at the time (as did he) and rationally knew it would never work out. Nevertheless when it was revealed he'd been seeing other people it hurt so bad (like grief). I was a wreck and didn't know how to respond. Eventually ended up blocking and deleting every part of them from my contacts. Seeing their face made me so sad. Thought about walking round the area they lived to bump into them hoping it was all a huge mistake and that I was the one they wanted. Felt like offing myself or ending up in hospital for them to find me there. Self harmed in the process. 
After our second date, they didn't reply to one of my messages for an entire day. I was so screwed up by this that I walked about 10 miles and took an impulsive 2 hour train trip to try and distract myself (didn't work). By the end of the day had self harmed several times only to receive a response confirming that they wanted to see me again. It was like a rush of relief, was overwhelmed with happiness.
I recently learned about borderline personality. When I read about it I felt like it was the first time I'd ever heard myself described. I want to know whether  the types of reactions listed above are normal or suggest I should look further into help (cus I think I'm just melodramatic-am still only a 20 year old). I really want this to be everyone's experience but am worried because I can't even imagine trying to form another relationship because it hurts so bad. Thoughts?",4.8557790927021705,6.122212304733727,5.472914201183431,80.9084640039448,69.44378698224854,8.236883629191325,28.87623274161736,8.59863814320734,2.1231061143984227,1381,50,262,22,24,446,192,338,0.153,0.743,0.10400000000000001,-0.9807,0,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,9,4,19,19,1,2,19,0,29,2,1,2,4,49,52,22,1,11,7,0,3,4,0,3,0,1,0,4,16,12,0,1,12,1,0,7,5,12,0,5,29,8,38,7,43,18,7,50,0,5,5,1,26,16,1,4,31,185,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480685228270388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031972025903968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976311122106387,0.11664069678794454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340017280697195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542091770438794,0.0,0.0,0.06319000424922562,0.08654018579768694,0.08060721297083973,0.18283609142285928,0.0,0.0935849083833432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837189400227081,0.0,0.08744185281468203,0.1627559510302155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472964775417872,0.0,0.10184389863639534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825293762684148,0.0,0.0,0.09502320722058838,0.09421697821336808,0.0,0.20483625254777726,0.0,0.0,0.09985600139599968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515691038067566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869606967015888,0.0,0.08447952792129378,0.0,0.08033981296431397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905265157712418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378761956822373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373758019099736,0.0,0.0,0.1003909561943568,0.0,0.1296587242080693,0.21828704884289746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360271594464056,0.0,0.06632644681679413,0.08353650599529097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569720954379032,0.0,0.0612894970925078,0.0,0.09446388615794807,0.20543038635820535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287129651642041,0.0,0.19961210281023706,0.10808135930596174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473049116977962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640323935715299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130231851369821,0.09399658568448377,0.15190468222711778,0.22314686313595072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629435619776603,0.129909091855624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893885812008566,0.282147115074286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868827169054608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929972010970276,0.09715886897502653,0.0,0.06796216044702195,0.0,0.0,0.1232183861346552
bpd,throwawaylife7392658,2019/10/28,"Undiagnosed bpd can’t get it together Couldn’t sleep last night because of the latest incident of clinging too hard and pushing away someone I love. Massive anxiety over their understandable reaction. Ended up reading BPD survival guide, half for some coping techniques, half to find out more about a disorder I only recently really became aware of. Cannot stop crying hysterically, multiple triggers on every page. Every single thing rings so true and I just can’t see a way out. The worst part is all I want is love and validation and yet I can never get out of my own way. My head feels so tense. Every time I read anything about suicide rates in BPD community I start thinking about how easy it could be. Just like any other stupid impulsive decision I’ve ever made. 

I want to stop feeling like this. Sometimes crying helps. It isn’t now. The back of my head feels like it’s burning up with heat and anxiety. I have to pretend to have my shit together but it’s getting harder and harder.",3.813428401663693,6.379893090909093,4.86808377896613,78.66460932857994,75.31016042780749,7.791919191919192,28.035947712418302,8.680891452615391,2.5142682115270354,796,33,137,17,18,260,121,187,0.10099999999999999,0.759,0.141,0.5503,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,1,14,9,2,0,5,0,12,6,4,3,4,34,27,10,1,4,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,2,7,3,0,1,6,3,0,2,1,6,14,6,23,23,8,26,0,0,1,2,4,9,1,1,17,89,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694056390776446,0.0,0.17310691985072424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310637585515716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063008048675133,0.08699935448898251,0.0,0.06897042430154701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274958543700361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903348262595561,0.0,0.24856274944763865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967074331895576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002103913121546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234358157946256,0.2859815056045817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716242610359544,0.16165759556346718,0.0,0.0,0.10340990505751793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733636174773887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013531721265947,0.0,0.2322330415218515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758368199919511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222597961985146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582666600489004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042304741360198,0.10705786874086214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726222613490964,0.0,0.0,0.1061762738104826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604972816990925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252195801753885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263456007540396,0.0,0.07248177927784112,0.0,0.111714255639805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015967088124408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613882443488242,0.0,0.0,0.1132238924266832,0.0,0.09586500406826202,0.0,0.11190051152626364,0.0,0.08008261911000304,0.0,0.0,0.1891838614757802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375918393087985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516663863112118,0.07249694206208372,0.0,0.0,0.06597411647851394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778500215129413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346838129754515,0.17961399625980398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GoodAmphibian,2019/10/28,"DAE feel literally nothing when someone who abandoned you apologizes and tries to make up for what they’ve done? One of my closest friends dropped me about a month ago (meaning ceasing all communication with no explanation) so i went thru the typical mourning procedure which resulted in me concluding i must have never meant anything to her at all and that’s fine because i’m never going to make any friends ever again because i can’t be hurt like this again :) anyway in a turn of events, she texted an apology to me tonight and i explained my side of how she deeply hurt me and now she’s going off a multi paragraph long lament about “how much our friendship meant to her” and that she “really wants to fix this” but i literally just feel Nothing?? just slight guilt and embarrassment for her because i can tell she’s pouring her heart out to me but i’m also like, well it sucks to suck because you’re dead to me :’)

dae ever get like this/this overwhelming uncomfortableness of others trying to repair relationship ties?",6.1193028846153865,7.369002677083337,6.149166666666666,77.28173076923079,66.5,9.032692307692308,32.99839743589744,9.265573868473778,2.9498320512820517,822,35,148,15,13,260,121,192,0.142,0.736,0.121,-0.8551,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,1,16,16,2,3,5,0,6,1,1,6,7,33,24,13,2,2,4,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,9,1,1,4,2,25,7,26,18,3,25,0,5,0,0,19,8,2,0,16,100,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314425185653071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858058584426252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083644004858648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202296175414787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615638722661703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174335931235358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268258039820622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995106724701765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291236910378157,0.0,0.07747091391760108,0.0,0.16854347898589078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757141786326069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174766213301643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732841320352767,0.0,0.0,0.13122437710242862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979579782531165,0.0,0.0,0.1615219200082624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835680262254113,0.0,0.10900389400354328,0.0,0.2287275212775257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845600141503222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047931744395723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499286487588812,0.0,0.0,0.1591987359862999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563835309389107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960448356081775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134668082142174,0.1612875883428111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874602143885095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133322790794107,0.1374583478154524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,consumedmydoom,2019/10/28,"Do I have BPD? I know you guys aren’t medical professionals and can’t diagnose me through reddit, but can you at least tell me if I seem like I have BPD?

Some days I’m super happy and can’t stop talking. I love to be around my parents and I love to give them hugs and just spread happiness. This really annoys them and they tell me to leave them alone but it hard to stop. It’s like an impulse. 

Some days I’m so angry or sad and I don’t know why. I’ll wake up in a terrible mood and I’ll hate myself to the point where I wanna die. I don’t wanna talk to anyone or go anywhere. I yell at my parents and then feel even worse afterwards. I feel evil and I punish myself even more for it. 

One day I completely didn’t talk to anyone because my dad yelled at me for something small the day before. I just cried the whole day. I almost committed suicide that day. I felt like nothing. I was just alive and I didn’t know why. I felt like my family secretly hated me and everything I did. 

my mood improves and I feel normal again when exercising and eating healthy but if I stop or if I feel like I’m not doing anything to better myself it starts all over again.


I think about suicide a lot when I’m feeling angry or sad but I remember how my family will feel and I don’t do it. Also I know it’s wrong but sometimes I feel like people would be better off without me. I think my parents secretly wish I moved out so I could stop annoying them. Especially my mom. I randomly cry sometimes because I’m so unhappy with myself. This year has just been all around terrible and I don’t want to go to a psychiatrist. I just want to be alone, but at the same time I don’t want to be alone :( 

Also I know BPD have a favorite person, I don’t know if I have a FP? I mean I had a crush on a guy once for like 6 months and I did everything to try to impress him. But in a way where it wasn’t obvious. I talked about him constantly and when we wouldn’t talk I would get depressed and didn’t wanna talk or be around anyone. I don’t know if that’s normal or not. I also thought about him a lot.He had a girlfriend too and that made me feel even worse about myself. In no way was I obsessed with him, I pretty sure he had no clue I liked him. I’m very closed off and shy. Sometime I would also hate him if he did something that made me sad. Like flirt unintentionally with girls. And then he would talk to me and I wouldn’t hate him anymore. I would try to find reasons to hate him or like him. But these feelings come and go and I don’t really consider that a FP more of a normal but crazy crush that I had on a guy. I need someone’s input idk I hope I’m just a normal teen with typical mood swings",0.7137114126780375,2.6190816707317097,2.8303997799376504,92.7061064245981,82.46689895470385,6.0489760987835455,20.000489027446662,7.2039019648360325,0.3455103368176542,2085,57,479,29,57,705,214,574,0.253,0.585,0.162,-0.9968,4,3,2,0,0,3,44.0,1,2,5,3,32,42,9,1,19,0,48,8,1,4,5,133,100,59,3,27,31,5,12,10,1,8,3,2,0,5,16,35,1,4,28,1,0,5,22,17,0,1,19,14,94,22,51,67,10,52,0,4,0,3,45,22,0,20,33,316,110,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315490381410897,0.16493377298821554,0.0,0.16980165481921236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264401981804492,0.11135049278587388,0.0,0.04368274259288938,0.14176523176343794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471774384116917,0.0,0.045169678331169666,0.0,0.0,0.09389510613305832,0.0,0.0,0.20056834125972747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572625873530132,0.0556564602034419,0.05736380787058979,0.0,0.04238241394776618,0.0,0.1166182498521194,0.20540465704341634,0.0,0.04572026464802177,0.05387807403000948,0.05509171848653977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054317107167241814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518235798330168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954150602867474,0.0,0.10008375673490301,0.0,0.241562997657368,0.07584493618535801,0.10193590767703327,0.0,0.04851685207047479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027733648998922316,0.05092199993356019,0.09050478658784636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576813902783398,0.0,0.11301556875502924,0.047551894145964814,0.2620421028625691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527233440233013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042109968299725,0.0,0.0,0.056207176521965135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593364668315004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025844690609794,0.09581886470574456,0.10045673628249988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057822891309965714,0.0,0.053475484703916686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217010620871535,0.04237030202147287,0.05641877211441555,0.0,0.039360332743990346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804007075235606,0.05093451950216635,0.0,0.0,0.05653160633774435,0.03597037882638021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682699279741826,0.0,0.0,0.03680103182843696,0.046349981998292586,0.0,0.0,0.05018054303747268,0.0,0.0,0.05400444097568954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801259049743544,0.05457811068336192,0.0,0.0,0.060132631285823836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832472148312555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497700890962377,0.08173169231949694,0.1575011763518343,0.0,0.037572383251054234,0.0,0.0,0.17751888305547447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612825707164992,0.0,0.05003004953373207,0.0,0.0,0.2986624355427887,0.09279367117278016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802681835229453,0.0,0.04214193066130969,0.03095309339939898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207967339766562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379899074349596,0.09392909278705436,0.08426954537359561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957982066639498,0.05926521485766426,0.06104276956717492,0.05117006684021565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819211641831876,0.1885430133660433,0.05803786967252896,0.0,0.03418367760989356
bpd,Ushirodori,2019/08/13,"Forgiving yourself for long ago bad deeds Back in the mid 90s I lost my temper and hit someone. I've been afraid ever since that I will lose it again, so try to avoid triggers like bad traffic. I haven't done anything violent in all this time, so I feel like this fear can be set aside a bit. 

My question is more about feeling guilty. I know that it's not a healthy emotion, but how do you forgive yourself? 

I'm not religious,  so can't take that path. 

I heard someone recently say that ""you can't judge a person's life on their worst moment. "" 


I'm trying to remember this...",1.9633100233100225,3.982042316239319,2.980404040404044,92.63909090909094,78.82905982905983,5.9639471639471635,25.166278166278172,6.980632752743323,0.9317760683760684,449,17,96,5,11,143,85,117,0.196,0.7070000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.8946,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,2,8,14,2,3,4,0,10,1,0,2,2,16,19,6,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,9,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,4,4,11,4,7,12,4,13,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,1,10,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670453444731242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507438462330614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490276563864926,0.3146878256848539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573340670410456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928449181019536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197554282680506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045951781293828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205329776232693,0.19056716164446655,0.13462532464311042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356458143095087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310445344869673,0.1841296613588715,0.0,0.0,0.16676811670688738,0.0,0.21082203293254465,0.20571025172533552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645431241044958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110180833298414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606695070962634,0.0,0.21347173366232766,0.0,0.0,0.14985922687259895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588385859103007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31933809851912603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168737610969875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988394102985784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558839104990487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdshitposting,2019/08/13,"Jealously in relationships All my romantic relationships have been toxic, and I know it’s due to my BPD. Like I’m so sure that they’re going to leave me that any interaction they have with another person aggravates me and genuinely upsets me where I’ll just cry for days and compare myself to that other person. It’s like it’s so hard to trust people when they say they won’t leave you or that they will never cheat on you. And I’ve been cheated on in the past so it makes me even more suspicious and anxious. Uggghhhhhhh",5.0650137362637375,6.0098336057692325,6.315824175824176,76.24346153846155,68.71153846153845,9.78901098901099,27.357142857142854,9.957137785484203,2.5126719780219777,421,13,82,10,7,142,67,104,0.201,0.662,0.13699999999999998,-0.6821,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,4,0,7,8,3,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,3,13,10,10,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,9,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,14,4,10,6,2,11,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,7,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610621026480116,0.20987063531028508,0.0,0.22610812195419214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520770045822657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198510910374504,0.12907767584242505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219461041957606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374764013169025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929159153296484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099950614489003,0.0,0.0,0.4238516389384495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556254788938326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335990748916334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436500975909895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191062097996978,0.1387561039381996,0.34951970638601104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297640143503985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591642107830693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863532918040588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shookknasty,2019/08/13,"need info does anyone have any links or anything about the effects that smoking weed can have on those who are borderline? 

i used to smoke regularly and it became a trigger for me emotionally and made me feel the need to lash out really badly to the people around me, even when i’d come down off there high. 

i have since stopped because it made me feel so awful. but i was wondering if anyone had any links to articles or things that talked about why this was?",9.026333333333334,6.860931522222228,8.393888888888894,74.95750000000002,61.55555555555557,11.666666666666668,34.72222222222222,10.125756701596842,3.1462222222222227,367,11,72,6,4,116,65,90,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.664,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,1,8,0,0,5,0,23,17,8,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,7,0,12,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,4,2,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801396586208592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28804453736931845,0.0,0.1694995917807212,0.18336111307957345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198023426471526,0.12556023856241438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742892797566334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024980957961112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316937646660205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604431775158576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082939499261006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762353294825426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897963996948989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054551951848237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279689190222153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319526389712215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703843639977422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220403542250584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555462638066076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684040911789308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789596996174284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858600898093315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233707282347406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blaire_evan,2019/08/13,"I probably have BPD 
I have diagnosed depression and GAD, but I also suspect that I have BPD. I have a history of out of control emotions and inconsistent relationships, particularly romantic ones, along with a really intense self loathing and fear of being abandoned/unloved. My conflict style is really unhealthy and I can’t handle not being in a “right” place with people close to me. Etc, etc., the description goes on.

I’m currently looking for a good therapist, but it seems surprisingly difficult to find anyone who specializes in BPD. I know I probably don’t “need” a diagnosis, but it helps me to have a category to contextualize these behaviors and symptoms. I guess I’m looking for resources other than Google which might help me understand BPD better and how it applies to/doesn’t apply to me. Tips on finding the right therapist to help me with all 3 disorders would also be a plus. 

P.S. I’m 26f, married, and currently taking antidepressants and anti anxiety medication but not in therapy (working on it).",6.320363062352013,8.483705381215472,7.575899763220207,63.774378453038686,67.0110497237569,11.580268350434096,37.7904498816101,11.35114627814755,5.371298026835044,818,45,124,29,14,278,110,181,0.157,0.7070000000000001,0.136,-0.6435,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,9,0,13,3,0,2,1,35,24,16,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,15,0,2,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,2,15,4,24,19,3,13,0,1,2,0,6,11,0,3,2,91,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712871074333786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472117051011865,0.0,0.0,0.0774368944315124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979467432880148,0.0,0.0,0.5579280012096509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242122048342532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538624980505203,0.11240589852237294,0.0,0.0,0.12692568459276551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457549626694216,0.0,0.0,0.2470244136381194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462119191442428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244154783339827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928893496790965,0.0,0.0,0.12200033306628932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226941879512525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086366830526355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599921622898866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156597586831203,0.0,0.11748509164250255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211751529506249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504504986420531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677804234282452,0.0,0.11570706915724445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388080467854365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418947592937388,0.0,0.0,0.11890085824949866,0.0,0.18915470738988516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081993161315664,0.11553329943964423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510856259192265,0.0832679796840912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266488740585051,0.257171662224291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529155806595832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062515272730023,0.0,0.0,0.07867150862045072,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway758368,2019/08/13,"Does anyone else feel abysmal all the time? Like, this agitated kind of depression? It doesn't seem to dissipate. Whether I'm alone, or with other people I feel like I'm unable to connect with anything. Time seems to move slow?

It's kind of hard to explain.

I think to myself ""How did I let it get this bad?"". Am I getting slower? Am I becoming more boring? It's it okay to feel this way at such a young age? I have these fears that seem way bigger than me. 

Is anyone else struggling everyday? I try to pretend like some days are good, but every day for the past while has been hard as hell admittedly.",1.4410362364907847,3.7623003636363666,2.765619834710744,91.81248569612207,82.55371900826447,5.70654799745709,20.87794024157661,7.010146845296331,0.4659568976478074,468,14,99,6,13,151,83,121,0.18899999999999997,0.742,0.069,-0.9324,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,13,1,2,3,1,10,0,0,1,1,17,23,6,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,9,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,5,9,7,15,20,3,15,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,5,13,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805730032753653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991361445657652,0.2929466695643455,0.11763901635236343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936067443232187,0.0,0.15788153525114867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438709335003595,0.0,0.12312612810713308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510006704958945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23883955839161344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044496668566022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086306854372565,0.21684561411647535,0.1021264137568786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937519919484196,0.0,0.0,0.11990308867107766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561175293024566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977293240404809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461802185532562,0.0,0.2095204081850925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193754927897696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364658321785623,0.09910635019867203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904200398146835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944662908672154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159919365785753,0.0,0.0,0.1667153317045095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705642748357636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269405682376805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DisenchantedKitty,2019/08/13,"Coping with BPD on your wedding day Hey all, just curious those of you who are married how did you deal with emotions on your wedding day? I’m getting married soon and I’m super nervous that my intense emotions are going to ruin the day. How did you keep calm and not cry all day? How did you handle standing in front of a large crowd and speaking? How did you keep from getting overwhelmed and overstimulated?",4.708776371308017,6.364606734177215,4.929810126582279,83.16956751054853,70.26582278481013,6.279324894514768,32.154008438818565,6.42735559955562,1.8368464135021088,328,15,59,2,6,103,50,79,0.067,0.769,0.16399999999999998,0.7659,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,7,0,1,6,5,0,2,2,0,6,0,0,4,2,16,13,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,1,8,2,9,9,2,11,0,2,0,0,14,3,0,0,5,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28059747859278494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447254636066929,0.5747270830042129,0.22968774913541726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012197999908411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23279821528356465,0.0,0.1266172655047379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960537735743292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Peanut2808,2019/08/13,"Vent I’m pretty new to reddit, so I have literally no idea if anyone is going to see this, but from what I’m getting, anyone who has joined the BPD page will? 
Anyway I just wanted to vent. I’ve had a bad day at work. I’ve been there since the end of May, and I just feel like nobody really wants me there. It’s a big place, with different sections, and I mostly work in 2 of the 5 sections but I do spent a little time in all of them, enough for everyone to know my name and for me to know theirs. Everyone goes out for a drink on Saturday nights, I’m yet to be invited despite them knowing that 1. I do drink and 2. I’m doing nothing but working so I’m never busy, and there was 5 birthdays in August (including mine) and everyone is celebrating together. I told them that mine is also a close date (the dates are actually 27th, 28th, 29th and 30th, pretty unusual) and they have spoke about how weird it is that we all have birthdays one after the other and I’ve heard someone say “hers is the 28th” so they do know it’s my birthday, but it hasn’t been written on the calendar like everyone else’s has, and I haven’t been invited for the celebration (they literally planned it in front of me). I just feel like everyone hates me. I feel like no matter what I do, I’m never good enough for anyone. I work really hard there and I’m never given any positive feedback, he managers only speak to me when they want to tell me off, tell me I’ve done something wrong/not good enough or if they want something drone me. I’m working 50-60+ hours a week, sometimes without a day off, and sometimes working 10hour shifts with no breaks. I don’t complain about it. But I’m never thanked, never shown that it is appreciated. Nobody else works as long hours, I’m just a temporary employee for summer whilst it’s busy. 
I have BPD but I feel like I’m quite an introvert and I tend to have a good front on when it comes to people. I’m quiet but I’ll chat with people, I’m friendly and polite and I’ll have a joke and a laugh. So I don’t see what I’ve done for people to dislike me so much, I feel like I’ve had a pretty friendly face on whilst at work (when I come home I literally wanna die, pretty much drained from faking being a happy nice person lmao) 
Anyway, just feel really shit that I’m not included, feel like I’m spoken about behind me back because everyone goes quiet when I go into a room, and feel like despite me doing my best I’m not appreciated.",2.2414649331624257,3.87152174015748,4.115867057315512,86.59580571323936,76.6771653543307,7.087786119758286,23.03442592931697,7.900780265707199,1.0848796374290417,1916,57,406,30,43,650,214,508,0.113,0.722,0.165,0.9841,2,0,4,0,0,1,57.0,1,0,9,11,27,25,2,0,23,0,37,4,2,1,7,74,85,39,1,7,18,0,9,8,2,2,0,6,2,1,20,26,2,0,13,4,1,6,15,6,0,1,14,17,48,19,49,67,12,57,0,0,2,0,26,21,1,5,37,250,68,10,0.0,0.0,0.059748690910778265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896318602381024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163643936252838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843396368362844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047079760841135215,0.051121962743643175,0.0373233928033301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425392792018597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422645146841754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054832270045045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897266131814558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354392867371808,0.06396915246140154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253128963226173,0.0,0.11995824307513325,0.0,0.0,0.10229455441563674,0.0,0.0542289225533309,0.1897914819450971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510299636433373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766556676410106,0.30618391868478595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460761073891594,0.0,0.03198856492886541,0.0,0.069593396388888,0.1540628333672696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517724838937328,0.054847339181289805,0.060448957306998785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141564334739232,0.0,0.12059246501222134,0.0,0.0,0.06911779689004333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459496660099474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392992399372867,0.061365509137314624,0.0,0.05418394201023183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001773606389077,0.0,0.23611007007051266,0.05913338943982133,0.0,0.05745736399266555,0.0,0.058748929298085624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04148897963799359,0.046565869901909016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273412160230639,0.053461028826813965,0.06396915246140154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24915936113059686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512241948493469,0.0,0.0,0.11767069493048445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048690144248824084,0.0,0.0,0.09757993648428688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284860515209098,0.05064758252965703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187741324149469,0.09427102602365356,0.12111007838165863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703014145068362,0.056369568144280915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03570193875297063,0.0,0.0,0.058504993940556214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444530136631675,0.0,0.04911258241632552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902061447436027,0.0,0.3565917086726962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694208044620685,0.0,0.0
bpd,frozenfish66,2019/08/13,My friend has split if me I want to reach out to them to let them know I care and I understand they need time. Should I reach out or just keep giving them space.,-0.2335714285714268,1.8172604285714336,0.633928571428573,106.10232142857143,87.57142857142857,4.642857142857143,11.607142857142858,5.985473137389443,-1.571714285714286,125,1,33,1,4,38,26,35,0.0,0.67,0.33,0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,10,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,5,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849243354361964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916843030624369,0.0,0.0,0.3621680823918506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355724088395277,0.0,0.0,0.207484570861138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860573644242761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799390489532078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201449765363216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930295382337085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268122134426754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UglyWaffle27,2019/08/13,FP What is this acronym? TIA!,-3.16,-9.034990333333333,-1.043333333333333,106.10500000000002,202.33333333333331,0.8,18.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.1039333333333323,22,1,5,0,3,7,6,6,0.0,0.536,0.46399999999999997,0.6514,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spinebreakers,2019/08/13,"I hate exams I got my exam results that determine if I get into college and I just barely passed. I did fucking terrible. This year was so hard for me mentally, I thought my bpd wasn’t as bad but it just got worse. I feel useless. I don’t know what I’m going to if I don’t get into college, I have no skills or talent except writing and it’s not like I’ll become a published author overnight. My parents are mad and disappointed. I don’t know. Just needed to let it out.",-0.5257714285714279,1.6948284800000053,2.299714285714288,91.297,94.2,4.457142857142856,21.142857142857142,6.1826913282559595,0.3911857142857143,368,14,77,4,14,128,67,100,0.289,0.675,0.036000000000000004,-0.9758,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,3,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,22,22,9,0,3,9,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,6,2,15,2,8,15,0,6,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,3,2,52,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824693515237254,0.0,0.2622264881591172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29903900087288593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200534391646172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195033122147196,0.2480982582328101,0.0,0.13493884820234922,0.0,0.3797942904253643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269365083807154,0.2344162836502061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609743267232155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427916937124775,0.0,0.11599794480640895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392769785184265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605382540226336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636416441467299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188495563566934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196487486148466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152899297083771
bpd,shittycommittee,2019/08/13,"I’m addicted to self harm See title. It has nothing to do with controlling my pain or externalizing my pain or anything like that. It’s because it feels good, so good that it’s like I’m using drugs.  I am consumed by an incredibly powerful desire to do it that doesn’t go away until I do. Some days it’s all I want to do and can’t think of anything else and it’s driving me insane. I don’t want to live this way.",-0.3830909090909103,1.7504364888888908,2.547575757575757,91.37045454545456,89.66666666666666,5.494949494949495,20.404040404040398,6.980632752743323,0.4645555555555556,324,11,74,5,11,114,55,90,0.132,0.6679999999999999,0.2,0.5678,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,2,1,14,18,6,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,11,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,2,7,4,10,18,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,4,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093709475114667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335555717319643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041244714707364,0.0,0.0,0.1235440059781062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273084279282335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070353750269753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350295370306897,0.0,0.16930238776585105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247459422467467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518040475058805,0.33997515904344955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802585261441336,0.0,0.17895879551389346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944645844673167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43130424695349545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149946924549607,0.0,0.21142602455234225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986091841849948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503933592408386,0.0,0.0,0.2390766573338628,0.1608677404292483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gallopsaway11,2019/08/13,"Feeling A Bit Lost... I've been feeling a bit lost lately. I'm married to a very wonderful man who has supported me through my major depression and now probably a BPD diagnosis. I realized that I let people treat me very poorly and am always trying to please them, no matter what. I have a hard time cutting ties with people who treat me like crap. I think it is because my self-esteem is so shitty. I am starting DBT soon, but what is it about having BPD that makes it SO hard to let people go out of your life? This person has treated me like crap on REPEAT and I keep making excuses for them...I WANT to forget them but I can't because it hurts to think about losing them, even though I realize that if they lost me, it would mean nothing to them. It's like a vicious cycle I can't talk myself out of. And it breaks my heart. Anyone have any insight?",2.39793103448276,4.154205000000001,3.9891724137931055,87.12306896551728,76.58620689655173,6.479080459770112,23.09425287356321,7.3011,0.9079108045977012,666,20,135,8,15,222,102,174,0.16399999999999998,0.688,0.14800000000000002,-0.5847,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,5,4,8,17,4,0,6,0,16,4,3,2,0,26,33,10,0,3,3,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,15,7,0,1,9,0,1,1,3,10,0,0,4,4,24,7,16,26,3,11,0,6,0,0,12,3,2,2,9,91,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209509296753118,0.0,0.0,0.0834392788780869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579373802763139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495918973127259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679102600999109,0.0,0.309069269406172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568015397945253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104129079429387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408023242452874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973246149611495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198277518315994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453984724837139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135142579248418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906018387804113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840940393081666,0.0,0.0,0.2509353334333132,0.08666567407592868,0.17983306499796894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726838675010175,0.4018201608177612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380458240736545,0.0,0.0,0.13365478315180146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773264886582994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551913515925084,0.10713571481341704,0.0,0.13468625481540894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228988039364434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800143521198726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684672492415715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923695622350993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862051455434208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572406610842702,0.12055078528057485,0.0,0.07154656040973716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330431857838712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247844676977575,0.07237083355564584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306143498664275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716158945127872,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beescanfly,2019/08/13,"my fp and I aren’t talking and I split on him hey, i’m new to this subreddit (and reddit as a whole) but i really need to rant.

basically, i’ve known my fp for around 2 years now, and he’s one of my closest friends. we used to talk constantly and just text each other random things and memes and be free to vent to each other about anything at any time. but the past few months (since may), he’s stop responding to my messages as often, and as the months went forward he started ignoring me for days, almost a week at a time. i know he has a boyfriend now and he is probably just hanging out with him and living his life, but i hate that boyfriend with all of my heart. it’s irrational but i can’t stand it when my fp talks about him like he’s the light of his life. anyways, in retaliation i started ignoring him back, blocking him at times or just leaving him on read. recently, i ignored him for a week, then apologized and said i was dealing with issues i couldn’t talk about with him (which is true, i can’t really talk to him about him being my fp). he responded, and we talked for maybe 10 minutes, then the next day i texted him good morning and he didn’t respond. it’s been a week since he last texted me. i got so worried that maybe he got injured or died or something horrible happened, so i asked a friend to check up on him and she said “yep he is GOOD, he’s thriving. don’t fuss about it, he is really enjoying himself.” and that was the last straw. i feel like such a bitch for splitting on him while he’s out having fun, but also does it really take that much effort to send me one text saying “hey i’m busy, i’ll talk to you soon” or “hey i don’t have time to talk, sorry!” it’s been a whole week and he can’t just send me one text. i deleted our text conversations and his number off my phone. i hate him and i wish i had never met him. i know that i’m probably overreacting but i still hate him so much. i want him to text me so i can yell at him and make him feel as shitty as i feel (which is horrible), but something’s telling me he’s not even going to text me anyways. 

i don’t even know if that was coherent at all but i’m just really struggling. sorry if this was really long or hard to read. thanks for listening.",2.060364971625681,3.3775152262156425,3.6340297095805054,91.17851090464006,76.44186046511628,7.177678869478135,23.229609435851785,7.85451343220497,0.896052008456659,1734,51,401,26,38,576,201,473,0.146,0.7390000000000001,0.115,-0.9528,2,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,3,1,0,1,28,19,4,1,14,1,28,4,1,2,4,77,60,48,1,6,21,0,4,2,2,1,3,5,0,0,19,30,0,5,7,2,2,6,11,8,0,3,14,10,69,12,52,42,9,57,0,0,0,0,74,17,1,11,37,255,88,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751950031806354,0.0,0.0,0.0600520133516766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106595823439543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061795313931869565,0.06684887808053143,0.07020201503212004,0.0,0.0,0.05774204369075864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114908325988594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685781700538246,0.07741780275203544,0.0,0.0,0.07793489686877107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571457460228927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919671470338556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390815066779865,0.053646604625961984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603365639851974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267720208302739,0.12596924448325136,0.1201178007548836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640467809605767,0.0,0.06726876684897637,0.2224169964877011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898581606927312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837780199248234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238077939943626,0.12242197832184767,0.0,0.07951286737578217,0.0,0.0,0.10608111077238427,0.07337349914674589,0.0,0.06630868069286422,0.06645512829705567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012530115486119,0.0,0.15088244643521434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987736847050648,0.0,0.11040430018928334,0.05568066412509668,0.0579165133308306,0.07252549069096917,0.07986248134083489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265530870213245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168496645015228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192636364668206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022706369167246,0.0,0.28863980132462064,0.0,0.0741454861122113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286167882301312,0.059717135055377416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423575952847778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562084441759438,0.0,0.16812140249280938,0.1063027218691783,0.0,0.05996953495234857,0.0627812864766963,0.0,0.07850372815777196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646074887319481,0.4828566253210254,0.06563477589369622,0.06913573918948948,0.0,0.0,0.04988859236277796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514981983660485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485642352001635,0.0,0.0,0.04429192118427532,0.0,0.2409409758234509,0.0,0.0,0.06961215851264367,0.0,0.1676777757065652,0.08635348617713337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626080043140235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835756557082672
bpd,CottoncandyRen,2019/08/13,"i have myself convinced my boyfriend is ashamed of me and it’s probably my bpd but it feels super real (all of this sounds silly putting it in words but it really hurts so please don’t laugh at me)

me and my boyfriend just got back together after being split up for about two months.
the first time we were together it was a DREAM. but he ended up dumping me for bpd related issues. 
the only issue i had with him the first time was that he seemed kind of ashamed of me. like he never talked about me or posted any pictures of me on social media and he didn’t have any pictures of us. but i told myself he just wasn’t the type to be cute in public and let it go. 

while we were broken up he got back with his ex. they were together a week and in that week he posted a picture of them on instagram captioned how much he loves her. 

since we’ve been back together he still hasn’t posted anything about me/even have any pictures of us but he still has that picture of him and his ex kissing on his phone. and it took me being a drama queen before he deleted the picture of his ex off instagram 

so he clearly is the type to post cute stuff.

just not with me. 

whiiiiiich i do understand. 

let’s be really honest for a second : i’m very ugly. 

which is fine. looks aren’t everything. but i think my boyfriend is ashamed of me. because he’s very pretty and i’m very not. 

so i got very in my head and decided my bf is very ashamed of me and doesn’t want to be seen with me (so logical.)

i panicked and deleted all the pictures of us on the internet. 
i love my boyfriend and i think he loves me 
and i bet this is all just my brain blowing things way out of proportion. as always. 

but there’s this piece of me that’s like BUT WHAT IF THIS IS THE TIME YOU’RE RIGHT 

which is also probably my bpd. 

and typing this out feels silly. and reading it feels silly. but i can’t stop believing it. 

and how could i ever talk to him about this? it sounds fucking crazy

i’m just so tired of fighting battles that don’t exist.",0.8686570743405255,3.0592903980815365,2.5405467625899303,93.3530743405276,83.86810551558753,5.529208633093528,20.77745803357314,6.841164205622888,0.3592787529976018,1564,48,343,19,45,513,175,417,0.11199999999999999,0.727,0.161,0.9724,1,0,0,0,2,0,33.0,5,0,2,4,24,26,4,4,14,0,36,8,2,2,6,65,59,37,0,3,18,3,3,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,26,24,0,1,9,3,1,3,11,9,0,4,15,7,52,17,48,36,5,43,0,1,2,5,43,16,1,4,21,236,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543856529286485,0.06808822445595787,0.0,0.0,0.16693943411661968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673382366356719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876418717586607,0.0,0.04988215586551604,0.0,0.0696303919506327,0.09219318187340184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091820161394857,0.09134814768402973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533374166095157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247614335272587,0.0,0.0,0.05404723613462288,0.07401895145463676,0.0,0.0,0.07354256540249561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412549619630894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920729112394342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564952667460519,0.0,0.0,0.04650526633756909,0.0,0.1963382102154197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398008923120412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759956136983987,0.0,0.0,0.1708162849814957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521223781557809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735124882223046,0.0,0.07995496315106046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687156915699515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215614108476496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653150707691888,0.0,0.06015367848068795,0.0,0.06311151496186801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062234588176376074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982359173638607,0.0,0.0,0.31347797911460595,0.08324943925087051,0.17645085199851576,0.0,0.0,0.08226067536864529,0.0,0.0,0.0818510734900149,0.0931392363120116,0.10484341507135267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988145861865197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449398406393433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768973601270582,0.0,0.0,0.08341428858319498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069737747443694,0.06841264905168484,0.0,0.0,0.09367454678558744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154198768541422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436350467689387,0.1048653477294334,0.0,0.0,0.14314532038613806,0.09405031684601314,0.0,0.07819104876214554,0.09091495146194388,0.0,0.0,0.07993497383444986,0.08518680137798151,0.2952903802842741,0.0,0.0,0.3375871829495917,0.04826482268612737,0.0649519953501199,0.1312764626709161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KerfuffleNut,2019/08/13,"My girlfriend is sleep talking about our relationship. This is the second time that it’s happened now. She’s asleep and I’m just on my phone. We haven’t been intimate in a while for a few reasons. Mainly due to my low self esteem about my weight. She’s been asleep for over half an hour and has even been snoring. I turn around to get comfortable and she says “are we even in a relationship anymore?” I’m like wtf, dude you were just asleep and she said no I wasn’t and then immediately falls back asleep. Now I’m laying here upset as fuck while she is happily sleeping.

The first time it happened she had been working for the whole weekend. She then randomly says to me (after being asleep for a few hours) “we haven’t spent any time together the last few days” this particular time she said it quiet aggressively.  This all probably doesn’t seem like a big deal but it’s really upsetting me.",2.1753857655502387,4.6915598579545446,3.174904306220097,88.7988038277512,81.10227272727272,6.659808612440193,21.76315789473684,7.85451343220497,1.0302772727272729,709,22,145,13,19,226,103,176,0.09300000000000001,0.861,0.047,-0.7839,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,4,1,0,2,11,8,2,2,10,0,16,9,7,1,1,16,28,11,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,1,8,9,1,0,2,1,1,1,5,5,0,3,10,6,21,3,16,17,6,27,0,1,0,1,24,7,1,2,21,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986229318614097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563465737765302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072666200447838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291774590317287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947053972312051,0.1513947761591852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939846376982169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490960623021315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575944926639935,0.07672249352823338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597160089514703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892331880791885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970145978157112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348591776644942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832796015329767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407517082372832,0.1509851351998489,0.0,0.31532154130524154,0.0,0.0,0.2793738793699726,0.2335602916433584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336857306943941,0.1531954377273901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29390992129311644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803158981015872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425151170127627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972944331052075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882240876561062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395156164063354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690775407439082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Joseph7428364,2019/08/13,"how to tell if you're a FP? How do you tell , and what's the difference  between a bestfriend, romantic relationship,  and a FP?",3.2832000000000012,4.8812295200000015,5.333000000000002,79.09150000000002,73.8,9.8,32.5,10.125756701596842,3.515000000000001,98,5,20,3,2,34,18,25,0.0,0.861,0.139,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453823773197417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663503839499011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7593163387354701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lunapip,2019/08/13,"Attention starved 24/7 Anyone else get super wound up and lonely and just desperately want affection and then get only a little and just feel worse because my brain is yelling “not enough!”?

I’m away from my gf/fp for a few days and stressed and sad and we talked for a bit on the phone and it just got worse and I feel awful and empty.",3.7251470588235303,4.937785926470589,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,72.08823529411767,7.2047058823529415,23.894117647058824,7.554174236665415,0.8467141176470596,265,7,57,3,5,83,49,68,0.303,0.595,0.102,-0.9422,0,2,0,0,1,0,5.0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,1,1,2,1,1,0,20,8,11,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,1,6,7,3,6,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,33,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638557513233505,0.2401086927952347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016984119850744,0.0,0.0,0.14285129246943315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558382346143189,0.0,0.0,0.2616005811082701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112970568475956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957607309155809,0.0,0.0,0.2421355300182963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23697836433877115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448656191793524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874228476012148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486992030713946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822588464834493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26843530906505697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883533563136354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382196134447283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776243035693871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mina091,2019/08/13,"Someone found me on Facebook Hi! Just want to give a heads up to be careful about your personal information. I thought I barely shared anything about myself and someone I talked up here managed to find my Facebook. I don't know who was it anymore, I deleted the conversation but please be careful!
If you read it, I know you meant no harm but don't do such a thing please. I appreciate how you wanted to help but it's just not the way. You may made things worst than they were to begin with...",3.3427551020408166,5.06331791836735,3.997704081632652,88.2196173469388,73.89795918367345,6.53265306122449,27.556122448979593,7.1686216300943375,1.2788122448979589,388,15,80,4,8,123,67,98,0.12300000000000001,0.696,0.18100000000000002,0.3155,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,1,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,8,1,1,2,0,21,20,6,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,16,3,12,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,1,59,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121192438123927,0.0,0.0,0.15866305996970315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931575056451896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762213577416726,0.0,0.0,0.2114020272618475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495725885468653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787476773475526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292339198876469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192247106743148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824378716521502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683509215968239,0.0,0.4232865793463513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285835849837493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32672810534781443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497030605052006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561837206810364,0.0,0.0,0.15306657217174938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744416363939754,0.15304057320575434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Triazolam-,2019/08/13,"My BPD doesn’t come out unless I’m in love Sure. I get angry fast (I don’t get vocal or physical though), I have self doubt, low self esteem and I don’t feel loved sometimes.
But it’s not bad at all (my mood is pretty stable during the day). Not like it’s for most for you and I’m sorry you have to go through that.
But when I fall in love? I go batshit crazy. 
The whole Programm.  This is literally the thing that reminds me I have BPD. I’ve done horrible things while in love and I will regret them for the rest of my life. I guess sometimes I just feel lonely and like my diagnosis is a misdiagnosis because of this.",0.19468193384224008,2.3558317251908387,2.3182900763358774,93.99662086514,86.70992366412214,5.020050890585242,17.89363867684478,6.42735559955562,-0.2339469720101781,480,12,110,5,15,161,81,131,0.168,0.648,0.184,0.7529,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,0,3,13,0,1,5,0,11,5,0,0,2,21,25,11,0,1,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,1,2,18,7,13,23,4,14,0,3,0,4,9,6,0,4,6,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566724783870445,0.0917478086105101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37911716725656297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296486492241507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970647102510116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402114819543386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152201952396319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726762828252638,0.0,0.17107345106829003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580067885522262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630770544472158,0.14706045737921106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433545941820453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311995816526724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31402372429702324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977109918895927,0.16848051839792547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185128025044774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998062777957404,0.0,0.14787258634265574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680359440022008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teachmehowtopuppy,2019/08/13,"Divorce too late I'm currently going through a divorce. It's not finalized yet, but there won't be a reconciliation. The thing that angers me was the timing. On a Wednesday, I came home from the psychiatrist with a new diagnosis of BPD. On Thursday, my husband at the time went to therapy where we saw the same therapist for individual therapy and couples therapy. And on Friday, he wanted a divorce. That timeline is just stupid.",4.016867088607594,6.8064175696202565,5.8865664556962045,70.4473180379747,75.83544303797468,9.013291139240506,33.925632911392405,9.516144504307137,3.9854670886075962,344,19,57,10,8,118,62,79,0.11699999999999999,0.883,0.0,-0.8765,1,0,0,0,3,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,10,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,1,4,0,10,4,1,17,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,9,42,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519937453167755,0.0,0.0,0.2288382084985393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138470514837286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191778509900564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371007008445687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069654512303867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22569894542153676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323850268664847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6864267226945537,0.2323082914380846,0.13292425597512292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23333650423185764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801236295296325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547615675000045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,isbutadream,2019/08/13,"i am having a difficult time i know what i think will help but i cant motivate to do those things. Recently i have been extremely angry. I noticed when I dont eat it makes it worse. It starts in my body I get a physical rage build up and then everything irritates me. 

i live with my mother and shes miserable herself and rages over littlest things and usually i deal with it but now i am not. It makes me think of the past and i get even more angry or depressed and i go lay down in my bed. last week or so ive been in bed about 20 hours a day. reading reddit or books. i got angry at this subreddit, i really was hoping someone would answer my question about what handbooks on dbt etc worked for them. only one person answered. i noticed on weekend posts get alot more attention. i wanted to suggest to people to wait until then but i know how we are when were desperate, we just reach then. i got mad a post about a girl and a cat got so much attention (i hope it comes back, u know how we are i apologize) . other night i started upvoting all posts with no upvotes without even reading it. that feeling of being so desperate and not even a support group gives a crap. horrific. but thats how everything is we shohld be used to it. then i get mad at myself because people have been very kind to me on here. 

i feel so trapped by my mother . shes the cause of my problems. and anger i get keeps me from making right choices. i feel its too late and i feel like a hostage i cant kill myself because of her. i read in astrology my 12th house is cancer and it talks all about this prison, they suggest forgiveness and self care. seems all ive done is forgive her but i was foolish to care. and now im trapped for good. i have about 75 cent in small coins to my name. im too messed up to look for work at the moment and i know i cant take the rejection, going into workforce at 16 in late 90s i put in 22 applications and not one interview. i suffered from cystic acne. ive always had trouble finding work. 

about 6 months ago i put myself out there on dating sites found someone i talked to for 6 months but she wouldnt meet me. we never even talked on phone. so confusing because it wasnt a catfish. i know because shed send a picture and she was in a local news article picture she told me shed be in it b4 it was published . she had her issues and i tried being patient she seemed like a kind person. i dont wanna put too much details out there. i hadnt had a girlfriend in 10 yrs. whole thing makes it look like im the jerk. but i know im not. i stuck by her for 6 months . i had to move on and i had a right to tell her why. and to her im an asshole i didnt name call i didnt type in caps.  i feel foolish for wasting so much time all she did was whine i did the whole listen dont try and help. yeh, yep, sure, ah that really stinks. makes u feel like a sociopath doing that after awhile. and BPD in me just about every few dsys i get angry that she doesnt come running back. i have taken this extremely well for me, i am growing i think. the old me woulda been rly destroyed right after, i most likely would have called her names, or ghosted her to really hurt her and i woulda gotten drunk for a week or a month. i didnt have one drink. but theres still that nagging was it my fault? i know it wasnt she needs serious help. 

i just feel so doomed right now. 

thanks for listening, i am open to suggestions and it would be appreciated but if none its ok, really just needed to vent.",0.2065801579999373,2.418310630286495,2.2224735873600032,94.30940694501729,87.30832196452933,5.264691138678258,19.573733303721568,6.7210904114959815,0.18636395190202748,2704,81,604,34,86,900,313,733,0.20600000000000002,0.677,0.11699999999999999,-0.998,0,2,1,0,0,1,67.0,5,0,2,4,41,44,10,2,27,3,65,6,2,11,6,126,127,55,2,12,24,2,7,5,1,5,1,2,2,4,34,37,3,2,29,7,2,11,22,25,2,3,33,12,110,19,77,84,16,91,1,7,2,0,63,37,1,14,45,408,144,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049633328050060564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465896402015735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610843391042529,0.0,0.13652825949405986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219423690499092,0.07051967749114113,0.0,0.1143477201380296,0.0,0.11417468762137392,0.05751897409268272,0.0,0.0964639084704062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036110061236241234,0.0577250589489518,0.04822563168550529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729902328694519,0.1968658214086388,0.05485062084693446,0.0,0.05729356172007335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062445627193579524,0.14792815089665498,0.0,0.0471754833117269,0.0,0.10064358966561797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817785809928234,0.0800010670507785,0.0,0.0,0.051175465770014916,0.0,0.0,0.061392088612265125,0.0,0.0,0.17552034121591373,0.05371241029313364,0.06364282938666363,0.046963242336139695,0.13434520645598794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259031473183027,0.0,0.0,0.11122492792508057,0.055140617316641334,0.0646069879686141,0.0599403506060934,0.0,0.30240361316360725,0.058440863463880235,0.0,0.04976806014380431,0.061946600498639925,0.11661362981103013,0.2154012973255669,0.04564076778251213,0.12632231662106952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677375916695764,0.0,0.04944176101306587,0.0,0.09403797417326264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868747149325579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787683947520266,0.05951039315027206,0.12348118604689913,0.08303437981139257,0.04318430680405806,0.0,0.0,0.05254448558824064,0.0,0.0,0.12749400840748334,0.05875394650238641,0.0,0.11382442255466035,0.04258426613996909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345048253749202,0.07763529018336722,0.09777971224303376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608739217547761,0.0,0.0,0.05357656451377595,0.0,0.16886158945043275,0.06272359961901097,0.0,0.1680207742740748,0.0,0.14347905308760436,0.0,0.05528512053403059,0.0,0.0,0.19126667142921852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019456137225432,0.058411630162363073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488329442927038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926252965337499,0.0,0.044715101917233525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353880000166705,0.05277158302988393,0.0,0.042098844724980836,0.13501219762957864,0.04893927718021217,0.051549701468215726,0.0,0.0,0.11159533722154892,0.10763180107936472,0.0,0.0,0.06529850574130687,0.0,0.0,0.05350253818365342,0.0,0.07602947638313244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048358914071772674,0.06166702704892455,0.04619907631886561,0.03302539816989832,0.0,0.08982644519874983,0.0,0.05034332789922714,0.0,0.05052386579861428,0.12502562902866826,0.0,0.05397407070489694,0.0,0.12228803191112955,0.0,0.0570603997793231,0.11932484629473188,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flyingthroughanger,2019/08/13,Is this all in my head or am I getting abused I get so angry when my husband says it's all in my head. He seems to use my illnesses to say I'm sick and it's all in my head. He lies then tells me the truth and sorry. later then the next day say he never said sorry or anything like that again and again. This is making my bipolar disorder worse and other disorders as well. Or is it really all in my head,1.4915248796147689,2.5506836741573053,3.687672552166937,91.26932584269665,77.42696629213485,6.8834670947030485,20.579454253611555,7.447530270364453,0.4217274478330649,313,7,74,4,7,108,53,89,0.23800000000000002,0.696,0.067,-0.9493,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,4,7,4,2,6,16,11,12,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,10,3,7,10,4,13,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,4,10,49,17,0,0.0,0.1779945185441469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362408253631932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688403538950073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34434648599246365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569748925716114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6167052777872165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339336057501472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027773908485016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586438143384678,0.0,0.15976819853556712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623931101950188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290034996476467,0.3583997991040785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676108693200534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33633382234787895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313050850632622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974795893243246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507218195794085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153094223667798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marissa5077,2019/08/13,"Do you wish you had someone to talk to at home that only wants to listen and help you? Hi guys. I’ve had BPD for years now and I wanted to share a website I would use during my very dark times. 
 7cupsoftea.com is a free site where all kinds of different people are willing to support and listen to your problems and help you get through them. It is not therapy, but more like a caring friend to talk to. There is a place for everyone there with amazing ways to seek help, learn skills, and possibly help others in need. Check out 7cupsoftea next time you’re lonely and need a friend.",3.7988888888888894,5.403073739130434,4.066376811594203,88.66729468599036,72.47826086956522,7.1980676328502415,24.082125603864736,7.793537801064563,1.064314009661835,460,13,94,6,9,143,80,115,0.037000000000000005,0.6629999999999999,0.3,0.9883,1,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,1,1,4,11,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,1,20,20,7,0,7,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,9,10,17,16,2,12,0,1,0,0,19,6,0,0,6,57,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203234237565446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452291341603106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859263510790168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541916801439843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24934121810290735,0.0,0.08430682988854263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977724565204124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326396562557857,0.0,0.1618627846450146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803736905462385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883504761277024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23930099332640825,0.0,0.0,0.1716140729880379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272575781884235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187054145682164,0.0,0.16859263510790168,0.0,0.0,0.1819153907104944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440502038173726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672449085897295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831156924361198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593990029778539,0.0,0.0,0.18453554797032287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881870777155004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936800876754266,0.0,0.13314346273168934,0.19035514217142369,0.12808444764828136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556239714526213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114629443497622,0.0,0.0,0.10391411145839724
bpd,NerdyPrincess83,2019/08/13,"Bpd + abuse I have bpd.  My husband is very emotionally and verbally abusive.  Just yesterday he made fun of me. I'm terrified that the only way put of this marriage is suicide or a full on permanent mental ward breakdown because I'm too weak to leave him willingly.  

I feel like I am nothing.  Hes so cruel to me.  Yet he expects me to treat him like a king.  He revels in pointing out my flaws, yet according to him he has none. 

I'm losing myself.  Bad.  I'm scared.  I'm alone.  I'm going to break.",-0.2832732316227471,1.9844500000000025,2.630742024965325,89.3053640776699,92.68932038834951,5.661303744798889,22.89112343966713,7.1686216300943375,1.1451142857142855,382,16,80,7,14,134,71,103,0.28,0.612,0.10800000000000001,-0.9722,0,1,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,1,1,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,7,16,3,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,1,13,4,10,14,2,12,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,5,43,15,0,0.0,0.44304520573094375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936390488934308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610771924938704,0.11397194889394867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709510021630516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103101284921172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945349725665564,0.13356762269088174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062563505197063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796862714362606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826830219334976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091656813033345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769105245964816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841644818713915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939767702303325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219508319160934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674207866619926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879511686378063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718428607580748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450904179533447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426546224711749,0.0,0.14840388042894134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,crimewav3,2019/08/13,"I’ll take being off the wall Mania basically vs wanting to die and non stop crying. Got my Wellbutrin XL bumped up to 300mg. I just got off 40mg Vyvanse, and holy hell that was hard. I’m glad to be off. I got bumped up on the 7th and i guess it’s kicked in now. I feel like i’m on vyvanse, but slightly different ? Is there a bump above this? I have heard that the difference in the Mg makes a difference. It’s cool, usually i only have tried antipsychotics and this is the first antidepressant ig that’s kinda worked. Cool.",0.8281804281345586,3.058751504587157,2.567178899082567,92.8356001529052,84.41284403669724,6.2021406727828765,20.09250764525994,7.492282038375204,0.5542837920489294,410,12,92,7,12,135,69,109,0.10099999999999999,0.81,0.08900000000000001,0.1261,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,7,2,7,0,0,1,0,13,18,5,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,5,7,4,12,11,0,14,1,0,0,0,1,10,1,2,5,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135868011701312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018014150860036,0.6094554943957545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831635941512107,0.13891031056738967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539334568743494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665421359991665,0.0,0.21420118305913888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418297690278242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499515975851756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979239225395514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788286838806405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162563279877692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619713988473595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201421638480726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415179059290732,0.0,0.11468767819010325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155701598886414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wubbaflubbaflame,2019/08/13,"Was just diagnosed. Fuck this. I’d rather be bipolar because then the meds would work. At least this has triggers, but then again, everything is a trigger. Like being diagnosed.

Fuck fuck fuck.",2.5983333333333327,5.4372407941176455,2.23764705882353,89.11274509803923,96.94117647058823,5.79607843137255,26.25490196078432,7.1686216300943375,1.9495254901960792,153,7,26,3,6,45,28,34,0.353,0.578,0.07,-0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,4,0,2,0,6,7,0,2,0,6,10,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,4,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,0,4,18,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315230516307791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379762514470162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390787063353634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7978529740769591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540764091076216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396566355391919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707317244040245,0.0,0.0,0.15326710116733136,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,milovsflo,2019/08/13,"Yes, I know it might seem like I’m overreacting, but to me it feels real. I don’t know if this is allowed, I guess I just need to vent. But if it’s not, let me know and I’ll delete this post. 

This is just something I wish I could tell my FP: 

Yes, I know you’re busy. I know you have a life and can’t talk to me 24/7. But I *need* attention or I’m going to die. And yes, to you it might seem like I’m just overreacting, but to me, it feels like I’m *literally* going to die if I don’t get attention in the next 5 minutes. 

Rant over. 

(Yes I am in therapy + medication, but this is one thing I can never get over).",-1.2773860911270989,0.3802215971223042,1.946302158273383,97.61350599520384,88.42446043165468,5.7210551558753,16.460911270983214,7.0316486544052195,-0.3587068585131896,458,10,125,7,15,164,67,139,0.1,0.7509999999999999,0.15,0.6059,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,13,2,0,1,1,37,34,12,2,7,13,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,11,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,19,3,11,30,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,9,5,73,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345987024414433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209640878057449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563716518172461,0.11046805865824497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157610611908327,0.0,0.17576015093399225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703429267287043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249043887827072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812016072804205,0.10922009369502936,0.2266339518842773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577395876801514,0.0,0.3280770446175737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22931310988224235,0.11926057271507133,0.0,0.16445128885347682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478162730444664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809327325353952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600335963296446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28153959570325743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904211191268467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428613698245013,0.13515387085535574,0.0,0.1768334506291771,0.0,0.10272963192980084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781744143678796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,janelane27,2019/05/26,"Counselor vs Psychologist? I’m pretty naive to therapy, but after close to a decade of impulsive behavior and mood swings that have disrupted my life, I know I need to seek help before it gets any worse. The last therapist I saw was a licensed professional counselor who I hadn’t picked out, but it felt unprofessional to the point where I felt unsafe and didn’t see her again after the first and only session. 

Before I could even say hi, this therapist was teary eyed and asking why I was there, and when I explained that I felt depressed and had intense mood swings, she jumped to bipolar disorder and had me sit at a computer and literally take the first “bipolar disorder test” that popped up on google. When I got a little over half of the answers “correct” she tried to send me to a nurse practitioner in another room to get prescribed mood stabilizers. Now, I’m open to any diagnosis and treatment that is made with some thought and accuracy, but a google test within 10 minutes of meeting a stranger and an attempt to get prescribed a likely inaccurate medication with very serious side effects terrified me. The whole time I was speaking I felt intensely shy because of how shocked and weepy she seemed by the few issues I forced myself to bring up with this complete stranger, and I’ve been scared to try and find a therapist ever since.

I’ve been looking for therapists on Psychology Today, but it doesn’t seem like there are many in my area who are covered by my insurance, who specialize in dbt therapy, and who are psychologists instead of counselors. I could try a different LPC who specializes in dbt therapy this time, but I am so, so scared of seeing someone who isn’t well educated or qualified again. There are a few psychologists covered by my insurance, but none who really specialize in dbt, but I’d feel safer talking with someone who spent a longer time in school. There are also a few counselor/social workers who I’m unsure about? I don’t know the difference between therapist qualifications, but I feel like my issues are too severe for someone who’s a counselor based on that experience. If someone could guide me in the right direction of what level of schooling and qualifications a good therapist should have?

Lastly, many of the counselors and psychologists who are covered by my insurance work at a chain called Thriveworks, the same place that the first therapist I felt so uneasy with was employed. I don’t know if anyone else has any experience with Thriveworks, but I can’t believe that woman is even allowed to work as a counselor, and I’m nervous to work with anyone else employed there.

Thanks to anyone who responds to this, I’m filled with so much dread at the thought of wasting more time with someone unqualified or unsuited for me, but I really need to see someone ASAP and I don’t know who to look for :(",12.9461004784689,8.702945196969697,11.696379585326955,60.701411483253615,56.31060606060606,15.130940988835725,47.8652312599681,12.670367459663947,5.865055303030302,2296,106,396,53,19,736,242,528,0.138,0.8109999999999999,0.051,-0.9941,4,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,9,24,19,0,4,31,0,34,5,1,5,2,79,73,42,0,8,15,0,7,3,0,1,4,2,1,1,28,31,0,0,19,0,1,4,9,7,1,4,22,16,38,9,68,47,9,52,0,1,7,0,29,29,0,7,21,268,66,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918178662139931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546698709966925,0.06448845168256243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900736879657027,0.12602869874885694,0.0,0.0,0.05749450070029333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749002648535586,0.0,0.10466449146475454,0.0692898045449646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279870661797028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448191927793556,0.0,0.0,0.14730901237669267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297013866176981,0.0,0.0,0.12850949712212315,0.14096939813358209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275125775831734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124076752456666,0.05563056372170482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203182350770648,0.0,0.0,0.06219282305351126,0.04393584351994041,0.2952497763209824,0.0,0.056210181664309765,0.1569364316949804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639414235980356,0.0,0.0,0.05158355363335358,0.04918742700234135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122237058645498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838071925663191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519587807185268,0.10026194426379853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043439497390496455,0.0901378549350485,0.06163948103453249,0.0,0.0,0.1032895652650788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058193093274484124,0.0,0.12470335069273207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061955105937786366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045209814217183536,0.09120342147069256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677376746361715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425474856106157,0.0,0.058137684531816135,0.0,0.0,0.06256793894034059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879736430071609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052520940384208466,0.0,0.04890752582657345,0.12314510562865433,0.12448322180418722,0.14702338647957222,0.11197516976154788,0.0,0.0694778603787038,0.0,0.050873703268655535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126541480294136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624058959196165,0.04943163057705502,0.0,0.056621235208515364,0.21099293977738676,0.499846311445191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764877468620904,0.1434453332236184,0.0,0.05829511579738005,0.0,0.0,0.1252640483589577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074420786470528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055296176873480096,0.0,0.05549447635095725,0.06866291507710875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431890429657925,0.0,0.06267408394186377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princessriss315,2019/05/26,"DAE find themselves repeatedly self destructing? It’s like I can’t control myself I’ve been with my partner for a while and we got engaged recently. Now that we’ve started the actual work of planning (calling vendors, putting down deposits, shopping around) I feel like my little BPD heart can’t handle it. I start to feel trapped in a small smothering box like I’m about to make the worst mistake of my life because all I can think about is how someday he’ll definitely abandon me, cheat on me, and divorce me, or how no matter what it’s definitely gonna end with him leaving me or deserting me. I’ve been through so much actual tangible abandonment in my life that my brain feels incapable of realizing that not everybody *actually* disappears even when I think they will. 

My fiancé is an upstanding man whom I love very much and has never been anything but faithful to me, but I get so fucking freaked out and obsessive about the thought of him leaving me that I end up trying to dump him in order to protect my own heart. Every time I get in my own head I convince myself it’s necessary to end the relationship even though when I get over these horrible bumps I realize I’d be devastated if he decided to leave. But I somehow can never rewire myself to stop doing it?!?

DAE have this problem of spoiling their own happiness? He’s the first good thing that’s happened in my life and it’s like I just can’t let it rest because I feel like it’s bound to implode, and I’m scared that soon he might find the end of his rope with me.",5.5702188639916645,6.096157399339937,6.323863123154421,78.1276289734237,67.4158415841584,9.679277401424352,34.42921660587111,9.682069395223575,3.238099669966997,1224,56,236,25,19,403,168,303,0.162,0.713,0.125,-0.919,0,1,0,0,1,0,23.0,1,0,2,4,17,24,5,2,9,0,17,9,4,4,3,48,38,20,0,3,8,0,4,5,1,4,3,0,0,3,19,12,0,6,12,1,2,2,7,13,0,1,5,4,42,11,34,27,8,34,1,2,0,2,19,13,1,5,23,160,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.2939855084000017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826368803840201,0.08939484873945826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122429869075961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647513290675247,0.1121016279993897,0.10253977057579568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262926457171828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35576829380539904,0.0,0.0,0.1326525674174763,0.0,0.08460795247596634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310092837304425,0.14347974846028322,0.0,0.0,0.18356362550412064,0.08541696991140695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283642101797236,0.15739549068350406,0.0,0.0,0.08422730403072888,0.08031483053809423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880083442594558,0.10689866847167218,0.0,0.0,0.1030596127128464,0.0,0.0,0.2379957239637398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189899796075447,0.0,0.10268597621483476,0.21278827238177989,0.24530003517061175,0.1006469493415238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063272577704552,0.0,0.06703094866245192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106529462925909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764011003620825,0.0,0.15489977086793502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608811836126507,0.0,0.10094956343342062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915236734010484,0.1078132075624682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053766676685788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475967773694077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215520162716772,0.0,0.0,0.08395538966999291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671440562880386,0.1286898147278667,0.0986618735642542,0.07972204757530932,0.0585555513443861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817840404612911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285679296153539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310675846850559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lphilli009,2019/05/26,"Borderline Imposter? My spouse has just diagnosed me with BPD by reading several Quora entries and threads.  Even though I’ve been in therapy for years, I have never been diagnosed with BPD. I’m wondering if being around another specific individual (spouse) can bring out Borderline adaptations?",8.31625,11.377838125000006,8.265,57.18000000000001,63.58333333333334,13.966666666666667,43.25,12.602617957971056,7.507025,242,15,31,11,4,78,40,48,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,9,9,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,7,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,22,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372790111575513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144116549653976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.569994771249509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593479751971065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945876727508786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452454374482831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263457193905149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25563705714551904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587760278798381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232335622357985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24539586980959255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457197884073336
bpd,mrrshll,2019/05/26,"I just „cheated“ on my girlfriend for no reason at all I don’t know why, I just don’t feel anything I think. I’m in a long distance relation with my gf since November 2018 and for a long time I was so afraid to lose her but now she is just another girl that gets progressively less interesting once I’m with her. I just messaged a girl from my area and kinda flirted around and she even sent me some pics (nothing too explicit) but lewd I guess. 
I don’t know what to do, I feel bad but at the same time I couldn’t care less. I’m a piece of shit and I know it but I guess I got used to „manipulating“ people for my own benefit while telling myself im loyal and faithful. I can’t be alone and idk if that’s the only reason why I’m still with her.",0.4954629629629643,2.3283139012345657,2.7081327160493847,93.68034722222224,82.82716049382717,6.025308641975308,20.61882716049383,7.1686216300943375,0.32876419753086417,580,17,139,8,16,197,95,162,0.109,0.762,0.129,0.6391,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,1,1,6,0,9,1,1,3,2,36,26,13,0,2,9,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,10,0,0,8,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,2,25,6,16,21,7,14,1,1,0,0,12,6,1,5,7,89,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699713973461648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208661081368956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350508752192931,0.14609521204402515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702735749308498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732396704864952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839497598750558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659607550960664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574217981768413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125602160746974,0.0,0.3615775675019349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727001757929958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27057635723548706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904693792549604,0.0,0.18360027758428246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747068588961335,0.0,0.0,0.17477480717311164,0.0,0.12481520191277867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113775172125124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374706430087241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845946094251205,0.1357558283169559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310607174961177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434418464001751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515687444904967,0.0,0.0,0.19139102108546688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417407923459733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961726047052529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throw-away-102222293,2019/05/26,"lost fp My FP is my ex. We dated for about a year and then he randomly broke up with me and got with a new girl then next day. I lost my mind and immediately attempted suicide. i spent sometime in the hospital and when i got out we started talking again a few weeks later because that girl broke up with him.

 i am so obsessed with him it’s not even funny and i get so aggressive when he isn’t spending every second of the day with me. i say mean things and today he told me that he’s had enough and cut off contact with me.

 i cant breathe and have been crying for hours. i don’t know what to do and i’m scared about what i’ll do now that he’s gone. the only reasonable thing to do is kill my self because i love him so much and my life has no meaning without him. i know deep down he isn’t the best person but i am just really really obsessed with him. he’s the only thing that makes me happy :(",1.5231346153846168,2.8183730153846187,3.44415064102564,92.07699519230768,77.8205128205128,6.516025641025642,21.931089743589745,7.1686216300943375,0.4701858974358975,698,19,164,8,16,236,107,195,0.161,0.787,0.052000000000000005,-0.9216,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,2,0,0,4,11,13,3,3,8,0,15,3,1,2,0,32,31,18,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,10,20,0,0,5,0,2,1,7,10,0,1,9,1,28,3,21,22,4,25,0,4,0,1,24,7,0,1,17,111,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732432983683441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491231312312752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608802976744676,0.18328296679476816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682526544697808,0.0,0.09385441841065016,0.0,0.11972373135541114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424036351073798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272975746087121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126601095788386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993795062504558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721043295886178,0.0,0.1561867384390961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036805135803636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102336033857961,0.0,0.12824903328114384,0.0,0.09485154829200458,0.0,0.0,0.30957285644312865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434785176164898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044584129150234,0.0,0.0,0.1372391771058446,0.1511228826778805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614393245830896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407453171427668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206329221346887,0.14610045641738426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300206859736675,0.1422649320170499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482392511250012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053859971309465,0.0,0.10057772746137447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543219753020485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421302580620485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832108806547839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469233135174746,0.13578077125370036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139824802909159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369774443757469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915064819631556
bpd,JasonHackman,2019/05/26,"What is the best case scenario for treatment? I was only recently diagnosed earlier this year (at 46) and so far it’s been eye opening. Like the twist ending of a bad M.Night Shyamalan movie I’m now looking back, and back and wondering if many of the conflicts and impulsive choices were my responsibility or was it the bpd? Is there a difference?

I’m on meds (for bipolar 2)and therapy and dbt group. I’m doing what is recommended and I’ve seen some positive results less than 6 mos in. In order to achieve that I’ve had to make a lot of changes and do things completely opposite of the way I would normally do them (ie the boring way). But I wonder after all my symptoms have been alleviated will there will be anything left of me? 

What has been your experience after treatment?",4.9189818181818215,6.411244280000003,6.012181818181817,76.24609090909094,69.53333333333333,9.454545454545457,33.63636363636364,9.800150414767053,3.427,622,30,115,15,11,207,104,150,0.055,0.858,0.086,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,2,6,4,0,0,9,0,19,4,1,2,1,21,27,11,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,3,8,2,16,15,5,18,0,0,3,0,3,7,0,6,9,81,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445044824851216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27005232630958875,0.14661931919130022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428218834762936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116303934751874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576234487998292,0.0,0.18411408032702836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823109866432524,0.0,0.1834654438087168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555301729144936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177126119883548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907907648374335,0.0,0.0,0.08578967277367341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474604317699475,0.0,0.0,0.1492895064033776,0.0,0.0,0.1172148864035222,0.17803163261571525,0.0,0.0,0.19505288386401595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478943958736966,0.17205148404035225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335523085607179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338458885516195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251645016961626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008147994435924,0.0,0.11666135767580382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787674564520158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808631176840063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474175821130976,0.0,0.0,0.11308114713612293
bpd,startoutlikeasailor,2019/05/26,"how to prevent someone from becoming an fp when cutting contact isn’t an option i REALLY don’t want to have a fp again but this person seems to actively encourage it. I’ve been up front, i’ve told her that i am unhealthy, she just says she doesn’t care and tries to convince me she’s not like every other person that’s left me, that she won’t leave. I feel magnetized. I feel like I’m being pulled back into the worst patterns of my life. I can’t refuse her because I don’t want to hurt her. She’s there when I desperately need someone to talk to and I can’t bring myself to turn that down. She has been nothing but understanding of my mental issues and weird foibles. Regardless, I am 100% unwilling to consider letting myself get into an FP pattern with her. I just don’t know how to stop it. 

i can’t cut contact because we have entirely the same friend group, see each other every day, and i have responsibilities i cannot drop to things we do as a group.",4.341390081999219,4.960271994923862,5.534213197969546,82.3756735650137,70.16751269035532,8.498086684888715,28.35181569699337,8.617729084823388,1.9431393205778995,761,26,157,12,13,254,110,197,0.175,0.6970000000000001,0.128,-0.8662,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,0,9,11,2,0,7,0,21,1,0,2,0,31,36,11,0,4,5,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,2,10,10,0,3,5,0,0,3,11,5,0,0,3,4,31,6,20,30,3,15,0,1,1,0,24,5,0,2,8,108,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985116062566027,0.0,0.20588404815197306,0.18650444376560185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721749546290684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890764467200212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845617314316313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077222099666794,0.1206412767725083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046910008658288,0.0,0.08822798180260058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807795994201188,0.0,0.0,0.17625715865752906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280693187082108,0.0,0.0,0.17880971045491342,0.18347853239669346,0.17268175348966786,0.11927838429156536,0.16500340851107947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701819678773798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521549981454036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203601119838076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949027997329258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818290800804166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342927752559113,0.0,0.0,0.13456810081320425,0.15373356199159438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861672276711867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411834842256512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357318887722351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219020329417193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136321064190146,0.0,0.11465213454446176,0.1836828519207885,0.0,0.17580037603127632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920865298499646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grimsplit,2019/05/26,"Personality Test [TEST](https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test)

Hey everyone, I’m sure some of you have heard of the Myers Briggs personality test. It indicates whether you’re an introvert/extrovert, intuitive/sensor, feeler/thinker, and perceiver/judger. It goes over your weaknesses/strengths, how you form relationships/friendships with other people, and what some of your traits may be. I think it’d be interesting to see what personality types are the most common among us, and how that would correlate with bpd. Each type has their own set of coping mechanisms and ways of managing conflict. 

If you take the test and want to share your results feel free to comment below  :)",9.307544247787614,11.659878548672564,8.088661504424781,62.22909845132746,59.973451327433615,11.667699115044249,35.36393805309734,11.45678717892309,4.7505938053097365,568,24,83,17,8,174,81,113,0.021,0.846,0.133,0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,6,1,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,3,1,23,15,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,7,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,5,13,9,6,6,0,0,1,0,15,3,0,5,1,55,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076657775703249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334227920189736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351678076357125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935501388363608,0.6398952519664053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466185435673425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302337546643745,0.0,0.1836703492971974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130532540560492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938422667449433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408439132166728,0.19390040601640288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353157267506444,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway8-1340,2019/05/26,"Numbing myself to emotions Throwaway account. I broke up with my FP a year ago bc I said I need to be happy. We've been kind of talking back and forth. Then 6 months ago he's says that he needs space.

We text a little bit and then two days ago he sends me a meme saying it made him think of me. And yesterday he texts me ""I’m about to go out for the night… but I’ve been wanting to say this for a little while. I have no hard feelings. I’m glad we dated and I am glad that you have happiness in your life now. Have a great weekend.""

​

But I'm not happy. Like not at all. And I think he's moved on. And I'm so fucking sad and angry and confused and idek. Just this mix of emotions so I want to just numb myself to all of it. I haven't texted him back yet so what do I do.",-1.3152821316614445,0.6322470747126445,0.9899477533960308,102.05210031347963,92.6206896551724,3.6234064785788926,15.955067920585165,4.851557810540192,-1.1243816091954022,597,14,151,2,22,199,104,174,0.138,0.7120000000000001,0.149,0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,2,0,0,10,14,1,1,6,0,10,4,0,1,2,30,25,17,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,13,0,0,3,1,1,3,4,6,0,1,4,6,21,8,19,20,3,27,0,2,0,1,17,8,1,1,17,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518941807294329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433739988256161,0.1607892651743091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349939577053108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446454410160448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853386283909907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29769545593738106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690745700648378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233225909212933,0.0,0.0,0.07520330319086789,0.0,0.0,0.14588869479609992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42258702343389376,0.11853713977728775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779604463506506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346500645378937,0.06464727340574751,0.2652486717749736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252090416602186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562049111457797,0.14064045179064508,0.0,0.1962345074975678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417797633392745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258713039104803,0.31569026979715586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635776075799062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957693527155482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926222224363354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609733605529738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607892651743091,0.08521291199268759
bpd,bwtiles,2019/05/26,"Can unintentional self harm still be considered self harm? So today I got angry and was in a very heated discussion. I didn’t mean to hurt myself but scratched my face out of anger. 

I didn’t even realize I had done it until the person I was arguing with made me aware of the bleeding scratches. 

The definition of self harm usually includes the word „intentional“. This wasn’t really intentional, I just can’t control my anger and how I let it out. 

Another example: once again, I had been arguing a lot and was apparently hitting my chest while doing so. A few days later I realized that was where the big bruise on my chest that I couldn’t explain at first came from. 

Would these examples still be considered self harm? It’s not something I planned or that I „intentionally“ do like when I used to cut. These things just happen. 

If it’s not self harm, does anyone know what you would call this?",5.179108527131785,6.406445127906983,5.984883720930233,77.68317829457366,68.65116279069767,9.919379844961243,29.449612403100772,10.125756701596842,2.902521705426357,710,26,137,18,12,233,108,172,0.242,0.74,0.018000000000000002,-0.9919,1,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,1,0,3,11,12,5,0,8,0,21,4,3,5,0,29,30,12,0,4,7,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,13,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,14,2,20,1,13,9,2,19,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,3,12,98,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242979539399986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497562567460544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869780869655898,0.15535354952292352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234510574270507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759923432351029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886591288209272,0.13900144158115693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971455814393778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553708854317013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086358096855212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011418668233195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540902558500055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464871907094063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889557002994146,0.0,0.06635976882004781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547796852335496,0.0,0.12852580814356726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795889474075305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465471722633172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860168096677695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701629657804427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7085025478544003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456871480240093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694832722776705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023954137257124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875113603844635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731367104833712,0.14959776216251286,0.11207413040674492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929797368255976,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tiredoliverr,2019/05/26,"fear of abandonment i posted in here earlier but deleted it after feeling kinda silly but! my fears of abandonment have once again proven to be nothing but an over exaggeration because i talked to my FP about it and everything is fine! 

when i was spiralling over my fears for 3 whole days, someone on here told me that ""not everyone is on their A game either. They could be experiencing their own problems, feeling overwhelmed, or who knows what. They are likely aware that you dont handle stressors well, so they could be trying to create breathing room for themselves to deal with her stuff and BPD'ers can be known to be a bit smothering sometimes. I would also suggest maybe just relax if you can. If you show them that youre okay with them needing space - and that includes psychological space too - this will go a long way towards making them feel okay with closing that gap again."" (thank you so much for this)

by just calming down, and focusing the attention off my fear of being abandoned and focusing it on ""this person needs time/space for whatever reason and the best way i can love and take care of them is by giving that to them"" my chest stopped hurting, my mind started to shift into a loving and caring mindset again, and i even had the courage to talk to her and be reassured! 

so if all else fails and you are afraid because of a text being left on read or your FP is busy, wait it out as best as you can and take the time to take care of yourself until theyre ready to talk again and communicate to figure out the source of the problem.",11.619280048810253,7.455155912751683,10.141226357535086,70.6068547895058,58.664429530201346,12.849786455155584,41.856009762050036,9.800150414767053,3.964935570469799,1234,44,235,15,11,383,169,298,0.13,0.665,0.205,0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,8,10,3,17,32,1,6,12,2,26,4,2,2,1,56,47,29,0,10,12,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,16,20,0,5,8,4,0,1,2,14,1,0,3,4,33,18,46,32,8,34,0,6,0,2,33,18,0,6,13,178,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158772732417592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438450362974315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413361246999332,0.0,0.11138265279896248,0.0,0.12849435147522406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120576333315844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291406988664767,0.0,0.0,0.06579637152856131,0.10518119590729023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957015379486614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522709498879928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673852054158309,0.0,0.0,0.0974873140486297,0.091691661422067,0.0,0.0,0.4592167935760926,0.15475762789601855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978697233499738,0.057982001471255915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092176928814666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056069152796288865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108482487289667,0.0,0.0,0.049843266754004883,0.0,0.0,0.09028711252429526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415941621883086,0.0,0.06810112058550719,0.0,0.10249577999716776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030141100021878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499861733618486,0.1512974699204013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789378538048207,0.0,0.0,0.10865112682187317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908251681724573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770979760815787,0.0,0.0,0.1952443957881959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020505727044503,0.0,0.0,0.10489659872970797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644372618588213,0.0,0.1009033199596864,0.0,0.07221237891633563,0.0,0.0,0.08529576605742004,0.0,0.0,0.11679188481828773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301257156829222,0.24600658132386996,0.0,0.09392903788778516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189808213258556,0.0,0.0,0.0974873140486297,0.0,0.06926689548515533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196215983862772,0.0,0.0,0.09173089695891444,0.0,0.0,0.1139049956789636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247418633117679,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Khepris_and_chill,2019/05/26,"Killing time through depression Hey folks,
I'm still waiting for my therapy and in the past days i am depressed as shit, feeling like i am 14 again. No fun, no Joy, forget to Drink and eat.
I know this time will pass, but i'm just so... Deeply bored.
Do You know low-effort Things You can Do so i am not just hideing myself unser the plankets, sobbing like a a Teen in embryonal Position?
Please nothing that includes other people. 

Sorr for spelling mistakes etc, i am in the phone",2.5821158392434995,4.823223712765955,3.2960992907801447,90.03388888888891,77.82978723404256,5.879905437352246,27.465721040189123,6.937597516519254,1.2933323877068554,375,16,75,4,9,118,69,94,0.226,0.644,0.13,-0.8458,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,6,11,2,0,5,0,8,3,1,0,0,12,14,6,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,1,3,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,0,1,9,4,8,13,1,10,0,3,0,0,4,3,2,0,8,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754754629619254,0.0,0.39410476638232905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412242576496924,0.0,0.2341044063886011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25515600787993925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568068641781545,0.1634442138881325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531169594304523,0.0,0.2514687581034036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235458137914985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952559837234006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184013894398856,0.15861087160179355,0.0,0.0,0.2511374794138645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348447506655971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270818005842687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616358491156897,0.0,0.15199474072164576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668130146860023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spinner266,2019/05/26,"Can feel a bad relapse coming after break up I had been dating a guy for 3 months. After 3 months we discovered we were very compatible and agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. One night over nowhere, he went on a long rant about how mental health professionals and academics are conspiring against him. When he came out of it he was embarrassed and apologetic and told me he is going to do everything to get medical help because he doesn't want his bipolar mania to ruin what we have started, even though he despises mental health professionals and pharmaceutical companies. I made it clear to him that I wont end the relationship based on his mental illness, but expect him to seek help and get treatment as I have been with a partner with depression who never did anything about it and this was a deal breaker for me. 

Unfortunately 1 week later, right after we told each other we love one another, he entered another episode and started talking to me about how a sun god has communicated to him from the cosmos and told him he is the next Alexander the great, etc. When he was back to reality, I tried to gauge the situation by asking him how often he experiences episodes and what steps he was taking to get medical help, as previously discussed. He then got quite hostile and told me that he experiences paranoia and if I don't like it, to break up with him and from there got quite aggressive in his tone and demeanour. I began crying and he couldn't understand why I was so upset and this made him even more angry so he threatened to leave. Eventually he came to his senses and started sobbing in regret for his behaviour and decided to end the relationship, stating that he is too scared and can't do it. Later when we spoke on the phone, he told me that he loves me but has to protect me by leaving me because he isn't at all well and that I am a nice girl who he will likely hurt quite badly. He said he will be getting help, but he cant still have me around as this halts recovery and he doesn't want me to wait for him to get better and to be at his whim. He said many kind things, like how he will never forget me and what we shared, that he thinks I am a diamond and he will probably regret ending it, but love isn't enough in the end.

This evening we spoke on the phone to organise returning something to him and he was a completely different person. He was very cold and told me the reason he broke up with me was to pursue his creative projects and he didn't want to be tied down. He then said he is going to leave the country to pursue his creative interests as he is a genius. I was seriously concerned at this point and tried to ask questions regarding where he was going and talk to him about it so I could hopefully talk him out of it/get more information to ensure he is safe and from there he became very vicious with me, telling me that he never actually loved me, that I am a joke to him and he wished he never wasted his time with me. He then told me that he doesn't want to ever hear from me again and doesn't want me anywhere near him.  He also made a comment stating that I am a poster child for recovery (he was aware of my BPD and all the treatment I have been receiving) that the mental health industry uses as a ploy and that I have been brainwashed.

​

I have struggled dating men who are bad for me, but really felt that this guy was an exception and now I feel sick about having to ever open up to someone again and don't know if I can trust someone again after this. Would anyone have any insights to share based on similar experiences?",11.131825293350715,6.764939457627119,10.48,68.42712516297266,59.790960451977405,13.71716644936984,41.496305953933074,11.051253699011982,4.3083094741416765,2848,101,560,50,26,927,284,708,0.141,0.735,0.124,-0.6359,1,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,8,0,0,4,35,38,4,4,28,0,68,12,0,9,9,113,124,64,0,15,8,0,3,3,2,6,8,6,0,7,35,59,0,4,11,1,0,10,17,19,1,2,42,10,72,19,91,70,7,81,0,7,0,4,127,25,1,5,45,383,107,4,0.0,0.0,0.05591384186163899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582058282189865,0.0,0.06208153654286765,0.06962241915119306,0.038964088596929715,0.12016230577891066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040063563042708944,0.0,0.047150747193747566,0.05100669209377102,0.1071303713068139,0.0,0.0,0.04405804148053978,0.14352240845442646,0.06985573243978045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050674753337609665,0.0,0.0,0.0721638690893162,0.0,0.0,0.13106555878966802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935649956408734,0.06007506692536591,0.0,0.0,0.045747184514856334,0.0,0.06293832862327688,0.0,0.059070939422383485,0.04935002960187344,0.0,0.0,0.059863421611880976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299339475081507,0.05920336633545635,0.06390156941037929,0.11353286163218615,0.10365726938964796,0.0,0.0,0.05149506554550599,0.16814308814478554,0.0,0.0,0.057942413145503184,0.0,0.055014336641346334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961266098541748,0.0,0.09769002720360913,0.0,0.09165167545077488,0.06317041033493978,0.0,0.11346655343908238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271286311144602,0.06457815469582197,0.0,0.15362053112156082,0.0,0.0,0.056909088525415076,0.0,0.0,0.06133788139982947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059666259227931874,0.03148906512922032,0.0,0.0,0.18200851503492269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397761307928192,0.0,0.0,0.0507062551299144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685198767111687,0.1626481040983038,0.0,0.05809040908345544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544188439980975,0.23096856936370916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146822202790887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767646576836598,0.0,0.06093626568705034,0.05376957913387504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765218655396702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050029740669075735,0.0,0.0,0.05416441272599918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177611658972401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418602286270532,0.1828280055624332,0.0,0.0,0.03670607968029075,0.05891110645517175,0.0,0.12303158759870095,0.0,0.048931530635195036,0.16350839100724165,0.0,0.057364533694207936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440449939687565,0.0,0.0,0.09709553250320904,0.044110215310760516,0.0,0.0,0.121665845982763,0.0,0.04575765057172919,0.0,0.0,0.05989951672087576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043080394403769234,0.13816005548842367,0.0500803139974973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806574085767578,0.036713758387575936,0.05629424823966628,0.0,0.03341048192283346,0.0,0.0,0.3832497834865213,0.0,0.07780213092056279,0.0,0.0,0.05964844844020493,0.0,0.04948641951482674,0.0,0.14182867310790356,0.16897698592385604,0.0,0.045960390508702584,0.0,0.051517100663098336,0.05311511632191885,0.05170184786842511,0.0,0.06588899929411858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070231597508151,0.0,0.06962241915119306,0.0
bpd,AmoralHydrophant,2019/05/26,"She was rude to me all night and then she hit me. Is this normal behavior for BPD? I'm dating and living with a girl who has a bad case of BPD. Shes on a cocktail of pills. Yesterday, I took her out for a nice meal but all day she kept yelling at me, calling me names like boring cause I didnt want to go to the bar, bossing me around, and just plain being disrespectful. It was an expensive dinner and she wanted to order 2 glasses of wine. Shes broke as a joke so she knew it would all be on me.

All I did was say ""come on I'm not made of money"" because I personally felt like 2 glasses of wine was too much considering she was already buzzed and we had plenty of booze at home. Then she got mad at me again. I tried telling her I felt disrespected and she wouldnt listen. I tried again once we were home and she went to the other room and ignored me. She didnt even notice when I left to get a drink on my own.

When I came back, she was asleep. She broke our rule of ""dont go to bed mad"". I was so pissed that I tried waking her up to talk about our issues that day. She told me to go away so in a fury, I ripped the sheets off. Extreme? Maybe, but I didnt like her ignoring me. Then she bolted up and chased me to the other room and punched and hit me. I grabbed her arms and she bit me. Then she went back to bed like nothing happened. It's now 2pm and shes still sleeping in bed and we haven't talked about anything. I'm still very mad at her but her BPD makes it so she can have a big fight and pretend nothing happened. 

So what now? I cant deal with this shit. Is it too much to ask to have a sweet, caring, kind gf?",0.27706378056840464,1.9364066039325856,2.083417052214145,98.77476867151356,82.67977528089888,5.08711169861203,18.33575677461996,5.900188976854957,-0.553587309980172,1245,28,314,8,34,410,171,356,0.14800000000000002,0.764,0.08800000000000001,-0.9773,0,0,3,0,4,0,39.0,5,0,0,0,22,22,7,0,14,0,29,14,6,4,4,49,58,30,0,5,5,0,3,4,1,2,1,3,7,2,13,24,8,3,3,7,2,8,8,13,0,0,24,7,61,9,43,28,8,48,0,2,0,0,47,20,2,0,23,206,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582892484860978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863753403058446,0.0934390364880395,0.09812593468237332,0.0,0.09861589081182204,0.1614196403061572,0.08763945154340623,0.06398427406681881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459205889814675,0.0,0.3965904543206895,0.0,0.10717862941109144,0.12004934085471353,0.10701644525948507,0.10782558324633408,0.0,0.09041605276445408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538448747658982,0.10821191176098464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301547648404905,0.10282346438784323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932685866094349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156126177897385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054838666897135215,0.0,0.17895812572229775,0.0,0.08394824183943436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563629840187515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057224763226426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095537653063582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930247668000398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404225638289425,0.0,0.0,0.2051178497197428,0.0,0.0926839673699584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993182234833836,0.07006340237962914,0.0,0.1054491176417406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154319290465808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850036260732606,0.10284113840995296,0.20142904012764248,0.11950070419196468,0.0,0.11178182608556148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164936152438326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347053416032793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774268025306306,0.0,0.0,0.10503848044006324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764665991350966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873004875830014,0.09174200668300317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029633657088444,0.1166173969464294,0.2137883045788069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660520164175355,0.12381941353382762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946029075144172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456247467590242,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BreaAeon,2019/05/26,"How do I shake this loneliness off? I am so tired of having this constant feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside me that I can't seem to shake off, it can be filled momentarily by some people I love and care about, but as soon as we say goodbye or hang up the phone, I go back to that feeling. I am tired of feeling like the people I love are going to walk away on me at any second cause I love too much and big to compensate the void inside.

Also, loving someone who is emotionally unavailable and severally emotionally damaged makes me feel even worse, it's really taking a toll on me, cause I always feel like I'm losing him over me being too smothering or needy just cause I feel so lonely on the inside.

What do I need? What do I want? Is this person the solution? Am I the solution? Or is there no solution at all? sometimes I get exhausted just by thinking about those answers...",4.636287878787879,5.567652477272726,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,69.68181818181819,9.048484848484847,28.303030303030305,9.2995712137729,2.376868939393939,700,24,135,14,12,236,104,176,0.20800000000000002,0.593,0.19899999999999998,-0.2856,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,14,14,1,2,7,0,15,7,0,5,1,29,36,14,0,2,6,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,11,5,0,0,9,0,0,7,2,7,0,1,0,7,21,7,23,34,3,21,0,3,0,4,10,11,0,5,5,102,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990143390824695,0.10302350782957327,0.0,0.0,0.08419804469470776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116327714078725,0.0952056388156372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623704296929114,0.3815745164900234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379939152200912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785490929613365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817782501977828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756257159415806,0.17690607873382405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468791906409108,0.0,0.1407331652110868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097893340624108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851665448406492,0.0,0.0,0.44698935687396585,0.0,0.08264708022515882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101783774581182,0.09180681629661787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167464465173518,0.10810996721867136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931868160602007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984621885161438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127159888775055,0.0,0.13987504112484234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490754794667312,0.0,0.1224556175874116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309302755666207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933527463212378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284612901316778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302894704081409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617746172732053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rwn_vllge,2019/05/26,"I Just Want To Let Go My ex girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago. We won't get into details. There was a lot of love there, but add into the mix a serious lack of communication and this funky little illness and you've got yourself crap stew. 

Anyways, the issue is that I'm still borderline obsessed with her. I tried my absolute best to fuck away the break-up, numb myself from it, date someone or ANYONE else, but nothing worked out. Probably because I'm shit but let's move on. 

I can't stop calling her. She's blocked my number so I call private like some kind of fuckin creep. I stopped by her apt at like 3am to try to talk to her. To my luck, nobody answered the door. I stalk her reddit and fantasize about drop kicking everyone she'd rather talk to over me.

I'm trying to find a job away from the area I currently work because it's where we lived together. I deleted her number, but I know it by memory. I still have some things she gave me that I can't trash because before that abrubt end we had it was almost like we'd find our way back to each other. I know I'm still holding on to things she said before she realized she could never really love me. 

I'm hurt. I love her so much but she no longer wants anything to do with me. Understandably. But I'm not like the kind of people that can just connect and get along with others so I'm missing her like I'm missing air. 

I'd choose her in every version of life in every multiverse, but she is not choosing me anymore. 

How can I just move on? How can I just let go? I'm putting myself through this constant cycle of rejection by just trying to reach out to her and more often than not it leaves me heavily suicidal when she doesn't respond.

Please make the pain stop. Please help me.",2.5394644506001853,4.1522613074792245,3.7467673130193937,89.63280101569717,75.81440443213295,6.696989843028624,24.498707294552172,7.42949916751922,1.0018486795937211,1376,45,294,17,30,448,191,361,0.175,0.688,0.136,-0.9423,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,5,0,0,3,22,25,4,1,11,0,20,11,2,3,1,64,48,19,1,5,17,1,0,5,1,1,4,1,1,0,15,19,0,5,9,0,0,5,9,13,0,0,6,1,53,12,46,35,10,40,0,5,0,5,37,18,4,7,20,191,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076556957082162,0.0,0.09123582201615676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035893356389263,0.06370784889857943,0.09335533355584053,0.07497767171811882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712060377718322,0.07005974596960826,0.0,0.1666236640845791,0.0,0.15505973812545146,0.0,0.09561675308478908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860717205333887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846004393786473,0.0,0.07274576940400948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611264764722378,0.0,0.08069846724821025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353210953766636,0.08706172121944034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655000997710842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423186676728198,0.09520484780757403,0.0,0.10356245624569274,0.0,0.07287084132650827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061070663972016576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753761730611916,0.0,0.0,0.09509758481458803,0.09041491346973936,0.0,0.0,0.1897589100192789,0.10014589072226716,0.0,0.0,0.09647478567777136,0.0,0.2795055444583045,0.06435532237731116,0.22256437348549388,0.09131847538400263,0.08045384312688326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746043174283491,0.24669726381189735,0.0,0.06081817755476724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272498032393825,0.19367594263747465,0.06697803481496363,0.0,0.07027143398550728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742472325845202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969499267267395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316580689623955,0.0,0.0,0.2000279220316084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823448546110776,0.0,0.0,0.09159304165434193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058368881855023924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666867578098847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935254817108696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719916856680174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828723661972715,0.2285219244624604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966208414456099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646525455050488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210619466964572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474371236223209,0.0,0.0,0.09485113284138734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748080768650986,0.07232071447232186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266170047453474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MissCharleston,2019/05/26,"What does FP stand for? The title pretty much sums up my question.  


I'm new to this sub, diagnosed with BPD a few years ago, but I have no idea what FP stands for. There's been a few other acronyms on here that I don't know either but I can't remember what they are.  


Anyways, thank you in advance for answering this. Hope you're all having a good day today. :)",1.3855428571428554,3.2323642400000026,2.748571428571428,94.44000000000004,79.93333333333334,5.885714285714287,20.047619047619047,6.868970318607317,0.15416190476190428,278,7,63,3,7,90,60,75,0.035,0.742,0.223,0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,11,10,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,8,9,5,11,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228440328231672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245709869912355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661986928007874,0.0,0.0,0.26156560235688103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255197718580293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615110079402008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595965494317136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29091807976733564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162817317586787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894431542889816,0.0,0.0,0.24889352496773545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621790846845232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28868907743576866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29193003288907604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372605502449182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427462946971398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659538575901033
bpd,Kwathreon,2019/05/26,"What is a good way to make sure my SO can always reach me even if they delete my number, etc. in a crisis? Just looking for some suggestions because in the ups and downs it has happened before that she deleted all my numbers / social media etc. and afterward got too scared to ask about them again.

Anything that's easy to do / arrange would be very appreciated.",4.924347826086958,6.3415312898550775,5.1833043478260885,82.4801739130435,69.43478260869566,7.259130434782609,28.29275362318841,7.554174236665415,1.6416353623188416,285,10,53,3,5,90,60,69,0.087,0.725,0.188,0.7198,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,1,2,9,11,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,8,4,7,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,2,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317720459956876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009392195437535,0.0,0.22827520751016075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488497764354421,0.0,0.20777907640774065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5446501805021364,0.16127849480446546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480648177374675,0.19529294052627666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159274440354368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504958437181334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629919528292732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444666376683423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489106172677161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301366285705665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147395732049952,0.0,0.193818607458882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345836688544922,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_jeangrey,2019/05/26,"30 and older? I’m not too far from 30 which isn’t old but I just thought I’d have myself a little more figured out by now. I’ve changed what I’ve wanted to do so much that I haven’t started anything. Some of the things I’m interested in as an adult are things that I feel I should have started several years ago. I feel like I’m running out of time to figure out what I want to do with my life. Everyone around me seems to have it figured out by now.

Have any of you started college or a career/hobby that you’re passionate about after 30? Will I always feel this lost?",1.8751219512195119,3.2097687479674804,3.5013089430894304,91.86757317073172,76.96747967479675,6.220813008130082,23.68211382113821,6.742157984588678,0.5753811382113834,448,14,102,4,10,149,79,123,0.03,0.855,0.11599999999999999,0.8736,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,0,23,25,5,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,3,11,3,20,21,3,20,0,1,0,1,2,8,0,3,12,68,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100077334527015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990117805232294,0.0,0.0,0.13885517281160353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680297264876856,0.18177104354975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600434439885602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511084925453231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097315020121175,0.1458722956279783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422436665865754,0.09975618059538467,0.20465050581636535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289585360654235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010203188159746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426146848932884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588552942014527,0.0,0.2306748699194071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335769853099477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27130751496190697,0.0,0.0,0.16210285028750762,0.11906394857852665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408713194794429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314906907898365
bpd,conmae,2019/05/26,"Trouble making or maintaining eye contact? I have BPD, more specifically the demure or quiet type. I wanted to see if any others with BPD have trouble making or maintaining eye contact with others. This refers to during any kind of encounter (conversations, passing people on the street, on public transport, appointments, meetings etc). Of course this is particularly difficult during any forms on intimacy. I feel like the only person I can make eye contact with is my FP and it’s taken me one and a half years to achieve any of that. Is this a BPD thing or something broader like anxiety, just a personality trait or a flow on from past trauma.",7.888300492610838,8.670332706896554,8.064236453201973,66.76155172413796,62.44827586206897,10.076847290640398,35.536945812807886,9.957137785484203,3.7685014778325128,518,22,80,10,7,169,74,116,0.10800000000000001,0.85,0.042,-0.7713,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,7,0,6,3,3,3,0,18,13,8,0,2,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,2,1,6,6,3,14,12,3,10,0,0,4,0,8,5,0,6,4,55,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399322988841088,0.0,0.12372427711533684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6110860917327419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037355257955276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177638671882935,0.11554113012085797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841863580781674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580278392536722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238714164742251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095935583706822,0.1230042152326901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439116965695313,0.11212436903314668,0.2824356942209679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288791934413469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450893325569155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744732834302477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539352330936778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041498863703086
bpd,gothammite,2019/05/26,"mom is fp I just turned 20 and I was recently diagnosed with BPD. Im realizing that my relationship with my mother is making more and more sense. We've always had an up and down relationship going to more extremes than other teenagers and mothers. 

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The only thing thats confusing me is whether or not our relationship is because of my BPD or because of abuse and neglect on her part. I always grew up feeling invalidated and shunned by her, whether it was because of her trying to put me in conversion therapy or not taking me to a doctor for increasingly severe seizures. Just stuff like that I guess that could generally harbor resentment in any child, I wont get too into it for the sake of keeping this safe to read. But even though its over now and our relationship is better now that Im an adult, I find myself having a hard time leaving the pattern of behaviors that kept me safe while the rough times were ongoing. 

The other day I was in the car with her and I was talking to her about my diagnosis and FPs came up and she said that it sounded a lot like the way I see her. 

​

Can a mother be a FP? Can an ex-abuser be an FP? How do you tell between leftover feelings of childhood abuse/neglect for an abuser vs them being an FP?",5.491364889705885,6.442864726562501,6.231378676470588,77.20810661764708,67.75,8.836029411764708,33.02757352941177,9.007467420416297,2.855882169117648,1054,46,194,18,17,346,144,256,0.078,0.8590000000000001,0.063,-0.6111,0,0,0,0,4,0,41.0,2,1,1,1,10,8,1,1,18,0,20,2,0,2,0,43,33,20,0,1,12,4,4,2,0,1,2,2,0,2,16,15,0,5,4,1,0,6,4,3,0,0,9,7,29,5,32,19,6,26,0,1,1,0,25,11,0,6,10,149,45,2,0.0,0.26164343050792577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224969565550838,0.39877591087703307,0.4472141825179953,0.05005655718912507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461385567230846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510106561786085,0.0,0.0,0.1854155952382539,0.0,0.0,0.08418894006411612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058770694769691226,0.0,0.0,0.04747163299951673,0.0,0.0,0.07471145573489467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534179967737319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861796580543623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443771487375013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727717556943028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845759758220009,0.0,0.041833618336021415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108847136443015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593909115269875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902042644472564,0.0,0.0,0.06542694765284422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794116728013023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192315356830957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257963078792787,0.0,0.0,0.04913449371425727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620982137295824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598286418084143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797112353605924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399724737529899,0.0,0.0,0.073628791714042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726798809660156,0.31611352516986657,0.0,0.0,0.07001889363668021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586567408971674,0.0,0.0,0.08315707354944052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426454779514518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534471108794939,0.05916402314578049,0.06433739866464114,0.0,0.08417816033215499,0.0,0.04890246385331358,0.0,0.0723203431133175,0.0,0.0858438505459268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049975592347973295,0.08006531553362947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058427296468247375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472141825179953,0.0
bpd,throwawayaccount_937,2019/05/26,Just lost my fp My fp just abandoned me and idk how to cope. Please help. I can’t stop crying and blaming myself.,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,88,2,20,0,4,28,20,24,0.444,0.409,0.146,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039295793884565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074991476850601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007939734369509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035839758195296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835463839711709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shonaaarrr,2019/05/26,"IDK if I can keep doing this. [TW: suicide ideation. Idk how to add another flair]

 I’ve been trying for over a month to get help now, because I was so desperate that I felt like suicide was the only way out. I can’t stand the way my personality splits; the highs and lows, the dependency on my FP and the urge to push them away or the self-hatred which all of the symptoms of BPD embed themselves in.

But I’ve been practically laughed at and told that how I was reacting was “not uncommon for a stressed individual.” My FP even insinuated that I was doing this to myself, and that the solution was as simple as, “thinking rationally.” I’m trying. I really am. But everything I’m going through makes me want to cause myself suffering... Even though I don’t really want to suffer any more. 

Please tell me the rest of my life won’t be this way. Please tell me there’s a way out that isn’t just ending it all because OH BOY I do not see the light at the end of this perpetual, winding fucking tunnel.",3.582116666666668,4.882169645000001,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,72.55,8.533333333333335,26.833333333333336,9.029198982220553,2.020933333333333,779,27,161,16,15,265,118,200,0.10400000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.1,-0.5812,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,0,10,7,1,1,14,0,18,3,0,6,2,27,31,14,2,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,11,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,10,3,19,2,23,19,4,21,0,3,1,1,7,10,1,3,5,108,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239013267193344,0.14246209487822833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276458732043652,0.0,0.0,0.16563919805158642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111216197694729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395666622685755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066502448657026,0.0,0.0,0.17946980628462547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221030982378502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044785709559514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560129683595092,0.07098176028045361,0.0,0.07721293203623941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106475836170504,0.14354459615327714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075949113174672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596263574708856,0.06637481754142299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068826639189513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108442946732883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332840569679567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862857683581375,0.0,0.2982691393980748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407205935754125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826361975149736,0.0,0.14173264367148306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556283060294324,0.0,0.0,0.2972197457884845,0.0,0.0,0.14121158977114226,0.0,0.0,0.23749698869360714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705423713107797,0.13348273373804395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982099898300267,0.0,0.1844813893189932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602686649186879,0.4313605230154754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HappyMel,2019/05/26,"Feeling rejected by my boyfriends family. How can I cope in a healthy way? So, I grew up in a very lacklustre family. Mom went to prison when I was a kid, dad was never in the picture and I was sexually abused by my step father. 
This has resulted in all kinds of feelings of rejection, jumping to conclusions and generally always thinking and assuming most people don’t like me. 

Cut to now, my boyfriend of 2 years has what seems like a lovely family. Mom and dad still together and love each other, nice brother, pretty well to do people. 

I made the mistake of putting my hopes into maybe these people could be like a second family to me. I imprinted these hopes on to these people. And to be honest, they seem to be pretty lukewarm on me really. They don’t dislike me, but they aren’t over the moon about me either. I always get the feeling that they think his son could probably do better. 

There’s been a few instances where they just wanted ‘family time’ and I wasn’t invited. Which really stung and reaffirmed my feelings that they don’t see me the same way I see them. These days I kind of avoid any outings they extend to the two of us, thinking they probably don’t want me around and he goes alone.  I know I can’t do that forever, especially because I live with my boyfriend. My relationship with my boyfriend seems to really be going upwards into marriage, so I can’t actively avoid them forever.  

I have no idea how to digest my feelings and kind of ‘get over’ how I deal with this. I know avoiding isn’t doing anyone any favours and is making everything more awkward than need be.  How can I deal with this?",4.512016563147,5.8755842126984135,5.4471773636991045,80.40248447204972,70.36507936507937,8.906832298136647,28.616287094547964,9.318704503766252,2.4965003450655616,1277,47,242,27,23,419,160,315,0.09699999999999999,0.767,0.136,0.8304,1,5,0,0,1,0,31.0,1,0,10,2,15,23,1,4,12,0,30,3,0,7,2,61,58,19,0,8,3,7,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,13,19,1,3,16,0,0,6,11,8,1,2,7,7,46,15,38,44,7,28,0,2,2,2,27,13,0,7,10,175,59,0,0.0,0.10596631110030552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262809045571588,0.0,0.0,0.14883481593966572,0.0,0.0,0.12163826245702085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253530329895146,0.0,0.0,0.07961645740195064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451898288021933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909833347045961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142813761005726,0.0,0.0,0.057678426946560814,0.184407917438337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037876059237943,0.0,0.4215586248965595,0.0,0.22610609895483416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934525986374955,0.0,0.05082819247294657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765904183858516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096166779967912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793995841224827,0.09830270145254064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108084017980534,0.0,0.0789730868093726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614378602973303,0.08462592730410262,0.05969881647599715,0.0,0.08984986894499464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094912927973996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631520753553448,0.06897808533029796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480129504085277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819758859477721,0.1928529513688788,0.0,0.0,0.08990726792622071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188380049538798,0.0,0.0,0.09602013727079696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253685120943946,0.2442558569126682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142321699395819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191975762844516,0.0,0.0,0.05215049440763002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736537935049148,0.0,0.10757976079204927,0.0,0.0,0.07379356216050692,0.10550261896602883,0.14197929744962273,0.0,0.0,0.08041315525568975,0.08290750139745162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759345810850675
bpd,miIkeyedmender,2019/05/26,"Everyone in my life hates me because of my mental illness None of this makes sense and I don’t know where I was going with it, just venting and hoping there are some wise words. It’s hard to not believe the things people tell you that you are. 

My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been going through a lot lately, stemming from my jealousy of other couples I know on Facebook getting engaged, buying their first home, having babies, getting married.  
These are all things I want so intensely, and also something I’m not in a position to afford currently. Not only that, but we don’t even have a plan for our future together. He won’t even sit down and talk about it with me even though we’ve been together for 5 years. 
He says my expectations of him are unrealistic and I’m wanting too much too young. But I’m just asking for a plan, some stability. 
Now I’m wondering if I’m being crazy but also fighting with the concept that we all deserve the things we want in our lives.
His whole family is mad at me for expecting so much from him. I put a lot of pressure on him. I yell and disturb the household. They all want me to go to therapy but I know it’s from a place of irritation.
I know I’m young, but I just want to know where I’m going with my life and what I can expect. I put too much trust in him and his family and thought they loved me like I loved them but they can’t handle me. Unfortunately I’ll never be able to get away from myself.",3.3036363636363646,4.457885811447814,4.69318181818182,85.45977272727275,73.04040404040404,7.554882154882156,25.95791245791245,8.00094639256281,1.4090013468013467,1134,37,239,16,22,378,153,297,0.10400000000000001,0.797,0.099,-0.3612,2,0,1,0,2,0,29.0,5,2,5,3,19,12,3,2,10,0,18,5,0,1,4,56,50,22,0,10,13,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,14,17,0,0,7,0,1,6,9,5,0,1,4,3,44,7,35,43,12,28,0,0,0,2,27,12,0,7,10,173,58,0,0.11122335691291237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778905566787279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397882466403266,0.0,0.10449800506870267,0.0,0.0,0.06780072603623584,0.0,0.0,0.12531063580049856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306652892207895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203859348055507,0.0,0.0,0.10627868390253553,0.0,0.0,0.20970296454444015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460653057164503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743288402366921,0.0,0.252843187507496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963428130026114,0.10981003830879657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156609558186227,0.11046988945137133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056272410863243,0.0,0.1254647911461937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712069250606053,0.05433811407888617,0.0,0.09821226186046192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891162413249519,0.20076684412736373,0.0,0.07424245440288965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208698375548372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452858945633753,0.0,0.08578230955369606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459037484868306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710827135674675,0.0,0.1162047352891968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362038758957936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844927759581335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562517403313763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939712122071905,0.09721411630978392,0.0,0.12719360184158604,0.0,0.22167556852825146,0.0,0.10927638345510876,0.08829892161932591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280120880252344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417690597820308,0.0,0.0,0.12061698610129593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162419525091811
bpd,centitype,2019/05/26,"Feel like my boyfriend is being unfair So a lot of times I have trouble telling if I'm being reasonable for being upset about things, especially when it comes to my boyfriend, because I know my BPD can make me irrational and jealous over things that he can't control. This has come up multiple times now though and I just don't know anymore. Basically his family is pretty close and we hang out with them a decent amount, like vacation with them where we stay together multiple days and just having dinner or whatever. Pretty much everytime he asks me to come when they invite him somewhere, I say yes. The issue is his family is pretty religious and conservative. I'm bisexual and they've made some kinda homophobic comments about gay people, not like violent or anything, just how they think it's wrong and stuff. He's made it obvious that the way I dress matters around them, like not being too slutty. We have to hide how much time we spend together and the fact that we sleep over at each other's place. I've never really had a problem with this, I get that he can't change his parents views. It's just that everytime I  invite him to hang out with my family, he has excuses or reasons not to, even when really he's just going to be sitting at home by himself if he doesn't come. One of his reasons is my younger sibling is bipolar and also transitioning right now, and he says he doesn't know how to deal with all that or it makes him uncomfortable. If he ends up coming, it's obviously only because he'd feel guilty otherwise. When I try to point out that I hang out with his homophobic parents even though it makes me uncomfortable, he gets mad and says it's not the same thing and I'm guilt tripping him. I'm not trying to guilt trip him, I just genuinely don't understand why he can't suck it up for like two hours to come hang out with me like I do with him. Everyone's family is difficult, I just thought that was something you put up with when you got in a serious relationship, and I honestly don't mind hanging out with his family as long as he's there because I feel like I'm really there to be with him and not them anyway. Should I try to just let it go or stop going with him to his family stuff if it's just building resentment? Or is this actually something I should push him to talk about because he's being unfair?",7.550542078746034,6.270901311158802,7.985988057473412,73.89382254151896,63.785407725321896,11.795334950550474,34.209367419294644,10.940254816364696,3.524934987870872,1865,65,368,43,23,619,200,466,0.09699999999999999,0.802,0.10099999999999999,0.29100000000000004,2,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,5,2,6,1,35,21,5,3,8,1,36,4,1,12,5,108,69,38,0,7,25,2,3,7,0,2,1,3,1,0,28,46,1,3,12,0,1,18,15,13,0,2,6,7,56,8,52,52,8,58,0,0,1,1,57,21,1,13,23,249,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.07044242313441032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057726544553897426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158840374690585,0.0,0.0,0.05940233713763659,0.06426020583681423,0.06748349509603764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760139135158661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091483668721738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636245774711395,0.3730873763241207,0.0,0.0,0.08096193266931506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655353564926189,0.07441985689403109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393473480999394,0.0,0.0,0.09535539695215507,0.0,0.0,0.06897613112211855,0.0,0.0,0.4082991616375067,0.0,0.10949714368557732,0.10313836087293997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542766182263608,0.0,0.12307367913149825,0.0,0.05773316488479875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724077242497143,0.0,0.07108796291367835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534268088996991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901343081173794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381434233812742,0.0,0.2468625806045693,0.0,0.0,0.06388170371589798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061369346043627884,0.0,0.1366069198542279,0.14455271033703826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288655788993015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612897716676796,0.0,0.055673740156211515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891461577691679,0.054900160342432704,0.0,0.0,0.1603064279347163,0.0,0.0,0.050044186100200415,0.0,0.07541825664372467,0.0,0.06823842456601734,0.0,0.0,0.22031515097381035,0.0,0.06907156677856338,0.0,0.07256614689594311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873122166293386,0.22265547939813074,0.0,0.0774999791104671,0.0,0.0616458370746219,0.0,0.1722139024990297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223741412111674,0.0,0.0,0.11114351466527744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693990687873488,0.0,0.06035012864138758,0.0,0.0,0.16526975719542486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580197959631784,0.06309311883889977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387008306761748,0.046253414487092484,0.14184334763992434,0.057307051347584376,0.12627545665114565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702720590977178,0.0,0.07051453233758669,0.0751474251176202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057297317517015625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513599000030787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892327487695272,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway6791191,2019/05/26,"It’s because of what you didn’t say I’ve been waiting all summer to hang out with you again. I was a little late getting to your house. Deliberately. I knew you’d ask me where I was, and just like every time before, it made me smile. We were celebrating your brother’s graduation, but I was only there for you. I tried not to let my mind wander over to what your parents must think of me — if I’m not your boyfriend or lover, so what am I? I tell myself I don’t love you only because loving you would be pathetic. You’re the high school crush that was supposed to fade away into a silly memory. I’m glad we’re still friends, and I can be a friend. But over the past two years, those old feelings can’t help but bubble up, along with the butterflies in my stomach that show up whenever we’ve spent a long time apart.

We watched Endgame and laughed at some good memes. Every time you shifted towards me, I figured it was on purpose. Every time you shifted away, I figured it was on purpose. Whenever we sit next to each other, do you mean to be that close to me? “Yes, she loves you,” says one side. “She does not love you and never will,” says the other. I miss you and you claim to miss me, and I believe it right up until you have to leave.

I dropped you off at your house, and you got out of the car immediately after you told me to have a good night. I know you were tired, and I know you had had a long day. But somewhere in my head, bells started going off. Part of me wishes you had said something more or stayed for just a moment longer. After I got home, I cut for the first time in over a year — around the same time I started really getting to know you. Whenever you’re sad, I tell you that my cuts became scars because I stopped it all to be an example for you to be strong. But really, I just started cutting some place else. I don’t want in your pants, I just want to be somebody’s favorite person. And you’re the closest I’ve got.

Thank you for reading this far and listening to my thoughts",3.1381884057971017,4.1117327222222215,4.100212560386473,90.24539130434783,73.2270531400966,6.87265700483092,25.394202898550724,7.0316486544052195,0.8575773913043481,1553,48,346,14,30,502,200,414,0.068,0.747,0.185,0.9954,1,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,3,30,0,2,10,21,3,0,17,1,32,8,2,1,4,62,68,20,0,6,15,2,1,1,3,3,1,5,1,1,17,22,0,2,10,2,1,3,8,6,0,3,22,7,73,15,54,35,8,69,0,3,1,5,55,33,0,5,31,234,90,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003880011102209,0.0840535430045344,0.0,0.16894646753914566,0.0,0.0,0.1644245718310194,0.0,0.07650663304512867,0.10129757620568833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798439463071192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786806877242908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510811605947786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22725869862245146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045461105526872034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647724535844122,0.0,0.0,0.13892820488990193,0.0,0.09394833814872572,0.0,0.051097821607509177,0.15082417938540932,0.2157272848950544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227341236947488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060264655865074235,0.09499465923039363,0.09018687836814757,0.0,0.0,0.207487717163657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823625407390853,0.0,0.10142219103010697,0.0952015154312347,0.0,0.09193888059946546,0.0,0.043925395610812615,0.09011325790827897,0.0,0.15913471947016655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32458848465097745,0.085074843829173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793814989395674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078328588842527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934399449500599,0.0,0.0956201115702928,0.08437427364311621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434522965269644,0.0,0.06092521963932423,0.13676093633654873,0.0,0.0,0.09983421290745452,0.09736357137107966,0.08582909489905162,0.0,0.0785057851949477,0.09393662360120608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993414898899656,0.0,0.11519706351429213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678249341158523,0.08552482616884995,0.21449968824348595,0.0,0.09099353598880686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921697058145941,0.0,0.0,0.1909158960759578,0.09583190322897683,0.07180209688814307,0.07516863383956382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717028793688087,0.08277688075556279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761058104896016,0.0,0.07137835255942561,0.3145628278718923,0.1033381096550129,0.0,0.0859126842097989,0.0,0.06104286466484037,0.0,0.08782882789113249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060622804149588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339185364779338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386935515042058,0.0,0.0,0.11579795011417715
bpd,throwaway02060,2019/05/26,"Just hit me tonight. I’m 26, have a kid and a wife and I just came to realize I’ve had BPD from the moment my father passed away when I was 6...and how did I find out ? A text from my wife saying “ you emotionally abuse me “ and this link

https://mental-health-matters.com/borderline-personality-and-abuse/

I don’t know what hurt more.

Learning about  myself like I never had before 
Or realizing what I’m doing to her and my son. 

I’m in my car smoking a joint and drinking a tall can. 

I want to give up, I don’t want to give up. 

I don’t even know.",1.4795151515151483,3.8494584363636406,3.1104545454545485,89.08901515151518,82.81818181818181,5.121212121212121,16.439393939393938,6.42735559955562,-0.5492424242424248,428,8,96,4,12,141,68,110,0.079,0.8690000000000001,0.053,-0.6705,0,0,1,0,3,0,23.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,10,1,0,1,1,21,21,8,0,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,7,1,0,7,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,5,1,17,1,12,15,1,13,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,5,61,20,1,0.0,0.4772759460656332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189231370876616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138511699191833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536689057915581,0.0,0.0,0.2303594395970133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730517023390232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265591958672887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302943769998424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840851357677268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864217430148645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408946353360606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561362291993127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137939100360715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983987762372814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297395705813054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553398461830527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016935482642036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23759373029296785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hmeide13,2019/05/26,"New here! I try not to self diagnose so I won't say I have BPD yet, although I am going to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, but I pretty much fell out of my chair when I read about quiet BPD. I had heard of BPD plenty of times and even felt that I identified with certain symptoms but I never lash out at people and no one would no about the internal conflicts I have going on as a result of any of my close relationships with people. I am 21 and have struggled with mental health all my life. Since high school I have struggled with and been diagnosed with anorexia, ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. but I always felt like something was missing. I always felt like there was something bigger going on because it was such an ongoing struggle with feelings of emptiness and suicidal thoughts constantly, even when I had ""recovered"" from my ed temporarily. I've always had a fear of abandonment and have shamefully felt that my ed's main purposes were to punish myself, numb my feelings, but ALSO to hold power over others. If I was starving people couldn't leave me or forget about me. I'd be on people's minds, especially my high school best friend whom I now realize was my ""favorite person"" and a lot of shit makes sense now. I also have always had this weird belief that I am evil and horrible and deserve nothing but pain and suffering even though I never act out and hurt people around me. And I've never known why and now it seems like it might make sense.
This is horribly written and disorganized because I am a mess after discovering that I may be struggling with this. I feel so alone and horrible and like I deserve friendships and relationships even less than I did before.
Sorry for this mess.",5.426126844834464,6.770352822629974,5.976800957319508,77.53462305544478,68.1743119266055,8.867384656295705,29.813721579577184,9.20300075937882,2.633523972875948,1371,51,243,26,23,444,176,327,0.292,0.604,0.10400000000000001,-0.9977,1,1,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,2,22,26,3,6,8,0,30,8,1,3,5,68,47,33,1,3,8,0,7,4,1,4,7,3,0,2,13,30,0,3,12,1,0,5,8,19,0,1,19,10,37,7,38,21,7,33,1,5,0,0,8,14,1,6,17,183,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969222616348169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835261767263251,0.0,0.12898707255546754,0.26841972188015584,0.0,0.0,0.05484286114872234,0.0,0.061694886852123924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179310572594129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832356851121267,0.0,0.06862482680057476,0.0,0.08463426030512483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047169736236409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715097218268664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946131472851001,0.16371041970013522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994294553151759,0.21306685858772095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075052065786736,0.12233294168509565,0.0,0.3097358346370426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230782625514671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375009859197531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572420180169131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041638815343113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633449501582129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539373970054365,0.0,0.0,0.0569635020054665,0.15760059205118418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856336501676667,0.0,0.0,0.1076652637616559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127340864025162,0.08555393406456673,0.08143068153065093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928497099486976,0.0,0.18660027591618586,0.07788956779095027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738316295678943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054648629525617484,0.0,0.08581430628456431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795530684094124,0.07041802386818594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204719505078198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066902374577757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316982171409262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413388995872499,0.0,0.16323854282073474,0.0,0.07341818149891682,0.08413261754604881,0.0,0.08278319132276768,0.06671219678530556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417230843268888,0.0,0.09027793712124364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33723985307408605,0.0,0.08821494664812939,0.0,0.0,0.08382331950868305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923546400936479,0.06402486799819812,0.047026030557538484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475415461773903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277155365065653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728945662105681,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,irlfleur,2019/05/26,"having a hard time trusting myself I always have a really hard time making important decisions for myself, especially when they concern people in my life. I second guess myself over and over and over and over again to the point that it makes me physically ill. I just don’t trust myself. Even when I think I’m making the right choice I will spend hours and hours thinking about the situation and analyzing every moment and every word/tone said. It’s exhausting",7.794,8.330112164705888,7.8376470588235305,69.14941176470593,62.647058823529406,10.564705882352943,28.764705882352942,10.355215969177356,2.967752941176471,374,10,61,8,5,121,59,85,0.098,0.8079999999999999,0.094,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,4,3,0,3,0,14,12,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,12,2,8,10,0,15,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,8,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682275850850878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335361009645995,0.0,0.34068593783583845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272092465816035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622220299762582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982075350290538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428037003130155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048644531773823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401641795088041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112275642006973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295198594944697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265818163966892,0.1923167679930328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272555877759408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590939086543757,0.0,0.0,0.23578224435727224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sugar_tit5,2019/05/26,"How the fuck do I deal with legit abandonment I started seeing a guy just over a month ago and to cut a long story short he was so incredibly sweet for the first 2 weeks or so and then it all trickled away in to nothing and I'm so incredibly hurt and confused.

 I confronted him twice already about it (after I'd not seen him for three weeks and I'd only get one word texts every few days).. He responded that he liked me and did want to see me again but didn't want to be in a relationship and asked if we could be friends. Which was fine with me but his response just didn't really make sense considering everything. I ended up sleeping over last night and we barely spoke.  

This whole thing has been my worst nightmare. Like all the paranoia of them losing interest has been totally justified and it just fucks me up. I've even uncharacteristically been  trying to stay positive hoping  that im misreading things but no.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this. How did you cope. I plan on getting wasted tonight and sending him a pathetic text again because honestly I just feel so pathetic and obviously have no shame.",4.197455197132618,6.212718640553,5.098763440860218,79.97925627240146,72.27188940092167,8.508858166922684,27.723758320532518,9.150863307647796,2.3794446492575525,903,34,171,20,18,294,142,217,0.198,0.644,0.158,-0.9051,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,1,1,3,14,19,4,2,8,0,17,3,1,3,4,40,33,23,0,5,10,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,10,15,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,10,0,4,11,7,19,9,20,19,6,27,0,3,3,2,19,9,2,4,19,117,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182766941640667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411169005801546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398561278600148,0.1523770105956615,0.12238051156440925,0.0,0.1390292882394824,0.0,0.13972348037295176,0.0,0.0,0.09065583029424897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187375423883407,0.0,0.0,0.09590945040913093,0.15331955939947736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423304888164348,0.0,0.13171814325508213,0.0,0.0,0.09822544719404908,0.0,0.12529955702960272,0.0,0.13365625869312808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519522578173837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649766575725133,0.0,0.0,0.11489753288085705,0.2749709002370649,0.15539583600176052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725211880806258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477084411363917,0.0,0.0,0.15920344322737695,0.0,0.16063868820664468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122330465278265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217965225585298,0.0,0.0,0.13160888875876076,0.0,0.16637504834861028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926901584180356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870360990956708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955979475716984,0.0,0.14269691376880625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077374039821776,0.11310514083154005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952712115110156,0.0,0.0,0.1596652176798064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701463070779086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882329753707865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526187711727,0.15851135859723195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760046728838854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009683318880916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754329779335136,0.0,0.23858184384831546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603598770916456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GgHhhhhhhhhhyy,2019/05/26,"Stories about when you went crazy? Hey I’m bored, so let’s talk about Times you went crazy.

Ok so here’s my story. Ima leave out some details because other wise I’ll be typing all day.

Basically me and this girl are infatuated with each other. She likes how different I am and I like the attention she gives me. Anyway she decides to play games with my emotions by going and fucking some other guy to get under my skin, because I wasn’t fucking her, and hadn’t. I say, well not to her but my response is basically, “ok we’re gonna play games with each other.” Some time goes by and she eventually gets a boyfriend. 

Let me tell you about this girl. In college she had a nickname, “ the community pussy” ya it’s great I know. This dude didn’t know a thing about her, not like that.

So one day we get into a bad fight, me and this girl. It escalated until I get to the point where I call her 144 times and had sent dozens of threatening messages. Eventually I decide to tell her boyfriend about her nickname. Of course I’m holding this metaphorical gun to her head the whole time, screaming at her over text that I was gonna do it. It was a lot of fun to be honest, holding her down like that. I let everything come out and it must have been a nightmare for her. I tell her boyfriend and he gets REALLY mad, because he had no idea. 

What’s your stories?",0.7214920948616594,3.094496228260873,2.293557312252968,93.5154743083004,86.71739130434781,5.229512516469038,20.682476943346508,6.714681859716394,0.2957188405797102,1053,34,231,13,33,342,142,276,0.11599999999999999,0.75,0.133,0.4626,1,0,0,1,1,0,31.0,1,5,0,0,14,20,4,0,10,2,20,4,2,1,2,37,39,16,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,3,0,2,0,4,19,19,0,2,6,4,0,5,6,7,1,2,12,3,41,13,30,19,8,23,0,0,0,2,41,10,2,4,12,152,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417704582614844,0.2281743849678393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740327319612402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747759264098987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093158626184334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303572274963164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403485234360856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213448535860136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306941754031,0.3259337098634303,0.11968995751446602,0.07090919494971867,0.0,0.0,0.13755845104305015,0.0,0.12354109505950647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280491649260706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084920663402772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371397463148488,0.0,0.0,0.13211253640272635,0.0,0.3827547908771329,0.0,0.243823657652983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607428704300363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454681903943227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794719516209748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993032557350392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922145231644612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028473314347323,0.32716126354343145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289109287757519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910156269391712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218246853028704,0.23132454228094115,0.0,0.13930032319340604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThornyDevil7,2019/05/26,"I think I might be relapsing Has anyone else ever relapsed before? As in, have you had your BPD re-emerge after staying dormant for weeks, months, or years? I'm noticing changes in who I am over the last couple of weeks, identity problems that I thought I dealt with months ago, and even dietary changes that I didn't have even at the peak of my BPD problems. I just want to know I'm not alone. I've been stable for 3-4 months now with no psychotic symptoms thanks to my meds, but the other symptoms of BPD that I previously had are making a comeback. Any advice would be helpful.",6.911420289855072,6.07265754782609,6.660652173913043,81.44692028985506,64.82608695652173,9.057971014492756,34.81884057971015,7.793537801064563,2.4452318840579714,458,18,91,4,6,144,81,115,0.049,0.856,0.094,0.59,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,13,2,0,1,1,17,21,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,12,1,15,12,0,16,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,11,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319124122124794,0.11966207450231155,0.0,0.0,0.13981078024895455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917990444290422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943893963949454,0.13831503867934022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148680683766268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100522914751604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28560682338050697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936584506166214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276831652061645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832160474642114,0.12210780003774167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048214952185772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418795595937737,0.11003632376263764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010806625057936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994544396928386,0.0,0.0,0.1432049537491257,0.0,0.0,0.32324747017618466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368904455960616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25833781881235496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388328403205428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806163088720129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242823010264375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649728657181463,0.0,0.1071684003865483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962165366563717,0.0,0.2165645383845562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589429259371524,0.0,0.0,0.08693028514104409
bpd,glutton4pain,2019/05/26,"Painful Acceptance I've accepted that emotional stability as it pertains to relationships is an impossibility for me, and that the only hope that I have at maintaining a relationship is to carry the pain until I'm alone to purge it from my body and my mind. Even though the fear can elevate to such extremes that my vision blurs and I'll feel like dying, I stopped fighting it and now just allow it to destroy me, while maintaining my external composure, so that I may rebuild later on. I sit here now in tears, picking myself back up again after a long and stressful day without the one I love. I feel weak but by morning I'll feel rejuvenated and ready to start the day again.",9.112871794871793,7.438544184615385,9.38,66.40333333333334,61.0,12.666666666666668,40.12820512820512,11.538034831475384,4.586897435897434,544,24,99,13,6,182,87,130,0.155,0.735,0.11,-0.629,0,1,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,2,2,8,0,5,5,1,2,0,21,12,12,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,0,3,13,5,17,11,0,19,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,3,15,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958516044115345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075457079459555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332789075146604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236104917479324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997756673514815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590722625642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090315920480316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059827552673972,0.2776675682474701,0.13077134659719622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181049498635826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942925050772611,0.0,0.0,0.1619939728951592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521026448439122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482886955791056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240397873166148,0.13921818876346986,0.3895573738137552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930555631775368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956411857473066,0.0,0.0,0.1530384528695547,0.20968378191493245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984623199100874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645419411547628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LifeIsNoCabaret,2019/05/26,"Is this what this could be? Could I have BPD? I have crippling self esteem issues to the point where every interaction with anyone is affected. I hate everything about myself and I think my thoughts are stupid, which makes me second guess the way that I think so I feel like my thoughts arent real. It's like I cant honestly like something or feel or think a certain way without examining what other people would think about it. I feel lonely constantly. I'm so afraid that all of my coworkers are truly annoyed with me, I wonder if that's why I still dont have any real friends there after working there for a long time. I think my boyfriend is going to leave me constantly, not because of anything he does but I imagine that he's gonna leave on a whim or that he immediately fell in love with some girl. That being said, I have horrible jealousy issues. I hate when he talks to any girl, and if he even mentions anyone I get this burning jealous sensation in my chest. I am also very jealous of when anyone has any type of talent. My boyfriend talks of distributing his music and I hate it. It's such an asshole thing to want him to not be happy because I am not happy. I've never been happy with myself. I'm tired of going through months of depression to a few weeks of being okay but shitty to going back to being depressed again. I have to talk myself out of a panic attack every day--at least I'm able to do that. But I cant just tear up and start crying on public transportation or for no reason anymore. I'm thinking about suicide a lot more now. I dont have any friends, I dont have any want to do anything, I feel angry all of the time and I dont have a proper way of working through it. What do I do?",3.481369230769232,4.6975086314285734,4.6628571428571455,85.60868131868132,72.68571428571428,6.984615384615385,26.032967032967033,7.321109707123232,1.2296835164835158,1351,44,273,14,26,445,166,350,0.249,0.674,0.078,-0.9972,1,2,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,2,18,26,8,2,11,1,36,3,1,3,4,56,68,19,1,7,14,0,4,3,2,2,1,1,0,3,21,10,0,0,16,0,0,5,13,13,0,1,4,5,39,13,41,55,7,32,0,3,0,1,20,8,0,10,19,190,60,3,0.07801305186850503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238700939390415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26525775226060744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736798472118635,0.16364561928078847,0.0,0.12839618908994224,0.0,0.0,0.08875110883026202,0.0,0.05998722142857195,0.0,0.09511206465614427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825470785203533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860878885086938,0.0,0.12457414787439175,0.0,0.08569367426684991,0.05031196459643046,0.0,0.13438505452139735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826974741080807,0.0,0.3657228631159803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152688500053233,0.0,0.1314587217491056,0.0,0.07011310070878911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577829722186059,0.05573253984260482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205453807077293,0.0,0.04075859973131992,0.0,0.13300984556507167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085940171902395,0.0,0.0,0.24913903308248575,0.0,0.23106521288440285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285071544706295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520911546659015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433970965447705,0.0,0.0,0.06903909597605135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632390692546787,0.07040982514422643,0.0,0.05207431790350276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226927371351153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601684749530854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153150751666232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054084427406329134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374755006252869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759186451393974,0.0,0.08021041037626409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420827713606877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138462711326344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005825870124805,0.0,0.0,0.055218039643502234,0.0,0.062301323995755414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853336167134575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881118080300631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182840518865614,0.2999256816501993,0.0,0.1238672980822758,0.09098007581773952,0.08966452693931012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436893797925068,0.09202823848104336,0.18576938809365587,0.06257736453416675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039464515733078,0.0,0.0,0.07520179809899087,0.0846018269374024,0.1135888617824702,0.0,0.0,0.05541823374358043,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hyejinny_,2019/05/26,"Medication problem Okay so I got diagnosed more than two month ago and I’ve been on sertraline (50mg) for almost two month. The first two weeks was hell ( I wasn’t able to go outside because I had a severe panic attack ) but after it seemed like it’s working well. After a month, I started having soreness on my leg whenever I try to sleep and get up in the morning. It was really hard to fall asleep because of the discomfort I had. I called my doctor and he said maybe I should stop taking sertraline. I used to sleep 12-14 hours daily basis before taking sertraline, but after I had a regulated sleeping schedule. But when I stopped taking sertraline, I couldn’t sleep anymore. It’s either I wake up around 4 or 4 or 5 in the morning and try to go back to sleep around 8 or I go to bed around 3 and wake up at 8. I lost 10 pounds since I’m on sertraline ( I lost my appetite), but now I’ve gained weight because first of all, I’m feeling tired and when I feel tired I eat a lot and second of all, I can’t stop eating for no reason. I’m keep craving something. I’ve also been more active ever since I’m off sertraline but I feel really lost and I really don’t know who I am.

I’m going to see the doctor tomorrow, but I really don’t know what to say. It sucks and I hate everything. I wanna die. But at the same time I feel super excited and happy about my life. I feel like I can do everything and I try to go out more and speak to people I haven’t spoken to in awhile.

I feel like I’m going crazy, my dosage wasn’t even high so I feel like I’m super exaggerating. I don’t know what kinda medication should I take or suggest to the doctor (I have a GAD as well and I think sertraline didn’t help with anxiety). Idk I need any advices right now.

Sorry for my bad English, I’m not a native English speaker. Also, I’m a bit drunk now, I’m feeling a bit dizzy. I kinda wanna keep drinking because it makes me happy.

I don’t know, I definitely want to get better and help people who are in need of help, but at the same time I don’t think I can get better and I’m just gonna be a huge failure so I should kill myself. I don’t know I’m just so annoyed but somehow happy? It’s so weird. It’s really hard to have an appointment with doctor and get a therapy here so I don’t know I don’t wanna put any effort anymore I’m so freaking tired of getting rejected.

Anyways, I need advice on medication :( I don’t know what I’m gonna day tomorrow to my doctor. I’m nervous and annoyed",0.4918425324675333,2.5426522481060623,3.2394155844155854,88.63090909090911,84.2840909090909,6.044155844155845,20.79220779220779,7.310402129719878,0.7045821428571428,1929,60,415,30,56,678,211,528,0.21100000000000002,0.638,0.151,-0.9857,0,1,2,0,0,2,52.0,0,0,0,12,28,33,7,3,19,1,34,28,9,3,3,88,101,42,2,12,17,0,11,4,0,5,14,4,1,0,13,23,5,5,19,2,0,8,17,18,2,6,15,16,57,15,54,79,11,58,1,4,1,0,11,22,2,10,32,248,70,6,0.05756214093294253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249811584097537,0.05102536483620963,0.0,0.05764016931031131,0.0,0.0,0.09206484661489084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828845944864192,0.0,0.04403488025919285,0.0,0.11417235279361244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372752793865746,0.0,0.06548524525169766,0.0,0.044261733278519635,0.048061983306773984,0.14035738736098322,0.0,0.0489811422819252,0.0,0.0,0.10181807183484326,0.12568589886995846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058777381725711585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03712281890464186,0.0,0.0,0.05842436137338895,0.059740414398366075,0.0,0.0,0.2945864518081148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563889839783577,0.0,0.11780088115727592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03801925120472795,0.05206825196860799,0.0,0.0,0.10346628128451016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328411840360936,0.12336721495186123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792465534385518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036921423854754,0.0,0.1962833472734976,0.0,0.04603770250572137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382790816033606,0.10312874383837724,0.05683069704443481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574806912848752,0.06081756227649299,0.0,0.0,0.056687113808641935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232775136362994,0.06368398040159573,0.0,0.22144253093696195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406578424556857,0.1124878179351565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850762967277784,0.04893727377954845,0.0,0.0,0.0384231760500888,0.0,0.057828907444739626,0.0,0.0,0.17396340343672514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783665515345045,0.0,0.0,0.1280447944036125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753676992869795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981268154688012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507919493588753,0.0,0.05786585040761447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843789072225021,0.05918346784009933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915775384253828,0.054754777624867496,0.04577572484504009,0.0,0.0,0.045869573728045385,0.05240241122253054,0.0,0.065028834842216,0.0,0.09523199562096313,0.0,0.288018558113572,0.0,0.0,0.04431414832194297,0.0,0.06443610409253951,0.04074277962305017,0.0,0.0,0.14437358184597476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311826513897974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658273247471455,0.0,0.0,0.07376699130489768,0.0,0.0,0.0671298945609481,0.19847763980823852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724274564590426,0.0,0.1686895427558302,0.0,0.0,0.0497152081179473,0.0,0.0,0.033951642105895324,0.0,0.04617287736158979,0.07009518032526954,0.1035105552678675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419059241609719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hazelrose88,2019/05/26,"How do you know when it’s BPD? I’m a 17 year old girl, and I know being a teenage girl comes with a lot of stereotypes and all of that but I’ve been previously diagnosed with depression and not GAD but above average levels of anxiety. Depression has basically killed me inside and my life is very hard to continue living most days. I’ve been like this for all of high school and I just hope I meet wonderful people in college that make it easier. 
Anyways, based on my mood swings and extremely unstable emotions, I think I might have more than major depressive disorder. After learning from my psych teacher about BPD and intensively researching the disorder, I notice a lot of its symptoms in myself. My question for the people of this sub is, how do you know when it’s BPD? I’d rather not go into all of my symptoms at the moment, I’m just looking for some tell-tale signs and way to go about feeling better.
I am so sorry for anyone who personally deals with this disorder. I hope a cure is found and that you all live the best lives that you can.
Also, I need to add: I am currently not allowed to seek therapy. As a minor, I don’t get to make all of my decisions, and my mother made me quit going to therapy after three sessions because she didn’t see a need for it and claimed I was just a little sad. I love her and she is not toxic, but it is really impossible to make her understand my mental illness so I gave up with her. My therapist tried putting me on medication for depression but my mother declined. When I turn 18 in 7 months, I will attempt to get the help I need, but for now, I simply cannot. Thank you for your time and advice.",4.562757484207637,5.290212429003027,5.8922287833012925,79.6158273825872,69.7250755287009,9.522713540236198,29.244850315847287,9.688023934748609,2.6188779456193347,1298,47,259,29,22,438,178,331,0.153,0.737,0.11,-0.941,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,6,0,4,16,14,1,0,13,0,21,7,0,7,5,67,52,27,1,6,13,2,2,1,0,2,6,0,0,3,14,20,0,0,11,0,0,5,7,6,0,1,7,4,43,7,43,42,12,31,0,5,2,1,23,11,0,9,15,182,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897101735074454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281102447214169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965144378269861,0.0,0.0,0.06366285388560666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550199420162547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554922173473024,0.08052452583866006,0.0,0.0,0.3440151727460444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842975964728471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587184050183076,0.0938664536981842,0.3136779143128353,0.09241176762117208,0.0,0.0,0.31304656669979564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024167055612432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603658663520861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982939382104604,0.0,0.0,0.09513760737431133,0.0,0.1552339696125986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156109272421036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102753152656151,0.0961971735807683,0.0,0.1808623453532745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073108305714576,0.0,0.1501127408597323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430987007252774,0.044481436539806095,0.09125397978329416,0.24119106270608195,0.0,0.07645735932822192,0.0,0.0,0.15481144735590235,0.08217434288742184,0.08615178564242112,0.1823256702995208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172124569886043,0.0917549337030658,0.09658750235120543,0.0,0.0,0.07267361677157078,0.0,0.0,0.20253273647107428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365871126749414,0.09553952303156532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262423894237437,0.07949957088826122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152835213540972,0.10199455776438404,0.096840717768996,0.0,0.0,0.05832765760021578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921454010905332,0.07255343984246056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192074226977577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926739392300956,0.0,0.0,0.07957993424521922,0.08382473321162984,0.20824256507585606,0.10571370453255834,0.0,0.05833985942109241,0.0,0.0,0.053090800402190816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181559148277041,0.09903404050730906,0.0,0.09478414222678544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512410618789715,0.0,0.07226963644124497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873763386595336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863190413902016
bpd,fightnotfail2019,2019/05/26,"I only feel fine when I’m at home with my family—why? So I’ve just been told to quit my job because I suck at it, but a big reason why I suck at it is because I feel so drained and hollow in front of people all day. (I’m a teacher.) 
I only feel ‘normal’ when I’m alone, or at home with my family, which is unsustainable as I’ve had to move away from my family home for my job. I can’t always expect to be around them forever, and nor do I particularly want to be—it’s only that my light goes out, my inner voice falls silent, when I’m with people I don’t know very well. When I’m in that situation, half of me is wondering what the other person/people want from me, while the other half is just watching myself try to live. I barely feel like a person most of the time. 
Is this BPD-like symptoms? Does anyone else feel this too?
This has been the worse 9months of my entire life in terms of my mental health/trying to hold onto my identity.
I want to get help but I appear more fine than I really am, so I don’t know if I will be able to get it.",2.7996052631578934,3.0126646622807023,4.880982456140352,87.1412105263158,73.4298245614035,7.834385964912281,20.901754385964914,7.793537801064563,0.5439838596491229,805,13,189,10,15,281,119,228,0.10300000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.06,-0.8502,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,12,6,2,0,7,0,17,2,0,1,1,31,39,16,0,6,6,0,5,1,0,1,2,1,3,1,12,7,0,1,9,0,0,4,4,2,1,2,4,8,28,4,32,32,4,25,0,0,1,0,4,13,2,5,9,120,40,2,0.11600289860705458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201440183131548,0.0,0.0,0.09652370443952504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111192390778997,0.1188586782112578,0.0,0.10326717380297894,0.0,0.0,0.10898854182324083,0.0,0.0,0.1414285805817656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610158992160754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481227292118862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151491830077224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969055366193616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187144176262795,0.0,0.2932727551641897,0.08287249394335491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121345335822285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233056566792066,0.0,0.0,0.07775429770015156,0.0,0.3490810968032896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302299546532151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750431867310325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193627789944344,0.11334631345333568,0.0,0.10243268474165257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169036376229753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232927229028653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365821088744035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646762950444267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412654113011269,0.20257851324659168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338336174763392,0.0,0.0,0.0743144272716615,0.11927030002353252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039211836525308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057142836931248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764222304837272,0.0,0.0,0.11084574081404797,0.0,0.15751670704787868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957145401571622,0.20526454538972166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043005372358076,0.0,0.20934914579241448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580019518699462,0.0,0.0,0.1182168640854734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shresearcher88,2019/05/26,"Self-harm and Bullying experience  hello! 

​

I am a counselling psychology doctorate student hoping to recruit for my doctorate research (based in London, UK).

How do people make sense of their past experience of self-harm and school bullying?

I am really passionate about the topic and I am interested in understanding peoples meaning of their previous self harm while being bullied (unfortunately participants must not be currently self-harming).

I am hoping to publish my research when finishing so those who work with self-harm/ bullying will better understand how to do so!

If interested/ fit criteria (18 and over only)  
You will be invited to a one to one interview with me at a day and time of your convenience.

Please contact me for more information/question/ if interested   
bullying.selfharm@gmail.com

https://i.redd.it/1v8e0otdeg031.jpg",9.476282225237448,12.749305895522387,9.238521031207597,50.524185888738145,60.94029850746269,12.932428765264588,41.28629579375848,12.079253325248375,6.785680597014926,706,39,84,27,11,228,89,134,0.127,0.7190000000000001,0.153,0.23600000000000002,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,2,2,6,8,0,0,4,0,12,3,0,3,1,19,18,13,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,12,7,18,12,1,12,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,4,7,65,14,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079458230800102,0.15789653364807013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492516337451088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380331606472942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266006970997299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542208970292447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581279972969805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673882161286259,0.0,0.0,0.14154742465847714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610722575494656,0.09882848692404653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404652688337582,0.180174016278986,0.0,0.0,0.14263980724403727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324563863174028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151055736431488,0.0,0.0,0.6778011635493608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757715596131582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705531741360814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460098966265153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789653364807013,0.0
bpd,SuicidalThrowaway87,2019/05/26,"Friends, trying to escape the Blackpill/Incel Mindset is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I keep getting hit with random triggers that leave me wanting to die So long I knew, fucking knew my life and future were hopeless and that my best option was to kill myself, most of the time I’m normal and don’t think of things, and then shit happens that reminds me of everything and I just wish someone would come and mercifully execute me, idk how to deal with this and this shit is one of the hardest things I’ve tried doing. I want to die and deserve to die because I’m fucking worthless, it’s a provable fact, so, like, if I’m worthless doesn’t it make sense to end shit? Like, every time I hear about people’s love lives, hear about how fun or exciting their pasts were (even shitty pasts sound more thrilling than my past of loneliness punctuated by suicide attempts and self-harm) I just wanna, idk, shoot myself, just for being such a fucking loser.

I’m sorry I’m posting again, BPD + Blackpill ideology is a fucking horrific combination to live with, I honestly think I’m like this because I was really just meant to kill myself, I’m alone and sad because I deserve to be because I’m nothing, I wish I could love myself but I can’t, I’m just fucking nothing, worthless, disgusting.",5.223508486398514,6.1953322529644295,5.745342943501513,80.37842362241341,68.36758893280633,7.8501743780516176,32.668914205998604,7.928766900206844,2.395226644966287,1032,45,189,12,17,333,134,253,0.198,0.6729999999999999,0.13,-0.9332,0,1,0,1,0,5,31.0,0,0,1,3,15,28,11,0,7,0,16,11,3,4,2,46,49,19,6,9,8,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,0,0,11,15,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,17,0,2,8,3,23,11,25,36,3,13,0,6,0,7,7,0,8,5,14,115,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954090985696964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462330750627954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667482459160644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602259679451525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935368932374183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355075622237209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497223296597188,0.0,0.0,0.2868197333876923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942712972046124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159145666778872,0.0,0.0,0.06084474864549996,0.08332830350552876,0.07761552907768841,0.0,0.08279200245345368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117210160736588,0.42581977959079903,0.048129180635877414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146189034024669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765309007292265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188096969154694,0.2038354600628312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754235196253573,0.0,0.0,0.0650674625695126,0.1350163297093202,0.0,0.1626882511920263,0.08152378008746296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628477009738893,0.0,0.061491176571060915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025857132187998,0.17678428755023498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484652561536826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638184406628388,0.06386478420226427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822601398903418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901477756663445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961018152031332,0.0,0.2836812351667952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780534356065755,0.0,0.0,0.10312140384075434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076492029138022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360238269992427,0.11805424625835673,0.0,0.0,0.10743245676158572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508760103173233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086701639078194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186815215891466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654397893928748,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,engi564,2019/05/26,"Just found out what has been plaguing me my whole life. yay... Yep so I literally just found out i have BPD. QBPD to be precise. I figured it out after everyone thought i had adhd, anxiety, depression, anger issues, social anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc... I mean to their credit I am a guy so it may have been harder for them to diagnose 

but nah it's just our old pal bpd. Worst part of it is is that I see all this potential inside myself and know what I could do if I could put myself into something.

I literally just feel like a swarming black hole of anger, depression, and fucking sorrow.

I dont have health insurance (USA #1 btw) 

and I've denied for government care despite not being able to afford living on my own. 

I am in such an intense state of dissassociation and suicidal tendencies that I just want to blow my brains out most days.

I feel entirely alone, literally all the time. I feel like the people who do know me treat me with a sense of caution. like I'm a stray fucking dog. it makes me so angry and so sad at the same time.

can anyone talk to me please?",2.8875135268076733,4.899360387850468,4.462444663059522,83.12999754058045,75.96261682242991,7.682833251352682,25.281849483521892,8.532816995589336,1.8117514018691598,849,30,167,17,19,284,134,214,0.222,0.669,0.10800000000000001,-0.9864,1,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,2,0,10,16,4,0,8,2,20,7,1,1,3,39,36,11,1,4,8,0,3,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,11,11,0,0,10,0,1,1,2,9,0,0,6,5,28,7,22,25,9,15,0,4,2,2,8,8,2,3,8,116,39,2,0.1275305508807488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326693921667486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208318951067669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512104471460975,0.0,0.0,0.08917232640882268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212405288314538,0.1423662716683661,0.0,0.0,0.13002589608859078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036455352458125,0.0,0.0,0.08224665497884287,0.0,0.2196837532024843,0.12944082464695342,0.0,0.0,0.14616106003811374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946485583425562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223027541069866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186090656824808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344983516884068,0.18221570206203175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27966133302791985,0.0,0.2357998785786665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627529569658855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555901198882098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310876164218174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401749111040448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007859961353308,0.18691495603016148,0.0,0.1126118128957046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512763300385685,0.0,0.0,0.13891815677123606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382186020159104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381031588423917,0.0,0.08841362638683806,0.0,0.0,0.13999024816139133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820342780966176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162533761587306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000133632194913,0.0,0.09817924864699262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949772361754484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250422602653712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124501209854582,0.14872817958417545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522082311210374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238330567982235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pinkpantsblackshirt,2018/11/02,"If you did something that ruined a friendship, would you want the other person to reach out to you? I don’t have BPD (at least I think I don’t). My friend does. Everyone that knows the situation says that I should just let it be and leave my friend alone. That they deserve me and I am waaay too kind. 

But... If it was me, my guilt would be eating me and I would like if the other person told me that they still care about me and I am forgiven. 

It’s not even to save the friendship but to give my friend some peace. To let them know that I still care. 

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bpd,2muchTQ,2018/11/02,Anyone else struggling with agoraphobia as a result of their isolation? Did it get better with therapy? Any advice? Even my DBT is difficult for me to go to even though I know it’s probably the least judgmental group of people I could be around.,2.574420289855073,5.521086586956521,4.07391304347826,79.50985507246378,85.30434782608695,8.284057971014493,22.88405797101449,8.841846274778883,2.487518840579711,197,7,34,6,6,65,40,46,0.17300000000000001,0.769,0.059000000000000004,-0.6848,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,9,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657785902859411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495773224620893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901768020994175,0.2786786730601741,0.0,0.2421224886494049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054681623423985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171562535966373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272068540865697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592843458179665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209986534963578,0.0,0.15457417796134262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494747159904748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855873122760589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932436210586253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843356324831385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31103620612317423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26722186679696297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,huckleberrydoll,2018/11/02,"DAE get annoyed when you see people use BPD as an excuse to be a shitty person? I follow a few instagrammers who will lash out/throw massive fits, get called out, and then say “I have BPD, leave me alone.” Like take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming a disorder that can be managed for your shitty behavior.",8.509,7.6112012333333325,8.533333333333335,69.50500000000004,61.66666666666666,10.666666666666668,35.0,9.725611199111238,3.2520000000000007,254,9,45,4,3,83,49,60,0.306,0.639,0.055,-0.946,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,11,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,5,8,1,7,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,4,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530897322293368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6155414608351145,0.0,0.2495252573502255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800648870188895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25534255374299264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587485691543774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938500361422585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694127853102813,0.2133711789935335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432984571606413,0.0,0.0,0.19472825860885354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043011223421677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373300405933288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110539757919208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sagittorius,2018/11/02,"Coming to terms with my diagnosis. Since 2011 I’ve been telling my therapists that I might have BPD. Most scoffed, saying “now that’s a diagnosis you really don’t want, blah blah, it will follow you around your whole life, blah blah, stigma, blah blah.” 

I worked on DBT skills to help myself recover from an ED, but once the ed was healed I found myself to still be quite an insufferable asshole. Dbt was still helpful in attempting to manage my emotions 

I’ve done everything on the list: threaten suicide to make a point (with no intention of following through), more risky sexual behavior than you can shake a dildo at (trying to be funny because I feel like shit), zero sense of self. My entire fucking identity changes every couple of years.. not normal growth, entire new identities.. I like to be stereotypical versions of things that can be tokenized because I like for my identity to be easily definable and to fit neatly into a figurative box. 

I’m shit at emotion regulation. It would be funny how bad I am, we’re it not for the number of relationships that have been destroyed. Oh, and I can’t relationship either. My husband is convinced he can “save me.” Thank the lord for him. I tray him like garbage because I don’t know better, and he accepts my weak-ass childish apologies and allows me to try again tomorrow. If t weren’t for him, I may have followed through with ending myself. 

I don’t want to end myself.. but I also don’t want to keep living like this. 

He’s the only person in the world who knows the real me - the broken, actual version of myself that I hide an cover with fake personalities when I’m in public. 

We have a 3 year old daughter. If I had know before, I never would have planned a pregnancy.

Now I’m terrified. Adulthood is hard, but BPD makes it even harder. I read a lot review article about the effects that BPD mothers have on their kids, and the outlook is NOT positive (Petfield L, Startup H, Droscher H, et al Parenting in mothers with borderline personality disorder and impact on child outcomes Evidence-Based Mental Health 2015;18:67-75.)

I love my daughter more than anyone in the world. She deserves the best, which I cannot give her.

I know that research shows that parents who have outside support are often better parents, but my family is fully of toxicity and personality disorders. Husband’s family cannot be trusted either.  I just lost my job and with it, the ability to pay for Montessori for my daughter.

And my mom is coming into town tomorrow.. I haven’t seen or talked to her in years, and our last conversation was a fight. She claims that she wants to have a relationship with me, but I’m so fucking vulnerable rn that idk if seeing her is a good idea. I want to, but I’m afraid. 

Idk what to do anymore. Thanks for letting me rant.",5.5585454736399935,6.705451625708889,6.424387208569628,75.17533737660156,67.71455576559546,9.280424280613316,31.707676958622137,9.516144504307137,3.011419617727368,2206,90,392,45,36,730,278,529,0.154,0.69,0.157,0.8284,6,0,0,0,1,1,78.0,2,4,1,10,14,29,6,2,26,0,49,8,2,6,1,71,83,24,1,11,16,11,2,11,0,5,3,1,0,7,21,23,0,1,10,2,1,7,14,11,0,1,11,5,61,18,59,59,11,46,1,1,2,3,53,20,4,9,24,262,82,7,0.0,0.0,0.07513232649509592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156985236838741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635460400492514,0.05383405251476369,0.0,0.0,0.06853851061257943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428445439350461,0.14079940286182838,0.0,0.06551385919857351,0.0,0.08079753744396959,0.136184958359366,0.0,0.0,0.2909032464797047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144650413965572,0.13264224086337428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518932267896329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647722109730327,0.0,0.0,0.07878875082481998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732095238922234,0.1363827408650101,0.0,0.0,0.05085197596914523,0.0,0.0648684250877091,0.0,0.06919474585604715,0.0,0.14516094400145638,0.0,0.03892907513969631,0.05500254433673391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441690093152203,0.0,0.14235428812500836,0.0,0.07385699559996498,0.0,0.06457658413857784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896901224010862,0.0,0.0,0.08183806864921761,0.0,0.0,0.1032111863206964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869137181652909,0.0,0.0,0.07640190783393877,0.06843333559227066,0.0,0.0,0.1692494483329049,0.06275812176172146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872874074741885,0.05438117695639176,0.18807011031258852,0.0,0.06798465951663564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404501360377961,0.06545518366031389,0.06948758373786673,0.0,0.10278447698172298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758904318576694,0.08167551965527324,0.0,0.09017118861587137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059380376717568024,0.07435860191127394,0.0,0.0,0.07543505071590237,0.0,0.0,0.08078933610734015,0.08199313864328474,0.0,0.05855529364187734,0.0,0.0,0.2564689219990123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26890306122876706,0.0,0.0,0.07278159049444381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188964156886794,0.07701205685699437,0.08763286609005434,0.04932254824697842,0.0,0.0,0.247979277605786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122650988719911,0.0,0.0,0.06135203579820714,0.0,0.08031863564387333,0.0,0.1580607658534141,0.06368793439320464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229705785880654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421590062019389,0.08736872626902173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061882627818845785,0.06729372150008431,0.1417663461289216,0.0,0.08939274276899198,0.05114954678796197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045439717199675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705708736674235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595794977975174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560505265325573,0.0,0.0,0.1093847101586642,0.0,0.0,0.14873946801688487
bpd,brajaxoxo,2018/11/02,"New identity Has anyone had a second identity or something similar? I’m not sure how to describe it and I’m bad at telling stories.
Last year I had a lot going on. 
What started as my internet name (Braja - play on my real name) became my actual name and I think it was as a result of stress. I was a sex worker so had all this money, had the big bad boi boyfriend, I was a coke head, socialite, flying interstate every week, I looked great - but it wasn’t me. 
Everyone knew me as Braja and knew no different. My best friend, my fuckhead boyfriend at the time, anyone I met. It did turn out for the best as it meant no one could ever track me down you know? I was THIS close to legally changing my name to Braja to keep up the fake persona I wanted to be. It switched one day when an older girl friend of mine called me by my real name in passing conversation. It was like a breath of fresh air and I realised how fucked everything was. 
So yeah has anyone ever done that and been super committed? Some of my friends said when reflecting on it  ‘uh isn’t that part of bpd?’ But isn’t that like old school definition bpd?",2.6071029343269667,4.2945603716814205,3.981690731252911,87.7016651141127,75.81415929203541,7.058779692594317,24.284117373078715,7.85451343220497,1.2148619469026545,868,28,181,13,19,286,132,226,0.111,0.693,0.196,0.9763,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,4,8,16,1,1,11,1,20,5,2,3,5,37,36,18,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,14,7,1,1,6,1,1,2,6,5,1,3,19,2,23,11,25,15,6,27,0,0,1,2,15,12,1,3,15,121,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.12347752493114801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654235216037275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112988028016762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26557622822352833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187266568680369,0.0,0.1292038898102394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385466968223889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102595222201066,0.0,0.0,0.08160303270369519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219959295296016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294867389059319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289118872752021,0.10660913816551024,0.120907282448736,0.11371930505974948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932762233519538,0.11697731177111145,0.0,0.0,0.07191136915856698,0.0,0.0,0.1395025928703861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985891006059747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124679521572884,0.0,0.0,0.06953898525115354,0.10314092356731154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236348337300174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062554814245003,0.0,0.0,0.10757345671728703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222059338458519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327746354828521,0.0,0.1714834731782918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370224307650968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880435070283345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036143916449507,0.0,0.0,0.12805770484299536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974109456515368,0.0,0.0,0.08956039643863041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449426186943958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192554392982148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059503361417614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107695457300075,0.0,0.0,0.07378215263399197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376310893284196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463218157619755,0.0,0.10149678641161554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148281938933165
bpd,MajesticBaguette,2018/11/02,Is my sister starting to hate me? I'm really starting to think my conditions are tiring her out and drawing her away from me. She's been avoiding me for a few weeks. I am really scared she's going to leave me and I can't do anything about it since she's avoiding me. It's taking a lot of effort to not cut myself cause I feel so worthless and such a terrible person for being such a burden to someone so close to me. I hate this. Any advice or encouraging words? Please help me I feel so horrible,1.0503496503496486,3.2322874615384656,3.4145804195804215,87.42132867132868,83.03846153846153,6.08951048951049,20.993006993007,7.348242739294969,0.8033000000000001,392,12,80,6,11,135,66,104,0.268,0.644,0.08800000000000001,-0.9681,0,4,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,3,4,0,7,1,0,1,0,15,17,7,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,1,2,20,1,13,15,2,7,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,2,3,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058804894618874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327410045949246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337710526377967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979469790963678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164331559266012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305893248914312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973803978195564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160187621455912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121877478153966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230866695172862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911819772885662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839633967762904,0.0,0.23127059896012064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699424386383575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109340230779456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742821177431216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851405716094262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982500941682848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841008933868794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499945454598866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421532326741236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900006760122793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cchhaammpp,2018/11/02,"I think a am on last few steps... Hey guys, girls, people :) I litterally have no f.. clue why am I writing this here but obviously I am.
I have like the story that is unimaginable. I have BPD. I am on the other side of the world from where i live right now. Escaped from everything and everybody i knew and destroyed. Alone knowing nobody not even language. Drinking tea in some akward nargila bar typing this...and... Well i think it is enough to get the picture. If anyone have anything to say...please
",1.2004326923076931,3.8344860625000017,2.5316666666666663,90.06461538461541,89.41666666666666,5.037179487179489,21.96794871794872,6.67199483983844,0.7042910256410257,386,14,75,5,13,124,70,96,0.08900000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.084,-0.128,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,5,0,10,3,0,0,1,12,15,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,10,2,8,14,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,3,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538448648769752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137636690839747,0.0,0.2016925889109438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086890123426226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401001334378887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532490138358747,0.0,0.1618831665945128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027589601780706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128052204017304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426829295397168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346979941208643,0.19978542203504165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197412073727641,0.0,0.2164236836948177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699182547498682,0.0,0.0,0.2690410926649386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093100890349484,0.0,0.1949096590874646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140944064964042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037015369512225,0.0,0.22116043050628928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bxrd3r1ine,2018/11/02,watching the light fade from their eyes ,4.274285714285714,7.691739285714287,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,84.71428571428571,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.6545999999999994,33,1,6,0,1,8,7,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ReasonableAnxiety8,2018/11/02,"Absolutely losing my mind over a girl a like who just broke up with her boyfriend and I don’t know what to do about it She’s an old friend of mine who I’ve always had feelings for, and she’s single now given that she just broke up with her boyfriend. I wanna ask her to hang out his weekend, but the problem is I’m super fucking afraid of going overboard trying to talk to her. I’ve already texted her a couple times this week, one of which she didn’t respond to. 

But on top of that, I’m super worried that if I don’t act quickly, she’s going to find someone else and I’ll miss any chance I have. She moved from relationship to relationship a lot and I feel like I have to do something like right now, and I’m stuck between these two places.

I don’t know what to do and it’s losing my mind. I don’t want to push her away by coming on too much like I always do, but I also don’t want to blow it by not actually trying while she’s still available.",2.497186991869917,3.3738298731707346,3.9000000000000017,91.44333333333334,74.65853658536584,6.247154471544715,22.934959349593488,6.079149491110277,0.2461154471544709,744,19,172,4,15,246,108,205,0.098,0.748,0.154,0.9112,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,10,15,1,1,6,0,14,1,0,0,0,29,31,12,0,5,7,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,13,10,0,0,5,1,0,7,7,8,0,2,4,2,27,7,31,27,3,26,0,5,0,1,23,10,1,2,13,116,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.1383048668208144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639899644632746,0.11333883335215035,0.23585602435874464,0.0,0.0,0.0963790522126503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249538256303048,0.0,0.1331569500173487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208504856175854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681795676110802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839451634242433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332260968930888,0.10124962082459217,0.0,0.0,0.1295356848539806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094977379757188,0.13102409960502304,0.0,0.0,0.16109315990782647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557786341988666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769621309299532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171119691258211,0.0,0.12049101739798458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862072380093957,0.0,0.0,0.1506331093749785,0.10418547091198076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487183865069987,0.0,0.09603771590465196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807429212174636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561336222330622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043229864207531,0.0,0.12103387287508552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008461808958185,0.10910817877777923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318316820397542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391459573085545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264200954373947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244632450710636,0.0,0.13844644420129193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718822213513693,0.0,0.11368465261371695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393039748358394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smolkinkyllama,2018/11/02,What meds helped w/ your symptoms? I used to be on brintellix and got switched to remeron. Honestly I am not sure how much is it actually doing so I was wondering,1.5571875000000013,4.203935343750004,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,86.1875,8.200000000000001,29.875,8.841846274778883,3.16385,129,7,25,4,4,44,29,32,0.061,0.845,0.094,0.2589,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,6,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.3515361861023818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28811184641529003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414570963981009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40013849925394734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648132631451724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395160562720616,0.374420808414929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111263079212553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906581469400483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,damnitlina,2018/11/02,"Advice needed I’m curious to know how other people with BPD deal with their partners looking up old flings and whatever else on social media. 
I’ve personally had meltdowns over it. 
I made it very apparent the impact it left on me, but still I don’t think he (27m) understands. He continued to do it a handful more times until I had a complete meltdown in public and we had to leave a wedding we traveled hundreds of miles to attend. 
He claims he has stopped doing it but every time he’s on his phone or when I’m away at work, I’m convinced he’s up to no good. 
(I’d like to add that he has never reached out to them or crossed any other boundaries along these lines)
I know that it probably crosses boundaries but I feel like it’s fair for me to ask for his phone and computer password to relieve some of my tension, after all, he has always had my password info and whatever else. 
I don’t think he will like that idea so I’m curious if anyone else has any other suggestions.
I feel like a prisoner to my thoughts and emotions and I just don’t know what the hell to do. 


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bpd,Coux22,2018/11/02,"Just got diagnosed I just got diagnosed today by a therapist, this was one of the best sessions I ever had. Ive been on a journey to know myself and why im such s emotional mess at times. And this therapist just had a couple talks with me and found where the issue was. I have Borderline personality disorder.

Im in shock but also relieved. Its like the pieces of the puzzle falls into place. Now I understand why I have such frustrated relationships, the way I act and react, the rollercoaster emotions ive been feeling. The fuckin tantrums. I come from a family who has depressions and I noticed the last couple years I was sliding. Feeling the way they do. So I think its passed on genetically and how we were raised.

Im just so dumbfounded because I think I am a very strong person with great qualities. So when I hear I got BPD im like.. wtf. im a self aware person and Ive been battling my thoughts like forever. But I now know where its coming from. 

Its crazy to hear you have BPD. It was a shock, but also a very insightful shock. 

Im going to get better and I will try my best not yo  let this disorder overshadow my good qualities. 

And im going to have more therapy. 

Reading post in this subreddit really helps. 

I feel that society sees bpd as a bad thing but in honesty Im living a great life and theres also positive sides to BPD, you guys agree? 

And are their different levels op BPD, like mild and heavy? 

Thank you. 

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bpd,QueerBruja,2018/11/02,"BPD + Bipolar Hello everyone, I'm new here but already feel like I relate to everyone. I'm C by the way:) 

Short background story: been diagnosed with BPD & bipolar at 13, 16,18 & finally - in June 2018. I'm a 26yr old female from the US. 
It's been a year since I left my abusive boyfriend/pimp. 5 years of trauma. Mental, physical, sexual & emotional trauma.
Been living in the streets , working as a sex worker to keep me high up untill I was 20
I'm sober now. On methadone treatment and I'm taking all my pysch meds. As well as seeing my therapist weekly and actually talking to her 

For the past month and a half I've been seeing the man of my dreams. He's perfect. He's so handsome and so incredibly intelligent. We have mind stimulating conversation that is almost as good as our sex.
I've attempted to warn him of my ""demons"" and how I have my moments where I just need to rid myself from society & that it's nothing personal.
Yesterday he noted how sad I was and how different I seemed. He wanted to make me happy by taking me to a bath house/ spa. I was so happy bc no one has ever been so thoughtful.
Fast forward to this morning, he realises that these places have dipping pools and he's not comfortable with that. (hygiene).  Ok that's fine, little dissapointing but ok....he says he'll try it anyway but on a different day. He insisted that we see a movie (that he wants to see) and have drinks + dinner afterwards.

During that time of texting back and forth,  I noticed I was becoming very moody & emotional. I already know what this means, so of course I explain my feelings as well as I can & if I can just see him tomorrow (mind you we have been seeing each other everyday...my mania is gone I guess) .
He says ok I understand. That's it.
I hate this cold shoulder he's giving me since he's never like this....

TL;DR: How can I thoroughly explain how my illnesses effect my daily life so my new S.O  understands what he is potentially getting himself into? ",2.277153846153848,4.594030048717952,4.1946153846153855,82.80038461538463,79.28205128205127,7.384615384615384,25.64102564102564,8.384062270229773,1.981102564102564,1549,61,296,33,39,525,211,390,0.09300000000000001,0.748,0.16,0.9796,2,0,2,0,0,0,77.0,5,1,0,5,21,18,1,0,12,2,22,10,1,8,4,53,56,32,0,4,7,0,2,2,0,1,5,2,1,2,21,16,2,1,11,5,0,2,3,5,2,2,12,11,43,13,36,43,2,39,1,1,6,2,33,15,0,4,25,175,64,2,0.0,0.09267029495666013,0.07632516524077929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831959588001337,0.0,0.17262124640521312,0.0,0.0,0.5084662449160087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060141410145068075,0.0,0.0,0.08638074694396139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970145155214191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050441284425900464,0.0,0.0,0.0793851306660392,0.0,0.16343307468342586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766195257597808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595948573765488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074865499450532,0.0,0.14947284239555497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909426557959646,0.055875792498433066,0.0,0.08567914666205234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086336397992302,0.07502958654851168,0.0,0.06560183458958584,0.0,0.0,0.08616106902824146,0.0,0.0,0.1665196066198945,0.0,0.0772197111729054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263693457004441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024796260259166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951981777642267,0.0,0.0,0.04298413450488218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497927640012261,0.0,0.05524455997586584,0.07642240253213436,0.07839054803701442,0.06906401829289859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220816761430347,0.0,0.0,0.08519751057866466,0.08687764811176589,0.0,0.07882088600589476,0.0,0.15794682599619553,0.0,0.0624293281244741,0.0,0.0,0.05799437367044846,0.06032312955627605,0.15107831322970575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504803315425204,0.0890466717656199,0.08207198839354565,0.0,0.05299954155095882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746637059055817,0.0,0.06829307549586094,0.08171653734171293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439714573624193,0.0,0.0,0.3739565501511805,0.07120269976987519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939815238444782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176137468658372,0.06286510765928892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081198708275247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209284077608007,0.04560696365391165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053101882296794765,0.0,0.0,0.1628461766165353,0.0940812986735876,0.0,0.0,0.06453438928192616,0.09226478412584684,0.06208229406014488,0.06273821084925607,0.0,0.14064679120303902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694041298866687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073395393442136
bpd,KitsUne24,2018/11/02,"england hospital help Does anyone in England know how to go about commiting yourself into a mental health ward and. Is it a good idea?

I've taken overdoses yesterday and today and while it hasn't visibly damaged me I'm scared I aint going to stop.

I feel out of control and while a big part of me wants to die part of me doesnt and I cant think of anywhere to go to be safe from myself.

So does anyone know who to ring or where to go to enter a. Mental health unit? Also I'm worried they won't take me seriously as while I've taken massive doses of pills I'm visibly fine.

Any advice would be helpful please. ",2.06875264270613,3.6915057131782953,4.259605355884428,85.41088794926006,77.13953488372094,6.8614517265680055,24.13037350246653,7.686295010490155,1.2349472868217055,483,16,99,7,11,167,80,129,0.068,0.768,0.16399999999999998,0.8615,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,1,4,0,9,4,0,2,1,20,24,13,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,7,0,3,5,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,2,2,9,3,19,18,2,16,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,6,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498340775172945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683344566130952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785435953554197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179550905875264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788490489432698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646031657462999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775862277311249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019361012648514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605472182706265,0.13302729112176062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33717164598486177,0.0,0.0,0.21261428910891186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790416238808421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432631298105825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196657232157893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34349962204237666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740966598306944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878762379498693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325978338187866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924848018447436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162534373630017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033553902227847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354718793294127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106737389403772,0.0,0.11266585153621665,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chickpea16,2018/11/02,"Absorbing the pain when they feel safe enough to stop walking on eggshells Practicing emotional regulation and attempting to rewire your brain not to overreact to every single thing is so difficult. To not need reassurance and unyielding support for every perceived hurt. I want to be a safe place to hear my fp’s feeling without internalizing them and making them about myself but I have been incredibly babied, I now realize, and there is a pool of resentment and swallowed words within him that is slowly leaking out. It’s understandable and I do deserve it. Hearing my fp’s true thoughts or even getting glimpses of them is terrifying.. just trying to absorb them and not ruminate and give him the space to be himself.",7.354470486111111,9.175342242187504,7.380104166666667,67.48225694444444,64.078125,10.68888888888889,37.65972222222222,10.746095033038511,4.662330555555556,589,30,90,16,9,189,90,128,0.10099999999999999,0.789,0.109,-0.2396,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,5,1,7,9,1,0,4,0,9,3,1,1,1,30,21,12,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,9,1,3,6,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,4,16,5,17,17,2,9,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,1,3,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260069465002008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227734837523878,0.0,0.20919032957344152,0.0,0.13371974271238532,0.0,0.3411544565406553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204734852972865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577448004731684,0.1942134648834394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563634232391006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673246674289964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514041052369866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011795709416886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154265948909067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152258176379146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692616030665754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297437488936732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345022313487174,0.0,0.0,0.1607268053354005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745378359542165,0.0,0.0,0.2107629913652058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119413315707247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515957724209249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drunkmotorcyclist,2018/11/02,"feeling like i hit a low point again i currently cannot work, my mental health is too much on me and i'm trying desperately to keep my head above water most days but it all feels like so much.

recently i split on my partner because he got a ride home from a co-worker. logically i know it's nothing, she's much older, does all the things he's highly against like smoking etc. and in general isn't a threat to our 2 year relationship and engagement but i can't help feeling? awkward about it. in a way i know it's because i'm insecure, i feel odd and useless not being able to provide or help my partner get to work like this rando woman can that he has no personal ties to

the thing that really got me though was the fact that my partner had arranged with this co-worker to pick him up in the morning as well and since i had split and was quiet and distant with him when he came home from initially being dropped off by her the other day he just. did not know how to inform me this was what he was doing in the morning and didn't tell me until roughly 1 am last night giving me less than six hours to process it.

i don't blame him for doing that, i know right now i'm in a rough patch but it did sting. a lot. it made me feel like my partner was hiding things from me and that i had shut myself down to the point where i wasn't even approachable as a person.

on the other hand i feel incredibly hurt that he hid it from me at all. it takes me a bit to regulate emotions and i jump through extremes quite fast. so i'm just a little upset he didn't tell me earlier so i could get over it within the hour or so after being told but now i keep dwelling on it BECAUSE he hid it from me. i'm unsure how to approach this situation or if it's even worth it.

i just feel hopeless and like i really am a slave to my BPD and that it will ultimately ruin this relationship i was also getting a lot better until recently so i'm overall just confused and lost and i feel like i'm back at square one ",2.7850629146648345,3.743218652482273,4.460690917410203,87.38516129032259,74.05910165484633,7.349317471211772,25.22908564020437,7.717688229018142,1.1567782963471358,1562,49,345,20,31,528,198,423,0.12300000000000001,0.755,0.122,-0.327,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,5,24,22,1,5,21,0,30,4,2,4,4,61,63,36,0,2,14,0,11,7,4,1,1,1,2,7,33,17,1,2,14,0,1,5,10,12,1,2,20,13,45,10,46,37,12,51,0,6,1,0,31,24,0,8,27,236,78,2,0.0852182357490587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814899234002167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552756308325912,0.0,0.15584473663667614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536860433356989,0.09303624210842,0.0,0.10732938472017356,0.0,0.0,0.09746695929988212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803982697466959,0.0,0.0,0.10991742425879453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457505237955793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958590451567384,0.0,0.0,0.09504085928348416,0.11257168199986088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447112041296943,0.2435196985861446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356903277773416,0.0817490969002766,0.0,0.0,0.13631361592502322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745849534014304,0.09058299961689142,0.0,0.0,0.1142399741985594,0.09003774487469014,0.1709616774530817,0.0,0.16784559261290227,0.0,0.09122788389484146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149176695035602,0.0,0.0,0.18733485487313215,0.06946423606189524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914332781334464,0.08541105985437153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302577102234176,0.14489899320180144,0.0,0.08063555515649852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858799380920934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793562583430504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997154140888339,0.0,0.08176919554974971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774608200883807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488185528709884,0.0,0.0,0.1611175555017935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906400834391032,0.0,0.0,0.10918596791697058,0.0,0.16828545399526385,0.18298498632010968,0.0,0.07277590770516669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070493405232571,0.09578886748605392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640735077429975,0.0,0.14896898838092534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984562759995278,0.0,0.08372648394683445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142967620548873,0.0,0.05785758820170212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764226895523155,0.0,0.0,0.07662142823708712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248159562278416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487774983278488
bpd,toniuhh,2018/11/02,"BOREDOM What do you do when you feel bored?

What are your coping mechanisms?
 




",1.4254761904761892,3.4784153571428615,1.4014285714285712,93.32690476190477,109.71428571428572,4.723809523809524,18.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.5709809523809528,61,2,11,1,3,18,11,14,0.314,0.6859999999999999,0.0,-0.6697,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hamjolinajolie,2018/11/02,"Trying to stay strong and not go to hospital I’m so close to having a whole year without going to A&E, but I had a thought today about getting sick/hurting myself just so someone will care for me. 

I’ve had two dates with this person and they’ve totally fallen off the face of the earth; they’ve not even seen my text from Wednesday. It hurts so much and I’ve used all my emotional strength not to contact them. I keep thinking maybe if they found out I was in the hospital it would spark them to reply. 

Previously I’ve taken overdoses of painkillers and sleep aids either to get seen by someone in the hospital or to block out the day. 

I know I can’t do this as it’s not a positive coping mechanism and I have so many other things I can draw on from DBT. I just don’t know who to turn to about these sudden urges again as my family and FP would freak out (rightly so) and I have been doing so well up to now. I’ve also sought advice about the dating situation and I’ve been told just to stop thinking about it. Easier said than done haha",2.988692202462381,4.44930374883721,4.160957592339262,87.75637482900137,74.30232558139534,7.291381668946649,23.809849521203827,7.928766900206844,1.1209835841313271,826,24,174,12,17,270,130,215,0.098,0.7829999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.5395,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,3,2,18,7,0,0,9,1,17,2,2,1,2,39,37,20,0,3,12,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,10,13,0,3,6,0,0,3,7,2,1,1,13,3,17,5,35,21,5,24,0,1,2,0,8,10,0,2,10,123,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485672846925239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158269651860368,0.0,0.1647303493768026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501027656163666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805028935046592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558505359568509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101942076714127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041798256450564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332549390637225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669902642592765,0.0,0.0,0.15886449790749288,0.0,0.17281050274658188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32551419296942746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513609588160724,0.0,0.0,0.16710941736126522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414008603268664,0.1527400470945657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176355108739824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327514929331192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983744581630274,0.1446205311948271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089421876276473,0.15214525078971594,0.0,0.2576382912355265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620495635153217,0.0,0.12710844607394958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100559908728884,0.19483635821239093,0.0,0.1206991668428034,0.0,0.0,0.1441118320298235,0.14527639029940428,0.0,0.10322209244897043,0.16537091435402365,0.14851654557891314,0.0,0.0,0.13130981657413532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669813061492395,0.0,0.0,0.16974215333345385,0.0,0.14655675091257545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216003246839434,0.0,0.0,0.09790584679892593
bpd,thisbutthead,2018/11/02,"Are there any coping mechanisms for feeling empty and lonely? I thought I could connect to people, but it turns out that I can't. I seriously cannot go on in life if this is all it’s going to be. I feel empty and lonely again, but this time around, I'm struggling to find any way of coping and looking forward. I don't think I could handle another meaningful connection to someone if it means going through this again, but I don't want to be lonely either. What's the point?...",5.017500000000002,5.379407416666666,6.0145833333333325,80.43875,68.58333333333334,8.483333333333333,29.541666666666664,8.344100000000001,2.0778041666666662,376,13,73,5,6,125,63,96,0.183,0.754,0.063,-0.8825,0,6,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,22,22,8,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,1,3,8,0,12,17,2,13,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,2,4,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028044659252849,0.23345652455862226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981960147694411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35551843436928426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251460524131036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348811785330687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795928196809707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572565912929309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869607836814957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425192653556699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434992960694358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046592719411467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864139982528735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23275074335084894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426581552524224,0.0,0.17675058844539238,0.12982265849466265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216742491598275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131831853079573,0.17672056665504726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shogunmaeve7,2018/11/02,"Why is it that I can’t just ‘like’ the males in my life, why do I have to ‘love’ them? I’m so fed up and feel so alone when it comes to the subject of love. I’m in a long term relationship, I’m 28 f and married but can’t seem to just have men as ‘friends’.

Honestly, I don’t know how or why my husband can still love me. 

Before I met my husband, all I ever had were bad relationships. It would crush me to see them leave me. 

When me & my hubby first got together, within the first year of our relationship - he went out with his friends clubbing, I convinced myself he was going to cheat on me. I tried texting, had no reply. Until finally I drove to my usual spot .. a bridge and rang him. I told him I’d jump if he didn’t come to me. He didn’t, and obviously I didn’t jump. When I asked him “what would you have done if I did jump?”, he just replied “I’d just have to get on with it”. I think I’ve always held this against him. 

About 4 years into the relationship, I thought he lost interest. He’d see his friends on my day off, spend more time with them than me. Told me he didn’t want to get married any more. 
So I ended up falling for someone .... long story short, found out he was married but I still miss him to this day. 

Me and hubby married, I was so happy that day. 
Last year we wanted to move. He contacted an old friend (female) who lived over 300 miles away. Suddenly, it was decided that we were going to move there! In my mind, he wanted to be with her. By this point in our relationship I still love him, but I had some surgery which greatly interfered with sex. I have said for a few years now that if he wants sex elsewhere then go ahead, I’ll still be his wife. (Isn’t this just odd, why do I still think like this).

A few months before we moved, I decided to tell a very close male friend how I really felt about him (he at the time and still does, have a BPD gf). We ended up sleeping together a few times. 
And of course, when me & hubby made the 300 mile move, I missed said friend incredibly. 

I saw him once, 6 months after we moved, and it became apparent that I was ‘just a good time’.
I haven’t seen him since, but why do I still miss him? Knowing full well I was just his sex thing. 

After that, I had no male friends, until..
My hubby’s friend from another country stayed with us for a while. We instantly clicked. Shared the same interests and he also had a few ‘dark’ moments in his life. It was nice to make a new friend who understood my ‘dark’ thoughts and feelings. And who I could chat to about anime & games. 
When he went back home, I was left with a void. 
I missed him as soon as he drove off. 
I went straight to the room he was staying in & slept there, just to be near him, just to smell him once again. 
I must mention that he is in a relationship and engaged to a man, yes he’s gay. 

I don’t want him sexually, nor do I really want anyone sexually any more. I just want to hold and be held by him and just give him a kiss. 
For better or worse, I actually told him this. 
He didn’t freak out, just said that he would decline any offers, but was flattered that I felt that way. 

Yet, I still want to snuggle up with him. 
Why don’t I feel that strongly towards my husband?

Does any one else struggle or relate with me?

I just feel so empty. 
Sorry for rambling on.  ",1.7063628185907052,3.169344663768115,3.1070464767616213,93.97565217391306,77.72463768115942,6.381809095452273,21.606696651674167,7.0983637204850245,0.3294657671164418,2518,67,597,28,58,822,277,690,0.073,0.7659999999999999,0.161,0.997,1,1,0,0,0,0,109.0,9,1,3,6,46,39,1,1,24,1,54,14,2,4,4,103,121,46,0,16,24,4,6,2,10,4,2,4,2,5,30,36,1,3,17,3,1,19,15,9,1,3,51,16,103,30,82,60,12,111,0,5,5,9,107,36,0,8,55,379,133,0,0.0,0.0,0.04919530041704173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221211720715211,0.0,0.04031483550683652,0.04194721501930307,0.21848756865145974,0.0,0.13712883823976954,0.052861872255406665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035249572450062064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04712885597514055,0.0,0.04736417675892388,0.03876407905908304,0.04209230824551269,0.0,0.0,0.08579460094221808,0.0,0.0,0.044585734605254335,0.0,0.0,0.06349274349435516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685176130795356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04025025665400104,0.0,0.0,0.09753562142677724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823258763959704,0.05158946151578924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04211315142468552,0.0,0.0893009736493607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045600966936351336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196024192489002,0.0,0.0968077573711536,0.055224398744746266,0.0,0.08576164556630346,0.0,0.05527467330421276,0.3505369561226593,0.0,0.05267687166353285,0.04836023661103545,0.08595170848611862,0.04228358956528613,0.04031945898730551,0.05557992816135323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366501367635742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050567819624577286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541075223259136,0.041092893002304336,0.0,0.05337952867890098,0.054773298145357176,0.0,0.07121563945119212,0.049257974605100965,0.0,0.044515136222881266,0.08922690235852741,0.0,0.0,0.05503116814920105,0.0,0.1819968962341039,0.047701499765647866,0.03365071640403965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090222556537318,0.0,0.08047750809916801,0.2679023970304683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486886794308853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289940889230123,0.10737527442214463,0.034160795595262625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765608062779717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459104067548123,0.0,0.0,0.3247447704102153,0.0,0.0,0.14386141514319814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034442624339358,0.045893620991624515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041701717643723636,0.0,0.050448879111636175,0.0,0.04271432378469005,0.0,0.0,0.05643263488090059,0.0,0.1074659747503662,0.3220757209743632,0.0,0.0,0.05270206127511338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440627223967765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033491806227956576,0.06460455276118783,0.0,0.08004374300639533,0.11758367091563357,0.0,0.0,0.1445138316302592,0.0,0.03422675920923477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063999648440613,0.0,0.05552221549749276,0.04159556887874823,0.2378766562071944,0.04001507362916479,0.0,0.0,0.04532686646729755,0.14019859933479015,0.2729364879949395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051374615650065084,0.107434720745093,0.0,0.0,0.12985591607609348
bpd,Comeondown97,2018/11/02,"Random question / rant? Who / where do you drink? My partner gets shitty at me for drinking because I’m too loud. But it’s like one of the only times I get so happy and bubbly and great.. idk why they hate it but then they drink around me all the time. Even when I try join in it’s just.. nope. (is that a bad thing? Idek)
And my friends hate it too but tolerate it so I just drink alone and that’s not good lmao. 

",-1.292770979020979,0.7419087613636393,0.3250000000000011,104.78923076923077,97.75,3.1622377622377624,13.587412587412588,4.713530739802397,-1.5373891608391608,313,6,78,1,13,99,63,88,0.221,0.634,0.145,-0.7916,0,1,4,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,0,10,8,2,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,14,7,11,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,9,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,10,5,5,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,5,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803674238866496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503089019671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454084149387056,0.10616054424361407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6824048627341109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150247799710918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454826438950085,0.0,0.18197292407551674,0.0,0.0,0.14606919869409882,0.0,0.1920015697217334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538647324419366,0.0,0.34387517986293104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508115032135727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180089034694788,0.1324493225471967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950884453416024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156978711796022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309714438551105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823677561408473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714376233458324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fat_squeek,2018/11/02,"I just split up with an abusive partner I always tell myself I'll never dump anyone ever, but it's been me in every relationship I've had. I'm having such a hard time, it feels like my whole life is collapsing. I still love her, and I wish I could be happy and be with her. I'm financially dependent on her too, so housing is really unstable. I guess I'm just venting, I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how I'm going to recover emotionally.",5.323473684210526,4.180793347368423,7.718947368421055,73.56263157894739,68.15789473684211,10.968421052631578,30.578947368421048,10.355215969177356,2.920326315789473,348,11,73,8,5,128,67,95,0.13,0.6809999999999999,0.19,0.8446,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,2,0,9,2,0,2,3,18,21,6,0,2,5,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,12,4,7,16,1,9,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,3,5,48,15,0,0.0,0.25574504109722085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796031480380436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092620990721078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723373721252092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428003813545013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952472222906472,0.1818615742972872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913942925653024,0.15420212977129996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453432234814049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377813316544801,0.0,0.0,0.22977462011108726,0.19335775651645296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906005657513536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524600981148629,0.10545261826062853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948115952498657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647558157333833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827800290235442,0.0,0.0,0.231740387086193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237679952947702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034345489278547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886610028805424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258629294257019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098701408545145,0.24821499094923746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zikken,2018/11/02,"Idk what to do anymore I reconnected with a friend four years ago and feelings started for her, she had them for me but I was so oblivious and never asked her to be my girlfriend. She ended up dating a guy a 5 Months after us reconnecting. She never told me about him as she was afraid of hurting my feelings, I found out eventually and she told me she was ready to break up with him.. It didn't happen cause she's doesn't want to hurt people. It's been three years  now and they are still together but she wants to break up still.. She says she has feelings for me but I ask her if she's going to end things with the guy and she always says yes it's gonna happen soon, but it never happens. I'm constantly in pain and I keep thinking she's gonna abandon me, and just lieing to me that she does like me more than a friend. 

I've tried ending things but I just can't.. I'm so tired of emotional pain each day",1.5978177384943602,3.2540680259067365,3.022103017372753,93.61642791831758,78.58549222797927,5.9919536726607765,20.161231331911004,6.794906146795322,0.08880761962816175,711,17,164,7,17,232,105,193,0.11900000000000001,0.77,0.111,-0.3685,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,0,9,9,0,1,5,1,12,3,0,1,3,33,33,16,0,3,8,0,3,1,3,2,3,2,0,2,8,12,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,9,5,37,3,24,21,2,27,0,3,0,0,33,5,0,1,20,114,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658860526712972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005222224821284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924923891677786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22482287656803396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352319430910574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994050328184356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754710825354179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522589478216272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525775011519126,0.3195001453053348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823961754229018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318407883714216,0.18579965545352428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833715052047667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381199339389625,0.3189927826209681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574463015610114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687794524333244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874489904059747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597721234431174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27821759365177723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25589511781978164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336170095029426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912449105258437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510896626936386,0.0,0.1920532245159274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976887326949246,0.07704717784165482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820221159796675,0.0,0.2297956291585009,0.0,0.081637441667166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446381220444954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418454602024933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486573982935234
bpd,Leuhhhhh,2018/11/02,"How do I find my real passion not my people will love me if I do this. How do I find my identity not this face I put on for every random person I meet so they like me Like I meet a person a gauge they’re ideals, oh yeah here are some buzzwords I learned while I talked to other people in the community. I’m the cool chick, everyone doesn’t love me but I think they do because i relate and I’m easy to talk to. The thing is I have been so many people and I had so many visions of myself I don’t know what the fuck I am. Hookups and relationships forget about it, I do what I can to keep them around. We sleep together and then they are my favorite person in the world. Fuck who am I. I want to be me I don’t know who me is though. I feel like a coward be cause I have no ideals I personally stand by. No political ideology, no passions. It’s all a copy of what I think people like. It’s fucking with me so bad right now especially at the age I am right now. Right now tho drugs are my personality, sex is my personality. I gauge my life on how many people want me. I am vain and I want plastic surgery, and change every aspect of my outer self. I don’t care then people will love me. But Is that really me What do I do?? ",-0.13609108653220406,1.8403607962264168,2.5345478204294096,93.1667924528302,86.32075471698113,5.466493168510084,17.439817826935588,6.8039241337230125,-0.1705718932986331,941,22,225,12,29,327,126,265,0.12,0.687,0.193,0.9269,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,4,2,15,18,3,0,10,2,31,13,2,4,1,37,49,21,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,8,14,9,0,1,8,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,2,2,52,13,18,43,2,20,0,0,0,9,23,11,3,3,11,157,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453082516044406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792841561087925,0.05788419580773953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681380249120727,0.09754579956938522,0.10045068297843944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101186223838146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000877318498638,0.09073436980476264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048012523395678935,0.06783646766106824,0.0,0.0,0.17357582625962936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633554187153431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440110930911457,0.0,0.0,0.10437048746507598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707011460030499,0.1855624987546317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571040458540073,0.0,0.0,0.28881093904530475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949825205610472,0.4974706362308629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545684138337912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808052896917487,0.060831139531177365,0.0,0.0,0.10194703080723502,0.0,0.24327529336851686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905964524259084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502441119814252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264380698881425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308443760923511,0.12168773013304128,0.09329362599593066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802223551775053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thr04w4yacct,2018/11/02,"My partner just found out they have BPD and I'm scared. This post is probably going to make me sound like a horrible person, I'm sorry.
So I've been in a relationship with this person, B, for a while. It's the longest relationship either of us have ever had and our first real relationship in a lot of ways.
It's been hard, but all relationships are hard, you know?
They've always been open about their mental health, and have had a diagnosis of bipolar disorder for a long time, but it was fast mood swings, not the slow ones lasting weeks or months that I'd read about.
I'm also mentally ill, I have depression and anxiety, but nothing as life altering as what they have to deal with.
I've always worried, but the new BPD diagnosis made it more prominent for me, that I'd accidentally drive them to hurt themself, or even kill themself.
I don't want that to happen, and that pressure is terrifying, but they seem to think that I'm the best person in their life, so leaving them isn't an option.
I love them so so so much, but whenever I don't communicate my feelings exactly right, I hurt them so badly, and it's horrible.
I feel like I have so much power over them that I need to be so careful with, and I have no way of reducing it and no knowledge of how to use it responsibly.
And I would be an asshole if I communicated this because they're so scared of being a burden or even an inconvenience, and I think me telling them this would make them think they are one.
I'm sorry if this is incoherent, I'm not having a good day. Nothing happened, I'm just swimming in my brain.
",5.82861635220126,5.526125572327043,6.9220125786163536,76.90144654088051,66.86163522012578,10.211320754716985,31.50314465408805,9.861636050157227,2.7725144654088054,1244,44,255,25,18,421,155,318,0.251,0.701,0.048,-0.9969,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,1,13,3,18,16,1,3,15,0,27,7,1,5,3,55,53,35,1,6,16,0,4,2,1,2,5,1,0,4,19,15,0,0,9,2,0,3,7,9,0,3,8,5,34,6,29,40,7,26,0,3,0,1,27,8,0,8,14,176,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413342356520458,0.1542702888061825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091645834273959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740195083947657,0.05651002543491065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728459361118576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335088007979457,0.1034856264627706,0.0,0.0,0.0945154435487041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059784852937496226,0.09557126301984126,0.07984373882041933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624404702920756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224570444344232,0.08385389037001413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937454129032328,0.06622603042934394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885192034750554,0.0,0.10164250249252857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052684446732385364,0.07775369081114213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395140989452486,0.0,0.16608482237956235,0.0,0.0,0.09853744931254313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847792683390497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256056827375573,0.0,0.05094636643908306,0.07556416401458123,0.0,0.09815759284427428,0.0,0.0,0.13095574116895098,0.09057862321538672,0.0,0.0,0.0820379850592985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881157203033581,0.0836667992468148,0.08771648060482856,0.12375805487437552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684278689168016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399352025603684,0.0,0.136292661853337,0.06873705022685038,0.0,0.08953176788897471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778993408451535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563398547209892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428303435353978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878249278564694,0.0,0.09994798702496524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272667078114533,0.10551469802488016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981072362525718,0.0,0.07916664657829395,0.0,0.0,0.18562091584486534,0.0,0.0,0.08439204082418035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754366832611296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102527076719257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781982965032899,0.0,0.0,0.054055039359283116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150859200724418,0.08006440496136058,0.0,0.0,0.05467779630370823,0.14716440561146155,0.07435961934503113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414295881629828,0.0,0.13170509166127098,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hmmdttt,2018/11/02,"I think I texted a super creepy text to my fp Basically my fp cares about me, he says.  We were fwb for a couple of years. He told me last month he has a new girl. 4 days ago he said she makes him a better man. Total gut wrench. Anyways. Today I sent him a text that said. “ I’m addicted to you. Do you know that?  You need to block me and cut me off”. I didn’t think. I impulsively sent that. Now I can’t take it back. When I read it I feel like a insane and creepy person. Kindof sounds scary right? Now I’m going to think all sorts of bad things about myself. ",-1.5111909353905482,0.4630747950819654,0.8465284474445518,101.77547251687562,96.13114754098362,3.854194792671168,10.455159112825461,5.5289334501034215,-1.6687826422372225,423,4,108,3,17,141,79,122,0.115,0.754,0.131,0.4657,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,3,0,2,7,6,1,0,6,0,5,2,1,1,2,15,22,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,3,0,1,5,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,7,5,22,4,10,15,2,16,0,0,0,0,20,2,0,2,12,58,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169213848158037,0.0,0.0,0.17638686575463444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300602809850736,0.1661429099947846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759847345117221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287693863422115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017145675265712,0.0,0.12832789526514007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006120358045426,0.14215385133836456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130869079738936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935612710077697,0.16219810953786304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721328649413194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328230306156327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882673037003178,0.0,0.0,0.1475437430877009,0.0,0.19217950313553706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737447160458721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990373466123355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993082079189825,0.37855774834121897,0.1582396648996299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961082733442324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219579490006608,0.3825017743877092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886130903814897,0.19013726040320936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281388493301546
bpd,rl_rm,2018/11/02,"Loneliness I recently found out that I was pregnant and two days ago I had an abortion. Before that I was stable for over a year. I followed dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and I was kind of happy. (With ups and downs)

The one thing that never went away was feeling lonely. I (f26) have never had a boyfriend. I don’t really know how it feels to be loved. I don’t know if I’m undateable, or I don’t open up enough to people or... 
(The person who I was pregnant with is a friend who I have sex with, since 4 years. We don’t hang out the normal way, we just have sex and then he leaves)
The feeling of being lonely is just more intense now, I think with the pregnancy hormones. I have to cry every night in my bed and then I cry because no one is here to hold me. No one was ever here to hold me.
I always made a deal with myself that if by the time I’m 30 I have never had a boyfriend, that it’s okay to commit suicide. But now I feel like I can’t wait any longer. It hurts me so much to see people so happy with their partners. I don’t want to feel this pain any longer. ",0.5166014809189292,2.4104171135371217,2.5148775393962417,94.76581165749006,83.10480349344978,5.379988608315929,18.690146193278906,6.498293943080001,-0.12891585342699807,825,20,191,8,23,276,123,229,0.13,0.746,0.124,-0.6449,1,4,0,0,0,2,30.0,2,0,1,0,10,11,0,0,12,1,25,4,0,2,5,44,43,15,1,4,7,0,5,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,12,16,0,3,9,0,0,3,11,4,0,4,12,6,28,7,26,29,3,28,0,3,1,3,11,9,0,4,16,137,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139792141629246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698961336932293,0.0,0.0,0.17487884926694144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080599288085295,0.0,0.0,0.07838172624888995,0.0,0.10941287973181593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824801729172374,0.08292404649816422,0.13256126709605154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285844671713448,0.0,0.0,0.11630878997669787,0.10833495811934044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32507184498323377,0.09185822423036218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098232560163926,0.0993412882515013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27375352866934144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376485181860452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389722600448506,0.14132940542394065,0.0,0.0,0.13614861278786242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281813531518735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604928690464388,0.12166636127606988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452175989042427,0.0,0.29750856211370885,0.0,0.0,0.12066446904189568,0.12598198659806892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26138924680294595,0.0,0.1368191485578163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828361937538895,0.11227188665746027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237222025123568,0.0,0.1269581315807753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246233386656402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636345334214732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406466405548655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704347081518354,0.0,0.08542343985698267,0.08238945206060483,0.0,0.0,0.07497655973120161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256048606579048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584034919089222,0.10206153744793853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191957871406344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560377427091594
bpd,rodrigueznati1124,2018/11/02,"I feel so guilty for having BPD. I have a daughter who turns 3 this month. I love her more than anything in this world, sometimes at the end of the day when she’s sleeping I just lay down and almost cry. There will be spells where everyday is a constant struggle for me to get out of bed and start our day. I manage to do so, but I always feel like during those days I could be doing more but i physically can’t. I try my absolute best to be a consistent parent. I try to be happy for her even through my spells, but sometimes it feels like everything is grey and life weighs so heavy on my soul. 
Then I worry how I will be with her when she’s her own person, making friends and wanting to live life. Will I feel she’s abandoning me? 
When I get my happy spells, I want to hold onto that feeling forever for her. When it’s a good month, months, days, weeks, I want that day to last forever so she never has to see me holding on for life. 
But the sad spells just seem so dark sometimes man. 
Having to literally force myself to maintain the house in immaculate condition even during my depressive spells exhausts me. I have no one to talk to. No one to understand me. I’ve pushed away everyone in my life because I felt they didn’t deserve to deal with my ups and downs. 

In regards to my daughter, it’s not her fault i have BPD and yet she has to deal with me, my loneliness, and my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit. 

Yet she has been what keeps me going every single day since the moment i found out I was pregnant. When her father cheated on me, I picked up and left with her. I wasn’t going to force him to love me for fear of being alone. It’s been almost 3 years and I’ve been single. 

I can’t imagine a world with out her. I don’t even like to raise my voice at her, or put her in time out when it’s required. She’s so fun, and kind. She’s sweet as can be and has such great manners and a rock star attitude. I look at her and see such a hopeful little person.  I just have this fear lingering that I’ll never be mom enough for her. Sooner than later she will realize something is wrong with me and hate me for it. I just can’t stop feeling guilty. ",1.8080974358974369,3.442679108888889,3.2011111111111106,92.66346153846158,77.91111111111111,6.215384615384616,21.538461538461537,7.010146845296331,0.3929641025641031,1669,45,376,18,39,545,202,450,0.138,0.7070000000000001,0.155,0.8923,1,2,1,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,1,2,27,27,3,3,12,0,39,11,2,3,2,65,67,35,0,5,10,5,7,3,1,4,6,1,1,4,15,25,1,6,12,1,0,4,11,12,0,2,8,13,76,15,61,46,7,61,1,3,4,2,41,26,1,5,34,264,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720140243439166,0.0864679022179743,0.0,0.0,0.06946831273313306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687031233209849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843928236766606,0.0,0.0,0.050893223184428925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761501161883832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102992420031105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022036008645523,0.0,0.06665799900046546,0.0,0.09170713107161656,0.32305529932215304,0.1721439543321002,0.07190768697047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394517087716462,0.08626493577394823,0.0,0.1654281778748721,0.0,0.07034184453575283,0.07977591238047167,0.07503320836163202,0.0,0.0,0.18789336359032885,0.2532828211285805,0.11928701575763895,0.08016112107750005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153976705132427,0.06450225832432395,0.0,0.08723757686514974,0.0,0.09489577416622462,0.0700253788493237,0.0,0.0920452961995498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774805555894566,0.0,0.08242665107381705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292195478855323,0.0,0.09633339999045257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420755239218195,0.0,0.08693941474552158,0.0,0.06805347961431077,0.0,0.0,0.09070944526915167,0.0,0.2358788449058594,0.12236336963824253,0.08367643769172065,0.07372101826226349,0.0,0.07010849805229734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070151019838018,0.0,0.055728574346927774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777958571748134,0.19991684899856568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878145945100267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314662155913327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270302161703453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579618128979274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392802673014561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305750396234384,0.07600391144048402,0.0,0.0,0.08569874945961586,0.06906174728047862,0.0,0.08354782336682988,0.0,0.0,0.06427277917267529,0.24771390484675435,0.0,0.059092903209348235,0.0,0.0,0.06979931312937426,0.0,0.08727929309861356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710411389842534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048682249940300966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336510476295583,0.0908104582347898,0.0,0.08691346273376191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772932426243027,0.0,0.06696866041220942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478563896239989,0.0,0.0,0.09128050760366103,0.0,0.05376323186217703
bpd,rabbitheart99,2018/11/02,"So I threw a tantrum in front of everyone yesterday and didn't realise (tw: self harm) Yesterday was really shit because my partner was going out on a date (we're poly) and I was kinda jealous because I don't have any new romantic interests and from what I've been told I basically threw a tantrum in front of everyone at my house and made my partner feel really terrible for going out. 

They told me I need to be more aware of that sort of thing for next time but I literally had no idea I was doing it, like trying to be the centre of attention while everyone was working and just dumping issues on them. 

I don't know what to fucking do, I'm home alone and my partner is at work and I just want to cut myself really fucking bad and isolate myself from everyone because I feel like a monster and can't even get any comfort because what I did was wrong. 

On top of all that, I've been really unstable lately and my partner has been suffering from seasonal depression so I literally haven't been there at all to support them and that makes me feel terrible and like I have to hurt myself really bad to make up for it. They want stability out of me right now and I don't know if I can provide that because I get so fucking caught up in my own bullshit. 

I dunno. I just needed to get this out of my head. I'm basically paralysed in bed and don't know if I'll move at all. I want to do something like shave my legs but that's just gonna turn into a bloody mess. How do I get through this? ",5.048023088023086,4.844047727272732,6.446320346320344,79.32241702741705,68.48051948051948,10.091197691197694,32.37085137085137,9.861636050157227,2.934646608946609,1172,47,245,25,18,401,141,308,0.218,0.6940000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9940000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,4,3,11,26,9,0,6,0,30,6,3,4,3,50,63,23,0,7,8,0,3,4,4,1,0,0,2,5,13,19,0,0,8,0,0,8,8,19,0,0,19,3,38,7,42,41,5,38,0,3,0,3,11,20,4,5,14,165,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501461662154038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790412212525652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693211403621348,0.30904718307346146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733134476085301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669704257584361,0.0,0.0,0.3875489812693686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380504022515187,0.07243659153507315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812140659997782,0.2118987613783348,0.0,0.11525020368770796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406049843208023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101707428760134,0.0,0.0,0.1169961894339094,0.10854541953963627,0.1144625867303558,0.0,0.10583001231728892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717208227728186,0.0,0.11437795004704945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814585561374892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594237847676894,0.13536386843651435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776681360966732,0.0,0.15036618073977145,0.0,0.09792790022204093,0.1078347079036546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247810918493473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659075599452601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577707400535674,0.0,0.1040804863839547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805880668880583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506181784870766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736231700847396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591242262460254,0.0,0.0,0.1937744906346843,0.0,0.06884053336307172,0.11028861822867833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941615273688755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763350113071244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085948965031607,0.0,0.0
bpd,Agirlsdarkheart01,2018/11/02,Black and white thinking I am having a hard time getting over my black and white thinking. All or nothing no grey area. I feel like I put my boyfriend on a pedestal then knock him down when we disagree. I dont know hot to change my thinking. Help? Ideas?,1.198235294117648,3.6612875490196077,1.1446078431372584,101.99573529411768,85.27450980392156,3.4000000000000004,24.18627450980393,3.1291,-0.2404666666666669,199,8,44,0,6,58,40,51,0.102,0.7509999999999999,0.147,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,9,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,4,9,1,8,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,1,4,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984363265398429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306323179090315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264393914763296,0.2015403540715933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473914995532462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527162936634603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909324364954944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184692952651788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504098107991726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378253209183576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706933807642869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835997550326929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5422965492480234,0.0,0.0,0.16450135545186947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pulpishkeen,2018/11/02,"An ex of mine got admitted to the psych ward i'm in no way trying to justify the emotional damage i've inflicted on him by saying that i have bpd symptoms and that it's my mental illnesses' fault instead of my own, i'm so sorry

here's the back story: i cheated out of fear on my boyfriend back in june, i also broke up with him multiple times and every single time we got back together except the last time where i had to remove him under friends' advices, in between the break up and today i committed myself in another relationship with one of his close friends, this information i kept from him until it came up one day in our group chat and he told me he didn't need it right now but then messaged me back later saying that he still loves me and wish we were happy, but it was toxic and therefore i followed our friends' advices

yesterday he added me on facebook and steam, i accepted his friend request on steam and messaged saying what's up, then i got anxious and deleted him because he didn't reply, he added me again today and told me he was admitted to a psych ward. i don't really know how i feel. i think i feel guilty, because i'm the biggest cause of his sadness, and i don't know if i want to visit him out of guilt or i genuinely care, i'm really confused and scared because i can't tell if i care or not. i feel like i want to visit him and get him warhammer books for him to read in the psych ward and talk to him but i don't know how to 

i don't really know who to talk to as i feel that i can't disclose this information to my boyfriend, who is the only person i could really confide in and trust 


tl:dr; an ex of mine that i was emotionally abusive to got admitted to the hospital and i don't know if i care out of guilt or genuinity and i'm scared because of it 

",6.633466666666664,4.808848306666668,7.607533333333336,77.62676666666668,65.93333333333334,10.893333333333334,34.166666666666664,9.725611199111238,2.960066666666666,1405,50,300,24,18,479,166,375,0.135,0.731,0.135,0.6017,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,4,0,0,0,14,23,1,6,12,0,17,3,0,4,1,65,53,34,0,8,11,2,4,1,4,0,2,3,0,1,15,26,0,1,16,3,0,5,11,11,0,2,15,7,58,12,51,37,2,50,0,3,0,1,55,23,0,7,21,201,73,5,0.0,0.1060447695442634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491987010468948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715744032275574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385023931278344,0.0,0.10111134092004637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752848464282312,0.0,0.21823739697224698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272414156615393,0.0,0.0,0.10236599554527574,0.2737585616224624,0.0919428053138504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714597508224388,0.0,0.0,0.05772113259122444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013545238299219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540896453973253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071419143005657,0.18101880801358705,0.06393996632222403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276594879921828,0.0,0.04676089590608189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863304467641935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527612552040876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459387142212961,0.07295575577965682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372596455168982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080778695196553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019656941503072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636430793300943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129721120131412,0.06807000564424978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814935148112498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952582796343095,0.0,0.2293480864834725,0.0,0.0,0.09609123147498942,0.0,0.07643388382548527,0.0,0.21352581198322576,0.17921344569313405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018972205589556,0.0,0.0,0.07147609940922417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302643980553764,0.0,0.14387600378788876,0.07822834994814741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057349016206219273,0.0,0.0,0.15656732135862506,0.0,0.16967411763213078,0.1710452430563182,0.0,0.060765716491609084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558073408801058,0.07104221012209161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292243165190876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fenrirson82,2018/11/02,"How do men deal with being split? Outright, I had never met with anyone BPD before min Kjære.  She always promised me things aren't like they were any longer,  ""I'm the one,  I'm stuck with her. ""

I wanted to be stuck with her.  

It was everything I ever dreamed of.  The most deep feeling love I have ever experienced.  I can't erase that.  I moved across the province to be with her, we were getting married,  we were planning our life together. 

Then one day, the illness was turned upon me
 
We had talked about it happening.  I didn't care,  I wanted my woman,  who isn't broke. She's alone. Not broke.

How do you guys deal with doing this?  My girl doesn't even think about it, she just goes away.  

I'm not even mad,  at all.  I'm alone trying to figure out what happened ..

I miss my girl.  Can anyone help me? ",0.8924074074074078,3.160786265432101,2.050864197530867,96.38888888888893,84.49382716049381,4.587654320987656,17.641975308641978,5.82211442006289,-0.4965580246913577,613,14,135,4,18,194,102,162,0.079,0.7829999999999999,0.138,0.8663,0,3,0,0,0,0,31.0,4,1,1,1,9,8,1,0,4,0,20,3,0,2,4,25,38,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,8,10,0,0,3,1,0,1,8,4,0,2,11,2,27,4,17,24,2,13,0,3,0,1,24,6,0,1,7,91,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411820041458374,0.0,0.0,0.13705281124533442,0.0,0.0,0.11200918091295603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033963028315305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475147930903807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401569954452481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074478361811604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793392097325846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622501880795572,0.3396197770159769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758022658034906,0.2979811990501167,0.0,0.0,0.14803169586431975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328286982002336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605473981734703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308986260658026,0.2913069238096904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040236331676424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634030515409158,0.0804695126097616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865817823263786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506180868261825,0.0,0.0,0.12703533711722656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232249777990513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238852498457004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094267210615336,0.10554020774792584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182800973280684,0.17915835439053215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943017221038002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bagodando,2018/11/02,"Dream-reality confussion / Dissociative state after waking up (lasts for an hour or more) / feelings of it not being real/ Sorry for my English. Not a native.  


Situation: dreamlike situations / waking up and not being able to be that aware until an hour and a half of being awake / lashing out / remember the situation as if it didn't happen 

Recently I have felt like there are certain situations in which I know it is real but they also seem dream like. I guess it's dissociation, I know it's real, but I still feel like I'm not 100% myself, and that whatever I am trying to accomplish (act normal, not lash out) won't happen because it's already been written to be a disaster.   


Two days ago, I had a meeting at 11 am with my friends because we're making a music video for a friend who is in a band. (Like a serious one, with budget). My phone is broken so there was no alarm (it was charging but then it stopped) and I randomly woke up 10 minutes before the meeting. I rushed and was there 15 min late. But I didn't feel like myself, I felt like I was still asleep (it takes me like an hour and something to actually wake up). I felt anxious and really, really, really angry, like I was not able to communicate. I went to the bathroom and thought oh god this is bad, I really need to control myself right now because I'm not feeling good and I can lash out at any minute, but I still went out and talked in a bad way and shit happened and I went home after insulting one of them. It had never happened something like this, as extreme, and I do have some resentment towards some of the members because they haven't acted properly in the workplace (like they were not cooperative and it just built up and I had enough). As I was approaching home I started to ""wake up"" and even asked myself if what had happened had been real. I know it was, but it didn't feel like it was.  
Has this happened to anyone else? If so, what are your thoughts, how did it get better?  
Thanks",3.4131418357166616,5.036428476804126,4.953661456601264,81.83989191885603,73.51030927835052,7.686863984037247,26.949118722979712,8.360895534625662,1.8663823412038567,1531,56,299,26,31,515,184,388,0.126,0.741,0.133,-0.4425,0,0,2,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,4,3,13,24,3,1,17,0,40,6,6,3,2,72,75,35,0,5,19,0,8,11,2,1,0,0,2,0,24,22,0,2,15,3,1,7,15,7,0,4,30,8,37,17,41,39,4,47,0,0,0,0,15,18,1,9,31,217,61,1,0.13560870737455588,0.0,0.0661672683031762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060104468463172814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482379035597493,0.054223117146677914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461092856177099,0.0,0.0,0.07659961992466148,0.0,0.04741038062789327,0.06947357310042572,0.0,0.0,0.06338791778266352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113227606278263,0.1653316186820275,0.0,0.05769651096125007,0.0,0.0,0.059967440774040315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604834818150097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043728198814067865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664183704108815,0.0,0.0,0.07006002260518862,0.0,0.04478413613235743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141959258581746,0.1453183314664255,0.19530843804707126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047709509256387,0.0,0.03542497628010777,0.0,0.0,0.05687107491711722,0.0,0.0,0.07469413991696364,0.0,0.35975499623005835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360265903548364,0.0,0.2003208907050455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179049864846308,0.05526959798166601,0.07648626430901544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643836050954865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045259932595693136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027606911327063,0.05229489756944315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643387038611953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189196969793084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38588099379136204,0.17374882080709658,0.0,0.06694861928800873,0.0,0.07680911505887854,0.05790454757224101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172653704346871,0.0,0.0,0.06960019468524653,0.0,0.304859737742221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043982081789437,0.0,0.07590142272870921,0.04799227052694851,0.0,0.16244593332334326,0.056687475760544274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098043561690061,0.0544985711105649,0.0,0.06242513907302988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765816601579206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046034705358992636,0.0,0.06623500119454186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053819939924080885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885659455125732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wehomem,2018/11/02,"What would you do if your friend reached out to you? Need advice. 
So.. I will try to keep it short. I used to have a best friend that I absolutely loved. He... has couple of  mental health issues (including many traits of BPD) that make it hard for him to not make mistakes. 

Basically if you had a friend that you really really liked, and treated her like a magical unicorn that will run away if you do something wrong. 

(Sorry for cheesy analogy- but I have never been treated like that- so don’t know how to describe. )

And then one day he had to break off the friendship that he tried so hard to keep. In a way it was a punishment -because it was obvious that my friendship is one thing that he would hate to lose. “Hit him where it hurts the most” kinda thing. 

Would you want her to contact you? If not to restore the friendship then at least to give you peace? To tell you that she still loves you and knows that you didn’t mean all of this to end so spectacularly badly. 

This is a person that will apologize for anything small.  Except the times that he knows for SURE that he fucked up big- he won’t apologize. Don’t know what’s up with that btw. He even LOOKS  guilty at that point but doesn’t say anything. 
Or when you do something small- he will thank you profusely but when it’s something big or thoughtful- he just.. freezes. I know he is thankful but he never expresses it. 


Every relationship he has that broke down -the other party was to blame as much as he did. He is not an angel at all and I am not justifying his mistakes. But these people didn’t take anything lying down. So even though he feels horrible about it- he still can blame the other party in something.. 


But this one... I never said a single bad thing to him, I never made him feel anything less than special. I offered him something that no one in their right mind would offer to anyone. It’s as close to “get out of jail” card as it gets. In case he finds himself in a dark hour. 

He used to say that I am his personal cheerleader. We never fought. He told me he found out how it feels to have a sister once he met me. To me he is still the brother god didn’t give me. 

I can only imagine what the guilt is doing to him. I don’t know.. if I was in his position- I would like to get a text. 

What do you think? 



















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bpd,ChiefRedditCloud,2018/11/02,"DAE feel embarrassed by a manic episode? I just had a rough two days of depression, then today woke up totally manic. Like happy and talkative. My boss and I didn't even exchange words this morning, he just looked me in the eyes for a moment and smiled and said 'glad to have you back'. It's touching to know that he realizes my moods and cares but it made me feel like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde.",3.575991561181436,4.950465354430381,4.182974683544305,88.52399789029535,72.67088607594937,7.79831223628692,24.55907172995781,8.344100000000001,1.3382388185654013,309,9,65,5,6,98,62,79,0.05,0.7809999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.8303,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,4,0,3,2,1,2,1,17,11,8,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,5,7,7,5,7,6,1,7,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,7,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266900441166975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005775833854272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901275172003588,0.0,0.25391869478697393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471866767283172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298128735431503,0.21061172054283714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31382982939629805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201940266658124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28805772527989576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24756544215119936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27895555237687464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804310187600568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279444609542045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879857087740302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NeurologicalNancy123,2019/01/11,A Star Is Born I'd put money on it that the character played by Bradley Cooper was based on someone with BPD or CPTSD. Thoughts?,3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846157,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,72.84615384615384,6.7384615384615385,28.384615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.2712923076923075,102,4,22,1,2,31,25,26,0.0,0.9059999999999999,0.094,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6341068527652073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5061296120873291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265911966067726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997014711283102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilacshrieksx,2019/01/11,"Newly Diagnosed: Needing Stories of Hope? I’m feeling very emotionally overwhelmed and hopeless from the new realization that I suffer from this disorder. I was wondering if anyone on here had any personal stories of hope and/or helpful realizations about their Borderline tendencies that they’ve had during their personal journey through this that might encourage my pessimistic mind and give it faith that this will get better. 

E",9.792857142857141,12.325052571428573,8.244285714285716,60.890714285714296,59.0,11.885714285714286,44.0,11.602472056035307,6.295371428571428,360,21,45,11,5,109,55,70,0.13699999999999998,0.621,0.24100000000000002,0.7832,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,1,2,8,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,13,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,5,7,8,0,3,1,3,0,0,7,1,0,5,1,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313335625547092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745441747009314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199157617576554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855778762791185,0.0,0.0,0.2580812399084785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533025418924467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386017887264516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764974105258715,0.2160177373808984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093659551327418,0.0,0.0,0.4473185459301732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388854408714885,0.2273724109897113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697164355307426,0.0,0.21748484093073456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932452869871611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580100727232812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442032625598949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blorgasporgler,2019/01/11,"I admitted myself to hospital today So today I had a particularly rough patch. Got home from work, immediately wanted to hurt myself. For once I actually managed to resist self harming, and decided I would call the local mental health facilities. One phone call and a very anxious taxi later, I arrive at the hospital, fill out the forms, and am eventually seen by one of the doctors. He told me to go for a walk to clear my head, and that I was maybe having a hard time (not to be melodramatic but, understatement) but that I wasn't unwell. (I would love to be mentally well, but it's simply not the case - several psych appointments have told me that much) now my BPD ass has taken it all so personally that I feel like the hospital literally rejected me.

So now I'm at home feeling pretty empty and detached. Not really sure what to do so I'm just sitting browsing memes. Big hugs to anyone out there also feeling rough tonight xo",4.455120385232746,6.250365202247193,6.2067736757624425,73.20865168539329,71.13483146067415,9.355377207062599,28.4446227929374,9.784248007369934,2.931558908507223,738,28,132,19,14,254,116,178,0.12,0.742,0.138,0.6742,0,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,10,0,12,6,2,0,3,25,26,13,0,3,7,0,6,1,0,2,2,0,2,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,3,1,2,8,7,16,5,18,14,3,17,0,2,1,3,10,6,1,0,8,89,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.13918021603242298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405616934111433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611242525574252,0.0,0.09972584915754844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962963293490472,0.0,0.2912696104986837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459814618431782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163445752570573,0.10189044263948392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105636957217571,0.0,0.1140692497980897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277628747959469,0.0,0.14637312471275254,0.1516023874891967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861265202153017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526816848916338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696787649301829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287235118007246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328473685333948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28746240922138644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484487409800188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188964966090407,0.19329110181187506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245335659745694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450996380842935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136843274422148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487876867632127,0.1611242525574252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442120591437354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316506140418907,0.0,0.2703812958373847,0.2725662293683264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767953876606975,0.08412318890047596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823588866236302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038317959186527,0.0,0.0,0.2026316540526744,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ansisco,2019/01/11,"Diagnosed with BPD, what the fuck do I do now? While I spent the last two months at a hospital I got diagnosed with BPD. I got kicked out after falling back to taking drugs.  (little sidenote- english is my second language, so it's a little hard for me to articulate)

Eversince I got diagnosed I feel so lost and so helpless. When I went to the hospital to get help, i was kind of hoping it was ""just"" a depressive phase. Finding out i'm supposedly BPD, makes me scared, because it feels like BPD is going to be there forever, I'm always going to be/feel weird. I was hoping it would go away, like a mild depression. But it seems it's more than that, and it's going to be with me till I die. And I dont feel like I've got the strength to handle feeling this way for so many years to come.

The sad thing is, I got the diagnosis when I got kicked out of the hospital, and now I am on my own, without professional help to help me cope with this situation. So now I'm here to ask how do you guys cope with the diagnosis, did you take it seriously and how did you cope with being diagnosed as borderline?

This probably gets asked a lot, I'm sorry if I fucked up with the rules a little bit.
I'm very happy about any help and advice you can give me.
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bpd,grrrnpesto,2019/01/11,"Do you ever just... Want to show nothing but love for people, and it backfires? TW The last few months, I’ve been trying to be more mindful of the struggles those around me face. I’ve been caring for siblings, pets, friends, other family. I’ve been apologising better, and trying to fix my behavioural mistakes. I’ve been trying to control the symptoms of my BPD and I’ve been helping everyone out with advice and such. I’ve been giving more to charity, more to my loved ones, taking on some of the tasks they have to do, making calls on their behalf (big as I also have panic disorder) and many more things. I look back on who I was before, and I felt so much pain because I consider my past self evil and inconsiderate. I’m trying my utter hardest to show nothing but love and consideration now.

I’ve been getting remarks however, about how I’m a weirdo now and how I’m overly emotional, that I’m weak, naive and I couldn’t handle the real world like others, by some of the very people I’m trying to help. It’s only now that I’m trying to be kind. They think I’m crazy and they keep using my BPD to invalidate my want to improve.

I also have been trying to reconcile with friends and family I lost while my BPD was uncontrolled. I knew it was mutually caused and not all my fault, but I see that all of the people I’ve apologised to took advantage of my apology to just pile things onto me - like making comments about my personality and my looks. It was humiliating, and it killed me.

Now I’ve just accepted I can never be good, I don’t deserve anyone and I want to be alone. I don’t think I deserve any friends: I am inherently evil and everyone who wants to distance themselves from me is doing only what is fair. I want to kill myself as I’ve messed up too much to fix. I want to kill myself because my purpose in the last six months has been to do what I can to improve the well-being of those around me and now my life has lost its purpose.",3.4626311336717417,4.824051794416249,4.985807106598988,82.70872758037227,72.93401015228427,7.588358714043992,25.569881556683587,8.131152278815165,1.5155380033840948,1533,49,307,23,30,516,179,394,0.196,0.631,0.17300000000000001,-0.9712,2,1,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,1,4,5,21,29,5,3,10,0,34,8,1,7,4,61,68,29,3,8,7,0,1,2,3,0,4,0,1,2,19,23,0,2,7,2,0,1,5,15,0,2,18,4,45,14,49,45,11,27,0,2,3,3,21,12,0,2,16,211,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840905065522717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831038593474377,0.0,0.12833489997284755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054565569714123324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610528106579064,0.0,0.0,0.142860224044804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616991753289352,0.0,0.09782643391983104,0.0,0.0682778522577799,0.0,0.0,0.07096526277294286,0.0,0.0,0.30317629166444043,0.0,0.0819334380253561,0.0,0.08180945523879361,0.0824280063199534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899953531864698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196134815095423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025856839014557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258116592649093,0.0,0.15334444416305276,0.0,0.0,0.1512852029994152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704244419350219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597837344997253,0.0,0.04192179486057695,0.07697298091527648,0.0,0.06730103408748532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756560851643653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132049972684046,0.2663191507470452,0.08355702763028866,0.0,0.13081170360105668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056675488381449965,0.07840187321040545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476183905817254,0.0,0.17518165139527953,0.0,0.21725767803528254,0.0,0.10712089654923072,0.08135019657087524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810189592020004,0.0,0.12809270857894656,0.0,0.117970439545374,0.0,0.061885601583087674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398381063918756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437232014710175,0.12205141742827055,0.08538041987527874,0.0941436925381983,0.0,0.0,0.07659762333913804,0.1668837707251484,0.07006198272716878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133004767261248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394044385703386,0.0,0.08370723393681934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388368298014776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339949974376627,0.060330071837893025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661503508915283,0.10282838454086728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914896857600453,0.3813411818506501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930111215667972,0.0,0.06620594012423305,0.28396379859080234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214489158931096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdtaurusguy,2019/01/11,"Was life easier pre BPD diagnosis? I feel like since my diagnosis last year, every detail of my life has become different and not in a good way.  
It was nice knowing there was a name for this 'thing' I had been dealing with. Til then, it was just a 'that's just how I am' explanation...  Diagnosis offered many 'aha' moments when I would look back on the past and I could understand a lot of the why's and how's of situations that I had gone through. 

But... since then, I'm finding myself turning away from a lot.  Ie., new friendship/relationships, reconnections of my previous 'splits' and other social/work opportunities.  I'm guess I'm opting for an independent life, because I feel like its just 'easier that way'. 

I know that after diagnosis, we are supposed to use that to work on ourselves and heal.  Which I feel like I'm doing, but I worry that for me, my version of healing is this new 'only me' lifestyle.  I just don't know how good life can really be like that.  At least before, I had things and people around..... Granted, not great, but still....

Is ""Ignorance is bliss"" true when it comes to a BPD diagnosis? or does it get better as time goes on?

",3.9265813769453968,5.410333354260093,5.347407016618308,80.08830123977845,71.95964125560539,8.475758375098918,26.57056185702981,9.007467420416297,2.02952619361646,890,30,177,18,17,299,130,223,0.07200000000000001,0.7879999999999999,0.14,0.9059,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,1,0,0,3,13,12,0,0,9,0,20,6,0,5,1,41,38,19,0,2,10,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,18,10,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,4,20,11,24,26,4,26,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,4,19,120,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263011310878617,0.0,0.0,0.10831618570506686,0.08864879479317543,0.0,0.07027805006852515,0.1273257326598354,0.09810097592795716,0.0,0.0,0.10196222207936202,0.0,0.0,0.29040056286687177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930977534484416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920475045222856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885611368830225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045066007831913,0.0,0.0,0.10088866736408064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713449773620426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748781239524417,0.2470837473457136,0.0,0.0,0.10537047667619856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023284055490503,0.0,0.0,0.19339498553693088,0.0,0.12710462277939089,0.1270019261108324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007660661235928,0.0939745126839436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32572323455182,0.2252941480198465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681227141958502,0.0,0.0,0.19602622941682188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688319728341595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269032859213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876811642954068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005474476498778,0.07992567737712275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385597761256125,0.0,0.0,0.12377538351237448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907336430867783,0.12958772244364575,0.0,0.11752085385573258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206856318256276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318347963482612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722493457242244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253994447835026,0.0,0.12001811446481593,0.0,0.09957118612629537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301933836111345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402882988206402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786101204795015,0.11707981941915,0.0,0.08189676924417344,0.0,0.0,0.07424122239150731
bpd,haolebih,2019/01/11,Pregnant Hi I’m currently 5 months pregnant and I’m just really worried about being a good mom.... any bpd moms out there ? I was diagnosed when i was in highschool and have been working through a lot of stuff and working hard to not tip over the edge but all the hormones are making me crazy. My bf/fp/baby daddy and me got into a huge fight right after i found out i was pregnant and i acted a bit crazier than usual and actually threw a glass at the wall and we decided it’s best for me to stay with my family right now so I’ve been staying out of state with my mom and things are just really overwhelming for me. I feel like he doesn’t love me half the time and i feel like I’m just really alone in this. Idk. Just some insight and reassurance would be cool.... ,0.7306289308176126,3.0008293899371097,2.6977672955974827,91.45407232704405,85.28930817610063,6.049056603773584,20.154088050314463,7.3871296695380915,0.613631446540881,599,18,130,10,18,200,102,159,0.092,0.75,0.159,0.9443,1,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,9,9,1,1,9,1,12,2,0,1,1,33,22,13,0,1,6,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,17,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,8,4,16,7,20,11,5,24,0,1,0,1,9,12,0,2,9,86,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.1397885423295121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483608331375715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741296549861346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032903292092128,0.0,0.15638877321776026,0.0,0.18041475479033645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539282900254308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504065235131524,0.0,0.14486011339924096,0.2046715669785164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706309227576687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014890242937047,0.11456782155145755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832129839051848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996663115743296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178359354256138,0.1292861341296323,0.0,0.0956185764613198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5033079476470721,0.11433849831311475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27530335256710764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446645450824787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053647773877584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398370059913056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516703288525327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352855770627422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776648390200593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208571243998394,0.14547442128124385,0.0,0.10175865635688723,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mnswinging,2019/01/11,"Please help me. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me and is kicking me out. I don't know how to manage this. I'm trying to remember what I learned in inpatient but I am so overwhelmed with emotions and impulses and catastrophic thoughts I don't know what to do. I have been bawling and panicking for hours. Someone who can relate, anyone with advice, PLEASE HELP!",2.3782042253521105,5.047340394366199,3.1613908450704247,88.20433978873241,81.67605633802816,6.366901408450705,27.184859154929576,7.645422480735847,1.7672098591549297,292,13,56,5,8,92,50,71,0.128,0.688,0.184,0.5212,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,15,12,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,11,10,0,5,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,39,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522163053218485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047236360097696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903323334840591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34600342859658595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541805131098425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836944884506327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5666415127703557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923815914825144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869073685819607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049057972589381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523571786985542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621055570974327
bpd,Acid_Catfish,2019/01/11,"Have you named your different states of mood? I don't know if any of you have read ""Loud in the House of Myself"" by Stacey Pershall, but it is a great memoir on how she went through life with BPD.

One of the things that struck me as interesting was that in her dissociation/BPD episodes she named one of her ""bad sides"" as the Bad Dog. It's not the same as individuals with DID who literally have different personalities.. But instead she gave her side of her ego a name because it felt beyond her control even though it was her.

I tried to name my different moods in splitting and other episodes: the angry mood (the alligator), the sad over apologetic mood (the child).

I have no idea if it is actually helpful, but it does keep things organized for me because I realize that I am not my disorder alone. I am me and those other aspects are out of my control.

So, have any of you given those facets of yourself a name as well? ",7.517599754450586,6.312380011049726,7.638968692449358,76.11503990178024,63.80662983425414,11.138367096378147,35.028238182934324,10.25414643259724,3.2090694904849606,726,27,150,14,9,236,104,181,0.11800000000000001,0.78,0.102,-0.6385,3,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,4,0,2,7,10,0,0,11,0,14,1,0,3,0,26,20,14,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,16,5,0,3,4,1,0,1,4,3,1,2,7,2,26,3,26,13,1,11,0,1,0,0,23,9,0,2,0,112,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.14217845024567652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508972980270074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981567907873435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433004414192855,0.17763007241823398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669984651113761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268212989736013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566644802681756,0.1669804395110536,0.0,0.1274997049049233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623094974565148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989117657692066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063054770999655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765707521417044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811382484647006,0.0,0.16447324780548564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950145501332805,0.0,0.0,0.08007080770511882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290951741924767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974549981693489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721628057903905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457356028350072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935881299657569,0.0,0.14314575257173254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989181393354232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309983590745723,0.1350618142455056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,__zero_or_one__,2019/01/11,"Would I be better off feeling no emotions? I have noticed that in ways my disassociative behaviors are the only things that allow me to think ""the way I do"". This can almost always benefit me in my academic studies, but more recently it has turned against me in that aspect of my life. I have gone over and over about the idea of living a stoic/detached life when it comes to the outside world. When I fully detach from emotions, and only focus on my goals, in an almost psychopathic way (still following obvious moral rules), I seem to finally be happy again in doing what I do. Maybe this is somehow my way of getting past feeling guilty for just being me. 

Obviously the answers here will be different for everybody, I was just curious what others thought. ",6.512695035460992,7.414690907801423,7.173900709219861,71.53333333333335,65.45390070921987,9.954609929078016,34.106382978723396,9.994966539143718,3.6009914893617028,602,26,100,13,9,199,94,141,0.037000000000000005,0.85,0.113,0.8385,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,7,0,16,2,0,1,2,20,26,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,17,3,20,17,1,24,1,0,0,0,0,10,0,4,7,84,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117030414771388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295053991768954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376514115416598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407054571116364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261124015127998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501493225603891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739306917729065,0.0,0.0,0.1704966062812823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131575944954421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568225124819475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569922746117275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198670355235833,0.0,0.0,0.13743345018984515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636184410548482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719778882211618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367432914807352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485765085814463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367625876322175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168930412801994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429473801412423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340066039451723,0.099728174923321,0.0,0.12356120525386295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929221655795407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941608715671009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056257560165368,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,powertohurt,2019/01/11,"The vicious stigma around anger. Engage with me.

I feel as though people with BPD are often looked at as though they find a deep satisfaction in the more volatile parts of who they are, - like I parade around purring over my worst moments. As though I actually *enjoy* feeling such a deep internal rage that half of the time I need to refrain from physcially taking it out on myself just to provide some type of internal relief. There are days I know I’m not able to be around people. I can feel irritation stirring through me before I have even left my bedroom. The anger I feel then makes me angrier, - I am mad at myself for being unable to **not** be mad. I am my own vicious cycle, - literally. As soon as I can feel my emotions taking off they only progress higher and higher, simply because I know I cannot bring myself down. I anger myself  several times every day because I do not think I have anything to be genuinely angry over. I try and remind myself that saying this is silly. You wouldn't tell someone with severe depression that they don’t have anything to be depressed about. However, I don't think people treat anger the same way. They don't see anger the same way. I just don't think as far as personality disorders go, there is a stigma harsher than that of BPD. I feel like it is wildly demonized, - what causes me to find books and handy tricks on “dealing” with and ""managing"" people with these issues when I am searching for help for *myself*. There is an entirely different language used when talking about anger. There is an entirely different attitude used when approaching it. To get back to what I was initially saying, - I see this demonstrated a lot. Personally, and simply within the world. There is very little room for me to acceptably express my anger. And for someone like me, someone with very little control over it, someone who is able to black out and act and speak so absolutely relentlessly without a memory of what just happened moments after, I don’t think there is any room at all. I feel like seeking sympathy is seen as asking to dodge accountability, to avoid repercussions for my actions. I have never denied the problems or flaws I have. I would never be able to, - I would never want to. But I feel like I have never been given a space to deal with these things in a healthy manner. The stigma around anger forces me to tiptoe around the way I feel and the way I express this. I monitor my every action much too severely because I am so entirely all consumed by the fear of my emotions getting out of hand at any moment. I watch myself from the inside, I watch the ways other people are looking at me or not looking at me while I speak. Fuck. It is very difficult being strong enough to reach out for help when you are so entirely embarrassed and ashamed of what you are. Maybe I am the only one with this point of view, - that's why we engage on here, no? To discuss? I don't know. I have severe BPD and with that, severe anger management. I, - regardless of how much I DO NOT WANT TO BE THIS WAY, can't seem to have healthy arguments/disagreements without it turning physically or verbally abusive on my end, and I don't understand why this is not taken seriously and not just seen as me being some wild malicious bitch.",4.599281400966183,6.331154597423513,5.32196960547504,79.9498143115942,70.65861513687601,8.137962962962964,28.23540660225443,8.72156446121922,2.2518053945249603,2579,95,466,46,48,835,260,621,0.17600000000000002,0.737,0.087,-0.9965,3,1,0,0,0,0,76.0,1,3,5,3,35,40,17,4,24,0,57,2,1,6,6,98,101,39,0,8,17,0,10,5,0,3,0,4,3,2,28,32,0,3,21,1,1,6,24,27,0,2,6,25,79,13,93,83,14,71,1,2,11,1,27,38,2,8,26,356,107,4,0.17652210880616978,0.06971661127548984,0.0574200381914994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002739145948888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684176992603302,0.2619035028297491,0.05500811433355556,0.0,0.0,0.04524486853747923,0.0,0.10760623910926284,0.0,0.05006910437546677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223234165920058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604456103322307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659948516685646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589477124685008,0.12132436207958265,0.10135882243624944,0.0,0.0,0.1229520219245145,0.06743654328339124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323757421204317,0.05211539795484306,0.06079817524360659,0.0,0.03886372934893903,0.0,0.0991516600035485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621214949148198,0.2677646463249497,0.12610742980191278,0.0,0.0,0.1075586729874673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439728171731263,0.061483677446575374,0.0,0.033440527462713365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520326392813597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887936573761199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061414406569991115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701193454790673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393059590487436,0.0,0.0,0.14373297647761804,0.1179476846971312,0.0,0.0,0.1482341131680369,0.0,0.0,0.05002426147221934,0.0,0.0,0.0392766261149191,0.0,0.05911339482661144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650937391112783,0.043629635658751935,0.1815263100721862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0398719831183813,0.08950201209197271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371874729438498,0.0,0.20396367339983787,0.10275486442293744,0.0,0.0,0.055623483269905336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056302606098659565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935849773342148,0.0,0.0,0.09377684421603097,0.053566366050128114,0.0,0.33236622988388265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942214660743074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848177158316181,0.04729392817325311,0.051429367874495126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039091148471681735,0.1508109862301848,0.17343207565036212,0.0,0.06862097413204878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994897488794915,0.06400178826051278,0.0,0.06125524688458338,0.0,0.10163895035269964,0.0,0.14564922665585525,0.06941154220267604,0.28023006708498954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061891646266154,0.0,0.0,0.11344067578867012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359749428611876,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eckerteckbertx3,2019/01/11,"Why am i like this 
Im so sad right now and splitting on my fp/boyfriend.
He left the house for a couple of hours and i instandly watched threw all his search historys.
I know this is bad i know i am a jelouse crazy bitch.....
He is the perfect guy understanding and gentle
And i still dont trust him!! 
I hate myself i hate him...
He told me a couple months ago how he is proud he dont watches porn anymore and how he feels better without it. And im like yeah what ever lol.
And guess what i found in his search history! i know this isnt something bad to do in fact everybody watches some at some point. Me aswell...
I just cant shake the feeling he doesnt find me attraktiv and is watching because of that. I will never be good enough..
Down vote me i dont care just needed to rant.
Fking hate myself.....",-0.6039285714285683,1.601893607142859,1.2578571428571443,98.51214285714286,95.07142857142857,4.228571428571429,18.30952380952381,5.985473137389443,-0.31061190476190426,618,19,142,6,24,201,99,168,0.138,0.674,0.188,0.8438,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,8,16,4,1,6,2,15,1,0,2,5,30,30,11,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,3,6,24,8,11,25,4,17,0,1,4,1,13,8,1,3,9,84,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366103960889412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716173960510774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141199776169613,0.07816292257511016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340191229273547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307308435873691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837503411566138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508255803881655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324875705241035,0.0,0.0,0.11598411237953735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966576097133384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719255730791507,0.0,0.0,0.14058877148825186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075465046781918,0.0,0.0,0.14125095542365804,0.12695990896622644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797779474092869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627281173981236,0.1479509375455437,0.0,0.0,0.277003460408652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140232364863756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931354517890224,0.0,0.0,0.12528555524185891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023455528522821,0.0,0.0,0.09507496578834726,0.09889268761482316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212112063066042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950086147382183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871153658230113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023982305801518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252158681632434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348359237880295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570038394239295,0.0,0.0,0.12360140311475765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lippyboy,2019/01/11,"My FP copes with stress by withdrawing My FP and I have a couple month long non-exclusive relationship and communication has been great up until now. I've told them that when I'm stressed I seek reassurance and comfort, and discovered they are the opposite, but I haven't seen this in practice til now and thought I could handle it better.

Currently they have a family member in ill health and have been very upset for the past week. It's been the longest week for me and I've reached out a couple of times with ""hope you are well"" ""thinking of you"" type messages which they did seem to appreciate, but I can't convince myself that they aren't actively annoyed or put off by me, or have found someone else they like better. The last message I sent was left on read two days ago and it's the first time they've just not even responded.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable in wishing they would at least say ""don't feel up to talking now"" or being more respectful of the stress I've been going through and my own needs. I can't tell if I maybe idealized how good things were before and am hung up on a false idea of who they are, or if this really is just a slump that will pass and things will go back to normal. I'm fighting off the urge to just torch the entire bridge and walk away because I hate how out of control this makes me feel. 

I'd appreciate any advice from those who have had a similar experience!",8.107117408906879,6.038907873684213,7.90666666666667,77.42307692307693,63.24561403508772,11.435897435897438,34.20377867746289,10.035473477838034,2.965556005398111,1124,35,236,19,13,361,165,285,0.091,0.746,0.163,0.9679,1,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,2,8,5,12,19,3,4,14,0,31,2,0,4,0,48,51,26,0,10,13,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,15,16,0,1,8,1,0,6,7,7,1,2,13,4,27,12,33,32,3,40,0,0,1,0,23,15,0,9,20,159,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921117948757187,0.10814036982640164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296014134432482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461743128626138,0.09380589871843474,0.0,0.07436644414893585,0.0,0.1038079562564566,0.0,0.0,0.21578765734600852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368267070205174,0.09740232686352228,0.2699682049067121,0.0,0.0786760737180986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019103797419508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057592334713737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933359546241118,0.11500513867894105,0.0,0.12336772031570074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376808160019864,0.0,0.13376018549974045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866406660723585,0.10232282609287716,0.0,0.13449887727076346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044387366175464,0.0,0.12967397668791056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116762377491228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771643990688565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704474268459124,0.09944143786174653,0.0,0.0,0.13254689864982294,0.0,0.0,0.059600133539076436,0.0,0.0,0.10796090051367366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814319795909214,0.0,0.12255942623448055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973744915022514,0.0,0.0,0.09045704664467824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952827295954024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645713024067415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226377211311578,0.0,0.0,0.12202706919156266,0.0,0.07815251602504879,0.0,0.0,0.13097596100078138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701456970869858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105880668545916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336516765085364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41923133646397537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805420105358716,0.10662818193386216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209485994126718,0.07816886509581268,0.0,0.09684965349051626,0.14227143005309156,0.0,0.0,0.1165705483218024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917046615292212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065787234177187,0.0,0.0,0.19571254609778185,0.0,0.10968730712200517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402871436573758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666107710781172,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nrosexo,2019/01/11,Can maintaining a friendship with your FP/ex positively contribute to your recovery? Now that I’m aware (not officially diagnosed) I have BPD. I can’t stop thinking about my splitting episodes and feel a need to reconcile with my FP and sort of explain my erratic behavior. I said some pretty nasty things that I know might of really hurt him. He’s the only person I’ve had such an intense reaction to. I’d like to apologize and see if we can be friends.  It’s too soon for me to try dating (in general) and would like to wait until I feel grounded enough in my treatment. I’m in therapy and learning on my own about DBT. I think we’ve had enough of cooling off period (5 months) where I’m no longer idealizing him. But I thought a more limited relationship with him could help me to explore my struggles with object constancy and black and white thinking. I’m also scared he may trigger me intensely and it will be a shitshow all over again - and be step back from healing/recovery. ,5.224687877567458,6.289712717277492,6.14104712041885,77.20293596455902,68.42408376963351,10.274828836085383,34.064035440998786,10.389873798559362,3.6877318566250494,783,37,148,21,13,259,125,191,0.099,0.772,0.13,0.6266,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,2,10,8,0,2,6,1,14,1,0,1,1,42,30,13,0,5,3,0,2,2,1,4,1,1,0,1,5,14,0,3,11,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,7,22,5,25,18,6,19,0,1,3,0,15,8,0,5,11,99,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397369758783876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384355839620647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267474227776111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437430714148229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827314473529877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720479765215624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820619240079456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909437522518356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067347537321388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273088737573246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894237176903437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591173696793638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909883833539209,0.0,0.0,0.14370199292674302,0.0,0.0,0.1334934609317787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369245144282867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719937001859904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831600301354538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533484932015348,0.0,0.0,0.1932899092045321,0.0,0.0,0.1712542427453949,0.0,0.1802461583358589,0.0,0.14346435972525756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051708425557705,0.0,0.18821137521427345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588538828085284,0.0,0.11960706575912035,0.34607693018341296,0.0,0.1429274546766685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223175458489725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789149701780733,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ogustnov,2019/01/11,"I need help Can you guys suggest some effective pills against panic attacks, social phobia and bosslevel anxiety. I would very much like to consult a psychiatrist but for some reasons i have 2 survive a month without it. So pls help me out people. ",5.023666666666667,7.571223311111113,5.317500000000003,76.97625000000005,71.44444444444444,7.166666666666668,35.694444444444436,8.07648339933343,3.2137777777777785,199,11,31,3,4,63,40,45,0.185,0.622,0.19399999999999998,0.3466,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,10,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,2,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473886514786736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193429201239546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779424816401311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37630182954067615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371384810414731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240563747738797,0.0,0.20635076975304145,0.2081394996911459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329347309334708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946057824945171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886119059412015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861438085298581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316113555142717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705899917198015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994050646244146,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,butt_snuggles,2019/01/11,"I'm looking for a BPD workbook and audiobooks or podcasts As the title says: I'm looking for workbooks for people with BPD, possibly daily readers or devotionals, definitely podcasts and audiobooks. Thanks!",7.786666666666669,10.987808647058827,8.265294117647063,55.990490196078476,65.47058823529412,10.415686274509804,46.62745098039216,10.504223727775694,6.61581568627451,170,12,19,5,3,56,24,34,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.7959,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7154060954302348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769969341813453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968980921128473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201807454439149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22585766352874484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614800007600949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,willywonkasdong,2019/01/11,"Are BPDs outwardly cold? My wife of 13 years was recently diagnosed with BPD with Bipolar 2 and some cyclesomethinggreekwordhere

I bought myself a copy of the family survival guide to borderline personality disorder (by the same author as Stop Walking On Egg Shells) and it’s great. I feel like it’s her manual. 

However, whilst it does discuss that BPDs feel the same as everyone else, only much more intense... my wife is rather cold in terms of affection. I don’t know whether it’s the BPD or whether it’s just me but I feel like I’m not loved or cared for. 

She will gladly welcome my affection (providing she’s not already irritated) such as random hugs and kisses, rubbing her leg or feet or what have you, and when I tell her I love her, she’ll tell me that she loves me.... however she seldom does it first.  When I’m driving, for example, I’ll put my hand on her lap and I always expect her to but her hand on top of mine but she, again, rarely does. 

I feel so lonely and unloved and I think as a result of her lack of affection towards me, it makes me come on stronger in the hope of getting something back but she just takes without giving anything back. 

I don’t want to bring it up with her because 1. I’d feel like it’s forced if she starts doing it and 2. She makes me feel pathetic for feeling this way, like it’s somehow my fault. 

So, is this normal behaviour for the BPD or am I actually unloved?",2.7159574468085133,4.678603475177312,3.9985617021276627,86.48580000000004,76.30496453900709,7.490723404255319,25.819007092198586,8.364918446050245,1.6706613900709215,1108,41,230,21,25,363,150,282,0.124,0.657,0.21899999999999997,0.9863,2,2,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,3,12,18,0,0,8,0,11,12,4,6,0,56,37,28,0,7,18,2,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,16,12,1,1,9,0,1,5,5,4,0,1,2,12,43,14,31,33,7,28,0,1,0,5,30,10,0,10,16,149,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.10808439348446927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222484328322225,0.0,0.0921600082790312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114487116422162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033301712021345,0.0,0.06751740017123654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184896491987941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292575034831714,0.0,0.0,0.09540870636472623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241762363247236,0.0,0.0,0.1269389242683151,0.0,0.2907767298831527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252457838188073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583456623878693,0.0,0.0,0.1044133286026656,0.0,0.3920200491810985,0.23737784740872714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421118853512367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786678479597083,0.10624971894792036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211172153243408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000825756606587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608700170220241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644418325866896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29989181861014885,0.0,0.1478644196504824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142029772534759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851988863449714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423688835191888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671011678616624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134296104191743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936073221598773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526736331462574,0.0,0.0,0.0783954904724214,0.0,0.0,0.09259912934096252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327666540470184,0.0,0.19361575537326547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096962354466575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532827803751393,0.08791500258724781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676731525495484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132489186199129
bpd,uuuugughhghhh,2019/01/11,"How the frick do I have a job Hey so I fuxking hate my job. I work full time at mcdonalds and I quite hate it. I have plantar fasciitis and standing for 8 hours almost has me crying by the end of my shift. I know it sounds stupid but it's just so draining and I hate it so much and it really doesn't help my mood lmao. I got the job after I dropped out of uni and now im killing time until I start college in September. I feel like a big whiney bitch because I only work 32 ish hours a week but it honestly is such a burden on me. Most of my managers are rude and the day goes by sooo slow. Its stressfull, degrading, gross, literally extremely painful and I always end up eating way too much and I feel like shit. I'm only 18 and living at home so I really don't need a job, and I would really much rather do some low key free lance type work (I have some options) and honestly just work on myself and getting my shit together. I feel like I would be able to do a lot more and be a bit happier everyday. I think I'm going to call in sick for today... called in sick just under two weeks ago... think I'll get fired lol??? ",-0.009930555555555998,2.062589979166667,2.2333333333333343,94.8827777777778,86.70833333333334,5.722222222222222,18.88888888888889,7.093109894594671,0.2040972222222224,865,24,202,13,27,292,137,240,0.27399999999999997,0.604,0.122,-0.9934,4,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,5,13,21,9,0,11,1,15,6,2,1,0,36,32,21,1,4,6,0,4,3,0,2,3,1,1,0,7,14,1,0,6,0,1,1,2,14,0,1,1,5,28,7,21,27,10,34,0,1,0,0,4,13,3,6,20,120,35,11,0.10146381278256016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994154805559187,0.0,0.10160135208434352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442602033166394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185139851918672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077220466144112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072117943706862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145323396804027,0.06543576535295002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382281094518923,0.0,0.0,0.17973364414035356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539094571679712,0.21745730437586816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602130882890176,0.0,0.057664223038812086,0.0,0.08114987997790803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005235270142077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800905494276893,0.0,0.10177647707452994,0.0,0.1998428345243171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959832908285508,0.0,0.40274871225416986,0.0,0.11225467572936963,0.0,0.055761857997352164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871028137123513,0.0,0.0895944055902237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626090524745131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376273091332846,0.07523413153496485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543356035112971,0.10796465053134947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791925432183552,0.0,0.0,0.1950009497937622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083022914942587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181660891887448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002782860373832,0.0,0.0,0.11832873036775797,0.0,0.0961758306656386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911540181993647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053725183505699,0.16277630082265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954674565355269,0.0,0.0,0.14415396292344934,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LopsidedSprinkles7,2019/01/11,"BPD & wearing out therapists? Have you had therapists give up on you? How do you know a therapist hasnt just given up on you for being too difficult again? Mine is ignoring me now and I feel like shes given up on me, or is it just me being too fucking sensitive? Feel like I might as well just give up on therapy cuz im too fucking difficult for anyone.",0.9529729729729725,3.1691985540540566,3.6445270270270282,85.4084121621622,83.72972972972974,8.024324324324324,24.114864864864863,8.841846274778883,2.1284918918918923,279,11,58,8,8,98,47,74,0.111,0.797,0.091,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,0,10,8,2,0,1,0,10,3,1,2,0,13,19,5,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,2,11,3,12,13,0,11,0,0,0,2,7,9,2,2,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939436286181182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251591572078508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254409830310936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101294655568712,0.2557515836871149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33096045893560416,0.0,0.3434212693038659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334792854752456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837230025284976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489819475326146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898879747491386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469914831753866,0.6234893987813885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094017633708255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,triviaI,2019/01/11,"I’m scared I’m moving to a new university this spring (actually move in is tomorrow) and I’m worried I’ll just isolate myself and make no friends and hate myself haha ~~the usual cycle~~

I’m so anxious and lonely and scared and I want human contact so bad but I also feel like I don’t deserve it haha rip",-0.1995312499999997,2.084988109375004,2.9466250000000014,85.335875,97.59375,4.4350000000000005,22.025,6.2581,0.778361250000001,245,10,46,3,10,87,45,64,0.248,0.574,0.179,-0.2109,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,11,10,10,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.22602765004308245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852263824844355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616646044148903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933929752836014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711400115834927,0.16546933154843665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894899122928185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22867673850894055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315780319959175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460810863219154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923506816982816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236999815464433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637839331020698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25509664109575425,0.0,0.13661544178718202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352212923579149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,babytethys,2019/01/11,"Repeating the cycle of abuse I can hear myself saying things that I know sound aggressive and I feel like I'm just slowly giving in to my thoughts. I don't remember the last time I had a good day, it's like every day is a new tumultuous game where everyone who interacts with me is wondering, ""Am I getting the Babytethys I know, or is this one who is going to yell about problems they've made for themselves again?""

In my heart I know that the things that have happened to me in the past were very much Not my Fault (abuse, assault, etc.), but there is nothing making me reasonably agro now I'm just always angry or sad enough to want to hurt myself again and it's caused by the most unimportant, unnecessary things. I can feel my SO getting more and more tired with each passing day but can't stop myself. I'm not violent (the only exception being self harm) but I've been verbally aggressive and sometimes just outright mean to those I love, especially my SO.

I don't want to be an aggressor and I'm terrified of repeating the actions that have been forced unto me. Does anyone have any kind of tips on how they've been avoiding giving in to the cycle of abuse?",5.179057971014494,5.916817630434783,5.6786956521739125,81.6594927536232,68.34782608695652,9.263768115942028,29.24637681159421,9.3871,2.42003768115942,925,32,182,18,15,298,130,230,0.20199999999999999,0.693,0.105,-0.9837,0,1,0,0,3,2,22.0,0,0,0,0,12,15,4,1,12,0,21,3,1,5,0,39,45,13,0,3,11,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,13,8,0,2,10,1,0,3,5,10,0,1,7,6,23,5,24,36,7,22,0,2,0,1,10,6,0,4,15,124,36,0,0.0,0.4409356743592993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032192515606492,0.0,0.0,0.08435802021646055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673840407411954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743316820426026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000529807621135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855669029788556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817645565569538,0.13834815796536049,0.0,0.0,0.10451718576019156,0.11853476275022287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254464671324052,0.08862109933997492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296216510479691,0.2379994679498949,0.0705002784746945,0.10404696631750368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096967015008782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398129784511663,0.14699944014550725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279772286446864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917862789653622,0.2045233409856423,0.10111702667764293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212087922831655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195965815013392,0.11737878430939655,0.08280410892847734,0.0,0.0,0.13512644225533155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911907708125474,0.0,0.0,0.11980793118255155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190289909824404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084059257627395,0.0943453536067156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841943357375705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869876793158872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754370725127226,0.0,0.0,0.14052407870003206,0.0,0.0,0.09864926578186776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941084588141827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268828215089565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371106735150544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472392389344424,0.0,0.0,0.09848157072443403,0.07233435224531755,0.14257683162478088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023539580858486,0.1463354027565213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452656079440728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shanningmannon,2019/01/11,"help i think i might have bpd but i feel guilty because i already believe i have adhd and i think im just making up excuses to feel bad for myself, i alwayd feel like i have mental illnesses when i learn about them",0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,84.55555555555556,5.377777777777778,20.11111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.38757777777777797,170,5,35,2,5,57,31,45,0.266,0.627,0.107,-0.8641,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,10,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,1,4,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,23,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054427429953809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28046436330799324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122072963200622,0.15492942467806964,0.0,0.0,0.2863436108374188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200970437233435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855224654968935,0.1815670885681811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035352485868027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27452905636753183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416641007404368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696492267823228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25612663642947225,0.2696163693867004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257022017289822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OrranTw,2019/01/11,"Diagnosed with BPD today I’ve never heard of it until my therapist told me about it. I feel really lost and don’t really know where to start with all of this. 

Does anyone have advice when first being diagnosed? ",4.817723577235771,6.270732073170732,6.144878048780488,75.34869918699188,69.73170731707317,10.34471544715447,20.98373983739837,10.504223727775694,2.326164227642277,169,3,30,5,3,57,35,41,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.3804,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,7,9,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,3,0,7,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421386189794484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326131564148295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120842468970092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030055506958426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168436828353944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252906378088511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107710038674544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617952169638464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27049328352354124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111179100906814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174826787457024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538783325500082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877045939781077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487701251671106,0.2367750382610799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tiffabean,2019/01/11,"Had a good day, then the night happened. I met with a therapist who really got me, actively listened to me, and I plan on seeing him again soon. It was such a good day and having a therapist is incredibly big for me. I haven't had insurance since November and really needed this... but then the night happened... 

My boyfriend came home, we became intimate, then he stopped. Basically, said he wasn't into it and then all hell broke loose. I felt disappointed, sure, but he then proceeded to tickle me, my least favorite thing to happen after the man I love tells me he's not into it. So, it pissed me off, but I was still trying to communicate why. I asked him for a compromise (why not touch me on my back?) and he proceeded to tell me that I can only be touched at certain times, or at a certain spot, and ignored trying to compromise by doing it anywhere anyway. 

I say the wrong things all the time and he is incredibly logical, so... I don't know... I'm just upset. It's not about the sex, it's about him verbally slapping me when I don't make sense or when I say something wrong. He always has to slap my hand, everyday, all day long... I can't say anything without being corrected. 

I've been through a lot of abuse and this just really hurt me. He isn't willing to try and see it from my perspective and even if I got my words out right and said how I felt, I really doubt that he would listen... I just want to cry at this point. I would have loved to just been held after being turned down... 😞 Too much to ask. ",2.4480467571644056,4.1478121405228805,4.116339869281045,86.5127601809955,76.2875816993464,7.844947209653093,23.860734037204622,8.617729084823388,1.5178480643539467,1169,37,249,24,26,392,161,306,0.184,0.7190000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.9887,0,0,1,0,1,0,56.0,1,0,0,1,19,17,2,2,13,0,25,5,2,2,7,54,51,27,0,5,14,0,5,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,16,17,0,3,4,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,16,14,38,7,33,29,6,39,1,3,2,3,29,13,2,5,25,173,54,0,0.0,0.12201841992946635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569039010077703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474651545277963,0.0,0.1925510454820287,0.0,0.0,0.07918783296916422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778550780600028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312236510966568,0.19924720735181506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801952592023269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776031591365825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727550819782988,0.16473037209667385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732034868182189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330068845289817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024579721995834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659695133995508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911370166895193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755275437669782,0.18589297320757045,0.0,0.06874218024976961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570460554954052,0.07636084295810902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193285779766504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832347195430843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735254504478592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26389506287605274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794721110280942,0.19592148177016688,0.2456894602564483,0.0,0.0,0.1641287800406133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518888443770889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928160773567776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082242629694194,0.08609868493278744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706058077507056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002395960468492,0.0,0.0,0.2391431942603568,0.1368351123922084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201008294067366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975678698872197,0.11201630333621182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074224312890265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585289566311547,0.0,0.0,0.0992722664098474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631282238528642,0.2251922350612672,0.0,0.0
bpd,BorderlineOnTheFence,2019/01/11,"Marooned from my friends and heading down a darker and more hopeless path than ever before I'm a college student who ""decided""(didn't have any other choice) to take a medical leave of absence for BPD - formerly misdiagnosed as major depression and generalized anxiety. I wasn't doing well in school by many peoples standards but since I've left, I have been marooned from all of my best friends and it feels like I'm heading down a path of eternal loneliness. What connections I have are fading away, along with any hope I have to return to a ""happy"" life. 

​

My best friend in the world is at school, the one place I can't be because of the dumb fucking university administration. No matter how much she convinces me she will always be my friend, I know that so much time apart will change everything.

And once I lose her, I've lost everything.

I am already so fucking alone and yet I have to keep living because of her.

I want to die but its not worth the pain it would cause her and my family.

So, There are three outcomes I can see:

1. I tough it out and make it back to school next year and our friendship stays in tact and we can live happily ever after
2. I tough it out and make it back to school next year and our friendship is too far gone and then I won't have to burden her with my passing
3. I give up on her now and then either find a new path or off myself

Not a lot of butterflies and rainbows in this post but that's life with BPD

I can't think straight because my mind is a perpetual war zone of the most painful emotions my asshole mind can fathom.

Ive made a lot of mistakes to get myself where I am and it doesn't seem possible to pull myself out",5.1576785714285736,5.554402982142856,5.645833333333332,83.08250000000002,68.28571428571428,8.542857142857143,30.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,2.0522535714285715,1326,48,271,18,21,427,188,336,0.147,0.701,0.152,0.7974,0,1,0,0,0,2,30.0,3,0,0,4,14,25,4,0,14,0,29,9,2,5,3,57,49,27,2,4,7,0,1,1,4,4,5,0,0,0,14,24,0,1,5,0,1,3,8,14,1,2,5,2,40,11,43,38,11,45,0,4,1,2,16,21,3,6,20,190,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188610889337977,0.09790360254666601,0.0,0.07382129998186933,0.09612697970715396,0.107803273655903,0.1206638998465678,0.0,0.06786977823770454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833544038455427,0.13643884140697415,0.0,0.16224680352499954,0.0,0.07549331904472972,0.0,0.18621019573271927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234769036281326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113883307048794,0.09385291902063388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641352901777917,0.0,0.09207629618112187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979691326950617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050279658006372,0.0,0.0,0.1594698004065466,0.0,0.08363636024799087,0.0,0.044858982902068766,0.0633808583203622,0.0,0.0,0.08108754207963523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274176261027677,0.16403853813943287,0.04635200624631002,0.08510733149780253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444300584223438,0.0,0.0,0.1821025414945565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811796715208221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885750740928472,0.0,0.0,0.04875763219203967,0.0,0.0,0.09394059170990507,0.09639343330717164,0.0,0.12532968114588428,0.04334361313556967,0.0,0.15668097266199355,0.0,0.0,0.09925384719057137,0.09684724886802172,0.15085141140050715,0.0,0.08394804570850545,0.11844121852305485,0.08994712254407186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937504044695742,0.0,0.0,0.1791617613458727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130437319510605,0.0,0.0,0.08568534545939377,0.18870728726516334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944828201360336,0.06011827812875624,0.0,0.18880650356376588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061506571214218826,0.0,0.09269245310177814,0.0,0.0,0.10001732170051264,0.08496826036673283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35915338422272824,0.0706975420043425,0.08076642897312462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338925853647013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456263015601966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670563309540188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684754121797461,0.0,0.0,0.05173275174310135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232875409152445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976901935398377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302341919435521,0.0,0.107803273655903,0.11426423101822662
bpd,troubledoncampus,2019/01/11,"I deserve a good one. Hello! I (22) am 6 mos. in the best relationship I have ever been in. On all levels, my S.O. is understanding, kind, beautiful, funny to boot. When we first met and spent less time together, it was easier to conceal my mood swings, etc. As time has gone on I have found my S.O. is unfortunately also experiencing my mood swings, up-downs, splitting, etc. S.O. does not have BPD but sympathizes. So far has not gotten infuriated with me and when I have a flare up we discuss it. Granted, this is only about 6 mos. in - but I cannot emphasize how important they are to me. It hurts me to think I could be anything but a good spot in their life. 

Now that I have noticed they are experiencing my bad moods, I want to try and be the best partner I can be by managing these changes. I am medicated for mood disorder which helps a ton but I have a feeling I have to put in my own work. I just want to be better for my S.O. because they (and I think me, to an extent) deserve it. So what do I do next? How can I start the process of learning to control this shit we call BPD?

Thank you for your help. ",1.6735724774491307,3.5568172466960384,3.7006041535556986,87.78403817914833,79.1762114537445,6.9669813299769245,23.584854205999584,7.957251820313856,1.1309426893224257,853,29,190,15,21,290,127,227,0.08800000000000001,0.715,0.196,0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,3,2,4,6,11,14,1,0,9,0,28,3,1,3,2,29,41,16,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,10,8,0,1,6,0,1,2,3,3,0,2,7,3,37,7,25,29,9,21,0,1,0,0,17,10,1,0,9,139,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121083175011782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536280447066137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170511499754272,0.08545732233564543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29423737860812804,0.12398492089348835,0.0,0.0,0.3531238343005997,0.0,0.1431476533048007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830034820966548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723279685875088,0.11192873530900198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606676285020649,0.0,0.12267949037486554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126934225227095,0.0,0.12680809968316206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708832805002648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924386729719183,0.0,0.15370893981476744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23516613794793956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793016388090047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500741863007311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459842612572735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901895193507347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412246924000596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490915610465585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960500211043613,0.0,0.0,0.09499503769616316,0.1066193144609328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092769104604708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050948106444947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390099895604186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922580967234597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906630381140324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965365905423716,0.0,0.0,0.16348953612533662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951784706603746,0.0,0.0,0.14594068395374596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537306530540385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205855598001212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kendallybrown,2019/01/11,"My dog died yesterday and I feel like I'm absolutely shattering **TW: Pet loss, death**

Yesterday, I had to put my dog of nearly a decade to sleep, after his cancer became too aggressive to contain. I've worked from home for the last few years, so Winston was my CONSTANT companion—we legitimately went everywhere together. I guess I didn't realize how much of my ""getting better at handling being alone"" was actually just ""not really alone, because you've got Winston.""

Now that he's gone, all I can think about is the fact that he was the ONE creature in this entire world, in my entire life, that I never once worried that he'd abandon me or stop loving me. He's also the only creature I never, ever split on. But now he's gone, and it feels like the immense emptiness and loneliness is going to make my chest cave in.

To top it off, I googled ""BPD and pet loss"" last night, and most of the top results were non-BPD people talking about how borderlines can't be trusted with pets, which really amplified the already horrible feelings.

I just feel so lost right now.",5.213916376306621,6.300331468292682,6.065104529616729,77.65932926829271,68.46341463414635,9.174216027874564,31.22822299651568,9.424239791934726,2.8725540069686413,841,34,154,17,14,277,134,205,0.174,0.747,0.079,-0.9626,0,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,7,14,10,1,0,8,0,13,5,2,4,5,31,29,12,2,0,5,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,8,6,0,3,6,0,0,5,5,5,0,1,11,4,19,5,21,15,4,31,0,4,0,1,8,11,0,3,17,95,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.13906853000730862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951933346077361,0.1572625680525634,0.1139646442626469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687235306620159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260379043991122,0.0,0.0,0.35897097605007555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400193748366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790216516608426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890783032099246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882279576195476,0.20361736004729414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744552329747891,0.0,0.08099132538711992,0.0,0.11397771422312868,0.0,0.15699007235445647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294845810980367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323282173351032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065854063345643,0.13924570154867358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556574701682893,0.0,0.12862021682259034,0.0,0.09512607148103737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476074068036947,0.0,0.2198239316316504,0.0,0.0,0.13373533422660192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517677648721731,0.09656799708590924,0.10838475248671706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879801242906684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326121856792806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825902271605968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217021726620574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426122291986513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914416487200526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454358576688023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131421200921963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210755873894328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374847545187067,0.14472512256088796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177132372586846
bpd,alissysantiago,2019/01/11,"Real feelings vs. what you think others' feeelings are Hey you guys, 

​

I'm just wondering if you guys have in insight into the intense pain I feel when something, i can recognise of so insignificant, happens.

For instance, my housemate asked me to turn my music i was listening to in the shower down at 8:45 am and I pissed me off all day long she does things all the time that I minorly-care about, but would require, like, a recognition to myself \*that\* I myself even care about it and probably an argument too, bc I will accidentally handle it badly

​

This seems to have caused a chain of events, that I can acknowledge aren't the housemates fault, but what can be done to prevent the spiral? Espc. when in a hard-to-manage spiral ",6.4458865248226935,7.331288765957446,6.337021276595745,77.53333333333335,65.59574468085107,8.819858156028369,32.687943262411345,8.841846274778883,2.752126241134752,600,24,105,9,9,189,98,141,0.12,0.7909999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.6779,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,1,8,6,1,0,9,0,13,2,1,1,2,22,24,8,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,2,10,3,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,18,2,17,19,2,13,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,3,7,80,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34498234702139385,0.38688645451777615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882881847317952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292383982952907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231316579784796,0.16354039538760226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266966310160043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393154098219475,0.1629150218947062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514890376701562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099077754958882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31526247652403006,0.14077843460200226,0.0,0.14261030948613507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777619474495631,0.0,0.0,0.140885389420932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939809960419375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164257585888218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120239435576407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449280540830912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225585452046406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576420425033642,0.10200777269564408,0.0,0.0,0.09282974545013196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731619169714418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264364727389847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308982731600242,0.0,0.38688645451777615,0.0
bpd,ijustwannabanon,2019/01/11,"I need to talk to people who might understand It feels like I’ve been completely taken over by my BPD lately. I’m throwing public tantrums,fighting with everyone, and ruining my relationship. Im constantly accusing my bf of stuff and I berate him and scream at him for no reason. I know I’m wrong but at the same time I think I’m right but don’t know why. I don’t know what to do anymore. ",1.60027777777778,3.7075382098765455,3.655046296296295,86.89145833333335,80.48148148148148,7.50679012345679,23.70524691358025,8.472884824447931,1.6274061728395064,309,11,65,7,8,105,56,81,0.11599999999999999,0.86,0.024,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,16,16,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,10,1,10,13,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766066899257732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637219831659463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219543602474746,0.2262784407334558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008309703312746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587492256852253,0.1495897372805877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226179368418333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34522921825220204,0.0,0.23620337643780365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229838903362212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213189725712426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526156736583022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451660970329405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528992307257244,0.0,0.22480872133827895,0.0,0.1788196844391394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970382455221384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830141494874734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416998414349662,0.0,0.0,0.12209820042096538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179845304019521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894377512283028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289373585975709,0.0,0.0
bpd,Musingoutloud,2019/01/11,"Looking for a female BPD perspective. Hi 

I am a guy have had a friendship with a female friend that I strongly suspect that has BPD. I had an experience with her earlier last year, which has affected me as she has been 'in my head' for about a year now and I am not sure how to go about things. 

She lives overseas and I briefly met her a few years ago through a mutual friend just about she was set to return home. Then when she returned for a holiday, I was surprised that she wanted to hang out, as we barely knew each other. I thought we would see each other once and nothing more, as she probably had closer friends to hang out with. But we ended up hanging out quite a lot during her stay and really had fun. When she returned home, we kept in touch via messenger, but over time, unsurprisingly the contact between us became less frequent. But she was always happy to hear from me and she always mentioned I should visit or even move over and I was welcome to stay with her. 

Earlier last year I finally had the opportunity to take her up on her offer. But when I went over, there were immediate problems. It turned out that she was in a very bad place as she broke up with a boyfriend. She didn’t tell me any of this before I went over. It was concerning enough for me to ask her relative that if she was OK and he said don’t worry about it she has been like this for months. She did seem to be devastated and always looked sad/irritable. But it was more than that. Without giving the details, she basically treated me very badly by avoiding me, barely wanted to do anything, cancelled a mini-trip we had planned, snapped at me, constantly took pot shots/undermined me and almost seemed to wanted to pick fights, there was a almost a pull/push where she seemed to do things and then have a problem when we did them. But she did almost made some very cutting comments for no apparent reason. The whole time I was there I felt I was unwelcome and walking on eggshells. Knowing that she was in a bad place, I didn’t really react and did try to cheer her up, but it seemed to be unappreciated. Also, she seemed to at least be capable of trying to have a good time on other trips she had shortly before and after my stay with her other overseas trips with her friends. However, most interestingly, it was the cryptic comments she made when I first got there: that she was maturing/evolving and that she has been through a lot and has been in survival mode for a long time. And that I never met the real her, only a version of her. That there was two of her that was the life of the party at work and socially and was another version of her that was tired from dealing with people. She later mentioned in-passing that she was doing some type of group therapy and was always on YouTube with Ted talks about psychology/feelings subjects. She even mused/questioned if she was a psychopath.

When I returned home I was really perplexed on how to feel. At one point I was furious at her or maybe even felt like I did something wrong and also used/duped. I told a friend about it and he immediately said that she had BPD as he had an ex who had it. I went to see a therapist about some of my own stuff, and my experience was brought up and he said from what I described it sounded that she displayed BPD and or some traits in that direction. Also I have an acquaintance that I have know for many years that I just discovered that has BDP and as soon as I knew it, everything I knew about my acquaintance matched up with BDP. I told him about the situation and he questioned maybe she was going to Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. Also since I returned home, there has been pretty much zero contact from her. Maybe a ‘like’ here and there on Facebook, but not even a Happy New Year or Merry Christmas. If I happened to have arrived at a bad time, I don’t think she would have acted this way since I left. Also she mentioned that when I was over that she intended to visit my country this year and has recently shown on FB that she is gearing up to travel relatively soon, but maybe not here after all.

Since coming home, over the past year now, I have educated myself online about BPD and I think I have a good understanding of how it works and why she acted the way she did, that is if she even has this condition or not. But I strongly think she does. But I am unsure how to go about things. I am pretty sure that I was put through the devaluation stage while I was visiting and have now been discarded. It still kind of hurts as it is just so unnecessary and we could be very good friends. But I just hate the idea that she has moved on as if nothing has happened. I still want to be friends with her but I want some closure/accountability made. I am not dirt under her feet. 

I have written out a letter/message that I am thinking about sending her and then de-friending her on Facebook, as she has taken up way too much of my mind/energy and to also let her know this is serious. It is not abusive or angry or anything likes that. I simply outline what she did and how I feel. I also do mention that I think she has BPD and the reasons why. And I do mention that I am happy that she made moves to go to group therapy and is seeking to get generally-speaking better/happier and that I still want to be friends in the future and that she is welcome to contact me if she wants. 

Although I know you cannot speak for her, but by your judgement, from what I described above what do you think what happened? What exactly went through her head in regards to me? 

In your opinion, what is her impression of me? Does she think ill of me? That I am some loser there just to give her company/supply? 

Does she feel bad on how she treated me at all? Does she even realize? Is that one of the reasons she has kept away since I left? Is she ashamed/embarrassed? 

Does she hate that I saw ‘the real her’? She could have avoided all this by saying not to come over/bad time but she must have realized I would see the ‘real her’ once I was over. But I still accept her and want to be friends. 

If a person who has BPD is given a letter described above and is de-friended on Facebook, but in the letter show true concern, wanting to remain friends and is happy they are getting therapy – will they still feel abandoned? Am I doing the very thing that I shouldn’t? 

Should I wait and see if she is visiting and have a very uncomfortable talk/argument in-person? It will more real that way on not virtual. But if I send this, if can give the opportunity to calm down and read/re-read my points and later speak about it? 

If I send the message I intend, what do you think the reaction will be? 

Is there any coming back for this relationship?

​

Thank you for any advice that you could provide. It has been concerning my for a long time and I really want to have some answers and how I should proceed from here. 

​

Looking forward to your responses. 

​

​

​

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bpd,lady_dont_be_shady,2019/01/11,"Can I get anti depressants confidentially? (17yo) I don’t want my parents knowing what medication I’m taking.

is there any way I can get some prescribed without my doctor consulting my parent about it? Or do I need parental consent?",3.740714285714287,6.8562373571428585,5.105047619047621,73.42328571428571,80.19047619047619,7.1695238095238105,32.20952380952381,8.238735603445708,3.2025752380952386,187,10,29,4,5,62,33,42,0.134,0.787,0.079,-0.5007,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,6,12,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,12,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,19,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692395117915078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875228485504115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361914913495096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24112398072665284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268190453556314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324652941197293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711047852795239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.768691281931445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350195915344327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361075659375474,0.18316565767541304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244332527322933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sticky-cat,2019/01/11,"I hate my birthday My birthday is tomorrow and honestly it’s one of my most hated days of the year. Whenever it comes around I remember birthdays as a kid where it was just an inconvenience. I have horrible birthday memories and I don’t celebrate or tell anyone if I can. My fiancé’s family knows and wanted to do something but I felt like such a burden it was overwhelming. I refused any get togethers. I’m hiding at home all day tomorrow.
How do you guys feel about your birthday? Is it a good or bad day for you & how the hell do you manage it? 
Can’t wait for it to be over.",0.9079831932773104,3.298943789915967,3.3922268907563056,85.88144957983195,85.89075630252101,7.433613445378151,23.62605042016807,8.418075326091056,1.9037630252100841,457,18,93,12,14,158,79,119,0.22699999999999998,0.687,0.086,-0.9618,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,0,7,9,3,1,6,0,12,0,0,2,1,21,22,10,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,3,2,15,3,11,18,2,11,1,1,0,0,8,4,1,4,7,66,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340498776690929,0.0,0.1468961736039185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104123627254676,0.0,0.0,0.1922972708094759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803617415210991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860759789212472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179313341114183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363772943210068,0.0,0.10922260839334112,0.0,0.207406251165552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285782019486992,0.0,0.0,0.18118136471100746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388672406338705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42653601809842784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166785427688175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187150359321258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553298754440726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637592572426086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24470049685000436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629727729615834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880478830691289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274100000957989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910521985212548
bpd,nettiemelontwopointo,2019/01/11,"Body dysmorphia...Maybe? Before I get “see a professional” I’ve seen many professionals in the past, I can’t currently afford one, so this is the next best thing. 

I’ve noticed lately that sometimes I look in the mirror and love what I see, but other times I hate it. I think everyone goes through this now and then, some people just have those days. But I’ve noticed the back and forth happens to me what I would think is more than average. I’ll go a couple days very comfortable in my skin, confident, and when I look in the mirror I actually feel beautiful, but the next couple days I feel incredibly fat and ugly and I hate going outside, It’s almost as if my body literally changes, I’m like wait, who’s that? It’s gotten to the point I don’t feel like I know what my body actually LOOKS like because my view of it changes so often. Am I fat? Am I okay? Am I pretty? Am I ugly? I think I’m scared to figure out the truth if I’m being honest. I obviously have BPD so I’m used to my mental state bouncing around from one extreme to another, but my personal view of my own body has never changed back and forth this drastically or I’d say even at all! Does anyone know else deal with this as frequently, or have any advice on how I should approach this? Anything would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading! ",2.0440406386066776,4.2388060150943385,3.880849056603776,85.39244920174166,79.41509433962264,6.944847605224964,23.39985486211901,8.012643519586192,1.325870827285922,1034,35,211,19,26,348,149,265,0.083,0.73,0.187,0.9834,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,1,12,14,2,1,10,1,17,8,7,2,4,41,46,23,0,5,9,0,4,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,18,10,2,1,9,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,2,13,29,11,22,39,5,29,0,0,8,1,6,9,0,7,19,131,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.18277314498968775,0.0,0.0,0.09151137463935513,0.0,0.0,0.09377456837566936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368359584501747,0.09819769937635016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548059633362756,0.0,0.07706401551283354,0.08336624008567008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401848514382035,0.0,0.05708672257386254,0.0,0.07968723081479748,0.0,0.09827740411459443,0.0,0.0,0.41608559705314657,0.11794590452858407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972003078659922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723863018659175,0.0,0.18118491121684707,0.0965465886107498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195166711432975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823057351074081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185337264531113,0.0,0.0,0.08948431820946487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205315794300455,0.06690188151910736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048927018539086216,0.0,0.1064442060120222,0.0,0.0,0.10324683640749184,0.0,0.0,0.08281228490175394,0.0,0.0,0.18491528215816475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293257044820066,0.0,0.1056385992256552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725449674169088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592125599187025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452063718759711,0.0,0.0,0.09494399247500973,0.09408162571612858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437477914868622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222682106117634,0.0,0.19919062172672028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132368819395773,0.0,0.0,0.1269161077047342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939725385394369,0.06492347136135618,0.08176949339067845,0.0,0.0,0.0885272745606337,0.0,0.0,0.09527330085244913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367296668762327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744723495921295,0.0937576088949682,0.0,0.14925006395336585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261989500664616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621815050999031,0.0,0.0,0.06221532040434824,0.18001684899850892,0.0,0.0,0.054606682829703004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088147968248746,0.0,0.07726909762878892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304917085716406,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDlovely,2019/01/11,"Dating issues (again) I just got “dumped” by someone I’ve been dating for about a week. This just really sucks because he is someone I found really interesting and who actually ticked off the majority of the traits I am looking for in a partner,  without any red flags so far. He even dumped me kindly and gave me reasons  for his decision. He said he felt like my boundaries were very different from his for two (understandable) reasons:

I invited him to have cocktails with my parents and me. I live with my parents, so I could have framed that question differently... as in, I didn’t actually want him to meet my parents any time soon. It just came out wrong. Ugh. 

He is also a good friend with the brother of my lifelong FP and he felt weird about the way I spoke about my FP. If we didn’t have that mutual friend connection, I would not have discussed my FP. It was a fluke, but I’m certainly not going to backpedal with “I have BPD and he’s just my favorite person, not my preferred partner.”

I’m proud of myself for not telling him I: have BPD, am a rape and domestic abuse survivor, or that I’m applying for disability. 

That said, I possibly could have told him I had BPD and he would have been less weirded out by my behavior because he’s smart and aware about mental illness issues. But it was too soon to tell him about BPD because BOUNDARIES!

How do I keep track of all these boundaries and be authentic?",4.4905272727272685,5.823373134545456,5.176863636363635,82.43729545454545,70.38181818181819,8.40909090909091,30.47727272727273,8.841846274778883,2.4085818181818186,1112,46,218,20,20,359,143,275,0.1,0.79,0.11,0.2003,5,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,1,0,0,1,18,17,4,0,9,0,26,2,0,3,2,48,45,18,0,7,13,4,2,1,4,2,1,3,0,3,10,17,1,1,9,1,0,2,7,8,0,1,18,7,36,9,33,22,3,16,0,0,2,1,37,6,1,3,8,147,46,0,0.0,0.11700686643215955,0.19273853436890429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897321739110118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431166736451175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059783194239995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975068033093506,0.0,0.0,0.11294780892481138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769342619517834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635298451379785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522582073041182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963788322342595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827822403828102,0.15259357113942293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612394605338874,0.08282983345545764,0.07898227438274187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614620059915706,0.0,0.08777673618885308,0.0,0.1028366766794873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824602020358374,0.0,0.08720123711103649,0.0,0.08292815137750803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952040063398312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32896255475656666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622783348777181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113298448003935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062663163210673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265281684187258,0.20307029419150469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787457387109405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673472078232925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262999642373733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057584017695479224,0.0,0.0,0.09436329577666352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646791670214548,0.1028059792259753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148206143643705,0.05824743127047275,0.0783860102343978,0.0792141803418744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519494534472107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403034466111232,0.10797155783776097,0.0,0.0
bpd,depersonalizationAl,2018/12/16,"Attachment vs Love How can I tell the difference between being emotionally attached to someone and loving them/being in love with them??

I often confuse the two and I also confuse infatuation with being in love. ",6.631801801801803,9.133588756756758,8.036216216216218,59.413963963963965,66.83783783783784,9.257657657657658,36.65765765765766,9.725611199111238,4.489565765765766,172,9,22,4,3,59,25,37,0.077,0.505,0.418,0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,9,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,6,5,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860986888821332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431331857403856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617682523045291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8401220876627629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971750486609264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033994375402317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273245716779297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MsFortunate-,2018/12/16,"Internet support vs real life Sometimes it’s nice having people to relate to on the internet (BPD reddit and support groups on Facebook)... but in real life, I literally have no one who can relate to me. I have a pretty supportive family, maybe one supportive friend, but I just want to sit down face to face and talk to someone who can relate to me and know what the fuck I’m talking about and hear their same struggles and bond with them. This shit is hard. 

",5.14419475655431,6.120346359550562,5.839943820224723,79.61287453183522,68.5505617977528,8.629962546816481,28.316479400749067,8.841846274778883,2.196706367041199,362,12,67,6,6,118,60,89,0.159,0.645,0.196,0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,2,9,2,1,3,0,6,6,3,0,0,15,15,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,2,7,6,13,15,1,5,0,0,0,1,9,4,2,0,0,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729407086612204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401898283800972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489238312558593,0.13747928796340433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321426167342432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760611140504028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172670437779055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100754556831146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939841060616174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015384473544147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309625666639048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129075005044762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33852732336867425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264788880399222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600084900472874,0.0,0.14707723212876375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546317667198228,0.0,0.0,0.6750138930658353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390536940444913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771255747719303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,VaE357,2018/12/16,"High functioning issues Anyone else have high functioning bpd? Sometimes i hate it. For 7 years i have had the impulsiveness, anger, mood swings, lack of empathy, suicidal thoughts/ idealization. But never been actually diagnosed, my mom doesn’t take mental health seriously because on the outside i am driven and determined. Everyone tells me how i have the perfect future ahead of me. I have days even months where I’m happy and feel normal. Until i flash on someone or i just for some reason feel numb and wanna isolate myself. But in the mist of all of that i maintain a good image at least to the people who aren’t very close to me. Who else has these same sort of problems being high functioning?

NOT LOOKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS!",5.258371777476253,7.483767686567166,5.892252374491179,74.51523066485755,69.8955223880597,8.753324287652646,29.34599728629579,9.339509955726095,2.9225462686567165,586,23,96,13,11,190,97,134,0.162,0.732,0.106,-0.8045,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,4,10,2,0,7,0,11,3,0,2,3,25,19,8,1,5,5,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,3,13,4,17,14,5,17,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,3,7,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.15464245312603758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108049002467984,0.1623697644952529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660096203132837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958560119429747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021991100555369,0.0,0.0,0.16084225051069134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26476029173411314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046669879268044,0.0,0.0,0.15142349807465816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025292862249993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291590785946816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686927265735215,0.0,0.1564548930590728,0.0,0.16844466670199745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022921957815751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540000300224922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307367729256991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969903413988182,0.0,0.0,0.1855964597310741,0.12648809102113692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222207211133326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552655406611911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986214498136067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163300824440573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293207040110666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426989484134,0.0,0.1567294557732966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333888183238197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914863386997482,0.0,0.13850850437105355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580633384658807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075315642049484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204855567860106
bpd,worthlesschild,2018/12/16,"venting through prose Actions speak louder than words, he says, but
Sometimes my body shakes so uncontrollably, my arms convulse and my breath gets stuck in my throat until I feel like my lungs are going to tear
Sometimes my hands find fistfuls of my hair and tears them out from my scalp and sometimes my fingernails leave long trails of red and dewwy blood down my back and my hips
Sometimes my heart beats so so fast in my chest and my head swims and the noises around me seem drowned and so far away
And reality becomes a tunnel vision
And I can’t tell what’s really happening or what’s in my head

And sometimes at night I try to take you in

I try to touch your chest and whisper to you how much you matter but the solo of my sweet  plea is nothing compared to shatter crash-bang of the cymbals in the symphony that is my mental illness
And I feel like I am running a race in which I am going to lose
I feel like my demons scream so much louder than I ever can

I feel hurt and betrayed by the people I loved and the people that I pushed away but I am not betrayed by them, no
I am betrayed by the face that stares back at me in the reflection of my dirty bathroom mirror
I am betrayed by this body and this mind and this human life that will not release me from its toxic grasp


",5.658850574712641,5.4549774904214585,5.527800766283527,86.42227586206897,67.19923371647509,8.0327969348659,29.277394636015323,7.0316486544052195,1.4125941762452103,1019,31,214,7,15,317,138,261,0.19899999999999998,0.725,0.076,-0.9912,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,2,2,11,10,0,2,10,0,11,20,17,1,1,38,23,28,1,0,6,0,7,3,0,1,2,4,0,1,11,19,0,0,8,1,0,7,4,5,0,0,1,14,43,5,35,21,2,29,1,2,2,1,12,15,0,2,10,145,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189454815161343,0.0,0.0,0.2150797356761204,0.17602687195835134,0.0,0.0,0.12641317060320345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542807127954683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353651838145862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314996626490176,0.2453128621685552,0.0,0.0,0.10461527113451267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059801143020515674,0.0,0.13010163663140425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012174753568781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23493999527112785,0.0,0.0,0.13563682414173264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253285702830614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119766144368599,0.0,0.0,0.0808471821812168,0.16775957405419406,0.0,0.0,0.10129437418573588,0.0,0.12805256971271395,0.0,0.0,0.10330551224172364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153497563088088,0.0,0.11557297064034798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828399525613527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741388522267448,0.0,0.10982840684068132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870567683036774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332664107220344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910239732975962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420098635240077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5660242288637354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860604195601508,0.0,0.10004395024646344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554229974531429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FuriousFiona,2018/12/16,"I don't understand why we are expected to have to fight this illness? Surely there's a point after seeking treatment and exhausting doctors and facilities and everything where there's just nothing left to do?

I don't understand why everyone wants me to stay alive and keep fighting. I just don't get it",6.187631578947368,7.705405263157897,6.528903508771932,73.63440789473684,66.54385964912281,10.612280701754386,37.05701754385965,10.686352973137794,4.432512280701754,248,13,42,7,4,80,39,57,0.18899999999999997,0.7170000000000001,0.094,-0.6793,0,0,0,0,3,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,13,11,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497899678717161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23319505373212795,0.21933153170515055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750322006664438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169180351694808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26515514937224816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341673556669685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307010095288659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601190502692321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300091277528044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081180272958247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394381579278695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404245480548957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThrowawayThisWorldu,2018/12/16,"Those with BPD, when you devalue a loved one, what can help snap you out of it? I'm in a relationship with a 21 year old woman who has BPD and I love her deeply. At first she **idealized** me and everything was intense. She was so sweet to me and I was sweet to her. Now she's started her **devaluation** phase, and is very cold to me. I try to keep being sweet to her but she's only cold and mean to me which hurts so deeply. Every time I try to talk issues out with her she takes it as an argument and argues with me rather than trying to see it as help. Even when I admit my own flaws and ask what I can do to improve, she can't provide a clear reason. She also has devalued the past good memories we shared.

​

Would pointing out that her BPD is influencing her be helpful? Please be sensitive with advice, thank you. It's also worth mentioning this is a long distance relationship.",0.7429733802109482,3.1477950828729284,2.6131115017579103,90.98155575087894,87.12154696132599,5.942842792566549,19.2769964841788,7.348242739294969,0.5247436464088402,694,20,149,12,22,230,107,181,0.067,0.7140000000000001,0.21899999999999997,0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,3,0,2,9,11,1,0,7,0,16,2,0,2,1,26,27,16,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,16,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,6,30,9,23,20,1,16,0,1,1,2,33,6,0,0,10,107,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768736143599851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899047521618316,0.0,0.14157883886675465,0.1587760518091246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215704073714274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937157178806165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630505202356338,0.0,0.11009351544723196,0.0,0.11743606864926665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114622468932196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095982082774051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627522323879657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988291061607525,0.0,0.0,0.1363835546102591,0.0,0.116143816948637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563716242135225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358661355903693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423358747134676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711419709479467,0.0,0.08854409072320492,0.09937898317036037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473749311733275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343434210849515,0.12352359636510392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434857628756952,0.0,0.2805772905464381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041255632726752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248755836923599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824615428769068,0.10502607443417444,0.0,0.1203016367079898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619362374104925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26614520122628965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078148725843482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282287385011324,0.0,0.1587760518091246,0.08414597650340606
bpd,seraperrotto,2018/12/16,Does anyone else feel this way? And how do you handle it. So recently I was diagnosed with bpd and for a while I have dealt with not feeling right in my body and constantly wanting to cut my hair or feeling body dysmorphia and feeling like I need different eye colors or a million tattoos. I literally have such strong urges to shave off all of my hair or not eat for days cause my body needs to lose weight or eat a lot because it needs to gain it. Does anyone else feel this way and how do they control their urges and impulses? ,6.065597484276728,5.821967132075473,6.105660377358492,82.75427672955976,66.35849056603774,9.708176100628927,31.817610062893078,9.2995712137729,2.5082062893081774,420,15,87,7,6,133,65,106,0.081,0.831,0.087,0.5647,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,4,4,4,1,0,3,0,5,10,6,4,1,29,14,14,0,4,6,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,3,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,10,11,2,11,13,2,9,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,5,5,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878893860128037,0.2753267706582145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190204315822612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477169864227677,0.16921641543771154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380204073797852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519087931951488,0.15069144412968052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664837022830407,0.0,0.0,0.13636829971445488,0.0,0.14037320543971013,0.0,0.0,0.23515131625228536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27495903233953417,0.2244740464712916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396716243885743,0.09598380394766673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563945291746652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030976326697734,0.0,0.1142244889135824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988693498678244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326601348252861,0.0,0.0,0.11473911142042854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924652657998026,0.2132907463230144,0.0,0.16360915779712626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PrpleMnkeyDshwasher,2018/12/16,"Unmedicated for the first time in years When I got out of the army I was misdiagnosed with PTSD, and then when I finally got my BPD diagnosis I was on a lot of pills that were tough for me to continue with because I felt like an alien. Now though I have a good doctor who helped me taper off of them over the past many months and now I'm not on any and I feel OK. A while ago my doctor said I no longer fit qualifications for BPD. I was close to suicidal when I got out of the army and came back to America, and now I'm happier than I've ever been and I'm unmedicated. ",3.2594512195121936,3.4996480650406525,5.372103658536584,83.93181402439026,72.41463414634147,9.402032520325204,24.318089430894307,9.516144504307137,1.5575699186991874,444,11,108,10,8,156,74,123,0.068,0.8140000000000001,0.11800000000000001,0.7213,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,9,4,0,0,8,1,6,3,0,0,1,17,16,12,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,11,3,15,3,20,5,1,28,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,19,72,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529040638903851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173007154759248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263597261562846,0.0,0.10514973775014333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344961620046609,0.0,0.0,0.1972853000530775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35310646611228297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602920922221306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721731680520714,0.0,0.1656197098877301,0.18895694203023788,0.0,0.14672190787076236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467840237152868,0.4138736779970629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561798864820992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427105105303177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664683066213602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488017282445598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376817509858283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466346944620452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20163433070052475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407972864341586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867863821756825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694728616393842,0.0,0.10058167854213924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107942034682702
bpd,theoreticaI,2018/12/16,Does anyone else feel like time goes really slow for them? Idk I feel like obsessing over everything makes things move by so extremely slow ,4.214266666666667,7.4608429600000035,3.708000000000002,83.32066666666668,79.4,9.733333333333334,20.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.554733333333333,114,3,20,4,3,34,22,25,0.132,0.6940000000000001,0.174,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148056288946462,0.3147689253651592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688381044022033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25663125387777885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27609700933692866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31066524168419674,0.43893615936929975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30017073903846997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506243898888465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265114375956728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680407660138846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409406411399392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791343314486735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wanderingcacti,2018/12/16,"I geel so blown off I want to cry. Ok so, I have been trying to organize having my friends come together to decorate the christmas tree with me for about a week. I was planning it around a specific friend's schedule, let's call them Brandon.  Today is the day of christmas tree decorating.

Brandon amd my other friend Alice and Taylor (names changed) are all involved along with my partner.

I wake up to brandon telling me that they habe another event they have to do for youth group that they learned about today and they have to leave at 4:30.  They were gonna stay the whole day.  Alice isn't gonna be at my house until 3pm.  We are gonna pick up Taylor once Brandon gets here.

I feel so blown off and I'm in my bedroom trying so so hard not to cry because I've been trying incredibly hard to organize this and even though brandon is coming over like...this happens a lot.

Mind you brandon lives like 4 hours away for college and i hardly ever get to ser them.  We've been friends for a while, so I try really hard to see them.  It seems like they kinda...blow me off a lot.  They were down for thanksgiving too for like a week and i found out like..on thanksgiving that they'd been there for 3 days already and left the day after thanksgiving.  They didn't tell me at all cause they thought i'd be busy.  I had been saying that like...I wasn't doing anything.

I feel so stupid and childish for like..feeling so hurt and blown off by this but brandon kinda..does this a lot.  It sucks!!! ",2.15484285714286,4.192739903333337,3.0239047619047628,92.46600000000002,78.3,5.885714285714287,23.380952380952376,6.868970318607317,0.6409952380952375,1161,38,247,12,28,367,152,300,0.077,0.872,0.052000000000000005,-0.7854,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,1,13,1,17,11,2,0,11,1,26,1,1,2,3,36,43,21,0,1,2,0,6,3,5,3,0,1,1,1,11,17,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,13,8,35,8,42,23,6,35,0,1,1,0,27,16,1,4,19,156,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868683629370753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327599122208922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104937936620488,0.08767752334307544,0.0,0.0,0.09253516938563973,0.0,0.0,0.06003896116588636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056992382699352,0.0,0.0,0.10117698605840512,0.10419000506564703,0.16968187761351544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163746187224483,0.2540731798435963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505211844008063,0.08909039464745255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939943385603455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798986928401616,0.3043744011741756,0.0,0.10291455643578183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709492037910688,0.0,0.3529129609957481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699341056584318,0.11364493932807446,0.10543623409966438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428733414219153,0.10701033499406966,0.1007133207733556,0.0,0.3368227566599094,0.0,0.08696901228908288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511995814619793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944743869976357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048892843324957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309560620173015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832368549988115,0.0,0.0,0.07848426385056606,0.0896621514989214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497788473484236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217026704934427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676652340128876,0.07819054213754366,0.0,0.0,0.1867151624919172,0.0,0.0,0.2674746340102969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809231306568378,0.0,0.1580064515564122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996124778576437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sysyph,2018/12/16,"What do you do when you're sure that your fp is leaving you? Only useful tricks I know she's not, or at least I know she cares about me and she has no reason to be tired of me, but I can't help to feel abandoned when she's busy. I don't text and don't do anything to get her attention, I just lay here being immeasurably sad, thinking that she's going to disappear (even if she did something nice for me just a couple of days ago, my mind doesn't care).

What do you do to stay calm in similar situations?",3.3376408912188715,3.498925201834865,4.772765399737878,88.57862385321104,72.21100917431194,8.06343381389253,24.74574049803407,7.957251820313856,1.0160657929226735,393,10,93,5,7,132,73,109,0.163,0.7290000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.7428,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,0,7,8,1,0,1,0,14,1,0,2,1,18,23,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,1,1,20,5,11,20,1,9,0,2,0,0,12,2,0,2,4,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654650502595566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246140539202765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521283721248248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453353323450111,0.0,0.14299477006857275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644777106405546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211120463151372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158425564107387,0.0,0.12601185712648033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861810084542315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437093543544319,0.0,0.0,0.23477556152769904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387980721987394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686324292109575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279710061187612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492290403211726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069531994211032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633015494488074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089739015435227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142072911911537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25484113999205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149986352055287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uesugi_san,2018/12/16,"Research Paper I had started a research paper not too long ago about BPD and though most of the information I found inside were things my psychiatrist had told me some time ago, its comforting to know that people publishing medical journals on this topic include not only solutions for prevention but ways to cope with it healthily. I have shed my fair share of tears over this, and it reminds me that BPD is not an endless void of despair.",12.770740740740745,8.945678913580249,11.256049382716052,62.45222222222226,56.1604938271605,14.256790123456788,46.7530864197531,11.855464076750405,5.491745679012343,356,16,59,7,3,112,63,81,0.077,0.8340000000000001,0.08900000000000001,0.2596,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,7,2,10,4,2,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,43,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221119050230849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5997420801074577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610577659766425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085022781874206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070568492132435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23985464178678856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108120501432376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506439082257532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852414850757752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817906447448105,0.0,0.2339261320339979,0.0,0.1388345177348543,0.0,0.0,0.22750900658418305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898792344783447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thegroundisbreaking,2018/12/16,"Dae relate to TV characters? Characters in Movies? I'm watching Kidding with jim Carrey and it's hilarious (but kinda sad) because I've been trying to practice mindfulness and when some little thing goes wrong in my schedule, I suddenly lose it. 

Things start breaking or I almost trip over something. I disassociate and say something offensive to a friend. I don't mean it but it slips out cause I'm tired and it's been a long day. 


I try to be so nice and thoughtful and pull back on any bad jealousy or envious behavior that I might regret later but it's hard to bite my tongue at times. 


So anyway the main character is kinda like a Mr Rogers type and I can see how it can really be hard to always be a positive and heart warming person 24/7. I find it funny how I can relate to it and the moral of the story (of this post) is that I need to lighten up and stop trying to act too nice at times.",3.8665384615384615,4.9267785109890125,5.2359340659340665,82.45906593406595,71.58241758241758,8.237362637362638,26.637362637362642,8.617729084823388,1.8293714285714284,707,23,142,12,13,237,113,182,0.147,0.6920000000000001,0.161,0.7137,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,2,0,7,0,12,2,1,3,0,32,19,20,0,2,5,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,3,14,12,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,7,0,0,3,6,12,5,20,12,2,25,1,3,2,0,5,9,0,7,12,90,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725721411890082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898300239250233,0.0,0.0,0.11358666865242825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843637152388954,0.13946373733989156,0.1018204225972228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715866377020789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772104496785576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266312104533464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904757824549234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992535691060685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979322968587415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160280961727967,0.16740873762949074,0.0,0.14781699784198002,0.0,0.18686473531271086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194550302690607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719327834029364,0.16865348830143848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238512184045259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584484792987062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159969330487769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107004204648671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282959268624342,0.0,0.0,0.1331019184428721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571769334846152,0.0,0.0,0.11822525673935927,0.0,0.0,0.1396452241602806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193567715841414,0.0,0.0,0.1326037940855354,0.19479400013405496,0.1919773281748614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402088378126405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826219539173812,0.0,0.0
bpd,LightishRedIt,2018/12/16,"Memory Problems with Lamictal? So I've been taking lamictal for a few months now (on 200mg for the past 5 months), and for this entire time my memory has slowly gotten worse. At first I thought it was just because it was a new drug (sometimes when I switch my head gets 'clouded'), but it doesn't seem to get better. Is anyone else experiencing this? Any way I can fix that? It's really messing with my life. ",3.81111111111111,5.091405111111111,5.116975308641977,82.42138888888894,71.96296296296295,8.362962962962964,24.61111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.67294074074074,318,9,64,6,6,106,64,81,0.057999999999999996,0.8909999999999999,0.05,0.3591,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,3,1,0,0,8,13,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,1,6,1,8,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,8,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481398203439478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918246653449306,0.2332606188481805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877707007092466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134335577463686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640088466535977,0.0,0.1901774929843223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936441966018387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378818742440474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336408786986326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080026445330614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363425918368909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198717188724912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173235457016281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178361805897392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584235291532968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072495999205548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515774386361545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116908531476108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807335459240251,0.132748126144277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807028476125129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320010561269808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Skumps,2018/12/16,"I still hate my ex I still hate my ex bf. A little less than before but I still want bad things to happen to him, ya know? I don’t know if it’s a bpd thing that makes me hate him so much or if it’s because he was actually a loser. We broke up a year ago, and I’m in an amazing relationship with someone (super out of my league lol) who I love so much but I still hate my ex. I don’t want him back, I don’t miss us, I just hate him. I guess I’m just looking for support or advice on how to move past this. I don’t want to be crazy and irrational about this shitty person from my past but I am and it makes me hate myself. ",-0.7436263736263733,0.7512771398601394,2.008956043956047,98.8521153846154,85.2937062937063,4.9248751248751255,15.808691308691307,5.773587663045528,-0.916891708291708,473,8,126,3,14,165,81,143,0.3,0.589,0.111,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,1,0,2,11,14,6,0,5,1,7,1,0,3,0,24,28,13,0,5,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,1,1,27,4,14,26,3,15,0,3,1,1,16,5,0,5,9,85,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.11114856017373563,0.0,0.0,0.11130035029224347,0.10096419726864674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758095869631899,0.09510053635645893,0.06943150230828833,0.0,0.096919281766439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345124353449906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547209999883788,0.0,0.10072011653622813,0.0,0.0,0.6747074588170936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519133487520406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415627490694248,0.0,0.0,0.0956461005959242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279789329989536,0.0,0.15205634056167125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105613928404425,0.16745708736182402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745811836662107,0.0,0.09945182545304987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222844233394231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650587652105122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638381344330345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292507311037261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133827858750476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700593839340214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015409572578813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334693547729307
bpd,OffsideAdjective,2018/12/16,Depression in BPD? When people with BPD have depression as a symptom do long term depressive episodes occur or are they very short? Or are they typically depressed (or show serious symptoms interfering with daily life) most of the time?,6.177999999999997,9.463752799999998,6.0100000000000025,69.785,71.0,10.0,35.0,10.125756701596842,4.6530000000000005,192,10,28,6,4,60,33,40,0.308,0.6920000000000001,0.0,-0.9342,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,6,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,2,6,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,4,4,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006007892908425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6846823509323667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037275504675725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587465625354054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777816676593374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131245405336653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158842633593909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397759386121205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mac_osx,2018/12/16,"DAE not know what to do with their BPD? I've been diagnosed with BPD for the past two years and only this year I've tried to do something about it. I went to a psychiatrist, had a cocktail of mood stabilizers, antidepressants, anti-anxiety, etc and nothing has worked so far. I went to therapy (not DBT) and that seemed to do nothing at all but frustrate me because it was just ""drink water and think happy thoughts!"" I've been trying to deal with it but I'm not sure where this road goes. I'm trying my best to not kill myself, drop out of college, etc but it's extremely difficult with how intense every emotion is. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm not sure if I can afford DBT therapy and I'm not sure if it's even effective. I have no idea how to handle all of these emotions, especially with having a FP. Every option feels hopeless and I'm not sure what to even do with my BPD and mental state at this point other than just to ignore it as hard as I can. ",3.0729313232830826,4.276976427135678,4.586010050251256,85.81254941373534,73.67336683417085,7.517721943048577,24.824455611390285,8.021203637495839,1.282684154103853,755,23,160,11,15,253,111,199,0.149,0.728,0.12300000000000001,-0.4167,1,0,2,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,4,9,14,2,0,4,0,14,3,0,3,6,47,28,17,1,2,14,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,14,3,1,8,2,0,2,8,6,0,1,7,3,12,7,27,21,5,14,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,4,4,105,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422153253363347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671122198832994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155367563090471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415978240937649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350197719694885,0.0,0.11174299153767768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078501092933105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24768163963189585,0.0,0.0,0.24556760210648634,0.14543196590502422,0.0,0.18551771894552208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133356807738624,0.07865110450696146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719700425803099,0.09862251019205846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428261297616924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180258912239365,0.0,0.06050472850438018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378631872108602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316691371779145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094875733090988,0.0,0.1111634552504826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112761335357351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373137234284869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509708540101012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040743214553134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022535216722518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475566329756586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150487932113956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518039399748963,0.0,0.0,0.07054372603632436,0.0,0.08740225938004449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242395950352934,0.0,0.1075457435080906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411629747331564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014967076783337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417937246888766
bpd,torn_aunt00,2018/12/16,"Reddit, I could really really use your advice. To give some context:
Sister is 25. Two children, 6 year old girl and 3 year old boy with aggressive autism. Different dads. Little boy's dad is sister's self proclaimed love of her life currently serving a 9 year prison sentence. They seem to talk on the phone lately only to fight. Kids get brushed aside daily because mom is too tired or busy on the phone or social media or just ignored them. Or raging at them constantly saying things like she hates her life and is going to kill herself. Yes in front of her kids. Pushes the little boy down sometimes. He is non verbal so it's not like he can tell people. He vomits when he gets upset so this just adds to the raging. She will pick him up and hold him and say things like ""oh are you going to puke now, poor baby"" it is very sickening and evil. 

Lives with my mom most of the time although she just inherited my dads place but still depends on my mom every day for child care. Hates my mom gets delusions that my mom is out to get her and is talking to her ""boyfriend's"" ex that is her ""worst enemy"" because she is the ex of her just so amazing boyfriend in prison. 

Sister is a Licensed Nurse Practitioner. Dont know how but is going to RN school soon. She depends on smoking weed and mood seems to improve after smoking but of course she is dependent on it.

Few weeks ago had an incident where she was trying to speed off in her car and ended up knocking my mom to the ground causing her to need staples in her head. Mom lied and said she fell. Sister promised to get help after this. Went to a counselor once, maybe, at least she said she did. Has not been back since.

I am sick of this constant anxiety and worry for the kids and my moms safety. At this point, I cant worry about my sister anymore, as much as i love her as well. I just dont want her to hurt innocent people. I have contemplated getting DCFS involved but I dont think they will do anything for verbal abuse or without physical signs of abuse. I dont know what to do because she refuses to get help. At this point I feel like foster care would be a much safer place for the kids. At least there will be no verbal abuse there. 

Please tell me what I can do. I feel so torn and lost. Her BPD is also effecting my marriage because at this point I cannot imagine having a child of my own with the constant worry for my immediate family. It was in our plan to try to have a baby around this age but I cant see how it will be possible now. Maybe I should just harden my heart, pack up and move far away. At least then I will know there is truly nothing I could have done to prevent any harm to anyone since I would be hundreds of miles away... ",3.1460711254455984,4.602975886861317,3.957969784416907,89.38468765914111,73.8905109489051,6.630521133933119,23.51060940417586,7.121374137718711,0.7443315566117801,2118,59,444,21,43,677,266,548,0.16899999999999998,0.72,0.111,-0.9886,2,0,0,0,4,0,53.0,1,2,4,3,28,27,8,2,17,1,54,9,2,9,0,70,87,36,1,7,19,18,2,4,0,8,5,4,0,12,18,19,0,4,10,0,2,9,11,15,1,1,10,8,64,11,72,63,10,72,0,2,1,2,88,37,0,12,30,289,82,2,0.0,0.20686813640311133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687118076629505,0.05158971286893818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654154867320567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03957717065690433,0.0,0.0445219125053215,0.0,0.05771755789596743,0.04069394482872312,0.0,0.047892642571255854,0.0518092589954335,0.0,0.0,0.10935935172638636,0.044751274552375715,0.0,0.14190976068923586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329933446551656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867508351135453,0.05978618550350818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867663867695564,0.0,0.09293399095494446,0.0,0.0,0.03753340273653455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060805345089640285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955756495036199,0.2728341781402922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154685067438233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903498786240279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054864636512926654,0.0,0.05885411043627325,0.04157722482558067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212845247780478,0.055829579304585514,0.09922713496805677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491850580883756,0.0597287454735872,0.0,0.0,0.068965842419959,0.07801883985400569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062303004825969364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643883345825277,0.0,0.09595359337190268,0.0,0.06565076632426346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221504833497482,0.1137319497304197,0.11666094722600415,0.05139059488064328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353085058539,0.0,0.10505335440368484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693700731685493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452937244385733,0.0,0.06185609984169529,0.08556560928106302,0.0431536628815169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055843305439640466,0.0,0.12213967304057788,0.061979808400428764,0.0,0.04426279980015911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069542153242178,0.0,0.12161069017928056,0.06388479099582269,0.16504999473978105,0.06561038744182912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456726601156878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072074702207307,0.09256402217617396,0.0,0.058900279194780074,0.04637689795352844,0.10596397918126853,0.06071402718035635,0.0,0.0,0.09628527548586996,0.0,0.0,0.05932633386384612,0.0,0.0,0.05756008815556528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647762621294886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355596038867407,0.10173660952954952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732937565614931,0.037291432534006234,0.0,0.0,0.033936180529411664,0.0668909438895723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902631176022326,0.0,0.056851757961953915,0.0,0.0,0.050265065624858135,0.0,0.04802009407260634,0.034327152256422834,0.0,0.04668355616982711,0.0,0.052327698609458136,0.053950858311608285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610155352115268,0.0,0.0,0.17731107869857832,0.0,0.08268549649093955,0.0,0.0,0.11243433147955548
bpd,panda0614,2018/12/16,"Trying to have some type of a relationship with my dad, who has BPD, after my mom died I'm the 23 year old daughter of a man with BPD as well as several other mental illnesses. Unfortunately, my mom just passed away a few months ago from cancer, which I'm sure anyone could imagine has been a nightmare. My mom used to ""protect"" me from my dad. 

For years, my dad and I's relationship was always: him and I will get along one minute, and then the next, I'll say something (a little thing) that sets him off and he hates me and I'm the worst person that has ever existed. Meanwhile, someone else, like my brother, could say something just as bad (if not worse) as what I said, and he doesn't get upset with him at all, and he'll just laugh it off. I'd question him about it, and he'd get even angrier with me. I've learned that this is splitting, and (lucky me) I'm the ""bad guy"". 

He started dating someone new very soon after my mom died. We had been trying to get along with each other after my mom passed, but when he told me this a few weeks after she passed, I was very upset with him. I felt like he was disrespecting my mom and had replaced her. 

I've started to cool down, and I invited him and his new girlfriend, along with several other family members, to Christmas dinner. At first, he agreed, but then I asked him about something unrelated (but I guess got him upset?) and now he's not sure if he wants to go.

Also, in my mom's will, my dad is the one in charge of the money, only because my mom never got a chance to update it when my two brothers and I became adults, since we were still kids when she made it. She always said she wanted the money split between her three kids evenly. Now, my dad is thinking about not giving me (and my one brother who he also doesn't like) any of my mom's money because I'm a bitch and I don't deserve it. My other brother is trying to convince him that it's not his place to do that, especially since my mom and I were VERY close, pretty much best friends.

I've been feeling like I'm going crazy. I've literally been walking on eggshells with him for the last 10 years. I can't do this anymore. On one hand, I don't want that kind of instability in a relationship, but on the other hand, he's my dad. 

I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this isn't the type of post to make here, but I just feel so confused and hurt. I already lost one parent, and I barely have the second parent. I know it's awful, but I wish my mom was the surviving parent instead. 

Thanks for reading <3 ",4.938867684478375,4.521045736641224,5.859404580152674,84.1635852417303,68.73282442748092,8.284376590330789,27.77201017811705,7.42949916751922,1.3513617811704832,1962,54,426,17,30,650,216,524,0.099,0.782,0.12,0.9382,3,0,3,0,0,0,76.0,2,0,0,4,24,26,2,4,21,2,36,5,2,3,5,79,76,40,2,9,18,25,5,4,2,3,2,4,0,6,28,34,1,1,9,1,3,6,12,11,1,9,20,10,67,15,57,50,8,54,0,2,0,0,78,15,1,8,35,281,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875868309571561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069947169107126,0.08797508248614391,0.0915372630197488,0.0,0.0,0.03740533944795283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054550257367346665,0.03846082967856386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142232306997119,0.0,0.051679081718540285,0.0,0.0918538856323304,0.06706117038501075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772443613134407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855394114755215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783415843588706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417317418530533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594968482148346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266067090272822,0.049755242421777035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518538924938676,0.0,0.0556244406114982,0.03929563892747311,0.05281350111537477,0.0,0.0,0.0467872915019307,0.0,0.0,0.04249678704795522,0.0,0.11495153264176043,0.0527658832216221,0.06252130717990896,0.0,0.08798517185077903,0.0,0.060594295073914325,0.05446367540228562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054306127083912865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058884073961367724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727932463910381,0.06045870505232315,0.04483648024384173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749081137263418,0.055129538808342426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060044540630878024,0.0,0.0,0.05204713505384392,0.03671631688613984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543218159309359,0.0,0.0,0.7086341120147599,0.04390452871935322,0.0,0.04043506151532729,0.0,0.042423307339848094,0.10624849475938412,0.05849852479019274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057718576824891996,0.0,0.18636432299072,0.04183384067028792,0.0,0.0,0.18322989011729596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048028312726074884,0.057468599588513636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267966020261331,0.05595993931287432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161827619863128,0.0,0.05501996345455208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771646070522711,0.0,0.0,0.10464485099742858,0.08748449201139645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428016381002613,0.0,0.09100153835176474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321124868934974,0.12703678973910068,0.0,0.061573681823850826,0.0778657550594969,0.0,0.043927126582686514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368327067724063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064128593255615,0.0,0.0,0.036542929897540766,0.035245033166401735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255970950571786,0.0,0.11203451261094187,0.0,0.053731968947829715,0.0,0.0,0.04750672700610148,0.0,0.13615485058392732,0.0973302609398928,0.0,0.044121755956431016,0.0,0.049456171235310084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325312546067446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605487400217688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626440103703412
bpd,k98190211,2018/12/16,"Bullet journaling to cope? So I’m kind of in denial about my diagnosis, but it makes sense when I look at somethings from an outside perspective. I just had a really bad semester and I want to do everything to get back on track for this upcoming  semester. I’ve always used a planner for stress relief and I was looking for a new planner when I thought about bullet journaling instead. 

Has anyone else tried it? How has it worked for you? Where would you send a beginner to learn some tips and tricks? Was it frustrating at first? ",4.561905940594059,6.422947306930696,5.222858910891091,80.1037933168317,70.98019801980197,9.406435643564356,29.45668316831682,9.827888789773867,3.0010485148514867,422,17,78,11,8,136,71,101,0.147,0.8,0.053,-0.8968,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,4,10,6,2,1,5,0,7,0,0,3,0,13,15,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,4,2,8,2,16,10,1,12,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,6,55,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027658043371956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039052311553995,0.2496845270278789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873790588049438,0.2034671606656845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356791309914107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190087573293007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727870773459894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731558278551153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537608827092305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092687856996594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266192106074467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23535291299735375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561111304947613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876009543516473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791408440953431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345901659243428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544641539902902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046597626021465,0.0,0.0,0.1437319840742066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740589999544845,0.0,0.0,0.17310714235813013,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BurningBroadripple,2018/12/16,"I just literally cannot chill out — the thought to do so isn’t there I’m pretty even keeled now, after about 1.5 years of DBT therapy and regulated meds for controlling the comorbid stuff. But I still just do not have an ability to calm tf down when I get angry or stressed or depressed or shitty in some other way. Like literally, the thought to take a breath and step away from a situation is not possible. I just can’t think of that on my own. And if someone I love that I were interacting with at that time were to suggest that I remove myself from the situation for a minute to breathe, I just get pissed and feel like they’re minimizing the validity of my emotions. But like the whole thing with BPD is that you feel so MANY emotions, they really shouldn’t all be validated to the degree that I want. Like I don’t need someone playing into my every whim and saying “yeah okay that’s fine, this manic streak is fine, or this clingy depressive bullshit is cool and okay”. NO. I can’t accept that I need to remove myself from emotional situations. But my therapist keeps telling me “just take a break.” Dude I literally do not have the skills to THINK of taking a break organically on my own, let alone respond well to that thought and agree to it. This is mostly just a vent, I’m sorry. I’m just sick of people telling me to do a thing that I feel incapable of doing. ",5.3407352941176525,5.782926602941178,6.180882352941179,79.2464705882353,67.89705882352942,9.635294117647057,29.60294117647059,9.627879704456738,2.4727,1084,37,221,22,17,358,143,272,0.129,0.715,0.157,0.2744,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,2,16,18,1,1,16,4,22,5,3,1,1,47,43,18,0,5,18,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,18,11,0,2,9,1,0,3,10,4,1,0,5,5,25,14,34,35,6,20,0,2,0,1,9,8,1,7,10,155,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480355495795612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414394513074096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960729916899686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432378660428735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909438735359493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740622131620895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321307453632414,0.0,0.09339296557290172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814197829178226,0.07918876899997207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582545306569562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985254713116001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133480667101126,0.0,0.2166160231448988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004330314787208,0.0,0.0,0.1123809632452763,0.0,0.0,0.12312548422067425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438256549170174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684701326138926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496278520092675,0.0,0.11277075086318288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101111278976664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814959392512753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373788365088933,0.0,0.0,0.1878397766806465,0.0,0.0,0.12408359297646493,0.0,0.0,0.08852216619277098,0.0,0.12697430286657402,0.0,0.12689273432755993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500283418452049,0.0,0.19376947125915686,0.0,0.12676264472668652,0.12870134177920073,0.14728299186479793,0.14205193583755366,0.0,0.2639992421534035,0.06463549147300257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653801436210401,0.0879848002774192,0.0,0.0,0.0996643247563522,0.0,0.0,0.12375617002637306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138151829157878
bpd,headwrecked087,2018/12/16,"Feel like a bad person. So I was diagnosed a few years ago. Went to therapy last time about 2 years ago and felt it was doing more damage than good so stopped.

Lately though, I feel like an extremely bad person. I feel this has a lot to do with my childhood as well as BPD. I will try give examples. 

I know I have a lot in life I should he grateful and thankful for and I should be happy but I am not. I feel extremely guilty about this and I feel so sorry for those who are less fortunate in life than me.

This is an everyday thing now. I compare myself to everyone and I think they are much better people than me and that I am not a nice person. 

Another example would be for some reason I feel my opinion or thoughts are not valid or less valid than other peoples.

It's weird it just seems to be happening all the time now. ",1.3101135190918498,3.3673856666666717,2.9621809425524614,91.74108359133128,81.2222222222222,6.596628826969385,21.169934640522875,7.724431198458867,0.7963674578603372,643,19,141,11,17,212,100,171,0.091,0.767,0.142,0.83,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,10,12,0,0,8,0,19,3,0,1,1,35,34,15,0,3,7,0,7,2,0,4,3,0,0,3,11,7,0,1,12,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,5,7,21,8,18,22,9,16,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,7,15,106,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23170018830672914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370413914043975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824382085891286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155859761752255,0.0,0.0,0.16460131927429028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264908124976565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488129105041285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964891752359411,0.1867320108144756,0.1254842971204572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253711575292217,0.0,0.10961779635049926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557002679684927,0.13912348976992295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182460874663764,0.10653098336470362,0.14742565982540615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462248694089867,0.1276984921198112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221841208458912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607326092979264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812100060728428,0.3423442265916279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437258790029366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897659709990732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462983900254113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926391285199552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032313776435027,0.14945707481564402,0.0,0.08682559906220874,0.08374181072016855,0.12840369626433046,0.10375442116213067,0.15241448307827488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887309227837096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750731829299635,0.12115229311186693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283946373115567,0.0,0.0,0.16832203119083053
bpd,skincareandskates,2018/12/16,"DBT is fucking hard. I have all these beautiful coping mechanisms but when any tiny little thing happens I spiral into full blown panic/misery/hopelessness and all those mechanisms go flying out the window. Then after it passes I’m left beating myself up and feeling WORSE for not remembering to be mindful, or accepting, or neutral or whATEVER. I beat myself up for wasting money and time on therapy bc I can’t even remember to use what I’ve learned. 
I’m gonna keep trying bc I want to live a happy, stable, passionate life, and I’ll get there someday. But this shit is so hard. I just wish I wasn’t like this. ",3.834957983193277,5.825200100840341,5.313184873949577,78.16490336134457,73.2016806722689,8.121344537815126,27.866386554621855,8.841846274778883,2.475856470588236,488,19,85,10,10,164,90,119,0.16,0.632,0.20800000000000002,0.6844,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,2,0,2,0,6,4,1,1,2,25,18,12,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,5,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,3,9,4,11,15,3,14,0,0,0,2,0,8,2,3,5,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313354499298358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756095848952145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765264856066386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854615373587024,0.10090278207899056,0.0,0.10976058672185388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078477672269413,0.2055911450034039,0.3460142163506837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166337618978195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983699266768074,0.0,0.1364138742721547,0.09435386954976996,0.19356762672592887,0.17053788304682035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500687916189005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659717991288736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375587064439697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982458145194101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208617048855147,0.0,0.12830740773054616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112616022437998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112301914277644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668028537669558,0.0,0.0,0.11391344837382343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209069118073974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681660978053425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,qsandopinions,2018/12/16,"fear of abuse more intense than fear of abandonment? Hey guys. I'm going to open this by saying that I don't have a BPD diagnosis, nor am I asking for one!

​

I \[23f\] really suspect that I have BPD, and I without a doubt have PTSD from my abusive childhood. I relate to many BPD perspectives/patterns I see in others, BUT when it comes down to when/if I split/act out on someone or abandon them, it is 90% of the time because of my intense and almost animalistic fear of being abused/controlled (again) rather than a fear of losing someone (which I admittedly *do* have but act on much, much less than the former.)

Really, my fear of abandonment pales in comparison to my fear of abuse. I've never threatened suicide, and I've never self-harmed or otherwise threatened anyone to prevent being abandoned (my older sister has classic \[core?\] BPD which gives me a good comparison of her patterns vs. mine)--I'm way too stubborn and self-dependent to not bully myself out of thinking this way to begin with. My ""frantic efforts to avoid abandonment"" are not making threats/emotional manipulation but rather remaining hypervigilant, this strange pattern of pursuing intense emotional connection but flipping shit if it gets imbalanced in terms of power and/or active participation, and often just making sure that I leave them before they leave me, and that it's on MY terms.

​

Again, I'm not looking for anyone to validate these behaviors or dx me--I'm just curious if any of you guys with actual dxed BPD experience this rather than the more common BPD symptoms? 

​

It's possible I've completely misjudged myself tbh, and I'm well aware of it, but I'm still curious to see if any of you guys relate and why/why not. ",7.2814037854889575,8.281738425867513,7.37951261829653,70.38573580441641,63.794952681388,10.125488958990537,35.723817034700325,10.125756701596842,3.85269097791798,1399,63,226,30,20,451,165,317,0.207,0.6609999999999999,0.132,-0.9842,1,1,0,0,3,1,69.0,0,2,3,3,12,20,2,9,7,0,12,3,1,3,3,56,29,21,1,6,22,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,18,14,0,8,3,0,0,3,9,17,1,1,0,4,27,3,45,27,7,29,0,6,3,0,15,10,1,9,14,153,45,0,0.0,0.2396638849231617,0.06579737202578373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751670397004257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916587126769188,0.2457873790301459,0.09170303980906354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429068275160336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303355896718342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041101840460611064,0.0,0.057373968937521475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095188722362471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808093050992316,0.07069415007724689,0.0,0.07562321349458458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168878715195108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595488675596856,0.0,0.45523328474861297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03522693928706329,0.06468049696976662,0.03831935497612271,0.056553147345938665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028495933768584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278732632070554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662027518744823,0.07543167021531147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001383007730324,0.06835867703478969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991307153082106,0.0,0.10400510459827264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568913203952358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601190119961893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881657405107283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638875455235462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361930924834757,0.0,0.0,0.1074584779220787,0.0,0.14067859725888446,0.0,0.06921110724699985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142584852238224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538459361305213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375234073119001,0.0,0.06354755256050268,0.07008070918280028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320341329915658,0.0,0.0,0.03931623790182813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070381383545826,0.0,0.0,0.060623447167296285,0.0,0.06084085094773566,0.0,0.0,0.06499558849848039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457873790301459,0.0
bpd,brandonlace,2019/09/27,"Get the best of it If you’re 20 years or older in the United States and you want to make $2,500 and much more. Pm Me or send me a text to Jack +1 443 457 0879
I’m an investor, businessman, hacker, looking for like minded individuals I can make plans with and make a whole lot of money with. I believe in trusted and honest partnerships.",1.3334285714285734,3.415906057142859,3.1442857142857146,90.33071428571432,81.28571428571428,5.7142857142857135,20.0,6.868970318607317,0.2605714285714287,264,7,57,3,7,88,54,70,0.0,0.768,0.23199999999999998,0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,15,8,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,9,8,5,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,4,3,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267475880173925,0.3043528463183047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152086574118204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168667806423604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24353955491264395,0.0,0.0,0.2465603789857928,0.0,0.0,0.5807617864916838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928324724779606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319439197714785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105835896232452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237913865542684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676014922774145
bpd,vmmf13,2019/09/27,"Recommendations for BPD Hey y'all,
I'm new to this sub. My family history has a link to BPD. I dont want to self diagnose myself and I would like to know what route I have to go in order to be diagnosed. 
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!",0.551764705882352,2.8542491764705886,4.15245098039216,80.43102941176474,86.64705882352942,8.105882352941178,20.264705882352946,8.841846274778883,1.7197294117647062,192,6,41,6,6,71,40,51,0.025,0.843,0.131,0.7321,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,6,11,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,8,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523734612998466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978562190455005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548242189056874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471223147994153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581452663950801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076432843544405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517989432041635,0.0,0.0,0.2428394847333901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105016114619978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076088218159177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273028261246896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978116344840194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299161552884652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129354198092799,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rrockwe1,2019/09/27,"How do you find an outlet for yourself and establish space without hurting partner? (Venting, Person W/O BPD, Seeking Support) Hey, so...you know that picture going around that's the normal person asking ""Don't you know what your mental illness is doing to ME?"" and the mentally ill person saying ""Of course I do, I worry about it every day, thanks for confirming it..."" 

I can no longer function as a proper support system for my partner with BPD. I've read through ""Walking on Eggshells"" and ""I hate you don't leave me"", but...for some reason my calm normal voice comes across as self-serving and talking down to them? They're prone to extreme language that makes me highly uncomfortable, and having sewing and gaming as two of their coping mechanisms. Which means that quite a few days...most days, I'll wake up to screaming at a random piece of technology that I then internalize. 

There's...a lot of other stuff that I can go into detail on if it's required but. I guess...just. How do I break without breaking someone else worse? How do I explain how I feel and have it be listened to, or...if not, how do I deal with the negative reaction there? I'm just...very tired and it's gotten a lot worse over the last few months.",2.647307692307692,5.136303410256414,3.542414529914532,87.0310576923077,79.0,5.438461538461539,25.134615384615394,6.6274283507984215,1.0353282051282051,954,36,176,9,24,304,149,234,0.14,0.8240000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,4,2,2,8,7,1,0,9,0,14,4,1,7,0,38,31,19,0,3,5,0,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,5,15,13,0,1,7,2,0,4,7,3,0,1,1,5,22,4,30,29,6,23,0,1,0,0,19,11,0,5,5,117,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789014638065447,0.11330191164776132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052842707434273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439963354252482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632280383572728,0.1249477674303452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012437171071026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021128678700954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128034557136205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107709599885567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775697400060224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351107178649033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965597128743333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280502415769746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974283826798078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321231809880224,0.09879092619506576,0.0,0.12832907816319944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607303203311075,0.0,0.0,0.08089927960282939,0.0,0.0,0.13201798769662418,0.0,0.0,0.2442741504601912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967375010873764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374927202598721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174710507152416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890687785536611,0.12122881009689493,0.0,0.0,0.1246096862586192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637993377834064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643387315045446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268898829412734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874043868915192,0.0,0.27506359802706354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741276421272914,0.0,0.11158100532821202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392969879847577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183908939723183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999994031793225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336572627727713,0.0,0.0,0.12308043392647572,0.24701818208325435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Shroudz27,2019/09/27,"Going to die a virgin because I'm scared of intimacy and attachment I deliberately limit myself from attachment, when attached I let my act slip and the person sees the real me. I used to get addicted to any one who gave some semblance of a shit about me, but I deliberately distance myself. 20 yo male but never even been in a relationship because of this. Nobody will ever love me, I'm too fucked up for love. I'll die alone, forgotten.

Sorry, I just wanted to vent.",4.220549450549452,5.830337868131871,6.337142857142857,72.78285714285715,71.41758241758242,8.716483516483517,27.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.4809076923076923,370,13,66,8,7,130,65,91,0.228,0.634,0.138,-0.8248,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,1,5,0,3,6,1,1,2,12,14,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,1,11,2,12,10,1,7,0,0,1,4,7,2,2,1,3,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187743530897952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784731329593514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647148462897782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446692803345256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165550377520839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254938704714245,0.18152947952317625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552842121563806,0.1048487097799618,0.0,0.11405290979458707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052122091655894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622489178170686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477928608551478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598815685555746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522886407894886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284214617828993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154586956921392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091893228357094,0.0,0.15991855939051314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205998461522754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246484565195711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332588502257398,0.0,0.0,0.11836817422171475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,becsbj,2019/09/27,"What’s that one object/item that you immediately regretted breaking during a fit of anger? For me it was my vintage mug with a little mushroom as a handle. It was so beautiful and I immediately regretted throwing it as soon as it left my fingertips. I sat on the floor clutching the broken pieces and when my boyfriend saw me I said i dropped it. RIP mushroom mug, I miss you.",3.0759295499021526,5.44528489041096,4.641526418786693,80.35958904109589,76.8082191780822,7.4590998043052865,29.606653620352247,8.418075326091056,2.437972211350293,299,14,56,6,7,100,49,73,0.17600000000000002,0.726,0.09699999999999999,-0.626,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,5,2,12,0,7,1,1,10,0,3,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,41,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5767344671290138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320183092311391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596954887042338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049287360351704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,windoverwalls,2019/09/27,"Looking for anecdotes/info on different therapeutic approaches (DBT, GPM, transference, etc). What has worked for you (or your loved one) and why? What hasn't worked, and why? I am in a relationship (18mo) with someone who has recently (in the last \~8 mo) developed worsening symptoms of BPD. He presents most symptoms, though he notably does not dissociate, and his ""explosive"" anger is entirely self-directed (he is more passive aggressive with other people during perceived conflict). Also, while I'm his FP, he is considerably more fixated on the potential for abandonment by friends, rather than by me. I'm not sure if this is helpful info lol.

Anyway, he and I are currently trying to figure out the best treatment option. He's been in therapy for over a year, but it was CBT with someone who, while a PsyD, is really more like a ""life guru"" than a therapist. So! I am looking for any and all insight, anecdotes, information, studies, etc that you all have and are willing to share on success (or failure) with therapeutic techniques that are centered on BPD.

Thank you!!",6.8743765182186225,8.386559984210527,7.18894736842105,69.553016194332,64.94736842105263,10.688259109311742,38.29959514170041,10.727762888450028,4.676692307692308,847,45,134,23,13,275,123,190,0.048,0.8079999999999999,0.145,0.9658,2,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,4,0,4,5,11,2,0,8,1,17,4,0,0,3,31,23,15,0,2,7,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,9,11,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,2,10,8,25,20,9,18,0,1,2,1,20,10,0,5,8,98,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943387155369002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015620419055043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156731944900557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761981948213709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603730391968693,0.0,0.0,0.13069580225882754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33312591691395704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538621305707562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010509279911142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173888949080475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054892005374203,0.07296409048950371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25083010435693104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479277327268374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120234950740613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353938453946067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956764173606315,0.0,0.14746353986089153,0.1603443029896072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580296596233728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530848505899665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075911135726873,0.31046037023900513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374999526788783,0.17079292558777784,0.1734050179919812,0.0,0.0,0.14673405704160022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139776863039948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695274253235716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174548461267157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617548109857026
bpd,WhoAmIAgainn,2019/09/27,"Of course I'm sensitive ! I'm so fucking tired of being told I'm too sensitive. I know. But I'm pretty sure I have a reason to be sensitive when you laugh at me when I'm upset and walking away to be alone. We just had a talk earlier about how it's hard for me to control my emotions but I'm always being gas lighted and told I'm ""crazy"" and ""too sensitive"" I'm over it. We've been together long enough for you to at least try to care. I feel broken",0.6739393939393956,2.2374028585858645,3.360606060606063,90.56090909090912,81.02020202020202,6.824242424242425,22.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9025838383838392,349,11,81,6,9,123,59,99,0.11599999999999999,0.777,0.107,0.1917,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,2,0,1,8,5,1,1,2,0,7,2,0,3,1,13,21,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,3,9,3,14,13,2,8,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,3,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552681995353644,0.0,0.0,0.18922224739912166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365795007865404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318583154359645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550581827732905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558041678619732,0.0,0.2349739669307092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149846665237943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102356694777351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037135186090692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497786876556552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124953450393646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313563926161094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381400816998515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143299990410044,0.0,0.0,0.18278249092309587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137283596980115,0.0,0.4345974973348818,0.0,0.1543955730023955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,coolbaby95,2019/09/27,"Books to recommend to the FP of someone with BPD? I am the fp of best friend with BPD, i’m well-read on bpd symptoms and all that jazz but being the fp has been taking its toll on me. I am incredibly understanding and non-judgmental and I’ve done what i can but don’t know how to act in the way where I’m not hurting this person or making them feel abandoned (because i do love them!) but also not enabling their behavior. 

I have my own mental illnesses and issues in my life that i’m trying hard to work on and i just need help dealing with this aspect in a helpful way so i can also focus on my needs and growth and not hurt them or feel guilty. I need something to read to learn the skills on how to help, does anyone have any book recommendations for the fp? The only one i saw is “Loving Someone with BPD” does anyone know if that’s good or if there are other books like it? 

Thank you all!",2.0447660427807506,3.677801454545456,3.5445955882352966,90.46630514705885,77.23529411764707,6.172326203208556,20.778409090909093,6.9077264865688965,0.28963128342245925,700,17,154,7,16,231,108,187,0.063,0.7040000000000001,0.23199999999999998,0.9893,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,4,4,8,10,0,0,8,0,14,5,0,3,2,38,31,20,0,5,12,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,9,11,0,1,6,5,0,2,4,3,0,1,3,4,18,7,22,27,4,13,0,3,1,2,13,9,0,5,1,102,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037923421360352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669383528210164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771590792726672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874925386640825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835498519053787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681666466276615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627057275442775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738796389751206,0.11541244612212535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404927074256953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713305731149579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459398022714544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102815853694463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267808923685629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414652846776605,0.0,0.0,0.11771235562041901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239611786735385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965940048335156,0.05509830082696554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035755594636702,0.0,0.07528110160179738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136550735047784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508734094368893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764222161908113,0.08577378879421825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847459104645148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561976855107035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111517924779176,0.08682306475322196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722094224377795,0.08479604659740454,0.0,0.0,0.10383208651774004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656978551640413,0.0,0.0,0.11740729590339972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903802030906732,0.0,0.0,0.1014021930126308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210472060838525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,damiensol,2019/09/27,"I'm tired. I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of failing, I'm tired of falling and not being able to pick myself up again, I'm tired of not caring about things I used to enjoy, I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being sick.

I'm tired of failing, I'm tired of losing, I'm tired of not loving myself, I'm tired of not being loved, I'm tired of life, I'm tired of yearning for death, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired.",11.270000000000005,2.9284852156862766,11.320980392156866,74.45441176470591,64.49019607843137,13.6,38.90196078431373,3.1291,2.6885254901960782,340,5,86,0,3,118,29,102,0.597,0.37,0.033,-0.9974,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,2,9,0,1,0,0,5,23,0,2,0,8,26,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,21,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,18,21,0,3,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,33,4,2,0.05056564270102628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051555042757122985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03571600884344877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657001999196697,0.0,0.0,0.09127493350435223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052862188729203896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033593566150328116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9880020522309806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436724800321074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MaudeFealy,2019/09/27,"I gave him the ammo to shoot our relationship. I wish it were real. No one understands. Hell, I barely understand. All I know is that the relationship has died (and I  kinda wish it was me).

Backstory: Me and now exSO had been on and off for eight years. The relationship always ended and picked up the same way. For almost a decade. He knew everything about me, was the only one in my entire life that supported me, actually loved me. For the longest time I had suspected he had some sort of depression issues. Turns out he did and about a year ago he was officially diagnosed with bipolar and put on two different meds.  

He was getting better, so why was our relationship still so toxic? It couldn't be me, he was supposed to be the problem. Right? I had been going to counseling but was never really honest so I spilled everything to my psychologist. Everything. The near stalking behavior, the panic attacks, the feeling he was going to leave. Me acting so erratically he was actually going to. Me trying desperately to keep him. A few appointments later, bam, BPD. We schedule DBT and make an appointment for meds.

I tell him. He says he can't deal with it. That he's tired of the verbal abuse. And he's not waiting around for me to see if I get better. I waited eight years and endured his undiagnosed and uncontrolled depression. It's just so unfair and makes me feel like he validated how worthless I feel. 

It's like he was looking for an out and took my dx and ran with it.",2.5070956343326074,5.14245000706714,4.440287244956113,79.48776017325889,80.73144876325088,7.8918955887381745,24.323378547817164,8.748949900417786,2.2005968083893768,1164,43,214,30,31,395,155,283,0.19899999999999998,0.726,0.075,-0.9921,1,0,0,1,1,0,40.0,3,0,0,2,12,15,2,2,16,0,24,6,0,4,2,51,51,21,1,5,4,0,3,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,10,20,0,3,8,0,0,7,5,8,0,5,22,6,32,7,30,26,4,29,1,3,2,1,30,10,1,5,13,148,42,0,0.0,0.11699789523126546,0.19272375663692512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753239517016766,0.0,0.0988798824651448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216460505825553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879048996334371,0.0,0.11233786144571048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466567319842932,0.0,0.0,0.12436716456332432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180281817984413,0.17009961716727787,0.10022513907967287,0.10248278630702684,0.1031685814644146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745967077720089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662396863576124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497868751038832,0.14108836320749762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318144730101557,0.0,0.168358928682021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306519743440692,0.0,0.08777000613310343,0.0,0.0,0.05426823414947373,0.0,0.0,0.1045577850658128,0.0,0.0,0.06974723931953111,0.09648464212785644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292179307454282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912214490295801,0.0,0.1318274799408228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193691511713186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615902372111752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382572727504913,0.07510080339637464,0.0,0.11585718696753618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448661214395628,0.0,0.09926703123037142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123945972765682,0.06325923359823099,0.0,0.0,0.42406511442552375,0.0,0.08432856773949772,0.0,0.07852680425115716,0.0,0.0,0.07868779903365147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885870492395544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205582153940176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630838023112321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057579602588855236,0.1134940322060386,0.0,0.0,0.10971046962155656,0.06704207064894935,0.1074073220215406,0.09646052027245754,0.20559619368325155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838000018843602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910293063862817,0.0,0.2271061161640953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076761211609036
bpd,LeadingPlastic,2019/09/27,"Feel like killing myself before going to work I've tried different jobs, different locations, and even different hours.

Just hate going to work. Feels like the world is ending and I'd rather just kill myself. Literal stomach pains. The entire time I'm at work I'm looking at the clock waiting to get home. 

And yet I have to work the rest of my life. The knowing that I'll have this actual dread before work for the next 25 years is so saddening.",3.22646551724138,5.471022034482767,3.9776867816091968,85.91411637931036,75.7816091954023,7.5683908045976995,23.518678160919546,8.472884824447931,1.5842195402298849,355,11,68,7,8,113,57,87,0.226,0.725,0.05,-0.9624,4,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,5,6,7,3,1,6,0,4,3,1,0,0,10,15,4,2,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,2,8,15,1,12,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,9,34,6,6,0.0,0.0,0.14152654984913912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468165406878915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545706344338951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845189064426182,0.0,0.0,0.09578972258225248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666117636324574,0.20721627283591065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577122042335513,0.0,0.16484567499412953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318526881890492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454750552225689,0.0,0.14282351002860158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391805660823045,0.0,0.32090431148964066,0.0,0.07970367617988527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024376684498915,0.14170685287657112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178711629467875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542390784864934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432017249557528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845670781670921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846459117713284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279110875062714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339337103317358
bpd,acidhuues,2019/09/27,"DAE only split on people you’re comfortable with? I don’t mean to do it... and I feel like it’s out of my control. But, I only seem to split terribly around the person i love most .. god. I can’t do this anymore.",-1.214057971014494,0.7916412173913088,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,93.34782608695652,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.32530724637681097,160,4,38,2,6,56,35,46,0.07400000000000001,0.674,0.253,0.8307,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,7,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071491151245297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757075773092749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34736611904447834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659869025059422,0.2212568979014784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130867016259608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27952538206930816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373650029230881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710968477237998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147139295373408,0.2704268406177756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819483674210918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,The_tormented_artist,2019/09/27,"I just need to get it all out I was diagnosed with BPD a week and a half ago and I'm currently in the process of getting medication. All those years I was aware that something is wrong with me, but when my therapist told me I behave this way because of BPD it felt like my life was literally falling apart. I got angry at her. Told her I hate her and I don't wanna see her again, but I was devastated when she suggested I see another therapist, which I don't actually want to do because I only feel comfortable with her. Also, am I the only one who experiences symptoms stronger after recieving a diagnosis?
I just wish I didn't have BPD, or ADD, anxiety, MDD..specific phobias. I wish I could just live my life like any other functional human being.",4.024673581452106,5.336993724832214,6.006821232458815,76.1226052471019,71.48322147651007,9.981940207443564,30.995118974984752,10.230975488527342,3.336914093959732,591,26,115,17,11,206,94,149,0.166,0.6990000000000001,0.135,-0.5971,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,5,0,13,5,0,0,2,24,28,9,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,9,4,27,3,12,17,2,14,0,0,2,0,11,4,0,1,10,82,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.12966302880411648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177822150657289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625697237830788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035690580110227,0.13932693584117128,0.1016460294547724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619939812021066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020395053249281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608676324076102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348613717598562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299734338608568,0.0,0.0,0.06718362157313912,0.0,0.12757709502806022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388393336338555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062691583894948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118270497642434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877015778170701,0.12982821785637774,0.0,0.117327617503219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385365665960025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852223863500248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900368975428736,0.20210892116100834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117621310558876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022906659239757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810395056236455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30854718125336783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25392806432619425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837081861516533,0.10546689623994852,0.10658118347734044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055904201499374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452736917377081,0.0,0.08556463342953162
bpd,shitshea,2019/09/27,"new meds anybody here has experience with paxil/deroxat/seroxat? 
I have been on zoloft for almost a year but I felt like it was wearing off and by the end was taking my meds just to avoid a headache and brainzaps
now I’m just scared to switch bc I don’t know the effets it will have on my bpd",1.3611827956989266,3.337933935483876,2.523870967741935,95.37247311827957,80.61290322580646,4.778494623655916,21.623655913978496,5.46131890053228,-0.11339569892473067,232,7,52,1,6,74,48,62,0.111,0.835,0.054000000000000006,-0.5267,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,4,0,8,2,1,0,0,10,12,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,5,1,8,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710991184707109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34097763710129725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978830737178145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26482797007259423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599452988232139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487872969920901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226604226620226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6014447228249495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614747757340457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710500891832672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035568668166649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434261377911342
bpd,Kiwipopchan,2019/09/27,"I want to disappear Content Warning: Suicidal Thoughts/ Ideation 

​

I'm so fucking tired. I was just diagnosed this week but I've been dealing with this shit since I was 10 years old. I just want to be done. I want to die, but more than that I want my whole existence to be erased from the world so that no one ever has to deal with memories of me ever again. I truly believe I am evil at my core and the world would have been better if I had just never existed.",3.580267857142857,4.703715895833336,4.508571428571429,87.16500000000002,72.33333333333334,7.985714285714287,28.29761904761905,8.418075326091056,1.8619869047619049,370,14,78,6,7,120,65,96,0.254,0.629,0.11699999999999999,-0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,3,0,2,0,12,4,1,0,3,18,19,6,2,6,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,7,0,12,1,11,9,2,11,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,7,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824700376572545,0.21111287719310298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957452621398636,0.0,0.15365873677732225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582362156327104,0.0,0.1763422426662878,0.1803144853478813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779613945408124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314315196880862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061964809948034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399884665244316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823106968770261,0.0,0.117730586811006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834141088476074,0.14371936026874385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004314517196505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792999651330035,0.0,0.19968834518197068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099049485808328,0.0,0.1393635899973538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397428524039012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341977108353624,0.0,0.21111287719310298,0.11188273673168896
bpd,sunshinepickaxe,2019/09/27,"Had a new hair colour and I hate it I got home after the hairdresser did my hair completely different to how I wanted it.

I was angry and then just burst out crying in the arms of my boyfriend a good 6 hours later.

I hate my attachment to my identity sometimes.",2.1767924528301883,4.261703660377363,3.9062641509433966,85.9363773584906,78.43396226415095,8.013584905660379,23.807547169811322,8.841846274778883,1.8444898113207548,206,7,42,5,5,69,39,53,0.23800000000000002,0.674,0.08800000000000001,-0.8658,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,4,0,3,3,3,1,0,6,7,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,9,1,6,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29221017544466954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061373210295427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911807148489401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337591595605551,0.22290072682349926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503143288054541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795574154838418,0.0,0.2744619775042512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691688406989204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756400377499225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438365275319486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CopsAndRoberts,2019/09/27,"How long does it take for lithium to leave your body? I've been taking lithium for a few months, I'm up to 1,200mg per day. For certain reasons I've decided to stop cold turkey.
How long would it take before I'm lithium free?
Elimination Half-life, etc.",1.8853846153846163,3.969076769230772,3.216000000000001,90.529,79.38461538461539,5.6984615384615385,23.861538461538462,6.742157984588678,0.7129184615384614,200,7,42,2,5,65,37,52,0.068,0.8170000000000001,0.115,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,7,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,7,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870726499806536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724404088274692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817928373355514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463800574542685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735416181421354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597062126313142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434113628386468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577269926984253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25217908628819746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505725265732752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5532390317237351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742332383490392,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway96845123,2019/09/27,"Am I making the right decision?  Hey everyone - I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post, but I've tried on the advice sub yesterday and got no replies, and you all have been lovely and supportive in the past, so.. also, using a throwaway bc my first account has good clues about who I am, so just in case.

So, I live in a family where certain members have always expected good grades and eventually getting a degree; I've been in college for 4 years now (the 4th one something like a gap year, no classes but taking the exams that are left from the previous years) and it's been pretty rough. I've been feeling unmotivated and having difficulties concentrating and studying and finding the will for it all, and it all culminated very recently when I found out that due to some rules and my (lack of) success so far, I'm pretty much getting kicked out of college. Yet, there is one way that I could stay, but it would require something that is pretty improbable of happening, plus it would be on a very tight time frame.  
Now, I've had quite a few ups and downs with education so far, and those before mentioned family members hadn't taken it well, and I'm guessing they won't be keen on me not being in college anymore.

But my mental health has been wasting away lately (something I've always and still hide completely from my family) and I have a passion in writing that I want to pursue to the point of trying to make it a career, which all makes focusing on college very challenging.

So now I'm stuck between trying to plead my way to stay in college and dropping out, finding a job (which will be difficult) and pursuing my passion in my spare time, but most likely facing pretty severe backlash from family members.

A couple of people I've asked about this all have different opinions, and I need to make a decision literally in the next couple of hours, and I just don't know anymore, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.",10.449445933869525,7.28541943163539,10.178777479892762,66.37603038427169,59.77747989276139,12.94934763181412,41.220554066130475,10.93419730881044,4.427961358355674,1540,61,277,28,15,508,190,373,0.073,0.7709999999999999,0.155,0.9898,2,0,3,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,1,5,21,15,0,0,21,0,33,5,1,5,6,66,58,35,0,9,9,0,3,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,18,24,0,2,7,0,1,0,7,1,1,3,11,3,19,14,43,35,10,52,0,0,0,3,8,27,0,5,21,194,37,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762155662891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858805049768589,0.1427304696055802,0.0,0.0,0.0583246809991533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011616022355516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018081465253525,0.0,0.08058116835851896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298162509996826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992534512152939,0.0,0.0,0.0684781818212129,0.1897996938764278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960853685426386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195429678147016,0.0,0.0,0.3234149758194202,0.0,0.04336650598955515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677945204204066,0.07295359143743455,0.0,0.09403937870934716,0.0,0.0,0.08961971165939209,0.0,0.0,0.1438750246586256,0.06859591647327269,0.09455871198438097,0.09448231142166633,0.0,0.0758437088172635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116659159032894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446347911139264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511077598952159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713544560536844,0.0,0.09674921020521801,0.0,0.09318638391768937,0.0,0.0,0.08380310640373251,0.0,0.07573406595317966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774083048609364,0.0,0.2290012604032265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643323002062114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304880797416948,0.06359533993293158,0.0,0.0,0.09121445888912484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623623630718635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187455880978706,0.059460222153976026,0.0,0.08960853685426386,0.0,0.08107778745784174,0.0,0.08214133120584126,0.3490245678638268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122404318199634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468482673275493,0.0,0.0,0.14648955065372324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689259629401653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808349144910836,0.0,0.09600943082782293,0.0,0.182832984689004,0.06849384828359943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732767545720053,0.0,0.0,0.06448630909630826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002316339722056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746910282159309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407537904582162,0.0,0.21230092665900294,0.050587754802425534,0.13615612497192786,0.0,0.0,0.07711507109172433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827798119235695,0.0,0.0,0.16569391919768595
bpd,YetAnotherSN,2019/09/27,"Slowly coming around to realizing this is me I learned about BPD in 2012 while spending a few days in the hospital after a suicide attempt. The context there is that it wasn't my first, and one of the doctors introduced me to the disorder by referring to what my wife was doing, but without expressly saying he was informing me because of her. We got divorced three years ago, but it hasn't been the cleanest of breaks, despite having had another girlfriend for a couple of years afterward.

From a young age, I was uninterested in being good at anything ... I was either the best or a failure. In many cases, thankfully, I was the best. Math, singing ... not exactly your cliché coverage areas. I distinctly remember my mom telling me the other soloist in the choir was pretty good and giving her the silent treatment for days as a result.

As an adult, I've thankfully found alcohol to dull some of the black-and-white thinking, though it presents its own issues. I really wish I lived in a state where pot is legal, as that was a far better crutch once I found it.

One of the things that drew me to my (second) wife was that she was a challenge, as opposed to just getting my way all of the time. But the fights, oh, the fights. They were somewhat energizing ... if someone isn't angry about bad choices, they don't actually care, right? We were aligned in most cases, but in very crucial ones, we were not.

I'm newly fully single for the first time in 15 years. I wasn't aware of what I was doing and how I was acting for most of those. I mean, I knew what I was doing, but it seemed normal, and everyone else was the problem.

So I suppose I'm trying to come to grips with things before I fuck up another relationship. Now ... before you tell me to talk with a professional, some context might be helpful ... my father was, ironically, the state's foremost expert in adolescent suicide prevention (after my first attempt, in college, which was really solid, his reaction was ""I thought something like this might be coming."") TV crews came to the house and all that. So I can play most psychologists better than they can play me, and insurance tends not to cover the ones I can't.

So, assuming I'm on my own and can't afford help, what now?",6.084817150063052,6.49537859953162,6.566756440281028,77.23349261394345,66.28337236533957,9.566888848856063,32.34813547108629,9.466822959209583,2.8976597730138725,1750,68,325,32,26,570,227,427,0.085,0.753,0.161,0.9891,1,0,2,0,3,2,74.0,3,2,3,10,13,20,3,0,31,0,42,3,0,2,4,62,65,24,2,4,13,4,1,1,1,2,2,2,0,1,22,17,1,2,13,5,1,5,11,6,0,9,29,3,46,14,53,31,15,48,0,1,0,1,31,19,1,12,21,246,68,7,0.0,0.0,0.09237437153763753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391025719015252,0.10116260575285584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985182400148336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789700178947398,0.08426734721672673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903703174461812,0.057703773945582036,0.0,0.16109714294202024,0.0,0.1986793725511108,0.16743791292216806,0.0,0.0,0.11922078385072232,0.0,0.0,0.10826566571283333,0.09651203918113163,0.0,0.0,0.2446232709145093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047393380624237,0.0,0.12209556137074155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848840406024274,0.0968883809662128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907616913295835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045155575278488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415528935913332,0.0,0.2075793079883756,0.0,0.08751151810861167,0.049455871528756905,0.0908063661871318,0.0,0.1587924041254829,0.07570813986532136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689702178529844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922477274261452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880030367342646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046246027657012585,0.0,0.08358639336769905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597024373190104,0.0,0.10311234140729413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083831155310464,0.0,0.11086448760157294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274656764749767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080966483935763,0.2565758922163188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630311160928813,0.0,0.09057670489436892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128306441427253,0.0,0.0,0.10162926750616473,0.1072311720564926,0.08083900587596475,0.0,0.07527732250700547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617478419176956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020499482302325,0.07287378727801018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708505263108892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608401230908943,0.16547378530611168,0.17430016798030482,0.0,0.0,0.12577561375745178,0.060654218077684126,0.09300283488283448,0.07514935769326644,0.1103938548178622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426783340930416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810430064156798,0.0,0.07513659327601001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885417096001417,0.09124873008474098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287354487550847
bpd,abender1,2019/09/27,"Relationship help So I’m currently in college and so far I have talked to 2 girls. The first girl i talked to went bad after she was overly controlling for what was supposed to be friends with benefits type of deal, long story short she hated me a lot for not letting her get personally close to me even after explaining why i am the way i am. No matter how much i tried just wasnt good enough so that ended. Now im in the beginning phase of a relationship with another girl. She’s also asked me about why i refuse to let people get personally close to me, why i am so bad at expressing my emotions in a positive way. Now i find myself trying to end it before i ruin my relationship with her and being friends with all of her friends will just lead to more problems. Any advice on idek like just learning to express my emotions. Because I people say I usually come across hostile without trying and idk how to fix that because ive just been so used to acting that way probably as a defensive mechanism to push ppl away im guessing.",6.727908208296558,6.081610766990295,7.523345101500442,74.47924536628422,65.11650485436894,10.791879964695498,34.74669020300088,10.230975488527342,3.422704854368932,822,33,158,17,11,276,122,206,0.126,0.762,0.11199999999999999,-0.7354,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,17,13,3,0,7,0,14,0,0,5,1,31,25,12,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,5,5,10,0,3,3,0,0,5,4,7,0,1,5,1,26,6,34,15,5,31,0,1,0,0,27,12,0,2,12,111,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493939695338672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858790337255921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302827839857734,0.11260684691247645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003943228554491,0.0,0.10089560535537233,0.0,0.17933084503303526,0.1309268113293121,0.0,0.09138022436605277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250621073758293,0.0,0.0,0.12044602010961343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071345859077124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415965926787165,0.19022975615170626,0.11096165917298917,0.0,0.07092949538254029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815170245910784,0.09134512344347637,0.0,0.0,0.2489056836311892,0.0,0.11221275694859477,0.0,0.0,0.09007289174478998,0.0,0.0,0.11830121355216153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602451484101047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719806578214604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319973371238737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962528483477226,0.0,0.05246489548057898,0.0,0.0,0.0950359844030451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129838238762936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894335335503906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489001768278803,0.1875360600672582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578362546513732,0.10275687655819064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458871497260508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540013180546116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263060010881465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187304726531112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274971265624128,0.11827393457726475,0.0,0.0,0.2557214346427146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955078231280788,0.2907059096580865,0.0,0.0,0.1035192713661226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDperspective,2019/09/27,"I'm done pretending that, ""everything's going to be okay."" Before I write anything, this is a pure rant where I just need to be heard, not told what I need to do. I'm in therapy, DBT, medication, the fucking works. And, I'm still feeling hopeless.

My husband stopped talking to me. He abandoned me. According to him, it's my fault. I'm 700 miles away from him, and I feel more abandoned each day that passes that he doesn't respond to a text or email. Forget even trying to call him. 

I'm supposed to reach out and do what's uncomfortable, and I have. It doesn't make it better, bring any relief, or cause me to treat myself any better. Recovery is all about a different perspective (see screen name), and that isn't working. I'm deteriorating.

I'm in so much pain. I'm 36. I am not speaking on only a handful of life experience years. My experience with deteriorating mental health goes back to age 7 when my mom left me with a dad that was never home and a teenage stepmom. Then I was abused by my mom's new family. So, I numbed my feelings and went to work on a lifetime of hurt.

I got through all of it. I've lost everything more than once and built it all back. I married my husband knowing he knew all this about me, the ugly included. Now this is too much work for him, and he stopped talking to me 6 weeks ago. He let me leave without knowing where I was going. He hasn't checked on me. He hasn't responded when I've reached out letting him know how much pain I was in. He has abandoned me, like my mom did. How am I supposed to trust anyone that leaves me without my having any say in it?

I don't want a divorce. I want him. He is my best friend. Someone I believed in. Someone I looked up to. Someone I never, in a million fucking years, would ever intentionally hurt. I'm sorry I hurt him. He hurt me, too. I know he's not reading this, but this is my unread letter to him. I need him to remember the good because just like good seems temporary, so is the bad.

I just want to stop pretending that there is an end to this. Therapy is an indefinite practice for me. I want to stop pretending that I'm okay. No more. I'm not okay, and that's fucking okay!!",1.412781654011905,3.4924468013544043,3.3063426020931668,89.29028755386827,80.9864559819413,6.194315616663246,24.966601682741647,7.348242739294969,1.1243142212189614,1675,66,361,24,44,562,196,443,0.145,0.767,0.08800000000000001,-0.9423,1,0,0,0,2,1,71.0,0,0,0,8,23,32,3,0,15,4,32,10,1,5,8,69,73,21,0,8,12,6,4,2,1,1,6,3,1,0,23,15,0,7,10,4,1,5,15,17,0,1,12,10,56,15,47,56,12,44,0,9,3,3,41,17,3,4,24,228,79,5,0.0,0.08949978928815949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695958853048149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541046217364712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281769658877145,0.0,0.0621610678151215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097012937600543,0.11616761418518665,0.06307080089502241,0.04604706372542902,0.0,0.06427699524498519,0.08510508912685877,0.07927212644199758,0.1336138647300764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713240871253416,0.0,0.0,0.07759799693578599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048715549353258655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789207898481573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730126455801195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690395660792622,0.0,0.0,0.04989191993192822,0.06832814892183361,0.0,0.0,0.13577677776197752,0.14778067548415505,0.0712101944647945,0.0,0.11458234982287906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058360217994661436,0.20950008165097486,0.0,0.0,0.08585959950838783,0.12671483079730195,0.060414376782353486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029301301699332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577044396412086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234585606597794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605411616397905,0.0,0.0,0.15996697570207566,0.08207190162962387,0.15448477487266385,0.053354491635852236,0.07380778195126877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343261981677682,0.0,0.08245829212107357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504219826081956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609625755658825,0.0761242067086636,0.0,0.0,0.2654064254250141,0.0,0.0,0.16658664115001068,0.16803067992277565,0.11651861876589482,0.07295475430607469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044515537882675,0.0,0.057449803400829315,0.1607548175832611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555811354967988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556945716746832,0.0,0.0,0.0600705886209223,0.0,0.0,0.06019374467497996,0.06876665957664481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920084730262024,0.0,0.0,0.08455823942452044,0.0,0.0,0.0603244824215016,0.2526115045228913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142863884732795,0.0,0.0,0.17276782217158454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217948267544062,0.0,0.05128512085334863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821630419635015,0.0,0.06059176410251614,0.0,0.0,0.07002417870766396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563124044673464,0.0,0.2199692994114166,0.0,0.0,0.05365979489493752,0.0,0.0,0.09728756831420797
bpd,kittyplush,2019/09/27,"copying others due to lack of identity? occasionally i become basically obsessed with a certain girl and will try to copy the way she looks, her personality, etc. it really creeps me out and i don’t want to be this way but i just get so jealous for some reason. if anyone else does this, do you have any tips on how to stop? and would this count as a fp?",1.7678571428571423,3.862083722222224,3.990873015873017,84.77000000000002,79.83333333333333,6.8920634920634924,21.3968253968254,7.957251820313856,0.950049206349206,276,8,59,5,7,95,60,72,0.155,0.809,0.036000000000000004,-0.8692,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,16,9,8,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,1,10,6,3,6,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,2,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393335560650126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912351997317675,0.2771352289489132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987201423638124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366958858065953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594848337191406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30165289407279955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413128542806635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22713221355093102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361697248094045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327422890850036,0.27809498137845284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261305396042476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363584943037872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595341000415262,0.4293834535130743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213880852439,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LeBasso,2019/09/27,"Just got diagnosed yesterday... 



CW:... I guess it's a bit of a relief? Already ""enjoying"" MDD and GAD, this past February, I tried to unsuccessfully quit the life game early, but fortunately (?), I met someone who helped me get over it (she even has BPD as well) and things seemed great for a while.

Huh boy... I had no idea. About a month later, everything went to shit. The worst mental health crisis I've ever encountered began, and nearly 7 months later, it's still dictating my life. Suicidal thoughts daily ever since, immense fear of abandonment, self-harm, impulsive behaviour,... you probably get the picture. I'd previously exhibited those symptoms, but never at this level; I even got a rope as a birthday ""present"" this past August (lol). My psychiatrist had been suspecting it for quite a while, but yesterday he was undoubtedly convinced. Fortunately, it only took 33 years of living and 5 years with my current psychiatrist for a diagnosis. It's a relief because I can finally make some sense of my life, especially the last 7 months. I've done more to improve myself during this time than in the last 10 years... and yet, I've never felt worse. I've been on mood stabilizers for years, but they don't do shit now.

Anyway, there it is. Not really sure what to make of it, only some relief, like I said. My doctor told me I already qualify for ketamine therapy. Oh, and the girl who helped me is the target of my idealization, and I've been constantly getting drunk... nice.",5.081006652661067,6.925867790441173,6.163634453781516,73.94200980392158,69.625,9.739775910364145,29.496498599439768,10.07000556051586,3.2012630952380947,1157,45,203,31,21,385,167,272,0.151,0.725,0.124,-0.8828,1,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,0,1,1,3,12,17,2,1,16,2,13,10,2,2,6,32,30,15,1,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,7,1,0,2,17,8,1,1,5,2,0,2,5,5,1,0,17,2,21,11,25,13,5,40,0,1,0,0,14,6,2,4,33,124,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23108449903944334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638259136845935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430844479903007,0.0,0.13186963242026176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113146634368264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627123562808673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716785086572267,0.0,0.10714741484514992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831055087994026,0.18941952786903227,0.0,0.0,0.09410021179072987,0.0,0.0,0.11781986732266385,0.0,0.0,0.10053119992443604,0.11469690491082812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641088253794772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674809417083229,0.11543531265480472,0.11534204443383506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129428249446566,0.0,0.0,0.14036028851316654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819682528914048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069366976655492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186425597999687,0.051152546318295,0.0,0.09245457555903412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977999244192993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551589294958998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071855838327656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150665650138088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592625412522559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990152353689206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288743092412995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272883640988164,0.0,0.0,0.0670753563537158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959643097418862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531758430218701,0.10922795555250134,0.0,0.21495203658315606,0.08661131767696079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887144241462475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836158681270326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452797443600607,0.0,0.09868124052694828,0.10882639913760232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197368867117272,0.0,0.06955995178825312,0.0,0.0,0.0831224041274392,0.06105310075177396,0.0,0.0,0.10004810422900344,0.11632877015767705,0.07108639361693153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414047796400897,0.09706063371770986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067011962100617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697009292419885
bpd,bpd-throwawayy,2019/09/27,"Narcissist partner, can't let go. Long story short, I've only recently figured out my problems in life largely stem from BPD. I'm a guy so I guess psychiatrists didn't jump to it before. They diagnosed me with all sorts of other things that never seemed very accurate.

Anyway, I've been in a relationship with a woman for 7 years. We have 3 kids and she is currently pregnant.

I know what you're thinking..  wow 7 years? That's so long for someone with severe BPD. Well, it turns out, the entire relationship has been abusive. I didn't quite know *how* or *why* until I came across descriptions of narcissistic abuse... the feeding on people for ""fuel"", the blame shifting, the gaslighting, the projection... she does it all.

And she takes ZERO, absolutely zero responsibility for any of it. She blames me entirely.

This is killing me, because I want the best for my kids, but we just can't live together. We had a separation recently, I wrote her an extremely long letter (45 pages to be exact) about her narcissistic abuse and she ""apologized"" and admitted to it. That didn't last long, once she lured me back in with sex and got me to move back into the house.

This morning, we were having what I *thought* was a normal conversation, I was listening to her list the ways in which she was woken up the night prior by the kids etc...  then she throws out one of those narcissistic stink bombs: ""why don't you *ever* let me talk""? 

My immediate reaction was to just stop talking. I figured she would say what she wanted to say. Nope. She starts going off on me instead with more criticisms. I start to just zone out/disassociate. I'm in shock that she's doing this yet again, after apologizing, and when I did literally nothing wrong.

She starts yelling, I calmly remind her we agreed no yelling with the kids around... she yells more. I lock myself in the bathroom so I can shower and then leave the house, she bangs on the door, yelling about how I don't listen to her and ignore her etc... she threatens to leave me again, knowing full well that abandonment is my biggest fear or ""button"" ...

So I finally leave the house, as we agreed I would do if things get heated. But now she's texting me. Trying to blame me for what happened. Projecting, gaslighting, threatening. The whole nine yards.

I eventually get fed up, I drive home, pack up all of my things, and leave.

She continues to email me. She tells me I'm giving her the ""silent treatment""... for.... shutting up when she told me to...? I never let her talk, except when I do, I'm giving her the ""silent treatment"". Or I'm ""ignoring her"" because the real way to respond to rude comments like ""you don't EVER let me speak"" is to ""ask questions"" and ""be curious what the other person had to say"". This is what ""normal"" people do I'm told (gaslighting).

I'm at my wits end. I'm contemplating suicide, a common occurrence in the last 7 years. If it weren't for the kids, I'd probably already have gone through with it.

I have blocked her email and phone number. I don't think she's ever going to stop trying to use me for that narcissistic fuel... and I don't think I'm ever going to find love from her, it was probably never there to begin with, now that I've learned about narcissistic abuse and I look back at our relationship. In hindsight, it's absolutely horrifying. She lured me in real quick and we moved fast, and she's been slowly breaking me down since day one.

I just really wish my kids didn't have to suffer because of this, but seriously what the fuck could I possibly do? There is no reasoning with such a person, right?

I guess that's it. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.",2.493397007322507,4.961451898280807,3.7776528175740243,85.24556868831584,79.44412607449856,6.800413880929643,23.304759630690864,7.937092434478242,1.3483466411970708,2827,95,550,51,72,922,301,698,0.14300000000000002,0.782,0.075,-0.9943,2,0,0,0,6,1,151.0,8,2,1,2,37,21,3,1,31,0,51,7,0,4,11,101,106,36,2,11,13,0,0,1,1,2,2,10,4,11,37,38,2,6,15,1,0,12,18,13,2,5,26,12,100,8,85,71,11,95,0,2,1,3,89,31,1,10,50,383,137,3,0.0,0.2837276660529035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606408150610715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071121749839975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053293804897750034,0.055967019940762766,0.0,0.0,0.13810074151785318,0.0,0.10948203920353017,0.0,0.05094191278773751,0.0,0.06282611276888839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079931679719555,0.0,0.0,0.06847123418736821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156961861727123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047798463810866505,0.0,0.0,0.03860888731811155,0.0,0.0,0.06076315461635778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238950627674025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053023877511471834,0.0,0.13353376323859573,0.0,0.2166104118624092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736636468649174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558073523775221,0.054716821952751946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534553924417975,0.06255546555946613,0.11485864745698425,0.1360938610610491,0.0,0.04788064378930778,0.0,0.1318992187919497,0.0592771665165585,0.05293967618253647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005089898177126,0.0,0.0,0.20723342744758447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623332214102381,0.0,0.09870305392422134,0.09759824271128996,0.0,0.2535595727234633,0.0,0.24486987602957355,0.042285421858759165,0.029247708117712806,0.0,0.05286314435397955,0.2119195860042221,0.05027271381133927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403178005245781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725705715998042,0.0,0.0,0.13851801782340498,0.0,0.0,0.05618057831562097,0.11731275860457105,0.05744344317312041,0.0,0.0,0.06375578189187225,0.08113406908416611,0.04553110896617468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300767342898377,0.10454609498695018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674903917830368,0.0,0.0,0.12909224926097365,0.05728407738416861,0.0,0.0,0.06706408981234999,0.06367530519574685,0.0,0.13628218139822945,0.03835196066912906,0.061552648973210236,0.1182217318936226,0.19282238731610485,0.0,0.05112559430880685,0.0,0.1428245365999974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450013899227473,0.0,0.06763201262545461,0.0,0.04952212003960869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050724622135426584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712127747090096,0.0,0.0,0.10010201304165876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548414514448417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045012096256933684,0.1924734380167488,0.05232588850290526,0.055116954863292364,0.0,0.0,0.11931776498039333,0.11507995105663105,0.0,0.04752724915851151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144098568236411,0.0,0.08129073687599588,0.0651174722714598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517053641091432,0.0,0.049396064994920164,0.07062152945327416,0.09503835293247334,0.0,0.0,0.10765419982889657,0.0,0.10804026217138248,0.06683871832096527,0.06884342679649226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505477212577252,0.06545453066031355,0.0,0.1156560321815938
bpd,naomixrayne,2019/09/27,"Mommy issues TL;DR - Narcissistic mother, I blocked her a month ago, I feel guilty, what should I do?

So I have a complicated past with my mother, and currently she is not a part of my life. I live a few hours drive away from her, and I have her phone number blocked as well as her Facebook.

I got diagnosed with BPD this year, though I'm certain that I've had the disorder for over a decade. My mother is not diagnosed with any personality disorders, however she shows many narcissistic tendencies, and has been emotionally abusive to me for years.

It's been over a month since I've blocked her, and I have so many mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I was feeling fear and anxiety every time she called. I have a 6 month old baby that I want to protect from her. She constantly put me down, never took me seriously, and she is married to a person that basically hates me. On the other hand, I feel so guilty about keeping her from her only grandson. I feel guilty about all the situations that spiralled out of control. I feel like it's my fault that her husband hates me.

My husband believes she has manipulated me into feeling guilty about everything. I constantly split between agreeing with him, that she's a terrible human being, and disagreeing with him, that I'm reading way too far into things and that she is actually innocent of a lot of what I accuse her of.

I have nightmares every night involving her. Does anyone else have experience with narcissistic family members? Am I the asshole? I feel like there are no right answers.",5.661678082191781,6.8801260582191786,6.430027397260279,74.96668493150689,67.52739726027397,9.675616438356164,32.40821917808219,9.888512548439397,3.245229589041096,1227,52,222,28,20,404,151,292,0.16699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.1,-0.9695,2,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,2,1,15,0,21,5,2,2,3,40,37,14,0,2,2,6,10,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,16,17,0,6,9,2,0,3,4,6,1,1,6,10,51,4,35,29,4,30,0,0,0,0,33,11,0,1,17,162,67,1,0.0,0.1223649267343138,0.10078227610088264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154775904903877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023108060991884,0.0,0.07900569884531418,0.0,0.0,0.07221283563642167,0.10581825433446007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703100700560613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635645266377224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007224574309065,0.0,0.10545613141682607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232088853277361,0.11583258339042204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096455115911052,0.0,0.0,0.2367260119824168,0.0,0.09037734227870292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627367285861075,0.1161713664047653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402861943442272,0.0,0.0928176233441904,0.10102354246971604,0.09735922618058722,0.11621397932597233,0.4177547516074289,0.1475604940825992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259908595840604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039269283546907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170585262442376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779309583296326,0.0,0.09179626991338752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294674671185336,0.100910671440922,0.0,0.09119441717909928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780138589636675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094108883288391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24730125761215216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965265818988032,0.0,0.0,0.09691733548748148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083705717286476,0.0,0.06998235002778748,0.07854589424126424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118376194945785,0.09858843016655626,0.0,0.18035287755197546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382069677088722,0.0,0.0,0.10330374073755176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819696279711997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543080306091425,0.11608631823971015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861184775312229,0.0,0.10146794210673056,0.0,0.06022094532768435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114743205855907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091473840132161,0.08197551726495056,0.0,0.0,0.09285734068843232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330124491198388
bpd,mybbhasbpd,2019/09/27,What kind of jobs are y’all best suited for/enjoy? What type of career are you in? How long have you held that job? What did your path to get there look like?,-0.2794117647058805,1.8166284117647078,0.5661764705882355,106.14279411764707,88.41176470588232,3.4000000000000004,8.5,3.1291,-2.4352705882352943,122,0,31,0,4,37,29,34,0.0,0.797,0.203,0.8253,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,4,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,19,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681738287804186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832938904790509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6962881251883833,0.0,0.0,0.36533485081345535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139753211156664,0.0,0.0,0.31047299416626056,0.2946083517086346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Moklov,2019/09/27,"Help! I have no libido and its destroying my relationship. I need advice, suggestions or any tips you might have to help increase my libido. Meds are the cause but my cocktail works too well to cut something out. Any advice would be much appreciated.",4.003333333333334,7.044391555555558,4.440000000000005,79.26000000000003,77.8888888888889,7.155555555555559,24.555555555555557,8.238735603445708,1.8966888888888884,200,7,34,4,5,63,36,45,0.121,0.645,0.235,0.7345,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,3,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.495461295829046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344796010821327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604283975039193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398497707652107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28159656368430297,0.0,0.0,0.2689379671087845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863617348961505,0.18797719198858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721788327187346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951672273532723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279392568560776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456098871076745,0.0,0.0,0.18008885469610508,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BarkerRach,2019/09/27,"How do I make it stop? How do I stay clear-headed? I work with my boyfriend and I have these deluded and suspicious thoughts toward a female coworker often. It comes, bad, and then goes and I can see how ridiculous I have been. This causes deep shame and maybe even some damage control to fix anything I've said or done. I hate this cycle. I am feeling clear now and have never posted anything before, but lately, reading other's posts has made me feel less alone and crazy. I work closely with this coworker, and really like and respect her as a person. I want to be her friend and sometimes can even relax enough to feel we are but then the suspicions come back and I act more coldly to her. I should say that I have directed this suspicion at my boyfriend before too, that he secretly wants to be with her and not me. I said this to him in a (maybe?) better way than just flat out like that, but you understand that I also hear the crazy. This has happened repeatedly in my past relationships. There is always some girl I can point to and say ""you'd rather"" ""i can tell"", while he's thinking ""her? what?!"". I'm not an unattractive girl, inside and out, but somehow I often can't feel this about myself. I think this is where these thoughts come from, but please - I need more help. Can anyone help me? Has anyone else had this problem? How do I make it stop?",2.5735955056179805,4.728036292134835,3.2036644194756536,91.11614831460676,77.46441947565545,6.069752808988763,21.541423220973787,7.087006719466742,0.5314450636704127,1058,29,217,12,25,331,148,267,0.12300000000000001,0.726,0.151,0.9209999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,2,0,4,18,12,2,1,6,0,27,0,0,9,2,67,52,29,0,6,10,0,4,2,1,1,0,5,0,3,20,24,0,3,10,2,0,4,4,6,0,0,8,11,37,6,20,40,6,29,0,1,1,0,25,10,0,6,13,158,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157558040752593,0.0,0.08937917958278899,0.0929982131161708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629868392722868,0.11451741052812946,0.1839476864479578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594110679170884,0.09331988907884307,0.0,0.0,0.1902091611795826,0.0,0.0,0.09884788887301353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481440482801054,0.0,0.2888293753440485,0.0,0.0,0.1253550021977163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437535803952813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336609902193084,0.0,0.0,0.11548409002500623,0.0,0.14764069483523898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260488641151461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635008581774202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883424913544762,0.0,0.0,0.11034572399163793,0.1147040960201624,0.0,0.1259683341025611,0.0,0.14982870353359318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260768453204095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920638278102826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575563214686083,0.1492092618885237,0.0,0.2245678125202617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287302623779604,0.08620078090455524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106693233617545,0.0,0.0975897053322639,0.0,0.12268543634242775,0.10565493657840776,0.0,0.2140817457193637,0.0,0.0,0.106944907561577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179618262972192,0.0,0.07160012128778342,0.0,0.0,0.11999478929679262,0.0,0.0,0.21263000080020325,0.17776151840328674,0.0,0.0,0.08906298154765703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105393697184654,0.0,0.0,0.11912761810256688,0.0,0.1868826560594407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768835537826308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323019926817698,0.0,0.17745933948890885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635228224167955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184489100848953,0.08871459865719022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627338667856068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,leavingNYCforwhere,2019/09/27,Curious to know how many of you were prematurely born incubator babies? I was born 1 month earlier than my due date and had to stay in an incubator until I was released. Sometimes I wonder if that was really the initial source of my abandonment issues.,6.746524822695032,7.706598404255325,8.34553191489362,63.13333333333336,64.95744680851064,12.224113475177305,34.815602836879435,11.855464076750405,4.814041134751774,203,9,33,7,3,71,38,47,0.073,0.878,0.049,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,6,0,7,2,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015245649605457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141985510591144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900231976106101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30706212090734514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644726719155102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38047596979197296,0.0,0.0,0.4100366787147551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41718836374348295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FauxMichelle,2018/12/09,"I hate being self aware. It's literally one of the worth things. I know that I'm about to have a breakdown yet I feel like I can't do anything about it. I know that I am constantly trying to blame others for my unhappiness and hoping for someone to save me, but no one else than me will. And here I am crying again trying to stop myself from sending a disappointed text to my boyfriend. Most likely will just end up numb tomorrow morning, snapping at him. I did try to talk and I told him I wasn't feeling well but ofc, he didn't have any response other than trying to distract me from everything and pretend like things are ok. ",3.3520472440944857,4.879614480314963,4.414968503937008,86.02953937007875,73.48818897637796,6.969763779527558,26.08582677165355,7.554174236665415,1.2982037795275592,497,17,101,6,10,162,84,127,0.23,0.6729999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,1,1,3,1,13,1,0,0,0,15,21,6,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,4,1,1,1,4,4,1,2,4,2,18,7,18,14,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,9,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273716161360219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413338508222832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240665680501047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574218266915945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646658212517567,0.0,0.16589376067419526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833473995535247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941079006132247,0.1338084110760223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849217056936704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603290463930508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058722921822577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27451852930024706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538410329621829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539657928375095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870016905125164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659265385623009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054605566889134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488699264911957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897485338151398,0.0,0.5086623868809967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684067716296595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,subguy47,2018/12/09,"Hospital 5150s (Cross post from r/legal advice), what do we do? https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a4lohf/took_husband_to_er_for_possible_stroke_and_he_got/?st=JPHE2E5M&sh=ea8a5446

I apologize if this violates the rules, I’m just a bit terrified after reading OPs post, the way they were treating her husband seems so wrong, but physicians/nurses all seem to think he was treated / diagnosed properly, but I gotta say I don’t see how they thought him being on Prozac and not wanting to talk to a psychiatrist he’d never met via webcam after refusing multiple times. 

As someone with bpd, that also has ADHD, PTSD, epilepsy and GAD, I would like to try and understand what should be said to avoid being put into this type of problem. Because of the epilepsy I’ve had a few seizures, and when I first come out of them I am definitely far from lucid, takes me a few minutes to come back, but I’m worried they’ll somehow say I’m a danger to myself or others and take me in against my will. 

Because of the bpd, and being hospitalized a massive trigger for me, my emotions always go from zero to nuclear at the snap of my fingers, adamant that I do not want to go. 

Again I’m sorry if this is the wrong place for this type of question, I’m just deeply disturbed right now over OPs husbands experience. ",14.559967811158801,9.932860463519312,12.278621244635193,58.905743025751114,53.806866952789704,14.39678111587983,46.72156652360515,11.20814326018867,5.1356871244635185,1060,41,176,16,8,326,152,233,0.155,0.8109999999999999,0.034,-0.9816,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,4,1,10,10,2,2,12,0,19,3,1,2,2,40,41,17,0,7,10,2,1,1,0,5,2,3,0,0,9,12,0,2,6,1,0,6,4,7,0,2,6,5,22,3,31,25,4,27,0,0,1,0,19,9,0,7,10,121,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575949348781762,0.12814047245876112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486604912345172,0.10911215822920277,0.14208124514846493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083225610943712,0.0,0.15987345028015892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431619573555065,0.0,0.3303118107542657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259168604627861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330960116713461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750561957216626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827205777584158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115406378793104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490504421186164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406437133774613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113692435992844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700481584553728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511760229600954,0.0,0.0,0.12547541812539634,0.15328605108185125,0.13182367286828728,0.14689762137513873,0.0,0.13116728117428728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198583647922757,0.1247363659697732,0.20856253333441888,0.0,0.0,0.10449506296269633,0.2387549224922247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110754440560076,0.0,0.0,0.14679130863830006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971895806460256,0.10539876967564876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402395939708705,0.0,0.10410399770464376,0.0764640042265807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902988112064883,0.0,0.0,0.13651282325633712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546898604541988,0.10408631522663524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317070316027818,0.0,0.09315226484725646,0.2867440649423533,0.0,0.0
bpd,SongsForTheDeaf69,2018/12/09,"I'm currently in a mental health rehabilitation program and haven't been diagnosed with anything yet... ...however, I feel like I might have BPD. I am an extremely impulsive person. I get angry instantly when someone says something about me, especially if it's a bad insult. I've lost jobs over this and dropped out of school because of it. How can I bring this up to my doctor?",4.321737089201879,6.460488521126763,5.810915492957751,74.47768779342726,72.23943661971829,9.240375586854462,31.551643192488264,9.725611199111238,3.400293896713615,299,14,53,8,6,101,59,71,0.18,0.784,0.036000000000000004,-0.8797,3,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,0,8,11,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,7,1,9,8,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,35,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660497735975986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962866065515254,0.15304680072052085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162073864519355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25482553531264635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569755099181893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269459305374908,0.17936077720059473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117102048575535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668701925433677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491431211765137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265760270053185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27406693893142176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25301431517151585,0.2663401277211197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922014079173932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965684371647796,0.0,0.25409102935624395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272643052854365,0.1932819855041935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xstarvingkittenx,2018/12/09,"Can’t deal with my FP (boyfriend) being friends with people I don’t like I feel like it’s destroying me. I’m always insecure. He says I always try to tear them down to make myself seem more important and better than them when he already likes me, but I can’t help it. It’s not just jealousy. I can’t stand some of them. The way they look or their personality. I don’t know why I have so much hate inside of me, but it keeps building up. It also hurts knowing that I’m nothing like them. Some of them are more attractive and more successful than me. It makes me wonder why he’d want to be with me, and I’m afraid he’ll choose someone more like them over me. At the same time, I thought he was better than to hang out with people like that. I don’t want to start splitting, but it does make me think less of him. I still love him a lot though. Some of them do things he doesn’t like and it’s okay with, but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to be judgmental. There’s a difference between not being so judgmental and getting close to people that do things you really don’t agree with. It’s been hurting me so much, and I’ve been showing how unstable I am. It’s crazy how something like this can make me feel like I’m losing myself. I don’t deal with stress well. Sorry for the rant ",1.9363429951690847,3.5213556777777804,3.1045571658615145,93.713115942029,77.40740740740742,6.325281803542674,20.998389694041872,7.079830092131019,0.29148631239935563,1003,25,230,11,23,323,129,270,0.11699999999999999,0.654,0.23,0.9837,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,9,4,12,25,2,3,5,1,24,1,0,6,0,48,51,19,0,3,8,0,2,9,1,1,0,2,0,1,16,15,0,2,9,1,0,1,12,8,1,0,4,5,38,17,29,41,12,13,0,3,1,1,28,6,0,7,13,148,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719759351651247,0.08493045877950693,0.1767387201918705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785575322034728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189811511206617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095947603656928,0.0,0.0,0.0929389150832982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739880263782743,0.15174281388913874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205213382337675,0.0,0.05548665672583957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048534234338764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118559707554728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273849037712716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879611901254686,0.0,0.0,0.1167327250444449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669685608596847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918372803970102,0.11881393263793393,0.0,0.09028994814711692,0.09585230659683316,0.0,0.2835651686555453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614277262270088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019045924761688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088325488296104,0.09273231735528352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803632767748923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891369311964555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096683174738751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998541281099716,0.08176021762462793,0.0,0.11888550481022125,0.07517099289400904,0.0,0.08481381109521853,0.0,0.1216551175873972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111303853948942,0.06805056049803407,0.10434385673848996,0.08431327736422595,0.061927792773393824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210483003665183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792375025180932,0.08429895641877053,0.0,0.0,0.09548920430178154,0.0,0.1916632826902862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517256629518945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,7hr0w4w4y_again,2018/12/09,"What helps you recognize when you make paranoid assumptions about a person or perceived abandonment? What emotions lead you to tell extreme stories to harm them after you have been harmed? I do not have BPD but I am trying to understand something that happened to me with a friend, and I think it would help me empathize with her if I had a better idea of what may be going on in her head (I recognize that the best way to find out is to ask myself, but she is refusing to talk to me).

I have read that BPD in general is characterized by unstable relationships that go back and forth between extremes of love and hate, and that the switch from the former to the latter is often triggered by perceived abandonment.  I had a very intense relationship with this friend, and when I realized it was unhealthy, I tried to take some space. In retrospect, I see that my behavior was likely experienced as abandonment because I did not communicate clearly.

Later, she made some very harmful accusations against me that are not true. I posted here asking for advice and one person replied saying that sometimes they get caught up in paranoid assumptions and end up taking them out on the other person. Is anyone willing to explain how this process unfolds for you, and what helps you recognize that the person didn't do anything malicious towards you? 

Also, I am trying to understand why she outright lied in her accusations (about something that is NOT up for interpretation). When you do this, is it because you are trying to express the severity of your feelings and don't think the truth will get the message across strongly enough? Or because you are angry and want to show the other person what your pain feels like by doing whatever you can to make them experience it too? Or something else maybe?

Thank you for your time.

​",9.17015368309486,8.662490477477476,8.385147500441619,69.8340222575517,60.14114114114114,11.198657481010423,39.10775481363717,10.46071229359064,4.172645433668965,1471,65,243,28,17,461,174,333,0.16399999999999998,0.721,0.115,-0.9595,0,0,3,0,0,0,32.0,0,15,4,4,11,19,1,0,14,0,33,3,1,6,3,58,58,22,0,3,10,0,2,2,2,4,1,1,0,5,24,15,0,4,13,2,0,4,6,8,0,1,9,5,44,11,49,44,4,30,0,3,1,1,47,15,0,8,11,198,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433139671663414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719778686748575,0.0,0.1045939822518333,0.11729874095499015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067498451797191,0.0,0.0794388265783041,0.0,0.18049154030457926,0.0,0.0,0.07422828533704415,0.0,0.17653773519160662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013059287148755,0.08537601590369959,0.0,0.0,0.2431610705234297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064133332380137,0.10858716883748763,0.08550000817531879,0.09974488700780912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442826405690087,0.0,0.0,0.09762045319197912,0.06896353542430671,0.0,0.0,0.08822984934052766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916305009876768,0.0,0.10086951516490036,0.0,0.10972439945393388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853642351113668,0.0,0.0,0.09530682338110433,0.09907119755099243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411306485484836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897454570201016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432276176455616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712523212231475,0.09134231024069146,0.1288736912969289,0.0,0.09698085286282344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541358247982007,0.0,0.10271842589323307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42144654425489664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245238687246307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965596005639514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072816558080473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676729566658534,0.0,0.0,0.07692468312410862,0.0,0.0,0.10905535211261316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222948560921288,0.09547407733909773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516232228106768,0.07758995237760259,0.08437451398780271,0.08887505615542003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370950872121685,0.0,0.0,0.05628944687683501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621595776722141,0.0,0.0,0.20098950847314204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593004570433581,0.05693794596879576,0.07662378096488012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710644838184688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857461254630118,0.0,0.11729874095499015,0.0
bpd,brainsandb00bies,2018/12/09,"My boyfriend of five years broke up with me for good after a long night of me splitting for the last time I don’t blame him. I’m a bitch that hasn’t learned her lessons and continues making the same mistakes and having the same fights. I have to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore and that this is what is best for him. I love him so much, he has been my favorite person ever since we met, and I can’t imagine my life without him. I’m in so much emotional pain, I feel like a monster, I wish I were never born and I lost hope in myself ever being able to maintain a healthy relationship. This was the best relationship I’ve ever been in and it was still unhealthy, and I tried so hard to keep my problems under control. But I failed, so here I am ugly crying with My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion on repeat. We were best friends since college, and live together. Now we have to divide our stuff and figure out where to go from here. I wish the earth would just open up and swallow me whole, I wish I could turn back time and fix my mistakes but the past is dead and so is our relationship. ",4.479697923222151,4.598712466960353,4.97674323473883,88.26120044052864,69.70484581497797,7.542983008181246,27.22750157331655,6.868970318607317,1.0532972938955312,858,25,189,6,14,274,130,227,0.134,0.725,0.141,-0.2907,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,5,0,0,7,15,18,2,0,10,0,23,5,1,2,4,48,39,19,1,10,4,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,8,19,1,2,6,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,8,2,35,9,25,27,8,31,0,3,0,1,20,11,1,1,19,140,43,3,0.1134147454229019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247695200831864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872089385557723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570653345627788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272042808433323,0.09055244557835948,0.0,0.12458077230089147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757632339336514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077703910551879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057345903017628326,0.08102351679145878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762395097629384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891242693533814,0.09512690753457978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159733497264234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439701939684734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264643269878563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080823682465168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924481547840919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010818876469343,0.05540871581355785,0.0,0.10014729806288132,0.10036848074536432,0.0,0.0,0.12380559214269575,0.0,0.10236123575146712,0.0,0.07570522324971833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674577510738867,0.0,0.08747244346741641,0.0,0.0,0.10643205565383644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206812854640747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826720765209882,0.0,0.0990293810926158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852259437377984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652949769017777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876356988189306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057316219852858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298327492691141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226610022663346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700116740273659,0.12336267515612445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689495532515723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662351299061106,0.3912640801439261,0.10932776737304893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805665811204149,0.0,0.0,0.07303537760385685
bpd,SappyConundrum,2018/12/09,"Is it just me..at? Hey so..  I'm going to propose something a little crazy. I've had some extreme episodes of BPD in the last few years. I'm 28[F] for reference. One major thing that I've noticed is that when I eat a specific way... I feel normal. I'm happy, playful, open, talkative, extroverted, all the things I crave. But when I slack on my diet, which was recently.... Started having ""cheat meals"" farrrrrr too often. Lots of apple fritters since Thanksgiving 😋. And wow I became a recluse... Lethargic... Mean... And had the worst episode yet about 4 days ago. It was pretty bad. The day after I went back on my ""diet"" for lack of a better word cause it's definitely what I consider food compared to refined sugar, flour and oils.. but anyways... I'm a completely different person again.. I always weird my friends out. For instance I kept up this way of eating for three months and was doing things so out of character I even surprised myself. Went to clubs, talked to everybody, felt amazing, loved myself... Then I started to add in new ""food"" cause of how good I felt... Lost all my friends, got kicked out, cried till I was sick on a regular basis, couldn't look people in the eye, always wanted to die.... Etc. Now I'm at a point where it's no longer an option for me to quit eating what I consider real food. And it's stuff I used to avoid thinking it was bad for me... Oddly enough. Now I love it ! The general guidelines are no sugar. At all. And for me sugar is anything processed or high in carbs. Even ""healthy"" carbs. I don't touch them. They make me crazy. I eat eggs, beef, and cheese. Those are my main food groups. They keep me sane. Pumpkin seeds are awesome and low starch vegetables. But I don't eat either anymore, just cause I don't like them. Now, please don't yell at me lol. I'm not recommending this diet to anyone! I can't, I'm not a doc. But I'm sharing this because it literally had changed my life. And there's no going back for me. There's a popular TED talk of a woman who cured her bi polar disorder by just eating meat. And I believe her. I just don't want people to suffer. All I can truly offer is my experience and wish everyone the best. Let food be thy medicine ♥️♥️",0.8330343053173266,3.245973390909093,2.585463121783878,91.31267581475129,86.68181818181819,5.320754716981132,21.02915951972556,6.8096976237459765,0.5301663807890225,1692,56,350,22,53,557,241,440,0.12,0.7170000000000001,0.163,0.9809,1,1,1,0,0,0,105.0,0,0,4,4,25,24,1,1,18,1,27,26,1,6,4,60,58,23,1,6,12,0,4,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,22,16,20,3,6,2,0,4,12,9,0,2,15,11,46,15,43,40,15,48,0,3,2,3,19,20,0,5,23,218,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757549404841973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686306068309702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560213603042958,0.05330352261440486,0.0,0.0627328357352729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172361433705147,0.12730187338503365,0.046470612335206316,0.0,0.0,0.08588790000052471,0.08000128474726552,0.06742143372598106,0.0,0.0,0.09601214010458184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349352689517995,0.08064385593266933,0.0,0.07992830505375854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373779984339713,0.0983272862821744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791172788393687,0.07964671650054997,0.08736902672437348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680291519185598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876853022150758,0.08501936651343335,0.10070166834700547,0.0,0.0,0.07284340165459467,0.0,0.07456999345287911,0.0,0.0,0.0385454324936358,0.0,0.14639027158679815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609030879693434,0.0,0.11779405012226005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664935049500136,0.06394018752438724,0.060970078345634636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811508926569981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054380073218187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775893102830004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062139645935926566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795287586203517,0.053845255192297214,0.037243339150034936,0.07640497210152537,0.0,0.0,0.0640160836853555,0.0,0.08321675731226891,0.0648101285243337,0.13760557930042314,0.0,0.050885772455106566,0.0,0.0,0.08303951920081777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060848038355531875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362580436362523,0.0,0.0,0.07469164485900731,0.0,0.08679118391637408,0.0,0.0,0.05165710146180616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570000634336003,0.06656326124324098,0.0,0.08368037102067337,0.07206433425700216,0.0,0.0,0.07755583838398103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108262628109933,0.0,0.08676925182467526,0.0,0.0,0.07527037739330061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306029534488257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868748760156231,0.0,0.0,0.10791548363333654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726795131079182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254555981926245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193641737342595,0.0488466951475524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584038666013105,0.0,0.0,0.08992778381597696,0.12101958882655925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413365456793735,0.0,0.0,0.08766358998500799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909121783663024
bpd,WiddleForAGrizzle,2018/12/09,"Relationship trouble. Is it BPD or is it me? I'm diagnosed with BPD, Depression, residual PTSD and Bipolar disorder. I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 months, and he's a wonderful person. But my issues started taking up too much time and space between us, than what I'd be okay with. He was patient with everything and really supportive. But since the last month, something flipped, and we've only been fighting, and I flew into fits of rage that would leave me cold hearted. He started working, at around that time, and the distance just grew. We had a huge fight one day and things weren't the same anymore for me, although he said he loves me. I just split, from having this person as someone I loved so much, to just another normal person in my life, but who I have to make time for. I thought I'll give it time, and it'd get better. But that's when I started my antidepressants in addition to my mood stabilisers, and things started flipping even more. I stopped feeling, and have become completely numb. I don't feel happy, sad, angry, annoyed, excited - absolutely nothing. It's been this way for almost 2 weeks now. I just cannot feel. In fact, I broke up with him this evening, and I STILL FEEL NOTHING, knowing that he must be hurting so bad. I don't want to be so cold and unfeeling. I don't even recognise the person in the mirror. I've stopped being functional, I don't do anything normal throughout the day. I've spent the past 15 days only eating, sleeping, attending therapy twice a week and on my phone. Nothing else. I've stopped being suicidal since I've started these meds, but I am alien to what I've become after starting it. And clearly it's affecting my life too bad. 

Does anyone here relate? How do I help myself out? ",4.332151123213073,5.952365188790562,5.05429203539823,82.04874914908102,71.15339233038348,7.929248922169276,30.737576582709323,8.502166056373571,2.4247652825051063,1385,60,258,23,26,447,185,339,0.183,0.73,0.087,-0.9896,0,0,1,0,3,0,54.0,2,0,0,2,18,20,4,0,11,1,28,10,2,3,3,56,53,28,1,5,10,0,4,0,0,2,5,1,0,4,20,24,1,3,7,0,1,3,6,12,0,2,10,7,31,7,31,35,4,46,0,4,0,2,24,15,0,3,27,165,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323012076732593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871558943937272,0.0,0.0,0.08243017694955121,0.05811765423362247,0.0,0.06839858001001896,0.07399215320780388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879919933630033,0.0,0.18359338858520416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735106308370462,0.0,0.0,0.20936703944291493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714706587400094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608116390510421,0.0,0.07158893865139321,0.08436246303654013,0.0,0.0,0.09525979966890696,0.0,0.07273664138537465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504990254655212,0.06943396481348668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646948772244534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470060540848697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681067222634305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043425437539522806,0.07973383263011408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848007202650965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849457948998347,0.05571187528547281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897895024509019,0.0,0.0,0.08675302412902616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567917729556744,0.067751816007146,0.0,0.08800937927145383,0.0,0.0,0.1174166272658839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355632847684311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003348908573064,0.0,0.05548154388125693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232475044178284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268711261440458,0.0,0.12220178002934833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628749087169416,0.2392603074337113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632253581411682,0.12642913362294536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793450118023848,0.0,0.2902998084821906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971598521700398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324716737891743,0.0,0.0,0.17847407281904756,0.0,0.0,0.07906372949342719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751122856310372,0.0,0.08317747731089795,0.0,0.07042514640591738,0.06398787444013818,0.0,0.0,0.35298575722431685,0.0,0.06637770364147974,0.2084697320710731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091700075663577,0.0943206982744331,0.0,0.0,0.062493978968802474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505204884113327,0.0,0.11043908216324687,0.0,0.0,0.06598597169087693,0.1938658160882973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998005942913478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902482602904473,0.06597476371117374,0.13334361106023238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013732992835352,0.060510494166091035,0.0,0.0,0.05904425235033935,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilikepurpledou,2018/12/09,What popular fictional characters (in movies or books) do you suspect have BPD? And why?,4.300000000000002,7.693530000000003,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,82.33333333333334,11.0,34.16666666666667,10.125756701596842,5.3096666666666685,70,4,11,3,2,22,15,15,0.12,0.708,0.172,0.2406,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8129002788766354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824028988615083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lessyabandon,2018/12/09,"Social Media and BPD Hi! 

As someone who doesn’t do social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc),  since I recognised a long time ago, the functions available will not be conducive to my own wellbeing and it isn’t really something I’ve given a second thought to joining cause I’m a pretty private person. 

So I’ve just wondered to other BPD’s what is your experience with SM platforms; do they enforce any bad habits for you or add any positivity for your life?
",7.409310344827586,7.640209471264371,7.607494252873567,71.5119310344828,63.48275862068965,9.258850574712644,38.089655172413785,8.841846274778883,3.537038620689655,372,18,61,5,5,121,69,87,0.042,0.878,0.081,0.5093,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,0,10,11,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,6,0,7,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,3,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828458871004316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735428906456173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793041958528948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066181209848427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661009531326516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430679944973844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196738193335755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206006646533004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779887083403242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561401246207964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046157552091768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884539972027312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663721290952093,0.0,0.0,0.4100418647206247,0.17041199721399458,0.15483533989367815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967025697235346,0.11727721771676647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811076299497545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gorunningaway,2018/12/09,"Does anyone wish themself was someone's favorite person? The concept of a borderline having a favorite person is well known, I do it myself, but does anyone crave to be someone else's favorite person? 

Growing up, I only had that best friend that was *the* best friend that you spend 24/7 with and share everything with together for about a year before my parents ruined it for me. I always still crave that feeling of being someone's #1, but is that actually realistic and healthy as an adult? I find myself jealous of those people on social media or in movies who have such a close bond with one person whether a friend, s.o., or parent. ",8.593221288515402,7.8079407731092445,8.109705882352943,72.24534313725492,61.43697478991597,9.614005602240896,35.79971988795518,8.344100000000001,3.016763585434173,508,19,84,5,6,161,80,119,0.055999999999999994,0.624,0.32,0.9894,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,4,9,1,0,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,15,12,8,0,1,5,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,9,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,9,7,14,7,2,7,0,1,0,0,14,4,0,2,2,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.13927463995802994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875490584526875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958701217550576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214446507621186,0.0,0.2995527614265698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497913778734305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922468106606535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826800081476766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216378324627278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044396979268025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307965594416485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967111180717972,0.10854538678689127,0.0,0.0,0.3169484955246973,0.0,0.0,0.09894443846428884,0.4984722127391218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548559704703262,0.36277990066522425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397679173026368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832288763647276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412155466961614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190733568349667
bpd,lost_time_made_up,2018/12/09,"Suicide seems like the only option I literally can't think of anything else that will make everything better. I want to die so I don't have to find new friends and watch me fuck it up and lose them again. I want to die so I don't have to keep seeing my old best friends get closer to each other and keep me completely cut out. I want to die so I don't have to torture the 1 person I have with my mental health. I want to die because I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I don't want to go to work where everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit because my old best friends also work there. 

I'm worthless. I can't get better. There are no other options. I can't find even one thing to make this seem doable. ",2.0749166666666667,3.0006173250000043,3.548750000000002,93.36791666666667,75.75,6.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.35558333333333403,572,16,136,4,12,189,81,160,0.21899999999999997,0.561,0.22,-0.7841,0,0,0,0,0,5,11.0,0,0,1,7,9,15,4,0,4,0,15,4,1,2,0,26,38,7,5,7,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,7,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,0,3,20,8,18,37,4,9,0,2,2,1,5,4,2,4,5,81,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328259188836595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065624353325544,0.0,0.0,0.08570027253978259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269684080287317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858192208321928,0.18421087386268564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919126238220564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439547063908413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432333228980909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699756204239703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878503355856327,0.0,0.0,0.09951246904997664,0.09359642029785346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265749636774345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903684246185048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138034126918256,0.09627791545234496,0.108820148949036,0.0,0.05918649193664144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069843779168018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851329941670262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087868702314873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650864018321393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390316416175643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495098445236488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005813211848098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185597349723144,0.0,0.0705695449919347,0.07920494260895407,0.11081479262826578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090933074566483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298796184097995,0.1896145505381837,0.0,0.0,0.10690061572156104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391481726962747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918754336016425,0.1334604131233031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299809536838918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163372809176215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,artstackfan,2018/12/09,"Group work and BPD I have to do a lot of group work for university and man this is killing me. Everytime I have to explain to new people that I am quite unbalanced and getting my work done is easier when no one is involved in the beginning because I am too self conscious but still keeps being such a drag to endure the arguments until either me or them give up. 

Any advice what could I change (btw I do my work always and never poorly)",4.368674242424241,5.23357003409091,5.550454545454548,81.39151515151516,70.25,8.593939393939394,27.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.9910166666666669,345,11,68,6,6,115,64,88,0.11699999999999999,0.861,0.022000000000000002,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,0,4,0,12,0,0,0,1,13,17,8,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,11,0,9,14,2,8,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,6,54,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699534671549146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774237700859787,0.0,0.0,0.1370908490121535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288984566791522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539006156103394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325974657156024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609564240019585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630067810866187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532455685260247,0.1933873568984338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918603087530705,0.22303391849102344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138802980737086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548173888959574,0.1947007642196986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660532769618414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975991292019527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442005881391413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030653265381893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099324766893433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5870514006611952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,okokay410,2018/12/09,"I feel like it's obvious I have a PD I don't want to go back to therapy. It's very obvious. Yet my psychologist won't tell me, and says they don't believe in diagnosis. I'm in dbt now. My traits like up with a PD and I unintentionally show attachment. I fucking don't want to go back because I feel like I'm being lied to",-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000055,3.0994444444444436,87.09000000000002,91.5,7.088888888888889,21.88888888888889,8.167268648758528,1.3748222222222215,252,10,61,7,9,95,42,72,0.079,0.769,0.152,0.6864,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,9,15,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,3,10,3,8,13,0,9,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,7,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827811115192039,0.0,0.15172857218981214,0.0,0.0,0.2804277322936877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517050300310911,0.3556318002517032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301062267661115,0.0,0.0,0.28291390130490685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648033707015265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979371517889157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175516388496294,0.0,0.284641547773236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537051925589445,0.29361812881159444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FoxestFox,2018/12/09,"Is this a correct way of getting diagnosed and what does it mean? Hello, first of all, I’m not asking for a diagnosis, I just want to know if this seems like a legit way of diagnosing someone and what are your experiences with mental health professionals. 

So my diagnosis sounds exactly like this: F60.31 (borderline features, disharmonious childhood). Does this mean I have a full blown borderline or just some of its characteristics?

So I went to psychiatrist’s clinic, told him I’ve been having severe panic attacks that lead to derealization. I started to have these panic attacks once when I got terribly stoned with my friends and I have been having them ever since for no obvious reason, they seem to come out of a thin air. I haven’t been smoking ever since, can’t even smell it.

He asked me if I feel depressed, if my mood is down most of the time. I told him that it’s not the same all the time, at times I feel fine, even happy, at other times I can be pretty low and I’m a bit moody. I also lost weight, but that was on purpose, I was on a diet plan.

He started to question me on a history of ED then, I confessed that I was binge eating at middle school and had bulimia at highschool, but I haven’t been struggling with them since 17, and they’re not an issue for me anymore. 

I also told him that I used to self harm at middle school and the beginning of high school because I was bullied, but I haven’t done that in years. 

He told me that he sees a lot of suffering and I should seek out a therapist. A therapist could also help me with being impulsive, which caught my attention. I said that I don’t think I’m an impulsive person, his reaction was just: “Of course you’re not”. That honestly angered me. 

I left the clinic after a 10 minute consultation with this diagnosis. Does it seem legit?

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bpd,Oresamaaa,2018/12/09,"How can I stop getting so upset every time I have to leave my boyfriend? I love him so much but every time he's like ""I think I'm gonna head to bed soon"" I just get so defensive and feel like he doesn't want me. Obviously this is not the case. He's literally not doing anything wrong yet I still feel hurt for some weird reason. We had a good day but then that happened and then I started freaking out because I felt like we were leaving things on a bad note and I was overreacting because I felt like I ruined the entire vibe today when we were finally doing good. I feel like we always end our hang outs on a bad note and it's always my fault. Please, what can I do? Are there any skills I could use for when I feel like this? I'm tired of feeling this way. ",0.8734259259259289,2.8001537962963,2.562453703703703,94.72479166666668,82.0246913580247,5.284567901234569,19.384259259259263,6.322622252153567,-0.14932222222222213,593,15,137,5,16,195,101,162,0.196,0.593,0.21100000000000002,0.4075,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,5,0,0,1,11,19,1,1,5,0,14,3,1,3,1,32,32,14,0,2,5,0,7,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,10,0,2,9,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,6,7,24,9,9,24,2,21,0,2,0,1,10,4,0,1,21,82,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121993751155128,0.0,0.0,0.08671211477151956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493100568889764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293336167268967,0.15545951430887855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180746571956732,0.0,0.0,0.08223429496944794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293724027257278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486768380715365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32236793928291585,0.2732824780890252,0.2448618532963369,0.13968249023650875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323887229340373,0.0,0.0,0.21390100103822365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275789718859733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086346867903373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650357555656967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700322923562609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737737329825677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150840038965277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373554007681667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996921045739086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110294140591253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902532150374544,0.0,0.10183075726718062,0.10660522795799036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471289869651405,0.08170414721950355,0.0,0.0,0.1487058287457441,0.14655558008455058,0.12086588405026187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012889671284007,0.0,0.0,0.07520951894319135,0.10121260273658902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394136830999012,0.0,0.0
bpd,lauramona,2018/12/09,"Told my mom I wish I wasn't born today. She's been an amazing, supportive, understanding mom, but man. Life has always been so shitty for me. She seemed hurt, of course. But it still felt good to say. I'm 26, in a serious, long term relationship(6 years) and people wonder why we aren't going to have kids. Well for one, I'd hate bring a kid into this world, just for me to commit suicide. And two, I hate living in this shitty world, so why would I force another being into a world I loathe so much. I am trying to hold on. But honesty, only for my loved ones. I hope some day it'll be worth it, like my therapist says. But boy, every day is a struggle and I hate being alive. ",0.6636666666666713,2.7845789857142904,2.7157142857142884,92.21595238095242,84.14285714285714,5.447619047619049,16.476190476190478,6.742157984588678,-0.2214666666666667,518,10,114,6,15,174,95,140,0.257,0.54,0.203,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,0,0,6,13,3,1,5,0,13,2,0,0,1,21,28,10,1,3,5,2,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,4,5,6,0,1,4,0,1,2,2,6,1,3,5,3,16,7,14,18,3,18,0,1,0,1,13,8,0,4,9,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660071109961595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694019357902732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074656939952927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180669109444988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454830486649952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964001364648747,0.11753573172588128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150528097186532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391822906547142,0.0,0.0,0.15001376859731014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897908833282094,0.06846121802887954,0.0,0.12373876396551448,0.12401205013768694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126474233802257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282408562154803,0.0,0.0,0.10301284461666034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991358812752127,0.1065763910623202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714960238628244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044888811763335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287653447791472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757053930987255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190927120027724,0.0,0.0,0.1464959668541983,0.0,0.1532812184848181,0.15901967112337645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270358013656852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282836502485054,0.13390174233707966,0.0,0.09514015318050567,0.0,0.1368882044626512,0.14588193033876715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125995131251792,0.0,0.2528939332491787,0.0,0.16114441626677564,0.0,0.1519667350154825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995454631088294,0.0,0.0,0.09024015150944407
bpd,EmptyVoid7,2018/12/09,"DAE Change voice depending on who you're talking to? It's really annoying.

If I start a convo off assuming a certain identity and maintain the same ""identity"" through the conversation it can go okay, but other times I kind of switch during talking at some point, depending who I'm talking to. It results in some cringey phone calls etc.

Not sure if it's my social anxiety or whatever,  but it sucks that the advise ""be yourself"" doesn't apply when you don't have a stable self..",5.821465201465203,6.80161028571429,6.66346153846154,74.3023717948718,67.021978021978,10.462271062271064,34.946886446886445,10.504223727775694,3.9451523809523823,380,18,67,10,6,126,69,91,0.13699999999999998,0.8290000000000001,0.034,-0.8431,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,6,1,5,0,0,3,2,16,9,7,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,8,8,4,9,0,0,0,0,12,5,1,8,3,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905694659287275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523515961069729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614351595009618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756199017029624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045203137501813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25735218485439776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23362165043968006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583204632801959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578148140581987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25192214129407603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749228217699568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23292100954191056,0.0,0.0,0.5959112000590401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410590895321962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zero0The0Hero,2018/12/09,Do you get periods of mania? Because I do. And I'm not sure if that's BPD talking or something else is going on too.,-0.7928205128205157,1.138609461538465,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,89.0,5.005128205128205,24.051282051282055,6.42735559955562,0.7982974358974362,90,4,20,1,3,33,24,26,0.08199999999999999,0.9179999999999999,0.0,-0.2411,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628465005677191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5430626748894302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36019991265216955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527647457026864,0.0,0.2450524902683719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319474387793983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063869554984643,0.0,0.0,0.34657033703644874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,conuretrash,2018/12/09,"Anyone else love something fictional more than anything? I feel so strongly for certain games/fictional characters I cry, laugh, and obsess over it. IDK how to express how strongly I feel towards fictional beings/places. I literally fall in love with these things. For example, there is some news about the new Dragon Age game and I can't even look. I feel like crying/screaming thinking about it. I actually started to hyperventilate a bit over the memes I saw. I am so excited and scared and sad at the same time. I can't replay one of the dragon age games because it brings me such big emotions. I know if/when I play it again I will suffer emotionally for weeks. During gameplay it's all I want to do but after I get so depressed.


 In general, though, these strong emotions over fiction happen to me all the time. I think the strong emotions are part of BPD though. Anyone know how I feel? I feel like a nut lol.",3.2030016806722683,5.650786651428572,4.000705882352944,84.71447058823532,76.77142857142857,6.631932773109245,26.294117647058826,7.724431198458867,1.6150907563025214,724,28,135,11,17,231,107,175,0.096,0.705,0.19899999999999998,0.9471,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,14,17,0,2,8,1,7,2,0,3,3,26,25,13,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,9,3,0,2,2,5,0,1,1,7,20,12,21,23,7,19,0,3,2,2,5,8,0,1,11,88,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.1263159584046371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810166210852476,0.1326278263410436,0.10651909478892664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890616616028498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413162870399021,0.0,0.1630266850337396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218510185918004,0.0,0.0,0.11148753294190344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813152960858864,0.5824157998537474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549470488886603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272468500225293,0.1849456665777968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762769485631841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446444318319413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142275018443775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647688333170987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869802402798362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336515091847724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250151366824044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771272050176825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017222708891658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959324222344848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965017492808513,0.0,0.0,0.09161916160493994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599499477639587,0.1658814140812824,0.25435068248960996,0.0,0.15095643240851714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634778514456772,0.0,0.10382993874976733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NeMoubliezPas,2018/12/09,"Bpd affecting work I've apprentley alerted all my bosses that I'm not okay and im not sure how to hide it and pretend like how I use to feel.  

None of them know I have bpd.

 My GM, and two AM's have all come to me multiple times now individually asking if I'm okay and that they're worried about me and there for me. And I'm kind of getting freaked out. Then my GM went to my specific supervisor who then had a sit down talk with me about it. 

I think I'm overworking myself to avoid myself at home. But I have to work to take care of my spouse, so time off is out of the question. 

So tell me your experiences at work so I can feel like I can make sense of this . 

Tldr; all my bosses at work are alerted that I'm not okay, I'm getting freaked out making me feel worse and I have no support system and want to just get my job done and ignore it",2.387901337792641,3.0078259673913053,4.1669565217391344,90.39710702341141,74.65217391304348,7.400668896321071,23.936454849498325,7.61054688173877,0.7759252508361207,654,18,159,8,13,222,99,184,0.14300000000000002,0.792,0.065,-0.8577,2,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,4,10,13,0,1,2,3,11,0,0,8,4,41,35,18,0,2,6,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,14,0,2,6,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,3,3,24,9,25,32,4,17,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,2,7,100,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063617970757236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789345911094885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337824883804216,0.0,0.0,0.1295862127193096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539469743245722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715404712010738,0.0,0.0,0.22819298192714546,0.10747061213878137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357878364460948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089831528890504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249533971362629,0.0,0.14928327230128513,0.0,0.0,0.1566546377632934,0.0826750018377806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698963565438752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083272133672705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852134340469016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707115662946976,0.14178296717353508,0.0,0.11310820667073015,0.12091374994822017,0.13148659811871133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639251053369806,0.0,0.0,0.17543941955953427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695288718687813,0.0,0.0,0.1299273194534113,0.0,0.0,0.08873031043931366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945451608386006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380731451458987,0.15277378618273152,0.15330585751500336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Choukin,2018/12/09,"Hanging in there, still working After regular follow ups with my doctor, some medication and a lot of hard work after a relapse, every time I visit my doctor, she tries to encourage me to go on leave or explore disability. I did change jobs due to my old job being a major trigger for my symptoms. 
She says that most people with BPD have great difficulty holding and keeping a job and it would not mean that I’m weak if I chose to go this route. I did have job length problems in my early twenties, I have been steadily employed without gaps since 2005. While I’ve been tempted to say yes, that almost feels like I’m giving up and letting the BPD get the best of me. Anyone else have job related concern with their BPD?",9.360425531914892,6.709773234042557,9.14095744680851,71.38250000000002,61.34042553191489,11.102127659574473,39.102836879432616,8.841846274778883,3.4661858156028367,570,22,105,6,6,186,97,141,0.07200000000000001,0.8,0.128,0.8839,6,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,2,6,0,0,6,1,11,5,0,1,0,23,21,7,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,7,0,2,3,0,0,6,2,2,0,0,4,4,15,4,19,14,5,19,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,6,9,70,20,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766151782961155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216029661834978,0.12039492823032465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331134908723865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439698648259633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430178717841485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405370384335903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981580419872454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900070303846742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941266189608008,0.08394362204537126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139006943891291,0.11271885326056642,0.1335584589775831,0.0,0.0,0.12954663181326934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525892513048146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.583014199806223,0.1044413877127695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441790367299878,0.0,0.12015399900319924,0.0,0.05740565804177732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989620051853078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799438374717467,0.0,0.11837114255612514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329883239531847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146125666547446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243377239404193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688499112560944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719906520729933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383743876011164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212981570727405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685164996936429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797763063055425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326796400418572,0.0,0.17108605688812525,0.0,0.0,0.0834702183128737,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisIdentity,2018/12/09,"Anyone else get ""action urges""? I suddenly feel intensely restless and yearning for something, and I have this sinking feeling in my stomach like I need to desperately do something to appease it. Lately I've been feeling like I need to get in my car and get the fuck out of my state.

It's not quite like a panic attack (as I get those too), where it's more fear and anxiety based. These urges make me feel like I need to do something drastic, ASAP.",6.210000000000001,6.037504545454552,6.560363636363636,79.37554545454545,66.04545454545455,8.85818181818182,34.64545454545455,8.238735603445708,2.6684018181818185,352,15,67,4,5,114,56,88,0.17300000000000001,0.629,0.198,-0.1385,0,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,2,3,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,15,17,5,0,4,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,4,10,4,10,16,1,9,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,6,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919097444834074,0.0,0.0,0.11808321095688283,0.1730351555861476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921227580558538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410756442729998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003435768649196,0.3415585472274401,0.24129251812497915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612470778298068,0.3529265019032956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050139577220898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33002044577097683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272717277969292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756620130376475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981415883686978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962221621543845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900309007220442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thrownawayassaccount,2018/12/09,"r/bpd, please help convince me not to fuck some random dude right now i am currently on a break with my long term boyfriend because we were getting really tired of each other and we just need some time apart. it started two days ago and will probably last a week or so. but right now i feel lonely as fuck and all i want to do is text this guy i have class with and tell him to get over here and in me. i can’t be impulsive like this. it would destroy my relationship. i only want my boyfriend, and i don’t want ANYONE else but rn dick is dick. i need encouragement please.",1.7108556149732619,3.6001469915966378,2.8089228418640206,94.19236058059592,79.08403361344537,6.3440794499618045,20.902215431627198,7.348242739294969,0.3869932773109235,448,12,103,6,11,143,83,119,0.142,0.672,0.18600000000000005,-0.012,1,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,2,0,11,5,2,0,1,27,22,11,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,16,3,10,18,5,18,0,1,0,4,8,6,4,4,12,64,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053009566500072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873807911309725,0.17399477730019766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351719686159447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387511609738852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951614944857188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185802431079836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586319230693823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139810944167793,0.17744188426330887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814281576226553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138229190839996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842128687393654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296266988624304,0.0,0.0,0.15028027653771975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25183024446569785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915139700904213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728101268782151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308849392928564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087873634295537,0.0,0.0,0.18231696424668192,0.0,0.2900409007303249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201954074018409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842514828510145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902006073526368,0.1951765114180748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588385724257526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004825512128922,0.0,0.13621475649765802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063117824002526,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,underpurplesun,2018/12/09,"DAE feel like they're destined for an inevitable outcome I feel like its unavoidable; at some point in my life it will be too much, I will have so little, and will kill myself. It seems impossible to think that, unless an accident happens, that Ill be able to survive to die from natural causes. Im not getting better, 5 years of a relentlessly horrible cycle. I'm tired and I want to die. My family will be crushed, I'm not ready yet, but I dont know how long it will take to reach that tipping point. Im so fucked up.",3.235188679245283,4.487132471698119,4.605801886792452,85.6409669811321,73.33962264150944,7.941509433962264,26.45754716981132,8.472884824447931,1.6782301886792452,406,14,86,7,8,135,74,106,0.252,0.682,0.066,-0.9694,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,3,0,10,4,0,2,0,15,22,7,3,1,4,0,2,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,7,3,12,14,2,9,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,5,51,14,0,0.17727710357422866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678719184039094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211241859636892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679712901298823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776744509802209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712107599160075,0.0,0.17927326029620338,0.2532935964301383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638898256491847,0.09261996977491394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676555722406504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829793855277485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961308493168256,0.0,0.09742685992761292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521606096128246,0.1732172763879712,0.17767823014753406,0.0,0.1568846580780753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303190688920264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351683278028139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138641703160472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329031948006478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359200983465813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375395204313906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045626287794551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416064244365295
bpd,kooter_rooter,2018/12/09,"need help getting over an fp my former fp is no longer interested in contacting me and this is nothing new, but i still can’t come to terms with it. it’s been months really and i still catch myself thinking abt him and wishing he’d still talk to me and feeling lonely because i can’t talk to him anymore and i receive no satisfaction from talking to anyone because it’s not him, what do i do? ",4.870370370370374,5.093726407407409,6.0242962962962965,80.72533333333331,68.87654320987653,8.455308641975309,32.24938271604938,8.238735603445708,2.327467160493826,313,13,63,4,5,105,54,81,0.09300000000000001,0.765,0.142,0.4588,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,13,14,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,1,13,1,8,12,1,12,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,7,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429781502861056,0.1510913451571983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634462783556283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861377108031775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925884368391732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128952614899343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483692243109125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724766303311745,0.0,0.0,0.16022395962522942,0.0,0.20869580984455652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073389584718792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384292991721746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176962145437879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5210417408078745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845825781001592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848657429189386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPFthrowaway11262729,2018/12/09,"I realized I have BPD after finishing my psychiatry clerkship I always felt strange, but I didn't think about it too much because I assumed that was how life was and how everyone else felt. After recent developments in my life and just finishing my psychiatry clerkship, I realized that I have BPD.

I moved to the US when I was less than a year old. My family wasn't too happy together. My father often beat my mother, my sister, and myself up. We were too scared, and we never called the police. My mother often beat us up for little things, but today, I forgive her. She was under immense stress from my father and the struggles of being an immigrant. Overall, I'd usually stay in my room, staring at the ceiling and finding little faces, animals, or shapes in the ceiling paint. At some point, I developed some OCD tendencies involving symmetry and order. Luckily, these disappeared when I got a little older.

Things got better for my family when my father disappeared with another woman. It was hard financially, but we made due. Our family was poor, and whenever I talked to my classmates about my family or my situation, I felt ashamed. I'd often tell white lies so that I would not be embarrassed. Sometimes, I'd say a lie so many times that even I started to believe them a little bit. Even with these lies, I still felt as if I didn't belong.

I wasn't a loner, but I felt like the guy who was on the edge of every social circle, never at the center of any. I always had a chronic self of emptiness and loneliness, so I turned to video games. It was nice finding other people on the Internet who I could not only play video games with but also talk to somewhat anonymously.

I was a pretty crappy student in high school. I got mostly Cs, but I met a math teacher who somehow made me want to study harder, at least in math. She'd make fun of me jokingly and sometimes call me a 'loser' playfully. I didn't realize it then, but in retrospect, I was so motivated not because she as inspirational or because I liked math but rather because of her jests. When I ended up really doing well in math, I decided to major in mathematics.

I decided to go to college in the opposite coast and felt really good. It would be a new start and I would make new friends. If I played my cards right, I'd be a normal kid who was liked by his friends. Unfortunately, I felt the same sense of loneliness and feeling lost all the time. It was at this time I met my first girlfriend. She was 4-years-older and more experienced than me. I never felt so much happier in my life, even when she cheated on me multiple times every winter and summer break back in her home country. Sometimes, she'd lash out and break our furniture, and I was still okay.

I think a lot about why I put up with so much with her. In retrospect, I realized that it was very nice having someone else to call my own and to fill my void, even if things weren't as great. We dated for 2 years, and then I had to move back home due to financial stresses. In fact, my moving across the country to school was probably a very impulsive and poorly thought out idea.

My girlfriend and I decided to do a LDR, but she continuously cheated on me. She had a weird thing where she'd always admit to me a week or after doing so, presumably because of guilt. I'd immediately fly out the next day to see her and rekindle things. I was a very pathetic thing for me to do for someone who obviously didn't love me, but I was so desperate to avoid abandonment at the time. She made me feel whole, and I couldn't imagine life without her.

Still, we broke up. I entered a period where I was hypomanic for a year. I wouldn't sleep a lot, would go to the gym, study hard, and feel really energized. I had very grandiose ideas about how I would do x, y, and z and become the person I was meant to be. I would be perfect, and no one would be able to reject me. Soon, I met my next girlfriend. Things were very good, and I got very comfortable. Things ended very poorly when she left me for someone else. I think it was at this point where my desires to find someone to complete me became a desire to find someone who nurtured me.

I met a few people here and there, but I met the right girl serendipitously at a coffee shop. She fit the description of a very caring and nurturing person. She was perfect in every way. We had very good memories. Unfortunately, I did many things that she tolerated for 4 years until she couldn't take it anymore. She always said many things to me but I didn't listen. She said that I sometimes get angry out of nowhere, making her feel anxious all the time. Whenever I have random mood swings or periods of decreased mood, she said that she doesn't know what to do. Sometimes, she said that she doesn't really know who I am when she observes me interact with other people because I act very fake. I often got tired of her even though I knew that she was perfect and that I needed her to make me whole.

A few months ago, we broke up, and I flew back to her to ask for her back 6 times. Every time, she gave a solid no and told me that she cannot consider me until I get help and became a different person many years down the road. Today, I am over her, but I feel so empty. A few weeks ago, I had some active suicidal thoughts for the first time, and being in medicine, I realized that something wasn't right in my head. I recently was on psychiatry clerkship, and I had such an easy time identifying other people with BPD and relating to their stories. Then I realized that I fit the criteria, and even though it doesn't cause me significant distress in my professional life, it causes me a lot of distress in my interpersonal relationships.

I always share too much to other people: it gives me a form of release and temporary sense of camaraderie. I always regret it after because I realize that it scares people. I feel like a loner in school and as if I'm lost in this world. I work very hard, but I don't really understand why. I think it may be because I want to be seen as someone likable. I still hide things that I am embarrassed about including who I really am, what my family is like, and what my childhood was like. In medical school where everyone is a child of a doctor or someone powerful, I feel like I don't belong sometimes. I don't have active suicidal or parasuicidal behavior, but I often think that the world would be better off without me or that no one would notice if I died. I make people worry about me often so that I'll feel as if someone cares about me. When I'm alone, I can't stop thinking about why certain people do certain things or why people are the way they are. Most of all, I split everyday from really liking someone's acquaintance to thinking ""fuck that guy"" in my head when they don't respond to my text message or pick up my call.

Well, there's my wall of text. I know what I have to do, but to be honest, I feel that being in medical school doesn't allow anytime to seek and spend time on psychiatric health. I'll probably just suffer quietly like I did most of my life, but I feel that at least being more cognizant will help, and with my recent insight, perhaps it'll get better on its own. One thing that I do know for sure is that I want to try being single for a long time because I tend to hurt people if they get too close to me. I don't know how long that'll last though because I've always been called a chronic dater.",5.614263179037143,5.756728152277361,6.515472390457948,78.12273704499107,67.27328348062542,9.759103269266424,30.312102156850628,9.602654691273496,2.6333466349422157,5836,200,1141,113,88,1943,481,1471,0.136,0.725,0.139,0.7266,2,2,1,0,0,1,165.0,11,0,5,16,75,75,3,12,62,1,116,19,4,17,14,238,205,115,3,29,42,6,21,9,5,14,13,7,3,10,76,63,0,3,59,10,5,12,34,27,2,5,81,33,221,46,162,89,34,185,0,10,4,2,120,80,1,37,96,825,297,15,0.02933271730145195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200336810569959,0.0,0.0,0.03037984883962131,0.0,0.02345736342835225,0.17085019412859015,0.0,0.0,0.01994725362672337,0.03075791165730858,0.0,0.03313762132460736,0.02909017362677753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02742213105108344,0.0,0.0,0.090220196016932,0.0,0.17880952210526324,0.03239568170489717,0.0,0.03304792767295537,0.0,0.07782721426544008,0.0320237301860109,0.0,0.11083059180219194,0.0,0.1497599197959237,0.0,0.05981332042391953,0.06026556147488338,0.0,0.0,0.030754796012271674,0.0,0.0,0.02341978794027936,0.0,0.0,0.01891717602427946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03044272952008985,0.03064644642938617,0.0,0.03002327909169208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735111642398659,0.0,0.05196016223465765,0.0,0.0,0.11624389880498108,0.0,0.09885631774478716,0.05605733681504321,0.0,0.0,0.1382613766341095,0.0,0.14831503217154884,0.041910598202222635,0.2253120687498585,0.0,0.10723828882618996,0.04990078870397889,0.0,0.0,0.045324769248300936,0.027117624484082798,0.06130053650699479,0.02813861526171413,0.033340918430301236,0.07380867477333512,0.1173002681034608,0.03233942437843964,0.0,0.0580880036233642,0.0,0.0312252230070575,0.07882905950776813,0.0,0.0602076608808721,0.03117930683174412,0.0,0.0,0.039322204200038506,0.03099162630691651,0.058846214193875174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031401280544893516,0.06622613488543623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060247156024368,0.02391007958630972,0.0,0.0,0.031870083174400037,0.0,0.12431139420914875,0.12897435618637368,0.11759635486954308,0.0,0.05191706353000365,0.0,0.0,0.06404025192878023,0.07481288190539191,0.026473922590305076,0.08326597903820138,0.09789908285500944,0.11895508556657032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059099253445680136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02341309509957219,0.09352810911613026,0.08625168912910776,0.02174983820551526,0.06786959966262505,0.05665944230694622,0.06239135524503316,0.0,0.02873983502984078,0.0,0.033395493063644296,0.061559505027437976,0.0,0.059629825140463014,0.0223088532906186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335612843281448,0.07683659199593497,0.0,0.0,0.05545779804397448,0.0,0.0,0.029841918797799957,0.063251260843625,0.0,0.0,0.029487482638841024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153902867324346,0.0,0.08688755882940404,0.031492360918755104,0.0,0.07514994091258664,0.11160852511341796,0.02332655412717937,0.058734334305319776,0.14843137954053462,0.02337437796954581,0.0,0.030600421373352237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03297120323950967,0.02935390103908473,0.02990101133263702,0.2236816456312928,0.022581758845565528,0.1740648446806516,0.0,0.04152369656127018,0.0312647738011232,0.09370058371022057,0.024523465096149784,0.06720105712781296,0.030664924939207132,0.0,0.06417046367024201,0.0,0.02764573891816827,0.0,0.022054552908982263,0.04715305412664728,0.025638087813318937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533356018670284,0.13156654590489986,0.08645773745500868,0.0465738020820708,0.2052497201512872,0.03371364352098904,0.05560797243433351,0.02802866840752161,0.0,0.01991498959755332,0.031905573322168305,0.0,0.03053639318464785,0.07056729454284888,0.0,0.032305844012463364,0.2662282011880302,0.051903589946687784,0.04656589133657354,0.047057872993984534,0.0,0.05274727114347213,0.0,0.10587285980896856,0.06549786267069131,0.0,0.056551385476283564,0.0,0.021354567546433983,0.02978879826360565,0.0,0.18753408696759946,0.0,0.0,0.09444654115610822
bpd,TheChessMoon,2019/07/14,Getting feelings for someone with bpd? Recently spent an amazing weekend with a life long friend and we hit it off and it brought back many old feelings for me. She entrusted me with the information that she has bpd. I didn’t have enough time or knowledge to know what it fully entailed or how it personally affected her. But she has essentially ghosted me and she let me know she was going to just take a break from all social media and contact from everyone. I’m at a struggle of how to handle the situation. Any advice?,4.5078,6.409990780000001,5.4510000000000005,78.24550000000002,71.2,8.200000000000001,32.5,8.841846274778883,2.9045,418,20,75,8,8,137,71,100,0.038,0.872,0.09,0.7399,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,6,0,6,1,0,3,1,22,17,9,1,0,4,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,6,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,2,12,2,13,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,2,6,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955522769729093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608660368609485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387782560940472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504081384004801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067746312436728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912206241922598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237060581392374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461010385895493,0.0,0.10455301232792713,0.0,0.1137312543837177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995843254619346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463346358537185,0.1413487436581449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709748372798886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288749881156587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998940807966332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473467842096782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975916585634361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494019238305968,0.0,0.20399435206391464,0.1695587106905375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092060172972904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046327967564388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668998752744715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OrdinaryWelcome,2019/07/14,"DAE act rude/mean towards your SO when other people are around? I have no idea why I do this , and as mindful as I want to be, it literally happens without fail every time around people who are my friends or family (not his really). I’ll make jokes at his expense and stuff like that. It’s not just this relationship either, it’s been all of them. When we’re alone, I’m usually pretty sweet though. Does anyone else do this or is it just me?",2.1976666666666667,4.04331271111111,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,77.44444444444444,6.722222222222222,21.25,7.645422480735847,0.7256666666666667,344,9,73,5,8,114,69,90,0.044000000000000004,0.762,0.19399999999999998,0.9203,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,8,5,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,17,12,10,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,9,4,9,10,2,9,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,5,52,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785636723721027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403284997439465,0.2056326516665503,0.0,0.3573168253053276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562690539767284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765239826065909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909165013751065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919453897282745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505412702267565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747125639207836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655681873399086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804796478810998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396345601007648,0.0,0.0,0.21861240265873752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264169040167185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27826910090705553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417589519434334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856842232244645,0.0,0.0,0.2154680811893442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974430361309275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971788527961023,0.0,0.11702510829991447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103386400675445,0.0,0.11837333040334275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109329760889092,0.0,0.0,0.19345990839824664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,simplyzozo,2019/07/14,"impulses you’re proud of? what’s something you did impulsively that you’re actually proud of/ don’t regret? 

mine is the eyebrow piercing i got right after the guy i liked blocked me out of nowhere. a year later and it’s still one of my favorite piercings. 

another is the tongue piercing i got when i was ghosted by a guy i was hooking up with. it looks badass asf and i would have never done it if nothing had prompted me to
do something impulsive",0.7473354735152498,3.262618348314607,2.2690609951845917,90.11733146067421,95.8539325842697,4.790048154093099,26.581861958266447,6.5431188927421005,1.3629704654895662,359,18,69,5,14,116,63,89,0.07400000000000001,0.785,0.141,0.782,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,0,11,0,0,0,1,9,14,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,1,11,3,10,6,0,9,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,7,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.23560805007757965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25316813882555433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24707425972089125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861990487567485,0.0,0.0,0.4781219196305473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795410587083732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274658730356399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862113876137126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166567275485844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360421363562808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618619891650056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371740573419644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928121994194935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151018390510167,0.0,0.0,0.15547775355757235
bpd,mehmehmehimamuppet,2019/07/14,Dose this sound BPD I've always felt like there is something fundamentally wrong with me I think I might have BPD but I'm not sure  . It feels like il acting .as if I was a configuration of the people around me . I feel like I could be anything and anyone I can be the nicest person and hold those sorts if values but at the same time I can be the nastiest person in the world . I dont feel like I'm me when I speak like the real me is in my head unable to show anyone me but I dont really know who that is I cant peace it together.,1.0861538461538487,2.4759952649572696,3.3952222222222237,91.55950000000004,79.25641025641025,6.389401709401709,16.828205128205127,7.1686216300943375,-0.2215805128205126,414,6,100,5,10,143,72,117,0.10400000000000001,0.713,0.183,0.8668,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,7,0,15,2,1,0,1,23,23,9,0,3,6,0,4,5,0,1,1,2,0,2,6,4,0,1,6,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,6,17,6,8,16,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,7,64,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913052660028487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702493721296084,0.0,0.1277081613829341,0.1381520177984523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909127887965856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123906601073182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637630895067038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354062074084312,0.3326033386013193,0.14900675387599746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926973030966432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528837506637542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790900180794545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463208412705382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758921791164157,0.2710118747030124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664021537083913,0.09941869909894063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119472857394921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462647549261267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099439496936675,0.0,0.0,0.09049254722836324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967592203488446,0.0,0.0
bpd,Stellar_Chick,2019/07/14,Is it manipulative to set boundaries about things that aren’t necessarily bad but make you uncomfortable? Ok so I wanna set a boundary with my current and all future if I have any partners about no weed. I personally don’t think it’s bad but I just don’t wanna be with someone who does it even when I’m not with them cause it makes me anxious. But I’ve told my boyfriend not to do weed and he’s fine with it but I feel like I’m being too controlling or like I’m getting something but not giving anything. I kinda wanna day something like “I’ll break up with you if you smoke weed” but I know that that is manipulative but I feel like if I don’t say it then he won’t take me seriously as to how much I oppose weed. I know I’m probably being unreasonable towards myself but I want to get other people’s opinions on my actions.,2.2510019267822727,3.997651248554917,4.323028901734105,84.61074759152217,76.97687861271677,6.694258188824662,24.828131021194604,7.554174236665415,1.1570149518304431,658,23,139,9,15,226,95,173,0.11800000000000001,0.769,0.113,-0.2153,2,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,1,8,9,0,0,1,1,12,0,0,7,1,43,29,19,0,7,16,0,2,4,1,1,0,1,0,2,12,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,1,3,22,6,18,24,2,12,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,6,9,92,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340557048521668,0.0,0.0,0.20500902733836607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933404233936445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30303912021741997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186419296951646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353361944501605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170328980084736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588052951198057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198589783828376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183512993810264,0.2592838782374053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896207823958516,0.17408220369664298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994619243640556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546275771087735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422647728009356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340105737703414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580819149607786,0.15845228031283226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565495266625765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431193252901522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153758627643976,0.27940837220450604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644257673062052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056035789976255,0.11627841075261865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340200708819828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703548881905088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunflowerschizo,2019/07/14,"How can I stop thinking he hates me Every single time my boyfriend is quieter than usual I instantly isolate, split and spiral into self destruction. Which just makes it worse. And the worst part is I know this and I still can’t stop. It’s hell. 

We live together and he’s been really quiet today and not spending much time with me. He’s just got in the shower and I feel like I’m breaking. I’m so emotionally devastated and I just know he’s thinking of leaving me  so I’ve just been hiding behind my phone all day, no doubt making it worse. But I can’t open up to him because the idea of being emotionally vulnerable right now feels so painful, I feel like a raw scab I’ve picked off. I can’t stand the idea of opening up and being met with rejection or even worse more disinterest. He’s so supportive and I love him so much but right now I just can’t believe that, even though I know it 90% of the time. Right now he’s just “the cause of all my problems” and he’s deliberately hurting me because he resents me and wants me to be in pain, even though I know that isn’t true at all. This is hell. I know exactly what my brain is doing and yet I can’t stop it. I feel like a helpless passenger in a car crash.",0.9223393353828158,3.0969115691699614,2.849424681598596,91.3232835602401,83.50592885375494,5.961586883326013,21.2280778802518,7.242747475848597,0.5861923290879818,949,30,210,14,27,317,123,253,0.245,0.6990000000000001,0.057,-0.9923,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,0,22,19,5,1,9,0,17,5,1,5,5,57,38,23,0,2,10,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,1,1,11,18,0,3,13,0,1,1,8,13,0,0,4,5,29,6,19,31,9,30,2,3,0,1,15,13,2,2,17,133,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756940639363532,0.0,0.0,0.11788814337574405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680759154262794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748926864761907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674811074837666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354012413639884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733187182704227,0.0,0.08815974692289534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162699156747525,0.22425442188331565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836864021311106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330568875935632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120142448776827,0.2362410182525521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28752410189729755,0.0,0.0,0.11079366675029363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335855593688838,0.0,0.09239488039862127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443743683203046,0.0,0.13968974067211895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383795914642692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267865738731946,0.0,0.0,0.11330982528211556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012184374078356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703204779777823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26807390456230235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915743032117724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356187985624428,0.2624393696876933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187388900907983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409214105713932,0.20560728749071425,0.0,0.183041041759688,0.0,0.09918202272842988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152409920677826,0.0,0.061716606599393174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198969072955247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psychedelicats,2019/07/14,"Stop using my BPD as an excuse to not let me break up with you! We’ve been dating six months. He’s horrible for me. He does a lot of drugs and that’s something I can’t have around me at all. He uses me, has no regard for my time or space and my anxiety has increased ten-fold since we’ve been together. I still haven’t gotten over my ex-husband and I finally got an awesome job with career potential and I need to focus on getting over certain things in my life, giving 100% at work and just taking care of myself. 

This is not impulse, I’ve wanted out for 2 months. When I try to talk to him about it, he just uses my diagnosis against me and says I’m not thinking and pushing him away and I really don’t want this. We end up fighting and I just give in and am so confused at the end how I let this happen. I feel so trapped, he won’t let me out. I’ve never had someone use this against me so badly and I don’t know what to do.",1.619168719211821,2.7218375763546803,3.657632389162561,91.43699045566505,77.17733990147784,6.4543103448275865,23.03232758620689,6.9077264865688965,0.5491086206896547,720,21,168,7,16,246,120,203,0.11699999999999999,0.8,0.083,-0.8386,1,1,2,0,2,0,19.0,1,1,0,1,12,5,1,1,4,0,17,2,0,5,3,41,36,18,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,17,0,1,3,0,0,2,10,3,0,1,5,2,28,2,30,27,3,29,0,0,0,0,15,15,0,3,11,116,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374736555201687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072873399892473,0.0,0.0,0.12741753444141565,0.0,0.11323532894680365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080606873311094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827154515764573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868018768325166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727377373721296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023451190831785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857251369133116,0.0,0.0,0.14856284243849804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085478486849907,0.2601942031145152,0.0,0.0,0.10846606878280236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992651108497765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457989567402442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453208219955737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160356468858373,0.09579097340512792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529753690805213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649791808221489,0.0,0.0,0.10055899636706107,0.10459692866707032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688033565709967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107848842348458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218457508889833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490865448119697,0.10440532863997352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830467527935744,0.11338268423928505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196782545670267,0.10900457635162962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009854420729163,0.08689851053908543,0.0,0.0,0.0790799210704007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207569029559963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685214847637074,0.0,0.0,0.15998196901721906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873148756469764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skootiee,2019/07/14,"Hi all - currently going through a 40 day period of space after a surprise breakup initiated by my BPD ex and looking for some support on how to handle the meetup with care Some background:

We dated for 1.5 years and had an incredibly loving, supportive and growth oriented relationship. We went through a really difficult period at the start after getting pregnant/having an abortion within the first six weeks of dating, but went to therapy and worked through things as well as we could. He has also gotten sober in the last few years, and has been working through family trauma/abuse in somatic-style therapy, and while its been somewhat productive in some way, he would express sometimes that he was getting triggered and then somehow tying me into the feelings and wanting to be upset with me about the abortion (like ""i realized mom rejected me ... it must be that you rejected me too by doing that"" - even though he consented at the time). I've always tried to be very supportive and thought he would work through this eventually, but on father's day last month, he got upset after a dream about his abusive father, and after crying about it for a long while, said ""i actually think I must be upset about the abortion too... I need space!"". 

After a week of being apart, he broke up with me, saying we needed to ""start all over"" and he needed to work on himself... it has been confusing, because he's said there are no problems within the relationship itself and thinks that in 40 days when we meet up things will be ""just the same"" between us, and that he's not worried because our connection is so strong that we'll definitely be ""just as close"" again one day, but also that we needed to be completely broken up and separated for some unknown period of time. During the whole breakup he wept and kept saying he didn't want to breakup but his body was forcing him to, and he was wavering back and forth between being completely ""othering"" towards me and being extra lovey and even asking to go on a last date ""for now"" the day of the breakup.

He does very much have the push-away tendency (has done it out of nowhere to his best friend and sister for long periods of time, but never to me), but I don't want to neglect my needs or feelings about how hurtful it can be and need to set boundaries for that kind of action - I know it's painful for everyone involved! 

My father and brother are BPD folk but this is my first partner with BPD and I don't want to assume I know how to handle it because my experiences with them have been very different.

We have been no contact for some time but are due to meet up August 1st. What do you think would be the most effective way to communicate with him without him perceiving it as blame or threat? As much as it pains me, I know 40 days is not enough to ""fix"" this situation, and we will likely have to wait further to be friends or ever remotely consider dating again. The whole relationship he had always been the one pushing things forward, wanting to move in together, and talking marriage and kids, so this has come as a real shock to me and has been pretty tough.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and support on this subreddit, I appreciate it! ",12.063074380165286,7.7700752991735555,11.050371900826454,64.81737603305788,57.991735537190074,14.173553719008265,44.52479338842976,11.567385478589935,5.001661157024794,2536,103,456,48,22,816,274,605,0.133,0.7709999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.9792,2,2,0,0,1,0,75.0,11,4,1,9,29,34,1,4,27,0,57,4,1,5,6,115,101,58,0,18,16,7,2,2,3,8,2,4,0,2,30,46,0,3,13,1,0,10,9,17,1,5,22,7,47,17,96,57,18,90,0,6,1,1,67,28,0,13,53,349,77,4,0.0,0.15250713320679427,0.0628040093529968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029339503884319,0.10710182729128644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060165932240825074,0.0,0.060466348918442575,0.04948723888559913,0.0,0.11769590303859186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753962686968565,0.0,0.0,0.07148709874869051,0.24316949926901346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561715019559207,0.0,0.0,0.05543861693361488,0.1349560301865472,0.0,0.0,0.05138453213882035,0.0,0.07069411165306037,0.24903305919098298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724028908831553,0.0,0.0,0.056320016468857474,0.06586045813496688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649889632448708,0.0,0.08501554852272616,0.05821538906558271,0.0,0.06149671449917719,0.0,0.12590871632607134,0.06067088369313561,0.0,0.06508255802078983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948556355209686,0.0,0.0,0.0994454803802188,0.0,0.0672486744180364,0.0,0.07315213523659114,0.0,0.05147287765051069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889644404440104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701883071963037,0.10610822696389342,0.15738079133049088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288402086343978,0.0,0.0,0.11390940115740555,0.05404441215445937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058085501442245176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537517387501197,0.05136984761267116,0.06840224373531148,0.09462089715295076,0.286323325335484,0.0496367663391608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872211332335918,0.0,0.13696264859278126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547510333824688,0.0,0.06158180160426631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325335974933413,0.04122930735572338,0.0,0.0,0.20728884085759988,0.0,0.0,0.12243816767856598,0.10235994222428332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234095615367699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365159118533723,0.0,0.09110568062853948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921302484685985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172842793010665,0.0,0.059252091234005176,0.14719769442661346,0.0,0.12826955179202626,0.1237137968910832,0.0632312925610204,0.051092969671967886,0.15011039480078078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043694777494537165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741460818588794,0.0,0.0,0.15930597891008166,0.1897997320710665,0.10216858265576753,0.10324802228824456,0.0,0.0578654652257813,0.11932080326449318,0.0,0.14370655438932353,0.0,0.06203870188557841,0.0,0.1874132191458704,0.0653585534444776,0.0,0.13715397912630856,0.0,0.0,0.08288873224321043
bpd,KaelybC,2019/07/14,How do you deal with the stigma associated with BPD? It seems that a lot of folks view people with BPD as “monsters”. What has helped you to overcome this within yourself and with those around you?,4.595045045045048,6.590950486486491,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,71.16216216216216,6.014414414414415,23.144144144144143,6.42735559955562,0.4609171171171176,156,4,30,1,3,47,31,37,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,9,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,0,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723775257203599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7707151866590578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154408894477389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508475676982865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26012413767998943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212057149765248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27854293831360905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blue-velvet-bunny,2019/07/14,Suicide joke My dog ran away from my dad’s home and he didn’t tell me until he found the dog again. He said “I was scared it would trigger you and you would want to kill your self again lol”.  I love him for this sense of humor ❤️,-2.147884615384616,-0.33858501923076645,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,101.1153846153846,2.6,10.346153846153848,3.1291,-2.3078153846153846,177,2,48,0,8,56,43,52,0.19,0.612,0.198,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,7,9,3,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,1,9,3,6,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,0,3,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26625158590838005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107194178148874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842604494004196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135259294420449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557679958176581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269566104976047,0.0,0.2837200063517836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956346351448609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30997958137186105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476928877555559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714910217935713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026202464589521,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wanderingkatie1992,2019/07/14,"Dealing with life and BPD but.... how do you get past having BPD which involves the fear of losing people/ being abandoned and having the only two people in your life and the people that mean the world to you try to commit suicide within the same month. 

​

How do you move on from that, how do you convince your mind that people aren't going to abandon you when its a very real possibility that they will or can and its been shoved in your face in the realest way possible. I don't blame them but fuck dealing with the constant paranoia of coming home and they would have done something is seriously mentally draining because instead of being irrational at this point you have concrete experience that proves people can leave at any time no matter how close they are to you.",11.092899543378987,8.395513130136987,9.579452054794524,69.7229680365297,58.10958904109589,11.37716894977169,40.086757990867575,8.841846274778883,3.613053881278539,631,23,108,6,6,194,93,146,0.158,0.7959999999999999,0.047,-0.9564,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,10,4,1,6,7,1,1,8,0,19,4,1,4,2,26,24,13,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,9,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,2,0,15,1,17,18,1,19,0,3,0,1,17,10,1,1,5,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143244721762036,0.15861187834751536,0.08876691381603795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957170312879862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288034792420597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244261833990098,0.0,0.1410597965657868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691475755012165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335805755513142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276863179367574,0.0,0.14688591144346513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067565192279894,0.06819810314267227,0.0,0.0741849100691526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093523854205588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382155958616307,0.0,0.0,0.18439863155450084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603303408357818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421887002939211,0.0,0.0,0.1315465588263336,0.0,0.13180111573338152,0.0,0.10419019248274422,0.1387359175127423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927622591262293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460851531618328,0.4524757208274386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339587372573473,0.29431268131693433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857512737507542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049067800358334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278191185478134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611484000244642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862333624138584,0.0,0.12751177043573295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770339266881022,0.0,0.10361101684451793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272689556911397,0.0,0.15861187834751536,0.0
bpd,Prometheism,2019/07/14,"I really need help making sense of this I don’t have BPD but I love someone who does, and we’re long distance so it can be complicated sometimes. We’ve only recently discovered that she has it so we’ve been trying to fix the problems that have been happening in our relationship using that new frame of reference for around a month or two now.

She’s been working tirelessly to try to improve herself, learning to control her impulses, avoid splitting on me, control her moods better, etc. and she’s come a long way since then.

I work a physically and mentally demanding job in the evenings, getting home around near midnight most days, which leaves me sore and exhausted. She rarely sleeps before the early morning hours at like 4 or 5am, I have no idea why, so there’s a lot of time at night when she’s awake and I’m not, and then in the mornings I’m awake and she’s not. I’ve never ever been a night person ever in my life, and working hard late into the night makes that problem even worse.

She recently had an episode late at night around 2:30am after I got home from work and she needed me to comfort her. I was already struggling to stay awake for the last couple hours and I was in and out of sleep at this point trying to fight it off to be there for her, I tried to stay sitting up and drank a lot of cold water to keep myself physically stimulated enough to stay up but I just slumped over and passed out for good within 30 minutes.

I woke up this morning before her as usual and when she woke up she asked me why I left. I explained to her as I always have that it wasn’t by choice, that I would have stayed if I was physically able to, that I tried my best but I was just too exhausted. I told her I understand that falling asleep was the worst thing I could’ve done to her at that moment and was extremely remorseful. She said I amplified her episode by leaving and I apologized more and now she left me with an “ok.”

I don’t know what to say or do now. I tried my ass off to be there for her, I know she needed me and I really really wish I could’ve been there for her but how can she hate me for not having the superpower to just not be exhausted ever. I love her more than I love anything but this hurts so much. My own depression makes situations like this really hard for me. I feel like a total failure and a waste of her time. Is something seriously wrong with me? Am I a failure for not being able to stay up all night with her? I’m so sorry and upset with myself but there was nothing I could’ve done. I work earlier than usual today and if I drank coffee or an energy drink at that hour I’d be completely fucked at work and I can’t do that, it’s irresponsible. How am I supposed to move forward here? What do I even say? What the fuck is wrong with me? I desperately need to make this right but I don’t know how or who to ask. I’m hoping someone here can at least guide me.",2.9011140810435165,4.315742514237858,4.187950390249116,87.66093339035608,74.44388609715243,7.492911365337325,24.25991660429809,8.128838120801504,1.2198007698064792,2279,69,492,36,47,750,251,597,0.183,0.713,0.10400000000000001,-0.9947,2,1,2,0,1,0,44.0,1,0,0,10,33,31,4,3,21,1,44,18,4,11,6,96,84,50,0,11,22,0,3,3,0,1,5,3,2,1,29,34,4,4,9,1,0,5,12,18,0,1,23,7,87,12,79,54,14,83,0,2,0,6,47,35,3,11,41,350,116,8,0.11827968219278273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526228525517717,0.0,0.04920908538609058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866705018129753,0.15794099085064245,0.1105755362668169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064729783582474,0.0,0.062063614592417986,0.05230438350154828,0.0,0.0,0.07448455957262216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094373650513752,0.0620069982070037,0.0,0.13266072110472366,0.14165505258840225,0.06543710931540184,0.0,0.03814030499018836,0.0,0.05093705847786383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517536734798084,0.12104118071174325,0.0,0.057934529501812236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110726492859194,0.06595655573345792,0.11718392184912388,0.16048611627445938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02990288061173725,0.04224951429596099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934766025382073,0.030898126065938662,0.0,0.0,0.04960369284089707,0.047299533452084194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229716616921432,0.0,0.10595536274749022,0.058388349323566825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039640188872563466,0.0,0.11864416517516847,0.058739206309026265,0.17472249199842754,0.0,0.06331042305297385,0.06676168207162672,0.0,0.0,0.05868716686098612,0.05256620807803201,0.0,0.0,0.0975051300783496,0.048206863783002936,0.13342463341378272,0.1252411052042688,0.12851122078413774,0.0,0.0417722187392666,0.08667821727281028,0.0,0.0,0.10467379669607664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005571560788418,0.16012804668914615,0.0,0.1579052126409338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059599049986087435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720485693614412,0.06285629176832865,0.04347458792317791,0.17540577125907453,0.04561229130909353,0.0571176270545704,0.0,0.2774936731312868,0.0,0.056746272542322215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497851409710975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163862811535844,0.0,0.0,0.055906265522050164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317768183849372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154598627410926,0.0,0.11678691679819148,0.0634940568698418,0.0,0.05050510116171635,0.056255531770009436,0.09406075067852472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892108768919008,0.06647565925455214,0.1183651023647058,0.0,0.10021799088986837,0.04552873898722196,0.05849081504615228,0.06620221025730562,0.0,0.31517600901255777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182580255010028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039289882573789466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689698338666194,0.0,0.05605765431926433,0.056510652549814126,0.0,0.24091242037994726,0.0,0.0577710313961663,0.06156666025985974,0.0,0.051077834502274336,0.1302683595077172,0.0,0.0,0.04694245312929925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672901595129393,0.0,0.0680078986206938,0.0,0.0,0.2583270520216855,0.0,0.0602685505351969,0.04201124630994168,0.1293202646222285,0.0,0.0
bpd,sleepygreenidea,2019/07/14,"Perspective on Issue with Father I'm not sure the best place to post this on reddit.  But my dad has extreme mood shifts/impulsivity that have gone on for years (has seen a therapist for around 30+years, with no change, because he doesn't accept personal responsibility).  When he gets depressed or things don't go his way, his whole balance changes.  To the extent that he has car accidents (record was three in a year).   He to this day blames this on external conditions rather than accepting he has an emotional sensitivity that makes him vulnerable.  He was verbally abusive to my mother, is emotionally erratic and pretty self obsessed.  He is high functioning, but he has some noticeable social and attention deficiencies which perhaps fuel the way the world responds to him and fuel his emotionality.  

​

That is not to say that my dad isn't and can't be giving in his own way.  But it is often selfish and underlined by other things that my dad does.  I am trying to figure out how to emotionally protect myself given this.  My dad will be 80 next year.  He still works, for now, and is relatively healthy.  He has no retirement plans other than to keep working.  When my brother and I visited a financial counselor that he saw, we were advised that we would be his ""safety net""  (this is hard for a 33 F  millennial saddled by educational debt).  

​

I am trying to figure out the recent behavior of my dad.  My mother was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer four years ago and I thought that changed things.  My mother died from terminal colon cancer 3 years ago.  After her death, we pulled together.  There was less emotionality and instability, though it was certainly there when he had moments of loneliness.  But it seemed visits and trips were spaced enough to manage this.   His job is undergoing some transitions, but he is not focused on those.  Instead, he got another cat.  Most recently, I learned of something that brought another level of distrust.

​

My dad has set up a dating account with a profile set to look for women aged 30-65.   I, given the past drama I've been through,  did not respect his privacy and found his account.  I know it's boundary invasion that I know this.  I know this because I help manage my dad's finances (he's terrible at this) and saw the charge. The age range was disturbing and shocking, but given something he said in passing about women his own age, not completely surprising.   My dad had asked us last year about how we felt about his dating, but has not mentioned it since.  The dating age range makes me question my dad's integrity.   In spite of his instability, he at least seemed to have some respect for other people.  This completely negates that.  

​

I don't entirely know what to make of this.  Do I confront my dad?  If he feels entitled to date women who are that young, which I think is incredibly selfish and unrealistic, do I break further ties with him?  

​

My mom and dad unfortunately had a codependent relationship.  My dad may have had more instability if it weren't for him.  If I remove myself more, I may have to provide more support when he has fallen apart/is in financial straits.",5.875252440053017,7.684325773747844,6.311827127766397,73.79277744306545,67.60103626943004,9.462039603165039,32.80881230670361,9.820803871038708,3.417213728561673,2529,112,432,59,43,817,279,579,0.16,0.789,0.052000000000000005,-0.9966,2,0,2,0,0,0,94.0,5,0,0,4,18,20,3,2,17,0,54,6,2,5,2,79,86,33,2,5,18,18,3,0,0,4,4,4,0,5,41,27,0,2,18,1,4,11,15,10,0,2,28,11,56,9,60,51,15,72,0,1,4,0,77,22,0,14,31,293,97,8,0.0,0.07402549224779947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076487533886868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384711365609018,0.3795843442752408,0.0,0.13102598445089267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561812418502093,0.058407926987069037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617127561867071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556616756387168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827838719523252,0.0,0.1310127120784797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04029274872800207,0.0,0.05381168553109618,0.06341323697585892,0.06484166820529609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054674386107018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513932796235107,0.0,0.06455584641645122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031590446249502406,0.0,0.05998809335939297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850323471228552,0.0,0.0,0.03264185826676708,0.059934006684666134,0.0355073412371049,0.0,0.04996887719767405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559674707460677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187727838525748,0.06601079409812642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521016432490306,0.06199917039196087,0.05553277600210285,0.0,0.0,0.13734376121529088,0.05092741261175657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246527331350532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511243140464448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317276552297895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644541438059033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113092403084555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059641739408410034,0.04331395645273012,0.05455284817061985,0.06527557621711491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059836070467509675,0.06356196792470209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998897681813203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233777730534182,0.0670773366871646,0.0,0.0,0.0594303062535089,0.04968452917762483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375414100715517,0.0651775448822271,0.0,0.0,0.05168194366217512,0.0,0.0,0.06368783241181343,0.0,0.09619629630055906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498945253543313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089860319529159,0.058884201859729216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254106668102743,0.12452160777206632,0.04003298958389848,0.06138371968407873,0.04960006985693985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483609506462311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515260903056012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487749352634787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975377612980348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096856985834227,0.0,0.0,0.04438214617717781,0.0,0.3795843442752408,0.28163374092448296
bpd,Atnash95,2019/07/14,"Thoughts on general BPD debauchery and decadence So BPD is often confused with Bipolar Disorders, and yeah we do get our share of periods of impulsiveness and degeneracy: sex, drugs and rock and roll. Which is something in common with Bipolar’s manic episodes.

But I’d like to hear your thoughts on a theory of mine: in that our “unpredictability” is in fact very predictable.

I’ve come to realise that BPDs only ever to engage in such behaviour in harmful ways on only these two occasions:

1. When they are single and/or lack an FP (or a close connection with their desired FP) - this is all in an attempt to seek intimacy among other things

2. When their relationship is not going well and they fear their partner may leave them so they decide to burn the bridges first, or when their FP is distancing themselves - again, in an attempt to seek intimacy 


I feel as though unlike Bipolars where a manic episode can happen whenever, BPDs function very well and prosper in stable and secure environments.

What do you think?",7.941624441132639,8.70333828415301,7.534247391952308,70.67695976154995,62.33333333333333,10.370392449080976,36.85494287133631,10.230975488527342,3.932064480874317,818,37,134,17,11,258,122,183,0.066,0.851,0.083,0.5223,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,3,2,8,3,13,9,0,2,7,1,11,5,0,0,3,32,20,18,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,8,14,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,3,2,2,2,2,15,6,25,17,3,25,0,0,0,1,17,14,0,5,9,96,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401220366247958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051079842968826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002508950325045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262644681860528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804948200002775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966150925318971,0.08834661029950829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862166931836532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912870147186122,0.0,0.0993006940854968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450944072280082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692866613774865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185009385193115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536219617418538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265773676347995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759011118189525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451245092264866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608005227086915,0.1119572323214226,0.17166720339536135,0.2774255233921221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068171002075394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28833415414013797,0.0,0.13868920078185726,0.0,0.0,0.3141989412566613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flaming_ninja,2019/07/14,"Advice: Dealing with emotional highs and the lows that follow As I work through my problems with the help of my psych I’m starting experience moments of extreme happiness and feeling like things are alright. 

My psych and I have discussed this coming up eventually and that when we get to it we would go through it. Which I’m looking forward too, my issue at the moment is that I’m on holidays back to my hometown for a while, which means I won’t be able to see my psych till the end of this month.

I’m excited after many years of darkness to finally be experiencing these feelings again, but as you guys probably know they are strong and intense which when I’m happy is amazing and feels like I’m alive again.

For example: ‘I attended one of my best friends wedding and it made me so happy and full of joy, but now that it’s over and I come back to my reality the darkness creeps in hard which normally results in a depressive episode’

I was just wondering if you guys had any ways to help get over these lows because with each one I feel the darkness more and more.

(I’ve booked an appointment with my psych which we will go into more detail about but I’m just curious if anyone has found some ways to ease these dark episodes post happiness high)",7.139587242026267,6.489670219512199,7.043658536585365,78.26710131332085,64.28455284552845,10.496060037523453,36.40275171982489,9.851270322608157,3.353247404627892,998,43,197,18,13,318,141,246,0.059000000000000004,0.6920000000000001,0.249,0.9954,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,2,1,3,12,17,0,0,9,1,13,0,0,2,0,42,39,22,0,5,7,0,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,2,19,21,0,0,8,2,0,7,1,4,0,2,4,8,22,13,34,30,7,40,0,3,2,0,14,14,0,4,20,133,41,6,0.11588066606423872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323724572554485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788028266410418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102645607180496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782101586335261,0.0,0.07063977846730371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160960976546227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964186607787912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946787840925835,0.09980784787952547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303501522110247,0.10263587492898224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335352716729552,0.0,0.0,0.23437098634605316,0.1655703419806881,0.0,0.12694160547116495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270571691248777,0.08952911514681006,0.0,0.1210857304409046,0.0,0.13171530599060854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948015627192375,0.0,0.4934284952704475,0.10380631551110467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534473560650705,0.24486857197384165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094930862884272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368498352767718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322688016090447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731057420243934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096490881072708,0.0,0.11748480719940285,0.0,0.12622801692529356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249484208643334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113538448947907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704747668067567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098164571482652,0.0,0.12493895742143465,0.11088214739768223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234188773278636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202093187478318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769859654309126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396135784153905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566763920840202,0.0843625050268376,0.0,0.0,0.08231830039330101,0.0,0.0,0.07462334964849376
bpd,bpdishell22,2019/07/14,"The void Does anyone know how to deal with the giant aching void bpd causes inside. I try so hard but I'm tired of bouncing from temporary relief to temporary relief; I just want to feel some stability or contentment for once in my life. 

When I look inside I just see a vast ugly emptiness. I just took eight codeine but even that isn't helping tonight.",3.569565217391304,5.657084434782615,4.115289855072465,86.04076086956526,74.21739130434783,6.918840579710146,24.54347826086957,7.793537801064563,1.3021478260869561,282,9,54,4,6,89,54,69,0.22,0.622,0.159,-0.6143,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,13,8,6,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,6,2,8,7,1,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000688622080167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34224694515286946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27915177538950986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801519488873144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378014551006889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794816693285817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739987991282632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434256135161576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214155557555656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934116590750995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919379578506132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819311243451615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28939417036843906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165415520618208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31232508960048144,0.0,0.0,0.3019130749752357,0.18449358363109447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027925875759652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Holofernes__,2019/07/14,I've started working as an escort Ive started working as a an escort and honestly ? I think it's great ! I've always had a fucked up relationship with my body and I don't mind if I can use it for money. It doesn't matter to me because my self-esteem is so low. I intend to carry this on and keep earning money. I've kept it a secret to most people I know but I've let a few close friends know. I know my borderline is the main reason I'm doing it but if it helps me financially why should I stop ??,1.251747474747475,2.464803427272732,4.08757575757576,87.52580808080809,78.36363636363637,6.343434343434343,22.222222222222207,6.937597516519254,0.5829191919191912,387,11,87,4,9,139,68,110,0.081,0.794,0.125,0.7597,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,7,0,10,2,1,3,0,24,21,10,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,6,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,13,3,9,17,3,7,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,3,3,56,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920096048321604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312845255328403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392220017513387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639049071854514,0.1991015032115983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23744070984257984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435464231788694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142633728377634,0.0,0.0,0.3550769705429251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202253382771624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745729025992772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930699730734054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221431123530173,0.0,0.23122144796594304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467269940694526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30487295851094537,0.0,0.0,0.1800548114923029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799721746802407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860062411319994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943334449303389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135766188829889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,schvvlgirl,2019/07/14,"I faked my death, and I’m now starting a new life. It may sound horrible, but I faked my death and abandoned all of my “friends”. For the past few months, I’ve been at my worst state yet with depression and my BPD. I’ve tried reaching for help; however, most of my friends encourage only negative solutions (drugs, self harm, etc), or simply watch nor care. It drove me insane every day trying to ignore it, and when I tried to confront the problem about it with them, it worsened my BPD to an extent I’ve never felt before. I couldn’t take it anymore, I knew I would snap horribly if I didn’t come up with some way to leave them without stirring too much conflict, so I decided to fake my death. I know they won’t care, and I won’t have mental breakdowns everyday about it anymore. Win-win. I’m now ready to meet new friends and began a new journey, slightly scared, but ready.",5.756285714285713,5.5239110571428585,5.9344285714285725,83.68507142857145,67.0,9.057142857142855,32.35714285714286,8.548686976883017,2.3384285714285715,685,26,141,9,10,218,108,175,0.341,0.526,0.133,-0.9945,1,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,3,0,8,17,1,1,5,0,8,2,0,0,2,30,20,13,3,4,5,0,1,0,3,4,2,1,0,1,7,10,0,3,4,0,0,3,8,11,0,0,6,3,22,6,18,9,8,21,0,2,1,0,10,2,0,5,14,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751023776772649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802181853486253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34937065823142804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828237960437219,0.0,0.0,0.11947608241017454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944876318008971,0.0,0.11946042072943375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084569553253605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468498050800011,0.0,0.0,0.11685908276504987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331718715134559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32147329063386765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296637422768668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622481686556876,0.0,0.0,0.14686120054246074,0.0,0.0,0.09796652917371207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977500466593767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070745423030552,0.0,0.10195902000502396,0.0,0.10697248080365238,0.4018663010529629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548611125945867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324029755330129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271529504873225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886093656563298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446923071986478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817118832387756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428366674108024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825005993430271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009205023754616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369996347450924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985271099181064,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,deadbymidaugust,2019/07/14,"DAE gets attached to one gender or sex in particular? Literally every person I've ever gotten super attached to from age 2 to 17 have been women older than me. From 17 until now, it's been only men, most around my age. I'm aromantic, asexual. So it's not attraction at all for the men. For the women, I think it's because I lacked a good mother figure in my life. Mine was abusive and did not show any affection whatsoever. But the men? I have no clue. I want everyone to be my big brother. It's weird.

​

Can anyone relate?",1.3401090342679112,3.7409778317757016,4.0987149532710285,81.55841510903426,83.76635514018692,6.5573208722741425,22.00077881619938,7.793537801064563,1.3758666666666668,416,14,78,8,12,147,77,107,0.13,0.7959999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,2,14,13,5,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,9,3,14,7,3,11,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,6,52,13,0,0.0,0.3152984775123817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883315755126509,0.3233544612898589,0.18096486780429025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860712684644692,0.0,0.0,0.2368955523987477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221903092753026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24071298376948896,0.2242103199652721,0.25428083324223616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903221582417172,0.0,0.0,0.22320160497804653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879623417555563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803239621465189,0.20238970046450735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323581978297735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705134310193992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156959390150281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233544612898589,0.0
bpd,soundinsleep,2019/07/14,"only able to be myself. alone at past 3 am before sunrise  I can only truly say I'm myself alone at night when everyone is asleep.

The world needs to be asleep for me to come awake. Absolute silence in the dead of night, is my home environment. 

As soon as I start hearing cars and the sound of the day sneaking up on my quiet time, I quivel and return to my dormant shell until the night rises the next trance period of moon.

I've been away from myself for the past 5 months, because I adopted a more normie way of life for myself. Waking up at sunrise and sleeping at sundown, and for the first time in these ""transformational"" 5 months I've finally felt myself for the first time, the one night I decided to stay awake past my schedule and dedicate a night for my night time self. I finally remember who I was and who I've tried  to be in this state of  trance that I have in front of this monitor exclusively at this time.

I don't know what I'm going to do when this sun rises and I have to go back to my waking routine. I just want to sleep in and wait for the next night I can have selfishly to myself.",6.017628487518357,5.092515193832599,6.7584251101321575,80.30066262848754,66.66519823788546,9.857415565345082,29.48935389133627,9.075114841892004,2.13112657856094,867,24,183,13,12,288,112,227,0.05,0.93,0.02,-0.7579,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,13,0,15,7,6,0,0,17,27,13,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,9,9,0,1,4,0,0,7,1,1,0,3,3,5,25,0,42,21,1,58,0,0,0,0,5,15,0,0,33,121,34,0,0.09841268584147808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385172563724627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246195789558588,0.07567328075953096,0.0,0.05999145985543949,0.0,0.08374194721428738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847738147977042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346804088938614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403753870453208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449161157784963,0.21561257393051694,0.0,0.1674195606052348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186039456989437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091824935949217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871594797893997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054085038424396416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951179041872316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710413385375616,0.0,0.0,0.07297175956884157,0.0,0.0,0.2093260157199815,0.6464754730283996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666869828665138,0.14969456445582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818381327896151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114823886518314,0.0,0.0,0.07826171777712206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266589434192988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696751661246806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965700556591238,0.10489482888250896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869261426401057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681575370800392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058046351894072486,0.07811540928749514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittenklawes,2019/07/14,"I feel like I'm the only one I feel like I'm the only one who is like me. I'm aware that it sounds cliche and stupid, but it feels so starkly true that it hurts. 

I'm a 25 year old woman and I've been struggling for as long as I can remember. I've been aware that there is something acutely wrong with myself, ever since I was a kid. 

I'm in therapy now (admittedly I missed last week). And I am trying. But it is so exhausting. There is something wrong with me. I And I don't know how to fix it. 

And I'ts 1 a.m. and I'm drunk alone. 

I don't know how to have stable relationships. I crave stability so badly that it hurts. Yet, I can't do it. No matter how hard I try. 

I'm alone. And I can't imagine ever not feeling this way. I just want to no longer feel the profound loneliness that I feel. I want to stop self-medicating. 

I only drink once every few months, but when I do, I get drunk and cry. And I can't remember that last time that I didn't throw myself into a man's arms. 

The worst part of this is that I know that I am doing harmful things, but it feels like I can't stop myself. 

I am so angry. I'm angry at my mother. I blame her for me being like this. I was neglected and verbally abused as a child. But at the same time, I love her so very much. She was a single mother fighting her own battles. 

I was asked once what I'd wish for, if I could have anything in the world. I'd just ask to be content. Not even happy. Just content with myself.",-0.4753610234840515,1.502072763406943,2.0265010515247117,96.21723492814579,87.92744479495268,4.9102348405187515,16.691990886785838,6.286939319323684,-0.4729319313003853,1114,25,268,11,36,381,146,317,0.29600000000000004,0.608,0.096,-0.9976,0,2,3,0,3,0,44.0,0,0,0,0,19,22,3,1,11,0,30,6,1,3,3,54,57,28,0,5,11,2,8,5,0,0,1,1,0,4,23,14,3,3,14,3,0,1,11,14,0,2,7,9,42,8,20,47,7,24,0,4,0,1,17,6,0,1,21,174,65,0,0.0,0.1184592078423874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070969557287056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227450489640857,0.0,0.1869344344092457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347860002166198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982539366552302,0.0,0.10982264618648982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794172265241856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603543270748156,0.18087413297827526,0.08423693353270745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35386802399147443,0.21427585139419994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223509571325622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642990129492944,0.08956187994438164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140599724890382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483814556607362,0.1629930655579106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244224356618336,0.0,0.0,0.0884785986279745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023528727205364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105454427810507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980258139046942,0.0,0.07349634267189283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491153325556893,0.21294953779727616,0.13549722078844129,0.2281164544304733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826791766133607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734042999051904,0.2265142787973562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043002903650369,0.0,0.0,0.08270397021450608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539380112325366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717446463091407,0.0,0.10452014814301196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433512591413406,0.0,0.06642185265296421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659755241019985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575886242209306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824934531232957,0.1179408487305262,0.07935897235292412,0.08019742207713157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497134441513734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862349793608798,0.0,0.06438343803418256
bpd,Throwaway98676765,2019/07/14,"My BPD fiance and I had a fallout. How do I make him understand what happened? I have been dating my BPD fiance for 4 years. We had a great start but I got sick, things changed and we fought more. 

His BPD affected our relationship more. He got more angry. At me, life, and life events. My job. He turned his anger towards me. Lashing out, pushing me away. 

I went to therapy for mental issues myself, so I understand what he's going through. 

Last week, after a month of non-stop BPD abuse towards me. I asked him to rethink our relationship and what it meant to be with me. 

I said something along the lines of You need to think about what you want. Do you want a healthy relationship with me? Do you want to work on yourself and your issues? Or do you want a toxic relationship? Do you want to cultivate a toxic life for us? Always pushing me away and insulting me when you're angry, or do you want to work and maybe go to therapy? 

I reassured him that I wouldn't go anywhere. I love him and I want to support him, but I can't do it if his BPD is stronger than his feelings for us. 
Also, tbh, after months of fights and drama he started, I neede a breather. 

I went to live with my mom for a week. I came back today. He's upset, not understanding what happened and why I asked for a break. 

How can I explain it to him?",1.0465105506948014,3.288365761194033,2.7201080802882167,92.02067164179108,83.55223880597015,5.636850231600617,21.92794647452393,6.953978226594392,0.5698974266598049,1016,34,220,13,29,334,131,268,0.165,0.741,0.094,-0.9839,1,0,1,0,2,0,39.0,6,8,0,2,9,9,4,1,10,0,16,5,0,4,0,46,52,20,0,11,6,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,10,18,0,0,8,1,0,8,3,5,0,0,11,2,55,4,36,39,3,31,0,0,0,1,43,7,0,3,15,152,65,3,0.0,0.09449200518775074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377692091890996,0.06635929878967105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911301424090045,0.0,0.149857555788906,0.06132366841051036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022185542686189,0.0,0.0,0.09121400540246376,0.0,0.0,0.0843660826496236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04032454929038418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597315345698996,0.0,0.12756847026651294,0.087925862488617,0.0,0.0,0.14104725777556973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664788439381432,0.07914065482607525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500778570441558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689916682668124,0.0,0.0,0.07042167695561509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197847586802865,0.0,0.05323447440585896,0.0,0.0801206930232063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037034491856704,0.0,0.0,0.09340351721342227,0.12731312444326345,0.0,0.0,0.11826885109821328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424913150192514,0.0,0.0,0.07586155304469606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061396288312726775,0.0,0.0,0.11289646937251575,0.0,0.0,0.06667548545564132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050059617986428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240465233222092,0.0,0.052983083035762935,0.05110128071529786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559471189585723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674628897896335,0.0,0.2490711037369337,0.1918614927575788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292748299247619,0.0,0.1279430339098548,0.0,0.0,0.1478601259363621,0.07196295768831143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611949227169464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051357089681249024
bpd,mle141,2019/07/14,"Today is my 20th birthday and I’ve never felt so alone I’ve always struggled with birthdays but they seem to get worse every year. My friends seem to care less and less every year; some forget and some don’t even tell me that they can’t attend my birthday plans. I’ve cancelled everything now because I can’t bare the thought of 2/10 people showing up. That would break my heart. 

I went out to my local town tonight for some drinks, hoping (but knowing otherwise) things would be different. I was standing there next to my boyfriend, just me and him and as midnight came I looked around and realised that only one person really cares. I left suddenly and got an Uber home alone and my boyfriend came home later to find me about to hang myself in the garage. I think this is my lowest point ever. I want to die so bad. 

Happy birthday to me.",3.5830574912892,5.587236835365857,3.5846689895470405,90.2267073170732,73.9390243902439,5.905226480836237,24.519163763066203,6.5431188927421005,0.7422871080139375,667,21,130,5,14,203,106,164,0.162,0.7140000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.7515,2,2,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,1,9,7,0,1,3,0,9,2,1,0,2,33,25,13,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,13,1,0,7,2,0,5,4,2,0,1,7,2,23,5,17,15,5,25,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,6,10,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27666807260936005,0.0,0.0,0.11113756491310453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890200752823375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152198394638012,0.08142055957260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055277144664004,0.2723587626359329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862036223015511,0.13954798311712016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084377575198314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821904613140402,0.12081804288215373,0.22507013645866505,0.0,0.12004045782663827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282442519006046,0.0,0.12207685280173733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031927167872943,0.0,0.06978269285852612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682488666770544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218343073012688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582762863937451,0.0,0.0,0.26795506368918376,0.13266111944358314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340434961295661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511978865183786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216175327562253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301428986998984,0.0,0.14204889641037774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050774017308938,0.1015829189049606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259780784924664,0.116624630170763,0.0,0.0,0.1262629891361962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556576369340499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431868375388907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396321246433642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674252196162163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873527806324638,0.08558366357426282,0.0,0.10603643984669138,0.0,0.0,0.1266048971831656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787806541756516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381696796101507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611510750040173,0.18976282843782796,0.0,0.0,0.1720241772381826
bpd,RPZ555,2019/07/14,Exmple of Borderline behavior?  [https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/cb1n8u/lady\_becomes\_irate\_over\_couple\_kissing\_while/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/cb1n8u/lady_becomes_irate_over_couple_kissing_while/),202.132,249.89325120000004,75.065,-438.66249999999985,-263.0,25.0,62.5,10.125756701596842,18.281,236,3,1,3,2,38,5,5,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kiriegosh,2019/07/14,"So... I smashed a mirror with my fist. I think I'm getting there.
A crisis is coming and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

It was actually really stupid, I was about to take a shower, everything fine and then I hear my mom say that I had to do something that I didn't want to do .... And I became so angry.... For something so stupid and started punching the wall... But that wasn't enough so hit the mirror once and boom, it shattered. 

He'll broke loose, mom immediately barged in, started to scream about me being barefoot and be careful and so on.

I just started stood in the corner wrapped in a towel silently crying and telling her I was sorry, that it wasn't my intention.

It was totally my intention to smash the mirror, I just thought it would be harder.

The thing is.... I managed to grab a big fat piece of mirror and I have it hidden.

Couldn't help it.

I'm sorry mom.",2.0199157303370794,3.869885865168541,3.6644803370786505,88.60492275280899,77.9887640449438,6.023033707865169,24.04634831460674,6.9077264865688965,0.8316730337078653,676,23,141,7,16,225,96,178,0.193,0.7879999999999999,0.019,-0.9806,2,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,2,0,10,0,20,1,1,2,1,23,36,16,0,3,3,3,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,13,11,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,10,5,19,2,16,19,3,13,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,101,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.15525797108089662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221234460076656,0.0,0.0,0.1370499634229701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476311553502424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439211172695786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429881963227824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312282014783443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931647943333975,0.0,0.10664091030143774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5590055485118047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266007383519775,0.0,0.0,0.16943556711426971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192308859043972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652215291205532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449648353635571,0.0,0.3561972920211116,0.3378339203352844,0.0,0.0,0.13301414276244394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962287701576947,0.0,0.13905980493320622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569850857107056,0.10194441033249732,0.0,0.1263070764030609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938408920596897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301958130908313,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,potatoface27,2019/07/12,"Does any else get extremely depressed at the thought of their child being taken away? Possible TW..? My son just turned one. Hes the light of my life regardless of how hard being a mom is. Hes such a sweet boy. Very loving and funny. He babbles nonstop these days. He gets into everything lmao and falls/hurts himself at least once a day. He is the best thing in the world. If it came down to it, I'd give my life for him over and over again. 

I was just rocking him to sleep and this awful thought popped into my head ""what if God decided to take my baby away?"" Im religious so God comes into play a lot. However even if you arent religious I know any parent can empathize with the horrifying thought of your child dying or being taken away somehow. 

I just cried while rocking him. Holding him tight and telling him how much I love him. 

I tell God that if he decides he needs my son in Heaven with Him...that He better take me too bc I honestly believe that I cannot live without my baby boy. 

I know every parent must feel this from time to time but its so incredibly intense for me. Sometimes it only lasts a few minutes like this time, sometimes it lasts hours. All I can do is cry and pray. 

I'm probably just being dramatic so I'm sorry for that...I just needed to vent/see if anyone else gets like this?",1.5568281815650238,3.742772917293237,3.0687635756056832,90.60830270119746,81.10526315789474,5.8956279587858536,22.25786688944584,7.093109894594671,0.7085078251183514,1020,33,213,13,27,334,151,266,0.059000000000000004,0.7959999999999999,0.146,0.9617,4,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,2,15,11,0,0,10,1,16,6,2,2,2,45,39,19,1,9,13,5,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,14,13,0,2,8,3,0,2,3,1,0,1,7,5,30,10,29,27,6,26,2,1,0,2,32,14,0,8,12,133,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451458782649293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462077586891855,0.10934676875573864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30079953081563765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023636377944098,0.1119955613728604,0.09438475072692436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205871050650673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192942444285168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23445278238259884,0.13765053474117467,0.0,0.09191737375230953,0.0,0.11075802202302873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933909787972122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830094467371346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048724225701873,0.0,0.08991580576461679,0.0,0.0959126311439186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053960600309384266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726964728929716,0.10237509638541988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559973592659476,0.0,0.10952502510325154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509723882684048,0.0,0.11424546277453355,0.0,0.11527540423514054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173005241108704,0.17398131922732035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075831848393847,0.1042755422912271,0.0,0.09423529909668878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072912703415156,0.19263708264779225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498862227943215,0.0,0.0,0.07845113295262221,0.15826235669006206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365281519186722,0.07231591461795286,0.08116501059605244,0.0,0.0,0.2369988145896191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031023378480513,0.0,0.0,0.11506170195546045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679660033779903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109668553046995,0.11946377520198212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047960845226467,0.0,0.1865551439979776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089971288367207,0.0,0.0,0.25417015547002864,0.18668704632525385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160802020180891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805478780880277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287381743942443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IneptFrumentarii,2019/07/12,"Caught feelings in less than a day I went to a concert yesterday for a reunion show of my all time favorite band and I ended up meeting up with someone I met on Reddit being that I get anxious going to events by myself. so we met up for some drinks beforehand and had a good hour long conversation and it was an overall great time. I liked that we shared so much in common and for some reason I just ended up really liking her personality. I’m not sure why, but I think I really started to believe I was beginning to like her while we were at the event. I felt like we were bonding or something, I know it might sound cheesy but I just can’t understand how easily I can catch feelings for someone I barely met. Since we share so much in common with regards to music, we agreed we should meet up sometime and go to another show, but the problem is that we live 8 hours away from each other so it’s not something that we can be doing frequently. I’d text her, but i know better, she’ll get the impression that im needy or something, and I’m just bad at texting conversations anyway. I don’t even think she’s into me or else she’d have flirted with me",5.140054479418887,5.091410572033901,6.184285714285719,80.74872881355934,68.27966101694915,8.946246973365616,29.99273607748184,8.634040054169528,2.149743099273608,909,31,185,13,14,304,136,236,0.067,0.7909999999999999,0.142,0.9399,0,0,4,0,0,0,14.0,9,0,0,1,10,14,0,0,8,0,18,1,0,2,2,49,39,19,0,2,12,0,3,4,0,3,0,2,0,1,9,20,1,0,9,5,0,5,4,2,0,0,11,5,35,12,30,22,7,35,0,0,0,0,26,13,0,6,21,131,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240631047740904,0.0,0.15342414801797946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759589044537348,0.0,0.1133938330401872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300887463572524,0.0,0.12011095510166707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758479029018278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303993290777233,0.0,0.0,0.11344998315591295,0.0,0.24057078640730706,0.0,0.0,0.0896997653198018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733699969757088,0.0,0.13039677715357653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419079313886474,0.0,0.15436539497502774,0.11390913198534325,0.0,0.1497285693517643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26748663606818984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669571933788875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927282083570406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653953076504924,0.0,0.1199207678318926,0.12018562167845193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407060504189914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966870570034453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185821250123692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299497150311664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400389732792254,0.1396330282120014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234160836227218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301390017109357,0.3136544181331108,0.1343173781918364,0.0,0.09612545368093746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799723608096725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404029797342055,0.0,0.0,0.15838123048860214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413807002622009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258951831350493,0.12254540809750206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlackShard445,2019/07/12,"DAE Constantly Scroll Through Various Social Media In An Attempt To Find Validation? Does anyone else constantly flip through all possible social media in some desperate attempt to find validation, and become anxious when you feel ignored or unnoticed?",13.802307692307696,14.493401153846154,12.286794871794871,41.70403846153849,50.282051282051285,16.005128205128205,55.39743589743589,14.554592549557764,9.249758974358977,211,14,21,8,2,67,30,39,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.7149,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,14,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578606085178026,0.0,0.15959961173166656,0.23387188935403835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520872007059429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493320212665866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974549690368132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19067586211715465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541143546019507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172377091018748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573206506607609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465349815063882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AutumnAlmonds,2019/07/12,"Navigating the workplace environment will be hard, but not impossible and I'm feeling hopeful The past few days have been a rollercoaster. I'm programming and have a lot less experience than people around me, I'm one of the only black people in my office, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to help our project. It's all been getting to me. 


It felt like people were against me when they weren't, and I know I'm just projecting my insecurities. Through some help Ive had a change of mindset and I'm thankful for it because there was no way I would be on track to get through this internship otherwise. I know now that I should ask questions- the stakes are low, low af. And everyone is on my side- or at the very least, not, *not* on my side lol. No one is judging me and perfection isn't expected. 


Got myself some gelato and I'm just reflecting now. I feel so much less stressed and I know the challenge isn't over, but I'm glad I can recognize it and begin to tackle it.",2.2399202551834136,4.4042770909090905,3.7903721424774086,86.44854066985648,78.5959595959596,7.602764486975015,26.077618288144606,8.532816995589336,1.8839656565656564,776,31,162,17,19,257,117,198,0.096,0.735,0.16899999999999998,0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,1,2,9,10,0,2,10,1,21,0,0,1,2,39,42,16,0,4,8,0,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,9,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,8,6,19,6,19,29,9,20,0,2,1,0,6,12,0,6,8,112,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602180712213198,0.16384785449550168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683909469229902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854057032473214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303055546332068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747192894612106,0.0,0.1714414807846301,0.0,0.0,0.17723713569503538,0.0,0.16828058962593245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831360474389068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017435205671105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140036113698448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495106125079074,0.0,0.0,0.1740763509440159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889609565553914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562496679419587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900288828743308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883894931516396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752637106640365,0.13329590399497246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673089860321744,0.36451724280828907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633539968855845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076391965508394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135922209605466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021976441216502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461086687310434,0.0,0.13911612802730727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450226885549713,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,majorasmasquerade286,2019/07/12,"Mother's with BPD, what is it like? I really want to have a child. But I am so worried about the postpartum depression being amplified by my BPD among other things. I'm concerned I won't be able to handle myself with the hormone changes and mood swings. Not to mention regulating my emotions (anger mostly) when the child is growing up. What was your experience? How did you get through it?",3.5867953667953643,6.032207486486487,4.478803088803087,81.78067567567571,75.48648648648648,7.4718146718146725,28.138996138996138,8.418075326091056,2.2653806949806947,310,13,56,6,7,100,60,74,0.095,0.828,0.077,-0.5128,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,8,12,5,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,10,7,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,44,14,0,0.2656461364970486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6691440190683462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810183889931845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22880062810981106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988161485667105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25985289499123754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138789142179758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978128398780786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017971729809206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648348922917131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668497396002887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697765463830768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meowtain-os,2019/07/12,"New job - travelling Ok guys! 
ANY ADVICE WELCOME

I just landed a new job where I'll be travelling all over the country for 2-6 weeks at a time. I'm very nervous because it's 100% out of my comfort zone but I feel like I should do it for my personal growth as well as professional.

1. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.  My husband and I plan to FaceTime every night, do individual dates (like we go see the same movie and talk about it afterwards), We're getting pet cams and making sure I 100% stay on all my meds all the time.
Otherwise, how to I make sure I stay grounded during this time?

2. What advice can you give me for travelling period? I've flown here and there but this will be an all the time thing. Best stuff to pack/buy/need? 

I leave this Sunday for my first trip and I'm very nervous!

That's all I can think of right now...",1.6566161616161637,3.89083031818182,3.375606060606064,88.27646464646465,81.04545454545455,7.092929292929293,22.845959595959602,8.167268648758528,1.2999580808080804,680,23,145,14,18,226,113,176,0.091,0.757,0.152,0.9023,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,0,3,8,12,0,2,7,1,9,0,0,3,7,25,19,11,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,8,0,0,2,3,0,6,0,3,1,1,0,2,18,9,16,15,7,30,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,0,16,83,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683635131292936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933783017522564,0.0,0.10504491633699448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370540538449428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410268413822672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826843951919465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737386344857435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569305781677686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943013854276378,0.09809722578304574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679930963110599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717409537002218,0.13172420404174712,0.07803877165604188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596255484669606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725261274153773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539581317406827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416947377145166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833164659390933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252501810258695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652376412241806,0.0,0.12885998790821068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397947643077789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051284341596564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726549747176836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942156550250257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927171365892825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571918008924103,0.0,0.0,0.2588338424099004,0.0,0.0,0.11036787818448716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122539148808252,0.08798533553905942,0.0,0.0,0.32027584116770386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265970386491649,0.0,0.0,0.11014509431926882,0.0,0.123461873338909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,raymondsebond,2019/07/12,"Paranoia, I met this girl and I fear her leaving me I'm posting on a throwaway account because she knows my main. I'm a 17 year old guy - I haven't been diagnosed, my mom is Borderline and my therapist says I might be one as well.

So I met this girl on reddit about a month ago. We talked, we had similar tastes when it came to literature and we clicked. After a while, I opened up with her about my depression and I told her things it had taken me three years to tell my best friend - for some weird reason, I trusted her completely and I was extremely fond of her. After a while, something major in my life and I feared that she was starting to draft apart. I have had bouts of paranoia for a while (and in fact, I haven't mentioned that to her), and my bouts of paranoia started getting worse with that and often she was on the spolight. I regreted having trusted her, and thought that she only continued talking to me because of her consciousness. I ended up posting a text on r/depression where I talked about many things, among them how I was feeling humiliated because of that. She saw it, and she said to me that I was wrong, and that she tried to be part of my life even with her own difficulties. I felt much guilt -  to the point of trembling- for some days.

Now, I don't quite know why, I just know I'm extremely fond of her and I'm extremely fearful of her drafting apart from me, and many of my bouts of paranoia focus on that. After our ""fight"" (I don't really know if that was a fight, but whatever), I apologized, and recently I sent her a poem and a little text for her birthday. Yesterday, she said she thought I was pedantic and that I liked to boast ""about how much"" I knew. I don't quite know, but I was offended and desperate - what should I do?

It is weird, I'm not quite sure why this happens.",4.6995771292435995,5.048737013698634,5.373377010125076,84.8035556879095,69.27397260273972,8.868374032162,30.390113162596784,8.841846274778883,2.193350208457415,1410,53,300,23,23,457,162,365,0.11199999999999999,0.823,0.065,-0.8581,0,0,1,0,2,0,51.0,4,0,1,4,14,22,3,5,12,0,26,4,0,3,2,53,54,29,0,3,5,1,2,1,1,2,3,3,0,3,20,26,1,0,12,0,1,2,6,13,1,2,25,8,70,9,46,25,9,40,0,2,2,0,47,16,0,5,21,219,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883212069212303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832653879218414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516658268309298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461612686540705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050706464116239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646286163745133,0.0,0.17262534279465674,0.10171333291865256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875831645038228,0.0,0.0,0.06618925161012958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33829995441177513,0.05067032893538731,0.0,0.09621948353372954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742374232422865,0.0,0.052356768954013484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922589125663997,0.08861736922905597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753701824531719,0.0,0.0,0.10611031223595327,0.0,0.0,0.14156576360397813,0.048958647582850234,0.10043900971464248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319900235141206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630936984889466,0.0,0.11736738597732575,0.07998846864818357,0.0,0.14733508112480556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515590777177716,0.0,0.06790641986830905,0.07621593832103722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852011033432762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473297574011914,0.0,0.19195128481842744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31976421683321865,0.0,0.0,0.06419853887197699,0.10303489205861062,0.09894751556462636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906496124057465,0.07969281017895571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771482925156856,0.0,0.0,0.14186150470163758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444886766603436,0.0,0.0,0.2416404522107169,0.08758993095673674,0.0,0.0,0.1163541559692092,0.1331531433172514,0.0,0.0,0.15911467885066158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575710749179596,0.0,0.0680375454111534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010285539338952,0.0,0.1808519525399689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212485277685172,0.0,0.10956637307791063,0.0,0.12906681776272771
bpd,selin0122,2019/07/12,"bpd; sudden repulsion syndrome; splitting? (repost from r/off my chest) For as long as I've had friends, I've struggled in finding the right approach to relationships. Since I was young, I have had a problem with ""hating"" people, at (seemingly) random, and for no logical reason. I have hurt many people because of it, and have had trouble figuring out what it even is. Only very recently have I found an actual name for something not quite, but similar to what I've felt- sudden repulsion syndrome. It usually goes something like: I really like someone! They make me so happy! I get really close with them and we're attached at the hip. I spend much of my time thinking about them and they soon become my favorite person/best friend/the most significant person in my life. Everything's Great. and then- I don't even know when this happens- I start to look down on them. I see them and get annoyed. Their face, their voice, their movements, *everything* about them begins to seem increasingly dumb, and annoying, and ridiculous, and no matter what they do, I want nothing more than to get away from them. It is **intense**. Eventually, they get the message, and- after messaging me asking what they did wrong, or getting upset because they don't deserve to be treated the way I'm treating them- they give up trying to figure it out, and leave me alone. *Good,* I think. But then, some months later, I look at them, and feel a weight lifted off my chest. The contempt and disgust that I felt whenever I so much as glanced in their direction (or vice versa), has, literally, evaporated. It feels like those scenes in movies when a character has been freed from brainwashing (see: Toothless after Stoick's death in How to Train Your Dragon 2). It feels like a cloud has been lifted from my eyes and my heart, and I feel affection for them once again. I feel a hint of guilt at my own acknowledgement of what I've put them through- hating them for no reason and not explaining myself; leaving them confused and hurt for what seems like an eternity before I suddenly ""feel better"".

Up until 2017, I continued this pattern without ever truly and explicitly acknowledging my actions and the hurt that I caused so many friends. In 2017, I realized, ""oh, that's not right at all"", and ""what's wrong with me?"", and, most importantly, ""*why?*"". The hurt that I've put my friends through (off the top of my head I can count 8 friends who I've put through this) is cruel, and has no logic behind it. They have always been the same person, the same human being with gifts and flaws and quirks, like every other person has. It was not them who changed, but me. My ""hate thing"" doesn't happen because of an argument, or a quality that I truly deem unacceptable. It doesn't happen because they did anything to me, or because my values changed. There is absolutely, without a doubt, no reason whatsoever for this change in feeling towards people. I have hated this part of me since I realized it was me, and not them. I have been confused and overwhelmed by my completely unnecessary cruelty, and have struggled to answer questions about it.

I think, however, that I've found a pattern. I normally put them on a pedestal. I view them as a person higher than me, and it feels like having a ""crush"". Only later on do I notice certain things about them that put me off, or make me frown in judgement. This sounds a lot like falling out of the ""honeymoon phase"", but seems to be pretty extreme. Another thing that I've noticed is that my hate thing seems to be triggered when the other person shows me that they are, actually, human. It's triggered when they are no longer on that pedestal, and show me vulnerability in them. I guess that makes me all the more cruel for taking that vulnerability and judging it, walking away from it.

I still struggle with it. I don't know exactly how to deal with it, how to approach it when it happens, or how to avoid it altogether. I really don't know. It's hard. It's hard to see my friends hurting so damn much because of some weird switch in my brain that's flicked on and off whenever it pleases. It's freaking hard to be the cause of so much confusion and pain, and to *not know* ***how to fix it***. I want it to never happen again. But I'm afraid, because I don't know how to stop it either.

I thought I would share this because there is not a lot of content about this on the internet. Or- I've never heard anyone experience anything even remotely similar to what I'm describing. Today while I was searching the web, I saw lots of ""my best friend hates me for no reason and I don't know what to do"" posts on sites like quora and yahoo answers. A lot of the answers said that ""they're not worth it if they hate you, forget about them"" and ""they're not your friend, then"" and ""maybe you did something to them that made them angry?"". I, of course, don't know what the answer really is. However, I want it to be known that in my case- you have done nothing wrong, you are still the amazing person that I know you to be. I'm aware of the effect that this can have on you, and you absolutely don't deserve it! You deserve someone who sees you for you, and you deserve to be treated right. I know this. I also want it to be known that I'm not heartless. I'm really not. I think there is a psychological pattern and reason for my behaviors and attitude towards those who are at the receiving end of my hate thing. I just don't really know what it is yet. And I want it to be known that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for anyone that has to feel that confusion and hurt, and I hope you know you deserve only the best, but also that you keep in mind- I'm confused, too.

To anyone that's actually read this, thanks for taking the time to read! I hope that it might help some people who might be struggling with similar issues? and I hope that all of you know that you're great! and you deserve to know that you are awesome.

(a note: I put BPD in the title because I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so I thought that might be an important factor. I'm just not sure how, haha..)",3.484838025858661,5.489403298215804,4.4241802871876,84.09951092305492,74.21665250637213,7.3461779822842095,26.43681284016252,8.18150079193805,1.7364160754393203,4770,174,919,79,101,1543,401,1177,0.17600000000000002,0.693,0.132,-0.9961,2,2,3,0,0,0,215.0,0,19,37,6,42,83,18,15,44,1,80,12,8,22,10,217,176,89,1,12,31,0,15,9,7,4,3,4,0,9,101,58,1,3,62,4,2,14,34,47,0,0,26,29,148,36,139,134,26,103,0,7,10,0,91,47,2,37,49,658,249,2,0.0,0.0,0.10633040103341404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03761697638037614,0.0,0.05809081478242306,0.030221478863675263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03808510181965393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618819568328326,0.0,0.05977718207407445,0.0,0.03395466717078777,0.0,0.06824841487838917,0.0,0.0,0.1992651854397274,0.040113023601683284,0.030905981693892387,0.0,0.11434804377434453,0.03212243853075982,0.0,0.0,0.09148853408401032,0.04054557357791733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462210277999043,0.1152664885001862,0.0,0.03808124396155918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03744473323645104,0.0,0.03686443718871027,0.0,0.0,0.041626320227072,0.0,0.0,0.0371683750654328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032169090205486243,0.0,0.0,0.07196783662081438,0.03285387737412164,0.030601499939054425,0.0,0.06528485956715227,0.03552831642033457,0.0,0.0,0.16528215075573374,0.07784189402899422,0.06974655151446403,0.0,0.0331961837527779,0.0,0.0,0.07964687859211185,0.2244883815268632,0.0,0.09487953865658337,0.03484183319226766,0.0,0.03046382477929868,0.0,0.0800867291618748,0.04001101076051442,0.0,0.16059003023654714,0.0386637366936649,0.0976078217256838,0.2868709712643167,0.0372752045151666,0.0,0.0,0.04303984388725403,0.024344795697074543,0.0,0.0,0.10822304466803223,0.0,0.0,0.2332904093381029,0.0,0.0,0.03790905686987765,0.0,0.03228323659969589,0.0,0.0,0.259489615656379,0.0,0.0,0.07691610978130467,0.0,0.0,0.025654169668319002,0.15969879692125266,0.0,0.0,0.032142407338110024,0.06099996987665325,0.0,0.0,0.12351320668467493,0.0,0.034367236687101725,0.0727324386673271,0.0736463612394175,0.03648871936423676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559060080649253,0.03667324596710532,0.0,0.028990593402935638,0.0,0.1067986799363428,0.0,0.056025056629530716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035586276324174874,0.06970079865434341,0.08270202267417086,0.0,0.03868003614705872,0.0,0.08286989297445138,0.03864746189906021,0.0,0.0,0.0393314492440361,0.0,0.10071995710637344,0.2537085492881132,0.0,0.03986888776746555,0.0,0.0,0.034784899282282296,0.03695089993660206,0.0,0.03475371359461,0.0,0.21907217717858685,0.040687155598071095,0.03863121168874675,0.07266044921020598,0.0,0.1396066534804682,0.18671708012842256,0.03586200911760884,0.03899451254997943,0.0,0.093052258660635,0.03454901368341036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577061210912193,0.1653236211435792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008921344450612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061548306977765074,0.08388364539982124,0.0,0.08131541898501828,0.025707763080342515,0.0,0.058011029990015575,0.030365477200259307,0.0,0.1518798547331469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034231543198018896,0.0,0.05461683501038005,0.0,0.0,0.033438940644530554,0.0,0.0,0.12064828541760407,0.09309057227617916,0.0,0.05766867445965241,0.042357429732282716,0.0,0.03442748837668353,0.0,0.0,0.024659164608138908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040001784656019314,0.029968130306461605,0.10711355233028098,0.028829439602979987,0.0,0.04422845730084754,0.0,0.0,0.032773507924459516,0.0,0.0,0.0700231308907797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025800967086281875,0.1191319533759392,0.0,0.0
bpd,SadisticSienna,2019/07/12,"DAE suddenly freak out over something small and get depressed and hate someone for not much of a reason? So not yesterday but day before my boyfriend and I were going to go to the shops. Then I hear him talking to his friend on discord and he tells me we are now walking to the shops and after we shop his friend is picking us up and going to hang out at our house.
I completely flipped because we had plans and Idk I had some sort of panic attack I guess. I didn't wanna be in the guys car and stuff.
So I told him to go and I'm not going so he went. Then I was really depressed and took too much migraine meds (topirimate) and was drinking vodka (Im not even a drinker really) and was feeling really suicidal and thinking I should break up with my bf.
Then he got home (with the friend) and was hanging out in the house while I was laying there in the bed  and he braught me ice cream and cake and chinese but I was so angry and drugged so I just laid there. I dont really understand why I was sooo depressed precisely. Anyway then I was kinda hung over from the migraine med.
It was exhausting",2.253035714285716,4.131902517857147,3.5280000000000022,89.71700000000001,77.39285714285714,6.622857142857143,24.59285714285714,7.554174236665415,1.1290239285714283,860,30,181,12,20,280,127,224,0.188,0.77,0.042,-0.9894,0,0,5,0,0,0,16.0,5,0,0,1,13,11,2,1,9,0,18,5,0,2,1,45,35,30,1,2,7,0,1,0,4,1,4,1,2,1,2,26,1,0,4,5,3,11,6,8,0,0,17,3,28,3,26,16,3,35,0,3,1,0,22,13,0,4,10,128,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662444406561775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320828510678813,0.0,0.1021912845900729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259164416055012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745079789349672,0.0,0.31031077143770674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407494608063685,0.11764655622586105,0.13927109793176307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932105987649739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060723215592765126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783533497373512,0.0,0.0627442417630489,0.0,0.341261392770063,0.0,0.09605027035825936,0.0,0.13229725649427335,0.11891209932432943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856811957738167,0.0,0.0,0.13535484621015198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046423410337855,0.0,0.0,0.2771450723901108,0.0,0.0,0.1297223007857502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667950763724664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656605124722036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409046207283874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30774157567712457,0.12347679787179723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175539183155806,0.09245435144140092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747908063190334,0.13136351869002585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652713651701544,0.10496758898138546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769514883748842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475511615838432,0.13342903031376302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502225564244038,0.14445848736921127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132848925540438,0.10836629971813226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FreeMindNoName,2019/07/12,"Need basic guidelines dealing with adult son with BPD Hello - My 35 year old son exhibits all the signs of BPD, which his father also had. My son refuses to get help, but acknowledges that he has ""something"" going on. Has never held a job for more than a year, and was fired from almost all of them. Has extensive relationship problems, including alienating his brother and many friends, but sees all of it as their fault (normal for BPD from what I've read). Was a heroin addict for about a year, and prior to that did many other drugs to self-medicate, but is clean now after moving to another city.

He's a musician, and at times I've given him money so that he can pay his rent, which he feels guilty taking (doesn't act entitled, and goes hungry at times).

My question is that I know he needs therapy/medication but refuses it (has no insurance either) - I've mentioned to him that I'd help pay for his treatment, but he gets super angry. He's had therapy for PTSD, but when he talks to psychiatrists/therapists he presents himself as a victim of a rough childhood and an assault 3 years ago (caused by him being verbally aggressive). He won't tell any of the professionals that he may have BPD (shame, probably).

I can't make any headway with this situation it seems unless he gets help. I don't want to continue to help him financially, but feel like I have no choice right now.

Any advice appreciated.",6.993594527363187,6.874365996268658,7.4048656716417876,73.79585572139305,64.41044776119404,10.878009950248757,32.79203980099503,10.504223727775694,3.3518589054726373,1109,40,205,25,15,364,161,268,0.15,0.738,0.11199999999999999,-0.8557,2,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,3,1,10,0,20,2,0,2,4,41,36,19,0,5,9,5,4,1,1,2,2,0,2,1,14,9,0,3,6,1,4,3,7,6,0,0,7,5,18,3,33,26,5,24,0,0,1,0,43,4,0,4,18,121,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113200865423931,0.0,0.10147119068293484,0.09204784429065964,0.0,0.10398070345197592,0.0,0.0,0.0830407650494366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184416656939845,0.10888523440186576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5231310934124777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667222568072957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705442182807204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042136709558515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500919063197854,0.07418327616021808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022648251932023,0.0,0.1627562534371112,0.0,0.05901463270498423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784069002618286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304512084593437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570677171258565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507309510825073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931396840697047,0.2105548081339309,0.0,0.0,0.23068553568009295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036542616782063,0.0,0.15399200424242415,0.08008776571441616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174109701467923,0.0,0.0,0.1089625526150228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195702165844487,0.09936080173826893,0.12138333673903327,0.0,0.11632450125563072,0.0,0.10386804374926616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148523796777364,0.0,0.0886787441089596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274699051640716,0.09453198432093596,0.10832770739302124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167204468640349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994106142513588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807471423542725,0.08346261294569826,0.09076068727525326,0.0,0.1187500247738756,0.12056617750176706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109981186081732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124748889120939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674780755418341
bpd,needAreaming,2019/07/12,"insight on being painted black after intimate times. hello people! 

​

my ex is uPD. but shows many symptoms of BPD and even acknowledges many of the symptoms individually. She's pretty self aware.

​

our relationships have always been rocky. a rollercoaster. my biggest issue is lack of empathy. her inability to see my perspective or simply say ""my bad"" after something happens. which forces me to hold all the responsibility. 

​

Our two largest breakups happened after our most romantic/intimate days spent together. it goes from awesome, to i don't want you in my life in a matter of a day.  So im talking this as fear of abandonment and engulfment. she's protecting herself.

​

my questions are... if you have done this type of thing, is it really over for you, or do you just need to sort things out and cool down? and... how would it make you feel if the SO, the non-PD person, sent you an email stating i'll support you if you're willing to seek help, but without that, i wont go though this again?",4.55997213622291,7.020951857894738,5.040402476780186,78.83193498452016,72.52631578947368,7.839009287925697,30.650154798761612,8.671277953709913,2.7050216718266253,823,37,142,16,17,262,132,190,0.107,0.7909999999999999,0.102,-0.2465,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,3,7,0,0,7,5,0,1,8,1,14,3,0,2,1,30,25,16,0,7,9,1,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,10,5,0,3,4,1,1,2,3,3,0,1,4,5,23,2,24,17,3,17,0,1,2,0,25,7,0,8,7,101,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809929815577202,0.4218625625142352,0.4731051096211442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127313205136175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259375504478501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554986521043174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996105296429869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429080556108148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095322682627301,0.0492169980178848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531940668025473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215127579922332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524358380388794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514170170870214,0.10159554261995428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875268083992439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497384514948754,0.19737083034764336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217486509472676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748188651859723,0.0849917534902078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902770048435754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904079373003624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235719062416701,0.0,0.0,0.10450454294640338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740705385234051,0.0,0.0,0.07756575293499546,0.0,0.1015447224753812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493551827282352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045796521435436,0.0,0.20234282409710133,0.0,0.07823656636517247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933403292244092,0.0,0.0956340529716096,0.0,0.056758548127548485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508504463614252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057412451638134826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093830321382245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914609509405206,0.0,0.4731051096211442,0.0
bpd,Sovaar_Paagoliik,2019/07/12,"I'VE JUST GOT ACCEPTED FOR THERAPY AHHHHHH Sorry if this is inappropriate I am so happy. From personal reflection and research I suspect I have bpd, I applied for therepy in FEBRUARY and my I've just had a call my first appointment is Monday! Coincidentally I just started sertraline (Zoloft I think) last week so things are really looking up. I am quite nervous though, anyone know what I should expect? Also, should I mention the suspected bpd thing or should I just let her do her work?

Thanks guys hope you have a great day:)",2.092177835051544,4.8992026185567,3.926952319587631,77.70630476804126,94.97938144329895,7.373453608247424,25.650128865979386,8.07648339933343,2.645763402061856,422,19,72,12,16,141,72,97,0.077,0.743,0.18,0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,8,6,0,1,3,0,13,1,0,0,0,19,20,8,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,15,5,5,14,0,8,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,3,6,53,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151775616043908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248066266678749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772574614674353,0.0,0.1934683501797083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219139942328212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611616658913268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515351328749291,0.20888950424065514,0.0,0.1876034362458152,0.0,0.2016925619151312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818480402186616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041268399076136,0.15444197808507285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937442057195932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910567954990135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654364388364826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152289255233216,0.0,0.0,0.12137826470303915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209428499157332,0.13410666014676964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443698367179422,0.21667354927453505,0.0,0.2517486808824835,0.12140365635950467,0.18615167360849266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198006688836785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379352018096559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,houseboatbabby,2019/07/12,"Very recent BPD diagnosis. I've always felt like there is something not right with me aside from suffering from depression and anxiety. 

I have quit drinking in the last 2 months (would 5x a week, at least 2 drinks and then binge drink to black out 1-2x a month) and have been coming face to face with whatever the heck my brain is like without the dulling effect of booze. It has been difficult.

I have very tired the last year. My emotions can flip like a coin. A small ""slight"" will destory my day. Food is another one of my comforts, flipping back and forth from binging and extreme dieting. I have always hated how I like and have no real context what I actually look like until months later.

I certainly am needy, full of typos in a large group chat desperately sending messages. I have always been the last person to say something, not being able to take a breath and think ""is this tmi?"" or ""why am I sharing this?"" or ""should I just write this in a journal?"".Nope just keep typing and entering.

Next let's talk about goals. I have many but they don't go anywhere past writing on my wall. 

Never felt like anyone's #1. I know I shouldn't have to depend on others but I feel like I am always chasing more and never satisfied with how my current relationships are. I tend to alienate myself when things don't go the right way. 

I do meditate everyday. I have not had an exercise regime for a long time. I know it will help but getting out of bed is far too much for me sometimes. If I have a shower, that is a celebration.

What is it like inside someone's head who doesn't have BPD? I'm guessing a lot less negative, circling talk and just straight forward thoughts as they pop up. I would be curious to know.

I have been reading some posts here and have really related to a lot of them. I am seeing a psychiatrist on saturday and hope to start seeing a therapist soon as this clarity that is coming with not drinking booze is showing me that I have a lot of trauma to work through. Not sure the point of this post but just wanted to say hello and I appreciate the honesty in this community.",4.096331528137508,5.558487043795626,4.912032022604191,83.45981634094656,71.50608272506082,8.028286633702223,28.09991366454752,8.558390810932622,2.007174177851032,1649,61,324,28,31,534,224,411,0.077,0.7979999999999999,0.125,0.9629,2,0,6,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,3,4,13,19,1,0,24,0,48,15,5,4,4,69,73,27,0,7,17,0,3,8,0,6,2,2,2,1,17,21,8,1,9,8,1,7,14,6,0,1,8,9,37,13,44,56,9,55,0,3,4,0,19,20,1,10,35,222,54,4,0.08341994570809293,0.0,0.08140583353926174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776483098466132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747308659399224,0.06381603013625887,0.0,0.0,0.05832916564944625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414478904357615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101290027314089,0.09312424804268184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371779344145974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053798963821797614,0.0,0.07184947700193657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268791539556559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383621090387424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042179631038929466,0.05959522588195487,0.16019245974835866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087172947643018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358347860119108,0.0,0.0948189551186249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189647504530253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235992590203824,0.08561293095142278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055914631191147535,0.0,0.0,0.08285482866362373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741474806603313,0.0,0.0,0.1375362616233472,0.2039951689918009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530254636076527,0.0,0.32603817415006314,0.0,0.0,0.07382402687906002,0.07005174454460593,0.0,0.0,0.21276196414659612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457473166979361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997550143744832,0.0,0.061323258517421125,0.0,0.12867720961321538,0.0,0.08871805863920723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652751413696761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963377734198168,0.0,0.07283907893500327,0.0,0.0,0.07885881240347506,0.0,0.1597864971710361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872738062463964,0.0834425203301252,0.09495016116612633,0.053440953310394425,0.0,0.08236713252950525,0.08956180264731829,0.0,0.14248035567174355,0.0,0.13267777811705658,0.0,0.0,0.13294979262514056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068144929051133,0.1284414994717914,0.08250445934779246,0.0,0.0590450669322924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786223115953718,0.0,0.0627214174321482,0.13409958493756655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685698655884964,0.05542050520292751,0.05345213285997003,0.0,0.06622611879386807,0.04864284118782192,0.09587895602170116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766038330528374,0.0492032453148995,0.06621487002422441,0.06691444863347537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527352585902021,0.0,0.0,0.08041385081489698,0.0,0.060730714002249914,0.0,0.0,0.11851827199172163,0.0,0.0,0.05371971000565788
bpd,amijustinsane,2019/07/12,"Anyone here from the UK with a diagnosis? After many many years of struggling and being in denial, I am opening myself up to the possibility of having BPD and am wondering how to go about getting a diagnosis and starting the process of getting help.

About 5 years ago I went to the GP and came away with a diagnosis of depression and possible generalised anxiety disorder. I had about 12 one on one sessions with a psychologist and took anti depressants. I’m not convinced it really helped. Maybe I was depressed as well but the meds and the therapy didn’t help at all with the sheer intensity of emotion I’m sure you are all familiar with. The dissociating, the black and white thinking, the fear of abandonment and the literal grief you go through when something goes wrong.

My question is how did you go about getting a diagnosis? Did you come out and say ‘I think I may have bpd’? Did you wait for the doctor to suggest it themselves? I’m worried that I won’t be taken seriously and be fobbed off as a hypochondriac trying to self diagnose if I suggest it myself, but at the same time I don’t want to go back and forth with different incorrect diagnoses (like the one mentioned above). 

Any advice?",6.076358296622615,7.1363220396475775,6.946361233480178,72.21475477239355,66.48898678414096,10.634831130690165,34.95712187958884,10.650279960617883,3.9794343024963297,961,45,171,26,15,320,133,227,0.16,0.792,0.048,-0.9763,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,0,0,10,13,0,2,20,0,18,3,0,2,3,40,39,20,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,22,0,2,4,0,0,8,4,9,1,3,10,3,16,4,36,24,3,25,0,5,2,0,14,9,0,4,9,122,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214356218488022,0.10172910242522447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804172234269066,0.0,0.08779219626453315,0.0,0.0,0.08024387520986045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782216137926996,0.08824447238470681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890760614422002,0.0,0.0,0.13125652769097318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885682877466703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29653160998841777,0.2329609150805757,0.0,0.1199012910643565,0.1315265658593259,0.11746320844649664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909118644333145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913853849510354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987436537859008,0.0,0.26088631021385195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307665455737789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056066648367180935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327001985526525,0.11529330299682665,0.0,0.127474101474418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332959887129903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587525866323307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285590900470224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351912445152523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912629124024485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972122243380602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883489720847707,0.0,0.0,0.08122874602986388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997358646700892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816130987173947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312397213244174,0.0,0.0,0.14706900848519291,0.0,0.0,0.06691832524379161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750419521314038,0.07791549241383611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676892774482268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318432717470956,0.10638501526560898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445389873179658,0.0,0.11654582462902267,0.0,0.0,0.12547363163639388,0.0,0.14780522429930648
bpd,_wearedownstairs,2019/07/12,Holding a job Does anyone else constantly have the urge to fucking resign?,3.9207692307692312,7.2373768461538495,4.191153846153849,76.59134615384617,88.23076923076924,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.681030769230769,61,3,8,1,2,19,13,13,0.19699999999999998,0.8029999999999999,0.0,-0.4005,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28522797134668704,0.4179634513624181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44081787529525307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569745706102419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407657997808635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771165546497047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047988245453857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TrueDaikon,2019/07/12,Is anyone's fp a celebrity? or am I the only one? lol,-3.687692307692308,-2.260843999999995,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,104.3846153846154,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.3058923076923077,40,1,10,0,2,16,13,13,0.0,0.74,0.26,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5659326963246178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484523588820739,0.6155649383025618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,13thBaronet,2019/07/12,"Do you feel like you don't have a ""disorder""at all but you're just a bad person? I don't know how to differentiate between what are ""symptoms"" and what are just flaws in my character. I feel like everything I do is wrong, yet I feel like BPD is just an excuse to justify my shitty behavior. Nothing I do feels right.",3.2212499999999977,4.672112375000001,4.889500000000002,82.80550000000002,73.6875,8.870000000000003,26.8625,9.3871,2.2462537500000006,248,9,52,6,5,84,41,64,0.196,0.667,0.138,-0.7964,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,1,12,15,3,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,9,3,4,15,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199103938054535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28960250280175936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066560461920556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650600938412153,0.4928094555089389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263695002414985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370125137965805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063448649252354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077551682206501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963682645720475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389966285847504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251404267625884,0.0,0.0
bpd,mamamoonkin,2019/07/12,What's the longest depression episode you have had? I am currently in a super long depression episode and just wondering if others have experienced this. It's been 11 months since I felt that euphoria of happiness and wondering if this dark cloud is ever going to leave me or is this life now?? Idk how much longer I can take it honestly.,6.587499999999999,7.339357750000001,6.875000000000004,74.27000000000002,65.25,12.025,34.75,11.698219412168324,4.39848125,272,12,50,9,4,88,51,64,0.133,0.664,0.204,0.8095,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,1,11,13,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,5,3,3,10,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,5,5,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347693523832293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22830282091989024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423356957058755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344006884513544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26867575032164864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672464597905819,0.0,0.0,0.1782717831730904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335878906721854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145671631577752,0.0,0.18553700391535155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878109423766167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976721317538792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5474162530797776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sweetpotato779,2019/07/12,"How do I stop getting dragged down every time he splits? I'm BPD traits, that are largely under control, with a much more BPD FP that I love dearly but I'm having problems with his splitting episodes. When he's in his right mind, he's sweet, funny, charming, playful, charismatic, and the most understanding person you've ever met. He's well-liked and people go to him with their problems. He listens sympathetically and bends over backwards to help. But it's different with me. We're deeply bonded and his BPD traits show up big time around me. As soon as I walk in the room, he stiffens up and gets nervous. Around me, he's always hyper vigiliant for any sign that I'm  gonna reject, abandon, or otherwise hurt him. I've stuck by him through so much and assured him over and over that I'm committed to making something work, but it only does so much.

The good times are very good. He's a very fun and passionate person. Loves to joke around and have a good time. And his love is so immensely deep. Just one look in his eyes and I know how much I mean to him. I've never had anybody look at me the way he does. And he does so much sweet stuff for me that he doesn't have to do, like hold the door open when I'm walking through and he grew his hair longer without me asking because he knew it was my preference. And he tells me how grateful he is for me and that he loves me. He can be such a sweetie.

But when he gets triggered all this goes out the window and I become the enemy who he thinks is out to ruin everything for him. He talks to me like everything is wrong with me and I don't do anything right and like no matter what I do, I'll never measure up in his eyes.

For the longest time I was able to look past this as just the BPD talking and not what he actually thinks. I can tell he feels immensely horrible when he comes out of a splitting episode and realizes what he's done. And he generally feels like a piece of shit and apologizes and goes back to being a sweetie for awhile.

But the thing is, these episodes happen now like twice a week and I've been dealing with them for over a year now. They're starting to wear on me. While he's splitting there is no reasoning with him and the only thing I can do is just stay away from him until he calms down. But while that keeps me from hearing any more bad things said about me, it still sucks sitting around with the knowledge that I'm currently hated by the person I love most. I know the hate is temporary but gosh it's just so tiring dealing with him so frequently acting like this. So many times during the drama I've wished I could just give him a hug and a kiss and put a stop to it. But it's not that easy.

He's getting help for his BPD and I know it can take years to overcome it, but in the mean time what can I do to handle his splitting better? I hear a lot of you here talking about your awesome partners who deal with your splitting episodes really well. What strategies do they use?",3.1106698967769124,4.492415419141917,3.7698637736114047,90.99946387191912,73.85148514851484,6.6755986236921565,24.774805140088482,7.125416948008024,0.8312088055614071,2328,72,505,23,47,736,257,606,0.114,0.6809999999999999,0.205,0.9968,2,0,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,3,3,3,35,41,4,1,29,0,35,14,5,8,6,109,85,58,0,5,18,0,3,6,1,1,1,4,3,4,33,47,0,6,15,4,0,7,9,13,1,2,9,14,57,28,73,72,12,74,0,4,5,8,82,33,2,4,37,316,90,1,0.06268301129295116,0.0,0.061169576888835175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052157286827074864,0.0,0.0,0.08525319434250776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158277735540005,0.22320467848342626,0.05860015397437335,0.0,0.058892752508281035,0.04819936649290315,0.05233769615848335,0.0382109818815068,0.06922846121898171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055438029607733495,0.0,0.0,0.3947352920031822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399586389574378,0.0,0.0,0.07030432720968068,0.05004728395437085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387029672372946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654904054022621,0.0,0.0,0.1645629767874614,0.06414648362936932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670037238459676,0.052813140510420194,0.0,0.11267089745240776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338882784694089,0.04478075579234218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099714501873708,0.06013125617007624,0.03562419984834625,0.15772660769160018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543037987253288,0.0,0.0,0.12377299269575626,0.0,0.0,0.14129661877930502,0.0,0.08403020233699036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710346002998012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571554054757102,0.0,0.0,0.10334683111272007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374251845921752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791382709882784,0.0,0.0,0.05329085463557076,0.2828693250002217,0.0,0.04184139677960458,0.06355073496339707,0.0,0.13656035090493482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632919724879924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303961285001865,0.0,0.09669000518838887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042475630701186665,0.09534650938591474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598380270096907,0.04345650750336032,0.16419716299364692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995835256353472,0.0,0.06301373951330723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015634212450162,0.06444857544994229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706189830005074,0.05962589800474865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434321031313782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482564445081676,0.0,0.0,0.04436735802083937,0.0668117497982487,0.05005873378949738,0.1048116084007096,0.0,0.0,0.07175705115136996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04712982349529185,0.15114669026102112,0.10957542947119976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493142223991435,0.0803294852149197,0.0,0.0,0.25585677577840554,0.07204490043778111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525522539108677,0.0,0.054137995935888916,0.0,0.10344009802538093,0.0,0.04975485671033096,0.05028053067825025,0.0,0.1127191101587768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208236948595631,0.0604241860379306,0.0,0.04563397877232981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853403270487657,0.0,0.08073160825881566
bpd,yble_k,2019/07/12,"How to support my sister * *Tl;dr: I want to support my younger sister in her mental health journey but I don’t want her to rely on me as a parent figure.**

My (28F) younger sister (25F) has recently been diagnosed with BPD.  I had a feeling a long time ago that this was going to eventually be her diagnosis but she finally found herself and trusted and reliable therapist and psychiatrist to help her work through it and learn better coping mechanisms for life.

We had a very traumatic upbringing and continue to be mentally abused by our parents - she lives with them so she gets it more than I do.  Because of this, she also has an attachment disorder.

Me, being the older sibling, took on a lot of the parenting role, and I am still in that situation to this day because I only live 2 minutes from my family.

I am trying to figure out how to support my sister but also make her realize that her actions have consequences.  For example, last night, at around 11:30pm, she and her friend (who has her own, untreated mental health issues) took cops on a low speed chase through our town which ended in my driveway.  She and her friend were drunk and, against her instincts and better judgement, drove her to the house of the mother of her ex’s kids so that she could harass her.  My sister knew this was wrong, but was pressured into the situation and ended up getting arrested because she was overwhelmed with the situation, doesn’t feel comfortable “disappointing” people, and doesn’t think about the long term consequences of her actions.  She ended up getting lucky and only getting a charge for failure to obey a police officer.

When I went to go pick her up at the police station, she asked me if I was mad at her.  I told her yes, I was mad at the situation but I wasn’t mad at her as a person.  

I understand her.  I understand that life gets too overwhelming for her and she doesn’t know how to cope with it so she chooses outlets and people she knows are not good but distract her from her problems at the time.  And because I understand her, and I don’t judge her, I am her go to person whenever anything goes wrong (hence her leading a procession of police cars into my driveway).  She never receives support or understanding from our parent so I am her pseudo parent.

Is there a way for me to still be there for her but also set up boundaries, without her feeling like I’m abandoning her or that she’s a burden?  I love her more than life itself, and I never want to hurt her, but I also need to have my own life and not always be on edge waiting for that next crisis to occur.  I’m almost 30, I have a long term boyfriend, and I’m ready to start MY life, but I also know I still need to support her because I’m one of the only people, if not the only person, outside from her therapists, who understands her mindset as much as one can.  

Sorry if this is a jumble and doesn’t make sense - I’m happy to elaborate on anything at all.",5.149631578947369,6.045264980701755,6.076140350877197,78.21631578947371,68.49122807017544,8.87719298245614,30.964912280701753,9.063066167217693,2.65159649122807,2309,91,426,41,38,764,239,570,0.132,0.7390000000000001,0.129,-0.8346,5,0,0,0,1,0,64.0,4,0,1,4,21,32,4,4,27,1,38,10,0,8,3,90,86,52,0,10,18,12,3,1,2,0,8,0,2,4,19,30,1,2,19,1,0,13,13,16,0,2,18,3,94,16,78,62,9,67,0,6,0,1,82,25,0,8,28,324,113,3,0.0,0.06955654885753237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520389816349754,0.0,0.05878518893112495,0.0,0.0,0.2347342776282941,0.04884777076371845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661943083682528,0.05226043967785586,0.05488182116430329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789319764458618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384068369388673,0.0,0.0,0.07393766136666316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04687165308377944,0.0,0.0,0.03786026219348596,0.0,0.0,0.05958495893766552,0.0,0.0,0.06728171567517632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559872385256141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055342424935743866,0.0,0.08904996176030493,0.04193929988771747,0.0,0.06430912682060498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436767183139856,0.09071161812933884,0.0,0.15335629256828912,0.0,0.10009125399499842,0.04923948083804327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249321402834996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480263757612765,0.0,0.0,0.03934913327254822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773839257763982,0.06284557024341379,0.0,0.0,0.061273405189786724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678920477762126,0.04785290790987826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073275442185276,0.028680595966714236,0.0,0.10367625925727694,0.15585785386563852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990941073433508,0.052984105517259836,0.0,0.0783729017615596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748434310132685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315537848868013,0.0870589326937418,0.09055477184318204,0.0,0.0624340827920655,0.0550912386489132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956088200733931,0.1785930487161078,0.0,0.0,0.32592816572707245,0.0,0.0,0.12209723583325086,0.15377842418373364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617334090483299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796470809404668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639502635869977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571612468161071,0.041552133284447776,0.0,0.1406471291908943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330921556439023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363234771039672,0.0,0.03761618479461438,0.0,0.0,0.06846342718819676,0.0,0.0,0.05609572662859776,0.13044818670165886,0.0398572560077784,0.0,0.0,0.3055730545960759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843827683054877,0.1038782702895333,0.04659778111207805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442068910136053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056590113629778414,0.0,0.04273838364134434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283707386919975,0.0,0.0
bpd,lawindyearz_,2019/07/12,"Might have a combination of Bipolar 1 & BPD, not too sure? Possible trigger warning. Could multiple instances in my life growing up cause this? (LONG) Back in April 2018, I [F24] was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. There was multiple things in my life that were not the ‘best’ things that could’ve happened to me, I had recently ended a relationship + started dating someone who I knew not to get involved with given their relationship status + some months before that I had recently had an abortion (which still hurts to talk about & I still carry that decision with a heavy heart). I was admitted into a Behavioral Health facility when I started to have an episode. My breathing was heavy, I felt as if I couldn’t control my own words & thoughts, apparently I was ‘someone else’. My cousin admitted me, calling 51/50 where I was taken by the cops. 

It was the worst 3 days of my life being in that place. But, my episode stopped about 4 hours after being admitted. 

Around October (which is the time I had the abortion), I had a breakdown which in where I self-harmed for the first time in 8 years. I was splitting my arm open, in the middle of the street. Where my SO couldn’t mentally handle it (which, again, I feel so bad about as well) & had my grandparents talk to me. 

I’ve never really had a great mental adolescence if that makes sense? Back in 2004, my parents were planning on being divorced. My dad was my best friend, my mother decided to leave him for reasons that don’t really matter & are irrelevant to discuss. In 2005, I was 10 years old when my father was murdered by his new girlfriends ex-husband, ex-husbands friend, & friends brother. 

The night that happened, I didn’t tell my dad goodbye. I laughed & told him I would see him later then sat down to watch tv. Usually, goodbyes were more personal, a hug & a kiss from my favorite person in the world. 

My relationship with my mother has been estranged since then, I never really was raised by here. Just my paternal grandparents most of my life. 

Here I am now, freaking out having bursts of emotion. Either happy one moment, crying out of nowhere, panic attacks, etc. It’s lately been happening a bit more than usual. 

I watched some YouTube videos on BPD, where I was more than 5+ traits that I could relate with. The relationship with my SO to me is amazing. My personally bounces around making it hard for my relationship at times, but in the in between of being happy that I have someone who cares about my mental health I also feel guilt bc I know it’s not easy to love someone like me. 

My question here after this long story, (sorry about that) could these instances have caused me to have BPD? 


I am willing to answer any questions to help try to at least give me an idea with what I’m working with. 

Please. Any help will be appreciated greatly.",5.04629114045159,6.520172979477612,5.312537313432838,81.45316685801762,69.205223880597,8.10937619594336,30.348067355530038,8.5409612609427,2.3204468618446232,2231,89,413,35,39,706,269,536,0.063,0.826,0.111,0.9740000000000001,4,0,0,0,1,0,94.0,0,0,1,6,30,26,2,2,24,0,53,15,3,7,3,62,79,14,1,8,10,8,4,1,4,4,9,0,0,3,28,14,0,2,16,2,0,1,10,8,1,2,33,7,67,18,71,32,14,74,0,1,3,3,44,32,0,8,42,293,95,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046451709391930426,0.0,0.503493114490123,0.0,0.07900154946789525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341850287644808,0.0,0.0660817172620835,0.0,0.08932978208446311,0.04849975562778975,0.0,0.0,0.04942728675760978,0.0,0.12191628157477725,0.0,0.06341535410787898,0.0,0.21947353366698136,0.0,0.05931275519661178,0.0,0.059223002333248474,0.1193415601256021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651488876950309,0.185509200425755,0.0,0.06380523273102118,0.037460951904497546,0.0,0.0,0.05895651936027518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852377163305351,0.06533943284138267,0.05144734964468723,0.0,0.06478174106769713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874050418266932,0.0,0.0557720967449658,0.0,0.0,0.04940830077483642,0.0,0.0,0.1346323308548155,0.0,0.030347770286393662,0.05572181131186483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808102221018544,0.0,0.0,0.15409695547351565,0.123668202460377,0.052034045728375805,0.0,0.0,0.12348635040879748,0.0,0.06883271746189076,0.07786823986972867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720344808526336,0.0,0.06218274116190105,0.06557252653831527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031922791294288086,0.0,0.06552404046683329,0.0615051586468719,0.0,0.0,0.1641126967955155,0.02837810315762325,0.0,0.0,0.10280935259174276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242528481026721,0.0,0.07754630669226678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561242462457355,0.06162053923341285,0.0,0.0,0.046364046532886664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959969520031075,0.05610025091673297,0.0,0.05451019411432431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095195324444218,0.0,0.03936087868494924,0.0,0.0,0.06815192824076509,0.06449812353768476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521565308464087,0.06068797236234015,0.06376147400549684,0.0,0.06548373952786839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014022508754486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163499291486684,0.05972254014422688,0.11470671444229585,0.31181552051490674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046287376497996836,0.0,0.06059683072427133,0.0,0.0,0.04804970787496071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196865826723542,0.0,0.0,0.06502302000622028,0.08222777003196703,0.0,0.09277582064275404,0.04856286928447517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474578735476157,0.0,0.0,0.09337536905727364,0.050770113534142416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718010654653734,0.0,0.0,0.04611414932035279,0.1016120202763167,0.0,0.0,0.0555040878096005,0.0,0.0394368835250572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794802641068995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222669030681505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228762404978347,0.0,0.0,0.041262944223167126,0.0,0.0,0.07481153278383958
bpd,ZeroGravitas_Ally,2019/07/12,"Creating good boundaries? Hi all,

Just a quick query. A lot of the advice and shared experience I've head and read emphasises the importance of creating and maintaining boundaries if you have BPD. What does that look like in practice for you? I'd love to hear some examples.",4.388200000000001,7.22940942,4.829999999999998,78.245,74.8,9.6,30.0,9.888512548439397,3.5494000000000003,221,10,39,7,5,70,41,50,0.0,0.669,0.331,0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,8,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,5,4,3,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,3,2,23,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977263001857777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38372932234654217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666244140705195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298032030365021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555481505017829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31268593626823715,0.0,0.3433925017122825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884952338733826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558514827927341,0.0,0.0,0.2590250219685298,0.27498239096919624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047588991995958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,YesIHearClemFandango,2019/07/12,"Anyone else can't stand getting in trouble? Long time reader, first time poster.

​

I'm diagnosed BPD, but this might be unrelated. I'm at work and just got a call saying the way I usually park isn't correct (I have a bike, and I buddy up next to my boss). It was just a patronizing voice mail, but now i just cannot focus on anything at all, I'm anxious in my chest and stomache, and so worried about (??).

​

When I talk about defining memories, I always talk about how unbearable I found being yelled at in school for like, talking in class (I was a relatively good kid), and how my shame in those moments felt disproportionate.

​

Just wanted to know if anyone gets this? I'm a 22yr old male, if that means anything :)",4.2393706293706295,5.85383377622378,4.910769230769231,83.0092307692308,71.37762237762237,7.437762237762238,28.384615384615394,8.00094639256281,1.815383216783217,582,22,112,8,11,187,95,143,0.092,0.831,0.077,-0.2868,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,1,6,0,9,3,2,3,2,24,21,13,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,4,11,2,16,13,1,22,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,3,11,67,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744348351991773,0.380660368967252,0.4268981928980721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229904079022126,0.0,0.16376968676185727,0.11999128834445401,0.19274029846710897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474937990872452,0.0,0.1195806635831664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886245520522094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978289541971915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244232907542533,0.0,0.0,0.0996122566484506,0.0,0.12840320185045226,0.0,0.0,0.12236850225847408,0.0,0.0,0.09822488241643416,0.09366220225951916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435965676765529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057213197997148336,0.0,0.0,0.10363715666827278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756526568375462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423339545529966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454600123018378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288545678749535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931292172644674,0.0,0.11851984754137855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823816367283599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657357817207166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289782429734508,0.0,0.06907350707976749,0.09295511432493182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525623415176373,0.1189291590353802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268981928980721,0.0
bpd,feed-me-your-secrets,2019/07/12,"My therapist thinks people with BPD are actively vengeful. As a disclaimer, I am not diagnosed with BPD. I am currently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and am seeking a more accurate diagnosis with my therapist as we no longer believe it to represent who I am. My therapist and I were discussing the possibility of my having BPD, and she ruled it out as a diagnosis for me because I don't actively split and get aggressive and criticize her.

The thing is, I do split. I have idealized her, and then thought she was hopeless and couldn't help me. I just don't verbally attack her, or other people, for it. However, in her mind, people with BPD must very obviously and publicly split, and deserve to make other people, like their therapists, feel awful about themselves in the moment. She describes it as a vengeful process in which the person with BPD wants to make the other person feel miserable for how they've failed them, and she seems to think they can't help but express this.

Is this true? Do people with BPD fundamentally have to behave like this in therapy, or can they express it quietly or even simply feel these things, without actually acting on them?

For the record, I'm not trying to discredit my therapist. She's actually really great and has been very receptive to me, but this is one issue she is being very stubborn about, and I hope she knows what she's doing. She's also still a trainee, so I don't think how widely she has treated people with BPD before.",8.547034161490686,7.815581539855072,8.77248447204969,67.28152173913045,61.5,12.378467908902692,38.19254658385093,11.629938488055165,4.597967701863353,1179,51,202,31,14,390,139,276,0.079,0.826,0.095,0.8626,2,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,1,0,5,2,9,13,3,1,11,1,28,3,0,4,3,53,43,26,0,5,9,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,0,2,18,22,0,1,9,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,4,4,38,7,33,36,1,12,0,3,0,0,29,7,0,5,6,158,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.14696909797237134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021952258768809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566766470791183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045903812200380735,0.0,0.0640770307554084,0.08484032883987308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.663887588045586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528612615459238,0.0,0.0,0.08630339032238793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049736707133551925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422588634773505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393425400737767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302146585137657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094759248005726,0.0,0.0,0.07479254803941775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859642922909361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041384381254705525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357816736850198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053024159016166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603423612326968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102704193381778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313232363225526,0.1315027838029907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848924524682788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482408223178763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855272782812834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013681412290701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611517240841507,0.43716105246962256,0.10005550345380364,0.14475274208709468,0.0,0.05978191315154099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112557383383975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186397781473032,0.04441546917983728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258909223655513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,innsmouse,2019/07/12,"Another day of feeling like I want to peel my face off and live in a hole I don't feel the need to ask DAE because I already know some of you feel this way. 

I'm so frustrated with myself. I am an adult, why can't I just grow up? I'm embarrassed to go out in public because I am overweight and disgusting looking. I don't feel this way about other people, why can't I just be nice to myself?

I try to tell myself that nobody else gives a fuck about what I look like, I know that they don't, so why can't I convince myself to make a short trip to the store? 

A week ago, I was feeling great. I had the same body and face, but I cycle through not giving a fuck what other people think about me and hating myself so hard that I don't want to be seen in public. 

I'm mostly venting, but does anyone else have a good way to cope? I have no clue what I look like. I feel like I only see 2 extremes of myself.",3.328787878787878,3.015202232323233,4.850050505050503,89.6784090909091,72.13131313131315,7.408080808080808,24.07575757575757,6.42735559955562,0.5322848484848492,694,15,165,4,12,235,101,198,0.163,0.725,0.11199999999999999,-0.8969,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,8,14,5,1,10,0,15,6,3,1,0,27,43,9,0,3,5,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,6,1,0,9,0,1,3,9,6,0,0,3,12,30,8,23,38,3,16,0,0,5,2,9,7,2,2,7,104,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078725397883048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429005377914965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276045829306405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508981613895662,0.1246877473528158,0.0,0.0,0.11376551291353368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836452322566954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517228359883682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848121757089792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649341449961998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331595890050125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691865306095572,0.1738734561550606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22500442818840585,0.0,0.2334759462685171,0.06916031943625417,0.10206940429993687,0.0,0.13416576541363515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090120527186184,0.1201455716740405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375738744837393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378100902337643,0.0,0.10745619005653798,0.0,0.30657167801800705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123029792263092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023301269428706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255218467128302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873170223111106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697270039977864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636409711451683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797526514650413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262082191981307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435540882736602,0.2897801324582973,0.09761391351765598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294240747742892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DismalFinance,2019/04/06,"Why do we mimic? Does anybody ever question this? Why do we mimic? Why is it that we start to mirror personalities. Why is it that a tv show I'm watching may influence how I talk. Once I mimicked my friend SO BAD we couldn't be friends anymore, it was like the film Single White Female. I'm over that now. I think I know who I am now, but I still find myself without a true sense of self and even at times subtly mirroring whoever I'm talking to. Do we all get this as having a personality disorder?",0.3655190440627365,2.728392601941753,2.966019417475728,87.90958177744587,89.0,5.499327856609411,21.515309932785662,7.010146845296331,0.76828215085885,390,14,81,6,13,135,73,103,0.124,0.838,0.038,-0.8613,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,5,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,11,0,0,2,3,19,18,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,9,6,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,13,4,7,14,2,8,0,0,2,0,14,2,0,2,7,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005931878646294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317631091392571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652774310243,0.0,0.15006086535981172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325908247393444,0.15511095713670486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672706684037088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649657400265413,0.0,0.08958976674883322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423939218721472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377510501342061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261763628479555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29945457780914525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209372385853965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888813178278246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137245451510972,0.0,0.13694192444580486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756537780199952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987567465579696,0.0,0.0,0.09998974234925816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.618926055515687,0.0,0.0,0.16529791492332166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Grootsap,2019/04/06,"Tips for avoiding compulsive spending? So I know that overspending and compulsive spending are symptoms of BPD but I haven’t talked about it much with my therapist. My symptoms surrounding relationships are much more severe and I recently left and abusive relationship so we’ve been focusing heavily on that. 

But I just came into $1,600 unexpectedly and the compulsion to spend it on unnecessary stuff is almost overwhelming. My original plan was to spend $150 on a tattoo as an indulgence and save the rest. But because the tattoo appointment isn’t for 10 days, I haven’t experienced that rush you get from spending money and having the item immediately. 

I need to save this money. I need to move and buy school books in July, my car might need repairs, etc. But I’m struggling. I want to buy purses and clothes and fancy pens and nice-smelling soaps. What strategies have people used to curb compulsive and unnecessary spending?",6.005679862306366,8.552841409638557,6.165611015490537,71.97710843373495,68.63855421686746,9.803098106712566,32.941480206540454,10.125756701596842,3.906490189328745,758,35,121,21,14,241,105,166,0.091,0.8340000000000001,0.075,-0.5852,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,3,6,0,11,2,0,2,0,32,20,18,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,14,0,2,1,1,10,4,3,3,0,0,3,1,13,2,18,16,6,14,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,2,3,80,21,3,0.0,0.19576206215840744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654468198688153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071831702538032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809239817165776,0.0,0.0,0.18897092679782795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655507098311404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426715464882332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632212083905104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080215849863696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951511211437765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752753360024939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560574391926248,0.2429156139840809,0.3675319536412991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454472206738975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631376336992012,0.3547750202056505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721434703323407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866547939250136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727267986191684,0.1891406362987999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434596118196223,0.0,0.13279986989302475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183646570172733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269949551933864,0.0,0.0,0.09745271887568316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ndenimchickenn,2019/04/06,"""I have BPD so I must hide myself"" I got diagnosed with BPD about 5 years ago. Ever since, I lurked this sub, read and did research about this disorder.  I went to therapy and was told that I was wired all wrong. I learned that my perception of people and life is distorted. I learned that my reactions were over the top, I learned that I was in the wrong in so many situations. I didn't have a lot of confidence to begin with, but this made me feel super insecure. And I internalize every single thing. I sometimes lurk subs for relationship advice out of boredom and if someone made a post about a partner who's being manipulative, abusive and generally an ass you can make sure that there is at least one asshole armchair diagnosing said partner with BPD in the comments. There are tons of content online that says ""someone you know and love has BPD? RUN FOR YOUR LIFE."" 

I know I have BPD and I've been trying my best to make it easier for me and mostly people around me. And I think I do a decent job. Nobody can tell I have 29 mood swings a day, hate myself and criticize everything I do every second, get angry at super small stuff etc.  I treat everyone around me with respect and love. I honestly can say that I made a decent progress over the years. 

But this process, and the way world sees BPD sufferers has taken away all my confidence. I have no belief in myself. My career isn't moving an inch and I haven't made a new friend in like 2 years. I want to work and do my best but I'm too afraid to put myself out there. I NEED to socialize, I need friends. But everytime I go out there I feel like a fraud. I feel like I have a mask of a ""normal"" person on, and what's underneath is worthless. So I don't try anymore. I never enjoy it anyway. I'm an artist who passionately hates her art. I feel like nothing about me is genuine.

I know that I shouldn't even care about what people think of me. But I hate that feeling I get when I feel like ""the weird and different one"" in the room. I know it's necessarily a bad thing and I want to make peace with myself. Whenever I'm around people I get visibly anxious because at the moment I'm not being myself, I constantly think about what's the appropriate way to approach and how to react to what and how I will come across if I do that. I just wanna be ""me"" and not feel guilty about it! Does anyone have any advice for me? 

Sorry for the long post, it's way longer than I intended. You can read the last paragraph as TL;DR. 
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bpd,goingnowherejust,2019/04/06,"Are there any magic words? Hey all I am in a relationship with a girl who has BPD and it seems like all the time there are these contradictory impossible situations where the only option is for me to just walk away. I dont want to walk away from her though, you know?

​",2.9956363636363648,5.135753654545457,4.147272727272728,84.92090909090909,76.0909090909091,7.309090909090909,20.090909090909093,8.238735603445708,0.7561999999999998,221,5,47,4,5,72,46,55,0.07400000000000001,0.879,0.047,-0.1235,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,2,10,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620379976596781,0.29386707099306514,0.16446229144994895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544410142988536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045941968024957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834395017256507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329112008839938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815281861534588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393334743989773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596500719742472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201657993490992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718429182334746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23761061516725185,0.0,0.14102124836840824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264592504562246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29386707099306514,0.0
bpd,dizzydiddle,2019/04/06,"Does anyone else get this insense need to flee from themselves and their feelings sometimes? Does anyone else get this insense need to flee from themselves and their feelings sometimes? 
My feelings build up until they are more than I can handle and I enter this weird dysphoric state. When it happenes it’s like every fiber in my body is trying to tear itself to pieces and I have so much of this nervous, agitated energy that I almost explode. It’s like I’ve chugged several cups of coffee. 

When I try to direct this energy into something to distract myself, like art or videogames, nothing I do gives me any joy or pleasure and instead leads me to focus even more on how discontent and uncomfortable I am with just being alive. I lack a better way of describing it, but everything just feels...wrong and I can’t put my finger on what it is. It’s just overwhelming and close to unbearable.

I just get so desperate to literally escape this feeling and myself that I once jumped out of a second story window, (it wasn’t very high up) and twisted my ankle because of this.  

Do you think this has anything to do with BPD or is it “just” my depression wreaking havoc on me?",6.2720849420849465,7.018111369369374,6.487078507078508,76.79675675675678,65.93693693693695,8.865379665379669,32.07335907335907,8.841846274778883,2.713611583011584,932,36,162,14,14,299,129,222,0.11,0.7979999999999999,0.091,-0.8506,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,3,2,12,11,0,3,2,0,14,2,2,2,0,35,26,20,0,3,9,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,20,15,0,0,5,1,0,6,2,5,0,1,1,5,25,6,29,24,5,21,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,4,6,122,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351616536414796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974637967477806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042798925850736,0.2937004170544455,0.11794169981841986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736769103736453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675656065338806,0.0,0.15919830500604362,0.18050889736475906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234429298313667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508438953796208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23945408907715424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466275356590116,0.0,0.12075486982082645,0.0,0.12880846909470162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898714062740453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246393090917847,0.13748741204942505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673906987799788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514274407788063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100595011265794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535807655207766,0.212542723908571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375212143959527,0.0,0.0,0.1526331303663301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407808053663387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619129354809824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033618940820207,0.2834980186639322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183487704151733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461230449987904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825556528724047,0.0,0.11376224149791782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669998257234466,0.0,0.0
bpd,orangutsam,2019/04/06,"Pushing partners away This is textbook I know but I don't know what to do... Whenever I start dating a partner, I can't handle it as soon as we get into a pattern of spending quite a bit of time together - I flip into depressive nonverbal moods for no reason and end up making negative remarks to most things they say. I know I'm doing it, but I don't know how to stop. I have been like this since I first dated someone when I was 16 (I'm 23 now).

Tonight I was meant to be going out with my partner and my housemate, to the pub, but I started feeling horrible as I was getting ready, ended up going nonverbal and just saying I felt unwell, then ended up excusing myself to the toilet where I started crying and just realised I couldn't go out in that state and I just felt really bad and gross. I took all my makeup off and changed into a sweater and went to my room, and I couldn't stop crying for half an hour. I messaged the group chat saying I can't go out because my stomach is bad. My partner said they would stay in to look after me, but I told them to go out because they were ready and I didn't want to cause the plans to change (I made sure not to be passive aggressive or anything in this message) and then they messaged back saying okay they'll still go out and that they love me. And then I started crying even more because they're going without me, even though I told them to. They came up to get their bag from my room and I had clearly been crying but just said I was feeling ill again. I feel even worse as a result of what my mood swing has caused because now I feel insecure about my partner going out without me and fomo.

It's extremely unfair on my partners even though I'm very aware of the language I use, having been in an abusive relationship I never use passive aggressive language or try to make them feel bad in any way, but these negative moods happen every time I get close with someone and I don't know how to deal with it any more. I think it stems from insecurity but obviously it pushes them further away.

Does anyone have any advice on calming down in the moment. I get very angrily embarrassed and can't bring myself to admit I'm having one of these mood swings at the time so I seclude myself away and it's really rude and bad for my partners' mental health, and I know I'm actually giving them a valid reason to leave.

Thank you",5.430835803200949,5.267905186721993,6.204069353882632,81.24299792531122,67.67219917012449,8.628452874925904,30.492294013040905,8.07648339933343,2.031133135743925,1868,64,374,21,28,616,218,482,0.21899999999999997,0.706,0.075,-0.9978,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,1,13,3,24,22,3,3,15,1,31,4,1,12,5,91,88,42,0,4,16,0,7,1,7,2,2,6,2,7,17,35,0,2,18,2,1,14,16,12,0,3,21,14,71,6,66,61,5,79,0,1,1,1,41,32,0,3,31,264,88,1,0.0,0.08207607642087919,0.06759954846445873,0.0,0.0,0.06769186584091831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132215071177398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843664254490407,0.0,0.05700501188858479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525017238343348,0.05326594651969745,0.2313571424182453,0.16891044554829596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562715998219059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922879468153775,0.0,0.14232299712131966,0.1465613314718471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043684679417607,0.0,0.07141646324725412,0.05966393305703228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062045595539639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840634810121661,0.0,0.0,0.1830141977176284,0.0,0.05836470731165137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513020189480138,0.0,0.13302410251935162,0.0,0.0,0.058922788017397414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095898941504995,0.0664520824311894,0.3149513135959446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612570634157937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736329719305523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821903592176977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22842071087556245,0.0,0.0,0.07334912085808377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03384283471541846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817109283794845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252074844072163,0.06554690830017268,0.09247929030353604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698099543808162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053426891472861116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046940547935478735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367937414174408,0.0,0.0,0.08875492470820408,0.1424464520168651,0.0,0.07437227966840604,0.0,0.0,0.131787204911812,0.22035172424479813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057302572786638285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738800155022493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612451295651495,0.07383481050865923,0.05532076520689837,0.11582910593934237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528810690840463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377641577754682,0.0,0.0,0.046021285754456534,0.0443867458718856,0.13611891565470915,0.0,0.12117930462830655,0.0,0.0,0.13238486443839578,0.07696381948607152,0.04703118892113794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965765552662412,0.0,0.11431342630246948,0.04085846212322152,0.05498494543528738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421590361978513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355160850367434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059415820289347,0.04920889156895762,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meandmycharisma,2019/04/06,"Yesterday I met him, I fell in love and Today I lost him.. i wanna die! I met him through very unknown app. I created profile and he was first one I found.. i deleted app right after half an hour. But i kept talking to him. He asked me to meet and i went to meet him. This skiny guy (I am not into skiny guys) had the most fucking killing stabbing in heart kind of smile. I cried seeing him smiling at me. He cooked dinner for me (knowing my allergies and no possibility of eating out, so he cooked considering to keep out  all bad ingredient for me).  His hugs were amazing, heavenly and breathtakingly strong. I told him I didn't want sex and may be just love making..... and i cant tell. There is no spot on my body that he didn't kiss, he left his lip signature (hickie) everywhere.  We made passionate love several times. After Whole night sleeping in his tight hug, our morning started with passionate love making. I had funnily told him to play a game... that we don't even know each other's name.  So i dont know his name, but these 24 hrs.. are crushing my soul. He dropped me off to my train station.. saying we ""may be"" meet again because my eyes tell him something which he doesn't think is right. he gave me amazing kiss and assuring hug... called me several times while I was on the way home.

And here I am.. fully drunk, standing in front of a mirror.. seeing my beats and my tummy and my legs and my feet and my love handles... all covered with bruises caused by his passionate kissing. I am certain I will never see him again but why am I crying... why does it hurt so much?
why i dont deserve his love for good?
why love hurts us soo much?. Oh lord why???? ",2.359307238272756,4.153126198198201,3.593981567774673,89.74756756756756,76.8078078078078,6.635145490317905,24.69597183390287,7.503015589744147,1.0656980221600914,1276,44,273,17,29,415,186,333,0.095,0.6970000000000001,0.20800000000000002,0.9926,0,0,1,0,0,1,70.0,5,0,0,4,9,31,2,0,5,0,24,30,7,4,5,51,55,20,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,7,22,5,3,5,5,0,3,11,6,0,3,17,6,61,25,30,33,7,34,3,3,4,18,56,14,1,3,14,167,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831595262874516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994651472823663,0.05106692122752101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305233095632158,0.0,0.0,0.0855410599750514,0.0,0.0,0.08605740467105713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404025311837746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869425997032737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330985455640142,0.0,0.1963614259596531,0.0,0.0,0.08572015241519715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533092751029319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125682167074739,0.0,0.09185219132723033,0.0,0.07744630023623274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026437474134711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589583543274733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927078236604524,0.0,0.0,0.08403061954965085,0.0,0.08249900998901459,0.0,0.17936032725207587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744608219991484,0.0926818280610805,0.08723613806670216,0.13811747889423978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101903566542356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914475488255152,0.0,0.5292554851160036,0.07926753829834368,0.11183755078681376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316481143280028,0.0,0.06461049461848248,0.0,0.0,0.07861478982941386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056766394902732525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944408748468326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308246628971366,0.0,0.06661923191209687,0.0,0.0,0.20026744176583705,0.0,0.0,0.18927809637061088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383297122179736,0.0,0.0,0.06449214150164248,0.0,0.0,0.05929458667535506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733313954345761,0.14644166545182966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053678017309769455,0.0,0.0,0.09769680390926633,0.0,0.07940650795583895,0.16009637348469616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076796887633044,0.0,0.0,0.06912106255225174,0.049411174304850536,0.06649468878324652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765792058770002,0.3779581288751338,0.0935289730153786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,test238888,2019/04/06,"I browse this subreddit to remind myself why it's better to stay alone. When I am alone for a few weeks I always get more ""stable"". Everything sucks but it sucks the same all the time. No more mood swings. But I miss other people, friends and especially body contact.

I browse this subreddit to remind myself why I should stay alone. When I have no social interactions I always forget that I have borderline and how it feels like. I mean posts like this:

https://old.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/b7p9dd/one_bpd_trait_ive_noticed_is_treating_everyone_of/

https://old.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/b7t8ev/im_forever_breaking_my_own_heart_by_exaggerating/

But as soon as I meet someone new everything starts again. Making them my favorite person. Spinning my whole life around them. Exaggerating my place in their life. Having constant moods swings. Becoming more and more irrational and suicidal. Talking so much about myself. Hoping that if I am more open THIS TIME it won't happen again - well because the other person ""knows me"". Meeting someone and having a good time - and then hating myself for everything I did when I am alone again. Always producing drama at the end of the encounter because I can't deal with leaving. And AS SOON AS I LEFT I know what I just did. And that I should not have made such a drama about leaving. But in the situation I could not do anything different. In the end I break down and can't thing straight anymore. I end the friendship which has become like a ""relationship"" at this point.

I get more space. I can think clear again. I know what I did wrong. I know what happened. I tell myself that it won't happen again. That I can change and be more careful next time. 

But it happens again. And again. I can't deal with this anymore. And I don't want to be like this anymore. If you would ask the FPs I had in the past they would tell you that I am a good friend and nice but way to hard on myself. I am not a bad person. But I just can't control my feelings and I can't expect anybody to put up with me anymore.

I don't know if this makes any sense because english is not my first language and I can't think straight at the moment. Thank you for reading.",3.7241335065778784,6.843310732824433,3.164193600779601,87.27000974500571,80.34860050890586,5.17674191976612,21.084348438092142,6.6644487293756285,0.45511221915435,1750,50,313,18,47,516,175,393,0.13,0.727,0.14300000000000002,0.9073,1,4,0,0,0,0,69.0,0,3,4,4,21,22,3,0,17,0,36,3,1,6,2,64,65,35,1,11,16,0,3,4,2,6,2,0,0,3,27,20,0,1,10,3,0,1,16,6,1,1,5,3,58,14,30,51,12,52,0,1,0,0,24,18,2,4,32,231,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30392964716092696,0.0,0.0,0.18313280913727156,0.0,0.0,0.04988966361061002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910273271243441,0.0,0.0,0.060371870642711226,0.06530902690352458,0.06858492498394847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612554186535421,0.1341650395860167,0.16204833937925914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488401214043013,0.0,0.0814902573997218,0.184797401060718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479892949737242,0.0,0.07760880536377643,0.0,0.0,0.07927982957966373,0.0822833504811534,0.05857474738312065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126899681557826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664919350974372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493473113262955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780302248933224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418953207194805,0.05241086530396182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624029154321877,0.0,0.0,0.11336084321888162,0.0,0.07665875219500716,0.0,0.0,0.12306756692404805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595002359244288,0.0,0.065719243614145,0.07243122110898874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286646204636507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159317505930088,0.0,0.0,0.15536260723375356,0.07970960607243051,0.0,0.10363755258604844,0.14336670913183622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941827284698984,0.0979413487755598,0.0,0.0,0.07991430727888962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393057907898244,0.0,0.0,0.07085487982343973,0.07802286429081913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396520520198673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003371689845471,0.0508609808173159,0.19217441154542395,0.07664919350974372,0.0,0.06935217601315265,0.0,0.0702619082039491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375053313628195,0.0,0.0,0.07338330594312754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876489274873161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246359470019912,0.0,0.07478480120209617,0.12432123088488853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192702945671386,0.1563913586289591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024770993928375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896676436298325,0.1282457826587398,0.06754321060230924,0.0,0.0,0.04873941813764746,0.09401667647279216,0.0,0.0,0.17111527708926025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043271665214005516,0.0582324940060304,0.058847736581528164,0.0,0.06596255461954867,0.0,0.1323982103051636,0.0819076750364527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423058386791494,0.08021141879536668,0.0,0.0
bpd,ScottLavi,2019/04/06,Any tips? Hey guys. First time poster. Well I fucked up. I had meaningless sex when I thought my ex gf and I weren't committed to each other. That's not even what made her mad And ultimately end the best relationship I've ever had. What mad her mad was the fact that I developed a friend ship with this girl. And helped her deal with her abusive husband. (yes she was married and I still slept with her) I'm not sure about you guys. But when I meet someone with a mental illness I want to stick by them. Help them.  And it cost me my relationship. 0 chance of fixing it too. Girl was on tinder 10 hours later. And texting my friends for sex. I'm so full of emotion right now. Can't even begin to explain. Currently in the waiting room at my therapist Midway through our session. I feel lost. ,0.303691550451191,2.7360552893081795,1.6519989062072753,95.53146841673504,93.59119496855342,4.7777960076565495,20.120590648072188,6.498293943080001,0.2321816242821985,617,21,133,8,23,196,109,159,0.17300000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9057,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,2,3,11,10,4,0,5,1,7,5,1,1,4,24,19,10,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,8,11,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,10,1,24,5,17,9,3,19,0,1,0,3,27,7,1,0,12,84,32,1,0.0,0.20405562104892686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711727496810155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073699526721554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755394015556414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372724646252165,0.15253810679157614,0.0,0.0,0.2275028083977806,0.1557852032307845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708092216497998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649245708540776,0.0,0.0,0.2661175098213751,0.1592170201781178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34105490510189784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308743593392731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960457114193353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800131422907748,0.0,0.0,0.1629611899628561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735598753956873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698052435825368,0.0,0.147077160903073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592365159605752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375371922423407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231776399723433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999637147105724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367255083538993,0.10042438406942758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158135265755812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548488020940104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sidneycorn,2019/04/06,I can’t tell if I’m being irrational So lately me and my boyfriend have been having a lot of fights and I can’t tell if it’s my bpd acting up and if I’m overeating or if I’m being reasonable and acting like anyone else would. We’ve been together for 2 years so I really would like to not mess this up. How do I even tell if I’m being unreasonable? How do I tell if it’s my bpd or if we should break up?,0.3357258064516131,1.5696779892473138,3.2813844086021504,92.24207661290323,80.93548387096773,6.800537634408602,18.076612903225808,7.645422480735847,0.16805483870967694,315,6,79,5,8,113,50,93,0.06,0.851,0.08800000000000001,0.3335,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,14,0,0,3,0,22,18,17,0,10,10,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,10,2,7,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,10,4,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192463890340445,0.19331791736788267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752544031758626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761218955653594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246168225105156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128315079187668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435232149545036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040314755005272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086883790689733,0.19398740042700527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6596345245924203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680559555734325,0.0,0.0,0.12149930940353335
bpd,my_puter_isa_bunny,2019/04/06,"I didn't freak out today! Had car trouble and didn't freak out. Acted totally calm, made the right phone calls, and the entire problem was solved within the hour. 

When I'm not taking care of myself physically or am off my medication, I'm well known for having intense and long-lasting, not to mention exhausting, breakdowns. My mother usually has to absorb these crises in the form of long, slobbery, whiney phone calls.

Today I saw the grey, instead of only seeing black or white. Not freaking out and TCOB instead feels like a pretty big win for me. So, I didn't get to do cardio, but I still feel pretty damn good.

Figured some of you guys could relate to little victories :)",5.36743923611111,6.694780101562504,5.628541666666668,80.04006944444446,68.296875,7.563888888888887,27.503472222222207,7.793537801064563,1.7311586805555557,535,17,94,6,9,170,91,128,0.076,0.696,0.228,0.9463,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,1,6,13,1,0,6,0,10,3,0,1,1,22,20,9,0,2,6,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,7,1,0,7,7,9,6,16,12,3,18,0,0,5,0,8,9,1,3,8,61,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663528667400627,0.0,0.18289924831361076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432276817131286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140914234841396,0.1281556826010091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937234546492988,0.0,0.0,0.15046315257081372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762351468625268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666222993675504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622614335604833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764050337889542,0.17979510882879207,0.0,0.3175075995443425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974240150575398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071574951033534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643357261139608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650066224493181,0.0,0.17165124040962754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319739935641208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294996934223042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326044939224314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348783555354168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400799783860957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757186339561236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129243744303526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,1000nipples,2019/04/06,"DAE fall into spirals of depression when they're alone for too long?  I've only recently noticed that whenever I've spent the best part of a day (10 hours) alone I end up feeling like shit. I just end up feeling unmotivated, lonely, unloved and desperate for someone to socialise with me. It's gotten to the point I dread the weekends because i never have plans or it's the 'rest' day of my friends. My friends are all wonderful but they do need their time alone and i respect that. 

What do you do to avoid falling into the hole of depression when youre alone?? How can i stop it? Why does this happen? God i fucking hate this illness.",3.091818181818184,5.114919360000002,3.9458181818181792,87.0129090909091,75.4,6.785454545454545,28.963636363636365,7.686295010490155,1.80148,500,22,99,7,11,160,84,125,0.302,0.565,0.134,-0.9758,0,7,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,2,2,5,14,3,2,6,0,6,3,1,1,2,17,15,7,0,1,3,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,3,1,1,2,1,9,0,0,2,2,14,5,14,13,4,20,0,3,0,1,6,5,2,2,14,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6071669245592373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934148108479605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538054462560262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890378659986557,0.0,0.2524634461465685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825545043138742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596169262573046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821005598957773,0.10470233554821816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264634437133609,0.1354921542423815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296023287300481,0.0,0.0,0.14469743960032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433186029777312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716017050992603,0.0,0.0,0.12970079262930506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086722192284311,0.11303593684683708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685928001678788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146531632213476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870995873300134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385463636559975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471010086162167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044150723351085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417962531609975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253053792803753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546018585707144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322474048172881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893782872641796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EggMilkButterRain,2019/04/06,"Advice for psychiatric nurses? I'm almost qualified as a psychiatric nurse and I just wanted advice/tips for BPD from you guys if possible. Aside from theory I don't have much experience with it and would like more up to date advice/information that isn't stigmatised. I want to know what could I do to make your admission better, how can I make an impact, what should I avoid doing/saying and your experiences with psychiatric nurses
Thanks in advance ",6.369558232931727,8.130057301204825,6.86524096385542,70.48091365461848,66.34939759036145,10.834538152610442,27.086345381526108,10.864195022040775,3.3574514056224904,368,11,60,11,6,120,60,83,0.045,0.847,0.10800000000000001,0.7076,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,3,0,18,15,6,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,12,12,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506202467142,0.0,0.0,0.2408754102093191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274633743617752,0.0,0.0,0.30296346469991503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205906911300985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706068118995321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381816592657712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219962277663214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752025372622765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211370959992774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768314380749635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27118323030656816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129448493319146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214655074538432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28376445861946953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087934481255573,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsjustthatisntit,2019/04/06,"First time poster Does anyone else feel evil? Like, I have no control over my mood swings. My anger just feels like this completely different entity, and it feels evil. I don’t even know if I’m in the right place to discuss this. Like it feel wrong but sometimes I just give into it and it feels good. I don’t know if that makes sense. ",0.5643954248366043,3.0244208970588247,1.0654901960784322,100.88081699346407,90.02941176470587,4.786928104575163,14.908496732026146,6.42735559955562,-0.6896522875816995,263,5,60,3,9,79,47,68,0.157,0.7170000000000001,0.126,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,17,13,5,0,2,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,5,6,4,4,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,5,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419235212318607,0.20796994237102867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281344914825934,0.0,0.2276516074084257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206370434623112,0.0,0.0,0.17762314057781306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695579924786122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406182804387248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131465275264389,0.14500403377286186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264882776453574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194710306831878,0.0,0.17024421870449108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309743138293603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974872339774944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548613024461334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206370434623112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333793101748005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007456005515617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835525550952933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191923778624031,0.0,0.0
bpd,rosely24,2019/04/06,"I'm scared to tell my friends about my career plans because I'm scared they'll judge me I'm a university student in the UK and I'm graduating in May of 2020. 

So I've been thinking about my plans in the future and I've come up with mine. I'm planning on continuing studying to get my QTS (qualified teacher status) and become a secondary school art teacher. 

I really feel passionately about this, I had such a rough time in school and I want to help out other kids in the way I know best, which is involving yourself in something creative. 

But I'm nervous to tell my friends this, I'm worried they might judge me... they haven't done anything to insinuate that they would judge me, and one of my friends is a special needs primary school teaching assistant, so why am I so scared!?

I dont know how to tell them what I'm really passionate about, I could use some advice.",4.497586206896552,5.475344448275868,5.323620689655171,82.72094827586207,70.0344827586207,8.558620689655173,31.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4145149425287356,690,29,140,12,12,225,99,174,0.057,0.769,0.174,0.9668,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,5,4,9,11,0,4,7,0,13,2,0,2,0,22,30,10,0,4,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,2,22,7,22,22,2,14,0,0,0,2,14,9,0,3,3,83,28,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820699777856246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638756671248647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621643561846544,0.1562019837166352,0.0,0.0,0.14842553754303814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183227684823993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292299287968258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473538505586234,0.1657587909380055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151293327064143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278130832023724,0.0,0.07389306924076193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479976924251787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545610140095306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003839587744394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487101040703753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095838874045656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812116054063377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424798262358225,0.4294141942972004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888227510133842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708568516898651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062475693209653,0.0,0.0,0.08247090290449834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215297307966612,0.0,0.0,0.08342103314407544,0.1122631816574263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276215675484163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363239593771132,0.0,0.10047016850945444,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,olliebollie7,2019/04/06,"Guilt and compassion? Hello,

I am 18 year old male and I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and ASPD, although more BPD than ASPD. The main aspect why ASPD was included, is because of my manipulation, lack of remorse, guilt or empathy and my lack of emotions. Now my question is of some of you on this forum also have certain traits of ASPD?",4.707076923076926,6.437707092307697,6.3630769230769255,72.59692307692309,70.38461538461539,8.892307692307693,31.461538461538463,9.3871,3.215369230769231,271,12,45,6,5,93,46,65,0.183,0.748,0.069,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,7,1,0,1,1,12,7,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,9,5,5,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,4,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213251537574912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617032272752299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6681845636344349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692386332690453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29838768956638656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783512453699873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971577759007393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619174211633976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23936061836083106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082211651944215
bpd,LouisBear,2019/04/06,"Just snapped at my whole class I was invited to this party yesterday (it honestly surprised me since my classmates never invite me anywhere)  and I got pretty drunk which resulted in me snapping and telling everyone what I think of them. They started to say nasty things about me and they even wanted to fight?! So I grabbed my things and went home. Now, my friend who knows about my BPD told everyone there that I have it and now they all think I’m crazy and should be locked up. I fucked up bad, I don’t have anyone left, what should I do? ",3.3877568134171923,5.3174130377358475,3.3637106918239006,91.92395178197066,74.28301886792453,6.975262054507338,24.985324947589106,7.793537801064563,1.1569802935010485,426,14,89,6,9,129,71,106,0.156,0.721,0.122,-0.6087,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,4,0,8,6,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,16,18,7,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,10,6,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,2,21,3,10,11,2,11,0,0,0,1,10,5,1,0,5,64,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764956168807708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631166652287833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659514738964881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947068095528975,0.0,0.0,0.4035491764389664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314343796590808,0.1952161063883449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888574905156267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181296350950304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160492555128048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942841292130656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286135235346402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482793222847107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792470427628453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467560324195944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946173419984302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845651222545825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805736447842273,0.2706084992025722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017745882194832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454897174488926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574953020484706,0.0,0.23575512181821104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rossisangria,2019/04/06,"BPD girl ? I knew this girl who I am very certain had BPD, she displayed a lot of signs, but around that time I wasn't aware. Anyways, I knew she was really into me, like stalking, obsessed, limerence kind of level, she also struggled with depression etc. I kept pushing it, as in, playing games with her, she would always try to get my attention, but I never really gave her any, unfortunately, I think she suicided when I decided to leave her alone completely... She hasn't been on in over 5 months, I'm convinced something happened to her.",6.5564705882352925,6.785210137254901,6.88901960784314,75.95058823529412,65.27450980392156,9.937254901960783,34.64705882352941,9.725611199111238,3.305341176470588,422,18,77,8,6,137,74,102,0.16,0.737,0.10300000000000001,-0.7191,0,1,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,2,17,15,5,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,8,0,20,5,14,6,2,12,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,1,5,54,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524381670228228,0.0,0.15847606172182532,0.1648928825551194,0.0,0.0,0.1347620420591987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641285175044505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4991750461287702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777692966089992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706830829184188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210113541628921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353537426249776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524061687891715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636301849039532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983286612108168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681559810018722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168476605461073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158176988451059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528405198936328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25390488687542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256054754524465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716976791548528,0.0,0.2167652471341228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697900118129876,0.0,0.0,0.11555421754322172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345440688716423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351057515452588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077391297618974,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WombatNumber6,2019/04/06,What is an FP? Thanks. ,-5.1080000000000005,-8.820192799999997,-2.8149999999999995,119.69750000000002,177.0,1.0,2.5,3.1291,-3.727,16,0,5,0,2,5,5,5,0.0,0.58,0.42,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nickyleela,2019/04/06,"The Ultimate Break Up Hey there, new to this subreddit, but so happy to see it here. 

  
A little background (overshare? ha), I have been in therapy off/on for 10 years, have done ECT, all the meds in the world etc... 

I am considered high functioning minus my inability to hold on to any relationships... including my therapist apparently. 

After almost a year of a consistent therapist, I have been let go from my psych/therapists office. Jesus, if a therapist 'breaks up' with me what hope do I really have? 

Honestly, my first reaction is screw therapy... I'll just go back to only seeing a psych (have to find a new one of those too) and only get my meds every month and call it good. I honestly haven't seen any improvement since being in therapy. I did give it a valiant effort tho. I stuck to therapy every week for almost a year and had no intentions of leaving... it was nice having someone to talk to. ",3.9088455149501655,5.754740366279073,5.73514950166113,75.82662790697677,72.66279069767442,10.263122923588039,27.98338870431893,10.451354775682146,3.350159800664452,701,27,129,23,14,241,111,172,0.075,0.778,0.147,0.9525,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,1,0,11,1,18,1,0,1,1,14,27,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,8,3,13,7,23,17,2,23,1,0,3,1,5,9,1,4,10,89,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243295485347613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426613393575166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156335156366651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831207669882698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854919009372427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182990890230772,0.0,0.0,0.17874163334769022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694851750238953,0.09022537640248582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541860282838493,0.10175459023277736,0.12056710898193256,0.08896874025642837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291635151404655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207162137073648,0.0,0.10535411558447198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231566361486543,0.0,0.10846651274154953,0.0,0.0,0.10631270223609518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23564569367003985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466620961193977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048913310458972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187760030579364,0.1613461219776995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795288171876382,0.0,0.0,0.11388237306441812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690524021964472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774442575559653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987504649200788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525721070946336,0.0,0.0,0.4852134639248494,0.4926342771650553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508511416061207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049220049712744
bpd,yrytppl,2019/04/06,"Break Up I have been feeling really distant from my partner due to being scared they will abandon me. They broke up with me today because of my impulsive actions towards negative emotions. They said they know I’m the one, but they can’t be with me while I’m having such terrible mental health episodes. I know they are the one too, but I’m scared that I won’t get better and my constant emotional flips will forever keep me from being with the most amazing person I’ve ever met",5.694290780141841,6.3930146702127635,6.0859574468085125,79.33333333333334,67.19148936170212,8.819858156028369,32.687943262411345,8.841846274778883,2.752126241134752,385,16,70,6,6,124,63,94,0.156,0.723,0.122,-0.3634,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,6,1,3,7,0,2,3,0,11,1,0,0,1,13,21,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,3,2,16,2,10,12,1,10,0,2,0,0,10,3,0,1,5,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087374147316802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898768887217677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320048788967925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482997327896487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942004500147498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855430375557464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216727264474342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282066689495476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082737188676194,0.0,0.0,0.2359772992148321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163581983868792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909605792667295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874600442258232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753665775999346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422046166669297,0.0,0.4298866186191091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350212121068584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,plagueofphoenix,2019/04/06,"Are you ever just permanently unhappy no matter how life is going? DAE......... (Angsty nihilistic post ahead) Just want to stand on your porch, light up a Marlboro smooth 100 after smoking a bowl and watch the fucking bombs rain down across the night sky, eviscerating all of humanity as we know it with a giant grin on your face as a giant flash erupts a thousand yards away and just laugh maniacally as the sky is darkened by the most disgustingly beautiful mushroom cloud before being completely annihilated in seconds by the fury of a thousand suns? Yeah.... me either. No matter what good happens or comes into my life, the white and black tidalwaves crash forever inside my fragile mind. If this is living life, then I can't wait to fucking die.",7.766388888888887,8.360774555555558,7.598657407407408,70.64020833333338,62.7037037037037,10.00925925925926,33.91203703703704,9.827888789773867,3.334870370370372,595,23,99,11,8,190,103,135,0.162,0.726,0.11199999999999999,-0.8679,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,3,0,1,5,7,4,0,12,1,6,6,1,1,2,23,14,10,1,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,3,7,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,4,0,3,0,6,8,3,20,13,3,21,0,0,3,2,5,12,2,3,5,68,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138185852046317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936535314973542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960397287164728,0.23861294716373904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361917603875093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585883470373575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42078746323953375,0.0,0.0,0.12933876727105584,0.19088302419442754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012479447285764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250718312681833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822387397146545,0.0,0.0,0.2009570122122857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297905843387113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356809740765284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179584086832276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423238184396366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kasunex,2019/04/06,"Moving Forward (Also a Vent) Sigh... So, I hate to admit this, but I really am still struggling to move on from my relationship with my ex w/ BPD. Yes, it's been a year and a half. Screw me, I guess.   


She was my first girlfriend, my first many other things. We were together for two chaotic years, and it was one of the most confusing and frightening times of my life. It defined my college years, mostly for the worse. Yet, it was also a time I find myself missing sometimes. I suppose, in part, it's because the bad was really just a more concentrated form of what I had been going through for years. I strongly suspect that my Mother suffers from BPD as well, but I digress. Meanwhile the good is something I've yet to replicate.   


I dated another girl briefly at the end of last year, but we split rather quickly. My fears and hopes carried over from my BPD ex, with me trying to replicate what made my times with my ex good without repeating the mistakes. Overall, though, it was a forgettable relationship. I've come close to a new relationship once or twice aside from that, but neither got far.   


Of course, part of it is because, until I graduate at the end of the semester, I'm still living in the state that I never visited before meeting her. I think that's part of why I keep having dreams, though, dreams in which we don't get back together, but we do act friendly and even kiss/hug often. I don't like these dreams. My ex has been spiteful towards me ever since our attempts to be friends failed, and her family has cut me off as well, making no attempt to get my side of whatever lies I'm sure she's fed them.   


In some ways, it just hurts. It hurts to know that the people I trusted like a second family have cut me out, when they had said they would try to help me even if me and my ex broke up. It hurts that every time I try to reach out to my ex for some closure, I get spite. It hurts to know all the effort, time, money I dropped into this relationship ended with me being tossed aside and vilified by people I put so much trust in. Being so close to the end of college hits that especially hard. If I hadn't put so much into this relationship, I'd almost certainly be in a better position financially and possibly emotionally.   


I don't know. It just feels like nobody understands this, and I have trouble explaining it to people as well. I can only hope this all makes sense. ",5.097048022598873,5.613820936440681,5.8210000000000015,81.35168361581921,68.4491525423729,8.835706214689266,29.504519774011307,8.841846274778883,2.194405706214689,1870,65,372,30,30,611,235,472,0.183,0.679,0.138,-0.9799,0,0,1,0,0,0,65.0,5,0,3,8,26,39,6,3,21,1,30,3,0,3,6,70,58,31,0,7,13,7,2,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,31,25,1,1,10,3,1,9,8,20,4,7,16,3,59,18,60,36,14,63,0,8,0,1,34,22,1,13,34,268,90,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981905337845098,0.0,0.0,0.11151737611107396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311225775982719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361386608284815,0.05821707705097909,0.08500686272674904,0.0,0.0593304466041439,0.0,0.0,0.06166568798624411,0.0,0.0,0.2634468453449317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060061515878229436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843072087593116,0.24702098223499136,0.0,0.0,0.09210479986556104,0.06306983666108949,0.05874593067851259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146017869258808,0.07845949011771877,0.035254821532094215,0.04981122406438398,0.0,0.0,0.0637269648028931,0.118615313249886,0.0,0.0,0.10773801060056867,0.0,0.10928458039958018,0.0,0.03962606189562835,0.1169632692679268,0.05576508270410643,0.0,0.07680943970706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062459490985709014,0.06883854641575725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673488826531958,0.0,0.0,0.1385043977702103,0.0,0.0,0.2985662411370347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061974373254279014,0.0,0.0,0.11495634832005368,0.056834804691848324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924850337242772,0.1021916624137396,0.0,0.06156804469611341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597504397017792,0.09308334141658617,0.07068973809636732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821229949276968,0.10251111645821684,0.0,0.05377586228735447,0.06734039353236104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425435768386998,0.047247151610037064,0.05302865325456228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265146409859585,0.0,0.1450146470736184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860394058348152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018483799546896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933464921606639,0.0,0.0,0.3742903020547601,0.0,0.0,0.06632400264362083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057676858561959414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367735598508812,0.0689593511907156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136421264218176,0.0,0.0,0.0728912262093819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571455215379436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632188504314847,0.04467666876338471,0.1370080096587671,0.0,0.2032846948457077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201515391841818,0.0,0.06811074250811214,0.07258570329630637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534409306047107,0.0,0.0,0.18807220042778824,0.0,0.06291555082124753,0.0,0.0,0.06721196675644497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105526122063219,0.04953031148499104,0.0,0.0,0.22450158315246746
bpd,matanrrrr,2019/04/06,"Bpd suffering discussion Hi fellows bpd journey I’m 20 I have bpd and sever ocd sounds weird right? To me too

Life is pure suffering after all help I tried.
I want to talk on the bpd side, one of many bpd sides.
does anyone like me stuck in a *** loop of anger, hate, just distress fight or flight all life to people all around you close or unknown, to family most often.

I’m living 7300 days and I think I have been angry from distress like a **** animal in fight, 6000 days of them.
And I’m sick of it I got pain in all my body from this hate and anger that I can’t control it’s just pop.
This paradox of man that just want to be loved, over emotional being the absolute monster 
Make me want...  it’s just sad the suffering, the confusion of my life the way people seeing me when in my self I’m completely different but it’s crazy how I spilt on thing I don’t know how to describe that anymore it’s paradox weird one that tear me apart.
I feel like branch of hell to my family (although they make like that) but it’s hurts to me especially to live in constant flames.
Can you relate?",0.5046968942036187,2.8442983901345293,2.129765819631292,94.50386978907162,87.5201793721973,5.635542268726126,18.57316060455074,7.093109894594671,0.2442441122737091,843,23,186,13,27,274,121,223,0.22899999999999998,0.698,0.07400000000000001,-0.9855,1,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,2,2,1,10,23,7,3,7,0,9,7,1,5,5,33,27,12,0,3,8,0,1,4,1,0,5,1,0,2,14,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,18,0,2,3,3,24,5,28,22,5,21,1,5,1,1,14,14,1,5,9,107,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361143452475703,0.07305156617636288,0.0,0.0,0.09300517627334658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604851753827752,0.6579149803402158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954037518753493,0.11290069496625088,0.11717794428580325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475586431211398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915446289093067,0.0,0.0,0.0914270481435926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175206621637762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698004908765765,0.0,0.052825856050354426,0.07463718259704355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355844969691573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629547878232704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002759828994425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184298055120173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741689830899024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138200422988105,0.20416543756245187,0.0,0.18450722625033664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429304658924224,0.0,0.13947616186007913,0.1059215666576694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159034828577835,0.0,0.11116909628116266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486005107188266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922134420488582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325329589367596,0.0,0.1089905339250558,0.11802736299312652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397329701374219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940875389321734,0.06694356035118276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093187779562554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848667347385924,0.0829276384391385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,woofles_numerouno,2019/02/05,"As a Highly aware bpd individual, I don’t know where I should seek help first... I have been in a loving relationship for the past 2 1/2 years, he is the complete opposite of me. Patient, rational and level headed. Ever since I moved in with him, I have noticed a huge change in mood swings. I become fixated with small things, my mind processes little problems over and over again until it eventually provokes strong negative emotions. It’s like I’m constantly find ways to make myself upset . I become emotionally detached and lash out on my SO. At first he thought it was just pms...heck, I even thought so too! But lately I keep having strong thoughts of moving out in order to avoid anymore confrontations between him and I. I am emotionally drained and do not want him to end up hating me for the emotional baggage I come with. I constantly feel like I’m not worthy of having such a loving partner and feel like ending the relationship would be the best decision down the long term road. But a huge part of me thinks that I’m just being selfish and not  considering the other solutions. These solutions could either be seeing a psychiatrist myself or going to couples counseling.  ",6.258493150684931,7.625175671232878,6.753315068493151,72.6488767123288,66.26027397260273,9.675616438356164,31.951598173515983,9.888512548439397,3.2979921461187214,948,38,159,21,15,309,141,219,0.126,0.711,0.16399999999999998,0.8737,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,5,10,15,2,2,13,0,16,3,1,2,1,42,35,14,0,5,9,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,13,0,2,9,0,0,4,5,6,0,2,5,3,23,8,28,24,4,40,0,0,1,2,11,20,0,1,17,116,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059716906522836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360264468783441,0.0,0.0,0.1121379876834454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345804410331903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303868121483285,0.09204633236846142,0.1120356918766033,0.2309451186786264,0.0,0.08531521862299356,0.11823329670114392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807910753555095,0.18928406235104248,0.0,0.0,0.0705768818617934,0.09665668711227927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805844550820537,0.15267481743903502,0.0,0.0,0.09766375852006318,0.18178203443156304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072829848472607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549743259882137,0.10966430959855626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716228186313856,0.11289843360661793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497785188199308,0.0,0.0,0.05872484840811741,0.0,0.12053737118503904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661222641951694,0.10709702784826462,0.0,0.09456352970874238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928820619007828,0.0,0.07132670610053406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789333692546924,0.0,0.0,0.2271404306189081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165540520746032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571381788402775,0.10200542273092733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022460388054515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294450883662238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514979604996789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839176327028392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098987703307029,0.06846852667601026,0.0,0.2544933871861847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302599230633138,0.0848167201574359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590690056015457,0.0,0.0,0.06881127470040461
bpd,bandcampgoth,2019/02/05,"i'm always in pain unless i take a xanax hi. my name is abby and i have bpd. this is my first time posting to this sub. ig i'm looking for new coping skills/advice ? or just people who understand.
my fp also has bpd. i'm in love with him but he only wants to be friends with benefits. this has been going on for over a year. the lines are blurry because we say ""i love you"" and are physically/emotionally intimate in ways that friends are not. i experience what feels like constant mental anguish and i don't know where to put it. i just want someone to look at me and think i'm something good",0.6923693379790947,2.9646357804878107,2.802282229965158,90.61993902439028,85.5040650406504,5.465505226480834,20.9808362369338,6.868970318607317,0.4876299651567946,463,15,99,6,14,156,88,123,0.067,0.722,0.21100000000000002,0.9664,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,1,4,9,0,1,3,0,11,4,0,0,0,20,27,8,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,4,13,7,15,25,0,16,0,0,2,2,12,7,0,1,6,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611653231052114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189252673613458,0.1372329592539605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053832242049418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154410287726308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822812319028605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552132969412344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133082109141555,0.0,0.0,0.08339234034466576,0.11782429663925645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028731592952207,0.0,0.0,0.2548452795281001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373214489572076,0.1383334297939408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906398851493151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057528513876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27699525950853965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977071616524331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620821001130318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592880852135971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543485707899535,0.1754945741731228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434001817043014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795503216079348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579777195351392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311570319178454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139742603956124,0.12696930929107866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400501523055295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567893425840752,0.0,0.0,0.09617059864564724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169542804044768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455712050089666,0.13091183684944044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062079546374872
bpd,Ltrfsn,2019/02/05,"Received a sentencing for stalking I've been suicidally depressed since early childhood which together with personality disorder made a recipe for disaster. I fell in love for the first and last time. Shit was great for years, but I was a weirdo because of the depression and all that. At a certain point I got so strongly attached to her that I got obsessed with her. But she was over me already. At this point our contact was strictly online only. Early when she was 16 and I was 17 or 18 she got a boyfriend. She still talked to me though only to fight with me. I started talking to this boyfriend online who started bullying me with how he took her virginity. Back in those days that meant something to me and it hurt me bad. Time passed and I got crazier. I ended up punching that boyfriend in the face after that boyfriend and her broke up and she told me to hit him via text. Anyways, time passed some more and she ended up with a second boyfriend. This nasty junky guy who I later found out was quite friendly. I was still disrupting her life by stalking at this time because I was a nut case. So she probably got desperate to get rid of me so she started bullying me online with graphic details about how she was cumming so hard on his dick that she couldn't walk afterwards and a bunch of other stuff. During all this I was seriously mentally ill with depression. I was sending her images of my self-harm and I totally get that I was being a horrible person even though I couldn't see it back then. The depression got so bad that I started drinking. This liquid bravery finally got me to show up at her house. Nobody was home but the sister saw me I guess. Needless to say they finally talked to the cops. After that I stopped for a short while, even started therapy and all that, but without meds you just can't stop the crazy. So I ended up going absolutely mental and was sending her messages again of disturbing nature for about two years until she went to the cops again. Now I'm on meds and finally have some control again over my actions. I'm still suffering from worsened suicidal depression though. Today I finally got the sentencing which was worse than the plaintiffs demand which was interesting. After hearing that and already being on edge I decided to go hang myself. A friend who was foolish enough to stick with me convinced me to go to the emergency area of the hospital. I'm still not out of the woods, but now I'm a criminal for life. I already despised myself, but now I have to fit in this new thing. I guess I'm just waiting for new guts to kill myself or be cured by non existent medication.....",4.871493964320051,6.333660586956523,5.344699284264504,81.10162001922875,69.61264822134387,8.47422283944023,31.46223694049781,8.918530864059932,2.657758743723962,2091,90,389,38,37,669,231,506,0.243,0.6890000000000001,0.068,-0.9987,0,0,2,0,1,2,43.0,1,1,1,4,31,25,4,2,25,0,27,11,4,4,5,57,64,37,3,2,12,1,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,3,30,24,1,4,3,2,0,14,5,17,0,3,34,5,67,8,71,24,9,89,0,8,2,3,47,25,2,6,50,286,97,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192109329347277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183106966229023,0.11057414176310858,0.0807285539409143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742661715554244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270343791274145,0.0,0.2851560199540497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588855442453739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486585737111876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594150092031433,0.06841818109652932,0.0,0.08746925913576085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901428194418389,0.0,0.056322762696774074,0.0,0.07260173908971966,0.10231566630346847,0.0,0.06918959921355121,0.0,0.11289516772863906,0.0,0.4236678632941869,0.07300268281618927,0.14588739773857398,0.06556362992609821,0.0,0.0,0.05931596844563016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462953808780877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641941828428241,0.0,0.0,0.07640365053377378,0.07088492660893933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732574999248167,0.0,0.0,0.05397436688183347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353975275596853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059761959617589185,0.06265458723045841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471007050819985,0.06670502238198367,0.13345904451440466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790244028071798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071955033644353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563341982664432,0.0,0.0,0.12518986092367462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139137170557766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042820010836921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052657122532967934,0.0,0.0,0.05276507958113531,0.0,0.06907707538078194,0.0,0.06796912914464616,0.05477404103864749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050975829351296485,0.0,0.0,0.2343379101267384,0.0,0.21151873058227474,0.11071803400197017,0.0,0.0,0.07580076053107017,0.14485774238485394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596642265771364,0.0,0.0,0.07572305008739788,0.0,0.04399055176722736,0.0,0.19516880419928795,0.0,0.15444286662799064,0.0,0.06276443152125942,0.06327162677881812,0.07356771610792542,0.0,0.0,0.0646827982370846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061382314425926024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382925695321814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747912232303288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528105888863327
bpd,mememememq,2019/02/05,"Can't sleep because too happy-excited about my next day Title D:. Always been issue for me, can sleep at max for 2hrs.
Only way I can fix that:force myself into derealization, but I don't want to anymore",3.7838211382113833,4.9800330731707385,5.857073170731707,77.41211382113823,71.92682926829268,7.417886178861789,23.422764227642283,7.793537801064563,1.2266520325203247,160,4,30,2,3,56,36,41,0.038,0.9620000000000001,0.0,-0.0857,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25994882604359937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098251989456717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044126882985732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147758141318214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32607321680704604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33224989130846594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760067566779144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6252680610262441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842665761474921,0.2479752567402364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anxiousgirl1,2019/02/05,"DAE worry about if they are too sensitive? I feel like I’m too sensitive for the world sometimes. Anything negative directed towards me upsets me. I got asked on one post if I couldn’t just move on with my day and to “not get so upset about things that don’t matter”. 
I just feel like I can’t control it and am just a very overly sensitive person. ",3.8466197183098596,4.8068407042253565,5.071943661971833,83.99101408450704,71.53521126760563,8.496901408450704,26.876056338028175,8.841846274778883,1.9268456338028173,274,9,56,5,5,91,52,71,0.172,0.7440000000000001,0.084,-0.8109,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,11,5,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,2,9,2,9,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,3,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215687214129458,0.0,0.2450295351722992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939691357180175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903379388592862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26505280223743505,0.37449074899224055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369372236072809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962652476158666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25609912168000193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785724306592385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776067696240777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288569329387659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510207995643601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592250999900158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741286000331868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162611991465095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617681092237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BingerofAll,2019/02/05,"Finally Taking A Step For Myself Friendships are hard, my friends—especially those that have elements of toxicity and real friendship mixed together. I recently broke off a friendship with a friend who continually lied to me about a pretty big issue and tried to make it seem like I was crazy because of the other stresses in my life, using the stuff I opened up to him about against me. It’s hard to let go of the people who mean something to you, but at a certain point you can’t trust the people who lie to you. This person was my FP, if I’m using the terminology correctly, and was lying to me about one issue, really, something I would have been okay with, but the consistent lies are what made me realize I couldn’t trust him with all I have to give. It sucks, but I have the most clarity and sense of peace that I’ve had in a month and a half after discovering he lied, violated my space, and kept it a secret with another fried. So to everyone out there hanging on to someone or something that is causing them pain, put yourself first for once—we owe it to ourselves to find the people who deserve all we have to give. ",13.35200772200772,6.891611009009013,12.511904761904766,61.84500000000001,58.27927927927928,15.748777348777347,46.57915057915058,12.031772070788634,5.274385328185329,892,33,174,17,7,296,132,222,0.138,0.721,0.14,0.1254,1,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,1,3,1,1,5,11,2,1,16,1,17,2,0,5,4,37,31,12,0,3,5,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,17,13,0,1,5,0,1,4,2,5,0,3,7,2,23,6,35,21,3,21,0,1,0,0,17,11,1,4,7,127,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884130077253846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652811724406967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581621570490466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563415849483967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554933829024316,0.12973480270171867,0.120738013409811,0.0,0.0,0.10966605417323992,0.0,0.0,0.2723324095702285,0.08067039341628976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543089809766953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29630659055562397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451479815554843,0.10025967638877377,0.06934696692372659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343114227891122,0.0947491299079514,0.0,0.0,0.15461929361873195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329883408724258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618534181417776,0.0,0.15103907370006633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952195618470935,0.12394055906681695,0.0,0.0,0.13418353773190114,0.0,0.0,0.14440869916334478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426935391899357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156404268806313,0.09093335235971776,0.0,0.14015317881143152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922104257963754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202692080790307,0.3278276884744641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259707205798932,0.0,0.16249261938279194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672468207540628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963710732248973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24518913825487065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083337890224238,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,timeless-clock,2019/02/05,I’m going back to work After being let go from my previous job I lived off of my savings for about 3 months until I ran out. I applied to a handful of places and landed a gig at a high end club as a guest host and I’m so scared to fuck it up. My last job was a lot of customer relation and I was great at it but learning a whole new environment at a whole new place is freaking me out. Anyone have any advice for starting at a new work place?,4.855,3.2691193979591837,6.382571428571428,84.21242857142856,69.3061224489796,9.064489795918368,29.804081632653066,7.554174236665415,1.6151812244897958,343,10,81,3,5,119,64,98,0.094,0.878,0.027999999999999997,-0.7098,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,8,0,6,2,1,0,0,9,13,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,3,1,8,2,21,8,3,26,0,0,0,1,1,13,1,1,10,54,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010996940706456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446288957740436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074105853084849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181197992281793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605654170535236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420138062658997,0.0,0.0,0.17460492284149698,0.0,0.0,0.1693601425569626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623017833586048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30487668142307234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521603476608067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708087593742134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564410869267704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059725694068067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261334887601945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450845095761754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814822745829826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379456224287327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872888593832307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430094249444973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366586130812552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnluckyInternal4,2019/02/05,"ALWAYS ruminating. Can't focus. Can't relax. Does this plague anyone else? I'm 22 years old unemployed and I can't even focus enough to fill out a form to study, let alone do the study itself. I have no routine, or self discipline, yet at the same time I'm never able to relax. If I stop ruminating I feel terrible and empty. Sorry for the rant, I'm drunk",0.15671232876712082,2.5379052876712365,2.7748082191780843,88.17070547945204,92.013698630137,5.6597260273972605,15.519178082191784,7.1686216300943375,0.1836421917808222,278,6,57,5,10,96,52,73,0.237,0.708,0.055999999999999994,-0.8839,2,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,10,10,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,2,1,3,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,6,9,3,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,33,6,1,0.26665567167076265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761748567080237,0.0,0.0,0.22187888017055515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645184568538176,0.2732202475360778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333521752399454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227565971724787,0.0,0.0,0.2755265903900305,0.0,0.17612355624900375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482911970319736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726734907578525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056612927932094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27981027110636325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781800209936805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984991930140316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229360815673436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554890665393292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171750990635795
bpd,tryllebukser,2019/02/05,"I hate you but i really hate this I hate you so much I want to kill my self. I hate myself I know but you remind me that I'm not as good as anyone else. You remind me when you don't answer me in 10 minutes or everytime you do something for someone else. I am so small right now and soon dead or soon to be admitted. I hate you and I hate this. My self. My diagnosis. Life. but right now just... You ...

BPD is hitting me hard these days. I'm at my parents. Constantly mad at my bf even though he did nothing. Suicidal and dissociated. Anxiety attacks and headace I want to scream and I want to die and I want to drink or starve my self to death",-1.5369946048873329,0.3479496642335782,1.2031164709616,97.04606474135193,103.45255474452554,4.7183751190098375,16.905426848619484,6.498293943080001,-0.12169730244366896,492,15,117,8,23,168,74,137,0.391,0.535,0.075,-0.9968,1,0,2,0,0,1,18.0,0,8,0,0,10,11,9,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,21,21,18,5,4,8,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,4,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,2,31,1,12,18,1,13,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,3,7,77,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814089055487796,0.0,0.0,0.08056258897157692,0.1180537013192317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310762695552978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511210892160745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245089292296992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430560271546356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957732815885615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286905371565314,0.0,0.0,0.19249847715635168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609991533279492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663877345510916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321203634728662,0.6825191601112944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747083025175754,0.0,0.0633203943543475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138135998078334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469794510739162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055407092832448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793513511621948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381112875279765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196789825513572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605901986494885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762321273938676,0.08869987778521549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602898480799296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132003755522564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27183250672193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,quietplop,2019/02/05,"Things on my mind this morning * Terrified of any job that will put me in contact with humans. Haven't worked in three months.
* Boyfriend is having an emotional affair and other online *encounters*. It's over.
* Moving out of the apartment. Probably won't see his two cats again. They are my best friends.
* Been divorced in the past. Have that saga on replay.
* Narcissist father spinning up new layers of hell on a daily basis.
* 100% hermit.
* 100% hopeless.

I'm frozen. I can't move even to save myself.

Fin.",0.4110483870967734,1.4108811935483914,1.4008198924731197,91.92122983870968,124.16129032258064,3.7005376344086014,17.853494623655912,5.7366,0.2001043010752692,393,13,69,5,24,122,79,93,0.113,0.769,0.11800000000000001,-0.128,1,0,0,0,1,1,26.0,0,0,1,2,2,5,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,1,1,7,3,14,8,1,17,1,1,1,0,8,10,1,0,4,46,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620974078116755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501509571194012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26813025219909936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743883863930672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416138237118276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23654199094448405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406822349523628,0.0,0.19026188243801426,0.5066917758523404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302158707629525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275478154605548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569994249693593,0.0,0.0,0.2396241902817313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994725534535145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836012445435313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284945442561195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353366578639562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gramzdarmz,2019/02/05,"Does anyone know how to get better? Hello! 
I’m in my senior year of school, and my BPD is eating me alive. I am loaded with work, college applications, and on top of that have a boyfriend which I keep causing problems with (because I feel like he does not give me enough attention and support.) I feel incredibly sorry for what he has to experience with me being around him, but I keep in terrorising him for not showing me enough love, support, care... My mind is a complete mess, and I can not focus on anything but the state of my mental health. I don’t have the will to do anything, and my emotional breakdowns are driving me insane!!! I haven’t felt good for a long time, all I want is to just get better. I am planning on taking a gap year to take a mental break and am hoping to find myself and happiness. But I am a little lost.. where do I start? What do I do to feel better? Does anyone have any recommendations? Programs ? Or therapists that helped you get out from this misery? 


Any and all help is welcome! ",3.0333029411764727,4.880289395000002,4.279235294117648,85.33682352941179,75.05,6.505882352941178,24.264705882352942,7.285733465282438,1.0334588235294109,789,25,156,9,17,259,112,200,0.094,0.6890000000000001,0.217,0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,7,4,15,0,0,8,0,22,3,0,2,2,38,44,13,0,3,8,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,13,1,2,7,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,4,27,12,24,40,4,19,0,1,0,1,11,10,0,2,7,109,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649125817511908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609070714418239,0.0,0.18937129079487688,0.10242895071507073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701403000422492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052871064001185,0.0,0.0,0.14491567845194694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731266298522867,0.11819964938932387,0.0,0.0,0.1206395830960844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30207275498734376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177364341837204,0.0,0.12942847479152214,0.0,0.23777815983018016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255202916641917,0.0,0.0,0.17453535026782682,0.08219981515088225,0.11047689126946796,0.0,0.10516394297304796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803443395824992,0.1103772827080302,0.0,0.096507958736763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248489257254658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223047805586362,0.0,0.0,0.15424632695397766,0.0,0.0,0.1142818321386734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454353898265384,0.0,0.0,0.06323468093666965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621313882665669,0.11532164950321988,0.0,0.10182562903901926,0.0,0.0,0.12560300011376346,0.0,0.10384731483629528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319094538084629,0.0,0.11617911191970945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009812398268118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644817763708595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880170426599666,0.08144097980297307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611403976264881,0.0,0.0,0.17302355491146887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335950367396739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709316887182716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786613541359032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376599620335706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819140852559948
bpd,Awhelenqt,2019/02/05,"Worried about other Redditors opinions of me Which is obviously ridiculous but I'm a stay at home mum and m don't really have friends anymore since I had my son. I recently discovered reddit and it's sad how much it's changed my life? Like I now follow world wide news and talk to other people with common interests regularly which I would never have done.

I start a lot of threads myself and I worry I'll get called a ""karma whore"" or whatever when I don't even really know what the point of karma is?

I just like it, I like giving people things to think and talk about. It was the same in my Baby Centre forum birth group, we all had newborns at the same time and would be up all night so I'd post fun things to keep others entertained. 

I'm currently active on you and your wedding forum since I'm engaged and again I post new threads with stuff that I think will benefit others like recently ""how far in advance of your wedding day are you having beauty m treatments done?"". I already have mine booked so it's not for my benefit but for others.

I dunno I just love it when people reply I find it so validating.",3.0524154135338364,4.893972625,4.4953947368421066,83.83118421052635,74.98214285714286,7.394360902255639,24.28947368421053,8.20500826718156,1.502316071428571,884,28,172,15,19,294,131,224,0.083,0.687,0.23,0.9905,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,4,0,1,14,15,1,0,6,0,18,3,0,2,4,36,30,18,0,2,6,2,0,4,1,3,1,0,1,1,19,11,0,1,4,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,0,27,12,19,21,6,30,2,1,0,2,17,10,0,4,19,120,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809858776265644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309532773712526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703834059468326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197112672880052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655114180874939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746766812477137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864115656021516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266096603968032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368647322474647,0.0,0.07011658903738792,0.1287416936170959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461858744310448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928759696285547,0.0,0.0,0.07375557469246581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479298156368796,0.2622631946908838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409631724108295,0.12112527923863957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986561388374816,0.0,0.10350719257045576,0.12961605420436806,0.0,0.12594232930436847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27912260932197736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686713219627727,0.0,0.2570626419791812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719503573966103,0.0,0.2650225529084572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222031575212343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499101094384577,0.14304470537285466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363265101375376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157378389455744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831971711647132,0.1719863284530002,0.0,0.0,0.07825603220859535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725834447505769,0.0,0.19067080548356696,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myhti,2019/02/05,"How do you get through bpd rage without getting arrested? You know the type: debilitating rage urging you to scream at or attack someone over, sometimes, quite literally nothing. Over-exaggeration to the nth degree. I want to break my hands.

Google says ""count to ten"".",5.0817391304347845,8.337276739130438,5.184956521739132,74.27526086956524,75.08695652173913,7.1582608695652175,30.93913043478261,8.238735603445708,2.748457391304348,214,10,34,4,5,67,38,46,0.237,0.693,0.07,-0.8792,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,5,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,5,0,8,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609847426814736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996395188599203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315616633975133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438470243349788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304466498641192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33749713025437394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25233681557932863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268854846495301,0.0,0.31382666846513485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871570418970429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30587450786521303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Trout_Tickler,2019/02/05,Paramore - Rose-Coloured Boy? Anyone else related to this song? It came about because the label told them to make something more upbeat so they made this song about everyone viewing the world through rose-coloured glasses and idk I just really feel it idk I'm weird. ,4.466875000000002,7.454020270833336,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,75.45833333333334,6.34,30.43333333333333,7.554174236665415,2.0528283333333333,215,10,38,3,5,61,38,48,0.106,0.894,0.0,-0.4329,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,5,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420908772140099,0.35475180819743346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105755779566496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959929383478729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28922931718085554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308359774527854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506343121975818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276095884297526,0.231110078417972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180271433711407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665434601335153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308359774527854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TwinBorb,2019/02/05,Just figure out this is a thing. I'm going to have my mom set up a doctor appointment in the morning. I fit every symptom perfectly. Thank you so much u/lilvigilante for showing me this is a thing. My life feels whole and unwhole at the same time. I know I'm fucked up but it's alright I guess but also really awesome to know the thing that I have. Will give an update if I remember (or care) when I get the results. I am 16.,-0.12142424242424354,2.0770948777777822,2.547575757575757,91.37045454545456,89.11111111111109,5.494949494949495,20.404040404040398,6.980632752743323,0.5372222222222223,329,11,72,5,11,114,66,90,0.031,0.8009999999999999,0.168,0.8998,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,0,8,1,6,4,0,1,1,16,18,8,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,4,8,17,3,11,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,3,3,52,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784788399036024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275492740829631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22843658618131785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804075063809167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284769903103704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632848076228136,0.11660356325482175,0.21409684100875595,0.12683966936302016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24586051377154736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453103591352068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764028988889914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613884639611838,0.0,0.0,0.164064702566731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297632450926612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528220890113629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319719104617293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547631690809248,0.0,0.0,0.4448172971581344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013941960069786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491751168313549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ben6L6,2019/02/05,"Non-clinical information on communicating with a BPD loved one. I tend to favor clinical or scientific journals when I read about illnesses.  I've read countless articles from the therapeutic point of view regarding BPD.  It's super helpful to understand what BPD is but I don't want to take on the therapist role at all.  I think I just want to be able to communicate and make points that stick with her when things get bad.  I want the security of a constructive conversation to last longer.  

Delay, Distract, and Depersonalize has worked well for tough conversations but it's tenuous and leaves me visibly frustrated (that sure makes things worse) when I have to repeat the process.  Is there anything worth reading to work on this?  I'm a little lost with it.",5.318625304136251,7.873805138686134,6.002645985401461,72.36095194647204,70.60583941605839,10.406082725060827,31.12469586374696,10.504223727775694,3.884742579075427,612,27,106,20,12,199,95,137,0.172,0.695,0.133,-0.6965,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,7,11,1,1,7,0,6,3,0,2,2,21,19,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,1,9,6,20,17,1,13,0,1,1,1,7,7,0,1,6,65,18,5,0.14121030006561816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620404505667263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117904702196617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5335482888952426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377655354408331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465028754860864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510524164116495,0.0,0.14952131861175716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152981794265204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414772348235886,0.0,0.12744780902742614,0.0,0.18851794361950092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568775387575294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669787535292698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237455407348213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308903665658825,0.0,0.10617257181066822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395604215910942,0.1876276975024288,0.09048185846003727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470049024170146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24986848083425894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696501843427113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056055605086536,0.0,0.14390535970030413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MyDietIsBorderlinePD,2019/02/05,"I literally cannot do anything, plz help Hello. I'm very glad I found this sub :)

I'm a 27y/o F and I suffer (horribly) from BPD. My biggest symptom is emotional codependency. I'm currently driving my bf crazy and trying to cling onto the relationship as much as I can, but he is super tired of me. (We are actually going to talk tomorrow and I'll do everything in my power to convince him not to leave me... Again... Yay.)

Anyway, along with this codependency, I have HORRIBLE depression. I do not have a job because I cannot wake up earlier than 1pm, and then I just have no energy to do absolutely anything, so, afternoon jobs are not an option either. 
I was going to college, but then I started taking my classes online because most days I cannot find the energy to even get out of bed or shower.
My children live with my mom (they visit me frequently and we text, tho) because I cannot take care of them the way I am, I alienated most of my few friends because I'm always talking about suicide, my therapist has to talk to me over the phone because I am unable to go see her, and I pretty much spend all my days in bed, going through Facebook, Reddit and Goodreads. (I also watch the CW's ""Crazy Ex Girlfriend"", and play ""Episode"" on my phone, lol).

The only times when I disguise myself as a normal human, are when I go see my boyfriend, I eat, shower, dress, makeup and everything, but even then, it's super hard to actually get up, get ready and get out. It takes A LOT of convincing myself to do it.

So, I have no life. I'm a pathetic loser. And I am medicated, which helps me sleep, but that's it.

I'm writing this on behalf of a part of me that still has hope and wants to stop being such a burden to society. So, does anybody have any tips on how to ""get a life"" when you don't even have the energy to crawl out of bed? Has anybody else been through this?

Thanks for reading.",3.1012489818083107,4.370829551181103,5.019357407910217,82.47637795275591,73.69816272965879,8.089818083084444,27.31115938093945,8.641336200584522,1.9821345099103995,1453,54,297,27,29,500,197,381,0.14,0.716,0.14400000000000002,-0.2804,6,0,0,0,0,1,70.0,2,1,2,4,18,15,0,0,16,2,31,8,2,1,1,43,58,32,1,3,10,2,1,0,3,0,5,0,5,2,11,20,1,1,2,2,1,7,10,4,0,0,3,4,48,11,48,54,9,38,0,3,3,0,26,13,0,6,17,205,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.19692533066203968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068872682419242,0.08395587706550957,0.0,0.0,0.06861463794495265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606221595481696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30753483286355554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707849531634008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287304212331397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301427462784098,0.0,0.08690398096395004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829721207514009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324465275121844,0.08428799295078516,0.11349755943108245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199928099854508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813626549773792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221966716996577,0.0,0.0,0.11063031656879213,0.07795415574764382,0.0,0.2635772696437683,0.0,0.2867155411036782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090385498322777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526066569728268,0.0,0.0,0.10021526604516304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200252962543242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683725118624364,0.0,0.0,0.1425356002336404,0.0,0.0,0.08909548113177036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578054405578138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164491698646047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817144472112588,0.0,0.0,0.14834444210920875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988593924793906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673807733873504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926355829362126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265034436372522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092609578992152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832754137027073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160806546262611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097165904435414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141668369500853,0.0,0.08057790494394501,0.08435590734524613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036690097514586,0.0,0.0,0.1048724774558259,0.2275900017925721,0.2432958790299986,0.0,0.09289405070535547,0.0,0.11715127329192612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058834896522698174,0.11596831760833468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850365601623329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325206967011045,0.05951272121431502,0.08008876395802472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwthisfuckeraway5,2019/02/05,"""Just be yourself!"" Myself? Sorry, I don't know her.",-1.865333333333332,-2.3335541999999965,1.0500000000000007,93.47166666666668,141.0,1.3333333333333337,13.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.3096666666666668,38,1,7,0,3,13,10,10,0.185,0.815,0.0,-0.1511,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406998849557853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8976545055866192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alluringluna,2019/02/05,Anyone else get upset when their FP ignores their texts? So you refuse to text them for the rest of the day but then get really scared they’ll abandon you because you got mad?,6.16,6.027898285714286,5.395,87.55250000000002,66.14285714285714,8.142857142857144,26.07142857142857,7.1686216300943375,1.0061428571428563,140,3,29,1,2,42,30,35,0.395,0.605,0.0,-0.9537,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,4,0,2,5,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,0,3,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815334000536575,0.4125495511700621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24544399416053764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596677842975143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363518443908209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42072279896825976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220258740187963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579397994136565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403110232512434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdblur,2019/02/05,"I am constantly hung up on my boyfriend's past I find that I am constantly obsessing over women from my boyfriend's past. It seems to alternate one day to the next, and I find myself questioning him about things that happened or the way he felt about these women to relieve the anxiety/bad feelings I am having from the thoughts.

​

I know that he loves me and thinks that I am great, but I cannot stop myself from comparing. Any good quality that one of the girl posses I feel like it a shortcoming of my own. Today I was triggered bc a mutual friend referred to one of my boyfriend's past love interests as ""hilarious"" and now I feel like she was funnier than me, or my boyfriend laughed more with her. Just had to get this off my chest.  ",5.768911564625846,6.1471277959183706,5.710612244897963,83.211768707483,66.9591836734694,9.798639455782316,32.65986394557823,9.725611199111238,2.8614435374149663,594,24,121,12,9,186,89,147,0.018000000000000002,0.731,0.251,0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,1,7,0,9,3,1,1,0,22,21,7,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,1,12,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,4,24,10,20,16,2,15,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,4,12,83,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591937284870385,0.17853057620944404,0.09991438495665206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267666360310535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317548559707494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475479897896523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286985712249016,0.2099272271211552,0.14107153040791146,0.0,0.26857450836034275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351428440953892,0.0,0.07676251474543555,0.0,0.0,0.12323414678940475,0.0,0.16198589325074547,0.0,0.0,0.12992574309010452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074641775385766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356076519145225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652120179047274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625694650936942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986815837143762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42077107222562615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459019646224066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375546598868535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283630508438165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761078014830483,0.09414393408988464,0.0,0.11664244304511145,0.0,0.0,0.13926820374458626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662263086229925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853057620944404,0.0
bpd,RavenBlackBriar,2019/02/05,"Can’t trust myself to drive I recently got my license at 23, very late for a lot of reasons, and I am absolutely filled with anxiety about it but more than anything I do not feel like I can trust myself to drive a car because as soon as I have a bad day what’s to stop myself from driving off of a cliff? My impulse control is not good enough to have something with so much potential to harm. But driving is important and you really can’t live without it where I live. This causes me to have very unbalanced relationships where my boyfriend has to drive me everywhere and ends up messing up the power dynamic in addition to all the other horrors of having a relationship while BPD. 

I’m afraid to drive a car on my own because I fear that I will give in to my suicidal impulses and crash the car on purpose. ",8.806984126984126,6.22236502469136,9.02336860670194,71.58944444444445,62.33333333333334,12.713932980599651,40.426807760141095,11.20814326018867,4.344917813051145,642,28,127,14,7,214,102,162,0.214,0.7190000000000001,0.067,-0.9826,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,5,10,0,2,9,0,13,0,0,3,1,19,17,10,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,0,10,5,5,0,0,1,1,19,5,30,15,6,27,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,8,96,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317683385815365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325958036905356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535619781555678,0.2122448425806257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925772588633868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883631779883186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525448086662794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227234993054652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541902847806178,0.1798794276324324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589738516195485,0.08802411718616253,0.12436849298011694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700106057952252,0.0,0.14601674427913475,0.1392340667608742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963788325216684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505059711777656,0.0,0.30744576462087403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800338143872502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279747015566075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152522250355347,0.17899144535643075,0.17189088542224873,0.3738106957054879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402143786697224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554535260710735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042400258749104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872816431412742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167814607505413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kb11410,2019/02/05,"what do you guys do to cope with losing all your friends (again) help. lost one friend, they all seemed to follow. now I’m alone and in a bad place. again. i’m tired of fighting. i’m tired of putting myself out there. i’ve gotten even more anxious than i used to be. i’m so tired ",-0.8024999999999984,1.3236914166666691,0.3150000000000013,106.1625,93.16666666666666,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.6993333333333331,215,4,54,0,8,66,44,60,0.32299999999999995,0.555,0.122,-0.9168,0,1,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,2,1,2,6,6,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,7,12,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,2,0,5,2,9,9,3,8,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,1,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402945734939867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22255051143940385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448424751370094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011464561352493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043987520489857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505797939205008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204292139618345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038922777359488,0.21504547172906013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349025017070987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581991265605712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803637316180744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793386494857073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6792571380955106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014213801940756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LilPincake,2019/02/05,"I just want to feel validated I'm currently basically on my knees for my bf. Doing everything for him. Trying so hard to change myself to be less of a burden etc. But he keeps rejecting me. Getting so angry at me and I currently feel worthless. I've been eating comfort food a lot and I gained weight which made me even more insecure and I feel like a worthless piece of shit right now. I also recently lost a very important family member and I seriously feel so alone and hurt. 

I just want to be hugged and loved. ",2.000187165775401,4.4701693039215735,4.106755793226384,82.13494652406419,81.45098039215686,8.022816399286988,22.998217468805706,8.841846274778883,2.009713725490196,407,14,79,11,11,139,68,102,0.278,0.5529999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.937,2,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,1,1,4,0,4,7,2,1,0,18,16,11,0,2,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,3,6,14,4,10,11,5,7,0,5,0,2,4,3,1,1,5,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994439291282328,0.0,0.1539977619321757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037130003116032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970466765424938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147658992335844,0.12719034052935238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306905229430292,0.0,0.18153738913026776,0.0,0.3894757070218877,0.1375716913815646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285580734509875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060961727596368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250445013415158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614963572049047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116462225227194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407973207792376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021236041141916,0.1637157050537827,0.17380149482379528,0.18221391982294624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190139152400874,0.0,0.0,0.1644533033336805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766982747557427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074205190592478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889000743998158,0.2271649642822272,0.0,0.0,0.23449777606163635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Good_Aspect,2019/02/05,"Who here struggles with gender identity disturbances as part of their BPD? I feel like my sexual identity is really under developed. Also I hated my NPD so much, I didn't really identify with him as my role model",5.371916666666667,7.116513025000002,7.899999999999999,62.17166666666668,68.75,13.333333333333336,28.333333333333336,12.45797560212912,5.044333333333333,171,6,26,8,3,62,32,40,0.209,0.7340000000000001,0.057,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,8,1,6,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27186199480167594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281615857983445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718915283398683,0.2428640129439333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33563530994838603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608490482073476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24990613643850154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681382776252571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355679229145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553949142613472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,EmotionalWombat,2019/02/05,Reality Shift Hello! So earlier this morning I was feeling sick to my stomach with guilt for all the wrong I had done especially one specific event that drives me sick with guilt on a daily basis... anyways.... I was just sitting down thinking about this event and I had a “breakthrough” of sorts and now all of a sudden I feel super empowered like I’m not that bad and I should move on and be okay... I’m not sure how long this feeling will last. I’m just wondering if anyone else experiences these life changing back and forth inner dialogues?? ,3.2440384615384623,5.665187634615389,4.2371538461538485,83.20784615384616,76.5,7.236923076923077,26.746153846153845,8.238735603445708,1.9570530769230776,430,17,80,8,10,139,73,104,0.15,0.738,0.11199999999999999,-0.6444,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,4,1,8,4,1,1,3,23,16,8,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,5,3,8,4,10,8,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,8,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726952722961872,0.2530618287613655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899135996019006,0.20621931356279646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26127377659545536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527479196153259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632142880143853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415953898136876,0.0,0.0,0.37464394286375946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201322962328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445040311047885,0.12066273072159785,0.0,0.0,0.2185709375735147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625023464867388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736111921742994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23277722831009345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582558319887803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678410018658805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27003559991050696,0.0,0.0
bpd,DiscoYes,2019/02/05,"So much pain I found out my boyfriend of a year cheated on me the entire time, nearly got kicked out of University and nearly lost my job all in the same week. For a normal person this would be tortuous, but I can’t even describe the pain I’m feeling right now. I’ve cut nearly every day but nothing takes the pain away, and it’s even harder because I’m ‘quiet’ and everything just gets directed inwards. The pain is just too much to deal with.",5.939,5.486877122222222,6.376666666666669,81.405,66.66666666666667,8.977777777777778,30.222222222222207,8.238735603445708,2.0001555555555557,351,11,71,4,5,114,66,90,0.23800000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.9705,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,7,0,4,4,0,0,1,16,12,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,2,5,0,13,7,4,14,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,0,5,47,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551716656177637,0.0,0.0,0.10067897068675596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651344447436303,0.17027096190486884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817100757104904,0.0,0.1391529964294768,0.0,0.14843363639592147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083509002208586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108755836184634,0.0,0.0,0.08628839847853492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209218519117474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389413483750048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028980142664192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24282071724347565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182007392247105,0.15847384941254658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7029603304882238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420986276623768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104429132500226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417849226876128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630513667690953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248003126347482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173237223006974,0.0,0.0,0.10635653444589592
bpd,nbskeleton,2019/02/05,"I’m tired Didn’t get drunk even tho it was the super bowl, slept early, meditated this morning, ate healthy, went to work and did a good job, exercised, used my DBT skills. 

Yet my brain just wont shut the fuck upppppp about what a failure I am, how no one truly loves me and everyone always leaves me, how I’ll never be able to function like a “normal” human etc.

Trying so hard and just feeling defeated by this shit today. Tomorrow is another day. It gets better. Yada yada. I’m just tired ",1.8774489795918403,4.159503479591841,3.52383673469388,87.25330612244898,80.53061224489795,6.3689795918367365,22.044897959183675,7.554174236665415,1.0004987755102044,383,12,76,6,10,127,78,98,0.185,0.599,0.215,0.555,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,10,8,2,0,5,0,7,10,3,3,1,12,18,7,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,1,2,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,2,5,5,4,10,1,8,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,0,7,42,10,2,0.19409934323865385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150620254875586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035300852192312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166509577876898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667905956122524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251780189509037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164720755553234,0.12820078561462675,0.0,0.0,0.1854702404091508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814245997418204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794417151489872,0.20281779137447745,0.0,0.0,0.16280132012761744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387488654544325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261364814437704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055231787570278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482713476987684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518223541720154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497013793506021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901761451811772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315267383089977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992401865519668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446177283771944,0.1839834819497448,0.0,0.0,0.13178071304353325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763951250367926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993203578033942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413066335897608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tippedthescaffold,2019/07/21,"I split hard on my ex today and said the most horrible things. I hate myself. He wasn't the best to me (no that's not just my mind talking everyone around me warned me for years) but today he messaged me asking how I was after my grandma passed and I said such awful things. I won't repeat them, but my mind right now makes me sick. I literally feel like our entire relationship was a sham, all he's ever done was lie to me, it was all a waste of time, he was abusive to me, that I wish he were dead, that he hates me and wants me to die, that he's worthless and will have nothing without me, etc. I mean I understand being angry at someone (he dumped me because my grandma and 3 of my friends died and I was being too ""dramatic"" about it) but I wish I didn't have so much hate in my heart. I wish I could just be angry but not be so vicious. I wish I could see our past for what it was and just be upset at how our relationship ended instead of my memories being so distorted. 

I just want to be a nice person.",2.8022015503876005,3.4391714837209304,4.54418604651163,88.01224806201553,73.69767441860466,7.407751937984497,24.56589147286821,7.554174236665415,0.9666496124031004,779,22,177,9,15,265,111,215,0.306,0.593,0.10099999999999999,-0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,1,1,16,11,5,1,5,1,24,2,1,3,3,39,41,16,3,8,11,1,2,1,1,2,1,2,0,1,10,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,13,5,41,4,18,17,6,17,0,1,1,0,22,6,0,1,11,132,51,0,0.0,0.13307766346755978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998623161078923,0.10500153684089866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846759862632004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787010281153412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935248880813146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23313530077487796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149396188782856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947981210829196,0.0,0.12526350674952655,0.0,0.10159745045102632,0.0,0.1073240169741452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056791014110497674,0.08023951918537918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677608642386439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061426153227772,0.33267031494836713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309657051923862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054872571465916384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497268637467418,0.0,0.0,0.122346493516222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268169596904936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256615702850277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777150223461167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072195953664628,0.0,0.09807115561953512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411735462176557,0.0,0.09591838157563083,0.213678992336956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950236598790466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516610470829133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027641106405601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923727948618148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549313524631542,0.0,0.2129273817317219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692629606331365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249533626227078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166375213600178,0.10826989292754552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232867461850112
bpd,Dual_Prophet,2019/07/21,"I think I might love my FP but she can't love me back I just recently found out about BPD and it definitely seems like that's what's happening with me.

I recently got a FP a couple weeks ago. We've known each other for awhile but haven't talked much until recently. For whatever reason I told her a lot of personal stuff about me that I've never told anyone before. 

I was ready for the typical bad reaction but instead she was extremely understanding and supportive. Like unbelievably so. She said stuff to me that I've actually fantasized about before. She's just the best and I was so happy.

She does have a boyfriend and I was fine with that at first. But then she told me that she had an open relationship with him and that she was interested in sleeping with me. I was obviously interested too.

This lead to a lot of flirting which lead to a lot of heart to hearts which lead to us getting even closer to eachother. And very recently we just had our first experience together.

I was really inexperienced and made a lot of mistakes but it all still just felt so wonderful. I really liked making her feel good. Even if I wasn't really good at it

A bit after this she said that she was interested in someone else and was gonna ask to sleep with them. Like I said I was okay with the fact that she had a boyfriend and I was, and still am, just friends with her. But for some reason hearing her say that made me break down.

I tried coming up with any reason why she shouldn't and that eventually lead to me saying something really stupid. She got upset with me and I just started balling. I had to have apologized at least 20 times to her even after she calmed down.

After that I found out about BPD and FPs by Googling a couple things. So much about this disorder makes sense to me and I do think I have it. 

It's only gotten worse with her. She's still extremely nice to me and hasn't gotten upset since last time but I've just gotten more attached to her. At one point today we were texting and she lost service and I just slowly started freaking out more and more. Then a couple hours later she texted me and it felt like the biggest weight off my shoulders.

I care about her so much. I absolutely need her in my life. I can't go more than a couple hours without needing to talk to her. At this point I start getting teary eyed whenever she says something nice to me. I feel like it's just getting worse but I can't stop talking to her. I need her.

She thinks I'm in love with her but I honestly don't know if I am or if it's just all this BPD stuff. I just wish she knew how amazing she makes me feel. But I don't wanna tell her cause I feel like she'd be even more weirded out then she probably already is.

No one has ever made me feel this happy before. That's not an exaggeration. She is the best person I've ever met in my life and I love her. I don't know how exactly I love her but I know that I need her in my life.

I just want her to say it back. Just once.",2.014976112794219,3.9317960146818973,3.4820435213237,89.5948480831974,78.24959216965745,6.923432766254952,21.713149615474247,7.8965179332212925,0.8515397576322541,2339,66,512,39,56,769,230,613,0.061,0.71,0.228,0.9990000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,4,0,1,9,39,40,1,2,19,1,38,15,6,16,8,130,102,46,0,12,30,0,8,7,1,3,3,8,0,2,36,40,1,1,23,1,0,6,14,8,0,4,38,17,108,32,70,59,20,65,0,1,1,5,75,24,0,12,41,367,144,5,0.0,0.0,0.05402791571479874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907742513008051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061096272257930434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037649863156034635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03871225326748734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175847767519128,0.0,0.0,0.08514400271617947,0.046227173385490636,0.0,0.0,0.14133372789259066,0.0,0.11620357698549424,0.0,0.06044386268963978,0.0,0.20918953019500452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564479544655627,0.056874750404516415,0.0,0.047691746974294666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450397457504657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345268988608622,0.0,0.0484499816840167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462500640583401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627132685802194,0.1001609981955535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541572551139913,0.0,0.0,0.13997016255312314,0.07910503955227606,0.10631750007518072,0.0,0.0,0.09418629257142597,0.0,0.1214089705775446,0.0427745942301354,0.0,0.08677723964169758,0.0,0.0314650086645425,0.09287448979012848,0.08856034268988085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048958780559083766,0.11787340705964575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239998867466181,0.1312147627763345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090460633731606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128089754318236,0.04512958231344909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731707703460775,0.18933861307684308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043705982577961,0.18827619539383972,0.24984380842110174,0.15716212241577104,0.11086900908467158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058733148536076835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209817276564512,0.16420875724094489,0.04270063417534622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058961549448363584,0.07503304460082008,0.042107314083307895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668456046324804,0.0,0.0,0.10467498666048827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969246092150667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187205980907738,0.1707722553979547,0.2186636657594072,0.05944091859658924,0.0,0.0,0.15799339258178205,0.17611277967881392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040190151828957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579821379110748,0.0,0.11080927509105562,0.0,0.04691029154594662,0.08524483081912614,0.0,0.0,0.11756216087587798,0.0,0.13264285225727093,0.04628732968757553,0.0,0.0,0.1901378483585524,0.0,0.06282715309341763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350003477764366,0.04839114776485737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036781815919017816,0.1064263039899416,0.0,0.0,0.06456714978678951,0.0,0.05247921823514492,0.15870989807468616,0.0,0.03758896573597642,0.0,0.0,0.05763655720207104,0.0665968617171054,0.0,0.0,0.04568163768569286,0.03265550729218741,0.0,0.044410185777755296,0.06741923307036668,0.0,0.0,0.049957988682781916,0.0,0.06366661960385499,0.05336955062359595,0.06004060540734583,0.0,0.0,0.11284262442517293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwitinabinxddd,2019/07/21,"I hate that we’re stereotyped as sociopaths. We, or at least I, feel so much intense guilt for the people that we harm that it’s impossible to express. Just a thought.",2.91,5.028847272727276,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,76.27272727272728,5.612121212121212,29.181818181818183,6.42735559955562,1.23329090909091,132,6,27,1,3,41,28,33,0.315,0.643,0.042,-0.8803,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29785793635829616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5815972535454855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43304359907527895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408395803675186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676658991814065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,devilsletuspray,2019/07/21,"Lack of identity leading to poor choices around others. TLDR- tendency to reflect others emotions/behaviors tough when trying to avoid alcohol, cigs, staying up late, etc etc 

Hey guys. I have trouble around alcohol. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes it doesn’t. My family drinks a lot and so do most of the people I come in social contact with. I believe lack of a strong identity compells me to do what everyone else is doing. It’s like I can quit cigarettes for weeks but as soon as I go to a party I immediately feel compelled to bum some if people are smoking. I barely drink on my own time and would love it if the stuff would just disappear from the planet. 

So yesterday I knew I was irritated at my cousins fiancée but had to help at the big house to get it ready for the wedding. I knew they would all be drinking and know that I shouldn’t drink when I’m aggravated because I might say things I’ll regret. So I made such solid plans to not drink. Planned what I would say, brought seltzer, etc. I made it about a half hour until I started drinking (at 4pm) and chose to do so specifically because I felt irritated and annoyed at fiancée as soon as I saw her and forgot all of my previous wise mind plans. And of course, I yelled at the fiancée and called her a bitch before the end of the night. 

This was a more severe situation. I just can’t seem to control my alcohol intake around others who can drink a lot and not have serious emotional reactions like I do. It’s my family so it’s not just avoiding the bar either. 

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic because of my disinterest in alcohol generally but I I feel like I will do whatever anyone around me is doing. I even mirror accents unless I actively try not to. Any advice or pointers in the right direction? I’m fine giving up alcohol altogether in social situations but once I get there, I forget who I am and what I’m doing. 

Does anyone relate or have advice??",4.016052131414611,5.512847855643045,5.576837722870848,78.47952755905513,71.75590551181102,8.719739342926962,29.67336410534889,9.223106411051027,2.6704809666033125,1527,63,288,33,29,518,197,381,0.114,0.762,0.124,0.627,0,2,14,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,7,21,16,2,2,18,0,31,15,0,6,2,70,55,32,0,10,17,1,3,3,0,7,6,3,0,1,20,17,14,4,9,8,1,5,8,8,1,1,11,7,42,8,46,36,14,37,0,1,1,1,18,18,1,10,16,211,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967351219200352,0.0,0.458259133247274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048600032158539724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994282029297948,0.0,0.0,0.2544832398572608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306969172878021,0.0,0.06081318004795326,0.08051887130602234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297582969909626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615625195513135,0.0,0.0,0.08015635284111218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254128091157374,0.0,0.0,0.4900733819071653,0.0,0.0,0.05970153440543314,0.08039079128700906,0.06329857740877674,0.0,0.23911389488296475,0.047203300312877255,0.0,0.0,0.0682898112922003,0.0,0.0,0.1347455138726378,0.0,0.07227175698488544,0.051056061614489084,0.06861955780895243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467714857709623,0.06855768880303359,0.04061636098457881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076359725879229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790284478326096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703806301331579,0.08246335905390942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03927641151198515,0.0,0.08061792446589075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474554501891024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151742906615975,0.0645017862272435,0.13524766649404715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581522662634453,0.07216132889838554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706696779411872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611005616227595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909248226763906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601398509734499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061032454448952216,0.0,0.11366690392005185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650609014032447,0.0,0.08073740336242853,0.0,0.0,0.1606638756123479,0.0,0.1457032772062595,0.0,0.0,0.14136544320764055,0.0,0.05058473276530629,0.07617434663428667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181265277985539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747952015403894,0.04579318810084131,0.0,0.0,0.04167300081567838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704284639780383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732654187933446,0.0,0.06425744420308592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030725148768787,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liop38,2019/07/21,"Best way to move on from an abusive relationship with suspected-BPD partner? CW: Sexual Abuse

​

Hey all,

Figured this would be a good subreddit to tell my story though and try to figure some things out.

I had a very on-off relationship (or \*something\* anyway, it was never given a name) with a girl whilst I was at university. Some days it would feel like she was completely in love with me and absolutely adored me, other days it felt like she genuinely hated me and disliked me being around her. A lot about the whole situation was pretty toxic, and made me feel pretty low. There's a lot of stuff I could go into but for brevity's sake I'm not sure it's worth it.

I'd often be more distant from her and start avoiding her around campus because she was treating me pretty shitty and triggering my anxiety and whenever I'd do this it felt like she would suddenly become far more affectionate and attentive. Additionally, she'd also start acting sad and start saying things like how she loved me, wanted to be with me properly and saw a long term future in everything, but she couldn't fully commit right now because she'd been raped by a guy before. As you can probably imagine, I found this incredibly mentally distressing, and was having panic attacks thinking that I was an absolutely awful human being and really selfish to her etc.

Anyway, I had my university finals coming up so I decided I needed a break from her. I wouldn't say that things were ""ended"", but I told her I needed space for the sake of my mental health and didn't really want to be around her. In this time she secretly started sleeping with one of her best friend's ex's (who her best friend was still romantically involved with) whilst telling that friend how they had nothing to worry about and how much they cared about them etc. This came out at the start of the next academic year, by which time I'd graduated. She was still messaging me at this time saying that she missed me and was thinking about me etc etc. I didn't know about the other guy at the time (it was all done in secret) but the more I processed things, the more I realised that there was this incredibly manipulative pattern in her behaviour where she would make it seem like her mental health was reliant on me being sexually interested in her. All of it seemed more like hardcore manipulation rather than a genuine cry for help.

There was always something quite weird about her and quite a lot of red flags, but I guess I just ignored them because I wanted to believe in the best parts of her. Seems pretty dumb now, there was always a lot of really weird stuff about her. She doesn't really have any friends that are girls, more just guys that she kinda controls sexually/emotionally, at least, that's a widespread view among many girls that I know that cautioned about her initially.

Anyway, that cathartic recollection aside. Whilst I am over it in a romantic sense and don't have feelings for her, it's been incredibly hard to process emotionally. I don't want to hate her or anyone really, it isn't in my nature, but sometimes I get so angry when I think about the way I was treated and manipulated. There's a lot of other drama involving her that isn't so related to me, so basically a lot of people have essentially near completely ostracised her, but it's hard not to feel an extreme sense of anxiety/anger whenever she's mentioned. I'd like to be able to leave these negative emotions behind, but even almost a year later it's extremely hard. I'm still so confused as to how I should feel - e.g. I think she clearly displays signs of BPD/mental illness and whilst I would try to be extremely sympathetic about stuff like that it's extremely hard not to feel so hateful towards her. I don't think feeling like that is healthy for me though.

I've also had to contend with the fact that a lot of men break up with their partners and call them 'psycho' or whatever unfairly without recognising their own flaws. I fully accept that I'm a flawed person, but I really don't understand how someone rational could act in such a way as she does, so how can I justify to myself that it's okay to diagnose her with a mental health condition albeit one that fully reflects my experience in interacting with her? I genuinely believe that I treated her as best I could, and I wanted to do anything to try help her.

Are people with BPD awful? Is the stigma deserved? She's shown absolutely no remorse and has never apologised to me or anyone else that she's hurt. Is it okay to hate her? How can I be in a situation where all of this ultimately means nothing to me? Should I inform her I think she has undiagnosed BPD?

If you've got this far, thanks for reading.

TL,DR: Very toxic relationship with someone I suspect has BPD, never been sure how to process/move on from. Advice would be appreciated.",6.70610767872904,7.047784596548006,7.162129253702068,73.73346160635485,64.9546925566343,10.280113758948712,32.172776306756894,10.104522489648273,3.1546118230852214,3879,142,705,82,55,1271,358,927,0.141,0.705,0.154,0.9653,0,1,2,0,1,0,96.0,0,1,7,8,54,53,7,4,37,4,78,9,1,15,12,164,136,60,0,22,21,1,13,9,6,9,5,3,0,11,59,43,0,3,35,2,1,6,20,19,0,2,36,19,116,34,113,74,34,84,0,4,3,3,96,39,1,22,43,521,175,4,0.04266590205636568,0.10110423431371801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041692625692886766,0.0,0.0,0.04272373783266719,0.0,0.0,0.06823981291941959,0.07100289681009604,0.04622848705244662,0.05184374101418255,0.02901427647445185,0.0,0.03263929829141035,0.0,0.0,0.05966598149889151,0.043716258679782766,0.03511040202193196,0.11394509558007665,0.0,0.048538623038724284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780262136489252,0.047121136731574566,0.036305540157793824,0.09613972212457628,0.2238761596559068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686810502464257,0.0,0.04356665633337541,0.048798425626483184,0.04350073067977657,0.0,0.0,0.036752896724406764,0.08946877310668637,0.0,0.0478534371115038,0.10219575310788057,0.0,0.0468664899725014,0.05503195432868983,0.0,0.0,0.04330499247702845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733721840996579,0.043662031088457016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035641886399119686,0.1439801914199795,0.03778932531128028,0.0,0.19033503605884072,0.028180425916523744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03834536165501538,0.04173543915585008,0.0,0.0,0.15101213432631275,0.06096105790823595,0.08193191376206689,0.04673841020993201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678095939175887,0.131854280365608,0.0,0.022291172854284502,0.0,0.024248015374731348,0.03578613437486732,0.034123819478804066,0.0,0.04700130131141709,0.12673785287810313,0.0,0.0,0.1528810712211048,0.16849498052670125,0.0,0.13605557621516906,0.0,0.0,0.057196109579531126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045674730588514914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689612792088825,0.0,0.0,0.045177029807765036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875996414610472,0.0,0.0,0.03775798070224482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539111692685824,0.07701528478780599,0.04037150814408689,0.0284798209287832,0.04325652800702735,0.0,0.04647567527717097,0.0,0.0,0.21498597072777814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534710169144325,0.03136434721303892,0.06327245151422642,0.09871972180589536,0.0,0.04537567087105046,0.0,0.0,0.08187816745764935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782303887123502,0.0,0.0,0.050059243180999406,0.0,0.046203014165240766,0.0,0.05915832869562826,0.03725421997505859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362624423996706,0.046001058687497716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907608773732753,0.042677448055400004,0.0,0.16399721628101446,0.0,0.0,0.1374216346212985,0.0,0.03643644723360808,0.0,0.1017889133974114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652430443870185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591652308514992,0.042696714860571285,0.0,0.07230136071254648,0.06569259174073702,0.04219766809803635,0.0,0.15099572537844172,0.0,0.10221913348801837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652675038071697,0.0,0.0,0.08042421551582869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458375794604084,0.039281030268778085,0.0,0.0,0.11338131794890455,0.16403152358461034,0.08383806428752479,0.0,0.09951532239664923,0.0,0.0,0.04076909782192164,0.0,0.08690204049871905,0.0,0.0,0.04441670873452856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040767506247837,0.1258272723412462,0.10159862135421407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047634955958728686,0.0,0.04112840704607108,0.0,0.0,0.04332929459041024,0.0,0.18185179605785567,0.0,0.05184374101418255,0.054950884135505015
bpd,adventurous_antelope,2019/07/21,"How do I be productive? For the past two weeks, I've been spiraling. I've been incredibly unproductive. I've spent almost all that time in my bed. I've called in sick or asked to work from home and have done absolutely nothing. I also have two exams I need to take at the beginning of August. If I fail these two exams I'll be kicked out of school. I alternate between being so stressed about my situation and feeling completely numb towards everything. The mood swings have been hard to handle but even when I feel normal, I've been unable to bring myself to be productive. I've also been spending way too much money on food and online shopping. My psychiatrist used to get mad at me when I told him my medication wasn't working so I started lying to him and telling him that everything was working. I stopped taking my medication about a month ago and skipping my group therapy sessions. Honestly I feel the same as before so I feel like those things didn't really work. All my close friends are super mad at me for this behavior and telling me that I'm not even trying and just being lazy. Which I guess I am. I just want to cut everyone off and run away abroad. I just don't know how to get out of this. I don't know what is wrong. There's not even that much I need to get done but I just can't bring myself to do anything. What things have helped when you guys spiral? Would really appreciate any support or words of advice.",3.343251173708922,5.238970179577471,4.439788732394367,84.3079694835681,74.3169014084507,7.8319248826291075,25.21361502347418,8.59863814320734,1.7242023474178405,1137,38,227,22,24,371,155,284,0.122,0.784,0.094,-0.7252,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,6,21,13,3,1,5,0,28,5,0,3,2,43,53,24,0,6,11,0,5,1,1,1,4,0,2,1,13,11,1,1,6,1,4,3,7,7,0,3,12,5,34,5,33,35,5,28,0,1,0,0,13,12,0,5,13,155,47,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034906689278296,0.09387977922493364,0.0,0.10605012598557227,0.0,0.0,0.1693868824324387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202009542206186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715207860354772,0.0,0.0990083412951384,0.0,0.09950270340074413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011868584130213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814244322489697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104101772298436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167583705270468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985086069571496,0.0,0.0,0.10119826072490896,0.19036398221540374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141981642066432,0.07565967070464294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806263794874614,0.0,0.08182314887379757,0.0,0.1659954261601736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166680205997896,0.10486414927384086,0.0,0.0,0.0948714794531079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098693764284812,0.0,0.10623291909699736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164069560983736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051740597774976575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337944321459296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453360922518054,0.0,0.15570702106756,0.15705675099825006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376594693168556,0.10162020477187984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109979921202966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569291397990785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718309716397367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904341559624232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496121131715568,0.0,0.0,0.08854262994571613,0.12131561159689165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201815141301297,0.0,0.0,0.15925711225407707,0.0,0.18513401045653016,0.0,0.12111338613780102,0.0,0.14071923084053933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061754969327555226,0.0,0.0,0.10119826072490896,0.0,0.071903605277453,0.0,0.310365973517432,0.0,0.0,0.09146926782819303,0.0,0.0,0.06246643557487173,0.0840637012049734,0.0849518577045021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30840496063691425,0.0,0.0,0.0752329846784937,0.11579220258267522,0.0,0.0
bpd,Stardust_Loren,2019/07/21,"This week's been difficult I've been dating a guy for nearly two months, but tonight he texted me saying his feelings had changed. He's got OCD and has been really honest and transparent with me about himself and his feelings over the time I've known him, which has been refreshing considering some of my past experiences. However, he's going to move to the other end of the country to start teacher training in September after passing an interview he had a couple of weeks ago. After this point, he started taking ages to reply and seemed quite distant. I felt that something wasn't right and assumed he'd just ghosted on me, but he sent a text today in which he said he started to feel gradually different and attributed it to moving away soon. He said he likes me a lot and apologised, and said he's off work now so maybe we could meet before he moves away. I immediately went into a rage once I read his text because this has triggered so many feelings of rejection and abandonment. Another person I dated recently ditched me to go on holiday with his friends and an ex-girlfriend, so that was an example of something that got dug up in the process. I'm now not sure whether to agree to meet him before he leaves or not. 

On top of this, my best friend has been distant recently and work was hard yesterday. It's a job I've been planning to leave for a while because I can't keep up with it due to my mental health, and also because I know I'm not valued there. I tried to hand my notice last week, but my manager hijacked the meeting for a different purpose and I wasn't assertive enough to stand up for my original plan. 

Overall, it feels like people who come into my life all eventually move on to better things while I stay stuck in the same place.",8.515988372093021,6.786854784883728,8.368255813953493,73.36017441860469,62.19767441860465,11.62325581395349,38.360465116279066,10.411451182825502,3.8405558139534883,1402,58,266,26,16,454,188,344,0.079,0.7959999999999999,0.125,0.9672,5,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,8,10,12,1,0,17,0,19,3,1,3,2,50,45,24,1,1,9,0,8,2,2,0,2,4,0,2,16,20,0,2,10,2,0,10,6,4,0,1,21,12,30,8,48,22,6,63,0,2,0,0,36,22,0,5,31,168,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163812045035594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736496550423129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657136405384316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305566230408295,0.0,0.0,0.1684237829399379,0.0,0.15673492609974146,0.0,0.09664974873436707,0.08145199979616054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974260405627973,0.07933310628370732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353167836760825,0.10190318779804892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244278792806865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157029318776181,0.0951604549618726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008819237231698,0.0,0.0,0.2328341586723545,0.06579386275952624,0.08842722345470462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230728147286426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046812933041583,0.0,0.14731620300939433,0.0,0.0,0.0911901595851668,0.0,0.0,0.08250050576215301,0.0,0.0,0.09789442874218576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139171104190112,0.08185973111661,0.0,0.0,0.05061390845652064,0.07507105898515108,0.0,0.1950341021659696,0.0,0.0,0.06505058514140022,0.08998753913143198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829727556385263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933715445500318,0.09252346017790544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928117584480172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351066469269794,0.3915366416009671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485264260912402,0.0,0.09807992295942253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791667016816326,0.06384821872911196,0.08041523951050257,0.09622139396403433,0.0,0.0870610993392424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795612009916753,0.09212156929791218,0.0,0.05899947010532253,0.0,0.1818686558643584,0.0,0.0,0.07865003302079672,0.26281500261606605,0.07323894989477428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384132819052709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180099603303326,0.0,0.0,0.1955594415263347,0.09816277146669984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679999953668968,0.0,0.06924521670221999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061184919755277116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370229527587125,0.0,0.08729685243399908,0.0,0.0,0.06252757768412515,0.0,0.08996504159857327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162312424525865,0.0,0.0,0.08537451410967344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409491123556422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Comfortfoodisacarb,2019/07/21,"DAE scroll past motivational memes? Not the posts from people sharing their success or advice, but just the ones that say “you matter” for instance. Your basic general population feel-good memes.

I know I’m extremely pessimistic about life a lot. Whenever I see a post that said something to the effect of “you matter,” my mind shuts it down and basically says “this won’t apply to me, next meme please.” But I think part of me is just scared of actually taking in those basic self-worth phrases because who the hell am I? Why do I matter when I don’t even know what kind of person I actually am? I don’t even know if I’m a good person, or just do good things to manipulate people into like me. I have so many personas for all possible social situations but I don’t think any of them are really mine. 

Now I feel like I’m a horrible person for feeling that way. Why should I matter if I’m that horrible of a person? Vicious circle. This turned into a rant, sorry",3.6689649122807,5.289922352631585,5.311052631578949,79.545701754386,72.84210526315789,8.014035087719298,24.771929824561404,8.648137234880735,1.7431824561403504,757,23,145,14,15,257,113,190,0.159,0.705,0.13699999999999998,-0.9091,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,2,3,9,10,2,1,10,0,12,1,0,3,1,33,27,10,0,3,11,0,2,2,0,2,1,3,0,4,11,3,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,6,22,7,18,24,3,12,1,0,1,0,15,5,1,5,6,94,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.23863461201022626,0.0,0.0,0.11948025177778213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314739119223033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453429710977358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615155835237234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546926153986615,0.08734929050964832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076613387286985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732477457185534,0.2015882093633684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636249979890523,0.11946931473789638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394907948083212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239619901942056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345724840865085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003490401862247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828529161701412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240585531885166,0.11671998634930313,0.1695324266543468,0.4270437285665409,0.0,0.13421509471235726,0.0,0.13784038778800034,0.2342005916473607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783289145521244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630620775735327,0.19446708378750555,0.12241300888552105,0.0,0.09743288902213293,0.0,0.12755365997695747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374359390588633,0.0,0.12463826513878225,0.0,0.09412896490298804,0.0,0.13687059348511926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193137925695062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123036262587276,0.15669060104895394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329940068880795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705176601328892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065824839623555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moteur_action,2019/07/21,"Does anyone feel like everyone is mean to each other? I think it's kind of constitutive of my condition that - especially when my mood is low - I tend to read bodily, verbal, etc. cues as negative, malevolent even if they don't directly regard me (e.g., a friend makes a joke and I read another friend's somehow ironical reply as a covert derision of the other one). I cannot help but think that all romantic couples I come through (even the ones I know by acquaintance such as my parents who've been married for 15+ years) are trying hard not to reveal their inherent conflicts and the reciprocal humiliations that go on between partners. *Sometimes* I literally can't reject the belief my parents hate each other even though most of the time I know that's just a misreading of the whole situation - in those moments I feel guilty towards them but mostly kind of lonely, it's like I can't see the relatedness of people w/o having them displaying an idealized conception of interpersonal relationship. This is obviously a vicious circle in the sense that being aware you can't bound to other people doesn't exactly predisposes you to novel social situations and things like that. Sorry in advance for broken English.",10.591221719457018,9.040375113122174,10.648909502262443,58.0777081447964,58.04977375565611,14.088868778280544,41.55701357466064,12.857556352371635,5.5893960180995474,984,43,155,29,10,330,142,221,0.162,0.732,0.107,-0.9183,3,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,4,2,8,15,2,0,14,0,13,0,0,1,3,30,26,11,0,2,5,2,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,15,6,0,2,9,4,0,3,8,5,0,2,1,4,21,9,26,24,7,13,1,3,1,0,14,6,0,4,7,114,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420176816723852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470081829703976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166671294815648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985865248869984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852198011440568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104824568840505,0.268364920232158,0.0,0.0,0.1294160199154612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369622051122811,0.09675634127078638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927684306713976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697206483090945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132510169999985,0.13371616567741232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078068012154268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28207394173029043,0.1488654532282614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850328011920265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904053626255703,0.0,0.0,0.1475307828376999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835514629933383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007738986323489,0.0,0.0,0.18779016102049131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709476423345772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540883457570158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792588933716457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044741072277294,0.0,0.13806113875458104,0.0,0.0,0.13395082419569934,0.15161082334971546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997843762578166,0.17356533957585615,0.13306633181951305,0.0,0.07897450295216794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195294806375924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121076350412055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721709696294573
bpd,Microwove,2019/07/21,"What types of medication should i look into? My entire life living with my mother was difficult, and she didnt have insurance or money to get me help, even if she wanted to. I have been scared to visit a psychiatrist or therapist for a very long time now, especially because i was minor and i hated having DCFS called every fucking time. so i told myself once i turned 18 i would get some actual therapy. Especially since now i live with my dad and he is willing to help me. however, i feel my BPD has gone so long without being diagnosed that i need more immediate care. i am very reckless and am always fucking up and am so confused with who tf i am that i just want to feel better. I really need some suggestions of medications that any of you guys take that works for you, or even just some names of medication that you think might work, so i can at least research them. ANYTHING is appreciated.",5.6606025974025975,6.228418748571433,6.932259740259743,73.69755844155846,67.22857142857143,10.24935064935065,29.623376623376625,10.230975488527342,2.9395714285714285,711,24,134,17,11,242,109,175,0.08800000000000001,0.82,0.092,-0.0531,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,1,3,10,8,3,2,2,0,20,7,0,0,0,31,38,13,0,7,7,2,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,6,0,0,6,3,28,2,18,27,5,11,0,0,1,2,18,3,2,9,6,99,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.12782940085599187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899592680681132,0.0,0.0,0.08907912485374173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779534303158356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985157276645646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585187391882674,0.0,0.0,0.16497997350932028,0.0,0.13375758731733545,0.0,0.13355518352714732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295423151593308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303810287049814,0.0,0.1103665000174711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246709061538467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422001847831616,0.13687593909650725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970278074616928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932758654849727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756024966147153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252359926100484,0.0,0.0,0.2313368612105307,0.23184778570384665,0.11000037890079667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958823010149474,0.0,0.13896192530144594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942579754901359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950231912168318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391689816118685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114595113423694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835802476807987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984897624974651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980089073755548,0.15209193275520252,0.0,0.0839344531085654,0.0,0.0,0.15276510231846047,0.0,0.0,0.12516857203905093,0.0,0.0,0.14248179737826405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161644142005329,0.1545250775115651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627171694315675,0.0,0.190727628400735,0.0,0.0,0.09305303465680018,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anothergenericthrwy,2019/07/21,"My country won’t let me use the medication I so desperately need My BPD has been pretty bad lately. I thought I was doing well but I get suicidal almost daily now. Antidepressants are horrible, every medication I’ve ever been on has been horrible, and I want to try CBD because of the success stories.

However, my country has deemed CBD illegal if there is ANY, and I mean any, trace of THC in it. Getting 100% thc free oil is almost impossible where I’m from. I am very ambitious, hoping to work in pretty high up positions (don’t exactly want to name the field of work since it could identify me) and I can not test positive on a drug test. 

This feels so so unfair. My country is supposed to protect me and give me the health care I need, but now I feel like I have to choose between having a future and my own health.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like my entire world is crumbling.",4.37683520599251,5.162393106741575,5.972528089887643,78.6623127340824,70.17977528089888,9.304119850187266,30.00187265917603,9.516144504307137,2.6679423220973786,695,27,138,15,12,238,107,178,0.163,0.637,0.201,0.6462,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,9,8,0,0,6,0,23,5,0,1,2,28,40,11,1,7,4,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,7,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,5,4,23,8,16,32,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,4,7,91,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834494975450349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924944423291506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817405450339195,0.08627713840937548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825572516735766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430221791826295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300249907564787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413322310660508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802460536761476,0.11924756730359205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468985110294156,0.2022222552434444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789019092812866,0.13577124836528018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30088569549972444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953727301163527,0.0,0.140574098530605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778277703630414,0.0,0.15965526896331902,0.0,0.0,0.14472697307374127,0.0,0.13829164563172788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417081315515954,0.0,0.28515900100790104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988969481547853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879796700092344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707747232512065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481401411643014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236130831221001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609154443787897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222389778690164,0.0,0.11677945992189236,0.16695953552695947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272550689577691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607526469327905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rosehipreiyn,2019/07/21,"Posting to comfort myself 
The worst day in a good long time. Thankfully my sweet 7 month old boy went to sleep no problem. 

I don't feel like I deserve him today, like i should just run out the door and off the cliffs. I feel so angry, so worthless, so lonely. I'm tired of hurting from the slightest look, or tone, or misconstrued conversation. Carrying this much pain and anxiety is so exhausting. My partner tries tough love to get me to 'snap out of it' but it just drives everything deeper.
I'm trying to remember a time when I didn't have to deal with this.

I'm scared of damaging my little boy. I love him with every inch of my being and i show him that everyday. But he's seen me cry, seen me start to crack.

I'm trying to launch an online witchy shop for August 10th, but as much as i search for the motivation i can't find any and the feelings of failure and annoyance are overwhelming. 

Argued with my partner, leaves me feeling worthless, and in unbearable pain. 

Also. I burned the pizza and undercooked the lasagne so the pasta waa chewy. I then completely broke. 

I will get up for my son tomorrow and i will carry on. 

I am thankful for this space to vent. I wish i could just heal and be normal, know where my pain came from so I can understand. All I've been told is that someone was inappropriate with me as a child, but when it was discovered i am told i said i couldn't remember. I still can't, but I think its there somewhere rotting away, but I've blocked it out somehow. 

I didn't expect half of this to come out. Thanks for making it this far. This sub reddit has been so valuable in giving me little bits of inner peace.",2.6529305104286784,4.574446048632222,3.826580023058384,87.83428571428577,76.35562310030393,7.0911225238444615,24.110785033015407,7.990435384864732,1.2788156587359811,1286,42,265,21,29,418,182,329,0.19399999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.128,-0.9612,0,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,1,17,28,2,2,13,0,24,11,1,3,1,53,55,31,0,7,11,1,4,2,2,3,6,1,1,5,14,19,2,1,11,2,1,5,7,17,0,1,13,9,40,11,42,35,5,39,0,7,3,2,19,18,0,3,17,174,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825605329518528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504960583271901,0.0,0.08442624697478912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368826402898987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048617683056215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622415767457135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095066661917492,0.1157119351555472,0.0,0.0,0.08811467916811923,0.0,0.12122692779523317,0.07117403882549157,0.11377786262829805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298432530682928,0.0,0.09918580186743503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320836565951285,0.07884227909641679,0.0,0.0,0.10086841348172686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531865960787592,0.10586880898937416,0.0,0.092565991830794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814427046637008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065179530915605,0.0,0.0,0.1168568956993031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783411062717753,0.2212224360675933,0.0,0.0976664564163122,0.09267586644468212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992111287527337,0.0,0.07366715957138065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808949800451778,0.0,0.16225680468798112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813084001685833,0.0,0.0,0.11580583157014313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522972576503593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569581220105946,0.0,0.0,0.10560105278948773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500361362057077,0.0,0.10497906095342824,0.0,0.11049111624459436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044120377978196,0.0,0.0935089425273763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811443915932857,0.0,0.08813483807523641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048181305817581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707151942941217,0.0,0.0,0.12870535866646274,0.12684431174251082,0.10460979968596734,0.21091028924226085,0.0,0.2247846466628482,0.0,0.0,0.11489021571322955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230621803978597,0.0,0.0,0.12691028082010758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdsecond,2019/07/21,"I’ve been broken up with please please help .... Obviously because we had too many circular arguments and too much crazy behaviour from me. 

We didn’t spend lots of time together and doesn’t live near me, so my life won’t change much which is a plus.

How do I cope with the pain? So far I’ve just gotten drunk/high/taken loads of Valium, hurt myself and did something disgusting sexually. I need help, please. How do I forget and block it out? I don’t want to think about it and I just don’t want to be sad. Please help",0.9824213836478002,3.3151610471698163,2.43801886792453,93.31633647798745,84.75471698113208,6.552201257861638,17.323899371069178,7.793537801064563,0.356272955974843,405,9,91,8,12,131,70,106,0.22,0.614,0.165,-0.8645,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,2,0,0,0,9,4,1,0,2,0,12,2,0,2,1,23,17,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,11,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,11,0,12,10,3,5,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064773298525023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466137997633194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33200335156539745,0.17444467680423242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675052550147988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662000121765614,0.0,0.0,0.145792561311605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036812046728814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739264705228685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24274537716964575,0.12242479496659085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568555568156294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7249518967250347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710748330772995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579393908046604,0.0,0.0,0.09627525604650122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476884677520512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittendo64,2019/07/21,"Infatuation with an ex Awhile ago i dated this guy for a short amount of time and we broke up because we didn’t get along. We check on each other occasionally but about a month ago i started fantasizing about him falling for me again and me getting the “falling in love” feeling again. Yesterday i told my boyfriend this and we agreed on giving me space to figure my feelings out. 

I don’t want to feel this way towards my ex. I don’t want to fantasize about what our relationship would be like. I want to get over this so i can be with my boyfriend and i want to feel this way ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND. I only started feeling this way towards my ex because of my daydreaming. He didn’t say or do anything that caused me to feel this way towards him.

I’m posting this here because i think it’s due to my bpd. I’ve read other stories about people with bpd becoming infatuated with someone else while in a relationship and i think that’s what’s happening to me. Has anyone else experienced this? If i stop fantasizing and cut off contact with him, will my feelings go away?
I just want to be with my boyfriend.",2.3872727272727268,4.746361826484018,3.5945558322955584,87.0215473225405,79.13698630136986,6.356247405562475,26.849522623495226,7.520522993642371,1.4715004566210048,876,37,178,13,22,284,108,219,0.052000000000000005,0.816,0.132,0.924,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,5,0,0,0,10,4,1,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,0,41,37,11,0,7,4,3,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,16,19,0,1,10,1,1,3,4,2,0,0,3,9,36,2,37,29,2,35,0,1,0,1,20,14,0,2,14,122,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054050698587478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101171837888482,0.1187118404081172,0.0953425697295543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108853897569328,0.0,0.0,0.2118807899410776,0.12795781323607872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291842192545993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901971271999545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935716393778812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410074625121682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815955597049774,0.11114307484494157,0.06584567431681652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147192083593583,0.10245425176935323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056603142807987075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456780237856747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247801843838736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811643813751058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032245081135178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096145954979336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589094207920747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487796783233669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213619530024253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816745363627012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401202659845304,0.0,0.0,0.09686380411004812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847629263298873,0.0,0.0,0.0675586579643465,0.0,0.0,0.1107088021797507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416849365490336,0.3678557951701375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230332773015221,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ermahgerd77,2019/07/21,"A realisation This doesnt require a response. Its more an angry vent directed at myself

All my life ive yearned for people to understand why i am the way i am. Why i manipulate. Why i scream and shout. Why i rage. Why im a victim. That they should research why i am this way. They HAVE TO accept me. Im entitled to be loved to.

Well, actually, they dont have to accept my behaviour, its not justified. BPD isnt an excuse. It might be a ""reason"", but people dont have to accept abuse because of that reason!! They dont have to accept anything if they dont want to.

I am the one who needs to change. People say ""oh but you cant help it""... i can though!! ""Its not your fault"" yes it is!! I am the one who is doing these things. Theres no one with a gun to my head telling me to be a dick. Im in control of my actions!! 

Its 100% possible for me to recover yet im sat here all entitled expecting everyone to bend around me because im a ""poor victim of childhood abuse."" 

Jesus christ i am a cunt. I literally am everything the stigma is about",-0.8287424242424208,1.3053039136363649,2.341818181818184,91.33439393939396,93.95454545454544,5.660606060606061,19.151515151515152,7.1686216300943375,0.542678787878788,791,26,179,15,30,281,112,220,0.201,0.705,0.094,-0.9771,0,0,0,1,2,0,41.0,0,2,5,2,7,13,4,0,14,1,29,4,2,4,2,26,34,5,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,15,3,0,2,7,0,1,1,10,7,1,3,1,3,28,6,23,28,3,9,2,1,0,2,14,4,2,2,2,126,43,2,0.0,0.21482344538853446,0.08846650900669772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460159886008458,0.08070244925543704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052527562576887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417719409347367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095901301452514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016776429172956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42498941006773533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662503720973316,0.08147515048518718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303850593767314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076434585602665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4896164767498598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403252907816552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181996005409073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961709617188758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721976643574101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842911602684744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854693989949853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220024501065487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864175222553098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209274410979563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923673998794648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022736221140581,0.0,0.08906838544994469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437537871621857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053470852831572026,0.14391593675040926,0.0,0.0,0.08151001430180295,0.0,0.4908139206137756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,decadence101,2019/07/21,"I feel I've finally broken I think I'm losing it. I don't know what's wrong with me. My feelings are all over the place. I don't know why I'm feeling what I am. Up until last week, I was waiting to come here. I've finally come back to college and I miss home so much. I feel so scared and unsafe here. My thoughts and feelings have been changing so much and I can't understand what I'm feeling or what I want anymore. Everything's blurry and this feels like a bad dream. I had it under control till recently, but I feel I can't control it anymore. I feel like I'm imploding. Please, I need help. Please, someone tell me what to do. I just want to talk to someone.",-0.13831814415907218,2.0232759718309867,2.0437033968517007,95.28775062137535,88.57746478873241,5.031317315658658,22.437448218724107,6.522977012572876,0.4716821872410941,516,20,117,6,17,173,76,142,0.085,0.74,0.17600000000000002,0.8707,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,0,1,2,0,11,0,0,2,1,32,36,12,0,3,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,8,0,3,14,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,9,20,2,11,32,3,14,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,10,70,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382899236263351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237897603436036,0.10031050469989178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709044532415278,0.20697710280129686,0.0,0.0,0.2694907518907406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797260309488073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467100390668886,0.1716537235712599,0.0,0.2632113818763609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052620410471836,0.0,0.12050856129172245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204979137356865,0.09792879051909052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173870595148196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440408429717407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663102220450924,0.08908106481885407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551900639662775,0.2637516645232588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862212777398105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202794474125718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358566946556686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656265557868987,0.10500621387383932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697980419114223,0.0,0.09537643091711318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250682600446124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172142390771655,0.0,0.0963677383437168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840617523316363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313524269185997,0.0,0.0
bpd,RoseByAnotherName613,2019/07/21,"Resolving Guilt from Parenting with BPD I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in '91 at 18 and again in my mid thirties. I took all kinds of medications for years and some of them helped, but none of them really made me stable. Then I read the book I Hate You Don't Leave Me and I feel like I could have written it myself. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I was misdiagnosed. That was a few years ago.

Right now I'm very stable. I'm 46 and I've had years of therapy. But when my daughter was growing up, I was a horrible person. I screamed, threw things, and was emotionally abusive. I was also an alcoholic and in an extremely chaotic relationship, so she witnessed a lot of verbal and physical aggression that was not directly related to her. She's 19 now, and has a diagnosis of PTSD.

We have a positive relationship now because, as she says, I ""own my shit."" But I cannot resolve my guilt. My daughter was a beautiful child inside and out, and thinking about how I treated her, and failed to protect her, destroys me.

Parents, please help. How can I resolve this guilt? It is killing me.",2.525653923541249,4.856754093896715,4.2652448021462135,82.54845070422539,78.48356807511738,8.000804828973843,28.45271629778672,8.841846274778883,2.5549702213279666,854,39,166,21,21,287,129,213,0.215,0.628,0.157,-0.9609,2,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,2,4,11,17,5,4,11,0,18,5,1,3,1,33,28,21,1,1,4,4,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,6,15,1,1,6,2,0,3,4,11,0,0,14,3,35,6,22,13,6,22,0,1,0,0,21,9,1,3,11,123,41,3,0.0,0.17696646980549338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323980994381556,0.15961977932611307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944266107654472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910481061152154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881129402284233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925133026904007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515966506374772,0.0,0.0,0.1711788163883795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800922579530927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552060219526352,0.10670238775711717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746148905709044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002249197099046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524405061861694,0.15553483477868651,0.08208402211874914,0.0,0.0,0.15815004259011484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296946015166561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698002377631212,0.0,0.14132747902158668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046388569521013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33169188435175645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041487014058514,0.0,0.1639517733378074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459315002492046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939982235040225,0.0,0.09568345849599877,0.0,0.0,0.3207122064854596,0.0,0.1275521145667957,0.0,0.11877659257002332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331528141702858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080549478865314,0.0,0.09922775102105416,0.09570347494221762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659437930165549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323715013119385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885476768849309
bpd,spnelson,2019/07/21,"Anyone undiagnosed but too scared to go to the Doctor? I’m fairly certain I have BPM, my mum has mild BPD and I show a LOT of signs of it. Splitting on my partner, fear of abandonment, general confusion about my life, who I am and constantly changing who I am depending on the people I surround myself with, feeling as if I’m a fake ect ect. Alongside that I also have severe OCD (also undiagnosed).
I also have a fear of doctors (not hospitals but GPs weirdly). Is it worth getting officially diagnosed? I don’t want to take any medication, therapy is something I would be interested in but where I live there is a 6 month waiting period and then you only get 10 sessions and that’s it. Wondering if there are any other ways to cope with this? Anyone who is undiagnosed with no treatment but still manages to be ok?",4.351054852320671,5.9180357721519,6.199430379746836,74.0670358649789,71.0253164556962,9.317299578059073,32.154008438818565,9.725611199111238,3.3685552742616043,644,30,115,16,12,223,102,158,0.183,0.732,0.085,-0.9666,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,4,6,1,15,5,0,1,1,26,25,15,0,4,7,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,10,7,0,2,2,1,1,1,3,7,0,0,0,1,15,3,17,22,1,12,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,6,5,85,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884516397292847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021637691901794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264303623523543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039270821871573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128527932777454,0.0,0.0,0.17497328674188328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434096769901785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314550398027395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644002235513496,0.08186941330030906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918847959446962,0.0,0.09202039034131836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436580591816264,0.0,0.0,0.14297447776694475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765488813962298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631129742967568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923952018088272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314414146457453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225191864948746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210580342924824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291858729973284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465057121365468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293060403577186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174041166444675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516464700135898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550204037309283,0.12852109957140725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559060621327705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150202260467066,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yellowsmiley_face,2019/07/21,"Feeling unstable. Really need some support. I'm struggling today.

I don't know why. Nothing bad has happened. But my thoughts are so disorganised. I can't stay focused. I feel like I have so many thoughts keep popping into my head, and each thought branches off onto other thoughts and those thoughts branch off onto other thoughts and so on and so on. And I keep trying to follow them and then backtrack and explore the other branches but I keep getting lost and I'm so stuck on trying to make sense of everything.

I know I should try to distract myself, and I do try. But I keep getting stuck in my head, stuck exploring the branches and I need to get out of my head but I'm all tangled in.

And now I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I'm just sitting here crying and shaking. And I don't know what to do because I don't even know what the problem is. I'm just scared because I feel like my lucidity is slipping.",2.01702529805176,4.417840740331492,3.184931666182031,89.19562372782784,80.82320441988949,5.1364931666182025,28.86333236405932,6.339386263674448,1.3560320441988956,718,35,139,6,19,231,85,181,0.187,0.7390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,11,11,0,5,3,0,12,3,3,1,1,49,49,24,0,4,6,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,16,0,4,16,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,10,4,21,3,18,38,3,20,0,2,0,0,1,11,0,1,5,92,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039419950233564,0.13199095003791814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892065974608973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150599167731836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729885273875692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896196321919376,0.15468470605587514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968718911322522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573567780888706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33332395832430306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849127536976057,0.0,0.0,0.23799172821183195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578263272148206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818069856161365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226568698207604,0.10976061684882236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054971648696487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388025323186778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359205744139408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935537227879829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838909043445813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539282550907833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317888801203448,0.0,0.0,0.12285436886938705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5156873340395962,0.0,0.0,0.1026196623210202,0.0,0.0,0.2940110085892286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976895636267527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Comtemptress,2019/07/21,"Giving up I’m gonna start this off by saying you don’t need to read this, I’ll be okay, I just want to write something out and post it somewhere. But I’ll be okay.

I broke up with my boyfriend a while back, he and his friends were all the friends I’ve had since I moved back in with my parents to try and go to community college instead of a university. Since then I’ve lost any close friends I’ve had. Even my best friend whose been my best friend for almost 6 years now... My only close friend right now is my mom and other than her I have a few friends I talk to sometimes about memes and stuff but they don’t know about any of my mental health issues... I’m getting sick of nights I spend alone crying myself to sleep, I know I’m not doing super bad, everything’s manageable for the first time in my life. So I feel like if I try to talk about my issues that it’s attention seeking because I can handle it on my own for once, I’m just worried about the day that it gets to be too much, what do I do then? I’m sorry I feel awful about posting this... idk I’m just in a really rough vulnerable state... I feel like I talk about my problems with my mom too much... I feel like I’m just being selfish.... But I’m worried I’m shutting the world out.... I don’t know I’m trying to just wait it out and find a balance.",0.9383500951345488,2.610995247349827,2.5398056537102462,96.2401189181843,80.62544169611306,5.3432454471323725,20.42525142701821,6.093298490706669,-0.14685909214460444,1017,27,243,7,26,333,143,283,0.131,0.7290000000000001,0.14,-0.3836,1,1,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,1,5,20,20,0,0,9,3,17,4,1,0,1,40,44,14,0,4,10,3,5,3,7,1,3,1,0,0,14,14,0,1,9,1,1,2,4,5,0,1,5,6,33,15,36,34,7,33,0,2,0,0,22,15,0,2,16,145,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395343433394247,0.09717569655216232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761013234216284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429318653461853,0.07834099806789135,0.057195609999469675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969297175967933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306372783532487,0.06051016799536307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197135199688018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432498187251547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976548088191575,0.2010884712454787,0.0,0.0,0.08575549098977077,0.07980855873264225,0.0,0.0,0.5074294859423008,0.0,0.0980406842301248,0.09000668675165338,0.05332361904197242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973291425455608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586045245718706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546933566202069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627225382970364,0.13751629647601382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242243339339713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455478995120596,0.0,0.0,0.21977633565632976,0.0,0.09972245307019867,0.13794617633170042,0.06957097412417945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804957791052845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992189210651446,0.0,0.07135908967948912,0.0,0.0,0.10418294496628684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797192194860183,0.0,0.0,0.08977904795379542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385163885046116,0.0,0.06010749711380355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012710324955298,0.0,0.07461439842696163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522808406226962,0.0,0.0938940083294982,0.0,0.0,0.07223202975022229,0.09279655853666802,0.10503080311928384,0.06641070135114527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740860638161412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262419525278921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054710839818336895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911055907013625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534115210440774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057021883153027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060421027584689486
bpd,ragcity123,2019/07/21,"Is this normal for people with BPD Hi guys I am pretty new to this sub but had some questions about my diagnosis. I am 20 M and was recently diagnosed with BPD traits cause I met 5 out the 9 for the criteria. From the time I spent on this sub a lot of the things sound pretty familiar to myself except that I haven’t ever been in a relationship.(Also have pretty bad social anxiety)This makes me question if I even do have BPD. But I do see other people such as friends/ family as either all good or all bad and the smallest thing can get me to snap at them. I currently have like two friends and even that is hard for me to maintain cause I somehow seem to find a way to be over sensitive and take everything personally. I even get pretty jealous of them if they go out with other friends and have a good time . Other things that I have are: impulsive behavior , extreme sudden rage, paranoia, spacing out a lot, and a weak sense of identity. I apologize if this was hard to follow. Just trying to figure out what’s wrong with me lol",5.225688555347091,5.756286863414638,6.101463414634146,79.40484052532834,68.17073170731706,9.429643527204504,28.93996247654784,9.466822959209583,2.4279080675422136,817,27,160,16,13,270,120,205,0.13699999999999998,0.693,0.16899999999999998,0.8151,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,0,8,12,2,0,11,1,19,2,0,3,3,39,29,14,0,4,9,0,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,2,14,14,0,0,5,0,1,2,1,6,0,1,6,4,21,6,31,22,6,19,0,0,1,0,14,9,0,11,8,122,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547920104338211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849592258849942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038693635519998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960916711881795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849021999802834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179779275636004,0.0966873403182804,0.0,0.0,0.0960650604907354,0.0,0.10076556170466423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976947311035253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477468370211823,0.0,0.11169032061410718,0.0,0.06074755754583362,0.17930706688231576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583704675711376,0.0,0.0,0.1915033360080845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222063120591452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174663697274712,0.0,0.0,0.07134932628627394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323419072127096,0.0,0.0,0.10472865562973296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482069324526249,0.09333146803092084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349787023982872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394805833780953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554012363797054,0.11475892670236515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517680001955605,0.09730785220955708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896001022918306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036732550045278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303717119570187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465582606571594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257070492110723,0.0,0.10441515134405684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484361849704385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116866487200015,0.0,0.0
bpd,sasberrie,2019/07/21,"Something positive: let's complement each other I'm having a terrible month. I'm in need of positive vibes. Post selfies, get good comments. I'll comment on them all. Go!",0.8732142857142833,2.7163452500000043,3.155357142857145,80.58250000000002,112.125,6.828571428571428,29.57142857142857,7.447530270364453,3.302467857142858,136,8,22,4,7,46,28,32,0.085,0.63,0.285,0.807,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326773435668733,0.0,0.2531030485045461,0.3735390119354293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554012328463038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554746553857921,0.0,0.0,0.33022187830875666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265228349464096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428527031344585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bowiefanatic5639,2019/07/21,I am really struggling tonight I am having a hard week. Emotionally straining. I feel like I've been over stretched and I can't take anymore. I really just need someone to talk to who understands. I feel like no one understands anymore.,2.051493506493508,4.882394409090914,3.220519480519481,83.16863636363641,93.54545454545456,7.059740259740257,29.01298701298701,7.957251820313856,2.8700623376623366,190,10,33,5,7,61,31,44,0.209,0.675,0.11599999999999999,-0.4576,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,3,6,2,3,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362479463721221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474058377841939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241918879918632,0.3142540954124262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702538141066372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149057033746204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308466172831548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903880770762154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818017415321325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635666347859733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229931775279443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536947386664014,0.17678154221283424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579360366605682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642469857389426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Todeskuss,2019/07/21,"A godawful weekend, feeling lonely and unwanted This weekend has been what I can only describe as hell for anyone with BPD. Lengthy warning.

​

**The first and the worst**: my FP is being forcefully removed from my life completely.  It was a romantic relationship that's ending suddenly, solely because her father doesn't like me. Apparently it's because of our age gap (she's 15, I'm 18) and my prior use of illegal substances (LSD), but I tend to think it has to deal with BPD as well since I've been open about it and it's so stigmatized. My problem is, I've never met or talked to him apart from when he called me to tell me to never contact her again. He's judging me so harshly without even knowing me. If he took the time to, or at least listen to his daughter, maybe he'd understand my true feelings and intentions? Instead he wants to assume, I guess because of my age, my only goal is to take sexual advantage of her.  The fact is though, in all the time we've been together (3+ months), sex was only discussed once, over text, and it wasn't even explicit. She asked, since I'm a virgin, if things ever went there would I be okay with it? To which I replied ""only if you'd be okay with it too,"" and that was the end of that. It's been a loving and healthy relationship in any regard, especially since I've gotten better at dealing with BPD. I've only split once or twice and each time she's been so understanding, comforting, and forgiving, quickly extinguishing whatever problem it was. I love her for that.

As for LSD, the first time she brought it up that he wasn't okay with it and she was somewhat worried too, I quit using. It provided some great introspection and helped me focus on self-betterment, as I used it as a meditation tool and not a reliance drug to suppress my symptoms. I stopped because I felt I learned all that I could from it, at least for now, and wanted to be on good terms with her and her parents. It seems it was all for naught.

He's threatened to inform my employer *\[as of writing this, I discovered he apparently did call my employer to say I'm trying to start a relationship with a 15 year old, and FP called my employer to say there's nothing to worry about. I have no other details\]* and pursue legal action which seems way over the line.  Even if he wanted to, nothing illegal has happened. I can't face drug charges as I no longer possess them; I can't face statutory rape charges because nothing has happened, and even if it were to, our state has a Romeo and Juliet law; a restraining order is unjustified because the relationship is consensual and I haven't abused nor stalked her. Nonetheless, she's scared by this, and has started distancing herself on her own terms, which obviously hurts worse. She's convinced herself that she's ""not good enough"", that I need to ""find someone better"", and that no matter what happens we can never work out because of her parents' stance. And the fact that it's an LDR isn't helping either (she used to live here but moved). 

​

**The second:** My friends meet at my house every Friday or Saturday to play D&D. I love hosting and tend to go big, getting pizzas, chips, and cases of soda. Yesterday (the day we planned to meet), one of our party members spontaneously said that he couldn't make it that night because he's going to play D&D with a different group. That hurt, but I had already prepared foodstuffs and still planned for a night of fun. So I asked the rest if they still wanted to come over and just play some other tabletop games. They didn't. That hurt too. 

​

**The third:** Today an old friend of mine spontaneously asked me if I was busy tonight (surprise, I'm not, because I don't really have friends, or at least that's what it feels like). Before texting me, she posted earlier on her story something like ""all of y'all are busy!!"" which stung because it made me feel like some last resort. Anyway, I said no, and she promptly asked if I wanted to go get dinner. I said yes of course, as this weekend was already rough enough and I was so eager to finally get out of the house and do stuff. Plus, it felt nice to have someone want to spend time with you. We tried to figure out where we wanted to eat, her saying ""I don't care where we eat, I just haven't seen you in a while"". Then she texts me ""I am now getting bojangles"". That really hurt. Why attempt to make plans with someone and string them on if you're just going to break it off after finding someone else you'd rather go out with? 

​

**The icing on the cake:** To top it all off, I asked my little brother if he wanted to go see the new Lion King with me. Like I've said, I've been eager to get out and do stuff to take my mind off this already rough weekend, and I haven't really spent much time with him in a while. He said ""no, not really."" That hurt, too.

​

Sorry for the absurdly long post, but if you took the time to read all of this, thank you. Any support isn't expected, but appreciated. I just don't know what to do, especially with my FP, but also with how I'm feeling in general: empty, lonely, and abandoned.",3.400264181369764,5.2607394750996015,4.338560045532159,85.24576361221781,74.06972111553785,7.171390627964335,27.191424777082148,7.957251820313856,1.68982255738949,4019,153,788,60,84,1299,402,1004,0.092,0.767,0.141,0.9952,8,4,3,0,1,0,194.0,8,7,4,14,39,50,2,1,36,4,64,17,2,9,15,172,147,78,0,28,33,5,9,5,3,1,4,9,0,0,61,64,5,4,21,9,2,14,29,14,1,6,37,20,110,36,123,100,23,109,1,8,2,6,108,35,1,24,59,527,171,8,0.0,0.0476706277712558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331974262082847,0.03217505916486038,0.0,0.3051541232797894,0.2444431429536237,0.054720903956373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02813249923652674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806646614187314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24526230198674054,0.0,0.034236110933323065,0.0,0.0,0.1067509241298692,0.0,0.0,0.15201967857145934,0.0,0.12325002239939455,0.0,0.041021172932851374,0.0,0.0,0.034657968010087234,0.042184509965089566,0.0,0.0,0.03212351912049066,0.0,0.0,0.025947556283226543,0.08295883001866704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203589333771466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331717039714607,0.08233870929612765,0.033610285684489614,0.0,0.07127063956792222,0.08314480948469438,0.0,0.10629652484256293,0.03639389298520489,0.03389882117372078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171741913223543,0.05748625504780045,0.07726176435734468,0.04407430353163013,0.07354616596745585,0.06844592035365413,0.0,0.0,0.09325390319240363,0.0,0.10510283876183198,0.0,0.13719521714991148,0.06749262294447646,0.0,0.044358049697783716,0.04432220974304328,0.0,0.1067361938750641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393591016711433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092849106271959,0.2153562702113318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04422303127469576,0.032796022778766115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028418414511661664,0.09828132915186724,0.040324967542241456,0.03552729717724238,0.03560576182924026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108938077581147,0.0380703172397175,0.05371292119281045,0.0,0.040420390341969786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04062479974428318,0.0,0.032114338952122984,0.042762300113572384,0.02957656781499085,0.029832949181439673,0.09309266113006384,0.03885818016253596,0.0,0.07551363528598543,0.0,0.11581662241825298,0.0,0.08443748260400588,0.08569564439348297,0.027263552128592685,0.15299858330588692,0.0,0.0,0.08935003546749948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706596622155062,0.0,0.0,0.07699687431091304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042793736887703784,0.04024481772273387,0.0,0.1030995428420434,0.0,0.0,0.1727847341235926,0.0,0.0,0.1913584038225005,0.09598690766505744,0.040281182645578735,0.0,0.03206123298592617,0.07325491730927651,0.041972763527517484,0.0,0.0,0.09984576761343186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363603127911905,0.030974044850432595,0.0,0.04503859046662941,0.05695556526134385,0.0,0.06426173670085975,0.03363736691065256,0.0,0.0,0.0921164475895498,0.0,0.04565698680004634,0.0,0.041818458410661084,0.060501816145574684,0.03233850877918788,0.03516622807107046,0.037041997006850985,0.0,0.0,0.026729635216787742,0.02578027767294334,0.03952963179872419,0.0,0.16422509633725887,0.0,0.03813706106778527,0.0,0.08940275292305057,0.054632394687152384,0.0,0.0,0.08376987979901879,0.0,0.1389967894503246,0.0,0.0,0.1898481140052706,0.03193582077958105,0.0,0.0,0.03617513483580288,0.037297256057367764,0.036304863702086326,0.0,0.0,0.03878407262418541,0.0,0.029290780114531588,0.08171901752804347,0.041001811797855316,0.028581029397539738,0.0,0.2444431429536237,0.0259093317021406
bpd,braidout,2019/07/21,"I think I've been misdiagnosed as bipolar I don't have moods swings or paranoia. What i do have, however,is splitting issues,intense fear of abandonment,i spend recklessly, reckless driving leading to multiple accidents including totaling my last car, a need for attention, unstable job/education/relationship history, and intense feelings of love that turn to hate over certain people. I feel like I'm textbook borderline. Why would i be diagnosed bipolar and what can i do? No insurance and go to a public clinic",8.213632958801501,9.952159370786518,8.756797752808987,58.70051498127342,62.033707865168545,13.124344569288391,46.2940074906367,12.45797560212912,7.0699647940074914,420,28,57,16,6,140,69,89,0.205,0.684,0.111,-0.8176,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,2,0,9,5,0,1,2,13,18,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,1,2,7,3,8,15,1,6,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,35,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28231695498026244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129967011498824,0.2812825528847361,0.1987108097312107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807936852869955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27461608414428396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760215032552949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267298239174895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589030964698004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510417326566302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624510967307336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928345701472027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986295976172198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782276423199369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025479273378804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25098760938329184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759017141799232,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fazydaisy,2019/07/21,"Coping with an ex-dependency I was with my ex for 6 years- we have just broken up for good, although it was a long time coming (I love him as a friend but am totally dependent on him relationship-wise - very unfair on him which is why I’m trying to leave it alone). Looking for coping mechanisms (which aren’t terribly unhealthy) for dealing with him now being with other people (which is essentially ripping me apart). Any help appreciated x",6.78819277108434,7.282223722891568,7.659903614457833,69.71130120481929,64.78313253012048,10.495421686746988,32.26265060240964,10.355215969177356,3.393773012048193,351,13,61,8,5,118,63,83,0.139,0.703,0.158,0.2048,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,10,12,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,9,3,13,9,1,9,0,0,1,1,10,4,0,1,4,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28883524178387643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964774494482856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402301498061257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28751270353364183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154617482421054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339110434293336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869271703350361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952933130657985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679974012642916,0.23418869275899185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516997985311144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334005522608505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994124074919892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261698354429385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934099593118314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23010494185792946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516455333822447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795893698779536
bpd,khaltoto,2019/07/21,"I think my gf split on me? My partner has BPD. I’ve been aware since they were diagnosed and it hasn’t really been an issue. They love me a lot and we’ve been amazing for each other. We’ve been together just under a year.

We just spent an entire week together with their family and came back home on Thursday evening. That’s a long time to spend together tbh and even I wanted a bit of alone time after it, but life happened, so we weren’t really able to get that alone time. 

Hit up my post history if you want ALL of the details, but long story short, she started being really distant while we were out and when I wanted to talk about it, told me she didn’t care. She slept in a different room than me and didn’t seem to care that I was going to leave. She actually specifically told me to leave. 

She’s never acted like this before, so it threw me for a loop and I overreacted and gave her back her house key before leaving with some of my stuff. We haven’t talked again today, but had plans for tomorrow and I don’t really know what to do. 

Like I said, she’s normally amazing, loving, great at communication, and we always work through our issues. I’ve been trying to educate myself on BPD since she told me, but I don’t really know what to do if this is her splitting on me. I planned to give her some time and space, but is that really all I can do?",4.178492063492065,4.556592500000002,5.437380952380952,83.78539682539684,70.42857142857143,9.07936507936508,24.841269841269842,9.150863307647796,1.6263174603174608,1060,26,230,20,18,355,145,280,0.045,0.831,0.12300000000000001,0.9799,2,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,6,1,3,3,11,9,0,0,9,0,24,5,1,0,3,44,50,22,0,6,9,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,2,1,14,21,0,0,4,0,2,4,8,0,0,0,21,1,44,9,31,27,7,36,0,0,0,2,33,12,0,6,21,158,58,1,0.0969960030579395,0.0,0.0946541071428954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009172134081003,0.0,0.0,0.08070844473200478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491678782911985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507290901822685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589451359472887,0.0,0.2443261406908372,0.0,0.0,0.11093758746822986,0.1977877791246035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844890135398422,0.0,0.10134017864865794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812989045735446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143919925981887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050676408235382615,0.09304740450474074,0.055125063811594655,0.0,0.0,0.10693843579734992,0.0,0.0,0.08577324516991655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729489963779699,0.0,0.0,0.11192036459620656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247725367949573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661293323203826,0.0,0.0,0.3081142863633994,0.0,0.0,0.06851114547242251,0.09477469527349656,0.0,0.0,0.17167682084012745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246253318996652,0.17508535947317616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480929717219721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503548879534343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289535875780168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37282873970113417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226541076930286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830151826884361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604721921171327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865427020009751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103721741092687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592342622935496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215112223258205,0.0,0.0,0.2262365976171145,0.0,0.09194086945397728,0.2780515127827621,0.0,0.06585391909148146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163226705006848,0.0,0.0778043429443667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061424544300088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062462245830434686
bpd,confusedsillykitty,2019/07/21,"I'm in love with someone who doesn't know i exist I havent seen my love at work in a week, would it be too weird to ask my boss/coworkers about her and get info? How do u stop being obsessed with someone?",2.516884057971016,2.593423586956522,4.24217391304348,91.9586231884058,74.0,7.0028985507246375,24.02898550724637,6.42735559955562,0.4648202898550728,159,4,39,1,3,54,39,46,0.11800000000000001,0.6970000000000001,0.185,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,0,8,13,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,2,7,9,0,5,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,2,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962835754453973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558106023178618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741745630134855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5720772340055137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370617347612202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26496481646383896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542193901258137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307263287802619,0.0,0.0,0.22513555323108336,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ProfessionalSpider,2019/07/21,"Doubting my diagnosis when people jerk me around and abandon me Long story short, there’s a girl I was close with for a number of years in college who is a sociopath. She has a following of people and I was REALLY lucky to get away from her earlier than most. She came into town last night and asked to hang out, and I said yes against my better judgment just to be polite. She started ignoring my texts around the time we were supposed to go out and 24 hours later, I haven’t heard anything but she’s still posting on social media. It’s this kind of consistent abandonment and jerking around that make me feel so insecure in my diagnosis. How can I be fucked up if people treat me like I’m disposable?? How can this possibly be my problem?? What could I possibly have done so wrong to make people treat me like this- am I not a person???? Feelings of abandonment are running strong, but I’ll be okay. Glad I have you all 💗",3.432786885245904,5.1970221147540965,4.449967213114757,84.8880655737705,73.75409836065575,7.721530054644807,26.40765027322405,8.447377352677275,1.809047650273225,729,26,144,13,15,237,121,183,0.177,0.672,0.15,-0.8644,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,11,21,3,2,6,2,18,1,0,4,1,37,32,14,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,16,0,4,2,0,0,5,2,11,0,0,7,4,25,10,25,20,2,30,0,3,0,1,14,14,1,4,12,101,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441847909160532,0.4037799249112856,0.14134450306526886,0.0,0.1420502553810545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337174088185755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292385016609316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071484459563825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472233837376306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289486058063806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977495585128175,0.07899179912453612,0.0,0.08592613642046618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889407813950198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574436391372638,0.0,0.12324200154547987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772995861032812,0.0,0.0,0.13380053380217566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018442285307389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188384395570233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41927114803832893,0.13201538923267062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408934725611774,0.1448005447527863,0.0,0.0,0.14467072679566667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968577356467142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381861397475498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541216319069984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701477293928,0.0,0.12074246178000345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816151586051083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530517650117238,0.0,0.09736296133276738
bpd,HeavyHotel,2019/04/09,Feel like you lost the ability to feel joy? Does anyone feel like their ability to experience actual joy is kind of gone because you’re so self conscious and so unhappy with yourself that your goal every day becomes to just get through it without feeling anything horrible?,8.268095238095237,9.267048734693882,7.877959183673473,67.67299319727894,61.6530612244898,11.431292517006804,42.863945578231295,11.20814326018867,5.3973619047619055,224,13,34,6,3,71,40,49,0.111,0.578,0.311,0.9205,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,2,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,8,3,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,3,5,7,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.22867176019132796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384861378659593,0.0,0.19283318756402332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284506988437154,0.2587984891746255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511231224930173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506329822912306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974326849390716,0.0,0.0,0.22921918586348566,0.0,0.0,0.4739360831796352,0.33481004023756583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242747643126488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440180833119254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896308511018346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557982973858109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445674246556545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258852469182899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nicolephilip,2019/04/09,Does anybody else do this? Is anybody else so unable to let people go they have to make the person hate them to feel safe about it? I guess its like closure for me? Like if I end any chance of continuing talking or being around someone I wont feel so anxious and miss them as much when they're not in my life anymore,4.66090909090909,4.6781903939393965,5.1480303030303025,87.54204545454546,69.30303030303031,7.206060606060608,28.62121212121212,5.985473137389443,1.0736484848484849,250,8,54,1,4,80,55,66,0.113,0.7440000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,3,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,10,13,7,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,3,9,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,3,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626404990838557,0.0,0.0,0.2701885368051677,0.23718755702572836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129076839077192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092950290160384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39958357723289945,0.0,0.21182932940204974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24185816559431025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592306276573518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634673695761691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361260649573459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24456256343609206,0.16892941399628494,0.23368801709311335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964459061230635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581389936294664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658069969881187,0.2088297785077801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264385019362424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223188314535214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KeyRaise,2019/04/09,"Help me I'm losing my mind I am like one of those floating magnets. Perfectly stable most of the time, but the slightest disturbance can send me spiralling out of control. It takes just a little push. And it happens every now and then, and the pain is agonising.

And music makes me lose my mind. And I listen to Lana del Rey and immediately want to die because of how touching her music is.

And I find myself in a daze, up all night and up all dau day unable to sleep. Unable to work, unable to eat, unable to think -- and all I can do is stare off into space and sit in one place, paralyzed.

It's been two days. And I feel like crying but I can't. Things are just so sad. I try not to let this define me, but it overwhelms me sometimes. My friends notice and I don't know what to say or how to explain myself.

But I think I like it. It's also beautiful. I just wish I was able to express it better. I wish I had some company to help me get through this.

Lots of things have contributed to this wave of mine, but does music have such a strong influence on you guys too, or is it just me?",1.3946249473240613,3.226197800884957,3.1743994943110003,91.47184365781716,79.84070796460176,5.897682258744206,20.93889591234724,6.868970318607317,0.3381515381373794,837,23,185,9,21,279,129,226,0.13699999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.7589,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,0,7,12,14,0,2,6,0,17,3,1,5,4,49,31,24,1,3,12,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,15,14,1,1,6,0,0,2,3,7,0,3,3,5,29,7,27,27,6,20,0,4,1,0,11,11,0,5,9,135,44,1,0.13860787662373586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110844668858355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844940750780313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258740302407645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546051970049482,0.0,0.0,0.15225424394670273,0.17878122735755073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438530925739194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212966868954287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183046128041565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167831141641967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008430712166536,0.09902149475516016,0.0,0.0,0.1266850881406862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708810164779414,0.0,0.07241689470676628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372435897568181,0.1225704875388274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581187594449336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617526408327274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173594481872695,0.0,0.20315042149222395,0.13892150597271682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101335188404393,0.0,0.11783946004092602,0.0,0.0,0.0925218339541448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27990888545187204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300741026563077,0.0,0.0,0.15780598622294387,0.0,0.0,0.18784856880057085,0.0,0.14748855330958174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448157298890963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022654680399932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870797757456346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708673417510284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421587325796616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416982850774616,0.17762866119946405,0.0,0.0,0.08082336751431736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410564976753846,0.0,0.1353997549491961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175451683893106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187844352199941,0.0,0.0,0.10090818499392283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IjustwanaGetFree,2019/04/09,"Narcissists feel entitled to me because I’m Borderline Narc men always scope me target me and stalk me relentlessly like they own me.
I feel like I can’t get away from these kinds of people because I have bipolar/borderline personality and these Narc Psychopath men think I’m like made for them! Because no one else wants to deal with them so they target me(a person with previous abuse experience(cowards)) (I don’t want to deal with them either).

It can be very hard because they cross and break my boundaries/manipulate/and isolate me so bravely. They’re very creepy and stare at me and hover over me for long periods of time. I try to ignore them. They’ll just start yelling at me and following me around too. 

How do I get away from these types?

I don’t act like that. I try to look nice and I have an otherwise calm aura. I’m managing my disorders. Especially hard when I’m dealing with depression/low self esteem. Most likely to happen then. But still happens nonetheless.
I feel like these kinds of people really dirty and hijack my vibe. Forbid someone see me next to one of them Harassing me. 

Note: I had low self esteem in the past and talked to people I shouldn’t have out of boredom/loneliness. I think it affected my perceivable reputation. I’m not a bird of a feather to Narcs.",3.1890283400809736,5.771358882591095,4.171702024291498,82.75092955465588,77.582995951417,7.676696356275302,24.859757085020238,8.608573733854374,1.9665311417004048,1032,37,193,23,25,333,136,247,0.109,0.7909999999999999,0.099,-0.3565,0,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,0,0,9,0,8,15,1,0,4,0,12,0,0,3,0,34,33,15,0,3,4,0,5,6,0,2,0,1,0,6,7,15,0,2,6,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,2,9,38,11,31,28,3,22,0,1,3,0,19,9,0,1,15,116,45,2,0.0,0.13404913722500755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941392526482762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071613622126248,0.0,0.0,0.21259233540696815,0.0,0.0,0.2758696624084817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34991860111092743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966508668721805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451165232207233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161677426432734,0.1616505435680648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821908386461767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009378756647828,0.0,0.2026975015866712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356300652144197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316388642839404,0.0,0.0,0.1001229032760235,0.09500679304376616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705319855140696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032274558148602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332945301511358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108002303902731,0.23530536505669586,0.19757416015442453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247861740244366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015573784251296,0.0,0.23605364564573955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958608221455656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007912566288225,0.0,0.09035155151161044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093543348735453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449875590504791,0.0,0.0,0.06597123848713678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536255282286151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670015475036,0.13346255900130233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RoyalMath,2019/04/09,"Wallowing and Need Support I don't know where to begin but I just need some support and validation and to feel less crazy/alone.

​

So, a couple years ago, I was so burnt out at a really amazing job that I quit. The job had caused a complete break w/ reality and it was making me depressed. My T encouraged me to quit, my husband did too. I felt nervous about it and like...I know the job was stress-inducing and I had to go...but now when I think about it, I just think ""what if I could've made it work?"" Because on paper it was a DREAM JOB. Seriously. However, I had this idea I might become a therapist. My T started encouraging that and I got the courage to quit and leave and whatever. 

​

Fast forward almost a year. I had decided I wanted to be a therapist. I kind of see that was crazy given my own issues, but My T encouraged it. I enroll in social worker school. I am doing OK academically, but things have just ...felt OFF. I feel so out of it. I literally do not think I even want to be a therapist, now, it seems like so much pressure. I don't want to be a social worker and I didn't understand it when I signed up. I felt pressured and like I jumped into the first thing. I still feel depressed/suicidal/whatever. None of the ""problems"" that everyone had associated w my job went away. I KNEW it was ME, not my job, but everyone else was convinced it was the job.

​

Now, I have no idea wtf to do.  I have no job. I don't see myself becoming a therapist. I feel hopeless and sent a vague email to a covering therapist and had the police called on me to do a welfare check. Like. I cannot hold the idea of ""therapist"" and ""police are here and I'm trying to make them go away without bringing me to hospital"" together.

​

My T is on yet ANOTHER vacation. He recently reduced the amount of session we have. I don't even think he has a treatment plan. I think I am being bamboozled by an elderly man who caters to people who want psychoanalysis. I am extremely attached to him. I am literally posting this so I don't email him for the 100th time while he's away. But he's NOT HERE FOR ME right now and I needed the session! 

​

I seriously haven't gotten out of bed for a couple of days. I'm barely functional, but I cover it up and no one at my school notices and probably just thinks I'm late and a lazy person. I am having such a hard time.

  
I don't even know. I know hospital won't help. I know self harming won't help. I know my T won't help. I know there is literally NO HELP for this. I'm just STUCK in it and I don't see a way out.

​

Making it worse is that I have this idea of being a therapist when, really, my last T terminated w me via email after 5 years of no progress. And this new round of therapy has resulted in a psychotic break and basically impasse after quitting a productive job. 

​

I have f'd up my life. I tore apart a dream job thinking it was the cause of my problems when really I""M the cause of them!!! Jokes on me.  Now I'm thinking about dropping out of school and I'm basically 35 w nothing going for me except a decade of failed therapy.",1.2448128342246,3.4960329843260176,3.5866725059929934,86.05893370827955,82.79310344827587,7.138521113774664,24.115895260925694,8.219915518859313,1.6387450857458976,2436,94,508,54,68,839,249,638,0.142,0.7609999999999999,0.096,-0.9721,11,1,0,0,0,1,117.0,1,0,2,11,33,25,0,3,37,1,57,1,0,8,0,99,115,40,0,10,17,1,9,3,0,4,1,0,1,3,30,30,0,1,30,3,1,7,23,11,0,2,28,12,79,14,64,78,6,66,0,3,4,0,29,26,0,5,33,343,109,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036080997547740384,0.0,0.040758450512064434,0.04215631761601085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087138715269076,0.3462125417336056,0.0,0.04268093300515797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147262006910091,0.0,0.0,0.024812338752672185,0.08990713907422196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041562594852884514,0.0,0.0,0.12544042751435622,0.0,0.0,0.04267660960899994,0.0,0.0,0.03249825317176739,0.0900747995854258,0.0,0.02625024519007617,0.0,0.03505767126532278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03400236347870248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065238811450402,0.0,0.0,0.07778744746091755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232319570067509,0.0,0.11724458188241316,0.0,0.0,0.034622185070763555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939782786826447,0.0,0.032554127472573434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0364621396189751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913018944692827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379617301255974,0.0,0.04248364424004247,0.4039171999301284,0.0,0.0,0.042386197506251534,0.15658618887585146,0.03317860186157312,0.045915067307521935,0.043098891321581234,0.0,0.0,0.028749926995112564,0.07954225699507107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03851442313481322,0.08150925673671094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317974267566845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0299215906326529,0.09054288837929368,0.0,0.039311476802388216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039055890304024767,0.04634094856647828,0.0,0.0,0.02758159266776964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028218525986197382,0.03554052988448915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898248619338335,0.0,0.04388501496194809,0.07789507449059911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317177365608086,0.0,0.0,0.07822668103251917,0.0,0.04018957375582345,0.0,0.0,0.034760374600719936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358166256441645,0.09730572133154262,0.037054733011415326,0.04246239306221919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298372631364932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028809987667627632,0.0,0.03250568813349392,0.0,0.04662546419120178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237918862641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093095484976938,0.3308174777816255,0.054082894791564765,0.20864812164850466,0.0,0.0,0.047468814163476813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027634852010819774,0.0,0.0,0.04237354493550041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603138513535944,0.03230836525257892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03773234387609207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392365047691493,0.0,0.0296324691012271,0.0,0.0414801147816307,0.0,0.0,0.3462125417336056,0.07863472411063192
bpd,Crimson_Serenity,2019/04/09,"Looking for Wisdom Looking for someone further along the path than I am with challenges they may be able to identify with, as a sort of mentor or guide. I’m a 37F with 2 kids, single mother. Professional. Please PM if willing to lend an ear/read my struggles and offer some insight or even just to listen. Thanks in advance.",3.2603763440860227,5.7088415967741915,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,76.58064516129029,5.423655913978496,28.075268817204304,6.42735559955562,1.4046688172043011,257,11,45,2,6,82,53,62,0.039,0.804,0.156,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,9,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,13,6,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,6,0,32,3,3,0.3311171964022778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869978538305065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561101019620587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634672490217888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312068014181253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28055452599573416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461555869307053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048482274488849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayy362880,2019/04/09,"My best friend is my FP and I’m in love with her How screwed am I???

It hurts like hell when she’s not there and I’m losing control of my emotions, it hasn’t been this bad for a while but I can’t believe I got myself into another situation like this everything just hurts so much

any advice???",-0.3720238095238102,1.8148728095238127,1.903472222222224,95.44187500000002,90.74603174603176,5.0547619047619055,18.98611111111111,6.6274283507984215,0.05328730158730188,229,7,53,3,8,77,50,63,0.226,0.605,0.16899999999999998,-0.6276,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,11,2,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,0,9,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,9,5,5,7,2,4,1,3,0,2,4,2,2,0,4,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209437493840191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375675970016062,0.2370871158541745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878529147353068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547389414546474,0.23727955383011745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535920355366794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543337324901436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320543105038225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746854425222696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083400826052334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48409262120678404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209235245304256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529497215190701,0.0,0.0,0.20406541322484995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621060331571594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541475367180757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OhMerani,2019/04/09,"DAE dissociate during sex? (NSFW?) Last weekend I met up with a guy and as he was doing his thing, I swear I felt like I wasn’t even there. I didn’t feel any sensation and my mind started wandering to everything that was making me anxious. I would look down and I didn’t even feel like I was in my own body; everything felt fake. This was probably the first time I truly noticed me dissociating this badly.",3.8692592592592585,5.163995864197531,5.408333333333335,80.33250000000002,71.83950617283949,8.85679012345679,27.08024691358025,9.2995712137729,2.232076543209876,319,11,64,7,6,108,56,81,0.13,0.77,0.1,-0.3367,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,0,11,17,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,5,14,2,6,6,1,8,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,7,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996742529336856,0.0,0.0,0.2325226130848475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185450078641726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286241415407585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718897135125519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36996280417479976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081416677586492,0.14704075640295508,0.3952467685600444,0.0,0.0,0.17507384840305065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037981884559237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777408764541973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20111048760107111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284038029469678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738916466616066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782363638580886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23433206736082704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219131588867181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568333578908807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674036610606866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200176701404514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621151361816315,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,suburbansackofshit,2019/04/09,"DAE feel like they steal all their personality traits from other's? Trying to explain why I am the way I am to my GF/FP but she's having a hard time understanding. Basically the way I put it is that most people have masks that they put on and those masks are different parts of their personality/identity, where as I don't have any masks of my own, but instead steal masks from other people and use them as if they were mine.",7.831395348837209,5.932225279069767,8.162441860465119,74.83575581395351,63.65116279069767,11.390697674418604,30.80232558139535,10.125756701596842,2.5386372093023253,338,8,72,6,4,112,59,86,0.098,0.8809999999999999,0.021,-0.7391,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,6,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,1,11,13,7,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,2,14,1,9,12,4,7,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,2,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638461199375367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25172895634121056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182550542779153,0.17212617406377434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583314642990303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177101493548112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609124031426245,0.0,0.33407218089008883,0.2103777910708057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844185277342573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404929006534193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358110420695107,0.0,0.0,0.2508249824170633,0.0,0.2080930959525758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824907809217951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174090931389004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NorvilleR0gers,2019/04/09,"I don't know who I am anymore Honestly I'm not sure if I've ever known who I am but more and more recently  (since I've been at university) I can't stop stressing myself out over not knowing who I am. I meet people, I try and be what they expect me to be or copy them, and then when they leave I completely have to reinvent myself to forget that that bond ever happened. This has happened with what seems every relationship/friendship I've ever had, some more obviously than others. I don't know what I want to do because I don't know who I want to be and whether I can 'maintain' that persona for long enough.. 
Sorry if this is all jumbled I just needed to get this out. Does anyone else here feel similarly?",4.750934865900383,4.990032813793103,5.9112643678160905,81.37739463601531,69.13793103448276,8.375478927203066,29.214559386973185,8.167268648758528,1.8815363984674327,558,19,114,7,9,187,86,145,0.07200000000000001,0.8740000000000001,0.054000000000000006,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,17,0,0,0,6,35,30,11,0,6,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,20,2,13,25,6,12,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,5,8,88,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605627974441875,0.11707849972728172,0.17156288562901836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207035683123424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555849186803396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465285714108248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398753018799051,0.0,0.0,0.17301110492770613,0.0,0.0,0.4543793660974172,0.14107609466810508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466309891636567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087480906519224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29613469082921073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36808433630465215,0.0,0.0,0.17729562940738966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817983790085162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415523069021216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116082367138907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532758862605484,0.17976875496278355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243181460892924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850875906919774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874362656986404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998800531600142,0.1918028693246568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578109713071883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136813112959353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752184277083093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Haylien7979,2019/04/09,"I'm going to mess this up! I'm screwing my marriage up. I'm constantly kicking off about the smallest of things, accusing my husband of things like he is out to get me. I've now started to think things about his family, that they are out to intentionally screw me over, even though deep down I know they haven't done anything wrong. I constantly run off and every day I want to end my marriage because I think I'm better off alone. It's torture. I can't really explain it better then I have. 
My husband is as patient as he can be with it. He will say stop and think before you accuse me. Do you have facts/proof, don't blow up before thinking. But it's so hard to do it. I know I'll be ok in a few days but its every couple of weeks this will happen again. I can't keep burning bridges.",1.2355722891566288,3.1666160963855465,3.028539156626504,91.8284713855422,80.80722891566266,5.595783132530121,22.423192771084338,6.6274283507984215,0.4624108433734935,616,20,135,6,16,205,97,166,0.094,0.84,0.066,-0.3067,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,2,2,7,9,3,0,2,1,17,2,0,1,0,18,34,9,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,2,7,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,2,20,4,25,29,1,25,0,0,0,2,14,12,2,0,12,87,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597064577418077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268948613293897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399992586103012,0.0,0.2624285806202988,0.0,0.0,0.2727577474543057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33327451588395185,0.0,0.0,0.1706212495197638,0.0,0.1988946810937184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780187811202934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657693785763855,0.0,0.0,0.10184876939451384,0.0,0.25984316801188145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536764038102312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056402448616115,0.0,0.08763638042559031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363600551962932,0.0,0.1381344360595217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706155725125713,0.0,0.0,0.16949044461778529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533516222398068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878555840985008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226273820729386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091447578484529,0.0,0.0,0.12891952697779654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307334275384025,0.3952248951923245,0.15150238859760748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095215865215096,0.0,0.12369130347566973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859535337755036,0.0,0.0
bpd,stonedKai,2019/04/09,"*Trigger warning* just saying what im feeling right now. Being at home has made me release that people don't give a shit. I hate myself so much. I'm failing uni, I've gone back to hurting myself and not eating.  

Honestly ending it all right now. Might be the best thing to do for everyone around me. As they don't have to worry about me.",0.3559420289855062,2.7515915507246405,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,90.01449275362317,4.22608695652174,19.26086956521739,5.82211442006289,-0.04023478260869506,263,8,53,2,9,87,56,69,0.114,0.703,0.183,0.6468,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,2,7,6,2,0,2,0,8,2,1,2,1,9,14,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,2,7,2,8,9,3,9,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,1,4,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997441657102888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727318667153692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357425083551228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985957164138626,0.0,0.0,0.19896156767252954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465013065006816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358313770071485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549212950188146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178237633510853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253290698888058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240478387112106,0.0,0.2426463389523945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125568128958926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383041919822684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165133927084668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573490292846698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836772740608879,0.0,0.17864023428495368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305864918262843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923873724968134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22812961879685925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mrunknownnn,2019/04/09,"Should I be concerned? Ok so I’ll try to keep this short and concise. 

Since I was a child I’ve had these episodes where I get trapped in my head/imagination and It’s like I go to a different place but I don’t hallucination or see things but it’s like I’m in a different place and I talk to myself. I get lost for a minute. This has been going on since I was a child I don’t know how much people realize I do this. 

Another thing that happens is that I have these personality changes. It’s like I’m still me at the core but I become a different person. It’s like a different person takes over me or something and my personality shifts. These shifts usually last for hours or sometimes days but it’s strange, hard to explain.

In between these times I feel numb, depressed or anxious. Is there something wrong with me? There’s more I could get into but I wanna keep it short. It’s crazy because I go from being super depressed and suicidal to be hyped up and on the top of the world. It switches on and off and I can’t control it.

Another thing I should add is that there are these voices I hear in my head, they sound like my own. I believe I’ve been hearing them since I was young but my memory is bad. The voices are like “go hear”, “talk to this person”, etc. I’m 21 now but apparently at 16 the Christian rehab center I went to (I was there because I was suicidal) said I had hallucinations but I don’t recall seeing things although I did hear audible voices at one point but it only happened a couple times.",0.8661968560200037,3.216048273311902,2.8421891747052506,90.07231555912828,85.55948553054662,5.770668095748483,21.82216863165416,7.1686216300943375,0.7390685244730264,1187,41,253,18,36,397,146,311,0.13699999999999998,0.775,0.08800000000000001,-0.951,5,1,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,4,9,14,0,0,13,1,29,3,1,2,0,36,56,24,2,4,13,0,2,6,0,2,2,10,0,7,26,11,0,3,4,0,0,5,4,6,0,1,13,14,38,8,28,37,4,37,1,3,2,0,17,23,0,4,15,170,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240880841342304,0.0,0.0928739549987172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864195684288403,0.10022896542072858,0.09079453999853547,0.0,0.09262257291894756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696733098076835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220556020620113,0.06563803448468483,0.09096385535154773,0.0,0.05301868041678336,0.0,0.14161478915827258,0.0,0.0,0.3435680139708559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168593567155678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156787081547391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885407223058984,0.0,0.18688746108715384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539614932509198,0.0,0.07364405603729014,0.0,0.16874245536374194,0.0,0.3706267994267613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096033812762013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614413741726875,0.0,0.0,0.04518049284915082,0.06701216221170597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098206356062726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974197962910843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043384508706143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557076566885252,0.06252444664902168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056994096636495226,0.3589132181708587,0.17178400698542795,0.0,0.07771506876444548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782005823329837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102153026623894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040150057401359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265786239917923,0.08130784038163551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565305117717038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984890034129475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061811725540620574,0.1321546463492942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218466813868276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587468115720688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055815226734745226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054275421938872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762095388769545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898837828274263,0.0,0.0
bpd,oldangst,2019/04/09,"I'm in one of those impulsive moods... Really could use some advice to relieve this feeling.

If I had something to abuse right now to feel better, I would. Like those good feels from adderall or something. But I don't have any and I want to self destruct. In the mood to self harm or something, anything but I'm trying not to. I distracted myself by rearranging my apartment and purging a bunch of junk but I'm done with that now.",1.60458823529412,4.168568811764708,2.717941176470589,90.71573529411766,84.41176470588233,5.282352941176471,23.794117647058826,6.742157984588678,0.8629058823529414,339,13,67,4,10,108,60,85,0.083,0.77,0.147,0.3327,0,0,3,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,1,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,19,14,8,0,4,7,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,3,7,4,13,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,3,46,11,0,0.0,0.2494865805211393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576290770949016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431922742512432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732780867316412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622874135710904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681200209515413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548238624836366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194058765138232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766129847252947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287203624348658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268514411139746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489413502366235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982243154020708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393330542131804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863125720762411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429606654393325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186163747296047,0.0,0.0,0.1241974329791657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958022634780388,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thklap,2019/04/09,"Post-Breakup Delusion My (25M) ex-boyfriend (22M) has been recently diagnosed with BPD+ Manic Depression. Our relationship ended because he was self-harming having indiscriminate sex with strangers, leading to a lot of suicidal ideation. We broke up because the goal was to get him some help, and try to get him to turn his life around. Now that it’s been a couple months, it’s turned into “we broke up because you weren’t good enough for me” and him telling his friends I’m his crazy ex because I had been keeping in contact with him. I’m at a total loss. I think it’s probably time for me to just completely walk away because it’s as if the person I dated is completely gone. Advice? Is he just splitting? Any experience with this?",3.824201877934272,5.839377500000005,4.4813380281690165,84.01008215962445,73.29577464788733,7.550234741784037,30.847417840375584,8.344100000000001,2.3531812206572766,583,27,112,10,12,186,96,142,0.133,0.8059999999999999,0.061,-0.8844,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,1,0,3,4,6,0,0,5,0,11,3,0,1,1,19,20,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,8,0,17,2,20,12,4,16,0,4,0,1,20,7,0,3,6,69,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794992014601166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295969169967227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347813713011779,0.0,0.0,0.1422487377361385,0.0,0.0,0.4614713788032329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068763009323852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174877479341448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752528802080266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040376449557112,0.15367154436601232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409871816083413,0.1564404703145465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810184745501004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697410469358972,0.0,0.15820434376312295,0.0,0.0,0.1269902203352804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148269273429213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457454402499192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694089407027824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287179912965363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084896990318353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321998501848311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450028700007268,0.0,0.1632387705581335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949286481603194,0.1625508870427118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579470542380597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561104800065732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233348642502074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970133623250958,0.0,0.0,0.08828470117439027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279315777181934,0.32936744618826463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaleriain,2019/04/09,"Suddenly having no regard for a person and their feelings I’ve been trying to figure out if this is a ‘me’ thing or a bpd thing but I am also new to reddit so bear with me. 

If someone hurts me a great amount I will lose all respect for them and cut them off/hurt them without caring at all. I’ve done this with friends and family but it’s the most noticeable in romantic relationships. I was seeing this guy and we weren’t seeing anyone else, everyone knew we were together but we weren’t official because he was scared of titles, said he needed to focus on work (he’s a narcissist that’s another story altogether you get the point) and this really ate away at me and so I was waiting for him for basically a year until something just snapped in me and I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I kept distancing myself, trying to leave him, he even cried for the first time in years, but I didn’t care AT ALL. Is this splitting??? or am I just a terrible person/have a whole different problem?",3.2361000000000004,4.822431009999999,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,73.9,8.200000000000001,25.5,8.841846274778883,1.9148499999999995,782,26,155,16,16,264,119,200,0.153,0.736,0.111,-0.7879999999999999,3,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,3,1,4,3,6,11,1,1,11,0,17,1,0,0,3,37,30,19,0,5,11,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,9,14,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,14,4,25,5,25,14,6,17,0,2,2,0,20,10,0,5,7,115,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072472033079192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451851644204127,0.0,0.0,0.137313016828907,0.09681297225313612,0.14186646501927935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008574038310805,0.0,0.0,0.08440264136274488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438285876808335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823340822690127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208948480614384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465902020024002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169048754727642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566379609699408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145012698361987,0.0,0.0,0.13230244226494187,0.0,0.0,0.1305257712114275,0.0,0.07000846667276417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777220595166694,0.0,0.0,0.10697221822061198,0.0,0.07233853009094637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526503066254046,0.0,0.13709507412067293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964440583428608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660690810355706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489895676757065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266476707415777,0.0,0.13372348778022805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763521936619707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417921686128356,0.0,0.0,0.13088745453716902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248549646385674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869966632326542,0.0,0.0,0.14865195169679224,0.0,0.0,0.13170515483827586,0.0,0.13862049670747234,0.0,0.220666015725876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173149163507482,0.10659164404344422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839705325020964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073590598796808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800763012560076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166604768640022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458328359510648,0.0,0.13346845992103362,0.0,0.10079898905032224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783246763884972
bpd,throaway1999999999,2019/04/09,"Is anyone else totally unable to get over certain previous relationships? I'm not sure if this is a common thing with BPD or not, but I'm completely unable to get over this one relationship I've had, and it's been two years already. This guy was the first person I ever loved (including family and friends, etc, for which I for never felt any love for. Mostly bc family was abusive and I never had any friends) and I loved him with all my heart. I didn't know I was BPD then and I broke up with him when I split on him, but I never, EVER stopped loving him.

Now, two years later, I'm with someone else, and I love this person as much as I did him, but I'm still not over it at all. The other day I had a breakdown because I did not have any of his pictures saved anymore, and I missed his face so bad. I miss him. I can't seem to get over him and it's so upsetting. I actually messaged him to ask for a picture, and he was so understanding, like he always was. I spent and entire hour (or more) crying my eyes out. Is anyone else like this? Is anyone else unable to get over some previous relationships?",2.9383823529411788,4.042568127192983,4.6493601651186784,85.61679566563467,73.86842105263158,7.645407636738906,23.93808049535604,8.124751697461798,1.1970523219814249,855,24,184,13,17,290,112,228,0.18,0.7040000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,8,17,0,1,5,0,18,8,3,0,10,43,39,23,0,1,10,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,11,15,0,1,4,0,1,0,9,5,0,4,14,2,30,12,25,25,8,26,0,3,1,5,27,9,0,6,19,133,41,0,0.0,0.10933614497962764,0.09005150287114874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183274819806737,0.0,0.07678395541292259,0.0,0.0,0.18825971991912369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915164904712986,0.1935719640565868,0.2836538289078032,0.0,0.0,0.08626889709345395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770495471049305,0.05625274065349918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324456573944773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675332407136196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136472279528293,0.0595126581773389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083508013395102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291606102598444,0.0,0.1669442231345128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398584304958334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860281334757353,0.0,0.0,0.07849291503943237,0.0,0.0,0.14258986096967596,0.0,0.1928489680777932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137123583891188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093516789474599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087674176412766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071441246893159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016622734235064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164293612609037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783606715096632,0.0,0.21351497074249404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253099293122481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611498400218153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972210188481309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400781187349042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818814029650141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369454619186326,0.07714981314958994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697235825184799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130641461947496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028737027230465,0.09606623775315784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884997449178257
bpd,heyaniston,2019/04/09,"How to stop thinking my fiancé is cheating? Background: I was diagnosed with BPD rather young (only 16). It caused a lot of trouble in my first real relationship, which only was only exacerbated when I found out about his emotional cheating and later found out about his physical cheating. was I a nutcase? yup. legit psycho over here. constant meltdowns and anxiety attacks and bouts of anger. I finally broke things off with my ex and now I’m engaged to the most lovely person ever.

However, my ex destroyed my self esteem. My fiancé (24) is so reassuring and tells me every day how much I mean to him but I literally cannot go a day without making myself physically ill to the point I almost vomit thinking he’s cheating on me or is going to. My sister (19) recently moved in with us and I’m petrified thinking they’re going to hook up. She has a boyfriend and he treats me so well, but I cannot for the life of me get a grip on my ridiculous brain. How do I stop this?",3.1469721362229137,5.256996557894741,4.916191950464398,79.72246130030959,75.52631578947368,7.2074303405572735,27.492260061919502,8.124751697461798,2.0415479876160987,766,31,139,13,17,260,119,190,0.198,0.7440000000000001,0.057,-0.9785,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,1,13,15,8,0,8,1,10,6,1,5,1,35,24,16,0,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,12,0,2,6,0,0,4,3,10,1,1,5,1,27,5,25,19,3,27,0,1,0,1,16,10,0,4,13,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031433566822932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071947748198816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941172264945588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648176393004428,0.15642516116862432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394634757934574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151424685498637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073727870903356,0.0,0.0,0.1422233062643194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762107853331594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675053303624215,0.11806084209831808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349942002924194,0.0,0.11918973455943127,0.0,0.30727832216768725,0.0,0.0,0.07320921035900231,0.0,0.2389077600305579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897400063418127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912874549039927,0.12646773280494428,0.0,0.0935341184150056,0.0,0.0,0.1526365395928066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893005085920574,0.10300754957587696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197127385470091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235121250654138,0.0,0.0,0.1324628407643747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594922329637576,0.0,0.0,0.1383559304019294,0.15044115478106393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461802987737459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23430052880542995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247489310072633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309241836176936,0.26935815342944724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855238812024442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598865488119018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507491161855853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ginduo,2019/04/09,"How do you stay in work? I've started a new job recently in retail which over the first two weeks we're building the shop as well. The work isn't stressful and the people there are friendly too. However I'm constantly doubting myself every moment I'm doing something even if I know how to do it, so much so that I don't even notice I'm doing it. 

This morning I got ready to leave and I had like 10 minuets to sit around doing nothing and I just shut down and now I've not gone into work again which has just left me feeling even worse and guilty for letting people down. I can't be honest with them either because it just makes me feel too vulnerable in myself even if they're perfectly nice about it and I hate lying saying I'm ""ill"". 


Im also on medication and also taking part in the Stepps therapy group locally.

Tldr
Has anyone got any advice about staying in work?",3.2643900481540946,4.763886016853935,4.682054574638848,84.14011235955056,73.66292134831461,6.8834670947030485,24.51203852327448,7.447530270364453,1.1706038523274471,693,21,135,8,14,231,114,178,0.115,0.767,0.11800000000000001,0.168,2,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,6,22,9,1,2,6,0,14,2,0,3,1,25,28,16,0,2,7,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,3,1,2,2,4,3,1,2,4,3,13,6,19,22,3,28,0,0,0,0,5,14,0,3,10,94,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942843792394276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184015742835394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900704241858866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261199857602084,0.0,0.0,0.1179084269294798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074018511962082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313120920916544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499274459971793,0.0,0.1115946916722288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339412242990486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112661755093851,0.0,0.0,0.10233040770215776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186445217787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076678288528132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306854154972465,0.0,0.13143601584854736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279096099861998,0.0,0.0,0.1402452424352834,0.1439071244630898,0.13543892174924574,0.0,0.06470829512114051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841128794138077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342926616700435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736586263935834,0.0,0.0,0.1279208681611554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270891810961979,0.15079500579014676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343025538459112,0.0,0.1836480659593636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077822519146354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532941849274596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196634765592992,0.0,0.0,0.09374866919095784,0.2823477849171496,0.0,0.0,0.15172082920560878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958578623980817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146792016994678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938423516268294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624326188381664,0.0,0.1190883009622846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857002057940798,0.0,0.13497768911007224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDHelpPlease1,2019/04/09,"My GF was recently diagnosed with BPD I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now who had been previously diagnosed with depression in the past.  I convinced her to seek therapy which she has done for a few weeks now.  Her new therapist has diagnosed her with BPD which makes a lot of sense and puts a ton of her previous behaviors into perspective.  Right around the time she began therapy, she started getting angry/distant and pushed me away for no discernible reason.  I've given her space to the point that we text maybe twice a week now and the conversations remain hollow.

​

In our most recent conversation, she said something along the lines of ""I know you care about me and I know you only have good intentions but its selfish for you to want to be with me in any way.  It has nothing to do with abandonment, I just know whats best for me and I do not think I should have any meaningful relationships right now.  I have none because I am the problem.""

​

Would this behavior be characterized as splitting or is there any validity to her isolating herself to work on her problems? Bear in mind we have had basically no relationship issues to speak of.  I would really like to maintain this relationship and help her through the process.  How should I proceed from here?  Thanks in advance.",6.088293391430646,7.560264481481483,6.155076252723313,76.39313725490197,66.73662551440329,9.997482449770033,32.812636165577345,10.194018383442646,3.4573221496005804,1051,45,188,26,17,333,148,243,0.075,0.818,0.10800000000000001,0.8176,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,3,3,0,3,12,11,0,0,12,0,23,3,0,4,0,41,36,10,0,7,4,0,0,1,1,4,3,2,0,1,9,16,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,9,2,34,6,38,21,6,33,0,2,0,0,30,13,0,3,17,142,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218466272295357,0.24879375943905666,0.208855614398322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911354908179906,0.0,0.0,0.09618472053421902,0.0,0.0,0.062406874480761335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743628897138094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578755594144167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437817673310676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881754723748954,0.31172553340313336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476521029096368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053486733289618615,0.0,0.0,0.08586732682426274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686198316769182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685294441613727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878793476797285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500152736274534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703559847081893,0.0,0.0,0.06833613449196052,0.0,0.10284948832744216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336960706601407,0.0,0.08171478061582055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887445205848608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098231612434163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778608314996651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772856013881936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677750381415104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591817542313875,0.0,0.10291519188292794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558407240990424,0.10525859217752773,0.20216600376253216,0.32973744213732803,0.0,0.17485545044622208,0.09738210716814724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881330777230172,0.0,0.0,0.07246158059051523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942531827760575,0.23414956178025265,0.11886531258126302,0.0,0.06559779223231492,0.0,0.0,0.05969570939643179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060383451335382525,0.08126054198656063,0.16423816465089466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453024876811179,0.0,0.0,0.14544858298195704,0.0,0.24879375943905666,0.0
bpd,peesys,2019/04/09,"Can Borderline women get married (healthily)? I am 39 and want marriage more than anything else in the world, well that and financial stability (the ability to make a living since I can't keep a job) and I want kids even more than marriage but without one of the three I have none. I had a 4-year live-in relationship in my 20s and HE was BPD and somehow I wasn't not sure how that worked. Anyway, I DEF have OBJECT RELATIONS/OBJECT CONSTANCY i.e. abandonment issues and the last relationship which was 5 months after years of me running and avoiding men said we weren't ""healthy"" and thought ""this shouldn't be this hard."" but what he doesn't know is that it will always be that hard with me, he will have to fight to be with me. He was 35 and divorced and said he was burnt out on kids and marriage right now lol. I know I am very intriguing to men, they are all attracted to me, but does it take the one guy willing to fight for me or can I heal? How do BPDs in the 40s get married? BTW, I think he was NPD, I have been reading alot about NPD man and BPD woman. I am so sad that I accepted ALL of his flaws and he could not accept mine.",5.461881809177946,4.932214012875537,5.782832618025753,85.52548035655333,67.6695278969957,9.22931660614064,29.940244305051174,8.617729084823388,1.912167646087818,887,28,197,12,13,284,132,233,0.106,0.818,0.076,-0.8977,1,2,0,0,3,0,30.0,1,0,1,1,9,10,2,1,10,1,31,1,0,3,3,45,44,20,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,8,11,17,0,3,6,1,0,1,9,5,1,3,12,4,24,5,22,24,6,13,0,2,0,0,28,7,0,3,5,133,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234283922349998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220688356950344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736508964655315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843514434899405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981084000544116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391665501287875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797528888650822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500007746419642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468771005019605,0.0,0.0,0.26576190087644874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548254458923308,0.14720173304676307,0.1318488750208694,0.0,0.0,0.16304443709679936,0.12091457593132883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619688430606815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901619979765594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840129828867617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103418431242406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483772926127073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31851717195855106,0.0,0.1266791160036212,0.28220519793118826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270602374517905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980600882284527,0.0,0.11153107636963017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950484564315554,0.0,0.1177631280551582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239368426346095,0.1749861892641782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337291285093789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299171963252535,0.0,0.10799121223136422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104852296033994
bpd,Chi868,2019/04/09,Lonely Feeling lonely and isolated tonight,10.615000000000002,15.527063833333335,8.383333333333336,45.64500000000001,77.33333333333334,9.066666666666668,56.0,8.841846274778883,8.7482,37,3,2,1,1,11,5,6,0.6759999999999999,0.185,0.139,-0.7003,0,4,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DreamLikeiSlay,2019/04/09,"Im not sure if im thinking clearly so I'll just post my thoughts I feel like everyone hates me. Things are hopeless. Boring. Dull. All my effort is pointless. I only feel this way at night. I wake up fairly happy. I don't know what's going on. All I know is I'm so, so empty inside. I have nothing. I'm not even afraid if anything happens to me. If my eating disorder kills me, you know what? GOOD. Not just for me but for everyone. Even the people I've hurt in the past.",-1.74305830583058,0.0005328514851488109,1.085462046204622,97.27437568756876,106.62376237623762,3.4325632563256323,16.502200220022004,5.46131890053228,-0.5719707370737073,362,11,81,3,18,124,66,101,0.192,0.727,0.081,-0.8489,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,1,7,11,2,1,2,0,5,2,1,0,4,20,17,7,1,3,9,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,2,14,4,7,16,2,9,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,3,3,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646426324719852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398312908745309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821203205373874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23511125376905026,0.0,0.0,0.340139419196098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998639167368846,0.12715058670821058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115143953203158,0.14928310426084318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738915517492896,0.18946546199531555,0.0,0.17572066796813354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905337273119898,0.0,0.3845028398136722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691103852356798,0.0,0.29344324315008197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695315882888302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702432647767787,0.0,0.17077881172115789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536355510855566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699042391563436,0.12339051290168092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045783922012905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677462061727712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824352786539885,0.1140438676650498,0.0,0.14129806096762726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127406093006098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gyropi,2019/04/09,"Typically, I would bring this up with my therapist but idk So, I have all but one of the ""symptoms"" of bpd and I'm currently 14, yet, therapist refuses to diagnose someone so young with it, I understand. But like, I'm kinda stuck with this rn, and idk what to do for help, treatment would he nice, thoughts? This is not for a diagnosis, never would I trust the internet with that shit. But yeah, wdyt",2.800274725274725,4.837183166666667,4.337765567765569,83.8096153846154,76.30769230769229,9.072527472527472,27.809523809523807,9.606745405546679,2.6993677655677657,309,13,64,9,7,103,54,78,0.154,0.6970000000000001,0.149,0.1497,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,1,6,3,1,0,2,20,12,8,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,5,3,11,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,5,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900240502436389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337248812753809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434887707209347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250102386141016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760273461049522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560407024932534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363745887274765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951117640483653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393445137598543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347354276857738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281310009418336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972501510369085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907435264638758,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PrinceBBGuy,2019/04/09,"Got ghosted again Second friend in two years just totally dropped out of contact, then wouldn’t reply when I sent messages asking if anything was wrong. No reason. No arguments. No weirdness. Just done with me. I’ve been in a spiral of anger and sadness for two days. I hate it. It’s so cruel to do that to someone—nearly sadistic. I can’t tell if the problem is me or if our culture really just has become that impersonal and commoditized.",2.6863398692810456,5.277576352941175,3.9192156862745087,83.7853594771242,79.58823529411767,6.130718954248366,27.091503267973856,7.3871296695380915,1.7459934640522885,350,15,62,5,9,114,67,85,0.342,0.626,0.032,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,15,12,9,1,5,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,3,5,0,6,1,9,6,1,10,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,4,5,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123374949307162,0.0,0.2412241165639769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28497492354602605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664086232335968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26405525915421785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935408010449884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063709307877225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25475215330125456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469007814745949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653012406359859,0.26529880251710364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255304327601912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041175103289836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821163490633532,0.0,0.1661634787643928
bpd,shawnsavestheworld,2019/04/09,"Was sad so i bought a car, am still sad and now have to make $200 payments each month i think my bpd is showing",-1.5174358974358988,0.2340170000000015,0.4976923076923079,106.93064102564104,90.53846153846152,3.466666666666667,16.358974358974358,3.1291,-1.446702564102564,86,2,24,0,3,28,24,26,0.237,0.763,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,5,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6532424826067482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462140130584341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139947676806489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142078526961047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323406432828737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_Man_Moth_,2019/04/09,"I'm scared I'm very scared and worried that I'm a horrible person. I know this is a symptom in itself but I've physically lashed out at people and have done recently (two months ago). It's all I can think about and I can't forgive myself. I have only recently been diagnosed  (3 days ago), and I'm very aware of the stigma. I'm just so worried that the stigma applies to me, and it's true. A few hours ago I read some horrible comments on an information video about BPD, and it made me feel sick with worry and burst out crying... I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday to my boyfriend, and he's scared about this diagnosis too. I have been horrible to him in the past and his brother has since decided I'm ""abusive"" ""manipulative"" ""a piece of shit"" and has implied that I'm also a liar. I don't manipulate my boyfriend to my knowledge, and I definitely don't lie to him or others. I've lashed out at him verbally and physically, however. I know that's disgusting, which is why I feel so horrible and scared. I feel beyond guilty at this point... I honestly feel that killing myself would be the best option. I know that sounds rash and stupid, and I'm worried people will think I'm just attention seeking, but I'm being very serious. I only feel this way when I have a bad mood swings but this entire week has been one giant bad moodswing. My SO's brothers comments have very badly effected me -sleeping and eating have been hard - but I completely understand why he feels that way, and I agree, and I'm upset with myself that it even hurts me because I know it's justified. I just hate myself already, I already think I'm a horrid person who doesn't deserve to live, but having that confirmed to me everytime I see it is so difficult to take. I'm shaking everytime I see him, feel sick with worry or cry everytime I think about it... I know that I may feel very different about all of this when my depressing mood swings ends, but right now, I feel so sad and scared... I don't even know if I'm looking for advice, help or sympathy... I'm so scared it's sympathy because I don't deserve it and maybe I am manipulative, I just know others will understand. Please anybody help me",3.68690909090909,5.082057657471263,5.094357366771161,82.01683385579939,72.42528735632183,8.58307210031348,28.35423197492163,9.095868883498916,2.3198275862068964,1711,66,343,36,33,573,180,435,0.29,0.635,0.075,-0.9988,2,0,0,0,0,1,61.0,0,0,0,2,23,28,6,8,14,0,33,8,3,5,3,79,76,39,1,2,14,2,10,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,30,26,1,0,28,2,0,1,6,22,0,2,7,14,51,4,31,63,7,31,0,3,3,0,18,13,1,7,15,214,81,1,0.0,0.08218513606359353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778181227872583,0.1844613134145522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309005577153334,0.05547045925232552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374842089878495,0.0845674437381945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279336129730833,0.0,0.07572765054420118,0.0,0.08736167707356103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272695689875895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238645073010396,0.04473411707283139,0.0,0.0597432122758483,0.07040311858579758,0.0,0.07247073879731655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098357433148206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097680839524485,0.0,0.0,0.06143601924370794,0.0,0.0,0.09162869009395308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156532351275184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213662427266733,0.06848270497579245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298661089734744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830968284360596,0.0,0.07425572180166849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674111823961355,0.0,0.2668449324735812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612497860631062,0.0,0.058248388426113226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563400459804622,0.0,0.0,0.06968557863216153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055365776365211485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700292079258763,0.10550907319171744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621589832785309,0.0961766898517587,0.12113214281779335,0.0,0.07614097074120915,0.06557151096750677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938288785011047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697739464771688,0.0,0.0,0.05923657686336331,0.0,0.0,0.4166734903196105,0.0,0.11054844118934502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120126924459612,0.0573787143176086,0.0,0.06941421087065973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209587654145068,0.052153183464229286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778290132655875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775866324506699,0.14442098397253536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28616330434668785,0.0,0.11011601477818188,0.055639710626193085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518065327116548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522131388090861,0.0,0.04927427851685896,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lwalker131,2019/04/09,How do I really know if I have bpd? I don’t have money to actually get a diagnoses but I align with every single symptom bpd offers.. but how do I REALLY know ? Could anyone that knows they have it talk to me and help me towards some sort of conclusion?? (Not asking for a diagnoses just direction),2.007344632768362,4.311090101694916,4.645000000000003,79.27450564971755,80.18644067796609,8.679096045197742,21.69774011299436,9.2995712137729,2.165065536723164,232,7,44,7,6,82,42,59,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.6715,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,2,0,16,12,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,6,11,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,0,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.21327063340754032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528133496500718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431221845144246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505053331123811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449223114086762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44364180665385133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841355213126312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418194106319195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648764458794816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603236323201519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800139858997621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271543190388905,0.0,0.1756600367314563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,morais96,2019/04/09,"I was in a relationship with someone with BPD and i can't help but miss everything about her A couple months ago my girlfriend w/ BPD asked for a break. We had a hard time last year due to some lack of communication in the start of the year that lead to me hurting her a lot. I am 22 and she was my first girlfriend. I tried so hard to look for her, to listen, to reassure her that she was everything for me but in the end of the day she nedeed some space.

We agreed that we would stay at least 6 months without contact and it's beeing very hard to do so. We have classes together and everytime i look at her she's beaming and my heart jumps. I remember that we created a microcosm, a parallel universe where we could be anything that we wanted and we would create the most fantastic stories to one another. I trully believed in the personas we created and i miss having those conversations and sharing moments with her. It's beeing tought to know that love is also to let go.

She made me see what you guys can often face on a daily basis.  It broke my heart to see her dissociate so many times and It must be so hard for you guys to handle this emotion instability. Don't ever think that you guys deserve less than absolute love.",4.388673493688973,5.3251525303643765,5.411693260300074,82.14189807096929,70.25506072874494,8.726744462967371,28.699452250535842,9.007467420416297,2.1809978090021427,973,35,198,18,17,321,135,247,0.07,0.787,0.14300000000000002,0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,9,3,0,2,9,8,0,0,14,0,19,5,3,2,2,41,35,16,0,6,3,0,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,14,21,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,5,9,39,4,31,23,7,29,0,4,4,2,39,9,0,5,15,145,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977566714749506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001240384384185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802663048416387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262544988655462,0.0,0.10522631590579673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681405653223032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28352512898623616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898682162834036,0.1245430258673046,0.0,0.07259044662386832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661233553802925,0.0996927706974202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101814942314436,0.0,0.0,0.20231932246972345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957415772379557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639691716300376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33434965037305275,0.0,0.0,0.4033185946474684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667629864628882,0.07544509712898516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049541519250252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185880389373383,0.09174960119601512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509794052896473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904034806758727,0.0,0.0,0.09569258652843712,0.20317555455946126,0.10650487858580744,0.0,0.11411590686653128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968506799785758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762720544457208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208449158266773,0.127506005692472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938793128389965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953698288505268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966896525644072,0.11997160098869432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212247079992044,0.0,0.0,0.13126667563984726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764193338128623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928719439620014,0.06638948594963795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850166863313107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991561334648607,0.0,0.0,0.1449670203586868
bpd,CarrollKing995,2019/04/09,"So Far.... I'm feeling so alone. I get my low moods. I feel like I'm done with all this. This world doesn't feel like my own sometimes. I lost a lot of people. I hardly know what I did. I didn't expect to lose my FP. She has BPD too but untreated. Two years we were close. I fell for her after someone used me. My last FB was a childhood friend who scammed me. She told me she had AIDS in order to get money from me. That her medication was expensive. She didn't want people to know she was sick. I wouldn't have believed her if she didn't cry. I told her when I found the truth, how her and her bf were in on it ""You're a great actress"" and the thing is my stuff, I guess you call it trauma... it was two years ago. Or My abuse from my father and bullying. It was all years ago but the pain is still there like a screaming scar. I just feel so lost these days. At least with my 2nd FP she would build me up. She was supportive. Never did she tear me down. She either hates me or is going through it. I just have no clue what to do. I agonize by the phone waiting for it to ring. 
I try meditating and prayer. I'm on my meds but in the end of the day  it all feels so pointless. I feel hope sometimes with my work but that doesn't last. I think a lot of just going young. Sorry I had to ramble, vent. I lost the person I used to",-1.0207477893118018,0.981161487889274,1.0557122260668983,101.79199586697426,91.560553633218,4.179969242598999,14.602172241445599,5.648184324379264,-1.1079804690503647,1006,19,256,7,36,331,145,289,0.156,0.737,0.107,-0.9451,0,1,0,0,1,0,42.0,1,1,0,5,12,18,1,0,12,0,27,3,0,3,5,47,57,17,0,6,11,1,7,3,2,2,3,2,0,1,17,9,0,1,10,1,2,3,8,9,0,2,22,9,55,8,28,33,8,32,0,5,0,0,27,12,0,7,19,174,72,1,0.0,0.12602983654586042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885793489525252,0.0,0.0,0.11016617431023687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984140473611007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339679948139727,0.0,0.1086146117185913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684131947203999,0.13719837266801774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885238741364754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942113359442712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227000853091061,0.15198002766131974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662808596735402,0.0821804028048256,0.0,0.11114679381375103,0.0,0.12090387450070475,0.0,0.0,0.11727216557185195,0.11717741322960418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528570463807776,0.10501733680454192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564838848932293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691520887570553,0.17340981578826492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589951835274649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899966994190465,0.3483428897606767,0.18086218998104595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815194713835026,0.10715554726872736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203830754469664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318408425939346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748570218536752,0.09287728226162167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901260835858897,0.0,0.21040326348786406,0.119071354000248,0.0,0.0,0.08494639730175639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217670227524932,0.0,0.1207062472765662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066681759398802,0.06815694135219802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032802194486064,0.0,0.07221754877625525,0.0,0.20781405646719328,0.0,0.0,0.1837372767449325,0.0,0.0,0.06273917476877458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743787742524852,0.0,0.0,0.07556146481998541,0.0,0.0,0.20549438881538185
bpd,-TaylorSwift,2018/11/30,"Said goodbye to my 2+ year FP tonight Hey, I've never posted here before (long time lurker) and I finally said goodbye to my 2+ year FP tonight. If I'm being honest, I'm just looking for emotional support so I don't breakdown and forget to live for the next period. ",1.8325000000000031,3.606915821428572,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,78.28571428571428,6.622857142857143,27.271428571428572,7.554174236665415,1.7246042857142858,210,9,41,3,5,74,39,56,0.0,0.826,0.174,0.8056,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,5,5,0,11,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,10,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966068958050133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903761427391576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28278305107123025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279450084760835,0.228448441812864,0.21677511460740004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990958044128615,0.0,0.27453802120537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472296476136332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4911062360153949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929376302173517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052526588549606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33247127159660345
bpd,such_a_peach,2018/11/30,"DAE feel like they don't know how to be human?  It's so weird how like whatever I do I don't get the outcome I was hoping for. Let's say my love life. I want to pursue someone and I always take the wrong steps and we don't end up dating. Somehow no matter how much I want an emotional connection guys just want to have sex a couple of times and that's it. At best.
 The further I try to get closer to people (in the most non aggressive way, it's not like I am pushing them away by being clingy because I am so afraid of coming across as clingy) the further they go. 
 It just feels like I lack some basic social skills or like there is something inherent wrong with me/missing ever since I was born and I just cannot have people stay in my life no matter how much I try to improve myself. I have no idea why all of this is happening to me or what I'm doing wrong so I start over analyzing everything because there must be something off I am doing, right? Or maybe it's about the way I look.
 I've only had one short relationship in my life and numerous encounters/crushes/romantic interests because for the life of me I cannot keep anyone near me. I just hate BPD so much because it makes me feel so broken and defeated, to question myself so much and just want to run away from everything in my life.",2.0232222222222243,3.8255404518518494,3.7004629629629626,88.56958333333336,77.81481481481481,6.722222222222222,22.73148148148148,7.645422480735847,0.9541481481481476,1022,31,216,15,24,341,142,270,0.12,0.743,0.13699999999999998,-0.2811,1,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,3,3,21,17,2,1,9,0,24,7,0,5,3,45,46,21,0,7,9,0,3,5,0,1,5,1,0,2,9,10,0,1,6,0,0,5,9,8,0,1,3,5,33,9,32,38,9,31,0,1,1,2,11,17,0,8,11,150,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322841806832598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993947396158398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795266874998848,0.0,0.0,0.24389608956303416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496956855835583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597738842546344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616227199806263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106752350415446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125141283283129,0.08859204079910142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047790988631924,0.0,0.0,0.17979118791958826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517262165801835,0.14291508209993636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104517372496042,0.0,0.05684624294507309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904000614353237,0.08845135762166373,0.0,0.0,0.09875351085462122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934692305968253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129155143365579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890639417211559,0.0,0.0,0.054970863383568234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228185425985416,0.3532514024184593,0.2443346537872517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399540965468125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027603954123846,0.0,0.06676714751826256,0.0,0.1004880801407347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941181410407762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777920717837405,0.07607315897044649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386888235298899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205036032162846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073889073238288,0.0,0.08542039830836956,0.0,0.07954351742031811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274132117285869,0.0,0.0,0.1019624074286852,0.08475045591994795,0.15400753307328405,0.0,0.0,0.07079787401879717,0.10661283556641046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520599501959467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832510523327593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358201741535997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359882268989399,0.1587896252712086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902565765033113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280833497789723,0.0,0.0
bpd,mansfieldjayne,2018/11/30,"i love you vs. love you my boyfriend very rarely used to say ""love you"" but has started saying it more instead of ""i love you"" and i noticed that he has a password on his phone and he never used to and its really upsetting me but i know its irrational so i dont want to say anything but im scared now im going to be abandoned ):",0.49128772635814505,2.3171001408450707,2.6586720321931594,94.06676056338031,82.80281690140845,5.74728370221328,22.818913480885314,6.868970318607317,0.5652519114688124,254,9,59,3,7,86,46,71,0.237,0.61,0.154,-0.8121,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,2,1,13,14,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,12,4,6,13,1,5,0,1,0,4,15,1,0,0,3,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413680265890332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133587999632926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763186647891553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37112403037590586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441095340779064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6201865088781136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249456432123427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558335362615925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005267905723899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098414426199229,0.17199114345372754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159341101703132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967417437107235,0.0,0.14174423400345848,0.10132583028158687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SnortThatBorderLine,2018/11/30,"I just came across an article about symptoms of BPD and so much made sense... So, I hate the idea of self-diagnoses. I'm seeing a licensed counselor in a couple days anyways who can redirect me to a psychiatrist. I'm more interested in getting my life stable than labelling myself. But it feels like I finally figured out what's up with me.

I'm mid 20s, male, and feel too much. My emotions are constantly on a pendulum to the point that I was considering whether I was bipolar or cyclothymic, but I never quite seemed to match that sort of definition.

I'm stupid good at using drugs. Im intimately familiar with classic pharmacology and have always been able to rotate my usage of different classes effectively. They're basically how I stabalize myself and change course.

I have a lot of friends but a lot of people I get super close to leave me. I also felt abandoned by god/my community at large when I realized mormonsim was bullshit as a teenager. I've been loved and abandoned a lot. It feels like that's always contributed to me struggling to trust people and pushing them away.

Besides the rampant drug abuse, I've got a history of self harm, suicidal ideations, unprotected sex, and extremely risky behavior with driving my fairly high horsepower car.

On the other hand, I've hit the point where I know however shitty I feel, I'll get to feel the opposite in a bit and I've basically learned to fly my brain on autopilot with drugs, tho I've been chilling out lately on that front.

I'm currently in a no strings attached relationship which is nice cuz they shouldn't be able to hurt me, but that's not always how it works. I left a great job that was far away from home due to a nervous breakdown and am back around friends after living on a couch for months. I found a good job that'll pay for higher education but I've always skated by in school off intelligence. Despite all this, I still feel empty all the time and am particularly low today.

Idk, maybe I'm wrong. But reading about this just fits finally and vibes with how I've felt since I first started getting sad as a young teenager.

This is long. Thanks for hearing me vent.",5.267962838968863,6.577918072815535,6.018165383327755,77.21936893203886,68.51456310679612,9.274991630398393,32.168061600267826,9.581879112588783,3.0517037830599265,1714,74,317,37,29,561,234,412,0.17600000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.141,-0.9328,6,0,3,0,1,0,42.0,0,0,2,5,19,24,2,2,24,0,18,10,2,7,3,64,50,30,1,1,11,0,9,2,2,2,6,1,2,2,17,21,0,2,16,1,1,5,4,11,0,1,13,11,32,13,55,33,9,54,0,5,1,2,10,30,0,6,21,192,49,8,0.17109263449298648,0.10135839729977862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684113589949875,0.2847255556866991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615435922185787,0.0,0.0,0.16074716213128587,0.06577983750352404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339442213125568,0.0,0.10774259188115512,0.09549798191282603,0.0,0.09784219713103907,0.0,0.0,0.0904966606099182,0.0,0.0,0.09244517805748463,0.0,0.0,0.09465537291628603,0.0,0.055170297553737466,0.0,0.0,0.0868277112693592,0.0,0.08937769391709774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29761970654312314,0.0,0.0,0.09622809268278998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595287302743643,0.12222861226771438,0.1642757600212597,0.18742361814516206,0.0,0.07276565374851074,0.0,0.09379712136252932,0.1321857449956512,0.0,0.17877767986902598,0.0,0.0,0.1435043843776548,0.06841920470682519,0.09431511676928868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445927757214923,0.0,0.0,0.0964169168537576,0.0,0.0,0.0903843809896539,0.08580993121859792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157910192338807,0.09657137943776772,0.09240470244795504,0.0,0.1697830397076987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047014018729200684,0.0,0.09649997198934802,0.09058119805093257,0.092946323993461,0.0,0.06042389377636082,0.08358721899049035,0.0,0.07553896540983973,0.07570579877753424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181852592731426,0.077208891266178,0.08094599380204985,0.0,0.0,0.08594277388064657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828225426667772,0.0,0.12577277252318067,0.0,0.06597859362366927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861409018571265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617378416225679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098903849597463,0.08556946729486238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184472990722667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657744015335865,0.0681693391264242,0.0778781543262282,0.17848693169327245,0.0,0.0,0.07076479763754953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055012365154639,0.0,0.0683173994577324,0.0,0.0,0.08943158488284565,0.0,0.0935737863385293,0.0,0.0,0.08891537871896574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875955541037565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988274553169009,0.0,0.08108790608134818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738845514899779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227873780716814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353146862317707,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShanakinSkywalker,2018/11/30,"How do I help my brother? URGENT Hey guys, my brother, who is 27, has BPD, depression, suicide ideology, and pretty severe anger issues. My question, to those who have BPD or have family members/ loved ones who struggle, what are some good ways of diffusing his anger and calming him down when he gets worked up? (And by worked up, I mean screaming, punching and breaking things, etc.) He has done some very scary things in fits of rage, including attempting suicide.

Also, how should I go about trying to convince him to get help? I've managed to talk him into therapy a few times but he always gives up after a few weeks, even if he admits it's helping, and then we start the cycle all over again. My mom and I are terrified he's going to commit suicide. Have others with BPD found success with treatment, and if so, what helped? Please, any advice would be so appreciated. I don't know what to do to help him anymore and he's my best friend. I'm terrified of losing him",4.416004583651642,5.9122692139037465,5.079178762414057,82.43792780748663,70.76470588235293,7.695798319327732,27.79564553093965,8.192908349453996,1.8686351413292592,761,27,143,11,14,245,121,187,0.18,0.599,0.22,0.862,0,0,0,0,0,4,32.0,1,0,0,6,9,14,3,1,3,0,15,1,0,2,2,29,27,19,3,4,4,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,11,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,2,1,17,7,22,22,7,19,0,2,0,1,32,8,0,6,7,97,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344675404586745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284118166880297,0.0966003943994028,0.0,0.0,0.0789486253819106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513510896950732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218346083947896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386530114263158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999925095112198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880555900993048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947668600398685,0.07667969562313028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944409524176286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729224667306194,0.0896947593605508,0.0,0.12130975980365677,0.11136896520364226,0.1319590018906815,0.09737503256770387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495236695392035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38908037500721615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117308558785166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380281166667126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988068195252694,0.0,0.0,0.10478032896576862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264615603997416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359691371921552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866902071999769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743751885788202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181104182025638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005304258911304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115437849043798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217268466211278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136776905200206,0.0,0.3809674748982701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933128157770643,0.0,0.0,0.13276482480192464,0.0,0.15425680533404498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676959661097455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882092856710476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579058722028512,0.0,0.09215085894783877,0.09312445852932894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903718025197226,0.0,0.0,0.08247060336337687,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lunia-88,2018/11/30,"Cannabis Dependence and BPD Hi, newish to reddit posting.  

I have been medicating my BPD with cannabis after I got my PD diagnosis in 2008.  I opted to smoke, heavily (3 or for bongs in a row each hit, 2 grams a day) to quell a lot of the heavy emotion that I feel and my inner voice.   

I didn't realise I was self medicating when I started.  I remember the relief of not feeling for a few hours or not lashing out at a FP for a couple of hours that a bong gave me - NOT CARING HEAVILY, amazing.   I can be that ""loveable weirdo"" that so many of us are in our good moods.

Of course, my tolerance has been huge now, 10 years into the habit and the amount I smoke just exasperates my BPD after the initial high wears off. I find it very difficult to stop smoking because I haven't learnt to manage my BPD any other way.  Each time I quit smoking my body thanks me but the BPD just is overwhelming -

First quit attempt, I went to rehab after a partner left me (convinced he left because I smoked weed, despite him saying he felt like I was completely consuming his whole life and he wasn't living). A 28 day 12 step inpatient program was not the best place to find a new FP, which was my primary goal and led to some horrible situations.  I stayed clean though as I knew it would increase the chances of finding a new FP, but the moment the new one had to go to band practise, I went and bought a bag of weed after passively aggressively putting his band down.

Second quit attempt this partner was looking like he'd leave, I cheated on him after he supported me through withdrawals.  He wasn't able to fulfil my extreme emotional needs at the time (ie, give me attention during every waking moment) so I cheated

third quit attempt after partner left me (not even because of the cheating), I became obsessed with my drug counsellor and began to stalk him online (he would save me) but stayed clean.  Tried to woo my gay bestfriend/housemate (this is how delusional I get when someone is nice to me) ,cycling through sexual partners on tinder looking for a FP but not having much luck, gathering lots of experiences for the shame basket.  I was aggressive to a man who was on meth on the street which luckily didn't end badly, he just pushed me into a wall, went on 2 expensive drug benders with potentially new FPs and picked a fight with a man on the street and then took him home within a couple of months.  So again, I got some weed because it seems easier. 

Can anyone relate?  Anyone kicked a HEAVY cannabis habit and had BPD?  What helped?",6.764144512610768,6.457697793456037,6.917096114519428,77.72829584185415,64.93047034764825,9.862031356509883,34.062031356509884,9.348350401419415,2.960539740967961,1987,78,378,32,27,640,254,489,0.099,0.7879999999999999,0.113,0.8366,0,0,6,0,1,0,55.0,2,0,0,10,14,25,6,3,34,0,29,10,3,4,0,58,54,25,0,3,15,0,3,2,4,2,6,2,3,7,14,19,0,1,10,2,2,10,11,11,0,4,26,7,54,13,60,23,12,71,0,1,2,1,33,27,0,9,32,240,68,3,0.06936423409684722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047170057786795484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970021705585803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791623812487361,0.1691351731595752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279348425147646,0.0,0.0,0.07704802703436618,0.524170947809109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072145954560301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272707974076441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350041139868664,0.0,0.08946838526510699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088097973100002,0.0,0.0,0.15605085437656924,0.06143612301436097,0.0,0.0,0.045814422431295417,0.0,0.0584423588814793,0.0,0.0,0.06785153089970092,0.0,0.0,0.07014528184280769,0.0,0.06660054249745775,0.0,0.19019295997639185,0.059001182088042836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03623994941241807,0.06654049388319178,0.03942129273664032,0.05817942859663919,0.11095382910124932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046493383979814375,0.07328712168403696,0.06957798241309071,0.0,0.1366195964489209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344670850381144,0.226093329909703,0.0,0.04899400988671235,0.06777572211384095,0.0,0.061249889519195584,0.0,0.11649697362517428,0.0,0.0,0.1179419826813095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032444622716258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975433673006987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536586988270887,0.0,0.050990693212249534,0.05143270067179336,0.0,0.2679696381065445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700300018451187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247086120654787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643176221949824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697302137973437,0.0,0.2951096046973569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857615548240783,0.0,0.0,0.05516122303031081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631465935833296,0.07236202394035636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796830537233827,0.0,0.0,0.05877209045481105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049096361909502055,0.14786608868444234,0.0,0.057991605629765325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787137108497391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386126737761877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815000781869973,0.0,0.08089368542853194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706621632276145,0.0470937617638509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343663302562575,0.0,0.0,0.05723275754016141,0.0,0.0550581003867404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290401981490465,0.0,0.07744269022952226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854872349059852,0.0,0.0,0.04466829256262273
bpd,d3pressed5lyfe,2018/11/30,"Why do I let myself be loved Why do I let myself feel wanted, appreciated, and worthwhile when I’ll end up pushing the person away and end up missing how amazing all that felt? Loneliness is my greatest fear yet somehow I always bring it upon myself ",6.195,6.8493701666666675,7.120833333333334,72.50750000000002,66.08333333333334,8.066666666666668,32.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.519991666666667,200,8,33,2,3,67,37,48,0.133,0.583,0.285,0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,8,12,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,2,4,8,2,10,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471288289019512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311490087143616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358110485344375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27684703012922224,0.12439785963752854,0.0,0.2362230137145425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031553822325503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204757388545526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481993308857006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511218456948125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439994031996127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Forunikarasu,2018/11/30,"Absolutely confused (semi long post) I went to my VA appointment to see my psychiatrist today. Told her all the details about recent events spanning from late July of this year to now.

Since my diagnosis in February of this year, she tells me that going to school or work is a terrible idea as of now because I need to become “stable” again.  As of now, I’m told to literally do nothing except stay home (and care for my son). I have aspirations to continue college but every time I mention the idea, it’s struck down. Any time I feel the need to pursue my goals I’m told it’s “not time to”.

I also have depression, anxiety and cPTSD. On today’s visit, I also asked her about the idea of an ESA or service dog. Her response was along the lines of “we don’t issue such paperwork for problems like this.”

Am I asking the wrong person for advice here or do I just have an awful psychiatrist? I swear, every visit deflates me and makes me loathe the VA more...",3.9489133738601834,5.296361292553197,5.4641641337386035,79.80500000000002,71.71276595744679,8.137386018237082,26.19452887537993,8.634040054169528,1.8767465045592704,745,24,143,13,14,252,115,188,0.157,0.807,0.036000000000000004,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,2,11,7,0,1,10,1,9,0,0,1,1,22,24,11,0,3,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,5,2,23,2,28,19,2,26,0,1,1,0,16,4,0,4,17,95,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491060871261847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444566463594493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692642584989115,0.0,0.09778694792610236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23900110622392096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792186811980117,0.14117436296116298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032766966225448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009680563182002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539873445844096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463293588051773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264676451038148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822043501311225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329017902292599,0.0,0.13341769015484778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419389704097146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062449587293073615,0.0,0.0,0.1131224593053483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532520341715055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956350918263398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226530059865432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116131981822457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242248416891582,0.0,0.0,0.12231272880281928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621328030414028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936727580524354,0.10186119710409552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573942908294656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624607639700342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172602409044276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361003817010836,0.0,0.24232921398262214,0.3664311907179325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849647680016415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305923848557927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975824737265155,0.0,0.16463219268614138
bpd,selfsunset,2018/11/30,"Sudden doubt/second guessing in relationship. Anyone else? In every relationship I’ve been in I’ve had feelings of sudden doubt/second guessing especially when things are going great. Everything is going perfectly and then all of a sudden I feel the need to destroy it. It’s like I convince myself there are things I dislike about him/our marriage. Does anyone else experience this? My husband is everything I could ever ask for, and things are going so well I feel the need to ruin it...? Is this just the BPD?",3.7635106382978702,6.635220031914897,4.897276595744682,76.69400000000002,77.40425531914894,6.7387234042553175,25.35744680851064,7.908726449838941,1.946148085106384,409,15,65,7,10,134,58,94,0.099,0.737,0.16399999999999998,0.7651,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,3,14,20,5,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,3,7,5,9,17,1,12,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,7,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673479614282087,0.3175958619993729,0.0,0.0,0.14488775724425088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951950883559334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374095009180422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562626839171754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25893605665406844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019058368533802,0.1305794774008032,0.0,0.2785766338722476,0.15160266654697235,0.0,0.0,0.23509149238161356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642404534587949,0.0,0.0,0.17086880155424852,0.34146148952117833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571664237608368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22983518473834466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33278650264962883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30889054635575786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393479194322157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,allie18023,2018/11/30,"How can I tell if I have BPD? My best friend has bpd and I've been reading into it and I relate to a lot of the stuff I'm seeing and it's kind of scary. Some things I noticed:

-Im very clingy and if I'm texting someone I get upset if they're not responding within like 2 minutes and feel like I'm being ignored and they're not texting me

-I want to talk to my friends 24/7 and feel like shit if I'm not talking to anyone, I'll spend literally over 24 hours with my friends and call with them overnight yet still get sad when it's over 

-I get really into certain people, I'll idolize them as gods who can do no wrong and get really overly clingy then get upset when I'm not the most important person in their life

-Recently I've been going through these phases where I think everything is beautiful and love life for 2 weeks then go into depressive episodes where I want to die and feel like I'll never get better",5.205085227272729,4.8597749062500055,5.84435606060606,84.24988636363638,68.16666666666666,8.85681818181818,28.91287878787879,8.296473431620573,1.7797020833333332,730,22,156,9,11,238,110,192,0.19899999999999998,0.675,0.126,-0.9094,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,3,2,7,19,1,2,3,0,9,4,1,1,2,37,30,21,1,6,8,0,3,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,7,16,0,1,4,1,1,2,6,7,0,0,2,4,16,12,20,27,4,22,0,2,1,1,14,10,1,7,14,89,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635551425607649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296077960076496,0.1092275387389813,0.0,0.0,0.3110930507739841,0.0,0.1261094150326273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063721461887785,0.0,0.1281756432898251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099569107450644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873390621454689,0.2646896961893425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862521633382124,0.0,0.3871483844251036,0.0,0.14037813740904115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162465479758927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340342147191522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860839396315546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446631945949165,0.2413474792786464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499703777942772,0.11146543401037877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952524049115355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060791768322567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562078036269119,0.10783723801526504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353548475623508,0.0,0.15823716845837982,0.0,0.12194338815219034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841515461906604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677309325020245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464289749196587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986289073205793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138031491902014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985325606816717,0.10794624693638444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082049283130382,0.07913513539603764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190213644114796,0.14568943357674688,0.0,0.0990659056848765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503011858787753,0.0,0.0
bpd,letsgivethisago123,2018/11/30,"I think Bpd gf and cutting advice So the girl I’m dating [f33] told me [m34] that she cuts herself when we first started dating. I admired her honesty and courage. We’ve been dating for just about 6 months

I said it was cool but i got her some help (referral to a good psychologist) but i said to her that if she didn’t pursue treatment to address it there’s not going to be a future for us. I have a 5 year old boy. The way I saw it was that her cutting is not great but her not addressing it was worse. At first she though she could control it on her own. But it became obvious that she couldn’t so she went to the psych.

I have seen her in a state when she wants to cut. She dissociates from her thoughts and feels an intense physical feeling. Words don’t affect her because it’s like no one else is there.

There are two complicating factors for her. First our relationship was quite intense and, not to toot my own horn, but I ticked a lot of boxes for her in terms of an ideal “forever” parter. This was in the context of her prior on/off 6 year relationship where her ex did love her but could never say it nor could he hear her express it too. Second, when she had times she got on top of her cutting she had real difficulty in dealing with negative emotions. I find it really hard to be honest around her because the slightest thing can set her into a cutting state or make her really upset. For example when I am not 100% committing to a lifetime together or I hold off introducing her to family. 

The shit thing is I’m getting to the point where I don’t know if I can keep going anymore. I want to help her but I have done real life shit to deal with (custody battle for my son with ex wife) etc etc.

I realised she has bpd when she showed me a handout from her psych that sad something like “manual for treating borderline personality disorder”

Please I need some help. Thanks in advance and I apologise for sounding or bejng selfish or insensitive. I just don’t know what to do...",3.6000166251039047,4.889243037406487,4.807039900249379,84.40598794679967,72.49127182044887,7.8404322527015795,27.331753948462186,8.344100000000001,1.7599066666666667,1562,56,321,25,30,516,203,401,0.153,0.7070000000000001,0.14,-0.8049,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,0,8,18,24,9,1,17,1,32,4,2,3,3,60,60,27,0,10,20,4,3,2,1,0,1,5,2,3,19,11,0,3,7,1,0,4,14,12,0,6,20,11,63,12,43,34,8,44,0,1,2,1,62,15,2,9,23,230,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976501476699854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991034118819004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895862057738296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218324369249678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25171592142892096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207965732059794,0.2393572056540567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604626850001573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452809531335605,0.0,0.0,0.10226277938850806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347844282459486,0.11240746391043843,0.0,0.0,0.2228960645801785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420482896888488,0.0,0.10105491916379837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913339367049129,0.2550004588977383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220914453774563,0.0,0.11358470437857647,0.08381629240587599,0.1598458219309345,0.1101728485817602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951738426511162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262803615282332,0.0,0.20094231727204875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882211010112308,0.0,0.0,0.10983750100935867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058330337466187,0.09764120892451053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495665861452313,0.09019045703396812,0.0,0.06670385165463208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797629342764442,0.0,0.0,0.07409660738709886,0.07707194619415436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485941163933707,0.0,0.06771495187297298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725476079850868,0.0,0.10969280381647058,0.0944658679616152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628753803421248,0.0,0.2274837551892453,0.12803505113247424,0.0,0.0,0.21457420332424326,0.0,0.0,0.1901120594148847,0.07946810944171682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515280492750787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693076626499787,0.0,0.0,0.07073075698975237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200184307484804,0.0,0.0,0.13277770656954635,0.06403091767577937,0.09818042425952662,0.07933302065954134,0.05826981250257975,0.0,0.0,0.09548711208567398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761679791908304,0.0,0.12020312677050934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178822539558162,0.07931954563049258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926358343551976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183690296484432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870290276162236
bpd,TrashCanSweetPotato,2018/11/30,"My Emotions are Ruining everything Hey,

I was wondering if anyone else out there has advice on emotions. 

I'm literally flying off the handle all the time. Slight criticism from my girlfriend about my appearance or my actions make me shut down or get angry. 

I'm jealous of her friendship with her ex boyfriend so I get cold whenever she brings him up. I worry about them even though I have no reason to. 

I don't know what to do. I'm pushing her and many others away with these reactions. 

Any advice would be amazing. ",3.121212121212121,5.6802648080808105,4.123525252525255,83.13195454545458,77.68686868686869,7.192323232323233,27.07171717171717,8.238735603445708,2.1268456565656573,412,17,74,8,10,133,76,99,0.155,0.7809999999999999,0.064,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,1,14,18,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,1,16,1,14,15,1,12,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,5,1,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200445929855185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615642154866398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028061016350966,0.2202161386915468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192918349030556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795423221367007,0.4835235640028351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195598547160235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316079956090945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457896266162145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811720081044873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346415692850187,0.2179002929021384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097877350681244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111627956089324,0.0,0.12532454000329032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330770764712991,0.0,0.21826684705160784,0.0,0.15267660725239438,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,light21990,2018/11/30,"Ex wants to be just friends while I still love her... My ex-girlfriend wants me as just a friend, but she keeps saying she loves me and wants me. She says she does not want a relationship with me and only wants me as a friend.. This is killing me and she doesn't seem to care about the pain I'm in. I love her so much and see her as 'the one'. Our relationship was unhealthy and she keeps saying we should just work on ourselves and every time I bring up a relationship that I should 'drop it'. I want her in my life, but this is killing me. When she wasn't in my life, I was completely dead and broken. We had an argument last night about all of this and she hasn't messaged me back since. All she kept saying to my long messages was ""I know"" or ""same"" and I got fed up with it and stopped with the long messages. I don't know what to do... I still love her so much, but wish I didn't... I'm in so much pain",1.4088402061855696,2.7021885824742284,2.4593685567010333,99.02606314432992,78.12371134020619,5.880927835051548,19.8569587628866,6.322622252153567,-0.32960721649484537,691,15,177,5,16,219,89,194,0.221,0.66,0.11900000000000001,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,0,1,12,12,2,0,8,0,15,9,0,0,2,42,39,22,3,9,8,1,0,0,3,2,4,4,0,0,7,15,1,4,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,9,5,40,8,20,27,6,20,0,0,1,4,35,7,0,2,11,123,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095165038117631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073370978308602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038111661218598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212876663393273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887005617959931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440106563129625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419977532611453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715038339225107,0.23294719544358894,0.0,0.11571516597244365,0.08581495003153355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487207664017488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633397670337248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800670484637824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23217251429563696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879549850419536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133853941314147,0.08006803672420237,0.22404467684676532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33908486613721417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33488254518030464,0.0,0.0,0.08389227941437975,0.09584038758092664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708636833197869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814897834179768,0.08801643358105428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138796825270702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725712381386235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106355742524287,0.0,0.0,0.07664303836075499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Melkoroth,2018/11/30,"How to stop drinikng ? Idk... damn,

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Im drunk and yet i can type....but it makes no sense...im a lightweight so i get drunk fast so... i dont destroy my liver...but when i dont drink often  i get suicidal.... i rather be hangover than suicidal...even now i drunk a bit from drinking two extra strong beers... idk how they are called in Enlglish.... craft beers ? idk... every time i want to get drunk i dont eat a day before so i can get drunk from only two strong beers....and im a guy so :D ... i dont think this drinking is making any damage.... i just want the voices to be silent.... to leave me alone....i was laughtin half hour ago because i was with friends but now im emotional...

​

Every drinking session ends with my being in my dark room .... ",-0.9108874458874467,1.1985527922077956,0.9345779220779242,99.79091450216451,99.0,3.3458874458874464,17.455627705627705,5.148860815047168,-0.7113541125541123,566,17,128,3,24,183,89,154,0.11699999999999999,0.785,0.098,0.2878,0,1,7,0,0,0,71.0,0,0,1,2,13,6,2,0,5,0,13,12,0,4,0,15,22,9,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,12,1,1,11,0,0,5,3,0,3,2,1,18,3,11,17,2,14,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,1,11,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771658276894542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144328253823257,0.2404794223840462,0.06729198463473594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060321324625521186,0.0,0.08420240472324945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080319326133698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104290455609942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381702174042662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463892517290002,0.38774825001422,0.0,0.10125445232440676,0.0,0.11130971836423204,0.0876437053477051,0.0,0.0,0.06535805879718584,0.0,0.1667457069332286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645146878123457,0.0,0.2067971279616883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797983021705824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744957093966247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275483850196719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477779786595784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210487423508402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752588321652318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272981671169885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823940819393713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340560639970523,0.0,0.0,0.057700762860075985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933269892584468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673104286399873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404794223840462,0.0
bpd,le_grah,2018/11/30,"Does anyone have a technique or something to remember to be easy on yourself when something goes wrong? I’ve been making incredible progress this year, I’m starting to feel about as emotionally in control as I think I ever will, but as soon as I lose the slightest bit of that control I just shut down completely. 

I blew up at my bf this morning because HE didn’t sleep... I realized pretttyyyy quickly that the fact that I didn’t sleep either was NOT a good excuse for getting angry. He understands that I don’t mean it and knows that I am working on controlling outbursts like that, but I still feel like the worst fucking person alive right now. I know that that’s not true and I know that it’s not really a big deal when it comes down to it, but while I am thinking of all the things I can do to shower him wth gifts/surprises for when he comes back from work... I don’t even want to let myself eat because I don’t think I deserve it. 

I know it is okay and that he will really appreciate the gesture, but how am I suppose to feel like I deserve to make him happy? How am I suppose to feel like I deserve anything at all? 

I know that once I get going and doing something else, I might distract myself from this and when I remember again it will just be a memory of one of those irrational thoughts, but does anyone have a good way to feel better after it’s happened? Like instead of sitting in my bed all morning doing literally nothing and feeling angry and awful and sad and so on, maybe some kind of mantra to remind yourself that you are worth it? I don’t know. I just don’t want to let myself keep falling down this whole. ",6.699935633827997,5.707233018237082,6.985610584659398,79.44890756302523,65.32218844984803,9.564884677275165,34.246558197747184,8.4952907291091,2.610416627927767,1289,49,258,15,17,419,160,329,0.154,0.72,0.127,-0.9073,1,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,8,20,18,1,1,10,2,29,4,2,7,6,63,61,27,0,2,13,0,6,5,1,4,0,0,2,1,27,11,1,4,21,0,1,4,10,6,0,1,5,6,36,12,39,48,8,35,0,2,0,1,11,14,1,3,20,187,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062171240571058,0.0,0.07686424860777458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182257875185742,0.0,0.11387748242601507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260901619807609,0.10197392534067856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609200480880862,0.09793322808450304,0.0,0.3142845090105356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962963185842994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347846067918487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955764995771492,0.07802778263036388,0.10506790571625316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061693035077399726,0.08449005157468108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28336984972791224,0.2001853713120952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635129631976453,0.09760037785726956,0.0,0.05308413959043395,0.15668714517041424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259761721612145,0.09943121994759599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302253929560305,0.0,0.09726679757473354,0.3079972396500751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910256139300092,0.0,0.2281645047493322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449615641349544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469695076732355,0.0,0.09383774541652108,0.10174528495820694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908780540042247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962449098535638,0.0,0.0,0.09947313712048253,0.0632935565972631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155752885036488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196751017484101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161901685841392,0.07976724780304878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694464983500808,0.0,0.0,0.21572289460378005,0.0,0.0,0.06611244705742716,0.0,0.07459324906985695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205404458811,0.17955020566901733,0.0,0.07415303259117664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723776276834713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018522359082372,0.07414043740370095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428320060092107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599971421279292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212356135122908,0.0,0.06014967326164585
bpd,naiiiya,2018/11/30,"Never here, never there -----
All you want is love 
Yet here you sit
An enigma
Unknown to them
And a mystery unfolding 
that never quiet unfolds
to your own self.

All you want is to be loved
Yet there you are
A floating mirage
An oasis in the desert
That seems so close
Yet is so far
Never here, never there.

All you want is to feel
Yet you fear honest touch
For it overwhelms you
With the pain of the other 
And in doing so 
Nullifies the importance 
of your own.

All you want is to be felt
In the ways you, yourself, feel
So the pain you've carried
Is no longer just your own
And you can be touched
Stripped naked, bare
Truly unmasked.

All you want is to know
Each and every intricate stride
In the spiral staircases that 
Make up the Other
So you can truly cherish
Each and every step.

All you want is to be known
Yet you are forever lost
In the labyrinth of steps
That build up to the 
Spiral staircases
That are your own.
-----

I wrote this whilst crying profusely, my eyes have begun to ache. There once was a time I could write or paint my feelings and I'd feel a little better but lately I'm feeling like such a fraud, nothing feels good anymore. My heart feels a bit fuller reading some of the posts here and it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Any words of advice for when you find yourself spiralling into a complete lack of interest in anything? When nothing matters at all.",1.9961273209549084,4.42486345421246,2.7341265630920826,92.22725274725276,81.12454212454212,5.2307187065807765,21.501705191360365,6.48374012150746,0.3763488442591889,1085,33,217,10,29,339,140,273,0.092,0.774,0.134,0.7436,0,1,0,1,0,0,28.0,0,19,1,2,22,14,0,2,20,0,21,6,2,1,12,55,45,16,0,8,4,0,10,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,10,12,0,0,13,1,0,2,7,5,0,0,4,12,25,9,29,36,16,34,0,2,1,2,25,13,0,3,17,158,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908796157912078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561969619339572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591530215932157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071144740373487,0.0,0.0,0.09186569862519983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873166164027412,0.12187598347286607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170466709758992,0.0,0.0,0.08913108096302844,0.0,0.12262527899126165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811379682612928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561987198616925,0.3951203752125503,0.0797517238648127,0.10718664646377836,0.0,0.10203192945296316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363373946526997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228744448082438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270282611910925,0.0,0.1259286017614304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453898791680906,0.11188711714173234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186226651821598,0.0,0.20150902679584914,0.0,0.07451690939650744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304971219127104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142326667450153,0.0,0.0,0.11888712114580052,0.0,0.0,0.23757400160137476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691501216013294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166473054626293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016278749090761,0.11645915163220345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509498673761649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39506959581418605,0.08861028634032568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,funkychilli123,2018/11/30,"I (34F) have problems in all of my relationships and I don’t know what to do. It’s something I thought would always sort itself out as I become older and more ‘adult’ but it seems to be getting worse. A new diagnosis of mild Borderline Personality Disorder gives a name to the insanity but I still have no idea how to approach things differently. I’ve started seeing a psychiatrist but it’s all very new and I can’t shake the feeling that it won’t help.

Example 1: I had a rough time of it in my late teens and moved to a new country for a fresh start. A long story short, I had a fling with a guy which didn’t last but his family ended up taking me in for half a year. I got back on my feet, ended up moving back home and we’ve kept in touch over the years intermittently for birthdays, Xmas and they came to my country and stayed with my family. Now their son is getting married and I’m not invited to the wedding. This feels heartbreaking and I just can’t get over it. I keep thinking I did something wrong.

Example 2: I had a group of friends who I was close with and as they became more serious with partners and love interests, I got phased out. I keep thinking it’s my fault for being single.

Example 3: A friend has some serious issues stemming from being molested as a child, and I feel like I’ve been there for her but she is all over the place, particularly with her relationships, regularly cheating on her boyfriends and the like. Even though I find this completely unethical, I find myself self-critical, even jealous, for not being more carefree like that.

Example 4: I was cheated on by an ex years ago who subsequently left me for the other girl. Years of therapy and friends’ advice means I know logically that he was the asshole but I can’t help thinking what did she have that I didn’t and how did I turn him away.

These are only 4 of the 40,000 thoughts I have that are all relatively the same. I don’t know how it’s happened but I think I hate myself, every piece. I had so much confidence in my 20s that things were hard but they could get better but now I can’t shake that feeling that I’m a fraud, withstanding every social situation with gritted teeth until I can get home alone again. I can’t even bring myself to date even though a partner is something I want.

I swing between feeling like the victim and then feeling like everything’s my fault. I can’t seem to ever truly get over anything. I know this is fucking up all my relationships. Please help.",3.4960699797160264,5.2225959269776885,4.702754056795133,83.29835015212984,73.50304259634888,7.850892494929006,26.92946247464503,8.548686976883017,1.8795736713995943,1964,72,394,36,40,647,235,493,0.157,0.7090000000000001,0.134,-0.9356,1,1,3,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,4,1,19,27,7,2,27,0,42,4,2,3,6,81,87,36,0,4,12,2,9,5,5,2,0,0,2,7,29,26,0,3,23,0,0,7,14,16,0,1,20,10,61,11,53,60,13,57,0,1,1,2,38,22,1,4,32,274,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734761699007612,0.06665264298743226,0.0,0.0,0.07787561815625968,0.0,0.0,0.06256527170888779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187611889091558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706447993466598,0.1156350970027584,0.0,0.0,0.08304299839280395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650068660421032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599893512662286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883675667278868,0.0,0.0,0.060034217831891785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855901366001974,0.08617586343129778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331945321678547,0.0,0.0,0.19865285317077827,0.06801492984094255,0.126704001946622,0.0,0.0675771856784433,0.0,0.14176752793416375,0.0,0.2281141991166448,0.16115026244173036,0.0,0.0,0.1374471623681581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427807697307476,0.06951324151662876,0.23570643153924706,0.07213044637369123,0.0,0.0,0.1202748695252016,0.0,0.0,0.0744513116821836,0.06649151036460041,0.0,0.06735672901964032,0.07423594467161122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119763970077282,0.0,0.15084621818548902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488194295385883,0.0,0.07848029059035727,0.0,0.1336671496860464,0.0,0.0,0.16529291717844002,0.0612910300435993,0.08481917898591583,0.0,0.08169568061381938,0.0,0.0,0.1836736100107868,0.0,0.0,0.06654202653542955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786317791193704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190548223257223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983312602717875,0.05527433368258439,0.0,0.0,0.21786098002013807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057186451108947885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565423383432413,0.07855901366001974,0.08253758219955247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194801894864038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218228537229206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059917814041997974,0.13690286068929156,0.07844103316221539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451828865862432,0.0,0.07664816745202277,0.0,0.173658049298173,0.0,0.0,0.10644172572789463,0.08014403228704317,0.06004795248124365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653457823354785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598792363902243,0.0,0.0999076556433728,0.19271846272868715,0.14775034561548606,0.11938715186424108,0.04384471243192016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178665595772254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062040783102932165,0.044349838308562615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662646460812414,0.05341381615992126,0.08220999669140347,0.0,0.1936831960970147
bpd,c7f7throwaway,2018/11/30,"irresponsible to reach out for help This is one of the toughest feelings for me - for a week straight when every night feels like the worst night, feels like i don't deserve to live and i need to die more than anything else. Everyone says that you need to reach out if you need help for suicidality. but when every night is a crisis, and every morning you feel perfectly happy and normal, that is so irrresponsible to put your continuing (fleeting) crises on someone else. 

​

I want to reach out to my ex so bad, just to talk about this experience, but i know that telling him i'm suicidal again would stress him, especially when i know that suicide is not an option for me. it's not fair for him to wonder if i'm going to die that night.

even if i won't kill myself, it doesn't dilute the scorching pain of my brain on fire. and i feel i have to carry that weight alone

​

​",7.455391414141418,6.539696534090911,7.25598484848485,77.8713383838384,63.77272727272727,9.86767676767677,32.62373737373738,8.841846274778883,2.4222457070707075,714,23,143,9,9,227,98,176,0.249,0.617,0.135,-0.9858,0,1,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,4,0,1,9,9,1,1,6,0,9,3,1,0,1,31,24,14,6,9,8,1,7,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,7,1,0,8,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,0,8,20,4,26,22,2,18,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,5,12,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696804195762863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043303861844671,0.3412966058394647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704601561878241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817359131119865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451730197939672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433749581787646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642460228590346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061838925511367826,0.0,0.2366511997177373,0.0894634172969405,0.0,0.09158394982346693,0.0,0.0,0.23669996415191286,0.1337725104030866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320967188353568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996663528732161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551073466049886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358302164120343,0.0,0.10290852841833564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148162541091034,0.0,0.08267325341134826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826692405395733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35144569961879546,0.09173335732317174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344323191195259,0.0,0.09962440014022338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941197393325682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445495503523447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932879497133648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724798140977178,0.0,0.0,0.30723412646648024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525283215069582,0.0818330330713478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055222893682713804,0.0,0.07510093001131488,0.11401094175945267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153313312174042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650904723632016,0.0,0.3412966058394647,0.0
bpd,ReignSigma,2018/11/30,"Feel really lonely emotionally. BPD Yandere wanting a best friend forever! Hi! I'm looking for a best friend, who wants to spend everyday together and wants to hang out all the time. I have BPD and I have a lot of problems with my family. I have to get a restraining order on my parent because of the type of abuse I get sent almost daily and I'm going to move house soon.  I wasn't allowed any normality growing up, so I never had any friends and I'm hoping to make a best friend who can relate and who can understand where I'm coming from! I am possessive as a friend, and obsessive, since I only care about best friends, and  I am not looking for help and I don't think my yandere tendencies are an issue! Please don't message me if you have an issue with that, or are just looking for a one sided friendship. 

​

I enjoy gaming and anime, hopefully when we talk we can play video games together? I use discord to communicate with others. Please message me if you are looking for something similar to me! ",3.4049512267218454,5.36832535678392,4.9260478864912844,80.59473544191549,74.32663316582915,7.898433343186519,28.288796925805503,8.671277953709913,2.3568466449896537,802,33,148,16,17,269,113,199,0.105,0.654,0.24100000000000002,0.9858,2,2,1,0,1,0,23.0,2,2,0,4,6,18,0,1,11,0,16,0,0,3,2,39,40,15,0,9,5,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,16,0,1,3,4,1,6,5,3,0,1,3,5,22,15,23,37,6,17,0,1,4,0,22,5,0,7,5,103,27,1,0.0,0.11784531445610773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995960723862154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107766220287502,0.12085630248561008,0.1352741181635873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063065340894061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175137726004649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505359192489626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140737073626538,0.0,0.0,0.08567705796023037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188051650200699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376321247154593,0.0,0.050290595294110264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610610793170485,0.0,0.10392879358375937,0.0,0.0565261191317689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666677775483934,0.0,0.0,0.19757492201102486,0.0,0.11476492587942405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076234034318387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33408959232362084,0.0,0.0,0.08455839599451072,0.0,0.0,0.06639115514375081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571156578703546,0.0,0.0,0.07671064578849683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745090508650917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739751549321484,0.07564476074255927,0.0,0.0,0.11043994508376152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183571645619237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095170981477804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371742210319485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227537187032914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765701276872582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994318334576031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373075143276527,0.0,0.0,0.05799665335798339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354266650562358,0.0,0.08590258366095874,0.0,0.0,0.1759944624696679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085630248561008,0.0
bpd,Chaz2810,2018/11/30,"EVERYONE FUCKING LEAVES I can’t keep doing this, I’m so tired of putting my all into other people to then just fuck it up again. I’m so fucking broken",-1.1008333333333304,0.7010222500000012,1.6087500000000006,93.02791666666668,107.75,3.3833333333333333,17.833333333333332,5.46131890053228,-0.2098291666666668,120,4,24,1,6,41,27,32,0.304,0.696,0.0,-0.8982,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,8,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617332401569949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7596775863610042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434642557153655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900316912555646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989506610388732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27535572731902885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148198490185281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nxi203,2018/11/30,"Finding old friend dhil Hey Dhil, I left discord but I forgot your username and couldn't find it again. Your ex- pokemon go friend, we talked about food recipes lol. Hope to hear from you soon. ",1.1298198198198186,3.7152371621621607,0.20959459459459487,104.54340090090092,96.29729729729729,2.466666666666667,19.68018018018018,3.1291,-0.9193387387387388,153,5,32,0,6,42,33,37,0.040999999999999995,0.647,0.311,0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,3,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129661882098608,0.0,0.3393287997071689,0.0,0.4336151642717049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948374433992882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31628098204907695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787206059249729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048962318001963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29446520443077595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255530436242123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bscho16,2018/11/30,"i’m so sick of feeling everything so powerfully. although feeling happiness and love at its full potential is an experience unmatched by any other, the feeling of heartbreak and the ever looming fear of abandonment is driving me insane. 

i’ve learned (through therapy) many ways to cope with and control my BPD as best as i possibly can, but jesus christ i’m so fucking sick of how intense life feels. i’m stressed beyond belief. i’m in constant fucking fear. no one in my life even knows what goes through my head all day. it’s almost 4:30 in the morning and i just want my brain to stop. 

i wish emotions had a fucking dimmer for christ’s sake. i wish my brain could just be muted. i want to sleep, and i want to wake up and be okay. ",2.27581609195402,4.698397593103451,3.4793103448275886,87.33505747126438,79.9655172413793,6.073563218390802,28.97701149425287,7.3011,1.7876114942528734,581,28,112,8,15,188,93,145,0.192,0.645,0.16399999999999998,-0.8228,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,9,12,3,3,5,1,7,13,5,2,2,30,25,14,0,6,3,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,1,4,12,4,21,21,3,13,4,2,0,4,1,7,3,1,4,70,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480685072112422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154918169360647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127996081689415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695546694627941,0.3005706188218258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548110765940772,0.1509926677869157,0.10748659747815936,0.0,0.0,0.08682157541008716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143428576382087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891812052272757,0.12177544157883582,0.0,0.0,0.12099169470426628,0.13168845708442095,0.0,0.3029796670150584,0.27228048697341656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37337415627979226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331013521915414,0.0,0.0,0.13816343313411375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398602787039031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190178334454896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150374155343988,0.0,0.0,0.1364879715486595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122495086790157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517687389270731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347215847320003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125519935654934,0.15421175025203632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539546890083811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382148076873031,0.1068585512189374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30962274161662223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d_louizse,2018/11/30,"Discourse Surrounding a Popular YouTuber (Emma Blackery) and BPD A YouTuber going by the name of 'The Rewired Soul' posted a video critiquing Emma Blackery for the way she discussed (along with her reluctancy to discuss) her BPD in a Q&A she did. He explains that he finds it selfish that she doesn't openly discuss it, whilst Emma states that she keeps it fairly private due to her wanting to avoid people expecting her to become a spokesperson or otherwise known as 'the BPD girl'.

The responses were very mixed - some people agreed with the video by stating that Emma could help a lot of people, since she has 1.4 million subscribers, whilst others found the video to be hypocritical, judgemental and exploitative.

https://youtu.be/-Ali9raxnfE 

Thoughts? ",12.17142857142857,11.629547095238097,9.550793650793654,63.991428571428614,54.23809523809523,11.574603174603176,44.80952380952381,10.504223727775694,5.054057142857143,618,30,85,10,6,181,81,126,0.084,0.858,0.057999999999999996,-0.5106,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,13,0,6,0,0,0,0,20,12,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,2,5,3,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,0,9,1,15,6,2,11,1,0,0,0,18,3,0,3,3,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832782312468486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021574372644152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6916115738303075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146145537371644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672986684089949,0.0,0.0,0.20069802045059104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402797952068908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226903650474214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626976924601971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556172477773287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806984599102594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753053114179081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514156788303793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531628873159724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510302609575935,0.10796394433088197,0.1452916061820657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Reichsverweser,2018/11/30,"How to react to a family member with BPD?-Seeking advice how to be supportive. My aunt (ca.30 years old) has probaply BPD (we didn't talk about illnesses, her husband just told us she has ""problems"", the BPD is my diagnois (yes I shouldn't label people, but I wanted to understand her so i looked up some symptoms like dependency and the need of validation). Since she became mother of my cousin two years ago, she constantly needs validation and my family can't stand her reaction to criticism. She was inpatient after giving brith (postpartum depression), but had an eating disorder and once spend time in inpatient care as a teen while her parents divorced.

Every time we meet as a family and want to have diner at a good local restaurant, it tends to escalate. My Grandmother sees her as a ""week woman, that doesn't know how to be a good mother"", and that her son shouldn't have married her. My Grandfather is always obsessed with my two year old cousin, plays with her and talks in an annoying voice to the child (I understand why he is so excited, since he is close to death, and likes to spend the time he has with his loved ones. Thats the reason why we meet for diner).

Her Husband, my uncle, is very understanding and caring, but he constantly validates her and corrects her. He is most likely her FP, and as such very important to her. Since he is conically ill, she is worried that he will die before her (and she has good reasons to believe that, since out of the 3 children with that illness 2 are already dead).

My mother has some understanding for her actions, but alway stresses out that ""she has gone through worse shit"" (my dad died from the same illnesses mentioned above). She also makes comments behind her back like ""look at her eyes, that's the medication"". If she says such things to me, I always tend to ask her if she wanted to be talked about behind her back like that. 

I try to see the person and not the illness, when thinking about my aunt. I try to defend her and her actions, try to explain why she seeks validation, but I don't have any support from others in my family. Even her husband said once to me taht ""he would be better of without her...AND HIS CHILD"". 

I also get very annoyed when she commands her child. The two! year old girl should eat with fork and spoon, should only eat some healthy food, every ml of liquid is measured, the child is over controlled and measured. Every time she tries to command her child I get very angry, since I don't like that kind of parenting and know the possible future effects from it. Usually if some thing like this happens I try to understand why she wants to controll, but sometimes I get so angry that I just want to change the topic, or defend the child and its actions (""It's a two year old, it's OK if she makes a mess"").

I see the future effects of such ""protective"" parenting, I know the possible outcomes. Plus I have to live with the fact that I didn't do anything, knowing the harm being done to the child. 

​

So this holiday season, it's the season it will escalate again. And I'm not really looking forward to having diner with them, but I will be there trying to prevent further harm and escalation.

​

I would like to hear form you BPD-folk if my reaction is appropriate and what in that situation would you want to change if it was you instead of my aunt. I would like to do better than last year, so please give me feedback.

​

(Sorry for the bad english, since it is not my first language)",7.544452274183217,6.8913847264574,7.4391603672859326,75.77211659192827,63.46935724962631,10.515669442664956,34.0619688234038,9.819183407551806,3.135587196241726,2758,100,514,48,35,883,283,669,0.113,0.75,0.13699999999999998,0.8846,3,0,0,0,1,0,114.0,4,3,1,7,26,34,3,2,32,2,53,17,2,13,2,105,99,52,4,23,20,16,0,9,0,11,7,4,0,11,28,35,7,4,15,2,2,5,12,11,0,6,9,11,88,23,77,73,7,51,0,1,7,1,101,14,1,13,42,352,116,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730909154026079,0.042915628192809314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342547815494352,0.07743248362133949,0.12085167900755248,0.15736795340081616,0.1764830289770877,0.03292282601281372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039840168271156134,0.0,0.045260067696030866,0.0,0.0,0.07445395421072104,0.040423232884732055,0.0,0.0,0.04119630496279157,0.054545412276862236,0.0,0.08563557611394187,0.0,0.0,0.2439003289430191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987215372309303,0.0,0.1024300831529577,0.0,0.0,0.10463554358469153,0.10859966716898299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169845867863345,0.0,0.10049109577694808,0.0,0.055486041489895915,0.0,0.0,0.04954379800430613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861722692505042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031976646401423864,0.0,0.12237133280163034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255967793455571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04118048066031295,0.05854177119900045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588213404005241,0.09288524143111272,0.0,0.12182078812811625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042811879752818895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456550962279273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041518850132765,0.10642712814662583,0.03946344719445527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287142422202948,0.0,0.04274998909390846,0.0,0.12196538780013827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043695055150330765,0.0,0.06463274658184523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877148691969888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179596273721739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320720951159726,0.10311755056794933,0.03280622644452485,0.03682063251296167,0.0,0.0,0.16127231784843118,0.0,0.0,0.03356381063939335,0.042272782626922814,0.0,0.053143461847076696,0.0,0.1091578470379518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632516119415177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0310149144620802,0.09955423970567592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046052305277418236,0.03850034182042733,0.0,0.0,0.1157378243817186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969574066010311,0.2402887816234628,0.05441877904601584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047882168840619264,0.05419492627451447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055457476831099216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987808490047396,0.0,0.050320142060370214,0.0,0.116738762089882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432752867751494,0.03102140260932185,0.0,0.0,0.11292115616802895,0.0,0.0,0.04626115407263027,0.0,0.19721744652272052,0.0,0.18917173762925166,0.2520006961084032,0.058235454461678327,0.0,0.05332060751433596,0.1597847623799822,0.1713331462298078,0.0,0.038834372743886604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747425389077112,0.0,0.0,0.046668866292574385,0.0,0.0,0.049166238155693216,0.04933747136586583,0.13756618624173533,0.0,0.1764830289770877,0.18706015977029766
bpd,Valerianne_,2018/11/30,"Shitpoem I'm only awake 'cuz I never laid, 

I'm only alive 'cuz I never died. 

​

​

​

​

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​",4.421690821256043,3.299048173913043,3.3631884057971,75.50198067632851,154.21739130434784,2.761352657004831,32.99033816425121,5.033348758259628,2.634897584541063,120,7,12,1,9,35,11,23,0.0,0.755,0.245,0.6729999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5232870728164505,0.5868493911208359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835393900359449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416286903704102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243764114973875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5868493911208359,0.0
bpd,looselipscauzwars,2018/11/30,"BF struggling with my dissociation Title pretty much gets to the point.

I'm going through a pretty heavy period of dissociation currently brought on by family and work stress and fear that i'll never get where I want to be career/money wise, it's been going on for about a month. I was diagnosed with BPD long before I got into my relationship and with therapy and medication to treat my anxiety/depression i've been doing really well for a significant time. So much so that my meds were lowered and my therapy sessions went from every two weeks to once a month. My boyfriend is used to that version of me, and to his credit he's been amazing when i do struggle with my feelings going 0-100 and acting out when i feel like things are going too great and i have to leave before he does. However those episodes while explosive were short lived and it was obvious how i was feeling. This calm, quiet and indifferent version isn't as easily soothed. He keeps thinking it's something he's doing or not doing. When he asks, I try to explain to him that i'm in no way unhappy with him and that it's something going on with me and all about me but it doesn't seem to be enough to ease his discomfort. I wish i could snap my fingers and re-enter my body and be present again but it just doesn't work like that. What can I do to help him feel better while I get through this? I know he's not gonna break up with me, but I genuinely love him and feel guilty that he's questioning himself and how I feel about him. I apologize to the long post guys, thanks in advance.",6.3902941176470565,5.798405009554143,6.983593106032224,77.89181153990259,65.78343949044586,10.44556013488198,32.16485575121769,9.916854025145753,2.854492544023979,1239,43,251,24,17,409,167,314,0.087,0.752,0.161,0.9795,4,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,15,17,0,5,6,0,24,5,2,3,3,53,55,30,0,3,7,0,7,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,18,25,0,1,11,0,1,9,7,5,1,1,11,8,37,12,40,39,6,39,0,0,0,1,24,11,0,3,18,168,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942617529381303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099800761222007,0.0,0.0,0.09406103697496387,0.0,0.11813477406090225,0.1339485229152337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491462376707389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160212242517723,0.10794657404817172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307067340981784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989160603942603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960741926552197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026062412128796,0.11967726692104408,0.3226531816931124,0.07597896888028542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669595837561035,0.0,0.302215753594475,0.0,0.08506061762114707,0.11725512036836075,0.0,0.10530669589400984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128651599777237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453188644341924,0.0,0.0,0.05844910777746967,0.0,0.0,0.11261301098267752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391790584283016,0.0,0.09391209792274102,0.18823901941312568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598819520171872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813477406090225,0.10713997248932848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978071421249416,0.0,0.15636413426007814,0.0,0.08202638349060112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326301727490208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053844355599843,0.0,0.10185726386955454,0.21639950913855507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914027147881505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813278192024957,0.0,0.0,0.11418386817899992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682024125491127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637522561057926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182758651165244,0.2223675612006651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791602307393103,0.24324901524545706,0.0,0.0706565463563069,0.06814703491848442,0.0,0.0,0.062015587023343526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220705214384014,0.0,0.10389192561796934,0.0,0.0,0.09185528550541648,0.0,0.0,0.06273005579330761,0.08441846598497467,0.08531037067356295,0.0,0.09562457814112774,0.09859076939162033,0.0,0.0,0.1223012879324219,0.0,0.0,0.1548532440633515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,slinkyfish,2018/11/30,"Needing romance? (Support i guess) I feel like i need a relationship and i can't shut down this part of me.  From childhood i have craved a partner i can trust to understand me.  It hurts so much being alone because I really can't accept it.  It makes me feel worse than almost anything to contemplate how long i might stay this way.  Ive been in too many relationships and i regret them all.  I just wanted to find the right one.  At first, i was too afraid to get close to anyone, for fear of making a future-altering mistake.  Now that I've made such mistakes multiple times, I'm back to being afraid and withdrawn.  But this time, even though i dont have any friends at all, i think I would be able and willing to talk and make a friendship with someone.

But i don't believe in myself to find love.  I don't even know who i am.  I'm like no one.",2.196551059730247,3.929676092485552,3.436323699421965,90.96797302504818,77.09248554913296,6.2318304431599225,23.67206165703276,7.0316486544052195,0.7266681310211944,656,21,142,7,15,213,112,173,0.155,0.7340000000000001,0.111,-0.6788,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,11,15,0,3,5,0,18,1,0,5,2,35,36,10,0,7,3,0,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,8,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,3,2,23,8,19,27,4,17,0,2,0,1,8,8,0,3,9,98,31,0,0.13909090216656014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927944688061894,0.14405622702324586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458658310353013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972555928194176,0.0,0.1144599611701522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695231819707517,0.0,0.08478852296565599,0.0,0.0,0.15670781631059658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301350144422275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373645816694487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651593450999182,0.140657078698822,0.09936656829946693,0.0,0.0,0.2542531294721642,0.11831065032825575,0.0,0.0,0.10746128598398354,0.0,0.07266925561674789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322430998343212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488996875157658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644072228939973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590557809147205,0.0,0.0,0.12309107148196904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553496967670766,0.1316111747073183,0.2785327717642045,0.14101634361654952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755346684571366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224781709674276,0.20626828308416484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885031900178049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506218927369165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910519355399985,0.0,0.0,0.2986631512197301,0.0,0.11878287047046455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785127003868852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825239507614266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578387074768493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179599849174847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912383386385726,0.1366561051755622,0.0,0.16221004718545345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479853445951382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203941781884913,0.11040388399122876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174551217593592,0.0988061861861836,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mimsymomeraths,2018/11/30,Bleh. So apparently my husband has been talking to some friend (a person I've literally never seen him actually talk to ever) for the past two hours who's been on the verge of a breakdown while I was literally in the bathroom crying my eyes out and cutting myself. I'd been depressed all night and acting off but he didn't even check on me. ,8.743333333333332,6.413278823529414,9.21470588235294,69.36950980392159,62.235294117647065,11.419607843137255,37.37254901960785,9.725611199111238,3.459866666666666,272,10,52,4,3,92,56,68,0.083,0.885,0.032,-0.3291,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,5,0,6,1,1,0,3,8,7,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,6,2,6,1,9,1,2,13,0,1,2,0,8,6,0,1,6,38,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2770181862996517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118201336816627,0.0,0.0,0.2444985935320663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749482160179845,0.2567785346797574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931885316260705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795568022483945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189396366045508,0.0,0.0,0.2663947028827012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709880067357409,0.0,0.2478661376101519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563312257594465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27730175917790584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ffj_,2018/11/30,"Not sure if this is a BPD thing or not but posting just in case Yesterday I was on my way to work and after running to the bus I felt really bad. Heavy feeling in my chest and stomach and I got really hot (it's around 20-30 degrees where I live btw). I took off my coat and even unbuttoned my pants on the bus. Then I started to lose my vision, my hearing was starting to fade and I felt like I was going to pass out in 2 seconds. I got off the bus and fell/sat on the ground and I could barely move. It felt like when I had a heat stroke in the summer (but not possible now right?). I called 911 and the lady would not listen to me! I was screaming and crying and telling her how I felt like but she kept having an attitude with me and saying ""what happened"" I DON'T FUCKING NO JUST GET ME HELP!?! I was so terrified because she kept interrogating me about what led up to it instead of just getting an ambulance. I was going back and forth with her for 5 mins, sitting in the snow with my coat off. Then I just broke and I wouldn't even move my arm for the phone anymore. This nice woman who was driving by stopped to help me. She put my coat back on and told the operator where I was.


Would the end of me not being able to move/respond be dissociating? Is this a BPD thing? They told me it was an anxiety attack but it's never been like this.",1.2878553954879024,3.0473092791519463,3.081855123674913,92.3538998369122,79.88339222614843,6.049959228051101,21.83867898885568,7.010146845296331,0.4476638760532756,1038,31,237,12,26,346,146,283,0.124,0.764,0.111,-0.7155,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,17,12,2,0,16,0,21,5,3,2,2,50,43,25,0,5,15,0,7,4,0,3,1,4,0,1,14,19,0,3,5,0,0,10,9,6,0,1,22,11,42,6,34,15,0,48,0,2,0,1,18,19,1,2,20,172,56,1,0.11076790457998943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473714381860452,0.0,0.10985199711950036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986069192357054,0.0,0.12601448243364444,0.0,0.1703473626546149,0.09248657354582593,0.06752308652144172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27901659640834525,0.0,0.11310641517034375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843915854069348,0.0,0.12167334192102315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810748580194503,0.0,0.0,0.1463223125961891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056007580758782906,0.0,0.4254182364954128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240314289396517,0.11574331673276055,0.0,0.1259039056403415,0.0,0.17718242426654654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795169220346207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484347882774105,0.0,0.1484907831054958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646241229922392,0.0,0.0978100891062174,0.0,0.0,0.12392095189232345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531862581858227,0.0,0.0,0.0854310366368002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248741692304463,0.1060850335107267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135233840342368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419215120964808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945951852857628,0.0,0.08808708362015495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680418596198514,0.0,0.0,0.09260692808731223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439743918233524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968160308959351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717854776779432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168695936089346,0.12306721766813924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792240683403063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064035377360873,0.0,0.0,0.15737268265436727,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blobby06,2018/11/30,"Autism and BPD Do Not Mix Well I just want people to stay, but my lack of any social skills really ruins my chances. I get a small burst of hope when I meet someone knew and they'll initiate with me, but once that stops I immediately freak out. I don't want to lose them, but I'm unable to say anything. It can be real rough not being able to tell people you care about how much you care about them. I don't have to worry about the answer though, I'm always worried they'll just leave eventually. ",3.806851595006936,4.509009407766988,4.6980859916782265,87.5873786407767,71.4271844660194,7.439112343966713,21.510402219140087,7.447530270364453,0.4878499306518727,391,7,86,4,7,127,72,103,0.158,0.64,0.20199999999999999,0.7307,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,4,2,9,7,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,20,18,8,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,2,15,4,12,13,2,5,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,1,2,53,17,0,0.18321463929756415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244925691431652,0.0,0.0,0.12459223742003092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150770037242913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23075242446278066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735990707589712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572208712760716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819734767124717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399784891059274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049703168842323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468384083029444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951176113729365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25403592402892045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085383703097967,0.1173719894129828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569963486658385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676425200028424,0.1552371693228492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528242800775844,0.0,0.15317564226124675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013767025818618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800074528783238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612948237064888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473196392213715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721267193138128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wtfthrowaway2377,2018/11/30,Should I stop being friends till I’m mentally healthy? I have a rocky relationship with said friend. I get very territorial over her and now she has a new boyfriend and group of friends and I’m sick. We recently started talking again after a huge fight. And idk what to do anymore because I hate having these feelings. It’s a catch 22 bc I miss her but most of our good moments were when we were each other’s only friend. Can’t feel abandoned when you’re the only one. Now I feel threanted and small and I already know my stupid brain is gonna end up messing things up anyway as per usual. ,2.581611917494272,4.687178268907567,3.4038808250572963,89.9268143621085,77.23529411764707,6.007944996180291,25.94423223834989,6.980632752743323,1.0432117647058825,470,18,97,5,11,149,90,119,0.154,0.698,0.14800000000000002,0.0633,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,3,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,5,0,10,2,1,0,0,19,22,11,0,1,1,0,3,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,5,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,3,4,14,5,10,16,2,20,0,2,0,0,15,5,0,1,14,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934972850468952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915442578128926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012143711479047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016630822424741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000064399897354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27402340148600945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5582732583537559,0.0,0.09438120376055807,0.0,0.0,0.1515190996147105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783526509986356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927950031646324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205084893072204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447111147946584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224118634186571,0.27478212075302344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836825714567162,0.1939485102180079,0.0,0.0,0.17183776114166466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278636922074454,0.0,0.0,0.1510299444697709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519814223654978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200146055787209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198958418319826,0.14905364490728654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rainbowrunningkat01,2018/11/30,"DAE freak out if they feel accused? If I feel like someone is accusing me of something (even if they're not really, but their tone is questionable). If makes me tell in my defense and if it escalates I just break down and start crying. I cant stand being accused if I didn't do something.",4.25396551724138,5.171214224137934,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,70.55172413793103,8.558620689655173,30.017241379310345,8.841846274778883,2.3030206896551726,227,9,46,4,4,74,43,58,0.2,0.741,0.059000000000000004,-0.81,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,17,10,9,0,6,9,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,9,1,4,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494831340392942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101412666843081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217418794372132,0.22729312121114345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155436599869884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237385349124754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35641131441294593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20382104268685247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26957540613722225,0.4898692617729074,0.0,0.0,0.2251948433209192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278085317363263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sleepingonvenus,2018/11/30,"I feel like I'm being watched. I have been hit with this sudden wave of wrongness. It's almost an existential dread. Beyond paranoia. I feel like I'm being watched or stared at, in a malicious way. 

My bedroom is on the top floor but I feel like if I look out of the curtains, I will inevitably see something right there. A face, a ghoul, an alien. Something that's just not right. Not correct. Incomprehensible. 

I'm sorry if this is annoying to read grammatically, but I'm so frantic right now and I don't know what to do. I feel like death is hovering over me, like I'm gonna have some kind of precognition and see my own corpse or something. I'm horrified.",1.453181818181818,3.9109658333333366,3.1283636363636376,88.30754545454548,83.84848484848484,5.944242424242425,23.95151515151516,7.3011,1.0587842424242422,518,20,108,8,15,171,81,132,0.204,0.691,0.10400000000000001,-0.9515,0,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,1,2,7,0,11,1,1,0,1,21,27,9,1,2,9,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,10,11,6,12,21,2,14,0,0,6,0,0,11,0,6,7,62,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158656445195198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32045147504102617,0.452763041517593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649926171676446,0.08707539797300208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38703298270334696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305109786165326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584845461085859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059249602364979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525149942267379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36592841392059294,0.0,0.1773624772424329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576362243027267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323109305488993,0.0,0.0
bpd,karmabetch,2018/11/30,Just sant my FP to talk to me now and all the freaking time but i know i need to focus on my work cos i'm falling class and my psych says i need to learn to live in my own space without him but i just want to text him and for him to respond and hes busy lately and lives like 3 hrs away.... just so compulsive about it ,-0.4727005870841481,1.015260164383566,1.5702935420743669,102.3787671232877,84.34246575342465,4.719373776908023,17.277886497064582,5.288315135182226,-0.934356555772994,244,5,66,1,7,81,50,73,0.054000000000000006,0.879,0.067,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,18,6,8,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,13,1,13,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,42,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27778365726309817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248779626438425,0.0,0.3335189845913978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444524608569004,0.0,0.5221489399676804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43845842574190175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351218455959091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376414675587085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240256442972635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438877876807315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850070793074587,0.0,0.21524505102834016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SteakySteakk,2018/12/30,"Ghost DAE download dating apps and start talking with a person, give them your number, have a TON in common, and just ghost when they starts to ask you to meet up?


 I hate that I do that to a guy sometimes because it feels like I'm leading them on. Maybe it's the severe abandonment/rejection issues. Maybe I just want someone to talk to. I dont know but I do want a genuine relationship, I've just had a string of failed relationships that feels like a huge burdensome weight.



*drinking so apologizing in advance if it sounds covoluted",4.533422330097089,6.276847815533984,5.011832524271849,82.06202063106798,70.84466019417476,7.868446601941748,28.408980582524272,8.472884824447931,2.0359524271844656,427,16,81,7,8,136,72,103,0.171,0.716,0.113,-0.7913,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,3,3,5,4,1,0,7,0,5,2,0,1,0,14,16,6,2,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,3,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,4,10,2,11,15,1,12,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,1,7,49,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601739036757218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825376837959373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081275296567837,0.17396505094681308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958396119932638,0.25373258297523754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035508529970175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758364212330607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532777519936335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535191822606095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759571173137846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351748158377858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568146868432249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550598002289957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813182546977051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061976237557091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046663916031142,0.0,0.1756354579371566,0.0,0.2513902266995636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854711393284503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948769536074427,0.0,0.0,0.21624989060082567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chellybelly28,2018/12/30,"Will my FP go away? I’m losing them each passing day. I met a new FP (John Doe). I adore them. It’s unfortunate they’re also very attractive. We live in different cities—major ones at that. I’ve never been to my FP’s city. It appears EVERYWHERE on TV, movies, the Internet... It’s like it’s haunting me.

I think I’m pushing away John. Every day goes by, it’s like we talk less like best friends, and more like cordial strangers from high school. I think I caused it because it started when I sent Christmas gifts (socks from Spyro—one of his favorite video games [who doesn’t love that purple dragon?] with a short & sweet letter containing his favorite meme). Maybe that was too much. Ever since then, I notice the dynamic has changed.

I miss John so much. I sent him some messages on his FB Messenger and he just left them on “read.” It’s been over an hour. I think to myself, maybe he’s busy, but he didn’t ignore me before Christmas. I wish I could fly to his city and spend time with him like the way it happens in my dreams.

Do you have a long-distance FP?",1.3171688574317493,3.5962640697674435,2.3254196157735088,95.0399797775531,82.72093023255816,5.227502527805863,20.975733063700712,6.498293943080001,0.1936309403437821,825,25,179,8,23,260,138,215,0.047,0.7759999999999999,0.177,0.9725,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,2,1,3,2,7,15,0,0,7,0,10,1,0,1,2,22,25,8,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,2,3,5,1,6,3,3,0,1,7,2,30,12,18,16,7,29,0,2,1,1,25,12,0,2,15,98,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312492916875355,0.0,0.15327106273172195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658112862735593,0.0,0.0,0.08623225958296654,0.0,0.1203714219918379,0.0,0.14845277922173075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453176396824116,0.14964515355199742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294371850372245,0.0,0.0,0.1824590563518229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779483176732444,0.0,0.0,0.12379196270579652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279580107384199,0.11918553823110108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929108308495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039456453341819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509196755982996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945948812631246,0.0,0.0,0.1393088886838264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369591355474602,0.0,0.0,0.3455492759764185,0.0,0.12491112933592152,0.12518700476334593,0.0,0.15825674212854365,0.0,0.0,0.12767251643582084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28422970543610154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797768370724887,0.0,0.10910211169578483,0.1366222469394679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105231941003925,0.0,0.0,0.09585646409017416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149755346109313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316433599394374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701657207212493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012560121400793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369960491212106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27192416996898183,0.0,0.0,0.0824860394226178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671871468617187,0.0,0.11228378618124572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626711822309021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,purple4reasonz,2018/12/30,"Am I capable OK so I know that people with BPD have trust issues by nature but, I also know that they can learn to trust some one initially.... I am incredibly curious though, if  humans with BPD are capable of rebuilding trust once it’s been broken ....I know forgiveness is not my strongest suit... but I am trying to grow and trying so hard to stop walking away every 6 months to two years... I keep trusting and keep getting hurt... as a recovering gaslighting  abuse survivor, on top of my BPD, I’m not sure I have it in me to keep trying this whole forgiveness thing... I want to trust people I want to believe them... but after my trust is broken once I don’t see any other option than to walk away.  I can’t stop the thoughts that run through my head constantly and that awful sense of dread that sits like a boulder in the core of my existence.
    So, are people with BPD capable of rebuilding solid trust after it’s been broken? I’d love to hear some opinions on the matter. ",4.622896634615387,5.5009250156250005,5.534583333333334,81.68798076923079,69.67708333333334,8.616025641025642,27.26923076923077,8.841846274778883,1.9881653846153848,761,24,149,13,13,250,107,192,0.16399999999999998,0.562,0.27399999999999997,0.9725,0,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,0,0,2,1,5,15,0,1,5,2,14,2,1,0,1,32,28,13,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,5,7,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,3,3,20,13,29,25,3,19,0,1,1,1,7,7,0,5,8,98,31,1,0.0,0.1363139086154725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200441193561944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823706808579936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161841007031048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962049893323088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5795992918176897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432678386181002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693350030588636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010820258946083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306104641871383,0.0,0.11807316816067563,0.0,0.12966825781703073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316202370239165,0.0,0.0,0.1200809627962862,0.0,0.3067817392327781,0.0,0.0,0.1896832869331204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620698844118402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383595270584184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183078280763912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504624303775,0.07795998347710141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392808688893598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167892657747102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923717464399996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843204776447496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643325088458626,0.0,0.1130347735815566,0.09133582478812813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343315665748175,0.0,0.11238587257856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571742010359372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844777624865858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408759731213665
bpd,emilybir,2018/12/30,"People I get really angry/annoyed when people aren’t watching where they are going and almost run into you 

or are in your way because they’re not paying attention. 

",14.42935483870968,8.660897741935488,13.629032258064516,52.56354838709679,55.45161290322582,14.980645161290324,43.903225806451616,11.20814326018867,5.225941935483871,134,4,19,2,1,45,27,31,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,1,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450840214191002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27445597114942505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352265427607339,0.0,0.2558760305118209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6242654536636948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884288058800873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573715420394187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ambbbr,2018/12/30,"I finally found the right meds. I feel like a “normal” human for once in 10 years. But now I’m using sex as a coping mechanism? (Never been very sexual) am I really better? Since I started my new meds I finally feel free and haven’t had any crazy episodes lately. Haven’t done any risky behavior and haven’t felt remotely as hopeless as I always have. But also since I started this new med I have become wildly obsessed with sex. But I mean like new crazy shit I’ve never done... everyday. It’s like some weird alter ego came from this... am i even better? Or is this just another way I avoid my true self? My man loves this “new me” but I can see that look in his eyes that he’s questioning my judgment. He has been thru so much with my mental illness (misdiagnosed once and now diagnosed BPD) and has always tried his best to understand why I am the way I am. 

So I guess I just wanna know has anyone else had this happen?

Or something similar to it? Cause I might be better and a lot of people are noticing but I feel like this sex obsessed person ive turned into isn’t me. I’ve never been this way ever. Now I’m like a fuckin porn star over here. It’s not me. So am I even better? What the hell im rambling sorry ",1.2538095238095224,3.2900584761904774,3.2316761904761897,89.84665714285715,81.30158730158729,6.254222222222222,19.206984126984125,7.404127859558343,0.4609315555555553,944,23,201,14,25,318,137,252,0.111,0.742,0.147,0.9221,0,1,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,5,13,21,3,3,7,0,27,10,2,2,5,42,47,19,0,2,10,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,4,13,9,0,1,9,0,1,1,8,8,0,0,10,7,30,14,16,35,4,27,1,1,3,6,10,5,3,7,23,125,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139190105158075,0.148565230957702,0.0,0.0,0.12141793868006355,0.09361093766138076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062422032902468574,0.09147114215268294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859544998902646,0.0,0.0,0.09368691943417673,0.31582024961610755,0.0,0.0,0.11243671477398748,0.0,0.0,0.10210498020891824,0.0,0.09170836728463166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061061587639999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271535456048127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457646550415767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179284697629254,0.08075289601080803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541793134929075,0.1275538612429561,0.08571645832580453,0.1955892792939408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788366881773897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834470843237947,0.0,0.07894416762070912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643058507796234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906232272623298,0.0,0.10070427708136344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807235505229225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496716701073244,0.0,0.0,0.07589704726317446,0.08057272369024429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724489762629343,0.2974878469779193,0.0,0.08996658398111046,0.0947049634401848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562621663177158,0.0,0.2065594353058494,0.3448832014876953,0.0,0.0,0.0874689717348713,0.0,0.1016383509447088,0.0,0.19014650241180167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189093093796109,0.07795008434017339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000663262883573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719082227112907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623899082620803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113933687564829,0.0,0.09313161990671756,0.0,0.09163785620621233,0.14769574834042493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872702032337984,0.0,0.09993425583527524,0.12637633574006066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061077457125188,0.09710381733938102,0.0,0.09293675170993758,0.0,0.07710354927460812,0.0,0.07365989964345081,0.0,0.212583194835604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055535263603049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574891388921501
bpd,Lucky_Celery,2018/12/30,"Im Addicted to my BPD Partner. In a good moment i feel more cared for, loved and cherished than i could possibly imagine. I am told i am perfect and the best person/partner ever. I have never done anything wrong and i am taken care of in every way imaginable. 
   In a bad moment i am compared to her physically abusive Ex and i am yelled at and put down. I am scolded for imaginary failings and i am verbally attacked for what feels like forever. Attempts at deescalation more often than not makes things worse. asking for space makes things worse. Sometimes hiding in the bedroom helps.

I feel like i have no control over when a bad or good moment will happen.
I can be upset, irrational and unfair and she will say im amazing and offer a snack or sex.
I could be massaging her and doing her favors or the dishes and ill be told im horrible/neglecting her the second i dont perform perfectly.

Sometimes i feel crazy lucky. Sometimes i feel crazy for staying. but most of the time i just feel confused.
",2.9279951166576232,5.336121376288663,4.26736299511666,82.65379001627781,77.50515463917526,6.764622897449813,27.736299511665763,7.85451343220497,2.0252927835051544,793,34,141,13,19,261,110,194,0.153,0.675,0.172,0.4167,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,7,4,21,1,2,9,0,20,6,0,3,4,38,36,16,0,2,6,1,6,2,1,2,2,2,1,1,3,11,2,1,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,4,8,24,14,19,25,4,19,0,1,0,2,14,9,0,7,9,102,27,1,0.0,0.13405337667671166,0.0,0.12334019944122332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931052587355031,0.0,0.10577139846761628,0.12871402195459128,0.0,0.0,0.18893572592580105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873431558233725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249690837999515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307092230156797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689705577471275,0.18066748478765596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157823456099716,0.1326002042476884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234235362890172,0.0953260247694357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432444036679144,0.1616556559446648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979431212631648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005005787651956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583591007787341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666345181243972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054978424284401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211401185719853,0.0,0.15104475845413573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726117913520659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879020432749576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754928044363958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373777881046715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997412516431058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335697506725932,0.0,0.0,0.12059306556292736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503314735161815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597332490026271,0.0,0.0,0.21622181362389226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980592059722219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060033309147016,0.0,0.12370173097139313,0.0,0.0
bpd,KohGeek,2018/12/30,"DAE invalidate and/or bury their own emotions? You question and ask whether your emotions are real or a result of BPD. You think that your attachment to your FP is 'unreal' and 'you're just making it up'. You don't trust your emotions at all so you bury it and hide it away while it screams inside you for you to notice it.

DAE experience this? ",3.2042288557213934,5.332269746268661,3.91126865671642,86.90978855721393,75.41791044776119,6.854726368159205,24.59950248756219,7.793537801064563,1.25400696517413,271,9,54,4,6,86,47,67,0.10099999999999999,0.868,0.032,-0.5806,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,10,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,12,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,1,7,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,2,1,39,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703081573418505,0.0,0.20806454873741276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789152040051937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7473222325463321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662578205131774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782313559325205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521283323288046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480806238212625,0.0,0.0,0.2520646196168104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189961735275305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bonzaijasminelad,2018/12/30,"My girlfriend has bpd and I want to understand how I can be there for her without making her feel like a burden My girlfriend whom I love and adore with all my life has bpd. She has recently been diagnosed with it but her reactions and feelings make a lot of sense in that light

I am starting to learn up on her condition and trying to see how she might feel or what might trigger her negative emotions but sometimes I feel I might not be understanding her 

I have this tendency to coddle and ask her often how she’s feeling or what’s on her mind and hopefully not in a flippant or casual way cause I really do want to know ya know. 

One thing that really worries me sometimes is that she says that I only love her cause she was nice to me and cared for me and that I’d hate her if she wasn’t which just isn’t true. She tells me that isn’t the actual her and I want to know what’s her thought process behind that I know I can just ask her and I have but she doesn’t like to always be open about this stuff. And I get that cause it’s hard and even more so when it might feel like I’m judging her but I try not to. Imperfectly I admit.

I just want to know what someone living with bpd would like from a partner. Like what could I do for her to comfort her or support her in this. I want to have a long term relationship with her and learning about this is really important to me.",3.474379310344826,4.197997506896556,4.509827586206896,88.55543103448278,72.20689655172413,8.144827586206898,25.53448275862069,8.395991825355821,1.352296551724138,1087,32,245,17,20,355,129,290,0.064,0.74,0.196,0.988,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,13,17,1,0,6,0,28,4,0,9,2,77,62,27,0,9,16,0,7,5,3,5,2,1,0,1,24,18,0,0,17,1,0,0,9,2,0,1,4,10,54,15,32,49,4,13,0,0,1,2,39,7,0,12,10,185,78,2,0.0,0.0,0.0877630427923607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483266075318393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815312717425565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398078465053445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169415806180084,0.2771623384421541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180533439541527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128156614849156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011641430961802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940085115489532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27284133848099584,0.128498367546986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698703435880276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056359565773054,0.08879164289657601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932519399917772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471280883601037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352335649601208,0.2196871294862016,0.0,0.07941376050390266,0.07958915164189706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645904702467744,0.16233869146916954,0.0,0.12006387759503458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816249255671285,0.09080814961285846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094190583719995,0.0683991962094607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728429205254434,0.0,0.08879941230974063,0.09655593434230493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715194784711996,0.0,0.0,0.07166610691215526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620116137890083,0.0,0.17789492672680915,0.0,0.0636560613725223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295342016663116,0.0,0.10205653970748127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860666686602066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974844747892604,0.0,0.0,0.07139790166112604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211916616666645,0.0,0.0,0.1872498529401598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652283218752303,0.07138577444359538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669359336223212,0.0,0.0,0.0913327919966749,0.0,0.06388684768806828,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,1000ancestors,2018/12/30,"I am scared of my BPD ex-gf I broke up with her 4 yrs ago Jan 2015 because I figured out a lot of lies she had told me and I could no longer trust her. She would not stop harassing me for about 7 months after breakup. Took me a long time to block her number. She made multiple IG accts and tried contacting me through them, so I had to block them. The last direct message was Aug 2017. The last IG status directed at me was June 2018. My therapist is the one who told me she sounded BPD and it made total sense.

I have been unable to date someone new. I am always afraid my ex will harass me or the person I want to date. I am afraid of seeing her in public. I am afraid she will become single again and harass me. I worked so hard to be left alone.

 I thought I maybe saw her on metro train, and mysteriously next day my screendoor was busted. I try very hard to think it wasnt her.",1.3105882352941194,3.054435903225805,2.760929791271348,94.75551233396587,79.75268817204302,5.6667931688804565,19.005692599620488,6.522977012572876,-0.15321593927893715,682,15,158,6,17,222,116,186,0.151,0.7929999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9516,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,4,9,3,4,6,0,18,0,0,2,1,22,28,8,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,14,5,39,1,19,9,3,22,0,1,2,0,21,6,0,2,15,100,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489129414400794,0.0,0.0,0.15760429661196182,0.0,0.0,0.1266192920643024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092762637193136,0.16806201555902678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833106073323845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121496957559419,0.0,0.0,0.0981383494345391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726324400513188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480809759804811,0.0,0.0,0.16533532040209611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134667429107372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937119044993942,0.0,0.2879776465709293,0.0,0.0,0.15287722467433207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214622365027884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469686633128686,0.16183664556678318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031156836666044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287071856423124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523507159964712,0.0,0.12126138013655514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289348395628651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722260362026416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668341761328804,0.0,0.09750567148484296,0.0,0.12080756814228093,0.08873271540678071,0.0,0.0,0.2908137293676161,0.16906868822255589,0.2066295947768812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555783457889585,0.08975498669493914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107830264520272,0.0,0.0,0.10809862091050852,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,We_Really_Do,2018/12/30,"I wholeheartedly love all of you! Sorry for the sentiment, BUT: Sometimes I'm really at my lowest and the only thing giving me some kind of positivity and perspective is coming here to read through posts, collect experiences. Every other thing or interaction seems to send out exclusively dark vibes (even though at different times they are able to pull me back), but here I'm slowly able to reconnect with my inner light. Each time I'm so glad I found it again because, you know, I didn't *decide* to wallow in darkness. And I know that's true of each of us. Because you people are the warmest bunch. Thank you! ",4.863758454106282,6.73243135652174,5.708115942028988,76.89685990338167,70.21739130434783,8.589371980676331,26.690821256038646,9.150863307647796,2.274748792270532,486,16,87,10,9,159,82,115,0.045,0.773,0.183,0.9590000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,4,1,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,19,15,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,14,5,16,13,5,13,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,3,4,60,19,1,0.3774496153644324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451177278204679,0.0,0.2300897821654893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256971098172648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717725600017816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465095556805172,0.0,0.1590087901064788,0.0,0.0,0.18460907536456225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692701053725934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810420323195904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196527845445172,0.20743643744407295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703315072416387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435337205078633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308380189774756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807461974042812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877587929543024,0.0,0.1209019443761162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180797690581892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665366047854887,0.21126197107266176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375244693621572,0.0,0.0,0.2507607526543634,0.0,0.18542116533959144,0.0,0.22009390608840146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270127065690269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mmp19j,2018/12/30,"Any advice for struggling with a fresh breakup? 😓 In the past few days me and my partner of 2.5 years broke up. Its been a rough few years and it wasn’t a healthy relationship at all. I got diagnosed shortly after we got together and much of the relationships problems revolved around my issues and how he handled me. We also ended on a pretty bad note and currently have each other blocked. Despite all this, I’m heart broken as I desperately wanted this to work out. 

Basically what i’m asking is if anyone has any tips or advice on how to cope with a painful breakup on top of all the other intense emotions and mood swings that come with everyday bpd. I’m really struggling and don’t have the support network to help me out atm. Any advice appreciated and sorry for rambling on.",4.9598615291992765,6.4199022649006645,5.783503913305236,78.04751354605659,69.3973509933775,8.139915713425648,31.60806742925948,8.575989854853784,2.573709933774834,626,27,113,10,11,205,100,151,0.16,0.72,0.12,-0.765,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,2,4,8,0,2,9,0,7,3,1,2,3,28,16,14,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,8,18,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,4,1,9,1,23,12,7,21,0,1,0,0,8,12,0,2,8,76,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295426948676331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717465079870455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989226583682621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024525163184466,0.0,0.0,0.13043682481551222,0.136979530537662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234085685759515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454099970074708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262168712158844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449542364439023,0.0,0.0,0.14871809151435444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648190201565422,0.1297761763355542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23437617779336115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736308466943968,0.09821149678326233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293228430254988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771150373922847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591114943868334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398730940480438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906689854449384,0.0,0.14020303449552535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938665945268584,0.0,0.0,0.3146224344225977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164020867323122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063559877472964,0.0,0.0,0.1662729338710668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642325391453852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667072635223764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188712435869692
bpd,Inspaceflying44,2018/12/30,"Any tips on how to hold one positive mindset and not get lost? Have read about the law of attraction recently and am trying to apply it to my thinking as much as possible. Recently I figured again that I have no real sense of who i am and I see myself kind of automatically in the way I feel to be perceived from the other person. So that changes very often. So it's like I'm alone right and I manage to enter a mindset where I focuse more on solotions rather than problems, I try to focuse on gratitude for just about anything and it kind of works but then a person comes in my life - today it was kind of a friend - and I say something I perceive as stupid and just as a whole feel dumb and inadequate in his presense and it's really not him, he's a great dude! Really... But I lost it immediately, I spiraled down in 2 seconds, I started to feel like I have to die again and it's like I'm vaguely aware it's happening but in that moment it's so real to me... It's like my next state grabs me and doesn't let me get back to the previous and because I myself believe in it it just gets so much harder right. I'm just at a bit of a loss to how to control my mind and my states. I want to believe it's possible and it is, sure. But I get so into that emotion and so quickly.. ",1.213653136531363,2.9713374797048004,3.61619778597786,88.44347011070113,80.1070110701107,6.402420664206643,23.38612546125461,7.404127859558343,0.9338317638376386,991,34,218,14,25,344,132,271,0.11,0.774,0.11599999999999999,-0.469,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,5,21,17,2,0,11,0,10,1,0,3,1,47,28,32,1,3,11,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,2,20,17,0,2,7,1,0,2,4,6,0,2,3,6,29,11,40,23,5,31,0,3,1,0,8,15,1,1,15,158,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113773446430976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470306399238133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039875977442134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446933601211193,0.0,0.06696470312274659,0.0,0.0,0.2475309636070345,0.0,0.0,0.11992983145085186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620875215180808,0.0946276912445603,0.0,0.0,0.12320825501003985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400893646809232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356861012604015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663327513668305,0.07847822457286087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487131113276787,0.0,0.2295723505171857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111211568407745,0.0,0.0,0.09714167889367148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431815711692097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233101797780147,0.0775916508805931,0.21467237242255136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23983266706524226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091911118260757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150758327529022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682874972815792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443849542199259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183689665558887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476830400091701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511343952664348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988163485383992,0.25007104045496625,0.1407478895570665,0.0,0.2169310117853042,0.0,0.0,0.1876258573426083,0.0,0.08735864587142518,0.0,0.0,0.08753774759758334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456936517019198,0.0,0.0,0.07775374543945006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353412265003796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038866661554675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412676353809824,0.0,0.0,0.14916446846803472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063932820069537,0.06479350113018792,0.08719533088299491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264573153814627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997349689351352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anrayeh,2018/12/30,"152 days of heartbreak and still broken. What’s it like to be loved? And I mean reciprocated love? The love I had for you was so brilliant I would cry until the break of dawn fantasizing about your precious smile. The way you held me and caressed my face. I miss you so much. Sometimes I wish I never spoke to you. I wish I never committed myself to you. I wish I never invested all my love, energy, and wellbeing into you. Because you couldn’t do the same. And I can’t blame you. I can’t force us. But It feels like you never even tried. You never even tried to let it happen. You closed the doors to what could’ve been the happiest days of our lives. I love you. I’ll always love you. I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to picture somebody else in your place. Even if you do mine. ",0.13146341463414754,2.3894631219512235,1.9982439024390253,95.34126829268291,88.51219512195122,4.9873170731707335,16.736585365853657,6.508806274219699,-0.3224356097560972,608,14,138,7,20,200,88,164,0.083,0.609,0.308,0.9924,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,16,0,0,7,11,0,0,6,0,13,7,1,0,7,27,30,10,0,8,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,2,0,0,5,3,38,9,16,21,3,17,0,2,0,6,25,5,0,1,11,99,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245203066873034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773133887320132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871191951331117,0.0,0.1220486026045444,0.14331291138625074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928177559649727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016039216489086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618031738873061,0.07937667121391427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825379140110056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361702344412755,0.0,0.10856500906614887,0.0,0.09811175157651512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6016841389055104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103085223598925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809184764752345,0.08167828978020704,0.0,0.42847260032304296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608581153447793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989016731480264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873221505728339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087215638260007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365108534972198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107056037523765,0.08819357405903203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833114320048001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892902300062192,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pokemonsunisbest,2018/12/30,"Any of y’all been misdiagnosed first? I’m going to start off I’m not looking for a diagnosis. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist for that already. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around two years ago. That’s when I first started seeing my therapist. A few months later I started seeing a PDOC for medication. Medications never seemed to help my moods. I’ve been researching BPD lately and it sounds more like me than bipolar does. 

I was always told my anger and impulsivity was from mania, but I’m not so sure anymore. 

Just wondering if this could be a common thing? I see my therapist again in a few days something I’m going to bring up with her. I don’t want her to think I’m saying I think you’re wrong here’s what’s wrong with me though. ",2.0660999999999987,4.523424460000001,3.956916666666668,83.39137500000002,81.06666666666666,7.216666666666666,23.375,8.278499904357787,1.6128999999999998,599,21,118,13,16,202,95,150,0.13,0.845,0.025,-0.9366,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,7,6,1,0,7,0,8,5,0,0,2,20,30,8,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,3,6,7,17,2,17,22,3,22,0,0,5,0,6,4,0,3,16,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106262507817206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137718136571339,0.0,0.10384226533370887,0.0,0.0,0.08486719081853587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123766477447332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109703387969072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571792147266965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964136663879287,0.0,0.0,0.08048464302120953,0.0,0.0,0.12666774796812044,0.0,0.0,0.14302977724498658,0.0,0.10921191993955387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212306908819892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418516122289067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364973619173559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077802987294644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097019392574887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479922385421853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514425150080892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961289141107267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625221886233484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924469590129867,0.0,0.0,0.3977926651012119,0.11361177532152936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960759046246496,0.0,0.0,0.26499884737279256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762101410012557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347016801171522,0.08291051091778566,0.15993154984200236,0.12261379335119996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925021833300585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190990187633972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360932912708218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533854013886146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728949161839676,0.0,0.08036607725995802
bpd,weirdoanonny,2018/12/30,"I don’t know anymore. I need my therapist.

My boyfriend decided to forget spending time together this weekend and hang out with this other girl and her boyfriend. 

He talks about her sometimes and will keep adding in “and her boyfriend”. I asked him at one point if I had anything to worry about and he said no.

To me... to people like us.... well at least for me, this is a big fucking slap in the face.

He isn’t even sorry.

Is it my BPD mindset that’s causing me to be like this?? Or am I just making a big deal about nothing. /rhetorical

I want to block him.

Now he’s saying he didn’t know “the gauntlet was going to be thrown down”. ",0.9948172757475078,3.2313306356589218,2.18186600221484,95.83133720930236,83.72868217054264,4.926024363233665,22.392580287929125,6.1826913282559595,0.2625277962347736,488,17,107,4,14,155,83,129,0.1,0.83,0.07,-0.4193,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,4,0,11,2,1,2,0,20,21,7,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,2,3,1,1,2,4,1,1,1,4,2,18,3,18,14,1,14,0,0,0,1,17,9,1,2,5,72,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121328140825115,0.0,0.0,0.16696194569500625,0.0,0.18967562871183924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555340203310641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842487115837907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917163707854936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400754393520578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756939289686425,0.0,0.0,0.11530758957640674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033877841007007,0.0,0.0,0.2230070951150724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824451727032344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543126940969602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044105173032846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946793166898414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748414315946575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065902260129295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179750638945087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929957333645324,0.16134700879050345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066431495256826,0.227119782125553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307604194754668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355720043479287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830733128199115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24405280417437825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967032561157735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242330981378352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604558517695185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spoppysnek,2018/12/30,today I was really happy and sociable. my mom told me I was being too loud and that I was a weirdo. [TW] I self harmed after this comment and I am so ashamed of myself. I don’t know what I did but my mom didn’t like it. she told me to go to my room while guests were over. I’ve noticed this last week she doesn’t talk to me much anymore. she stops listening to me a few words into the convo and goes on her phone. or she just walks away while I’m talking. sometimes I will have been talking for a while about something important and she won’t have registered anything. I get so embarrassed by how she treats me and I want to die. god why is this effecting me so much? ,0.8561468812877281,2.7725815563380287,2.5755734406438653,94.66253521126764,82.02816901408453,6.02897384305835,20.706237424547282,7.1686216300943375,0.3814490945674041,519,15,120,7,14,171,91,142,0.126,0.775,0.099,-0.7122,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,4,0,16,0,0,2,0,16,24,15,1,1,3,2,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,6,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,2,27,3,14,12,3,15,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,1,9,87,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768737473806155,0.0,0.0,0.14676558524542604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756424783100682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850975425514932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317970861519632,0.0,0.10135953912716583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985525067371264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801564869229036,0.14537779770095627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713204819745407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177591186308741,0.0,0.0,0.26221327637815023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030509023278196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425458952339748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605633878886724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730135683287725,0.17639118602321746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910729739753129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300492061764801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690534851198837,0.3408391905068315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519454179683273,0.0,0.1430603757645761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093174365825552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fffangels,2018/12/30,"My fp giving someone else attention? Wow...I am no longer needed :~)! 
Time to go 🚶🏼‍♂️
 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ",-3.5571428571428565,-5.223748619047619,0.18952380952381093,99.04714285714287,154.23809523809524,3.1047619047619053,17.285714285714285,5.288315135182226,-0.2462571428571425,73,3,17,1,7,26,21,21,0.111,0.754,0.135,0.126,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434437946619041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092244609595907,0.3016852652068561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936067760673141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44977402983898457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095336460057768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,komawii,2018/12/30,"DAE talk in plural ? When I'm alone, I usually tend to talk to myself or think in ""we"" and ""us"", I guess I do it to not feel so lonely ? Does anyone else experience this ?",-0.5758333333333319,1.3278697500000014,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,87.61111111111109,5.822222222222222,14.555555555555555,7.1686216300943375,-0.2996444444444446,125,2,30,2,4,45,29,36,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.6986,0,3,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,5,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29705859845149896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055092856099788,0.2938805681628182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509977589874236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396009663611032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28056459866539746,0.0,0.0,0.14502460436441886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159641184065686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610694492100744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837824141538117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450086556400737,0.0,0.315891260512761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,holographicbiologist,2018/12/30,"Thing's can't just get a little screwed up for me. I see it as all-or-nothing. And while, right now, I know logically that the situation has been favorably handled, I feel like I need to punish myself because I let it get that bad in the first place. I'd like to refrain from providing details on the event in question.  Was it frustrating for everyone?  Yes.  Was it quickly and reasonably resolved with all parties involved?  Yes.  We should even be in better standing with one another now.

But I can't get over the fact that I actually did something wrong, and that it caused such an issue...  I guess that's the perfectionist in me coming out again.  I can't eat now.  I've cut myself (and I'm still doing more).  I'm drinking.  I decided against suicide, though, but I still need to punish myself.  I can't resist the urge.

I really would appreciate talking to some folks who can relate right now.",2.662991886409735,4.996849971264371,4.135098039215688,83.64617647058826,78.02298850574712,7.082623394185259,26.901960784313733,8.124751697461798,1.925421636240704,701,29,134,13,17,232,109,174,0.114,0.767,0.11900000000000001,-0.4207,0,0,2,0,0,2,29.0,1,0,0,3,12,12,5,0,8,2,15,3,0,2,2,29,27,9,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,9,2,1,7,1,0,1,4,7,0,2,4,2,19,5,19,19,3,25,0,0,1,1,5,12,1,3,13,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.15643468982761846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809391384704542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384809379544474,0.09772052387260008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177686698897266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467753421249826,0.0,0.13808868150021025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703800586816985,0.0,0.1640321758018547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588003139199988,0.0,0.0,0.15317842853033306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105509410988286,0.1145220222031648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635546799733908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512584538538393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659418182887324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731691488401182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809951118438247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392286401706654,0.0,0.15663398563608247,0.1606678613652769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377284563554776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381710280773414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862690984520124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748474939439706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957844146432275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269557587874566,0.164820380050459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27379942292818754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774243974744928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018969098178786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341072658615593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560397796360324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534780176058426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884719720732954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649961021931577,0.0,0.1574989836012855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387617024391955,0.17526850264645316,0.0,0.0
bpd,clayclara,2018/12/30,"I will never be in a relationship I change my identity, values and core beliefs everyday. People use me. What else could they do? Love me for my personality? I have none. I am an empty shell. A chameleon. I wish i could love and be loved but im back on Tinder and i know exactly how its gonna end. Heartbroken and feeling lonelier than ever. Happy New Year.",-0.02969483568075404,2.2210441408450734,2.8386267605633826,85.24930164319252,100.54929577464789,6.310328638497652,20.001173708920188,7.492282038375204,1.3156751173708925,278,10,55,7,12,97,55,71,0.115,0.634,0.251,0.7754,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,8,3,0,2,3,16,16,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,12,4,4,10,1,9,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,7,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979374570879545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983636509016494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318401691772494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359933147116474,0.0,0.1840587655020036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797684587311547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507542914743594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121855483239064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244714199008836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420742949022895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626723205321719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027656819857208,0.2007050508801636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440699041222204,0.1814524520315406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311112298965666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948188503757603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23897226577495145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382339872320448
bpd,crazynotcrazy111,2018/12/30,"I feel like my mom judges me. I recently told my mom I have Borderline Personality Disorder (I feel she has it too). And this was all while I was on a high, good mood streak, which is when we most get along. She didn't know what it was, but seemed sympathetic. Anyway, I came home for the holidays and she's been very distant and weird with me. Sort of condescending and judgemental. I was already in a bad mood, as I usually am during the holidays, but this made it worst and there's been a lot of tension between us. She keeps making comments about how I'm difficult and a drama queen, for no reason. She even mentioned it to my sister. I tried being nice and non-reactive, until she instigated me tonight and I lost it and we got into a screaming match which resulted in me crying and self-loathing, and my mom invalidating my feelings, saying how I always blow things out of proportion. Anyway, this has been a pattern where she's invalidated my feelings for pretty much my whole life, so I never really know if I actually am overreacting or I have a right to be mad. And every time this happens she becomes cold and distant, which just makes things worse. I feel so misunderstood and judged, especially since telling her about my diagnosis. I thought it would make her more sympathetic towards my mood swings, but she seems even more resentful. Anyone else experience this?? Am I being a drama queen, splitting?? I don't know anymore, i feel like such a nuisance. ",4.065021058965101,6.258879898916966,5.141574909747291,78.7570314380265,73.11552346570396,8.371179302045729,28.148164861612514,9.075114841892004,2.4867883273164866,1160,46,215,26,24,381,160,277,0.172,0.727,0.102,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,0,3,16,16,2,1,11,0,21,1,0,8,2,54,45,27,0,2,6,4,6,2,0,1,1,2,1,1,17,21,0,1,13,4,0,1,4,9,0,0,14,9,46,4,21,27,8,18,0,1,0,0,24,9,0,7,10,160,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.11052170523383004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498102331064485,0.0,0.09423822386370713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231970884901296,0.0791913622422913,0.11604435190771832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456418895880002,0.0,0.12508256512123198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953491096805758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440660795988155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980140720036612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461101505164114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496092923193727,0.0,0.09542322580673096,0.0,0.0,0.11078628717750784,0.0,0.0,0.343594399507592,0.16182049128192413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059171685438275085,0.0,0.0,0.0949939197961264,0.09058132227278397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015207586615636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196613842258417,0.11360519414429653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066730656863647,0.0,0.0,0.18672792237631528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999619724587377,0.11066250848291544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363251150616865,0.09628636369996632,0.0,0.10716574655745482,0.2267981612747384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39793284703241255,0.0,0.0,0.08325633197492642,0.0,0.08735015669561637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889093768293007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522226281177675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255481618940318,0.11644622737154944,0.1118268255062001,0.0,0.0,0.09672016848503186,0.0,0.09006586903296401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062083657727747,0.11815090770542006,0.0,0.0,0.09368669173869808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899090309954968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048476193032906,0.0,0.0,0.08991276499351078,0.06604059588559574,0.0,0.0,0.1082211442031566,0.0,0.07689351951028893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623325317693094,0.0,0.12473569392041713,0.09344821890869004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644649289120832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541773460561867,0.08045394876753167,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anananners,2018/12/30,"I don’t deserve to be physically hurt I may be a brat. I may be stubborn, passive aggressive , sensitive and maybe a little crazy. But I didn’t deserve for you to put your hands on me. To push me, throw things at me, corner me, pull my hair or threaten to beat me. I didn’t deserve to be called a bitch, a whore, thrashbag, cunt. 

You knew I was weak and would take you back at the sound of hearing you cry. But not this time. I’m done. ",1.2657608695652165,2.7810703586956578,2.8754347826086963,94.92989130434783,79.1086956521739,5.9043478260869575,23.45652173913044,6.6274283507984215,0.4216043478260865,331,11,79,3,8,109,60,92,0.302,0.68,0.018000000000000002,-0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,0,1,2,7,4,0,5,0,12,4,2,0,0,11,16,5,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,5,4,17,0,10,4,0,11,0,1,0,1,7,5,2,3,2,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299716325894155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053908971376201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32852187023195817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060594492935573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33708134011289825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201679478041543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997535686005122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004628890659151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006548344068614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486856657045728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869336621855813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439411320148926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245560947356626,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Andyyy22,2018/12/30,"Reborn by kids see ghost (Kanye west and kid cudi) I think is such a powerful song for sufferers of bpd and mental illness in general At least for me personally, this is definitely the most relatable song I’ve ever listened to. And I think it is so powerful and I’ve been using it as a tool to “keep moving forward” when things get rough and I just love it and I wanted to share it with y’all. ",3.2877777777777797,4.438088333333333,5.262654320987657,81.37694444444449,73.07407407407408,8.85679012345679,25.84567901234568,9.2995712137729,2.0719530864197533,309,10,64,7,6,107,58,81,0.096,0.735,0.16899999999999998,0.743,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,16,13,9,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,6,7,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,2,11,12,2,7,0,1,1,1,7,4,0,1,3,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797051079859328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27270707047600845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751152133740387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26797040660782273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720986184185711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038222128273728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32042688028810096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632418178652236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402415407166003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200290760810498,0.3863540513846376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603830213490637,0.0,0.0,0.17782146522089476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ServyBoy,2019/03/17,"Someone convince me not to give into the crash I'm gonna try to keep myself short here, nobody wants to hear a drawn out backstory, but if you want to ask something, shoot.

I grew up in a small rural village, and for some reason I stopped pondering about, I was the ""village idiot"", I guess. From hurling insults at me when I went home from school, to holding me down and force feeding me ink cartridges. the whole shebang. And while it started out with my classmates, it got to their parents, teachers and finally  people I don't even know, and suddenly the whole town had a weirdo to pick on. I pretty much hid in my room for most of my early days, only going out for nightwalks.
I m 23 now, and out of the shithole. I have been in therapy since I was 15, and was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19ish. I don't wanna stroke my ego, but I was a pro when I came to therapy. I was there on the dot, always took my meds (I even have a little calendar to monitor dosage) and I tried to ask for ""homework"" every time. But I was/am also a mayor pothead, and when I don't have access to that, alcohol is my go to. If I think about it, maybe I wasn't that much of a pro.
I was in a bad spill the last year, but I had a month or so of being surprisingly stable, with the help of some new meds. They mostly make me less nervous. But they also made me realize that I don't like people. The DnD group I finally ( after years of trying) found, are actually really hard to be around. My friends feel distant and uninteresting. I only interact with my family when I have to. I always was someone who could only be around people for an hour or two before he wants to leave, but this never felt so right, so justified, like it does now. 

Anyway, lets get to now. My therapist quite on me. My moms depression is getting worse. My brother just fucked of to mexico (European btw). My sister has to deal with my newborn niece and some family problems on her partners side. And while my father doesn't show it, he has a hard time handling all of us. And these are the only reasons why I m still alive, really. 

I don't wanna kill myself, nor do I ""not want to live"". I m just not interested in living. It's lackluster and painful, with no real reward. But I can't off myself, 'cause I can see quite clearly how that's gonna turn out. My mum won't handle that, and either be hospitalized or follow my example (she feels quite responsible for my state). Then my dad is gonna be alone in a big house. I can't do this to them. I have been carrying around that thought for the last couple of years, staying alive for my family and trying to get stable for them. It doesn't work that way tho.


Now before I ramble the whole night, here's my conundrum: Why be stable(alive ? There nothing to it. I rather be high of my balls, not even knowing that I exist, then, lets say, go to a party. Or play with my niece. Or socialize with my friends. Being a human, basically. And this is getting heavier and heavier on me. So I really feel like blowing my last 60 Bucks on whatever seems fun in the moment and just fade out. Sleeping for several days and not eating is something I m really good at. Probably better than therapy. So why not ? I m really done with being forced to exist, but if I have to stay, I might aswell throw my pants out and make myself as comfortable as I can.

Ok, rambling ends here. This is almost to incoherent to post, but I m gonna do it anyway, I case someone takes it upon themselves to decipher this. I probably should get some sleep",3.1946515388628067,4.482803677464791,4.7614397496087655,84.34371413667189,73.49295774647888,7.8508085550339075,25.11997913406364,8.401726058763845,1.5552295252999475,2721,85,559,46,54,916,321,710,0.09699999999999999,0.785,0.11699999999999999,0.9620000000000001,2,1,3,1,0,1,109.0,1,1,5,6,38,24,4,1,27,1,59,9,2,8,3,115,105,59,1,13,28,7,7,3,3,7,4,2,3,3,25,42,3,3,14,3,1,9,20,9,0,1,22,10,94,15,97,64,14,92,0,1,1,1,35,39,1,18,42,401,119,3,0.0,0.0,0.060597804273759714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636290652042315,0.06218126782909734,0.06431385990970767,0.0,0.09931804423033147,0.10333951023860397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658387319439863,0.11610479723947227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184847810399288,0.0,0.0,0.10568010341574983,0.0,0.0,0.054919831693416535,0.0,0.0,0.07820911368481337,0.0,0.0,0.07102253050524365,0.0,0.06379081901521137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957947515333861,0.06870925130011689,0.0,0.08009497447703269,0.06401937527817346,0.053484134431661716,0.06302724134526047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054341583759284266,0.06354688486543943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354082777159592,0.0,0.0,0.054999592204802925,0.0,0.0,0.12304363103596958,0.0,0.05231947831761365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561883578905169,0.0,0.09419446671977266,0.04436217500191143,0.05962294653786308,0.1360486582214647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808625632509377,0.09595211863178542,0.057407761024761535,0.1622158382894511,0.05956918908809169,0.10587362540086853,0.05208409467465299,0.04966471722754738,0.0,0.06840694783326441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125359481456862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998793587286667,0.0,0.041622371882310515,0.06560898716775461,0.06228844646102449,0.0,0.06115312720920683,0.07165170696512989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055194748645133615,0.06870123195606591,0.0,0.06825387567486428,0.1518522541433803,0.0,0.06575185441878224,0.0,0.12699696775243768,0.0,0.09101250766041853,0.06223759977294819,0.10966573998680014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058757769987358176,0.08290058233356798,0.0,0.06238487542822267,0.0,0.13795174106556854,0.0,0.0,0.06587520159316401,0.0,0.07272736375644515,0.04956530647126547,0.0,0.09129701534904408,0.0,0.0478931055897514,0.0599737584990651,0.0,0.058273914360952535,0.0,0.059583834635214224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889105469686004,0.06607568416207378,0.0,0.06895147207867852,0.0,0.0,0.12915091472165052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947184900754175,0.0631750669705604,0.13390233606771246,0.0594185307416646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981437033829573,0.0,0.07068008559032614,0.19890493642231066,0.12769230586425942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303057735836485,0.0,0.049382100030565125,0.0,0.06284557240801325,0.04948334266394806,0.05653086044172601,0.0,0.07015203883543435,0.0,0.05136735627654727,0.0,0.12428387574917572,0.06330016532201316,0.15784399386413756,0.09561075057189827,0.0,0.0,0.043952641398462416,0.13237447578947206,0.04959081796300404,0.05191594951708268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668928517872117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304030988557385,0.07209951005794434,0.0,0.039789309245279895,0.0,0.049298154812775725,0.07241862754706807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899215416845576,0.16863939749560586,0.06754380457300578,0.06065983591869729,0.0,0.07469515597978918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465058951967144,0.049289781325133016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756462649836006,0.16809890109905004,0.2079875571349594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520742261964674,0.0,0.06328224195016477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996547413261124
bpd,fourseasonsaday,2019/03/17,"BPD + Bulimia. Coping with relapse. I was binge free for 9 days, and I’ve spent the past 3 days binging and purging 2-3x a day. Really bummed and discouraged. I thought I was headed in a new direction, and I reversed course, hard. I’m also sad about the money I’ve spent on binge food over the past few days. I even binged on the “healthy” expensive groceries I bought to help myself. I’m exhausted and I’m not sure how to turn myself back around. I just want this to end. It’s so hard not to see these behaviors as who I am, as all I am.",0.4660526315789468,2.489466219298251,2.5027192982456117,94.03986842105265,84.17543859649123,6.2561403508771924,20.903508771929825,7.492282038375204,0.6269087719298243,415,13,96,7,12,139,75,114,0.125,0.7809999999999999,0.094,-0.3238,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,4,3,1,1,2,16,14,10,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,1,0,6,0,2,3,0,0,6,3,11,3,14,8,2,14,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,0,9,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558410272050802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347957622283994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984642311642352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454375477868697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027115945826673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726009208393048,0.0,0.0,0.1287127362759211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356429583912444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491384597938994,0.0,0.19999740691124468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306202360128667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882109580846812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372059425929024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484156267244532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552897061163746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366686281730346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470854555937313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196744191991995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149419995932777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lkatz35,2019/03/17,"Vent I had a major depressive episode for 3 months at the end of last year. I've been on a slow uphill since and people are starting to comment that I seem to be doing much better.

Trouble is 2 weeks ago I moved into a house where I'm living on my own for the first time, and my cpn of two years left to go on maternity leave last week. My new cpn sounds so patronising when she speaks to me.

I'm doing everything I should to maintain stability but I can feel everything crashing around me. I've lost my two biggest support systems in the space of 2 weeks and I'm at a complete loss.

I don't want to let people down again. ",2.142102706453852,3.708103709923666,3.917140874392782,88.1900208188758,76.78625954198473,6.595697432338652,24.122831367106176,7.348242739294969,0.9156656488549624,490,16,107,6,11,165,88,131,0.099,0.856,0.045,-0.5397,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,5,6,0,0,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,10,21,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,3,3,3,13,2,20,15,3,33,0,3,0,0,3,13,0,1,17,65,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149893081760884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210109625790035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117633797217782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736495776215488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748574978933886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138136949840638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869233414484628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071176633712425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357779025815551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907192068939795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418711942274965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602331979998007,0.0,0.1690210209226875,0.17343425468442378,0.16322853046005534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095279514668818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425077465741218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741205211888434,0.1696573116113816,0.1173435705950352,0.0,0.0,0.1541679087181315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132931613172094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531763141830278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320443822719219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298419469816202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114183793199826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307927867604623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118630641405053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415162582193047,0.0,0.3841273531552191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558798523737767
bpd,hibbetso,2019/03/17,"Need your best coping strategies! Hi everyone! This is my first post here but I've been reading all your posts for awhile! I was diagnosed with BPD as a teen and am now happily married!

This week my husband is going for some diagnostic tests for his heart. He has them yearly. But every year I have an incredibly hard time coping while he's in the tests. I feel so scared of being abandoned, or something going wrong. My heart rate has gotten close to 170 beats per minutes while I was waiting just from anxiety. I also struggled to not argue over everything while we are at the hospital.

So I was wondering if any of you guys have beem through something similar or if you had any coping strategies that I could use?

Thank you in advance :)",3.6013747954173496,5.949819382978723,4.205957446808512,84.22615384615386,75.02836879432624,7.175340971085652,27.1582105837425,8.139509932561175,1.9218102564102557,587,23,108,10,13,186,102,141,0.135,0.757,0.10800000000000001,-0.6503,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,1,5,1,4,6,7,1,2,4,0,15,3,2,1,1,21,24,14,0,4,8,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,2,1,0,3,1,5,0,1,6,2,18,2,15,16,3,19,0,1,0,0,14,5,0,6,9,76,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361061623731094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723481754024705,0.0,0.12781268211911267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533595344283795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104263722827227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333965903033149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957862231657178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076873529686615,0.15964827716800525,0.15015713500325742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447864529287055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211475961121695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990628128335155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543150690866068,0.0,0.0,0.14966727825728754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959717271015909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238847364315587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200252464191498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671212123881749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727222189295407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25724653363485833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466411050468816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538211327409525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742335875225656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430001976304227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340182887294133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811867942016332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267137715008766,0.0,0.21518293143035616
bpd,massiveotter411,2019/03/17,"Feeling lost, sad and hopeless Hey there,

I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for two years now, sporadically attend dbt, have been substance and alcohol free 8 months, moved to a city where I have a full time job and am held accountable for my actions. AND AM MISERABLE. 

I don’t know if I miss the drama of my life- I hope I don’t- I hated losing relationships, spending time in the psych ward or detox and everyone assuming I’m going to die. 

I’m doing all the “right” things- meds, therapist, work, exercise, sleep and am just really lonely sad and hopeless that this is all that there is when doing normal things. That being said I don’t have any new friends here, I’m single again and don’t know how to do either without a substance in my body. Idk. I miss my fp more than ever and want to prove I’m doing well, I’m great love me again!!! 

I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful jerk to friends and family who only want to see me healthy and am not sure what to do. Sorry for the rant. Thanks.",3.0948,4.646035479999998,4.212,87.12850000000002,74.2,7.6,24.0,8.278499904357787,1.2992499999999998,776,23,163,13,16,253,122,200,0.21100000000000002,0.631,0.158,-0.9035,1,3,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,3,12,22,2,1,8,0,22,8,2,1,5,34,44,15,1,6,6,0,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,8,12,1,1,5,2,3,4,7,12,1,1,5,4,15,11,17,38,6,19,0,10,1,1,7,5,0,4,11,103,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157538242066098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002449890265146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374113128046155,0.18565983513186468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961973976761128,0.1529900378160405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334229295052116,0.0,0.14085816571638793,0.0,0.0,0.13896660104535727,0.0,0.07453576843573899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22777977765511495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377744788139244,0.0,0.0,0.16252188409522947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455385031640795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641304750520234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462833342411524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202719488645395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412122040760564,0.0720178948081341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649159497597855,0.16091724886014638,0.0,0.1330447854735513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374113128046155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766258680287778,0.15667527382410285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237110728614266,0.0,0.0,0.14443213592724946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211321594247656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443568904745436,0.0,0.0,0.158264963879051,0.0,0.12588875880859698,0.140222252955555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174680137379706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751812668618516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650152932669574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893375230206567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571685827531008,0.0,0.17115630800257298,0.1958675237621004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191385782799584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399977963154145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26084166281777565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254079273028546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209958730633185,0.0,0.10731744978117468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492828094492478
bpd,NastyRat21,2019/03/17,Do you have BPD and also a very toxic family? I've seen plenty of posts about people with BPD who also seem to be very distant from their families because they either faced some kind of abuse or toxic behaviour. I've also noticed that I show most of the BPD symptoms when I'm with my family. Like I can control my mood swings when I'm around other people but when I'm with my family I get triggered by literally anything they do. I can hardly stay with them for more than a few days without going crazy. Can anyone relate? ,4.77542857142857,5.578118923809524,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,69.28571428571428,8.285714285714286,25.47619047619048,8.418075326091056,1.699476190476191,417,11,77,6,7,140,71,105,0.027999999999999997,0.925,0.047,0.2305,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,1,4,1,8,3,0,0,3,0,7,2,1,2,0,15,14,9,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,12,2,15,12,5,8,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,4,5,54,15,0,0.0,0.16242205529327178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32887793698557216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585227969849118,0.0,0.1128084040650606,0.12203377198016625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356509875597991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5179572787897551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375129758424355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840780200299175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169221619311966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162070183244995,0.0,0.07790796341380034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280028611917272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427518306841962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697228974788601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560709767025284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900734899914111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128852306003905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479607240336875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611324271289075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424827043782153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22621721769999004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321440283625148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jerz0076,2019/03/17,Is there a doctor in the house? So it's been 3 years on the waiting list in eastern Ontario for a doctor. Never should have paid attention to the let's talk campaign and all the other crap these normies tell themselves to artificially  reinforce their value systems.... value systems they clearly don't understand.,6.9332142857142856,8.755143035714287,6.727142857142859,71.76785714285714,65.07142857142857,8.457142857142857,37.214285714285715,8.841846274778883,3.639907142857142,254,13,38,4,4,80,46,56,0.046,0.82,0.134,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,6,0,6,3,1,0,3,8,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,6,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,28,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6450627703422829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363597955671935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32222426936592724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24303447916025744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532757966921366,0.2754225462953281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32804362114797897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292236334792704
bpd,Bats-and-Cats,2019/03/17,"Having trouble accepting my diagnosis Hi everyone 

I was diagnosed with bipolar II in 2015, but was recently hospitalized again and re-diagnosed with BPD and major depression. Seeing ""Borderline personality disorder"" written out as my official diagnosis still feels unreal. I've been very dissociative since Monday, and I feel like I've never existed. Who I thought I was before completely disappeared and I'm in a near constant crisis mode :/ 

I can barely do my school work, I just want to quit and lay in bed for the rest of my life. I feel like everything I've known my entire life has been a lie. Every symptom of BPD describes what I always thought were my ""personality traits."" I'm having so much trouble grounding myself. I really feel like I could evaporate at any second. 

I know not having a sense of self is part of the disorder, but that just cements the fact that I feel nothing other than this disorder. I'm not a person, I'm just a shell that is filled with BPD and nothing else. I thought I had DID for the longest time but now I feel like I have no personality.

I'm not depressed enough to go to the hospital, but I'm having a very hard time functioning :/ Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to finally have the correct diagnosis, but it's very difficult to deal with. I researched DID and BPD all last summer because I knew bipolar was the wrong diagnosis, and I thought I had BPD, but it completely blindsided me when it was confirmed. 

What can I do to come to terms with this diagnosis? Other than waiting for it to fully sink in",4.848986132511556,6.428949105084747,6.319545454545455,73.63765408320495,69.8135593220339,9.973805855161787,32.05315870570108,10.230975488527342,3.576661016949152,1226,55,220,34,22,417,149,295,0.14300000000000002,0.755,0.102,-0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,0,0,13,0,27,6,0,0,4,48,53,17,0,2,12,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,1,5,14,15,0,1,14,0,0,4,6,7,0,1,18,8,30,6,30,34,7,26,0,2,1,0,8,8,0,0,18,147,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679415439087902,0.0,0.0,0.05552660039612496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049774696139921484,0.0,0.0694803891554001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141932566948941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033652593795167,0.17122249512583787,0.08823750448392828,0.0,0.06519299501860758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841802943798062,0.14065461156230355,0.16575143719654542,0.0,0.0,0.28074302480957797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682103096794658,0.0,0.0,0.0843690121593995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879587730179211,0.07802260398468679,0.07338413472201387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477161922610237,0.2333306712077576,0.0,0.08944648435959633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042660138312623136,0.0,0.046405081350119684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869207617568944,0.07314473408720579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487415975169368,0.06655780587508628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534735959322168,0.15956543684487698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060024091102779425,0.0,0.06297555560000838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669583522412445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884218604213288,0.0,0.0,0.2851837697825612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684764160748848,0.0,0.0,0.05230877692533607,0.0,0.08062213891359346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263683865683798,0.06506658857960068,0.0,0.08518151928819083,0.0,0.0,0.06754391391798516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520790989480844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486836515719935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592923262052252,0.09522463096530964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211595702499632,0.04816084713591852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944409997345961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854870433359069,0.0,0.0
bpd,kishthegirl,2019/03/17,"Kim Possible metaphor Does anybody know that episode of Kim Possible where she gets captured by Dr. Drakken and he plunged her into like a giant tank with a squid and a shark and then freezes ice over the top so she can’t get out? 

I feel like I exist on top of that thin pane of ice and it could shatter at any moment. I sometimes forget it’s there and feel like I’m fine and functioning and then something will hit the ice and I fall into the tank and it’s like suddenly I’m in this adrenaline-filled escape/fight scenario. Except the shark and the squid are just  inside me. And no one else sees or feels or understands why I’m so upset or riled up because they obviously can’t see the imaginary shark-squid attack going on in my body.

Idk. Not as cohesive a thought when I wrote it out as when I thought it. I was just introduced to BPD by a diagnostic my new therapist gave me a few days ago and I’m not confirmed but everything I’ve seen and read feels too familiar. 

Idk. DAE feel like they exist on top of a thin sheet of ice? ",1.9831690140845064,4.001883877934277,3.1888521126760594,91.168911971831,78.76525821596246,6.889107981220657,24.26502347417841,7.908726449838941,1.2107034741784046,818,29,178,14,20,264,123,213,0.055999999999999994,0.8590000000000001,0.085,0.7075,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,2,3,9,8,1,1,13,0,6,2,1,0,1,40,28,25,0,1,9,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,18,0,0,9,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,6,11,16,6,24,19,1,30,0,0,3,0,8,19,0,3,14,100,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320227137661793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128153817381877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943611902678085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907899592487478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654342406483771,0.1875795873874479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891321936762175,0.0,0.0,0.0960513523063192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033483412977648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244168566842593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385400851443074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37653240074386624,0.319199569861031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562575040383192,0.0,0.08464372003133311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185129093958328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638128565348453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438432472034723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092283920848376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358057612503636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897623203495108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373653034060009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465815361594756,0.14730144093307587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292609147842206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647698082886326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504755340746545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439150938989214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sparklyheartemoji,2019/03/17,"Does anyone else struggle to remember things (long term)? I went through some trauma as a child/teenager and when I try to think back, I find that my brain refuses to remember entire chunks of time. Sometimes, even whole years seem blacked out. It depends on the day. 

But it's not just my childhood -- it's recent events too. I barely remember any of November 2018-December 2018. To the point where people find it strange that I don't remember doing or saying things. It's almost as if I'm slipping into a dissociative state, because half the time I couldn't tell you what I did last week. 

Is this normal existence? I feel like I used to have clarity and was able to view my life as a timeline. Now I feel nonlinear. I just exist without the past, just the present. It really scares me...am I alone in this? ",2.5869230769230747,5.060920705128208,3.4919871794871824,87.39259615384617,79.12820512820512,6.976923076923077,25.134615384615394,8.07648339933343,1.6607769230769232,634,24,123,12,16,202,108,156,0.086,0.878,0.036000000000000004,-0.7349,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,8,0,7,2,1,2,0,29,14,9,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,13,4,0,1,10,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,5,16,1,17,10,3,24,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,6,17,79,29,0,0.13367996095356774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386117086464594,0.13845212378107372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090695752961488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347213691264364,0.1369709175638422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279163840175236,0.0,0.08149006342475644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923104704164716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621251574780871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698423468382695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167245393877584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829435344409294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518520978305945,0.095500990815748,0.0,0.0,0.2443621249897447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896701020387108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442210980762653,0.06530927648626578,0.0,0.0,0.1183025587808608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097797879131098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276126489330532,0.0926768530483936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637077228304358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563880605788858,0.0,0.13199283417099367,0.0,0.605733345637687,0.0,0.0,0.10630767047102964,0.13383696157226274,0.0,0.0,0.12169721578391934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322128995708292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397513202199778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684217805620645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762205210439516,0.08565672121880195,0.0,0.0,0.1558997205155886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075991850437454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545656524047493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723000122601012,0.0,0.0,0.12392266308617594,0.0,0.14924890241803054,0.0,0.12886271197870816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608551198441555
bpd,seekingadviceanon123,2019/03/17,"I need help/vent session I just need to vent, feel free to give advice.

This is a throwaway account, you know, for obvious reasons that you'll see soon enough.

I have BPD. I was never diagnosed with it, but I am about 90% sure I do, as a youth I was diagnosed with damn near everything a kid can be diagnosed with. I was hopped up on every pill or potion my parents could find to keep me from stabbing holes in the walls, throwing temper tantrums (at 16), killing small animals (lizards, frogs, rats, mice, bugs), and partially to assist me with some form of social help. It never worked but it got me out of my youth alive. I was institutionalized from 13-16. I was in a group home for youth with mental health issues. I didn't really know what to do, and I don't really remember a lot of that time of my life to be honest. I left that institution at 16 and went home with the some of same issues I had when I went in. I was no longer killing animals, I didn't have daily temper tantrums, I wasn't stabbing holes in walls,but I was still extremely manipulative, had my grandiose sense of self (and hating myself at the same time), and still couldn't keep friends, though I did become very good at making first impressions. 

I'm back home and start getting in to arguements with my parents, leading up to them kicking me out of the house when I graduate high school.

Fast forward a few months after leaving the institution, I'm in college. I've always been fairly intelligent, I was studying calculus, English literature, and took the act while I was there and score very well. I complete my first semester. (summer semester because I wasn't given a ton of time to get out of the house) I start on fall semester and finish on par with my class, which is eh. Start of spring semester I get the ""travel bug"" and I decide I wanna go somewhere, and I make an attempt to use my trust fund money to pay for a trip to a location of my choosing. My parents fond out and they put a swift end to it. I said f it, and drop out, go rent an apartment, and tried to find a job. Couldn't do it, got evicted and landed in a homeless shelter. 

I didn't want to stay there. I thought I was too good for it so I decided to bicycle across my country. It takes about 6 months, but I completed it. I stopped at my grandmother's house on the other end of the country, at which point I feel pressured to get out because I do not want to end up as a 30 year old dude living in his grandmother's basement. I decided to join the uniformed service. I making through initial training with out too many issues, but one thing that I noted was that I had a lot of issues with my peers EVERYONE hated me. I had no friends. No one wanted to be around me. I got to my job training and I got held back 2 times because of my inability to get along with others, but I graduated. I then got sent overseas and things got a bit better. I'll admit I'm not having nearly any of the issues that I was when I was 15 or 16 but I really shouldn't be. 

I've had a dream since I was a kid to be a pilot, but the process is extremely stressful and intense. I can't shake the feeling. Some people say I'm not ready, and some say I am. I've lied to everyone so no one know the full and complete story, and now that I need advice, the advice is based off false stories and lies. I just don't know what to do. I just don't want to wake up at 80 and regret not taking the opportunity/risk to do it. I can't imagine the pain.

What should I do. (Besides seek help, I don't really have an option)",3.9616143678160896,4.510756560000001,5.225590517241383,84.4998570402299,70.98620689655172,8.303735632183907,28.20761494252873,8.408885092690799,1.7966373563218387,2746,95,587,41,48,917,304,725,0.13,0.778,0.092,-0.98,7,0,0,0,0,2,94.0,0,2,2,6,23,26,9,3,39,0,61,8,1,7,4,114,116,42,2,14,16,3,3,0,2,3,7,3,4,3,27,43,0,4,18,2,6,15,24,14,1,5,40,7,87,13,102,65,14,98,0,1,1,0,23,44,1,9,39,397,114,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763369291344036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041861543587523,0.0,0.0,0.04120563282447775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053941028821414175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931852660018736,0.0,0.11081163830271276,0.06692071953415668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535899941379627,0.06615236826121748,0.0,0.07631534574434659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059328002561932,0.0,0.0,0.04837894984206924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450326904202946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100346994685238,0.06260924515462912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105260613313722,0.11579930155518768,0.054457497648430435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919136268938393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076265527043223,0.10308153771270627,0.0,0.0,0.09362871874239342,0.0,0.15828791813392376,0.05812677125186274,0.06887332304379633,0.10164584421442567,0.2907727671066647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964700044242528,0.0,0.0644080179192879,0.0,0.0,0.12184356341254995,0.06402032069845387,0.18234055228045692,0.0,0.0,0.2097501633474575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162191646015711,0.12025932503193686,0.1077165084136122,0.13407537875749634,0.0,0.13320233090764105,0.0,0.0,0.06415972853910093,0.06583497507699819,0.0,0.04279895503023619,0.0,0.0,0.05350513814240674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302879116500464,0.0,0.0,0.12133982163556478,0.06143226117972605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061063959185907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673024848544284,0.0,0.0,0.13478785559044554,0.09346682859959576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358264672633722,0.0,0.1231790965365764,0.0,0.06447571701738994,0.0,0.20184561044147706,0.0,0.0,0.042007877964633566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057280408276169974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091316655774812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527089647889428,0.062300172011897324,0.0,0.0,0.0686405818326883,0.0,0.057638259280764485,0.09637270798393598,0.0,0.061323819704022564,0.04828514512009437,0.0,0.06321219707636397,0.0,0.0,0.050123538926882684,0.0,0.0,0.06176740503276884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866509540891025,0.06458456957019472,0.09678003599026816,0.050658848443279884,0.0694096073886507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057108621985799676,0.0,0.09111748677602996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051120903655401,0.0,0.05953276995875825,0.04810444143705783,0.14133014272117306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732156715433217,0.04113898406348551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233329729382402,0.0,0.09999190602613267,0.14295837810642928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448080041252553,0.11234149492016472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044112762885063335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03902020367562546
bpd,ineedtohealformykid,2019/03/17,"Have you ever had your feelings of abandonment confirmed? Have you ever felt like someone was abandoning you, only to realize it wasn’t your imagination?

On multiple occasions my husband has chosen other people over me. When we visited his family, he would suggest that I stay in the guest room while he went to hang out with his family. It would be subtle like “you want to work on homework in here?” My response was I can make decisions for myself, I don’t need you to tell me if when or I need to do homework. I showed zero indication of wanting or needing to do homework so it made no sense.

Then later in an argument about why he did that  he admitted that he hates confrontation and will always choose the crowd over one person. In this case, he was “protecting” me from them but in reality he was trying to be part of the crowd because he has Stockholm syndrome - he has complained over and over about his father’s abusive behavior, essentially making him out to be an enemy and yet when we go and meet him , he acts like the guy is his best friend and completely ignores me, looks the other way when I’m talking and acts like he’s embarrassed of me. 

After apologizing to me, he tells me he wants to redeem himself by showing me he won’t do that again and suggests we visit him again in the future. But he has done this to me with other people and I don’t want to be disappointed again. He has no idea how much this affects me and I think I married the wrong person.",5.1456437807321045,5.9361795432526,6.14348934620288,78.10842651611732,68.44636678200692,9.267601529775998,30.08941904935349,9.414487439383343,2.648684429065744,1164,43,220,23,19,387,152,289,0.141,0.784,0.075,-0.9687,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,7,1,2,15,15,2,1,9,0,30,0,0,5,2,49,49,22,0,10,5,2,2,4,2,4,0,0,4,3,13,16,0,4,9,2,0,7,6,9,0,2,11,3,40,6,38,30,3,39,0,3,1,0,55,15,0,3,19,166,53,4,0.0,0.15863624177941718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140614220424527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816173221465425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050795333308055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403797775493799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701464765238056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422200284249837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524367423906537,0.0,0.06769816068740453,0.0,0.12855416955812002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344209439748267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760920461099816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257088461392666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218739378665806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114407000884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26164506611576976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243280564111137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266887459346719,0.1787435230328412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842361601399603,0.2978303723237454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072646301178004,0.10182840624497023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498843843299838,0.0,0.18564316317566126,0.23381293522995905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344347956176705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270756306047666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761468303076033,0.2340492886110571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579048678967742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909016534685268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158841484028677,0.1062746354196018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411618655446036,0.12081374643624156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974725841340472,0.0,0.0,0.19022141313383856,0.1463862991697354,0.0,0.0
bpd,izzieriver00,2019/03/17,"Anyone else just... not eat? I’ve never really battled eating disorders but since my Mom passed (she couldn’t eat towards the end of her life) Ive stopped eating. I’ve lost a scary amount of weight. I’ll eat like one small meal a day maybe. I told myself, first, I was too lazy to cook for myself then I told myself I didn’t deserve to eat. Idk. Is it punishment? Or just depression. 

Is this just me?",0.04593126385809399,2.3871701341463454,1.7075166297117512,96.0979046563193,91.56097560975607,4.933037694013303,15.991130820399116,6.574015621080383,-0.2892097560975606,309,7,68,4,11,100,60,82,0.27,0.677,0.053,-0.9663,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,3,0,6,10,0,0,1,9,9,3,0,1,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,5,1,12,1,6,3,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326935134940728,0.1366737624373777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602547975888848,0.0,0.11488856458258632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287643388148572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8189472903665179,0.11143018322348104,0.0,0.11814389946071133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113461419481881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942172633009376,0.06516758957448368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456108826439711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134008129060588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622469198841987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287854918245562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038847921527694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545301471840558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034154131362772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151996722655624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549196184108232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243301813249753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,liorakw,2019/03/17,"Hesitation in giving diagnosis Hi, hello I’ve been lurking for a little bit. I’m not actually diagnosed with BPD but I was recently released from the hospital and started seeing a new therapist and when I was talking to her one day and she said that it sounds like I might have BPD but didn’t want to give an official diagnosis. Which made me curious about other people’s experiences if their doctors had been hesitant in diagnosing you???",4.875435540069689,7.200610585365857,6.9663763066202105,65.98158536585368,71.1951219512195,11.027177700348432,33.66550522648084,10.914260884657429,4.685457839721256,356,18,58,13,7,125,68,82,0.065,0.813,0.122,0.6798,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,0,11,16,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,3,8,1,8,7,1,8,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,2,6,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.18057288568370525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202016356976516,0.0,0.4661041935127366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933584758898047,0.0,0.0,0.3756245290664854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939684513212413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100516570479816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35501551583884233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040146662359397,0.1854592443359417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175089843767674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629878325186087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871331754116576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538826647252158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828381951828785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827052209860566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760159381806176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745336213401264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097265463425722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148728585952534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484634210058287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914171141346476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meldecker,2019/03/17,“Craziest” thing you’ve done I know it can be hard to admit because most of us feel so much shame and guilt after we have an episode but what’s the craziest thing you’ve done when you’ve ever felt like you’re being abandoned or to get back at a so (or anybody really)? ,3.2128947368421072,3.9918151578947385,4.45872807017544,88.47651315789473,72.85964912280701,7.805263157894737,24.77631578947368,8.07648339933343,1.1949684210526312,212,6,47,3,4,70,46,57,0.196,0.7240000000000001,0.08,-0.5703,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,12,11,7,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,3,1,5,6,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386698412154287,0.0,0.1695471963625088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5692529173733057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515870751589152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406323197279057,0.0,0.2670511413025225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453129282197866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491523917756363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285453383051026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588165549698586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445963812768966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781790178670614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695581974146152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33455955823158096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yungnolin,2019/03/17,"I(21m) broke up with my girlfriend(22f) who has BPD, and I'd like you all to know I regret it wholeheartedly. She was the most loving person I've ever met and I'll never meet someone who loved me like she did. I miss her personality so much. I miss her generosity, and her support. 
      I don't know why I'm making this post I just want y'all to know if you are broken up with, and you think your mental illness(BPD) is to blame, it might be your S/Os mental health thats actually to blame. Shes so much happier now with someone who I'm sure understands empathy so much better.
Shes the best girlfriend I've ever had and I hope anyone reading will stop seeing their mental illness as a problem in a relationship, just find the one that understands empathy, because apparently I don't. ",3.7116666666666656,5.157541605095545,5.2959394904458605,80.39618099787687,72.43949044585987,8.035881104033969,26.459129511677283,8.59863814320734,1.8620874734607216,620,21,122,11,12,210,96,157,0.141,0.648,0.212,0.9366,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,6,1,2,8,14,0,0,5,0,13,4,0,1,5,31,31,10,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,1,23,9,11,24,6,9,0,4,1,2,25,3,0,4,7,80,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.12688318039652194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091473824056884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926049441228666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645056658490534,0.1149943136655841,0.0,0.0,0.3275175131921191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522554654576625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188381873098416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820781163217952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291416562546364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143708569263876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704482795720992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470072162095676,0.0,0.0867910122261779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930962219295496,0.13793329952422206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867444408347887,0.0,0.10028134895517184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810659459863633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706122130594275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452559026806563,0.0,0.0,0.1244139494053512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300576617114477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395954794376821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361107913230808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220335243583992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870461177559812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475479646824223,0.122544644672618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331315240423671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707159655578462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669062498295913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732506069170015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SailorLunaMoon,2019/03/17,"Guilt waves I feel bored with my life right now. Nothing is terrible or awful, but nothing is really out of this world wonderful. Job is good. Man is good. Money is ok. But my life itself is just alright and I teel horrible guilt all the time. 

I can't figure out if anything I feel is real or just the product of my own imagination. My bf told me I was extremely negative so I feel guilty whenever I don't like something. I had my birthday a few days ago and it was ok. I used to party a lot but partying isn't fun anymore. I'm sure my friends were really bored. A bunch of them didn't show up and the place I wanted to go to was closed. They went out for St. Paddys and had the crazy wild night I wanted to have for my birthday. So now I feel like shit and guilty for being so lame. I don't wanna be in my house right now. 

So now I feel like a whiny pathetic waste. I feel good for a second, then it all comes back. The magic is that I can't figure out what's real and what's been made up. 

Another birthday went spent crying. I'm tired and enough is enough. ",0.5932647171989203,2.5480908274336294,2.705005771450562,93.1703712966526,83.20353982300884,6.0543285879184285,19.118122354751826,7.255503002510835,0.2803553674490185,821,21,188,12,23,277,118,226,0.256,0.596,0.14800000000000002,-0.9843,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,0,11,19,1,2,10,4,25,4,1,2,3,43,44,18,0,4,8,0,6,3,2,0,3,0,0,1,7,14,0,0,10,1,2,4,7,7,0,1,13,6,27,12,20,29,8,26,0,1,0,0,6,12,1,5,13,124,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028676399006904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046041698230695,0.0,0.0,0.12338666628998275,0.0,0.0,0.10238329066756714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566777910454813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717286876577208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666449795778218,0.08023765396532617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571087766272033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774490509776889,0.17776480335720973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612304570026192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707081509540104,0.3130612570555565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355869159160844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346310780704395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575658261922222,0.18234927082141208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577354186426967,0.0,0.11772487966449842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675544455139167,0.0,0.23875990405657496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299876345555998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28322397438118657,0.15940740916497842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250017961524315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277106418405125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578106953455512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726006197144463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254763255379662,0.14299722428313735,0.0,0.1188842665472448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745497738274502,0.0,0.0,0.1467668776902495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066868361101084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492321695422954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Forest__nymph,2019/03/17,"I hate dating!! I enjoy being single, it keeps me sane, but sometimes it’s so boring.

So I’ll lounge through r4r and tinder, making the shallow short connections. Sometimes though I really hit it off with someone. And I make them my favorite person even if it’s only been a few hours.

And I started talking to this really cool cute guy, who lives kind of close to me. We agreed on a date for next week. Now, however he stopped answering me!!

He’s probably just busy!! But I don’t get it!! Just say you can’t talk!! I feel crazy! He’s probably ghosting me and I’m being optimistic? I have no idea I can’t think straight ",0.5626500000000014,2.9906520000000008,2.466474999999999,91.2941125,89.0,5.6850000000000005,21.4125,7.1686216300943375,0.8437299999999994,480,17,99,8,16,159,88,125,0.11199999999999999,0.7120000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.8569,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,1,0,7,6,1,0,3,1,7,0,0,2,0,20,17,10,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,7,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,3,17,4,8,13,2,13,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,8,59,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174997562242705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320412548250727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963062006104424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825183024090981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199032754503675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153052744630685,0.0,0.0,0.20808912271765412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384332725193745,0.0,0.19195408717917928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276910544973894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460869480171556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603986251898176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401932852675824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095215832548454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39748354339277214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361764290280161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658872038199147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618445459795788,0.0,0.3646194047937901,0.0,0.13047159711760475,0.0,0.0,0.15411034772548787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29631920037748904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811291791031135,0.18110589090231807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786053157437756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DJMemphis84,2019/03/17,"Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Does anyone here have any experience with TMS?, if so, did it help?, did it make things worse?... My ex is about to start treatment with this, and i’m interested in hearing if it made things better/worse for you. Thanks in advance for your replies. ",5.7323999999999975,7.938752040000002,5.333000000000002,79.09150000000002,68.6,9.0,30.5,9.516144504307137,2.8686000000000003,222,9,40,5,4,68,41,50,0.0,0.882,0.11800000000000001,0.7303,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,8,10,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,8,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315912559765715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832744302422624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23820763799220265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569956267011405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634643172629429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035635831022369,0.0,0.18053163289112514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548541969413127,0.17978525513420834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063887430487333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479703108550605,0.0,0.0,0.3578724955095341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5489570130495081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OrGo-d,2019/03/17,"Lorazepam? Any experience? The title pretty much?

Can this help treat bpd? Is it common? Doctor suggested, anyone have experience?

Thanks :))",4.741428571428571,5.135988857142858,5.246666666666666,62.79000000000002,136.61904761904762,6.914285714285715,22.047619047619047,6.868970318607317,2.992790476190476,110,4,12,3,7,35,20,21,0.0,0.583,0.41700000000000004,0.9167,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120452874888177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802870409977976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927208082715229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31915645960534245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6100309412896696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209003410953792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22922032977607046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172285452980871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870778929653581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HotmessWithBPD,2019/03/17,"im a disgusting and horrible person. im ready to die :( Ive supported him through hell and worse. ive put up with countless beatings while only showing him all the love my heart has. The thumping in my chest will cease to be soon if this goes on and itll be me who makes it stop. my wrists are scarred and so are my thighs, why does my body have so much blood flowing through it?? just let me die.. i deserve that at the very least.",0.9128083028083012,2.85397307692308,1.9687179487179485,98.9568376068376,81.96703296703296,5.363125763125763,23.2979242979243,6.42735559955562,0.2890942612942609,334,12,80,3,9,105,66,91,0.222,0.695,0.083,-0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,4,0,11,7,6,1,1,10,14,8,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,2,9,9,3,9,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,3,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23629601693838545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415620716002353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861621998716107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208708078967484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595716442827035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753170646023506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199789714396265,0.0,0.14199949385186875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638165142901705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179139698249695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857483722784952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385326029471266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785251554933498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140444691642754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552522972597798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919565034101099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679090963625905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkmanletmesignup,2019/03/17,"DAE feel the need to commit self destructive behavior or actions? Sometimes i feel the pressing urge to say something to a friend that i know will make them never talk to me again, or sometimes i feel the need to message an ex and tell them i miss them and want to be with them again despite knowing the relationship was miserable. i feel the constant need to do something or say something to other people that will be completely against what i know i really want, but it’s an urge i can’t seem to ignore and is a constant. does anyone else get this sometimes? ",11.553532110091744,7.280151302752294,10.301720183486239,69.7395527522936,58.90825688073394,13.10183486238532,44.68119266055046,10.125756701596842,4.487163302752292,448,19,84,6,4,141,63,109,0.091,0.852,0.057,-0.6715,0,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,0,2,5,1,1,9,0,8,0,0,1,2,25,24,7,0,5,4,1,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,6,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,7,13,1,11,19,0,6,0,2,0,0,13,0,0,4,5,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324106840043856,0.15128598035899465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480934850928965,0.3191167275819271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921045536867626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334353141313995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29862729046162656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407485837109076,0.0,0.07714159538020643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434355169613403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855824262592154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284442154746943,0.11387761552339005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236266807132728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945890628585642,0.0,0.0,0.15852200336190045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348361306610133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344159981132414,0.1540322782511114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410070455691833,0.4380920815184423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867634541709893,0.12905355216208098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417686533040005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Iveruinedmyself,2019/03/17,"I'm never anyone's number 1... Anyone else feel like this? No one puts me first. The hardest thing I'm dealing with is that despite no matter how much I give of myself is having no one put me first. I'm always finding about things last or having no one open up to me until they've sorted things out.

Why won't anyone love me.
",1.7265217391304333,3.356273173913049,3.4312318840579716,90.9451086956522,78.13043478260869,4.6000000000000005,17.297101449275363,3.1291,-0.7120550724637682,255,4,53,0,6,85,50,69,0.11599999999999999,0.768,0.11599999999999999,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,10,11,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,0,1,6,2,7,10,1,10,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,6,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415967281021198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886357570890565,0.18983124456419728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100547164603476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476950356892358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367819489063813,0.13235708912599967,0.0,0.0,0.16933363350484204,0.3151815254977652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772808634735254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510199649045863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051367587719128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721361574905874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619493630520296,0.0,0.1428918227023475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766317074551076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724955056855733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692559246816897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671775653755399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CandyBehr,2019/03/10,"Today is the day. Today is the day it all hit harder than ever before. I have no one. I have no friends here, my coworkers are assholes, my family is thousands of miles away, and I finally just hit a wall. I don't see an end to the pain anywhere in sight, and the thought of a bullet to my temple almost feels like relief. I've never felt myself having to fight so hard to stay alive. This week leading up has included starvation, dehydration, excess of sleep, almost like I'm easing myself into the end. I've never pictured myself old, and its hard to. I've tried to hold on for my fiance and I'm scared I won't be able to much longer. All I do is go to work and come home. If this is what my life is going to be I have no interest in it. ",1.7384615384615358,3.1339748598726125,4.001528662420384,87.88392944634985,77.47133757961784,6.61420872121509,20.357177853993143,7.321109707123232,0.4982742773150419,571,13,124,7,13,198,94,157,0.138,0.755,0.107,-0.6389,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,1,8,0,17,3,1,1,5,21,28,7,0,1,2,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,4,7,3,0,2,2,6,15,5,20,21,3,25,0,0,2,0,2,8,0,3,14,86,21,2,0.15899002678576726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184110915283181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937636379686972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528880262589416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369558301368704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507082872014654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281635945984183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381558157854088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988164750359506,0.0,0.08039013465867774,0.1135825069034616,0.15265535867999627,0.17416580297269454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228353003028701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807153922979132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28484767035241604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947996012053914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229935781248104,0.15534899238214284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687596331448401,0.0,0.2452458201628648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683328811044845,0.0,0.10773575684427016,0.0,0.16917659813041908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917675284697827,0.0,0.12669446684009675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591048474816832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946221425743874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622032190957175,0.0,0.0,0.30140791035405584,0.0,0.0,0.10794379180808283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753220935696424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574663306211855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,semicharmedlifeaway,2019/03/10,"PEOPLE WITH BPD CAN SUCK A DICK - THANKS FOR GIVING ME PTSD.... CUNTS! Fuck you all, you’re literally the fucking worst. Thanks for bringing me down to your level. ",1.9450000000000005,4.753604500000002,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,87.33333333333334,4.333333333333334,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.29499999999999993,125,3,24,1,4,38,26,30,0.406,0.397,0.19699999999999998,-0.9107,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,5,8,2,3,0,0,0,3,3,2,5,0,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769647257246496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.553406115210014,0.0,0.2871210523715815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750070697787187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498720440636769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511204749226104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ONSaccount,2019/03/10,"I've had crush on girl with bpd for 4 years Hi, I am 17 and I have been in love for her for four years. When I was younger, I wrote with her for month, but I didn't have a courage to ask her out.
I met her outside on school events many times and I spoke with her, but we were bouth drunk.
I told her few ugly things and I didn't talk with for one year.
I met her at the party two months ago and I apologized to her and she accepted an apology. Next week we went out and we talked for many hours. It was good evening. So we went out next weekend too. We got drank and I am not sure how, but we went to my house at night. We were lying next to each other in bed and just chatted for the rest of the night. At the morning I tried to kiss her, but she said that she didn't want to rush it. Next weekend we went out again and in this time we slept in her house. It was very similiar like last weekend. The only difference was that we kissed.
I wrote with her everyday and I asked her three time to go out, but she wrote me she don't want. So I thought ""this is over"". I ""random"" met her after three weeks. And ask her what have I done and she told me that isn't my mistake. She told me that she have BPD, very strong depression and probably she is asexual, but she said that she want something like relationship with me(this is more complicated than I write because she said she did not know herself), but without physical contact. Next weekend she told me that she tried many times suicide and that she had crush on me for 3 years, but nowadays she have crush on her last ""boyfriend"". I said her some bad things and didn't talk with her for week. I random met her yesterday and we ignored each other. So I am really confused about this whole. And I am not sure what it means.(the whole store is very simplification) 
!!sorry for my english I am real shit in this language!!",1.8662633343492845,3.589189067357516,2.655263639134412,96.2464797317891,78.01554404145078,6.095580615665956,21.715635476988727,6.923569853693429,0.2388853398354156,1444,40,340,15,34,452,160,386,0.14400000000000002,0.763,0.092,-0.968,0,0,2,0,0,1,49.0,11,0,0,1,10,17,1,1,7,0,31,7,2,1,2,75,64,30,1,4,13,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,1,21,42,2,1,3,6,1,6,10,6,0,5,39,5,79,11,47,25,8,58,0,1,0,3,78,18,1,4,36,235,100,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676351002909929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123220915927107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288610997335044,0.04591222360101245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971692531598847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648699688533369,0.0,0.0,0.07868968522907377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707490241269226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974582087268923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042804087948234884,0.06317188518056784,0.06023746469670005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417155572395308,0.17381019805248388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139196451618082,0.12278595763355515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359164980958513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797605850355347,0.0,0.0,0.2290772503069561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023378226697763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004996237132505,0.14135881788970978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051036392113512734,0.05728157250809601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120389777645391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572663649729721,0.04824966195153346,0.0,0.0,0.08086170687120868,0.0,0.0,0.2865728569963908,0.0,0.0,0.07622429282999774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731127842421362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057982301457715685,0.0,0.08431062659968462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238399840010746,0.0,0.14196977117124038,0.0,0.0,0.1816095870380006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007383759392438,0.0,0.0,0.059792867571183815,0.1756705671055488,0.0,0.0,0.2878724748019193,0.0,0.10226988413698036,0.0,0.07357325136713748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186431936946002,0.13327082357083528,0.0,0.18124299771485164,0.0,0.0,0.2792765045323045,0.0,0.16817630744267115,0.0,0.07260239343981094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400536011046488
bpd,SoccerFan5529,2019/03/10,"Partner constantly accuses me of having BPD So My partner has been accusing me of having BPD for almost 2 years now since a therapist he was seeing, suggested I had BPD, based on the heavily biased one sided stories my partner was sharing at his private one on one therapy sessions. I was concurrently receiving independent therapy as well and underwent intense psychological analysis because I was afraid I may have something as he was very convincing and made me believe I was always wrong, always reacting inappropriately, never making sense or being rational. My results however, showed that I had no BPD traits at all let alone any diagnosis, but rather, I was experiencing severe depression and anxiety related to some stressful relationship issues. My therapist even tried to talk to me about an exit plan from my partner as she identified that he was unhealthy for me and shouldn't be playing doctor or repeatedly telling me I am sick with a mental illness and that he had no grounds to behave in such a manner. My therapist said that if you are told something enough times, eventually self fulfilling prophecy and you may begin to believe it. My partner was doing this to excuse the abuse he and my in laws were bestowing upon me and it is true I have anger issues when pushed far past point of reasonable circumstances but this is 3.5 yrs now into an abusive relationship where it never changes and Im never in right and my partner is always in right and its exhausting. He has isolated me from his family too because he says he needs to protect them from me and my behaviour. I have children from a prior marriage but I can tell you that his lack of respect and support has only made me resent him further and its hurting my children and I how he is behaving. Advice anyone? How should i be reacting to this incessant behaviour? Do I have a right to feel the way I do or is it his call to isolate me from his family for the last year  based on his belief that I am sick? What am I supposed to do? I dont want to live like this anymore but for families out there or partners with a SO who has BPD...do you throw it in their faces alot? How do they cope with it? Is my partner's behaviour normal?",6.587500000000002,7.339357750000001,7.470673076923081,69.99932692307694,65.25,10.823076923076924,36.192307692307686,10.727762888450028,4.20849326923077,1768,84,299,46,26,593,215,416,0.18,0.763,0.057,-0.9954,3,1,2,0,1,0,27.0,0,4,3,1,17,16,2,2,13,0,49,6,1,11,5,60,60,33,0,8,10,0,1,1,8,4,5,2,0,11,20,20,0,1,3,2,0,3,7,8,1,3,18,5,56,8,45,34,5,42,1,2,1,0,50,23,0,10,16,234,76,2,0.0,0.1883942524593352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776886458197779,0.0,0.0,0.0796099857329305,0.08234031965886733,0.0,0.0,0.19845663870237734,0.0,0.0,0.054064233453288514,0.0,0.06081897799974927,0.0,0.07884483586491313,0.05558979828113405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692762650612456,0.0,0.0,0.17914354630397775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006512927450806,0.0,0.08118065190634044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410280341769445,0.0,0.0,0.08591365233459546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847514255813039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137388736421801,0.0,0.0,0.09317600561246532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214704190547625,0.0,0.05251046418150687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484284254265305,0.0,0.04019870942640528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851087670453509,0.0,0.08587603644679875,0.16595931736078012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480491745034771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129640279034309,0.0,0.03884076715985763,0.0,0.07020191369960334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504538390323233,0.05306834684495353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011953509054741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589498861506875,0.1839510315157171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789529223114136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161827826031047,0.06046501813980741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589386149307162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515529196054234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174151961647337,0.0,0.17071125525027725,0.0,0.2036833754425129,0.07562481369647353,0.06322335352988423,0.0,0.0,0.06335297334756519,0.0,0.08293815057735708,0.08981487521570831,0.0,0.06576505502515177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240938074572053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106952036741764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090218173117147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390087011585684,0.13897688281039566,0.0,0.18183542646255746,0.2769246028968054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046358381769136967,0.0,0.0,0.07596777483888538,0.0,0.05397678632709084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559765474132892,0.04689246711106323,0.06310515891792272,0.0,0.0,0.07148204044751565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692319325340052,0.0,0.10239364166059832
bpd,RedboxIsRed,2019/03/10,"A mirror? About a subreddit I know it's the internet, but goddamn. 

It sucks to be dehumanized. I could not believe some of the posts I saw. Degrading people with BPD. Verbatim, ""Soul-sucking; They just mirror you."" Like a fucking cryptid! Or perhaps, ""No normal person could deal with them, what's wrong with me? I need tips on how to avoid dating them (people with BPD). Yikes.""

It's not a support sub like they claim to be. Unless that means putting down and harmfully generalizing everyone with cluster B pd compensates for a bad breakup. Hypocritical.",1.9996764705882344,4.74671025,3.3421176470588243,81.5784117647059,96.5,6.352941176470589,25.882352941176467,7.510576382923642,2.2177294117647066,435,20,74,10,17,141,73,100,0.377,0.597,0.027000000000000003,-0.9927,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,4,0,3,10,2,1,7,0,4,1,0,1,0,22,11,5,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,1,10,3,14,6,1,5,0,0,1,1,7,2,2,2,3,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786344805676745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265078848735609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064160790318536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210347518934533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726766666284807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210627848249506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586205542054768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048859419789132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964400102098564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899599192645036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907167242153635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698055831656808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787573670774369,0.1755439766765828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254469951257056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021048759506812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281424923368057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981019195494575,0.0,0.0
bpd,heosbeid,2019/03/10,"I just want to vent about how hard I find it hard buying clothes or deciding how next to have my hair, or what piercing to get It’s just so hard because I don’t know who I am lmaooo",5.132682926829268,3.120276048780489,5.644024390243902,91.11042682926828,69.0,9.175609756097561,30.256097560975608,7.1686216300943375,1.338941463414634,142,4,37,1,2,46,30,41,0.115,0.8490000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,10,6,5,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882754858780222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822883912411661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161364285295774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8300217631248682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973894138636206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284713975252312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217101455170265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway22222w,2019/03/10,"What is personality? I constantly do things so people like me. 

I can say what music I like, or what foods I love, what movies I like, but I don’t know how to conversation with people

How do I be myself? How I speak, how I think, etc feels very foreign to me. 

How do I find who I am? I don’t if I am the most bland person on this earth, I just want to be my own person. ",-0.963834688346882,0.8142351097561011,2.0657723577235783,96.47990514905152,88.14634146341464,5.107859078590786,13.989159891598911,6.42735559955562,-0.8822319783197838,277,4,72,3,9,98,48,82,0.0,0.856,0.14400000000000002,0.8051,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,5,0,16,16,9,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,7,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,18,4,5,14,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,3,4,55,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24454988880495335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25238430252292954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442407176503527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683408615005866,0.0,0.27364283964507663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436855327760568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316762248582967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042445714384004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137758309857919,0.5927892532534644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996283076634545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034365423304652,0.14500389253567647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867211873426316,0.13347759414463548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DrErik,2019/03/10,"Looking for citations that insurance companies deny payment for BPD diagnosis Dear r/BPD,

​

I've started working on an editorial that says that the American Psychiatric Association (APA) should retire the term 'Borderline Personality Disorder' from its DSM and replace it with the term 'Emotion Regulation Disorder'

I'm also working with folks within the APA to put changing diagnostic term on the agenda for the next DSM update. 

​

Among the arguments I'm making is that 'borderline personality disorder' implies a knowledge of cause (i.e., that it's caused by personality) which: a) never was justified by any data; and b) is contrary to the stated intent to categorize conditions without regard to their cause. 

​

I'll also argue that by giving it a name that implied (falsely) that it was caused by 'personality,' this gave insurance companies an excuse not to pay for services because they could argue it's not a 'medical' disorder. 

​

I remember very clearly that when I was a resident physician in the late 1990s, I was told by hospital admin 'don't give BPD as the discharge diagnosis, or else we won't get paid.'

​

So here is my request...

Can anyone point me to articles that show for sure that this was a practice? So far, I can find various websites that talk a bit vaguely about this. But if I could get my hands on more solid, proof-like documentation that this did happen, it will strengthen my argument. 

​

PS. I'll start tweeting the bejeezus out of this issue between the publication of my editorial  (in about 3 weeks) and the start of the APA congress in May.  I'm @ErikMessamoreMD on Twitter in case you'd like to help me shout this out. ",10.087818383167217,9.545462521594684,10.073209302325584,58.58361240310078,58.33554817275747,12.943610188261351,44.31915836101882,12.10132525352546,5.766326068660022,1373,73,206,37,15,455,171,301,0.084,0.843,0.073,-0.6341,0,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,1,1,2,2,8,5,2,0,23,0,19,3,1,6,3,32,35,12,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,4,2,2,0,4,27,8,0,0,4,1,2,1,6,2,0,0,9,4,15,3,41,19,6,28,0,0,1,0,21,14,0,3,13,141,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072625381832047,0.0,0.409416918476624,0.4591477256057729,0.04282689608149382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044035369820498604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038390532174937805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875517755390226,0.0,0.23795407260496265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587811822996982,0.06662190124722497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056490413549964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887109304573504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052609664980189534,0.07084127132111025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057560343111139285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658063449699098,0.12082761609609324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055690842715439365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04221252670879483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573220393947397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104142363822999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0307676515994243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288528377264904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203800609712064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344325973830238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857217182603015,0.0,0.06697734278273977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995828279555096,0.0,0.0,0.05953414435348285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330983594586906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713412915570014,0.0,0.0,0.050082278404766714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372750987383306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935559901631372,0.0,0.0,0.05061897208499816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017775136640489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051963077312912935,0.0,0.0,0.050516794798998114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060708114369505115,0.0,0.09169681824781584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591477256057729,0.0
bpd,toxic-ghoul,2019/03/10,"Do yall get slightly manic ? Is that a bpd thing Or am I just doing well and am energetic 😂 E.g.. I stayed up till around 3:30am yesterday night knowing full well that I had to get up at 8am. I got a bunch of energy n just had the urge to clean every thing like if I looked at it I had to fix It. I came up with a lil buissness idea with my art that is in progress and I spent all my money on random weird clothes from wish. I'm usually pretty withdrawn but went out of my way to message old friends and new ones. 
I'm also sick right now so i dont know how ive had the energy but oh well  this is just the past 2-3days ",-0.4160000000000004,1.2319613999999994,2.0485714285714285,98.18642857142858,85.0,5.428571428571429,17.857142857142858,6.5431188927421005,-0.3657857142857144,476,11,123,5,14,163,92,140,0.043,0.77,0.187,0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,0,6,0,13,1,0,1,1,22,25,11,0,2,7,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,8,8,0,0,3,1,2,2,1,1,3,1,8,1,14,5,19,17,3,23,0,0,1,0,3,11,0,3,9,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045825516816246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635573648720166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121087324155173,0.0,0.0,0.2008839539622662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058473219321944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798323291098886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569807246157176,0.0,0.18352800869849387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047436353103468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827478439662724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930529413874288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858082276557581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749232501344856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963301160299785,0.0,0.1648250808075945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430333595630846,0.0,0.11901737125166173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676670730490261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868776505985182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999454377176327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720755168184355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23337317918170575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934412831853444,0.0,0.0,0.1394138746126083,0.0,0.0,0.4737610234195756,0.16281889278076125,0.0,0.0,0.2019759092022108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AwkwardCell,2019/03/10,"Artificial social stimulation I have to constantly watch youtube videos/ series/ movies/ tv to feel sane. I have shut everyone off for more than a year now. I don't take calls, I don't visit anyone, I don't go anywhere. I cannot stand the thought of someone saying/doing something that will upset me and completely throw me off for who knows how long so I just keep to myself. But I get SO LONELY. I thought I was watching youtube videos for hours on end because i am lazy but even when i work or want to work i feel the need to hear people talking. Silence makes me feel so lonely. All those videos and movies makes me feel like I am not completely alone, is that insane? Does someone else do this?",2.785953177257525,5.01660769565218,3.257246376811594,90.61690635451508,77.1159420289855,5.985284280936455,25.83277591973244,7.010146845296331,1.0609792642140468,554,21,112,6,13,172,90,138,0.11,0.836,0.054000000000000006,-0.8083,0,5,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,3,0,12,0,0,4,1,22,28,10,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,4,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,7,19,1,13,24,2,15,0,2,2,0,6,4,0,1,8,68,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735337127466786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715650517911558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213836286412678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108969198646873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351350921128729,0.18106457598193376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662619845119595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996849607140016,0.0,0.14840165787362578,0.0,0.0,0.110666752876603,0.0,0.0,0.16010345929566475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388780283238931,0.11969943872763235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753919209390904,0.0,0.0952238668490106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888436858951732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500532273420235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892823521954401,0.0,0.0,0.09208239461787926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185761919681232,0.0,0.0,0.14827856512433885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236850013574493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423795112897833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615970890122634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079852960511613,0.283933140056832,0.1289899918037243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259785217980518,0.1346722393705662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660357144861778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098826722453196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439602257401233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789822575763508
bpd,glitter-kitty,2019/03/10,So I’ve been in a manic spiral for about a week now and find myself making awful decisions but not being able to stop. It feels almost like I’m dissociating and watching someone else make these awful reckless choices but not being able to stop. I’ve always been a quiet BPD but it’s gotten to the point that I made awful aggressively loud comments in a staff meeting in front of everyone I work with and now I’ve been in a really low depressed state all weekend. I am dreading going to work tomorrow and just want to never go back as I got sent home on Friday and now my manager is coming to the office for a meeting with me tomorrow. I’m struggling and feel very low and don’t really know how to deal with the situation. Can I just never return? ,7.977369914853361,6.074428364238411,8.920870387890258,69.52543046357617,63.37086092715232,11.277578051087986,34.154210028382224,9.957137785484203,3.2630673604541163,597,19,110,10,7,206,94,151,0.252,0.722,0.026000000000000002,-0.99,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,2,9,3,9,0,0,4,3,34,24,13,0,1,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,11,0,2,5,1,0,5,5,6,0,0,7,5,8,1,20,15,1,27,0,3,1,0,5,8,0,1,14,73,12,4,0.3399057377223719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170183248523434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414144015329704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068326558972726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404968884844489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639934786846676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521394519045366,0.14638015691576114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197381405770876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239724936705374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186655401711526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553338431833018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317626387842365,0.0,0.1359268347183275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704765845776906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340165207461013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303038707457842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081351380490996,0.2268897193409928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621562594555431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160660394695707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775231936879808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910341453460407,0.0,0.0,0.14400051426817762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28417641670732696,0.0,0.17767163925768334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022891571478066,0.10024260538132453,0.0,0.13632594000142492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474554253196846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ABirdInFlight,2019/03/10,"I hurt someone because I was confused about my sexuality This happened in 2016 but I still haven't forgiven myself. I had just transferred to a new college and there was this girl who lived down the hall from me in my dorm. We became friends but weren't that close. One night she was texting me and she said her friend noticed that I was flirting with her. This caused me to question my sexuality because up until that point I thought I was straight but then realized that I might be bi. & Some things from my past confirm that. So we got involved with each other and made out and stuff and she apparently fell in love with me but my feelings towards her weren't as strong and I had A LOT of confusion. She tried so hard to get me to open up to her more and begin a serious relationship but I couldn't do it because I was confused & had trouble accepting myself. I didn't want to date a female. I stupidly got drunk one night and told her I loved her then took it back and this triggered months of intense arguing and emotional turmoil. She even attempted suicide  (I of course tried to talked her out of it, and contacted her family which made her even more angry.) I still really cared about her as a friend and gave many in depth apologies but she cut me off and paints me to be this evil person. I honestly don't blame her though. But yeah, since then my sexuality really flip flops. Sometimes I'm chill with that fact that I'm bi but then I'll just deny it for months at a time and pretend to be completely straight. I need to talk to others in similar situations ",3.9401923076923056,5.480346737179488,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,72.01282051282051,7.892307692307693,28.384615384615394,8.472884824447931,1.9342730769230767,1250,48,254,21,24,400,160,312,0.177,0.6809999999999999,0.142,-0.8947,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,2,0,0,2,13,21,4,4,7,1,20,5,0,4,1,54,40,32,1,3,10,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,22,25,1,0,5,2,0,2,6,11,0,2,21,3,52,10,40,14,5,39,0,1,0,4,38,20,0,7,17,185,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252557781174916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961763689236446,0.0,0.21313835525588065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118827683107039,0.1197261243891992,0.0,0.0,0.12219756832313865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109996309171584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395671145297976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987036955768677,0.0,0.058929788608904035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701323356887051,0.0,0.06089112487585355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642695624026515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306234329768416,0.0,0.10440343874828108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247662355909491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029133520276821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908429939878036,0.2103768767134368,0.2205596412443268,0.0,0.11816061298297725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363820847363664,0.0,0.0,0.1860537970692128,0.0,0.0,0.08641830493933905,0.0,0.11256205486928517,0.0,0.21874338743828486,0.0,0.0,0.1326898101909455,0.0,0.0,0.15795085810987128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112575323515826,0.0,0.10176455835152702,0.0,0.0,0.11017481733296712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055958678997678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493262982188373,0.0,0.0,0.12512812387020827,0.0,0.0,0.11086311845110043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964090849130452,0.13100398581568984,0.0,0.0,0.0987501019488889,0.0,0.11526820479226092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614955981627893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334187111255321,0.1274837689631075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735252059504826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742881044153567,0.0,0.11450707585582015,0.0925254935802744,0.06795963544321201,0.0,0.0,0.11136588652280682,0.1294882768299565,0.15825585713724682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874258436739203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Route333,2019/03/10,"Without getting into specifics, how has modern politics impacted your relationships? 


My politics differ from my family.  Rather, I know thinking about politics will only upset me, so I try to stay uninformed.  This gets me accused of  supporting the other side, which isn’t even the point.

I’m very sensitive to emotional trickery, and notice that political discussions of *any* kind often involve this.  Then, my BPD rage is liable to kick in (instant adrenaline, cortisol, fight/flight).

I already don’t really have good relationships, but it’s gotten even harder the last few years.

(When responding, Please please try to avoid political beliefs).",8.147219626168223,10.562039738317758,8.043072429906541,61.22012266355143,62.83177570093458,12.078971962616825,37.67406542056075,11.698219412168324,5.659337383177571,520,26,69,18,8,167,85,107,0.09,0.7879999999999999,0.122,0.5455,0,1,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,2,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,13,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,9,3,11,11,1,10,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968843578870456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132768265659342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470626988643133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864047250071305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069180987298624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235681615272278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819290256031613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864279709672819,0.0,0.0,0.14964525338976728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857907941797204,0.0980517044982772,0.14543127603567765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312559615515705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356919365004979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39169013448270795,0.16865896047209508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429661894796307,0.0,0.0,0.3830998736125524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901656551351503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246216728980596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432052916360673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422628782103887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472102891156156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198479247451873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148928086826908
bpd,Nomichuu,2019/03/10,"Started a new job- Feel like my boss hates me I started a new job last week and I was extremely excited to get back into work as I've been on disability the past 5 years. My boss is a doctor (I'm a vet tech) and he's extremely opinionated and harsh. I have been out of the industry for so long (which he knew) I have a lot of brushing up to do and a lot of questions to ask. I can't help but feel he gets extremely frustrated with me every single time I ask him a question, he makes me feel dumb and inadequate compared to the rest of the techs there. 

I also had to inform him that I'm pregnant since we work with xrays and anesthesia. He took the news very negatively and said ""god fucking dammit are you kidding me"" and then informed me that I wouldn't be able to work full-time for him because he can't afford to lose a full time employee when I need to leave for maternity.

I went in on Saturday to drop off my ID for payroll and my boss walked out to make a copy, I said hello to him and he completely ignored me. 

Am I overthinking this? I literally just want to quit because I feel like he doesn't even want me to work there and I'm just inconveniencing him every time I work. I was so happy working the first few days but now I'm filled with dread having to go back there.",2.856821561338293,3.9231549330855056,4.526131970260224,86.56838011152418,74.0185873605948,8.056579925650558,25.71765799256505,8.548686976883017,1.5246206691449813,1003,33,225,18,20,339,142,269,0.113,0.799,0.08800000000000001,-0.8198,4,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,9,13,11,4,1,15,0,17,3,0,5,0,45,44,19,0,4,4,0,4,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,18,0,1,9,0,0,5,5,7,0,1,10,7,34,4,34,32,6,35,0,1,0,1,26,9,2,5,22,139,38,12,0.10852239447450733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867853196532023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290757877450424,0.0,0.0,0.16689404532651708,0.0,0.13230848880642224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113783665881563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699879666023621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110772692322493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167801805133381,0.0,0.18286959575453304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194887335176868,0.1550568405927755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230909330132503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032720498511473,0.11339694403255528,0.0,0.06167577767942457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552410688383855,0.0,0.10714339708285238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727402734623648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538346247155504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846023578776754,0.0,0.1149095463517424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106037120524728,0.0,0.0,0.09603890410934117,0.0,0.12140880046352913,0.0,0.1845237179693496,0.0,0.0,0.14487908200387445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804679804205798,0.0,0.2096232096586444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359690509080753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431398366563516,0.11542692480921575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064592970470684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977084614879359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536254187415105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984084279619112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057237331791675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895423408260416,0.1280186399587037,0.0,0.08705011887752499,0.0,0.0,0.10060134691721373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740335740375288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988486399511729
bpd,idlehour0,2019/03/10,"First post,feeling lost tw substance abuse,self harm1 Hi this is my first post and i am jus feeling really at my wits end right now. Sorry if this is a little long or has typos.
Im 31 and have been diagnosed wit bpd since i was 18. Ive had polysubstance problems since i wad 16 and last april had a bad relapse when i first tried cocaine and discovered it was the most amazing thing to me. I had been in and out 9f some harsh relationships and now im with someone whp is really amazing and patient and willing to really help and support me.my problem is im a total ass andd jus keep fucking it up i cant seem to get s0ber and i cant seem to stop cutting people out of my life my fp lives in another state 5 hrs awat that i only see 2x a year and i have no friends as ive conppetly isolated myself.

 I dispciate all day and jus think about dying becoz life is becoming to unbarable.i also gave fibromyalgia so im in pain all the time and my drs jus take away meds that help only a few know about the substance abuse but i have even been alienating my therapist who is like high on my list of favorite people. All i cam think about is getting high and its always to the extreame i cant handle any of my emotions or anxiety and lately i am jus so aggravated and ex0losive and i dont want to be hospitalized for the 7th time but its looking like im headed for that direction i jus feel so lost and like i can never communicate how i feep properly i dont do any hobbies or practice any of my interests anymore my whole life is jus one big headache..i dont kno how to commun8cate to my b0yfroend and tell him how much he actualy means to me and im so scared hes goiing to leave me beco0z i cant stay sober.i jus thinking aboyt cutting or anything to relieve the emotional distress all day chasing down pills until sleep comes.",1.9916471918582737,3.946819480211088,3.7645412740294018,87.35956728232193,78.47229551451187,6.86441010177158,26.132001507727104,7.859703344183488,1.5487033697700718,1449,58,301,24,35,486,206,379,0.122,0.7809999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.7451,0,0,1,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,15,20,3,2,11,0,36,11,3,3,6,56,58,38,1,4,7,0,2,3,1,1,7,0,0,0,11,24,0,2,9,0,0,1,9,11,0,4,11,4,39,9,34,45,10,38,0,2,2,2,11,15,2,9,22,183,50,0,0.0,0.09221248269747537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223836826245713,0.06475844892169122,0.0,0.0,0.15877545498708026,0.0816085848078692,0.05953758018908305,0.0,0.07718365043591673,0.0,0.0,0.06404513838466445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312119815223164,0.0,0.06498244501473473,0.0,0.08595400647737524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802060958242743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704122485642762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038418609840616,0.0,0.0,0.07899295012929984,0.08077232620677434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736386283508485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509020599997605,0.06893178174126971,0.0,0.0,0.05140411882595804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805528297345542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859928035591634,0.0,0.0,0.06012908672585631,0.07194997443759704,0.08132297940179327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987314050810339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433183735114457,0.16445737877010974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044002619997638,0.0,0.0,0.06917637412115836,0.0,0.0,0.04277178313882701,0.0634395397003036,0.08779244970750981,0.08240774697023008,0.0,0.0,0.1649149179881201,0.1140672878157404,0.07800328096386719,0.06872282639038185,0.06887460581312067,0.0653552304852622,0.0,0.1699151226154631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477661556788288,0.08644845284079683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721193270156726,0.0,0.06002511962508754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273771180427949,0.11838215585102355,0.08281360745557298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791113543930017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907385132137838,0.0,0.0,0.14894020221894205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957425444539774,0.0,0.0,0.08355726602874114,0.0,0.06646398705045496,0.0,0.0,0.07791858491066447,0.0,0.06201818667378881,0.141701884592335,0.08119072291471258,0.0,0.0,0.12875889618584435,0.0,0.07788338652766527,0.0,0.06594271762171898,0.0,0.0,0.0871211569533173,0.0,0.0829534193567897,0.0,0.06506700790937515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831736232885831,0.0,0.0,0.05851635415061236,0.0,0.06802438627616236,0.0,0.0,0.09036335528561774,0.05170492062250719,0.14960554454576505,0.0,0.0,0.090763309834884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283954696363727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590448759103412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689126784758773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501181526861997
bpd,lord_naxxar,2019/03/10,"Time to swallow the BPD blackpill? I post on multiple accounts here. I usually lie or make up details because I'm too afraid to reveal myself; even here. That, and I've been testing something out. Some of my accounts have a nice bit of karma and the others not so much. The accounts where I wear a carefully constructed mask are the ones with all the karma. The ones where I'm much closer to being myself have no upvotes and some downvotes and I've never argued with anyone, trolled them, etc. Truth is, people just don't like me. Tht's what I was testing out. Even here, people don't like me and I don't fit in, unless I'm being fake as hell. I'm ready to swallow the BPD blackpill. It's something my thoughts have been telling me for a while and my experiences just keep proving it true. No matter who says otherwise, some of us really don't have a place in this life. Some of us are not lovable or even likable for who we are. Some of us have to be fake, wear masks, dawn personas, whatever and have to break ourselves for the sake of others or we will never have anyone in our lives. This life is not for everyone. Some of us are born to fail. Some of us are born to suffer. Some of us have no home. Some of us will never be happy. I've had nice things, nice people, I've been engaged, I've been loved, but the one thing I've never had is happiness. No matter what I have, I will never be happy. I really think this is just the truth of this world. To be honest, I don't think I can even survive without this disease. It comes with a hell of a cost, but without it I couldn't bear the pain of how lonely I would be. I need my carefully constructed personas to earn love, respect, and admiration. I need the lies I tell myself to pretend I'm happy and so I can keep a false hope that this life holds success, happiness and a place for me some day.  ",2.380710526315788,4.020122794736842,3.6980921052631612,89.69976973684211,76.31578947368422,6.328947368421053,23.717105263157894,7.04035,0.7856315789473687,1442,45,305,15,32,472,157,380,0.14300000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.138,-0.222,0,2,2,0,0,0,48.0,10,0,1,4,16,33,3,1,20,0,44,10,2,2,10,68,63,21,0,5,14,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,1,0,20,18,2,3,5,1,4,1,20,10,0,3,8,1,38,23,43,43,15,28,4,3,0,2,19,14,2,14,13,226,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113433427661916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044085026762169945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895368130583717,0.0,0.18216664482370046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746819971200642,0.0,0.0,0.062296465248447626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663980986449335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065486680079494,0.1910642240756343,0.0,0.0,0.0691039594706912,0.0,0.07074191605894657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849249121952481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254191211534508,0.07182914280703824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856100393992675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324326903929658,0.07066287791942746,0.0,0.06385905351777088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054154746928445,0.0,0.048273533051715986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632565812967837,0.10724733091099553,0.27888458085052914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701579682055688,0.0,0.07695257701515673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041078783714304,0.0,0.15111604741156331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926166711737905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265888129853504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057511017917744274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113494886986582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642008927417847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609113788215473,0.09267826502006186,0.0,0.0574132542559841,0.04216982453014381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6089364599489346,0.0,0.07964922567297736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942598318070032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137338415542652,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hedonistsoup,2019/03/10,"DAE have a strong personality? First of all, I definitely have BPD. I've been diagnosed multiple times. I think it may be similar to how there's a small group of people with BPD who've never self-harmed. But yeah, I have a really strong personality. I've always been this way and had the same personality. Throughout my life people have always commented on how strong my sense of self is. I have always had the same interests and passions. After high school I've switched a lot between careers but only because I can't hold down a job and I have a hard time choosing between my interests. 

Anyway, just wondering if there are any other pwBPD like this? ",3.526263440860216,6.040768669354839,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,76.01612903225806,8.004301075268819,25.655913978494624,8.841846274778883,2.207410752688173,521,19,95,12,12,172,78,124,0.026000000000000002,0.8190000000000001,0.155,0.9179999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,8,1,15,3,0,2,2,20,17,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,9,7,10,11,4,10,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,4,6,64,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004895865450684,0.0,0.0,0.10910273722339424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780097385013208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041298503204557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284029067009706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646772480790478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372013855450047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951061656724764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920907699090114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332147631344885,0.07838146852962047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363978946373812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373899077395095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201965262329845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224537839479677,0.4202624913959496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278012164707216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237092183980012,0.0,0.0,0.3347417939830345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280162267566846,0.0,0.0,0.18710433945687596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734751111955095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398720328260225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,country_baby,2019/03/10,Just wanted to say thank you For my whole life I have wondered why I was different and what was wrong with me. Reading everything online about BPD made me feel like I was some kind of manipulative monster. This sub has helped me so much. It helped me paint a different picture of the disorder and helped me see that there are others out there like me. Thanks so much guys.,3.9333333333333336,5.9063101111111145,4.003888888888889,87.73,72.8888888888889,7.5777777777777775,24.5,8.344100000000001,1.3714000000000004,296,9,60,5,6,91,54,72,0.07400000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.133,0.5574,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,11,13,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,11,5,7,9,4,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,2,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303408939689508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821578367161669,0.20960536551907316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436784200221932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247361187171592,0.13065514448262475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810877637560274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677576907641591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904495929027136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917912467600695,0.1786995691349762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305294266668253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688872836092416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829373811137444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454397899577944,0.0,0.0,0.14573796900090666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367571929554836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787201542563142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502787347945644,0.2041877968253016,0.0,0.0,0.19833411420360814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995919645831065,0.0,0.0
bpd,regular_gemini,2019/03/10,"dbt goals I’m new to dbt, and in my first one on one session my therapist asked me to write down my specific goals for dbt.
I was just wondering if anyone else that has done dbt has written some of these and was willing to share? I’ve got a few but I’m looking to see what other people thought of.",2.1173437500000034,3.294022296875003,3.598875,92.05862500000002,76.03125,6.995000000000001,25.3,7.554174236665415,1.0343787499999997,233,8,54,3,5,77,46,64,0.0,0.973,0.027000000000000003,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,15,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,5,1,10,8,2,5,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,3,2,36,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919776740190198,0.2813176100459992,0.0,0.0,0.2566751174671037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809686511723212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935838066051945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233539304046701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958949899474728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055997508127696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651702922479729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720958652936029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903442808872648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878756249385695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187835585341677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796876577600727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29774696123091804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spanksmitten,2019/03/10,"Myer Briggs (probably again) Ive got ENFP-T and whilst its very accurate i wonder how much bpd affects this? As a personality disorder i imagine it would, and i can see characteristics that relate to bpd, then an immediate spiral of am i just enfp and making up the rest of my symptoms for attention, before then trying to ground myself by repeating that my bestfriendsoulmate has assured me i was this loopy (ticked all the boxes) way before we even thought of mental health. Le sigh",5.4606260032102725,7.505614292134832,6.471942215088284,71.30752808988765,69.0,9.130658105939006,28.4446227929374,9.606745405546679,2.8963341894060988,388,14,64,9,7,129,71,89,0.032,0.925,0.043,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,3,2,15,11,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,11,1,9,7,3,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,5,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589011719559739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.531213381741151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416964984591183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928986931058882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686668033215827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416462034232584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076971536591082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21252601259460502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502731709084958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413970913587796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273734780201893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680508354966582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191939055549968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742191733070705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317945252431985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740051035240845,0.0,0.1673934800522488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286995889121977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980914401263018,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuckingusernamess,2019/03/10,"Navigating relationships with BPD is hell I am so sick of everything to do with BPD and relationships. A couple of months ago I got out of a relationship with someone who treated me like shit for a year but I let them get away with it because I was convinced that it was my fault; that it was me coming on way too strong rather than them just being a bad person to be in a relationship with. 

Now I have someone new, who seems super nice but every single time I get ignored or they're not as enthusiastic as I am I take it as some kind of personal attack. I always disclose mental health issues as soon as relationships start to get serious but never really go into detail as it doesn't seem like the right time, and now I can't do that because I feel like I'll be manipulating my partner into treating me differently and that is not what I want at all. I am so confused and exhausted by having to assess every single thing that I do or that gets done to me from 100 different angles. 

How do I navigate relationships without either being way too into it or not into it enough? How do I deal with the starting bit of a relationship where it's not supposed to be serious or intense? I am so used to living like this that I feel like it's now having a huge effect on me and every single person around me and I do not know how to cope with all of that and still be a functional human.

Thanks for the space to rant. I am going to try and shower and have breakfast and keep myself busy so I do not sit and obsess about every little detail that I cannot control.",8.196538981523211,5.7441629148265,9.060903560162236,70.42978706624608,63.38485804416403,11.580802163136545,33.99932401982875,9.957137785484203,3.1082989634970715,1232,36,242,20,14,425,156,317,0.132,0.743,0.124,-0.1665,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,4,19,24,3,2,11,0,32,5,1,7,3,62,52,31,0,2,17,0,2,5,1,0,3,0,1,5,23,25,1,3,6,0,0,3,11,11,0,0,5,2,33,13,47,40,9,36,1,0,0,0,17,16,2,8,19,196,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340350857938055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068902150804741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371588589422838,0.0,0.09420504443399293,0.07780000765924514,0.0,0.06914047974620806,0.10095689389387913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904039195567022,0.0,0.2085853177733792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133099482938464,0.0,0.0,0.09287521744924604,0.0,0.0916244945196763,0.0,0.0,0.08537049652465249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303161509344026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474042569120599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556188253328557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279074253535134,0.0,0.07442169292001395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373952790386427,0.1183148348565003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305319333417007,0.0,0.0941223801915559,0.0,0.06622841211819384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880200879247369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642911106687529,0.0,0.0736027659894229,0.0,0.08623086454804246,0.04550862321583491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467588247340528,0.0,0.2022768611107402,0.08299448053081313,0.07312019707890283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345009255387291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609584685046352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386594974628969,0.07997562486774808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691192879354376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053048356407084184,0.0,0.0,0.6223269408744324,0.0,0.07071682128107404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076896967226008,0.0,0.0,0.08500031059812754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032439472231484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722260029725767,0.0,0.06612986668754166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062260642825227,0.0,0.0,0.0762376633331978,0.0,0.0,0.05501336578316108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657098596266513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056220593512752215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151875772619204,0.0,0.0,0.04884178017352661,0.1314568624587242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982310108350997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332506525311295
bpd,BruiseViolet06,2019/03/10,"Numb? So.. I'm going through some Jerry Springer shit with my bf of 4 years. He has had a lot of paranoia and has accused me of things I've never done since the beginning of our relationship, and it has made me uneasy over the years, wondering if he is just guilty himself and has drawn me to snoop in his phone but I never found anything, until just a few days ago. He had made a comment about Kik being in my google play history (he has my email synced to his phone, like I said, he is paranoid) and flipped his shit on me and I have NEVER used kik prior to this. Well, I defided to snoop, and while he was asleep I went to several email platforms, typed in his number, and as soon as I found one that recognized it as a valid account, so I grabbed his phone and had a verification text sent to me. I typed the code in and I was in and I discovered the email was a girl's name and apparently he has been crossdressing and has been trying to hookup with trannies since I've been with him. He even had an emotional affair with one of them, telling the guy he was in love with him. The guy was apparently lying to him and had a bf all along and broke things off with him, and I saw a heartfelt message sent to him from my bf. I also recovered pics that were exchanhed between him and all of them, as well as an entire google drive album that was filled with pics of the oje he fell in love with. I also saw he has been doing this all the way up until December, when he had to move in with family and I was around more, leaving him without the privacy to dobthis stuff anymore. I confronted him about it all and he is very apologetic, treating me like a queen, basically worshipping me, etc, but I know he would still be doing this stuff if he had the privacy. He would still be trying to find local men to hook up with when I wasn't around, etc. And honestly, I am far more attractive than all of these men and my only conclusion is he is gay. He denies it and it only makes me hate him more, because not only is he lying to himself to feel better; he is damaging me even more than I already am in the proccess. Every man I have ever loved has hurt me on an emotional level, my father being the first one. And at first I felt completely terrible about myself, which is nothing new, and I was devastated, but now I feel completely numb towards him and everything else. The only thing I can even feel right now is sexual arousal, and as much as I'd love to physically act on it like I used to when I was younger, I have not. Sorry if that is tmi. But this numbness is new and I'm wondering... Is this a form of depression, or have I really just fallen out of love with him and stopped giving a damn? And if I've fallen out of love, why am I still allowing him to be here? ",5.305777116402116,4.845838666666669,6.200383046737213,82.16792906746035,67.97707231040565,9.838822751322752,29.711695326278658,9.435801123606538,2.286499162257496,2152,68,466,39,32,715,234,567,0.133,0.737,0.13,0.4236,2,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,1,0,2,5,28,31,5,0,27,0,61,14,4,6,9,91,93,54,0,6,15,1,5,3,3,2,3,1,0,6,22,44,0,1,11,1,1,11,7,13,2,5,34,8,68,18,81,52,16,66,1,4,2,8,74,27,3,9,30,346,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875124958355862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558813041834767,0.124047584330072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769175482395125,0.0,0.0,0.06382433317660653,0.13808765731971753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727916106198682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859450874387915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626379777735497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001904829002046,0.0,0.06680133230217478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936964144176707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479047523179013,0.17448655628760404,0.0,0.0,0.17299726088314982,0.15368068627907333,0.07015642902239569,0.06534668447214036,0.0,0.06970490216883331,0.0,0.07311559046265884,0.0,0.11764826970161694,0.0,0.07446866826646792,0.0,0.07088739276480703,0.13194305305881393,0.0,0.17007857310638824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744015255651032,0.04407848737196469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359092998758545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657331699737017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302836353204224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262432100956665,0.0,0.0,0.08212363391849369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367402375457965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593776907537352,0.41999939444592777,0.14677613688505994,0.05177114117443907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243279370997288,0.057014685993664285,0.0,0.1794545221016149,0.14981366019956555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744198177571799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766767192937298,0.2359480312719532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968619159936883,0.0,0.0,0.08326918983786129,0.0,0.06623484249929652,0.07377623647500324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761943532822206,0.1592261100787067,0.12831498060413593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868207937146311,0.0,0.0,0.1858158168820738,0.06484267965306248,0.0,0.0,0.1775726773648175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677898620149373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457998049096647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531474942103217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397190563505856,0.0,0.06399418196024692,0.0,0.061562612845662126,0.0,0.0,0.13946945881911188,0.07189784006845806,0.06998480746532397,0.0,0.0,0.0747639731579209,0.16821855003873634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019117746654072,0.0,0.0,0.09989072569498847
bpd,siaameezkat,2019/03/10,"DAE have crazy tactile aversions? So I absolutely cannot stand the feel of certain materials.  Windbreakers, sleeping bags, shower liners, mattresses, pillows, and honestly most plastic-like materials completely freak me out to the point where I am cringing even thinking about them.  I am fine with those materials, as long as my bare skin isn't touching them, but if I don't have something to cover it, I will avoid the material at all costs.  Anyone else have this issue?",8.377108433734941,9.265787915662653,8.086409638554219,66.65346987951811,61.40963855421687,10.977349397590363,39.49156626506024,10.793553405168565,4.6432910843373465,379,19,59,9,5,121,68,83,0.106,0.833,0.062,-0.5509,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,9,2,2,0,2,11,11,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,9,3,9,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572542503715194,0.3454240892196612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35346882827223697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816244234820628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266768131599224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046037507749415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35187059346662736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29834474606762634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186918047731523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33736816207021525,0.0,0.0,0.2595350603620762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21601589183160844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ODDBALL1134,2019/03/10,Am I alone? So today I’ve been physically sick really without any solid reasoning. What feels messed up about it all is even tho I was feeling cruddy. What my head kept telling me I wanted was for someone to beat and abuse me continually until maybe finally killing me for some mercy. And what I wanted was that final killing and for someone to enjoy themselves even at my expense. Does anyone else kinda relate to this feeling or no?,4.415923344947736,6.626966585365857,5.383449477351917,77.33036585365856,72.17073170731706,7.124738675958188,28.787456445993037,7.957251820313856,2.164970034843205,348,14,58,5,7,114,60,82,0.253,0.659,0.08800000000000001,-0.9536,0,1,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,1,15,12,7,2,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,5,3,9,1,11,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,5,43,15,0,0.0,0.21607437188797146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887659914343574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401541058207707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275148322220473,0.18685593535511294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959007198341907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234373256209496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409025841807777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766298051016959,0.0,0.0,0.3995469704193453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716054661090525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40352281971704296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832115678550812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682859028219104,0.1875030397979914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30903693022656026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939627811462173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286203058655109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512886396547345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579470888741705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,comicsr4nerds,2019/03/10,"I lost yet another person I loved to death. I don't know what I did wrong.

I loved him as much as my entire body, mind and soul could allow. 

I always did my best to make him happy, as much as I could.

He was the only person I was ever truly honest with, and for that I'm paying the price.

We agreed to be friend, but today I found out he blocked me for no reason. I expect he's probably replaced me with someone else. It only hurts so much because he begged to be in my life and promised to always be there, as I have promised him. And he was right; I am garbage and he threw me away like I was.

I told him from the beginning that I'm not perfect, but I'm doing everything in my power to change, I'm so tired of my disorder rotting me from the inside out. I'm so tired of all of this. I'm tired that no matter how much I've changed my ways and always try to be a better person, it will NEVER be enough. I'm almost starting to think what's the point of it all then? Why can't I fall the deep end and never go back?

Emotions are a weakness. I've always believed it, which is why I envied people with more extreme disorders than mine. I want to BE like them. I want to alter the human mind to never feel emotions again. We would all better off.

I forget sometimes that the universe put me here to make everyone else happy, except myself. I look at everyone else be so happy...but I can only look. I wasn't born to be happy. I have accepted this now. I was meant to observe happiness, but it will forever be out of my reach. I will never be perfect enough, there will always be a better option than I.

I am defeated. You win, universe. Is this what you want? I give up, and I will let my heart rot away. I will let my emotions die completely. I will never be the girl you abused her entire life, tormenting her with illusions of love and happiness.

I will become the cold, dead shell of a human you have planning all along. I will kill all my emotions and burn my heart out if it's the last thing I do. I guess you can say I'm dying, but only the part of me that has some humanity left.

The only comfort I have right now is a razorblade and pills. I'm damaging my skin, and yet I'm trying my hardest to harden myself to the pain. To dull your emotions is the beginning of something better.

Humanity is disgusting for having emotions. My goal is to change this.

This will be the last person I ever love in my entire life. I'm done.",1.911857712948944,3.469624280078897,3.810738956928581,88.74199807348289,77.40236686390533,6.451979267006101,21.84986927205174,7.215322853602372,0.6479431127012522,1878,51,402,22,43,636,208,507,0.168,0.667,0.165,-0.8878,1,0,1,0,1,0,63.0,2,6,1,13,16,35,2,0,21,0,58,17,4,5,14,71,94,28,5,8,7,0,2,2,1,11,9,1,0,9,21,23,0,1,7,0,2,4,11,10,0,0,14,6,76,25,57,52,15,44,1,5,2,4,38,17,0,5,24,290,97,2,0.0,0.06867711400175085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804194124274952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24115083170259935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060779646295382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891698638936903,0.044570252880824036,0.0,0.03533393173402193,0.06401598708843294,0.0,0.06530486780562385,0.06082897968943622,0.20505555808042453,0.0,0.06438423603125623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839526761390104,0.0,0.060773489576894886,0.0,0.0,0.09255806721746652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031365153215035,0.0,0.13286208512506115,0.0,0.0,0.05931665091900309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526287125865767,0.3912059306818646,0.0513383404773961,0.11978330948427925,0.0,0.0,0.10486237141687188,0.0,0.11077296605310423,0.052093738540138386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02930802096095149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355384229091945,0.0447823550900431,0.0,0.0,0.055603745205583165,0.032941918358026345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385318578011058,0.0,0.0,0.3085154205214737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737374264945731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205098532062345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412787978942643,0.0,0.031855151718670836,0.09449576397395126,0.0,0.0,0.06297736999592962,0.1185429438420852,0.12282372507436674,0.056635948482107235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973492629923506,0.0,0.06327386436805653,0.0,0.2092568141839659,0.0,0.07738199777494824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705295834256794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043898220576187,0.0,0.22352461743087484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041877019585907,0.06167711131671268,0.0,0.0,0.06276868011689632,0.0,0.04018450178234978,0.20244551216990989,0.0,0.0,0.054794119103215536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249431535932939,0.0,0.0,0.05826919541542117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059595997097508326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900080080589692,0.0,0.046094797492636584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911217443900411,0.04462303327524368,0.0573272540413014,0.0,0.041026770900277884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850828677602261,0.03714058638449688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998610976614282,0.054942496314749616,0.055386483026552115,0.0,0.07870664544469394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025648904115577,0.04600862432403821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460584975931927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04117551427350378,0.06337384473816206,0.0,0.0
bpd,greatfulforever,2019/03/10,"So now I know..... I’m a 33 yo female, I’m a medical doctor that is from and currently lives on a third world country. Last year was really hard, I went through knee surgery that made me left a hobby that I really liked (sports) and also left me with a lot of limitation when it comes to physical activity, with gave me bad depression and a lot of extra weight and I haven’t been able to feel like myself since. This year didn’t started exactly how I expected either, my mom was diagnosed with MS and I recently had to take a life changing decision career wise that left with a lot of uncertainty for my future, I’ve always thought that things happen for a reason, so I guess all I went through lately kind of made me look really close to myself, I always really knew something was wrong with me, I started cutting at 15 (stopped by 18), there was always this feeling of dread about life in general, no matter how many good things I could have, I was depressed and suicidal since I can remember, I even tried to kill myself once when I was 26.....I don’t understand how I could not see it before given that I even read about this in medical school, but I guess it’s hard to see the forest when you are looking to just one tree, I’ve seen three different psychiatrists for my suicide attempt but I guess I didn’t pay to much attention and they didn’t either, plus I only went to a few appointments. But yesterday it all became crystal clear, I was talking to my SO, we had a difficult relationship because of me, and he suggested that I may have BPD, he did that in a very careful way and out of true concern, I must admit at first I felt offended and kind of mad, but then on my way home, I went through the internet and read a couple of articles, it was hard and I was in shock, but they described me......I got home and cried a lot, partly because I was scared (I still am) and partly because I was relieved, all these years, all the things I did that felt so wrong and gave so much guilt, suddenly it wasn’t because I didn’t try, I swear I always do, but I’m wired like this and it has been a real struggle going against it, I know I have to look for a good therapist now to have a real diagnosis and I know I will need therapy, but I guess this is the first step, coming to terms with this, and to all the people out there that have this, you are awesome!! Is so exhausting been in our heads but we keep going and we are here, all my life I thought I was weak but know I realized that I’m actually a fighter and I won’t give up, for me the instability is the hardest part, and I’m grateful because I know I’m lucky to being able to function but still living with this is a true challenge, thank you all for reading! I just really need it to vent......best wishes and a lot of love and compassion to all of you! 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bpd,ummmJRDN,2019/03/10,"Feel like i'm too far gone I can recognize I don't have the traits necessary to survive in this world, or that the payoff would even be worth it to put myself through the wringer again to overcome my issues or trauma. Haven't felt truly wanted by anyone for years, never experienced romance. I can't open up or function around people whatsoever and im losing my mind more and more each day.",4.193679653679657,5.87126787012987,4.89292207792208,82.84033549783553,71.59740259740259,7.2112554112554115,25.82034632034632,7.793537801064563,1.454759307359308,314,10,59,4,6,101,61,77,0.13699999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.7453,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,12,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,2,3,6,2,9,8,3,12,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,3,5,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234883383382865,0.0,0.0,0.25761924000351866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663317860972065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113994869103496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632472549947348,0.206740904400227,0.27786062991079863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31259181300498506,0.3020488953924574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138176757291387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32375437438322463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922022954261854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319608909468816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062720033091375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909177673783088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069024045613496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557498001647706,0.0,0.0,0.18635824038466292
bpd,shadowhood2020,2019/03/10,"Therapist called me a horrible person So I went to my therapist yesterday and left crying.

I’ve been going through a rough time because I’m distancing myself away from a longtime friend. Furthermore, I didn’t come in for help for a while because I was abroad for one week and for two weeks I was too anxious to come in (I was afraid to come in because I was scared I would be judged).

My therapist said “well I’m not surprised that she stopped being friends with you. From what you’ve said, maybe it’s not BPD, maybe you’re just a horrible person after all.” She then tried to deflect when I pointed out what she said was unprofessional, saying that since I’ve said it, I’m just projecting what I think about myself into what she’s saying.

It just confirmed the worst fears I have of coming into therapy. I’ve asked the centre to look for a new therapist, because I have no interest of talking to her again.

I feel like my life is falling apart and I hate myself so much. How do I stop being a piece of shit?",3.1180081537565516,4.9374996534653475,4.115404775771694,86.72094641817124,74.74257425742574,7.327198602213162,25.74373907979033,8.124751697461798,1.5485610949330226,798,28,161,13,17,258,113,202,0.20199999999999999,0.7190000000000001,0.08,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,11,12,2,3,9,0,15,2,1,1,1,23,33,9,0,1,5,0,2,1,2,1,1,6,0,2,9,11,0,2,2,0,0,7,4,6,1,2,12,9,27,6,27,17,4,29,0,0,1,0,20,10,1,0,13,111,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508071173600673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095231891503731,0.0,0.09570739728222152,0.0,0.0,0.24838870439705876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829791715967112,0.0,0.10401759372417108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509975932430772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189611330128653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462869274824787,0.051507014629248775,0.07277380327253669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574043789465189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789336212919431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057257030970453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068279301070543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106787906973931,0.0,0.07195167280489592,0.049767069412430434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554262192889471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467818141917396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488396403123634,0.0,0.0,0.09838378082989696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902771375407825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789266581415028,0.0,0.0,0.09629723883459708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875953672124444,0.1620174498952872,0.1019866352051273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456500892851132,0.08426543288598194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033074220100042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081876833829824,0.0,0.0,0.11649378928531642,0.4731017413620541,0.0,0.06527225870330661,0.0,0.0,0.059399465357034026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916100448645468,0.0,0.09950925457332573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342312152951474,0.0,0.09159066436695763,0.09443172712041753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236339222214573,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,eravka,2019/03/10,"DAE never get angry at anyone else (always make it your own fault)? I have a problem with the fact that I never get angry at anyone. So if someone does anything against me (or I'm involved in something) that is unfair or mean; My brain will find a way of making anything MY own fault! (I swear It is like a superpower or something!)  So if people are mean to me, I will torture myself with all the ways it's my own fault and that ofcourse they would be mean or unfair to me, Its all my fault, because I am so stupid, ugly++++

Anyone else do this?  

I am also really conflict shy, so even if I were to get angry at anyone else I would probably never act on it...",3.723777777777777,4.265263303703705,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000003,71.51851851851852,6.888888888888888,26.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,1.009222222222223,506,15,103,3,9,171,75,135,0.214,0.716,0.07,-0.9669,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,0,6,8,2,0,5,0,13,1,1,2,6,26,22,13,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,18,1,12,16,5,11,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,7,4,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127304996859676,0.10537367570240892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541953394800721,0.3892694302909937,0.20842598162356615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719787316395453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137084888002882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082251911170793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173715508161272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364377215835782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574562307495892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849073135616527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186934984130491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906484379862974,0.0,0.0,0.4138405294481494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930150858162535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779543966695255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653810922865384,0.12117628532647792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112809599263288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730069446241874,0.1949855616920373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104006379766956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992122429363894,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrunchySockTaco,2019/03/10,"I think it's time to just cut off my family and be done with it. I'm 43. BPD since I was very young. Family abuse mostly from my father. He physically and mentally abused me. He physically, mentally and sexually abused my sister. My mother was also a victim but didn't stand up for me and my sister or try to get a divorce, even after she learned about the sexual abuse of my sister. I was never close with any of my family. I rarely talk to any of them. My father has tried to redeem himself in our adult years. He has helped me and my sister financially a couple of times when we were in binds. He likes to make us feel guilty or uncomfortable at times while he's helped though. Acts like he's enabling us with our problems even though he's the main reason for our problems.
My mother has a brain disorder that has taken her communication abilities away for the most part. I don't try to communicate with her as she's in a different state and I was never close with her anyway. I really don't feel I ever really knew her. My sister is caught up in her own family and financial issues always. I'm in a bad bind at the moment but can't ask my father for help as he's made it clear that he's not there for that. He's only there for advice even though he's apologized for his transgressions. He still blames other outside sources though. His parents, Texas, the jews, etc. He's a piece of work. I thought he was coming around finally. I opened up to him over the phone about my BPD. He apologized for everything and said he'd be there for me with no judgment. Said he had the same problems (possibly BPD too). He won't offer help in a money sense though. He has money, he's far from broke. He acts like he's being targeted or used whenever my sister or I have asked for help. I can count on one hand the times I've asked him my while life. It's always been small amounts and I've paid him back for half of them because that's what was agreed upon.
I have a 14 year old son. He's amazing. Honor student. All-county concert band and first chair trumpet in All-county jazz band. I could never see not helping him if he needed it. No matter his age. He's blood. I have his back always and forever. My family doesn't have my back. They never really did. I believe it's time to cut them off officially and be done with them. It would be a weight off of my heart and mind. Sometimes the people you need the most help from don't have the capability.

Btw, I'm starting pre-DBT therapy next month. Wish me luck.

TD;LR: My family has never really been there for me, especially the main culprit of everyone's pain, my father. It's been a long time coming to cut them all off. Fuck em. ",2.003820297349709,4.007284673992675,3.7351109674639122,87.3520458952812,78.63369963369964,7.066235725059255,19.863391510450327,8.060288974870295,0.8083019176901529,2096,50,441,38,51,701,243,546,0.121,0.769,0.11,-0.75,2,0,0,0,5,0,65.0,6,1,6,4,25,17,5,0,23,0,42,8,4,4,8,70,70,31,0,9,10,14,4,3,0,2,2,3,0,1,14,27,1,0,7,4,3,5,16,11,0,3,23,8,72,6,65,38,12,65,1,1,1,1,89,26,1,9,35,282,86,3,0.0,0.29401439943077196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062175529538062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961089846770428,0.1548590487221042,0.0,0.0,0.08437445899728148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522600689025181,0.17398842331517864,0.0,0.05828572372061148,0.1431076748460088,0.05179823269489273,0.037817127544270086,0.0,0.0,0.06989435915757525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439996800187504,0.06925371391752365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687861820146813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953142859337877,0.06864266642498103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481537223260793,0.07109967915252141,0.0,0.0,0.12697060548984945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918755888085673,0.12292439171005975,0.05611594124760422,0.0,0.059278930762943875,0.05575477898864525,0.0,0.3508972935931521,0.0,0.06273545639322403,0.0,0.0,0.06795840798112704,0.0,0.0527685681601208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057352128216553985,0.032411727579201584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351404290519534,0.29107425483624244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475042150543169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04381850767475655,0.09092430910864126,0.0,0.0,0.05490071753791489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058700828910227515,0.041410122449916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250372380516469,0.0,0.0626395993573054,0.0,0.04951727364191553,0.0,0.0,0.09199917272873226,0.23923346629801706,0.0,0.06597696283680837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509730650178369,0.0,0.042037819094292994,0.04718186930565595,0.06601165142854519,0.0,0.06888465247182908,0.06717993343153962,0.0,0.043008585646381235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993730038204013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808284800022076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896974503746922,0.0637842807964209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802262484537343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943538926422038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051317577113785116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061356095159804,0.0,0.043910047699884255,0.0,0.049542760410935416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049862922315723895,0.0,0.0,0.0709446188096515,0.0,0.0,0.03975075015552549,0.3047547697711825,0.049250380875197806,0.21704534395035152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263569791115701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492455405484493,0.053579976134807264,0.0,0.05118695186043951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554424956006847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713393905709318,0.0,0.0,0.045163612935602934,0.0,0.0,0.04406924445044663,0.0,0.0,0.0798994785280636
bpd,the1hours,2019/04/03,"Just broke my friendship off from my FP. I know it’s for the best but I feel so sad and want to reach out. I miss him already, not sure what to do ",-1.8032352941176484,-0.0856763235294089,0.2191176470588232,108.63102941176471,91.64705882352942,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.7685058823529411,111,2,32,0,4,36,30,34,0.284,0.5329999999999999,0.183,-0.7339,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,5,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,2,6,5,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5441327961092456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174634632050367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493191584598207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709872368963627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647278337980788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908349697056574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sundaiwreck,2019/04/03,"This shit is ruining all the good things I’ve worked so hard for Fuck the drugs, they’ve well and truly fucked me up and I won’t let them guide me anymore. Flushed EVERYTHING.",2.8866666666666667,4.5996765555555585,2.8566666666666687,95.955,75.1111111111111,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.7408444444444444,140,4,32,2,3,42,31,36,0.32899999999999996,0.505,0.166,-0.8285,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,3,0,2,0,3,4,1,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,4,2,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,18,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870080710210295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33561333200097665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600949974366112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5350932032035041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427358649590393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592464910430617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959321747562714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970660126059249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226519407088966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602062940005244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068740660071575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CrimeanQueen,2019/04/03,DAE think their significant other couldn’t possibly have looked up what BPD is because if they had they would have darted a long time ago? I always wonder this when I’m in a relationship. I always disclose the fact that I have BPD when I begin dating someone I could see myself becoming serious with but I don’t ever really fully explain it to them. I often catch myself thinking “If he had looked it up he wouldn’t still be here.” Especially in my current relationship which is actually approaching its 6 month mark so I feel ridiculous still thinking this way because even if he did look it up at this point I know that wouldn’t be the definitive reason he’d leave me if he ever did. Does anyone else have this type of re-occurring thought when dating someone?,6.4097278911564635,6.947107523809527,7.075238095238094,73.42809523809524,65.59863945578232,9.798639455782316,31.29931972789116,9.725611199111238,2.951919727891156,614,22,109,12,9,203,93,147,0.049,0.94,0.011000000000000001,-0.6221,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,4,0,11,2,1,0,4,0,19,0,0,1,3,24,33,9,0,9,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,5,18,0,9,20,0,25,0,0,4,0,12,7,0,6,15,78,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.13581081458334285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336668917145704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23160283169246496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973115949607888,0.14259712992158266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967469252853332,0.15370342887261884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35056199031208785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111167143411706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178947479278787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625950753777575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919211290494642,0.251776263704596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036903623693076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648473872086725,0.0,0.0,0.1473619880456132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316195032180573,0.3506057517978258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108495972106533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156157346421166,0.1568943850204762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915650249677279,0.14309096083007694,0.0,0.2988351287434087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090126376753144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583826334622265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222842713238787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675254606205251,0.0,0.11048622376368852,0.08115172584259722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046745723920318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092500646319018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988630811970178,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adrislnk,2019/04/03,"It sucks having an episode. Makes me feel and look insane to everyone. So I'm a minor, and yesterday I was faced with some bad consequences for something I had done. But now, that is over and I do not want to remember it happened. So I will not be discussing it in this post.

Anyways. After I was faced with the possibility of severe consequences for my action (we're talking confrontation w/ school principal and shit), I decided my only option was to run away from home and become a homeless kid living in Boston. So I packed up a bunch of stuff, and ran out the back of my house without telling anyone. I hitched a ride from someone. I told her a bunch of lies about my situation. She dropped me at a train station, but right before my train came apparently she called the police. So the police came, and I was on the phone with my sister, and while I was asking her to pick me up (that's what the police told me to do) and I muttered under my breath ""God, this makes me want to kill myself"". Then I was forced into an ambulance and to the hospital.

Okay. Fuck hospital ERs. FUCK them. If I didn't want to kill myself before getting into one, I surely do upon arrival. They tried to make me change into those dreadful hospital slacks and I refused because, I had gone a while w/o an episode. And I didn't want to feel like a psycho I am. But then I remembered I am a fucking psycho. I hate myself. I hate having this. 
Anyways, I refused to change or do anything and they threatened to tie me down and inject me with fucking sedatives if I didn't comply. That would have made me feel like even more of an insane person. What did they not get about me NOT wanting to be a patient.
Made me pee in a cup and shit. I had just smoked weed the night before. hope they didn't get anything! Lol! That would make me want to die if I am confronted with that in the near future.

So after waiting for literally like 5 hours in that stupid, stupid fucking hospital bed they finally let me out. And then I get out, to my sister, grandmother, and my dad all yelling at me for always winding up in the ER, even though this time I did not even want to. They were all telling me how this is all my fault, asking me why I always do this. They know I have BPD but they show no sympathy.

So that night, I sobbed and felt like I was dying, and I cried until I finally dissociated enough to fall asleep.

I just feel I was doing SO well, I had been 3 months without being in inpatient care. And now my family probably thinks I'm a lunatic who can't be trusted with anything again, just for this minor hospital visit. And I was so close to being able to start HRT (I'm trans too) and now they probably think I'm too mentally unstable for it. When a big reason for my mental instability is not only BPD, but having crippling gender dysphoria every day of my life, and despising myself for the body I was born in.

My dad told me that my therapist wasn't doing enough, and that I need to know how to cope with my impulses like this. The thing is, my therapist is doing DBT correctly. It's just that when I'm in the moment, all those skill things seem stupid and worthless. So I can't help feeling it's my fault the DBT isn't working, because it almost feels like I ignore all my DBT skills purposely.

My body and my life feel like a prison in so many ways. How the fuck am I supposed to manage all this, and still be expected to do well in school, do well socially, and do other obligations I need to? The worst part is my dad is constantly telling me I'm spoiled and I should just learn to be normal like everyone else. Even the people who support me the most will NEVER understand what it is like to be trapped in a mind that constantly throws me through impulsive decisions, extreme emotions, and thoughts that, if I had the choice, wouldn't be my own.

Thank you a lot if you've read this far. I strongly doubt anyone will, but any responses would be highly appreciated. ",3.7054280306289233,5.025757380710662,4.728204422266199,84.95207906736644,72.2741116751269,7.8804439473457775,26.42699819323755,8.388109219054641,1.675180392325561,3088,103,628,50,59,1009,321,788,0.196,0.72,0.084,-0.9985,1,1,2,0,1,3,94.0,0,1,10,4,40,48,19,2,39,2,75,17,9,11,9,139,141,64,4,22,25,5,8,9,0,8,2,1,2,2,41,46,0,4,21,2,0,10,19,28,5,1,36,10,110,20,87,86,17,80,0,2,1,6,41,35,10,14,41,463,151,6,0.05671429736611189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567911764488799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438167739248207,0.0,0.0,0.03856766702508139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931191078296185,0.0,0.1400131030829917,0.0,0.10604042433986527,0.0,0.05328494929596785,0.04360979390988698,0.04735406934291984,0.06914501854261064,0.06263648562482492,0.14477906955954511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599359810124067,0.14285934430903746,0.0,0.0579116386493839,0.12973209465123894,0.05782400597452985,0.0,0.11999241313176218,0.0,0.0,0.12257601465901252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229799255843404,0.036576029944384365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177209732664642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803841698899975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047377518029699375,0.0637959510011431,0.0,0.1172020597330084,0.0,0.14983703410015775,0.0,0.047784241598537315,0.10838588314227816,0.0,0.0,0.05346519211356348,0.0,0.20073516975591327,0.16206682148161108,0.054454619460966185,0.12425548118324235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31458872419774764,0.11852351830997293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050152265859009365,0.0,0.0,0.1119872541035707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038014398038424616,0.05992176899829445,0.0568890644593665,0.05633009409392521,0.05585215868039465,0.06544068455316987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549193422674554,0.0,0.06233738925080709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579942115680572,0.08011797094144019,0.24936966848941594,0.0,0.05007976362837182,0.0,0.04762572592674626,0.0,0.0,0.0482164674982019,0.0,0.10732887892431378,0.15142893554246462,0.05749939586827683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430934479987905,0.0,0.05726527291096219,0.0,0.045268811071672035,0.0,0.0,0.08410586574543881,0.04374156245427413,0.0,0.0,0.10644505229245707,0.055567969833286025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843107567282982,0.08626755758209136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141605727956687,0.0,0.0393185527976605,0.04952073688766144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639368488005245,0.054316619596938766,0.0,0.12229520979596699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672964506043125,0.0,0.0,0.05831174344525077,0.0,0.0,0.1284924862485485,0.048433700069003466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479579353266944,0.0,0.05163056628206534,0.0,0.06407101294077397,0.11643282247992234,0.0,0.06374924647541952,0.0,0.05781308396487071,0.048053840113455294,0.04366143692230779,0.0,0.0,0.04014267158262055,0.0,0.04529211113742145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649243017074347,0.0,0.06435871255623307,0.05345255408142078,0.0,0.0,0.045584803923478814,0.1487123870454803,0.05221490520855724,0.0,0.131699340992287,0.07535691819454284,0.07268046345849305,0.05572150920798913,0.045024817060202206,0.03307056287847775,0.0,0.0,0.16257882471341725,0.0,0.0385052850873368,0.0,0.0,0.0590415836952448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341609340231648,0.04501716941597087,0.0,0.0,0.15297889333630196,0.0,0.05117583202826303,0.0,0.0,0.10934111761302144,0.0,0.04128868394655105,0.0,0.0,0.12086462890860157,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emtarnacki,2019/04/03,"Normalizing our behavior i don’t know if i’m going to articulate but i’m gonna try... 
do people ever try to normalize your behavior? in the moment they’ll trash everything you do and tell you you’re being crazy or that “your borderline is showing”. but when you reach out for help, they try to discount everything you’re feeling. 

for example, i’ve been job hopping since i started working age 16. never kept a job for more than 3 months and everyone would tell me i needed help cuz it’s not normal or feasible in real adult life. now, age 20, i’m struggling to pay bills and having altercations with every colleague or superior. i feel like shit everyday because of it so i finally asked for help. suddenly everyone is trying to tell me its normal to want to change careers or life paths and i just need to get over it. as if i’m a middle aged person trying to change careers after 20 years at the same job

this happens with other things as well, i read somewhere that borderlines never get better because people will always try to use you as a scapegoat for things. they’ll ignore your symptoms until it directly affects them and then use it against you. 

just thought i’d put this out there so people know that their feelings are valid and even if people don’t acknowledge your pain, it doesn’t mean it’s not real! i don’t know if anyone can relate to this",4.753843879361328,6.0095325767790255,5.712249162231423,79.13787108219991,69.67415730337079,8.617307313226886,29.03390498718707,8.99025400887824,2.4176711610486885,1086,40,200,20,19,358,151,267,0.102,0.805,0.09300000000000001,-0.6487,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,9,5,2,10,8,1,1,5,0,17,5,1,4,3,53,42,25,0,12,14,0,3,1,0,5,4,0,0,2,17,10,0,2,9,2,3,2,8,4,1,0,3,3,25,4,32,33,2,27,0,0,0,0,24,7,1,8,19,128,42,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721618317825743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648872026904939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867545169395283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313879060334465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207315429241785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633802679419884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129284937293439,0.08394198791129821,0.07818714085708052,0.1773467994608452,0.16680347437143905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076585383109694,0.06629560800557903,0.0,0.10165674377717733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696727112293736,0.0,0.05273979741677882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206182925251547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186603595323259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27626599789426864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529996732489118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109332427646225,0.0453368929063246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108529135461873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407125841674407,0.0,0.0,0.1376185317995425,0.14314458451197035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636931791028053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874465478125333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25734050582745605,0.08102848765314563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328860354907788,0.0,0.0,0.09282409013367901,0.2112511051541157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525681675675904,0.07676427307376539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656835938462598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701364000967024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645366962539244,0.0,0.0,0.24333118961698794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330303422902016,0.0,0.0,0.07367202231913357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780264850692284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602970424803364,0.0,0.0,0.05473524121647176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343742540296567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755876078676289,0.0,0.0,0.06592173102108255,0.0,0.0,0.05975949891964155
bpd,fiercepowers,2019/04/03,"recovery and new beginnings, trying my best hey all,

i never really know if i'm ""allowed"" to post here because i'm in such a strange transitory period in my recovery and treatment and so many of the behaviors i once had don't affect me as much or in the same way anymore.

i'm basically just coming here to say i've started seeing someone, someone lovely and supportive and amazing, and she's started doing some research in BPD to try and support me better. my greatest fear is that she will encounter the seemingly limitless supply of bullshit literature out there that calls us all inherently abusive or toxic and that she'll run as soon as she can.

for those of you also in treatment/recovery, how do you explain your circumstances to loved ones? yes, i am still borderline, and the symptoms affect me every day, but it's not how it was before my diagnosis, before the almost 7 years of therapy, before being hospitalized several times. i am, and i am not, and i don't know if any resources are out there for me to reference or guide her to so i can explain this. i don't want her to read something (even something respectful and helpful) that no longer applies to me. how do i navigate this? 

thanks all, sending you love and peace",7.265270534550197,7.060462495762714,8.040000000000003,69.75376140808345,63.87288135593221,11.159843546284225,38.06910039113429,10.727762888450028,4.27362816166884,983,47,170,23,13,331,138,236,0.051,0.79,0.159,0.9809,2,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,1,4,0,2,15,11,0,1,6,1,18,4,0,6,4,45,38,28,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,16,0,0,6,1,0,3,7,1,0,1,2,2,29,10,24,33,8,23,0,0,1,3,21,7,0,8,11,132,38,2,0.0,0.1527891422865791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912858305172284,0.0,0.0,0.10312429104999493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769299222111182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127887498565026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786090272097939,0.0,0.3291905059335957,0.0,0.1353290359970537,0.1140491388419625,0.0,0.0,0.16241277131254114,0.0,0.13167622698800108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108226287823077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316451983746305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517275531103939,0.0,0.10864912114251528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510885346647548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643500031531356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173924979959066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491574626589775,0.0,0.0,0.13073889253701335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479586570408298,0.0,0.09945710466612916,0.12454436401257465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373315668025556,0.0873824184863127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350207485181405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289886764412174,0.0,0.08261109333697818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254922145671344,0.0,0.0,0.10275946673233398,0.11739467788913267,0.0,0.14568106584617013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218524238166822,0.19854983947567004,0.0,0.0,0.1825482980103571,0.0,0.1029826550584116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29267044210292664,0.0,0.13403235264639288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872331487674262,0.1474698855397689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519398597182891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510230335890498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551155193394778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606028035433257,0.10235750803500608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304200622202654
bpd,High_As_Hope,2019/04/03,"How would you go about encouraging someone to seek help ? How would you approach the situation ? I don’t imagine many would respond well to being encouraged to seek help. While I don’t pretend to be a medical professional, I did live with someone who suffered from BPD and am well experienced with the signs and symptoms. I’ve read and studied loads about it, trying to understand my last relationship. I have a friend who I would very confidently say is exhibiting at least 7-8 of the 9 traits and it’s clearly impacting their life but I don’t know how to have the conversation with them. Any advice ? Maybe it’s just none of my business but I want to encourage them to seek professional help and feel better because I’ve seen what this can do to people and their relationships. Thanks in advance for any thoughts. Bless you all ",4.7082692307692335,6.873721493589745,5.201538461538462,79.14346153846154,71.24358974358975,8.646153846153847,30.58974358974359,9.265573868473778,2.824797435897436,667,29,123,15,13,213,97,156,0.02,0.7440000000000001,0.235,0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,4,2,8,10,0,0,6,0,16,3,0,3,2,28,24,12,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,2,0,3,4,1,2,0,3,4,16,9,20,15,3,7,1,1,1,0,21,2,0,0,2,83,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840068428943215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654676511323855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257547192563814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431221865689064,0.0,0.0,0.191268604697044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678748835794348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733049374775445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630835824006969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053756507020823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346101208938632,0.12379021404571132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726671459430856,0.0,0.0,0.13409954468271335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153967236400826,0.15256876743857098,0.0,0.0,0.15298797328494432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052840438081141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190605988215802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260922729148619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076911404367592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707025813791318,0.0,0.0,0.25734938077141906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784584468178547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981685429025675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056381719371705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310634124408333,0.0,0.0,0.1580967823576776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530449911532462,0.08957388990206716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730896800910802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315220501748078,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wormhouse1,2019/04/03,"I really need some advice regarding an FP Hi, im new and not sure how everything works but im so desperate for advice so here goes:

I'm wormhouse1 and im a 20 year old gay man who got diagnosed with BPD fairly recently, I am at uni, most of my friends have intermitted, and I had a big falling out with the friend who was still there and I dont talk to them anymore. I have one friend in the area but he doesnt go to the uni. 

I'm really really unsure whether what im feeling for him is a crush or just dependance/FP, I only feel safe when he's around. When I first met him we agreed that neither of us were ready for a full official relationship and that things would remain casual. I was fine with this at the time. Maybe we had different ideas of what this meant, but I felt incredibly hurt and betrayed and like the world was ending when he started dating other people on tinder and told me he had sex with this girl in my class recently. 

Theres also some other red flags such as i have to be the one to initiate plans, he only talks to me when i express that im upset, this is INCREDIBLY small and stupid but he does not like my art on instagram (I've had problems with people who do not care about my ig stuff in the past and this makes me feel like he doesnt care), he also tends to ""forget"" a lot. 

I'm just so unsure if this is just my brain being dumb or that I should actually be worried and cut him off, I feel so fucking crazy and like I'm being targeted by someone who just wants something out of me but I dont know for sure...

And if I do have to cut him off I will have no one until my friend comes back in September and I'm 200 miles away from home. I just want a second opinion or someone to talk some sense into me if thats okay...

Thank you",2.511308571428572,3.518106888000002,4.202280952380953,88.78845000000004,74.78666666666666,7.703809523809522,22.72619047619048,8.192908349453996,0.9719390476190471,1373,35,314,22,28,463,188,375,0.152,0.725,0.124,-0.9268,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,3,1,1,3,24,25,5,1,14,1,30,5,1,2,2,72,57,39,0,9,20,0,5,4,4,3,1,0,1,2,21,26,0,1,8,2,0,3,9,8,0,5,13,6,37,17,41,37,7,42,0,1,1,3,35,21,2,12,22,207,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.08576564301922218,0.0,0.0,0.1717655378739597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056740221715358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716090683532775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823861856123074,0.0,0.0,0.08257331577139862,0.06758015782740376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069138569507617,0.09811165449476196,0.0,0.0,0.17921458001137308,0.0,0.0,0.07570740591867865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920408827493959,0.0,0.09182386108575076,0.0,0.0,0.0769110519705102,0.0,0.20600728139990052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784234837833108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898772936683794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775449355838074,0.0627869361005502,0.08438590159833306,0.0,0.0,0.07475716802242212,0.0,0.0,0.2716070409526469,0.08125069212639041,0.0,0.0,0.049948562053833016,0.0,0.07029176154874177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815845272650356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408551915840324,0.09921442970522393,0.4746685772135371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830073965521251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174981471878742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471891497908739,0.0,0.0,0.05866567143576552,0.0,0.08829493114311532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651675595283949,0.0,0.08488241485969485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922232770310176,0.0,0.1786647855855552,0.133684996742455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389868173870632,0.1218604247065056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409658662373358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890918715360806,0.0,0.17355685158939965,0.09435841708202956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893379710945534,0.06766018670663425,0.0,0.0,0.06220731257691382,0.0,0.07018717000424332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100610302476749,0.0,0.0,0.16566609090446918,0.0,0.0,0.2119222289868374,0.0,0.08091511604546286,0.0,0.0,0.05838863209829781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051247980290544747,0.0,0.0,0.08398039101208725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571799027711286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367679537436644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398323696184931,0.0892541482736459,0.0,0.062432846424910274,0.0,0.0,0.05659674830575018
bpd,birdtongue,2019/04/03,"BPD and crushes Hi, please tell me why I get so attached to people that I've only spoken to for 0.5 seconds? I come off way too strong and I feel like that scares people away.

I just think its funny how I can go from not trusting my family and friends, to obsessing over anyone who shows interest in me. They become the only thing I can think about. 

I have been building up this _one_ conversation I had last night, all day. Every thought I've had has been based off of this person I JUST met. I'm irritated with myself, but I'm glad I can recognize some of my own red flags. 

Thinking about this person makes my hands shake and my entire body vibrate. Obviously, I have a crush, but I'm scared that I'll go off of the deep end again. I don't want to become obsessive and I don't want them to think that I'm crazy and/or clingy. 

I'm probably overthinking this, but I had to get it out. I'm driving myself insane. It feels like their presence is consuming my entire being. I can't think straight and its hard to sleep. 

I've been fine for almost 9 months and then *poof* all of the work I just put towards healing myself disappeared into thin air. It's fucking exhausting. 

",2.2399079401611037,4.277435493670886,3.4982834675872674,89.16903624856155,78.02953586497891,6.503183736095131,22.165132336018413,7.520522993642371,0.8298708860759496,920,27,191,13,22,299,141,237,0.16,0.752,0.08800000000000001,-0.9199,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,2,9,15,1,5,4,0,17,6,3,2,3,35,41,13,0,2,7,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,15,11,0,0,8,1,0,7,4,7,0,2,8,6,29,8,27,32,4,29,0,0,1,1,11,14,1,2,9,117,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332201269462701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302451087950493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499525724606485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938639798708371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777720926923735,0.16755895171006133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460199448010135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579965510606298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178337610557417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209175667488634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541806889644258,0.0,0.13453782521271668,0.1900872977247908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278620773721514,0.12299313729722793,0.1390155931140654,0.0,0.15121915123947172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917751552735495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844518121684228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999303753389282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880508944230353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619108697463532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484882569714027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015120129488144,0.20236550272516046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844660710546441,0.2323304170529193,0.0,0.14603773264151934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343938964360714,0.0,0.0,0.13374172958539912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663920671781445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313586456765564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628263590392356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838572147905108,0.4262326110276044,0.0,0.10561872846377757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694062406484194,0.10560078870272586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004771279078973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968545478496148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,repulsivekoala27,2019/04/03,"Any good/bad experiences with Valproate? I’m faced with the decision of starting to take valproate as a mood stabilizer, and while I think it could help, I am terribly scared by its possible side effects, hair loss in particular.

Have any of you had any experience with it? Should I be worried or am I just overthinking and exaggerating (wouldn’t be the first time lol)",5.872352941176473,7.6183062352941215,6.546352941176476,72.35158823529414,67.52941176470588,10.734117647058824,34.188235294117646,10.793553405168565,4.033478823529412,296,14,54,9,5,97,53,68,0.187,0.774,0.039,-0.8541,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,3,1,4,0,1,3,1,9,2,2,1,0,13,13,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,5,0,9,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049715759123204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066710353208967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976266582030701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842492051681267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105426005225226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076102166118001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590918391423404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790445450647572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478133072797548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751977731089621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610619364613135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586024901238527,0.0,0.0,0.1443324209213227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513712194036023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anariel6,2019/04/03,"Today on: Thinking everything people say is an attack because of your own shame This disorder is exhausting.

I was waiting for water to boil today at work (I work in a science lab) and was sitting down for a few minutes since it was almost boiling and I wanted to turn off the heat as soon as possible. My coworker comes in and says ""We should try and get ahead of things for next week, like do stuff ahead of time so we're not rushed.""

All I could hear was ""you're being lazy and useless for sitting down instead of constantly moving."" It hurt because I felt that I actually did a lot ahead of time this week and wasn't rushed at all.

I know my coworker is nice and probably didn't mean that, so I just said ""I thought we were pretty prepared this week and not rushed."" And he said ""Oh yea, it was fine this week but we're doing [experiment that takes all week] next week too so we should just stay ahead of things.""

That made me feel slightly better but I still have that awful little voice saying he thinks I'm being lazy and don't deserve to be there. And that voice is my own shame, feeling like I don't deserve breaks. I do have a relatively low energy level and bad joints/feet that start to ache pretty fast, so my coworker is more busy than I am, but I'm only part-time and I get my stuff done, so why do I still feel like I'm never doing enough?",4.7238819282225535,4.862656104693143,5.376258228923337,85.53906986621365,69.18050541516246,8.394903376513058,26.763431726481205,8.124751697461798,1.4356219579528555,1059,29,227,13,17,343,142,277,0.125,0.7809999999999999,0.095,-0.8604,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,3,1,0,7,13,14,1,2,6,2,31,4,0,1,4,45,55,23,0,4,7,0,4,3,0,2,1,8,0,0,18,17,3,1,9,0,0,5,7,8,0,0,15,12,25,6,29,34,9,43,0,3,0,0,12,11,0,2,26,150,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.09704687830408312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958278198566824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131364286261949,0.0,0.0,0.08303490539159644,0.12124512534305125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795365255733617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566562495498517,0.0,0.10746793170808902,0.0,0.079401116084166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139759954085187,0.0,0.0,0.10176980628339947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275634255586577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937742771498075,0.09727920236780647,0.0,0.0,0.1508516530957901,0.14209130678284976,0.09548565176801996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391492501181654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208509576887772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646111434033816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546540064098399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575577219214106,0.0996729971240721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454711226689511,0.0,0.09410007873588368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832799922352432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569745931658822,0.0,0.0,0.07670040928835847,0.0,0.21152809978860235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563466647733902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769246606461254,0.0,0.06894470437262154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211264976495908,0.0,0.20234868604964024,0.10722173739406254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891955956456741,0.23725506441203814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226439279634436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038978874002927,0.10599830964560662,0.15883856299854673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276882778902438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747725009370684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213763166948805,0.12744449401782362,0.0,0.07895058390429144,0.11597782821897278,0.0,0.18853010478671955,0.0,0.0,0.06751864726028035,0.1081708398703433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586569924124421,0.0,0.4786270028316153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973632952282694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479862080778033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weehare,2019/04/03,"How to help my boyfriend understand some of my reactions are involuntary? Hi Everyone,  


I'm thirty and have only now come to a conclusion that my behavior is aligned with symptoms of BPD. My boyfriend and I have a tumultuous relationship and although I am overly attached and am afraid of losing him, he has an avoidant personality as well. I guess I seek out more affection than the next girl and act out. How to communicate with an introverted lone wolf type in the first place? How do I stay away and give him space but also try and have him meet me somewhere down a healthy middle? How to train yourself to cope with the feeling of loss, lack of love? And how to explain that when I'm in my crazy zone I simply cannot make myself calm down, stop crying, shaking and yelling?  


Thank you to anyone reading this - if there's any chance of someone addressing even a single aspect of this post I will greatly appreciate it.",8.047307936507933,7.339339508571433,7.704190476190476,74.46003174603176,62.485714285714295,10.977777777777774,37.15873015873015,10.25414643259724,3.6430253968253954,734,31,138,14,9,233,119,175,0.12300000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.142,0.6959,0,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,1,0,4,11,11,0,3,9,0,11,2,0,7,0,33,22,20,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,5,15,0,2,4,1,0,3,1,6,1,1,0,2,18,5,27,21,4,21,0,3,0,1,14,11,0,3,5,98,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508190135170362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282507782064007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186971190578534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719081139785536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375282651887541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245752708654065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071622849554216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456493813190192,0.0,0.0,0.1802101984875743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535908376993484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041844918000694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091710129612165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079261847718948,0.2077581867399175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641096824200612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098908883860404,0.0,0.0,0.17021396719165124,0.0,0.1258883432958115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057247010705176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343467271009186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467350848747872,0.19704119060099293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062147052654745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864561140402167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247999403668465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597955714134511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010167236791583,0.0,0.1576735094341583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602197503298605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363254621068905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804333677478485,0.0,0.0,0.196333603754906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956917225315185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gothsnake,2019/04/03,"Why do I always do things in excess? TW: Drugs Hi guys,

i' m used to posting in drug forums, so this is my first post here. I've been reading this subreddit for a while, though. I got diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago, but i don't relate to other people with BPD very much usually. I'm not emotional at all, and i just don't really see a lot of myself in the more emotional FP stuff. That being said, i am super wreckless, and i'm a drug addict, so i definitely have a lot of the qualities as far as impulsivity and stuff goes. So, my question is, does anyone deal with doing things in excess (specifically drugs)? How can i calm down a bit with my drug habit? For reference, i did 16mgs of xanax a few nights ago, and i don't remember any of it. I'm losing money because of it and it's very frustrating. I'm not trying to quit drugs, so please don't give me advice about that. I just simply want advice about how to stop taking all my drugs at once, because i keep doing dumb shit. (Also i just got out of rehab so i'm not addicted anymore and lowering the dosage wouldn't be a problem.)

Thanks!",2.848297761582512,3.984019831858412,4.788511192087455,84.40961218115565,74.13274336283186,7.9725143154607,23.028630921395106,8.4952907291091,1.2902100989068193,846,22,180,15,17,291,129,226,0.13,0.7879999999999999,0.081,-0.879,1,0,7,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,4,15,8,3,0,10,0,18,13,1,3,2,33,33,19,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,1,12,11,0,2,3,1,1,0,8,5,0,1,5,2,19,3,28,25,8,19,0,1,1,0,6,9,2,3,8,119,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834551808202449,0.0,0.16444587737973254,0.1491742475220231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672886135213914,0.07001318259760586,0.0,0.0,0.057219688998783824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344660969341962,0.05883429332073774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258480125983126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186166256840776,0.0,0.2119487094362574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674707671414958,0.0,0.08540272247740252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363354476128704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6830489552657588,0.0,0.0,0.18929765563953532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157144697379388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071701720254283,0.0,0.0,0.13459266094380165,0.0,0.0,0.08331416354570881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478959415228795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413377614015266,0.0,0.14306964811083275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185431488392351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896190329159301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960886546492057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833371672446003,0.0,0.0,0.09236304192188567,0.0,0.0,0.16117024028344246,0.0,0.0,0.08051287320584885,0.0,0.0,0.09425869816347324,0.08949575532459804,0.08416512840297784,0.0,0.05390374930613199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531688936539892,0.0,0.08003865113600303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705056560596485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637092162223811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034677917236276,0.0,0.0,0.19264573870888851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326458178526119,0.0,0.0,0.07746697862724347,0.0,0.0,0.1118008880390513,0.0,0.08266943980175268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712713802662973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726719817212626,0.09267092010901676,0.13885251537290147,0.049629342970320615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592539084635055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054184920020501785
bpd,selfaholic,2019/04/03,"Is it splitting when it's intentional? Hi everyone!

This my be a weird question, but is it in line with BPD if splitting/painting someone black is done intentionally?

I was in a toxic relationship with a person who may have been a narcissist and after I ended it, I intentionally painted him black to prevent myself from seeking him out again like the addict I honestly was. I basically did everything I could to 'kill off' any positive image of him in my mind, until I went completely emotionally cold. 

As I started feeling safely distanced from the relationship, I have allowed myself to remember some good things and to see him more holistically as a person (instead of 'worthless scum' like before). I know it's more typical for people with BPD to do this automatically and without control, but then again, I'm not sure a neurotypical person would even come up with the strategy in the first place, so splitting must be part of my 'repertoire' of defense mechanisms. Thoughts??",8.474628571428571,8.917425062857145,8.901285714285716,62.41421428571432,61.228571428571435,11.571428571428573,40.35714285714286,11.20814326018867,4.947342857142857,786,40,122,20,10,262,111,175,0.076,0.765,0.159,0.9356,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,10,0,17,1,0,5,2,34,25,12,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,9,9,0,4,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,7,5,19,6,28,12,4,19,0,1,3,0,12,8,0,4,11,102,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116111125588178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053233300394558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579602514800955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723840274150252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734608273313786,0.1550013576822403,0.0,0.16580863835474824,0.11803358818978962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128572490437442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629358955467646,0.13093723152232528,0.0,0.0,0.09764310217859762,0.0,0.0,0.1412619240087837,0.13286385653811347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474941905679433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574770444656927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399632233000815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355665112940282,0.0,0.08124581622584535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444486563049942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492704104218377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009004429029974,0.0,0.10248962791856296,0.3872493927221655,0.15445528569903302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560814988858286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174372346399841,0.16746734262722385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780472609253485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252594473309097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046378155201239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933199442243072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821448091685392,0.0,0.0,0.11736385037742444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704379478387735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250690403113195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501718199976433,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,confusedabtex,2019/04/03,"I feel worthless now I’m single I ended things with my FP (my ex) a few weeks ago as we were incompatible in many ways and the relationship was just making me sad all the time. 

What a ‘normal’ person would have then done is cut off contact and moved on. Instead I’ve been calling him, texting him, arranging to meet up (and we end up having sex), and after each of those encounters I feel confused on what I want. He’s understandably pulled back after the breakup and it makes me upset and then lash out at him when we do meet. And that just pushes him away more :( for the first time he’s become angry with me as well and it scared me so much.

I know what I should do is just move on, but it’s hard when I’ve become so dependent on him for my emotional support and validation. 

I feel like I have no purpose in life anymore. I hate myself more than ever and I’ve spent most of the last few weeks crying or lying in bed, binging on food. I want him to be there, to cuddle me and hold me and tell me it’ll all be okay but that won’t happen and it’s all my fault. At times I regret the breakup because life was so much better when I had a FP. 

I don’t have many close friends I can confide in, and when I do they tell me I’m the one who did the breaking up so I should be fine with it. I’m not fine at all and I’m seriously losing it. 

I’m in my late 20s now and I had really thought I had ‘cured’ my mental health/BPD but I’m just as worse as I was when I was 18. 

I don’t know where I’m going with this post but I just needed to vent.",1.1250892857142851,2.4005656160714324,3.137619047619048,93.94071428571432,78.85119047619048,5.990476190476191,19.738095238095237,6.5431188927421005,-0.09193333333333298,1181,26,288,10,28,400,164,336,0.146,0.77,0.084,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,3,0,1,3,23,19,2,3,11,1,31,5,0,3,5,63,55,36,0,8,11,1,4,1,1,5,2,0,1,1,16,26,1,1,7,0,1,5,5,11,1,2,13,4,47,8,38,34,13,53,0,4,0,2,23,21,0,4,25,204,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045211614789195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693622339669095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078145065530813,0.09066643200281478,0.0,0.07187757106787966,0.26044730578334396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428287148835624,0.0,0.0,0.14850502450810155,0.0,0.1204005150454414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295199128407383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066409206972087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263422582211956,0.20886864467550806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066574279165941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885833158934836,0.08423578244910865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029520363859623,0.1425786870289347,0.0,0.09109789804320784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701165032283862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042684817930786,0.0,0.1056252720823257,0.1164128954649954,0.0,0.1253340882666532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960182007326404,0.0961133626704687,0.13300896567549328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656833048960407,0.05760545476035628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191246853935426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574132787234613,0.2390868930252901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882675321741053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506418834481514,0.17335659315314572,0.08742965827130253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552793780302335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989967841823915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295550887105932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292633272894476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553693186504779,0.0,0.0,0.1265924981724733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804967762482935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380422865161687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061191660432416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833495972883056,0.0,0.0,0.09360831933449,0.2062649009563332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274971407809808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909415752012394,0.09359241958919162,0.1891624993235647,0.0,0.10601632635704132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016158282537445,0.08376073106522024,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lazybonezzz,2019/04/03,"First time poster - I have checked into a mental health clinic as an inpatient. It’s my first time and absolutely anxiety inducing. Today is my first day as an inpatient at a clinic, my anxiety is through the roof and I’m absolutely petrified to interact with other patients/nurses/doctors.

I’m glad I’ve taken the steps to gain support but part of me is so scared that I won’t voice how I’m feeling and bury it to not be a burden. 

What are your experiences in clinics, have you ever been? What advice do you have to a first timer? ",2.6211320754717,4.8164065849056605,4.685509433962263,80.34958490566041,77.49056603773585,8.013584905660379,26.63773584905661,8.841846274778883,2.334961509433962,422,17,80,10,10,145,71,106,0.1,0.792,0.10800000000000001,-0.2388,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,5,3,4,0,1,8,0,11,4,0,2,1,11,17,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,4,2,2,9,2,12,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,9,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907888275298371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29872013810237097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259153371676182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983909357590812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766081266402963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909847453993768,0.0,0.0,0.0987205344969984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6642930875652092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20753377392761335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967586382908699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142873000763507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547192186291545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155901019093804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276950823530136,0.0,0.18506717359108088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rye-Bread-Raccoon,2019/04/03,"Discrimination and Stigma *Fair bit of Warning Please Please don't answer my question if It will bring back bad memories and so on so forth, I care more for people's Health then the State of my Work*

Anyways, I know this is a touchy subject to work with so I will be as careful as possible and If I do upset any of you please remember that I didn't do it on purpose or want to.
Hi, My Name is Ryan. I am a Health and Social Care Student in college. Recently within my Methodology work I have been studying the stigma of Mental illnesses, more or less the cause of them. One Disorder that caught my interest was BPD, I know Many ,especially around me, 
don't know anything about it which worries me. 

The Question I wanted to ask, As a Part of my work is
""Do You have any experience with Discrimination or Stigma Because of your BPD?""

Or Have U experience any stigma towards any other Mental Illness?

Of course I can Take this Post down if it violates any rules

Thank u",3.0478142414860656,5.133210221052631,4.543560371517028,82.39404024767803,75.73684210526315,7.4179566563467505,26.439628482972136,8.313332769828598,1.851969040247678,762,29,148,14,17,254,107,190,0.11800000000000001,0.772,0.11,-0.5546,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,1,4,7,8,1,1,7,0,19,4,0,1,0,25,32,18,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,4,0,22,5,25,25,5,14,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,9,3,105,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650413753743286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883478825006529,0.09557289137604644,0.10036682364304912,0.0,0.0,0.08255297961530028,0.0896408620789492,0.0654454744505635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720898255443778,0.0,0.2704315586303512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283810968944844,0.1102879817952729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304351328567872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003676758534026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22823667382120102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700624433332435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884588138192924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163866454081852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727497087734209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162600890783558,0.0,0.07442969563936623,0.0,0.0,0.3535461214160589,0.0,0.12103192660352367,0.10282091219288056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405348607841564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600474822763398,0.0,0.1216176075025066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943969035743566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072113061594688,0.0,0.0,0.09884238421772522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664706106455886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126365505166441,0.10902898306087523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,insecticidalgoth,2019/04/03,"have you experienced this is it possible to feel two to three different “parts of yourself”/ moods fighting to enact their will/control/what they want to and being disgusted by each other’s desires with BPD?    (ie: age regressed mood wanting to be in pjs, watch cartoons & do kids stuff while a narcissistic / ego high mood wants to go do nsfw things and dress fancily/formally etc) 

because in questioning stuff i keep coming back to that, and i feel like that’s weird & i haven’t heard of that happening with BPD but i want to know if it does or not?  when you get severe mood changes can they change your personality a lot and can you have a lot of different moods “fighting for dominance”?

another weird thing is doing things that usually give me panic attacks or high level anxiety, not making me anxious in the slightest. like, is that possible just with severe mood changes? 

does anyone else with BPD experience these things? ",8.617719298245614,8.293250538011698,7.967368421052632,71.78157894736844,61.16374269005848,11.576608187134507,37.12865497076024,10.980518767755715,4.0908058479532174,746,31,130,17,9,234,109,171,0.16399999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.065,-0.9584,2,0,0,0,4,0,22.0,0,4,3,0,3,15,4,1,4,0,13,0,0,1,0,30,28,10,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,16,10,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,7,0,2,1,5,13,2,20,25,5,13,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,6,7,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204789016978119,0.0,0.0,0.10668732878944256,0.07783378927492461,0.114941623506431,0.0,0.07114168615702803,0.1042486280063737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574835106933976,0.0,0.07823476300299499,0.0,0.0620221245449685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844285632675364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228946010242177,0.0876433431059199,0.0,0.0,0.114114412232871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126013978366475,0.0,0.0,0.17807350904954394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499395577018125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134713203388452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952503719749876,0.0,0.0,0.10288952499766284,0.07268584779064942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053156977675831336,0.09760200014726256,0.057823391365881625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997177656125648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499598947836115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043463488186672,0.0,0.0,0.055915775299693216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941384041044672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299801578324922,0.0,0.0,0.06791482957039746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937452056184368,0.0,0.11017870654866696,0.0,0.0,0.08883883106958497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294018735059105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397643013674535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229883247012862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329447998636167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703764501968691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938898623438154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205650891968627,0.0,0.24004470471166914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Religion-Of-Piss,2019/04/03,"DAE throw their clothes in the trash whenever you feel you look ugly in them? I have been throwing away shirts, pants, even shoes whenever I feel I look ugly in them. When I buy them in the first place, its either because they look good on me at the moment OR I'm on a spending spree and just want to buy new shit. Eventually I end up throwing it in my trash bin in my kitchen and go out to buy something else to replace it.",2.5717370129870107,3.961920102272732,3.3924025974025973,93.1318181818182,75.25,6.392207792207793,25.07142857142857,6.868970318607317,0.7209201298701293,331,11,75,3,7,105,58,88,0.113,0.841,0.046,-0.7906,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,5,1,3,2,1,0,4,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,10,4,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,5,15,1,15,9,1,22,0,0,3,0,7,13,1,1,5,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23263506701438336,0.0,0.0,0.15093901969414306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068440005562377,0.0,0.2193064401299299,0.0,0.0,0.163542186535234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25039522837827577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061451426812566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407208487646846,0.207681128761004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6237829305816193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23914052723637325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586967699873104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541651800196065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062008012709047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604511163463796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CHOCALAT-FISH,2019/04/03,"Hey all, bipolar comrade sending a care package to a friend with BPD. What should I put in it? Hey! So, a good friend of mine lives across the ditch from me - I'm in Australia, she's in New Zealand. She didn't have any supplies for her vape, but we have the same one, and she's been in a really rough path lately. I'm no expert on BPD, but it was once described to me as bipolar but faster - and as someone with bipolar type one, that sounds fucking exhausting. So I'll be sending her some vape stuff, but I was hoping to get your input on what else I could send her to hopefully make her feel a little better. Handwritten note is a given, possibly a couple of snacks that she can't get in NZ that we have here. But say a delivery man were to come to your door right now with a package. What would you want to see in it? Anything aside from illegal stuff that I shouldn't include? ",3.910782688766116,4.457597790055253,4.569848066298345,89.16409069981586,71.09944751381217,7.580294659300183,27.23802946593002,7.492282038375204,1.2617952117863722,684,22,150,7,12,219,108,181,0.063,0.82,0.11699999999999999,0.7875,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,3,0,1,4,9,1,0,11,0,15,6,0,1,1,25,29,11,0,7,5,0,2,0,3,3,4,2,1,1,12,8,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,6,5,20,7,26,18,3,20,0,0,1,1,23,11,1,3,4,101,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652328525517804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289046574468094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853888027149527,0.0,0.0,0.3945752455107745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597089883351316,0.0,0.0,0.13493492781649805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250674803691237,0.17332359633855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308559541462012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920390834392789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420455173484941,0.1448148453123798,0.16368003983971752,0.0,0.0,0.1313855475097158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111656547810362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670124448778776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699843057536722,0.13831951367521647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045610801801142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128774236810974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668207378323131,0.2122920442088392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659256336833318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747047605522152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035015156728212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377311220455662,0.0,0.12456958866663027,0.0,0.0,0.12482497985469708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272394502585322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35863978530392915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239268424487404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127539668672362,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stevendoesstuffs,2019/04/03,"How the fuck does anybody trust anybody else. I was remembering this story my fp told me about how his girlfriend left him, and gosh how does he survive after that? 

I mean how does anybody live with fact that everybody who they care about can leave them at any second? How does anybody live with all this chaos in the world? In today's society, we are essentially pitted against each other in the grand colosseum of capitalism, where we're tossed around by our circumstances, constantly being broken down by each other. I mean like at the end of the day, we're all just looking out for ourselves, and that idea makes me feel so fucking lonely, that we're going to have to screw over and be screwed over by people who we do and are supposed to be able to trust. 

How does anybody live in this cruel world. There is no good, and at the end of the day, we're all going to die. 

Think of the person who you care about the most. Think about how much that person means to you.

Now think about how one day, you're going to talk to them for the last time, you're going to see them for the last time, and that'll be it. And when that happens, you'll either feel nothing, because they no longer mean what they used to mean to you, or you'll feel extremely guilty that you hurt them like a fucking psychopath, or they'll have just died for whatever reason the universe has decided.

Nothing that is good lasts forever. The only thing that is certain is that one day, we all die. And you know what, I'm ready. Take me. 

I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning, and feel completely fine, and then slowly crash throughout the day. Every day feels like a spiral downwards, a free fall, but with random jerks left and right. I'll start out like a normal person, and slowly go insane. And repeat that for the rest of my life.

What does it feel like to enjoy life?",6.000956316410861,5.942147426997246,5.714513970877607,84.88008264462812,66.46556473829203,8.45698543880362,27.754033844942928,7.793537801064563,1.4617554506099957,1448,38,295,14,21,448,172,363,0.10400000000000001,0.799,0.09699999999999999,-0.3363,0,2,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,7,8,1,21,25,7,0,19,0,20,8,1,11,6,68,56,27,3,1,6,0,6,5,1,4,2,0,0,3,26,24,0,0,19,0,1,7,2,9,0,3,2,8,29,17,50,46,10,50,0,2,2,5,31,21,5,4,27,187,55,0,0.07278808641798608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949839477406879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479682888247504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437094188581175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842461034959895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631692375796209,0.07865806297640635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281653764788716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662762583519586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821840696078287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608051062389785,0.0,0.12893727983536074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132710213157853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208230611813392,0.10399964696151323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187423900548854,0.0,0.0,0.24820288148070746,0.1221023869600747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436626443307816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792115194946486,0.08216888976957692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000242872241416,0.17799601598141976,0.0,0.07707207374664937,0.15816893773641674,0.0,0.10282475607295072,0.1778029117778399,0.0,0.19281964153993075,0.0,0.06112366044310182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048586612892759715,0.0,0.0,0.39643782333957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350761862178384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713168703155628,0.1396842640472084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864618225462017,0.055358619677671035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046209424744325,0.19066724847843586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483827567636367,0.0,0.0,0.0824547127221372,0.06216062809361275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800268096981773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151978220487532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054727582397202094,0.05850430669906751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835717031218091,0.13991900016759615,0.0,0.0,0.08488663707322608,0.0,0.06899459503669818,0.06955213583730181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286553637733723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lyssaNwonderland,2019/04/03,"People mocking my mental illness can't handle it, need help with coping mechanisms. What's the best way to cope with people using your mental illness as an insult and a way to make fun of you?

When people make fun of me for this it feels like an attack on my character, and unlike other aspects of my life it's hard for me to cope with.

How do you guys cope with that? My insurance hasn't paid through this month so I can't get access to my medications and someone made fun of it recently and caused a ton of people to attack me for it and I can't hold it together like I normally would. I keep getting messages telling me to kill myself and calling me crazy and psycho and racial slurs and I feel like I'm really on the edge. 

I posted with an alt acct to srd when a mod brigaded my post and a user called me out for it. I tried to defend myself because they used the fact that I'm black and a woman which led to a bunch of racially charged comments which I can deal with but I can't handle making fun of my bpd. It makes me feel so insecure and low and I don't know how to make the feeling stop.

It shouldn't effect me but it does and I feel really helpless right now. ",3.0125686009896526,3.9913076680161934,4.475836707152499,87.41382703553758,73.53441295546557,7.108322087269458,23.84367971210077,7.3871296695380915,0.9074527215474584,922,25,197,10,18,308,125,247,0.13699999999999998,0.774,0.08900000000000001,-0.9036,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,3,1,2,7,16,5,1,13,0,10,4,0,13,1,50,31,23,1,4,2,0,6,3,0,2,4,0,0,2,18,21,0,3,7,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,2,7,32,8,32,27,3,16,0,2,1,0,14,5,0,0,9,131,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26338754090005795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056625305837094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148303241085892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579573271864887,0.0,0.23640791103058195,0.0,0.0,0.11891746064949225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934353027560107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130240131867292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29265880164974384,0.1653980081007496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095969836606292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462065093291895,0.0,0.0,0.10369826871419563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759152252415694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289285278656086,0.12807134590573238,0.0,0.06361869701661578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817647479332561,0.16966354195481667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953495986087597,0.3863536669407424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166160734928196,0.2333178100780733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239856883592018,0.0,0.0,0.0858346115306707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342027246052812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210137771413053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173226095186094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831770662389265,0.0,0.11429908563762745,0.0,0.0,0.09885845163281937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808311613317132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678058659674113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117938749941703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859347640157956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995903445412044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837698816739094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223261939556305,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,honeybeee831,2019/04/03,"DAE feel like they’re actually just surrounding themselves by shit people? My thing is I don’t usually have people complain or say anything bad about me until I have an outburst or breakdown. And I don’t just have these breakdowns/outbursts at random it’s only around people who truly make me feel like I’m worthless or who overwhelm me too much with how they are. There are plenty of people in my life that I could never see myself showing any sign of instability with, but I’m just not that close with any of them. Instead I cling on to toxic people with my life for some reason. Every “best friend” or significant other I’ve had has been so toxic to me to the point where others were telling me how obvious it was or I would feel like I’d have to cover for them so they don’t look bad. But all the people that I feel so good and happy around I also have trouble keeping in my life. It’s like I’m afraid to get close to them because I don’t want them to deal with me on one of my bad days. I don’t know where I’m going with this but I’m just sick of always getting hurt by people who I put so much of my heart and trust in. ",5.356661279896571,4.5954674327731135,6.126470588235296,83.74680995475114,67.94957983193278,8.33148028442146,27.551389786683906,7.010146845296331,1.234785649644473,891,22,192,6,13,294,123,238,0.121,0.723,0.156,0.8752,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,6,1,19,19,1,2,3,0,20,6,2,4,3,45,38,19,0,3,13,0,4,4,1,1,4,1,0,0,14,13,0,1,6,1,0,2,7,10,0,1,4,7,30,9,33,32,5,20,0,3,2,0,14,14,1,7,8,135,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.10904467910418048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936053370370213,0.09297881225072148,0.0,0.0,0.1519776283000888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195465605793073,0.19894924713971215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799012633204399,0.06811726465096868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726698684834093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921739035007557,0.0,0.0,0.0720647463582072,0.11520173572826065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941479776770192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260017068263045,0.2394868524737123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633207185445872,0.0,0.1167618150121554,0.0,0.0635059066677171,0.09372440896655802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189520979819589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241554399587355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962278697868438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932197587645483,0.0,0.0,0.06141082222186293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367813536655673,0.2183672012814634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938356586063384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458906726450558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428736752458373,0.0,0.08618279808858577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571969196347299,0.08498529864433718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5422778462262143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563289532471123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233219770132452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489002517431585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886221730075597,0.0,0.0,0.08904440163237021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470219475082785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766797607660603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423683221338341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306871023761347,0.0,0.06590869306263902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937875196060838,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rachaelchristina,2019/04/03,"another friend left me A month ago, my best friend cut me off without any warning. I thought things were fine. He told me he wanted space to finish his schoolwork. After reading the text he sent me, I decided that since I loved him a lot that I would take a moment to think through my response. I ended up saying, “okay, that’s okay, let me know if you need anything.” He sounded like he was upset, and to be honest I got scared and had the feeling he’d cut me off. I sent him a heart pastry to let him know that things were good. He went from calling me every chance he got to not even telling me that he left to another state for a week. I asked him if everything was okay, and if I did something wrong and he told me I didn’t. I stayed up all night worrying until I downed 2 melatonin to finally put myself to sleep at 7. We had a lot of plans. We were so close. I impulsively sent multiple paragraphs about how I didn’t appreciate him ignoring and avoiding me. He never responded... sometimes I would see him and he’d pick up his phone to pretend he was talking to someone. We work together and tonight I found out he called out just to avoid me. My friend told me that one of his friends said I was too negative and that I relied on him too much. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m so afraid to let anyone get close to me. Everyone that does ends up leaving forever. My self esteem is the lowest it’s ever been. I expect this to happen with everyone now. No one wants to keep me in their life for more than a year. What’s wrong with me?
self diagnosed, seeking help before the end of May.",3.0737689969604887,4.326525641337391,4.104102127659576,89.0776,73.74164133738601,7.330869300911852,25.92595744680851,7.839951260653429,1.287418869300912,1252,42,271,17,25,406,180,329,0.10300000000000001,0.758,0.139,0.9088,1,3,1,0,0,0,35.0,3,1,1,4,10,23,2,5,12,3,25,5,2,2,3,48,53,15,0,9,6,0,1,1,4,3,2,3,0,2,15,17,0,4,7,2,0,5,8,10,0,3,25,5,56,13,41,19,6,43,0,0,1,1,52,17,0,6,20,180,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169523789571145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267269562575327,0.19327785884266216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444117090054889,0.0,0.07584071728123097,0.0,0.08615817018898451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842229220644255,0.0,0.09671736894305767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188213536478684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354155754937238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065078331284724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448820895349782,0.0,0.0,0.060871525010300936,0.08336497436213648,0.07764968587457016,0.17612772532720053,0.08282843729638834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046599411838622026,0.0,0.0,0.10095795977190598,0.0,0.07839216867778961,0.0,0.10104986873003932,0.2848136912041543,0.0,0.048150361173671836,0.0,0.0,0.0773003424460109,0.14741927158972118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299547966328767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092113250851024,0.06177363012673415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191700361006132,0.0,0.0,0.10129864012980687,0.0,0.0,0.09758527809269224,0.20026656899581569,0.2827228492169383,0.06509609725291947,0.04502524908974633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670411122864422,0.08317897408689494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356209582989795,0.0,0.06774899894933079,0.06833627401906912,0.07108030745310076,0.0,0.0,0.0864869316421723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490146768002347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264734177330153,0.0,0.0,0.09218602140277952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766629299661498,0.07329019092893127,0.0922693200172442,0.0,0.07344044966491435,0.0,0.1922882147728453,0.0,0.0,0.07623659882209148,0.0,0.09222763893603918,0.0,0.07808778511597933,0.07095010297188305,0.09114966596370228,0.0,0.0,0.09823145024940902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692936635535108,0.07407558615349777,0.08055284722493472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245545457105353,0.05905309959908324,0.0,0.07316560406374027,0.05373986764891175,0.0,0.0,0.2641915879908008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087179871303087,0.0,0.07392606035239463,0.0,0.0,0.08543424569238887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888399936024666,0.0,0.06709436482344913,0.09359405167089152,0.0,0.13093717585738818,0.20152734943687767,0.0,0.05934871474088006
bpd,CoconutSharkFren,2019/04/03,"Sad How do you know if its a joke or not. 

Especially if your friend and you make fun of eachother sometimes. 

I had rly bad acne cuz of pcos. I still have some acne but its not that bad. But i have lots of scars mainly on my cheeks. I was pretty confident going out without makeup. I like natural vibe. But. I wanted to get a job anf i realized I prob wont get hired cuz of acne. So i bought a bunch. I never was gonna use it for when i go out but i think i want to now. ... 


* we were joking. Laughing. than silence so i just was looking at his face*

"" Hey you have some scaring on side of your face like me. Did you touch it? (Aka did u mess with your acne when ur had it)"" 

"" hmmm no"" (his body language changed) 

"" weird. It looks just like the scars on my cheeks (obviously not as bad as mine but i wanted to make sure he didnt feel bad about his scars)"" 

"" ew"" 

*back and forth talking about what happend* 

"" I was just joking"" 

*after a while I leave* 

:(  i just dunno if he was joking or not.

 Its so hard to tell. To me he was for sure not jokinh and he just felt bad i wanted to cry. But. I do this so often ( you did *this*. Why did you do *this*) and he acted just. Fed up already so he left me alone (didnt leave but just looked away) while i just stared off trying to not cry and ignore him. 


I dunno. It sucks cuz everyday i look in mirror thinking how disgusting my face looks. 

Than i just go on with day and don't feel to ugly. Look in mirror it starts again. 

I was so comfy not weaing makeup with him. But honestly. I am gonna wear makeup next time. 

I just feel sad i dun get whats going on. I feel crazy. I dunno if i should be upset or not so i just feel defeated and ugly. 

Even if i think he wasnt joking after I think about it. I am gonna wear makeup from now on. Until my acne goes away and my scars fade more. 


What u want to have a reply on is : how do u know if someone is joking or not. It sucks. I wanna trust his word but If i think Its gross. Why wont he",-2.197173203153344,-0.4645886814988279,0.6280924893624054,101.27121944783457,104.43325526932085,3.2487251377115154,11.400501368868953,5.1630347490468536,-1.5428642741696077,1471,23,363,9,71,502,179,427,0.198,0.682,0.121,-0.9912,1,1,0,0,0,0,75.0,1,9,0,1,33,33,3,2,6,0,34,9,8,9,4,98,76,48,0,14,41,0,8,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,19,14,1,1,14,6,1,5,18,17,0,0,20,15,62,16,48,49,6,42,0,3,7,0,29,18,2,18,22,249,81,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362821858822573,0.09975980058585818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698695142831106,0.06951282310800311,0.3774054805762587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041518099867436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563231834534744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860260498577267,0.05830119501987813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059709037309109626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285474217693738,0.0,0.08679917951058201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698436227422274,0.0,0.14169244377955145,0.0,0.2055079875613601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809815793100302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970908757039762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936409974695333,0.0,0.0,0.19144330652042565,0.09822099937462547,0.0,0.0,0.13249615204958345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554846558427219,0.0,0.0,0.07685573527407609,0.0,0.0,0.12068679837776178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972285857701059,0.0,0.09614253641840084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091970362033155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050721614849473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659651165445139,0.0,0.08940894457332198,0.0,0.06398632459881295,0.0,0.07219439092487456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040382920453942,0.0,0.0,0.0726609352498543,0.0790144974927885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896266954527213,0.0,0.0,0.052713576042205036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613763751447687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807747712757472,0.0,0.0,0.26660439132403824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314576338224876,0.0,0.0,0.08714338094294631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MOTTOMAD,2019/03/05,"Do I have BPD Hello. Forgive me for this long post and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read.

I’m 25 male and for some years now I have felt like there isn’t something quite ‘right’ with my mental health and outlook on life and myself as a person. 

I have for a long time put this down to anxiety and depression which I certainly do suffer from but maybe there is more to it, upon reading about BPD

Insecurity and my ability to ruin relationships and self destruct aspects of my life is two of the biggest things I notice in life. 

Severe Mood swings, can get up one day feelings on top of the world almost can almost come across slightly arrogant to others, then the next feel depressed suicidal like I’m worth nothing etc very introverted 

Obsessing over self image, I am very self conscious over my appearance 90% of the time, I regularly go to the bathroom to check mirrors etc to just check how I look when out in social situations way more than what would be considered usual. This is particularly unusual because amongst friends, colleagues, family I am considered to be good or very good looking yet people have no idea how insecure I am about my appearance 

I abuse drugs and gambling frequently to escape intense boredom and feelings of emptiness. This spiralled into a cocaine and gambling addiction which I am getting help with but have still relapsed frequently 

Feelings of not knowing who I really am, my thoughts and actions can differ very dramatically depending on who I am with at the time, I feel like I have about 3 different versions of myself depending on the situation I am in and no real sense of ‘who I really am’

Intense feelings of feeling to be wanted/loved, becoming very strongly attached to girls that I date/meet and becoming insecure they don’t like me, I’m not good enough etc over time, and then acting irrationally and frequently ruining relationships due to this and abuse of alcohol drugs 

These are the things off the top of my head that are very noticeable aspects of my life day to day. I’m not sure what I’m looking for out of this  but some reassurance affirmation of I’m not alone I guess. Thank you for reading 
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bpd,ofeckit,2019/03/05,"Suggest a book for a 13 year pwBPD old to learn about BPD - without feeling hopeless or judged My 13 year old daughter was diagnosed BPD when she was 6 years old. Therapy was reduced and eventually paused on recommendation of her therapy team when she was about 11 because it was unhealthily just becoming the “me” hour for her to enjoy being in the spotlight. 

She’s a good kid. We enjoy her. Many many times I’ve been able to help her feel understood or navigate a situation, not because I’m some clairvoyant or super in tune mom, but because I refer mentally to “how would a pwBPD be thinking right now?” It’s been so helpful to us as a family. 

She has a friend now who just received a confirmed diagnosis of the same, and is beginning “some meds”
She told me this as if medical intervention was bad. I wanted to nip that judgement in the bud: we began talking about BPD, I gave her some examples of how her friend might be feeling, and why meds are good if needed. 

As I’m describing her friend, she’s saying “but I do that too..” over and over. (Well of course kiddo... I don’t say) 

Finally she says “do you think I might be BPD?”

She literally seems to have no memory of actually being told she was by her therapist. It’s like she completely blocked out the memory. 

I explained to her that not only has she been diagnosed- it’s been helpful and reminded her of some life lessons I’ve given her, and explained that I knew they’d be helpful because of her diagnosis. She remembers the lessons, but not being diagnosed & is pretty judgmental about the phrase. Like it’s an insult instead of just a description

Anyone have a book that could help her understand, and maybe she be able to refer to over the years herself, that NEVER says all the things you hear as stereotypes “it’s untreatable” ect...? Where she might recognize herself in a hopeful way? ",4.807430119176598,6.263851585915496,5.756408450704224,78.11099404117009,69.76056338028171,9.517876489707477,31.40032502708559,9.851270322608157,3.1572188515709643,1463,63,273,36,26,482,174,355,0.047,0.7859999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.9934,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,3,2,1,4,18,15,1,0,21,0,35,5,0,2,2,60,58,24,0,7,15,2,3,2,4,4,5,5,0,1,15,10,0,1,17,3,0,1,7,3,1,0,18,8,46,12,39,26,6,30,0,1,0,0,63,11,0,14,19,195,61,4,0.1599572855331074,0.0,0.07804761828223676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665682602283692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592292661844321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677882599993219,0.19501695318226994,0.08833012733282297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40292120311742496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385608528337576,0.0,0.0,0.06385643832770069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352991661254295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539674648338167,0.0,0.12131881461630965,0.0,0.0,0.08761269382558581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185373903017514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416458198316125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014174306860996,0.0,0.2680399918449326,0.0,0.0,0.07943683835949919,0.0787628526543164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056491280635483476,0.0781470499568953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217158124185493,0.08034929651923385,0.0,0.17767648443852516,0.0805700684073361,0.08059966073114998,0.2545341031655998,0.0,0.09367001978311516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930315020569681,0.06168445982849573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517723951830209,0.0,0.0,0.06082736179963533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136703253467778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906002113498766,0.0683013239267571,0.0,0.2544089073425204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280955258692061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989934544337809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428380351861265,0.0,0.0,0.18292509642277266,0.09286136860532154,0.053134256441224915,0.10249416977750853,0.0,0.0,0.04663618976838522,0.0,0.0,0.1528460411457617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326058771831156,0.09620445973761382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047173475678894905,0.06348332392869759,0.0,0.0,0.07191040489599447,0.0,0.07216828521471295,0.0,0.0,0.07709655758243503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681453312199626,0.0,0.0,0.20601449495542198
bpd,mhaeveh,2019/03/05,"I'm going to therapy for the first time, wish me luck! I'm terrified. Does anybody have experience with CBT?",1.3585714285714303,4.0518315238095255,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,90.90476190476193,8.514285714285714,26.04761904761905,8.841846274778883,3.038733333333333,86,4,16,3,3,30,19,21,0.154,0.616,0.231,0.2481,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652823894691753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40831164156366695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550527039423333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23722637553532966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773500516840104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433978500668167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800062689392775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway343534,2019/03/05,"My wife has BPD Hello. Throwaway account for reasons. My wife was diagnosed with BPD about two years ago.  Here’s the basic rundown on how things are going:
- Things will be looking great.  Her business will be looking up, she’ll be happy, we might even get a little personal time, all will be well. This usually lasts a few days.
- Anything can start the shift. I could not show up at exactly 4:15 from work. The car might need to go in for repairs. I didn’t show the proper enthusiasm about an idea she had for her business. 
- At this point, I can only do wrong. She’ll disparage me in front of/to the kids. She essentially becomes verbally abusive.
- Depending on the day, I’ll either: capitulate and try to mitigate, try to compromise and set boundaries, or become snarky back. I avoid insults like the plague because my children often call me what she calls me when she’s not around—so my snarkiness usually is sarcasm and trying to downplay the gravity of the situation.  None of these actually work or make any headway.  Or, at least, I assume that since the next time she gets mad it feels like starting over again from step 1.
- She’ll inevitably ask for a divorce. She tells me that she really wants one, but I know that she consciously doesn’t follow through on it, and when she’s in a better mood she’ll often tell me that she doesn’t really want one.
- It’ll stay like this for a while (usually weeks) until she switches back to the first step.

What I could use advice on:
- I don’t know how to take this out of the view of our children, but I really want to. Today she brought up a sore point with me—that the kids really don’t like spending time with me, and are sometimes upset when she leaves—and to preserve peace I didn’t bring up how she treats me in front of them, even though I think that’s the main reason.  How do I encourage this venting to happen in private?
- How can I help her swing back into happier moods? I feel like it’s mostly random. I used to believe that capitulation and mitigation especially would work, but time has proven that wrong. 
- I really want to stay married. She has a few different main reasons she rotates through for a divorce, but I really want to make this work and I think most days she wants it to as well, even if she doesn’t say it. How can I show her that she is loved and supported?

I’d really like to hear the perspectives you have, since you are going through similar struggles. I myself struggle with some depression and self-worth, which I think is why I haven’t been able to respond consistently on bad days (when I actually take in what’s she calls me). My family (her and my children) are very important to me.

To give a little history to better understand the situation, she’d swing back and forth but not too hard right up until our first was born. In the first few months afterward, we got a little distant. I retreated into video games (maybe 1-2 hours a day) and she spent time with the baby. When she approached me about it, I really tried to turn things around, but there was already damage done. We got pregnant again when our son had just turned 1.  I went out of my way to make sure that I was more supportive during the pregnancy, but especially afterward. Because we only have a queen bed and she cosleeps with our twins, we haven’t shared a bed in over two years (except for the occasional 1/month I fall asleep on the foot of the bed, or we stay the night at another family members house and the children fall asleep elsewhere). The good periods feel like they are less frequent and don’t last nearly as long.

She does have some trauma in the past related to her mother and her ex-husband (not my father in law).  We moved to be close to her family (support system) and they typically are helpful when she goes off on me in public (although if the anger doesn’t go away before we leave, it will flare up afterward).

I also want to finish this up expressing how much I really do love her. She’s my muse, and she’s an incredible mother. She works hard, and she motivates me to better myself. She’s very thoughtful, and she has a way with kids that is really extraordinary to watch. Her business is successful, and I involve myself in it as much as I can. We are debt free except our house (money is rarely a point of conflict). She’s an absolutely wonderful person, but I just don’t know how to help.

TL; DR: My wife has BPD. I’m trying, but I don’t know how to support her or help her heal. ",3.8418596042536,5.423342346681924,4.759946829990579,83.82862397361693,72.32951945080093,8.207538026652308,26.010835913312693,8.79968520945123,1.852432817337462,3497,115,698,67,68,1136,351,874,0.063,0.7879999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.9975,2,1,1,0,2,0,122.0,14,2,3,14,40,42,3,4,45,0,70,9,3,19,3,129,128,63,0,13,25,7,5,7,0,12,4,2,3,9,34,43,0,2,20,5,6,17,18,13,2,7,16,11,127,28,106,92,17,126,0,2,4,2,110,48,0,19,61,479,161,7,0.04877413072178823,0.057789369300441776,0.09519303166304724,0.0,0.0,0.04766151605075574,0.04323532402221587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538234660970855,0.039004654716605976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033168081427025216,0.05114392875659442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013695375876269,0.08683863411719635,0.045597228201198624,0.0,0.04582490135932308,0.15001718351055668,0.040724361855891886,0.05946451476577585,0.10773439078676053,0.0415031928597692,0.05495174306013377,0.0,0.1294102651071914,0.0,0.0,0.1842879306741106,0.0,0.14941152222503454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788434918841991,0.0,0.0,0.15727639666196447,0.0,0.04200908732124235,0.04950471599522903,0.0,0.05095858555972146,0.0,0.0,0.042682570477703664,0.04991286974487992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664456002587636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793972897408965,0.0,0.07398499797476939,0.10453274619953293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446175202703053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050964940448253636,0.046788590535286535,0.11087784995790327,0.04090942677647763,0.07801825587970067,0.05377365130857902,0.0,0.0,0.043130802718236994,0.05192096910461907,0.08738408182222722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549719901193027,0.0,0.1307690868330561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803269396050678,0.1125575966256014,0.0,0.05506005677730303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072199467639214,0.07951485266953462,0.0,0.051644762005853384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668000361591268,0.14665347722138025,0.0,0.043163570856397264,0.08191597145516856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804111449123239,0.0,0.09767133298237697,0.0,0.0490001699987801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348328996770452,0.0,0.0,0.07786209161956281,0.05183918209043668,0.07170919620784512,0.03616539991543965,0.0,0.0,0.0518718413530707,0.045771217632170534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610122652301641,0.07418984852085063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656042668187427,0.0,0.08517537928068544,0.0,0.0,0.13832195617308793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124595707337278,0.15044378910599668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041652841139084525,0.0,0.038787146400227936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050882055585481215,0.0,0.0,0.08069292990204592,0.10964833297451718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048238862435141805,0.0,0.06904516152790965,0.15596020123450755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197862285910203,0.0,0.0,0.2213932221739455,0.045969040987158136,0.0,0.073344152574644,0.0,0.08526148011535269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721009558890996,0.09375748066032294,0.047920335794369176,0.03872121166983005,0.1422029392752196,0.0,0.046232172914841496,0.0,0.0,0.1655721657103411,0.10610449676218757,0.09529047711361137,0.05077559019348725,0.0,0.08425037777627062,0.16115344269829293,0.08048753177133756,0.20137772195704184,0.07742926943608461,0.03912366565480618,0.0,0.08770760211301566,0.045214107826203366,0.044011066645678484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289346420265923,0.17754074031277556,0.0,0.0,0.034647743066583414,0.10665371050592312,0.0,0.06281788212428248
bpd,_PrincessOats,2019/03/05,"Olazapine has done wonders for my anxiety and anger outbursts I’ve been on Seroquel nightly for two years. A temporary psychiatrist suggested swapping it with Olazapine because I was still struggling with debilitating anxiety. She said it was similar so I could straight-up switch without weaning off the Seroquel.

Not only is my anxiety significantly better - I CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE, which is huge for me - but the vivid, same dreams I had every night for two years have calmed down. Most unexpected, though, is that my anger outburst have subsided. I don’t yell at strangers failing to help me anymore (I am AWFUL with customer service people sometimes, I fully admit that) and my mood seems to gave stabilized.

There are lots of posts here asking about meds, and tons of people also on Seroquel, so I wanted to offer up my experience in hopes it helps someone!",8.488326023391814,9.254796151315793,7.997982456140352,67.8019883040936,61.17105263157895,10.702923976608187,39.91520467836257,10.504223727775694,4.542966959064329,693,35,107,15,9,219,108,152,0.14300000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.138,0.1939,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,2,1,4,1,16,0,0,0,0,18,24,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,7,3,16,3,21,16,4,14,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,5,5,81,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572682704335275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608130124224952,0.0,0.15591757528104566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697719708995874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583836618339064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390461569008522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552542986142134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088815007456553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246257620985574,0.0,0.0,0.15378894272533025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107592347930348,0.0,0.0,0.1561525124645552,0.0,0.18140795741152327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664706970894075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366074854154655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746332685433936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950760623117911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957103993260497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798972306304293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057096486473245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495499033422708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312496321183504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320992957644096,0.0,0.15549218825847114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555414761316613,0.0,0.0,0.16435793075828678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446545582963433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071574257479821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273099107505148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515521188592957,0.17049573887652592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248590991133444
bpd,Alliram123,2019/03/05,"Lack of identity Sooo I look around at virtually everyone in my life and they are distinctly “them”. They have a group of friends they’ve had for years, they have a routine, a career, hobbies, interests. They go on holidays and drive nice cars and have money in their savings...

I feel void of an identity TOTALLY. I can’t keep friends close, I spend all of my money on crap I don’t need, I don’t have the energy or desire to start a hobby, I have no idea what I want to do, have no education. 

WHAT DO YOU DO TO CREATE THE MOST NORMAL LIFE YOU CAN? I feel like it’s such a long road of effort lol...",1.2092473118279583,3.1482613225806446,3.380322580645164,89.23215053763441,80.93548387096773,7.359139784946238,21.623655913978496,8.344100000000001,1.1613623655913978,460,14,103,10,12,157,77,124,0.07400000000000001,0.726,0.2,0.9291,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,6,1,3,7,1,0,8,1,15,3,1,0,3,20,23,4,0,5,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,1,3,3,5,1,0,0,1,3,19,6,15,22,4,14,0,0,1,0,11,8,1,2,4,72,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337039145825722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508549676441413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654821988371692,0.18754871981616925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056540738199869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919964966681634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963600461202152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334528680174105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708599390539928,0.12825700647180718,0.0,0.0,0.2323273639446772,0.22045583040919914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946597990308268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572198679468469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858173461167225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548447133649429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905822054292555
bpd,q64a,2019/03/05,"I seem to have lost most memories of my partner? I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, I’m just very lost and confused right now and would like some help understanding what I’m going through.

Yesterday morning I received a message from my boyfriend of 6 months telling me that I should go home for a few days because he doesn’t want his room mates getting annoyed at how long I have been spending at his place. 

As soon as I got the message I went into panic mode and grabbed every single item of mine that was in his house and drove home. He went home for lunch and was surprised that I had taken all of my food and coffee etc. He told me I didn’t have to take everything and asked why I had cleared out. 

I had been home for a while at that point playing games and when I got the message I was really confused. I couldn’t remember him at all and all of my feelings towards him were gone. I spent last night trying to tell him it’s over and he told me we will talk in the morning.

I’m piecing everything together at the moment but for some reason the last few months of my memory are just a blank. Will the memories and feelings ever come back? I am in a massive state of loss and confusion. I think I experienced grief yesterday? ",5.8706722689075646,5.287161941176472,6.0437675070028005,84.17338235294119,66.84313725490196,9.324929971988798,32.331932773109244,8.634040054169528,2.2821932773109244,985,36,211,13,14,314,141,255,0.095,0.868,0.037000000000000005,-0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,3,8,13,1,4,12,0,22,2,0,2,6,45,50,19,1,5,5,0,3,1,2,4,0,0,5,1,8,16,2,0,7,2,2,8,4,9,0,0,22,4,33,4,31,23,12,44,0,4,0,0,25,18,0,8,17,142,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726520360575792,0.0,0.0,0.0882269842292695,0.0,0.06994365156938281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883723747856732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399697471032719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796398948158672,0.0,0.10378773050691636,0.0966723103216949,0.0,0.2062395051207752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603067678467073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874250143141448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994623938340125,0.0,0.1304173040806736,0.0,0.18353405310023266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690693753681978,0.0,0.4603691182990442,0.0,0.0,0.13239306418084562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870547223538309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056055537164008684,0.0,0.0,0.10154014616487814,0.0,0.0,0.2505017078836125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316668447234769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767450505838352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462115226939714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397550584174005,0.0,0.1084651661031081,0.0,0.10988796577366736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350455454316407,0.11797050176288446,0.0,0.0,0.12997658944749296,0.19597245980950848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445381068593627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813987462771543,0.0,0.08626922917876129,0.09222262744835637,0.20057337660847496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351993128629168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927550546165844,0.0,0.07790005123995307,0.0,0.0,0.11944704174285233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467145069741853,0.06767586289008548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272786408990124,0.10353383771102093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150708631055256,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,phuckliphe,2019/03/05,Never posted here but had to get this out I have basically no friends left. I've only ever had one relationship 10 years ago that ended because i was unable to control the feeling that she didn't love me and that she was probably cheating on me. My whole life I've never been able to trust that anyone really likes me and even now i can't go a day without feeling like nobody wants me around. How can i ever find somebody to be with if it feels like they are enough for me but I'm not enough for them? How can i trust that another human being loves me when I've seemingly only ever experienced unrequited love? It feels like people only care about how you can serve them. They don't care about you or how much you care about them. They only care about how much you can entertain them and will easily trade you for someone better. Why do people need to be around others when all i need is that 1 person. I feel like every friend I've ever had has cheated on me by preferring the company of someone else and not wanting me around. I wake up every day and get stoned as fuck to combat intense anger and sadness and i think deeply about getting revenge on everyone who has broken my heart before i kill myself. If i kill them maybe i can trick myself into thinking that that's the reason why ill be alone in a hospital room at the end of my life,5.563676470588233,5.545829779411764,6.267205882352942,80.40867647058825,67.38235294117646,8.858823529411765,27.661764705882355,8.472884824447931,1.809532352941176,1068,29,211,14,16,351,149,272,0.225,0.607,0.168,-0.9725,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,5,8,2,22,26,7,0,6,0,25,9,2,7,7,49,50,20,2,7,8,0,5,5,2,1,3,0,1,2,13,13,0,1,11,1,1,1,9,8,0,1,7,6,40,18,31,38,6,30,0,1,0,4,24,13,1,4,20,153,53,1,0.08451032894697517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491330755002655,0.0,0.0,0.08752721380738544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861644849222626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059091586962745815,0.0,0.0,0.2256963299790375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051516712129561985,0.0,0.07191206545403399,0.0,0.0,0.0747425182945631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34465565071845944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478551997316087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090043416114439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059753570664104,0.0,0.14970213490489526,0.1746435216742703,0.0,0.055818275233582335,0.3057777233607221,0.14240719407685298,0.0807532409194184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136548078342944,0.2414967835427249,0.0,0.0,0.07724090962383705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058494101499607,0.07812843733018032,0.13245947651879555,0.0,0.048029167481860834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014514670353487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699631546579631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182071967477376,0.0,0.11938428920519464,0.2064373897094547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288216141345377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490198438748897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424963131820607,0.12532667617538448,0.13035915116085628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057266386038974236,0.257095653381784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171776424981248,0.07379115952115313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093753431860085,0.0,0.09111642820662044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413948073408095,0.08689069333290073,0.0,0.09073246618134216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693502948734635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321065494077787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083016128234006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969276320009568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525148542676957,0.09435276423146002,0.0,0.08146494134676285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054421881061879285
bpd,fromdoggotowolf,2019/03/05,"At Age twenty-one, I will FINALLY be graduating with my High School Diploma... I am so incredibly emotional. Tomorrow we take our final exam and then Thursday is my final day of High School. 

At fifteen, I was set to graduate high school early but instead I am graduating two years late. I'm okay with this. 

Mental illness happened. I lost friends. Went through a series of unstable and toxic relationships. I was miserable and lost as all hell. 

I'm still going through a lot. I still have no fucking clue what I'm going to do with the rest of my life but I'm so damn glad to finally be done with my high school studies yet also very saddened. 

This school took me - and others in similar difficult situations - in. I met some amazing teachers. I finally made honor roll and I came to realize that I never sucked at math, I just wasn't getting the support and attention I needed from a  public school system. 

Major thanks to the guidance counselor who gave me a final opportunity to redeem myself and finally finish up my studies (I only had one math class left). 

I did find myself crashing down again, but I powered through. Life gave me no choice. I have to. 

I just wanted to share this victory with others. 

I'm not at all embarrassed to be completing my studies at 21. I understand that we all have different paths in life and for some of us it takes a while to get there. 

I did it. I made it. 
",2.671666666666667,5.086530388888889,4.4803703703703714,80.7516666666667,78.44444444444444,7.555555555555558,27.407407407407412,8.515128840125781,2.340407407407408,1095,47,201,24,27,370,148,270,0.151,0.721,0.128,-0.826,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,4,0,0,5,11,18,4,2,8,1,18,5,0,2,4,37,47,17,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,12,16,0,0,4,0,0,5,5,9,0,2,17,0,36,9,35,26,8,44,1,3,0,1,12,15,4,3,22,146,48,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293689992399445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001260404183947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251615850687152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075542346952911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822254529092156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053811297335915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885276645285962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6034891844219545,0.07193098952157499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060803944888593066,0.07275750420732882,0.08223570699264443,0.0,0.08945481247417968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959474539749075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33260632880892377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877778732924839,0.0,0.08550851170648767,0.0,0.1667658388089994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182216317957916,0.06690849799164053,0.0,0.14893695976836713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931176798936662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583555519649354,0.060698810914179085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053329612949517935,0.05985540835649505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449507011168945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778956974387947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846285410535867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570091855809776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930859130179694,0.0,0.0,0.1183462236530271,0.0,0.0,0.07245700611333124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743934369812761,0.0,0.0,0.0768791220609849,0.08193017632915311,0.09466721970087784,0.0,0.0,0.06493629759098131,0.04641969611728861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295631252438559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068065323765119
bpd,goodnightwalnut,2019/03/05,"DAE randomly do weird voices and make exaggerated facial expressions for no real reason? I do this a lot no matter where I go but it is a lot more prominent while I'm at home or college. An example I can give that just happened about 5 minutes ago: The sauce was in the front room and I wanted it so I walked in and pretended to be 'angry' with a jokey voice saying ""YOU STOLE IT"" to my mum and I put on a facial expression, no real reason why but just did on impulse. 

AND

If you do have this habit (would you call this a habit?) does it sometimes get taken out of context by someone else making it harmful when you don't intend for it in the slightest?",3.905414593698176,4.546648529850746,5.450995024875624,82.50038971807629,71.16417910447761,8.045107794361526,26.82918739635157,8.167268648758528,1.6359893864013269,509,16,104,7,9,173,91,134,0.071,0.8740000000000001,0.055,0.2685,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,0,6,2,0,0,9,0,11,2,2,5,0,26,20,12,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,10,7,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,3,3,11,0,15,15,3,16,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,5,3,77,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749033742222531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014755293720311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266727533240048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648271530211342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308631024547714,0.18927769236839825,0.11213579707521802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448054568661822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979179771932149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354917436359887,0.0,0.0,0.2634118603979945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835100681827356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491638614436737,0.0,0.4057350008818288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690879935042282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718008851093608,0.0,0.1951445952900478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637852632252794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804154897727328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401633342314554,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,overalltumbleweed,2019/03/05,Cancelled my therapy session because I was too down to get out of bed. And I feel awful. I told her I caught a cold and couldn't make it. I've let her down and lied to her and to myself and feel like I let the whole world down. ,1.1067647058823518,2.054584333333331,2.802107843137257,97.68198529411768,78.21568627450979,5.8843137254901965,20.59313725490196,5.985473137389443,-0.2318274509803921,175,4,45,1,4,58,34,51,0.155,0.794,0.051,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,10,10,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,10,1,8,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801859715308555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119071507745901,0.22034542084368627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114411502078238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6307896378858167,0.0,0.15068534775861095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058821924498702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527213347585979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29472205126463463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34435571749415084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElenaSalander,2019/03/05,"My bf (and fp) just blocked me everywhere We didn’t fight or anything.

Last night he sent me a message saying he is sorry for being so busy lately and this morning I woke up to a message from him on facebook “👍 lol 👌”

I was confused, when I tried to reply what was that I noticed he had blocked me. 

Went to Instagram and he had blocked me there too. I tried calling him, no answer. 

I sent a message on WhatsApp telling him I wish him the best. Probably blocked me there as well. I can’t tell. 

His birthday was 4 days ago, everything was fine. He said he loved me. 

Less than a week ago I told him I couldn’t believe he wasn’t tired of me already, he said he wouldn’t abandon me. 

​

 

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bpd,whitelightstorm,2019/03/05,"Diagnosed 20 years ago, this is my story I started shoplifting at 8, lying, going delinquent in grade school, developed eating disorders and throughout my teens into my adult life wasn't honest - with people or with myself. I am very regretful now for my behavior then, but I can clearly see how terrible they were for me and those who lived with me. I can't explain why this happened, I came seemingly from a non-criminal family, but they were very dysfunctional and narcissistic. I was the bandaid baby and I took it hard. Not making excuses just trying to understand the origins of this. ",6.989679572763684,8.200866205607479,7.354606141522031,69.55925233644862,64.51401869158877,10.974098798397863,34.91188251001335,10.914260884657429,4.285163951935914,472,21,75,13,7,154,82,107,0.113,0.8540000000000001,0.034,-0.7467,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,8,4,0,3,1,22,18,9,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,9,1,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,6,2,16,1,11,12,0,12,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,2,6,56,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972018349716589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544407401185341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22579733250047385,0.0,0.0,0.25496420902804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227637274128884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097202406008448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264320088024298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196725099954531,0.0,0.1992849790347612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713363665280622,0.0,0.0,0.1964407058533912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484971415067587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422924760632242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514649707513906,0.17727583404007838,0.20252381699168492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574619001608739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471668447197588,0.15103915900587925,0.0,0.0,0.2315939520374497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671139124455669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074009615674807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326019180030408
bpd,BorderlineBatshit,2019/03/05,"Zen for BPD I've been diagnosed with bpd 2 years ago and have been in therapy ever since. In addition to basic dbt (dialectical behavioural therapy) which helped me change the way I deal with a lot of things, what helped me most on the inside when it comes to dealing with feelings and anxiety was zen mentality. My therapist is into it and he gave me a simplified book about zen philosophy and it has since helped me tremendously. Thought I'd share. ",7.0736470588235285,7.43084083529412,7.28235294117647,73.13058823529414,64.17647058823529,11.976470588235294,34.64705882352941,11.602472056035307,4.182811764705882,361,15,67,11,5,117,61,85,0.021,0.9490000000000001,0.03,0.1935,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,15,10,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,1,12,5,2,10,3,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,4,42,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396623623692474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287283292172178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375144585509829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837416233270772,0.14961907153305956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581347619470734,0.0,0.17629230195769582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571130908867782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878231857382676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349263442066717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766553614499792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503927145727802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873573169375144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39726067477998456,0.2016681727906985,0.11539231620241455,0.0,0.0,0.13789093428035035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786751295680133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185105116918788
bpd,tacocatsforpeace,2019/03/05,"DAE constantly worry about losing their job? This may have been asked before, but getting fired is an ever-present, all-consuming fear of mine. I literally wake up dreading work, am anxious all day, and then struggle to relax after I get home. I’m a manager, so I work 45 hours a week, and I spend most of the rest of my time in bed. I haven’t dated in awhile because of the BPD, and I feel like my relationship anxieties and fixations have just been transferred to my job. I also found out recently that my owner does not like me, which doesn’t help. Anyone struggle with this? I was in therapy, but I haven’t gone in a few months because of some financial issues.",5.525591603053435,5.821974488549621,6.28937977099237,79.13651240458017,67.4732824427481,9.603435114503815,30.878816793893126,9.516144504307137,2.6750374045801526,522,19,102,10,8,172,90,131,0.19899999999999998,0.7040000000000001,0.098,-0.9233,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,4,8,0,4,6,0,11,1,1,0,1,16,18,9,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,0,2,1,1,1,4,5,0,0,5,2,16,3,16,12,5,17,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,12,69,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077617447133913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251012388624194,0.1847441789930281,0.0,0.1143451084151814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287998609331865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937471089961512,0.0,0.13915336079711624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596234603198885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671958154734846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546436387927777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310761944268566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792370930345894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401853283110367,0.08268649877566915,0.11682701935860874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930397653866614,0.0,0.0,0.1708770399945278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961179530616763,0.0,0.16403554470010165,0.0,0.161045701118163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068452056758182,0.324559791667275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159786574844615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295004887025984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052937594661235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146774249330112,0.1755717559053395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419175037509291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701265515869145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953566005499129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117519851939569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381059286345052,0.16607429436439716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Riot401,2019/03/05,DAE get super upset or sad when you ask someone how their day was and they dont ask how your day was back? I know they dont mean harm by it but i die inside and feel absolutely worthless everytime it happens. Just wondering if this happens to anyone else,3.457115384615385,4.877285096153846,4.6838461538461535,84.63615384615386,73.03846153846153,7.507692307692308,26.461538461538463,8.07648339933343,1.5826384615384623,203,7,41,3,4,67,41,52,0.225,0.7020000000000001,0.073,-0.8783,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,3,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,12,13,8,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,7,1,2,11,0,4,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045616360722625,0.2204733887883305,0.0,0.0,0.4023212976703587,0.0,0.0,0.16545717339577493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775416247617274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331886647202032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043696785442238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797520582624037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879952418016214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124206546413218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805591086062814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118255181893583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343899028423177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231804929906448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333493503420361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maikakun,2019/03/05,Incessant mirror checking I look in the mirror constantly. Any reflective surface I can find. If I lose my hand mirror I start to panic. It’s obsessive. I’ve been this way since middle school. At social gatherings I will go hide in the bathroom about once an hour to go check on how I look. I am acutely aware of how I appear in certain lighting and even leave the office lights dim when I am working with clients. Is anyone else crippled with this kind of obsessive dysmorphia? ,4.029148351648352,6.2805678901098885,4.666030219780222,81.8695947802198,73.39560439560441,7.626923076923077,28.957417582417587,8.472884824447931,2.3882186813186825,382,16,67,7,8,122,67,91,0.141,0.8,0.059000000000000004,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,3,4,0,6,1,1,2,1,10,12,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,5,10,2,12,10,0,15,0,1,2,0,2,7,0,2,4,41,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983834390365386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406642766108913,0.2257637479952405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381086082659893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840652906285216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553209188413158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013862146322131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504479110412642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698991942323112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294495724543623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333076040976619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700591946840949,0.24650342162009214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346542638607211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585208044707216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299523042001607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226702391360772,0.0,0.0,0.2246082645244169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595735738686248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489515526393334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160409703301195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whereisyeserotonin,2019/03/05,"DAE feel their friends have more fun and talk more when you aren’t around? (Potential trigger warning?) To be honest i don’t know if this actually belongs here so if not do remove. Is it just me though? Like I can see their snap chats and what not and they’re all having a laugh and like lil snippets of convos etc especially no nights out (Ik damn social media.) If I’m there however it’s like a completely different vibe, I mean we do have the occasional laugh but a lot of the time it’s total silence I try my best to make good conversation or whatever but I guess that’s not my forte. I just feel like a fun or a vibe sponge and everyone has a better time when I’m not there...",0.5883354192740953,2.9420082340425537,2.541159783062163,91.61647058823532,87.22695035460993,6.154526491447643,19.641635377555282,7.510576382923642,0.6192942010846889,535,16,118,10,17,178,92,141,0.024,0.716,0.26,0.9872,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,2,2,10,14,1,0,8,0,11,0,0,2,2,31,20,16,0,3,13,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,3,13,13,6,19,7,8,0,0,1,0,9,2,1,7,9,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1972090442399251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990144591645255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207921915348726,0.1787306924380785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118857538052505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111392772870834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253818913040567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931040456686956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043638486808963,0.14437193290053932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613293117589294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950209094189694,0.0,0.0,0.22262306305065555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110624530775225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949205721163317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180825900608612,0.0,0.0,0.13489551977063596,0.0,0.0,0.2201334196897681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964619416448172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610382229109842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600358796810495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243093294876412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985507438215631,0.0,0.23567864372123276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720470073082508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GreilSeitanEater,2019/03/05,"Will it ever work with my pwBPD ? Hello, first of all : I don't have BPD but my ex / my girlfriend has. 

Over the couple of years the relationship went from magnificient down to hell. She was... the purest being I ever saw. She had the brightest smile and just holding her hand made me the happiest. Then I met her emotion called jealousy, then most of the time she locked me in my place to be sure that I'd never betray her feelings, that I'd never cheat on her. Over all those abuses she cheated on me 3 times because she felt neglected, because I was starting to have a job taking much of my time. I hit her 4 times when I was drunk because she started to hit me from time to time or to break things in my flat because she was afraid I cheated on her or because I took too much time with my friends, because I came home late. 
Those were the most horrible times I had in my life I think, I just couldn't control myself at those moments because it was too much. Because I loved her and I sensed her feeling of abandonment and at the same time I was the one causing it, violence was our only way to escape those burning emotions. 

Then I felt like I had to break up with her 6 months ago, now it's been 3 months that we don't live together. I learnt that plus the 3 times she cheated on me she sent to numerous men naked pictures of her. But the thing is that I know that she felt alone and that she might have developped a sense of fear about me (because of those 4 times where I was violent). But I still love her and I want to go back to when everything was pure and we were just holding hands, smiling. We still talk a lot, she says she doesn't love me anymore but she keeps texting me.

I don't know what to think or what to do. 

Did you ever experience those kind of relationships ? Did you ever made this work ? I'm terrified that we lost our innocence and I'm terrified I lost the one and that she lost the one. 
",3.469078516902943,4.413684173027995,4.206065976008727,89.90630725190842,72.40966921119593,7.344565612504545,26.503907669938197,7.5804360353943165,1.1801174845510718,1492,49,330,17,28,477,174,393,0.17,0.6859999999999999,0.145,-0.9367,1,1,0,0,2,0,36.0,6,2,0,7,17,20,6,2,16,0,32,7,2,4,10,62,65,21,0,2,10,1,7,1,2,2,1,1,1,1,24,17,1,6,9,1,0,5,7,13,0,4,31,9,75,7,42,27,9,58,1,5,1,3,49,15,1,7,36,238,99,3,0.0,0.08745322478629809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542844395421309,0.0,0.0,0.07644528843210735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320005853810597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056755622315018725,0.0,0.4049470755274192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296158342927563,0.0,0.07536864534650105,0.08441940566580702,0.0,0.07582358710524419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278461176064711,0.0,0.08166977601664302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660534744892447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670628395628326,0.0,0.0,0.06633600570916855,0.07220070982835583,0.0,0.08305719235522124,0.07464148668432061,0.0,0.21260860497214912,0.0,0.0,0.06278306724966677,0.0,0.0,0.05702571261293124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194813706037375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403782423238073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324540803730123,0.0656060526617222,0.0,0.07686214729236787,0.0811285035589448,0.0,0.08326131792806431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213445067860226,0.03606002090787224,0.0,0.0651759133737362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417182301895933,0.06275094132173611,0.1998502354994319,0.1396823229275039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830114369410628,0.0,0.0,0.117829474229699,0.0,0.16277735501678575,0.0,0.1138542228955936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004746093646598,0.056136116193136534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711613211380136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848943992785636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058696972713496214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448672661773424,0.0,0.11789012160328308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956540490622311,0.0,0.05549621616844546,0.059325983519463325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807266681220417,0.09458941590630968,0.0,0.0,0.4734336553825068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200604243571348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353527152250125,0.05858724006684205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842295707848563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074696641216345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753146151719687
bpd,Lexingtonandthird,2019/03/05,"Looking for Support Hi r/BPD. It is weird for me to be posting rather than lurking. I was diagnosed about two years ago and have been generally on the mend for the last year. I basically stopped impulsive spending (now working to stop binge-eating/restricting and weed) and have gotten much better at navigating my emotional extremes. When I started DBT a year ago it had been almost two years since I had worked on my PhD. Whenever I got the normal grad school doubts and anxieties my bpd exaggerated them and I'd veer wildly off course. I spent AN ENTIRE SUMMER depressed, practicing to do youtube makeup tutorials, instead of working on my dissertation. Last semester I progressed by leaps and bounds and am about to enter the last stages--provided I can revise and submit a single 25 page document. For whatever reason, despite all the work I've done in the last two years, this seems to be too much. Yesterday I was going to work on it before and after teaching class but instead I had a panic attack, canceled class, and got really stoned. I feel ashamed. I've worked so hard to get control of myself. My bpd is telling me to self-destruct and it feels like I want to. I've done enough dbt at this point to know I'm never going to feel 100% about anything. I'm going to feel anxious and depressed whether or not I finish this today. But I'm trying to convince myself I'll feel a little bit better if I ignore my bpd impulse to get stoned, stay in bed, and wait for them to revoke my funding. I know why I want to self-destruct--if my advisers reject me because I made myself a fuck-up it won't be because they think I'm a fuck-up--but it's still so hard to get up and live my life. 

​

Anyway, thanks for reading my ramble. Before I go back to lurking full-time I just want to thank everyone on this subreddit and BPDmemes. This place was so important to me in the early days of recovery. I'd never felt so understood, and I used a lot of spongebob memes to explain my mood swings to my boyfriend. Y'all are beautiful, loving people who deserve love. ",5.468828932261765,6.214536686567165,6.114626865671643,78.76243398392654,67.70646766169155,8.771680061232301,31.630692690394177,8.841846274778883,2.594099579027937,1636,65,303,26,26,534,217,402,0.11,0.778,0.11199999999999999,0.6762,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,1,3,10,17,19,1,3,15,0,22,4,0,4,3,56,62,26,0,6,8,0,8,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,12,16,0,6,13,1,3,5,4,9,0,3,17,9,43,9,50,41,8,49,0,3,1,2,11,15,0,6,28,189,55,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324765022812635,0.0,0.07482521727812404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096334177702535,0.09079774810646114,0.0,0.0,0.057163598279383415,0.0844167662002618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149142358056023,0.0,0.0,0.08500925245535253,0.0,0.0574580860760785,0.0,0.09110202252647294,0.0,0.12716911340231338,0.0,0.0,0.13217447899687024,0.08157917303392262,0.0,0.3764486720135515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380923605976028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819075002299426,0.0,0.12871921462845407,0.07584321119121734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293703822421606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405435832839198,0.0,0.07720978973608662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140191278923821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891330901763653,0.053382787121218654,0.07174668650564149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816212959615234,0.1171205004631448,0.0,0.1698693149072062,0.0,0.11952709834806108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387591947871216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213263022366267,0.24363988935661185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277971824524448,0.036506335420472255,0.07489300376890329,0.06598259499172465,0.0,0.06274927749920664,0.0,0.0,0.06352760908526169,0.13488251988986674,0.07070558480997659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098613657912548,0.0,0.1152633954562231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321358134256215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767242609874637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180416114102817,0.0,0.07807059769788692,0.0,0.07063826225787496,0.0,0.0715648647781149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474414659429625,0.0,0.047870059923501226,0.07682864039776675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562460166174344,0.0,0.06802585510313583,0.15590670141345014,0.0,0.0,0.06181240313335781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288997888602815,0.07964576197005471,0.05967462322061728,0.12494509483121362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479582484253058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531200424912725,0.13759150176801818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788007407323006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082954388723547,0.0,0.0,0.05073264022994034,0.0,0.21898325144222616,0.0,0.0,0.06453747957307088,0.0,0.0,0.13222232140815002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742671996503577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32639944518945496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079774810646114,0.2405987896686504
bpd,lizismith92,2019/03/05,"Just looking for a little help... I was recently diagnosed with bpd traits. I have also recently noticed i secret eat. I am having a bad time at the moment with how I feel about everything and I seem to be turning to food. I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food. Hospitalised for anorexia and I have also struggled with purging. But right now I don’t want anyone to see me eat unhealthy so I eat when no one is watching or in the toilet! My mental health is just awful at the moment, my ocd is off the rails. My child’s father (we are separated) is trying to do everything in his power to make me out to be some kind of monster and I work night shifts. Oh and also my boyfriend is extremely controlling and horrible and I don’t know how to get out of this relationship. I have no idea what to deal with first....",2.305243902439024,4.545214097560977,4.020914634146344,84.491006097561,78.75609756097559,7.0268292682926825,24.27439024390244,8.07648339933343,1.5613000000000006,648,23,126,12,16,217,99,164,0.151,0.841,0.008,-0.9732,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,4,11,3,0,1,7,1,19,7,0,4,0,29,28,15,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,14,5,1,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,4,21,1,25,24,1,18,0,0,3,0,9,9,0,3,9,97,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176803500204132,0.11018115938530837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258871557019976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056227026180812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667739821950706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851639632730354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651562650114588,0.0,0.13439998908925072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064854994577658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23801487511128086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695377548498305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263343150360355,0.3202371837683228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691821708545882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075257772761696,0.0,0.0,0.08875600783806045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948214288990622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378914376363279,0.07277266107642079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271614863490133,0.0,0.0,0.11119653399153988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838906101006044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334447160358359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426394186279745,0.0,0.0,0.15075709535681642,0.0,0.0,0.0897288666834861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614906941045782,0.2843315922296461,0.0,0.11308299183392485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551882919486816,0.12054703433637215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843050630692458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772131426383329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990213080748938,0.14403115865297345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810269930777321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640080982682198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,galaxybeans83,2019/03/05,"New Therapist Winning! My daughter met her new therapist yesterday. He immediately won her over making her feel comfortable. That's the first win. 

The second, he's EXCITED. He's excited to help. He's excited to put the pieces together. He's excited to help her with coping skills. He's excited to learn and try and to do what's needed. 

After months of being left in the dark and then suddenly having her dropped off because her dad and step mom just couldn't take it anymore, we have a chance to start over and get her help from people who will be in her corner. And her new therapist, he's a darn good start.",3.0607954545454525,5.251426458333338,4.496212121212125,82.25727272727276,76.08333333333334,8.696969696969697,25.90909090909091,9.339509955726095,2.429250000000001,485,18,94,13,11,161,72,120,0.0,0.703,0.297,0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,0,5,1,10,0,0,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,16,7,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,11,10,15,10,1,21,0,0,0,0,25,7,1,0,11,54,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395442442278066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077840254310116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359147678152308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406223145171024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637361801925181,0.0,0.0,0.13866376260620586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33243438691877625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962220542936413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103533309009626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362244781047602,0.13195797935948636,0.0,0.0,0.12258373738241868,0.0,0.4790053698579541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461305600237673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619368814209004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340307024961337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430113255719695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5758527286966894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224239149425166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,acidfairie,2019/03/05,"Long distance and BPD :-( clingy and obsessive. I’m in a long distance relationship, and we have four months to go. We have been together for two years and have gone through a whole lot of drama, we’ve broken up thrice, but right now we’re actually in a good place. 

I just don’t know how to deal with my clingyness. Object permanency is a bitch. I feel like I spend most of my time waiting for the next time he is going to call me. I don’t feel like doing anything cause I miss him so much. I miss class because I can’t get out of bed because I just feel so empty. He is really supportive and he really does his best to give me what I need, but he told me he’s been feeling pressured to call me and hanging out with me through a screen makes him miss me more because he can’t touch me or anything. Whereas I would spend every minute on the phone or on video chat with him if I could. He asked me for two days of space because I think he can feel me getting more and more erratic, and it was so hard for me to agree to that. But I have to respect his boundaries. At first he wanted to just have a few days of no pressure to call or message but I told him I’d still be waiting all the time so I’d rather have no communication at all. By this time I was in defense mode giving him cold and hostile answers feeling like my world was ending. And you all know what it’s like, he tried his best to calm me down with words but nothing was getting to me. 

We have gone through a lot together, we are the best of friends and we finally trust each other. He accepts me for who I am and he knows me the most. The problem really is I don’t know what to do when I miss him so much all the time. I know I should be living my life here away from home and experiencing everything but the truth is I’d still rather hang out with him on Skype above everything else :( 

I need consistency above all. But he’s the creative abstract type who doesn’t really like scheduling things and planning in advanced. I was thinking of changing our dynamic. Maybe it would be easier to communicate through email, because then I know there would always be a reply coming. Texting just has me glued to my phone all the time which I don’t like either. And maybe a video call once or twice a week. I just need to manage my expectations. I don’t want to rely on him for my emotional peace I want to learn how to do it myself I’m so tired of taking it out on the people I love and hurting people :(

Any suggestions? 
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bpd,zoinkstheo,2019/03/05,"I can’t find peace Recently I got my license and a job, two things I’ve been needing for a while now that would really help me. I thought that I’d be happier now that I’m going to do something with myself. But I’ve been feeling even more down. I know it wasn’t going to solve all of my problems but I thought it would relieve a lot of the sadness I’ve been feeling. I feel like I don’t belong in this world. And not the fitting in type, more of I don’t belong on earth. I don’t want to commit suicide but I just feel this(life) isn’t for me. I haven’t been to a professional in months due to my mom(her and financial reasons) and I know I need to go back but they’re just gonna tell me the same things over and over again. “Yeah you’re depressed, here’s some meds, bye” with pills that do little to nothing or wear off after a few months. Today my family kept saying “you did ___ you should be happy, why aren’t you celebrating?” It feels like nothing tbh. I feel nothing but everything all at once. I want nothing to do with people but I don’t want them to leave me(if they haven’t already) I don’t want to physically be on this earth but I don’t want to commit suicide. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t make friends often but when I do I romanticize or depend upon them and that makes me worse than when I started. I know I’m posting here often lately(sorry) but I’m going crazy spending so much time isolated. I’m slowly giving up. ",0.4456165658445777,2.6600277263843712,2.3982838529548616,93.49095765472315,86.0684039087948,5.072089343880876,20.82354583527222,6.474141703775902,0.22692487668683106,1140,37,252,12,35,379,148,307,0.11,0.7070000000000001,0.183,0.9294,2,0,1,0,0,4,30.0,0,3,3,0,14,9,0,0,8,1,30,2,1,4,4,62,64,21,2,11,14,0,6,2,1,4,1,1,0,0,13,10,0,1,14,0,1,4,15,3,0,1,10,7,40,6,35,47,9,35,0,2,0,0,12,15,0,7,18,169,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372968165382714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220819443203268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792470634113586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876574613375607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807040275884599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262401567394377,0.0,0.09715614521084573,0.0,0.3126625197883789,0.14725269861822024,0.0,0.0,0.09419531158123123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962418663003579,0.0,0.0,0.09886489838857758,0.2342863344294354,0.0,0.0824267930681043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109709680843952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907919395630707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022715152889242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655713755791315,0.0,0.0,0.10912605166339186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070018253486317,0.10329356621595398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761824156283017,0.0,0.0,0.13758719523010154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447683837701635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070306038944285,0.16452360902995627,0.0,0.07576123062810022,0.15283591777040975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39555682036234857,0.0,0.0,0.10975593110279107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144908442441956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870334646349642,0.0,0.0,0.09861485600359766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602311238213363,0.10596322559976618,0.10175968261651287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195774319701749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934090831896175,0.0,0.11536764714725985,0.07294666071989969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254626360003727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007930642521596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693746150205036,0.0,0.0,0.16363684451376082,0.060095330853785274,0.0,0.0976891807429386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067500676400286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30393838374506005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299595440081516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050273222781728,0.1464222605760242,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,threwthemoon,2019/03/05,"Loving someone with bpd So I dated a girl for a few months and instantly  fell deeply in love.  She then proceeded to cheat on me once, and manipulate me just about every single day.  She was extremely good at what she does. It’s been about 4 months since and I am left still loving this girl that cheated and manipulated. She is now diagnosed with bpd, which came as no surprise to me after I did all my research.  I am now left loving someone that I know would pathological lie to me, cheat, and manipulate me if I went back to her. At this point, turning my back to the situation is pretty much out of the question because I still love this person dearly.  How would one even approach trying to find a solution to the situation?  ",4.794042553191492,6.037222056737588,5.809709219858156,78.52350000000003,69.56737588652483,8.760567375886525,28.28439716312057,9.120678840339163,2.2807469503546094,574,20,110,11,10,190,90,141,0.087,0.7020000000000001,0.21100000000000002,0.9688,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,12,11,3,0,6,0,9,7,0,4,1,21,18,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,1,5,0,19,8,20,11,4,25,0,0,0,5,14,8,0,2,13,85,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077059727587184,0.0,0.0756185440435807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124683700247407,0.0,0.0,0.14187793018242068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000073438650722,0.0,0.0,0.12590616644549485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855529043748548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193257158127655,0.0,0.10451583799001664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337767658127952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404562461090323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817356787198013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695571533128115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5597910720388878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980279508762727,0.0,0.09118959488917908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210713198520732,0.08405817366632648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083139784278902,0.0,0.0,0.11726550953700154,0.0,0.0,0.12620146983156508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389622133304488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026138344496389,0.278870426471916,0.0,0.0,0.2102110319252108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812987677550456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422048782857912,0.13492866448565166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499379142381393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624036085460668,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thirsteaegg,2019/03/05,"Sometimes when I am feeling really empty I miss other BPD symptoms because at least they mean I’m not alone Since I was diagnosed, I think things have been a lot better for me. Except, I get these really intense empty feelings sometimes, but overall I don’t get super sad, anxious, or angry over anyone’s actions. But I don’t think it’s because I’ve gotten a lot better, but really this year is essentially my gap year (I stayed in my hometown for freshman yr — not by choice —  but accepted to transfer at a rlly good school across the country next yr, but for now I’m living at home and don’t really vibe with my school or the people), so I haven’t been around a lot of friends like I was in high school or during the summer. When I think about this, I get really sad and start to feel really empty. I feel like I can’t really feel abandoned if I don’t have anyone to abandon me. And a lot of times when that happens to me, I browse this sub and I read a lot of these posts and it really feels like a lot of my old thoughts which makes me feel even worse. Like even when my heart really hurt and I was really sad because my FP did xyz, at least I had a FP and all of the really warm and exciting feelings that come with that/having a lot of people. Especially now that it’s spring I’ve been getting really sad because I would normally be playing tennis for my school now. And I know that I have a lot to look forward to next year, but it’s just hard to feel optimistic about the future instead of being really empty rn",6.333518370607027,5.135379594249201,7.232346246006394,78.05318390575081,66.15654952076677,10.380910543130993,30.425119808306714,9.516144504307137,2.481568849840256,1195,34,245,20,16,403,140,313,0.155,0.693,0.152,-0.4708,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,15,21,0,0,15,0,22,3,1,1,1,57,50,24,0,3,14,0,11,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,16,13,0,2,16,2,0,3,8,8,0,0,10,12,34,13,33,37,11,33,0,8,1,0,2,11,0,12,23,164,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961920987815473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593898923064599,0.0,0.09400298297728987,0.0,0.0,0.059839675311794474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390572202483733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890050743353928,0.0,0.0,0.08466070467006177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057903713948201575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682264561545074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879579389045916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058941427461209,0.09604335912804768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051933678795350616,0.0,0.1404778193352312,0.0,0.0,0.05638059235690539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059442050346235724,0.0,0.06021553812792953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965552293227113,0.0,0.07102117419072243,0.06742671693539128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719599479325457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036942121824728266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136036060746406,0.0,0.05935611841135791,0.0,0.05644751537791425,0.0,0.0,0.4571814476503285,0.0,0.0,0.044869589918912316,0.0,0.0,0.07322182594145576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297756642296108,0.0,0.0658609138369554,0.0,0.0,0.07053563898762881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932031825445355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437777399320764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723776802599772,0.0,0.5598135734423363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721192042604076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055604729097640436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296376180369154,0.0,0.04757836289898925,0.07164712571626349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986687889090673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465770039034545,0.12921477307424767,0.0,0.05336483599856754,0.03919627617877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850249215447397,0.047750859199206575,0.0,0.0,0.12986161199928153
bpd,BruceCambell,2019/03/05,"Gonna try this again I feel like on this sub, males get a lot of the negative side. I tried posting something here earlier and I got downvoted. I want you guys to know, I suffer just as much but in different ways. I posted before about sexual relations with my wife while having BPD. It didn't go over well. I want y'all to know, it hurt me, I gave this sub a chance when my wife suggested it and it really took me aback. Enough of the pity party, I have issues with the wife and sex, we were in therapy tonight and it got rough. Nothing sex related was brought up but on the way home, all he'll broke loose. Short story, she told me she didn't feel emotionally connected and that's the reason she won't initiate or actually try with sex. It was a huge thing for me because, and I don't know how all males feel, but I want sex or something similar almost always. I knoe about her past, she was raped in college and her ex husband didn't want anything to do with her. But at the same time, I dont think those things apply to me. Sure she can hold onto those things, but if I make a legitimate attempt to change those things, then what am I doing wrong? I dont want to go into too much detail because I could write a book and I'm going to link her to this just so that you guys can have another point of view. ",3.3347599768652434,4.087144164835165,4.536761133603238,88.127975708502,72.55311355311355,8.238210911895122,24.25853094274147,8.532816995589336,1.2601472527472524,1019,27,230,17,19,336,154,273,0.115,0.809,0.076,-0.9499,1,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,1,3,0,1,11,9,1,0,11,0,20,5,0,3,3,49,46,22,0,7,10,5,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,20,14,0,1,9,1,0,5,8,6,1,0,13,5,37,3,29,29,7,30,0,4,1,5,27,14,0,5,8,152,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.1086601606340863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149952761022136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265094599505884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167587042257652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163040122994733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575413270476702,0.0,0.09474944802541913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023964989967913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779204286290043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890278779702089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633557616286375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26099943404712345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252521755113699,0.0,0.11505285778802635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689035767430384,0.07954745422801553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817504200744573,0.0,0.18984590746884647,0.0,0.1781112770163066,0.0,0.0,0.22050521861467068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169171357308452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920096748767098,0.0,0.0,0.11621899764131907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358281748686772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439929614949458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466458850209533,0.0,0.0,0.07432604779151598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370804969142289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684197423075242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629482755318108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526040764685704,0.0,0.2132823373326056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133275735510425,0.11448489457030993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714431676196351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494472737332727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733681564391847,0.0,0.2959002192327128,0.07134767977036477,0.0,0.0,0.06492825768583135,0.0,0.0,0.10639834852566277,0.1237123794216798,0.2267951484470242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328381413664708,0.17676665419136794,0.0,0.0,0.10011575393632896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174220227396808,0.0,0.0
bpd,Freezer_slave2,2019/03/05,"She left me and she said I didn’t do anything wrong. Literally want to die. We had our ups and downs, but I kept my impulses out of the way. Was much better than I have been in the past with other people. She left me without telling me why other than that she fell out of love with me. Am I really that hopeless? We’ve been dating for a year and she did it on our anniversary after I took her on a safari. How can I ever succeed if even the “normal” me is so terrible? Fuck I just want to die. Everyone always leaves me, and this time I don’t even know if it was my fault.",0.9713968957871408,2.538988756097563,3.1611529933481144,92.3147228381375,80.13821138211381,6.423946784922395,19.31189948263119,7.348242739294969,0.254681300813008,439,10,103,6,11,150,79,123,0.201,0.6829999999999999,0.115,-0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,3,0,0,2,6,8,1,0,5,0,13,2,0,1,1,21,21,9,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,10,1,25,3,18,11,1,18,0,1,0,2,12,9,1,2,6,82,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275379148813328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510712173861649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236214976613295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38105542306367096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24250655102214735,0.16605919110117848,0.0,0.17541916027751722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971733535661998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008911138539574,0.0,0.0,0.19438538148002046,0.3989217858760368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568868711569132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495288698307634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798700407078965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524848505261498,0.1272716947102574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176064531912746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746272198035821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045756330424735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704734236343584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039648360599354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656122537245287,0.14571776006390266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565296550874198,0.0,0.0,0.17696517737741907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007166012363828,0.0,0.11821990755917935
bpd,dhskdhsbwjzicmwkz,2019/03/05,"I think i need to break up with my partner but im scared im splitting /will regret it. He throws things.
Not at me. Not during arguements with me. During flashbacks and the like.
But it triggers me badly and  it's not healthy for me. He says he tries not too, but it keeps happening.

But I'm so scared I'll regret this and I'm only feeling this way BC I am splitting. ",-1.16,0.8274363333333348,0.9705128205128232,98.79115384615385,102.33333333333334,3.4256410256410263,17.53846153846154,5.369823440869387,-0.5621846153846155,286,9,64,2,13,94,47,78,0.251,0.6920000000000001,0.057,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,20,9,8,0,3,8,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,2,8,1,6,8,0,5,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145608030380256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993271394001038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723940278417684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551474978753619,0.0,0.0,0.2284084321439289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554349034094414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905414080030679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195438709785457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435436922585773,0.5145474026478349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707207121441335,0.1646572176500998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446705223407266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397233341116675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throw-away-7584637,2019/03/05,"Looking for input I have an appointment booked to get a referral for a therapist and to start DBT upon being evaluated (I have no doubt I will need to go to therapy)
I’m looking to see other peoples experience with therapy and the evaluation process.
I’m really nervous about it and have backed out before due to this, and I’d like to have a picture in my head so I feel more prepared.",5.048831168831168,5.720986350649357,7.1198961038961075,71.44555844155846,68.6103896103896,10.835324675324678,34.88051948051948,10.793553405168565,4.0675423376623385,307,15,57,9,5,109,53,77,0.094,0.825,0.081,-0.2585,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,0,6,1,1,0,0,9,16,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,14,14,1,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,4,41,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899188329623842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016893578955773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416020473451584,0.0,0.0,0.12488475558404978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904124428184074,0.0,0.14036919886515198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534813532824569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206660557681881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.414816098681144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313876810185206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123065696049106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582270927450154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681777611587875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748196598845912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5649055184687461,0.2867725675894516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mombruh420,2019/03/05,"Every time I try to research coping mechanisms for BPD relationships (as the person with BPD) all I get are a bunch of websites telling partners how they can cope with a BPD partner Bitch I feel left out af, I need strategies on how to cope too I’m rotting away in here

Where are the tools for us? Why do most websites just suggest we palm ourselves off to DBT and we’ll be “cured”? ",3.3984848484848524,4.878565753246754,3.820194805194806,90.5312445887446,73.28571428571428,6.172294372294372,28.417748917748927,6.42735559955562,1.1191748917748918,301,12,63,2,6,94,60,77,0.057999999999999996,0.9420000000000001,0.0,-0.6322,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,3,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,4,0,6,1,1,2,1,12,10,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,14,8,3,8,0,0,0,0,10,7,1,1,1,41,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230719985749484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.773376371016674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245495811749034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349429655015628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693885527059226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223895845779432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177046939894198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872202885752878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975383696915768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890269275345752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935278965072635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896688751134134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462094502906636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469532368453395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaypwbpd,2019/03/05,"I hate my ex who is my ex for 5 years. We are not even on the same continent, but I hate him because he was a fucking pussy, much talk, 0 actions, and mostly because it was me who made him what’s become now, a successful fucktard with so-called taste he’s never had before. He is my ex for 5 years. We were high-school sweathearts. 3 years together. My family and I moved to another country, he was promising to come. Never did. Fucked my brains on FaceTime about how much he loved me. How much he missed me. I was bored of him, obviously, relationships don’t work over phone. Asked him to visit me at least. Could not come and visit. 
I broke up with him. Over the phone, messages, FaceTime. Didn’t give a fuck about this weak whining pussy. He was wining. Tried to manipulate me, threatened with suicide (bitch), sent me videos of his reckless drunk driving. Vowed that he will never love anyone else, that I was the best he had (and lol I was and still am. Don’t like boasting, but in every fucking sense. Body of a runway model, high IQ, artistic background, pretty face, capability of support intellectual conversations, taste in fashion. You know, I am quite insecure in many things, but sorry, what I wrote above is fortunately or unfortunately not imagined).

So I dumped him. I blocked his numbers, deleted him from friends, he created fake accs, tried to befriend me, stalk me. - everything. I was tired of him. I started to date with another man, and I fell in love with him. Ex was writing me about how much he suffers each and every day. Majority of times I ignored him.

Then some time later he stopped. I also lost interest in my then-current partner. I contacted ex. One day ex
talks ambiguously about his feelings to me, then I knew he started to date a stupid bitch (beautiful though) who only dreamed of diamonds and get married to the “status” guy and have babies. The earthy dreams of earthy people. 

The thing is when I asked my ex if he dated her, he lied. He said he didn’t date anyone since we broke up. But I learned it and threw truth to his face. Bitch started to deny, in the end he accepted. I was furious about the fact how low level he could have gone, and how much he lied to me. Also learned that when he was lying to me about how much he missed me and loved me, among this suicide threats, he was   Flirting with some other bitches who used to be my so-called friends.

Long story short I guess back then I developed my major BPD symptoms. We talked on the distance for months, me or him got cold, then begged each other to be “back”. Yes, on the distance. I begged him to find a job in my new country, to move. He would just promise again. The” relationships “ were very volatile as rollercoasters. I never did forgive him about the lies he told to me, and would always bring it up.

Then I met someone very special, someone I madly fell in love with. In the same period my ex started to date someone too and we are in no-contact for 2+ years. I broke-up from my SO, now alone.

All this time I was checking the social media of my ex. And was malevolent inside of me about his current 2+ years GF, about how down to earth she also is, about the level of her interests, about even how good party she made by dating with my ex considering her very ugly and weird ex (yes I made a background check on everything about her! And to see her with my ex after her ex who she got married to is a fucking progress in every sense). 
I am malevolent about how stupid she is. About her style, about her body, about everything about her. I have this thought “how the fuck he can give her cunnilingus between her fat short legs after he was in between mine?” When he told me those are the most beautiful legs he ever saw, and that was the truth. I have many insecurities but my body and mind is something i won’t deny. 

So 5 years passed and their “Instagram” happiness drives me crazy. He didn’t evolve at all, I don’t even love him - not at all (many things were so dirty and disgusting during our breakup from his side).

I am just envying that he become what he’d become thanks to me. I was always pulling him up and showed him what it means to be ambitious. Yes, with ultimatums and very childish behavior back then, but it was me who made him a fucking human. 

And here I see him on her Instagram. The funniest thing is he almost (!) never posts anything about her or with her on his social media. 

So, yes. This post makes me look like an angry fairy from fairytales, like Maleficent, but yes. Sometimes I want to write to him “hey you, how does it feel to fuck this down-to-earth, unimaginative, quite ugly - average creature? How does it feel to know how ugly was her ex, and you are a better stair in the ladder?” 

Rrrrrrrrggghhh.",3.218657897992003,5.155174892508147,3.934124713093915,87.6214427081186,74.77633007600434,6.878274852595558,25.447587240066518,7.719140084213159,1.2962209513599698,3680,127,743,51,79,1169,357,921,0.207,0.6579999999999999,0.135,-0.9981,5,1,1,0,0,2,151.0,6,3,1,9,58,64,21,2,31,6,64,30,9,20,13,130,127,68,2,6,17,14,3,3,4,4,4,1,0,4,35,45,5,3,14,7,2,17,16,36,0,1,47,11,134,28,113,70,21,111,0,8,4,14,149,39,12,11,56,487,169,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172605473902329,0.05350007091059511,0.0,0.12392793131568025,0.0859639140520156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833170786430688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223819781773387,0.052927709609872815,0.042508513276826004,0.0,0.09658283446356232,0.0,0.0,0.11916090111132903,0.0,0.06297807578058016,0.1711500880954355,0.04395547891635899,0.0,0.05420981906816842,0.04568556286499971,0.0,0.1721346208953155,0.06505896448862868,0.05766521582157101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899419593061628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824862771457861,0.0,0.0,0.06662773498775425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040908409469983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043151986703589884,0.0,0.04575191237381519,0.0,0.0,0.10235496663959126,0.04672583865938905,0.13056730558206658,0.0,0.13927533333273048,0.0,0.04869671006706405,0.0,0.07835652619775149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721267777548591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981864497060767,0.3820413565542689,0.026988144899066476,0.09910634643213223,0.0,0.043326629163918114,0.08262809593946878,0.0,0.05690494342891419,0.05114759341481352,0.0,0.05498880701795966,0.0,0.10199927520516186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915486866361684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126064148938765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056777608957925475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570958453464724,0.0,0.0,0.045713963143598206,0.04337805730244183,0.0,0.05638866140199045,0.0,0.2797295161026053,0.19551274734779875,0.034480802735228605,0.15711332732227196,0.0,0.056268562756273656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521578672331934,0.0,0.04123135222549162,0.10980437496057048,0.2278387645504521,0.0,0.1992015833583612,0.049889717970271856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03500346441531673,0.039286740341695374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035811788757390266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894439996463124,0.05255275561833308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988509782452092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091849411035147,0.0,0.0,0.04913671591419631,0.0,0.0,0.052278662561476036,0.08232633976972355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042730403790774016,0.0,0.0,0.105313639645781,0.13130396583875764,0.03976733741835081,0.051089136873909625,0.057824699117666425,0.14624962238789602,0.0,0.041252574192560065,0.0431867560811034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300663064018425,0.05861865340319844,0.0,0.05369039639357285,0.0,0.1245574864153046,0.0,0.04755793441683516,0.0,0.0,0.13727189043191235,0.0,0.05075178955005224,0.04100911968194424,0.09036314367825657,0.05937101032165379,0.0,0.09871910523638107,0.0,0.07014211040203107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04461422662772863,0.0,0.17048654631264326,0.03046806626459898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760620679946584,0.0,0.0,0.07338992665014447,0.0,0.0,0.1995887474932629
bpd,tnmfne,2019/03/05,"I feel like it’s not fair to have relationships with other people I can’t trust anyone. There is no one I fully trust and there is no one I ever have fully trusted.

My boyfriend told me today it hurts that I don’t trust him and that I think he doesn’t understand me or want me in his life. He said he doesn’t know what else to do to make me feel like I can trust him or that he wants me in his life.

What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? I probably won’t ever trust you unless you act 100% the way I want you to and I wont believe you want me in your life unless you go above and beyond for me every second of the day?? 

I would never ask that of someone nor do I think it’s ok to but that’s how I feel. I am so painfully convinced that it is impossible to care for me and treat me with gentleness and love. 

Relationships bring me so much pain. I desire closeness but I don’t let myself get close to people. I trust no ones intentions. It’s so lonely and I’m so fucking tired of it. How do I tell people that I hate myself so much to the point where I find it literally impossible that someone cares about me without scaring them off? That I have no idea what it’s like to be loved unconditionally and don’t believe unconditional love even exists. 

I’m so sick of it. I want normal relationships. I don’t know what to do. My head hurts from crying. I try to be a good person. I try to be a good friend and girlfriend. But these things always get in the way. And I wish people knew that it’s not about them. 

",1.4600021978021966,2.9804282738461545,3.4235549450549487,91.1909807692308,78.56923076923077,6.119780219780222,19.607142857142858,6.868970318607317,0.060914285714286365,1179,26,274,12,28,399,139,325,0.14300000000000002,0.626,0.231,0.9821,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,6,2,0,17,30,3,1,7,1,27,13,1,4,3,51,60,26,0,9,10,0,3,3,2,3,7,2,0,1,28,14,0,0,11,0,0,3,18,9,0,4,3,5,54,21,34,50,2,20,0,3,0,5,30,10,2,2,8,193,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767420953276778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448881166431945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622186613018974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782148479923995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880676631873063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130946208470598,0.05948021383488415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704567465789869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060916526767761936,0.16685321063881686,0.07770709157173414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990158706303193,0.13177713945340652,0.0,0.0,0.0842958317679422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125606283531967,0.17052884647657346,0.09637191658388797,0.0,0.05241598838908311,0.15471497975359524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105725568070548,0.09465378286632674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746656468198664,0.1041155577182315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137352928090797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431062120461678,0.19543266659312009,0.13517560752436558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497214026076326,0.0,0.06156371727980255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559817031978713,0.0,0.07113285646933974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036504872398547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749070927602068,0.0,0.19627677511144734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557605001569716,0.08053099321653881,0.0,0.0,0.08718641942734323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943869305535387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970589837313071,0.0,0.0,0.08773110387911336,0.07334437369165811,0.0923375338751984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562910293917501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806123992025301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061272992380047166,0.1181935140227919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600391534168556,0.08742251187686144,0.08812896746568953,0.0,0.1252351659953519,0.0,0.0,0.096013865602233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719959033406803,0.14641451612843834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060590457643326,0.0889056721910063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551698825240511,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alexandrahcollier,2019/01/10,"Anyone ever just want to quit therapy/is scared to ""get better"" ? I'm in DBT and it feels like I've made so much progress by learning these new skills. I have a good relationship with my counselor. I trust her and she never makes me feel bad. I genuinely like her. But the last few weeks I have suddenly had this urge to just up and quit. Like, I don't want to go. I don't want to work on things. I feel so oppositional towards the exercises in therapy now. They irritate me even though I understand their purpose. I don't understand why I don't want to do it. I thought I wanted to get better but sometimes I get scared when I think about what it would be like to ""get better"". I don't know who I would even be. I have such a hard time even seeing that as a possibility. Has anyone else experienced this? ",1.320941176470587,3.4942433757575806,3.2134759358288782,89.31080213903746,81.9090909090909,6.791443850267379,21.221033868092693,7.928766900206844,0.8938841354723706,627,19,139,12,17,210,94,165,0.075,0.772,0.153,0.7140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,8,13,12,0,2,5,0,15,1,0,2,2,28,37,10,0,7,4,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,9,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,6,25,9,17,30,2,15,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,13,92,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073038816869054,0.12509127690828084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019365005895256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32392477043765755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198697728787262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190945667640665,0.11043354918617147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851906683365256,0.08721808322251856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551390590444289,0.0,0.06938414441946572,0.10239973364037472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936485069683034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709513463455358,0.09951617970965676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23857971998515914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552048727336292,0.08149318522877706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974707261690157,0.0,0.09416005569906856,0.1179111768012572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376333378711315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597064430216085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107440472371534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444582648399868,0.0,0.09728653517116033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074592712976928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961569344868333,0.0,0.08110834657456285,0.07822761812223641,0.119948628175895,0.09692244730994404,0.07118918181974411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541911398394615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600466884036359,0.0,0.09792982346041504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101633989244152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887987904438928,0.0,0.0,0.1734524260456413,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saltenjin,2019/01/10,"DAE not being able to differentiate whats real and whats not because you’re too used with assuming things “Why didn’t you just ask?”

Because I believe I am annoying and they’ll abandon me if I ask for the 100th time for anything Sharla.",5.213750000000001,5.624401208333335,6.383333333333333,77.795,68.16666666666666,8.9,32.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.650616666666667,190,8,37,3,3,64,38,48,0.128,0.872,0.0,-0.6808,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,7,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,24,9,0,0.2940422106969248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419716853835119,0.0,0.5497795484417826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584908048794353,0.0,0.0,0.33128487933938744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346844098054657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953485791615456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145837768219718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539580610333572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26532735981379524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Temporary_Scratch,2019/01/10,"Understanding BPD while dating I dated a girl who I recently found out has BPD, we dated for a year but recently broke up. We were in a non-monogamous dynamic but were in love and ultimately broke up because of a lack of communication on expectations, feelings, and lots of holding back in general. I thought for the longest time she was just lying to me half the time about how much she loved me because she would often post explicit photos online with her other partners or dates and I was also convinced that she wasn't looking for anything serious with me based on this behavior along with other deceptive behavior. I thought she was just young and inexperienced, and when it all came to a head she told me she had really wanted to primary partner with me that whole time, wanted a family, children, home, the whole shebang. Turns out, she had serious feelings for me specifically (according to her) since one of our first dates. We never had too many serious conversations, and when I would try to bring them up she often deflected, leading me to further believe this was either a game or just trying to be casual. 

It's been months since we broke up but I still think about her, especially as I learn new things about her mental state and sometimes I lament on what I missed out on because I didn't know and couldn't facilitate or muster up the patience to learn or grow with her. 

​

I guess my question is -- does this behavior sound familiar to folks here? Is it possible her BPD held her back with me causing some of these extreme behaviors? General thoughts on dating non-monogamously with BPD? How do I support her (if at all) post-breakup? ",8.457175324675326,7.957007996753247,8.3149025974026,69.73521103896107,61.56493506493507,11.985714285714288,38.08116883116883,11.333407214811013,4.385483116883116,1325,58,233,33,16,428,165,308,0.096,0.83,0.07400000000000001,-0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,5,0,1,2,18,13,0,0,11,0,20,3,1,4,4,72,42,23,0,8,12,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,14,24,0,2,12,2,0,4,4,7,0,3,19,4,45,6,47,19,9,47,0,4,1,2,34,18,0,11,23,182,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086342195263697,0.0,0.1095604895390971,0.12286851695163566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321087447818139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550583511761826,0.0,0.18492039669306012,0.0,0.0,0.1139245051235554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5094145064532318,0.0,0.0,0.11565118699016053,0.0,0.10387526163460216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884883799546181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532433662176336,0.0,0.10225583164995404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601027445100791,0.0,0.1108698367362742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139204220140984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377546269131632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142883839458082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055571391798649734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849130163126317,0.0,0.0,0.08596626322315054,0.1825245177020872,0.0,0.0,0.1025170124826908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190239697981544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071081790742045,0.0,0.07433280762219742,0.0,0.07798785076646768,0.09765966249493198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851966016304514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399449729181507,0.19368473303592007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327445288906253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477829452653552,0.0,0.19968215534301428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672904551180574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000075379707786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075236013747714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474664801021645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717780253643713,0.06479184578470408,0.0,0.24082738589979985,0.1768868310471929,0.0,0.0,0.09662185808437948,0.0,0.1373039397141191,0.10998652282774997,0.0,0.10526661508843148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192831384634001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257875793378549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366157514563851,0.0,0.12286851695163566,0.06511618863561212
bpd,KitsuneRin,2019/01/10,"Weird emotions during the day Hey guys, I just wanted to see if anyone had a similar experience as me as it's hard to describe and honestly I've tried googling and not with much luck. I'm assuming it's to do with my bpd but I also have avpd, clinical depression and anxiety so iiiidk.

Basically, no matter what time I wake up in the morning, after a few hours I feel super bored, stale and kinda irritated. Like I just want the day to end so I can start over. It's a weird restlessness and often I just end up going to sleep because I don't feel like I can do anything else, even if I'm not tired. I have the 'stale' feeling a lot and although change is a huge stress trigger for me I find that I can't stick to routines because I get so restless. 

As well as the above feelings there's an underlying impending doom anxiety going on, as well as a kind of panic.

It's been plaguing me the last few months and I wish I knew what it was. If anyone has any idea what the heck is up with me, please let me know. I don't have a psych appointment for a while so I'm just kinda lost.

Thank you!",2.372508491023776,3.6469803144104813,4.3148981077147015,86.78657326540515,75.55021834061134,7.70897622513343,24.94929645803009,8.344100000000001,1.435212324114508,848,28,187,15,18,290,129,229,0.19699999999999998,0.657,0.145,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,14,19,0,4,16,0,17,4,2,1,0,39,36,24,0,6,10,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,10,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,5,6,23,9,26,30,4,21,1,3,1,0,3,8,1,9,13,125,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059367412500673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404467275364477,0.0,0.211589086457292,0.0,0.0,0.19339678208171773,0.0,0.11380419123354615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860549633856922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417647114364626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462967311265946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783763982669823,0.0,0.11911243279168038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552690433894815,0.15556215342266735,0.2449748995539976,0.0,0.0,0.09134189286820303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527808357026158,0.0,0.0,0.2797024377598153,0.09879727221087542,0.0,0.0,0.12639822463841252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225291515444279,0.0,0.15719135184018326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369328177677855,0.0,0.0,0.12388427405621776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136191747928815,0.0,0.0,0.15611711014431676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401193574863058,0.07600277414493617,0.11272808038073097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141500041930705,0.0,0.1351269408158839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509642542378505,0.11757262642451932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038496366433988,0.0,0.10166201360834247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225822992338299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180529995994094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020242526123794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839388965131752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788521587239092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841532735657846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732254896330444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064035249170504,0.15894862679325478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389255857683668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313878667608298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486858565176052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903129265466215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smolzombie,2019/01/10,"I was so close to killing myself just now and I'm scared I don't know why I can't just do it, I don't want to do it but I don't wanna live anymore either. I've attemptrd it before but I don't wanna just OD and survive it again. I'm so tired of everything. My wrists hurt from just holding the knife against it and I can still hear the tap running in my head. I just took like 10 of my meds to ccalm down but I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry about this incoherent rant and I promise I won't do anything right now, I just want some reassurance because I feel so scared and alone. Everything just fell apart again, all at once and I'm feeling really hopeless",0.32685057471264045,2.2653558000000023,2.2586206896551744,96.0867816091954,84.10344827586206,5.2459770114942526,20.701149425287355,6.42735559955562,0.043266666666666335,521,16,124,5,15,173,77,145,0.21899999999999997,0.705,0.075,-0.966,1,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,17,8,1,2,2,0,13,3,2,0,1,30,25,12,2,4,12,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,2,3,17,3,14,22,3,14,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,6,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175688517026115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361648582193774,0.0,0.0,0.15236054757393916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286414616049695,0.0,0.15754681404541576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332797117790302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187232192913688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900146635826271,0.0,0.20867459364620025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982041378623713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048381836473526,0.0,0.20350435533779365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904536751746213,0.0,0.16348856015860405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056570403928977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971759552078844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186101754952325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811488141587493,0.0,0.0,0.3707297247723017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725737368163646,0.0,0.0,0.14785896537669518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279971811097392,0.0,0.0,0.20570559134692215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184094856182173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706674486936493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,casualtaxpayer,2019/01/10,Looking for friends I'm new to the diagnosis. New to reddit. Looking for people who might understand what's going on in my head. I need some friends who get it.,1.262812499999999,3.8364446562500016,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,86.8125,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.5491624999999996,127,6,25,2,4,42,25,32,0.0,0.813,0.187,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,6,7,1,5,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,2,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155273206176905,0.0,0.14049739309005593,0.0,0.15283103181816407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759851668458869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451643044832989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852771403433087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939763937672608,0.0,0.5194410614761275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864323383886658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27995080508480863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sad_Doe,2019/01/10,"What now? I got my diagnosis last year. They put me on meds and sent me on my way. No therapy at all.  


I later found out they only offer help to people with BPD if they're inpatients in my region of the UK (it's different in other regions though). I can't afford private care.  


It's tiring that each time my GP sees cuts on my arms, he wants to refer me back to a psychologist who I know won't provide any care outside of drugs. What's more is my diagnosis bars me from seeing anyone about depression what so ever.  


Anyone got any suggestions on self-care? Any good books?",1.3993589743589752,3.578394170940175,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,81.64957264957266,6.635042735042736,20.006410256410245,7.793537801064563,0.8372512820512821,446,12,92,8,12,153,84,117,0.11800000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.048,-0.8072,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,3,4,1,0,2,11,13,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,3,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,2,16,3,16,8,3,18,0,1,2,0,8,8,0,1,7,56,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468860676362133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778291481241734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307453547379342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415138635955766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467212062102554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644970384065845,0.0,0.0,0.1776489383425948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971850118302884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538051397893083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864330830139853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261612945532262,0.2719828302951329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396994828622745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344602829211787,0.13860009068202908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886901543830426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293182265634207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787989972928628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093074713428452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709895543860953,0.0,0.17738214387556167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444825785192532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705716387895872,0.0,0.09914796854725463,0.1954286280128551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002902318157734,0.13496476953665215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949607358342506
bpd,lordgothwad,2019/01/10,"My peer support group leader retired and now I feel helpless! Due to my work schedule I was unable to go to group for the last month or so, and when I went for a follow up with my psychiatrist she informed me that our peer support group leader had retired and they wouldn't be having our group anymore. In all honesty, this group helped me almost more than my regular DBT through my counselor. I feel lost without these people and I only have one person from the group I can contact to see if there are any more local groups I can attend since I finally have some time off. Any suggestions for online peer support groups or any in my area would be appreciated...I feel really alone. ",8.945227272727275,7.041888522727272,8.365757575757577,74.26863636363636,61.5,10.618181818181819,36.39393939393939,8.841846274778883,3.04779393939394,543,19,101,6,6,172,85,132,0.057,0.856,0.087,0.6122,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,2,4,5,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,1,18,23,9,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,4,4,20,3,16,15,4,18,0,2,1,0,17,6,0,5,8,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497610160764973,0.18097714760771103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35648601311641304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329436608391247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650602207876626,0.0,0.0,0.191418289427382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930833342837156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712402506245698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424357976712576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074851536184148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947518929924566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840782710098224,0.13289706134645066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114218298650645,0.1525755589363572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119424276177502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924454576337025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445460998940194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948760352436263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189185243689068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198502035801407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844238578656318,0.0,0.12721224333116174,0.0,0.0,0.12412973816873896,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tallshortguy16,2019/01/10,"SO with BPD First week as an IT intern Hi all,

I'm new to this sub reddit but I don't know where else to go. My girlfriend of 6 years, diagnosed with BPD at 21 years old in 2014, is in her last semester as a programming student in a technical program.

She started her internship on Monday and is feeling a huge amount of self-doubt, uselessness and she is questioning her existence. I have done everything I can to convince her that she's doing fine and trying to make her feel better in every way I can.

It doesn't seem to be working. I don't know what to do. She needs to finish school for our future. I have been supporting her financially for the last 5 years and if this doesn't work out, I don't know what I'll do.

I love her more than anything in the world.does anyone have any advice for me? Anything useful will be greatly appreciated. ",4.066754385964914,5.057753058479534,5.217792397660818,83.03440789473686,71.046783625731,8.50701754385965,27.700292397660817,8.841846274778883,2.0092959064327487,667,23,136,12,12,221,107,171,0.028999999999999998,0.79,0.18100000000000002,0.9811,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,6,0,21,2,0,2,1,20,35,9,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,2,22,6,25,30,3,25,0,1,0,1,16,10,0,3,13,92,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926787208492884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387686641103397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680802595406903,0.0,0.2514044107687042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509707970630586,0.0,0.0,0.3847725872220157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504046507684274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631873414467926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127605024904849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287004805827598,0.0,0.13728400270908594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154472400781951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993110878843128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681270601497057,0.0,0.0,0.16841005427776914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25184616370783897,0.24902717833164384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786499995192106,0.0,0.101963409517875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326396505577675,0.0,0.1475292145370174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602879423836493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111764094721302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459357836691154,0.0,0.13906004303864988,0.1593540615968597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811893108956036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733416071613123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037088489831366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192902424277675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124774077168393,0.12252875704239236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224111250397436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951026017590828
bpd,only_a_paper_moon,2019/01/10,"DAE have no sex drive whatsoever? So I'm a bit of a weird case. I was born with an extra chromosome, which means that I've never produced enough hormones to be able to get horny. I've never initiated sex in my life, I've never pursued another person for sex, and I don't think about sex when I'm alone. It's just not in me. Despite all that, I've had a fairly active sex life. It's something that all of my partners have wanted, so I just kind of do it for them. While it's totally satisfying to know that I made my partner feel good, it ultimately feels a bit like a chore that I do for others.

Everything that I've read or heard from others with BPD, makes sex seem so central to the typical BPD narrative that I often wonder if I'm alone.",4.808589743589742,4.4286047307692336,6.2982051282051295,80.78012820512821,69.0,9.497435897435896,28.871794871794872,9.150863307647796,2.1189025641025645,582,18,126,10,9,200,91,156,0.055,0.866,0.079,0.6697,0,2,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,0,7,0,8,8,0,3,6,26,23,8,0,2,5,0,2,1,2,0,2,1,1,3,15,3,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,3,11,3,16,18,7,9,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,5,7,78,26,2,0.162225720317602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360338430632528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010781247412984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542169409872573,0.0,0.4086352315189185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762253475659494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579801704662942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405239706017175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475624324626106,0.0,0.0,0.13606723745523594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893312374435476,0.08915501331744886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291696476896841,0.0792552926095325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350189901833533,0.10828692801536233,0.0,0.0,0.1767113675254204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753554292220867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164924164359916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226962090143715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476842030051929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248892851320977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039476911920306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568493296680336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759268735985192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ecbatic,2019/01/10,"DAE feel it’s practically impossible to stop thinking about things once you’ve spiralled? having a hard time right now. i’m obviously very jealous due to this disorder and it prompts me to do certain things. for example. about a week and a half ago i was curious as to what instagram accounts my boyfriend was following because i have had problems with it in the past w/ my other boyfriend who cheated on me, used tinder our whole relationship, liked gross photos on instagram, etc. i literally remember thinking in my head “don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it” because i knew i’d spiral and make more of it than it was, and sure enough he’s following 2 models. they aren’t specifically as revealing as the ones my ex used to follow but oh my god. i know it’s not a big deal and our relationship is strong and secure, but with weight gain due to the holidays, i felt really crappy about it due to my self esteem. he came to visit me (10 hrs on a bus) for the holidays and stayed for 11 days, we had the best visit, it was great! but the second to last day i knew i wanted to talk about the instagram thing. i brought it up because i was feeling realllly bad about myself and insecure and he understood where i was coming from and explained that they’re just accounts he follows and it doesn’t mean anything, but didn’t offer to unfollow them or anything. i did tell him directly “this makes me feel like shit” and “i feel very insecure” but i didn’t directly ask for him to unfollow. can anyone help me stop spiralling and give me some advice on where to proceed? i feel weird bringing it up again but i want to stop dwelling and i think the only way i can stop doing so is if he unfollows them. idk. need help! has anyone else been in this position before?",2.717264285714286,4.811882365714286,4.2516250000000015,84.06143750000003,76.77142857142857,7.803571428571428,26.36607142857143,8.660442795831766,2.025435714285716,1388,54,277,30,32,462,186,350,0.125,0.7290000000000001,0.146,0.8786,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,3,0,3,3,11,18,3,3,13,0,29,3,2,4,3,62,62,26,0,5,10,1,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,24,19,1,5,17,2,2,10,8,10,0,3,18,8,39,8,40,44,6,42,0,0,0,0,29,13,1,3,19,183,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343741520252524,0.09383147102452996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480284534542998,0.10845795209614677,0.17421446462124707,0.0,0.09895739406419676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838205485658229,0.1935793134578664,0.0,0.0900723130060475,0.0,0.11108521420959938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106656582238873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911821833045788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365316531329491,0.1091288335671306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131563986280827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842581969348061,0.0,0.0,0.10937348169187434,0.1180530359099264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676099289457685,0.07562073811910586,0.10163458454944838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154294841954856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670227802737106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482266094842186,0.0,0.10863475950087743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419008190591476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817352798640432,0.0862835628391206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342794669941352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131415392275073,0.0,0.0,0.1153039330234041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784879667494208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272899717052536,0.07172810036063684,0.08050526715402287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010477757688406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128613289235383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781154488994676,0.0,0.0,0.2272910127694858,0.11990975776589535,0.09039708721560892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042679180302603,0.0,0.10865562607731627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128242198099876,0.0,0.35398827243856945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976432084088484,0.0,0.0,0.08507988219166282,0.09251937254872264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097023033424486,0.2034771920615559,0.0,0.0,0.06172319175565605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828444000340507,0.0,0.17467808270287438,0.12486858380025948,0.08402044411427705,0.08490814359055192,0.1288993014114097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818005308544688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cat12mc,2019/01/10,"How to distinguish infatuation and love This is a good question. 

I’ve found myself fall...

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/aedq0v/how_do_you_distinguish_genuine_love_for_someone/edofnox?utm_source=reddit-android",37.09215686274511,48.49850252941177,17.161176470588234,-17.881372549019574,23.70588235294117,9.325490196078432,29.196078431372552,8.841846274778883,4.230701960784313,201,4,12,3,3,44,17,17,0.0,0.58,0.42,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5499320230241608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420682720680845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526753183112481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5618593015737359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Butt3rBr0t_582,2019/01/10,"My cat just triggered me :( Wow I would not have thought that this could happen.
I was recently doing so fucking fine that it seemend that nothing could stop me. I started doing sport, to eat properly and gain weight and nothing could go wrong. Now today, I lie here on my bed, because I waited for my phone to be charged and read something on Wikipedia when my cat came and wanted to cuddle. Nice isn't it? So I gave her my love and attention. Then she seemed to have enough and sat down some space away and didn't even look at me anymore, not seeming to want me to pet her :(
And it might sound ridiculous, but that broke me so down that I really want to cry, because she reminded me of when my ex, which I loved more than anything else, broke up with me out of nowhere and how everything I ever loved always left. I don't want to feel this anymore, I thought I suffered enough of this T_T",4.37683520599251,5.162393106741575,4.315224719101124,90.54433520599251,70.17977528089888,7.281647940074906,28.87827715355805,7.1686216300943375,1.3417625468164784,695,25,149,6,12,213,107,178,0.138,0.737,0.126,-0.094,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,11,12,2,0,0,0,14,7,0,2,1,37,35,17,0,8,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,12,12,2,2,6,2,0,2,5,6,0,0,7,4,29,6,22,22,4,21,0,3,1,5,10,10,1,4,9,105,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750623706741774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562669106397634,0.0,0.0,0.10632206213776464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138933211191162,0.0,0.0,0.15752042050621592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777242477722394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30947134143791394,0.0,0.1419220963611464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322056835396404,0.10793151437192894,0.0,0.0,0.26699996792915864,0.0,0.0853365618967767,0.11687041344000808,0.0,0.0,0.1161182353318798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532830567407362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119444970311697,0.0,0.0,0.07342835310684369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425271370174425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403781198029331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849696092382616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34982897189492984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370626786015683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479451987681761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923675101165308,0.0,0.08276997326394707,0.0,0.12757117781372185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352409091253075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946584799408567,0.0,0.0,0.0914496899590906,0.0,0.0,0.10801847934980073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051435740715825,0.0,0.0,0.12246818707168344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048262463103581,0.0,0.0,0.15733296961275306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178124262742124,0.14126187183747407,0.0,0.0
bpd,garviel3468,2019/01/10,"LF compliments for my girlfriend with BPD and any reading material, forums, or documentaries for a better understanding Ive read a 2 books on BPD; stop walking on egg shells and i hate you dont leave along with a lot of research. Im wondering what else i could do to get a better understanding before we go to therapy together. 

Also ive read that people with BPD feel like people only like their appearance and not their personality and sex isnt very meaningful. Being long distance she sends me nudes and we video call and have phone sex. I really enjoy it because its the closest i get to being intimate with her, i dont look at other women or watch porn. I dont want her to feel objectified if i could get some peoples opinion on that it that would be great. Also what are some compliments that mean a lot to you? I want to tell her things that let her know that i love her for who she is and that she really is a great person
",4.9749821746880585,5.536963534759361,6.262901069518716,77.91631238859179,68.73262032085562,9.655793226381462,27.88279857397505,9.725611199111238,2.4108541889483064,739,23,147,16,12,250,106,187,0.055,0.772,0.17300000000000001,0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,2,2,2,2,11,1,0,7,0,18,6,1,0,0,38,35,12,0,6,4,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,15,14,1,1,8,5,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,4,27,10,19,28,4,11,0,0,2,5,24,5,0,10,4,101,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935099552081456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200483698668328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454598077405184,0.0,0.09009959297373156,0.0,0.0,0.18729181073171508,0.0,0.0,0.4000720522830871,0.0,0.1081195317795294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907971838722868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37228622325659344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884526009920081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707639170817836,0.07564364117580873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596025777462287,0.0,0.0601763892284378,0.0,0.0,0.2334752466869019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453865372605944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437302649924283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819114685185337,0.0,0.0,0.11211600157305353,0.0,0.10827369328337974,0.0,0.10345927165321372,0.0,0.0,0.09370412003226886,0.08891599871720744,0.0,0.0,0.18003779590940475,0.0955645582186403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533885482636162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052964957535817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202201639191737,0.18490787035355927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177383409449409,0.0,0.13566416559312552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852387098699276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925473936509798,0.0,0.12108772662200848,0.0,0.0703447087801318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204582199201741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736549350022865,0.12490640242417557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482681854700905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521704554888928,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lializzy,2019/01/10,"One of my friends just told me that our friendship group is having a birthday party tonight, and I’m not invited. I’m not sure why, I haven’t had a fall out with anybody.

I messaged somebody in the group privately and asked if there were any issues that I’m not aware of that I need to sort out, and told her that I was taken aback but not upset. 

Obviously, I was actually upset. I had a cry to my SO and was a bit shaken by it for a couple of hours, but the right thing to do here is to be reasonable and not let on to something like that actually making me cry, right?

Does anyone here have a method of breaking that “everyone hates me and I don’t know why, it must be because I’m a shit person” thought cycle? I don’t want that to bleed into how I try to resolve this, because I’d feel like I was emotionally manipulating my friends by letting on to that thought spiral. It’s so hard to differentiate between what is a reasonable response to have and what is irrational.",7.6968611111111125,5.358198474999998,8.357666666666667,74.72244444444449,64.25,11.288888888888893,37.22222222222222,9.725611199111238,3.314705555555556,765,30,161,12,9,259,107,200,0.138,0.7340000000000001,0.128,-0.6235,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,7,10,2,2,10,0,23,2,1,5,3,36,39,13,0,4,9,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,15,11,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,12,2,18,6,25,22,1,12,0,0,0,0,11,8,1,2,4,114,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.26983803181323124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401959003648122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667260054872752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292517540307145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685605274546011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094097863647668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297888562451314,0.3037379324308438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098974693022607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552066333735573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211061343368166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069906959534194,0.09877092192475252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136342327103286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385123279916213,0.1365002932804016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615542413722442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430452430696336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598250339453952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827545670611477,0.0,0.13509090101970594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092287708445681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251591069673728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368661000600984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072079385705485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843027144716633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23614166869239026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191895803852547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643709398262208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030570964714494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185189436602458,0.0,0.0,0.21952143689245324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642212268673633,0.0,0.09386751643014632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154763791094079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24951111219374886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mcguinness92,2019/01/10,"Single and BPD I’ve been in in long term relationships for the past 8 years. I’ve been single for 8 months and this is the longest I’ve been single. I feel so lost not having someone around, I don’t know what my personality is or what I want and I either feel miserable and want to die or I feel manic and go out and socialise but completely embarrass myself :( boyfriends in the past put up with my mental health and usually said the They things I wanted to hear. Going through it alone is really hard. Does anyone have any advice?",3.2100209643605875,5.095531867924528,4.36559748427673,84.74093291404613,74.66037735849056,7.352620545073376,22.155136268343817,8.167268648758528,1.1266972746331243,422,11,84,7,9,138,69,106,0.174,0.805,0.022000000000000002,-0.9457,0,3,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,2,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,22,21,11,1,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,5,6,10,0,12,16,5,16,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,2,7,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705490284382221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076079677961635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118686616189778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203567185245688,0.0,0.0,0.1553690052978838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981485367138687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299174104916616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811349382693763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527326767882549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647433520613046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837922869995991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634490350533706,0.0,0.0,0.1855175901531068,0.19670837780691955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591731057354153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445385886683696,0.0,0.0,0.190520483260541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588553287842554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930845237636655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332179163502213,0.0,0.1523931610537558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545119743553172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180860499299253,0.0,0.0,0.18738026914476189,0.0,0.0,0.166018320510764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787899082103195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595020281086513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222051219408454,0.0,0.3088275496041842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239181684269207
bpd,LettieAC,2019/01/10,"Was she ever truly a friend? Sometimes I don't know if things are a Me Problem or a Them Problem or a Real Problem. I'm pretty sure this time it's a combination of a Real Problem caused by Them.

My self-professed open, honest best friend has recently been exposed as deceiving me for almost a year and a half. When I found out and asked about it, her attitude was very dismissive and almost gaslighting. Like *I'm* wrong for being upset over an ""open, honest bffs"" deceit. So I terminated our ""friendship"" since there's nothing to fix when she obliterated my trust to smithereens. 

I've been trying to deal with this for a couple of weeks now. On the one hand, our friendship is just another thing of many that I've lost since late 2017. Which sucks. But on the other hand, I am not coping so well with this betrayal. 

I don't think I'm the shitty friend this time, but I keep wondering if I did something that pushed her to be a shitty friend to me. But I'll never get an honest response from her; she already proved that. It just hurts, really, that I clearly valued our friendship more than she did. And it hurts not being 100% certain if any of this *is* somehow my fault. 

But mostly....mostly I just feel deeply hurt and betrayed by someone I was stupid enough to trust.",3.6728313253012033,5.389339365461846,4.3353795180722905,86.1548765060241,73.01606425702812,6.7470682730923714,24.899799196787143,7.365786028017652,1.1284873895582326,998,31,194,11,20,318,140,249,0.209,0.599,0.192,-0.7014,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,3,0,2,2,14,27,2,1,15,0,17,2,2,1,6,46,30,19,0,7,14,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,17,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,13,1,2,9,3,28,14,25,18,3,18,0,4,0,0,18,6,1,9,12,136,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231339178575072,0.0,0.12295024822028855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576665235731289,0.11682931612471045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041588536008104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169241437033616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445485004683853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123279606309964,0.0,0.0,0.11486493057579915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512243804605818,0.0,0.0,0.10078208649249204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633524139308455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216181541862585,0.3443186815663452,0.0,0.05821022439675541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578191691660283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903159697707133,0.0,0.0,0.061231280818163876,0.0,0.1256820208852879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443219508947403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162364793572987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295826461771966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593083304425475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690658881120296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754983169795383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133500545758828,0.0,0.4264399881380424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253631438580823,0.0713758971063309,0.0,0.1100097886020682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623111289245247,0.0,0.0,0.1843288156727632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440235511114327,0.0857734254592564,0.1101932027113764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500819456006304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803958507138518,0.07139082854618692,0.0,0.0,0.12993504840439554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564410227961707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192980987209383,0.0,0.0,0.08937113776488041,0.0,0.1001763007156604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082582235074685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181582803181926,0.0,0.07174820538240641
bpd,germfactory,2019/01/10,"Not sure who to be without FP My FP, a guy who I was with for four months and friends with about a year before that, dumped me and blocked me on all social media.

I spent the last few months try to be who I thought he wanted. I dressed the way I thought he wanted me to dress, listened to the music he liked, I went to parties with him even though I hate them, ect. Now I don't know who to be, I don't even remember what I liked before him. The girls I'm currently friends with didn't even know me before I liked him. They don't know the me without him and I guess neither do I. ",1.0065584415584397,2.4756508968254,2.2693362193362208,99.19435064935068,79.71428571428572,5.2167388167388165,21.772005772005773,5.565023196281405,-0.19519682539682529,447,13,111,2,11,143,65,126,0.084,0.777,0.139,0.7807,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,6,8,2,0,7,0,9,0,0,0,2,22,22,4,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,6,7,0,1,6,0,1,1,8,2,0,1,6,1,25,6,15,13,3,9,0,0,0,0,19,1,0,1,9,75,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127650795707375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203890011060513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498463608690173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812245542889055,0.1601009399070231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963781225972531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665858142957484,0.1318009219197955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369842808763837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25812273087425003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316601796094129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482508331893272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239321405918088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886200437679812,0.25673147718177186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977855508618066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074078448035006,0.12834393515970435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989051467004427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31173149025750624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412463205382597
bpd,hypo_t96,2019/01/10,"There isn't a future for me here.    Shitty life story while being extremely fucking sad alert - I don't know how to start this. The past six hours have consisted of me sobbing, crying, breaking down and making bad decisions. According to everyone around me I'm fortunate and should be thankful but I don't see a life worth living anymore. BPD has destroyed me. I don't have the strength to get help but I'm too weak to die. I'm only fifteen. The sadness, anxiety, panic, hopelessness, apathy and self-destruction I've gone through I don't want anyone to ever have to experience. 

   The last four years of my life (the only ones I can really remember) I spent completely socially isolated. Living a shell of myself. Never showing real emotion in an attempt to ""fit in"" so that I would be accepted. I was bullied almost constantly throughout middle school and stayed up until 2 AM in 6th grade every night trying to get the will to commit suicide. I hated myself and I still do. Overeating was one of the ways I coped. No real friends, no one to talk to, completely alone. All I wanted was for someone to care about me, to be loved. I had ""love"" from my family and parents but I could never open up to them. They ""care"" but only because they have to. I had ""friends"" but they never saw the real me. I drowned out the days with video games, YouTube and sleep. Looking back, I don't know how I survived 6th grade let alone middle school. I don't have a single happy memory.

   I only have faint memories of my younger childhood. The memories I have with my mother are distinct. These memories were never happy and consisted of me doing something wrong, feeling horrible about it, apologizing and getting shamed/yelled at. My father cared about me but would always support my mother over me. What I thought or how I saw things or what I did was always wrong. I became isolated within my own family. This led to me learning to defend myself whenever I was accused of doing something wrong. I still do this, making attempts to justify my mistakes because I'm afraid of being wrong. A few weeks ago I was yelled at in front of my whole family by my mother because my grandmother who lives with us threw out the food I spent six hours preparing and apologized with ""oh, I'm sorry, it's whatever."" I tried to defend how I felt. Instant mistake. ""Why can't you just say sorry?"" ""Why can't you just admit to being wrong?"" ""It's not that hard."" I spent hours trying to justify how I acted to my father. Reflecting on this led me to realize that I only act this way because of how I was raised. I learned maladaptive behaviors as a result of how I was treated by my parents and I keep getting blamed for them. I've been working on avoiding these behaviors but of course, when I do this in front of my parents, I get shamed and humiliated. The connection I thought I had with my family is gone, especially with my mother. 

   I don't know if I classify as a high-functioning borderline, a low-functioning borderline or something else entirely. I couldn't live with myself if I had bad grades or made bad decisions in school because my parents would be disappointed in me. The shame and humiliation from that would destroy me even more. It takes an immense amount of energy to get up in the morning, let alone go to school, sit through six hours of classes and come home. When I get home I usually end up sitting for hours being completely unproductive or talking to a few specific people who I enjoy talking to. Interacting with others is incredibly hard as I have a huge fear of not wanting to ""screw anything up"" or be awkward. This fear plagues me, especially when I'm in the company of the few people I REALLY care about. Crippling anxiety after social interactions because I perceive myself as too awkward or because I think I said something wrong is common. This has led to me destroying my own self image to try to force myself to realize how I am worthless. 

   About two months ago I got hit with the largest stroke of luck I will ever have in my life. I started talking to a girl who I sat next to in one of my classes. We didn't instantly ""hit it off"" or fall into romance. My extreme lack of confidence held me back from talking to her and I was still living as a shell of myself. She opened my eyes. We started talking and talking and talking. It took so much effort from me and so much anxiety but I started to tell her about myself. What I truly am. I was incredibly scared that she wouldn't like me anymore, wouldn't accept me, wouldn't want me. I thought she was perfect and that she didn't have any mental/emotional issues like I do. The exact opposite happened. She had been through depression and dealt with serious mental health problems like I do. She understood how I felt and truly cared about me. I hadn't ever felt the feeling of someone caring about me before. It broke me (I think for the better).

   This beautiful girl opened my eyes and showed me that there was another life to live. That I could start to be myself and that I would be accepted. She cared about me no matter what part of the emotional rollercoaster I was on. I cared for her too. I wish I showed it more. I cared about her more than I cared about anyone else in the world because she cared about me. She saw a part of me no one had ever seen before and loved me for it. I started to show more of myself. I was held back by the fear of abandonment that is commonly associated with BPD. This fear plagued me. It took an incredible amount of energy from me to show her who I truly was because I was afraid she wouldn't want me. She still loved me. I cried tears of happiness every time I told her more about myself and she still loved me. I loved her so much. There was nothing that made me happy in life until she appeared. I wanted to be perfect for her.

   We talked more and more and more. I started to feel comfortable around her. This feeling was new and it felt incredible. Knowing that you can tell someone something and they will still love you, the fear of abandonment not constantly chaining you down, is beautiful. We became romantic. We experienced every emotion together. I loved her through all of it and she loved me too. Even with feeling comfortable around her I still struggled with the fear of abandonment. I never wanted to upset her and I wanted her to love me as much as possible. This was the most beautiful time of my life. I could feel true happiness. The first hug she ever gave me was like euphoria. The first kiss, even with almost no experience from either of us, was beautiful. She was beautiful. I felt like I finally found happiness. I loved her so much and I still do.

   About six hours ago she told me that something had gone wrong and that it wasn't my fault. She just didn't want to move as quickly as we were and we could ""still be friends."" No more relationship. She told me she loved me and she wanted to show me. I believed it. That was my biggest mistake. I believed someone truly loved me and that I was accepted. It took months for me to believe it and when I finally did, it vanished. Sobbing on my bathroom floor. What did I do wrong? She says I did nothing wrong, that I was perfect. It's not true, no matter how many times she says it. I can't accept it. I was dependent on her and I knew this. I knew it was unhealthy and I tried my best to avoid it but I failed. She was the person that made my life worth living. All of the pain, suffering, sadness, and anxiety was worth it for her. I just want her to be happy. I love her more than myself and I love her enough to let her go.

   If I didn't have another friend that cared about me I would be dead right now. I was talking to someone else while I sobbed, hyperventilated and broke down in my bathroom. They say they care about me, that I'm good enough. I want to believe it. I really really really want to believe it. But the last time I believed something I lost it. I can't go on. What's the point of life if you lose the only thing that makes you happy? I don't have the strength to find someone else. I'm going to make bad decisions in an attempt to not commit suicide tonight. The friend of mine that says they care about me, that I desperately want to believe, wants to talk to me after school and listen to me about everything. They know how I am feeling right now. I'm going to skip the start of school if I make it to tomorrow. If I'm not dead in the next hour I will probably be tomorrow. I've spent my whole life running from myself, my BPD. I've looked everywhere for something worth living for. I found it. I found them. I found them and I wasn't good enough for them. 

   If you read this far, do me a favor and don't end up like me. I wish you all the best and I hope none of you ever have to deal with pain like this ever again. I love you all, hopefully I'll see you in the morning. ",2.57658404042002,4.823118537047679,3.895107636536234,85.70493772936611,77.87421022400919,7.087923177195293,25.244219200886,8.110926066622945,1.649118918509907,6947,258,1359,127,167,2275,475,1741,0.20800000000000002,0.623,0.16899999999999998,-0.9963,6,5,8,0,0,7,212.0,9,12,13,19,79,145,6,18,57,0,142,40,3,24,26,268,300,104,6,47,36,10,15,7,5,15,16,8,2,4,81,78,1,8,46,9,8,24,45,65,0,13,95,34,306,80,220,164,41,176,0,19,10,20,152,58,5,23,95,1007,387,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087634417453459,0.0,0.0458454704697886,0.07112670587689976,0.0,0.0,0.03809546371768719,0.0,0.0,0.01556714396714951,0.0480078960099773,0.07004836476780986,0.0,0.04540483911737469,0.03201282391971385,0.02345525635190545,0.01883792220361538,0.0611354106592167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052806922938696835,0.07645446787457671,0.12559113464234664,0.0,0.03895830874425978,0.18053778242841945,0.0480468628779328,0.020245852247870115,0.0,0.0,0.08649390090662376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267546557193624,0.0,0.0,0.019719176351766204,0.0720045495228397,0.04947560001167195,0.0,0.07310865292413253,0.0,0.05029092469559377,0.014763255540469169,0.0236003420425307,0.019716591437377792,0.0,0.02375797501052165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649232643446319,0.1030003451450836,0.040550510922451724,0.07095974988286245,0.0,0.045359264534933136,0.14494800029406835,0.05786174474917556,0.02187400453578417,0.020573587829483042,0.04478495891106665,0.08632104631290105,0.1545571901885767,0.08102313486652757,0.0,0.10989813050837667,0.05015348641723783,0.020922603083458696,0.038943344099683495,0.02768073980016398,0.1003982891545316,0.08843037008624445,0.021163011825611342,0.08371979502138263,0.0,0.06504941568825195,0.038400951085708034,0.018308587188217974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020243058580604108,0.1949491598406313,0.041012941467738914,0.02260081878925059,0.0,0.024332811289642115,0.0,0.0,0.015343826908271053,0.024186342517324138,0.045924491933592035,0.04547325529817221,0.15780602340863614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023892991919299784,0.0,0.020347198661602218,0.0,0.0,0.06290341028227547,0.03731958876658925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702249560613164,0.16169087790430958,0.07828611318166782,0.0,0.16171035489114585,0.0,0.03844653250918796,0.025609961727969654,0.024988999491445413,0.0,0.33057051124979203,0.06498205254265152,0.07640195214714234,0.023208595244391717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04613890765373552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654388007011805,0.024330258972518552,0.08414018335610858,0.0,0.0882774682262895,0.022108950735678784,0.04869117461382292,0.021482313832332983,0.0,0.04393041548707733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756005664308087,0.104461036315842,0.048716774887081066,0.026858482794542525,0.10167411464557777,0.04957897012251032,0.021852722079308197,0.03174045096288053,0.0199881532888216,0.0,0.0,0.021640059890125997,0.02580695714460408,0.0,0.0,0.024681129093814484,0.02190426949770633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022897899198484426,0.07816731364273792,0.07332506000124603,0.0,0.0,0.024577123520949776,0.025931838589398213,0.03909878092162485,0.021775253011198575,0.09102201063629732,0.02291858957266873,0.13900576176288415,0.03648344918089448,0.0,0.04776208032330138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02290823649330384,0.04667041958647722,0.11637640099942714,0.14098521934244446,0.0,0.05125077775984745,0.12962292945461598,0.024399511028947458,0.16453210218146422,0.0,0.0,0.0239313797379577,0.0,0.05007961823150926,0.02597723484938116,0.0,0.0,0.01721171278462555,0.20239433342508145,0.04001671723847403,0.021075605793943148,0.0,0.0,0.030416462413769274,0.02933615967804635,0.0,0.05452036874423243,0.05339334765249229,0.0,0.0,0.0656220136073525,0.0763005775775678,0.0777098231091983,0.0,0.022361868882733817,0.0,0.05507180357144848,0.0,0.02521197825692371,0.0,0.20253180518783706,0.03634073882852392,0.0183623444458486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041312405248912006,0.051115540856675135,0.052648660589678466,0.0,0.0,0.01666543342619357,0.0,0.0,0.0975696599710172,0.2252563662381797,0.0,0.01474150708553417
bpd,BudgetBread,2019/01/10,"Help! So, i need help with my friend. I don't know what is what anymore. I have BPD and my friend does not. I get so upset by such little things and then she gets defensive. And, even though I have BPD and am difficult at times, I also think that sometimes she could handle things a bit better too? Does anyone have any advice/any experiences they would be able to share? ",1.5894594594594622,3.9637730135135136,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,82.37837837837839,5.321621621621622,16.006756756756758,6.6274283507984215,-0.4073189189189193,289,5,62,3,8,90,54,74,0.073,0.693,0.23399999999999999,0.9014,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,1,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,14,9,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,11,4,4,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,43,16,0,0.1811553258859883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486984866140828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463836673665869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965740539073793,0.12666801593060872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602171643147491,0.1977746970494481,0.0,0.4563175826211687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446377869769344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170604929340535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965138423112626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720466969817247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799203108085983,0.0,0.1892923617301708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24284919270199185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955822948588043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156522774947545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343243787336608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916724943093112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407030979361677,0.1160770180962802,0.1779841879071558,0.0,0.10563312733666012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868754590918902,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pastelToro,2019/01/10,"Anyone else have really bad problems with just the idea of your s/o looking at nudity? It's so bad that I look at the parents guide for movies before we watch them to make sure there's no nudity, and if there is a have a full fledged breakdown and threaten to hurt myself. We've been together 2 and a half years, and he told me he doesn't watch porn at all. One time he admitted to watching it about a year ago when we got into a fight, now every time we fight I get super paranoid and jealous to the point of tears thinking he'll do it again. Ive had him show me how browsing history many times but it still isn't enough because he could just hide it. This is something that tears me apart everyday. And Im sure he thinks I don't trust him, I do, I just get really bad thoughts. I feel so fucking manipulative, I know I am. Sorry if this post is all over the place, I just needed to get it out. ",3.8145087719298254,3.9621880473684246,4.931315789473687,87.90837719298248,71.15789473684211,8.228070175438598,26.35964912280702,8.07648339933343,1.3004912280701753,699,20,160,9,12,231,116,190,0.188,0.768,0.044000000000000004,-0.9693,1,0,1,0,2,2,17.0,3,1,1,1,14,13,4,0,9,0,15,2,0,3,4,36,32,13,0,5,7,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,9,0,2,5,6,21,4,16,25,4,22,0,1,5,2,18,10,1,2,11,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952088102538986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216601902795794,0.14971063925908248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659962319742249,0.08906948792904941,0.0,0.12433190281635992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166598117755502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205915506853525,0.0,0.0,0.15097439648838626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310700090815264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387942102951071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507965896959415,0.22901495955734574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686038518423993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641761946008584,0.1649444574403997,0.15782774978420494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030020754107649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453972309186906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753195552400172,0.14813624623040705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834137515140177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901034963587586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224184966597166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265760224466945,0.0,0.13812457008138404,0.0,0.13993642913133114,0.0,0.0,0.13981097199726125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720821366090645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248537959447964,0.0,0.16356220085244585,0.0,0.0,0.11668650124808864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27542065767748725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724737657578608,0.0,0.11599786894785387,0.2556000270037874,0.0,0.0,0.1396177962447331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881847221199376
bpd,fpthrowaways,2019/01/10,"FP dumped me with a text ""as you probably guessed i met a girl lol"" He ignored me for two days, then denied ignoring me. He made me feel like I was being crazy for even thinking he was ignoring me. After I apologized for being weird and clingy for assuming he hated me for not texting me back for two days, he admitted it. Just an ""I'm sorry"" and ""As you probably guessed I met a girl lol"" LOL SO FUNNY. 

After I told him he should just go back to dating his cheating ex since they clearly deserve each he other, he replied ""Wow."" and blocked me on snapchat, twitter and instagram. He doesn't even have the girl that cheated on him blocked.

I just want an explanation. When did he meet her? Last week? Last month? We were fine on NYE's. We were great on NYE's. I know what I said would hurt him and that's why I said it, because he hurt me but I regret it now, I wish I could have been cool about it so we could have tried to be friends.",0.4595032802249293,2.666064865979384,2.0212558575445168,96.27732895970013,85.90721649484536,5.382942830365511,21.704779756326147,6.782984794422108,0.3872865979381453,720,25,165,9,22,233,109,194,0.155,0.695,0.15,0.4653,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,2,1,0,12,17,4,0,6,4,17,0,0,1,1,36,34,12,0,7,5,1,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,3,8,10,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,11,0,2,12,4,32,6,18,15,1,19,0,3,0,0,35,4,0,3,15,103,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263021419903086,0.0,0.08970270437694522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349783489652075,0.0,0.0,0.1898021792769646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438547357279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744046476322972,0.10512566547159988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368953758626266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363006942797271,0.0,0.0,0.16223598109232676,0.3242097987099636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528247675062622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315059260000471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087108106203983,0.2398976045019967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189120336283734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923910789500474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174555987588767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173102352784454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27995115741940424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172594134205827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472500394295322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428928164331674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406103727943093,0.0,0.09990678368278474,0.0,0.28749292017699085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679426632825976,0.0,0.11803673596594713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278210429133136,0.0,0.1692179358499515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453280467761787,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RUfeelnitnowMRkrabs,2019/01/10,"Does being extremely impatient have any connection to bpd? I have matured quite a bit and have adopted many great coping mechanisms for my mental illnesses. Though, I can't seem to overcome my being so impatient. I become extremely agitated and rageful if I have to wait for the things I want, and it shows. If it's something I want *extremely* bad I even become super emotional- I cry. And I hate it because I know it seems so bratty and manipulative but I feel it so strongly it's almost impossible for me to keep my emotions under control during the time. I feel so bad *after* I throw my tantrum but it's like I HAVE to throw it in order to see things logically.",1.2793880048959636,3.953326689922484,3.70595675234598,80.58554467564261,92.1782945736434,6.746797225622196,24.61893104855161,7.85451343220497,2.139889922480621,529,23,94,13,19,182,73,129,0.19,0.695,0.11599999999999999,-0.8723,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,6,9,3,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,0,22,19,14,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,6,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,3,19,4,12,17,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,67,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301303964681235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070439154406088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184965221432883,0.09923671557686556,0.3595827574971098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772710126190233,0.0,0.20503128667117126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258548143999834,0.0,0.0,0.17881977035615934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246069688012306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662390019060981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075228226796644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462542363618826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947915866994554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607237588180221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469733511890054,0.0,0.0,0.08946642718845291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953212726583175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650459082632375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640564161638471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314972018104385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972443922670118,0.29640011264431865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532551697462385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630402927761305,0.0,0.15994267345171898,0.0,0.09492553799276013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203831102184546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sublimeslime,2019/01/10,"Supervising someone with BPD I'm sorry that the title is a bit misleading.  I am a parole officer and I am assuming a case where the person has been diagnosed with BPD,PTSD, and some other stuff that I will leave out unless absolutely necessary.  I have supervised persons with BPD in the past with success but my methodology may have looked cruel. Essentially I was very cold and business like as this person acted out in order to get attention. 

I am not an expert on the topic, but what are things you have found to be helpful for you in dealing with professionals that have made you feel supported without feeling but also that there were healthy boundaries in place?",9.498048780487807,8.56989404878049,9.289552845528457,64.97384146341464,59.73170731707317,12.427642276422766,39.19918699186992,11.538034831475384,4.6834943089430885,540,23,88,13,6,176,86,123,0.084,0.7929999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.7873,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,3,4,1,0,8,0,16,1,0,1,0,24,24,9,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,4,10,3,18,16,2,12,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,3,2,72,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249533447804799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058490871370546,0.0,0.5903755207605915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108724519811946,0.0,0.15859081155711488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800973888361086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713204388453588,0.0,0.0,0.08163435648663782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047313129189342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544655503066982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633602626228697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121093749751686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784785481146795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915863479826078,0.0,0.4092953242912492,0.16324835477286154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264829228304927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239041062261905,0.0,0.0,0.17490946929321674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886926293799665,0.0,0.1773110403319678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380578658725302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892289883125144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061975717806084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,7515,2019/01/10,"I’m worried I’m becoming a sociopath. I don’t trust my emotions, not even one bit. I’ve learned that lesson so bitterly countless times, from social isolation to people being weirded out by my actions.

Over the years I stopped paying any attention to my emotions, relying solely on reasoning and logic. It sounds great but I feel like I’m becoming devoid of any emotion. I can’t tell the difference between right and wrong. 

Everything is starting to look like a tool, used to fulfill some larger objective. Why should there be anything wrong with murder/war if it gets the job done efficiently?

Stuff like the last sentence is scaring me. I’m 17. 

Please, if anyone has any experience with this, share your stories and any advice you might have. I don’t think this will end well.",4.416164456233421,6.850177958620693,4.873103448275864,79.99108753315653,72.86206896551724,7.771883289124668,31.153846153846153,8.617729084823388,2.794819628647216,624,29,106,12,13,198,106,145,0.12,0.6829999999999999,0.198,0.9129999999999999,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,1,4,12,1,1,6,0,13,0,0,2,0,22,23,7,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,7,0,1,1,4,5,1,1,1,4,11,7,13,17,2,11,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,4,9,62,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276751204011764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35540109845954604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135741926929096,0.0,0.107518409574494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28859764553857353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264205361124116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365072722378902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370602075392293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44090982444568383,0.11572206304627372,0.0,0.0,0.08629677819649653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742481037758228,0.12780622785597906,0.0,0.0,0.06606338689303816,0.0933403722944825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826214782005861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440482379520288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965550243583604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650173588114033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149514982328697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097177805588513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860492280676234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853560224567945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058012794137052,0.0,0.0,0.14342059145411018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433569666046985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157915123430837,0.0,0.0,0.13080902840075428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318690973119374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247869184235442,0.0,0.0,0.10923391505798044,0.0,0.0,0.14956937976398493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419873559747533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837188198760475,0.0,0.0,0.07618631926869626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284447094564658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747505731828466,0.0,0.11789633856773005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326870834300202,0.0,0.0,0.2857027316456928,0.0,0.08413790966094856
bpd,anxious-attachment,2019/01/10,"Was wondering if this sounds like BPD Basically I experience symptoms but I am **unable to receive treatment yet because I am on a waiting list**. **I am reaching out in the hopes that someone can tell me what these symptoms sound like (BPD?) so I can look for CBT or DBT resources or message boards with coping strategies online in the meantime**. 

Please help me with these symptoms if you can:
- **Obsessive thoughts** (about whether or not my father is a child molester — he was accused by my siblings — or I am a pedophile — I don’t have any attraction to minors — because of genetics; about whether or not my husband is going to kill me because I spent a long time in my youth researching true crime and people like Ted Bundy were ‘seemingly out of nowhere’) and **compulsions** (skin picking; cleaning under fingernails; used to clean myself with steel wool; repeating what was last said in a conversation)
- **Can’t remember** most of my childhood (I am only 25) 
- **Derealization** under extreme stress and periods of anxiety (feels like I am dreaming; in a movie; feels like I am watching myself)
- **Irrational beliefs** (my life is The Truman Show; I am clairvoyant; I have special powers; these are not full-blown delusions that I know of — I believe them about 85% and not for prolonged periods, just often) 
- **Flat emotions** (I mostly feel anger and severe anxiety since being on mood stabilizers but before that I had really bad mood swings)
- **Self harm history** (Bulimia, relapse was 3 days ago; cutting for 12 years up until a year ago) 
- **Hyper empathy** (Feels like I absorb other people’s emotions, especially if they’re negative; can’t listen to sad songs or I will have a depressed mood) 
- **Paranoia** (Hyper-vigilant; distrustful of others; think others are always out to get me; always think the worst of others)
- **No relationships** (except with husband; all have blown up; thought all my life *they* were the problem but realized *I* was)
- **Low self esteem** (don’t recognize self in mirror or self in photos?) 
- **Conduct disorder** (criteria is met when I was younger if that matters)
- **Attachment issues** (did not attach to anyone until age 14 and when I did it was anxious attachment which I still struggle with)
- **Highly impulsive** (ex-drug addict and dependent on alcohol; now dependent on spending and attempting to hoard animals)
- **Fears of being left** (always asking my husband if he is going to leave me; if he hates me; if he loves me)

Thank you for reading and any help. ",1.3408598186286973,2.787953288329522,2.729474319857616,82.70054930502586,119.09153318077804,5.462912111195863,25.32776082718875,6.691623216298621,2.146689482159505,1925,93,304,42,108,620,244,437,0.168,0.713,0.11900000000000001,-0.9834,1,0,2,0,0,1,150.0,0,2,2,2,11,32,6,4,13,0,41,9,1,4,3,71,67,33,1,9,26,4,5,6,0,1,7,5,2,5,16,17,1,1,14,4,2,3,11,17,0,0,17,12,44,12,51,47,5,45,1,3,2,1,29,21,0,22,27,213,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962189368340407,0.0,0.0,0.15647840998996904,0.09432555821379793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203239166249522,0.0,0.0,0.12004278356863653,0.0,0.13504083839822728,0.09971127803077698,0.0,0.0617150535339777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251333753399334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369533518231178,0.16141163964549754,0.0,0.07510471790227231,0.09944138935802464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232655839014828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692188282426236,0.0,0.07602019110322919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115624441017892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235624852024716,0.0,0.0,0.1985664192134111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633746724891164,0.0,0.0993196277682464,0.17851228685529275,0.18916381786317849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046113409734586434,0.0,0.1003230000982762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714074990625176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832072065056355,0.09325396765941556,0.0,0.08766438075344958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212291168592812,0.0,0.0,0.0976491596587504,0.0,0.0485066527436183,0.07194555608003593,0.0,0.09345703340668668,0.09589724902513784,0.0,0.12468454780304825,0.2587230137927901,0.0,0.0,0.07810935953235687,0.07411810398079864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966017325470942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712745767774393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223799334466383,0.0,0.0,0.09688550257067532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445510262161869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828618671031149,0.0,0.05654309054031712,0.0,0.0,0.09476068075784773,0.09998398209372868,0.0,0.08395766075947239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035068454741505,0.3683073197714993,0.09971127803077698,0.0,0.07301148802548654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478436178976014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048638813310022,0.0,0.10110416836494042,0.0922709215140812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752149794254469,0.0,0.0,0.0771451419849795,0.08126006897087497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131098380794225,0.0,0.14014081707510026,0.051466457895059985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623029000957042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571670115205573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136760569747806
bpd,i-was-the-fp,2019/01/10,"Do BPs tend to have overweight children? Curious to know whether children of BPs tend to be overweight. If you're a BPD parent, do you bribe your children with food and special treats? Similarly, if you're a child of BPD parents, do you feel that you were?",4.207857142857144,6.143290551020414,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,72.06122448979592,6.53265306122449,32.65816326530612,7.1686216300943375,2.0072816326530614,203,10,39,2,4,62,31,49,0.14,0.764,0.096,-0.327,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,7,10,4,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,6,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,2,0,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6907879078725018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866329112816406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316104396001527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071437892661066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090190886693105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lestrange44,2019/08/10,"I was Diagnosed on my first week of Junior Year. Last Monday began my Junior year experience and on Wednesday I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder. I say ""diagnosed"" but my psychologist already knew I had this illness since February but decided not to tell me so I wouldn't worry. She said she wasn't duty-bound, legally to tell me I have BPD until I turn 18 (Next May) so she was waiting for me to find out because she said she knew I was smart enough to do so.

What my psychologist doesn't know is that I didn't just randomly came across something that was wrong with me... I was doing several quizzes online about how bisexual I was, just for fun (I was 40% lesbian, 60% straight) and I saw a quiz called ""Do you have Borderline Personality disorder?"" My interest was piqued so I clicked out of boredom and became instantly scared for what the quizz was describing and I didn't even finish it because I texted my psychologist and that's when everything went down.

As for how did I take it, I was destroyed. She told me the symptoms and I had it all... Untrusting, Mood Swings, Self Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Black and White Thinking, Body dysmorphia, Fear of Abandonment, Dissociation and derealization, Indecisiveness, Intense emotions and Emptiness.

My psychologist asked me if this made me sad and I said no but my body betrayed me because that second a tear rolled down my eye. 

People might think it's silly to be sad in that moment because they think it's because you're putting a label on yourself, but it's hard not to when 90% of what you are is your illness... that's what they call it ""personality disorder"" isn't it?

I feel really bad for myself because I have a crush and he has been flirting with me this past week and until Wednesday, I felt like I could be happy for once.... but no... I would never put him through the pain of being with someone with BPD, because he is funny, positive, charming and caring... I would feel responsible for the pain he would go through because of being with me.",5.1872932330827055,6.776347999999999,5.912330827067668,76.84631578947369,69.0,9.112781954887216,31.99248120300752,9.516144504307137,3.052853383458648,1600,70,292,35,28,522,188,380,0.18899999999999997,0.7020000000000001,0.109,-0.9896,0,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,0,3,2,1,12,22,1,3,8,0,42,12,3,3,2,60,67,30,0,6,10,0,4,1,0,6,8,4,0,4,21,22,0,2,12,0,0,5,11,12,0,2,31,13,58,9,40,25,2,34,0,3,5,1,29,10,0,5,20,208,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390253930360468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955072060159159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104932601124664,0.4149765401500526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903887989012835,0.21434398919473904,0.0,0.17377948511454722,0.09732403165025903,0.08675825982365984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794005190607091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591036332222109,0.0,0.0,0.2925727782929134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571847538706693,0.0,0.08792409466289246,0.0,0.056203302229674686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764763441328732,0.08323754607232695,0.0,0.0957535859653097,0.086051428047776,0.0,0.08170288350264097,0.0,0.07777370708637876,0.07238029189989675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04836046625458307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058336810255596,0.07622685580133445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676503575117545,0.06936237220911368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041572273441961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051730944064409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027051217707516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656291755741092,0.0,0.09049765789183956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062155529067854,0.0,0.0,0.18109047737259654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123115461573835,0.05899295910097056,0.22290048320681533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108447831986026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545129276302778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428295574889987,0.06766958361158565,0.08519320780246886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877083864954902,0.0961311741412246,0.0,0.07039003218393798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209925144107346,0.06550895644359951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844448904852073,0.06397954897039809,0.0,0.14875053704594007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357299429271918,0.0,0.0675545512834652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131026597341398,0.0,0.0,0.09255704249451924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651337672028746,0.0,0.0,0.07888231370252434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641634610055747,0.0,0.1813434524574712,0.09303613246119084,0.0,0.10959455183552468
bpd,boulevard_,2019/08/10,"My FP is away for two weeks and I will have very limited communication My FP has gone on a two-week holiday where an internet connection and phone signal isn't reliable, meaning that communication is very limited. I feel different when he isn't around, and especially when we can't communicate. The distance triggers my fear of abandonment, I think, and I get upset and start to split for some reason. I also seem to make myself believe that the lack of communication is down to his personal preference, rather than the fact that he genuinely can't really contact me. I know this isn't logical, but I can't stop feeling this way.

Rather than 'seeking support', I guess I'm looking for ways to not miss him so much or worry about him so much. Any tips?",6.27668220668221,7.0077629930069945,7.275198135198134,71.2028826728827,65.92307692307692,11.390520590520591,34.070707070707066,11.20814326018867,4.060083760683761,600,26,110,18,9,202,93,143,0.122,0.836,0.043,-0.8358,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,10,5,0,2,5,0,12,0,0,3,1,31,27,12,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,4,9,1,0,1,7,4,0,1,1,3,17,1,16,25,4,13,0,2,1,0,9,5,0,4,5,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063012846474565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119586536168614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654706291253406,0.0,0.0,0.16522032592951674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981268836259744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372967241251725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978842860065742,0.1778338140281175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091876292387542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937226600911092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966445863765969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476728056273536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738370035091232,0.0,0.0,0.19155621638154827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585453851106523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354865486319225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265637368561485,0.18080687670414533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009059034037332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244701434493811,0.0,0.0,0.14702155497594654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955667792574125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126799407710916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435669956654893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29019541424102185,0.0,0.2791689398827599,0.2821184377619795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858795339112507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayjack9,2019/08/10,"How my BPD came to be My mom left my father while I was really young.

She remarried, had kids with the new husband

Suddenly started treating me and my brother like shit, we were their slaves.

I was neglected and kicked out of my home at 16 years of age. My mother was emotionally unstable at that point in time. 

My younger brother turned 18, moved out of the house, and then moved states.

He passed away from gun violence (police) a year and a half later.

Since I am the only one left and they don't want the rest of the family to blame them for losing me and my brother they decided to reach out and start helping me. 

My whole life I've had the mindset of wow, if my own mother doesn't love me, surely no one can",2.239819628647215,4.133281289655174,3.4082758620689653,90.49315649867377,77.48275862068967,6.944297082228117,22.188328912466847,7.882392219407189,0.9159230769230772,557,16,120,9,13,180,98,145,0.187,0.754,0.059000000000000004,-0.9617,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,1,0,4,1,1,8,1,0,8,0,11,3,1,1,1,19,17,11,0,2,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,13,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,3,0,3,7,0,23,5,18,9,3,27,0,2,0,1,18,10,1,1,13,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617219989558415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093523440592948,0.0,0.0,0.19011509710002933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186978764996842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670047134392384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141592978519352,0.0,0.16673545652211513,0.0,0.0,0.19179929425427591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612040597870406,0.0,0.1174083858426606,0.08120827577806522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596128037307727,0.0,0.0,0.15002295829882242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467864245367736,0.0,0.3533379829612733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605394350129732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527433023694998,0.12642025961572678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713468404456465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648685996568608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706257608104497,0.13750157670834573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353073208692421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666343069157915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096926104364482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080314617844165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804276999463454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855823043711991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408462545734988
bpd,fijiwater321,2019/08/10,"Split on my FP Even tho I may have been starting to make my way into her heart, my impatience and insecurities caused me to flip tf out on her & I don't think this is a relationship I will ever be able to fix. Oh well, onto the next one.",1.826730769230771,2.8419520576923105,4.23,87.89000000000001,76.5,7.507692307692308,20.69230769230769,8.07648339933343,0.5828307692307697,185,4,45,3,4,65,44,52,0.10800000000000001,0.851,0.040999999999999995,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,7,1,1,2,1,8,10,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,9,1,8,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,33,10,0,0.2958312031706182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205329850383936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039001361115819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539371964366745,0.26759625992383673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35056140012889125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746962528332754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146198407037795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004628794401256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176120004680753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939084823901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955668985129295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348170392677689,0.0,0.0,0.26598777954962577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UprisingPlant,2019/08/10,"How do I get into the right state of mind to break up with my boyfriend? Its on-off because I keep going back because I end up regretting it later for 6 out of the 7 months of our relationship he has been cheating, and even after he stopped cheating he has been putting himself above everything (e.g. i have 6 weeks in a country and he went travelling for 3 of those weeks) 

Normally when I break up I am angry at him, and then after I calm down I end up regretting my decision, and then I get angry and frustrated again and unblock him to yell at him, and then his lack of care angers me more and then after I calm down I want him again. its a mess. I want to be in a calm state of mind when I make my decision and I want to prove to myself that its not because of my mental health issues. So how do I get to a stage where I can leave him and not go crawling back?",4.990000000000002,4.141858409836068,5.86175409836066,85.63099180327872,68.72677595628416,9.287213114754099,29.77540983606557,8.548686976883017,1.872956721311476,671,21,154,9,10,222,94,183,0.183,0.743,0.075,-0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,11,11,4,0,6,0,10,1,0,3,1,32,22,19,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,13,0,2,3,1,0,5,2,7,0,0,3,1,30,4,31,18,2,44,0,2,0,0,13,14,0,0,20,112,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552445735297476,0.0,0.3035251233831309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921959979045334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29400400432809204,0.0,0.0,0.10962299531524007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491650060052561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601406889251739,0.0,0.18865151887356174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642056272473847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323173345674248,0.0,0.147523613076305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574047112145308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078765400860212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726082232926573,0.0,0.3351689804456825,0.0,0.13247733295946676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626174018537999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684778492842742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781919035211133,0.0,0.14173925178511046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387600928901476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29368390372636505,0.0,0.2662655869493435,0.0,0.0,0.15385778348271933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwaway13751375,2019/08/10,"Willing to date anyone because I love acceptance > deep infatuation > deep love > annoyance > pure resentment - wtf BPD, how do I date normally?? I’m aware of this cycle, so whenever I enter into a relationship I ask myself, “is this what you really want? Do you really like them? Are you genuinely, LEGITIMATELY attracted to them?” But it doesn’t matter if I say yes to all of that in the beginning, eventually I will HATE whoever I’m dating. I feel as though I overdose on them, realize their flaws, and don’t want to deal with them anymore. They become ugly in every way. Can anyone ever have a normal relationship with bpd??",5.678676470588236,6.7671599243697536,7.762510504201678,65.90326155462185,67.40336134453781,11.664285714285715,30.841386554621852,11.45678717892309,4.111511764705884,497,19,85,17,8,177,82,119,0.126,0.675,0.19899999999999998,0.7786,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,6,0,4,8,3,0,3,1,10,2,0,1,3,18,20,7,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,18,5,13,18,1,13,0,0,0,2,16,6,0,1,6,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321809961881596,0.24425592648703706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328570221369906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647253608796492,0.19290082255174046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399621842048813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006919431620189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579920783936151,0.14716054736180298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831452279133459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244289184168238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533119260587439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152791467925161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422640009714349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237863240086446,0.0,0.0,0.3750439568250121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889849639281976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160485382956106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604073685517973,0.13863882883381526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,havemercyok,2019/08/10,"Is it common description how you feel? I feel like I'm a stranger to myself. And I really mean it. I do not know who I am even when I'm alone, since I do not know who I am inwardly, I have  no outwardly life path neither. I'm 27 and live in my room day after day. Ofcourse it's depression too, but it's rather I don't know where to be, what to do, how to talk. I'm shut in. When I've head relationships people have told me: You have no self-awareness. In fact I have so much self-awareness that I know I'm empty inside, hollow. I can't connect to anyone in that way that it would mean to me too, because I'm hollow. I don't want to live like this, been suicidal for 2 years, eversince I started to hide in my room as a grownup. I talked about that I have no personality thing eversince  I was teenager and I felt it was more serious than just a phase and now, 10 years later I still feel it.",0.6723546344271725,2.3391273264248724,2.8984024179620067,93.37992371905588,81.43523316062176,6.1541738629821525,21.08491652274036,7.1686216300943375,0.38547576280944096,686,20,164,9,18,234,101,193,0.142,0.83,0.028999999999999998,-0.9499,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,0,14,4,0,0,3,0,19,2,1,2,1,24,38,11,1,3,5,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,16,4,0,0,10,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,4,25,2,18,31,3,23,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,0,14,107,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074867609997906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852503992428768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461335408293392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019263542136134,0.0,0.13368041996411414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251341789227043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354334795393221,0.11088062371757064,0.14902401651210245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928818192561695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411930233648098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962799797959953,0.1516535744704818,0.0,0.2741030089183273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33813401796177034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409573589458198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076016822695939,0.13552163589956334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943021689112072,0.0,0.0,0.1666353032787409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238315799289006,0.0,0.0,0.1283896585868664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985701877976553,0.0,0.12394930650188983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697723569029086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24950061683795025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311329628677794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830789195627112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154569764113682,0.1231968832907298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025530758454526,0.0,0.0,0.19989772211461507
bpd,BlueBillieJean,2019/08/10,"Feeling a crippling loneliness. I've been having this insane loneliness lately. I can't stand it. I don't know how to handle it. I get a bit distracted from it when I spend time with my boyfriend but as soon as he is doing something else, I get anxiety over the excruciating feeling of being completely and utterly alone. I have had to take some calming medication jus to be able to stand being in my own body. I'm feeling it all the time and it's really painful ;(",3.211195652173913,5.209704467391305,5.0558695652173915,79.29728260869571,74.97826086956522,8.513043478260869,28.89130434782609,9.188382445141503,2.7083434782608693,369,16,70,9,8,126,65,92,0.233,0.684,0.083,-0.9422,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,11,3,1,1,1,11,19,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,8,1,11,14,4,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,49,14,0,0.24308227275310415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25175992479446696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595727331068565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265382884089719,0.2700096060529792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548671381478541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306404724925595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36872910272713066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25400090932535824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359165995447433,0.0,0.2742073915840391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24487981624662755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586566767838435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572472840296914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713660949068872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276761714822867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28348645611638035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HCDman007,2019/08/10,"A Diagnosis and Personal Relationships I (23M) was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and severe depression.  It was as relieving as it was stressful. I've known I was different most of my life and mentally wasn't well. Friends were far and few between. I always struggled with interpersonal relationships. I've never been very close to my,divorced,  (physically abusive) dad or my (emotionally distant and abusive) mom. I am mostly detached from my (religious)family because, realistically, most of them are problematic. My emotions have always been intense. Having no real role models growing up only further disparaged emotional well being. I don't, and really never have, fit in anywhere. I always cared more about my individualism than I did being liked. As I said, being mentally ill wasn't new information. 


It's still so much to handle. I'm dating someone(24F) who has Bi-polar 2 and it's been...an experience. She recently got her diagnosis as well after months of pushing her to get mental help. (Did I mention I have the weird savior/jesus complex?). It took her having an episode where she busted my lip and left bruises on me but, it was progress. She's made so much progress. Learning tohow to apologize and , slowly but surely, how to communicate inna healthy way. I empathize with her struggle so much and try to be a pillar of endless support( her family doesn't exactly believe in mental illness)but, sometimes I run out of energy to do so and, realistically she doesn't understand my struggles. Takes things personally that aren't, gets insecure over(what I think is) dumb. I gave up a huge part of my life for her. Even getting into a monogamous relationship for the first time in years(its an adjustment).

Work wise I'm so exhausted. I install cable services for people(ex. run new outlets, crawl through miserably hot stuffy attics, lay down new lines to houses, etc). I'm 6'4"" so the attic work is really hard on me and have a family history of back problems(lucky me). Thankfully my supervisor is understanding. I told him about my diagnosis and he was as supportive as he could be. It still end up being rough because some days I have so little energy that my body feels burdened by even the smallest tasks let alone going to work. 

The thing is, sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to be, honestly, happy. I strive for okay and even that feels like too much to ask for sometimes. I'm trying to keep my head up, I really am. Working overtime and paying off debt. Just doing the best I can to get ahead. 

This is my story and where I'm at right now. I hope someone can relate because at some point I feel as alone as ever.",4.327327045404694,7.045715197938148,5.78168457995174,71.99034218030272,74.34020618556701,8.581267821890767,30.319148936170212,9.252503621752664,3.2929390217152896,2121,97,342,54,47,713,267,485,0.109,0.742,0.14800000000000002,0.9801,2,2,0,0,1,0,86.0,0,0,1,9,27,29,1,6,13,1,46,8,3,2,6,56,79,36,0,3,5,2,6,2,1,0,5,1,0,3,14,22,0,1,12,0,2,7,9,11,3,1,19,7,51,18,60,51,14,55,0,2,0,0,33,26,1,9,23,246,65,7,0.0,0.16215360168078793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174295894843925,0.0,0.0,0.17081444005304502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639715822216858,0.0,0.0,0.052617434042619225,0.0,0.1251404716584773,0.0,0.0,0.07709569392869127,0.07181168200339721,0.0,0.0,0.07600884163294921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976760373442291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054634735974570914,0.0,0.0,0.04413084013000091,0.0,0.058937525144525986,0.06945367371183209,0.0,0.0714934103373599,0.07842520009394566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309191773016692,0.060607503196131174,0.0,0.0763160708166207,0.1355895009822434,0.1237953243463375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693638325622768,0.19352541945677007,0.0,0.10379879584412548,0.04888546542679428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820540353987974,0.0,0.0,0.05286783141042683,0.0,0.1430046521215109,0.0,0.07777919596173276,0.0,0.05472866956712947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284360640190042,0.06129865998093914,0.0,0.07022757132261445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586630438084234,0.0,0.0,0.06796512308052148,0.0,0.07895751377076822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082255832848641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434796524038002,0.06997296543848452,0.09666640618276286,0.0668615969415016,0.06858351809432306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474887521066687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758400749561461,0.0,0.0,0.08014284751242254,0.05461912261436934,0.0,0.2012118245880821,0.0,0.10555283898450522,0.19826654785262213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204309759492408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741015963006579,0.0,0.0,0.17924786200406828,0.0,0.0,0.06468722435894693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788682318528957,0.13151150130406308,0.0,0.13513014004011126,0.22040039325713345,0.0,0.058437722133858075,0.06509134836779955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730493531845525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797940178045791,0.0,0.20303315418210952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929447065715008,0.0,0.07838482617247651,0.2146095535116488,0.0,0.0,0.15530411906981004,0.06449322472379425,0.0,0.05144985421268839,0.0,0.0,0.06299993842048393,0.0,0.0,0.09092195392965308,0.04384633759238242,0.0,0.0,0.03990131585134804,0.0,0.0,0.06538653988108971,0.07602678559328495,0.09291716913690154,0.0,0.0,0.14247334634397388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056460830621227524,0.0,0.05431550416002416,0.0,0.0,0.18457681425114103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420798868079577,0.1992675873454804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sundaysinautumn,2019/08/10,"My wife has BPD & she is the most selfless, intelligent, witty, compassionate human I know. She feels SO deeply whether it be a in negative or positive way and it makes her such a strong/understanding person and that I’m so thankful for. We’ve been together for almost 9 years and have gone through hell and back, but even in the darkest of times I’ve promised her to always be her light. Since she was diagnosed 2 years ago (which she totally diagnosed herself way before her therapist lol the amount of self awareness) we’ve learned that communication is the number 1 key to our relationship and to helping us understand BPD. I know this post is all over the place but I just want people to know that you can be in a healthy, understanding, loving long term relationship/marriage and live with BPD. You deserve love no matter what your demons or shitty humans tell you ♥️",6.8874545454545455,7.45775632121212,6.792878787878788,75.7493181818182,64.57575757575758,10.236363636363636,33.46969696969697,10.125756701596842,3.2674969696969693,703,28,130,15,10,223,113,165,0.092,0.7040000000000001,0.204,0.9569,0,0,0,1,0,0,17.0,2,4,0,0,6,6,1,0,8,1,11,4,0,1,2,27,24,13,0,1,6,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,8,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,19,5,14,18,5,16,2,0,0,2,26,5,1,4,7,82,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335234649863335,0.0,0.12804706962655096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640118740473972,0.1385511334125046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983270054672194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881112618521907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831574608427624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595782891750393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445939289234956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465680024222421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571106599313252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082817404532572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291484665713095,0.11316422741086928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308220683348669,0.0,0.08535670796648417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865154382264169,0.1116544090246181,0.13360083168285594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224676861143854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745770619831452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340018898261494,0.0,0.0,0.10577847115875348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176727659142537,0.11772895053164115,0.0,0.14847125680685608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456420050219248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993631890206751,0.15381635293763665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542323925637058,0.20300043024415115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646929796849256
bpd,g_buster,2019/08/10,"Does DBT actually do anything? I am skeptical that it would yield any useful results. I live in Canada. There is DBT covered by government insurance. However, I live in the middle of nowhere. Feasibly the only way I could possibly get it is to move out of my family's house to a city where it would be available. 

However, the costs involved would be fairly high. Even if I am not paying for treatment rent isn't cheap. Also I don't think any of the problems that I have are something that would even be treatable by DBT. My problem is that I am a total failure at life. I'm going to be 30 in a few weeks. I have no job, no girlfriend, and all my friends have moved on with their lives and are doing stuff. I am a shut-in NEET and live in house where people are constantly fighting and my family probably hates me. I fail to see how DBT would address any of this.

I tried to explain this to someone I know who has a background in psychology. She kept insisting on (what I would term) ""bullshit"" like ""no one can fail at life"", ""that's your illness talking"", et cetera. The time commitment involved with DBT is substantial. The program available to me would be for more than a year. I don't see what it would accomplish. It isn't going to give me job. I am not going to get a girlfriend. I don't feel like the problems I have with emotional regulation are that severe—or rather they wouldn't be severe if I was able to leave my house and live a normal life. 

My problem isn't depression or BPD—my problem is that I have pretty much failed at life. I don't know. I am sure my situation isn't as bad as others, but whatever.",2.294314928425358,4.3104627668711695,3.814257668711658,87.07097750511251,77.77300613496931,7.046053169734153,25.89734151329243,8.021203637495839,1.5992686298568517,1266,49,259,22,30,419,157,326,0.107,0.823,0.071,-0.7972,5,0,1,0,2,0,41.0,0,1,2,4,8,17,3,0,15,0,49,5,0,3,4,46,66,13,0,19,7,0,1,2,3,9,5,0,2,0,19,9,0,2,5,0,4,5,14,13,0,1,2,3,36,4,35,48,7,26,0,4,2,0,14,15,0,3,7,183,55,9,0.08065596378359166,0.0,0.07870858589013448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450054509754115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454646355107502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637298586039805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734436075744113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015833628895693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716044329398429,0.0,0.06439722404569273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946886342046603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058257743796949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072710326060668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654500678910228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207052891643644,0.0,0.04078207872953708,0.05762063664282147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231459754343412,0.0,0.08427882424957221,0.0773725499122747,0.1375159288068898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963106598053853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521745405706185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791984593878308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600771972716757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865281671956374,0.0,0.0,0.08540301984501672,0.0,0.0,0.22787877000231835,0.07880885962913264,0.0,0.3561034685333441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144905019863282,0.059291413775076414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902571962531735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465456845251111,0.06134249495434666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591668975460592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092748038475112,0.0,0.08205611151030644,0.0869607706548449,0.3858843225752857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285447211453778,0.0,0.0,0.09111828126811856,0.0,0.0,0.09066068264516693,0.0,0.0,0.06833953637534179,0.062092901414475425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233178176194387,0.0,0.0,0.07601729134191182,0.0,0.0,0.06482820849564364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051681084847448204,0.0,0.0,0.047031141100291385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476010501254708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966085625838972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402094982532405,0.06469734905446005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583654603136854,0.0,0.0,0.05193979626698611
bpd,flamingo_1,2019/08/10,"Having Issues Coping I have been seeing this guy for 8 months, we had previously worked together prior. Anyways lots of back story drama, but when he feels good he is amazing. Loving, caring, super sexual, but then something minor will trigger him. Ex. he also suffers from a back injury and i sent him a gif to make him laugh and he went on a tirade. We were supposed to move in together and he broke my heart. He has left me on multiple occasions. He always says how much he loves me ect. and then he gets so angry and dumps me. Also just little things will set him off - like he will go irrate driving..ect. 

there is so much more, so if you are interested please message me. i guess my question is is this typical BPD behavuour? he has never been diagnosed.",2.4381632653061227,4.859485741496601,4.045605442176875,83.51248979591841,79.34013605442176,6.64108843537415,22.044897959183675,7.793537801064563,1.2433559183673473,592,18,109,10,15,197,102,147,0.113,0.6559999999999999,0.231,0.9761,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,2,1,0,2,12,12,1,0,3,0,16,4,1,3,1,19,27,17,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,6,3,16,9,9,18,4,19,0,2,1,2,26,6,0,4,9,74,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782581259159885,0.14476250853965328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675546075342542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219117498457954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738078809249067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658263605870395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796782090041502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089561822549204,0.0,0.0988749386420828,0.14592335850461488,0.0,0.0,0.19165489263534824,0.1722642345953313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616316615011115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158642049287485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890261376557051,0.0,0.0,0.084996202562382,0.17437030711324664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790872509999173,0.31404143556557845,0.0,0.11613076383172423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886650100721495,0.184909644275884,0.2557857093302476,0.0,0.13418151665164238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097411585775487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489366275849032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835321380708854,0.0,0.0,0.13863686403043168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393572375357196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558235470106615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127809616689692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665707216769045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thermogirl08,2019/08/10,"How do you get back in the dating world? I was diagnosed pretty early so I know how to function in a high capacity. On the outside, I look put together but personal relationships is where I suck the most.

I’ve been single for 2 years. Haven’t dated. I recently “split” with someone I was talking to because I felt the early stages of rejection. My mind set is “better to leave first that be rejected” 

For successful daters out there with BPD? Any tips on dating? Going back to the dating market? When do you tell them you have BPD?",2.2747308031774054,4.787137126213594,3.9860900264783763,83.16197705207415,80.6504854368932,7.240600176522506,22.955869373345102,8.296473431620573,1.667978640776699,416,14,78,9,11,139,73,103,0.13699999999999998,0.763,0.1,-0.6322,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,3,8,5,1,0,6,0,10,1,0,2,0,10,16,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,4,2,12,2,14,11,2,24,0,2,1,0,8,8,1,1,12,55,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509058345708533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30550318223286144,0.0,0.1210967841533908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569208574946618,0.0,0.0,0.5003920035519387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162821242424192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073765364473594,0.0,0.0,0.16897380429249031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378778700477406,0.0,0.11289885334666848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098873839191782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917427646850517,0.0,0.0,0.21034442547492185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681815622467802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005825015119587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345579225801966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021011161392632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997007361968383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961454817636485,0.2132785540590018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168317707525802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966943903541933,0.1736311326981493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792576450914775
bpd,Dragon-Spaghetti,2019/08/10,"Just asking some advice Hi everyone! I should probably preface this by saying I don’t have BPD, however my uncle was recently diagnosed after I said it was a possibility and he went to a specialist. Now onto the actual question. 

Are there any ways my family and I can help him? He’s a severe alcoholic, and only recently got out of jail. I’m aware a fairly common symptom is strained relationships with family, as well as fears of abandonment, but my mother and grandmother really don’t know what to do and are close to giving up and cutting him off. I think he’s going to start going to get help, but just yesterday he was out drinking despite the fact he is literally on a ban and everyone is quite frankly pissed. 

I’m sorry if this was rambly, but I want to know how we can help him, and how he can help himself. He’s attempted suicide before and I don’t want to lose him because my family didn’t know how to help him. Thank you.",3.9262442396313375,5.333539919354841,5.959170506912442,76.00161290322583,71.84946236559139,9.830414746543779,27.80184331797235,10.125756701596842,2.9700811059907837,739,27,139,21,14,258,107,186,0.158,0.711,0.132,-0.8079,1,0,2,0,0,1,17.0,1,1,0,3,8,8,2,2,7,0,19,5,1,3,1,35,37,18,1,4,6,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,14,2,2,5,1,0,3,4,6,1,0,8,2,19,2,21,28,1,18,0,2,0,0,28,7,1,3,7,92,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.12299157996320648,0.0,0.0,0.12315954351099248,0.0,0.13469264805411105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570784368960671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178253290274246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682951677257338,0.0,0.10724615392876924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873615512802527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279224567074395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346591716505302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086290530555504,0.0,0.0,0.3564425863916581,0.1418239544104479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584787183424379,0.12090386394155125,0.14325672489890462,0.0,0.100801375783297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42239164776455823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077959451287968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100046876354247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585498567908814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208506414032462,0.0,0.0,0.1358866057203298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118758612533694,0.13405330127549225,0.0,0.0,0.0807409861999058,0.0,0.2488879070799462,0.13531398344608686,0.0,0.0,0.11988775753110635,0.10022776530354116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238321334270634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108540585483206,0.0892079321014932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378613861501828,0.0,0.0,0.13099819767812276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603571797517125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075787676420322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867693425626727,0.10004039179096376,0.0,0.0,0.1133202333217796,0.11683532840629607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Babiighooul,2019/08/10,Help This disorder sucks and it made me hurt someone most important to me. Fuck this shit,2.768235294117648,5.621237882352943,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,81.94117647058823,8.105882352941178,26.14705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.41855294117647,72,3,14,2,2,22,15,17,0.525,0.321,0.154,-0.9109999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,8,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519584567951106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645695686905197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643240198562227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221590763343385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731428378171435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047938842802528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33413087787100704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jakpogba,2019/08/10,"my fp has been posting about how awful i am on another sub i'm so upset.

i saw my fp posting on a sub that i won't mention but you can guess which one. the one that doesn't have a great view of us.

they have been posting about: how difficult i am, i'm a narcissist, i can never really love them, playing with their feelings, playing games. just all about how bad i am. i 100% know it is them, know the username and the stuff they talk about is our situation.

i don't know what to do because this has killed me but i don't wanna push them away by confronting them but to know they think all these horrible things about me when they know i've been feeling really bad recently. i also have ptsd and have put my trust in them with the things i have been through and i even feel like they hate me for them.

i thought we have a great relationship with difficult times i admit, but to see them tell strangers about these and make me seem like i am a horrible mean manipulative person has killed me. and people in the thread making assumptions about me and the way i think and saying how i'm basically damaged goods and can't be fixed, like seriously?

i have no idea what to do, i feel so crushed.",3.7757328833172608,4.645085647540983,4.612565091610417,87.55692864030861,71.62295081967213,8.200192864030859,26.23818707810993,8.4952907291091,1.4817379942140785,934,29,207,15,17,302,120,244,0.26899999999999996,0.649,0.08199999999999999,-0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,1,13,0,18,21,4,1,11,1,30,1,0,7,3,45,55,20,2,1,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,12,0,0,16,3,0,2,7,11,0,2,6,8,44,10,24,47,2,15,0,1,3,1,26,5,0,2,7,149,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638657060124063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263846055230831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324046122845982,0.0,0.20127246902879165,0.07347303408251665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960791496845004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437712552528321,0.0861055600919792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109355872770967,0.0,0.2657661182235357,0.1327756936424385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899690694982702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360619671788658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666937793889119,0.0,0.3311964637204601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665236087135552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087816461827084,0.0,0.160907373758738,0.0,0.0,0.13129083345035272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929589832142396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334641553375406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355926227707881,0.10524080738791904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462988594413613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089132668088747,0.12116439837335785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442724307331307,0.0,0.1190073193727223,0.1294024658127813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584907370900422,0.0,0.0,0.0960455824160784,0.10972458858490593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354790455696191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797625722507587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687621531985326,0.1053471916674336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014751418279166,0.15445954839185286,0.0,0.09568613873130108,0.07028111770628982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449809041490949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566988606011513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,foxglove333,2019/08/10,"People suffering from bpd how do you feel when the person who’s always been there finally ghosts you? Does it upset you and how? So I’ve been in a very odd relationship with my bpd ex boyfriend for four years, he lost his virginity to me, we had an amazing intellectual connection and dated since early teens for two years, he adored me and I tried to put up with the constant calling, crying, begging for validation but eventually his clinginess and sometimes cruel selfish behavior forced me to end things. When I tried to break up with him he must’ve called me hundreds of times, tried to kill himself and was so devastated he tried to get me back for years and was still in love with me I think. I’m not sure but he always said I was his soulmate and even practically stalked me for several years, leaving gifts outside my door etc. We’d go thru cycles of being friends again and he’d always start ignoring me once things were going good and I’d give him an ultimatum and he’d come crawling back. Recently I finally told him once and for all over txt that he’s hurt me too deeply and used me kindness for too long and to just tell me if he doesn’t care about me at all anymore so I can move on, after yet another spell of him sorts ignoring me for days after a great hang out. He answered a few days later actually saying he apologized and never meant to hurt me etc admitting he’s always flakey with people. If I never answer him will it hurt him?",5.524479166666668,6.0123080451388935,6.137500000000002,79.5575,67.50694444444444,9.316666666666668,29.88888888888889,9.2995712137729,2.412422222222222,1159,40,229,21,18,378,164,288,0.17600000000000002,0.7,0.124,-0.9572,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,3,0,1,18,20,2,1,7,0,15,2,0,3,5,45,32,25,2,2,6,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,6,22,0,2,6,0,0,6,4,11,0,2,11,3,40,9,37,16,5,43,0,5,0,2,42,8,0,3,28,147,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.09419823978871213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32127896651593085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121892286829333,0.0,0.0,0.09573068787504628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844946502780906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431494319913784,0.0,0.1971335107464421,0.0,0.09841760282588363,0.0,0.0,0.08315106289019147,0.0,0.1043134017038195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603241655665427,0.12450625401497235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447305308836152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549591584843687,0.0,0.2153103831816537,0.06375639953574491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048807890369284165,0.0,0.0,0.2114852886778195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457795531896666,0.0,0.05043234360005834,0.0925992752540875,0.10971914766368182,0.08096382530918635,0.0,0.1064234054066048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31000841300784243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679487811705676,0.10051995010387994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022101216920654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542500068828718,0.0,0.0,0.1053726500138547,0.0,0.0871210620065789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259489838059753,0.0,0.0,0.14889801036976105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560016427691466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384191038694804,0.08428527447236545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703816254026393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531060076893516,0.10363586729460213,0.0,0.0,0.09182104770931923,0.07676362131760675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905013234528692,0.0,0.07984966785249817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954695076186783,0.0,0.0683236216793497,0.0,0.07708806973754066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909773051685755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437047553097551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825896649775345,0.06185179377756935,0.0,0.0,0.05628675266871109,0.0,0.0,0.0922374593324438,0.0,0.2621470298057291,0.0,0.09429466690904012,0.0,0.0,0.08336993947362087,0.0,0.0796464161855368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24864567584348726
bpd,tiicomia,2019/08/10,"My fp stopped talking to me She has bpd and said my behavior change made her sicker. Now that I realize my mistake, I try anyway to fix it because it is extremely important to me but she doesn't talk to me anymore and doesn't even see my messages. I'm freaking out about it and no longer sleep with thoughts of guilt and regret. I don't know what to do and I'm desperate.",1.8945054945054949,3.706442589743592,3.4300732600732613,90.31730769230772,78.23076923076924,7.021245421245422,27.809523809523807,7.957251820313856,1.7070600732600738,294,13,64,5,7,97,53,78,0.23,0.752,0.019,-0.9469,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,1,1,0,15,13,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,2,13,0,9,10,0,3,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27928131040184795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716667569144998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546777605873562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979058918608937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860006566764472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476541438206715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664660586771217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26787546497316833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244065983557343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818132353825309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354384527063197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452694676728133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356677280028187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119460965761104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fiji_wtr,2019/08/10,"Undiagnosed... Hey guys, I figured I would make a post regarding some issues I have been having with my constant life struggle. Instead of referring to me as ""OP"", please just call me Ryan.

Jumping straight into it, ever since I was a young child I was always sad and didn't believe any of this was real. I thought that people never truly liked me for who I was, so I would put a front on in order to win them over. Now that I am 22, I really have no sense of self identity. I have things I enjoy, but I still feel empty and hopeless no matter what happens in my life. I can have the best day ever, but when the ""high"" of life or the event wears off I begin to feel like everything that happened was false. I was a military brat as a child and was separated from friends on a consistent basis and of course that kind of messes you up, but now it was found it's way into my current friendships and definitely my relationships. Now I am active duty myself and am now scared to come forward about my potential issue. Reason being is that any sort of personality disorder is an immediate discharge. The military is all I've known my life and leaving it would be like my significant other leaving me. I would fall deeper into the pit.

I've been sober for 2 years now and now finally after my most recent break up I have broken my sobriety. I am intoxicated typing this. Is this a subconscious cry for help? I could not tell you but I am sure it is. My ex knows I have problems and still cares about me, but I know trying to be friends with her will only cause me more damage, but I am afraid to lose her in life. I do not want that, I want to have her in my life and always know she is okay...but we know that is not how things work in life.

Essentially, I cannot appropriately deal with others leaving my life and fight to keep them in it. I feel empty everyday, hopeless, like the odds were stacked against me. I am struggling with weight issues, but want to just be happy for once in life. I've already had one suicide attempt last year and lived obviously. I have hid this issue for years due to fear of being seen as a basket case and a for lack of better terms ""WEAK"". 

As I read over this post I am becoming increasingly angry with myself and afraid of myself. I hate coming forward about things, but I know I need to vent it out and try to reach out or I will relapse. I do not want to lose my career, because I love defending everyone. It feels like my one true sense of identity, coming from someone who was bullied and pushed aside, it feels great to know I help save lives day in and day out (I am in ""Combat Search and Rescue"" as a maintainer on their helicopters). Knowing I am the one that enables others to save lives fulfills me, but yet I still feel empty.

In addition, this like my 3rd real relationship I've attempted due to knowing there isn't something right with me and consistently using self harm or suicidal ideations as a way to keep them in my life. But they're my 11th sexual partner. I seem to just get angry and want to sleep with others to fill the black hole that cannot be satisfied.

It's Friday, but yet I am spending mine drunk in my room waiting on a text back and posting on reddit hopping others will comfort my problems. I'm aware of my situation but cannot stop it, I know many of you are in my shoes, but how do you do it? It is not fun anymore. I want it to end but do not want to be labeled as ""fucked up"" or ""crazy"" or ""WEAK"". I love my family, but I cannot come forward about it because of my self pride.

​

\-Ryan",5.1559959132042446,5.206131896792192,6.070345431546173,81.24017222924981,68.24686192468619,8.957075670591289,29.08724984593429,8.70740988407696,2.0206894294703384,2778,89,572,41,43,921,309,717,0.17300000000000001,0.68,0.147,-0.9582,1,0,1,0,1,4,89.0,1,4,4,10,28,46,3,6,21,0,69,21,3,6,7,132,115,52,2,16,29,1,7,6,3,7,13,0,1,8,41,40,2,5,22,2,1,14,15,21,0,3,17,9,98,25,94,83,8,92,0,6,2,3,37,37,1,9,46,405,139,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061770360140276426,0.0,0.09315220619649682,0.06064943476291058,0.06801636369664593,0.07613052385789414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551265850344179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304170710579157,0.0,0.06824429489589595,0.061820545952835135,0.0,0.06306522424694241,0.05874283761273672,0.04950578413203008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715724761079661,0.0,0.057070756490665224,0.057502261358004424,0.0,0.1928717597619865,0.0,0.060489633728265685,0.0,0.04469188485540746,0.0,0.06148646229605284,0.1082987072499284,0.0577082863341804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415277661435495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957768177878538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126609532623054,0.0,0.05348699246609875,0.050307173313234914,0.0,0.052768723100641686,0.06298800366491311,0.16981737897131058,0.07997782191074096,0.0,0.06131842813141344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137425050397985,0.08649307045428423,0.051748451099781816,0.029244890326626864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061713190328491985,0.0,0.05542454901888658,0.09899790594084308,0.05958696444111303,0.0,0.05526422115944639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503840029851176,0.059141192820467876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336955314587224,0.0,0.09950719903517817,0.0,0.0582898732555148,0.2768640560278127,0.045627506383912886,0.0,0.1778099282591448,0.0,0.0,0.3953715358409413,0.16408082175865524,0.0,0.14828218558934528,0.0,0.0,0.12524454109535405,0.0,0.0,0.10104015485485833,0.0,0.03736408330906421,0.056750374946423286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041505126655431,0.04317175915568173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961208448984195,0.113791349687766,0.042571892839633085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03880636622217165,0.04887565066659165,0.0,0.0614442938231563,0.0,0.0,0.16082717816775366,0.0,0.0,0.1071219945742061,0.0,0.05627084165456325,0.0,0.0,0.05599065136496824,0.12742475538531348,0.035859340940035934,0.05755214040645875,0.05526905686867985,0.12019348523521675,0.0,0.047802774228363834,0.0,0.0,0.05604124410788856,0.0,0.0,0.05095799618339846,0.17518397417160744,0.0,0.0,0.04630351501176698,0.06291881132664204,0.05601592843799899,0.0,0.047427862551832935,0.043092677385982985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410632844136547,0.04679802742567688,0.0,0.11703549989243925,0.0,0.12245623149029908,0.0,0.052756249698932806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489250573654856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156291203852473,0.0,0.0,0.04443829733296928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600738522996837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048344862887568486,0.0,0.0,0.2311106160847657,0.08886149862289215,0.0,0.06816308349479082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040750833284909097,0.0,0.0,0.15905356696353776,0.0,0.06801636369664593,0.10813916726583156
bpd,SyrupBuccaneer,2019/08/10,"I'm really fucking sorry. I just wish it didn't take a few weeks for me to realize.

And that you weren't the victim.",-0.6116666666666681,1.364757576923079,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,88.61538461538461,6.5435897435897425,16.358974358974358,7.793537801064563,0.4190666666666667,91,2,21,2,3,33,24,26,0.076,0.73,0.19399999999999998,0.4416,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114184461591752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850944137708478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981690584533932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346034197750157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569722155807735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117567931884289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chub_Kani2006,2019/08/10,"I’m pretty sure most/all therapists in my city have heard rumors about me, have chosen to not treat me, and as a result I’ve been denied all but suicidal crisis mental health care I’ve already tried the things you might suggest.

Who MUST provide therapy to me?",6.371764705882352,6.554627745098043,6.541960784313726,78.43882352941178,65.66666666666667,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,2.1950470588235302,209,6,38,3,3,67,43,51,0.248,0.624,0.129,-0.8566,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,3,8,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31585896700532673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918278305390724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042462583896697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884498189038064,0.3036419562106367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911960867633922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130862333816234,0.0,0.2697658633548226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327325887339112,0.3323319814795756,0.19015671417257415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943295629893854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,makemepureagain,2019/08/10,"I've never been fine, been taking my meds, but lately I've been worse and suicidal and empty and I don't know what to do I go to a therapist twice in a week.
I take a mix of meds carefully thought especially for me by my doctor that's been with me for over an year.

Everything is boring. Nothing feels fun anymore. I can't do anything. There's no motivation, no energy. I feel like I'm just an empty existance being kept alive without a reason, but my family won't let me die.

I can't trust anyone. Being alone hurts me way too much, but I've been betrayed by friends, best friends, boyfriends, every kind of people, you can bet it, they have back stabbed me at some point.

Then I decided to be alone but being alone is just deadly for me. I crave for someone's company, someone who will do stuff we enjoy together and have fun with me.

I don't even belong to any online community where I can have friends or people to talk about something. 
I have nothing to talk about, since I'm empty. No hobbies, no fun, nothing.

I'm completely disabled. I can't leave my home alone. Panic attacks. I can't go to crowded places. Agoraphobia. 
I don't know where to go from here, when I've tried everything.",2.3205092417955484,4.310152535269714,3.95862127499057,86.1924849113542,77.58921161825727,7.03741984156922,25.062429271972842,8.00094639256281,1.4930315352697092,935,34,190,16,22,312,131,241,0.271,0.583,0.147,-0.9871,0,4,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,1,2,12,17,1,1,6,0,30,1,0,2,1,27,45,11,3,0,8,0,2,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,8,0,1,3,14,4,0,1,7,2,28,13,25,31,3,18,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,3,8,123,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403238892288776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227860433672215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540785157709882,0.0743181356412238,0.0,0.08746490225530991,0.0,0.0,0.12091647133625577,0.0,0.081727915696038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154133985345108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083663797003672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143958832756523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030881960434907,0.0,0.0,0.108788946637355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020136644297317,0.0,0.08955113333106074,0.0,0.19104727465127905,0.0,0.10019764649103603,0.0,0.10748350352505663,0.07593124351002166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463505345990812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121555201600872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066142315134281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378211630748647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110681247740716,0.11682478720097833,0.0,0.11989603311186267,0.11254227433377492,0.0,0.10868535732331908,0.0,0.051926315465244816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361211379520912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813295790735869,0.0,0.08197485950203982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305954880937581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470454793043632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737163743435558,0.0,0.1110469850761112,0.0,0.10047529141646344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092804350836888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879214609683248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011276099027734,0.08182469844566848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167284870764733,0.1162604045779938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982874969775812,0.1708584553174814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234070569111443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437977167535933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216169606241385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436543943558074,0.08525678388385341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024565910682006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083152330374025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844515347264514
bpd,Desproot,2019/08/10,"DAE have adults treat you different at a young age? 
Ever since I can remember I've gotten along so much better with adults, especially in elementary and middle school. I would spend most of my time talking with my teachers and helping them with work even after school hours.  Most adults would call me mature when I was only 10 and I felt proud of it because I liked that adults liked me. Now that I'm an adult I feel disappointed around other adults because they don't think I'm great like they did when I was little.",5.137256011315419,6.308376247524755,4.991598302687411,84.9741584158416,68.70297029702971,7.751626591230551,24.32956152758133,7.957251820313856,1.1246848656294204,415,10,82,5,7,128,71,101,0.059000000000000004,0.735,0.205,0.9285,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,3,3,7,8,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,17,14,6,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,15,7,10,7,3,14,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,2,12,51,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969192236806567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609537171037835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785225324163816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061144322492961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089337236755554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332197091007794,0.1825875511570859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206291740718118,0.0,0.1938104884495083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254359190744447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529777868014106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987844972925768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29584546871528256,0.20230968632622054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838514503425165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351826564793106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866004545100035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085719271707277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669748475781109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224175656240522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293392210161746,0.0,0.0,0.11770207942362558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469513529307555,0.0,0.0,0.2867810909575924,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SlightTechnician,2019/08/10,"Dual diagnosis I recently established care with a doctor in the area that I moved to. As part of the initial intake they performed an assessment on me. 

I was already diagnosed with bipolar 2 (I'm also part of the r/bipolar sub) but they wanted to be sure that I was getting care best tailored to me.

After the evaluation the doctor said that I had borderline personality disorder. Partly due to recently having issues with marijuana addiction and drinking. But I also had every other symptom except for dissociation.

It was best explained to me that the bipolar causes the longer mood swings that last several days to weeks or months while the borderline personality disorder will cause the shorter more rapid mood swings over the course of minutes or hours.

It also explains the patterns of my previous relationships. It has always been an all or nothing situation with me. I would also go to extreme lengths just to keep people happy so they would stay with me. I rarely take things slow. I constantly have trouble trusting people.

I've also had a history of impulsive behavior, my most recent example being impulsive shopping. Especially since I got clean and sober. But I also would engage in some risky behavior such as driving recklessly or engaging in questionable behavior. 

I have a history of self harm and suicidal thoughts. But I often attributed it to my bipolar since I tended to be more on the depressed side of the spectrum. But looking back some of my suicidal and self harm behavior would come from breakups and rejections from people that I had romantic feelings for. 

I had some suspicion that I might have BPD. I had done some research on it a couple years ago and brought it up to my psychiatrist at the time. But they didn't take my input into consideration. I had forgotten about it until it was confirmed by my current doctor who found it without me mentioning BPD.

My doctor recommended that I start doing behavioral cognitive therapy. My next step will be to get a therapist that I can do this with. I'm relieved to know that I have a better understanding of my mental condition and a treatment plan in place.",6.323411553963279,8.330603028571431,7.180313479623827,67.22909090909094,66.76623376623378,10.609046126287508,35.873264666368115,10.704944029454452,4.596568293775191,1726,87,264,51,29,574,204,385,0.122,0.755,0.12300000000000001,-0.1779,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,4,5,12,18,0,0,23,0,34,11,0,3,2,55,59,28,2,5,13,0,1,0,0,7,10,1,1,4,23,15,1,1,9,2,1,6,2,5,0,0,19,3,42,11,51,29,13,42,0,2,1,0,15,14,0,12,21,215,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630728865543491,0.0,0.0,0.07017967431214547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736637012604195,0.3798746547978994,0.06587601323789287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087705665503097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661686440381297,0.07001967691360003,0.0,0.0,0.19942438653052533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143874905743286,0.1626593672913409,0.0,0.06819818401560379,0.0,0.08555494442789435,0.0,0.0,0.08760040642269941,0.0,0.05105827951724358,0.0,0.06818924416619118,0.08035616533543845,0.0,0.0,0.18147199445089526,0.324136535795906,0.0,0.08101868141153082,0.0,0.07755673169798939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670437354101641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003087120141312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680612309143522,0.0,0.0,0.08272640492201447,0.0,0.04499429329174355,0.0,0.06331970341225636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842782327677438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796677588795732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263320082584452,0.0,0.07037018046657446,0.0,0.0,0.04350991413751831,0.06453434303463064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664830937167578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978501886481104,0.08398715345525247,0.0,0.0,0.06319296032470552,0.08414547590404288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419848849193863,0.0,0.0,0.07596601667902035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572010869573846,0.0,0.16466010625065172,0.13825686548019098,0.08271608965278583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868882998351006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345132941401401,0.08499924959116413,0.0,0.0,0.07530906389561448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651837320560708,0.08943987886758688,0.0,0.13098094365867394,0.08899070922964847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603713003710056,0.08438498207831444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319886787653532,0.0,0.07461704978232017,0.08228823227919993,0.11905239192249305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905381122981438,0.0919227944482446,0.05259721460455771,0.0,0.0,0.06285235708107566,0.04616482559231777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241905116646962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046696681013506235,0.0,0.0635056212864448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631732249648646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22496117506271435,0.0,0.0,0.05098306313369623
bpd,Yr6s,2019/08/10,"taking selfies during a breakdown..? I don't know if I'm just extreme in my attention seeking, but sometimes I take selfies while I am literally bawling my eyes out or even after self harming. I think I just want to feel sorry for myself lol 

Does anyone else do this...? or is my thought process warped af",2.645988700564974,5.1083580338983055,3.8450000000000015,85.01009887005651,78.83050847457628,5.289265536723164,30.17231638418079,6.42735559955562,1.6798112994350278,240,12,43,2,6,78,48,59,0.114,0.799,0.087,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,13,12,5,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,9,0,5,11,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,3,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115108703021745,0.3094136829476878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642642945241884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25226512219937125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945461101177214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268990813154226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596003516991753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150304766734178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986654460450378,0.3380413256348743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541020027773995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349626952144525,0.0,0.2397379907190616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781153324924015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Danie_q6,2019/08/10,"employment I was recently diagnosed with bpd and im wondering if i wanted to work in a hospital some day, or have another job would this diagnosis prevent me from getting the job? i live in canada if that helps. im hoping theres no discrimination for mental health.",3.4335294117647024,5.970798235294121,5.972313725490199,70.41141176470589,76.45098039215686,10.354509803921568,29.807843137254906,10.355215969177356,4.036518431372548,214,10,37,8,5,76,43,51,0.045,0.821,0.133,0.5106,3,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,7,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,2,24,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293377637382959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754591009612857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105063093973352,0.0,0.0,0.22198726489860046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426757540552512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324797789710561,0.0,0.0,0.1465975076099586,0.0,0.0,0.2172295715233192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724912556212755,0.0,0.43407423805011536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312599721280274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220409448904746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159509251974878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900153279787033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718296758821825,0.15922435896371576,0.0,0.0,0.15536616186226676,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iwondertomyself,2019/08/10,"BPD rant, pls ignore. I'm sorry, I know you're all strangers and you have no need to comfort me. I just feel so... stupid. It's typical ""gifted child, disappointing adult"" bullshit.

My whole life is a mess and it's all my fault. I hate my job, I can't make friends. Socialising is just alien to me and everyone thinks I'm a massive dickhead but I'm only ever trying to be nice. Even my own family doesn't like me or want anything to do to me and I've done nothing to them.

I recently got married (basically we were in vegas and thought it was funny) and my ""husband"" is my best friend and fp but he doesn't really know what that means to me. And I just feel like he's so smart and I'm a moron. He tries to teach me things but I just dissociate as soon as I feel like I'm not ""getting it"" and then I get drunk and create a scene.

I'm not even sure if I genuinely like him? If you had shown me my lifestyle now, a year ago, I'd have said ""fuck that shit, I'm not picking up after him and cooking for him"" but here I am. Miserable.

Sorry, I'm drunk. And typing something felt better than just googling ""I want to die"".",-0.08242452536570255,1.99035522689076,2.275508870214754,94.44846716464365,87.0672268907563,5.374665421724245,19.739184562713973,6.775458762138228,0.1621563647681299,856,26,200,11,27,291,133,238,0.23600000000000002,0.65,0.114,-0.9778,1,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,1,2,1,2,13,22,5,1,5,0,15,6,1,2,4,48,42,25,1,5,15,1,4,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,8,14,3,1,9,3,0,0,7,10,0,0,8,5,33,12,16,33,5,10,0,2,0,1,16,2,2,3,12,120,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657920233310954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750816504242086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985460264155695,0.12629062386246612,0.0,0.0,0.17984537560353855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481987248081051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612892076897396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862957692686505,0.12916630429242315,0.0,0.13644679637950094,0.0,0.0,0.1346144713723271,0.0,0.21660441410016915,0.20402563460728487,0.1371056480438526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064621374988946,0.13201172929365687,0.14920904734239002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420625171675095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409805559060758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170206050464565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695285790621066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086037176110137,0.2790498081126874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531680941698027,0.0,0.0,0.15554567895623478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058807254688788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701570846403846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086020754945438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914781700363768,0.0,0.14099289193400907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583079901398648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657707406373055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993061126888996,0.0,0.3196947511759428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458265137975206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486669088796408,0.09149730675968837,0.0,0.11336332495207199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938969408755808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844844870619008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594255817147928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195533503416377
bpd,wobblylobstir,2019/08/10,"Recently moved and lost the support of my psychologist I recently had to move back home after my relationship failed. I was seeing a psychologist pretty regularly where I used to live and it was even covered by the benefits of my job. Now I have no psychologist I can see and no money to find a new one (quit my job) and I'm spiraling into being VERY negative all the time. I keep trying to go back to what I had learned in DBT and I ask myself like ""what would my psychologist tell me?"" Lol but it's very hard to stay focused long enough to find a solution/relief. Aside from the negative thoughts I've been super avoidant. Mostly because I am so annoyed by everyone's upbeat attitude when I'm feeling like total garbage and I'm exhausted telling people why I'm not happy with my current situation when I feel like it's pretty obvious. Could anyone try to help me to break out of this constantly negative mindset? Maybe DBT skills that might work?",4.595776397515528,6.2343310000000045,5.953105590062113,75.79065217391306,70.52173913043478,9.604968944099381,31.077639751552795,9.957137785484203,3.2816161490683227,760,33,139,20,14,256,117,184,0.17800000000000002,0.66,0.163,-0.7325,3,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,6,8,12,1,1,7,1,12,1,0,1,3,27,27,10,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,9,0,2,6,0,1,3,6,5,0,1,7,5,19,7,20,16,4,22,0,2,2,0,5,4,0,2,16,91,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717313878511597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165509257885321,0.0,0.0,0.1917292159206716,0.0,0.07599852579783375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347254886701328,0.0,0.0995399650423162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881887875536885,0.0,0.08234428120454006,0.0,0.0,0.11912886148165926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260752074720099,0.1781305403187199,0.0,0.0,0.22789479452539885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085362735763769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271501921737536,0.11168108279105544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356460872830522,0.0,0.1250555751970894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474342466872269,0.11081366500278624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272443996054585,0.0,0.11008712668765258,0.11033026221360888,0.0,0.0,0.13609355589698538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524917418123127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225664941912005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650119273961422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040841106102868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448056439988291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643144834172083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536712596632686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260337567172026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24619592601337914,0.13385042225602214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869392258440088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013587254645085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288311999901928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147562267283398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793659030536536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897516243440806,0.07269689354468953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928738837546473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767605746263087,0.0,0.2057339165659348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249654342716764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076226106257662,0.0,0.0,0.08856298266804159,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Abitlostandconfused,2018/11/06,"Quetiapine & weight gain I’ve been on Quetiapine for a couple of years now and it’s working for me BUT the weight gain is starting to really affect me and I’m not sure what to do. I did gain a small amount of weight on the standard tablets but since being put on the slow release tablets as well around a year ago, I’ve gained a lot of weight and my body shape has changed. It’s all around my chest & middle. It’s affecting me to the point I’m avoiding sex and feel so unbelievably unattractive / embarrassed by the way I look and that is depressing the shit out of me. 

I’m more active then I’ve ever been and I’m not eating as badly as I used to.  I will be seeing my GP as soon as possible but it would be good to have an idea of how to go forward. 
Does anyone know if the slow release tablets increase weight gain more than the standard ? 
Is there another medication I can try that doesn’t have weight gain as a side effect? 

If it matters I take 50mg standard quetiapine & 200mg Of sertraline in the morning & 100mg slow release quetiapine at night. I was changed to slow release after it got upped and the standards were knocking me out during the day. ",2.7740794979079486,4.480018489539752,3.9315878661087886,88.15930648535566,75.40167364016736,6.955732217573223,26.175941422594146,7.734863291789972,1.3389814225941414,925,34,196,13,20,301,127,239,0.066,0.7659999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.9782,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,8,9,8,1,2,17,0,19,12,3,5,3,37,32,21,0,3,7,0,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,11,7,1,4,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,6,9,15,3,34,21,6,35,0,1,2,1,0,16,1,3,16,120,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482584283391555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147321879199625,0.0,0.0,0.10034218456155583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691059082074602,0.0,0.0,0.17037365848703245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989944325441753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629306500577557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202460467220972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588219994222796,0.0,0.06171390272397272,0.0,0.08242001926195594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374136419629531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791756573245247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865595644892198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838512606844808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438439104480163,0.08026253265464059,0.0765342282161127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080254590024142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052590228930537435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035780322443292,0.0,0.0,0.08135454803056018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964003711104928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980115683158592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046057269274488,0.10787918954989624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619763715327503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130322147092705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625472673059115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822722547156504,0.07915802580965954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773181597065557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018927773037773,0.0,0.07194903357132994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496909100993296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264780553368535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759564452038724,0.0,0.6991678866507799,0.08603926812662943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966545654497754,0.0,0.0,0.06797737901549472,0.0,0.0,0.1232459780686691
bpd,beeboobeebooh,2018/11/06,"I feel unlovable :( After an episode I always feel like the toxic person, the unlovable one. The one who let my paranoia and insecurity kill me and my loved ones in the most terrible way. Hurt people because I wanted to believe that they are as shitty as I am. Then cry about the future that could have been, and that it’s too late. They won’t love me again. I don’t blame them. ",2.280808270676694,4.297157644736842,3.3942857142857146,90.06500000000004,77.8157894736842,5.395488721804512,21.383458646616546,6.1826913282559595,0.19018270676691795,295,8,61,2,7,95,56,76,0.354,0.542,0.10400000000000001,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,3,0,3,9,1,1,6,0,8,2,0,0,0,8,13,6,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,1,2,12,3,6,9,1,7,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,1,6,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849107295735387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546756296692425,0.0,0.0,0.25037381512193313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177430237501788,0.0,0.24410600814061198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472937372779084,0.15875906758474415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378986811984888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24586133404861926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25068182139591433,0.0,0.0,0.2272422416799685,0.0,0.1085689242700932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011372250491649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517604541869407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540642735847419,0.19404011117196174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107528720185865,0.1763935092068161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grogro133322,2018/11/06,"dealing with bpd gf i have a gf that i used to be 2 months with, and at first she was talkative and loving but after a month she went through a crysis and didn't respond to my messages, back then i didnt know about her bpd and i thought she dont love me anymore or like that, so i cut her out, but i still loved her and after 5 months i sent her a message to know what happend and she told me she went through a crysis and felt so bad that she didnt talk to me and said she dont want me to be with her because i dont deserve it and thats why she didnt reply, i said i want to be back with her because i love her and she said she still loves me, i ended up get with her togehter again and she even drive half the country just to see me (around 80 km), and we talked and she said she know she can act bitchey sometime but its not my fault, and we are 2 months again together and unlike other stories i read about bpd she never got mad at me and always blamed herself for her bpd actions and she said im the only person she feels really safe with, and in the past 2 weeks she dont send me messages on her own at all but she do respond to mine, she said she loves me but cant show it and she always tells me that she dont want our relationship to hurt my personal life or feelings and tell her when i feel bad, even though it sounds like she still loves me i dont know what she really going through since i dont have bpd, but i avp, which probably the worst match between 2 people, the point is, she actually trying always to blame herself for her bpd actions, she never got mad at me and always respect my opinions and needs but she doesnt always show love and it gets me crazy since i have avp, so how can i be sure she really loves me after all i told you?",3.7192723351118175,3.4240751853785922,4.799386990577818,90.31267794301284,71.29765013054829,7.914133272789192,25.52945850834373,7.255503002510835,0.8579379952321484,1368,34,329,12,23,451,156,383,0.128,0.7390000000000001,0.133,0.4295,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,1,0,1,19,22,3,0,10,0,26,10,0,2,5,66,66,39,0,4,11,0,4,2,2,0,1,7,0,2,14,33,0,1,9,3,0,9,16,8,0,2,20,12,86,14,36,42,4,42,0,1,1,9,81,11,0,3,24,230,100,1,0.0,0.0,0.053973355933239514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301065292265897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485141231941454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049236508451103576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505802053219527,0.09236098227788007,0.06743139418463306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417956562689666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702088664636212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537500537913936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048987130834677615,0.0,0.0,0.07306180779774916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838972886911921,0.0,0.053105067978017256,0.0,0.0,0.04704558954138384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779307209516589,0.0,0.031433233905572365,0.0,0.08847091053452108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920915456276581,0.0,0.059742934737931526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158495740142652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03906620168520136,0.054042117303355584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492647091452069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176587647699449,0.0,0.0,0.04101073299174491,0.08531502636847918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04206479225310148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279845463057831,0.038344119191095226,0.09658692411305328,0.0,0.0,0.05228464061205805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059632180831380624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532371150738621,0.0,0.10629659334090928,0.0,0.0,0.059380892525040786,0.0,0.0,0.3156676877165122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407390826080207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150392945389788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054701762230715385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325089036318464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521278368335168,0.0,0.0,0.08891014702090355,0.09668456048232227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434056033481414,0.04390896482884732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569975052812518,0.0,0.03755100673399644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776899682452012,0.0,0.0,0.09786759094496904,0.0,0.04436533840574432,0.0,0.0,0.10254351993098088,0.04990753889374954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,findinghalos,2018/11/06,ok so do marks have a relation with mental health or is this just my shitty ass justifying that ive been a lazy piece of shit hmmmmmmmm im really not sure,4.518181818181817,4.500013090909093,8.008636363636366,67.03295454545456,69.60606060606061,11.44848484848485,25.59090909090909,11.20814326018867,2.7328909090909095,124,3,27,4,2,48,31,33,0.38,0.5660000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9223,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,5,3,2,0,1,5,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44661159541241097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538460816364233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234235599113092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691659557217476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312893252190384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959968587892896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tinyprettytree,2018/11/06,"you should watch MANIAC on Netflix The first introduced character is similar to me. The show hints at his paranoia and wanted identity changes. He is convinced he sees something everyone else doesn’t. It is very refreshing to see a character with a mental illness (that has bpd characteristics) represented as a good, likable protagonist. 

I highly recommend watching “Maniac”, though It’s a very trigger inducing show because it is drug, mental illness and conspiracy/paranoia revolved. 

After watching the first episode I already feel like taking drugs again. This show is DMT in a nutshell, it excites me knowing I can get the same feeling from it that I did with lsd (don’t recommend  doing lsd with bpd, I did it before I knew I had it) 

",6.47679389312977,8.601934122137408,6.993809160305343,68.25300381679389,66.55725190839695,10.125496183206108,39.05419847328244,10.355215969177356,4.8233352671755725,594,34,89,16,10,194,86,131,0.107,0.758,0.135,0.3998,0,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,2,6,2,0,9,0,14,4,0,2,0,14,23,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,7,11,4,11,18,1,8,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,0,5,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488572154743596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021314727214674,0.0,0.14256509873518391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220241901392743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772362221726424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885888685565667,0.0,0.13995905394917785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600926588907643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942758399068766,0.1196913639339314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850206734124545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875332867954012,0.0,0.0,0.14052548890140362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701632438206644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207618283987984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185209717102096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376839568867335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670170601510341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289812902794367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259700234242492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460823693807258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764778351560253,0.09882005571019006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unreal-throwaway,2018/11/06,"I have no idea what to title this. I'm honestly just rambling. I'm not entirely sure how you guys feel about undiagnosed people posting here? If it's annoying, I'm sorry, I'm probably gonna delete it later anyway. I think I have it. I think I might have found my answer to my entire life. The reason I am the way I am. 

Ok so. Back in high school, 10 years ago, I'm 24 now, I broke down to my school counselor that I had been thinking about killing myself for a long time. I've had this like obsession with pills for forever. Seriously, I've had my suicide planned for like over a decade. I take so much tylenol pm and nyquil, I'm surprised I still have a liver. I went through a period where I was keeping myself asleep, i would take tylenol pm with nyquil and benadryl and everytime i woke up, i would take more.  Aside from the depression though, I have a lot of problems with food so this was also a way to keep me from eating. 

Anyway, i got baker acted after breaking down to her. She called someone who came to my house to talk to my mom, and of course my mom thought everything was for attention. I went on to several therapists, i had a psychiatrist, i was put on medications. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and he told my mom i could possibly be bipolar but he hadn't officially diagnosed me with it. She didn't believe any of that. I quit going right before I dropped out I believe. She was gonna make me stop going anyway cause she didn't wanna pay for it anymore.

God i hate my mom. I go back and forth fucking hating her and then to, i shouldn't hate her because i was an awful child and she didn't deserve anything i did. We had to live in a couple shelters due to her abusive first husband. Us and my brother and sister. We fought so much. I never went to school because I was one of the only white kids at the entire school. They bullied me so bad that at one point for some reason in my head I thought that if I pretended to be half hispanic, they would leave me alone. So that's what I did. My mom didn't know about that. They were still mean cause I was fat though lol. But I'm pretty sure I scared them. God I was so fucking weird as a kid. I was so quiet, never really talked to other kids, or participated in anything. I got bullied for that alot in elementary school. I've never been like other kids. Obviously. 

She told all my therapists that I did everything for attention. I used to cut myself so much I looked like a damn deformed tiger. Like i cut up my entire arms. Only deep enough to bleed but I would cut up to elbows, my upper arms, my thighs, i did my calves a few times. And yes people saw. I made one of my teachers cry in high school. He begged me to stop doing that to myself. I didn't. I still do it. Not as much, only when I get into a really deep bad mindset.

I'm so fucking clingy. I've clinged to literally any person that I even thought was flirting with me. I would have an immediate crush and become obsessed with them until a new person would come along. And fuck if they kissed me, they wished they had never met me. In high school I was with this trans guy. Girl? He was very confused himself. But, and i hate thinking about this but we were together basically until i dropped out. By force though. I was very manipulative and wouldn't let him break up with me. I wrote him probably a notebook full of letters. Ugh. And when we were officially over and he had absolutely enough with me, I went off on him over the phone and said so many things. Horrible things that I hope like hell he forgot about. I apologized months later once he would finally let me, and even recently like a couple years ago, he found me on facebook and started talking to me first so he seemed completely over it so. But still I hate myself for it. I was also in a Christian phase at that time, when i said those things, btw.

After him, there were like 3 or 4 different guys I was talking to, trying to replace him, I hated him so much for not wanting to be with me. I almost kissed this one guy that was the son of the leader in a christian group i had started going to. I got obsessed with them, trying to get them to want me back. One of them I wrote a letter to calling the girl he really liked awful names cause she didn't wanna be with him so it was basically like she sucks you could have me instead. He showed that to her of course and she confronted me. Yep I dropped out shortly after all of this. I wasn't ever too into school anyway though. I always knew I was gonna drop out. I'm awful at learning.

Which brings me to the fact that I went through this place where I was super inspired, I was gonna be a kind of nurse and had to take a training class (I was pregnant at this time and thought I was gonna get my life together for my baby.) Well, I miscarried and had to push it off for a couple months until after I got a surgery, and I showed up at the class. I was so anxious the entire time, couldn't participate in anything and they said ok lunch break. Anddd I left. I left my notebook with all my notes, my textbook. I left and drove and didn't stop driving for like 7 hours until my fiance got off work. He didn't even know until I told him that night. That class was $500. 

There's so much. Oh I drove 2 states away a few weeks ago because someone gave me a random gift, it was just a random gift just cause they saw it and thought of me and i couldn't handle it and i kept thinking i don't deserve that i don't deserve this person in my life, i don't deserve anyone around me. And i just drove. Driving is like my go to. When something happens or when i can't get my mind to stop saying things. I just drive. I scare my fiance all the time. I'm not entirely sure why he's with me. Almost 3 years later. And I'm so scared he's gonna leave me like my ex did. I was with her for almost 4 years. I'm pretty sure she actually had BPD. 

I don't have a job because I've quit every job I've had. I haven't had one in almost 2 years. Sometimes I can't even leave my room because my roommate is out. Like there have been times where I've barely drank anything for days just so i don't have to leave the room to pee. Sometimes I go weeks without seeing anyone besides my fiance who also lives here. His house actually. I don't even know how i ended up here. Me and my ex broke up and i just like, flirted with anyone and everyone. I slept with a guy twice my age. Multiple times. Almost slept with 2 other guys and one guy actually really liked me but i was an awful bitch to him. And then my fiance came along. And we were together 4 months before I actually didn't quit but I got fired from my job and ended up moving out of my mom's house. 

I've always had this thought, like, who am i. Am i even real. I think this all the time, I remember when I was young, I would lay in bed and just think about all of this. It's like I'm so many different people in one body. My almost brother in law's fiance, commented a few times that i need to be myself and stop copying her, and it was like, i didn't even realize i was copying her. I have also stolen things from my past friends, things they asked me to hold onto, but i kept ""forgetting"" to give it back to them cause I wanted to be more like them. Like in 8th grade I stole one of my friends' jacket. And then I was like her everytime i wore it. But i do change my thoughts and opinions based on whoever i'm around. Also the things i like, foods, colors. Everything. I don't know what I actually like or don't like. I was a vegan before meeting my fiance. I stopped because everyone around him wasn't. But I've gone back and forth with it ever since. For three years, I'll just break down sometimes cause i feel so guilty about eating meat and then sometimes just the next day, shit even that same evening sometimes i'll be eating meat again and it's as if i didn't even feel that way earlier. I do the same thing with religion, politics. My opinions on everything can just change. I try to stay away from all of that but then sometimes i'll go back and forth into phases like the vegan one where i'm so strongly against or for something so it's just, exhausting. My entire life is just exhausting basically. 

There wasn't even a point to this post. I'm just rambling on. I needed to get this out. I've never talked to anyone about literally any of this. I haven't seen a therapist since I was 17. I don't talk to anyone about anything that goes through my head so i just do shit to try to make my head stop. I don't even think a therapist would work. I don't know if i even have BPD or if i'm just legit an awful or crazy person. I'm sorry for this post or if I don't belong here. Let me know if it needs to be deleted. ",1.3698299217338956,3.361837755518767,3.0124237407184435,91.80233217941002,80.66114790286977,5.972486453943407,21.112231587397147,7.075746649084167,0.45203465783664504,6791,196,1493,84,176,2240,498,1812,0.141,0.764,0.095,-0.9977,7,1,2,0,0,3,197.0,6,2,16,10,116,88,23,7,56,10,146,43,16,15,20,278,288,132,2,34,49,13,4,26,2,18,15,5,3,18,80,94,8,13,39,3,1,27,46,42,1,15,127,16,279,46,206,127,26,220,3,4,7,6,135,84,10,33,119,1003,359,20,0.0,0.029985105188910687,0.12348175374730888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730039215047477,0.0,0.15205010334197055,0.026210811784638667,0.0,0.10119150707928136,0.04211553243085548,0.0,0.0,0.051629655551342205,0.0,0.01936007525705344,0.028590134207551868,0.02509811914269649,0.08847753724599021,0.0,0.1041290807451106,0.06758679693132304,0.023658982620619357,0.0,0.047554230273291975,0.11675887145407313,0.04226120785820189,0.09256285810921756,0.02795001121581309,0.06460414529388088,0.05702549849283466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028110792335502836,0.06374751450197541,0.0,0.05168332589639664,0.05788979800482205,0.0,0.1559858935361407,0.0535437015565256,0.02180006567991942,0.026534304828445515,0.0,0.0,0.040411764849746665,0.08400639875537784,0.027798966901820637,0.03264233096661115,0.0,0.043594415978786494,0.051372912853462974,0.0,0.05288164819181276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768729849365122,0.0,0.0,0.0448296513857466,0.05229857408787431,0.0,0.2172987023628159,0.04578394539428906,0.021322557855782853,0.04836456929604357,0.09097855974377947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838851286196413,0.0,0.0,0.02772299609447943,0.0,0.04305288638958606,0.06120356499152515,0.05549646848014253,0.039104835650136935,0.09358505437615117,0.06611030362446663,0.02427714345777975,0.1006793647364568,0.0,0.12144373459308325,0.0,0.0,0.17540798451113535,0.022379231198472432,0.0,0.0,0.1499147809938288,0.07791801445455589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021590446207474,0.0,0.025135937082156768,0.02492267000570191,0.08760395074783685,0.0,0.028568949863278837,0.0,0.0,0.0753410044044688,0.04498872156854232,0.027998864672425662,0.026353740267886547,0.08344964015832433,0.0,0.0,0.10718743879351758,0.08248962225468978,0.07763552732612145,0.07150139935417872,0.3214615766274545,0.0,0.044693757676069285,0.022396233565542267,0.021251824085197768,0.0,0.0,0.021515428171268787,0.0,0.023946453411222982,0.03378574328197196,0.05131541922856105,0.0,0.027567154261560815,0.0,0.025494521333120128,0.0,0.026847129260436885,0.025553237927889647,0.17783817475947236,0.06060032413496193,0.026897738229459383,0.11162301046023188,0.05629530139145453,0.09759305211638526,0.024442023822599,0.026914684104407102,0.02374926032139037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026951532122674,0.1714893460857954,0.05774220515234235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024158756335239864,0.052634849196357116,0.08838970690123774,0.02644082409590638,0.0,0.04784730543574478,0.028530266716786292,0.0727124188942905,0.05149340413316916,0.054571268667774134,0.024215743355725086,0.0,0.025440905303039576,0.0,0.08075253643574341,0.0,0.028805337184412368,0.06485021871080421,0.052040400001702056,0.02498798313016465,0.0,0.02866832642324414,0.0216123629326906,0.07221933675720803,0.020125443119858068,0.07601130225662964,0.2048993448313532,0.020166704079966933,0.02303888687666999,0.0,0.057180268415103735,0.051955320636840115,0.04186904997240985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428857192971774,0.03896571269935229,0.1501778664644532,0.056659076493910276,0.035825385469016945,0.0269742981907726,0.08084202053488508,0.14810671110806128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02768216448793023,0.0,0.0954076188142615,0.0,0.07611199625691027,0.12204667310647199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753526785962312,0.13450478185141435,0.12972757003022245,0.09945748340057398,0.14063862148208944,0.1475693589999828,0.0,0.0,0.07254685394406536,0.0,0.06872819503350942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030441660279123813,0.02185744947910018,0.0,0.04176247527485818,0.04478084253221897,0.060263457194118124,0.04060010497557612,0.0,0.022754372534792445,0.11730096690820728,0.022835972754538088,0.0,0.029102236278544524,0.02439540974519697,0.0,0.0368481458651597,0.0,0.0,0.16179872002197493,0.0,0.0,0.09778273198216768
bpd,throwaway862153,2018/11/06,"Mentalization Therapy I had a therapy session yesterday where I brought up being frustrated with sessions and my therapist because I feel like it hasnt been helpful and my BPD hasnt been addressed or worked on at all. She told me that shes actually doing mentalization therapy with me which is a treatment for BPD. 

Does anyone have experience with this? What is actually supposed to be happening? I feel like I just go in there and vent, get minimal feedback aside from some validation, and leave more confused than when I went in. How is that supposed to get me anywhere? ",6.838857142857144,8.154053647619051,7.454285714285718,68.33571428571429,64.9047619047619,11.333333333333336,39.76190476190476,11.20814326018867,5.0266190476190475,463,26,77,14,7,153,73,105,0.098,0.8540000000000001,0.049,-0.6206,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,2,0,13,0,0,1,1,15,22,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,6,2,13,2,13,14,3,11,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,4,59,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.30856769349692553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054795046947782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963769503167957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39824554881787655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835531965663406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465319247982326,0.0,0.0,0.1598813118958677,0.2258948848543399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520257679145314,0.0,0.08985248663608217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398082620222255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597182062549833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740621466655056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544804024101549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31865740372126194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424070874439887,0.1835675383577553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510723562566995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656128417925687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509946848623374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Downinsidethewell,2018/11/06,"Can I someone with bpd become more indiffent / apathetic Just like the question asks; I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with becoming more apathetic , cold , numb eg.  I don’t mean in a way that would make you harsh or callous towards people, but in order to keep any doubts , insecurities etc pushed down so you’re able to manage life. 

I feel like if I can find a way to be more cold as a person. To be more indifferent to my emotions, whether good or bad that maybe all the voices in my head will go away. Maybe fear of rejection will lesson. My need to please gone. Etc 

Anyone with experience or advice ",3.709152542372877,5.709495847457628,5.112000000000002,79.42918644067798,73.57627118644069,8.109830508474579,25.359322033898305,8.841846274778883,1.9192311864406788,482,16,93,10,10,161,80,118,0.222,0.691,0.087,-0.9545,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,9,0,3,5,0,9,3,1,1,1,23,19,9,0,4,8,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,4,8,3,17,13,7,12,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,8,2,57,10,1,0.14620871373142988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287346290229086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988538780956008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446506432587333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668541061332734,0.0,0.13736789944722227,0.0,0.12207816882369145,0.0,0.32295207456224145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841447566660719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446512379299744,0.0,0.0,0.3261227286771549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860403545637809,0.0,0.16452545138987767,0.07392751874291717,0.10445153430361588,0.0,0.0,0.1336321155563441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309378139470176,0.12263293225248513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500523215033798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995702264909745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327153841386917,0.1428603844835637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759545174499801,0.0,0.2937726094600655,0.15926415180669914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841190862797047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013627127074706,0.12766380929729787,0.0,0.16049326202440473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637872208152663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388216867943108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210734300913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855711319557272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386247530187656,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,villianbean,2018/11/06,"My actions dont show how i really feel about you. I love you so much The other day my wife pointed out a plan of mine that I thought was working wasn't going to work out. Instead of being calm I began to chew her out trying to force her to see my plan will work. In the end she made vaild points, but I was so far in my own head being stuck on being mad I gave her unfeeling sorrys.  I didn't tell her she was right or even give her a real I'm sorry. I just blasted metal on the car ride home to deal with my anger. Which I can see is inconsiderate but I can only see all this after I calm down. After I calmed down I felt bad and embarrassed of my self because she didn't deserve it. She was only trying to help me and I basically spit in her face. I wanted to tell her I'm sorry but after my asshole unfeeling apologies and taking so long to chill out. Talking to her about what happened made me feel bad so I didn't say anything right away. She tells me sometimes that it feels like I don't love her. That couldn't be anymore false. I love her so much her dreams are my dreams and her goals are my goals I want her to achieve and get anything she wants. It's hard to back up those words when you have an outburst against the one you love the most. ",1.8137449118046116,3.1835781492537336,3.206431478968792,93.7712008141113,77.2089552238806,5.7682496607869735,21.137042062415198,6.1124844417494595,-0.0010358208955225656,976,24,226,6,22,319,139,268,0.113,0.736,0.151,0.9215,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,8,13,13,2,1,8,0,22,8,3,3,1,31,49,16,0,4,5,1,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,11,10,1,0,5,3,0,4,7,5,0,1,15,9,55,8,34,28,5,31,0,0,3,4,39,18,0,2,10,156,66,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415380318567066,0.0,0.0,0.17284864607054926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867181505455187,0.08075559001365344,0.17537830227938633,0.06402055901080042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773063144070864,0.10827327782653212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230852375267146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301849793537224,0.0,0.0,0.06936617333973953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930714132334095,0.07502788145152041,0.10083778273811836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486976544416744,0.10074686502345694,0.059686537123700416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928707855931348,0.0,0.0940792637245952,0.0,0.10778307723615003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039416762551735,0.0,0.10534583069192978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051308542582032685,0.0,0.0,0.09294134311911567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379146547339293,0.19874909202613555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440680363824769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116576146247554,0.15974823283902706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855985243298266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953825713968748,0.06727991127293613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937677181867875,0.0,0.08351786959861017,0.0,0.0,0.2510672910236497,0.0,0.10956106024011296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386964230036247,0.35269126751750113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896362505432583,0.08441286707531648,0.27538209841147304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337589658109121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260636141950864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583444572365448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293722396313635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Minerva611,2018/11/06,"its my lonely birthday Lost all my friends, noone communicates with me",7.335000000000001,10.152869166666667,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,65.66666666666666,8.133333333333335,37.0,8.841846274778883,3.5338999999999987,58,3,9,1,1,17,11,12,0.284,0.5329999999999999,0.183,-0.1779,0,2,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5777026197624454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8162473173736055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bombshabiggity,2018/11/06,"Any military in here? Using a throwaway for this. I recently discovered BPD because there was an ask reddit thread IIRC, where someone described the antics of a friend that cut them off and ghosted for seemingly no reason. That sounded like something I do.Someone suggested BPD, I looked into it and was ugly crying because it all fit me to a T. I found this subreddit and read everyone’s post and I identify with damn near everything. 

A little backstory, in 2013 I was sexually assaulted by a man I didn’t know.  After avoiding a psych evaluation for 2 years I finally went and was diagnosed with sexual trauma PTSD. They took me out of my command and I went to all the therapy sessions and told doctors what they wanted to hear eventually to get back to work because I was very ashamed to even have to need therapy. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of it helped! I no longer meet criteria for PTSD. It’s still an incident I think about every single day but it doesn’t really get me upset anymore. But my personality has never been the same. In fact, it’s gotten worse and worse. I think everyone has bad intentions. And I know people at work think I’m crazy because many times I’m so annoyed at nothing I will be completely nonverbal the entire day. The next day I’m like a peppy cheerleader. I even get mad at complete strangers because they walk too closely to me when they pass. And I give the dirtiest looks to them. I hate myself for that. Among other things. Anyway, I made peace with the fact that I’ll never have a real loving relationship again. I’m ok being single, in fact I like it because I won’t have to fight urges to up and run away and ghost because I’m afraid they’re gonna leave or hurt me first. I had a counselor, not a doctor, that would try to tell me about the black and white thinking but I was NOT trying to hear it.

So here’s my dilemma. I’m in the military. When doing research about  BPD, I discovered that a diagnosis will almost surely get me kicked out (honorable, but still) . I’m so afraid to go to the doctor about it. I just want to know for sure if this is what’s going on and how to learn to live with it.  I can’t afford to get out of the military right now. I’ll be so humiliated and ashamed I will likely delete my social media just to not have to ever face all my friends I’ve made in the military thus far.If any of you have been in this situation, what would you do differently?

Im not too keen on cross posting this to the navy subreddit because I’m afraid of the responses I’ll get. I know how people in the Navy think, and it will fuck my whole day up.",2.9151179736294215,4.673117423664124,4.502637057598894,83.99231089521166,75.14503816793894,7.893407356002775,25.64954892435809,8.643655677312706,1.8288145038167936,2046,72,414,41,44,686,248,524,0.175,0.762,0.063,-0.996,2,1,1,0,1,0,49.0,0,2,6,4,29,31,8,7,29,1,33,7,1,8,11,78,82,30,2,6,12,0,0,4,2,8,4,3,0,2,27,25,0,1,13,1,0,9,13,19,0,1,18,7,51,12,67,53,8,60,0,1,4,2,25,28,2,5,25,271,78,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039635171689328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561425638863323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971975620278549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572199657421426,0.0,0.06605015543624577,0.054057171947213364,0.05869844453197775,0.3428389654282451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265625153682358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741863747889267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722240794478945,0.18135345871485534,0.0,0.0,0.07135409110153687,0.0,0.07344963976329554,0.0,0.21586832641873455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286636773782553,0.06359132914986493,0.05923167098190973,0.1343513416683305,0.0631820552862291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770113695742947,0.0,0.05979804155526995,0.0,0.0770814783082468,0.10862884156285127,0.06499219262440595,0.25710579804716915,0.06743917795405778,0.07990741940425672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694077374394623,0.0,0.0,0.1584687968468917,0.0,0.04712131535129869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525873348621076,0.0,0.07593720323028448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454248540749324,0.0,0.0,0.07443866668052386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738217791481305,0.07046012596065943,0.062077119628876326,0.0,0.11807036102270135,0.0,0.0,0.05976744305701946,0.06344944696474639,0.13304111628919893,0.0,0.07127423568510931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212734157566912,0.10844101523233254,0.0,0.07476596964758228,0.0,0.0,0.06745575839897824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747579975684542,0.06138416967575078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134657955559722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435634270540614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032007956453244,0.0800179915641477,0.045036656058849434,0.07228119326762215,0.06941381072937335,0.07547702374263753,0.0,0.06003671693748356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399944024062082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902133143183131,0.0,0.07166307245444622,0.11913171170240384,0.054121186815251306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228502682984744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325158249070282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061446220802368265,0.0,0.16079076661050773,0.0,0.046704897214968864,0.22523038738140974,0.0,0.0,0.04099311057527618,0.0,0.0,0.06717567083416524,0.07810705892805919,0.09545960346172293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071753983768208,0.0,0.05800573298009984,0.08293076747174398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033956478879907,0.0,0.07848861742441887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236001078954156,0.0,0.14328556226937278,0.09987970501533217,0.0768631677080018,0.0,0.04527157457416416
bpd,shepkita,2018/11/06,"When there's a suicide, people always say that the person should have just asked for help... but what if there is no help available? (U.K.) Here is my experience from when I was suicidal...

After countless (useless) appointments with GPs, counsellors and psychiatrists. 

I received a letter stating:

'I don't think \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ is in a position to engage with long term psychiatric care at present. She would need to be stable for a long period of time to engage with long term psychotherapy for this to be effective.'

Contradictory or what? Surely, if I was stable - I wouldn't need psychiatric care! 

Anyway, I managed to survive by self-medicating...

​",5.743482142857139,8.489292098214289,6.056571428571428,71.5884285714286,69.98214285714286,9.122857142857145,30.84285714285714,9.642632912329526,3.4847828571428567,513,22,79,13,10,164,77,112,0.069,0.706,0.226,0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,1,17,18,7,2,7,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,8,5,17,11,2,15,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,3,11,59,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489039363485745,0.1886701525456773,0.21158742475364514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162788363676976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550749772057489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033288723383233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23343179514282406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462299618684941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341955481938594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582308840344425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072005392139253,0.15204389790412856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384754368474186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816559228717259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380940662773866,0.0,0.16411578636050958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115756919245403,0.0,0.0,0.10153680259915826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369719874246958,0.0,0.21158742475364514,0.0
bpd,Ssska,2018/11/06,"Feel like shit. I feel like shit whenever I get home from work, even though my life hasn’t ever been this great. I have my first girlfriend, we love eachother, we dont have a lot of arguments, I have a nice job that I like, but still this shitty and horrible feeling is coming from somewhere inside. I feel like it’s coming from nothing and I have no reason to have it. Does anyone else have this?",2.594410714285715,4.468229762500002,3.3221428571428615,91.60000000000002,76.375,6.071428571428572,21.42857142857143,6.868970318607317,0.4016071428571433,311,8,65,3,7,98,53,80,0.187,0.593,0.22,-0.2629,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,2,4,9,2,0,2,0,10,4,2,1,1,14,18,4,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,4,11,7,5,17,1,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,7,44,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708143168105715,0.17156718201521576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28847806799253084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653224087190564,0.0,0.1962442835330811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987880472560596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105958379901909,0.15146358165087942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386608764127591,0.3588682071786934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242862463724032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748309727136673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460869478858272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796097958415213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616331735212653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827134977083766,0.3272206604289875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423557442901849,0.15112564274918008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066798581937392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216133967749814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437597560326135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372178689120787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451385445380248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190194842027105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Employee_073291,2018/11/06,DAE get a sick enjoyment out of people going off on you for your shiftiness? I never thought about it before but I guess it feels good because it’s like finally having your feelings validated. ,4.98,7.212943666666671,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,70.66666666666666,8.133333333333335,31.44444444444445,8.841846274778883,2.995011111111111,156,7,25,3,3,51,32,36,0.053,0.66,0.287,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,6,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860843796483054,0.0,0.30515503901325325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626531420473107,0.0,0.0,0.3928453158675143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873615897859076,0.0,0.20380922706314994,0.30078933363430105,0.0,0.0,0.395054966074652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752012247537218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27658607500053506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24861855825050885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847003337230266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SitofDoubt,2018/11/06,"My family gets it! I'm 30 years old and can't remember a time without symptoms. It's hard to explain what it can be like because the illness can seem so illogical and alien. BUT! I finally found a book released in 2018 that is thorough, kind, and doesn't speak down to people with and without BPD. It's the revised Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified by Dr. Robert O. Friedel.

I bring it up cause my dad read it and, after 18 years, I can finally communicate with him. We're speaking the same language and I feel very close and safe around him. He bought copies for my mom, sister, and best friend. I still struggle a lot and the symptoms haven't necessarily lessened. The big difference is that my support system has grown and I feel comfortable actully reaching out. Instead of frustration, I'm met with understanding. It allows me to work through the situation in a healthier way. My family is happier, they're less confused, and I feel like I have a voice.  ",4.641227106227107,6.733897225274728,5.6101318681318695,76.45153479853481,71.25274725274727,9.248937728937731,33.012454212454216,9.725611199111238,3.4906713553113544,773,38,139,20,15,254,119,182,0.075,0.722,0.203,0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,1,2,11,0,12,4,0,2,0,34,26,13,0,0,3,3,4,2,1,0,4,3,0,1,10,17,0,1,8,2,1,2,5,3,0,0,3,7,16,8,19,22,4,20,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,3,10,87,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824217333428156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878164274157031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117999660720516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143602394781946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479872616014869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505099620383252,0.1651029631023153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27161014699064684,0.0,0.21852017897038686,0.10291507302411856,0.0,0.31561702272469977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579521752784656,0.1112988632250741,0.0,0.07526436583647286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904768346055728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001425193481724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075893666284467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247297079508712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871900332938344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116465111422311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998716873788513,0.1257859000728315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409699679805354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318964590565946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114500427956505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192724201713915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504491499274845,0.0,0.0,0.1506007131737981,0.0,0.0,0.16347532559499267,0.0,0.2994628679506525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840013856623557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499694716514242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886294741506485,0.0,0.1143465450961395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777335669524349,0.0,0.10487594893471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553727404331474
bpd,SatireIsIt,2018/11/06,"How do you control impulsive spending? I spend a lot of money on crap or stuff I don't really need. I just don't think when I spend money and I always leave myself short, thankfully my bills are always paid first but then I just spend without saving and when I actually do need something I got no bloody money.

Other times I don't even realise that I have spent any money or what I spent money on.

I just been going down my transactions and I can't believe how much money I've spent on rubbish, PS games, takeaways and god knows what else.

Any tips on how to keep hold of the green instead of urging a buy?",1.930940860215056,4.049206233870969,3.380322580645164,89.23215053763441,79.40322580645163,5.746236559139786,20.81720430107527,6.816661863887847,0.4347494623655917,479,13,97,5,12,157,75,124,0.08800000000000001,0.871,0.04,-0.6553,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,10,3,1,0,3,0,9,1,1,4,0,23,21,13,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,2,1,16,2,6,1,0,1,6,1,17,2,10,15,2,13,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,3,5,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.21077379232679816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594397640512587,0.0,0.0,0.2937594142951097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24334527595990724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422496675087052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804308248423424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265848433466993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837198585937968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275134278416408,0.0,0.17274587619705434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198066048569426,0.0,0.0,0.11870172846528765,0.0,0.0,0.2287008229829121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362584963254064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877652980875914,0.3203057349060783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836787739982576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627863605593532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472553606974981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988533550858211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839682318857466,0.0,0.0,0.12594473468246709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082053773662636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,15288472,2018/11/06,"How does anyone make it out of an episode? I have never had an episode before, nothing as terrible as this one at least. I'd always been keeping myself under control, always managed to keep my emotions from taking over, and find a solution for every problem I've ever run across. The most high-functioning person many people have ever known, as they describe me.

But not this time. This is truly the worst experience I've ever had. My parents ignored my opinion and warnings, and forced me to hit the gym while I'm supposed to be working on my bachelor thesis. It's not something new, they've been doing this all the time. I said that I was good at English and enjoyed studying language, they put me to a high school of sciences. I talked about how I was not feeling right, that I might need help with my mental health, they told me that I was just autistic and going out making friends was all it takes. I told them I needed to focus on analyzing numbers and writing my thesis properly, they said 1 hour of working out a day was not gonna kill me. Turns out I'm not good at sciences, I have a mental disorder, and transforming your body hurts you for the rest of the day. I had absolutely no control or restrain this time. Abandoned my thesis, giving them the silent treatment, and spent my time getting to know the disorder instead. I managed to get through with a crappy thesis, a broken relationship with parents, and BPD.

I asked for help. Like every time people choose to ignore what I have to say, I ran to my friend (my fp) crying like a baby. And as always, she tried to help me get myself together, and make it through. Except one thing: it doesn't work this time. She tried, she really did try. But our views are just too different. She sees BPD as some kind of *mild depression*, and the only problem here is just me thinking too much. Which is true I suppose, although it does not help at all. And it was at that point that I realized, we're just too different. She's innocent and optimistic, seeing life in pink, having a sweet bright future awaiting for her ahead. Me, I'm just a toxic person, no friends, no empathy, clinging to her obsessively. I'm just dragging the only person who would listen to me down this hole with me, and I could not live with that guilt in mind. So I decided to cut her off, let her go, like a balloon floating away into the sky. It's not good for me, but it's better for her. She has her own life, with friends and family, I just cannot keep holding her back like this anymore.

I still have my future to plan out ahead. I need to complete my profile, apply to some university I have not figured out yet before the period for application ends, and get ready for 2 years staying abroad by myself following a master program in case things work out. I could find a job, following a time schedule, keeping myself together and staying useful to the society. I may simply get up on time everyday, clean up my bed, put my clothes into the wardrobe instead of throwing them on the bed and lay over them at night.

But I'm still waking up for lunch everyday, drag myself to the gym, drag my exhausted self back home, play minecraft, have dinner, back to minecraft, then throw away everything I can reach, lying on bed mourning about losing her or torturing myself with every mistake I've ever made, until I fall asleep at 3-4am. No plan for the future, no friends, no dialogue with more than 2 complete sentences with my family, no useful work, no tidy room, not even a considerable achievement in the only game I play for hours everyday.

I thought I could somehow find my way out of this spiral. I was absolutely wrong on every level.

I need help.",6.413494331844723,6.4406757352112685,6.669855719683963,78.08662143593268,65.59154929577466,9.23668842322226,32.81003091721058,8.841846274778883,2.6740202679491585,2892,110,537,41,41,933,319,710,0.11699999999999999,0.765,0.11800000000000001,-0.2529,5,0,1,0,0,1,100.0,1,2,8,15,30,39,3,2,34,0,38,9,3,10,9,124,86,37,2,11,24,2,1,4,5,4,4,4,6,4,29,38,2,12,13,5,1,11,21,19,0,2,21,11,91,20,101,55,12,98,0,5,5,0,54,44,0,9,44,382,120,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248185334531524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056606613989806674,0.03991067035084938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053360767354021635,0.0,0.10725440983676066,0.13166971454531234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713933526253332,0.0,0.0,0.05048136565916361,0.0,0.0634014350492267,0.14377694701768126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969161054435135,0.0,0.12803696215055554,0.1367178050568459,0.0,0.06269814003909888,0.07362192434615837,0.0,0.04916169740433185,0.0,0.0,0.11926993530149815,0.1308339957077695,0.0,0.09989970018714893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420572004860928,0.050554680150783585,0.0,0.0,0.03769986383687685,0.20652337405283855,0.1923646620617552,0.0,0.05129854734815185,0.05583380386118377,0.10761721091443753,0.0,0.02886064511932805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565063644444115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204938469887577,0.0,0.1491060113605404,0.054754975091016025,0.06487814489743772,0.14362441474558466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060671861534358086,0.0,0.0,0.19129284538980845,0.12061330741987032,0.057254469745892274,0.0,0.11242180759338996,0.0,0.061103800527137625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664168338246625,0.20293625839021792,0.0631489919883516,0.059438557688335315,0.03136889489057691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836671534705672,0.08063257828128545,0.11154284435079627,0.0,0.05040143195868578,0.0,0.0,0.06385633099949291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400913259543772,0.11430118632282993,0.05786872138666909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504356743627005,0.060551353435670974,0.05763309462950974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195932392103308,0.16929217562414894,0.04402251975799469,0.055126848342264716,0.0,0.05356438081726075,0.0,0.054768437026291035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735584616561063,0.1302324966821278,0.0,0.0,0.12675801681885462,0.0,0.0,0.07914220115937512,0.14951644356644472,0.0,0.0,0.05395770762451227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092329850551887,0.0,0.1147594764255042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656599999431902,0.0,0.0,0.061281033967933725,0.0,0.04874479553558224,0.10858960108184733,0.04539117786406442,0.0,0.05776657034381742,0.09096847670623494,0.0,0.05954540742281101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394187957012313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216763436853265,0.09116605560273484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583197744047445,0.045877600588306665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584094472136757,0.03657364939771465,0.0,0.04531401686222048,0.2662638325730016,0.0,0.0,0.10908205867375033,0.0,0.1162578274598558,0.0620851046247785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859513363774673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530632009625269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077694305866108,0.0,0.0,0.04054698564044017,0.062406466996607186,0.0,0.03675673419133487
bpd,Siamaria,2018/11/06,"Do any of you not know why you do what you do? Is it involuntary? Is it just me? Guys, help me. I’m in a relationship that’s been going for two and half years (including the time between me breaking up with him in May and recently getting back together). I was diagnosed with BPD in January but it’s all been mixed up because I also have Graves Disease which creates a lot of shit, and my psychologist didn’t really agree with the diagnosis so I’m pretty much confused. I do know 100% that there’s always been something not right with me (I don’t know how to put that in a more gentle way). 
Anyway, I told my boyfriend I was much better at managing certain things. He doesn’t believe I have BPD but doesn’t really say why. 
But I’m not better at managing things. I just don’t yell at him anymore. But the slightest thing that looks like invalidation or anything like that sends me into turmoil and I send novels worth of texts to him about it all. So much that he can’t keep up, and eventually just says he can’t handle that. I’m not abusive but its all about how he doesn’t care enough, doesn’t pay enough attention to what I go through, just so much bullshit. This time it lasted two days. 
I can’t keep behaving this way. Someone please tell me how to get a grip. ",2.361486349848331,4.260529937984494,3.7863329962925536,87.89585945399395,77.13953488372094,7.122615436467812,24.395685877991237,8.04050195162591,1.2977958881024607,996,34,212,17,23,328,132,258,0.076,0.748,0.17600000000000002,0.9811,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,0,2,16,10,1,2,7,0,24,2,1,3,4,40,40,18,1,0,14,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,21,10,0,2,4,1,2,5,14,4,0,3,7,5,25,6,27,32,11,27,0,1,1,0,19,12,1,4,9,147,46,3,0.0,0.13739365349991425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927331805120806,0.09648802019059333,0.0,0.0,0.07885678528778835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500117352486362,0.0,0.0,0.09542521027706327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916609222331877,0.0,0.0706881476313939,0.0,0.0,0.1306472252010305,0.0,0.2051144162407228,0.0,0.0,0.2920951540368216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182289615974942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478461526149177,0.0,0.0,0.11769697227009128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396353830176453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116864145353452,0.0,0.13180549539078626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148186440911149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772555239110282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614117521516603,0.0,0.0,0.1911857716084581,0.09452288758316016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330440998425265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737720565618163,0.0,0.0,0.0985850562951781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409758083815156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272892721509888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797302161241333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657184144955582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857390732517844,0.0,0.11449652333109815,0.12449765715360492,0.0,0.0990292175191918,0.0,0.18443211328567394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903128696868642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825254272227936,0.08927168331181873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135416251868527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23111604005572936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523443222834766,0.0,0.0,0.11080476179204296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655216613151274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408732167235445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927175063776848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467444648263488
bpd,rattles-snakes,2018/11/06,"Can diagnosed cluster B work or volenteer with the law, or would I be wasting my time looking into it? Posting here because its the biggest cluster B sub I can find that isn't based on hate.
I am diagnosed, and have a clean record. I was in jail once overnight 2+ years ago, and wasn't charged with anything. I'm currently getting my psychology deploma, and want to add to my personal statement as well as getting some more experience- preferably on the other side of the cell door this time.
I have previously looked into getting a gun permit, but saw we need to disclose any PD diagnosis we have so gave up. 
Will the same limits apply to working or volenteering with the law?
Long term I plan to go into criminal psychology, but even mopping floors in the station is better than nothing when it boils down to it.
Thanks",6.07,6.845244439490447,6.6922356687898095,75.04599681528664,66.38853503184714,9.592101910828026,36.71910828025477,9.642632912329526,3.620740636942677,655,33,118,13,10,215,108,157,0.052000000000000005,0.847,0.10099999999999999,0.6961,1,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,5,5,4,1,0,9,0,13,3,0,1,0,29,26,12,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,7,12,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,4,3,11,3,22,19,4,22,0,0,3,0,5,12,0,4,8,78,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911642151461356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297380641015106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569970422030754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629872299700535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873086561457756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38727871741673625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600948044267574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662106171333254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437097169142904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29902661352388443,0.0,0.10842560819296608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883573816118133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883575659744185,0.32041707262961633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146217600222807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306013847163172,0.0,0.0,0.20317623068518606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665831778859562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271608366827674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564611088860133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249262854352952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112527960082694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153561519926555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777826266256169,0.0,0.0,0.1355258102834508,0.0,0.0,0.12285712750211734
bpd,carozabe,2018/11/06,"Gaming and Microtransactions I have a love-hate relationship with gaming. Mostly because of microtransactions - I've spent thousands in the last few years on digital items that barely last seconds. In February 2017, I spent $2000 in 20 days on a single game. And then proceeded to never play it again. To be honest, I doubt that's the worst I've done. At some low point in my life I even had to lie and borrow money so I could pay my rent and eat. I promised myself I would never, ever play a game that includes microtransactions again.

And today I find out that my favourite game, the one that includes an important social aspect, the one that keeps me out of the house, has added bundles to the store. As soon as I saw it, I fell into my old pattern of thinking and almost gave in. And then the anger, the fear, and the sadness kicked in. I really, really, cannot go back there.

I'm completely terrified. I know from experience that removing my credit card from my google wallet is not enough. I know that if I start, even with $0.50, it'll be too late.

But it's that or I stop playing, and I lose the camaraderie, and the community I found. I don't think I can abandon the one thing that has forced me to leave the house at least once every day for the last few months.

So I set myself a few countdowns, and will throw myself a mini party for every milestone I reach.",4.02857933579336,5.339765095940962,4.934352398523983,83.81975738007381,71.47232472324723,7.781623616236165,24.251107011070108,8.238735603445708,1.3025157195571957,1075,29,217,16,20,350,153,271,0.141,0.7909999999999999,0.068,-0.9609,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,1,11,14,1,2,20,0,15,2,0,0,3,38,28,20,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,15,16,1,3,6,8,8,4,5,8,0,5,7,1,32,6,29,15,10,42,0,4,1,0,8,15,0,6,22,155,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382413625604367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276319962394093,0.0,0.0814675180325085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012211817449474,0.0,0.0,0.10670304209073624,0.0,0.0,0.17237732764308547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676316478867676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675012894395813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808891972256745,0.0,0.17653985109527034,0.12088772343030744,0.2251999433162117,0.0,0.0,0.13072847507335303,0.0,0.15038550349830387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221472593554042,0.0,0.0,0.14653262568811046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595238333677674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084121032151959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878801801863595,0.0,0.0,0.14689336961447247,0.3268105887632252,0.15075509854694932,0.14150861556909486,0.0,0.0,0.09439598657967672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495123061308472,0.0,0.0,0.12061800404271808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667254879739367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614740457796865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023582264659165,0.14232540831552135,0.2716798187093308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633581000040373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123022571323734,0.0,0.0,0.14348254225099955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362321844637459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459318660865984,0.0,0.0,0.1117315124730356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878645521086871,0.1712660461220928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266779152392789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493613608656434,0.0,0.0,0.08606169519555829
bpd,MissusHeadcase,2018/11/06,"Today was bad Trying my hardest not to make it worse. 
Stuck in this endless loop of “it isn’t that big of a deal” and “ they hate you, you’re a idiot for thinking they ever liked you”
I’m exhausted and my eyes are sore from crying and I just want them to love me as much as I love them, but they don’t.  
",-0.4053304904051167,1.380309746268658,1.7040511727078886,99.89313432835822,85.86567164179105,4.4255863539445635,15.541577825159914,5.288315135182226,-1.04226908315565,231,4,58,1,7,77,50,67,0.223,0.6609999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,5,0,2,7,2,0,2,0,4,5,1,1,1,10,12,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,12,3,9,10,1,4,0,0,1,2,10,2,0,0,3,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371219463191435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119525196505646,0.0,0.2927838853369757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688755225570875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28038388278393545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874443214153814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126287920272771,0.0,0.18956725590381604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208767226776391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197098152064128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691917644510459,0.0,0.0,0.19281232363291995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750618478422633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28941270655167844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beekeep,2018/11/06,"Everything feels so punitive Just that. I’m beginning to think other people hear me when I say ‘fuck off you idiot’ to myself. Or some variation of that. My nerves are shot. 

This girl I liked told me I was scary manic. I am. But also I’m not danger: I’m a good person, I just can’t put the pieces together to fit the perception.

I’m so tired of this. ",-0.13375375375375498,2.0542534324324317,2.4463963963963984,92.16782282282284,89.0,5.991591591591593,16.33033033033033,7.3871296695380915,0.2074582582582587,270,6,60,5,9,93,54,74,0.192,0.705,0.10300000000000001,-0.7853,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,3,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,14,6,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,10,2,6,12,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,2,3,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24916835527492906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800257001666991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754290861208234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880483099603273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613363625238125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35117040424369605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522209921264085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160085561680744,0.2720573905792211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31322137173513337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24777887522839856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996462338541326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581124166877515,0.0,0.29772558322591924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ricesnot,2018/11/06,"2018 in a nutshell I don't know what it is, but since 2018 started I've been having a horrible time. Almost every day I have a freak out, where I either cry a bunch or a scream and yell and just get frustrated at everyone around me. It's every god damn day. 

I don't know what to do. I just want it to stop.",1.7164705882352926,2.4302024117647067,3.7698823529411776,92.25747058823532,76.3529411764706,7.2047058823529415,20.95294117647059,7.554174236665415,0.4171552941176477,236,5,58,3,5,81,46,68,0.35700000000000004,0.589,0.054000000000000006,-0.978,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,12,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,6,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,5,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835521115698121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520797890023766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110470400697751,0.3652402070911992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771629486219085,0.27057940996358804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794372994600538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112437434312788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342397131239912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004279538310224,0.0,0.0,0.23674134709154354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511769118633146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701997800459215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,divebarsinger,2018/11/06,"crushes i'm new here, lurked a while so hello. i just wondered if anyone else found crushes absolutely excruciating, i'm really struggling right now. we're just friends but i can't help but be intensely affected by everything he says and does and emotionally it's pretty much taken over my life. i pine terribly when there isn't contact as if we'll never speak/see each other again. i feel like i'm just existing and it is so painful, what doesn't help is i don't express any of this to him for fear of losing or scaring him away, he's also very emotionally unavailable ",2.8798149637972656,5.254694938053099,4.602204344328238,80.3639340305712,77.49557522123894,8.002896218825423,27.086886564762672,8.841846274778883,2.389414159292036,460,19,87,11,11,155,82,113,0.3,0.625,0.075,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,3,1,0,8,2,0,1,1,17,15,14,0,2,8,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,2,9,2,8,11,2,9,0,1,0,0,12,3,0,4,7,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499731649446773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753150060923255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113013799562787,0.19215368252809115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619706007061264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411477627541152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666298834044612,0.4219074676556319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854604379240254,0.0,0.0,0.2110311139526792,0.09482427490872224,0.1339763753993547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562449511446215,0.14489051839344674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514040179533897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246283542745865,0.09162104046088436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098057843240358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786117566053913,0.0,0.14463999326581706,0.181124274957997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955244903311806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079241466322355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014091928428698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015545990481045,0.0,0.14913684397616694,0.1877571201382519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605425221682327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154737555889626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033757326912971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuzzydunlop1234,2018/11/06,I wish there was a button to delete certain memories forever For whatever reason I can’t seem to get over my past and move on from the friends that fucking abandoned me. I know I should avoid social media but I can’t help myself looking at how well everyone seems to be doing while I’m just trying to get through 1 day without shutting down. It doesn’t help that my fp just so happens to be my former best friend. I just wish I woke up tomorrow with no recollection of of any of them. ,5.184242424242424,5.331507171717174,5.982373737373737,81.5602272727273,68.1919191919192,9.024242424242424,31.65151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.4453151515151514,386,15,78,6,6,127,74,99,0.06,0.6759999999999999,0.264,0.9729,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,1,1,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,19,20,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,1,13,5,18,15,1,12,0,1,1,1,6,6,1,2,5,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134002347819539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067942727514127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708245700414972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882919545290907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044842968013564,0.18217171226456305,0.20590342831781616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425273271537178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641600584646526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829481222076873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547433596757524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943545150317544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810875463441729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260262364411788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587780975473449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087004435458125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378560341252393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717371791046288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532009303349942,0.1899514230900813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwthatshizawayy,2019/09/06,"Advice please - Breakup My partner, or I guess ex partner, broke up with me this evening due to my ‘insufferable’ personality, he was completely cold and uncaring and I’m honestly I’m the middle of a huge mental break. I don’t know what to do. All my other relationships have ended because I’m too much to deal with but honestly at those times I was just in love with being in a relationship and not with the person themselves so it was so devastating. 



But this time I am utterly heartbroken, especially knowing that ultimately it is my own fault it’s ended, I love him so much I feel absolutely empty at the moment and I’m terrified of a future without him. We live together so I will have to see him everyday, I’m not just losing my partner but my stability, our home and our two pets whom I love so dearly. Change terrifies me. I don’t know how to cope with this, any advice or even anyone in a similar situation would be so much appreciated.",2.8034834834834825,5.157667405405405,5.257252252252254,75.67656906906909,77.64864864864866,8.867867867867869,27.034534534534536,9.444778638647367,2.825606606606607,750,31,141,22,18,264,108,185,0.151,0.67,0.179,0.6436,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,1,12,9,0,0,7,0,14,3,0,1,1,29,28,17,0,1,10,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,5,11,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,3,23,6,19,21,5,17,0,2,1,3,20,8,0,3,8,104,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134687044967244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789591982739168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006583112003738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877550512364267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228776539948702,0.0,0.15093651993734122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841368444783895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25500692834865585,0.0,0.0,0.19016491544463912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278915067892483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585852271386855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440093796048606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23734554865778956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711695840843948,0.0,0.0,0.16105142763467115,0.0,0.0,0.3897813280839307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507512791444271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174756009762751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513959729529496,0.0,0.1580219170221481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091125923768742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471535252633608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181406871086548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678853517425762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062539204072164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876972746005972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226315576645416,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gweenfrostie,2019/09/06,"Helpful videos about bpd to show friends and family ? I'm looking for videos to show my partner about bpd, not only that it will help me to learn about my disorder. Thing is I've come across many from psychologists that are too jargony and want something that is engaging and not intimidating.  I find it difficult to express myself and this would be helpful to communicate and help him understand things such as tantrums and emotional irregularity. 

These are two I've come across; 
[Video about splitting](https://youtu.be/E5MmzkzJTbI)
[Young womans perspective on living with her bpd bpd](https://youtu.be/MJEQqKqFR0I)",10.971433333333335,12.469997810000002,8.374000000000002,64.71033333333335,55.9,12.266666666666667,39.66666666666667,11.855464076750405,5.183966666666667,511,23,74,14,6,148,69,100,0.069,0.735,0.196,0.9023,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,16,13,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,7,2,16,10,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,0,1,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7213434014152863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466815161576601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641018282871685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161063277009512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498159228944412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086802811949716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106239803231129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838941767011469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643452625547988,0.0,0.12023890807084585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451665972413503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088982553417022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102304143020768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025082312094246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398704393557873,0.14906010178635176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844539208647164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017141521839903,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moonghi,2019/09/06,"Do you ever feel you go from feeling super close to your friends to feel nothing for them, almost they are strangers? I'm not diagnosed with BPD but I do experience all of the symptoms. 
I was wondering if this is another one. 

If I'm stressed or someone annoys/disappoints me in the slightest, I can go from loving my life and friends to feel like they are all strangers and literally no one, and feel deeply lonely and empty. 

It's very weird.",3.990996677740864,5.8572959069767485,4.568870431893688,84.1882558139535,72.48837209302326,7.70498338870432,30.890365448504987,8.418075326091056,2.3566132890365457,352,16,68,6,7,112,61,86,0.145,0.672,0.183,0.5894,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,3,1,1,8,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,0,3,21,18,8,0,2,5,0,5,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,1,5,11,5,9,17,2,5,0,1,0,1,9,2,0,5,2,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506573756866688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426654036579814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453458891743749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771959866952885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620926683070587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055341678141446,0.0,0.0,0.4924878978044265,0.13916635490099732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010065803680342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214205611959238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759418338749071,0.09517025815313618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581611644133194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691746013015098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640053117556312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505482631048446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314465951658607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247352761982826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607317824150684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125410587950366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,utterlycreative,2019/09/06,"Does anyone else see red? When someone enforces their boundaries and steps back, I absolutely see red. I become so desperate that I need to speak to them at that moment that o become suicidal and when they don’t reply I just get worse and worse and worse. 

I just wish I knew what to do to control these outbursts :( feel like I’m out of control",3.076666666666668,5.107957647058826,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,75.47058823529412,6.298039215686276,24.568627450980397,7.1686216300943375,0.9934627450980392,272,9,54,3,6,86,45,68,0.256,0.6759999999999999,0.068,-0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,13,10,7,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,7,9,0,7,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,5,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670173550184666,0.1856644508388435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933434508672926,0.0,0.0,0.40025016954233655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064703792306608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857244790122332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137231467187132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162195954556154,0.1294518524788797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467137608595178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852690168957203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436013646164305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887915380352408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353318006835873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820727340753952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208375140077913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539856949605738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WannaBeMeOkay,2019/09/06,"I had a horrible day and I’m feeling very disoriented and disassociating badly. What do you do in these situations? I spent like ten minutes staring at nothing before I realized I should probably be messaging all of you for help.

I feel so numb, like I don’t even feel alive.

I feel empty as fuck.

Please tell me about your day. I just want to know I’m not alone. It’s so hard to be like this.",1.5421296296296312,3.6349474567901225,3.9464043209876567,84.80256944444447,80.60493827160494,7.50679012345679,23.70524691358025,8.472884824447931,1.5466654320987652,308,11,67,7,8,107,59,81,0.21,0.573,0.21600000000000005,-0.3483,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,13,17,5,0,2,2,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,6,12,3,8,12,1,4,0,0,1,1,6,2,1,0,5,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402893717139986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886691957482793,0.0,0.0,0.19227739026450835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914541558529753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924605799063712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570135885650736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088986311329564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241795926651449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514578578839051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418304549317133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331181497533732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681705174984905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24803889967332055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362572421161946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25399124571486337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750112891387386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864426745445164,0.1332784993404519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cheesecakemonster007,2019/09/06,"Do i have BPD? I may have BPD but i'm not sure. I have pretty much all the symptoms but i don't harm myself, i don't have extreme suicidal thoughts and etc.
But i feel like i have no identity. I always try to ""create"" my identity.  Which is so exhausting. Because i always try to change my characteristics. I don't know who i am, i feel so empty and lost. 
I'm very promiscious, clingy, always in need of love, unstable. I can't control my emotions...
Could please help me to understand if i have BPD?
Please don't advice me to go to a psychologist. Because i live in a third world country. We don't have good psychologists here. Even if there are, i don't have any money to go see one.
Thank u in advance and sorry for my bad english.",0.4191464311994153,2.711941867549669,2.7637858719646817,90.18915194996323,87.27814569536423,5.7396615158204565,21.63392200147167,7.1686216300943375,0.7568275202354675,566,20,122,9,18,193,86,151,0.193,0.626,0.18100000000000002,0.1948,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,3,5,9,0,0,3,0,21,3,0,1,2,21,35,10,1,4,6,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,1,3,9,4,0,2,2,3,24,5,11,31,3,7,0,1,1,1,4,4,0,3,1,81,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186446302259858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368494561800776,0.0,0.0,0.09176567615278687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267153361941848,0.1645196577494115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098668912253818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275150370230966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134973352303704,0.1077407805561475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517923958330898,0.0,0.0,0.15049680193545625,0.08912839307850348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646218637949115,0.09640310525861827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338211367667284,0.11318355019797993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044925992719803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416098918401859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592619617545871,0.0,0.11915689294715864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730591812815555,0.0,0.12179107221363132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919842501086076,0.10005831612172066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144067858972876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962531653630689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728525778144965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753187577424513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105732575009356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760543225480868,0.0,0.12718191546782145,0.14025715345568895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423712532575253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071294454626471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832344963566189,0.0,0.0,0.14048012925962206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134187533752904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pchkitty,2019/09/06,"DAE deel like you trigger yourself on purpose? I watch movies and documentaries about mental illness and psychosis in particular when I'm really struggling. I can't tell if I do this to sort of induce some kind of episode? 
It might sound really dumb but surely I'm not the only one who does this.",4.0189473684210535,6.257932649122813,4.796350877192981,80.97978947368422,73.3859649122807,7.3670175438596495,27.18947368421053,8.238735603445708,1.9700273684210527,239,9,43,4,5,77,48,57,0.11199999999999999,0.7859999999999999,0.102,0.2875,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,11,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,4,3,6,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,4,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28164533897394606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33514800738925843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572353177659456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32434015804512306,0.3414225754786517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808787688166148,0.2447746797020559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123593341733013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33645822500605443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033314532426897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813033306071964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adriana0000,2019/09/06,"Life has fell apart...what do I do now? I was diagnosed with BPD last year and have been feeling better for the past few months (with the help of DBT, some anti-depressant meds.) however, very recently my boyfriend of 3 years ended things out of the blue. We were living together in another city so I’ve had to leave my job, home, my therapist and some friends, to move back in with my family. Whilst I’m very appreciative that they have allowed me back, I’m a bit concerned because historically It’s been a toxic environment. I’m just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to keep my head “above water” I’m currently unemployed (job searching), have no money and I’m still really struggling with the end of the relationship (he was my best friend, fp, the rest of it) Any advice, anecdotes would be appreciated. Thank u ❤️",3.0950943396226407,5.408089704402522,4.574188679245285,81.14769811320758,76.48427672955975,8.516729559748429,25.69433962264151,9.21078282632365,2.3326030188679248,649,24,126,17,15,216,113,159,0.039,0.795,0.166,0.9674,7,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,2,7,6,0,1,8,0,15,4,1,2,0,19,24,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,4,9,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,6,2,11,5,17,16,6,21,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,4,15,72,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191154298383926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975150604991356,0.15228038143761016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101544234231301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333710454574696,0.0,0.08852740892893543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524039838032389,0.12843912602187024,0.15854736505240247,0.0,0.1829049707344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508151009614835,0.14739964680054074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572513183863583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690458186180776,0.0,0.07342978913410138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22439992762196792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904206869693165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973408130120338,0.0,0.14567185255363896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882254952914834,0.1290820648641495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183772188493717,0.0,0.15377160591113004,0.0,0.0,0.10257624519572008,0.0,0.0,0.1282357516777928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131150177742576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591668160444525,0.15435048917957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386330637358298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303443003296637,0.0,0.1433915144407024,0.15591659103876074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597634445484704,0.0,0.0,0.1518200103610921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370305954101264,0.0,0.16861665035942736,0.09648059763729078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965057704978698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574896004308033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031632035005002,0.0,0.0,0.1870394254714965
bpd,juliuspepperwood0608,2019/09/06,"I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD, but I’m scared my boss is my FP. So I have never been diagnosed with BPD despite relaying my erratic and impulsive behaviors with multiple therapists and psychiatrists.  I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression.  I do feel, however, that I many each components of the diagnostic criteria, and my behaviors never made sense to me until I learned about BPD.  That being said, I recently discovered what an FP is, and had a horrible realization that I feel this way about my boss.   I began to text him and talk to him WAY too much about my issues after telling him I was going to kill myself twice, a few months ago.  

 Since then, my oversharing has become increasingly personal and mortifying when I look back on it.  I’ve told him I was raped, am usually attracted to inappropriate men, and he is the only one besides my therapist who knows the extent of my self-harm. We’ve also had multiple face-to-face talks about what it looks like when I’m suicidal, my isolating, and issues with my family.  We have joked with each other since he started the position, since he is the closest of my coworkers to me in age and we have similar senses of humor.  He also shares personal stuff with me that he doesn’t seem to with other employees, like when he is feeling overwhelmed and the fact that he is also in therapy.  I constantly crave his attention and praise, and am irrationally jealous when he spends time with clients or my other coworkers.  A couple months ago he texted me that he was proud of me and the work I had been doing, and I was so shocked and happy, I still have it to look back on.

On the other hand, he can be condescending (at least as I perceive it) and despite me being decent at my job, I feel he doesn’t take me seriously.  I feel like he constantly corrects me, contradicts almost anything I say, and tries to mansplain everything, including my job.  It also sucks when I constantly replay conversations we’ve had that mean so much to me, but he doesn’t even remember them the next day or even in the same shift.  It’s like whiplash every day between me wanting his attention so badly, then hating him for criticizing me and fueling my self-loathing further.  I get so nervous and feel so young and dumb around him, even though I know I am at least book smart.  To compensate, I tend to aggressively try to prove my intelligence, which I’m sure just makes me look more childish and pathetic.  I can’t win with him.  Today on the ride home, I cried because he looked up a fact I told him and said “oh yeah, you’re right.” I got disproportionately hurt that he seemingly didn’t trust my expertise.  I probably flip flop between seeking his praise and trying to completely avoid him a few times a day.

In the last few weeks, he has been paying me less and less attention, and doesn’t ask me how I am anymore.  I know he is  extremely busy, but have reacted by being pouty, quiet, and isolating myself from him anyways, all in the hopes he will notice and ask me what’s wrong.  I realize what I am doing, but it doesn’t change the way I feel or how I automatically react.  I know he is trying to set firmer boundaries, and that feels terrible.  I feel like I’m losing the intimacy I know I built up in my mind, but felt so real anyways.  He’s also married, which is not new for me with the string of men I’ve had the same type of relationship with.  I seem to find one after another and push boundaries to get each to care about me, and inevitably they stop talking to me when they feel I’m “too much.”  I only do this with inappropriate men, which seems different from other FP experiences I’ve read.  I’m trying so hard to distance myself from my boss unless necessary,  but it feels like pressure is building inside and it’s excruciating because I’m channeling everything into him.  I know if I don’t quit my behavior now I will definitely be fired soon, as he has put up with so much blatant boundary crossing as is in his attempt to be supportive of my issues.  I’m just at a loss with this high-stakes situation.  Sorry this was so long and disorganized.",6.615703048180926,6.555720063211126,7.4511740412979375,72.94930776794493,65.18204804045511,11.380036521983426,33.633403567916844,11.026568539559578,3.716065127124596,3234,127,613,86,45,1085,331,791,0.16,0.732,0.109,-0.9942,5,1,0,0,0,1,85.0,2,0,3,9,45,42,7,5,25,1,60,5,1,9,10,128,118,74,2,3,14,0,15,6,0,2,3,4,1,5,36,55,0,2,32,4,2,6,12,21,0,3,23,24,107,21,84,87,20,77,2,5,5,1,64,23,2,10,50,420,143,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005032397482052,0.0,0.056766117928963786,0.0,0.0,0.2266719547576842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944364532630715,0.04336713850238412,0.0,0.05622052572415023,0.0,0.0,0.04665044124922936,0.05046547158755373,0.1059936350980959,0.0,0.0,0.0871811030776869,0.04733317484902242,0.06911450901749437,0.06260884792262099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419446364879471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057798491729255386,0.0,0.05996973385953602,0.0,0.059437623939010115,0.18378289388825828,0.0,0.0,0.06272560207091976,0.06227050421279879,0.10967967344708092,0.0,0.04882638756772895,0.17261525568001224,0.0,0.059228224346214005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232819004258557,0.0,0.04776315729557608,0.0,0.10189732603747136,0.05545298658598606,0.05344160114987562,0.0,0.315301795970843,0.12149648337817065,0.05443059192268275,0.0,0.05181296829745434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592356105159741,0.0,0.032217820119026686,0.0,0.045339590096429856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060346784994595774,0.05078245349244623,0.05596892044230147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989532913675709,0.05686396274737701,0.05630523902183492,0.0,0.0,0.06068703897388895,0.0,0.0,0.1775066173039543,0.11251071184849692,0.0,0.06271828110359304,0.0,0.18692965056536495,0.046209323522608106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661730911329036,0.0,0.0,0.05016822249256275,0.2380235578359381,0.06342079567333443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053640760582634825,0.03784052977225542,0.0574740248538583,0.0,0.06175123707446016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724000520087993,0.0,0.0904976733528893,0.0,0.16669255294409094,0.0,0.13116678582516494,0.054750852892838896,0.060289684714861326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454111278067598,0.0,0.0,0.07682823671541733,0.08622949291351154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899777274818614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112062414901912,0.0,0.0,0.05698837681434076,0.0,0.06029601960959704,0.05670461369060462,0.06452480327157639,0.0,0.0,0.0559738178138683,0.06086306358506339,0.06421789513320357,0.04841232919920148,0.107848960230982,0.04508158504615103,0.056755851564658726,0.0,0.0,0.2064311393122907,0.11827854993665506,0.0,0.0,0.14068185673414774,0.06372111777898584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345899964498784,0.04012495904348616,0.0,0.04527212646128076,0.04739477041189862,0.0,0.0,0.06489565453001903,0.062008863367226524,0.06433031493918745,0.053428968694134035,0.0,0.04262327805471479,0.13669407029900996,0.0495489230803326,0.0,0.0648291239296583,0.13164123001861905,0.0,0.0,0.05569692266769266,0.0,0.06611194166849861,0.0,0.05373480208166433,0.10833805899104244,0.0,0.1924414751403906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243522495414808,0.0,0.03343680184715296,0.1349919181650733,0.045472715170507064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041270465741300166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198082054100387,0.0,0.0
bpd,Anilingus_infection,2019/09/06,"Friend looking for tips on how to respond to episodes of acute anger, self-loathing, and disassociation. Hello,

Sometimes things are OK with my friend and we have good times when we hang out. However, a bad memory or small mistake or general depression will cause my friend to shout about how they believe they are a bad person person because everyone thinks my friend is manipulative and abusive. 

My friend is not a bad person, but has been through a lot of trauma and gaslighting. Trying to live life in spite of that history brings up a lot of miserable feelings to the surface and my friend cannot handle it.

If I push back against this terrible image, my friend will say I am like the other people and don’t let them have their own opinion. If I validate how my friend is feeling, they will say I agree with the other people.

These episodes last for many days. All I can manage is to do right now is wait out these events. What can I say or do otherwise?",7.332131147540983,7.0657187431693975,6.828967213114755,78.69656557377051,63.754098360655725,9.942950819672133,33.60054644808743,9.3871,2.8292408743169397,762,28,146,12,10,237,111,183,0.154,0.6659999999999999,0.18,0.5467,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,5,0,8,21,2,1,8,1,22,1,0,5,1,34,28,16,0,3,7,0,2,1,8,3,1,4,0,3,9,12,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,10,0,0,1,7,20,11,22,23,4,18,0,2,1,0,23,8,0,8,8,104,29,1,0.0,0.13268378963339006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610947246553617,0.2805081311762943,0.06826495308172105,0.0,0.0,0.12616862935936474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503933565978122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222099352046109,0.0,0.09645242667114247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700636695713532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324585618594092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6921540217200822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392761752101758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128263651299166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145121431781846,0.07909824369993737,0.05471016351892606,0.0,0.09888471466177168,0.0,0.09403910836667738,0.0,0.0,0.19041110760583255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353510763053222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527245308752946,0.2933426746968221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563448914970343,0.0,0.26716465168662096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682466933181836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075592540598063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439778878305486,0.07175539948541956,0.0,0.0,0.06529929330756247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603039337578565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vodkatx,2019/09/06,"Trying to practice my DBT skills So my boyfriend is away for work at the moment and is taking part in a work drinks thing which I had no issue with but he hasn't replied for 5 hours, he's read my messages but nothing back. Usually when he's with his friends he pops off to the loo to give me a quick message and an update on his night every 1-2 hours. He also has BPD and if I don't reply to him within like an hour he usually starts sending multiple messages asking if I'm okay and telling me that he misses me until I reply. 

So I know if I had left it five hours he would probably be freaking out and not holding back but I'm trying my hardest not to get mad but it's really hard when I know he's drinking with people I've never met and that he hasn't even tried to reply or say ""sorry honey, I'm quite busy but I'll get back to you soon! Hope you're okay"" like that would give me some relief but it's nothing and it's really upsetting me that it's one rule for me and another for him and that there's been a lack of consideration I guess. 

My anxiety is so bad I can't even relax, it's like I can't breathe and I feel so hurt that he hasn't sent me anything for 5 hours.",2.5127222222222234,3.024316896153845,4.339487179487179,89.67773504273507,74.26923076923076,7.316239316239318,24.05982905982906,7.3871296695380915,0.8022649572649567,923,25,217,10,18,315,132,260,0.132,0.7559999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.6516,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,4,15,15,1,1,7,2,16,3,1,0,1,38,34,28,0,7,12,0,2,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,14,14,2,1,4,4,0,2,10,6,0,2,5,4,27,9,24,26,3,30,0,2,0,0,29,8,0,7,23,132,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534287305138187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190381893996576,0.08163948203841913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782036334358129,0.0,0.09976754021137496,0.0,0.10026569310036212,0.2461801842797088,0.08910562262934824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440841515535434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090873152177941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097333557275016,0.0,0.08991507295128551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053960160530783216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245057122160636,0.0,0.11151218936171683,0.20474852405787464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756263446403754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559895678926336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599570800686517,0.5254819114245586,0.0,0.11424453167462904,0.0,0.0,0.11138655362508364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172995681122325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595013526551565,0.0,0.0,0.15641203866918102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230800882271741,0.0,0.0,0.10014823215769787,0.0,0.20479886307042905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231532524363933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556590804700816,0.0,0.07398528102303986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506076420321106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350843011316615,0.10674753859157926,0.0,0.13673341129444658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486696101557123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946280157285953,0.07553601612296611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023915027216133,0.0,0.09327681178728084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089913505139506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173648928066641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507105159491265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538490954015047,0.0,0.0,0.15161974690110142,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,goldfoam,2019/09/06,AA with BPD So hard. Esp with my sponsor. I do things to get negative attention and then freak out and fear abandonment. I feel like everyone hates me and am so painfully self conscious that it makes friends and fellowship really challenging.,5.413837209302328,8.248072186046514,5.0676162790697665,77.87723837209303,71.32558139534882,10.811627906976746,34.00581395348837,10.686352973137794,4.579144186046513,196,10,33,7,4,60,37,43,0.365,0.511,0.124,-0.94,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,12,6,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,4,3,4,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,21,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38086572605610863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889588236378659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34028721008845353,0.1529039360735459,0.21603661255672832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23363564428433803,0.0,0.1579929757979318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708935005718567,0.2985601470416952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477387275263437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201856209547351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32177788798965845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937269698054071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154720600459925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090297558295375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,The_Pursuit_of_5-HT,2019/09/06,"Has anyone else been turned away by therapists? I live in NYC. Have spent countless hours browsing through Psychology Today trying to find a DBT and BPD specialist. Finally found a therapist who specializes in DBT with a group practice that’s in network with my insurance. Filled out their paperwork which includes a bunch of historical longass questions (childhood, relationship with parents, history of self harm or suicide, etc), then got hit with an email saying they don’t have therapists who can treat BPD and that they cancelled my initial appointment.

I am so discouraged. I do okay for myself (though I am underpaid), and every BPD therapist seems to be out of network charging upwards of $400 for an initial consult and $200-300 per session. I’m sorry, but I’m not at the point in my life where I can blow $1-2k a month on therapy (my out of network benefits are pretty shitty).

I lose my dad’s fantastic health insurance next month anyways since I turn 26, so I guess there’s no use trying to find someone else until I get my job and insurance stuff figured out anyways. Bought some BPD self help books in the meantime.

Idk, just so frustrated and tired and wanted to vent.",6.744370129870131,7.679908177272729,6.790389610389612,74.3677272727273,64.95454545454545,10.285714285714286,37.077922077922075,10.290406445055957,4.050383116883117,949,47,162,22,14,303,144,220,0.122,0.792,0.087,-0.7135,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,3,1,9,8,1,0,9,1,12,3,0,1,0,30,26,15,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,15,0,1,6,1,3,1,3,4,0,0,5,1,19,4,30,19,3,25,0,2,0,0,16,14,0,5,10,100,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976970684029621,0.10223817577859384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374822153896142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026863921669477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670966623404462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128300694684153,0.0,0.0,0.08407041250182659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093060097767451,0.1823973901371259,0.0,0.0,0.1094055185376094,0.0,0.0,0.05213183647029061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079804566069246,0.0,0.10992082695131472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606331478511784,0.0,0.0,0.06688159144492548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826490621799433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990179721311407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047878799087616,0.0,0.0,0.08810909717064687,0.0,0.0,0.11163023458554168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928965252759056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061190036541601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079580467282993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432598875544866,0.0,0.0,0.10151389331146107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177837561780428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712823756722438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935043798742204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083754099320056,0.2081882154849402,0.0,0.0,0.0825404795720943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454473745919346,0.0,0.0,0.11169747937918537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422621021789235,0.10914501924132616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410910625464915,0.4634171246856916,0.0,0.0,0.09803504476846964,0.0,0.0,0.11468442209495668,0.09458141447294884,0.0,0.0,0.13549049194879034,0.21706774207202598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617937896449061,0.0,0.0,0.05885385060782721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amalthean-,2019/09/06,"Are you ever “in-between” favorite persons? My boyfriend used to be my favorite person but our relationship sucks anymore. Before him, I’d alternate between friends as FP but I’ve managed to push most of them away. I feel like I don’t have a FP right now and it’s really weird. I just feel like I’m floating aimlessly through life, totally fucking numb until I get a surge of anger or sadness. Ugh",1.984871794871793,4.6062138974359,3.3720512820512845,86.32294871794875,83.1025641025641,6.030769230769232,30.461538461538463,7.3871296695380915,2.167784615384616,316,17,59,5,9,103,62,78,0.242,0.598,0.159,-0.8640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,1,0,4,10,3,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,2,11,11,6,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,2,10,3,9,10,2,6,0,1,0,1,8,2,2,2,5,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499816998622777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23682426662674866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448956615557768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800809158236465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549042459013972,0.3601519439262665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474553517491133,0.2330309179907385,0.13169406029586572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804164180058168,0.2462933911159799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401885467168513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161479908291104,0.0,0.0,0.2706245076481809,0.0,0.21526295230480064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177040575978509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DasBoot696969,2019/09/06,DAE have a shattered relationship with their siblings because of your anger episodes? My brother says he never wants to speak to me again because of my angry meltdowns. Has anybody else had this experience?,7.14590476190476,10.054423971428577,5.8171428571428585,74.13619047619048,66.42857142857143,6.9523809523809526,40.23809523809524,7.793537801064563,3.644809523809524,169,10,24,2,3,50,31,35,0.252,0.748,0.0,-0.8875,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032560359883755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448263146230994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40377990974248296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183628523450364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431732866708843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282607387206654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434694623883915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RekedAgny,2019/09/06,"Male: DAE have an intense fear of being taken advantage of by their FP? So me and my new girlfriend just started dating a few months ago. We live decently far from each other (I’m in Manhattan, she is in Long Island) I have a very busy schedule during the week while she still lives with her parents so very limited amounts of time to spend together. We see each other about 1 or 2 half days a week.

Since we started dating, I’ve paid for most dinners, airbnbs, etc. and was okay with it because this is my FP and I developed my obsession pretty quickly. I’m also pretty financially well off, so it doesn’t really matter.

I honestly miss her so much during the weekdays and look forward like no fucking other to the weekends when I get to see her again. Thing is when she says she has to go sooner than I expect, or when she tells me she can’t spend as much time with me on a weekend as she normally does, I get intensely agitated and after reflecting today, i think it’s because I have this deep rooted aversion to being taken advantage of. Like her only seeing me for dinner this week makes my BPD demon tell me that she’s only seeing me to get a free meal or something and doesn’t actually want to make quality time to spend with me.

Now I can logically reason through that this is fucking dumb...she set up the date, always is super loving when we are together, and invited me to spend Sunday with her family. But for some reason, the demon still pokes my mind with this fear. 

I noticed this isn’t something commonly talked about with BPD, so not sure if anyone feels this or if it’s just another issue I have to deal with unrelated to this disorder?",7.62875,6.270904342507649,8.186129587155964,72.77350630733945,63.67889908256882,11.233103975535169,34.50477828746177,10.270032843473604,3.38603379204893,1308,46,246,25,16,438,175,327,0.08,0.8079999999999999,0.113,0.8496,1,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,4,0,1,4,20,17,2,3,11,1,19,6,0,5,1,49,44,27,0,5,10,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,18,21,3,1,6,2,6,2,6,6,1,1,4,7,42,12,40,38,9,43,2,1,5,3,27,8,2,8,36,174,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0997257645983436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058805398770274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172381836259725,0.08503288027736107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715841928153427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714558206687852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245919811121742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574173686406703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590612206113954,0.1053566416347652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712219379542475,0.0,0.08942990682298074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397236634630707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633859888065277,0.2299913912183848,0.05167192291943719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895182525788012,0.16017509575390845,0.0,0.05807871737509051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666308914877386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985281395614408,0.0,0.18047683247761756,0.09043771442610668,0.08581650088736413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223330012018867,0.0,0.1364294310320902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318594095841167,0.0,0.08156959059222195,0.0,0.15024743504068958,0.0,0.0,0.09869877289836984,0.0,0.0,0.1001275810439495,0.0,0.1163475689669337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544497827038278,0.0,0.0,0.11347338992949503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079343280732971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654675432710003,0.2101431394792805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126808787942326,0.0,0.0,0.32573881124474524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453522271090654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573465461145907,0.0,0.0,0.1446656631245799,0.0,0.1632231496730769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631582648872627,0.0,0.0,0.08213897615684695,0.17864262008982085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789258233100512,0.06548123871616461,0.0,0.0,0.17876892793014942,0.0,0.09686714904290952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864008859266053,0.060276162609178036,0.0,0.2459195218275669,0.0,0.09188390714110588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,duckmeupfammmm,2019/09/06,"Help me understand my BPD ex. Check my post history for the full story. 

Ideally, I want someone to help me through this situation with her, someone with BPD that can offer their point of view and their advice. Looking for private one on one correspondence in the PMs. 

Thank you all.",4.059230769230768,6.682854153846158,4.577538461538462,80.76746153846155,74.76923076923076,8.006153846153849,29.63076923076923,8.841846274778883,2.7033030769230777,224,10,40,5,5,71,42,52,0.0,0.7929999999999999,0.207,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,9,2,9,5,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,0,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925189343705306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651726464158418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007811360915294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841439941980725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040780125048727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210229487573976,0.0,0.21488456208756693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522014258975523,0.0,0.0,0.3802161646299418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656986983808906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23357721727631486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233931539862104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mildlyfunnyatbest,2019/09/06,"To be loved someday by someone patient (and of course, after working out some things on my own)? I feel like I’m talking into the void on here, but my girlfriend [21F] and I [20F] broke up because she felt like she was constantly doing things wrong in the relationship and had her own depressive episode to work out.

It was mutual because I felt like I wasn’t getting my needs met, but I said some mean things, including the following: she never loved me, our relationship was just about how much I could flatter her; she wasn’t caring or patient when I cried at night; she couldn’t handle hearing when things in the relationship were unfair or not to my standards.

I still feel like a lot of these things are true, though I know I’m splitting to some extent — but being the more sensitive person in the relationship and probably having the tendency to choose someone slightly egotistical because it reminds me of childhood, is it wrong to think that even though I blow some of these things out of proportion, it’s okay to know that some of my feelings are correct?

I know that it’s not anyone else’s job to make me feel comfortable in my own skin, or comfortable being alone. It’s my job. But does anyone with BPD find someone patient enough to work through an upset or a perceived unfairness without the other person taking it personally, getting defensive, or otherwise escalating the situation?

TL;DR: Broke up and feel guilty about BPD tendencies, but know that some of my sensitivities aren’t off the key of reason and that I did choose someone who tended to make the relationship about them — are there successful partners to someone with BPD who manage by being patient and non-defensive?",13.29768356643357,8.805020137820518,11.734638694638695,61.44975524475528,55.95512820512821,14.806993006993013,46.953379953379965,12.079253325248375,5.521470512820512,1361,58,232,27,11,430,151,312,0.11,0.754,0.13699999999999998,0.8519,3,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,1,4,13,20,1,1,14,1,21,3,1,4,3,63,50,22,0,3,14,0,8,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,23,13,0,1,18,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,12,10,32,13,43,32,14,23,0,3,0,2,28,14,0,12,12,176,55,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255555225118412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147021327204007,0.08167234588408794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577148414825028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30117597888184783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126968843132762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613822540139904,0.0,0.06364197324424492,0.0,0.08755772554656988,0.0,0.0,0.06865413242000011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975478479677652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658750226712533,0.0,0.0,0.08236176928148989,0.0,0.052647723344167015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015189320511936,0.1138897233500884,0.15306825885389427,0.0,0.07285352375562097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329040199220279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983899745741808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819981150971849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522619253557087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576917826047762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677666174246753,0.14388282912371314,0.0,0.10641412855799423,0.0,0.0,0.08682759094819509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859604392899693,0.0591039775710944,0.061477289444874385,0.0,0.0,0.07480246386487666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087991720699555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594089452346089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195518698186445,0.0,0.4278937102462956,0.0,0.0,0.0758224923642611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959741393689179,0.0,0.0,0.33769025062614555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365653327714177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993202285718436,0.06406790310751044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177348140932915,0.05107496895768512,0.15662940039994175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768376248876421,0.0,0.1740895545123832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743008103976456,0.0,0.0
bpd,PoorBoyRichTaste,2019/09/06,"Failed BPD Relationship. Dated F17 w/ BPD & Schiz for 2 years. Made alot of sacrifices and was lead to belive that it was all worthwhile and mutual. Including, new town, school etc. Turns out she was cheating ALOT & lied about being 'raped' among many things to manipulate me.

I'm coming out of the 'mental fog' of my past relationship, just how evil and nasty she was is coming clear.  It's as though she imagined her self to he a goddess/Siren and I just picked up the pieces whenever she fell. However, her poor, rude and abusive behaviour was alwaysed exused as colateral danage of her diagnosis. If you feel that something your bpd significant other is doing is a 'red flag' or 'warning sign', it might just be. Trust your gut feel. Just because you've got a PD it dosen't certify you to be a cunt. 

I feel like dating somone who isnt bpd will be A WALK IN THE FUCKING PARK. In saying so, I think it may make normal people seem boring for awhile?

I got so caught up in 'helping her' that I lost my own world. Completely alienated my relationships with others so that I could care for her. Filled up her cup too many times without leaving enough in the tank for myself. 

Above anything it's scary how well she developed a mirror image reflection of my ideal 'perfect partner' but also was home to a few other personalities. Personalities that really hurt me: fucking people around me, spiked me, stole money, list goes on.

I feel incredibly fucking stupid seeing the terrible things she did in hindsight. It's like its black and white obvious with the power of wisdom. When your in an abusive relationship you only see the good and block out the bad. Being drunk on love + inexperienced + mental fog/ haze. The 10% of time you receive genuine love, its a high. A high. Then you hold on tight through the remaining 90% bullshit behaviour and await the cycle to restart. Inescapable addiction, especially when you think your doing something good for the other person. 

Dam, typing this out makes me even more anxiety ridden 😷

On the brightside I now know to PUT MY SELF FIRST more often and I'll be soooooo sloooooww to anger in my next relationship. 

Dating a BPD gives you | PATIENCE 100 |

Pm me I'm bored.",3.9040350877193006,6.309492879227058,4.5917976099669495,81.54640732265449,74.31400966183574,7.4496821764556325,25.87058225273329,8.371475516178862,1.8728801932367152,1748,62,318,32,38,559,242,414,0.162,0.736,0.10300000000000001,-0.982,2,0,2,0,0,0,55.0,0,11,0,7,20,29,10,0,26,0,23,9,1,8,5,61,52,24,0,4,8,0,5,2,1,3,1,1,1,6,22,18,1,3,10,1,2,10,2,17,1,1,12,11,44,12,47,30,10,49,1,3,5,6,42,24,4,8,17,202,66,4,0.0,0.1801912650563297,0.0,0.0828954373272234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060809610500601526,0.0,0.16477983578359964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817082231621376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257490400785158,0.06769222231856814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349069361939551,0.046353621225297036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788521338319244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752842148768539,0.0,0.0,0.13100442331042764,0.07972708323524763,0.0,0.0,0.06071220182118784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857022816966318,0.08480532780052714,0.05022407449294752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379357301230345,0.054323393170521206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468006376825203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108948246824964,0.0,0.07294503661152991,0.0,0.12755843250787027,0.12163316882179775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050968386296546056,0.160682058771016,0.07627488433417431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140299505472695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04178990461511151,0.0,0.0,0.08051597648511326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429915593421592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830072567201358,0.0,0.13725915327668275,0.07195141898946071,0.10151533210392724,0.15418639103373838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532620044956724,0.08066702041048719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344044927279209,0.08087000106903394,0.0,0.07450360648391613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783227443532313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725893212448096,0.10543390352185364,0.1991870589266244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644176803535713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871353158117763,0.0,0.0,0.4081955346480268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060470507485956476,0.0,0.07695710904165237,0.12118896689846495,0.06922447237790819,0.1586537814065442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707948031001808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010359420337108,0.0974474443609522,0.07470946675174643,0.0,0.08867972719866445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271029659601106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836959795164563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330038890742757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896762927661563
bpd,drueburgendy,2019/09/06,"I feel like no one will ever love me Every woman I’ve ever had strong feelings for never felt the same way towards me. I’ve dated here and there but never anything serious. The girls that do like me I never feel the same way, there’s never any chemistry. I’m 23 and never truly had a relationship and I’m worried I never will.",0.2873366013071923,2.6785473088235285,2.9743137254901946,87.19552287581702,90.61764705882356,4.1986928104575165,17.84967320261438,5.82211442006289,-0.06376993464052294,259,7,49,2,9,90,41,68,0.10800000000000001,0.733,0.159,0.3765,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,8,18,12,4,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,4,6,4,2,7,2,12,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,11,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114919647900439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349172952646402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966052343370708,0.13813537070724155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24869490287953236,0.11712627278253153,0.15741819466676624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019586954272216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797173087218074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7586924152568413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109710455061192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602148448171895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602725575393953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649969511061966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sydbea,2019/09/06,"Does anyone have advice on how to stop stalking social media? I’ve been having a problem with lurking the social media of people who have really hurt me in the past.

I don’t know why i do it, I really don’t, but it ends up  hurting me more in the end. 

I’ve blocked them, but i just want advice on anything else that might help.",4.601521739130434,4.21387549275363,6.01576086956522,82.65668478260872,69.43478260869566,8.059420289855073,25.94565217391305,7.1686216300943375,1.1861565217391306,255,6,53,2,4,87,48,69,0.18899999999999997,0.74,0.071,-0.7389,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,11,10,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,8,8,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831767250378209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709028279558014,0.0,0.1613413479955101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157414332378473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378365571390244,0.0,0.34730338215747497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141543372098194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197743220302358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077498983036374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079895449807847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871622358101769,0.13592388504910846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760372452003307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512031612527246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997186274690717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391562312006555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156417503932514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769143932051334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lsud1,2019/09/06,Why all the time? DAE know that no one really cares that much about you because the few friends and family members that they have never check in on them. These people never call or text me to say hi or ask how I’m doing. My friends are friends from a very part time job and almost never want to do anything outside of work. The only sister that I am in contact with never invites me to do anything with her. She is content with her husband and kids and when I ask her to do something together she says she’s always got something else going on with them and won’t offer to include me.,4.293382352941176,5.03779198319328,4.986039915966387,85.80914390756303,70.34453781512605,6.958403361344536,28.320378151260506,6.6274283507984215,1.3157134453781518,462,16,92,3,8,149,80,119,0.018000000000000002,0.871,0.111,0.8872,1,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,3,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,5,20,17,9,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,5,9,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,1,2,16,4,16,15,4,12,0,0,0,0,24,4,0,3,7,69,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571439600651166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293914548722264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559324310903642,0.0,0.2907497548183294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479355308754148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878656506003805,0.0,0.15854628708221494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990330656247145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465949574900882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604250939211796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837628119574069,0.0,0.12437043688425545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431333142839745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546071346619978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431304071626865,0.0,0.4797358606634564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053732658921396,0.11826749738090045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683952483885848,0.0,0.10780661862585164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961959001170567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473254132072982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394285416944433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135080293160905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283067581717266,0.09172005403882436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403178147151914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132084750599977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,my-face-is-gone,2019/09/06,"Everyone else is in control of me I feel so fucked up by everything.

I’m almost two years sober (the cult way, I still hold hands and ask skydaddy for serenity) and did a lot of work on myself, but I haven’t been keeping up with it properly I moved across the country just as I was coming out of it to open an art gallery in Los Angeles with a guy I was half in love with. He’s my boss and “friend” and roommate now, who I recently and pathetically went back to occasionally fucking even though he has another girl over most nights of the week. She doesn’t know. And she feels like a fucking invasion.

I thought I was over this. But all that I did was handed over the controls to another guy, in a touring band (like the dumb bitch that I am) and obviously that didn’t pan out well. So now, basically I’m half in love with my boss and roommate, who’s totally emotionally fucked himself, trying to divert my feelings back to this other band guy who doesn’t apparently respect me.

I feel like I don’t have any real friends here who don’t know either of them. The only person who’s ever understood me went to bed 4 hours ago on the east coast and i hate going to her to complain about how I’m so fucking miserable still even after everything I’ve done since I moved here. So here I am, venting to total strangers.

My best friend here is also friends with my boss, and is a recovering alcoholic fashion model who’s not really someone I’d look to for sexlife advise. The next closest friend is half a fucking pop star who I’m always so paranoid doesn’t actually like me because “who the fuck am I?” and is herself in control of my feelings based on whether or not she replies right away or sends a freaking cat photo that day. This girl has millions of fans and for some reason I’m the one she sends cat photos to and somehow I can’t accept that it’s genuine.

The only one who doesn’t know either of them I’m afraid to reach out to because I haven’t seen her in two weeks and I’m afraid she now hates me. So every time I think about her I get really anxious because it’s totally my fault and I do this to her all the time.

I have so much to be happy about. So many reasons to be thrilled. I’m meeting people and doing things I’ve never dreamed of but I’m struggling to enjoy it in the empty space between because “nobody really likes me.” 6 years ago I spent half the year in a psych hospital and the other half strung out on heroin. I tried to die several times and survived to see some amazing change.

And still, I’m jealous and making impulsive decisions to sleep with toxic people and get hung up on them for weeks or months. And when it doesn’t work out, and I feel hurt or set aside, I want to jump out my 8 story bedroom window that looks over all of Hollywood.

I feel pathetic complaining about this. I’m so fucking ungrateful. I’m doing things I’d always dreamed about but never thought possible and I can’t appreciate any of it because I’m constantly jumping around from person to person (usually man to man) for “fake“ affection and validation and I feel so fucking unstable.",4.4410968432316755,5.2426157929374,5.499012841091496,82.05717629748531,70.04333868378812,8.629962546816481,30.082129481005893,8.841846274778883,2.30498887105404,2441,95,492,42,42,808,270,623,0.15,0.7120000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.8978,1,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,3,7,38,44,14,4,24,0,37,15,3,11,10,103,93,50,1,1,14,0,10,5,5,0,1,0,3,10,31,41,1,5,19,5,1,10,16,24,1,10,16,14,59,20,85,75,14,79,1,2,4,11,51,35,11,10,37,331,90,7,0.0,0.0,0.05881774359702027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685673765173076,0.06441349594842502,0.0603546929058157,0.0,0.0,0.048200288196141264,0.10030391182486896,0.0,0.0,0.08197539987529001,0.12640297028453093,0.0,0.06809132249066527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053655739570309766,0.056347109241484825,0.0,0.056628458016800415,0.0926924175091306,0.0,0.18370927585303198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325278428534015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376083133366847,0.051919843808812385,0.0,0.06513368964123101,0.20280384965363898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388710921844405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255384757231347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168019493774449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503503489471849,0.06779900104331082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961948267767939,0.05452037000081803,0.05078259348990656,0.057593424730919135,0.10833895368028074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380667729598396,0.08611807196448043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23283381216995175,0.5014926708996329,0.06298029902721207,0.0,0.034254529115624544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790392081320108,0.0,0.06416171845254452,0.0,0.11901419821564314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935675391962395,0.0,0.06452348221549763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357340274319532,0.0,0.0,0.09937337681768424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723169163876734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122826264438156,0.0,0.0,0.05124194057639768,0.10879745308398234,0.0,0.040232688743236406,0.06110735147428385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810932544955305,0.12812129909959194,0.04430758262885267,0.0,0.09297249094759127,0.0,0.06410100847317758,0.0565621179571589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168507558077027,0.09168064955105516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835714041507835,0.1578841496626605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679487398574103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860385787059674,0.11583726200193455,0.12394134400821115,0.059512306075776164,0.0,0.0,0.05147280399426807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048029769329313916,0.0,0.0,0.06809132249066527,0.0,0.04985844003656495,0.0,0.0603165182688343,0.0,0.05106910869514069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440226262344288,0.0,0.0,0.06301041564613077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008539249146003,0.03862049817050607,0.05921790649158309,0.09570004274361646,0.10543699522845644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184280735191331,0.0,0.1177559061244149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638218300093494,0.0,0.03555057102483044,0.04784189385538936,0.14504207050818552,0.0,0.05419265635801153,0.1117473308551849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877589088974937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644148798114712
bpd,TheChrispr,2019/09/06,Fuck this I posted in suicidewatch just looking for some support and the only person to comment told me to go ahead and kill myself and someone messaged me an article about exercise and taking vitamins for depression... I'm done I cant do this any more bpd is fucking hell on earth even the people who are suppose to help told me I should just end it all so fuck it all,4.7463513513513504,5.640002013513513,5.649567567567567,80.91840540540544,69.4054054054054,8.622702702702702,31.016216216216225,8.841846274778883,2.535641081081081,295,12,56,5,5,97,56,74,0.205,0.733,0.063,-0.9347,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,5,0,3,0,6,5,0,0,2,10,16,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,3,1,7,1,9,12,4,6,1,1,1,3,7,2,4,1,2,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762970482763887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548986094535668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743151258483762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071115733721931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925429547783972,0.0,0.0,0.1336743207856118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613089485719046,0.0,0.0,0.1150208657320438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565535031782786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391058622556148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995361936819886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392399128657844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030925988530232,0.17671601438229925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383024432098256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171481355777844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296657095291991,0.0,0.0,0.15216939954592518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867777922541641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Megang17,2019/09/06,"Any sober BPDs? How do you deal with the impulse thoughts and cravings for self-destruction while trying to maintain sobriety? I know sobriety is good but there are times when I so badly want to do the bad thing and drink or use.

Sorry if this doesn’t belong here; I couldn’t find sober BPD subs.",4.9848275862068965,6.083604896551733,4.5098275862069,88.55543103448278,69.0,7.868965517241381,26.568965517241374,8.07648339933343,1.4093999999999998,236,7,48,3,4,71,49,58,0.192,0.748,0.061,-0.8815,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,13,10,9,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169117560197628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461673309333106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33650314130170983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27545026238369896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617341268989945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441971603082197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409743115756176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683482837543035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787264170437829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990854996058531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775021425019621,0.0,0.0,0.21211062462274494,0.1557944752868292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139729607854613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307572449850641,0.0,0.0,0.15758935126024345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,davtav92,2019/09/06,I want change And my partner mentioned moving out of the big city and finding new jobs. And the idea excited me beyond belief. I've had an idea of fucking off and starting over somewhere new. and I thought that I could do it with my partner. now they are not keen on the idea. Ffs I just want to go somewhere where no one knows me. But I still want my partner there. This is my first post on here after a few comments and lurking. Sorry for the rant.,0.7214920948616594,3.094496228260873,1.7805138339920958,97.1937351778656,86.71739130434781,3.780237154150198,22.49407114624506,4.851557810540192,-0.09931739130434768,351,13,75,1,11,110,65,92,0.141,0.7929999999999999,0.067,-0.7912,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,0,6,0,5,1,0,0,0,22,13,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,2,0,12,2,12,10,1,18,1,0,0,1,6,8,1,0,7,56,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431026900258366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665442751532046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788121540245549,0.1562390662675168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981023502133216,0.0,0.0,0.10439021304760156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6220608779385166,0.0,0.0,0.18227516847214809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094633950683356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522396095121505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548007392744739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446708016191302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591573816592326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561597489383715,0.13001044166244313,0.0,0.14668797916653808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145822291366923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32501964958144874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,valifoux,2019/09/06,"is even starting a relationship harder with bpd? i’m a guy. i have to ask girls out and that fuckin sucks. i can’t read interest very well, and i just see what i want ( or don’t want ) to see. i’m so worried about how bad it would feel if those feelings aren’t reciprocated. i’d rather just fantasize! 

anyone else feel like this, and have you figured out some ways to manage it?",1.8945054945054949,3.706442589743592,3.278791208791212,91.40192307692308,78.23076923076924,6.508424908424907,21.399267399267398,7.447530270364453,0.5018036630036629,294,8,67,4,7,96,57,78,0.114,0.743,0.14300000000000002,-0.2559,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,20,19,7,0,5,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,5,5,3,7,18,1,4,0,0,2,1,5,2,2,3,2,40,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595521207107876,0.22853150898008184,0.0,0.0,0.208512904338998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622963067963647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809118973191781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863218474698611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473162492146864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33832817067657905,0.15934028864224545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084531505226265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896639791324343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310101317133307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394621930523573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554690500507199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786932373623144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840318992490623,0.2631103144450109,0.17703929041174052,0.0,0.0,0.20054033513284247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265086120091133,0.0,0.1584416821067816,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meiverine,2019/09/06,"Group chat? I saw this being done on another sub reddit and thought it would be nice to try here! 

I know a lot of us deal with moments where it's easy to feel alone and lose control so maybe having a group chat with other likeminded individuals from here could help? Hold each other accountable maybe?

If I get enough people willing to join I think it'll be good to try! If you have *imessage* and would like to be part of it pm me!",1.603093434343435,3.8240138295454535,2.705151515151517,93.08328282828285,81.1590909090909,5.729292929292932,20.005050505050505,6.937597516519254,0.21609444444444392,339,9,74,4,9,108,63,88,0.05,0.765,0.185,0.9138,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,1,0,18,18,6,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,7,3,11,6,4,3,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,3,2,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137283346029439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163880824122949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314520301413773,0.16476290911302674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274970091570555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21117951699001244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132266492497753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434260219644438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078153947298432,0.0,0.0,0.1730862807759324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383197997619773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341091328265322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081783158201647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308657937359266,0.0,0.17544121369066298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41463583583399816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234694532448756,0.0,0.14306511823246315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222815131815102,0.0,0.1638280231030306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28021189853774664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482275408890169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931866543836906,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaym434,2019/09/06,"I don’t know what’s going on with my mind anymore As of today idk what’s going on up there anymore. I have a good paying job, an even better relationship and a good life. Yesterday I loved that all, until this morning, the second I rose out of bed I hated it all. My minds an absolute mess right now. 

I feel the urge to run away right now and go start a new life somewhere else, this evening I just randomly decided to go hunt for drugs, something I don’t normally do. I’m freaking out right now because my own brain is 50/50 half of it knows how wrong this is and how good it is right now and the over half is strongly dedicated to leaving all of this and the scales are tipping on that sides favour. I feel like this is a horrible manic episode mixed with some depression and suicidal thoughts. This is an absolute mess to read but my head is an absolute mess and I’m freaking out and don’t know what to do.",5.129197860962567,5.003437106951871,5.742673796791447,84.16930481283424,68.3048128342246,9.366844919786095,30.903743315508024,9.095868883498916,2.3019989304812842,717,26,155,12,11,233,99,187,0.134,0.773,0.092,-0.8422,1,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,10,16,1,0,12,0,14,6,2,2,3,32,29,13,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,14,13,0,0,7,1,1,5,3,8,0,3,1,2,13,8,23,28,5,28,0,1,0,1,2,14,0,2,10,103,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571653516300117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181490852158518,0.0,0.0,0.07903633408476189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466909284522585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473758387356042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167144886982497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035835094934855,0.0,0.10830990928998226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712714832538795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111467772507066,0.0926253815289848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947431363525264,0.32624476644508305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800722619100124,0.13306318208941145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286623364064022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376458463580075,0.0,0.0,0.13728566287643829,0.0,0.0,0.18315797293824349,0.06334276325565412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701847674251388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26182868045406343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252213684848353,0.0,0.0,0.1270341297384731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296898395288772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920068290475918,0.0,0.4428978029421908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981456330323188,0.0,0.0,0.09177030158155727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418212560858367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293139139394232,0.0,0.0,0.12289754581718793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175711898312054,0.0,0.0
bpd,AnnaPuppy013,2019/09/06,"""Freak outs"" My mental health has been unstable sense I was young, I have been to doctors in my dumb, small town and they just pushed medication. I can say that I'm done with medication until I can get someone to actually give me a diagnosis. That's actually one of the things that led me to think I might have BPD.

I have multiple of the symptoms and have taken multiple ""tests"" online to see if I'm right and they all come out to high chance of me having BPD. I've read that mental health professionals are scared to diagnose Borderline which made me think I'm right, sense I can't get anyone to diagnose me. 

One symptom that I can't really find anywhere is kinda embarrassing tbh. I call it a ""Freak out"" cause I don't know what else to call it, it's not a rage blackout cause I don't think I technically black out. I don't hurt anyone, and I don't wanna hurt anyone. What happens is I have so many feeling and I'm so frustrated and idk what to do with it all. I hate myself and I'm mad at myself, I'm confused and hurt and scared and feel completely alone. I scream, cry twitch, my whole body tenses up and I scratch and hit myself... it hurts if anyone tries to touch me. It's embarrassing cause it really just seems like a tantrum. But I really don't think it is. 

Has anyone heard of this or experienced it?",2.2903482587064694,4.191403134328361,3.999328358208956,86.27844527363185,77.3582089552239,7.600995024875622,21.987562189054728,8.472884824447931,1.2152383084577112,1032,29,221,21,24,346,129,268,0.196,0.7390000000000001,0.065,-0.9871,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,2,0,5,19,6,5,6,0,27,11,1,5,2,46,52,19,0,3,7,0,4,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,20,19,0,0,9,1,0,3,8,18,0,2,7,10,33,1,25,43,3,17,0,4,2,0,7,12,1,7,3,137,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.1789627743404643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496867861736416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32057743455678883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185280886853064,0.2309740448764709,0.0,0.18726231019704573,0.0,0.0,0.2825890001765992,0.0,0.07898738308467995,0.09614077916749862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072298314472608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613760193714046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385402666585076,0.0,0.09383612948116073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659965841545115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272779926445104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380784447590968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581402101995046,0.08796248867578955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108585239000513,0.0,0.0,0.09053012660815694,0.0,0.19493563550285287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096881120577942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926468674659615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050393339728450295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479769266063514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676431148801482,0.0,0.09296464369120848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474673908479236,0.18481459412618206,0.09727422452545044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124270218935139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172011566614337,0.0,0.17622707462140447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661457312966034,0.0,0.07291978422438596,0.1836059865831864,0.0,0.07306928355665457,0.08347595875586666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769313149612317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061305576439247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091828395616467,0.23501858712426826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225509075909436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023745296254521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mfields2309,2019/09/06,Feel like I'm spiraling again I hate how I find happiness in others. Why can't I just be okay with myself? The girl I've been dating for a few months has been really quiet the last 2 days over text. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow but I am afraid I'm going to be in a shitty mood because of the scenarios I've made in my head. So it just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy like all my failed relationships.. I dunno if I just need to vent or if I am seeking validation for the way I feel.,2.4922142857142866,3.616377876190477,4.7001785714285695,84.74169642857143,75.0,8.29761904761905,24.55357142857143,8.841846274778883,1.6289285714285708,387,12,85,8,8,135,73,105,0.131,0.795,0.073,-0.7739,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,1,7,1,8,1,1,2,1,17,16,6,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,3,11,4,12,11,2,14,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,4,8,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405835779520474,0.27911407985166314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298623463171436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555699497842259,0.18054625551339776,0.0,0.0,0.23098538705904284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362901595733574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269029664730295,0.0,0.24951287634059285,0.259367992621147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600399533818226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469366070271201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391337970484526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172208613250786,0.0,0.0,0.18739182996532688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190162665663407,0.0,0.0,0.27133126631707993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636465110535165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060074721186533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22804432791406046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nxtplz,2019/09/06,"DAE feel trapped in their room when others are using common area spaces? This doesn't always happen, I often have no problem hanging out with people. But for example I was sitting in my room and needed to get more water, but my roommate had a friend over and they were laughing in the kitchen and I was kind of sad, so I literally just had to sit and wait getting more and more thirsty until they moved somewhere else. This type of thing happens all the time.

I have no idea what causes it, but it keeps me from doing things that most people would never think twice about.",5.762895752895751,6.382451801801803,5.3708622908622905,84.79945945945947,67.01801801801801,7.063577863577862,27.56885456885457,6.1826913282559595,1.11045842985843,454,13,86,2,7,139,84,111,0.11,0.818,0.07200000000000001,-0.3484,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,11,2,0,2,2,25,21,11,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,9,7,2,2,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,5,1,11,3,14,15,5,18,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,2,5,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882087538519698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323601210481538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889532772741168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143687969886573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747543474460797,0.0,0.2363505745983701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000393178402531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553417298691334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104865675650666,0.0,0.2355427714608927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404048815915781,0.0,0.16771751277278105,0.17445218581615934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136242554595672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164339196263396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005420556055823,0.14493384558130565,0.0,0.0,0.13189359631019426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535611169573766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067935938507089,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,animals_of_the_world,2019/09/06,"Almost cheated on my partner who has BPD; she get's triggered extremely often Hey all,

As the title says, I almost went on a ""date"" behind the back of my partner with BPD. It wasn't intended to be a date, it was about politics, but it was someone I was attracted to and I didn't tell my SO. This happened 2 years ago. She kind of found out recently.

​

Now she keeps getting triggered by that. And she keeps saying she wishes she left me then.  

​

Is it over for us? What can I even do?

​

I really do not want to lose her.",1.3082424242424224,3.635645672727275,3.003181818181819,89.85810606060606,83.18181818181819,5.848484848484849,23.71212121212121,7.1686216300943375,1.043121212121211,424,16,86,6,12,140,76,110,0.035,0.882,0.083,0.7282,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,3,1,18,20,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,8,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,7,2,17,2,15,12,1,14,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,3,8,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068290584750456,0.0,0.24135623674729964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39173305865229935,0.4393158533702986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266840732635698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303568229103802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959885878650465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321382079728754,0.0,0.0,0.12592797039120385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657079945311924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423810234645627,0.0,0.125497571566276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093963345306464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348251838745637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077204837729097,0.0,0.1189937811216891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916763398715817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211176045525246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533520739004668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496441114777586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108272467031206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171838486466704,0.0,0.0,0.13858602016184365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393158533702986,0.07760755070651554
bpd,cherryswans,2019/09/06,"have to even coming to the decision to ultimately lash out and announce that im a horrible person, even when its made up- i dont know what i want from the other person, idk what id want them to say about any of it. i dont want them to leave me, or hate me, or say its true or even false. it ruins the atmosphere what i do, but i literally have to say it.

its almost like i have to list everything ive done wrong, pry into everything i do, something i think it impacts the way they feel about me- before they do. because if they do it first, its over",2.0895386064030106,3.1199685000000024,4.123333333333335,88.85264595103581,75.86440677966101,7.617325800376648,22.433145009416194,8.167268648758528,0.9306523540489646,425,11,99,7,9,146,67,118,0.14300000000000002,0.815,0.040999999999999995,-0.7665,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,1,6,5,1,0,5,0,11,0,0,1,1,19,20,7,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,14,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,4,17,2,15,18,0,8,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,5,3,72,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637819076835687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122654037565867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970477591636387,0.0,0.13917767798816846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089262418930856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737886495359444,0.38338265756608425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240898959276946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939947111964906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270094832526427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912421713344506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148182922251403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766730761734384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988840494174816,0.0,0.0,0.17318662880979682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990724885538328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476460991775762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856289045062467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902088923623761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591662787225832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480276779679808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894161196763813,0.12982646859057154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882739560774186,0.0,0.0
bpd,daikiari,2019/09/06,"How do I find out if i really have this? I truly believe this may be something I have but I don't want to self diagnose myself, I went to therapy to ask about it but I was 17 at the time and my therapist said there was nothing I could do about it till I was 18, now that I am I want to see if this is what I have, how can I found out, is there testing or something I can go to?",1.3034482758620671,1.4878592873563257,3.899482758620693,92.9312931034483,76.816091954023,7.639080459770115,23.69540229885057,7.793537801064563,0.7751471264367821,286,8,76,4,6,102,51,87,0.040999999999999995,0.9279999999999999,0.032,0.2608,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,17,1,0,2,0,16,25,9,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,2,16,0,11,16,0,8,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,4,3,63,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190690978960065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674322973365707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951892396961675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092338459784515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694992668708246,0.0,0.0,0.2602616101913772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349016268034168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22776086659096026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206393132002705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257911946007848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915145485278015,0.0,0.2476264493292163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654747556780742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714508383882375,0.2756023843063624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841110989607347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001143141404405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200423872770152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,privjetcyka,2019/09/06,"Romantic to nothing Does anyone ever develop an intense like for someone, but then once they do something that makes you upset, your feelings for them just shut off completely? Like I got into an argument with a friend I had a huge crush on (that I developed super quickly) and now that I've gotten to know them more, no matter what happens, I feel like those feelings are gone. The love is completely gone

Once I decide romance is done, it's completely dead...no matter what... I've had this happen to many of my relationships too. I just can't earn the love back it seems",3.466636363636365,5.723738754545457,4.361818181818183,83.38272727272731,75.0909090909091,7.309090909090909,26.45454545454545,8.238735603445708,1.9085636363636365,453,17,83,8,10,146,78,110,0.087,0.589,0.324,0.9863,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,3,2,7,9,0,1,6,0,8,2,0,1,1,16,22,3,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,3,12,8,10,15,1,12,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,1,8,57,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540110304084038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269069997407202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191297374910743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442924027209286,0.168895119866754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928980746189366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503503638472329,0.11790593481274872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751092844362308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199904900227485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291891936179174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070268777050787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189334258051454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979134371796895,0.0,0.1101667203663867,0.1673265375118551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836211191382008,0.0,0.0,0.35152838024299515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771931880175061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502479070483707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983942890031156,0.12705728386674564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elveswearingkhakis,2019/09/06,"Did anyone else here have an in denial borderline (or other cluster B) parent and do you also have a huge fear of becoming them? My mother has severe BPD and has refused treatment ever since she was a teenager. Her parents and the whole family BEGGED her to get anger and impulse therapy. She is the most manipulative, angry, unstable person you will meet. She is the only person I actually hate and sometimes if I think about her too much I physically hurt from how much anger I have towards her. I used to be in denial of my symptoms because “my mum has that and she is crazy, I hate her” “if I have BPD I’m terrible like my mum.”

Anyone relate?",3.8221428571428575,5.510399626984126,5.525587301587304,77.88885714285716,72.57142857142857,7.897142857142858,26.885714285714286,8.548686976883017,2.079100952380953,507,18,92,9,10,173,81,126,0.264,0.7020000000000001,0.033,-0.9868,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,0,6,8,4,1,6,0,15,1,0,3,1,16,21,11,0,2,3,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,23,1,9,17,4,5,0,1,0,0,21,4,0,4,2,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.15388793405894186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610893104586127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205285397107546,0.16157754294964885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612963435720627,0.1741621475399344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972235982401257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173424726584776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426444911086327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866116105088242,0.17745113405992854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238932260062969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31138306176054265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688161559624132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704199266644739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23184848438304997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993443551027752,0.0,0.0,0.3502040945435833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27538703035717355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815088278837818,0.0,0.13044724029531302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596475397009832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390587072840151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033839978458388,0.0,0.0,0.1010448261413314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619816863873005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606124985909613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,underratedperson,2019/02/24,"I think I’ve realized why I’m always looking for attention. I have a craving for attention, all the time. And I get it anyway I can, regardless of is it stresses other people or worries them. I self harm and tell people about it, and I purposely do terrible in school, all so that I get attention. I’ve always described it as being “addicted to attention”, but I’ve never known why I have this addiction. Until now. There are two reason I think I might be wanting so much attention: 


One- my parents are terrible people. They don’t validate my feelings and often make me feel terrible about myself.


Two- I’m subconsciously coping with my fear of abandonment. I think that if people feel bad for me and are worried, then they’re less likely to leave me.


It feels so good to have reasons as to why I feel certain ways.",3.0641983122362864,5.393466221518989,4.7990126582278485,79.41708438818569,76.65822784810126,8.26396624472574,27.62194092827005,9.029198982220553,2.6819961181434606,645,27,115,16,15,218,92,158,0.195,0.733,0.07200000000000001,-0.9676,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,9,11,0,2,2,0,13,2,0,3,4,36,28,15,0,3,3,1,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,17,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,0,6,21,3,16,25,4,7,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,4,6,85,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802457101548445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390395179400265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732191719644753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446383660642353,0.3249574891856682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430916703039805,0.0,0.0,0.10780962335506952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610071758117787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279603676043273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793759195893016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579855916788515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363560356873114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944885084372259,0.0,0.0991346342331345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709909788875464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272365260478534,0.0,0.0,0.3564418033074985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643121568409572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008496227426838,0.0,0.0,0.13409073850324815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723717801994868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234584278283267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708140575857615,0.0,0.0,0.07495018401020608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25112134919598245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581366960066249,0.10202563360484737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479503546542236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106842840861033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,col1092,2019/02/24,"I could have BPD Hey guys,

I'm going to get a mental health assessment, and I believe  I'm either complex PTSD, BPD, BPD and PTSD.

Would you'd be able to tell me in common man talk what a typical week is like? 

I'm not sure if I'm complex ptsd or bpd and I just want to be able to get the right therapy, and finally feel in control how I feel or at least be able to chill them out. 

thank you in advance 

",2.3393632958801507,2.6188620561797755,4.248932584269664,91.01961610486893,74.50561797752809,7.731086142322098,24.94569288389513,7.793537801064563,0.9940097378277152,309,9,76,4,6,106,55,89,0.024,0.9,0.077,0.5168,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,1,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,21,19,8,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,10,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,3,4,41,9,0,0.37640313540343867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135914590804866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6320887632322914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072270752106686,0.1001757584725872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688048993917453,0.0,0.0,0.13744374546485366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311034018545318,0.0,0.07130619202114451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423276068868393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336631050990766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061297186367120025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644194317479845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399951226138736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071487403342486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825183352320286,0.0,0.0,0.10084619411330813,0.10966431032745652,0.11551381190778842,0.1434832630641195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400410717663652,0.0,0.10064263031117028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912866261902018,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,avery_jn,2019/02/24,"I think I just realized why I’ve been addicted to attention. I have a craving for attention, all the time. And I get it anyway I can, regardless of is it stresses other people or worries them. I self harm and tell people about it, and I purposely do terrible in school, all so that I get attention. I’ve always described it as being “addicted to attention”, but I’ve never known why I have this addiction. Until now. There are two reason I think I might be wanting so much attention: 


One- my parents are terrible people. They don’t validate my feelings and often make me feel terrible about myself.


Two- I’m subconsciously coping with my fear of abandonment. I think that if people feel bad for me and are worried, then they’re less likely to leave me.


It feels so good to have reasons as to why I feel certain ways.",3.0641983122362864,5.393466221518989,4.7990126582278485,79.41708438818569,76.65822784810126,8.517130801687765,27.62194092827005,9.21078282632365,2.783768270042194,645,27,116,17,15,218,93,158,0.195,0.733,0.07200000000000001,-0.9676,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,10,11,0,2,2,0,14,3,0,3,4,37,27,15,0,3,4,1,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,17,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,1,5,22,3,16,23,4,7,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,4,6,88,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098075684122013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426500172536256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046256489214666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100458977741934,0.31679352238655684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309348931116764,0.0,0.0,0.1051011023485184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268143420828993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612184003732466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364302617735915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293033791065972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211465625209186,0.0,0.0966440565746552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491089122462063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391379800165545,0.0,0.0,0.3474868502909975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25767179388622563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681681382896826,0.0,0.0,0.13072195220460908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353811130213898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952335750084806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408739341340701,0.0,0.0,0.07306719674507184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448123813290727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739089888281416,0.0994624248371542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392087338648253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545095582401918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Real_Prince_Myshkin,2019/02/24,The sheer force of my loneliness is keeping me from falling asleep... Sleep alone. Wake up alone. Eat alone. Study alone. Play alone. Watch netflix alone. Celebrate things alone. All because I cannot for the life of me form a romantic relationship. Thanks for listening and good night (or have a good day!).,2.203333333333333,4.852741185185189,1.5937777777777808,93.25400000000002,100.11111111111113,5.863703703703704,22.06666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.256213333333334,240,9,45,5,10,69,42,54,0.263,0.4920000000000001,0.24600000000000002,0.5255,0,7,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,3,5,3,0,1,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,6,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9146918928082276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690982508552514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136684679929572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909965531668696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211644667083962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121424330666845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911501162612462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839855604330213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545542436861024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625744803259384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615700772348915,0.0,0.0,0.08381930498369773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lllsugam,2019/02/24,"DAE hate non-intense things Slightly confusing title but to clarify by things I mean activities, interests, career, relationships etc. 

I can't stand middle ground activities. Like if I'm gonna go on an outdoor date, I want camping for a week or no date, rather than a trip to the local park. If I'm gonna have sex, it's gotta be all night, five rounds, or none at all. If  I'm gonna get into a new fandom, I'm watching all seven seasons back to back or not at all. If I'm going into a new job, I'm pulling all nighters, or I don't give a single shit. 

Ive been finding it increasingly difficult to enjoy things in moderation, and it's incredibly draining of my time, money, energy as well as the time and energy of those around me (I tend to blow my money generously if I'm dragging other people into my shenanigans). Anything mediocre or mild just frustrates me to no end.

I know most people with BPD have intense relationships and opinions, but its affecting other aspects of my life as well.

DAE experience this too ? Anyone got any solutions?",5.3032775919732424,5.7752464106280215,6.866376811594204,74.19481605351172,67.98550724637681,9.654254923820142,31.86510590858417,9.661875296680813,2.995599331103679,825,33,155,17,13,285,126,207,0.077,0.765,0.158,0.945,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,3,1,8,0,7,3,1,1,5,36,28,18,0,7,15,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,3,0,2,5,6,5,2,2,2,2,13,5,24,21,10,29,0,0,2,1,3,11,1,13,13,98,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853232534175447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115948509275232,0.0,0.13133581250869722,0.1420763349091673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24544250175343496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100848755740175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135673356323986,0.0,0.1779943063172915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611777411483066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586996623415538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338353109031639,0.1531012440810115,0.18140679784722608,0.0,0.12764535006888636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757029182753396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837669870698545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771105867933822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127290079833299,0.07797167385271771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384935013289693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082820894151324,0.0,0.14977220477079972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212907491359278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34269771919230674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638253742653366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180900813986236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861261189186136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413521974694476,0.0,0.1280201394449568,0.0,0.2869960998021078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GoblinThot95,2019/02/24,"Dissociation What do you do to ground yourself when you find yourself in a dissociative state?  When my mind gets too overwhelmed with stress, it shuts down and i will dissociate for an uncontrolled amount of time and its extremely frustrating... I would type out more but i am dissociating right now and its taking an immense amount of effort to even put these thoughts into words right now. 
I keep on typing more and more shit out and then deleting it cus i cant tell if what I'm saying makes sense or is relevant or anything, idk, maybe none of this is making sense at all, i just dont know what to do. I've never posted here before but i lurk everyday and it is comforting and helpful to me to see how many other people can relate to BPD and it makes me feel less crazy and alone.",4.62409090909091,5.872488811688314,5.118051948051949,83.3042207792208,69.97402597402598,8.197402597402599,25.688311688311693,8.575989854853784,1.5840467532467533,623,18,125,10,11,199,104,154,0.11199999999999999,0.835,0.053,-0.81,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,9,6,2,3,3,0,12,1,1,4,2,33,23,18,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,12,13,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,3,12,1,18,20,8,22,0,1,1,0,5,11,1,3,8,88,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503307197204056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496364375288688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602385181392724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371707081424503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069871338817654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437742751578194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952155374332329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211254912104335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838455756979372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622067875208334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673791838975003,0.0,0.0,0.1034906244591394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770965215776068,0.19091747203237847,0.1891833877867251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014010450563698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452368046726521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305509143313006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803495766555204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930424420923705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216325820024896,0.0,0.1497522102220764,0.0,0.0,0.15005923054135029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329820595319971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570924662259328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415861950964971,0.0,0.16459183362358226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494976446630225,0.10980547131157198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377050350362973,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Isonomic_Insomniac,2019/02/24,"So what do you do when you need professional help, but you are jobless and uninsured? BTW I know it's not good to self diagnose, I've just been crossposting this because I really need help, thank you for understanding

I am 19 years old (live in ""wonderful"" state of Texas), I live with my parents who do not have health insurance. I have not seen a doctor since I was required by the state for school when I was 12.

So I have been struggling with undiagnosed mental problems for a long time. I have had social anxiety since I was a kid and it has only gotten worse through the years, I also had my childhood stutter return which is really affecting my confidence and ability to socially function. I've also been suicidal probably since I was 14, and it's really gotten worse through the years. Based off internet research (so take it with a grain of salt), I think there is a good chance I have Borderline Personality Disorder; I suffer from most of the symptoms like regular self-harming (I cut everyday), unstable self-image and identity (especially when it comes to orientation and gender), dissociation (usually happens when I am talking to someone), I have volatile relationships with my few family members and friends, but at the same time I intensely fear that will leave me or kick me out. And I have intense episode of depression and anxiety that last for variable amounts of time, and of course I always feel empty and always like I should be doing something else. Regardless of what is specifically I could have, I know something is very wrong and I need professional help.

So my question is, honestly what do you do in a situation like this? I've been trying to find very low cost healthcare options, but I haven't found anything that I could possibly afford (which is very little), especially since these problems are really affecting my ability to land any sort of job (I really am trying, despite what my parents say). Even then I imagine there's lots of mental things that are not covered regardless on cheap plans.

It just feel like there's no reason for me to be alive, because I'm tapped out in trying to improve myself, there's only so much I can do alone on my own. I just feel so hopeless, like the best case scenario in my life now is that I cope until I can't anymore, and then I kill myself. I feel like that time is coming soon. I just want to be able to hold a job, and live a life, but I don't think it's going to happen for me.",7.514743589743588,7.067802935897441,7.822338461538461,72.32266153846156,63.444444444444436,11.419623931623931,36.027692307692305,10.878246069084,3.9072916923076924,1946,81,357,46,25,639,220,468,0.174,0.6940000000000001,0.132,-0.9771,6,1,2,0,0,2,58.0,0,5,0,3,23,24,2,2,14,0,51,6,0,3,0,70,77,34,2,11,13,2,4,6,1,2,6,1,0,3,24,22,0,2,15,0,2,3,8,12,0,0,14,7,57,12,45,56,8,41,0,4,1,0,21,13,0,7,29,247,81,8,0.07424957971790735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690017208612933,0.0,0.11875472414955245,0.12356319667023215,0.0,0.0,0.05049226033475599,0.0,0.11360145050832482,0.0,0.07363563162292737,0.0,0.0,0.06110107763363841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052370927270677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792035307890613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791887683976486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856449532291935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395105421205866,0.07536176047230139,0.0,0.0,0.08509645103863486,0.07599759106536058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202599635633856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049041147139213766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999589571467199,0.08355141979456046,0.15017127382249454,0.10608782917248108,0.0,0.0,0.06786277071761462,0.0,0.0,0.08141083174685512,0.0573650411060092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04219774723592282,0.12455404943986273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131731626308565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892383117325734,0.0,0.0,0.1493037845128349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736250194384806,0.0,0.08214615896740958,0.0,0.08161125443739825,0.06052331742948805,0.0,0.07861958412829245,0.0,0.0,0.10488934795140302,0.2176475649541888,0.07441758494182586,0.1966912176188177,0.0657085415523344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312433748606743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965222533624847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458198435880034,0.16516536764345954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791244379025575,0.0,0.0,0.11294030237934305,0.0,0.0,0.16489074286278274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483186906987873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370524492758588,0.0,0.0,0.08005360509226363,0.14209364033052768,0.0,0.0,0.08317652209865098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378309101822004,0.07634093420004813,0.0,0.07971626148752585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059046245951593225,0.0,0.07514453867039694,0.0,0.0,0.23237551463223696,0.0,0.0,0.2456800784665549,0.0834596385383675,0.0,0.15137619210469724,0.06291142794598956,0.11432190794620875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762178203328615,0.0,0.08121698901695115,0.0,0.0,0.07717374298321883,0.05582644347365755,0.059678999653161965,0.0,0.06835903725860679,0.0,0.0,0.049328121519890376,0.09515226523321724,0.0,0.0,0.1731821081312597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123177227412588,0.0,0.0,0.07729643103841058,0.0,0.0,0.08177542215766502,0.18379103793695725,0.04379432585789801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052050192905286,0.0,0.0,0.1513333301032114,0.0,0.08118025952723543,0.0,0.14344288491071278
bpd,ughhhh192837,2019/02/24,"Partner dumped me but now that we realize he is my FP he wants to help When we met I thought I had BPD. 9 months ago I was told I do not, it is just CPTSD. Last week my partner dumped me and I ended up in the hospital due to suicide ideation/I wanted a diagnosis. Turns out BPD can actually be a manifestation of toxic coping mechanisms to deal with CPTSD which perfectly explains my bizarre and otherwise seemingly erratic behaviour. I have a lot of shit to work through and now my partner wants to be there for me. 

It’s a nice thought but ultimately it just feels fucking weird. We sleep in the same bed with the dog between us and no contact. I am so lonely and I feel like he’s only sticking around to appease his own conscience...

How am I supposed to believe he still loves me and wants things to work out when we are all of the sudden roommates? He seems to just want to put things on pause for now but after two years it’s really not that easy for me and I don’t know how to let him be my FP anymore, especially in a platonic way...

I am also terrified of overstepping boundaries bc I still feel really strongly toward him but now obviously he is kind of in control of things... Gahhhh",2.7121607142857123,4.615226037500001,4.35464285714286,84.19750000000002,76.125,7.904761904761906,28.095238095238088,8.704169506293173,2.1940238095238103,939,40,192,20,21,315,137,240,0.14400000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.107,-0.8914,0,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,5,0,0,5,17,12,4,0,9,0,17,4,2,3,3,48,36,17,1,5,9,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,10,16,0,1,10,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,6,3,30,6,35,26,4,29,0,1,0,2,24,10,2,3,18,136,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.12562416121296074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411342238341265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294717893887337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766785657159954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145990455526877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503722611870987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32426766691010994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438422798653844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271735530821602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401861372021932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527276630545515,0.09196638543239967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901094292574314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862865514365405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405488728125664,0.07074790897086533,0.10493401140894693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163750520080994,0.0,0.06289210239959782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944360341222696,0.11618593259393699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027528988110932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790671993658548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941152405937406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493842375071105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343861138451829,0.0,0.0,0.13214186261295538,0.0,0.0,0.1288252753577646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561157240361155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081224913082488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565720726915157,0.0,0.0,0.20439814352756566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300923549148254,0.0,0.0,0.14002378297872192,0.12575275784211815,0.0,0.15484911423920308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796482483444299,0.10218171284502088,0.10326129120161733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874373045444538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289938468364794
bpd,mojo_jo_jo_,2019/02/24,"I feel betrayed over everything and I’m sick of it Someone can tell me any little thing about something I’m doing and I feel totally betrayed and want to run away and cry. My boyfriend just told me I eat too loudly and I had to storm off like lol I wish I wasn’t like this. I can feel that it’s not normal, but the smallest things just feel like such betrayal to me. like they don’t understand me. Can anyone else relate?",0.3930681818181832,2.750676715909094,1.8777272727272736,95.84909090909092,88.6590909090909,5.0181818181818185,19.363636363636363,6.574015621080383,0.10339545454545496,333,10,73,4,11,107,58,88,0.154,0.685,0.161,-0.3331,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,0,1,18,17,6,0,3,4,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,13,4,8,14,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729077170140253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411647926412609,0.20685812707859025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896804337207144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217645020694013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658183843555208,0.1686515289442974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144392804080384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083225811992665,0.14422883664400796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945291410787213,0.2023448266542595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780738760606936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710590580472936,0.15542325556683306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645902171331002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682508497400204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291264789835968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017254123049967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190787806549196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321612511792592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,transcendentialist,2019/02/24,"Leave from work for treatment I feel like I need treatment for my bpd and am not getting it due to my life schedule i.e. work school children. Right now I feel like something is going to give and that taking leave from work and school to get treatment is the adult/ healthy way to handle it before I have another breakdown and fuck my life up even more. I have been relying on cannabis and alcohol to cope but I dont want to anymore. I want to be sober, alive, and watch my daughter grow up. I'm fighting the stupid fucking stigma the mental diseases aren't serious enough and that I should just suck it up, but to what end? Has anyone else taken leave for treatment of bpd? Did it help? Did you get a lot of shit from work? I'm worried not just from admin but the rumor mill that starts up if anyone is out longer than a day. I'm not sure what to do.

Thanks for reading, this is my first post so be nice please. I just need advice.",3.0492280701754377,4.516257747368424,3.3857894736842127,93.34885964912284,74.15789473684211,5.908771929824562,24.24561403508772,6.079149491110277,0.43276140350877146,732,22,158,4,15,226,109,190,0.149,0.731,0.11900000000000001,-0.6455,0,0,2,0,2,0,19.0,0,1,0,5,6,12,6,0,6,0,17,6,1,0,1,27,38,12,0,6,10,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,10,8,1,0,2,1,0,2,5,7,0,1,4,3,15,5,26,31,3,18,0,0,1,2,8,7,4,2,9,98,25,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573083785096935,0.0,0.1265682915613982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418676988133916,0.0,0.0,0.11745318532178065,0.16562147179051992,0.12134806001398345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077730800750086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29832309712268706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637914471913626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880197142517345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893513078172336,0.0,0.10489601476079402,0.12237239929183046,0.0,0.07822352869641612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976602947199735,0.16921635878656796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073859748221632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897781806868216,0.18562823052523186,0.113611215781475,0.06730790131118132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938278740482793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762086525648745,0.0,0.0,0.1673047103921495,0.11572024402671174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068704981077684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935207296274765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756323499643625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000328616813905,0.0,0.0,0.11342556737724392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846451833412187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114068127346404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397199625194977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156922732967182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911751005892424,0.0,0.0,0.08382711100367732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162120027789182,0.0,0.089046477454616,0.0,0.0,0.1090367053910586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970907718617476,0.09400618117648438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448809913171544,0.12027392094173593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatisupmydoggy,2019/02/24,"Are break ups harder for people with BPD? I'm new to typing on Reddit so I'm sorry if the format is hard to read. Me and my girlfriend of 5 months (we have a lot of history and have been on again off again since 2014 with a couple years in between at one point) just broke up yesterday and I have never felt so low in my life.
 It feels like she made up her mind long before we broke up.. I'm hateful, I'm selfish, I always think I'm right. I thought she was an unreasonable girl, but I got to thinking last night that I probably just thought that because I expected her to change, where I wouldn't. 
I don't blame her at all, I wouldn't want to be with me either. I wish my parents never had me. Everyone would be better off if I just jumped in front of a train.
 I have no friends and a broken family. Why do I have to be such a piece of shit? ",1.0789285714285732,2.597584296703296,2.980315934065935,93.95530906593409,79.65934065934066,6.088461538461537,20.166208791208803,6.9077264865688965,0.14442747252747254,650,16,154,7,16,218,109,182,0.155,0.7709999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.8658,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,0,1,9,9,2,0,7,0,18,2,1,1,3,34,34,9,0,8,7,1,3,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,6,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,8,3,26,3,28,20,4,31,0,3,0,0,11,17,1,3,12,106,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294492271825273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739686134495154,0.0,0.13595606510060054,0.0,0.0,0.14130728437404955,0.0,0.0,0.2012299952009337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901990440624926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678709881693835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267108252568004,0.0,0.0,0.1506208838416006,0.0,0.08078662955813119,0.11414271102360105,0.15340827533261592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344114043797755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778601288887545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312628858604154,0.15774393138105472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023728707488205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285323326963255,0.07805759719828004,0.0,0.0,0.14139512757861028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583430009702693,0.0,0.15118219879366307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132638223685436,0.0,0.12753023162417335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464554053591045,0.15431090529405,0.0,0.14993725097630328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826712401088676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741032651779118,0.0,0.0,0.11076730372869777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510382501723133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226359675222727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981742403306107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364462825947951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640059068042618,0.13216685843892162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788541212944952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047536950934888,0.0,0.2536857148482443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423895502177264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417135236423856,0.0,0.18373242980278015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349899820636335,0.0,0.0,0.1028893379411472
bpd,whyohwhyohwhy56844,2019/02/24,"DAE constantly daydream about how perfect they could be? So I get myself worked up about how I'm not perfect, or how no one likes me. I go to my room and fantasize for HOURS. I daydream about an ideal me, I'm pretty, skinny, no acne, socially adept, funny, smart, etc. My narratives are not creative, they're basically one long circle jerk about what I would be if I was literally perfect.

I was curious if any other fellow borderlines had this and if it's related to BPD. I'm trying to make heads or tails of my mental state and I wanted to see if excessive daydreaming is a stand alone disorder. ",3.9905128205128193,5.543165658119658,5.7176068376068425,77.22461538461542,71.90598290598291,9.302564102564103,28.384615384615394,9.725611199111238,2.8470615384615385,470,18,87,12,9,161,80,117,0.106,0.6779999999999999,0.21600000000000005,0.9476,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,5,8,7,1,0,2,0,9,2,2,4,3,22,17,13,0,8,8,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,1,14,6,11,10,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,6,4,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377597910145643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611186476408334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891286971617259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480778810308099,0.0,0.1832887291731384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631010291155944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560253177022057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199380782465854,0.0,0.1304669065351556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355996065695096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22607498236866697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215371425605826,0.0,0.0,0.20315753116725171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323621656581424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23134721844939024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111179571361383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335498248952761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829333401384996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340122968716033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585935893782815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354032049750861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671258321214817,0.0,0.0,0.16307617285285628,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nazemova,2019/02/24,"I made my gf mad for the first time in 5 years after an meltdown last night (Questions/Advice) 
Hi, first time poster,  please let me know if I’m doing any of this wrong. (The TW is only a mention but thought it was needed for context)

Last night I (22F) had a pretty severe meltdown, self harmed for the first time in over a year and sent a text to my gf (22F)  of five years that I shouldn’t have sent. I’m looking to apologise without just saying that I’m sorry 

I said she should break up with me, that I’m not good for her and an awful person. This girl is the biggest sweetheart I’ve ever had the privilege to meet, and I feel awful that she’s with me of all people a lot, I feel she could do a lot better. This isn’t the first time I’ve sent her a text like this but yesterday she got angry say that she hated it when I didn’t take her feelings as true and insinuate that  she’s with me out of pity. 

We did call later (though most of it was me crying) and we (sort of) talked things through. She’s a seriously rational person and was trying to communicate but I wasn’t all there. 

As I come to, I can see that she was right for getting mad and that I need to stop saying stuff like that but I can’t not stop believing it. 

I’ve already said this morning that I was sorry for last night, but I don’t feel like it’s enough, that it needs a little more but I don’t know what to even say. 

Any help is super appreciated. I really love her and don’t want to mess things up. 

For background, I was diagnosed with BPD at 18, am taking meds (though only antidepressants), sewing a therapist and have a psychiatrist. My mood swings are very frequent, particularly in the past year and a half. ",3.7790672612411735,4.205171413105415,4.8848160535117096,87.22214046822744,71.33618233618233,7.8137495354886655,24.09277839712623,7.7425588080867325,0.9100646847516408,1310,31,294,15,23,432,166,351,0.14300000000000002,0.708,0.15,0.7696,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,0,6,7,19,3,0,21,2,30,2,0,1,4,54,60,22,0,8,11,0,4,3,3,2,1,6,0,4,26,18,0,2,7,0,0,4,11,8,0,6,19,12,39,10,38,37,7,43,0,1,2,1,37,11,0,5,30,193,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676189790953823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797896620996756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075678379857925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003285494018402,0.0,0.07852512984633564,0.0,0.0,0.11182446518682593,0.0,0.09066173516870044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648237597150948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088941469927673,0.0,0.09752865286837303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011721554649622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174098979543603,0.0,0.05864315801136701,0.08031317374264943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795740567516015,0.06342964726726477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020896443023171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046387686822930624,0.0,0.0,0.07447055409942632,0.07101129498803982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765905274479659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951223912732235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759032911469843,0.2171204391272215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079100459121132,0.0,0.13013093378674162,0.08898817517827311,0.0,0.0,0.07455894966691147,0.0,0.0,0.1509675329188337,0.08013398251112859,0.08401266674478024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862264728134992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750391900959532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499625299687461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350534476585975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475750083348975,0.061553917383340775,0.1550512483423164,0.0,0.09746176604155717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032857865638504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568794021322953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582384804341871,0.16891406192308486,0.2824288201487479,0.0,0.0,0.0707519631452737,0.0,0.09262449199966162,0.1003043488787314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987801713183544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846027568629327,0.0,0.0,0.10164018813297508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351396273602076,0.07136384874289063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308886998712237,0.11797264107559055,0.0,0.17446609451341288,0.07048717901154856,0.2070902971142435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028073182868876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325880073872278,0.05236903541419044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558776507860857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707494756077548,0.0,0.2287043773410973
bpd,anika2238,2019/02/24,"Memories feel like they didn’t happen? Not diagnosed, just started suspecting I might be high functioning in the last few days. A lot of what Ive been reading here and I elsewhere sounds like me to some degree or another.
Anywho, onto my question:
I’m wondering if anyone else here feels like their memories almost aren’t real, or like they have an intangible feel to them and have to be backed up by similar physical circumstances to feel real.
Like I had my sister visit me for a whole month last year and I cried before she even came because I dreaded when she would leave because I knew once she was gone either immediately or within a few days it would feel as though she’d never even come to begin with!
It’s really upsetting sometimes.",5.471901408450705,6.8358033732394405,6.235323943661975,75.65016901408453,68.08450704225352,9.623661971830987,28.9887323943662,9.888512548439397,2.9071273239436626,597,21,105,14,10,196,99,142,0.08800000000000001,0.8140000000000001,0.09699999999999999,0.077,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,8,7,0,2,5,0,14,1,0,0,1,31,28,10,0,3,7,1,5,5,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,9,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,7,6,19,5,14,15,6,20,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,10,16,76,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359203750297328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233142692612474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491003120571467,0.1390779593753054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043728958236452,0.0,0.16548727178084066,0.0,0.11550165983209565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524625532508204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692487033264205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491000370412095,0.1750774686491817,0.0,0.0,0.1377695659773691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133903261252422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930519441315412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431619545365752,0.19394019047559102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200312303845902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341293531794472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128652838028576,0.0,0.1437252250318263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315696887900978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539821420786542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399484633075038,0.0,0.0,0.1083434815538698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468826224304567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455481212666427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205580757697307,0.0,0.1357731097340126,0.3089954282365169,0.08695619918233527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424674815975088,0.0,0.09607490665590526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336030176430635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154481810073894,0.0,0.0,0.14720031131866632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284645627857475,0.0,0.0,0.08740977684544228
bpd,paroxys,2019/02/24,"I believe in love, but I can't whenever I fall for someone their inevitable absence hurts too much. ",7.90157894736842,7.3992381052631595,7.346315789473685,76.23421052631579,62.68421052631579,9.705263157894738,45.31578947368421,8.841846274778883,4.323905263157895,80,5,14,1,1,25,17,19,0.21,0.6579999999999999,0.132,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318059591558513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053081779940152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260173265652729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34698970174500754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999418100271363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,the_real_KTG,2019/02/24,"Body language and face expressions does anyone else gets super triggered about how someone reacts to you or how they say or do certain things literally every single detail about them gets me off 

sometimes a conversation doesn't go the way you like or you don't get the reply you were seeking and it's not their fault but it's sooo infuriating and irritating. we all have that one friend who replies with ""okay"" after you wrote like 50 pages of your personal life or issues and this is the reason why i don't like opening up to people because literally no one cares or at least that's how i feel and i'm pretty certain. ",4.7939577594123035,6.343987991735537,5.451680440771352,79.92277318640956,69.9090909090909,7.691827364554638,27.49403122130395,8.167268648758528,1.8012582185491277,501,17,93,7,9,162,86,121,0.08199999999999999,0.7070000000000001,0.21,0.9406,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,6,3,1,6,10,0,0,4,1,7,3,2,6,3,26,15,14,0,0,7,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,2,2,13,9,10,13,4,7,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,5,4,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544474499942298,0.2131298249448203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680036946065892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105113174667605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120790615378119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820300973587814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376484718397447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525657283201165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517561175993068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607072548133191,0.0,0.3260283870389062,0.0,0.11821632107016995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171073770743368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692292416629366,0.3048681043909093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28190459395609696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420726543964674,0.1816254551858993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161995650032756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138679190084078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541712358188446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624536976975713,0.0,0.20572624205312728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381919517831387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510788005647886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769578909408935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stuartmcbride,2019/02/24,"Feeling like everyone hates you I always overanalyze eye contact. In my current living situation, I feel like I've embarrased myself so much since I've moved to the dorm I've been living in. And now I'm sure they either think I'm disgusting or toxic. I have a hallmate that keep insinuating that I'm lying. And I keep overthinking about all the times I've lied and all the times that I've lied without even recognizing that I lied. Sometimes I just lie without even caring about the consequences and now I'm just so regretful of all the actions that I feel like I had no control over because I was just acting impulsively and habitually. Now I just feel like everyone on my hall is talking shit about me and that everyone on campus that knows my hallmates think I'm toxic and disgusting too. And I'm feeling like my FP is starting to dislike me at times too. Shes lives nearby in my hall. I just cant tell her how much I care for her because I'm scared shell be weirded out for some reason. And now I feel like because of my other hallmates shes starting to dislike me. I just wanna leave this place and start over somewhere else. But then again I feel trapped because I feel like no matter where I go, people will start to dislike me because of my impulsive actions and strange mood swings. I just wanna find people that will support me and understand me, but everyone I meet makes me feel like I'm just trash that no one likes.",6.486753533568907,6.336696939929329,6.860775176678448,77.37759386042406,65.46643109540636,9.61916961130742,34.29527385159011,9.188382445141503,2.9366256183745585,1146,47,219,18,16,373,130,283,0.138,0.76,0.102,-0.7984,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,24,21,4,1,6,0,12,2,2,4,4,56,45,19,0,3,14,0,9,9,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,13,0,3,15,0,0,5,6,7,0,1,3,10,40,13,25,39,7,32,0,1,1,0,10,13,1,2,23,140,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721622211069332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462165884635111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472312577159814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060270502060896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748211862552284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671011199135534,0.0,0.0,0.3087586402881764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676074822891525,0.461679417888785,0.0,0.0,0.07383232536102159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459096758131056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975446456720686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360364107432252,0.0,0.0,0.04439509783513082,0.0,0.0,0.08553536281715099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35518942845552115,0.0,0.21399317801680384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392191178739808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585736628522563,0.11876658690515632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473926274134125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200667972570214,0.0,0.08439890000859307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305627124592611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087582388267864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292048491828118,0.06682283708818477,0.0908011730425645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989442568849166,0.0,0.2287086903949403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166926542211698,0.07613508991962067,0.0,0.0,0.06492866814924865,0.0706061113726057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352234268138437,0.0,0.0,0.1413120657215066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409581844839678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573990737091334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Turensi,2019/02/24,"Stop listening to them Warning: long and somewhat unstructured post. Also, my first post on this forum (and reddit in general), I've been reading for quite some time but usually shy away from posting because english is not my first language and I feel ashamed for doing mistakes because you know...not being good enough and stuff.

However, right now I'm just to angry to say nothing. I've read some posts and a lot of you are dealing with a lot of really dumb people (dumb is maybe not the right word as people do not mistreat us on purpose, they just never learnt how to speak and more importantly how to listen). What pushed me over the edge was the post of a fellow sufferer who got the response most of you know too damn well “everyone feels like this sometimes“. Invalidation at its finest.
This is so infuriating, I don't even know where to start. First of all, this is not a competition, even if that statement would be true, which it isn't, doesn't mean that my feelings are any less important. 
Secondly, I never asked for your dumb opinion. People always have this strong need to solve our problems for us because they can't stand our (or theit own) pain. But I never wanted them to solve my problems, I just wanted them to listen. If they don't get my point how could their opinion have any value to me? I mean they clearly miss the point.
Thirdly, I also don't want your judgement. This is kind of redundant as their judgement is their opinion. Judging in general is a really dysfunctional thing, the head of someone else is a really dangerous place to be and so is our own. There is nothing wrong or right with how we or anybody else feel, judging (“i shouldn't feel this way“) leads to self-hatred and self-hatred keeps you stuck forever right where you are.

What I'm trying to say is: don't listen to their opinions or judgements about how you should or shouldn't feel. No thought is real but every feeling is. Yes, most of our feelings arise from our distorted perspective and even more our harsh critisism about us and others. Or in general, our judgements. But still, every feeling you have is valid and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, in fact they are crucial feedback. I am angry? I judge myself or someone else because I think something shouldn't be as it is. I feel guilt or shame? I judge myself and most likely feel that I shouldn't have done something or that I should be better.

Everyone of you deserves empathy for how you feel and reading that some of you are bombarded with judgements and bullshit drives me mad. Take care of yourself and remember that your feelings are never wrong, if something needs “correction“ it's your perspective.
And please stop listening to such dumb shit and please don't take people's self-absorbance personally. 
I wish you all a beautiful day.",5.867310606060606,7.10443171590909,5.639848484848487,80.7506060606061,67.06818181818181,8.442424242424243,31.14393939393939,8.680891452615391,2.45215303030303,2238,87,405,34,36,694,231,528,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.126,-0.9865,1,0,3,0,0,0,65.0,11,15,13,7,28,29,8,3,13,1,53,3,2,7,10,121,95,46,0,20,23,0,13,2,1,7,1,8,0,1,24,22,0,3,21,3,0,3,21,20,1,5,6,21,65,9,51,76,17,44,0,2,0,0,52,18,6,25,18,295,89,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901635109015937,0.05151280065252137,0.0,0.0,0.08419975562986089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787605593629089,0.0,0.058165038950272786,0.0,0.0,0.1509552978800571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475300464190026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311980407615482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049428870218827366,0.0,0.0,0.03992583711668179,0.06382490702711995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335385187338062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514973090759301,0.0,0.0,0.06396799152006033,0.0,0.1226698679427362,0.0,0.10432110044246536,0.11831237897241235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069361278600723,0.044227418382558836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579779211679325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032344616773167405,0.0,0.0,0.051925881590644055,0.049513853357721384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635359436953189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055027086493016096,0.0,0.06446813754981129,0.10206981676078704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049069587127225,0.0,0.0,0.05478704166559919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526472285823107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219537221042334,0.13487293072830253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180868184480094,0.19099049300145776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782085199701283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587496957089994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167813314348696,0.05405608202643069,0.06468116735681702,0.13591380336266187,0.11704701635760645,0.0,0.29645597267577445,0.0,0.0,0.1184760764626759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584727093152447,0.1857756491188869,0.07046538445384458,0.11898044008608813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013022031748246,0.21147795677700634,0.0,0.09846418930393164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937520861284301,0.0,0.06354814768630505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490967970652884,0.14298047832071886,0.06122905296523962,0.0,0.04381912879755369,0.0,0.0494401785730432,0.10351649439735028,0.0,0.0,0.07087037873784674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309491924112974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112923198643057,0.03966844337700275,0.0,0.0491484044300994,0.036099322667079305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203178264196606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340477543264856,0.0,0.06818342570281549,0.0,0.10954564652370886,0.0491400563781547,0.0,0.0,0.05566314320173305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119167724736694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043977995919828816,0.20306155742022225,0.0,0.0
bpd,littleblondie1983,2019/02/24,Could anyone recommend a good DBT book? I strongly believe my husband has BPD. He is awaiting to see a psychologist who i’m hoping could diagnose him. Is there a book I could get him to help him regulate his emotions? Even if I’m wrong and it isn’t BPD his mood swings are very severe and he becomes suicidal. The book would need to be quite simple to follow as he has trouble concentrating and isn’t an avid reader. ,3.3385714285714267,5.223287228915666,4.6728399311531845,82.67951807228917,74.30120481927709,7.634423407917385,27.5197934595525,8.418075326091056,2.016309466437177,332,13,64,6,7,110,57,83,0.142,0.69,0.168,0.0943,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,0,0,10,19,5,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,3,5,14,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,2,0,38,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336433280142892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108931335491352,0.0,0.21533932898323424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814459271734114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578079572701753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399407062033694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499679232191352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624030677897513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099858125208037,0.0,0.0,0.16031172116770345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811116555286228,0.0,0.0,0.1898363352427881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172130885236622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329148035361924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230676238382015,0.0,0.0,0.2159237701909231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906643109427364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770319664100554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357740687966344,0.20897188310100612,0.0,0.0
bpd,LonelyLuna7,2019/02/24,"Ways to cope? I've had a pretty bad couple of days. Weed has always been my number one life saver, best way to cope I have, but I must leave it for a while to get in a course and I seriously don't know how to deal with myself, I've only been sober for a day and suicide's suddenly been crossing my mind again lmao. I'm medicated and go to therapy with 2 different psychiatrists but I live in an underdeveloped country so mental health treatments aren't exactly the best down here. Going out with and stuff like that are out off limits because all my ""friends"" do is take advantage of me, steal my money and sell me drugs lmao
Halp pls",2.273837209302325,4.328171519379843,3.878468992248063,86.40281976744188,77.99224806201549,7.090697674418602,22.377906976744185,8.07648339933343,1.1189116279069773,502,15,105,9,12,167,92,129,0.07,0.7190000000000001,0.21,0.9668,1,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,6,0,12,4,0,1,3,19,18,10,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,2,3,0,1,4,0,11,5,18,13,3,16,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,66,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990919180190532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042771986788075,0.10982506491960456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378137745534452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934579345174344,0.0,0.2323791328896937,0.1857390805405371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823091349023013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893068796064773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919269137776602,0.0,0.09412719359436628,0.0,0.20478039916305404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915037497236158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901230725926513,0.0,0.0,0.1907655132608521,0.0,0.0,0.12725372767740742,0.08801803837813099,0.0,0.15908632053529645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149423112240776,0.18156089156050706,0.0,0.18191223164426795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208241373448372,0.13702129685698675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328949323876514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624235267172428,0.1970679540868258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545938026588658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603091436137155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860083724214544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,punamface,2019/02/24,"How do you guys rid yourselves of jealousy? I mean jealousy of all kinds too.

* The kind where you get pissed off seeing other people happy.
* The kind where your lover spoke to someone else and it haunted you.
* The kind where you're feeling like you're missing out on fun things your peers are doing, but it just pisses you off instead of makes you sad. 
* The kind where you're just overwhelmed with bitterness towards any sign of other people being happy at all, even in situations that are completely attainable by you. You just don't give a shit enough to put yourself in those situations.

I'm just frustrated. I've had a long day. I needed this.",2.3907317073170735,5.209879455284554,2.8616585365853666,89.15102439024393,83.71544715447155,5.231219512195122,22.021138211382112,6.742157984588678,0.7069343089430893,515,17,95,6,15,159,80,123,0.168,0.62,0.21100000000000002,0.6582,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,9,0,1,12,18,5,1,6,0,7,4,3,2,2,16,17,3,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,2,4,11,10,16,14,3,15,0,3,1,1,13,12,3,0,3,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935860985159676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429161143201122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875330570221113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496357990453587,0.0,0.0,0.14219791284386735,0.0,0.09089649774199796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958464293856532,0.0983155236709303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190060040320011,0.13201733277496108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626511527404253,0.0,0.29299740718257106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7165485727060605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723402200826166,0.0,0.0,0.121789082173935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918622020268239,0.0,0.0,0.149908171203763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204324560654147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908163101094064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834578468132555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966506368960774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126461924715278,0.0,0.30938056258821484,0.0,0.0,0.11660470445370145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142839733380677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tmquin,2019/02/24,"What does splitting feel like for you? I went to a therapist set on the fact that I have BPD and she told me I wasn't emotional enough and that I'm just a really sensitive person. However, I've been ""splitting"" on my girlfriend and I just wanted to know if my idea of splitting is the same as people who have been diagnosed.

For me, my girlfriend will do something small and all of a sudden I resent her. It's like all of a sudden I fully hate her and have thoughts of breaking up with her and want to get as far away as possible. Its like this feeling in my chest of ""get away from me."" I'll leave the room, ignore her but at the same time theres this voice in my head telling me that I'm being stupid, I'm just splitting on her and to just stop it but I can't. I can go back to idealizing her in about 20 minutes once I snap myself out of it.

I would really love to hear your opinion, the only person I know that has BPD says she doesn't experience splitting and I just feel really lost!

​

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​",3.981664420485174,4.516641438679244,4.9543935309973035,86.51311320754719,70.93396226415095,8.132614555256065,26.935309973045825,8.192908349453996,1.5065083557951486,803,25,174,11,14,263,113,212,0.092,0.826,0.08199999999999999,-0.2378,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,0,2,8,10,3,0,9,0,15,4,2,0,3,37,35,14,0,5,8,0,3,3,2,2,1,3,1,2,12,10,0,2,7,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,7,6,32,5,31,25,5,23,0,1,0,1,20,14,0,2,8,122,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487699630050012,0.3911341423534723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016188201209051,0.0825050535845456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27027455992168736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890457080436164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389665055646844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069509814016907,0.0,0.11086686443040833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495741549915838,0.0,0.0,0.16275832086745712,0.07665326175495771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211689339096136,0.0,0.06097956739383975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593393790960444,0.1101180557453953,0.0,0.12093193284416034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211256691660216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793565571729266,0.0,0.0,0.113612421109191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726022388146124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171277529913637,0.0,0.09684006456808446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142681960321011,0.0,0.08160448402514323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438648557113009,0.18737584767794102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209616616674338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621232599991773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532717432112642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260275662611123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970540482784363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378262970948027,0.0,0.0,0.12458051519425473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518212564504121,0.06256595864676405,0.0,0.0,0.10252723407659338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657353626906567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946573590260276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622097232856989,0.0,0.3911341423534723,0.0
bpd,mermaidcarmen,2019/02/24,"Im Going to be homeless... One of my last posts I said my friend and her mom were offering me a place to live. I already gave them the rent money before I even moved in, me and her mom talked in person and she never told me anything about a deposit or any specifics. Her daughter and I got into an argument and she said that she doesn't want me to stress out her mom because I cant pay the bills since I don't have a real job. To be honest, thats wasn't my concern so... But now I need to get my money back and her daughter is saying that her mom might or might not give me the money. Im going to call her mom again because she comes back in town today, but I think Im going to stay at a homeless shelter when my mom finally kicks me out. I don't really know the point of this post, but I'm feeling really shitty. I don't think I'll kill myself but I'm probably going to feel like it when I sleep on the cold ass street.",2.9438992042440297,2.985299320197047,4.683251231527095,89.29868510799547,73.03940886699506,7.428419856006062,23.989768851837816,7.010146845296331,0.6877642288745731,714,17,168,6,13,244,111,203,0.076,0.8440000000000001,0.08,-0.0889,4,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,0,9,5,1,1,10,0,13,2,2,0,1,28,34,15,1,2,7,8,2,1,1,2,0,3,1,1,5,10,0,0,5,0,7,6,8,2,0,1,7,6,35,3,19,23,0,31,0,0,0,1,31,12,1,4,11,105,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328922930092764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365077941670051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702430409724312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394427180471273,0.0,0.11411461108490754,0.0,0.07964616764518352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955754190403697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062756706650512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061821499338808185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465330489691896,0.0668674066944683,0.0,0.10253353176596312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231463898547599,0.0,0.048901806237937925,0.0897890419719386,0.2127787097181366,0.0,0.07485996448724815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033101352178651,0.0,0.09288292941665456,0.0,0.10355383200709446,0.0,0.05143976442800855,0.07629597688300653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045727922971543516,0.0,0.08264995613753408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985882746200064,0.0,0.6577346863505972,0.0,0.09948131463799567,0.0,0.06940274485273012,0.07218960227249982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342535364680006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172735722228587,0.097791417208897,0.0,0.08848165607880698,0.0,0.17928464121914495,0.0,0.10091594880991872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653657148605833,0.11992430287031634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806886466566624,0.07443397367303202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742636385198744,0.0,0.09366696363429908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976447173972297,0.0,0.0,0.10721775899217208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752316259471951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994939036607025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872125590476937,0.08943820655896761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520733190400241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nichoes,2019/02/24,"11p.m. i always wonder what it'd be like to not cry after spending time with someone i love. it's 11pm here. it's dark. i live alone. my sister just left after we spent all day together...i have people who love me. i like to think i love people. yet sometimes i wonder why i feel like such an empty shell when everything dies down. 
i think people have always been a distraction from what's real to me. sometimes i don't know if i genuinely love someone, sometimes i know i love someone, sometimes i don't really know what love is. sometimes i feel all of these towards one person in one single day.
i'm exhausted, no one knows,
but that's reality to me,
i love you for distracting me. 
",1.0112142857142852,3.3712210500000026,3.0782142857142887,88.57803571428573,84.92857142857143,5.785714285714287,20.892857142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.7460714285714296,537,17,108,8,16,181,80,140,0.08,0.71,0.21,0.9557,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,0,0,5,13,0,2,2,0,8,8,0,0,2,19,27,3,1,1,4,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,10,0,2,0,4,3,0,3,2,2,22,10,13,23,3,11,0,0,0,7,12,4,0,3,10,68,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995090649638831,0.0,0.0,0.1598911657939059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553847878085627,0.12392625834781487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971503036386747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634978082947113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716105073064636,0.06863899259664916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112104407386592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043903211549114,0.0,0.0,0.14081831738946024,0.0,0.0848396851003777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070065416573753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531723725855404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982763872708856,0.08389264283802783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935915273216186,0.061550789418867324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442227579193144,0.0,0.4751238786795506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312733100191214,0.0,0.0,0.05602454838889803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669652489269979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838756637393366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mhickey89,2019/02/24,My BPD mother who verbally and emotionally abused me... Just texted me for the first time in ten years...*she* booted me out of *her* life too. Sometimes I think it was because she knew what she was doing to me in a lucid moment and wanted to get me away from her. But I dont honestly believe that is true. I think that's just a broken little girl's wish that her mom ever loved her.,0.6064838255977527,2.859327341772154,2.47130801687764,92.97872011251759,85.70886075949366,5.030098452883263,16.372714486638532,6.42735559955562,-0.3365960618846695,296,6,64,3,9,98,59,79,0.10800000000000001,0.78,0.111,0.0623,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,2,13,12,3,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,15,3,9,9,0,9,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,4,47,21,0,0.0,0.2770623533761302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970052913773574,0.0,0.0,0.1425467919343563,0.0,0.0,0.26345778537930337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945134972601029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740589275540604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26303870749590474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152181354490004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890432178882772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217183290975575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651682214381699,0.0,0.2343692736894529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104987534975306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738707707740906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312738988547089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996706666851442,0.0,0.0,0.13635407857719636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792498575516055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26890464519109664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Komaeda,2019/02/24,"Managing Splitting With Somebody You Really Love I'm 23 and finally managed to break out of my usual pattern of easily falling into relationships that are extremely toxic for me, and I am currently in the first healthy relationship I've ever had in my entire life!! Literally every aspect of my relationship with my current partner is worlds different from anything I've experienced with other people for the better!! However, I do still struggle with splitting, and it's really the /only/ issue I have going on in my relationship at the moment. We don't argue much (or at all really), my partner respects and loves me to unimaginable degrees, and all we do is hype each other up and support one another. Before, when I'd split on my exes, it always made sense when I'd split because my anger and irritability came from completely valid places of being unhappy from being abused. My current partner never treats me like that, so it makes me feel really sad and guilty that this is still happening.

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My two biggest questions about this are:

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1. How do I handle the immense guilt I feel from splitting on somebody I love with all my heart and who only offers me warmth?  I'm just really having a difficult time showing myself compassion about this and telling myself I'm not a terrible person for feeling this way. I never used to feel so much guilt while splitting on my past partners since my feelings made more sense in those situations, but my current partner is honestly just a pure ball of sunshine and they really just don't deserve these feelings that are coming up within me for some reason :( 

​

2. What's the healthiest way for me to process and move on from this splitting episode? Is the answer to spend /more/ time together so I remind myself how much I love them and just hope to feel more comfortable with them? Or, is it that I should be taking some /alone/ time for myself so I can let this run it's course naturally? I really cant tell which of the two would be better for me at the moment.

​

Thank you so so so much !!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡",7.084465009308946,7.307817753148615,7.60823787098894,71.25879421750084,64.16372795969772,10.43079618880736,34.64122221005365,10.176274734539398,3.623687416493265,1676,69,285,35,23,554,193,397,0.062,0.7979999999999999,0.139,0.9879,6,1,0,0,1,0,56.0,2,2,3,3,20,23,2,3,12,0,27,6,1,7,7,62,53,28,0,3,8,0,7,1,5,2,1,0,0,6,23,26,0,0,10,2,1,6,6,8,0,4,4,9,45,15,49,42,13,50,0,1,1,4,27,20,0,6,22,211,68,2,0.0,0.08355165634636426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730348192875198,0.0,0.0,0.05867617389263575,0.3056225440872008,0.3427457187983801,0.0,0.07394370299246797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802985926022933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298678773152337,0.0,0.060005162698147076,0.0,0.0,0.12473392169777832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806531856131042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060744545818382276,0.07393621281128122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367573448409481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378707774517088,0.05941399955637638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495902181942768,0.0,0.0,0.07724842811070665,0.0,0.059982113547363484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04007669632083896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235835501027734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835635269747119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003974686101448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360190489143564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210887826421883,0.049808565865343886,0.034451267887485613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545790352574803,0.1334506471478821,0.04707095063227884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494889769049022,0.20735378118709047,0.0,0.1087748213768032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778445438477925,0.10726340853066804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731689264922137,0.048887926235268934,0.0615731241314712,0.07367573448409481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899569137030703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162270240093128,0.07250369124397096,0.0,0.30283743685240805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058332769766925474,0.0792645770886493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126306657175649,0.0,0.0,0.0737201578330259,0.0,0.0,0.08002237539712326,0.0,0.0,0.0530203522301213,0.0,0.12327073253117958,0.06492300078677855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335789011985525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377706192896049,0.0,0.0,0.0609044422549228,0.07766501709198352,0.0,0.0,0.11194695130587508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500935787484736,0.0,0.3427457187983801,0.0
bpd,enigmas343,2019/02/24,"Medication for bpd? I have hardcore add and bpd, does anyone know of anything that works?",3.470625000000002,6.592624812500002,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,82.125,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.6513499999999994,71,3,12,1,2,22,15,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197577014197564,0.0,0.2586325088578885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7916702755428239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750358274198148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727246417218952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166124183241399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288056406450888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,querimony,2019/02/24,"Anyone want to be platonic email buddies? Hi! I'm one of those people that have self-isolated due to BPD, c-PTSD, and bipolar disorder. Social interactions in the real world can be too hard, sometimes. I stay at home, have a long term boyfriend, and am a 35 year old female. I don't have kids. Just dogs. I live in the south. I'm looking for people that understand BPD and want to have someone to check in with during the day. 

I'd prefer someone around my age, but it's not a requirement. I'm very eclectic, kinda obsessed with politics at the moment (but we don't have to talk about that), and open to everyone. I'm queer friendly. 

Today, in a thirty minute window, I had an episode where too many stressful events happened and my emotional pain was so great that I wanted to kill myself. I've learned not to act on it, over the years, and am working on realizing that I won't be stuck with the pain the way that my brain thinks I will. 

One of the stressful things that happened is that the basement of the house I'm living in has flooded due to the torrential rain and flooding we're experiencing. How about you? Send a pm, if you're interested, and we'll exchange info! Thanks! ",3.3867408906882623,5.090065901709405,4.3413630229419695,85.87293522267206,73.74358974358975,7.148538011695907,26.84570400359873,7.85451343220497,1.5444991452991452,927,34,186,13,19,300,141,234,0.125,0.7759999999999999,0.098,-0.8605,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,2,1,0,2,9,10,1,3,17,0,20,5,1,1,0,33,35,13,1,5,6,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,1,12,14,0,1,6,0,2,2,5,6,0,2,3,3,14,4,29,26,1,31,0,0,1,1,11,15,1,2,12,112,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802982122423908,0.0,0.0,0.11207465450508937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31712468948455075,0.14054222815574946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119288377523894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442883964483786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161671572455387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029958453977505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972673912055801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388014321771259,0.0,0.0,0.2226598730997933,0.0,0.11277861379364088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628454224678884,0.0,0.0,0.1452677587801835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928592094187134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233798659682671,0.1114145182064467,0.1057214256375407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276393794782594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210729049988806,0.0,0.17062157184396984,0.0,0.2679256909472659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745616838331128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716637361722704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329787885018613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133759779213974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833571642918462,0.21334354008449294,0.0,0.1245149442088346,0.0,0.0,0.1341890112052504,0.0,0.0,0.2884282312512622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119090815771607,0.0,0.11590866303368193,0.0,0.0,0.08364009858277538,0.0806694497911459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193352442521743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106278757326026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387786964804116,0.22277120753384727,0.09993085115686097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165421512401156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214654934159595
bpd,MainSignature,2019/09/23,"I think a friend of mine has BPD I happened upon an article about it one day and I was flabbergasted by the fact that it almost perfectly described her behaviour when I’d previously just thought she was odd or difficult. To be honest, it’s helped me to understand her a little better but I wondered if I could get the community’s opinion on my diagnosis:

  

* She often talks about how everybody ‘leaves’ her in the end. She brings this up on a daily basis and if another friend cancels a plan she talks about how terrible they are as people. She has a handful of 	friends who have stuck by her for a number of years but she largely ignores the kindness and stability they’ve shown her and makes generalisations about others and how awful other human beings are.  	  
 
* She is especially fixated on two friends in particular, almost to the point of obsession really. Her behaviour became too much for one of them and she no longer speaks to her and the other one often cancels 	plans or tries to avoid her. She can swing from worshipping these people to labelling them cruel within a matter of minutes.  
 
* She is quite impulsive, she regularly gets tattoos on a whim, she’s made drastic changes to her hair before, she binge eats and binge drinks, she does drugs fairly regularly, I think she engages in promiscuous sex with strangers even though she’s married.  
 
* She says she doesn’t have any opinions of her own and that she just copies other people.  
 
* She can have quite stark mood swings that seem to last for days, sometimes she’s overly happy and other times she’ll barely acknowledge you if you say hello to her. The other day I thought she might even be having a manic episode.  
 
* She has 	insomnia.  
 
* I know she had a very difficult upbringing, although I’m not sure of the details I think this may have involved emotional abuse and/or neglect.  
 
* She is confused about her sexuality.

​

I think she might be in the middle of ‘splitting’ from me, she’s gone from messaging me almost constantly to total silence for the past week. To be honest, it’s a welcome relief from the very intense and heavy personal issues she’s been burdening me with but I can’t help but sympathise with her if she has a personality disorder. The question is, does this sound like BPD and what is the best course of action? I think she would be very hostile to me bringing it up but at the same time a diagnosis might be helpful to her. Do I persist with the friendship if she is ‘splitting’? I’ve found her idealisation of me quite draining and have enjoyed this little break. Do I prize her well-being over mine?

Any advice is welcome!",4.483575810692372,6.740511799591001,5.166665205959685,78.75737730061351,72.10838445807771,7.929126497224657,28.82077125328659,8.704169506293173,2.4349985977212976,2086,84,366,40,42,672,244,489,0.11900000000000001,0.721,0.16,0.9773,0,1,2,0,1,0,49.0,0,2,3,10,17,32,2,3,29,1,43,7,2,5,4,74,65,32,0,7,15,0,2,1,4,6,2,4,0,3,21,17,2,3,14,1,0,4,4,11,0,4,10,6,76,20,59,41,5,36,1,1,0,1,75,19,0,22,13,276,97,0,0.0,0.09867239932053536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137960668046823,0.0,0.0,0.2501766863775446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023312951007242,0.1011935128206149,0.11326561320469182,0.08732564868212046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086458406641638,0.0,0.0873965288352648,0.07365380812773764,0.0,0.0,0.2097748254342224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809849870126464,0.0,0.0,0.0899953804278044,0.0,0.06649177605647476,0.0,0.0,0.16112485326956807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544533800360902,0.0,0.14575662234025016,0.0,0.0,0.08158204789414875,0.09657759433201477,0.08521555497643236,0.0,0.09367804779871436,0.07376077614312809,0.0,0.0,0.11001043657300964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131149722925253,0.25736564433072073,0.0,0.08702003527868479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364364484934045,0.08865240542711697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167461157358674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692199374352473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867226166765047,0.04576814702377847,0.06788377680444661,0.0,0.08818079589971613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068607865774095,0.16693555281077674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880092460628213,0.05558960576354311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650386559232972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121989674596625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929670711096628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949955276728182,0.1732062244023692,0.1454326139634405,0.0,0.0,0.0787258940501143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329191956625872,0.2657334857134521,0.0,0.0,0.0533508773467887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245414665143607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581438289021418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236539617213469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848979186959651,0.0,0.0,0.13387355698364473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26681019026487385,0.08182152818615365,0.13222898627589752,0.09712170510648603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056541204893238876,0.0,0.08135181369012379,0.08669672938045601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614253031495666,0.0,0.0,0.06680166278168118,0.0,0.07487812762022956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031289118449223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915925335068666,0.0,0.1011935128206149,0.05362916419119093
bpd,Agentloveless,2019/09/23,"Scared (and drunk) but I'm going to attempt to cut out the negative people in my life. I'm struggling. I was feeling positive but I'm now all of the sudden not.
I've decided to at least attempt to cut out people who aren't helping me in life.
There's one friend who I won't cut out because although she doesn't help. She also does if that makes sense?

No one understands the pain I've been through because of my ex and being without him. I'd honestly rather not be here than be without him.

But 4 suicide attempts on, no way of attempting it again I've got to try at least.

I'm scared of being alone so I'm not 100% sure how I will get on cutting them out but let's see how it goes.",0.8817277992277965,2.6552660337837857,2.884208494208494,93.21310810810814,81.22972972972974,5.850193050193052,24.08494208494209,6.868970318607317,0.7341644787644785,535,20,122,6,14,180,87,148,0.275,0.634,0.091,-0.9815,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,4,9,11,4,3,3,0,11,4,0,3,2,25,23,12,1,2,11,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,3,1,0,1,11,8,0,2,3,2,11,3,23,13,3,15,0,0,1,0,11,10,0,1,3,81,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892757910392961,0.0,0.1461465803215949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228076506930643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992736661750534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240482131917838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119361815186468,0.0,0.09548029353064512,0.0,0.10386208211874988,0.0,0.1461633410463066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24498941204948385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687613808813205,0.2581660582353718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198827220783813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24767475270814476,0.0,0.19446084258972365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533942303334347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659329460621649,0.0,0.1456295554198823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910519027158338,0.0,0.199900850999344,0.0,0.1722414463029757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407650312927772,0.0,0.0,0.1902511103996407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505990409479808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523325042497201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,experiencemyballs,2019/09/23,"Do I have BPD? Howdy guys, In the past couple of months I have been feeling that everyone hates me and  I've been telling myself that I'm a bad person.  After every interaction with someone who isn't a close friend of mine, and even sometimes with close friends, I have felt that the interaction was awkward and as I result i convince myself that that person hates me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore.  This type of interaction ranges from taxi drivers that i'll never see again all the way to a girl that I have a huge crush on.  all of these interactions have been pretty normal I think because I can't think of any way I went wrong, but they all leave me feeling a deep sadness and self loathing.  After a couple months of nothing but these types of interactions I began thinking that there might be something wrong with me.  I googled ""mental disorders that make me think everyone hates me"" and ""mental disorders that make me think i'm a bad person"" and all that kept coming up was BPD.  I read through the symptoms and some inner monologues and I identify with the monologues and many symptoms but not all of them.  I read that this disorder tends to begin in young adulthood, which is exactly where I am right now.  I read that part where I am convinced that everyone hates me and they are right because I am a bad person.  I read about how this can make it really difficult to deal with romantic relationships.  I identify with all of these. 

 a couple of months ago before all of this was happening I kind of was in a romantic relationship but not really, idk it was really confusing.  Basically I was at this summer camp for a few weeks and there was this really cute girl.  Word had gotten to me that she was into me and I noticed that she seemed to be flirting with me whenever she got the chance.  eventually everyone at the camp ""shipped"" us but I was too nervous to make a move as normal guy would.  I have been in similar situations before but this time it felt different.  I kept cycling through being overjoyed by the fact that I was almost 100% sure she was into me, and lying alone in my room while everyone else was doing other shit feeling sad after an interaction with her that I had felt was awkward.  Eventually I cracked under peer pressure from some other guys and on the last day of camp I asked her out.  She agreed to go to a movie with me but after that instead of feeling happy I immediately felt extremely stressed, the type of feeling you have right before you are about to take a really important test but you know you haven't studied at all or paid attention in class.  I immediately started thinking that she only agreed because she feels bad for me and she hates me and  thinks I'm a bad person.  I went on a couple of dates with her but every single thing she did, no mater how little, stressed me out and made me feel sad.  Pretty much most of the stuff she did or said made me feel sad and that she hated me.  I must have been acting a bit off because after those dates she completely lost interest and we haven't seen each other since.  After she broke up with me I instantly felt relieved, I started feeling better and I'm totally over it.  She was moving a bit to fast for me anyway.  Now I'm back in school and I feel like all of my teachers hate me, even when I'm doing well in the class, I have a 98% average in one of my classes and I'm still convinced my teacher thinks I'm a dumbass and she hates me.  There is this one girl who I have talked to a bit and it is going pretty well, however every interaction makes me think that she hates me.  She's also really shy and not as forward or fast moving as the last girl, that's part of what I like about her, but I still feel bad.  I don't want to avoid romantic relationships because I still want human company but relationships make me hate myself.  I have also been starting to avoid my friends more.

A symptom I don't identify with is self harm/ thoughts of suicide.  I hate myself but don't see how hurting myself will make it better.  Whenever I am feeling self loathing though I have noticed that I just start lifting weights excessively even when my arms are really sore and tired.  

Thank you if you read all of this.  I don't think I have BPD because the stuff I'm reading in this subreddit seems a lot worse, but I've looked for similar disorders and this seems like the closest thing.  Mabye it is still developing?  I have only been feeling like this in recent months.",5.1223202872248095,5.977150163615563,5.745706620374023,80.70819221967966,68.53089244851259,8.865114811015545,29.37102501380888,9.035553425615538,2.3055493411189136,3529,125,686,62,58,1145,310,874,0.187,0.685,0.128,-0.9971,2,3,1,0,0,2,64.0,2,6,3,3,33,60,12,9,39,0,71,8,2,13,16,151,163,58,1,8,21,0,19,4,3,4,5,2,1,16,58,49,1,4,34,6,1,10,14,38,2,2,44,25,123,22,97,112,25,93,0,7,4,0,70,40,1,14,47,493,181,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03345057511051521,0.0,0.03778702649332412,0.03908298452478398,0.0,0.060354728998312734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025661688078856427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03742384669787571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03527794786484697,0.0,0.0,0.029016557516195026,0.18904726945795586,0.13802062983690214,0.0,0.0963313472128864,0.0,0.0,0.06674862728472478,0.12359340145762125,0.0,0.14258103544703854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03250611375977688,0.03956534553400645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670161056445395,0.0,0.024336516673028483,0.03890402872407172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03942595626009873,0.17299432179850174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03152348024675408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477256588865011,0.0,0.09538230317552836,0.18029122188929286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24804508998977165,0.05391703130614802,0.18116178224513574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746392704942266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289233320193806,0.0,0.03018082537041166,0.0,0.0,0.11209334312388096,0.033369708416244634,0.04017053916266192,0.0,0.4098199898789629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040397033180556534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392961054210319,0.02073864926240108,0.061519547078150924,0.0,0.0399568415320261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374336694968013,0.03782125893548922,0.0,0.0,0.03168862981695194,0.0,0.04119316373673872,0.03208169030287787,0.0,0.07141319206624414,0.17632292064968685,0.03825825296963998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605777007059596,0.040031798558618915,0.0,0.0,0.12048165720435912,0.12032178502648505,0.027740209054899767,0.0,0.029104232077440045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739462881231448,0.03620858847913535,0.08592508445280403,0.0,0.0,0.05114160915202545,0.057399664660990536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172854758969435,0.03602316127200495,0.0,0.16474754651608406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151728492845405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647651289122064,0.0,0.16922196845616605,0.0,0.03725962270860096,0.16205682403941282,0.0,0.09667868965478583,0.035895457239345924,0.0,0.0,0.03819071872411176,0.060141211187909126,0.10305996624608796,0.11810023821713347,0.0,0.03873533199036331,0.03121550460902025,0.04241670301837245,0.0,0.0,0.031973483259456405,0.0290509191195384,0.03732174391253289,0.0,0.10683858229073254,0.0,0.12054366966874693,0.0,0.08645263146767446,0.0,0.08639709412914581,0.041276920958562995,0.0,0.035565614299760184,0.1176660644928583,0.028372680673730687,0.0606613316102013,0.032982816818567386,0.03474212245344452,0.0,0.0,0.05014007531320669,0.2417962410697093,0.03707530423472707,0.029958068515139706,0.02200409137083172,0.04337183555325823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045391609667541966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677278788897417,0.0599059600361317,0.03026944162399053,0.04595212796384804,0.06785816455861612,0.06996306580786603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845607908317451,0.026806481923508936,0.08251650785039452,0.0,0.0
bpd,pa1nini,2019/09/23,"Slept with my FP lol now what Cool now we enter the phase of this cycle where I completely overanalyze his each and every action  in the perverse search to find abandonment where there actually is none 😎 thus actually driving him away

​

I thought just the regular FP pining was bad but this seems.... somehow worse

​

Any experience with calming your thoughts in a situation like this?",7.572428571428574,9.553122814285716,7.0642857142857185,69.35071428571429,63.71428571428571,10.171428571428573,36.85714285714286,10.355215969177356,4.259371428571429,327,16,51,8,5,102,58,70,0.133,0.736,0.131,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,2,2,1,1,1,0,14,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,4,1,7,3,7,2,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,3,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.3458220340836876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839686655662397,0.4306083396714552,0.1204946747189254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647500686667552,0.0,0.14794551037743311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577941660003403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928947204304344,0.0,0.0,0.17332495503597306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194764165697964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865656517409828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613063161343307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916798992889212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813367312272235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057084654186475,0.0,0.0,0.4306083396714552,0.0
bpd,ghostographic,2019/09/23,"Can you get diagnosed on campus? So at the counseling center on campus, they have counselors that have Masters degrees and have don't previous things as therapists. I'm seeing one tomorrow because I'm working on transferring to a college closer to home (and then I can see a proper therapist and get on different meds than what I'm on currently). I was wondering if anyone knew if I could potentially get a diagnosis on campus. I'm someone that has been out of therapy for awhile and didn't get diagnosed with BPD officially because I ""didn't self harm"" (even though I did/do in less obvious ways). Obviously I figure I'd be waiting until I can transfer schools to get a diagnosis (which would be a few months from now), but my mental state and I guess flare ups with BPD are getting worse and worse and I just wondered if anyone knew anything about this sort of thing.",7.540174029451138,7.247935614457834,8.094899598393578,69.87774431057568,63.33734939759036,11.71512717536814,37.72155287817938,11.20814326018867,4.384393038821956,696,32,123,18,9,232,105,166,0.055,0.932,0.013000000000000001,-0.8113,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,2,6,1,0,0,6,0,17,2,0,0,2,27,35,16,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,7,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,2,12,0,23,25,2,20,0,0,2,0,3,12,0,7,6,85,19,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844749009874592,0.0,0.10855411700126172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082729975236368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33228254289145825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532272584987892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677801989936562,0.0,0.13782222468393274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712806108505444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135182362095093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531832357214286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232066192591746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652689807451466,0.0,0.13293845057903386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529262701940464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893884513637244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350417633782022,0.21023701914600315,0.0,0.137615242264995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177044291941612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085534275124735,0.3063250229357101,0.17527581778605605,0.0,0.12960499617951232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470732313425644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28611056714307675,0.09603508234451416,0.0,0.26886360533141274,0.0937080371690743,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,davie18,2019/09/23,"Just found out my mum likely had BPD, unsure what to think or how to react So my mum was disgnosed with bipolar 5-6 years ago. She's always clearly had mental issues of some kind but maybe her issues were mis-diagnosed and so coping with them has been tricky. 

Anyway for the last few years she had been living with her husband, who she married around the time of her diagnosis. I found out a few months ago he was an insane gambling addict and had gambled away the vast majority of my mum's money, and she was now peniless. I told her about this and she left him, and for the last few months has had a new lease of life away from him. 

Basically with this guy she never used to have any friends, not even one. She would ONLY ever see him and her nurse, that was it. He was so incredibly controlling and never let her do anything, however she was I have to admit quite stable during this time. 

Anyway the last few months she seems to have really got her life back. Made friends, got her financial independence back so she's been able to actually spend money to do things she enjoys which has been really great.

So 3 weeks ago I started a road trip around Europe, saw her just before I went away and she seemed totally fine, not even a hint of instability or mental illness from what I could see, and I know her very well of course. 

Anyway a week into my trip she calls me and says her mum is going to die, and she was going up to see her with her boyfriend (this is the first time I've heard of him). Next day apparently her mum is okay, it sounds like she overreacted. But at the time when she called me, I could tell she was off. It had just triggered something in her. 

Anyway the 2 weeks after that she has really totally and utterly gone off the rails. Just doing bizarre things like calling or texting me weird stuff in the middle of the night, calling an ambulance several times last week (one time she called and said that I had been in an accident, I only know this because her nurse told me). 

So anyway today I was very worried for her healthy because knowing her, I could see her behaviour was well off. And I also checked her bank account and saw that she had withdrew 550 pounds last week, which I knew is something bipolar people can do when they're manic. Oh and also yesterday she told me that when she called the ambulance, she went to see a doctor and the doctor said he didn't believe she was bipolar, because she switches moods very easily. And she went off on a rant about him saying he was a 'fucking prick' and a 'dangerous' man.

So anyway today I call up her nurse and ask when she last spoke to my mum because I said I'm very very concerned for her at this point and that she needs attention. I end up being on the phone for about 30 mins and the nurse basically tells me she thinks her overriding issue is BPD, but that she had fought for bipolar to be her main diagnosis for the last few years because she thought that way with how the NHS works in the UK, it was the best way for my mum to get the best treatment possible. But basically the nurse said to me 'look I don't know how to tell you this, but it's just a really bad diagnosis to have and I and the doctors she has seen firmly believe it is BPD that she has'

She basically said it was very very bad news for it to go onto her file especially with her divorce proceedings coming up. 

So after that I have been reading all about BPD and honestly I am shit scared. It seems like there is no real treatment, and so many people have just abandoned my mum and cut all contact, such as her mum, her brother, my brother and sister, and other family members. Basically I'm the only one who really contacts and sees her regularly now. 

I've felt an immense sense of pressure the last few years trying to keep her in the right direction all by myself while trying to build my own life, but honestly now I feel at breaking point. I felt like so much progress had been made and she was doing so much and now this new diagnosis is just a huge bombshell and I just want to cry about it. 

Also she seems utterly obsessed with this new boyfriend she has. She's only been seeing him for like 2-3 weeks, yet every message now she sends me relates to him in some way, she apparently aggressive insists he is in on ALL of her medical appointments, and he even went to see her mum with her when she believed she was about to die. I mean I just find that really inappropriate. 

I don't really know what this post is for to be honest, I just feel I had to get something out of my system some way because I've been going crazy the last few days thinking what to do and all I can think is there nothing really is that I can do, I just feel so fucking helpless.",6.0067924528301875,5.6918938450106165,6.423651404078036,80.66487501502225,66.49469214437367,9.529816127869248,29.875495733685856,9.053500757850758,2.202475880302848,3710,114,759,57,53,1204,333,942,0.09300000000000001,0.813,0.094,0.2023,3,0,3,0,1,0,74.0,0,1,1,7,65,37,8,3,41,1,84,17,2,10,11,133,157,69,2,6,22,14,5,6,2,1,13,10,0,2,44,51,0,3,26,1,8,13,8,16,2,4,67,27,135,20,100,82,24,124,0,2,12,2,141,39,4,10,71,538,179,5,0.040721704444031816,0.0,0.0397385093608886,0.044392668593325,0.0,0.0,0.1082920019477534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097695396994637,0.03388372024516278,0.0,0.0,0.027692155428687918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033510493043353656,0.07250190091576968,0.03806929662914157,0.0,0.11477814540512125,0.0626249542333104,0.06800184452807123,0.14894143838331705,0.0,0.0346511711866181,0.1376382483786336,0.08546983296899527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515024486565814,0.0,0.29106989237800696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035078142632402665,0.0,0.0,0.04567285417079287,0.09753890232993344,0.0,0.044730880187839384,0.052524261087690094,0.0,0.0,0.04133167282554781,0.08452540016981913,0.0,0.0,0.12504117007448678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360673432951767,0.0,0.0,0.08068890518922484,0.036835113031204014,0.034309792306808015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383887988109474,0.0,0.06177035195165425,0.0,0.07819844456458655,0.0,0.03721890012596675,0.03463786099740111,0.0,0.08929849412032935,0.06292297567780712,0.07529311915540804,0.04255081969127458,0.0,0.09257233227036184,0.0,0.06513773408477751,0.044895822909790564,0.0,0.040320889656844015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750863882582594,0.0,0.03619532195915408,0.0,0.04240538875374776,0.11189791898932776,0.29874261757839554,0.0,0.0,0.0442442510285397,0.041640701773909335,0.08628883239807979,0.1193674071516682,0.0,0.03595801108029033,0.0,0.034195975709649926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770637227091299,0.0,0.04128541678200245,0.04091042548311933,0.04435787411627888,0.0,0.04102283308677287,0.08207580046496345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751102793851237,0.0,0.05987027653145829,0.03019462786240615,0.06281417776137124,0.11798782771514295,0.04330799465389238,0.038214561056812,0.0,0.03907357368449076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827822424518112,0.123882764879866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056462605041461625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699034623538778,0.045907603212121104,0.03900013633858557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331254520990615,0.0407327243155809,0.04635021477297695,0.2086989328454634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034776113095590235,0.19367833051380567,0.06476706764686202,0.040769530107253316,0.0,0.2595994094803668,0.1482860413023502,0.0,0.04600393504941705,0.04180024442518163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404867269047754,0.0,0.0,0.02882303199894825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046616609005986825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067776936975862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410738196617163,0.1043712957495082,0.0,0.032328484670035025,0.14247092001952436,0.0,0.07719882869803914,0.11673400105973508,0.0,0.05529472854922937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035170478000653684,0.0,0.2351976962175271,0.02401871634407153,0.12929197419340258,0.19598697005793286,0.0,0.07322740555057128,0.15099771197166584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029645885828414337,0.04135486754148728,0.0,0.028927530474261894,0.0,0.0,0.10489377019372838
bpd,ssdrexel,2019/09/23,"Love? Hello! I [23F]don’t really know if I need advice on this one, so I guess I’ll just ask and see whatever has to say?

So, I’m openly asexual, have been since I was about 15. I was just talking to a friend who identifies as aromantic. I was confused a bit; not at the idea that people can’t feel romantic attraction, but at how he described it. 

So now I have a conflict within myself re BPD and it’s been on my mind for over a month. 

I’ve been dating my boyfriend [20Ftm] for about a year. (idk if these are relevant, I’m not heavy into reddit so forgive me if I get the etiquette wrong) 

I think I love him in a romantic way? But after talking with my friend, idk. And I’ve been going over all of my past relationships and I can’t really tell if it’s like a genuine love I have for these people, or if I’m just afraid of being left by them. 

Perspective??",0.3923333333333332,2.5365057888888924,2.8011111111111155,91.01000000000003,85.55555555555556,6.266666666666668,20.11111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.7085777777777778,662,20,146,12,20,227,107,180,0.036000000000000004,0.764,0.2,0.9855,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,0,2,9,0,15,3,0,1,1,32,30,18,0,6,13,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,7,3,20,8,22,22,2,19,0,0,1,3,17,11,0,8,7,99,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370647185439954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566161124041667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289724154078216,0.0,0.2109957147528913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847072158853575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25886351217785303,0.0,0.08752649181541185,0.0,0.09521005166977907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455103468262524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891187772020583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920690352067588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820197168292204,0.0,0.0,0.08184574320691512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536018183771256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691555739221391,0.0,0.13371929143702224,0.0,0.0,0.1242199265557384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352134254193423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992448020344127,0.2322857126558113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146455176435694,0.0,0.0,0.1798624303974168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322502968053834,0.0,0.0,0.13349816615770374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858093439359714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26930540195952324,0.14642690005815615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734521014475924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329759685376617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831656240069217,0.0,0.10788257176901928
bpd,Thesunbehindthecloud,2019/09/23,"How to frame the request of starting therapy, when the person with BPD doesn't see the need? I have invested a lot in a relationship with a boyfriend with BPD, and I have started to study all about it, trying to remove triggers, and go past some problems caused by him having big reactions, among which treating me badly for reasons that wouldn't require that.

I have given and sacrificed so much, but I can't make him see that. I wanted to make his life better and was ready to go through therapy. Even at the very last chance we have for our couple, he preferred to leave and not to try therapy. And I can't understand why he didn't want to try manage something that would help him not only with the relationship with me, but also in his future life with another person.

Do I have the wrong view on this? Am I missing something important that would change my perspective?

Really hope to see your views.",7.699252873563218,6.965445132183909,7.412068965517242,76.35649425287356,63.195402298850574,10.721839080459773,34.27586206896552,9.994966539143718,3.2042,719,26,135,13,9,228,106,174,0.075,0.8109999999999999,0.114,0.8783,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,2,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,9,0,16,2,0,6,1,37,32,12,0,9,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,8,13,0,1,3,0,1,3,7,4,0,0,3,5,19,3,26,26,4,15,0,1,5,0,16,6,0,3,6,97,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681543317602237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694694140659166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108400555117997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707192910527616,0.0,0.0,0.30495361757820694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436684236931075,0.12807044804613024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395583812330966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996212256369296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760776952513565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114714692234605,0.0,0.0,0.12024460881818973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868392581682192,0.0,0.12819008503466015,0.0,0.0,0.17102322000558307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292491724315253,0.0,0.0,0.16162331530724516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899651777472549,0.08976797472601875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207519428125638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556999826861525,0.0,0.21141813203850152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584261121968854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755717595854204,0.1244747216006688,0.0,0.2599564587382176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894187833923092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640311143130667,0.0,0.0,0.1713804998557536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153442618683157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465850457327217,0.0,0.0,0.12603266956386533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989109390056122,0.14281424706084853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924210232852237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200184326383336,0.13236529405892838,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lestayela,2019/09/23,"A guy turned me down and it sent me into a downward spiral So there's this guy at work, we'll call him L. He is the typical fuckboy that every girl is in love with. Hot, smart, an asshole. My first week at the job, he kept on looking at me, took breaks whenever I did, basically showed all the signs that he was into me. I added him on Facebook, we talked a little, and set up a date ( this was 4 weeks ago)

Date: he invited me to drink some wine at this fancy bar, (mind you I took a shitload of xanax beforehand so I was pretty fucked up), now by this time I realize all he wants is to fuck me, but I think to myself okay, whatever, I'm horny and been thinking about fucking him for the last week. Anyways, we go his house, do it, wasn't anything special, but it was okay. 

Next up: so I knew this guy didn't want anything serious, but I expected him to at least want to fuck again (all guys up until now have begged me to fuck again, at work my coworkers are into me, I have never had this happen again) . After he basically ignored me for a week I ask him what I did wrong, and he says something like: I felt like I couldn't satisfy you and for me it wasn't that good either. 

Now since then, shit went downwards for me: full blown insomnia every night, got drunk many times by myself, did all kind of drugs, spent all my money on clothes... I can't stop thinking about him, I don't understand why, I'm literally obsessed with trying to impress him and making him want me. 

If anyone has any advice of any kind, would be highly appreciated. 

TL:DR: A guy at work didn't want to fuck again and it made me go crazy",2.2471171171171167,3.6598535915915953,3.7485285285285284,90.15450450450452,76.14714714714714,6.855255255255256,22.843843843843842,7.526774132740827,0.7599861861861856,1238,35,277,16,27,410,175,333,0.153,0.7609999999999999,0.086,-0.9745,2,0,4,0,0,0,53.0,3,2,0,4,14,22,7,1,12,2,27,15,1,2,6,48,62,16,0,9,5,0,2,2,0,2,3,1,0,6,15,14,4,3,7,5,2,6,8,11,0,1,23,4,47,11,42,35,9,57,0,0,1,7,33,24,7,2,27,177,62,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339628957421752,0.07565150882217192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607246904877087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596738798302695,0.0,0.1404601991564083,0.0,0.07978427800742485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714484700776416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360374752058174,0.09897090133303743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381048509774386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194275956379626,0.0,0.0,0.07259279724342793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733899243735541,0.0,0.0,0.09700490089959406,0.07158174318528164,0.06825667329266323,0.0,0.0,0.4225154330045845,0.07546862146030091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016967078769596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847447899024378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468985807144004,0.0,0.0,0.17774341135328872,0.0,0.06956601707358619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338865560515718,0.08553620661440829,0.0,0.0,0.07166670977223616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702547974689564,0.08075370470866199,0.056967181935099025,0.08652450824810426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617220239435848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582185993797351,0.0,0.09076335502256776,0.0800887180288613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682461407552057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786825852342325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760346571373477,0.07059669421275526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570128784940082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135065299234979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859555102284695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405323738696745,0.0,0.0,0.09952849581597008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189638648510066,0.05794236281659777,0.09282878588757892,0.0,0.08884517686278505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516878576514027,0.0,0.273828347942478,0.0,0.0,0.07911390869519269,0.07700887345976462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639237964538571,0.0,0.0,0.060625289610947264,0.09330928244125476,0.0,0.0
bpd,evphoriv,2019/09/23,"I lost my best friends twice... Fair warning I’m brand new to reddit (literally made this acc about two hours ago) so i don’t really know how to use it or if this is even the right flair for this to be in but here goes...

Also CW for suicide and mentions of substance abuse

So,,,last week I lost my best friend of two years and I was also diagnosed with BPD a couple days before and I now have to see a substance abuse counselor. Needless to say I’m in a terrible place. Yesterday was arguably one of the worst days of my life. I was so close to taking my own life the closest I have EVER been. But I’m ok, no kind of physical harm. But i was talking to one of my friends and essentially saying my goodbyes. He still keeps in contact with my best friend (A) and another one of my ex best friends (L). L tried talking me down first but it went nowhere so A talked to me. But it all ended in them blocking me all over. I’ve never felt so gross, abandoned and unwanted. And no matter what they said I can’t unconvince myself that they don’t want me dead. I mean they did abandon me all over again. Logically I know them, I know what’s in their hearts and that they don’t wish anyone dead, but it feels like reality. I can only process their actions as them wanting me dead. 

I guess the point of this post is,,,I don’t know how to regulate my emotions and understand reality?? I’m having a hard time putting two and two together. I just feel so alone and like I have no friends. Even though I have friends coming to visit this weekend and I have a loving boyfriend I spend most days with, I feel so alone. My mood swings are absolutely terrible and it feels like I’m faking all of this even though I know I’m not. Idk if this is part of BPD or if I’m just losing it. I don’t understand my BPD and frankly I’m terrified of myself; i was so ready to let yesterday be my last day. I don’t know how to get a grip on things. Can anyone help? 

P.S. I will be telling my therapist tomorrow about all of this and my bf is keeping an eye on me. No need to stress over the suicide thing.",1.2304678141693195,3.2797211160092807,2.747376031943024,93.21777585927809,81.45939675174014,6.143873091242647,23.01629525710895,7.3071595529392575,0.7570136621162256,1615,56,364,23,43,527,199,431,0.235,0.612,0.154,-0.9940000000000001,0,2,0,0,2,2,52.0,0,0,9,8,26,30,0,1,14,1,31,6,2,5,7,74,71,41,5,8,14,1,7,3,8,1,3,3,0,0,20,20,0,5,15,1,1,5,13,12,0,9,13,12,57,17,44,53,13,44,0,5,2,1,31,16,0,7,25,244,77,0,0.0,0.16627401262658914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219924961466605,0.0,0.0,0.14534472439482835,0.0,0.112225838927699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357673529569346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812548632078842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970736916795071,0.0,0.2945458231307158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651205064423571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044308287876107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763899731419406,0.0,0.18100891482984924,0.0,0.0,0.07121852922180531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892898627061146,0.062147572716502564,0.0,0.0,0.1390349037250254,0.06347051533272981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191517270796652,0.1002553432224446,0.06737179780781008,0.0,0.0,0.05968443440545757,0.0,0.0,0.3794786217174383,0.0,0.036659619468893866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729740520531612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285629216998928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831488180301059,0.04703179204596564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910084725580612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473618503276733,0.0,0.0730686471575391,0.23137331741796066,0.11439174520178147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175101643281569,0.09912275198080946,0.10284087956279736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849947744429614,0.15319221658905333,0.0,0.06332890270210237,0.06639417923956875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643297108494175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052028307584761006,0.05411749692933702,0.0677682027809131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264192930165412,0.05336554092495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598455804392919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331009666102617,0.0,0.06633096180627669,0.0,0.06720106300094167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053771168950061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495109328791491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992265634088265,0.06674535482532876,0.11160001481884246,0.0,0.0,0.05591440796527893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603585121050224,0.0,0.08037662710935367,0.0,0.0,0.15350369920662074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275722290669476,0.16919392092581104,0.06132948236360775,0.0,0.0,0.08146986849402513,0.09323233008104367,0.0,0.13787841285339,0.0,0.04091522992344754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047639122394302576,0.0,0.2741737829393684,0.14609367133013296,0.0,0.06060218578150948,0.0,0.0,0.08277321167427677,0.0,0.05628413111125585,0.0,0.0,0.06504596975707633,0.0,0.0,0.08068915503138319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518556549391467
bpd,GhettoBlastin86,2019/09/23,"Male Borderline Personality Disorder I'm a 33 yr old male with possible Borderline Personality Disorder. I've not yet been diagnosed but from the research I've done into Cluster B Personality Disorders its about spot on. I've always had a hard time regulating my emotions. The emotions overtake my rational thought in day to day social interactions. I'm really quick on feet at home in the comfort zone with family members; I'll be witty and crack jokes etc. When I'm out in public or a social event, if someone says something inappropriate to me I get anxious my emotions make me unstable, instead of just brushing the comments off and coming up with a great witty come back line, my emotions rise and in my mind I want to harm the person (i've never harmed anyone physically its just fantastical thoughts, which are unproductive).   


I got to my Psychiatrist on Thursday and I've been writing everything down in my journal (lol I sound like a 5 year old) anyways I was given medication for bipolar but now I'm leaning more towards BPD, I'll post an update with the results. I'm hoping I get on proper treatment.",5.090988917306049,7.277082173913048,6.659306621199208,69.00631713554989,70.25603864734299,9.315032679738565,34.88178459789713,9.773937934552695,3.9652053992611545,898,47,145,23,17,307,132,207,0.075,0.7959999999999999,0.129,0.9236,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,12,1,7,4,1,2,1,28,23,9,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,6,3,12,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,9,4,15,5,28,13,2,35,0,0,0,0,13,16,0,3,16,86,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906087417429375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301951025128573,0.0,0.07614139353963965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373295883292761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714849949354718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876055134208613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404555690372443,0.0,0.0,0.11052537447945328,0.0,0.0,0.3744067439099075,0.0,0.0,0.11143662798567894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.489965510951439,0.0,0.0,0.1214458768704487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786713295744837,0.0,0.10265581028633618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378550538314645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709268171711923,0.12005629824401022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754786158025476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922981434544103,0.10815656362806696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053200231501899606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268775938320009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969950353233937,0.0,0.0,0.10995215315894596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398596094812777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228532400850492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803290455129363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276190847367638,0.10429059311888067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976044679937712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659708059506338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220079548937108,0.09226574710025877,0.08383211596817973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289974638046982,0.06349711456576103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422865170856018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012432862418196
bpd,DonewithStalker,2019/09/23,"BPD Stalker - Need Advice and Tips I just want a blanket statement saying I don't think all people with BPD are bad or evil people, but my well of empathy is long dry. I dated a girl with BPD about a year ago, Didn't know untill a month into the relationship when she had her first splitting session infront of me. I was reluctant but she was an angel at first but If I known I'd make the biggest mistake in my life continuing to date her.

Everything was great untill she told me. Then the relationship went down hill, I went through sessions after session trying to better understand BPD and how to handle her behaviour. It was too much after a year of unhappiness I decided to put myself first and leave her.

I only realised after that you cant exactly leave someone with BPD.She rings my phone constantly - putting new strains on any new relationship I have. Shes turned up to my work place and been physically escorted out by security. Constantly messaging any type of social media I have in order to get my attention. She got into a physical altercation with my beloved younger sister (This was targeted as she knows me and my sister are very close) I feel like I've awakened a horirble curse upon myself. To this day I wake up and see her Private misscalls on my phone and I break down. I feel like I cant have a future without her popping up.

This was a venting session as a cry for help. I need advice on what to do. Should I finally call the police? as far as I'm aware they cant force her to get help",4.040966183574877,5.645101417508421,5.298612209046997,80.07371541501978,71.86195286195286,8.262860488947442,29.411359976577373,8.841846274778883,2.434094539598887,1199,49,226,23,23,399,170,297,0.096,0.7879999999999999,0.115,0.8312,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,1,5,6,10,1,1,15,0,22,2,1,2,2,41,41,21,0,6,7,2,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,6,15,0,1,10,0,0,4,6,4,1,3,13,5,45,6,46,27,2,50,1,0,1,0,30,19,0,2,27,156,51,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824965452043715,0.08084805319486826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404555174403074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615267025547014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066373375600754,0.0,0.0,0.5743498231005463,0.0,0.0931308751964704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712119687034044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018481095098293,0.05881991529467907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196950124724152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223234607598244,0.13031426218374795,0.0,0.09991101944649457,0.0,0.2327377110308552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530207786384312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294526228474431,0.10055423706884664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226606747633915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024816692788356,0.0,0.0,0.19314662537234994,0.0,0.0,0.06442104667350047,0.08911666890956188,0.0,0.0,0.08071387809850443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060880289463582926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279925231839969,0.0,0.06704643761423089,0.13525524520990026,0.0,0.17617342001052042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936579007307668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646063274687558,0.0,0.09529019451665616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337316614740465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937612885707435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253016708817657,0.0,0.0,0.07267886763171696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929723840151209,0.07727800992495243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058440715281388035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715063492759688,0.0,0.06192245606421684,0.0992052470109419,0.0,0.09494800165842486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752539780530971,0.05379528741914348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820045766001872,0.1690965744960341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791871734032883,0.0,0.06639859208497227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174665297515368
bpd,IdlyThinking,2019/09/23,"im scared I haven't really thought about this until today. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II and the more I think about it, the more i feel like i have BPD too

I hate this feeling, my life is in a fucking spiral.  I used to turn to alcohol but I haven't had any since I've been on lamictal, hoping it would help

what do you do to calm yourself? I feel like I'm just a shell of who i used to be",-0.3772474747474739,1.3518037500000022,2.168787878787878,96.92873737373738,85.36363636363636,5.729292929292932,18.868686868686872,6.937597516519254,-0.005610101010100621,302,8,76,4,9,104,60,88,0.051,0.747,0.20199999999999999,0.9148,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,2,1,4,0,11,5,0,2,0,13,23,3,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,12,4,11,17,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,4,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220825021261192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131589699517544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617256622243362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109197470993015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152204138184451,0.29691474773333804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211423788247986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051664060387814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392886625482962,0.0,0.0,0.20639925587225424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244672373160519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678024109755092,0.20304802271610387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312649575500166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805107540346104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190011118618936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315434507592366,0.0,0.16497555856226245,0.0,0.0,0.1969767530832682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260343602954521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589570814890481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762014200565546,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sharpsam2,2019/09/23,"Bad First Experience Of Therapy Had Everything! So I start this integrated group therapy with Dbt and Cbt a couple moths ago first time ever getting therapy, I’m also 27 year old male. I got referred to this program by a psychiatrist who presumed I had GAD and MDD. I start with my main goal to get a ADHD diagnosis which I firmly believed I had, to develop coping strategies for my chronic pain, and to understand myself better.

So as I start this therapy everything is going well, I now have some structure in my life and aren’t isolated as much. But I  start having really emotional moments. I’m learning just about trauma and stuff, these are things I didn’t even understand a little, the word trauma was simply not in my vocabulary. I start connecting things and realizing a lot of abuse I’ve had and trauma. Things I literally never ever talked about to no one my entire life. I realizing my sense of self and how I’ve destroyed past relationships, and begin to talk about. I start confiding this and things like current family dynamic, really heart wrenching stuff usually while crying. 

I than meet the recreational therapist, some who is kind, easygoing, down to earth and has dignity. I begin attending rec activities.  I do music first, mostly just I’m just conversing with her in the group as she sitting next to me, we listen to music together, and have some similar taste in music.  I do gym, not a lot people attending these recreational activities I may add, they’re optional. Me and the rec therapist after attend a barbecue together after gym and play some games together and eat. I start confiding to her some more recent traumas and hardships in my life. I attend now most of the rec activities now about 7 a week like yoga and art too. Pretty much just talking with her and getting support from her, place doesn’t have enough resources for more support and other patients there were from all diversities, ages and mental health conditions, didn’t really connect with any there at that time. So the rec therapist and I were now working on doing a song cover together. In gym one time ask if she can talk with me more and she said yes and we met for sessions for talk therapy. She wasn’t really suppose provide that as it’s not apart of her job but she did.  Anyways in the talk therapy sessions with her I would start to talk about more traumas and childhood abuse.  Telling so much I never talked about before in my life.  Now tbh I probably started liking her a lot, now after one these talk therapy sessions we had art. We painted weeding picture frames, at the end of group she gave me what she had painted. Well I had those frames up in my room, thinking of her when I saw them.  I start to thinking maybe that was a sign of a potential friendship. So onetime in gym I ask her if she’d meet up outside and we could work on that song we been making, she says “maybe” and it was in the gym where other people could hear us so I took that as- man this might happen.  We were the same age too and an attraction between us. 

Next time though we had met for talk therapy, things were continuing to get more deep and harder to talk about, but these traumatic events were now always on my mind, and I had to talk about it.  But as I was sharing more it only made me more vulnerable and I really wanted to see if we could be friends outside of this place.  So I asked her during are session and she said that she couldn’t, and hoped I understand.  That brought me to a very petulant state, a behaviour I know all to well from past situations that triggered it. I had perceived this as rejection, even though I guess it really wasn’t because it wouldn’t be appropriate for her professional role.  I than begin to close up completely avoiding eye contact, and just really overwhelmed by emotion.  It’s obvious to her this really hurt me and says does this mean you won’t want to continue these sessions? I say I don’t want, as I really needed a friend for a shoulder to cry on. And I leave the room without saying anything. She’s than sends an email asking if I’m coming to come to music that day. But I go home and extremely overwhelmed and beside myself send some emails of just ranting about my hard life.  Emails I regret.  

Around that time I finish that phase/program and they refer me to a dbt group program that 6 weeks with 2 group classes a week which are 2 hours and 50 minutes with your individual. I also get diagnosed with ADHD just before this time and begin meds.  So that was good, a reason I came here in the first place.  But than I do some research on DBT and see it was designed for BPD, I wonder what BPD.  Do a lot of research on it and read symptoms and so fourth. And say to myself this really seems like me, and than believe I have it. And think maybe that’s why they expedited for this dbt course, because they might think I might have it too.  

So starting this dbt program, I get assigned a psychologist for my individual primary, believe she’s the only psychologist program for individual primary, rest are social workers.  Group isn’t going that good but still really trying to learn,not as good as hoped, but still teaching some important things.  A lot is getting interrupted and someone there just really triggers me and got the entire group uncomfortable.  Wasn’t always led great either by the teachers. Some classes were just bad, some were okay though with learning some important material but not being able to cover it all because of interruptions but still useful. I was still learning things, and this got me out of my bad environment back home. I was still attending recreational groups as usual. Accepted we couldn’t be friends, while I was a patient here.  But still really liked her I might of even fell in love because of idealizing her. The program also had a few outings too where we’d go on day trips in groups. I never made any inappropriate comments or hit on her or anything like that.  But something was definitely going on where sometimes I can tell by reading her body language she’d feel uncomfortable around me at times.  Other times it was all good at we got along great. But her behaviour started fluctuating, and times she’d ignore me and pretend I wasn’t there when other people were around. Maybe it was just the only way she could deal with the situation, I see that now. But it still hurt me deeply. I’d tried to talk about with her but, she couldn’t I guess, and I blamed myself.

Now with my main primary the psychologist,our meetings weren’t great, it was so formal and made me so uncomfortable.  I didn’t know how it was suppose to go, but i just felt like I had to share more about myself, and my life.  Not really using the time for dbt coaching.  I was left with the unknown of not knowing if I had bpd, and we really hadn’t talked about the first couple sessions. Now by the third or fourth meeting I bring it up and she says that I do have it. I was diagnosed by the psychiatrist and her. And I’m clinically diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder.  The BPD made complete sense to me and really just gave me insight on my mom, who evidently has been living with bpd undiagnosed. Someone who is has severe bpd, domineering and frequent rages, would lose sense of reality.

Now there’s only a few weeks left for me in this dbt program, but they allow most people to repeat the 6 weeks and do it again.  But in my fourth week I find out they decided to not repeat me. And that there going discharge me. I got really overwhelmed after, and really depressed.  As I am seriously fearing for my life, because this pain ive living with just to been to hard to bare by myself. I have been highly symptomatic since 17(now 27), and still living at home with my mom and younger sister.  

I just wish the last 3 months of my therapy went different, it wasn’t at all what I expected. I think think I might not of been ready for this or not at least not ready to of shared so much of my trauma. I see I wasn’t emotionally stable enough too. And when I felt rejected by the rec therapist it just pushed it even more.  I just felt very misunderstood by everyone there! It was horrible!

That was my experience",5.433372636498832,6.6301207539834275,6.132557361376673,76.97075871043128,68.03760356915231,9.48223921818568,30.07908434246866,9.725611199111238,2.8439169747185047,6529,244,1201,144,108,2135,496,1569,0.105,0.7959999999999999,0.099,-0.9583,5,2,1,0,2,0,152.0,15,2,6,12,104,64,2,5,55,2,115,23,4,14,11,276,219,132,0,25,55,3,6,7,3,10,16,12,5,4,90,109,2,2,33,16,0,25,35,28,3,9,79,25,192,36,184,114,48,186,0,11,6,1,138,58,0,41,107,885,282,29,0.027761431424486945,0.0657855133103127,0.0,0.0,0.06672769141699084,0.0,0.024608833928885087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660242004069987,0.04619946973415304,0.0,0.0,0.03775745069739708,0.0,0.021237419053353208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569058527019264,0.07414067919913936,0.1038127634564922,0.0,0.0,0.02134682715453581,0.06953890693104396,0.08461555462038345,0.0,0.04724586683239592,0.0938328796870866,0.0,0.024552730086163536,0.0,0.030836691945882733,0.2097873062649778,0.0,0.0,0.031751681819895294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782803001412881,0.05821466533047739,0.0,0.0,0.0886609760968731,0.061434991680660175,0.06098925768681285,0.035807653245748736,0.02862081679828285,0.0478217604133733,0.08453180556694083,0.0,0.029004787119108925,0.09545101665026047,0.0,0.024294215720553538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028406874996203126,0.0,0.09368362129809707,0.024588388212694882,0.057369959519778774,0.0,0.07334465452631267,0.05022360819078471,0.0,0.0265272374161046,0.049900368993794006,0.054312013868372574,0.026171006842881192,0.031239328489906563,0.014037013865903308,0.0,0.07996598322394684,0.0,0.02537344538124528,0.1180692969386739,0.0,0.0,0.06434523916005136,0.0,0.10152941475927203,0.0,0.11044222868681916,0.09313988618666784,0.11101676382593337,0.09182122845587784,0.06116469313105154,0.0,0.02454934212513857,0.0,0.04973757931098961,0.0,0.0,0.02950910342117046,0.03128915085477598,0.032897429904097865,0.0,0.029331476508322005,0.0835409377425666,0.05514673078742261,0.02733941783861049,0.0,0.059438373030989984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02754893702966176,0.0,0.0,0.028909258784437106,0.045770870060233435,0.02262927187985089,0.0,0.029395347444274893,0.06032575294311428,0.0,0.1372610401272629,0.094939831769569,0.027824247477055718,0.0735415576824701,0.0,0.0,0.031057940664857262,0.0,0.11800888119458175,0.025055775739247662,0.10507415062871896,0.018530971046892948,0.0,0.11156035702357772,0.030240337363766218,0.030836691945882733,0.0,0.027976993317526767,0.14725245819375407,0.028031131844227505,0.06502770591717905,0.022158909703520413,0.0,0.0816313854729499,0.02058474963743677,0.06423398205757375,0.0,0.05904919453302936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029130952304578774,0.0,0.056435593214174185,0.0844552783053334,0.05908024072420689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530028551322304,0.07698512423814609,0.024240211111534096,0.08701436135732676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028243356173456982,0.02993151848798737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553788812419226,0.0,0.3201243091668937,0.028543375164247157,0.027411064367639033,0.02980538792421855,0.0,0.0,0.05281495717703099,0.13246202718611788,0.0,0.0,0.08848906624269194,0.02527296452240697,0.028961227518961307,0.031362515532380175,0.0,0.022964542953052232,0.06241002415900701,0.0,0.02829928325776761,0.047044341513435416,0.021372106211395483,0.027456765536781044,0.0,0.23579620859466285,0.0,0.17736251997198538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635603942335225,0.0,0.06300668678532267,0.0,0.0288547569122859,0.0,0.31239021792538474,0.04852942939924608,0.0,0.2857285463997604,0.12893264638387786,0.12910423030718451,0.1067304257960453,0.08182639626621678,0.0,0.16187913915135999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030843971788138906,0.03769637925801581,0.0,0.0,0.0867018875170637,0.06678716765752553,0.047953926610489535,0.061150589217166026,0.04581217667500193,0.04912323458414602,0.022035732076489338,0.13361127446996382,0.0,0.07488258259349043,0.0257351250603792,0.025050373846165232,0.0,0.031924276069741665,0.026761029224214798,0.030106088156476786,0.04042130542815797,0.0,0.0,0.039441848739151984,0.0,0.0,0.01787745164308727
bpd,Fafy91,2019/09/23,"Dark state of mind I wake up everyday do not know how my mind state will be, regardless of my attempt to cope with my emotions, I can not manage it, today i wake up in a dark mind state, I feel the urge to cry to shout to run to avoid everything and everyone even life! 

The trigger for me is guys I like but they do not like me back, and just want to use me and abuse me verbally and saying bad things about the way I look or even laugh at it, but I can not draw boundaries, so i get hurt but still keep attach to the abuser even worse, the more badly he say things about me I feel more attached! 

That was yesterday, but the crying session happen today, cause my emotions takes a while until effect me and crush me down! I went to my exercise session and found it been cancelled without sending me an email, I got so mad! And yesterday my friends disappointed me somehow! 

I came home do not know how to control the emotions I feel and does not know how i feel, it is just too much pain, I can not stop crying and I wanna die! It is bad as it can get! Life hard in this situation, I know I am sick and it is the BPD not the real me, but how to cope? how to find the real me? how to connect with myself to find a way to live?",3.811220930232558,3.8098289883720966,4.92278100775194,88.48905523255816,71.13178294573643,8.000387596899225,26.20251937984496,7.645422480735847,1.1278054263565886,941,26,217,10,16,311,126,258,0.253,0.6890000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.9966,0,1,0,0,2,1,25.0,0,0,1,3,19,12,1,1,14,0,16,7,2,11,0,64,36,27,1,3,17,0,5,2,1,1,5,3,1,1,11,13,0,4,12,1,0,4,9,8,0,0,6,9,37,4,31,28,3,25,0,2,1,0,8,6,0,2,12,154,48,3,0.0,0.22941797497269975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444413840452811,0.2425074215759633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193408689453815,0.0,0.0,0.11072964515359256,0.0,0.09945484486912068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858534968515228,0.0,0.0,0.3190375347744686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047784730504733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472275268065138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32670880874542746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183458412561866,0.0,0.0,0.09251011025658017,0.08701035401932551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958086596110464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697283686112578,0.0,0.0,0.1061517654902138,0.07479840532469187,0.0,0.10116283992870298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743115425680044,0.0,0.0,0.0958612721384222,0.08561247110278901,0.0,0.08672650064875694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711252928799216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364159592491927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605290304836641,0.0,0.0,0.2128261941688251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676545525023304,0.09459704881521333,0.0,0.08548870610395935,0.0,0.0812995388107765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293264208803581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116957141111274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301712722003194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039149383066645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398106416160368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882320924531068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731593955969257,0.08094100036908658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279222443268178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863809582327346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835370694836352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361637829801162,0.0,0.0,0.0571035193784171,0.1536932000874622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974772681595589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332542719313494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866193369649344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IndowinFTW,2019/09/23,"Dealing With Life How do you guys do it? How do you wake up every day and deal with all the suicidal thoughts, not having any real sense of self, feeling like a failure, and wanting this reality to end? How do you deal with the disassociation? How do you deal with your mind? 

Just woke up and can’t help but be down and filled with existential dread",3.0917391304347817,5.060577811594207,4.115289855072465,86.04076086956526,75.23188405797102,6.918840579710146,24.54347826086957,7.793537801064563,1.1125826086956518,275,9,58,4,6,89,48,69,0.13,0.8059999999999999,0.064,-0.7912,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,8,2,1,4,1,22,12,9,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,10,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,3,40,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287677189525073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122118144745807,0.7808657047763138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771209943396462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953953835262288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957434478775174,0.13527506671909093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874909665525285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692049326129226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374685534548156,0.09250916308397424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911943121460261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155271533357068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197538294392228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207123356066214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032651535094865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168633383407013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Noah_23,2019/09/23,"How do I figure out what to do with my life? I'm a young adult male (21) and I have never had a clear idea of how I want to spend my future. I'm currently in community college working on classes to get an associates degree.

 I lack a sense of self pretty badly, everything either seems not interesting or way to hard for me. All of my ideas for the future feel fake or stolen, I feel like I'm just copying what happy people are doing so I can enjoy life like they are, but I know it doesn't really work like that.

I'm scared to death of picking a major or career field and ending up hating it. How did you figure out what field you wanted to pursue when you were my age?",3.8403546099290766,4.0786052340425565,5.5001418439716305,83.53333333333335,71.12765957446808,7.9687943262411345,22.758865248226947,7.793537801064563,0.9134737588652482,522,10,111,6,9,179,93,141,0.177,0.725,0.098,-0.9134,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,1,2,6,10,1,1,6,0,11,2,0,4,3,30,23,11,1,3,7,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,8,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,3,3,16,6,18,20,4,14,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,4,11,74,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333811019788258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326505581067148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581449714989714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978270368803768,0.13975403124748498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022056169796189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824569340585425,0.1752409385410018,0.1931384853017095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416720219320836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750999329288906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763504414308655,0.2867164389243327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087751163780455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562125069290915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990202302543832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253219288677568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585404035990533,0.0,0.0,0.17808900569640207,0.20407879764268685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076854836784025,0.15527745515627986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284833624732428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Kittyrich,2019/09/23,"DAE here constantly fantasize about being roughed up?? I'm not sure if this is the place to ask but I'm just curious since a lot of us seem similar... I've never been physically abused or anything but when I think about sex I immediately go to being like borderline assaulted by a guy and it is a big turn on. Consensually of course, but I'm not entirely sure how to process it and I can't understand why that's what my brain defaults to. Is it unhealthy?",2.16274154589372,4.376812206521741,4.429275362318844,81.51379227053141,79.1086956521739,8.871497584541064,27.613526570048307,9.444778638647367,2.737633816425121,361,16,75,11,9,125,67,92,0.142,0.757,0.10099999999999999,-0.6008,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,4,0,7,2,1,1,3,18,16,9,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,5,3,11,13,1,8,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,4,4,48,11,0,0.0,0.2695245459543037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871952293090124,0.0,0.21266147003284366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539409748013347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458231908296239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928113997458374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523924597263775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113438968141652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933938858089536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754452612004928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376663701597531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207087668547633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881723711198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287911444613694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457588867450504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474310297873409,0.0,0.2368128958340584,0.2736283435770757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526375176325756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ntensegirl,2019/09/23,"the whirlwind that has been my life This is my first post on here so please be patient :)

I am a 42yo female.  When I turned about 16 I went to my doctor because I was having fits of rage with hardly no provocation and then a minute later I was crying my eyes out and hoping my boyfriend/friend/parent would forgive me.  My parents chalked it up to hormones and being a normal teenager.  I KNEW that it wasn't just that.

When I was about 22 I had come to my parents with my then husband (now ex) and a fight ensued so bad that my parents told me they didn't want me to come back again (I am an only child and things blew over quite quickly).  So I went to my doctor AGAIN thinking that I must have anxiety or whatever the case may be.  She then prescribed me zoloft and I thought that would be the end of it.

Fast forward a couple years and my now ex-husband and me would fight all the time about the DUMBEST things..and I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that what was such a trivial thing was being blown out of proportion by me.  My husband then left me (long story but he got some other woman pregnant) and he said it was because, after 9 years, he didn't want to walk around on eggshells anymore.

So back to my parents I went.  3 months later I met someone online...picked up all of my stuff....and moved 4 hours away...I was with him for 4 years...but he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder Cluster Trait B.  He would yell at me, spit on me, throw things at me.  He had tried to commit suicide multiple times.  It got to where we were fighting all the time and I couldn't sleep.  So  I went to RVH (In barrie, ON) and was speaking to the same psychiatrist that my boyfriend was.  I told the psychiatrist that I couldnt sleep and that I was blowing up on people left right and center.  He started me on clonazepam, nozinan, trazadone AND respirodol).  One day my boyfriend came out of his session with the psychiatrist (who was HEAD of psychology there) and demanded to know why I had told the doctor this, that, and the other thing.  (I know totally unethical) and then the doctor told me that he hoped one day that he wouldnt see me because I had left my boyfriend (who backstory stabbed his dad over a piece of pizza because his dad took it and didnt pay for it) 

I am a nurturer by nature and I was always afraid that if i LEFT him, there would be no one to save him if he tried to kill himself again.  We then moved in with his mother (who was an alcoholic) and we weren't even there 2 days when we got in a fight to end all fights.  His mom had me in the laundry room with a knife to my throat...I called my parents at 2am and my dad said he would pick me up in the morning.  Cops were then called and my ex-boyfriend was sent to the drunk tank (because they asked his mom who they should take and she said him) and then I was made to stay up all night long and wait for my parents to pick me up (because she said if her son was in the drunk tank then I wasn't going to sleep).  And what was the fight about? I wanted to go to sleep because I had to work in the morning and his mom and him were up all night blaring music and partying (keep in mind NEITHER of them worked) 

Fast forward a year and I met someone ELSE online, and he was nice, but yet again, he didn't work (was on disability which there is no problem with it) and his parents kicked him out of their house and so I begged my parents to let him move in with us (never should have happened) but he would go out and I would want to know where he was all the time.  I couldnt let him breathe...because I knew that he was a recovering alcoholic and my last relationship he was an alcoholic.  So I basically pushed him away as well. (short end to a REALLY long story)

Fast forward a couple of years and now I am with my current husband. I had known him since I was about 7 years old, we caught up at my cousins wedding, I went home with him that night (which unfortunately is NOT a new thing for me) and we started dating the next day.  We have been together now for just over 6 years (married for just over 3).  I explained to him that I thought I had BPD and that I was going to get help and talk to my doctor because I was so afraid that I would lose him too because yet again I was making people walk around on eggshells. I told my doctor that SOMETHING had to be done.  

Finally I started researching and I came across the symptoms of BPD.  I got the book I hate you, don't leave me and started reading.  I went to my doctor and said: ""is it possible that this is what I could have?"" and she said (GET THIS) ""I thought you probably had this since you were a teenager but I like people to come to the conclusion themselves because you can't get help if you don't know what you have""  UMMMM...so since i have been going to her for 26 YEARS telling her about all these symptoms, you would THINK that she would have been HEY, lets have you speak to someone.  and THEN she stated that she felt that BPD was ""a spoiled kid syndrome"" and  I was like, huh?  She said that children that were spoiled (I didnt have a bad childhood and was an only child but I definitely wasn't spoiled) are more likely to have BPD.  Has anyone's doctor EVER told them that???  

I am now on effexor for my anxiety and doxepin for sleep (although sleep is a rarity) and I am being enrolled in a program called, Managing Powerful Emotions  [https://www.providencecare.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/personality-disorders-service-programming-sept-2016.pdf](https://www.providencecare.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/personality-disorders-service-programming-sept-2016.pdf)  in hopes that I can at least learn to live with what I have.  To get into the program I had to basically face 3 psychologists at once and answer 200+ questions to see if I did actually have BPD.  They confirmed that I did but that I was low on the spectrum and that they didn't want to change my medications but that the program would help.  So here's to crossing fingers!

​

\~As always....make today your best day possible!\~",4.981646966538435,5.879143768251275,5.020519438653803,85.62676183619523,68.87266553480475,7.594438116524468,27.72972856805141,7.582092963065842,1.3349250478175838,4741,151,985,48,79,1477,384,1178,0.08199999999999999,0.8590000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9734,11,0,4,0,7,2,192.0,8,9,8,9,53,28,9,2,51,1,129,32,12,5,14,175,207,88,2,36,17,21,3,3,0,17,17,10,2,6,65,83,6,2,19,4,1,30,24,16,1,4,101,16,176,12,135,73,16,172,0,2,3,0,145,65,0,12,83,698,241,22,0.0,0.0,0.0344498357008484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318188440943132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029374242118106124,0.03824989774893847,0.04289601324103856,0.0,0.0,0.054012142808271914,0.0,0.035010277009653167,0.02468410537460872,0.0,0.0,0.09427927524399236,0.03300277325982372,0.0,0.06633512118509748,0.054290395357256827,0.05895169217525743,0.2367186968116657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037047460391893786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230930221323936,0.0,0.10814241972428283,0.08075257961198515,0.0,0.0,0.0373450259949391,0.09122910772037388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02818591851035793,0.07812238237953148,0.03877778754182598,0.11383492951048425,0.0,0.0,0.035830970033383834,0.0,0.0,0.04045935721251242,0.2890662204286626,0.0,0.03612638723715415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029490441874053436,0.03971020144237618,0.09380176086130493,0.0,0.0,0.023316757232519497,0.031932843288684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033895629335851725,0.03867181310627006,0.0,0.03002801664130187,0.0,0.0,0.02727437703089101,0.0,0.07377572892774735,0.0,0.10031521339276396,0.0,0.1129375144279926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031217601568745045,0.0,0.03162381961214298,0.034853594543575964,0.07246044360499378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098692221655868,0.0,0.035410965337115026,0.10518909187658447,0.034765536642761066,0.04073397645701382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031378200005141944,0.03905663219479396,0.0,0.07760462053452295,0.028775988771308214,0.0,0.037379911844990905,0.15342368932846176,0.10829661386275452,0.024934974048604,0.05174058653114124,0.0,0.031172472087352306,0.09372395636236727,0.0,0.03949410995533005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03340377669573838,0.023564479564259968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035563232807458565,0.0,0.0,0.03564513871587571,0.12403646117506058,0.028177863618347117,0.11256189290429873,0.0,0.0,0.027227217859521848,0.03409506584300147,0.03754426938389949,0.09938611470033568,0.0345886414607117,0.0,0.0,0.03704369989740905,0.03759567002151085,0.07176501326492944,0.05369779799136864,0.0,0.0,0.3135911491064637,0.0,0.0,0.07342226085742458,0.03082450228461535,0.0,0.03875119306847554,0.0,0.07959580837392274,0.033809730429831014,0.0,0.03806172131792885,0.03377941900978311,0.0,0.0,0.03954652136733503,0.03754821432067601,0.035311733703348364,0.0,0.022615480748709185,0.0,0.0,0.037901330311713485,0.0,0.030147869201060964,0.2350632039614187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056262534431135006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760698536796364,0.0,0.2119660514668736,0.0,0.08973426876029426,0.02717734320501589,0.0,0.0,0.09994826003628028,0.037627427235906924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04041255062192965,0.03861485561682995,0.0,0.0,0.07338496486456443,0.02654284627427487,0.028374555408385217,0.03085566170412508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726600021717445,0.04524042356246567,0.0,0.08407796391348074,0.08233994120997355,0.0,0.03346233927388965,0.2023964774666933,0.039222021395585484,0.04793572643464065,0.03839863503367651,0.0,0.0,0.04246417641682197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411070333364457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031740899829768604,0.19635284962705501,0.03185472693693552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710122340422987,0.0,0.0,0.3009318733179548,0.0,0.04289601324103856,0.1591341273951463
bpd,SVNTVCLVUS,2019/09/23,"DAE feel uncomfortable in their own skin. I’ve been trying to find the words for this feeling and this sub has helped a lot, but I just can’t actually describe the uncomfortableness of knowing I am who I am and being in my own skin. It’s almost like when I get really low and manic in my head, but in a whole body physical feeling. Does this make any sense?",5.8897945205479445,5.291920136986303,6.8836643835616425,78.21535958904111,66.8082191780822,10.03972602739726,29.20890410958904,9.516144504307137,2.2354410958904114,282,8,60,5,4,95,54,73,0.07,0.843,0.087,0.0441,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,6,4,4,1,0,15,12,6,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,7,1,7,10,4,6,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.2690461483907537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27607651485017337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748734863365246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062436423423483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412693658311304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182108374123027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25198735149555124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404332639706835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28295059854420274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847977657941708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151904085586973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469445488375467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343926493100986,0.0,0.0,0.18403375042629408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766222643928487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718409399025507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30781231449444835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kakashi-liz,2019/09/23,"Has anyone read The Angry Heart overcoming borderline and addictive disorders I have hear good things about it and I'm really keen and motivated to use this and my dbt workbook to start making progress with my bpd. 

I was diagnosed just over 5 years ago, I have not had any help since my diagnosis. I moved to a new part of the country (I'm in the UK) my whole life changed and I thought my mental health had improved too, but I just think I was in a different phase of my bpd because over the past 2 years it seems to have flipped back and is getting to crisis point again.  

I've only managed the first 3 pages so far as it can be a bit mentally overwhelming when already low, but I'm about to have another crack now as I feel more positive today. Now, although I've only read the first 3 pages I already identify and recognise so much of what the author has written, which make me hopeful. 

Has anyone read it, or had any success with it or any other books?

I'm on a waiting list for cbt which is like a year to 18 months, the dbt is even longer. So I decided to try and take control of my own recovery.",6.0942000000000025,5.278233586666668,6.6691666666666665,80.64375000000003,66.46666666666667,10.344444444444443,33.861111111111114,9.725611199111238,2.936311111111111,867,34,183,16,12,285,133,225,0.053,0.823,0.12300000000000001,0.9427,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,6,14,7,0,1,13,0,17,5,1,5,0,29,35,19,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,11,10,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,2,0,2,7,2,18,5,24,27,8,25,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,4,17,116,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685438673380658,0.0,0.0,0.10315003152963584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25682204773559203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373953744316013,0.12201823354166197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272940703554048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947705122523107,0.0,0.07093466640648427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703980140938365,0.0,0.2931138105159597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309812009906836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051258439303828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181074302380545,0.0,0.12157604519142726,0.13336369919656507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685759764950957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058837343818649614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795902133519608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079560328311779,0.0,0.0,0.09760094916103107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368993009182055,0.1311511511082759,0.13789239025538086,0.07799661350404345,0.0,0.0,0.1155761186392934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219162655069971,0.056849774636384826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553482991746433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345359191863213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928809646643846,0.12367695600827433,0.08554123297426107,0.0,0.0,0.11238547565869172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700076007693208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601132017754524,0.11108299958156494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000198304796298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491877100508778,0.0,0.07454602296113119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593379169720596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625784531345054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236333079073417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874915572125879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773073457237777,0.07456161757364713,0.0,0.09238034627788066,0.0,0.0,0.11029985785232163,0.0,0.0,0.07900379839723691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050149178413224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299167120459087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480460138619066
bpd,exxplosionz,2019/09/23,"Feeling like my life is a big mess and I'm unable to get it in order Hello fellow redditors,

first off: I'm a 23F, diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder and BPD.

I'm posting here because I could really use some support or friendly words.

My life is a f\*ckin mess. My room looks like a dump, I've already spent all my money for this month on stuff I really can't afford and now I can't even buy food for this next week, also I haven't showered in like 5 days already (I know it's not that bad, but for me it is because I attach great importance to hygiene). Also I don't have myself under control when it comes to sleep hygiene. When I tell myself that I need to go to sleep at this and that time I'm not able to stick to it. Because reddit seems so interesting, I can't go to sleep. It's so difficult to put my phone away. 

I don't know if you already noticed it, but I really have no control over myself. If I want something, I get it even if I can't afford it. In that moment I don't care about money issues in the future. The same with internet data passes. I just buy and buy and buy.  I stay awake til the morning hours because I feel like it, even when I have something important the next day. 

I don't want to live like this anymore but I don't know to stick to self set boundaries. Maybe some of you have had the same problem (what I don't hope) and can help me a little bit. And also: sorry for the rant.",2.7366818181818218,3.686913316666669,4.438848484848486,87.52609090909094,74.16666666666666,7.187878787878788,24.96969696969697,7.520522993642371,1.0974333333333326,1105,34,240,13,22,374,144,300,0.095,0.7659999999999999,0.139,0.9047,4,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,3,15,18,1,0,11,0,21,7,3,3,1,42,45,24,0,9,10,0,2,5,2,0,3,0,2,1,20,11,1,2,6,0,7,5,14,7,0,1,2,3,35,11,31,42,6,38,0,1,1,0,9,13,0,8,21,156,55,0,0.0962397156504173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31860875811710226,0.23088859750556145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544393754218462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042038087127968,0.0,0.08035614263249018,0.2346673495829959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506884362243588,0.0,0.12121055283074016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812280414641936,0.0,0.0,0.08290199338603534,0.0,0.0,0.21588204906213315,0.0768395818499226,0.0,0.0,0.12413330976298124,0.0,0.08289112606826765,0.09768128555507406,0.0,0.0,0.11029905195332322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069627358617566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732338382551292,0.13750734418052513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186145296816343,0.11637344617734098,0.0,0.07435456557857567,0.0,0.10056255855912777,0.0,0.10939049649849927,0.0,0.0,0.1061046262606276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450745275433496,0.0,0.0,0.09558775282297514,0.09477673390122916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004492592759318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867249250640802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595391462082754,0.2350893190549273,0.09645747816219356,0.08498143211264529,0.0,0.08081712255459426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668572986782303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681762285171824,0.0,0.0,0.07136052970577532,0.0,0.0,0.20470405881997653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956955414054056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217104447854403,0.0,0.0,0.09208841041994836,0.0,0.09674749581649583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496087861325336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761302261720395,0.10039901252546407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28892765646626617,0.0,0.0,0.1481800699095782,0.0,0.10773248240907096,0.0,0.1025787317817219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017144926949092,0.0,0.10921168882786493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411775341564108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611815213505022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312021434967817,0.0,0.0,0.11352935555133699,0.0,0.07719769480460557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jaz801,2019/09/23,"Can someone help with anger managment? Some days I loose, like one hour ago.

I am so angry at everything an everybody.

I want fight, kill and destroy.

Only punching for 20 to 30 min calms me down.

I have tried meditation, but wave still has to unleash its energy.

I am fed up with it.

I know it is sadness combined with high energy.

I get angry for loosing in a controlled environment like a game or a competition.

Other days, I am want to challenge the system like my university or the political party I work for.

I am angry for getting angry.

I know it is terrible for my body.

But, I want to release this stagnant energy.",1.8092798110979944,4.392465966942151,4.359226682408502,79.20299586776859,83.54545454545455,7.424085005903188,25.99822904368359,8.418075326091056,2.3348791027154685,486,21,89,12,14,170,78,121,0.261,0.547,0.192,-0.9542,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,2,11,4,0,6,0,9,2,1,1,0,15,17,6,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,15,5,16,16,1,12,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,9,61,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591675300408146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454982051113449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478874837096764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850732048855344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863432569014414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309427736574296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814191558086118,0.2335148286559341,0.0,0.0,0.21765557797013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445207143291641,0.0,0.2429284884792839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239307760921327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976570620035473,0.16809211630518928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726557022494705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765031264684714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005489991080326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910817003599369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090179109168673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mustyoumoose,2019/09/23,"I can't accept my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder Please excuse my formatting, I'm on mobile.

I just can't accept this diagnosis. Since I was 15 I've been actively trying to work on my mental health. I had a really rough upbringing, with an alcoholic father and and it all manifested in high school. I ended up getting diagnosed with ADHD, major depressive disorder, anxiety with separation disorder. All of these things I could accept, I was always able to say ""okay, you got this, now you know what it is and you can get better from it."" I ended up getting diagnosed with bipolar at one point, but my doctors don't think that is true anymore, and after learning more about it, I don't either. All of this I could accept, because they were all treatable (other than ADHD, but I wouldn't change the fact that I have ADHD if I could, it is a superpower to me in a lot of ways. ) 

I'm 25 now and it's been a long journey, but about 2 years ago I had a one time 4hr intake with a psychiatrist, and got a diagnosed with BPD.

I hate it. Everything I read about BPD lines up with how I am, but I hate everything about. I can't seem to accept that I have this condition. I would never go around telling people I know I have all these conditions. I would open up with my closer friends that I have adhd/depression/anxiety. But with BPD I don't even want to tell my closest friends or SO. 

It makes me feel like there is nothing I can do. I feel like if I accept it I will live a life of being manipulative, emotionally volatile, acceptance/appreciation seeking, fear of abandonment, the list goes on.

Can anyone help me with this?",4.106104166666668,5.536303068750001,5.76125,77.50541666666669,71.4375,9.333333333333334,28.020833333333336,9.725611199111238,2.6702708333333334,1282,47,247,32,24,438,160,320,0.135,0.773,0.091,-0.8931,1,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,3,1,2,12,18,2,1,11,1,34,8,0,3,8,61,52,16,0,9,10,1,3,2,2,4,8,1,0,1,23,18,1,1,13,1,0,2,8,5,0,2,9,4,43,13,39,35,9,29,0,2,0,0,13,16,0,5,12,182,66,5,0.08785506592995725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223388656841864,0.0,0.0778782150755587,0.09389034704745776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310245277631773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344177699330544,0.0,0.08712861804207744,0.06143030483025533,0.0,0.0,0.07820963503328641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355563274966158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770066634884289,0.0,0.0,0.3319511400791967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293901058787242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043536393987747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566943955018299,0.26751312775289154,0.0,0.0,0.30206855088507234,0.08992338271720739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882512420260972,0.15562702329767314,0.0,0.0,0.058027442465876225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579169366609844,0.0,0.0,0.09886137433344017,0.08884432216711248,0.12552735330926734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575321200714233,0.0,0.1377019375928359,0.0,0.04993005858878356,0.0,0.1405314438743948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734773778307073,0.0,0.09338582679544846,0.0,0.0,0.058887398787541276,0.09282370073283228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656569325327646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205463124930166,0.08584309496517029,0.0,0.07757763279557513,0.07774896871031574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469123532676109,0.0,0.0,0.058643938714013785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885372427253618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775924293819832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429930522402512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906573276223276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090764073140071,0.07671165484217345,0.0,0.096438480009943,0.08305143457068087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878788407585088,0.0,0.056282204892264535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986587467164587,0.0,0.0889140170792338,0.0,0.07997995241711743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267461840646154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357839998312564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583670020058809,0.05629397881583515,0.0,0.0,0.05122899545548304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964782280845335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181919413175772,0.0697352620184866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395953434579403,0.0,0.0,0.12481943630331507,0.0,0.0,0.056575782017410176
bpd,UnemployedTreeShark,2019/09/23,"I'm the worst thing in his life, how do I not ruin everything? Does anyone feel like they're the worst thing in their partner's life? He's been patient and stayed with me for almost a year, but for the last 6 months, I can tell that he's being pushed to his limit. **How do BPD people stay in stable or long-term relationships?**

I feel (I KNOW) that I'm the absolute most complicated, frustrating, and upsetting part of his life. He's told me that he doesn't know how to help me or make things better, and that he doesn't know how to deal with me sometimes. He's amazing, and I love him, and he does like me, but he's a normal person (e.g. psychologically well adjusted, has a healthy relationship with his parents, gainfully employed, educated, etc.). Sometimes I feel like all I do is bring him down, and I feel like someone as normal and healthy as him should be with another normal and healthy person. I love him so much, and I don't want him to leave, but at the same time... I can't blame for getting fed up. How do I prevent this from ending (too soon)?",4.353762575452716,4.945748122065731,5.1905197853789415,84.9474295774648,70.12676056338029,8.33923541247485,26.95137491616365,8.418075326091056,1.56394594232059,822,25,177,12,14,268,112,213,0.069,0.6829999999999999,0.248,0.9925,2,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,1,3,10,14,1,1,8,0,15,6,0,6,1,44,32,22,0,5,6,1,4,4,1,1,3,0,0,3,8,13,1,2,8,0,0,2,5,5,1,0,3,4,27,9,21,26,8,16,0,1,0,2,30,6,0,4,10,111,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507021770443253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049781557024815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035085211313622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163248852727637,0.0,0.0,0.1447307212023572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847174732442448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112481111742134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178009020427456,0.0,0.12815998287563984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032776937935432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23241678553499745,0.24628470825051296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003805479932469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770247304547738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946192174782286,0.0936706104224896,0.0,0.1216778053357562,0.0,0.0,0.2435024136161583,0.22456557386585368,0.0,0.0,0.10169566802661542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742954705441446,0.0,0.07670628462551228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172361396540264,0.0,0.0844753395898387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377752735162264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275988924018344,0.12444114603030106,0.0,0.07966720735786506,0.2006777225217884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675021764412575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736663667051666,0.0,0.2273066496980372,0.0,0.0,0.24496701787217004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004402903332046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290321540526613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700753722649135,0.0,0.0,0.1098056771239427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777951722375418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332188707892499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400113521538361
bpd,Chaos__Reigns,2019/09/23,"Why am I like this? Yet again I have irreparably destroyed a perfectly good relationship with a perfect guy for absolutely no reason. This is the 3rd time. I had no reason to message anyone else, I don't think I was unhappy or bored and he treated me amazingly. But I threw that all away for some cheap worthless thrills with someone else. 

He found out and smashed my phone. He hasn't stopped sending me horrible messages calling me all sorts, which is no more than I deserve. But I just don't understand why I did it.

I sometimes sent this other guy messages and pictures while I was in my boyfriend's house, while he was in the next room. I have completely betrayed his trust for nothing. 

It was an earlier post on here about how someone would have constant amazing sex when they were single but as soon as they were in a relationship they lost all sex drive. This happened to me as well so our relationship was never off to a great start. We were always arguing about our sex life and why I wasn't as active with him as I'd said I had been in my single phases. I just don't understand it. 

Alone again, naturally.",3.4493191694833416,5.517497220183485,4.1489570255915025,85.75251327860941,74.50458715596329,7.341767262192178,28.90487687107677,8.20500826718156,2.0256477064220184,886,38,174,15,19,282,127,218,0.135,0.762,0.10300000000000001,-0.8471,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,3,3,13,16,2,0,7,0,24,4,0,3,6,32,34,18,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,10,9,0,1,6,0,1,4,9,5,1,0,18,1,30,11,25,15,7,27,0,2,0,3,26,9,0,3,14,128,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458484481784955,0.0,0.0,0.10812546446863004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086125006701123,0.13314501201900744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208852503977324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268937361782626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624588688927114,0.1404254393848592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171063826733889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247905901785152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899252212676314,0.0,0.143265900842617,0.0,0.257333899016418,0.1149108002734342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994021314184047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917846880841456,0.06348504162325927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185138664498886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002223500920468,0.0,0.13819902310831875,0.0,0.0,0.1246866717266071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445232770895227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672122182263971,0.0,0.4185400522800493,0.0,0.0,0.12360838357059495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202056130094806,0.0,0.12851989616132115,0.0,0.09197643292210142,0.0,0.0,0.10864065722594324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832641364972268,0.0,0.0,0.07577254548263129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705566943238219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683704120592525,0.0,0.35176810333307085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230989530751246,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Manu771910,2019/09/23,"Do you guys usually hate your partner after a break up and what can I do? Last year my ex-girlfriend, who is diagnosed with a bipolar personality disorder, broke up with me. I didn't do anything wrong, in fact she did. She cancelled a date with me to go out with another guy, lied to me and everything clearly pointed at cheating so I confronted her and that's when she ghosted me for 2 weeks.

After those 2 weeks we met and we didn't even talk about her potential cheating, but she wanted to break up with me. She cried and said she doesn't know if that's the right decision or not and she begged me that I agree to a one month relationship break. Which I did. I know stupid, but I was heartbroken.

After the one month she hated me. I don't know what happened during that month. She broke up over text, came by with another guy, didn't want to talk to me at all. I asked her over text if she cheated and she said no (We agreed that cheating is not ok during the break). I believed her. And she also gave me a hard time getting my stuff back. She never said it openly, but it definitely felt like she hated me.

So now, one year later, she messages me out of the blue. I still have things from her and she wants them back. They are worth maybe \~20$ and I also told her after the break up that I still have her things and back then she told me ""Just keep them"". So I don't know why her mind changed. I don't know why it's suddenly so important to her.

But since she pretty much ghosted me back then I never had the chance to ask her why she did all of these things to me. And now, one year later, I thought that might be a good chance to have a talk about it without many emotions being in the way.

Well big mistake. I asked her about it in a really calm way and she got so angry, I've never seen her like this. So during the one year we haven't seen each other she started hating me even more. And I don't know why she started hating me in the first place anyways.

So now I wanted to ask you guys if you can understand her behaviour since you have a bordline personality too. Thanks for reading this and thanks for every answer.",2.134880709747033,3.844927931662873,3.3228156096391324,91.8161404507853,77.20045558086561,6.443376093993528,21.803201055029373,7.273561745256523,0.5265088838268794,1658,45,368,20,38,536,183,439,0.175,0.728,0.09699999999999999,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,4,5,3,1,28,23,11,0,18,1,29,2,0,0,7,68,70,35,2,8,12,0,2,2,1,1,2,3,0,7,25,30,0,1,11,1,1,2,16,15,1,6,21,8,85,8,47,46,5,67,0,2,3,0,71,20,0,5,40,271,110,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086925019526278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537467577861862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704388361706756,0.0,0.2592167800678881,0.0,0.0,0.2132090743151672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809912168516059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928282081174709,0.0,0.0,0.07333063583587003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614400421453013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035763786909978,0.0,0.0,0.07944593184394083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779748907213119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915694975669846,0.0,0.05840450621670255,0.0,0.062299723772365465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655740584011956,0.0,0.0,0.058962967477788314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03621647707689142,0.0,0.03939575986959688,0.058141746229778565,0.05544098258125306,0.0,0.0,0.2745480508384007,0.06129883461902411,0.0,0.06209648374676634,0.34219232427263485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161418546271686,0.0,0.0,0.2285764710018887,0.05650448747021496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773182430173552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027889762612055,0.06964056144935263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735368307309599,0.06999273977871058,0.0,0.16599002950833486,0.0,0.05095766693381318,0.0,0.16038996984104922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348627835203585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210538909337695,0.07242392238909019,0.0,0.06552915149006222,0.0,0.0,0.07052265638475477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693380662068456,0.0,0.04440772335414804,0.0,0.0,0.07442299414010135,0.0,0.0591983097805325,0.19781560594797745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468329484390842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812912514965924,0.0,0.11071697689449513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793540224943742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714870060117146,0.0,0.12763980985526674,0.0,0.0,0.13815800303397854,0.0,0.0,0.05503178704794948,0.04042064560641743,0.0,0.0,0.13247513770271396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216384369859792,0.0,0.0,0.07634542376271072,0.0,0.16354529406535478,0.11004487936014047,0.1112075342687704,0.0,0.062326382282744126,0.0,0.2501995720640341,0.0,0.0,0.06682133868549661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578978073417006,0.0,0.1785574450171579
bpd,BPDTraumaBonded,2019/09/23,"Do I have BPD? I am convinced she has BPD. When I think of the things that led to the relationship ending, I truly want to feel like I could have done something about it. I didnt know about BPD until after the relationship, and although she love bombed me while discarding me.. and she told me things like I dont give up on the people i love only to give up days later.. and even though she told me she wouldnt move on for 6 years, or even think of another guy... only to begin hitting up other guys, dancing with revealing clothing and looking for new supply right away... and although she promised to never talk bad about me.. only to find myself being harrassed by her friends... ( I did try to beg/ send a few messages every few days for couple weeks, did send her a bday present..) I sometimes think I got too obsessive, too compulsive, to and she only lied to me at the time of breaking up, telling me her mother is making her do it for her own image and ego, and so I dont look down on her, speak bad about her.... seeing all her lies unfold, and wanting to not expose, wanting her to just stay away from me has left me traumatized at her trying to continue the deception.. and yet... I wasnt perfect... she was my first relationship, the first person I ever loved, I was ready to give her my life forever. One day after an arguement, (4mo in) she for the first time, got so mad she stormed off. (Some red flags and contradictions in her stories led me to investigate on my own through social media, and saw I had reached out in this regard to other people 1 month into the relationship and lost it) she told me stop calling her babe, I would tell her to remember our good times, it was when we first met, (we met thru family with intent in potentially getting married) and she went and deleted our memories, blocked me on snap, and then i started messaging her frantically.. and she apparently put her phone down, went to sleep.. and I thought she was there, reading my texts, and I felt this pain in my chest I never felt before. My parents were away, and I was in my car bawling out crying, the pain my chest was so strong I wanted to feel pain anywhere else but there.. I was screaming and I told her I would kill meself...  and I tried cutting myself, I wanted more pain,  I burnt myself, and sent her the video to prove it... the pain in my chest was not going away and I was convinced I needed to end it, and told her I was going to.. luckily.. I didnt go to end it.. I layed down... I woke up 4am to her blowing up my phone, speeding to my house, telling me police are coming. Worried for my life...  after the psych ward for 2 weeks we barely spoke, when we did start, there was always drama cuz her family didnt want her with me.. she said she fought them for me but her mom wont budge a month later... and after 2months of just resistence and hell between us.. it was over... she went NC... I did get toxic, I did tell you that I believed your mom was against us, that the decsion was unreasonable.. they wanted us to go NC for 6 months, she didnt want to talk to me on the low, wanted us to try to speak to other people.. I think I hurt her and her family, because the trauma they felt from the loss of loved ones when she was a child led them to evaluate me as a risk to deliver more pain if I become suicidal again. I know I will never do something like that ever again in my life. I am not suicidal, and although I am sensitive, I am emotionally weak (as you used to tell me even before I almost killed myself) and I really am too traumatized by you to even contemplate another relationship... I am not the person you painted me as in your head.
I felt that same pain I felt that day ten fold after that day, and I never thought about ending my life for it.. I believe it was the pain of first heartbreak.. and being it was my first relationship and I'm well into adulthood.... i handled it, and my emotions as an adolescence... I allowed her to love bomb me, gaslight me, I tried argueing but she was always right, i let her win, and just wanted her to be that loving person she was again.. she told me i had retroactive jealousy, while doing things actively to make me feel jelous.. she would pull up articles saying I had issues and I would believe her only to realize 2 weeks in like wtf, I dont have these issues. I dont give a fuck what you used to do, I'm mad because your purposely flaunting what you used to do verbally, teasing me.. and leaving my balls hurting every night.. she sexually abused me.. worst of all, she out right would lie about her past, she would message and giggle at 3am when shes supposed to be asleep and when I call out to her she would ignore me, then the next day say I'm crazy (we slept on the phone)... and after all that stuff, after the way things ended, under the intense emotions and behind lies.. I still want nothing but happiness for her.. I still wonder about her, call out to the person she was when she claimed to love me, the person that said I was their world, the person that said they would so anything for me...  wtf is really wrong with me? Do I have a personality disorder?",5.020555836121456,5.135477742661448,5.756126507164954,83.15357742566759,68.54011741682974,8.589634492771921,28.22555394230163,8.310345600021478,1.7491267091724008,3951,120,819,51,62,1292,372,1022,0.159,0.762,0.078,-0.9986,3,0,2,0,1,2,190.0,11,9,6,11,41,57,10,3,35,0,80,28,7,11,11,142,166,72,4,23,13,4,8,4,1,11,13,9,0,11,36,58,0,3,22,5,0,19,19,35,1,9,66,22,206,22,139,82,12,143,1,6,5,8,161,50,2,5,75,613,242,2,0.0,0.042536333946061336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03594925953813846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974434108230404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528980707832154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029543130325308812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491916114409544,0.0,0.05995099363817481,0.043769338351270094,0.03964938603289176,0.061097523391639964,0.12134302841610035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564662594998494,0.0,0.10997556266295587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03092518328566885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028663703431566562,0.03972332494808407,0.03943511727044589,0.13891748073177987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114519155177045,0.0,0.0,0.03673877256968512,0.16830091741136954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029990340021492708,0.121150010094624,0.15898635422620164,0.0,0.0,0.09484801626076744,0.06494828610372685,0.06049559845287587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153165620421843,0.0,0.05445725777854101,0.025647391867326338,0.1723510033125444,0.0,0.03281249295746102,0.18322216393156499,0.0,0.0,0.027736710237308608,0.03318952109909948,0.037513157743209236,0.13775648607808968,0.08161254068219433,0.030111715354763237,0.057425969969235185,0.0,0.0,0.07109446563041827,0.0,0.038216850389130766,0.0,0.0,0.036844367254699056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04142446591985948,0.07686465780180862,0.0,0.0,0.0749417867325041,0.0,0.0,0.07943737734542483,0.0,0.03946005568531282,0.0,0.0,0.03801354591404143,0.03900610094249493,0.03671079019196687,0.10143060634200596,0.07015686820868512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029491512907791,0.0,0.03918973975448108,0.0,0.2268118171751441,0.0,0.04792785117156583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409268470983522,0.08596653599860006,0.03815665039404816,0.0,0.026619835909582064,0.1107550066470516,0.0346730178562174,0.03818068950917694,0.033690275943277566,0.0,0.03444758864463852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865434386399815,0.13652009921081115,0.3056061096253061,0.0,0.03986336161729407,0.0,0.034271179664806764,0.07466685571090904,0.21942910042510025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03609001325966425,0.0,0.0,0.03591030968727432,0.0,0.04599768021787777,0.0,0.0,0.23126281827237224,0.04066837513929386,0.09197673457637806,0.10244905950184068,0.0570991873442112,0.0,0.0,0.0286081257321757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035926521456532114,0.03659613500037503,0.0,0.05527606314480781,0.03550660591313322,0.0,0.05082125109969768,0.03826525698591435,0.057340522247324874,0.03001450450460512,0.0,0.0,0.041097591533675815,0.07853884691015665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057711075899806015,0.1568935097763035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540303897766213,0.09201460535241608,0.03527215179593768,0.057002123758129575,0.06280177603263079,0.0,0.0,0.2058273390511328,0.0,0.12187073536332635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273597932672813,0.0930197607506821,0.0,0.0,0.2329261085205948,0.02849622086036227,0.08639187419583921,0.0,0.03227894592248984,0.09984063225728486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893266329299002,0.0,0.03645879634726412,0.0,0.20402201822213092,0.039251664290371614,0.0,0.023118805795673998
bpd,astralotl,2019/09/23,"I can't lose you. How much longer until I finally do it?
Until I finally give in and do it? It seems that every single time I feel this way, some way, somehow I summon the strength to continue. To press on. I feel like I'm losing the meaning of my life, and I'm losing someone who matters so much to me. I wish I wasn't so dependent on you. I wish I wasn't so dependent on how you make me feel. Because one of these days, you probably will leave. And I won't know what to do. 

I feel like I'm slowly giving up on life. I'm so TIRED. I just want to be HAPPY. And I feel like that happiness revolves around you. And if I can't have that with you.... I fear that I'll actually end my life. Because each day I lose a straw. Each day I get a little less guarded on the idea. Each day it gets just a little easier for me to resign. And yet, the sick joke is I'm still holding out a sliver of hope and waiting for things to get better. And I don't know if they will. I want so badly for them to. I'm scared that if the pattern breaks and things start to become unfamiliar.... I won't know what to do. Whenever you don't talk to me, it kills me. And I don't tell you any of this because I don't want you to feel like shit. I'm willing to feel like shit so you don't have to..... But if I lose you, I don't know what I'll do. I feel crazy. I feel trapped. And I feel like my own family don't understand that I'm not okay. I can't properly explain what's going on in my head. Everybody just continues on their daily, normal lives. While I fall apart. 

I feel like my days are numbered and the variable is how much more suffering I can take before I notice a difference. I'm waiting for it to get better. If I don't see an improvement in a couple days.....",0.17274313683762804,1.8667873937007893,2.7346073632687826,93.79741647158971,83.1994750656168,6.113669575086899,19.74611619493509,7.2228458231874715,0.28214117897424984,1331,36,321,19,37,462,153,381,0.132,0.705,0.163,0.7164,0,1,0,0,0,1,59.0,0,11,3,8,16,28,3,2,13,1,30,8,3,6,0,68,77,30,1,12,10,0,12,7,0,5,5,0,0,0,22,18,0,4,20,1,0,2,16,13,0,1,2,13,58,15,39,69,11,39,0,7,1,0,20,16,2,11,25,209,80,0,0.0,0.0,0.06815521660444168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749460616013118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062173730728957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831472440526168,0.1277241667799323,0.07713443527893818,0.05942996141032743,0.0,0.0,0.12353823937363767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727827701368195,0.0,0.2702518878282139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296948896369695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185882747400963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588444650776306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584033825686376,0.07859109001961093,0.3884534978938457,0.3492634061208175,0.0,0.15301587047507534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595717752863954,0.13399663680579554,0.03969252658779003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869512332220472,0.0,0.0,0.07167751498203312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936835542098657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884253774358296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726925754280556,0.0,0.15353221907835274,0.0,0.0,0.0739520504705208,0.0,0.0,0.1479933232831254,0.2388471591974105,0.13999903608067335,0.0616713126198476,0.0,0.0,0.3906737962379986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046619734933410005,0.0,0.0,0.07607785413015654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402458713708464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842982855648633,0.0,0.0795149959118317,0.0,0.0,0.047326399136464206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530093563544776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992351248222617,0.0,0.05565462277044225,0.06358106674683071,0.0,0.0,0.14338256561383786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917646533263848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049434164005620965,0.0,0.0557755017754586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052512106380729416,0.05613594174167863,0.06104453806919698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279916124466392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04072513274877923,0.08027251526532359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727074511106018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123582955776545,0.11087384313212434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062852664830005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bonbi_,2019/09/23,"DAE get super suicidal when others get mad at them For a pretty long time, whenever anyone would get mad at me or my brain thinks that they are I immediately think they hate me and I should die and I would impulsively cut or try to take pills. I haven’t done this in over a year but I also no longer have many people I talk to so maybe that’s why idk lol",0.08288011695906405,2.2806816447368408,2.1428070175438627,94.74020467836256,87.81578947368422,5.4830409356725145,13.707602339181287,6.937597516519254,-0.6017730994152042,279,4,66,4,9,93,58,76,0.21899999999999997,0.679,0.102,-0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,3,1,3,5,4,0,2,1,7,2,1,0,0,10,14,8,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,12,1,7,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720897862892526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494397167818094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24737265981129586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998002402995135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22676802889792155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473218174217274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877861416835886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961040896532512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466196254701032,0.22262138047925556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153625670368202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22544119106300275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423883306382939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666114270282622,0.17810920196849572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839775151171629,0.0,0.0,0.12921348905705946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044806620178605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999544983878502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31482863802984284,0.0,0.0,0.14269954203872226
bpd,thefrostytoad,2019/09/23,"My boyfriend is ignoring me for seemingly no reason So I'm laying in bed texting my boyfriend, and he's playing COD with his brother. He said he wanted to talk to me, but I've sent 3 texts and he won't answer. But he did share my facebook postb so i know he's getting these texts. Am i justified in being upset, or do i need to chill? Also accepting any DBT skills to help me work through this",2.033390705679864,3.5939309277108467,3.67765920826162,89.81445783132533,77.07228915662652,6.670567986230638,26.314974182444054,7.447530270364453,1.2755865748709123,309,12,67,4,7,103,60,83,0.078,0.754,0.168,0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,14,8,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,10,3,9,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,2,0,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30245924827244874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25719989185768544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760228219205533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253510254020795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785765656464664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28044241774147377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888691037079899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35977008573137353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443136981986077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039957442032444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308163270872988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753457977920476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cat-queenz,2019/09/23,"Anyone else have 0 friends? I feel like once highschool was over and the force social interaction stopped, I stopped talking to people? 

Everyone at any job I've ever had has just been a colleague. 

And I'm always way too nervous to post in needafriend or something because I feel like they won't get it. I also dont like having friends who have other friends. The jealousy is so ridiculous and stupid. 

Anyone else in the same boat?",3.5114634146341466,6.0510295975609765,3.373353658536587,89.13368902439026,76.1951219512195,5.0756097560975615,29.76219512195122,5.985473137389443,1.3291658536585371,345,16,63,2,8,104,62,82,0.159,0.652,0.188,0.5695,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,11,14,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,5,6,6,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,6,38,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655607953021315,0.14208534298187905,0.0,0.0,0.11612211922196868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23879762168844335,0.3499259825984038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409323023853974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001285238179844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852948192851762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446148271047852,0.0,0.16316774405930548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268197588024348,0.2439808292497236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39578442903851385,0.0,0.08921464004322167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694521685711915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502729756840031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185298698642044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838293647982373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354012215642266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740675116385066,0.0,0.13145878334817404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855246933658879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724978574591656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554071369049578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LadyMisha412,2019/09/23,"Finding an Identity One of the hardest things right now is I feel like I have no identity. What's important today won't be tomorrow. 

I have hobbies and work and a non functional relationship. Yet none of it seems to be mine. I do work for the money, but cant find any passion in anything. 

Does anyone else relate?",2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,4.427096774193551,81.727311827957,78.03225806451613,8.004301075268819,28.075268817204304,8.841846274778883,2.5475720430107525,248,11,47,6,6,84,52,62,0.083,0.863,0.054000000000000006,-0.396,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,5,7,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,33,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489762238179096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983281972274656,0.2635209500831017,0.2116449755316788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506819124036145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148487553669282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300426964819405,0.18373617028529696,0.0,0.0,0.4701329339610276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564975759090596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742782044965666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761251824913134,0.0,0.21963835613164406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23413558510257435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708652199998718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378549413959336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744739161344054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SecretBlueClementine,2019/09/23,"I'm so weak and shallow I hate it Every day 80% of the time the only thing I think about is my relationship problems. I get mad at little things like he doesnt call as much.  In the meantime I don't even know the answer to ""what do you want me to do?"". ""Pay more attention to me""? Too vague as a request and it sounds childish af. 

I try to fulfill my life and develop something new for myself by learning new skills, studying, and joining clubs at school. Reality is I can't focus on the goddamn tutorial video for 2 minutes without having my mind drifting to the arguement I had with him 3 days ago, or some other things I 'should' be doing like cleaning my room. I'm responsible for writing the monthly journals of the club, but I got extremely annoyed when they hand me my very first task today. I can't accomplish regular everyday tasks or I accomplish them in such a slow pace, and the result is that I am always rushing to do them minutes before the deadline, which gives me extra anxiety. 

Nothing makes me truly happy, doing hobbies, hanging out with friends, spending time with families. The only times that I feel real joy is when I'm with my FP. I'm always ashamed to say this to anyone, even the therapist because I sound like a 12 year old or that one silly girl in tv shows whos entirely dependent on a boy and does not know how to have a life of her own. 

I'm the exact opposite of what I want to be, an independent woman that knows what she wants and strives to get it with her own hands. I'm weak, vulnerable, dependent, lazy, unsure of everything, always procrastinating. I really really hate my life",6.748129855715875,6.1183999654088055,7.624162042175362,73.71834073251947,65.06918238993711,10.627007029226787,35.372549019607845,10.056822442137396,3.467592082870884,1271,53,240,25,17,429,190,318,0.153,0.752,0.095,-0.9537,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,3,4,9,15,4,1,19,0,20,7,2,6,1,43,42,17,0,5,6,0,3,3,1,1,5,3,2,3,16,13,0,0,8,5,2,3,6,8,0,2,2,6,37,7,37,37,6,30,0,0,0,0,20,10,0,6,20,157,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582831766174994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980156743484426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913298182428666,0.0,0.0,0.083477334545058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277648196878046,0.0,0.10158853153693607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190626063256213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398794243415706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447532727668336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770640373356326,0.0,0.10058769439608282,0.0,0.10729626841675023,0.0,0.11254631705427344,0.0,0.060365052920266726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154950940490624,0.0,0.0,0.09223718102653032,0.0,0.12474831701500752,0.11452574796408516,0.0,0.0,0.09548373874115236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270884152246934,0.0,0.2357375426540463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683395769124587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529771857969129,0.17497762976901346,0.11965594587741615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969095554053854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054563551454307,0.0,0.09529261491702196,0.0,0.08776230740925126,0.0,0.0,0.2306071194007881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455390500741965,0.0,0.12527532524243906,0.0,0.08089891490942212,0.18159657719940672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423609722222128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588718920492818,0.15296321448208378,0.0,0.0,0.1281756815617956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494038828821867,0.0,0.12082481390866558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190902956947583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861612762630068,0.23794388289136245,0.07649760676700107,0.0,0.0,0.20884447849614415,0.0,0.1131637889173854,0.0,0.0,0.08105512862461414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850579673845536,0.2112505326000707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150836610088776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688054773072818
bpd,the-downward-spiral,2019/09/23,"People keep telling me that I am always playing the victim and tell me to stop doing that because ""everyone has their own problems"". I think that not all problems are the same and that mine would need more attention than theirs.. Or are they right? What is your opinion? Has anyone else ever been accused of that? I would really like to know. Btw, my psychologist seems to agree with them for some reason.. I feel like noone understands my pain...",3.8560975609756087,6.481262597560978,3.661158536585369,87.07027439024392,75.46341463414635,6.539024390243903,23.664634146341466,7.645422480735847,1.2063609756097562,351,11,64,5,8,106,64,82,0.073,0.785,0.142,0.7339,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,4,0,1,7,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,1,2,24,17,3,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,14,3,7,14,5,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,5,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997896333076787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283870288306674,0.2093110187029032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245283925447152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065137264692298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478473679729893,0.0,0.19520017619099544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329110177738712,0.14593907984491486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157520070183872,0.0,0.0,0.11226802801496688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960370325647095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514724919540918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173704185225538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162339616873035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909405119023893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086826061541204,0.21003588778393428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744556857951821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597063275980769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078887366256607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571028909112982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308956375261293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266473466435498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29023210002663097,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SecretlyaFish,2019/09/23,"Do any other men have crippling body dysphoria? I guess its a 2 part question. One, do any guys out there struggle with body image issues? I do, everything from my face, my height, body shape, and I struggle sexually as well, even though technically I should be happy, nothing seems to help. I'd like to workout and get in shape again but the things I can't change like my face, height, sexual things, I feel like they'll haunt me until my last days.

My other question was for women. What do you think of men who have body image issues? I'm not talking like something just a pep talk can fix. Last year I went on tinder for the first time and slept with about 5 women in short succession, but I was so terrified of sleeping with each one of them. None of the positives that came out of the experiences that came before were able to be held on too. Its like I was starting from scratch each time. I received praise and very nice compliments but its like i didn't believe it, I knew deep down it was a lie, or that I wasn't enough.

Women having body image issues is pretty mainstream so when a girl does have some big issues, I feel like most men almost expect that and we know its something we have to help with. But for me, confidence is king, and I never share this stuff with someone I actually like because I'm afraid of them no longer being attracted to me, not seeing me as a confident man any longer and getting the ""we should be friends"" talk. I am in therapy for this kind of stuff, but therapy on its own can't fix it all, I need to put it into practice but I just never feel like I can share it without ruining how the other person see's me.",4.178763956390384,5.129769274924469,4.852820176014713,85.90275055825563,70.75226586102718,7.810902403783004,25.871666885590443,8.04050195162591,1.3763016156574284,1294,38,267,17,23,416,171,331,0.081,0.725,0.193,0.9916,0,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,3,1,3,4,13,24,0,3,11,0,30,9,9,1,3,56,51,22,0,4,12,0,4,9,1,3,0,0,0,10,25,22,0,1,9,1,0,5,11,4,1,3,13,6,37,20,39,31,9,35,1,1,2,0,30,17,0,8,22,184,62,1,0.07958914676185629,0.0,0.07766752636712622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969703385356866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237004707859146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851680514627515,0.0,0.06772450187669257,0.08966971381160996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420279998181631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205756220987893,0.0,0.0,0.08419476412978992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132841541556468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696489986730958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223686412498832,0.0,0.052567880813085874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152959317174781,0.07785345749299317,0.0,0.0,0.12072799196724815,0.1705755070480008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769848757750048,0.0,0.0,0.0614903773587954,0.0,0.08316408852435632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767641811793084,0.07880576828206654,0.0,0.08472412668216645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066938548145225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322815652395259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287984884459428,0.043740113624311495,0.1297515544656527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499491321428005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901434385349962,0.12276811299601205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636793284915946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786333125828336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618729003735741,0.0,0.0,0.06949417305595296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097077507155917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000907516550601,0.17831611841039766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268444910552624,0.07245497005269097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964662509180755,0.0,0.06743562577477749,0.122543227102359,0.0,0.0,0.05633360772113213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664077137038412,0.18222106301158625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919122241516499,0.0,0.0,0.1820342511702029,0.0,0.1057509852055466,0.05099751157610352,0.07819593259735394,0.0,0.0928181430316045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566938132827567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715602012111818,0.0737799364177814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672109733310405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051252801081958496
bpd,beepdthrowaway,2019/09/23,"My paranoia has ramped up a LOT and I don’t know what to do. (Trigger warnings for non graphic, nonspecific self harm mention)


Diagnosed six years ago, never had any type of therapy (not through my own choice, believe me. I’ve been on a CBT waiting list for a year, with another year of waiting likely before I see someone). Been coping by myself by improving my self awareness and working very, very, very damn hard to try to examine and control my extreme reactions to things, avoiding triggers, etc etc. Four or so years ago I was put on antipsychotics (chlorpromazine to be specific) for ‘rumination’. It didn’t help very much with the thought spirals, just made things a little... flatter, almost. Like someone was smothering my brain in a big, fluffy blanket, but not in a pleasant way, just a neutral  muffling way. Before I was on them, I was mistrustful. Not paranoid, just mistrustful.

I was taken off them back in january, with no replacement, and since then I’ve been faced with a new problem - rampant paranoia. I am so paranoid I feel like I can’t cope. For example, the other day I got paranoid because a man sitting next to me on the bus was extremely interested in mine and my partner’s conversation, so instead of pressing the button for my stop early like I usually do I waited until the bus was almost right at the stop. When I got to the front of the bus and started getting off, he jumped from his seat and rushed off behind us. That scared me so badly that I made my partner hide with me until he’d disappeared so far down the street that I could no longer see him. When I make a tweet on twitter, and a friend likes it, my brain screams at me; ‘they’re just trying to gather information on you to use it against you’.

Rationally, I know this is wrong. I know it’s irrational and paranoid. I know they, 99% likely, aren’t trying to gather dirt, or blackmail, or anything like that. Most likely, they’re liking it to express agreement or sympathy or some sort of solidarity with the things I’ve tweeted. This isn’t making it any easier. I don’t know what to do. Telling myself that it’s irrational does nothing to help, and it’s getting harder and harder and harder to cope. I haven’t self harmed for two years; I don’t want to relapse but some days it’s really a struggle because I just want that peace  - no matter how much I know it isn’t really peace, it’s temporary and will lead back to the truly hideous cycle I was in before.

When she took me off my meds, my doctor said ‘come back if anything changes’ but I can’t feel like I deserve to take up their time, especially because any mental health related appointments I have end in ‘I can’t really help you. I wish I could, so I’m going to write to the local psychiatrist’ and then nothing happens. She’ll get a letter from the psychologist in return that usually boils down to ‘keep us updated, she’ll get CBT in (roughly x months)’ This, combined with the view that I know medical staff tend to have of bpd patients, makes me feel like I’m only wasting time for our overburdened NHS and attention seeking. It’s probably important to note that for the first time ever, I have a doctor who I actually have a good relationship with, who doesn’t belittle me or put me down (while I know it’s common for borderline patients to feel like doctors mistreat them, it was repeatedly verified to me by outside sources who witnessed the way I was treated that I was, indeed, being treated inappropriately by my previous GP.) and who empathises with me, validates me and makes me feel like I deserve the help I so desperately need.

I don’t really know what I expect anyone to say to this, I just need to vent. Thank you for reading, sorry it’s all over the place.",5.82729031259672,6.412920915041784,6.508432683379759,76.81894119467658,66.86908077994428,9.55770968740328,33.64357783967812,9.558583805096642,3.14094437635407,2939,127,545,57,45,966,319,718,0.113,0.737,0.15,0.9839,1,1,0,0,0,0,92.0,3,4,5,4,22,33,2,3,33,0,46,10,3,12,3,104,97,43,0,10,19,0,8,13,3,3,6,3,0,6,40,27,1,8,18,1,0,10,20,11,0,4,24,14,87,22,89,65,10,86,0,0,3,0,47,33,1,14,52,365,127,8,0.0,0.0,0.056596738250917066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282174121906132,0.0,0.11615130223315745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831991417954756,0.06081494618653195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040552874126200254,0.0,0.09545323334651896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378841581083928,0.04842510020170448,0.10606335942726954,0.0,0.14805361076278356,0.06534279587637795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304523305925009,0.12948773968988805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135317101547773,0.04995930871147387,0.0,0.0,0.06504860434500373,0.0926118235305906,0.0,0.0,0.07480657690518745,0.0,0.0,0.05886576789119305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780872631387471,0.050753594606666085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051368157002189024,0.0,0.12936404572919585,0.0,0.05246163694106365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466252130616165,0.20716546060661264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933224682984744,0.0,0.0,0.044808363998558864,0.0,0.12120422447447254,0.0,0.03296105052155783,0.0486451598150361,0.09277105119303736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128658493904428,0.0,0.05195394998759301,0.0,0.0,0.061648134250210915,0.0,0.0,0.15549675537174726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051550427929390914,0.0,0.0,0.2868628743424875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683474715491654,0.0581282636545989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930700365082258,0.0,0.10975639028631012,0.15485388011701445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442162941312342,0.05842590937264153,0.05844736843881153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526898528297483,0.08600813051102503,0.04473088742359671,0.056013896087075236,0.061680502792358725,0.0,0.0,0.1112994351280616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044109357210856966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059455567649678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253061110410807,0.055495328121918,0.0,0.11660607455001255,0.0,0.0,0.0580127280416979,0.0,0.14861753832072133,0.0,0.0,0.06226710889540672,0.0,0.04952914948019072,0.055168459779988833,0.04612156864767362,0.058065147918308885,0.0,0.092432253151609,0.0,0.18151066299685756,0.0,0.0,0.047975745205082375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828139608106068,0.0,0.0,0.06492293040368352,0.04105059862280156,0.0,0.0,0.09697623341572112,0.0,0.060631091628380936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04360655116223002,0.0,0.05069196335772963,0.05339587604259267,0.06632466197959376,0.0,0.11559195540418715,0.0,0.0,0.0460431660458701,0.10145560941257276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443683789595409,0.11812853559511068,0.0,0.05665467415823056,0.0,0.13952657995663248,0.05009081542252702,0.12775107666723626,0.19141450539149446,0.06841630568993454,0.13810603629304144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669372596309693,0.0,0.0,0.04222253092610263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341065130018349,0.0,0.18674093943396786
bpd,kendalleelizabeth,2019/09/23,"Destructive emotions I genuinely feel like i’m losing my shit most days. My boyfriend is at the receiving end of my outbursts on an almost daily basis.  Even if he does something that would solicit a reaction from anyone, i feel like often times my reactions are just over the top. i instantly feel like i sink into a place of darkness and something overcomes me that i can’t understand. I don’t recognize the person i turn into. Lately it’s been every single day when at some point in the middle of an episode or breakdown, I have an extremely sudden realization of how insane, irrational and disconnected i am. This realization is then accompanied by a rush of thoughts saying “well why can’t you just stop?” “why are you destructing?” I can literally sit there and tell myself that I have the power to stop what I’m doing but then I realize that for some reason i physically cannot stop being angry and upset and emotional. This sends me further into a destructive spiral realizing that i have no control over my mind when it’s in this state...and then at some random time in the following minutes or hours suddenly i’m just fine. I’m back to what feels like my “normal” self until the next triggering thing comes up. Genuinely the most lonely and terrifying thing in the world",7.910475582508781,7.6596621286307105,8.434190871369296,67.61265240983083,62.56846473029046,11.896712416214493,35.13597191190553,11.362043627235082,4.170688860517076,1027,40,175,27,13,343,143,241,0.166,0.757,0.077,-0.9719,1,2,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,4,11,13,4,1,16,0,17,1,1,4,0,43,30,17,0,3,7,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,14,10,0,4,9,0,0,5,5,7,1,0,2,5,25,6,25,26,6,46,0,2,0,0,9,20,1,11,24,128,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637861154837385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824724007101377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704580093006593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087166126850408,0.0,0.0,0.14155247753966774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627868330737568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044506078122053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839329703687296,0.11178241199059613,0.0,0.0,0.08335888386266102,0.0,0.10633528806276912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552572789242035,0.3606507411470984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428899535760447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236759205939808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466344984210208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119394443211708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743362847819373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422314089697124,0.0,0.12365658387820065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019954792358287,0.1318600078785897,0.0,0.11930691057211393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976236159166815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036529416477044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166197956019296,0.0,0.12955021680979015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943214464456474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165454410748201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031094482179812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769335110645606,0.0,0.0,0.10019468201032694,0.14718525239452554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727755220579088,0.0,0.1313864906063116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347572718713494,0.0,0.2277653326088913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965420887478834,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bttrcupcake,2019/09/23,"how to stop myself from spiraling down the malignancy side Lately, I feel so much more angry and vengeful and I know it isn't a good trait to have. I genuinely want to see people suffer more and more as each day passes. The thoughts feel so obsessive and sometimes it feels like I enjoy thinking this way. I hate being this toxic but sometimes it feels like I can't stop myself.",3.077606177606178,5.39654791891892,4.0004247104247135,85.21040540540544,76.56756756756756,6.390733590733591,22.73359073359073,7.447530270364453,1.0413266409266404,302,9,56,4,7,97,50,74,0.193,0.7,0.107,-0.6835,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,17,14,9,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,5,8,4,6,12,5,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,6,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026958471365147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398983853148857,0.3107642598124206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242878227759546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147363403055966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953237838605901,0.0,0.2453496101346994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125191455374132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988761482505326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507871980872649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331943660724047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302263622798712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636796803457009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393652952715251,0.0,0.17267080108054073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828720660394052,0.17264147225830392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CarrieanneTX,2019/09/23,"The Therapeutic Power Puppylove I rescued my best friend and she rescued me!

After chasing unhealthy relationships and trying to put myself out there in the dating world, I would rather be alone with my dog. When I am ready to get out there, again, I will on my terms. I am 40 and I have learned a lot so I am not going to suffer fools.

I was physically abused and neglected by my parents and I can’t have my own biological children so is the first time I have experienced unconditional love. People claimed they loved me but I couldn’t feel it until I adopted my second dog, a smart Jack Russell terrier. 

When I take my medication at night she watches to make sure I am ok. I use sharp scissors to trim my bangs and she rushes over to grab arm fearing self-harm. 

She is the best therapy!",2.3449112903225817,4.778232729032262,3.9468346774193566,84.02025201612906,79.7741935483871,6.455645161290324,25.17137096774193,7.645422480735847,1.4275887096774191,623,24,122,10,16,207,102,155,0.092,0.7090000000000001,0.19899999999999998,0.9494,2,1,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,1,4,8,12,0,1,6,1,15,4,1,2,1,21,23,12,0,3,3,1,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,1,5,31,8,16,18,5,20,0,2,1,2,11,7,0,1,10,91,32,2,0.0,0.2305098903931355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149508609449887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40833636196712464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189227939043739,0.09837030570586316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654840971917252,0.0,0.0,0.15030881704040652,0.0,0.1016443247160496,0.0,0.11056722607555533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539941942090347,0.35117787055184785,0.0,0.12986360947731754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598861771865167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257195894801576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602470792984804,0.0,0.0,0.13487644662989273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557644557053616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887384950934104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295803878754287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336103556240704,0.0,0.14627735841053166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248483526598284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344364661775948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208665272542794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680287013154852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382027101753922,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emiliegrey,2019/09/23,"People from the past coming up again and trauma re-emerging? Lately I've been very anxious because a person from my past tried to talk with me, they are still abusive and tried to manipulate me and accused me of things I've not done. I managed to tell them to leave me alone, they tried to hurt me nevertheless. That happened a couple of weeks ago. We used to be together.
Since then I've been feeling afraid of being intimate in any shape or from, it makes me feel disgusted so I've been actively avoiding to be touched, hugged etc
I feel extremely uncomfortable if people get too close to me or try to comfort me in any way. 
I'm heading to therapy on thursday but until that I wanted to know if you've experienced this and how do you deal with it?",6.7225,6.1300212080536935,7.116703020134227,77.21250419463091,65.10738255033557,10.134563758389262,34.06124161073827,9.516144504307137,2.9721201342281875,596,23,117,10,8,195,96,149,0.126,0.8290000000000001,0.045,-0.8451,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,3,0,5,7,1,2,3,0,9,2,1,4,0,25,20,13,0,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,5,17,2,24,13,1,18,0,1,0,1,9,6,0,4,10,76,23,1,0.0,0.18279983252747453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676235069192455,0.0,0.0,0.15979040174963502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983512377843164,0.0,0.0,0.17429559483457546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940493335720508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290092965393344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071093049890332,0.0,0.0,0.1590587427005901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788482104545049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206605119873847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340299851521307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060637009445834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364317279996512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833861404888178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165162876886259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478976561481409,0.0,0.17403766425376707,0.1633631576165879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298493493437512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945606883371648,0.21392046834776052,0.13471374801675154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762428670537918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321040498154501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400663186962015,0.1348499254690077,0.0,0.1764357727000835,0.0,0.10249860489765827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41899144468192345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325076163931246,0.0,0.12729942813407566,0.0909999644129559,0.12246246720616805,0.12375631740117995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,consonantbreakfast,2019/08/11,"Advice on How to Reconnect With A BPD Friend? So I'll try and keep this short, I have a (very close, she was literally days away from coming over to stay when we initially fell out) facebook friend who I suspect has BPD, she has diagnosed DID, but her behavior clearly fits the pattern. I think I also have a milder case of BPD, in that I generally don't act out  (especially IRL) but my internal thought processes are painfully emotionally intense. 

​

In any case the basic situation was over the course of a year we became really intensely close and pretty much best friends. Despite being 8 time zones apart we synchronised our days so we could call each other on our lunch breaks and play videogames together and we were pretty much always apart but never apart. It was lovely, I never had a lot of friends so I struggled with feeling unwanted, especially when I was younger, eventually this caught up with me and I became paranoid, cruel, hurtful and I lashed out as a coping / defence mechanism. 

I was pretty much compulsively suicidal when I pushed this person away. After that for almost a year I made various heartfelt and, in retrospect, kinda embarrassing attempts to reconnect, usually resulting in getting blocked. Still, unbeknownst to that person they were my inspiration to get my mental health in order, I pretty much cried over them and the way I treated them every day. Now I'm happier than ever. For the first time I don't think I'm going to kill myself before or around 30 anymore. Or at all.

Recently as a kind of hail mary (actually hoping to get blocked so I could get rid of the feeling of unfinished business) I actually sent them a friend request on facebook and they accepted, I shortly messaged them an apology accepting full responsibility. She accepted immediately and said she doesn't hate me, she just doesn't tolerate the sort of behaviour and liked a few of my posts. But ever since she's been extremely frosty barely saying a word when I try to message her, she doesn't seem to want to catch up, when I asked her to add me back on her other social media she just replied ""Ok"" and never did it. I'm not upset about it, just anxious about how tenuous things are, and the chances of losing an extraordinarily wonderful friend again. 

​

She has legitimate, actual reason to be wary of me from her perspective. For now, I'm just backing off and letting things cool down, it's clearly not the time to pour my heart out and say the thank you I wish to, she splits people into good and bad a lot and she can be very stubborn and dismissive when she wants. Things are very delicate right now of course, Still, what's the best way to gently break the tension between us? I want to let her know that I've earnestly and deeply changed and that I truly want to be the friend I should have been. Probably not as intensely, but I do very much want to clear the bad blood between us. I'm just wary that I might overdo it and it will be a misstep. 

​

Based on the pattern of when she's on / offline and when she looks at messages / when she replies (it seems very deliberately spaced out) and what comments / tags she replies to. I presume she's trying to avoid looking at her phone it's the same with myself, but not for the sake of distancing her, it's just hard to resist the temptation and give her space. For now I've taken steps to make it harder for me to keep checking messages all the time, I've filtered her to message requests so I don't see when she's on, but I'm concerned that this will give the impression that I'm deliberately avoiding her or some such, even though she probably is. Which is fine, it's just kind of a funny game of chicken as far as I can tell, which she'll win. Is filtering her a mis-step? And what should I say when I think it's a good time to try and open her up a little bit more? 

​

P.S. sorry if I used the wrong flair, I'm new to reddit and this is actually my first post!",6.0925025064052605,6.5910927094240845,6.488056143477781,77.49894006906541,66.27748691099478,9.69584493706138,32.354795588726745,9.637300506268012,2.925009780550296,3146,123,596,61,47,1019,341,764,0.106,0.6970000000000001,0.19699999999999998,0.9978,0,2,0,0,0,1,98.0,9,1,6,7,44,46,5,6,40,2,49,7,2,7,10,134,98,63,2,13,22,0,3,1,7,6,3,4,0,2,36,49,1,8,17,2,1,9,13,17,0,2,18,11,95,29,96,65,19,105,0,2,3,1,82,47,0,15,42,420,131,0,0.0,0.0,0.20769657691720492,0.0,0.0,0.05199505447765412,0.0,0.0,0.0532809589029444,0.0,0.0,0.042551083450897885,0.04427401040781729,0.2306069874722792,0.2586182178320054,0.03618383013416751,0.0,0.0,0.06011083447866707,0.05276886336245288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473671411005935,0.04974307493338236,0.0,0.09998289773551378,0.08182861431546876,0.08885430379553455,0.0,0.0,0.04527679672300452,0.0,0.11167877219632977,0.0,0.0580902632009784,0.0,0.20104398241907348,0.0,0.05433216622405164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628788865197599,0.04583469703907754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849658448693916,0.0,0.058447403079062765,0.1029458836825017,0.0,0.0,0.054005844092991535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059852773899231326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035143931483862766,0.09626086899058668,0.044830735547656486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380796806282409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051881004845652,0.0,0.0,0.2877630794265339,0.0,0.1111976737053595,0.10208551953001924,0.03023980522769652,0.0892580870330426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766466188347826,0.052532705401136526,0.0,0.05655849989241048,0.0,0.06305272170203059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284837568242725,0.0,0.0,0.05696115477819825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094588908746681,0.05886768868228037,0.11081762034669088,0.029242182346573036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881927075230582,0.0,0.025995147464863488,0.05332922778021286,0.0,0.0,0.08936403520747664,0.0595270723302154,0.0,0.09047249181496816,0.04802304798036765,0.05034748304794314,0.035517308303241735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053621987457745116,0.05644616186429888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557306776630398,0.0,0.12311379357889965,0.051389421177876086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056617948382775736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03688830425305825,0.0929197988821396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191870489234912,0.21653004285474384,0.1147362399338779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03408694004836841,0.05470754086001544,0.05253730209829858,0.0,0.0,0.04544005150548357,0.050613783604007034,0.12694139573518365,0.0,0.0,0.042400549858592436,0.09687864390999867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440148953901339,0.05980895614317727,0.0,0.05423970312637366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059562930766864926,0.0,0.056713534884192576,0.08498528338509664,0.0,0.0,0.05562542372202905,0.0,0.058201825688026225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465068641408952,0.04898754335618533,0.0,0.0,0.1060487503280583,0.10228221253872168,0.052277406945308365,0.04224186885011322,0.1551324881613862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450121589795056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128007346101291,0.045955346632020014,0.05860201078116557,0.21951429297622266,0.156919737517849,0.08446938780140506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118753046764538,0.0,0.05770270819334347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058175504552708125,0.2586182178320054,0.06852948613184393
bpd,NotedHeathen,2019/08/11,"Message from a Non-BPD Lurker I don't have BPD, but I'm a woman with Asperger's who just celebrated her 4-year anniversary with a wonderful man who has BPD. He was diagnosed 1.5 years in, after the tumult in our relationship and in his own life reached a fever pitch and he found the courage to go to therapy (which, tbh, I think everyone can benefit from -- I certainly have). 

Anyway, I've been lurking this subreddit for a while, not just to gain insight into his struggles, but to understand what the journey looks like for others, too. 

In that time, my empathy has grown 100-fold and my relationship with my partner is stronger than ever. Moreover, thanks to him and to people like you, I've become an outspoken critic of all the people who are, because of their own fear and prejudice, very cruel toward those who have BPD. I've seen, firsthand, the shame and pain it causes, and I'm here to say that none of you deserve it.

But, most of all, I wanted to thank all of you for your honesty, vulnerability, and courage. I hope that each of you finds a life that's filled with love and support.",9.570095238095234,7.066558104761912,9.18714285714286,70.75452380952382,60.80952380952381,12.571428571428573,39.52380952380953,10.980518767755715,4.1389523809523805,862,34,164,17,9,279,128,210,0.139,0.626,0.235,0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,5,1,1,6,17,2,3,12,0,11,6,0,1,5,36,26,13,0,2,6,0,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,3,15,15,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,4,3,19,11,31,22,8,15,0,0,2,1,25,6,0,3,7,116,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808455088925569,0.1414691022544662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6453166389032289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158721209167035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001210993190135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158678184882645,0.0,0.1223987379898474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414069293523646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707505174411027,0.0,0.0,0.14044780722193806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279843408822435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722565389618284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809523205280666,0.12515993506474635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756619921861847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560929929245888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630041438821638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760767740217254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750487591299208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186501710700008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339110391739168,0.0,0.0,0.1453588782442004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358623952308401,0.14648597229591626,0.0,0.0,0.08207708186645479,0.0,0.0,0.07469229467136472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334975226863324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056904743157302,0.07555280917201045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891183383938546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497590648168814
bpd,8EMOODY,2019/08/11,"Been crying the last few days. Drinking and smoking too (mostly smoking) I miss everybody I know , just because I connect with the people I meet . Even  though I can't actually connect well with most people . I just feel so much pain lately . In the last few hours I've cried about 6-7 times . I just want to feel okay for once . Every time I i feel okay it disappears and I'm empty",-0.0430701754385936,2.27325960526316,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,97.68421052631581,4.1122807017543845,18.17543859649123,5.985473137389443,-0.0979087719298244,294,9,60,3,12,96,52,76,0.225,0.7070000000000001,0.068,-0.8955,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,14,9,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,9,3,6,8,5,9,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.19761276891656174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344335724845194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448779399206056,0.13059705605176178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837489497336228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337506802321258,0.0,0.17061669317102104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30717333091841936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994237075179146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128981918604963,0.3301323622434613,0.2284311089424707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886229140776655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565805180432734,0.0,0.0,0.21547643618133155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807788188820968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989572152141621,0.0,0.2361611230344571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944094327918987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207364347776345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gatoradepasta,2019/08/11,"ITS NOT ALL BAD I’m gonna get so much hate for this but I don’t care.

BPD sucks. But it’s also kind of a superpower. We can read people like a book. We are never boring. We are charming. Smart. Resilient as hell. We are great in bed. We will experience more pain than a lot of people in this world but also more pleasure. The contrast makes everything so much sharper. I feel like others see pastel and we can see the brighter colours. I’ll take the roller coaster ride over the merry go round any day. 

Much love guys we got this.",-0.5560754332313955,1.5919246513761465,1.0615749235474006,98.23723496432214,100.65137614678899,3.523139653414883,16.147298674821613,5.46131890053228,-0.7510432212028539,413,11,91,3,18,132,78,109,0.114,0.556,0.33,0.9875,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,7,0,0,0,4,15,3,0,7,0,7,2,0,1,2,17,21,9,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,8,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,6,0,0,1,5,9,9,8,18,7,8,1,0,4,1,9,4,2,1,4,54,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29038095134074104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234644827509042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159189363909187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866375401678085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510870734254525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708876804055195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317105983330474,0.17759686036962305,0.0,0.0,0.09180030030155063,0.12970382854826062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948556524850316,0.0,0.10318260662516616,0.0,0.14520712674484734,0.20016641779682956,0.0,0.17976924181139484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792492192177426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890629063459848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739843592468216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543526398905566,0.1638616132408604,0.0,0.12119021347669234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003942240869653,0.0,0.14002738043815946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318866149816527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517365014855745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160539188107014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893536663882242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650771269895515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,petcakoni,2019/08/11,"Any advice on coping at a funeral (and with bereavement in general tbh...) Hi everyone, I'm new to this community, and this is the first time I've posted, so I'm hoping you guys can help!

A couple of weeks ago we suffered a bereavement in our family. She'd been quite unwell in hospital for a while, following a routine knee operation gone wrong.

I've dealt with death before, but never this close to me. It has caused a huge downswing in mood for me, as well as more temper outbursts and depressive episodes. Im not coping at all well. 

The funeral is this Thursday, and I don't know what to do, or how I'm going to manage. I want to go, more than anything, but I can already picture myself having a meltdown, and I don't want anyone to think I'm making it about me..

I need advice! Anything is helpful..

Thank you in advanced ❤️",3.212597881160754,4.640807413173653,5.10622754491018,81.33387839705208,73.67065868263471,8.012713035467527,27.217411331183786,8.617729084823388,2.0600625518194384,646,24,126,12,13,222,106,167,0.114,0.76,0.127,-0.2345,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,2,0,3,5,9,1,0,9,0,12,1,1,3,2,25,28,13,3,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,4,2,1,2,0,14,4,23,25,3,24,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,2,8,83,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307631320448938,0.15002304137089234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676302915779644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509053221303245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183381148891824,0.0,0.27854389948174785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401268777876886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385840863248936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872633283877354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576810022077796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617182206939313,0.0,0.0,0.1595465292526094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395736970268827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236853947021249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757643376151618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268790227397019,0.0,0.0,0.16809573948727502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828106699699571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301111344096416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297051473648514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549098244113951,0.13053005512151236,0.16345521774646465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620872907183921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000996320225102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558155235575391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844359882447636,0.0,0.0,0.09868651582667323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964692558740485,0.0,0.13575592282125634,0.0,0.30433821228173463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850398301093758,0.0,0.0
bpd,dopamini,2019/08/11,"I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and recently lost my job Hey. I’m new on this but I’m really struggling and need some advice. Does anyone else fails at keeping a job for a long period of time? I just lost a job that I really liked mainly because I suddenly felt insecure about my performance, myself and my interaction with my coworkers, also I need constant validation that I wasn’t getting. It’s not the first time that it happens. I get jobs that I like and suddenly I don’t like them anymore and just quit without notice. But now I can’t find a job and I feel like I’m just stuck.",2.8058823529411754,4.540526773109246,4.817386554621852,81.71952521008407,75.38655462184875,8.793613445378151,26.185714285714287,9.3871,2.363251428571429,462,17,93,12,10,159,73,119,0.156,0.728,0.11599999999999999,-0.5789,5,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,6,6,9,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,22,18,9,0,2,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,2,16,4,8,12,2,13,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,15,57,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249193032501482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022299476483767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677839672949784,0.08938550538266295,0.1309825055204767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792729195540439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100424972288502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814468608720326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975027112303575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186964676746873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679009876460216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463743472567159,0.0913256571483817,0.12274206062841965,0.0,0.1168392676151348,0.10873675194575802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357747252943689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304444907803833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6342846975957618,0.11362600438187237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498157366555845,0.0,0.0,0.113130333316035,0.0,0.0,0.2790949469689797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895767039549744,0.0,0.12346425544620995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554148500174807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596871599497332,0.0,0.0,0.16378930048440524,0.0,0.12622206551552995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364134808891234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908373519185944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123228793260201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ArtistofMind,2019/08/11,"Check Those Facts Remember , when someone is triggering you , or you feel attacked , let down, abandoned, unloved , etc ( we feel these often don’t we !)- try to write down facts that prove that this is true. Walk away from the convo /situation and come back to it a few hours later. 
Did you find proof that they intentionally deceived , lied , betrayed, stopped loving you etc?
Usually we can’t, and it’s our god forsaken illness and false beliefs that lead us to this conclusion. 
Once we stop reacting to our triggers, and stop attacking or being aggressive , needy, etc - we gain respect and show people we are really working on things. 
Please believe me , that things can stabilize. I’ve recovered from things I wouldn’t even be able to talk about. You got this. We got this. 🙌🏻
🤗♥️🤗♥️🙌🏻♥️🤗🙌🏻",1.6461380724538586,4.297306402597403,2.9723513328776505,88.18867737525633,85.62337662337663,6.618728639781272,24.33902939166097,7.85451343220497,1.5861740259740251,622,25,124,13,19,201,102,154,0.20600000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.105,-0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,10,5,1,4,5,8,3,0,2,0,11,2,0,5,5,38,17,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,13,0,4,7,1,1,3,3,5,0,0,3,2,18,3,12,10,4,15,1,1,0,1,19,4,0,3,8,74,34,2,0.14199858961839862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32308779054582865,0.1334123492542184,0.10918815036670386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998378435734695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223192115418494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750978891694966,0.09378872922235827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435975069825861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297841383898628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22713848787172514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398400073364561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520317858360354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815927112568945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122386361096946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984439427515576,0.0,0.0,0.15587181002483938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096793259124003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085672106693175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961236423876074,0.0,0.0,0.12031494418082885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561515375907834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413308752429313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28301265990843344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640772131866802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080681948573942,0.0,0.15639138505503244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337666443723424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,guts-in-you,2019/08/11,"sometimes i am the dark side of this disorder people, myself included, disgust me. 

i frequently mute/block/delete people who ignore me or don't prioritise me/recognise my value. i get offended that they haven't acknowledged that to be given my valuable time, is precious, rare, and not to be squandered.

most people are not worthy of me.

*they're not good enough.* 

outwardly, i always say the right things. the *nice* things.

my saintly facade is so good i can even convince myself, sometimes.

everyone says i'm lovely. *sweet*. perfect, even. but they don't know me. underneath. 

*i wish they'd all stay away from me.*

because i don't want to be disappointed anymore. i don't want to be let down, or hurt.

these walls were not thrown up in a day or even two, they were built one stone at a time.

and that hollow, empty feeling inside? it's better than the alternative. 

anything is better than thinking you're not alone, and then realising for the umpteenth time that you are.

there shall be no one else to slip through the cracks. now guards patrol my perimeters.

i've gone through life seeking an equal, or better yet, a *master*. 

someone more mad than me would be such a relief. 

but no. 

the masquerade goes on.",1.6586009878520898,4.427560127753306,2.427529034841811,89.91029902549728,90.89427312775331,5.042264050193567,21.856761447069808,6.714681859716394,0.8050011747430252,947,34,175,13,33,295,142,227,0.15,0.706,0.14400000000000002,0.1613,0,1,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,4,5,8,19,3,0,12,0,24,2,0,0,2,27,35,11,0,4,11,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,10,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,12,6,0,3,4,4,25,13,21,21,5,21,1,2,0,1,9,11,0,5,8,124,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390133593170004,0.0,0.0,0.1156103334393252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779248440232114,0.0,0.0,0.11433689236090823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053997185888275,0.0,0.0,0.08469735726498424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686469989947157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960567632577049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923882424854566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606766923973913,0.0,0.0,0.14356355576477714,0.0,0.27530835357761835,0.0,0.0,0.13276441398775807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025292120744138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259112070681108,0.0,0.0,0.2330748244623521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873958867376005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635853225042251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207694379180266,0.0981383843868817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539999287714693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830050898509254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889733129272392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865515361403775,0.0,0.22098347620521372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772455485092087,0.0,0.27483309545659423,0.0,0.0,0.14809299221121885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846129181027885,0.08902800678164657,0.0,0.0,0.2430534553126003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572550984116388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390241598214678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597756953692259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869994851533732,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mohamedar97,2019/08/11,"A story of joy after depression So i have been on a new med for a while now and this is the first time i feel so stable. My emotions aren't swinging anymore and i genuinely feel happy. And this happened after the worst depression episode i ever had so i wanted to share this with you first because I'm so happy feeling so and i wanted to share it with someone, and second to let you know that there is always hope.
Never give up people",0.8733197139938724,3.33502201123596,2.812645556690501,89.30812053115423,87.31460674157304,4.58467824310521,20.450459652706847,6.1124844417494595,0.3081370786516855,345,11,66,3,11,115,58,89,0.113,0.6559999999999999,0.23199999999999998,0.8799,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,2,8,9,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,2,16,17,11,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,3,9,6,11,14,1,12,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,10,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147253738561734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245426794645504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829649461750555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342852652045064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182901251107376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553737083765594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943660080023281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301327755271577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615896455960865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160563040676302,0.4131585814775868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274425875463835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066496876768214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984383569838618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155556728998288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967017484403602,0.1874232796156341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345359960104782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442546283587153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315729595591532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22892191558430194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zaglix,2019/08/11,"I have gotten worse at handling my gf who has BPD i have been together with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now(next month is 2years) but over time i have gotten worse at handling the outbursts and lately ive taken punches(literaly) Because it just Goes too far and have had to forcibly stop her suicide attempts however twice ive left her when she said she was gonna kill herself (one time was when i was on a wagon celebrating id graduated ¿highschool?). She believes i have cheated on her after i ate dinner with a girl twice (told her About the nights, that act of going out with her was cheating) as i am writing this she pouring water on me and giving a speech on me cheating on her. 

TLDR: What the fuck do i do when my gf (with BPD) thinks i owe her the World",4.844509803921569,5.515778058823532,5.261967320261436,84.58785294117645,69.06535947712419,7.42718954248366,29.679084967320264,7.1686216300943375,1.5944018300653595,605,22,121,5,10,193,96,153,0.21100000000000002,0.741,0.048,-0.9845,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,5,0,7,0,18,4,0,0,0,14,30,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,5,8,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,5,0,3,12,2,28,0,19,17,0,25,0,0,0,1,21,12,1,1,11,87,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894944712981904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535769771761788,0.0,0.0,0.2132063665181212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766771462150459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494743519381162,0.0,0.18153428493826404,0.10754828782681576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093637534511177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346864993025969,0.0,0.20560758609396024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104792604614814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125670640493248,0.17758699649956988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823253225963532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000862525603525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821139949609705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699560245212648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125603709910665,0.0,0.0,0.22069234060793266,0.0,0.0,0.1808249705895865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38569927566833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186303522188308
bpd,dtcardillo99,2019/08/11,"BPD Vibe I remind him of his ex with BPD 

Do you notice signs of BPD when you meet someone? 

I have been told my energy is extremely chaotic! Not sure what that means. 

Any other signs other than coming off as a crackhead?",1.3818181818181827,3.821877181818184,2.860181818181818,90.23027272727276,84.0,5.3381818181818215,17.89090909090909,6.742157984588678,0.1281781818181824,172,4,34,2,5,56,37,44,0.13699999999999998,0.818,0.045,-0.6452,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,6,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025764483696907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8348589741584582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033401393305105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406858401416467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25155985028385075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721528673550425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082483983688162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111329099053704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,boneguydes,2019/08/11,"BPD is considered chronic and it hurts sometimes i have days where i forget i even have bpd and i feel like a normal person, i don't react dramatically or have any weird thoughts... i feel like a normal happt person. [sometimes for weeks straight]  not to the point where i feel misdiagnosed, rather i feel like im recovering very well. 

and then something triggers me out of no where and it feels lile this is a facade that fell apart on me, it feels like everytbing is gone.
the fact that bpd is considered chronic really takes a toll on me and i look up ""does bpd go away?"" ""is it curable"" knowing that the answers are 'treatment: it can be soothed with therapy' it is horribly disheartening 

i have gone to therapy and i have been hospitalized and i would take medicine... i am tryinh but it always feels like im trying to climb out this humongous hole and i keep falling back to the floor and when i look up i realize the hole im in never ends and theres no surface. thats what the term 'chronic' feels like to me. i dont know how to get out of this ....",1.5939316770186345,4.002100442857143,3.086107660455486,89.19903726708077,82.66666666666666,6.3188405797101455,23.416149068322984,7.586124646067393,1.116180124223603,823,30,172,14,23,269,110,210,0.077,0.84,0.083,0.2952,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,10,0,19,3,0,3,2,41,39,15,0,4,4,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,15,14,0,1,13,0,0,6,6,3,1,0,4,10,21,7,19,33,1,31,0,2,2,0,2,17,0,1,14,111,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702813047101628,0.0,0.0,0.06295279697597997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697535665621124,0.07118290303606067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466369681762698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970191004238825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101123363458966,0.0,0.10849483641384196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199217810153,0.0,0.0,0.06114357643836711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37446141843899217,0.3968049079546077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04836555825501623,0.0,0.052611354630884066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910128361130133,0.0,0.2999840934880588,0.0,0.0,0.08228311301525935,0.0,0.0,0.10175137134861256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713588751630141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547596659919027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139798471100954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140371939050948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616623008782209,0.0,0.0,0.08751138292842547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930461779310218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126719831049459,0.1831140773042941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920671162621934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117305278179587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349260108028448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285097288951788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638239881083758,0.0,0.0,0.0742564560552585,0.0,0.08323422144899614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657611848832876,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bazzinga66,2019/08/11,"I Don't know anything anymore. I'm falling apart. I thought I knew what I wanted. I honestly don't know anymore. 
I fight daily with my SO. 
I'm mentally and physically drained.
I'm having daily breakdowns.
DBT is hard.
I change my mind about stuff from minute to minute.
My emotion mind is so powerful.
I want to do uni but I'm questioning my health.
I'm trying. 
I'm struggling.
I'm crying.
I can't. I can.
I won't. I will. 
I dont know what to do.
The rejection  is too much. 
How do I get past this.
I'm losing my mind. 
I'm shit at communicating.
Is this how it will always be?",-2.161129032258064,-0.8071576935483833,1.1895612903225832,95.36834193548387,113.83870967741936,4.242064516129033,17.863225806451613,6.152001189255117,0.030360387096774574,442,16,102,7,25,156,65,124,0.22899999999999998,0.71,0.061,-0.9664,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,2,1,1,0,17,2,1,2,0,16,34,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,1,19,1,7,28,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,58,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008569745756774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339278714569349,0.0,0.0,0.1385426616723212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809834861568632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849311853499596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731200454484102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937786523543632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795907312884807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508139276862807,0.0,0.0,0.17895457925770267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775722012621949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883473253986709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966327294246802,0.0,0.5099747695182894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376104784544875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160714873377692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885972753097506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281503777715554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176002268750818,0.19272736696150305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365587633178105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430268811246445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860148807450276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angerfoxx,2019/08/11,"Mood gets better the later it gets I really hope that someone can relate to this. I'm currently not medicated for my BPD. I never really got anything that helped me.

The biggest issue with my mood is in the morning. This is where I feel worst. I feel everything is hopeless, I'm angry, fierce and tbh. I wish someone would shoot me in thead.

The later it gets the better my mood gets. I'm in a much better mood after 6 PM.

When I go to bed, nothing is really wrong with my mood.

​

I know that cortisol (stress hormone) values in the body are highest around 8 AM in the morning. I always wake up at 07:30-08:00.

Maybe it's related to cortisol? I really don't know.

​

Anyone got an answer to this problem?",1.6152534965034988,4.0791923916083945,3.65646416083916,84.76623470279722,83.12587412587413,6.372202797202798,22.22421328671329,7.645422480735847,1.2718674825174827,564,19,106,10,16,191,83,143,0.107,0.757,0.13699999999999998,0.5421,1,0,0,1,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,3,3,14,0,1,9,0,9,3,2,0,1,15,25,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,2,15,4,16,22,2,17,0,1,0,0,1,10,0,1,6,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688830814655954,0.27837088294733026,0.3121838693322956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898216284523985,0.0,0.10571093966792126,0.11435588344822385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408350521411798,0.0,0.14268916287995448,0.16178980961124734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545080600119274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990561772158474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26845842747736337,0.0,0.07300629849649347,0.0,0.2054810434759244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610346422727932,0.0,0.0,0.12758892661756768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340779837588716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119558489268905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905448793128865,0.0,0.0,0.1294090847255722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443226010030324,0.0,0.09907562009057606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326002440571394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122918063166092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291768979681124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768605142767464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714952877525445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772168934120086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125369849827253,0.14044992084370805,0.3121838693322956,0.0
bpd,Caitlyn-Misery,2019/08/11,"Everything So today has been very hard for me because what I now realize is were my FP weren't at school today. The kicker is the one I call my best friend at school is getting ready to graduate, I'm very afraid of how I'm going to be when he leaves. If today is any clue, Im going to be an emotional/lifeless wreck popping anxiety meds all the time.

I honestly didn't expect to feel so many dots connecting coming to this sub but now a lot of my actions make a lot of sense, like I OBSESS over ANYONE who actually wants to be a part of my life
Theres just a lot I need to learn...

Do any of you have tips for coping with BPD that you've discovered?",5.712096608427544,4.198140949640287,6.925508735868451,80.77784172661872,67.56115107913669,10.5327852004111,29.92908530318602,9.606745405546679,2.322452415210688,508,14,114,9,7,174,93,139,0.062,0.85,0.08800000000000001,0.5352,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,2,8,0,14,1,0,2,1,17,24,6,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,4,2,11,4,18,17,6,14,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,8,72,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.14923071131376864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079856602020328,0.0,0.11698561585100345,0.0,0.0,0.1069272618651752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322039314637756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048317079534946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926010654392309,0.0,0.15615139995427624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172955555679214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743726069693005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732242358105633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814786927589158,0.0,0.07989591446228858,0.0,0.17381924001252624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698889992274138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651829961794719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192329281084447,0.0,0.0,0.10801398143596652,0.07471041467254033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39002879609110414,0.0,0.0,0.1020772371064364,0.15503983949955236,0.0,0.0,0.16986289101486576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133904081011218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036245288169712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560062100709375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095323200490905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917058489770703,0.0,0.4348591443594807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523548501037784,0.09019790078983687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheBigDingle,2019/08/11,"A matter of Trust. I’ve been dating this girl with BPD for a little over a month now and she had recently gone through some trauma. I’ve been with her through it all trying to be understanding and patient. A long the way, there’s been lies she’s told me because either she was scared of losing or hurting me. The lies involved other men she was with when we first started dating. Any advice on how to get through these trust issues? She says that I’m her main priority now and that those guys have all fallen by the wayside, but I can’t help but be paranoid about outside influence.",3.854444444444447,5.423035172413794,4.288390804597704,87.27346743295023,72.27586206896551,6.534865900383142,25.819923371647512,6.937597516519254,1.0309704980842906,464,15,92,4,9,146,81,116,0.132,0.792,0.076,-0.5647,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,7,0,10,0,0,2,2,18,16,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,8,1,11,2,15,6,5,16,0,2,0,0,15,3,0,2,10,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308928973602093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068046204006062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440358515848262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29759001802453205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009820984673532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344805347102693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23395720122299515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583754349729416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529457117767579,0.0,0.0,0.2466179402730549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368175212019021,0.0,0.2091029149142692,0.0,0.2643401057998908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859874190134854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23330084029776474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790163122688236,0.2365603844619188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672422398073291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22577841914310764,0.0,0.16042056665740145,0.0,0.0,0.24597881281124295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875503534292044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scottsth0ts,2019/08/11,"DAE ever beat themselves up over someone else's actions? DAE ever feel stuck playing the part of the 'Crazy Person' no matter what they do? As a crash course into the weird turn my life has taken in the last few months, I'll just start off by saying that my boyfriend of almost two years broke things off with me in the middle of the night, very VERY suddenly (hi intense abandonment issues, so good to see you again?) and I was a fucking mess. Since then I've decided to move across the country, I've been paying extra special attention to myself in regards to keeping my mental illness in check, I've just been focusing on me. I'm getting better and I've really just been trying to move on and make a plan for myself to thrive. 

Cue the part in the story where things go wrong: yesterday I got a text from my ex boyfriend - including screenshots of messages he was sent by my mother wishing him pain and telling him to fuck off - along wth the words from him ""Please don't stalk my Reddit account, thanks."" At first I really COULD NOT piece it together, but thanks to some filling in from my mom - I guess she's been keeping an eye on him online and saw pictures of SOME GIRL and she ""felt like she needed to protect me"" and texted him. 

.... I have no clue what my mother was thinking. I had no idea what the hell she had even done until I got the text from the ex. I had no idea she was looking at his fucking accounts, and I couldn't be more furious with her for putting herself into the middle of a situation that has nothing to do with her. I couldn't be more furious at her for updating me on my ex boyfriends life - whatever he may be doing - when all I really want for right now is to sorta forget he exists??? I literally cannot wrap my head around a single action she's taken in the last few days, and I've given up trying to explain how WRONG it is was, because she just doesn't want to be the bad guy. ( And they say I'm the crazy one 🙄)

But I cannot even begin to explain how hurtful it is that after two-ish months of silence from me, of giving him space and time - I'm still accused of STALKING by my ex, and I'm still meant to feel like I've done something wrong, because of the actions SOMEONE ELSE has taken. I feel like I'm being made out to be the bad guy when I've done nothing but respect what he wanted when he ended things. Of course I understand that since the texts came from my mother, it looks suspicious as hell! I would probably be upset too if his mom came charging into my texts to give me a piece of her mind. Its a weird fucking situation! Like WHO DOES THAT??? 

But I guess it just hurts to know that after all the progress I've made and the steps I've taken to move on and be a better version of myself, I'm still going to be made out to be the bad guy. After having him leave so suddenly, and not even want to say it to my face that he didn't want to be with me anymore, I've STILL done everything I can to give him space and time no matter how badly I wish I could just beg him for answers...And yet, I still feel stuck acting the part of the Crazy BPD ex, and I don't know how to escape. The worst part is that I can't help but feel guilty, even though I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong. I really didn't do anything at all, and yet... Here I am beating myself up like I'm the one who stirred all this shit up. 

Any words of advice would be appreciated. Maybe even a ""what the fuuuuck, tht sucks."" Getting better is so hard, but knowing that your family is going to put you in an icky, toxic situation whether I'm healthy or not is fucking heartbreaking.",5.63939024390244,4.872058054200544,6.21959214092141,83.33264024390246,67.3739837398374,8.951815718157182,29.696612466124662,7.993328176185818,1.7792166937669376,2796,83,598,29,40,914,291,738,0.17300000000000001,0.722,0.105,-0.9959,0,0,1,0,0,0,82.0,0,3,2,8,37,44,11,1,40,0,63,13,4,8,6,112,137,42,0,15,18,10,7,5,0,3,4,3,0,5,27,31,0,4,19,1,4,17,19,30,0,4,37,15,80,14,99,81,20,91,2,5,5,5,64,38,9,9,41,404,107,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053060988955980784,0.0,0.0,0.05437325530889128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03692562360828533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385066145662202,0.0,0.0,0.08936796965721566,0.04833820016276999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135175661417768,0.06620112456975773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407088184796307,0.0,0.0,0.06838850757360303,0.0,0.0,0.12420866665050732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670770329104903,0.0,0.0,0.03501878176694978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751798911135127,0.22226957509903933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072077899457748,0.0,0.04809337238114767,0.0,0.0,0.17932203159210156,0.09823428319702528,0.0,0.0,0.048801023621714325,0.0,0.05118887691200565,0.0,0.13727767130008062,0.07758336076601867,0.05213617874890901,0.0,0.0,0.04618725404311157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509957545004024,0.05673865135526096,0.15626751463475824,0.09257922627472598,0.045543969689729666,0.08685677998973428,0.0,0.11963437122777905,0.1612955696627445,0.0,0.0,0.04864182032690709,0.0,0.055727105736599655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03639591040727321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625779547571513,0.12259538959964852,0.0,0.05667472648481053,0.0,0.096528046614951,0.0,0.0,0.11936666901327135,0.08852292308204314,0.0,0.057495488467228274,0.0,0.0,0.07670689640934845,0.13264032958509606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119605956454284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413892352684028,0.03624543762011846,0.0,0.054551296194138274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054721275184276386,0.0,0.05482716680686925,0.1271901862258701,0.08668292420903123,0.17313580198279002,0.0,0.04026250200388545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095654260548608,0.0,0.10420395614343628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358969544274374,0.0,0.05777865537461582,0.0,0.0,0.235204915364506,0.0,0.0,0.047412359423491965,0.0,0.059604709165691536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585442059936556,0.0,0.0,0.10917229062741417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139142983317921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637160390182639,0.0,0.12954378190056776,0.0,0.0,0.043269790374797806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055737809805140065,0.08983446220633384,0.1831052429849314,0.0,0.0,0.09201583346009656,0.04180252295119546,0.0,0.0,0.03843357132612897,0.0,0.21681885077433244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746028693205583,0.0999836435644198,0.0,0.0,0.10822282285271954,0.034793022813626964,0.05334912984396338,0.0,0.06332512446607992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373179524393181,0.05906242601350342,0.10608573483795627,0.05652785000839922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960579495341872,0.16013670036615468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488383408782802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714582600552804,0.23747257008117864,0.0,0.03496719393152626
bpd,asseatingvolcano,2019/08/11,"DAE not care about anything anymore after taking Lamictal for a while I’ve been taking Lamictal for 3 months now, and I honestly don’t care about anything. Before Lamictal, I would have emotional instability to the point where i would punch a wall. But now, I honestly can’t get to that point anymore. I’m just honestly experiencing, apathy to the max all the time!! I do have MDD as well, but the apathy episodes for my MDD never lasted this long. It started a month or 2 ago.",5.588623188405798,6.428109021739129,6.935652173913045,72.64775362318842,67.47826086956522,10.915942028985507,31.63768115942029,10.864195022040775,3.628950724637682,378,15,70,11,6,129,59,92,0.09300000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.109,-0.193,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,2,10,15,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,6,6,10,12,1,16,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,12,47,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768999589789108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37521655029945017,0.0,0.0,0.3113456768684029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097185340458994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38574791679414333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279358619179695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098834816761319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420082559256712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741169827080266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019913489621752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590148425110352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35765829273203936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338972601134562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844683351524471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103079985776292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008878470516514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687654145818881,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,marge_ncharge,2019/08/11,"Being a mom with BPD My greatest fear is that my daughter will end up like me. I have this constant guilt that I’m a terrible mother. After I had her, I went back to school and now I work full time. I feel guilty that I don’t spend more time with her and that she’ll feel abandoned. When I do get home from work, I’m exhausted and don’t have the energy to play with her. She’s only four, but she knows when I’m sad or having bad days. I do make an extra effort to listen and validate her feelings, even the tantrums. But I’m worried my BPD will negatively affect her. How do I balance BPD, work, and parenting? If you had parents with BPD, what do you wish they did differently?",1.15466800804829,3.145248169014085,2.9079678068410466,92.27943661971834,81.39436619718309,6.02897384305835,20.706237424547282,7.1686216300943375,0.4275054325955727,528,15,118,7,14,175,86,142,0.18,0.723,0.09699999999999999,-0.9054,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,4,6,10,1,2,5,0,17,1,0,3,0,22,30,12,0,2,4,5,3,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,6,9,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,8,0,1,4,4,24,2,10,22,4,13,0,2,0,0,17,2,0,2,11,82,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498355207769997,0.11399729187498753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6878217055574601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475410024296616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880508986673113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264534757215944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092552751501814,0.0,0.0,0.09017712916235368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363480697390774,0.2071018187674787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133156821744491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695125626281618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503361016017376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670192182709582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113519071795473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990290972115134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383762237846972,0.0,0.0,0.3032019984076579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817618805469292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922410307031498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265651716034233,0.0,0.0,0.1570033745552887,0.0,0.0,0.2981875615105609,0.13865338325145835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,veronika369,2019/08/11,Accepting bpd diagnosis At 16 I was diagnosed with bpd... since then I have gone through so many friends and boyfriends because I’ve refused to get help. I’m scared in a way and don’t want to accept I have bpd. I hate it all. I have ruined so many good peoples lives and manipulated everyone around me. The worst part is my memory is terrible and I know this but I still refuse to write things down because I like to forget the days before. Everyday I wake up and follow my mood. I feel I have no control. I’m so terrified of my own brain. I’m starting to not even trust myself. I don’t know why I do things. I am struggling so much and I am hurting the people around me if I deem them unworthy. I am lost.,0.3078231292517017,2.615705258503404,2.4453401360544227,92.07644557823131,88.25170068027211,5.9877551020408175,21.77210884353741,7.3871296695380915,0.857541496598639,551,20,122,10,18,185,92,147,0.293,0.62,0.08800000000000001,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,8,15,1,2,4,0,13,3,2,2,1,25,26,13,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,3,1,24,6,14,23,5,14,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569915509544886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759801732462603,0.0,0.12282516890121373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453844548293549,0.16113440343777952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618928260033696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308922351805536,0.0,0.0,0.14650499599067318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953371181880661,0.0,0.0,0.1379258180477081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298410271799942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111518959543542,0.0,0.07541320302449453,0.0,0.0,0.1210679686849674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250872148059784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674999723272447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452205020691478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865415602305816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051864551101444,0.0,0.12745741725445625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756731655664402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29268207196210305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061086332051398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630928486193096,0.0,0.20013837233583254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451241473131962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194019310495008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216664119229224,0.0,0.11527241922338152,0.0,0.0,0.1508985298950809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917900059714008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513717691857485,0.11457266828262964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302470080444817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Whyulookin22,2019/08/11,"Splitting on my fiance because of a crush I'm developing on a guy at work So throwaway account because my fiance follows my main reddit and I dont want to hurt feelings. I'm not really sure how to handle this situation. I've kinda developed a crush on a guy I work with (and even though google says this is normal and fine I feel so incredibly guilty I cant even put it into words) and he's becoming my fp. Meanwhile I think I'm hardcore splitting on my fiance to the point of almost breaking up with him on a whim. I love my fiance very very much, and realistically I would never act on these feelings I have towards the other guy, but that doesnt make the thoughts and feelings just stop. Have any of yall ever been in a similar situation where your SO isnt your FP and it caused you to split? Is there a way to reduce splitting in general? How do I not feel like garbage for being so attached to this other dude?",3.9893862520458256,4.8595001808510645,5.553191489361705,81.00653846153848,71.12765957446808,7.9122749590834704,28.82324058919804,8.139509932561175,1.8954692307692305,726,27,146,10,13,247,107,188,0.079,0.887,0.034,-0.6811,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,2,13,5,0,0,10,0,12,1,0,4,3,36,26,15,0,3,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,9,10,0,1,7,0,1,3,7,1,0,0,2,6,20,4,24,22,2,22,0,1,0,1,11,14,0,2,4,101,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521688222206178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861877689754042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176806057592114,0.1601635275855157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897579568884264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699627114409918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156908074453888,0.13117916383846145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36663310503763197,0.10360253123292716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43077869091323207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524723043603367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084959327827713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088648264031316,0.0,0.09680217629175376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660660668423974,0.0,0.11184859550935693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208910318776347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709105811941208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578545628627698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290371758006877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532596317794876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260177864249462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212434643048696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667991642147367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292315251998108,0.14248170835439142,0.11512991920473267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23931387036223706,0.0855367302339863,0.11511036393010975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111530110374564,0.0,0.0,0.10301826022118367,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BootyBagels,2019/08/11,"Depression slept my entire day away I just got served my divorce papers yesterday before I left work. I spent the last 20 mins of work balling my eyes out. I was expecting it to come... it just hit hard seeing it happen.. today is also my bff (not fp) birthday... my fp does rotational type work and I hid out at his place all yesterday evening and even now as I type this out.. I haven’t left... I don’t know why it hit so hard.. I know I’m a shit person to not be there for my friends birthday... I don’t know what I’m doing in life, found out last weekend my soon to be ex husband made the lil home wrecker pregnant. My son is out of state and I’m struggling just to pay my bills. Now I’ve wasted all of my Saturday sleeping and dreaming of being lost in a forest with monsters, creatures and creepy strangers... I was late taking my meds because of the amount of sleep I had.. I’m having pretty bad brain zaps right now and even my (unhealthy, I know) beer to cap those lows aren’t even working... 

I’m a bit all over the place, I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense.. I’m having a hard time and I just want to know I’ll be ok to survive the last few months of this year.. I’ve been through a lot and I don’t feel like being around anymore... which cycles us right back to my bff that is always there for me, I’m not even there for her birthday today... fuck me  

I don’t have anyone to talk to and I guess I’m just feeling awfully lonely and worthless today on top of every other feeling I’ve felt in the few short hours I’ve been cognitively aware of reality today..",0.8399999999999999,2.7999216666666698,2.613030303030304,94.13954545454546,82.33333333333334,5.090909090909091,20.60606060606061,6.1124844417494595,0.0050606060606059895,1210,35,272,9,33,400,169,330,0.115,0.8079999999999999,0.077,-0.8849,1,2,1,0,1,0,51.0,1,0,0,7,21,12,2,1,11,2,23,9,6,2,3,47,58,14,0,3,10,3,7,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,11,18,1,0,10,4,3,1,10,9,0,0,12,9,35,3,38,39,8,47,0,5,2,1,10,22,2,3,24,159,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549461462762225,0.07855145116609183,0.0,0.0,0.06419776161240566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362311557784724,0.06600927064317583,0.0,0.0,0.08403931870566872,0.0,0.0,0.08869539529593698,0.07259062757341249,0.07882315653360886,0.057547626800930674,0.0,0.08033060601431734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103064403495993,0.0,0.0,0.10538576412073157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132043907958263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088258461604065,0.0,0.08130977908195904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261332481835018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117638081925026,0.0,0.079539199220361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432000603751698,0.0674420309374081,0.09064236829715257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035087978732202,0.07293607395259476,0.08727471082994644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550327267798651,0.0,0.10399633227870138,0.0,0.08348089102316864,0.0,0.2537015503542843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469462065569373,0.0,0.0929686404461656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594090570775591,0.2308548762861999,0.10649149942257337,0.0,0.20513981929388628,0.0,0.06668013385439364,0.0461208853192355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305280375576112,0.08025866029772744,0.0,0.08932707517451019,0.06301521102412969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486124258349053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535214250232702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242968026863802,0.19726357311718548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604251416703044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124050900017214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522753622166993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690405406897737,0.0,0.0,0.1889437790851269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567722698589303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869125735044396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097984297057369,0.07587812800615132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504756382282385,0.0,0.3579347237361997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355604228707025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055681755436606487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518466680212712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749081076194601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060792895580704324
bpd,elissabellart,2019/08/11,"I’m sick of dating 🙄 CW: SUICIDE MENTIONED
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The past few years have been pretty rough for me personally, I’ve had multiple attempts on my life, have been in and out of rehab, lost the best job I ever had etc etc. It wasn’t until recently let’s say the past 6 months that I felt like I was strong enough to try and find someone to hopefully fall in love with. Well after 8 dates I can officially say that was the stupidest idea of my life.  Every date I’d leave feeling on top of the world like I may have found that someone and then BAM I’ll wake up in the morning to the “it’s not going to work, it’s not you it’s me” text. I 100% understand that I can’t control the way other people feel but after the 8th date and “it’s not going to work” text I’m at a point where my BPD’s idea of me being “unlovable” is really being confirmed. I do everything in my control to make each date as perfect as I can and not a single one has gotten past the first date. Even a second date would give me a slight glimmer of hope. So all in all everything my BPD makes me feel and believe about myself is starting to feel like fact again. I just think I have to accept I’m better off dying alone 😩",1.765238095238093,3.1997120317460315,3.605873015873016,90.58357142857143,77.49206349206351,6.387301587301588,21.523809523809533,7.07126945348624,0.4613999999999998,920,24,206,10,21,310,142,252,0.07,0.778,0.152,0.9561,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,12,8,14,0,0,14,0,23,6,1,4,5,40,45,12,2,3,6,0,6,3,0,2,4,2,0,1,10,9,0,2,12,0,0,3,6,2,1,3,11,8,23,12,33,29,9,40,0,1,0,1,7,15,0,3,24,134,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172921282704523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154171549559477,0.1132114464316255,0.09540944319488806,0.0,0.0,0.27173746748128624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419890014392265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196047167786666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114669504101293,0.2406252721589021,0.07125249030473854,0.097581948644916,0.09089198092223796,0.0,0.1939078222344138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818570437826584,0.07706816072333167,0.1035799265112826,0.0,0.09859866040415492,0.0917610859549914,0.0,0.1182828061357721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348653641535337,0.12261925958926916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429465725326666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435625653830523,0.0,0.0,0.1070524024573662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142273678868423,0.0,0.11031270132380716,0.15239503323122122,0.1581114219017524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776172710768285,0.0,0.09736422808006924,0.0,0.14401898471086969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610729760802059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310101573282803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089456576616236,0.0747891152233827,0.09419502584689483,0.0,0.0,0.1019797062402328,0.0,0.0,0.10975084550711524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691094952319097,0.0,0.10651664313979853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157804466743373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828095862869632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635669872736657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800116963175805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912395255312556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324217190611812,0.0,0.0,0.1123049423685145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562864172055472,0.0,0.0,0.09699539840943333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707313323516697,0.0,0.0,0.07663353145604289,0.0,0.0,0.06946998158757554
bpd,Is_This-Real,2019/08/11,"In over my head I've never been diagnosed anything, but that's probably only because I've never been to mental health people before. I've done a lot of research and introspection and I seem to fit many of the criteria for Quiet BPD and Social Anxiety. 

I cannot trust people and I have a lot of problems maintaining relationships even with the most amazing people. Relationships are too intense for me, so I tend to stay away. On the otherside of the coin I crave a deep connection with someone. Break ups feel like someone really close to me just died.  

I love deeply and process things too deeply.

I cant keep a job too because my interpersonal skills are woefully inadequate due to my intense struggle to regulate my emotions. Just processing ordinary social interaction is too much for me.

This is sorta okay for me to deal with, with my limited understanding and skills of things like DBT and mindfulness etc, but I'm also being unfairly and cruelly treated by people who don't understand me or see who I truly am. 

The anxiety is out of this world.

I can't stop thinking about suicide. I think about it all the time. I want to write a long long letter to leave behind for those whom I love and who love me, but, damn, the pain and suffering caused by one who takes their own life causes me to hesitate. 

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Reaching out for human connection while I'm feeling desperately alone? I push my family away and try avoid them as much as possible.

 I don't know how to hold on anymore. 

I truly love the wonders of life. I especially love people. But I can't be satisfied with superficial connections, especially when I can't bring myself to connect with people in the first place. It's too much for me. Stepping outside even takes a lot out of me. Even just being looked at in a supermarket. Especially looking someone in the eyes and hearing words directed at me... the beginnings of a connection I deeply crave, yet am loathe and deeply scared to allow.

People scare me. I love them. But a lot of them scare me. I also don't feel real. Like even now while writing this, I don't feel real. Life is like a dream. 

I'm just gonna post this now",4.26985676239833,5.999961883610452,5.47381559058519,78.54069243503926,71.49406175771972,8.998517238897287,28.672065068739656,9.496760409515344,2.697805384006335,1727,67,323,41,33,574,200,421,0.18,0.6579999999999999,0.162,-0.8115,1,2,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,4,4,25,23,1,5,21,1,25,14,2,4,3,71,59,28,2,2,10,0,4,4,0,1,6,2,0,1,16,23,0,5,12,1,1,3,12,9,0,2,3,10,46,14,58,52,11,42,0,1,4,6,26,20,1,9,19,224,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352116843706033,0.0,0.11353662599242365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860978787098728,0.0,0.07040007231004711,0.0,0.0,0.0584162882673042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338932813467802,0.0,0.0,0.08654608561255232,0.0,0.06040474552906225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940569619996397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584649579856648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318452476138065,0.0,0.07205035483134963,0.07367334368732475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726443916194998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985086928101158,0.0,0.0,0.0791693180188853,0.23443136350400565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692026687505344,0.0,0.1435727283515791,0.050713158021130855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060381542890736814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285318633730213,0.07545590767844057,0.08000755714390764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044368713886459,0.06309654587171737,0.0,0.0,0.07802524521182454,0.0,0.0,0.07516502928854192,0.0,0.0,0.15042074436487812,0.13872273493303153,0.0,0.0,0.1256425992340303,0.11922247590044573,0.0,0.0,0.24140258326564185,0.384411469371046,0.0,0.0,0.07196972019639053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153824346195319,0.0,0.07167667774829098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655093441837076,0.0,0.10949916823470077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810265779758988,0.0539888453387605,0.07553521918438852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444943447579924,0.0,0.07416635157821057,0.0,0.0,0.08002722548518801,0.13597192997856164,0.0,0.07653603918324432,0.06792501356742821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159759296449386,0.045476117758126176,0.0,0.0,0.1524270370015015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321124283549206,0.0,0.05656748290232477,0.06462393826561079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472470236640314,0.1804412746483579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756627431859079,0.0,0.0593483469095784,0.0,0.07421107074847981,0.0,0.0776483038656708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674684444845682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432127477909223,0.09097126221699364,0.0,0.0,0.04139311589557594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048195542787377255,0.0,0.0,0.14780003143799586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041869997434853486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405476538099754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698242051177848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,french_toast_north,2019/08/11,"Cycling so rapidly messed up my whole life in a day I don’t even know why I’m posting. Just needed to tell someone.
I suddenly decided I hated my job (before I just kind of disliked it) and quit with no fallback plan a couple of days ago. I have major regret, but burned bridges like I always do so I can’t go back. Feel so alone and stressed and don’t know what to do. I have to stop acting on my impulses, but don’t know how.",1.2657608695652165,2.7810703586956578,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,79.1086956521739,5.9043478260869575,23.45652173913044,6.6274283507984215,0.5637782608695647,331,11,75,3,8,112,62,92,0.21600000000000005,0.748,0.036000000000000004,-0.9247,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,1,1,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,17,16,9,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,1,11,2,9,16,2,12,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872075337151761,0.0,0.0,0.21872954706878014,0.0,0.0,0.1757273183457895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239236998361314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970746264305412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336781439865203,0.0,0.2724006538317333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394892574424868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678420416649716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002436262299455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085067822083074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095738698022627,0.0,0.0,0.21992228702131986,0.3481941373059727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917001449654912,0.10317695442374576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565949944196926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226201031978489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462697027945586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894092778705922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765646182558407,0.24191787236511106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458970499560806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905664738091964,0.2357865226973929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MessyButTrying,2019/08/11,"How to cope with loneliness Pretty much the title I guess, I'm very lucky to have some understanding friends I can talk to when I'm in a crisis but on a day to day basis I just feel so alone. I've had 1 long term relationship that ended on good terms and we're still friends, we hang out every week but it doesn't fulfill this fucking weird specific vacuum I have. I'm not sure this to totally makes sense sorry",7.283720930232557,5.248521674418607,7.750813953488373,77.78691860465118,64.81395348837209,11.390697674418604,31.965116279069772,10.125756701596842,2.727474418604652,328,9,71,6,4,109,65,86,0.191,0.6559999999999999,0.153,-0.3746,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,2,17,13,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,5,10,12,5,14,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,3,9,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349272072306332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29257284034133885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090382716319824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911138429908694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469193438823512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35049619614924177,0.20970044388324946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025402798449045,0.0,0.0,0.24987853679133146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073718613787464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141061594468694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674596171458952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307673971184205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435302571385176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539173283595545,0.0,0.0,0.18114652712008575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137843499537786,0.0,0.0,0.18231715662654716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361377638064404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715829490467756,0.0,0.0,0.18194913903377447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kpoix,2019/08/11,"I’m a 15 year old girl struggling heavily with BPD, it mostly affects any chance of relationships I want to experience I’m fine with not having something last for a while but my mood swings are so extreme that anyone who I date can’t handle it for more than a week or two. I honestly want to just be able to have normal romantic interactions and relationships at the moment and I’m scared for my future with them.",5.8971951219512215,6.273025060975613,6.779170731707321,75.66948780487809,66.6829268292683,9.974634146341463,29.81463414634146,9.888512548439397,2.706592195121952,333,11,64,7,5,111,62,82,0.069,0.773,0.158,0.6486,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,10,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,6,2,12,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,8,42,10,0,0.2362110305991236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063160082878522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651642447749284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29749952408046737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310597132690767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254351660457045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23143665763660604,0.0,0.0,0.24786374164154376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072044947060181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648844897718202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818467915820358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469390560954385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074385409019024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786467717282721,0.0,0.1894742407168929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211215922298865
bpd,iShagTeaAndScones,2019/07/02,"Is it still possible to have BPD that don’t include the external stereotypical BPD symptoms? Might seem a silly question, but I’m just curious to know(I don’t want a diagnosis so I won’t be describing symptoms in depth). I face a lot of troubles a classic BPD sufferer would face in terms of the emotions, but I’m very considerate about people and I get paranoid that if I argue with them they might start hating me for example. 


I don’t show the emotions normally, but I do frequently have to seek reassurance again for example. I get really angry with people, but I’m normally able to control it and discuss the issue in a civil manner. I go above and beyond to help people, because I get paranoid they might see me as a bad person as I have my moments.

**Again, I don’t want a diagnosis, I will be seeing a psychiatrist over this very soon. I have discussed some of the symptoms vaguely to help explain what I mean in the hope I can get a logical answer to my question**",3.5513678010471215,5.455576319371733,5.499132853403144,76.89854221204192,73.76439790575915,8.544633507853401,30.785667539267017,9.188382445141503,2.99225890052356,771,36,140,18,16,266,101,191,0.153,0.7190000000000001,0.129,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,1,8,8,2,0,15,0,19,5,2,1,0,31,37,11,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,8,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,2,22,3,23,29,3,16,0,1,2,0,13,7,0,10,8,101,28,0,0.1124938467603136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392766317374356,0.06857520485495121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42504618588246185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617141468763685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25308087269504936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350935676798528,0.0,0.06393284553560212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106438400277978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080450842983892,0.0,0.0,0.11173177253858474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174143491988246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182367621121662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956382456975896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225387778232178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35801458247249857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044017023977305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339672071420331,0.09822528790116096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268199097111839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25203770759566513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206643880423141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928606248106305,0.10241017311718227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962372373960168,0.0,0.08983773133701227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507725397257801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856384097719242,0.13270357086860207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799124011323856,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,glassesonaturtle,2019/07/02,"i wish i could see my therapist everyday literally helps so much but i know she doesn't care about me and has a bunch  of other clients to see and ""care"" about. okay, that was passive aggresive. i know a therapist is an objective role but man i appreciate her so much even though i only see her one hour a week. literally the only person who i can be myself around and she doesn't make me crazy even though she's paid to do so. maybe i'm just lonely but fuck man.",3.2368303571428565,4.2749767604166715,4.7544047619047625,85.40250000000003,73.0625,8.81904761904762,24.130952380952376,9.23628265651192,1.6225077380952375,363,10,81,8,7,122,62,96,0.11599999999999999,0.7390000000000001,0.145,-0.0356,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,0,5,1,9,1,0,1,0,13,21,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,3,16,3,6,17,3,4,0,1,3,1,11,1,1,0,3,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068642192946954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451646298991305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514853178908212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360282528308886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564876310569932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134582895860818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669711268774362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860530200822688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298921531733053,0.0,0.17005473119457448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488662403744251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470191132278805,0.2574753260630227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780026506370786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046594536367311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39307164494609137,0.0,0.0,0.33261434898973097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577839518597806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465244932745915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ajremny,2019/07/02,"Mood swings are so annoying I was feeling great the past couple days, and someone close to me snapped at me and now I just want to crawl in a hole. Anyone has any ideas to what I can do to feel happy again?",3.030606060606061,3.5631578181818213,3.807272727272729,93.88924242424244,73.0909090909091,6.775757575757575,23.75757575757576,6.42735559955562,0.3720393939393945,160,4,38,1,3,51,37,44,0.071,0.7090000000000001,0.22,0.7486,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,8,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,6,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240254360806953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303469041566785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36451085938443867,0.0,0.21245674655567232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331419992077527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632005580594147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35068708363448475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718892591753216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31448065256530683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27912713724083793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194307857939612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daneeb09,2019/07/02,"Dae get tired of faking I was diagnosed with BPD and major depressive disorder and I've been dealing with it for about a year now... I'm not going to bore with the trials I've  gone through like hospitalizations, suicide attempts, self harm...

I just want to know when will the faking ever stop?! I feel like everything I do or everywhere I go I have to fake interest in it. I work in customer service and faking to actually like people is wearing me out. I'm sleeping all the time, my anxiety is causing me to feel sick all the time... I feel like sometimes I just can't deal. I'm so tired of faking everything about me. I just want to feel normal again!",2.120153846153848,4.398035015384618,3.922307692307694,84.75269230769231,79.61538461538461,7.0769230769230775,25.384615384615394,8.139509932561175,1.7403076923076926,512,20,101,10,13,172,78,130,0.243,0.638,0.11900000000000001,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,10,13,0,0,5,0,8,6,2,1,3,25,22,6,1,3,5,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,3,4,14,5,18,18,3,14,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,12,62,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.14922061142482307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169776983002666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925880302579696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708333215733336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315292292733482,0.13170337336588828,0.15520304081433905,0.0,0.0,0.17525105412789374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831817490941284,0.0,0.0,0.2748559179702377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092687616922143,0.21848154259895305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989050713120928,0.0,0.1738074759794712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403675003062283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988214331780097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982185319955754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060103232661468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952116058017546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302300266322916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123444271612702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784175635541847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167261533995726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832909971953295,0.3515010121094503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038359244694124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132217289208264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847068230979203
bpd,thetopher95,2019/07/02,"idk just how I feel idk if I have BPD for sure or not, just kinda felt like that's what I have for a few years now.
but basically whenever I start to have feelings for somebody, it takes over my life. That person is all I care about, all I think about. All I want to do is make them happy, if I even think there's a possibility I've upset them, I hate myself. But at the same time, if they upset me, I instantly hate them. Like I'm enraged at them. but as soon as I forget about it, I'm obsessed with them again.


back in 2015, A guy I really liked broke up with me after we'd only even been together a month, and I developed extreme anxiety afterward. would have panic attacks multiple times a day, and just generally began to feel like life had no purpose, like I had no purpose or desires or ambition outside of being with this boy.

but I met somebody else a few months later, Andrew. we really liked each other and he was really supportive when is have panic attacks and when I was just generally freaking out. but I still had issues with swinging back and forth and sometimes hating him or hating myself. I've tried to break up with him at least 5 times. but we always end up back together because I freak out about losing him.

I've been very lucky, we've been together almost 4 years now. but I still have these feelings, like I need to break up with him. like he's not the one I'm supposed to be with. like sometimes I feel like he's an awful terrible person that takes advantage of me and I need to get out. like I feel trapped. but then next thing you know I'm terrified I'll lose him.. i don't even know what I'm trying to say.. just that it's really painful being in my head and honestly not knowing if I'm in love with him or if i hate him. I just don't even know who I am without him.",3.152129134482074,4.104796379679152,4.735751633986934,85.78125272331155,73.1711229946524,8.000633788869083,25.081798375916023,8.401726058763845,1.4383023569023567,1402,42,303,23,27,473,168,374,0.24100000000000002,0.612,0.147,-0.993,0,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,1,6,3,27,39,8,5,9,1,26,5,1,2,4,81,63,32,0,10,28,0,7,11,0,1,3,1,0,4,14,22,0,0,13,0,0,0,8,20,0,1,11,8,52,19,43,47,8,43,0,3,0,1,29,14,0,13,38,207,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970611268111241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623208994489803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060892415304037585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110891759814315,0.0,0.1836183381679232,0.0,0.04852233202331936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025116318285528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115568340141499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051334262582129364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649409339188171,0.0,0.07050039098173358,0.0,0.0,0.21029547670211024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414834898168554,0.1705949384563832,0.07642676743401876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04158678115376019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881474557952782,0.0,0.08473377817981635,0.0,0.3929337818200641,0.08169073093012592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307985441936283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749803854246162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244514410418542,0.4277643299265484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810008049486056,0.0,0.0,0.07184049522431032,0.0,0.05313242546750697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706906888842398,0.0,0.0,0.11804213315219456,0.0,0.0,0.08465360286579661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393780934952523,0.06053802804694446,0.08469811104172048,0.186782705827069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900417921338948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973502564358947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039706146729603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329969405391146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744933654800936,0.0,0.056340025062966426,0.0,0.12713447192397376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032710917048828,0.07502037402838499,0.0,0.11969590056233385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052881516007352115,0.10200664209435263,0.0,0.0,0.13924307486000756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080839237324923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567686217115222,0.04694908852249306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672983715161391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056544286943480175,0.0,0.0,0.1025172792695672
bpd,e_09,2019/07/02,"My boyfriend just broke up with me - venting I have been in a low for a long time. My boyfriend and I have been having issues for the past 8 months and he blames me and my issues.

 I am manic and then in a deep depression off and on since a major hurricane in our city. Mental health services are limited right now, like therapists. I am mad at myself for being this way, I am mad at him for not sticking by me during my low point. 

I am having a hard time being alone. I have no real friends he has been my FP for 3 years. I am not ready to tell family. I'd love someone to talk to or advice.",1.8409523809523842,3.0371289682539664,3.6525714285714312,91.31742857142858,76.77777777777777,6.627301587301588,21.33015873015873,7.1686216300943375,0.4328311111111112,454,11,104,5,10,153,78,126,0.21899999999999997,0.708,0.073,-0.9394,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,2,9,2,0,6,0,17,2,0,0,0,12,18,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,19,3,18,13,1,22,0,4,0,1,8,13,0,1,9,73,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770899599859648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954699053093492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426165101956506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073337417371372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563152773180309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124286127337533,0.0,0.0,0.2150613042192491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223480750086536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884544900943243,0.0,0.0,0.17905066739053652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260560925215294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038953398592234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149335182772054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314146874255084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126189111301847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028938469429625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278387438048895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736477851574402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142875026756546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626206344663364,0.1768403843156117,0.0,0.0,0.23491414405243374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23595389053267224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059563762943252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029023659595845
bpd,HypercubeCake,2019/07/02,"How do you release your emotional energy before it gets overwhelming? I tend to build up negative emotions and dwell on things until some tiny thing sets me off and I explode/have a huge emotional reaction. I feel better afterwards since all that built up energy has been released, but what are some ways I could release that before it gets so explosive? What works well for you?

My therapist asked me to come up with a list of ideas and I'm pretty stuck. I used to take walks and mumble to myself, but I now live in a very busy neighborhood/city and it's more stressful than not.

Thanks in advance!",3.374490118577075,5.808836852173918,3.981185770750991,85.1401581027668,76.13043478260869,8.007905138339922,24.367588932806324,8.841846274778883,1.9692608695652167,478,16,90,11,11,151,84,115,0.107,0.741,0.153,-0.2916,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,3,4,6,0,3,3,0,5,0,0,2,1,18,16,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,1,0,2,1,13,3,16,13,4,16,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,2,3,63,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661089292496251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023890354017493,0.0,0.0,0.15714552118543473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305753530191818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141864827746835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5996058867492209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984149021731959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566329623755026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058164578216509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689669227881048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807667379687824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698060290966938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353443033200852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335949478895626,0.0,0.0,0.16358595411247176,0.0,0.2063028005715528,0.2360883987549499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534604250453632,0.0,0.14660647420812534,0.0,0.1410359088260396,0.0,0.0,0.15975769195617695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935480262708451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpd_throwaway_7273,2019/07/02,"Can't Quiet my Brain I have been lurking in this sub for a bit, not really knowing anything at all about BPD but definitely identifying with several posts, some of which hit me pretty hard. I apologize in advance for the big wall of text that is about to happen, but I feel like this might be a great place to get it out. 

So I have this friend at work, let’s call her Angela. We have been friends for a few years, having lunch maybe once or twice a month and just having a normal work relationship. Over the years, the friendship has grown stronger. At first, we would have lunch together a few times a month, then it became a couple times a week and now it’s just expected that, unless either one of us have a meeting or something, we are having lunch together. There are a bunch of other things that have brought us closer like “deeper” conversation, occasional little gifts and thoughtful gestures. At some point, she started referring to me as her work husband and I went along with it and called her my work wife. This made me feel really happy and kinda special. Somewhere over the last year or so, I developed this strong NEED for her attention, like my mental health depends on it. Each time she does or says something nice, I get this incredible high and if I don’t get that feeling for a while, I get really low and depressed. I rely on her for my happiness. After a lunch or other interaction, I over-analyze every bit of the conversation and interpret something she does or says as some kind of negative response towards me. I’m always thinking that she’s getting sick of me and doesn’t want to be friends anymore even though there is no evidence of this. Other times I feel like she’s just friends with me either because she’s using me for something, or she just feels sorry for me. I also get really down when I see her hanging around with other people at work, which I know is ridiculous. It gets to the point where these thoughts get so stuck in my brain that I can’t stand it anymore and I end up in a really dark place mentally. 

I guess I should mention that I’m married, let’s call my wife Gwen, and have been for nearly 17 years. I never had this feeling with Gwen at any point in our relationship. I have only ever had this obsession/infatuation with one other person and that was about 16 years ago. In that situation, I was single and my work colleague, let’s call her Tammy, was married. What brought an end to it was that I met Gwen, who was also a co-worker at the time. The relationship with Tammy was exactly the same as with Angela in that I depended on her for my happiness and if I didn’t get regular positive reaffirmation of the relationship, I would get deeply depressed. Back then, I ended up going to a psychiatrist and therapist. I tried Paxil and Prozac but eventually stuck with Zoloft and stayed on it for a couple years. Looking back, I’m not really sure that it helped much. When I met Gwen, she sort of lifted me out of the depression that I was in and I focused everything on her. Also, shortly after I met her, I transferred to another spot in the company, so I didn’t see Tammy anymore. 

Since I was getting so down and felt myself going down further, I started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist again last year. The first meds the psychiatrist tried not only didn’t help, they made my depression worse, so we switched to something else. I’m now on Lamictal and Seroquel and have recently started on a thyroid hormone, all in an attempt to balance my mood. Some days I feel like it’s working (mostly when I’m getting enough attention from Angela) but other days, I still feel as low. The therapist spends most of her time telling me how great my marriage is and how I need to focus on Gwen and not Angela but it’s really not that easy. I wish it were possible to control what my brain obsesses over, but I haven’t figured out how to do that yet. I spend nearly every waking hour obsessing over Angela: things she said or did, conversations we had, made up conversations that never happened and on and on and on. My therapist thinks all of this is attributed to my insecurities and low self-esteem, which we have been working on. She also suggested that I distance myself from Angela, but I really don’t think I could go back to the relationship we had a few years ago. The only way to distance myself from her would be to leave my job but I’m not willing to do that and my therapist says it’s more important to get to the root of this behavior and fix it so it doesn’t happen again if I were to “latch on” to someone else in the future. 

I guess I could go for a while about all this, but I think I’ll stop now.  Does this sound like BPD behavior? I just want to control my thoughts better and quiet my brain and I feel like I’m not ever going to be able to do it. 

Thanks for reading.",6.332700144706483,6.223945576557551,6.849866830928079,77.18781131448239,65.77930306230199,10.013758848605734,31.792580859634715,9.679641919905896,2.8120077985060035,3819,135,737,71,54,1252,335,947,0.086,0.7879999999999999,0.126,0.9923,1,0,5,0,1,0,92.0,10,0,1,16,44,35,1,3,42,0,68,14,5,13,10,163,144,80,0,16,35,3,11,7,4,6,5,7,0,1,63,55,4,3,24,1,2,11,21,11,0,5,38,22,115,23,124,90,24,137,0,7,4,0,71,64,0,24,65,546,178,11,0.04117851891902702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300454490411899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172178680862714,0.034263826483003385,0.0,0.0,0.028002804936520482,0.043179267507806006,0.0,0.0,0.1225140773086929,0.0,0.0,0.033886412433158895,0.036657612190923436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499121775135533,0.0,0.025102042927844573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03641905364703412,0.0899125550333649,0.0,0.10372580611224437,0.18387538266996095,0.1681914874029937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237042089644644,0.06575539326052535,0.0911264959119119,0.0,0.053113476177796666,0.0,0.14186799202193248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810679820954792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879873728941759,0.0,0.1094158359909083,0.04254841775531184,0.0,0.027198023382156017,0.07449665575391884,0.06938935640847642,0.0,0.037008597598193735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738986797363372,0.11767176857444013,0.039537835816364636,0.0,0.0,0.07005285431293648,0.0,0.0,0.1272576862764302,0.0,0.27968299520850176,0.0,0.11701350630511967,0.0,0.0,0.09079892496233907,0.09072556219316184,0.0,0.10924208485784537,0.13150589730225656,0.03688786466604258,0.0,0.0,0.043770840016569834,0.0,0.0,0.05520218645099677,0.043507366095523865,0.0,0.0,0.040552546354270434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408633260774296,0.0,0.0,0.04288109073294991,0.0452612741731846,0.06713197788542831,0.0,0.043602105826494375,0.0,0.12632347657415854,0.0,0.14082421035552528,0.04127169394194173,0.0,0.0,0.034579584816980445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689233076835198,0.0,0.0,0.041369357023290663,0.0,0.04574005148645563,0.0,0.0829965235587314,0.04368390118570263,0.0,0.0,0.06573660187036194,0.0,0.030270949466597776,0.06106670001467979,0.06351882473104202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04034620551323533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043853778727291085,0.05580726025595737,0.09395435763914688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028548000159385974,0.03595549439057654,0.08604557573879862,0.0,0.11678103135615445,0.04642259289504206,0.03943763833044689,0.04189335768542815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041189662411060673,0.0,0.211040109246144,0.0,0.040658819619001384,0.2210515934426561,0.0,0.0,0.03917020127794375,0.09824043308741297,0.0,0.0,0.0984418445329427,0.0,0.04295817593382017,0.0465200053790909,0.0,0.03406329637689228,0.04628638057729579,0.0,0.0,0.0348904254507469,0.15850617832139902,0.0,0.04609598059485162,0.08743910290668314,0.043890822191400745,0.03288521840119634,0.03442708566832695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881026675342904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035991840551920895,0.03791164771214341,0.0,0.2390571714952939,0.05471435644387829,0.10554212883037567,0.04045768576318382,0.0980734330095276,0.14406915318337074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591502263409349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990653761645675,0.035565019036264814,0.0,0.0,0.048576314714157263,0.03268559161563825,0.03303092402687227,0.0,0.0,0.038172899587865385,0.0,0.0,0.04735326453500383,0.0,0.0,0.2698060698616048,0.0,0.041964428757779934,0.08775611511195269,0.0,0.0,0.21214092874462495
bpd,AuraofLight1,2019/07/02,"Can someone explain the shifting feelings of identity and black and white thinking with BPD? Someone  I care deeply for has BPD and as someone who's studied cognitive  behavior extensively it seems like the ego of someone with BPD is split  in half rather than a functioning whole. It's quite perplexing. Like  their subconscious becomes their conscious. A healthy minded individual  is capable of this in real time and will be able to understand what's  going on but with BPD it seems like it happens without their realizing  and the subconscious takes over. That sounds quite frightening.

Black  and white thinking is also something I've never understood I'm afraid,  it's not something I've typically experienced as I see many shades of  grey. I myself feel comfortable seeing the good and bad of a situation  even when I go through depressive episodes and negative thoughts become  primary in my brain.

Cognitively  speaking, I feel like I'm rather well balanced. I wouldn't say I live as  free from my ego as I could however I feel closer everyday... leading  to:

I asked the person I care about who  they are and ""what makes you well.. you?"" and they got really defensive  and irrational about it. I felt like I brought their demons out without  thinking about it however I don't completely understand why this would  cause a lot of fear in them. Can someone explain the shifting feelings  of identity?

Thanks and much love to all who take time to read this!",6.625220647773277,8.51899292692308,6.312226720647775,74.18014170040489,65.88461538461539,10.242914979757089,36.76113360323887,10.426177893888326,4.273269230769232,1171,60,194,31,19,365,145,260,0.09,0.728,0.182,0.9701,2,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,7,3,10,19,1,2,10,0,13,2,1,3,2,53,47,19,0,5,6,0,6,5,0,3,0,3,0,1,16,16,0,1,19,1,1,4,7,5,2,1,5,17,26,15,34,37,4,17,1,1,7,1,19,8,0,3,10,127,42,2,0.08909686140454415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125072787540454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329353822104606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439215769440725,0.0,0.1968009668728561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488575118221188,0.09946156342866427,0.0,0.0,0.18168037639294185,0.09152701952247932,0.0,0.0,0.09341636404393944,0.0,0.0,0.07113659395393271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673899617282395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058847636665188816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025873948204277,0.22525025093643286,0.06365081558980101,0.08554695920203575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127159914835847,0.07473022017417391,0.07125889921840002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878806029313495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764113012978015,0.0,0.0786741609503831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574696543222846,0.08041339599131803,0.0,0.059472846836000424,0.09033023315884364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996243135844705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549644474860457,0.0,0.06871699216246244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777959427522984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895309585063617,0.08912097228058699,0.10141173406370088,0.05707773087127532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085340027505813,0.0,0.0,0.14199732625977793,0.1622208727572101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014860523086414,0.0,0.0,0.3774574076891336,0.13718223357606216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397950307000794,0.0,0.0,0.08202841944045706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126901364334046,0.0,0.07073295573921361,0.10390619276593868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855059497834224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021755701116785,0.0,0.08039605928731568,0.0994734639258189,0.0,0.17177238993013386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329185402795134,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,michithebitch,2019/07/02,"You don’t need bad grades to be severely mentally ill I have BPD, OCD, GAD, depression, and I have excellent grades. 3.9 GPA at NYU while changing majors two times in two semesters and digging myself into a trap all while going through the worst era of my life. Complete isolation, drug abuse, suicide attempts, not eating... I’m in hell right now but my therapist and my mother are always focusing on how good my grades are. It can’t be that bad, I got all As last semester, so it’s not like I want to kill myself because I feel worthless and have had no friends for over a year since the end of senior year when my fake-ass friend group left me over nothing",3.873769230769232,5.3974257615384635,4.275384615384617,87.56461538461541,72.15384615384616,7.661538461538463,27.615384615384606,8.238735603445708,1.7438307692307693,519,19,105,8,10,163,97,130,0.28600000000000003,0.621,0.09300000000000001,-0.9785,0,1,1,0,1,2,17.0,0,1,0,2,4,12,2,0,4,0,10,4,0,1,2,14,16,11,2,2,3,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,2,1,14,5,14,12,4,21,1,2,0,0,5,9,1,0,12,64,17,6,0.0,0.20033281018274368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406885670578877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282350402928775,0.10306993737246123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295104088994324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886480859123172,0.0,0.17727774570202018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562883482122402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960797650249796,0.17301161943224305,0.0,0.0,0.14975518653409142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854922092365804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26126243573837754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960923762362188,0.1418167481027396,0.13522916615234046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706258345319304,0.0,0.0,0.13782321973215353,0.0,0.0,0.1837065184317638,0.0,0.11942659675843552,0.08260421889959138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039343191946696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537108959912804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223735326957114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439387068071718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191012901012562,0.0,0.1398651828601323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494668499141853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963155569870056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859223170664716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303342689998566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972809244580212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776466862374366
bpd,WholesomeDota,2019/07/02,"The Empathy Game So this is a sort of game or exercise that I have found is so helpful when having critical thoughts. There is only one rule:

Use my gifts of empathy and narrative creation to draw the most compassionate backstory possible. 

This way I have one simple rule for passing judgement that allows for the kind of understanding and love of others that I want for myself.

Ex. 

*Someone cuts me off in traffic.*

**What could be the most benevolent while still realistic interpretation for their behavior?**

• having a bad day, I’ve had those and hope others will similarly give me the benefit of the doubt 

• their son is in the ER and they’re  frantically trying to get to the hospital. 

• they were distracted by a sudden thought they should cook dinner for their neighbor who was recently diagnosed with cancer. Maybe they’re even trying to convince themselves *not* to, they’re  too shy or awkward, or the neighbors might not like it, or they’re tired and would rather relax and binge Netflix. They resolved to do it, and suddenly changed course for the grocery store instead of going straight home. I was simply in their blindspot while they were having this internal struggle, they may have even cursed themselves and felt terrible for being careless and cutting me off in the very act of trying to good for others.

This can go on and on, it’s only limited by my own creativity.

After that exercise, it almost always turns my anger into an overwhelmingly sincere love and concern for them. Suddenly I’m *rooting* for them. It’s almost ridiculous how well this exercise can work. In over a decade, I have yet to find a scenario that was “unwinnable.” I simply assume I need to invoke more effort, love, and ingenuity to create a more convincing and compassionate backstory.

The beauty of this, is that when I have hurtful thoughts about *myself*, I’ve already conditioned myself to find the most compassionate explanation for my actions. I am then filled with that same love and understanding for myself.

This also works to reduce splitting—it makes the pervasive negative narrative of my SO or roommate so much less convincing. 

In this way, anger and hate are a choice; compassion and love are only limited by my desire and creativity. 

Ultimately as someone possessing the gifts of understanding and empathy, I have a very real sense of responsibility to use them in this way, to serve and love others in a way they didn’t even realize they were looking for themselves.

I truly believe that this same love and understanding will only be returned to me in even greater magnitudes.

Now you know the rules of The Empathy Game—I am likewise rooting for you all.",5.5626408215661085,8.11086538526316,5.870608472400516,73.60806418485241,69.88421052631578,9.097304236200257,32.00641848523749,9.624276277673207,3.515336328626444,2138,97,342,53,41,682,228,475,0.115,0.701,0.183,0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,2,14,6,21,38,6,6,27,0,39,15,0,7,1,76,70,37,0,8,8,2,1,1,2,6,6,0,3,0,30,23,2,2,16,8,1,6,4,16,2,2,13,2,41,22,64,47,12,41,0,2,1,7,35,16,0,16,16,266,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556957646350853,0.0,0.09123140363141134,0.06611334527464034,0.06879032681183771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902826895995291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314384626076948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745677701774413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600744073748234,0.0,0.0,0.05331706583028326,0.0,0.0,0.08391107177067669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841821058983102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937877716575746,0.0,0.15112273886796165,0.0,0.0,0.09064637161882153,0.0,0.0,0.04319308463615689,0.07930720739481881,0.09396962530289636,0.06934195616169347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162219639845658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055413782354048514,0.0,0.08292748008505396,0.0821126661258373,0.0,0.0,0.08850285792226485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609091710848298,0.04543476549296139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038971561776874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942426415093254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223075104894348,0.0,0.05518468336506062,0.0,0.08305586041417252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770269253117881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607739625270644,0.06130077522739742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204235094363814,0.25150531939174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320107134814437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940996560874136,0.0,0.0,0.0816293384733922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400966567789224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660225419428596,0.0,0.0,0.08642747837023816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968987180001885,0.0,0.09502013137057227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838805274413576,0.08992418059585985,0.0,0.3442608735163568,0.0,0.14280537427934314,0.0,0.13642730635522113,0.04876251293998282,0.2624870319598851,0.0,0.0,0.07433270495328657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037345132160845,0.0,0.0,0.05872832914408069,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dandelizard,2019/07/02,"My mom likely has undiagnosed bpd/definitely trauma and i have... Weird thoughts? Cw self harm abusive childhood My therapist says i don't have bpd but i sometimes wonder if it just isnt the classic manifestation. I internalize all of my negative emotions if i am not actively trying not to,  have dealt with self harming impulses in moments of extreme trouble tolerating emptiness,  feel like a different species of human, have really deep intense emotions (relative to the responses people around me have to similar things). I do not lash out if i can possibly help it. The worst it gets is taking space for a day and feeling angry at someone from a distance,  often about whether they actually like me or are just trying to get something from me. I fall super hard in love, and fall out of love pretty quickly if i do. I have trouble with boundaries,  but i am working on it and seem to be getting it better. Am SUPER affected by the moods of others, which could be a cptsd thing having to do with hypervigilance and being my mom's therapist/emotional support animal for 17 years.  I am terrified of people in a way that i can usually function seemingly alright in social settings but i don't let anyone remotely close and feel like the friends i make just like my mask and not me and fear of abandonment pushes me to deal with that by only hanging out when i feel like i can be that person. I feel like i am very different around different people in a way that feels like compulsive fawning. I feel deeply pained by all the hurt that exists around me in the world and i feel grossed out at the hurt my behaviors have caused to people at times when i was less mature and aware of myself and my mental processes. That grossed outness used to manifest as self loathing and harm and it still can, if i am not active in redirecting it toward planning how to not respond to the internal reaction to whatever situation it was with the same behavior, and making a safety net. I feel like i am withholding a sense of identity from myself because of how many maladaptive behavior patterns i am unlearning and how many interests i had that i only had because my mom encouraged it. Like i dropped a lot of dreams because she told me i wouldn't be capable and the interests i have had have been largely caused by positive feedback and acceptance i got thru them. I went to school for social work because i thought the only thing i can do to have a right to exist and be worthy of anything is to make other people's lives better. I havr since reevaluated because i don't want any helping i do to be connected to a self-imposed external conditional valuing of my worth. I want to help people so that their lives get easier and i want to be realized enough in myself to not take a lack of progress in those i am helping in any way as a proof of my lack of value. This is also why i am no longer public in my real life with art or music, i felt like i realized the process of making them was influenced by a desire to be praised and accepted and thats a bad reason to do art and music imo,  so i removed that audience aspect to rebuild a heathier relationship with my creativity. 
All that said,  what is quiet bpd like? I feel like i resonate with a lot of it but am pretty able to keep my emotional impulses inside me so they don't hurt anyone but still the fact that i am always jumping over lazers in my head to act like a normal functional person feels weird and always has since i was like 12.",8.80791515556404,6.979345178994082,9.148243939683145,68.3138776484062,61.707100591715964,12.568734491315135,39.705859896926896,11.40129507085771,4.529692555831267,2775,121,501,65,31,930,293,676,0.13699999999999998,0.64,0.223,0.9971,3,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,5,9,21,49,0,1,32,1,66,5,1,13,5,119,105,47,0,14,23,3,13,15,1,1,2,3,0,6,31,40,0,3,22,3,1,8,15,18,0,0,15,16,80,30,93,78,11,55,1,4,0,2,33,31,0,13,26,374,111,4,0.05229961415999194,0.061966490683395166,0.05103687911011049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0418239825484154,0.0870349372317023,0.0,0.0,0.07113106211796426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731382124945292,0.0,0.04303812623774763,0.13967323429347947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436679932672504,0.15940679682231346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925095172828978,0.0,0.0,0.197608599599168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745222066813633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04175698624841735,0.0,0.0,0.033728924494066344,0.053918605730600304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392589617523315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23532010637749165,0.0,0.05403948199537476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058851606088231485,0.29088681981557585,0.26153998364098685,0.05021583126831507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040406552165207534,0.0,0.1092975592465016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041828779104423064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468501815962256,0.0,0.05367449256720218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402213157715621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679634559338593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046486300087517085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053479898885861285,0.03694076416454446,0.3832642458453053,0.0,0.0923630349532444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892652341384827,0.0944048873853166,0.0,0.13964159425981676,0.10604720001839896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052705710072742176,0.0,0.0,0.18375802802686755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124251761728504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932863983864182,0.055650476863200266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754780393794987,0.09133201158869364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058959956803964875,0.0,0.10641501930279697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595284107567538,0.03350447203904885,0.05377271384490978,0.0,0.05615021302361831,0.0,0.044663584732396254,0.049748909557286385,0.041590752332831465,0.0,0.05293000167305348,0.0,0.09522320899023866,0.21823961476358336,0.0,0.0,0.08652556256489137,0.058786957583765224,0.0,0.10662574078079393,0.04431329335909835,0.04026279810832945,0.05172565570190337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353307885267057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059348982370291035,0.0,0.0,0.07864560216204759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144776606431973,0.10423661921840864,0.0,0.0,0.08304010343888467,0.0304963255990473,0.0,0.0,0.049974522580598944,0.0,0.07101600995559562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517007464127045,0.057600636163397174,0.0431526589406811,0.09254300240352567,0.12453899812062542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848226629372535,0.04719226709478677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056716700604336284,0.07614948398774501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033679236808829546
bpd,noireetnoire,2019/07/02,"Could my medication be making me worse? I was diagnosed with BPD about a month ago. I’ve been struggling a lot with depression, low energy, binge eating and anxiety. 

I started an antidepressant (Trintellex) 11 days ago and the last week I’ve been feeling a lot worse. I’ve been pretty check out (dissociated), crying, cancelling work and personal obligations to stay home and isolate. 

What scares me is that I’m having suicidal thoughts of different ways to kill myself. I saw my therapist yesterday and I told her everything but the suicidal thoughts. I called my doctor and also didn’t tell the about the suicidal thoughts. I’m really scared that if I tell them they will ask me to go to the hospital. What should I do?",5.049063568010941,7.260955000000003,5.716431989063565,75.61385509227615,70.42857142857143,10.249897470950105,30.887901572112106,10.436869588844218,3.7201338345864654,577,25,101,18,11,187,87,133,0.281,0.685,0.034,-0.9869,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,2,1,3,6,1,3,9,0,12,4,0,1,0,20,24,9,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,4,9,1,0,4,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,10,2,17,0,10,10,2,13,0,2,1,0,9,2,0,3,8,63,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269547246238502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023733587113519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793094233769442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196765215023768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612301110397244,0.0,0.13071738464281732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220937059175823,0.0,0.140618204658984,0.08255893092395096,0.0,0.11025892670299917,0.12993228847441968,0.0,0.13374817946298762,0.0,0.13102853308867055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099106017819154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150514134105512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647281099479057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275373919699961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840924370880588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416293668981092,0.0,0.0,0.10434911671904798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766714515675029,0.0,0.0,0.08545084751097491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896140461495811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218016148713717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177755219000453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023703482505186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200953437462546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563302177108031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060950724645962,0.13644670310658571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382882395315507,0.0,0.4200821151140505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378108847592731,0.0,0.0,0.14863500511461944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304888264296777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223235907926718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161215927087118,0.10268572013476318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319627119365664,0.0,0.2609159576359957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pumpkinjooce,2019/07/02,"I think I might need a little help. [TW: cheating spouse, self harm] So to preface I should say I was diagnosed in my early teens and I am now in my late twenties. For quite a few years now I have been very good at managing my bpd with regular therapy and medication, but now things are different and I don’t really know what to do. 

Recently a series of circumstances have sent me spiralling; my husband gaslit me for almost a year, telling me I was paranoid and my meds weren’t working, turns out I wasn’t paranoid and he was in fact cheating on me. I ended up taking a year out of university because I just couldn’t cope with it, my husband is still at home and we are trying to work through it but I can’t talk to him and he gets very angry with me very easily. 

I’ve started self harming again after six years clean, I wouldn’t say I’m consciously thinking about suicide but I also wouldn’t stop my own death, if that makes sense? I don’t really know it’s kind of all jumbled up in my head.  I’ve started avoiding my therapy sessions and I’m finding it harder and harder to leave the house for daily tasks. I haven’t felt this way in so long I honestly just don’t know how to handle it and I’m seeking some advice. Any tips on what to do would be greatly appreciated.",3.4957673764564103,4.563059484732829,4.875680996384091,84.66692848533552,72.4732824427481,7.958537565287265,27.91161108879068,8.371475516178862,1.8354091603053435,1003,37,209,16,19,335,145,262,0.151,0.774,0.076,-0.9685,2,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,3,12,9,2,1,6,0,26,3,1,2,2,45,43,18,2,7,6,3,1,0,0,5,2,2,2,2,10,16,0,2,8,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,8,3,33,4,32,28,4,34,0,0,0,0,15,14,0,4,18,137,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116641925913672,0.0,0.0,0.119526630434392,0.0,0.0,0.09545600775472124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811721744727919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276368966542872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033581903956722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115278518089265,0.0,0.12471083704498105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572180595567597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460895129748153,0.0,0.10909728794821852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236319467502174,0.0,0.0,0.10011755232777643,0.0,0.13160014140891876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250274762319828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000772636951196,0.0,0.11973265229879065,0.0,0.0,0.13773098229442704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430009730986374,0.1967993591557219,0.0,0.1346487222278469,0.12639011518855062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963491332519473,0.0,0.10563411429548077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967694784395737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325874121563767,0.12024750378362012,0.0,0.1266272166926238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850750557499612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695918472987458,0.0,0.0,0.1529363273368361,0.0,0.11785836481213027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984740023797034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490470908066271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897407558457753,0.0,0.0953249037619251,0.09979433884548658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056574530296558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974749357219647,0.09594092520499876,0.10433011862562536,0.0,0.2730081612070918,0.0,0.07930068608300049,0.15296832076411354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104088114018608,0.12983465357315566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954654455761216,0.0,0.09474624243483673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379802905277394,0.0,0.0,0.08479334722681957,0.0,0.0,0.3074681361369811
bpd,NatyLizano,2019/07/02,"I messed up big time again...i hate myself! This week i have been having really serious episodes. The whole week i have been upset at my husband for everything and got physical..yes nearly everyday this week.  He kept his cool ALL week except today because i literally bit him! 

Now this line has been crossed and i don’t know what to do. I think i want to get a divorce, i feel like this is never going to change and our relationship is going to become toxic. He is really trying and i cant control my outbursts. And i feel like now that the line has been crossed on his end theres no going back. I think im better off alone. He also told me that he is never going to have a child with me because he doesn’t want him/her to see me get the way i do.",1.263333333333332,3.1690309171974533,3.373528662420384,89.51833970276009,80.59235668789809,6.224883227176223,20.0208067940552,7.3011,0.4758546921443738,582,15,126,8,15,198,90,157,0.1,0.815,0.085,-0.5068,0,1,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,5,8,1,1,5,1,19,0,0,1,3,19,37,6,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,5,0,0,6,6,4,0,0,7,4,22,4,14,30,3,26,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,0,15,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958195448836684,0.0,0.11549755521432033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110548091086591,0.0,0.1760817042825649,0.15950735673449618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773320986186695,0.15767597055928378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527837366346057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198622940269114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791871782548345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298009280943641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605242119105835,0.206356168062594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509134247228872,0.0,0.3283228807075156,0.0,0.11551080097568922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425909413006347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600504623548705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937284544253538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111866190632172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278073033372392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504620428134286,0.0,0.0,0.15505965558119505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508895781846387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850849149159104,0.0,0.0,0.08421606062102054,0.0,0.13689912095636542,0.13800539378048082,0.0,0.0980558884062786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037259292444154,0.11463877051180882,0.4633998446579027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612466599951452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maajan,2019/07/02,"Difference between FP and Narcissistic Supply? I've been thinking about that for some time now. I know that a narcissist can easily discard a supply while borderliner can't just let him/her go. 

What are the other differences on your opinion? For example, if a person has comorbid NPD/BPD, can a FP become a narcissistic supply?",5.545254237288134,8.001641152542376,7.0120000000000005,65.80715254237289,69.67796610169492,10.82169491525424,32.13898305084746,10.793553405168565,4.470671864406778,264,12,40,9,5,90,47,59,0.039,0.905,0.057,0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34319354112278944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39137256637900186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.649324966749564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660359742717566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077737637993476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177579111299545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713306291365541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991129082031368,0.0,0.0,0.18119796262468504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aberemade,2019/07/02,"I’m starting my first relationship, and I’m terrified. I’m 22, and I frankly never dated anyone. I would start to and be so excited that I could burst and I tell my friends and then I just freak out and stop. 

This one is different. I really like him. Quite a bit, actually. We’ve talked for a few days and it’s going pretty well. He wants to take things slow since he’s never really dated a guy. And technically, my gay ass hasn’t either. 

But I already have begun feeling my need to, idk, impress him? I’m so boring so I add a little extra to some stories which, okay, a lot of people do that. But I feel so guilty. I’m not pretending to be someone else by any means, but I feel like such a shitty worthless person all the time.

I know how I get. I know I’ll put my entire happiness into him and I’ll fuck it up. But I also can’t shake the feeling I could be really happy with him. I know this how this illness affects me, and I’m so scared I’m actually the worthless person I think I am. I think truly I deserve to be alone. But I also know that I cannot think that to be able to live a happy life.

My mom died a month ago. And my unborn niece a week before that. My whole world is in shambles right now. I need something good. And I got this far by sticking myself out there. My mom would be so proud. I don’t want to fuck this up. And most importantly, I don’t want to hurt this guy. He’s sweet. He’s funny. I’ll take things as slow as he wants, but I’m so anxious and scared. I can’t stop rereading texts. I’m talking to all my friends for advice. I don’t want to be alone for ever. I constantly tell myself that is what will happen. I don’t want to prove myself right.

I’m sorry for the vent. I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. I guess, how can I stop thinking I don’t deserve good things? Fuck I’m even scared to post this.",-0.5113439849624051,1.5656094837092769,2.0839552005012543,94.9271358082707,89.50125313283209,4.828759398496241,16.833803258145366,6.322622252153567,-0.35700463659147896,1420,34,330,15,48,488,176,399,0.20199999999999999,0.625,0.172,-0.9458,1,2,1,1,0,0,52.0,0,0,0,3,20,27,3,4,13,1,29,7,1,4,6,71,76,35,1,12,9,2,4,2,2,3,2,0,0,4,21,19,0,3,15,1,0,3,13,12,1,2,1,5,52,15,31,63,10,37,0,3,0,5,23,11,4,4,24,201,73,0,0.07825114042152641,0.0,0.1527236503773985,0.0,0.0,0.07646610877525001,0.06936491458004126,0.0,0.0,0.16208916433502604,0.08635207929302663,0.12515481744747262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05321345883258039,0.0,0.0,0.0884015153747404,0.0,0.05471501681236995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315425316663768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658595702989538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542997847262425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456168356874275,0.0,0.12495433654668313,0.0,0.0,0.050465512016554685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121232949574644,0.08175578683424528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653687868551578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051684140244336325,0.07078263647360628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826451112327866,0.05590263035245562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656038006793674,0.0,0.0,0.12091327395864955,0.2170257551928694,0.04088299117353096,0.0,0.044471926399792125,0.1312666879707307,0.06258458537281343,0.0,0.08620245328588885,0.15496186328816558,0.06919722504639597,0.2498993821582755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376946424982519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502390165777488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527109464087688,0.07645910918436248,0.07842820001456847,0.0690971906195588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652632129911941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523843202692975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832935798305631,0.062459313725035874,0.0,0.0,0.1160444582119236,0.1207042070457384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530249979050579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542494880308496,0.13665175505777466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749429619107362,0.0796095416014814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866400923364351,0.0,0.08322971996155741,0.0,0.0,0.20051873715598525,0.0,0.0,0.08401244014092463,0.0,0.13365209272603248,0.0,0.0,0.23502912775129875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473015198165974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630193734461068,0.06024155090131818,0.0,0.08759574518667315,0.1107731198935316,0.0,0.0,0.19626437173956224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767023824480992,0.12579060514061102,0.13678989157408467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559597419317965,0.2005606845581929,0.0,0.0,0.04562886925879394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769273002265323,0.0,0.06276834481012036,0.0,0.0703571728231236,0.0,0.0,0.08736460377130523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111174730041105,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlakeFlowsh,2019/07/02,"Ending things with your FP, need support Well it finally happened, my life came crashing down. I’ve had my FP for about 3 years now. She is everything to me. I think about her 24/7. My mind is nothing but her. Nothing in this world makes me happy except her. She is my best friend and I thought I was hers. She started dating this guy, seeing them together breaks my heart. It’s the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life. He has everything I want. He has her. I need to stop being friends with her because seeing her with somebody else breaks my heart so much it makes me suicidal. I’m spiraling right now, ready to end it all.  I can’t keep being her friend, I’m in too much pain. How can I ever learn to live without her? Please help. I don’t know how to live anymore.",0.34645569620252914,2.708090291139244,1.680873417721518,97.08232278481016,89.12658227848101,4.678987341772152,19.292405063291138,6.2581,-0.07361367088607551,598,18,132,6,20,190,94,158,0.155,0.675,0.17,0.195,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,1,1,10,10,0,0,1,0,12,6,2,4,2,25,30,5,1,3,3,0,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,7,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,5,3,32,7,17,23,5,19,0,0,2,0,21,6,0,0,10,84,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612598640617126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752627276718208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346502469782814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545727181187762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062405495932891,0.0,0.22528317636572495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150394027853153,0.0,0.0,0.2285980181275078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211042156745865,0.13931682325160022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29477125008349325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259257997109047,0.11246271459112382,0.13538289949883905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30141209090059684,0.08524445154616532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304127717148453,0.0,0.0,0.06989347236451847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965857265427082,0.0,0.0,0.22460026749586115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978404531737215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284131022409516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869803100898891,0.1886011292363072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440606373350338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706518250742682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396027928836397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860895902022208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268813214135648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001694618968997,0.0,0.0,0.1063261520894482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911163151498893,0.14431961144111674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449113353327299,0.08149025849860737,0.0,0.10096479319188036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501263214670159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434791845106565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259464943973945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189819228167165
bpd,forever5378,2019/07/02,"No, seriously I just wanna know... Does anyone else with bpd have periods where your totally fine, your mood swings are not crazy, you feel fine, you think more positively? If so how long has this period lasted for you, until everything hits you like a ton of bricks?",4.7845918367346965,6.863272306122456,5.322193877551023,78.72369897959184,70.83673469387755,9.797959183673472,22.45408163265306,10.125756701596842,2.263404081632653,209,5,39,6,4,67,44,49,0.069,0.706,0.225,0.8349,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,10,7,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,5,6,3,6,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,6,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24642928354786114,0.3611091625485781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44387690976871735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30841641254518937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944124711932376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167439724495145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820066756492672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368790916358325,0.2872798583816282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218091663594626,0.0,0.0,0.31189203291128365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582477664692174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ifeelsoegg,2019/07/02,"I knew he liked her, and ""it's in the past"" (but i found a note and cuddly picture of my boyfriend, with his current roommate, from a previous point in time...) :( TLDR; visiting my boyfriend. knew he used to have a crush on his roommate. found out tonight that they were closer than i thought.

i am visiting my boyfriend. known him for almost 10 years. Dating for just over 1 year, with attraction sewn throughout the years.

Boyfriend has been in this city for about 3 years - he moved here with his roommate. i knew, since we had been friends, that he was very attracted to his roommate, and he told me so. I had suspected there was something more, but never pressured. All i knew was ""he liked her and she rejected him"".

I live a 5 hour flight from him. visited 4 times so far. Visiting right now.

i, while cleaning, like an idiot, decided to sort through my boyfriend's closet while he was at work.

I found a photostrip of my boyfriend and his current roommate kissing eachothers cheeks/cuddling- granted, awhile ago 

but it hurts so much. he didnt tell me they were that close. 

would you feel hurt by this? Because i am destroyed and i dont know how to control it in front of my boyfriend, who is on his way home from work right now.

Ugh...",2.3678991596638643,4.857745000000001,2.352211764705885,95.15455294117649,80.09243697478992,5.656739495798321,26.74689075630252,6.918507183188421,1.0975003025210084,962,41,200,11,25,287,137,238,0.10800000000000001,0.792,0.1,-0.5991,2,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,1,2,3,10,14,2,1,8,0,18,1,0,3,2,37,30,15,0,1,4,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,9,12,0,1,13,0,0,6,3,7,0,0,20,1,36,7,29,9,3,40,0,3,0,1,32,15,0,2,21,124,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599085752469485,0.0,0.14232400655215344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664194587486294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941238389945306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665768723760308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186587626061132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467519035698548,0.10981032099873697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256932307343406,0.0,0.13997074008733942,0.0,0.3043090789952923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811166761232848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831458072213707,0.0,0.12550457751461605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106312147902307,0.10448288901443928,0.0,0.10962045181344936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568044688067474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343600575599235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275877616906946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175725134997821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941964972675836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422905617682305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283640802993287,0.16575585512078966,0.0,0.0,0.13581258662943915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275584354771545,0.0,0.11727324100434965,0.0,0.11281724231730378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694661713262053,0.0,0.0,0.10096602625230926,0.0,0.0,0.3661116929599882
bpd,Allways-Crying,2019/07/02,"I hate that my boyfriend wants me to have fun without him. It feels like a personal attack when he encourages me to enjoy myself with others. It feels like he's pushing me away and he doesn't care if I ever come back. This in turn makes me angry and makes me not want to go anywhere. 

Am I the only one?",1.2714583333333316,3.107339062500003,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,80.25,5.5166666666666675,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.07221666666666637,236,6,52,2,6,78,49,64,0.183,0.629,0.18899999999999997,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,14,14,4,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,2,11,6,7,14,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26986917992063897,0.2228736729648396,0.1824056337550403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418590759184509,0.0,0.0,0.20434189265753586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457683184450105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398886159242955,0.3389364937621974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481618583743374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342031941203169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317850002740568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166890792186501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074473382001364,0.18041461679200108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071291924624896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580245478986013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798340840554301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866922846390564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nickelrad,2019/07/02,"Narcissistic Ex-Boyfriend revealed my cluster B personality disorder ? Hello,

I’m new and happy I found this place. I’ve been completely overwhelmed lately and I don’t know who to talk to.

I was discarded by my NPD ex 2 years ago and can’t seem to really move on. I get triggered till this day and after dating him for 6 years, I’m really confused about myself and have become not only very anxious, stressed out but sometimes even paranoid like him. 

Thankfully, dating him opened my eyes to my past behaviours and after going through the why he hurt me, he’s scary/evil, maybe he got hurt and hurt me phase... I’ve been looking at myself for over a year. I feel like in some way with all the pain he caused, he also revealed who I really am. I think I attracted him because I myself have a cluster B personality disorder. I know my dad has borderline personality disorder & I do share some behaviours with him but I don’t know what I have. My confusion is my behaviours as a child points to histrionic personality disorder... I was only 7 when I paraded around my bedroom window naked after my bath to show my neighbourhood friends my body. At 8, My mom told me my cousin had a cold and so I wrote him a get well soon letter, where I mentioned that I heard he was dying and I’ve prayed to God so he’ll be ok. At 11, I used to dress very provocatively, low V neck neon tops at camp. Same thing at 17, except I was almost suspended for my inappropriate clothes in high school. Joined dance groups and was very passive aggressive when I wasn’t the centre of attention. I also used to have a routine I followed but since my narcissist ex left, I haven’t been able to stick to any routine. 

On the BPD side of things, I’ve had difficulty, since I was about 8 years old, going to sleepovers, I’ve been overly attached to my parents, especially my mom. I also felt very sad when I hosted sleepovers and everyone had to leave. I lash out in relationships until I get my exs to stay with me. I’ve also cut myself when I was 14. I give too much to other people to the point of being completely broke and only now realize, I sometimes give more of myself because I expect the people I want as friends to stay in return. I was also very emotional and moody up until now where all I feel is emptiness because I don’t feel driven by passion or anything like the high with the love I give to other people. Or maybe it’s apathy from narcissistic abuse, I don’t know, but my moods always go from really excited to wanting to cry.  

Anyway, now after dealing with narcissistic abuse for 6 years, I also have some narcissistic behaviours. I’ve been isolated by my ex but I’ve remained isolated because I feel ashamed of myself, I’m obese now and I have major social anxiety. I always worry what if all I attract are cluster Bs, psychopaths, sociopaths because I don’t know where to heal myself? I don’t even remember the skills I need to socialize because my addiction has been my ex for too long. I’ve also been scared that my ex finds out the person I meet in my city and they end up vanishing like my other friends? It only took one small provocation from him to get my ex-friends to think of me in some way I don’t even understand. 

Anyway, I feel really lost on what and who I am. Is it possible to have NPD, BPD and histrionic all at the same time? I’m also very ashamed to seek help. When I was discarded by my narcissist ex in the past and had no one, I called a helpline and it wasn’t helpful at all. The lady working for the helpline was  racist and dramatic, made me feel bad about dating a Muslim, “You should’ve known better, how could you not know girl? Arabs are all over the news for a reason”. She offered me no solution and I broke down calling many helplines with no one to help when I was framed by my ex on a legal matter that sucked my bank account dry. It scarred me and I just have a hard time seeking help because I don’t have the money for it. I was running on impulse with my ex, he was completely sucking dry my money and I let him step all over me. Now, I don’t even have money to have a diagnosis or treat whatever mental health problems I have... so I sought out this group. I want to make friends in real life but I’m skeptical about live Cluster B support groups or even live narcissistic abuse support groups because what if they’re run by narcissists or sociopaths etc? I just feel safer here but I do know I’ll have to find my past self that had no problems making friends and merge it with a new socially developed self in order to remove myself from isolation and recover from whatever this is, BPD, histrionic, Narcissism or everything all at once?

I know it’s a lot to take in but maybe some of you have gone through something similar.. thank you in advance for reading and responding❤️ I really appreciate it",4.8157111169102285,5.643794638830903,5.853866779749478,79.7542448460334,69.20876826722339,9.24428496868476,30.208833507306892,9.435801123606538,2.6301027661795406,3816,146,747,78,64,1267,369,958,0.16399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.127,-0.9919,2,1,1,0,3,1,93.0,0,4,1,7,45,50,5,7,30,1,68,11,3,11,8,132,132,65,1,10,21,14,9,4,5,1,6,1,3,9,29,40,1,0,30,4,5,14,19,25,1,3,38,13,130,24,120,89,20,110,1,9,2,2,82,50,2,18,45,487,159,4,0.04566074793287325,0.16230155939909602,0.0,0.04977695502636235,0.0,0.0,0.0404754980306109,0.0,0.04572264337339895,0.0,0.0,0.2921190690011591,0.07598680017280679,0.04947340130840918,0.0,0.03105087436811805,0.0,0.034930347189685004,0.05158364834897192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03757490500089143,0.04064774630098148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03812481727323385,0.22267494505711716,0.05042870870908653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040383220965303855,0.0,0.050718797474638345,0.1725243407735893,0.0,0.09324945763426427,0.0,0.0,0.0469061659589498,0.0,0.0,0.1436232764266024,0.0,0.0,0.03645639177552459,0.0,0.05015618754071648,0.029447404997274555,0.04707422616207873,0.0,0.0,0.047388647451924136,0.0,0.20932469197102185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136219565582939,0.040441869840515315,0.0,0.050923803818771055,0.1507924668644642,0.0,0.0,0.043630801398225116,0.0410369360200435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616121227477995,0.03262004744669348,0.04384147857703015,0.0,0.08346619279290128,0.0,0.0,0.050064653315501285,0.21166428351933209,0.0,0.09542342486821816,0.13140585020893694,0.07785016590780272,0.0,0.03651907131062458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860671523270135,0.04090306146294759,0.0,0.0,0.04853523985981041,0.0,0.0,0.12242174740858755,0.09648617428020362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664232512057593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075162345749373,0.0,0.05150731251047015,0.04834813916937899,0.049610536230612116,0.04669120837168405,0.03225153661373095,0.0892301401061449,0.0,0.08063855393681749,0.04040832506065031,0.03834352831038787,0.0,0.0498441002043304,0.03881913504873077,0.041210607724040726,0.04320530372478225,0.0609578076134227,0.046292831666158635,0.13761707556067784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601529439380762,0.0,0.0,0.10695463224271393,0.0,0.04853014890166685,0.033565903523655044,0.033856866026989264,0.0,0.08819886976739744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791327399100447,0.048627206342907264,0.09282271352627858,0.1389082254202155,0.048586255122674005,0.0,0.050700856994251135,0.0,0.13076505156974785,0.09496624017696567,0.1993460193891725,0.04770576319505316,0.0,0.08632833130917487,0.05147563264086898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738233830610884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567310437973432,0.05197192755750714,0.17550866601642767,0.04694685366182303,0.0,0.049022555222020536,0.05172472637709925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571437426268665,0.0462111146190572,0.0,0.041567830020328274,0.09526823666617353,0.0,0.0,0.07554208507044496,0.0,0.0,0.13963614697196264,0.0,0.03515187454103543,0.09031929449582622,0.0,0.0,0.09733656388122773,0.0,0.0,0.05230423248554263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363055129976184,0.0,0.0,0.034331199895326715,0.036700379590052436,0.0,0.0840765639632662,0.0,0.0,0.060669944026057174,0.058515127150382776,0.0,0.0,0.05325029862733286,0.0,0.0,0.043630801398225116,0.05073077103022226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753444891088547,0.0,0.07887245156320434,0.0,0.2260493941499463,0.08079567647998344,0.07248675275248377,0.0,0.0,0.0410544960270316,0.0,0.04120172293439764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03324156831201495,0.04637070595128198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702012311172175
bpd,Hollywoodsweets,2019/07/02,"Anyone on disability? Hi. I was wondering if anyone here is on disability in the US for BPD? I'm a divorced single mom to two with a freaking crap ton of medical issues besides the BPD and with the job I have I make too much to have any benefits but definitely don't make enough to cover all my medical expenses, a medically necessary gluten free diet, living expenses, kids, and etc. And I just can't handle any of it lately. The job, the diet, the medical issues, being a good mom, life. I need to figure something out to get better... Help?",3.9905660377358494,5.430127443396226,6.498254716981133,72.07304245283022,71.73584905660377,9.828301886792454,28.34433962264151,10.125756701596842,3.144173584905661,423,16,76,12,8,152,70,106,0.034,0.802,0.16399999999999998,0.9436,2,0,1,0,2,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,10,0,7,8,1,2,1,15,13,5,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,2,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,7,5,14,11,6,5,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,1,54,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459694971650706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898058391398333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003880022098395,0.0,0.0,0.34188481222883743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024145350258935,0.15137059815872575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091134114834174,0.0,0.0,0.11384070275821602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097441541691936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833257941990697,0.269374634657645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531050730618112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958674337473385,0.0,0.0,0.11984872720340027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119659390972415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469194968263598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179217859695393,0.0,0.0,0.09977437883854373,0.10063926254456466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448866495938494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258478223186246,0.0,0.16326191522557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471892815572158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,youwouldifyoucould,2019/07/02,"They’re talking now and I can hear, but they know I’m comfortable now. It’s day 4 (I think) could be 5, I’m in deep again, disassociated, locked away with 2 ounces of cocaine (won’t even begin to explain our  relationship... she’s like a sex buddy, she’s ok on occasion twice a week but if she’s with me everyday they start to become a pain)

Anyways, I’ve been deep before like this and al of a sudden out of nowhere the voices come, the temporary psychosis, I am fully aware that my Brian is totally exhausted and wants sleep, but the drugs are doing their thing.  I KNOW this isn’t real, but when you’re in psychosis, and you SEE IT, HEAR IT, MULTIPLE times  you easily slip into bad paranoia, which can end badly.

I just have got to the point where I laugh, I’m eating Cheerios right now with the rest of the cocaine here, as if it’s casual. But I enjoy it so much when I do it, even though it’s so much pain.

I was clean for 8 months and ran a marathon, that night I finished I went and got it,

Accepted now that it’s probably gonna  be around forever, and that’s ok! It’s actually OK! As long as I’m not doing these long benders  for days and putting my life in jeopardy it is ok. 
I am not defined, nor are you by our downfalls or illnesses. 

That’s all I wanted to type. It’s quite hard when you’re in this state.

Thanks guys",2.6010291858678976,3.6791732401433705,4.2251203277009735,88.43387096774197,74.66308243727599,7.608192524321558,24.3968253968254,8.11559375814309,1.1662997439836142,1030,31,233,16,21,346,156,279,0.10400000000000001,0.732,0.165,0.9512,0,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,2,3,3,1,18,17,0,0,11,4,19,9,1,0,2,37,41,26,0,5,11,0,1,2,0,2,6,3,1,1,23,15,1,0,5,2,0,4,5,5,0,1,6,5,27,12,26,30,5,41,0,0,1,1,17,14,0,3,24,148,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.13181449494068093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024609887427555,0.0,0.0,0.12690815961753846,0.0,0.2255653001499998,0.0,0.1491806076684857,0.11493955617677462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635584044071272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784703431228622,0.0,0.0,0.17422543167209312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664504315355274,0.13821626412382312,0.0,0.0,0.11963706532447448,0.0,0.0,0.1784325826658927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606491179601028,0.0,0.0,0.13374627763231658,0.0,0.0,0.12100138434527193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30448048504679937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846825322550694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540803152494504,0.13198242493348128,0.0,0.0,0.23907566311835105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078162140920847,0.0,0.19859250862389688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675948710952978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874603474520685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769029044549526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563455732162414,0.0,0.0,0.13578848621701478,0.0,0.14366973908332634,0.0,0.15374583115856022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502085745783105,0.0,0.11535399433494813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076379235088789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517334916243753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560734578886304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856881068464876,0.0,0.12435964774622875,0.0,0.0,0.08973835885063426,0.08655111790042634,0.13271128673538468,0.0,0.07876378466857778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593424119291862,0.0,0.10834965833992348,0.0,0.0,0.1252166189727107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,farmgirlwilson,2019/07/02,"Selling some of my art to help cover emergency medical expenses! Hi, all! I’ve never posted on here before, just lurked in the non-member of reddit world and read these threads when I needed it.

I have BPD. It’s not fun which most people here know. Unfortunately, a series of traumatic events happened in a short amount of time for me, resulting in a trip to the ER after a suicide attempt. I am currently uninsured due to the fact that my parents had healthshare and it wasn’t real insurance and I wasn’t covered after I graduated high school, and every time I apply for Medicaid, I get denied mostly because they told me they never received my documents regardless of me sending it in a lot.

When I’ve been getting anxious and panicky, instead of following the instinct to self-harm, I’ve been aggressively painting whatever I feel in the moment. I’m not incredible, but it is important art to me and if I could possibly share it and it means something to someone else, that would be really cool, you know??

I’m linking my art Instagram. I’m not good at pricing my work, but if there’s something you see that you like, we can talk! 

Thanks for ur time guys. I didn’t have a better place to post this in my life, mostly because this isn’t information that you want to really public discuss with everyone you know.

[ART INSTAGRAM LINK](https://www.instagram.com/painting_and_pieceswithjo)",6.999032101167312,7.821288151750974,7.2953866731517545,71.36736016536967,64.36964980544747,10.471692607003893,35.12864785992218,10.411451182825502,3.861778404669261,1113,49,187,26,16,362,153,257,0.081,0.8240000000000001,0.095,0.8159,2,0,2,0,0,1,40.0,1,5,2,3,7,8,1,0,11,1,15,2,0,1,4,40,32,13,1,7,8,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,15,9,0,0,7,5,3,4,9,1,1,0,7,3,28,7,28,22,7,31,0,0,1,0,21,12,0,7,14,126,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127872555891956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405094687059894,0.0,0.12147866746830688,0.0,0.0,0.12626005759009584,0.0,0.0,0.17980184740986027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139826396973037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925807595765392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202818752676101,0.13641377199641827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218399635732145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917293409627802,0.0,0.0,0.11974073099604925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135533602228287,0.12624263532574384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568935134822848,0.15083430234221867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353723056243993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083596040339064,0.06974556733756937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213698687150666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550803204751276,0.0,0.1438161807667982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585509902889093,0.22021139116693356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851863647680178,0.0,0.0,0.098972152849987,0.0,0.14915433351792234,0.0,0.0,0.1609410093193598,0.2734501854484681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427991292289016,0.16249269893842816,0.18291205892858392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448124378482893,0.11376163221653632,0.0,0.14893033245555826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209605051643895,0.21980800926029168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615681188885402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474547918304052,0.0,0.13143468443366516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497343801706677,0.0,0.0,0.13641377199641827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420383946225345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393134151102333,0.0,0.0,0.10141296050966593,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wannabeastronomyemo,2019/07/02,"Questioning BPD Ive never really wanted to say i might have BPD since there is such a stigma against it (even my therapist made an offhanded remark about ppl with BPD) but the more I think about it the more it makes sense? I have alot of trust issues since I was bullied in middleschool, I have pretty rapid mood swings, I go from loving my friends (until they do something I didnt like) to being annoyed or hating them entirely, I'm really clingy, and my friendships hardly last longer than a year or two. I just am still not sure if BPD is right since  im able to identify outwardly manipulative behavior and not do it but i still sometimes do manipulative things unintentionally. Rambling aside im mainly afraid to be diagnosed since it seems like everyone automatically hates ppl with bpd but I really want to be able to work on this unhealthy behavior (sorry pretty new to reddit so i dont know how to add paragraphs right). I dont know if I want advice, support, or just a place to vent in this post sorry!",6.925790209790208,6.863707164102564,7.3595337995338,73.87258741258742,64.53846153846153,10.372960372960373,31.060606060606066,10.018931242160765,2.8738717948717962,807,26,151,16,11,265,118,195,0.128,0.7040000000000001,0.168,0.8714,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,11,12,3,1,7,0,18,2,0,5,2,34,33,13,0,5,12,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,2,19,7,21,26,4,16,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,9,9,98,27,1,0.1853257273497021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054907794338198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5835281649057691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940508560920169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720037221985491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120294753295812,0.0,0.0,0.08854333722110425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159109861501814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266244084294922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300772501136433,0.18297078765398955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018358759215973,0.09671595510875844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185017306491699,0.07553260144266916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054078921899156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363185226629409,0.087679842103456,0.061853181041891726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983006549680945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146731295038981,0.08949437115602248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681297025503563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874540901916021,0.1885428905162928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380361420842736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808660971502208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582671585540749,0.0,0.07368922840925696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435679091581365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066067135337948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133639955482142,0.09164594155771667,0.20745697892721784,0.0,0.0,0.14800136525647342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515271959360598,0.0873336523936003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758872671609583,0.061561089195386935,0.05937462148039872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051815336962657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396487342232113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674596683646715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596718461352809
bpd,carapherneliasdrella,2019/07/02,"Failed a drug test today for a job I really needed, panic attacks and dissociating I keep crying on and off. Every time I get close to letting myself go my brain just goes numb.  I feel like shit for using CBD and making the mistake of smoking days before my interview. I wish my friend didn’t commit suicide, I wish I wasn’t so fucked up. I can’t even tell my mom because she’ll see me as a failure like my father... I’m so scared I want to throw everything away I’m so stupid",1.1854000000000011,3.231110740000002,3.414000000000001,88.397,81.6,5.6000000000000005,20.0,6.742157984588678,0.3173999999999997,374,10,78,4,10,128,73,100,0.344,0.514,0.142,-0.9813,1,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,4,2,4,0,5,5,2,2,1,15,19,7,1,5,1,2,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,2,2,17,3,10,15,0,10,0,1,1,1,6,5,2,0,5,43,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969070930412985,0.164916208114811,0.0,0.0,0.10700145555865748,0.0,0.14936309709477008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594952533989216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281145692446214,0.11320232534739595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355906676700988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593590603659225,0.0,0.1478915910814071,0.0,0.15775504099703147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875323940658142,0.12539866328628466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561403848429962,0.1622746516475667,0.09170717749742804,0.0,0.09975774107836767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418643501732145,0.15601912440551002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794913121018178,0.0,0.1715101780959039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716763447504652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557860833019706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301532669376185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594662873041455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244900930726008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573614614993194,0.0,0.13987467983093496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017901712582413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200132453090807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342095216555893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235295148443882,0.0,0.16638191079210554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516015574824157,0.0,0.0,0.10353213869944904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037016624713928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thescrublord48,2019/07/02,I think I might belong here. Please help. I'm sorry I don't know if I belong here. My girlfriend has BPD she just hasn't been diagnosed with it but she has all the symptoms. I just wanted to know if I had it too. I just don't know who I am. I need pain to sometimes keep me going. I have horrible horrible mood swings of anger and molycony and sadness. I punch my self in the face when things get real bad and things are getting bad for me again and I'm scared I know I'm loved but I fell so scared right now I don't know what an wrong with me. One min im this kind of man then im not and so forth.,-1.5264444444444436,0.4199365407407463,0.7083333333333357,103.3425,94.70370370370372,3.888888888888889,14.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.2329999999999997,463,9,120,3,18,153,79,135,0.298,0.644,0.057999999999999996,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,1,2,3,0,12,5,1,0,1,27,28,13,0,4,8,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,7,7,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,2,0,21,2,8,25,1,9,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,3,5,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614320315423658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717422982733626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588989720619544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358596318796556,0.0,0.08897322218982329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049348181153874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382102791382073,0.0,0.0,0.13915235120137773,0.0,0.16302685621505025,0.4301898057289766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129605948243298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607900955377794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608277626169355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608501367378778,0.0,0.1665844493197609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184923374996855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781926783695147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369622484246307,0.0,0.0,0.3134756462838904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163319921473974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483586765997764,0.1752493388596147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271950593184514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801498675548105,0.10031345499473668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233958067532064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116717695762276,0.0,0.0
bpd,fuck-off-its-mondo,2019/07/02,"I’ve been seeing this woman for about three months and had my first BPD episode in months. I just started seeing this woman very recently and I told her when we first started seeing eachother about my struggles with BPD in the past and how hard I had worked to get past those problems (went through a whole year of therapy with a psychologist, tried different medications on and off, went to two different group therapy sessions a week). I finally got a point where my BPD problems were no longer an issue. Recently I started thinking she had feelings for one of my best friends and I spiraled into an episode because of it. We argued for two days straight and I’ve been having mood swings for about a week. We’re currently trying to work through it and I was in the wrong, but I’m having such a difficult being affectionate with her again. I’m also having a hard time just talking to her. What do I do from here? How can I get myself back to normal and the relationship back to normal?",5.411797570850201,6.560711515789475,5.636315789473687,80.68459514170044,68.05263157894737,8.582995951417004,31.457489878542514,8.841846274778883,2.5471133603238867,788,32,147,13,13,250,104,190,0.094,0.851,0.054000000000000006,-0.5122,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,5,15,10,1,1,12,0,14,1,0,2,0,25,30,13,0,4,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,6,14,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,6,11,6,20,3,28,18,2,33,0,0,3,0,14,9,0,0,22,110,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345783227604504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049506181910075,0.0,0.06361778530993706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952092735207733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943188657981195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673045164940618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807105421482345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276829647456606,0.0,0.0,0.11432289255410445,0.0,0.1775396312897376,0.0,0.0,0.08062941518191027,0.0,0.10904912459276583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346740358280252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869747623021705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892626387972776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513320469229556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660066420946829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450417105808047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071803502019056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924966950483414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986553246209802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971967072675886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608872870724476,0.11204516584150316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494877468345044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160276326515346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910127091438557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838817988778851,0.0,0.0,0.23869287920105806,0.0,0.0,0.06687061798500693,0.0,0.0,0.06085401417559118,0.0,0.0,0.09972185979130464,0.0,0.14170917943854675,0.0,0.20389198966722968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610914486605216,0.0,0.0,0.1674249573527311,0.0,0.0,0.19348826210035724,0.0,0.11651585767313928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195279060763156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410288781804825,0.0,0.06720536700498869
bpd,FrostyPenguins,2018/12/08,I'm emotional I have been for a few days...even waking up at 3am and contemplating all sorts of bad things. I'm not doing anything. Just sitting quietly waiting and hoping for a resolution. I'm feeling very emotional though. ,3.6612790697674416,6.060220651162794,5.616453488372091,73.9423546511628,75.04651162790697,8.951162790697676,31.68023255813953,9.516144504307137,3.529609302325582,180,9,31,5,4,62,34,43,0.085,0.732,0.183,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,9,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576456501506977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614163184978339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7043661876244031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679239594724572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830725486523267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109681179041524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800248427546394,0.0,0.30760844844844554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583312946080749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,humangarbag3,2018/12/08,"I just need to get this out I’m pregnant, I didn’t want to get pregnant, I gave up drinking and smoking and eating everything I love, and now my husband and his best friend who is also my ex are getting drunk and high in my house right now and I just want to fucking die. Can I just say that I want to fucking die. My hormones are everywhere, my boobs are gigantic and painful, I can’t fucking masturbate but I keep having sex dreams. I just don’t feel like myself at all. I don’t know what myself is but I feel especially far from it and I hate everything and everyone, especially myself because I’m obviously a monster.",2.6513203463203467,4.528932198412701,4.329653679653681,84.4229220779221,76.22222222222223,7.43896103896104,28.914862914862915,8.296473431620573,2.1176603174603184,491,22,99,9,11,165,72,126,0.11199999999999999,0.747,0.141,0.1672,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,4,0,1,0,11,10,1,0,2,26,30,12,2,4,6,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,10,3,1,3,3,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,3,22,4,9,28,2,9,0,0,0,6,8,7,4,0,3,68,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219927636146722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077214986695564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348386541471725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431337733514796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194200394163324,0.0,0.1691545884921533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579618993484706,0.2971420257905891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717258089549733,0.11809832701643985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277189935300577,0.4584825158702295,0.2591047772124981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321054779614186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466031864806086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074688560895472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146936156191673,0.0,0.0,0.09085069126166877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076268346328247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491997776978499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225761318202028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590273145244475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411748289273224,0.0,0.13146207096286294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925144188720291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sleepyxcat,2018/12/08,"What do I do from here? Is it rape? So long story short, I'm a heavy sleeper anyway but my meds and weed contribute to my sleep a lot.
There have been numerous times now where I've been woken up by my partner of 4 years having sex with me. Or I'll say multiple times before I go to bed that I don't want to, I'll remember saying it in my sleep too but somehow he always does it anyway. 
I'm asleep, like genuinely unconscious and apparently it always starts with him touching me while I'm asleep, then I put my leg over him in my sleep and he sees that as an invitation to continue and do more because apparently I moan when he's doing things.. 
I shrug it off in the morning and tell him it's bad but I'm laughing (kind of like a laugh cause I dunno how to respond otherwise really)...
But it eats at me throughout the day and now I've split on him really hard. Literally everything he does is making me angry and now he's gone to sleep without saying goodnight. 

I've told him before at least twice that it is technically rape and I feel uncomfortable with it and it doesn't help with my already low sex drive. 
I feel like such a mess right now, why does he keep doing it? I feel worthless.

Tl;dr - my boyfriend keeps having sex with me while I'm asleep and I don't know what to do.",1.8787921348314605,3.693710554307121,3.6865777153558064,88.44649578651686,78.28838951310861,6.996816479400749,21.986423220973787,7.937092434478242,0.9437142322097376,1006,29,219,17,24,338,137,267,0.147,0.785,0.068,-0.9678,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,15,12,2,0,7,0,17,14,8,3,0,35,36,22,0,1,6,0,5,3,1,0,0,3,1,1,17,15,1,2,5,0,0,4,4,6,0,1,5,9,29,6,27,31,3,32,0,2,1,5,19,13,0,4,18,134,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589973890395618,0.0,0.20494231329852747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282559902892664,0.07507145690081242,0.0,0.20958416402055494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650957979188626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942194285132964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32330973482124353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601379861726456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067980990784136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680591639053384,0.08797880642992931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998931856381793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031873980934193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254524488103995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189238064540156,0.0,0.1282423890386874,0.067680343849604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804954737637056,0.0,0.0,0.10898439723235208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469822810069992,0.0,0.0,0.08220397541079917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679254368565616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380035783172925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577868433971226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950561221618182,0.10516993136783642,0.0,0.2938028773051795,0.0,0.0,0.098135076234422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929581133669388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716662177886475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763904414239044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181578016257884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362019929388334,0.0,0.0,0.1176756666853418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263740897397321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112425303944133,0.0,0.0,0.1187127745625547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930494260431653
bpd,peaches11111,2018/12/08,"I crave the attention of someone who’s shown that they don’t respect me nor care about me? First time posting something here. Little bit of a preface here, after years of childhood neglect I find it EXTREMELY difficult to connect to other people on an emotional level. I recently got back in touch with my ex boyfriend of 4 years, who’s also the only person that knows of my trauma, and we’re taking things very slowly. The last year of our relationship he got heavily involved in xanax which made his depression/ anger issues worse and it caused him to treat me AWFULLY.  Any small argument would turn into him leaving me, which made my insecurities worse which he blamed on me. I was happy when we first started talking again because I was always hoping things would work out between us but as of late i’m realizing how bad he made me feel about myself and how his actions show that he doesnt care about me yet I still crave his attention constantly and still think of him as the best thing ever even though his actions don’t reflect that. 

Why cant I let him go even after all he put me through?",6.976493710691828,6.9591081273584905,6.8849056603773615,77.16748427672957,64.4245283018868,9.708176100628927,33.232704402515715,9.2995712137729,2.8768383647798745,881,33,162,14,12,280,136,212,0.132,0.799,0.069,-0.8977,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,3,0,1,4,18,14,1,1,6,1,9,1,0,6,2,29,25,13,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,15,8,0,1,8,1,0,4,5,7,0,2,7,2,31,7,27,15,3,35,0,2,0,0,24,9,0,1,21,113,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428328981616316,0.0981008946439877,0.0,0.0,0.08017493954379078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065657479278098,0.09844022051559552,0.0718697565735946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372707333586873,0.0,0.1287144927154487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041050656099125,0.12111411019881525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740626181010753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154569970170592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261980589411845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574153270132512,0.10664583217332492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961296206641061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775698103999687,0.2005685991864624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670043648490712,0.0,0.1885882052668372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550501506023384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709969092865992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305527505190215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479386491346459,0.09610291327280336,0.13299450500595905,0.1248373584912572,0.0,0.12055907875721415,0.0,0.0,0.11816514717600901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33467488609553275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896670287217103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173589010327555,0.10294431559861372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112914055433418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118520433043494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641042432231367,0.12657873509814002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989491258150936,0.0907639309208041,0.0,0.0,0.08344907834766961,0.0,0.1883075929841393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864490717529644,0.0947622498478765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349793295712489,0.07554451971401137,0.11583455719875455,0.0,0.06874749197914415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823957924653018,0.0,0.0,0.14181723157523096,0.0,0.0,0.0972785086769894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638494768949593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583142291455285,0.0,0.2402970378340093,0.16750324927921306,0.0,0.0,0.2277680687982001
bpd,EffPeeYay,2018/12/08,"New FP here with many questions! Hi! I am a 39/m who has been dating a 31/f for one week and I have a lot of questions! I'm interested in the input of anyone here, including pwBPD and friends/family.

First of all--and I'm trying to abide by the sub rules as best I can here--she has not identified herself to me as a pwBPD thus far. However, reading about BPD symptoms and posts by pwBPD have helped me to make sense of some of her behavior that is unusual, confusing, or worrisome to me. So first question: if she is *not* a pwBPD, is there a risk that trying to understand or relate to her through this framework is going to be hurtful to her? To me, so far it seems like the best approaches to relating to a pwBPD are good ways to be gentle and kind to *anyone* and their feelings, but I want to be cautious.

Next up: On a couple of occasions she has asked me to tell her things I can't honestly say--though sometimes in a pretty clearly humorous way. Telling her ""I want to adopt a million puppies with you"" made her feel good, and I think she understood that I wasn't making a literally true statement. She also asked me to tell her ""you are the greatest person in the whole wide world"". I guess the situation I'm wondering most about is if she asks me to tell her ""we will be together forever"" when I wouldn't honestly be able to promise that to her or to anyone at this point in a relationship.

I like saying things to make her happy, but I have several concerns. One is that it just pains me to be intentionally dishonest to anybody, even a tiny bit. My word is very important to me. Another concern is that she'll hold me to some of these rosy, pie-in-the-sky things I say for her, or be crushed if they're not 100% true, or that it would make it worse for her to have heard these things if our relationship doesn't end up working out. I also worry that engaging in these little white lies could be corrosive over time to my own honesty and integrity outside of this relationship.

I've got more questions, but let me stop here. I'm grateful in advance for your feedback. I don't know how this relationship is going to work out, but I'm so grateful to her for giving me a chance and sharing her time with me, so I want to be as gentle and kind to her as I can, and even if we don't work out, I hope to make her feel understood and more understandable by other people in general.",6.379607438016528,5.303494373966945,7.1248628099173565,78.46311239669423,66.00413223140495,10.801851239669421,33.616198347107435,10.078955797065145,3.0350705123966937,1863,69,393,37,25,622,222,484,0.096,0.726,0.177,0.9917,1,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,3,3,1,8,17,23,0,2,20,0,42,2,0,9,3,82,77,37,0,12,18,0,3,2,0,4,2,3,0,1,25,19,0,2,16,1,0,4,9,4,0,5,7,7,63,19,74,55,12,39,0,1,1,0,54,21,0,23,13,282,88,5,0.07624712324082007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194959381671384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995175682714463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994128421169926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138423028753338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003330353512246,0.0,0.08324211074719216,0.0,0.09603058256472836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060877123622909673,0.08436599162250548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753231984618825,0.0,0.0,0.1007210115936319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187900197125319,0.0,0.11565850944082677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971152815556114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314318832574497,0.08666599450680533,0.12790493890828006,0.06098178976294909,0.0,0.08399480242644611,0.0,0.0,0.08116648049934852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051106839487943034,0.0,0.0,0.07573059750384692,0.0,0.0,0.08162412240980986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587992912637409,0.04190342489861575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779678494143883,0.0,0.07450098604901183,0.0764196483252971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482257755641545,0.0,0.07214687158877729,0.2544777341593126,0.07730261550698225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363994675188207,0.08108968057136583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103334047998078,0.0,0.08113231495013175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286015484704289,0.06657604702524064,0.0,0.0,0.07207817671079053,0.0,0.07302366741313396,0.0775707356715216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416569120144981,0.0,0.07626775679522482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274435026853578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819043182096192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941251735676486,0.0,0.08613754638135407,0.0,0.0,0.08570496115191414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541035451906403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374600914950099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924995554927973,0.0,0.0,0.2665733857618889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026208027064767,0.04885607784881877,0.0749124114563161,0.0,0.08892062144968962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353358337579824,0.0,0.0,0.1587518885858374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629118619184034,0.13491758634684006,0.12104283483421463,0.061160843108210634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512719015662601,0.0,0.0,0.0826867526701499,0.16652644145451598,0.07743265477449096,0.07770233255637121,0.05416376871344058,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,legitimate_wolf,2018/12/08,"Currently going through another panic/abandonment episode I keep feeling like she doesn't like me as much as I like her. I can't stop reading into everything she does. Why doesn't she text me as much as I text her? Why doesn't she snapchat me? I'm afraid I'm scaring her. I'm trying so fucking hard to not let her know how much I need her but I'm so scared she's going to see and she's going to get freaked out and I don't know what to do. I wish I had been smarter about this, I wish I could stop feeling like she's going to leave me. 

I need someone who is as wrapped up in me as I am in them because I can't handle normal people and how they don't need you as much as you need them. 

Also she's a friend, not someone I'm interested in romantically at all, but my intensity of emotion makes it feel like this is some sort of lover relationship even though I don't want her like that. What do I do?",1.58183375634518,2.8382745532994917,3.4677125634517765,92.13070590101525,77.57868020304568,6.549365482233504,23.9876269035533,7.1686216300943375,0.6784723350253805,705,23,169,8,16,238,93,197,0.083,0.69,0.22699999999999998,0.9823,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,3,0,8,14,1,3,1,0,18,2,0,3,1,32,44,19,0,9,4,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,5,1,0,4,10,5,0,0,2,5,40,9,24,40,6,14,0,0,1,2,23,7,1,2,9,110,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912162848299562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960519088503414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953185658942468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107016881682664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981745856376804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830572641364907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533765545537117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251263246462354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730213149544203,0.2444602784122229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812493088221454,0.10544957306933128,0.05959330441515805,0.0,0.2592989379492531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217820610147513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138459637518264,0.0,0.0,0.12537228280227206,0.0,0.0,0.12077643951288748,0.0,0.1166373308377063,0.0,0.3343530528083417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613805919467143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353982499651361,0.33830561440878937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175769971144016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382856690307945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907704797984516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409404835953756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246116970080692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283942858137426,0.0,0.09089358764063424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329072663598207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907238538602478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206649644062484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744141275998649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727741957211217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584855935736493,0.0,0.2623340584790957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RamboHiggles,2018/12/08,"DAE Find it Impossible to Let Go? It’s almost a year since I had a falling out with a formerly dear friend and I’m still as angry at her as ever. It may as well have happened yesterday, as far as my emotions are concerned. 

The only contact we’ve had since was a little over 6 months ago when she randomly accused me of some terrible things I did not do. At that point I decided I’m better off without her in my life. Good riddance.

And, yet, I still can’t just let it go and move on. It still upsets me almost every day. It’s honestly exhausting.",0.9618421052631588,3.1083979035087737,3.434298245614034,87.36092105263157,83.12280701754386,6.60701754385965,23.535087719298247,7.793537801064563,1.338750877192982,427,16,89,8,12,148,82,114,0.128,0.732,0.14,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,5,0,11,2,0,0,1,16,16,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,3,1,0,4,0,11,6,16,9,1,26,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,5,12,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543247856119042,0.0,0.3486621526372777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539729520579443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227692515591567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583353433101444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747896850979065,0.1466826149734953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911975065587522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450542824333805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788449388132204,0.14602269462677744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395170577051967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560480326379881,0.12296850479280898,0.0,0.17448900826093425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896103323186834,0.18503551999037596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324071546413858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645761246896357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28802650122688783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170976713488643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566103643525925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653238640781705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782144614066066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121115246695324
bpd,Parano1dandro1d4242,2018/12/08,My FP just gave up on me I feel like the whole world is going to end. I feel betrayed but at the same time i know its my fault. That im just too much for anyone. I tried so hard to become the person he wanted me to be but i got pushed too far and couldnt do it. So he left me. I want to die.,-2.3867142857142842,-0.8706714571428549,0.633928571428573,106.10232142857143,92.14285714285714,3.5,10.178571428571429,3.1291,-2.216428571428572,218,1,64,0,8,76,50,70,0.188,0.768,0.044000000000000004,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,12,5,1,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,11,1,8,8,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363644344169575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900533182539523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27256764634388914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23261151919050174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655864298221965,0.18762235333243765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925822695191726,0.0,0.21004856329566807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352641780402276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836846039664717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433414026280147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853473948154884,0.0,0.0,0.12830736146426908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930626808906155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293176878198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314119883550315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783079877244898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30981101391781024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932161233591796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,14bigman88,2018/12/08,"Road Rage Does anyone else have fits of rage when driving? I feel like it’s a place where I can really go crazy because I know no one is listening. I’m a great driver and I usually never let these fits interfere with my driving skills but damn I freak myself out sometimes with the things I say to myself.  

I just wanna know if anyone else yells and cusses when behind the wheel. ",2.652650375939849,4.761356407894741,3.704812030075189,87.83868421052631,77.02631578947368,6.448120300751881,20.06766917293233,7.447530270364453,0.6147879699248122,301,7,59,4,7,97,57,76,0.201,0.743,0.055999999999999994,-0.879,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,3,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,10,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,0,4,10,2,7,9,0,13,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,5,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30735648866246285,0.4503898344663139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397842706068802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923346613702106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672030452777632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111295108104008,0.15701389831467502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249084432265528,0.0,0.0,0.2423128902341536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415753306580179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474426671025646,0.0,0.10737547338125188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951114797052244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893148277118404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296277423744615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079940607219527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478124173195253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737222401340087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601487685803427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420612792147484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hitmynameisbobler,2018/12/08,How to get over spacing out There are times where I subconsciously space out and don't remember important details in a conversation and this has led me to forget to do important things that later effect my life in varying degrees of importance. Sometimes I have to ask people twice or three times about important details and makes me look like an asshole when in reality I just forget really easily or blank out as they tell me again. It's driving me crazy! I have a lot of remorse for those who have to deal with me. ,10.784090909090917,7.770395464646466,10.272601010101011,65.4955681818182,59.0,13.940404040404045,41.921717171717184,12.161744961471696,4.967644444444444,417,17,75,10,4,136,71,99,0.131,0.794,0.075,-0.397,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,4,0,18,11,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,11,1,18,11,1,17,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,3,6,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879748310047497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175746259430865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093763471753278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757701636837876,0.15049226868590354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25867513187755525,0.0,0.0,0.2618836951262684,0.0,0.0,0.2056183874854428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135554184688582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733763570193635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489480756339729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046583927497629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692396149508501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464738723187004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592399715654959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,conhaha22,2018/12/08,"I had a bad episoide today I have always had BPD but was diagnosed with it when the military was dissecting my Anxiety/depression issues due to my service related injury.

I'm starting to notice the more I read about BPD the more it makes sense, but I have to be realistic and just surround myself around good people



My Dad has always brought me down as a kid, he was never compassionate or anything like that. He has been verbually and physically abusive towards me at times.



To keep this short, I have a new born and he's 5 weeks old the best thing that happened to me. And my Dad suggested that we go ATV'ing for the day so I can get out and get fresh air.



I accidentally pinched his finger with the winch hook(it wasn't that bad) and he freaked right out on me, started yelling and getting irate. I didn't say anything, I didn't ask him why he would put his hand in such a dangerous place.
I did what I thought was best at the time, I calmly said that I am sorry for doing that to you but I can't go anymore as I have to be alone for awhile. Well he freaked out even more, came up to my face and yelled that I'm acting like a 5 year old and to grow up. So I just took my stuff and proceeded to go into my garage. 


He came inside my garage and started yelling at me, I knew my wife and child we're in the other room and I didn't want any of this in my house. I -without thinking twice- pushed him out of my garage and proceeded to go inside the house. 

He bitched and complained to my wife for a good 5 minutes (she knows what's wrong with me, but my dad would never understand).

I went through thoughts of self harm, leaving my wife to not put her or my son through this. I just cried for over an hour as a 30 year old man. 


I'm going to tell him sorry again but he is one toxic guy for me as our emotions always spirial out of control.


I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do. I just took a bunch of Ativan so I can shut my mind up and may go play with some Lego or with my son.


I need help, and I don't know where to go.

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bpd,n1c0L33_,2018/12/08,DAE crave a relationship but is afraid to get into one? All of my past relationships have been negatively affected due to my BPD and all ended in a very toxic manner- we just hurt each other back and forth. I want to be with someone but I know it will never work because of my BPD. I don’t want to go into another relationship because I’m too scared. I wish I never had BPD so I could have a normal relationship.,2.8492857142857133,4.553011071428575,5.244761904761905,78.83357142857143,75.19047619047619,8.133333333333335,25.095238095238088,8.841846274778883,1.9119952380952383,326,11,65,7,7,115,58,84,0.124,0.8,0.077,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,3,0,9,0,0,1,4,21,16,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,10,0,10,11,3,10,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487140458519914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905332680518293,0.0,0.1729082765137354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358642646064726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132343267123936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561330618175567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409679579698257,0.0,0.08060142261012639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182472486407952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794235047518687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187656706267447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895667534342612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610310618490807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538634197248173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090603884735935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141989816836151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016638145470725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701903609441584,0.16730205746116436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308974097411352,0.0,0.0,0.10324901679387023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brokenradiobrain,2018/12/08,"I just need help My thoughts are so convoluted and my anxiety so high that I can't figure out what has been corrupted by my disease, and what is me working frkm wise mind and trying to make good decisions. How do I figure it out? Thinking about certain subjects puts me STRAIGHT in emotion mind so I don't know how to sort through and figure out what is actually me trying to make better decisions, and what is my anxiety screaming to cut things off for no reason. Follow uo questions welcome. I can't think straight.",6.402733333333337,6.766542340000001,6.604000000000003,77.40033333333336,65.6,9.466666666666667,36.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,3.374966666666668,414,20,76,7,6,133,62,100,0.10800000000000001,0.716,0.175,0.8544,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,5,1,29,18,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,11,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,12,5,13,16,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,0,54,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.20467446083528432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208986627349629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854966046332817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592751328212325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759186512347719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058325422504706,0.22160017570676427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152667606614968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800040726789421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235520663392372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555183945561525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084506083048052,0.23495505200830355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564604665798712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934089890692528,0.2687838450381788,0.0,0.16650889215219455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847972642875664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526920811953531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Magnus_Jaeger,2018/12/08,"UPDATE after being honest to my FP best friend about my true feelings. [https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/a3i03m/my\_fp\_is\_my\_best\_friend\_and\_its\_killing\_me/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/a3i03m/my_fp_is_my_best_friend_and_its_killing_me/)

So I was honest about my feelings 2 days ago and she told me that she would try to see me in this way.

We met up today because she wanted to speak to me and it went bad, she was my only friend and now I'm alone, again.

The worst part is that although I want to cry about it no matter how much I try not single tear will come out, all I feel is this fucking empty feeling I always feel but now it's just bigger. For some reason I feel some sort of harmony and it's even worse than being depressed. 

I just hope I get over her soon enough unlike my previous FP's but I think it's clear that it will be the worse one yet... ",7.0414307692307725,9.975846886666666,3.935333333333337,87.39946153846157,66.8,5.415384615384616,18.2051282051282,5.8734145424116955,-0.3973025641025645,723,10,124,3,13,191,95,150,0.147,0.69,0.163,-0.0764,0,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,0,1,13,11,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,2,3,32,28,9,0,4,5,0,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,5,8,23,7,16,17,9,18,0,1,1,1,11,5,1,4,10,91,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151545766848086,0.0,0.0,0.15366003663151825,0.0,0.0,0.12345047359185335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387748233325142,0.0904411271491419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569853725470656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737177426638341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780218020218412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297054465728406,0.09568230494500037,0.0,0.12778542708387014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329934982839225,0.0,0.09799281667956747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501028309284192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292508346495068,0.1371598388649474,0.07751390350000467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735861844139342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906438163233984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053507467823626,0.11283727025569855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066341617935367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254258121198128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182266506328059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950654606138739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406314285231094,0.14176786188005716,0.0,0.2014584106215384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501749431822305,0.1177641897813732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753462517777654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023905462940241,0.10539330720038664,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Frownyface770,2018/12/08,"Take responsibility. Im going to get hate for this but thats ok, i might be wrong. Bpd gets a bad rep because people with bpd who have bad coping mechanisms do shitty shitty things, i was guilty of this and still am at times. We abandon people for seemingly no reason as far as their concerned, we are on top of the world now but 10 mins later we wanna kill ourselves,  etc. A lot of our bpd driven behaviour is not fair to other people and if you dont know how to check yourself you will come off as a piece of garbage a lot of the time. We are NOT at fault for how we feel, even when we split, but we are responsible for how we act, just because we feel or want to feel a certain way it doesn't mean we have to act accordingly to such feelings. This is easier said than done. Its our problems, its our responsibility to deal with them without hurting other people and its not always easy, you have to be careful  about what you say and do but it is possible to go about your day without proving the haters right. Stop seeking validation like and take responsibility for your actions. Im half way through a book that im finding surprisingly helpful with all of this, titled ""The subtle art of not giving a fuck"".. i have no idea if any of this makes sense to you but hopefully it will. Hope i dont come off as an insensitive pos.",4.3447802653399625,5.095142093283581,5.450995024875624,82.50038971807629,70.23134328358209,8.045107794361526,27.202321724709787,8.167268648758528,1.5623699834162514,1043,33,218,14,18,346,151,268,0.192,0.672,0.136,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,13,7,2,2,11,18,4,0,12,1,23,1,0,5,3,62,48,21,1,7,15,0,4,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,18,20,0,2,11,2,1,8,11,11,0,1,4,6,26,7,42,39,5,28,0,2,0,1,28,9,1,9,10,155,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518498135221977,0.0,0.0,0.0696191482731981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095926350847682,0.12481484283559367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868167291734863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437909150877894,0.0,0.0,0.1763756107293625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602401048233109,0.10554509648168886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476612845861777,0.2399676731139889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417623241986495,0.06761834133661282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705740066516284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356975238376383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464490476248,0.10697440410016222,0.098208328061929,0.11636520932656493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107504354715824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862043306462791,0.0,0.0,0.20336481179521926,0.0,0.0,0.1095955587236566,0.1155699724490685,0.3317507416249471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132638068351476,0.0,0.05626313801135144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500157119638661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407272251049888,0.0,0.0,0.0683367333933336,0.0,0.0,0.111517408716617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860469159047956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838983395420577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154134875171483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795994623001754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525951466920586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742849144416043,0.09738296062990842,0.0814134547478376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319920873312673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817575561112296,0.08559086802877837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539479286524462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680140239982025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939246514535602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060383980539034224,0.16252250831620227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737350134525197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119320166578678,0.0,0.0
bpd,geinsghost,2018/12/08,"Lack of hobbies? BPD or just me? Things have been really shitty lately in my life. I’ve lost a lot of interests in things I used to care about doing. Hanging out with friends, listening to new music, etc.
But my issue is this, my boyfriend brought up to me a few weeks ago that I don’t really have any hobbies, and he’s right. I don’t. I always thought hanging out with friends was a hobby, and listening to music was, but I’ve never really had anything that drives me and is fun for me to do for the sole purpose of making //me// happy. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it BPD, or just me?
It’s taking a very big toll on my relationship. My boyfriend is very driven, very focused, and also very understanding. But I’m worried my lack of hobbies/life skills are going to keep causing us turmoil, or break us up. Like said, he’s very understanding and helpful with my
BPD, but a NT can only understand so much, we live together and sometimes conversations are dead ends because I’ve done nothing but work and sleep all day... I don’t know how to find hobbies, I’m in my early 20s and out of school so making new friends is really hard. I feel very stuck. Advice is helpful, inputs are helpful, anything to feel less like I’m in an endless slump. ",2.2002710843373485,4.370922927710844,3.6209086345381536,87.58148343373495,78.75903614457832,6.238353413654619,24.832831325301214,7.333567415737692,1.1842783132530124,975,36,195,13,24,320,132,249,0.094,0.742,0.16399999999999998,0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,0,4,7,11,0,1,7,0,22,2,1,5,2,45,47,20,1,2,10,0,4,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,8,15,0,1,9,0,0,6,4,2,0,0,11,7,23,9,29,36,8,29,0,1,0,0,16,12,0,4,11,120,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958269971072483,0.08126340430827812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331160567945919,0.0762800504624444,0.0,0.0,0.062341413464353186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641005407399034,0.09393077093860032,0.15087966031317515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055883574538770825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463803026389033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346767753100274,0.09417437497595628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912209841898305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802244706172192,0.09381425503323244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658180201782906,0.0,0.0811958883704674,0.0,0.10224066064636317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905927477452235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378830775439199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248114397808046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210040489885002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975885991338532,0.08212183130139712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843413010310487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568376134278556,0.0,0.08148399778925841,0.0,0.0,0.050381592371734736,0.0,0.10341218181443074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475200521122029,0.08957449944712285,0.0,0.08094975639887868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007291977540356,0.07793789378396059,0.0,0.0,0.12238611522678372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673908839108673,0.0,0.07070458342127263,0.17707849840465595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796360467019539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972215187773217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349146583333468,0.0,0.0,0.09842348875408807,0.0,0.07828903209640913,0.08720289695570944,0.0,0.0,0.0927789075747649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174013203590507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066785713052766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892738355862409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218081661903562,0.0,0.0,0.07277885734393875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28630737075762,0.22054489146630368,0.07917683823579402,0.0,0.4538435400240376,0.0,0.0727664955655936,0.07353529392990693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673971012135675,0.09309932203748184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lipbanging,2018/12/08,Does anyone want to talk to me? I am so fucking bored. ,-2.337500000000002,-0.6425264166666658,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,104.83333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,41,1,10,0,2,14,11,12,0.20600000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.1,-0.3338,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39691940510974816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967610067727348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247903206051997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562616907532293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33481917051978816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,etcc7,2018/12/08,"Going through breakup and can’t stop thinking about suicide I’m aware of the fact that breakups are hard and as time goes on you get better at coping. But I feel like I don’t have the energy to get through it. It’s been a shit year, I was diagnosed with ms, lost my step dad, ended up in an abusive relationship. 
It all feels too much, almost like my head won’t let me process it all. Losing my bf is killing me, I had to end it because I couldn’t take being shouted at anymore, but I feel pathetic for being close to begging for him back. 
Everyone around me just tells me the same things and it feels like no one can give me the support I need and I don’t even know what can help. 
I’ve always had problems with jealousy but the idea of him ever being with anyone else is just ruining me. 
Because I don’t have much confidence, it felt amazing being with someone who I was 100% comfortable with but the arguing never stopped. I feel like I can be controlling unintentionally and offended so easily that I mess up and overreact to things. I feel like I’ll be alone forever cause no one can understand my moods and I end up pushing everyone away because of the way I feel. 
I want stability and love but I always end up making my relationship unstable by breaking up with them every time I feel vulnerable about getting hurt even if nothing’s happened. They end up not being able to cope with that. 
Any advice or just similar experiences would be nice cause I’ve never spoke to anyone with bpd and would love to hear how others cope ",5.374545297670405,5.7983451672131165,6.145936151855048,79.59075927523729,67.81967213114754,9.437446074201901,31.46246764452114,9.414487439383343,2.6830000000000003,1216,47,241,23,19,400,167,305,0.17300000000000001,0.655,0.171,0.6459999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,2,4,14,23,4,0,9,0,31,5,2,5,6,64,60,19,2,7,11,1,10,5,1,3,1,3,0,0,15,19,0,3,13,0,0,3,11,10,0,2,8,13,35,12,38,39,5,32,0,4,0,2,18,13,1,3,19,166,50,0,0.08583284572609277,0.10169788669462032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387486345151257,0.0,0.0,0.08594919646580472,0.08889694234035933,0.0,0.0,0.14283960714003904,0.0,0.0,0.058369278427438484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512311898662228,0.12003264288950315,0.0879458937028128,0.0,0.07640943031626679,0.0,0.0,0.08064278400416748,0.06600016021798852,0.0,0.1569687182488654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591217691250653,0.0,0.0,0.1081034644708058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634795261242214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626883499682556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711853164477561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170232877394726,0.0,0.3801121238748447,0.0,0.0,0.1133835701864734,0.0776407229824069,0.07231787446451403,0.16403392475415346,0.0,0.08396099315191538,0.0,0.0,0.3471973263005101,0.24527600854773676,0.08241299228471129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453235781546113,0.08233868679411563,0.0487807842448445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590170200825773,0.0,0.07688937048152178,0.0,0.08808926249156268,0.0,0.09673985527452188,0.0,0.05753194721146335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188583658692234,0.0968948352148692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496132660182928,0.0,0.04717148728822148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776990010814795,0.0,0.2096679641863248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602499917585222,0.09369669041522828,0.0,0.15493498881167062,0.0,0.05729409102513702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619403532497078,0.06364396752185868,0.13239916410211378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235893039883667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632511527101518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213044138085282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430470852805306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810618268669787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727258916456061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352020473485785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388720198975707,0.09740209616472964,0.0,0.0,0.06453561795657174,0.0,0.07502169040042178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140470575176486,0.05499822176287182,0.0,0.0,0.10009964518469112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935501945874788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050626436261599614,0.06813011774726158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194638187832865,0.0,0.0,0.05527353850721519
bpd,RTL90,2018/12/08,"Are there any antidepressants that are better than others in terms of treating BPD? Just wondering so I can do more research and then take this information to my doctor at our next appointment. I'm currently on Effexor, and have been so for 2 years....and while it helps immensely with my anxiety, I also feel like it makes my mood much worse.  I stay on it for 2 reasons:    anxiety relief, and relief of my IBS symptoms (which was incidentally discovered).

​

But then a thought occurred to me the other day that maybe I should try something else, ever since my doctor mentioned that there are BETTER antidepressants for BPD.   I am aware that there are medications like Lamotrigine and Abilify, but I've been warned by others to proceed with caution when it comes to these medications, due to their side effects. 

​

Any opinions?   What has worked for you?  SSRI's?  Tricyclics?  

​

Thank you. 

​",5.585113871635613,8.46801922981367,5.379850931677018,75.60898964803314,70.98757763975155,8.268488612836439,31.23022774327121,9.029198982220553,3.1247065010351966,740,33,117,16,15,229,107,161,0.046,0.8440000000000001,0.11,0.8582,1,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,2,1,4,9,9,0,0,2,0,13,5,0,3,1,20,21,13,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,15,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,15,8,19,16,3,18,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,13,84,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754405745412858,0.0,0.420252553768912,0.4712995373053466,0.13188106037638894,0.0,0.14835818058060948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151793985507285,0.0,0.0,0.24425176923326944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352803483117438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253535649806116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849859818717444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100304993422214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877117308211912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902916481278812,0.06927287128531176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649945862633751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474584640694424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472587704754339,0.0,0.09741586036985957,0.0,0.0,0.1953670504652211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128151846404017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312494945433953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996976891673861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021167265713845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464953214730546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335336378829046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078529848302337,0.07290672385764245,0.0,0.0,0.08927370512039201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769805523016318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583387354115462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515600911941114,0.07059275087699253,0.0,0.09881712519890734,0.0,0.0,0.4712995373053466,0.0
bpd,VirginiaParker88,2018/12/08,My FP left me Now what? ,-6.585000000000001,-9.003652833333332,-2.619999999999997,119.19000000000004,160.66666666666669,1.2000000000000002,3.0,3.1291,-3.6434,17,0,6,0,2,6,6,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scarlettkat,2018/12/08,"Does anyone else not have friends? I love this sub, it helps me to not feel like I'm some kind of nut a lot of the time. One thing that gets to me though is that I personally don't have any actual friends, I haven't for years. I have acquaintances, but no one I can interact outside of small passings, in class, at a meeting, etc. At the beginning and end of every day (at least at school) I end up unbearably, awfully alone. I understand the struggles with relationships (I have been through similar, although not as frequently), but (this may sound quite terrible, I know) I am somewhat jealous of people who have those things to begin with. I don't even know how to make any kind relationship.

This is what really, truly gets to me. It sits on my shoulders and chest, not letting me breathe. Does anyone else have similar experiences?

Feel free to comment whatever comes to mind.",3.277432634730541,5.69369037724551,4.0961938622754515,84.28524887724551,76.36526946107784,8.246856287425151,27.802769461077844,9.017664075816787,2.4683535928143714,691,29,134,17,16,221,105,167,0.142,0.797,0.06,-0.9053,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,1,5,1,16,4,3,2,0,23,29,8,0,0,6,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,12,5,0,0,5,0,1,2,8,3,0,2,1,3,16,8,24,26,5,19,0,0,0,1,11,8,0,4,9,93,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.13189670266212158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998504003943427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382692503537995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189014086183004,0.2769748683628868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642840718326446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716704474638841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655892490450456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258177413102039,0.0,0.2394233568860877,0.0,0.1507391733342192,0.08927193216386688,0.0,0.11387816370243965,0.0,0.0,0.13221245499222908,0.0,0.0,0.13668195537501596,0.09655836008906077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884862434623672,0.0,0.14123108549142854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905949262361408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28149676682284464,0.14856084726692428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821029899830609,0.0,0.0660323686932576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490823324235143,0.12198721374055838,0.0,0.09022037670845247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647311132001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317588310809665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370295399167863,0.11801653418166153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437593404727284,0.0,0.0,0.0865869830490939,0.0,0.0,0.2902226029774545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678917704811866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129862094055978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795886505506908,0.0,0.13279405375199302,0.0,0.07881290666591623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407063690533531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703863482086166
bpd,alcoholic_dinosaur,2018/12/08,"Do you sometimes feel 'normal' for long periods of time and then snap all of the sudden? I was diagnosed as BPD a few years ago during a bad breakup. It was something I had long suspected but had always resisted therapy of any kind. I was put on antidepressants for a time and while they did help me disconnect from the thing that was causing the major emotional pain, they also made me want to do nothing but sleep so I eventually stopped taking them after only a couple months.

For the past year or so I've been doing...better. I've been more emotionally stable overall and haven't noticed needing to fight off my BPD traits as much as I have needed to in the past. It seemed like somehow I worked through them and learned some self control and how to regulate myself from flying off the handle. I'm not perfect with it, but most people within mental health communities generally didn't guess that I have BPD because I seem to control it alright.

That brings me to today, though. I haven't been sleeping very well for the past week or so and I was talking about taking some Ativan to at least make me sleepy because I've become kind of desperate. I ended up snapping at someone I care about so much just because they said that I shouldn't do it (I actually had come to that conclusion on my own and didn't take them prior to the conversation with this person). It was vicious, and it was like I couldn't stop myself from lashing out. I just don't know why this time I couldn't control it. I thought I was doing so well with regulating myself and this just makes me feel like I'm a screwed up kid again and I can't control myself. I know he just wanted to help me and I completely overreacted and hurt him.

I don't know what I'm really asking here. I guess I just needed to get it out because I feel really guilty about how I acted and I know even with apology I can't undo the damage it causes. I'm even more terrified that the control I've had over lashing out will lessen more and I'll just get worse. I don't want to do that do the people I care about. ",4.281437474034068,5.296847240963854,5.259950145409223,82.83963855421688,70.56626506024097,8.037390943082675,27.32239302035729,8.326086129247049,1.7556655587868717,1635,54,326,24,29,537,191,415,0.12,0.746,0.134,0.2388,0,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,1,6,8,26,18,3,0,16,1,37,6,2,12,2,81,73,33,0,11,12,0,3,3,0,2,3,1,0,3,22,22,0,7,13,0,0,4,13,7,2,0,21,4,51,11,50,48,13,42,0,2,0,1,20,14,1,10,27,232,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.07390011736539523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712876906541344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056007484994995,0.06301220008413913,0.0,0.0,0.051497994494352176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079594917268173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323015599364508,0.18465362615288905,0.08363620723429009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861322823302681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544205585150476,0.1555881130861418,0.0,0.06523341965227311,0.07939991867316802,0.0,0.4246799059549197,0.0,0.08379217359474203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686285977607185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036879784728934,0.06707299658287827,0.0,0.0,0.10003595436718926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487185433839694,0.05410047407683167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913005846852042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684701810807248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049588186955997,0.0,0.0,0.10151846932384016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106895329440737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771921273481282,0.16647366958144794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099139776482476,0.0,0.0,0.1340347248730623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165616230215366,0.10109875823938301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631654262790807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060445786928692666,0.0,0.11133836003239804,0.16845522733918306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741978767519411,0.07266356306790056,0.08621742873032458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057594956450368474,0.08058049087911415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168743406693542,0.10500124957950024,0.06612322788253149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612808494864386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702726573893564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203516984555554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788081173823474,0.079001368353715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156643239080908,0.0,0.06416453429723569,0.05829951904475525,0.07489744854746481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662487720234708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081528097089732,0.06086772062076735,0.0,0.0,0.0866021692413118,0.0,0.05031066768661677,0.0,0.074402892260605,0.060119990653508135,0.13247373743919486,0.0,0.07178178790560152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248396484951722,0.13399994000831827,0.0,0.060744855650542426,0.0,0.13617807893611444,0.0,0.0683332158598416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551312688209988,0.0,0.07717383762182907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753337572149416
bpd,Ether_World,2018/12/08,"I want to die. I just don’t have the energy to end my life. Third post in a week I think. I’m so done with my life. I’ve been a walking corpse for weeks now. Nothing is interesting or captivating or fun or positive and I’m sick and tired of hearing the same generic things like, “it gets better.” You work until you die. That’s not better. That’s empty and meaningless. Finding happiness “in the small things” seems so pathetic and unappealing and even disgusting. I just want to die.",0.5932589285714265,3.097546093750001,2.5717857142857166,88.83750000000002,93.27083333333334,6.492857142857144,20.39880952380952,7.7094869923839395,1.1850559523809523,379,13,78,9,14,126,65,96,0.281,0.516,0.20199999999999999,-0.9301,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,2,0,3,6,7,1,0,5,0,5,4,0,0,0,18,13,11,3,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,8,6,9,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,6,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151814882169865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547857775381579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234580410998996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781961440820616,0.0,0.0,0.11768995385258232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285847334264636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309465770006006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896819579788416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082819908103816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25171561515447005,0.08705251735810048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097395508090066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706526158150981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221354085418502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367572817507933,0.11417418186076253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479821432232925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019704839243705,0.0,0.28585959132465394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129721289198912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gothophile,2018/12/08,"BPD confessions I saw a post like this a couple days ago so I thought I'd make one too. I forgot the user who posted it but yeah, S/O to that person. Anyway, here are my confessions. Hopefully someone can relate, and maybe have a laugh with me. 

​

\- My ""friends"" (3 at best) believe they mean something to me, when I really wouldn't give a second thought about it if they died tomorrow. I could ignore them for days on end and not feel bad about it. 

\- I never enjoy spending time with people. Majority of the conversations I have, I'm thinking ""when is this going to end?"" Especially when it comes to my friends. 

\- Seeing people happy pisses me off beyond belief. The fucking audacity you have to have to show me that you're mentally stable. 

\- I usually only keep people in my life out of my own self interest. I will tolerate anyone's bullshit just as long as I still get some type of benefit from having them around. Once I feel they're not valuable to me anymore, I dump them from my life completely. 

\- I hit and kick my cat whenever he does something that annoys me. I do feel bad about it afterwards, but in the moment I struggle to hold myself back. I always feel the need to hurt things that annoy me. (Nothing rough enough to make him bleed or bruise, but I make sure he feels the slap.) 

\- There's only one human on this planet who makes me feel joy, but they have BPD too so they don't give a shit about me. I stalk them obsessively on social media whenever I can. As much as I care for them, I also hate them dearly and would wish any type on pain on them. 

\- I'm too much of a coward to self harm, but I have thought about faking cuts just to get people's attention and pity. ",1.7754464285714278,4.094105413690478,3.3605476190476185,88.06778571428573,81.17261904761905,6.220952380952381,20.61190476190476,7.447530270364453,0.7408640476190479,1313,37,264,20,35,433,182,336,0.17600000000000002,0.665,0.159,-0.7742,0,0,2,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,11,1,23,33,8,2,12,1,17,7,2,4,2,53,51,22,1,7,11,0,7,1,2,3,4,0,0,4,15,10,0,4,15,1,1,2,5,18,0,3,5,9,52,15,43,41,7,33,3,2,2,1,29,12,3,4,18,179,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254577351061475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446849230139473,0.07748378033689858,0.10089610697600744,0.11315169439720064,0.06332518604116458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235059078095582,0.06511207305260522,0.0,0.0,0.08289705681546382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160397622092393,0.15550358537354536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491500270298704,0.09772430115826004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456421541405106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494263507308394,0.0,0.0,0.08021513218412027,0.0976351539705712,0.0,0.0,0.07434920396138905,0.10303614798557886,0.0,0.12011013781928173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664445775522088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149044502807466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495438428830392,0.09621844940962926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825073721140858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388945459019492,0.08608847351037884,0.09730331682172283,0.17865948663745962,0.0529225702417896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991285864761713,0.0,0.09193729161444944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924897449953182,0.0,0.0,0.09968750433754944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276984804544274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154763579056833,0.04549401053664496,0.0,0.0,0.08240878088460163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24863483469212655,0.0,0.09355213650353543,0.10143560829121816,0.0,0.0,0.09384364007535786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690867832422104,0.06904772839927678,0.071820330183487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935170572891613,0.0,0.0,0.0991703760680068,0.12620182678726016,0.14164479095015434,0.09908686010613277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582323342671463,0.0813092965739248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836754496280324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965542652983759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420504402345286,0.0,0.19429014265999164,0.0,0.09558693477679203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492470196105103,0.07890076325327101,0.14337754026613325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436621359827413,0.0,0.0,0.09734984640252048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776504239626715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061865174020701276,0.05966790611257389,0.0,0.2217820109486404,0.054299357682271315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255916030291803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708406865430957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615018660108997,0.0,0.11315169439720064,0.0
bpd,Terkaza,2019/02/13,"Helping people with BPD having a dissociation Hi so I wanted to know if there is any particular method when someone with BDP is dissociating. I have thought about just leaving the person alone, asking to exteriorize the problems. I mean methodes outside physical things like moving in a quiet place etc. Just about things you can say or not, things you can do or not. Thanks",3.9876492537313446,7.1695954328358225,4.935951492537313,74.59109141791048,79.74626865671641,6.932089552238806,26.285447761194035,8.07648339933343,2.189628358208956,302,12,49,6,8,98,52,67,0.10300000000000001,0.828,0.068,-0.3412,0,1,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,13,5,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,7,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,2,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312130232700316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181329049122094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087026126528628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811674753734665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489756046932728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963546663331204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226888338441975,0.0,0.0,0.23638271854808865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906553725275613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24317770590769516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23727259675352874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476899014098572,0.19492768410328806,0.2332420272671037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136139574009597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753225602568226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915356180653706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553269574857147,0.0,0.0,0.4449393466663996,0.0,0.0,0.17723046683714033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167484816986436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,opalexx,2019/02/13,"anxiety? i was diagnosed with GAD nearly 5 years ago and have been on zoloft ever since. currently, i am at 200mg. last year i was diagnosed with BP2 and take 100mg of lamictal. this previous november, i was hospitalized and then diagnosed with BPD on top of it all. i am starting to wonder what my life would be like without the zoloft, or if i even have anxiety at all now that i am treating BP2 and BPD. but my panic attacks were so frequent, debilitating and basically traumatizing that im terrified to go off the zoloft, since thats the only thing that has helped my anxiety level out. any thoughts?",5.1653205128205135,6.248344623931622,6.553066239316242,74.12908653846156,68.57264957264958,10.978205128205133,32.57371794871795,10.9516,3.8356846153846167,479,21,91,15,8,163,77,117,0.191,0.784,0.026000000000000002,-0.9691,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,3,0,13,7,0,0,3,19,18,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,0,10,2,15,10,2,20,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,3,11,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172540941664444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872498416790702,0.0,0.3669270050325005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188842399927554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027306069132113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868294364261104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560030212425986,0.14462207867690266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086440911398393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716527971972943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269958541348515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032485940782354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292911646053262,0.07811008359479511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159717654450344,0.0,0.18758663263942005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645114564544422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316503353546313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202110807197498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621824405810873,0.0,0.0,0.12692814732220806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412017628193486,0.17338479678641042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357531561347994,0.0,0.0,0.20591704269813774
bpd,prettykittythekitten,2019/02/13,"I did a scribble Yeah

*Processing img 7yk5f5qtkeg21...*",4.552916666666668,-6.387064875,1.1550000000000011,89.1566666666667,260.25,5.533333333333334,38.833333333333336,5.46131890053228,4.177933333333334,43,3,6,1,6,11,8,8,0.0,0.6940000000000001,0.306,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PheebDweeb,2019/02/13,"Sister (31) diagnosed with BPD this week, how can I (34f) support her and my family with this? After years of doctors visits, medications, different jobs and moving around a lot, my sister (31) was diagnosed with BPD on Monday this week. She was upset and shocked at first (although she and my family (parents and another sister) were aware from her family doctor that she may have a personality disorder). 

She was previously diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and then about 8 years ago (I think) she was told she had depression with psychosis. I have clinical depression (depression and other mental health disorders run in the family). 

She is coming to terms with it but I recognize that it's early days and she will go up and down a lot. She is in the care of a psychiatry consultant and has been told to stop smoking cannabis (she smokes it a lot) and she is in withdrawal from duloxetine (under medical guidance). She will start dialectical therapy soon. 

I would love some advice on how best to be helpful at this time and in the future. Are there any books, websites, movies, tv programmes that could help me help her? 

I live in another City but can visit often. I call her and we chat on whatsapp. I don't want to be too in her face but would love to know more about this and the struggles she will face so that I can be a pilar of support and not a nuisance. ",5.8851659418631295,6.905404630350192,6.605493247882809,74.63066605630581,66.8988326848249,10.560677500572217,31.070954451819638,10.59048541779884,3.4241491874570835,1078,41,195,29,17,355,139,257,0.069,0.79,0.141,0.9802,3,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,0,2,10,13,0,2,11,0,28,13,2,2,0,44,41,24,0,4,4,4,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,1,13,25,0,1,2,3,0,6,2,7,0,1,9,0,32,6,34,22,7,38,0,4,0,2,36,15,0,6,17,154,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266620279161826,0.08406055106047035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448725123331217,0.19887381125987105,0.07254423975902233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441828068039038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951761620243757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886864666955324,0.0,0.09683143106600003,0.0,0.09668490443487443,0.0,0.0,0.08168714069798534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571356824341816,0.0,0.0,0.06115712497224056,0.0,0.32670573052317475,0.28874956768077603,0.0,0.09907655095197718,0.21736544099271865,0.1941238405912656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575869158818941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066184844571289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538937395442689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079922933578762,0.0,0.0,0.190686465571754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410355787420613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052115764212952005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837361071569998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24186172197949915,0.17117449140217306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106130979088595,0.09556574204541936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007886563035139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529683847130483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280138383419976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712074510084604,0.0,0.0,0.07928163367051701,0.0,0.09913628991792912,0.0,0.0,0.2152225833606832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084456957994117,0.0,0.0,0.060762857444208035,0.0,0.0,0.05529579207849277,0.0,0.0,0.18122713183027328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593284347874218,0.0,0.15213286676231333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472818539220574,0.0,0.0,0.1221340629968574
bpd,CamRhi357,2019/02/13,"Medication side effects I just started Paxil last week and today I had to stay home from work because of a massive migraine. Has anyone else taken this and had bad side effects? I’m not even sure if this is a side effect, but my bf seems to think so. 

I’ve done some googling, but I’d like to hear first hand accounts, if possible! 
Also I know you’re not supposed to drink alcohol with these, but how terrible is it actually? I went out over the weekend, but I didn’t drink excessively. 

Thanks!",3.3908163265306115,5.1233163979591865,4.599744897959184,83.90329081632655,73.79591836734693,7.348979591836735,28.5765306122449,8.07648339933343,1.9061591836734693,389,16,77,6,8,128,74,98,0.079,0.7979999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.7553,0,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,3,0,7,6,1,4,1,22,16,11,0,2,9,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,4,4,3,0,6,3,1,1,3,2,0,1,6,2,6,3,9,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,7,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.19364409709543426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206684413383511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868853030863864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387504816969837,0.2033202772310883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568507470769395,0.1209642351952401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306806971757055,0.0,0.3887818346367888,0.0,0.0,0.16576711828863167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310645554507965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878885056419513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365085355977302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990466506002665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905477753462407,0.1617511448250856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694539860813993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999025529931756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237058338825385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806479221394213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045343161468635,0.2115054839852808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870227952779185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826924399608849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714924171253633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809333465801906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917272049083256,0.0,0.0,0.1839513866303202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446316397282333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mibcomix,2019/02/13,"Creative outlets for dealing with BPD Hi everyone. I make a comic strip that helps me to deal with a BPD spouse. I have found that making the strip helps me because the format requires me to boil down the essentials of many exchanges into short and simple truths. 

Here is an example of my work: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriageisbliss/comments/9f70gi/the_apology_protocol/

Do any of you have similar creative outlets?",9.275743589743591,13.038339369230776,6.7888461538461575,65.68532051282051,63.0,7.410256410256411,30.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,2.654333333333334,349,13,47,5,6,100,48,65,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,2,1,9,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,10,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,31,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732837073503828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103099760582405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5827634808659857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770307732974434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106826418050485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536672637350836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101428615824324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30886062793925,0.2345562220375422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842816473395694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pasta4days,2019/02/13,"DAE Really like manipulating people or causing chaos? I know this isn’t a BPD specific thing but I think it relates in my case. Does anyone else get a rush out of manipulating people. Not even in a malicious way but just seeing what you can make people do? I have this issue primarily with men and primarily with men I’m romantically involved with interested in. I see them as a puzzle that I need to figure out so I can get them to do what I want. 
Also chaos; as cliche as it is I love drama. Even if it’s detrimental to my life, friendships, reputation, etc I’m happy as long as the drama continues and I’m only upset when it stops. I don’t care about the consequences. I know this is an unhealthy way to live life but I also don’t have motivation to change because it gives me so much dopamine. ",1.7357289002557543,4.083185875776401,4.301044939715016,81.09440263061747,81.5465838509317,7.2664961636828656,21.89294848374132,8.313332769828598,1.4431407380343435,630,20,126,14,17,221,94,161,0.128,0.6890000000000001,0.183,0.8945,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,1,9,6,0,1,7,0,11,3,0,5,0,27,27,17,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,7,0,1,5,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,17,5,20,27,2,12,0,0,2,1,8,5,0,3,5,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608857933056884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405370450738064,0.1671304527094653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943330623564338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054374592805976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663064734097623,0.16756389590000156,0.17255389632344534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274291543287146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626153722205506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191618921461944,0.2154716566883287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044156673381752,0.1564746393493444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363880429752654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024953793488454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928732527524688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304257026032701,0.0796896825940417,0.0,0.1440334120382035,0.14435152043511484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721753188461975,0.0,0.10888043736261677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990819221399343,0.12094760376304578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405620320970735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392499228556411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449555774700707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599628538065549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637132889539766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836626674985628,0.10451741763527438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620937209484988,0.2589459710473059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soulights83,2019/02/13,"Fantasising/ desperate for attention Does anyone ever just out of the blue start getting a restless feeling and desperately wanting attention from the opposite sex? I get those days where I’m fine them BAM I’m craving Attention. Not from my husband but anyone else. And I can spend hours fantasising about being pursued and flirted at. Not sure if it’s the BPD or just mid 30s hormones? But then when my mood has gone I just feel disgusted and totally not interested anymore. I generally do feel like I have used men like this ( mainly online) over the years to fix that impulsive craving.
This prob makes no sense. Ugh. ",4.077359882005897,7.0221897079646025,4.894889380530972,76.74080014749264,76.6991150442478,8.36843657817109,30.655604719764014,9.075114841892004,3.2784047197640116,499,24,83,13,12,161,86,113,0.19,0.736,0.07400000000000001,-0.924,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,1,1,5,0,5,1,0,2,3,28,17,10,0,2,10,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,6,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,4,8,6,9,15,2,13,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,2,9,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374481711991647,0.3348271524542488,0.24532220943984545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015510973337428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441120801984806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952499576334727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000113135042751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165762709617204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631858675267116,0.17104736163933226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018242369160365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357882828035054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339447860829389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598200030308486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946832178455545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565799131312386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067888584153429,0.0,0.0,0.14122079697922152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418373751445222
bpd,sheebisweebis,2019/02/13,"Has anybody else heard this phrase.... ""I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with you"" or ""I can't say ANYTHING without you getting offended"" it's been a reoccurring phrase in almost all my relationships and it's starting to get real depressing.",4.709666666666667,7.179233244444448,5.317500000000003,76.97625000000005,72.1111111111111,8.055555555555555,35.694444444444436,8.841846274778883,3.498444444444445,196,11,33,4,4,63,39,45,0.059000000000000004,0.8440000000000001,0.09699999999999999,0.163,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,3,5,1,5,7,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32106964916065656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638552952277478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27616246624034624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267849409768624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162122696209809,0.2290617168343143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33503712038193045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664607109693032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36495283990514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442420088784772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549818311071924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269471119867537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090807099448569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MonroeMarx,2019/02/13,"BPD & Surviving Capitalism I have some questions - How do you cope with work? Did you tell your boss? Are they understanding? Have you had to take time off? 

I have been recently diagnosed with BPD (on antidepressants and individual counselling, on the waiting list for DBT) , I've had to take time off work for appointments and generally feeling like i cant cope. I'd like some insight, are yall able to do your jobs successfully with BPD? ",4.0425,6.7563498395061785,4.8204783950617305,78.53590277777779,75.2962962962963,8.988271604938271,28.64351851851852,9.516144504307137,2.9441962962962966,351,15,66,10,8,113,53,81,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.897,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,6,1,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,12,1,0,2,0,15,17,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,10,3,12,13,2,7,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,3,5,40,10,5,0.18255959724567428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197803247343094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6897822657877782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529414835502686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230761766956014,0.13042061274944206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116223085836214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783787955455841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450852964172994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802555781261886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745241946130861,0.0,0.15956513463268726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290393851868827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900509790427401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658111221383205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DPRK_BEST_KOREA,2019/02/13,"Am I the only one who sorta likes having BPD? I'm a 20 year-old guy and exhibit practically the whole range of symptoms. High school shrink (who I was lying to in order to get adderall) said I seemed like ""an extremely strong candidate"" for diagnosis. I have a few close friends, no problems with women (except idealizing them one minute and dumping them for no reason the next), and do well in school with no effort. 

Honestly, I think the way I am is cool. Almost everyone else I meet is so fucking boring. Cereal-eaters who wake up as the same person, doing the same shitty job and coming home to unwind with the same sterile hobbies. Meanwhile, I molt every few weeks and radically change my life philosophy, burning through people and passions at a dizzying rate. I don't think the average person experiences one iota of the passion someone with BPD feels on a constant, cyclical basis. I can lie to myself, and it works. The delusions of grandeur, the manic highs from attracting people I like, the lack of inhibition and reckless fun with drugs and crime. 

I'm sure BPD manifests itself differently in everyone who has it, but for me it's not crippling at all. I love being a chameleon. It almost always makes me the most interesting person in the room, girls fall head over heels like I have some strange aura (it's actually because I'm a manipulative liar and a tryhard, lol). I feel like I understand the way people work. As long as people recognize my greatness, I basically have superpowers. When the ego fuel runs out, it sucks, but that phase rarely lasts for more than a few hours anyway. ",6.5261935140882485,7.449204249158252,7.034261917419816,72.47197767145138,65.43097643097643,9.619634945950736,32.46659578238525,9.682069395223575,3.161697643097644,1270,50,217,25,19,416,186,297,0.10400000000000001,0.75,0.146,0.9153,3,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,2,5,4,25,4,0,25,2,15,10,3,3,2,44,31,17,0,3,4,0,2,5,1,0,3,2,2,6,12,18,0,0,7,1,0,3,5,6,1,3,2,5,23,19,34,28,12,27,0,0,0,4,16,14,2,6,12,144,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.09837423985583574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018896568702377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388047957043814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145172956761846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380893113244719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664168550905702,0.08683731907703425,0.0,0.10893782752636276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532308995705947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690548186183973,0.1031519327598486,0.08421229719540488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493523768447576,0.19265306800669205,0.0,0.09860974153882024,0.0,0.0,0.1019432873653475,0.07201738241948731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788414816414617,0.0931955360481909,0.052668112237895255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114137199619664,0.0,0.0998159451397792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345827366431197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301874936527948,0.10111882180948252,0.0,0.09927574895016404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000365615883056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217211966000161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120379728824076,0.24624891847068914,0.0,0.0,0.0892120651749324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098331635022057,0.0,0.06729024152284595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721064081861156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578122492368144,0.0,0.2049306908017428,0.07666916186777374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27955079043306424,0.26406543771488833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964598117888076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364759643836538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589166200378534,0.0,0.0,0.20404651581147495,0.0,0.09177197905105043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541444198233453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501051463557683,0.10477829557864847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918761985863395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494486836382033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600336787324815,0.08086223963932157,0.0,0.09063865848906837,0.0,0.0,0.1125487305348002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677910823165008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491716142841
bpd,arysarys,2019/02/13,"Anyone else get the feeling that they don’t want to ”get well” from their BPD? Hi, 
I’m a 20 years old male, was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety 8 or so months ago and with BPD 4-5 months ago.  I’ve been on Mirtazapine for my depression for about 4 months and just recently started cutting down on them since I’ve had CBT and felt ”better”. Also I’m very sick and tires of the side effects, mainly having weird fucking dreams and not being able to read a longer text like at all. 

What I didn’t realise was how much the medicine suppressed not only my depression but also my BPD. Up until today. Had the first panic/dissociation/anxiety attack of the year today like an hour or two ago and this sparked some thoughts in my brain. I’ve been thinking about this before but more loosely. 
I don’t want to ”get well” from this. It’s such a bizzare thought really because I’ve put myself and others through so much pain and suffering but .. this is me.. I’m just not comfortable with the idea of letting all this go and becoming a whole other me? I understand that this sounds weird as hell but just the thought of letting go off all that I am really makes me feel like thats not a life I want to live. 
I hate so much of this, not being able to introduce friends to each other since they know two completely different persons, getting random panic attacks out of nowhere where it just feels like I am being compressed into nothing by literally no thought or emotion at all, lashing out at and hurting the people I love the most for no realistic reason and not being able to recall any of it. 
But there are also things that I love. All the love that I am able to give, all the empathy and emotion in my soul. I’m just so conflicted. I know that this is also part of the ”illness” and I could not stand losing that. And I’m not sure if this is the ”illness” talking or if its me. Matter of fact I wouldn’t be able to draw the line. It just feels like I am borderline and borderline is me. 
Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling this way.

Also I’m not a native English speaker so sorry if it’s bad.",5.09545339366516,5.299817120000005,5.861235294117647,82.15471266968326,68.38823529411765,8.891402714932127,30.463800904977376,8.730908602173464,2.234453393665158,1656,60,337,25,26,543,202,425,0.152,0.7140000000000001,0.133,-0.9337,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,4,4,24,31,6,1,22,0,28,12,1,4,8,90,66,41,0,8,28,0,6,5,1,1,7,2,0,2,29,23,0,2,17,2,0,3,16,17,2,4,12,8,30,14,45,45,16,36,2,6,0,4,14,15,2,10,21,236,59,1,0.3455763802859709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837995661427216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763573064613836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700075778269648,0.0,0.10574599401384788,0.0,0.0,0.048327008029402,0.07081676798604332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725720864054668,0.0,0.0,0.057708368560747576,0.04213203077966629,0.07633239229371129,0.05881200934405395,0.0,0.0,0.06112684507925481,0.0,0.0,0.26114481209729346,0.07715550587398869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246605197281311,0.0,0.0,0.055182923970471434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858665797736578,0.07015055033292053,0.0,0.07221075304312811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773694446726872,0.155490765805022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473380128101576,0.148127901075434,0.06636150373755671,0.0,0.0,0.058789418506694224,0.0,0.0,0.053398290833933104,0.06389595900615509,0.14443951644825406,0.0663016706462542,0.07855960829093045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682370261266808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806462470418037,0.0,0.07398933249536645,0.0780227339282565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759678964008238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135010494340153,0.048818163460741484,0.1688311636705116,0.0,0.061030055009059225,0.0,0.0,0.07732231490506572,0.0,0.0,0.1871377052464709,0.0,0.04613498345709127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550146185196818,0.0,0.15242304122287614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631797142618118,0.0,0.07252485578117586,0.0,0.04683429977375826,0.10513056379023072,0.07354352671414004,0.16218376946997112,0.0,0.07484510873545751,0.0,0.04791582999322226,0.060348793152668175,0.0,0.07586781818293102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947994220482047,0.0,0.0,0.0691339796324651,0.0,0.08855403128005647,0.07106201491976781,0.06824299697744791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434574114413346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736889299503524,0.04892014812765563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514032973821134,0.0,0.0,0.055552240854646766,0.06040979765309409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591711830804869,0.04428627814491905,0.0,0.2194792357526394,0.0,0.07943784255990677,0.1310264005302216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350311637309592,0.07195143985666437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702734108445251,0.1222979416007655,0.054860489082906715,0.0,0.0,0.12428586717277272,0.0,0.0,0.07716473746905379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901594349499226
bpd,strong0nee,2019/02/13,"Radical Acceptance Someone knows how to radically accept a trauma? Not accepting it makes things worse, but how the hell to you accept something so terrible happened due to a horrible person.",7.011770833333332,10.27340746875,7.745000000000001,58.53333333333336,68.0625,11.766666666666666,38.79166666666666,11.20814326018867,6.242841666666667,157,9,19,6,3,52,27,32,0.43,0.424,0.146,-0.9440000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,10,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392247788510575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437746595925682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960866476602669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873085133223319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758357113302301,0.34148212015215784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946884253831956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520360737650266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thakt,2019/02/13,What does the future hold I’m feeling absolutely incredibly anxious about what the future holds. I feel like at college I finally found a group of people and activities that are meaningful and who care about me. I finally felt safe and happy and like I was doing better. But I graduate from college in May and then I feel like I’ll have absolutely nothing and no one. I know I need to be applying for jobs and stuff but everytime I think about that I get so overwhelmed that I breakdown. I’ve been in absolute crisis for the last few days and I feel like I can’t even enjoy the present and am ruining the happiness I’ve found. ,3.837903225806453,5.617037951612903,5.328258064516131,78.94738709677422,72.70967741935483,9.153548387096777,29.335483870967746,9.642632912329526,2.891828387096774,502,21,96,13,10,169,77,124,0.076,0.675,0.249,0.9478,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,0,1,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,26,22,13,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,3,10,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,5,14,10,11,15,1,11,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,12,64,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817451032519264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228254299370013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402471966527934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375229036775996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078445780275342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625767403844724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253767742926589,0.3447914647975961,0.15446705120186144,0.3524655568992068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527864304805041,0.0,0.0,0.08405153939481093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425128993955835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964549781624965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841373599256383,0.13113614404027008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143853051467689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928818160037025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436572276004712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901434979180896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153178496698203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841655590537383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030834204843314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dresserdrawers26,2019/02/13,dae get mad at other people with bpd especially recently  i've been feeling like the actions of other people with bpd make me ashamed to have bpd. i don't feel like it's fair that how people who refuse or don't seek treatment act are seen as the standard of bpd. i also feel like a bunch of people just self diagnose with bpd to have a reason for acting shitty but don't realise that acting shitty is not exclusive to bpd. i'm struggling because i want to support other people but i'm so stuck in black and white thinking and thinking i'm right on this,4.139048672566371,5.207652672566375,5.164767699115045,83.19193030973454,70.94690265486727,7.065929203539826,27.39933628318584,7.1686216300943375,1.4336026548672578,444,15,85,4,8,146,71,113,0.18100000000000002,0.71,0.11,-0.888,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,2,4,0,8,1,0,3,0,21,22,9,0,1,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,3,6,4,4,15,19,1,9,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,1,4,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469973492825691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456445615136189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8003731345391792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750092144026546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066056122431627,0.2269958793060077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533592051981001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552333281174132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069870740474114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671386647289937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889767859300688,0.10457772636287,0.0,0.0,0.09045034827566972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049185416478682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110724763329814,0.0,0.0,0.12019044502054235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573138585926428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247107756074306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hanban97,2019/02/13,"I need advice on making a sucky decision. Hey all, I'm in a bit of a difficult situation and have to make a decision, but all the options suck and I don't really trust my decision-making skills. Sorry for the incoming wall of convoluted text, my brain isn't englishing properly. Thanks in advance!

So, to begin with, I was diagnosed with MDD when I was around 15, and then when I was around 18 or 19 I was also diagnosed with BPD. I'm more of a quiet-BPD kinda girl so it went unnoticed until I spent a significant amount of time in hospital with people watching me. I live in a separate studio off my parents house, and they help me out because I'm always super tired (I also have Fibromyalgia, fun). I'm now 21.

I live in a pretty small town, there are no psychologists or psychiatrists around here, and so I have to drive 2.5 hours to see my Psychiatrist, which really wears me out. I've been either treatment resistant or allergic to every drug we've tried over the years (fricken lots), and I've tried rTMS about 7 times to help with my depression/anxiety but nothing is budging. I've done a year long DBT course and I hated it, but I did learn some really important skills. It's not enough though, I'm not coping at all, I'm definitely not okay, I can't deal with it, I feel like I'm drowning, I can't think of the right words.

My Psychiatrist wants me to re-start going to therapy with a specific kind of therapist, which would mean doing the 5 hour return trip once a week. She has also brought up ECT, not as a solution, but just to try and make things a bit more bearable, but the nearest place is 3 hours away and I would have to be an inpatient for a few months, I hate being in hospital, and my parents are scared I'll lose all my memories. I'm not so worried about that being a thing, but I don't like them being worried, and I have a fair few friends who have had ECT with no improvement.

The only options I can currently come up with are 

* Move up to where the treatment options are, however, no one thinks I'm safe to live by myself, especially away from everyone I know. I've got pretty bad anxiety and OCD, and I've never lived on my own before. It would also be really difficult to rent, as I am constantly in and out of hospital for months at a time.
* Do ECT and see what happens next, but it's expensive and I honestly don't have much faith it'll work, and even if it does, I'll still have to do the therapy afterwards to sort some stuff out, which is still ages away.
* Do the constant driving back and forth,  but this will wipe me out for days, so my life will be either driving to therapy, or recovering from driving to therapy, and that is literally all. This also seems like a really bad idea, because I'm always so tired and it's not the smartest idea to drive long distances when tired.

So if you guys have any advice on what the hell I should do, or any other options that I can't see, I'd really appreciate it... thanks.",6.758534675615213,5.499258768456379,7.699946308724832,75.24248098434005,65.34228187919463,11.772170022371366,33.289485458612965,11.00357731598739,3.4266227740492163,2310,80,476,57,30,785,271,596,0.14300000000000002,0.743,0.115,-0.9496,5,0,1,0,0,0,79.0,0,1,2,6,30,24,4,1,31,1,53,10,2,3,6,99,90,55,1,8,24,2,1,3,1,7,8,0,2,2,25,38,0,1,11,0,3,12,17,10,0,1,12,5,46,14,74,65,20,79,2,1,4,0,14,35,2,17,35,317,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593286509340088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576485353093975,0.10723237115229264,0.0,0.0,0.08763782333966004,0.0,0.09858722688162873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208597577231313,0.0,0.0,0.18162014972383148,0.04954755769992796,0.10760328232428423,0.07855957317711314,0.0,0.054830567934397854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069555946081233,0.0,0.1623105951785098,0.07193225080251882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550618974060045,0.0,0.13926555515245673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04155609994049553,0.0664310232835079,0.0,0.13080303014858566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638866359269954,0.06594073387544694,0.0,0.0,0.07472568161832775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657995024203825,0.0,0.04255958597284551,0.0,0.05429038423440146,0.06157167137669229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03258094279869372,0.04603332456234978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978334605135741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662064931412723,0.0,0.051535616712537334,0.0,0.0,0.06380209394938831,0.05698083076398178,0.0,0.0,0.12723506434858872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638062285407178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903704058267739,0.07435086945196186,0.0,0.14548153891678714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710051837280613,0.03541251991639185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551328305087657,0.0944410030433556,0.0,0.22759382748772425,0.1140482426077157,0.0,0.07208776723551527,0.0,0.054781460568017866,0.0,0.0,0.12903524498532273,0.0,0.0,0.07019004976943964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286492218768756,0.0684856175975931,0.047368114153051484,0.047778719667140514,0.04969726740893389,0.0,0.06852876430017553,0.0,0.0,0.06182839318212,0.0,0.0,0.06862258480161425,0.0436637224955592,0.04900672995340012,0.0,0.0,0.14309783021742492,0.0,0.0,0.044672035539660634,0.0,0.06732224667181116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311098187579255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476773646464519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502827079964461,0.0,0.0,0.06451200388466308,0.0,0.154042228983228,0.0586604116319984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242913081851718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213119209303692,0.0456083635840852,0.0,0.10291786723734853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376417764375966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186486243875929,0.29475422036614585,0.07481554155405476,0.08561726432480034,0.08257639245689621,0.06330836367433462,0.0,0.11272002058365505,0.2221802352082025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124410804778827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03800621488687925,0.0,0.05168693441915708,0.0,0.0,0.05973312027183684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691041316138907,0.13087643485061948,0.0,0.13732115283790933,0.0,0.0,0.08298976334057451
bpd,jellybeans221,2019/02/13,"Fp is overseas, housemate just moved out My fp and best friend is overseas and in a completely different time zone so we can barely chat, and I no longer have my housemate/friend to come home to, I still see him often but the house is so empty now. 

I feel like I have no one to talk to and I’m so lonely. I’ve never lived by myself before and I don’t know how to cope. 

I’ve been doing really well, managing emotions and staying fairly happy and positive and nothing really bad has happened but I just feel so sad and lonely, even when around friends 

I’m on medication that has been effective for over a year and I know it’s not that, I just feel like I’m heading for a downward spiral and I don’t know how to stop it. 

I just needed to let this out and I have no idea what to do now
",1.8230881094952949,3.301751347305391,3.6884901625320796,89.86402694610783,77.44311377245509,6.687596236099231,22.108212147134303,7.447530270364453,0.7037086398631303,613,17,136,8,14,207,93,167,0.139,0.667,0.19399999999999998,0.9063,1,4,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,18,11,0,0,4,0,16,2,1,3,1,38,29,21,0,1,7,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,6,17,0,1,8,1,0,2,7,4,1,1,2,4,16,7,17,26,1,18,0,3,1,0,6,7,0,1,10,97,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384039130752557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298134429599915,0.0,0.0,0.13229605360113708,0.0,0.1631592990443162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392620448329492,0.16301045998910998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624361718247942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748861747528679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268843601697418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583542815179304,0.22213985385034096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36035411262934586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374842414546629,0.16550387665104244,0.0,0.0,0.15956012992482804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595207395512714,0.0,0.0,0.1793949430193133,0.0,0.17551006852180384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563316490875461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898165416116006,0.0,0.15191248813031447,0.0,0.1372854884369828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566226692797648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524317142653816,0.0,0.11528124358734385,0.11991034564567588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491805160267624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535251392269043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991999423159918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389183473220307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571350877251745,0.12416092148486782,0.1299823716683134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496329092882225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065754406008518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139788879250521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011950079001948
bpd,Toronica713,2019/02/13,"Unofficially diagnosed BPD in 14 year old now moving back home. [Sorry for the delete/repost, age was wrong.] Hey everyone.  I'm a mom of 3 teens, one of whom has been ""unofficially diagnosed"" with BPD. She's 14. Last year, was a rough year. In early December, after months of issues at school, lying at home (for context, she decided to go live with her dad and step mom about 2 years ago because she was being bullied... unfortunately not the case, she *IS* the bully), threats of self harm and suicide, we decided to check her into a respite program for a few weeks in a nearby city, to see if getting a reset and a break from everything she seemed to be having issues with, would help her. This was after multiple Dr's visits, trips to the ER, CPS visits and unfortunately investigations and a recommendation from her therapist. 

I only see her every other weekend, and we don't talk on the phone unless she initiates it since a lot of her initial issues had to do with me and what a horrible mom I am. So I tend to let her be the one to reach out to me so she doesn't feel pressured. So, from my end of things, because I never heard otherwise, she was doing OK. 

But since mid January, she's been suspended from school once and given detention twice for putting her hands on classmates, which I never would have imagined she'd do. So I knew all was not well, but when I'd ask I'd get ""oh, she's OK.""

Last night, I received a phone call from her dad saying we needed to make arrangements for her to move back home as soon as possible. Meaning he wants to drop her off for her visit this weekend and she stays. Not only is it what she wants, but he and her step mom can't take it anymore. And then I was brought up to speed a little bit on just how OK she's not. 

She's failing classes. Starting fights. The school calls them multiple times a week because she's either telling them a tall tale about home or making up wild stories about classmates. (Most recently she told the guidance councilors that there was a big fight in the hall and one classmate threatened to kill her friend. Told them they'd bring a gun. It was taken seriously. Unfortunately upon talking to students and reviewing the video footage from the halls it was found to be completely made up, and she then admitted to doing it to get out of math class.) She's abusing their cats, and I know they previously got rid of a puppy after they noticed it's extreme anxiety around her and finally caught her being mean to it. And last night I was told she checked out a slew of library books on different disorders, 2 of which I can understand seeing as she's on medication for depression and being tested for ADHD. But the others were on anorexia, nervous disorders, sleep disorders, even neurological disorders. Her dad and therapist feel she was trying to read up on things she can then claim to have, so I don't know really the reasoning.  We have to meet up this week for me to, in her dad's words, ""get filled in so I'm prepared.""

Don't even get me started on the fact no one thought this behavior was relevant to tell me. So her acting out on weekends with me was just chalked up to her underlying issues with me. 

Y'all, I'm terrified. And worried and overwhelmed. She has a brother and sister who live with me, and she's so mentally exhausting to them that they've started taking turns going to their dad's on his weekends so she's only around one at a time and the other gets a break. I'm emotionally exhausted when she finally leaves. And my boyfriend is just extremely uncomfortable with her around as she becomes very clingy and tries to constantly get on his lap. (She's previously accused her sister of sexual abuse, which was unfounded and she then admitted to making up the story after she saw on the news a girl who was molested by her brother, and she admitted she just wanted the attention. So I understand where he's coming from, and if you can't guess already, her sister doesn't have a great relationship with her for that reason.) 

There's a lot of stuff on set in place since the transition needs to happen as soon as possible, so my head is spinning. 

I guess I'm wondering, any parents who have a child struggling, do you have any suggestions or ideas on what I can do to help this go smoothly? Well, as smoothly as it can. Anything you think could help her work through it, or even anything we  (myself, her siblings and my bf) should know to try or pay close attention to? Anyone diagnosed, is there something you wish someone would have done to help you or something that DOES help you? 

I did find out they're in the process of getting her more help through a local organization and she's also being evaluated for ADHD, as well as she's still seeing her regular therapist, so hopefully her moving won't force us to start those processes over. 

I'm truly looking for any guidance you can offer. We've already been told that if this continues and she keeps refusing to work with therapy and causing all this chaos that we may not have a choice but to put her someplace, possibly long term, for treatment. And that breaks my heart. She wanted to live with her dad to escape what she saw as problems, now she wants to move home to escape what she sees as problems, but she doesn't understand this is it. We need to work together. She needs to try. As of last night I was told she unfortunately won't be welcome back there should the same issues continue here, so the decision falls on me or if it's bad enough the state will step in and we won't have a choice. 

I feel like a failure. She was never like this before moving there. She had some anger issues and a horrible habit of manipulating one house against the other with lies and tall tales, but it was never like this. They're a lot stricter, very religious and not as relaxed as my home tends to be. And I'm terrified because I truly am overwhelmed at even the idea and don't know where to begin or what to think. 

Any ideas, thoughts, recommendations, anything, is welcome. ",6.359198365452527,6.4620743593482,6.6721385329431975,77.76744198365455,65.69811320754717,10.014912723236806,32.49868832610231,9.773937934552695,2.9353587327212187,4757,179,918,92,68,1539,444,1166,0.138,0.8009999999999999,0.061,-0.9985,2,0,2,1,3,2,137.0,9,8,9,4,50,36,6,5,56,3,91,12,4,9,7,182,183,95,2,23,30,16,7,3,2,10,8,2,6,3,51,71,0,2,35,8,3,25,23,21,4,7,45,17,140,15,168,115,14,154,0,4,8,0,172,60,0,22,65,640,191,18,0.0,0.09563485290643854,0.0,0.0,0.09700453234055348,0.0,0.03577477919624236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907173283633853,0.032274140223749775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977882703551443,0.0,0.03087362771951555,0.0,0.04002412059784483,0.028219131487901256,0.0,0.09963316044017938,0.10778106900446767,0.037729120984969854,0.0,0.0,0.0930980350634356,0.033697100374540885,0.0984070286909022,0.04457204993141293,0.03434153887072475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406029525303067,0.0,0.10165854236859777,0.0,0.08241970869665939,0.0,0.0,0.041458606114114865,0.0,0.034764695029664686,0.04231441449439144,0.043612474353204735,0.0,0.032222441465074504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034760137853503376,0.12288703674282575,0.0,0.04216534021151594,0.18501426788921285,0.0,0.03531740697914729,0.041300069666561724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045397124137468256,0.03574505649648636,0.04170042433234529,0.0,0.10662385826512788,0.0,0.03400321044864907,0.0385636338556264,0.0362710132410747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612183908930992,0.028831640166449495,0.0,0.08842005512129496,0.03688632336603729,0.0,0.0,0.04425027498226064,0.031180357562280412,0.0,0.16868239408582286,0.0,0.06880885057019376,0.0,0.03227784156235384,0.044494647505166296,0.08891739436710586,0.0,0.035688293743531836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141877444471463,0.0,0.0,0.04782422012940461,0.16230600716938007,0.0,0.2428931505022962,0.04008442909192418,0.0,0.04656751460994637,0.0,0.13667722527499385,0.0,0.2527385209006365,0.0,0.035871891582086576,0.04464995683064972,0.0,0.0887184266027749,0.13158806422325744,0.0,0.04273311231465591,0.0,0.04126861314070725,0.0,0.05915038817186834,0.04044914572831079,0.1069101037229554,0.035715407519914165,0.033890410881950814,0.0,0.0,0.10293234568037968,0.0,0.03818755237283843,0.0808174901025784,0.0,0.0,0.0879230113165811,0.0,0.0406562655400439,0.04067119805032602,0.0,0.0,0.18906640010233589,0.03221323302695918,0.21446991955539024,0.0,0.1196992714433087,0.1245057787863636,0.0,0.0,0.11361926212182465,0.0,0.0,0.04594765431628173,0.04234875124454092,0.042979769354091056,0.16408505107397464,0.09208183965750943,0.0,0.0,0.0448125916241436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216534021151594,0.0,0.0,0.1364921605402798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723398131353917,0.0,0.08114152747286761,0.0,0.0,0.04036874909250533,0.0,0.025854257840205005,0.08298913690647289,0.039848486040423306,0.04332920344493443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0320941644246145,0.0,0.12253282867517072,0.1607998176214982,0.03674025059604026,0.04210201599706268,0.0,0.0,0.10015323633726772,0.0,0.04038697363167563,0.0,0.03419505643663017,0.06213885492346469,0.0,0.04517728395624988,0.11426191264164655,0.04301607453895119,0.032229813326502314,0.0,0.0,0.042190764126650696,0.04620005718071424,0.04414491315364999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060688127660270576,0.06487618634164534,0.07054904049069327,0.0,0.046152693184415984,0.14057564558624935,0.05362389487435345,0.05171933281368929,0.0,0.0640792143473862,0.04706594775155255,0.0,0.0,0.19281816927813206,0.0,0.10960126337968457,0.043897727486039206,0.0,0.12604176576524692,0.04854549758422143,0.0,0.0,0.066598868917707,0.11902046203757005,0.0,0.09711784508165937,0.0,0.10885960162387386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640951012531922,0.0,0.043766342581408116,0.08814293765574645,0.040985333035961566,0.0,0.08600712860749589,0.0441249491023683,0.0,0.10395647139903677
bpd,squidsluts,2019/02/13,"Prozac and still feeling crazy I finally admitted to my doctor the other month (December) that I was feeling anxiety and suicidal and was put on prozac. The first month on it I felt completely exhausted and slept probably 16 hours a day. I talked to my doctor about the fatigue and oversleeping and he said ""well that's good because most patients have insomnia"" so I didn't think anything of it. In some part of my mind I thought I was better off sleepy and napping all the time rather than a raging bitch going through mood swings. 

A month after that I felt like a normal person with short bursts of depression or anxiety, but I assumed they were normal reactions to job interviews and whatnot. They only lasted a few hours once every other week.

Then suddenly I feel like my same old self, full of anxiety, shaking and feeling like I'm inhaling chemicals when I have to interact with an employee or customer, I started drinking to relieve the anxiety, fucking have a juice box full of wine in my purse at all times, and I've isolated myself in my apartment and chose to paint all day instead of look for a job after quitting my last job. Which was similar to how I was before the prozac. Should I ask for more prozac? Is this normal? I don't fucking know. 

For a moment I thought I was fixed and finally normal but now I'm starting to think it was just a placebo effect. I keep waking up everyday feeling the same sinking dread I used to feel without prozac. Sometimes I think I'm impossible to fix unless I'm drugged to the point of fucked. ",4.8851443488943485,6.4531703952702735,5.523488943488946,79.42593366093368,69.70945945945945,8.895331695331697,32.37346437346437,9.339509955726095,3.0865932432432435,1231,56,221,26,22,398,164,296,0.126,0.7909999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9314,4,0,3,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,4,10,18,5,2,18,0,15,18,2,3,3,55,46,21,1,6,8,0,8,3,0,1,11,1,0,2,10,14,2,1,17,3,0,3,3,10,1,1,15,11,30,7,38,30,12,43,0,2,1,3,11,13,4,5,30,150,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779038259760032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473594381790302,0.0,0.0849031021531599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536215654786266,0.0,0.07727991288213107,0.0,0.0,0.08032164374540167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095221541413585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714092719101415,0.0,0.07822190016591173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591330680655105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896762236121719,0.10532070673481804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765185611243668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27552358284304873,0.1297616072884591,0.17440013646070388,0.1989746057254276,0.0,0.07725022816360906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518809100686738,0.0,0.0,0.0516142855216972,0.07617430658952183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887599237504406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27037024777639523,0.08072371674479939,0.0,0.0,0.0499115102610244,0.14805850980910046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331080957692026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626472448878681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170086494948444,0.0,0.2174715452921103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559316589739845,0.0,0.0,0.09529881055024764,0.09671881169570162,0.0,0.06907161395753061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834765972529323,0.0,0.0,0.07929927117600621,0.0,0.0,0.08585290260165328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791777762856037,0.0,0.0,0.0912977458265824,0.0,0.09659672691864336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638925610135657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474357397503626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982188669475769,0.0,0.1285637007696762,0.0,0.07252782629967455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993407737360174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299652539568106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457861523953466,0.0,0.14419959807167784,0.10591407553537376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843808399073895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284917774034265,0.0,0.08165680015626826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754585938363689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nymnyx,2019/02/13,I need help with not relapsing I need help with bulimia i struggled with it for three years but i started getting better and healthier around march of 2018 so it's been almost a year but 10 days ago my boyfriend left town to visit family and hes always been my lifeline when it comes to not doing anything harmful to myself but since he's not here ive been feeling awful all week and wanting to purge after every meal i held on for the first week he was gone but i keep felling the urge and im so scared ill relapse without him here but i can't tell him how ive been feeling while he's gone because he's already going through so much and he's so stressed out i can't add to his stress so i need help and advice on what i can do to prevent a relapse im scared that if it happens even once ill keep doing it more and more ,3.3746610169491547,3.952049361581924,4.362500000000002,90.05697033898306,72.33333333333333,6.803954802259887,27.744350282485875,6.42735559955562,1.0350418079096038,655,23,145,4,12,213,101,177,0.172,0.743,0.085,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,11,7,0,5,4,1,14,3,0,1,1,37,30,21,0,5,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,14,1,4,2,0,0,6,6,6,0,2,8,2,19,1,19,22,4,24,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,2,12,93,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672972143168893,0.12403201365376308,0.0,0.14011122291532094,0.0,0.15440691223723174,0.0,0.11642594032334737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514351538268333,0.12455984656161967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529487952435963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237492423283692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053002773085428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023782575640177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241686560532507,0.0,0.117889942506804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190558672749067,0.0,0.1414970819426111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901720083371115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310323598237536,0.0,0.07952064261627872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237321665242364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28135940108660146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30227857409863984,0.0,0.0,0.24873740922839874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520251758847331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285844045694724,0.3112501740799293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490118865617525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801717665553926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574455390030125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903719482888083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205593306296129,0.14627638659944794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222976039265206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252935673784205,0.0,0.22447325849524102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487938322142762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020978423420556
bpd,bluesocksx,2019/02/13,CBD or THC How do we feel about the use of either for BPD? ,-3.127142857142857,-1.5480265714285686,-0.21714285714285708,109.08714285714287,100.42857142857143,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.741028571428572,44,0,13,0,2,15,14,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7829177203382651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143133993732287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368863288953997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itsavava,2019/02/13,"My ex told me that he didn’t love me for the last four months of our relationship He said he only stayed with me because it felt morally wrong to leave someone in my state (I was seriously suicidal and in and out of hospital). He said meeting up with me for the last time finally killed the last of his feelings for me because I was so unpleasant to be around. He said that our relationship meant nothing to him and that I wasn’t a special person to him.

Worst of all, he said part of the reason he fell out of love with me is because I’m trans and he wanted children. That’s something I hate about myself more than anything else. He promised me it didn’t matter to him and that he loved me regardless. That we could adopt one day. How can I ever trust someone again.

I feel absolutely devastated. Completely shattered. I don’t even know how to put into words properly what I’m feeling.

I feel like the months of DBT and therapy I’ve been doing to try and build confidence and self control and repair my abandonment issues have evaporated.

I seriously think I’m going to kill myself tonight. I feel so revolting and subhuman. I don’t know how I’ll ever have another relationship again.",3.824583239213915,5.6591991158798285,5.044133724870118,80.74068443641292,72.86266094420601,8.510413372487012,29.001355319629546,9.134995656068208,2.5360866952789696,946,39,182,21,19,313,126,233,0.17,0.713,0.11800000000000001,-0.9489,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,3,0,0,1,12,15,3,0,6,0,15,3,0,5,3,42,39,15,3,3,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,9,18,0,2,11,0,0,3,5,8,0,2,13,10,31,7,30,24,4,25,1,1,0,3,33,7,0,0,14,117,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983780303616217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619898644094863,0.09324826056567004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915609091619332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982667693599946,0.0,0.11748420807459407,0.08363305297165229,0.0,0.0,0.06755403543990257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750382523471019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918531294404484,0.1895018019949612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648196254749585,0.07483225912331448,0.10057486552056236,0.11474672336251815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953091471868512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341733293680634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933008769354337,0.0,0.0,0.2317771115417919,0.0,0.11513393359211682,0.2561517155105047,0.0,0.11091340331020198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051174764360356034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836184908260099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721830510899974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005088896743894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098020894950965,0.07966585836510649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343228109643275,0.0,0.0,0.09146223960899813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053010472948566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769877401272678,0.0,0.33738165720844965,0.0,0.0,0.3985587622185415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927539857314016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750591428232226,0.08064041564083144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164782918290048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457771951296375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978889427296698,0.0,0.0,0.06711852833302663,0.0,0.0,0.061079619086795225,0.0,0.0,0.10009155999314184,0.0,0.07111726989967843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178330476346858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145259029999233,0.0,0.0
bpd,DG0623,2019/02/13,"Hey everyone, I’m sorry I just want to vent and know it’s okay So, to start I’m a 26yo M. I’ve struggle with BPD for awhile. 

Recently I got into a “relationship” that was sort of more casual. Or at least I thought... and I couldn’t figure out what she wanted...

I found myself, who usually likes having very strong emotional connections, taking a step back and taking everyone in a more casual approach because I knew that’s what she wanted. In the end, it all blew up in my face somehow. 

I know this is my fault, I know somehow through all of the miscommunication and misunderstandings that I am the root of the problem. But what I want to know is if there really is hope at the end of this poorly lit tunnel? What do I do..? I’m scared... it’s becoming so obvious that I’m all alone... and it honestly hurts a lot...

Sorry for just opening up and ranting all of a sudden. I just feel so much yet so little at the same time and I’m hoping someone here can relate... anyway, good night everyone and I hope you’re having a good day. ",0.8627312599681041,3.1956872727272767,3.276106459330148,87.08503688197771,85.36363636363636,6.545534290271133,20.191586921850078,7.793537801064563,0.9545261562998406,796,24,166,16,24,274,116,209,0.065,0.767,0.168,0.9601,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,1,14,16,0,2,13,1,11,1,1,1,5,47,35,15,0,10,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,12,0,0,9,2,1,2,1,5,0,0,5,2,18,11,22,29,10,25,0,1,1,0,5,12,0,9,12,114,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996530772711432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649073305500436,0.0,0.07649489860081365,0.13858906158596573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804480622655634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092787479959418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115448678251713,0.22228611175875232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597208005209614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344932424941085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137588558169284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050284966826213,0.1003623521698163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739067478794904,0.0,0.0,0.13433500313273464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585456597087205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130595894212651,0.12576960577462187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668342766851548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224640467127833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775979894563178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007283722941052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038933227413317,0.0,0.12390195861446343,0.13472464591467578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563304499037864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632359942439573,0.0,0.0,0.2809418637075865,0.08881940180219915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118486623130265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869921116009955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962160364214473,0.07317170223917263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382047350080327,0.10353881816289136,0.2960587932338252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yellioo,2019/02/13,"I've been pretending for so long, I don't know who I am anymore The last time I spoke to anyone about bpd was when I was first diagnosed at 18 after multiple hospitalizations. I don't blame the people who knew about my episodes for not understanding but I never felt like they cared and tried to understand. Since then, I'm now 24 and don't have any real friends. I hide my bpd and pretend I'm happy. Because of this I can't genuinely connect to people but at the same time I can't open up because it never helps and people just don't get it. I'm so sick of pretending and suffering in silence. Feel like my bpd has become my whole identity and I'm cursed. I feel so alone.",2.4022619047619043,4.132574035714286,4.047142857142859,86.82619047619049,76.5,7.523809523809526,24.523809523809533,8.344100000000001,1.4626666666666668,535,18,114,10,12,179,82,140,0.171,0.7120000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.8391,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,8,6,0,0,3,0,12,2,0,0,2,22,26,13,0,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,7,3,0,0,9,1,0,1,6,4,15,5,14,20,2,16,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,13,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191125678211584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974415553494034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546237076368615,0.10255869974925406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882366282345635,0.16199121819480622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541967828562281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954512653892252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488722253291946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483267613068267,0.10478478150106042,0.1408311793808622,0.0,0.0,0.12476183746763395,0.0,0.0,0.11332088411988656,0.0,0.07663173038940993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613846189114453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831328475341593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060884581158431,0.11955985228536105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331617312345687,0.0,0.0,0.1298029231632299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22624988988538486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050583155399198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669484718623346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133122876624546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105495985711353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958282263147693,0.0,0.0,0.3053880808138027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375760602650802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paranoidandroid69,2019/02/13,"Struggling with paranoid thoughts, seeking advice I reconnected with a guy who I thought ditched me in December, he was home for two weeks, and never once came to see me even though he said he would. He messaged me the day he got home saying he was sorry, he was super busy, and he really wanted to see me so he was kind of angry he didn't get to. My therapists told me not to believe him, so when he reached out a second time, I basically blew up at him and said he was fucking with me, I don't know why he kept reaching out, and I assumed he only wanted nudes which I was not going to give to him. 

​

Fast forward to this weekend, I messaged him and apologized to him, and said I understand why he hated me. He said he didn't, and that he really was telling the truth. We had a nice, albeit short conversation. I messaged him again tonight and we texted back and forth for about an hour and a half. Again, it was a pleasant conversation.

​

Now I am really struggling with the thought that he is trolling me based on some over the top drama I had when I was manic (bipolar as well) with a girl who is also suffering from BPD. She is not in treatment and is still acting like I am ""harassing"" her from fake snapchat accounts, even though I was in the hospital for three weeks and didn't even have my phone on me. She posted a rant about me on her facebook wall, and I messaged her asking her to please stop, and let the drama go. She is clearly still very spiteful about what happened, and I wish she would at this point let it go. 

​

She threatened to message the guy back in December, and I still have no clue if she did or not. I even asked him, and he said no. I feel like he's treating me so nicely because he is involved with her in the drama, and that they are making fun of me or something. I realize that would be a ton of effort to put into hurting me, but at this point, people don't surprise me anymore.

​

I don't know if what I'm feeling is real, and was looking for some outside perspective. Thanks guys.

​

TL;DR: Ex friend threatened to message a guy I really liked back in December. He was supposed to come visit me, but he never did, and I always thought it was because she messaged him. Fast forward to now, we've reconnected, but it feels too good to be true. He's been super nice but I'm not sure if it's because he feels bad or if it's because he's trolling me. Not sure if this paranoia is BPD or real concern. He told me they did not message him, but I don't know if I can believe him. I don't know what to feel. ",4.842461832061068,4.969171671755729,5.50121183206107,84.78727576335879,68.92366412213741,8.076717557251909,31.26049618320611,7.645422480735847,1.9111061068702284,2012,78,420,20,32,653,209,524,0.087,0.804,0.109,0.9266,0,0,1,0,0,0,80.0,2,0,2,4,27,31,4,2,18,0,48,3,1,1,7,91,93,44,0,12,22,1,5,3,1,3,1,6,2,5,20,33,0,2,16,4,1,10,19,10,1,4,36,14,71,21,52,50,3,57,0,2,3,2,89,24,1,13,29,286,91,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056788954968087765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647425771954701,0.04835603709938882,0.3148359483044169,0.3530782512378351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057634108384200224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086586895905688,0.0,0.0,0.13405971606759154,0.04852329810649581,0.14170458395140745,0.0,0.0,0.13095060000762954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638671285052698,0.0,0.0,0.0664676678276162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006061773137999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037479135989161576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353669017089866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692254416991074,0.041517111417480775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489922777464726,0.05372604951381309,0.030362501530427695,0.05574885948023789,0.09908366985503056,0.04874380396346696,0.04647958758931272,0.0,0.0,0.2301705269692229,0.051390585450430716,0.0,0.0,0.0573761768565717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658744737527928,0.0,0.05723121546142905,0.0,0.06221292555851789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060517456080784626,0.12775314830465934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885231640768268,0.0,0.08517563489073994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048801662217173296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879197439224388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964318818061587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061890196418581525,0.0,0.04419880351952246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028937502077909,0.0,0.0,0.0637924247417348,0.10987424084239056,0.0,0.055657762076438286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058421265963837676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322943696211564,0.14891890952733838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27640166038173714,0.04621509538046356,0.0,0.0,0.0926196901121279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447394901628632,0.0,0.06505458311502536,0.0,0.0,0.1392312830400224,0.048586442399457634,0.0,0.12150808243459812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954472349414536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050794758077219185,0.053504153839232016,0.0,0.06747557783387483,0.0,0.0,0.11419468019372515,0.1845461351658289,0.03388711473730855,0.0,0.0,0.11106206058371032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676956024573065,0.06049939120495736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795066540044046,0.06855504237492499,0.0,0.09323211979624306,0.0,0.052252041893199784,0.0,0.10487884939192213,0.0,0.06682896954803583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384892154870185,0.0,0.3530782512378351,0.0
bpd,beautifulexistence,2019/02/13,"How would you guys feel about someone pointing out when you're splitting? Recently (within the last few months) my brother has started saying that he relates pretty strongly to BPD symptoms, but he doesn't want to see a therapist because he doesn't trust them. He definitely experiences frequent splitting and has for several years. I can sort of relate because I spent a lot of time during my teens and early twenties surrounding myself with abusive people and often had confusing feelings about them. With time I've learned to distance myself from toxic people and not give them my time or energy, and most people who've hurt me I've been able to either forgive or cut out of my life completely.

With my brother, I can see patterns where he needs people and draws them into his life for brief, intense periods, but then pushes them away for a long time until he needs them again. And he splits on people frequently, including me. Splitting on me is something we've been working on for the past year. Mainly by me giving him space to fully process his feelings before engaging him about them, and then we usually talk out what caused the splitting.

My concern is that splitting sometimes causes him to make impulsive choices which he later regrets. For instance, quitting a job because a coworker said or did something he didn't like, and he decided in the moment that he hated the job and was going to quit. But then later will complain that he misses having that particular job, it was the perfect job, he didn't know how good he had it, etc.

The same goes for his friends and some of our family members, particularly our mom.

Right now he's splitting on one of his closest friends, and I think it's important for him to realize that while she has become a toxic person in his life, she is also his oldest friend and her own person, and that making some new friends so he isn't leaning entirely on one friendship until his dissatisfaction makes him split would probably be helpful.

I'm afraid that if I point out when he's splitting and that it's influencing him to make impulsive, life-altering decisions, he might think I'm unqualified to make observations like that.

Sorry if this is lengthy and somewhat insensitive. Would love to hear some insight!",11.411544117647061,8.714448548076927,10.291990950226246,64.85889140271493,57.509615384615394,12.865158371040726,43.94174208144796,10.966923227221727,4.880040045248869,1820,81,299,32,17,576,216,416,0.111,0.765,0.124,0.8106,4,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,3,1,7,5,14,21,2,2,13,0,28,5,0,10,1,76,56,36,0,9,10,3,3,2,4,5,4,3,0,3,17,25,0,0,12,0,1,3,6,8,0,2,11,8,44,13,47,39,12,56,0,3,2,1,65,21,0,15,34,202,61,6,0.08292746750396432,0.09825548859236083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631706580205148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791308552527512,0.0,0.0,0.151655443456474,0.09158687257789963,0.07056516694928576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444424230762127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037870509764105,0.0,0.0,0.08694787191681239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924860471529656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111897575230242,0.0781766360071315,0.0,0.12579185778482305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562782227323417,0.0,0.0,0.15910316652503573,0.0471295908467415,0.06955562527527863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821112306667929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187370563353877,0.0,0.0,0.0934652828617257,0.0,0.055584533431915134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877556910967219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32917086231813514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045574767399544365,0.06759695419737853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342964910184984,0.08102834358851123,0.0,0.0,0.07338819916579152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050196735756915,0.07484527712682518,0.0,0.2767736425061733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797293810268346,0.0,0.09712364767595684,0.06619191338747507,0.0,0.0,0.12297933276812845,0.0,0.08009186486908675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238759632082794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791636511710706,0.2874573221266049,0.14481813192585608,0.0,0.0,0.15678652263510084,0.0,0.0,0.08436704741425374,0.08940983585477172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176407138868417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188086971594151,0.0,0.0,0.07081960414040114,0.07888301179524729,0.0659472506239775,0.0,0.0,0.13216490989049565,0.0,0.0,0.09368443391431136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026417410630538,0.1276832319080987,0.08201738581127421,0.0928305104989252,0.05869648832463877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619339109682096,0.0,0.06665395714304752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628518140610208,0.0,0.1062731454243255,0.0,0.0,0.1934226927463589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133288955125493,0.0,0.04891276891043417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037218400425719,0.0,0.0,0.17672788082861346,0.0,0.0,0.10680514037746247
bpd,throwmeawayout21,2019/02/13,"PLEASE HELP ME! Gf signed up to camgirl behind my back. Should I be ok with this?  I knew she used to do it before we got together.  But she stopped before we got together and before we moved in together.   We in the past have had pretty open and honest communication about such stuff.  


But I had to use her device today for something, and I wanted to go to a page I used yesterday but instead I’m greeted by a history of her signing up for a private camgirl service and searching for reviews and working for it.  

The time stamp has it right before I called out one of her kids for not watering the pets as usual, it kinda irritated me bad.  Cause this is a on going issue.  

She got upset and went to sleep, and then I see this a bit later after cuddling with her till she went to sleep.  


Should I see this as a red flag? Can I honestly trust any response?  

To make matters worse for me, I’ve been having a very bad mental health month, and she knows I haven’t been doing well.  

It’s the type of digital gf type chat, not even just streaming.   


Can some body please help, I’m imploding with so much and I’m trying to not explode it atm.  


Please help ",3.042375478927198,4.409267758620693,4.3901149425287365,86.54415708812262,74.0,7.052107279693488,24.95785440613027,7.594959193182576,1.1693756704980838,888,28,184,11,18,294,132,232,0.085,0.759,0.156,0.9266,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,4,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,11,1,16,6,3,5,0,41,35,17,0,3,7,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,11,18,1,1,2,1,1,5,4,3,1,1,10,3,27,5,34,22,4,25,0,0,3,1,21,8,0,2,12,125,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731375712476649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742133695609522,0.18985441943724252,0.0,0.0,0.3869705614082395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412109176339778,0.1262850360710171,0.0,0.0,0.11609119012368516,0.0,0.0,0.11679194214021195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509181236695832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292263946743825,0.0,0.2727871598325088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084818295379607,0.0,0.0,0.2286139787980156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186638331431197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248158294348837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758896042154842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457375572136246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074704628221693,0.12083550694677685,0.0835759432064745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703994251662714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853089371563268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743956275577664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156645874788077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709146579577993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811939643519548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754614926636602,0.0,0.0,0.08752486189362638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505074030649197,0.0,0.0,0.13014895846407695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629411793830306,0.0,0.10776574448396856,0.0,0.0,0.07718870465580016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29457748073530704,0.12521453952658573,0.093806955591209,0.06705787877928976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222183430598147,0.2107853334103208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276837903026249,0.0,0.11586080966579428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittiesrcute-,2019/02/13,Does anyone else feeling they’re dying when they have a crush on someone? To make things even worse I feel completely rejected by the person. ,3.7360256410256376,6.792312346153849,3.674615384615386,84.15371794871797,79.38461538461539,6.5435897435897425,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.6682974358974354,115,4,19,2,3,35,25,26,0.28800000000000003,0.66,0.052000000000000005,-0.7778,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206341254035667,0.3233098076132091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308395170821187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274825145668119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761327081844047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26359463921830056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841234718338564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31909477533243913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210626565571171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755188814564909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673574972800347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963191499016087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32156399649824796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GGALLIN_88,2019/02/13,"How To Tell Someone You Love That They May Have BPD Without Insulting Them? I’ve been in a rocky relationship with my girlfriend who I love dearly for about 7 months now. Just reading into BPD it’s clear to me that she has the full extent of every single symptom but she isnt even willing to entertain the fact that she does. I don’t really want to diagnose someone but it’s just so clear. She’s had trouble forming relationships in the past, me being her 13th bf. All of her past relationships haven’t lasted more than a month. Her temper is massive and shed get herself worked up over the most minuscule thing without even remembering why she’s angry. She has the inability to let anything go and has never forgiven me for anything I’ve done. She has broken up with me 5 times, the longest lasting a week, but she always seems to come back to me an emotional mess and apologizing. I constantly find her developing little crushes on people and I feel it impacting our relationship. Whenever I try to tell her she’s mostly likely BPD and should try to work on and recognize when things are happening she flips shit and says I’m trying to make her look crazy. These are just some things she exhibits constantly, but from reading through this sub a lot and reading other symptoms and traits online it’s the spitting image of her. I care about her so much and I feel just her at least knowing she has it will benefit her greatly, but she doesn’t want to hear and makes me feel like an asshole for suggesting it. I just don’t know what to do because I truly want her to be able to come to the realization of her behaviors, but whenever I push her in that direction she explodes and has even broken up with me for a couple of days over it. I just don’t know what to do and I often feel like I’m being an asshole for even thinking she has it, even though It’s so apparent. I just want her to be able to reach out and realize she isn’t alone, Thank you. ",6.2403209934395525,6.056124976804124,6.768078725398315,77.95110121836926,65.98453608247422,10.04423617619494,32.58481724461106,9.688023934748609,2.8883876288659787,1553,58,305,29,22,509,189,388,0.109,0.7709999999999999,0.12,-0.3323,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,2,2,2,24,16,3,0,16,0,32,7,2,3,5,67,60,26,0,5,15,0,4,3,2,4,3,2,0,0,22,21,0,0,12,4,0,4,10,5,0,0,3,7,57,11,51,48,12,34,0,0,1,2,52,15,1,7,18,231,79,5,0.16335912734048852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459539469483165,0.0,0.0,0.067963940187065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443064270150093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280654268384253,0.0,0.0497911038910802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086176533419865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327775881937174,0.0,0.0,0.1407194233981609,0.0,0.17653318226186795,0.0,0.0,0.09037688363099498,0.0,0.0526765613855989,0.0,0.0,0.08290303778398983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147833659669707,0.08358655217345215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187851536031268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26974290732942363,0.0,0.06881855520287541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519856635185587,0.11670379321274205,0.0,0.0,0.07465364144454198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267420081803477,0.0,0.04642037834008325,0.0,0.0,0.09005200730063488,0.0,0.0,0.0722289684026955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205880454623508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346668562641094,0.13315949203478136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352288781257436,0.0,0.11971352704547215,0.08186438078888818,0.0,0.0,0.06859026195922986,0.0,0.0,0.06944104414360375,0.14743799039094851,0.0,0.10904348600418888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303916969061935,0.0,0.060043877468678536,0.0,0.06299631488786946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594477151704556,0.05662632503276556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451050019605409,0.0,0.05232602001191955,0.0,0.0,0.35077313463385723,0.09252702315904417,0.0,0.0,0.06495486740821095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074358007095519,0.0,0.0,0.08384289834063625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841365847519072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697926823994835,0.0,0.0,0.14278307764058673,0.07519956823209259,0.0,0.0,0.1627928181300817,0.05233696632366327,0.08024975659621877,0.0,0.04762801042577075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636518643416892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270689158893045,0.0,0.0655184191409394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370310176897113,0.0,0.0,0.15747236927217745,0.0,0.1189273903016921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yesterdayscat,2019/02/13,"I just don't know how to have normal people arguments. In the past when I got into an argument I'd just cut people off. You upset me, you go into ""the book"" and nobody ever comes out of the book. But over the last few years I've been trying to work on myself and not end friendships on a whim. I've started to realise that I have no idea at all how to have disagreements/arguments with people. The ONLY way I can deal with it is to try to ignore whatever happens which means I either pretend nothing is wrong until I eventually snap or I distance myself from that person a lot (without the whole ending the friendship drama thing I used to do) 

I don't even seem to be able to gauge if I should be upset when I get upset or if I'm just being oversensitive so I find myself taking a lot of toxic shit from fear that I'm over reacting. 

Anyone got any tips on how to have a normal disagreement? Sorry if this sounds really silly. ",4.582982456140353,4.921532157894742,6.111315789473686,79.44837719298248,69.52631578947367,8.438596491228072,25.307017543859647,8.344100000000001,1.5755964912280702,730,18,142,10,12,250,116,190,0.179,0.785,0.036000000000000004,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,11,9,2,4,12,0,15,1,1,5,2,38,29,15,0,6,12,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,1,5,4,0,2,5,8,0,0,3,1,18,1,29,22,6,24,0,0,0,0,4,11,1,8,10,108,25,3,0.15001937175036767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201831717370953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489703285199008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922840513995462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466338494612095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657452705244145,0.0,0.0,0.09908638017472594,0.13570111051932882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881350108717438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711498794976246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837892991833924,0.0,0.08525946616351261,0.0,0.23996839223838054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266163499226655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935361028547574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244672336848989,0.12228581079537156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550822102373219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634150755220007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29397426437355706,0.1439476332393083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409649234795108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432104653814677,0.31201362951363343,0.13099112889550266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610625100884383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657200170797368,0.0,0.0,0.15399272926545227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793440440767013,0.10618448347037908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279589741510206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966620455166007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370661177661648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956857002559674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907839446846713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674912710586583,0.0,0.14461332091358928,0.0,0.10921588935636184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402263257350733,0.0,0.09660755682892873
bpd,Sourestmango,2019/02/13,"Is it March yet? I really hate February. It's the worst. Every little bad thing puts me in a suicidal hate spiral. Well, I mean, that's kinda my normal but it's significantly worse in February.
I'm already out of money for the month because maybe buying this will make me feel less empty. No. Now I just own everything and still feel like shit. 

Tomorrow, I absolutely have to help a friend get to London for a thing. I have to start getting ready in five hours but why would I be sleeping when I can sit remembering every slightly embarrassing thing I've ever done and hit myself over the head with the emotions until I vomit so much I'm pretty sure I can't talk anymore?

I feel like I can't get support from anyone as the one person who was helping decided he felt no spark between us so what's the point. I didn't want a spark. I wanted sarcastic remarks and him to fuck the pain away. Maybe I wanted a spark. I don't fucking know. He made my head quiet and he had dimples. I wanted that.

My therapist tells me the only problem with February is in my head. Bitch, ALL my problems are in my fucking head and you help me with the others. Why is this the one you have decided I need to just snap out of?! 

I'm sorry. I just needed to pointlessly vent as... I don't know. ",1.2530308880308887,3.5437836563706564,3.3711679536679573,87.36825772200775,83.0926640926641,6.1710424710424725,21.21911196911197,7.447530270364453,0.8690131274131279,993,31,202,16,28,337,146,259,0.212,0.648,0.14,-0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,2,0,0,11,19,7,1,15,0,19,11,6,2,3,41,48,13,1,10,5,0,4,2,1,2,2,1,0,1,13,10,0,0,10,0,2,1,7,13,1,3,6,5,34,6,27,38,5,24,0,0,0,3,15,11,5,1,13,136,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666206188682048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585656621314204,0.06758397200344793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081129141570153,0.0,0.08070354288851016,0.058920469211108474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891242589383277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087247482460308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743069088632584,0.16287333463640635,0.0,0.08686798686460195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661620673865244,0.13810182376861854,0.09280471093880037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467601947459443,0.2680701463234498,0.15149597451633012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908551533146177,0.3967868810829807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943590051527596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518647807937627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623898298008576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444226823953522,0.09687448862972983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145804049825704,0.06451848681479756,0.0,0.1942074542522863,0.10528648512492883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714972517733115,0.0,0.07105312309299137,0.14333807923050554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470214701492267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309929223338237,0.07351107972153896,0.10284856963334686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439610299049304,0.0,0.0,0.09137095842810512,0.0,0.0,0.0983336813959538,0.0,0.18497306456958088,0.0,0.0971657601048858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192017067539784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949216211722973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921577398758057,0.0,0.0,0.09672558832639527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819823761762727,0.06841346187731115,0.0,0.07718943449654289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572574056540576,0.10968383902592377,0.09109693318163227,0.0,0.0,0.07768825846543309,0.08448141608180547,0.0,0.0,0.1122248157512222,0.19264142545233634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626500805073076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22804034426455186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690515831560011,0.0,0.17443362364656528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850050211816916,0.06866149624293127,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Upper_resident,2019/02/13,"toxic BPD therapy - TW for suicide, substance abuse, emotional abuse I know DBT is really popular and I actually really like it. But I want to caution people who think that they can only get better from it, or that they need a special intensive program to improve. 

I did a special program for BPD (I can tell you which one if you PM me) and found it extremely abusive. I was verbally bullied a lot (ok, maybe the other patients there had their own demons, but it was no excuse) - we are talking threats of physical violence and exhortations to harm myself. None of the staff addressed this constructively, in fact I was told that by asking them to stop expressing their feelings I would be interfering with their treatment. This treatment is regarded as one of the best in the country. 

I kept getting worse and worse to the point that I could not function, feed myself, concentrate, shower or sleep. I was genuinely suicidal and took pills to the point of throwing up several times - which my doctors never addressed or had a follow up conversation about. Finally I could not take it anymore and became extremely at risk of taking my own life and had to be hospitalized twice, back to back.

The last straw was when I became tearful during DBT about one of the other patients saying they wanted to physically hurt me. My tears distracted the other group members and my therapist finally put a ban on me speaking in any therapy sessions for two weeks. (This was a daily group therapy program). She told me that my speech put at me at risk for being bullied, and that even if I apologized for being annoying there was nothing I could do about it, because as an intrinsically annoying person I would draw this reaction wherever I went. 

She pointed out as evidence that one of my past partners threatened to kill me. She sagely told me that if I was drawing this reaction in lots of places, the common denominator was me. 

That was 1 month ago. I got rapid heart palpitations just writing all of this out. The point I wanted to make was this.... since then I have gone elsewhere for treatment and am happy beyond my wildest dreams with it. 

It's not a fancy program. It's a regular community mental health center. My therapist has no training in DBT or BPD, she is just a nice person and not a jerk. I am doing so well. I am no longer suicidal, no longer abuse substances, no longer cry randomly, no longer feel bad about myself, no longer fight with other people, no longer have concentration problems or worry about things. 

I am healthy, making friends, have self confidence, feeling good, taking care of myself, resisting self destructive urges.... wow. I wish I could share this joy with anyone. 

Trust your gut, people. Don't let anyone brainwash you into thinking there is something wrong with you for having issues. I don't know if I have a personality disorder or not, in any objective sense. (Like that is an OBJECTIVE category to start with...). But what works is what works. Common sense and kindness are enough. ",6.1042538881883175,7.683822810564668,6.450091074681237,73.89118537200507,66.7959927140255,9.565195460277428,33.020456774555136,9.851270322608157,3.4623591705198264,2389,104,399,54,39,770,272,549,0.22899999999999998,0.64,0.131,-0.9973,1,0,1,0,4,3,79.0,1,5,7,4,17,34,7,3,24,1,50,8,3,2,3,74,82,31,4,16,20,0,3,2,2,2,4,3,3,6,37,22,1,3,8,1,0,7,17,15,1,6,24,6,65,19,61,47,8,46,1,1,0,0,42,22,0,13,19,302,102,9,0.0,0.3219898609726109,0.06629937175683888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022446749091207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240268631322862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737795184073232,0.09501007162573287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351447224190472,0.0,0.0,0.1044829106261278,0.05672683302704209,0.041415426128576835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712985504632883,0.0600871662249576,0.0,0.0,0.256703118129693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926907818878454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697737032518452,0.0,0.07462859836164389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786481155290505,0.06953918799847955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642304685656949,0.0,0.07019989797237809,0.0,0.04487354800025073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305709986253814,0.0,0.0,0.14884929704210176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744924023853372,0.05249006346241292,0.0,0.07099140502855919,0.0,0.0,0.05698461845008637,0.05433760496984341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232310122924165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221675130198899,0.0,0.08050890194632074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273088141157077,0.0,0.0,0.07091142222563478,0.0,0.0,0.07516524026235041,0.07074876935985627,0.07467579281865834,0.0553799441537714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947297247745432,0.04798783740367196,0.06638383631460093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551985030546275,0.0,0.0,0.09070058878967767,0.0,0.06825458607929856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846726380509936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422884078661348,0.0,0.0,0.050376445667067817,0.05239930472958472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651899990523037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841508654265795,0.05167122279578404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485615561999017,0.141302553953664,0.17796704349480366,0.07098255301260997,0.0,0.2569000029866029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500914193342545,0.0,0.13659637860087606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704785582367101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402839669353437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175190179696692,0.07675255164756306,0.0,0.056200443081392534,0.0,0.06798879085164695,0.0,0.0,0.05230331999720316,0.0,0.0,0.048088087459524205,0.0,0.0,0.05680065273640302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294509820961075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324665533131446,0.05460737792166672,0.059382314734077686,0.0,0.2330849916687829,0.15776651573784878,0.0451361348155546,0.08706606574994195,0.0,0.0,0.03961620035086156,0.0,0.0,0.1947579578951156,0.07548353496201346,0.0,0.0,0.06636723987743652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120217831239409,0.0,0.054497149810707725,0.0,0.061085972542347634,0.06298080628493971,0.0,0.0,0.07812733150579491,0.0,0.0,0.0989218587818158,0.06899608921381505,0.13847276926754853,0.09652486355253104,0.07428142458061217,0.0,0.0
bpd,gypsy_moth91,2019/02/13,"Creating a more accurate symptom checker? I'm not at all professionally diagnosed because I'm poor and have no insurance. I hope to find an ok therapist soon. I've only just suspected that I might be suffering from BPD after a life of meltdowns and annoying the crap out of everyone and looking up things I do. (Like is it normal to cut people out of your life and block them on every social media platform with no warning? Or feeling immediately intensely lonely after just hanging out with friends? Things like that.) BPD definitely showed up a lot. However when I went to directly read about it, I'd get a Web MD type thing that said ""sometimes gets lonely"". Not really helpful lol.

So, if you could list more refined symptoms, what would you want known? 
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bpd,fuckedupmakeup,2019/02/14,"being told i need medication i’ve known that i need to should stop fighting my own internalized prejudice of medicating. i’ve never taken an SSRI or mood stabilizer beyond recreational xanax but lately, my partners have been telling me that i need to talk about it with my new therapist as i’m in the process of being diagnosed and i’m still having trouble accepting it. i agree that i’m way too up and down and having trouble functioning when depressed.

being told that i need to take something makes me feel angry and alone. it’s a stigma that i’m not sure that can handle following me around and impacting many life choices to come. for example, i want to be a foster parent at some point in the next 5-6 years and i’m concerned about the effect my mental health diagnosis and treatment will have on my ability to do that. it’s just a scary step to take and as much as i need to, and am being told that i need to, im afraid. 

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bpd,bbbbk86,2019/02/14,"Cant stop feeling isolated and lonely I will keep it short.
I dont wanna feel like the loneliest person on earth.
I am the loneliest I have ever been. I have been single for 4 years, my longest online dating thing was for 3 weeks. It seems I cant make friends or meet anyone and my current friends just cant take my neediness anymore.
Sometimes I just want then to feel pity for me but most people don't care. They seem to think I am needy or things are not as serious as they seem.
I feel this immense need to go to a friends place and just sit there, feel a presence. But I dont ven have that. All my family lives outside of Canada and I just havent been able to sustain healthy friendships.
I recently realized I have BPD tendencies which answers a lot of my questions. But it makes me feel even lonelier. :( what should i do?
I feel like i am the lowest i have ever felt.
When i am at work i am ok (even then i feel like a weiro). But there are people around me so I dont feel isolated.
I dont know what to do. This is just really really hard",0.6175684931506851,2.7846943698630184,2.4089326484018265,94.04435787671234,84.75342465753424,5.659132420091325,20.99714611872146,6.996647511020387,0.4598324200913244,813,26,181,11,24,268,115,219,0.195,0.725,0.081,-0.9714,2,3,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,1,14,11,0,0,7,1,30,0,0,2,3,48,53,16,0,4,12,0,11,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,2,18,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,5,11,32,8,17,46,4,18,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,8,14,127,43,1,0.1025806400309182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173243067043317,0.07172676862829899,0.0,0.0,0.09131851798614828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919672511340008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458779915279696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808949845419765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550709055872795,0.18558012352088124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967038979779807,0.0,0.4668106842269792,0.21985088920400706,0.09849350122221147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776064407682296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058298941701347994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189210457659536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911783861551832,0.0,0.0,0.056375637045493934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034715751250835,0.0,0.09058058451174757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721039183588497,0.0,0.0,0.13694674754472416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606224478835565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422329993806277,0.0895694581552614,0.10717493565603173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491379351697024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143156946242998,0.0,0.10128600660990857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28015668607424205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145487597075188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576200832284997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712787498508239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630003822938486,0.0657295321071092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060504719262973676,0.0,0.0822840018639809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467992767203471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605856894151753
bpd,userreddit,2019/02/14,"Could I get your feedback on my perspective of different layers of my trauma? https://i.imgur.com/px5wcpV.png

I don't know why I felt I needed to make the above visualization but I felt organizing it as these concentric circles will help capture my barely-audible emotional voice about my own developmental trauma.

At the centre of it all is unprocessed grief. Very early on, I encountered a profound loss. As a young me went through different life phases and couldn't face the weight and reality of my unacknowledged (and unbeknownst to me) grief, I added different defensive mechanisms.

First, it seems like I developed codependency. So deprived from any attention, love, affection, and respect from my primary caregiver that the path of least resistance to organizing my emotional self was to become a codependent of my primary caregiver. I told myself to do and to be as instructed, or risk losing my handful of privileges of being acknowledged as a human being.

The codependency took on its own life and I developed Borderline Personality Disorder, where the codependency was no longer just applicable towards my primary caregiver, but also other people, and other objects of affections. Places, songs, TV shows, few experiences as a child that I still hang on to like dear life itself. I rely on these experiences to tell myself how to feel as they regulate my mood when soothing is needed.

Not having let go of pride for myself, I developed Narcissistic tendencies. Not only always being in my head but using my head only to guide and navigate myself through different phases of life, whether it was high school, or relationships, or any loose interests. ""Why me"" turned into just ""me"" and I became self-centered.

The outermost circle, the way I interact with the world, is chalk full of disassociation. The modus operandus is to be an escapist. If I can pretend it's not happening, if I can let go of my commitment to a person, a responsibility, myself, then it can't hurt me.

These are the the different layers I struggle with. Of course, they are not so neatly segmented. They bleed into each other easily and often, and become evolved monsters with interesting combinations.

Each of these concentric circles have manifested in different ways but they all stem from unprocessed grief. Despite building all these mental models to give myself some breathing room in a suffocating life situation, I have yet to breach the inner-most circle and start grieving.",9.364928571428573,10.395339921428572,9.448666666666668,57.243000000000016,59.30952380952381,13.386666666666667,39.180952380952384,12.688352899677879,5.8661980952380945,1997,94,282,70,25,658,221,420,0.115,0.752,0.133,0.7978,6,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,1,4,4,12,24,1,2,22,0,27,13,5,5,4,58,47,34,4,6,16,0,5,2,0,1,6,2,1,5,18,19,1,1,7,4,0,5,8,13,0,1,8,7,49,10,57,29,12,34,0,8,0,1,17,19,0,8,10,224,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064980176510081,0.0735104680064803,0.0,0.0,0.12015583241404272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514115450246566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053663044507222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538129734795191,0.1012515070848374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987534167468004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728375490373671,0.0,0.0,0.04467009966277581,0.0,0.1696509183681565,0.0,0.0,0.07514657051348622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615683648272791,0.08474897855663177,0.10041747807514108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781235645887104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133578050944765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921607388198021,0.0933417884601338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945756010662994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855233329953485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067835841935564,0.3120049199350203,0.08632222102482869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883592892856864,0.0,0.0,0.0797351922632961,0.0,0.05897125495640108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903140594556297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101402144670685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438134830480686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061247591637394565,0.15427962906400858,0.09230216224658652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484992048747674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941028323399974,0.0,0.0804263538366938,0.18432708437665635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930395544849327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253134414633589,0.0,0.07055276784005482,0.0,0.0,0.0923578165429337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721779249316364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844178363343985,0.0981550140887708,0.0,0.09609444971503428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630207896692692,0.0,0.0728942251318827,0.0,0.14024896710973794,0.0,0.10758092315918337,0.0,0.08189709095276722,0.1594360035528801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ScaryCourgette,2019/02/14,Sad I have HF autism and I’ve been diagnosed with EUPD because I cry am trans (unstable sense of self) and hurt myself too much to be autism alone so now it feels like I’m free game for doctors to be horrible to me. ,1.6241304347826109,3.2284503260869606,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,78.34782608695652,7.208695652173913,22.369565217391305,8.07648339933343,0.9471478260869564,169,5,39,3,4,56,38,46,0.27,0.626,0.10400000000000001,-0.8519,0,1,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,3,6,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550721702021521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898815330483692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765865623815635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479688421397094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509046710518421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334694660518368,0.2449203604779869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36701041170621385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674911579758718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25202211015227205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576501675006997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,InternationalBPD,2019/02/14,"What I do if my friend is splitting and hates me? Hello, I apologize for my English, I am learning international student. I made a friend two years ago while here in USA, and he tell me he has BPD. We have talked about it and I do my research about it and have helped him through things before. He has always been good to me but I have not been able to talk to him for a month now. 

I think first, let it wait, maybe he will contact me and I will stay positive. But I am worried now because he unblock me and say mean things to me and about our friendship. I do my best to support him and be good friend, but I do not know what I did wrong and he does not want to talk! He avoid me in class too. 

What could I do? I don't want him to hate me forever. Do I go to his house and try to talk? I want to show him I support him and still try to be his good friend. 

Thank you for your help. ",0.6775275735294137,2.128343192708336,2.151164215686276,99.75584558823532,80.61458333333334,5.350980392156863,20.148284313725487,5.900188976854957,-0.3815193627450984,671,17,173,4,17,217,94,192,0.09300000000000001,0.669,0.23800000000000002,0.9884,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,2,0,2,8,15,2,1,2,0,24,0,0,1,0,30,38,16,0,5,7,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,8,12,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,4,1,41,11,20,28,1,12,0,0,0,0,34,2,0,1,8,122,49,4,0.12221631325179445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833738758734016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169376317021794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450193018748652,0.0,0.10399708092046583,0.0,0.12825848061043293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392716815576632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757978129963768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695231932784648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395713361774378,0.0,0.0,0.3776960817906528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945834729703891,0.3075277351256929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413266136293245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383803712672226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102121641625093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716688953046962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497446070852088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564403066567625,0.0,0.0,0.12278271365043253,0.1331293940711596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755189522594032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719131770145194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026632852850042,0.0976021056361308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277379247898598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929313724805089,0.10682244468413092,0.11252036096271707,0.0,0.0,0.16239017580172282,0.0783112786533121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595370841693727,0.0,0.11938757932212192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625904421419165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241165986282194,0.0,0.0,0.13362435270256104,0.0,0.07870329871492711
bpd,RedPanther9887,2019/02/14,"My Mother is Going to Ruin My Wedding Hi Everyone,

 

This is my first post here as I’ve just had the latest run-in with my mother’s BPD. I’m hoping a group of people who understand can help calm down my anxiety and frustration.

Background: My mother has the trappings of someone with BPD, the fear of abandonment, rapid mood swings, inability to maintain relationships, etc. She was diagnosed bipolar decades ago but through my research and what I can glean from my therapist friends and my own therapist I am certain she has Borderline Personality Disorder. This past weekend my girlfriend and I got engaged and are extremely excited to tie the knot. My mother seemed excited at first but today I was texting her and let her know that we were thinking of planning the wedding for next spring (Spring 2020). I will be 25 and my fiancé will be 26. From then on she went off the handle telling me she can’t afford a wedding right now, I’m too young, my fiancé’s family lacks any stability or safety, my brother and I are continuing to abandon her and that my brother and I are toxic and, per her therapist’s instruction, she needs to get away from the toxic people in her life. We have no intention of asking my mother for any money for the wedding but I’m concerned how I move forward from here. We have a long wedding planning process ahead of us (15 months or so) and I can’t have this extremely exciting and happy event become anxiety ridden because my mother flies off the handle constantly. I’m also concerned about exposing my fiancé directly to this abuse. She knows what I’ve been through with my mother but she’s never been the target of my mother’s ire. 

Any advice on how I can keep focused on this exciting time in my life and tamper down the anxiety of my mother’s pending meltdowns?

TLDR; Mother has BPD and flew off the handle regarding abandonment, money problems, and disapproval when I told her my new fiancé (engaged last week) and I’s plan for our approximate wedding date. Advice ",5.553364770606152,7.0500843050397926,6.287916298261128,74.85092150505945,68.0185676392573,9.192612240888103,32.795854209647324,9.53975657930432,3.3054164259750483,1601,71,270,34,27,525,189,377,0.10800000000000001,0.782,0.11,0.5864,1,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,5,0,0,6,11,19,1,1,15,0,28,4,0,3,2,48,47,30,0,4,7,12,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,10,23,0,4,5,1,2,6,4,7,0,2,10,0,54,11,42,32,3,46,0,4,0,0,47,14,0,4,27,190,64,2,0.0,0.12585194178230955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075916181777907,0.0941565818705276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494315812849433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166973356855603,0.0,0.2437713373491422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930026540310527,0.0,0.09979608512546127,0.0,0.0,0.06475001147277186,0.11731034999498015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013366853305175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478481780385465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780987421736242,0.0,0.0,0.1217359789012769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846207055425415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149664176637953,0.0,0.0,0.10013365751326853,0.11952571174401247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069936114369226,0.0,0.0,0.08206440278668578,0.0,0.05549495344798181,0.0,0.06036660759050291,0.0,0.084952899778873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307191720788792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119624120432194,0.0,0.0,0.10549926272986043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441217451187488,0.0,0.0,0.11675017967303038,0.08658252140604944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861594785955447,0.15005099852382195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400031999474297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478285487603654,0.11289380392040907,0.0,0.07875991483881897,0.08192250809813094,0.10258680567514464,0.1129649282754492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139788994170487,0.14727752184619958,0.09274618328839432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172827533184092,0.0,0.0,0.1016370729340362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403926965330465,0.0,0.09071029847809364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966976314294938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999886800925565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928399371860672,0.0,0.0,0.3699847372931999,0.0,0.06806073585595597,0.0,0.0,0.061937052615666566,0.0,0.10068302880931117,0.10149664176637953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057754563423336,0.12776817133267876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520233655260834,0.0,0.0,0.09846591743023078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sammydabs,2019/02/14,"BPD and BDD Hi all, I struggle with BPD, and BDD.  I have a really hard time accepting myself and my appearance.  When I look at myself in the mirror, my mood and whole sense of self turn abruptly negative, I occasionally resort to self harm as a release.  I seem to have patches in my day where I get an enlightening sense of acceptance with myself though it never seems to stick.  Anyone else feel like they can’t achieve acceptance? ",6.4141463414634154,6.9183745609756135,6.923073170731707,74.63778048780492,65.58536585365853,10.462439024390244,31.03414634146341,10.355215969177356,3.140616585365853,342,12,63,8,5,112,58,82,0.125,0.7120000000000001,0.163,0.5378,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,16,10,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,3,13,4,11,10,2,10,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,3,6,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390565890977862,0.20376883669432372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009470316437916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825659895454716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661328290313783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005561378492361,0.14207487361402754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039029070246185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815109856206351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971592768132802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700318868378725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338307743824608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740310276576094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620929249841512,0.4149357141768921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790518494152369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953916614377777,0.0,0.1159644151307698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163166593546619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203454400786612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShipsHollow,2019/02/14,"My most beautiful though of my favourite place in the world.. And it still isn’t anywhere near as beautiful as you. As this community. I’m almost 28 and was diagnosed with BPD almost a year ago. 

Since I can remember I’ve been the most volatile, toxic and horrible person in the world. I’ve been sent to rehab. I’ve been hospitalised countless times. I’ve lost everything, fiancé, best friends and family because they thought I was on drugs. I’ve always put myself down.. I’ve always been so harsh on myself I wouldn’t begin to be able to tell you.

Then I was diagnosed. I hadn’t heard of this before. After I was allowed to leave I looked it up. And it all came crashing down. My anger and hate. My resentment and loathing.. and I forgave myself. I forgave myself for almost everything. I hold no grudges. No anger. But have stepped away from my past life.  I can forgive, but I will not forget what happened.

Today I discovered this sub. I discovered you. It was like cutting the spine off a book I had never read and seeing the world for the first time, it being splayed all over the floor. Jesus.. I’m not alone.. And neither are you ❤️ ",1.233706509973711,3.8445597713004496,2.4896830060306168,90.90892376681614,88.05829596412556,5.587072831297356,22.03943095716716,7.0983637204850245,0.9058672955002316,891,32,176,14,29,285,126,223,0.098,0.8079999999999999,0.09300000000000001,0.2151,1,1,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,4,1,3,3,10,5,0,9,0,20,6,1,1,3,31,32,18,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,1,9,12,0,1,3,2,0,4,9,6,0,1,16,3,29,4,25,12,6,32,1,1,2,0,11,16,0,5,13,120,38,2,0.14045749265193794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245070925157822,0.0,0.4219436695444148,0.14547160262397102,0.0,0.0,0.2337437714031042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196443792441864,0.0,0.0,0.08562158384130804,0.0,0.11951898106364175,0.0,0.14740147299954748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690129504749014,0.0,0.0,0.1606459532908266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851227968694477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628860991736273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524682752883065,0.0,0.13241082367552082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947307149699506,0.0,0.0,0.10851711040301218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242060968841158,0.0,0.0,0.1386726949892683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872420425747945,0.0,0.0,0.09920928088161016,0.0686204361277399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794891870416155,0.0,0.15332594526231738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108329477262934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340825698328444,0.0,0.12264206488562385,0.14674818496786346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141198574734982,0.0,0.0,0.1404955024442161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911095862283114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192643655071773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116187889369363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216953506817746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122766039492384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799877338888705,0.11150755991146218,0.16380378698916026,0.0,0.13313727977049625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045002018806067
bpd,hgfsgjiufxbj,2019/02/14,Having a hard to dealing with my feelings right now. I feel so angry that it feels like there is spring inside me and if I try to release tension it makes me depressed and cry. I’ve been dealing with this for the past 48hours. What would you do? ,1.7505999999999986,3.9366928600000013,2.2340000000000018,96.857,80.4,4.0,24.0,3.1291,-0.0686,193,7,41,0,5,59,42,50,0.252,0.7040000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,9,4,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,1,5,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034432754839959,0.0,0.5695950221854335,0.2379302875559101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190348556813092,0.19735020800041114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24746216880149105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495984899033706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439635980629812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637080787885253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591258705427015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755291062367804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623724286023567,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,midnightsky24,2019/02/14,"Not sure what to do... Poor social skills... So I'm getting really fed up with guy friends! (I'm a woman). Lately anytime I have had a guy friend, they end up flirting with me and making moves! It's like, ""Can't I just have a normal friend who is a guy?!"" I don't understand why! How do I get them to stop?! Even when I ""friend zone"" them they still do it!! I had to stop being friends with most of them because it was just so uncomfortable! Help!",-0.9375930521091788,1.1802238924731192,1.1569892473118273,99.50933002481388,95.0215053763441,4.151861042183623,15.75599669148056,5.8734145424116955,-0.7518876757650949,334,8,80,3,13,110,58,93,0.105,0.652,0.243,0.9322,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,5,1,8,8,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,2,1,15,19,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,5,4,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,12,8,9,14,1,9,0,0,0,0,17,2,0,1,7,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812268766019068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256709345497642,0.0,0.0,0.10631577521292257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6218052769028596,0.0,0.16819499672777533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47814156952312703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789135599163498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157537881540506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863930237202467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744529727612824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710801775766681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577113915878793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311821423686614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640834090473643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854674908703995,0.2691476692788793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170748028763706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675701011583756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524575414684796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,donthrowitallaway01,2019/02/14,"Constant daydreaming related to BPD? Hi all, this is my first post in this sub and I've been lurking for a bit. I am not diagnosed BPD but I exhibit many, many symptoms of it. Grew up with a single mother, have anxious attachment style, tend to jump from one relationship to another, etc.

One of the things I've done since I was a very young girl is that I daydream heavily about the perfect romantic partner. This is actually a character I've dreamed up in my head and he has a specific look, personality, sometimes his background changes (sometimes he's rich, sometimes he's poor) but the thing that is constant is that he worships and admires me and treats me the way I'd always wanted to be treated. I won't get into the more embarassing details of this but I've seen a lot of things mentioned here about romantic relationships - does anyone else do this? Or feel that their need for attention/admiration/validation causes tension in their real relationships? 

I tend to daydream heavily when things are stagnant with my husband, or if they're bad and I keep feeling like it makes things worse between us (because I am comparing) but at the same time, I get so much pleasure out of it I don't want to stop it. I sometimes feel like it's a form of cheating. ",4.533848001747106,6.361901742738593,5.416593142607557,78.82027735313387,70.99170124481326,8.725136492683992,33.84603625245687,9.276330184999452,3.2602813278008287,1004,51,184,22,19,328,143,241,0.085,0.747,0.16699999999999998,0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,2,2,5,12,1,1,13,0,17,3,1,2,2,32,31,14,0,4,8,2,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,3,19,9,0,2,3,1,2,2,3,3,0,3,4,5,20,9,28,25,9,19,1,0,2,0,18,8,0,4,9,124,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.1019125500176272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689748029821978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950818786723664,0.0,0.11798072970361034,0.0,0.07302270308268086,0.1070050067815864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719805414466354,0.06366201632060796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140149142923392,0.0,0.2630620137399681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728251809559802,0.11047735793773583,0.0,0.0,0.2257121745054784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599834371974674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139092479136676,0.1068722730126684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724123269062159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647155108488658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841495275298953,0.14921538603439982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883153389934613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912494227440968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071794456048962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928257657091928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204238531228448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769828413194747,0.0,0.0,0.08878607904055957,0.0,0.0,0.06971052701342363,0.2117594328757341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677102953422127,0.07743651112690596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153440512533774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911877681544926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001893400692734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886879144057427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363691996677929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638891010237099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131517103576576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731152663502326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854694587291684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469066504780328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060896323641996764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256212813499757,0.0,0.0,0.0861690132579944,0.12319579521941353,0.08289487325253979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642720021402544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zagonormus,2019/02/14,"Thank you so much for existing r/BPD I recently found out i might be suffering from bpd and figured id take a look for a subreddit about it.. 
And having read a few posts now its made me realized Just how big an impact BPD has had on my life the last few years (and Will have continuing forward i guess), i always knew i was weird or down right abusive to certain people in my life, but i did never know why or why i couldnt fucking stop myself. After discovering this subreddit though i see alot of me and my issues reflected in what people are posting and in a way its kinda comforting knowing its an legitimate medical fucking issue and not simply me needing to ""Just stop being shitty and to be better"" 
ofc this does not mean im going stop working on not making people around me feel like shit.
But i dunno, its the first time ive ever found a community of people that get what it feel like to have a brain thats Split in way to many parts. ",4.230396634615381,5.010937432291668,5.718958333333332,80.3661057692308,70.51041666666666,8.616025641025642,26.74839743589744,8.841846274778883,1.9376445512820508,745,23,148,13,13,253,123,192,0.08,0.795,0.125,0.7865,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,9,11,3,0,11,0,15,7,2,3,3,45,35,14,0,2,9,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,12,9,0,3,11,1,0,2,5,5,0,1,7,4,19,6,21,22,5,30,0,1,2,2,1,12,3,7,16,104,31,2,0.0,0.12799442159926833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898871819837095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096167001654888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554117093341316,0.0,0.0,0.4081689656747738,0.12059394469979702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453522311796406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771667586881994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924347202535577,0.1543491308748378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918877765626786,0.0,0.2368922282968959,0.0,0.19973858403607453,0.056439689111345885,0.0,0.06139427737890106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900400446337217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668778076569225,0.2255044042724977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187377128015096,0.08805648598686401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260543853721384,0.10555314638743364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071553741689928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221783230084636,0.07210891278241444,0.10952250061995282,0.0,0.11767315614257695,0.0,0.10882591511433892,0.0,0.11459965738460184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941233139484546,0.08010070883482613,0.08331714148772522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698279729557105,0.0,0.2995694934271992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692015676504005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805631072253882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666370611434528,0.0,0.0,0.09225453356042383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608359410503519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108882422126074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27094642066665137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122291781447319,0.0,0.0,0.09945681866250833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613605472929273,0.0,0.06299145736518176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149373104941973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495526902168164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864499869690009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956589582062707
bpd,TurbulentTrip,2019/02/14,"A Brief Reminder About Valentine's Day It's stupid. You're not. Valentine's day sucks, you don't. Nothing is actually different, the earth and universe don't know there's a made-up holiday happening, and it's not even valentine's day in lots of countries. I'm not a fan of it when I'm in a relationship or when I'm single. Don't give this made up holiday more energy than it deserves, tomorrow it won't be valentine's day and it will be as if it never happened. That's all.",2.6709,4.11684889,4.625,84.1675,75.1,8.200000000000001,29.5,8.841846274778883,2.3519,379,17,80,8,8,130,57,100,0.061,0.8270000000000001,0.11199999999999999,0.5486,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,2,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,2,13,17,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,12,4,12,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,3,8,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.21575499499533365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.570347095065509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309952562772501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460299225719025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120926698187756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910238370202176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150699832385865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879654668216812,0.0,0.4184073176080077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705206464271563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121448144465224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373712723256572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,breakable_angel,2019/02/14,"I need help with my BPD mother-I'm so drained- Any advice? I'm sure many of you are well aware of the well...i'm not sure how to put it. The erratic and unstable environment when living with someone with BPD. Usually when my mom goes off of her medication we see the same thing: Complete disconnect from reality. She doesn't see what's really happening and everything is so irrational and about her. It's hard to cope with but I've grown used to it and it's usually just a time to buckle up your seat belts for this emotional hell. My mom jumps from ""I love you so so so so much never leave my side"" to ""god i hate you get away from me"" and even gets so irrational to the point to where she is accusing my dad of trying to hit her or..now saying he is a pervert and locking him out of the bedroom at night? My dad is a good guy and he doesn't know how to handle it. He loves her so much but-like me- has a hard time coping with her irrational behavior and constant jumps. She goes on spending sprees and cheats on my dad. She yells and curses like a sailor because someone blinked incorrectly and will poor hot coffee on the ground and throw plates and other objects at my dad's head. Instead of throwing things at me and my sisters she throws OUR things-like phones or anything breakable that we care about- at walls and across the house until they break. It is so unbelievably draining. And when we offer help or even mention getting back on her medication she loses it. So we usually just ride it out. The last time she was forced to take her medication was when there was a serious threat from child services to take us-which would result in the loss of her job because of her job-- so she got back on them. But this time is a bit more extreme. She is claiming that she has been ""sending signs"" to my father that she is unhappy in the relationship for 6 months. But last month my mom was clingy and lovey and \*cringes\* i hate saying this but wanting to have intercourse with him almost every night. She wants a divorce and claims my dad treats her horribly. This has completely blindsided him. As i said he loves her so so much and he is trying his best to even get her to look at him. It's valentines day and he wants to take her out to dinner. She said no and told him to get away from her. When he let her know that it was hurting him she yelled saying ""oh it's all about you isn't it?"" to which he replied, ""it's about what you're doing to me. It's about us."" and she walked out of the room past him (i was standing there.) He hasn't slept or eaten in 3 days because of this. He went back to nicotine. He's looking to me for help. He's falling apart. I don't think there is much we can do to bring her back to reality right now. He broke down in my room this morning after she told him that she didn't want to go to dinner with him tonight. He told me how he can't handle it. How much it hurts him. But he says she is worth it and he loves her and he wants to fix it. He knows it's not him and he can't figure out what he did to make her so unhappy. And right this very second he is calling a friend of his and asking if he can sleep on their couch for a few days. It hurts me so much to see my dad hurt like this. He can't figure out what he has done and when he tries all she says is ""the time for talking is over."" Me and my mother no longer have a relationship because she has done so much damage to me. So me and multiple therapist have decided i'm better off with not expecting anything from her anymore. I can't and won't handle her loving me so much that its suffocating to withdrawing all love to the point where i feel like i've wronged her and it feels cold. I have enough mental health issues as it is so i've made the decision to break off from her. Her erratic behavior no longer affects my emotions for the most part. But i don't know how to cope with seeing my dad fall apart. I don't know how to help him. I don't know how he can make this situation better. It hurts me so much to see him this way and to know he has done nothing to deserve it. Does anyone have any advice other than to ""let your dad handle it"" or ""it's not your problem focus on you""? I need something real. I need somewhere to start. I need an action. Or even some experiences from those with or without BPD? And for reference im not mad at my mom and i understand that she can't see what she's doing but i am frustrated and drained and just want to do something or help in some way. 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bpd,LieutenantRedbeard,2019/02/14,Can you help me find someone I love and miss? Originally there was a #bpd IRC server that freya/paige used to go on..there's a lot of unsaid words and feelings that I need to say...if anyone has any leads to any members of the original irc server or can just upvote so that she may see this if she still goes here..yeah..ty.,2.6861764705882365,3.6407599705882383,3.7698823529411776,92.25747058823532,74.29411764705883,6.616470588235294,20.95294117647059,6.742157984588678,0.13259647058823545,250,5,58,2,5,81,53,68,0.025,0.833,0.142,0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,4,0,15,12,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,1,5,10,1,5,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,4,3,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40559457473210975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851974728135994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37559294786906944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078710464534267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27256426476917983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948317654365397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998880771821775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535328053068375,0.2691518234901344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221123582788355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371535444985714,0.0,0.0,0.2376397540632977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25267767470076274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23815589550121535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575631049113325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,littleblackDRS,2019/02/14,"I did a stupid thing. I did a stupid thing.

I went to go see my ex. I put an $800 flight on my credit card, didn’t tell my family or friends where I was going, and just up and left my apartment one day and flew to another continent.

I wanted to see him. I still love the bones of him. And I was hoping that maybe reconciliation was on the cards. But I did a stupid thing, and now he doesn’t want me. He says I am tainted. 

I think he’s seeing someone else now. I’m torn. I want him to be happy. But I want him. I know anyone else is probably better for him than I am, but I love him to his soul.

I’m home now. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. No one knows that I want him back so badly. Everyone is treating me like I’m made of glass, obviously because I disappeared for 10 days and left he country without telling anyone. 

I’m so lost. I know I should just leave him alone and let him get on with his life. But I love him so manically. I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to not want him when I love him like this. 

I’m so sad. I feel like I’m going to drown in myself. He’s the only person who ever makes me feel like this. I know that’s a bad thing, but he’s the only person who makes me feel anything. It’s a stupid thing.

This has gotten too long. I’m sorry. I don’t have anyone to talk to. ",-0.7746927966101679,1.021085135593225,1.9253125000000004,97.67864671610172,87.47457627118642,4.907838983050848,15.659427966101697,6.158741222570753,-0.745625,1005,19,256,9,32,348,132,295,0.157,0.682,0.161,-0.4424,0,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,2,18,22,4,0,10,0,22,6,1,5,2,43,64,20,1,8,10,1,3,4,1,1,1,1,1,2,15,8,0,0,10,0,1,9,9,8,0,2,12,7,51,14,25,49,0,28,1,2,3,4,35,10,0,2,15,157,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219175146553557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333903411037643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489628842047692,0.09120545387963404,0.0732510111572667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844634030500146,0.14864609320418265,0.05426216275342437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872572849953077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481344753668632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871969945870125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805183400953588,0.0,0.0850567771214872,0.0,0.0,0.0839145615188882,0.0,0.13502459465890604,0.12718336663321578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877206473000011,0.0,0.0465061878368064,0.0,0.151766275160835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475715347102603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928838952243183,0.0884110756802141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935188939807448,0.0,0.0,0.09425306814868177,0.19342813736244124,0.0910229373913082,0.06287328386526472,0.17395115139544934,0.0,0.0,0.07877466808748909,0.0,0.0,0.097169393777701,0.0,0.32135476442267336,0.08422728374488342,0.11883519187892587,0.0,0.08942661719824688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460788998869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063650148061845,0.13539845236935302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544733901614982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597224381136728,0.0,0.0,0.08948374579266716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078757672538474,0.0,0.0,0.2127981138885139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542134916216611,0.0,0.0,0.0996439854917938,0.0,0.0,0.07108676684989018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309230667452527,0.15560447533593055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29568502878836483,0.05703663431297939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150168975359364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251695275005798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580640579194898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nickelbareback,2019/02/14,"How many other people on here have bpd as a result of sexual trauma growing up? If not, are there many other causes? What's your cause?",1.5611111111111102,3.9955799259259273,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,83.07407407407408,5.0814814814814815,12.703703703703706,6.42735559955562,-0.4742740740740738,106,1,19,1,3,36,25,27,0.11900000000000001,0.82,0.061,-0.3899,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,6,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905515630271122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6371023247641827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6287717205502971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497959864455168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gravity53,2019/02/14,"so my girlfriend told me she has BPD. She also showed me all her personalities that night. One is a little girl, into cartoons, dd/lg, kid stuff, puppies. One is a tougher individual, who normally deals with the hardship in life, one is a darker personality that is somewhat suicidal, and comes out whenever she is really sad. This personality scares me because she said when it comes out she just wants to hurt herself. Her fingers start trying to claw at her. We had a slight problem yesterday and I saw this personality come out, she said she couldn’t even talk. All she could do was scratch herself.. She is a former cutter...


Anyways, I’m just looking for tips, advice anything is appreciated. I like her a lot. She is 18. Has awful parental support. Her mom died in her arms. Her Dad is a shitty one, and an alcoholic. She’s been homeless. Can anyone tell me about their experiences with BPD or if any medicine helps them control their personalities better?",3.9730009970089735,6.571078197740114,5.003921568627451,77.73146560319044,74.9322033898305,7.328547690262545,29.055832502492517,8.313332769828598,2.32042333000997,759,33,135,14,17,248,118,177,0.14800000000000002,0.7709999999999999,0.081,-0.9313,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,3,2,8,7,0,1,9,1,18,4,2,1,2,27,30,8,2,6,4,3,2,1,1,0,2,2,0,7,7,13,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,4,0,4,7,6,31,3,13,21,4,16,0,2,2,0,43,8,0,4,6,98,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439972614126055,0.0,0.12511252974282255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362106343957552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961180730889801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818582642611936,0.0,0.09633886830744408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136495823048662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353915216324634,0.0,0.0,0.2948918477233873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025370494394771,0.0,0.0,0.1313042776628978,0.09347109530000218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069432177661532,0.0,0.0,0.12150047128610192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773238181529167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451720131478985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846974331194784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532615981999518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269020343415973,0.0571946270824686,0.11733517956026406,0.0,0.0,0.09830955325767493,0.0,0.0,0.09952896858102073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711130114976314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986253053084148,0.11470402148092827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31731941568042504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299926955218606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111062798187002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202045064743384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499822138282045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227212969171859,0.0,0.11720777688581513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286294923728846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401746581756438,0.12805588890176287,0.1328499703999083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409665935483777,0.1023245878835218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118656728460694,0.0,0.0794830378190544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905108641021022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Toga2k,2019/02/14,"Does anyone else get extreme tics when they're having an especially bad episode? Like if I start getting really bad I will not be able to stop from clenching my jaw, and if I try my neck ""flexes"" and gets super stiff and tight, and if i try to focus on stopping that I'll start crying, and then my fist will clench and if I try to stop that I will physically bend over even into a standing fetal position. It gets hard to breathe and I always end up looking like I'm on some drugs. I've been told to stop faking it before because it's not possible that it's real, and a lot of the time I can't tell if I'm faking it to myself, but it doesn't stop.

Is this just a me thing? Is it bpd? Another disorder?",2.563981818181816,3.4713187800000007,4.438848484848486,87.52609090909094,74.53333333333333,7.321212121212122,23.63636363636364,7.686295010490155,0.9454000000000008,547,15,122,7,11,187,92,150,0.17300000000000001,0.7859999999999999,0.042,-0.9345,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,5,0,10,5,3,0,0,28,20,16,0,5,9,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,12,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,13,3,13,14,2,18,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,7,13,75,25,0,0.1374057424473167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433258506069545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408190158339895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607728996180752,0.14078842099667482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294561110036263,0.08376126524189224,0.0,0.11692216641153245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730577224963501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093375600177852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747888511987534,0.0,0.12024469117660508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934703780283316,0.0,0.11478486629496393,0.0,0.12170070362323293,0.0,0.0,0.09075519698203198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715531686338264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308855599446325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425901025523795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538621713520887,0.0,0.0,0.11681744855285944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490432901717152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639781685039206,0.08802563708687178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945129834553718,0.0,0.0,0.574386766539103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009867530220986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128626972331942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801223934087404,0.0,0.0,0.1312970753021412,0.0,0.27986843871572903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fckngxbstrd,2019/02/14,"my fp is missing shes not really missing, her grandmother knows where she is but refuses to tell me. my fp is 16 and her guardian was her grandmother, until she gave her up to the state. she doesn't have a phone but she knows my number by heart, but I haven't talked to her since the last time i saw her which means shes probably not being allowed to contact me. her grandmother told me that i need to move on with my life because she will be gone for a long time, and that we will not be together anymore. at first i was sad, separation anxiety to the max. angry. now i feel numb, except i cry every time i think about her. i can only imagine how she feels, considering she has bpd too. it took me so long to learn how to live with my bpd, or at least not try to kill myself every time i cant deal with my emotions. she's not like me, she says im all that keeps her alive, which considering her family, and her life, i cant blame her for wanting to die. but now we have been forced apart and im afraid she won't be able to stay strong anymore. im afraid i wont be able to stay strong. ",3.3371387696709576,3.517416991416312,4.597613733905583,89.76652074391991,72.2188841201717,8.273419170243205,24.54620886981402,8.238735603445708,1.0527741917024316,841,21,202,12,15,279,119,233,0.134,0.779,0.087,-0.8935,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,2,0,0,3,8,10,1,2,5,0,25,4,1,3,1,36,41,13,2,2,11,0,2,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,6,9,0,2,8,0,0,3,11,7,0,1,8,4,49,3,25,24,2,23,0,3,1,0,35,6,0,1,12,132,55,1,0.24190306901566785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925275928395847,0.0,0.239902843169862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373093280442007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046684472068539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285958121033825,0.0,0.1246957211135188,0.0,0.0,0.12552859703453184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605419668983612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381376883951632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402234232307787,0.0,0.1223134600682878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288131346424348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332815075071634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919452379679657,0.0,0.0,0.1075072812578798,0.13381495247220068,0.0,0.1329436004192212,0.09859164381015068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086329156942834,0.0590908102625341,0.0,0.10680242090525327,0.21407660383321567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175167923639242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855233970717206,0.0,0.08968403026622995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198909227809236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040621126180196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748465014676502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961855148797529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005235922355048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25783648534321035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721626187469908,0.10571697231452967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750085950370955,0.0,0.0,0.2821112497519715,0.0,0.0,0.11557437448637516,0.13438160522231368,0.08211815246357665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134034879892197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d0gb0y,2019/02/14,"ex (bpd) has been sending mixed signals thru social media. do not know what to do or what it could mean we’ve been separated for about 3 weeks now (pretty short lived relationship only lasted about 2 months, she ended it due to not being able to go through with it anymore), anyways its been pretty much been no contact (besides us still following each other on social media) recently i’ve noticed that she will at often like or retweet my pictures and then unlike or unretweet them followed with a tweet pertaining to something about me. at times i find myself confused because i really do still have feelings for her and i think that she might miss me but i do not know how or if i should approach her about this. and if so if should i do it thru the phone or in person.",8.532485714285713,6.8474473533333375,8.028476190476193,75.66900000000003,62.13333333333333,10.17142857142857,36.095238095238095,8.418075326091056,2.8989238095238097,613,22,114,6,7,194,101,150,0.032,0.941,0.027000000000000003,0.0772,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,2,0,17,0,0,1,0,31,26,15,0,6,12,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,6,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,4,1,17,1,19,16,2,21,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,11,12,92,28,0,0.17510472404068736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736568342054154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674221451191453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053827009778665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980687374541473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550908116643988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885382097832416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004254548364008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951604996227167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192465953897223,0.14273372100935197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554732328502605,0.0,0.15462067939518728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190740378189178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575844063708385,0.0,0.0,0.13976692013276326,0.0,0.12872211997768082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935788890661912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317503315400606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289469092826596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356288911268013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217657003317898,0.0,0.1728947901988687,0.18799694250608606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569944294032181,0.0,0.1348041714093216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796777176217721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220003674640587,0.0,0.0,0.102104972743014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062942294493475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045844747130706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IAmA_NeverNude,2019/02/14,"I've tracked my mood for 500 days straight! Tracking my moods daily has been a tremendous help to identifying what I am really feeling. With BPD, I find I have trouble labeling my emotions correctly because they come and go so quickly. I found myself using umbrella terms like ""mad"" and ""sad"" quite often. 

Just writing a quick blurb when I'm having an intense emotion, positive or negative, helps me identify the facts of the situation and determine what the underlying emotion really is. Anyway. Just wanted to share my accomplishment with you folks. Hopefully I can do another 500 and then some!

[Pics or it didn't happen. ](https://i.imgur.com/LjpeFUA.jpg)",5.991355519480518,9.170096008928574,6.080909090909093,69.60045454545455,71.05357142857143,9.787012987012988,34.28896103896104,10.018931242160765,4.470257142857143,531,27,77,16,11,168,89,112,0.054000000000000006,0.763,0.183,0.9096,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,2,8,8,1,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,2,22,18,9,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,1,13,3,7,15,2,10,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,5,7,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012279811039498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698284180114164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24169625559967306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530822535834516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376214555676032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6475982045405928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703238250948176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753966962871556,0.0,0.0,0.2104127311542488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906341397021978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696999930468679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25725829022110513,0.0,0.0,0.19060388224416192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375455654656932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411342924949685,0.0,0.0,0.2458771163028721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570803428970836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574336230454387,0.0,0.0,0.11318989764743966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_badwolfa_,2019/02/14,"I think I have bpd? I’m 19 and in a relationship, and we’ve been together a year and a half. We’ve had a few pretty huge fights , but I’ve realized when I fight with him, and when he’s sad I really don’t feel anything but anger, I couldn’t care less if he’s sobbing if he’s pissed me off. I mean I love him and stuff but when we fight I feel all my love leave and I’m just intensely angry. 
Does it sound like BPD?
Thanks!",-0.15135416666666754,1.3311340729166687,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,83.27083333333334,6.3500000000000005,16.916666666666664,7.3871296695380915,-0.2365333333333335,325,6,87,5,9,111,58,96,0.28300000000000003,0.491,0.226,-0.7748,0,0,0,0,3,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,4,12,5,0,4,0,5,3,1,0,1,21,15,14,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,2,3,13,5,3,12,3,7,0,2,0,2,12,3,2,2,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785726156499516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5466081292730268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212460926912611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898982742606102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194435695779324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977180309781384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601530139056856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917021753551455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363767550470657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076714302531225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901583853657884,0.0,0.0,0.23297692733042766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24841322961618434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199784562880794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904491987518608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397409677369256
bpd,Niffle1234,2019/02/14,"I think I have bpd? I’m 19 and in a relationship, and we’ve been together a year and a half. We’ve had a few pretty huge fights , but I’ve realized when I fight with him, and when he’s sad I really don’t feel anything but anger, I couldn’t care less if he’s sobbing if he’s pissed me off. I mean I love him and stuff but when we fight I feel all my love leave and I’m just intensely angry. 
Does it sound like BPD?
Thanks!",-0.15135416666666754,1.3311340729166687,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,83.27083333333334,6.3500000000000005,16.916666666666664,7.3871296695380915,-0.2365333333333335,325,6,87,5,9,111,58,96,0.28300000000000003,0.491,0.226,-0.7748,0,0,0,0,3,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,4,12,5,0,4,0,5,3,1,0,1,21,15,14,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,2,3,13,5,3,12,3,7,0,2,0,2,12,3,2,2,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785726156499516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5466081292730268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212460926912611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898982742606102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194435695779324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977180309781384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601530139056856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917021753551455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363767550470657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076714302531225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901583853657884,0.0,0.0,0.23297692733042766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24841322961618434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199784562880794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904491987518608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397409677369256
bpd,sleepyboyblue,2019/02/14,"""you're draining to be around"" haha thanks glad to know we're as good friends as i thought :')",5.91842105263158,4.9235113684210505,4.862105263157896,94.04473684210528,66.89473684210526,7.6,34.78947368421053,3.1291,1.4239052631578946,72,3,17,0,1,21,16,19,0.0,0.377,0.623,0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523562636055264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392591115722915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262074278569679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27926288221354195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467831107407495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034099064617701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gildedorchid,2019/02/14,"My ex says I’m a liar but I don’t think I did anything wrong. I apologized profusely but I don’t know what to do now, as he is my FP My long distance ex and I broke up in October after 1.5 years together and started talking again recently and have been talking as if we’re together, saying we love each other every day and he even invited me out to go see him last week. Yesterday I casually told him that recently, a friend of mine, who works as a virtual financial dominatrix (which means you abuse men over Skype and they pay you to be humilated), invited me and another mutual friend over to yell at one of her clients over Skype. It was nothing sexual, no nudity, nothing like that — we literally just yelled at this guy and made him cry over Skype. But when I told him he absolutely flew off the handle - told me I’m a liar and he doesn’t want a liar. That he’s so stupid for putting blind trust in me. And that If I could do this, what else must I have done behind his back in the relationship? 

I was always utterly faithful to him and still have not been dating or hooking up with anyone because I’m so in love with him and want to get back with him so badly. And we’re not together officially right now and haven’t talked about the terms of our relationship as it is right now. So I really don’t think I did anything wrong or that betrayed him.

My BPD flew out of control when he said that, I begged him to forgive me, I started pleading and over qualifying and apologizing and negotiating with a person who flipped out at me when I didn’t do anything wrong. 

Anyway now I feel extremely suicidal and like a bad person. My ex, he’s my favorite person, I love him more than anything and don’t think I could ever find someone better. I would love to know anyone’s take on this or how I should handle things. I have tickets to fly out there next week but I don’t want to put myself in a place where my BPD will be extemely triggered and I just don’t know the right thing to do. ",4.235481481481481,4.904061930864202,5.527160493827164,82.15222222222225,70.43209876543209,9.25925925925926,28.333333333333336,9.444778638647367,2.2664814814814824,1562,54,331,33,27,524,188,405,0.172,0.693,0.136,-0.9617,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,3,2,1,3,24,23,4,0,12,0,34,5,0,4,2,66,65,40,1,10,13,3,1,2,2,4,1,5,0,5,19,30,0,1,10,2,1,5,12,10,0,1,15,8,56,13,49,42,3,58,1,1,2,4,55,26,0,5,29,227,75,3,0.0,0.09928302681143686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972390974064255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786605757167111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171824163665396,0.0,0.27582361976947023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288659162831613,0.13993016220671098,0.05108047626481429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410960975374534,0.0,0.0,0.21107300279882754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398289027181148,0.1338065118597183,0.0,0.09204455208195884,0.054040654520438325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575107922277991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999972626257966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534561437153026,0.0757971107567706,0.07060065555704688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042369122132623664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658684507641578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947916713479504,0.0,0.043779276450146065,0.0,0.0476224636270638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296993514156825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815414034811754,0.06830387098061398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187572342508244,0.0,0.0,0.07415567974679876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025119822678177,0.07928857881560909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127700231239334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911662262727182,0.0,0.0,0.16080656463398274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056781462789760276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194989208352707,0.0875476351038849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847365166109424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368103565444103,0.0,0.16547433023469044,0.17992831427472225,0.0,0.21468066845051909,0.07970795613796712,0.13327383020819775,0.0,0.0,0.06677353336783165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099898419539442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862065127474992,0.0,0.06691856208014944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165781016069953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300319206351702,0.20205303669833027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133896128334347,0.16107679628371466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402083034171839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827286953821564,0.0,0.13443012073634514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100354544087711,0.0,0.0,0.05952535640165015,0.27484907677348125,0.0,0.05396104465821831
bpd,gingerisaginger,2019/02/14,"Wanted to share a success Today without having to think about it I danced. I danced by myself walking in the snow. Something I used to do all the time but never do anymore. It felt phenomenal, I felt like myself. I just wanted to share with some people who’d understand and to maybe spread a little hope. Have a good night everybody.",3.3320833333333333,5.679773875000002,4.241875000000004,83.64895833333338,75.875,6.1416666666666675,23.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,1.0353416666666666,264,8,47,3,6,85,46,64,0.0,0.7440000000000001,0.256,0.9419,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,2,16,13,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,7,6,10,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407993964935866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662657816499386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365507346726366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411622339216381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862328317185013,0.2433564993950885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439323649176097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726780216461972,0.0,0.0,0.2278580127875457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683318691326713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692476612688572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555809839486884,0.0,0.0,0.1415827711475415,0.0,0.2301527377288265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527707515360271,0.0,0.20970737343033055,0.0,0.0,0.2864278340254447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340573773858521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lightpulpfiction,2019/02/14,"Being alone on Valentine’s Day w BPD Holidays have always made me anxious, but Valentine’s Day is starting to become the worst as I get older. I’m only 22, but it feels like everyone around my age has already established a meaningful romantic relationship with someone. I look at their seemingly healthy/stable relationships and wonder how the hell it’s even possible to have that. I’ve very recently started to have a sexual relationship w a guy I really enjoy and it was perfect in the beginning. It felt easy and casual and fun. But as time went on and I let my guard down a bit, things started to feel different. I’m going to be out of town for the next week, but I sort of fantasized about spending my day with him. I was hoping that he’d feel the same way, but he hasn’t reached out to me for a few days. He’s always been the one to initiate things, but he has detached quite a bit. I texted him and asked if things were okay and he said they were. He even said he wanted to see me when I got back into town. But when I texted him telling him when I’d be back, he never responded. I can see that he’s on Instagram (bc if course I checked), but he hasn’t interacted with me at all. The more detached he gets, the tighter I want to hang on. I don’t even want a relationship with this guy, it’s just driving me crazy that he doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. I just feel so fucking stupid for wanting to spend Valentine’s Day with him. I feel stupid for developing feelings for someone who doesn’t like me back. I just feel stupid, period. Tomorrow is going to be so lonely. I’m not expecting to hear from him and my BPD makes it feel like we’ll probably never talk again. It feels like I’m never going to see him again. It’s so disheartening that I can’t even have a casual relationship without feeling this gross and needy. This shit sucks so badly. I hope you all have a good day tomorrow and fill it with love for yourselves... that’s what I’m going to try to do.",3.7154718918456417,4.787029466501245,5.026181227004368,83.77863523573205,71.95285359801488,8.734799349704799,27.296055446222297,9.130062681391069,2.0614563018738767,1557,54,328,32,29,519,185,403,0.155,0.6859999999999999,0.159,-0.4277,1,3,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,1,2,2,22,27,7,0,17,1,29,3,1,3,6,69,79,30,0,9,15,0,11,4,0,1,0,3,0,2,23,20,0,1,15,3,3,8,11,12,0,1,11,18,41,15,47,61,8,54,1,2,4,2,40,15,4,8,34,206,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757909074852375,0.08075434875249611,0.0,0.12178083030717893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267093116074425,0.0725734571529907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514442354977032,0.06841206513279774,0.0,0.0,0.16880936189932633,0.06110103191982321,0.0,0.08081995825518623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978404531721915,0.0,0.1843316419854128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831646619784807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645600866359832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933349663579487,0.0,0.0,0.06992523976743227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700127324966638,0.15683631053092553,0.07026288317001407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765238956067661,0.07646554325737355,0.0,0.16635622366416686,0.06137869514411048,0.05852757079046594,0.0,0.0,0.14491653766488638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247754341397424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536562221739344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483002456503038,0.0,0.1430053710097008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145155084733943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604649774281635,0.06924331264525048,0.04884724983803514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931942539429173,0.0,0.07782621727675851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049587678820042204,0.0556555842254838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824978189545574,0.0,0.0,0.0788988530560372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783439480988807,0.0,0.0,0.046880052467399534,0.0,0.07225498901834537,0.3928318777169448,0.0,0.0,0.13921911603461928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494148778360769,0.1332380056123179,0.0,0.0,0.07511672915946055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240078945435472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553884613350597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881814590035445,0.06396127748415327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584972932234475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267100053031677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968343134706807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037996697542821,0.17265041725819427,0.058085726181346276,0.05869941811375376,0.0,0.0,0.06783724826164443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054151005526263,0.07935901502970104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Flashpoint_Batz,2019/02/14,"(TW) I think my girlfriend is splitting on me (I think that's the term?) It's happened back in the summer before the diagnosis and since then we've started talking again after 3 weeks of not talking and then she was diagnosed and was really stressed out and acted out a lot which ended in a suicide, and then after we were able to talk again they were better than ever and she's still getting a lot better at handling the BPD, and I'm really really proud of her, but recently, we haven't been talking as much and she's been replying to texts slowly and with one word answers, if any. I hope it's just me being paranoid but considering what's happened before, I can't help but be worried. Yesterday she confronted me on how I need to be less worried about this stuff so I don't wanna say anything, and today she told me that I'm moving things really fast but it was never a problem before, with us telling eachother how much we love one another throughout the day and stuff but now she wants her space. Please let me know how to handle this situation and also if I'm in the wrong or anything and feel free to ask for any extra information.

Thanks in advance",4.1633384262796005,5.490273324675329,5.238416093710214,81.70787624140569,71.16450216450217,7.859536541889483,27.87394957983193,8.313332769828598,1.9311087853323143,922,33,176,14,17,304,133,231,0.09,0.7859999999999999,0.124,0.8776,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,4,0,1,4,13,11,1,1,10,0,15,2,0,3,2,49,33,30,1,7,10,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,12,20,0,0,6,0,1,3,5,4,0,2,8,2,25,8,25,21,7,35,0,0,0,1,25,10,0,6,22,133,37,0,0.1089823653108751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715315816486273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822349115188435,0.1142775123759333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936640150304672,0.0,0.10188380002775728,0.0,0.0,0.08380071184412008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782078978471994,0.0,0.0,0.1927720915189833,0.0,0.0,0.1372594740004884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028460973938146,0.0,0.0,0.1106148067297706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652602798564276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858078878185067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551047584548665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693878779368365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274549144923653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073048582218213,0.0,0.0,0.10824407914129096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059893857839778665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144185231152566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530581948208386,0.09836083964868952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583100706033067,0.160229156350325,0.08080904296747721,0.08405391867745489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769854244086386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196299103212596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428140521257964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27926757548439896,0.0,0.1076069380139737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866671511270566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901513387778445,0.12250074479153306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713827909619328,0.0,0.08703345771552518,0.0,0.12483893125063085,0.0,0.24951746895698854,0.11920901909644055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503835882330187,0.09525539087390016,0.10033631973569876,0.0,0.0,0.07240304093308404,0.13966299835233634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330253934120903,0.10413732039120364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109236682426625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064280622696075,0.0,0.0874190797374461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213537642061914,0.0,0.0,0.11915510812911805,0.0,0.0
bpd,FartingEggplant,2019/02/14,"I feel like my diagnosis has ruined my personality I've always been introverted and socially awkward, but I finally started coming out of my shell and being more social in my mid to late 20s. Things were really starting to look up for me although I still struggled a bit with depression and intense emotions in general. I always knew I couldn't handle myself emotionally as well as others seem to, but nothing prepared for learning I have BPD on the cusp of my 30th birthday.

The research about BPD and discussions with my then-boyfriend that followed threw my world into chaos. What I had always assumed was just a phase I'd eventually grow out of, suddenly transformed overnight into lifelong condition with no ""cure"". The hardest part was realizing how ""regular"" people perceive borderlines as batshit crazy; I then began questioning how reasonable I am—if at all—and if my reactions are ever proportional to the situation(s) at hand.

It's been nearly 2 years and I feel like the constant stream of self-questioning has utterly destroyed the person I was prior to my diagnosis. Splitting on my partner ultimately drove him away; one morning he just packed his cats and a couple bags and drove straight to the other side of the country. I regularly play back arguments with past partners, critiquing how I ""borderlined it up"" and how I wish I had reacted differently wondering if my loneliness could have been avoided. I play back daily interactions with coworkers/family/neighbors in my head, questioning if every single thing I did was okay or if they think I'm crazy at all. If something irritates me even the slightest, I simply have no idea if the way I'm feeling is okay. If I suspect I'm being unreasonable, the guilt that ensues is overwhelming. I'm constantly stressed out about nothing and I struggle quite a bit with substance abuse.

I stopped talking to people in general because BPD has obscured my judgement so much, I'm not even sure if anything I say is even interesting. I worry I'm wasting everyone's time and nobody could possibly want to be in my life once my BPD slips out. I don't trust any anything about myself anymore, and I honestly just feel like the empty husk of a person that used to be. 
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bpd,suzy_sweetheart86,2019/02/14,"My favorite person is moving away :( My FP is also my FWB as well as my best friend. Currently we live in the same suburban town and hang out about once per week. He dropped the bomb today that he’s looking into moving to the big city, about a 40 minute drive.  I just know we’ll see each other a lot less frequently and start to drift apart. It doesnt sound that far, but i just know he’ll start a new life there and not need me anymore. The place he’s moving to has a lot of popular nightlife spots and is pretty hip, i can see him making all sorts of new friends and forget about me. I’m devastated",3.1016666666666666,3.971930912698415,4.011269841269844,91.23928571428571,73.2063492063492,7.187301587301588,22.73015873015873,7.3871296695380915,0.5890539682539679,469,11,107,5,9,151,86,126,0.071,0.743,0.18600000000000005,0.9289,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,8,0,7,2,1,1,1,23,18,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,4,12,5,14,16,7,24,0,0,3,0,10,9,0,3,8,63,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299193101642209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111679821528124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263664340071809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049188724509634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25103259247688553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856768148087945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475039689587432,0.0,0.0,0.14345527439798975,0.0,0.13642559561431716,0.0,0.0,0.27623559195625497,0.0,0.0,0.10844340071791404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180082345761382,0.0,0.1204621305576306,0.0,0.3138100188152733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730147401848298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418539223013719,0.1697362617606971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528036136835372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589193854285157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998023751416985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399321071113026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303157197493155,0.0,0.14607117080605314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ysggih,2019/02/14,"DAE feel like they don’t know wether they’re in touch with reality or not? or have trouble letting people go? Recently I’ve had a relationship end. I loved this man like nothing else, still do. I had to go off meds as we were trying for a baby and things became hard. Our baby girl is just over a week old and he hasn’t spoken to me. 

I was horrible to deal during the pregnancy with but the way he puts it now was as if everything was my fault? Like I’ll recount situations and he tells me that’s not what happened when I’m sure it did? A lot has happened with us but I truely felt it was 50/50 in terms of hurting each other. He says I lie and try to manipulate situations with my emotions when I always try to be as honest and open as possible with my feelings. I just feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know if I’m a horrible person who is genuinely out of touch with reality or if he is just gaslighting me or we just see things differently? 

The other part of it is letting him go. There’s something inside my chest that just kills me. He’s blocked me on everything but I just can’t let it go. I still imagine in my head he’ll come back. I sent him an email to say Happy Valentine’s Day and that I loved him so he didn’t have to feel alone today. Everything inside my body says it’s him for me. I know us BPD people have abandonment issues but I feel like I just really miss him. 

Is anyone else having these issues? Ways to deal with it? ",1.9164337957124853,3.4999240393442648,3.880081967213117,88.13810529634304,77.45901639344262,7.0529634300126105,22.22257250945776,7.882392219407189,0.908810844892812,1132,32,250,18,26,385,149,305,0.114,0.775,0.111,-0.2664,1,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,5,0,1,0,15,16,1,0,9,0,28,5,3,1,1,54,54,24,1,3,20,0,9,5,0,1,0,3,0,3,18,19,0,2,10,0,0,8,7,6,0,0,11,13,38,10,31,38,4,31,0,3,1,2,34,8,0,8,18,161,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296985818008904,0.0,0.0,0.07469198415995477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276603836210906,0.09197523615342204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690240336032771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997090970792937,0.1130563492515561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732492344119417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789124170530156,0.1850883230689532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378571280275153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997490716324788,0.10097396641577784,0.07950547975851541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24202599674245084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269403574019909,0.1923852086134295,0.08618883848188169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550786603994226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875845187830284,0.0955569124103639,0.08041214558150245,0.0,0.09212517354841697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960956920603404,0.0,0.0,0.1873834624715903,0.0,0.0,0.09931208919383737,0.0,0.14799810998692095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753735376283173,0.0,0.2192741435434146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631531301670925,0.16203351383903716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997090970792937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613229968841601,0.0,0.0941936624216055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720715512220134,0.0,0.12446401902957198,0.07837966430329882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119697445060656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023899669459516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750599872706631,0.0,0.08863247986769254,0.09637442055190083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415509081194,0.0,0.0,0.07153138306739383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180008830105264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910577232995106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337349117368672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846028049735981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845889558555955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192722548620044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850870808836903,0.0,0.0,0.18283439476444344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595339069774686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425031551817505,0.07200437042335722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilprincess__,2019/02/14,"Best Friend just got diagnosed with BPD, is beginning DBT therapy, is there anything I can do to be more informed about it or etc ? My best friend of 8 years just got diagnosed with BPD and she’s beginning DBT therapy pretty soon.

I don’t know much about BPD so I’d like to be informed as I can. She’s one of my closest friends and really only have had each other since graduating from high school. 
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bpd,aimchatroom1999,2019/02/14,Never been in a Relationship When your BPD is so bad you have never been in a relationship or remotely close to one ... anyone can relate?,4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,70.53846153846153,9.815384615384616,24.538461538461537,10.125756701596842,2.6382153846153846,108,3,19,3,2,38,21,26,0.158,0.8420000000000001,0.0,-0.6696,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,3,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187042256765368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115964086698445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393937580992914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824730334702269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194896362901008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6716209457168021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ellisel,2019/10/30,"Escaping loneliness? This isnt a DAE feel lonely kind of post. I'm having a hard time at the moment distancing myself from feelings of acute loneliness. I have no close friendships, at all. I allowed my one close friendship to dissolve this year after 8 years as I realised she had stopped caring about me. The only person I can talk to in my life is my mum. I have no other family I am close to, and I have not been in a relationship in 10 years. I'm 27, I've completed DBT, and I thought I had made a huge amount of progress, and I've reached many milestones and goals. I finally finished my BA, last month I finally started my MA at university, I'm over one year SI free for the first time in my life, I no longer drink too much, i practice all the skills i learnt in therapy regularly. But I'm still unbearably lonely. I have flatmates who mostly ignore me. Same with the people at my part time job. My mum assured me that when I started my MA I would be surrounded by people like me who share my interests, and I am, and I still  cannot seem to make any friendships with anyone. I have so many casual friendly acquaintances but that's it, and it's been that way for most of my twenties. What I'm asking is, am I doomed to be this way forever? Just forever on the edge of everyone else's lives? Mostly I want to know if anyone has felt like this and managed to escape and make relationships with people. I was supposed to go to a gig to see a musician I love tonight but I didnt go because I couldn't bear to see groups and couples there having a good time. Thanks for reading.",4.040697346132127,4.838869698757764,5.216318464144553,83.73312817617169,70.95652173913044,8.587464709203841,28.92207792207793,8.841846274778883,2.1270447204968943,1241,46,258,22,22,412,170,322,0.061,0.779,0.161,0.9754,2,4,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,4,8,17,0,0,13,0,26,4,0,4,3,44,51,17,0,4,6,4,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,13,16,1,2,6,3,1,2,8,4,0,3,9,6,43,14,38,38,9,44,1,3,2,1,16,16,0,5,25,169,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621961964802397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674071417138324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478156230247816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832416140761145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427509315089125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751586951636753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401662751299683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979771326292202,0.0,0.0,0.09363014884314136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709917692126963,0.0,0.0,0.10566095700458668,0.0,0.11334407785395802,0.0,0.10761631966728924,0.2455607571183896,0.0,0.09533691219673064,0.0,0.0,0.08659429356509936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739759412638446,0.0940090838772844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040347818181478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122411409268884,0.0,0.0,0.11671618015291448,0.061597349088518126,0.09136180879462097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833369615426265,0.10951523070495836,0.0,0.09897048046321104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115840246403593,0.10605472096017653,0.14963124245039086,0.2272671603507225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946280208126793,0.0,0.08239318382422463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518993600801725,0.08524342971788991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137390947410992,0.0,0.2331106886034501,0.09786569998680032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734359647817827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211235479868513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406682960936613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862972333806787,0.1020352649713535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866446667324302,0.0,0.1790176979958517,0.09370559060701968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008728514788804,0.0,0.10319006883060128,0.12817556227341048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898060722259182,0.2614237176964236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610888158898541,0.17793098702519808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961985392515661,0.0,0.0,0.2887085943238193
bpd,Phonactic,2019/10/30,"Disassociation I wanted to know if anyone else experiences dissociation with their BPD.
I had a period of it for a while earlier today where it basically felt like my mind was trying to shuft outaide of my body, and I only noticed when it actually did and my vision went weird. I nearly had an anxiety attack again because I absolutely hate the feeling and my way of coping it is keeping my mind occupied and senses constantly stimulated. First it was walking around touching absolutely everyhting I walked past, listening to music and eating a piece of chewing gum so i could taste and smell. This helps massively as if I can keep myself feeling that keeps me centred in my body. Then i began running around the house reorganizing everything and cleaning up as I could feel it returning. Now, while my house pooks better than I think it ever did  this feels disgustingly bad and terrifying to experience, and I guess I want some kind of comfort from others before I call my therapist tommorow after I wake up.",8.721967213114759,8.800756743169401,9.537163934426232,59.280172131147566,60.80327868852458,12.347322404371585,37.972131147540985,11.792908689023552,4.898858360655738,816,36,127,23,10,279,123,183,0.114,0.7859999999999999,0.1,-0.769,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,8,9,3,0,6,0,10,6,3,1,1,34,27,18,0,6,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,11,12,3,3,7,0,0,4,0,5,0,1,9,9,26,4,22,16,2,27,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,16,98,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.12208365514663808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570437249100792,0.0,0.0,0.08747576720903759,0.1281840395969617,0.0,0.22273852772112696,0.0,0.1423240909784265,0.0,0.0,0.10445678348558347,0.07626236067177651,0.0,0.10645446197178672,0.0,0.0,0.11064450063042656,0.0,0.2779251325187045,0.1575643635747295,0.0,0.1277453782459036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351931988256523,0.0,0.19977105175715185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280128314609336,0.10450850817222476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316391351646783,0.0,0.0,0.11243559044588244,0.2447518313283371,0.0,0.0,0.253025774988744,0.0,0.12011965336352773,0.0,0.0,0.10641357074117848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781638343167918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235144995705708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838547098556423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887069057578629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33359509013179245,0.0,0.13027677535551885,0.06875399793916206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111959408655055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526391626614277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243196373692932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514738341626748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942611712652973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525562151378466,0.0,0.08016172147886153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858415592422525,0.0,0.0,0.08493754144531568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757939995104935,0.09930189282710447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159728490874376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Missnakehole,2019/10/30,"Costco pharmacy has very affordable rx drugs and you do not need a membership to use their pharmacy. I don't know if this is common knowledge, but Costco has incredibly affordable prescriptions. Without insurance. I usually get any given medication for about $15. That's without insurance or a Costco membership. Just thought this could be useful information for some of you. I know it's really helped me a lot. (Posting this on another BPD sub as well)

Plus you can grab a Pepsi and a hotdog for like a $1.50 if you're into that lol",3.6258415841584153,6.244575000000001,5.523257425742575,73.45280693069309,76.22772277227723,9.98059405940594,28.911881188118812,10.125756701596842,3.7639180198019813,429,19,73,15,10,147,72,101,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.8957,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,6,1,8,3,0,2,0,23,16,8,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,8,2,12,12,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,5,3,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858037845927752,0.2291053314997443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751799250662119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444611778239702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533784987435697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415176600757668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644893204915932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240152272654316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674295214499706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575199231504916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010522370498192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200722427643538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925258173105016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996999306391436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345628799673193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774096202361531,0.24063535861335836,0.1802767512819481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644833458907085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212322364621643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Smithyweather,2019/10/30,"How am I supposed to cope with a perpetually resentful and angry sister My sister is constantly angry and lashing out at me. Her moods chop and change at a snap of a finger.

She is always angry at me (for no reason). It comes across as holding a grudge at me, knowing that I do not like this.

Today:

- Asked her to get me sweets. She ignored me and got my mother sweets and then laughed when I said “why did you not get me those sweets?”.
- Started yelling at me when I come home after the electricity cut out. Telling me not to speak to her again.

I am tired of her moods. At this point I am becoming resentful and angry at her. I do not deserve this treatment, I have done nothing towards her.

She is always angry at me, even at the start of a new fresh day.",2.892254901960783,4.283547457516342,4.190343137254903,87.72904411764708,74.42483660130719,6.668627450980392,25.16830065359477,7.1686216300943375,0.9974535947712412,583,19,123,6,12,192,84,153,0.20199999999999999,0.7290000000000001,0.069,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,5,11,3,0,7,0,11,2,1,2,0,20,21,11,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,6,11,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,4,7,29,5,24,17,0,27,0,0,0,0,17,14,0,0,12,94,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275890016971555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840276508574016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740473747173575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824060302300632,0.3391367194391735,0.0,0.21272430933379605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269516019057376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014453186972507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001719659530853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569141232433372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743847729274427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745603541491474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818330250774666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617069166024077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011841288363013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888823438428356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608634530892154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023940064448561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724889263730407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786620893486031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720550844123564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262494700887349,0.18659024925834894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762599890490374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,potsandpanstoday,2019/10/30,"My boyfriend is in college, I'm ill in another city.. The distance is only about 30 minutes, he comes to stay with me every weekend, for at least part of it. He also works and visits his family on weekends.
This overall isn't bad, but I'm struggling with it so hard.
I have a long list of debilitating mental and physical health issues. (11 mental health conditions including BPD. I also have IBS, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, chronic migraines, juvenile arthritis, and in testing for chrones/colitis and fibromyalgia.)

So my health declining lately has made my depression really bad again. I can barely leave the house because things are so bad.

My partner is the most accepting amazing person in the world. He has always been very understanding of my health issues and limitations, including that of my mental health issues and being extremely respectful of them and understanding of them for the most part. Because he's in college he doesn't have as much time for me as he did before, even though we talk on the phone everyday. Because I feel so lonely all the time I have been having alot of outbursts lately. I'm starting to feel like I can't cope with long distance relationship even though it's not that far away. I also have little to no contact with my family and few friends.
I know it's not that far of a distance and we talk all the time and see each other frequently. But I still can't stop feeling like I never see him, or we never talk. I try really hard not to stop him from doing anything that he wants to do oh, and I try to be understanding whenever he has other obligations or wants to be out with other people. It's just extremely hard for me to wrap my head around. I know I can be unreasonable, but I feel so alone.
My biggest thing has been because of my health issues I feel useless and unwanted. How could he want me if I don't even want me? I feel pathetic and helpless because I can't do things. Which is triggering my BPD and other things kinda badly.

I'm starting to feel like this is too much distance and I can't do it. I love him so much but I'm hurting our relationship because I can't get under control. I feel so lost. I really don't want to mess it up further, or hurt him anymore. But I can't stop.",4.2721855541718545,5.771332034246581,5.4274595267745935,79.7905790784558,71.12328767123287,8.414113740141138,29.48277293482773,8.927757054556999,2.4775333333333336,1773,71,331,34,33,588,188,438,0.151,0.7390000000000001,0.11,-0.9729,0,3,0,0,0,0,48.0,4,0,2,4,22,23,0,1,11,0,41,15,1,4,4,77,73,39,0,8,13,0,11,3,2,0,13,0,0,2,22,27,0,5,14,2,0,2,16,15,0,0,6,13,52,8,46,62,13,42,0,8,2,1,32,19,0,8,23,234,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508905755466447,0.0,0.15077273948882494,0.05229254890807802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589906002141907,0.0,0.0,0.06232591858716133,0.0,0.0,0.05171654953247181,0.05594588156399025,0.0,0.0,0.059045482006782085,0.0,0.2098937044158445,0.22986045790562146,0.0,0.0534769514943416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830359145219758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054135894049925616,0.0,0.0,0.07048665091132253,0.05017707406018421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412879757444596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245267193335765,0.0,0.05295010344933678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184904210528899,0.0,0.2542128689632069,0.1346906638477315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485543316859262,0.0,0.03283421660439481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889186046868912,0.0,0.06449768603186462,0.4008114143555232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251535026961331,0.1345549655277493,0.0,0.0,0.2623777902291723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907656371997012,0.0,0.14178508122211028,0.06654438471891573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210951352663492,0.06298777152192249,0.0,0.11123270408661133,0.0,0.0,0.06860336378914561,0.0,0.056720580812461285,0.059465998120159735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000066015167574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385961757302189,0.0,0.09694075617851128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047796888110840915,0.06687211769635801,0.0,0.0,0.13611125666596344,0.0,0.043569205421438814,0.054874327882381314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207814446796512,0.0,0.0,0.13494524631733934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001595657039624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896483618555845,0.06698501602551885,0.05018855358873656,0.15762513232139524,0.0,0.06569983526956873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153866647575845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700721746503105,0.0,0.12349090738761505,0.0,0.10993727222387024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533603382681282,0.0,0.0,0.19627336501903905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518541771831652,0.18533972805287205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575232363473925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blueskyoverandunder,2019/10/30,"If you're interested in music to moodtrack, appreciate your thoughts! Hi there! We the team at[ www.ensu.com](https://www.ensu.com/), are building an app related to music listening and emotions. The premise is that if you listen to Spotify, we can help you understand how your music listening correlates to mood / emotion states (specific for you), as well as giving you new insights around patterns in your moods and emotions over time.

We're a team of mental health passionate people who are all recently out of college, and we're looking to get input from people on the concept and the app. We're still in beta so would appreciate y'all signingup and giving us feedback!

If you're interested, please go to[ www.ensu.com](https://www.ensu.com/) and sign up! Feel free to message me if you have any questions :)",8.802862935928628,10.495958321167887,7.659075425790758,67.26327656123279,60.67883211678832,10.46845093268451,37.849959448499604,10.504223727775694,4.38446212489862,658,31,98,15,9,201,87,137,0.0,0.78,0.22,0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,9,0,2,6,7,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,1,1,23,17,14,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,10,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,13,6,22,15,1,15,0,0,1,1,24,9,0,5,4,65,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980843360312765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683754203128664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5945363214242313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908189576767138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204677239496256,0.3380157971973216,0.10012714749544703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727108915575452,0.0,0.0,0.11808973253133533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479468182191218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775479903641441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015573067481685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442820416991316,0.0,0.0,0.19339272144097705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973619077285751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395648406462652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069756634292518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986723131949205,0.10273196805675333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340958127892654,0.21192283361411415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840696796657053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515320893142445,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,basicrerun,2019/10/30,"DAE guess other people might have BPD? I don’t know if this is common or not, and maybe I’m just projecting my own experiences onto others. Sometimes after getting to know somebody really well I start to see traits/feelings that I have that they share and start to wonder maybe... it’s only in a few certain people but I can’t tell if they genuinely might have BPD/something similar or if I’m just projecting. Do y’all do this? 

Once I get that idea though I treat them more how I’d want to be treated with my own problems and it seems to work? Idk...",1.912159090909089,4.077725053571431,3.3416233766233776,89.23974025974026,79.71428571428572,6.215584415584416,21.788961038961038,7.348242739294969,0.7709714285714293,434,13,89,6,11,142,74,112,0.034,0.863,0.10300000000000001,0.6407,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,1,1,25,24,11,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,12,5,9,21,4,6,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,10,4,61,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229144705061124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423302960655314,0.0,0.0,0.08489249982199466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543588496441367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495471153422588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953244528411908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454084396963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33734516754202404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35621904773824503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880215450025028,0.0,0.12769132678420714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23279380173435785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065235420090035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755751076159786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379017275361196,0.15284483984383704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925338252700985,0.16605194564248138,0.0,0.2376731711765354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467471862603266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649554859465179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902852137994136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095731162902626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820744146782384,0.12222918979227892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,awesomesauceysauce,2019/10/30,"What is this? I notice I go through cycles, like 2-3 weeks of the month i’m ~functional~ and then 1-2 weeks of the month I dissociate heavily, go on a self destructive behaviour binge..The self destructive behaviour binge is usually something along the lines of binge eating, self harm, sleeping all day, spending too much money on junk food, not doing my homework. Then I sober up after I see how much damage I made (roughly after a week or two). How do I prevent these cycles from happening? It’s really counterproductive to all the progress I make during the functional weeks.",4.807061266874348,7.043362271028041,5.5887227414330205,76.16964693665629,71.14953271028037,9.241536863966768,29.645898234683283,9.725611199111238,3.17170072689512,461,19,79,12,9,150,72,107,0.141,0.7979999999999999,0.06,-0.8924,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,7,0,4,3,1,4,2,11,11,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,4,0,1,1,2,9,1,12,10,4,17,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,13,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534094729948447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671378518654166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751167650703352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566005448038586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444124206035572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979979464503736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455649226652546,0.10903088404380606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260753255542622,0.0,0.2401477532211875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596395520888254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463994557500324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016103009708824,0.0,0.5111985062297524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634582105925234,0.0,0.0,0.12574730316128094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955968824334155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989620687646427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5240867783566516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bbbbbounce,2019/10/30,"Do you ever go through periods of intense, obsessive sexual interest? I posted this in the weekly DAE thread but I feel like I want to put this in its own post too.

_______________

DAE have periods of VERY intense sexual interest?



It seems to come and go, but usually I will go through periods of extremely high energy where I want to do risky things (heavy drinking, smoking a fuckton of weed, cocaine, chainsmoking 2 packs of cigs in a day) and I feel like I have so much energy I have caught fire, and all I can do is look for more mentally and physically stimulating things. 




Then I start to feel extremely confident and all I want to do is have sex. 




And then the sexual energy takes over to the point where anything aside from that in my life is a distraction. I'm having a hard time functioning rn because the arousal is NOT going away.




The other day I woke up aroused, had sex w boyfriend 3 times, masturbated 4 times, still felt aroused. This has been going for 3 days. Sometimes it'll last like a week, then I'll sink into depression afterwards and I feel like you might after a good night of some molly. Like all my serotonin is depleted









Idk what's wrong with me anymore, or if it even fits in my BPD diagnosis. My boyfriend is exhausted and just told me I need to respect his needs for more peace and quiet, but that I shouldn't feel ashamed for my desire.





But this is not my ""normal"", I'm just in a state of super heightened stimulation and idk how to stop it. Ordinarily I am fine with sex 1x daily, not feeling like I need it 7 or 8 times. It's not even fun it just feels like a compulsive desire rn. I have pretty much nobody to talk to about this atm.",3.740243902439023,5.176649951219513,4.9243609756097575,83.12551707317077,72.35365853658536,8.906536585365853,27.44926829268293,9.3871,2.3050664390243902,1296,47,265,30,25,428,174,328,0.095,0.6659999999999999,0.24,0.9951,0,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,1,13,20,0,3,13,0,26,9,3,3,4,57,55,22,0,11,14,0,10,7,0,4,2,1,0,0,19,14,1,1,9,1,1,8,5,6,0,0,6,12,29,14,38,45,9,50,0,1,1,6,5,15,0,6,31,169,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762862628046176,0.0,0.0,0.08100988804135716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249008160751454,0.0,0.0,0.060009707171130786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239850331858976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847996000438825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046203698035585,0.0,0.08478848397582901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643628967005093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004084356706158,0.08904698533644552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484288242276252,0.35163713540961794,0.0945203526398407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797360465290403,0.0825689987067099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881852510228176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401003243777644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024387390108928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953293348787155,0.3366586397104228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826670070213468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920700656313064,0.1044320625927526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473330465606135,0.21898186512082152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238172976914608,0.09645286581953158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306009494884328,0.0,0.18856163496604264,0.10015153485094662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896202268964996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961846359928444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736226791401956,0.0,0.06967819280445824,0.0,0.07861640314244836,0.08230243791910885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401659857236872,0.0791244486604803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080180436676286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296107324751309,0.0,0.0,0.09406614165334694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842063757448464,0.0812254708804069,0.17419202272670803,0.0,0.15792946288413312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763155070523836,0.0,0.0
bpd,MadDad1981,2019/10/30,"I feel guilty for being a man with BPD Everywhere I look for helpful articles to relate to and its always from a woman's point of view. Which makes me feel guilty for having BPD. Why don't more guys have it? Its frustrating because I don't want to talk about it due to the embarrassment or the questions ""Don't just women get that?"" I hate my mind. I hate how its split into two. Logical me and Emotional me. Constantly fighting for control. Logically, I am a very intelligent person, but my emotions seem to cancel that out by fucking with my operating system. Not to mention what happens with having a FP and the emotional roller coaster that comes with that. I guess I'm just wanting to vent that out.",3.5961519607843138,5.756470625000002,4.794705882352943,80.87284313725492,74.36764705882355,7.768627450980393,27.509803921568626,8.59863814320734,2.206550980392157,559,22,103,11,12,184,87,136,0.13699999999999998,0.8079999999999999,0.055,-0.8349,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,5,1,7,0,8,1,0,3,0,29,23,6,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,12,11,0,1,6,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,0,4,13,0,22,22,1,8,0,0,2,1,10,4,1,4,2,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286441624767036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424607874747118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894404339559036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317894987720558,0.0,0.1670736225630681,0.1734032163590731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217311397307671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634637391676215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293029490155948,0.08077499345224197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703153903338402,0.1530837535751635,0.1367171344266689,0.0,0.0,0.305281849406232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362880874373433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982968291002905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320037281489763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610748348953152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499556053980136,0.0,0.0,0.14615217187753798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319354486535035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074704203303956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426604579222693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102710995469673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756573037533464,0.18238066100724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395074177999037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jobeankilo,2019/10/30,"I’m 23 years old & I was just diagnosed with BPD, and fuck, it’s a mind-blowing relief. I was first diagnosed with ADHD at age 7, then depression at 14, then an eating disorder, then bipolar. It’s been 7 years since my last diagnosis. I’ve been looking at myself all wrong.
This whole time I’ve thought it was just my moods. That not knowing who I am, feeling like I’m not always myself, looking in the mirror sometimes and not really recognizing my face.. like I thought it wasn’t affecting me? 
I split, in front of my therapist 2 sessions ago. I was in a complete haze of rage, at everything and everyone. I even told her that she wasn’t helping me. I tried getting up and leaving, just 2 minutes in to the hour session. She, being young and knowing me pretty well, basically told me to sit the fuck down and ride it out with her.
And we did. And I started feeling better. 
She didn’t tell me I was splitting that day. I didn’t even know what that was until 2 days ago. I thought I was just in a mood, like always, just in a mood.
After that session, for the whole week up until I’d see her again, I starting noticing things about my anger, and my perspective. I thought about my ex, Jack. We had been together for a year until I kissed 2 separate guys, out of desperation for weed and just, as an impulse. I have done this in almost every relationship.
I realized that I had been splitting so that I could make Jack seem like the villain when I was the one who fucked up. It was a defense mechanism. 
Once I noticed this I told my therapist in our next session, 2 days ago. I told her how I realized I’ve been doing this my whole life, perceiving people to be evil or selfish or just apathetic because of minor disappointments or lack of acknowledgement. I’ve been doing it to my family, my friends, everyone, and it’s only pushed them away more and made me feel more isolated.
Apparently my therapist had known for a while. She was waiting for me to be in the right space or recognize it myself before she diagnosed me, and I’m glad she did. I know that I’m hyper reactive. If she told me at the wrong time I would have been angry, not believed her, stopped seeing her, and been worse off.
All I’ve done since is research. Everything seems to make sense now. It’s just. Yeah, I have BPD.
And that’s good. Because now I can work on it. I can work on all the complexities that come with it. I am nervous, but I am ready. And I think that alone will really help. 
It’s really cool that there’s a community for this. Thanks to anyone who read this. It’s a big step for me in a lifetime journey of pursuing clarity, so I just wanted to share it here. 
Xo 💚 Jo",2.4442918386789465,4.290482768656716,4.091987932677038,86.03729279136236,76.72388059701494,7.546776754525246,25.95649412511909,8.399286722034276,1.7338250714512542,2068,78,431,40,47,692,235,536,0.087,0.812,0.102,0.7768,1,1,0,0,0,0,78.0,3,0,1,4,24,31,8,1,21,2,46,11,1,5,3,80,86,34,0,5,19,1,3,4,1,2,5,0,0,1,38,25,1,3,20,1,0,6,8,14,1,2,39,8,76,14,57,41,9,69,0,2,4,4,33,28,3,8,38,300,114,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540775931226177,0.0,0.18898768896582527,0.0,0.07116253144896224,0.07360314831482205,0.0,0.0,0.11826553886753975,0.07700019545556468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969113776371794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676903204222068,0.0,0.0,0.08664258894173085,0.0,0.06047209992181703,0.08006726876263043,0.0,0.0628522766823618,0.0,0.0,0.1790107762835491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061217236638674025,0.07451155613819528,0.0,0.0,0.0567405761091848,0.0,0.0,0.13749545496059748,0.0,0.06120921189600813,0.2163920840292656,0.0,0.0,0.08144801938604991,0.0,0.0,0.14545078769218342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727184618849694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387710660448914,0.0,0.05987633657460161,0.13581359464667406,0.12773943213416214,0.0,0.06699488640864931,0.0,0.10779961448658927,0.05076970579619841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044887141135851,0.0,0.0,0.054905568012025764,0.19709866372782867,0.0371291551195778,0.0,0.0,0.059606954870439564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703667086787205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526834853853834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998588948344289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562244947329051,0.05792843615848254,0.0,0.0752488421555573,0.0,0.0,0.050196157072739514,0.13887741790521954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935541508256894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724455451903201,0.09487447753018023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175660092422909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557970742227314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618186740813725,0.07457201980564611,0.07568318114051924,0.048156294730871685,0.054049045673377816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926835337721522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229987176265111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108542916583703,0.0,0.13658047789321182,0.0,0.0,0.07629850048707255,0.0,0.06069014448842329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326111710045192,0.12939199454980368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757338613701625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028628662736824,0.0,0.10060204093553128,0.0,0.0,0.05941452336363151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211498910985588,0.06542820674534244,0.0,0.2475399986723485,0.0472132239217048,0.045536349922648704,0.0,0.2256744910304534,0.08287854269026937,0.0,0.0,0.3395339866166852,0.0,0.04824928329219188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191668463181406,0.0,0.057005017102637376,0.0,0.06389704638871907,0.0,0.0,0.2380286152461398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347407655756186,0.0,0.07242252675382302,0.05048338781710605,0.15539946192907422,0.0,0.13729290385675855
bpd,basement-jay,2019/10/30,"It's my anniversary It’s been one year today since my breakup. Happy anniversary to me! Despite each of my previous relationships spanning multiple years I’ve never celebrated the anniversary of being in a relationship but I am sure as hell celebrating this anniversary of me being single.

I never thought I’d be able to say this but it’s been good for me. Accepting the constant, indefinite loneliness has been hard but it feels a lot better than the confusion of not understanding why I was often being treated badly. I consider myself a hopeless romantic so I never thought I’d be okay alone. But after a long time of trying to understand why I could never attain a healthy relationship despite putting so much effort in I realized that my romantic nature was exactly what had been getting me into trouble. I was so content with giving love that I didn’t care that I wasn’t receiving any back. Looking for love and partnership at such a young age has proven to not be a good decision for me. Now is the right time for me to be on my own.

Another anniversary for me is approaching soon after this, and that is the anniversary of the beginning of my relationship with the best therapist I’ve ever had. I don’t know what the future holds which is scary but I try to remind myself that can also be exciting too. I wonder if I will ever regain the ability to trust again like I once was able to but I am learning to let go of that fear in recognizing that it isn’t today’s problem. It’s been a great year because I’ve learned I’m stronger than I thought I could be. I’ve been working hard at moving forward, becoming a better person, and treating myself with the kindness I deserve. It isn’t always easy. I’m still learning a lot and making mistakes along the way but now that it’s just me I am able to focus more clearly on holding myself to the standard of trying my very best and giving my all in everything I do rather than giving that effort and energy to someone who didn’t deserve it.

Cheers, r/BPD. I’m not too active of a poster but I’m right there with all of you. Thanks for being here for me too.",4.6150641025641015,5.924124096153848,6.014634615384619,76.63869871794873,70.05769230769229,9.200512820512822,30.693589743589744,9.558583805096642,2.972448974358976,1688,70,308,38,30,571,191,416,0.109,0.64,0.251,0.9975,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,0,8,21,30,1,2,23,1,43,2,0,1,11,65,67,20,0,6,14,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,25,13,0,2,14,0,0,6,13,8,0,1,18,5,43,22,50,35,11,46,1,1,1,2,14,13,1,7,29,239,68,4,0.25816743996614816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912786952626175,0.0,0.06881880282253389,0.07160533047141712,0.0,0.0,0.05852090403857365,0.09023702361275662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617160853631084,0.0718530095701874,0.05245882505993988,0.0950418847523262,0.0,0.0,0.18062053371944686,0.15221874726372134,0.0,0.0,0.10838428435256243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773963700113722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299576231336397,0.0,0.13741712902479053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568481987617086,0.0,0.0,0.0773414161029825,0.0,0.0,0.09683671492754306,0.043512404903506094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496061063805956,0.2476577328875541,0.04890750186791691,0.14435906664825265,0.0,0.09487683799126848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160801348266807,0.1541782113043996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961388694957442,0.04729402444785285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879978995815304,0.0,0.04204252354212106,0.0,0.0,0.07615668677149494,0.07226520948010715,0.0,0.0,0.14632315020279993,0.15533746273284466,0.0,0.057442923626809826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146371059258084,0.0632609245004939,0.0,0.2654861936262997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164663263006433,0.058313646248974525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514061686535663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234379125775172,0.0,0.08650986116378886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36956695207516216,0.0,0.14698238875210928,0.0,0.0684350367811258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118625805623673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291481136610295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872428368181444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110658562731389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922863094379118,0.0,0.09991743201813168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495610975023967,0.10035967358121156,0.0,0.16314169757432595,0.0,0.0,0.1752787451811809,0.0,0.0,0.17917427317902665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710050584845441,0.0,0.06830709904664461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530397279527045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332385865253737,0.06264965701824199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625136698619442
bpd,ginaharty,2019/10/30,"I feel worthless when I’m not in a relationship I feel so useless and unworthy of anything and everything. 

It’s like I just don’t matter. 

I am an extreme splitter. I’m either allll in or all out. You either turn me on or off, there’s no in between. 

I hate being single because I’m always on the hunt for my true love yet I never find it and in the past, I would usually just end up settling and that had its own repercussions. So after my last relationship ended this past April, I told myself I would NEVER just settle into anything again and would only go into another relationship once I have met the absolute love of my life. 

Well I went on a date with a guy last month and I seriously became obsessed with him even though he’s not at all interested in me because he hasn’t talked to me in weeks. I have very good self-control so I don’t ever act on my obsessions, but the thoughts are driving me insane! I’m totally spiraling out of control, my whole life has halted and on top of it I feel major depression. I feel that I must not be good enough for him, I feel worthless and unworthy of love. And any attention I get from any other male turns me off completely, like I get angry that other people want me but HE DOESNT.",3.751564444444442,4.835694912000005,5.544266666666669,80.05057777777779,71.88,8.595555555555555,27.488888888888887,8.998388855275968,2.1834622222222224,968,34,191,19,18,333,136,250,0.147,0.735,0.11800000000000001,-0.8208,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,14,18,1,2,8,0,16,5,0,1,8,50,39,18,0,5,12,0,5,2,0,4,2,0,0,2,10,15,0,2,8,0,0,4,10,8,1,0,5,5,35,10,32,28,10,42,0,4,0,3,17,20,0,2,20,143,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979178879343575,0.0,0.0,0.1467683095891878,0.11315559487319493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177605474956208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315648348837428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314413269489447,0.0,0.24206593878266286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294482026475627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115677074822854,0.1115023899176875,0.0,0.07127514413315499,0.09761297359171704,0.0,0.0,0.09698473638741653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728188422054463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863000860160506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275958445713873,0.0,0.0613291224162637,0.18102365756235966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685027446322463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654118623267453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759260712624763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244348530524102,0.1054411276195168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921855514161082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613467433460338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645744156701814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149232190756129,0.0,0.08207226788230101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602925535156266,0.07481289347697696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34757270325370093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257620226142133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673592585276996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602341734718486,0.08567041772569281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311495404802648,0.0,0.0,0.2347554781523945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885029900078753,0.08903905858314176,0.06364954879369246,0.0,0.08656084443295257,0.0,0.097026236870003,0.100035906355261,0.0,0.1204803774716581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299736883553757,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadeggg,2019/10/30,"Bad news and i want to die So i just really need to rant about how bad im feeling.

My boyfriend is currently away for a week and i didnt manage to say goodbye to him before he left, because of my split and i was being really distant to him. I always knew he would be coming back in 5-6 days max, now he tells me that he will arrive on monday so i wont be able to see him for 2 weeks, because my new job(that i already hate) starts on monday. I am really broken and i freaked out because i wont be able to see him until the weekend after the upcoming one. And i cannot deal with this, i wont even manage to wake up in the morning and motivate myself to go to work. 
I feel like this one little unplanned piece of information turned my world upside down and i am already thinking about ending my life and calling work and telling them i have changed my mind on taking the job. 
I am currently unemployed and not studying, so there is a lot of pressure on me from my family.
I hate that i am so sensitive and not independent at all!",2.7804205069124417,3.775803709677419,4.653292050691245,85.85708093317973,74.1152073732719,7.636981566820276,26.465725806451612,8.07648339933343,1.5292859447004608,803,28,173,12,16,275,123,217,0.122,0.841,0.038,-0.9624,6,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,3,12,7,2,1,6,0,19,2,1,3,1,32,34,17,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,14,0,0,6,1,0,2,7,6,0,2,3,5,33,1,32,22,3,31,0,0,2,0,15,14,0,1,16,122,37,7,0.25311048598903424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27931371527984744,0.0,0.10530410030057788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890281673719767,0.09731317007383608,0.2113366833687808,0.23144070445848125,0.0,0.10768919055424683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922705282182884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387866646182273,0.1090161358727379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161766207743174,0.13047289850527524,0.0,0.0,0.13134436173223624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209038170691624,0.0,0.0,0.08358854442695539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930501996703903,0.0,0.1279802668352235,0.09041109088221624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192426106050337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24989420328840334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670137942281066,0.0,0.2511731017554278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750264180918625,0.0,0.08938971081020676,0.0618284991748786,0.12684160073577486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759274193562156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778471858005494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383910910477314,0.0,0.12222784229973925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715142158570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24322358788347234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064180878475294,0.0,0.0,0.20169628700816825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957645236778014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515379273755607,0.0,0.2212297210506808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109148963414457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137655763125175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746455612514483,0.0,0.2030299644712441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842674483313558,0.0,0.0,0.08990121357599656,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BurntToast_1995,2019/10/30,"DAE feel truly alone. Triggering childhood trauma. I feel like I'm truly alone I've never been without like homeless. I just never had real friends. Everyone I meet in my life treats me like I'm lesser. I hear things like I'm weak, pathetic, loner, freak, creep, weirdo. I've heard it all seen it all. When I was young all I ever experienced was fighting in the household. Screaming, yelling my family just miserable human beings. My uncles would drink themselves to sleep everyday. My grandma and grandpa would sleep in the room all the time cause there was drugs in the house. Addicts coming and going selling dope to my mom and my aunt. My mother was a drug addict who use to steal from walmart and sell her body on belmont to get money for her crack addiction. She was very distant growing up. Always in her own head talking to voices that weren't there. She would get mood swings like crazy and go on days not coming home. One instance I woke up from my nap, I was 5 years old, and I walked to the kitchen and I saw my mother hunched over the stove cooking dope on a spoon. There were times she took me to go steal from Walmart and I was a very naive and friendly kid. My dad taught me not to steal but as she was going in and out of aisles taking shit from the shelves. I was confused and scared being 5 years old. When we ran out the store yelling at me the whole time saying do this do that. Watch for people who are staring. I was subjected to a lot of emotional and physical pain growing up. I went through foster care 3 times as a child each time was worse. I got molested, beaten, starved for days. My first time in foster care I was too young to remember but my second time I remember vividly. They took us from my alcoholic dad. We went to this one family and they beat us everyday. You know those crack houses you see down the street all boarded up. I lived in one of those. I slept on boards not even a mattress or the spring coils. We scrubbed floors to our hands were bleeding. We did chores like crack heads afraid to get hit or busted in the mouth. I don't remember much I blocked it out but we escaped one night me and my twin sister. I pried boards off the garage. Me and my sister 5 years old with bloody hands and splinters. We ran down the street in this really dark but ghetto neighborhood. People blasting music partying in their front yard. Can you imagine being a kid escaping such a hell not knowing where you are just running. We ran up some steps to an old ladies house. She was sitting on her porch and she called the cops and sent us back there after telling her we were being abused. SHE SENT US BACK! They lied to the cops and we stayed there for a couple days till someone reported her. My whole life I felt like I was the problem. Like no one liked me because I was strange that I had something wrong with me. Growing up was hard when you have no friends and you live as a BPD. No one understands that I'm just sensitive and I feel things so intense yet not at all. I get so into my head I want to take nails and screw em into my brain to stop the noise. I'm sorry I just had to get this off my chest.. I just want to know I'm not crazy..",2.187669403196338,4.331449073783362,2.7834078801760316,93.70638134699028,78.67032967032965,5.7469078930437245,22.21656329618859,6.786311044354812,0.4470505134210057,2488,75,528,25,61,772,291,637,0.163,0.754,0.083,-0.9952,0,2,5,0,5,0,62.0,14,6,4,3,24,36,6,4,29,0,39,28,13,3,9,96,90,37,0,6,19,9,7,9,3,3,11,7,8,4,17,41,4,2,12,4,4,22,14,20,0,8,42,21,95,15,74,40,13,100,1,1,6,1,65,39,3,5,46,338,112,3,0.0,0.07188085754984379,0.0,0.1984090112310637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483491834633225,0.0,0.12566610097163536,0.0,0.0,0.05048007282658671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329885347847762,0.0,0.03698223710426133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738771956113741,0.07640836975899168,0.06772479653433118,0.061948119959154974,0.0,0.12370875845237987,0.0623220524680316,0.0,0.10451905409990347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712723916499576,0.0,0.11737621366625613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059430880405108424,0.14070966852918906,0.0,0.0,0.06824257295591532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040070194779660735,0.054877067067515516,0.0,0.05797022711986611,0.0,0.0,0.11438350604246054,0.0,0.09202566431555127,0.04334074778701072,0.0582501441397904,0.0,0.0,0.05160359408750617,0.0,0.0,0.1406142701435523,0.0,0.15848086199693076,0.0,0.13791455132209016,0.0,0.048521200396048944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434600527418623,0.0,0.18678652825423253,0.0,0.06837648236743796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085427164010025,0.0,0.0,0.21000583672581585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000235226625888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570224898682316,0.2667509070376028,0.0,0.10714071565334678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157718866615226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105283565664806,0.0,0.0,0.04459746299385993,0.0,0.09358075928480296,0.0,0.0,0.05693217306795901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546406012544974,0.0,0.24665848953301744,0.0,0.06455430920596718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411816630078223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058050434962629065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690526955227661,0.03886504069153205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061727522553837,0.0,0.0,0.04824509038444216,0.06073857398269816,0.0,0.04834400193326847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227413541030894,0.0,0.0,0.12142227274936615,0.0,0.05140322604009154,0.046704669305381086,0.0,0.06791210137009399,0.0,0.06466329444376956,0.0,0.05072059866420239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912285537487548,0.048762096318202976,0.05302591446186327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060934756708757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24762922805572496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480725654090514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315682295704518,0.29190127996131665,0.05239708857153368,0.0,0.10011379040521584,0.07156631807116576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112478432737412,0.0,0.1354657995050116,0.0,0.058481134607227925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182518525389041,0.12928897722579738,0.06633019415891021,0.0,0.11720330117508072
bpd,ohdamnjazz,2019/10/30,"DAE feel like they’re not enough and feel like it’s just a matter of time before you get left behind or abandoned? I’m not too sure what happened. I’ve always been very hyper aware of being insecure and it’s never been something I’m proud of. For the most part I’ve tried to keep to myself about certain topics, like the way I look, my past and my interests. Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out on so much because of my depression as a teen or my inability to connect to anyone because I kept to myself too much. I feel like I lived in a shell. There’s a very weird sentiment that I was robbed of my childhood/ teen years due to abuse. 
That sentiment has also caused me to become envious of people who have lived normal lives and in turn has fed my insecurities further.

I’m currently in a serious relationship and have been faced with a few bumps that have made it nearly impossible to just get over things that I feel as if normal people would be able to get through and move on. My partner is the healthiest, most rational and respectful partner I’ve ever had. Most of the problems we have are not directly coming from him, they mostly come from me envying his normal past in which he talks to me about occasionally or a random joke someone made that oddly hurt me. It’s gotten to the point where he feels he can no longer vent to me about a problem or talk to me about random memories. This has caused our emotional bond to take a hit and our sex life, friendship and relationship just feels odd. All in all this has made me ache for emotional and physical intimacy more, a need to be understood, and this awful insecurity that it’s just a matter a time before he gets sick of my inability to rationalize and leaves. 

I feel existentially exhausted that nothing I do ever feels okay or that I’m always going to be in the wrong because I am the one who’s mentally unstable and it’s gotten to the point where if I say another word chances are I’m digging my hole even deeper.",7.859967858577748,6.422824781170482,8.300251774474354,72.39472478907194,63.274809160305345,11.632462836480515,34.42466854158297,10.65788864234165,3.435919083969466,1581,54,307,33,19,527,195,393,0.162,0.7490000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9851,1,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,3,1,1,1,18,26,1,3,20,2,24,6,1,5,7,73,61,24,0,9,14,0,9,5,2,1,3,1,0,2,22,18,1,3,10,1,0,4,5,14,0,1,13,11,36,12,50,42,12,33,0,4,1,1,20,17,0,13,16,204,58,0,0.08350935564571008,0.09894493088927646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678240153877515,0.13897294738446309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756684070937988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839168315671276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527195842874272,0.09222952231382832,0.1421206217996493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157422391771807,0.0,0.14387183093018024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192648565019256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787357009888989,0.0,0.08628748783989867,0.0,0.055157141808500766,0.15107798636476644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38002355450871067,0.2386364014370141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452076641334782,0.0,0.0474602912873131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384704740361914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939849240030781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742269523210239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842434982973986,0.0907331592541409,0.0,0.0589851275576164,0.20399226474003615,0.0,0.221220872992445,0.0,0.07012682637373613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370557144511533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415778888080784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875722907838803,0.12277797021841802,0.06192112906809081,0.06440756326244586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24546431345321115,0.08012947900183545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658810062464436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043249423700414,0.15943825848876514,0.11578974479251533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788666738873816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981435033623226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931559091916807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640999142957357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075720604050814,0.06428958187404771,0.08259288806230201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870657940345281,0.0,0.06278864257803225,0.1342433135797034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055479905192592376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973899536829243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669737078536447,0.09083419862739228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780792842988435,0.0,0.06628583947101488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593226502502476,0.09130437088030988,0.0,0.05377728707406337
bpd,pnschroeder,2019/10/30,"Keto (or other diets) for BPD I have tried several medications and various therapists, but these don’t seem to be working. Has anyone ever tried treating BPD with a specialized diet, specifically keto? I’m considering trying keto because I’ve heard that it does good things for mood stabilization in general, but I was wondering if anyone who had been diagnosed with BPD had tried it and could give me some perspective. Input on other diets is welcome as well. At this point I’m willing to try anything to make myself feel better.",7.6178124999999985,8.625575156250001,8.472916666666666,62.81375,63.0625,11.4,34.75,11.20814326018867,4.504887499999999,429,18,63,12,6,145,74,96,0.0,0.856,0.14400000000000002,0.9366,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,1,1,16,19,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,9,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,2,4,6,11,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,1,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207872280870074,0.0,0.12479756522985698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244631150817656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412482752756594,0.0,0.0,0.5730052456797775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108264626466295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392468648050667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327126344810428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717889543772546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668035518491352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547945552708272,0.0,0.12719941048189082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122961018430672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277452592048524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433611815849683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805927063029053,0.0,0.17132481690830906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608091746033172,0.10075156939058157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148124412898138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635433398410005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644612989002273,0.11040525025048008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rhetoricalfraction,2019/10/30,"Developing a sense of self with BPD? Hello,

It's pretty well-known that people with BPD have identity problems, which is something i struggle with a lot and i feel it's holding me back so much in life. I work out, have a job (that I don't like and not sure how much longer i can do it for, but im isolated in it, have a bad relationship with my boss),  go to school, starting to train jiu jitsu, and i'm starting to run and meditate every morning, but my emotions are still turbulent, I split frequently, and have negative relationships with everyone I know (the ones i value, i do damage to them).

The thing is I still want to be 'successful', live a 'normal' life, and most importantly, have a family and be a great husband and father. Unfortunately, I'm scared I will never be able to do it successfully without developing a strong sense of self and I dont even know where to start to do that because it feels like there is nothing there.

Does anyone have any tips on what I can do to develop a strong, stable sense of self?",7.281576354679808,5.913521123152709,7.963453201970445,74.12508128078821,64.36945812807882,11.469753694581282,34.09310344827586,10.577609850970193,3.3190122167487686,800,28,162,17,10,269,115,203,0.188,0.7070000000000001,0.105,-0.9507,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,5,9,13,0,2,11,0,23,2,0,2,2,33,34,13,0,3,4,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,12,15,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,0,2,17,8,23,30,4,15,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,2,10,114,29,6,0.12515338201254875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510859146087138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751015466424801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623522551041667,0.10449784632021916,0.07629234004315573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152526068859404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095225679929397,0.0,0.1466788316249551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078070957942782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266262846963109,0.0,0.10544712216667727,0.11958941984334913,0.0,0.0,0.11798347019567162,0.0,0.12656262076783795,0.08940960111659298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112755115855174,0.0,0.0,0.13798204549908666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351871290017325,0.0,0.12419542016380836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375620514207927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679906988137584,0.12228724141964438,0.0,0.1105127292333314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064009298597752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400427222384355,0.0,0.09652600366934308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262374179323815,0.1200880454464192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480717064668766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676559680710237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732598295977324,0.0,0.11975488425257208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687357898715318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253003685785799,0.12666190421687668,0.0,0.0,0.3916868171324731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634918791428912,0.0,0.0,0.2657526238482122,0.0,0.1998953050848712,0.0,0.0,0.130837488592056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795558141739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083146345878256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381870732331773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125279207462257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064339415124492,0.0,0.09111315267472124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadamekr,2019/10/30,"How do I get my boyfriend to see that my feelings are real, and not just me freaking out about ""normal"" feelings? Sometimes I'll share posts from this sub to him, because other people are better at putting into words the feelings I could never before accurately describe. He almost always brushes them off and says things along the lines of ""Psh, everyone feels that way tho"". Like yeah, /sometimes/ they do. The point I'm trying to show you though is that it's such a daily/frequent occurrence that affects me and many other people to this extent, hence having BPD. I'm aware that everyone experiences dissociation/depersonalization at some points in their lifetimes, and lots of other BPD symptoms. Some more frequently than others. They aren't all exclusively felt by us, but I feel that he thinks I'm thinking that way.

How can I explain to him that I'm not looking for reassurance that everybody else feels this way sometimes, but instead validation that he understands my feelings are more than just sometimes and they matter a great deal?",9.203155080213904,9.186368700534759,8.23562032085562,69.32401871657756,59.85561497326204,10.260748663101603,37.41657754010696,9.642632912329526,3.6636720855614975,845,35,135,13,10,262,120,187,0.015,0.899,0.086,0.8768,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,5,1,9,6,0,0,5,1,10,1,0,3,2,40,29,11,0,2,6,0,8,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,19,8,0,0,12,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,12,18,5,20,27,7,15,0,0,2,0,17,8,0,4,3,96,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598104927756167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637488304551836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060526215817291,0.0,0.09855773056612044,0.0,0.0,0.10243695454161994,0.0,0.0,0.2917526575097638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247607441391223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940950350616768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675612651196464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213496750684857,0.0,0.1132981398845256,0.0,0.0,0.409948817245526,0.0,0.1112092458373039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051328250803509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769641736081394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658577738046685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726302589561074,0.0,0.0,0.09846946026787584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174274012730048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933064302785312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348297130786975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059561694949934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189823183636019,0.0,0.11092741739086437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164351549955102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183311913685206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210792859380006,0.0,0.0,0.09229676724668262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582117643587284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038552990891364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694834822090428,0.1484307411994414,0.11379653512001435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786369229589899,0.0,0.0,0.12057691451677133,0.1393220638456198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758072047901574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,meems28,2019/10/30,"Person w/o BDP seeking advice on an ex Hey guys, seeking your advice on how to/not to approach an ex. So I recently broke up with an ex through a really nasty break up after he grew verbally and physically violent with me. He basically harassed and called me a ton of times after the break up and said a ton of terrible things/threatened me and I had to get a restraining order against him. Throughout the whole process, he fought me in court and basically refused to accept any blame.

After the break up, I was really confused. I didn’t understand how an otherwise reasonable person could act so unreasonably and how he could hate me so much when he was the one who acted out. I wanted an apology, closure, anything rational to help me move on. Throughout the relationship, he had these angry outbursts and was pretty clingy/accusational. He yelled a lot and we always had this huge lapse in communication as if nothing I said made sense to him. He expressed a lot of similar things you all say here, like wanting feelings validated and to be told you were right about how you saw a situation, regardless of how unreasonable it was.

He told me he had had similar issues with past relationships, but still blamed everything on me. He was always telling me I was leaving him or things to that effect and had a lot of trouble being honest with me or opening up. A lot of his behaviors fit the bill for abusive, but it just felt different. It seemed like there was something else going on because his intention truly didn’t seem abusive, it just seemed like he couldn’t understand how to act rationally which is why I think I gave him chances. After we broke up, I tried to understand what happened and to accept that he would never admit to any of his side of things and would always hate me. Then one day, I stumbled upon an article about BDP and its symptoms. Suddenly, everything made sense.

He had childhood trauma , issues with abandonment, outbursts of rage followed by remorse, binge eating disorder, and pretty much checked off every other box. I don’t at all want to become an armchair diagnostic, but it made too much sense. Even though I don’t think he’s been diagnosed, it gave me so much clarity and relief to think that this is what was going on the whole time. Since then, I’ve read through a lot of your guys’ post to get a sense of what you experience and a lot of what you say sounded EXACTLY like what he would express but I couldn’t understand.

I know it’s not an excuse that I couldn’t accept it during the relationship, but understanding that he wasn’t just out to get me and full of hate really helped me forgive him. I want to reach out and tell him that I’m sorry for not listening and that I understand better what he’s experiencing. But if he doesn’t know he has BDP, I don’t want to even suggest that he look into it because I know how scary that would be. 

I’m wondering what you think about reaching out to acknowledge him in some way without specifically citing BDP. Will this just make him angrier or could it help to offer closure and make him feel validated? I know a lot of you will say I shouldn’t act like he has it when I don’t know, but after doing a ton of researching and reading through so many of your posts, I’m pretty confident that’s what it is. Part of me wishes I could suggest it to him so that he finally can understand why he acts the way he does, but I don’t think that would be productive, I just am saddened by all of the confusion and pain I watched him go through and think it could bring relief.

I know pwobdp hurt you guys a lot because we can be insensitive and I want him to know I understand some of his hurt without saying it’s because I think he has a mental illness. 

Appreciate any input you guys have and thanks for all of your honesty in this page, I think it’s incredibly brave.",7.396155557837801,6.656873686248336,7.717356475300402,73.93939166752253,63.806408544726295,11.153346342131384,35.09297867241793,10.504223727775694,3.526351107459518,3057,119,584,65,39,1004,286,749,0.14,0.726,0.134,-0.8911,2,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,3,13,0,2,30,33,7,2,34,0,58,5,0,15,6,155,127,57,0,24,22,3,3,5,0,8,4,9,0,6,48,39,1,3,38,2,2,13,18,18,0,2,32,16,79,15,91,74,26,70,0,5,3,0,100,30,0,21,24,407,127,3,0.0,0.11591930388033468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560391174649432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211070724557414,0.0,0.0,0.09979744432089596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04025522164296562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927946680632705,0.05402592092261228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043263862159507685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995059315605172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952846096605853,0.0,0.0,0.03154796572199818,0.0,0.0,0.0496505870061187,0.0,0.051108740554850034,0.05606409297933742,0.0,0.042808339297457164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500551718650092,0.04086458582484258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461955579740837,0.0,0.041215397578538614,0.0,0.08792841685139909,0.0478510429056262,0.0,0.0,0.04946866852641977,0.0,0.046968806367755515,0.053587112476393466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667267125312498,0.0,0.0834034226696221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374544538964825,0.043257892302865635,0.0,0.0,0.14488874513440367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836580908990182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473513816075852,0.0,0.0,0.10211505016624466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818779342530625,0.0,0.0,0.051796938894246726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194939503879159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107867287146494,0.0,0.0,0.3327056470988388,0.0,0.1388617544782745,0.06530608810027258,0.049595020909766856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049297686174990835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199193185868007,0.14384099025230576,0.0,0.037728460826185216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693799542182178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629600095086867,0.0,0.052052040283761605,0.0,0.0,0.05297326344007796,0.046697622025206685,0.0,0.08542635776685194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369955436850963,0.14930111610263536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786217369730624,0.0,0.094014080016768,0.05029569601178562,0.048300474378416905,0.15755838844463946,0.0,0.041775575749742035,0.09306415291695196,0.15560574772303942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359891746731525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046535018266025,0.0549857118355331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03765935005774549,0.0,0.05475952697429335,0.0,0.0,0.0390658573883764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084437540421402,0.0,0.0,0.08551271230695995,0.04503698302417482,0.0,0.0,0.09749653567097412,0.25075665930216895,0.04806153825728545,0.0,0.05704878225897145,0.0,0.0,0.09348620206513356,0.0,0.03321200840818908,0.0,0.0,0.4074016477834926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311808849113086,0.07765742317008804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828150004674071,0.10923006286705088,0.05625311216212641,0.0943101215661101,0.053049320527407004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374918198286768,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rebelwoapplause,2019/10/30,"How do I get my sister to stop calling me a dramatic bitch I guess the title says it all. Recently any time that I have an adverse reaction or am upset about something that my sister doesn’t understand, she tells me I’m being dramatic or a bitch. I understand how my actions would be uncalled for if it were directed towards her, but it’s usually towards myself so I feel as if she has no right to judge how I’m reacting. 
Most recent example: 
my sister an I decided to go to a dispensary(I smoke weed, she doesn’t). I wanted to go to my usual but she decided we should go to the place our friend works at. It ended up being super pricey with barely any variety, which isn’t very ideal for me. It was also super small inside and starting to get crowded, I quickly chose some gummies that my sister was trying to convince me to buy, but later realized I’d gotten the wrong ones. I didn’t want the ones she told me to buy. In the car I started talking about how I didn’t actually think I’d go back since it was so expensive and that I regretted my purchase since I’d gotten the wrong ones. It wasn’t a huge deal I was just kicking myself for choosing too fast and actually buying the gummies my sister wanted, not myself. She got upset and said I was bejng soooo dramatic. 

I wasn’t upset at her and I expressed this, I was just upset at myself for not being thorough. 

How do I ask her to stop doing this without her directing it back to me by saying that her words were warranted because my feelings annoyed her?",5.4961566484517315,5.4905104426229485,6.9193169398907095,75.63442167577412,67.52459016393442,9.663023679417122,32.026411657559194,9.444778638647367,2.919127504553735,1195,46,223,22,18,411,150,305,0.129,0.7859999999999999,0.085,-0.8723,0,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,4,16,16,3,4,13,0,27,0,0,6,1,48,52,21,0,9,12,5,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,16,7,0,2,9,0,5,6,11,11,0,3,17,5,51,5,30,29,3,32,0,1,0,0,31,11,2,7,15,172,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.23803535409678805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753326094030032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587718384974726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401834956914872,0.0,0.0,0.18756306409033166,0.0,0.07434712699648056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245372130629116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573784517464745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802245694006347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333567477300104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422782231378768,0.0,0.12744060604208127,0.0,0.2772560954844074,0.0,0.09754444647836258,0.0,0.1343552975666368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24793456916047754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274247152976058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408462478078037,0.0,0.0,0.10415519514889103,0.1160141402538446,0.1939787391258438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177706084968636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389258876866832,0.0,0.0,0.17265118240105218,0.0,0.0,0.20393200008933296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802873085701788,0.10660048459173402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814856024055714,0.0,0.0,0.07111723707633705,0.0,0.0,0.11654026838735752,0.0,0.08280444146991567,0.0,0.0,0.2539342508590767,0.0,0.0,0.26864863338868084,0.10063172582517957,0.21580969223037044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756736968842957,0.0,0.08879005584473387,0.0,0.0,0.08663856634697611,0.2666934049949876,0.0,0.0
bpd,Lestrangerthings,2019/10/30,"Is this a placebo? Or is it real? Whenever I am just walking or basically by myself in a more public space I tend to be a bit more tuned out. Sort of like an automatic switch from situation to another where I'll be leaving a class after talking to a friend, and feeling quite content, to an immediate change. I lose most awareness of my feeling unless it's bad. The only times my mood switches fast is if i have a daydream while walking, see a friend, or I see someone who I'd like to be with romantically. It's a pretty drastic change as I go from either very stern or saddened, to laughing or smiling to myself. I'll usually be daydreaming about some cute little fantasy with a guy that I saw walking or something, and it usually ends with something like ""This is bullshit, why are you thinking this? It's not gonna happen."" Then another immediate switch where I'm back to reality, sad, and alone, even with people around. I tend to just slip into a mood either super quick or relatively slow. Like earlier, I was super sad because I don't have a boyfriend. Then I'll remember that I can't hold a relationship because they're all long distance, and I get very scared that my boyfriend secretly wants out, likes someone else, is cheating, or is just ignoring me (Usually they're just busy, but my mind won't have that). When I remember that I fall into an even deeper sadness, and feel disgusting due to the fact that I'm so clingy, and destroy relationships with my bullshit. After I was all sad and shit I went to another class and got angrier and angrier. The thought of being alone made me angry, but also that the people in it were dicking around. I slowly got more irritated until lunch, where I met up with a friend and immediately got happy. No grace period to recuperate, just immediate happiness, and to the point where I was being obnoxious and over the top. Next class rolls around and I'm calming down a bit, and then we have a fire drill. My friends and I goof off again, and more immediate happiness and energy. It actually hurt after, my head has been throbbing, and my body is just exhausted. I keep telling myself it's a placebo affect and that hearing about this stuff is just making me THINK I have BPD, but my past (which I'll talk about anther time) is probably anther reason why I could have this. When I start thinking it's a placebo it makes me feel like I'm faking and everything is bullshit. I hate it. I just feel like I'm so fake and that these feeling are so invalid because it feels like a rehash of stuff I'v heard prior, but I've felt everything written. Idk. Thank you. [r/BPD](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/)",4.982803921568628,6.241129456862747,5.969117647058827,77.49936274509805,69.13725490196079,9.03921568627451,31.22549019607843,9.372597083632963,2.843490196078431,2093,87,389,43,36,693,241,510,0.18899999999999997,0.669,0.142,-0.9887,0,2,2,0,0,0,74.0,1,2,0,5,29,41,5,1,27,0,35,7,4,5,3,93,77,47,0,3,25,0,9,8,4,2,2,2,0,1,31,35,1,3,16,1,0,6,5,17,0,0,16,14,45,22,48,52,12,55,0,6,3,1,19,21,2,12,36,259,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.06911406853165115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670473871474368,0.0,0.05663797721411075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227956144672281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914529366441127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544593323741088,0.05913513388624383,0.1295210734522263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464306601430544,0.07866956732452866,0.2676012823134188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498449344341547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654725092068982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059164416295367374,0.0,0.06272909770266455,0.0,0.0,0.0935572506817232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730420127312794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506754182672716,0.15179017325993516,0.06800220672122999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188739800839945,0.0,0.0370026495145177,0.0,0.04025094687475653,0.0,0.16993341811014198,0.0,0.0,0.07012695684410912,0.06262948459179128,0.22618059458144466,0.0,0.06992409899359166,0.07268592089433465,0.0,0.07982386580301748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581862375231606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295168094232244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499245602782822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768084759094555,0.07098431680000107,0.0,0.062677066632344,0.0,0.07923400987314506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701544041640753,0.09455122338808997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151211348066241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532219397800201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538648910056023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760958159090039,0.09820097474899016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695163144726919,0.0,0.0,0.07205353329915402,0.07636031818680512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533010840270618,0.0,0.08061328851527523,0.0,0.07281893200781013,0.0,0.15207707597514045,0.16045971303246273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090724194625182,0.0,0.11287521642206508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269988241393792,0.0,0.07960921369125662,0.0,0.0,0.12001799669122655,0.10904764696647967,0.0,0.0,0.05012963598543843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215321416781575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385139738137988,0.06190335234474941,0.06520528126116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614359854930347,0.0,0.05622639452118774,0.0825961608220107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400809677301115,0.11687453775982835,0.04177386706609292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565461551763446,0.1278154009031849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cyberlaser12,2019/10/30,"Abandoned and lost I hope this is okay here, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this so I thought I would rant here. 
So I was in therapy for a few years and I was starting to feel more stable and I had even started going to a social support group. I had seen a psychiatrist a few times but they hadn't said anything to me, like literally I would go in explain what's going on and they would say it's fine I'll be phoned for another appointment but then I started to wonder if there was something they weren't telling me. I asked my therapist about it and they said no everything is open and at this point they hadn't told me much anyway. So anyway my therapist suggested trying medication again and I had to have a meeting with a nurse to discuss it and she accidently tells me that the medication won't react with my eupd/ptsd and psychosis  which I hadn't even known about until then. No one had mentioned this to despite me asking them. I have a hard time trusting people so I decide to go to my next therapist appointment with the intent on asking why they hadn't told me. But they have to phone me to make a new appointment, so a couple of months pass and I don't get the usual phone call, instead I get a letter saying that I had missed my last appointment and I was being discharged. I'm usually really good at keeping my appointments but this time I specifically wanted to discuss something so I knew I hadn't missed it. Then the social group I ws going to moved the meeting place and didn't tell me where they were now so I missed a couple of meetings and then got a text saying maybe the meetings weren't helpful and would I like to leave, I replied saying I can't go because I don't know where they are and they replied by saying that's fine they'll discharge me then. So basically all the help I was getting stopped and I felt callously abandoned with no explanation and I feel like im getting worse again now. I know people will say to get referred again but I couldn't trust them again after this.
Sorry its so long.",3.600824757869251,5.098673769975786,4.586294642857143,85.16857029358357,72.80145278450362,7.486955205811138,26.465572033898304,8.07648339933343,1.5690266949152545,1629,56,328,24,32,530,177,413,0.111,0.8059999999999999,0.083,-0.8504,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,13,1,28,17,0,0,19,1,40,2,0,3,1,55,82,38,0,8,6,0,4,3,0,7,2,8,0,0,16,22,0,4,12,0,0,8,17,6,0,1,29,13,62,11,37,43,5,47,0,6,1,0,51,11,0,3,31,235,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360379618172904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574902940193655,0.0,0.0656109490018483,0.0,0.2236101996266724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048602632740472926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141318533136119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643932912010055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053217497483764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165613103584187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806277087892629,0.05695908664072745,0.07655324783961286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208278020345688,0.0,0.27187418118774204,0.06687369275851751,0.06376731824869303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142236765738337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688259924744237,0.0,0.0,0.07918982258414364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612201930617784,0.0,0.0,0.07086763599972007,0.0,0.0,0.08763498223345736,0.06499054430919951,0.0,0.08442249669829192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685606733656065,0.0,0.0,0.07055848989482577,0.0,0.0,0.08703465029310795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053220355533751484,0.0,0.08009944337566903,0.0,0.0,0.16063905750867016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636396791985374,0.08474031070907108,0.058610681364044535,0.0,0.0,0.07700367500852083,0.08479369804952541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054027072263978265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105494059754394,0.0,0.08330081994912902,0.0,0.07537056637676877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320003580223206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215408515437872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168286601649705,0.3804267009930197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625492708954675,0.0,0.12276000952106356,0.0,0.08925114270991782,0.16929979037745402,0.0,0.0,0.06665780175232015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047659356957513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408390742636019,0.20906245117503006,0.0,0.09117813744266737,0.2777178242478534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329666818833614,0.13947351140960607,0.0,0.0,0.15237075305344386,0.0,0.054131397145081465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756225343507638,0.0,0.04702678564299111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194387163914093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864637212676886,0.0,0.0,0.08125162262453554,0.2265514535092935,0.0,0.0,0.05134346872999301
bpd,Matchbooklet,2019/10/30,"With love, sincerity, and compassion. This is just a quick message of love, support, validation,  patience,  sincerity,  and solidarity for everyone out there experiencing their struggles. 

You came from a place of trauma, of neglect, of abuse, of a myriad awful things you had no control over that now you relive every day, over and over and over, while that deeply ingrained voice tells you you're worthless, you're too much, you're better off alone.

That voice is wrong.

What you need is validation from people: For people to acknowledge that what happened, and thus happens to you, was not right. It wasn't fair.

What you need is solidarity: For those around you, especially those closest to you,  to understand you more, to learn *you*; to find ways to enable, facilitate,  and make easier your journey of recovery. 

What you need is patience from people: For those days when it's especially bad for you, and to learn not *that* you do something, but *why*, and how best to move forward with that and with you.

What you need is to teach yourself how to more accurately see the self, to reconnect to a self that long ago went astray at the hands of people who should have done better.

What you need  are more words of affirmation all around you, to help you along the way.

What you need is a cheerleader, who believes in you, even when, and especially because, you won't.

With love and sincerity I write this.",6.48,7.706065000000002,6.317254901960786,76.48764705882354,65.66666666666666,9.607843137254905,30.294117647058826,9.773937934552695,2.7587647058823532,1105,39,203,23,17,347,129,255,0.076,0.789,0.135,0.9649,0,1,1,0,1,0,52.0,0,23,1,5,12,16,0,1,8,1,16,4,1,5,1,45,33,17,0,7,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,24,20,0,2,5,0,0,5,5,6,0,0,6,5,25,10,45,25,6,29,0,2,1,3,35,14,0,0,10,150,49,3,0.0,0.13253276177450546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915486132215122,0.0,0.0,0.1158505615466248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915365313027986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339628055474238,0.06818725022344971,0.0,0.0,0.12602501740794853,0.117387470212577,0.19785761111713526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127935099106885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254576175536042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427757536639813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446898548050985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388077660743418,0.0,0.09424470792814453,0.10688456652821174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223566323024626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783030931107934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749756765063992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899030432235836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028670894269284,0.0,0.07466570214701415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888674428783795,0.08222808046793266,0.4976451955951048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31019142718266113,0.0,0.11686720519894457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552563280657587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913588832750402,0.0,0.2333833863612065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611331336044391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169376711762641,0.0,0.0,0.12693448435266694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776832287200084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431310519980255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644752798888768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775744405029897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369295692125166,0.1009339309600148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229853845057034,0.0,0.0
bpd,katealice_4,2019/10/30,"I don’t know what my diagnosis is anymore and I’m tired of not knowing I’ve been diagnosed with so many mental illnesses/disorders by different doctors/psychs over the years and now I just don’t know what I actually have.. One minute it’s BPD, the next it’s bipolar, then it’s manic depression. I’ve made so many appointments to see my GP and she says I need to see my psych but there’s such a long waiting list.. 

I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago but last year, after a near-fatal overdose, I was started on Quetiapine and I worked so hard on my recovery, I really started feeling good. I accepted that I’d have bad days and my emotions were completely valid but last month I just started getting seriously manic. I just couldn’t stop talking, cleaning, not sleeping, etc, I just couldn’t stop. Now, I’ve just completely plummeted into such a deep depression. I can’t get up in the mornings, don’t want to work, etc.. I went back to my GP whose now saying she thinks I have bipolar. 

I don’t know what’s wrong and I just want it to stop. I really want to be okay again. I don’t know what to do or what I have and I don’t know why I’m posting this here but am hoping someone can give me some advice or something..",1.5528571428571425,3.6633823492063513,3.465803174603174,88.16808571428572,80.66666666666667,7.047873015873016,24.76253968253968,8.109356740369918,1.5264871111111105,960,37,204,19,25,323,130,252,0.131,0.787,0.08199999999999999,-0.9265,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,2,18,9,0,0,7,1,22,6,1,1,0,46,48,17,0,7,14,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,12,10,0,4,9,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,6,6,30,4,18,39,4,32,0,2,2,0,7,7,0,4,23,128,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.1002787559641846,0.0,0.0,0.1004157017260355,0.0910903756485624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191012389655756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901595459706914,0.08580015307841922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588447789277623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548342146290275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627157943920689,0.0,0.17701375582516593,0.20859809789160888,0.0,0.1073621351552562,0.1177716504546751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559096055806688,0.0,0.0,0.2292087136665945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051958449950299634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737552395704483,0.0985765779328046,0.0,0.08619005724860343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092052609976987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206368245104512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388446408795032,0.1675259284650271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909392024360052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723382139298772,0.0,0.20836464683483027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355772395292402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202190378825867,0.0,0.0,0.0761951006099814,0.0,0.0,0.10928622882543806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696327099539994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841549714283236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166113735379426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343745841326848,0.0,0.0,0.1637725360764892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283402671020064,0.0,0.08706805761259888,0.07910952582405385,0.0,0.0,0.2182017774538222,0.0,0.0,0.25773541936040806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259444666436021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065844340064953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810729053420795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183120355370036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525937782696388,0.09272474959107063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496207380770844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235172597880357,0.0,0.1985218548567294
bpd,Hayhaylou,2019/10/30,Guilt Does anyone else suffer badly from guilt? Like I will go to a social gathering and if I feel depressed during it when I get home I cry and cry because I feel so guilty that I didn't have fun and everyone made such an effort to be there. Its horrible.,3.1463207547169816,4.376191886792455,4.4944811320754745,86.43908018867926,73.52830188679245,7.564150943396226,22.683962264150942,8.07648339933343,1.0679471698113208,202,5,42,3,4,67,42,53,0.452,0.51,0.038,-0.9790000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,9,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,6,2,3,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784663254248776,0.26151853541700937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311065806174626,0.1555889557938339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5607275731220202,0.0,0.0,0.21983362870812131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335796726436088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321618574161852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24388808819983665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581090840398921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333498120294508,0.0,0.1450559965347972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25602162879937096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246949837207008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24150963511660534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601800550468362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SynnieSchrantz,2019/10/30,"I'm insanely sick...of this. I feel like less of a human being. 
I can't look in the mirror without morphing into an emotion I'm not equipped to handle.
I don't know how many times I've screamed at the top of my lungs because I want so badly for there to be a medication that can fix me.

I don't know how I could explain any clearer to people that there isn't anything they could say that I haven't told myself.
I know I'm emotional.
I know I'm too much.
I know I'm angry. 
I know I'm controlling and scared.
I know it's impossible to love me fully.
I know I'm damaged. 

I KNOW. 

I'm unbelievably tired of watching random impersonations of myself rip my life apart. 
I see it happening, but the real and logical me is trapped behind a glass wall that I can't break. 
I can't stop it. 
I watch her scream and lose touch with everything around her. 
She wears my skin and she uses my voice but I don't know her. 
I never do. 
But, I'm the one left in the scraps of destruction. 
I'm the one left to hurt and never heal. 

I can't get out of this shit. 
It's been years. Why am I not better?
I just want a head that doesn't destroy me. 
I want to stop BECOMING the emotion and just FEEL it for once. 

I can't tell you how many times I've been willing to bargain my soul just to get rid of this. 
I'm never going to find true happiness. 

I'd just destroy it if I did. 
I try so fucking hard to keep my head up. 
I carry so much weight on my shoulders and I feel like I'm constantly drowning, but I handle it alone. 
Why can I hold the rest of the world up, but the world can't reach out a hand to me?

I didn't ask for this. 
I didn't want a fucking life that my head would just destroy. 
I can't love the right way. 
I can't sleep. 
I can't forget. 
God, I can't fucking forget. 

I'm sick of the cycling and the fighting.
Fighting that I cause by existing. 
The other parts push their way out and I'm grasping to hold my place. 

I'm more than certain this will be what kills me.
I'm losing touch with reality. 
I'm losing touch with myself. 
I'm losing...",-0.2033108108108124,1.72572161936937,2.2625450450450484,95.31652027027029,86.1846846846847,5.231531531531532,19.15990990990991,6.528864054313183,-0.05666576576576565,1565,44,374,17,48,536,184,444,0.191,0.703,0.105,-0.9902,0,2,0,0,4,0,54.0,0,1,2,7,16,29,11,1,21,0,34,22,10,6,5,75,85,21,2,8,14,0,10,2,0,3,6,4,0,1,21,17,1,6,17,0,1,2,24,21,0,2,6,18,64,8,42,71,6,34,1,6,4,5,18,20,4,2,11,224,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807699147584117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053033113614233116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417578398379466,0.06942402079201504,0.07290632679519325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511500262450841,0.047539505330252564,0.08612934394961914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897222668101767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011304284117739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427509638531988,0.08746786325692392,0.1245308550139594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631710584442227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008873452418936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829610380019667,0.11142634257787047,0.0,0.0,0.07127773654384373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629023530624855,0.08148887004759356,0.0,0.04432120702441515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896270940065903,0.08301748352688207,0.06986008445423149,0.0,0.2401082208879754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348556196922921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931748692176523,0.08627988829592449,0.0,0.4285903324671931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946390450650242,0.0,0.11016755181784964,0.07619998235737169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548854853965935,0.34898527638509946,0.0,0.0,0.14077071167984026,0.0,0.0,0.15813100604965388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856263025357528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465727850563423,0.0,0.1804426943786625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305248116858288,0.10569058279563244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445117360423605,0.0,0.05406563161597281,0.0,0.08147870908829072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876507328688857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659956685600768,0.0,0.062017549804347226,0.07807753093632361,0.0,0.06214469749661351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005144696706643,0.0,0.0,0.07804226075218616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039947603778748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681631491381791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094845779914007,0.08963336610926029,0.0,0.07451890791223327,0.0,0.0529473342905905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735481318811619,0.0,0.0,0.18399251239556347,0.12380321882968888,0.0,0.09496586567625102,0.0,0.0,0.14074036225695485,0.0,0.0,0.07517566345544795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539897441971745,0.0,0.0,0.050220388644308826
bpd,kittydollie,2019/10/30,"DAE dislike someone after they do something YOU don’t like and then look like a terrible person? I’ll start by saying this is going to be a long post so I apologise in advance if it gets confusing and it’s all over the place.

Here’s a TLDR: I realised close friend is toxic (in my head) so I push her away and she doesn’t know or understand why. 

So just over a year ago I met a guy that I fell for (we’ll call him Jerry). I thought he was the one, was obsessed and when he left I had a HARD time accepting it. This girl (we’ll call her Sarah) was going through the same thing with Jerry’s best friend (let’s call him Paul). Naturally I became close to Sarah because she was going through what I was going through at the same time, and she had her own mental health issues that I could help with AT THE TIME. 

A month goes by and Sarah gets back with Paul. So her support went from “I feel the same way” to “oh me and Paul went through that”. Obviously I’m happy she got her love back, but it was hard to hear all the good stuff about Paul. It started to frustrate me because it kind of felt like “you got him back, but I haven’t got my Jerry back”. 

Fast forward 9-10 months and I’m struggling to relate to her. Whilst I managed to move on from Jerry, and cut him from my life completely, I have realised that Sarah and I actually have nothing in common anymore. I’m very reserved with my feelings and push people away once I feel they’re too close. She is very open with her feelings and likes to bring attention to herself. 

Another point to add is that she’s now buddy buddy with Jerry despite knowing what he put me through (he was abusive). So obviously I pushed her away for that reason too. 

Without going into too much detail, my father was diagnosed with advanced cancer, and I lost my 3 pets in the space of a year. I’m not okay mentally. I’m struggling. But she makes it about her. She’ll say things like “all I’ve done is be there to support you and I get nothing in return” when her idea of support is “I’VE been through this and it got better, so can you”. Instead of saying “I’m here for you”, she will just say “you’re deliberately isolating yourself and making it worse”.

Even though I have explained over and over that my mental health isn’t great right now, and that not being open is my way of coping, she tells other people how I’m being a shitty friend and makes them feel sorry for her and me look like the shit person.

It has got to the point where I can’t even see or hear her name. If she calls me I just watch my phone ring. I don’t open messages because all they say is “you’re not supporting me, I’m going through a rough patch with Paul. You’re meant to be a best friend and be there for me”. I feel like she’s making me feel guilty for going through a rough time with my own problems you know? 

I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel like I can’t be there for her because my own life is too hectic right now. She doesn’t understand that and expects me to support her without her listening to me anyway. I have to be civil with her because we’re in the same friendship group, but I’m tired of being the bad person. I’m tired of her blaming me for feeling this way, of other people saying “why are you ignoring Sarah?” because she’s told them bad things about me. I’ve realised that she’s a very manipulative friend and if she doesn’t get her own way, she starts an argument that I’m too tired to respond to. 

No one understands that if someone is somewhat negative towards me, I have a hard time liking them. Is it just me? Am I being the asshole? It’s a constant battle in my head and I’m trying to focus on not spiralling deeper into this hole.",3.0439816933638464,4.21840187747036,4.0461091463837455,89.77085708342005,73.70355731225297,6.591137923861037,24.64648776090424,6.8360192770164,0.7573947299077735,2871,86,621,24,57,929,268,759,0.124,0.747,0.129,0.6956,0,0,1,0,0,0,68.0,2,7,5,6,42,43,4,4,29,1,59,13,3,7,6,110,133,45,0,7,20,1,15,9,5,4,9,11,1,5,38,43,0,1,23,0,0,19,17,14,0,2,25,30,110,29,87,92,16,89,0,1,4,1,94,36,1,9,40,415,148,1,0.0,0.05888025499244815,0.04849499177508382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044051474067389206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210936895414188,0.0,0.0,0.04928392432317824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140069803998714,0.15284904689698595,0.08298622530429009,0.18176106616814974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430332978037324,0.043951044401364735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297593678364445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210409049770545,0.05370246375096202,0.0,0.0396772831720451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043921289353003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085507133162142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564594153839824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614482208946066,0.10650600319395268,0.04771483614979731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197053670578484,0.0,0.103854003793226,0.0,0.19769904526973656,0.04168167102968322,0.19872750195543865,0.05478873258614922,0.054744464956946584,0.049205701062285334,0.0,0.052901077435908654,0.1335504371026513,0.0,0.10200247824568172,0.10564657454848288,0.11201938470168213,0.0,0.033309401327040765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609942143669479,0.0,0.051868498093828964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051749524879164836,0.08193294738494593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399358517044782,0.050816337162912034,0.0702018652222019,0.2185054820047151,0.0,0.0,0.04397836642231438,0.08346229324910727,0.0,0.05424778432381081,0.0,0.044851530080840106,0.0,0.1326867567760011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024212026933534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933188862073584,0.052817746534249324,0.036531422726473146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536707163542882,0.0,0.0,0.052923378918379976,0.06734901453508386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033564272209628,0.1301748430161593,0.0519205270473154,0.0,0.09395536640638844,0.0,0.0475939163643697,0.0,0.0,0.04755124701527095,0.0,0.049957036403383566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109456849833601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848782375415363,0.0,0.27663529965539274,0.0,0.0,0.0396003506109039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101103544640729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421254725783714,0.03825751294260652,0.0,0.0556293007908447,0.1055227829781925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390366585427893,0.05688869831017431,0.0,0.28196555726863554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343547741562855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904512344403664,0.0,0.04882492446365265,0.039452149146724166,0.14488729374550452,0.1713507121611934,0.0,0.04748554582033178,0.0,0.06747906374262673,0.0,0.0,0.15520223187286405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301033352096727,0.0,0.15778179216919686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213522245665164,0.08968372065508486,0.0,0.0,0.09580809788012183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064328385593005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400369068459495
bpd,TheNerdsdumb,2019/10/30,"Not sure BPD but i have serious bad intrusive thoughts over my gf leaving me for this new person she barely knows I have terrible intrusive thoughts of abandonment. Idk if bdp but maybe some of you can relate. Just... its happened before and it got so bad i pushed her away alot. I dont want that to happen again and i dont want her to feel bad for making a friend. It.. basically CONSUMES me and i just lose all train of thought and logic. Its bad enough this relationship feels a bit one sided and i wasnt always a good partner so i guess my  ""justification"" of her hypothetically leaving probably doesnt help.. These thoughts hurt",1.7243852459016402,4.4648424836065566,3.1493237704918045,86.06447745901642,87.27868852459017,6.328688524590166,23.19877049180328,7.645422480735847,1.3791622950819675,501,19,98,10,16,163,81,122,0.322,0.647,0.03,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,6,12,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,2,29,21,10,0,3,6,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,9,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,6,2,17,3,10,15,5,6,0,3,0,0,11,3,0,4,2,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117167703536462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552811811859094,0.0,0.4462248562427589,0.0,0.0,0.1136896652487792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458641744895609,0.0,0.16827326368617107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313172677047973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805168431511033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511136651748382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322439034946164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120631622596337,0.10685767507365332,0.0,0.14718310729237,0.0,0.2362963514405031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955391550941369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302899249996956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734268800521504,0.0,0.0,0.28294091609466565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947199042955978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918366986597377,0.0,0.13422612913462398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903841512429234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905355202589738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666042647101516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405087875130695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344385246376368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125922959693624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242759449996284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576096695927803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,missinamorata,2019/10/30,"Borderline and breakups I was in an amazing two year relationship. After an amazing year, my borderline self started to ruin it. I would constantly feel like he was abandoning me so I would break up with him and try and find other people to validate me. He tried so hard to keep us together but in the end, he gave up on us, and once I realized this I tried so hard to make it up to him by trying to be the best partner I could be. I feel so horrible, I regret all the fights I caused and how much I made him cry, and I honestly wish I could just disappear because of it. I did 6 months of therapy and I have changed so much to be the best person I can be but I still hold on to this weight and constant anxiety that I just ruin every interpersonal relationships I have, and that I'm a monster. It's been two months after I think will be our last and final break up, and half of me wants to hate him and the other half wants to hate myself. I feel like in a way, he was controlling and manipulative, and that now that we are over I'm glorifying him. I was wondering, is this a feeling everyone with borderline experiences after a break up?",7.172110807647287,5.287123729613738,8.218548575887635,73.86678501755759,64.92274678111589,12.249551307062035,34.91572376121732,11.20814326018867,3.622436909871245,891,32,189,22,11,307,114,233,0.174,0.685,0.142,-0.8573,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,4,0,0,3,10,14,3,0,11,0,21,1,0,6,1,47,39,22,0,8,4,0,7,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,13,17,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,7,0,4,8,7,35,7,30,21,5,31,0,4,0,0,20,11,0,1,17,145,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452304069766227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735247770801697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23190074228786234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350164236244363,0.11688168578055658,0.0,0.0,0.2387966181474393,0.12392172087728677,0.17643140327231155,0.0,0.12136591307616458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785960018825286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309093076825628,0.10557604773372588,0.0,0.10807849454389404,0.0,0.0,0.22346427148812406,0.15786534172845196,0.0,0.12103423649146765,0.10098405795973048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979511460288395,0.21816811086527185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982068378760126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900624912685472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079577411969864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104546445680993,0.07375161812406905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763809832052787,0.0,0.162442830251713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766614624285487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659848841269633,0.09647388626428334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372455909260376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526311206129924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820399646700607,0.0,0.08823588365522851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635269168149196,0.0,0.0,0.07079626845251072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000564795727102,0.0,0.21586150196838566,0.0,0.2658069926395937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033740573735147,0.08770025559248984,0.0,0.13454465515676936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270557820000324,0.0,0.11981955566750073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697505322069782,0.0,0.0,0.14230133793593636
bpd,beachbreak30,2019/10/30,"I started work, I feel so isolated, and it make things worse, it means my partner gets to be more social and go out more. (we love somewhere that gives indefinite unemployment. It's really hard to get disability, and many disabled people live off of unemployment) 

Work days I really struggle to do anything.
I get my rosters weekly so it's hard to plan anything.(and I was hired as a Christmas casual, so I have to have full availability) so I don't get to see my friends. My friends live a little away, or work full time, so they tend to need more than a weeks notice.

As well, my house has been pretty disorganized, and I'm having to shift things in my life that were organised but arent working now (for example, I was really on top of budgeting, but we had fixed incomes, and had for a while, now mine has increased but is variable.)

On top of this my partner has mental health issues and struggles with housework and executive functioning.

He is making a big effort to change it... 
and the past three days I have had off, have nearly entirely have been dedicated to cleaning and organizing the house. Also I have been organizing the house, I realize a lot of housework needs to be done more regularly. I honestly did 7 loads of washing yesterday, and deep cleaned the bedroom including moving furniture to sweep and mop. (It was so long ago that it was swept and mopped, I felt like I should do it properly to get on top of it, instead of sweeping around things.)

He is honestly trying and doing better. But it's hard to hear him talk about friends, and wanting to join a gym and do more volunteering, activism etc.

This is all stuff I wanted to do too, but we didn't have the money for it. Now I work, but I am too fucked to do any of that.

And I end up feeling really fucked. And I can't express it because he takes it as me attacking him.",4.734317548746517,5.838367022284121,5.754689693593317,79.3810484679666,69.5849582172702,9.198038997214487,30.23743732590529,9.490545024520769,2.6875518885793865,1447,57,282,31,25,479,183,359,0.08900000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.136,0.9505,6,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,3,0,1,11,16,15,3,2,12,0,42,6,0,2,1,45,68,35,0,5,7,0,6,1,5,1,3,1,7,2,23,23,0,0,5,2,2,3,4,5,1,1,15,8,34,10,45,50,11,37,0,0,1,3,20,19,2,3,16,206,57,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347798679984629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530948651829995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404033567826918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749570916453404,0.08383323724863427,0.0,0.10713448999832753,0.08847789619460739,0.0,0.0,0.057406508346346974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832876715717593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099621716952782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146657633678094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637087210366622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340863092418101,0.0,0.10502691331349064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523260318577992,0.0,0.09042009482307607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182716597120404,0.17412139107023314,0.2460054782871628,0.0903385699406604,0.053520240130646365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530794226888754,0.0,0.0,0.1001006611278867,0.10613893082384357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259862778120849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829132601966352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665166206399649,0.046007787552705584,0.09438529961710156,0.16631158277547062,0.08333944707649475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006184978202448,0.08499410099906292,0.0,0.12572136988783747,0.09547584535791248,0.0,0.1025811499468209,0.0,0.0,0.09490344343860163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009016136982604,0.0,0.13965500872392927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721569124041848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989803527198151,0.06528715667215326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580699843984908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413165300465252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504306304277647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599671406877032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666555786613103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968984927353465,0.10780465596525324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080578599718622,0.0756920594442283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769150595964296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491257602980597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393675253358927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110904249542088,0.0,0.15107854139894222,0.0,0.08467213114529178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342792471467298,0.0,0.09596953270528216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,schknitty,2019/10/30,"I'm scared I will always be alone... I'm one week out of a three year relationship, my third long term relationship. Oh god I am so scared that this cycle is just going to continue. I read a post here about feeling overall unhappy in relationships anyway and I can also relate to that. My brain fucks everything up so quickly. My last partner was patient for so long but in the end he couldn't cope. I don't blame him though, I had accused him of having feelings for about seven different people, gotten irrationally upset many many times, had constant mood swings, spiralled into escapism through smoking weed constantly.. I feel like I am never going to be on top of this. Im so scared for the rest of my life. I am 29 now and honestly, I don't really want to turn 30. I have such transient relationships. I feel like it will always be me alone with my head.",4.578214285714285,5.815217535714287,5.603333333333335,79.82500000000002,70.07142857142857,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.189907142857143,678,24,129,12,12,224,110,168,0.159,0.752,0.08900000000000001,-0.8781,1,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,14,9,1,4,4,0,18,4,2,0,1,14,30,9,0,2,2,0,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,5,0,4,4,4,20,3,21,20,2,24,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,16,89,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24516929317378655,0.0,0.0946519721314295,0.1969690103944422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212823799163032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25580893423921586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366038503097734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483130047418207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637379991137794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23938428263094225,0.1691119628667905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942136121895234,0.0,0.0,0.13453275308370036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214708945700802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278484662402002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647871098455417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360074691999042,0.11564885186700173,0.0,0.0,0.2094886948994482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399957155954276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912860685225684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020339490463615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205550747409901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335559088964225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839143312864195,0.0,0.07582406457938955,0.0,0.0,0.5082948178962178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554952322842343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628751289025785,0.0,0.06901631993965597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874104313347745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981144270768158,0.0,0.09494077407283126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621957521971867
bpd,dominicanaaaa,2019/10/30,"Zoloft and Possible BPD Rage? Hi Everyone, 

I believe my boyfriend has BPD, he has been diagnosed with Manic Depressive in the past but BPD seems more realistic to his symptoms. He is also in outpatient detox for Heroin, and while he is detoxing from this, his medical plan includes Zoloft, he just started this week, and three days ago he had an explosive BPD rage. I have been with him for 3 years and I've never ever seen him like this. He was more depressed than I've ever seen him, he tried to commit suicide that night several times, wielded a knife from the kitchen and was even terrifyingly verbally abusive to me and mother. I want to know if anyone had any situations with Zoloft. Also, he had about two glasses of Bacardi that night after taking his Zoloft.

​

Thanks everyone!",5.691637608966378,7.543341924657535,5.831569115815692,76.8933188044832,68.10958904109589,9.144707347447072,31.76587795765878,9.573946990214177,3.1569397260273977,635,27,109,14,11,201,94,146,0.18,0.753,0.067,-0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,4,0,12,10,0,0,4,19,20,11,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,9,0,1,0,5,9,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,9,2,11,2,17,11,2,16,0,2,2,0,16,2,0,2,15,69,16,0,0.0,0.14493925486036233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843682364566637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956520951567945,0.0,0.1325428655324757,0.14864250231999798,0.08318756659529952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553492301942225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782231557168054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6162737927985313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889175471286425,0.0,0.21072269475895505,0.12416084022511566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079681255119121,0.221306241489188,0.0,0.23378022492325204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722853778407513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976352013785274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323308195065502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943472711813505,0.0,0.0,0.22959399827218946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677638345846765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790698991536954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136326104841114,0.0,0.1381963719084376,0.0,0.0,0.137502345763496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865847333576288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380751104673208,0.0,0.0,0.12714613767064722,0.09197579893342388,0.0,0.0,0.11262363630860404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713307250347379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305301343196983,0.0,0.11949715765482195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215251158586787,0.0,0.09812453425357262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864250231999798,0.07877553551125167
bpd,kathrynrachel,2019/10/30,"Help please. Hi everyone. I’ve been seeing an amazing man for a few months now. He has BPD and I’ve read up about it and trying to learn more about it so I can understand him more and try to help when he has bad periods with it. 

He’s been struggling hard recently and I’m trying, really trying to be supportive and strong for him. I am worried and just want to make things better for him. That might sound selfish but it’s all coming from a good place in my heart. 

I just need some advice on how to cope and things to say to him when he’s having a struggling time. 

Many thanks everyone x",0.9919887429643524,3.1573791056910596,2.490243902439026,94.0608067542214,83.14634146341461,6.061038148843028,18.404627892432767,7.321109707123232,0.22981475922451544,462,11,103,7,13,150,78,123,0.098,0.7290000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,0,2,4,0,9,1,1,2,1,21,18,12,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,9,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,4,8,6,17,14,5,12,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,2,7,65,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204066353470946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299110794546208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760663532780515,0.0,0.0,0.1959600503915431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402693430639026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973456615669082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050143821058002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937800224896646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437479759476208,0.20857727973605472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385747597807604,0.1577437523086547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505631141369306,0.0,0.0,0.12419038518867,0.0,0.0,0.11536794998895927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625583448298108,0.1707910031391086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563201915148653,0.0,0.09967488321507803,0.0,0.15362626987498804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237313447819934,0.0,0.0,0.1239850174117517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253127212601099,0.0,0.0,0.17656159093621762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324628893332014,0.0,0.0,0.20673405100907816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907257302556894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42254135450783614,0.0,0.0,0.16197458797078856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177096265630308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800911049698715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,old_lupus,2019/10/30,"rant- this is my first time sharing my experiences and i want you to tell me yours as well I'm 21 i live with my sister and i got a decent job , for the the first time in some time i have what could be consider by many of us a great state of mind.This year saw me staring at death at least 2 times  i started the year miserable and drunk almost every night(i worked next to a bar and i would take any drink offered disregarding the possibility of drugs i was the only employe of that store and being drunk on the job was a regular sigh) i would not sleep well for weeks to the point that i started hearing hallucinations soft ones but still  daily nightmares  and even ended up clinically depressed for 4 months sleeping in the living-room floor not showering for weeks, i made my lil sister and  mother go through something horrible by trying to kill myself with   diablo rojo (a product used to clean obstructed pipes) it went to the point that i  would ask my mom to hide -chains -rope-knifes-ties because i didn't trust myself around them after burning my arm with a knife i put on the stove  ( my arms are full of scars i put out cigarrets on my arms ). i would stare at the beems and picture myself dangling... it WAS my lowest [point.](https://point.Now) Now thanks to my lil sister i'm in a better country in a better situation ..still sleeping on the floor what but what do you expect of a worthless loser, still i turned away from many things now that may upset this balance of mind i have achieved.I still have not got over my ex we broke up a year ago but we still had sex and i was deluded still thinking i was her boyfriend she was not the best person for me but i loved her... who am i fooling i still do.some days i curse her names and some days like today i would get on my knees like a fooking dog and beg for the smallest of her affection.I want to get drunk on the daily and i have binge eaten myself to the point i have to puke some of the food and still i feel the most  sane i have felt ever.I'm talking to 3 different girls  flirting with em to feel wanted telling them i like em all, lying through my teeths.A girl at work saw me today and complimented me, she lean foward when she did , right there i thoght to myself "" i should invite her out"" "" i would make her so happy"" ""we could go drinking"" ""i could hug her"". I told to myself no more relationships for the next 5 years i keep telling myself love is a lie trying to  make me believe it "" it will make other people happy but i don't need it "". i have turned down a co-worker that offered me sex  but i want to bang him  not because i like him , not because he is nice to me it's because i'm fucking 21 and my sex life is nonexistent and i need to fucking myself to the grave but at the same time i don't want get close to anybody else physically or emotionally. i will continue to live my life i won't kill myself i promise 5 different people i won't even thought some days i still see myself dangling of that beem at my old house. today i want to cry drink and fucking scream. i want to hear your stories i feel better when i know or even the possibility that somebody will read what i'm writting , i used to send text messages to my ex in the middle of the night just ranting and venting. god i don't know how to end this  please i will read your stories i will talk to you, share it please i want to read. i apologize for the grammar english is not my  first lenguage i will use grammarly in the future but i'm too tired tonight. sweet dreams to all of you  

i",2.5724310109289625,4.28908994027778,3.550223132969037,90.63217213114756,75.9861111111111,6.165755919854281,23.747723132969035,6.858738096098447,0.6532443078324226,2767,86,593,26,61,887,312,720,0.134,0.723,0.14300000000000002,0.0287,7,0,5,0,0,2,64.0,4,7,2,10,24,40,5,2,39,0,48,30,7,8,2,98,106,33,4,21,18,7,5,4,0,16,5,3,3,3,24,29,9,2,8,11,1,6,14,14,3,4,19,14,119,25,87,66,12,89,0,6,5,9,57,35,3,9,51,392,143,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641380640412291,0.0,0.05243077963395877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035606461729281946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661132584831552,0.04894934801940178,0.0,0.049193758767409,0.0,0.0,0.127672200390387,0.0,0.0,0.058991568159674365,0.05494838320649357,0.1389239730990587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541512710596175,0.0,0.05751478528375654,0.10130322450488258,0.0,0.04509742184747265,0.0,0.0,0.10940970043761117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387802090771496,0.06072074867549571,0.0,0.04373989698302983,0.05889773126095783,0.0927504889984962,0.0,0.0,0.10374946876188038,0.047362439728350296,0.04411539252904786,0.0,0.0,0.05121793467316252,0.0,0.0,0.07942406933381366,0.0,0.05027362226910361,0.0,0.0,0.13361166578356734,0.06331368197099196,0.0,0.0,0.14521738327244718,0.08206750843872815,0.0,0.0595145656802199,0.0,0.08375383569525438,0.05772686797019829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147596845107342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802660739795273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041618303137531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039180510242099,0.046539798949074514,0.11585672917348967,0.0,0.05755115711870131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396655504982788,0.10232142036071358,0.0,0.09246933115687177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451353345934403,0.04954411187718516,0.10485172582371068,0.1061692446737416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573695043545396,0.0613231687869927,0.04179309544197622,0.0,0.0,0.07764826137721959,0.0,0.0,0.11137048960936224,0.09827225686889443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549428056826955,0.0,0.035480357789592416,0.039821989822819474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259938977020329,0.0457185606183976,0.0,0.11495068131046945,0.2474846914511548,0.1180556220020393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052721283561709,0.0,0.0,0.15712191777996698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621483362081176,0.0,0.044714985917944636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041723984173109366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885461268428375,0.15719285073205155,0.0,0.0,0.04030913463883105,0.0,0.0,0.07412107652185354,0.0,0.37633145886781066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393680558138617,0.08416965305589387,0.13729432777361214,0.04820587210518873,0.0,0.0,0.034785526720940645,0.03355004775007967,0.0,0.04156783516305074,0.1526571118150029,0.06017989144011991,0.14889291373475955,0.05003203587074903,0.0,0.07109773888815901,0.11390486096037042,0.0,0.0,0.06298239646165406,0.13566617616556145,0.0,0.0,0.24706534859491294,0.0,0.08399975180427667,0.0,0.09415550262909107,0.04853806221741802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143556811854257,0.0,0.0,0.2231694118733854,0.0,0.0,0.1348719865328319
bpd,Gnarniuh,2019/10/30,"I wish I had an identity. DAE feel this way? I recently started a new job which I love! I have been doing really well lately but seems like everytime I feel like I'm doing well I'm just fooling myself. I like my coworkers and supervisor but feel like I just adapted to fit what they would like me to be. 
I feel like this lack of identity is going to be a lifelong struggle. It's so foriegn to me that people actually know who they are, or that they actually have a genuine personality. I know nothing other than ""fitting in."" 
I am depressed. I change my whole life around and get happy again. Only to do it all over again. 
DAE ever feel like they just float through changing themself for other people? 
This is a really hard one for me to explain to my partner who is does not have borderline.",2.493333333333336,4.704533407643313,4.350598726114652,82.51324416135881,77.98089171974522,7.243991507430997,26.390233545647558,8.238735603445708,1.9199311252653923,623,25,120,12,15,211,92,157,0.09300000000000001,0.677,0.231,0.9736,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,0,10,14,0,1,5,0,16,2,0,0,2,24,32,6,0,3,7,0,6,7,1,1,1,0,0,2,13,3,0,0,9,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,2,6,23,11,15,27,3,14,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,2,14,91,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.24683567936645484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258635675899964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26757993688172205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892962885358796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106759717272494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440061914534383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197386916350154,0.3614047649416912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607608498038303,0.0,0.07187660940857256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463115375574655,0.1132935301333425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550334659418874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901074447753578,0.0,0.14266524444089668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933048785368393,0.43251275355347096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414537350037544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214686324605635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135271630469185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570029166377735,0.0961871963830274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753586847916098,0.11042994556819456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204163071434144,0.0,0.12487524684322295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513480982961978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951710569022671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322153639532282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003871081223448,0.0,0.0,0.2274259488845857,0.0,0.0,0.14120079811595845,0.14543586491324395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984165173588426,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ContentComa,2019/10/30,"DAE not have a favorite person when single, but multiple people? So whenever I am single, which is 99.9999% of the time. Only had one girlfriend. Anyway... Usually I have a few close friends that see the worst of me. The rest of them don't see it but probably here about it.

I was doing good mentally but started reading about BPD and am now triggered and thinking about how everyone, not necessarily hates me, but is always going to feel distance is necessary.",4.8113109243697485,6.942193694117647,5.6657142857142855,76.07000000000002,70.88235294117648,8.621848739495798,32.14285714285714,9.23628265651192,3.223756302521009,364,17,61,8,7,119,63,85,0.08,0.8,0.12,0.5746,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,9,4,1,0,5,0,11,0,0,2,0,13,18,9,0,0,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,3,6,2,7,16,5,7,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,5,53,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478633563062745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30997162203404804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351722119802519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244424946578814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901468540467126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987210206894746,0.20642851641997395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24298635115201864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24802474904699864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677303007986302,0.18718057878517688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062426886627086,0.21489701232541172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653522227110767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24618032767612635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39224155003278094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420056186633096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576997378602013,0.0,0.0,0.14351089271200354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27105949829072795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDLostAndCold,2019/10/30,"Used to hang here a lot. Stopped. Need some perspective. Hi, 
Don't remember my old username but I used to come here a lot. I stopped about a year ago. Around the time I started therapy. 
Things are better. I have a boyfriend. I learned some coping mechanism.
But. There's always a but! I'm going through something and need some perspectives from people like me. People who get me. 

A little bit about me to help you understand my situation. I'm 25. Female. Can't keep friends, obviously. Except 2. Those 2 saw me at my lowest and I wouldn't be alive today without their friendships. In all the lonely nights, the splitting, the depression and suicidal thoughts, the desire to run away, and the problems with my family, they gave me a reason to live and stay alive. Names, to make things easier to understand. Dana and Charles. 
Dana is like a sister to me. We met in middle school. We're the same person pretty much. We love the same things. Same music, same style, same everything. We hang out once a month. Way less than what we used to. She's studying. 
Charles, is my best friend. Or was. We dated for a few years. We've known each other for 10 years. We're perfect friends as exes. 
Charles and I never had a big fight. Ever. I always saw him as my pillar in life. Hard to describe, but whenever things went dark and bad, I called him and he always knew what to do or say to make me feel better. He never judged me. It's like he knew me without talking. Soulmates, or something. I don't know. 

Side note: I have 3 other text friends. They're toxic. No shame in admitting it. I've never met them. Never spoke to them on the phone. Never seen their faces. We text. They're abusive, call me crazy, and see me as the craziest woman on earth. They tell me to kill myself often. They ignore me for days.
I always go back to these people. Don't ask me why. I'm still working on that. When they treat me like shit and hurt me, my brain forget about it in hours and I start talking to them again. 

When I met my boyfriend, they clicked. They're friends now. Talk often. I'll admit that Charles helped my boyfriend understand what it's like to live with a BPD person. I would be single without Charles. He explained to my boyfriend what spitting is, how depression affect me, and other things.

Charles and I were best buds up until 2 weeks ago. I had a small argument with Dana over her new boyfriend and called Charles to vent. Dana is a dating a guy who cheated on her before and it's pissing me off. Dana and I haven't hung out in a while, because she makes time for her boyfriend and not me. When we do hangout, she's not there. She's texting her boyfriend. How hard is it for her to just be there with me? Only for a couple hours. She's become a shitty friend. 
Charles, knowing how I'm avoidant, texted Dana to talk about it and see how he could help us.
Long story short, Dana called me, pissed, I ignored her calls and text. I told her I don't want to talk to her. She's been leaving me alone. 
Right after, I called Charles and I snapped. I felt extremely betrayed by him. He always has his business in people's plates. Deep down, and thanks to therapy, I know he does it to help me face my problems rather than avoiding them. But what he started turned into a lot of drama and I DON'T DO DRAMA. It makes me feel like everyone hates me and I don't like the way it makes me feel. 

I ignored Charles. He tried to talk to me, but I ignore him harder. 

Scene 2. The boyfriend. 

My boyfriend has been talking to Charles since our fight. They're friends. He thinks like a non borderline person, of course. He thinks I'm making a huge mistake. I hurt Charles and Dana. I'm the monster. 
The less I talk to Charles, the better I feel. 2 weeks ago, I would've taken a bullet for him. Today, I would be the one holding the gun. Yup, over him trying to help. I feel nothing for him. My boyfriend insists I make things right with him. I keep saying no. Charles love me. He's sorry. He wants to talk. A switched flipped and I no longer want to be friends with him ever again. 
So now, it's just me, my boyfriend, and my toxic friends. 
I feel so good. Free. 
But, there's always a but. My boyfriend keep insisting I patch things up with Charles and my boyfriend might be gone soon if he keeps bringing it up. 

I don't know who is right or wrong anymore.",0.4509393306455536,2.9072819895953788,1.3503074755913929,98.3282726963618,91.53179190751443,4.063632389371933,19.98567056880556,5.747532961996657,-0.1842166901442659,3351,110,723,25,119,1034,331,865,0.187,0.684,0.13,-0.9944,1,5,2,1,2,1,150.0,9,1,11,7,34,54,8,3,41,1,40,10,7,16,10,163,115,55,2,15,22,1,9,8,10,4,1,3,0,5,34,48,0,13,26,3,1,9,23,25,0,1,22,18,133,30,91,82,21,94,0,5,6,2,118,35,3,14,55,441,167,3,0.0,0.054072920965268466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136454959077635,0.0,0.0,0.04726663939102834,0.0,0.0,0.2278441088196743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526009177656053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04062701026324515,0.04266485941281722,0.0,0.04287789085500468,0.03509238552693677,0.03810536828229067,0.027820168710019626,0.050402983012044364,0.038834112475690886,0.0,0.0957873859131865,0.12108785961749728,0.049824280385610833,0.0,0.057478776407168024,0.05094649250463395,0.2796056620923525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039312626089565775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03643779391501861,0.05049697543561621,0.0,0.029432382700669495,0.0,0.07861494548365781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039937644033393664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256338089149444,0.0,0.04360854358502286,0.04101600144109799,0.0,0.04302293053248165,0.0,0.13845400967456725,0.032603406658547274,0.04381911328899035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173344576804261,0.0,0.02384368639265428,0.0,0.05187363428732529,0.03827853163301441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518825512767969,0.0,0.0,0.0817643903575138,0.04505753802948572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294911898636426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988739955864361,0.0,0.09771167801179204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225866611959902,0.05049108172244237,0.0,0.10032460602094673,0.0,0.0,0.0483234748538995,0.0,0.0,0.032235083817668785,0.1783692405005794,0.04574071886155062,0.0805974169919779,0.04038771116124454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163979955757353,0.08237916909645471,0.0,0.21324348710975816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484141272641201,0.0,0.0,0.03642738082541184,0.0,0.033548780216572614,0.06767918857664175,0.17599209209378588,0.04407693800185125,0.0,0.042827659541346465,0.0,0.043790368502081366,0.0,0.047888831517608976,0.048602399664124316,0.030925120318444545,0.034709340697567766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655705881003065,0.11954659501698507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642969825157111,0.0,0.08733776108770198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692290419800958,0.0,0.0,0.051698339529717474,0.11692241051376465,0.0,0.07258547124347277,0.0,0.04618754048509456,0.07273428517097852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684619128099676,0.03775177401889315,0.051298411063115584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026788433367431,0.0,0.05108739398975594,0.09690727570298073,0.048643454307529116,0.036446130166254184,0.07630991104909203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049919968033228415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301349153546173,0.03988914684023063,0.04201683657614648,0.10438081327261373,0.0,0.2122364785314472,0.05848527624854553,0.0,0.036231041169818505,0.05322313352465703,0.0,0.08651794135630891,0.04360854358502286,0.0,0.061969671854059626,0.049640445439482365,0.0,0.14253059907384946,0.05489623864762616,0.11824832336651232,0.0,0.0,0.08075445938066345,0.07244977436678607,0.07321522648310858,0.0,0.0,0.04230637760192221,0.04118070429107008,0.0,0.0,0.13197863286688352,0.0,0.03322461046126896,0.0,0.0,0.0972586149568847,0.049897392276915864,0.0,0.08816707336739989
bpd,nxmelessx,2019/10/30,"Does it ever gets better? I just don't even know anymore at this point. My therapist says that overtime I'll be able to have more control over my emotions, but I actually don't even know anymore cause it's like 1 day I feel fine and the next 2 days it is the end of the world and I'm drowning in anxiety.

I just feel so tired of it. I don't know what to do anymore and I just feel like a burden to my family and closest friends, that I don't think it's even important to let them know that I'm not doing so well at the time, cause like I said one day I'm doing fine and then I'm not.",-0.11784965034964755,1.5529654318181867,2.3154545454545463,96.547027972028,84.07575757575758,5.576689976689976,20.002331002331,6.67199483983844,0.008935198135198164,455,13,114,5,13,156,70,132,0.08199999999999999,0.726,0.193,0.9194,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,10,9,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,3,1,23,25,9,1,0,6,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,10,5,0,1,8,0,0,0,6,1,1,1,1,5,12,8,10,22,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,11,69,22,0,0.14170598173355672,0.0,0.1382845968383369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840468815984247,0.0,0.4216027690395477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532742522887175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911421558990595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893530801838351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741659055243066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400785955479487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940015634654825,0.12550943925219935,0.0,0.0,0.2807863934222127,0.12818117329856266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358778806898816,0.0,0.21495240645850133,0.10123478166464688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948168997045976,0.0,0.07403552675707482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115116065167284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490396719656198,0.0,0.20769115448819825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070591919294982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960236406022905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395795615931094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479483897191094,0.1126902843361628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645315667802473,0.0,0.09079947125810377,0.0,0.0,0.08262989751815525,0.1628701802106972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274106957827231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zutari,2019/10/30,I just met with a new doctor for my BPD. He told me that he believes BPD is a subtype of Bipolar disorder. Have any of you ever heard that? I’ve researched and I can find no information that supports that at all. Have you been told this before?,1.5622000000000007,3.701498820000001,3.1780000000000013,90.089,80.8,5.6000000000000005,24.0,6.742157984588678,0.7707999999999999,191,7,40,2,5,63,38,50,0.106,0.8440000000000001,0.05,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,2,7,10,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,6,1,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,28,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730579558470473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968366119238925,0.2606188627418569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5826798597547521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651132043469454,0.2367662181450916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924253353075356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142264314454884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341067137030046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624996340816185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420730859027355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,haylvel,2019/10/30,"my school schedule is great this year! i’ve had a lot of problems managing school because of my emotions and lack of impulse, but i just got my schedule for this upcoming year and i’m feeling great about it! i have art first period, english second, drama 3rd, yoga 5th and then i have a spare at the end of the day!",3.147656249999997,4.5802397031250015,4.336375,86.77112500000004,73.84375,6.995000000000001,28.425,7.554174236665415,1.6440662499999998,247,10,50,3,5,81,45,64,0.053,0.784,0.163,0.8529,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,7,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,6,2,7,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,34,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491143189812154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775568251044378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751576321129228,0.21665524616785445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368410114042012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080683969346708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564002396096886,0.5393752173440431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079619288913369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23406239735070955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4951245060114758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31504657020074595
bpd,Bigbweb22,2019/10/30,"I feel invisible and targeted. Needlessly. These past few months have been soul draining. I just started a new job about a week ago after 4 months of unemployment. It's going ok, the pays fine, the works simple, but not boring.

Things are objectively looking up for me, so why do I feel like nothing's changed?

 When I look at people in their eyes, it feels like they're looking right through me, and they wish I would move out of their sight. It's a conflicting emotion that makes me sick. I feel like I can't connect with people anymore. I just dont feel like a person from this planet. I dont feel welcome.

I really hate myself. I just want to be happy, like a normal person. I want to make everyone around me happy and have a life full of laughter and joy. But I just dont feel like that's me. I feel like such a miserable jerk, I would hate to meet myself in person.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so confused and sad anymore. The only joy in my life is my spouse, and I can't even quell the thoughts that he might hate me too. I'm tired.

I'm sorry. I know that I don't have any reason to complain. I know I annoy people. I know that people hate a downer. I just dont know what to do anymore. I'm sorry.",0.8928175313059015,2.89093639147287,2.7784496124031013,92.81656529516995,82.37209302325581,5.364579606440072,20.000596302921885,6.490185161304077,0.0918903995229572,951,26,211,9,26,317,126,258,0.218,0.5820000000000001,0.2,-0.8579,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,3,1,15,25,6,2,12,1,20,5,1,3,0,44,53,11,0,6,9,1,8,7,0,3,4,0,0,3,13,9,0,1,15,0,1,2,9,11,0,0,2,13,36,14,21,47,2,21,1,2,5,0,11,9,0,2,16,126,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853405870355582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257606577519909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230023678041234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688257134983711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178779651408119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624450019426527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696766941713659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213013085919237,0.0,0.0,0.07387669206806831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127376242494002,0.3313981577101883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043939239787091716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164604051202811,0.0,0.3053256622395268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767220613974431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124483362821261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109218110269758,0.2644014756084845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477247332236836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321518372075038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201777169334458,0.0,0.0,0.1234223468545032,0.08217238170123987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467019323214563,0.0,0.0,0.07575115277388132,0.07418471940178659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880066298477694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380481325497967,0.21439874148789784,0.20252240184625386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404529194773338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495292288133421,0.0794915092180785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602560115726411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309303930239495,0.05472313739245729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136388318531202,0.0,0.0,0.06137855685525489,0.0,0.08886089145156666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912034177761068,0.0,0.062016502924946926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395274393480283,0.0,0.08890710614549305,0.0,0.0,0.05628539993185376,0.0,0.0,0.10984307442917823,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nixienoodlebeeb,2019/10/30,"Might get fired I made a joke to a coworker who I thought was a friend, who shared it (in IM) with another coworker and now I might get fired for “threatening” a coworker. No matter how hard I try not to tank my life, it’s like I can’t help it. I am so tired of being me and being BPD. No matter how hard I try, I mess everything up. If I get fired my life is pretty much over. I have no one, no family, no friends who could help me. I would get evicted from my overpriced apartment and have to quit therapy. I am terrified to go to work tomorrow. I don’t know why I can’t stop ruining everything for myself, but I may have finally pushed myself past the point of no return. I am scared and I don’t know what to do.",3.0898039215686315,3.325245333333335,5.03059477124183,86.24667647058823,72.79084967320263,9.518692810457518,26.41111111111111,9.642632912329526,2.011329934640524,548,17,129,13,10,190,84,153,0.23600000000000002,0.6509999999999999,0.113,-0.941,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,5,0,20,3,0,3,0,22,29,9,0,3,3,0,5,1,2,4,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,1,0,2,11,3,0,1,3,5,24,5,15,19,1,13,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,4,7,90,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744165942531274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910421577424524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987973428717352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698839213893524,0.0,0.14154472393466225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447811263909093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23200557186808404,0.0,0.3137813223099602,0.0,0.0853316958400086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690034806462701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128002025924266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218394680487871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503314031999236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210577631562555,0.07335397831055644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207221499635084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31856334253956753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037492740096512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174313009235067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333178968773894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193694047564653,0.0,0.0,0.1527529329139175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596992467733961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032280411783627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552916734446498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170556742517895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919952120359505,0.0,0.17257127338021686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387918689737197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548383032424388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930841431237437,0.0,0.0,0.10665974039081637,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paniche,2019/10/30,"Might as well be a bad person Dear you,

I tried my best today to explain to you why I am paranoid about you going out. We have established that I do not trust you, and you already know why. I did not ask for you to do what you did. But you did it anyway. 

And now I have to deal with the consequences.

Remember when you swore up and down that you will try your best to make me trust you again? What a load of crap. You never did. Whenever I tried to explain why I feel uncomfortable about you doing certain things, you shut me down. 

I have sacrificed too much for this. I do not know how long I can keep on going until I break completely. 

I tried not to let it take over me, all those mean words that can be used perfectly to completely ruin you. You see, dating a sociopath in the past really fucking broke me but... at least he taught me that I can hurt others without even laying a finger on them. I can hurt you back, I just do not want to.

But then again, I tried to be good. You would not let me.

So let's begin this game. I'm going to hell anyway so might as well live a satisfying life.",1.3512030075187975,3.1366607368421064,2.928496240601504,93.40447368421052,79.78947368421052,6.272681704260652,18.75187969924812,7.2636822038024595,0.12978796992481145,840,18,193,11,21,276,122,228,0.146,0.743,0.111,-0.8312,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,19,1,3,17,18,3,0,7,0,27,4,2,3,4,37,47,14,0,2,11,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,13,6,0,1,7,1,0,3,8,8,2,0,5,3,44,10,30,32,5,27,1,4,1,1,28,10,3,2,13,155,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806859873589496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084949287999226,0.0,0.0,0.08923844872721297,0.09690033614501876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435832616727156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24336105734391686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964669381050505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665264660854736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868044618937324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729015670382623,0.0,0.0,0.1978686793787664,0.0973406832050136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484766549031581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031542273319182,0.0,0.0,0.1275606100304289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35601957804606105,0.08197245160983356,0.0,0.0,0.10247790732641382,0.10270423733107822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746702110164644,0.0,0.0,0.12641695066878694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462301464353641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531312586085353,0.0,0.0895080858760711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078678193888933,0.0,0.10133397440067912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434723604256067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131466685781833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248010188647086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725824929932344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710119536955548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000572856157917,0.0,0.0,0.3939656211278262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023349114412594,0.0,0.0,0.06845172226325788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869316890217093,0.0,0.3141623557288521,0.0,0.0,0.1118720228080879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244151158706098,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OHitsaUnicorn,2019/10/30,"So this isn’t the first post I wanted to throw in here But I just need to get it off my chest. I just cut for the first time in four years. And I forgot how sudden the release of pressure is, better than crying. I’m not trying to endorse or glorify, just explain how it feels for me. I’ve been so overwhelmed and me and my fiancé are having issues (have been having issues) and I ate fast food today and I’ve been trying not to and I just got to a point where I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I went to the kitchen and, like the first time I ever did it, slit my wrist with a kitchen knife. 

I just feel like life would be better if I didn’t have to deal with it anymore, no more money issues, no pointlessness. No complications. 

No ones out there to help me and I feel so fucking alone. 

Thanks for reading and pls don’t feel bad or like pity me or anything. I’m twenty four, made the choice, my fucked brain creates the chaos and intrusive thoughts just add to it.",2.4867079207920817,3.8323198861386167,3.3535519801980196,93.5057735148515,75.38613861386139,5.8420792079207935,21.53589108910891,5.985473137389443,0.03901881188118805,755,18,169,4,16,240,109,202,0.16699999999999998,0.705,0.128,-0.8213,1,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,5,17,13,3,2,9,0,16,10,3,3,1,44,36,21,0,5,13,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,7,14,4,2,7,1,1,2,10,7,0,6,11,4,20,6,21,22,1,20,0,2,0,2,3,6,2,4,14,117,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063858622130715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466824385467696,0.0,0.0,0.1117444726309424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337986350857017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401923161109597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158773230123346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916010368577226,0.0,0.13999462079455438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228307883935901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27464016098421545,0.09700916074280444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465114200388783,0.16419908934595873,0.0,0.0,0.2510732946207277,0.07094522453406353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860451581928712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910178854903726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251917625636727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959132418392913,0.1990219592446684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848878472137046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068735074733072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201553688488784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283664437078971,0.0,0.13005029982853256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582780747443854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352740688663247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501816439022256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700942855606608,0.0,0.1078029340164264,0.1583617187431436,0.0,0.12871404770780895,0.0,0.0,0.18438643301997748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009308569910152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587967350199358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964620733326701,0.0,0.0,0.0874449908675262
bpd,throwxawayx8995,2019/10/30,"What does a healthy relationship look like? Does anyone know? What does a healthy relationship look like to you?  I'm old enough to have some life experience under my belt (30) but I feel completely incapable of having a normal, healthy relationship. All my relationships have been rollercoaster rides. They've either been intense and dramatic with extreme highs and lows...or in some, I was so closed off, distant and avoided intimacy at all costs, good or bad.
I feel like a burden to my current partner, that I'm not good enough, that they resent me and don't truly want to be here. I'm paranoid they look around for someone better. I feel like I'm not taken seriously. It makes me crazy and lash out over little things.   
I feel like I've spent most of my life in emotional turmoil. Why am I so broken? Ugh. It makes me feel even worse seeing people in happy relationships... like why can't I have that. 
Sorry for the rant, just having a depressing night.",3.6461176470588232,6.100215977777778,4.40385620915033,82.34794117647061,75.33333333333333,7.34640522875817,25.032679738562088,8.313332769828598,1.7304640522875827,756,26,140,14,17,242,106,180,0.231,0.562,0.207,-0.883,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,1,6,18,1,2,6,0,12,2,0,2,2,31,31,9,0,2,6,0,5,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,6,0,2,1,4,8,0,0,5,9,17,10,18,25,8,16,0,1,4,0,9,12,0,4,9,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195689174152352,0.0,0.0,0.09161149788829503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592534482124937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101531324249966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078989175901576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886360190609467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701710538128439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575962032484433,0.0,0.2126665677534876,0.0,0.06797092098260367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066548480990764,0.0,0.0,0.26017131486214456,0.22055624331428336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263163580793736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954934516972366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872980368787516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056556508669226985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537640323304918,0.30165904148942874,0.10314260739941852,0.0,0.0,0.2592548209310239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373861178452919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965738314537567,0.10082970767233072,0.0,0.0,0.10798647399898334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134466485965497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524328065997255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820057489976806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719509936586235,0.0,0.0,0.11519904261439455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836866683666434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069883834330932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572009014470486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487382965655244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jakobion,2019/01/17,"No sense of self The best way I know how to explain it is that I'm a boat with no anchor. 

I think that most people have an anchor, a sense of who they are as a person. The waves might push them in many different directions but they stay relatively in the same place. 

I feel like I don't have an anchor, Im just an empty boat adrift. And I just feel so empty. Not particularly sad, just nothing. Sometimes I can't tell if my emotions are real or if I'm faking them. 

I'm just so tired of being empty. 

Thanks for letting me vent.",0.8608198051948044,2.7652583125000056,3.025551948051948,91.50581168831171,81.94642857142857,5.501298701298702,18.217532467532468,6.574015621080383,-0.12536785714285692,409,9,92,4,11,139,73,112,0.158,0.7290000000000001,0.113,-0.5033,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,1,8,5,0,0,9,0,10,1,0,1,0,21,19,9,0,2,9,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,2,12,3,9,16,3,6,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,5,1,62,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22567658325999226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467637744199773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418968125556681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746654526669304,0.15362827468755713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322856284910332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818317249116647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198982020777576,0.0,0.10506018190989458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802199616341628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22812888603899045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063415897413115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908520755314705,0.18776910165221236,0.22467637744199773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447684227282097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243389568250562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21268511958889952,0.0,0.0,0.22920948225971965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795891092002548,0.19798465168455645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779222795317492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471627277935731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069280449799612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bobomusty,2019/01/17,Suicide of someone else Does anyone else feel in competition with everyone around them? Someone i know loosely just attempted suicide and now i am so anxious and triggered. I feel like i have to kill myself now because they did and everyone knows they did. It’s so selfish and i know it is but it’s such a strong and troubling instinct. ,3.0853348214285745,5.8605813281250025,3.8319642857142884,83.87375000000002,79.46875,6.1571428571428575,32.58035714285714,7.447530270364453,2.5014982142857143,271,15,47,4,7,86,43,64,0.243,0.67,0.087,-0.8808,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,3,2,7,5,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,10,8,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,9,2,5,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279575552767666,0.0,0.14109148940040625,0.20675071098121733,0.0,0.17962980849272644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300515212012045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658181842288848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371279050985061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856249466582661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405527489998174,0.1441539423240229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232431892385198,0.0,0.3326842718036756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858106806439927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34194046296879305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44143609089957103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rainbowcorridor,2019/01/17,"Boyfriend buying a motorcycle Hi, I’m looking for some advice on how to handle this situation. My boyfriend & I live in different states now because I now go to college in a different state. We see each other fairly often for long distance relationship standards but obviously with BPD it can be really hard on me & how I perceive things since we don’t get time face to face often & I often have intense anxiety or worry about him & being too far to ever help if help was needed. He recently told me he was going to buy a motorcycle & I’ve been really distressed about it. I told him I couldn’t lie to him & pretend I was comfortable with it but he said it was something he’s wanted long before he was even with me & he would’ve done it if he could before. I told him I’m not trying to control him (I’m really not) but I just couldn’t be fake supportive about it. I’m really worried already & I know I’m going to have constant anxiety anytime he’s riding it knowing I’m in a different state & cannot help/save him if anything goes wrong & never knowing if something really bad might happen. Does anyone have any advice for things I could do to calm myself down in those times or how to handle this in general ?",4.964262048192771,5.534043004016067,6.402266566265062,76.88002635542169,68.75903614457832,9.277208835341368,29.618724899598394,9.354420925462401,2.5839977911646588,984,35,186,19,16,336,121,249,0.128,0.799,0.07400000000000001,-0.9288,3,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,0,1,15,7,0,1,4,0,22,2,2,4,3,42,45,12,0,10,12,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,1,4,1,2,4,7,4,0,0,11,4,24,3,27,26,2,26,0,0,2,0,24,9,0,11,10,116,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625150392660276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693343403576157,0.0,0.0,0.7553734959683729,0.0,0.04740932885957316,0.0,0.10666522929191267,0.0,0.0,0.048747108015961584,0.0,0.0573703982353412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058210019414903426,0.042498278687119966,0.0,0.11864650798932627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878049692583895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533832141682054,0.07819251805496027,0.11132524296925538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185154133501724,0.0,0.0,0.06100901629783684,0.07134376045434966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604681701629621,0.06306219072664802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03642377728925703,0.0,0.11886377412563165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061649704235837176,0.0,0.06245191904326225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018766783303369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494241220178515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615605808233914,0.12339308379875495,0.058543953440809614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395774965675317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169359408687494,0.05376934305820548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233095480187525,0.0,0.06883622389717714,0.07484898539423059,0.0,0.0,0.06631596220776502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555469403374662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766986641638395,0.07836380117930586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734169739564804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911298774107674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263253891415522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130402028504005,0.0,0.0,0.1998501221613633,0.0,0.04733264582350807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112035355547782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160013800784546,0.0,0.04952430694249452,0.07622359536522817,0.0,0.0
bpd,pleasehelpmealways,2019/01/17,"I've split on myself I received some critiscism at work for basically everything; the way I dress, the way I spend my downtime, the way I spend my breaks. The person told me that we would be going forward with a clean slate but I need some more reassurance. I just assume everyone at work hates me now, especially the person who told me this, but I've only worked there a week and a half and it's a new environment for me and I just didn't know...

I've completely split on myself, just absolutely hate the person that I am. How could I fuck up this badly in a week and a half? I have so much anxiety about returning to work, what can I do?",3.06114503816794,4.3379200381679395,4.741900763358782,84.39804198473283,73.80916030534351,8.293435114503817,23.787022900763358,8.841846274778883,1.482648244274809,499,14,108,10,10,169,78,131,0.16399999999999998,0.7929999999999999,0.043,-0.9554,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,4,8,5,3,0,12,0,8,1,0,1,0,19,16,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,4,0,2,3,0,20,1,11,10,4,18,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,3,6,77,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026304515246515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126140992135252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482871359242313,0.0,0.0,0.1255171231590444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021817590586356,0.14128765633783044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453354838578755,0.0,0.0,0.08934445041780888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104190425622477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639694241082696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556534921132053,0.11656711528270075,0.0,0.15183165228264894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956312726468805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118016783613958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004363518117271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743511725730208,0.2522041982297373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577947318001061,0.0,0.0,0.11167545415704347,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,frorb,2019/01/17,"This is incredibly important. I have gone through a lot this past year and this winter break but please I hope you read this! An autobiography:



I can’t begin to explain how important it is to be vulnerable. To put your heart out there and take risks. I have always been this way, but never really knew how much of it is really in me. I feel so happy in this moment. I feel like I have waited so long to feel this way to feel everything I feel all at once and how much of it rushes through my body. I get these instances where I watch a movie and I get so inspired by what the actors feel and their situation and think: I have felt that I have experienced that. I couldn’t of gotten to where I am now without the breakup  I endured this winter break. I never saw it coming, but in a way I felt like it was such a shocker. Maybe because I had broken up with him in the past but even then I never meant it and I didn’t mean it now but I am so glad it happened. I am so glad we broke up and he said no to me I am deliriously happy. And you know why? Because in those moments, I did not want to break up I did not want to let go of what he had and I’m glad that I didn’t because it showed me something I didn’t know about myself. I have learned so much about who I am and what I mean to people and how much everyone cares about me. I know now what putting your heart out there means to people. How that itself can inspire people and how that can encourage people. I know how to handle the most difficult situations thrown at me. I feel prepared for so much. Breaking up with him was this catalyzer for my life. The exact one I needed. I know now that I deal with borderline personality disorder and how much I really need to change but I feel so great right now in this moment. And I’m doing it alone. ALONE. Let me tell you in my short life thus far I never imagined feeling this way, alone at least. All my life I always asked myself: when is it gonna be my time to love myself? When is it gonna be my time to finally be happy? That moment is now. These thoughts and all these emotions rising are now. I am living it and all these rushed feelings motivate me to do so much in my life. I wanna write, I wanna play music, I wanna paint, I wanna create films. I finally have reach my eureka. I have reached my catharsis. I never thought that it would be this moment. I am so young still but I feel like I am at least 45 in my head. I wanted to make note of this right now because I didn’t know how else to handle this sudden rush of emotions that I have felt since last night when I drove back to campus. All throughout the car ride, everything in my life was playing and playing in my head. For a second I thought, maybe I do miss him. Maybe it is nice to share these moments with someone. And I realize now that there is nobody who will appreciate moments like these more than yourself. Nobody will appreciate moments like these when you put that same energy to your work (whatever it is that you might do). Nobody can fuel this spark but yourself and the love and appreciation you have for the life you have lived, the people you have met, the love you have given and received, the pain you have dealt. Of course you always need support and a healthy one former, but ultimately it is you and how ready you are to give that your own life. For a long time, this did not make sense to me. Giving yourself all this energy? Its just you. I wake up to myself, I sleep with myself, I eat with myself, I talk with myself. Now this makes so much sense to me and i feel crazy and weird but I am in a moment in my life where I understand this and I just feel so happy that i wanna cry. So long so long and so many thoughts and wonders and worries asking myself: what is this self-love people say is so fucking important? ITS JUST YOU. I understand it and I am happy and feel like I can do fucking anything. I feel so empowered. I just can’t stop thinking about this. 
",1.7005494259131737,3.6914291886559814,3.1840001921629546,90.99436049770209,79.55487053020961,6.0378945345653126,20.64344163850945,7.089147864724502,0.3948695085432443,3076,82,666,37,77,1008,272,811,0.067,0.726,0.207,0.9992,2,3,1,0,0,0,77.0,1,19,1,2,59,37,2,1,20,0,74,22,7,15,12,153,154,74,0,14,18,0,18,6,0,6,9,2,0,1,71,43,1,2,45,7,0,14,17,8,0,3,29,23,127,29,82,111,21,105,0,2,2,5,47,31,2,5,58,505,198,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010596469889098,0.0,0.0,0.12059513219743152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975559461716488,0.0,0.09032797710202173,0.0,0.0,0.03714795079554624,0.0,0.11779903165264415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366230338636844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049255984405287764,0.0,0.05110632107168687,0.041615395411004834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306704193567263,0.0,0.04980621646739868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055368254405203585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943391291712239,0.040357395685453226,0.10868608338955044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031908765618136284,0.0,0.0,0.04616294979770988,0.08683709474207196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664101671635393,0.10353953384467622,0.13915756138445431,0.10584403381061452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932493827326657,0.05048069976427582,0.09268806243788598,0.02745608748388683,0.0,0.0,0.05326272380703333,0.0,0.0,0.042720997679222036,0.2571382238248379,0.0,0.0,0.09916144378572712,0.0,0.0,0.11449683819805424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798343161248492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930180317271278,0.03937967325289934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988019398673774,0.27298624235845065,0.14161302380971674,0.0,0.08531847680654006,0.1710138178906083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041072034549380895,0.13080689475316828,0.0,0.09674331398201276,0.048979473117943866,0.14560379243168445,0.1578735644830306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051250024482842216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28411142030323444,0.10746532884738216,0.18630097325492032,0.0,0.0,0.04533632483061405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144932509311698,0.0654731692180976,0.0,0.051405997236116864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223607050461337,0.2009553635173367,0.04218304496148916,0.0,0.05303064764600299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569680880940836,0.0,0.0,0.04832377946358344,0.0,0.09284722579848104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251415774756397,0.04595454435167305,0.03841861238179884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039860242763973,0.0,0.0,0.039963115149921805,0.10860651514269773,0.04834559531449506,0.0,0.040933504335295065,0.0371919416497178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038580992137591696,0.04038991334299905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054822416548077776,0.0,0.0,0.036323638495615165,0.03883031542577639,0.042225686337561234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191109928041834,0.0,0.15341321650700704,0.08451108334489442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005862972218647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548471808196513,0.15338715866209318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359289782555133,0.0,0.0,0.046569796516484865,0.05239089975231012,0.03517076927326651,0.04906186689938901,0.0,0.03431853936982083,0.0,0.0,0.03111051067118664
bpd,SpeedMid,2019/01/17,"Do you 'scan' a room? Since being diagnosed I am trying to make sense of all this. Whenever I am in a room, that be a restaurant or another place with alot of people... I am scanning the room, like somekind of secret agent..but instead og leaving it at that, I absorb the negative emotions in the room and they will affect how I feel...

Let me know.. you guys also do this?",2.7492342342342373,4.286684554054059,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,75.08108108108108,7.095495495495496,25.84684684684685,7.793537801064563,1.4228090090090086,283,10,58,4,6,94,54,74,0.057999999999999996,0.9059999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,7,0,9,1,0,3,1,11,12,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,8,8,2,8,0,0,2,0,5,8,0,2,1,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395860480132063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31415152523949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040826626844487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370040995006022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148425579655614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296646195289737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646496007976301,0.0,0.0,0.3172278929134353,0.0,0.3063562301217256,0.0,0.14636700510373826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998201790231412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770148060031327,0.0,0.31301305485979913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478281158787827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034053685733032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maplemochii,2019/01/17,"Left my ex fp most likely traumatized, I dont know how to fix it Hey, so my ex boyfriend and I have had a really rough relationship.  I do my impulsive decisions and it would weigh on him because he wouldnt think he was doing enough to prevent it.  
On top of all the shitty stuff I've done, I've attempted suicide when he tried to break up with me... twice. 
I left him most likely traumatized. 
He avoids me and avoids eye contact. 
I dont know how to fix this. 
I just want to at least be friends again, but I am afraid I cant rid the damage that I've done
I'm so fucking lost",2.443577235772356,3.3069047398374,3.9383739837398397,91.16821138211384,74.77235772357723,7.743089430894308,24.235772357723576,8.167268648758528,1.0640504065040657,445,13,106,7,9,148,76,123,0.131,0.792,0.077,-0.7538,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,1,3,3,0,14,3,1,2,1,21,21,9,1,3,2,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,2,15,3,11,13,5,10,0,2,1,1,12,7,1,2,4,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854144522605775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980016477553672,0.4558130128150819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092989830727734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023986384987445,0.17977579491255086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374104365468266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225642655365997,0.0,0.0,0.19000736276266492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122768386968075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245765116738406,0.0,0.0,0.2087780299917241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226109911287136,0.21270845687453507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460257238574678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202605883405516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469796634728448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381393105825113,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sorrythrowawayacc637,2019/01/17,"AvPD and BPD differences? Could anyone please tell me some key differences between Avoidant Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder?

My psychologist and I are looking into personality disorder diagnoses, we've narrowed it down to AvPD/BPD/OCPD. AvPD and BPD have many similarities and I'm hoping someone could possibly shine more light on the differences for me.

I understand some things like identity issues and numbness/emptiness found in AvPD (inadequacy and dissociation respectively), but I'm afraid I don't understand much literature on BPD, so I don't know how or if they're different.

I'm already diagnosed with C/PTSD, which I know is similar to BPD.",9.767067669172931,11.162756508771933,10.22107769423559,50.789210526315784,58.47368421052632,14.935338345864663,44.35588972431077,13.707050652182113,7.296304761904763,558,32,79,24,7,188,77,114,0.057,0.8909999999999999,0.051,-0.1556,2,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,24,17,12,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,8,3,10,14,4,6,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,5,1,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965234026423004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947869339328762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6257370730088376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867059068738004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170785557368126,0.0,0.41526334651874297,0.3416445399170814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089491818477582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869239809583907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371180399283984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921740031070544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048544981922981185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344202470048173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074105784094904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304510237666438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602864609510806,0.0,0.10907352002305992,0.0,0.1120197123103214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615299461198825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419209651244627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684985850016436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601404710358405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688605534881566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Whiteliesmatter1,2019/01/17,"Does anyone else put a lot of effort into sexually please their partners? I don’t have BPD, but I have a history of being attracted to them, and my current wife has it.

My ex wife did not have BPD. She would never ever step anywhere near the edge of her comfort zone in sex to please me. Eventually I became resentful and the relationship fell apart. I simply did not understand what was so hard about say, wearing those stockings I liked, or wearing a butt plug once in a while. And I couldn’t explain why it meant so much to me, but it did.

The next relationship I had was with someone with a very severe case of BPD. For the first time in my life, I found a woman who actually asked what I wanted...and then did those things. It was so weird for me. I almost felt like I didn’t deserve it or I felt guilty about asking it. But why? It isn’t like I would have any problems doing those things if my partner wanted them. Anyways, the sex launched me into another planet and I put up with a ton of abuse-way more than any sane person would, because I didn’t want to lose that sexual connection I felt for the first time in my life. Eventually she began to hit me and it began to affect my work, and I lost all of my friends, so one of the times she split me black over no fault of my own, she asked me to go no contact and I have been ever since even though she has been threatening to ruin my career.

My next partner had a quieter BPD. We got married. She will do pretty much anything to please me in bed. Before I knew she had BPD, before we got together, I told her that I was not going to settle for a bad sex life like I did with my first marriage. It made me so sad and made me feel so worthless and bitter. Of course with the BPD this became a huge thing. She constantly worries about losing me, so she does every single thing she can to make sure I am sexually satisfied. But then she complains that she never gets what SHE wants. And says she only does those things to keep me around. I am willing to do ANYTHING she wants sexually, but she says there is nothing, she just wants to cum, which she does with her vibrator when I am penetrating her. I feel like she doesn’t even need me for sex. Sometimes she says she is asexual. But she has been fucking since she was a pre teen, and has always been very promiscuous. I don’t get it. I feel like if she feels like she is putting in “effort” to keep this going, I feel like it might not be sustainable. Is it? I don’t want this to end. It has been going on for almost three years now.

Also, how the fuck can I please her? She won’t ask for anything, and she wants me to initiate every time. I want to repay the favors but I feel like there is nothing she wants. She keeps mentioning she is a size queen and will tell me what a big dick I have. But I know I don’t have a big dick. It is not tiny, but by no stretch of the imagination is it big. 

I want to keep her just as satisfied as I am because she has this way of attracting orbiters. Her boss, some guy she met at a bar once... you name it. And I know people with BPD have a tendency to be promiscuous and everything in her history says that is the case with her. She even cheated on one of her exes with me a long time ago.

Can anyone else with BPD shed some light onto this from their own perspective?


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bpd,Lm1145,2019/01/17,"Loneliness I always feel alone. Even surrounded by those who love me I almost always feel alone. A lot of it stems from being suspicious of people. I always think someone is out to get me when all they are doing is trying to help me or love me. I crave attention and love but seem to emotionally shut down when I find it. I'm a ""quiet"" bpd sufferer and am very good at hiding symptoms and my emotions but today I just feel a crushing sense of being alone. It's tough. This disease is tough and although I have made leaps and bounds of success and headway in managing my symptoms, I still find myself back in the hole sometimes. The hole that I dig on my own.",3.1488202637057614,4.964865755725191,4.2774462179042345,85.60681471200556,74.64885496183207,6.9010409437890345,24.88619014573213,7.686295010490155,1.312154198473282,518,17,101,7,11,169,84,131,0.161,0.706,0.133,-0.0274,0,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,0,0,5,0,9,5,0,1,1,24,20,12,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,18,5,15,17,3,13,0,1,0,3,6,8,0,4,5,73,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022360789634236,0.4350983080177278,0.0,0.0,0.3495579811204152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767733693921216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636765016437808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150383203141057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249099434013308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241586780798533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559766852325417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731618730109983,0.0,0.0,0.11745369504796305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386169433827027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905171640000335,0.3791578748940747,0.13250335329630078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708179466071833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274814986148299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865017165207152,0.0,0.13849699407608332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118311616356137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910974413059871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972799514817215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273565451341762,0.0,0.0,0.0950737479947043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554253819647245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,runaway_brigade,2019/01/17,"LF descriptions of what BPD emptiness feels like. I just got a quick diagnosis of BPD traits and I'm trying to figure out which ones apply at the clinical level and which ones don't. I've always felt a little empty and it got worse once I got depressed. 

So what does emptiness feel like to you? ",4.705169491525421,5.6130242203389855,5.362500000000002,82.88747881355934,69.50847457627118,7.933898305084746,24.91949152542373,8.07648339933343,1.344589830508474,235,6,46,3,4,76,43,59,0.215,0.706,0.078,-0.8275,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,8,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,3,3,2,6,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673638770243889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066554101024502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732408461605545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760182164711263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340398502071705,0.28738768296506784,0.19312511679520095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826080329196601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653284730547432,0.20159425897495045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420661914716072,0.2725941729590328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365602726331583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497796699676088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lemondrapes,2019/01/17,"Trigger Warning If you’re having a rough day I wouldn’t read this. I don’t want to cause harm to anyone else. Maybe, just myself. The pain is awful today. Today I wouldn’t mind packing up a few of my cherished belongings and fleeing. Fleeing the pain, this job, everything. Today I want to die. ",0.9537931034482768,3.5362191206896583,2.4961206896551715,90.07969827586209,90.55172413793105,4.279310344827587,21.04310344827585,5.985473137389443,0.36909655172413824,231,8,43,2,8,75,42,58,0.302,0.607,0.092,-0.9382,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,5,2,0,2,0,10,7,2,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,26,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389117417864972,0.2108532746502593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140011045796392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271570041713165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135745930408713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719087746509846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849482393228591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421201292062308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674087211966635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778637855209312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379441162878648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058428591090528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851865258001863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427572094656989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sasarai,2019/01/17,"Falling in love with strangers. I have spent the last hour obsessively trying to find an internet presence of a charity worker that got me to sign up for something. I do suffer with that thing of people opening up to me. I spent ten minutes talking to him in which he revealed he ran away from home etc. We bonded on some things, but I feel such an intense rush of chemistry whenever I remember what it was like to look into his sad blue eyes. Just some stranger who I connected with slightly, and I am wishing that he steals my number from the sign up sheet, and I might even dance back to the shop and tell him to come over when my partner is at work so we can make love and lose ourselves in each other's eyes and I can FEEL something. Made a saucy joke and his answer was ambiguous. He looked so tired. I need him. Just for a day.

Did we connect beyond a superficial common interest level? Am I dreaming? How can I live my life without him? I think I might cry. Do I desire him or to validate him or him me? 

Then back to my partner waiting in the car. ",3.0776636288318144,4.611840671361506,4.088019884009942,88.06975973487988,74.2112676056338,6.889698978182823,27.083402375034517,7.510576382923642,1.3908096658381668,825,31,171,10,17,267,131,213,0.11199999999999999,0.746,0.141,0.7006,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,0,3,11,10,0,1,10,0,14,6,2,3,0,43,31,14,0,3,6,0,2,1,2,2,2,0,1,2,10,16,0,1,7,4,3,6,1,5,0,1,8,7,34,5,33,21,4,29,0,3,5,2,23,15,0,7,9,126,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486371421667139,0.2432970368890065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627807423600516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737788193280602,0.1020279954202534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643842040697064,0.10449174125923964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599846129647662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459488598075598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265295750432733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586907386326081,0.0,0.15579831377870684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895674742355315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111743619861459,0.07729010694610375,0.0,0.13969635036640649,0.0,0.2657017371283268,0.1769889473721807,0.0,0.0,0.2855691831944742,0.1496957212688428,0.1056018843865292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33565725242264194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730569034064305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967819992685156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792134195323825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24358515088294025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271577635136948,0.1382765959699311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020639244138825,0.10137024171514193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183134006602028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740960832873346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181925906748732,0.15250226807050632,0.0,0.11517383551502082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wastedlove8716,2019/01/17,"Have I hit the limit of what my therapist can do? First of all, my current therapist has been a lifesaver to me.

For over a year, I thought I was dating a girl with BPD. Funny how this works out, after a few random drug fueled outbursts, she realized that I was also abandoned at a very young age by my dad.

After discussing this with my therapist, who has begun to realize I'm less and less of the perfect guy I came across as, he's begun ripping about 25 years of repeated abandonment by parents, friends, and SOs out of me. No wonder I go on insane drug and money fueled benders when there's even the slightest hint of abandonment. I think he finally believes me when I say I don't even feel remotely myself when this happens. The last one was a full on out of body experience where I didn't even know if I'd survive.

We ended our last conversation with a lot of pause on his end, and with him just asking me to make a list of my goals for therapy going forward.

I feel I've laid a huge challenge on him, and I'm afraid it will be beyond his \[excellent\] capabilities. I'm really glad to have a girl in my life who understands all of this and has made such great strides on her end, but I know I've got my work cut out for me now.",7.103254593175856,5.209622803149607,7.856338582677168,76.4366601049869,65.06299212598425,11.143832020997376,34.55249343832021,9.928628108626363,3.0818619422572184,968,34,203,17,12,327,149,254,0.053,0.879,0.068,0.3848,2,0,2,2,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,9,15,11,1,1,14,0,15,4,1,3,3,41,35,14,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,9,16,0,4,10,0,1,4,3,5,0,2,9,3,33,6,41,23,7,43,0,3,0,0,22,18,0,4,23,143,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071211567043743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773449487543733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188835521233714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988809194543889,0.15861378191540795,0.0,0.0,0.14403886751662026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29209486798207346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33462954299287545,0.0,0.0,0.2495414503464561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231909700802922,0.0,0.0,0.12735549518469413,0.0,0.0,0.1379582965994762,0.0,0.10712231192033422,0.0,0.0,0.09729894447032104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143146285121396,0.0,0.10072366577336953,0.138846458966491,0.0,0.12469785357271045,0.11136605166430458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842383375937015,0.2053116249267184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895332980753905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070674977192562,0.0,0.11916503941177185,0.08406421110913427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533846049801794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983861010251455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067874118796631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001504975026186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402042447193247,0.4386691815979182,0.0,0.08069561873095417,0.0,0.09998025048356976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311053039683514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391156733316566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657376853333406,0.18336789498083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219914922049464
bpd,throw-away-bpd123,2019/01/17,"Probably won't last the day Finally got to a therapist yesterday. But we didn't go over any coping skills or what I should do when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Been struggling since September, but honestly really struggling for the last 5 yrs. I've tried once already. Shocker nobody cared. Spent the weekend in the hospital. Not once has anyone said ""we just want you to get better"" they've left me to my own devices and the complain with the way I'm coping.

Then I was sexually assulted because BPD makes me a slut. Everyone told me It was a lesson to be learned. 

They leave me home all day with a 5 yr old. I've told them hundreds of thousands of times that it's not good for either of us. My co-parent says I need a break but works 6 days a week and then sometimes doesn't even take her for a full 24 hours. 

Maybe I should just hop on a train. 


But mostly I just want to die. ",2.2669902234636865,4.154173698324023,3.5396054469273786,89.61153107541901,77.37988826815642,6.933100558659219,24.595321229050285,7.865858978985527,1.2564997206703912,688,24,146,11,16,224,120,179,0.142,0.765,0.09300000000000001,-0.8981,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,3,1,2,4,5,9,0,3,14,0,11,1,0,1,1,28,27,10,1,5,11,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,0,3,1,1,1,5,5,0,1,9,3,18,4,16,14,5,23,0,1,0,1,12,5,0,2,15,85,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568300474154076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593783069929396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864496942717582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599979716593349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477196519913375,0.0,0.0,0.17768271515126288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383835278218265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272950782802703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641661881764187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318064274303182,0.0,0.0,0.13480600862291073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133324072027515,0.0,0.0,0.15454397733553418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370739605608058,0.0,0.08017783920489102,0.11832947494180335,0.11283290895960975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151266736446855,0.0,0.1389333438339727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999468601380896,0.0,0.14938115865169796,0.15328158458173954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941706142842368,0.0,0.14173174363197438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460749808195624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803755649205155,0.3004867839918558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210587050948748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903781349650256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134197418693571,0.11219083301037168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670112220094725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952968089551135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949705691096149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060730465820083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380235121701606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226367595692181,0.0,0.0,0.26961201724582146,0.0,0.09578265440153808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969938026178125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664228375552693,0.11198109481660394,0.11316420638271495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270641383843238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,taxowl,2019/01/17,"Wanting to be more social Hello, 

I've decided that it's time I start to be more social.  I'm such a freaking hermit, that the only people I ever talk to are either my family that live an hour away, or random people online (dating sites, yuck).  

In therapy, I realized that so much of my emptiness stems from just sitting in my apartment not doing anything, so I know that it's time to get out of my comfort zone and do something.  I have no friends, and the few people that I know that I would go out with are just too busy to do anything with me.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what/where I should do/go?  I'm a 40 year old, soon to be divorced female.",3.8284444444444437,4.39592665925926,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000003,71.2962962962963,7.481481481481483,26.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,1.2716666666666674,509,15,104,5,9,171,85,135,0.062,0.893,0.044000000000000004,-0.3182,0,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,0,1,20,20,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,13,2,17,15,5,19,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,9,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735546992976546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094914014662806,0.0,0.3082276928644734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759538567204115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388825000197824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940368336749884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765490420273534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469052720476547,0.0,0.0978450314500447,0.0,0.2128688196400341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443111715073926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058461948727243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536991534165552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767088701571228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965167696296282,0.0,0.0,0.14243336689791855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38950497824365976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818126967154585,0.0,0.14417576291127984,0.0,0.0,0.13255634053042886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052697176511698,0.0,0.0,0.21416872771373516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184066292364233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046142345207476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330369261773203,0.0,0.0,0.12060089932443414
bpd,Snoball2019,2019/01/17,"The one and only Cure for BPD The only cure for  BPD is acid/lsd, After my life long search for pharma medicines and non pharma.              The only cure for BPD is  micro dosing of acid/lsd trust me there is no other complete cure , only cure for BPD and there is no side effect no withdrwaal effects. it's damn expensive here in my place so I cannot afford it here.
I hope one day it will be available to BPD sufferers",3.512857142857144,4.485251238095241,4.620000000000001,86.875,72.33333333333333,7.028571428571429,22.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.6684190476190479,320,7,66,3,6,105,50,84,0.141,0.79,0.069,-0.6705,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,2,0,6,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,5,2,9,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8443605433757343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058286173556994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647206570277892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317409256663945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470637542887868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865871848155038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817154297862572,0.4079028762060704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008758631823925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tellsthetruth99,2019/01/17,"DAE feel like they are just here to entertain their friends and friends don’t care about you? I feel like I am the only one making an effort in all my friendships. I am the first one to text them, I am the one to organize meetups, I am the only one always offering emotional support for them but not vice versa. It honestly feels like 80-20 effort with me being 80 most times. I get one word responses at best and I feel like it’s my job to keep the conversation going. They don’t talk until I keep bringing up topics that they’re interested in talking about. It’s honestly exhausting. On rare occasions, I try to talk about something important in my life like BPD and I just get blank stares and they feel awkward by it so they just ignore what I said and pretend it never happened.

I feel like I’m working full time when I am socializing. Like, I’m just there to entertain people. I can only talk about funny episodes to make them laugh, be their personal therapist so they feel better or act interested in listening to their hobbies or problems. I always feel worse afterwards knowing that if I wasn’t the one organizing everything, we wouldn’t even be talking to each other. 

Occasionally, I revert back to stop making an effort. Then no one talks to me. No one asks how I am doing. I learned from my previous experience that isolation from society is not healthy so I keep doing everything to keep the friendship going even if no one appreciates it. 

Sometimes I just want to get rid of all my friends and just leave town, start fresh. It’s not like anyone cares. I honestly wonder if I killed myself, if anyone would notice I’m just gone.",4.303207547169812,6.058199484276731,5.36388176100629,79.26193584905663,71.45283018867924,8.735798742138366,28.7577358490566,9.281916038205594,2.597727396226416,1308,51,243,29,25,431,161,318,0.12300000000000001,0.625,0.252,0.9933,1,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,11,7,21,29,1,1,9,0,19,2,0,4,3,56,55,20,1,8,17,0,8,8,3,2,2,2,0,1,12,9,0,6,11,3,0,5,11,5,0,10,3,11,44,24,31,47,6,25,0,0,1,0,29,9,0,8,19,169,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428241192630707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443844439848596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981736319351163,0.0,0.0,0.057425662697129114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783738983755907,0.0660499467211028,0.0,0.0,0.09405906086572786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522860607757793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400692677439241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865319471073132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423829862654854,0.07305309042482812,0.0,0.0,0.3020907295319565,0.2667633170896747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352426589491353,0.0,0.0,0.17309682480780653,0.0,0.11705440981118274,0.0,0.08488672915016278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604083267780064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741101220372067,0.26552231460918696,0.0826243011031702,0.0,0.04104314154675361,0.0,0.0,0.07907719938797403,0.0,0.0,0.052749934851428634,0.2918858802764181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955196176257418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759917638076871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502567739565713,0.0,0.0,0.4554566329555351,0.1703965285980589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177492825036754,0.06520923118555262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146035719194696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710394545815924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612864821392303,0.0,0.057493666554658665,0.07386216907341768,0.0,0.05286013327255303,0.0,0.0,0.06243729439523805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474797488180348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601582130335611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671127807763655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709506827699585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070401199444533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404923628539835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098918172186156,0.05436920987112169,0.0,0.07610709247132245,0.053051778736224575,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xtrabaconplease,2019/01/17,"Whats your go-to grounding technique?   

Whats your go to relaxation method. When something boils your blood- how do you ground yourself?   
 Sometimes its not my surroundings that trigger me, its my conversations experiences and I find my normal techniques for grounding do not work. 

Ex: Today my husband texted me that he needed something expensive. Something that Ive also needed for a while, but never got because it was out of the budget. (Think Cosmetic Work). Admittedly, he does need it a bit more currently. Anyway- there wasn’t even a question of if we could afford it- it was a “This is what I need, its going got cost XYZ”. Where when it was me who needed it (since 2016 now) its been “Well that a lot of money, it will have to wait a bit” and two years later im still here… 

I want to calmly be able to explain my stance on why this is hurtful without blowing up on him and I really cannot bring myself down at all. ",2.566412166356301,4.973281100558658,3.5821880819366854,87.09222687771576,78.77653631284916,5.988950962135321,24.469584109248913,7.1686216300943375,1.1235211669770324,723,26,138,9,18,232,117,179,0.027000000000000003,0.917,0.055999999999999994,0.4606,2,0,4,0,0,0,24.0,1,4,0,2,11,4,0,0,7,0,15,2,1,2,2,29,30,10,0,9,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,21,5,1,1,5,1,4,3,6,1,1,1,7,0,20,3,16,20,5,24,0,1,0,0,15,11,0,3,10,102,41,2,0.13974220238975674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175178876362137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518554953656655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051245841930223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157277768172214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228934301736008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922984067383351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669468836349205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277218413407854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382561419352497,0.0,0.22352920988844316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495969178752094,0.0,0.15094555846326296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880382324332375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180853620249378,0.10777780131649392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691768826304526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654324818194873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952243315447497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155961938728811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32274112375782144,0.13820861136233228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159830334082144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954116074853127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245926823864354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650782639861828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242357156509741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256450223122288,0.0,0.12609560214759655,0.0,0.0,0.13470649639160426,0.0,0.20346797532268152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998939671092843
bpd,matiasgryn,2019/01/17,"Dating someone with BPD There's this girl I really really like and we started going out, she told me she has BPD. Yesterday was the first day we had a fight, where she extremely overreacted, which she recognized and then apologized for. After reading posts in this subreddit I realized that what happened is something people with BPD experience. I understand this and I'm not angry at her for what happened, and I'd like to ask you what tips can you give me on how to treat her, what to expect from a relationship with her, what to do the next time an outburst like this happens, just all in all advise on any kind of special care I should have in a relationship with someone with BPD. Thank you for your time and I'll make sure I read more posts so I can understand better.",4.761981818181823,6.2152492466666684,5.461515151515151,80.19409090909092,69.86666666666667,9.187878787878788,28.303030303030305,9.573946990214177,2.540866666666667,617,22,118,14,11,200,93,150,0.035,0.775,0.19,0.9716,0,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,2,4,0,2,5,11,1,0,6,0,9,0,0,2,3,25,23,8,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,21,10,22,19,3,21,0,0,0,0,22,8,0,0,13,85,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102651563091748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113897567967437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053790513587494,0.0,0.0,0.6002641999139391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214820103298074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684230057468225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655218134087833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134946673814936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430014336816614,0.06771605001108391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160935312142368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407704786790134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746329408395748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795339721010699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671804890030425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260404578718407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22822673841940386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383657517700597,0.0,0.15266189181179202,0.0,0.0,0.2558463758458926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019118877243148,0.09172797771130478,0.0,0.0,0.08433543061706951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229806060019423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969789358263912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389553834435264,0.0,0.0,0.11385353499457705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480800200357351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emptyteaspoon,2019/01/17,"People with BPD shouldn't have kids Let me preface this, as not being my opinion. 

I am part of several groups on Facebook for BPD support. This morning someone posted about their BPD daughter having lost custody of her children due to substance abuse issues. I in no way support children being in a home where substance abuse is an issue (having come from one myself) but the poster continued on to say that her daughter should be sterilized and that no one with BPD should have kids.

And idk that statement hit me pretty hard. I'm not at the point where I want kids myself and I'm not sure if I ever will,  but I just cant stand this demonization of this illness. I'm not going to respond to the original post, but seeing it has kind of ruined my day.",5.897074829931973,6.3071237414966,6.031700680272112,80.90972789115645,66.68707482993196,7.893877551020409,31.29931972789116,7.3871296695380915,2.008246258503401,598,22,110,5,9,190,93,147,0.161,0.7609999999999999,0.078,-0.9056,0,0,0,0,3,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,16,1,0,1,2,24,27,8,0,5,9,2,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,5,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,2,1,3,14,4,19,17,1,19,1,2,1,0,13,8,0,2,5,82,22,0,0.0,0.3005882290872268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6390423636048352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926830330306178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180645354348715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474126053579135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720906305244765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363087503515895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272388669821214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647926709800751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209265178563367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297106542631165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384695550646946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191094886110164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373640016235939,0.0,0.08794041802048562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199123424523215,0.0,0.2429706025751137,0.1290499988289728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087460538959707,0.0,0.0,0.10108141738594363,0.0,0.0,0.14330211210985522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747788223065737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28789117008356285,0.11955272042623225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481822540997099,0.1006860226242878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,radbeingsad,2019/01/17,"Im losing my mind I think Im going crazy , im losing my mind , everything is to loud , and im happy , then sad , then angry , it's so loud . I just want it to get quite",-2.9169230769230765,-1.351430384615382,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,96.43589743589745,4.1456410256410265,10.364102564102565,5.6839178017228535,-1.5090451282051287,121,1,33,1,5,46,24,39,0.316,0.565,0.11900000000000001,-0.8288,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,5,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843195308366653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921006843957614,0.0,0.10018579219004424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765672036375186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7616643279477159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944315681434681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559915130710992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749885833915986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295514210473942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397638539735424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AsherYeah,2019/01/17,"A romantic interest offhandedly mentioned they have BPD via text. We've yet to meet irl so what ways can i show that I support them/ask what they need from me? So for some context, I've met a wonderful person online. Not through any dating app, neither of us were looking to start a relationship, it just happened by chance. We text each other everyday and have spoken so much about our feelings for each other. We are quite intense but honest with each other. We haven't met in person yet but it's happening very soon.

Basically we were having our usual evening convo about anything and everything and they sort of slipped in they have BPD. We were talking about something else at the time so I wasn't able to bring it up again. Now I am somewhat familiar with BPD already. I have a range of my own mental problems and believe I have traits too. What I'm wanting advice on is HOW do I ask them what support / needs they want from me.

I've been trying to formulate a text in my mind that best asks them this without sounding patronising. So folks with BPD what do you need when starting a new relationship? What sort of words/questions would you like to receive in a text from a potential new partner? Should I not even bring it up at all and wait for them to want to talk about it?

(There's also a high chance I'm overthinking this so please be honest if I sound too much).
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks all!",2.7300770811921917,5.182747593525181,3.5202723535457348,87.50785971223024,78.46043165467627,6.273586844809866,25.39619732785201,7.447530270364453,1.3171075025693737,1133,43,220,16,28,359,154,278,0.012,0.804,0.184,0.9933,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,8,2,8,2,24,10,0,0,10,0,23,0,0,1,2,44,48,17,0,11,7,0,1,1,1,3,0,3,0,3,18,16,0,1,2,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,7,5,31,9,36,36,12,28,0,0,1,0,32,10,0,6,15,160,49,0,0.0991488625982904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377424205047267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094132353698669,0.07928930959835542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484925305241652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159106588779802,0.0,0.2780724072503438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170681551013001,0.10405061429819068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994980862882784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282615219670363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097377730195425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910860454777697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050132644019686576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931197104084864,0.0,0.0,0.17535402350304208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047562169853908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048439126063027964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326007330342647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991873343771623,0.0,0.10011208706069948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457716444481783,0.2205528759178683,0.0,0.1915171786661954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314592494183415,0.0,0.10883567728828483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487207116018576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545701984801403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289754600913585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632963840332238,0.0,0.0,0.14035615052693026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250259086187206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938420012868307,0.0,0.09128295161070632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781449911509505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731556940196802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192638738282812,0.0,0.10919846450621816,0.0818081953524901,0.1754417040567674,0.07869975213084529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955759654093392,0.10752271208053173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086501453997002,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Automatic_Breath,2019/01/17,"A day in the life of a person with bpd I wake up and I’m sad that I get to live another day, I want to fall back asleep. I go to the bathroom and I’m unable to recognize my face in the mirror. Sometimes, I’m unable to recognize my parents’ faces. Feeling as if they’re not quite “real.” 

I eat my breakfast normally but I count my calories. 100 calories in total for breakfast. Maybe I’ll restrict today. Maybe I won’t. It depends on how much of a fat cow I really feel that day. 

After I eat my breakfast, I study. I get bored easily and think about how much cooler it would be to be talking to my fp. 

I talk to my fp instead, my fp is tired of me already and won’t respond. I think. In reality, he is just taking a shit. “Why are you doing this to me?” I dramatically text him then I declare my love for him. He rejects me. 

That’s it. No more eating today for me. He rejected me because I’m not good enough. I go to the park and contemplate suicide. 

I return to my house and I cut. The cut is deep enough to remind me that this is my house and not some other clone’s house. It’s my house and this is me in the mirror. I am real. I am real. I am real. 

I think a bit about my fp before I fall asleep, wanting to hear from him the first thing in the morning. Of course, I never do. Because my fp always abandons me. Because I will never find love because I’m a person with bpd. 

And I want to kill myself. 



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bpd,ComicsCourtney,2019/01/17,"Had a complete meltdown over a self-soothing kit I've been trying to catch up on my homework for my dbt class and one of the assignments was to create a self-soothing kit. Now, mind you, the teachers of this class have been great - no pressure or anything. But I have all of this pressure I put on myself to get all of this done, while in the meantime I've got all these other projects I'm trying to work on. So I had been trying for a couple of weeks to figure out what to put in this self-soothing kit, because they say to put something in for each sense, and I'm just *not* able to come up with anything for smell. And even though I know that I could just move on to the next assignment, I felt paralyzed. I *couldn't* move past it. So yesterday I had a meltdown.

​

 I've done enough work on myself that it didn't turn out nearly as bad as it could have. I stayed in my room for the whole thing and didn't start screaming at anyone, even though I wanted to. I didn't destroy anything, even though I wanted to take a baseball bat to everything I own. But I did feel furiously angry, then started crying, and eventually hyperventilating. I went back and forth for a while between feeling better, then crying, then hyperventilating more. I actually can't ever remember hyperventilating before during an episode, though it might be that I was just so out of it that I don't remember. 

​

Luckily, something I *did* think of previously for my self-soothing kit was listening to rain sounds, so I went ahead and put on my headphones and did that for a while. I also took an Ativan, which always helps manage my anger (though I take this *very* sporadically as I'm worried I'll become addicted otherwise). Actually, taking the Ativan might be why I stopped being angry, but kept crying and hyperventilating. Ativan really *only* works for my anger. Anyway, eventually I got through it, and after I did it actually occurred to me what I could put in my kit for smell: tea bags! So I went ahead and did that. But the irony of a self-soothing kit sending me into one of my worse episodes in a loooong time is not lost on me.",4.548913043478265,5.872847514492757,5.439826086956527,80.64104347826088,70.23188405797102,7.838840579710146,28.29275362318841,8.238735603445708,1.8746788405797108,1677,60,324,24,30,549,181,414,0.102,0.8590000000000001,0.039,-0.9703,0,0,2,0,0,0,67.0,0,1,1,7,21,11,4,2,19,0,34,2,0,0,4,51,61,36,0,6,10,0,3,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,24,18,1,2,8,0,0,14,9,9,0,2,28,9,43,2,64,24,8,58,0,1,0,0,6,23,0,3,20,240,67,10,0.06841334728486251,0.0,0.20028467461810845,0.07458064672983161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471012910664296,0.05692538541999041,0.14825166640070786,0.16625941033024816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783620311113082,0.0,0.1688950668614207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260564115815152,0.057122287355435036,0.04170414151512021,0.0755571671124138,0.05821471965829664,0.0,0.0,0.060506046121764086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893204095415069,0.0717300930097771,0.0,0.0,0.16386747288668588,0.07569806752803844,0.2254465486473565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002121375851273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068927578574354,0.0,0.13555911198001988,0.06188378935720745,0.0,0.0,0.061485505221536035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918368795662494,0.0,0.0656875420389875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0357431502995619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943280700383412,0.07542595690189348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585602459357477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03759818650416168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468125012742785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515150039523111,0.069077978304656,0.0,0.0,0.14542512249150105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727583709699544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927173093431338,0.052031433433635234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530828111500285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438715495729964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043827342094559116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499797217746994,0.0,0.0,0.05440503967161856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568502080737419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533587422725536,0.0,0.0,0.0968466386595834,0.07291952552016162,0.0,0.057196621677053174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431496903628755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545078802158198,0.0438365105302505,0.33607883176920395,0.0,0.0398923729673685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600974608698317,0.1393445161090888,0.07441407645871591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056448176335350965,0.08070392951463977,0.0,0.054877060562422884,0.0,0.0,0.1902595750111932,0.06173240490912514,0.07638105906206707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941719486724064,0.06947707503068204,0.06971904559904714,0.0,0.0,0.16625941033024816,0.0
bpd,PM_ME_YOUR_RC51,2019/01/17,"BPD & Cannabis So now that it's legal up here in the great white north (Canada) I've been doing some experimenting with different strains to see what works for me. Keep in mind I am post DBT (I did 1 year of counselling 2x a week) . 

​

White Widow Hybrid (Sativa Dominant): Massive panic/anxiety attack after 1 hit. Felt like I was going to die. Extreme doom/dread feelings for multiple hours. Horrible dry mouth. Will not be doing this again. 

​

Mango Haze: Similar to White Widow but 20% of the effects. Slight paranoia, irritability, inability to sleep because I couldn't turn my brain off. Couldn't enjoy it. 

​

Kinky Kush/Pink Kush/All Kush. Very nice. Relaxing, no anxious feelings. Helps with sleep & 100% relaxed. 

​

Cannatonic: High CBD/low THC strain. Very good for daily use (in moderation) I really like this one. Function as a normal person, without the running away thoughts. Very lucid & found myself to be inquisitive/explorative of my hobbies while on this. 

​

Subway Scientist: Powerful relaxation feeling. Put me to sleep within an hour. Euphoric. Need to try more of this. 

​

Landrace strains: Amazing feeling. At complete ease, able to enjoy music & relax without paranoia. Similar to Subway Scientist. 

​

These are my own findings, and YMMV. If anyone has any suggestions for strains they enjoy (Indica only) I would love to hear them! Overall it has been a positive experience for me (except that 1 time lol). 

​

​

​",3.857619047619047,7.1205562741312765,4.127741312741314,76.45228120978123,90.50579150579149,6.173230373230374,29.718790218790218,7.447530270364453,2.844869755469756,1221,61,171,24,42,380,179,259,0.136,0.6409999999999999,0.223,0.9878,2,0,0,0,0,0,107.0,0,0,2,3,4,19,1,4,7,1,16,6,5,2,0,27,32,6,1,6,6,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,3,0,1,9,4,0,3,6,5,0,1,7,10,15,14,35,18,3,24,0,0,4,1,7,11,0,2,11,98,26,2,0.04105671053536384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6227890019645594,0.4988839718137612,0.027919971058642058,0.0,0.031408271182394816,0.04638239657692946,0.0,0.028707806622394774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670793537315397,0.03857413105223968,0.0,0.0,0.025027789667748046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051709489661003034,0.045832867226871014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304717985972264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042610383517071464,0.042895524034064186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032268213733322,0.0,0.0,0.08303802585120935,0.0,0.039420880665942605,0.0,0.037525089624297146,0.0,0.0,0.04501656394787259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023333474749512848,0.03443642087462557,0.0,0.04526516830815951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627389668418766,0.0,0.027519447633539487,0.04337866885043939,0.0,0.0,0.0808651792655852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649309076573008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040116469826049786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037055284219167185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145557368817617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030443030634282074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022685915961408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02782108961478277,0.03122547844837713,0.0,0.04817120365078596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035849136008330236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03932097956984477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041273334027582084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026301980086111447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03271688266645261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325908360209395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03259444208600912,0.023940498082490717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027874811420251742,0.04465791133125774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03545981570216054,0.0,0.10162825799472956,0.0,0.0,0.03293321668886611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791544076879173,0.0,0.029889774252807345,0.0,0.0,0.029165509189749837,0.0,0.4988839718137612,0.02643917548764376
bpd,nordic-nerd,2019/01/17,"Relationship patterns All of my relationships, intimate and platonic, start intense and passionate and end in a complete mess. 100-0. It is frustrating as hell, but the emotion is also incredibly addicting because I feel hallow almost all the time. Once the relationships end, I become super depressed and think about just ending it all even though I know that is irrational. Ahh, I'm fucked. Can anyone else relate? ",5.931006036217305,9.107913971830984,6.481207243460766,66.6611267605634,71.25352112676056,9.690945674044269,32.67806841046277,9.957137785484203,4.304406841046276,336,16,47,10,7,109,56,71,0.237,0.66,0.10300000000000001,-0.9091,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,3,13,10,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,2,4,10,3,6,1,1,0,2,3,1,2,1,5,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152238638649285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592297010000285,0.0,0.0,0.1404950874718841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284291136145573,0.18000986006254815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709583592255158,0.1940300813747743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842021917391412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131707845369527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467621241347878,0.1976217765197696,0.4668138148075946,0.0,0.0,0.1160381670099874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883152397746168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624177855946081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655178278577703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709860008852772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658592469896485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435062018693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125717391272232,0.17260944412989784,0.0,0.10244323164704316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sleepawayc4mp,2019/01/17,"This is where bpd has gotten my life, please read Basically at around New Years last year I had a suicidal episode (which I don’t remember the trigger of) but I remember being in the bathroom set on killing my self. My bf was trying to calm me down but I was very mentally distorted and didn’t know what to do and I was scared I was gonna hurt him if he touched me or something because it was a mixture of like just not wanting to exist and adrenaline and rage and self hatred and just everything was so painfully intense that I couldn’t think clearly anymore 

I was completely hysterical crying and screaming “don’t touch me please I’m begging you I can’t” .. and this is the one person in the world I love and trust more than anything. My “fp”. I’ve been on and off of different meds for years, therapy,  and misdiagnosed multiple times but have always been mentally unstable which he’s always been aware of (even before we met in person while we were LDR) so he’s used to these kinds of self-destructive episodes but I think this one was the most intense 

That day I think was the worst day of my life. He was trying to help me and within a split second he was on the floor bleeding and screaming. Because of me. During an episode. I cut his arm open with the blade I meant to use to kill my self with. The one person who was there for me

I was so in shock because it was almost like I didn’t see or feel it happen. Immediately my first thought is “oh god I fucked up I what have I done I have to call the cops I have to go to jail I’m a monster” and he’s just on the floor begging me not to. Begging. And bleeding. 

I dial 911 and he’s begging me to hang up but i wasn’t going to and at this point I’ve done something so unforgivable that I don’t care what happens to me. So the cops came and I got arrested went to jail and my dad bailed me out. The state of Texas put a protective order in between us for I think it was 6 months? I had to move back to South Carolina with my family (I’m not from Texas) and see a psychiatrist and stuff like that (all over again) and that’s when I was diagnosed with BPD. 

So once again we were in a long distance relationship. He didn’t leave me, he forgave me and I don’t know why. Even while I was in jail he reassured me on the phone that things would be okay.. ANYWAYS BACK TO SC -They gave me meds and stuff but as expected they made things worse, meds in combination with the way things were at my dads with my stepmom (not good) and just having to shift my entire personality all day every day to seem like someone I’m not in order to not feel normal. Wiiiild. Idk let’s fast forward bc sc was a roller coaster and I don’t wanna get caught up 

Our protective order was up finally and he bought me a ticket back to Texas!
I’ve been back ever since July of last year and so now I’m AWARE of my bpd, but still have episodes. Ive had 1 major suicide attempt since I’ve been back, still self-destructive. I’m learning how to cope. I think a lot of my self-hatred is currently derived from my BPD and the ways I’ve hurt him because of it. Physically, emotionally, and like I can’t forgive myself. Even if he can? He deserves better but when I say it it causes a fight and it’s like I love him so much and he loves me so much and I wanna be with him and he wants to be with me but in MY head I don’t deserve his love because of my toxic behavior but I can’t go back and change the things that I’ve already done and I think that’s me trying to push him away because I’m scared he’s gonna leave but I really don’t wanna lose him...at all 

so my case is still open (even tho he never pressed any charges against me) and we’ve been living together ever since i came back to TX. I was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon/bodily injury. Tomorrow my mental health specialist who works with my lawyer is coming over and I really want to take this opportunity to just really talk about it. I want to get rid of this shame. She might get it. I mean what else do you tell someone when they ask what happened to the door or why there’s holes in the walls or why you’re all bruised up? I hurt myself because I don’t want to break things. I break things because I don’t want to hurt myself. 

Otp she let me know that I can trust her and that if I needed any sources or anything like that would benefit my mental health that that’s what she’s here for. So tomorrow I’m gonna try to open up about everything and be as honest as possible and just see how it goes because she’s on my side right? This is my chance to take a step towards becoming a better person now that I’m more aware of my symptoms and behavior. Being extremely emotional I’m afraid I’ll break down tomorrow talking to her or maybe I’ll hear something I don’t want to and I’ll start splitting or something but idk wish me luck ",2.0672085548135044,3.728307253952572,3.556630775521331,90.28149538866931,77.2509881422925,6.866312298396259,23.588705647176408,7.712410955013289,0.9642588569351688,3799,121,844,56,87,1253,365,1012,0.133,0.74,0.126,-0.9572,2,0,4,0,1,5,71.0,5,2,3,7,52,47,7,4,34,1,83,16,2,7,8,155,156,87,5,20,34,2,5,7,1,6,9,4,1,8,51,65,0,2,19,3,1,14,25,21,0,5,51,12,124,26,115,90,12,116,0,5,3,5,72,49,1,16,52,544,175,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044431749620730536,0.0,0.048965165826731216,0.0,0.07384145426996233,0.0,0.0,0.06034842142270569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400470586428353,0.0,0.0,0.07302809495890411,0.039500132823530716,0.04148145784747025,0.0,0.041688580404790336,0.23883315958984366,0.0,0.24343664889160574,0.04900494795894651,0.03775696490916717,0.0,0.0,0.07848615173692798,0.0,0.0,0.2235379160716816,0.0,0.0453083663606056,0.10149858319109452,0.04523980512783707,0.04558185764843633,0.046939271115969884,0.03822220591960464,0.0465227801593556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874012091864438,0.11446404925751676,0.0,0.0,0.045036241693154,0.0,0.0463588797445088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136222662037651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0370667795664016,0.09982415927765448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722809773176268,0.08027330808844238,0.03738498814923883,0.0,0.07975666899019739,0.0,0.04182959709511287,0.0,0.04487123005655115,0.0,0.0,0.04860692077674073,0.0,0.037742461724137914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102083076127536,0.06954699152680592,0.0,0.07565221134087474,0.03721679429514135,0.035488023288681815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771298248587872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553806453393789,0.0943298753583365,0.05001001992628715,0.0,0.029741349294752736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000286926688348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818120612456364,0.04620619506659484,0.07315641560168387,0.07233755514052062,0.0,0.0939662388571297,0.0,0.0907459379772864,0.06268194898542633,0.15174406300226487,0.0,0.03918093721133102,0.03926747119639328,0.0,0.049640472466892585,0.0,0.037723149007216114,0.16018841160684216,0.04198548237270112,0.0,0.0,0.0445772378389843,0.048333682213327116,0.14786053982404393,0.0,0.17886455273663046,0.04707125739937011,0.0,0.0,0.03541698913343002,0.04715999045475437,0.06523646539755035,0.032900980417265316,0.034222114640243335,0.04285436940218952,0.0,0.0,0.04347474866605917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725430765975069,0.09020203693900768,0.0,0.047214512621016634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937178554847533,0.0,0.09741338821159028,0.04194550575936648,0.05002231394168345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044605715209823836,0.0,0.0,0.0443836092683674,0.0,0.08527675271337477,0.0,0.0,0.04763849459894715,0.10052874995959464,0.03789310539478998,0.0,0.035286078603839734,0.08884742794594325,0.0,0.1060752651916427,0.04039423969119951,0.27773554585139804,0.0,0.0,0.11011394230645144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519182822907604,0.1366377071029358,0.0,0.0,0.03140644805045924,0.0,0.1063056552630317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158973622820246,0.09707066087719668,0.0,0.0,0.04611908373126482,0.06672384470298888,0.07132842533245506,0.038782735628269546,0.0,0.05074279354770152,0.0,0.17687112316243475,0.1705891842694928,0.0,0.03522609538013114,0.02587343776820333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050161965673745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337357349317951,0.07664563466311633,0.0,0.03661121835835512,0.1832006421074741,0.07044022417548901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113291930000093,0.12011540687270933,0.0,0.051025152129891616,0.0,0.0,0.03230305448829657,0.0,0.04521845288674661,0.06304062550401597,0.0,0.0,0.11429542681444307
bpd,nomawbles,2019/01/17,"Who am I? I've recently began to suspect I may have BPD. The thing is, I'm a pretty private person irl. Online is a different story, though. I have a habit of unloading on forums and social media then nuking my account/posts. A have a lot of online relationships that are very unstable. In person I push everyone away. I'll have a friendly chat if I have to, but I don't consider anyone my friend. I think that's because I don't feel I can open up easily irl, and can't open up because I'm ashamed of my intense emotions. Looking at it from it a distance it seems like a really unnatural way of life, but it feels like I'd die if I tried any other way.

​

I told my closest friend that I think I may have BPD and they don't agree at all. That should be a relief, but honestly it scares me. Is the online me the real me? I hate that person.",1.5965449438202235,3.341359932584272,4.062233146067418,85.75323735955057,78.8876404494382,6.921910112359552,23.484550561797754,7.865858978985527,1.2487516853932583,660,22,138,11,16,231,100,178,0.129,0.695,0.17600000000000002,0.82,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,2,10,1,2,12,0,20,1,0,0,1,22,31,10,1,3,5,0,2,2,3,3,1,0,0,3,13,5,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,3,22,7,14,25,2,16,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,6,5,93,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019270715199473,0.16843622424789864,0.09426509513085453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692503321634306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023631455749352,0.0,0.0,0.16900067474926914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491694136662522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438637542769106,0.14482646293815976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592676078061007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245558227056092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017900287041551,0.09902883375460696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212881155166533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368567245025627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979100984715313,0.13544365201969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640433377111348,0.0,0.0,0.1178481937379298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631080643765415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275786969852546,0.14102449224354371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777780159300614,0.08880233613923112,0.0,0.13686869968854115,0.14882401625076733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387809498577036,0.0,0.0,0.1261927572407657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130374689795272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209173914715954,0.1776418261860107,0.13619162815604086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245558227056092,0.0,0.09411262442807346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437449066756722,0.0,0.22005726997998706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843622424789864,0.0
bpd,Dominace100,2019/01/17,I'm dealing with childhood trauma and there's no hope of getting past it. I saw this video and it brought back a lot tramatic childhood memories https://youtu.be/8bNKU8GRYmU,7.115747126436781,10.740451379310343,5.269655172413792,74.49919540229888,69.6896551724138,8.004597701149425,37.25287356321839,8.841846274778883,3.9529908045977016,146,8,21,3,3,42,25,29,0.16699999999999998,0.736,0.09699999999999999,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605764625109453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834438767217855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449953733149392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657510215082986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39866556859224256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476445578587747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,singtalk89,2019/01/17,"I broke up with my boyfriend. I haven't heard anything from him for about four days now. The last phone call I had with him, I spent the whole time shouting because all I ever asked of him was to see things from my point of view. To just talk to me and not to isolate himself every time he felt down. Because when he would isolate himself, it would hurt me, a lot. Always making me wonder where I stood with him. I just told him it was over.

​

I feel like I've gone through all the stages of grief about 10 times in the past four days. I was talking to his best friend about it and he explained to me that my ex is probably very emotionally unavailable. And after reading all the symptoms, I can finally understand why he was always distant, even though I would always say that I am there for him. 

​

I sent him a text apologising for yelling and lashing out at him the other night and if he wanted to talk, that I am still here.

​

But that boat has well and truly sailed. And I can't seem to accept it. I can't eat. I can't even stand up without the whole world spinning and feeling like I'm going to throw up. This is the worst pain I have ever been in my life. I spent two whole days bawling my fucking eyes out and now I'm just too fucking exhausted and at this point, dehydrated to cry. I can barely even keep water down sometimes. 

​

I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this. The only time I've left the house is to go buy more cigarettes. Even then, I don't think I was safe to drive in the state I was in. Everything is just a blur to me. The pain is like my body is slowly shutting down. Its fucking unbearable. ",2.7749285714285747,4.400022820588237,3.479243697478996,91.74588235294121,75.20588235294117,6.26890756302521,24.789915966386552,6.868970318607317,0.7663739495798327,1309,43,282,12,28,413,170,340,0.09,0.825,0.085,-0.7003,0,0,1,0,1,0,48.0,0,0,0,1,24,19,3,0,15,0,29,12,2,2,5,48,60,16,1,5,8,1,3,3,1,3,5,4,0,0,14,15,2,2,10,1,3,7,8,10,1,3,16,10,46,9,47,41,10,50,0,3,3,3,29,21,3,5,22,199,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733067360256586,0.32524545741936306,0.3647521763227677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175574572041189,0.0,0.07015706391853546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149362643051112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875523145497583,0.0,0.0,0.08335821900320246,0.0,0.0,0.07662946578429577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243354877401007,0.14519369683791866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678990052777894,0.0,0.08441566770396876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826639593664044,0.13576522858047513,0.06322875663685944,0.0,0.06744572171076668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589014269354451,0.10722450824335993,0.07205509110257838,0.08220826906219633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057979679393303125,0.20813403349702164,0.03920798177528797,0.0,0.12794962621941658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659200144945947,0.08033736117036458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670355748828037,0.0,0.0,0.041242839505870814,0.06117179509897081,0.0,0.0,0.08153675067011561,0.0,0.05300659294182837,0.10998977594609516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638006838100821,0.0,0.0,0.0500932053794815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704247685161918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707520117030882,0.15970661359179655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163906578664947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188380454109992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091134021764575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506543583462921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059678897524451976,0.0,0.0,0.059801250537771085,0.06831826563031354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742215500531394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993113580702456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780006217982032,0.0,0.18095529261501286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985664815461175,0.04808588754929493,0.07373145680014964,0.0,0.17503766950242725,0.0,0.0,0.07170883536931523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733081851399866,0.07812462439574794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192008959635014,0.044263560585521534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674745822315419,0.0,0.06771655509758866,0.2513556147052399,0.0,0.07234082497364135,0.08138323962510476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992971640048428,0.0,0.3647521763227677,0.0
bpd,squidkiosk,2019/01/17,"I can’t get out of bed today I was doing so well, 

But today everything hurt in a way I can’t describe and I couldn’t get out of bed. Work has been very difficult lately and I don’t know if I can keep up. I have so much to live for right now but I literally can’t live. And part of me doesn’t want to. It’s irrational thinking I know but it keeps gnawing at me from the inside. 

How do we cope with this? Is this normal? How can I live a normal life when high functioning me fucks up and suddenly everyone hates me and wants me punished severely for every little mistake?  One of my first employers told me “when your on your on but when your off you are terrible”
I feel like no matter how much good I do the awful is always so much worse and negates everything I’ve ever done. ",0.2391961722488034,2.4229004666666683,2.5289633173843704,92.39870813397131,86.75757575757574,6.140350877192982,18.98724082934609,7.475848149327749,0.5080303030303033,607,17,136,11,19,206,99,165,0.23399999999999999,0.7020000000000001,0.064,-0.9865,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,4,0,2,12,10,3,0,4,1,19,2,0,3,1,32,32,20,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,8,7,1,2,4,1,24,3,19,27,4,23,0,1,0,1,6,12,1,1,11,101,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591765759996055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256320790311566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260144986770309,0.11737526836398965,0.13311733842692547,0.2504069384527253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043967285324983,0.09952358783949601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849760539989612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879049205253068,0.14556817586389356,0.0,0.0,0.11684720082300085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754046903357434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471893972098764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491349795344429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476514920571939,0.0,0.0,0.15312302858957458,0.0,0.1571485311107897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839926328680837,0.06806016837725824,0.13962591391552648,0.3690416860565121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30722816880088405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729898038948338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440053184297632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508599061927559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897057174669655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738143134003826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892646677845453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26410049803828195,0.13311733842692547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494591258903612,0.16433811382090666,0.11057834475180853,0.0,0.0,0.12525704471244362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141984462866784,0.0,0.14196949913154835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fromundarcheese,2019/01/17,"Struggles of Looking for and/or Maintaining a Job Okay, so I do not have BPD. However my girlfriend of a few months does. Just a little background, I met my gf a little over a year ago who was just about to start the DPT program(Dialectical behavior therapy). She has now just finished!! Let me state that from an outside prospective it’s an amazing thing to see the growth and confidence she has obtained as a result. Meeting her at this time allowed me to see it every step of the way. Now that she is done with the DBT program she is looking for work. She currently works at a small office where she is very comfortable, however she is lucky if they need her more than just one day a week.

I am posting this in hopes to better understand the experiences and day to day work life impacts BPD has or doesn’t have on people. Types of jobs or settings you may feel comfortable; those you may want to stay away from; feelings or concerns that you’ve had to overcome. As an example my girlfriend says that the hardest thing for her when working is the feeling of being stuck somewhere, it is very anxiety provoking for her. Along with past traumatic retail experience that has made that field an absolute no as an option.

I appreciate any input or experience you all may be able to give to help me understand.",6.090604838709678,6.971487979838713,6.251774193548387,77.84766129032263,66.37903225806451,9.587096774193547,33.645161290322584,9.673873057562805,3.176922580645161,1041,45,192,21,16,332,150,248,0.055,0.809,0.136,0.9666,6,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,1,6,10,8,0,1,20,1,24,1,0,4,1,33,41,12,0,4,10,0,3,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,15,5,0,0,5,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,6,8,25,7,34,29,3,32,0,0,4,0,24,10,0,11,15,140,40,8,0.11590266411151473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274071856827273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881778606753465,0.0,0.0886652208057665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889436821516332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250648767654046,0.0,0.0,0.29195069616669994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424288989127497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142720241825698,0.1186086659315556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765299335486463,0.0,0.0,0.3401251364358773,0.0,0.0,0.17581160838055016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111843965809523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768711263064369,0.0,0.0,0.11511749732157214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300310201124413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851832669976828,0.08186547931095743,0.0,0.23232983632424126,0.0,0.0,0.1946580940436028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966990319149388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251240071789542,0.0,0.0,0.08594035684136378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853864478648599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064220755424728,0.08035231378853494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111002713763295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921704504937806,0.0,0.0,0.1847188346567371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203650220586843,0.12353681860271085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116662969570186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325447974288539,0.0,0.15400115991210006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758377550795898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413175217341488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126367240187245,0.0683623942274516,0.0919981399467724,0.09297012600933044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33751407946900003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746375156697052
bpd,00WELVAERT,2019/04/25,"[pseudo-xpost] Anyone with previously misdiagnosed or current duo-diagnosed with Bipolar disoder? Differences in treatment for personality disorders compared to bipolar spectrum illnesses? This is a copy and pasted post from /r/BipolarReddit ([https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/bgwzz9/anyone\_with\_previously\_misdiagnosed\_or\_current/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/bgwzz9/anyone_with_previously_misdiagnosed_or_current/)) . I asked the mods if this post was okay and we agreed that it was under the condition that i highly reiterate that I AM NOT ASKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS. Only a doctor can decide this. I am fully aware of the dangers of self-diagnosis. I have no intentions of seeking a diagnosis from this post nor diagnosing myself. this is elaborated upon in the first paragraph of the post. Thank you. Here is the post:

​

""I've always been in denial for all of my diagnoses. Its part of me trying to comprehend the profound impact that my psychiatric situations have placed upon my life. I'm not trying to diagnosing myself, never have and never will, but I'm trying to better identify the past and current symptoms/occurrences that could be valuable data to provide to my psychologist and psychiatrist. I am mostly wondering about my behavioral symptoms that I have previously disregarded, and am wondering if I should present them to my psychologist when I go home in 2 months. To reiterate, I am not asking for a diagnosis, just asking if any of you have experienced similar symptoms to me and if your doctors considered them to be medically relavent. Thanks!

I'm currently diagnosed Bipolar NOS. Been a psychiatric patient for 4-5 years, since age 14-15. Multiple suicide attempts, self harm, grandiose and reoccurring suicidal ideations. Rapid cycling and increased self harm from antidepressants. Negative physical side effects from antipsychotics. My docs and I only have only identified really minor manic episodes that don't usually last more than a month and aren't too dangerous. Other times it can be very short, a week or so. But theres always a depression crash when it ends.

Thats an incredibly short summary of why me and my doctors treat me for bipolar disorder using lamictal.

Sometimes I wonder if i have a personality disorder. Sometimes my mood is just so fucking irregular. I cant ever tell how my day is going to go because I always wake up feeling completely different and never well rested. I cut people in and out of my life over periods of many months. I more often than not create delusions that these people are out to get me and that they're enemies and that I need to stay away from them. It feels like I cant remember these people sometimes. Especially when I start hanging out with them again. It feels like my ego and values are constantly changing and that I have multiple people that take turns in my head. All of my romantic relationships have revolved around codependency and me using the SO as a bracer for my instability. I cant deal with being criticized. I don't know who I am and often look at other people and am amazed at their ability to constantly flow through life with a stable set of values. They wake up and are able to go through life with the same brain that they had yesterday and the day before and the day before. Their identity is constant and doesn't seem to change drastically. Sometimes I talk in multiple voices/accents. Sometimes when I respond to something I will say 2 similar things but in 2 different voices.

2 months ago I experienced a lot of motivation, hard work, social prowess, etc. Life for me was really good, I was actually dating again and shit. Recently it ended and now Im just stuck in depression. People are wondering why I haven't seem them for a few weeks.

I feel like im always changing. But thats just life at my age, and life in general, I shouldn't fucking align simple issues with a desire for psychiatric treatment. It does not even matter if the treatment for bipolar illnesses and BPD is similar. I always think about how I feel and if this emptiness can be fixed or if the life that normal people get to the experience is out of my reach forever. oof.

Those of you who have personality disorders, or have been treated for them, or something similar:

What medications did your doctor prescribe to treat your personality disorder? What was different about it compared to medication that you received to treat bipolar disorder?

What were areas of behavioral interest for you and your therapist/psychologist to discuss and work on?

What was the main reason for you to have changed diagnoses, or maintain your current one?

thanks for taking the time to read my post.""

​

Do any of you have similar experiences to this? Its so difficult to be psychotically suicidal for a few hours and then be fine for the next few. Its so difficult and I feel like im just a pussy and faking but it feels so real and so out of control. i dont want to believe that this is true. what do I do?

​

thanks.",7.303314621524428,9.454540120866591,7.553641961231474,64.93802719059735,64.55302166476625,10.596466976581002,34.47292342776949,10.694653088734594,4.298177244101394,4094,184,622,114,65,1329,359,877,0.12300000000000001,0.77,0.107,-0.9742,10,0,2,0,0,1,138.0,1,12,10,8,33,35,6,0,36,1,72,37,5,9,7,128,116,71,3,15,29,0,8,4,0,4,30,2,1,6,51,50,0,2,20,1,0,8,21,13,1,2,13,13,87,21,109,91,15,98,0,2,1,2,44,33,3,24,53,467,138,8,0.04163122226813359,0.0,0.04062606755768849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036903566656485386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320255967384618,0.13532223580254538,0.15175947546040242,0.056621317475544525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029109518584010518,0.0,0.0,0.03706061415031185,0.15567829207518155,0.0,0.039113903736946634,0.0,0.0,0.02537800668761937,0.0,0.07085020773155125,0.046904131257757865,0.0,0.036819432970771435,0.0,0.0,0.05243306707668989,0.0464742123230797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616125222642673,0.0,0.04364954448098859,0.1349656845275625,0.046692955748393335,0.033239143417717484,0.0,0.0,0.08054608289357526,0.04291996213761032,0.07171382147343178,0.25352888563086784,0.0,0.17398306606487776,0.2862779248753923,0.1704452802294687,0.03643176315469983,0.0,0.04879148244508786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374581225627665,0.0,0.04642981754558139,0.027497029674693932,0.037657823973982166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814466475669476,0.0,0.0,0.1473499779992578,0.11896541402666465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035411496393954675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697478830062228,0.043501190739533256,0.0,0.09463993202749588,0.034918294058548294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037293397946842326,0.0,0.042725644655020184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398567203899355,0.04175951033732134,0.0,0.04099836796299505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349065920095792,0.04345217991682173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02287943100804589,0.033935002593747134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524290775595144,0.08135564930379062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034959741613978024,0.0,0.0,0.0353933764257705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220752510117436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581722982528196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329185777175838,0.0,0.0,0.030869023804519106,0.09632569528988463,0.0,0.04427527717807935,0.0,0.040789758677337695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02821039363338805,0.0949872615289161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04508255678339471,0.07948342465184494,0.20203293362692284,0.14540310997373684,0.04349576651621944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922721800076235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041642488268122765,0.04738544517559694,0.05334005402667485,0.04280383016191889,0.04110580956170514,0.04469635266597277,0.04716005930803219,0.0,0.0,0.03310681890252915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579900238709854,0.13029133277361046,0.0,0.04273385140149976,0.03443777726538056,0.04679523810921836,0.0,0.042437788358918094,0.0,0.06409949763901318,0.20587171665390566,0.0,0.029466793396110018,0.044373343727451116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661340042162404,0.0,0.0,0.08654156049379852,0.0626029961521979,0.03346159949645404,0.03638752323274785,0.15331374453355046,0.0,0.04833705777947908,0.027657934211427992,0.02667560623434134,0.0,0.0,0.048551000987939436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479460152458546,0.045282815121314164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719120187581592,0.04585090971356892,0.03435011834551426,0.02455517352152101,0.0,0.06678811069376098,0.0,0.03743146852785268,0.0,0.07513140554918762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058913872298246,0.06061605127333085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175947546040242,0.026809142207440427
bpd,BostonRob4Real,2019/04/25,"Music for healing Anyone else out there ever listen music as a means of distraction, healing, or even just comfort? And if so, any specific genres/artists? Love y'all thanks",3.5640322580645147,6.745975645161291,4.180887096774196,78.89133064516129,82.87096774193549,5.680645161290323,27.10483870967742,7.1686216300943375,2.069832258064516,139,6,20,2,4,44,29,31,0.071,0.6559999999999999,0.272,0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,14,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26073751517250665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268094911311133,0.3928572429108084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202966961437145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532440964518701,0.3468237013036876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34604988346956284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176548086044525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529999527893005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nodaga,2019/04/25,"Is Anyone Else Severely Exhausted of Constantly Getting So Happy/Excited and then Let Down? This is about ANYTHING. Not just romantic interests or FPs. This is seriously about just my INTERESTS. I cannot be interested in anything for more than a few days max!! I am just on this sickening rollercoaster of emotions all the time. And at this point, I am just so sick of it becuase I know the ride. 

For example, let's say I suddenly want to do art, so I buy all these art supplies and have all these ideas and talk about it etc. But literally I am a completelyyyyy different human being in a few days. I dont even remember who bought that art stuff!! I have no memories of preivious me, even just a few days ago. 

I fucking cant stand looking at myself in pictures. I dont know who the fuck that is! I dont know who I am even right now! It's like...nothing ""sticks"" to me. I am nobody. I am nothing. There is no ""person"" in my body. It's nauseating.

I am 26. I have nothing I can call a hobby. I have no best friends. I have nothing consistent in my life. I have been changing relationships like clothes. I have been changing my looks as often as I can. 

My BODY is the most important thing to me! People call it vain or whatever, but it's the only thing I can consistently see as a part of me. I HAVE to make it look the best I can. I am nothing else. If my weight goes up I am HORRIFIED (which it constantly does). It triggers hardcore suicidal ideation in me. Like I dont deserve to live. 

The worst part of all of this though, is just the constant feeling that everyone hates me. At all times. I am sure deep in their heart they'd rather not be around me. They are just waiting for their chance to leave. When it's convenient. They can't love me. There is no ME to love. How could they when they see a constantly changing storm? I see them realizing it sometimes. They will be SO SURPRISED at some of my actions. They think ""oh she's capable of that??? I thought she was this other type of girl for some reason!"" Well guess what I am literally capable of anything depending on the moment. So they are right not to trust me.",0.7765439808663288,3.2232078661971815,2.696360173620338,90.04712064841883,87.70892018779344,6.595376029763488,23.765435379573034,7.837336299996399,1.4650596687040482,1645,67,349,36,53,547,191,426,0.146,0.759,0.095,-0.9707,1,0,0,0,0,0,68.0,0,0,11,2,29,22,3,1,16,0,53,11,3,5,6,49,76,22,1,4,16,0,2,2,1,1,3,1,0,3,32,5,1,1,10,3,2,2,14,8,1,0,5,9,64,14,46,62,18,39,0,0,6,4,27,20,2,9,18,270,96,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644293182531726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241015798686538,0.07680007825044012,0.18504430873924346,0.06672568758230896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732093366839872,0.0,0.0,0.16651583139611373,0.0,0.0,0.15307451811106768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378768056668181,0.0,0.0,0.3239981601885328,0.0,0.05984533041462066,0.0,0.0,0.14501898811869093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831184113525794,0.0,0.0,0.06559347442202926,0.0,0.3513859971239845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252302803172676,0.08431409199160313,0.0,0.0,0.08359444577698674,0.14852086941195505,0.0,0.0,0.07162254953833548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037899412788857036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790991358563625,0.13858905993921514,0.03916080358209746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257119267753593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400237394538026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882183116285333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461487641153448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357963842520535,0.0,0.0,0.0793663394155774,0.0,0.1532927783784289,0.052942811151260497,0.10985742741236278,0.0,0.0661864856815854,0.0,0.18882953105672548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529931601669307,0.0,0.050032929210856704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596058913578876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700652370349525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623375471944351,0.0,0.05196423950948315,0.06544766399615938,0.0,0.0,0.07085653927508123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706604610291867,0.0,0.08047343338570404,0.08490920768306909,0.12802202581911512,0.0,0.05960708708103405,0.0,0.0,0.17918787860813734,0.0,0.0,0.08467761972835572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413224072200947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580534439486859,0.08198841533061371,0.0,0.07064403761182743,0.0,0.0,0.060245850890356924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995933132612844,0.048028026746728264,0.07364273718859016,0.059505760286432126,0.08741352505898399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044210299113799485,0.0,0.0,0.09127478662004936,0.06739339139406872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,newts-bay,2019/04/25,"Feeling like crying and feeling overwhelmed over the most random things For the past few weeks I feel that I've gotten more sensitive with my emotions. I'm on medication (quetiapine) on a moderate dose which is supposed to stop my emotions from going all over the place so much. But I feel overwhelmed by even the smallest things.

I was watching a YouTube video earlier about someone attending a comicon and she was doing a dance on stage. I felt like crying and it made me feel strangely happy, almost proud. I don't even know what song or anime she was dancing to. 

I'll be watching TV or listening to a song and I'll feel like crying. It's hard to tell if it's happy or sad tears. I don't know why I'm like this, and it's annoying me as it does happen in public (especially if I'm listening to music). 

I hope I'm not the only one like this. I don't really end up actually crying but it's the feeling in the chest and the mental note of 'wow this is overwhelming'.",3.4867517006802733,4.884281790816328,5.03865306122449,82.21110884353743,72.92857142857143,7.879727891156462,27.352380952380948,8.447377352677275,1.9267874829931968,765,28,151,13,15,258,109,196,0.094,0.754,0.152,0.8403,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,15,1,3,13,0,10,3,1,1,1,32,31,15,0,3,8,0,9,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,14,7,0,1,10,6,0,4,4,5,0,1,6,15,14,10,20,24,5,18,0,4,2,0,6,9,0,9,9,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.11498108902724098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179856263402622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177049063855274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311024557721776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26507657377437555,0.10435878137090852,0.0,0.0,0.15564580118522106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41703423336350703,0.1683497035731902,0.11313134867008807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696317847237812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419306078444998,0.25085573877426104,0.10554886966023104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170277118569667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129508074582566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878189336866371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114897224895672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869720578755005,0.11874080170621935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661559915889115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984188421013544,0.0896119120135645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247816088902024,0.0,0.0,0.12310299526302634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754822933828142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998335089773028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850773447813364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298503645139488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655659467203015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451283576408118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631955477755828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,obsobsobsobs,2019/04/25,"Need to let out my guilty conscience I cheated on my boyfriend by meeting up with an ex for lunch. 

I’ve cheated in every relationship I’ve ever been in because I’m so afraid of the person leaving me and I want to have something so I can hurt them back when they do. I made it almost three years without cheating this time. I’m such an idiot. This guy has been trying to support me through everything and help me with my BPD but I keep falling back into the trap of my ex. Now my ex is basically ghosting me and I’m upset about that. I feel so guilty and awful. 

I wish I could stop ruining every relationship I get.",1.0927221597300338,3.392155173228353,2.9998256467941498,89.71253937007873,83.88188976377954,5.203374578177729,24.032058492688407,6.5431188927421005,0.7691444319460068,485,19,100,5,14,162,83,127,0.233,0.6920000000000001,0.075,-0.9681,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,10,9,4,2,4,1,9,1,0,1,1,20,20,9,1,4,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,3,1,20,1,18,15,0,15,0,2,0,0,11,6,0,1,8,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837347963585192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28217892652682003,0.0,0.1118514062881609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23109428414605654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649869790204265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597365668190106,0.30918985829273826,0.0,0.16490545004681276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277607102095857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958638993857628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168005868055015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229868461796832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964256347672451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309085125517125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428525669553448,0.0,0.18762693993531507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736189576060094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605259726574956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021296047227315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939907466475348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125654235850532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340257195297555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821781982382548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699220399859416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245749983823075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822483908367117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099992720912245,0.1768740254599676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815901438564855
bpd,EmbarrassedType,2019/04/25,"FP's suck In March I attempted to kill myself. The only person who knows is my FP. She's the only person that actually knows I'm struggling. A few days ago I was really depressed and while we texted she made me promise not to commit suicide.

I still want to die but well, FP, I don't want to hurt her. So I intend to keep the promise.

Jesus FP's are painful. Failed my drivers license test today. Spent 20 minutes sitting alone in a bathroom in my school until she finally texted me and told me to meet her. I meet her and we have a minute or 2 alone where she asks me about what went wrong with the test, the second her other friends show up, while I'm in the fucking middle of a sentence she shuts me up and now all her attention is on her other friend. 

We get lunch, of course all of her attention is on her better friend. Those 2 are always all ""I love you above anything in this world"" and hugging eachother and completely forgetting everyone else. Why can't I be her best friend? Why am I ""one of her best friends""? I litterally live for her. And I get fucking shoved away everytime that fucking girl shows up. I fucking needed comforting today!

I am always there for her. I always tell her how much she means to me. She knows I care for her much more than anyone in my family any other friend. 

Went home and tried burning myself for the first time after school...

Fuck FP's, fuck neurotypicals, fuck FP's who give you enough attention to keep you in but always knowing you're second priority.",2.4943480345158235,4.642621459731546,3.6076941514860965,88.15330536912752,77.69127516778524,6.404793863854266,23.058964525407475,7.447530270364453,0.964116586768936,1177,37,236,16,28,380,154,298,0.154,0.6709999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.8215,0,2,0,0,0,4,35.0,3,3,0,6,8,31,9,1,11,0,12,11,0,3,4,37,43,16,3,3,4,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,3,10,12,1,2,8,2,1,2,3,15,1,4,6,0,54,16,34,36,10,34,1,3,0,9,45,17,8,1,14,156,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.07988340627019339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725638188794199,0.0,0.0,0.16956423624729214,0.0,0.0,0.27245581515988593,0.0,0.0,0.05566750585728947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057238311241280364,0.0,0.06736368256257234,0.0,0.07652791053202747,0.0,0.0769100247912235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181372680344406,0.07239838604772007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346157389260153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582849645322851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052792831877574914,0.0,0.07050576982150103,0.0,0.08495760146154295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683834015862815,0.0,0.0,0.08458310872719772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822059577451884,0.0,0.0,0.07717018229822838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967346562692262,0.0,0.06962994754677948,0.0,0.0,0.3794683074911921,0.529746793035587,0.0855367871416258,0.07852742834727729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211210512028164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763266369247995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455215938215002,0.09056579672121352,0.0,0.17995213342776026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722837482832727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388171166013889,0.07745777042062271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891693759102182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203528189806353,0.06069804236501827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547035367028851,0.12451621104984358,0.08710465314311024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295372903725004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052441516770437936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569307924993895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537338284920784,0.0,0.0,0.08557769007256873,0.0,0.08954139073667976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154911800016421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047733137489086565,0.0,0.15518713448617955,0.07822059577451884,0.0,0.0555774654905095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965661222154658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360183713214266,0.15176980421885286,0.1477315663056486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950089662787318,0.0,0.0
bpd,glitterqueenbee,2019/04/25,"Can't stop holding a grudge against the people who didn't remember my birthday I've recently realized my cyclothymia plus my identity dysregulation means I'm very likely BPD. I can't afford to see my psych right now to confirm it, but I'm not here asking for a diagnosis. I'm just gonna operate as though that is the case, and see if that helps me deal with my stuff any better. I hope I'm still welcome here. 

My birthday just came and went without a ton of excitement. The closest people in my life all remembered and celebrated with me, and a handful of more distant relatives too, which was nice. I took it off of my social media because I don't like it when distant fb friends feel obligated to wish me well, so I understand why some of my acquaintances wouldn't have any idea. 

But two particular close friends of mine didn't say a word, even though one of them reminded me of the others' birthday a few months ago, so I know they keep track of that stuff for each other. I know it's not that big of a deal. Remembering one date doesn't define their friendship with me. But it still feels like a betrayal.",4.776666666666667,5.710413574660635,5.586769230769232,81.24989743589747,69.36199095022624,9.151251885369533,30.570437405731525,9.3871,2.5847481749622934,884,35,178,18,15,289,134,221,0.073,0.7559999999999999,0.171,0.9742,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,15,11,0,0,12,0,10,2,1,0,1,40,30,15,0,4,9,0,3,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,15,11,0,3,11,0,0,3,10,0,1,3,6,6,25,11,23,22,6,18,0,0,2,0,13,6,0,3,12,119,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780681073855622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540850139700508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369619314899825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413706077141971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756103004161352,0.0,0.0,0.15317331767403414,0.0,0.0,0.13909832389784388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507651511381597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032738682430954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229871924487799,0.08688375566642363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792316721442395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151782433399335,0.0,0.0,0.1207938821081542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729165339884614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809945759302447,0.0,0.0,0.1336758862063425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590222413358731,0.1782488905878849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247739963082988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707413977775628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648226902079324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862889038972978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008287093017594,0.0,0.4133076595738715,0.10386090686164567,0.0,0.09671532816336546,0.0,0.0,0.19382722571141456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397399580261892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942482085700302,0.10167789728159732,0.0,0.0,0.27844648841969016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389776733884113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351218118907395,0.0,0.0,0.11880288472101198,0.1266083825187723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034739302552136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934897650439614,0.1127408866561875,0.10974111654245153,0.0,0.13985442781083385,0.11723518558746288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,agoldedepartures,2019/04/25,"Getting back together after breakup? My partner and I broke up because of the toxicity my BPD was creating for us (I was manipulative, lying, threatening and way way too dependent on them). They ended up blocking me- on every social media account and iMessage. The only contact we have currently is through email, because we are planning on setting up a time to talk with my therapist. I thought there was a potential to save the relationship since they were willing to have a mediated conversation, but my therapist let me know they are planning on breaking things off with me completely and wants only a distant friendship. I’m really sad obviously because they were my best best friend and I love them so much, but I know the relationship was far too toxic for them to continue healthily in. 

I’m going into a really intensive DBT program now and was interested in whether anyone (after a lot of hard work and effort) was able to get their old partners/exes back? I’m willing to put in all the work I can, for myself but also for the relationship.",7.159956822107084,8.011564818652854,8.107370466321246,65.58295552677029,64.02590673575129,10.992918825561313,38.88126079447323,10.864195022040775,4.706361312607943,842,44,134,22,12,285,113,193,0.068,0.7759999999999999,0.157,0.9746,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,8,7,8,8,0,0,12,0,17,1,0,2,2,27,28,13,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,12,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,9,1,26,6,29,16,5,29,0,2,0,1,22,13,0,2,10,109,27,3,0.13408831929670134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723038049679663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375767056096704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621128152233173,0.0,0.2452169846414567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814348370199917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887954417005285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058905164555868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876245137514592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112975192189261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359630286817398,0.0,0.14011122508248058,0.0,0.07620548192284618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011679645982508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473828671459396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711439124245686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399709402238074,0.12101994332278468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857034308283423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407031350187493,0.0,0.0,0.20396041815244048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479579633548427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180082173822586,0.0,0.0,0.4318820213160377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091924335268988,0.0,0.0,0.13668615538276285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777511187542713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113737471195543,0.08908232119016718,0.0,0.0,0.10645114771097186,0.0781879772916063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129173825463342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908876482975354,0.2128661331204013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523578686434756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pimptier,2019/04/25,"Seeking advice about romantic relationships Hi! was diagnosed with BPD when I was 17, I’m 20 almost 21 and doing well for the most part because I keep up with my therapy (DBT) and my medications. I’m doing well and you wouldn’t assume I have BPD at all, I’ve worked really hard to where  I am now and I’m proud of that. There is one thing, I usually don’t date, because I find I get too attached to quickly, and end up stressing myself out with the constant polarizing of someone, and I usually take other peoples problems and have it become like they’re mine as well. It takes a toll on me emotionally. I feel like if I were to going to date someone it would have to be someone who is for the most part well adjusted (which is rare for people in my age range.) I was wondering if there were any things I could know and how to like, have my emotions not go from 0-100 in like a minute, is there anyway to not get attached to quickly? Or are romantic relationships just out of the question for me?",3.513778877887788,4.735604074257432,4.966950495049506,83.43762046204623,72.61386138613861,8.158943894389441,27.823102310231015,8.648137234880735,1.9734583498349831,781,29,161,14,15,262,116,202,0.034,0.828,0.13699999999999998,0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,17,11,0,1,6,0,22,2,0,1,1,36,35,14,0,6,6,0,2,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,9,13,0,1,7,0,0,2,4,2,4,1,5,3,21,9,29,26,5,22,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,9,15,122,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047841746155368,0.0,0.0,0.11321069050828995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688293302276511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783752659999446,0.1248630550026027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28478376441709824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217492335092113,0.0,0.09026716265379096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147509171595024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543487955729746,0.10013533059977958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057165236368368864,0.08076825448814427,0.0,0.0,0.10333244780943604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813568751672365,0.0,0.1285062919719537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127725543570393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049064331916158,0.0,0.0,0.06213340982573635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209366088716836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389347198835464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766106442224128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448603704899509,0.0,0.15675958098936665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818069700251644,0.0,0.0,0.12665020213355888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242748816176459,0.0,0.0,0.2427627502566745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873795945598799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950691034717018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700102426006846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929103051063776,0.0,0.1502206729430972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24903358506723045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066088485508822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260596605752483,0.08230715952812036,0.0,0.0,0.08031275838003812,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MrsNiel29,2019/04/25,New and confused!! I'm finding it difficult to use Reddit. I'm posting to see if it works because my first try didn't!,0.2578666666666685,2.521768120000001,2.764,90.08866666666668,87.8,4.933333333333334,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.401133333333334,93,5,19,1,3,32,21,25,0.221,0.779,0.0,-0.6884,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457628238631158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684812807767845,0.34292801078197005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893748044264395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38611619741242814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212666231755613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27371943188898074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34820112188567703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935055561245631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tigerroll11,2019/04/25,I am new hi I am brand new to reddit and been diagnosed with bpd for several years. I hope to be posting more here. so hi,-2.506666666666668,-1.027109814814816,0.938222222222226,97.95400000000002,110.11111111111113,5.122962962962963,16.511111111111113,6.742157984588678,0.1167688888888887,93,3,23,2,5,33,21,27,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39943296961480995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218954542641138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31499650052915484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6126011490881962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037372006707542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582835283046064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423095351414827
bpd,alouette259,2019/04/25,"How to learn to trust my boyfriend? I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now. He's the first happy relationship I've ever had. We got together about three months after I finally escaped my controlling and abusive ex boyfriend. I'd had another two boyfriends in the past who were abusive and cheated on me. Because of this, I really struggle to trust my boyfriend. He's never done anything to show me I shouldn't, but I still find myself constantly thinking there's someone else. All it takes is him holding his phone at a weird angle or telling me what he did during the day but without details for my mind to start imagining what he got up to. I hate that I do this, but I ended up checking his phone a few times and never found anything. Yet I still can't fully trust him even though I know I can. I once convinced myself that he had his ""girlfriends"" saved in his phone under fake male names of his friends so I wouldn't get suspicious. It's making me crazy 

I've been denied mental health help and can't afford private therapy so what can I do myself to help this? I love him so much and he loves me, but we fight badly when I accuse him of this and I want to learn to trust, since my issue is obviously my own trust issue, nothing to do with him",4.5346461397058855,5.2485199921875,4.9868474264705895,86.13076286764708,69.78125,7.742279411764708,28.730698529411764,7.724431198458867,1.6161946691176472,1002,35,206,11,17,319,140,256,0.128,0.682,0.191,0.9695,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,2,0,0,2,14,18,3,1,6,0,19,3,0,3,5,39,32,18,0,3,6,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,12,11,0,2,7,1,1,0,7,7,0,5,11,0,43,11,27,19,4,26,0,0,0,2,34,7,0,1,19,143,55,2,0.0,0.2975225556159304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165459817351494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664093070235687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483257008915173,0.07653671694181136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356795606617817,0.1408197886177854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097211656638502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284856085503965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488448085699964,0.0,0.1112038157247424,0.0,0.0,0.08292741044864373,0.11357102429748005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753856448718402,0.11475432712669728,0.10679639694918552,0.0,0.13766377527981227,0.09700291666704296,0.0,0.06559692341573196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083443680919952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365485386897916,0.0,0.12395884691438365,0.0,0.1334583166112518,0.0,0.0,0.16831275968707854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26209207332433065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900134263526655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22663525921631694,0.0,0.0838084494060201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265291723272989,0.0,0.1267740200454478,0.0,0.10021621954298154,0.0,0.09229683406823047,0.0,0.19367038463326106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047270718435008,0.0,0.0,0.13371119868321052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985575638436227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043327962972299,0.0,0.0,0.13479829737754073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385978863940597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063817245623874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886795772030237,0.0,0.20053560258636127,0.0,0.0,0.1312565825623279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944011847578945,0.0,0.10973996500824697,0.0,0.14358224859946342,0.0,0.0,0.08045010582352098,0.12335643167683152,0.0,0.07321170385041192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24529655384633384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405516076999714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102983476231145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085283268463495
bpd,Nimmyzed,2019/04/25,"I just need a little calming encouragement Hello friends, I'm looking for a bit of support. My SO and I are on a break because of my out of control BPD episodes and his lack of wanting sex. We still text every day about mundane things and so far I've been managing. 

Today my brain went into overdrive and I started doubting everything. My paranoia peaked and I nearly broke down in work. But I managed to hold it in. We texted over a few things and I was able to stay cool and calm. He said he's still not ready to talk about the future and I was all cool about it. I know the worst thing I can do now is cling. 

Then I found out a colleague from work died last night from cancer and it put things into perspective. I'm still shaky and emotional but could someone please give me an internet hug and tell me it's going to be ok",1.578823529411764,3.7222512352941166,2.6782352941176484,93.67205882352944,80.76470588235293,5.411764705882354,22.94117647058824,6.522977012572876,0.4654705882352941,650,22,140,6,17,207,111,170,0.10099999999999999,0.7609999999999999,0.138,0.7359,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,3,10,13,0,2,8,3,9,4,1,1,1,32,22,16,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,17,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,6,4,19,9,24,14,5,28,0,1,1,2,12,12,0,2,11,94,27,4,0.15089828319387266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198619284775723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647418429350098,0.0,0.19005110523785698,0.16845238910288302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924525574338614,0.12048000042525167,0.0,0.0,0.09731690915654656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660859418876946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697402582394522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713831178042578,0.0,0.13561764695718365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654521788629445,0.11658363927621015,0.0,0.0,0.14475538324011286,0.08575897179137866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292975011232025,0.12300224092857585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123972216165166,0.0,0.0,0.12671655317909494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118891649630529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160781664740693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656410010428876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169445299532422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143538822676525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785562566673075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068065815138243,0.1608374922292225,0.3615226916456564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123758354284796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128632410585816,0.1318917506225063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010004570428548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303392839465584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890037170674518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988422030592745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971149471003648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_tomiswaiting,2019/04/25,"I keep accidentally refreshing my feed when seeing posts I can relate to, then losing them It’s stressing me out. I keep seeing posts about subconscious thoughts I’m having and then losing them, Christ haha",3.783243243243245,7.057531648648649,4.198702702702703,78.14021621621625,83.86486486486487,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,1.386063783783784,169,5,26,3,5,53,28,37,0.252,0.6729999999999999,0.075,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,2,2,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,7,1,3,7,0,6,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400724627683864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538963430037235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741741506317383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39453493324415295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835708037065401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965292073153428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,h4ven222,2019/04/25,"i don't understand the gravity of anything i'm not too sure how to explain this but i'll try my best. basically, i don't have a grasp on how serious anything really is. i've barely been to school in the past 2 ish years and might never graduate because of it. in my head i know it's a really serious thing, but i don't feel like it. i've also been sexually assaulted and i did feel weird about it for some time, but i still somehow don't have a grasp on how serious it is. another example is when i hear about murders or some horrible crime on the news i don't think of it the same way everyone else does. as in, i know that if someone murders someone it's bad, but once again, i struggle to understand how serious it is. i don't know what's wrong with me, i can't find anyone on the internet with this same problem. it might be a dissociation thing since i do struggle with that a lot, but idk. does anyone else relate to this, and if so can anyone give me some advice on what's happening?",4.141380198748621,4.246513885167467,6.093397129186603,80.01070298122931,70.43540669856459,10.25852042694148,30.430990062569013,10.214889679676881,2.882295988222304,778,30,169,20,13,273,104,209,0.243,0.716,0.042,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,13,16,3,2,10,0,21,1,1,4,2,44,34,19,2,3,9,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,18,6,0,0,12,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,3,3,17,3,22,28,7,16,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,10,8,119,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658407651820772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359234464877737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135833005905062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717301816114056,0.13272808180933332,0.21319922850949344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081597096456536,0.07896581257731214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359432583269553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672102001915914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642653587870248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378012927952635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099768843363865,0.09254273496384266,0.0,0.0,0.11839635994854165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426567627833332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455096866333235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294445421196532,0.0,0.14599994251566895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135738495653745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328624460252387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101294819454486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274840957255284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999085138859113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379548780846395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365969658922164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239513919714234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597208602632094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110045102060852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715605439744494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195160612868043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345006580927814,0.0,0.0,0.2708447164263741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208903710889794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721199995018308,0.08300340323083025,0.0,0.0,0.07553527137978239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794852296030084,0.0,0.0,0.26970947325573513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282208141059378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163063379326216,0.0,0.08341891169663958
bpd,ParanoidBirb,2019/04/25,"How long does it take to heal? How long does it take for self harm skills to stop being bright pink and eventually fade to a normal skin tone? I’ve had these scars on my wrist for months and they’re still bright pink and very noticeable. I have to job hunt soon and I don’t want anyone to see them. I’ve been using a cheap concealer to cover them, but it doesn’t match my skin tone. That and it rubs off super easily. :|",1.5965449438202235,3.341359932584272,2.5375140449438227,96.68469803370786,78.8876404494382,6.247752808988763,14.495786516853931,7.1686216300943375,-0.6106303370786517,330,3,79,4,8,104,59,89,0.06,0.789,0.152,0.8559,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,6,4,3,3,0,12,11,8,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,6,3,10,8,0,9,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,7,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639299115564368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164953829029826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23614685093604046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42118897175338055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994405268807066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315844043422876,0.0,0.2709285238473599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962995117546044,0.0,0.2482528698105952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190041817767638,0.1989521815252119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578451411007264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552823411829707,0.0,0.19634879641053168,0.14035988808265706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Larissaaamanda,2019/04/25,Struggling to stay content in relationship I absolutely love and adore my fiancé and obviously the thought of him leaving scared the shit out of me but we recently moved cities and he is being more independent which means less attention for me. I have previously been controlling / have an episode whenever he wants to enjoy alone time. It caused issues so I found other ways to endure being alone and not wanting to die. That coping mechanism is sexting strangers online. It’s exciting and keep me occupied enough until he’s back to give me attention. I told him I was doing this and he even approved but now is becoming jealous and frustrated and wants me to stop. Problem is if I don’t have this outlet I don’t know what I’ll do when I’m alone. Help?!,4.062797202797203,6.467971643356647,5.03846153846154,78.53153846153849,73.82517482517483,8.595804195804197,29.181818181818183,9.265573868473778,2.8824517482517487,607,26,108,15,13,198,96,143,0.161,0.6920000000000001,0.147,-0.1014,0,3,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,2,5,10,3,2,3,0,15,2,1,3,1,30,27,14,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,3,6,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,5,0,16,4,12,20,3,12,0,0,0,1,12,2,1,1,7,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973038822652452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307185917549306,0.0,0.0,0.17676737372332668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644198310891918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795144809434703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611106984121274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537885297445004,0.0,0.10571434021307873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549125308765628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353864645708076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728100783263383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705508140591294,0.0,0.14226359512768194,0.0,0.0,0.08796164466055725,0.0,0.0,0.1694743689489136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444552336040348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743460287803022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011236629590526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315032694254666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803428909048114,0.1718383944707652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024225261124544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429341492950114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059656299941287,0.0,0.13381254202737655,0.0,0.16732348145361536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270652174162018,0.0933289358313514,0.0,0.0,0.15293872030513886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28321247767728003,0.12704363488371362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myfatedisappeared,2019/04/25,"It's not sad if nobody loves me. lol Normally a girl sitting there all day high out of her fucking mind on opiates with her eyes half shut, struggling to breathe properly, tired as hell as the days blend together would cause someone to tear up in empathy, sympathy or *something*. Not me. Nobody loves me. And the people who said they cared about me? Haha. They hurt me all the same. How must I feel guilty when I do drugs if I don't believe anyone loves me or that I'm even worthy of love? I'm turning into an addict. I have 2 pretty hard drugs coming my way, on top of the ones I'm using to numb this excruciating pain. How does one person break me? Was it the breaking point? I must've been on the edge before I met him, yeah, that's it. Oh, I can't survive sober now. That means I'd need to face my responsibilities or some shit, my loneliness and friendlessness. I'd rather stay ""asleep."" Nobody wake me. Do not resuscitate if I die. I don't want to die. I just want to be happy without living every moment wondering if I'm worth literally ANYTHING. I'm tired of feeling empathy for those who purposely hurt me. I look at life and its situations as ""what if I were in their shoes?"" I don't judge anymore unless I know someone fairly well and they're a dick. Do people offer me the same decency? Fuck no, of course not. That would imply that life is fair when we all know that it isn't and never will be. I'm still borderline, sure, but underneath it my underlying personality has changed, twisted. It warped into a mixture of severely apathetic with a dash of *too* empathetic. I'm at my wit's end, trying to fight myself. Two extremes with no in between. One could understand why I'm exhausted. I take drugs to numb out and not feel, I love turning off my loud brain which overthinks everything. I'm a fucking psychopath I swear. Oh, and to add the icing to the posioned cake that is my life, I can't sleep.",1.7904450261780127,4.1279025340314215,3.5486361256544505,86.63023167539271,81.25130890052355,6.5425130890052365,23.16256544502618,7.734863291789972,1.2020217801047122,1496,52,304,26,40,499,214,382,0.14800000000000002,0.727,0.125,-0.8477,0,0,4,0,1,1,58.0,1,0,3,2,13,24,6,1,15,3,23,31,10,4,6,64,60,24,2,14,18,0,4,0,0,4,13,2,0,3,20,17,0,0,8,0,1,1,15,14,1,5,5,8,43,10,44,48,6,35,1,3,2,9,21,20,6,10,9,192,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608727830848124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741271381555869,0.061630607444460826,0.0,0.07253296936952569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500195043521303,0.09930532147852768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983950980744675,0.0,0.0,0.08986616456220807,0.09054563141707693,0.09324205200747572,0.07592612385034862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037383987836618,0.0,0.0,0.11368799067508815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829539855928909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713324722347685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066485765210893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806723413722141,0.0,0.0,0.0582166495429645,0.0,0.0742630408703602,0.0,0.07921592411984504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337010183722971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445627366791706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382829808999237,0.07895749847248901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931263661675618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871466254750652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688056000926352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677090871700566,0.0,0.0,0.07783058616599654,0.0,0.07401668651965786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977558622804863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601196617462067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899781937251239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535582795021005,0.06798018199319097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635998556768097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918094634805054,0.0,0.0937888027796549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221247824368345,0.15392356912624208,0.0,0.0,0.08332223608312644,0.0,0.0,0.08967162386332557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384277961248905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957484085656644,0.0904760143220788,0.0,0.09907477314872068,0.08820518515358147,0.0,0.14936406534628446,0.06785565630321208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394714379669727,0.07038994003006599,0.0,0.0,0.09214466514627796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307234928460598,0.0,0.06627146150782606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261144609101006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059842313375824185,0.19174534918311995,0.08610146773009775,0.091758441618648,0.0,0.0761259823969958,0.0,0.0,0.1039763165899105,0.06996264417657949,0.0,0.0,0.07924982119686934,0.0,0.07953402164294095,0.0,0.0,0.08496528996240497,0.09558572984682473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522642857633565,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pretto91,2019/04/25,"My gf is stand-bying me and I'm freaking out Hi guys, last week I [28] had a fight with my girlfriend [27], she was pretty mad and decided to not see me for a couple of weeks.
One week has passed and we are currently texting, she is not sweet anymore and she doesn't seem to care about me, I lost her graduation and I'm going to lose her degree party.
I don't know what to do and I'm going crazy, she knows about my bpd and what I feel: is this abusing? Or am I overreacting?",-0.10313327449249954,1.8186686601941773,2.3822065313327454,94.66100617828778,85.6990291262136,5.2988526037069725,18.101500441306268,6.574015621080383,-0.1866815533980581,364,9,87,4,11,125,67,103,0.22699999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9522,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,2,7,2,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,0,18,23,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,3,3,18,2,10,20,0,9,0,2,1,0,12,1,0,2,5,55,21,1,0.0,0.2535892380144352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122591489639236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695618962485516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821671903327894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368188974103442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108219438327145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432751025307401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119222520342588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352493627197561,0.1744621125251077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944358297692386,0.2336378178459146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503151590601593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774432730236007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705533160108017,0.1948438643435607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150431999086369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,true_karma,2019/04/25,"How Young Can You Be Diagnosed With BPD? Going through my old journals (my childhood self loved journals) I see very clear descriptions of what I now know is dissociation. My thirteen year old self describes it the best, but I see patterns in writing as young as 10. 
Is this even possible?",4.309622641509435,6.924277698113206,4.3515471698113215,82.74392452830193,73.90566037735849,7.258867924528303,33.241509433962264,8.238735603445708,2.764678490566037,230,12,41,4,5,71,42,53,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.7474,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,6,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,6,8,1,9,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,0,7,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391418217912039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870018671727245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128936125954594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050996057122465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950719228985538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252346998804107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566700288936265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47823509550421794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25689597100761524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36317536587193255,0.0,0.4754487688434708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802157974751504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674468421961026
bpd,pizza4life100,2019/04/25,"No one gives a shit that I'm sad.. I have been seeing my SO for almost a year and he pretty much never wants to have sex anymore, like maybe once in 2 weeks, and we live together. All I've heard from him lately is him teasing me about other girls he sees, him telling me I'm hard to go out with because I get emotional/aggressive when I'm drunk sometimes, him teasing me about how I can't dance...but he says this stuff all as jokes so I can't even get mad about it without being a bad sport. I just saw a show he's in with a bunch of amazingly talented and attractive women dancing and singing. I sing too, but I'm shy, and the girls in the show are better. he hasn't made it a point to compliment my singing or really anything else about me lately but he's been teasing me a lot about random girls he sees cos he thinks it's cute when I'm jealous. I asked him for a compliment today (yeah I know it was desperate af), and he said ""you're pretty, I love you"" and got confused and frustrated that that wasn't enough for me to feel better. I haven't felt sexually or intellectually attractive to anyone in months. My friends are far away and they're all getting closer to each other than they are to me.  So naturally I'm terrified I'm losing them and gaining no new friends to make up for it. Due to a history of abusive relationships and a dramatic life in general I don't even want to talk to them about my problems anymore because I'm tired of being that friend. They even used to joke about how I create drama in my relationships cos I need it. Since my childhood I've been the friend that is always having boy trouble or is depressed and being dramatic. I'm finally in a place where I stopped talking to my friends about that stuff and seem like an easy going person and they actually respect me now. But like yeah that makes me feel more alone cos they have no clue what's going on in my head and how tortured and helpless I feel all the time. My new therapist has been really helpful but she keeps pronouncing my name wrong and making random generalizations about my family dynamics due to my race/culture that are only rarely accurate, and it really seems patronizing the way she insists something ""must be"" because of my culture even when I argue that in my case that isn't true. 
My family doesn't even understand or try to acknowledge that mental health issues are a thing. My partner tries...but he's too caught up in his own depression to be able to give a shit about mine. I hate my job, it's probably the one thing that's going well for me right now but it's stressful and not something I give a shit about. I just don't have any motivation or self esteem to move forward to do something else with my life, I've been crying myself to sleep like everyday for 4 weeks now, I'm so tired.",3.6042930970837967,4.9770023139329815,4.765609285919363,84.38132152085642,72.5978835978836,8.096288093187319,26.766293425208158,8.638961771785754,1.8320702924408359,2220,77,455,40,43,731,255,567,0.188,0.644,0.168,-0.9219,1,1,3,0,0,0,47.0,1,1,6,5,35,48,12,2,21,2,36,13,5,12,7,82,85,40,0,5,14,0,5,4,6,1,5,3,0,8,29,25,1,2,11,11,0,8,15,23,1,2,14,12,65,25,63,65,11,53,0,5,4,2,59,22,3,12,28,285,94,2,0.07129621976589959,0.08447436197845923,0.06957482588817343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713928653779407,0.0738413818626083,0.0,0.0,0.05932416626631265,0.0,0.0,0.04848387429236263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414133842840564,0.049851974579995836,0.0,0.05867071403571244,0.0,0.0666523411989031,0.0,0.06698514539810099,0.0,0.059529365459437024,0.13038454146511638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611142511418835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831554960027517,0.0,0.0,0.1228146592259902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191176861666157,0.0,0.0,0.07366805369904486,0.0,0.23545240372356854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442346158844745,0.0,0.10814853277605273,0.0,0.06845555171555925,0.07810152382185269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754164126660706,0.0,0.11174799655419022,0.20518149174416545,0.16207713885996,0.0,0.05702209998041551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386740890551379,0.07039025651685675,0.07317049043971342,0.07578454764961062,0.0,0.0,0.0477883532492701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441473009617737,0.07075049693047279,0.06337135599135149,0.0,0.0,0.039182537826110975,0.0,0.16085048268136273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007172570007364,0.13932692666581548,0.0,0.0629558682605871,0.0,0.0,0.07976223305131161,0.0,0.06061349646802175,0.06434762192899103,0.06746220701296952,0.1427723409538727,0.0,0.07162663561810746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184982047417447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056907962411528026,0.07577659845720677,0.05241092497612322,0.05286524356529417,0.05498803995599163,0.13771666664954324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592814719378825,0.09662432734808774,0.05422398786267324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225310907618933,0.0744893750285191,0.0,0.067397972653566,0.0,0.0,0.14506777391119915,0.07686938354930566,0.0682208535511662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370225520782408,0.0,0.0,0.1530909163263542,0.0,0.06088658212415179,0.06781903166741639,0.056697615578567985,0.0,0.0,0.17044156920219414,0.1298108015522554,0.07437750634359604,0.0,0.21955363510646325,0.058976969745158266,0.0,0.07134770904315299,0.0,0.0,0.16466193958180886,0.07051378438809362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960683215768477,0.08166957885705609,0.0,0.1632342283216466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461040159004958,0.062316038583487776,0.0,0.0,0.0827804063038678,0.0947320807978366,0.04568373881081023,0.0,0.0,0.0415733990945076,0.16388903304656688,0.06758047988990916,0.0,0.0,0.04840545321426745,0.0,0.0,0.07422187917253767,0.0,0.061577042588006024,0.0,0.0,0.08410471527857201,0.056591620684303436,0.11437905394904685,0.0,0.06410386390132243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872701164279177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795122404592737,0.0,0.04591242799085416
bpd,throwaway_desuka,2019/04/25,"I Just Need to Vent I'm just full of anger today.

Today marked the last day to talk to my fp for the whole weekend. We didn't talk much. She was busy.

She's always so busy.

I feel like I'm boiling in my very pit 

She asked to call as we fell asleep and I reluctantly agreed and we chatted a little bit.
I got sad remembering I had to work on my birthday, I told her this, and all she said was ""mmhmm"".

I lost it.

Tossed my phone across the bed at first, then hung up on her.

I can't do this, I can't keep doing this. I love her so much, I love her more than anyone I've ever loved. I'm just going to destroy her, tear her apart, choke her out with my emotions.

She tells me she doesn't mind being my fp. She likes to feel so wanted. She likes to feel so loved.

I'm going to spend all weekend feeling unloved.

Unloved, unwanted, rejected, tossed aside, destroyed, broken and angry.

I'm so angry.

I'm not angry at her.

I'm angry at me.

I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to look at her, I don't want her to message me, I don't want to message her.

Because if I do, I'll fall apart again all weekend.

All I want to do is scream and yell and beg her to talk to me anyways, that I don't care if her family is coming over, everyone else always takes priority because they are right fucking in front of her and I'm so far away. I'm behind a screen.

It's easy to ignore me.

It's easy to not think about me.

I can't do that to her, though. Every fucking minute I can reach for my phone, I'm there to answer her in an instant. I don't get that.

I don't get her pining after my attention. I don't believe her when she says she missed me. I don't feel like she wants me or loves me.

I love her too much to hurt her. To ruin her weekend. To breakdown and panic and cry so much when she just wants to spend time with her parents. Even if I'm breaking down, I refuse to try to control her.

I won't tell her who to talk to, who to be friends with, who to spend time with.

I wish it were only me, though. Just me. Just look at me. Just listen to me. Pay attention to me.

Just Just Just Just Just to me.

All I am is scum.

I wish she could find someone better than me.",-0.7117028698271746,1.1631241512605044,1.5966751228793434,99.61158791818615,87.94957983193278,4.3487553511970845,16.544157285555734,5.4832181499982,-0.8569051371491994,1640,36,412,9,53,552,193,476,0.161,0.72,0.11900000000000001,-0.9229,1,1,0,0,0,0,71.0,3,0,1,5,30,29,5,1,6,0,33,10,1,1,6,71,86,26,0,16,18,1,5,4,1,1,0,5,1,0,13,18,1,4,11,5,4,6,17,16,0,1,9,13,96,13,64,73,13,46,0,6,3,8,72,22,2,4,21,270,109,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253470072535725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055686551934567424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744532005202177,0.0,0.07482495547032376,0.0,0.0,0.09709632835921757,0.0,0.0,0.08972767219398813,0.0,0.07043562951447836,0.08694689703374517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132194626075273,0.0,0.0811988887917988,0.0,0.0,0.06860331601944712,0.0,0.0,0.08932369313347571,0.06358653032510045,0.0,0.08748144796354583,0.05136159174457328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652949329417818,0.08958494388975068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260185827556976,0.07203947273871544,0.06710063154858452,0.07609999621737815,0.0,0.0,0.0750780599769177,0.0,0.20134337498898688,0.1137905061448196,0.0,0.0,0.07279005601851182,0.06774224476889383,0.0,0.0,0.06153012191302724,0.1472528834162662,0.08321784196950452,0.0,0.09052316469479364,0.0,0.06369585475259562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525689825657068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078821523736421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491770995396608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556334769690932,0.07982079304156459,0.0,0.0,0.13375607441857115,0.0,0.08693711129409745,0.0,0.431272448556436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041429244416914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417998746976385,0.05905248801345584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057025707916019,0.0,0.0934410722885922,0.08843144984353409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021726293118916,0.06801262830891795,0.07575643815350695,0.06333339333260826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747921306438094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987981193209749,0.3200604456571988,0.13921877109872302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103047402407645,0.15649294970962932,0.0,0.0928781364139494,0.0,0.1509799334874302,0.07609999621737815,0.0,0.05407073254454835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571182699863387,0.3757926649654965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891587407963307,0.18316549515065392,0.0,0.0,0.057979297691904436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,auberus,2019/04/25,"I want to sleep forever. I have nobody and nothing, and I just. want. to. stop.",-2.7562499999999983,-3.732369124999998,0.4079999999999995,97.83700000000002,146.5,3.78,15.7,5.6839178017228535,-0.16620999999999994,58,2,13,1,5,20,11,16,0.149,0.6759999999999999,0.17600000000000002,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790044939087763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995695172082063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41736107245314347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888927979626841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ericaavey,2019/04/25,"DAE cancel on therapists after the first visit? I just can't hang, apparently. I saw one therapist a few years ago for a year, and that was great, but once she kept bringing everything back to my parents in a rather Freudian way, I stopped seeing her. Since her, I've seen three therapists that I haven't followed up with after one appointment. Are my expectations too high? Is talk therapy just not really doing it for me? Am I reading too much into it? I've noticed recently I've gotten more out of physical work/therapy (yoga, psychedelics, acupuncture) to shut up my mind rather than stimulate the loops.",5.0215830875122895,7.027181522123897,5.701356932153393,76.54951819075715,70.06194690265487,9.623992133726649,31.13962635201573,9.994966539143718,3.4299526057030487,484,21,84,13,9,157,85,113,0.037000000000000005,0.907,0.055999999999999994,0.4606,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,15,14,2,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,4,5,3,12,1,15,9,3,22,0,0,3,0,6,8,0,0,9,60,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446912131952658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551177060177612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669823343658506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884111587356945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995874951184712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245867614296287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481311083241065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999089669409048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858354403819157,0.0,0.17383181980196086,0.2212141778883364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124467555630352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327153968803246,0.0,0.1045676316446812,0.0,0.16116733404713987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007107921256356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502336559115696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364653885225857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311959754910349,0.0,0.0,0.3733294415292124,0.5685586651424691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295622871448069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883146796467355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022614680184373
bpd,alohaxkalena,2019/04/25,"Growth (tw; suicide attempts self harm & drug addiction) 19 f here; 
For years I had struggled with drug addiction to cocaine, crack, & opioids. I struggled with about 7 years of self harm. I grew up in a very dark place. I attempted suicide on march 8th 2018. I was in a psychiatric ward from March 10th-May 16th 2018. I moved to a different state on June 7th 2018. I joined job corps a few months later in attempts to obtain my high school diploma, get clean, get a certification in a trade, and to really change my life around. I am currently 127 days CLEAN! I haven’t self harmed since my suicide attempt back in 2018. I’m currently working in a hospital and doing classes to obtain my diploma. And shortly I’m going to be going to college to obtain my degree in nursing. I see the same drugs I’m addicted to on a DAILY. It definitely isn’t no walk in the park to refrain from using but I definitely am trying! I am on Wellbutrin to help with my bpd, depression, ptsd, and anxiety. And it definitely is working. I feel so accomplished. Although it isn’t a lot I feel proud I’m doing well. I just wanted to vent a bit... there is hope and it does get better you just have to keep working at it!",1.873151260504201,4.240113592436973,3.6412873949579847,85.91253613445379,81.14285714285714,6.6651428571428575,25.486386554621856,7.839951260653429,1.6279204705882355,937,38,185,17,25,313,130,238,0.109,0.732,0.158,0.9428,4,0,5,0,0,3,38.0,0,1,0,13,9,10,0,2,12,0,14,7,0,1,0,22,30,9,3,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,2,3,5,10,0,2,2,0,1,6,4,6,1,0,2,3,22,4,36,27,4,36,0,1,1,0,5,18,0,2,11,108,27,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469295414953821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22987591243181146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115113595822218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443395362071744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156919955021022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381940114108137,0.11581220849462935,0.0,0.1336044190857111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122188872467586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841301500880413,0.0,0.09136680336056277,0.0,0.0,0.110831331106143,0.0,0.0,0.09283158174654632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690583947062874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727476985952414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626772881103885,0.0,0.12057575348730687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110338622064387,0.1120796567606652,0.0,0.10536166933794644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526832515675187,0.09428904103214313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749276501143779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018567405051167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467228006938206,0.1127465664800181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110831331106143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400218909501345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795775385226839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735892274038164,0.08453226151723701,0.0,0.3319946514221772,0.0,0.0,0.08775071691714477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179631541381029,0.0,0.34810387833995426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202155757756593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161931608360874,0.0,0.08752735369009404,0.06256890692839401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953789256858508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23168315633141995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662446507553866
bpd,sketchypudding,2019/04/25,"When do you warn you significant other? Hey everyone,

I've been dating this guy for a few months and things have been going well. I've caught myself doing some splitting and I just try to play it off but I know he knows something is up. Do y'all disclose your BPD to your significant other? Like I don't want to scare him, but I hope he would be understanding enough to know why I do some of the things I do. Any suggestions?",2.1437068965517234,4.11933214942529,3.435158045977012,89.80377155172415,78.08045977011494,6.648850574712642,20.070402298850574,7.645422480735847,0.5042195402298848,335,8,73,5,8,109,61,87,0.028999999999999998,0.7659999999999999,0.205,0.9371,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,12,0,0,0,0,14,20,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,0,13,4,8,15,4,7,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,3,4,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352585071763195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028598514385917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484667598799161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297765863708667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666297506534925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381002013298172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388380544699005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964632318358211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748006189394787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919385177396611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074948269429786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851232954181921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31951126696898285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326135301201591,0.0,0.0,0.2503346960344382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183370570139414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620877109654404,0.0,0.216984124633779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082090421402893,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lickmytearsthx,2019/04/25,"I can empathize/relate to this entire subreddit + the comments to such a degree that It’s sometimes so odd to read... like hey, you feel that too? In that complexity? Me fucking too - thanks for articulating it perfectly it makes me feel like, we’re real fucking self aware of our overwhelming, contradicting and erratic thoughts and behavior, yet we’re still able to construct ways to somehow break past these destructive, harmful cycles. Or at least we literally fight everyday to. we allow ourselves to be SO naked, SO vulnerable, and I feel that high functioning borderliners have beautifully creative personalities. 

I wake up a different person everyday. I have a wavering sense of self, sometimes to the point of dissociating. sometimes this is fun - I get to dye my hair a different colour, I want to do something spontaneous / where as my psychosis aspects of it (when I get really really bad) these episodes / the reality jumps (black n white, all or nothing) / and the residue of social disaster and list of traumas, sexual, physical, psychological - have given me a completely new perspective on what my existence is, and my suicidal tendencies and list of ODs add to it. the psychedelics really churned my psyche up when I spent years trying to unravel the purpose of being alive, 

Cos, yeno existing with BPD in this world, AND also within your own mind, is an insanity- inducing state to be. 

I want to know all of you.",7.362861176470584,8.952342712,7.8924941176470575,64.6701294117647,63.88,12.122352941176471,37.90588235294118,11.78182255692154,5.270143529411765,1138,58,179,39,17,376,157,250,0.122,0.77,0.10800000000000001,-0.7797,2,0,1,0,1,0,44.0,3,3,0,1,13,13,4,1,12,0,11,4,2,4,3,32,26,17,2,2,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,15,12,0,0,7,1,1,1,0,8,0,0,3,7,23,5,33,20,4,24,0,1,3,2,14,11,2,3,11,121,38,2,0.13577603920250564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858004949571193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336732136514592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100516830997722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235859385657956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837141250195635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059573351028918,0.09699842953560546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25104552075353753,0.14187475306790556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434548400392831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461896029551121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266662888338973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906315604858957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709509419659816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113334473583255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028077151483156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129613592797862,0.0,0.23710880061131365,0.0,0.0,0.12835224374065402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358127821269947,0.15454285777035084,0.2609448223719277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832880410841313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840657328715092,0.0,0.10452702839519287,0.4028579236668324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843092029618086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485169495446381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500433481149578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779100879603762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218301804521352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016845151502376,0.1077727000645328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874353176541067
bpd,throwmeaway7879172,2019/04/25,"BPD or Bipolar? So this is a long story I'll try to keep short.

About six months ago I was diagnosed with BPD (or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder as it's called in the UK). I had some reservations about the diagnosis and discussed them with my psychiatrist. We eventually decided to consider Bipolar type 2, but the more I research the two the more confused I get.

Reading up on BPD, a lot of it sounds like me - disturbed self-image, dissociation, self-harm, impulsivity, issues around rejection and abandonment.

But there are also some glaring omissions - my relationships with people are incredibly stable and I'm famous for being calm, patient and emotionally solid. I'm not argumentive and have very measured reactions to things.

In my head, this is kind of a deal-breaker. You can't have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder if you're not emotionally unstable. But maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm just massively overcompensating - trying to create some kind of stability by having an iron grip on my emotional state. Is that a thing?

There are other reasons why I think Bipolar 2 is more accurate - my mood swings are in the order of months, not days, and they don't seem to be triggered or affected by what's happening in my life. But I could be wrong about all that.

What do you think? Could I have some weird kind of BPD where I've just learned to micromanage my emotions, or is it more likely it's just not the right diagnosis?",6.321004965243298,8.015752600000006,7.260039721946378,67.85351539225424,66.39622641509433,10.86196623634558,34.32472691161867,10.882677951670544,4.2246981132075465,1169,54,197,35,19,391,151,265,0.138,0.785,0.076,-0.9594,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,1,2,2,0,12,14,0,2,12,0,23,6,1,3,1,46,34,18,0,3,16,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,2,13,11,0,2,6,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,2,2,20,6,29,27,10,18,0,3,0,0,10,11,0,12,7,136,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776437960466777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015496805742891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809531512208168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419545644401456,0.0,0.08957871520093642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008517878664842,0.0,0.0,0.056576429988547484,0.09044232118145533,0.0,0.08904070025926353,0.0,0.0,0.20108467590385087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5920840223814068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458335523692481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757638438216842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003284914801689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156382756050543,0.0,0.0779754748121512,0.0,0.27406140990253675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061963925290486686,0.0857176171389436,0.0,0.0,0.07763532216030382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458205830034108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626641671612933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004514564077006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081861134164405,0.15319904909123214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775038725955035,0.0,0.0,0.09019760415651372,0.0,0.09418558829326544,0.0,0.0749180773639703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986304481289971,0.1830360509652716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753625893762667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656337259317097,0.11242338653613076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912126981770713,0.0,0.08569618711733433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238367140365272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915965407550257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591531713474916,0.0,0.0
bpd,Chockenfoot9,2019/04/25,"Trying to be my own FP The thought occurred to me tonight: why haven't I attempted to be my own FP? 

I've gone between various FPs in the past, quite rapidly between them recently after a few months of crisis. Some back and forth. I've found myself exhausted by it all.

So why not try slowly and gently to make myself likeable to me?

I've been trying to look more at my DBT resources to help and mindfulness to ground me.

Wishing all of you lovely people a pleasant evening.",3.234893617021278,5.1379820106382965,4.30739361702128,85.10875000000001,74.63829787234042,6.827659574468084,28.77127659574468,7.645422480735847,1.856621276595745,375,16,71,5,8,122,65,94,0.064,0.762,0.174,0.8875,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,1,2,12,11,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,11,2,16,5,8,10,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,6,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568135874393082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090402510999062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250508459014599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314039577951225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185947677867668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620547936178604,0.0,0.15250726249829832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23069223795526814,0.0,0.1823646829018976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810298878443432,0.15839416241249282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430087777720685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255891705995728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138175692089026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653537792641642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123220450963017,0.0,0.2627322625628168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rollafosho,2018/12/03,"Looking for some blog feedback /suggestions Hey everyone. I'm usually just a lurker on here. I'm a fellow BPD sufferer, heavily pregnant, the father of my child is a total douche so I'm going to be solo mumming also. I have done thorough training for my job in mental health and also work with BPD sufferers. My friend suggested to me to start up a blog and I have to say the idea sat very nicely with me. I'm wondering is this something that would interest other people to read - a personal blog with a BPD solo mum and all that comes with it? I think I would go into my past aswell, which has been a roller-coaster and a half with relationships/phases in life/journeys etc. I like tk think I'm very self aware through going through treatment and through my work also and would like to include chat about coping strategies/therapeutic work that has helped as and when.
I'm hoping this isn't just a new phase for me as I'm sure you can all relate to, cause I really feel like getting into it. Any feedback and suggestions for if you think this could be successful and how to approach it would be really appreciated. Thank you x",5.622540400775693,6.243377579185518,6.317559793148027,77.88489819004525,67.32579185520362,9.391208791208793,30.717840982546875,9.424239791934726,2.703737944408533,899,33,168,17,14,295,125,221,0.04,0.813,0.146,0.9693,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,4,10,12,0,0,11,0,18,1,0,2,4,39,40,18,0,7,3,3,1,3,2,4,1,1,0,3,11,17,0,0,6,5,0,5,1,2,0,1,3,3,17,10,30,29,5,16,0,2,1,0,18,6,0,4,8,112,28,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28313073971596986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025455335714976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459089862615127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123437665887588,0.0,0.10165986092384338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422573433107873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077078009357135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161842343862756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276882052713955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059672157810900565,0.08431026151751121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911784444141493,0.0,0.06165820205107912,0.0,0.20121270079678555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254449053785952,0.0,0.0,0.07910326890477087,0.0,0.0,0.11721597106545875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322507888205207,0.0,0.0,0.11711212467700664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335780291824403,0.172969163975476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910325558648392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893181671446156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398005762851746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265910136205527,0.08181705394245573,0.10304653943033808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804738729655995,0.0,0.15120743927606253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385062314193242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311585323048647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085405961559544,0.0,0.0,0.08353194338487893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122816557230596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108652771073073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685860654439055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299773457822066,0.19475021271097487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279827220165362,0.2577499608685222,0.0,0.0,0.3353391604226201,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ialch24,2018/12/03,"Vent/rant My therapy went awful today. My therapist told me I was the one transferring parental-child feelings even though she said, on at least two occasions, one with my mom present, that she would try acting like a mother figure toward me in lieu of my own mom's parenting. She even told me once, half-jokingly I presume, that I looked like I was 12-years old. 

She's also misinterpreting the things that happened between me and my abuser and is claiming now that *I* bullied *him*. She clearly has no idea what bullying is despite having worked in anti-bullying, completely fails to see how he controlled my mind, and how I had no choice in messaging him multiple times because of what he did to me. ""We'll never know what he thinks""? F\*\*\* that. I know exactly what the narcissistic POS thinks and she's a fool to say we'll never know. 

I even opened my childhood bullying wounds with no comforting words from her, just ""Why didn't you report this to anyone?"" Gee, I don't know, maybe because my life could have gotten exponentially worse? Because when boys ratted out other boys, they retaliated outside of school? Because I felt ashamed? Because I was socially taught to keep those scars between friends? There are literally countless reasons. 

Then she tried reeling me in with the same old, ""If you want to go see a psychologist for 10 years and have them psychoanalyze you, then you are more than welcome, but that's not what we do here"" (social work). Not to mention she said that it's not ethical of her to open up traumatizing wounds over and over, then offered no comforting words when I opened up about my childhood bullying, *which was the route* *she suggested going down last week.* I don't care if she wants the best for me and challenges me. She's a hypocrite and isn't offering self-validation when I literally *told* her today that I need validation. Why should I trust a hypocrite and someone who denies me the things I need, and instead just challenges me? It isn't making me happier. 

I called her after the session, said how uncomfortable I was, told her she lied, said I was putting therapy on hold, and that if she wants to call back, that's up to her. Otherwise, I'll call her back in a few weeks and then we can decide whether to continue. Over a year of ""work"" down the drain? F\*\*\* me.",3.9505782493368713,6.268951308045981,4.439080459770118,83.10281167108757,73.85057471264369,7.771883289124668,28.165340406719718,8.617729084823388,2.2117621573828483,1829,74,344,36,39,578,217,435,0.134,0.8009999999999999,0.066,-0.9836,2,0,0,0,1,0,85.0,4,4,2,8,20,14,0,1,16,1,28,3,0,6,4,67,61,29,0,11,10,4,2,2,1,4,3,5,0,2,24,21,0,3,13,0,0,5,14,3,0,3,21,10,73,11,45,35,6,53,0,1,3,0,63,21,0,3,29,242,97,11,0.0,0.0979860206052872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661351896902299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782578872457584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718244733032746,0.0,0.2520658747299296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678858661847294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25333795250985097,0.0,0.08431819936457988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670941533427008,0.0,0.09275512359437192,0.06602925016130567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386778337814534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181562355265495,0.0,0.07940500459367231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389384342059544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400067367201737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313136957595139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335827546170944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350759270057544,0.0,0.0,0.18179911011465366,0.0674115679615475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841348184611742,0.08080612145155465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944720252247936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055202916857143,0.0,0.08308330278188966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350346221429955,0.19371456757840336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264205905724015,0.1275667336214056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735595543233758,0.08807284034117915,0.11207937069611744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182860417123168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313637906338649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850294116820374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314666693124649,0.06576638873897472,0.0,0.08369685256298492,0.13180244451843165,0.0,0.08627417477283691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860454606961528,0.07007147295717801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891493993212686,0.0960211170328011,0.10988445965896193,0.10598168882492592,0.08125236643694334,0.0,0.04822305661621939,0.0,0.15677993038163265,0.3160937174474609,0.0,0.11229579306608896,0.0,0.08078591933923902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633587347583804,0.0,0.13267396254407296,0.0,0.0,0.07666376281206744,0.14924784040413994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061983561152214,0.0,0.08427840293937294,0.058747733487082475,0.0,0.0,0.1597683371540981
bpd,r3rider,2018/12/03,"Anyone here deal with adhd as well? I’m seeking to understand a difference between BPD and rejection sensitive dysphoria/adhd Hi guys, not looking for a diagnosis here but I am trying to understand differences between certain problems. I’m getting evaluated, but due to scheduling I can’t get an appointment until the beginning of January. 

For a time I did believe I had BPD, but I don’t relate to all symptoms such as obsessing over or idealizing others, I don’t split on people or lose friends over my symptoms. But I do deal with the paranoid thoughts, worrying about my bf not wanting me one day, asking if he still likes me every single day(although joking a bit), and I have very bad “episodes” where I lose control over my emotions, shut down, but also yell, cuss, say almost anything hurtful to get to the other person (always my bf), threaten to leave, then pack up all my stuff and actually do leave but only hoping he begs me to come back, then I throw a fit when he doesn’t come after me (this could even be me going to sleep on the couch and he doesn’t come to ask me to go back to bed 5 times), I get a rush of adrenaline and lose my shit basically acting crazy, saying things that don’t even make sense. Then I usually cry after and he soothes me. If I’m not soothed and given a hug then I stay upset until it subsides itself. These usually happen after being triggered by something in a romantic relationship. It’s usually when my bf snips at me a bit or his tone gets angry with me. But in the past it has happened with an ex, just last year because he went to a party and didn’t invite me. So I really don’t fully understand what triggers it in me. 

Recently this year, I’ve thought that I actually might have adhd instead. I deal with inattentiveness, forgetfulness, tuning out of conversations, not being able to watch a movie without going on my phone, not being able to be productive, and getting bored with jobs quickly. I struggled in college and have struggled in school since middle school. I’m now 27 and have difficulties finding a career now. I constantly change what I want to do because I can’t decide or think I will get bored eventually. I also came across RSD with adhd. This has a lot of similar symptoms to BPD episodes, so it’s very confusing to me. 

Also to add, when I was 20-25 I was off and on with my abusive ex boyfriend. I went through physical and emotional abuse during those years with him. Also dealt with him abandoning me quite frequently when he’d get upset at me. He’d leave me at the movies, a restaurant, concerts, shopping malls etc. and I’d have no way to get home (until Uber came along). 

I’ve also never met my own father, so that adds to underlying abandonment issues, which is why I’m not sure if BPD is the main cause or I just have adhd along with abandonment issues from my dad not wanting me and ptsd issues possibly from the abusive relationship. 

Any thoughts? I’m just looking for insight and what others think. I’ve done a lot of research on my own but articles and videos I’ve seen are very these are the symptoms and no real life examples. The examples are either exaggerated or I just can’t relate. For example, I don’t cry and believe my bf doesn’t love me anymore or will leave me. (It’s usually just me threatening to leave, but don’t really want to—just want to be shown that he doesn’t want me to leave. If that makes sense). 

Thank you for taking time to read this and I’ll try to answer any questions. ",5.0229514066496135,5.9938064,6.018452685421997,78.24271099744249,68.82352941176471,9.089514066496164,30.812020460358056,9.318704503766252,2.726122762148338,2752,109,517,54,46,913,305,680,0.187,0.7390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9979,1,0,1,0,1,0,76.0,0,1,0,6,32,30,1,6,27,0,48,9,2,6,5,119,103,61,0,14,34,4,0,1,5,3,5,4,3,2,28,41,0,4,13,6,1,13,25,19,1,1,16,8,67,11,87,75,12,81,0,8,4,2,39,26,1,18,41,351,95,7,0.09951158267569653,0.17685742982442315,0.09710894997310382,0.0,0.2989839608623029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982323781568713,0.0,0.0,0.1989484417830248,0.0414008042464301,0.0,0.0,0.06767128861704584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934437522718271,0.03479040618319508,0.0,0.04094477680287485,0.0,0.09302989672554472,0.0,0.0,0.07651826459419145,0.041544007466310685,0.060661337165987386,0.0,0.0,0.11211547682713156,0.0,0.0,0.10864087500791073,0.0,0.2506627096238886,0.0,0.0,0.11381474039288712,0.0,0.05111290356748055,0.05263502985295068,0.12858062567611184,0.0,0.0537683343675088,0.055805350806208666,0.03972595071768256,0.0,0.10930880086531417,0.06417673843799014,0.15388810829956634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396842393538523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091744938039548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193713661730514,0.0,0.0,0.0554908596911556,0.06572646184120932,0.0,0.041921400151821116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045475891880631336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844120096304466,0.0,0.2339581264152337,0.0,0.08483208851988151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926605601884041,0.0879977639180698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990911555111612,0.04941872751567241,0.0,0.0,0.05326460370091994,0.0,0.0,0.1557963575888748,0.049374945458263736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04055761075735332,0.0,0.3161051931459451,0.0,0.0,0.035143986875485964,0.024308166385574887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356466681506174,0.16699201040558034,0.0,0.0846011890230051,0.0449065442781997,0.0,0.06642475415613068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278303176695115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837473362698784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0337158119005269,0.03784152139426048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749753281711756,0.034494400875281155,0.04344483782587125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609217878840034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047609572643923466,0.05816185746429055,0.0,0.055737873446174986,0.052921408649216135,0.049769255961612205,0.056632983471463914,0.06374966800175501,0.0,0.04912784136273262,0.10683819862350252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913560464618186,0.0,0.1007110343376504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107360479836714,0.041158504756828716,0.0,0.049791724375301966,0.0,0.0,0.038304439019904615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303305334745476,0.03973503923458144,0.0,0.0,0.10403111249365532,0.05695847711305406,0.0,0.0,0.046894244500318524,0.20686127340907667,0.03741016290142809,0.0,0.0,0.04580844776250128,0.0,0.0,0.03305553688999198,0.0637630040769877,0.0,0.1185016216392805,0.08703900616372222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756183252495558,0.0,0.0,0.15539260054478032,0.0,0.0,0.21919589885354887,0.12316121610520453,0.1760835291549892,0.03949383122253018,0.0,0.0,0.04473643184304636,0.09224823410425573,0.04489686266413127,0.0,0.0,0.04796280731013127,0.0,0.0,0.05052942130717133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612329494162904
bpd,lovehel,2018/12/03,"Is my mother borderline? My mother did everything from the outside a mother could do,  went to a nice school,  wore nice clothes,  had activities,  parties,  play dates with friends,  she acted like a really happy preppy mother on the outside,  but there was another side to her nobody saw,  only my siblings. She used to have these insane moods,  where she would go nuclear,  screaming,  yelling,  I would hide.  She would threaten my sister and I with abandonment,  when I was three onwards,  if things weren't the way she wanted them in the house.  It wasn't over spilt milk,  it would be over the way someone wasn't paying attention to her,  or said something she didn't like,  things I didn't even notice,  so I had no idea what happened,  when she would be yelling how nobody cares about her,  and how she is leaving and never coming back, I remember looking out the window at her frantically driving away thinking it might be the last time I ever see her.  This caused me to act as perfect as I could know how,  because I didn't want to cause her to leave. 

I always had to second guess her emotions,  or foresee the situation,  I was terrified of her abandoning me.  I remember one night as a little girl just crying and crying wanting her attention,  I was scared to go to close in case I set her off,  and stayed a safe distance away where she could hear me,  outside her door,  the door was open I remember her laying there just being unaffected by my cries for comfort. I cried myself to sleep. I remember on a few occasions when I got older about 8 or 9 she would get extremely angry at me,  if I ever expressed my real feelings,  she would mock me saying wonder what your friends would think if they saw you now,  or tell me how horrible I am to my family and fake I am to my friends.  She always wanted me to be nice no matter how upset I was or how I felt. She got really jealous if she saw me happy or something.  I remember one day she was even shouting at me saying you don't think I am a good enough mother to you do you, it made me feel so guilty,  I never even said that.  She used to call my older sister fat,  and make fun of her weight when she hit puberty  she would start mocking her behind her back,  I got the message if I don't please my mother I will get ridiculed,  demeaned, degraded etc...

 Shamefully as a child at about 10 or 11 I actually started acting like my mother and took out my anger towards my mother on my sister,  I would call her names etc.. And my mother never cared,  I feel immense guilt for what my sister must have felt at the time,  but at the time I actually felt like a team with my mother,  and it made me feel closer to my mother,  which is sick.  My mother never apologized to my sister,  and she never spends anytime with the family,  I can see why.  When the last day my mother had one of her angry outbursts again,  and left me in a car in the IKEA car park for hours, I am an adult by the way,  but had no bag with me, so was stuck, anyway it did something to me.  It made me think about all the times I felt abandoned by her.  I brought this was up with her today,  how I am surprised she is still around when I thought she would leave long ago,  I brought up the time she used to threaten to abandon us,  how that traumatized me.  She became so angry and defensive,  saying to grow up,  I am an adult now,  how pathetic I sound etc... When she could see her words weren't getting to me,  she started screaming at me to get out and leave.  Once again I left out of fear of what she could do.  What the hell is wrong with my mother?  Is she borderline,  a narc, or just a b*tch?  Sorry for the last word. ",5.405071890251946,5.248223196675905,5.970518401266322,82.87503231763623,67.72576177285319,8.815248647935631,28.824825220947105,8.344100000000001,1.8374886162775368,2796,84,576,35,42,909,278,722,0.22,0.701,0.08,-0.9990000000000001,0,0,3,0,2,0,90.0,1,5,2,2,45,44,7,6,34,0,67,5,2,18,10,132,127,54,0,26,19,19,9,4,3,14,2,12,3,4,20,29,3,6,23,2,2,14,17,22,0,5,45,28,139,21,81,57,6,98,1,4,7,0,95,37,1,16,46,430,159,3,0.0,0.0,0.0997230184500134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529277973225256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503053872697915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357773423009789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045485528514818636,0.0,0.0,0.09601117653026194,0.07857805396930985,0.0,0.031147137555713057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043477498803491,0.0,0.10418984945393606,0.10497761590266123,0.0,0.044013959270024695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039766528966187,0.0,0.2245025524106624,0.0659043072042891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057475181964283,0.0,0.05279496272124482,0.17095384183396747,0.10124362124181753,0.09243700167662622,0.0,0.0,0.04592103851660298,0.0,0.0963359460047033,0.057496264486389774,0.10334100005944287,0.0,0.19623747985252155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184279902297408,0.0,0.10678045667491752,0.0,0.05807711806147901,0.04285619913493949,0.12259641017740765,0.0,0.0562870833575707,0.0,0.045183284533465325,0.10878350378187253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057587962996131926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050318443927517775,0.058956958765193225,0.0,0.0576802205154815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02808056572668913,0.12494813403803308,0.0,0.21640960328214875,0.1110300897690096,0.0,0.0,0.0998500643092558,0.05121077722885279,0.0,0.045217612021404736,0.04290706887921092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450424380244814,0.034106418543728916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420389420543824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703870088999914,0.0,0.0,0.047949349870158434,0.0,0.0,0.05817218255199244,0.0,0.05441468179634035,0.10387021587025698,0.03886017444552335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608714617516231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058157482468591364,0.06546574049129379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894043004408747,0.0,0.09720640274547103,0.12189877500019156,0.051155172507370165,0.051711033525514934,0.1221486905157232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574331048250227,0.051132064036440286,0.0,0.043292766410111455,0.1180066599471214,0.0,0.057196852562175375,0.10849625959971476,0.0544606460979504,0.040804663749321374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044659425202020056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789071277299921,0.13095887111865326,0.0,0.04056385260872288,0.1489700043085582,0.0,0.048432240806137235,0.0,0.0567686069281089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146119077390948,0.1323894485335276,0.0,0.0,0.12054900556903647,0.12167088803113167,0.0,0.06222014429403919,0.0,0.04736572866923062,0.04610543791321954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541052548087387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39926192146516415,0.0558645404749372,0.0,0.0
bpd,keberneteka,2018/12/03,"Lamictal and bpd? I was prescribed lamictal today to help Medicate my borderline and bipolar.
Has anyone on here used/using lamictal? 
Does it help? Like at all? 
I really hate taking meds. I try to do holistic approaches... but I’m so out of control and desperate- I can’t hold down a job, I’m ruining my relationship, I’m checking out of reality more and more- so I’m finally giving in and letting my dr prescribe me something.... 
any glimmer of hope would be nice...
",1.3622904062229892,4.057519887640453,4.183370786516857,77.26368193604152,91.69662921348316,8.13171996542783,29.3180639585134,8.617729084823388,3.478553327571305,366,20,63,12,13,129,65,89,0.087,0.763,0.15,0.7012,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,1,13,15,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,3,11,11,3,9,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484319095675294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262030707365182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27490495162133605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24480972517390265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910106092568292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391054446496166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938563644103694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154976338471184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29260518600899754,0.0,0.0,0.21679256427521196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660049893941669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319710345227628,0.0,0.10663628928701252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424501117385325,0.21988528363637852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398301280967923,0.0,0.0,0.23434159686515735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803584340804972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411278786532807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689558798582594,0.0,0.0,0.1481918258171711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26255339401652605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505360709189964,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cinephile89,2018/12/03,"Accepting my limits I'm going to try to keep this short because I tend to ramble unnecessarily.

Essentially I am very ""smart"" academically, and fairly capable professionally as well. However I have not been as successful ""career-wise"" as I would have liked to be at this point in life, and other people recognize this as well (family and stuff).

Right now I am at a job that pays reasonably well, but not enough to be as independent as I'd like to be in the city I live in. It's like the easiest job I've ever had - it's stress free, no anxiety - aside from me making myself anxious thinking about how I want to be doing more, be more successful, etc.

Recently I applied for and I'm currently interviewing for another job. It involves an interview that has a mock presentation. I have no fear of public speaking and have presented to large groups of people in the past. However this sort of thing - role-playing, ""mock"" presentations where you are being judged to possibly get a job always freak me out. I've spiraled since finding out about the interview. It's next week and I'm miserable. 

I've started wondering if - because of my BPD and the anxiety I get as a result - I just have to accept that no matter how smart and capable I am, my career and life is limited. I try not to get upset or hate myself for it. I try to tell myself I'm sick. It's not my fault. And it's ok.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you think it is something I should consider? That my current job, despite not being fulfilling or at the level I want to be at, is just something I should accept since it seems to allow me to stay on a more even keel mentally?",4.141518691588781,5.561418794392528,6.021265576323987,75.71544976635515,71.33644859813084,9.711370716510904,28.639797507788163,10.02789654360092,2.9653498442367594,1287,49,244,35,24,446,160,321,0.149,0.698,0.152,-0.7888,9,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,0,2,0,4,13,24,3,4,12,1,29,3,0,7,1,49,48,23,0,6,11,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,21,12,0,3,9,0,2,1,8,9,3,0,2,2,30,16,43,35,5,30,0,1,0,0,10,16,0,6,15,173,51,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742876749598365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017771589111623,0.16076040554705995,0.11870205845858982,0.0,0.0734691605307081,0.10765923047144013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810248592061824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233518139632466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777462157470199,0.0,0.0,0.10856801779265456,0.1171836527912046,0.06939941934997831,0.09504412471806904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990530361308704,0.1182358153888352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960343947484315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646881907285427,0.0,0.05971514385128525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037373764911982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5213413972470887,0.09339329817129263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843167969055607,0.15399940164409,0.0,0.09278097468667153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701367339693043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588840339812518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117458345162969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030362522869828,0.1456881337902153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932750937243873,0.11845349738724137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803206725729092,0.10374645368036016,0.0,0.0,0.08973137200548223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565409091829137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383417585069744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177994384851085,0.0,0.0,0.0743708820912335,0.1119933434896141,0.0,0.0,0.12036023547865812,0.0,0.12028291582939254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183802810019898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980552435667284,0.13465247740382028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401206528263014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866958466417796,0.12394900864509388,0.0,0.08428285084724667,0.0,0.2834184868674051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394668366508907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464051520223129,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MollySPrentiss,2018/12/03,"How do you deal with hypersensitivity? This may be a unique situation as even friends of mine with BPD find it a bit extreme, but I'm learning Czech. I have books on grammar and such. I also use a language learning app from time to time, and I know that logically, I'm going to get questions wrong, especially with a complex language like Czech, but whenever I do get a question wrong, I immediately get infuriated with myself. It can literally ruin two solid days. I guess it's something about the bold red lettering telling me I'm wrong that does it, but it hurts a lot. I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm never going to get it right and I deserve to be in pain. Nobody else I know gets this kind of reaction. Not even close. I've self harmed over it more times than I can count. Throughout this entire process, I feel like I'm completely incapable of succeeding in anything that requires the slightest bit of effort. (In other words, I'm too stupid). Does anyone else deal with this and how can I get past it? I know this all sounds trivial but I can't handle this anymore.",2.5020530098831983,4.8432548207547175,3.932048517520215,84.85248427672957,78.62264150943396,6.490925426774483,25.66127583108716,7.62386473244151,1.4116502246181488,850,33,169,13,21,280,120,212,0.19899999999999998,0.708,0.094,-0.9826,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,3,8,16,2,0,8,0,10,1,0,4,2,38,33,12,0,0,5,0,2,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,20,10,0,1,12,1,0,2,3,9,0,1,0,4,19,7,22,30,5,15,0,2,1,0,9,7,0,5,9,100,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099117628507296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128408623041668,0.07955880311686113,0.11658278737525585,0.09363263593907772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484402722889998,0.0,0.14330405528104134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929793704699587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337977704521073,0.23460785224836406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914224714227804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010000348649425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030346612390216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506288231640055,0.16257132396312018,0.0,0.0,0.10399440321689687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790745134995981,0.0,0.3566774207626276,0.0,0.129329512912393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534335925876858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233586245583024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180565230037632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848612080693408,0.1875943233215931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676395901373575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967331238602325,0.0,0.0,0.07595016152105427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775545365050204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107174023291765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861749765252857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549230656466862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716894146090196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186991174044232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278953866857462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759470373641187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945021208198727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904105512317094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114817788198332,0.0,0.0,0.09827084782602713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373207248389124,0.0,0.0
bpd,Nummoth,2018/12/03,"DAE feel emotionally disconnected to what happened to them? I honestly feel like I could sit in therapy, tell my horrid life story, and not even flinch or show any emotional expression through the whole thing. I literally just feel nothing when I talk about it all. It's like I'm explaining what I ate for dinner yesterday.",6.780762711864405,8.204145000000004,7.162500000000005,69.98239406779663,65.10169491525424,12.001694915254236,35.08898305084746,11.698219412168324,4.6867932203389815,261,12,45,9,4,85,48,59,0.057999999999999996,0.782,0.16,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,10,8,3,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,7,3,6,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507478938712225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938119720177104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5461104592308509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033065229476634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682171965647845,0.17341693500231128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465842667068769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145783242062607,0.23718569741999215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23292018431644074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951090767825786,0.2121696562980621,0.0,0.27759983642751945,0.0,0.16126886015346828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27101590243947443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,newwaystowastetime,2018/12/03,"Managing without meds I got a new prescription of Lamotrigine from a psychiatrist when I was in group. However I can’t see her anymore and they currently aren’t sure they can renew the prescription either. My new psychiatrist can’t see me until February.

Still hopeful the doctor will sort this out, but if not, does anyone have some good self care and coping mechanism suggestions that can help me get through these next two months? The last time I dropped off my meds I wound up in IOP for suicidal ideation. ",7.097269503546097,8.14445964893617,6.8391489361702105,73.93333333333334,64.21276595744679,11.373049645390072,34.815602836879435,11.20814326018867,4.158828368794326,413,18,73,12,6,130,73,94,0.063,0.782,0.155,0.8047,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,1,12,14,6,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,12,4,11,11,2,16,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,4,10,49,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906799663632569,0.13443950704073873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603186410701212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679627632228366,0.16825658813310396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004530291668991,0.0,0.0,0.16126677692682148,0.15377571453049188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288743867669904,0.0,0.0,0.1909672836472021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672554003127742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271367831591459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346791130654058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713907208619916,0.2044811019713189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064282573337653,0.0,0.20057932252426547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354690194798254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031194263641448,0.0,0.18121200081636152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211406022252614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878196460670903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534121553828345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jayjaybinx,2018/12/03,"not even sure what i'm doing anymore. completely lost. Hey guys,

I've bounced around since I was 18. University program to university program, then dropped out finally and said i'll never go back to academia. Same thing with work. Job to job, event staffing, sales, promotions, usually quit or get fired after an outburst (i talk back to managers, start debating or questioning them) or i just get tired of it. I also have serious addiction issues to booze and pot which make me even more unstable. I had a drug induced psychosis at 19 which started everything. The issues haven't stopped since. 

I'm coasting through life with no clear goals. Turned 26 a couple weeks ago and losing hope. Not really sure how I'll survive in this world. Been seriously down the last week after I quit another job on my 3rd shift. I just couldn't take it.

I read some job descriptions and they make me want to die. My parents are extremely worried about my situation. They just want me to live a normal life. But I can't seem to be able to.

I'm staying sober but this is tough. How do you manage? What do you guys do for work? I see my psychiatrist tomorrow so I will have a talk with him.",2.172968005445881,4.835094424778767,3.2026548672566366,87.58310415248471,82.6283185840708,7.016746085772635,25.50646698434309,8.139509932561175,1.838176855003404,924,38,182,20,26,295,147,226,0.113,0.853,0.034,-0.8985,5,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,2,3,9,13,8,0,0,7,0,16,6,0,5,4,38,35,14,1,5,10,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,9,9,1,1,3,1,1,1,7,5,0,0,5,3,24,3,24,27,3,27,0,2,1,0,14,7,0,7,17,108,33,13,0.10563299174022783,0.0,0.0,0.11515555301204095,0.0,0.0,0.09363727364770053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447466533051144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107654021498482,0.0,0.0,0.10475954337469713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403575814357593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624505006255689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075418208785844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688089618894848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963036812775827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250073416334975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395391895918968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493612172148967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157157791515747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037775668663312,0.0,0.0600336635192214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209186538836258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049173954450736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205067981278995,0.4192977794566439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086104986915884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922341200964725,0.0,0.0,0.09327586699274362,0.0,0.0,0.11817629788446632,0.11531088875117786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102168448045144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147067529744073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349790389765247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729293650576413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833312599490232,0.22470737867539367,0.10566157752798436,0.0,0.0676711993961312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100481164856666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417581806741704,0.09616430838258996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747614046974672,0.11873590856487405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953515048751592,0.11259071427830733,0.0,0.08831391102709492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991156892001145,0.0,0.07942286360062599,0.1698075949083686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017786596056429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140958476456387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489836173619725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633981668519712,0.0,0.12461015076966064,0.0,0.16946482858034442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380415213949106,0.10727543065964128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Healtectu,2018/12/03,DAE feel like they are faking it? I sometimes think that my diagnosis is fake and that I've just lied about everything. Anyone else feels the same? How do you know it's not fake? ,1.5175000000000018,3.941136861111115,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,83.16666666666667,5.822222222222222,17.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,-0.030200000000000227,141,3,31,2,4,44,32,36,0.285,0.657,0.059000000000000004,-0.8638,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,7,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741146187720705,0.4016783192403363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274885238515233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35232887912644123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964415864156119,0.28006439731103155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544796388138449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915247475624035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877250457692879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511952786968049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heymisscarterr,2018/12/03,"Friend recently told me she has BPD I’ve always been confused and sometimes I’d get frustrated with her because she gets pissed at me a lot. One second she’s talking to me nonstop then she ignores me for hours. She then told me about her disorder. I’d really like to know more about this and the things I should stay clear from doing/saying. Also, this friend likes LIKE me. Or love? I guess. She tells me she loves me everyday and most of the time I don’t reply back and she gets pretty upset because of that, I don’t know what to do or say to make her feel better.  ",1.0243589743589752,3.32551143589744,2.3422222222222224,94.30000000000004,84.21367521367522,5.309401709401709,18.401709401709407,6.67199483983844,-0.006952136752136795,446,11,96,5,13,143,73,117,0.125,0.642,0.233,0.9440000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,13,2,2,3,0,6,3,1,1,1,18,18,9,0,1,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,2,23,8,12,14,3,9,0,0,0,2,20,1,1,6,10,64,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341718316578985,0.1396045550311918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901075806217227,0.0,0.20455155731388952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838581387205416,0.0,0.0,0.21131024310338872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922878737701712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483348774314785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25924939638211103,0.0,0.2629708989847813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184826142319713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522731902048382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844125624505657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24590324852263995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263867047564405,0.3028519974940901,0.0,0.11199297230829204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369056721390346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706903215067912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074827433520041,0.0,0.16566031887360394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684725272473786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659365164758357,0.0,0.0,0.17882879207969204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485342587115948,0.1466451765828604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146410324244832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783257392390196,0.0,0.0,0.32063772134115004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tattedprincess97,2018/12/03,"Anyone else a complete karma whore? I feel such validation when I get karma, I want my posts to do well to know that people like me and find me funny or think I’m cool or whatever.

Is this just me? Is this a BPD thing?",0.10574468085106403,2.068952765957448,2.637702127659576,92.89400000000002,85.17021276595744,5.4621276595744686,15.782978723404256,6.742157984588678,-0.3654476595744685,168,3,39,2,5,58,36,47,0.084,0.687,0.22899999999999998,0.6531,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,9,9,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,3,2,9,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858218421039288,0.3203029621799145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937177557023653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32776264385505643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611431567129425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580635652683164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857172671063992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633243308397247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180071146819534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272406061401853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167224333813569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993912322428738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076822965393187,0.2003060359452833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438379344918016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810713658972981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,katvalentinova,2018/12/03,"Obsessing over a guy Please, I need help. I can’t stop thinking about him. And not in a ‘oh my I’m in love’ kind of way. In the obsessive way. You all know what I mean.

We talked a bit because he needed help with a work project - my supervisor is helpful so I knew more about it. Nothing meaningful or even remotely not work related ever happened, yet all my brain can focus on is him. I want his attention. I want him. 

I want this to stop please. I know I do not actually want him, that this isn’t me. But I can’t stop my thoughts from going out of control. I’m terrified of meeting him in person because I know I won’t be able to handle it and I’ll break down.",-0.2801752190237785,1.8577803900709249,2.2900959532749283,93.41647058823533,89.0709219858156,5.870838548185233,21.76929495202336,7.285733465282438,0.7580176053400085,509,19,118,9,17,175,85,141,0.12300000000000001,0.745,0.132,-0.2173,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,3,6,4,0,2,5,0,9,2,1,1,3,32,27,5,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,4,9,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,25,2,17,23,4,17,0,0,0,1,17,8,0,1,5,76,31,3,0.1455431723071949,0.0,0.14202914131681302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774435339111614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889544880831735,0.0,0.0,0.1624743143118482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323904352965588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961298926585527,0.1316521318557246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271553886590087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441106228490767,0.1287033466075445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926635614373316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515608171711692,0.23996016365175216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313583953920759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853918208555307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583683618989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965259914981745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708268419678534,0.0,0.31952539479786685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36504182712200345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698208882314168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325818803872657,0.0,0.11554502148180612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433805356814017,0.2310507914008213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211914325700908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,WTFever_,2018/12/03,"Is it possible to stop having an FP? Hi, I hope everyone's coping well today. I had a question; I just learned about Favorite People and how we interact with them. I recently lost my friend group (They cut me out of their lives because I was being very toxic. We were all sick with various mental illnesses and just not good for one another.) and I think they were collectively all my FPs.

My problem is that I don't want any more FPs. Like, I want it to stop. I don't like the feeling that comes with it. I don't think I currently have one (No one comes to mind) but I think it's time to never have one again.

Does anyone know how to avoid this? I don't think it's as simple as ""cut off all contact with someone when you know you're starting to turn them into an FP."" Or maybe it is?

Thank you for your time. I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts.",0.9695480225988716,3.0155297118644064,2.7116666666666696,93.13552259887008,82.38983050847456,6.193220338983053,21.132768361581928,7.3871296695380915,0.5936531073446334,657,20,148,10,18,217,104,177,0.14300000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.106,0.3536,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,3,5,1,8,13,2,1,4,0,15,3,0,2,4,42,34,10,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,9,13,0,3,10,0,0,2,7,5,1,4,6,2,27,8,20,27,5,16,0,1,0,1,18,3,0,3,13,99,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935532903982542,0.144255640158154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619314303732117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386226726006996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701121227427946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038968607906887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629107950472251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695602489185904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062873460945884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538838903499347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505300078076706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366394718016742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512113210129401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344209040728058,0.0,0.12147809372950034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017546771060622,0.0,0.12416358734987175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820899299060965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863964499515494,0.0,0.1389079277958535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610356836198716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728878472632938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953747081856544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550911176217851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163727974796738,0.0,0.0,0.15411148707984468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583519107065967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656382679205815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737376672248227,0.0,0.0,0.23003175220451805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665729007971188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526008715948644,0.0,0.10921634909423143,0.16043801511727168,0.0,0.13040163049407905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963821196582006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135108379694724,0.16228638835403825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369323785981505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Berriesyay,2018/12/03,"Barely functional anymore Everyday I just think about how lonely I am. I have no interest in doing anything else. I have lost the will to live. I don't want to learn new things; everything in life just seems meaningless and boring. All I think about is wanting to find someone to talk to. Nothing sates me more than the thrill of knowing someone could potentially be my new friend and we could have an awesome friendship together. But, of course, it dies away as fast as it comes when I realise that person doesn't give me the same amount of attention I give back or the connection isn't there at all. I'm so messed up. Does anyone feel the same way too?",3.6277666428060114,5.711498677165357,3.9646957766642816,87.20140300644239,74.03937007874016,7.452827487473158,26.50608446671439,8.296473431620573,1.7407543307086617,520,19,102,9,11,162,89,127,0.122,0.76,0.11800000000000001,0.3454,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,6,0,13,1,0,1,2,25,25,9,1,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,12,3,18,20,6,13,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,2,6,71,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457686383978127,0.12308596420992927,0.0,0.14485968647806569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653882575069759,0.13535806865336214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163634678214755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810951342444505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269386475740815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540471609938317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470525027323288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820659255806271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900728303997235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089044695137114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600221454757033,0.0,0.0,0.3377326837721199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674281689243568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433690736383993,0.0,0.0,0.1554398559498001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216018585301267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34002642513459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890785898584534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537047232384532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025330800371754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983034041653707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414881948714141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694812096062435,0.22558893956025985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765696969641415,0.1397263449806294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,spiritboxx,2018/12/03,FP ghosted me. FP left me on read after me confessing my love to her. We met and became friends 3 years ago. I got attached and told her I liked her back then and she rejected me and ended up dating a guy shortly afterwards and dissapeared with him for 2 years. We started talking again a few months ago when she randomly texted me and she told me shes not seeing anyone. I had forgotten about her but all the old feelings came back to haunt me. Weve been texting for the past few months and she confronted me about avoiding hanging out with her and i told her i cant see her as just a friend. Its been a week and she never responded and I just want to die. I want to delete her on facebook and instagram but i feel if i do that she will hate me for real. I like her a lot and my feelings are overwhelming I cant just be a normal person and let it go. Why do I have to be like this?,1.0288179669030733,2.8841239148936166,2.9195035460992886,92.73388888888887,81.12765957446808,6.305437352245864,22.14657210401891,7.3871296695380915,0.6875345153664307,688,22,157,10,18,230,106,188,0.11900000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.105,-0.6808,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,3,0,0,0,9,11,2,2,8,0,15,1,0,0,2,39,32,19,2,4,7,0,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,19,0,1,4,1,0,3,4,5,0,0,10,5,43,6,18,18,4,29,1,2,2,1,32,6,0,3,23,116,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551723341345244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063991743341293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213481438060131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646187459774226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937767748577666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748016486621555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183275487245024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224015017583076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179931692843859,0.0,0.115114786971981,0.0,0.0,0.1425143409909637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210208650021766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638147698709884,0.147179222041363,0.0,0.21095228194118631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236500823259233,0.1299033671691058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976873781437385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100847755019194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102184251411734,0.0,0.0,0.15103139621735098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739844702688472,0.0,0.12567501709179973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396997219073718,0.1638250140157614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293887801001065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018751184721028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568630380451672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41259677982930576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978849228557266,0.0,0.11545278439344935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298753606883726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185373718938756
bpd,hueglabyrd234,2018/12/03,"Romance is hard TL:DR 
1) Does anyone have advice on how to recognize a healthy vs unhealthy crush on someone?
2) As someone with BPD, is it okay to date someone who is also depressed and anxious? 

Every time I start a new romance, it consumes me. I think ‘they are the one!’ and when they aren’t, I feel completely heartbroken and shattered. 

I truly can’t distinguish between love and lust. When I have a crush on someone’s amazing personality, I’ll want to fuck them wildly even if I’m not particular attracted. If I am super turned on by someone physically, I also feel like I could be with them regardless of a total personality clash. 

I find myself loving my closest friends so deeply that maybe i like them as more than friends too, which is hard. 

The worst part is, maybe i don’t even know what love is. I definitely never got enough of it from my mom. She’s never had any healthy romantic relationships that I saw. 

Sometimes when anything goes slightly wrong with a romantic interest, I run away terrified.  Particularly if I date someone who is emotionally available, I run away terrified. 

The flip side is the typical person I fall for. This typical person either hides all their flaws, or shows them completely, up front. I can handle secrecy but I can’t handle liars, ever. 

I’m not sure if anyone relates but I appreciate the space to vent ❤️
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bpd,memesrdanks,2018/12/03,"Struggling at work The other day I had a realization that kind of broke me. I realized that I literally have to work twice as hard to be where a normal person is so easily at, when it comes to working. Whether it be relationships at work or even simple things, it’s like it takes me so much more mentally. Just thinking about this broke my heart a little bit. The thought and feeling that I will not be able to excel at certain things at life really bummed me out. Has anybody else had these thoughts? ",4.650306122448979,5.9052152551020445,5.161836734693877,82.99030612244898,69.91836734693878,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.064779591836735,397,14,79,7,7,127,70,98,0.1,0.782,0.11800000000000001,0.2096,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,5,7,7,0,1,5,0,9,2,1,0,1,14,15,7,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,2,8,4,13,7,3,11,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,1,3,60,20,5,0.18427245081268687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117779014112508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873439977724674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884048629468184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539359873295647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217102158469053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317368789853292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507192113015884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183637414502923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918914009126917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015708159280107,0.09002621150605883,0.18468940582412824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570328907620787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354614540072625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054787705054945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608995963298698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180496505563823,0.0,0.0,0.19783965013324656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926415754279633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854995002167994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448448565228438,0.11807434588532062,0.0,0.29258348502555503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366101554637317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPD_ADD_Alcohol,2018/12/03,"Problem I was hit on the forehead with an entire swingset when I was 3 or 4. I've done well in school sometimes, but lose interest in things super quickly. I'm passionate and self assured about things for like 6 weeks and then can't give less of a shit about them. I start really great careers then just stop going, was the same with classes. I drink a lot and can't always stop. I get mean and vitriolic sometimes with or without booze. I'm cruel, estrange people and get in minor trouble with the law. I have been doing badly. I have urges I can't control and don't understand why I do the things I do. I'm mean to my parents and blame them, then feel like shit, then get depressed, I've cut my wrists and throat. 

I've been in treatment and hospitals for my entire adult life. I get certain I'm ready and start moving on, but I ALWAYS end up in my own patterns. Things have been this way for so long, I'm 27 and so exhausted by this. I can't seem to get better, stop flaking and lying. I'm a bad person, I hate myself and I know my family would be better off without me. I spend my money and have been homeless but also started successful businesses and worked in great jobs. I'm confused by my directionless-ness, my only joy is writing, playing games and meeting someone who doesn't know me so I can shape the relationship before they learn how I really get sometimes. I don't have really close friends. I'm sorry for how I am and hold hatred for myself and who I've become. 

This life is torture and I just don't see it improving.

Does this ever get better?",2.4813072776280336,4.355336694968557,3.867587601078167,87.56221698113207,76.70440251572326,6.429649595687332,24.250224618149147,7.310402129719878,1.058694159928122,1231,41,248,15,28,405,160,318,0.212,0.5920000000000001,0.196,-0.6086,2,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,3,8,14,31,6,1,9,0,30,11,5,3,3,58,60,35,0,2,9,1,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,3,11,24,2,5,8,3,2,2,10,14,1,0,8,2,36,17,28,49,4,31,0,2,1,1,15,12,2,5,18,158,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555958501196301,0.1572381045051587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778198289744866,0.0,0.10435121036847134,0.08039973823484484,0.0,0.0,0.2506927954838298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597291214180106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137975397518385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268442153818366,0.0966909142532069,0.0,0.09255928587973763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836856262127834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546705188145086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907200737683138,0.0,0.04777443260470205,0.06750007129819857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299884246635405,0.0,0.34555142775728426,0.09063857916003468,0.05369797778437353,0.0,0.0,0.20833999464809452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328433256572756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376173935766507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038529214186007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347503705878086,0.09232115356293803,0.0,0.0,0.08361621260949939,0.0,0.10570449721776168,0.0,0.08032773060203904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058436321471472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042255506611024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186006653648515,0.0,0.0,0.10491436186855156,0.0,0.0,0.06550397158212189,0.08250061894465557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040934222282276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158844632154936,0.0,0.0,0.10144148251512372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562381957454108,0.07529227675932862,0.08601555514806491,0.09856841529628436,0.0,0.19397489867442125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005679642895955,0.0,0.28034411176289864,0.10576817241408293,0.20063081406711036,0.0,0.0,0.2369809614000509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510864249421371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983621711724574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499775999656783,0.07579013229324592,0.0,0.08495332244579988,0.0,0.08525797640930075,0.0,0.0,0.18216025136375236,0.0,0.06878617312840205,0.0,0.0,0.06711940169021874,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,aneternalepiphany,2018/12/03,"Scared of Relationships Because of BPD Stereotypes I am a 20 year old female and I’m gay. I was diagnosed with BPD just over a year ago. I have never been in a relationship before and since getting my BPD diagnosis I’ve been extremely cautious and almost scared of getting in a relationship because of all of the negative BPD stereotypes. I’ve never been in a relationship before so I don’t know what it’s like and I don’t know what I’d be like in a relationship but I’m scared of getting into one because I don’t want to become the BPD stereotype. So rather than getting in a relationship and seeing how it turns out I’ve been avoiding relationships entirely so that it isn’t even a possibility. I feel like it’s really getting in the way of my ability to connect with people and I feel like I’m missing out on experiences I should be having as a 20 year old. 

Does anyone else have any similar experiences? Or any advice? It would be appreciated! ",3.2400500625782205,5.418464106382982,5.544217772215268,75.01029411764708,75.48936170212768,8.466082603254067,28.612015018773466,9.168548406835145,2.7537693366708376,764,33,141,19,17,268,89,188,0.11199999999999999,0.784,0.10400000000000001,0.2002,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,4,12,0,18,2,0,1,3,28,34,13,0,4,4,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,3,11,4,24,24,1,20,0,1,1,1,7,11,0,2,12,93,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785296413425828,0.07062297655093652,0.0,0.07977836785020655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835716811821423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570737559065558,0.081631709745298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569895543369776,0.08798966500578655,0.13558723485538732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017102142348069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086374916712487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972007824971241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655437160393067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262152842874455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586582009308525,0.0,0.0,0.08056746646034788,0.11383305743025098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081224019708656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756950430405261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556916751854959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228934027440346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720130400798106,0.0,0.053986705041511984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055233403577280425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981637222082735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051038879518296235,0.0,0.0,0.5987531359602755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23929181890383236,0.0,0.06348697045470929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590415389705788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665848535024864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046991648800693814,0.06323863187576607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565955454590065,0.0,0.0,0.15391531981915255
bpd,neurodegenerative,2018/12/03,"why am I so FUCKING annoying? I hate myself so much. Literally every time a conversation is going well I get so attached that I fucking spam the person a million messages a minute and scare them away. Why do I do this to myself. I always know how it will end. It's not like it EVER ends well, so why do I keep doing it? And how can I make myself stop when I seemingly can't listen to any rational thoughts ever? Ughhhh this is mostly just a rant but any advice would be appreciated, or if you just relate you can say that too.",1.403257575757575,3.5617763796296344,4.081683501683504,83.28621212121213,81.5,6.519865319865321,20.929292929292927,7.686295010490155,0.9791,411,12,82,7,11,145,72,108,0.141,0.787,0.07200000000000001,-0.65,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,14,8,4,1,5,0,13,2,0,3,2,20,24,12,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,8,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,1,2,15,3,3,20,2,9,0,0,0,2,8,1,2,4,8,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572512105706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111564663655474,0.0,0.0,0.23065923055701956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593389794213487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004195781771079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30681464471546643,0.1428901104220483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135735131804306,0.08860577280481577,0.0,0.09638407791755864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743878912175747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507427822720704,0.0,0.0,0.09320432987412623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285497541621184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320519378829245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467097364039012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808278472867387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486781506887793,0.16979300273189055,0.0,0.0,0.1543918469854511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178802995946588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134638551669757,0.09889152204457348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304970428601662,0.0,0.4590961399510339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047458599404748,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ladypalpatine,2018/12/03,"How do I let people in? I just can't seem to do it. I just can't seem to find it in me to let anyone really get close to me and I feel like I reject their kindness but don't know why or how not to. How do I stop this? 5 years of DBT and so many symptoms are gone but I still don't know how to be loved by people. I still can't take compliments. I still want people close but can't let them be.

I just want this to stop. my life is full of loving supportive people that have seen me through the worst of this condition. I have not experienced the same amount of abandonment as other people with BPD by far and I am very lucky but it's a reflex I don't even know I'm doing it. It wasn't until my FP who is my best friend of 16 years told me I need to let someone else in after she moved to CO from NJ that I realized I don't know how.",-0.2125906432748544,1.2948441736842111,2.251929824561405,97.7179532163743,83.57894736842105,5.695906432748537,15.818713450292401,6.691623216298621,-0.5887426900584796,643,10,167,7,18,221,97,190,0.10300000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,13,12,0,0,3,0,25,4,0,5,0,38,44,16,0,3,10,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,12,6,0,3,9,0,0,2,11,3,0,0,4,3,26,9,25,34,5,18,0,2,1,2,8,7,0,4,10,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386183437463621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586512414510145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105482333036066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001908926632877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921640276250631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064309668731819,0.08568209242812955,0.0,0.0,0.10961906259014903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266202904759806,0.0,0.06266145629254832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489458173734615,0.2636541100115045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49056954166867206,0.08471413616435461,0.05859452783172325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164933147814024,0.0,0.0,0.12159598136886544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747267491068595,0.0,0.08893080640032437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41574158660620003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683388448025076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836992479295533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162113460329228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873424295433834,0.2005432413908977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610161802116355,0.0,0.12465912123740792,0.09017672483177662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460370694509915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895951824579406,0.14148237381248638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822331998235908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544693250105057
bpd,frankrizzo24,2018/12/03,"Dealing with my sister who has BPD... It’s like she is doing everything in her power to be mean, malicious, and manipulative to push me away. She’s in charge of our mother’s estate and she’s continuously holding things over my head. 

I want to have a normal relationship. I’ve overlooked countless things over the last 30+ years but I’m getting to the end of the rope. 

She’s aware she has BPD and apparently is not trying to get help. She’s continued to spiral and push away everyone in her life. I’m still here and don’t want to leave her. She’s just pushing and pushing so hard it seems it’s what she wants. 

I want to outright say “you are dictating our relationship. If you want to have a great relationship, I’d love it. If you want to push me away, I’ll go away. It’s up to you”. 

I’m not angry. I want her to get help. I want to have a nice relationship with her. I’m just disappointed and getting apathetic to her attempts to manipulate me. I’m getting too old for this. 

I hope this post doesn’t offend anyone. It’s not my intention and just my experience dealing with her my whole life. 
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bpd,bonetrinkets,2018/12/03,"BF/FP broke up with me, feeling empty and lost and alone. Hi, I hope it's okay to post this here. I guess I just thought other people with BPD might understand just how extra awful this feels for someone who has it and I need to talk about it to someone. My FP and boyfriend of 1 1/4 years just broke up with me completely out of the blue and I'm feeling so lost. He said he still wants to be friends but I've literally never been able to stay friends with an ex, it hurts too much and it always ends up awkward with us drifting apart. I can't stand thinking about that happening to us...

I didn't tell him this because I know it sounds guilt trippy but he and the thought of a future with him have been the only things keeping me motivated to make progress or even be alive really for a long time. He always told me he wanted a future together too, and even just last night I asked for an unrelated reason if he still wanted to be with me and he said absolutely yes.

I don't know what changed in a day and suddenly being abandoned with no warning by the person my world revolves around is really messing me up. I have no idea where to go or what to do from here. I feel just hollow and purposeless now, like he took my heart and soul with him after I foolishly gave it all to him.

I guess I just want to ask... how do I make myself go on? Is it even possible? I don't think I'll ever be able to trust or let myself get close to another person again tbh, this has happened too many times but never with someone I loved as much as him. What kind of life is that when you know everything you could ever want or hope for will always be taken away? Idk what I'm asking for here exactly. Just... I guess if anyone's ever dealt with something similar, how do you keep living when you don't feel like you can exist without someone who is gone now?",4.018421052631581,4.534205052631581,4.932736842105263,86.77015789473684,70.84210526315789,7.974736842105262,25.989473684210523,7.9765259561132025,1.297571578947368,1440,41,312,18,25,470,191,380,0.107,0.779,0.114,0.7123,0,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,2,5,0,4,34,19,0,2,10,3,29,3,1,7,7,87,77,29,0,11,17,1,5,2,2,2,1,3,0,2,22,26,0,3,16,0,0,5,10,9,0,0,14,9,41,10,51,53,4,45,1,6,1,1,38,13,0,12,26,213,63,1,0.1605330607264321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313191833729887,0.0,0.0,0.20036454983963814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416645565353982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612422431974954,0.0,0.0,0.07145422951591864,0.22511511211342075,0.0,0.07541304748884779,0.0,0.0,0.048929731902416784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109288512936936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491134616216829,0.0,0.08415792995118547,0.0,0.0,0.06408629314800861,0.0,0.0,0.05176527179989457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109232153339122,0.0,0.0,0.15904585887968128,0.21781701617734875,0.0,0.0,0.0721383818747032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292584745515055,0.05734242532949264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402744449776655,0.0,0.04193594923591152,0.0,0.09123463789666754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26526789757119323,0.0,0.14195885543180922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511622494868677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944555140180644,0.0,0.0,0.08592698086569016,0.09061114270441596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268916042224347,0.0,0.08358523962681348,0.13233715780952165,0.06542793527711947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207796552020243,0.05669462415885379,0.07842834463282533,0.0,0.07087681686172613,0.07103335353103785,0.0,0.0,0.17524079931234332,0.0,0.07244367746737765,0.0,0.10715706459453928,0.08137766345819804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515010430075902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801027080463335,0.05951661521081144,0.12381299298149814,0.0,0.0,0.07532470134199219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104631328960899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564670565515797,0.14017127657751358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048845271672423,0.07687314836963892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284158938530308,0.08252736158514029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527037024518435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27203828280806697,0.061793096541474773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555344156549441,0.12820190966513692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645151966638215,0.07015648542798658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053325516168299225,0.10286310327260764,0.0,0.12744531849989588,0.0936081186822595,0.0,0.0,0.07669810950864363,0.08917906862220032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356028885933846,0.19310150613946755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23671639621158386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737407095232468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168901391234043
bpd,SadMonkie,2018/12/03,"Is my FP a sociopath? Is it me? Why does he keep hurting me? Please, help... I went to the suicide community and got annoyed. Then I came here and I can really relate to a lot of the posts. I just recently learned what a FP is. My best-friend is actually my FP and he is also the reason I cannot keep going. This has happened so often, but I always look past it in fear of losing him. I can't look past it anymore and I'm starting to wonder if my FP is a sociopath. I'll skip a lot of the details, because there's just too many to entail. A few days ago I was over my FP house. I was there for a few days while he went to work and ran errands. When he brought me back home, I found out that he had brought his hoe, prostitute, sugar baby or whatever you want to call her to my house and had sex with her there. He forgot to hide the evidence this time, so he couldn't even lie his way out of it. He left the condom for me to find and she left her license. I confronted him over the phone, because he had left before I found everything. He didn't deny it, he couldn't. I sent him a text saying 'fuck you' and that if I died that day it was his fault. He later replied 'I don't think so'. Then in the we hours of the night I got another text asking if I was OK and that he had to work in the morning so he wouldn't be back here to later in the evening. Two days went by and he never came. I got one phone call. I never answered it, called him or responded to his texts. At this point, I'm just tired. I cut up her licence and left it next to the condom. Today he came by and called me a dumbass. I was in the back, 'sleeping' because I just couldn't face him. So he walked around the house, singing and getting his drugs. He left my medicine, my credit card, candy and food behind with a note on how to heat it up. Then he went back home. So not only has he completely destroyed me emotionally once again, but has showed absolutely no remorse whatsoever and has gone so far as to make me feel as though I'm the one in the wrong. I'm so confused. What did I do to deserve this treatment time and time again? He was right about one thing. I am a dumbass. I feel like I'm dying inside. I haven't eaten in days. I'm dreading Christmas and my birthday. I don't know if I will spend them in the Hospital or not. What did I do to deserve being treated so wrong? I feel unbelievably worthless and I want to die. He knows I've been struggling with depression for some time now, but he does not know about my BPD. I can't really fool myself into thinking he doesn't know or understand how much I'm hurting. It's really dawning on me that he just doesn't care. I mean, he honestly could care less and I don't know what to do anymore. I have nobody in my life. Not family, friends or associates. It's always just been me and my FP for over half my life. I just can't...",1.1090490430621998,2.7598084934210507,3.0054832535885185,93.20411004784692,80.01973684210526,6.132344497607657,21.745334928229667,7.056908132695986,0.43369828947368383,2196,65,512,26,55,736,246,608,0.172,0.7879999999999999,0.04,-0.9981,1,0,1,0,0,2,74.0,1,2,1,3,40,26,5,4,28,1,49,13,2,4,2,93,103,52,4,11,23,0,3,1,1,2,4,1,2,0,25,31,3,3,19,2,2,14,22,18,0,5,34,7,78,8,59,61,7,79,0,5,2,4,57,29,1,15,35,331,103,4,0.0,0.0,0.06126176714812375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055648450449569016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050203130065228384,0.1044717888595161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582766405879632,0.0,0.0,0.12451678763181227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588526901401243,0.05868847178960144,0.0,0.0,0.19308803604389546,0.0,0.1148057119365153,0.0,0.05341901381770663,0.0,0.06588109480886846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790660415643953,0.0,0.256411314256593,0.21540214756428844,0.12801165459395974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582099599767757,0.0,0.0,0.05012271151688002,0.0,0.0,0.20243141376789275,0.0,0.05407015367865771,0.0,0.19545934661059147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987399595147043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280194915513115,0.0,0.0,0.07061621818149995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292787023032228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642035334528675,0.0,0.059181023437358274,0.07064212097867308,0.09522654419554896,0.04484824603336733,0.0,0.0,0.057377481684563685,0.0,0.07591078101341725,0.137664538541095,0.09700345448877896,0.05803677097780549,0.03279864355523944,0.0,0.035677890005905065,0.0,0.15062666273482025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551392043882124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042078423219550035,0.0,0.1259418669981754,0.0,0.061823174690378624,0.21731035837700208,0.13440918679757616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159902177384963,0.0,0.0,0.17250431301358013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410395920413211,0.0,0.08868318486479558,0.0306699069307904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543454875483152,0.0702319450465838,0.0,0.10674234133552514,0.0,0.0,0.04190445703625991,0.06364651392791243,0.0,0.06838308227967453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614867289881101,0.0,0.09683572920843776,0.0,0.06676456482160345,0.058912414652229524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685597001493895,0.12761894048481187,0.04774510429425936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198564209110918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891082404826887,0.059345012427263866,0.0,0.06012347492508165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206505883744616,0.06454570757319217,0.061985190425543076,0.0,0.0,0.0536116270349006,0.0,0.049923173778556096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282281963563921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443422521933778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562865514982645,0.0,0.06866837664478025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04170656987789029,0.0804505518700633,0.061678557806330275,0.0,0.14642421952890106,0.07215348117986878,0.05950571302080431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061324478466355886,0.06535357323742992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405557136048754,0.049829843548139685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327814208303459,0.05664691353316235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807950185073876,0.09140550985577127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727464425389446,0.0,0.0
bpd,anastasia9876,2018/12/03,"Sadness is so comforting It's like I rather feel sad and lonely, because it's so familiar. Joy and normal emotions feel distant and uncomfortable. Not even real.  I don't ever see myself enjoying things like most people do. I want to so badly, experience some semblance of a normal life, or even something bearable. 

Sorry for the ramble. Have you overcome this or how do you live with it?",2.7837500000000013,5.735146541666667,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,83.58333333333334,5.977777777777778,26.055555555555557,7.3871296695380915,1.9227388888888888,309,13,49,5,9,102,55,72,0.183,0.614,0.203,0.4156,0,2,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,8,9,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,18,9,9,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,6,5,4,9,2,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,4,3,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968218734051692,0.14369675378518004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651607088037249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113904060018937,0.21322821474055587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305858573944974,0.0,0.0,0.23838091405501036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650067621350972,0.2303282296939317,0.0,0.2081509157247948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619240574535558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634231509265773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26830848979643185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187843588888642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147386127218035,0.0,0.2638766411588475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566062855726632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390376622997641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pearsareyellow,2018/12/03,"Dating/and Sites I apologise if this is an inappropriate or weird question to ask here, but I was just wondering, are there any dating sites specifically for those with emotional issues? I don't believe that there are, but I thought I'd ask anyway. 


As a 25/F with BPD and AvPD, it's incredibly difficult to date. I've had two strongly emotional romantic relationships (mostly on my side, of course) and I find myself increasingly desperate for companionship now that a good few years have passed. 

It's embarrassing and almost mentally torturous having to declare my personality type to a possible love interest. If I don't push them away, they eventually cut off contact with me when they discover how emotionally charged and unregulated I am. It's a disheartening exercise, especially for people like us, but there's still a part of me that wants to try as I am finding myself becoming less interested, which worries me as I think I will remain a loner for my unforeseeable future. Honestly, at this point, I may as well declare a life of celibacy lol 

Anyway, if this is an okay question to ask, then I’d also like to know of any dating tips you may have to offer, such as: what is appropriate to say about myself and when? 

Thanks! 

",8.479999999999997,8.121325070175441,9.26122807017544,62.50526315789475,61.45614035087719,13.038596491228073,37.85964912280701,12.311054993355176,4.955001754385965,988,43,169,31,12,337,141,228,0.12,0.6729999999999999,0.207,0.9727,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,3,1,17,17,2,1,9,2,17,3,0,1,0,30,27,22,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,12,8,0,0,8,1,0,3,2,6,1,1,3,1,25,11,30,21,5,21,0,1,0,1,17,8,0,11,12,126,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266112583528322,0.0,0.0,0.10594544002839364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180183980974338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715570698638472,0.0,0.12447076827228673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631545287381867,0.0,0.14926132896529573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668558624523886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470717044132194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24217145571975174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111923057988328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382763084382085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280838993613996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357562995985083,0.12944757751919614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956976267492317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351023277617471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346459806842546,0.0,0.0918460191619176,0.11567777106402198,0.0,0.0,0.12523787753727494,0.1493530311327993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296819290243156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223559460385887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535463838033557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579992933155034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197120298405822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488882174604095,0.0,0.10517554478045857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994626964441745,0.0,0.12941521469255562,0.0,0.15935898113167768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814104503192261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911681525208592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367057932680607,0.0,0.13454143512736794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531376846768284
bpd,UnluckyMule,2019/03/16,"DBT Therapy? I’m an 18 year old male and I haven’t seen my therapist or psychiatrist in around a year and have been off meds since. My therapist told me I can’t be diagnosed with BPD then (I was 17) but that I fit the criteria for it. My father had it and he was an angry drunk who killed himself when I was 10 and I had been trying to not be like him as much as I could and since she told me that, I had been noticing similarities between me and him and I hate it. I started going to therapy back then to vent because I had no one else to talk to and she started talking to me about DBT therapy and she said it would help me cope and help with my black and white thinking, self harm, anger issues and coming to irrational conclusions about everything. But she also said it would change our visits and that most of our time together would be learning techniques and coping methods. But all I wanted was to vent. My only coping methods now are self destructive (drinking, self harm, drugs, sex with strangers) What are your thoughts and experiences with DBT therapy? Is it worth finding a therapist and trying it? 
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bpd,LaughingFox2,2019/03/16,"What Future? For a very long time (since my grandpa died of cancer when I was 12), I’ve felt like I will not live passed my thirties. I’m 24. It’s seeming more and more likely despite how hard I’ve worked to get where I am or to even make it as long and as far as I have today. I just feel miserable and I have no idea how to change to make my life easier on myself, despite “knowing” what I “need” to do to make things “better”. I guess maybe I don’t want to. I guess because I know I’ve tried and it just feels fake and horrible. I guess because I just want and need to be loved for who I am, psychopathic Borderline or not. I think every other neurotypical just needs to learn how to love like me, and then maybe their loving would help me heal. I need my fp to be selfless when I’m selfish to help me learn to be even more selfless again. I know I’m selfish and I feel like that’s because I’m the only one who truly cares about myself and my emotional well being. I feel so hopeless and helpless. I’m in so much pain, physically and emotionally, and I just want it to stop. I so desperately want it to stop.",3.1503457446808523,3.7024954893617017,4.599401595744684,88.24718750000002,72.82978723404256,7.57712765957447,24.90026595744681,7.645422480735847,0.9875159574468082,860,24,197,10,16,288,116,235,0.172,0.649,0.179,-0.6096,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,2,19,17,0,1,2,0,13,7,0,6,0,54,47,26,1,9,9,1,6,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,12,12,0,2,13,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,2,6,32,10,24,39,4,16,0,3,0,3,9,4,0,6,15,124,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466628780970768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414322703255083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085292411668705,0.0,0.11260622057824884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047460032138223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394758382780555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061374108832514,0.0,0.08968571777451688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529007627245705,0.07604535891837666,0.10220527665849616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561387215318071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35178826783856665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953551031736946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269761158861455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016507549808104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550054093521142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518626947027758,0.20801741756499614,0.0,0.0939941578381387,0.1884035017146529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882162076012033,0.0,0.21316147837071728,0.0,0.21387951527683227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825038222421984,0.31571474972023944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213086346587576,0.08095731525266228,0.1132665185524762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969048422912197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805359621276138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798798252992645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071828568856056,0.06820658145235713,0.0,0.0,0.06206977592910794,0.0,0.10089877987634703,0.0,0.0,0.07227014630019596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782946202794238,0.2511394759930546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570813441306464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749427702175674,0.0,0.0,0.0756164977866564,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Browbish,2019/03/16,"I need help with abandonment Please help me with any tips on dealing with abandonment issues?
I can’t seem to let go of people that are bad for me, yet I end up pushing away people that I want in my life because I’m so scared of losing them that I get obsessive; calls texts worries etc

I know this isn’t therapy, but I’m currently waiting for that. I feel like I’m spiralling",4.425000000000002,4.8420043205128245,5.319641025641027,84.7086923076923,69.8974358974359,8.804102564102564,29.70256410256411,8.841846274778883,2.161653333333333,299,11,63,5,5,98,55,78,0.183,0.6920000000000001,0.125,-0.5503,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,15,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,0,1,11,1,12,14,1,9,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391343942884094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883028750448375,0.0,0.17669948731043442,0.12900569577318222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160945616848715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181778752868812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743847650415846,0.0,0.23601975485378465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700483785001612,0.15118618454125562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056623649352963,0.0,0.12027235264590312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28369788434280474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088333303835708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163045211713733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640267865555127,0.14947822421750778,0.10339013493753488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367561887839319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569185453672239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934306688966162,0.0,0.0,0.2323026089738327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187528420248025,0.0,0.0,0.1926570349323609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420136193630338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482293365146073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491722593951795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tralabala,2019/03/16,"Help?! I have big issue , soon im gonna get diagnosed woth BPD ,currently I am in waiting list for Dialectical behavioural therapy and emotion regulation course. My mental health cause me so much problems .. I keep splitting up with my bf every week and then coming back together because of my unability to regulate emotions. My family thinks that I am just a joke , because I said to them that I am suicidal. At the moment I take Prozac because without them I allways try to hurt myself , or kill myself. Once almost bought lethal injection ,I had three more plans how to kill myself. Cannot work anymore , was studying in university had to apply for intercallation as I am not able to sleep and concentrate . My whole life I was dreaming to study in uni and have such a good job . Now I dont even feel that I want to study or work . i dont feel like anymore wasting myself for someone to make money . I feel like I would l rather die than go with Society made rules . For me money doesnt have value ,as it was made just to gain control of people . I am very kind person ,but after this realisation I dont even want to have kids anymore because I dont want my kids to go trough this world nonsense and materialism , and thats what makes me angry. I am thinking to live on benefits as I keep getting flashbacks and I am dissociated as well. My personality changes several times a day. As a complete different person with different values and different attitude but still me... Sometimes I feel I am getting crazy as I am waiting for the help for so long .. ",4.995204538191113,6.245252687919464,6.139587727708534,76.31958612975393,69.1006711409396,9.031895174177054,31.97571108980505,9.362217197678863,2.958755001597956,1223,53,225,25,21,409,166,298,0.111,0.8029999999999999,0.085,-0.8254,5,0,0,0,0,4,32.0,0,0,2,5,14,11,2,0,6,0,25,5,1,7,0,44,52,22,5,6,9,0,4,2,1,2,4,1,0,5,8,12,0,5,6,2,3,3,8,4,1,1,9,5,42,7,39,41,3,23,0,1,0,0,11,8,0,3,14,152,50,3,0.08624507952057353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636198906392895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565958324206667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631714256027067,0.0,0.21029679991141936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086226585040262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859745396816765,0.09123585844332403,0.07429249934573841,0.09042632499601708,0.0,0.09673119025028673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556209414133586,0.0,0.0,0.08753694026872036,0.08950877620033851,0.27032325530862844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404314363513106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940282123805989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392812325324345,0.0,0.07266519921586181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813041853564824,0.0,0.17443241432117146,0.12322700408415885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517848324534246,0.0,0.09803013242035884,0.07233828083177439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167448652863217,0.0,0.0,0.11561651766877667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232714138993613,0.0,0.09315948561216998,0.09001745584436252,0.08558493359008634,0.1533171787998435,0.1908348044358085,0.08981097857026997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060917450235399226,0.08426997889302998,0.0,0.07615598529977091,0.07632418140132885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321435912229912,0.11513852056800157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691475509754777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340005693365705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184819495451199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597914788713281,0.2259176304287109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252489344878088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203882054855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743239117236327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630736468556202,0.0,0.0730751760019204,0.0,0.0852985889268203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887543191244093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433811885266674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484556646689253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862876476498636,0.0,0.0,0.110524729066208,0.0,0.0,0.05029019943300364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058554747718765274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711612229198863,0.15260874730258106,0.0,0.0691806005684027,0.0,0.07754468410665834,0.0,0.0,0.09628955129536804,0.0,0.08313717899499308,0.0,0.12557489012983414,0.0,0.0,0.06126602999919808,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gunpowdertee,2019/03/16,"Obsessing over FP - Help I need help with how to deal with obsessing less over your FP, I dont even know this guy but he dictates my mood entirely, We went out on a date once but we live in different countries, so there is not much I can do to change the situation im in right now, because we are so far away from each other. At the same time I dont want to stop looking at his pics or trying to get in contact with him and obsessively checking if he looked at my instagram storys.

How can i help myself here? Has anyone dealt with this before and overcome it, If so how? ",4.683025210084033,4.446445873949582,5.715630252100841,84.36319327731093,69.25210084033614,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.9110974789915969,445,14,99,7,7,148,82,119,0.054000000000000006,0.862,0.084,0.6817,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,1,0,0,10,4,0,3,3,0,8,0,0,3,0,25,15,13,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,14,0,20,14,4,18,0,0,2,0,14,13,0,3,4,71,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992823455148106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745820853852777,0.0,0.0,0.11327290060953595,0.0,0.1581173934841811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965707577068111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157015226693672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941402135389493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355545184949909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273100672317795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970822120840463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398898961214835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736495748931706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007152778174028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212068845586034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408065852292236,0.0,0.31208056534298806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365975773423092,0.13778165907050993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978900575306905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868751819590346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088671667791375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553521306769285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835194381289368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615819396886582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960024417954303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722551058263749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trekclimber,2019/03/16,What do you do for a living? I'm still struggling to accept my bpd and what it means for my life and future. I was hoping you guys could share what kind of jobs or careers you have. ,2.09846153846154,3.181174230769233,3.0953846153846136,96.02461538461542,75.92307692307692,5.2,18.128205128205128,3.1291,-0.8031948717948718,141,2,33,0,3,45,30,39,0.066,0.755,0.179,0.5859,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,4,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,24,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895032088289815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691962041799764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30621685905302165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071658001699833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068936695148029,0.0,0.0,0.32204758033881503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184400811685925,0.0,0.0,0.2730829925755686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33687572376892394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697611077511414,0.0,0.0,0.3233065835371136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,avarianz,2019/03/16,"I refuse to believe that I ""recovered"" and I miss my label (trigger warning) First post on this subreddit. I've been lurking for quite a while and I feel the need to vent to someone. I had my BPD diagnoses for a year after many misdiagnoses. I still feel like the person I was a year before now. The usual mood swings, paranoia and dissociating are still present in me. 

I received another referral to a psychotherapist the other day and I noticed that it's missing the BPD diagnosis and there was only STPD (schizotypal personality disorder) and OCD. I felt extremely light headed and wanted to kill myself for real after fantasizing about suicide and self-harm for months. It could be due to the fact that he asked me to stop bringing up my old problems because they are already written in my file, and he is only giving me 15 minutes to recap my problems for the past two months (the 15 minutes included side talk and him trying to figure out his computer). Nonetheless, he is a professor of psychiatry and the type of doctor that all consultants look up to. 

Just because I stopped mentioning my previous problems to him does not mean they do not exist. I still have severe mood swings throughout the day and I'm dissociating really hard. I feel betrayed and neglected. He is focusing heavily on taking me off of my antidepressants and he looked infuriated because I didn't try again to reduce my dosage (he told me to try and if I felt uncomfortable I can go back to my previous dose)

The referral that I got the other day was because my first one got ""lost"" in the psychology center. I have been waiting for eight months trying to set an appointment. They say they'll give me a call each time go there but they never do. Did my psychiatrist remove this diagnoses because it's feared and stigmatized? I guess I'll never know, whenever I ask him about my diagnosis he just replies that it should not matter to me and disorders are ""man-made.""

I really feel the need to vent to someone",5.5043779167907845,7.058678911528151,6.532898421209418,72.8306573329362,68.19571045576407,9.922708767748984,32.31347433224109,10.168813456921066,3.5414322112997723,1586,69,276,41,27,529,193,373,0.109,0.8809999999999999,0.01,-0.9769,0,1,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,5,4,12,12,1,1,21,0,23,5,1,1,4,56,54,20,2,9,7,0,7,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,14,19,0,5,9,0,0,5,6,9,0,5,15,11,50,1,40,35,2,47,0,4,2,0,30,11,0,2,30,189,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534073239786453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059430725926353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153820804380492,0.0,0.0,0.06643360779832704,0.0,0.2633326502619873,0.0,0.0735170937702669,0.09733931702655838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762684019474546,0.0,0.08822052901560197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898060857471484,0.0,0.0,0.1671558663977685,0.0,0.0,0.1753813428373387,0.0,0.0,0.1980358441776708,0.08843052159287518,0.07560619605261898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722012933151916,0.17473875008707385,0.06172170681245679,0.16590845806573773,0.0,0.0,0.1469777088475918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575887110100335,0.09820229156757568,0.0,0.1381984140998575,0.0,0.09517553136017004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739433155250841,0.0,0.08866777741568801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955849729248889,0.0,0.0474812799759743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220898632555619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451026713800068,0.0,0.09431203140246328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759253303620458,0.0,0.09411116216803532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068826864749441,0.0,0.0,0.12812388221822052,0.13326867861737188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836303561147333,0.09065863728525796,0.0,0.05854453276693367,0.13141692661906695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247527523775247,0.0,0.15087625587394446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274400495196713,0.0,0.0,0.24800946753665404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189335709539603,0.0,0.09833817931824793,0.11069567413120976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870599784024628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013043561108222,0.09760350057476216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640701920753826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698916994740926,0.1444627552569557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450379413730342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495944734359953,0.0694422677546627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503785183777402,0.0,0.0,0.082555598249651,0.0,0.2346303229903553,0.0,0.08439686754998489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515358491640333,0.0,0.05095891888325195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127308075271128
bpd,uglygutz,2019/03/16,FP Do you ever start craving a new fp? I’m like subconsciously searching for someone to latch onto and I hate how empty I feel without it. ,1.7402380952380982,4.128544928571428,4.064285714285717,82.54738095238098,81.85714285714286,5.161904761904762,27.190476190476193,6.42735559955562,1.356961904761905,110,5,20,1,3,38,25,28,0.19,0.7240000000000001,0.086,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904098898710446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182315940618209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42611889847558587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085956869829134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168451515756269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365696071049832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054910334855342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160501743551956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zula8989,2019/03/16,"A favour... Okay I've posted the exact same thing like 10 times on as many subreddits as possible, it's just to reach out to as many people as possible.

​

I just wanna start off by saying that I HATE MYSELF so much right now for doing this. None of you could imagine, but I REALLY need to reach out to some of you, so here I am, slowly regretting it, but doing it anyway.

I'm only 18 years old, I'm a university student studying Mechatronic Engineering. I've suffered from depression. Or at least I think that I have. I've been so lonely for as long as I can remember. And I still get this feeling of emptiness from time to time.

But being the little boy that I am, I've always looked up to superheroes. Especially to how they went through the most horrible things, but instead of hurting others, or themselves, they chose to help people out. I figured that it does make things a bit easier. And it was true. Even the tiniest of gestures. Seeing somebody happy made ME happy.

Now I don't know what I'm doing here. I think this may even be a huge mistake. But at least I'll go down trying, right?

So I thought long and hard and came up with an idea.  I want to do what I can to make sure that NOBODY feels this way, because it's dark, and lonely out there and because nobody should go through any of it. So I went online and built a website. I called it Alleviate. Which is a word that means to make problems less severe. It's just a community. It came to mind that people may not be able to afford therapists. So I thought that one approach could be to have all of us help each other out under one platform. You can follow a certain topic ranging from ADHD, postpartum depression, anxiety, and many more. There is a full disclaimer that the site doesn't offer a cure, or any of that, It's just a place for ranting and helping each other feel even just a LITTLE better.

Here's a link to the website: [https://alleviate.mn.co](https://alleviate.mn.co/)

I promise, all I want to do is help and all I ask from you is for any of you to just check it out, and if you want to join, you can sign up. I want a place for us and ONLY us. And while there is this subreddit and many more, it still doesn't feel like ours. And if I see that this idea helps people and actually benefits them, I'll turn it into a real thing from scratch.

All I ask for you to do is check it out and if you feel like you could maybe benefit from it, please sign up. The number of members that I get there would be an indicator of whether this should be built or not. All I want to do is help. I'm not making any money from this whatsoever. Its ALL free and I'm not planning or going to allow any advertising or anything. It's just something that I wanted to do that was ""good"". I'm just an 18 year old kid in his first year of university. If you hate  on me after this, I understand.  I feel like a dipshit for posting something like this here, because I'm the type that hates the people that do this and here I am doing it. I deserve whatever comes my way.

Thanks anyway though.",3.130664428637907,4.677482506514662,4.383257993751247,85.9551907864123,74.09771986970684,7.031788871900552,24.256996609718804,7.6729893032291185,1.087072764741075,2385,72,494,31,49,785,250,614,0.10300000000000001,0.737,0.161,0.9808,1,4,2,0,0,0,93.0,4,11,3,3,35,31,3,0,28,1,46,0,0,7,10,124,100,50,0,21,28,0,8,5,0,5,0,2,0,2,56,33,0,0,19,0,4,10,8,12,0,3,10,13,54,20,80,76,20,63,0,7,3,0,32,31,0,14,23,361,110,2,0.06234091722307111,0.0,0.0608357424242951,0.0,0.07492166782588977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518726371563501,0.06754635776543745,0.07575103797945562,0.21196980736414972,0.0,0.047690631041055316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051301263084192576,0.0,0.11656068439668085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400733353513084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513547520290432,0.06806013545159177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365704661715275,0.14260280298669548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370118014562118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932244902805833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073882813103806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054554956769937185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235267636239359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912864529777432,0.13360909116139874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302715234307197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514111244516797,0.0,0.10628933971461747,0.05228860362192789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272613121720922,0.05584521682782143,0.18464624783347686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507148163469285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673724125281573,0.14075061476464573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034260937749966774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228311596915892,0.12496395320821845,0.0,0.11033949997631738,0.05235066950616982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898848321678834,0.1664521853262227,0.25281562108130456,0.06262983053936358,0.06790753472205494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294655499747072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458277471968273,0.04622500020201334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308326115091553,0.0,0.08448763781194367,0.09482615347492884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609671274482956,0.0,0.13026597982049734,0.06843160648484167,0.0,0.14056003454815502,0.11941073215704175,0.0,0.0,0.05965183845770545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095761196354372,0.03993718790351716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062010657821999,0.1064776053670361,0.0,0.049575999556986,0.0,0.0,0.09935527944205176,0.0,0.0,0.0704274918254698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598616755993968,0.0,0.0,0.04412522207742976,0.0,0.09957107404678052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058755576708294024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739514081262664,0.0,0.07238260982176076,0.16566614125625378,0.07989108508126769,0.061249634649542174,0.0989834494541818,0.10905447049544688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232539062918455,0.06780901629367507,0.0,0.0648990933997463,0.22496534275401384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062172905382504,0.0989666367216569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558130966542066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428519894697409,0.0,0.07575103797945562,0.1204365202931992
bpd,meowactually,2019/03/16,"Honest question and advice on BPD I want to preface this with I have never been diagnosed with BPD. I am also not asking anyone to diagnose me. 

I have PTSD and major depressive disorder from childhood abuse. I have had 2 professional (psychiatrist and therapist) suspect I have BPD, but I lost my insurance and could not continue seeing them. 

After researching (and I mean reading the list for years), I have strongly suspected for a long time that I may have BPD. My best friend sees it. My family sees it. My brother who is about to he a licensed social worker actually shuts his mouth on it, and I think he is being ethical, but I think he sees it.

My question is, I now have insurance where I can resume care. How do you suggest I approaxy ky concern with having BPD. 2 professionals seekng strong indicators with me and me not seeing them after 2 sessions really has made me afraid. Idc what my diagnosis is, even though I may freak out at first, I just want to approach my care honestly and find true help. What do you guys suggest?",3.695515873015872,6.0513742091836775,5.092380952380953,77.9470634920635,74.76530612244899,8.43718820861678,27.725623582766442,9.150863307647796,2.6847038548752846,819,33,145,20,18,273,117,196,0.078,0.7090000000000001,0.213,0.9864,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,2,2,6,8,13,0,1,3,0,23,3,1,2,2,36,38,13,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,9,13,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,5,33,9,18,30,2,17,0,2,5,0,19,6,0,4,10,109,42,6,0.0,0.12004364589073632,0.09887042134700312,0.0,0.0,0.09900544381557784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810228769680463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084294741357171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471737764305277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632555843198818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6380237795630455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065981250006998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089308940021313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726386987140361,0.20566850508289988,0.0,0.0,0.11611764217881305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691868234274953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551230719236092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926015695281247,0.08617987857246072,0.0,0.0,0.07827698141837026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003193983260434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791040524957906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966203434972338,0.0,0.0,0.11059907625331802,0.0,0.0,0.09586825043718636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036351827153053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814163542763365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843372532421476,0.0,0.22699563878038376,0.0,0.101344053424825,0.0,0.0649060311929107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036812057364613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327955099575252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763642303172132,0.0,0.12983921834575582,0.09954308016683017,0.0,0.059078545045985975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951835352383737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524459159719306
bpd,RScape07,2019/03/16,"My BPD friend doesnt want to talk to me anymore after group chat leaked... Sooooo... 7 month ago, I talked shit about her in a group chat at work. But I realize she is a really cool person, I love the way she work, look and smile! 7 months later, that is now. We were really good friends. I left my job for a better job and that when the group chat spread about the workplace. She said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. 

How can I make it up to her? I already made a sorry formal letter and thinking to buy a small present and leave it at her door. 

Or should I just say fuck it and move on?",1.2308441558441563,2.7556438015873046,2.3629870129870127,98.52292207792208,79.23809523809524,5.534199134199136,17.803751803751805,6.1124844417494595,-0.5563079365079364,453,8,111,3,11,144,80,126,0.091,0.735,0.17300000000000001,0.9305,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,6,8,2,0,8,1,7,3,1,3,0,17,16,9,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,5,6,0,0,2,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,4,19,6,15,12,0,17,0,0,1,2,24,7,2,1,8,65,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736097651214413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100007990144894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30735352742231603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704781747971756,0.0,0.0,0.19516426046898536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394404359148369,0.14325623572120091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299714744286777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30754394159441995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407821847746906,0.1683623928919729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012574885805372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398557051812441,0.14662506945934412,0.10343571280440622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473721009387046,0.16469590166305625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530340684824566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854021093722585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740060649051506,0.12322887421676705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906222868036213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346286908875502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736482729657877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099290872221388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279656515251852,0.1229985006576736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256226362269966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,denna84,2019/03/16,"I’m about to fuck everything up and I can’t stop myself. I introduced my FP to a few old friends and now they’re all bonding over stuff that I don’t know anything about. We have plans Monday and right now my only plan for Monday is to stay home, drink, and turn off my phone. I’ve already played it out in my head. My friend realizes how unstable I am, never speaks to me again. Contact fades between me and old friends. I’ve already thrown it all away before it has happened and I’m already ready for it.
",2.2564761904761887,3.950578647619047,3.2323809523809537,92.66761904761907,76.80952380952381,6.19047619047619,25.0,6.937597516519254,0.8327142857142857,398,14,87,4,9,127,70,105,0.076,0.7909999999999999,0.133,0.7269,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,1,0,6,3,1,1,3,15,12,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,6,8,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,13,4,15,12,3,18,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,10,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5594520803285771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906389354343712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587711225563587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437975494665843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554529631683412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187679388423694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39168241928465264,0.1562279954107939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494367857038087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734318980136447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951016646792905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287216558665544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303350583043476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546519376932295,0.0,0.0,0.12852406860167934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443160410419227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801202365933047,0.0,0.14128272167596684,0.0,0.0,0.19345245513928166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381196205000302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DrivingAStruggleBus,2019/03/16,"Scared to be diagnosed New to Reddit and new to (possibly) BPD.  Any help is appreciated.

​

I am a man in my mid 30s.  From what I understand this is a somewhat unique demographic for diagnosis of BPD.  Last week my ex of several years who I broke up with in November talked to me and shared that she was pretty confident that I had some degree BPD.  She threw out a couple things that were frustrating to hear, and immediately I wrote her off and got irritated that she was looking to diagnose me with something to help her get over our relationship.  But something about it resonated with me.  In researching it I have found several typical presentations that explain some of my past behavior, as well as some less traditional symptoms that are just right on.

​

I have done a lot of reading, research, and following this sub looking for answers and guidance.  I know that I need to see a professional to get and official diagnosis, but everything I have read just plucks away at nerves that make me think that seeking help and a diagnosis is the right thing to do.  Today I told her that I wanted to seek a professional.  She is such a supportive person and she kicked right into gear.  Texted me an address, told me to rush in and get some help at a walk in clinic for mental health, and walked me through getting dressed and out the door despite my resistance.  I drove almost a half hour to this place and by the time I got there I was so frustrated with her that I was speeding through traffic, tailgating, and stewing about the audacity she had to tell me how to get help.  I sat outside this clinic until they were closed and texted her back letting her know that I was going to have no part of healing if it was going to be her way.

​

I've had an evening full of drinking and self destructive thoughts. Despite myself and my poor coping I find myself wanting to get help but on my own time frame and with people who I feel most comfortable, as this is obviously very sensitive and not something I want to take to a run-of-the-mill couch person.  What are some ways that I can find the right person to see or motivate myself to follow through when I want to bail and just go back to life as I have known it?  I would appreciate any help, motivation, insight, or encouragement for getting myself on the right path.  Thanks for any and all replies.",8.506006060606062,7.35661660666667,8.251717171717171,72.33363636363639,61.82222222222222,11.826262626262624,37.78787878787878,10.927859429317179,3.976466666666667,1883,78,355,41,22,605,220,450,0.065,0.8140000000000001,0.121,0.9771,0,0,4,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,1,2,14,11,3,1,19,0,31,9,0,4,2,75,73,35,0,7,10,1,1,0,0,1,8,1,3,5,28,30,1,0,15,3,1,10,2,5,1,1,22,6,58,6,69,47,13,54,0,1,4,0,40,26,0,12,16,260,86,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950410517300674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561717132522086,0.25302230170905304,0.14160357397781806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521299525004516,0.10674403638087394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262258457545951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680086295196405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089941116239402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103054542476943,0.0,0.06799539140718043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045844661213714666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238124716066744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03509578983175584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687899505047825,0.0,0.0,0.07610450036917991,0.0,0.0,0.25384708144998896,0.0,0.11834193563139365,0.0,0.11102706168869067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377960167928495,0.07823013305420395,0.0,0.3256684962690753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835488457535159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629185957432673,0.05657842740114737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097644444608706,0.04902634728454887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657386484088772,0.0,0.0,0.05900991382142751,0.0,0.0,0.046331724927611985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994897112564558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051466647672809916,0.0,0.13407325272930318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516428380934895,0.06625971456515525,0.04812016583877112,0.18181844716580264,0.0725186939737741,0.0,0.0,0.07824936444946515,0.0,0.07061494003470395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885759948138293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452038164493277,0.0,0.2963788737977689,0.0,0.0,0.06949153509616449,0.0,0.1106215930585314,0.0,0.07240978487198503,0.15682712352279368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030566508430905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876566406991482,0.0,0.07214358366488813,0.0521876941530584,0.0557891419812426,0.06066741370784315,0.0639034175754554,0.0,0.0,0.09222586139629922,0.04447513585837688,0.0,0.05510379985110176,0.08094707749205587,0.0,0.06579257965126935,0.1326484903508052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225827495278292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727053273868335,0.16375930410754638,0.11018888050312306,0.05567652841203888,0.0,0.06240794055550403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930688418309485,0.0,0.25302230170905304,0.04469777486771707
bpd,union_jane,2019/03/16,"Going through a crisis, friends ignoring me I'm going through a mental health crisis at the moment, and I feel my friends are ignoring me, which is making me feel awful.

I try not to be too intense for my friends, but I don't have any family, I'm completely alone and my mental health nurse isn't very helpful.  Now I am alone for the weekend while mental health services are shut.

Today I called my friend, tying to get her to talk to my mental health nurse (she has done stuff like this for me before) but she didn't answer.  I've now called 3 times and sent two messages over the course of like 5 hours, and I feel awful, I feel like I just need her to acknowledge me, to not think I'm ""too much trouble"" and I will keep on sliding down unless one of my friends shows me some attention.

Last night I saw a friend of like 9 years on a bus and I called to her twice but I feel like she was deliberately trying to not see me, you know?  She had to walk past me to get off the bus.

So the friend I called is showing as online, she's just not reading any of my messages, which sucks because the more she ignores me, the worse I feel, then the more I plead with people to talk to me, then the more they ignore me.",4.538180610889775,4.404339577689246,5.03958565737052,88.73512881806109,69.55776892430279,7.808871181938912,26.29508632138113,7.0316486544052195,0.9537296679946884,938,24,211,7,15,300,123,251,0.151,0.7020000000000001,0.147,-0.0225,0,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,0,7,18,1,0,13,2,15,4,0,1,0,36,37,15,0,1,10,0,6,5,7,1,4,0,0,0,4,7,0,5,11,4,0,5,7,6,0,3,6,8,44,12,30,29,5,26,0,0,2,0,28,7,1,1,19,137,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189720353122596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943277506032228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053530470489509735,0.0,0.07472306633128277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35867078543737435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207108664921272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986399406265053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278302469142762,0.0,0.26640774023665115,0.12546837628373386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749130068372955,0.0,0.09175816035532623,0.0,0.0998131994936895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733678038147209,0.0,0.0,0.05885973148212668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647889305789458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805293013243092,0.0,0.0,0.048260161700976544,0.0715799580820594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450690738922634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058616385794432985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539825796540506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455323862559788,0.06511281158318559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824072919581946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950489581304433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382819758272128,0.06087902424751969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783755228632616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997622024697467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005257787141998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116279394398373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626752998744455,0.0,0.0,0.05120492632876776,0.0,0.08323720382254579,0.0,0.0,0.11923959645987355,0.0,0.08578131164701387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245557222202027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948975275377563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056549200788278416
bpd,empquix,2019/05/28,"Today I learned that I might have BPD, and I’m terrified My friend talks to her therapist about me a lot. Her therapist said I sound like I have BPD, and that I should go get a diagnosis. 

It all suddenly made sense: I’m reckless and impulsive, I go insane when someone tries to leave, I’ve attempted to take my own life in the past. 

I’ve been to a bunch of therapists, but none of them gave me this diagnosis. It was always depression and anxiety. The idea that I might have BPD is new and terrifyingly accurate. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go to a therapist and get a diagnosis because I’m really scared. I don’t want to add a new label to all the things that are wrong with me.",2.734081504702196,3.89257055862069,4.931598746081509,83.18373040752353,74.44827586206897,9.686520376175553,26.285266457680247,10.018931242160765,2.412379310344828,541,19,122,16,11,189,79,145,0.165,0.7859999999999999,0.049,-0.9523,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,9,0,14,1,0,1,2,21,29,8,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,5,2,18,2,14,21,6,10,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,3,7,78,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268336167008446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440496153498064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522692055122486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662751751688349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062890796903767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534287590224963,0.0,0.1289486861567821,0.0,0.21040277321343895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930992401256376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782050142413902,0.0,0.0,0.13066873323036887,0.0,0.0,0.08716503895393281,0.06028975248039546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491504510950997,0.0,0.11676938148068855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618277224137138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837183359799896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780462794070815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905680016272232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738700423632728,0.0,0.12355055391888765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456118137182807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278566823192456,0.09918876284577044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5731337452962022,0.08198521046765765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697409833324465,0.0,0.0,0.08378431543213187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557566402771585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492467294696728,0.0,0.0
bpd,enoofofk,2019/05/28,"Whole family having BPD? Is this common? I'm now trying to figure out why my whole family is messed up, including myself. I don't want to play armchair psychiatrist, but it just seems obvious. 

I myself have struggled with substance abuse consistently and addicted to numbing myself, isolation, etc. My brother has all of the telltale signs of BPD, so does my sister and my mother. My father is just a shell of a man who had to deal with my mom, and now is an alcoholic. 

I know I can't help someone if they don't want help, but I do have to focus on myself first. Not sure if I have BPD, as I am pretty empathetic but I also don't like myself, don't have anything going for me, and have always been addicted to something. I guess I have to figure this all out. But it is so depressing to see the people I love suffer so much. Makes me so sad. 

We had a pretty rough childhood filled with rocky times, abuse, and invalidation. But I know things can get better, I always have hope. It's easy to hate each other, as we all abuse each other. All of our relationships have been so rocky and traumatic, but we always come back together for a little while. Then something else happens. 

I just want to vent and hope someone can relate and help me navigate this. As I am trying to get clean and live a different life, I just cant take the emotions I feel when Im sober. The worthlessness, the depression, the fear. But I know that I can do it, and get treatment for what is ailing me. I guess I just care too much for my family, even though it seems like they don't care about me. 

Thanks for reading.",3.333974763406939,4.86586237223975,4.654253627760255,84.2783646687697,73.54258675078864,7.721842271293376,23.40555205047319,8.364918446050245,1.33919694637224,1240,34,250,21,25,411,152,317,0.22399999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.13,-0.987,1,1,3,0,3,0,43.0,4,0,2,2,19,21,1,2,12,0,34,6,0,1,6,59,62,32,0,7,15,5,2,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,14,21,1,0,8,2,0,3,8,10,0,1,4,3,44,11,31,58,11,18,0,5,1,1,19,5,0,8,12,187,58,1,0.0,0.3146924563858253,0.0,0.1930287337552219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946151748390674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080004939683528,0.22100039785026804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285536378685227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807664418574894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783005107861817,0.0,0.0,0.3345137827719997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805312030713465,0.0,0.0,0.07626360015486736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127394658593124,0.1525072060793636,0.0,0.0,0.0924984569414765,0.0,0.0,0.07747608894788538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395821323935507,0.09958804817492307,0.0,0.0,0.09873803413578412,0.05847541080658367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25038395278996656,0.0996245781545676,0.044765097476159484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530638121317024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876498820948055,0.0,0.05031551561647518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950588263478007,0.0,0.07828970632257025,0.0,0.0,0.08740830633940952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802601781687516,0.0,0.0,0.17586708987920746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563115824514512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459667618332958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253368924346209,0.08650579845818314,0.0887336268532659,0.07817652742133573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990476137041523,0.0,0.05909666636841136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368913295385657,0.0,0.0,0.13016432706841222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613778440282442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801403922852549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855726008572683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505163338075318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054957902318645,0.16119478560966202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002795848667852,0.13631452201495492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255422959521484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344158911962661,0.0,0.06656602478579346,0.0,0.0,0.08150956939674224,0.0,0.0,0.058817591725667674,0.0,0.08698351942876767,0.0,0.051624480197099865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021660077449538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566577055142087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988753432535414,0.1976885393209691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nothankjew18,2019/05/28,Please read! Advice needed [https://www.reddit.com/user/nothankjew18/comments/bu5zu9/messy\_divorce\_and\_custody\_dispute\_coming\_up\_soon/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/user/nothankjew18/comments/bu5zu9/messy_divorce_and_custody_dispute_coming_up_soon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x),282.202,349.85071820000013,96.305,-590.9425,-433.0,9.0,22.5,7.1686216300943375,4.699000000000002,321,1,2,1,2,47,5,5,0.0,0.575,0.425,0.4501,0,0,0,0,2,0,46.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33704024499017265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7474156564977344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557450173151609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786055664442777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450014794966838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Brutaloid,2019/05/28,"I'm done. My so left me few months ago. Since then, I've been drinning and trying to compensate my emotions without any succes. Alcohol is the only way to mimic some kind of happiness. I waste all my money to this constant drinking habit. There is one girl that makes me feel safe and happy, but she isn't always around so most of the time I feel lonely and isolated. Feels like I cannot be alone at all, that I need some people around me all the time.",3.3158850931677013,4.6365454021739145,4.157453416149071,88.66456521739131,73.23913043478261,6.9962732919254655,22.92546583850932,7.447530270364453,0.8023770186335399,355,9,74,4,7,114,66,92,0.084,0.792,0.12300000000000001,0.4046,0,3,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,3,19,13,7,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,2,1,3,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,3,11,5,9,10,7,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,7,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509733640508378,0.19904213516764396,0.0,0.19289643369314147,0.0,0.0,0.15497299503255074,0.0,0.0,0.126654813421892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315998553043797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012675832393516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059604694946455,0.0,0.18245182738623533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950357888817345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28251727900301105,0.1330553843410056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965282507580444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394830476520966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023586561703969,0.0,0.0,0.09099121181557587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432177687422676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866112633633954,0.0,0.0,0.13810029949112235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262062523973629,0.14164975810977312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912069494294207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406601077748952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720504734738788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644995341102333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478347443067685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953612337521413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,worm_mom,2019/05/28,"How can I help myself to have an appetite again? For months now I’ve gone through periods where I have absolutely no appetite for anything. I can eat a few bites of something, but then it fills me up for the entire day, or two. I’ve always been underweight, and I have been vegan for over 5 years so I am well aware of how dangerous this is for my body and unhealthy. I am hypokalemic as well. 

But I just can’t get up the appetite for anything. I will feel my stomach aching and grumbling, but I will mentally be disgusted by the thought of eating. Anyone else struggle with eating, and what has been your solutions to crave food again?",4.429804444444444,5.6823934560000025,4.836266666666667,85.12657777777778,70.44,8.115555555555558,29.88888888888889,8.515128840125781,2.144822222222222,502,20,100,8,9,159,83,125,0.17,0.755,0.075,-0.94,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,10,5,2,1,5,0,16,6,2,2,0,14,20,13,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,2,1,5,1,14,2,18,12,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,8,78,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803481527620106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280165722914247,0.19460307044947864,0.3125881420105776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096653028439932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248746357326355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5830294505670993,0.15865997547241772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603300237394684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296609713663347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992292298647682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730433571033234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914021522913875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515982422252391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621539496521033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855336080011227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078114404270124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855314766242208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415350919441046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223070214563928
bpd,somebunnyelse,2019/05/28,"BPD in academia- Anyone else pursued a PhD? I've recently been learning a lot more about BPD. While the pattern has been there since my teens, I was always very functional and excelled when I was deeply motivated and interested in something. I've come to realize that I got a lot of my validation from good academic performance.. that is, until I started a PhD program in a very competitive, Ivy-league university. 

Doing well academically was always ""my thing."" So when I suddenly did terribly in a required course, I lost my confidence and perhaps my just barely there sense of ""identity"". I got a serious case of imposter syndrome. This coupled with a few traumatic life events just led me to crash hard with depression and anxiety. All my impulsive behaviors took over: I was drinking too much, engaging in risky casual sex, I self harmed for the first time in ages, etc.. I ended up taking a leave of absence to recover from the depression. I continued the program last semester, but my advisor was not satisfied with my performance. I was able to pass the courses I needed, but she had expected me to publish a first-author paper concurrently that semester. 

I'm seriously considering whether this program is worth it. All the stress, the lack of structure or job security as a research assistant, coupled with constant comparisons of your performance to others (how many papers you've published and whether those are in top-tier journals). Sometimes it feels like the worst goal I could have undertaken for my health. I read recently ""I hate you--  don't leave me"" and the authors mention:

"" The work can provide a sanctuary from the anarchy of their social relationships. For this reason, borderlines frequently function best in highly structured work environments. ... But a highly competitive or unstructured job, or a highly critical supervisor, can trigger the intense uncontrollable anger and the hypersensitivity to rejection to which the borderline is susceptible."" 

I'm not sure if I quitting is the best decision here, or if I'm just running away because it's hard.

​

***tl;dr****: I think the PhD program has brought out the worst in my symptoms. Everything from personal to work life feels chaotic and uncertain now when at least I used to have a handle on work life. Anyone else with BPD deal with this?*",6.068232804232802,8.747657770370374,6.637425044091714,68.08555555555557,68.82716049382717,10.554497354497355,36.75661375661376,10.608840637214634,4.899891005291005,1867,102,284,60,35,608,230,405,0.179,0.727,0.09300000000000001,-0.9887,3,0,2,0,0,0,75.0,0,2,1,16,15,26,2,3,32,0,24,7,0,6,3,55,41,27,0,6,16,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,14,16,1,2,8,3,1,6,3,15,1,1,15,4,36,11,48,25,14,43,0,4,0,1,10,18,0,9,20,205,50,26,0.08817513092611799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673754498599142,0.09553771751926826,0.10714243532425832,0.0,0.0,0.06745373381253375,0.0,0.0,0.1233082034349055,0.18069168337739505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284343805290502,0.0,0.0,0.053750741400585285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506871986737566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33316047205397104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595506773318421,0.0,0.09528599174198983,0.0,0.07040066716880107,0.19512821050391105,0.0,0.0,0.09090468822782134,0.15189022212476086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637805968465896,0.0,0.0,0.1473180150061922,0.0,0.07809699423511103,0.0,0.09833857902584588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924612211113137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916799112498443,0.06299233115184293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500034426429389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739571163800764,0.14104341430624198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579751958980889,0.08705468683580156,0.0,0.09372604091945336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794856009221914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500042359654366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187450028274067,0.0,0.18672946433384915,0.0,0.0,0.1868421078646094,0.043077915072601856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625357140168984,0.14992668628172875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893957431250387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481886679129323,0.06538074231868939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699112325133861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378510543132744,0.08819899236880305,0.0,0.0,0.09065872013936724,0.17412460852497175,0.0946670919930879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198589183744506,0.0,0.0,0.07293937947874611,0.0,0.0,0.08988344182310383,0.0,0.06788152363406177,0.08720745911819043,0.0,0.062410811504414535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100431456319828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310401738805494,0.09164772268687646,0.0662967249260009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058579638967394536,0.05649906354171685,0.0,0.0,0.051415627928638886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796581484273734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615500246813213,0.0,0.14550743492159096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928003211009843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567701818998191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714243532425832,0.0
bpd,thr0w1me2away3,2019/05/28,"I feel nothing, attempt to do things/talk to others, attempt emotion/talking and such. What is this effect? Messaging to my ex (only friend/and bestie) made me confuse her to the point of thinking I am gaslighting her/being sociopathic. How do I explain to her? I have been in this state where I feel nothing - everything around me is just there, but I cannot think of a purpose/how to use things and what to say to others. I attempt to do things: but fail at it - and forcing myself to act natural - but even winding up pretending to do this to everyone in general - but I did it to my ex while texting/dming - said things that were either made up about my thoughts/what happened in the past or right now - on either the negative or positive side.

​

What is this state? And what can I do to make up w/ my only friend and bestie?",3.202532865907102,5.141288521472394,4.008382997370728,87.06167177914112,74.8282208588957,6.865731814198071,28.20727432077125,7.7094869923839395,1.7206427695004378,651,27,128,9,14,208,89,163,0.068,0.84,0.091,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,1,4,0,15,0,0,6,0,28,26,13,0,0,9,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,16,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,4,18,1,26,20,2,19,0,1,0,0,9,13,0,3,3,101,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498189931499853,0.2074511690057748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198262328391218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276312598398745,0.0,0.0,0.16313631765413578,0.15343781034447368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264871701666842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638054668236393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097272332984468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230907490540028,0.11396114611279586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276330222869772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25969012326973223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297759310169066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139155857423612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457993467516439,0.16239982882067733,0.13576842426259286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27444670237359936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402689479740839,0.21878906791671526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745272720224162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074511690057748,0.0
bpd,DailyDabs,2019/05/28,"how to pick a therapist Hello,  


How did you pick your therapist ? 

I am a 26m with a wife and a two year old

  
I want to go and get help now that i know why my life has been a roller coaster.

 I do not know if I should have a male or female therapist. 

​

i am unsure if my past issues will bring up any pro or con on a male or female younger or older.  


My biological sister handed me to her aunt at infancy

and my father passed away at age 6.   


should i take this into consideration when picking gender/",1.725752855659394,3.196730775700935,4.155077881619938,86.44815160955349,77.69158878504672,6.9985462097611615,22.16926272066459,7.793537801064563,0.8724483904465208,391,11,87,6,9,137,74,107,0.021,0.937,0.042,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,0,10,2,1,5,0,23,17,12,0,5,7,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,1,15,0,10,12,0,16,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,6,7,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025778269190806,0.235797248128168,0.13196359705666325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232042849532445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138537678350996,0.0,0.11028554626038717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007052518452636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254230093652387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329436678936686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706631032981645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203627373182974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852468132337263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590470386593626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.675936092635522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956288069939195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445827009058952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510384728288947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235797248128168,0.12496462454182515
bpd,SpiritualWood,2019/05/28,"Im Dating someone with BPD I am truly curious if people with BPD move on quickly after a breakup or tend to get bored in a relationship. Before I want to commit to her, I get fears that her BPD will act up and she will want someone else. I don't know if this is manipulation or she means it but she says she wants to settle with me and explored enough and she said I am special and everything.

​

I do notice her becoming really attached and wanting me to call her my girlfriend, but I told her I need some time to get to know her.  Im just scared she is not genuine due to the nature of BPD, and becoming attached and easily removing that attachment from someone.

​

I dont mean to offend, nore do I think all people of BPD are manipulative monsters, I just am curious if what she is saying is genuine or it comes from her BPD disorder,

​

 thank you guys :)",4.620923809523808,5.588960497142856,5.875785714285716,78.91063095238097,69.74285714285715,8.804761904761904,30.583333333333336,9.075114841892004,2.572076190476192,697,28,134,13,12,234,95,175,0.068,0.772,0.16,0.9329,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,1,2,3,0,14,0,0,2,2,38,32,15,0,8,11,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,6,11,0,0,6,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,2,3,29,2,20,28,3,13,0,0,0,0,23,3,0,7,5,94,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26749921640736624,0.2999916497632016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817763310837641,0.0700268323904407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6218846861493667,0.0,0.08403221457687858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088970244203094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431699592794472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644891871620458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874676410549102,0.0,0.0,0.08503255012316145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396127979079671,0.0,0.0,0.09260455429521726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289869440147874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814848123495373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778505967246658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045416416898358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928637385489155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746637223237319,0.0,0.06102056790591302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369320051883473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141057356552796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272017037939642,0.0,0.0,0.08835384106320031,0.0,0.0,0.07828122123496019,0.13088829136830665,0.08239147346800818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918440737472635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576601562186215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527311991452002,0.0,0.0,0.04798677262108455,0.0,0.0,0.07863622927731903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415847327081265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999916497632016,0.0
bpd,needlesless,2019/05/28,"The One Im only in college yet my never-ending search for someone special has destroyed me for years. No one here wants what I want, and I wish I didn’t either. I can’t get close to someone without feeling a connection that I never want to lose. But all of these people are trying to live the college lifestyle and not give a shit about anyone else. How do I enjoy being single like everyone else seems to?? It’s just not me.",2.9204926108374387,4.459415827586209,4.3123152709359625,86.28206896551725,74.63218390804597,5.8909688013136305,25.072249589490966,6.1826913282559595,0.8446663382594415,335,11,65,2,7,111,65,87,0.076,0.708,0.21600000000000005,0.8878,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,4,0,6,1,1,1,2,18,14,4,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,1,1,9,3,10,12,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406789163980148,0.19645856765760347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203455264493767,0.0,0.16982324077139518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321418174084347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694865579802253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017535861059523,0.1839328681455268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071102883046868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367365818562064,0.0,0.16930844956815178,0.0,0.0,0.21450613556966008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29576082570110196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598536960233123,0.14582563259124956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292720913850378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745513655457798,0.0,0.0,0.19681663035796973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32491851302571684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017773339935035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339276687113069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048960568489548,0.18482889849964995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347319183758072
bpd,findingbelief,2019/05/28,"Seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow but disagree with their diagnosis Last month, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and prescribed me bupropion (Wellbutrin), though I told her I thought that my symptoms were more consistent with BPD. 

My symptoms are that I struggle with emotional regulation and have a tendency to idealize my FP. I recently decided to stop contacting her after she didn't message me back last week and I ended up harming again.  

I'm meeting with my psychiatrist again tomorrow and I'm not sure what to tell her. I don't think the bupropion has had much of an effect. Frankly, I feel that, compared to what many others on this subreddit are going through, my symptoms are relatively mild, so I don't think I'd best be served by other medication for any of my mental health challenges. Also, I think that much of the time, I'm just too lazy to try and do the things to get better, though I've been working on identifying my emotions lately. 

What should I say to my psychiatrist? Should I tell her I'd rather pursue therapy instead?",8.278405594405594,8.552279758974361,8.38825174825175,66.49720279720282,61.66666666666667,12.21911421911422,39.778554778554785,11.741389052700956,5.048589743589743,863,43,142,25,11,282,117,195,0.156,0.795,0.049,-0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,6,11,8,0,1,5,0,15,6,0,1,1,26,27,10,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,11,10,0,1,7,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,3,30,5,22,18,5,19,0,1,1,0,13,3,0,0,15,105,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649664155611606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056071139463584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240012593150853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975453980794825,0.11777875159546895,0.0,0.0,0.16772396216737914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469981588236505,0.13516555993089396,0.0,0.0,0.1526252754803478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299598453959047,0.11794980261962623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733515838982237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695762471720549,0.0,0.07568403520857482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155433426141276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710395399371613,0.15022246419454738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501429036935494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415557186685842,0.1342048454395709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629566294414294,0.0,0.19579172332918424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314901002778068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590276614885794,0.0,0.0,0.1061198868245848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113367527444256,0.0,0.13921903582943904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255119040600952,0.4152463577117571,0.0,0.0,0.2327942998691091,0.0,0.15229241705076432,0.0,0.08847276289446206,0.25599141650229523,0.2616792719443781,0.10572274078008337,0.07765296507430271,0.0,0.0,0.12725040739588095,0.0,0.09041423241117408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682158393334902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969499292844523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pyramidkittens,2019/05/28,"I got out of my routine and forgot taking my medicine for a week and I went absolutely crazy So, with the combination of my medicines which are lamictal, lexapro, and seroquil.. Im doing a LOT better. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my ups and downs but typically I feel pretty okay. I spend most of my time alone if I’m not at work, I have a set schedule and take my medicine at the same time everyday. I’ve been seeing a new guy. We were friends and reconnected. I went over to his house last Tuesday and didn’t leave until this morning. I forgot to take my medicine since I was out of schedule. I didn’t realize until I started bawling my eyes out in the car from anxiety. He was really really understanding and took me inside and let me lay down and cry while he poured me some wine. So, I took the lexapro and the lamictal and didn’t take the seroquil because it makes me super sleepy so I take all of my medicine at night. That’s where I really fucked up.. I didn’t take my antipsychotic for a week and yesterday I straight up lost it. I was crying all day and started having auditory hallucinations. I made him promise me over and over that everything was okay and he still liked me and everything. I’m so sad, he saw me act completely wrecked and I hope it doesn’t scare him off. I went home today, and told him I need a few days to be by myself and get back on my medicine and routine.",2.2081581798483185,4.181757323943664,3.6692957746478885,88.21075297941496,77.8732394366197,7.186132177681474,25.35969664138679,8.139509932561175,1.4691201516793069,1096,41,236,20,26,361,147,284,0.126,0.76,0.114,-0.5614,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,4,8,13,1,1,12,2,19,3,1,2,2,44,50,30,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,26,1,2,3,1,1,7,7,5,0,0,22,4,46,8,32,26,7,50,0,2,3,1,12,19,1,5,24,156,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233419910483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297333812014605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340078909004504,0.0,0.06611759184204855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095926061923719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372062438194877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382814167310803,0.13989837995777302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949577855218894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484178161041079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837976791786858,0.10027161899739527,0.11333411679502435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867471839096113,0.0,0.0,0.10739469770038557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879649824325203,0.10772750512551146,0.0,0.1251508948105743,0.0,0.0,0.11715786162252835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841122465882313,0.0,0.11484588106142254,0.0,0.1109100175393038,0.0,0.05298918548769463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839937797038665,0.0922107415777735,0.0,0.10262962045789767,0.07239940609100122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042339737680687,0.0,0.10475353427328746,0.0,0.10178449105109558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034511941120033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845111858345894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858965163017056,0.0,0.08643038491218645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897211088801003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535403030379401,0.0,0.17323621460905714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893007632904015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649044136352552,0.0,0.10280954787219712,0.10364034509044114,0.24101114111052166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291304608052698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400377803927064,0.0,0.0,0.3016368271259313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896182285904219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858646332937288,0.0,0.0
bpd,stefanieklr,2019/05/28,"I broke up with my ex and she hasn’t taken it well. She is stalking me. Hey all... this is my alt account because my ex knows my main. I was dating my ex for about 3 years until I decided to break up with her. The relationship turned toxic. She was cheating on me and made me feel crazy for even thinking it. The reasons for the breakup don’t matter because it was necessary to do. She suffers from BPD. We broke up a couple weeks ago and since then, she has been threatening suicide. It started affecting my own mental health and nothing I did would help her. She wanted me back and I didn’t want to be pulled back in a relationship that harmed my mental health. I resorted to blocking her number and social media. She showed up today at my lunch spot at work and embarrassed me in front of my coworkers. She has showed up at my house before unwarranted. It’s taking a toll on my work performance. I don’t know what to do. Can someone please help me?",2.062947368421053,4.326619821052635,3.4015789473684244,88.48605263157896,79.73684210526315,6.315789473684213,23.157894736842106,7.475848149327749,1.0250526315789474,746,25,151,11,19,243,108,190,0.17600000000000002,0.7829999999999999,0.04,-0.9821,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,3,5,7,1,1,6,0,18,3,0,3,1,24,29,9,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,10,1,1,6,2,1,2,4,6,1,0,8,1,36,1,26,19,3,25,0,3,0,0,21,12,0,0,10,109,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432436624278346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233038187596658,0.0,0.18474553945156505,0.0,0.12894294663030473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084980513676145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766776407372055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008574832327696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766193553472466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221437981902018,0.0,0.0,0.2031380024349072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484809209219718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655653361413836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338365983215928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054181199820569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453994642524606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663371161779288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580058731946614,0.0,0.3253782649848904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534920131275282,0.0,0.0,0.15446824094589942,0.12839294574790874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725544186510008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575189604048166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393353739110182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709586975491537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363503610200504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648237824673976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875551986410707,0.0,0.12155018409197192,0.0,0.1362458630176034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206348439765057,0.0,0.0,0.10764429860107444,0.0,0.0,0.09758192399254814
bpd,superkickerjess,2019/05/28,"This disorder is rough You can be stable for so long, and then something can trigger you and you lose control. I've been doing well. I have a lot of big life changes happening, and I've been able to roll with it, but the other day I was completely triggered. I was late for a counseling group, and being emotional like we are, I could read the emotions of my counselor: disappointment, frustration, coldness. I couldn't sit with how that made me feel: angry, stressed, confused. My thoughts: I left at the time I always do, it isn't my fault there was crazy traffic. Why is she making me feel like shit? I am not a child. But this disorder can often cause us to react like a child, like someone whose emotions are unstable or undeveloped. So I tried to come up with a list of truths, and I wanted to share. 


1. I am not a victim. I am responsible for the choices that I make.

2. I have a duty to the people around me. My work, my counselor, my children. Duties must be fulfilled.

3. It does not benefit anyone for me to act out. I must breathe. I must remain calm.

4. I cannot control someone else's emotions. Yeah, my counselor was being a bit of a cold bitch. But I let it stop me from completing group for the day because I freaked out and left. 

5. I am strong enough to sit with uncomfortable emotions. Life is not a storybook that I can flip to the end of. I am on this page. Focus on this page.",1.0785000000000018,3.455218921428571,2.6989285714285742,91.29732142857144,84.78571428571428,5.642857142857142,23.392857142857146,7.04035,0.8844285714285718,1078,41,226,15,32,353,147,280,0.185,0.675,0.14,-0.9509,0,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,2,3,0,5,7,20,4,2,17,1,36,4,2,10,4,49,45,14,0,6,8,0,3,4,0,3,2,0,0,3,13,15,0,5,3,1,0,2,7,10,1,0,8,5,40,10,30,27,5,22,0,2,0,0,13,10,2,4,12,159,53,4,0.10348372932802136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610675270962836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235822966270555,0.0,0.0,0.09212245892661963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308272089711232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297743037528615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630629592505156,0.10947206417621066,0.08914206974048451,0.2170014426801771,0.0,0.23213160368297014,0.08262333732073171,0.0,0.0,0.13347688884249195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23720263843954054,0.0,0.09055930889949726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644737711144422,0.5820263348242378,0.09165586858646113,0.10692635534037574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046489657728206,0.07392879690896527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151032008450488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673415411598785,0.0,0.2248707494084014,0.1058191244750719,0.1461872368036827,0.2022276919383933,0.0,0.0,0.09157984401224648,0.0,0.11577182300524096,0.0,0.08797816606150319,0.0,0.09791880682207156,0.1381523857815635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174258809937821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351173349484548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622456105406453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536285608447585,0.07966683059429623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651703141289009,0.1185402623102236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215452184171296,0.060342194765275976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025865936332999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447818476608473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103738472864199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304430056216834,0.0,0.09337796985409644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533738743606741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tobaganner,2019/05/28,"Common symptoms of BPD? What are the common symptoms for BPD? I believe that I may have it, but I want to confirm that there aren’t any obvious reasons that I don’t have it before going to a doctor",3.324308943089431,4.406389073170736,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,72.90243902439025,6.442276422764228,28.300813008130078,6.42735559955562,1.3873837398373985,156,6,30,1,3,53,28,41,0.0,0.948,0.052000000000000005,0.2047,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,1,5,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,24,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055411985604746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341422912831373,0.2825682333419596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6317532692862826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256706714442932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253668962363267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578664681508669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5213591042760083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792965598811375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MUTWOLVES,2019/05/28,"Oscars Dang imagine if like, your entire life you had to act because you knew your emotions were just whack :) and then you just felt like you had no personality because your real one only appears when the depression and anxiety go away.",6.54829457364341,8.115704139534888,6.465116279069767,74.2401550387597,65.74418604651163,8.524031007751939,32.93798449612403,8.841846274778883,2.9271147286821715,190,8,31,3,3,60,33,43,0.142,0.7090000000000001,0.149,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,7,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,7,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,1,7,2,2,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,8,1,1,2,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332614619373748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864805308753464,0.0,0.0,0.37175040759533423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626254564742192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429917481762164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292769130831716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329194595088132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153726253962692,0.29793509948539154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662035164394948,0.2319039055115249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662426666508835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470634785258421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Flowereality,2019/05/28,"Pacing DAE struggle with extreme pacing? I swear the movement of pacing helps me “keep up” with my thoughts. It helps me stay calm and in control. If I stop pacing to try to do something like dishes or watch a show I get uncomfortable. It’s not necessarily about needing to stay busy, but more about needing to be moving my feet constantly. Can anyone relate?",4.188407960199002,6.56089532835821,4.791865671641791,80.59635572139305,73.32835820895522,6.257711442786071,27.58457711442786,7.1686216300943375,1.5963950248756222,285,11,49,3,6,91,51,67,0.091,0.8,0.109,0.2982,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,13,8,4,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,11,6,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678077053935257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593456588443565,0.26917098403967515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538570465910887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217226186468109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331555923668769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724777233149107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550730882128985,0.0,0.3559014579663859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475725705729926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115982231071223,0.0,0.20064372202764888,0.0,0.25089132597607416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052652147825727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293854156941126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shes_so_ADD,2019/05/28,"Being a beautiful girl with BPD sucks [Vent] I don't mean to sound shallow, but I am an extremely beautiful girl suffering from BPD. A lot of people think that being beautiful will make you happy or that my life is easy because I'm in no shortage of male attention. But, being this beautiful with BPD sucks sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love being wined and dined by various men and I get offers for dates all the time. I'm ethnically ambiguous and get called exotic all the time. I hear that I'm beautiful or gorgeous on the regular. I even get complimented on my fashion sense and makeup skills by women daily. Despite all this, I'm extremely shy and horribly self-conscious. I have body dysmorphia and seriously contemplated getting plastic surgery on more that one occasion (I'm 24). I've been called narcissistic before because I fixate on my looks. I can spend hours doing my makeup and I have a closet full of dresses that I don't wear. I become obsessed with my looks and the anxiety I get when I find some flaw in my looks is overwhelming at times. it doesn't help that I'm an insane perfectionist. 

I self-medicate with pictures for the gram and shopping sprees I can't afford. I could be a plus-sized model if I wanted to, but I feel extremely empty inside almost everyday. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but sometimes I contemplate suicide and have attempted suicide before (although I feel extremely lucky to have survived it). The male attention is nice and all, but I feel like a notch in the belt for some men and others put me on some weird pedestal. The ones that put me on a pedestal treat me like I'm some renaissance painting at the louvre or something. They call me perfect without knowing me and say how out of their league I am. I always feel insecure because I have BPD and go psycho on people sometimes. I've also been calling extremely intimidating because I'm not only beautiful but very intelligent. Most people don't equate extreme beauty with intelligence most of the time, so I throw men off. Men have no problem sleeping with me. They tell me how beautiful, and smart, and awesome I am but none seem to want anything more substantial with me and that crushes my self-esteem. I know how to be sexy and I'll be honest, I've used my sexuality to get what I've wanted at the time, but I don't know how to find and keep a man who wants more than just sex. It makes me hate all men and I've become jaded by it. It's like I'm beautiful, but not worthy of being your girlfriend? It makes me feel used and unlovable. I just want to be loved. 

​

I know some people will be like, ""woe is me!"" at this post. But beautiful women have problems too and sometimes it sucks.",3.9311517585278684,5.795374960151807,5.0425188650103685,80.73918185428711,72.64326375711575,8.166082697144876,28.574599532236,8.841846274778883,2.3813827192092143,2152,86,401,43,43,708,232,527,0.159,0.614,0.22699999999999998,0.9953,1,0,2,0,0,2,62.0,0,3,3,4,11,30,4,3,20,0,39,9,3,9,6,102,91,44,2,10,19,0,5,4,1,3,1,3,1,12,22,30,2,1,17,2,2,4,14,15,0,2,2,12,58,15,48,75,19,32,0,3,4,3,31,18,3,16,13,260,80,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992367040698,0.0,0.0,0.05584223700065697,0.05810333325627026,0.07565970713351372,0.08484989477134944,0.0,0.0,0.05341900432453815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057463328430055326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026847440676274,0.15424131881558095,0.11883869496080884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756429235931432,0.3517887929303295,0.0,0.285212921221498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055752785374228835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046121404953680514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653823718468672,0.04988586131591991,0.0,0.0,0.12764490686406305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553794428818337,0.0,0.03968543767698356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433428351333496,0.0,0.06894169425042118,0.0,0.0,0.07870237342039449,0.0,0.04680491592829076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876751247795798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062067235796251126,0.0,0.0,0.19188099862346766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049322297441997766,0.1364597155111267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345551383738344,0.0,0.0,0.05936613031018888,0.12604682228165562,0.0,0.13983422656091085,0.0,0.0,0.07606426695975851,0.07756429235931432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946358936991403,0.05310811150932142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936425831345692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687689257038743,0.0,0.0,0.13363387092930806,0.0,0.14039489127585947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553083439906887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356971144773804,0.21854067118881704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987944334516133,0.0,0.0,0.053757786257495485,0.27625072015811736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276321448746116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103363578297849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474361238556854,0.0,0.0,0.2035892970952527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206196951969012,0.0,0.05761624936086656,0.20593480733961667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673126773204444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634706450222185,0.08484989477134944,0.0
bpd,RNA4lyfe,2019/05/28,"DAE isolate themselves? Whenever I hit a low, I leave my house and either go hang out alone in my car, or at the park, or in my room, or the bathroom. I basically go anywhere that I can just be alone with my thoughts, even if they’re negative. The reason I do it is because whenever I’m in a low, it doesn’t matter how positive an environment I’m in; I’ll just still feel shitty and start saying shit that kills everyone else’s buzz (I can’t help it... it just happens), or I’ll just be really quiet and not being my normal loud, funny self, so I just go somewhere else to avoid conversation and to avoid dragging people down with me. My family’s been worried about me lately, and idk how many times I need to tell them that I’ll be fine so long as I get some time to myself to just relax and not have to fail at focusing on things I need to do because I’m too focused on the crazy shit going on in my head. Idk, man... this shit is wild.",4.09,3.965481181818181,5.624797979797979,84.12386363636367,70.51515151515152,8.822222222222223,27.10606060606061,8.59863814320734,1.6589515151515155,726,21,162,11,12,248,115,198,0.207,0.698,0.095,-0.9645,0,4,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,14,11,4,2,7,0,13,4,4,3,0,35,28,16,1,4,14,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,9,9,0,2,3,1,0,6,5,9,0,0,2,4,21,2,23,21,2,27,0,3,0,0,7,15,3,6,6,102,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30142535339773296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741274380919714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24312309536337345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611321214542536,0.0,0.0,0.13904860627526391,0.0,0.0,0.13718134192570594,0.0,0.07357823144959158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602710590182886,0.0,0.3308047440760016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286810139303382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934336535110582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975375927637612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790813927073198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099401552239162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415054933775947,0.15408246358220964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877877787112593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147532328479683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157993840604861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142576662843104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088380163121964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322250419710676,0.149616655240965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572168871634245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180692430820555,0.0,0.4481161537229726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299833103545084,0.0,0.116210796947711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271890739214768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667563841681694,0.0,0.0,0.11552497204458816,0.1697053359229253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778050890415545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,idkwhatimdoingtbhh,2019/05/28,"should i leave? (cw: sexual themes) never been on reddit before but i don't have anyone to talk to so... i ""met"" this guy via chat. we don't even live in the same continent, english isn't even my first language!! and now i'm panicking.

okay, so, first of all i'm 20, i've been diagnosed when i was 18 and curfently i'm not seeing a therapist. 
i just feel valid in sexual contexts and i had this habit to chat with strangers, send pics, etc. (i never show my face) to seek attentions and validations... it's unhealthy, i know and i'm working on it but i've been stuck with this guy. we (he) only use each other (me) to get off tbh, now i wanna close this ""relationship"" because i'm starting to feel pressured to send him pics and videos. a part of me is really attracted to this kind of dinamics that we have, but i've come to the conclusion that this need to stop. but i don't know how to do it. should i just ""leave""? essentially we are nothing, but i feel attached to him cause he gave me the attentions i needed.",0.6863064381270902,2.8921613221153883,2.8571488294314378,90.68567725752511,84.81730769230771,6.694314381270902,20.581939799331106,7.893859768569023,0.9180311036789296,777,24,172,16,23,263,111,208,0.092,0.875,0.033,-0.8923,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,0,0,4,10,4,0,1,5,1,16,2,1,3,3,44,36,15,0,5,8,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,12,15,0,1,8,4,0,3,7,1,0,2,8,4,24,3,23,26,5,18,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,0,9,111,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130340664961168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985443743148311,0.0,0.1375578759380585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606587776623674,0.0,0.13925286295168668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640780651317438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802898618437668,0.213545344058166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24521533095243006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27501007456165266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445891113798032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32013093625362216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834049198157813,0.17768449989944649,0.0,0.0,0.3423420356527839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274575599546024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23973266883958885,0.24935910030616096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511388554230127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229471430448312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505836472569808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356136939120343,0.0,0.0,0.17355871017923902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881939534804354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442138675535413,0.0,0.0,0.13515217173440147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993346666427466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769579398930486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961941498140493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768794373200735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,denimbastard,2019/05/28,"I had another crisis and I'm losing hope. I apologise for the essay but I find this helps to clear my head. I'm feeling confused and alone. It's been 2 months since I had a crisis/meltdown/tantrum. My family and boyfriend went out to a show and drank too much. I bickered over something dumb with my boyfriend in front of my mum. He was so mortified that he went upstairs. I sat laid down in the garden and counted stars until I was calm. Came back into the house, apologised to my mum, made some sandwiches and took them upstairs. Then I realised he had left my mums house, without saying anything, at 2am. Cue meltdown, end of the world. Cue my mum screaming at me. Cue me throwing a deck of cards across the room > getting a book thrown at me > throwing a glass at the wall and telling my mum it's all her and my dads fault I'm mental, picking up a shard of glass and cutting my inner arm all the way along then slashing at my chest.

That was enough to wake us up and then the guilt hit and the sobbing apologies. My mum called my bf but he had left to our city on a train so I stayed up and cried all night.

2 months later and I honestly thought that night was finally bad enough to be the crisis to end all crises. My boyfriend and I have got along great, it's been home cooking, movie nights and focusing on my PhD and driving lessons. 

Then this weekend, I realise I've ran out of anxiety medication on a bank holiday so I have to do 5 days cold turkey. Great. Head zaps and feeling under water and waves of feeling overwhelmed with sadness, then okay again. It's also the weekend we have friends staying. Last minute my boyfriend had to cancel spending Friday with us as its his own best friends birthday. That's totally fine. 

He texted me through the night saying he'd been throwing up too drunk. I was obviously annoyed and asked if he'd still be coming to mine later. I got no reply. For some pathetic reason I sat up waiting for him until 4am. I should've just gone to bed but instead I dreamt up every possible scenario from an accident to going off with someone else and eventually settled on ""he's abandoned me again"".

So from then I've just been feeling shitty and moody all weekend. There have been parts without anger of course but I've just been hibernating waiting for the doctors to open for my prescription. Every morning I wake up feeling like my heart is going to beat out of my chest and this morning was really bad, so I ended up snapping at my bf which just escalated into me ranting at him about everything he's ever done wrong to me. He eventually had enough and lost his own temper, punched a door and left. Then I just had enough. I tore my night gown off and scratched across my chest, arms and stomach. I screamed the house down. I curled up in a ball and sobbed. I convinced myself I need sectioning. 

He's been back, we've apologised, he's gone to work. I'm in bed. I start a new job in the morning, I have my driving test on Monday. I was supposed to send today writing a 6000 word assignment. How am I supposed to just get my shit together and carry on, again? I feel like once a month or so I'm having the kind of breakdowns people might have maybe once, ever. And I'm supposed to just dust myself off and carry on. My family just tell me that I'm worrying them and I need to get it together. I've been like this my whole life and nothing is changing. Every time I think I've beaten it it comes back and I have another incident and I go back to square one. I've been trying to lose weight but I get down and get a pizza and then weigh myself the next day and get furious with myself. Is it just a never ending cycle? Do I have to try and kill myself to get help? I'm so close to having my shit together. On paper it's perfect but it's interspersed with me needing sectioning. What if one day I really do just walk into traffic? That sinking feeling that ive done it again and I'm never going to be normal is getting too much. 

If I don't get better, another boyfriend is going to say ""I know I said I was different and I'm the one that can support you, but I was wrong and it's too much"". 

I have so much more to say but this is far too long. 

Tl;dr: I keep thinking I'm finally on the other side, then it happens again and it hurts more every time. I don't know how to break the cycle.",2.0724705491952875,4.074544451247167,3.3883247607986284,89.92776505724241,78.41043083900226,6.161849455229246,24.70167579226813,7.1686216300943375,1.0141678115148496,3394,123,706,41,82,1105,354,882,0.158,0.741,0.10099999999999999,-0.9962,2,1,1,0,0,1,91.0,4,1,2,10,41,47,10,3,36,1,58,24,13,5,13,133,124,77,1,8,24,7,9,3,4,1,3,7,6,0,31,62,8,4,15,10,2,22,7,29,0,3,43,18,103,18,106,74,25,141,0,9,1,0,49,59,5,9,59,465,134,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708463781174902,0.0,0.044077082226283634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338508720754253,0.04216438976166317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535663304780739,0.0,0.051526998285648065,0.0,0.0,0.16952642655070438,0.09204086328552276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784193992038239,0.048746548649114485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628066700001034,0.0630392179237522,0.0,0.0,0.0583065270081787,0.09495691044104727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054348755658375,0.10663780594840082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758558259700959,0.0,0.05641463267042586,0.0,0.11280774973548045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604321994167685,0.0,0.1952693746083909,0.2278025712753317,0.0,0.0,0.09971304826039806,0.1857539556452479,0.0,0.04953564748662186,0.0,0.1039188924234337,0.0,0.1950818437831113,0.07875125816055382,0.0,0.12075606082810285,0.05037598203262731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516658690763293,0.0,0.2591674376308536,0.0,0.15662143868393738,0.0,0.08816427435510024,0.12153347684047827,0.0,0.0,0.04873982225223948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131319820918515,0.0,0.0,0.06531396555997064,0.07388758899258614,0.0,0.05528689167585472,0.05474366365236984,0.0,0.19079301474551816,0.0590039383077033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054695164017812686,0.048990563463947735,0.0609788457564031,0.05739592235975259,0.06058177471571205,0.04492774932620757,0.0,0.0,0.17965449709561038,0.0,0.03893079999489594,0.08078221464903584,0.0,0.0,0.048776851779371216,0.0,0.12332375342764496,0.06016676722169545,0.0,0.0,0.05215308213600338,0.0,0.0,0.05537248151099754,0.0,0.0,0.055524625808728426,0.05554501927169868,0.058470476332802224,0.0,0.0,0.13198170216713045,0.0,0.16206948430122806,0.12260577493131365,0.08501932834101726,0.05323238703033705,0.058617604313124065,0.25861807235937184,0.0540030031784822,0.0528862926958758,0.0,0.0,0.11739571153582062,0.11204621158225908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059686390314939525,0.0,0.03821122020609578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213618851571924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061878276674675,0.056669503601882776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242893296175447,0.1753251506649422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315371249529553,0.04559339048395645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046700494694530435,0.04243179522243589,0.0,0.0,0.03901212924591075,0.11749487616776598,0.04401654458589206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254617127752908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634945616321712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063355582250279,0.0,0.0437567783402479,0.06427838618537557,0.0,0.05224451547829394,0.0,0.061237066754940325,0.07484171328189214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259804127398533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043749346077435865,0.0,0.06711771409964777,0.0,0.10218810872309317,0.0,0.061536214148699114,0.0,0.10626173206813401,0.0,0.04012586634153606,0.05597403623376237,0.0,0.0,0.12052367600389012,0.0,0.0
bpd,nonnonnons,2019/05/28,Scared of talking I am afraid to give false signals of seeking attention. Even if I don’t talk at all that is probably also seen like seeking attention. I would love to have this “fuck it” type of attitude. But he is all I got.,0.5265942028985506,2.9646296304347857,2.5347826086956537,90.54463768115944,89.65217391304346,6.544927536231885,25.057971014492754,7.793537801064563,1.7149101449275364,177,8,37,4,6,59,36,46,0.138,0.7290000000000001,0.132,-0.0836,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,7,11,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,4,2,6,8,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,1,1,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554916851497817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101653705156348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953583252380025,0.0,0.30647869923468657,0.0,0.0,0.2555209860461249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608401697172067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28834728659004444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444583887303764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198597765186025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135791708037764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269526631381585,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,orranj,2019/05/28,"What are your best online DBT resources? Hi guys! My friend's mom finally got a diagnosis (we've known for ages, but this is a huge step forward for her) and I was wondering if there were any online DBT resources you would recommend that I pass on? I've been lucky enough to have a great support system and understanding of my disorder which has really helped me over the years, but she's totally new to it and is feeling really rejected by the mental health services available here in the UK, as they (in her own words) ""don't want to know, because I'm surviving"". 

She knows she needs DBT, but there isn't really anything available in this country to tide her over until she can get on a waiting list for a DBT group (and that's *if* she can). So, would you all be able to link me some of your favourite beginner DBT self-help resources? I'd also really appreciate resources that are recovery-focused and that explain the disorder without coming off as completely damning. She really needs a positive push right now and although I don't know her very well personally, I do know the more she feels she can do herself, the better off she'll be. Thank you all in advance!!",7.326843657817108,6.772002938053099,7.470929203539826,75.04394542772863,63.86725663716814,11.250147492625368,35.64749262536873,10.686352973137794,3.7061899705014754,928,38,176,21,12,301,134,226,0.068,0.752,0.179,0.9826,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,5,1,4,8,10,1,0,12,0,22,1,0,0,3,36,41,17,0,7,6,1,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,1,11,0,0,6,4,2,1,0,4,2,28,8,25,32,8,26,0,1,0,0,28,13,1,5,8,122,37,1,0.13503784639085348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079897169709354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183036619084488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112464160947874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231781778388884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171388861414216,0.1194300013985216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632314759764616,0.14158461273826822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30953014218854963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395301932134528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655838513702734,0.0,0.0,0.14792736012339475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432990514571212,0.0,0.07055170125764923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800210170079948,0.14887970237139225,0.0,0.13370869854691092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353891605909758,0.0,0.0,0.18102604392030644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29685307532654803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608638792154548,0.0,0.0,0.15815469362015974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002577040809584,0.0,0.13042039351836834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790983881594624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325435111982881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532158298353155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087392444564234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323934781346132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432470604985855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057916045831412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142036557979612,0.07964882051128316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141524129877168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017166508399675,0.14644278408201492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918540233019456,0.0,0.0,0.08695994568600471
bpd,wthdarielle,2019/05/28,"BPD or not, I still feel like crap I don’t even know how to label myself anymore, but it all feels the same. I spoke to my therapist a while back and brought up concerns about possibly having BPD. She informs me that she treats patients with the disorder and I’m “nothing like them” because she usually has a tough time with them and they usually turn on her. She tells me that my confirmed and diagnosed PTSD and anxiety could manifest like BPD symptoms, and doing research I can understand what she means.

Regardless, I am slowly losing myself. I’m pushing away from my friends and my job more importantly. A job I loved, but was temping at, decided not to extend my temp contract. Knowing this, I started finding things I hated about my job and becoming lazy and calling off. I’m currently off right now all because I pretty much zoned out all day and didn’t sleep at all. And instead of trying to sleep, I’m texting my boyfriend who’s all vacation a large novel’a worth of my racing thoughts and crying.

I felt like I resonated with BPD sufferers due to what I go through but because of the stigma, I question if I’m getting proper treatment? 

Granted, my insurance doesn’t cover mental health services and I’m using reddit and support groups and past sessions and my life coach as a means of therapy, but I feel like I’m being steered in the wrong direction. Does this make any sense and can anyone offer any insight or advice?",5.132142857142857,6.6710053186813205,5.596503663003663,79.2505796703297,69.07326007326007,8.536923076923078,33.796520146520145,8.982922981607832,3.1011627838827835,1144,55,201,21,20,367,164,273,0.166,0.746,0.08800000000000001,-0.9631,4,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,1,9,15,2,0,9,0,12,8,3,3,5,56,40,27,0,3,9,0,4,5,1,0,4,1,0,0,9,21,0,0,15,1,1,3,5,6,0,0,6,5,37,9,26,32,8,25,0,2,0,1,19,10,1,4,17,134,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436672342116313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313413179346433,0.0,0.07387550156266261,0.0,0.09577112254616116,0.06752372967863664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073034495529343,0.07425608351236082,0.0,0.17660384781822305,0.10665356770748936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865042666082384,0.0,0.09860838794084223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710299050154085,0.0,0.10607720246581416,0.06227942144631553,0.0,0.0,0.0980161402627253,0.0,0.0,0.1106771607853903,0.0,0.08450873276637823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378332892593233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648551745113175,0.1379787239466064,0.09272198760404124,0.0,0.0882628910416662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460945551146167,0.0,0.05045364518340936,0.0,0.05488274538606905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534251537874636,0.0,0.10264899941121836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28749136636682776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614428473831952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820998458926103,0.2358952130883313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803671285835817,0.0,0.0,0.08715786014903051,0.0,0.06446097697150467,0.0,0.0,0.21038527182234254,0.0,0.0,0.09731947221812802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709897884709895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266116314696292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921866375878764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886774640254747,0.0,0.09824602970282392,0.0,0.0,0.11288472805825328,0.0,0.10818008503906278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246993518401327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327874007835472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835248017011485,0.0,0.07712063015067368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958607014283993,0.0,0.10037281997443356,0.0,0.0,0.08440611188234443,0.0,0.11043578644019196,0.11212478191772647,0.06415657022194142,0.0,0.0,0.07666549818280964,0.05631052703388911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556443882813921,0.1050400252589142,0.0,0.10053238909212496,0.0,0.08340515321916385,0.2127156053153836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558372912891907,0.0,0.0
bpd,jasmineemily,2019/05/28,"Is there such a thing as mild Bpd It sounds a strange question only I went to see a psychotherapist the other day and described some of my symptoms and she doubted that I should have been given a diagnosis of Bpd.... I'm just wondering if people get their symptoms on a constant basis or sometimes quite random, not the emotions or thoughts as mine can become overwhelming and regular plagued by suicide thought ?????????

Mine is definitely a ""quiet Bpd"" and maybe that's not recognised the same",5.6723113964687,7.7698772584269715,5.5438523274478335,77.96146067415731,68.5505617977528,7.782343499197433,35.186195826645275,8.418075326091056,3.0817274478330656,392,20,65,6,7,122,67,89,0.106,0.863,0.031,-0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,2,9,0,6,2,0,0,0,19,14,9,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,3,7,0,7,8,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,8,2,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614679105852824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6368366995029761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821393039688286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869879649041722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959255844142173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805879024933659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932799897943435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818750011413976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684918716846154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888110835794025,0.1792703577264406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431004451937095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666971777728551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843629345689569,0.0,0.0,0.3503694953548963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119750602707396,0.0,0.0,0.2676147976741581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624464984594955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278190571072725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Crapster01,2019/05/28,"Books about BPD Does anybody of you know some good books about BPD? (Gladly in german, but english is also ok)

My therapist told me she doesn't know really good books about BPD, because they would concentrate too much on the sexual stuff and not present the disorder well with its variety.

But i thought maybe some of you guys know some books my therapist doesn't.",5.5952941176470565,7.272432647058824,4.984588235294119,83.54864705882355,68.11764705882354,9.55764705882353,28.30588235294117,9.888512548439397,2.653331764705883,292,10,55,7,5,88,47,68,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.8844,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,13,9,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,8,5,8,6,4,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,3,1,35,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441039934749413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245763274594603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6350579062115056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262977618900054,0.0,0.14708453093018228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819485228137355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642176747959242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771106929531441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885503705861887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355527525129922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767385581902524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240692679916047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902986215545064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334336519980758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060391976022284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112060229060997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939644167869415,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mlnphotog,2019/05/28,"Distress tolerance in poetry Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

(from “Go to the Limits of Your Longing” Rainer Maria Rilke)

I’ll post the whole poem below. It is definitely about something more literal than everyday distress tolerance but these words found me at a time I needed some mantras from outside myself to repeat during intense emotions and I feel so lucky to have these words.



Go to the limits of your longing 
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.",3.307936507936507,5.709632201058202,4.11346560846561,84.27273809523811,76.1957671957672,6.104761904761905,24.25661375661376,7.1686216300943375,1.1640391534391528,782,26,140,9,18,250,110,189,0.11599999999999999,0.7440000000000001,0.14,0.8509,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,4,9,2,5,5,9,0,3,10,0,15,3,1,2,0,30,35,7,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,8,8,0,5,6,0,0,8,4,7,0,0,2,6,24,2,28,28,4,28,0,2,0,0,22,9,0,2,11,99,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372058388735933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306539792940723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438881984295408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618795305057555,0.0,0.0,0.2544749754635596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273533207474167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114223993808167,0.3300557876171368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271173957382357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091035587429978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064802768480622,0.0,0.0,0.12766684776398332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563160858243132,0.16408144329219973,0.0567453977043535,0.0,0.0,0.30836932095891506,0.0,0.25988599588593475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550630776593806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344988349455402,0.0,0.0861243219136093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899962646474172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112403276505006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941853497088602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772844623776401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191452139335688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296781832582454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DyestingTuck,2019/05/28,"Feeling like the worst partner ever Sorry, i've just got to vent a bit... so here goes...  
i'm not even going to get into my childhood, but as an adult  
i've lived a life characterized by loss and abandonment.

catching others in a false web

till they break free from that image and

start seeing me for me, with all my faults, and they run.

everything seems great on the surface,

i seem great, fun, deep, kind, supportive, open, honest, loving...

i am those things.... i should always be those things...

but i'm only great till i'm not

i'm only fun till i'm not

and i'm often only deep like a pit filled with shit 

and i watch ppl fall for it, sink in it,

i warn them to run, but they wait too long

they start to love me

i tell them it wont last

they stay... until i love them,

and then they see the shit they're caught in

and struggle to get free,  
and once i see that i give them a million more reasons,  
i push them away because my fear of abandonment kicks into hyper mode

and then, sooner or later, i'm left alone again

shitty ol me, alone and empty, till i can throw on a fake smile and whip out the ol charisma, and get another caught in my web...  
friends, and lovers... they all have deserved so much better than me, i really fell hard for the last woman i was with, she's totally perfect in my eyes, and she loved me sweeter than i'd ever been loved... i love sweetness, and affection, but i ended up scaring the shit out of her lol, and she ran for the hills, she deserves better anyway, and i hope she finds it, nobody should be stuck with a crazy person like me lol, so i'm done even trying, i'm going to take one for the team and just live and die alone lol, i'll never love, or be loved the way i was with my last partner, so it doesn't even matter, i was just lucky to have her for the time i did... i feel like i'm even pushing my most recent group of friends away too... i hardly talk to anyone anymore, most days are spent without me communicating to anyone at all, just totally alone...  


ANYWAY lol, i hope everyone out there is doing amazing!!! i'm going to bed now, maybe i'll see you tomorrow? will you be my friends?? just kidding, i would never do that to you all lol, but honestly, good luck with everything, i'm rooting for all of you!!!",4.0499508453116855,4.189072025917927,4.908689953079617,88.30602591792656,70.6414686825054,7.682103224845459,24.604826096670884,7.237678284180719,0.8297908542489014,1720,40,384,15,29,560,220,463,0.132,0.568,0.3,0.9989,0,4,0,0,0,0,95.0,0,4,12,5,26,49,3,3,18,5,24,14,4,3,12,81,72,38,1,5,16,0,4,4,6,5,1,0,1,6,13,31,0,3,6,1,3,15,8,12,0,2,12,11,62,39,55,51,13,65,0,3,6,9,46,21,3,11,30,243,75,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900752203208689,0.0,0.0,0.058261608077944525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734212672329645,0.0,0.0,0.06944026094819279,0.0979181466066611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157074203820454,0.0,0.0,0.04268307241584029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238526369029843,0.07644286380622232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515661048924369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266890562332007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165398194855065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062016254539707785,0.0,0.0,0.18498816290375367,0.12667280354123256,0.0,0.06690637440737307,0.12585753723974166,0.0,0.0,0.07879109970613472,0.07080765256795643,0.10004350310849576,0.0,0.0,0.06399630726914643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229004909349304,0.0,0.10974647244950483,0.06716882516973409,0.11938062517722735,0.058728807675258524,0.056000774219508144,0.2315893431814445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544695292986716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908978758436116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291425268795361,0.0,0.17122505218433035,0.0,0.0,0.07607609773885354,0.0,0.04945665251931778,0.13683143492768726,0.0,0.12365652494261392,0.061964814741924175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055607069463021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034372726943171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514721902075075,0.0,0.10800629269726662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456819425039234,0.04744684202958635,0.15975833769478026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061138090442748524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044856111370561065,0.07199142962507815,0.06913554196082476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010146369538182,0.0,0.22318504200509326,0.1274857536197014,0.0,0.0,0.21562119867371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783807948805131,0.09911994207191632,0.07463118230541524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319930149111215,0.0,0.0,0.07945699188539775,0.0,0.0,0.05264574659278518,0.05627880440088937,0.06119989281641022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303532963405242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082877580847839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047538460656064464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555780052601744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749603860803732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973965169585665,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,erynelle,2019/05/28,"Should I bring up BPD to my psychiatrist? From reading articles about bpd I feel like I really relate to the symptoms and how it feels to those who have it, but I don’t wanna be that annoying patient who sees something on the internet and self-diagnoses. 
I feel like I relate a lot to how bpd sounds & feels like but I’ve never brought it up as a “hey I’m worried I have bpd” type of question. I think I’m also hesitant cause the last time I asked a doctor up front if I had something, I got laughed at.
I’m not here to ask anyone to diagnose me, I’m just trying to figure out if it would be worth the time & money to see my psychiatrist and bring it up. Like I said earlier, I don’t know if it’s a worthwhile concern or if it just sounds like I’m self-diagnosing something I don’t even have. 
Thanks.",2.0573182957393463,3.473839631578951,4.078834586466169,87.57434210526317,76.6608187134503,7.458813700918964,25.079782790309103,8.192908349453996,1.403427401837928,631,22,140,11,14,216,91,171,0.053,0.778,0.16899999999999998,0.9595,0,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,8,0,11,3,0,3,1,30,32,14,0,7,10,0,4,5,0,2,3,3,0,0,11,4,0,0,8,1,2,4,5,1,0,0,4,9,17,7,20,24,1,15,0,0,2,0,7,7,0,7,9,87,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644560149134499,0.0,0.23424738130525302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558434641861865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211330400587235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445805081630016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104599898497357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291503269514005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064246106563196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713974369042541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862955238662707,0.2316748138501927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645551544845534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940760697165644,0.08811396122405825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26405510461907145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190070309714612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337152331338732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109403704598863,0.0,0.10812684001994956,0.0,0.06925008240697207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282555959944277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227956323694704,0.0,0.22553871747672866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24965641156984905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235478300840224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995217349963723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926456913824137,0.0,0.0,0.12606514487872114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339116604953011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977834706219623,0.0,0.07678942453073986,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cuntybuns,2019/05/28,"Emotionally checking out? I am not diagnosed with BPD, but my best friend of 5 years is. We have a lot of history so I will probably not go into too much detail. I am looking for advice or just thoughts and experiences from others. Something I have been trying to wrap my mind around is how my friend will one week be very supportive, caring, loving, and the next week he is completely checked out. Self destructive, dismissive, cold. Just last week he was saying how I am the most important person in his life and he loves me so much and is really putting effort into things not just for himself but for me and the people he cares about. He said I could always come to him for anything and he will always be there to talk if I need to. These past couple days he has started to check out. He could barely hug me the other night. Tonight I messaged him saying I was feeling upset and couldn't sleep and I just didn't know who else to talk to. All he said is he doesn't know what to do about it. He completely dismissed me. I just wanted him to listen and talk to me about it like he normally would. Recently I have been really doing my best to be a consistent person in his life, to always listen to what he has to say and to be there for him no matter what. So for him to start retreating again really hurts, I am exhausted. I love him more than anything else on this earth and I want to be putting in as much effort as I can, but when I don't get that same energy back it is really disheartening. Some days he will be on the same page as me, and then some days it is as if he is a different person. I just want to do my best but I have feelings too and sometimes I don't know the best way to go about it.",2.930427350427351,4.219780390313397,4.272022792022792,87.58871794871796,74.15669515669515,7.8210826210826205,22.971509971509967,8.401726058763845,1.1767766381766391,1331,35,288,23,27,440,159,351,0.06,0.743,0.19699999999999998,0.9954,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,6,23,19,1,1,9,0,44,9,1,2,1,64,71,31,0,11,16,0,2,1,2,5,4,7,0,4,15,22,0,0,6,0,3,5,9,5,0,1,8,11,41,14,49,49,16,36,0,2,1,4,46,11,0,7,20,217,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242304800431363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105507295942147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882101706049094,0.07508683631515756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064857743429704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540684741760153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623226882104872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719950592439499,0.0,0.0,0.07265759161649994,0.1768727408769938,0.0,0.0,0.1346886541566499,0.0933285049620036,0.0,0.16319078031269232,0.0,0.0,0.0856105705611514,0.0,0.08812480785017424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409224228417997,0.09487917852663913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250768685961266,0.0,0.0,0.08529689562230881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033278067208556,0.0,0.044067898812010065,0.0,0.09587284571438254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029535677633152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906494512886747,0.06875417592316659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915375739141792,0.04120775156215056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708303533649585,0.0,0.0,0.07170892127000067,0.22837975815760025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516656569315098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601455674728512,0.06254233478748555,0.0,0.0,0.08970413919194863,0.07915407609138478,0.0826422875972297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057155804287138276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051888822450909,0.05847568586651328,0.22094600498318293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094048181033018,0.0,0.0,0.16958434300177114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613974822426915,0.0,0.0832826240181403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046688892174932,0.20122869106545985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799246137311596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440805346495059,0.0,0.0,0.06493454840742177,0.08342147719201913,0.0,0.11940267819051567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571613374425716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033851058735729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603649120670103,0.0,0.0,0.06696220667527393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726617066896773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959522319719079,0.1492503837704393,0.06695083287817635,0.20297456142205572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059917787486595216,0.0,0.0,0.05431679206705543
bpd,OneEyeShut,2019/05/28,"Are you ok? I truly feel that I am the only person to ask this question and truly care about the answer. I listen to peoples struggles constantly and gladly genuinely listen and offer advice. When I legit tell these same people, ""I'm not OK right now,"" it is like a fart in the breeze. Like it never happened. I can't figure out if my shit is too heavy or my fake smile is that good, but for whatever reason, I haven't had someone ask me that question and mean it in a long time.",2.621836734693876,4.1633407244898,4.2385204081632635,86.49308673469388,75.42857142857143,6.124489795918367,21.433673469387767,6.6274283507984215,0.487485714285715,373,9,74,3,8,125,70,98,0.079,0.753,0.168,0.6893,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,10,1,1,5,2,8,1,1,1,1,18,17,8,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,8,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,10,7,7,16,1,10,0,0,0,0,10,4,1,4,8,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180319447056512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669918522390167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200121219700691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210966921261293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992454019531344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463090958609286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357034410378172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178563709889135,0.0,0.0,0.17370221220401794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138071861676709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513837494036483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928029071119786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27215259856605983,0.17138470604753675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397585321678404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180921443383684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676226157125085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147928230828133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630797075945505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519516847990207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155795289849898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445283438758105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RevolutionOrSuicide,2019/05/28,"I exhausted from this shit I don't even have the energy to explain why. I'm sure if I described it in detail, you'd all think you wrote it. Splitting. Jealousy. No trust. Fear of humiliation and abandonment. Having my day ruined because of my FPs tone of voice. My FP is so understanding and patient. It doesn't matter though, it's still exhausting and I'll probably end up alone again somehow. Honestly that'd be best case bc then I won't have to feel guilty about kms.",1.3862903225806456,4.027334860215056,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,87.49462365591398,6.540860215053764,22.803763440860216,7.793537801064563,1.4358537634408606,374,14,74,8,12,123,73,93,0.29100000000000004,0.575,0.134,-0.9379,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,7,10,1,1,1,0,10,3,1,0,2,14,16,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,9,4,9,11,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,2,5,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903935906968253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709196758978278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942460400947447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808246874609164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24833728048101605,0.0,0.0,0.18519119558922745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31551030568287325,0.14177073419285685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023017140316806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878104699599417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391527602428468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642588985315676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965894753176131,0.2754761657486062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29188996004005424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530032331593657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,britomato,2019/05/28,"Therapist Might be Pregnant(?) Hello, 

This is my first post here.

I was diagnosed with BPD around October and have been seeking psychotherapy since. I have a great relationship with my therapist in the sense that I feel comfortable talking about how I'm feeling and being able to express myself. She has helped me tremendously and I am much better than I have been in the past.

​

That being said... I could very well be overthinking, but lately I've noticed some changes. Right before our sessions and sometimes right after she is running to the washroom. Recently she looks very tired, but her face is glowing. And I tried to look at her stomach but she was hiding it the entire session. (I wasn't staring the entire time but if there was a chance to see, I tried.) 

Honestly for me it's not the end of the world if she is pregnant; in fact I would be very happy for her! I know she has one child already so there's definitely a chance. I just don't know how to approach this. I don't want to ask in fear of being wrong/ it's not very polite, but I would also like to find out as soon as possible. There are definitely abandonment issues in my life, that is why I want to find an adequate  way to approach this so I have a rational reaction when the time comes.

​

Hopefully this is the right subreddit to be posting this on.  Thanks!!",3.315782051282053,5.598066373076925,4.111153846153846,84.88301282051283,75.65384615384616,7.410256410256411,26.98717948717949,8.344100000000001,1.9668333333333337,1067,42,203,20,24,341,142,260,0.067,0.767,0.166,0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,0,0,2,15,12,0,1,14,0,33,5,2,2,1,38,48,20,0,8,10,0,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,11,10,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,3,1,2,7,8,32,9,30,30,2,30,0,1,5,0,18,13,0,5,11,151,43,2,0.10204519002886983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260940471125533,0.08160550159817552,0.0,0.2211318415245008,0.2479921505754477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084185396233248,0.09539847758890947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683294073118243,0.0,0.0,0.09025067796612764,0.0,0.0,0.1285223445801361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795028034121244,0.08790289551124006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147478074536736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357371984492776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038174974849818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482920903404807,0.10319422838697924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653490996379166,0.0867995865087472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250518225799652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086290023083302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683987398560639,0.0,0.0,0.10135389880706534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650866621744047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216273545519093,0.0,0.1151114191281835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207753555218935,0.0498541253464596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138451777281982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825382055296917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501495614127042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617912519883387,0.0,0.0,0.06914846171383772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741368053648672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504061918600356,0.19546216830352112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075731433005536,0.10955834474472792,0.0,0.2614381041576277,0.09706834383083963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131680461771823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441283569777837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092530222730496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202005834210814,0.0,0.09394950077492137,0.0,0.2369646615117045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900674186302827,0.11728593448431078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856397121481145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367918752426597,0.12037779395746875,0.08099872203229426,0.0,0.0,0.0917508809706065,0.0,0.09207991188708683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497995035394998,0.11157039597426542,0.2479921505754477,0.0
bpd,luvbon,2019/05/28,"How do I talk to my doctor about diagnoses? Hi, I'm 19F. I have a history of depression (with psychosis) and anxiety. I tried to kill myself a month ago over a guy who turned out to be a jerk and other problems that were present. But the guy pushed me over the edge. My family thinks I'm bipolar because of my mood swings. I don't know why I look it up but I did. I identify with the symptoms of bpd more. I see my psychiatrist in a week but I was thinking about seeing her sooner. I want to bring up the possibility of bpd but I don't want her to think this is just me overanalyzing and assuming the worst. I have brought it up with my mom who is a registered nurse but I don't know how to communicate with my doctor. How can I bring this up to a health professional?",1.1247903726708088,3.134812577639753,3.432511645962734,88.37559976708077,81.6086956521739,7.2548136645962735,22.484860248447205,8.278499904357787,1.2188164596273294,599,20,136,13,16,206,87,161,0.11,0.87,0.02,-0.9218,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,12,0,13,6,0,3,0,26,29,11,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,4,3,25,0,25,24,2,16,0,1,3,0,9,8,0,1,4,97,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054928074200138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129400285243427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665354624967576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39938848910316815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656303361100466,0.16092980413171634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245751523845013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947137270667074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139883983056015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853635865771974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541741580807255,0.0,0.17427516434387635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314611523889985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569748817383264,0.12655694413871196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874673556683665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171554886353136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526953257899679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479916690594745,0.0,0.12744035787871552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30478657831312644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764831455652517,0.1724621133376344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870394809840584,0.0,0.12718311223822604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430710628781214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cowpolice69,2019/05/28,"My gal has bpd I can’t taking to her when she’s mad or sad because she doesn’t like say the things she would when she’s happy she’s very negative and I constantly make her Laugh but she’s sad %60 of the time she lives with me and I feel like I can’t talk to her and can’t bring up things until she’s happy but her mood changes so fast and I love her too much to leave her but loving her is hard ass work we been together 7 months I’m at but she’s only 16 so she’s not at all as responsible and rational 

Does anyone have advice her having a gal with BPD",-0.9898162729658786,0.9368785748031528,1.4631811023622063,99.65235695538055,90.02362204724409,4.961469816272967,13.978477690288713,6.42735559955562,-0.8664599475065615,437,7,112,5,15,148,74,127,0.131,0.6609999999999999,0.20800000000000002,0.9293,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,3,0,10,3,1,1,1,18,17,16,0,1,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,3,26,7,11,15,2,11,0,2,0,3,23,3,1,1,9,71,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468046247754154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499190287481708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896935096679138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502794375361645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910249292723005,0.0,0.0,0.19317412943142429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564325218449973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903855264756996,0.12770490718155514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805828956770331,0.16013225229372394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892791429907104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466447249462014,0.0,0.15784678214500805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226725431895447,0.0,0.11932249908564012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268310474104487,0.0,0.13140785895416912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359536805014771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421557103672638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440393375358267,0.14367908497786586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375180349819858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423535487964088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474942515311589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013811223887406,0.0,0.0,0.12698470976518292,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hachmeister9128,2019/05/28,"How quickly did you get symptoms? I've struggled with anxiety, depression and eating disorders since I was 9, then self-harm for a few years starting at 17. Im 22 and over the past year have slowly been gaining ground in dealing with my depression, beat my eating disorders, beat self-harm, beat addiction, and no longer suffer from anxiety. However, about 6 month ago I started noticing my emotions flipping like switches, and when they'd switch it'd be 0 to 60, no middle-ground. One day after screaming in my car about some lady taking too long at a stop sign imo, then moments later started crying for no reason, my boyfriend told me I needed more help. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with bpd and bipolar II.
Weeks and months following my symptoms got worse, mostly the excessive rage, I called my puppy a mother fucking bitch for licking the ice cream I got for myself as a treat on a bad day, screamed at my boyfriend for using the last of the shampoo, you get the idea. In the moment I know I'm acting completely irrational and crazy but I can't help it, it's like I'm not in control.
And I've become suicidal again but in an entirely different way. When I was depressed I would be emotionally suicidal, like wanting to escape pain, pretty basic thing. Only now, it's like, my brain presents it as a calm, rational and even logical choice. I'm not gunna lie, several times I've considered just impulsively shooting myself in the head. I don't want to deal with yet another mental health issue for years again before I gain ground. I was finally doing okay.
So how quickly did y'all notice your symptoms set in? I understand it's a disease that comes to head in your early twenties but this seems so fast. 

This was a lot longer than I meant it to be, sorry y'all...


TLDR: how quickly did your symptoms come to fruition?",6.0435946861161725,6.729580206303723,6.454124772076062,77.04458387600941,66.42120343839542,9.440010419380048,33.34214639228966,9.457814108942452,3.1146206303724933,1448,61,259,27,22,469,206,349,0.165,0.7290000000000001,0.106,-0.9306,2,0,0,2,0,0,47.0,0,7,1,6,19,19,3,1,17,1,18,15,3,6,0,42,42,23,2,4,6,1,0,4,0,1,9,2,0,0,11,15,2,2,7,0,0,5,7,12,0,1,12,4,36,7,37,24,5,58,0,4,1,1,15,15,2,4,40,159,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415609462105756,0.0,0.0,0.07656183107999033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056651991823694,0.1321456916517508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211537750125546,0.0,0.09538892578535238,0.0734945444002493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878004453875333,0.09641753130736827,0.08819346976652262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880028714129065,0.09055734591671702,0.0,0.09687134644492973,0.0,0.0,0.09487343565740658,0.11140306391982246,0.17808744188479775,0.22317117218741367,0.08766377468900413,0.0,0.09023831110167943,0.19797510206589655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767562308116432,0.0,0.1943093446175773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704659825300187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461415942143772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984771220283353,0.0902495644440178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815602549313266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728116197063995,0.09180731594119763,0.0,0.0,0.11578403727762675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750126456950978,0.0932944666763388,0.09014788434451793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474667163840778,0.07040311199364546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878415946565745,0.0,0.0,0.07643476938020903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342872119879877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704068801847308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787948722319246,0.0,0.0,0.0640422918501416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966657308484213,0.0,0.0,0.058526575822988175,0.06568830902463907,0.09190381436933086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244997818908988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786938343901374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880278822202968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862804252516542,0.1802055811001476,0.09757356335422472,0.0,0.07144619137508328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966841909474165,0.18339948109585855,0.0,0.0,0.07220922261693571,0.0,0.09029272098315658,0.0,0.18894961533490584,0.0,0.0,0.3590861770950564,0.06493952279899133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057380418180926714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050363066136722784,0.0,0.0,0.08253027656408801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991425986267758,0.0,0.07459598531536127,0.0,0.0,0.10188657724031427,0.0685565192499365,0.0692808380377618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801845173176777,0.0613547998530927,0.0,0.0,0.16685842614007435
bpd,tristan1333,2019/05/28,"Experience I've had recently after managing myself for so long I've met someone who can deal with me when I'm in my low and high states, I recognize how much strength she has a person with how she can deal with the things in her life, how much she cares about people despite the fact how much people have hurt her. At heart I know if I were to have any problem,  I could just speak to her. She isn't use to someone who directs their anger at themself, instead of at others. I wanted to stay at a party, but I thought she was tired and it would annoy her if we stayed, but I didn't want to tell her I want to stay incase it annoyed her. She asked if we were ready to go, I said yes only because I thought it was what she wanted and that by saying no it would make her angry and annoyed. When we were leaving, a mate was talking about splitting and hanging, I nearly stayed and let her go home alone until I realized just how annoyed she was when she was getting in the car. If I knew what she wanted, that she wouldn't be annoyed if we stayed, it would of been nothing. I was getting anxious, that everything was a test. It didn't show, except in the scenarios where it truly mattered. I don't talk to her in this, because if I did, she wouldn't care, but I don't because it feels like it's just something I should know and it would annoy her to even ask. We camped for a beach for two days. The first day was fine, but I didn't give her any attention because it felt like I was annoying her or it was unnatural, that she wasn't comfortable me being on her with the two other people there. I started looking at her because I wasn't giving her attention, but I was looking at her at odd times unnaturally, I felt like I added to add her in unnaturally into the conversation. Everytime I said something about her, I freaked out that what I said meant something more to her than I realized. She noticed that I wasn't giving her attention, yet I knew I needed to give her attention, but giving her the attention felt like it might just subconsciously affect her, and it'd feel weird. While we were sleeping in the tent, I hit a low, despite the fact she was asleep, she slightly moved her arm, and it made me feel like she didn't want me holding her, I got off her and slept in the corner which she noticed. The morning was relatively normal after I recovered, but there was still that discomfort at the back of my mind which even when not in the extreme, I just, feel myself not acting right. I know I'm not acting like I should, and I can't even place it. Because when we are usual, it's so natural, but every single thing I did like that just felt, wrong. I went into one of the strongest lows I've felt in a while, where every single bad thought just started to run rampant, I felt so insanely disonnected from the other two people there despite the fact we had SO much connection the night before, I felt like they hated me and they all noticed the energy I was worrying about, I felt like she was going to break up because I'm not who she thought I am. My head just kept going through and through, when she spoke to me I tried speaking, she told me to speak up after she couldn't hear me, but with the lack of control I had in my voice, I sounded angry. She walked off, she's had exes who would bash her, and yell, she knew she had done nothing wrong, so she thought it was me yelling for no reason. The others noticed me standing on the side, as they started to talk to me, I began to come up again and was fine. When she came back, she said something snarky about how I didn't need to talk to her like that, and I completely broke down because after the whole time of feeling so, jumpy at everything she was saying, how scared I was for her to just have a go at me despite that, I ended up talking about how my head was racing and telling me just how out of place I am, that everything I'm doing is just going to fail, that she's going to leave, that the people here are uncomfortable with me, and once she knew what was happening, she was understanding. She was fine, she just didn't recognize what I was doing, she just thought I was ignoring her and acting weird. After this, it was just normal and we were connected again. It felt like, everything went from being so meaningful and so scary. Usually I hold her hand in an uber trip, but we had a short one where I didn't for the start, I felt like I should grab it but I didn't because it would be wrong, weird, or just off. Those thoughts mean nothing, but it's as if they are just always persistent, always there, always adding up to a discomfort without me even realizing it's happening as it's happening and I can't discern whether it's a meaningful thought or that she's going to pick up on it. I always want to do the right thing, I know what to do, it just doesn't feel right, and that by doing it, it won't be natural or right.",7.285056131722442,5.434600190954776,7.3719106169143584,79.91607826365872,64.678391959799,10.437934352614137,33.73302683630921,8.962127807601751,2.578388217684166,3830,125,812,49,47,1240,308,995,0.14800000000000002,0.762,0.08900000000000001,-0.9959,0,1,4,0,1,0,105.0,10,0,5,5,66,47,9,3,38,1,98,10,8,16,4,192,195,77,0,33,47,0,18,12,1,13,2,15,1,1,67,46,0,5,47,2,0,21,28,28,0,6,91,35,171,19,111,81,10,122,0,6,2,0,120,56,0,12,49,615,238,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230119911479528,0.0,0.0,0.1359391336537954,0.0,0.0,0.05554950269251342,0.0,0.0,0.04614114853707663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636568778650646,0.0,0.0,0.0628117423499279,0.03410233500454312,0.22407851712212049,0.0,0.03475452338996544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671369761909521,0.08328465326889396,0.0,0.0,0.035182768340747864,0.04282327923084665,0.0,0.0458090801611437,0.03260994214019886,0.0,0.0,0.052680922404658805,0.08421501507291906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041796736093772775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03617491943967022,0.0,0.0,0.10790609558742648,0.0,0.06882425259509352,0.0,0.14682880494202774,0.039952450508330725,0.0,0.0,0.12390918218309666,0.058356727478519624,0.39215841450813693,0.0,0.0,0.03474117350115576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267773375561152,0.1959024176328364,0.1856968856738921,0.0,0.032666008468034344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835242220739992,0.0,0.0,0.04032416758127955,0.08383373678397764,0.0,0.04603321298314395,0.04839934469305777,0.0,0.04315304405301789,0.04096902254037079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043723450626808505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897853367635648,0.0,0.0,0.08649402445571805,0.0,0.04176490127799205,0.028848733834716905,0.2394468759228726,0.0,0.0,0.036144913910400096,0.06859594045136867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038646788285854536,0.027263128390583632,0.0,0.0,0.0444901779856353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332814144932227,0.04123995145579197,0.0,0.0,0.0434098184341179,0.12009769683512653,0.06056937554252501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832854159339768,0.08003525564209604,0.11757034905691245,0.1860008466901366,0.0,0.043496635515814126,0.05535276842583512,0.03106306585167909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415775326181247,0.035662674453285685,0.08534482442056357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03908139090921441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041993573884189,0.040327696011526346,0.0,0.0,0.13951935182606848,0.15540480364648754,0.06496024493110443,0.04089113121399016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040872659347497835,0.0,0.06921255877447934,0.125772248878703,0.0,0.0,0.11563600368740512,0.21766688649804894,0.03261740265416665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414093615244016,0.07139744922623713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140314776024045,0.0,0.0,0.25939927295981924,0.04763195348233687,0.04694320748583297,0.0,0.0390273924497882,0.0,0.027729826595993056,0.0,0.11969350623971693,0.04251917299426457,0.0,0.03527537911278551,0.0899659473196881,0.0,0.16863248983328671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572404240375559,0.0,0.045599932788555744,0.0,0.03937135154750875,0.0,0.0,0.041478214503023775,0.0,0.17408286647522028,0.1339667609042352,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ammahe17,2019/05/28,"Validation and impulsiveness Hey all,

First time poster here, so forgive me my errors. 

I was diagnosed with BPD at the end of 2018. I don’t really know what to do about it, bc let’s be honest: DBT is super time consuming and I have other things going on

Here’s the thing though: when I hit my empty phases, I feel like I’m completely isolated in the world. I’m in an empty feeling spot rn, and my fiancé is headed on a work trip. Of course, when I get empty like this, I get impulsive, and I don’t want to do anything awful while he’s gone. 

How can I pull myself out of all these feelings?",2.2580487804878047,3.687805414634148,4.364723577235772,85.67732926829271,76.15447154471545,7.5216260162601625,21.243089430894308,8.238735603445708,0.9946494308943096,458,11,98,8,10,158,85,123,0.10800000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.654,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,5,1,11,2,1,1,2,15,23,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,3,14,5,13,18,2,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,9,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947953940452186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899970305985953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414170864342867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337031066559154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393682618377004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492702366841489,0.16449360458546725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585405500463468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405965709294944,0.0,0.13085873473644286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23630717734372145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265416544184659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545045972298165,0.0,0.2249810857527408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750669894133608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30594124055623595,0.0,0.22622352480959684,0.0,0.2685260829487367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580985824573455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762775721442574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Suckmytit7,2019/05/28,"Meds q I’ve been on Lamictal (150 mg) for 3 years and just recently switched from Trintellix to Prozac. I’m looking to get off of Lamictal because it seems to cause migraines and horrible sweating. I just tried Latuda and had some nasty side effects and couldn’t handle it. Any other meds you guys recommend? I’ve tried soooooo many, you name it.",3.8377272727272738,6.1869997424242476,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,74.30303030303031,8.036363636363637,30.696969696969692,8.841846274778883,2.701624242424243,277,13,52,6,6,86,50,66,0.10800000000000001,0.8540000000000001,0.038,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,0,12,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,8,4,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825752920749717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366263414036294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758024411340079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026947727434455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658369524459151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254551932245091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721961115241429,0.0,0.0,0.5964404836297477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650911536965895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444136875796514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645599650442291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289201972091048
bpd,stigmatagurl711,2019/02/16,"whats the path? hey guys id love some advice
in order to be healthy
do u the correct approach is to try to avoid having a favorite person in the first place? like to just make sure at all costs that nobody gets into your head that way?
or just to try your best to make sure that your relationship with that person is communicative and compassionate and good for you?
im scared that attachment makes me bug out a little. it causes me pain. would it be better if i just didn't let it happen? do u have any tips for this?
or would that be condemning myself to an empty life?",1.5603846153846168,3.779414717948722,2.9372863247863243,91.36951923076923,81.30769230769229,5.609401709401709,17.442307692307693,6.816661863887847,-0.1032615384615383,450,9,96,5,12,146,80,117,0.075,0.6809999999999999,0.244,0.9725,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,0,3,3,11,0,2,6,0,13,4,1,4,4,23,19,5,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,11,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,8,8,15,12,3,11,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,4,2,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978541505860847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815521071105135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233875203206756,0.15366678328535635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848798255477796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779072634007487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907766294952634,0.0,0.0,0.14573233460843446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720387286475368,0.15364557924528527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783164988755277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767862842572586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767002301147433,0.122723987066311,0.08488493658042824,0.17414204416902518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568151666660983,0.0,0.3479362215855801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488108075870524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034216769048049,0.1815306208649175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654129584831552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395296053490727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275125657160909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359281970581565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791379018336955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24685246819002984,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Geeawf0,2019/02/16,"My girlfriend has BPD. Would ""I Hate You-- Don't Leave Me"" be a good read? I want to understand and be the best boyfriend possible but I'm not the most socially aware person to begin with so I could use a guide",-0.100833333333334,2.214008159090909,1.4836363636363683,97.48712121212124,92.4090909090909,5.660606060606061,18.696969696969692,7.1686216300943375,0.3202242424242425,165,5,38,3,6,53,37,44,0.055999999999999994,0.7829999999999999,0.161,0.3451,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,12,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924181336114792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35094049929473553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247337868070236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23371212547043985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510180072461177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950421956228216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432999005119993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141275742222293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787179243837733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840409586160573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29007668992710545,0.0,0.24065767248908745,0.0,0.0,0.16435057753359011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793965139352465,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bwitchee,2019/02/16,"VENT: FP Person Divorced Me We were together for a little over seven years. My entire adult life was spent with her. I don't remember who I was before the relationship, or even earlier in the relationship. And some point my whole life became trying to make sure she wouldn't get sick of me and I failed.",2.7258192090395457,5.208016525423727,4.045000000000002,83.57620056497176,78.66101694915254,7.3231638418079115,20.002824858757066,8.344100000000001,1.1784553672316391,241,6,46,5,6,79,49,59,0.057,0.858,0.086,0.1783,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,1,1,10,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,10,1,6,3,2,5,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,1,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165592965722974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680937175721934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296485032626731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595193314060257,0.0,0.2550741415184714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987958201520575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221808674609098,0.0,0.0,0.24058314124216554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464718313524393,0.288296946390101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23986162254836785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278763038465053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841382474916883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388855203213587
bpd,katsryn,2019/02/16,"“The Last Symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder” Just discovered this podcast by Brian Barnett speaking about his experience and findings about BPD. You have to listen with a grain of salt but it is still very interesting. 
[“The Last Symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder”](https://open.spotify.com/show/0vr3ccysG5WXd5vxZ4xDTj?si=0wfy-Sv2R5SX0mBj4UsySw)",16.061304347826088,21.251471869565226,11.212391304347827,35.15815217391307,47.69565217391303,14.165217391304347,48.45652173913044,12.602617957971056,8.54888695652174,310,17,27,11,4,87,38,46,0.039,0.875,0.085,0.4835,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,8,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31448093344523714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861710305442056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442487077417779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282158514816068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070679777911577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360464521701594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940600255576926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190554785988565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602375339691176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Adia-Noeta,2019/02/16,"Just here to say “Hi” and (mostly) rant 
I’ve built my whole life around distraction, unintentionally at first. It is me in my room with my brain most of the time, which probably is the worst thing I could do to myself. Outside, though, is too unpredictable— or, at least I feel I am. I guess I’ve perfected the art of avoidance, lest I give myself the chance to be happy and then be devastated when I likely fuck that up. The mental loop here is the same for me each time. Its kind of disturbing, but I think of the cycle of abuse. Essentially, a person has to be repeatedly lifted and dropped to be broken. Eventually, you develop a fear of heights and realize its safer just to stay down. 

So I am frozen while time is not. I’m in my 30’s but feel emotionally younger. Its hard to reconcile that change when I look in the mirror, but in ten years I will say the same. I’ve never had suicidal ideation nor understood the desire to simply give up every chance for a future, but I can’t say this anymore. I don’t wish for death, but I get it now. That person is just tired. Decades ago I would’ve done something about the way I feel. I would’ve spewed histrionics.  I would’ve found a way to make my pain palpable to others. 

But its just me, in my room, with my brain. For years. 

Yes, I am medicated. My Pdoc has yet to share her diagnosis, though I’ve asked. She is an NP working with a Psych doc so I’m not entirely sure she’s qualified to pinpoint one — especially when I do not see her for therapy. I’ve been through the gamut here. Talk therapists have used me for a book excerpt, for crackpot hypnosis, threatened to tell things I’ve told in confidence, abandoned me during the worst times, talked over me, and admitted me to inpatient care. Fuck paying someone to listen on the premise that they can be trusted or are even capable of helping. Fuck spilling my soul to these strangers while I fill their pockets. I’m out. 

I suppose that’s what brings me here, just the hope that somebody hears me and can relate. I’ve posted on the hermit forum, but my shit’s too complicated to just be MDD or in the anxiety spectrum. I just want to be up front and say that I don’t have the diagnosis, just a hunch. I’m not seeking opinions. I am just looking for my people.",3.687275335854967,5.044802984478935,4.653745271944698,85.32342995956698,72.37028824833703,8.232711621233861,27.01193426372767,8.757208317658263,1.8445217947045784,1770,62,372,33,34,576,228,451,0.153,0.73,0.11699999999999999,-0.9634,0,1,1,0,1,0,58.0,0,1,2,3,27,21,4,4,26,1,35,10,3,2,3,63,67,28,2,5,23,0,4,1,0,1,4,6,2,2,20,13,0,2,9,2,1,3,9,12,0,3,6,13,53,9,56,52,9,48,1,1,3,3,26,21,4,8,20,253,73,5,0.0,0.11644008600331295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711506819454824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518028747138131,0.0,0.09746262796429236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748579667350058,0.091874080605681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194153325882665,0.0,0.0,0.10019815403266208,0.0,0.10396217013244463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846478018010092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005696880952384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054641437136566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490986731867861,0.0,0.08280112592221885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105869639989642,0.14907273831540546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835928665634336,0.0,0.10775372509111243,0.0,0.2725616196324148,0.05134475527926389,0.18854912492913853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082612534305394,0.0,0.0,0.10461581742632002,0.08803530931270165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107633347577639,0.0,0.06587181994604045,0.0,0.0,0.0976094850153342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233853654902453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941470638259459,0.04801231682484244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505289600403789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559948395467985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990019624056436,0.09903832452109948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579592140940912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659384411386597,0.0,0.10457178130651854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681316754722367,0.17162029295121578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412051145859468,0.0,0.1059573274289447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126096524213913,0.0,0.0,0.07831264031527044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100878118738778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326828956938344,0.0756570788948063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474832692513474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749715878684064,0.0,0.09262324802692724,0.0,0.0,0.1579798261326036,0.08589688897440112,0.0,0.11238629851682684,0.11410512495932755,0.1305794015725821,0.06297080382140167,0.19310984316838106,0.0,0.2292203244931954,0.11295292829680224,0.0,0.09390620064303147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487825142266749,0.0,0.0,0.0579652811276533,0.15601261791660462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097207927293668,0.1130116727559682,0.0,0.0,0.07154554313834119,0.0,0.0,0.20943572657036189,0.0,0.0,0.12657206136079965
bpd,FoxEatingBurrito,2019/02/16,"Diagnosing BPD? My doctor has said in the past that it's very likely I have BPD. I'm just too scared to go and actually be diagnosed by a mental health professional because of the stigma around BPD and the fact that it would also make things more ""real"" I guess. Just wondering about your thoughts on what I should do. ",5.539838709677419,6.283924758064518,6.061451612903228,79.21217741935486,67.54838709677419,9.425806451612903,26.79032258064516,9.516144504307137,2.1043419354838715,253,7,50,5,4,82,51,62,0.05,0.95,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,6,4,0,1,1,13,13,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,7,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,35,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.16707827592215488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691822498220166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241503520018831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436928451633803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6469067996338328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34755328006680364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524280143143445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730376102788382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860939009349176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819904168095038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836455657620766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114285381584634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254149007050534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344128725185367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948768108678099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286187915028694,0.0,0.17141314332189014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137456869792272,0.0,0.0,0.13592325350687195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126788281294947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567217898494712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162413729293435,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smart_slut_boy,2019/02/16,"Are homicidal/violent thoughts common? (i have been diagnosed with BPD however i dont think its accurate because my psychaitrist honestly did not know enough about me to qualify that diagnosis)

theres more specifics to the story, but to make a long story short i had a bad break up with a terrible person who i've been upset with for a few months.  out of no where, today and yesterday i've been having a really strong desire to choke her. not in a sexual context, and not to kill her, just choke her enough that it'll really shake her up. 

does having these kinds of thoughts sound familiar to any of you?",5.286089743589741,6.399110034188036,6.0487927350427375,77.74447115384619,68.31623931623932,10.636324786324787,29.15491452991453,10.686352973137794,3.2268811965811968,482,17,91,14,8,158,82,117,0.203,0.679,0.11800000000000001,-0.9097,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,4,8,1,2,7,0,11,1,0,1,0,17,16,3,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,7,1,10,3,18,8,4,13,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474577885206072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810513023309765,0.13218289188815965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27310082001609226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008677101381302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975705498265305,0.0,0.25413340490009484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481047953211802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398999541016488,0.22580419437146526,0.1191689084420694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189547388022435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474155215688916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307862477771566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893352362385991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778249167282395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389415180761711,0.0,0.3442914992978274,0.0,0.0,0.2055377846175371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DependentStory,2019/02/16,"""Depression Attacks"" What is the clinical/proper word for it? I get these attacks at times pretty much like a panic attacks only filled an extreme feeling of dysphoria and tension in my whole body, i cant cry either thats the worst. Anyone know what this is called and experience the same thing? I have been Official diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar 2 for those who are wondering. Thanks! :)",4.206217303822939,6.9547290985915495,4.81923541247485,78.57661971830989,74.91549295774648,8.000804828973843,29.86116700201207,8.841846274778883,2.937223742454728,310,14,51,7,7,99,60,71,0.254,0.57,0.175,-0.8441,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,2,5,0,6,3,1,0,0,10,11,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,1,4,2,6,10,5,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307780473681727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6383322137820285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775185691416068,0.2355619214390045,0.0,0.19098193317225234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544732162723736,0.0,0.0,0.16109152603363014,0.18983488464174192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295447763502068,0.0,0.0,0.09456966724216352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771719114295987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278862233642716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137503363044053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749101187834556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224726929956832,0.0,0.21944330459262595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902801279988512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219515402612873,0.0,0.0,0.12425662829047038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090606340439548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881602448347145,0.0,0.0,0.20282965922239846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blablacurious,2019/02/16,"I'm a disgusting person (venting) What happened to me? I can't find the slightest will to do anything and now when exams are over there's a big NOTHING. Just me in my lonely, unhealthy mind and destroyed body. 

I rudely told my friend I don't want to see her today. I'm tired of telling my friends the truth, I just don't want to be here anymore, I don't know what to do, I don't want if I want to be alone. I just lost all hope. I can't talk, I can't feel happiness anymore and it just feels fake. 

My mom bought a new dog. She always loved her dogs more than me. The puppy is really energetic and playful, it made my past weeks bearable, I was running around and having fun for a bit, but at the same time I just don't want to deal with anything. It's like I'm an empty bag, every bits of me just leaked out. 
The puppy should have been my will to live now, but it isn't. It's more like a sad feeling and shame because I don't feel so happy as I should, I won't be able to see her grow because I can't really be wholeheartedly involved, I'm not truly happy and I hate myself for it. ",2.2356679960119656,2.9463628559322035,3.9241176470588255,91.65458125623131,75.10169491525423,6.569890329012963,23.62811565304089,6.522977012572876,0.4586294117647061,838,23,198,6,17,282,123,236,0.192,0.653,0.156,-0.2187,0,3,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,13,21,4,1,11,0,28,3,1,1,2,39,52,13,0,9,10,1,4,2,2,5,1,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,6,1,1,2,13,9,0,0,6,6,32,12,21,37,6,16,0,3,2,1,14,6,0,2,10,127,40,1,0.1204051206889756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470339274930985,0.0,0.0,0.10018670586634157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881905180479315,0.0,0.0,0.1981663102917304,0.10718608478116894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679568802414747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629024142790189,0.13374294569399672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413239245922615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144650721073524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352178715772346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100480989870438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860493951329736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647385058124356,0.3845204696926085,0.0,0.11887512913123308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195894526210436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617150546472196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764772014213602,0.0,0.10631992749243616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143641250815016,0.0,0.10867032235157073,0.113930236469933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157484825425112,0.14101702212982795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628801585320946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553196064513467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494031182101465,0.0,0.1051331071436079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426920692535778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918945845711733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677707514488837,0.10523938255268353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020919414607306,0.13838797392319505,0.11412997581191925,0.11505225266640624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550902988573273,0.0,0.0965817250917754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,risge3000,2019/02/16,"What book can I read about BPD? I have a friend with BPD, and I've been reading ""I hate you, don't leave."" I'm kind of worried that book might be kind of outdated, but I don't wanna either buy a book that end up not helping or worsen the situation. Is that book still a good guide, or I need to read another one (and which one)?",2.254507042253522,2.8192854366197224,3.908563380281693,92.33185915492956,74.91549295774648,7.370140845070423,22.65070422535211,7.554174236665415,0.5574090140845067,250,6,62,3,5,84,49,71,0.091,0.768,0.14,0.6635,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,11,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,6,4,7,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,40,11,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576802174185825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462543928418361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569114420911077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687360853646208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859365456705875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749091189229681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187468149033909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689703811743977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875871780757445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879390821941975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313621178726543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400968088378997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316247271402483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913560024797916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148044465633425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991488450687454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,smelIbeforerain,2019/02/16,"i can’t communicate, i can’t function i fucking hate my brain. i hate bpd. i hate myself. i hate my life. i want to die!!!!!!!! ",-3.4800000000000004,-2.7762517777777767,0.5872222222222234,98.86750000000002,122.33333333333334,3.2814814814814817,15.611111111111107,5.46131890053228,-0.7503777777777779,90,3,23,1,6,33,15,27,0.545,0.413,0.040999999999999995,-0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,10,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,13,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734932480730949,0.2424115923122941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253677664607237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075198768445834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8575640050907061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533797051063054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808089508814596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tigermylk,2019/02/16,"FYI, on the wikipedia article about “Psychological Pain” there is a whole section dedicated to “Emotional agony in Borderline Personality Disorder” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_pain

I discovered this some time ago and it was reeeally validating, yesterday I wrote it in a comment on a post in this sub and many people replied saying that it made them feel better, so I thought to share on the sub!",19.456923076923086,14.04496184615385,16.146538461538462,37.18596153846156,45.92307692307693,19.76923076923077,58.653846153846146,16.52667757954773,8.811,340,17,48,11,2,105,50,65,0.11900000000000001,0.6759999999999999,0.205,0.6585,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,4,2,9,2,3,11,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510507686326092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25047841673332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32458602963554456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318575911982665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320073557834254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679824890828701,0.0,0.2871329949585726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30135803849288056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963438685180634,0.2472902067994513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712392613067279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252219252905162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483906786732524,0.16514347013343114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31619661122426296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,activateskeleton,2019/02/16,"splitting + rocky relationships without going into too much detail, my father and i have always had high and lows, but i would definitely consider many of his actions toward me as a child (emotionally) abusive.  i feared him as a child and young teenager until i began rebelling, which only made his anger worse.

i'm 19 now, and i've been living on my own since my dad kicked me out a little over a year ago.  since i moved out our relationship has improved significantly; he's a much better friend than parent.  we had a petty argument over the phone about a week ago, and he's expecting me to accept his excuses and move on like i always have- and this time i really don't want to.  i know my father has some good qualities, and i've always loved him, but i feel hurt about being treated so unfairly by him and i've been mostly ignoring him since the fight.  

because of the bpd tendency to devalue those close to me, i've only been invalidating my own feelings about my dad's abuse the longer i ignore him.  i've been considering cutting him out of my life, but i fear i'd be making the wrong choice.  

tldr; my dad was a dick when i was a kid, and still is now when he's trying to be my parent, but when he's just being my friend he's not so bad.  having a hard time balancing my feelings/not invalidating my past experiences with him

i know nobody can tell me exactly how to handle this situation, but do any of you have similar experiences you wouldn't mind sharing?

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bpd,sodasintherain,2019/02/16,"In need of support, feeling overwhelmed Recently got kicked out of my parents house, one of my only support networks I had left. My insurance only covered 15 visits to a therapist within 12 months and it won’t reset until September. I’m feeling a lot of abandonment anxiety and loneliness. Anyone on here want to be my venting buddy? We can be supportive therapists! Borderline can kick your ass and it is doing that to me right now. Love you all!",4.813993115318418,7.065168265060247,6.2366953528399325,71.46746987951809,71.16867469879517,9.562134251290876,34.74870912220309,9.957137785484203,4.2410082616179015,358,19,55,10,7,121,65,83,0.12,0.693,0.188,0.5399,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,8,2,1,0,1,12,18,4,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,9,4,12,13,2,11,0,2,0,2,6,6,1,1,4,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736950580171495,0.0,0.0,0.12555855702685256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159058337990486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361743245883052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719808266454184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951018353052539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266282262630626,0.16206769391950215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433299624323611,0.0,0.0,0.13314785933464204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168034684411845,0.2731400603341713,0.0,0.0,0.19938970635483425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730235280576806,0.0,0.0,0.15335062368568855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6113170393369884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169860252548928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059142268536062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jkhbsa,2019/02/16,"another set of bridges burned victims: 10 high school friends and the perpetrator

every year the cycle repeats like clockwork, the inability to tolerate anything or anyone and their ignorance, their insensitivity, their total lack of emotional depth it will never end. I haven't even had a real relationship yet hahahahahahahahhahaha i haven't even had the worst yet and i can barely take it",7.120454545454546,10.285077712121216,8.009090909090911,57.23363636363638,67.33333333333334,9.854545454545457,33.72727272727273,10.125756701596842,4.271472727272727,323,15,46,9,6,108,50,66,0.258,0.649,0.09300000000000001,-0.9136,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,4,5,1,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,2,9,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,6,2,3,4,3,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,34,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28258245584895864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843280280420904,0.0,0.22176628270828394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30313857618691603,0.23868704764764065,0.0,0.0,0.3559895609705569,0.0,0.2270558982981953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820634293500306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847296646838729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165859285878204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784634062970755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067372007817225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893300685707962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727370064842912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262200480669249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354192211545075
bpd,kateybirb,2019/02/16,"stopping intrusive thoughts?? lately, every time my fiancé is even VAGUELY upset w me, i spiral. like i’m laying in bed hating myself because i got upset that there was dirt on the chair... but it’s my roommate’s chair and she’s anal as fuck about things like that.

he just kind of gets short w me but my BPD canNOT handle that kind of tone right now. so now my brain is saying all kinds of horrible things that i KNOW are untrue, but i can’t make it stop.

anyone got a tactic for this? my BPD has been really bad this winter and i just want this behavior of mine to fucking stop!!!!!! i just want to feel happy",0.559306666666668,2.8980785840000003,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,87.16,4.613333333333334,15.533333333333335,6.079149491110277,-0.5184666666666669,473,9,99,4,15,155,85,125,0.203,0.703,0.094,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,3,2,2,0,8,4,2,1,1,19,21,7,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,11,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,2,16,6,11,16,1,12,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,10,62,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561186702786604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261135086849318,0.09207361708816997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804634619418447,0.16861248728400244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976161691867344,0.0,0.12725914480971698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637122072583873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792712316090607,0.07891305310801294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24160368737722435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160786695965332,0.0,0.14912240636299134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718600561497472,0.08300856705415395,0.0,0.17038161408283345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475826883127703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082150616977503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676117928344402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289887846821112,0.0,0.12011442049646667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788328677947179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006907851651845,0.0,0.0,0.11991023656783703,0.08807362865878099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817661348927494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Whimpering,2019/02/16,"how do i keep on working every single job i’ve had, i can work about 6 months and then i suddenly cannot do it anymore. i can barely make myself get up. and once i’m there i’m so miserable i end up making myself feel physically sick. i’m getting to that point with this job and i actually really enjoy this one so there should be no reason that i’d rather die than go. i don’t know what to do. when i interviewed for this job i almost didn’t want to take it because i knew this would happen. but somehow i thought it’d be different this time. 

does this happen to anyone else? have you found a way to cope? ",0.4224725274725287,2.496944500000001,2.8268131868131867,91.3346153846154,84.76923076923076,5.868131868131869,18.516483516483518,7.1686216300943375,0.2504175824175827,475,12,106,7,14,163,84,130,0.08,0.892,0.027999999999999997,-0.706,4,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,9,2,0,1,1,0,15,1,0,4,0,21,33,9,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,1,14,1,12,23,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,6,69,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.15947764234196174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636449061160556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620720773162054,0.1142694253362201,0.16744656273796912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962137408778413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696076646292223,0.1707426466027812,0.0,0.0,0.14301289894775274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651926187795674,0.0,0.14474460584357265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376912439427689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263176999100483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791852982917124,0.0,0.0,0.17076393939328807,0.0,0.09287727153087584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890295060322497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865174566068996,0.14525820677952708,0.0,0.0,0.08981321438772147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181727469795143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044298077673186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404056348371105,0.11073991002951483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448791484860588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469320032621646,0.1680264502030718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287404159556654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973990717275746,0.09529348564076703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639134220778978,0.12971787033357746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379483303773715,0.0,0.0,0.1160912785357528,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,loveletr,2019/02/16,"Everything is falling apart. You know when you can just feel things around you just breaking down? Your state of mind, your relationships, your health? I can just feel myself becoming more and more fragile and I know I will have to break soon. 

I’m at university ~300 miles from home and from my dogs, who were always so important in helping me cope with my BPD. I thought I’d built a support network here. But that too is coming apart. I had a best friend and I know he cares about me but my fucking brain is constantly telling me he’s replacing me, he’d be better off without me, etc. It makes me push him away and I hate myself for it. Why can’t I just be normal?

I’ve started self harming again. I’ve also started smoking. I haven’t harmed myself since 2012 and I’ve never smoked in my life (not trying to say it’s bad to smoke it’s just quite a low point for me personally). I spend days at a time in my room, sleeping, cutting, wishing I was dead. I am so alone here. 

I have a rational mind amongst the diseased mess that is my brain. It tells me life is worth living. It tells me my dogs will miss me, as will my family, my friends. Sometimes I can let my irrational thoughts go. But it seems to be getting harder and harder. 

Honestly, I just want to be dead. Living with this is ruining my goddamn life and I would rather not be alive than feel like this. Is there any hope for me? Everything is falling apart. I don’t want to do it anymore. ",1.1115862708719852,3.4576025952381,2.3335250463821886,94.20043599257887,84.27210884353741,5.468398268398269,22.17439703153989,6.850034144686104,0.5315387755102039,1129,39,245,14,33,360,158,294,0.185,0.6970000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.9812,0,1,2,0,0,1,39.0,0,6,0,3,20,19,3,0,6,0,32,8,3,1,1,44,57,16,2,7,13,0,4,1,2,4,4,1,2,2,14,12,0,0,9,0,2,5,7,10,0,0,5,5,50,9,27,41,4,33,0,3,0,1,21,16,1,2,10,163,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468315234668645,0.0,0.08855094697498324,0.09213644471630386,0.0,0.0,0.07530037225162259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981466140411757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857340541740536,0.0,0.0,0.10403472200654187,0.0,0.09245513986708374,0.0,0.12229286985431215,0.0,0.0,0.11620457380832865,0.09793191442393552,0.0,0.0,0.13946088311612806,0.2472231762915328,0.0,0.0,0.11289687737997055,0.0,0.0,0.09538431217163597,0.0,0.11966007079118254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141185564860661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349350741502065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990344311558645,0.0,0.10438663209879108,0.0,0.16796563590188154,0.0791057181347413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710998446444574,0.10236833884217138,0.057851989358786826,0.0,0.06293055715823545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932320479680516,0.0,0.11770108581927904,0.0,0.0,0.07422015755718854,0.0,0.11107147673855987,0.10998013054518027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256336114629806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132291905723548,0.23463616681863836,0.054097210648567484,0.0,0.19555369221774752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391330676418123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361198900011053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854020009437553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849214216126267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668538984716296,0.0,0.0,0.10467588458824233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777525898516512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888285699078698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805714520875431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008046677563689,0.1155158080199552,0.0,0.0,0.09159721331887584,0.0,0.11081022564024301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951505610455126,0.0,0.1567508924706384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565538408034674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903493772560751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356426288494401,0.0,0.0,0.17581491164552904,0.06456770365966441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517857636672008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062314967660946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991683446936687,0.0,0.12733433150352147,0.106740016881428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865959797320425,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spirit-of-Adventure,2019/02/16,"Honestly devastated My SO just broke up with me. Says I've been manipulating him this whole relationship. I have NOT. I've been trying SO hard to be open and communicate and everything else, and I still end up broken up with and feel like a worthless piece of garbage. 

I don't know why I'm posting this. I have no friends to talk to. I feel empty and somehow full of anger and sadness at the same time. 

How do I move forward?",1.6948708010335911,4.006923500000003,3.366899224806204,87.94308785529718,81.44186046511628,6.612919896640828,24.671834625323,7.793537801064563,1.295595865633075,335,13,72,6,9,111,60,86,0.293,0.621,0.086,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,18,11,9,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,4,9,3,11,8,4,12,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253602992710453,0.0,0.2389383537682604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424541193320274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728101537952402,0.19272552103778226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842555687579745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416631626722563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482599055582763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317972120697685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867254637933693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583674737896631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896346951428191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453391223312385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544065930486875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683290897525065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157306508599369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315781264352987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434277121504011,0.3011913513895072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mademoiselle_c,2019/02/16,"achieving major accomplishments despite severe mental illness I just got the confirmation email that I was approved for graduation from my university for this May. I’m crying so much (happy tears) because I seriously didn’t think I would be able to finish due to my intense struggle with mental illness throughout my whole time at university. My transcript is messy but I managed to pull through with good grades somehow. There were so many days that I wanted to kill myself because living was torture and I couldn’t see myself being able to do anything good with my life. But I just kept saying to myself to get through another day. Just get through another day. Upon being diagnosed with PSTD, Bipolar 2 disorder, and BPD, I thought my life was doomed. No, that’s not true. If you’re reading this, you can fucking do it. You can get through another day. Don’t let anyone or your disorders tell you that you can’t do it. I’m so fucking proud of myself for persevering through all the shit, and I’m going to graduate from one of the most prestigious universities in the country. I did it. But you know, many, many, MANY days my successes were just getting out of bed and maybe eating. I’ve always thought myself to be a failure. But now I’m proud of myself. ",5.53324646314222,7.035256531645572,5.978704393149665,77.02900967982131,68.0717299578059,8.445668900471581,33.35045917101017,8.841846274778883,2.946766393646066,1006,46,175,17,17,324,130,237,0.14400000000000002,0.721,0.135,-0.508,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,6,0,6,10,15,5,1,5,0,23,10,1,0,2,33,42,13,1,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,0,9,9,1,1,4,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,11,2,29,7,31,23,5,15,1,1,1,2,9,4,3,5,9,124,38,9,0.2106449300634089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763672811313881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313193634619168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364391641945536,0.0,0.08667141466547973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840719423109953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264995771975602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569178227537436,0.3396213841765606,0.0,0.0,0.10690008498670804,0.0,0.0,0.2414173392735635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777117550965393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947378435564391,0.2201065638185214,0.0,0.05985718403467676,0.17667897335617208,0.08423599667614003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121177224895287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652370273615432,0.0,0.05788247236100764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769935631024326,0.14878474361445554,0.0,0.0,0.09300166622000446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42712179411037227,0.10581057242581804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228054528761733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742413035644867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136922807230217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053509667865236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375665152741919,0.0,0.0,0.0839283684847524,0.0,0.0,0.11898440663804655,0.10811199683055316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010590840997933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205647671327027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748638285757183,0.0,0.16722854520333233,0.061414376340814425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212191868667365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758877092583235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481805730937525,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,guiltyabc,2018/11/03,"Guilt over being the other woman About three years ago I was the other woman in an affair. It lasted about 1.5 years.

He was a coworker and he was married with three kids. I met his family before it started.

He started by telling me he loved me and I was his soulmate, I was the only person who understood him, he wanted to be with me for all eternity, and so on. I flirted back with him, and eventually he kissed me (I cried).

I asked him what about his relationship, and he told me he no longer had a relationship with his wife. He said they were not in love and had never been in love. He told me he slept in the basement. He told me she refused to work, cook, clean, or properly look after the kids. I believed some of it, but I think deep down I knew he was lying.

He was Muslim and told me that it doesn't count as cheating according to the Quran if you don't have penetrative sex. He also tried to convert me to Islam. He told me that he was going to make me his second wife and he took me again to his house because he said me and his wife were going to be in each others lives so we should get along. If it sounds weird to go along with that stuff, I was raised in a cult, so I feel a need to do what charismatic, strong-willed, ultra-religious men tell me to do.

When I tried to leave he told me that because of the scars I had on my arms no man would ever find me attractive except him. He also told me that no man would be able to ""handle"" my mental illness except him. He told me if I left him he would abandon his wife and kids and move to the Middle East without them, so I was the only think keeping his family from being abandoned. 

At one point, he sexually assaulted me. And stalked me, too.

But I participated. I kissed him and performed oral sex. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. 

​

It's over now and we have no contact. But the guilt is IMMENSE. I know that his wife strongly suspected something. I'm not sure how much she knows. His wife is a special person. She is sweet, kind, smart, lovely. And I cannot handle the fact that I have wronged her. I can't handle the fact that she must think I am evil. I can't stop thinking about her. Most of all I can't handle the fact that I can never, ever make amends.

​

I'm in a new relationship now with a truly lovely man. He knows all of this, and he does not hold it against me. He says I am a good person who made a mistake. But I cannot believe him. And I cannot believe I deserve his love and kindness. And my feelings of guilt are starting to affect our relationship.

​

I don't know what to do. I want to self-flagellate. I want to be punished forever. I don't know what to do.

​",1.5532401770890978,3.4497557517985666,3.181438848920866,91.29741560597677,79.61151079136691,5.859656889872718,21.483674598782514,6.844919456158928,0.4020524073049252,2082,60,455,22,52,688,228,556,0.132,0.758,0.11,-0.8802,0,0,1,0,0,0,88.0,3,1,2,3,20,31,4,3,23,0,53,14,2,5,12,95,105,37,0,13,15,6,2,0,0,5,1,4,1,12,29,30,1,6,16,1,0,5,20,13,0,4,35,8,92,18,58,59,7,43,2,2,1,10,107,18,0,6,20,319,121,1,0.059126158835316925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241177233922425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456633571782024,0.0,0.2562526735816706,0.2873790186619763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055274977066273316,0.0,0.0,0.04546436650438194,0.0,0.0720855152736878,0.0,0.050312006321484165,0.19984480135488533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649473091300661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174170004093901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696599140604077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114777609131123,0.0,0.059791924898864125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404023801479725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03089097764924176,0.0,0.100808275886927,0.0495922168094583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822364886591299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255404665572711,0.0,0.12314159169704975,0.1624709530662603,0.0481957109140802,0.0,0.06260606506321909,0.06424074457537772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220948149303036,0.0,0.049651082118045455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201820007294273,0.05594660110068934,0.0789343402894435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958526148502654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284174969012547,0.043464529886987055,0.043841297591549235,0.09120347741173654,0.05710441264156513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006541542382858,0.08993621624203266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548800438782129,0.0,0.0,0.05589333136283719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539174689675644,0.0,0.0,0.11248503361304277,0.04701949465609022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061681478601332725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551820571419205,0.0,0.0,0.12554939863292014,0.0,0.0,0.049432116280462346,0.0,0.0,0.06768530605687356,0.0,0.0,0.05572570497293848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033577378260188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154262068806146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519806285041366,0.06569133799955842,0.08028556141236437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046224211610669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056995507195347135,0.0,0.04304454782126377,0.0,0.0,0.1260045804727129,0.12929034581301332,0.2873790186619763,0.07615061552535991
bpd,kell21993,2018/11/03,"Can you forgive them My ex who somewhat ruined my life, admitted himself to a mental/rehab center. I knew he could possibly be bipolar but he never got a diagnosis or treatment. Now he finally has that diagnosis and is on medication. He just called me from the center to tell me he missed me and that he’s getting he help he needs. I miss him too to be honest. 

He’s hoping that him getting treatment will make me want to be with him again. That may be the only reason he’s seeking help. 

I am currently in therapy from the torment he put me through. I think so low of myself. He kept me sheltered so I now fear doing things. He always attacked me now whenever people speak to me I feel attacked. I was addicted to him at the same time. It was absolutely an abusive relationship. 

Right now I’m struggling with deciding to forgive him or not now that I know he  couldn’t help it. 

I loved him so much but he destroyed me. I still do love him but I need to love myself more. 

What did you do? 

Can you have a relationship with someone who hurt you so immensely? ",1.5743560295324066,3.953956320754717,3.6453486464315037,85.3444421657096,82.49056603773585,6.517145200984412,25.25512715340443,7.7425588080867325,1.5857232977850693,828,34,164,15,23,281,117,212,0.165,0.6659999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.1307,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,1,0,13,17,3,2,8,0,20,7,0,2,1,33,40,11,0,6,7,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,9,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,6,2,37,7,18,26,4,19,0,5,0,3,45,7,0,5,11,120,48,0,0.0,0.16671056071643725,0.0,0.15338751113529905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707652819933766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201409364549861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436739372030807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234024251703524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833048058442034,0.07114388364899488,0.0,0.0,0.15413373388329826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470234733803064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253338928310427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829316367467511,0.0,0.0,0.1397502572927167,0.0,0.0,0.1506259356726148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732692734571531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099382996184664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809710265211667,0.0,0.09392063444956963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174390651173938,0.14179596717971513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343321317614283,0.20865962620537007,0.1085191620162672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701130152569427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975460445829948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586219802058243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144581322903102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446665637744692,0.0,0.30212566160449617,0.0,0.12015996342905895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921756261512564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236594375700798,0.0,0.0,0.1470937786978151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298100264467805,0.0,0.16090663864720972,0.0,0.09347710913560564,0.09015707883908602,0.0,0.0,0.0820453035880982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299053058585044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wavebirdd,2018/11/03,"Hi, we're a community on Discord, and our doors are open for the weekend :D [Join us here!](https://discord.gg/tmWEevg)

We're more of a social group with a focus on making connections with people who share common experiences, rather than a replacement/stand-in for therapy. We \*do\* talk about serious subjects sometimes, but that is not the primary focus here. If that sounds like a good fit, come check us out and say hi! Then join us and never leave!

PS: Take your initial time to read the rules, also please note this server is 18+ only. 

Thanks and I'll see ya there :D",3.856666666666662,6.285670592592592,4.246074074074077,83.85633333333334,74.55555555555556,7.282962962962964,23.76296296296297,8.238735603445708,1.532334074074075,456,14,83,8,10,143,85,108,0.025,0.708,0.267,0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,5,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,8,0,4,0,0,1,1,16,9,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,10,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,4,11,9,1,11,0,0,1,0,15,5,0,1,6,48,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922151853672516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073675542796476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252762840915532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650867391101345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757923424714266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116184747138743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455491727872638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391507603529402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191539364630826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129362834749862,0.0,0.0,0.2048274240020333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866474520854581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483893891024277,0.0,0.0,0.14869361538096826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902120982380732,0.0,0.0,0.18454916105157648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402976888591463,0.14997956530609458,0.0,0.17179340726844378,0.21338988161395409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880618579094778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733594900515181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gamerguywon,2018/11/03,"Does anyone here not have the splitting/black and white thinking? I thought yesterday that I finally figured out what the fuck is wrong with me after at least a year of searching, until I looked into this symptom that seems to be a really important part.

Like I can respect artists that did bad things for their art. X was a bad person who made good music.

A girl in an internet chatroom I frequent. everyone seems to hate her for the way she'll dramatize everything and start the stupidest arguements out of no where. I'm not a fan of her either, but sometimes I have fun and interesting conversations with her.

My friend from high school who kicked me out of the band he started with me and replaced me without me knowing? I look at as a bad friend but a good person.

How important is splitting to having BPD? Because that's one of the few symptoms that I don't have.",5.635113636363638,6.516318994047621,5.959220779220782,79.54032467532471,67.39285714285714,9.442424242424243,33.12987012987013,9.573946990214177,3.076814285714286,693,30,130,14,11,222,110,168,0.11800000000000001,0.71,0.172,0.9166,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,14,2,0,14,0,12,3,0,2,0,25,25,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,3,10,11,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,6,0,1,4,3,19,8,25,19,4,18,0,0,3,1,15,9,1,2,9,96,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287361353830113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36853109559145536,0.08968637680557916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529949451098307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875057045272342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058477907433667,0.13222696809094575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116886133585048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273376879244728,0.13601521098635386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468038815570785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525603262027514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544623362639134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085636101143863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718781178180742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470968345158902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921376377091288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099696088206646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932264597467272,0.0,0.0,0.2569287310529693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425240215182304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889892303842214,0.0,0.2678751713345862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551094245271196,0.0,0.20827245955963491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058395838305191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774368569932557,0.09427211922903078,0.0,0.11680126185735493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678142269853588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418237912329344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085870549561146,0.0,0.09474403799506638
bpd,RavenSavage724,2018/11/03,"Breakup of BF/FP I don’t normally post about relationships...but I’m really at a dark period of time. To just put things in perspective, I had been dating this guy for just over five months. We had an intense start to the relationship only later to deteriorate slowly as the months passed. I had told him I had many chronic mental health problems including BPD. 
Now, that didn’t seem to phase him but following up to the breakup he claimed that he was afraid of telling me he felt because it might upset me. And I can’t help but second guess everything I’ve ever done. That maybe I’m just incapable of keeping a relationship. 
But to my point, he was not only my boyfriend but my favorite person. Pretty much the only friend I had. So I just don’t really know where to go from here. It’s hard to handle this alone, but it is too early to even just search for new friendships? ",2.843475433526013,5.016191739884395,3.973695809248557,85.83141076589598,76.6878612716763,7.330780346820807,23.529263005780354,8.278499904357787,1.4089193641618505,693,22,139,13,16,225,111,173,0.07400000000000001,0.809,0.11699999999999999,0.8616,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,2,7,0,15,2,0,0,1,22,26,8,0,2,11,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,9,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,5,3,0,2,12,2,15,1,22,13,1,22,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,3,11,90,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568701461574999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923305313831015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907625372168549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549993909662794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003998314650772,0.13700709204814368,0.0,0.0,0.13612531425457208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454283781266814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702005520289074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607999952200936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685373759028418,0.14997233308334182,0.0,0.0,0.1356812334356125,0.0,0.0,0.16099824741083876,0.0,0.0,0.10152255780894774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346274084504398,0.0,0.0,0.08324018701383876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535598626372099,0.15216509380998214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526392322958587,0.1606784683205524,0.0,0.0,0.2417928851231977,0.0,0.11134284399703942,0.0,0.0,0.1462840556385711,0.0,0.0,0.14840172989253614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34558365594051965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225178176799154,0.0,0.0,0.1431816354758372,0.0,0.1450598309472893,0.1540924771595893,0.0,0.14492978053245248,0.0,0.15226230175770006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406234669678948,0.0,0.0,0.32522948262513024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137886364655346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720639827659073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238547050401622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062538772778458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831938173033965,0.0,0.0,0.14472953216125425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fat_Methaney,2018/11/03,"Freelancers: have you ever pulled the plug on a project and given a client a full refund because you just couldn't stand to look at it anymore? This is happening. I just don't want to feel like the only person in the world who's ever done it. 

TLDR I am now on month 16 of what was originally to be a 3-month project. I am perpetually stuck, because the client keeps changing their requirements and I no longer have the energy or good judgment to try to anticipate their needs proactively. I have redone *everything* 3-5 times. It's hard to say exactly how things got this screwed up, because they did not display any of the usual 'bad client' warning signs, and to a large extent they still don't. They are becoming resentful of what this is costing them, and I am becoming resentful of what this is costing me.

I am not really going to give them the option of saying no. There is no 'service agreement' that they can take me to court to enforce.

It'd be nice if I had a professional mentor to talk this over with but it occurred to me that I have *never* had a professional mentor and the reason for this is because I can't stand the thought of having an in-depth technical discussion with someone else in my field for more than a few minutes at a time. (Maybe this means I'm in the wrong career?) 

I care about the lost income, but not as much as I care about my mental health. I won't get the lost time back; the last 16 months will have been a waste whether I get paid or not. If my professional reputation gets torpedoed in the process, then, fuck it, working at 7-eleven for a few years might be just what I need right now.",5.781292906178488,5.844943860248453,6.15425629290618,81.12472540045769,66.9192546583851,9.387643020594963,31.233082706766915,9.134995656068208,2.4330409937888198,1281,46,260,21,19,413,176,322,0.11900000000000001,0.821,0.06,-0.9418,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,8,4,13,14,4,0,26,0,34,3,0,3,4,40,59,16,0,6,14,0,2,1,0,3,1,2,0,1,21,7,0,2,4,0,4,2,13,8,0,0,13,5,31,6,39,38,6,35,0,2,1,2,17,14,2,6,18,187,52,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040113538707819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725338394789077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091234224956343,0.09871794780568924,0.28829008472672785,0.261153704610511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24108877158465264,0.0,0.1250727227985431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099136354163285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987668307479524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389341956040608,0.0,0.0,0.10625840063963247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978114684212981,0.08446425115124621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109302655810209,0.18531245556016746,0.11341795003955195,0.06719340283147834,0.09916655469204624,0.09456013256974982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455128423185824,0.0,0.10591175447880792,0.0,0.0,0.1256740259469042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508914658921936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637404636793023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776169529261575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928426408716967,0.0,0.2581262093469576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877893241216354,0.1287882213246298,0.0,0.0,0.11914904136263198,0.12542440878438085,0.0,0.0,0.28311257241087073,0.0,0.08691338999348637,0.17533357914153425,0.09118703712727384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992000439331285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323475019589527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574180708891227,0.12156116096805272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096862934469568,0.0,0.18804407580006616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017674396323624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441943058568318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889499915722676,0.0950296005579378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854742391045144,0.0,0.0,0.09386220872218044,0.2068243434265981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027108918493044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021474468846775,0.0,0.0697357079905362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607357727347334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926704001236,0.0,0.07613688866080631
bpd,Justthrowmeaway333,2018/11/03,"DAE notice a pattern in their relationships? I’ve been in four relationships, they all lasted about a year and a half, give or take a few months. I just feel like I have my partner on a pedestal for the first year or so and everything is great. Then out of no where I have this irresistible urge to break up with them. It feels like it’s impossible to be with the person anymore and I just want out. 

I’m going through this with my current right now. We’re about a year and a half in and I thought we’d be fine this time. But for the last few months, everything he does annoys me. I have no physical attraction to him (not that it was really there in the first place). And I keep catching myself thinking about how to break up with him and what I’d do after. He is the best man I’ve ever been with, and treats me with nothing but respect and love, and I have no doubt he’s completely loyal to me. I’ve never had a relationship like this, and I don’t want to blow it because of some stupid impulse I’m having. 

But at the same time it just feels like torture staying in this relationship. And I have to admit he does help me financially, which is more reason to stay. But I keep find myself looking for another job so that I wouldn’t need him anymore. I feel bad because he does everything right, yet I’m still over here being shitty. I don’t know, just venting",2.648013090229078,4.2468432293906835,3.8168552282998327,89.30325385694253,75.48745519713263,7.002711547452082,23.95839177185601,7.7425588080867325,1.0084775128564751,1067,33,232,15,23,347,140,279,0.11699999999999999,0.7490000000000001,0.134,0.0216,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,3,3,17,17,3,1,14,0,21,1,0,2,3,54,42,22,0,4,11,0,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,14,20,0,2,10,0,0,2,8,5,0,5,5,5,29,12,36,32,7,41,0,0,1,1,23,16,0,4,23,163,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700637829899176,0.0,0.0,0.2024086783636137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852059389390322,0.12441520464092515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709323283251904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699553901005758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26790905945341353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230838997179004,0.0,0.0,0.2751428792203263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639443427499096,0.2187096466072221,0.0,0.0,0.09327015622942278,0.1736042008628118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789387989185212,0.05799631278837,0.0,0.0,0.11250844067590236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840072084639884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126703812208013,0.18141016109980326,0.0,0.0,0.05608299197751106,0.16636571753490348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994222769624456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569474073822457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210243553980914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290771228480194,0.0,0.0,0.07566740684126415,0.07870582087860196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791794786143357,0.1161824900228734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910450447057164,0.10661859220742803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537465509972729,0.1049224896691464,0.0,0.4382460712608168,0.0,0.17429711735166575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753949033145376,0.08149578081766264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672750536796978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653883311132039,0.0,0.08101482863893053,0.11901018858157775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203812803849508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714697976734127
bpd,MyMeanBunny,2018/11/03,"I let go of my FP of 5 years. To get over him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. He was my first in everything, the only man I’ve ever been with, we spent 5 years “together”. I write it like that because he never committed to me. I was so young when I met him, I fell in love and accepted every physical and emotional abuse for 5 years. I never told anybody because I didn’t want to be apart from him. I didn’t know he wasn’t mine until he told me he was sleeping with other women and he had a fuck buddy, two years in. I was 19. I can remember that night as the night when I completely changed. I was no longer a happy woman. I was depressed, I stopped eating, I was self harming. I changed myself for him. The way I dressed, the way I talked, I starved myself to 95 pounds. Yet, I was never enough. I should have left that night.

I did the most vile things to keep this man and he never gave more than 10% effort to keep me. We had accidental pregnancies. The first one, I remember he punched me on my pelvis a few times. The next two were miscarriages. He celebrated each one. I felt dead inside. He was nice sometimes but when he’d beat or slap me to the point of me seeing black, I’d ask God: “Why do I have to go through this for him?”. I sincerely knew I did not deserve this. But I honestly felt like being without him would be worse.

So I let him go back in February, after a suicide attempt. That was the last time we were supposed to speak. It was an honest Good Bye. A week later I was going to meet up with someone I had a thing with before my “ex” and I started being a thing. 
Coincidentally, he flew into the same city I was in for a performance and I knew because I checked his instagram story a few days after the whole “break up” with my abuser. Probably not a good thing to do after a breakup, but the dude lives on the other side of the country so I didn’t expect him to be so close, let alone meet with him.

The night I went to go meet him, my “ex” bombards me with calls and texts asking me where the hell I am. I almost went back to him that night, but he chose to say “Come over and suck me off, but you’re not staying over”. This is when I knew he wouldn’t change. 
J, you failed that night. 

I chose to let him go, again. After that night, he had the nerve to say I was an idiot for never noticing he “Loved me”. Man, the balls on some people. Unfortunately, he made me feel like I was the one who lost him, so I talked to him for months. Again, I was fucking miserable. I was really mad at myself for depending on this guy like this. 

In the end, he ghosted me not long after. I almost started self harming again, I was on the brink of suicide, I felt literal pain. 

But now I can easily say I’ve let him go, again and for good. I’m never letting him back in my life. I’ve mourned. I’ve cried. I realized I was in love with the idea of him, not him. After 6 months of shutting myself out of this world, I’m opening myself up again =). It also turns out the man I met that night and had a thing with before, actually likes me. So even though I’m not getting my hopes up over him, it’s really nice to talk to someone like him and to just talk to someone in general. 

If you’re going through a really hard time right now, I want you to push and force yourself to get out of there. Cry, listen to sad songs, mourn. But push through. You will get out of this. 
I never thought I’d get better, to be honest. But I’m so glad I didn’t make a permanent and fatal decision on me. ",1.3500846571906386,2.9565713057065217,3.2072499999999984,92.23582692307691,79.14945652173913,6.3227090301003335,21.37742474916388,7.199576271509646,0.4530146571906353,2675,74,616,33,65,897,287,736,0.165,0.733,0.102,-0.995,0,1,0,0,2,2,98.0,3,3,0,9,32,41,7,1,40,0,63,10,2,3,10,97,120,38,7,8,18,2,5,6,0,4,2,6,0,9,29,34,1,3,15,2,2,15,21,18,0,7,54,13,113,23,98,49,9,121,1,7,2,5,82,41,4,8,68,425,142,1,0.0,0.12333160383917542,0.050789225645811266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423276818570136,0.053903787146322206,0.0,0.041621034124657764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731165701840798,0.0,0.0,0.12006009974085807,0.0,0.09517997081072227,0.0,0.0885743416445768,0.0,0.0,0.046030310136414614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531446149212004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517277195248906,0.04483287697616879,0.05456906605183477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433980809717625,0.03356525686501674,0.0,0.04482699999902215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532558807714204,0.0,0.05854455733871016,0.04609716032445322,0.05377725857657563,0.0,0.03437578207032988,0.09415687188669873,0.043850859313974665,0.0,0.046775439078367065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02631593714300639,0.037181553742974514,0.14991648567162455,0.0,0.0,0.08854031851616044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962310685494586,0.13595899905856765,0.0,0.23663077190640186,0.1309607271430904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153355764866352,0.0,0.05540375738715661,0.04662284383620462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051693255948448084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875341080914799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252145608237562,0.0,0.0,0.02860302889186477,0.0424243006433645,0.0,0.0,0.05654795021652447,0.319322344867803,0.03676151127175936,0.15256179142311782,0.0,0.04595742437004712,0.04605892472601072,0.0,0.0,0.05681417519536362,0.0,0.14092018980438786,0.049247025929368,0.034740997902229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308497526412778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28098668641215124,0.0,0.05535133421257607,0.3907319113243468,0.0,0.0,0.05925452622402187,0.0,0.0,0.10580281089983187,0.03958320153613458,0.05538043618623524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036082027661857294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049200135213763416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611421108857904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002568065714207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791556690857675,0.04444685730548724,0.0,0.12416680693507172,0.0,0.0,0.041473790781501006,0.0,0.10859030991264856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208342022628553,0.0,0.13229479710163666,0.0,0.05147465998956585,0.0,0.0736766174441268,0.05547393343036342,0.0,0.043512647136976265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385938860401007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732987753559134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074616342671898,0.0,0.05113476701316254,0.04131857810221705,0.09104503189996037,0.0,0.0,0.09946404827817593,0.0,0.0,0.056610921345222026,0.1016824332510243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061395961939248025,0.08262311995482324,0.0417480281553966,0.0,0.0,0.09649401787675238,0.04696326938493575,0.058107314269046174,0.0,0.05017032608746193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303915058142633,0.03697186674242468,0.0,0.0,0.13406324114544022
bpd,VintageBlazers,2018/11/03,"How do you come back from completely losing your cool on someone for no reason? Can I redeem myself or is it even worth it? Geez. Im just having such a crappy day at work. Nothing is going right and the hits keep coming. Someone came up to me wanting to talk about it, completely innocent and meaning no harm. And I just freaking snapped. Let out some hateful statements that were so unnecessary and snotty. I ended up walking away and felt so awful about it as soon as I did. I texted them I was sorry and they responded back “yeah” so I’m guessing they were (rightfully) pissed. So now I’m obsessing over the whole thing and wanting to spill my heart out to them and tell them how sorry I am and what an idiot I am blah blah blah. So what do I do now? Just leave it and move on or come back with something explain that my day has just been so overwhelming and terrible. I just feel so bad and out of touch right now. ",1.4748918918918932,3.820749610810811,2.7515540540540577,91.81057432432436,82.62162162162161,5.645945945945948,21.682432432432428,6.961326702584282,0.5917621621621616,718,23,149,9,20,231,110,185,0.244,0.711,0.045,-0.9895,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,5,2,25,11,3,2,4,3,16,2,2,3,0,40,33,25,0,2,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,20,0,1,6,0,1,7,2,10,0,0,7,4,21,1,22,24,2,30,0,2,0,0,11,13,1,4,10,114,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124453431807223,0.3055678151636264,0.11060114568241776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150248436201413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423156642717353,0.277770055579992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085546701671886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732297904127913,0.0,0.0,0.08749062048460854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697731747789996,0.0,0.12718533768383386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528182565230981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592302570234508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307798757060236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569693973335639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308286606491913,0.0,0.0,0.11773927912716756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402592842720454,0.0,0.13545248236062474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819231297995594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429113596386914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407872995218528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710190570278118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361941163932562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393682607387979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447108959105852,0.10197655687789096,0.0,0.2965631647140929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064688127040331,0.11577857765710305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880025898836381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626032287278435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789030747553294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643470585681713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_lady_midnight_,2018/11/03,"I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired of being a mass of hunger barely contained in human skin. I'm tired of wanting, wanting, wanting.

I started feeling this way because I've been hurt by my current FP, and it was almost going to turn into a rant about what they did and what kind of person I need instead, but I know the truth; it's *me* that's the problem. The truth is he could have done everything right and I'd still be flip-flopping between despair and elation because if he hadn't done anything to hurt me I would have made up stories in my head about things he was absolutely definitely doing every time he went quiet for any length of time. 

I want to be stable for myself. I'm tired of building a staircase of real actual humans with their own needs and lives and weaknesses and then being shocked when they get up and leave - for good or just right now - and missing a step and falling through the gap into the depths below. I need to build my own stable ground to walk on so I'm not constantly falling when someone isn't there to hold me up. I know what I need to do but I don't know *how*.

I want to get better. I do. I have no money and I just moved to a foreign country where I knew not a single person when I got here two months ago (great idea, btw! Don't do it!) and I'm working on getting access to health care and you better believe when I do I'm going to milk the shit out of therapy, but until then, I don't know.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of the pain and despair building up inside me like I'm one giant blister of misery until my whole skin is threatening to burst and spew it over everything in radius. I'm tired of the sadist bitch in my head who looks at me and says ""suffer. You deserve to suffer. Do it now."" and I'm tired of the pressure building and building and building until I put my cigarette out on my arm - again - and the hurt zooms in on that one charred spot and everything feels clear for just a second - and then it begins again.

I'm so fucking tired. I just want to be okay by myself and to enjoy people for what they bring and not because they feel like a lifesaver when I'm constantly constantly drowning.

I feel so lost and alone. So tired. I don't know what to do but it has to stop. It has to. ",1.7606175115207383,3.5667541354838725,3.2431259600614446,91.53040322580645,78.61290322580646,5.546850998463904,22.899385560675878,6.3073786221475325,0.4281643625192011,1743,55,373,13,42,572,202,465,0.21100000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.126,-0.9925,1,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,2,5,4,26,29,3,1,18,1,33,23,6,2,3,78,85,47,1,14,14,0,6,2,0,1,14,2,0,4,18,30,2,3,11,0,1,10,10,17,0,4,12,9,42,12,65,66,4,65,0,9,1,1,17,27,3,3,29,246,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.05741761466174119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215653144171848,0.0,0.05891797760955606,0.06093865066500186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001200687015132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841884126086439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076016973685942,0.0,0.0,0.06629052469273508,0.0,0.104075247321321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998948608449507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074963767432448,0.0,0.04697753051620837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042385336848956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495737375528125,0.0,0.15863999317679678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900148656543733,0.042034035726925885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054394985769153074,0.0922216236039585,0.0,0.06687823207417169,0.04935070690886153,0.04705829906266881,0.06486934465370907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076997595166762,0.06254227586934383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896259250605651,0.06642118793911678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061270951281338575,0.16167973326909624,0.0,0.0,0.062301178822536066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749076397374288,0.0,0.051955225734832716,0.0,0.04940928554837559,0.0,0.0642288669931923,0.0,0.0,0.055674145886144916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696410541050874,0.06253571568524721,0.0,0.1745111767241732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974060048011562,0.0,0.06260801389088813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04079101293944755,0.1027505274444266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056300229732400627,0.0,0.05914866176605504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697077505234897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004950358364968,0.0,0.04679051369474031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060396586730902126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985343239730661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164599456081962,0.0,0.04698827805206971,0.04919138605589804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728663173540474,0.0,0.03908949855007618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861807784395695,0.7438846557852458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639990869345765,0.057476390868710175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822583764114186,0.04670303990063012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454361889909491,0.0,0.06569077077480409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042834924514737895,0.0,0.0,0.041796982941732674,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chochymilk,2018/11/03,"I can’t go on like this I can’t keep living the way I have. Last night my boyfriend (my fp) said that he was thinking about leaving because he can’t endure my behavior anymore. It almost killed me to hear that, but he’s right. I can’t keep doing this- screaming and crying when he leaves, the splitting and accusations, the jealousy and the rage over the simplest of things, the self harm only to spite him, things like sending fifty desperate and angry texts when he has dinner with his mother without me. I’ve spent so long blaming him and thinking that my misery is his fault and that if he only loved me more everything would be okay. But that’s a lie, an unfair lie. I am my one destroying my relationship and my happiness, not him, and he’s been kinder to me than I’ve deserved. If he didn’t really love me he would have left me long before this. All I’m doing is hurting myself, and hurting the person I care most about too. The way I act, feel, and think is damaging everything around me, and I can’t let this disorder destroy my life. I’m going to go into therapy, starting tomorrow, and I’m going to do everything I can to move beyond this. Part of me is terrified to change; I don’t know who I am without BPD. Most of the time it feels like BPD is the only constant of my identity, but it’s not an identity I can live with. I just want to be happy, to be loved. I want to make my partner feel happy and loved. I’m going to change. It’ll be a long hard process, but it’s one I need to begin. ",4.109726688102897,4.473535623794213,5.347811897106112,84.41766639871383,70.57556270096462,8.406495176848876,27.76864951768489,8.395991825355821,1.7493329903536967,1173,38,249,17,20,392,149,311,0.22899999999999998,0.617,0.154,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,0,9,23,5,0,14,1,32,6,0,1,1,47,64,22,1,7,11,1,4,3,1,3,1,3,0,3,18,17,1,2,7,0,1,8,11,11,0,2,5,7,39,12,28,51,5,29,0,3,0,4,27,7,0,5,15,163,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925424783361531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839640474620432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934764384896548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433490735147306,0.0,0.07584597798227588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22452085199862232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087746517504887,0.0,0.1885826857180221,0.0,0.0,0.0963215650293871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790887977734193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021546249103483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403221196959132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520561047852575,0.06367693519761247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25328289184411884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846525586236016,0.07984603941537448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045984573567834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083834563575308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845176358342428,0.09861292632910944,0.0,0.04898539823787909,0.07265563622074271,0.0,0.18875885020368124,0.09684372488537596,0.09114496398696437,0.06295757265013242,0.13063826451735006,0.0,0.15741289100989314,0.2366408234570403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32178557701809435,0.0,0.059497251981800885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473472262086384,0.0,0.0660913037455859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364567941751529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079822842560008,0.20336995408160427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096522811115354,0.0,0.0,0.07782786692318583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710115316258944,0.0,0.0,0.09569593904469938,0.0,0.07611945622132092,0.08478629661710865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929855994614388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308909556335325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193183725007818,0.0,0.1184325712739458,0.17133929521672125,0.0,0.0,0.051974415740616835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051464045000885,0.14149992470882009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184287806789353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266356526661815,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ekurana,2018/11/03,"Borderline Personality Disorder by Shay Callow I am BPD.
I am the demon that possesses your mind,
I am the ghost of all you want to leave behind.
I am the monster that will make you unstable,
The voice in your head making you suicidal.
I am your heart making your emotions intense,
I am your mind, muddled and making no sense.
I am your brain making you neurotic,
With the perfect balance of a handful of psychotic.
I am your self-esteem making you feel worthless,
I will make sure you feel that you have no purpose.
I am your impulsiveness making you act reckless;
Your need to harm yourself is becoming endless.
I am your soul feeling neglected,
You feel it very deeply because you need to be protected.
I am your extreme paranoia,
Making you live in a shell, I’m a merciless destroyer.
I am your fear of rejection, you will outburst at the slightest disaffection.
So, I am BPD and I will ruin your life,
I will cover you in scars made by the blade of a knife.",5.6784426229508185,6.581708825136616,6.477718579234973,75.78247950819673,67.30601092896175,9.597267759562843,33.82923497267761,9.725611199111238,3.34616612021858,757,34,136,16,12,250,93,183,0.24100000000000002,0.693,0.065,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,26,0,1,1,9,1,1,11,0,21,5,4,10,3,26,39,3,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,6,42,2,16,32,1,5,2,4,0,0,27,4,0,0,0,100,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727544808712783,0.131812387682769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006335858138538,0.13323375760306447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678511782262295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342523697182143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430161494816814,0.2413872157142879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248724397583086,0.0,0.0,0.1414299915310926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263741195654758,0.0,0.0,0.08430023604249312,0.0,0.0,0.10538798836804683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293158976915516,0.7170017771232259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410183865969545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699260856421475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421157100145136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450778600873401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054922122238194,0.0,0.11248569760788056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847601739793294,0.0703955564458875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,akbworldwide,2018/11/03,"Dissociating Worse Than Ever Hi everyone. This is my first post so sorry if I’ve missed anything. 

I’m 25 F with BPD, PTSD, and ED. I’m in therapy and safe. I currently choose to not take meds. 

So my experience of BPD is that it’s not unusual for me to experience some dissociating and sleep disturbance under times of stress. But lately, these symptoms have gotten so much worse. I’m sleep walking almost every night, and doing things about the house like turning on taps, lighting the oven, and taking out the bins (not even on bin night I might add... but thanks sleep me for the effort). 

I’ve also dissociated and wandered off. Like getting on the wrong bus or walking the complete wrong direction. It feels like losing time sometimes. 

I’ve kind of accepted these BPD symptoms (I call them brain farts) as my mind telling me to take a break, but these symptoms are difficult to control. 

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How do you control it? ",3.8587840946434433,6.386809692737433,4.601386789352613,80.8269766677621,74.97765363128492,7.340256325994085,27.28918830101873,8.313332769828598,2.0699310548800525,761,30,137,14,17,244,115,179,0.133,0.768,0.099,-0.6917,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,5,8,15,0,2,7,0,8,7,4,3,1,29,20,17,0,1,8,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,10,9,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,1,3,11,8,20,18,2,19,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,5,12,80,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092475243797558,0.0,0.0,0.08060023039510629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047340327910308,0.10326934881147168,0.16588008502158075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808173608840292,0.11251288466591408,0.10291594855809408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567443574444878,0.0,0.22608491385751245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419554897893723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665696086882929,0.0911686329635716,0.08491834568896149,0.09630737649670157,0.0,0.1971802598916661,0.0,0.0,0.05096150639690266,0.0720030595385024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573033109034156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265763755695102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629596886138435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495532672026743,0.0,0.0,0.11369339960097333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969599554136428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127561358125718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195289032780988,0.0,0.0,0.10692027751612868,0.1017672788841471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409087168946912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916566309440272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652716722681763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781592933866195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025827511227129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968203678559806,0.11282405883640965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545246131007525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31427237153446397,0.22734038944587795,0.0,0.08809326721458519,0.09279216792576124,0.11526000935204404,0.0,0.06695915447462979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175407371424756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962854237686856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542342816470568,0.0,0.220391994281917,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dussimm,2018/11/03,"How to live in relationship when I have BPD? Hi, I am 23 years old male with BPD, masochistic personality disorder and depression, sometime ago I started relationship with wonderful and amaing girl, who helped me a lot with my problems. She also have BPD and depression. Most of the time our live looks amazing but from time to time I have ""attacks"" in which I feel a lot of misunderstating from her side, loneliness and depression including self harm thoughts. I becoming aggressive and starts shouting for example, I say things that hurts her and she in revange says simillar things. She said that she lost almost all of trust in me. She is very helpfull and understanding all the time but she has her limit, our relationship is getting worse and worse. I have my bad time more and more often yet she still gave me last try. She is the first person in my life who wants to help me and I dont want to lose her. I don't know what to do. How to change and how to treat my disorders.   
Right now, I attend psychotherapy once a week. I don't take any drugs for my depression and I don't visit any psychiatrist. Every time I went ot psychiatrist I was only getting my diagnosis and drugs, and stronger drugs and even stronger etc, this is how this looks like in my shitty country. But maybe I am doing myself more harm and I should reallly go there again and start to take this pills.   
I really want help, I really want to change but I don't know how to do it.   
If I lose her I fear my depression will kick in and I think I can even commit suicide.  And even worse I feel that if I will continue she will do something to herself.   
I really need a help, direction to follow, tips from peoples that had problems like this and they recovered. ",3.5514143077714837,5.613659719402985,4.413679876479669,83.99358208955225,74.19402985074628,8.20277920741122,25.880082346886248,8.939507131559953,1.9828661863098305,1366,48,273,30,29,440,160,335,0.22399999999999998,0.662,0.114,-0.9928,0,0,4,0,0,2,34.0,2,0,1,5,16,23,2,1,7,0,27,5,0,5,3,59,55,33,1,10,6,0,2,2,0,4,5,4,0,5,15,23,0,1,8,0,0,5,5,17,0,1,7,8,58,6,30,44,9,35,0,9,2,0,39,9,0,8,23,189,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665625730888212,0.0,0.07529741275165072,0.0,0.0,0.060133799383538016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227101195798732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855457157718318,0.0,0.0,0.06278508613030237,0.0,0.08304750150141149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841182297980007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909369771168194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238287901297097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723610728467216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812854428448676,0.0,0.26160865664374444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386283889388886,0.14899771902434233,0.0,0.06335543631339277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461582226924487,0.07604218962977798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396123814534281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785730710033555,0.0,0.0427353250137088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016077847713792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049831816948844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265094019496955,0.06129435362500045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311279237394072,0.07347342797517427,0.0,0.1327979756089378,0.0,0.1262905319783681,0.16824901906552958,0.08208475078025877,0.12785701870101926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554396812058997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055756496729468016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890500858667658,0.08008073367629938,0.0,0.057189552114513764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213107887398599,0.13131558803162216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390384083671434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451645280661032,0.0,0.0,0.2421954180042413,0.0,0.06421653033492204,0.07152812249298769,0.1195969300196478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784452867236047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788915537307932,0.07437025394125371,0.0,0.1596712464918565,0.0,0.06005120865523684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225165203415205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307528778101245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991307325873827,0.0481822282810216,0.0,0.05969681288961001,0.26308253979189444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105279597352599,0.0,0.0,0.07828114814655615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204414734061405,0.1774089729321176,0.0,0.06031727953312978,0.0,0.0,0.06970696469642165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154629205598131,0.0,0.0,0.2298918593169132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842342470156651
bpd,idiotbean,2018/11/03,I don’t know how to live with BPD anymore I’m sitting here crying from physical pain in my chest because I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with BPD. It’s been over 10 years and I’ve gone through so many psychiatrists and DBT therapy and medication and I’m still left sitting here in pain. The thought of having to live the rest of my life with unbearable ups and downs and infatuations and heartbreaks is...... terrifying. I don’t want to do it. I want to die but I’m too much of a coward but I also don’t want to live with these emotions. I just want to disappear. I can’t do this anymore ,1.4922395833333333,3.3829570781250027,3.4121875000000017,89.59739583333338,79.78125,6.766666666666668,24.729166666666664,7.793537801064563,1.1826854166666665,478,18,108,8,12,161,67,128,0.16,0.7979999999999999,0.043,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,0,10,6,1,2,0,24,22,13,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,10,0,21,19,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,69,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619421229455372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881917927732469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857189613507256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659937699855274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960228061573994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079567605656827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343992568110413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970321166814194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578659605766037,0.0,0.20525558457707166,0.0,0.0,0.5132007732215915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473086746093206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637176130837146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681024647167033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092131800433162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160346254279967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616014532554976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534984021153474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34280048949437225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356670869766216
bpd,vicsk8,2018/11/03,"Emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman? It's a book that teachs you how to be healthy and manage your emotions, but the question is: Does this book help to understand emotions to BPD people? Does any book helps with that? ",6.4316666666666675,8.439479500000004,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,66.5,8.333333333333334,33.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.865333333333333,180,8,31,3,3,53,33,40,0.0,0.722,0.278,0.8931,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,18,6,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798665368687294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27408031056748444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38087525741557415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7343676739345857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917274490037897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086785136763495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437802365963556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265464072211217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bunnynumnumz,2018/11/03,DAE get wayyy too easily jealous?? Tw: sex And it’s always been like this for me... but nothing feels worse than adoring your partner and ONLY wanting them to finding them watching porn and not even trying to hide it 😬 bleckkk I like my share of porn as well but only if I’ve gone days without seeing my lover plus I more so think about him than what I’m watching :/ and we really haven’t gone days without seeing each other lately 😔 I want to get over this bs but damn it hurts like hell...,1.2018545454545446,3.5232230400000013,2.4694545454545462,93.5497272727273,83.6,4.4363636363636365,20.090909090909093,5.565023196281405,-0.1245999999999996,384,11,79,2,11,123,73,100,0.156,0.634,0.21,0.6687,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,2,0,5,11,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,19,13,11,0,3,7,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,3,5,11,7,13,10,2,6,1,1,4,4,8,1,2,1,6,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144975003218574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26576985552214605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609379888009074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418485460357277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832557573074804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530479377556275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058032824020826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243289188824345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019962384600507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771012133847665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134199686201993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320006319017122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32838966280765675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202824569819122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989413380923446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306675202661202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852633106151213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972488686556357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998211698082875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wistfulwishing,2018/11/03,"Blocking your fp after a rejection I just blocked my fp on everything because he didn't want to get back together with me. He just wants friendship. I feel awful, but I really can't take it anymore. Did I do the wrong thing",2.721,4.696629488888892,4.268611111111113,84.49625000000003,76.33333333333333,8.055555555555555,29.027777777777786,8.841846274778883,2.4884444444444447,177,8,35,4,4,59,37,45,0.281,0.677,0.043,-0.8364,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,7,0,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673882272752229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848542458386446,0.0,0.2258237238079337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33293781492433616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731134934724364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354555706049664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732064099219505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27853333570756583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461114370935417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370036458446547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050304313294878,0.0,0.0
bpd,rollinduchess,2018/11/03,"Bpd practicing exposure therapy with triggers 32 female 
I have (normal) interactions, but quickly switch into a person overwhelmed with foreign feelings of animosity, jealousy, nervousness.  It just feels so random and unwarranted... anyone else have these quick switches aroudlnd larger crowds? This is in a setting where there are casual drinkers and amongst close friends/partner.

",11.723947368421054,14.61680907017544,9.42714912280702,52.855460526315795,54.78947368421053,11.314035087719299,49.337719298245624,11.20814326018867,6.938477192982456,315,20,32,8,4,94,53,57,0.157,0.7859999999999999,0.057,-0.7964,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,13,6,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,5,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491561680576393,0.3651050471590264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487886680308455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976703178079904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36034512486960296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34913047217564497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311136043010854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074975937618499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nonvoco,2018/11/03,"Having a day Where I just feel disassociated and empty. Nothing interesting has happened, just woke up feeling numb but also like my nerves are buzzing? Feeling rough. 

Trying to get through my shift at work, only an hour and a half left. 

I hate feeling this way because trying to communicate with anyone feels draining and impossible, and then I get more angry because I don't have a reason to be feeling this way other than BPD, which I always feel like I'm copping out even though I know I can only control so much. ",8.219285714285714,7.469012969387755,8.309102040816324,70.40018367346939,62.163265306122454,9.47265306122449,36.94693877551021,8.238735603445708,3.07273224489796,413,17,71,4,5,135,71,98,0.158,0.7170000000000001,0.126,-0.6449,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,2,0,19,21,9,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,9,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,8,9,3,9,19,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149074468452232,0.13681490872992902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496989812803997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046410833952952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708773877349348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441680339703687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604062857951918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086012704538416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5819681253350913,0.11746537040738435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181072415672788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540062998808406,0.0,0.0,0.16233580894500846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192566615342607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036377034649502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786484223838405,0.0,0.0,0.16065965992538064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087141494530015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777037995581167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501054938421313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905645412868026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154688933706493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232677871547771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610260845148489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197034780858054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,howlingg_wolff,2018/11/03,"I LOVE YOU!!! I literally love you all, you are all AWESOME! HELLO MY PEOPLE!!! Not *my* people, you know...just like...my *people*... :) Whoever you are, reading this, you are a good person, and you are worthy of love! <3 I am so happy to be here. I want to hug and comfort every person struggling with BPD, I feel your pain every one of you. It's so strange and so wonderful being in a place where there are so many people like me. 

​

I will now disappear indefinitely to process the situation. 

​

Take care :)",0.598901515151514,3.0556022424242464,2.6756502525252546,86.90014204545456,97.28282828282828,4.8992424242424235,20.328914141414145,6.6274283507984215,0.6891459595959595,398,14,75,6,16,133,62,99,0.077,0.529,0.39299999999999996,0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,9,0,0,8,11,0,1,3,0,9,5,0,0,2,11,17,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,18,9,7,14,2,5,0,0,0,4,15,3,0,2,2,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989315160953714,0.3352419490571489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737396977866485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064638713580646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23245296930202625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975026059418457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157035854508417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684738357030713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581218590654518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478808995288574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735082626327893,0.0,0.0,0.1398568320383549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347660813239328,0.0,0.14678557084318306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825409398882013,0.24090038779465836,0.14412548704186276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798455307231375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505845795857098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421238860919094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371914364758753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136484597568767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959787846947578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352419490571489,0.0
bpd,quietsun22,2018/11/03,Tips? Tips on how to calm yourself down when you find yourself getting irrational/emotions get out of control? ,4.047192982456142,7.3794460000000015,3.027368421052632,84.63824561403509,89.0,4.63859649122807,37.91228070175438,6.42735559955562,3.060775438596492,90,6,13,1,3,26,17,19,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316529943721527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332079541144467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332450874476367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953110794709718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,morganfreemansnips,2018/11/03,"Found out i had BPD, tried to tell my dad about it. He told me ""we all have it dont stress, nowadays freakin doctors have an acronym for everything."" I told him that its a real disorder and it affects the structure of the brain during childhood development and he said, "" they don't really know and they assume they know""I sent him an MRI study from pub med and still nothing. anyone else go through something like this? how did you get your parents to understand?",4.498555194805191,6.3673136931818215,4.331038961038964,86.40227272727276,71.1590909090909,7.301298701298702,29.61688311688312,7.957251820313856,1.9360337662337657,367,15,70,5,7,112,72,88,0.031,0.91,0.059000000000000004,0.3595,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,6,3,1,2,1,14,15,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,1,12,1,8,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,17,1,0,1,3,44,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368175749435754,0.19589273970126164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079218408928216,0.21342690239225767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911581955991413,0.19568706153568435,0.0,0.0,0.22406867036259334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597114434239912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182572745893526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962567652988934,0.0,0.0,0.09988683966680842,0.0,0.10865545926214293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014174719512568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340386504192527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123646431026335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344820702160453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122895245291613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176116232374184,0.12247870308385345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186175013624645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471843904624982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268145623295135,0.0,0.21900301698011884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710506711342255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653729989102834,0.0,0.12980280344985107,0.0,0.0,0.1990314593536711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,melanchocat,2018/11/03,"How to deal with bullying at workplace? Ive been working here for two months, today i was doing a task they ordered from me, and they ended up laughing and taking out all my work out, saying i did it wrong and to have common sense, i tried my best and told them to be patient with me im learning and never had experience in this field of work, as i was getting closer i heard a comment of one of them: atleast i kmow how to clean. I dont think she noticed i heard, but it hurt, i dont even know what to think or do",4.708108108108107,3.682592558558557,5.76373873873874,86.68993243243244,69.36036036036036,8.12072072072072,29.31081081081081,6.42735559955562,1.2587405405405412,398,12,92,2,6,133,75,111,0.086,0.852,0.062,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,4,4,4,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,2,2,19,20,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,8,3,19,2,18,11,2,12,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,5,70,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992405736836944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573164223568293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450160955627658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681547259366834,0.0,0.0,0.1253970997825025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857141209928982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919113483088683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032431577192233,0.0,0.20507542789990285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043390623287294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154004223535913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642748649321816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615059469124911,0.0,0.0,0.12865031558682385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509799102854515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274694845322708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433021818211119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799598569835298,0.1814141007932912,0.0,0.12889873602337662,0.0,0.18546024934675745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146489886290471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757608045767656,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShiverySandScout,2018/11/03,"Even though I know it wouldn't necessarily make me feel better, I can't help but feel jealous of other people with mental health issues that have relationships and other normal human things. Relationships in particular have just felt like something unattainable to me, and have been throughout my entire life. Whether it be a fling or a LTR I have 0 experience. I just don't understand how people can get out and do things without getting are angry, bitter, and uncomfortable like I do. I just sit in my room all day because I feel like I don't really have a choice. All of my previous attempts to socialize have just been my having to sit quietly and hide until I can feel better.

​

At this point it's not even about wanting sex or the specific things that come with a relationship. I just want validation, to know that someone somewhere sees me as a person and not some untouchable. I'm 25 though, and it feels too late for me, like that no one has time for me and even if they did they would quickly abandon me since I'm an emotional time bomb and I don't have a lot to offer.",7.581288237828523,6.9006665687203785,7.717449375269282,73.89720809995694,63.40758293838864,10.705902628177512,33.39982766049117,10.018931242160765,3.1019630331753563,870,30,164,16,11,283,120,211,0.11699999999999999,0.7659999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.2561,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,3,14,9,2,0,8,0,24,3,0,2,2,47,42,19,0,6,13,0,6,4,0,2,2,1,1,2,14,13,0,1,9,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,4,9,23,6,19,35,4,15,0,1,1,1,10,6,0,5,10,123,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313413482098721,0.14729503981648912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389432180446685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144177091676388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044199218746939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817659128616984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635569510174808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240193138625035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185759949409879,0.0,0.0,0.3064612719358554,0.08659928157376331,0.1163897923234686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266644392899758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885072928659733,0.0,0.0,0.08125091933046094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652173219915006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323820569693734,0.0,0.13674094945726886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562096376356224,0.2368870260089601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305653944950773,0.0,0.0,0.08091500103212111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216081053900756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876943650977033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214151454192907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680767670356921,0.10584424864435144,0.0,0.0,0.11459167070577272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765635744823153,0.0,0.0,0.390433343489889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659629908546226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002740769518372,0.0,0.0,0.12356808114459207,0.1027089441908477,0.0933207435151446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415986782834777,0.0,0.2381952146159769,0.0,0.14136820653775034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619384237298836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299688044837602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685133508753855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611090113306147,0.0,0.14729503981648912,0.0
bpd,snow_red95,2018/11/03,"Making everything about myself... I can’t even properly argue with my boyfriend because every tiny little thing he says that is critical of me sends me spiraling, completely derails the conversation from whatever the issue was, and puts me and my feelings back in the center. Idk how to stop doing this, I’m worried he’s going to get completely fed up with it one day.",7.572352941176473,8.05341329411765,8.045882352941177,67.65647058823532,63.11764705882353,11.505882352941176,36.117647058823536,11.20814326018867,4.463282352941175,296,13,47,8,4,98,57,68,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,8,10,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,2,7,0,9,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959764793849781,0.0,0.15536415201812834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344450056887052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643677012826901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833681033389636,0.0,0.21473587923650947,0.0,0.2290574277062328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886807667496056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331571406339723,0.0,0.1448464113779114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660142370208129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554430231066492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701252574476102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270402435062512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562110608760454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026799388983726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307966792543265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932186787656586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25882913434216703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sonsofki,2018/11/03,"I had a fight with my dad and now everything is fucked First time poster in here. Title says it all. He got really mad at me for a small thing that escalated into an argument. My dad used to blow up and be really angry when I was younger, but the past few years have been pretty good (no anger explosions). This “thing” really triggered some pretty awful childhood memories, and now I’ve lost all the trust I’d built with my parents. The things he said confirmed all the paranoid thoughts I have each day: They want me out of here. They’re tired of me being alive/here. I’m a burden to them and they think I’m not possible to help.

I live with my parents because I’m not in enough shape to live by my self. The past two days I’ve been in my room all day and I haven’t talked to my dad yet. Today I spoke to my GP and someone at my psychologists office, and I’m going to an emergency meeting there on Monday (help is coming I guess)

I haven’t been this close to self harming in a couple of years. This whole situation was the last straw in me keeping a somewhat together appearance. Now all I want to to is escape. I feel like a weird mix of a guest and a prisoner in my own home. I’m so stressed/scared that I’ve been locked inside my bedroom since this happened. 

Not sure what I’m looking for by posting this here. Maybe sympathy. Maybe some advice. Maybe someone to relate to. Probably just to have “someone” to tell even if it is on reddit. Sorry for the messy post, I don’t have anyone to talk to. Hope you guys can understand. 

Tl;dr: childhood trauma caused by my dad has fucked up present relations with my parents (who I live with) and now I’ve isolated myself for two days and don’t really know what to do.",2.51139446036294,4.282352140401148,3.756169054441262,88.85295463228277,76.30659025787966,7.060210124164279,23.381184336198665,7.908726449838941,1.097142043935052,1343,41,284,21,30,438,179,349,0.185,0.73,0.084,-0.9896,3,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,1,3,2,13,15,5,0,17,1,24,3,0,3,6,49,52,14,0,4,6,7,1,1,1,0,1,3,3,3,15,20,0,1,5,0,0,3,8,10,0,3,12,5,34,5,47,38,13,45,0,1,1,2,28,18,2,7,23,182,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907327600465242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492346179102493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056601006394556175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538338311768764,0.0,0.07998277163146432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273768140405512,0.0,0.2395244254356564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593973177279734,0.0,0.06132709994153799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344834224569572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694817135861885,0.06633265412585804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897887168627944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167819909782805,0.0,0.0,0.052769268522593664,0.077878874003886,0.07426129377045869,0.0,0.10228566138233824,0.09193692331993157,0.08210768556921971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447191319398483,0.0,0.09313695676458918,0.09222182836067637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253008720342428,0.0,0.0,0.051028389925595545,0.07568582207620744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045362227254077216,0.0,0.24596696170850255,0.0,0.07797131520223519,0.0,0.10135765327967353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27984342726343336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092995879034338,0.0,0.1772732540564368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467536386807436,0.17785086462837071,0.18892535663797105,0.100108902963406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793048652025614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832240544651633,0.07383870969344633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937273390630288,0.0,0.0,0.07680716910532727,0.10436822734177907,0.0,0.0,0.2360166301670909,0.0,0.0,0.1039389064831213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751081188888284,0.0,0.0,0.1492599659527113,0.08115572119316927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505790432212646,0.05949506506297845,0.0,0.07371319039469905,0.054142067799223384,0.10671837439350326,0.08801173355552996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814035454822888,0.09666099241031748,0.0,0.0801933083964727,0.0,0.0,0.10953165476066196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366463989739724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958578529780085
bpd,HISTHISISATHROWAWAY,2019/04/11,"Please help me stop tormenting my boyfriend and myself Hi. I have it stuck in my head that my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore and wants to break up with me. I really truly believe it too. My mind gas gone everywhere from he's been cheating on me to he's just going to leave me after my exams are finished. I keep seeing patterns in his texting response time and convincing myself he's taking longer because he doesn't love me anymore. I'm acting cold and distant and different to him. He asked why and I told him it's because I'm not doing well and ""I'm convinced you don't love me but I don't want to talk about it because it's not fair to you to have to convince me you love me all the time."" Because I always get these feelings and he has to convince me. I want to keep this away from him, but it is putting such a strain on our conversations and on me and I don't know how he feels with our conversations. How do I stop thinking all this? Thanks.

TL;DR I am batshit and am thoroughly convinced my boyfriend wants to break up with me, how doi stop?",2.622940876656472,4.223713628440373,3.639755351681959,90.53855249745158,75.55963302752293,6.312334352701327,26.331294597349643,6.937597516519254,1.034427319062182,833,31,178,8,18,268,105,218,0.14,0.76,0.1,-0.6087,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,3,0,0,8,13,1,1,2,0,15,5,1,3,2,38,41,16,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,14,0,5,4,0,0,4,7,2,1,0,4,4,39,11,26,37,2,21,0,0,1,4,27,8,0,0,7,116,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932316930000936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26059800456314264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282760365175847,0.0,0.12344089857189837,0.0,0.0,0.32036525636015994,0.0,0.0,0.14802634245179738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726976828866005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286480144981336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864344338971264,0.0,0.07466934474774986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483931452481085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806485723517497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23356274233044666,0.0,0.0,0.07220597415796094,0.0,0.0,0.13911815714661366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743217753531744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266178983920093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422170360579292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207860554326162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416884496122079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046971450724044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295322065290702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987854619458608,0.10560259945604994,0.0,0.12096201465802164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418645261446568,0.0,0.0,0.15322375462245846,0.0,0.0,0.12554437026182946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099780277080633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813124409720625,0.0,0.11855487852010314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,acolyte23,2019/04/11,"Vengeful feelings and rage I was diagnosed with BPD few months ago, but I stopped seeing my therapist cause I couldnt afford it. 

Here goes my problem: during and after the rage, I always have vengeful thoughts about the person I’m angry with. This did not only happen to one person and in one specific instance, but to many different ones as well. Ultimately, I have noticed that I have vengeful thoughts and will not deny that I wanna act on it just so I could hurt the person back. 

While I haven’t really acted on any of my vengeful thoughts, it stresses me out that I have thoughts like these whenever I’m so mad at someone. It’s literally driving me crazy. Of course, there are feelings of guilt and shame, but those would come after my rage would pass. 

Even so, my vengeful thoughts have been more common especially that I’m almost always mad at someone. (Context: I’m a student in an all-girls school and it has been a very toxic environment for me. Backstabbing and gossip culture is wild. So yeah, there are girls in my class which i hate so much and want to get even just for the heck of it.)

How do I tone it down? What do I do when I start having these thoughts? I know I sound crazy and evil but this has been a real problem to me.",3.515775510204082,5.279312444897965,4.166275510204084,87.01104591836737,73.53061224489795,6.6959183673469385,26.535714285714285,7.365786028017652,1.3055265306122452,979,35,194,11,20,311,133,245,0.259,0.693,0.048,-0.9965,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,17,16,7,3,8,1,25,1,0,2,0,43,45,22,0,8,8,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,4,18,13,0,1,9,0,0,5,4,14,1,3,11,4,26,2,26,29,3,24,0,1,1,0,6,9,1,1,11,141,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033141187682371,0.0,0.11670751041295566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395707724051867,0.0,0.0,0.07925767139169501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961938799465331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679004253893954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972846380248575,0.0,0.10039709292219967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305530933577204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829531115092155,0.0,0.12176944384811875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395971972187816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178618801593114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089231467053949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306435710558516,0.0,0.0,0.11506852333104435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476867348652736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405256907869998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694020914616496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816292180663095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302871625286586,0.0,0.08567730879020749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269240291084294,0.0,0.0,0.23693091663483234,0.08864116315564327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052996404032746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230443037705432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265887160251122,0.07466460800541093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795433821605368,0.09287487905671424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975040629937224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249435131793169,0.0,0.0,0.097440618861556,0.13350708329780314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532297771707708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551638090073704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616556143436583,0.0687439275772891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479201701975556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655868724560979,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,finding_ferris,2019/04/11,"How can I best support my partner during a low? Hi, I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post. If it is please let me know where to post, i figured this would be the best sub to ask.

My partner of about 5 years on/off was diagnosed with BPD last spring, after a really bad episode where they were suicidal. Since I have known my partner, they have always kind of had highs and lows, lows especially around spring time, but it seems to have gotten worse over the past 2 years. 

They sometimes get manic and do irrational things, like spend all of their money at once, go to far away places when they have work the next day, etc, but nothing too dangerous.

Then sometimes they get really depressed and just want to be alone. When they get depressed they dont talk to me much. One of the few times I talked to them this week I asked them what was the best way that I could support them, and they could not seem to give an answer at all, and then changed the subject. 

Nothing i do seems to help. I know its not my responsibility to help them get better but i want to be the best girlfriend I can be. In the past we have ended up splitting up because they cant handle a relationship when they get like this (hence the ""on/off"". I really don't want that to happen this time. I want to help them without overwhelming them. 

What can i do? If you were going through a low, what could your partner do to help?",4.642056737588651,5.079430936170212,4.7469503546099325,88.93333333333334,69.42553191489364,7.826950354609928,25.95035460992908,7.594959193182576,1.0500695035460992,1092,29,240,11,18,340,144,282,0.11,0.708,0.183,0.9756,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,2,17,6,10,20,1,1,15,0,31,1,0,1,2,37,55,17,1,11,10,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,4,14,8,0,0,8,0,2,2,6,10,0,1,6,0,39,10,32,40,9,43,0,7,0,0,36,18,0,6,22,164,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123630340797813,0.0,0.0,0.07329924625421216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842017716283918,0.16470745999282413,0.0,0.0827649333640571,0.0,0.07355278451921649,0.053699805740161546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697866874576817,0.07790983832303497,0.0,0.0,0.1109482533847986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318920453391716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110018607613785,0.0,0.0,0.05681177745434774,0.0,0.1517462868305818,0.0894110930741396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324266839893023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802298740516189,0.0,0.09824539072113984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301210572734095,0.08450546456142652,0.10012894290113693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778990877671997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361837000575349,0.09307358426210513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173381819578363,0.09682565031215586,0.07180639005683248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900796025772797,0.0,0.08607418654376765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647574426750503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368638809266944,0.0,0.0,0.16905248177053195,0.0,0.0,0.09381465107827262,0.05969313022151055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818674988564405,0.0,0.0,0.1840738905297777,0.09669809460785647,0.0,0.0,0.16873475384320796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693011536323417,0.0,0.0,0.09457738288907523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24058578084489404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287026014442922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424963792923287,0.0986113046838908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635788387487276,0.19993054798744864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160934031050404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058524127312663085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541007152552282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078347703588428,0.06992299094170741,0.07066174688489314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491713356925393,0.0,0.06413171487777881,0.0,0.08977283955601656,0.06257772654293625,0.096314307082041,0.0,0.1134561706378812
bpd,justplainanna,2019/04/11,Do I need medication? I go to therapy weekly and I've been off meds for over a year but I still get very suicidal for like at least a week a month. I've been hurting myself more lately and I'm very scared. I don't want to end up in the hospital again.,-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,1.6792857142857152,95.4907142857143,96.85714285714286,5.6571428571428575,15.928571428571427,7.1686216300943375,0.03272142857142901,196,5,48,4,8,69,41,56,0.271,0.6679999999999999,0.061,-0.9275,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,9,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,9,7,2,14,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,9,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066055966472835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426448237394265,0.0,0.13517310636067514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546185788990541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683001385215735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619932095035823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641927859335888,0.23960436748464345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984604762721768,0.0,0.0,0.17635946047662776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381248865316489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899437622631284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601644261553443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27199711314540137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39249497341320827,0.1402874668661031,0.0,0.3815707047555104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316473515606333
bpd,emofucked,2019/04/11,"How to maintain a healthy romantic relationship? I have been seeing someone for the past 3 months, and it's the most serious relationship I  have had for a super long time. They know about my issues, and they have said they are open to talk about things and that they want to help me and communicate 

​

I have been really struggling with my insecurity, and I have been trying my best not to let myself go too far or show it too much, but I spend a ton of time ruminating and thinking about how they might leave me, if I have said anything or done anything that would push them away or upset them, if they really like me, if they are dishonest, if they feel the same way about me as I do them, over analyzing everything and the whole deal... 

​

I know that there are a lot of things I should keep to myself and work on on my own, because if I were to always tell them about everything I am worried about and thinking it would be way too much for anyone and not healthy at all... 

But, since they know about my issues and want to help me, what are some things I should consider maybe talking to them about? How do I know what is too much and what is just not helpful to anyone of us? How do I go about this without damaging anything? I just want to know that everything is ok and that they matter to me and I to them",11.812297693920335,6.314362875471701,10.632201257861636,71.27870020964366,59.867924528301884,14.19287211740042,41.14255765199161,10.746095033038511,3.994262054507336,1042,31,222,16,9,331,117,265,0.075,0.802,0.12300000000000001,0.8782,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,16,3,21,9,0,3,8,1,30,0,0,4,1,59,47,29,0,12,16,0,1,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,15,16,0,1,8,1,1,3,4,5,0,0,8,4,46,4,35,32,12,17,0,1,1,0,28,7,0,12,6,184,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144643219283934,0.21211220979701054,0.2378769276655394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368840296577218,0.0,0.241647913480848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196422716001904,0.0,0.0,0.05966852062593179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272208755525236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091299437325704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016821324794194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639125758176982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049492546325659616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111258240367915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682657764046751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432867920028056,0.0,0.08700283836350829,0.0,0.0,0.2689694698676181,0.0,0.0,0.10364388103074752,0.0,0.10009191933330043,0.0,0.04782065134460997,0.0,0.0,0.08662330561607855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321655980620135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098336551328562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383831174270401,0.0,0.0,0.07812921434034772,0.0,0.21586563027633088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344032456205484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541261230858022,0.0,0.0,0.21017925275073654,0.0,0.0,0.18621814723153893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800001574709854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809697644249208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293588201724061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232848254863004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573491696418283,0.0855539880363811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508719163160554,0.12543884792807913,0.0,0.0,0.114152637735405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645607871303907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774110294493767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320165004807006,0.15538981453378936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928278661300543,0.0,0.09435564367568212,0.0,0.07125993286599942,0.09940485845979204,0.0,0.13906643852748798,0.0,0.2378769276655394,0.0
bpd,whydoImakebadchoices,2019/04/11,"[Need advice] I (23M) met an engaged mother of 2(27F) who likely has bpd in a psychiatric ward. I went into the hospital for suicide attempts and very serious symptoms of depression. I don't have any other diagnoses. I was surprisingly lucky that I only needed a slight change in my medication to get better so I only stayed one and a half week.

During my time there I met the prettiest and nicest girl I have ever met. And we clicked... but there is a problem she's engaged and has 2 kids. She said she was considering leaving him but wasn't sure because she doesn't know if it's what she really wants or if it's because she's sick. She is also in there for a suicide attempt and depression, she's being screened for disorders and is getting a bpd diagnosis because the screening was positive. She says she wants to be with me but doesn't know what to do understandably since this is all very confusing.

I was discharged yesterday and I have no idea what to do. I would do anything to be with her. Anyone got any advice or a reality check for me? I feel like a piece of shit.",3.5940709180868597,5.23082890186916,5.1446454095656975,80.59906267179771,73.06542056074767,8.39978009895547,28.94337548103353,9.007467420416297,2.457323034634414,851,35,165,18,17,287,119,214,0.172,0.7240000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9594,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,1,0,0,3,6,14,1,1,12,0,24,5,1,0,3,35,40,17,2,8,7,1,1,2,0,1,4,2,0,2,9,12,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,6,0,2,11,6,29,8,18,25,2,10,0,2,3,0,22,4,1,6,6,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25601479443453923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475714461776674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816301813154925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159517860960653,0.0,0.1077982281851408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956113000629675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585497470627032,0.0,0.0,0.3299687784309085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385759894586039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256526595477429,0.13295779004975486,0.0,0.0,0.15013232175398178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849303185799374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662353180554148,0.0935832923060048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368796025952399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476915862219063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787810255955736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398352646197626,0.0,0.0,0.13870544019696165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799567961550526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196429894862338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942631748250352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876601775602047,0.1992561335855157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534511057113276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391914420568591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460682592902188,0.1041729694643156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446511458100108,0.10836092498187226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962389424240984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865758789740034,0.0,0.12346181525307975,0.1361545995291318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638459554614889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637105323962856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617019986354055,0.15452921339132136,0.0,0.10507677944480773,0.0,0.0,0.12143424590543422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305552523094188,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gomojy,2019/04/11,"Found someone who seems to care unconditionally Ive done everything I can to push him away,and even when I tell him I don't want to talk to him anymore he initiates with me and I end up pulling him back in. And he doesn't seem to mind one bit. Granted he gets pretty mad about the pushing but I can't seem to make it stick. And geez he gets a great fucking kick out of the pulling. It's all flirty smiles and friendly gestures... Until I tell him I'm doing him a favor by walking out of his life for the sixth time. 

Is this just some toxic codependent bullshit or is he just a decent genuinely good person who actually cares about me? Does it matter either way, if he enjoys the pull why shouldn't I go ahead and pull him in again? I know he'll be there for me if I do. I want him to be there for me. I just feel like hell regret it and I don't understand how he doesn't already. Straight up threatened to blackmail him and then 3 days later he lies to his boss to keep me out of trouble. I would've bailed so long ago if I was him",2.268959276018098,3.3940195158371047,3.6293212669683257,92.19656108597286,75.56108597285069,6.466968325791856,23.40723981900452,6.794906146795322,0.4795954751131229,807,23,188,7,17,265,128,221,0.136,0.69,0.174,0.8488,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,15,13,3,0,7,0,16,2,0,3,1,39,35,17,0,7,9,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,7,0,0,8,6,5,0,1,3,1,32,8,29,28,4,29,1,1,0,1,28,8,2,8,13,118,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.14587487992844142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250860047681995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649593781619782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824802066962706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044519576150544,0.1149440155938453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319787827475418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048179249903815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640485265707976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081450889202512,0.1529740938746613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239850857868535,0.0,0.0,0.09873281228829303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434663498792024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558363259387613,0.10679144284722167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639015569166582,0.1154910145015956,0.1381956053822571,0.15619850399900967,0.0,0.08495523656912561,0.12538013790933006,0.0,0.16480670466970485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328683015462967,0.0,0.0,0.08215253042619737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558501285593457,0.07303036133659012,0.0,0.0,0.13228868974878846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978177129384626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093628821233987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012942682222698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052371595233753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207903024288855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40825402395442056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665735955456775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014962565174635,0.2613113156932129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716535792523399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561817904883393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763391440231104,0.11865348948982322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348861140421729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618918782878384,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,waterburr,2019/04/11,"BPD Treatment Without Medication? Hi guys. I'm new to this sub and just want to say I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I found it.

​

I was first told I have a Borderline Personality Disorder three years ago. A nurse told me while I was staying at a restpite after my worst breakdown. I wasn't willing to accept another diagnosis at the time, and threw it into my bin of ""things people don't understand about me"". 

​

Now, after all the setbacks of this year, I realized, ""Hang on a minute, \*I\* have a problem here"". 

​

My question is, is there anyone here currently in treatment, or who has undergone treatment, without the aid of medication ? I've been on several antidepressants over the past few years, none of which have been beneficial to me. I'm worried that if I go and seek help, I'll be advised straight away onto an antidepressant, or mood stabiliser. 

​

I'm sure there are many people who benefit from being on the right medication for them, and it may be the case that I was treated for the wrong things in the past. I managed to stop taking Quetiapine (Seroquel) as a sleep aid for the first time in three years earlier this year, and am extremely proud of that. I don't want to start taking any other medication unless it is absolutely the best thing for me. 

​

Any insight will be appreciated. I'd like to know about what kind of medication people are taking, and how they find it. Thank you all.",5.745394736842107,7.1218042205882375,6.3049226006191965,75.35741486068112,67.45588235294117,9.402786377708976,32.698142414860676,9.682069395223575,3.1806955882352947,1156,50,208,25,19,376,153,272,0.068,0.795,0.13699999999999998,0.9455,1,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,2,4,10,15,0,0,18,0,25,7,2,1,3,31,42,14,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,2,19,7,0,1,8,0,0,3,6,3,1,4,10,1,22,10,39,25,6,40,0,0,0,0,14,15,0,5,22,151,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277549874971243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836540120681483,0.4302554660321828,0.09631674568150347,0.07425839191271609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049517288247100735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653543376961253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431866568417339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891922444070291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116306517817842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647259717144356,0.12047476973142295,0.0,0.07764780508037647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04024725435055517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012052356724433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047467521249357485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374559655780344,0.038919481848709296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459788527144048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179789595625954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567062332623813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839604585744663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520675850386632,0.14728794904476242,0.06183516645779626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776284586953718,0.0,0.0,0.07933188049548659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604778138242934,0.0,0.05631697033428711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000369136872652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086870889719485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050125037214267705,0.07548210203128526,0.0,0.059206655590188215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674471720235134,0.0,0.15973798724912308,0.0,0.0,0.06519929948687124,0.0,0.0,0.14114413091863046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258858365062825,0.0,0.0,0.13533843692556008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372358299129056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354006966577683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653121163403484,0.0,0.0,0.0719186751270235,0.0,0.0,0.07742789052623397,0.4302554660321828,0.22802095103567424
bpd,ninjawhiskey,2019/04/11,"How can I encourage my wife to seek therapy without triggering her? She expresses desire to do it and we have the money and resources, but she just won’t actually commit to doing the groundwork and seeking out a good therapist. I’m afraid if I push too hard she will have an episode. My wife is amazing but she is under a lot of stress from nursing school and family issues.  She’s doing awesome in school, but the family problems are just out of her control.  Of course I am always an ear for her to talk to but she really goes deep and tries really hard to explain to me why she is the way she is.  I’m a steadfast reassurer, but I really try hard not to analyze her.   I feel the things she tells me would be better understood by a professional and that a neutral person to talk things out with would help prevent her from feeling like she is being judged by me (which she isn’t, I just don’t want her to perceive that she is).  She’s seen therapists sporadically in the past but has never actually stuck to one.  She says she “just can’t find a good one” but she hasn’t tried in over a year.   I’m just worried that she is getting close to a breaking point and I don’t want this to cause any problems for her nursing studies.   Any advice or experiences to share?",3.686257770410279,4.996099834645673,5.0937629506837965,82.35345420638211,72.30708661417323,8.3394944053046,27.541649399088268,8.841846274778883,2.0582314960629926,994,36,201,19,19,333,130,254,0.068,0.75,0.182,0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,2,8,12,0,2,16,0,27,1,1,4,2,50,39,17,0,8,16,2,5,1,0,4,0,2,0,1,8,13,0,2,6,0,1,1,9,4,0,2,3,8,37,8,33,30,1,17,0,0,1,0,38,11,0,3,4,149,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.23052525190627615,0.0,0.0,0.11542003444880918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828065106948536,0.0,0.0,0.16064369823365934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104462597180748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133603518334955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324753542889965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115538557359947,0.2226955076725384,0.0,0.11944438927553525,0.0843809581055588,0.0,0.0,0.10795443091855776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170990423337226,0.0,0.0,0.19813752641832774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174219339810247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916959927920361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328075695461298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770473453751032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041664757213617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910971145156835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007476208415988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275356927065205,0.0,0.10313294692827148,0.0,0.0,0.11165629540279336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260390773441667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700134661814944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392931959860154,0.0,0.2390761774981475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529965758996318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987177733000066,0.10323720044480653,0.0,0.13507412160979726,0.2742798673585587,0.15693993129517209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405757934728788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933387851563514,0.09375372088607016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657988350524784,0.0,0.0,0.11385807631904725,0.0,0.0,0.1199509167665828,0.0,0.1678101759943969,0.0,0.0,0.07606180750801937
bpd,MagicDuckBeard,2019/04/11,"[deleted] Seeing this much more often lately because hindsight is 20/20, and in my case, so is self-awareness. Any tips on dealing with your own stuff *before* saying something unhelpful?",6.37505376344086,9.597130161290323,5.188387096774196,76.26924731182797,69.96774193548387,5.423655913978496,32.913978494623656,6.42735559955562,2.401443010752689,149,7,19,1,3,44,30,31,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306496335518975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675703794088449,0.0,0.2886116957171873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496730200026464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826025191735379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493315729465756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269724407286549,0.0,0.0,0.2702773932726541,0.0,0.3538319664638827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611123566258368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38827254932724425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Notsurewhattodo0910,2019/04/11,"my closest friend went no contact, but my husband still speaks to her So I will try to keep this brief and succinct as I can

The short story is, my ex friend went no contact with me because she couldnt handle my emotions. Ive gone thro therapy, graduated and actually been doing great at controlling my emotions and trying to stay respectful of others.

the problem is, my husband still talks to her. when she went no contact, i made it clear to him that it wasnt okay for them to speak out of respect for my feelings. come to find out they have been still talking and leaving comments on each others posts on a social platform.

at first i was livid. i was angry that i was lied to. but now i am just hurt.

mainly because i cant speak to one of my closest friends anymore, but he still can? idk. it just seems so fucked up to me and i feel like i am unable to fully move on with the constant reminder that they are still friends even though she isnt mine.

and for added detail, they were never close. they didnt hang out outside of me, and in fact she told me she didnt like him.

i dont really know what to do. i already asked him to stop but he doesnt want to. i messaged her and asked her to stop but she left me on read.

is my bpd the issue here?? i feel like this isnt an unreasonable request, or is it? i know ultimately i cant force anyone from not speaking to someone else, but how am i supposed to move on?",2.599773735581188,3.903986853741497,3.763924874297549,90.8443256433008,75.0204081632653,6.2014788524105295,25.707778763679386,6.498293943080001,0.7735446909198456,1101,38,242,8,23,358,150,294,0.14400000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.127,-0.5742,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,5,2,15,14,1,0,6,1,31,1,0,3,3,45,49,21,0,3,10,3,3,3,4,1,0,4,0,0,12,16,0,4,7,1,0,9,15,3,0,2,15,7,51,11,40,32,2,41,0,1,0,1,43,18,1,2,15,178,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.10010868791400576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320569322838014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017372891231509,0.07173019409559275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191807261854838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507038480959928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920289518302402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836835829696188,0.0,0.1108585234696428,0.11505840500464005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022948768105927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569705433872468,0.2307898474592282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775678099676527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556109925943175,0.14657425910647834,0.0,0.0,0.093761324144687,0.08725920706050362,0.0,0.0,0.31702933180225923,0.0948386777564855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310091889712975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981994121521152,0.0,0.0,0.10707265014758012,0.0,0.09118274057663067,0.0,0.0,0.11275665877245497,0.0,0.0,0.10862327360972247,0.1114594882757315,0.0,0.0,0.15035433766687215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706891740852218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806438605624803,0.0,0.0,0.07912029186828287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951461615540087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824858909191438,0.0,0.0,0.0981605063354056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261330009547542,0.0,0.06571892313094478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339002185466223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457303810049784,0.08692039428502109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934253512488017,0.4096247197696217,0.17153220814686962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164908740740772,0.0,0.0,0.1173155042553974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078977120412676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802487871327407,0.0,0.1392976941674766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050760879697775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28529346721755866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Haasenphepher66,2019/04/11,"i beat up an old man today I came home from work walked into my apartment building art Round the Corner to see the usual drunk guy that's always harping me for weed walking away from my apartment he does this almost everyday wear heels lamb is fist on the door and try to shake the door open trying to push it open... he hassles everybody in the apartment complex and sexually harasses my girlfriend on a regular basis whenever she comes to visit me.
This night I actually just completely had it
When I called him out on it when he's walking down the hallway which isn't even next to his apartment he lives right next to me I called him out on it any turn around and while I was trying to get my door open I can hear him right behind me bitching and talking in my ear so I turned around and I threw him against the wall and I started to beat the shit out of his face repeatedly I've been started to slam his face on the ground screaming and calling him names.
Obviously I was arrested tonight my girlfriend just bailed me out of jail but the guy never got a charge he didn't get public drunkenness or tampering and trying to break in and entering or anyting
Already I talk to family and they're disowning me they're upset with me I never get in trouble I never have many problems I just have bad anger issues because of BPD I just feel like anyone else it would be understandable because somebody's trying to mess with your stuff mess with your house mess with your life I can't stand drunk people I don't even like myself when I'm drunk I don't understand how somebody can get away with harassing people all the time he's had the police called on him multiple times and he still has that apartment the sad thing is that even though I beat the shit out of him I don't feel like he learned a lesson I don't understand why I have to have all this guilt and I have to have things pressure to pawn me on a regular basis
I lost my ex-wife because of suicide
I lost one of my best friends because of an overdose
I've been ostracized by friends because I get into fights and every single time it's somebody that's drunk and wants to start with me and every time I try to shut them up I get into trouble
I don't go to therapy I never have been especially because of therapist ruin my ex-wife and gave her a bunch of pills that made her go crazy
I'm afraid of losing my job now because it requires state licenses and I don't know how it will effect me...
I don't know what to do obviously I have anger issues but at the same time I need to fight this in courts now I was never read my rights and this guy was never taken to jail I don't understand how he walks away scot-free and I'm in trouble because I'm the aggressor when in actuality I wouldn't have been aggressive if he would have just left my shit alone",4.927552083333335,5.267118595486114,5.584375000000001,83.52312500000002,68.77430555555556,8.622222222222224,29.368055555555557,8.515128840125781,1.9748701388888883,2245,77,464,32,36,729,243,576,0.16399999999999998,0.753,0.083,-0.993,1,1,0,0,2,1,11.0,0,3,1,11,23,36,11,5,23,0,42,14,8,5,10,86,80,34,1,7,10,0,3,3,4,4,2,3,4,4,23,40,4,1,12,6,0,13,18,30,0,1,19,7,78,6,74,56,6,94,0,5,2,0,48,47,4,4,34,298,101,5,0.0,0.0,0.12498857930179567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412730971267856,0.06632664397553045,0.07067028377019896,0.0,0.05328682583990724,0.0,0.0,0.04354973576642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044778606332107736,0.06561705979045862,0.0,0.11401924402655772,0.0,0.0,0.1805044723595067,0.0,0.05347114218777502,0.3123079532020047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720655333935767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065676739503883,0.0,0.2615700409714624,0.07324527095210945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516521986711632,0.06714524540311814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604227275627218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053497619913603085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689443800507194,0.0,0.10791376590457293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603716835589865,0.0,0.06476160159317164,0.09150109141211178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989550622544375,0.0,0.2007511071832146,0.0,0.07279138346665183,0.0,0.05121903773652546,0.0,0.0,0.19023048909404444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217829736450324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423784263624427,0.0,0.0,0.0738941382897447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368328666459234,0.06355031423613677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038996754653687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958019018916632,0.0,0.04523369876602062,0.09386085987355966,0.0,0.05654893441809788,0.0,0.0,0.07164493812061985,0.1398155406304658,0.0,0.0,0.06059666915061587,0.0,0.06492701503473823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474852189949403,0.2963518875521058,0.0,0.136215595684305,0.06009767064682184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719973155264145,0.0,0.04339549990624558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879523793557928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061278109253346674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405782986297602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407071022652975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103198682521399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972099576404857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598458568243765,0.0,0.051142825700483764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331105048016953,0.07004991236246565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029466555257566,0.0,0.0,0.07323589247094928,0.07435595595004288,0.08509132464273401,0.0,0.0629194657000113,0.0,0.1867126515674232,0.0,0.06070290555631225,0.0,0.0,0.2608757729743418,0.1393153477323897,0.0,0.2666736743486968,0.0,0.0,0.0705315627294737,0.0,0.0377727458928418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778659002133005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662224642331035,0.0,0.0,0.09098506700017156,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wnsj15,2019/04/11,"Just wanted to share my story after lurking for about 8 months So my wife and I (M 28) separated about a year ago. Got my own place. Several months later told her I still loved her. Got rejected. Had to be put into a medical hospital for a week due to self harm/thoughts. Was diagnosed with bpd there. Since then (August 2018) put on meds that haven’t worked and given me all sort of side effects. I’ve racked up 20k in debt. Had to get rid of my dog. Step mom died. Dad had serious surgery. Now I might get fired from my job (don’t use my degree anyways). No friends. No family besides my dad. Completely lost now. When you don’t think it can get worse it does. Damn. 

Just wanted to say to everyone this sub helps and keeps me sane and leveled at times. Thanks for reading everyone",0.4880952380952373,2.9371375668789814,1.9817652411283009,94.17023354564756,90.52866242038219,5.793023961176827,19.57810130421596,7.2636822038024595,0.5718980285107675,606,19,131,11,21,195,115,157,0.166,0.7490000000000001,0.085,-0.8977,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,3,11,8,1,0,3,0,10,3,0,2,1,17,25,7,1,2,2,4,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,1,1,3,5,4,0,0,9,2,15,4,21,14,2,26,0,2,0,1,14,8,1,2,15,71,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016012945484826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849332033931559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395342171600596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903416103123418,0.1523912684747641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284960625249146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806137557055795,0.0,0.0,0.1384227163496269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344414886510765,0.0,0.23014525956812795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487429584025746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842022498858173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571081346180195,0.13051345548500526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028745415929235,0.0,0.13252407746082406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631002845252333,0.14792054359901213,0.0,0.1557684453999808,0.0,0.17197106219642996,0.2344041626615325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341104162608213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29521892118741305,0.0,0.0,0.14687446647784436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676887153762736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318064780853674,0.1658814510887,0.0,0.12146320676057006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726240578233292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518569235764866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408576664332367,0.0,0.11657037474736975,0.08562051240976865,0.0,0.0,0.14030687785278975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681806284537742,0.0,0.0,0.17321385729992886,0.0,0.11778196420503625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689743289883227,0.0,0.14963713524370498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945567525430674
bpd,catherine_zetascarn,2019/04/11,"Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is incredible Has anybody else seen it? I was recently diagnosed with BPD and now I’ve been watching CEG. This show is amazing, IMO, and Rebecca is like shockingly similar to me and my actions.

I’m in love with this show!",2.8291304347826056,5.525174086956521,4.415391304347828,79.79265217391305,79.86956521739131,8.897391304347826,33.11304347826087,9.3871,3.800631304347826,192,11,35,6,5,64,37,46,0.079,0.713,0.20800000000000002,0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,3,4,6,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448985392690306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391233978381971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614175956559001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113674487231505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39047707443244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427182631770968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Humean_Bean,2019/04/11,"I don't feel in control I don't. I feel like a fucking passenger in a bus swerving manically through traffic, trying to empathize with the driver who can only communicate in doomsday prophesies. And if I try to reason with him, he just floors it even harder. 

The game is rigged, but I keep playing. I guess I'm just a ride or die kind of motherfucker..",3.2965217391304336,5.316223507246381,4.9703623188405786,79.91032608695654,74.79710144927536,7.498550724637681,30.34057971014493,8.344100000000001,2.4292492753623187,278,13,52,5,6,94,52,69,0.16899999999999998,0.797,0.034,-0.8340000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,5,0,4,1,0,2,0,14,10,4,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,3,9,10,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,3,1,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242463069921204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30003652442659706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909455116381027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29235175343658937,0.2065305972799865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672650557020677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184723876477256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25696225227701314,0.0,0.30104951725921913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412379470141375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987091534755066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972393508328651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392555093254601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,businessman99,2019/04/11,"BPD and Meds Hello everyone,

I wanted to ask those of you who are on meds how do you find them in terms of reducing your symptoms, do you still find yourself hating yourself at times, thinking of self harm, etc? And what to extent of you could scale it from 1-5? And lastly if you want you can mention what's drug you take. I'm suppose to take valproic acid and risperidone for my bipolar but I was told this could help my emotional dysfunction of bpd as well. Let me know if you take these one specifically, thanks!",4.649537815126049,5.630454794117651,4.7850140056022425,86.70970588235296,69.68627450980392,7.789355742296919,28.296918767506998,7.957251820313856,1.6291859943977594,407,14,83,5,7,127,73,102,0.073,0.8029999999999999,0.124,0.6859999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,9,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,0,16,20,9,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,15,2,14,15,3,7,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,2,4,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491001616203614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017402129057419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546770825728572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495595564699413,0.0,0.0,0.17940302793411436,0.0,0.0,0.17787176896074652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523980387147875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915390887398628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746181505976506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690173915682884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765067539240788,0.13000436486987146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308773510993949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543114044850815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080734942308049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638122558449794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273676738424393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657695557229294,0.3597463738760901,0.0,0.0,0.14683552718792578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219375220125468,0.0,0.0,0.09299899167234174,0.0,0.0,0.1523980387147875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881408276964761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433992609450022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emikokasumi,2019/04/11,"I manipulated someone into being codependent on me I don't know what to do, the title says it all. I was with this boy for around a year, and in that time span i was able to control his feelings and make him fall for me. hard. he because codependent and then i left him because i realized what the fuck i was doing to him. i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know how to fix him, or make up for what i did. we still talk and all he talks about is how i ruined him. i'm the worst person alive. i wish i didn't manipulate so much. i made him stop hanging out with his friends, i made him only pay attention to me... i'm sick. any support is appreciated, thank you in advance",0.6720886699507389,2.469406006896552,3.097561576354682,91.30181034482763,82.0344827586207,6.0738916256157625,22.081280788177338,7.1686216300943375,0.5601625615763544,521,17,122,7,14,180,82,145,0.146,0.7390000000000001,0.115,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,2,6,6,1,0,4,0,14,2,0,9,2,30,28,9,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,7,10,0,2,6,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,7,3,29,3,19,20,4,17,0,1,0,1,19,9,1,1,5,87,36,1,0.1853129676172523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601917263216292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183780668796492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496782981001148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593013009339444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784425066421985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369980445895304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317233909239746,0.17131885246877201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600401980872054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055294819489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134308153457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506952212791012,0.2473956897265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362263535820161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093886239505676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180813546901224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473683097671317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701507609878818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479911753176566,0.15492993869342855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102909595940376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978950876805881,0.0,0.17061128299956618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805748166502928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310076728601507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193354754212084
bpd,chinbrow,2019/04/11,"It's my first day here I just came by this page cause I'm panicking. I was doing better this year but today I felt like before and I'm so scared. I have to get good grades or I'm literally going to be kicked off school next semester. All my high school friends are graduating and i thought i would do better by now, I can't afford to go back to my old hermit self if i want to make it through. what can i do? I can't tell if it's going to be like this forever.",-0.7676537216828443,1.1888979223300993,1.9633252427184475,96.27437297734629,89.19417475728157,5.375080906148868,16.350323624595465,6.816661863887847,-0.31870161812297715,358,8,89,5,12,124,66,103,0.067,0.728,0.20600000000000002,0.9286,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,0,0,12,0,0,2,1,15,24,7,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,4,1,13,6,10,17,2,14,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,10,55,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571823923380378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125545206442204,0.0,0.0,0.33520490615659265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674411536723434,0.0,0.1946746270182887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221554389070913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195525716987693,0.0,0.0,0.16119351070700907,0.0,0.0,0.14641168740758112,0.0,0.09900894298888878,0.0,0.3231014878657269,0.158948448395928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022325003986305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516589331939426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264965726614821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154153573354536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885442676314413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972833479400908,0.3835799118792768,0.0,0.0,0.1976958472358228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563639532671112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044641296388547,0.0,0.0,0.17962931113499767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117754127619832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346194614494275,0.0,0.0,0.12203550235167475
bpd,DreamAway,2019/04/11,"DAE feel a sense of relief? Hi everyone, a bit new to this subreddit and even newer to my diagnosis. 

Wondering if you all felt a blindsided by this disorder because it feels like connecting a lot of issues you could never put into words? I’ve struggled with symptoms of BPD for awhile but never realized they were part of something larger and interrelated. Becoming self aware is relieving and means there’s hope to change, but also scary. I relate with the quiet type of this disorder and am ‘high-functioning’ on the outside, so this is something that’s slipped under my own radar in many ways for a long time. 

Hope you all are having a lovely day!",7.359695550351282,7.56322518032787,7.6497658079625355,71.25975409836069,63.59016393442622,11.233723653395783,33.822014051522245,10.914260884657429,3.81487681498829,520,20,90,13,7,170,90,122,0.092,0.755,0.154,0.8538,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,0,4,7,0,1,8,0,7,2,0,0,4,25,15,9,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,4,7,6,17,12,6,13,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,5,8,63,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575569326092118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095860370167701,0.17367431015437249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168026588508092,0.0,0.19805547696744208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635351877211513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555424983925711,0.0,0.0,0.10141559995599418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604526311199517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386455782653442,0.0,0.0,0.15026260890463394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590243485694173,0.11234204449273537,0.15098817207352866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661471232013672,0.0,0.3123767285186252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413196287209314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682619397073906,0.0,0.0,0.1391645385942147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336914363457208,0.14192756568096693,0.0,0.0,0.15943052698598886,0.0,0.17129533374165648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425674304214029,0.15187656253121576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029038704883465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580833597558032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640498607456896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24212309685603145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439566647388493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344676171657646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169587241433737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248206339393121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053488380055395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yungdurries,2019/04/11,Yikes I absolutely hate when people confuse my “overthinking” to an anxiety disorder.  I hate talking about how I feel because I don’t feel validated and people don’t understand that my negativity is my BPD. I try to educate those people close to me but no one seems to care enough to take the time to learn about my disorder.,8.730913978494627,7.51982940322581,9.599032258064515,63.051881720430146,61.41935483870968,14.073118279569895,40.021505376344095,13.023866798666859,5.420789247311831,261,12,47,9,3,90,42,62,0.263,0.653,0.083,-0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,11,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,2,10,1,8,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,33,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576875079053124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565383679244574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596112505635008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016143642889976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724815479318351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298553092952693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084492215731008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070178429785965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396778021651989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42871001731884345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765137057878484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498275254738492,0.16567803822011046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019501037535375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994751639351097,0.0,0.0,0.21458672448075128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LooseHistorian1,2019/04/24,"Boyfriend does not want me to move in How do I cope with the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to live with me? We have been together for a year and a half, and he has lived with roomies since we met. Now one roomie is moving out, so they have a room to spare, which he does not want me to occupy, but instead let a stranger move into. 

I know I'm sick, and I am definitely on my way to getting better, and am starting treatment in a few months. I get that he doesn't want to live with a ticking bomb with all these problems, but I still can't help but feel so horrible about him wanting some stranger to move in with him and his roomies (roomies that, not knowing he is not interested in living with me, wants me to movie in) instead of me. 

How am I supposed to cope with this? How am I supposed to just let the relationship keep going when every time I am over at their house this grudge sets in?",6.564717765894238,4.753903641711234,6.3325846702317286,86.668550207962,66.05882352941177,9.594533571004161,33.07724301841949,7.793537801064563,1.94733321449792,699,23,164,6,9,219,101,187,0.152,0.81,0.038,-0.9644,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,2,1,12,3,0,0,8,0,17,1,0,3,2,42,33,14,0,7,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,17,0,1,3,0,0,5,7,1,0,2,2,1,23,2,32,29,3,26,0,0,0,0,14,12,0,1,7,115,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087028665333458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940587881700527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056207817789452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633855276218983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099032488854714,0.0,0.07124469027721103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840258274559978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464802686889813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142527963679606,0.0,0.0,0.13778860072836654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563771552946129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427789253346927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100060753412475,0.5329492191501649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494683856810105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995210714817295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458918382498675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369867021437824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873009622866157,0.0,0.10011225514354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309813001618308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436416708504839,0.09950453262683172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072740511317697
bpd,iwontdothatagain,2019/04/24,"My FP just told me she's in a relationship Hey guys and gals, I am feeling lost. This girl I was talking to for half a year just told me she has a boyfriend.

Thanks to DBT I was reasonable and didn't explode or hurt myself (yay!) -- BUT here's the kicker, she still likes me a lot, just not in that way and wants to continue talking. She actually sounds genuinely sorry. I am feeling like an asshole telling her I need time.

My head is a mess. I am questioning everything. Weren't I clear enough in what she meant to me (I wasn't)? Am I too ugly to love (yeah I know. That fucker is still hiding in my brain)? What did I do wrong (Nothing)? You know those brain farts.

I really thought I was over the highly emotional states, especially over this incredible pain. I am not. It's past 1am over here, and I know I will be a mess today at work.

So how was your day?",-0.4324157303370804,1.8123409943820228,1.7047775280898882,95.52168314606743,94.11235955056179,5.31991011235955,18.355955056179774,6.918507183188421,0.17619433707865184,659,20,152,11,25,219,106,178,0.171,0.695,0.134,-0.8441,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,2,0,2,10,12,1,0,9,2,19,6,3,2,1,25,33,8,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,8,4,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,13,3,32,5,14,18,2,19,0,2,0,2,19,9,1,3,10,103,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.14427036001386073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300763153455849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534446785315476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629992398406285,0.0,0.15275807726438353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286891756734195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950453279993173,0.10561681293945943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638468730780702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172633008230946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620091045007525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826560896921876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24374673308628325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445415862060226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138465206156702,0.12568814719271665,0.13343122980505182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962136985644788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185631603076174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731201578127893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112985798309305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561445820830875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470998868718723,0.15200398066249726,0.0,0.15872466320472167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549459972355346,0.0,0.0,0.2361301782019349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23765613047032103,0.12921853854909365,0.13611106395862846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736832098284415,0.0862066009910641,0.0,0.1401348841217005,0.28253460987176776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719976943675962,0.1173483855067776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762916602011942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616396593604513,0.0,0.09520401137614523
bpd,SomebodyUncertain,2019/04/24,"Small Victories Going back to therapy after being out of counselling for two years because I wasn’t ready to let go of negative coping behaviours.

First time seeing a therapist that specializes with BPD first time doing DBT instead of traditional CBT and Psychoanalysis style therapy. 

Also, I feel like I am beginning to set boundaries in my romantic relationship (Usually I’m a doormat in all relationships because I’m convinced if I speak up about being mistreated that person will leave me)

 Finally, I’m feeling ready to cut off an old FP that treated me poorly for years that I kept emotionally investing in despite people begging me to end the friendship. I’m realizing I can make a new best friend but I can’t grow my self esteem if I surround myself with people who grossly devalue me. 

Feeling hopeful about the future. Just wanted to share it with people who get how big a deal these little things are.",9.96975903614458,9.020107753012047,10.060331325301213,59.89302710843376,58.81927710843375,13.119277108433735,42.436746987951814,12.161744961471696,5.532231325301204,741,36,112,20,8,247,115,166,0.044000000000000004,0.799,0.156,0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,1,0,7,0,10,0,0,2,1,19,26,6,0,4,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,1,4,0,2,3,3,1,0,3,2,5,15,8,23,20,2,29,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,3,16,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490445578187232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104845239270313,0.0,0.17517749502306434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078803523786874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096561837836891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481324271503815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616257414423488,0.1272618336273635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179536260500332,0.10264824716188033,0.0,0.15739936437468832,0.0,0.24443595234520635,0.0,0.0,0.1110103008767852,0.0,0.07506922941262344,0.0,0.16331844366068504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271114515221822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521411563666643,0.0,0.14692715285149893,0.0,0.07019699688414464,0.14400963262014338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591053036593948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877140120775647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077272953084106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988382561260737,0.12545977747234052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085267961771138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114497956602581,0.0,0.14989428694067006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286315332620749,0.16682879791983746,0.09545760808382003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756719388206973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035889425875214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824819512066166,0.0,0.08474885045749507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505623524433984
bpd,imaginenyx,2019/04/24,"Hey so I’m new here as of today... I’ve been through abusive relationships, sexual assault, whatever you name it. But I fucked up my relationship and I feel like my life is over. I went to the mental health center and they said I show a lot of signs of BPD. 

I want advise on how to deal with this... thing. I don’t want to screw up any other relationships and I want to stop feeling like I am an awful person...",1.3372058823529436,3.204546882352944,3.5466911764705884,88.55886029411766,80.17647058823529,6.602941176470589,20.036764705882355,7.645422480735847,0.5674999999999999,315,8,70,5,8,108,63,85,0.21,0.675,0.115,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,3,5,3,0,3,1,4,4,0,1,0,15,13,7,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,3,12,2,14,10,1,9,0,0,0,2,11,5,2,1,5,45,16,1,0.0,0.2102434931514875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206687905537922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234859615162702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293816366943108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944320444305126,0.2535337090050768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640451868924118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886159025246313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253347609649336,0.17338147969529336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508575256574513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882298113893647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137763685603294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549382653527008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715290698452788,0.0,0.0,0.16879097735647722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483520954170886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788667658433966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681972592409926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139852503743191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644934368410962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TurboDrift,2019/04/24,"Should I try to help out BPD ExGF? So,   
She was my best friend for a year and then we started dating. Soon afterwards, I got to know that she has been given anti psychotics (Aripiprazole) for mood stability. There were lot of issues which we tried to work out

​

We moved to different cities and I asked my psychiatrist for a second opinion on the dose of anti psychotics (after she agreed to it). Based on what I told him, he told me she might have BPD. When I read about BPD symptoms later, it was a eureka moment!

​

I told her about this and she brushed it off as bullshit and continued her anti psychotics. Eventually I broke up since it was emotionally draining for me and she was getting increasingly keen on getting married soon and I guess the honeymoon phase of the relationship got over and I wasn't pleased with the reality. 

​

I have tried to remain no contact since February this year but she keeps calling but I very rarely answer the calls. I contacted her best friend and mother asking them to convince her to stop calling me. Her mother assured me she won't call again.  


She recently started seeing another guy and they are probably getting married soon.   
Today I got a call from her again to which I replied ""Maybe I'll speak to your future hubby and ask him to convince you now, since others have failed"".

Following this, her mother messaged me asking how I got to know she's seeing someone else etc. and then asked me to stay out of her life and her daughter would do the same.

​

Now, I still care for my Ex's well being and knowing that she has undiagnosed BPD, it's going to be the same cycle again.   
(She's been dumped 3 times already from what I know). 

I feel this strong urge to reach out to her mother humbly and tell her about this so that she may take steps to get my Ex into proper therapy. But i'm also concerned she might get incredibly pissed at me saying all this. (If she reads the symptom list, I'm sure she will also have the Eureka moment but I think she might get so pissed that she won't even consider what I am trying to say.   
Is it the right thing to do or I should just stay the hell away from their life as she asked me to.

  
TLDR: Feel like helping out undiagnosed BPD ExGF by contacting her mother to get her into therapy.",4.565210759278173,6.039799885393263,4.9958324821246185,83.26293496765409,70.37078651685394,7.820905686074227,26.96799455226421,8.296473431620573,1.7379138576779027,1819,60,349,27,33,578,213,445,0.081,0.8109999999999999,0.109,0.9026,1,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,3,2,3,5,23,20,4,0,15,0,31,7,2,1,3,58,71,31,0,4,7,8,2,1,4,10,5,3,0,1,23,25,0,2,8,2,0,5,4,6,1,1,16,8,75,13,56,43,8,51,1,2,2,0,81,16,3,9,29,251,98,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418128535275759,0.09302146650818632,0.0,0.2520664389951475,0.2826842930595119,0.0,0.060986096281261885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262319125859197,0.0,0.05464347214465146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220711944917239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36625401283551456,0.0,0.2969406047298418,0.0,0.059298254038133824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060765085531318014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858542836099694,0.0654224563883803,0.0,0.0,0.06486405598367108,0.03841429853677617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588151428013043,0.04154969631299225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986893427941961,0.0,0.21270432175408996,0.0,0.03305381204274474,0.0,0.1860642692281265,0.0,0.06407007564548793,0.05758779434102133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796718314473601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060704193549119385,0.0,0.05169550510493296,0.0,0.0,0.12785341594965294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216061329265198,0.02841416179294888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944576720936959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058429791335858086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509651210531325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618151445727877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384249251918038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062706589554885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635198383759048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742623326156721,0.06244234577801978,0.0,0.04966853821860097,0.0,0.092502735020516,0.0,0.0,0.0926923831011526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443322867014425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049278993569049516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082332252743752,0.12398218230749787,0.046446853117254036,0.048624575691847374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054815350086663515,0.12090154391136995,0.043729272069346674,0.0,0.05083462457630756,0.0,0.1330226358797776,0.0,0.03863908772248637,0.03726674166841192,0.0,0.0,0.033913711194894364,0.0,0.055129119276213744,0.1667238422278098,0.0,0.15794797599636407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047988299700333525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229305214818188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042341356817119216,0.0,0.0,0.041315374981133586,0.0,0.2826842930595119,0.07490659205414457
bpd,babycays,2019/04/24,Sad and apparently horrible at communication. I tried to communicate with my partner about how i’ve been feeling disconnected. It blew up in my life and now i’m spiraling. I’ve been doing good lately about being self aware of my actions and taking a step back to breathe but me feeling disconnected turned into me having unbelievable expectations from my partner. sigh,5.942512820512822,8.87721404615385,7.15192307692308,63.082243589743605,70.07692307692308,9.871794871794874,33.91025641025641,10.125756701596842,4.344794871794872,303,15,45,9,6,102,49,65,0.066,0.8079999999999999,0.127,0.25,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,0,10,10,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,7,1,11,7,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829256273765137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372086298891464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086133192344328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150559830045128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598891803935035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838450279321736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766475132513023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24980929658042755,0.4002165700144438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cdubbs41,2019/04/24,"Clinically diagnosed with BPD today and happy to then find this group while researching I'm a newbie in every way. Was wonder why I've had a hard time making and keeping friendships, destroyed relationships and can go 0 to 60 in 2 seconds on most people, yet empathize. 

​

Just back from being clinically diagnosed with BPD. Do I get a free t-shirt?!",7.372727272727275,8.063559151515154,7.829848484848488,68.31477272727275,63.54545454545455,10.236363636363636,34.68181818181819,10.125756701596842,3.7219818181818174,288,12,46,6,4,95,54,66,0.069,0.782,0.149,0.7424,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,5,4,0,1,0,11,11,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,3,8,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,28,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253856837392135,0.2383550749087201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083442812609593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941116563368447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981952121456652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652727084619524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928608762148773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248516159419724,0.0,0.11148187626835783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881527034126227,0.17572024351533175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435543883064436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093788600267134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599219107147115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060172596519575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143820915524298,0.0,0.1859361227681276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570215761038295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700329824558445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272644207601216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383550749087201,0.0
bpd,MistikDaHermit,2019/04/24,"Has anybody ever tried subliminals? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwT1q6DVLrc&t=10s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwT1q6DVLrc&t=10s)

Now please hear me out, I know that there's a lot of new age bull shit out right now and although this has placebo written all over it, for some mysterious reason, it actually does work...?

Could you guys please test to see if this subliminal has any measurable effect on your mood and/or overall well being?",17.34947916666667,17.90765290625,11.351875000000005,51.6722916666667,43.375,12.283333333333333,38.52083333333333,11.20814326018867,4.231620833333333,382,11,49,6,3,101,57,64,0.053,0.835,0.11199999999999999,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,2,5,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,2,2,12,9,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,1,7,6,3,10,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,3,5,33,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.20511544688446656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554822808554324,0.0,0.14293663570430454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781987935457254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839389788257044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012919185819954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081214779757881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368997839959814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551511130172178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786963065527654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030031355641656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614517382647985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611067178878934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950139784375738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749448376049494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575735861873155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427054403793675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898635423499974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530210674174394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,god_of_death_526,2019/04/24,"Absolutely NO Idea! I am pretty much sure that I have BPD. Although I always felt the symptoms I never really gave much thought to it. Lately, these symptoms are becoming more evident and it is freaking me out. The more pronounced symptoms include binge eating disorder, identity disturbance, unstablity, excessive spending etc among others. I absolutely have no idea how i am to going to cope with it.Should I be worried? Should I seek professional help? What should I do?",4.9523848238482415,8.199901609756104,5.807235772357725,69.65551490514908,75.58536585365854,9.01029810298103,33.50135501355014,9.444778638647367,4.214231436314361,380,20,55,11,9,124,58,82,0.191,0.716,0.09300000000000001,-0.8242,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,10,4,0,1,2,12,14,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,1,10,1,6,8,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147923509889252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633914244227685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223902098526946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374619718439665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819087828758013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826674582041587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706924196070987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103394940835106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915921266766508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013739438830055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053857865271624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613709881469621,0.0,0.137111473858835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086165924720746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388757799200573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675513644324919,0.5543306376494369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113393946094666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053971386495585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BenedictThunderfuck,2019/04/24,"Desperation, Boredom and Distractions. I have ""pangs"" of desperation, like, I want to do something NOW but I can't. It's maddening, even on Kratom, it's like a sort of panic but I don't know what to do, or how to distract/entertain myself, basically a very intense version of an existential crisis.

I basically have to deprive myself of food to prevent me from getting manic and screaming, being physically weak is the only way to not flip the fuck out.


I fucking hate it. I'm waiting back to see if my medi-cal paperwork was approved but my fucking social worker doesn't fucking pick up, ughhhh. Are there are other options for people on that insurance?",4.073104212860308,6.41108575609756,6.03920177383592,71.68057649667409,73.5528455284553,8.375166297117516,32.320029563931996,9.095868883498916,3.3908601626016246,520,26,84,12,11,180,86,123,0.23800000000000002,0.621,0.14,-0.9519,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,5,2,5,0,12,6,0,2,0,17,23,8,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,1,2,11,2,17,21,1,7,0,1,1,4,1,4,4,4,4,64,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369526721258686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320187561649091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416955086646797,0.0,0.0,0.7391428039849517,0.10442897216660127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973399711475129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984873854294562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530239729783727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201763326094006,0.0,0.23451593808016816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138571521138938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927836234286707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375233615470087,0.0,0.15387727418583874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492180980063242,0.11789431455238805,0.15865532171142208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,0chrononaut0,2019/04/24,"Couch therapists diagnosing any bad or emotional behaviour as BPD Does anyone encounter this in other reddit subs? It seems the second any (particularly female) shows emotional or bad behaviour, there's a chorus of 'THEY MUST HAVE BPD.'  


Like, I already feel shit enough as a person to have Borderline without being equated to every asshole that's ever been spoken about.",11.57333333333333,10.882899349206353,10.955555555555561,53.920000000000016,55.5079365079365,13.47936507936508,41.63492063492063,12.45797560212912,5.74540634920635,301,13,39,8,3,98,52,63,0.155,0.7609999999999999,0.083,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,5,2,1,0,2,7,7,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,8,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,2,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020613454788173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590741434068252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331923015637152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180958532925021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479821118431346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933393693463988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669565903656014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285424199419815,0.0,0.196823048767108,0.0,0.0,0.17230557188709447,0.16049274451103146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631548942337168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306188064146123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663251044158612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341138011325125,0.0,0.0,0.19553123169731815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116902956971204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362179106086776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,KingofFloweys,2019/04/24,"Irrational Jealousy Hey there... I often become paranoid that people, Any female friend I have really, are trying to sleep with my husband. It's especially hypocritical of me bexause I am having an affair with several people, and I get jealous of their spouses and other partners too. Like I get seriously jealous, like life ruining jealous and paranoia about infidelity haunts me, because I expect everyone to be just as shitty as I am. Anyone else relate?",7.093586497890293,9.341746481012663,8.365253164556965,58.5391877637131,65.20253164556962,9.823628691983123,37.21729957805907,10.125756701596842,4.746213502109704,368,19,46,9,6,126,60,79,0.321,0.593,0.087,-0.9589,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,3,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,8,8,5,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,3,9,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856506361733695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088925813696295,0.27972268211367096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664194086760166,0.3015091215227147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280580351621725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608649901547158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092057089215605,0.0,0.2852644231947298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282929745951516,0.2667498518746013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378530251028918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489199130435554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084144110918458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731990330125153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535035235219674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,inucube,2019/04/24,"Is this splitting? I've been diagnosed formally for almost 7 years now but I mostly (foolishly, arrogantly) ignored it until recently so I'm trying to understand the nature of BPD more clearly.

​

Often, I might be talking to someone I love and they might get mildly irritated with me about something (or maybe I merely detect a negative tone in their voice or facial expression). From these mildly negative observations I decide that they are done with me, are going to leave, have been merely tolerating me and have almost tired of it, never actually loved me etc. 

​

I try not to say anything about it or show my feelings at all. Once I'm alone though I'll usually talk to myself and have a conversation with them (in their absence) essentially letting them know how much I dislike them. I'll hope, wish, pray that they die in a terrible accident and suffer immensely. Shortly after this I feel extreme regret for thinking this about them. I'll hope instead that it happens to me and feel an urge to drive my car into a wall.

​

Is this splitting? Is there a better way to deal with these extreme changes in the way I feel towards a person?",5.7717732558139545,7.567866720930238,6.3901598837209335,73.18198401162792,67.83720930232558,8.909883720930234,32.97238372093023,9.354420925462401,3.3188197674418607,935,42,151,19,16,305,130,215,0.214,0.6759999999999999,0.109,-0.9812,0,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,9,1,10,9,0,0,9,0,15,5,1,1,3,38,32,13,1,4,5,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,13,10,0,1,8,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,3,6,26,5,29,25,5,21,1,2,0,2,18,9,0,11,7,117,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.10114510917664096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075762050685204,0.10734765822126344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33690640362471663,0.3778295473032369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529314591676672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166788201596199,0.0,0.0,0.13054052761585286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096454207870021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685612753687082,0.0,0.10520013527502273,0.10756984806267088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606748354302246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115594475345931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962936934515147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415159466783398,0.0,0.05890532134200727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916552330270137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589091289022388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569620119870616,0.0,0.0,0.1097478460392689,0.0,0.105986696402339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709201675117212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412794839319084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199074549656257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619291404737563,0.0,0.07993942110178788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038131449785216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050108906081827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102339503817569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242473401179262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782027766847943,0.07979298854927999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661603437191966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641319889241708,0.1018332436949642,0.0,0.0,0.11912767246440835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073983765251802,0.0,0.0,0.10790081004684013,0.0,0.0,0.1141531914759387,0.0,0.0,0.16454128571724974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918962827906622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778295473032369,0.06674565810863183
bpd,ineedtosaysomething5,2019/04/24,"Recently got out of an abusive relationship with a fellow BPD sufferer. I'm sort of lost. For about a year, I was in a relationship with someone else who also had BPD but doesn't get treatment or practice any self awareness. In the beginning everything was so good, it was like the highest high one could ever have. We were impulsively sexual, would skip studying for exams to hang out or text or call and we just couldn't go without one another. One night we were making arrangements for a date and he burst out in anger and told me I was useless and ruin everything. Up to this point, I had always been the one to apologize first and control my emotions, I even ignored my splitting and stayed but that night, I told him he can't talk to me like that and things just started horribly spiraling out of control. We would fight over petty things, he would freak put if I don't text him back in 10minutes and call me 40 times, showing up at my house unexpectedly while I was taking a shower or cooking (hence why I wasn't on my phone). We went to a workshop and everything was fine but after we went home, he texted me that I humiliated him and treated him badly in front of other people. I had enough and was getting constant panic attacks weekly, sometimes 3 times a week because he wouldn't allow me to be friends with anyone and would constantly want to know my location and what I was doing with who. I had to end it. He took it really rough and we decided to remain friends for him to not lose it all but he would send me these messages of him ranting and begging for me to please take him back or else he would commit suicide. He would tell me how much he regretted meeting me, how much he hated me and then suddenly write me a love letter. I broke contact with him and a week later, he showed up at my house with everything I ever bought him, every last slip from every date and a letter saying goodbye and telling me to enjoy my life with a guy he saw me hanging out with the previous day on campus. I was so scared and threw everything away. 

The next day his friend approached me and told me he had attempted suicide and was hospitalized, making a point to say it's because of me leaving him. On his WhatsApp status, he posted visiting hours and begged people to give him my new number but I told everyone to not give anyone my number.

It's been a month and someone new and very mentally healthy has entered my life. I have absolutely no idea whether I should let him in or advise him to stay away from me. I feel like I'm so ready for real love and not some other person's punching bag but I don't know if it's too early after the other person left my life. In that relationship, I felt like the sane one because of the other person's multiple mental problems feeling greater compared to my BPD, clinical depression and anxiety disorder but I need to remember that I too need help and can be exactly the same problem to a person not suffering from any mental illness.",7.345455062571106,6.414604216723549,7.6539385665529025,74.97863253697385,64.0,10.611968145620024,35.23299203640501,9.80755857964246,3.286707121729238,2365,92,447,41,30,776,270,586,0.163,0.713,0.12300000000000001,-0.9861,2,0,0,0,1,3,40.0,7,0,0,6,16,33,4,2,24,0,43,8,0,7,5,114,79,52,2,19,23,0,4,4,4,9,5,2,2,6,23,48,1,3,8,3,1,13,13,20,0,6,33,7,74,13,70,32,7,79,0,9,1,2,80,27,0,10,40,313,97,3,0.0,0.06979173712331765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710559470574333,0.04901293741850645,0.0,0.0,0.08011362808979619,0.061766094256485285,0.045061482176411385,0.0,0.0,0.08237424523792404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701192768910214,0.11068469886718038,0.0905872478129748,0.049182470609513015,0.10772219440021498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256298984230985,0.0,0.12029536237725333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730883157562228,0.1321319339789566,0.04703013798540736,0.0,0.0,0.07597655461140701,0.0,0.05073402279010907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750921215521466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841364936024258,0.06625919437668727,0.0521715569302237,0.06086369068358561,0.0,0.03890560847306273,0.1065642778738117,0.0992585047337358,0.05628540045342722,0.2646960751635175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059567374786868986,0.04208110725698537,0.05655718206172749,0.0,0.0,0.05010380504540108,0.0,0.0,0.13652750554403065,0.0,0.06154993157613274,0.11301237755450995,0.033476562604575294,0.04940597196356169,0.047110996979977234,0.0,0.0,0.05832432882547856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815561270672965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948218263406096,0.062235425244805964,0.05908562409945916,0.0,0.05800868206033233,0.135934866395338,0.0,0.06649556925631825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474431568910123,0.04801471068199623,0.0,0.06237094637544813,0.06399948680664973,0.06023344235344615,0.12481714261723795,0.11511028923236988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589863091129881,0.06430079325463904,0.0,0.10632651632986467,0.0,0.07863790034404558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808446250839433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701669784569409,0.0,0.08660259545390253,0.08735330094141461,0.0,0.1137799111019672,0.06264518820052728,0.11055503209218057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957474362797584,0.0,0.0,0.06911128034143092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167338495772397,0.2057311838525648,0.0,0.0646590231373809,0.11136684503830152,0.0,0.05641385384620508,0.0,0.0,0.11272655432628073,0.0,0.05921489899410488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704577182095484,0.03773548056726465,0.0,0.058160701417426075,0.18972290653597207,0.06672687285540928,0.0,0.0,0.09368582346883826,0.058973289038826475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061449832221802676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981852085147644,0.0,0.0582576699997929,0.0,0.04169263154560885,0.12556788555890175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288630694989569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857711855981311,0.047344891586220565,0.10296957518292522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826654532026442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869491933343083,0.0,0.0,0.22514160181370887,0.06544463248991207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048602058882886316,0.034743169655725624,0.0,0.14174796965606948,0.0,0.0,0.10920939840219372,0.05315179644690335,0.0,0.0,0.056781459101970265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929065230688595,0.0,0.0,0.03793231496495985
bpd,batsforbrains,2019/04/24,"Community Exchange Idea (Mods, feel free to take this down per your discretion)

​

***Please note, ALL of this is just a suggestion. In no way am I pushing for people to share personal information if they are uncomfortable with it. My goal here is to propose utilizing what some may feel is a negative (in general, or for them), and turn it even just slightly more positive.***

​

I'm fairly new to this sub, and I always thought that the issues I experienced regarding my birthday were my own (dreading the day, wanting people to know about it, but not wanting the attention, wanting to feel loved by receiving gifts but asking for things is not within my character, etc.), but after reading quite a few posts I have learned that I am not alone in this, and that many other folks experience this due to various reasons, including (but not limited to) BPD.

​

Because we understand how each other feel regarding the matter, I wanted to ask the moderators and the rest of the subredditors here what opinions you all have on a birthday ""card"" exchange?

​

Here is the general idea:

​

\- The exchange can either be done on the redditors birthday (which would require personal information to be shared), or on October 10 (which is National Mental Health Awareness Day), or just the month of May (which is National BPD awareness month).

​

\- The exchange could be done via physical cards (again, personal information would need to be shared), personal e-mail, or even just reddit DMs.

​

\- Because we are all different people and don't know each other on a close, personal level, I think it would be beneficial and a way to avoid any triggers to include specific information, such as preferred pronouns, spiritual/religious beliefs that may pertain to your birthday, customs, etc.

​

This is my idea of how the sign-ups could go:

​

\- Yearly at a set time (i.e, January for exact birthdays), August (to give ample time if the October 10th time exchange is decided), or March (to give ample time if the May time exchange is decided).

\- Once the sign-ups are closed, we could make a giant post that lists the usernames of folks that wish to receive the cards, and their birthday information if wanted. I don't know if posts are able to be locked so only members of the subreddit can read them or not, but that would be great. It could look something like this:

​

    u /aaaa - personal e-mail aaaa @aaa.com - Jan. 23
    
    u /bbbb - reddit DM - Prefers to not give birthday, please just send on January 1 of each year
    
    u /cccc - physical card (lives in USA), please DM via reddit for address and birthdate.
    
    user #4 (please contact mod who posted this, as user prefers to not be listed, but still receive a card) - - (mod would have the rest of the information needed)
    
    u /eeee - physical card (lives in UNITED KINGDOM), please DM via reddit for address and birthdate.""

​

If even more anonymity was wanted, we could even do something like:

​

    4 users would like physical cards (two in USA, one in UNITED KINGDOM, one in AUSTRALIA)
    3 users would like reddit DMS
    6 users would like personal emails
    
    please comment on this thread if you would like a DM with the information of the users and which category - ex. ""I would like the information for the 4 users wanting the physical cards, please!""

​

Users could then decide to send cards to everyone listed, or only a few, or even only one. You don't even have to participate if you don't want to - there is no pressure at all.

​

My idea of including the country for physical cards, is that way in case someone is in the position of only being able to send cards within their own nation, they don't contact someone and end up finding out that the receiver is international, thereby possibly making the sender feel like they made the receiver feel let down by not receiving a card.

​

***Please note that this is a suggestion for only cards, and not physical gifts, however I cannot control what you do, or what friendships may come of this if it happens. I also cannot control if people decide to be absolute assholes, and would encourage people to not only not participate unless you genuinely are wanting to be kind to another person, but also to report to the proper channels (mods, police, etc.) any kind of harassment or ill intent you may happen to receive or come across. We are all real people here, all dealing with our very real lives and all of the ups and downs that come with those lives, and with this being a safe space for us all, I wouldn't want anyone to come to any harm from this.***",7.8280033890812675,8.393849484957883,7.467402932292052,71.73117586384734,62.5740072202166,10.538186104766815,36.814779341339424,10.336758426978903,3.979275871214912,3666,165,603,78,49,1158,308,831,0.052000000000000005,0.852,0.096,0.9922,2,2,2,0,0,0,226.0,7,9,7,6,26,23,1,3,47,0,79,3,0,10,9,184,124,53,0,44,46,1,6,8,0,18,2,0,2,8,44,36,0,6,36,3,7,16,22,5,2,4,6,8,41,19,98,81,25,79,1,0,1,1,68,35,0,29,28,421,85,6,0.0525559063528824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02721603447476767,0.0,0.04202893932247408,0.02186536212573776,0.4270822693179176,0.4789588406202372,0.053609727808172136,0.02755472512244414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018374155853811955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04913267791408713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032037592706430584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619232424473465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054451941005623,0.0,0.0,0.058945917894181965,0.12588484412926454,0.0,0.0,0.03389421175595658,0.02709141586385897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02745486809215116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053782939219943725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02327446680459835,0.0,0.08792059216484265,0.10413804143856316,0.0,0.0,0.02510971037703321,0.0,0.02570488055043969,0.0,0.0,0.07972153614094413,0.01877297499983291,0.0,0.0,0.02401757313800594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562462147964212,0.014934366365840128,0.0,0.0,0.028971536146350577,0.0,0.0,0.04647501441930775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02793223541406813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865844229099287,0.0,0.027427355889633624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547288889457615,0.0433250275137791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02687098750870956,0.0,0.10270464457059172,0.0,0.09281565635687024,0.0,0.022066862396586163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023716878701528613,0.02486483466987541,0.03508147559385007,0.02664172003307005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02648199616130433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041949623038276686,0.0,0.0,0.03896953862719095,0.0,0.02537941092609762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02798516251329511,0.05341986345339033,0.119913405123627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930694417803596,0.1835591610061122,0.0,0.23076241173196296,0.0,0.02962444387141963,0.1006680609834224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0279498378203375,0.052570128727536435,0.059820127381764836,0.0,0.027018112452302814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044530448902434835,0.04046010435972018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020985607351321867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01975775045706024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01745790444210226,0.016837851338219453,0.0,0.02086175954624081,0.07661442909442237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028582867151757174,0.02566974191744667,0.027356275998468592,0.03160914215222276,0.0,0.0,0.02168206342045276,0.15499417621755218,0.06257464828025795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03021834929637305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533814383758006,0.0,0.4789588406202372,0.03384428057818139
bpd,dahHurricane,2019/04/24,"Have any of you gone through withdrawals on SSRIs before??? So long story short, I flushed all my meds down the toilet during a nasty fight with my SO and now it feels like I’m dying. I’ve been nauseous every other day for a month or two now. I chalked it down as a side affect to the meds I was taking (and stress) but, ever since I lovingly disposed of them a week ago I’ve been dealing with some severe bouts of nausea every single day. 

I don’t know if I’m dying, or pregnant...or just going crazy over nothing.",3.9150134770889484,4.433436,4.898733153638816,86.91216981132077,71.0754716981132,6.434501347708894,24.57681940700809,5.288315135182226,0.5333951482479784,400,10,82,1,7,131,76,106,0.107,0.82,0.073,-0.3798,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,6,4,1,1,6,0,5,1,0,1,2,15,13,9,2,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,4,1,9,2,13,9,3,17,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,4,10,52,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805852211950767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892649407001405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132561540812615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445374414098036,0.19545713490011404,0.0,0.0,0.3935252902874555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149340339416236,0.31947251240722097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586150290956204,0.1354418656248165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774735717337827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041927301482579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262323012933776,0.0,0.0,0.16777961288781848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111077483249734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211795561265236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132751219805465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191501484600914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418072979619274,0.0,0.15682933864289614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717267087035194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254675044725876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852001473094955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207623808869716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,its_mickeyyy,2019/04/24,"DAE Feel Emotionally blind? Ever since I can remember I have been absolutely terrible at reading emotion, whether it be my own or somebody else's. I have really intense feelings but for the life of me I cannot tell whether I'm feeling sad, angry, anxious, etc. I also can't tell what somebody else is feeling by reading their facial expressions or behaviours. I feel a little lost because of this and it makes it such a struggle to handle my emotions. Since I don't know what it is that I'm feeling, I can't properly deal with it and work through my emotions. It's really frustrating me and I feel so alone. My boyfriend can look at me and tell me exactly what I'm feeling, and he helps me work through it which is amazing. But when I'm alone, I struggle so much to identify and solve my feelings. Does anyone else struggle with this?",4.4730894308943085,5.840499073170732,5.3534146341463416,81.02308943089433,70.46341463414635,8.393495934959349,35.008130081300806,8.841846274778883,3.101530081300813,664,35,125,12,12,217,88,164,0.212,0.6809999999999999,0.107,-0.9679,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,6,8,1,3,3,0,13,3,1,1,2,28,30,16,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,14,8,0,0,11,2,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,11,21,1,12,27,3,5,0,2,2,0,8,3,0,2,2,84,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149381192559644,0.0,0.08298068901873644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722471105317435,0.0,0.07255477475595798,0.10631932039008722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325407112664577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697697306265544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080529319037192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600465767529808,0.4668858242890225,0.0,0.0,0.11572520322717632,0.0,0.0938612202859508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721994967217905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955137153885699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057026431355861475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329216101561055,0.0,0.10399960957858582,0.0,0.0,0.08713631491391034,0.0,0.1132715585495137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926382305858059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627908199086524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075858003526629,0.0,0.13294880141033336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754531325198153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167066266482328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254325586848767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720850787476823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108404950220905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rtzhb,2019/04/24,"Acutane and BPD? Hello! I just saw my dermatologist for my acne and he recommended Accutane. However he asked if I had biplolar and I told him I wasn’t sure. I saw a psychiatrist once and said I definitely have BPD and maybe bipolar 2. I don’t really believe her diagnoses because she just assessed me like 1hour  and said yeah It sounds like  you have it. It wasn’t an official diagnosis I guess because  I see a counseller now but before they treat for that they said want to take care of drug use first... anyway, my dermatologist asked me this because apparently this drug can cause some mood swings including depression. I really want my skin to clear up and I’ve been feeling pretty good lately with some minor depression mood swings, well I wouldn’t say depression maybe just some emptiness and random feelings of guilt. I’m worried this pill might make it worse and set me back from all the work I’ve done, but I really want my skin to clear up too... so I’m wondering has anyone with BPD has been on Accutane and experienced any serious mood swings?
Thank you!! :)",3.4362807881773385,5.991153157635473,4.644362068965517,79.84309482758623,76.5369458128079,8.592019704433497,25.913546798029557,9.255337874911486,2.4977450246305417,853,32,159,23,20,280,119,203,0.128,0.659,0.213,0.9183,2,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,2,2,9,16,0,1,4,1,14,7,2,3,4,38,37,14,0,5,6,0,4,2,0,2,5,5,0,0,8,12,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,12,13,27,8,13,23,4,8,0,3,3,0,17,3,0,8,6,93,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635115308642815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850560208670378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992477110056074,0.0,0.0,0.08633288730469528,0.0,0.2053262085756004,0.0,0.09553813471495673,0.12649597945486704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242209799755077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447229953942355,0.1153378103099852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29010803028889315,0.11395721388853565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489676203487502,0.0,0.0,0.2604077435659764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135396775742364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550143665809607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417131688370332,0.0,0.0,0.12368406135680275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266515929933136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970422292138204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494473176066566,0.0,0.2255915518700779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910650502343625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195696852731708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422449191056153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157795762552504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32039897870710565,0.08928594073507462,0.0,0.0,0.08946899377977093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581827873791456,0.0,0.08441716222781283,0.0,0.0,0.10336814561221118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072839997143479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096969936372988,0.0,0.0,0.19866890028638576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094910931926927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175793138635407,0.08173786157949789,0.1140211649707131,0.11441827101009992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,danixsunshine,2019/04/24,"Anyone else relate? So I’m unable to put a name to this feeling but does anyone else just not feel connected to anybody except for like one person? Even those I consider my “friends”  are disconnected from me. It’s like if they disappeared I wouldn’t care. I can’t form any attachments to anyone I’m supposed to be close to (family, friends, etc.) the only person in my life that I’m attached to is my bf and even that is hard to maintain sometimes. I’d really appreciate it if you’d reply with your experiences. Thanks!",3.96970588235294,5.628611411764709,5.462892156862747,78.60551470588237,72.13725490196079,8.629411764705884,27.45588235294117,9.188382445141503,2.4029764705882357,412,15,77,9,8,139,72,102,0.034,0.69,0.276,0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,14,5,0,3,6,0,3,2,3,1,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,10,6,13,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,2,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117703279561567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737890863782276,0.3651586153737949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816791631133072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593748628353366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977139919988531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873177715602994,0.23538897469925826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430648955803105,0.1679840612074332,0.0,0.1801989973542719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27534221765230904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962550882064225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258626557055611,0.17411174136052254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074787189354134,0.13552345086785408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111816928930013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913271258555405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141546994010162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623697132398886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640557432930169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Turndiall,2019/04/24,"He has BPD and he broke me I miss him.. I was his FP and he was my soul and I asked him for help so many times and he couldn't give it. I had to go before I lost everything and he knew what it meant to me. 

​

I've never known anything as passionate and soulful as it was between us and I'm afraid I never will. I'll be sailing down the river of shit that I created for myself all the while wishing things were different. Wishing I could have shown him my Paris. I'll accept my purgatory.

​

I fucked up and because of that I'm not allowed to grieve. I wish he could have been the person he said he was.

​

I wish I could blame his bpd for it all. I wish I could find out if he ever truly loved me or if it was just the obsession with me that created a good enough illusion for me to fall for. I'm such an idiot after all. 

​

I'll never forgive you but I'll never not love you. 

​

Funny.. I'm meant to be the 'sane' one yet I'm the one in therapy..

​

A bientot mon couer 

(because I can't say goodbye)",0.4506315396113614,2.5304233363228725,2.5853195067264565,93.07660407324366,84.69506726457398,5.510388639760836,21.39928998505232,6.816661863887847,0.44784917787742895,816,27,182,10,24,275,114,223,0.078,0.7879999999999999,0.134,0.8428,2,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,1,2,0,1,5,15,3,2,9,0,20,5,1,1,8,43,42,16,1,12,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,10,10,0,0,7,0,0,2,8,9,0,2,13,2,32,6,21,21,4,15,2,4,0,4,26,4,2,3,9,122,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254119909228421,0.47708567785725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053849862493177976,0.0,0.06117565581739096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978074177244923,0.0,0.05568288121612831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483363079983934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898753400045586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836873674397255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761490169386593,0.0,0.0,0.05919237801379997,0.0,0.0,0.058811415804464674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059809106697943565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060496336296152274,0.0,0.06277405060977552,0.037189898675785635,0.05488625319770568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043861682843713175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143325956607738,0.0,0.11812062115112433,0.0,0.0,0.06634381695930669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187914458290904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868490569286724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571378995231773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622464817368318,0.05203888946602075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717112193978007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483400618901892,0.0,0.04347407056910026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815739865123425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871380446099963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762521023497041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47708567785725,0.0
bpd,f_boner,2019/04/24,"When did you choose to open up to your SOs about your BPD? Is it better to do sooner? Is there a right way to approach it? I’ve recently started dating a guy. About a month into it. This is my first relationship since officially having my diagnosis. This being my first relationship in a while I’m having a hard time navigating it. I find myself splitting a lot lately and going through feelings about him not liking me. Yada yada, that bpd kinda stuff. I feel like I’ll feel better if I just tell him what I have and what I’m dealing with. 

So basically, when do you open up? How much do you share? What’s the best way to approach it!? Heeelp!",1.2353488372093049,3.685675480620159,3.314387596899227,86.61762790697678,84.89147286821705,5.610542635658915,19.452713178294577,7.0316486544052195,0.4602843410852713,503,14,101,7,15,170,80,129,0.028999999999999998,0.845,0.126,0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,0,5,9,6,0,0,7,0,11,0,0,1,0,17,18,8,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,4,16,6,14,16,3,23,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,3,13,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940089522658194,0.2855266953955072,0.0,0.0,0.4066070323174931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641748618698787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485722167883825,0.23063772845413397,0.0,0.0,0.14753544687456355,0.2746084534327894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173901138604416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983171060318732,0.0,0.0,0.14460109535478788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820893972580073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772384189014602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372339685100773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884433297255038,0.0,0.11866266833083855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938330684000213,0.34661049460154103,0.0,0.13785225701870468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352873667495566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425428725331575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478789588617453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410886646532739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412561351253684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25625621828370354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daegontaven,2019/04/24,"Is it normal to be prescribed anticonvulsants? My doctor claims I have ""Affectual Instability"" and has prescribed me an antidepressant (Fluoxetine 20mg) and an anticonvulsant (Oxcarbazepine 300mg Extended Release). Is this normal?",10.557254901960787,14.446544529411767,11.388823529411766,33.596372549019605,59.58823529411765,13.945098039215686,43.68627450980392,12.45797560212912,7.8455215686274515,190,11,20,8,3,65,28,34,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629766924581439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8863704542912727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blankxstare,2019/04/24,"Help? .
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Help. I'm so suicidal my ex threaten to call the police. The person I claim to be the love of my life. But I also claim my other ex is my soulmate. My black and white thinking is controlling me. My impulsivity is getting the best of me. I can't afford therapy because no one will hire me. I can't stick to any decision. I can't keep my thoughts together. I don't want to play this game anymore, I don't want to be this toxic human waste.",-0.2767375886524803,1.9398490212765969,2.6543617021276624,89.9841666666667,90.70212765957449,5.686524822695036,21.663120567375888,7.1686216300943375,0.8545205673758858,344,13,75,6,12,121,56,94,0.163,0.6659999999999999,0.171,0.5896,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,1,0,9,19,4,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,2,17,3,7,15,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,49,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987428315987807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900337842753554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464668928349401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151496611495016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26080834629494504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25376859263111906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278738384130826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984240791954554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331579114290117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089763688211536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755383305017779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243006702434736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840483561239747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699969123860186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718425643569107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842063914263699,0.0,0.0,0.15924276495874526,0.0,0.197298586697178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931692491827881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,krisma_14,2019/04/24,Black and White thinking every single day Sometimes I Feel like I Just want to die and that suicide is the only way to save myself,4.091153846153849,5.668803500000003,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,71.69230769230771,5.2,24.538461538461537,3.1291,0.4055230769230764,105,3,19,0,2,33,23,26,0.244,0.552,0.203,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,2,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378939948334696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828342311703373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31079327475531554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865143901598189,0.2635245244689457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021379550562816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805462201465768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36482701582943106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034896100040745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363603407037284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175721566962613,0.2927959727926851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DerAmerikanische,2019/04/24,"I feel so........empty I found out today that I'll likely be able to finish my undergrad at a good school, I should be happy but I feel nothing. I ordered a sandwich that was not made well and it just........made me realize how despite I am to find the littlest thing to make me feel good as I'm so incapable of feeling anything by myself. So much of my life has been wasted by desperately chasing intensities to make me feel whole.",2.8408803986710964,4.421518337209303,4.706079734219268,83.20453488372095,74.93023255813954,7.239867109634551,27.40199335548173,7.957251820313856,1.7552179401993355,331,13,66,5,7,113,60,86,0.159,0.727,0.113,-0.7331,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,4,0,17,17,6,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,5,12,5,11,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,46,16,2,0.20695106936625196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703030967145282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5232033942772967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891495281660153,0.0,0.0,0.226911165719963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471614765148611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030326157987326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461756605636146,0.10110583899005987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582210570186664,0.2762828916067265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213284807942784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857513255812487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944553078893327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748909471480378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616541560581455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860738651845402,0.0,0.0,0.2310534782986594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Curafliss,2019/04/24,"I can't handle my life anymore. (trigger warnings) Trigger warnings: Sexual abuse, Suicide ideation, self harm  


I am turning 26 in a few months. I have made great strides to be better, its just going at a very slow pace, and im really dis-regulated right now. I'm pretty hopeless. I keep thinking about how my ex will always see me as a terrible person and that he'll never want to make things better with me and it hurts indefinitely. I wasn't the greatest girlfriend. I never cheated but because of my past abuse I now know I keep seeing my bosses as abusive figures that will emotionally take advantage of me and that I have to neglect myself for. My lack of job ruined my relationship.   


I wanted to be employed badly so I could take care of us and help make a beautiful future; but i couldn't fight through my triggers to keep employment  and it hurts me even after a year later. I still think about him everyday. the last few weeks I've been waking up at 4:00pm and sleeping late at night. I'm barely eating. i keep crying about how my life has turned out.   


I've been recently sexually taken advantage of by some one a few months ago. He was recently accused of sexually harassing someone. I entered the situation wanting to be abused. All the warning signs were there. His urges came first before my health. He didn't respect me as a person.  


My ex did. I can't believe i ruined something so good. He always asked if I was okay with something sexually but he couldn't handle my bpd.   


I can't face the friends I lost or my ex. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be different; I wasn't the monster I painted myself to be, but right now I believe im a demon. I know its the bpd but i'm so tried of fighting and being constantly afraid I will lose everyone eventually. I've been really resistant towards using dbt skills but I took a walk the other day. I make comic ideas in my head and I was able to get something out.   


Anyways, thankyou for reading my post. I really want to prove that i am more then my illness but I do get burnout.",2.6226510721247567,4.79732802469136,4.3290480831708935,83.00834795321637,77.39506172839506,6.831059129304742,26.70727745289149,7.85451343220497,1.7682345679012352,1610,65,305,26,38,541,205,405,0.217,0.695,0.08800000000000001,-0.9954,4,0,3,0,6,3,42.0,1,0,0,9,16,26,4,1,17,1,33,9,4,11,5,64,70,27,1,11,10,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,11,14,1,5,8,2,0,5,10,16,0,2,16,2,59,10,40,40,8,43,1,8,2,0,21,11,0,4,26,204,70,6,0.07817938681009781,0.3705191575281189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930130933287501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130103025292202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753294428771426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308717322597749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527652243126303,0.04765742856460198,0.0,0.06652489999147285,0.17616279421124229,0.0,0.13828662890610147,0.0,0.0,0.1969284017762815,0.0,0.0,0.08941639128446417,0.07970909523589315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844841434057259,0.0,0.12483975770652064,0.0,0.08587638538970244,0.05041923687321141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168081958228007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999703021204366,0.0,0.08794128750357362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163674766071216,0.0,0.0,0.07470375440106715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649934648271093,0.0,0.0,0.06040120031712756,0.0,0.08169100574616121,0.0,0.04443114716885463,0.06557316046042608,0.0,0.08619304995561361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023460562080112,0.08310103234619147,0.0,0.0,0.052401995028061935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738530104949476,0.08825501168093193,0.16889430681007614,0.0,0.07758097813174117,0.2779577244906269,0.0,0.0,0.08593069284646572,0.0637266347139889,0.08818975357619037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044082588623694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746273632782664,0.08534203591680878,0.0,0.0,0.07397522609820645,0.15655604330588374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480408135392593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059352542853125,0.0,0.0,0.07336605850437251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297637580095582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463107089224592,0.0,0.13652645008610734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487424178551777,0.07953654238276958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820054326246627,0.0,0.15025115126447675,0.0,0.15438542568694255,0.08393540361528977,0.0,0.13352953834182255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459769873663193,0.0,0.08155815073364751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787690636245225,0.07823584702827183,0.0,0.0662411407424965,0.18055893439702847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243415929497501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551556014230652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756233867291555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051938910732836525,0.10018838864525724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686017533871525,0.05307867181432685,0.17007344614665235,0.0,0.0,0.09404017635854016,0.06752188891523969,0.0,0.06450618172606902,0.2305611394933141,0.0,0.06271078839114345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050344961893821635
bpd,vdiaryjournal,2019/04/24,DAE have a FP who isn't their SO? I have started idealizing someone who isn't my SO and I haven't really talked to this person all that much. I really want to stop this because it impacts my relationship to an extent. Has anyone else been in this position? What have you done to stop this?,1.7678531073446315,4.012114627118645,3.8450000000000015,85.01009887005651,80.6949152542373,7.3231638418079115,21.69774011299436,8.344100000000001,1.3428621468926556,229,7,47,5,6,78,40,59,0.094,0.8220000000000001,0.084,-0.1408,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,6,11,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,5,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957354569222783,0.2868241384004977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064437944728936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28646834898417384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338478558350117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578274851398246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444264415305607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586641193339785,0.0,0.0,0.3005429645490255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371860735322969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981378102415644,0.0,0.0,0.4680725538504821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499930556688533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651115629126479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,erinneudorf,2019/04/24,Trying a weighted blanket. I get a lot of anxiety before bed. Sometimes don’t sleep for nights at a time unless I use some cannabis.  So my husband bought me a weighted blanket. So far I love it. But I’m curious if anyone else has tried this? Any thoughts?,0.6834453781512586,3.1964359999999985,2.2906442577030823,91.61647058823529,90.9607843137255,4.4829131652661065,26.893557422969195,6.1826913282559595,1.1445439775910369,200,10,39,2,7,65,42,51,0.036000000000000004,0.815,0.149,0.7535,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,4,1,1,0,7,8,5,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,4,6,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595321526317104,0.0,0.17946397944481474,0.0,0.0,0.16403377274948566,0.2403695593902345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996224506556225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597341557399173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256582697352054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944366474857614,0.2117304937547133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201508366861713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23476369772677436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201973806397916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862416511424405,0.1367938092110915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185482292037898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261413305220424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.571345257533594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,drstevebrule_udingus,2019/04/24,"Why can't I un-love someone who clearly does not love me back? Why does it seem impossible to just let go, when it's the obvious answer to everyone else? I feel like I'm losing my mind. I know in my heart that I'm not loved by my boyfriend the way I love him. He also has a pattern of threatening to break up with me over any tiny thing (many many times over the past 4 years), and for someone with abandonment issues, this causes me ongoing mental stress. I can acknowledge these things, but yet I still beg him to stay when he tries to leave (I'm mortified by this btw), and stay in perpetual fear of being left- to what benefit? I don't know. Why would I care about being left when he doesn't even love or like me? I feel pathetic, and I'm sure I look pathetic to anyone I try to vent to. It seems like the pain I feel everyday tirelessly trying to make this relationship work and make him love me is less painful than what I'd feel over the loss of our relationship.

Does this resonate with anyone?",3.950257839721253,4.722810468292689,4.913885017421606,85.91298780487806,71.14634146341461,8.979094076655054,25.86236933797909,9.23628265651192,1.779139372822299,786,23,173,16,14,257,118,205,0.222,0.6859999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,3,10,18,0,2,6,0,10,8,1,3,3,31,32,10,0,1,5,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,10,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,0,5,24,11,27,28,1,23,0,3,1,5,15,8,0,3,13,99,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787418441621147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695908264946722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769701926097527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571294869454688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039088941143078,0.10114993239738854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585002485533812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225426607770216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503472418839112,0.0,0.0,0.09408683318386413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079968269222744,0.1991459813601308,0.07034289685753131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595951589528176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166806385080123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277111999757492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108226779604852,0.0,0.0,0.1042594488068389,0.2139634431139067,0.10068639109155543,0.0,0.14431401162874122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268519110829331,0.11015633616619093,0.0,0.0,0.4443392569102813,0.0,0.13145133466220252,0.19965463805392086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922882891884482,0.0,0.09942084750150433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954585908392925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399529078114943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114275616128675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927635356690666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685691927845334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098996295070609,0.07863369622661427,0.0,0.11279049293092945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928014127542478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083057656342348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574153098657572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055233558158228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815635738632548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26654607582620443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168316401059283,0.0,0.0,0.06994619501031954,0.0,0.0,0.06340776403179446
bpd,visceraltides,2019/04/24,How do you deal when your fp breaks up with you? I literally just do not know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to live without him in my life. I know logically as time goes on it will get better but it just happened and I don’t know how to cope.,-0.5668421052631558,1.20002521052632,1.9851754385964924,97.75039473684211,86.36842105263158,5.203508771929825,16.517543859649123,6.42735559955562,-0.6232666666666669,195,4,51,2,6,67,38,57,0.0,0.9620000000000001,0.038,0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,0,16,12,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,10,1,10,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27583754873262084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215404527585608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294740103776825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757994866979287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6856168774425608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202940872407199,0.0,0.0,0.2754007793284451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818630546491504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006466766369629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ze_firemeister,2019/01/14,Fell off the medication wagon I fell off the meds wagon again. My ssri ran out because I procrastinated calling it into my pharmacy and I went without for 3 days. Now I'm having intense feelings of worthlessness. I started a fight with my fiancee because I was frustrated with my 5 year old daughter's attitude when I got home. I keep splitting on her and seeing her as only a collection of bad traits and I see all the ways I led to her having her behavior issues. And now because of my bad mood my fiancee left the house to get away from me and part of me really wants to just pack up and leave to spare her the energy of getting rid of me. DAE just feel like a barely contained mess all the time? Like I'm one bad day from totally screwing up all the best parts of my life just because I can't handle having other people around me. ,4.7016406670252815,5.305712461538462,6.042054868208716,79.1083647122109,69.35502958579882,8.749004841312534,30.15653577192039,8.841846274778883,2.395220118343196,662,25,128,11,11,224,102,169,0.129,0.7979999999999999,0.073,-0.8596,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,3,0,10,0,5,3,0,1,4,25,19,8,0,1,4,1,2,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,11,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,8,0,1,4,4,26,3,27,15,7,26,0,1,2,1,10,10,1,0,12,91,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320158224850225,0.0,0.0,0.1393299676980543,0.0,0.3714655473503311,0.3616020406254689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556286132437831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142787689526116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127866829216528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996689677715294,0.10594344791685822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495818421317242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186067045332076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487540406479445,0.0,0.0,0.17111489426943455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547835998405366,0.0,0.13181323905146314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570251720920572,0.16112518750514654,0.0,0.10474659778037193,0.1449009035992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472460033790334,0.14939368436443767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556128161949279,0.0,0.10048992450673214,0.11278659518413367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32118252489550303,0.0,0.10281050772524293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500289276328364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363471103950223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496542098320734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647320713437277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746944709438298,0.11771130203664637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747285855618302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429530719872924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549844328749199
bpd,douglasmacarthur,2019/01/14,Has anyone else experienced disassociation during what should be really positive experiences? Like while doing something you definitely would have expected you would enjoy?,13.418749999999996,17.747676708333334,13.181666666666667,21.93000000000001,52.75,16.46666666666667,41.16666666666667,13.816669648895859,8.923066666666667,147,7,12,7,2,49,22,24,0.0,0.608,0.392,0.9172,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27523953942492224,0.4033267400328514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288324821041068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850516747526044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923107331659087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25217338893516944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030403295165072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592556353795334,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,consider-thecoconut,2019/01/14,"Did I react borderliney, or was he a dick? (**context:** a borderline DX was thrown about as a possible DX for me when i was a teenager but was never officially diagnosed. i think i have some traits, my boyfriend thinks i do, but i don't think i have enough symptoms to meet criteria. so a sort of subsyndromal borderline. also i have had childhood trauma and stuff. i have avoidant PD though 100% {self-dx}, and depression with some anxious features {formally Dx} ) 

So me and my boyfriend had plans to go to the gym together. Its something I never do and am not interested in but hes been talking about it a lot lately and how he thinks I should exercise and all that because he wants me to be healthy. I bust his balls half joking half serious and say oh so what you want some fitness girls who wears leggings and sports bras and drinks smoothies and has a 6pack? Lol. For context he was previously overweight and diet and exercised to a pretty hot bod, no 6 pack or anything but great upper body. He dresses like a hobo half the time to the gym and says he thinks those girls are stupid and for him it is about the exercise..for context. But honestly I just think the whole gym thing is one big stupid public display of narcissism for everyone even if you act like it's not because you dress like a hobo instead of in fitness fashion, you're still there cause ultimately you want to look hot. He says it's about being healthy but I dont buy any of that from anyone, they just say that to make themselves look less vain and superficial imo.

Also in no way am I fat or is this a way for him to try to get me to subtly lose weight or anything. I'm 5'5 105 lbs with possibly narcolepsy and a slow of other things and he just thinks itll make me \~feel better\~

I've said a bunch of times I'm just not interested in the gym I think it's stupid I'd rather work out outside in nature. I used to run cross country in school with a team to all different parks but I dont feel safe to run in stuff like that alone and I also dont have a car so I cant really get to the places I would want to run. I like swimming at the beach and skiing neither of which hes expressed any interest in the 9 years we've been together. It actually took me 7 years to get him to the beach again since the last time we went and now he likes it so at least well get to swim together in the summer now.. I would be interested in yoga but it's not something I want to do alone.

So really, its not that I'm totally opposed to working out, i just dont like the gym and the places that I would like to exercise arent very accessible to me.

But anyways so hes been pestering me a lot lately about it again so we agreed to go together over the weekend. And I actually was excited for it because I've been sort of depressed and not getting out much besides work..

An issue with us going together tho is that he is really weird about things though where he either needs everything set on a particular schedule, OR wants to do things extremely impulsively where he cant even wait for me to get ready without losing the desire to do the thing. So going to the gym with him has been very difficult because he either plans to go early in the morning when I'm asleep or decides impulsively to do it and doesnt want to lose the drive while waiting for me to eat and change and comb my hair and just wants to go as soon as he feels like it.

But despite this we made a plan go together on Sunday and I was honestly excited. 

I work nights and am a night owl so I slept late and got up at the time we were supposed to leave. I came out of the bedroom and he had just returned from the store and I apologized for sleeping past my alarm today, and asked if he still wanted to go. He said yes and that's fine, so I said great I will just eat and get ready.

So I made breakfast and we got to talking and over breakfast I was sort of discussing and sharing childhood trauma stuff. So it wasnt as quick of a breakfast as it could have been. Then I get up, and our roommate comes out (who is an insane fitness freak) and is asking him if hes going to the gym etc and my boyfriend huffs and says whenever marissa's ready etc. So I guess now he was annoyed? when before the roommate came out he was acting relaxed and like everything was fine..

As I'm putting my dishes in the sink from breakfast I notice a squirrel is poking around in our trees and on the fence. Now sometimes I put out food for the squirrels when I see them, and I used to do it always for the birds but now I wait til the squirrels come and do it because I like to watch them more than the birds lately.

So I got excited because its something I havent been doing for the last few months and this week i put some food aside for them. So when I saw the squirrel I was like, yay the squirrels here I've got food for him! 

And my roommate said it's not important and just go get ready stop making my boyfriend wait and then they teamed up on me about it and I said what it will only take a minute I just go out and put the food in the yard and come back and they just gave me shit about it. So I didnt do it and just went to go comb my hair and freshen up and get changed. And I also really hate when they do this, they treat me like a child sometimes and it's really annoying.

While I was getting ready I could sort of hear them talking a little and it was clear that my bf was getting impatient. It also almost seemed like he was self conscious to the roommate that he had to wait for me to go to the gym or something? idk the whole vibe was so weird because eveything was fine until the roommate came out and then it was like it shifted and my bf was just being a dick acting like I'm some ball and chain holding him up IDK.

Well after maybe 10-15 in the bathroom doing everything and then 5 getting dressed, I come out and my boyfriend suddenly has like 8 chicken breasts on the counter and is starting to do all this cooking stuff and just says were not going now.

I got really frustrated because he waits until I'm literally about to put my shoes on to go, to suddenly start doing something else when he could have been doing that the whole time, and also it just seemed really mean and vindictive to me. So I call him an asshole and stomp off to my room and stay there because I'm upset and embarrassed.

After a bit he comes in the room and gets something, walks out, roommate asks where hes going and he says to the gym, and then he goes to his car in the driveway. At this point I'm really frustrated and embarrassed now like what !! So I open the window which is facing the driveway and am like, are you serious you're going to the gym now and didnt apologize and are going without me? Or something and hes like yeah and I just call him a dick and slam the window.

He comes back and we fight and basically we spent most of the day with me hiding under the covers and being upset.

He tried to spin it like I was over reacting, and I can see how it is sort of borderliney cause I got so upset. But i think he was really mean and weird to me and I didnt deserve it or do anything wrong to deserve the way he treated me. And he was being an ass! Could I have handled it better besides storming off and calling him and ass and moping under the covers, sure, but I dont think it was that bad and fairly warranted! And if he didnt want to wait why did he act like nothing was wrong and say it's fine when I got up and first apologized and asked if he stil wanted to go together?

Anyways I'm just wondering what you all think because he really tried to twist this on me over reacting but I really feel like I got gaslighted and toyed around with for no reason. And after all the fuss he makes about me going to the gym I'm finally ready to go and want to go and dont feel too self conscious and weird about it, and when I'm literally about to put my sneakers on he pulls the rug out. Idk it just is so cringey and weird to me.

Am I over reacting or was he a dick? And what do I do? 

After I spent all day moping and talked to him a lot he started being nice and also I said that the way he talks and jokes with me and stuff he really just puts me down a lot and it makes me feel bad and like he doesn't really like me, so it makes me more sensitive to things like this cause then it's like confirming he hates me and doesnt want to do anything with me. And he apologized and said he is sorry and didnt mean to hurt me and hell try not to do that, and to point out out if he does. And then was very lovey and stuff. But he never really owned up and apologized and saw that the way he acted and treated me in this gym instance was wrong and he still pretty much thinks I was oversensitive, over reacting, and cause I'm getting my period or something and I'm really frustrated about that and even though hes being nice now I'm upset because I can tell he still thinks he was justified and right in behaving the way he did.",3.200679196247464,4.261181122306034,4.329766734279918,88.32720081135905,73.17564655172414,7.657099391480732,25.662145030425958,8.07648339933343,1.322353968052738,7017,223,1536,102,136,2296,509,1856,0.122,0.747,0.131,0.9107,2,3,9,0,1,0,122.0,10,6,9,15,114,102,13,8,94,4,147,43,19,22,12,349,304,222,0,30,65,0,11,27,2,7,10,16,9,5,90,169,17,13,29,34,4,57,38,44,2,5,82,34,168,58,206,203,36,233,1,6,7,7,149,82,8,37,113,1019,258,7,0.0,0.0,0.050106235296348806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02570777336085092,0.053178913593865264,0.0,0.14371466702107732,0.02136196961870413,0.0,0.0,0.03491700313093658,0.0,0.0,0.029003151240654564,0.0,0.01795113919729889,0.0,0.08450667507823155,0.0457087767652099,0.0960030542234517,0.0,0.0,0.039481862086725716,0.042871719112126686,0.17215006225992355,0.0,0.0218458085707612,0.0,0.0,0.04541131551292545,0.028028236570652343,0.028516884729623482,0.0,0.0,0.07864492555603078,0.08808912305042478,0.0,0.10549285821919012,0.054317201274913435,0.13268995466356984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199111758834468,0.0,0.0,0.03311388659456006,0.0,0.04422418694161909,0.02605752652900082,0.0,0.026822791897862238,0.0,0.0,0.022466591115397932,0.0,0.1805311943898868,0.02514973910572721,0.0,0.05253971996848437,0.021446474119152747,0.0,0.0,0.02652704326131737,0.05726430104026078,0.05087026833969889,0.0,0.0,0.02453162527673183,0.06921963645090494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788615725667113,0.03668155316093048,0.0,0.028123486330465627,0.0,0.021837417170536687,0.1241754403130823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011960266432954,0.0,0.32099192011712474,0.0,0.164264170106751,0.056609085310966235,0.02828167344606943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069349021832773,0.0,0.0,0.0289353056994358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027483447887597028,0.0,0.0,0.026795913091513468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041853797991400925,0.1158409242118368,0.027183970839892345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386479725261725,0.025731062832038198,0.0,0.0,0.04311766175060254,0.08616446752137505,0.0,0.08730497208983644,0.0,0.04858477437853618,0.10282145040712648,0.0,0.025791951413110126,0.08389617955462192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020491921599709643,0.0,0.03774517730269032,0.019036183700545092,0.0594017369072919,0.0,0.0,0.04818469084157143,0.0,0.024633909378987053,0.029228849186041638,0.0,0.0,0.01739667048982758,0.01952545234479204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024507757070689227,0.0,0.0,0.05364558379572447,0.0,0.048538514227895534,0.057884837791674075,0.0,0.052237284971399775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065899697869486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24670145227433454,0.02639609140895262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0219245781168516,0.1709461303311008,0.1633294244379599,0.0,0.025982418638336797,0.040916070152780884,0.046743419646060366,0.08034752770200011,0.0,0.026352937192385528,0.0212369480296383,0.0,0.025691513069092297,0.0,0.0,0.15811446709763166,0.05078245223156798,0.02873879067476767,0.05451438591384033,0.02736397263328842,0.08200987554490201,0.02146375444879561,0.0,0.0,0.176336466853293,0.0,0.0,0.024196472617902504,0.026684048282903727,0.019302880170497864,0.10317481352217472,0.022439309420760976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233589240018458,0.21385265273072335,0.07567069497140898,0.0,0.07485058318530778,0.0,0.02433497593114032,0.0,0.02852361691810963,0.06972105204485375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030881424713943523,0.04434641043481773,0.0,0.06354867265335541,0.1968535953676011,0.1222680628637304,0.02059330985375455,0.03126276398996708,0.04616617069523662,0.047598205160087885,0.023165864375424637,0.08598887040062121,0.0,0.049495658417076864,0.027841243383850096,0.07476091855369006,0.0,0.0,0.054712028903337886,0.08420809518003197,0.0,0.033065104950948304
bpd,shandireynolds00,2019/01/14,Does anyone know how i can get money RN EMERGENCY My man went to jail and he said I need to call him like now... And I need $5 to pay to the jail so I can actually call and talk to him.... He's getting transferred to another state and I need to find out where please someone help. ,0.1769398907103792,1.916645737704922,2.4963114754098363,95.2732103825137,83.42622950819674,6.033879781420765,20.002732240437158,7.1686216300943375,0.21109617486338814,214,6,53,3,6,73,41,61,0.077,0.8,0.122,0.4151,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,10,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,1,8,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,2,27,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.2199986956575447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639540459390365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763416212036016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604026076483736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728565564849332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604973898643528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355680920546349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110889963791507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389692829633225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013948560115652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014867582425421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474674191270049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144467961956553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101612224875456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120159509363776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208986825470454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,notshaggythemoshdog,2019/01/14,"On the receiving end I usually don’t come to reddit for things but I’m at such a loss here. I don’t suffer from BPD but I’ve been dating someone who does. Background- he was only diagnosed about three/four months ago, but we were together almost 4 years. However, I’ve been dealing with his episodes for about two years now. I got dumped again today, so it’s probably me being over sensitive but I really, truly just need some perspective here from you guys, suffers of SOs. I’ve done a lot of research on this disorder and I’ve studied it extensively at University but I’m battling to understand just everything. 

We are together about two years before it truly started, but there has been previous drinking problems and partying, getting shit faced everyday (coping mechanism?).

We’d always been a solid couple until it started. Best friends before anything, a very weird passion that even I battle to figure out sometimes. Spoke of marriage and even had kid names picked. Did a year of distance, little issue. 2017 came, dumped out of nowhere- I was too controlling. Lasted a week, we came back together. Throughout the year it progressively got worse, the drinking, irrationality, dangerous behavior. End of that year, again- pushes me away, said he needed to focus on himself. Came back groveling, we reconciled.  He also checked himself into hospital claiming to be seeing hallucinations. 

Last year Feb, same thing. We hit a rough patch (a small argument). Dumped me suddenly, claiming he didn’t feel anything when he looked at me or spoke about the end of our relationship, Said he needed to sort himself out alone without me always being there to forgive his behavior rather. This time it broke me. That was possibly the worst week of my life. He turned stone, telling me he didn’t want me, and even sent me home after (a casual 45 minute drive) in the state I was in, not even checking if I had gotten home safe.  10 days later, he’s back asking for forgiveness, saying he made a mistake and that he needs me to help him get better. It was hard, and I really hated myself for being so weak, but I took him back. He also suffered majorly with anxiety, about literally everything. That played a massive part in the drinking.

Repeatedly throughout the year the drinking, partying, late nights, selfishness, anger and pretty much leaving me on the back burner carried on. Despite all this, I stayed, knowing that he was trying to improve himself from his past behavior. After months of slacking on varsity work, not having any motivation to get up or just be a functioning person, he decided to try change when given numerous ultimatums from myself and parents. He worked on the drinking, set himself curfews, improved so much. September 2018 came, we were having a chat on the phone. An argument started, not a big one. He snapped- long story short, I was dumped again. Each time this happened it was complete silence between us for the break up period. He partied, I cried. There was no checking up on me, concern for how I was dealing with it. Not too surprising because he was a very manipulative, selfish person by nature (he said this himself and couldn’t understand why he was like this. Also a compulsive liar). I got the occasional message with the usual “I miss you” and “I love you but I just don’t know what to do”. 80% of effort was made by me. Every time we reconciled, it was by me deciding to make the drive to see him. Never the other way around. 

Give it about 10 days, and he was back- this time different. Calling me at early hours of the morning drunk, threatening to kill people, complete psychosis and dissociative behavior, to a point where I drove to him at early hours because I was genuinely worried about his wellbeing. We sort of reconciled, and a few days later I had to deal with him telling friends people were going to kill them, calling police on himself and attempting suicide (he claims differently). He was hospitalized that night. From there he was diagnosed with a form of BPD. After this he made a huge effort to get his shit together, improving leaps and bounds. We were in a great place. Or so I thought. 

I’ve literally just gotten back from an overseas trip with him and his family a week ago. Five days ago, he admits to kissing other girls while we were broken up. It hurts like a bitch because I never took him for that kind of person, especially after such a long relationship- but the crux was that it was hard for me to deal with the fact that he lied about it for two years. I took a few days to digest this- obviously I felt stupid and let down. I agreed to see him today, he was very apologetic, flirty and genuinely being very sweet, asking me for forgiveness as he felt we could be genuinely happy without his guilt now that he has confessed. Few hours later, he flipped like a switch. He couldn’t tell me if he felt love for me platonically or romantically anymore or whether he actually wanted to be together anymore. Now I’m not the kind of girl to wish to remain friends with a person I’m evidently still in love with. Knowing what I know about BPD and not knowing how to regulate emotions and the general feeling of emptiness, seeing everything in black and white, really good or absolutely shit, I could tell by all the “I don’t knows” and “I don’t feel anything at all” that he was in one of his slumps. Now I know ones judgement is severely impaired by BPD. The conversation ended with a “I can’t give you what you need anymore. We should be apart” and sent me packing once more. No remorse, no emotion, no tears, nothing. This brings me to now. Wishing me the best, hoping one day we can be friends. 

It’s a super long post, I know.  My question is for any sort of insight or advice from BPD sufferers or those in/ who were in relationships with sufferers.  
Can anyone tell me what he is/was feeling? Any explanation for why he did/does these things? Why I’m the one he lashes out at and casts aside? What he’s probably really thinking? 
 And to those in/ were in relationships with a BPD sufferer- how do you pick up the scraps of your life after being with someone who suffers from this? 

I myself am a long time sufferer of major depression and I feel like I’ve given so much of myself, given in on so many of my values and things that I prided myself on, just to keep him happy and keep our relationship in tact. I gave up so much of my own happiness to care for someone who repeatedly threw it back in my face. And the worst part is I know it’s not his fault. But he can’t see past the now and the slump, dragging me down too. 

There’s been so so so many times where I’ve questioned myself, my own sanity, wondering what I did wrong this time, what I’ve done in my life to deserve to draw a short stick like this, why it is I can’t have a simple, happy and growing relationship. Most times I feel like I’ve failed in a way, haven’t given enough, even though I forgave every stupid thing he did, even when they were so completely fucked up and wrong that I should’ve run ages ago. 

I’m left now, questioning my own self worth, trying to find whatever respect I have left in myself to pick myself up and move on. Anyone else out there got some advice on surviving the wake of this all? Most times I feel pretty worthless and disposable and it has affected parts of my life in so many aspects. I always feel like I’ve done something wrong and maybe I deserve this. The ups were great and the downs, well they’ve left me reeling. I took the brunt of it all. 

I’m scared this is going to affect me in the future. How I see people, how I trust them with my feelings. I’m terrified of being stomped on again. 

Any advice guys? 

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bpd,iamfromuruguay,2019/01/14,"30, female, BPD diagnosis at 18. Just wanted to share with all of you what changed my life and put all the mental illness on hold, and made me a productive, even sometimes charismatic member of society. Cannabis oil + escitalopram put my BPD, depression and suicidal thoughts on hold. 
And this is coming from a woman who lost her only daughter less than a year ago and is now the primary caregiver of my dad with Stage IV cancer.
The grief for my daughter has not stopped yet I choose to remember her with a smile on my face. She's in my mind every day, not in a torturous but on a peaceful way. 
Before I started cannabis oil I was prescribed 3 MG of clonazepam per day because of the grief. And I couldn't function properly on them. 
I have my days. But they are few. 
Cannabis oil changed my life for the better. I now think I am worthy, I now have no fear of abandonment because I have myself and my entourage. 
Just wanted to share my experience with you, that I'm passing well by the side effects of my father's chemo, have more willpower, clarity, so much stuff! 
If you have any enquiries feel free to PM me. Disclaimer: I don't sell cannabis oil.",4.1874763655462175,5.7093807991071435,4.825609243697479,83.93409663865548,71.36607142857143,7.949159663865548,31.033613445378148,8.4952907291091,2.3560523109243703,905,40,177,15,17,290,136,224,0.121,0.743,0.136,0.5333,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,2,3,9,12,1,1,12,0,13,6,1,2,2,36,23,11,3,4,7,4,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,12,0,4,6,0,2,4,5,7,1,0,4,5,32,6,28,18,6,26,0,5,0,0,16,9,0,1,11,118,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149116000057892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087375544108806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084883604447388,0.0,0.126223246761251,0.0,0.0,0.13119138312446746,0.0,0.0,0.3736486977792152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138402260413583,0.1277785685675767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28699388250912405,0.0,0.12776181854442514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797471236727852,0.0,0.12497971157586625,0.0,0.0,0.14510134300059846,0.0,0.16691955224889632,0.07500327896501266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954859939874684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192656975081018,0.0,0.0,0.14035937249375965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948807876394593,0.0,0.14977735446458149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904423183267513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281642340949324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29823785950150256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680360861006228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670837150303054,0.0,0.104993180773517,0.0,0.0,0.1240157701390508,0.0,0.0,0.16980954871758575,0.1622558117509765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950478971347826,0.0,0.11776243509769264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749851595871628,0.11774243267977635,0.0,0.0,0.13337212804029988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552369938360182
bpd,Krumpaspatze,2019/01/14,"Completely new here Hello,

so I'm new to this subreddit, so I thought I'd write something. Maybe it helps. I still struggle put my feelings in words. Thats so hard..

So I'm trying to stop lying to myself and blocking things out, which I successfully did my entire life. I always pretended to be okay and never talked to anybody about my struggles. I put on a show for everybody else. Well that show is definitely over.

Last summer I had several devastating panic attacks while visiting my parents (I moved out in spring to a city 1000 km away). It was as if my past hit me right in the face. That was a trip I can tell you. All the unresolved issues, past failures and all the pain I experienced in my hometown came back to me at once. It felt like my ego died and the mask I was wearing for so long shattered. Since then I've been riding the emotional rollercoaster non stop and being hypersensitive and having panic attacks became a thing. For a period I had them several times a day.

I'm seeing a therapist now and got diagnosed with BPD, social anxiety and panic disorder. That's reality. It's still not easy to wrap my head around it. I want to have a good life and get my shit together. At least now I know what I'm up against and it's not all bad. The way I perceive the world can be quite wonderful and I know it will get better.

​",2.594253731343283,4.739195111940301,4.2213970149253734,83.89076716417914,77.3582089552239,7.720835820895523,25.272238805970147,8.608573733854374,1.8909287761194031,1062,39,211,23,25,355,161,268,0.201,0.695,0.10400000000000001,-0.9824,1,0,1,0,1,0,33.0,0,1,1,3,14,16,3,5,15,1,16,8,4,0,4,37,33,20,1,2,3,1,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,16,16,0,3,7,3,0,7,3,10,1,0,11,5,29,6,29,17,4,45,0,0,1,0,10,16,1,3,22,138,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507235925323478,0.1107776340105618,0.12423350479309085,0.0,0.0,0.07821376971271768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101579927796324,0.0,0.23262685678033,0.09605839765797712,0.07861670097329618,0.08536662010129431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904234912892817,0.0,0.0,0.12876844105239507,0.0,0.0,0.11693599507613725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719731094965558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659367208859035,0.0,0.0,0.10377204432426904,0.1061095882807738,0.0,0.11717657116389732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540889176165971,0.11500689990710665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051695913105252726,0.0,0.0981669976158002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683297445216343,0.0,0.0,0.0857545541547639,0.08177113780463581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158748444254924,0.0,0.10492833934621072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852971076731304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671261057518423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237750630771942,0.08333972480981297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443110135089282,0.04994958675758932,0.0,0.0,0.0904797027526723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271441237033203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866556435029523,0.0,0.0,0.07885424413328397,0.1974891933208812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888288908276522,0.0,0.0,0.1087911937643252,0.35987190195035634,0.11352607323516127,0.0,0.19520041936424734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055600592699187,0.0,0.10874545001578256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731290322589436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147251122902513,0.0,0.0,0.23100552485202375,0.10494849399306247,0.08457447063485073,0.0,0.0,0.10422140365538092,0.0,0.07870979940144368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329893074466892,0.17095541862323124,0.0,0.21376812206098766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217711155397109,0.0893627800484287,0.0,0.0,0.11870920246224145,0.13584820685489155,0.0,0.0,0.08116760621509789,0.05961730885975222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694146477705866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060304147562312,0.08115381957439677,0.0,0.0,0.09192656690449827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087555602240956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423350479309085,0.0
bpd,goldbunny,2019/01/14,I’ve ruined everything again. This could have been something great. But then I’m just me. I poisoned the relationship until he just didn’t want anymore. I could really use someone to talk to. ,2.318333333333335,5.2425475000000015,3.279111111111113,84.37700000000002,87.88888888888891,6.213333333333335,23.86666666666667,7.554174236665415,1.6505066666666672,154,6,27,3,5,49,30,36,0.163,0.698,0.14,-0.2263,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,8,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,3,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109779962935176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007215715332217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818172355260298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457129381048299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088149792442547,0.0,0.0,0.33665771207538897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568753978768506,0.24140213835345525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25203634876085323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708245109703901,0.0,0.0,0.18495219507391364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ts7368,2019/01/14,"Looking for a buddy Hey, I'm new here. I'm looking for someone to buddy up with and have regular check-in times (once or twice a day) over the next few weeks while I try and work through a rough patch (my partner's away, and I'm injured so can't do my normal coping strategies of running etc). I need someone to keep me accountable to not being totally crazy! 

Obviously I'd be totally willing to help you out too, with whatever it is you're going through!

If this sounds like something you'd be in to, shoot me a message. I'm looking for someone who can string together coherent sentences, who understands BPD and (ideally) inattentive type ADHD. Bonus points if you're also a climber/skier/runner :)",6.290955882352942,6.453747948529411,6.917941176470588,75.74323529411767,65.83823529411765,10.03529411764706,37.588235294117645,9.827888789773867,3.7743117647058817,555,28,101,11,8,183,95,136,0.039,0.838,0.12300000000000001,0.872,1,0,1,1,0,1,22.0,0,2,0,3,4,3,0,0,6,0,10,1,0,0,3,19,21,10,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,4,7,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,8,3,18,16,4,14,0,0,3,0,8,6,0,3,7,63,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191500707471486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582576592416155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132445826465506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229664286962564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760109746726614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033692006765794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363408874923156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222581115757755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208165512204276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890873270888536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593859130017889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352107121814179,0.0,0.17611541460068225,0.19393200760697166,0.0,0.17866494112015274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419751360849535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723803252853069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463515396021803,0.1403824555827593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633014283624644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380413597228053,0.0,0.0,0.18983347972221004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627070926086055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275346046240302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,adnawahs,2019/01/14,"Is this a symptom of BPD? I’m not diagnosed with BPD, I have bipolar 2 with psychotic features. I believe I have BPD after evaluating my behavior and using Daylio to track my moods. I’m not looking for a diagnoses, I just want to know if any of you experiencing indecisiveness. To the point that everything is a sign or meaning. Like you can’t decide unless it has a meaning to it. I know this is interconnected with spirituality (clairvoyant or numerology) but I feel like I can’t trust myself enough to decide anything so I always look for a meaning. Its always been like this but it’s worst not at 21, it literally hurts my head to think. My life choices don’t show success so it’s obvious this train of thought is not good. I come from a toxic family where my parents show indecisiveness and a fear of commitment. Maybe its learned? ",3.114107142857143,5.618227906832299,5.191517857142858,75.76441964285716,77.38509316770184,8.24860248447205,28.696040372670808,9.017664075816787,2.769189130434784,667,30,123,17,16,230,94,161,0.129,0.736,0.135,-0.2189,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,4,12,0,3,8,0,11,6,1,1,2,35,26,10,0,2,11,1,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,11,2,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,4,17,6,19,24,2,5,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,5,4,84,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229361260195374,0.0,0.0,0.0910995281470594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102402487984836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093058290545866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5061656509902991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539738213287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27193953187445663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841973294102827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039743112243992,0.0,0.12628852480680314,0.1507457750720266,0.06773578809788007,0.09570329309565832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236192495195647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748482873194887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341031073174054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472452752450643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462212666530374,0.19634286857262045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499059415578446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458397875185515,0.4377753922412313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875021212189316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663846683917873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923899473904686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583817012152213,0.0,0.10635176834586964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570113994257225,0.0,0.0,0.07901493010458137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cclogs,2019/01/14,Meds question Hi I was just wondering is anyone on mood stabilizers for their bpd? I read that it can be helpful though it isn't a go-to for every doctor I think? and I just wanted to see has anyone been perscribed and benefited from it. I'm on an SARI myself but I haven't really ever found any medication particularly helpful in the longterm,2.5442016806722703,5.018724176470588,4.857394957983196,77.53970588235298,79.29411764705883,7.415126050420167,24.420168067226893,8.418075326091056,1.911434453781512,276,10,51,6,7,96,52,68,0.0,0.904,0.096,0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,11,14,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,7,1,7,10,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,1,36,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587422448254437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264431512254819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940003215019424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892826597697844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115324684747108,0.19667712267118007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559469134263849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266518627600712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31293004455691376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592911127242793,0.2351588929241525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614980542993112,0.0,0.2334958762008368,0.0,0.14954296884670615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601564404400686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957425240230054,0.22934644843789745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376846580289522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531478120794469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UnbeataBear,2019/01/14,"I know it's fucked up but I wanna be loved the way Joe loves Beck in You (Netflix)
",-1.062631578947368,0.5810935263157937,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,87.42105263157896,3.8,14.76315789473684,3.1291,-1.5297578947368424,63,1,17,0,2,21,18,19,0.10300000000000001,0.498,0.39799999999999996,0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41159156506188826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244677017611258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8036429030623106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533887731385183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DreadedLaramie,2019/01/14,"Doctors appointment for potential diagnosis tomorrow, need help figuring out what & how to say it hey everyone.
Id really appreciate some help from people who have been prescribed therapy for their BPD.
Ive been trying to figure out whats wrong with me for the last few years and since last summer I started reading up on BPD and everything just clicked. I know self diagnosis is not necessarily very reliable, but i honestly think that its at least something similar to bpd - every time I read anything about it, it feels like its taken right from inside my brain.
I have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow because I really want to get help and therapy (I need an official referral - otherwise i cant afford it). However I feel absolutely paralyzed when I think about explaining my issues to her. Im afraid that if I straight up say that I think I have BPD, she will not take me seriously since I dont have any medical training to make such an assessment. If I only describe the symptoms, I fear that it might come across as not ""bad"" enough to warrant therapy, since i have a really hard time opening up and being emotional and vulnerable in front of doctors because the last time i tried that years ago, the doctor just told me to ""be more active"" and everything would sort itself out (surprise: it didnt). Im also in an okay ish place right now emotionally (the last really bad suicidal episode was end of november), but when Im in a bad place I just cant find the energy to do anything about it. So I worry that she'll just see me how I am today and not think its urgent or anything. I just want to be prepared for the next time i have a breakdown and get some guidance and coping mechanisms.

tldr: Ive been waiting for this assessment for ages and I really want it to be productive - any advice on how to present myself ""properly""? should I straight up say i think i have BPD or would it be better to stick with just the symptoms and let the doctor ""figure it out""?

thanks everyone!!",6.692535010681226,6.740617851174939,7.528527177783051,72.09427664372184,65.00522193211489,11.663375267030618,34.641466888203176,11.299434782280676,4.068358746736294,1579,66,290,45,22,530,187,383,0.091,0.7879999999999999,0.121,0.7258,2,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,1,1,18,13,0,2,17,1,32,9,1,4,0,66,57,25,1,10,16,0,3,1,0,6,8,3,0,1,24,20,0,1,13,2,0,2,8,7,0,0,7,8,40,6,45,38,6,47,0,0,2,0,15,22,0,8,24,197,64,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647014272642967,0.058692786219655776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052949571042347744,0.0,0.07174048270777689,0.0,0.0900526204689586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346006649059452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585231995334992,0.08072422565885913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058558976919447836,0.0,0.0,0.4169573669422281,0.07391429218742047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057035622838504024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388530330881803,0.0,0.0,0.07759976359863212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895877832657406,0.0586440225905896,0.06841451283826097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557863166868728,0.1265364689087501,0.1190138345481281,0.0,0.0,0.07450670901360974,0.06695737444322966,0.047301739680037036,0.0,0.0,0.060516406820459674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691858895955033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059312788204819764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331411680936236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214560392987084,0.06910794098509841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036388286408262624,0.21588589212942524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770607514758954,0.0,0.03234775229719916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419690608831681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670144597515769,0.0,0.07024028098251599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819045578076684,0.0,0.0,0.07041702506476658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050357075116003285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590294131835628,0.0,0.13835452542351426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245948199675855,0.0,0.212084946766408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130890703703937,0.0,0.1579628979236498,0.0,0.0,0.0527622505679059,0.0,0.06907337179572809,0.0,0.0,0.16431331294330803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097309626917551,0.0,0.0,0.046865069207957216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242498789998393,0.0,0.0,0.13763887259079555,0.049783050837244214,0.0,0.0,0.060958950907128814,0.2271569705301339,0.0,0.0,0.21212931375520105,0.0,0.0,0.15443458613421812,0.0,0.06276106639021974,0.06326823445437504,0.0,0.08990696330592153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463168835250879,0.11716034632917315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724132039573166,0.0,0.09406995889544477,0.0723922344960418,0.0,0.08527648652286167
bpd,valeforic,2019/01/14,"does anyone ever feel like they're too much for their partner... basically, i feel like my mood swings and anxiety are too much for my girlfriend and drag her down. i dont split on her anymore, i havent done it in ages because ive been working really hard. sometimes i still get sad for silly reasons though, but im working on it... she even told me to ""try not to do the mental breakdown thing at night because it makes it hard for her to sleep"", so ill try to control that but i cant really control when it happens...

im just so scared of losing her because of my mental illness",3.8975840336134446,4.543686857142858,4.986039915966387,85.80914390756303,71.18487394957984,7.294537815126048,29.160714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.5323521008403356,452,17,94,4,8,149,76,119,0.205,0.759,0.036000000000000004,-0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,5,10,7,0,1,1,0,8,3,1,4,1,13,14,8,0,0,4,0,4,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,4,16,3,15,11,2,10,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,7,63,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903035182187394,0.0,0.14134535759092867,0.0996559867271041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606436403600581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197052239034352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472357778476048,0.14585137732831954,0.1670368856465473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941356558813469,0.12892097803995184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412867745210442,0.20363812762842934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446282690043171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260333660213195,0.0,0.2553467423429367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30790042104624443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392599036599472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944772710117108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513577369113918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28726102890987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954285112195534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374897431801427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260885011767752,0.14653825064728065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269123298749814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426267746727703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095972767902196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381972724639072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468651007465216,0.0,0.1400289547238721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618764224947555,0.0,0.19352867137889396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075181141766676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThrowAway816729,2019/01/14,"A genuine question Disclaimer: I don't have BPD, I'm involved with someone who does though. I have not come here for a fight, but merely to ask questions and try and understand.

My person with BPD and I went through a series of very intimate encounters. Not sex. Just very real and raw moments. The things we used to do together, places we used to visit and conversations we had - there was a lot of sharing, and intimacy. I know it was real, at least most of it. There is just no way all of this was in my head, that would just not be possible, considering the conversations and physical closeness we shared. Plus when I read old messages, there is a language of affection and closeness, if anything more so from their side than mine!

My pwbpd has gone quiet on me a few times. Just disappeared for no reason. Once it even happened halfway through a message exchange. They'd stop responding and I wouldn't hear from them for weeks. I'd try to desperately get in touch, but no response. When I'd stop, they'd come back again.

And every time they came back we kind of moved forward from where we'd left off. I never made an issue or confronted the disappearance (I knew what it meant and I wanted them to know they were safe with me. There's no need to hide or disappear).

Anyway, in the more recent experiences we shared, we got really close again. Kind of on another level than before. And then they disappeared on me again. It's been over a month.

We never fought and I never confrtoned any behaviour. Because I didn't want there to be any reason for a blow up really. My standard response was always empathy, love and affection.

I think our involvement is over, because my pwbpd is just not communicating with me. And I decided to respond in mutual silence. The long silences have been really hard for me, they cut so deep. For me, anyway. And so I'm protecting myself from a potential future cycle. 

So a few things I'd really like to understand from others with BPD:

Those raw and real moments. Do you find they are real for you too?

When you isolate from your FP, what is going through your mind? Does it come easy because you are not thinking of them, or is it hard on a daily basis to resist contacting them again?

Do you ever forget about those moments of extreme closeness and intimacy?

Do you think that your FP has forgotten about you and moved on? Or are you aware they are hurting because you effectively ghosted them? 

What is the silence intended to achieve? 

I know that people here are not my pwbpd and everyone is different. But I am interested in the range of responses. I am hurting at the moment so I am trying to understand what's going on. Please take my post at face value. It is not meant to offend, and if it has achieved that in any way then I do apologise. 

Thank you. 
",3.1745661398887925,5.5396449216417905,4.293525021949081,82.9992654375183,76.4626865671642,7.636757389522972,26.18144571261341,8.554587454381133,2.0558772753877674,2202,84,413,46,51,717,239,536,0.09300000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.109,0.9607,1,0,0,0,1,0,69.0,10,13,14,3,35,17,5,0,21,0,45,4,2,9,5,111,82,42,1,7,21,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,24,43,0,4,19,1,1,16,17,7,0,0,18,6,70,10,68,57,8,77,0,2,0,2,59,30,0,10,31,312,94,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375900679039957,0.0,0.0,0.15632501212176422,0.08034908802729153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305670505014402,0.0,0.07163500715744714,0.0,0.0,0.11784139561180933,0.0,0.18684210022873707,0.0,0.06520311946260632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28952345907122495,0.0,0.0,0.08763978064729727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801965528976292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005790670425161,0.0,0.0,0.13411193453150158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050610779224221886,0.0693126435022126,0.0645607467196364,0.07321946854700027,0.0,0.07495497417958248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003481579628172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400339452398287,0.0,0.08709669303021317,0.0,0.06128484711497208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776015743312505,0.0,0.13728376863525318,0.0,0.07864042750907975,0.0,0.0863631203256308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405952931929985,0.0,0.0,0.0799776816113834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958846607970795,0.1263350091144253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325442074701128,0.0,0.0,0.03743561444881045,0.0,0.0,0.06781163744417505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514472222914341,0.06915799617139083,0.07250541534332157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737046056515531,0.0,0.06116217707192305,0.16288271575187635,0.0,0.056817240520912964,0.1772961863740028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040614303524732,0.08160423579792021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053122850622580826,0.06690690580452635,0.08005790670425161,0.08411238567636327,0.0,0.0863843510616417,0.07338656852455193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167741140408108,0.0,0.07664677985291042,0.3488688534864886,0.1963544230114853,0.15756867006400244,0.07565897397546903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492499821459248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812560733631875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057613248676631236,0.0,0.0,0.07054696605800427,0.0,0.0,0.10181387726114212,0.14729662444678804,0.0752846989398068,0.0,0.08936252465032599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607216153664175,0.0,0.0,0.23931124174156146,0.0,0.13236059850809356,0.0,0.1264490220564209,0.09039205184070427,0.12164437377147455,0.0614647902903435,0.0,0.0,0.07103311024643649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054432942976539264,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anon1551551,2019/01/14,"I'm close to having a meltdown and would love to hear some kind words I'm overthinking (I hope) about me and this guy. We could potentially be entering a relationship. Hes gone to sleep now. My mind is telling me that this is a cruel joke, that he actually hates me and ughh. 

I dont have anyone to talk to... In the past, my coping skills were unhealthy. How do I cope with this in a healthy way I want to send him texts about how I'm feeling but I also dont want to scare him away. I havent started crying yet, but I can feel it building up. I want to delete everything that I have him on because I'm so damn insecure.  I hate feeling like this. I hate having BPD. ",1.6147872340425522,3.1154800709219863,3.3868262411347523,91.70875,78.07801418439715,6.68581560283688,23.09751773049645,7.492282038375204,0.7390326241134759,514,16,120,7,12,172,85,141,0.17300000000000001,0.66,0.16699999999999998,-0.8390000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,8,12,5,2,5,0,16,2,1,2,0,22,34,9,0,6,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,4,21,5,16,29,1,14,0,0,0,1,13,6,1,2,5,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.15186645652680308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445235951366042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881583437228766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462137567960698,0.0,0.0,0.09486687196316844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960028272601568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425300385440942,0.0,0.1709455231387734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647800534523016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986470742545795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360643270264192,0.11117772998714986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409210699332074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609390837028966,0.0,0.0,0.17539942161303554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456962588818968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620583215436749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602996623202417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045662642388873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571357540335988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485606013595872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708180503601328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580665131201907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557362683322333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015138228478956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250845787136447,0.1360221293212105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753729870718272,0.12352699115981546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055073831030662,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ms_fire_and_ice,2019/01/14,"I might be pregnant at 18 So I had unprotected sex a few days ago. He didn’t cum inside me but I’m still scared. I’m supposed to get my period the day after I had sex but I didn’t get my period. I still don’t have it. I tried getting emergency contraceptive pills from my psychiatrist but she said they only work if you take it up until twelve hours after sexual contact. And it’s been three days.

I know I’m not even sure yet if I’ll get pregnant, but I’m sure that I can’t have this baby. I’m in university and I have a future ahead of me. Also the baby daddy doesn’t even love me. I don’t want to have a child who was made out of unrequited love. (That’s what I get for getting attached too easily and not being able to resist him.)

BUT abortion is illegal here. What do I do??? My parents can’t know. I’m thinking about just killing myself. I don’t know anymore. I’m so scared.",-0.5096291448516581,1.6304154607329868,2.4645353403141392,91.56776287085518,90.72774869109949,5.4869982547993015,17.905977312390927,6.996647511020387,0.1894553228621292,687,19,156,11,24,242,106,191,0.154,0.7609999999999999,0.085,-0.9226,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,1,2,12,7,1,2,5,0,22,5,0,1,2,23,45,14,1,3,10,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,8,1,25,4,16,34,1,19,0,0,0,4,12,4,0,3,15,102,34,1,0.15065392055480173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354561063441558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204778858379126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940820727430518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914779464098876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901098735096465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722627328717197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836376482516597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667624185855834,0.0,0.2483863643895659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719420904449495,0.14255238228836073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982000206699407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145790953075874,0.0,0.0,0.16728335008663156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330637784828726,0.0,0.3016617125285837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062483112533464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839790744139719,0.0,0.11327299914546335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653294915282352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228412287364147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885958565171011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096778484434296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,proflayton9999,2019/01/14,does anyone else just wishes their partner to drop dead sometimes? is this normal or splitting?,5.53125,9.165059625000003,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,77.75,3.2,26.75,3.1291,0.8507249999999997,78,3,10,0,2,22,16,16,0.316,0.609,0.075,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793998762889182,0.40942315738734897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349680469260715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338028940595816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915095158792154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39520084812452894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595042690524658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SomeBeing379,2019/01/14,"My sexual responses are ruining my relationship. Okay so for a background. I am 17, I have BPD, severe depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I spent over 6 months of my life in hospital and have had several suicide attempts. 
Within about the last 9 months I have been doing much better. I took DBT and have successfully spent the last year out of hospital. I have had many hookups and what not. 
But mid November I met a boy on Tinder. 
We started talking and we got along incredible well. 
We went on a date Friday night and by Sunday we were officially dating. 
This boy, Zach, is like no one I have ever met. He is incredible sweet, understanding, kind, intelligent and everything I have ever wanted. 
We had sexual after about 2 weeks. And since then I have been a ball of sexual frustration. 
Every single time we hang out I feel the need to grind him and grab his dick and be overly sexual. 
He was raised in a Christian household and has more respect for women than any other 19 year old out there. So following these ways he says he was raised to not put much value on sex. 
He rarely wants to have sex and is obviously irritated by my constant sexual advances. 
When he is in the mood it is incredible. We have had the most amazing sex. But I don’t know how to control my advances. 
Everything I read tells me that BPD makes you sexual to feel validated and to help handle emotions. That makes more sense than any other way you describe my actions. 
I love zach more than anything and I can actually see us being a long term relationship (he does too), but I need to find my damn validation some other way. 
Has anyone experienced anything similar? Or does anyone have any ways I can stop my sexual tendencies? ",3.9409559681697597,6.23638259692308,5.518535809018567,75.45815384615386,73.8,9.282758620689657,26.89920424403183,9.753983421225431,2.9010700265251983,1364,51,244,39,29,461,182,325,0.08900000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.079,-0.5081,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,8,2,0,6,11,15,2,0,11,1,35,6,1,4,3,51,56,23,1,4,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,9,25,0,2,5,2,2,8,4,4,1,1,16,7,38,10,33,38,9,48,1,2,1,5,31,13,2,3,24,166,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0996112959945106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824521620189,0.0,0.0780877388109002,0.0,0.0,0.1427476025245186,0.0,0.16799943909062856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902777860740168,0.0,0.0,0.2571218962829567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030772078777837,0.11448673513150705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791777209969702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23397551396414695,0.0,0.17865451230550705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482158185679707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466688389443245,0.08600329836094316,0.0,0.18347836762865435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322522427908434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329546922277658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163937468571172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684192844155208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629628032976132,0.05609821258462247,0.16641086825055046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720991850916074,0.04986909976038165,0.0,0.0,0.09033390696024368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212743162036628,0.0,0.13627283271915802,0.10348888112487624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295192451736434,0.0,0.150074975955639,0.15137588509580568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579126177482962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711142390504234,0.0,0.06916923146319309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261441353089866,0.0,0.0,0.10210346396273076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918250438406775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117480562088954,0.0,0.0,0.08134122930640149,0.0,0.0,0.2306332907207595,0.0,0.08443819032456783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224980549301316,0.0,0.0,0.08533997355447973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116544022454833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204469426330804,0.08921878402573619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952124363713065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341001497555693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062645501608247,0.12278466820423757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041395118420205,0.3240922047209287,0.08187908236236995,0.0,0.09177843968635607,0.09462532706691798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146698956241382
bpd,BoooksOnBooksOnBooks,2019/01/14,"34/M Just got diagnosed after a lifetime of anxiety, loneliness, desperation and anger, now what? I can't believe there are other people like me. I just read the great book, ""Walking on Eggshells"" and it was like reading a book written about myself. 

​

I hate myself everyday, my wife finds me too needy and recently left with our two kids to live at her parents, I am making it worse begging her daily to to please come home. 

​

Fuck guys, anyone ever ""get better""? In the past anti-depressents have not helped more than superficially. I feel basically the same today as I did at 14, I've had 20+ years of feeling like shit about myself, about everything. I'm ""happy"" to learn what is wrong with me, but now what, can we get better?",5.261702127659575,6.621037049645393,5.7260212765957474,79.12350000000002,68.57446808510639,8.193191489361702,28.993617021276588,8.548686976883017,2.191030638297872,588,21,106,9,10,189,105,141,0.14300000000000002,0.757,0.1,-0.6474,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,0,2,10,12,4,0,5,0,9,3,1,1,1,18,20,5,0,0,4,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,7,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,5,0,1,5,2,17,7,18,15,2,16,0,0,0,1,9,5,2,0,12,70,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29022653286575434,0.3254795941789313,0.0,0.0,0.10245620160075973,0.0,0.0,0.09364707804956733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089342092916336,0.0,0.2369006758530596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536896910552455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535384581117908,0.1359362875982372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114749238091012,0.0,0.0,0.12036778698806205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543822052054605,0.09567972912710446,0.0,0.0,0.12240973485317495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381626970287328,0.139945955913948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071161792969174,0.14765846813856678,0.0,0.13261190941252182,0.0,0.14257113987412612,0.0,0.13222829991188084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977055942715811,0.0,0.13434286494929934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551550472611344,0.0,0.0,0.1962945252290304,0.0,0.11826278012753436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939941810577641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871358699429887,0.0,0.12785148697214774,0.09285030574322124,0.0,0.0,0.14701509115782185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26793279578076823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322398701031799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747737895442394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695012641318865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083030012269428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648626939699793,0.0,0.14643159922530954,0.3254795941789313,0.08624662841800353
bpd,coralinehop,2019/01/14,"Where is the free DBT pdf? I remember a while ago someone posting a link to a free pdf version of The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, it's a green book. I thought I saved it, but I can't find it. If anyone has the link could you post it?",2.823076923076921,4.085766692307693,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,74.38461538461539,8.276923076923078,30.30769230769231,8.841846274778883,2.3278307692307694,196,9,43,4,4,66,38,52,0.0,0.856,0.14400000000000002,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,5,2,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27546096473618226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728349855170964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24810844431590195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28401970461488296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5952248543259454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520189675683594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632973129917102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553694998371255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467006449828996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brbby,2019/01/14,"How do you commit to recovery? Since I was very young I've exhibited BPD symptoms, most women in my family (my grandmothers and mother) also suffered from BPD. When it began to get really bad ( recklessness, extreme mood swings with suicidal thoughts/gestures/attempts that would occur many times, dillusions, splitting on people, etc) I received a diagnosis and was in the process of treatment when my family's insurance changed, and I could no longer go to sessions without paying with money that we don't have. 

It's becoming bad again, and over the past four months I've made attempts at suicide, have been splitting on my boyfriend and friends regularly, and have started being unable to attach myself with charitable things I've done in the past, and I've felt like I can't even recognize myself. I'm trying to get back into the swing or DBT, but I don't feel like I can commit to it much. How have others learned to handle recovery? 
",9.910476878612721,8.457631919075148,9.350108381502894,66.5434284682081,59.289017341040456,12.34942196531792,40.70014450867053,11.20814326018867,4.660526589595376,754,33,124,16,8,242,112,173,0.085,0.8370000000000001,0.078,-0.2624,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,5,0,16,1,0,3,2,26,25,14,2,2,3,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,12,0,0,3,0,3,2,5,3,0,1,7,2,14,4,21,15,3,21,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,13,85,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292510599485852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819665061817762,0.25668969686211285,0.0,0.16976514089119488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871950425110597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626091304292027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272819678687025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573028872701381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143184807449802,0.10152670983607387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898159365549263,0.0,0.07772246487123281,0.10981337996599462,0.1475896364993924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875912825960905,0.0,0.16061854032913675,0.0,0.08735926235974686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019388454151775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544799305485506,0.0,0.1558419656429102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226931238701783,0.0,0.11299754617366987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934749930037716,0.10656599885430396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098473185138078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715388757206014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879962738956096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362765415856378,0.0,0.0,0.1597678004672102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021208143050137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963192475458408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436178024197104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683022636839206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817490198890115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919408260084187,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,asterisk_walcott,2019/01/14,BPD podcasts? I love podcasts and find they are a really good way for me to learn about/understand things. Any specific BPD podcasts out there or even mental health podcasts that touch on the disorder?,5.895833333333336,8.35624802777778,5.151111111111113,79.50500000000002,68.72222222222223,9.244444444444444,31.44444444444445,9.725611199111238,3.3508444444444443,163,7,27,4,3,49,32,36,0.067,0.742,0.192,0.723,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720548011628253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6373119759449896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28997024229149465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671100632828316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23124564922953975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122119515775472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689367437602317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283505074188596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25497357122749803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208404888384564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808794226227894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633912996712358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008267735702311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alixxyz,2019/01/14,"my ex broke up with me over a month ago and ever since I've had the most intense anxiety and can't sleep?? I spent 3 weeks crying my eyes out, dying my hair, shaved my sides and then suddenly I was okay-ish but every time I'm reminded of him or think about him I get the most intense heart palpitations  breathlessness, headaches and I don't know why but it's particularly bad when I try to sleep so I've been sleeping maybe 3 hours max a night. I've deleted all social media for the moment so I'm not tempted to stalk or faced with his posts or that and went to my GP who gave me propranolol 2 weeks ago and I've still hardly slept and it's definitely not any better.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here I've just never experienced this much anxiety over a person before ",2.769948405253281,4.190126079268296,4.367804878048784,86.21696998123831,74.79268292682926,7.729080675422139,22.9812382739212,8.384062270229773,1.1848410881801126,623,17,135,11,13,209,106,164,0.109,0.847,0.044000000000000004,-0.8699,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,6,0,6,8,8,0,3,26,18,16,1,0,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,7,5,16,1,13,11,4,22,0,1,2,0,8,5,0,5,15,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806334162974661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764429564718657,0.0,0.2421865854963501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216758579490145,0.0,0.0,0.134695218121933,0.0,0.0,0.13999681056447805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387682601660168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642825743378378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431845855242019,0.13336821816482913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827012730495625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179894545943605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757731813040174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558861799345067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398678416363111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292579296374316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902604429249176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263475252321258,0.0,0.11636316580750294,0.0,0.1220848976381097,0.0,0.0,0.14854674346387045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821486372860833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160041323335155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140619825676483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309411522961365,0.0,0.4752203076642588,0.16135922088683893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641255688582936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142741186824557,0.0,0.0,0.09230160189348967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747018452593944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539453143717967,0.0,0.0,0.1467386891513707,0.1428343173897094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OWLONGCANAREDDITNAM,2019/01/14,"Do all you lovely people all find it hard to tell when there's a genuine problem and when you're just splitting for no real reason? I find I'm so unsure of myself now, I can't tell when I'm just being a disordered idiot or when someone is actually doing something to push me away.

Recently-ishh my best friend has been doing a lot of things with a long distance friend online who they've said now is like they're other best friend-o. It always seems to they want to do anything with me? Or when they do they won't be able to spend time with me as long or will be more absent?

But then I find myself thinking what if that's all just total BS and it's just me picking up on the bad and even if they are that doesn't mean they're leaving you, they just want to play this particular game with that friend or they just happened to ask you to do something first. But then I'll just throw myself background and think ""well they never ask /me/ to do things with them anymore"". 

Good job me, ten out of ten.",4.389274935590727,4.555979727272732,4.85129186602871,88.91596613912405,69.9090909090909,7.196319470003681,24.689363268310643,6.297961479604792,0.5936835480309162,789,18,173,4,13,251,116,209,0.07200000000000001,0.77,0.159,0.9591,1,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,8,3,19,13,1,0,5,0,19,1,0,2,5,44,32,21,0,5,15,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,12,10,0,0,8,2,1,2,5,3,1,3,2,2,24,10,23,25,8,20,0,0,0,1,22,4,0,8,15,128,36,2,0.1270133131846076,0.0,0.12394667177748107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568525139397103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259630771837703,0.0,0.0,0.10452113451527917,0.0,0.237480604581302,0.0,0.11933318875953627,0.0,0.10605081115951134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665852721770865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455682608269635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838910954673473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482636016316512,0.10803745931004613,0.0,0.0,0.39252068278512736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653274099342104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231745338124008,0.0,0.11377898065621328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604111485998887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344887593878471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205228913173778,0.0,0.0,0.22480557058500394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079821768304915,0.11463447407993915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835473328671175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796049725035456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805503889463333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153458719504087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456895715711526,0.0,0.1305908399912154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081874659461744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562815003683755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761796808753778,0.1955621075971113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203046812348076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876400300763345,0.1627700050317819,0.0,0.0,0.07406248433195244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983148583550612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420022223866068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Jhinthepredator,2019/01/09,Dae feel ugly? When i look myself on the mirror i feel ugly. If i feel ugly i get angry. If i get angry i break things.,-2.529444444444444,-0.8023736666666643,1.9017592592592607,93.4504166666667,100.48148148148148,2.7,6.75,3.1291,-2.1686222222222242,89,0,20,0,4,34,15,27,0.508,0.4920000000000001,0.0,-0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,13,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7119625155072332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904389835435162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941413982151448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118197205861525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pastelwookie,2019/01/09,"Tips for dealing with feeling ignored? This is my first post here and I can't see the sidebar on mobile so if I'm breaking any rules please let me know...

Basically I made a plan with my partner and he was supposed to meet me here half an hour ago and he's not answering my texts. I'm trying really hard not to have a meltdown because I know logically we didn't set a firm time and hes probably showering or eating lunch before we go out and not texting me back because he's bad at checking his phone but I can't help feeling anxious and upset like maybe I did or said something that pissed him off or he's just ghosting me suddenly or something awful has happened... None of those possibilities actually hold up to any scrutiny but I feel so awful not knowing what's going on and I guess I've made progress considering I'm not splitting or lashing out but does anyone have any tips for calming down because I'm feeling abandoned and upset but I want to be collected and okay when he does finally get here so that we can still have a good time because he's never done this before and I know there's probably a good reason sorry this turned more into a vent post",3.7460216572504734,5.187882199152544,5.073333333333334,82.04162900188327,72.34745762711864,7.617325800376648,30.060263653484,8.167268648758528,2.1554404896421846,933,40,181,14,18,311,137,236,0.138,0.7390000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.77,1,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,3,0,0,3,11,11,1,2,8,3,15,3,1,3,1,53,38,24,1,2,16,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,7,18,2,3,11,0,1,2,10,6,0,2,7,7,22,5,18,29,2,26,0,1,1,0,18,9,1,7,12,110,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.11553322245761186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494710003494168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415312505372111,0.0,0.0,0.1337489238391245,0.0,0.08278223043431142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103591057137002,0.09885212552942506,0.2886819294540957,0.0,0.20148523603457166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205664568630832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721075162384955,0.1211558153572608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114426715714274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944960620790526,0.0,0.0,0.12969232205469872,0.0,0.10070392081710164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061854777597473376,0.0,0.13456946460274213,0.1986026843271513,0.0,0.0,0.13042180680281004,0.0,0.10469339064354642,0.0,0.10605571004563966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935546192677377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165919777872106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602599317399005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121063536068897,0.0,0.05784020515800255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405018110539726,0.0,0.0,0.1189403770849216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131097881516258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995853588839593,0.0,0.13346885476338266,0.2267730470996329,0.0,0.2552925566513285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584475557490422,0.12172638725401118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261761955516902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943428578717617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822874318227672,0.0,0.1325298169600309,0.0,0.0,0.0945477657522261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807030645322174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803801938844105,0.12877617420117746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983049296904582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SlurpinNoodles,2019/01/09,"I see two different people when I look in the mirror This is really odd, and is something I've noticed manifesting over the past couple of years.

Everytime I look in the mirror, I see one of two versions of myself: either I look exceptionally good or I look like a complete, unattractive mess.

I think this has to do with my confidence level at the time. Only when I feel good about myself do I see a dashing, young man with loads of potential. On the opposite spectrum, I see a lost, younger ""me"" who is physically an eyesore.

For some clarity, I'll be wearing the exact same clothes and have the exact same hairstyle but still see two different men the two different times I look in the mirror.

Was wondering if anyone else experienced something like this",6.426635367762129,7.251201507042258,7.099953051643193,72.26140062597811,65.61971830985915,10.254773082942098,34.087636932707355,10.25414643259724,3.6506500782472617,602,26,104,14,9,199,86,142,0.052000000000000005,0.851,0.09699999999999999,0.7224,3,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,13,0,9,1,1,0,2,17,23,7,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,12,15,4,16,20,5,15,0,1,10,0,3,7,0,4,10,74,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872917172586606,0.11536707350995115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805390986737928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458443124940274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529140128017699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405882965328362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056931508935943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887899924389515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001664054357957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727579903246173,0.0,0.12291094576058703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819036505847878,0.0,0.0,0.07629741173518559,0.08563371236682588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748484504673826,0.07805932462503573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213135904692948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44861892579644425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336254952480018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991866064916668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214644852521288,0.0,0.0,0.13131031635616816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399565423644858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221046757722532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250760793523052
bpd,muckduckgoose713,2019/01/09,"Therapist asked me to write a poem about myself. I tend to write to get my mind off crazy thoughts, but never realized my writing this whole time has shown signs of my BPD. Was wanting to share it to see if it was relatable in that sense to others. 



So many questions come to mind when I start to think about my life,
Who have I become? Why do I feel emotionally numb? Why do I feel stuck?
I pass it off as being caught in a rut, but deep down I know my strife,
I create hidden monsters that foster these thoughts I blame on bad luck.

I try to write and describe these beings so anybody can understand,
How they have learned to attach like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I’m always surprised as they reprise actions I feel are out of my hands,
But what I can’t see I’ve came to realize is what everyone sees showing.

I just feel so lost. 

I can’t catch a break when I hear my mistakes again and again,
Some days I have it all and others I barely can call myself a friend.
It’s not easy walking in these shoes with many holes in the sole,
As I contemplate the bad in life, seeing good seems like an unreachable goal.

Cycle through it all, only pay attention to the ending cost,
Went to find myself but realized now my mind is lost.
I wish I knew the differences in real emotions and ones made in my head,
But the only difference is my indifference to change how the monsters are fed.",4.590063948840927,5.1260594532374135,5.034772182254198,86.47399680255795,69.57553956834532,8.19216626698641,27.314948041566748,8.167268648758528,1.5395053557154283,1080,33,228,14,18,344,159,278,0.128,0.77,0.102,-0.7699,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,3,13,13,0,0,12,0,19,7,3,3,3,54,51,20,0,4,8,0,5,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,17,8,1,0,18,1,2,8,4,6,0,1,13,10,36,7,36,36,4,33,0,2,4,0,13,14,0,5,12,148,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904949910791526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167362479436118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816160170550412,0.0,0.1201141654704159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369763225870545,0.0,0.11105361480622618,0.12438965986293014,0.0,0.0,0.11505106346827608,0.0936849962644139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013962020962203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22725697647184065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467520290943096,0.09632690525508937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392249638962044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996433325013773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940242719823728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402581064648287,0.0,0.056821329247667814,0.0,0.0,0.09122067004315494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161661926902046,0.0,0.12257765917101048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977030330464121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363734288119266,0.10626688733481973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374434187559581,0.0,0.0,0.10290902015230437,0.0,0.220526163972197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294423560415901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838805245562003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369692818051138,0.1654300298424975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183334242154187,0.0,0.0,0.12378989798194175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466627347159857,0.09900878569211084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697915118961343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627589398169164,0.0,0.06968744436437523,0.0,0.1726826871813164,0.06341739997320248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383923504534642,0.0,0.0,0.11322044145457855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414801874064427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081933520714197,0.1962735391365175,0.12142391671907192,0.12506581113436407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lostpolarbear22,2019/01/09,"Has anyone read Dale Carnegie’s “Stop Worrying and Start Living?” If so, what do you think of it?

I started reading it recently and I honestly think it has some pretty good tips on how to control being worried/obsessive",3.798658536585368,6.409557097560973,4.812378048780489,78.81661585365855,75.58536585365854,8.002439024390245,32.201219512195124,8.841846274778883,3.2607512195121964,175,9,29,4,4,57,35,41,0.1,0.695,0.205,0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,20,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828776917305384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933439088900895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937075318391253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309482014581617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660843413012301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5232296858783094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25824321167196856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702444713009636,0.0,0.0,0.21866254984293407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351737528444549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656106940653928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,teallfouryou,2019/01/09,"Next steps? Not sure if this is the right place to post this. I do not have BPD however I have a long time friend who is diagnosed BPD and I need help and/or advice.

Details that might be relevant:
- I do not have BPD, however I do have generalized anxiety which I am on medication for and I also see a therapist.

-my friend is diagnosed BPD. She has a strained relationship with her family. Her mom has been emotionally/mentally/verbally abusive throughout her life.

- my friend was previously married and her husband was also verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive.

- when she was married, my friend was going to a therapist however, at this time she is not on medication and not seeing a therapist and has not been for approximately 4 years time.

Here is where I need help. I understand the symptoms and side effects of BPD, especially the strong fear of abandonment. That being said, our friendship is quite on the rocks. When our relationship *is* on the rocks, I know it is because she is spiraling.

She starts disagreements with me if I don't do or say or act how she wants me to. I get accused of not caring about her, she convinces herself that I hate her or that I'm ignoring her. When I try to tell her that I don't feel that way, and I am here to support her, and I care about her it seems to make her angrier.

When things escalate and get really bad, she says very vitriolic things to me. I have been told she hates me, she hates my husband, she doesn't give a f**k about our marriage or me, she wishes she never met me, she resents me, there is nothing I can say or do that will ever take away the resentment she has for me.

While we have had arguments throughout our friendship, there have been four solid where it feels like it's moved from being an argument to being abuse. We were able to work it out in the past and I have forgiven her for the things she said, but this last time, I just feel exhausted. I don't feel hurt by the things she said, but just.....tired.

I have tried to be supportive. I have tried to communicate as many ways as possible that I am here for her and I care about her but it feels like it's failing on deaf ears. It's almost like she won't let herself believe anything else other than that she thinks I hate her if I've acted differently than she expected. 

I truly believe this is happening because she is not managing her symptoms - refusing to see a therapist and refusing to take medicine. At this point, I see it as more than just arguments rather, a pattern of behavior.

What are some next steps? Is there any other way I can help? Is it possible things will just be like this until she takes steps to manage her symptoms?

Is it wrong of me to want to walk away? At what point to I draw the line between trying to be supportive but also practicing self-care and cutting off a relationship that is beginning to feel abusive? I don't know what to do.",3.5853723404255327,5.471923955673763,4.676879432624116,82.90500000000002,73.62765957446808,8.77163120567376,27.78014184397163,9.364869023877402,2.4729248226950364,2277,89,453,56,47,745,224,564,0.136,0.759,0.105,-0.9605,4,0,0,0,1,0,74.0,6,0,0,5,25,33,7,2,20,0,69,11,1,3,3,73,116,38,0,10,24,3,6,4,4,4,10,8,0,0,40,18,0,4,12,2,0,8,15,16,0,1,15,18,92,17,59,89,2,52,0,3,4,0,74,20,0,12,24,339,132,4,0.056733152211548676,0.2688780331879307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055438979736296516,0.0,0.0,0.05681005685300807,0.0,0.0,0.13610844397935642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0385804889665386,0.0,0.043400706156368464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668655029225476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660532808783854,0.0,0.04736981235129214,0.06916800602015848,0.0,0.0,0.12783766956723244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357267095861506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352968923818668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516591054249935,0.0,0.05927406902514875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047393268833660886,0.06381716016446667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051318384209607264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053482966783803015,0.06384056899318158,0.17211591839190524,0.08106035055150038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532757066389446,0.0,0.05928146091205781,0.054423609182161034,0.03224275781782888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016893913656003,0.0,0.0,0.22404896923249387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408110813163345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073401282542627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062358113510717586,0.04624509112536963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058013491924971176,0.04007230320565612,0.1108678098734153,0.0,0.0,0.05020705441903508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03786981964135548,0.05751851172216471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430536444561508,0.0,0.06018490903075145,0.0,0.06644518219102102,0.0,0.060298362360052024,0.0,0.0841338270034038,0.04375610447343933,0.0,0.12067270200112218,0.0,0.0,0.054436989648557484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415821327590392,0.0,0.0,0.05927406902514875,0.0,0.10726233323055928,0.12791620961152378,0.054334677326906534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060342690798722814,0.0,0.0,0.036344710042106126,0.0,0.0,0.18273052105707796,0.0,0.04844980200398535,0.16189865854294466,0.13534943922185036,0.0,0.0,0.18083590818650425,0.05164773102521252,0.05918505079739018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015601713926606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931403264341841,0.05347032455010702,0.17690240365142182,0.12796880980552827,0.0,0.04958727564779947,0.0,0.0,0.2634862496997308,0.1884549270938677,0.036352313152877125,0.0,0.0,0.13232622916191436,0.0,0.0,0.05421095818396058,0.0,0.15407234515889526,0.0,0.0,0.05906121225429632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046810792150881984,0.06692536615932014,0.13509640654397334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524032517684293,0.0,0.0,0.04130241049858915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062028795823889364,0.0,0.03653428995477725
bpd,razda001,2019/01/09,"How do I stop depending on affirmation and reassurance in my relationship? My Bpd has gotten better in some aspects, however I am still struggling with depending on my boyfriend reassuring me in order to trust him. He has done something before that sorta messed up my trust but it was a while ago and I know in order to have a healthy relationship I need to sorta stop depending on reassurance entirely. This question is for anyone in a healthy relationship who has started to trust again. I know I have to begin to trust him, and since the incident he has genuinely done a lot to build trust with me but it’s like it doesn’t do anything if he isn’t also reassuring me 30 times a day. I know he gets tired of it. I would get tired of it. I don’t know what to do. ",4.226130382775121,5.461365572368422,5.791196172248808,78.15428229665073,70.90789473684211,9.47464114832536,29.607655502392344,9.800150414767053,2.789742105263157,605,24,121,15,11,206,80,152,0.091,0.6729999999999999,0.23600000000000002,0.9771,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,13,0,1,6,0,18,2,0,4,0,25,28,9,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,18,11,22,23,2,21,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,9,11,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712951565862275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371109805888456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816770697635347,0.0,0.12730241193806094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163571370997842,0.0,0.0,0.13681688431651093,0.0,0.0,0.19483539788041004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997667374376868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166173867336044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164554695249833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400696005221313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755771175789657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151781810055155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470583108053835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732959923107525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982599039690409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796691877291086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190932728402578,0.0,0.0,0.1094953001165038,0.0,0.12354118713038235,0.25866716048629057,0.0,0.16172284441555693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902050377974431,0.35560278309081245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989227750308142,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,h00th00t95,2019/01/09,"Can't stop socially smoking weed... and can't stop bingeing after I'm overweight and trying to lose weight so badly. I quit buying and smoking weed at home and it's solved a lot of my compulsive overeating issues. But when I smoke which I do everytime a friend offers it, I binge really hard and hate myself.

I don't want to eat or do anything productive today because of how much I ate last night. I don't want to turn down smoking w my friends who smoke, bc it's social and because I'm addicted to numbing out, but I can rarely control my food intake when I do smoke.

I feel so frustrated and hopeless. I hate my body so much and it's the number one thing I can't stand about myself, and yet I still make choices that keep me overweight. Which creates a lot of shame and guilt.",2.1175471698113237,4.1877432704402535,3.3867672955974832,89.66090566037737,78.55974842767294,6.001006289308176,24.436477987421387,7.0316486544052195,0.9730432704402512,616,22,125,7,15,200,92,159,0.24100000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.078,-0.9811,0,0,3,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,9,11,3,2,4,0,9,9,1,3,0,25,20,19,0,2,3,0,3,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,9,11,6,4,1,0,1,0,5,9,0,1,1,3,20,2,13,19,4,15,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,3,10,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619795265456658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545709714526826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729317357369846,0.1858697461323273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934262646082365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099073102845005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559990556005028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770855965967662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843486359390302,0.0,0.2355720001513285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656932347198622,0.301034592643284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292433484925386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912293170716102,0.0,0.1355086007645146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427079862376955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055763484233202,0.0,0.2592227975979375,0.0,0.0,0.1017645898417882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241432583281842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430682590275743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033071424299229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621541701871722,0.0,0.0,0.0976662826858202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108164106733269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175039325098765,0.2549176452148339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128402269140097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450907867784615,0.0,0.0,0.10350662585368596,0.165826762014013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798432763006138,0.0,0.0,0.18564855925466245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,llama_sammich,2019/01/09,"Did/do you have trouble deciding on a career? The lack of a self-identity and constantly changing ideas and emotions have made it impossible for me to choose a career path. I’m 32 and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Now that I’m a mother, I really can’t afford to go back to school - which I’ve always felt would be a waste of money anyway, since I change my mind every week about what I want to do with my life. 

What do you do for work? How did you come to that decision? ",3.070768194070084,3.379500443396225,4.787412398921834,87.71028301886793,72.86792452830188,8.321293800539085,22.69002695417789,8.418075326091056,0.9854706199460912,381,8,89,6,7,130,69,106,0.08800000000000001,0.885,0.027000000000000003,-0.7744,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,7,1,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,2,0,18,20,5,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,3,1,11,0,14,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,59,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823376864498666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470862000190467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531960141446629,0.18451662076073372,0.0,0.2314769735158273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24094915634822914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047497559368966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056681405713125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173630532171245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24180872502190195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772017748167125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129767017914705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268373166935988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628361956231684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722370597183825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21678452292000933,0.0,0.0,0.22346008536428935,0.0,0.0,0.17719064999165435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710625172371267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25268455181688315,0.0,0.1718204495944447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559420842158445,0.0,0.0,0.15216342056644278,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tkgehrig,2019/01/09,"Diagnosis---NOT asking for one! I am going to see my PCP this coming Friday.  I've recently switched to her so we don't have a very long history, but she does have my prior physician records, so she can see prior diagnoses, etc.  My question is-can she diagnose/treat/prescribe me for what I'm going through, and am starting to wrap my head around and understand now, or will I be referred to a psychologist for a proper diagnosis?  I don't want to waste her or my time.",6.456774193548387,5.811765000000005,7.5242150537634425,74.24632258064518,65.66666666666667,10.880860215053763,35.804301075268825,10.355215969177356,3.599221075268817,367,16,72,8,5,125,62,93,0.016,0.943,0.04,0.451,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,9,3,1,0,0,12,19,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,15,0,10,17,1,11,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,3,7,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174539752106686,0.2283614575871168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104188017714075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479310595859768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376417805144185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724279838602665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776509497330238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506936672983985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161731391201662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552511010631352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736406783407669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411892489744474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893065067316698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172897063570159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243703736889762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542958913043328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015500809806774,0.1440780250587824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sunnycurls,2019/01/09,"Anyone in South Florida receiving quality professional help for BPD? I am looking for DBT treatment centers or therapist who deal directly with bpd patients in south Florida.

Would love to know if anyone here is in SoFlo and would like to share resources that are available down here. 

You can PM me if you don’t feel comfortable posting it here.

Thanks.",6.326666666666667,8.636987063492063,5.993841269841273,74.53171428571432,67.25396825396825,10.11936507936508,36.40952380952381,10.355215969177356,4.389339047619048,287,15,46,8,5,89,50,63,0.0,0.755,0.245,0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,12,4,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,9,10,0,9,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,3,1,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366048782757936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6063042956220587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24815025005029764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170472021582507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133556357591056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228195559566805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759344435703185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212666067569512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724037642669666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23052324609619484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216034343190257,0.0,0.27947025992743024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34197153407773445,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thetheoryof,2019/01/09,"I have Borderline Personality Disorder and keto seems to be the cure, at least in my case. How has your dietary intake affected your mental health issues? I was on a keto diet for 7 weeks. I lost about 15kgs. For the last three weeks I've been gradually falling off the wagon. It started with desserts made using artificial sweetener and then sushi (without the rice) and then fruit. Ultimately this process lead me to binge eating things like milk chocolate, dumplings and McDonalds (buns, fries, coke and all), as well as a bit of alcohol.

I haven't put much weight back on, but my body doesn't feel good, and even worse is the effect it has had on my mind. For example, I felt suicidal for the first time in almost a year.

I'm back on keto. 24 hours down. My brain is screaming for sugar, but I just can't cope with the severity of these mood swings. It's 12:44am and I so desperately want to order McDonalds. I'm also angry at myself for throwing out the remainder of the chocolate I had bought, but I had to; I was getting stuck in a cycle of ""I'll binge eat again today and start tomorrow.""",4.2652640845070415,5.744525723004696,5.169011150234745,81.71436179577466,71.11267605633802,8.517488262910799,27.397007042253517,9.017664075816787,2.142821830985916,861,30,168,17,16,281,138,213,0.165,0.8109999999999999,0.024,-0.9841,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,0,4,10,6,0,0,13,0,15,13,2,6,1,29,29,18,1,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,11,10,0,4,0,1,4,4,2,1,2,11,6,18,3,32,17,4,33,0,1,0,0,3,12,0,2,17,111,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162051862531435,0.15184070129855082,0.0,0.0,0.12126257644812112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331961443596089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554631306694678,0.16843247042118162,0.0,0.1692749786361333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378702150056985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103212329618921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015358793782987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667128909027324,0.0,0.14559352570097886,0.0,0.0,0.1289807830176683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922310852618755,0.0,0.0,0.12718437140322664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118107603320625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493300803638543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582677028710102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360288753556685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408127598855943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552768108381016,0.0,0.0,0.14348084741759634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281256847192695,0.0,0.1531082774219392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114692842478237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240196608027532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524352098937608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380429475654001,0.0,0.17130456078142262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146562824099668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586424515039164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073965730095898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841967667857532,0.0,0.143732394074031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096408557013234,0.0,0.0,0.08943834151219827,0.0,0.2432651452431311,0.18465076465924465,0.13633821249778802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617087562953587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452917466827848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976480664775861
bpd,yami_hinata,2019/01/09,"Medication question. Has anyone ever been put on anything other than an SSRI and found it to be helpful?
In my experience, I've tried several SSRIs and they seem to make everything worse. And I mean like I get upset over something so miniscule and I'm vomiting, crying, and hyperventilating until I feel like I'm going to pass out. 
I'm more of the hostile and narcissistic (yet very insecure) type. I wouldn't exactly say I struggle too much with depression, I mean I have my days where I just want to fucking die but most of the time I'm okay.
I struggle with intrusive thoughts a lot, and it's ruining my relationship with my s/o. I'm very impulsive, and I act on my thoughts/ emotions without much thought. 
I'm getting really sick of blowing up on my s/o for no reason then feeling like shit afterwards. So I made a doc appointment to see if I have any other options besides SSRIs. 
Have any of you had good experiences on non-SSRIs?",4.7315762925599,5.970205032786889,6.471584699453554,73.73708701134935,69.7103825136612,9.565195460277428,33.74905422446406,9.851270322608157,3.5211205548549818,743,36,135,18,13,257,118,183,0.151,0.733,0.11599999999999999,-0.8609,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,1,0,7,14,3,4,5,1,8,5,1,3,2,36,31,14,1,3,4,0,2,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,12,0,0,11,0,0,4,3,9,0,0,7,4,20,5,24,22,5,20,0,2,1,1,6,9,2,6,10,85,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738582644557482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119561751080338,0.0,0.10732798532785824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326483487699074,0.08411280484717135,0.0,0.11233415307873644,0.0,0.1353597050559808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467096452173242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179761355897798,0.0,0.0,0.11721684105269185,0.25515974431581395,0.0,0.0,0.13189276603374625,0.18635011711511704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300337888713102,0.0,0.12057505059005814,0.13628249950262192,0.0,0.07412306577245066,0.1093936122613266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742057704050041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115599562835592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088197180675452,0.0,0.12341051039647545,0.08705915132715071,0.0,0.0,0.2841403291898869,0.0,0.13138863764099676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175355470986216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111232191590602,0.1461049279188416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355306789055192,0.13409777671788425,0.0,0.14002675688676572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037185408931115,0.0,0.0,0.10393118349446208,0.11873327292316126,0.0,0.14734219695364534,0.13387854408953812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040690388698148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726953371638809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106266855442988,0.07605138681844789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854945534167026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522721133622835,0.07692755913902571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572425303593845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291337945234052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whosgotfood,2019/01/09,"Anyone else use escapism as a coping mechanism? Hey all, new here, fresh with a BPD diagnosis from my recent stay in a psychiatric hospital.

One thing I learned about myself there is that I escape all the time from the real world. Mostly in books and films, but also with alcohol (it had turned into a full blown addiction, which led to my decision for inpatient treatment). If I'm on my own, I always have headphones on, or am staring at a book or my phone. I never take time to deal with myself, which is something I'm slowly learning to do.

Was wondering if it's similar for any of you, that being alone with yourself is so painful and confusing that you set up mechanisms to avoid it. Thanks for any insight!",6.419434306569342,6.548817686131388,6.936925182481755,75.82976733576642,65.56934306569343,10.353649635036495,33.183394160583944,10.125756701596842,3.307497080291971,561,22,103,12,8,184,97,137,0.09699999999999999,0.853,0.05,-0.8224,0,2,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,2,7,0,9,3,0,2,3,26,16,10,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,7,1,1,5,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,1,12,1,23,13,5,17,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,7,5,78,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184304082134472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141321746377055,0.0,0.20752054730412128,0.0,0.16023400651732858,0.16672200792303848,0.0,0.0,0.27251386349448004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010178016820835,0.20530042444521734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523561499625204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657033825129145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738153324981314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453595069605044,0.1935164085172968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577436383487698,0.0,0.213205398650596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22806235025854296,0.0,0.0,0.1978389672858964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425287266767893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356534737219948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506516018029255,0.0,0.0,0.1844716915483684,0.0,0.0,0.13311542090993908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336720769781145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794256030770526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305339170125894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729026315837807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whatsupbitchezzz,2019/01/09,"Everyone else is crazy? (newly diagnosed and very confused) I'm freshly diagnosed, and unfortunately I saw the psychiatrist right before my winter break, so I'm having to go a whole month psyching myself out via the internet before I can go back to school and see my new therapist (to start DBT, I also have a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, and nutritionist for bulimia).

Anyway, I'm hoping someone who knows more can help me with what's been the most confusing to me. I have the ""relationship pattern"" problem completely to a T. I just wonder, though, would it really be a problem if the other person wasn't disloyal/otherwise seriously flawed? For example, I've had major fallings out with three long-term best friends (from spending every day together, going out and socializing together, etc. to a big fight that ends in never speaking again and I seem to be infinitely more heartbroken while the other person just nonchalantly moves on), countless casual flings, and one significant other on the rocks at the moment. I've fallen in love with all of them, but I can pinpoint one seriously awful thing that every one has done to me. From laughing along with reputation-ruining rumors, to sleeping with other women on the side, to belittling me and discarding me over my eating disorder.

I guess my questions are these: do normal people not feel very emotionally attached in years-long friendships/relationships?? is there something about BPD that is causing me to attract people who are very disloyal, or are people generally just that shitty? how is being conflicted about the loss of a relationship that you were very invested in, wanting that person to stay but wishing they would change their ways, a ""disordered"" way to feel? I'm just having a lot of trouble seeing how EVERYONE wouldn't feel the same way in such a situation.",10.88892672858617,9.730498099071212,10.562798761609908,57.685787409700716,57.1733746130031,13.938410732714141,41.65717234262127,12.801484090802019,5.663949184726522,1478,65,222,43,15,486,192,323,0.11199999999999999,0.8059999999999999,0.081,-0.9027,0,0,1,0,1,0,49.0,0,1,3,2,16,16,1,2,20,1,27,5,1,3,2,55,49,18,0,10,9,0,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,16,17,1,1,7,2,2,6,4,9,0,5,6,7,23,7,41,37,10,39,0,1,3,1,20,16,0,11,12,170,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363016997992565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079790093032995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669345964872333,0.0,0.09662417867049213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596181497970925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945835952298033,0.0974002651198924,0.0,0.09653603504921138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937900439928993,0.0,0.0,0.18690285454493746,0.0,0.0,0.2110456219585002,0.0,0.0,0.09422191044128764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421292949824277,0.07691457645322934,0.10356892371626478,0.08154871260804562,0.0,0.10268493170326028,0.0,0.0,0.1551497358467092,0.1759580206411761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966353545305132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113481603008376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698039757162674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142799801997984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171410926205612,0.0,0.0,0.09144855005044476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060051782810057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296214296413308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827656090743995,0.08309882848997073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349121640218195,0.09785826375522658,0.0,0.0,0.071011819307714,0.08892398288432216,0.0,0.0,0.09021128674182133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717168169287068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149398032777332,0.2411818935499305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620147687644813,0.0,0.0,0.10314202663213873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898386095745679,0.0,0.0,0.2965535186338698,0.0,0.07862922503738813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318206403977024,0.14673937489432345,0.08381914677624233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349310170270497,0.09213877466166476,0.09385609570821224,0.07801254504215886,0.07088174028267055,0.0,0.0,0.06516923449942776,0.09813680111116953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690301489876776,0.06116873241566356,0.0,0.09046054876451276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30387709818977904,0.054306616939507016,0.2192480735218438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279541382591753,0.1058785794299097,0.0,0.09984846137891412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081101370843334,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ctyrox,2019/01/09,"I'm diagnosed BPD, and I feel like im going insane Someone please message me. Im not attention seeking-im diagnosed and legit. So much bs is happening and idk how much longer i can take this.",0.17692307692307452,2.563649128205132,2.98089743589744,85.26826923076926,96.17948717948721,6.702564102564103,24.448717948717945,7.793537801064563,2.0928256410256414,152,7,29,4,6,53,30,39,0.10800000000000001,0.765,0.127,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,7,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628032105311731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235762456843669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550606829101056,0.14906858634957168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185877508600631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451962728666688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6761741679173715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194199492761262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30678200551327245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290488488093104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679912393898362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568882891554369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DampishDrake,2019/01/09,"Looking for relationship advice So I believe I may have bpd. I am in no way looking for a diagnosis. Im just looking for anecdotal stories that may help me.

Since the first time I read the symptoms for bpd, I've felt like it fit me perfectly. But even if the symptoms are not bpd but something different, I hope you guys can help me.

At times I think my partner is ""the one"" and at others I think he is the most manipulative, gaslighting, toxic person I have ever met.

How do I tell what is real? And what is my emotion wreaking havock?",2.914257528556597,4.680431495327107,4.7064797507788185,82.49488058151611,75.16822429906544,6.9985462097611615,28.71131879543095,7.793537801064563,1.8737568016614743,418,18,82,6,9,142,71,107,0.015,0.836,0.149,0.9203,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,6,0,12,2,0,2,2,19,20,7,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,15,3,7,16,1,9,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,5,5,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113578353044814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272368056644876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457153621214509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089910050103472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246483873517606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953949631584104,0.13064562875058686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867590074725486,0.0,0.0,0.1228524838446242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300887244567348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361739891037244,0.0,0.0,0.14345204529897002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560096917962074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056143208811927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638556567106846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786982423843434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261111153019232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446955475405635,0.16439349450646654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506427298981526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947437713652208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118963190001974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002371191596405,0.0,0.0,0.12623859665134615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509042642487375,0.0,0.0,0.16843713685958275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146421842563137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ADDBPDANX,2019/01/09,"Jarring to realize my entire personality consists of “symptoms” In my mid-30s, started DBT recently. And realized all my “identifiers,” things people would associate me with, what I thought made me unique, are in reality symptoms of BPD. Therefore, if I “heal,” what is left? Just a boring fucking shell? I already feel boring because I’ve cut so many of the bad behaviors from my life over the past five years. How much lamer can I get? Instead of pushing people away with my crazy, I will with my boredom...",5.669780219780217,7.63952279120879,5.9481318681318704,75.57186813186816,68.34065934065934,8.716483516483517,37.17582417582417,9.23628265651192,3.763654945054945,398,22,66,8,7,127,69,91,0.166,0.8340000000000001,0.0,-0.9266,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,3,0,5,5,0,3,1,15,11,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,1,13,0,13,7,2,10,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,4,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237078111272176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201846552280853,0.0,0.17938002681106227,0.13096271822180125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270579840000566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086281062532307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861346153941864,0.11224353148101296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334211664643483,0.0,0.15174581588173708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328408356655026,0.0,0.21781112617333104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793000739804067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050863464990246,0.2978820258906021,0.18758749213895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212574419940014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206282384334874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465960680416025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272824061061604,0.0,0.0,0.17055668084056252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261413063314444,0.0,0.0,0.1383480657050207
bpd,lotusgirl92,2019/01/09,"but i love you mom i'm a 26 year old adult with a masters degree. yet why am I still trapped inside a 12 year old's mindset? My mom has no formal diagnosis, yet she presents with all of the characteristics of BPD. All my life, she has verbally abused me and emotionally scarred me. I never wanted to admit that my mom has a mental illness, and I may have to cut communication with her for my sake. I have always felt like I am walking on eggshells with her and her emotions are so intense and drastic. ANYTHING will set her off. Sometimes I feel so lost, confused, and co-dependent. Anyone else the child of a mother with BPD? ",2.8564442815249294,4.856831169354841,4.222492668621701,84.86737536656894,76.01612903225806,6.444574780058653,27.40175953079179,7.348242739294969,1.4536709677419355,491,20,98,6,11,162,81,124,0.20199999999999999,0.716,0.08199999999999999,-0.9476,0,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,5,5,1,1,7,0,10,3,0,0,3,20,17,8,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,20,2,13,13,2,13,0,1,0,1,15,2,0,2,10,66,21,0,0.0,0.18040411770502876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266931601873434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646427246471528,0.15600915490877612,0.1252976424188413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38353422598198944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719433785976708,0.34254575094617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698762156787993,0.0,0.1461942194059491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754628659712004,0.07438692252008097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621061966604894,0.0,0.13742129195928754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344304669875386,0.0,0.0,0.5349779300360833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174328944339246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31954413572028584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058979743250953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215956497084543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980734863988951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739166465362598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961018910210367
bpd,resilientbynature,2019/01/09,"Where would I start in being proactive about getting help? I can't afford to see a professional at the moment, and I find myself allowing myself to fester in the bad feelings OR take flight and act out of control and impulsive as I want. 

Right now all I really want to do is sit down and find effective, real ways to ground myself. There have been a lot of the extremes on my end for the past few months and it's exhausting and making it overwhelmingly difficult to get back on my feet again.

​

I think I'm looking for things like books, groups, not necessarily typical 'self help' things, but a way that I can read up on taking control of the ride, so to speak. I find that a lot of writings about BPD are for people with loved ones who suffer from it, not about the actual people who suffer from it themselves and its a bit frustrating and I don't really know where to start. 

​

I'm sure this thread is made several times a week, so I apologize if I'm contributing to that, if there's a somewhat mega-thread or something for helping yourself outside of a professional setting I'd love to be guided to that!",6.9192121212121185,6.532373890909092,7.168181818181817,76.32393939393944,64.63636363636364,10.424242424242424,32.42424242424242,9.928628108626363,2.9714696969696965,896,31,171,17,12,291,130,220,0.09,0.7709999999999999,0.138,0.8334,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,12,11,1,1,14,0,12,4,1,6,2,39,32,16,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,14,10,0,2,7,2,0,2,4,7,0,1,2,4,15,4,35,27,6,30,0,3,2,2,12,13,0,7,12,120,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.11351218888407608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520667823078862,0.28268467807355513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944341078863748,0.09712289596012402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699203861070338,0.0,0.1465018046683742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609270318837129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302558275370002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058815222907120185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189449394884269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154549226051338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339018680064933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392679504255863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682840098567968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768006189103468,0.0,0.0,0.19778333821664404,0.2099678819573258,0.11006542506194812,0.07764494665463251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284604446797937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882189252159752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104123601702096,0.16128420495463852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635214230818412,0.13239838178998073,0.14903599220291447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933721173360993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269250934753442,0.0,0.12134782144292755,0.13140924128069573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954933027965506,0.0,0.0,0.16466472975941648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963084948957902,0.0,0.1749173265132457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455656139462165,0.07453358485091034,0.0,0.0,0.0678275147702668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721788311892166,0.1846598580554863,0.09330542053467863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263086250477457,0.0,0.28268467807355513,0.0
bpd,meilani22,2019/01/09,"its the end of the world again! just kidding, either a couple days later or in this case ONE HOUR LATER I am once again okay, and can see how much I create my own problems and fall down the rabbit hole towards absolute ""doom"". Dammit emotions, youve once again gotten the best of me. 

If you can relate, please share your experience so I dont feel so crazy and alone tonight. :( ",2.50476833976834,4.681430905405406,3.0436679536679527,92.0698648648649,77.78378378378378,5.3096525096525085,20.03088803088803,6.1826913282559595,-0.008943629343629134,293,7,60,2,7,91,59,74,0.13,0.6990000000000001,0.171,0.3425,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,7,5,0,0,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,10,7,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,7,3,5,6,4,14,1,1,1,0,4,4,0,2,9,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460955776533925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493603561827205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629144466305325,0.0,0.15324083361449642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27848085870487643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672828277839296,0.21045473609179186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243126890644894,0.0,0.0,0.12014435525872676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340011031368612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467301575350094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5061005298783313,0.1610128294886314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608279003160701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273637077095825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934692792815788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Whatterson,2019/01/09,"I just need some people to talk to, please. I’m tired of not being able to make connections.. or deleting people who don’t exactly understand what I’m going through.

I don’t care if you won’t talk to me long-term, I just feel like I had such high expectations for this year that it’s going to completely swallow me whole if I can’t connect to anybody. 

I’m so tired. 

I just want someone to hate life with, to hate BPD with, to feel the extreme euphoria with and be in that together knowing it’ll end in a giant crash and we can still be there for each other.

I’m just looking for friends. I’m losing my myself.

No one gets it. It’s useless looking for connection anywhere else. 

Just direct message me... ",2.1961698717948717,4.10838324305556,3.7258333333333336,88.07942307692308,77.68055555555556,6.6529914529914524,26.35470085470085,7.61054688173877,1.4448393162393165,553,22,114,8,13,183,91,144,0.156,0.731,0.113,-0.7605,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,1,9,7,2,0,2,0,10,4,0,1,1,26,30,6,0,5,9,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,10,7,1,0,4,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,4,13,3,20,24,3,9,0,2,2,0,7,4,0,4,4,74,23,0,0.1628411317363003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509270489781173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660273865976763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707358284433292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603287024804292,0.0,0.14422890890975512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467473806884786,0.11633373704960955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581065443457304,0.0,0.08507777031236133,0.0,0.18509273568218595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215438089719261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205059627793068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949322733876645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501950712974655,0.07955595154307701,0.0,0.0,0.1441092772750501,0.2734910761429364,0.18217757326458486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869771991609144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207446358299786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034536522613084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22578707427063224,0.0,0.0,0.17875066237236542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379747624807213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004513815507454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617710667543982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743238520653723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952336103844576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604791856631167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180630819150534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486434988195543
bpd,xxjayrose,2019/01/09,"Bird Box helped me realize where my BPD comes from *Spoiler Alert* I’ve always been unsure about whether or not I could classify myself as being the product of abusive parents. Few people that I’ve spoken to say that I can, but I’ve never actually been sure. I’ve usually tried to tune out the thought of any memories that could possibly correlate with being given that label- not out of shame/embarrassment or anything like that but due to the fact that it upsets me sometimes to recollect and its not something I had really discussed openly in detail really...until recently.

I was diagnosed by a medical professional that I have Borderline Personality Disorder; amongst a few other things. A diagnoses they believe, in which the fundamentals of it became built on my upbringing. 

The other night, I finally gave in to the meme frenzy on social media about the new show on Netflix called “Bird Box”, featuring Sandra Bullock. While I didn’t find the movie all that great, and felt as though the story was a bit rushed in terms of “emotionally important parts”, there was one part that stuck with me and I find myself ruminating about it. Particularly the scene with the female child in the boat. 

Sandra bullock’s character proposes the idea that between two of the children on the canoe, one of them will have to potentially spare their life by taking off their blindfold, in order for the greater good of the rest surviving. She notions intensely at first that the female child character should be the one to do it (not her biological child), over her son (biological child), before eventually coming to the conclusion that none will do it, and instead they’ll tough it blind. 

This part stuck with me so badly, because in that split moment in the film where the female child was realizing Sandra’s character was implying for her to spare her life for Sandra and her son, she selflessly agree’s knowing she’ll likely die. I feel so much relation to this character, not in the aspect of being willing to die, but being willing to sacrifice any comforts, wants or needs I had in order for others around me (stepmother included) to receive the better “end of the stick” so to speak. I constantly gave up things, did the hard work, catered to my siblings (stepmothers bio children), pretended I didnt want toys so there’d be more money to spend on herself and her bio children hoping it would win me brownie points enough to be accepted, loved and wanted by her, like the others in my family. 

Despite the fact that she made me eat my dinner out of the garbage can once, made me walk far distances in freezing cold, at too young of an age to do safely, punched me nearly out in public at around age 10, constantly destroyed my things, publicly humiliated me in front of family and friends and overall neglecting me, I wanted nothing more for her to love me like I was her own. She would treat me “okay” when we were alone but the minute another person came around I would be the punching bag, the black sheep, the person to “group-hate” on, or the inadequate child who could do nothing right. God forbid I ever spoke back to her, she would threaten to physically hurt me, or kick me out of our hotel in foreign countries (Colombia) to fend for myself at a young age. 

I felt so much sadness for this child in the movie who was willing to sacrifice everything for this woman, in return to be loved. Luckily the child gets the love.

I didn’t... and while I thought before that maybe I didn’t have enough bruises, or “it wasnt that bad”.. reliving those memories after the trigger scene watching “Bird Box”, I think I can conclude that I am.
",10.01879464285714,8.156444718749999,9.441238095238095,67.27042857142861,59.40178571428571,12.71,39.513095238095225,11.407655852321104,4.470875238095238,2889,115,500,63,30,928,321,672,0.105,0.773,0.121,0.9628,2,1,1,0,0,0,78.0,2,0,5,7,20,29,1,1,44,1,53,12,0,4,6,85,83,32,2,14,16,3,5,4,1,12,6,3,0,15,41,27,2,3,16,6,2,7,12,9,0,5,31,12,71,20,101,28,18,79,2,3,3,4,61,45,0,7,29,372,112,4,0.0,0.09017842012315866,0.07427280576015728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882745723227698,0.0,0.0,0.06332997922356415,0.0,0.0,0.10351541184176068,0.07980842757053258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263240319692889,0.2032632712159205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852422670498219,0.127098068629037,0.04639621490839591,0.0,0.12952874923077362,0.08575039721256708,0.0,0.06731349494641645,0.08309288288371937,0.0,0.0958584288490723,0.0,0.07771726406634458,0.08705006189630253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112480141128655,0.0,0.1644966835963628,0.0,0.18230396819917613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545009793716952,0.15798123104213388,0.0,0.08722915271702583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787997627107003,0.0,0.08561399549297963,0.06741125487419812,0.1572848504691139,0.0,0.0,0.06884624610536415,0.0,0.0,0.06840315159048208,0.0,0.14350028943247187,0.0,0.03848372293465396,0.0,0.1461559071364747,0.08337526158838446,0.13912711795794486,0.06473949735868434,0.0,0.0,0.05880273348864696,0.0,0.03976456108562552,0.0,0.0,0.06383782206840236,0.0,0.08391202357739193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818000038790037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510152204216174,0.0,0.0,0.07559483550594015,0.0,0.0,0.08147779510881133,0.08591941722455594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04182830476394252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751810256679503,0.148734856743189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747705575198507,0.1440350682495212,0.0,0.0,0.07646316216540552,0.0,0.0,0.07667325630950901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189985460311364,0.05643492336005875,0.05870105973886981,0.07350793265683579,0.0,0.07142448763757052,0.0,0.14606003070058193,0.0,0.0,0.08105512958547656,0.15472320207524093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451163130335082,0.24726055346530704,0.0,0.052765392617927606,0.19937008908135764,0.0,0.0,0.07194896239586004,0.08580307996263498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048758293752329485,0.0,0.07514987279670274,0.0,0.0,0.06499789585927937,0.0,0.060526072975007825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758500394351055,0.0,0.05859353148942782,0.07527516661972325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173318451092625,0.0,0.0572255752616661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169317378520208,0.048768493715624674,0.07477811621789797,0.12084636797076086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051673989527393036,0.0,0.07434883597891931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382489164738087,0.0,0.17956762669989074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540930334666134,0.0,0.0,0.21626667799980515,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,audiobook_junkie,2019/10/02,"Family not understanding that I have BPD and that's why I act as I do How do you deal with your family not understanding or being interested in the fact you have BPD?  They think I'm a selfish bitch who has to have the last word and my way in every situation.  None of them even ask what it is.  I don't think they believe there's anything wrong with me.  My brain NEVER stops.  It's like a hurricane that's out of control and they can't see that.  I know I'm irrational, I know I have a temper and lash out, I know all these things, but \*I\* know why.  They think I'm an attention seeker.  I'm scared to tell anyone I have BPD because I don't know what to expect.  I checked myself into Duke's psych ward for 5 days to see what was really wrong with me.  The diagnoses was straight up BPD.   I had no idea what it was and looked it up as soon as I got home.  It was the story of my life.  I was crushed.  But not a single family member even acts like I've told them anything.  They don't try to understand.  I try to stay calm and try to explain but to them I guess it sounds like blah blah blah.  My sister, 15 yrs older than me, has had mental problems all her life but has no interest in finding out what's really wrong with her.  She says she'd rather not know.  She's been a pill seeker and chronic mood swinger as long as I can remember and none of her 3 adult children want anything to do with her.  I'm so afraid they're going to start treating me like her, although we're nothing alike.  I'm all out life of the party type and she's the permanent wall flower.  
    
I'm just at a loss as to what to do.  I can't help my reactions at times and they hurt people.  I apologize to them but that rarely makes much difference.  I live 6 hrs away from them and it feels like I'm slowly being ejected from the family.  My parents are gone and it's just them for me now.  My fear of abandonment goes haywire and it's even harder for me to keep my mouth shut.  How do you deal with this???",1.5929718234981394,3.1448186028708136,3.250773524720896,92.43680356193516,78.28229665071771,6.749707602339183,20.7020202020202,7.594959193182576,0.4867366294524196,1528,38,355,22,36,507,191,418,0.172,0.7829999999999999,0.045,-0.9944,2,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,4,12,2,12,23,2,3,14,0,32,8,2,4,5,72,67,29,0,4,13,2,1,8,0,0,6,2,1,2,24,24,0,4,18,0,1,4,14,13,0,0,11,6,61,9,51,53,7,32,0,3,3,0,39,16,1,2,15,227,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057210232512067576,0.0,0.2019919102449572,0.0,0.07649036912959177,0.0,0.0768722959394627,0.0,0.0,0.04987652609579775,0.0,0.0,0.09218277682224604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121961619009344,0.09133783800461168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176774419445684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527669339152046,0.16870502383715658,0.0,0.0830452672127806,0.0,0.08548416589240214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212340886439994,0.0,0.06893662112733788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085293032961627,0.09206990308296592,0.0413704957398664,0.058452005807975986,0.0,0.0,0.0747817181117381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650001768831515,0.0,0.06543868373701253,0.0,0.0901336174766814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484201626502136,0.0,0.08207182434478767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758967476110419,0.0923644755029535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727251034972049,0.0,0.0,0.2697957846200377,0.06669397101442591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337500889990656,0.19986484830586815,0.0,0.07224828888989586,0.07240785455617514,0.06870793622111264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461528114703034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245500744773464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060146889452594075,0.0,0.0631043921082214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785082031710339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085108758165612,0.0,0.0,0.05672347382343975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829039725539905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483158229722554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268576361058116,0.0,0.0,0.06506630474435203,0.08191578734755654,0.0,0.1303994059203154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196876427068364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057912400602272464,0.0872089074458208,0.0,0.06840492790464746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715140189857773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543573691358953,0.15728026871993386,0.0,0.0,0.04770972160184308,0.0,0.0,0.07818222401127173,0.0,0.16665060450894267,0.0,0.0,0.2555315612301161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825937545088859,0.0649446647772884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476590953581919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683709736579195,0.0,0.0
bpd,superduperfella,2019/10/02,"HAE had bad experiences with other people with BPD? This might sound insensitive and I’m really sorry if it does. 

I have BPD, I was diagnosed about 4 years ago. I’ve struggled with it for many more years than that. I was really bad at it in the beginning, but eventually with heartbreak, tough love, meds, therapy, and support from people I care about who care about me too, I’ve gotten to a point where I have a pretty decent grip on the disorder and I don’t allow it to cripple me or define me like I used to. Of course I still have hard times, but for the most part, I’m typically stable. 

However...

A guy I have been friends with for several years has had a tough life. His upbringing wasn’t great, and his dad passed a few years ago so he’s been struggling ever since. He recently (in the past year or so) revealed to me that he has very strong feelings for me. I was honest and told him that I really value our friendship but that I don’t feel the same way. He said it was fine and that he felt better just getting it off his chest. 

Flash forward a couple months, all our friends are home for the holidays and we all get together for Friendsgiving - and we get big trashed. My friend takes it way too far and has a mental breakdown in front of all of us, scaring the shit out of us, breaking things, and manages to get me alone and gives me a guilt trip for several hours about how I don’t feel the same way as he does about me. I allow him to let it out because he’s in a fragile state and continue to hold my stance, but try my best to console him. 

I find out later that he had been diagnosed with BPD as well. I expressed to him that I also have BPD and that I’d be more than happy to be a resource and try to help him navigate life with this disorder as best as I could. He refused my help - ok, I understand. He has feelings for me and us being close may be painful for him. Our friends who all deal with their own slew of mental illnesses also offer to be figures of support for him. He insists that he doesn’t want to burden us and that he’s fine, despite us explaining that we want to help and that it’s much more of a burden for him to try to deal with this alone when he has no idea how to. 

This scenario happens at least 3 or 4 more times, each episode getting worse to the point where he physically hurt me on multiple occasions. I confronted him about this and told him I wasn’t comfortable being alone with him anymore. Rather than taking responsibility for his actions, he shuts down and isolated himself from me and all our friends for months, and when he does briefly pop back in, it essentially gets to the point a suicide scare, which I and several of our friends took extreme caution to make sure he was safe and couldn’t hurt himself. 

I could list a dozen more scenarios like this, and each time we rush to his aid to be the support group he’s used to, and every time we try, he pushes us all away and isolates himself, making us worried sick every time. It got to the point where I was starting to lose the grip on my own struggles that I’d worked so hard to maintain. We try to explain to him that he’s not burdening us by needing our help, he’s burdening us by refusing our help and then making us worry to the point where our own mental health is starting to decline. 

He refuses and isolates himself again. 

He shows back up and now is apparently doing better, even though I know for a fact he’s not because whenever he’s around me he refuses to speak and is so rude at all times and makes me feel uncomfortable around our group of friends who I have been close with for years, and he shuts out every time he decides he needs to go on one of his sabbaticals. 

I’m getting ridiculously sick and tired of his shit. I understand that BPD is difficult. It fucking sucks. But part of getting better is actively TRYING and working through your issues, not just running away from them until it feels ok enough to run back. 

I’m exhausted and I don’t know what to do. 

I understand that I obviously don’t know every detail of his struggles and that everyone deals with things in their own way, but this is way beyond that. It’s getting really old. Like I said, it’s probably insensitive, but I’m beyond being concerned about that at this point. 

TL;DR - I have BPD, I’ve learned how to deal with it. My “friend” has BPD too, and refuses to learn how to deal with it. This angers me.",6.197665254237286,5.575710315254239,6.520625000000003,81.152123940678,66.1864406779661,9.951271186440678,32.335805084745765,9.354420925462401,2.5889025423728813,3459,123,722,57,48,1119,321,885,0.154,0.659,0.187,0.9927,2,3,0,0,0,1,83.0,25,1,3,9,44,64,8,7,28,2,57,16,3,12,11,148,119,67,1,9,17,1,12,3,8,2,11,4,1,1,53,67,0,7,22,2,0,11,13,30,1,2,23,16,105,34,127,82,29,98,0,4,0,2,124,44,4,7,41,486,158,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679420416359828,0.0,0.0,0.1190731887150705,0.0,0.061293766952945285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03800611113747974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823117703212772,0.0,0.0,0.07201142645583361,0.08840404772047496,0.06399619642933879,0.04672268138899442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043523315325192,0.10168071847360877,0.0,0.0,0.3378652748812943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814569045544037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119558272111045,0.04240366259059451,0.0,0.0,0.1975466139704317,0.0,0.07779406194798244,0.0,0.0,0.08784293973713822,0.0,0.10061012769454963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959789591830581,0.0,0.025311975295152046,0.03466534099775382,0.12915509708033976,0.03661926189231336,0.0,0.037487240539745316,0.0,0.0,0.11626353974488522,0.0,0.036796082911826164,0.0,0.03502652111682167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368659932295321,0.035428989292033364,0.18019963801579544,0.03676290669874417,0.021779839947762548,0.0,0.030650398194203912,0.04225123482651595,0.0,0.037945787979617215,0.03388889594732858,0.0407955384221706,0.06865974824702617,0.0,0.0,0.04073554925591956,0.0,0.0,0.1284354712154126,0.0,0.03844108641918937,0.0,0.037740428304368655,0.0,0.0820511127613099,0.043261994152291934,0.0,0.03999924783102362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631839437889292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03918785657466346,0.05413732628508585,0.0561680355022253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04287362627334403,0.0,0.0,0.0345879972089953,0.0,0.1023235810409838,0.03885349964231462,0.0,0.0,0.042568205672759804,0.0,0.1158616891593896,0.04065463920197263,0.0,0.0,0.06117809442069633,0.0,0.028171809189708106,0.05683202710760759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040213534296120734,0.0,0.02596865171120637,0.0,0.040778366284519516,0.0,0.0,0.0830001332539405,0.03658363294078185,0.053136675750816466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736569155012145,0.0,0.0,0.038988261016799884,0.04131866794696111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820276195198144,0.0,0.03783933204504157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290788401218368,0.0,0.0767360025358897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988222088871662,0.07867600273472088,0.03170117564238197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042899452862011626,0.05425042306704995,0.0,0.030604791533963917,0.0,0.0,0.16025405144906776,0.0,0.04191913402245633,0.1304654341592669,0.03611896715647222,0.0,0.057628242423045276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043825682120180516,0.0,0.05092018707161673,0.0,0.037652145825001315,0.0,0.15642511690723432,0.04404664265491433,0.0,0.07323852378462671,0.04257825505882786,0.15611277904157547,0.0,0.0,0.11968676103519707,0.4609784172271164,0.06619752256027257,0.0,0.031620482547880295,0.04520778810643152,0.1520950393816597,0.0,0.0,0.034456972911159164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579919032972053,0.07783771881075394,0.039054403662619835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480725052706632
bpd,ConflictedMindx,2019/10/02,"My FP just started dating someone. I am so jealous, I don’t even think I can be around them. My heart aches and tears, and tears feel like there forming every time it’s mentioned, I can only imagine what would happen if I seen them together. But I have to see him again it’s inevitable and I’ll most likely see them together I don’t even know what to do. I don’t even like him romantically, I’m just so attached like he’s my person and now I’m just pushed the the side and she’s getting all his attention. How can I deal with this? My initial reaction is to go and find someone else to cling to in hopes these feelings will go away, but I know that’s wrong.",1.0866598150051416,3.131144906474824,2.628905447070917,93.89850719424463,81.94964028776978,5.410277492291882,22.15878725590956,6.5431188927421005,0.3384384378211709,518,17,116,5,14,169,83,139,0.086,0.8440000000000001,0.071,-0.4466,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,0,14,7,1,0,2,0,13,1,1,1,1,27,29,12,0,3,6,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,5,21,5,9,25,3,12,0,0,3,0,11,4,0,3,9,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277636601896234,0.0,0.0,0.17179475454165158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851159449479535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527487440308174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623145489663657,0.0,0.1540600519441779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849101571388936,0.13062895894453774,0.0,0.0,0.16712271632066494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553222347260236,0.0,0.20783714151682184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616947433899152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667959407693502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161253442172848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200980513758698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35732750933574936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906660394293227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965864565402288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914175212107545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098585163784521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942304538711988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716368829096488,0.0,0.0,0.10662202568131664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989227121020114,0.19991912119625,0.0,0.0
bpd,manicsaturn,2019/10/02,"Got put on Prazosin for terrible nightmares, does anyone have experience with it? For back ground I’m 17 female, issues with adhd, bpd, ptsd and anxiety. I am currently on adderal 20mg and Effexor 150mg and now dr prescribed Prazosin after I explained about bad nightmares every night. Honestly didn’t even think the nightmares were an issue until I told him about it lol but any advice or experience with this medication?",4.049195906432748,7.232135118421053,5.092807017543863,73.59020467836258,79.39473684210526,7.588304093567253,29.49707602339181,8.515128840125781,3.1099374269005846,343,16,51,8,9,112,60,76,0.081,0.866,0.053,-0.2755,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,10,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,4,1,11,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981702206582224,0.2031262696386837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135741389696962,0.0,0.15901850256194305,0.0,0.0,0.1453461858636108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983771286120282,0.17356115358130855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26180255405920144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819067465351572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729489803347558,0.0,0.1751378120176295,0.0,0.0,0.4066697132441073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662510825682035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339205129856397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940520902413584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507009983782755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24298664696996225,0.20896482123103474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319346421245062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986268463421436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lesujet,2019/10/02,"BIG MOOD I have a solid partner. One of the most healthy I’ve ever experienced. I feel so secure in our foundation and team work most days but I can’t escape the feeling of needing more attention, appreciation and care! I am a very independent career motivated woman! I like my alone time and can handle being a step parent very well. Extremely motherly. I just have days where I make up issues or feel like I’m not loved enough. It’s frustrating. I started sertraline about 3 months ago, and have been increased every pysch appointment. I feel like overall I’m well and in a better mind space. It’s the days that I feel overwhelmed that get me! I am under the impression BPD is here to stay I just wish I didn’t have the feelings of running away and disappearing or putting unrealistic expectations on my partner. I am aware these emotions are
Deep rooted and I’m actively working on my self care! What are some good ways to cope when feeling so down? 0-100 is and always has been rough for me. 
P.s my line of work involves a very one sided relationship that I’ve mastered with secure boundaries and mindfulnessw",2.754119718309859,5.516624276995305,4.047775821596247,81.84941021126762,80.87793427230045,6.930281690140845,25.77640845070423,8.07648339933343,1.9491816901408447,893,36,162,18,24,292,133,213,0.044000000000000004,0.659,0.29600000000000004,0.9953,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,7,11,16,1,1,10,0,18,1,0,4,1,36,36,15,0,3,6,2,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,10,0,2,9,1,0,5,3,2,2,2,3,9,21,13,17,32,6,29,0,1,0,1,11,13,0,5,12,103,28,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063618417708354,0.0,0.0,0.1292651100852032,0.0,0.0,0.1038515895788103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172627322992112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038395300293197,0.0,0.0,0.15719332822391513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545034206712619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414756097887944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039400661654994,0.0,0.1289616855882784,0.0,0.0,0.11289743313093828,0.1051574751355562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417524044806698,0.17832801337975845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520786724195457,0.0,0.0,0.10468437505165078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026880097857466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292700575538934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264554132869052,0.0,0.08331138044366232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602212174587862,0.0,0.0996218358905849,0.0,0.0,0.0925447405881936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914843677761693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858629603790648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546812558442005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399880698868458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020363789042766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834088075080873,0.13303043239373616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277748431857131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089429855239529,0.0,0.09906805497312704,0.0,0.0,0.22443764770028984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352488611117284,0.0,0.0,0.27258863656144233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ragerjane,2019/10/02,"I hate feeling like I deserve more love always. I have a solid partner. One of the most healthy I’ve ever experienced. I feel so secure in our foundation and team work most days but I can’t escape the feeling of needing more attention, appreciation and care! I am a very independent career motivated woman! I like my alone time and can handle being a step parent very well. Extremely motherly. I just have days where I make up issues or feel like I’m not loved enough. It’s frustrating. I started sertraline about 3 months ago, and have been increased every pysch appointment. I feel like overall I’m well and in a better mind space. It’s the days that I feel overwhelmed that get me! I am under the impression BPD is here to stay I just wish I didn’t have the feelings of running away and disappearing or putting unrealistic expectations on my partner. I am aware these emotions are
Deep rooted and I’m actively working on my self care! What are some good ways to cope when feeling so down? 0-100 is and always has been rough for me. 
P.s my line of work involves a very one sided relationship that I’ve mastered with secure boundaries and mindfulness.",2.730590909090907,5.505652695454548,4.040181818181818,81.77027272727275,81.13636363636364,6.792727272727274,26.072727272727274,7.9765259561132025,1.95245090909091,923,38,166,18,25,302,134,220,0.052000000000000005,0.639,0.309,0.9956,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,7,11,18,2,1,10,0,18,2,0,4,1,38,39,15,0,3,6,2,9,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,10,0,2,10,1,0,5,3,3,2,2,3,10,23,15,17,35,7,28,0,1,0,2,12,12,0,5,13,106,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986108091495559,0.0,0.0,0.11521490184355634,0.0,0.0,0.18512730452530016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451709810060623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838599372989157,0.0,0.0,0.14010751911202268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268406889698328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522890949530527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251341656003509,0.0,0.11494445745522082,0.0,0.0,0.100626276247294,0.09372759724471236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.449985171783545,0.2384175189727838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812023073169105,0.0,0.0,0.09330591981223722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983010191253124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610949859657692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739216920173826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008035266243892,0.0,0.07425601938481997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464880705238596,0.0,0.08879364304910366,0.0,0.0,0.08248577822722669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076319145575034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352294044653575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183062285078804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943407918949504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605141827776748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873884838506652,0.11857096010166665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648670836752336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27536305603991423,0.0,0.0883000542221906,0.0,0.0,0.20004285404424516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792474051588082,0.0,0.0,0.2429601691004979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,98mh_d,2019/10/02,"Outsider question: how integral a part of BPD is the concept of abandonment/ self-harm? I've struggled to find clarity over this researching on YouTube and I'm sure more educated people here could point me in the right direction or save me the time on google scholar. Are there people with BPD who do not consciously deal with the concept of abandonment, and neither self-harm nor consider self-harming? For example, if they exhibited all of the other symptoms but not those.",8.458941176470589,9.16020877647059,7.976470588235292,68.15411764705885,61.235294117647065,11.976470588235294,41.70588235294117,11.602472056035307,5.2906941176470585,386,21,62,11,5,122,66,85,0.047,0.882,0.071,0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,6,0,4,1,0,1,2,19,5,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,12,4,4,7,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,3,1,44,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756084625415774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075236657410526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946586223418407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725722908884794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044668251795441,0.0,0.26179927586678897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848996586640767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115145434663881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124585855012474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5909215683712961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738906335065784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795466714862138,0.19624971810347727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009878032194184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ojandephedrine,2019/10/02,"Does anyone else ever get extremely angry when people show concern for you/ask how you're doing? I feel like I'm constantly craving for people to be worried about me but as soon as someone shows any kind of concern for me/asks if I'm doing okay i lose my absolute shit. I've never snapped at anybody over this or showed them that it's annoyed me because I understand these people are just trying to look out for me but it's so irritating that my gut reaction is to just tell people to f off :/ 

I've only recently been diagnosed with BPD although there's no doubt in my mind that I've been struggling with it for the last 5+ years, so I'm still trying to learn what's me and what's the BPD if that makes any sense. Am I just a bitch or is this the BPD?? I have no idea lmao",2.9148181818181804,3.856295709090908,4.433106060606062,87.7696590909091,73.72727272727272,7.4393939393939394,25.26515151515152,7.793537801064563,1.2000606060606058,612,19,134,8,12,205,103,165,0.235,0.713,0.052000000000000005,-0.9872,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,12,9,3,2,4,1,10,3,2,2,2,23,18,14,0,2,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,2,13,3,21,15,0,14,0,1,1,0,2,5,2,5,10,82,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882225737432472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676688485173143,0.14179893009532193,0.0,0.0,0.2587556252377881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436246184628576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228995336618304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495525574784274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046493882305647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110774762427162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560873484151715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251834620947226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997513944160717,0.09886725271008226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230409364306407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622769167210745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411394288840182,0.0,0.11280792840854732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761132724934545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621440187830187,0.15482521778165206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237771618538428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973644097270896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673642068290352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525333116523107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837742738560057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664537697918544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205737088731354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725906908653574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105200078994494,0.0,0.0,0.14467733763530544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209606837207233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791812989732465,0.0,0.0,0.1440709238877389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405437656435727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911989284446847
bpd,its_reds,2019/10/02,"Oh hi there old friend I’ve been doing really well for what felt like the longest time, even considered reducing meds. I’m glad I didn’t because, holy piss, the last week or so has been shitty. Super lonely and self destructive out of nowhere. Enjoy the good days people!",1.8489010989011017,4.640289384615387,2.7379120879120897,88.6642307692308,87.84615384615385,6.048351648351648,18.96703296703297,7.447530270364453,0.836672527472528,216,6,40,4,7,68,47,52,0.261,0.526,0.213,-0.5262,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,2,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,1,7,3,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,6,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852535870458173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994506418710474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042669247644716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969433484401678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389377332966658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593972014339244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25209263341191235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510914859905419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435242158750672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245220844598589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440573525498435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981233779011972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226313312624625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033518135179447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480741037058129,0.0,0.27806679688895075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,5x5f,2019/10/02,"Is it normal to forget important things? Is it normal for someone with BPD to forget important events? For example, I cannot for the life of me remember being diagnosed with BPD. I know my psychiatrist diagnosed me, my gf reminds me, but I can’t remember being diagnosed.",5.261399999999998,7.350766940000002,7.457000000000002,63.863500000000016,69.6,12.2,34.5,11.698219412168324,5.393200000000001,217,11,33,9,4,77,31,50,0.069,0.871,0.059000000000000004,-0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,10,7,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,8,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888612117039622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5909459675999067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665851712747662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708087679924189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803044903505263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396981718356268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443907550124534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893477328010555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,doctorwumbologist,2019/10/02,"DBT helped with the behavioral symptoms. How do you tackle the internal and emotional symptoms? I have had training at a DBT residential treatment center when I was in high school and no longer have the outward symptoms of BPD, so the diagnosis has been taken off my chart. However, I still have a lot of the internal symptoms (even though it’s not as severe as it used to be).

I think the main one is a fear of abandonment. Without going into too much detail, I handled it very poorly as a teenager. Now I’m in my early 20s and see this a lot. Here are some examples:

A compulsive need to talk and get human interaction. I’m emotionally needy.

I also don’t do anything extreme so I control my behaviors, but I always get worried that someone doesn’t like me anymore or will abandon me if they take a while to reply, can’t hang out, etc. 

It’s driving me insane. And unfortunately, BPD is stigmatized. I’ve even met DBT therapists who stigmatize it. 

Is it possible to get rid of the emotional turmoil that BPD brings or treat it better? Or am I going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life?",4.24722222222222,5.635835759259264,5.790740740740741,77.59083333333334,71.03703703703705,8.91851851851852,31.092592592592588,9.354420925462401,2.9135425925925915,868,38,162,19,16,295,134,216,0.114,0.815,0.071,-0.85,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,2,12,7,0,2,15,0,20,5,0,3,0,26,35,20,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,12,9,0,3,1,0,1,5,6,4,0,1,5,1,18,3,24,28,7,19,0,2,1,0,9,9,0,7,6,122,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913260238258268,0.0950238866193642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325611669235836,0.0,0.0,0.09397720405170734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010009791596682,0.0,0.0,0.431494242670241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280854665575795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773560458782105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853802591046138,0.0,0.0,0.12736364077173914,0.15085658289910114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285072069256024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178994996859085,0.0,0.12980544553700188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654612524177018,0.12065899951422597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806631244246073,0.055792550134981536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417820353764345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395043885134552,0.08467815439837317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773851509802913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874379941258418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557690825589435,0.09100293841124883,0.0,0.0,0.12901395350188766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676163384080212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120059215681617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747917956704032,0.08586449327886607,0.09178996091747003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259547395258425,0.0,0.07317500928069763,0.11220131956801983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863248455901368,0.0,0.0942272954040751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008511662372644,0.0,0.0,0.11597605622960228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wholesomefuck,2019/10/02,"I cheated on my boyfriend with my FP. Title sums it up. My FP is a very good friend of mine who I had sex with for the first time about a year ago. We lost our virginities to each other and actually became very close after, but never got sexual or romantic again, even though I wanted to. Despite that, we’re best friends and after he moved back to his hometown about 4 or 5 hours away, it was tough for me. He visits about once a month or so and he always stays with me when he does and we smoke weed and hang out and listen/play music. It’s great.

I’ve been dating an incredibly good guy for three months now (in an established relationship for 2) and I’d had inklings he was still a little hung up on his ex. Surprisingly, it didn’t make me mad. I was talking to our mutual friend about it and said that it made me a little sad but it’s not like feelings just disappear because someone else comes into your life. In fact, I used FP as an example and said that I still had a little feeling left for him, but I wasn’t worried about it because we were never going to have sex again and I wasn’t pursuing it. I genuinely meant it. That very night, my FP came to visit and we had sex again over a year after the first time. 

My boyfriend is so good to me. He lives about an hour away, so I only really see him on weekends, but he cares about my needs so much. He’s not always the greatest at communicating, but he is the first person whose feelings I don’t doubt. I know he likes me a lot and cares about me deeply. In fact, I think he loves me and I love him - even if we haven’t told each other that yet. 

I wish I felt more guilt around the cheating. Yes, it hurts me to know I betrayed his trust (especially since he’s really not a jealous person and knows that my FP stays with me when he visits, though to be fair, he doesn’t know about the fact that we’ve had sex before). I guess the feeling that more overwhelms me is...frustration? Frustration that I can’t get rid of these feelings for FP. 

Strangely enough though, despite how the whole thing kind of stirred up those feelings, they also made me realize how much I care about my boyfriend and how much I actually want to be with him. 

I don’t know, it’s just weird and confusing and I don’t have anyone to talk about it with.",3.496363636363636,4.334811050955416,4.356830727658757,89.24754487550669,72.24840764331209,7.5774560895580025,24.03918162516889,7.793537801064563,0.918746072186837,1779,46,398,22,33,574,210,471,0.125,0.716,0.159,0.9661,0,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,7,1,1,5,37,32,5,4,21,1,26,8,0,7,5,85,64,40,0,5,14,1,7,2,3,0,1,2,0,3,29,36,0,0,15,1,0,9,14,14,0,4,23,10,60,18,57,39,12,62,0,4,1,7,50,21,0,8,32,265,89,0,0.0,0.0,0.15368154394229042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979997624299462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296989866865285,0.13103919914294485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505819327769152,0.0,0.0,0.07009701829966483,0.0,0.0,0.14796128390640853,0.060547689197942324,0.0,0.09600070802799164,0.0,0.06700358887403669,0.0,0.08263480501921343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005979897740829,0.2408479583159901,0.0,0.0,0.0678292065439338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890759980896216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657787845216529,0.0,0.0,0.08136147009472594,0.0,0.10401661367380384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388857360395117,0.0,0.07560460802286206,0.0,0.0,0.20093355447467692,0.0,0.0,0.1825074758804255,0.0,0.04113941219320856,0.0,0.04475085747570237,0.19813500291882305,0.0629771203301819,0.08681326366165919,0.08674312118556518,0.07796689754157342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550898934217621,0.0,0.08429487226974261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199761037794584,0.2163725468164452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555334508003054,0.0,0.05561775886577065,0.0769386661389277,0.23676032173935044,0.06953057309884754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859561260366583,0.06694357910372849,0.1421353450881305,0.14901504961250514,0.052560854470821726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570212593949276,0.08369021766806935,0.17365315184662178,0.058386148641305174,0.12146127239153635,0.0,0.0,0.0738939738649078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385759317726413,0.0,0.059886791429686864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750884455555426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088820244716523,0.0,0.0,0.08453937212286057,0.0,0.0,0.14980322785243647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274712913413229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513614408494227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671778779714588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785685605020045,0.12576682540320508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657957273593956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231264416413025,0.050454653848404835,0.2320906602863387,0.0,0.0918301135247107,0.0,0.0,0.07524129533269057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800775176595543,0.0,0.19491103394795511,0.09288806929687757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791256076123485,0.09054934165845396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996625937307883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141445170289796
bpd,Divergent_elf,2019/10/02,"What is it really like to have BPD? I haven't been diagnosed yet... 
Please share your experiences, what you have to go through everyday and how you deal with things... 
I'm not here asking this because I want to relate to something or any of that. I may not have BPD but i'm having constant mental breakdowns for fear of abandonment, criticized, self-harming, getting all paranoid and my relationship is at stake. I'm afraid I'm becoming a toxic person.",3.775323529411765,6.248234458823529,4.6572794117647085,80.59650735294119,75.0,8.014705882352942,28.27205882352941,8.841846274778883,2.5493823529411763,359,15,64,8,8,116,63,85,0.16699999999999998,0.762,0.07200000000000001,-0.9072,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,9,1,0,1,1,12,17,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,7,2,10,15,1,5,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302218336869918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966171949753665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820676338294146,0.23227764663023964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529771617360518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272770249982297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168266995085104,0.0,0.21346644919039676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057295358434041,0.0,0.23666412244862986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098814996912336,0.0,0.11952750585752395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274983973864543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194919648746446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363993619562924,0.0,0.23086395870700305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347339010822981,0.0,0.0,0.22580081961765855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940559631506307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619116352975727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972469432894385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404990511081115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,circa-alter,2019/10/02,Pregnant I just found out I am about 4 weeks pregnant. I don’t know how I feel about this. I’ve been in an on and off relationship for 4 years. Currently we are doing okay. We are in our mid 20s. The father is much more financially and emotionally stable than I am...I don’t know if I want to keep the baby or not. I know it wouldn’t be impossible to finish school with a child but I also know it would be a lot harder...does anyone have any advice? Ever been in this situation? How did you manage it or make a decision? I have been diagnosed 3+ years and I do fairly well but still have episodes maybe once to three times a year.,0.32055137844611536,2.4806842631578974,2.7732631578947355,90.97217543859652,86.06766917293233,5.952681704260652,17.137343358395988,7.3011,0.11502546365914725,489,11,111,8,15,168,86,133,0.0,0.935,0.065,0.6586,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,7,1,19,1,0,3,1,30,28,11,0,4,7,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,1,14,2,14,19,3,16,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,4,9,79,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789692917799386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376881501405806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075917770275947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444889250457362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516341245684646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629273267294294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393117350333484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972241693549656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082861699476985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091015353620911,0.0,0.0,0.4226952982803694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347231056772493,0.0,0.0,0.1283505369864607,0.0,0.1931743308829232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135028506990488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477534513197476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644020950022707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946008758619738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161343864246557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355762133342896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212188710675654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134136202114849,0.0,0.1542379941690517,0.0,0.1728856997021568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365924767946177,0.0,0.0,0.3714722524577787
bpd,likejackandsally,2019/10/02,"I thought I was done I’ve been single for a long time. And given that i haven’t attached myself to anyone in that time, I thought the therapy was working. I thought the obsessions were over. I thought the loss of self worth and self esteem controlled by another person was done. 

Apparently it’s not. 

I’ve picked a new FP. And one that doesn’t even make sense because he’s so unobtainable in every way and barely interacts with me. I’ve essentially set myself up from failure. 

In the past week I’ve gone from a total high to a total low and now I’ve secluded myself into a depression bubble. No social media. No texting or calls. Not even leaving my house, much less my room. I tried to tell myself it’s okay if I don’t get attention. I’ve tried to reason to myself that one person not paying attention to me doesn’t make me nothing. But BPD is telling me, in a much louder voice, that I’m wrong and that I’m unworthy of attention and devotion. 

I’m getting too old for this shit.",1.6747284039243835,4.005384422110551,3.582096195262025,86.25887772194305,81.66331658291458,6.604546542234986,23.54654223498445,7.793537801064563,1.3650974395788462,776,28,154,14,21,261,111,199,0.147,0.8170000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.965,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,1,1,10,1,12,1,1,5,2,29,25,11,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,9,9,0,1,8,0,2,1,9,6,0,2,13,1,19,2,21,12,6,21,0,3,0,0,10,10,1,2,8,99,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359097390666564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062789472821106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901042100231571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324208418594865,0.0,0.13234859277106334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453711529409771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163483594369478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26527665230332803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121532968707218,0.0,0.10920390580704456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354340960162691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694245212592293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955512764927156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724065199958033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147027573927177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730343588203618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905598256182317,0.0,0.0,0.12518031304263716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243664439011791,0.0,0.13600624708478204,0.0,0.17565722202306858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237295529501103,0.0,0.22634482438834616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326297385108307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704276760086093,0.0,0.13304510601812072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212336043244335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265736285153959,0.0,0.14822289697803018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115905760339401,0.15115588372873853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599641158183155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028801664344492,0.10396712414843988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435925739865696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171064208165393,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deseret_Supremacist,2019/10/02,"What to do when your FP gets a restraining order against you? I’m unable to make any new friends atm, and I can’t handle being alone like this. :’( Any advice?  

I’ve been completely abandoned by all my old friends as well so no going back to them. And I don’t want to learn to be alone either, that doesn’t work for me.",0.649147121535183,2.6966942985074627,2.0562899786780378,97.36776119402988,83.6268656716418,5.0226012793177,18.526652452025584,6.1826913282559595,-0.3174929637526653,246,6,57,2,7,79,53,67,0.138,0.693,0.16899999999999998,0.3184,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,1,9,12,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,7,4,9,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,36,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429797193330395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150566739679473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338183582216378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119793160644832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607067439055893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38421561971283297,0.0,0.12991033387140213,0.0,0.14131458194873667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147873867019512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597704704195687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401495153708136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26091829881978895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666130909156969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235678835950134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102151515884995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,annon_bgm,2019/10/02,"How can I be better? I (20) have been with my boyfriend (22) for a year and a half, my diagnosis is new, just this year. Because of my BPD I find myself being very emotionally unstable. I can be happy for the whole day, no complaints, and then one bad thing happeneds and I'm very angry and not a nice person. Being together for this long I guess I kind of just assume he should know what angers me and what doesn't, but it's so inconsistent really. He is the sweetest man ever. Hes so patient and he has suffered with depression in the past, not a very bad case of it but I know it's hard for him too. I love him and want to be with him for a long time. We live together and I just want some advice on what I can do to deal with my anger and emotions better. I dont mean to be so angry and take it out on him I just dont know how to deal with the many emotions I go through all day everyday. 
Everything helps. Thank you",1.3392445506121222,2.8373201116751297,3.3050462824723787,92.00695132875488,78.84771573604061,6.665750970438937,21.232905344879068,7.510576382923642,0.5236696924455062,710,19,167,10,17,240,106,197,0.184,0.706,0.11,-0.9417,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,0,2,11,13,2,0,9,0,20,1,0,2,2,40,33,18,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,17,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,1,1,26,7,22,25,3,17,0,2,0,1,16,4,0,3,12,118,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994549167888922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049747473795056,0.07482452355724485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171168574110201,0.0,0.0,0.15459367281876987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832139881588353,0.2530904619556578,0.10572052782294801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28771364690249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142165326573915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103034102479112,0.0,0.0,0.11031574962908484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218717233344827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975910195206607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521801761474048,0.0,0.10854344903831646,0.13066487774048055,0.10995586720231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227372792698627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782055998115013,0.2023731665189911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838653405069668,0.21725182738516985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078261499657856,0.0,0.0,0.12444468137706527,0.0,0.13370584436901392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854837834477006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317553419238242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717447815107275,0.0,0.10717664473658399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863391672543613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228934758357994,0.0,0.0,0.1130075741438795,0.0,0.0,0.08154666264460089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157389392056061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038337018713095,0.14479696394040456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370409783173419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808816802217718
bpd,temporarybleach,2019/10/02,"Hypersexuality phases - how do deal? I (25F) have BPD and go through intense phases of hypersexuality. I want to fuck everything. Ideally, I would just have a ton of sex with my amazing GF, but for many reasons she isn't very sexual and we don't have sex often (maybe once a month or so).

What do I do? Ethical non-monogamy would be ideal for me but it's not really an option for her. Masturbating doesn't do it for me. Any creative ideas? Or ways to get over this?",1.0295307917888543,3.460338795698928,3.8212512218963854,82.72460410557186,85.7741935483871,6.822678396871946,21.357771260997072,8.00094639256281,1.2044064516129036,360,12,76,8,11,127,67,93,0.023,0.765,0.212,0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,3,0,13,3,0,2,0,20,17,8,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,11,14,1,4,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,4,1,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218822069748502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189030890899556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610434459095911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275645095335229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234084129917577,0.13228926781679606,0.0,0.14390235188172587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858378537463876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25671033353664496,0.2543786593302799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021059771764966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696552772849383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220973661956525,0.2603371197712413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089208101248004,0.14934698894687065,0.2009825042705421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597394225496324,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MoMonster1134,2019/10/02,Self Aware Word Vomit I try so hard to use my tools and keep the same personality and stay consistent in general.  But I feel like I'm at a stage in my growth where I'm self aware enough to know when something should be said or not. But that urge inside still takes dominance and I watch myself put my foot in my mouth and blurt out. How do I take control over my mouth??,5.995129870129869,4.883449519480521,6.016201298701301,86.21573051948053,66.79220779220779,9.777922077922078,27.04220779220779,8.841846274778883,1.4716519480519472,291,6,68,4,4,92,57,77,0.025,0.879,0.09699999999999999,0.659,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,3,4,3,3,0,19,12,10,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,8,9,2,13,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636976518726307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429331325782261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887948951096053,0.1679637743535129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061381339673046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897799322352065,0.0,0.0,0.12921118691894246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486365204413625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529038085349546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23635209673245655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364497206203496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905453504506238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810003965555835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505976835075088,0.18776042784162986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535493271079538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962534358856312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306093482419627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cloudcookie0283,2019/10/02,"Do I truly have BPD? My boyfriend recommended this subreddit to me in spite of trying to get a community that understands what I have been through. I have been through an abusive relationship and I have been mentally abused by best friends in the past. I want to fully explain those in future posts but I am truly unsure that it is BPD. I mean I do the outburst on people, I have trouble trusting, and I have been through multiple traumas. I don’t want to self diagnose myself and I think my therapist agrees. I brought it up at the end of a session so I didn’t get much time to talk to her about it but she says that I may have similar issues and such. So what do you all think?",2.6713990267639893,4.569071364963508,4.021624087591242,86.56387165450123,76.22627737226279,7.486374695863748,28.204987834549875,8.344100000000001,1.9743046228710457,535,23,111,10,12,176,81,137,0.12300000000000001,0.731,0.146,-0.1179,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,1,0,6,0,19,1,0,0,1,15,29,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,1,22,3,19,22,3,12,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,4,88,32,1,0.0,0.4157174757790119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841055077682831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419019984920372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806021956823953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538105833482233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553865715001864,0.0,0.18331240375912616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310587397066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109734169391826,0.0,0.0,0.17679462326282833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896301862494708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747010121145722,0.12162275518719215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801577010808494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834877177325296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951090649859782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830142807102925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100593875803338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036905680411072,0.0,0.22482002986208413,0.0,0.0,0.10229605839183037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910710156831752,0.0,0.0,0.1826313424246413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694918030654166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ziggy_3397,2019/10/02,"Potential breakup - is it me or is it my BPD How do you end a relationship with someone that you still love? How do you follow through with something when you’re not sure if it’s what you really want, or just what your BPD thinks you want?

I recently came off of medication and I think I’m seeing things clearly for the first time in awhile, but at the same time I’m doubtful and don’t trust myself. I’m not happy, but I don’t know if it’s just life, or if it’s because of my relationship (which is full of love, but has issues, like all do). 

I’m nervous to bring it up with my partner out of fear that he’ll leave, and if it IS my BPD talking, I can’t handle him leaving. I don’t want to push him away, I love him. But I don’t think I’m happy. I also don’t know if being alone will make me more happy. I don’t know what to do.",1.4984394409937922,2.3676898532608703,3.5161490683229846,93.26239130434784,77.09782608695652,6.561490683229812,21.838509316770182,6.868970318607317,0.2555835403726707,639,16,159,6,14,218,92,184,0.14,0.713,0.147,0.3117,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,6,0,1,8,12,0,3,3,0,18,5,0,3,3,41,41,19,0,8,16,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,14,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,9,3,0,1,1,1,25,9,18,37,4,18,0,0,1,3,17,7,0,9,8,107,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551678338859096,0.0,0.09691597939960804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386244099318815,0.0,0.0,0.0738765889599586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579054839115017,0.0,0.0,0.13860961835678418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073387899734669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637297779278526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308455647265227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387028543801616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649137005292266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980934764002484,0.0,0.0,0.2566464298696132,0.0,0.0,0.08560041680947986,0.05920754471743825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32813740694587346,0.0,0.08089558339492453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208665408983875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763772180643823,0.0,0.1196609739384262,0.2602264326397474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657311831717147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026842965360284,0.09329834880072356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678287020969002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422058884255196,0.0,0.0,0.09740831352007916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805135668206775,0.2329618895553624,0.0,0.0,0.14133428159786696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144438469994001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Eotremen,2019/10/02,"Abusing therapy for validation? My ex so, mother of my daughter, was seeing a therapist for about two months before breaking things off between us. Said therapist was experienced in CBT and DBT, mood and personality disorders, and PTSD. To try and save our marriage I scheduled a joint session with a different therapist, who during the session was very much dismissive of me while advocating her almost to exclusivity. At one point in response to the SO saying she didn't want to work things out in the marriage, the therapist did not shift to a ""what do you want then?"" Or a ""how do you think it should go from here?"" Kind of stance but instead flat said ""then I'm not sure what I'm even doing here.""
As if it's as simple as that when we now have to figure out how to co-parent our daughter and deal with each other in a way that allows us to move on while providing a healthy environment for our child. The end of the intimate relationship doesn't inherently mean there's no interaction, no need to understand and communicate with each other in the interest of our child.
So now she's seeing this therapist, who doesn't have that experience or training for her disorder. She's been offered help seeing her original therapist, multiple times by multiple people, but she keeps making excuses and citing worries that have already been addressed regarding insurance and money.
It feels like she is just sticking to the one that is new and validated her during a hard situation. It seems like she's fishing for support in having made the decision to abandon our marriage, move on to someone else RIGHT away, and not actually treat her condition even.
Am I wrong for seeing it as validity seeking?",10.258722527472527,8.520527060897441,10.158479853479855,61.92461538461539,58.839743589743605,13.786080586080587,42.47802197802198,12.540900571622839,5.43722912087912,1361,63,228,38,14,451,175,312,0.099,0.8140000000000001,0.086,-0.3425,3,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,8,2,0,1,16,11,0,0,17,0,20,0,0,6,1,49,41,29,0,5,9,4,2,2,0,1,0,3,1,3,19,18,0,2,7,0,1,3,8,2,0,3,10,10,26,8,47,30,3,33,0,1,4,0,42,15,0,5,15,174,45,3,0.0,0.1058172023967105,0.0871532292200335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943060484203552,0.0,0.09855529961016968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390925391033321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759958416593817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920742154771118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330946205675086,0.20471294341473284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460666177824926,0.0,0.07910174508598837,0.0,0.0,0.1179762194165472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736186851614322,0.0,0.0,0.04515758751587863,0.06380275412577993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050756670441019405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000380679325601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986230294669751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938242380334037,0.0,0.09300214390672272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726426132740557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450684736086579,0.059614812295437664,0.0,0.0,0.09728427242855686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128602377630992,0.18984381694235705,0.06565278891850586,0.06622189321212749,0.0,0.08625571147830069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103691302274455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191599079433471,0.07798164660443847,0.0,0.0,0.08442638389182461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439807446897913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588502415759334,0.0,0.07626986026267019,0.16990765084748174,0.0710225318377438,0.0,0.0,0.28467256577690897,0.0813040521373629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038766630680024,0.0,0.0,0.0756716844948109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134740906343996,0.08417318570880489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213324384210627,0.6221715656571861,0.11866658158131314,0.057225947882443375,0.0,0.0,0.05207711172088536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063531608779444,0.0,0.08724244463361049,0.09297438212871437,0.2148567634999829,0.0,0.0,0.07368972479679048,0.10535416273898313,0.0708897568404935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501840971361897,0.0906981743445741,0.0,0.0,0.09764596332840716,0.0,0.0
bpd,blahblahsadsheep,2019/10/02,"Does it ever get better and STAY better? I think I know the answer to this but I’m feeling really, really down and discouraged right now. BPD is a rollercoaster, I know this, we all know this. But what’s so hard about coping with it is that you get better for awhile - maybe through therapy, meds, or meditation (for me it’s been a year of all 3) - and then BAM out of nowhere, back to massive episodes, ballistic fights with your spouse (& talks of not being together), hysterical crying & screaming, the self-harm, the feeling that none of this will ever permanently go away. Does it? Does it ever get better, or does the time between spirals and episodes just spread out... and then lessen? 

I am so distraught. I just feel like I can’t cope like this forever. If I had just minor bad days maybe I could. But when I fall, I fall HARD, and I can’t help but wonder how I’ll have the strength to just keep reliving this over and over for the rest of my life. Therapy & things helps but I guess it never makes it all go away. It’s disheartening to be going well and just go back to suicidal and angry and steering my relationship majorly way off course. A constant intense rollercoaster.

Just sad. Disappointed. Hopeless. Need to vent. I think I already know that the reality of this illness is that it just stays.... and I’m pretty bummed about that. Anyway.. Thanks.",3.0454961832061045,5.389114206106871,3.8101770992366433,86.4115404580153,76.78625954198473,7.245435114503818,24.220458015267177,8.238735603445708,1.503019358778626,1070,36,211,20,25,340,142,262,0.2,0.653,0.147,-0.9762,0,0,0,0,1,1,54.0,1,2,0,5,21,18,1,1,10,0,13,2,0,2,7,57,37,25,1,3,16,1,5,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,23,16,0,2,11,0,0,6,5,9,1,0,2,6,20,9,29,31,6,32,0,5,0,0,9,9,0,5,16,142,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053694321448776,0.0,0.0,0.3103719884276081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942151200806314,0.14684325058115502,0.07972550254340091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33779284109937563,0.0,0.0,0.12025928474678875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318473685639204,0.0,0.07623653995224165,0.0,0.10488515207001546,0.06157955184889545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33423623856605433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591133741770881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448393756318028,0.06821408892372707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966000585999364,0.0,0.2170639859282835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105186853942531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107057103125115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280023883713561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848709399852393,0.0,0.0,0.20990296100105987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744346985058985,0.09329772928478948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373659198277708,0.0,0.19185386829086087,0.0,0.10606166550472564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080048775581603,0.07364347134449534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714198268922884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233952929400033,0.0,0.0,0.10251453332947852,0.0,0.08154317319753199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996110747259469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354737481527305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104444458033208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674676013213891,0.0,0.08790922545351806,0.21838951227025805,0.0,0.06343560602654044,0.1223651220416606,0.0,0.0,0.05567773332819147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579108838100962,0.0,0.0,0.08585196104583237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354878069644438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148883607793072
bpd,dickpressed3000,2019/10/02,"Life of bpd: emptiness I feel so alone. I feel like no one understands me and I want everyone around me to die because it’s like they’re all laughing at me and no one cares but at the same time I need people to love me and care for me and show me any kind of affection so I can feel like I matter and I’m still a living human, I want to cut off all contact with everyone and become a hermit so no one can hurt me again. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, I want to cry hysterically for hours and hours, I want to cut my skin until there’s nothing left, I want to be so high the room never stops spinning, I want to sleep for eternity, I also want so sleep ever, I want to have tons of pointless not enjoyable sex, I want to masturbate until my clit comes off, I want to go steal so much clothes and makeup to feel pretty, I want to binge eat all the twinkies I can until I die from being too stuffed and I don’t even like twinkies, I want to eat everything in site then make myself throw up because it’ll go straight to my face, I want to never eat or drink anything again so I can be Mathis’s Carey skinny, i so desperately in everything that I have to not be alive on earth, I want to die so bad and I always stopped myself because I use to be so god damn terrified of death but each day I almost over dose and feel like I’m having a heart attack I just lay back and pray that this time my heart will fully stop and the pain goes away but life doesn’t work like that...and I come back down to earth still wondering looking for my soul and happiness. I want to do all of these things but I still feel nothing.......i am literally a mindless host, my soul has left my body and I truly cannot find its way back like on that scooby doo movie in spook island with the floating ghosts heads.
I truly do not know how I got to this low place, I do not fucking know how the fuck I got to this horrible dark place and I have no fucking clue how to get out of it and I’m too tired to try.....",3.2149597585513083,3.5240940070422546,4.3872334004024145,90.70658450704228,72.54460093896714,7.588061703554661,24.13447350771295,7.447530270364453,0.7507769282360828,1541,38,365,16,28,507,194,426,0.225,0.59,0.185,-0.9903,0,2,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,0,2,29,27,7,0,11,0,23,24,10,6,7,81,69,40,5,17,10,0,7,7,0,2,5,1,1,1,12,24,5,3,11,2,0,5,13,13,0,3,2,9,56,14,58,60,8,56,3,2,1,5,3,26,4,3,31,231,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331738188294325,0.06548893855720839,0.0,0.0505663421955531,0.05261381330594362,0.0,0.0,0.04299970266612499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203427522173669,0.05628959056898273,0.0,0.07193515097045683,0.059408233710795184,0.14586374930871293,0.05279580173860208,0.11563631407530085,0.06983440964077345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023612878457698,0.07963807253847269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893779975086642,0.0,0.0,0.108936966438564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945701836118458,0.04077919494827138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687346572193112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194296226520851,0.0,0.19410534704262566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04176392047832985,0.057196663946715576,0.0,0.12084113735198106,0.11365709231057725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918309879736852,0.1355181491381354,0.0,0.0,0.057792599174812616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536997498217488,0.033035936831216084,0.0,0.07187202839782504,0.0,0.10114428272668616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731128656168152,0.0,0.0,0.06489393388551537,0.0,0.0,0.14985966247487306,0.0,0.06680772908766447,0.0,0.0,0.12454091220795765,0.0,0.06769080857111429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584605205427989,0.06950094235733836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740278497366096,0.0,0.08932479443090972,0.21624259381181288,0.0,0.05583472145746842,0.0,0.0530986759654573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706904925819215,0.0,0.04220762950957911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046482551638512254,0.04688548074711117,0.0975363212123954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067249098260734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285422444139304,0.0,0.0672829531035875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043836877103876896,0.0,0.13212727013923264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432933873026749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655466666153153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151490675655622,0.15859351776599726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200831066724353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374178841832256,0.07267550081441418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293015205594653,0.0,0.0,0.06582639655599708,0.0,0.05461185932413544,0.0,0.0,0.5967308186618869,0.0501903550063964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857204685473603,0.046033407517823706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,gayerthanthoughtidbe,2019/10/02,I wanna know more I wanna know more about Bpd. Like how it feels like in daily life.,-1.4216666666666669,0.5007779444444438,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,102.88888888888887,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.5968,65,0,15,0,3,21,13,18,0.0,0.727,0.273,0.6444,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5624612321094904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258080220787512,0.3190421478395695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908655423848221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154379075991884,0.4363601186971273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BringmetheSerotonin,2019/10/02,"DAE change style when their mood changes? First post, I hope I did okay! I was diagnosed 4 years ago. 

I've noticed that I can change a lot depending on what I'm feeling at the moment. 

For example: 
When I'm overly happy I wear cute, brightly coloured clothes and listen to cute music.
When I'm really angry I put on black and blast angry music.

And so on. It's like I need to visibly reflect the mood I am in. It can spread into my hobbies too, everything I do needs to revolve around my mood. If I'm happy and put on my ""angry"" playlist, I feel like a yellow jigsaw piece that's been placed into a red puzzle. If I'm wearing happy clothes and I suddenly get angry or upset, I feel really stupid wearing it. Its horrible when my mood changes really quickly, if I'm outside and I get a mood change I end up bullying myself for what I like/wear.

I was wondering if anyone else gets stuff like this too, and does anyone know why? I really hate it. Why can't I like all the things I like? It's a confusing mess.",1.5230769230769212,3.5167805384615427,3.6131153846153854,87.68188461538462,80.15384615384616,6.8523076923076935,22.9,7.908726449838941,1.2249857692307695,784,26,163,14,20,267,109,208,0.149,0.667,0.184,0.6894,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,1,9,23,2,2,8,1,9,4,3,1,1,29,28,17,0,7,5,0,3,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,13,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,4,9,25,13,16,24,3,26,0,0,5,0,2,12,0,11,16,95,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949663689646758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981886753471366,0.1097697583066044,0.0,0.09537050958291277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5666591332464795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873708549700516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937522460630478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949533591794226,0.0,0.09488746821573836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628365299697897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250801339924004,0.07653537602242984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112672667774764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791670173622295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421331529602409,0.0,0.10577102116497904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064066017570807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058877140712091276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140367439709293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108009737494274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887456795096194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121970896561668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193050931446416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260318224580424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153952144351768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745269203079989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264091561112048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117397647692161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193340574547554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618046934743817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898972433199285
bpd,coltquit,2019/10/02,The only thing keeping me going is being high 24/7 I don’t know how to manage this illness. I literally have the entire list for BPD criteria. Every aspect of my life is inconsistent because I I am impulsive as shit. How do people manage it? The only way I can get through my day without offing myself is by being high. I don’t know what else to do,1.2504577464788724,3.639488746478875,4.158573943661973,81.05504401408452,84.07042253521126,5.803521126760564,21.551056338028168,7.1686216300943375,1.040308450704226,275,9,50,4,8,98,50,71,0.099,0.9009999999999999,0.0,-0.7734,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,12,3,1,2,0,6,17,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,10,0,9,15,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,40,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470349024530418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037863059077828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555576116240175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149387154104773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322364359201872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601843430238382,0.0,0.1370810298963902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096877053578863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439200633301167,0.0,0.0,0.26511734730452946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703685715963874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668909830757581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721955383195447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475910637744309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024432922913084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145544403058665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325107563957011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rose_milk-tea,2019/10/02,"Black & White Thinking Advice TRIGGER WARNING for anyone sensitive to topics around eating disorders

Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to reduce black and white thinking that comes with BPD? 

I'm so used to this way of thinking that I have no idea how it would even feel without it, so most of the time I'm not even aware of it. It can be quite obvious when I'm having an episode or splitting on someone, but it's hard to notice when it's with smaller, day-to-day situations.

To give just one example from today: I'm pregnant now, and I want to eat more healthily for my baby.
So today I only ate vegetables, fruit and tofu. Even though my morning sickness has finished, my stomach was hurting a lot all day and I felt like I was going to throw up, and I felt it was because of the healthy food. I ate a microwave cake and instantly felt better.
So I decided I should completely stop eating healthy food, and started panicking about how can my baby be healthy if I don't eat nutricious food.
But now I realised that a neurotypical would probably eat healthily most of the time and junk food occasionally too, and also that healthy food doesn't have to mean only eating vegetables. 
Even though I understand that is probably the right way to approach it, it just feels impossible to me. I feel like I couldn't do that at all, by myself at least. I have to do either one extreme or the other.

(I also have a history of bulimia/anorexia for 8 years, before I was pregnant I would either fast all day or binge all day, and I just realised this could be partly due to the black & white thinking too)

Even though I've realised just how much black & white thinking affects my daily life more than I thought, I have no idea how I can combat this. I tried doing some research on the internet and I can only find articles explaining how terrible this way of thinking is, but no ways to actually improve it. 

Has anyone successfully been able to change their black & white thinking, is it possible? 
Any advice or thoughts on this would be much appreciated :)",6.594711601485693,6.673589585427138,6.9019117325759245,76.40023268516497,65.20603015075379,9.735809482193575,34.641031243172385,9.43228470229965,3.1469050469740023,1637,69,302,28,23,531,178,398,0.071,0.8240000000000001,0.105,0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,1,3,32,6,0,0,12,0,37,19,1,9,5,81,67,37,0,9,17,0,7,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,23,15,16,1,22,0,0,4,8,2,0,2,12,18,32,4,39,44,16,34,0,1,10,0,3,9,0,10,19,215,55,2,0.06346509768135304,0.0,0.06193278038659757,0.0,0.0,0.1860520768103412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150603137293956,0.0,0.2750576272892331,0.0,0.08631688546850436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331288158074692,0.0,0.0,0.05649739231847741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038687734484813184,0.0,0.05400412370151441,0.0,0.0,0.05612972146269875,0.0,0.0,0.07993206882859667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713765817522843,0.05466956206869054,0.06654194744488581,0.0,0.0,0.05067171629656113,0.0,0.0,0.20464868833969535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273650030103697,0.0,0.055538734664698115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896438340421782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095904923247105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962695809015393,0.04533947846448474,0.1828093392913732,0.0,0.05800594951356936,0.0,0.3837112401697231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060881504698315214,0.03606867756606294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685226170689678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794069968425978,0.14328874056801494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482727537825877,0.06201168196240005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395575651531613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913209680591828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330829836705176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225543435405563,0.0,0.0,0.0860111853570452,0.1448041999004982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872651616028479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154736182957268,0.0,0.0,0.13685221886042925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750294345740684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419884665247315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133742887719599,0.0,0.0,0.05377377131338408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492092279192677,0.0,0.0,0.05305966344056907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846611039011845,0.1870624087260847,0.10076839687758203,0.07401401766158584,0.0,0.12031498364566012,0.0,0.0,0.04308863536721464,0.0,0.0,0.06606940490317102,0.0,0.05481346746866093,0.0,0.0,0.03743335893644352,0.20150256192927785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061178089407532166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033513796089806,0.0,0.0,0.04086944212182917
bpd,insxcrtyfootage,2019/10/02,"I pushed my ex away for good a couple months ago In drunken haze Since then I’ve been trying to get sober and work on my issues and realized I’m still madly in love with her but she’s in a new relationship now and I’m too late. 
I guess my question is: How do we resolve these things we did to ourselves that we later regret ? 
I’m so devastated about losing her i feel like i won’t be happy till she returns which I’m pretty sure she won’t.",0.3946874999999999,2.3703990937499992,2.65816666666667,93.1035,84.10416666666666,5.09,17.933333333333334,6.2581,-0.2752966666666663,347,8,79,3,10,118,70,96,0.139,0.647,0.214,0.8028,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,3,0,0,3,7,9,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,16,15,8,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,15,6,11,10,0,16,0,2,0,1,12,5,0,2,11,49,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672490514228888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085077324373792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555801680243874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221296503649206,0.15854470116302316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594770366602715,0.0,0.0,0.18614184776070308,0.0,0.0,0.2444776231380026,0.0,0.0,0.23624543016616464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316341412723636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503433351232203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842232771872802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482795588309979,0.0,0.0,0.20029779224054745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714002305346505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143384903568841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22577955461764246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486090429557199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23826655619137915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835803170166663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723119783995245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916358168228194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743844503763273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067387295089285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615655073105312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,wazyhazeylazy,2019/10/02,"Have a hard time letting things go? When someone says or does anything hurtful to me, I can hold on to that with such a strong grip that I'll bring it up to them a week, month or year later and still feel like it's cutting really deep. I know it's probably to do with my low self confidence but it can really interrupt things and sometimes affect the way that I feel about people.

This commonly happens with my partner, and they have not hurt me since, but as much as they tell me they're sorry or they won't do it anymore, I'll just come back to it as if we never had the conversation to move on from it. Even if someone calls me something, I get easily offended and won't let it go. It's so frustrating???",5.5401530612244905,4.788441340136053,6.346318027210888,82.29049744897961,67.57142857142857,10.07108843537415,30.619897959183675,9.516144504307137,2.4101571428571424,555,18,121,10,8,184,92,147,0.13,0.785,0.085,-0.7138,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,4,1,8,8,3,0,5,0,11,0,0,1,1,24,20,16,0,2,9,0,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,15,9,0,1,3,0,0,5,4,6,0,0,1,5,15,2,17,15,1,21,0,3,0,0,11,5,0,5,11,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939560667691222,0.0,0.0,0.13226264409463515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358728984511255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411777789998222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845000395810375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065117303288666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615707678608126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253436528497334,0.11482168020623812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397196534054366,0.0,0.18268697837786035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212822536868974,0.0,0.14397766436206505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441179985449044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833003211900599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287035682493936,0.0,0.07852191684246101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828883544872666,0.17082480479693926,0.11815106788317165,0.0,0.12396071323989613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142619455931801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732882935763705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592857767087064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781464608932505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767080155495606,0.0,0.0,0.13295304288330045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27236284943441896,0.12373364274826346,0.15896073060592705,0.17991802134958926,0.0,0.0,0.12835486630374815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048037710157235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135565536032485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371980175482653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275756995347045,0.12892357245844585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350136729508053
bpd,SmellYeLater,2019/10/02,"NSFW Unsafe sex... should have known better My bpd ass is so hypersexual it’s not even funny and I can’t seem to know when to say no. 
I’m so mad at myself. I can’t keep my fucking legs closed.
Me and my FWB go hook up in the woods sometimes because neither of us have an open place right now. He’s been bringing his friends and I’ve been fucking them too. Literally have had threesomes with random dudes in the woods and have absolutely no issue with it. Like wtf??? they just hop in my car and are like wanna fuck and I’m like yeah okay why not?? Anyway. 
One of his friends tonight took the condom off in the middle without me knowing and I found out later. 
I feel like I deserve whatever STD or if I get pregnant or shit like that because it’s my fault that I let his random friends fuck me without any problem. 
I feel so disgusting and horrible. I hate how this disorder makes me impulsive and lose all judgement.
I’m sorry this was a rant post but thanks for reading it.  Love y’all  ❤️",0.26424836601307433,2.649724509803921,2.0488235294117665,93.83081699346407,90.66666666666666,4.590849673202615,21.281045751633986,6.238725200709706,0.2664261437908495,776,28,166,8,27,254,132,204,0.159,0.687,0.154,0.5687,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,2,2,10,23,8,0,6,2,14,11,3,2,1,39,36,18,0,4,9,0,2,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,8,14,0,1,7,1,0,4,9,11,0,1,6,3,26,12,18,28,2,22,0,1,0,9,13,13,6,6,9,102,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782759977388996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745938199915768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422420272206438,0.0,0.0,0.1626620727120324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801906261374273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530349433436846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060598245528146,0.09226601601580392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160819698936222,0.2993469001705568,0.477594743532198,0.06747644421395782,0.0,0.07339989992575781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751058712974575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480084311658724,0.0,0.1147959846932831,0.0,0.0,0.14195681762416695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206638606087373,0.0,0.31548503836405817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448774120771615,0.0,0.0,0.11656447154164938,0.0,0.08620977732695577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751654931262344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349360609666156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369164886038372,0.0,0.0,0.12358075565072606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918667230875566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029486493084256,0.0,0.10270663311972053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757487712626205,0.0,0.0,0.1325723866919511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277343554773512,0.14457477899257462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118905553553614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434923152707747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155353619556238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653934085645205,0.0,0.0,0.24899530247191595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,moomotippingrr,2019/10/02,"My girlfriend broke up with me so I went back to my drug addict ex that day to get back at her and now she’s trying to get me to seek revenge. See below I had my now ex’s email on my computer, so I emailed myself a bunch of times and went and filed a temporary PFA against her based on contact harassment. At the hearing I did feel guilty but I stuck to my story. Seeing her made me hurt even more and I said a few things that she never did just because I was hurting so much. The judge didn’t grand a final PFA but they did extend the temporary one. I don’t need it, she never did anything to me. I feel so guilty and like this has all gotten out of control. That hearing was over a year ago. It still kills me. I want to apologize to her. I’m still living with the other girl, so my ex feels like she made the right decision anyway. Admittedly the one I’m living with now emphasized my pain and persuaded me to get the PFA and I regret falling for it. She and my ex have a past bc my ex caught her stealing narcotics from their job, so I feel like the girl I’m living with took advantage of my emotions and vulnerability. I want to make it right and apologize but I don’t know if I can or how to",0.7253755656108609,2.7188491529411745,2.718921568627452,93.03783936651584,82.9607843137255,5.8054298642533935,20.39592760180995,7.010146845296331,0.3173167420814478,934,27,213,12,26,313,126,255,0.16399999999999998,0.742,0.094,-0.9691,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,2,17,13,2,0,14,0,13,3,0,5,3,40,42,22,1,5,6,5,4,3,1,0,3,3,0,2,10,15,0,1,7,0,0,5,5,8,0,2,17,9,44,5,29,25,5,30,0,4,2,0,29,10,0,2,18,151,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310021780382268,0.0,0.0,0.10652275528673456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888902187948803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480541188599575,0.0,0.07325403588260784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477998875012065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774991999846851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935813399291852,0.0,0.0,0.13517418846081872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937063076895715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430446558037073,0.17169781723144645,0.0,0.1316394972343336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883503594230985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708788696989696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572872523468097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924939987407493,0.0,0.13294942783418046,0.0,0.0660418558741528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612582008637828,0.0,0.3183348457327719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274140267419735,0.08021388172061074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833819720573508,0.08910394757443584,0.18536380801530114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285953525978478,0.0,0.12786851346010086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471510968509785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524769983803307,0.11430843848811174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151860620786776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193457486254745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798350843745014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007163352672034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335124154339693,0.0815870064079765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417578286892554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279612573292554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738503222177229
bpd,vision_in_violet,2019/10/02,"I feel like the people who are the most hateful toward those with BPD are those with NPD/narcissistic traits/low emotional & cognitive empathy, and the people who are the most hateful toward those with NPD are those with BPD/emotionally unstable traits/CPTSD. What are your guys' thoughts on this? I'd love to discuss! Would love to hear what the experience is like for pwBPD who also have narcissistic traits. My theory may better fit CPTSD than BPD though.",8.194756097560973,9.141245060975614,7.066975609756099,73.60607317073173,61.8048780487805,10.950243902439025,31.03414634146341,10.793553405168565,3.336714146341464,373,12,64,9,5,113,50,82,0.099,0.6859999999999999,0.215,0.8808,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,2,7,2,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,0,11,16,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,5,11,13,2,4,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,3,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965753814819272,0.0,0.17567081640782473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433932822190394,0.0,0.0,0.6126017413879873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647551453804868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859698504364642,0.0,0.0,0.08197921305379988,0.1158277016472002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605369582296178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201451386043099,0.0,0.0,0.1827354442120228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841978867507836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926623564211792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480493223784725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929464858683606,0.12871532938061855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517448625155333,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DontAskMeHowIveBeen,2019/10/02,"Is anyone else obsessed with the “getting to know you” phase? The first few months of getting to know someone are like an inexplicable high to me. I love having an air of mystery and being able to project any image of myself that I want on a new person. Once people start to get to know me deeply, it’s like they’re useless to me and I’m no longer interested in them.",4.219200000000002,4.8837365199999985,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000003,70.46666666666667,7.066666666666667,27.0,6.742157984588678,1.0894,289,9,60,2,5,95,56,75,0.083,0.754,0.163,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,0,6,0,1,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,14,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,8,4,13,13,1,8,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,37,10,1,0.2357218701228571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029895493089652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482221239637526,0.24152491226270714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691537531792128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050490230792906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694648442333714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24905309781352855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886397254801463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303235979409139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274819098214146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188150947814244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276616510406008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510360985512413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341986459179547,0.2058232447748964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972637560871556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668451529267654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903486634152315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,advicepsurgeryb,2019/10/02,"Why do i seem to attract you guys? I’m a guy and i’ve dated 3 girls this year, 2 of them with BPD and 1 with clinical depression, why do i seem to attract this kind of people?

I’ve been told by friends i’m a compassionate listener, is that be something that would make you interested in me? Thanks.",1.23952380952381,3.1274754126984163,3.4891269841269827,88.74892857142858,80.5873015873016,7.374603174603175,24.785714285714285,8.344100000000001,1.518219047619048,233,9,53,5,6,80,44,63,0.055999999999999994,0.68,0.264,0.9143,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,8,14,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,7,8,10,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,2,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912351382040599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991642476055083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865327462550348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457922334118056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407979432319357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435261579880236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603107477973477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210192950118402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801768134605306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289213118366604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209570386101344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173111835433807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642642608804237,0.0,0.0,0.14890916498354712
bpd,jessiker,2019/10/02,"Seek and Destroy I was first diagnosed in 2005, at 23. After a few sessions my therapist said I was angry, so I threw a box of tissues at her and told her I was done paying to be told what I already know. Never went back to therapy. It's 2019, I'm 37. A lot has happened in those years, especially the past two years. I feel better in some aspects (mostly the identity related stuff), but I feel I've become more angry. And when I get angry, which has been often lately, I want nothing more than to destroy things. I threw a grill off the deck, then flung the deep fryer off the counter (that was fun to clean up), kicked the shit out of a car, broke a phone. 

Tl;dr how do I control my anger impulses enough to stop destroying things and causing more stress that makes me want to destroy more things?",4.8506874999999985,5.171162693750002,5.473749999999999,84.31625000000003,68.9375,8.4,28.5,8.238735603445708,1.7729499999999994,621,20,128,8,10,201,104,160,0.23800000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.099,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,6,1,12,0,10,2,1,4,1,21,25,9,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,10,5,0,2,3,0,1,4,1,8,0,2,12,3,16,2,19,12,9,25,0,1,0,0,6,10,1,4,11,90,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981066133297713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529241859715742,0.0,0.0,0.1799567499121148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410904784062822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738642318814562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827534226045027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653828035925273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674634260203444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836274850163804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647768452340855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859846869438985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513052309067577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440891626451443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954871793713443,0.0,0.18380578827753447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385275482279069,0.0,0.0,0.10876511832934284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256709940991515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156347341410434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555466736109503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499525233681985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672577261285292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362268933090294,0.1866496272796672,0.0,0.18652972319623448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633849414462475,0.1891883391454688,0.3247544768773322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113963223202973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917075720864055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922149468492295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104896097076878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098587428005843
bpd,bp_d,2019/01/20,"A healing separation... My wife moved out yesterday.

It’s really tough. I want this relationship to work and I hope it does. Time will tell. 

About a year ago was my first freak out. I called her every terrible name through a locked door. I punched a hole in a wall. I tried to take her keys from her so she couldn’t leave. I’m surprised she came back. 

Our relationship has been struggling ever since. The frequency of fights escalating and compassion and empathy slowly dying.

About 2 months ago we got in a fight and I posted in over in r/relationships someone there suggested I look into bpd. Finally finding something I identify with has been huge for me. I was diagnosed with adhd, then bipolar and nearly started down the path of the full drug cocktail that involves. I knew something was wrong, however, so many of these symptoms just didn’t fit. Because I’m a successful engineer and I don’t self-harm it’s very easy to convince myself I don’t have a problem. BPD is a fit. 

I start DBT tomorrow. I’m hopeful.

I hope I can learn to stop letting my anxieties control my life. 

I hope I can learn to not ruminate in anger. 

I hope I can become better with my interpersonal skills. 

I hope that I can learn to be at ease during this time of living alone.

I hope that my wife really does need some time alone and that we can create a new and amazing relationship. I love her dearly.

I’m doing okay. Thanks for reading. ",1.7248017902813295,4.393347264492753,3.309215686274513,85.79558823529412,85.41304347826087,6.7253196930946295,24.059676044330768,7.928766900206844,1.6734300085251492,1119,44,216,24,34,368,163,276,0.106,0.6559999999999999,0.239,0.9898,1,2,3,0,2,0,35.0,3,0,0,6,8,25,3,1,13,1,22,7,0,1,1,40,44,11,1,11,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,10,17,1,2,5,2,0,2,5,9,0,1,9,1,40,16,31,31,2,38,0,0,1,1,22,17,0,8,18,135,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423855880617623,0.0,0.15377060576648935,0.0,0.0,0.17966250761557676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635200193126052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666938253196264,0.0,0.05287282253537201,0.09579194158838412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671001782288682,0.0,0.0,0.2184792749608296,0.0,0.08856608494954807,0.09920168021084548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728062543781954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803415192370101,0.09001718792472872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180468439775988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058500939492353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845673100149275,0.07307793907003887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950139018561435,0.07927417605263559,0.0737767070359759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693698656063159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6030316548734344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091839792090209,0.0,0.08869236630335381,0.061263462629204214,0.0,0.0,0.0765885528920507,0.0,0.07283551608251683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828168178361093,0.0,0.0,0.0879356291375063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923101228774163,0.09218552899464603,0.0,0.06431286891624734,0.0,0.08376915845356253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306810958190605,0.0,0.0,0.08299363657280154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675842508962257,0.0,0.11112926422055776,0.0,0.0,0.3724835211174052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904834725652026,0.0,0.0,0.07174804972974579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349024453283295,0.13354560919583253,0.0,0.0,0.12278289284863828,0.0,0.0,0.07251430475932978,0.0,0.09067420544956972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015082678173893,0.06521389064320239,0.0,0.07581017225144719,0.07985389186328748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172754645870093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888733991276756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156542015718781,0.05115852272834419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314407906853772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483105563932266,0.0,0.05585446625920635
bpd,ShowPan69,2019/01/20,"No one understood People around me said my extreme mood swings were just teenage hormones. Normal stuff. But I knew that going from euphoria to extreme depression wasn’t normal.

My psychologist and psychiatrist did nothing. My family did nothing. But I knew that something was up.

I showed the symptoms: fear of abandonment, frequent mood swings, manipulation, etc.

People still aren’t listening, they say I don’t have a disorder and I’m confusing myself.

I hope one day they’ll understand.",5.08642857142857,8.536194785714287,5.386000000000003,71.40900000000002,77.33333333333334,9.074285714285717,32.20952380952381,9.3871,4.12400380952381,398,20,58,12,10,126,61,84,0.213,0.7070000000000001,0.08,-0.8779,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,9,1,0,1,0,16,18,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,9,3,12,1,5,8,1,6,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630154698091893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772228544114364,0.0,0.17057539325172086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697609568887955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208719107062864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669868049314,0.222855064139184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255322398965252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670282334442926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880830213242694,0.380057979150188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26840008739926025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27459816886586363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838562219732755,0.1574928943287332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246429199234807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581585523557869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22671351175490395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058440118034454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617125524797453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sbeegle,2019/01/20,"Trouble with a friend I have had trouble making and keeping friends for years. Over the last 4-5 years I have really only had one close friend and a couple that were in and out of my life briefly.

The problem is, I can’t stand to be her friend anymore because all she does is unknowingly upset me. She goes out with other people and doesn’t invite me, she leaves me on read, and in general I just don’t feel like the friendship is usually reciprocated. We have been on vacations together and I used to think we were very close.

When I lash out and express these feelings to her, she always reassures me but then does the same stuff without any regard.

My bf is getting a little tired of me constantly crying about her but it hurts so bad, especially when I feel like she is my closest and only friend  :( ",7.374430379746838,6.332152613924053,7.497310126582281,76.48748417721522,64.0,10.431645569620251,34.30696202531645,9.516144504307137,2.973592405063292,635,23,124,10,8,206,96,158,0.16399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.127,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,0,5,14,0,1,7,0,17,2,0,2,1,33,25,14,0,1,4,0,3,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,5,17,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,3,25,8,18,19,2,21,0,1,0,0,18,12,0,1,10,90,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781259491670873,0.0,0.0,0.09628472512124156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041729371862213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182201025301874,0.08631075739619964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300637539503065,0.0,0.0,0.15666447754127402,0.1555278177752655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478093027452089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147735077402452,0.20230105372308715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469528575113958,0.0,0.07397390911314854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157292940164574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584995900686066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541315329297325,0.0,0.14992129480343944,0.0,0.0,0.10000782267114468,0.13834553273436132,0.14190841651385094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451111876060933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594372288232138,0.2153681751937656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815932205144254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548063614101954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162635964775974,0.0,0.09070492649926054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208443563681468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072390146433387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273462803446478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228660984502003,0.1559392269611753,0.11682496452713108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364858217502838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235611626625103
bpd,SquareRoutine,2019/01/20,"Seeking a BPD pen pal Despite being a self-described a ""loose cannon"" who pushes nearly everyone away, I am determined to find friendship, even if that means starting online. I am a 22-year-old woman living in midwest America.

Let's start off with long-form messages and then chat. Preference for women, though I'm willing to talk to men as long as you don't make me fall in love with you, haha.",7.467763157894738,6.857672881578949,7.501578947368428,75.12105263157899,63.605263157894754,9.705263157894738,36.10526315789474,8.841846274778883,3.1723263157894745,313,13,55,4,4,101,63,76,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.9255,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,6,1,0,1,0,8,12,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,13,9,0,11,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,4,35,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197608823500917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29459440209775445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449164941338875,0.0,0.0,0.2235056768219858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378438298282815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391830952977667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654186948222966,0.4139960648208884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110785216935685,0.0,0.1561330025074519,0.0,0.0,0.2547904617353957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24544331960293386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440133006195071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33111747476333625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800349562756707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298098842397337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062676398088698
bpd,217545-03058,2019/01/20,"Help No matter how much reassurance I get or how much people tell me I'm not a terrible person I don't believe them. I constantly feel guilty for situations and towards my friends and family even when I haven't done anything wrong. I convince myself I've done terrible things and no one deserves to be around me and when people tell me it's not true it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. I don't want to feel this way, but it makes me feel like I've done something wrong, so I'm constantly seeming suspicious and up to something and then I feel the same way about those around me. Any conversation, compliment, even text messages, I believe that they're only saying these things with an ulterior motive somehow and any situation I'm always feeling like is a set up and someone is plotting against me. 

No matter how hard I try to convince myself this isn't true, even if I say it isn't, it's like my brain physically won't allow me to function as if it's not true, so I only act according to the opposite. It's caused me to complexly isolate myself from everyone I know and I want to talk to them, but I can't reach out or be around them without constantly being paranoid that they're making fun of me, or making a plan of being out to get me somehow. I can't just 'be cool' and hang out, so I don't know how to explain this when in reality I don't know if any of my friends are even actually doing anything wrong. They even ask me to hang out or be around them, but when I am around I feel like all I do is ruin their time and I'm just tagging along awkwardly, so when they invite me I tell myself it's some kind of twisted situation where they're testing me to see what I say or do. 

When I am around them, it's like I follow one person around and constantly need their validation and reassurance and I can tell whether they say it or not that they get extremely tired and annoyed by it. I don't even know what my own personality is honestly and I'm so worried people with think of me as such a boring person (which I feel like I am), because it's like I can't even form my own views or opinions or find a sustaining interest in ANYTHING. It's so frustrating and everyone is tired of me. I keep putting people and situations off thinking I'll figure out my shit and get it together soon enough, so it's like I'm in hiding right now, waiting for this new and improved version of myself to emerge before I can be in contact or see anyone in person who maybe cares about me, because I constantly feel like such an unproductive loser. I always feel like I know what I should be doing, but the minute I'm alone I need someone else around me to tell me what to do. I just feel so fucked up and I don't know what to believe anymore or what to trust including my own emotions. I just feel like I'm always lying to someone and if I try to open up, my thoughts change so quickly that it seems so inconsistent so it's easier to just shut up about it. I'm so confused and I have no idea what to fucking do. ",4.982177345885212,4.904358150882828,6.14818532818533,80.97316602316606,68.61476725521669,9.239147976226633,30.802524836232706,8.994212911058018,2.3384245282200347,2380,87,500,39,37,801,220,623,0.191,0.703,0.106,-0.9952,0,1,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,11,3,53,44,5,2,11,1,43,7,3,10,4,126,95,68,0,9,29,0,12,12,2,2,2,5,0,5,41,42,0,2,27,0,0,5,22,15,0,3,4,21,83,29,70,81,11,56,0,2,3,2,37,31,3,21,29,355,124,2,0.0,0.0,0.04801626980428484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050960784579396505,0.0,0.0,0.12282568315453267,0.0,0.0,0.10038177283781767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879741434519693,0.034404769701569894,0.0,0.12147276541992807,0.35041785831266803,0.04599935044376153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998893269585302,0.0,0.041869209778882116,0.1663090884843864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549282382469799,0.0,0.0,0.05016703264708832,0.05054633932003777,0.05205159349938108,0.0,0.0,0.26586167913795483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510591549721568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110385390422215,0.05534818113494452,0.0,0.050841164131050436,0.0,0.2274926943547269,0.0,0.0,0.09403357734289833,0.0,0.0,0.04638540677076975,0.0,0.27367073117149376,0.24606078267481815,0.0,0.0,0.044971811449627766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603019402654511,0.09097710965803064,0.10282880115783133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407736129497119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032980585058272824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055545631764651666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043735016053577366,0.0,0.05123867553923789,0.16224828022415053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884646515338871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853269708283673,0.0,0.04943230280647905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234160006064608,0.07296868560994509,0.0,0.0475217906618956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002626048379297,0.07484412926201686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364481819336653,0.2148163537169548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946388174870865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202017780731484,0.0,0.15651684195406135,0.0,0.0,0.07841886552311521,0.08958743900935992,0.0,0.0,0.05050747616064312,0.0,0.22123064462661715,0.0,0.0,0.12507185511419974,0.07575970203326997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039548528471852806,0.2150335041131303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537826135592867,0.06305621898167657,0.0,0.03906269427931498,0.02869140557838477,0.11310614045050693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668129390728389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804390667278595,0.07811211865069602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047431160506051125,0.0,0.0,0.04996932470614726,0.0,0.0,0.16139143537546707,0.0,0.0
bpd,dreamlotus33,2019/01/20,"S/O didn't come back when he said he would, feeling betrayed On Friday evening my boyfriend said he would be going to his friend's house and that he'd be back in the morning. I was fine with this, I'm always fine with it as long as I have an idea of when he'll be back, and I trust him. So I did my own thing for a while.

Well, the morning comes around and he's still not back. So I figure he'll be back in the afternoon or evening (this has happened before.) I go out with friends, it comes to the evening and he's not back. So I decide to stay over at my friend's, because I have issues with sleeping alone/completely isolated in a room. 

Now it's Sunday and he's not back yet. I texted him last night and he explained that he agreed to help his friends out with moving stuff from their apartment. I was still really upset because I had to sleep alone last night. I didn't really sleep and I had nightmares. I'm hoping he'll be back today but I'm honestly not sure if he will.

I know this whole thing sounds kind of pathetic. I guess I'm not thinking straight right now because my anxiety is so high. I feel betrayed but at the same time I know he was busy. ",1.7737282229965174,3.328513585365858,2.7932055749128932,95.90109756097564,77.78048780487805,5.986527293844367,22.68989547038328,6.655083550727371,0.3183846689895469,906,27,212,8,21,288,120,246,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.09,-0.8372,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,24,13,0,1,8,0,21,3,3,0,1,42,44,20,0,4,9,0,2,0,4,6,0,3,1,0,11,18,0,0,9,0,0,6,7,1,1,0,10,5,27,12,26,22,3,47,0,0,0,0,27,15,0,4,25,135,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631725461629394,0.0,0.0,0.07738128246033285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114275258796353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827873980938554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5720740506096016,0.0,0.17007104636382211,0.0,0.07913393351651904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403270635793865,0.0975059992504912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427170684582034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404455428665633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873982265783906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570512534625373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244711515107714,0.0,0.08223728922136825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062334193530770424,0.0982568536708203,0.0,0.09236739677708587,0.0,0.10730650769743023,0.0,0.10498273921123794,0.0,0.09706511884098068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684247601065664,0.1022178723397144,0.1516105781544864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822997680690896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884151330130107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454351067940702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191530250724927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941926715401082,0.17692363756396015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791936696547034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912284931438636,0.1485356794656318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645976778037328,0.0,0.0,0.08764894415682653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356667381325005,0.059588975610615026,0.0,0.0,0.0542275288577468,0.0,0.08815065650801174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361582659382033,0.0,0.0,0.10382827032780367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132125362286823,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,myfoothurtssobad,2019/01/20,"Constantly needing reassurance and also I keep throwing self pity parties. Why. I wish I knew where to start. I feel like there’s so much emotional baggage weighing on me lately and I’m exhausted. I’ve had two failed romances in the past couple months and I’m still friends with them. But the thing is I feel like it’s my damn fault for being “too crazy” because that’s how it ended up falling apart. I have major mood swings at the drop of a hat. I just think I cause drama in my friend groups and sometimes I don’t know why they put up with me. I really don’t. I really honestly don’t know how anyone puts up with me...

I feel like I keep asking for reassurance to the point that it gets very redundant. And my friends get tired of it and I get that. And I don’t want to keep pushing cause I feel like I’m already on super thin ice with them for being so dramatic? 

I dunno, I’ve never been diagnosed BPD (not asking for a diagnosis either) so I don’t know if I’m in the right place but I find I relate to so many posts in here that I thought people might get me :/ ",0.10633928571428444,2.3927312410714308,2.2273214285714293,93.34267857142858,89.26785714285714,5.342857142857143,18.714285714285715,6.868970318607317,0.20277857142857147,834,24,184,12,28,279,121,224,0.08900000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.14,0.7627,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,2,14,18,1,0,7,0,12,4,0,4,1,41,39,17,0,4,6,0,5,4,3,1,3,0,0,1,9,11,1,3,11,1,0,5,7,5,0,1,4,5,31,12,24,32,3,31,0,2,0,0,12,16,1,3,12,111,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121128792944239,0.08777931054286252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675048472100111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523156957791228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669119384062051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138245615499639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255185009134403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861734823149375,0.0,0.0,0.12145327173485787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140951946002893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234712444634944,0.09721951980205808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200263566578576,0.3136655511917826,0.0,0.0,0.10032354111014154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544133108106301,0.0,0.2293914593993889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29269345882931425,0.0,0.0,0.18097249684226424,0.0,0.12382009556704116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450322171550795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128483629984663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644369001688537,0.0,0.0,0.08761365495283563,0.0,0.08069016183378261,0.08138961601248675,0.08465780455110884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047834465504547,0.0760974727744675,0.0,0.11468142813138205,0.0,0.1037637348160262,0.0,0.10512486312123616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068898779592408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063698751240752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937390089440682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450919872893042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856073760155556,0.0,0.07769247951655582,0.0,0.0876587501049419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292322100698231,0.07033320399317247,0.0,0.08714142679783435,0.0,0.12615912240944205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722479718263063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056790910620234,0.06474244720832407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809231049384846,0.0,0.12622473513437574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,1234Throwmeaway98765,2019/01/20,"Women with BPD - Does the pushing away ever stop? I don't want to make this a drawn out post laden with emotion over a failed relationship; but would love insight, perspective, and advice.

After years in a long term relationship the one thing that never changed was my BPD partners weekly attempt to push me away. Getting past the intentional vs only being along for the ride; was there ever an end to it? 
Any advice on how you stopped it?
Any advice for people on the side being pushed away?

Thank you for the help, DMs welcome for more in-depth discussion.",6.016071428571429,7.197111211538463,5.748516483516487,80.31076923076924,66.69230769230771,7.865934065934066,28.31868131868132,7.957251820313856,1.8014219780219776,442,14,79,5,7,137,77,104,0.063,0.784,0.153,0.9366,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,7,4,0,0,10,0,6,1,0,3,3,18,11,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,2,0,5,3,19,6,2,26,0,1,0,1,10,9,0,0,12,54,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41771247468833017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379326721083964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016161157938649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589169532505346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073326684625918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469208995446232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602796686054939,0.12620195482411456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577768610601729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444402794598698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550661169275243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609727576724095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860086031564716,0.0,0.0951117556253454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989542477910473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965534642297824,0.1083684412856798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602078898146916,0.09878314397012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646398638390125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059572825831173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23825246889862306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118368128009994,0.0,0.0,0.09466260543036832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840430338930204,0.0,0.11429516972802199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121929037601747,0.0,0.0,0.09175751273791673
bpd,FallenWinter,2019/01/20,"Are there any medications that actually help people with BPD (no medical advice)? Hi all (this is my first post in the sub),

I currently see a psychiatrist who I prescribes me stimulants due to my ADHD (or rather god knows what since I was diagnosed as an adult, brain damage/other disorder more like). For a long time I thought I had some sort of mild form of schizophrenia/miscellaneous psychotic disorder, then I thought I had dp/dr, now I think BPD sort of fits the bill for every problem I have including the dissociation, emotional instability, withdrawal, can't handle more than 1-2 people in a room, suicidal desires and the past excessively self-destructive drug-use. I'm pretty sure I unleashed my 'BPD' through the relentless drug use I indulged in and now am left mentally and cognitively damaged.

I really can't handle anything past the lowest dose of stimulants without it making me feel really anxious, physically active symptoms/anxiety. I know it's documented that schizophrenics experience a sensitisation to stimulants and given that BPD seems to be nearing sz on that 'spectrum' I suspect that's the reason why I'm so sensitive (I wasn't 5 years ago though). The dexedrine gives me an awful comedown too and ruins my sleep but when I'm on it I feel like it assuages some of my cognitive difficulties (my speech is clearer, thoughts are more coherent), I deem it not to be worth the comedown though and thus I rely mainly on methylphenidate to allay some of the fatigue/emptiness that I experience most of the time (it doesn't really help me cognitively much though). I was also wondering whether or not an alpha blocker has helped anyone with the 'physical' symptom of the anxiety, I've tried propranolol but it doesn't do much for the anxiety.


Someone on the dp/dr forum said that they had BPD, and concurrently took an antipsychotic alongside adderall, but I thought that was a big no no from most psychiatrists? Seems like a counter-intuitive combo or does it actually work?

I really don't have much faith in therapy, I've already had CBT but due to the dissociation/damage I'm unable to follow the logical chain from symptom to feeling. It was a complete dead end despite 6/7 sessions. My therapist thought I was autistic. I now have a talking therapy which is a little better, and she seems to think that part of me is damaged (emotionally-speaking).

Quite frankly, I want to live a more fulfilling/happy life than I would have without medication, I don't want my psychiatrist to take away stimulants and any other helpful medication, whilst concurrently associating me with the stigma of BPD (and assuming I'm some sort of violent criminal, which I'm not, I internalise my emotions and withdraw, and I'd physically harm someone).",8.464678068410464,8.772768792756539,8.830689134808852,63.3656312877264,61.273641851106646,12.492354124748493,40.888832997987926,11.966068795916392,5.360164185110664,2218,115,356,67,28,737,250,497,0.135,0.7929999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9862,5,0,3,0,0,0,67.0,0,0,1,4,12,12,1,0,32,1,32,13,2,8,2,73,65,28,2,6,14,0,3,3,0,1,11,2,1,1,24,15,0,1,20,0,2,2,15,6,0,1,18,6,45,6,46,44,17,36,1,3,1,0,12,15,0,17,21,236,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.1280347916008152,0.0,0.07884000214520642,0.06410482120726775,0.05815158530271905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239265463638966,0.05246132779738952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922225333341388,0.0,0.15055442154547613,0.07411078487340926,0.0,0.04586994717383743,0.0,0.053984271959999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061634571282872724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058019009846065527,0.0,0.0,0.4957351685557174,0.07323273512933752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878170429808474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658392830834857,0.0,0.0,0.15036952321021935,0.0,0.057408130832976564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521533384055481,0.0,0.0,0.14758524279335866,0.05810327131870235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055271916064785,0.0,0.0,0.1283412987610916,0.0,0.0,0.09950994974943636,0.04686557458145522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055800423639759386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293073488494381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983379290359149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588464710068344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210550656670689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127599337619647,0.0,0.04633613108648476,0.09614842972466586,0.06574972651372908,0.05792714081489931,0.05805507717106504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378937038177793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643455916999974,0.06611067058761147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467348867770344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103980411588573,0.12524770821797312,0.09095934882798816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282790181139453,0.06674009587378567,0.0,0.06277157474524163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977504678508675,0.0,0.0,0.16810346439718546,0.06744905185218708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240184919803547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227573458823969,0.17916285142047667,0.0684364524303421,0.0,0.0,0.05426606487456899,0.0,0.06564866632378083,0.0,0.11116752002286884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717571635831435,0.0,0.061828439330658035,0.1363697168929642,0.049324005791057585,0.05272783185420122,0.0,0.0,0.15004158432070422,0.07616815374271847,0.0,0.08406931535250041,0.19335880262509356,0.2604004820555709,0.0765052793341966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288544681539409,0.044538969631005794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891027442395257,0.0566584516346596,0.0,0.0,0.07738668085670555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919496046785167,0.0,0.0,0.12647460486893444,0.07114180048602803,0.04775852032334152,0.0,0.0,0.04660127412131411,0.0,0.0,0.04224507984500523
bpd,hellokthnxbye,2019/01/20,"Those of you who have a healthy romantic relationship with your partner, how did you achieve that? Non-BP partner here. Throwaway account.

I tried looking on another sub for loved ones and it turned out to be pretty pessimistic. Looking for real advice on what worked for you long term. There are a lot of posts about BP people leaving/getting left but not much about those who are happily with their partners.

Tips about communication, how to de-escalate, how to give enough love and reassurance, how to ask for emotional connection, literally anything else that made your relationship stronger.

I have started to read the Eggshells book, but I felt like I conversation would be more helpful to me.

Thank you!

",6.4967741935483865,8.936308677419355,5.613741935483869,76.90061290322583,67.06451612903226,8.830967741935485,35.78709677419355,9.3871,3.598925161290324,572,29,95,12,10,172,88,124,0.012,0.7170000000000001,0.27,0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,6,1,2,9,5,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,5,0,17,19,8,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,12,5,20,13,5,8,0,0,2,2,21,4,0,1,4,67,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891618349855125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812581296299061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224853944990112,0.0,0.16160018404905216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440182941645205,0.1944435339173434,0.0,0.17860994560978788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597211076804366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031189045248007,0.16582246641253706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115863997296621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781221988355148,0.0,0.0,0.08445036058446477,0.0,0.0,0.1529751098867177,0.2903166834023512,0.0,0.0,0.14695886159284807,0.3120246748966383,0.16356372294737254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707153222191633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713398811056172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983892762027748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655515012964312,0.175860131406921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290615611685398,0.19675181580036116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37117256212725536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235075739004495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591456907935905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736017081620735,0.18802136535078728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584368586683214,0.0,0.0,0.12279434249244488,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HennyAndLean,2019/01/20,"I love my gf. She has BPD. It hurts because I am not perfect. I posted recently and deleted the post because I was afraid to ask for help.

I am trying to reach out because my gf has BPD and CPTSD. I am her FP and bf. I have anxiety and depression. 

I wont make this long but, I am struggling heavily right now because its hard to feel the love when shes very negative towards me. I am not perfect. I argue as well but she wakes up from her sleep and she tells me I need to work on something, or I did something wrong. Her mood swings are fast and its hard to keep track of what triggers her. We have been together for 3 years technically. We broke up after 2 years due to her falling in love with someone who used her. She came back to me after her 2 places to live were deemed unacceptable living conditions. She says she cant control it at all. She can be manic one second and mad the next. Ive tried to introduce her to things like CBD bud / oil, apps on her phone to lessen her anxiety about things or her depressive moods. I am madly in love with this woman and I made big life decisions like moving out of my parents house and leasing a car, etc. She cant hold a job because all the jobs she holds are too much stress for her. 

I [24/m] apologize for lengthy post. I am desperate. Someone said on the previous post to try medication but shes very very against medication. I dont know what to do. Its constant fighting. Im frustrated with the negativity but when i express it to her she just gets upset and says she cant help it. 

Ive done research, ive made surprises to keep her mind occupied with something when shes down or anxious, ive changed mt habits and ways... im stuck and scared and my anxiety flares daily because I dont know what yo do. I am scared because I dont want to lose her at all....

Anybody any suggestions? Anything? Please?",1.3493437521141978,3.5259538416886542,2.9889182058047514,90.9422583045802,81.8232189973615,6.420161017522495,24.493674311616264,7.61054688173877,1.191028360733374,1442,56,313,24,39,475,192,379,0.21,0.6779999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.9907,3,0,3,0,2,0,46.0,2,0,0,5,9,29,5,6,8,0,37,9,2,6,5,55,57,24,0,2,10,1,3,2,4,1,3,3,0,1,15,22,0,5,5,0,0,4,11,17,1,2,10,7,64,10,45,45,5,40,0,5,0,4,55,16,0,3,17,201,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255879674352072,0.0,0.17737635948908725,0.08731394989786834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360180944297987,0.0,0.07225426813930944,0.0,0.0,0.059430047781889164,0.0,0.3298002548522395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468419584644286,0.0,0.0,0.08839739761094964,0.0,0.0,0.0817609326544888,0.0,0.0,0.08352135787607003,0.08668556932091809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313685850390874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909291894313382,0.2717444654749377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861970527009005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03907936288266698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040380025476584286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847054148183038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360963853631673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918049504913379,0.08273888488760521,0.0,0.16696957883056535,0.0,0.15339372283858793,0.1373950521703834,0.0,0.0,0.0849514223669325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459111835149392,0.07551846594777532,0.0,0.13649423574391595,0.06839784665740334,0.0,0.08646600660404713,0.0,0.0,0.27902337684490763,0.14626440143305633,0.05159064093174368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557199656490033,0.0,0.0,0.07803930264778969,0.0,0.0,0.08214539152154951,0.0568159041158536,0.05730840680326363,0.0,0.0,0.08219714403398684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237265436899638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085819677922476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807499808713212,0.0848395094752936,0.0,0.0,0.2960838847041581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631302082169554,0.0,0.0,0.06600391451751356,0.07351901539996414,0.12292575610054512,0.15475844426440905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734426739708053,0.0,0.13097250676979,0.17850127573731175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853365903461045,0.08079866969134511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755351245283754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269402460950998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742135383562655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675240608731511,0.0,0.19131319814494346,0.04558673063999006,0.06134797460691512,0.0,0.0,0.06949159906131211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562669125395371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450278778946346,0.0,0.09954245637308554
bpd,keepitswoozy,2019/01/20,"I have feelings for a friend with quiet BPD... I'm fairly sure she feels the same. I want to tell her and ask her out but I'm really scared if we end up in a relationship she'll split on me after 5 months. 

This is what I've read in other places. Should I be scared? How likely I this to happen?

Thanks and sorry if I'm saying anything wrong here just figured you guys could give me the most accurate answer.",0.28604651162790873,2.5005892325581414,2.1709767441860457,94.81530232558138,86.90697674418604,4.835348837209303,14.413953488372092,6.2581,-0.7076613953488371,318,5,71,3,10,105,66,86,0.163,0.7390000000000001,0.098,-0.8311,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,20,16,6,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,12,4,10,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,3,4,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036957949166806,0.0,0.19354684068239347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607493785987956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652980928742808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336877653907327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936305678822634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599523005036575,0.0,0.0,0.19860382385806505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049940896625788,0.18307758895728046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011453086009524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525085445318033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163042279062976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708788450881765,0.0,0.13262991006742847,0.0,0.0,0.22227473678468576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464004372643526,0.41455001521222135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317552159200014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951250767481965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809549698439502,0.1906071199273314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211275429982743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263568371348215,0.0,0.0
bpd,latrance124,2019/01/20,Feel like the ground has become unstable Sometimes it feels as if the ground moves out from underneath and there's nothing solid to stand on,6.083846153846152,8.156432769230769,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,67.46153846153847,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.2670615384615385,116,4,20,2,2,34,24,26,0.139,0.773,0.08800000000000001,-0.1139,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501308871152955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121609639955239,0.2911692817602813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991189302263648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331841829019219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910760086607833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030988022077625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ginalinettiv,2019/01/20,"Recently told my parents that I am bpd I am a 20 year old male, with pretty religious and somewhat old-school parents. They have always been a pretty big part of my life, but not really in the best ways. I had known since I was 15 that there was something that was wrong, and I told them many times over the years. One time I told my mom about how I want to see a psychologist, during a breakdown, and she said I should drink some herbal tea and read religious script. The usual response my parents had when I would tell them that something is up is that *I'm their great son who has no issues.*

Over the past 5 months I have been seeing a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with BPD, and also was on prozac for two months for my depression. Prozac didn't help much. I had suspected that I had bpd since I was 17 years old. 

When I told my parents I had bpd they reacted strangely. At first they made it seem like a small issue we need to solve. then I started crying and hung up. They then understood what this means and started talking more, but they kept asking questions instead of offering support or showing affection. 

My dad decided to ask me some funny questions for someone like himself. He asked my if I masturbated, which I felt no need to answer, but gave an awkward yes. Then asked if I had any female friends, which had me talking about my ex. I'm not sure what these questions even were implying. 

In the end they started telling me about how they love me and want to support me, and then end the conversation with ***It'd be best if we keep this between us, you understand why.*** I have siblings, relatives I care about, etc. but I'll pretend to be sane still, for the rest of my life with them. At least my counselor is nice. ",2.4688235294117646,4.79427581395349,3.1744870041039697,90.32372777017784,78.65116279069767,6.3726402188782485,24.65253077975376,7.510576382923642,1.1557112859097125,1376,50,281,20,34,432,184,344,0.086,0.728,0.18600000000000005,0.9917,4,0,3,0,0,0,45.0,3,1,11,3,13,15,0,1,15,1,31,8,0,5,1,55,64,27,0,9,10,8,1,2,1,2,5,1,0,1,16,16,2,2,12,4,0,0,5,3,0,3,27,4,55,12,31,32,11,37,0,1,2,1,50,11,0,11,27,196,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058821659517857075,0.061203394943019615,0.0,0.0,0.05001971192249551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27505482632225914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543822196933088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705582317503205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499390925486084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079637378885672,0.0,0.0,0.06335254725416177,0.0746564626698216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205559424885566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302952474089856,0.0,0.08203292335071807,0.04858217944669165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062403791536828,0.0,0.0,0.06256558226979217,0.0,0.0,0.056828171516211036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109430608441086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049302158659286055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354397380686988,0.0,0.0653787886609679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039077065174711,0.07187021289642015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663859800554924,0.06959922674694433,0.0,0.07457291142807118,0.0,0.08012262138656198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614636467451665,0.1174213046076324,0.0,0.05407116092020249,0.1090797421799732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315498237390436,0.0,0.04984256197753554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32669511731109285,0.07965256209408833,0.07021627508783833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966312750750868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471942618436776,0.0,0.07357459556842881,0.0,0.04712101828956894,0.0,0.07262638328772582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996735463859444,0.0,0.0,0.07444127380953866,0.11722713053970048,0.06696142782358945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169040035561872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232265067216936,0.11325198879962255,0.0,0.0,0.15618716582386716,0.0,0.05874087094721516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669379825163889,0.06932442542960987,0.0,0.0,0.11824094824366894,0.1285800833201228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578066322863044,0.0,0.0,0.28113863603501565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718522448255983,0.0765730269856223,0.08847723627112182,0.0,0.08101009999449904,0.0,0.08676892453333425,0.05838428972871704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637166758837246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225114183249215,0.08042050738914222,0.0,0.14210042753080493
bpd,zgarbas,2019/01/20,"Anyone in grad school here? Oh hey! 

I'm going through some down times as recently various happenings during my Ph.D have really exacerbated my BPD issues. But in the end, drama (not caused by me) aside, I keep going back to the same issue regarding the writing and theorising act in itself. 

I think the hardest thing is that to successfully defend a thesis one must be sure of one's self, which I am physically incapable of being. I can be sure of myself for a minute, but the moment I am challenged I definitely go back and rethink, which in grad school is a sign of not having built up your thesis. Next thing I know I have a million projects that I started but never got even around to pitching since I need to build myself up so much before I pitch, otherwise it all comes apart after the frist few sentences... 

not to mention the linear expression of ideas, which gives me a really rough time. I never know where to start and just end up with a lot of haphazard material ,which make sense to me, but rarely to a reader. I had colleagues hear my presentations for months before they understood what I was getting at, even though I thought I had expressed everything quite clearly. I think that so many papers that I read tend to be superficial since people just don't question themselves as much... 

​

Anyone successfully get their Ph.D around here and can give some tips to a struggling peer?",7.92686688311688,7.50817951136364,7.810497835497838,72.6518181818182,62.59848484848485,10.724675324675324,33.62987012987013,10.125756701596842,3.255868831168831,1117,39,200,21,14,359,160,264,0.028999999999999998,0.9,0.07200000000000001,0.8955,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,2,4,14,6,0,1,15,0,18,0,0,2,7,43,42,13,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,13,8,0,1,9,2,0,5,6,1,0,3,6,2,29,5,35,31,9,34,0,0,0,0,13,13,0,4,16,147,42,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121367398025028,0.13593718336661564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644753463190642,0.0,0.0,0.19918026809778375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720459052279703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039030645199528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089934283288574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149237480715772,0.0,0.09636814711949937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981714414758344,0.0,0.0,0.14778130012322446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054367907460716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689739947280603,0.21463635630561628,0.19073895022562026,0.0,0.08947455980058422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989283737132141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260882997659123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629029673108,0.0,0.2335313929273582,0.0,0.099437309100151,0.0,0.0,0.12296426561158275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951098945200754,0.0,0.0,0.07467568049893017,0.11342103143918228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929546417386366,0.0,0.16447813891774174,0.08295195018036752,0.17256574805379296,0.0,0.11897754234004412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161523617101105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755822031978936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532266568493464,0.1189900438187001,0.11190265147607806,0.0,0.14333661900869996,0.0,0.11046047612257363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644163665966835,0.0,0.0,0.11670728790142892,0.0,0.0,0.18508397299057025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583676888033927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695329876967962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087678315306468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864607286106554,0.1433666042304998,0.10991404261353016,0.08881417124846858,0.1304673656239473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593718336661564,0.0
bpd,ilikenoodles93,2019/01/20,Dont let people live in your head rent free One thing i came up with that has helped me more then any therapist is not letting people live in my head rent free. Dwelling for hours on that one person at night while you're laying in bed? STOP. YOU ARE PRIME REAL ESTATE. Do not let them live in your head rent free what does it do for you? Nothing. ,0.7979166666666693,3.0428262916666715,1.3588888888888917,101.35000000000002,84.69444444444446,4.155555555555557,14.555555555555555,5.148860815047168,-1.2421444444444445,271,4,63,1,8,82,50,72,0.037000000000000005,0.8170000000000001,0.145,0.8140000000000001,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,9,3,3,0,0,6,10,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,8,6,10,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576111340892368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787711616396318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360994058944476,0.0,0.18227203951915186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478835034361112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424392690123596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315903045130988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770990464153543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119895214673914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594799369119485,0.0,0.14922871093870513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107730991360116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564041811519716,0.13579686494035167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701945714397027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002436434351994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057442947621988,0.10332270767294632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,poopycarrot,2019/01/20,"i think this sub inspired me to seek help i was laying in bed and scrolling through memes on instagram when i saw a meme that was like “relatable bpd things” and i resonated with every single thing on there. fear of abandonment, mood swings, disordered eating, everything. it prompted me to look up what bpd was and what the symptoms were (i had heard of it before but didn’t really know what it was) and i fit 7 of the 9 “criteria”

i found this sub and i found out what a favorite person is (who i think might be my ex that i’ve been desperately trying to get over for 4 months)

all of this prompted me to talk to my roommate about how i’ve been feeling lately and i’m going to go see my campus’s counselor this coming wednesday when i have time. 

i’ve known that something was wrong with me for years and years. when i was in elementary and middle school, i tried therapy but i never got anywhere with it. now that i’m 20 and in college, i think it’s time i did something. 

wish me luck",3.909019189765458,4.80945771641791,4.744609097370294,86.61772388059704,71.33830845771143,7.931911869225303,26.794953802416487,8.192908349453996,1.529593887704336,775,25,164,11,14,251,116,201,0.06,0.826,0.113,0.8555,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,16,2,0,1,2,32,35,15,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,20,14,1,1,9,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,17,5,23,3,25,16,2,25,0,1,3,0,6,10,0,2,13,108,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246151767390263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688884552315129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615068391979106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678403651263725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985131972763366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338748405258305,0.0,0.13161666233289268,0.0,0.0,0.16479301585419934,0.07404774559404555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211420349229417,0.0,0.0,0.0765122466952341,0.0,0.1664578303123857,0.0,0.11712663623457845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815999532109844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048316102498386,0.0,0.1651980195366969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154635774056706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297816815112897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535658319629728,0.0,0.0,0.11689219117702405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294856126642015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787142640735186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381737150282543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821166633572186,0.11669889207899267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254833255375562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221397652167076,0.0,0.11770814140786814,0.0,0.0,0.16747432431051906,0.0,0.1945850814186737,0.2815109927221382,0.0,0.0,0.17078825207944798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988551074879616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684062362030148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011624731469473,0.0,0.1886134763110444
bpd,bextux,2019/01/20,"My best friend just told me that he is not coming back home after rehab and I’m devastated.  I know he is doing what is best for him, and I fully support his decision. I am incredibly proud of him for getting the help he needed, but I am just so sad. I feel selfish for thinking of myself but I miss him so much.",1.268636363636361,2.9798082878787886,3.8969696969696974,86.71545454545458,79.75757575757575,6.218181818181819,21.60606060606061,7.1686216300943375,0.6429878787878796,241,7,52,3,6,85,45,66,0.188,0.638,0.174,-0.6236,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,16,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,13,5,6,15,3,3,0,2,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190434864299488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5978961718156762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453858451077813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403622767890698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008587691202808,0.0,0.14883012705933946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093890464326468,0.0,0.2857426715812247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655427201344674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940844213823454,0.2112236771877222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232612566248366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252989390628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722005723339493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SATURNER13,2019/01/20,I AM STRONG! I will take back my life! I will be allowed basic human rights and stop being scared to stand up for my needs. I come first.....,-0.7515517241379293,1.4073075517241378,0.6650862068965537,103.20728448275864,94.17241379310344,2.9000000000000004,10.698275862068963,3.1291,-2.034524137931035,105,1,25,0,4,33,24,29,0.179,0.6940000000000001,0.127,-0.1658,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,5,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,3,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31129663197314505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487334335338265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443563224676851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859501533775681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001834036391169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457307717764753,0.0,0.0,0.4053150238556212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384639992273877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043889658120996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,principalezwider,2019/01/20,"I’m her fp, boyfriend, and obsession. How can I help her through our separation while keeping my independence? She’s an amazing girl. But she’s not willing to seek any sort of help, so that’s where I draw the line. This heart break will be much easier sooner than later.

I’m extremely worried about her when reality sets in. I’m her world, her air, her everything. She’s the most special girl I’ll probably ever meet but it’s exhausting. I’ve been crying in bed every single day, not eating, started having anxiety, and recently hit a personal low. 

She is 100% textbook. Our relationship is 100% textbook. Her ending our relationship years from now could be the death of me, I’m a lonely codependent with a giant heart. We lived the fairytale, but it’s time for me to think about myself for change. 

How can I help her through this while keeping a safe distance? I know she’s going to be an absolute wreck and I do care about her very much ",2.776448087431696,5.1618094043715885,4.108333333333333,83.71583333333336,77.90710382513663,7.563934426229508,26.0136612021858,8.515128840125781,2.0167792349726783,743,29,143,16,18,244,112,183,0.146,0.742,0.11199999999999999,-0.8253,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,10,0,13,4,2,3,1,22,25,12,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,5,5,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,27,4,17,17,4,22,0,2,0,0,27,7,0,2,12,93,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193409595670856,0.0,0.12591905747252935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678213470663165,0.0,0.1741256773041659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142023657236726,0.0,0.18080610041595727,0.10615381124421344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842757193214994,0.0,0.0,0.14578733228990626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889072420630822,0.1386831586372817,0.0,0.14793246334322982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093546350607945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901051588600219,0.3309850664549411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29260926631682393,0.0,0.0,0.09046022028701917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534540198716167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420008545555261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372295091185167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746735548516998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252329818518912,0.3534390262387492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165051972152107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546945924484324,0.0,0.0,0.09597997089568787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358127862239084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671599642572545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599743100858758
bpd,chulieo,2019/01/20,"DAE avoid conflict for fear that your emotions might make everything worse? Having an issue with my roommate I'm really angry about that I just don't want to face because I'm afraid I might blow up, and that her perception of me will change. So clearly the only option is to just not talk to her, or anyone at all, really... Ugh.",3.8375384615384647,5.352196138461544,4.729230769230772,84.31076923076925,72.23076923076924,7.661538461538463,23.76923076923077,8.238735603445708,1.3707538461538462,259,7,50,4,5,84,53,65,0.251,0.708,0.040999999999999995,-0.9249,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,2,0,6,1,1,1,2,16,10,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,0,9,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,0,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698794539008028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430008740181114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677682387542547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28472682552805584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22748864944715025,0.0,0.0,0.2848312664256474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641923473932917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689600963442256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370423268242553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925097708471147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32431132593043394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034489071762316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492972031718206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25795171507375464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Scottysewell,2019/01/20,"I keep relapsing Hey I’m a male with bpd. I struggle with communication and haven’t really learnt cooping mechanisms, and always bail on therapists. 

Recently I’ve been slipping into old habits coboozing biweekly solo and intensely (Cocaine and liquor)

I do this as a way to escape and then to a point of self destruction ",4.598333333333333,7.597772396551727,6.0834482758620725,68.66471264367817,75.0344827586207,10.763218390804601,32.08045977011494,10.504223727775694,4.7293701149425305,261,13,40,10,6,88,46,58,0.11199999999999999,0.857,0.032,-0.6486,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,8,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554743320637773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866947120959696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729032005471227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221773161128883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902434729352452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966918777120165,0.0,0.3031560059358404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32030022416833565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320975394825331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356486577721326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24370686357102506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheFarseeker,2019/01/20,"DAE feel like the perfect analogy will make everything better? I spend so much time thinking about how to explain my thought processes that I've gotten to the point where the more poetic yet practical they are, the better people will understand me, and the easier life will be. I constantly daydream about using these analogies so others will somehow suddenly click and realise that I don't mean to do a lot of the shit I do. It's such a thoroughly bizarre behaviour to me, and I was wondering if anyone else does it too.",11.005714285714284,8.190913346938776,10.340510204081637,64.56341836734697,58.38775510204083,14.69795918367347,43.88775510204081,13.023866798666859,5.702930612244897,420,19,72,12,4,136,71,98,0.025,0.7909999999999999,0.184,0.9452,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,10,5,1,0,8,0,10,2,1,3,1,17,20,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,9,4,7,12,3,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,4,5,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907815340540007,0.23310776190623245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024228287747424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458541960627919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909287030036746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005286864718185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446858228102416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503435275107002,0.1625310147937816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069489117250915,0.1111484068604037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934182782289793,0.0,0.0,0.1518626597218204,0.0,0.0,0.24782177098682995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724378991431596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772467746340635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506761012630327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335326209271429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577727104904786,0.0,0.1806151102563424,0.1326611355810523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368427646150621,0.0,0.19649296361064006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467215889384673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,d0paminequeen,2019/01/20,"My ex boyfriend and fp texted me again? I went through some really hard times, had a stalker and felt seriously threatened (probably because u know...he said he would kill me and above mentioned bf). While I was terrified I turned to my bf for support and help; got no answer. The police came to my house because stalker told them I was going to harm myself. I took care of it but seriously freaked because I thought I was safe at home since the guy didn't know my address. Again, no answer. 

Now, a week later and after I'd broken it off with him for never being there when I needed him he's texted me. I don't want him in my life but I can't help how much I love him. Deep down I do want him. I always will. How do I stop myself from letting him back in and allowing myself to be abused and hurt when I give unconditional love?",2.5117226890756257,4.071442911764708,3.861008403361346,89.0088235294118,75.76470588235293,6.504201680672269,23.907563025210084,7.1686216300943375,0.8042268907563028,645,20,139,7,14,212,104,170,0.215,0.653,0.132,-0.8681,0,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,1,0,4,0,14,3,0,3,1,27,33,14,1,4,2,1,2,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,2,9,0,2,5,0,0,4,6,6,0,0,13,3,33,5,16,15,2,23,0,1,0,2,21,6,0,1,13,93,35,0,0.0,0.18730064304962826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131536412111604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155486069566153,0.0,0.28909491457744946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808030407764956,0.1611745518821529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178296179272538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164611070738793,0.08984131877745168,0.0,0.12643215934670762,0.0,0.0,0.1565254676946606,0.0,0.0,0.14160990953641855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191729855630076,0.0,0.15856856190959984,0.0,0.0,0.18240474401521672,0.1692294386761727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489367887041116,0.0,0.17375483778186745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164897093704664,0.1116575879391843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853493221786677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620803899480073,0.11721537615495373,0.12192214303343515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043851687550882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101271010972931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037163874110482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076659118423914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216315260401154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938893165811126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254989963243031,0.09217855218777153,0.0,0.0,0.15105357931706415,0.1756342835807098,0.0,0.17194719993131166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864810444996243,0.0,0.12680338657974996,0.0,0.0,0.14654306792544247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229651119483254,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,13RAnC1-1,2019/01/20,"Does anyone else with borderline personality disorder suck at communicating? I'm wondering if some of my repetitive behaviors over the years are related to the BPD or if it's just me being an asshole. Specifically, does anyone else find it nearly impossible to respond to messages from friends/family? I feel like I am constantly making up excuses for why I never answered, which I'm sure that nobody is buying anymore. Thankfully, the majority of my friends have accepted it and work around it. However, I have had numerous people that I really care about in my life end the relationship because of it. It doesn't matter how much I like the person or how important what they're saying is, I usually just won't answer despite really trying to force myself. Sometimes it feels like the more they contact me about the issue, the less likely I am to ever respond. 

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How did you fix this??

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bpd,9bluelotus9,2019/10/17,"Remembering to Control Oneself I know now I have BPD. I have known for about 8 months. I denied it for maybe 5, because it was hard to imagine. I'm trying to change, but with my baseline being mean and untrusting...I struggle to remember to be nice, trusting of my SO, and not falling victim to my black and white thinking. It feels like my personality just goes from an okay to deal with person to this monster who wants to attack their FP and hate on me, the personality who means well.

Anyone struggle to remember? I don't know what I should make my practice so I don't forget and get myself into trouble.",4.13985060690943,5.629138092436974,5.333053221288517,80.3774696545285,71.43697478991595,7.305695611577962,29.188608776844074,7.793537801064563,1.9091169000933703,479,19,90,6,9,159,81,119,0.159,0.672,0.16899999999999998,0.0998,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,11,3,2,2,1,8,0,0,2,0,27,19,8,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,1,11,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,4,16,5,19,15,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,3,64,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065160793298852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330290032192636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286191957353894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918604293001823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115008792440846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085650400878116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570505564594437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702508472089814,0.10882805774858527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795886793933747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646211711549205,0.15039914086390252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674385154287147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442312013996025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168470505785793,0.0,0.15304084674496662,0.33187465221368034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159223560947564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990387839653712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176971172462829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185069519683529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761003025967648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342537357866054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985105003468179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696733800801825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,putitinthebagg,2019/10/17,"Motivation to take your pills every day? It’s like, I *know* I need to take my meds, I *know* I’ll feel better on them, but I haven’t taken them in months.  Is anyone else like this?  If not and you’re good at it.. How do you find motivation to take your meds?",-3.246547619047618,-3.356484464285714,-0.226857142857142,103.33852380952385,134.71428571428572,2.9219047619047624,7.3047619047619055,5.2151,-2.0161438095238093,194,2,50,2,15,66,40,56,0.054000000000000006,0.732,0.214,0.8009,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,2,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,12,11,4,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,6,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,27,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591116726110919,0.2331568798199901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012538114522228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675408130942644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009291450552335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172481232993085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505859152961345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079810503650725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086224859223055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501164370392493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223436536700037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055243767115165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181632145175264,0.0,0.0,0.16872907036348367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132788815878941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pru_Ravenclaw,2019/10/17,"Been on Abilify for a month and it has changed my life Was on anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds but they weren’t helping with my mood instability - currently facing what may be the end of my relationship and I feel like for once I’m experiencing the situation from a sound and stable place. I’m giving him space to really consider if this is what he wants because I don’t do the “break up and get back together”, I’m not having the racing thoughts, I feel sad but not devastated by the situation. Abilify has really made a difference in my mood and I feel like I’m handling what would have once left me in bed and calling out sick really well. Like, for once in my life I feel like I’m handling this with what I would think is a healthy way.",7.873085714285715,6.024268213333336,8.81514285714286,70.02900000000002,63.53333333333333,13.104761904761903,36.095238095238095,12.031772070788634,4.165323809523809,592,22,121,17,7,204,86,150,0.054000000000000006,0.741,0.20600000000000002,0.9735,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,9,0,15,4,1,1,0,26,30,10,0,4,5,0,4,4,0,3,3,1,1,0,7,10,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,5,6,14,5,16,21,0,16,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,2,8,75,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561970346162328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616382095415734,0.0,0.08416342649541117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098027726155296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605495602548116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189155834139786,0.0,0.0,0.14424902606063605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228502272803528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792401917161048,0.29590198913693505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213350745659007,0.132444975490051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254237145377604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000853260332633,0.0,0.19503944319968647,0.26980725060279914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306408820559456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533596079108923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020253760775044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411056454332953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424902606063605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653448183457253,0.0,0.0,0.1482306407481074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31038273662854937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846677566760172,0.0,0.10960855781043484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143458890208316,0.10958994036100192,0.0,0.0,0.12413743478112195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961554912742413,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,planning_mydemise,2019/10/17,"My FP is acting distant towards me for no reason and it's freaking me out! My FP is the light of my whole world, I love him more than life itself, we're tighter than tight best friends forever, everything was great with us up until this week. Monday he randomly quit initiating contact and when I initiated, he acted uninterested. I even confronted him about it directly and he literally said, ""nothing is wrong, I just don't feel like talking."" Subtext: he doesn't feel like talking to *me* specifically? I'm freaking out and I've been working on a suicide plan for weeks now because my overall mental health has been abysmal and I feel like this might push me over the edge even though it's fucking stupid and I'm definitely overreacting. Essentially he was the only thing keeping me alive for these past few weeks and now I don't have him either. I'm one step from leaving him a goodbye voicemail and then, well, you know. Can someone please tell me something encouraging or something? Even though intellectually I know that it very likely has nothing to do with me and things will probably go back to normal in a week or two, emotionally the pain is unreal. I've been starved for attention from him all week and it was already starting to take a toll on me before he said this. Please say something to help me cope with this, anybody. Thank you in advance to whoever read this <3 <3 <3",5.080454545454543,6.813469166666668,5.5148181818181845,79.0347272727273,69.45454545454545,8.31030303030303,32.13939393939394,8.841846274778883,2.71518393939394,1116,50,205,20,20,357,155,264,0.107,0.748,0.145,0.9023,0,0,3,0,0,1,33.0,1,2,0,5,13,18,3,0,8,0,20,5,0,1,1,32,37,17,1,1,4,0,4,4,1,2,3,3,0,0,15,15,0,2,7,1,0,6,4,7,1,2,8,8,28,11,29,27,6,30,0,0,0,2,25,10,1,4,18,133,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376341691913935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927057020985236,0.0,0.06284328078194494,0.0,0.08772279778981082,0.0,0.10818758238052843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596343297081912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427178278260136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265149043424907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637763192699944,0.22094456656042047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964780529336246,0.09530591377506946,0.0,0.0,0.058588957505570964,0.0,0.0,0.11365812640248292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958084954000526,0.0,0.0,0.0690996846927778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163196510905183,0.0,0.0,0.11331217023212492,0.0,0.0,0.10915842136892344,0.0,0.0,0.07281618039410731,0.20146010580451776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304359919728487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389142128629378,0.10936319708140868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100723390691836,0.1978370765472756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985708964041971,0.07840530609103921,0.10969602968252122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984119681736718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263257911927902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111494706268488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964990547499764,0.1031188388790662,0.0,0.0,0.10599465712649657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961261849699565,0.08198205405563358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734861977192382,0.23809332886309495,0.0,0.0,0.07296829865044903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276475712413735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751155781085982,0.16572118673091174,0.09010602635669912,0.0949122877739013,0.0,0.0,0.13697808081556442,0.0,0.2025726522348651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007048696635916,0.0,0.12400570877785284,0.0,0.0,0.08506082288698022,0.0,0.0,0.4134666726279208,0.0,0.09269113668899598,0.0,0.0,0.1150973540438305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505143285979726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271376050339064,0.0,0.0
bpd,hurtstobealive,2019/10/17,I think I have BPD I’m diagnosed with anxiety and depression but i took a test online and I scored 100/100 for having BPD. I dissociate a lot from my anxiety. I’ve never had a relationship last longer than a few months. My interests are always changing. Like for 6 months I spent everyday working out and going to college and the past 6 months I’ve been like fuck college and I hate the gym. I feel like I have multiple personalities or something idk. Does this seem like BPD to any of you?,1.5487800687285258,4.179551979381447,3.4985824742268044,84.37680841924403,85.90721649484536,7.3570446735395185,24.578178694158076,8.344100000000001,2.014986941580754,390,16,77,10,12,131,63,97,0.17,0.6759999999999999,0.154,-0.1655,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,6,0,6,2,0,0,1,14,15,7,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,3,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,4,1,12,5,9,11,2,10,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,3,11,44,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792907136062925,0.0,0.0,0.10455262002914208,0.0,0.235230691020988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5809134916084668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162642987562436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242129045456896,0.1560490549472214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454424799458975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773864760243257,0.10983624440310523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213579181541672,0.0,0.0,0.08737745158551218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517924433798819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532359153968534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004503133491088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070943602081528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681560100643054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857847029711698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676804897428555,0.0,0.1342451640648041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506577329262476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996467494048068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836125896585177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851429274391964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081757390877966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192899174740736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mjmsteph,2019/10/17,"Hardest thing about BPD Hey everyone! I'm new to r/BPD but was diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago. I came on here and was shocked to see how many posts resonated with experiences or thoughts that I have had. I have never had the opportunity to communicate with other people who share this diagnosis and it was so helpful to see that I'm not alone in feeling some of the ways that I often do. 

​

I am curious, what is the hardest thing about having BPD for you?",5.2612903225806456,5.936191634408605,6.188333333333336,78.30250000000002,68.13978494623656,9.640860215053763,31.62903225806452,9.725611199111238,2.835954838709677,374,15,75,8,6,124,64,93,0.077,0.789,0.134,0.7631,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,1,15,18,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,3,6,2,14,11,1,9,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,3,4,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039762990680528,0.0,0.0,0.1523539889786273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938566757513045,0.1787458296388338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7410825884866987,0.0,0.0,0.16824625119719858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930610053183402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140562892863241,0.0,0.1438946254903306,0.0,0.0,0.07437952340091558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859981030410347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913900568626756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345463779374,0.14207266294079526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198246052357757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088368263006326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344435446242228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195456937962648,0.0,0.0,0.1167830782595993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676324218933665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787458296388338,0.09472928826163672
bpd,wasteaway997,2019/10/17,"Found someone to fixate on I swear I turn into a psycho when someone shows me an ounce of attention. This girl works at a place I frequent. I managed to find all her social media after learning her first name and I lurk on there from time to time to see what she’s doing. I figured out her schedule and now I “coincidentally” show up on the days and shifts she’s working. I get really jealous of people she’s close to, we aren’t even officially friends yet, she just talks to me occasionally because it’s apart of her job.  Once I find something to dislike about her or she does something I disagree with I’ll be over her, it’s only a matter of time.  But in the mean time she’s all I think about. Anyone else?",0.9925679513184598,3.398181855172417,2.8730223123732266,89.65626774847874,85.6206896551724,4.79107505070994,21.63286004056795,6.2272716619740125,0.3244279918864095,559,19,115,5,17,186,93,145,0.087,0.8809999999999999,0.032,-0.7425,2,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,3,8,2,1,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,23,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,26,1,25,7,2,24,0,0,1,0,18,12,0,1,12,78,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181860087473785,0.17850887001492433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620283048492808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235741893976917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246100350636274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553836623831531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507059704595332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184676541721593,0.14819135304978512,0.0,0.19102312163549565,0.13460185812733338,0.0,0.09102270408528597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288636247361558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897765391516704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553850145526596,0.0,0.13250208022713336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078213834332345,0.0,0.1820227086782044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160972541266316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388306993924481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775952421604559,0.2952319020682089,0.2682459724169833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003135166680128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116330735451548,0.0,0.0,0.4063560855085739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950121644326814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536683159275799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,weweredonebefore,2019/10/17,"How do I stop ‘spying/attempting to stalk’ the guy I’m with? It’s hard to explain really, but when im sat next to him and he’s on his phone my heart immediately races and I feel sick, I automatically assume he must be talking to another woman or he’s hiding something. Earlier, I thought I saw a long text message from ‘Maisie day’ (name made up) so I took it upon myself to go onto his friends on Facebook and try and find her. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t even that though, I think it was just a work email and my brain blew the whole thing out of proportion. 

I haven’t spoke to him about this, because I do actively try not to do it. I just don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m being crazy. The worst thing is, is that I trust him! But my brain makes wild accusations all the time.",1.6437500000000007,3.0480492083333366,3.629285714285718,90.4157142857143,77.75,6.942857142857143,21.523809523809533,7.7094869923839395,0.6003880952380953,609,16,144,9,14,207,106,168,0.125,0.747,0.128,0.3802,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,13,4,3,3,3,30,29,13,0,1,6,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,11,8,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,5,22,4,18,18,3,14,0,0,1,0,19,6,0,2,7,90,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185412778183867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077887557147873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947825832651721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403525054411355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678894449711698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788125440227809,0.12632132725069814,0.0,0.0,0.1616116633703837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661186559903035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049174310400463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508110191225054,0.0,0.0,0.15839734816633952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095343492981689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909975813496944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097176481595881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638606172625694,0.0,0.0,0.15648147851349625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673127949829898,0.1180297358028644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805168958682209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798910515214613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132763917210976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612584269320932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783070596055214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166652187407055,0.0,0.0,0.14212243768179394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349447181559497,0.11330008851089167,0.17372624292169125,0.14037653353767934,0.1031060486667465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645521176697509,0.2401004066807491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197414909344026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872817048873175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Liverpoollondon,2019/10/17,Advice I'm a mum. I don't know what to do when my son has a meltdown. If something triggers a panic response in someone with BPD what is the best thing to do ?. Sometimes...like tonight...there are other demands on me and my son just gets really angry that I am not putting him ahead of his younger sibling. He is 25 years old. Any advice on what to do would be really gratefully received.,1.6811538461538476,3.93018012820513,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,81.05128205128206,5.438461538461539,26.41666666666667,6.6274283507984215,1.1037897435897441,302,13,61,3,8,98,61,78,0.086,0.82,0.094,0.1779,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,0,11,0,0,1,0,8,14,3,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,9,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4989008560794015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359481600241494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678939161348061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32150818940416154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336993095536606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029170613337014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26786672362056985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995085924985111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566204961772908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270696365664333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162925107002148,0.1965221050057298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959245084727928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133905621811966,0.0,0.0,0.16438784246563282
bpd,ticktockmoveon,2019/10/17,"Trigger warning: I want to go back to therapy, but the stigma is holding me back I managed to get the BPD symptoms off the chart because I managed my symptoms so well, and I’m worried about it going back on the chart. I’m rarely a patient for medical conditions, but I just don’t want to be treated differently (or even brushed off) because of a diagnosis if I ever have to be one. I’m tempted to just go online and do a refresher on DBT myself.

But I also feel like there’s something else going on. I don’t want to go into too much detail for privacy concerns - but I really benefit from an outside perspective and possibly resources if I do have another condition that I suspect that I have.

But I’m so hesitant because of the stigma of BPD. I’m worried about being seen as a simplistic, evil creature that just wants attention and is manipulative, as if there’s no more to me. I’m not a human. Just an attention seeking, manipulative creature - my only possible motives. I’m worried about my actions and motives being twisted, even by the therapist (unfortunately, there are many therapists who do stigmatize personality disorders, especially BPD). But if you were to tell them this, this is why I was hesitant to seek treatment, they might think you’re trying to manipulate them. Oh, and apparently we don’t want to get better or realize we have a problem, either. Or if we want to get better, it’s for selfish reasons. Remember, we can’t feel empathy. /s

It’s frustrating. I feel like I really could benefit from going back to one, but unfortunately, the stigma is really strong. I took general psychology a while ago, and the instructor described personality disorders as way to cope that worked as a child, but not as an adult. I wish more people realized these are coping mechanisms. We were kids, kids aren’t going to be aware of coping mechanisms. I didn’t even know what BPD was or that it even existed until someone suggested that I have it. 

It’s frustrating that people, including mental health professionals, assume the worst in us and don’t give us many resources to get help, but then are surprised when you don’t seek treatment or get better. And I wish they realized that there are some of us who know we have a problem, but don’t seek treatment because of the stigma. If you don’t have a personality disorder, they’ll be nonjudgmental of that and not stigmatize you at all. But if you have a personality disorder, they’ll be really judgmental and think you’re just trying to manipulate them.",6.6903944011081125,7.30928085200846,8.009512284027121,66.68887949260042,65.00422832980972,11.682700298899176,37.02916089523949,11.414449908329056,4.677332784136473,2005,98,341,61,29,691,191,473,0.127,0.762,0.111,-0.9015,3,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,9,5,7,7,27,18,3,0,24,0,44,4,0,8,2,90,81,46,0,18,32,0,3,2,0,3,4,0,0,9,21,18,0,1,18,0,0,9,14,7,1,2,7,5,46,11,48,63,7,28,0,0,1,0,36,8,0,15,12,254,67,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032001236532565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054417569615113716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135374800068399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092973412138275,0.0,0.16592452338863525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054747982124145,0.0,0.0,0.3428138297697101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054330400110992993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109516536761615,0.3119533698760382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684496341243976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797789558311736,0.0615528691008696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322059782398177,0.09722631029043634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776007856776482,0.06527737269170111,0.27071077887292944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233132168710274,0.0,0.0,0.04561081195274004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479426442237437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648915290050063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379789904705705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855070793451606,0.0685758857057029,0.07218765525209311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050022749913267495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222150848650426,0.0517531981240601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435115169232827,0.23766584604719385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342668767469708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302245551901366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437191089987664,0.06996417415920694,0.0,0.0,0.07708456440239682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765643488044764,0.052386298134640415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145483681001098,0.0,0.0,0.059476523550527766,0.0,0.07781825873210325,0.15801680905816934,0.0,0.08720419426588139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560328803196509,0.09239958583744794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455583302274047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408171086938393,0.05401294653675854,0.0,0.0,0.06118288417674059,0.0,0.06140229417303296,0.0,0.15650255780877054,0.0,0.0,0.049539398134325945,0.20731665025503768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JustaLittleDuckie,2019/10/17,"Is this abuse? I am 34 years old and last night after smoking weed I began to sweat profusely and become dizzy.

At the same time, I thought about my phone call to my older sister. I told her everything my parents and younger sister has done to me. She was so supportive and just kept making sure that I knew what I was doing as far as cutting off my family.

So I must tell you my story because I am processing my trauma and I need to know if I’m crazy or if they have been abusing me.

When I was 4, I had terrible panic attacks in the middle of the night. I would sneak into my parents bedroom but they grew tired of it so they started locking their door so I would lay in the hall and put my hand on their door because I was so scared. I did this every night for years. 

When I was 7, my mom laughed at me while I danced and to this day still imitates what I looked like and still laughs about it.

When I was 10, there was a costume party at school and the boys were dressing up as athletes and the girls were cheerleaders. She made me dress up as a basketball player and I cried all the way to school.

My mom would say mean things and then say she was “just kidding”. I was so calm and shy that she called me names like a stick in the mud, a loser and questioned my habit of isolation in my childhood to the point that I lied to her about having friends at school so she would stop teasing me about it.

When I was 12, a boy broke up with me in the middle of school and I was devastated. She told me to get over it. Every boyfriend I had, she rolled her eyes and commented on how I went with anyone.

When I was 13, I was suicidal so I got help at school. They demanded my mom pick me up and take me to a doctor. The first words out of her mouth when she saw me was “I had to take off work for this you know.”

In high school I spent a lot of time building websites and writing and I had to hide it because if they saw me sitting at the computer for too long they would tease me and still do to this day.

I’ve blurred out so much between then and now.

When we (partner and kids) were living with my parents, I self harmed and was laying in bed. I wanted to go to the hospital but my mom argued until she was blue in the face that I did not need to go. She told my partner to pack a bag and leave and she would “take care of her” in an aggressive tone. He refused to leave. So she came into the room, tore the blankets off and (paraphrasing) “You need to get your ass out of bed, you are being a terrible mother, your kids should go live with their father. What the hell is wrong with you?” I told her I had bipolar and she said “You’ve been just fine up until now!” I tried defending myself and I told her to call my therapists number on the wall and she said “I’m not calling them people, you told them I chained you to a wall and beat you.”

I am atheist but made a big promise to myself that I would support my children in whatever path they chose and I specifically made the promise to myself that I would be by their side if they got baptized.

Three years ago, my oldest, Charly, was baptized. The day of, my partner and I were sitting on the porch and my parents waved as they drove by. (They live next door.)

Several weeks later, it came out that she had been baptized. I was completely devastated that I missed it. My ex told me and my partner he told us “3 times” but we never were told anything. Last year, while riding in the backseat of my parents car, we drove by a restaurant and my dad pointed it out and said that it was the restaurant the whole family had gone to to celebrate charlys baptism. My mom quickly elbowed my dad to shut up and he then said that he was mistaken.

Several months ago, my parents were terribly behind in bills and my mom attempted to convince me to move in with her but pay her $1000/month to live in her guest room. It would have ruined our homestead that we have built as a family. I had panic attacks but a week later told her no. She told me that my older sister said that “since she had always opened up her house to others” (me) that my older sister would instead pay her mortgage for a year.

Every time I have gotten home from the psych hospital, they don’t make eye contact with me or acknowledge my presence beyond a hi or maybe small talk in the entry way. No acknowledgement that I was even gone.

My younger sister has done many things too but I don’t remember it all.

I remember that she told my partner when we were first dating that I had been “having affairs” and “meeting men” in my previous relationship. 

When I was in the psych hospital, my sister told a crowd of people at a BBQ that I had gone in for attention and that I hadn’t deserved to have a friend visit me because “she put herself there”.

There is more but my head hurts and I don’t remember. 

Is this abuse? Am I crazy? 

I’m cutting them off and I need you to tell me if I’m doing the right thing or not. I am bawling my eyes out and I’m so afraid of the future.",3.1405040650406484,4.1769314731707325,4.107219512195126,89.95767479674801,73.29268292682926,7.144715447154473,25.081300813008127,7.454721666304161,0.9905934959349588,3860,117,850,43,75,1248,370,1025,0.14800000000000002,0.787,0.065,-0.998,8,1,0,0,2,0,86.0,7,11,18,6,42,39,9,4,49,0,88,13,10,7,5,138,156,94,1,22,23,23,1,2,8,12,3,7,10,14,43,66,0,3,12,1,4,19,10,24,0,3,88,15,190,15,125,54,7,153,4,5,7,1,157,67,2,12,65,613,233,13,0.0,0.14344672365095013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154678737688032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03357964509356801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02821803859990233,0.0,0.03320976726181472,0.0,0.0,0.0918221542047893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840321752255662,0.044570323717462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483303339028538,0.0923136315435051,0.04114590145370175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231277571554375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044329461775821095,0.0780793564002906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04130634694975844,0.0,0.08259694034377732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02665493221757957,0.0,0.1020056806537751,0.0,0.03626960851481312,0.0,0.11413288419745125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865403625560379,0.0,0.0,0.062358299980168674,0.0,0.042168965312402086,0.0,0.06880618569841909,0.0,0.0645531829722356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141717035276941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027049953546971102,0.04263860935579794,0.04048062393099205,0.0,0.0,0.046565711114403684,0.043202216016870465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435749533030533,0.06579148399961024,0.0,0.08546291464043952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03943206490600428,0.0,0.14254128432300595,0.035714024311495014,0.03388909835313157,0.0,0.0,0.03430945308425182,0.0,0.11455822026498765,0.05387624010185039,0.040914918227658116,0.04054329212997573,0.04395980308987631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835886167325704,0.06442397090584502,0.0428923226863071,0.029666497997178305,0.11969463565580064,0.03112523921236568,0.0,0.042919345327774534,0.11361486180468262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042347111135878315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469876273732844,0.2688651365660702,0.0,0.0,0.05595590521442982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762994288557886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113838497354486,0.04520825241587315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332752536471186,0.13714734272438714,0.03446402954086522,0.19194024605066248,0.06418584292388077,0.040403661160215834,0.24505616629580695,0.0,0.0,0.04210038544411552,0.0911821842873061,0.0,0.03338311918023703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028564371858884306,0.0,0.0966856953310006,0.03373964431327425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044143203482116686,0.09159162184966256,0.038035301871882886,0.0,0.09102866593932228,0.0324368368882631,0.07054630822376576,0.0,0.0,0.04685673376186527,0.08043272714241934,0.0,0.0,0.032038366323945994,0.094128249904765,0.04638358961276152,0.0,0.5013078244113415,0.0,0.027399254668521486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854361748412925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0238031705078826,0.06406584896003288,0.06474272256107662,0.0,0.0,0.037410661678104834,0.0,0.04505632831911182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029379841333824836,0.0,0.0,0.28667932556719794,0.044123240204015146,0.0,0.1299405566355469
bpd,swanceba,2019/10/17,"I don't have a therapist or psych anymore **TL;DR**: I was dropped from my therapy services about eight months ago and I haven't sought out a new therapist or psych. I feel okay for the most part, but should I try to find a new provider?

So right now I'm in my third year of college. My university has free health services to all students, but the problem is that you're only allowed 10 mental health visits per year. In reality, it's more like 10 visits for your entire college career, because once I hit my 10 they told me to find someplace else. They tried to help me transition to another provider, but I wasn't really interested. My therapist and I had a pretty good relationship (a rarity as I'm sure you know) so I was super apprehensive about starting over again with someone new. 

I also wasn't super keen on it because the services through my university were free (or at least included in my tuition), and I have no idea how my insurance would handle mental health providers. 

It's been about eight months since then. I generally feel okay, and instances of self-harm and whatnot are way down. What worries me now is that what few stable relationships I currently have are about to go away, as I am moving to a new city in a different state in about three months. I can't predict the future, but knowing how I've fared in situations like that in the past, the outlook isn't great. The DBT I did with my former therapist has done a lot of good though, and I didn't have those skills before. Also, I've looked at a few providers in the new area, but they're all pretty expensive, and I don't know if I can pay for it all. 

Basically, I'm concerned about the move and what might happen if I can't handle it, and I'm worried about the high costs. However, I've never been at such a good state in my life and the DBT has given me a lot of skills to cope that I didn't have before.

So I'm looking for your input, your perspective. What would you do in my situation? Have you dealt with something like this before? I really appreciate any and all help.",5.0796144442354665,5.593351229828856,5.864804400977995,81.03306140680837,68.48655256723717,9.128493511378595,29.66719954861764,9.162432508145574,2.312348429565545,1619,57,328,29,26,531,188,409,0.057999999999999996,0.77,0.172,0.9946,4,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,6,2,4,19,18,0,1,22,2,38,4,0,3,6,51,56,32,0,6,10,0,2,3,0,4,4,0,0,0,15,15,0,0,8,0,6,5,12,2,0,4,14,4,45,18,48,37,12,51,0,0,2,0,15,21,0,9,24,220,60,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101552597251135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813300849336418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447972927944212,0.0840056847748832,0.0,0.0,0.07945077620889197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526899696642989,0.0,0.0,0.09767253717404452,0.0,0.20451132057855895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370125211688817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198362745954578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692430616846375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101529114717551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644404319937301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553018285127068,0.20158547614487865,0.0,0.08832509568284821,0.0,0.0,0.07084384608933114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554697845278925,0.0,0.0,0.10739639047949172,0.08464400376743972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043806148202688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208437347905705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658632870468085,0.11741780164347343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454983696777384,0.0,0.0,0.13621877073377456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147054357106722,0.08498745450185946,0.0,0.0,0.19183679715833427,0.17029532519499668,0.0,0.0,0.06178824555861598,0.3868691820651468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531795291076442,0.0,0.060929705439722585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867547983087902,0.07647712293352646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300786942470885,0.0,0.07665752143214066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264514612819388,0.0,0.0,0.17202320974409646,0.0,0.06841624270519217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357554896798748,0.0,0.0,0.06627047430374604,0.1801012069249971,0.0,0.0,0.06787966195922933,0.061675062220690476,0.0,0.0,0.05670454162945592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550575132679803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161643636038157,0.3720704412260513,0.0,0.0,0.07871082102837625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655160432007105,0.0,0.10878322020471873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635901362950978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271770493627946,0.0,0.11382025014405105,0.0,0.0,0.10318055988762552
bpd,MinNoMercy,2019/10/17,"My FP isn't allowed to play rank games My FP and I habe been together in a LDR for over 2 years. We like to play mobas together (aov, etc.) and it is something that I still look forward to when I'm near the next breakdown. 

Ptoblem is: The moment he plays more games than me or is in a higher rank (what he is) I get really depressed and emotional. It's like he's leaving me behind and joining a pro team pro something (what I know is ridiculous). But I keep spiraling and the self depricating/ self-harm get way more serious.

He can tell by my reaction that I feel affected by it and avoids ranking but this is making me feel worse for limiting him so I can't escape the negative thoughts, etc. 

Does anyone else have this?",1.663721461187215,3.9136248698630136,3.238876712328768,89.17758447488586,81.12328767123287,6.90703196347032,24.801826484018264,8.021203637495839,1.5217968949771683,565,22,118,11,15,186,90,146,0.11,0.8170000000000001,0.073,-0.493,1,1,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,5,3,9,1,1,7,0,11,0,0,3,0,20,21,11,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,3,4,6,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,3,15,5,13,19,4,11,0,1,1,0,11,5,0,1,8,72,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029563751057416,0.19093083365653807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049729679028146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307036449868573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556659990765103,0.209611243109099,0.0,0.0,0.4156442958094221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188441643386692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947134702182928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563057528549704,0.0,0.0,0.10240945897023568,0.0,0.0,0.19731075402644024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207594468681285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648152365186402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438566603221768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817831920600684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937635320550442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38879361097060205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869125054362921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488140794136021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287234443121135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793584430741769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479107168159542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989984367808024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999903965944715
bpd,faddymaddy1,2019/10/17,Reading material? Has anyone found any books that really helped them understand BPD. Either fiction stories or more cut and dry clinical ones! I’m open to all suggestions. Thank you,4.156451612903227,7.498600774193555,4.718322580645161,72.27748387096777,89.64516129032259,8.931612903225806,28.780645161290327,8.841846274778883,3.99615612903226,148,7,21,5,5,47,31,31,0.07200000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.084,0.1025,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405700509096212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247358368894705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4455504102826624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878813863370331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371189749552427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397180473766202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538573798461144,0.0,0.2266287696018629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256961951080615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682783505186551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,danokablamo,2019/10/17,"From the partner of someone with BPD, How could I get you to apologize when you've done something wrong? So a typical exchange between my wife and I:

She will emotionally abuse me and torment me until I snap and do something stupid like punch a wall or yell in the house where the kids can hear me.

She then leaves me and goes and stays at other places until I deliver a genuine heartfelt apology that doesn't include any reference to any of the behavior that finally destroyed me.

She will come back after she is satisfied but if i have the audacity to suggest that she has things to apologize for, the cycle begins again and I'm left alone again after being doubly abused, told that the way she acts is my fault, and that I deserved the abuse and don't deserve an apology.

So, fellow folks, what should I do here?  How can I get some sort of equality in this relationship?  Is it possible to have equality in a relationship between a codependent person and a person with borderline?

She's in therapy but I don't feel like it's making any difference.  It's been 15 years and I'm about to tap out.

Thanks for your time.",5.0871712538226275,6.195242059633031,5.883504587155964,78.76623547400615,68.77064220183486,9.666544342507649,31.04709480122324,9.888512548439397,3.0257990214067285,891,36,169,21,15,292,126,218,0.11800000000000001,0.8,0.08199999999999999,-0.9187,0,1,2,0,3,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,11,8,2,0,15,0,20,0,0,3,0,27,31,22,0,3,4,1,1,2,2,3,0,2,0,4,12,14,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,3,3,25,4,27,23,3,27,0,0,0,0,24,10,0,4,15,127,37,0,0.0,0.4813536085823168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402548449407444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27627184511474945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413004085108617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055743704726448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665280941153773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812228669897296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148564776045033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858223555206384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232988712603934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847269698219274,0.0967444651100484,0.0,0.14834658882266574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150329200058268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262879739068508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562571281562445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339080501496554,0.14713481944796347,0.0,0.0,0.13231927682463715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039426600281657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364879946804334,0.14148564776045033,0.0,0.0,0.1526663182872535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29078197332683065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474138915687965,0.2085067046971887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434028374311825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467704441891382,0.1548651963515522,0.0,0.08996739340507054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896480938708536,0.0,0.0,0.12940013500875228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074905260953906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806110836123212,0.0,0.08720639167739
bpd,untitledredditperson,2019/10/17,Mothers with BPD what was your experience like? My wife is terrified of how her BPD will impact motherhood.,4.886842105263156,8.00827373684211,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,74.78947368421052,10.115789473684213,30.552631578947373,10.125756701596842,4.089715789473684,87,4,14,3,2,28,18,19,0.17,0.723,0.106,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9173068467306404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562235227778279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791276165818964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mik2599,2019/10/17,"advice needed pls n thank u So I've been diagnosed with BPD. Kind of thankful that I did because it made me understand myself as a person. Every human in my life struggle to deal with me especially my boyfriend. Ive tried to explain it to him and he just doesn't get it at all and why I am the way I am. He's trying but not enough. Can someone explain BPD in a simple but detailed way and maybe some advice for him? 
Thank uuuu",1.1016666666666666,3.1265800555555563,3.256666666666668,89.525,81.77777777777777,5.333333333333334,22.222222222222207,6.42735559955562,0.4838888888888895,335,11,70,3,9,114,66,90,0.02,0.879,0.10099999999999999,0.705,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,7,2,0,1,1,16,16,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,11,4,11,13,3,5,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,0,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32949776270368664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277382151838203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246784819416077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381382953368052,0.0,0.1711201669113789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420349032322596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204838529077646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808382131688362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556553377626452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119083488868779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952847043547827,0.0,0.0,0.16937613114850072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501090341662044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721047102518042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284982175685326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762518844338374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656583043821008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289295964042101,0.0,0.0,0.17551312625994422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676453999050486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213057824798215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GeneralKenobi29,2019/10/17,"My therapist just told me I have BPD! I-...My parents never followed their roles...I never ever told them how I feel I thought I was normal cause it would be selfish of me to ruin their day by telling them about my feelings. I feel like I have no personality. I feel like I have no place in this story. I feel like nothing. I feel selfish and useless. I feel like there is absolutely no hope for me in this world. I am depressed and living a lie pretending I am something else...what is even a personality? My therapist asked me if I thought about harming myself...I wanted to say no but said yes so easily. The look on her face...is there any hope for me? Sometimes I would prefer having no legs or hands so that people would understand. But they never will. All my relationships are so fake forced and wrong too. I have seperatio and social anxiety, depression and panic disorders. I would never kill myself because it is selfish and I love my relatives even though I am a terrible person and I don't show it enough. What is even this bullshit I am typing? I don't even know how to type. Thanks for wasting your time reading this stranger.",2.3421680376028178,4.785680247747749,3.7482216999608298,85.38128672150413,79.85585585585585,6.563572267920094,24.967489228358804,7.7425588080867325,1.4991587935761848,893,34,172,15,23,293,122,222,0.255,0.602,0.142,-0.9827,2,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,5,0,17,21,1,1,4,1,23,3,2,3,6,41,45,17,1,10,5,1,8,4,0,5,0,2,0,3,9,7,0,0,12,3,0,1,11,13,0,0,6,11,40,8,13,33,2,13,0,4,1,1,20,5,0,4,11,126,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645739849377233,0.0,0.07476053573210252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136112293518056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059573191815792174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230831562501633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003920767574146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302553368741058,0.0,0.1683434516771731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200308165225008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009776399347947,0.0,0.25818983237548115,0.08839925052355728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458943254075558,0.27926343926424624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412901008283265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811993729407456,0.0,0.0537079507014016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097700465330292,0.0,0.08629432539334697,0.0,0.08206568067523087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820201799209745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30149092968195074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575126004637599,0.09377125098163634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146610385168732,0.10851375768993936,0.0,0.0,0.06775127802709079,0.255993136134603,0.10210343443205712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775298634837212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492173099376187,0.0,0.0,0.0929603188434392,0.07771606719030605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961990069839396,0.0,0.07523466510093865,0.09665404707811608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541730357032343,0.08997346820337816,0.0,0.2269360907933516,0.0,0.0,0.09601582952117707,0.1551679134510855,0.05698513146255602,0.0,0.0,0.18676379420102146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173677481675504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057641645392948526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776885208692985,0.10684863029424953,0.0,0.0
bpd,xchernyy,2019/10/17,"i think my friend might have some kind of BPD? So, i'm not new to mental health issues in general but i don't know much about personality disorders. And i have this close friend which unfortunately lives 3 hours away from me. 

I don't wanna go too much into her past but since she's on her own (she is 25) she has changed. She has this big ups and downs. The ups look like this: FULL schedule bigtime, social stuff around the clock, engaging in every activity. Seeking attention and conformation from everyone. She falls in love ALL THE TIME. Always big intense crushes. She puts everything in at once. Spends an unreasonable amount of money on seeing them when they life a bit far away from her.  As soon as it gets serious/ she really gets to know them and can't hold up the imagination she formed for herself about them it's walls up and bye. She engages in crazy spontanious activities. She can't say no (i mean it, she just can't say no. She got abused once bcs she can't say no). I know part of this active behaviour is her fear of the ""downs"": The not leaving the house, shutting down, don't keep in touch with friends and all that.

I don't feel like she is in immediate danger. She is how do you call it ""functioning"". Has a job and all, and even in bad times she does the minimum of keeping the bills payed and all. But i am still worried. 

Funny thing is i think she knows. Once in a while she reaches out to me with some stuff she googled about BPD, sometimes other mental health issues, saying ""oh look that sounds like me"". But that's it. Ofc i talk her to her about all that, i tell her she should go and see a therapist, tell her i'm here for her. And with the serious stuff she always comes to me, but often she's shutting me out because well i see right through her and her fassades and masks and she needs this people around her who don't do that because they somehow give her this feeling of being liked or something. IDK. 

She had a therapist a few years ago, he was a dick, they never addressed this topic and she only went there for a few times. Dude kept telling her how pretty she was and she just couldn't help it (i mean it without judge, she couldn't help it) but feel flattered and liked and well that led to no progress at all regarding therapy.

Any advice for me as a friend?",2.7606739130434765,4.647283936956526,3.465434782608696,90.69989130434786,75.93478260869566,6.773913043478261,23.02173913043478,7.645422480735847,0.8427347826086953,1801,53,387,25,40,568,223,460,0.08900000000000001,0.754,0.157,0.9859,1,0,1,0,1,0,59.0,0,1,6,1,22,21,1,1,20,0,30,5,1,3,7,78,61,33,0,5,12,0,4,5,4,2,3,5,1,1,28,28,0,4,13,0,4,7,19,5,2,0,6,14,70,16,59,50,18,58,0,0,5,2,73,36,1,6,21,272,98,2,0.0,0.08991146946725792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415407015227607,0.06726758853380924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628501332236736,0.0,0.0,0.05160449017896974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351077074299718,0.0,0.0,0.14259315404493905,0.0,0.06336091329433484,0.09251774103905112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828469071884677,0.0,0.19114932789622688,0.0,0.07748720154596568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802764048572346,0.0653683196178742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697093262956285,0.0,0.06640758808663445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012141225472029,0.0,0.0639364943873224,0.07251149309235218,0.06820066117029265,0.0,0.0,0.0853918678554284,0.11510940449721715,0.10842470315932977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345146508193494,0.0,0.0792936960981636,0.07279593081313121,0.08625453558124413,0.0,0.06069227019027874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132468792899432,0.0,0.0,0.10172840524460994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473156652753493,0.08756125075268238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840871895931727,0.07530428162546693,0.13490037937825586,0.0,0.07902268471349015,0.16681793012182333,0.0,0.0,0.08035139504797452,0.0,0.0,0.05359991105914979,0.18536820550468808,0.0,0.0670079595077604,0.0,0.12744879301383644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848929200358382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532230472909396,0.0,0.0,0.1529487240504762,0.08050213022684377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156860307374884,0.05626786188586015,0.05852728993476415,0.0732903308091892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424455584474463,0.0,0.057714060395637125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217620014851712,0.07244094255857947,0.052609193871609165,0.06625996793409301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720245775887516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628551462342699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861395701988275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480548584690496,0.0,0.2413876027028727,0.0,0.0,0.18141186966505124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277296318456208,0.0,0.0,0.07735533294614226,0.0,0.05842007999580795,0.07505233331797846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060196233430167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606109532883299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060993592504561385,0.1989808435078253,0.0,0.08678125888146722,0.17621696807311407,0.0504147080293808,0.09724825357747598,0.0,0.0,0.13274768755125174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645968947043913,0.0703462751803023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315055673900764,0.0,0.0,0.07706503242020804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488675353182307
bpd,Mzmz01,2019/10/17,Revenge or mean thoughts Does anyone feel bad because they have such negative thoughts about people. Like at work if my colleague annoys me in some minor way like tone of voice is rude (in my head) or ignores me and I take it personally. I resent them so much and get very angry and think terrible thoughts. At least I don't do any of it .. but I think it's just so I look good still and people think I'm 'perfect'' cos I always hide my feelings inside.  Can't just slap someone at work..... Also this is really bad ...but this girl from work Asked me to get her a coffee and didn't pay me back so I took money out of her bag in her locker .. idk I get urges to steal things or go through people's personal belongings.,1.0046917808219185,3.2679697945205533,2.5166952054794542,93.27175513698631,83.93150684931506,5.293835616438357,20.08390410958904,6.6274283507984215,0.20200136986301365,554,16,119,6,16,180,94,146,0.20600000000000002,0.735,0.059000000000000004,-0.9590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,4,10,12,3,0,1,0,7,1,1,1,1,27,25,15,0,1,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,6,0,1,9,0,2,2,4,8,0,0,5,4,20,4,15,20,3,12,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,5,4,73,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213181463529867,0.12623041386213854,0.0,0.0,0.10316435784517998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607541208128336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418233604269911,0.0,0.0,0.11665150452445955,0.2533340765435184,0.0924777408950164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275775339016524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341284909784786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377782401521988,0.0,0.08621724334077058,0.12724265503554166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569272814113785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823044909063218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739369039221654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525082745428107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152036626919024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155186893830966,0.2649252814650864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718587744740917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853884975919422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115152202247442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406300992581525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078582235316534,0.2916186245738965,0.0,0.3613096174128253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685494377477957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251722163671479,0.0,0.12041608251248664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33132835565463203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,writerme1,2019/10/17,"really bad stuff happened today, please just be kind to me So something traumatic happened to me today, I cant talk about it, please just give me hugs though, my brain hurts so bad, its like it was shaken to its core, I cant remember anything that happened, when I try to do that my brain side steps it and wont go any further. I feel like its rattling around inside my head right now and it has to come out but wont. I have no one to talk too or cry to or hold me. Please just say something nice",4.634857142857143,4.123946533333335,5.057857142857143,89.96964285714289,69.3809523809524,8.142857142857144,27.023809523809533,7.1686216300943375,1.0362380952380956,386,10,90,3,6,123,64,105,0.126,0.698,0.175,0.5738,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,3,0,0,14,16,9,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,2,12,5,10,12,0,12,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,2,6,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561448002698512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570382724592318,0.12516598021560665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479432730222405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139176440289805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111655146334388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444517713052125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109281782164648,0.10044641056142392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487867138380252,0.07990760630487441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730028175543381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429866628490012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051781902743416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641580379949007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738249924685078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527585152987578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630177679186319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007352279597874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927515465272782,0.12007371472246695,0.0,0.11181270291282444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648525361114496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095615389010867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260218291887361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814118250336405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26654934404306285,0.0,0.0,0.09545982673834708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tiimmm,2019/10/17,"Bodily apperance and being taken seriously. I've thought about this one for a while.

I'm a big guy (6'1) about 112kg, shaved head (not bald)  - I lift a lot of weights and cycle over 200ks on a good week (ON A GOOD WEEK)

Things people can understand when I explain my condition:

\- The excessive drinking

\- Risk taking / covered in bruises

\- Trouble in relationships / flirting / not opening up / troubles with sharing emotion

​

Things people cannot seem to fathom about me, even when they see it happening: 

\- The cutting

\- Crying in the fetal position for hours over nothing or something from years ago - even at work

\- disassociation

\- Needing to lay in bed for days to feel safe

\- Hiding away and not contacting people for weeks

\-  absolutely anything emotional or avoidance based

\- Social anxiety (""You're the biggest guy here, why are you nervous?)

\- confidence issues

​

Has anyone else ever experienced stigma because of the way they look? 

​

I just find it really hard sometimes because I feel as if I am this child trapped in an adult's body needing to make adult decisions without any of the resources or confidence of an actual adult. I'm acting everyday in everyone play put on by other people. I've had a very bad month and people just assume that I will suck it up cause I'm a man - I'm not - I'm just a scared little boy.",5.5876509922346855,7.607567709016397,6.054486626402074,74.52813201035377,68.6311475409836,8.74339948231234,32.92407247627265,9.276330184999452,3.303019672131148,1067,49,173,22,19,344,159,244,0.111,0.7759999999999999,0.113,0.3962,0,2,2,0,0,0,63.0,0,1,2,1,12,16,2,4,16,0,8,5,3,2,1,35,28,12,0,3,12,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,9,6,2,2,9,2,0,2,6,10,0,1,3,7,11,6,35,23,1,35,0,0,2,0,16,19,1,7,13,103,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0911238780899582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827743444357516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035264710428037,0.3403950412186175,0.06350053476881362,0.0,0.07143424368373942,0.0,0.0,0.06529236970671917,0.09567723691825893,0.07684249187822753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773210921009647,0.0,0.0779670889815391,0.1138452489542578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372238553699344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592537031441284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257182110371076,0.06022136261646606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914753122724244,0.0,0.0,0.07800569655791025,0.21007633166004647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233511452396815,0.0844661363314461,0.0,0.08922709191158654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442988025709692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534619371150677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566427942543158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491865410458114,0.08257423763391578,0.0,0.08364873226390393,0.0,0.09583320928934264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195894431185682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974628208812214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358971867529467,0.0,0.0,0.07841436359462962,0.0,0.0,0.07938700229930437,0.0,0.0,0.062330827401132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453377227951473,0.0,0.0,0.13847784592612747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895991224187408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327564110575826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32368423106375405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387111386822496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982061361878775,0.0,0.0,0.10025348836966334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093488098849895,0.0,0.07441051929905956,0.08500821600631696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951875503907503,0.0,0.07188727779511102,0.09235365536623596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020895858722366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240729598907626,0.0,0.0,0.07413204328204524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721023923504482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770469844773323,0.0,0.07411945165968717,0.22470763314988135,0.11370977195664443,0.0,0.0,0.08425950936882795,0.0,0.0,0.0900134747083779,0.0,0.06798060947792027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403950412186175,0.06013264765875241
bpd,DeletThisGoyim,2019/10/17,"Does anyone else find that they can be apathetic to FPS and catching feelings? I’ve noticed I just don’t really have those fp tendencies, and I’ve just become a whole lot more promiscuous. The thing is I’ve noticed I become a whole lot more promiscuous because of my drinking, and while I’ve managed to not catch feelings and become attached to FPS, I turn to drinking and drugs. It’s like I can’t find a balance between the two",8.312058823529412,6.672131000000004,8.523382352941178,71.80272058823532,62.529411764705884,10.852941176470587,40.07352941176471,9.516144504307137,3.7955294117647056,345,16,64,5,4,114,52,85,0.07200000000000001,0.895,0.033,-0.223,0,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,0,14,9,6,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,6,8,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029663042696196,0.1616249630400549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615784666857516,0.5226397829534452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380407822575169,0.0,0.0,0.3090535312540277,0.18293023611674294,0.0,0.13177290888800686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951783724136245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883460235377931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770646030997453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682126224746189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591798315466614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105334117696338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479654410247594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715776202108499,0.15409067278792687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35222584131174434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,psyzarbitch,2019/10/17,"Toxic relationship I started dating my friend of 3 years a couple months ago, our relationship has been rocky cuz he has anger issues and a drug problem and every time he’s tryna recover from it he’s extremely mean towards me. He makes fun of my BPD, calls me a psychopath and tells me I’m immature, incapable of keeping relationships and need help. He’s kicked me out of his apartment a couple times after he got mad at me for being “ too negative” and “immature” and he’s fed me meth lying to me telling me it was just molly. I told my friends this and they convinced me to break up with him and so we did but my stupid ass went back to him. My roommate knows everything he did and she told me if I started dating him again I would basically have to move out and so I decided to move in with him. 
He was being really good to me cuz he’s been clean for the last 3 weeks. When he’s not doing drugs he’s really loving but he relapsed 2 days ago and today I called him out on something and he completely lost it and started calling me names, telling me I need to grow up and all that shit again. I’m visiting my parents rn and going back to where I live in a couple weeks, if I stay in a relationship with him I’ll have to move out of where I live and move in with him but I don’t know if this relationship is worth it. I’m scared of moving in with him cuz of his anger issues and him putting me down like he does when he gets mad but a part of me just wants to save him from all this cuz I care about him and love him so much. He says he’s a danger to himself when he’s alone and needs me but I don’t know if I’m capable of fixing him when I’m broken myself and he’s not understanding of my condition at all. He makes me feel so bad and guilty about myself when I have nothing but love to give to him, I can be negative and down at times but I never say anything to him that’ll hurt him like he does to me.  What are your guys’ thoughts on it? I need unbiased opinions, I’m really torn and instead of enjoying this time with my family I’m constantly locked up in my room crying. 🙁",2.3906279809220976,3.519442869369371,4.146634870164281,88.59245627980923,75.26126126126125,7.6559618441971375,23.644409114997355,8.219915518859313,1.1257100688924218,1630,47,371,27,34,551,190,444,0.16699999999999998,0.711,0.122,-0.9729,1,1,4,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,1,1,21,25,7,1,9,0,22,8,2,6,4,78,60,47,0,11,15,1,1,2,2,2,2,2,2,1,12,34,1,1,8,0,1,10,7,12,0,0,13,3,70,13,60,42,5,67,0,2,0,4,72,25,2,5,32,239,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910381317281974,0.0,0.0,0.0754211596609856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992592742840081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199054749021692,0.060802949018304964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171618774627667,0.0,0.2230768207183526,0.0,0.07424641928538242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635200532523448,0.07869422072480531,0.0,0.0,0.24172696615169398,0.07999104866875728,0.04696387269055072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745325100044771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889974772718885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135529313762422,0.0,0.06544730984050959,0.0,0.06864967246623614,0.0,0.036820761619280135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125234913484858,0.0,0.03804625210287716,0.06985706234077634,0.04138616267399098,0.061079257655657464,0.058242042582972976,0.0,0.0,0.07210477936861702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04881074716417106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795697095263547,0.0,0.0,0.15201354845053267,0.0,0.06472713589041235,0.0,0.0,0.1200624514369565,0.05935927922175983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711538578780175,0.0,0.12860551825837666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949331958411547,0.0,0.1971728647904156,0.0,0.09721789463339227,0.0,0.0,0.07932401178733123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058125463131326265,0.3869888933986365,0.053532215146772436,0.21598501408728127,0.056164465457621465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987423724132502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085970880626688,0.07885863773676156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696803846041875,0.0,0.073205767015011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995404090185146,0.0,0.0,0.3909154376464664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582123218941914,0.07290707120711344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475027033091254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560615837263824,0.0,0.0,0.15463039486773736,0.07761807865033818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094772241086636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057812173151266924,0.1698513159783912,0.0,0.069026310656354,0.13916821549760292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580979740907315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295203447756042,0.0,0.1168261030896535,0.0,0.0,0.06750630256142484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517303368124358,0.0,0.0,0.04689468797272316
bpd,badpersonneedhelp,2019/10/17,"Why do I get jealous when other people talk about the things they're struggling with? I need help introspecting. 

I feel a tightness in my chest when other people talk about their mental health or any trauma really (e.g., a girl making a YouTube video about her anxiety, or overhearing my friends' friend talking to her about her depression, someone saying they also struggle with BPD, even people expressing grief over the loss of a loved one). It's envy. I'm not sure why though (I struggle a lot with mental confusion). I've always had chronic envy, especially when I see a pretty female or another female getting attention from a guy ( I have severe BDD; maybe that has something to do with it). I even feel envy when I hear other people discussing some of my same world views. 

Why do I feel like this? Logically, I know mental illness and losing a loved one is nothing to envy. I also realize that if I think my world views are good ones, then not wanting to share them with others means I don’t actually care about what happens to the world.

Is it because I want to be special and unique? Do I cling to these things (e.g., mental illness, trauma) because I lack an identity and this is what I identify with now? And if so, if the reason I get jealous because I feel like I'm less valid if other people share these things with me? I have no idea. It sounds so silly. Maybe I just want attention. I have fantasies about getting attention and have sought it out online from guys, but I've isolated myself for six years and never get any in person. I shouldn't need attention. I think I’m a bad person, maybe a narcissist.

Envy/jealousy is a terrible feeling. I wish I could just be a good person with genuine happiness for others. And I wish I had some peace of mind myself. Something is very wrong with me. I don't like myself one bit.",4.963682719546744,6.239485232294619,5.6278481586402265,79.86297337110484,69.19830028328612,8.140917847025497,28.2843059490085,8.488131031819089,2.1018979943342777,1449,50,262,22,25,470,171,353,0.157,0.7,0.142,0.5467,0,0,2,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,3,2,20,31,2,4,17,0,23,7,1,2,2,66,54,25,1,14,12,0,6,3,2,1,4,3,0,6,22,17,0,1,17,2,0,0,7,15,0,5,2,12,44,16,33,48,7,15,0,4,3,2,27,7,0,11,11,184,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0761923379082094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248770327088685,0.0649667011679008,0.0,0.0,0.10619070004200402,0.08187102424826985,0.05972904300227137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519141759458871,0.14278588432667216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524036416353915,0.0,0.09833582732559876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960517380627576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062338498390619536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672480016756956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313885159922892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739154807693995,0.11155710569375864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064490344854535,0.0,0.20396125095848253,0.0,0.0,0.1309753377586569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546179209488691,0.06904363980322535,0.08311490774962889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299268864891904,0.08799897163654599,0.0,0.05233367546902036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813994843805306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429093299772916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144341089688441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734870602086434,0.0,0.06637866420409687,0.14093591154604052,0.0,0.05211731066534445,0.0,0.23531790793187016,0.08504924286072316,0.0,0.0,0.3147348616588082,0.0,0.07883597696688334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578689417924555,0.060218150282848326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491742839202127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162922955184466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706453986124439,0.2045226788002312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943284592044265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001842000424458,0.08027663240680362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620903297939309,0.0,0.0,0.062217626698924035,0.0,0.0,0.08820530565352143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615477827626758,0.12021568607207922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448705400978661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735870818067349,0.0,0.0,0.1882671138792388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556135847719774,0.10005776715785654,0.07671070778464921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442208122782232,0.13815632603547726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135828976040305,0.0,0.17957045094751414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536544543297833,0.0,0.050279324209708494
bpd,wall_str33tialize,2019/10/17,"Splitting My friend has BPD and has been dealing with a lot of stress, they're becoming more and more withdrawn and I don't know how long this is going to last. I was asking him about it and felt a real cold shoulder, they were distant and we kind of got in an argument. 

After it was over and I was at home, it struck me that they may have been splitting a bit and I didn't see it at the time. Have I damaged things long term? I can't tell how serious this is, I tried to stay in the 'grey area' but....yeah. Should I try to reach out more or just give them some space?",0.9865201192250376,2.5929239262295134,2.179716840536514,99.18920268256336,80.22950819672131,5.419970193740686,19.2876304023845,6.1124844417494595,-0.376419672131147,437,10,108,3,11,139,82,122,0.092,0.85,0.057999999999999996,-0.7039,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,0,4,5,0,1,6,0,17,1,1,2,0,21,24,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,9,4,15,2,14,13,7,16,0,1,2,0,10,8,0,4,6,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907614746747644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535987460669316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277240173239005,0.0,0.2569968892628869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036909285725275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959223301093824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765039932514094,0.0,0.0,0.19574568193227054,0.11596769694753553,0.0,0.16319936682876682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468122221681165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248920282465436,0.11214187773094568,0.1663299629404701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611599543929549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347807689047445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23225633527509984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260336597361982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174927376929577,0.0,0.0,0.2337413662987035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835081562403204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556336586944706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898461143089295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27707640786085197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iritropical,2019/10/17,"HELP: I'm angry about the person that I could have become. (physical abuse + bullying) Hi guys, 

I didn't want to write in here because I felt as if I was going to waste my time by writing and not getting a response from anybody. But, I'm going to do so in hopes of somebody reaching out in any way. When I was younger, I was physically abused in my household and bullied at school. I never thought that my childhood experiences would affect me like this and it hurts knowing that I could have grown up to be someone completely different than the person I am today. 

Basically, when I was younger, my parents physically abused me and my three younger siblings - including one who has autism. I never thought that this was something that affected me as I always had confused feelings towards it as a child. Every time I told my parents how it was affecting me, they would always tell us that they went through it and they were perfectly fine. They would say that if we ever called the police or told other people, they would take us away and we would live in homes with worser conditions. I always found myself wanting to know if other people were being abused in their home, and if they were, then I felt it was something normal as everyone had to experience it. Therefore, I would disregard my feelings and not validate them. However, I believe it was something that deeply affected me because every time I heard my brothers crying and the hits, I would have these full blown anxiety attacks and go into my room crying. I would always wish that I was in their shoes that moment because I loved my brothers a lot and didn't want them going through that at a young age. I remember my mother beating me because I cut some bangs or my father beating me in front of my uncles because I was playing with my boy cousins. Once, my mother beat my brother because he went outside and played in the mud after being showered and she once beat me when I kept playing with my friends outside. After they would beat me and I would cry, they would tell me to shut up or they would start beating me again. Then, they would pretend nothing happened and act all happy again when I was still in pain. I also believe I was scared of my parents and I remember not telling them anything that would happen at school. For example, I remember in grade one when I was sledding during recess, injured my knee, and spent the rest of the afternoon in the office. When they came to pick me up after school, I was limping and when my mother asked what happened I told her it was nothing. I felt as if I couldn't tell them because I was scared of them getting mad at me. The abuse completely stopped about four to five years ago when my mother started crying and apologizing every time after. 

At the same time, my parents never showed me any affection throughout my elementary years. The last time my father showed affected for me was in kindergarten and it tears me up thinking about the moments where he volunteered at my school, tied my shoes, carried me on his back, and gave me kisses. Also, I always had horrible nightmares as a child which would result in me waking up and crying. Of course my father would come into my room and tell me to basically shut up or he would hit me. I remember crying myself to sleep and just wishing that they cared enough to allow me to sleep in their bed or put me to bed. My mother never showed me affection at all either and she just started showing it after I left for university last year. 

On top of all of this, I was bullied at school and didn't have any friends during my early years of elementary. It makes me sad looking back and realizing that I walked alone in the back of the school during recess and sat at the back of the line alone during lunch because my classmates didn't want me sitting with them. I was always alone and when I found a friend - I always wanted to hold them close to me and not let go. I remember waiting for friends to come out of the door during recess when they didn't even know we were friends or calling my classmates when the teacher gave us the phone list of everybody in the class. Then there were times where I was called by the supervisor to leave other girl groups alone or the boys would tell the girls that they wouldn't play a match with them in soccer if I were playing with the girls. People would shout racial slurs at me, tell me I was ugly, tell me to bleach my skin, play with my hair, and always leave me out. I was around a group of girls for a few years who never invited me to their sleepovers or birthdays and I would lay in my bed crying watching them post pictures on their Snapchat. Then, another friend group who was popular and all had boyfriends. They would brag about the amount of boys that liked them and constantly felt bad for me. So, they would bribe other boys into asking me out for money. I just always felt less than other people and with the abuse that was going on at home, I felt as if nobody loved me and always looked for validation from other people. 

Here's the thing. I love my parents a lot. Other than the physical and emotional abuse, they provided a lot for us and worked extremely hard. I feel as if I'm justify their actions, but I can't help but feel for them in a way. I feel as if I'm betraying them by talking to someone about this and I don't want people to think of them as horrible parents. A lot of people, and I'm telling you a lot of people, think my parents are extremely nice, aren't strict with punishments, and the best parents that you could have. It hurts me when my friends meet my parents for the first time and they say things like this. However, they don't know the amount of abuse that I went through as a child and how I struggled a lot with feeling empty and as if nobody liked me. I just don't want to ruin that image for them, even though my mom has told me repeatedly as a child that she didn't care about what I was telling my friends about them as a child. The other thing is that they don't know that this is something that has affected me and I'm not sure as to whether it affected my brothers or not - but I think it did. My brothers and I started physically fighting a lot after the abuse ended and there's a lot of hatred between us. We never take pictures together, we never hug each other, go out together, and we always isolate each other in our own rooms. My parents always ask ""why don't you guys love each other?"" but I think that they were the reason. My parents aren't even affectionate towards each other. Also, I'm extremely happy with my relationship with my mother. I can fully trust her and we always talk as if we're friends now. However, I don't have a good relationship with my father and I find that I'm always angry with him. Can somebody explain why? I think it's because he doesn't show any affection like my mom does. I just don't know how to tell them that ""hey, the way you guys abused me as a child affected me a lot."" I don't know if that will ruin what we have now and they could get defensive about it. 

I just feel lost guys. And on top of all of this, I have extreme borderline personality disorder. I always need to feel validated all the time. I just don't know where to go and if I could mentally live like this. I miss being the outgoing child I was before all of this started. Now, I'm extremely introverted and never share my feelings with others. 

 Any suggestions/advice/stories to share?",6.386394460638992,6.2691737614804675,6.462389324260715,80.03934515305913,65.66895133653189,9.197192333418664,31.97173340380025,8.70249001551661,2.4236210492415173,5894,210,1140,79,83,1879,425,1459,0.13,0.78,0.09,-0.9889,19,4,4,0,13,0,129.0,14,4,44,13,58,62,6,4,60,0,110,17,8,20,18,276,218,124,0,54,42,29,19,6,9,24,2,4,11,22,77,94,1,6,42,13,2,20,35,19,0,6,69,26,241,43,176,112,32,169,0,7,3,6,186,68,0,34,82,849,318,9,0.0,0.2908735342104354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021761807843400576,0.0,0.0,0.10170424829647692,0.0,0.058897104634036086,0.30640947445752914,0.0,0.0,0.0834731126541692,0.0257424773637798,0.01878043607691513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0202022927981027,0.0218544177912344,0.06885190344332577,0.027928802240216672,0.023065230118593787,0.07550874648441178,0.02049795525523648,0.13468729977044286,0.027113190006655463,0.02088996736644794,0.05531815940688137,0.025763371920710047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075203896577263,0.02807829092862108,0.050060064682557484,0.0,0.0,0.042294746744346114,0.0514797395216165,0.026529479923369192,0.0,0.09800459921242888,0.0,0.1887666756355196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025649187834288628,0.02813605727659801,0.0,0.021483588200262197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027615082868949026,0.021743727517114588,0.025366379379473062,0.0,0.04864449132640788,0.022206588776382808,0.062052486287876414,0.02345826888562729,0.0,0.04802859057878078,0.0,0.0,0.11171749112327772,0.0,0.1414292417070219,0.0,0.022437960461976908,0.02088194312343212,0.0,0.05383490843642932,0.1707031793077078,0.0,0.038478579698466915,0.0,0.11161717967620438,0.020591104718815645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723216160069158,0.06512759615750335,0.052267176354097784,0.021991688974161188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032910262659945275,0.0,0.07387598451291554,0.02438336903844521,0.0,0.0,0.05256187498207759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793488570860084,0.04002252749630336,0.0,0.05198912751582685,0.026673296413601874,0.025103708515021046,0.0,0.07196239418824744,0.0,0.043355629971879785,0.0,0.04123109217816618,0.0,0.026798872986158292,0.1878413209998668,0.08862816963705666,0.0,0.01638710034938962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024740300754254502,0.0,0.0,0.0575045711128063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018203274783719248,0.15147379769859634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024053471540505092,0.047112155301390575,0.0,0.0,0.05228921060318653,0.033270993622433194,0.0,0.02612258771987024,0.0,0.2998546274161237,0.0,0.0,0.13615724217671268,0.06430749435146854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023511804868364898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024679206533999028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025241157192635037,0.0,0.05271433230678412,0.1390499945571538,0.0,0.0,0.03904577776828451,0.0491570197670459,0.14907350552802134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049134813927311484,0.0,0.04160172412448298,0.07559816445186725,0.0,0.0,0.08688194038483794,0.0,0.01960540414778254,0.020524629635220167,0.0,0.02566465320872894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02313778049157016,0.0,0.03691660444007132,0.03946420166662628,0.2360325020736417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048929144593838535,0.09438265234061377,0.02411993347875564,0.038979403387355255,0.12883602925772358,0.0,0.023270223732767246,0.09383307554250916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765119643296884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136025086614564,0.05845917387101629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068273390930461,0.044304530935594236,0.0,0.05646183507735706,0.0,0.0,0.017872457590818302,0.0,0.0,0.3836665033797729,0.0,0.0,0.07904593702221324
bpd,ReadingTheTrails,2019/10/17,"DAE Abandon Their Most Prized Possessions? I've been trying to come to terms with what my ex-GF/pwBPD has done to me over the past few months, and one thing has struck me as incredibly weird.  She has this large, stuffed elephant that slept with her constantly.  She would cuddle with him while watching TV, sleep with him in bed, etc.  When she would go to grab him before watching a movie, she would be as excited as a child getting a present.

And when she discarded me, she left him behind.  The last time she was at our shared house, she spent half an hour packing up specific things that she needed, and left him.  She hasn't mentioned him since, or been back to grab him.  And this is a stuffed toy that pre-dates our relationship by years, so it's not like I'm all that connected to it.

I'd never imagine her doing a lot of the things she's done, but this is particularly puzzling to me.  I'm trying to get some closure and to understand discarding better, but I really can't see why she would discard this one thing.",6.499497964721848,6.040889641791048,6.1542740841248325,83.48519674355498,65.51741293532339,9.697150610583448,30.71053821800091,9.095868883498916,2.1992049751243776,802,25,169,12,11,249,123,201,0.066,0.885,0.049,-0.0739,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,1,2,4,7,0,0,9,0,18,3,2,0,2,28,29,15,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,15,10,0,1,2,2,1,2,4,2,0,3,7,5,30,5,23,17,7,22,0,1,3,1,28,6,0,5,15,119,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115105659609842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340038432077527,0.0,0.0,0.1282574130560489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492092283937402,0.0,0.15671388858328827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968093240383642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173438335641627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153275699653965,0.0,0.08241757052099853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281438333469176,0.16733231499504514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182097412575424,0.0,0.0,0.3151268712680716,0.0,0.0,0.07084889876958847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328986443902755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575268512880026,0.0,0.0,0.10752966076028796,0.11184749910473693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965370901601572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843692860199186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290280688409884,0.0,0.0,0.15569600353512433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155612703781244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996111474515148,0.0,0.1451236092378586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853763956928013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456167416996918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969165982049971,0.0,0.0,0.1509697667155664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085698145668356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120690015064685,0.0,0.0,0.09338740301915084
bpd,fvaud-,2019/10/17,Alone. i’m pretty new to BPD. i’m still confused daily about everything and still surprised when an interpersonal relationship in my life is ruined. i’ve gotten to the point where i have no one anymore. including the person i dated for four years. the loneliness is killing me. i don’t even know why i’m posting here. last ditch effort i guess.,1.9330303030303035,4.753034727272726,3.360909090909089,84.02803030303033,88.0909090909091,5.963636363636365,22.484848484848484,7.3871296695380915,1.3049212121212128,276,10,50,5,9,90,52,66,0.237,0.691,0.07200000000000001,-0.8934,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,6,1,5,9,0,11,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,7,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393613311873493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292000437703095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910762561734224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264665791709175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770769471685635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545948590058456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556901165363369,0.0,0.1270125798946594,0.18838633822003897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324055767327345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320847622579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660681744928226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017972400185197,0.0,0.0,0.21847462827419345,0.0,0.22134048503080955,0.2351230069094451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481267590085757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691311396628664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854176064427565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882792825277685
bpd,MagerialPage,2019/10/17,"Gone through DBT skills therapy? Is this therapy hangover? I just started DBT training a couple weeks ago. I will meet weekly one-on-one with a Linehan Institute trained therapist and also go to skills group once a week. The first week, I felt very good about this therapy and noticed a difference after just one session. However, I seem to have a ""therapy hangover"" from my second session that has lasted well into the next day. Only a couple days ago, I was feeling very happy and grateful about my new job (copywriter for a small advertising agency--I've always wanted to write for a living but never put myself out there, until I got hired by an old high school buddy--and I've loved it so far) and for the first time, felt like I didn't need a relationship to feel complete, that I just wanted to focus on growing my career for the time being--I even stopped experiencing the constant identity questioning and decided that it was because I had found my ""right job"" (yeah, I know, the economy could change, blah blah, there is not one true job...). Then the next day, I am slightly triggered by seeing a photo of my ex on instagram, but tell myself I'll be okay and I move about my day. But in therapy, we talk about triggers and I start talking about how my age is a trigger because my ex moved on to someone younger (I'm 34, the new girl is 25) and I lose it there. Therapist gets me through the rest of the session, we stay focused on certian skills I can use when I'm getting into unproductive thought/emotion cycles. But it's 29 hours later and I still feel that hopelessness and inability to cope with reality that I felt when I learned that he was seeing someone new. I vacilliate between wanting to hurt him and wanting to kill myself (actually, I wouldn't get near him right now, but I get intrusive fantasies of wanting to hurt him), feeling like I will never love again, especially because I am past my prime and was cute at the most at my prime anyway. I see a friend of mine who is also sort of instable and only a year younger than me, but she goes from one relationship to the next because she is so strikingly pretty.  Anyway, I try to use the skills, they last for a few moments, but there is this constant feeling of sadness that won't go away and I can't focus on work because it seems meaningless and unreal in comparison to this hole in my life. Like I keep telling myself that I need to have the copy for a project done by tomorrow morning, yet I can't sit down to do it.  
This sudden shift could also be due to hormones, I could be PMSing. But does anyone experience a sort of therapy hangover? Is it normal? Or does it sound more like self-sabbatoging--not focusing on a project in order to bring about the failure that I've been lowkey fearing since I go hired? I've also considered that the pain is resurfaced because deep down I never really accepted that things are over with this guy, and I'm now talking with somebody about how to deal with things being over. I don't know, it hit me all of a sudden and it's making me feel hopeless, like I can never be content and that I'll never be able to hold down a dream job due to my instable moods.",7.881352657004832,6.4407565475040265,8.06432045088567,74.11435507246377,63.235104669887285,10.985314009661836,37.12512077294686,9.888512548439397,3.513334685990338,2500,102,477,42,30,820,285,621,0.114,0.795,0.091,-0.9699,6,0,0,0,1,3,76.0,2,0,1,8,33,25,1,1,36,2,42,4,0,8,7,93,88,39,1,12,13,2,9,7,1,4,2,1,0,2,31,28,0,3,18,2,0,9,12,9,1,6,14,14,63,15,79,60,5,94,0,6,3,2,29,28,0,7,59,322,94,15,0.056089070351853634,0.0,0.05473484171774009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943915329213447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941763718381756,0.04667059973448634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03921878212585938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052697527934857484,0.0,0.0,0.20514826011936502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933479928693945,0.0,0.05880832312469826,0.12122471808611833,0.0,0.13434767600028658,0.12412297902631556,0.0,0.14469124097571262,0.0578253686699467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860114056760327,0.0,0.0,0.09816784688496434,0.057398592679230725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309265476335803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03704630197877827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486587345289056,0.0,0.06311579783560878,0.1701619155473672,0.04007004306649042,0.1615629104357681,0.0,0.0,0.09541866917634367,0.0,0.06149877058699359,0.04333427661888736,0.0,0.11721689707134668,0.0,0.09563013376227576,0.047044851083216425,0.04485955339446603,0.0,0.0,0.0555369979594139,0.0,0.05970785836157341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926118233038553,0.0,0.0,0.05523643601374152,0.0,0.12008901974680973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263899055472294,0.04985454286583838,0.0620542460571849,0.0,0.06165017241893244,0.09144015689051503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03961736914038999,0.13701143302769106,0.0,0.04952767672009188,0.0,0.0,0.06274932269516678,0.0,0.0,0.10124515171212227,0.0,0.03743988999863145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192276105478257,0.0,0.08317866992773927,0.21629674418427688,0.16251352097682026,0.1789540879074781,0.0,0.054955380107577514,0.0,0.06385777835144058,0.05885604413707597,0.059733029375495836,0.1520296226678645,0.08531653094578799,0.05968272542786812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354336426144349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706274893261432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638500760879555,0.06283259538085408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035932094710126886,0.0,0.0,0.1204373416185746,0.0,0.09579951923001856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676513364862814,0.13408718158202582,0.10212276618033812,0.05851313294869415,0.0,0.0,0.04639745860351347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504817458642524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940026536780555,0.05978348610679812,0.04479280403619616,0.04689297431646696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352468103977892,0.09804863942673776,0.0,0.3848564409497774,0.13024746748644353,0.07452617210132527,0.0,0.0,0.04452845664941636,0.06541197595704261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03808079698563454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688589619809496,0.0,0.0925587143258489,0.16541393455613185,0.0,0.17996507598275194,0.0,0.05043081027286997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040833511233753235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03611952235418691
bpd,hermionescat123,2019/10/17,"long distance best friend keeps trying to kill herself when relationships end. how can I help? So I live in America, she lives literally half way around the globe (not going to say where for the sake of anonymity.) She’s been diagnosed with borderline and struggles with it a lot, especially in relationships. After her last, almost year long relationship was getting worse, she started drinking very heavily (every day for multiple weeks) and had suicidal thoughts. Once it did end, she overdosed on pills and ended up in the hospital for weeks (she was basically in a coma for two). After she recovered and got better, things started looking up. Professionally she was doing great and she even started seeing someone again. They haven’t been seeing each other too long (a few months I believe). But after a week or so of radio silence (we usually chat every day), I felt like something might be up. Turns out they broke up (I don’t know the full story). Then I texted her again today to see how she was feeling, and she tells me she’s in the hospital and has overdosed again, but that she’s fine. It’s so hard because of how far apart we are. I tell her all the time that I’m there whenever she needs (I would literally drop anything at anytime for her) but it’s hard for her to open up when she’s really, really in the midst of some depression. I’m just wondering if there’s any way I can help? What can I do as a friend? Especially when I’m s far away?",3.714333333333333,5.7705325285714295,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,73.71428571428572,8.095238095238095,27.023809523809533,8.841846274778883,2.1801309523809524,1148,43,218,24,24,376,159,280,0.081,0.831,0.08800000000000001,0.2455,0,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,2,2,19,11,1,1,12,0,20,4,0,3,1,38,41,23,2,3,7,0,4,1,2,2,3,1,0,0,9,15,1,1,5,3,0,1,3,4,0,2,11,9,35,7,36,27,7,56,0,2,4,0,35,22,0,7,31,153,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057269629430664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830029777574644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265072248951978,0.0894098228396618,0.0,0.0,0.0943634444238846,0.0,0.0,0.061225188356591416,0.0,0.0,0.1131575976910541,0.10540196225711923,0.08882796614275146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954653103758992,0.0,0.0865058529128654,0.10194098356930956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838958191584228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668709151280419,0.0,0.0,0.0663373937048105,0.0,0.16924424949250194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078373720763783,0.0,0.09643483807382562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519405799947525,0.0,0.05247395174781901,0.0,0.057080405641799385,0.0,0.08032828368821715,0.11073165039544786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799428412056211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464100403592785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927261997591532,0.11111816110846308,0.0,0.05519730096227871,0.08186919292984421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049068224839417335,0.0,0.1773746265820222,0.26664955725968303,0.0843414059882714,0.0,0.0,0.08538756273953907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654730716274116,0.0,0.0,0.08016749558998462,0.0,0.0,0.07447242882703636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696164732267176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868445086852015,0.0,0.0,0.3234938004995292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987117538997908,0.0,0.0,0.2401047791617825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509956246206674,0.07732096269062047,0.0,0.0,0.2132685200396452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499808864980076,0.0,0.10986128364090987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755719423654876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672558063730819,0.0,0.0,0.07973540143121552,0.05856535970253725,0.0,0.09520210518811062,0.0,0.0,0.06818982428195143,0.10924612477431893,0.098111914859652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061666970494688,0.08287067190353087,0.0,0.15944371611238506,0.2416924253078511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891915359592808,0.0,0.0,0.10235342447454147,0.07134724309911472,0.0,0.0,0.06467784493610121
bpd,drunkarder,2018/11/16,"Any one want to talk I have just had a pretty bad episode, i have a slew of mental health issues including BPD and Bi-Polar. I managed to go from having my dream life to pushing/fucking it up over the course of two days. I really dont know what or why it happened. I think I am losing it. ",3.260806451612904,3.4388355645161326,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,72.38709677419354,7.490322580645162,25.177419354838708,7.1686216300943375,0.9588580645161286,223,6,50,2,4,76,50,62,0.10400000000000001,0.785,0.111,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,6,11,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,7,0,8,10,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561626524042736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334660386407052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30673142666073866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706382947072206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28542829656302043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514977616915655,0.0,0.0,0.13840999100534476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153625460288415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588727474413245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541935820369185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384379181975742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202024583614814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724601393349393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245432096729168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502971823437346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24776880223142675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601863272496294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957490706558445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605127095334814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379042177530941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364682110130758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975791705473224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Megaraxx,2018/11/16,MENTAL ILLNESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RELIGION!!! i hate it when people say that you just need to get closer to god/Jesus because I’m mentally ill that is so triggering to me. Sometime it’s simply beyond that. ,4.4730894308943085,5.840499073170732,6.144878048780488,75.34869918699188,70.46341463414635,8.393495934959349,30.739837398373986,8.841846274778883,2.807139837398374,166,7,28,3,3,57,34,41,0.24100000000000002,0.759,0.0,-0.8959,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050402150667015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184493232599382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247362612451692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.662939538125778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438869013227381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156035852781908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22802880444366475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615670494124547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253061409565101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,UpSideCake3,2018/11/16,"I gave up on trying to hold the ones that I consider friend close after they started ignoring me due to a breakdown This last few months have been rough for various reasons and I had a sort of a breakdown in september.
I didn't do anything out of the ordinary.I was just annoying to be around dude to clingyness and out of place jokes.
I said that to who I thought was my best friend,and he ignored me.
So I said:Maybe I was too much;I'll just try too chill.
I did that but now I beraly get norticed and I keep having the feeling of not beeing a worthy person.It sucks.
I am pretty alone but tonight I  hung out with some classmates playing video games or watching movies.They are nice.They accept me even if I'm not perfect or if I say something out of place.
It is a nice sensation.Knowing that you don't have to follow standards and be yourself and others would still love you or at least accept you.And I don't get this feeling anymore with those I considered friends.They all are trying to push me away.",2.730343137254902,4.675615661764708,3.464313725490197,90.41107843137257,76.20588235294117,6.298039215686276,26.52941176470589,7.1686216300943375,1.2157176470588231,801,31,164,9,18,253,122,204,0.09,0.75,0.16,0.9359,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,2,10,13,2,0,8,0,20,1,0,1,2,40,33,13,0,3,11,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,10,13,0,4,6,4,0,2,5,4,0,1,10,6,24,9,26,20,6,23,0,0,1,1,11,13,1,7,8,117,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722288003094602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696994734224638,0.0,0.0,0.14081254511498015,0.1523280660242104,0.0,0.0,0.16076758163642252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957397247701026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301942635835152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304113191665207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644050727614508,0.0,0.17880038976762705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520943126599412,0.0,0.0,0.09403998171899304,0.1394810483891716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443739802454762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190738216122214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658185614712673,0.0,0.12578874927661468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595152434675833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941046609732545,0.357556189802136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408482915485296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759340695367026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255378978517105,0.13607701359675398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173220050904305,0.0,0.0,0.12111563051166126,0.0,0.13665215545813286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584569466670765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348526271236252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155473763701788,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AppropriateHoney,2018/11/16,"feels like I only have BPD when I'm drunk as fuck otherwise I feel things super intensely and have issues with other people but I'm so good at holding back. I'm inhibited generally, withdrawn, numb, dissociated, don't fucking know - and start questioning whether this was the wrong diagnosis (I must be perfectly normal after all)...... 

​

...then I get drunk. I can only do things I truly want to do when drunk. This raging desire to be impulsive, to just lose myself. Contact somebody. Have sex. Go home alone at night. Kiss. Laugh. Interact. Feel. But then I get blackout, self harm and cry hysterically about wanting to commit suicide. But everyone does that when they're drunk, right? ",3.1337446197991383,6.258502804878052,4.116317551410808,78.43751793400287,85.99186991869921,6.796556671449068,25.121472979435676,7.928766900206844,2.1762858919177424,547,22,89,12,17,176,88,123,0.28800000000000003,0.506,0.20600000000000002,-0.9207,0,1,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,3,0,1,0,11,9,0,0,4,24,26,14,1,5,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,4,4,1,5,4,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,3,8,6,10,22,1,13,0,1,0,4,4,3,2,1,10,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200528510425406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179943940927192,0.2018012629294338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277026641901447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916768043456854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242736115306846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533476331003936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586933208910742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519199769089293,0.11864516559511955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070703054092552,0.17353635158937816,0.0,0.09438516647196604,0.13929718363177265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658838401662154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733408360364206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127136329095742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113664431565994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857972493265336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558516510728595,0.1627198194518275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526174959499673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513661254023398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860438151105165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182852017550765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325412744546656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754988155650152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166085942595064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066784444079127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591257862724792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181578705300948,0.2018012629294338,0.0
bpd,Ivolkyou,2018/11/16,"Something positive finally. Now i can see it gets better. So I went to therapy like 5 months ago and she diagnosed me with BPD. In the beginning, I felt so horrible and therapy honestly made it so much worse. I hated it. But I gave all myself to it and I really wanted to improve. And she was actually good. I can proudly say that after literally 12 years (I'm 20) of suicidal thoughts and attempts I stopped thinking about it completely and I stopped cutting myself. It's been two months since my improvements. I feel so much better and for the first time I don't feel hopeless and I feel pretty fucking OKAY. 
Obviously not everything is fixed. I still  basically suffer all the rest you guys can imagine , especially in my relationships, it's hard. I have still sooooo much anxiety and I had some panic attacks. But now I'm getting better and I'm so happy. Honestly I didn't imagine it would take such a little amount of time since I always read stuff like that borderlines take a shit tone amount of time getting better. 
I just wanted to share something good with you people and maybe give you a little hope. I seriously hope I did. And I wish you all the best ❤️",2.7606983455175036,5.2538629690265495,4.480227010388614,80.44293766833398,78.60176991150442,8.001231242785687,27.08272412466333,8.841846274778883,2.5011518276260105,925,39,171,23,23,311,126,226,0.152,0.588,0.26,0.9814,0,0,2,0,0,2,22.0,0,4,0,8,12,26,5,1,7,1,12,3,1,1,4,40,39,19,1,6,4,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,14,0,2,8,1,0,1,3,9,0,2,10,7,32,17,14,28,11,22,0,2,1,1,12,4,2,3,19,113,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.09981357241022372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066781611171527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510775111124329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824630825586236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163618171779946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733982601693856,0.3618444373148258,0.0,0.0,0.12882201138266106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724190724440193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381521563737492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192547466715807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155152259017538,0.0,0.09820783711374333,0.1120461604297946,0.0,0.0870019711962857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455909798426662,0.16031612876310605,0.09811929061986206,0.0,0.1715804596398746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127637156337577,0.0,0.1088822851587914,0.09162558672715967,0.10098340708911197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318043758779716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994073363406157,0.20502911767269094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678276299915464,0.0,0.0,0.10275714368670727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632828240493486,0.0,0.2255695902250321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000720536404652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091023804635448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405870636994836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231080111778004,0.0,0.0655251869676613,0.0,0.0,0.10981379447968907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133964384092543,0.0,0.0,0.08150640547592654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049921547335217,0.16921931072182733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748508860636162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633668664716264,0.17102653960723604,0.0,0.0,0.1170897034984834,0.11188113408406967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380835668284631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233939327801334,0.0,0.0,0.06553889447156568,0.0,0.08120137361521787,0.1789263326736169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991574773089593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065847066569478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481747868791318,0.0,0.0,0.11762054230426128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423523945915034,0.072658995117806,0.0,0.0,0.06586697698906184
bpd,psychocath,2018/11/16,"Do men even feel empathy I broke down in front of my boyfriend and he's angry and wants to leave. So he can be depressed and I have to support him, but I have been suicidal for months and he just gets angry? Fuck it. I'm done with relationships they bleed you dry and ask for more.",0.3469975786924948,2.613708881355933,1.6971428571428575,97.90711864406781,87.30508474576271,5.405326876513318,18.59806295399516,6.868970318607317,-0.04489539951573862,220,6,52,3,7,70,46,59,0.322,0.652,0.026000000000000002,-0.9678,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,10,14,7,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,1,8,11,1,4,0,2,0,1,9,2,1,0,1,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292350011184153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693443797506625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200200670918245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065479220197408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812010099928828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28910363700183833,0.1633827482265136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311242228012724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24960928825935036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33574312841195764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420637830214572,0.354869766935456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444974332525896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AmethystMistress,2018/11/16,"Being a teacher with bpd I’m a teacher (I have the whole school once a week for 45 minutes).  And despite/because-of this illness, I’m a goddamn superhero at empathy and knowing what’s really happening with kids.   I can read a room like nobody’s business, and adjust without even being conscious of it.   
The flip side is that this is exhausting emotionally to always be managing different groups of humans and keeping them happy to the degree that I do.   I burn out a lot.  

Started a new gig a couple weeks ago and have a very tough 12 year old boy.  The one who is loud and mean and refuses to respect himself, his peers, or materials.   Today I sat him down after class and got him to soften and open up.   I could see the trauma in his eyes and I think he saw it back in mine, and he just let his guard down for a moment.  

We talked about music being able to express the uncomfortable feelings and how it’s a more productive outlet than the behavior he was showing in class.  We talked about being on the same team.  Things felt good.   Then he mentioned kinda flippantly wanting to kill himself, repeatedly.  I didn’t address it in the moment because my gut reaction was to say “me too” but that’s probably how one gets fired.  (This was how we led into the music/feelings discussion actually)

I’m obligated by law to report signs like that to the guidance counselor.   I’m just so hopeful that s/he handled it candidly (did not damage the relationship we just finally started to build) and that he’s also ok.   I didn’t want to share his secret, but I didn’t want a very sad ending even more than that.   

And I’m just emotionally drained and have to wait until next week to see how this plays out.   I feel like for normal people this wouldn’t be as big of a deal......I just relate so deeply and literally feel him.  

Not sure what I’m asking from you all, other than maybe to listen and validate that sometimes it’s hard to be the grown-up.  Thanks for getting this far.   

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bpd,BitterGlitterLady,2018/11/16,"Borderline Borderline? I'm new, so please let me know if I'm doing this wrong or if this doesn't belong here.

Today I saw a psychologist and she officially diagnosed me with Generalised Anxiety, PTSD and ""Borderline Borderline Personality Disorder."" She explained that I hit quite a lot of the symptoms and qualities of someone with BPD but I don't hit them all and she was reluctant to diagnose full BPD.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling about any of these diagnosis yet and I'm still processing everything and a bit emotionally raw (if that makes sense)

Has anyone else had this? 
I'm not really sure where I go from here.

Thanks in advance. ",3.580509641873281,6.1935447851239696,5.311095041322318,74.94421831955925,76.35537190082644,10.314325068870524,29.09159779614325,10.317481424215053,3.8014292011019286,513,23,93,19,12,174,80,121,0.098,0.838,0.065,-0.4239,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,8,4,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,2,3,24,22,13,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,2,10,3,9,16,4,9,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,5,4,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308482274680218,0.0,0.12721355519977254,0.0,0.0,0.11627580904451275,0.17038664976911108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815486943488235,0.0,0.41887998095414464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375674318557262,0.0,0.0,0.19058598324349424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891631622643302,0.1870570446025759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945326759182478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408264835684524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945080441012456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139018713967774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004567922787012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137621228074798,0.0,0.0,0.1110017513077744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060664565947513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452004797072738,0.0,0.18253958395883454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943874123395168,0.0,0.0,0.17687288771682164,0.0,0.0,0.10653144122823804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408993701381863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280166405898805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134580372585329,0.17284191652551706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310009019759507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762615304647914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818150979637894,0.0,0.0
bpd,persimmon_0,2018/11/16,"People constantly tell me I’m so cool for marching to the beat of my own drum and not caring what anybody else thinks... but I desperately seek approval from everybody I interact with at all times. Does anybody else have this? I’m always praised for being such an individual and for doing my own thing, but in reality I’m desperate for everybody to like me, and have gone so far as to attempt suicide when people have decided they do not like me for no reason. ",9.117134831460676,7.115557764044947,9.527949438202246,66.38158707865169,61.24719101123596,12.944943820224724,40.22752808988764,11.698219412168324,4.671941573033709,367,16,67,9,4,124,61,89,0.159,0.684,0.157,-0.0691,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,4,4,5,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,1,12,12,9,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,8,5,14,10,3,8,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260985696439237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770437102437914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936402737557504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377900636802095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539859581112931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655041007286182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767624731250328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793805355162045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972251534820124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375013097757252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805232952759268,0.17411164203711962,0.0,0.0,0.1584461554555684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thisiskindalame,2018/11/16,"Am I being unreasonable? Ugh, the answer is usually YES. That moment when you want a guy to call not text, because you see texting as rejection, but interpret any little thing he does that doesn't meet your standard of what he ""should be doing"" as ""him not caring"". You also want him to rearrange his entire schedule for you after 3 weeks of dating, and have the nerve to get mad when this need is unmet.

I'm 3 weeks into individual therapy, and I'm SO thankful for this poor lady who listens to me argue with myself out loud, for an hour each week, only to finally give in and admit to myself, ""okay...yeah...that's kind of unreasonable"".",4.3368727598566315,5.618554282258066,5.9607526881720485,76.86668458781365,70.69354838709677,8.414336917562725,25.87455197132617,8.841846274778883,2.0022734767025097,497,15,91,9,9,170,91,124,0.11800000000000001,0.78,0.102,-0.4757,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,0,0,4,7,2,0,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,19,21,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,12,3,19,18,1,16,0,1,1,0,18,4,0,0,12,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649324779054097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025233390410302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125723837821678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059719467877272,0.0,0.21027851615547635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048466685343653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259291601044194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775347167543843,0.19784710903750072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421302682721956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310784169064286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147703799417004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670969971240344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529265946803539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685711924481358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434899385815652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988087392787287,0.2358568809623097,0.0,0.13701870592447246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271475615780877,0.0,0.24329496729220604,0.0,0.4963071588306667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Illjustgohomethen,2018/11/16,"Is it worth it to get diagnosed? I recently found out about bpd and it’s been like someone describing me to myself better than I could. The problem is that, having never been to therapy, I feel like this could only lead to a lot of exhausting conversations and explanations and people telling me how to be. That sounds like nothing changes yet everyone now knows and thinks something is always wrong and either wants to help or just avoids you. So is there any benefit to getting told that this is what it is?",8.1875,7.647558583333335,7.754250000000002,73.66575000000002,62.125,11.43,35.86666666666667,10.793553405168565,3.7903441666666673,408,16,74,9,5,129,68,96,0.092,0.738,0.16899999999999998,0.8105,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,7,9,0,1,2,0,12,2,0,2,1,22,20,8,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,4,2,7,5,11,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,7,57,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153967326803126,0.0,0.0,0.13202156397441045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170067183801327,0.0,0.0,0.2445119904682401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053739215858805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100092964860557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970475755186097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855086774614293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816279912323607,0.1386933465955394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286401639419372,0.0,0.0,0.2028598235518924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012766054308642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669402971174126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845403605421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650505187232157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973240362561016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862821520404941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765189018088107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459193241275955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576534802444475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916894028159806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449382646424776,0.14945812470597525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968654000032582,0.0,0.22201551612011744,0.0,0.0,0.12439679654378825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855086774614293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450854754039999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226114171911628,0.0,0.0
bpd,habituallautibah,2018/11/16,Tips for quickly stopping crying How do you stop yourself from crying quickly when your in a situation where it’s not okay to cry?  I know deep breathing but does anyone else have any other tips?,4.722342342342344,6.749865378378381,4.847027027027028,82.27882882882884,70.89189189189189,6.014414414414415,28.54954954954956,6.42735559955562,1.4271333333333334,157,6,27,1,3,49,34,37,0.226,0.728,0.046,-0.6015,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,6,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731743699954348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175656307909236,0.2370326131264454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7623401627951175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244501048027447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325280170524492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713704331405784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600330494360261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868170272929724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,R_lynn,2018/11/16,"Why can't I stop obsessing over marriage? Title says it all.
I'm 19f, haven't really been single since I was like 13. Sad. I know.

However, even at that young and ripe age, I was able to somehow convince every guy I talked to that I was the woman they wanted to marry. Every man I've ever dated (4 including current), I've basically managed to get them to plan their entire future with me.

2 were short flings, one I dated for four years. He was an abusive asshole, but so was I. I thought I was going to marry him, but we broke up (for the best, turns out he had a heroin problem).

I found another guy, who is amazing, and 7 years older than me. 
I thought this would be great because he's in a place and time to start settling down, he'll want to marry me. 

He told me just a month in that the next woman he said he loved, he was going to marry.

He told me he loved me a few months later. We've been talking about marriage and saying we want to get married for over a year.

Last night we got drunk and he told me he feels like I'm just like his ex (that he dated for 6 years but wanted to leave for the last 2), pressuring him to marry me. He doesn't want to get married anytime soon. He's in no rush. Marriage doesn't mean much to him.

Now a little background:
My parents got divorced when I was young, I took it pretty hard. Father was abusive, mom was an alcoholic. I thought that would point me in the direction of not believing in marriage, but instead it's just made the desire stronger for me.

I graduated high school early, gonna graduate university early, don't know why I'm in such a hurry but I feel that it has something to do with getting married young. 

All I want is for a man to love me so much that he sweeps me off my feet, throws a ring on my finger, and never leaves my side.

But for some reason, I feel that marriage defines that love. That if he doesn't marry me soon, then he doesn't really love me enough to marry me ever.

Which is TOTAL BULLSHIT.
And I'm not even 20. I have plenty of time. I'm about to graduate college in a year, this should be the least of my worries. But for some reason all I want is a goddamn ring.

I see the irrationality in it. I see that this situation is basically stupid. But I haven't been able to get over this.

I try and not bring up marriage. I think I made it like 4 days once. Maybe a week. But then it's just 'I wanna marry you so bad, when can we get married'

How the fuck do I stop.",2.114460134075024,3.4168976627680365,3.849990015689631,89.74564826700902,76.27095516569202,6.408386820710312,23.038510911424904,6.914303735213361,0.5968051062615887,1883,54,418,18,41,633,223,513,0.115,0.737,0.14800000000000002,0.9424,3,1,2,0,1,0,69.0,4,1,3,2,22,21,2,2,23,0,38,10,2,5,7,73,91,26,0,14,17,4,5,4,0,5,1,5,1,6,24,15,2,2,13,1,0,6,13,8,0,2,28,12,61,13,55,56,13,71,0,2,2,6,61,24,1,4,45,261,85,6,0.1494042324475244,0.1770195846894323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983384387896697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833168225811601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062373146737362224,0.04553771669003051,0.0,0.0,0.08416370391492498,0.07839526222251708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817668501244316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771872551935288,0.0,0.0986800864667149,0.13514468180251735,0.12587950958874708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133149035305534,0.05336720675644431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190701466772053,0.0,0.06906090271500416,0.23417263506462616,0.0,0.08490986832181599,0.0,0.11949221302466174,0.08235934685833506,0.0,0.14793367942301344,0.0,0.0,0.06691842314551692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892688722118785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821086588949298,0.12178439016200522,0.0,0.15819750989375914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459827225491612,0.0748711454062982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371078822864393,0.1413698971850606,0.0,0.0,0.07504831639362887,0.08137250424346919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874902156685084,0.11925303294009275,0.0,0.10982930152024274,0.0,0.05761487727115173,0.0,0.07944654808100234,0.07010287561586613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795553157649764,0.050620087259184716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294785966705838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804781191887689,0.0,0.0706176456892701,0.0,0.0,0.07599890809512487,0.0,0.07147983648497687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571217701990037,0.15361243419583104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105881914128473,0.11881224228906873,0.0,0.07560252977409304,0.11905582982949392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061794362490665077,0.08396830853148468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057509338684244765,0.0,0.0,0.052874542352861015,0.0,0.0,0.12490862820481186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008546270957984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047866099736937166,0.0,0.1779154079229374,0.08711880941716213,0.0,0.0,0.2141432200219987,0.0829967997719187,0.050717833340240985,0.08125445119877818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30842870529707445,0.0,0.05992153167251345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481408144209275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586362515224339,0.0,0.10613248011387913,0.0,0.0,0.24052856821507976
bpd,jynnim,2018/11/16,"Voices I was just curious if anyone else hears voices.  When I hear them, they aren't real distinctive but they are there especially when the room is quite. ",6.121724137931036,7.5028792758620755,6.340862068965517,75.4278448275862,66.58620689655173,9.937931034482759,24.84482758620689,10.125756701596842,2.4121586206896555,125,3,22,3,2,40,24,29,0.0,0.938,0.062,0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399258934283228,0.32823118742285434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267607042507135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7221039261974279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34072621321489377,0.0,0.3646226072551713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,esbecheesay,2018/11/16,"Hope to help Hi all,

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now. She had BPD and because of her struggles, i have gotten mad respect for people fighting BPD. I feel like i have gotten pretty good at helping her through tough moments. I have noticed that whenever she feels really bad, just talking about it or talking in general already helps her.  

What i am trying to say is that whenever you feel like you can use someone to talk to, to bond with or just someone to listen to you without being paid to do it, I would be honoured to help.

I know from my girlfriend that it is very hard to ask for help. But just know that i’ve got the time, i have patience and on top of that, it would also make me feel better.

Don’t hesitate to PM me :)








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bpd,dlgraves00,2018/11/16,"My short experience with someone who has BPD So recently I had a somewhat of an enexpected relationship come out of no where with a girl who has BPD and I've been online reading all about it tonight. I guess let's start the story.. theres this girl who happens to be friends with my ex from 5 years ago. I'm a 25 year old male, and this girl I'm about to tell you about is 25 as well. This girl is basically really close friends with an ex girlfriend of mine and we recently started hanging out about a month ago. Everything at first seemed to be going well and I usually don't get very attached to woman anymore due to my own trust issues and fear of abandonment but something was different for me this time. She was telling me about how impressed by me she was and how attractive she thinks I am and nervous she is to see me when we hangout so I'm like okay things are going good, right? Well, she slowly starts becoming a little more distant but she comes and hangout with me one night and admits to me she's been creeping on some of my more recent exes FB pages and tells me she got more distant because she felt like she wasn't good enough for me and can't live up to those expectations. so I felt really bad and opened up to her and tried to make her feel like theres nothing to be worried about and that I really do have feelings for her and all that because obviously she was having her doubts. I found out that same night she has whats known as borderline personality disorder and I had never heard of it before. well, we keep hangin out and then she randomly tries to tell me one day she doesn't want to hangout anymore because she basically doesn't feel good enough again. I convince her to let me take her out to dinner and we go out and have a great time, we hook up for the first time, and everything's great. she seems like she finally gets it that I have feelings for her and I'm not going to abandon her. we hangout a couple more times, then I'm at work one night and we make plans and not even 2 hours later the girl tells me we can't hangout anymore because she's trying to work things out with her ex boyfriend. I'm like okay, well that sucks but l I'll come by and say goodbye in person. she tells me she wants to still see me, wants to still talk but doesn't want to tell me anything certain because she's so wishy washy. I hangout with her the next night and she tells me she won't come over because she's too nervous. we don't talk for a couple days, make plans, she bails, reschedule for the next day, then she bails, tells me I can come over, then when I'm on the way she tells me she can't talk to me anymore and blocked me. now I'm just sitting here trying to figure out what in the hell happened because I've never had such a bizarre spontaneous relationship and it got me thinking that a lot of what happened has to do with her BPD. It has me genuinely interested in how it effects the mind and the way people think and more specifically how it had an effect on my short relationship with this girl. I don't know if I'll ever get to talk to her again which really sucks because I think she's great and I kinda wish I had known more about BPD before I had met her so maybe I could have done things differently or been there for her in a different way. Her friend tried to tell me she thinks once she decided that she didn't think she was good enough she decided to open up contact again with her toxic controlling ex because she would rather cut me off than think I'm going to cut her off because I only date ""pretty"" girls and she thinks she's nothing compared to them and from what I read that sounds like a pretty common decision for people who suffer from BPD because of their fear of abandonment. That makes me feel pretty bad because like I said I think the girls amazing but I don't know if there was really anything I could do to help her really believe that. 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bpd,a_mighty_mouse,2018/11/16,"Aggressive generosity I was diagnosed with BPD earlier this year, and I just reconnected with an old friend (K) of mine I’d lost touch with. Turns out K also has been diagnosed with BPD (explains a lot of our adolescent friendship). K and I have been connecting on all the weird BPD stuff that has defined our lives for a long time. 

Here’s where it gets eerie:

I fell on some unexpected hard times lately (medical bills thanks to a *certain* mental illness) and K started aggressively offering me generosity, even though he’s running pretty thin too. To the point of friendly-yet-firm “What’s your Venmo, f**er?” and “I’m giving you money, shut up.”

This is a behavior I have noticed in myself for years: aggressive and somewhat reckless generosity because I am consumed with this overwhelming love of my friends and disregard for my own financial security. 

Does anyone else do this? This seems really obscure but it’s so vividly identical to how I’ve acted before I can’t help but think it’s related. ",7.411897233201582,7.994960782608692,7.799940711462451,68.93399209486168,63.45652173913044,11.690909090909093,37.3794466403162,11.389717465364855,4.619952173913044,800,38,135,23,11,263,129,184,0.076,0.785,0.139,0.9202,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,2,0,1,9,12,3,1,7,0,11,5,0,1,2,26,22,12,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,11,12,0,2,3,0,2,3,1,6,0,0,4,4,16,6,20,18,5,20,0,2,1,1,12,9,0,5,8,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332120234176088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908322536493196,0.1451932173766739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863818736364586,0.0,0.12058026792091245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5354163505048073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876545878396592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400674331597332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837609886903105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359462198802733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189614089737077,0.0,0.07403486033698309,0.13593606644792713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693958310326595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498167755057063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984908080221602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512785171425886,0.12540420578901493,0.0,0.0,0.15468742616800596,0.12047227379248993,0.1278940298554607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275258339285934,0.14280501453455416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613317472071046,0.14869525184661747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395675035613314,0.0,0.0,0.14416462995429802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077966334018506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900264245667173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029932038973643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221798603093385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304626548298836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079865393978896,0.13922415435527194,0.0,0.16525830747415496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413402880143276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250636962711025
bpd,galinndan33,2018/11/16,"Boyfriend might have bpd I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 3.5 months now, a month or so ago he was talking about how his therapist thinks he might have bpd. 

I recently found this sub and was hoping some of you could tell me things I should really understand about the disorder, and what I can do as his boyfriend to help. Thanks!",6.114692307692309,6.6215182769230765,4.9075000000000015,88.82125000000002,66.23076923076923,9.576923076923078,28.55769230769231,9.516144504307137,2.059230769230769,268,8,57,5,4,78,51,65,0.04,0.831,0.129,0.7177,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,1,0,13,16,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,8,2,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,5,6,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486894268687328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969121324710402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750493493972673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260897910110011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629759773790824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222667152253978,0.0,0.0,0.19593473086335572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41854696157968496,0.0,0.0,0.31491984725048405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637692905580064,0.0,0.19478142921126326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158559051460361,0.1724236514571802,0.18162074045243967,0.0,0.22904697167005,0.13105816458002306,0.12640336640498834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053661900827828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Spooky-Sadie,2018/11/16,"I'm not going to be able to get my meds and I'm stressing out Somehow my insurance messed up and kicked me off the program or whatever. I just took my last pill and I have no idea when my insurance is going to cover me again. Plus the meds are way too expensive to pay for out of pocket. 
I'm worried about the withdrawals and just being off them and general since I haven't been off medication for almost a year. ",3.6456201550387632,4.4920750348837215,5.093023255813954,84.0773643410853,71.90697674418605,8.524031007751939,27.124031007751928,8.841846274778883,1.9068821705426355,327,11,69,6,6,110,57,86,0.128,0.872,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,0,0,16,14,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,15,10,0,14,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,4,50,10,2,0.2442405319604372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445716122866321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760559729312476,0.0,0.2776150456767684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757178315236065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990886318973117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425923418429578,0.2460466405429667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203829194968967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797767041580618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713602177826817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386676580920886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480381159233772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572828948421315
bpd,rafaelbencastro,2018/11/16,"My school admitted me to the ER I went to my therapy appointment today. I expressed my concerns of my suicidal ideation to my school therapist. They called in the director, and had me admitted to the er and made it seem like it was my choice. They also mentioned I would get a better shot at getting into a dbt program. I got to the er and the psychiatrist said they were sure I wouldn’t kill my self, and that my school would have a better chance or placing me with a dbt program. I need to reach out to a few dbt programs tomorrow. I’m just upset that my school rushed to institutionalize me as soon as I expressed some anguish, but at least they saved themselves. I still love my school.",4.279264705882351,5.629533102941178,5.071352941176472,82.92658823529412,70.91176470588233,8.381176470588235,29.776470588235288,8.841846274778883,2.298993529411765,546,22,109,10,10,177,77,136,0.071,0.772,0.157,0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,2,4,9,1,2,10,0,7,1,0,1,1,21,19,9,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,7,1,26,6,17,9,3,12,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,3,5,77,30,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431345576363852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528473370366484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459633263477977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936623610072725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432656572733853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814800424188735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698359453813444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901388462349497,0.13525847779770556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105992268703453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934761141927874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597389405427565,0.0,0.0,0.7233423309004267,0.0,0.13013220436356754,0.14912332009075735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141564520209359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156359163776141,0.0,0.13472443152137833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347062428721573,0.1659707300412539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549560922295725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251190024462878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030887479009295,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bpdthrowawaytest,2018/11/16,"Only seems to come out during relationships. I'm new to this idea, but for years I've struggled with the idea of having something wrong with me but I've always been too afraid to go to anyone about it for the fear of over reacting.

My relationship suffers because of my inability to distract myself from my overbearing and stupid thoughts that lead me to hurt the one I love and act super irrationally and always lead to me coming out and realising a few hours later what a fucking idiot I have been. 

It already cost me the end of this relationship, and we got back together with the promise that I'd have change but in reality I'm still the envious, psychotic terrified mess I was in the beginning. I love her to the world and back and she'd do anything for me and me for anything for her and yet once something upsets me ill lash out, mostly purposefully emotionally hurting her in the process and act all salty as if she should pay for me feeling like shit. The thing is I know I'm being a cunt yet I just can't fucking help act this way and I can't change this perspective of my way. Yet once we talk it out or I finally get the result ""I wanted""(which it never is) , I end up feeling shit and grovel until were back to normal then rince and repeat.

I know I want to change, I know I'm being the worst boyfriend by doing this and I've thought many times I shouldn't be with her because she absolutely doesn't deserve it but how do I stop myself? Everytime I indulge and it's impossible not to, and it's impossible for me to empathise in these states until it has passed and my mind is freed from the angry clouded vision thay possessed it previously.

Thanks for reading, I haven't been able to find somewhere to talk about this before. ",5.046521739130434,5.916545130434784,5.822318840579713,80.03608695652177,68.71014492753623,8.666666666666668,29.78260869565217,8.841846274778883,2.2716956521739142,1390,51,271,23,23,455,172,345,0.233,0.674,0.09300000000000001,-0.9959,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,3,12,26,8,5,16,0,25,7,2,5,2,62,49,28,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,20,29,0,1,11,1,2,9,7,19,0,1,8,2,42,7,49,35,4,45,0,3,0,4,17,11,5,4,23,192,62,4,0.09877075537700727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899598464894927,0.0,0.1643703616678264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906280869405397,0.0,0.16255983172301033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784584239011854,0.0,0.12041947144163365,0.0,0.08404663801595526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31345908796224725,0.17016451999383825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110380561890812,0.17496314510128744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114455970368098,0.09988292329550996,0.07056184737666409,0.0,0.10819853463913008,0.09027468103147884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262394355058975,0.05160364307189486,0.0,0.05613369645370411,0.0,0.07899599595521145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620395533104056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726929819279267,0.0,0.2114722729128768,0.22300032080595286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284547223038773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825440197364248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828892599100699,0.0,0.0,0.10013804326922264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973030655345612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617809557067225,0.0953934110226472,0.0,0.0,0.09677436925243324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037526189555428,0.06692962005070079,0.07511961024491118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879748414614696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31812848205476163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991718612508738,0.0,0.0,0.20277352204120824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207710598346225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887845283146402,0.08257677415683848,0.0,0.1032566389502139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877638360464227,0.0,0.09093484128165608,0.0,0.0,0.06561890104104279,0.0,0.0,0.15682589393781338,0.05759402175370714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825755058338936,0.15679925643606646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799031571181693,0.0,0.0636051281363739
bpd,PointlessActivities,2018/11/16,"I just blocked the guy I was flirting with... For no reason! 
So before then, I was exchanging friendly and flirty chit chat with an American guy from a mutual Facebook group who happened to add me and say hi while went on for about a week. 
He was really respectful and charming and we complimented each others selfies. Cute shit...
Things could have easily developed into something more BUT today for no reason whatsoever, I just blocked him and left the Facebook group he is in.
Not the first time something like this has happened online and irl... I am fed up with not being consistent or being able to rely on my feelings. 

Anyone else here done something similar? ",5.883875114784208,7.704614669421492,6.134325068870528,75.0285583103765,67.59504132231405,9.014141414141417,31.626262626262626,9.444778638647367,3.16605160697888,529,22,86,11,9,169,88,121,0.067,0.7879999999999999,0.145,0.7918,0,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,6,0,11,2,1,2,0,25,16,11,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,13,1,2,3,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,6,2,9,7,15,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,13,6,1,1,7,66,13,0,0.18097703098458048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654334798998146,0.18543235511976194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399812377970526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449543300614845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852023365803059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118308692221824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150742461715544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393897010332505,0.0,0.0,0.1398224052057511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35839142768602755,0.3200747816276825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966320736963927,0.0,0.0,0.08841623583613119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593852023045,0.37214905906819096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439201989250778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577032159585466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41797488056907134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023309775803748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055291621458396,0.0,0.1715450642845817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516885788960365,0.0,0.0,0.16776752085399266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CzzCCzzC,2018/11/16,"How do I get over her? I'm one of those rare males with BPD. 19 years old, recently diagnosed.

How do I get over my ex-girlfriend? She knows about my BPD, she knows about the extreme jealousy I experience. She cheated on me twice (this was a long distance relationship by the way), causing us to break up, only for me to be unable to resist and get back again with her for a week or two longer, only to break up again. I kept crawling back to her because I have no self control, and we just kept dragging on the inevitable. Now we've broken up and cut contact for what (I hope) is the final time.

I know that she will never respect me and that she's unhealthy for me.  I know that she cheated on me and I could never trust her again. But how the fuck do I learn to stop obsessing over her? When will I stop being so insanely in love with her even though she's done nothing but hurt me? Seriously, when I'm thinking rationally, it all seems perfectly clear that she's not a good part of my life. But at night, when I get emotional, all I can think about is the time we spent together. And I know I'll end up messaging her again, despite what she's done to me.

Why am I so fucking weak and pathetic? How do I fix this? How do I stop being so fucking obsessed? ",2.739324324324322,4.00363392664093,4.039650579150578,89.16565347490351,74.59845559845559,7.187722007722008,26.07741312741313,7.734863291789972,1.2496222393822398,973,34,215,13,20,320,134,259,0.17,0.765,0.065,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,3,0,0,2,24,17,6,2,9,0,19,7,0,7,6,47,41,23,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,10,12,0,6,9,0,1,0,4,11,0,3,6,0,46,6,32,29,3,40,0,1,0,4,25,12,3,3,25,158,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773121981846945,0.0,0.07044993445361551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29111081766377633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872144183732199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962072681321604,0.09227263212184887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730034326340752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23653490931653515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999983689835615,0.10236004158312972,0.0,0.0,0.07633239135350814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130488901903674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660045060899586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205256931982749,0.24152062642094216,0.0,0.0,0.0969339931988001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478632937924416,0.0,0.0,0.12371925891312607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175691524344962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162997017497116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227513836091423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430574889178036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826824102466968,0.0,0.0,0.10845390043960992,0.0,0.11089180021975234,0.0,0.12127047382932313,0.0,0.07831270622812317,0.17579122560756996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251502219810272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411067957113005,0.12407811040453505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520989326607884,0.1205639193385118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898631719817833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810420170916075,0.11354618898367146,0.0,0.1347787034403455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289435208796797,0.0,0.13901556294597214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173348135521987,0.09270267122578453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428326112252263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442279980930246
bpd,gotawaythrowaway12,2018/11/16,"DAE look for validation in all the wrong places, even though you know you shouldn’t? What are your vices? And how do you defend against them when you’re on one? Me, all the fucking time.  I can shift where I look for it, but right now it’s men.  Honestly thought I was improving but have felt myself falling off the wagon the past few weeks.  I know what I should and should not be doing, so why am I behaving this way??

I seek emotional (and sexual) validation from men but also know it’s toxic while it’s happening.  In the moment, it feels sooo good, and I stop caring about it being dysfunctional, until I can’t stop myself from caring and wanting more attention than anyone could possibly give another person under reasonable circumstances.  The point of no return, where I know I have to stop and give up on that shiny new FP.

So anyway, I find I will be more likely to hold myself accountable for my behavior in the future if I say things out loud (or type it on a throwaway) and then acknowledge it and send it out in to the Reddit abyss.

Anyone else fighting their vices tonight?",5.224,6.1381047333333365,5.656190476190478,81.22714285714288,68.33333333333334,9.23809523809524,26.42857142857143,9.424239791934726,2.0968571428571425,854,24,166,17,14,274,133,210,0.085,0.81,0.106,0.8229,0,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,4,2,0,13,8,2,0,9,0,17,1,0,2,2,39,33,22,0,6,6,0,2,1,0,4,0,2,0,3,14,10,0,4,11,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,3,7,25,5,25,22,5,36,0,0,3,1,14,17,1,2,17,125,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435402698476192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499440067251351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999725663507748,0.1465165278411268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915883568371506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417084747312675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945499451722172,0.16085150286440306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444765593087297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230318634485386,0.0,0.13729879781945148,0.0,0.13069595621526373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219770292970526,0.0,0.2743500119934767,0.0,0.11993844651409695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645108676775113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143479355125825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986073099878114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016162374279945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810664217016866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689794072604248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650607415668936,0.0,0.12485878533561315,0.14940061668385296,0.0,0.1351776501525093,0.16120675460726644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702393209318296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221179921785844,0.0,0.11371633509744172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586537333486633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950003358567764,0.0,0.14049306197844946,0.11352302735009888,0.08338224693099362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434287657687932,0.11350374501244773,0.11470294380346753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903184861896427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634392071706799,0.0,0.0
bpd,morbexx,2019/01/04,"Coping Methods This is my first time posting anything like this, ever. I even made an alias email for this account because I am pretty uncomfortable doing this.

I am going to keep this as simple as possible. I have not been diagnosed with BPD. My life has been a hell of a ride and I know many of you can relate. I do not know what plagues me, but I do know that I display behaviors very similar to what characterize BPD and I am posting here for a reason. 

I am very familiar with the mental health care system. I am not looking to have another diagnose slapped on me, start taking medications, or go back to therapy. I’d rather approach the symptoms as they are and develop coping skills. And that is what brought me here.

For those of you who experience the symptoms associated with BPD, and have proven some level of success in overcoming them, what coping skills have you utilized?

I hope this post can help others as well. 
",4.106268939393939,6.232612392045457,5.076909090909091,79.56203030303031,72.80681818181819,8.102424242424242,29.34696969696969,8.841846274778883,2.5493701515151517,735,31,133,15,15,240,105,176,0.026000000000000002,0.8440000000000001,0.13,0.9620000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,4,7,6,1,0,7,0,20,7,0,2,1,23,33,11,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,15,8,0,1,4,0,1,5,3,1,1,1,4,1,22,5,20,29,1,17,1,0,1,0,8,3,1,3,6,103,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353061213535148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618612351604532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922117703254593,0.0,0.07865951097947782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875512249059321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156140901250796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619388565904053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522745439478448,0.11672098816924707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622255063986973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975846226563163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466689418134159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715986705787936,0.0,0.0,0.08649051002969921,0.0,0.0,0.12816245474359333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469365500786195,0.0,0.0,0.2127454149651043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114236351007796,0.06304076270079956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835824157403016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209754669397407,0.0,0.13082285480411984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299907946891321,0.13003853859409956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546937339003818,0.3707441686131519,0.131276607178804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267111125113365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133276648563886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682368600353483,0.09701946105925537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475645926745746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524227655630959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293741028632415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601939608129272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LifeinHD93,2019/01/04,"After another abandonment Leave, now. 
Because I know you will. 
My life follows patterns. 
This is just another one of them. 
You’ll fall me. 
Of course you will. 
Because it’s written that way. 
Then I’ll fall for you. 
Inevitably. 
We’ll dance around in circles. 
Skirting the truth. 
I’ll put you on a pedestal. 
You’ll kiss my forehead. 
We’ll entwine fingers. 
Spin yarn. 
Open up Pandora’s box.
Those things you couldn’t tell your friends.
Those things we wouldn’t tell our parents. 
Days will pass.
Hearts will swell. 
Then a night. 
An hour. 
A minute. 
You’ll see it. 
That one thing I don’t seem to be able to hide. 
That one thing I can’t seem to see.
Or fix. 
A shadow, that only those I really love will witness. 
This thing has followed me. 
Day after day. 
Night after night. 
Through thick and through thin. 
I wear it like a shroud. 
A cloak. 
Yet I’ve never seen it. 
I know it’s there. 
And when you see it. 
Which you will. 
It will tell you. 
It will tell you to run. 
Jump ship. 
Abandon hope. 
Get out. 
And for some reason. 
Somehow. 
People keep listening. 
They keep running. 
They keep answering its command. 
Until there’s no one left. 
And there I am. 
Alone. 
Again. 
With the only thing that keeps me warm. 
That shadow. ",-0.8128973277074536,0.4561949746835481,0.06259493670886229,102.4309106891702,118.24050632911393,2.9369901547116744,16.20323488045007,5.1859237379243,-0.810629254571027,927,28,201,7,54,280,133,237,0.059000000000000004,0.8540000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.8221,2,1,1,0,0,0,56.0,4,13,3,0,10,9,0,0,9,0,21,7,4,1,2,30,40,9,0,3,2,1,4,1,1,14,1,1,0,0,27,9,0,6,6,1,0,10,6,2,0,4,2,9,32,7,20,22,1,38,0,2,4,2,28,9,0,6,19,127,59,0,0.10282991045125106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650077534910717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156522540263922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154042150864257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536831795672113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895035600444586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944613373401482,0.0,0.053724384062739904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185393899144772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213330324797397,0.1012667482863992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655997966322361,0.0,0.0,0.1130252590990484,0.0,0.0,0.10888202770092074,0.11172499858154157,0.0,0.07263180679345717,0.05023750010707548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928080089300036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930876620290178,0.0,0.0,0.2894967152079829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787208343230696,0.15641356118281313,0.0,0.0,0.11418044645666105,0.0,0.0,0.0712893124136997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337246181535156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587547374541414,0.10572627424128732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582637558878145,0.18722497690695228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595114965846549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40989373983449545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162159657785137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayaccount0383,2019/01/04,"Is this a trait of BPD? First off, sorry for the inevitability ignorant post this will be. I’m just ignorant to the topic so I don’t know much. 

I’ve been experiencing unstable shifts in personality recently and I’m not sure why. It’s lessened recently, but if I take a liking to a particular TV show character I’ll try to be them and I’ll pursue everything they do and swear that I’m them, until I eventually get bored. 

This is bad because I sign up for stuff and never see it through. I’m unhappy with my “true” self honestly. There’s things about myself I don’t want to accept and I think they’re making me try to abandon ship and just be a new person. 

However, I’m not suicidal, I don’t fear abandonment and I’m actually very cautious, the opposite of impulsive. I only ask because I googled unstable identity and all that came up was BPD. I’m also 17 if that matters. And male ",1.2245863261505718,3.689044988826815,4.148810853950522,80.49953445065178,85.14525139664805,8.325724926842247,25.28358606012237,8.976282227363876,2.5628625166267627,699,30,139,22,21,249,109,179,0.179,0.685,0.136,-0.6179,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,6,12,0,1,7,0,12,0,0,1,4,33,28,15,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,10,11,0,4,3,2,0,1,6,7,0,1,3,2,15,5,17,21,2,12,0,2,1,0,8,4,0,2,7,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.15758509579625465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913870149178586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096574714762173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348324000651253,0.196878302794514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067669058265971,0.0,0.0,0.1846946833716825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451314123093795,0.0,0.0,0.18171440230835306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735821326063824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436872828272493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874738668828844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889292860365753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779182814597113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870932521494988,0.0,0.12454642082814288,0.15596225955053475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281586353558956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820032111371349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465703972861775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31889194928185977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868184561257773,0.0,0.1684630369191403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807681241572656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848605524981049,0.17663729297225153,0.0,0.1521967648486043,0.0,0.1214158758015167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728279831774032,0.10347243079563824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192740803718803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324121716688586,0.09524745081930122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571419845107975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Booshcraft,2019/01/04,"Stopped 420 for the New Year Not a rant, just wanting to open up and chat about some issues and i know there is a big group of us that smoke because it helps with BPD.


So I decided to clean up for the new year. I truly believe I have BPD or many of the symptoms and want to get diagnosed while clean. I keep thinking that maybe I a wrong, maybe its just the weed that makes me this way.



This is the first time in 5 year I will be with out my ""meds"". I will say I am chronic (smoked 20 out of the last 27 year, I am in my 40s, so started when I was 21). I vape from the minute I get up til bed time. I cant even remember what I was like when I was clean the last time.


I am now about 4 days cleanish and I have no doubt now about my personality issues. I cant stop yell at every dam thing, computer takes to long I yell. 20 seconds later I am laughing at a youtube video. (I have to be real careful which videos I watch I get trigger by vids way to much) I still am walled off from the world and have no desire to do anything about that.



The only upside is am down 5 lbs and have not finished a full meal I a couple days (I had been over 350 LBS most of my life but amazingly lost a ton of weight this year, down to 230!!!) weed does mess with you appetite control, will admit that.


They say you don’t have withdrawls when you stop THC, BS, at my intake level, my skin crawls when I don’t smoke. 


I am in a hyper mode right now (hence the post) and the fact that I also have high caffeine intake (to counter the depression I get from so much weed) I am bouncing off the walls. I had to take a muscle relaxer just to sleep last night and still only got a few hours. 


I really don’t know where I am going with this, I am sure there are many others like me on this sub.


I hate weed cuz of the cost and the fact that I never get anything done. I hate being sober all the time because its too real, and I cant just smoke a little, I have to smoke as much as possible. I have to blot out the sun cause I cant take it all the time.


Feel free to chime in, and add comment, tell me how you manage you symptoms",2.0582812708583624,2.7834717951541883,3.394837805366439,95.2270077426245,75.54185022026431,6.3840875717527705,21.466826858897342,6.273863323946077,-0.0008787077826726275,1601,35,396,10,33,524,213,454,0.07,0.838,0.09300000000000001,0.4635,0,0,5,0,0,0,50.0,1,5,1,3,27,15,2,1,30,0,44,9,2,6,6,59,68,27,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,3,5,4,4,1,20,20,2,5,7,4,2,1,12,7,0,2,9,8,59,9,56,53,10,73,0,2,1,0,16,30,0,4,41,264,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762333227613608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917285412733918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030950964663524,0.0,0.0,0.09527119281294932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130030216650224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862154873867218,0.08686735192707491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484225527310916,0.0,0.0935650428302203,0.0,0.10906958780114398,0.0,0.0728321912136332,0.08582754759154093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399982557939452,0.08653517381802417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055851686102551236,0.0,0.07124621702338321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275653882720688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192747014551112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208979368876744,0.0,0.0480579160631222,0.0,0.06763108761364636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669727915062272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667939810395103,0.08934324822700973,0.0,0.0,0.08327546666953148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651924894414409,0.0,0.0751616255928608,0.0,0.0,0.09294493361531278,0.2067852930128887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059727874234397016,0.08262438236676799,0.08475225065356083,0.0,0.07483374780405397,0.0,0.0,0.09230822655015604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056445066638917775,0.17146298862133966,0.16990560749683742,0.0,0.09392811242349704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648600420836028,0.0,0.0652185897966513,0.16333891510894016,0.0,0.0793546893598277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862477092780786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383532833058888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532972488513546,0.0809859806982582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924976654633188,0.054171886735328405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579103125724184,0.07221455841767085,0.0,0.13449246548253946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462198275734684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598526500745243,0.0,0.1350609101073479,0.21209013116385675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969766059142823,0.1757823346269631,0.1907378504989757,0.0,0.07390996590133858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056178513755736535,0.0541832191921026,0.0,0.0,0.24654074451163716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171636768289263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975243580435454,0.13424103489744812,0.0,0.1029724122589198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245408472946028,0.0,0.2722722804904721
bpd,LightningWolf150,2019/01/04,"It's a confusing world for me, and I don't know how to handle it. This is my first post on this subreddit, so I'm a little nervous - but here goes. 


I've always been dealing with obsessive thoughts, splitting, dissociation and the irrational fear of abandonment for as long as I remember. Even before I came across the subreddit, I knew I had a complete lack of emotional autonomy -- it's as if my emotions are completely tied to other people, whether I want it or not. Something clicked when I took a look into BPD, I realised the impulsivity, obsessions, paranoia (and at times, suicidal thoughts) which stemmed from the fear of rejection/abandonment (things as simple as being left on read) wasn't normal. 


Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to seek official help as of now. I come from a conservative family (and narcissist parent), let's just say they'll likely disown me if I so much as brought this up. I'll be off to university in the next 6 months, and I plan to have it officially checked up there.

But as of the past few months, it's turning my life into a complete wreck. I'm trapped in a vicious cycle of overthinking friendships, shrinking into a shell because I fear people despise my existence, and being mad when people do end up straying away. Even thinking of it makes me feel disgusted at myself. I feel lost and confused; it's starting to impact my social, personal and academic life. I want to mend my relationships before it's too late, but I don't know what's real and what's a figment of my paranoid imagination anymore. I don't know how I'll hold up until I'm in a safe place to seek help. 


Something I want to clarify is that I'm NOT self-diagnosing, nor am I asking for one. I'm not in a position to seek professional help until a while, and I'd like advice on how to keep myself sane and not tear apart everything I've worked to build for.",7.831660561660563,6.643175230769232,8.570293040293041,69.6358180708181,63.17582417582418,12.044932844932845,38.35409035409035,11.20814326018867,4.292144566544566,1480,66,276,36,18,502,190,364,0.191,0.7290000000000001,0.079,-0.9928,1,1,2,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,1,4,14,17,4,8,19,0,17,2,0,4,0,58,46,37,1,7,13,1,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,18,17,0,5,11,1,1,4,10,14,0,2,10,5,31,3,57,31,3,46,0,2,2,0,11,25,0,5,18,185,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768428145843157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831785818366524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913805366152068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345343670115154,0.0,0.09392006241307972,0.0,0.0,0.060937511838516124,0.0,0.1701250782043882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590195459575818,0.0,0.0,0.1143329081439695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611067900797008,0.3144330442848025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305914617578024,0.0,0.10146199725682024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489351229175467,0.08853899289104104,0.0,0.0,0.13205139331475793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984176549890306,0.0,0.09423775843985198,0.3374640085185467,0.10109024309637288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502986492547926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101255702806867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885315803282495,0.0,0.0,0.1648138423643189,0.0,0.11276445906644153,0.0,0.10861186517747153,0.10222060904694248,0.14121595179595625,0.0976753395884018,0.10019082293070726,0.0,0.08846555363025235,0.08394511415715501,0.0,0.1091232045168788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672716810847522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958163111319992,0.0,0.07348550660941434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631352022257218,0.0,0.09794411487420293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773862175875428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099889383666764,0.0,0.09542755249273603,0.2079086673557753,0.08728526086038349,0.10444176406890583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573848469436434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999168386467328,0.1137816362768154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073246040655334,0.1132404411332401,0.0,0.0,0.07949588766531017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428491266838112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190135349690868,0.0,0.1539153151112483,0.0,0.0,0.07075548105575058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093450825087055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641205963035768,0.06405329980064156,0.0,0.15872150332520565,0.058290180822548734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106438434510936,0.0,0.10873281406622844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688518987125432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277544268034873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Faded_Fairy,2019/01/04,"Any relationship success stories? Partner after partner ... I just keep getting the same results. People fall in love a specific part of me, then when my BPD starts to show, they just get scared off. 

They'll put on a brave face at first, but sooner or later they can't handle the dissociation, the crying fits, the mania, the personality changes...

And I get it. It's a lot to take on, but I do believe I am a good person who is worthy of love. It seems like I only receive love when I ""pass"" as healthy.

Anyway, sorry for rambling...

I'm just wondering, have any of you found that special unicorn who can accept all of you? Healthy days and bad days? ",2.5478571428571435,4.760767357142857,3.957380952380955,85.39178571428573,77.80952380952381,5.787301587301588,25.579365079365076,6.816661863887847,1.086869841269841,501,19,97,5,12,165,90,126,0.08,0.632,0.28800000000000003,0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,3,2,6,11,0,1,9,0,7,4,1,1,1,17,20,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,4,1,0,4,1,2,0,1,1,0,13,9,14,18,4,19,0,0,0,3,16,6,0,4,10,65,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564100198380935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385230230233854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691714792316072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895045046202926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755045768771704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223790219568373,0.2139888845201232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111797259979147,0.0,0.18190532099284049,0.0,0.0,0.26003418951342666,0.0,0.0,0.1391525172889023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474632181489433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105238028892307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410457629098852,0.4492048778872044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617757070229468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965801111905932,0.0,0.11501703802887342,0.2897221831707342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667794788475155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811895325338886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609898148772584,0.0,0.0,0.1510328937099109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571609652009666,0.11742780075754887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473926260256675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991595756512832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lacilynnn,2019/01/04,"Will I ever feel truly good enough? This isn't meant to be as much of a downer post as it sounds. It is just an honest question that has seriously been emanating in my thoughts lately.   


The feeling that I am not good enough, or that I somehow fall short, is one that I have never truly been able to shake. It seems that no matter what accomplishments I make in life, I still feel ""not good enough"". Even if I feel good for a short amount of time, the feeling is always very fleeting. Not sure if this stems from self-esteem issues (I have plenty of those) or simply the never-ending fear of the judgment of others. I always seem to let others' opinions get the best of me and I hate it. ",4.505417680454176,5.131130766423361,5.07513381995134,85.78882400648827,69.80291970802921,6.9648012976480125,23.2514193025142,6.42735559955562,0.5335862124898618,533,11,109,3,9,171,84,137,0.098,0.708,0.19399999999999998,0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,1,2,8,0,13,1,0,1,3,26,25,7,0,2,8,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,15,1,0,0,10,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,4,6,12,7,15,18,6,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,9,5,84,27,1,0.13587707838136967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261212281982048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259461081168967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034676099233715,0.4211920326015241,0.0,0.08974552878364812,0.1229085965054947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289948925545482,0.3435176673950927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099016533467091,0.0,0.0,0.4558689868078947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415048418317752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141820367856907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327526280313505,0.0,0.0,0.13894351859866605,0.09597399882336477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906990049223695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998852868273236,0.0,0.20959355880777772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920738248376441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301326811957339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221342471737093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24739477794446116,0.14174942644144692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851161031493928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806253833527012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787122261786984,0.0792310170986959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211281986345616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Horror_Relationship,2019/01/04,Does anyone want to talk? Having a mental breakdown... I am probably in the middle of an episode right now but have no one to help me. I think I just got dumped and I'm freaking out. I hurt him so much and I keep doing it for no fucking reason. BPD fucks with my brain so hard. Help please.,-0.8997996357012745,1.2326616065573788,0.981202185792352,100.09981785063756,96.86885245901638,3.3668488160291434,14.974499089253184,5.033348758259628,-1.0953621129326048,222,5,51,1,9,72,51,61,0.306,0.542,0.151,-0.9229,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,3,0,4,3,1,1,0,10,11,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,8,0,7,10,1,5,0,1,0,2,4,4,2,0,1,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536518908649655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798491276056185,0.24804514593337795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444594231089368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108347757351184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777111021219474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199044714771468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978677013802554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378663009001618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749875083613647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392214225914175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334023552160468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056632174821713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439053936548216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395657626547177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284553469182309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975487780067246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859339438745706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237475603158434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105744659475016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MyGloriousMane,2019/01/04,"Started off my 2019 by getting stood up and ghosted (I don’t know if this post should go here because it doesn’t directly relate to BPD, but I do have BPD so i figured I’d post it here and if it shouldn’t go here I can delete it)

Alright so this story starts out 2 years ago when I was 17. I met this guy that i really started to like, we began hanging out a lot, and despite doing everything like we were dating he refused to say that we were together (he repeatedly told me that I was just fuckbuddy). He was great and almost immediately became my FP. We were “together” for like 5 months, and I became more clingy and was often wicked upset because i knew he didn’t care about me at all despite how much I cared for him. Like I can admit that I was being shitty with basing my entire self image off of what he thought of me, and showing him how upset and angry I would get whenever he left me on read for any amount of time or cancelled plans on me. Eventually, he just out of the blue ghosted me, and I kinda admit I deserved it (even though I wasn’t the only one being shitty). I texted him after he blocked me on everything else, very obviously upset and wondering why. He avoided the question, and tried to make me think I was crazy for being upset.

2 years later, i’m 19 and he’s now 20, I find him on tinder. I swiped right for some stupid reason, and he did too. He apologized for ghosting me, said he was a dick back then, and admitted that we were more than just fuckbuddies. We then started talking through snapchat for about 3 weeks, and then we made plans to meet up at noon on new year’s day. I’m obsessive when it comes to plans, so I made sure I kept going over them with him to make sure he was still down and wouldnt cancel on me because cancelling plans is a surefire way to make me unreasonably upset for a long-ass time and I know it it, and each time he assured me that he was and that he was excited to see me. January 1st comes around. He doesn’t text me until 1pm, saying that he had just woken up. Despite me having had several thoughts earlier in the day that he had forgotten about me and that I should hate him now because of it, once I got this text my mood immediately changed and I was excited and happy once again. I told him that it was fine and that I was ready whenever he was. 2pm comes around. He doesn’t reply to my text. 3pm, 4pm, 5pm. Still no reply. My dumb self finally realizes that it’s not going to happen and that I was being stood up. My mood goes south once again as I just start angry crying and freaking out. However, despite me freaking out I don’t text him again (which is really weird for me because i’m usually a spammer when it comes to texting). The next day he still hasn’t read my message or replied to me, but he’s watched my entire snapchat story. I send him an angry text where I basically call him an asshole, but he never replied to or read that either. After several days with no response, and sending him one more angry text that he never read, I blocked him from snapchat. 

So that’s where I am now. I’m still so fucking upset and fuming over this incident. I wanna add him back on snapchat just to tell him how much of an asshole he is, or to message him again on tinder and tell him the same thing. I didn’t even do anything he was just being malicious, and it makes me wonder if the only reason he matched with me on tinder was to fuck with my head and do that. Before this happened, he was flirting with me and being great but then he just hits me with this shit. I literally let the same guy ghost me and make me feel like shit twice and Im so pissed about it. But guess what? If he did the same thing again, I’d probably end up letting him ghost me a third time. 
I honestly don’t know if any of this makes any sense, and im sorry if it doesn’t. I’m just feeling a lot right now and wanted a place to rant.",3.996492708035461,4.3476103952912055,5.143045229244116,85.83093615956534,70.82156133828997,8.09121151463159,27.29122581260128,8.012643519586192,1.4915502049375655,3027,95,658,38,52,1004,297,807,0.175,0.731,0.094,-0.9977,1,1,0,0,0,0,77.0,7,0,1,4,52,41,9,8,20,1,63,7,5,13,7,148,126,69,5,13,26,0,2,5,0,5,0,3,0,4,46,62,0,5,20,5,0,11,18,20,0,4,45,8,101,19,83,67,15,106,0,0,3,3,82,36,7,20,61,436,147,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054530036830544866,0.0,0.061599178477203836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549854148553466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062225428463515,0.10952419170703458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460369185439503,0.0,0.1874972752963567,0.0,0.05234540705802327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495396992083751,0.0,0.06281450021169781,0.0,0.12543889692083382,0.0,0.06507554988816909,0.2119616269295543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675722075564466,0.1586903837823998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138854961994637,0.0,0.054484731731566975,0.0,0.0,0.08126119921409494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057285229169106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622084642702333,0.043946893187998895,0.0,0.06738754187516352,0.056224318273491176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374071455282153,0.06427892337020037,0.0,0.13984336601223002,0.0,0.04919979742014794,0.13564275289635766,0.06776657883920148,0.12182060864045112,0.10879642116469047,0.0654847031121511,0.0,0.06073410769107147,0.06313294859367155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289522029930634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142240942269992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683708661947572,0.1258081276848046,0.0,0.15026754033708553,0.0,0.0,0.05443953900583132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459705090404467,0.0,0.11641545715412632,0.24637360793598898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910131726474818,0.0,0.09044236856634423,0.0,0.09488954027631287,0.05941233401490555,0.06542274132137192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965369284034391,0.08336938367784988,0.09357106171369887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427090834282287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783024596583118,0.0,0.06632442684040786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891176416619207,0.0,0.2461297511011397,0.0,0.07881718148526635,0.1264969566191041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506829833143022,0.05851560395729871,0.09783965170097343,0.0,0.0,0.04902012073447652,0.0,0.12834877165090436,0.13899066749943384,0.12629015035462934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886189134878147,0.2177059664889537,0.0,0.19650635975641265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595580950458614,0.0,0.0,0.04944406241096798,0.1075350250301806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173671587057335,0.03941683480016997,0.060438952058190325,0.09767333291612236,0.14348140908309154,0.0,0.0,0.11756194848508428,0.0,0.041765183902212615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775095260217916,0.05075696980593308,0.03628360719095013,0.04882837135605075,0.04934425674724398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550843296345472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342250191459495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369905275938807,0.0,0.0,0.11884245706452293
bpd,allthereis_isnow,2019/01/04,"Advice please: BF is planning on moving across the world and it's triggering my BPD My boyfriend of 9 months just told me he's planning on moving from the US to Europe for school next year. He tells me he loves me and that this has nothing to do with our relationship but that it is something he needs to do for himself. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. I thought he was the person I would be with for the rest of my life. Its like my worst fears of abandonment are coming true. I'm feeling heart broken, rejected, depressed, anxious and like my world is crumbling. I can't function through my daily life. He hasn't even applied yet but I already feel like our relationship is over and my BPD wants to just break everything off now so its easier in the future. I'm projecting all these negative pessimistic thoughts onto him and our relationship now and its making everything worse. What do I do? Has anyone experienced anything like this? Any advice or ways to cope? Thanks so much ",3.998750000000001,5.987974708333336,4.4545833333333364,84.49875,72.75,7.508333333333333,27.625,8.278499904357787,1.8793687500000005,792,30,152,13,16,250,112,192,0.204,0.667,0.129,-0.9738,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,4,0,0,2,8,12,0,1,5,0,18,4,1,2,2,28,33,12,0,3,5,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,0,1,12,10,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,4,3,21,7,23,27,4,21,0,3,0,1,20,9,0,1,11,102,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468114853054784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936033421140084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587917590598065,0.0,0.0,0.14266784110215386,0.0,0.08830248318027542,0.0,0.10392305987799608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181069456897748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878466969972228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877040951699814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341106684226976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22699639342371195,0.0,0.0,0.14210746419669407,0.12770853547776234,0.09021912747205554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965015473268972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940377821541764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839983204676793,0.2467888925588204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397853045836015,0.0,0.08429724427102084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080070921973336,0.2684452067184916,0.09283513562216823,0.09363986722842343,0.0,0.0,0.13430716509571156,0.0,0.0,0.12117533849493747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102685332613864,0.0,0.1386246948072311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067534388914261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780871785228173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097221546206575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037999989448527,0.11626767640375132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051480852772915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067219826969985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190715510669414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448707166403855,0.10024037514504902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869677045756614,0.08971033275189373,0.0,0.0,0.08132438954694547
bpd,minniesmom55,2019/01/04,"BPD and Postpartum Depression Hi everyone! 
I was diagnosed with BPD, OCD, PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and postpartum depression/psychosis after I gave birth to my first son around 3 years ago. After much medication and therapy, I am functioning fairly well.

I am now 22 weeks pregnant with my second son. As a preventative measure, I’ve stayed on a low-dose of my antidepressant throughout this pregnancy. I will stay on only that one medication after I give birth so that I am able to breastfeed safely.

Has anyone else experienced a link in BPD and postpartum depression or psychosis? I feel that I can handle postpartum depression as I have more experience with depression in general and know the signs. However, the psychosis is what I am most worried about. Is there any link between having BPD and an increased risk of postpartum psychosis? 

I’m just looking for any personal experience or advice.

TIA.",6.890283653846152,9.46727826875,7.573750000000004,62.68394230769232,66.3125,12.173076923076925,37.93269230769232,11.661520659325953,5.8267836538461575,753,41,107,29,13,249,101,160,0.177,0.755,0.068,-0.9539,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,6,0,12,3,0,0,0,22,18,11,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,2,3,14,2,20,15,5,18,0,5,1,0,6,5,0,3,10,76,19,0,0.1100442196461636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753393783429424,0.09754756102805102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496676858729501,0.0,0.08418352682504054,0.0,0.0,0.07694547703214832,0.11275330745172348,0.0,0.09796268621448463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543873694552442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739046256593304,0.11169256652823026,0.0,0.0,0.2522404189971748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192782494852128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515196771333962,0.0,0.21528872528831172,0.0,0.0,0.055641663911941266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360355701491108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556444282254364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604774252125633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240942915784822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171594810886466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089516329012529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745688111990296,0.08369358782336042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608636799160766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863580390812934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23458499258697174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584515561422704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827083523514839,0.0,0.09894296924139163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117552467242172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086486951066577
bpd,DiscoDoggies,2019/01/04,"Hi chicks, I need help Yeah.... Just that. I can't share anything, but I'm serious.",-2.4044117647058805,-1.6642280588235268,-0.05014705882352821,102.99183823529414,123.7058823529412,4.052941176470589,16.014705882352942,5.985473137389443,-0.38557647058823497,61,2,15,1,4,20,15,17,0.196,0.6779999999999999,0.125,-0.0114,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6355992786075076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177070596514002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5727066940596359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BigDunce,2019/01/04,"Everyone thinks. I can change but i cant... Everyone I know with the exception of my dog makes fun of me for not changing. Even my teachers, the person outside of my family I would expect to help makes fun of me for not changing. As a result of this, I started messing normal things up like writing and working. I seem to mess up everything. I used to love to cook I could make risotto unsupervised and not I can't make an egg waffle without getting burned. The people that should support me don't. Everyone thinks I can change at the drop of a hat but I can't. I high key want to die but won't because I love my dogs. What should I do anything could help.",0.5427436347673407,2.9557616940298526,2.3662071992976297,92.13739683933277,88.77611940298506,5.2424934152765585,22.807726075504828,6.794906146795322,0.7784517998244076,513,20,107,7,17,169,77,134,0.085,0.6829999999999999,0.23199999999999998,0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,7,0,13,4,0,6,0,30,28,6,1,8,8,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,0,0,21,6,20,22,0,6,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,2,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089903793362106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073681999285587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604340595299641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211492003439512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745627997975327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747821538982478,0.0,0.0,0.3796686321646809,0.11903240270372575,0.0,0.12485670501038686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919668375542637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177549253800471,0.13993468160797262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727879271832932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470559817889912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390723153345251,0.0,0.35363041237938303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297672998679934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918202058951812,0.11564525989819036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057232245806665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937447618905794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029622958080294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799011219788533,0.169729927590649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438935660444915,0.0,0.0,0.0781190835396677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276715852653945,0.0,0.0964210326006444,0.0,0.0,0.09408463538780776,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FlamingBrad1234,2019/01/04,"i think i have BPD but unsure I did some research on Google and I have basically all the symptoms. I have suicidal thoughts and I am depressed. but I need to doctor's diagnosis for BPD,from what I've read about it,and I'm only a teenager. it's hard to talk about stuff like this with my parents. what can I do?",0.10772727272727424,2.3504900000000037,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,88.3939393939394,5.118181818181818,21.88636363636364,6.6274283507984215,0.4275818181818183,244,9,55,3,8,82,46,66,0.231,0.718,0.051,-0.9109,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,10,11,4,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,9,1,7,9,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,36,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5968510950229633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408148550653685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425245599252776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225732770070446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575998477795188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756926657854045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020832468769246,0.0,0.0,0.2631008054857664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701040305307114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27124680401625123,0.2591807745965524,0.0,0.0,0.2462779121340144,0.0,0.1904484461253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182561004948492,0.0,0.18810888077056825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BITMAKW,2019/01/04,"My wife is diagnosed with BPD , I want to understand my approach towards it , Pls help .. Dear Friends , 

​

I got married one year back to this amazing girl , it was a arrange marriage stuff (As it happens in India) , I am truly and genuinely love with her .  

​

After a month of marriage we started having argument on smallest of things , at first I thought it is something to do with adjusting with each other .But soon the arguments started getting bad to worst , at first I thought she is overreacting to every thing, every time i try to put my point of view things start to blow out of proportion , she also started abusing me verbally and physically , I became clueless on how to control the situation , I also spoke with her family about it but as per them she has always been aggressive but never been abusive or physical abusive with anyone , when I started to understand about  ,why she is reacting like that she said it is because of my family , my mother and my sisters interference in our family . Which was never the case. Just to be more clear , before marriage she was very close to my family as well , she use to talk to them more than me and be always available for them , she used to do things for them which was not even expected for her , everybody was very happy that we are going to make a wonderful couple , I was confident as well , but in no time things changed drastically as described

​

In order to find solution to this situation , i started meeting with various Psychiatrists, she also agreed to meet with them as initially i though we should start taking marriage counselling , we started having counselling one on one with psychiatrist . After that I came to know that she is suffering from BPD, after meeting with various psychiatrists and all coming up with the same answer , i started reading and understanding about BPD, I became aware about her situation but I'm still clueless on how to respond when the crisis happens . She is accusing me of things I never did or never  intent to do . She thinks I might go back to my old girlfriend whom i have not contacted in years. She also thinks my family is trying to create misunderstanding between us , but the truth is I rarely talk to them.

​

I need you help and support on how to handle the situation , do let me know if you need any more insight on this situation 

​",9.48376984126984,8.512495101851853,9.20415343915344,65.71333333333335,59.78703703703704,12.11746031746032,40.71031746031746,11.20814326018867,4.733987301587302,1892,87,307,42,21,614,203,432,0.07400000000000001,0.779,0.146,0.9875,0,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,6,2,6,3,22,14,1,0,10,0,33,2,0,9,7,77,72,32,0,6,12,3,0,1,2,2,1,2,0,1,24,27,0,2,14,1,0,6,7,4,2,5,15,3,64,10,77,52,9,55,0,1,1,1,54,18,0,5,31,263,88,1,0.0,0.19088763376605367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178491095842294,0.08937030880136962,0.290935606074442,0.3262747966641348,0.03651984587481465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755034957062851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258850353513922,0.04483971801623561,0.0327368183632312,0.0,0.04569725294139264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029109473701223,0.0,0.0,0.06142186534901141,0.0,0.0,0.05681059773293084,0.04626033411552346,0.0,0.0,0.060232422112303265,0.0,0.059421289998609426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450736130758417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035470290360825635,0.0,0.09049409897096604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531317974697452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908352113401476,0.09135939947440036,0.0,0.0,0.04149076404788736,0.0,0.0280575735784465,0.0,0.06104124533555544,0.0,0.042951152999567116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949786782930195,0.057167786250872175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199190744331488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059027471021187564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491490233825914,0.0,0.02623654752384701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846900685137226,0.0,0.03584713448833751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056970340725828815,0.0,0.0,0.04286518036464191,0.0,0.0,0.07964011025592484,0.16567609527585106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056352209627496576,0.0,0.1091715212742082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076664374511272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398629512405917,0.0,0.0,0.053717480313045136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108380095489536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30182181546058645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134315269934991,0.0,0.0,0.3421010040411589,0.0,0.0428872432705856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061477026607379484,0.0,0.0609414684514527,0.0,0.0,0.040377933130350485,0.08632878999066597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140671124553129,0.06882136069802018,0.0527628732861768,0.08526828332711887,0.06262924114803002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292155244136764,0.0,0.0,0.16771998695330154,0.06459803361238001,0.09276420820582464,0.0,0.08862111188434584,0.031675389850213065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965707985933444,0.0,0.048458557189164725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823855578490685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262747966641348,0.06916587498159744
bpd,PakistaniAmerican,2019/01/04,"What is the kindest, most loving thing I can do? For as long as I can remember, I have never been a positive addition to anyone’s life.  Sure, I can be nice and helpful in the short term but over the long run, I am everything from manipulative to abusive.  Over the last few years, I’ve learned that I have a combination of BPD and NPD.  I’ve been working on these but the relapses in my behavior far outweigh any progress I manage to make.

I have a daughter (from my ex wife) and am in a relationship with a wonderful girl who has a son from her past relationship.

I know that I am driving all of these people insane and am making their lives difficult with my behavior. 

Here is what I can’t figure out: what is the kindest, most loving thing I can do for these people who mean the most to me?

1.	 My Daughter: every day I see her turning more and more into me.  I worry that my influence will ruin her life.  I adore her but I’m wondering if withdrawing a little bit will be best for her. 
2.	My Girlfriend: I’ve exhausted this woman’s patience and have practically broken her spirit.  She has now become an unpaid babysitter for me and that’s absolutely unfair.  I try my best not to burden her but that lasts barely a few hours before I’m back leaning on her for emotional support.  It has worn her out.  Again — I adore this woman and I wonder whether being just friends or disappearing completely will be best for her. 
3.	Her Son:  Her son is the most joyful person I’ve ever seen.  He is happy in every situation and is extremely affectionate.  I worry that being around me will eventually harm his personality.  He is attached to me so I can’t just disappear completely.  If I had to leave, it would need to be somewhat gradual.  

I’m sorry for this long post but I’m not sure what to do here.  Ideally I would change and become a decent person who doesn’t cause pain and misery to everyone around them.  But since I am failing at doing that, I keep asking myself — what is the kindest, most loving thing I can do for all of them? 

Has anyone been in this situation?  What did you do?  Do you have any advice?",3.3012047511312206,5.017723701923082,5.066380090497738,80.53156108597287,74.0,8.067194570135745,25.696832579185518,8.757208317658263,1.9441546380090493,1644,56,319,33,34,560,193,416,0.142,0.672,0.185,0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,2,3,7,11,24,0,0,19,0,54,7,0,5,6,63,76,24,0,6,14,7,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,6,28,19,0,1,8,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,7,2,57,17,43,57,17,38,1,2,2,3,46,18,0,12,15,249,85,4,0.0,0.10538125397801083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691270364640119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096667795950385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438007157389368,0.0,0.0,0.15835376415741342,0.08314839119947096,0.0,0.0,0.06839060154127248,0.0,0.0,0.19645802221238448,0.07568275204589,0.0,0.2800161706436435,0.0,0.09710119320093974,0.0,0.11201883358214837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136752486585806,0.09408842118615926,0.0,0.18650715404463505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735997503351935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004733051207004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045277058916715,0.14987427062234113,0.08498751177315159,0.07993497647007214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871606071502928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467998869398438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059615680698913126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758956158847604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905538206205645,0.0,0.0,0.048879978178578365,0.1449985522532478,0.0,0.09417631386974064,0.0,0.0,0.12564416695647448,0.0,0.08914285053292982,0.07853706363910591,0.23613155558254695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24081980368585104,0.0,0.11873841933194512,0.0,0.0,0.09688347819313023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659490705616014,0.06859724617787583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464013488002487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490482261500708,0.12332181542158782,0.23298112746272945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851814685389037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097998916201103,0.1007534964075996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708749411136412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357341188504994,0.19994817325969266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956284115975804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092987541371376,0.16765281372801796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726654394207622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060385509160687,0.09674292224382902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893601186027122,0.06475054520521177,0.1806490273691944,0.0,0.12636312373931993,0.0,0.0,0.05727547532214676
bpd,Girlontheborder,2019/01/04,"how can i be honest about bpd in interviews Itd help explain the gaps between work

Im looking for a new job and thinking maybe I should be more honest and see what results I get. 
But how do you talk about it without it getting too personal and deep? And without giving the impression you wont be reliable or someone to stick around.",3.9694029850746233,5.335076089552242,4.958388059701496,83.38026865671642,71.68656716417911,7.748059701492537,32.80298507462687,8.238735603445708,2.548166567164179,266,13,51,4,5,87,51,67,0.054000000000000006,0.809,0.13699999999999998,0.7648,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,3,0,15,15,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,9,9,1,4,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,1,1,38,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155426054898484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049479926505382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25300066415199884,0.2322683863857835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229130029547242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26153657556388143,0.0,0.2402717265335489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332404002175164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432471311496845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338458576541749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141423239071236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929422966717476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051517477225475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946109233395641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514393926261455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667997671629794,0.0,0.17626990169360207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheFatefulYam,2019/01/04,"Sobriety feels weird I've been sober for about 2 days now and it feels like theres a hole in my brain begging to be filled,,,, we shall see how this goes lol.",1.1372549019607874,2.6868425294117664,1.671176470588236,103.26696078431374,79.58823529411767,5.7098039215686285,17.215686274509807,6.42735559955562,-0.7256549019607839,122,2,32,1,3,37,33,34,0.05,0.794,0.156,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534254770448384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31972035042849506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013362882371052,0.3541667933597625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242200387998202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950517934537182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floweryellow,2019/01/04,"Finding partners who don’t enable?? I’ve found in past relationships my partners end up enabling me, leading to a relapse. By relapse I mean major depression and addictive behaviours (eating,drinking,spending ect) to curb the emptiness. 

I’m honest about my mental health issues and try hard to abstain from triggers to depression but my partners will order lots of unhealthy snacks, or buy beers each night, stay up late, or whatever. Eventually I’ll start doing it to until it spirals out of control and I do them in excess in comparison to my partner. 

My partner will justify and encourage my behaviours (oh you have cramps, smoke weed. Oh you work so hard, stay up late and drink. Oh your so tired it’s normal to sleep in all day). I recognize it’s totally my choice/responsibility to not relapse but I don’t understand why my partners don’t say what the fuck are you doing, behaving like this isn’t normal, you are throwing everything away!!! I guess I would probably get mad, but I just wish I could find someone who encourages me to be better instead of facilitates my bad behaviours/mental decline. 

I don’t know if it is all my fault? Am I dating people who don’t match my ambitious/recovery focused lifestyle and they are bringing me down? Maybe it’s my low self esteem about thinking I couldn’t be with better partners? Maybe  I can never escape BPD tendencies,  having relapses, and it is all my fault. 

It is so confusing ",5.107817014446226,7.065176014981276,6.029994649545213,74.47606741573036,69.749063670412,8.980845371856606,33.313536650615305,9.48565724429506,3.4798547886570352,1144,55,190,26,21,377,155,267,0.17,0.732,0.09699999999999999,-0.9648,0,0,4,0,0,0,37.0,0,5,2,7,7,15,2,1,3,0,26,9,1,3,5,44,38,17,0,7,8,0,2,1,7,3,4,1,0,8,13,10,3,3,7,2,1,3,9,9,0,0,1,3,35,6,28,30,7,27,0,3,0,1,22,11,1,6,11,131,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608156812684288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728055185947395,0.0,0.10422664295844032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080145449077487,0.0,0.0,0.15721721574495673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000585712309824,0.0996654568049112,0.0,0.0,0.0805041016906935,0.0,0.21502933112787886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228447715916765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056106310569518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112187870908755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818210545060424,0.0,0.0,0.13686808538794698,0.0,0.11540200272359585,0.0652177764048842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751274460542426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364376214329126,0.0,0.0,0.13268693406492044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028859697602313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860251824774401,0.0,0.281624131195329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060984934611765976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612478742344268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508141559805361,0.13597490891601766,0.0,0.0,0.12579783989621982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627548963851812,0.0,0.0,0.11714315806353415,0.24461099255476035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916299597122483,0.08654041396966163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345863126844197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340191698078809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926869016483876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022342398551792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491872102030828,0.0,0.10576684339454616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835430526870408,0.2661012961122477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998510814440637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347207970650935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847504059629641,0.0,0.0,0.12995094505906965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263836977314355,0.0,0.14354669653897986,0.0,0.0,0.09087668662132588,0.0,0.0,0.088674635558325,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ffantomize,2019/01/04,"I act like such an ass When I get mad, I literally cannot control my mouth or my face. Before I can even process the emotion, I’m spitting venom at people. And I usually say some pretty hurtful things. I hate that about myself and I wish I could think before I speak but it’s so hard. I just get so hurt SO quickly and as a defense mechanism I think I just try to hurt back. I’m not a mean person at all, but when I get pushed into a corner, or I feel like I’m being pushed, I push back even harder. I wish I could take back what I said.. luckily the person I said it to today is someone very close to me and knows how I get. But man.. I’m so disappointed in myself today. Acted like a total douche bag. ",-0.22651702786377825,1.7790366578947392,2.491795665634676,93.1228637770898,87.02631578947368,4.8922600619195045,17.493808049535602,6.2272716619740125,-0.2803642414860681,540,13,123,5,17,188,86,152,0.201,0.66,0.138,-0.9199,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,20,10,3,0,7,0,6,4,4,2,2,29,25,17,0,4,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,3,5,6,0,2,5,0,0,5,2,7,0,0,2,6,25,3,9,20,3,20,0,4,0,1,7,6,1,3,12,81,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995118344447584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096486349724195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456241685602266,0.2073298871864968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146050084941801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151332658528326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564990888602826,0.09275617289259032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713396327685825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630919443306917,0.12818797837132712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169822525391311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135547673681795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902966185849599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414314619604639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900132043769378,0.22673877308276005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209175235816972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470110209774621,0.1032522550582096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001117343989614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762189090328233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625848608376514,0.16638967983300654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461421657804871,0.0,0.0,0.08815136492930463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299802824108526,0.10712980885094266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986141974714195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,elphaba13,2019/01/04,"TEXTING SUCKS hello fellow borderlines, does anyone else just have a fucking internal meltdown when people leave you on read??? I’ve been romantically talking to this guy for like a month now and he’s so bad at responding to my messages although in person he’s so sweet. I know I’m being ridiculous but I can’t help but feel so crazy and anxious that he doesn’t like me anymore just because he hasn’t texted me all day. 

I don’t want to seem so clingy and such so early in the relationship but it’s driving me crazy. Honestly just wanted to vent to someone who might relate to how crazy I feel. Why do I have to have such intense feelings about trivial things like text messages? ",2.880189437428242,5.243107604477616,3.752388059701495,86.51896096440873,77.43283582089552,5.914121699196326,26.7256027554535,7.010146845296331,1.3307595866819746,545,22,103,6,13,174,89,134,0.17,0.674,0.155,-0.4952,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,14,9,3,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,1,19,21,14,0,2,6,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,4,10,5,13,18,1,10,0,0,0,1,16,4,2,2,8,63,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263865761470828,0.19873559246692127,0.1401191514361965,0.20532587971557034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673194340642753,0.12215745691392438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923663616519568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536489735577498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740228694378373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039735290190677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525971131292554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842016007569568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431892241451693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101305213598181,0.0,0.0,0.21218680802860496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937050773981931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125848598165396,0.0,0.0,0.15995144565980682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892698333252132,0.17497507152948086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044680927929087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514663630641995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242987879614744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169791982905914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610679652296412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313192593683598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639347159069746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082313455955693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,voracious_reader_,2019/01/04,PMSA help. What do you do to help calm yourself down when pmsing? I get really angry when pmsing.,0.576666666666668,3.0469242105263166,4.269473684210528,75.73298245614036,96.36842105263159,8.849122807017544,11.596491228070176,8.841846274778883,1.6844596491228068,76,1,13,3,3,28,15,19,0.142,0.5539999999999999,0.304,0.4779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317308848580376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.851176210659022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067599764473535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IndirectValidation,2019/01/04,"Will traumatic events forever organise my being? Will I just keep acquiring new traumas? Years ago I got into an argument with my Dad. It was our first and only father-son argument. Basically he thought he could crate a perpetually rotating fan for his bedroom and when I tried to explain to him that it wouldn't work he disagreed and did the whole dad-mansplaining thing where he basically made it clear how stupid I was...

I felt extremely invalidated and completely ridiculed and had no way to express it.  I now recognise it as a BPD thing. As a teenager, my neat solution to my crippling fear of abandonment and lack of stable identity was to be the 'smart guy'. This was the core of my identity and when it is affronted or questioned I feel what can only be described as ""dangerous"" to myself and others, like I completely see red. 

Anyway  I sat and drafted him a whole  essay about the laws of thermodynamics and energy/ work and intended to give it to him to explain why perpetual motion was impossible. I never did hand it to him though... I let it lie and things have actually never been the same between us. Meh its his loss. 

Now I feel that this event has been incorporated into my anxieties. I relive this trauma over and over... not by replaying the event as you'd maybe see in PTSD, but instead in the sense that it created a new need. I am now forever longing for *any* intellectual vindication. I start pointless arguments. I fantasise about or confect scenarios in which I deliver the final put-down, where I know the secret bit of information, where I am an expert in everything. 

I long for that feeling of someone acknowledging that I am right. I have this amped-up need to be right all the time and cannot tolerate any criticism (I always react with verbal violence). People don't realise that criticism puts me in this awful emotional space. Of probably all mental ilnesses, I think BPD symptoms are the most easy and socially acceptable  to dismiss. Getting people to accept that depression is a real thing and not a personality flaw has been a slog. But BPD? Try again next century - we're so easy to dismiss as histrionic, snowflake, millenial 'crybabies' (hell I think that about *myself* sometimes). 

With BPD it so easy to be traumatised... will I eventually get to the point that I have more needs than I can manage? Will my life missions only ever be to prop up my fragile sense of self?",5.351241242564441,7.202134408988769,6.4586814276272335,72.06864342366163,68.95505617977528,10.269001982815599,32.86351619299405,10.46071229359064,3.9030158625247853,1912,88,328,56,34,639,242,445,0.095,0.792,0.114,0.9147,0,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,2,1,0,5,20,15,4,1,22,1,40,3,1,4,6,66,63,31,0,6,7,1,6,1,0,5,2,0,1,3,33,21,0,2,16,0,0,2,8,10,0,1,16,9,48,5,52,33,9,43,1,3,3,0,25,17,1,4,24,245,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.08801444369889377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994982249176401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504702203958714,0.0,0.0,0.1226673921130074,0.0,0.06899668177718166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846637389685177,0.0,0.4543749870576168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891293253893716,0.0,0.0,0.07201102377885686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768229220737563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014539320149987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158388510712868,0.0,0.0,0.0810588111337647,0.0,0.0,0.1014911464211376,0.13681145195296665,0.0,0.08659852504740463,0.09880099710583312,0.0,0.07671732321208782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424326136766098,0.08652044578210773,0.0,0.0,0.07213483245197859,0.0,0.0,0.08930432292672814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016685019073054,0.0,0.0,0.04956719942093639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222749571651813,0.06370532180738922,0.04406328649128818,0.0,0.0,0.15963427619075699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534191131846477,0.0,0.0,0.0906100505099892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089238669549872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006288169898305,0.1391233592046063,0.17421611406843526,0.0959202828309554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205785385702848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505564130207916,0.07875223105371405,0.0,0.0,0.08526065274056557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972422991247338,0.0,0.1054296958340444,0.18133587023921455,0.10103575264037297,0.0,0.0,0.10265831391710238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404705900371227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374279494529646,0.0,0.0940899924789508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193945067210156,0.07641944279258027,0.0,0.0892022570921986,0.0,0.06383840682256826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374408799079467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967839762219326,0.11558286510070878,0.08861324454367267,0.07160242393646046,0.052591717582683314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246898162545812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848994743873996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159026198000798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138430890877947,0.20139243610022167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132179294661195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808073188678211
bpd,taurenprincess87,2019/01/04,"I should be in a group home, not supervising one I recently started a job as a caretaker for dependent adults in a group home. The more I do the work, the more I realize that I'm expecting these people to do things that I myself barely have the energy for, like making my bed and showering. I moved back home with my parents because, let's face it, I need supervision or I could kill myself. There are times when I just burst into tears at work, and my only saving grace is that I work overnights so my tears go unseen and I can clean up before the persons served wake up. I feel like the biggest hypocrite on the whole planet. Has anyone else worked in this type of field that could offer advice?",4.241739130434779,5.489378971014496,5.012289855072464,83.70626086956524,70.8840579710145,8.128695652173914,24.669565217391305,8.548686976883017,1.5212730434782609,550,15,109,9,10,178,94,138,0.064,0.843,0.09300000000000001,0.4284,3,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,4,5,5,1,0,11,0,12,2,2,2,0,18,18,7,1,5,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,2,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,18,4,14,13,3,16,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,7,77,26,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567030095111525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138925819753293,0.16322606293178735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249515982694358,0.0,0.09711041188495287,0.0,0.13555621092774708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543830134281016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307828638777822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054903169211701,0.113807011110031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053629480322478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793855520910065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808491913486916,0.0,0.1762465854787311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289942185340536,0.0,0.15565605112936484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633684545739586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693152410108865,0.0,0.11812210679279594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079487045178942,0.12115808521973505,0.0,0.0,0.1768885531102352,0.0,0.0,0.11044153107134058,0.1390983546571369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572937601655301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127563909509508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583468655436212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289160810383243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785754211094362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639016592949578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anotherthrowawayazz,2018/11/18,"I had to lost my FP to finally understand I was so mean, and so caring, she told me that when I was with her she was only afraid of me telling something cruel, because I would protect her of almost everything else, I was so afraid of being cheated on, of letting her go, and whe she finally went her away, I tried to chase her like the devil god, I was like a psycho, taking everything in account, checking all her social media, trying to talk to her even when she told me she didnt want to know anything about me, and then going the other way, hating her, burnin every single letter, card, gift, photo.

​

I couldnt leave the bed for 4 days, I started cutting myself, at that point I realized how fucked up was my life, and started to go to therapy, 4 weeks later here I am, 3 days ago I learned that I have bpd, my therapist took all in account and it hurts me so much, at least I know that I am not alone, that others also face that emptiness, that perpetual state of changing hobbies, of isolating themselves and pushing away people while you are also fearing  abandonment.

God, its still hurts me how some posts here or in <a href=""/r/BPDmemes"">/r/BPDmemes</a> are so relatable

Its surreal, today I had one of those days when I have no energy, when I couldnt get off my bed, but after all that therapy today I talked it, I told my mom, she told that if I didnt send her a pic of me eating something she would stop sending me photos of my cats back home.

But I had to go trough a emotional pain so big that I could feel it physically, I had to lost someone that really tried, that at one point loved me, It had to be that way; but I feel so guilty, I want to talk to her, to ask for forgiveness, to tell her that finally things are changing, she still is my FP, but I cant, its so manipulative, so selfish now I see that even thinking of me must cause her such an emotional turnmoil, or maybe she doesnt care about me anymore.

Now I that I think its that I cant be like that again with my next FP, I dont want to fuck it up again, somedays I feel like I am the hero of this story, the hero will not lose and he will get a nice family, a nice house, a couple of labradors, other days I feel like I am a monster, that I am the biggest asshole in this planet, and I have no energy to do things the way they are supposed to, and most of the days I feel nothing but at the same time I cant go back to the self harm, to the abuse os drugs, to being verbally abusive to someone I loved, yeah, she was verbally abusive, told me that I was a lunatic and isolated me from my friends, but I can see where it came from

Its my first post in this subreddit and I really needed to get this out of my chest, yeah I talk to my therapyst, but I havent been able to tell my friends about the bpd, I feel so ashamed.",8.374313471502592,5.1212345336787575,8.410805267702937,77.73050841968912,63.766839378238345,11.722538860103624,36.387521588946456,9.516144504307137,3.0634495682210705,2181,71,476,30,24,716,243,579,0.149,0.7170000000000001,0.134,-0.9,0,1,3,0,1,1,88.0,0,1,1,6,36,36,6,4,21,2,50,10,2,4,4,65,97,41,0,11,12,1,6,5,2,5,3,0,3,1,41,15,1,3,15,0,3,11,14,20,0,3,26,8,98,16,65,58,9,72,1,6,2,4,49,21,2,6,39,346,139,1,0.06284810886180765,0.2233941960072852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571105646809416,0.0,0.06293330263458438,0.06509168678291087,0.0,0.10051921990078252,0.0,0.06809589969410608,0.07636733133541182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232843620028693,0.0,0.0,0.05171863858734441,0.0,0.058754497914720615,0.0,0.11809573421780273,0.0966526326649781,0.0,0.03831162382710149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830998601819365,0.0,0.0,0.07188149361066808,0.1281556711829968,0.06456232010942861,0.13296993162789475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017910092899132,0.06954023706545481,0.0,0.20265915460771916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365751551774784,0.0,0.07288385332569926,0.06430930541320712,0.05250153046085306,0.14139132669068846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302116633718504,0.0,0.05295224233278155,0.0,0.11296765555107882,0.0,0.05924760369646205,0.07072159528386786,0.1906673532894672,0.08979740305704262,0.0,0.2065410938004559,0.0,0.0534585692918823,0.0,0.0,0.09711258601031576,0.11620412784361404,0.09850662876078277,0.0,0.17859014300701184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204949601686865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304177750996923,0.0,0.0,0.07251827947790715,0.13456040078414033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907935402081825,0.0,0.0,0.06654707273411391,0.0,0.06426644940084955,0.04439147792848671,0.15352205704639607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031095789271198,0.13721226995080818,0.0,0.11344574400355355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631393727116641,0.06846001510496293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360694551419393,0.0,0.0,0.046200591409516566,0.04660107637553457,0.0,0.0,0.0668396767707822,0.0,0.0,0.06030445547577382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517501017320499,0.047798818833654125,0.06687481895010709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357096536988285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882355435687254,0.0,0.12038223093542427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052421570935189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016361158155214,0.0,0.06556428420610153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406573233563655,0.10650199737757532,0.09676708936522152,0.0,0.0,0.08896842985965704,0.0,0.10038116184250284,0.0525438331604986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047253956320425984,0.20205971703627654,0.1647960518632511,0.0,0.1437445795009515,0.07297149840612603,0.08350698180404252,0.08054106092647087,0.0,0.0,0.03664723768842335,0.0,0.11914531712902025,0.30027030656996645,0.06982656142729149,0.12800922137685933,0.0,0.0,0.06542709778274489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120832883513966,0.14965771042748993,0.0504129619894551,0.0,0.0,0.05826082656315468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089290986670187,0.0,0.07636733133541182,0.0
bpd,melatonin23,2018/11/18,"I’m curious- anyone constantly feel the need to rearrange their room/house? I find that if I don’t do this, it has a HUGE negative effect on my mood. Can’t quite put it into words but I feel it has something to do with the whole ""unstable identity"" aspect of BPD. Like after a few weeks I look around and worry what my place says about myself and the worry builds enough that eventually that I gotta change it around and move the furniture etc.

Keeping up with the cleanliness of my apartment is also another battle. Ugh.

But yeah overall I’m curious if anyone else’s mood is affected by their environment. Even beyond just home. I find myself constantly looking for new coffee shops to do work in because they all start to feel hostile or uncomfortable despite usually being charming at first.",3.9917428571428566,6.485881793333334,5.0299047619047625,78.08400000000002,74.4,8.552380952380952,27.380952380952376,9.23628265651192,2.7440952380952384,639,25,110,16,14,209,105,150,0.2,0.723,0.076,-0.9703,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,4,7,7,2,0,7,1,10,0,0,2,1,26,21,9,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,1,7,1,1,2,3,3,0,1,0,6,14,2,20,19,5,21,0,0,2,0,4,11,0,3,9,78,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665927506452503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296670861582726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400378752190887,0.14947013562709766,0.0,0.2597262346586713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892640166976963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372932283583893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543204955669269,0.0,0.0,0.31528645575326986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218630723435114,0.0,0.0,0.15073186268536548,0.16269349501459215,0.09635161404423072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212822108565504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666612782769648,0.12408448743898615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463283951139146,0.0,0.0,0.16832462331422074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966383730588027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126904446383511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450030109380195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550461463265706,0.0,0.10816732944331384,0.0,0.1408907161556675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241236444479336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466485506195954,0.0,0.1551601287519562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600872802870253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230467672345087,0.0,0.0,0.1032538109756643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066495939975875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701522565237304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286854234016945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062015506087256,0.2962941356209977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stupidgirl90,2018/11/18,BPD and periods are the worst combo since....? Give me your best answers to stop me from crying at Paddington!,3.5875000000000017,6.229834750000002,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,76.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.2574999999999998,85,3,15,1,2,26,19,20,0.324,0.535,0.141,-0.6696,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215441505308842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059088259507181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412326603732023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853333338598453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322783967452947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358270645305129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Medmaksi,2018/11/18,"My New Hope Is Turning Bad Hi everyone. This is my very first time trying to open myself to seek help from someone.

I've been diagnosed with BPD, had a beautiful relationship for 3 years and after we break up, I fucked up everything. He hates me now and I cost him a very good business deal because of my anger issue. (Didn't mean it but what happened has happened) 

Now I'm with his old friend but I can't say we're in a relationship. We had a threesome today and he said he has to work so I can't stay. 

This hurt me more than it should. Is he using me for sex? Because I think I'm starting to like him. 

And we're hiding that we're seeing each other because of my ex.

I feel like I am not worthy in his eyes and kinda being used, but this can be my paranoia too. 

I have no idea what to do, where this is going or where I want this to go. And my roller coaster emotions don't help at all. 

What should I do? Is this a sign of him not really being interested in me? Or am I being paranoid? ",0.8215566037735869,2.569859740566041,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,81.31132075471699,5.749433962264153,20.50566037735849,6.742157984588678,0.21298037735849065,763,21,175,8,20,260,120,212,0.11900000000000001,0.75,0.131,0.5597,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,2,6,11,3,0,5,0,26,4,1,2,1,32,45,12,0,4,7,1,1,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,13,12,0,0,4,1,1,2,7,5,0,1,5,5,29,6,22,34,3,23,0,1,2,2,21,9,1,4,12,119,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801512935585055,0.2584833284926213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801599981020225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571796764373196,0.0,0.1434597178606581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589913499356965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505886819098192,0.12702957441249926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146704256354537,0.10097514937384967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202259048879422,0.0,0.0,0.10920090720489267,0.13066891432721228,0.0,0.0,0.16065646223978094,0.11855142899436767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24997750879565905,0.0,0.0,0.13954651060221315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947787018689405,0.0,0.0,0.14038504891693673,0.0,0.0,0.15131012820440387,0.15955854006767672,0.0,0.14752490523798925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810566555109066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396347814130876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650952016426965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831523486095574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090547659872734,0.0,0.0,0.3034980157107699,0.0,0.0,0.13444913671173475,0.11240127263295484,0.0,0.0,0.11263171647454745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975908798813086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000429877568845,0.1506523571663367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905666019385056,0.0,0.0,0.08241798033684454,0.0,0.1339762151769039,0.0,0.0,0.0959623167242201,0.15374011206040974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24414917210316836,0.0,0.2332448205607249,0.08336750086644985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028990632589339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101997117832318
bpd,underarock3521,2018/11/18,"please can you help me out? Sorry for the horrible title lmao, also english isn't my mother tongue.
I hope this isn't against the sub rules.
Hello! I made a post a long while ago about my psychiatrist telling me to kill myself. I wanted to give an update, I went to a more professional one and she diagnosed me with bipolar 2, and I couldn't be more lost. BPD symptoms speak out  to me, my life has come to a full circle. However,  she justified her diagnosis by saying that:

• Bipolar is a severe form of borderline; if my depressive symptoms are so severe that I want to kill myself, or if my irritability can get so  intense I can be physically violent, I'm don't have BPD but BD.  This I don't understand, BD can be co-morbid with BPD meaning that they cannot be on a spectrum (right?)

•I cannot be diagnosed with BPD since I'm still adolescent. 
--

Above that, what she says is bipolar hypomania, is me getting triggered by something external which gives me a euphoric feeling for only a couple of minutes, an hour at most. 
Isn't the difference between borderline mood swings and bipolar ones is that the former is caused by something and isn't long while the latter is internal and has to last for 4 days in the least? 

Can anyone help me out?


I'm so sick of psychiatry",4.809192062367117,5.7930403373494,6.045244507441533,77.80919914953935,69.32128514056225,9.23231750531538,31.11292227734468,9.478462496947786,2.8332251830852826,1000,41,191,21,17,336,138,249,0.098,0.7959999999999999,0.105,-0.3963,1,0,2,0,0,2,31.0,0,1,1,1,6,7,3,0,16,0,29,10,0,3,0,27,46,15,2,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,9,12,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,5,0,2,3,4,28,1,28,37,6,22,0,2,0,0,16,8,0,5,11,134,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660332312739436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715048049887658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620066255465494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490210275357937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195147008129902,0.0,0.09387577345910693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058320946466068,0.0,0.07028245033732636,0.0,0.09386346762882226,0.2212228164710721,0.0,0.11385987773356918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510306543374716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387407684885732,0.2090852067088997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609267579348842,0.0,0.0,0.10824075348453883,0.10732237956541786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24113827138804644,0.0,0.0,0.08883244406720797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697510257921876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288600129977804,0.0,0.0,0.11896347055177857,0.0,0.0,0.1031185808605938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871009777526975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476940045976964,0.08288345318921995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962623484984193,0.0,0.0,0.10437177367576524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306748504221762,0.0,0.17332897678599302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462305390672129,0.0,0.0901485689967082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779474299503858,0.0,0.12199308725578553,0.0,0.0,0.08703078372717765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654185190693896,0.0,0.0,0.0952524642774863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345100001853098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855729551722667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102464054640192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BPDandLSD,2018/11/18,"I found out that the person I'm with has BPD Everything makes sense now. The need to push our relationship, always wanting promises of the future with me. The cutting. The bulimia. The extreme mood changes. Running away at the slight thought that I may leave. The way she hates herself with such vigor. The constant suicidal idolization. 

We got together over the summer while I was going an internship in her area. Things went really fast as you'd imagine and before we knew it she was all but moved in. As the summer ended though, she moved up to Alaska for college, 3000 miles from me. Her plan was to kill herself in the first week. I've been on suicide watch for months, and it's completely drained me. I can never be completely honest about how I feel because it flips her switch and she runs, and if she does she won't have any check on her impulsive behaviors (such as going into the woods and just walking until she dies or is attacked). She can't afford treatment, she grew up in a broke family and is in debt herself due to previous medical bills and college. I'm running out of stamina.

Where she lives it is damn cold, with highs around 0 degrees F already and nights already getting painfully long. It's all exacerbating her depression and overall mental state.

She's coming down for Christmas break (arguably the only thing she looks forward to in life now) and I have to pretend that this relationship is what I ultimately want in life. I have to lie to my family that this is a healthy relationship and that I'm happy. I do love her, but I can't stay. These last few months have been the most challenging of my life. When break is all said and done she'll be going back to Alaska, where she'll be in a lot of pain all over again and any good the trip does for her will likely fade.

I don't know what I'm to do. If I leave and she kills herself, I know I'll probably blame myself for having given up. If I stay I'll be drained of every drop of energy I have and the end result will likely be the same. I'm in a no win situation and it hurts. My academics have begun to suffer as a result of trying to always be there for her, as her suicidal thoughts and actions have gotten more severe. 

I don't know exactly why I made this post. Maybe to reach out to people who may have experienced being in this position. Maybe because I just have to get it out there. For those that have BPD, I'm sorry that the human body is so shit that it can do things like this to you. For those who love someone with BPD, you are not alone. 

This probably isn't the place, so I'll be making a separate post in r/microdosing about a treatment that we will be trying to see if it helps. There are several self reported studies on the effects of this, and at least it looks promising. It's one of the only things I have hope for without proper treatment. I know it's no guarantee, but I find myself latching onto any hope I can.",4.128159057437408,5.320761707903782,4.979921453117331,84.04010309278353,71.09621993127149,7.9483554246440855,27.259204712812963,8.344100000000001,1.7592854197349044,2302,78,460,35,42,748,269,582,0.157,0.741,0.102,-0.9906,2,1,0,1,0,1,58.0,4,3,0,5,22,29,7,0,30,0,57,10,2,7,6,79,97,38,6,9,12,0,1,3,0,8,6,1,0,3,39,33,0,0,12,1,3,16,11,13,0,2,16,8,65,15,80,63,10,86,0,4,4,2,47,37,2,11,29,329,104,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743017356254643,0.15833530619179406,0.0,0.11938802895975355,0.0,0.0,0.14635842066737795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386443831684037,0.0,0.08161540998126972,0.06740275491408823,0.05516417467970528,0.0,0.08746493709641838,0.0,0.061046056914425224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968775166128084,0.27106472368487483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589215454580721,0.06179826592461489,0.15043753078446045,0.07752621691086323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179016501695435,0.0,0.07445552650575431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556155067103691,0.0734156501525887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708194361983174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044463901677225,0.0,0.0644759207499017,0.0,0.13526150585031554,0.0,0.03627425655693296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556970565715026,0.0610226079359158,0.0,0.07865998129014659,0.0,0.0,0.07496311586813388,0.0,0.12231568957747126,0.060172700538279826,0.05737759628384029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636931562643916,0.0,0.07082909472164856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808628305074546,0.07579799480293921,0.0,0.14250941688660584,0.0,0.0,0.07679990962643632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587409239970934,0.0,0.15770726350204925,0.058478250553005075,0.0,0.15192609837964186,0.0,0.0,0.15201774696974066,0.10514665567093777,0.0,0.06334835781206317,0.0634882673251782,0.12048824948357148,0.0,0.0,0.06099138283031695,0.12949757634793907,0.06788279070284109,0.0957749567572767,0.0,0.14414636371080766,0.0,0.0,0.07227121386226706,0.07229775812622649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452549428050092,0.1524980341142674,0.0,0.05319482452905325,0.055330855196813036,0.0,0.0,0.06732379279967436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048613359098317516,0.10912407945526,0.15267433871251845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497359725928817,0.0626412173738649,0.07495376861409657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741553090794684,0.0,0.15469722992995935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595893333536195,0.0,0.0,0.23106801033407115,0.0,0.0,0.06824183993066688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057168054438697415,0.0,0.07484120249951072,0.16209315536202093,0.07364080384105395,0.0,0.08063955944245695,0.0,0.0,0.0607856674472449,0.0,0.0,0.08030784694926447,0.0,0.15293209453572482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354180653643379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906453494000836,0.0,0.07048487946808286,0.11390821421275575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741446047825188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462905435749744,0.056944433224792076,0.057546067078115486,0.0,0.0,0.06650435326793601,0.06473482867678321,0.0,0.0,0.06915548058014825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snoopienickie,2018/11/18,"he blocked me probably no one will read this but i just needed to vent: 
so a guy that i almost dated 6 years ago, went on two dates with but that i ultimately ghosted suddenly came back into my life after answering a message i had left him four years ago (attempted to apologize for ghosting him) which he supposedly saw only recently. 

i thought that was weird but hey, maybe that was the closure i needed? we started messaging each other, not much...i started to realize that the conversation was only flowing naturally when we would talk about sex and he would even talk about it when it wasn’t related to what i was saying, which i called him out on because it made me feel like trash and i told him that i didn’t want to talk about just that and that contrary to UNpopular belief i was an interesting person with feelings. he apologized. 

we tried talking about other things but he would take a long time answering me and you know i get clingy fast which can scare people away...it didn’t look like it was scaring him away though. i once messaged him that him leaving me on read slightly hurt my feelings but that payback is a bitch and that i deserve it. he apologized and said that he wasn’t trying to pay me back, that he’s just busy. 

i didn’t want him to be my FP although he had the potential to be. he sent me yet another shirtless pic of him in bed yesterday which i called him out on...again. he wondered if i didn’t like it, i said no. i told him that the pictures of me i sent him were normal. 

but anyway i guess today was the last straw for him when i told him that i wasn’t “one of his booty call whores” (i was half-joking half-serious)
which he read a few hours ago and i guess that’s when he blocked me because now i no longer can message him. 

i mean now i remember why i said no men 2k18...i had forgotten about him and didn’t have any problems with him but him coming back made me obsessed for a minute and he already left me...so now i’m a bit sad and pissed. not being obsessed with any guy was GREAT. 
but i’ll get over it 🤠",3.347467857417815,4.505151782816231,4.382006313034108,87.7194703210409,72.93794749403341,7.697621063977213,26.642620679036106,8.155646560271837,1.495469566556317,1603,55,346,24,31,522,190,419,0.14300000000000002,0.785,0.07200000000000001,-0.9840000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,1,0,1,23,16,2,4,13,0,32,4,1,2,0,65,66,26,2,10,14,0,3,3,0,4,1,4,1,4,33,23,0,2,12,3,1,6,14,11,0,4,35,9,64,5,34,24,3,47,1,2,2,2,66,11,2,5,33,226,97,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228769177461924,0.0,0.08392338016911381,0.0,0.09248616725196833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139870375777552,0.08788185324915883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574840789249282,0.19333362375529728,0.0,0.10217931799978387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914985642735905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567374425301827,0.09585605177022284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219469738811495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055355563850306634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713021648380202,0.0598737177255174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757429329767795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240056929264848,0.18465182488715187,0.16596970128666375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253574303782323,0.0,0.08972009411524112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046059658770712913,0.06831614996463795,0.0,0.08874244716878414,0.1821191245866391,0.0,0.05919732037730231,0.12283566333067747,0.0,0.0,0.07416901071023943,0.07037910028819587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860566504020054,0.0,0.0,0.08419818057996553,0.09129341117527418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061609825554713775,0.12428776769152705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211578187225048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925467172031476,0.11358334078189325,0.12748221614566607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810314313716802,0.0731794600490238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903611091223564,0.08019463286320197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25149735576710497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275203877405136,0.0,0.0949401337197008,0.0,0.23916685570170595,0.06664889441953477,0.16781640462513808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864197570425893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630145181447142,0.26945247968569425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567948834187392,0.0,0.082342675275766,0.06653559717308298,0.0488701519214929,0.0,0.07944186405444974,0.24025148565382354,0.0,0.11380266727925513,0.0,0.0818699690201347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886634969717288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769249812005713,0.07562528328048637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088812244011232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860817181742836,0.0,0.0,0.10794149046591067
bpd,killmemeow666,2018/11/18,"I’m having a hard day (week? life?) I’ve been fighting with my SO lately, and it’s making me feel super lonely. He started with me this morning and I just fucking lost it in a fit of rage. I started throwing and hitting random objects. He ran out of there so fast and I don’t blame him. I’m so upset with myself for not being able to hold it together. I’ve been flipping out like that when I’m alone but it’s gotta be super scary for another person to see. I don’t want to be that person. I hate myself right now. 

Now he wants space (ugh). I could see him never wanting to talk to me again after that. Idk the actual point of this post, I just really want some support and I literally have no one right now. Us fighting has been making me super lonely, and that in turn has been making me feel very suicidal and self destructive. How do I stop that cycle? 

I’ve been working so hard on my rage in therapy but I haven’t been able to go recently bc of a new job and this is when I need it the most. Any pointers on how to calm down when feeling like this? 

Today I’m going to go to the park and just go on a long hike to calm down. I’m bringing my dog to keep me accountable, I can’t do anything stupid when I have him with me. I don’t even *want* to do anything stupid (tho in the tough moments I do), I just want to be emotionally strong, stable, and independent. I was doing so good for so long and now I feel like this. :( 

We were supposed to spend the day together and now I’m alone and it’s all my fault, like always. ",0.3343963800904959,2.3075586215384623,2.624710407239821,93.27002488687786,84.32307692307694,5.423529411764706,19.0972850678733,6.661559191721324,0.04794298642533912,1172,31,267,13,34,399,149,325,0.20800000000000002,0.644,0.149,-0.9696,1,6,0,0,5,0,40.0,2,0,0,6,25,28,9,1,9,0,29,2,0,6,2,53,67,28,1,8,7,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,16,20,0,3,4,0,2,7,8,16,0,1,10,8,36,12,37,50,3,50,0,3,2,1,14,16,1,3,30,174,52,2,0.209281444503396,0.0,0.10211425031200236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675246052420968,0.0,0.0,0.08706946350689798,0.0,0.0,0.07115927941441741,0.10972492107355414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722207968915677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354710202491646,0.0,0.0,0.13496921828276193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770672827699367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911421015709086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163797308947546,0.14951070576963596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673866156356037,0.0,0.0,0.23787893560812226,0.08776767317928373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747506721005647,0.1033110493879106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383977050648892,0.09300948188807268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803929252895964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391083672017994,0.2044886851405471,0.0,0.0,0.18520749268251252,0.0,0.0,0.1142277093891426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095454839545996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758976965185682,0.08070537589641291,0.10106266160830232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090726152092798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273648497874165,0.0,0.0,0.09891930539832804,0.0,0.10021688654985557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670355261532666,0.0,0.10332008927275764,0.0,0.0,0.1787252101115147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677021550924506,0.0,0.10916309460205974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813048358518702,0.0,0.0,0.08748432930379746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114459966266884,0.11874505156256593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410624882580421,0.0,0.0,0.11966578542418815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991871693761072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381905747003325,0.0,0.0,0.1258699047964864,0.0,0.0,0.08633955472062241,0.3703188547900768,0.0,0.08393647555924645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617969206422323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,debhead86,2018/11/18,"Music on Abilify? I've been recently put on 5 mgs of Abilify. I have BPD and schizophrenia (32/F). I have noticed a startling change in the way music sounds to me. I'm a music fanatic, and this is really amazing to me. Music seems to sound so much clearer and cohesive now. I can individually focus on each part of the song. I just got done listening to ""Pour Some Sugar On Me"", and I'm teared up. It's like I'm hearing stuff for the first time again.
In all honesty, it's very similar to being stoned and listening to music. 
Has anyone else who's on Abilify noticed this?",1.1406763925729422,3.4903934655172435,3.962413793103451,82.54704244031831,84.17241379310343,7.362334217506633,24.440318302387272,8.384062270229773,1.9837488063660484,446,18,88,11,13,158,74,116,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,5,0,8,1,0,0,1,10,16,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,6,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,7,7,2,17,12,5,15,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,6,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926094330018316,0.2187219532530583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688539499340035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258195597118265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845064081569127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783241120412779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157474298925694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072889296243565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059258723963434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428909123691923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692265285536727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860667117710083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311637319749339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145930844223636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675229215362938,0.0,0.21077270283913047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433214886153602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436840369351398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447420222209585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613245825166796,0.0,0.16944000227454964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,skelefone,2018/11/18,"I don't know how to feel about myself lately So, over the summer I made a really close friendships very quickly with someone who also suffers of mental illness (I don't personally know which one).. Long story very short, after a few months, my emotional health (I'm diagnosed BPD and AVPD) had become very much second place to taking care of their constant anxieties and I was feeling exhausted, I tried to begin to politely explain that I need a little less time answering text messages.. My correspondence became a little infrequent as I tried to keep myself from compulsively replying to this person (I've been in relationships where taking more than five minutes to reply would be grounds for emotional punishment, and I hate being in that mode now for obvious reasons). Turns out, my friend then claimed abandonment and very openly tried to replace me as their ""best friend"" online.. So I decided this was violating my boundaries, I don't like mind games, and I'm done being friends. Two days later, I was sent a message from my friend (Dave, let's say) saying that I was an awful person for not caring that he was depressed and fuck me for not being as involved in the friendship as he was, he was going to kill himself etc.. I felt too stunned for about a week to even reply to it, I just kept ruminating over it trying not to hate myself about it. (I did reach out to a mutual friend to make sure he was alive, though.. was told to apologize to him..) Long story short again, we attempted to become friends but I was out of trust in this person, I felt he hadn't actually cared about Me as an individual, and any attempts I made to explain myself started him in a tizzy. I couldn't make boundaries with him, so I quit. 

Fast forward to a few weeks later, I made a new acquaintance who had just been through something slightly similar and decided to open up about what happened between me and Dave to them. They pried pretty heavily into the details of what happened and, against my better judgement, decided to trust her and answered all the questions she had and ended up showing screenshots of the ""suicide note"" Dave had sent me, forgetting to block out his account name or anything.. About a week later, I'm struggling with horrible PMDD and feeling really low and worthless when I notice my friend had now begun a friendship with Dave! I felt super betrayed and messaged her about how I felt and all I got was a ""what?"" and being ignored for a day. So I ""soft blocked"" her (blocked and then unblocked so that she can't have access to my private twitter account) and went about my day.. To check later and see she'd called me tacky for doing that. So I messaged her again, defending myself.. Saying it's really rude to me what she's doing, how it's shady, etc.. This is a friend who would randomly message me checking on me, wanting me to be okay, tell me she couldn't wait to get to know me more.. Made me feel like I could recover and trust people again a bit. All she replied with so far is ""why are you looking at my account, I barely know you"".. I'm feeling kind of crazy right now! And worthless! And weird! And creepy! AND ANGRY! Betrayed, sad, broken, etc. 


Sigh, so basically.. besides isolating myself (which I feel like doing hardcore).. what advice does anyone have? I feel like I'm the most unlikeable, unwanted, least valuable person on Earth right now. I feel pretty alone. I feel like ever since I decided to stop getting walked over all the time and set boundaries for myself, no one likes me anymore.  In the past, I would've taken this as a challenge to ""win"" this persons friendship over Dave's, but I don't have the willpower for that anymore. Thanks to anyone who read this. 

TL;DR: I started making a friend, he had me open up about an experience with a close friend gone wrong, and has decided to go and become friends with my old friend and is acting like we were never friends. How can I keep my wits about this?! ",6.617431544359256,6.873168532797859,6.606504502859924,77.93559830230014,65.14457831325302,9.147000121698918,33.17539856395278,8.841846274778883,2.73971780455154,3102,121,563,44,44,986,324,747,0.165,0.6970000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.9792,1,1,1,1,0,1,121.0,2,2,4,8,39,56,7,1,31,2,53,5,0,12,8,126,118,55,2,8,8,0,14,7,13,2,4,3,0,6,31,48,0,10,28,3,5,9,13,19,1,5,39,19,95,36,99,66,17,89,0,7,2,1,73,38,1,4,50,397,126,2,0.0,0.0,0.04981386078927475,0.0,0.0,0.04988188912739015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286860972535904,0.0,0.04082173676460348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03471325919530598,0.0,0.03905030761460821,0.0,0.10124849826844658,0.07138557057375257,0.0,0.042006785415170174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913000409101228,0.0,0.0,0.05356998072744129,0.045146336296064515,0.05572937844727978,0.0,0.06429107371527112,0.0,0.05212401677170725,0.0,0.15613542601366673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516295508902315,0.0,0.04075634592527925,0.0,0.0,0.09876199203096662,0.0,0.04396613472952745,0.051810956913901945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467099296576131,0.05223812503136873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484051556831484,0.0452119026818156,0.0,0.17079047567693842,0.033715623752871404,0.046174333718202815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993311200858807,0.0,0.0,0.23229505302375575,0.1458700516521242,0.19604995225674104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126975472474605,0.04719151543828698,0.05333920780271778,0.0,0.05802161866183265,0.0,0.04082641837871076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902802133643972,0.0,0.0,0.10079537804917668,0.0,0.05425986854302098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074465843305414,0.05647520806612901,0.05315690412316545,0.11221492600082317,0.0,0.05758249086426431,0.0,0.0,0.05219833744883183,0.0,0.1745706305538785,0.10232367882315302,0.0,0.0903488027325105,0.04286606621511762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320511094531032,0.10222147775498804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051442700849694836,0.0,0.05154224807415532,0.0,0.04074469869210277,0.0,0.03752493070976577,0.037850211623746285,0.03937008152698026,0.049300869770551765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058116592307236536,0.05356454311808986,0.0,0.06918063724817923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872950409290229,0.035389102316245986,0.2674301518947498,0.05333255686352312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386495118561014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718357925416729,0.05429406216326147,0.0510601502486474,0.0,0.09810477061325826,0.0524841355591667,0.0,0.05480466171946124,0.0,0.08718658472080491,0.0,0.12178228662997015,0.0,0.0,0.040677321107446034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222605695601133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325139516744325,0.03929796364757883,0.0,0.0,0.07226171925480163,0.0,0.0,0.04267702292155212,0.0,0.05336471413754999,0.0,0.055836406849607695,0.0,0.04811056793434745,0.0,0.07676098433324524,0.0,0.04461674795889927,0.04699660825178354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015276632192076,0.0,0.05953105849978956,0.0,0.0,0.04877696195861756,0.0,0.13862844654374598,0.05552375566245804,0.049864853325431516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847429409000053,0.03010845176488278,0.0,0.12283887594166315,0.0,0.0,0.047320465240315766,0.046061378837803514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878555833103068,0.055811155448934405,0.0,0.0
bpd,AlexaBreaksThe4thWa-,2018/11/18,"This isn't living, hell this is hardly surviving This year has taken every single fucking opportunity to screw me over, I don't have a home anymore, I don't have a family, I'm losing friends and loved ones left, right and center. I've lost my only source of income so even the place I do have now I'm at risk of losing. My entire life has just boiled down to ""how can I cope with the next shitty thing life throws at me?"" and then utterly failing to and just wondering why or how I'm still here, my situation would be strenuous for someone who's mentally okay and now I'M being forced to deal with it??? I don't know how much more of this I can take... I really don't... I just want to give up at this point, I don't think I'm cut out for life....",4.548220815752462,3.9864650316455688,5.894641350210973,84.06927566807316,69.56962025316456,9.30070323488045,25.150492264416318,8.841846274778883,1.4156686357243329,577,12,132,9,9,196,96,158,0.147,0.733,0.11900000000000001,-0.546,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,6,12,13,4,1,4,1,18,7,0,3,0,20,33,11,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,8,8,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,2,1,14,4,19,28,3,19,1,4,0,3,5,12,3,2,6,86,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489951339902756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142159269868334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098226649456554,0.0,0.14009334304496587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567486947403959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846317952341438,0.15371799217611476,0.0,0.15950554382762247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489491918165392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667867681101203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913800550630504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065760881562895,0.0,0.3523335521822751,0.0,0.0,0.1468233306817839,0.0,0.0,0.37203701712876747,0.1815081359859316,0.0,0.15006912674066505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756547471065164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223080678127946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683469772661378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267182836246152,0.12645916450381847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737213455117819,0.0,0.15718304106674333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065196304993236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199741864086812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689937846816013,0.0,0.0,0.14088374916990004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278694085205967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501764649409375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046531490585247,0.1065419138123294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807294192282416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003677262854082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031748073730205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181165544208304,0.0,0.0,0.1070752541987403
bpd,TheJester0,2018/11/18,What sort of partners are you attracted to? Name the traits and cycles you can't stop being addicted to,3.3520000000000003,5.9358422,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,77.0,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,2.225,84,3,15,2,2,27,18,20,0.0,0.784,0.21600000000000005,0.5702,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7935132319275379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6085529974915196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bbev913,2018/11/18,"Where is the help I really need? So I've noticed something about the resources available out there that are designed to help us with some of the difficulties that we face in our day to day lives. Say if I'm having a rough day coping with stressors or ruminating on past traumatic events, I have miles of support or materials to help me through the day. But the second I start feeling guilty about who I've been or start thinking about doing shitty things there's like nothing out there. Like, fuck, I'm sitting here and I have thoughts to do things I know I shouldn't do or thoughts that are super narcissistic and will hurt the people I love and all I can't find anything. For example, I've been trying to learn how to cope with guilt and I either get something along the lines of being dismissive of guilt, that I can't be blamed because I'm sick or that I'm essentially the biggest scum on Earth. I can't find anything more to the tune of ""yeah who you've been is bad, but you're not defined by that and here's some tools to help you get through these moments"". I feel like so much help out there is trying to cradle me and avoid the truly ugly parts about myself. The only help I've really been able to utilize are the people I know from AA, because it's one of the few groups of people that I know of that actually addresses the fact that they've been shitty people and tries to hold themselves accountable, and even then a lot of people there are struggling to do that. 

I don't know, maybe I'm just being a big whiny baby right now. I just can't stand waking up every morning knowing that I'm still inside the same body of the person who has done so many things I hate. I'm working so hard to get better, but I'm not perfect. I sure as fuck wish I was.",6.334184210526318,5.471066494444448,6.418362573099415,82.79342105263156,66.0,9.023391812865496,30.33625730994152,7.85451343220497,1.8074722222222217,1398,41,293,13,19,446,176,360,0.155,0.7290000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9383,0,1,2,0,0,0,25.0,3,1,0,4,22,18,3,4,19,1,32,7,3,1,4,57,62,24,0,4,14,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,19,16,0,2,13,0,1,0,8,9,1,2,9,5,26,9,44,48,10,26,0,1,0,3,17,12,2,9,15,190,45,2,0.09692218354021187,0.0,0.0945820699421867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951739749670174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092597481376583,0.1181657269738596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571979504361607,0.0,0.10765869637095103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500271608449931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918504442501264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401618813342658,0.0,0.08166111985212747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801353636740456,0.06924122728709534,0.0,0.0,0.1771702397247007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920599379933452,0.15191352175247447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682323899504525,0.0956905903843232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38978937957035137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037572020720768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266329486698116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205384944746327,0.0,0.08558406376272525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239977447580543,0.0874760547397325,0.0,0.0,0.0982638815715348,0.09737136059304076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712489569114253,0.07186657099853876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299944911257868,0.11034654835643838,0.0,0.0,0.06567697993267306,0.07371368806319101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104957279776213,0.0925231911627956,0.33596819212887113,0.08462871220441796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241816652204185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277101516952723,0.0,0.07707641052277331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923086415743467,0.0,0.0,0.1372040407310058,0.0,0.07740218097470163,0.0,0.0,0.10132411029841874,0.0,0.0,0.10998614530159342,0.0913480109597228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317237615925334,0.06210382166632367,0.0,0.1538907748359381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741140145375444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165854530851739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145572781563001,0.0,0.0,0.07056050395490894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,monaro_1996,2018/11/18,"Just diagnosed with BPD.. I’m a 22 year old male who has just been diagnosed with BPD. I also have had depression and anxiety for 8 years. I never knew I had so many characteristics of BPD till a mental health worker informed me about it. I really can’t cope with my emotions. I have been through a rough breakup which she cheated on me, suffering with my job(can’t even manage a week after having a month off), suffering with friendships and family issues. While I’m typing this, I’m sitting in a dark room all alone because I don’t know what else to do. I’m not motivated to get up and do anything. I always argue with my only close friend, and she doesn’t want to talk about anything related to how I’m feeling. The hospital isn’t helping me, they say I come in too often, even though I’m basically screaming for help. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I self harm, when I drive, I don’t give a shit about myself or other drivers, I really don’t care about anything anymore. Basically just want to be dead. I don’t see the point carrying on with my life anymore. I’m not sure what else to write, hopefully someone reads this. ",4.68618208516887,5.400859409691634,5.854731277533041,80.04118649045523,69.44052863436124,9.04892804698972,30.111306901615272,9.21078282632365,2.4973197650513947,894,34,177,17,15,299,129,227,0.166,0.741,0.09300000000000001,-0.9569,1,1,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,2,17,12,3,0,9,0,20,5,1,2,3,35,39,12,1,3,7,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,1,2,9,13,0,0,6,1,0,2,11,8,0,0,5,5,25,4,30,33,1,22,0,3,1,0,15,9,1,3,10,116,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200165993071824,0.0,0.09266909135215433,0.0964213360099924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864778450106707,0.0,0.34476508395801914,0.0,0.0,0.28607778185646443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063929409295787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378399246659112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814725195714865,0.0,0.0,0.09982024857049716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980716350080752,0.2352312605895835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360552647372187,0.13034925840485662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530751244400198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924122978198593,0.0,0.05859234481821907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952850124898191,0.0,0.06054245008026681,0.11116253180692942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317488459062965,0.0,0.0,0.15534367041340594,0.0,0.0,0.11509485909046765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094847928391107,0.1149928918812443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273690936842056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184938019758853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748400161042925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677965520995452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249420785272536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937370064884195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159643202027527,0.0,0.0,0.0881318640035822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954393422823387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159112302137396,0.0,0.14847122588090084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921523248742368,0.0,0.0,0.09234125454788074,0.0,0.12088797840912277,0.0,0.1189490228303851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098184639056203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921540748305243,0.0,0.0,0.09313985123992888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385138536974908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366979010795626,0.0,0.09295184313098973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924567591789564
bpd,Debni,2018/11/18,"Dear BPDs. Y'all know that usually you are the abusers in relationships right? Manipulating your partner to make yourself feel better is wrong and the worst thing you can do to a person that you care about. I know life dealt you the shittiest card imaginable but think about others and that you can traumatize them emotionally the same way you have been, without even realizing.",8.8,9.845332181818184,7.472272727272728,70.87840909090909,60.51515151515152,11.44848484848485,34.68181818181819,11.20814326018867,4.011072727272728,308,12,52,8,4,93,51,66,0.20800000000000002,0.716,0.076,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,8,1,1,3,5,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,2,0,13,13,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,10,3,6,12,2,4,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,1,39,15,0,0.0,0.3079901498024375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22989860948948115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650293857526804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29240107845154395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169001196518668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143507698862106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857159358665737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360554814996652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351408422688386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269723492547028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27908168317843896,0.0,0.221990046567712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269469145835198,0.16656108706052994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862906768647173,0.0,0.0,0.20633078870209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505759394398848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842070494395753,0.0,0.0
bpd,aal1999,2018/11/18,"Would you care if your ex died? If one of your exes you painted black/splitter on died,what would you feel? Thanks in advance.",1.3882666666666699,3.9329323600000015,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,85.4,3.333333333333334,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.6720666666666664,99,3,21,0,3,29,19,25,0.12,0.665,0.215,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271391905492832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347955523339211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182961366816866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838858753933685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857054171448216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.595208614922548,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,honeyouwillfall,2018/11/18,"Isolation is here to stay and it proposed marriage to me I started isolating myself at 10, I tried to get out of that at 19, and made some friends and relationshipps but I've got extremely attached. So, one day, something clicked inside me and I couldnt have friends or relationships anymore, like before. Now Im 26 and I even if I try, I cant stay or let anyone stay. I tried really hard this few years and I cant, I feel like being alone is far better than people. I hurt people, or they hurt me, I cant deal with this anymore.  
The fact is that people make me more unstable. I feel warmer with the loneliness until it starts to burn but even then, I can deal with that because I've always being alone, so I can handle it. But this time is different, I cant create even friendships anymore and romantic relationships are way off the table. Im getting unspeakable for anyone who want me to put down my walls.   
Is the loneliness a real place to be comfortable?   
I really feel and comprobate I cant do better than this. Or, maybe I should say that, I tried a lot and this is the best I can do.   ",3.2493212669683267,4.617879904977379,4.697194570135746,84.5404524886878,73.47963800904978,8.095927601809954,25.66968325791855,8.671277953709913,1.7386,853,28,176,16,17,285,115,221,0.142,0.696,0.162,0.7697,1,3,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,7,10,0,0,7,0,24,0,0,2,1,33,35,21,0,4,8,0,4,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,13,13,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,2,6,28,8,19,27,5,21,0,2,1,0,10,8,0,7,10,122,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185201647383124,0.0,0.0,0.08777955029063543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138654293548869,0.14752786883132762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430823015857391,0.0,0.08976771741111829,0.0,0.11070955974064244,0.1866019344180943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803497349562078,0.21751958989665152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021889143930333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090335937053729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002297493837178,0.0753650131027534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300897504709536,0.0,0.11023263649838498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437327665826523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945020012044846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586725279274394,0.0,0.227903482876592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078748746906574,0.0,0.10307818664656468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968731962655993,0.0,0.09982107741099301,0.07041813745072281,0.0,0.10598301264216783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148553899329388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940899831467672,0.0,0.11021889143930333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605071799359862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007539252503165,0.13516445610724798,0.0,0.0,0.22652238766210195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389315031746446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121451968151616,0.0,0.0,0.14933854774942915,0.33732805375008623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061514463771591935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864943028909011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222315920407,0.08373631399363181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679347479355458
bpd,haroldkumar2018,2018/11/18,"Should I be tested or am I just being over my head? I'm not sure if this is the right thread but I've been taking a psychology class on mental disorder and we've been going over a topic on borderline personality disorder. For some reason, just based on the DSM 5 criteria we went over in class, I meet most if not all of the symptoms that people with BPD. I'm not sure if this means I should get tested or not. How are people diagnosed in the first place and if so, what should I do check myself? ",3.7611234396671303,4.451923475728158,5.2709015256588065,83.48058252427188,71.52427184466019,8.604160887656034,22.481276005547848,8.841846274778883,1.2408596393897362,390,8,84,7,7,132,66,103,0.11599999999999999,0.884,0.0,-0.8856,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,0,11,3,1,2,3,28,18,11,0,7,13,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,0,8,2,11,10,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,8,1,61,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567320957641596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689552660081167,0.0,0.0,0.467241607392373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733880581516975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649912821676072,0.0,0.11584821109577224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920088994821728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220438974951746,0.0,0.0,0.20542497795885772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28263700945794024,0.17798713309858824,0.21297169738792507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958371571378093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408011193764605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842376933659805,0.21187007965581248,0.15326395440268442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188963747401152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iamaspecialistcat,2018/11/18,"Therapist recommendations for Westchester County, NY? I'm trying to find a good therapist that specializes in DBT and doesn't charge a fortune.",7.923750000000003,10.887850541666667,7.773333333333332,60.70500000000001,64.41666666666666,11.466666666666667,37.0,11.20814326018867,5.4189000000000025,119,6,16,4,2,38,22,24,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361631706318565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084937715626844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8540899068913357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24971252784775785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paranormalactivity15,2018/12/06,Cutting off people ( as BPD) I have cut off people in my life because of abandonment issues and other selfishness and I feel so horrible and sad about it. Have other BPD people dealt with this? ,3.0874999999999986,5.901087194444448,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,79.83333333333334,6.933333333333335,22.88888888888889,8.07648339933343,1.7728555555555556,153,5,25,3,4,50,27,36,0.385,0.615,0.0,-0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,7,3,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981477117424074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7017028088289908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085426186131714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29075656257891885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676348620806167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5793797893442517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,soot666sprite,2018/12/06,"seeking some advice. sorry for a long post. trigger warning for self harm
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and if you’re triggered by stupid ppl you’ll probably hate me so just go away
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i’m stupid as fuck and i hate myself
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my sweet bf has been by my side for the past year and a half, putting aside all his issues and helping me with mine. he has mental illness as well and used to self harm. in the past i have triggered him and caused him to relapse when i have. and today i thought he was ignoring me because he replied to a friend’s comment without texting me back.
now that i am more rational i see it’s easier when you check your phone at work to reply to a comment on your spotify year wrap than reply to your crazy girlfriend’s huge paragraph texts. 
but at the time when i saw his reply to the comment and not my texts, i was so sad that i self harmed at work.
i feel so guilty because once he did text me back he was just being sweet and said he just didn’t have the chance to reply sooner, and i know it’s going to be upsetting and triggering for him when i see him tonight and have self harmed. 
he tries so hard not to self harm anymore for me, and i try for him too but i wasn’t strong enough. 
any advice for how to tell him about this in a non-blaming way? i don’t want him to think it’s his fault, and i especially don’t want him to think that i think it’s his fault. 
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bpd,pariahscary,2018/12/06,"Can anyone help me navigate these recent online dating fiascos? I have a lot of niche interests. MST3k (and giving the MSTie treatment to bad movies), 90s anime  and hentai, I spend a lot of time on reddit, video games. I've had a *lot* of guys get *really* excited about me online and over text, and it's at the point where I explicitly ask them to temper their expectations because I am human and not a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. I present online very well, but I'm a fucking mess and the first date is always like a facefull of brick wall.

I recently had a date with a very sweet guy with Asperger's. We talked on the phone several times before meeting and it went so smoothly and he fell so hard. I tried to reign him in but nope, I was the very embodiment of everything he wanted. We talked about some very personal things, like finally being out on our own again after living with our parents on our thirtieth birthdays. Of little things being something to be celebrated. I was still so hesitant. He told me he had made up his mind about me. 

He wasn't nervous on the phone telling me he was in the parking lot of the restaurant. There was optimism in his voice, and hunger. Why wouldn't there be? I was *it*. 

I was the Tyra Banks poster in Justin's closet in 1998. I was the Marilyn Manson poster on Terry's wall in 1999. I was something ephemeral and perfect.

And then he met me. 

The rest, the rest is just pebbles on pebbles until an avalanche. It ended contentiously, with me asking if he was attracted to me and him sputtering about ways to say ""no"". Oh god, I've replayed this in my mind again and again. It's mortifying.

I don't *connect* often. It kills a part of me to expose myself and have this happen. 

I delete people from my contacts who I feel I'm gonna text first

I need someone to talk to. please.
",1.8287100701905168,4.2818905502793365,3.2508938547486075,88.10497135080936,82.04469273743017,6.241627274029509,22.028649190660364,7.5161900641278425,1.0028270161867927,1419,46,281,23,39,463,196,358,0.066,0.8079999999999999,0.126,0.972,1,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,5,0,2,3,17,14,3,1,22,0,25,2,0,1,2,42,41,22,1,5,5,1,3,2,0,2,0,2,1,5,12,21,1,0,1,3,2,2,6,6,1,2,17,6,40,8,46,18,9,45,0,0,0,1,42,23,1,7,21,190,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155979837854623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694059653239081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573993047737293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918764989397571,0.06707768002803642,0.0,0.09363358640880558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746033364289823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889437585274484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563813467100725,0.0,0.0,0.12054041757762965,0.0,0.18719523985202946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172765504025752,0.05748991615422098,0.1055577470782651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179083347821751,0.09730556771486057,0.0,0.09857175330704364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375564232464482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173990241934225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751727430064624,0.11028622205811556,0.09716489868242617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37419890509491993,0.0,0.10411989684862644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221248813014924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159121900411205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218333272242247,0.11915960760770092,0.0,0.0762859670679423,0.09608027342291084,0.0,0.12078784569188047,0.10402075875084753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049267345384064,0.0,0.21729699853996765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750602962735361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243107600720343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323419616302196,0.1694240861984318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787588181202084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653312955439214,0.09617739763658187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620770528646135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832719879842472,0.0,0.0,0.10514529813154326,0.0,0.07470806276188996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631689873310113,0.064902814976128,0.08734243910836594,0.0,0.0,0.098936693484115,0.10200562367204363,0.0992914936842465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,badmanateee,2018/12/06,Destroyed another relationship I really did care about this person. How many more times I am going to do this? This one really hurt me and her. I wish I wasn't me.,0.9640909090909098,3.419553818181821,3.718409090909091,83.09761363636366,86.57575757575758,8.148484848484847,17.340909090909093,8.841846274778883,1.4525818181818186,128,3,26,4,4,45,26,33,0.18600000000000005,0.647,0.16699999999999998,-0.1815,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,7,1,2,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265026866278598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31746644622900305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769609647660688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333322032943252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156842657123581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109950151842688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718796819662096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39894819106557505,0.0,0.0,0.33429904353680345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156462692065295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580646218346211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nelizzy,2018/12/06,"Every little thing counts! Am starting a daily list to keep track of what I do each day, big or small, so I can prove to myself that I actually DO get stuff done! In this cold, depressing winter, my SAD and BPD merge into an ugly monster. I convince myself I am worthless, that I can't do anything right. I tried making 'to do' lists but I would pile task after task on to myself and then curse myself for not achieving it.

Today, I'm trying something new. Instead of a 'to do' I will track my 'have done's! I feel like it has grounded me a bit to reality, reminded me to focus on what I'm currently able to do and to *celebrate* that.

So far I've listed:

- Made this list
- Got out of bed
- Ate food and put away my dishes
- Went in to work for a couple of hours
- Stayed another hour after my panic attack
- Told somebody that I felt unwell *before* I left
- Played with my cat

... and I can only go further. When it's all in my head, it's easy for me to invalidate my efforts and say I've done nothing. But writing it all out, I can see how even the smallest of tasks are piling up, showing how much effort I actually *am* putting in.

Maybe one day I won't have to put every little thing, and only focus on major accomplishments, but for now... this is a start. In the right direction, I hope.

Crossing my fingers!",1.6144736842105267,3.5452443120300785,3.7310285714285736,87.26397142857145,79.5639097744361,5.910135338345865,21.91819548872181,6.918507183188421,0.634571909774436,1001,30,206,11,25,342,153,266,0.087,0.8540000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.8066,1,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,5,8,9,1,1,8,0,24,5,2,4,3,30,41,17,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,17,12,3,1,3,2,0,6,3,5,0,1,9,6,32,4,37,29,6,45,0,3,1,0,3,23,0,2,16,144,49,3,0.1120422078516008,0.0,0.21867406516074786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748602407247008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220119044705964,0.0,0.0,0.1274641863694957,0.10526734248052504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533966658317196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232107229653122,0.0,0.14111323856566635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397257191094392,0.0,0.14451591008738382,0.0,0.09650178944552834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34397423656763504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400282159075347,0.0,0.18880078491154784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056651906781438825,0.08004297567627529,0.10757809010203867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548188247324874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853742923086928,0.0,0.0636761687357579,0.0,0.08961038886940015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498762943349017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128319319605952,0.2206780110994921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958826236698724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173418666183995,0.0,0.0,0.05473816328577078,0.224591453622876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601704613643594,0.07478904376294591,0.0,0.11256145728322696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236391451259098,0.0,0.0,0.1082110625222645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750752022866708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592269971537502,0.1704262957727842,0.0,0.13145739007157706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379000954689552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136686663408825,0.0,0.0891004607285285,0.0,0.0,0.08928313350417404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625556549117727,0.0,0.0,0.15860810279088408,0.1194220858796922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282615221267112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887172870899446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062029122918196,0.10706113106553837,0.0,0.15213860897511108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386424918128062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156806173222053,0.0,0.0,0.07959156980978935,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderfine,2018/12/06,"Rapid cycling mood Hi my mood is really all over the place at the moment changing in a matter of minutes, does anyone else have this and if you do, do you have any self care tips please",1.4163157894736818,3.6757519473684224,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,82.15789473684211,4.852631578947369,17.394736842105264,5.985473137389443,-0.4210736842105263,146,3,31,1,4,46,33,38,0.0,0.8370000000000001,0.163,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215825592589604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278350951274572,0.3338618658308629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322158745591043,0.0,0.3446958040799234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851450188039642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219773727903296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34043373384085723,0.3576747718854095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087416225761032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399224679845704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BeachBummedd,2018/12/06,Difference between BPD and bipolar I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar but idk.  Don’t tell me to ask my psych or therapist. Already did that and well here we are.   ,0.8138709677419378,3.3258032903225865,2.4344516129032283,88.65167741935484,96.741935483871,6.3509677419354835,28.780645161290327,7.554174236665415,2.4313174193548392,126,7,24,3,5,41,29,31,0.051,0.8640000000000001,0.085,0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736958694681984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165811693964735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265031808587912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437108240714933,0.0,0.35380502814999604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959848673288762,0.0,0.0,0.3931852559025333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044765694899104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawayeverday3226,2018/12/06,"Going back to ex who you know is no good for you Hey all, looking for support while I continuous make terrible life decisions.

My ex and I were together 3 years of many highs and lows. I know I have my issues but he also had some narcissistic traits that basically sucked the life out of me. Near the end, he wasn't working, drinking every day, would never be able to get in contact with him and finally I hit my emotional breaking point and he left me. No explanation, just a minute phone call saying were done and then ghosted me for almost a month before coming back.

For this past month I have been working out almost every day, eating right, reconnecting eith friends and have dug myself out of the hole I was in. He has continued to drink, party, fuck around with the girl that was 'just a friend' and not to worry about (and I'm supposed to believe that shit wasn't happening when you were always disappearing?) And now wants to reconnect. He's making lots of promises and is just being the guy I wanted. But I know it's an act. 

3 years of emotional abuse, gaslighting,manipulating, lying and most likely cheating not to mention abandoning me at my lowest and I'm honestly considering taking him back. I know this is a terrible decision. I know I will get hurt again. I know he won't be able to keep this act up for long before his true colours show but here I am! Ready to get fucked over again! 

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. All of my friends, family, therapist make sure I know it's a bad decision and bring up great points but my head is just stuck. Does anyone else do this? I just need someone to talk to because no one else understands and fuck, I don't either.

I'm sorry for the vent, thanks for listening.",3.743333333333332,5.382762105263161,4.8418128654970785,82.9099122807018,72.6842105263158,8.107602339181287,25.53216374269006,8.735056554316923,1.8009953216374268,1368,44,270,26,27,449,184,342,0.179,0.675,0.146,-0.9609,1,0,2,0,1,0,38.0,0,3,0,2,16,24,6,0,12,0,29,10,2,3,5,65,67,22,1,4,12,2,0,1,3,3,2,2,0,2,11,21,3,3,12,3,0,6,11,12,0,1,11,4,37,12,39,49,6,46,0,3,2,3,28,17,5,5,23,175,48,2,0.17431400934910488,0.10326679852047142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455030075664654,0.0,0.0,0.0696994251492811,0.07252160989129966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094220416974365,0.08930265102737464,0.0,0.07758821251839565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105507014170013,0.07277245835273392,0.05313010108753713,0.0,0.14832838312264776,0.09819609813419727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889970465100267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507804211851977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241811539197863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627168213139073,0.08919187604775686,0.0,0.1707613671256737,0.0,0.08918337455213764,0.14561698732604042,0.1960797984935113,0.07719523657210565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686707097819687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216386723239341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547623842024036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201185682778364,0.24172573917708304,0.13660781300923627,0.0,0.04953333429050906,0.07310316038493603,0.0,0.09609090534495007,0.0,0.08629913743256183,0.07707265139327851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944823159254818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208616069027467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933033761281552,0.0,0.0,0.09096926877952342,0.0,0.1549383007544161,0.0,0.0,0.3831936833323737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469634059685512,0.0,0.12312313988097065,0.04258051001363033,0.0,0.0,0.07713120646598913,0.07318993287408064,0.0,0.0,0.07409776861032262,0.0,0.0,0.17453393221648975,0.08836352290718526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391357792098003,0.0,0.0,0.0646258146037844,0.06722085506391877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590598420084868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320122298250339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647830821019712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443160577428491,0.0,0.06931074834322072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946541281861632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384784722557777,0.0,0.0,0.09756513108409023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989047360474482,0.08214444544498366,0.0,0.06553122069219898,0.07005349890874571,0.0,0.08024245999145184,0.0,0.1011960000527038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073351562306786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281491903435294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786456403139111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269026748759798,0.0885121689486934,0.0,0.06191383546417384,0.0,0.0,0.1122525069115335
bpd,altqqplease,2018/12/06,"Why doesn't understanding of the problem solve it? I really dont get it. Somedays i feel like i finally understand my problems and they are solved, but at the same time i understand next day it will be different version of me who doesn't give a fuck. ",5.743333333333332,5.9433632,6.722000000000001,76.55433333333336,67.0,11.466666666666667,34.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,3.9522666666666666,200,9,40,6,3,67,40,50,0.077,0.747,0.17600000000000002,0.5824,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,13,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,1,3,11,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337625247151215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669968301188627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430833992910063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487291089858372,0.14817400389611965,0.0,0.2272079131884379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917475372968979,0.10836335348155404,0.19896691845355366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133022606225099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058327276921216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969274096789784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287238880026514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094264990218084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6477645039877518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715559088578554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,calladc,2018/12/06,"Just want to fucking die 33 years old and the same fucking up and down, hot and cold self destructive dissociating psychological abuse fucking mental breakdown bullshit just never fucking stops.

I fucking hate myself so much.  I wish I had the balls to fucking kill myself.

I just want to fucking die",5.464905660377358,8.366505301886793,5.464754716981133,74.76279245283024,71.45283018867924,6.504150943396226,33.241509433962264,7.554174236665415,2.6463766037735845,243,12,37,3,5,76,34,53,0.39799999999999996,0.506,0.096,-0.9811,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,10,0,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,12,12,4,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,10,0,0,1,2,6,0,5,11,2,6,0,0,0,7,1,2,7,0,4,24,6,0,0.0,0.15563331242368253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726499561012401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8500442419581841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968513200330106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532402089700105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237419372630646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656049090140698,0.0,0.10130849883446348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783419397617386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703113478405518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098180384499208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495228519858667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105091019129052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458783330559536
bpd,canuk99,2018/12/06,"Daughter adult stole my credit card My dysfunctional adult daughter stole my credit card and went out last night bar hopping. I received a notice from the credit card company about some suspicious charges and had the card cancelled last evening.

When she returned home, drunk I sent her to bed after asking her if it was her that it done these things. I searched her wallet this morning I found the receipt for the bar but no credit card.

So now what? She already has several convictions for related behaviour do I call the police and have her picked up for this to?

Just three months ago I'd had all my banking changed because she had stolen all ourin personal information, there's just no stopping this person.

 By the way she's 25 doesn't work doesn't do anything really.

Last time I evicted  her from the house she attacked me with a baseball bat several times in the front and back.  Because I'm a big guy and she's just a slight girl or woman I just wrestled the bat away from her and had her picked up by a friend of hers, the problem is she's run out of friends.  I'm really at my wits ends here as to what to do with her....",3.752291978076734,5.514958372197313,4.004895366218238,88.41543472845045,72.90134529147983,7.108021923268561,27.635525660189337,7.793537801064563,1.56104105630294,899,34,181,12,18,279,128,223,0.114,0.8109999999999999,0.075,-0.7882,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,12,8,1,0,15,0,14,3,0,2,2,26,20,12,0,2,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,10,10,3,1,2,3,5,5,4,2,0,1,9,0,30,6,26,11,3,29,0,0,0,0,33,8,0,3,15,121,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491051091445028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794950597833508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524242758911605,0.0,0.14228054240429888,0.1731422778185643,0.14299096849173365,0.11702754247288966,0.0,0.18555170453235187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540675944765028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100072902452073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574697104219928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479842344109808,0.0,0.0,0.10052248761139276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668725101897693,0.2351689130572933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506956670748716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266266612078844,0.0,0.0,0.17561106816569466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721744768267044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147954015408108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282345502394464,0.0,0.0,0.17327350883499554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657792949622591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562879370700796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499833194790794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438710672974569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724072790014712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111071566699804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749071274496428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080425595963225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410850623957349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079880873065197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,harrydavis111,2018/12/06,"advice on ''FP'' please broke up with uni gf due to arguing etc, been 4 months, rather than thinking about her i find myself obsessively looking up childhood romance gf, why am i doing this is this my ''fp'' am i just searching for happiness in a idealised past? am i looking her up to avoid the pain i feel now, she has a bf now and seems happy but i just miss her and feel i need her ",2.6816877637130787,3.8340379493670897,4.033607594936711,89.59488396624474,74.56962025316456,6.785654008438819,25.824894514767927,7.1686216300943375,1.012542616033755,294,10,65,3,6,97,56,79,0.135,0.73,0.134,0.2263,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,2,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,14,15,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,14,3,11,14,1,11,0,2,2,0,9,5,0,1,6,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309733126092895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26360964950943044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390266680764148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603348707341552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032302461888761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969744324217373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866442696563426,0.0,0.0,0.1752617816733583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251509210298677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225637304020335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594579821068581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517797730748456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514532595994556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21328280543563166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pure_Coffee,2018/12/06,"I just want to ""run away"" and never come back I say ""run away"" because I'm 25, so it's not like I'm supposed to be living with my parents anyways. I feel like such a failure. I was an alcoholic for years and my parents kindly took me back in after I sobered up and I started to get things on track. I got a job, reconnected with old friends, etc.

Then, one day I quit my job because I convinced myself that all my coworkers hated me and didn't want me there. I haven't been working in months now. I was selling blood plasma to scrape by but I haven't done that in about a month now either. My phone is turned off because I haven't paid the bills. Same with my car insurance. I live at my parents for free and I can't even pay two fucking bills.

Christmas is coming up and there's just no way I can get anyone any presents. I don't want anyone to get me anything because I don't deserve anything. I don't want people to ask what I've been up to because the answer is humiliating. I am such a worthless piece of shit.

I have almost no money and about half a tank of gas. I desperately want to start driving until I run out of gas. I don't know where I'll go or what I'll do but it has to be better for everyone if I just disappear.",1.3828804347826102,2.9359761780303053,3.3236429512516463,91.67774703557312,78.88636363636364,5.803425559947299,23.97826086956522,6.498293943080001,0.5639379446640311,957,33,217,8,23,323,141,264,0.124,0.7859999999999999,0.09,-0.9123,5,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,17,11,3,0,8,0,24,5,2,0,2,34,48,14,0,6,9,3,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,13,1,0,3,0,7,10,13,4,0,3,9,2,37,8,35,37,5,40,0,1,0,1,7,13,2,3,18,150,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777651122598748,0.11035521456954296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494374013946821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411695054869434,0.0,0.18138000771040347,0.0,0.10302756971062904,0.0,0.2070840007400384,0.1694829536976089,0.0,0.3359022402253528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746809645804788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986511994617566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107364004420398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277882165133413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229086265031494,0.07278990805671608,0.0,0.0,0.10530638858346296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572337644993025,0.07873106342191186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851447470411495,0.1018835094076365,0.17273398500215678,0.0,0.06263251005903389,0.0,0.08814166577055509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880543623513207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187245526098906,0.0,0.0,0.11476240783993667,0.06056623930541605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768199879726233,0.0,0.19462752513238227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593047622879449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499752623708311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564247475426608,0.0,0.07467831918979596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671115801486325,0.0,0.0,0.07640284286865316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721746042301386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764009540213258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312469569348706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600850036562874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321585320691386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244272660700185,0.0,0.11987229123381375,0.1076550775220545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250112546871153,0.0874762542502483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802311531672021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096893807969955
bpd,throwawayygoawayy,2018/12/06,"WTF is a feeling? It seems to be the ender of me, yet I can’t even call it by its name. I always thought I had trouble identifying what is is that I feel. I actually think I don’t know what a feeling is. At least not in the same way that I know what a thought is or what water is.

The only way I can really know a feeling is viscerally: I feel a punch in my gut, or my chest is tight. But then tracing the origin or relation of the visceral to anything else (what I guess people call “feelings”) is just a mystery to me. The best times I can come up with an answer to “how doe that make you feel?” Is if an image or a metaphor arises, and so I have an example maybe, and that feels closer to something real than say narrowing down how I feel merely through terminology, like starting with the term “anger” and moving to “indignation.”

.",5.7256140350877205,4.6828157134502915,7.001286549707602,78.70789473684212,67.30409356725147,9.939181286549706,32.45029239766082,9.150863307647796,2.5389345029239765,641,23,138,10,9,220,100,171,0.08900000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.068,-0.7574,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,17,0,17,3,2,4,0,40,37,13,0,1,8,0,10,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,12,6,1,1,17,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,11,18,2,18,33,4,17,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,7,7,102,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.1396775992777066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909849600699594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778663302138673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020972441816932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29231051004785946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329679267832035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252570460499675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956963041495992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453829334516158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6513531538481293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576776314220876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359872014321239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699277733827941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554268886348714,0.0,0.14379678827449205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212820468922747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885943804006176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923071156915107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291720121408051,0.09169495276905183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382546384684293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030331653489566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101911221460318,0.0,0.0,0.1013105921250284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171413484210282,0.0,0.2272639411804882,0.08346226534103159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272253394963007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stixy_stixy,2018/12/06,"I called the police on my boyfriend who has BPD... I'm afraid and scared and confused and lost. I have BPD too. But the police officer didn't know that. 

When I showed her his suicide note and she said, ""This has BPD and attention seeking written all over it,"" I thought, ""You could be right. But you're painting his life with an awfully broad paintbrush."" 

When I told her how he blamed his abusive behaviour on me and said I make him behave that way, and when I told her his life is chaotic right now and he's been threatening suicide a lot lately, she responded by saying that's the BPD and I need to get away from him.

When I told her I'm the one who works while he's on income support and spends his days smoking dope and playing PS4, she told me I can do better and this will only get worse. That I need to leave. That his BPD is really bad and there's no stopping it. 

She's right. A lot of his behaviours are classic signs of BPD. But I'm angry. Angry that she assumed she knew everything because I told her this one small detail about him. Forget that I told her he hasn't seen his kids and that eats him up, that he's insanely depressed, that he has bad anxiety, that he was drinking (for the first time in a year) and tried to kill himself. None of that matters, because he has BPD. That's the focus. I need to leave him because he has BPD. Not for any other reason. Just the BPD. 

I am not saying what he did is okay. This is the second time I've had to call the police because I'm afraid. And it turns out one of my neighbours also called tonight. And another one found me in the hallway crying and asked me to come into her apartment to get away from him. And when I was following him outside while on the phone with 911 (I was following him because I didn't want him to pass out and die... I wanted the ambulance to know where to find him), he was yelling and swearing at me and calling me a cunt, a piece of shit, saying he wished I was dead. A group of teens came up to me and asked if I was okay. They asked if he hit me. 

When he saw them talking to me he chased after them. They stood their ground. They punched him and jumped on his back. I screamed at them to go away. And he looked at me and said, ""Did you see what they did to me? You caused this. This is YOUR fault. Are you happy with YOURSELF? You are such a fucking bitch. I regret that I never called the police on you when you were suicidal.""

But I didn't call the police!!! And he wouldn't listen!!! 

The dispatch lady could hear him and said she was also sending police. I called the ambulance. He is the one who got the police sent. But that's my fault, right? 

She said I needed to go back to my apartment and lock myself inside. That I needed to stop following him because it was clear he was angry and she wanted to make sure I was safe.

So I did. But then he came back and started banging on the patio door. It's cold outside, and he has nowhere to go, and he said he wouldn't be mean and he wasn't mad, so I let him inside. But it started again. He started blaming me and saying how evil I am. And he started throwing things. He broke his PlayStation and his vacuum and he put holes in the walls. He got in my face and asked why the fuck I was so afraid of him, that he wasn't going to touch me. When I screamed, ""Youre six foot three and I'm five foot three. I'm afraid!!"" he laughed. HE LAUGHED IN MY FACE and called me dumb. 

So I called 911 again. Mid-call he came up to me and I got scared so I screamed. He asked what the fuck was wrong with me, threw a box of food on the floor, and left. A male came on the phone and told me to get out of the apartment and go to the lobby where it was more public. So I did, but by then my boyfriend was gone.

So that's when the police showed up. The man was wonderful. I said to no one in particular, ""Do I really need to leave him?""

He said an emphatic yes. I said I'm afraid I'll never meet anyone. He says he has the same fear, but that I will. And that he will. And he smiled at me. And when he was about to go, he asked if I felt safe alone for the night. I said yes. He looked me in the eyes and said,"" Are you sure?"" I said yes.

I don't know if he's coming back, and I don't know if he wants to be with me. But if he does come back, I'm telling him that he needs to go to AA, get a job, and get anger management. If he doesn't, this relationship can never work.

But we were so good once. I believe we can get there again. If boundaries are set and I make sure they aren't ever crossed again, can it work? I won't give an inch. If he ever does anything like this again, it's over.

Can we make it work?",0.6779947386286479,2.520920249490836,2.061900458248473,98.499035344535,82.24847250509166,5.10999660556687,18.986804141208417,6.044373625665351,-0.3799684657162259,3543,86,854,25,96,1137,317,982,0.111,0.8290000000000001,0.06,-0.9837,4,1,1,0,2,2,144.0,3,10,9,7,44,47,11,9,44,6,75,14,6,8,10,153,185,98,6,26,23,0,2,1,1,6,2,23,3,3,47,71,3,4,14,4,1,26,21,32,1,12,68,32,145,15,86,104,7,122,0,4,6,3,175,49,7,14,46,541,192,6,0.0,0.043259634789914805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037814446146081884,0.0,0.05839576166248984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02482877225663542,0.038285029002986234,0.02793086033378771,0.0,0.0,0.025529381499639608,0.0,0.030045490757250725,0.0,0.20479747018812094,0.0,0.10291002589673699,0.14037375406233887,0.060970418686495435,0.1335408167384496,0.0,0.0,0.041135460805806885,0.0,0.03229106480062333,0.0,0.0,0.4138596081073799,0.0,0.3355368623902332,0.16703570015666952,0.0,0.03750691520695157,0.0,0.09435313370768902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830221963878548,0.0,0.04010568407658729,0.023546612683375826,0.0,0.03144692176733433,0.0,0.03789271507091293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390214785563145,0.0,0.0,0.035766938086198186,0.0,0.03735992853204261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605268664292782,0.0,0.0,0.03281378573989357,0.0,0.0,0.04108509225065786,0.0,0.0,0.035056342506763885,0.0,0.03337044663243364,0.031056288282656632,0.04414931768112263,0.04003249185647096,0.0,0.1012616576280308,0.13352865036416384,0.03502473488451598,0.14525053428828644,0.03062374418060408,0.08760368811317451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038866701412280345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04115061723329209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036231592482435064,0.0,0.040394077413786235,0.0,0.08026209310378976,0.0,0.041186065059311286,0.11597981965698002,0.039669372623663234,0.03733503170648122,0.0515776817113442,0.017837459268118982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061320188323712825,0.0,0.03985613408622481,0.0620807937256761,0.0,0.0,0.09748566204959982,0.0,0.0,0.03977124702545317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895074142386985,0.08447873901371472,0.0,0.0,0.03426315570885232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888308642941566,0.1484450316641158,0.027768305754001056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367036988931864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677983885334179,0.037539449740321175,0.0,0.03919921367160046,0.0,0.12472098016998852,0.4167645386873076,0.14517529851325028,0.07310787928009224,0.0,0.029094587059787718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03747807756522127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337086242210347,0.0,0.0,0.0610497606547824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981151825858058,0.04143231727627687,0.10323372354568426,0.0,0.0,0.02934620635060432,0.031912275009112666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024256325364423074,0.0,0.0,0.028985702660143588,0.04257978443832164,0.0,0.0,0.2442151718221245,0.0,0.02478861253102431,0.0397135479679378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614067468159299,0.028980779323277087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03294555197355472,0.0,0.041985916175649785,0.0,0.03959468621788504,0.10632194369635473,0.0,0.03720788852647651,0.0,0.039919111605880284,0.0,0.023511925046667742
bpd,dubt95,2018/12/06,"These past few weeks have caused my life to take a turn I've been doing good recently. Like REALLY good, unbelievably good. I've made so much progress and everyone that's is important in my life has seen it. My fiance tells me, my best friend tells m. Even my mom can see it and she doesn't ever see me.

Or at least it was.

Everything was going great until I hit a tree on the way to work a few weeks ago. Don't even remember the wreck, I just woke up in the hospital screaming in pain. Here's the best part..my boss texted me five minutes later and told me we weren't working due to the heavy rain. I broke my leg and almost cut my ear off. Apparently I was even asking for my dad (he died about a year ago and he was my savior)
Now I can't work and I'm just stuck at home all day with nothing but time to think..and that's when things get crazy. I keep running through crazy scenarios and overthinking everything. I feel like such a burden but I don't know what to do, I can't even walk. I don't know what's next for me, but I'm honestly terrified. 
Since the wreck, we've struggled. Luckily we don't have a house payment/rent, but I can't put food on the table now. I've always been the provider and now I'm having to ask for so much help just to get a bath. 

I had my first break in months the other night. I don't even know what happened. All I know is we we're playing board games, and all of the sudden the red blinders came down and I raged for no reason. I don't know if it's the cabin fever or something else but I just lost it. 

It's really hard to be okay with messing up and I just feel like I let everyone down. I just..I wish I could go back. I don't even know how far, just back. I miss being happy and I don't know when it changed. I have a beautiful fiance, a great service dog, and an asshole of a cat(aren't they all tho?). It just doesn't make sense to me why I can't stay happy. Maybe it's because the world is out to get me, Maybe it's all in my head, but what I do know is that this won't beat me. I've worked to God damn hard to let one little thing throw my life in a spiral. I'm trying so hard not to cry typing this, but maybe that's all I need, just a good hearty cry. 

I know this has been all over the place and doesn't make a lot of sense but that's me, that's how my head works. I'm just a little scatterbrained is all. I don't even know why I'm telling yall all of this, but I really just needed to get all of this out before it comes out in a different way.

I love you guys, be safe and be easy ✌🏼
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bpd,breatheoblivion,2018/12/06,"Napalm Everything Small things turn into me picking apart every relationship I have, why I have them at all, and does it really matter if I say what I'm feeling cause right now it all feels SO valid. I think it's splitting, but how do you tell the difference between valid things that are upsetting vs my brain saying ""burn everything.""

I know I'll regret blowing small things out of proportion. I know patience and impulse control are things I need to work on. So, I'm going to sit at home, and NOT text people reactions to a narrative in my head that they aren't even privy to.",4.021229105211408,5.778363610619472,4.761533923303833,83.28757128810228,72.18584070796459,8.208062930186825,26.714847590953788,8.841846274778883,2.055350835791544,460,16,88,9,9,148,81,113,0.07400000000000001,0.903,0.023,-0.8128,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,2,5,2,0,1,2,0,6,2,2,4,2,23,16,8,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,10,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,13,0,12,16,2,13,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,1,56,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004236985383733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844349026550945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136704677690895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875789165685972,0.0,0.0,0.15711484607804338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858310470997913,0.0,0.15126844331898914,0.0,0.32271421658055804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155953650077405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203553894850616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425770542737774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009117513974354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733869403565305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312509479796647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446898969805248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501659064110407,0.0,0.0,0.19275653883521507,0.0,0.15332440504488906,0.0,0.2855515245812913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692405793258704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771080727565147,0.1150406514708131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528570433319695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200504993902382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070574604402002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,grandmaern,2018/12/06,"A 13 year old I have been close to for over 10 years committed suicide..... how do I deal with the pain of this when I struggle with suicidal thoughts? Having BPD, I go through ups and downs severely as well known. Yesterday I was feeling beat up at work not being able to do tasks as my boss wanted and had a fight with my boyfriend over miscommunication and I said I wanted to die. I didn’t want to try anymore and I wanted to give up and in the moment knew I had no other option as I needed to keep my job for monetary reasons and I have so much invested in my boyfriend and so much love for him I wouldn’t be able to start over. I have been feeling this way since I had to switch my meds too. 
Today I found out that last night this little girl I’ve know since she was about 2, killed herself. She needed attention desperately from her family and we think she tried killing herself for the attention but accidentally fully killed herself. I cannot cope with this. I cannot wrap my head around someone so young who I have thought as my baby sister and has told me she would love to be my kid, is just gone. 

Does anyone have advice for me in staying strong with my struggles? ",3.5065732959850604,4.838569890756304,4.291876750700283,87.84217553688144,72.78151260504202,7.305695611577962,25.40709617180205,7.793537801064563,1.185083286647992,926,29,197,12,18,297,139,238,0.141,0.777,0.08199999999999999,-0.9254,1,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,1,0,0,3,10,11,4,2,5,0,25,4,1,3,1,46,48,19,6,8,3,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,7,18,0,1,12,0,1,2,6,7,1,0,15,3,40,4,40,28,2,30,0,0,0,2,21,15,0,1,11,139,47,3,0.2270036210296152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091265561448026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112563297184401,0.0793631049604962,0.0,0.0,0.10104067513941084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295155702416182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701538279299148,0.0,0.0,0.11779695968950488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932619925671167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699940555090924,0.0,0.1147798514882183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444887680025325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888127904284067,0.06450569456581491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164856028613189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263303331927607,0.1008856242787368,0.3767188099270616,0.0,0.06237762673015704,0.09251912445441804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375863213134932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048796307923203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607492433037462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668737808281658,0.16832030864102182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651376034463886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910105707567288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077392886040775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669876490906912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796621345265944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282247388758237,0.0,0.1877797411063911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616971572189968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803371656729935,0.12097782811235673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731347247044185,0.0,0.2483051172278072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272737717564905,0.0,0.1802155185469874,0.0,0.0,0.10758644494967988,0.10845584396013046,0.0,0.15412055777007566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677852342885679,0.09009245411224263,0.0,0.0,0.10205175867227284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263066985481889,0.0,0.0,0.08062842966368519,0.0,0.0,0.1461828893370059
bpd,5-Star_Fraud,2018/12/06,"I tried to save my FP. My FP was/is my lover. I decided to end our relationship today in hopes of saving her from the rollercoaster that is me. I was worried I'd make things worse and hurt her moving forward. She told me I didn't have the right to make that decision for her. I saw it as an infected limb that needed to be amputated before the rest of the body became infected. She wanted to save the limb. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of hurting the only people that care about me.

",1.4625242718446645,3.4759861747572813,3.5493300970873816,87.96108252427187,80.45631067961166,6.838446601941747,20.00873786407768,7.908726449838941,0.7863833009708738,388,10,83,7,10,132,65,103,0.16899999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.138,-0.3818,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,1,10,0,2,7,0,6,5,1,2,0,12,16,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,1,17,6,14,10,1,6,0,2,1,1,9,3,0,1,3,53,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210152681357484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815854034094448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370363175542961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757279177671496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900668744757645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195169076419215,0.0,0.0,0.4568924931834525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848887387382203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22680758138567844,0.0,0.1582314101784392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229827929218235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794283371814967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291088619114137,0.0,0.18224014684715614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177169840583256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227570918704946,0.20391028593589228,0.0,0.14488277374453032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586726934065642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167153388559976,0.21747010197308714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AcesInSpaces,2018/12/06,"[BPD Partner] Enough is enough when? Hi all, 

I came here to vent and see if anyone can offer me any advice. Throwaway account. 

I met my partner in sophomore year of high school. We dated on-and-off until senior year. At this point, neither of us knew that she was a verifiable borderline, but all of the signs were there. A couple months before graduation I floated the idea of breaking it off since we'll be studying 4 hours apart and she got really upset. This was understandable to me, as we weren't really casually dating at that point. In hindsight, I feel as though I had sealed my fate by doubling down on this relationship four years ago. 

After my first semester, I drop out of a very good university and move home so I could be closer to her. (I don't blame this on her, as it was ultimately my decision, but I feel a little bit resentful at what I gave up for what I have now. Read on.)

We attended community college together, and while I was finishing up credits, she just stops going to class and fails everything. She focused more on her slightly-above-minimum-wage job than she did on school (her parents provided plenty for her). Second semester at community college, and she does the same thing- failing classes, but at this point she's sleeping at my house every night, completely shutting out her parents in addition to wasting their money. 

One night I get a message on Facebook from some random guy saying that his buddy fucked my girlfriend. I text her asking if there's anything she needs to tell me. She says yes and spills everything about how she had been smoking weed at work and some guy had been coming to see her and one night they were smoking cigarettes after she got of work and he kissed her and they had sex in her car. Basically a complete stranger. 

I don't know why I let that one go, but I did. Might have been the crying and begging. Either way, it set in motion a terrible chain of events that have led me to where I am today. 

I'll make this one short because I'm still burnt about it. Six months later, I'm still taking classes, she has completely dropped out. This was last December. We are working at the same restaurant and I find out she has been sleeping with our boss when she stays late to close with him. Somewhere in between the first and second time I had an intimate experience with another girl, which I wholly regretted and admitted it to her on my own agency. I won't get into the reasons why I felt compelled to do something like that, but I'll just say that I would never have considered it before I found out that she had cheated on me the first time. 

At this point, her mom suggests to her that she may have BPD, as it runs in her family. She gets evaluated and diagnosed with that and a host of other disorders that she likes to show off on her instagram: ASPD, GAD, MDD, C-PTSD. For whatever reason, maybe I was too scared to be alone at that point, I take her back again and we move a couple hours away so I can go to a 4-year school and finish my degree. 

Here we are today, 12 months later. I feel like all she does is sleep, smoke weed, complain, and go to work. She occasionally cleans up after herself, but not consistently. She will be re-painting her nails and leaving the cotton balls soaked with nail-polish remover and old nail polish on the coffee table for our dog to chew on, even though I tell her that she should clean up after herself. She takes it terribly every time, and does not change. 

She got a DUI two weeks ago. She has no secondary education. I feel like she is spoiled and entitled. She does not pay for rent, and only occasionally pays a bill or two (last bill she paid was internet two months ago). She acts like a child when she doesn't get what she wants, and despite going to therapy twice a week for the last 12 months, she is not getting better. 

I feel as though she is taking serious advantage of me and uses her diagnosis to justify it. She knows that she can walk all over me, so she does it. How can I fight back without her going ballistic? Threats don't do anything at this point. Should I just break it off 100%? She doesn't have a place to stay out here. I don't know when enough is enough. 

Thanks for reading. ",4.49070023506124,5.738000851581512,5.117525258773559,83.18724421625636,70.28953771289538,8.249280382696194,27.435853024867004,8.644795401552905,1.8989169615241863,3308,111,654,55,59,1064,372,822,0.092,0.843,0.064,-0.9811,5,1,3,0,1,0,106.0,10,0,3,11,31,26,5,2,27,1,66,8,3,9,5,113,113,55,0,9,18,3,6,5,3,8,1,3,4,6,40,49,1,1,18,5,9,18,16,14,0,15,32,11,124,12,104,67,18,144,0,3,2,3,101,61,1,8,62,464,164,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092910871719112,0.13859839342115313,0.0,0.0,0.05397853248005955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035442028808708656,0.054650269729042175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03644211905552165,0.0,0.08577735040488645,0.0,0.04872329679543618,0.0,0.04896657883895656,0.08015105352838231,0.0,0.031770650498151684,0.0,0.08869716267584901,0.0,0.0,0.04609413776477474,0.05689936013519019,0.0,0.1312815989959001,0.0,0.0,0.059609110308035625,0.0,0.0,0.05513393589864685,0.04489504419167245,0.16393420167063993,0.0,0.0,0.041611984005718784,0.11533515662691912,0.057249178321956785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052898675322240636,0.0,0.0,0.05973174599898288,0.0,0.2280440754206425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154073138411986,0.0,0.034423449023606355,0.0,0.08782332964222536,0.0,0.0936805998697979,0.050981406970745116,0.04913221424359829,0.0,0.13176213982526222,0.07446622260236367,0.05004145546184377,0.0,0.047634909961772685,0.1329946385542264,0.0,0.057144699504110975,0.0,0.04818225336549657,0.13614752571499053,0.0,0.1777191708134383,0.04371410765948898,0.1250505826773813,0.0,0.0,0.10321003263835417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055065530972490964,0.05227860581139459,0.0,0.10265146790920976,0.060137177228965874,0.0,0.05883488084180481,0.0,0.0,0.05171907540473241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592807328415769,0.127449384066769,0.05879137676488834,0.055185439256036035,0.0,0.05329418851798155,0.0,0.12731111686077984,0.05223593025735875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03478917127964905,0.0,0.052359538508409416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528896436661155,0.0,0.06103997446627867,0.2080004612535679,0.1107863769034369,0.0,0.03864483836671651,0.04019661639461173,0.0,0.0,0.14672764393968946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468907628740805,0.0,0.14126602890035425,0.03963808932353957,0.0,0.0,0.11574174774682047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054452219717089516,0.0,0.2956101495559555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060923155741359675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042642124675094,0.0,0.06677625374181761,0.1071719733386308,0.0,0.055955229919042934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433898202544652,0.05217921242352533,0.1582386025135074,0.08306260028422473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04311255012653773,0.0,0.15646692408043328,0.0,0.0,0.04012298447359308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110171199434314,0.08324300801994584,0.043572983664412084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567450064436239,0.0,0.0911068625169042,0.04798325430060861,0.0596014778300513,0.0,0.03462488493081016,0.0,0.15361701810975234,0.0,0.09117127889770872,0.0,0.09880354448249264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273514579762848,0.05425667849906028,0.06269153972127825,0.045013220358567176,0.0,0.04300281018752683,0.030740548124069175,0.041368844381740016,0.0836118355709361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940567813902664,0.0,0.0,0.05023989444185119,0.0,0.15177010576819985,0.0,0.0,0.03702313353952474,0.0,0.0,0.13424913906155742
bpd,Zercuits,2018/12/06,I fucking hate being high functioning. I hate being high functioning. I hate that in school and at work I give off this stoic image and everyone loves how much effort I put into things but they can't see that I'm internally fucking freaking out and over reaching myself. They get this idea that I'm this perfect strong guy with his life on track when In in the shower I break down and cry. I still miss my ex girlfriend. I haven't had an FP since losing her in may. I genuinely feel so fucking alone. Yet all I hear is praise for being there for others and doing everything and more. I just want to be held. I just want to cry. I don't want to die because I feel like too many people depend on me already and I can't let them down and that stresses me out. I just want a fucking hug.,2.2653439153439163,4.00022251851852,3.4907583774250446,90.64555555555555,76.90123456790123,6.110052910052911,22.0652557319224,6.868970318607317,0.4931996472663141,616,17,131,6,14,200,101,162,0.172,0.619,0.209,0.7848,1,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,6,10,17,7,1,3,0,13,7,0,2,2,29,35,12,1,4,4,1,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,9,12,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,2,4,25,6,20,27,3,21,1,2,1,6,12,16,4,2,4,92,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240119918732474,0.141071969833644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792861405542273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808472003241728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267524523487756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221543045974551,0.11489219133487175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292770627048617,0.09132720656258513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727352028324148,0.06678986939006162,0.1226334740435841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265793220159247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786394893560853,0.0,0.0,0.1440822654902482,0.0,0.0,0.27013488509854844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431308928926484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072260666039373,0.09029547707115756,0.06245499374578883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301757414970853,0.0,0.0,0.11537842458180217,0.0,0.0,0.12960726089841418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939753447500083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862649517689926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851209639022804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937847552792955,0.10187001554100646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574858327031993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209127202441463,0.0,0.14643753820746894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492962064605833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016077131630782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306729490987917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HaleyPSU,2019/05/31,"I don’t think I know how to make friends Finding out I had BPD was one of the most eye opening things that ever happened to me. My entire life I’ve felt “unlikeable”. I don’t (and I have never) had a group of best friends or even really good friends. I consider myself a loner. I’ve always envied other girls and their abilities to just get along with people. Sometimes I wonder is it my resting bitch face? Is it my personality? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Am I too uptight? 

I’ve had boyfriends pretty much constantly since my junior year of high school. I consider them my best friends and became emotionally dependent on them for a while. I’m moving in with my current boyfriend come July and I don’t know whether it will be good or bad for my BPD. I think it’s a relatively healthy relationship seeing as he is so supportive but there are times I feel like he’s the only person who likes me. 

I’m the maid of honor in my only real best friend’s wedding and even sometimes when I’m with her I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel totally disconnected from others. I get along with the guys I work with and even hang out with them outside of work. The only issue is I’m usually really drunk when I’m out with them. So basically...I don’t feel like I have social skills unless I’m intoxicated. 

I don’t have any hobbies that guys like and I don’t have a lot in common with other girls. I’ve basically become a “bro” since starting at my new job this year and I feel like it’s making it even harder to make friends with girls. It’s so difficult to try and make friends it’s almost debilitating. My boyfriend has a ton of friends who really love him and it makes me wish I had friends even more.  I have this irrational fear that no one actually likes me and they all put on a front because they feel bad for me. 

What do you guys do in your free time when you’re alone with your thoughts and don’t really enjoy anything other than watching TV? How do you make friends without being or feeling awkward? Is this common amongst people who have BPD?",1.917064962476548,4.095833100961542,3.570919324577861,87.53261726078802,79.76923076923076,6.462382739212008,23.367495309568486,7.590005382236693,1.0736798311444655,1614,55,334,25,41,536,188,416,0.092,0.695,0.213,0.9955,2,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,4,7,7,17,33,1,3,13,0,36,7,3,9,4,72,71,28,0,1,8,1,7,6,10,1,3,0,1,8,25,30,2,1,15,2,1,5,11,7,0,2,7,10,54,27,43,61,11,34,0,0,3,1,42,12,1,8,23,221,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.06559983392357527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673140040572803,0.06962263038444491,0.0,0.0,0.05593482132430595,0.0,0.0,0.04571386361300441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531870253051605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225659390054447,0.04097844374563766,0.07424238959512526,0.0,0.0,0.21163879590914397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539945925691935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057906558852907186,0.0,0.07264405198146548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561669211756046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200039143465825,0.06080694359867837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564442914298129,0.2039394478856568,0.14407211684437896,0.06454450681493902,0.0,0.06144049453159853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193623038240974,0.0,0.07024236062077571,0.0,0.0,0.11276672485628406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968366008286206,0.05944497083193881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102466357782522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016322173228327,0.06670833580107266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083181055580647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748150820460366,0.19705022183706106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715048871585227,0.0606712738125063,0.0,0.269230766613996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714472829881877,0.04941655160935264,0.0,0.05184642926298918,0.06492427645624964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110392654376982,0.15337808839863604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320776177019342,0.11739285192572545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838983608477174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757756154646344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651435447203553,0.1722587932319921,0.0,0.0,0.07217221572611865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803314348112284,0.0535679320338674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121492209887804,0.0,0.0,0.06852526064640009,0.0,0.0,0.13297029453200626,0.0,0.04758070050221482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628372766729424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044659894496618086,0.08614741440571984,0.0,0.053367457900734,0.07839640391257648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563992293642378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403650521143625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773029945211146,0.06480045752578924,0.07290034589126243,0.0978781146116834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657866154258262
bpd,dysohcysp,2019/05/31,"BPD and Bipolar Anyone here with a diagnosis of BPD and bipolar? I’ve been in treatment for a little while and my psychologist believes I may have BPD and Bipolar ii (with some PTSD thrown in there too).

I am currently taking lamactal (and buspar for my anxiety). 

Can anyone who has this diagnosis explain to me what they feel like? I am honestly so lost right now. 
I’m trying to come to grips with it but I feel sad and out of control. 

*I’ve tried to search this in the subreddit but none of the previous threads seemed to be what I was looking for, so sorry if I’m asking this again.",2.9379487179487143,4.787731555555556,4.403769230769231,84.3287307692308,75.32478632478632,7.4150427350427375,27.084615384615393,8.238735603445708,1.8284194871794872,460,18,92,8,10,153,74,117,0.076,0.8909999999999999,0.033,-0.7066,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,7,4,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,1,0,21,20,12,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,9,2,18,15,2,11,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,4,5,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477076428106788,0.0,0.0,0.2463665075269669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469663095610626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848502429215015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6656457531578778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175620311650473,0.0,0.0,0.197591389233102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815527227476735,0.1258570005446093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606852741620545,0.17657018908972827,0.0,0.0,0.14793974384399292,0.0,0.1923120730223786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593513078441664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044955309754535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603799753527637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720964255450832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245909132977687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23921785554396915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fun_Twist,2019/05/31,"Experiences with being misdiagnosed with BPD when you have ASD (autism spectrum disorder)? Hi, I've read about many women/girls being misdiagnosed with BPD when in reality they are on the autism spectrum, because they learned to mask very well (so that most people don't notice many of the autistic traits).  
I was curious whether anyone here has experienced that themselves or know others who experienced this and could share more about it.",10.490200000000002,10.766094520000005,8.871833333333337,64.85175000000001,57.13333333333333,11.766666666666666,38.75,11.20814326018867,4.5200000000000005,359,15,55,8,4,109,60,75,0.0,0.9079999999999999,0.092,0.7089,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,9,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,4,2,9,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,2,39,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129173222599338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061595169551686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810484423034291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841734003288092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26437092657484296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564218697331484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677169665251153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677318738125683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626224254836342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991942261252912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307351475972352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032915553468252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740248181006926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,plsanswerme18,2019/05/31,Anyone unable to enjoy healthy romantic relationships/connections? i mean i get the affection and attention i want and crave and then i go searching for reasons to move on/leave. it’s like i don’t trust anything good. what the fuck,3.462558139534885,6.4660701395348825,4.2291162790697685,80.05948837209301,80.16279069767441,8.091162790697675,29.53023255813953,8.841846274778883,3.0940827906976747,188,9,32,5,5,60,35,43,0.069,0.495,0.436,0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,8,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24123625481560496,0.0,0.2839105861016789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31895253766006865,0.1802514236664246,0.0,0.1960748912115046,0.2893747094759971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653115963481021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685525311033356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758127349031951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36668683574707933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35472368428986634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034935095056088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,beatrix___,2019/05/31,"late bloomer i have some trouble with proper social etiquette and “how to be” around people. i do better with one on one interactions and people i already know but thats only the case a small percentage of time.  

i oftentimes feel like i possess the awkwardness and discomfort you’d see in a teenager and this causes me to avoid interaction; i end up coming across as rude. i behave this way because i do not trust.  

a majority of the time, i would rather be perceived as standoffish than give someone the chance to deceive me. when i try to speak about this with the people in my life i am often told, “you are an adult” and it makes me feel like a failure because i already know the way i’m behaving is inappropriate.  

i am constantly working to change my behaviors, it just really sucks when all these well adjusted folk misunderstand me and expect me to have all this figured out already.  

anyone else?",6.9240350877192975,7.1918279824561475,7.2953742690058485,73.21534210526316,64.49707602339181,10.348771929824565,34.64385964912281,10.125756701596842,3.509207719298246,719,30,128,15,10,235,108,171,0.18,0.745,0.075,-0.9652,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,9,11,2,3,11,0,12,1,0,3,2,33,23,12,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,6,1,2,1,4,22,5,22,18,4,18,0,0,1,0,9,8,1,2,9,94,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487424338944985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294842200472973,0.15085714619872018,0.0,0.13106818425353398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950319134106005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021522539132305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124838550731726,0.15575251513305188,0.12682780461596088,0.0,0.15910608079164865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299390271923638,0.0,0.13040433800596984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889040183761762,0.21036592569950213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123887754765352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183031758815816,0.0,0.16608472894261414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399470396335396,0.1438607734584101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982788701347342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953717202900234,0.11197698852044734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062175347487679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432094137601936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732527976545992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008504288082208,0.12474966148490665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170496736431473,0.0,0.0,0.14068701065116213,0.0,0.0999612365772217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23373268951625736,0.0,0.0,0.13237974400506988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071870496370031,0.0,0.0,0.10458977892469586,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,welt-scherz,2019/05/31,"I think I might have bpd but something is keeping me from looking for help. Help. I've looked at the definition, taken a few tests here and there, read some posts here...and feel like those are just my thoughts and the way I've been seeing the world and myself written down and verbatized.

For so many years now, I've been trying to find an explanation for the reason why I am not what one might consider normal, why I struggle at maintaining relationships, why the mood swings, why all of this confusion happens....

And now, after I've finally gotten a clue, or at least an idea, I just can't do it. I don't know why. I can afford it, I do have the time, it's just one simple phone call and one appointment to make. I just can't go see a therapist. Why? Is it because I Identify too much with my potential personality, because I maybe really lack another?

If you have any experience with this, please tell how you kept yourself from seeking professional help and how you were able to obsiege that obstacle.",4.664131868131872,5.956222010256416,5.514963369963372,80.33134615384618,69.92307692307692,9.263736263736263,28.800366300366306,9.606745405546679,2.5528827838827834,792,29,156,18,14,259,122,195,0.066,0.8420000000000001,0.091,0.7057,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,0,12,4,0,2,11,0,18,0,0,4,1,36,34,13,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,7,1,0,1,4,2,0,3,8,5,18,1,16,24,6,14,0,0,4,0,11,5,0,6,7,104,27,3,0.11274544562885973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667076923369429,0.11822343019835745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745715437992131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199894192811852,0.0,0.11512570568358442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028667997986062,0.0,0.0,0.05700748493155192,0.08054536888486262,0.0,0.12350712473257144,0.10304729474881176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407583497069509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970042522204846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22671268689908816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727588469217416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021333241523904,0.0,0.0,0.061961948369490726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550817297418273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893555573243299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752584604399971,0.11430618577023414,0.11326795415206525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392102015943749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288087519445203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046659859156384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291976954995472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844497432855467,0.0,0.12376064247859585,0.0,0.0,0.10797897119270884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277595614764906,0.0,0.07222761948197927,0.11592109583392082,0.0,0.12104641480024685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796870459282949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679695228920048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178660194320049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854448893629776,0.0,0.0,0.1309061522295688,0.0,0.07224272909740917,0.0,0.0895072900408287,0.06574277602104436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765467567765743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949208687166472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104113694867146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260437048034941
bpd,piralee,2019/05/31,"This subreddit scares me. I'm 26 years old. Relatively societally ""well adjusted"" in the sense that, in my undeveloped sense of self I've always grasped at being successful so..I've done well in college. Well in my career, mainly by wearing the masks of a successful person but...


Is there anything positive about this disorder? Are there any lights at the end of the tunnel? Does anyone have any stories about recovery, finding love, creating a cohesive self identity...feeling connected to others? Just anything, anything positive. 

I'm walking my path of recovery the best I can and this subreddit has helped me understand so much more but also, I'm spiralling now because I feel like...well we come here to vent, I'm spiralling because I feel almost more isolated now, reading all of these. Relating so much...please, someone tell me there are beautiful endings here. Can you post your age, too?",4.791930379746837,7.773987987341772,5.363781645569624,74.19541930379751,74.18987341772151,9.266455696202533,33.925632911392405,9.673873057562805,4.170024050632913,714,38,111,21,16,229,101,158,0.04,0.794,0.166,0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,0,3,17,8,0,1,7,0,9,2,1,0,1,14,18,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,12,7,16,16,6,16,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,1,7,74,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412717322478774,0.0,0.0,0.11510242123459705,0.1197630091272796,0.0,0.0,0.19575748113629626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064064718305643,0.0,0.3553314797052494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547930309372134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104782343718806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398473030281247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495861740511866,0.0,0.1259559209585414,0.14729247573512827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549621784741082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183291318383892,0.10282509675907414,0.0,0.0,0.13155130083833713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647462992868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031793719210333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990430911081546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161325919379856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103249136041513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567592837333952,0.0,0.15799418655612385,0.0,0.0,0.1378471327967586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397101613074192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410110728756026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003050706555189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195317250352232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580296980740074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983835681534266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882366388282908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926875315506394
bpd,flowersdying,2019/05/31,"What are your coping mechanisms for FP syndrome? I am totally besotted with someone and it's causing trouble with my mental and physical health. I feel like my mind and heart is going to explode because of them and I can't cope anymore - I'm scared and acting in self-destructive ways. 

How do you distract yourself from the various ways of fantasising about them? The longing and need of hearing from them/seeing them regularly? The deep adoration you have for them, then the devour of them when they don't meet your expectations? The urgency within yourself to change your opinions and who you are in hopes of satisfying them? The extreme jealousy of the relationships he as with others, especially with the opposite sex, and when they create new ones? The feeling of inferiority because of them? The deep fear of losing their interest? The crippling fear of thinking you're going to be abandoned by them or thinking that you need to abandon them? 

I can't do this alone anymore, I can't receive professional help either, I just need some friendly advice, please.",5.7460798429319375,8.195402178010475,6.0551537958115205,72.91215477748693,69.10471204188482,8.544633507853401,34.4505890052356,9.188382445141503,3.5532013089005243,860,43,135,18,16,275,114,191,0.159,0.727,0.115,-0.8109999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,7,12,1,5,14,0,4,11,0,12,3,1,2,1,32,24,14,0,5,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,12,0,2,4,0,0,4,4,9,0,1,0,3,27,5,28,23,4,16,0,4,0,1,27,5,0,4,6,103,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148456552269643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573455147833686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013318709126229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852206470963565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606588176316405,0.16071347492098892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419092780112961,0.15363279264713506,0.1085332037664254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737466482239753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268170100057165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614861255540906,0.17122728777283944,0.18002846172848327,0.10183020486597197,0.0,0.0,0.1508929594493612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422148139171829,0.0,0.0,0.13444630897102092,0.0,0.16996200914930076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310177984800596,0.0,0.15339804845350474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33794501483218403,0.0,0.14672734489544215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294637061011087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676488312560886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163107517969037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521005603996976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848792003529008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872313217754172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946911398215804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411774391103553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,joellama23,2019/05/31,"Any current/ prior military here? Any military vets or current AD have BPD here? Looking at a BPD diagnosis myself and have been dealing with it for a couple years. If so I’m getting the boot for personality disorder, but I honestly think it’ll be the best for me.

We all have our demons and some of us will be gaslit because they ran out of shampoo and forgot to buy some (or me finding out we are going on a battalion run), but more specifically what was your experience with it?  And what is your life like during/after the military? Also any and all advice is appreciated, it’d be nice to connect with people with similar circumstances.

Anyone wondering, I’m Army and at a miserable post in Alaska.",6.558283582089549,6.9175438955223845,7.9380223880597045,67.98449626865673,65.26865671641791,11.476119402985075,34.660447761194035,11.20814326018867,4.167540298507463,558,24,98,16,8,193,90,134,0.042,0.805,0.153,0.9584,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,4,2,1,1,4,5,0,1,7,0,14,1,0,0,2,27,23,13,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,14,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,11,4,17,13,6,14,1,1,1,0,9,6,0,6,5,74,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187700925678686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360841204228495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918683312680701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430864298839335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709179010046444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157887255334167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838427036479965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125357797088396,0.0,0.0,0.1980287600833784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014333843287387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789367263324144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556004649709328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035524771294624,0.0,0.10916498675890783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567364409583724,0.09384187191121808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130103429389495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331659121155792,0.1677191459771486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839620656661523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307879513318633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105175673207884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083054215610532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369491783838713
bpd,brokenandalive,2019/05/31,"what a life I have never been positive about my life. The last 9 months have changed everything, realising some of the borderline things i've done and hurting people I care for. Losing it all and somehow being able to get back up again. Why do I feel like I might actually be beating this?

I am here

Much Love. xx",2.5006989247311817,4.760478532258071,3.856129032258069,85.82086021505377,78.19354838709677,7.359139784946238,24.849462365591396,8.344100000000001,1.658862365591398,247,9,50,5,6,81,53,62,0.165,0.69,0.145,-0.0834,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,2,8,13,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,6,3,5,8,3,6,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,3,6,37,10,0,0.2335009818720262,0.0,0.2278632753855204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795478419041449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23806981304319866,0.0,0.24701307769530703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389525742644073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985562627635013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806511235399104,0.16681314810507775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199462563051353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24996763047617995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903344651866008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298572978812745,0.11407678515249965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26122787147677945,0.0,0.0,0.2107437526265001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477076419120309,0.0,0.0,0.1863782560009406,0.0,0.1716500886432581,0.0,0.18009035209863128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188018031457874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512767685093173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210698317385088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trashcan_borderline,2019/05/31,"How to explain my symptoms to my friend without pulling the guilt/victim card. Long story short my friend and I are in an argument that started because of my symptoms. She stepped on a hidden mine and I didn't handle it well.

​

She's the kind of person who can be very blunt, and usually I just brush off any bluntness but this is a special occasion because it deals with some Deep Childhood Trauma^(tm). So now she's saying we're not as close friends as she thought we were because I should know that she's not targeting me or anything, but... My brain literally cannot.

​

I don't want to lose her friendship and I don't want to make her angrier at me. I don't want to make her feel guilty by airing out all my dirty laundry for her to see because that's the only way I can figure out how to make her know how fucked up I am and why.",4.777711598746084,5.172294827586207,5.091734587251832,86.73126959247652,69.11494252873564,7.7065830721003135,31.91013584117033,7.348242739294969,1.8743402298850576,676,28,141,6,11,214,106,174,0.13699999999999998,0.762,0.10099999999999999,-0.885,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,7,8,1,0,6,0,13,4,1,6,1,35,27,14,0,4,7,0,1,0,3,1,2,1,0,1,7,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,2,1,0,3,4,29,6,22,22,2,19,0,1,1,1,19,11,1,2,5,96,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870524310684053,0.3219199425003522,0.09008102069437568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900774499444947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32299873581667626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787520561803713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365660203576079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697849103614636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30702733968004475,0.12246213629431026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794233936453065,0.14559904926277964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722771870639973,0.0,0.14819490956515075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652650677727748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074591282319363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566368589204935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534181017500234,0.0,0.0,0.10555778078501776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375969843366323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753645605343788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051627383819438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589193367137324,0.10929783549713376,0.2343945912351643,0.10514487607262084,0.0,0.0,0.11910231133476265,0.0,0.11952942813450168,0.0,0.0,0.12769192743807098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219199425003522,0.0
bpd,butterflymornings,2019/05/31,"I feel frozen I feel frozen, like I can’t talk and my brain is a jumbled mess. I’m filled with shame, guilt, and self-hatred for hurting my ex repeatedly so much, and now, he’s moved on and blocked me. He was definitely my FP and we were together for 8 years. I feel unlovable. I have very bad social anxiety, too, so it’s *so hard* to talk to anyone, even to write this. I think I’m hopeless. I’m suicidal. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to AA, I have a sponsor (drinking was a huge problem for me and it made my anger so insanely volatile), I’m going to an outpatient program, I take meds. I just needed to get this out. I have a lot of shame and guilt over how I treated my ex, and over who I am.",-1.1969607843137275,0.8149802026143789,1.5843496732026168,97.32907352941179,93.3790849673203,4.890065359477124,19.41470588235294,6.508806274219699,0.01545254901960824,533,18,131,7,20,184,88,153,0.262,0.69,0.048,-0.9856,0,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,0,0,9,13,1,4,5,0,11,2,1,2,0,24,27,13,1,2,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,11,1,1,5,1,0,4,2,11,1,0,4,4,21,2,16,23,2,12,0,2,0,0,10,5,0,1,4,78,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381609774355529,0.0,0.0,0.14059108073125934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788297546285585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244578424675409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969696163637036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280319658011053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30499732920481937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504947722713297,0.0,0.2285426034387791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011699871833226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152469321456724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050144723809756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823143095104236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709404100265884,0.0,0.19025494320690806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233406804527358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370294679385335,0.14780775779892355,0.14908901379702544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239445598642585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209757268133132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049630093333802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199352255656833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151177747248745,0.3232209026491497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883594411992744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590175641362867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948088665720506
bpd,hotpeppershaman,2019/05/31,"I have no idea what to do with my (hopefully) soon-to-be-ex CW: suicide threats 

I posted this in another subreddit and they directed me here. It’s basically just copy and pasted. I will add though that my gf absolutely refuses to see a psychologist. 

My current relationship is not beneficial to me or my partner. I thought I really loved her, and maybe I do, but I also feel like I’m a worse person because I’m possibly being manipulated. 

Anyways, it’s time to end this relationship, but even after small fights she has told me that she wants to kill herself because of them, and that she has no reason to live besides me. I don’t think it’s just her trying to manipulate me, I think she’s very much estranged from logical thinking whenever she becomes too stressed. 

What the fuck so I do? I want this to be as amicable as possible. I wish no harm into her. 

I’m not in a country with great mental health services so I can’t exactly dial 911 every time she threatens this action.",2.562159803654211,4.89725923834197,4.879350968093807,78.17240523588767,78.37823834196891,8.208235614944098,28.810744477774747,8.99025400887824,2.7741772020725377,775,36,146,20,19,270,119,193,0.225,0.695,0.08,-0.9839,1,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,2,0,10,10,4,1,4,0,12,3,0,3,1,31,28,13,2,4,7,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,12,8,0,1,8,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,2,34,4,18,23,1,12,0,0,1,2,21,4,1,2,7,103,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593556342160945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201775888214758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674946934032826,0.16011226591411526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840383154212873,0.0,0.0,0.09575388373209782,0.0,0.12214675074773113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330315221155483,0.10356937237964524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402602056366786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983421996665112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410046042362952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399177914539796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636578698332826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603921240356587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082691727566755,0.0,0.12801459646075594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084459133106807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564575325274254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460995778138988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657248635158133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839397732741532,0.0,0.12658560444006944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268725451225784,0.13884490730453894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287398297123324,0.14905729910110607,0.0,0.31129539496153125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552541647769085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606709540135287,0.0,0.0,0.1585778999280743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786802350724934,0.1424361058965513,0.1150930709148904,0.16907087633376774,0.0,0.0,0.13852875979471246,0.0,0.09842775154931464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196186379820963,0.1710187069816574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671281301989202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477407742355515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Parasite08,2019/05/31,"Ghosting, casual sex and BPD I met a guy on Tinder last year. We had met intermittently for 2 months. He had ghosted me before Christmas. After going through emotional turmoil for months, I ended up messaging him 2 months ago. He made up an excuse about his sister trying to kill herself and him not feeling like interacting with anyone but her. Which I know isn't true, because he was active on Tinder. Since I have no self-esteem, I met him again. 

When we were intimate he would look directly at me and complement me, he would keep his glasses on when I would go down on him and he would make me feel like he was attracted to me. I feel ugly all the time and he made me feel better, was he manipulating me? 

I had sent him a sexy picture, to which he immediately replied with a video message, calling me cute and sexy and that he misses me, but he was out of the city.

The following week I uploaded a bunch of pictures on Instagram on different days. He was online on the messenger app at the time, but it's been a week and he hasn't liked my pictures. He's selective about the stuff he likes on Instagram, but I noticed he liked the crappy selfies of another girl. This has made me irrationally upset. 

He hasn't messaged me in over 10 days after the video message nor has he liked any of my pictures. I think he thinks I'm ugly. 

What's wrong with me? He always complements me in person, but he doesn't interact with me through liking my pictures. He was so into me initially. I hate feeling dependant on the opinion of someone that obviously doesn't care about me.",4.471168831168832,5.6815845584415605,5.692727272727275,79.18409090909094,70.29870129870129,8.846753246753249,29.90909090909091,9.218907990703514,2.5836246753246748,1236,49,237,25,22,413,155,308,0.188,0.71,0.102,-0.982,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,0,0,1,7,19,2,2,15,0,23,1,0,6,3,45,48,17,3,4,6,1,5,7,0,4,0,0,0,3,8,16,0,1,8,3,0,4,8,6,0,0,18,6,42,13,40,26,2,41,0,1,1,1,50,19,0,2,25,150,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117703702184254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497251013985096,0.0,0.0,0.07761820405835894,0.11968433891207893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798084062409956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957786888391702,0.0,0.09712359454828774,0.0,0.0,0.10094637105089446,0.0,0.0,0.14375364902174592,0.0,0.11654833524461387,0.0,0.11637197272741577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472199889104846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192506084864176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283906319685756,0.101092976273987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28855968464227016,0.1630813657028918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297352637432383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301522011382766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268829840412033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145168703167047,0.1262775183180676,0.0,0.06272762358412687,0.0930382433146333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903366937887405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584772942075218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240022848783414,0.07618844310463123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733131728933965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994762305377294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966147701822774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907151705569285,0.0,0.0,0.09441668058165993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670931781505797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066146041441806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627089162818008,0.0,0.0,0.13311034323943835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749265915645273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311029964075384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243233223990381,0.1247927089759973,0.0,0.07350155606624421
bpd,LaStellaNova,2019/05/31,"I want to die.. Last night, I (24F) said some things that really hurt my bf (24M) during another extreme episode of rage...

I'm going through some fucked up things with his little brother (21M) that lives with us, involving intense psychological manipulation, violence, & behaving in a sexually predatory manner towards me. I've had a lot of sexual trauma my whole life & of course, that was the tipping point. He's also extremely disrespectful to my bf & uses him a lot. 

I've not said much to his brother for about 3 weeks now because I am trying to keep myself neutral & keep my fear/anxiety in check until we move out. 

I felt that my bf kept changing his position on the matter & I was equally as angry that I felt he was being passive about things. I tried my best to convey that I just needed him to be proactive about keeping him in his place about exposing himself & manipulating him to do things for him, while simultaneously disrespecting him & degrading his character. 


My therapist & I have been recently discussing possible Borderline Personality Disorder & from what I have learned recently, it fits me so perfectly... every experience I hear or read about is so closely mirroring my life that it scares me.

If this is the case, I ""disassociated"" from my body & my anger flowed out, hurting my bf.

Multiple times a day I float away from myself, which makes it incredibly hard to think, communicate clearly, & calm down after being upset. I lose my temper about *everything*. It's completely humiliating once I come to & I usually don't apologize for my words or actions because I feel so concrete in my beliefs when I'm that upset...

I feel like I should just kill myself... that no matter how hard I try or how nice I feel I am, I still seem to destroy relationships regularly & within a year of it developing.  I'm extremely isolated, no friends in a new state & I'm terrified of connecting to anyone again. I also have installed a lock on my door since his little brother tried to hit me, so when I'm not struggling through school during the day, I'm locked in my room until I'm sure he's asleep or away from home. (He consistently gets angry that he ""can't just come in the room whenever"", which really disturbs me).

I just need someone out there to know what's happening to me... I feel trapped in my head & that I'm going insane. I feel my mental health slipping further & further away from me every year & I'm terrified. 
I just want to die... I hate myself. I hate my existence. And even more than that, I hate seeing how much I can hurt my bf & not even realize it.

TL;DR 
I feel like killing myself because my rage pulled me out of my body again & I hurt my bf really badly... and I'm really hoping BPD is my answer so I can get some intensive help.

Thanks for reading...",5.46787002870029,6.4151476586715885,6.7189360393603925,73.70674764247643,67.80073800738008,10.155063550635509,31.84522345223452,10.25414643259724,3.3395213612136123,2229,91,411,56,36,755,255,542,0.20199999999999999,0.722,0.076,-0.9975,1,1,0,0,1,4,118.0,2,0,0,3,30,34,11,5,12,0,22,8,4,7,3,68,71,23,4,7,13,3,10,2,7,1,3,3,4,1,27,12,0,4,15,2,1,8,7,24,0,0,10,14,87,10,66,56,11,62,1,5,1,1,39,31,1,12,24,262,114,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448041870501983,0.0,0.8299526244373427,0.0,0.0,0.04227421014755072,0.030841169253400087,0.0,0.0,0.028189463781484337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363293105274155,0.0,0.03366167349822325,0.07372767759476476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230852311899192,0.0,0.0,0.08956263782606556,0.05077583269007987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042648345634832,0.06945629151154056,0.04226992795068042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520001932223883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368203664383213,0.0,0.046204939067285726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325588053791805,0.0,0.06793492349736889,0.0,0.03623288032501591,0.03943619533050124,0.0,0.045366031291248166,0.12230805994732033,0.05760265701879429,0.07741820908741412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031147576620934682,0.03727093597624287,0.042126263176234455,0.0,0.04582433969960345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03565077345975706,0.0,0.07222935602160381,0.11940932751623964,0.04137522951701545,0.04285338302371114,0.045438383773613485,0.0,0.02702256158249833,0.0,0.04043963148305206,0.04004228700563429,0.0,0.0,0.17263387026363308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750253482749222,0.08920602970804258,0.0,0.022156288496524536,0.03286243033460764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056951915993553925,0.039392134274732864,0.0808132404067126,0.035599235198114955,0.0,0.0,0.04510261827487375,0.0,0.06854941966692188,0.0,0.0,0.02691084133393528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04062843907441995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042848888046867234,0.05927291281101516,0.059786713819805215,0.0,0.03893686277556045,0.0,0.03783327014435056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293458330080622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352018506462975,0.04212101039452987,0.0,0.038111082360728604,0.045449553938922735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065261618238716,0.0,0.103308305614734,0.0,0.07961318401773683,0.04328365002003068,0.0,0.0,0.07669835158951224,0.0,0.040362746648139165,0.04080133528634036,0.03212615269080086,0.0367016243552279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033349313975618564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03415910604263216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03219592905759585,0.0,0.0,0.04214640758066162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037996785663868826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03711700209211112,0.0,0.04680928458660933,0.1071350365996069,0.025832479284118116,0.0,0.0,0.023508232881874216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948603594590382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048494460096734984,0.03481955983549045,0.04440171536978699,0.0,0.04755813275546197,0.0,0.03233858062616151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045010702313046866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051923589260897005
bpd,muffincake_,2019/05/31,DAE get mixed feelings about their birthday? Today was my birthday and I spent it with family. I felt dissociated all day and couldnt decide if I was happy to know people cared and came to celebrate or upset that i felt people werent being genuine with me and didnt tell me the right things to make me feel good. I just have a lot of confusing feelings right now and wanted to know if anyone could relate,5.509999999999998,5.892224691358027,6.169975308641978,79.6808888888889,67.51851851851852,8.455308641975309,26.076543209876537,8.238735603445708,1.5672202469135796,324,8,62,4,5,106,56,81,0.054000000000000006,0.789,0.157,0.8625,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,27,20,8,0,5,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,8,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,7,5,10,3,8,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,5,3,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726269604720485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408805667848917,0.21472989194173464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815413349643912,0.0,0.0,0.13582536915679616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985434030676896,0.0,0.31947068585206584,0.0,0.4044352982991896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003449973037614,0.0,0.0,0.17664882054268805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419717596820385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314903755310857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790522237470289,0.0,0.0,0.1405831298691413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920194978281483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359717837146618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840815318972029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991924831447902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963268762367975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422263337162773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,paradoxumvitae,2019/05/31,"Physical hypersensitivity// pms I might ask two different questions.
1) Physical Hypersensitivity.
I really wanna know if I'm not alone in this type of situation. I put a lot of hand lotion - sometimes even vaseline - on my hands and feet and lips, because I can't bear the dry sensation and I can't bear fabric textures on my skin, it's distracting me completely from what I do. 
I am scared to buy some gloves because I feel I might get ""obsess"" with it? And won't ever be able to live without it?

_____________

2) pms
I have 10 days of pms every menstrual cycle. And it's usually when I have crisis and difficulty to cope with them. I feel anxious and my self-esteem is at my lowest and I can't tell you how bad it gets. I wanna know if I'm not alone and if others has the same difficulties than me.

(Sorry for my poor english and also it's the first time ever I write a post on reddit so, if I did something wrong, I'm all ears!) 

Thank you ❤️",-0.4203125000000014,1.8093700937500048,2.7007916666666683,87.09837500000002,98.0625,5.4766666666666675,18.379166666666666,7.0316486544052195,0.5709654166666667,726,23,152,14,30,257,119,192,0.154,0.797,0.049,-0.9616,2,2,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,1,1,7,6,0,3,5,0,14,9,6,1,3,36,25,18,0,6,7,0,5,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,9,12,0,0,5,0,2,1,7,5,0,2,1,6,26,1,19,20,4,14,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,9,7,102,35,1,0.15187354146660506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31459037259156586,0.0,0.1214532162404448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157387277237673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198125985018262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680806336255013,0.18516140247758972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923651871269073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794587006135504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586755261970592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031104178520964,0.2747566263617702,0.1279600089377472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358365170970098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291835567868596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869531413408078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693145310761345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410711956727764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911745390566942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222276542386457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145452871000578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267485692756266,0.17013312433539365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729407960779453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205190956159528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843722613831462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707122238604082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691967209090134,0.15020681590687218,0.17000999560188731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274416933912278,0.13982475212864165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855868336384515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483583819241877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672672493931431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640067435384144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604987608577446,0.0,0.0
bpd,bhadbhish,2019/05/31,"Childhood emotional neglect caused this goddamn disorder My parents’ emotional neglect combined with the hypersensitivity I was born with caused this crap. I’ll admit I was a very difficult child, as I had the hardest time calming myself down when I got upset. For whatever reason, my parents were uncomfortable with anger and anxiety, specifically my dad. God, every time I would get nervous or frustrated, my fucking dad would say things like:
“You’re insane”
“Look at you, you’re just freaking out! Do you think your friends act like this?”
“You’re so difficult to deal with”
“You’re impossible”
“You’re so obnoxious” 
“You’re a miserable human being”
“You can’t handle anything” 
“You’re just a violent thug, you belong in jail”
“You’re a monster” 
“Stop it! Are we gonna go through one of your crazy meltdowns again?” 

They would also walk out of the room when I started getting upset as a child, because that’s what my therapist at the time told them to do (thanks a lot therapist). This only made things worse! What I really needed in those was to be heard and understood instead of being criticized, mocked, or ignored. 

So I basically grew up thinking that feeling certain emotions was wrong, and then I started to get angry at myself whenever I felt these intense emotions. As I grew up, my anger turned into rage, and my sadness turned into depression. No wonder I want to self destruct and kill myself, and it just gets worse with age. I was never taught how to cope with strong negative emotions! I was just expected to KNOW! As a fucking child!! That is so fucked up!  

My parents and I would fight constantly throughout my childhood and teen years, and it would get violent sometimes. I was usually the one getting violent and I hate that, but I just didn’t know how to control myself. So maybe this whole mess is my fault? Not theirs? I don’t know anymore. 

I have so much resentment for my dad now. He is sorry but it’s too late, because the damaged child that was crying on the floor begging for someone to understand her still lives in me today.",4.2615238536359445,6.636965960629926,4.854309865678558,80.21850972672536,73.12073490813648,7.736946117029487,30.62845453141887,8.583994105835817,2.6718256291492977,1625,74,282,31,34,519,201,381,0.263,0.687,0.05,-0.9973,3,0,0,0,1,1,45.0,1,6,3,2,21,40,17,4,14,0,28,4,1,7,2,64,64,30,1,8,10,6,2,2,1,6,0,2,1,6,20,21,0,5,12,0,0,5,7,33,0,2,18,5,47,7,41,37,3,44,0,6,1,3,31,17,4,4,24,195,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590129665974105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304155851095226,0.0,0.08172615681711784,0.0,0.0,0.06781440102194787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046976846172538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693105304546638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905329748492878,0.09242708677989432,0.0,0.0,0.09052083606166086,0.0,0.08495857675960443,0.07097751142977067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444620422048854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634870711568707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943192424723484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166773884921157,0.0,0.07912418167251059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366787711223193,0.2285533863971681,0.2583272958673166,0.0,0.04683411592898383,0.0,0.0659088545067261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136040547531645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091171756413699,0.0,0.13586712094113,0.0,0.0929593180891595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805203433549486,0.0,0.07276738603027184,0.0,0.06920159626153059,0.0,0.0,0.07005996133476126,0.0,0.07797602663261377,0.0,0.0,0.08278947122925183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057903917955761,0.061104162207360035,0.06355779121277963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116829919484313,0.06267466347333514,0.0,0.0,0.2745115322274009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052792393663549216,0.08472869754071342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553380000613045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596905841519041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982365890784155,0.0,0.08150318486253076,0.09224851759463144,0.11665699147525875,0.0,0.06581078456599483,0.06889641085889489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586981024991442,0.0,0.19136305947915527,0.10949584341103634,0.10560687507612296,0.0,0.0,0.1441575343530514,0.0,0.07811273204754911,0.07874395591573709,0.0,0.0,0.17927152461320162,0.0,0.08578917713094969,0.0,0.0,0.09076028585273176,0.0679948681408915,0.0486061145111183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200509877472213,0.0,0.0,0.08936748449914636,0.0,0.0,0.16796068961566174,0.29269983429045543,0.09009973126259456,0.0,0.05306776736632026
bpd,dumberchemistry,2019/05/31,"Male with bpd and feel like it’s worse than what females with it experience Correct me if I’m wrong but as a male with bpd, I still have the same intense attraction and neediness that girls with it have, but it’s intensely unattractive to almost all girls so I’m alone. I will be forever. It hurts a lot. I haven’t been in a relationship for like 7 years. It makes me suicidal when somebody I like treats me like I’m not good enough for them, which is pretty much all the time. Idk if I’m just hoping to be told I’m wrong or what. I’m just tired of feeling like I am disgusting. The pain feels like it’ll never go away.",0.4823155216285002,2.714906595419848,2.138137404580153,95.28822391857507,86.09923664122137,5.936081424936387,19.42035623409669,7.3011,0.33231256997455505,488,14,113,8,15,159,80,131,0.262,0.537,0.2,-0.9226,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,15,1,0,6,0,10,2,0,1,4,26,23,10,1,3,8,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,4,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,3,9,10,13,17,6,8,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,6,11,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725805434271422,0.1523084717989888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381664978561853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704305915648922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519509575292641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385163562468042,0.0,0.0,0.2230719054672036,0.31517631299255405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835768532177664,0.12334586784353226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606247970017264,0.0,0.0,0.15742938938150644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310727415774264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502405540859274,0.0,0.0,0.09816283009757684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810507180834618,0.0,0.11342074215921212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564808346432188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961157547678844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788601813653982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744127486378575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085835890500305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575111575451565,0.1690223526313545,0.0,0.14052089838388498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986538791133278,0.0,0.3215712249639747,0.0,0.0947009870004768
bpd,1on31y,2019/05/31,"Why am I this way Not too long ago, I (f19) was diagnosed with BPD. The more research I did, the more it made sense as to why I have acted the ways I have been through out my life. ( suicidal, highly unstable relationships, impulsive acts such as drugs, sex and spending, splitting and etc.) 

Almost a year ago, I got out of a very very unstable relationship. I spiraled out of control for some time, which is how I had been diagnosed, and why I engaged in such toxic things. But for a couple months I have been the most stable I have been in a long long time outside of a codependent relationship. I have regained better self awareness and control. 

For the past month and a half, I have been seeing this guy (20). I knew and had a crush on him in high school. We were close, and always never thought the timing was right until about here lately. We have been watching movies and having game nights, and we have talked about how we feel towards each other. But I’m talking about how we feel towards each other, we never established exactly what we were to each other or exactly what we have been looking for in each other. Like as friends or “talking” or a relationship. 

And yesterday, and old fwb (m19) regained contact with me. I was involved with him for about two months while I was spiraling out of control a few months ago. We were best friends, and we had started to get involved sexually as well. He wanted to kick it up into a relationship but even though I had feelings for him.. I didn’t feel as though I was mentally stable enough. He understood, but grew impatient. I ended up trying to push myself to be ready, but gave up because I didn’t want to cheat myself out of a mental recovery. He got upset and this started problems between us, and we started to fight. I but and end to it for sometime and then later on we just decided to be distant acquaintances. I ran into him in public a few times.. and he has never been the shy kind of guy. He would come up and talk to me and ask me how I was and every time I would be face to face with him.. everything hit me. My face would get red.. my heart pumps out of my chest and I get crazy nervous and wicked dumb.    Well he has regained contact with me so we could start “hanging out” again. He specifically asked to hang out tomorrow. And as much as I would love to be on a platonic level.. I don’t know if I can handle myself. I miss him. And I miss being friends, because we did a lot for each other. I’m just worried I wouldn’t be able to control myself around him. 

I already know it’s a terrible idea to be involved with my old fwb again. ESPECIALLY if I want to have a somewhat stable relationship with this current guy. But I feel las if I’m not in control. I feel like I can’t stop myself from making this decision. 

I have no clue why I am the way I am. I mean obviously I do, but I have no clue why I’m losing my sense of self control as I am. I am aware of the things that can happen but ultimately I know I will go see him my old fwb. I tell myself I will control myself, and strictly be platonic. And that I WILL turn him down if he tries to escalate things. I just don’t know how long this will last when I’m face to face with him.",3.3779295466254484,4.560248151468317,4.640290765069555,85.80186839902116,72.89489953632149,7.617323544564657,26.77128413189077,8.07648339933343,1.5512359866048429,2482,86,520,36,48,821,252,647,0.096,0.8140000000000001,0.09,-0.7549,1,0,1,0,2,0,79.0,15,0,0,10,27,22,3,2,25,0,70,13,7,14,6,140,118,62,1,14,21,0,6,2,3,9,4,0,0,5,23,66,0,8,17,1,1,9,13,10,2,2,33,11,95,12,87,66,17,88,0,3,5,2,64,32,1,12,46,391,118,2,0.05469282690808877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544567323303514,0.0,0.054766965785972434,0.0,0.06035489451637228,0.0,0.04550881333854374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048688211500866496,0.10226082034026857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668047928540974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057396747560767,0.048371360834769436,0.0,0.0,0.0688837008775667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047113027547461266,0.0,0.0,0.429398592020222,0.04366777189027899,0.06051657269960669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110241360734962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342631539004666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688322189897053,0.0565123105102515,0.06099695939838836,0.036124096352457113,0.0,0.04608106555234688,0.0,0.04915438621115288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659260197218335,0.03907256647128216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676662719329868,0.0,0.08572423408887743,0.0,0.03108319392855755,0.0,0.08748569992644255,0.0,0.0,0.16246349229901547,0.04836468620898823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648112632217796,0.0,0.11557194894592684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061741544345460475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695416286581425,0.1202309893107746,0.04458195368445913,0.06169589100418204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03863116110423461,0.053440305171790436,0.0,0.0,0.1936057229230641,0.04592819986235126,0.061187283426835125,0.0,0.046497885603258314,0.049362411635079734,0.05175167523766453,0.03650788665791036,0.0,0.0,0.059576522254534324,0.0,0.0,0.11023501126635624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462117055212442,0.0,0.040205520814764965,0.0,0.12654743945203775,0.0,0.0,0.05132551305953815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217276454881805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221049190613115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233364892342587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523177672812346,0.0,0.04670737534297864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535206074165823,0.08716620388315212,0.0,0.11411309305493428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409260430406264,0.0,0.15484745755192172,0.0,0.0,0.045725652277836704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982507563243414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584009016503935,0.04780394140159745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900645184411166,0.0,0.10747084949309506,0.043419995316973166,0.15945913599084832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426567867828986,0.059490090235394213,0.053426944710628976,0.0,0.06578873662027054,0.0,0.0,0.09025462019075148,0.09677773905802084,0.1302378607742908,0.0,0.0,0.09835083946965753,0.0,0.24675884679756724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055543220578160114,0.0,0.15540886008656699,0.0,0.0,0.035220387354041816
bpd,methRV,2019/05/31,"Do BPDs Hate Their Child's Independence? I've been living abroad for about a year and a half now. During this time, my BPD mother has been a hell of a lot colder and disapproving of me than normal. She tells me often that I'm making a huge mistake with my life and says that she would never live in Asia. Her comments about Asia are woefully ignorant and ill-informed. She thinks that all Asian countries are total shit holes and that the people are not good to be around. Her international travel has consisted of visiting one country a long time ago (somewhere in the Caribbean). Her view of Asia would be almost comical if it weren't so sad. 

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I try to reach her by international phone call (unsuccessfully, usually) once every two weeks and she never calls me any more. The last time I spoke with her was after about two months of not talking to her at all. She acted like everything was normal after not speaking for so long. I felt crazy like I was living in an alternative reality. To her, it's almost like we could go ten years without talking and she could just pick up where we last left off without mentioning the time period of no contact. It's absolutely maddening to me. I just don't get it... 

​

Anyway, I try to love my mother as a son should, but the love isn't being returned. I'm wondering about two things: 1. Does a child's independence somehow threaten a BPD parent? and 2. When do you decide to go NC? I feel emotionally drained at this point. In my early thirties, I feel a greater sense of needing to protect my emotional and mental health from negativity, and want to eliminate all recurrent sources of negativity in my life. The way I feel after talking with my mom is almost like an energy vampire has visited my soul and left me in a weakened, pathetic state. My self-esteem usually drops from being told how awful of a son I am and how I ruined her life somehow. She says she wishes she never had kids. She forgets things that she said five seconds before, causing me to question my version of reality (gaslighting). Honestly, it's so fucking exhausting to me. I'm not a bad person. I started realizing this in my thirties when it occurred to me that the only person ever to tell me that I'm an awful person was my mother.",4.456713995943208,6.217044919540233,5.702694388100068,76.96483265720084,71.06896551724137,8.33603786342123,28.886071670047325,8.925248442259385,2.4801304935767416,1800,70,323,35,34,601,220,435,0.13,0.775,0.094,-0.9620000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,2,1,1,0,21,18,4,0,23,2,29,9,1,7,8,72,54,22,0,12,10,7,4,4,0,3,5,5,0,6,18,18,0,2,9,2,0,6,15,10,0,8,12,10,56,8,54,33,8,55,2,2,1,3,58,17,3,10,33,235,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881510489658595,0.0,0.2332083843052456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822608572002226,0.18866007035886603,0.052791671029143485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910795571672515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481855511293783,0.0,0.0,0.06605817430027157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195546790613424,0.0,0.1585396479568603,0.0,0.0,0.07974831411143185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396390637547852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793531981325865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464861724996167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022158944876232,0.06540737766706467,0.0,0.06976964322262491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775753996411288,0.0,0.07453783384748187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176851197889465,0.04055893881115273,0.0,0.08823885385524607,0.0651131119876878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664443735017866,0.0,0.08251801175140233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655908220969922,0.0,0.0,0.1686923902506913,0.0,0.16449899196828832,0.15170613704858085,0.0,0.2056485090192482,0.13740179926339618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599901126239026,0.14012982823520378,0.0,0.051819225572111834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782336837007503,0.0,0.0,0.09092036658068818,0.061964240160599024,0.0,0.0,0.05756232536916256,0.17962119724937406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212359001587886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267437012842574,0.052604703906428976,0.05904179422364024,0.0,0.0,0.08619992247575405,0.0,0.0,0.053819488310927255,0.2033529108095184,0.0,0.0,0.07338628878754318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696436964533616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738447589339058,0.1234704079839633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098595469458336,0.0,0.07968699866338043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054947547411734535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719031963416186,0.1357056488060863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314903498075892,0.04974274324982135,0.0,0.0,0.1810687978709044,0.0,0.0,0.07417964746648119,0.0,0.1054125644619428,0.0,0.2275023141326331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099892760574886,0.0,0.045788713523720624,0.061619791441510925,0.06227082176118408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892716986442913,0.14966682602895484,0.08418739467708193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029352167370196,0.0,0.18866007035886603,0.09998350296953136
bpd,consumercommand,2019/05/31,"No idea if this is the right place..... My soon to be Ex is BPD/Narcissist.   I love her deeply and want to be her alight in her fight but just can not remain married bc of prior transgressions. How do I get her to see that I still care for her deeply and want to make her life as easy as possible with the courts, kids, financial ?    Everything I say to her she sees as negative.  I need to understand how to communicate with her so that she sees it is my honest intention to give her all the access to the kids that she wants?  It’s all an argument even now.   Help?",1.4904901185770747,3.4568964521739147,2.955098814229249,92.49667984189723,80.13043478260869,7.6600790513834,20.019762845849804,8.575989854853784,0.9527391304347824,432,11,100,10,11,141,73,115,0.08900000000000001,0.74,0.171,0.8944,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,5,0,7,2,0,4,2,20,20,10,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,19,3,17,18,2,7,0,0,3,1,20,3,0,1,4,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604333757286149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108269661594091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365768714276503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584139019463836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803451508892943,0.19836313535209327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860091624138665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334305301796417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605550466247222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866278863134653,0.0,0.13802789399972087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332545897228114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604208823326013,0.0,0.0,0.23311445880012005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765898068342157,0.0,0.1644405160165561,0.0,0.0,0.494332950412026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513553879790646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152662680132912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36589429657766265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ChipsAhoyMcCoy72,2019/05/31,"Too emotionally fragile for hookups but too unstable for a relationship My last relationship ended from actions caused by my BPD. nonetheless, I’m glad we broke up he wasn’t right for me but I was just too tired of being alone to break things off. I’ve really tried my best to be one of those girls whose totally cool with casual relationships, but I’m really not. Every time I hook up with someone new I fantasize and imagine a whole elaborate relationship that frankly isn’t realistic. And then it crushes me when I realize it’s never gonna work out. I’ve done this so many times and it just really takes a toll on me mentally. I can’t keep a relationship bc I’m so damn crazy, and I know I have to stop hooking up for my own good. But yknow it just hurts sometimes, like deep in my soul to know I’m so alone. And I have all these destructive behaviours and I’m totally aware of them and how they’re gonna mess me up but I do it anyways. Idfk.",1.932582745523604,4.09347245360825,3.9632392837764527,84.83420238741184,79.61855670103094,8.414107433532285,24.128052088985356,9.134995656068208,2.0349835051546394,752,27,160,21,19,256,118,194,0.20199999999999999,0.69,0.10800000000000001,-0.9653,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,2,12,11,2,0,4,1,10,1,0,2,4,32,21,18,0,0,9,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,11,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,2,20,6,23,14,6,21,1,2,0,0,10,10,1,0,10,102,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626833830992201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308411024183345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971856300306822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302735380298367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977537598665126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426493684203776,0.11232010463777496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684677910602736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636607889812558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575766375148252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271865289822484,0.0,0.0,0.13938798726338494,0.10337083355912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195521320533115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857011105635824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779930061672526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780724575625344,0.12247834138572727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593286229633416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372206094254945,0.0,0.0,0.6807571650201283,0.0,0.10829898475816348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744960823979843,0.0,0.12542289276667068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602269304860316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534880508221157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842499924984658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789323879933092,0.14575473998317787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609879643391098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158398419733365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232254704971098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kekbun,2019/05/31,"BPD make a friend discord server! BPD make a friend discord server

​

Hi guys! I have BPD, and a lot of my friends that I know have BPD. I'm currently hosting a BPD discord server where people can come and talk to others. It's a brand new server, and I'd like it to build it with people who would just like to talk about everyday problems. This server is not a safespace to ALL your triggers though. Please be aware that there are channels that you can look in instead, or other bpd discord servers that will help you that are more classified as a safespace. We would be happy to have you!

[https://discord.gg/eMMRRM2](https://discord.gg/eMMRRM2)",6.160894538606407,8.202551567796611,5.123333333333335,81.68315442561206,67.22033898305085,6.600376647834276,28.365348399246702,6.937597516519254,1.4020930320150655,527,18,92,4,9,156,71,118,0.10300000000000001,0.7120000000000001,0.184,0.8904,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,4,0,0,6,7,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,3,1,18,19,6,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,6,10,14,3,6,0,0,1,0,14,2,0,2,5,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757747479697303,0.1318593045357567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8200356471437175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347727048534207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515185059318277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744829759546133,0.0,0.11551772637603508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273625594693038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059637775863595324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603126399232783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112644601565636,0.0,0.0,0.09225676327325062,0.0,0.0,0.14487108019249306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480581598333544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046321748211208,0.0,0.0,0.1191184210809496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383553998884586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444274467360196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661681269830513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417387510806996,0.0,0.1318593045357567,0.0
bpd,SplatteredSpark,2019/05/31,"Trying to return to normal after an attempt For the past year, I’d moved to a regional city away from everyone I ever knew for a job but also to distance myself since i figured I was getting close to ending my life anyway. 

I’d made it a full year longer than I’d expected, but 3 weeks ago I finally attempted. This was a lethal attempt using TCAs as I work in healthcare, so I knew exactly what to expect.  After I took each pile of tablets, I freaked out and then was eerily calm. I walked out onto the esplanade as I wanted to die feeling the grass under me, looking out over the sea. However the anxiety got the best of me. This wasn’t rolling a dice - I’d die without intervention. So I messaged a girl I work with who has unfortunately become my FP of late for some company. She figured out I’d done something and called me, and talked me into going to ED.  So fast forward, I’m extubated and discharged from ICU; find out I’m voluntary in the MH unit so leave. Things are alright, I’m a bit shocked over everything so I’m just numb. 

But 3 weeks later and today it hits me again that I can’t do this. I can’t stand my MH therapist, I can barely do my job as a nurse, I can’t stand my mum.  I can barely wake up. I have no I’m not okay with this; with being alive. And I fucked up my best chance of killing myself properly.  I don’t even know why I’m writing this, but I have nowhere else to say this. I don’t know how I can possibly feel okay, or how I can possibly make my life incrementally better beyond just doing exercise and one day at a time.",3.523451178451179,4.1488859691358035,5.267833894500561,83.52570707070709,72.0246913580247,8.360044893378229,27.998877665544327,8.575989854853784,1.8891901234567907,1210,43,259,20,22,415,175,324,0.141,0.7709999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.955,3,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,8,15,12,2,0,17,3,22,6,1,5,2,49,45,24,4,4,9,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,12,18,0,0,9,1,0,5,9,5,0,1,10,4,39,7,45,33,6,46,0,0,1,1,9,20,1,2,21,170,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017730085195103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939621535228448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508298991825748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677636418274165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727067686268987,0.0,0.0,0.2608734347343835,0.10992611585162364,0.13569460147021234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691596209985576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015801552930259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799081030844995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271938025360966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382996273075634,0.0,0.11008576243000336,0.0,0.0,0.08209365070872815,0.11242917087208154,0.0,0.11876627011305535,0.11170557660595527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256914735770013,0.0,0.0,0.13615573922910829,0.11360057666684666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149058909069224,0.0649374059713734,0.0,0.07063797085429648,0.0,0.09940761454205163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466811334531211,0.0,0.13751061047146407,0.0,0.13661519369981698,0.0,0.1402067162274242,0.13160721261213515,0.0,0.0,0.17558213859364422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437392150638704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760803395884507,0.08296583162015828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321026565722588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177970642525215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422343171947955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865071568997936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802409625560787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884193526410773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281557286207496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956860037617984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990114909558237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431251610017168,0.08257403862670942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247562670980354,0.0,0.11781422111374874,0.0,0.13809291285362546,0.08438606499076448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734832488334103,0.0,0.0,0.07331060343667442,0.0,0.1993989858415685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215413878116386,0.0,0.0,0.1198129897769499,0.0,0.18097201768505453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600798618771344
bpd,lipthicc,2019/05/31,"Life without love My mother has severe BPD and abused me severely all throughout my childhood. Just as I’ve always feared, I’ve become “crazy” like her. I promised myself I would never put a family through what I went through as a child and I’ve come to realize that this may mean being celibate my whole life. I’ve only been in one relationship because although I warned them before hand about my instability, they insisted on staying. Long story short it ended because I “ruined their life” with my emotional problems. I see now that the whole two years consisted of me repeating what I’ve experienced from my mother. I’ve successfully cut off almost everyone in my life to protect them from myself and now with the end of my relationship, I’m completely alone and plan to stay that way. I just hope I can stay strong.",6.425129870129869,7.439124629870129,6.736779220779222,74.1923116883117,65.68831168831169,9.796363636363637,32.28311688311688,9.888512548439397,3.2068280519480528,659,26,115,14,10,213,99,154,0.177,0.6940000000000001,0.128,-0.8106,0,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,4,3,5,10,1,1,4,0,6,6,1,0,2,19,13,7,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,4,0,2,2,3,25,6,19,8,3,21,0,1,1,1,11,5,0,3,10,76,32,1,0.0,0.14821498445801715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526276830718236,0.12955882718493686,0.0,0.0,0.10408756189704617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251130508090913,0.13815560932183066,0.10644509810598947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755050401893808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775671372758626,0.13115783829922306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071301087389534,0.22159088792705156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195319116169525,0.0,0.0,0.11792673423923032,0.14076462593732053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242457713754282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534281012936167,0.06111421793165756,0.0,0.0,0.11070354394029593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290149532644896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362631651510785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964795861912798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476638852753368,0.09513901413504837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969729645755875,0.0,0.1257532151490472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26860656005617645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968308308243476,0.0,0.0,0.2826394151715075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999981152565557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221978778740797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992931581101126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596264797256775,0.0,0.27932417687568056,0.0,0.12058537908909983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886261889139142,0.0,0.0,0.0805559182894985
bpd,doctoriter,2019/04/08,"Question: to individuals with a BPD diagnosis, how would you want someone to communicate nicely that they didn’t want to be your FP? Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to look at this post - I realise it’s a little long, but if it’s best not to refer to the context below and just respond honestly to the question posed, I’d really appreciate it. If it has been answered comprehensively elsewhere please point me in the right direction. I hope it isn’t insensitive or sound blunt - I’ve anonymised the identities too just incase. 

Context: 
Now I’ve met a few people with BPD recently who had all presented very differently, and I have spent a while trying to understand them as individuals. I’m interested in the nature of the condition and whether ‘honesty is really the best policy’ for someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. 


Personal backstory (some irrelevant details for the curious)
I’ve had a large amount of recent turbulence with two individuals who have described themselves as having/living with BPD. 

I know another person who accepts their BPD diagnosis and lives a “neurotypical” (NT) life, interacting professionally in the workplace and who behaves fairly rationally. I know it’s not possible to draw commonalities, and I do realise that each individual may require a different approach, but I just feel like I haven’t done these situations justice recently. 

The first person is an older male (late 30s) who alongside BPD also experiences PTSD and severe depression who we can call “Richard” and another girl (maybe 21-23 y/o) who purportedly has GAD, depression and BDP who I’ll refer to as “Mila”. 

I have known Richard two years, through a shared hobby. I wasn’t his FP, but after empathising with him over the loss of his “ex-FP” I became a lot more aware of his condition and interacted with him outside of the hobby to get to know him better. He recently became irate that I had attended a hobby related event that he couldn’t come to. He blocked me on all social media, so I haven’t been able to articulate that my attendance had nothing to do with his absence or presence, but merely my own skill development. I’d like to reach out, but if I’m honest it took a lot of emotional energy always checking in on him so I am not sure I know exactly what advice I might need regarding this particular incident. 

Main story: 
At another of my extracurriculars, I met Mila who quickly took a liking to me (I’m social and have reasonable interpersonal skills, so this isn’t all that unlikely). In the first few weeks of her having obtained my contact details, she incessantly rang me and text me, sending pictures of things she liked, telling me she loved me, created a nickname for me, and although endearing to start with it was super intense. I explained that I had a busier than normal schedule and tried to set some boundaries about the phone calls and the drunk texting.

I met with her in person, and she took a shine to my partner - asking if I could clone him and help her obtain a boyfriend. Building a relationship takes a little more than some polyjuice potion so although I tried helping her meet people, there was no straightforward way for her to get any further than that. She insisted she was going to move in with us and continued her high frequency messaging.

I explained as cordially and candidly as possible I just felt uncomfortable with the mention of moving in/partner cloning/early terms of endearment. She apologised and explained her diagnosis, stating she’d try better - saying she attended 4hrs of dedicated therapy a week and was trying to self improve. I appreciated her honesty and briefly adapting her behaviour, even if it was temporary. 

This might be purely coincidental, but over this short space of time I noticed in her unsolicited selfies (direct to me) she became to increasingly resemble my likeness. Specifically in the way she applies her makeup, her recent hair transformation to colour match my more uncommon hair colour or choosing a similar style of glasses frame... it was just a lot to process. It could be nothing, but we had very different styles to start with so the changes are stark. 

I asked my coworker Lola (who is also diagnosed with BPD) whether it would be insensitive of me just to politely explain to Mila I didn’t have the time to invest in a friendship right now due to other commitments, or whether I should be more direct than I have already? I don’t want to set any more boundaries, because I feel like she should be allowed to express herself in her own way - it’s just not something that I’m personally comfortable with. 

I’m wondering whether anyone has any thoughts on this? She has modulated her behaviour after I set some earlier boundaries, and she is definitely cognisant of her behaviour - occasionally belatedly realising that she’d sent a huge volume of texts and apologising. Her intentions seem honest, but it may just be we aren’t compatible as friends. I do however think she deserves an explanation for me distancing myself whilst I’m working on my own goals and mental health, but I’m wondering if my honesty could help her sustain lasting friendships/relationships in her future. 

Can anyone help? 

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bpd,BicyclingBrightsWay,2019/04/08,"An Apology From A Bad FP I royally screwed things up, and I'm sorry. I was your FP and I ignored your feelings and disregarded you. I heard you when you told me you had BPD, but I didn't actually LISTEN to you. I looked up a few things and joined this subreddit, but it was all surface in nature. 

I didn't actually take time to research and comprehend your disease or listen to you when you tried explaining it to me. I didn't listen to you when you told me how I made you feel, and what I was doing wrong to hurt you and make you feel unwanted. I constantly put up my walls to hide my insecurities and feelings and it ended up hurting you even more.

I'm sorry for being noncommittal. I'm sorry for being so back and forth with you. I'm sorry for taking so much from you without giving in return. I'm sorry that I've sent you spiraling time and time again. I'm sorry for being so selfish with my needs without considering yours. I'm sorry for wasting so much of your time and breaking your heart numerous times.

With everything we have been through you ended up becoming my own FP, and now neither of us are able to be there for each other.",3.6853828600405687,4.8662735474137975,5.347008113590267,81.03409736308319,72.14655172413794,8.389858012170384,27.440162271805267,8.841846274778883,2.062477890466531,901,32,181,17,17,307,112,232,0.209,0.787,0.005,-0.9915,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,23,0,0,13,8,1,1,3,0,15,2,1,3,1,36,41,24,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,9,18,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,13,9,43,0,31,24,8,27,0,2,1,1,35,9,1,1,15,138,52,1,0.09299943915468026,0.0,0.18150807456917672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151082819716016,0.0776506471049894,0.0,0.10271057395149144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712953801561547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049935507016876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473979879014364,0.0,0.0,0.06142525246306638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358189927377281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880932430283866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921353623788571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020478317313744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911564615047214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809610638266405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799831796052505,0.06207784778822915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367305768626114,0.0689579057415807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349012296790668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7287368071020613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984800864262556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356938997722887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711436042638631,0.0,0.0,0.17772989903141276,0.0,0.06314051454251303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186687458415633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792962813047727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168028741910116,0.0,0.0
bpd,oofwhynow,2019/04/08,Stalking How does everyone stop the impulse to “mistakenly” run into your fp? I’m currently waiting for my fp to go to their class and I know I shouldn’t do this but yet I’m still here waiting. Hopefully you the time someone responds to this post I’ll leave the perimeter and move on with my day,3.096,4.861003266666671,4.233333333333333,86.08500000000002,74.66666666666666,7.466666666666668,30.33333333333333,8.238735603445708,2.1832333333333334,236,11,48,4,5,77,45,60,0.078,0.861,0.061,0.2617,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,8,8,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182986880117227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874380230054993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138581120044851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667168840995926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262354186503472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051331714356095,0.0,0.0,0.3477922750061765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491015617740477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145743925854714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783035409284106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623090033160128,0.2746077103263303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915279762833968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lizziesbrokenheart,2019/04/08,"I am no longer my FP's FP My ex and I were still pretty close after we broke up and things were rocky but then my BPD got in the way and I've been so distant and actively distancing myself and.. I just realized I am no longer her FP.  I think about her constantly.  She ignores me.  She puts everyone else before me.  I know it's my fault, because I pulled away and I don't know how to stop.  Everything was my fault.  When I pulled away or caused issues it was my fault.  When she pulled away or caused issues, it was because of something I did.  I always fucked up and I always made her life harder.  I caused so many issues.  I'm so sorry.

First therapy appointment on Monday at 1pm.  Place says they do DBT and other BPD support.  I'm hopeful.  But I think I've lost her forever and that..  why live?  Why live without her?",-0.1980987908412644,2.091495940828409,1.7987290969899656,95.25387959866222,92.55029585798815,5.069307949575507,17.406997684589662,6.7026698264267655,-0.0008221764857210268,630,17,139,9,23,208,95,169,0.18899999999999997,0.736,0.075,-0.9611,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,1,2,9,9,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,5,0,30,23,20,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,11,0,2,5,0,0,4,4,7,0,1,10,1,33,2,13,13,0,24,0,2,0,1,12,10,1,3,9,89,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992604632089605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374887151441832,0.0,0.0,0.1459803301238025,0.0,0.1018868112978858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016074719923831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690066301679145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293924527198999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000243527038729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441320962347565,0.10761130698271776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184767459079484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069432230877801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576409387903463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892520828045736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749209096838367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160792857812162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457332208012358,0.0,0.0,0.2114587740687789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070636574196792,0.0,0.0,0.11329742552266148,0.0,0.12139386130322005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250989968042517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181490969664405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036809895403222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521914806449114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217888880411924,0.0,0.1340350361912682,0.0,0.0,0.09562160044501596,0.10010494654775763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358753863015031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692894657607907,0.0,0.07954750773819375,0.15344443132491767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504113804717268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160868566183781,0.0,0.0,0.11542156457314427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gorrrn,2019/04/08,"I'm not sure if I have BPD or not To start, I know that BPD in males is somewhat rare... but I exhibit a lot of symptoms and behaviors that are prevalent in people with BPD. 

Lets start off with why I'm at risk of having BPD, I grew up in a really chaotic childhood full of abuse, abandonment, people leaving my life, and then I was moved away from my family and everything I knew at age 10, besides my mother, Who had BPD. 

**Symptoms, Behaviors, etc:**
I'm volatile, prone to bouts of rage, screaming, intimidation, I hit my head against the wall, I hit myself - and this could be over the smallest things. These episodes of rage typically last a few hours, at most into the next day. They feel uncontrollable, I can't listen to reason, I get intense headaches that feel like an iron band is wrapped around my head. I've been described as a completely different person, my facial expressions and my expressions in speech are different. I don't even recognize myself when I get like this. Afterwards I feel numb and then depressed. I feel worthless and I feel like dying.

I also read a LOT into facial expressions, tone of voice, I always try to read people's minds and expect the same from them. If I see someone is slightly annoyed with me (say a 1/10 in annoyance), I get super paranoid and defensive. Thoughts like ""I'm a fuck up, they hate me because I suck.""  I read this is a symptom as well. My self image is mostly negative, but sometimes it shifts around. But I see myself in a completely distorted way. I see myself as a disgusting monster, unworthy of love or care. As a hyper-emotional, mean and poisonous influence on people's lives. 

I attach quickly to romantic partners, I fall pretty quickly and put them on a pedestal, thinking they're perfect. If they don't text me back, I fall into an anxious and depressive cycle of ""what did I do to make them not like me anymore? They probably never liked me in the first place and they were just pretending. Who am I kidding, none of my friends like me at all. I'm a worthless piece of shit and they all see that.""

**Significant Symptoms that I *don't* have:**
I have for the most part been able to maintain relationships. My first girlfriend - our relationship lasted 4 years. My second - lasted 1.5 years. Neither of which were on/off. My mom (who had BPD) died when I started my current relationship. And bless her goddamn heart she has stuck with me for almost a year and a half. She has been doing her best to understand why have such a a hard time controlling my emotions, and we thought... maybe I have BPD. I've been describing to her the intensity of my emotional processing, and she suggested this. I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends. I remain loyal despite my impulse control. I also don't have a problem with drugs or alcohol. Only drug I ever use recreationally is marijuana, I rarely drink, as my mom was drunk a lot and just in general a substance abuser. That always freaked me out. I'm also able to hold down a job, I'm not prone to outbursts in my professional life. 

Now, I had never taken out my anger on first two girlfriends, they were there when my mom was still around. We would get into horrible fights, screaming, slamming shit, throwing things. It was awful and chaotic. So I guess I just emptied out my anger. My current girlfriend deserves so much better. Since my mother died, my anger has been directed at her. When we fight, it's bad. I scream, this past weekend I screamed at the top of my lungs in her face, which scared her to the point of slapping me. I normally don't do that unless I'm releasing anger at home, alone, or in fights with my mom. In a previous fight, I threw a set of keys, slammed doors. I was intimidating. 

It scares me to think that I have this inside me that is so unhinged. I had a breakdown yesterday thinking that I could have the same disorder that my mom had that caused my brother and I so much pain. Worried that I'm destined to repeat history and be an abuser. I don't want to be an abuser. But I want to know if I have this disorder so I can treat it appropriately. The therapy I've been doing for the past year hasn't worked and I think that's because I've been doing the wrong type of therapy (EMDR instead of DBT and Regulation).",3.4842723576538432,5.525147528623631,4.514115386594842,83.29427132833541,74.32277710109622,7.5973374963544975,28.372150074625587,8.42427940485282,2.147020812818445,3335,138,635,61,71,1085,354,821,0.263,0.645,0.092,-0.9995,5,1,4,0,8,0,135.0,4,0,10,11,29,59,21,4,41,1,66,25,9,7,8,118,118,56,3,12,20,8,6,7,6,1,12,8,2,5,35,43,3,5,17,8,0,7,18,40,1,6,27,18,121,19,91,82,21,95,1,5,4,2,59,44,4,17,49,453,156,7,0.09694786012737697,0.2297347224390738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180388937460242,0.04853963891409353,0.05020437257356777,0.0,0.11629375307634934,0.080668385957127,0.0,0.0,0.03296393468519818,0.0,0.0,0.05476174341633525,0.04807311328961567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945622447996166,0.0,0.0,0.04554285295903699,0.03727346010184121,0.04047370684576846,0.059098515696144174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087039899801419,0.042871251949188935,0.0,0.0,0.4273585260339439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942240231801755,0.04979607893397951,0.0,0.0,0.10164798683332817,0.0,0.1087352687767239,0.07740497759253435,0.0,0.0,0.03126167474289935,0.0,0.08350104986861873,0.0,0.15092485907859365,0.10128987953292053,0.11111064687467932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748599724450229,0.11242873883923762,0.0,0.0,0.16357994072710033,0.0,0.0,0.054061245525742506,0.03201657363854373,0.04384744492747608,0.0,0.0,0.04356524272418928,0.0,0.04569690719474781,0.0,0.12254937759417014,0.0692595706460965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369570044776433,0.0,0.0,0.03745083812242319,0.04481336724537719,0.10130251108237973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339949896435056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342312008687474,0.04785797034915423,0.09949647394901263,0.0,0.0,0.0574418405183444,0.0,0.0,0.04862330417655407,0.0,0.047737056783096116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810289593809955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328000852042837,0.11853816819350375,0.0,0.0513268928544789,0.0,0.049567877699363334,0.06847714069681059,0.1657733960143407,0.0,0.042803368329804456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236324056880146,0.04374961443106495,0.0,0.032356724723747766,0.0,0.04869857808800798,0.05280232045890047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894485100017592,0.2838604051636805,0.0,0.05152011629985048,0.07126783215737763,0.0,0.11215824956434478,0.0,0.0515525745474794,0.0,0.04749415947255208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368666081323807,0.051579679253949184,0.0,0.0,0.05249254250897383,0.0925477023706111,0.13442287867666133,0.0423255660049692,0.050644939766460256,0.0,0.0458235320690305,0.0,0.0,0.049315413567198624,0.05226309521658652,0.04638300452369908,0.0,0.04872968830332862,0.0,0.0,0.14546114339276026,0.0,0.0310536408447169,0.04983927342712334,0.0,0.15612858007948086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038548414787734867,0.0970617206784467,0.0,0.15450978527951095,0.0,0.050568880827752384,0.0,0.09951558524256722,0.04009813586445485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107180363911457,0.0,0.0479419563081702,0.0,0.10293029157908257,0.0,0.03871134316518974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568610541962798,0.20153189469000551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110868327145445,0.0,0.06440785043667004,0.12424054837320782,0.0,0.07696577176007552,0.028265538437156214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03291061660090723,0.0,0.04735198613470391,0.05046307072126057,0.0,0.04186591190585697,0.0,0.0,0.05718235973557005,0.038476349408833176,0.0,0.0,0.04358388461222647,0.0,0.0874803644899377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035289598408085904,0.049227628960235095,0.0,0.03443448913224701,0.052998632959618285,0.0,0.12486248672316078
bpd,aexoly,2019/04/08,"FP who's also been my lover for almost 4 years loves someone else My FP, who I've been on and off a relationship with for almost 4 years loves someone else. We're currently not together (i broke up yet again) and I know it's my fault that we're not together currently but I was so hopeful that we would get back together, I had my plans to recover of my ED and get better BPD wise next next year (gonna get admitted for 2 years to a psychological facility) and I was seeing my future with her crystal clear and I was so willing to put my all into it but she just talked about her crush and I feel like absolute shit. I KNOW I'm the one at fault here. I'm just completely losing it because I'm SO in love with her, she's my everything, I loved being with her, we had that special connection, being with her felt like finally being home and now I'm crumbling to pieces. I don't want to go on without her. I felt so so so at peace when I was with her. My ED fucked our relationship up but I thought we could overcome all of this. I just love her so much and I'm so lost. I can't believe what's happening. I know I should want her happiness but I can't bring myself to be happy.
When we were together she would often be uncomfortable with physical affection, but she did her best to let me be affectionate. And now she's tweeting about how that girl makes her comfortable with physical affection. That girl even kissed her on the cheek, and she's rambling on and on about how it wasn't awkward. She even compared her to me.
I know I'm in the wrong, I know it and I shouldn't be feeling like this, so possessive, but I just can't seem to be able to stop it.
I'm lost. Without her I'm absolutely nothing. I'm really in need of some support or advices. Sorry for rambling.",1.4117479674796731,3.4297952086720866,3.4692886178861784,88.44588414634147,80.65311653116531,7.243631436314362,23.800135501355015,8.256446698504663,1.4230005420054197,1388,50,304,29,36,471,159,369,0.113,0.637,0.25,0.9968,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,5,0,0,6,30,30,2,1,5,0,30,10,2,5,3,74,73,33,0,9,15,0,4,3,1,6,0,0,1,2,16,25,0,1,12,0,0,3,10,10,0,1,16,5,60,20,44,41,6,35,0,4,1,8,40,14,2,7,21,210,76,0,0.09376434950915044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162543715254136,0.0,0.0,0.18778290360237848,0.0,0.0,0.07498331642634118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209899704464931,0.0,0.05715787717155055,0.0,0.0,0.10564031313685103,0.09839990000919666,0.08292694746180282,0.0,0.0,0.1180929158301143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831013651894177,0.0,0.0,0.07486320340849711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566561648727116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238609370763051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426935137866623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948201448306027,0.13397054004867995,0.18005695948467182,0.10271426172207844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668363022261064,0.14696400791316516,0.0,0.05328844062633257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291550460942211,0.19962778718697025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094053287635437,0.0931291557120146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576521717032314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588040010214667,0.0,0.13742557484980766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489832310899837,0.20470972746213886,0.0,0.4231299311831375,0.0,0.06258843138946424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892758555355467,0.06952507707727641,0.0,0.0,0.1994388988726687,0.0,0.0,0.08996942219252044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353714986783876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425906914380673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006784326894962,0.0,0.0,0.20133564208920385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471804684753812,0.08535954225044505,0.0,0.0,0.09624775734123454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889245812457647,0.0,0.0,0.1049615126751336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839119467929483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640267266517124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536423240502158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443841993079044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060928538204813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807709738764119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321500732137542,0.10251659681407516,0.0,0.24152466759575225
bpd,GhostOfNoah,2019/04/08,"Finally getting help? i met with a psychiatrist today, and it was probably one of the worst doctors i’ve ever had (i’ve had alot) 
i took myself off of effexor in january and realized pretty quick that i cannot function without medication. so i spoke to my partner and they agreed to help me get help. 
i’m on abilify, meeting with therapists, and on the waiting list for DBT
i’m terrified of getting help
i’m terrified of getting better
but i don’t want to feel like this anymore. ",2.836514619883044,5.101274031578953,5.170877192982456,76.79058479532165,77.10526315789474,8.853801169590644,32.66081871345029,9.444778638647367,3.6224152046783615,383,21,69,11,9,134,65,95,0.079,0.735,0.18600000000000005,0.7311,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,14,18,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,2,9,2,15,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516484323711705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404658432741374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142501150287506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780096842088133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950397812965817,0.14058828649584554,0.0,0.21557608186017185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112629147983566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276222766421861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614265983063988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824729618560386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335139241065122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020827234617533,0.21217512424424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284907486118441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653586193948807,0.0,0.2186432188183398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160730552906758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970052263904733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_oursharedaccount,2019/04/08,Is it common for BPD men to have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style? I always thought of anxious attachment but now am unsure,6.02695652173913,8.7248327826087,5.8254347826086965,73.77989130434786,69.0,9.817391304347826,37.58695652173913,10.125756701596842,4.680408695652174,106,6,16,3,2,33,22,23,0.172,0.69,0.138,-0.2023,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067344264148656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5522234276450975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6156471793133074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880656425560481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,trans-oddity,2019/04/08,"FP and Chronic illness I cannot stand having BPD and a chronic illness anymore. I’m self aware of my own actions but I don’t realise the motivation till I’m already doing it. 

I will use all of my ‘allotted’ energy for the day travelling to visit my FP. Which is why I’m an 8/10 pain with 2+ dislocations on a 40 minute bus for coffee right now. I don’t have any mental boundaries stopping me from doing it and it’s fucking me over really fucking badly. ",1.8305200945626483,3.884949617021277,4.4258865248226975,81.9338888888889,79.42553191489361,6.73096926713948,27.465721040189123,7.793537801064563,1.913757919621749,360,16,69,6,9,127,68,94,0.161,0.778,0.061,-0.8522,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,5,0,9,7,0,2,1,10,15,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,9,0,10,14,3,11,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,1,4,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28105148468972285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319469007366353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525793124086529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265152901885867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207671317743949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642509039041186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709047827779789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566628094494759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710030415907249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315788006261994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749979502562689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656922398971785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292825650794392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996626635843014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298138065139597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Veritasvezza,2019/04/08,"Just as I was starting to feel better... I'm currently awaiting a formal diagnosis for BPD (but my GP, a mental health service and myself all feel strongly that I am borderline) so I'm sorry if this isn't allowed without a formal diagnosis. (side note, I was diagnosed with Bipolar years ago but it never felt right and so I never persisted with it). 

I've always really struggled in jobs and either quit impulsively or got fired for absence so recently the only work I've been able to get is temporary admin work through a recruitment agency. At the beginning of the year the agency placed me at a big, well known national company. 

I have been struggling for a while with anxiety and chronic emptiness, anger, depression, disassociation, feeling like I don't know who I am, feeling like I'm wasting my life, crying daily, suicidal thoughts and began self-harming at work (I hadn't self-harmed for 6 years prior to this) as well as anxiety attacks at work or on my way to work. My GP put me on a 4 week course on antidepressants and told me to self-refer to a mental health team. I did this and this mental health team then re-referred me to a specialist team who deal with BPD. 

As the company I'm currently working for (through the agency) is big at promoting supporting mental health and there's posters everywhere about mental health awareness, I confined in my manager that I was struggling and told her about my GP appointments. My manager was good about it and seemed understanding.

4 weeks pass and I go back to my GP to get more antidepressants (during which time my struggles had worsened). My GP ended up signing me off sick from work for 4 weeks while I await an appointment with the specialist mental health team (to a view to getting an official diagnosis and treatment).

2 weeks have passed and, although I'm still waiting for an appointment with the specialist team, I'm doing much better for having a break from work. I'm still struggling with intrusive thoughts and still feel strongly that I am borderline but I'm no longer having anxiety attacks and I'm no longer self-harming. I'm taking care of myself again and my partner has noticed a difference.

Today my recruitment agency called to tell me the company I was an admin for no longer want me back when my sick note runs out. In fairness, I'm only a temporary admin for them and they aren't breaking any laws (as it's the recruitment agency who is technically my employer) but I'm so angry that this company make such a big deal about supporting mental health and regularly send out emails about supporting mentally unwell colleagues, all managers are trained to support mental health etc. and 2 weeks into my sick note they decide to get rid of me!

I'm back to crying and feeling like I want to self-harm. I feel absolutely useless that I've lost yet another job because of how I feel and not being able to control it. I feel so guilty because my partner has been really great at understanding money will be tight while I'm off sick and now I've got to tell him I don't have a job to go back to, I feel pathetic that I'm 35 years old and I can't even keep a job but I also feel really angry that I was just trying to make myself better and finally trying to get a correct diagnosis. I'm not meeting the specialist mental health team for another 6 weeks.

Thank you if you've read this far.

Thank you to this sub for making me feel like I'm not totally alone. ",7.047863597334096,6.943071844175496,7.550973545406227,72.74512736639821,64.29500756429653,10.95835139223944,35.11146093143067,10.58352841356552,3.7492973872510937,2743,114,494,63,37,906,258,661,0.17300000000000001,0.715,0.11199999999999999,-0.9951,8,1,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,2,3,24,30,31,3,5,32,0,35,17,0,6,6,91,101,51,1,4,16,0,15,4,2,1,17,0,0,2,23,34,0,5,21,7,1,7,15,11,2,0,21,16,59,20,79,77,7,76,0,3,1,0,28,26,0,5,44,306,82,28,0.08637585655691113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828349260836987,0.0,0.0,0.04472966889879449,0.0,0.0345373706409122,0.03593581604047555,0.0,0.0,0.029369272206514894,0.09057261684959286,0.09911594076738152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826500645700766,0.0,0.1328354040576592,0.0,0.052653920445377686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145886387975874,0.0,0.0,0.10878736760322624,0.0,0.04409970347215979,0.0,0.044032971204421116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843893390836824,0.0,0.0,0.09487982253000836,0.0,0.08904971535904149,0.03719769934234255,0.043834838103884034,0.0,0.04512219296902116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825168559846024,0.0,0.04816595624374025,0.028525219312867563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620453702756526,0.12341385836593904,0.04146718391888327,0.04731026441979133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281955004744358,0.0,0.049089389813688065,0.036223985202589966,0.06908266307322455,0.047614843393777716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131607338128211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142941923884736,0.03838741501933023,0.0,0.0,0.023734955919939595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030504910961850464,0.08439776100133257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714472544106035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648483245688471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352327379554444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03174809655138193,0.0,0.06661838547933988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916974259268295,0.045318465736732406,0.0,0.0,0.06569273115669595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512219296902116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04341579650567976,0.0,0.04593567783130804,0.04319961554519936,0.0,0.08300187823585567,0.0,0.042642868944485685,0.0,0.0,0.03688225477497002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393166678795575,0.2252721406580082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834534985996457,0.03056863792253778,0.0,0.1034698059338876,0.0,0.0,0.2257469987059716,0.0,0.047240583852224086,0.1960365968411457,0.0,0.0,0.032471947261407716,0.0,0.07549630580072822,0.07952328375528718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857278182938388,0.025183228287286592,0.0,0.04093710617606934,0.0825358324961416,0.0,0.0586435367420084,0.0,0.0,0.08992031288393527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050946718118541776,0.034280567234845745,0.2078565060558105,0.0,0.07766226836801654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163162169561655,0.0,0.25153060921967146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112464393579056
bpd,0pts4gryffinwhor2,2019/04/08,"Am I a bad person for having sex with my brother? I made a post about it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NSFWIAMA/comments/bac3c4/i_f_am_a_rgonewild_girl_who_has_sex_with_my/

I was originally planning to show my face (and not ever mention my incestuous relationship with my brother) but I changed my mind. Does this make me a bad person? Would I never have thought about seducing my brother if it weren't for my BPD? Did I fuck up our lives?",7.100571428571431,10.973028414285713,5.185357142857146,73.47089285714289,72.0,6.357142857142858,25.892857142857146,7.645422480735847,1.624285714285714,359,12,55,5,8,103,49,70,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,7,4,1,3,2,14,11,3,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,15,0,8,5,0,5,0,0,0,3,8,1,1,1,3,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394457618521404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975032427075757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24988307331008824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671244846739215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136690712596408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837602111535664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858127475707589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351138226617326,0.15767466798036306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23850878593830685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218278593092024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125058777668193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22622770027624825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536054172814137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752751725850034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779963631534064,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Damngooddawg92,2019/04/08,"My FP said ""I never want to speak to you again"" without any warning whatsoever I'm totally distraught and idk what to do... I think the emotional shock of this has thrown me into a manic phase, I'm having panic attacks 10-15 times a day that come with delusional thoughts (""what if it's because shes suicidal"" ""what if shes trying to kill me"") and I'm just. I'm losing my mind over this. Idk what to do. I just want an answer, an explanation of some kind, but she totally refuses. I offered her $1,000 to just tell me why she was doing it and even that she ignored and blocked me..... I'm. Idk. Idk what to do. I feel so hopeless and useless. I feel like I have no one now. I looked up to her so much. She has BPD too but shes SO. MUCH. better at handling it than I am. Shes been my role model and my best friend. I'm so fucking sad. Idk what to do.... it's making me psychotic. Not all the time, but when the panic attacks come. So about once or twice every hour. They're coming less often, I guess that's good. I want to admit myself because I know I need to because I've never felt this on edge before, but idk how to self admit bc I've only ever been Baker Acted. God I just want someone to tell me everything is going to be alright. This feels insurmountable. ",-0.13359962406014958,2.0371764812030086,2.4240554511278205,92.48878994360905,88.69924812030075,4.9791353383458645,19.214755639097746,6.4784943948869325,0.11060187969924806,968,29,213,11,32,333,147,266,0.209,0.665,0.126,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,0,1,0,3,18,20,4,3,7,1,19,1,0,2,6,54,48,20,2,7,13,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,17,11,0,3,10,0,0,5,5,13,0,2,6,7,36,7,25,41,8,20,0,4,1,1,22,5,1,6,11,144,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193853610386252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27415356848841915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035199567184569,0.0,0.10252962246392948,0.0,0.12644867988979325,0.10656517977005224,0.0,0.0,0.1517551675322717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113789748808024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770722424524383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553702460114975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958367834595219,0.10899170513359248,0.10151951381635783,0.0,0.10829023440070126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827727793371962,0.08607934526201233,0.11569099577173755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930916433647713,0.11139270069054599,0.0,0.0,0.06847825018069742,0.1010627808029164,0.0,0.0,0.13273527009454156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866012319428125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330629224597276,0.12547363770021705,0.06621912619741886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886619302536565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118274099347403,0.1347994711228988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042919276168951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166234034485301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715063125924266,0.08934312143443306,0.1858613637204484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283198036654763,0.08164834236617385,0.09163942139584623,0.0,0.2827422636804418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461526653790853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256991954087716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020922865390063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179844084404502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106302374489546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720626159817125,0.0,0.09565700709503568,0.14051944125274646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180600320642828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842766734276395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087250820114698,0.0,0.0,0.11614976746382975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,istoleg8rs,2019/04/08,"I messed up again Title says it all folks. I splitted a little too hard this time and I'm afraid to wake up to the results in the morning.

I'm out of town right now and haven't seen my fp in like three days and I kind of just went nuts honestly. I just felt pure hatred towards him and started sending him all these mean messages on snapchat. I felt guilty a short while after and ended up logging onto his snapchat account to make sure all the messages I sent were deleted. However, I guess the crazy was still lingering inside because I ended up snooping through his entire snapchat to see if he was cheating on me with other girls. He wasn't. 

The guilt grew even more now because I basically invaded his privacy for no good reason, so I ended up messaging him and admitting that I snooped and it ended up with me spamming him with messages about how sorry I was, how I think he's going to leave me, how I wanna die, etc. I finally calmed down now, but I can't unsend those texts and undo my actions. I'm scared he's going to hate me and leave me now because I freaking suck. I wish I could turn back time and undo everything, but I guess I'll just have to wait until he wakes up and sees the damage I've done. I hate myself so much right now.",5.8152605042016825,5.217987223529414,6.275140056022412,82.5145588235294,66.9607843137255,8.854341736694678,31.939775910364148,7.957251820313856,2.119095238095238,982,35,202,10,14,319,144,255,0.187,0.758,0.055,-0.9852,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,19,16,4,3,8,0,10,2,2,6,5,45,35,21,1,6,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,15,0,1,6,0,1,7,4,10,0,1,11,7,36,6,33,23,6,47,0,1,3,0,21,20,1,3,21,135,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601154366023874,0.0,0.2283450357645505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969253411596077,0.0,0.0,0.08052597320638334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958754618118554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777767347914834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44236440222760404,0.0,0.13925467667718125,0.08247049373332649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221835033436513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977513329605146,0.13678074908242285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192445535997555,0.10472872835367487,0.0,0.0,0.27510020868695034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185226106440332,0.2465517071457101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002506376585124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644226857811233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061001503121024425,0.12514501251718754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334667830752251,0.0,0.0,0.13601185085178644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917882933332855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283794303927919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326375989810706,0.0,0.09929565968153237,0.12500912991702973,0.0,0.19899846908182645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977332931014988,0.088378309543435,0.0,0.09971534180878212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768141442136212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000683865888941,0.0,0.0,0.14561663823665916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581452850984313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574877453445287,0.0,0.0,0.14358569559318507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Derp4Perd,2019/04/08,"Why do you leave people who are good to you? I'm sorry for the confronting and weird question but it hasn't left my mind since my bpd partner left me and any insight that could ease my mind would be greatly appreciated.

I know I have my faults and am not perfect but I did everything I could to convince him how much I loved him, that I'd never leave him. I would have done anything to make him happy, and to feel safe with me.

I'm not sure how else to phrase what I'm trying to ask, but I'm hoping you know what I mean.

Thank you",2.841052631578947,3.527616394736846,3.837675438596492,92.92914473684212,73.64912280701755,6.401754385964912,23.021929824561404,5.985473137389443,0.17374035087719264,415,10,98,2,8,134,69,114,0.125,0.624,0.251,0.9719,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,1,2,13,1,0,1,0,13,1,0,3,3,30,26,9,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,21,10,8,19,1,3,0,0,0,1,13,2,0,2,1,62,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782754179243008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048294844444894,0.0,0.14823398936417406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970318542866786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531975789907415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226389398607002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245813655378186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250522807428134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017367016629394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299421418601565,0.0,0.17481507474481026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687921105219592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748776225262026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428296713672425,0.0,0.0,0.3357883539811189,0.34455597644900804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310832197427634,0.0,0.1058413117467652,0.0,0.0,0.1727204130936454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32020467320702084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165612543495326,0.0,0.1222927264575574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992686937092896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776256371428022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116405738616246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749708592842176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494427315341189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598251094374046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765313427654707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430774685749421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527567485295305,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,666Karmah,2019/04/08,"How do I help a friend with BPD who’s having a depression wave, he only sees in black and white. He’s either “fuck life this sucks” or he’s like “i’m gonna make it one day just wait.” When he’s depressed nothing anyone says can cheer him up. He’s so set on his negative beliefs when he’s upset. He’s never neutral about things, everything’s either insanely good or insanely shitty.",1.5128164556962034,3.6804208354430408,3.3473259493670935,88.65238132911396,81.15189873417722,6.481645569620253,21.26740506329114,7.645422480735847,0.9120493670886076,302,9,62,5,8,101,60,79,0.25,0.59,0.16,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,2,0,3,2,0,2,1,12,10,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,4,3,4,5,9,2,8,1,2,3,1,13,3,2,2,5,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480403792315567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328753956717949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045101947972666,0.0,0.4552807613407323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753494005968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041967869871455,0.24434020877364884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216814998428876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715407906243885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668223213919746,0.12912316340624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642166523533395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038437174648003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536020624114436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909587339295424,0.20101133392897266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018120922613728,0.0,0.0,0.21061212040845828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755885418762114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway903677,2019/04/08,"Does anyone else find themselves copying accents? Whenever I watch a show or movie where characters have a heavy accent I seem to somewhat copy the accent. Not nearly as heavy as the accents in the show or movie, but subtle hints of it when I talk to people. Anyone else get this?",5.01254716981132,6.705944169811325,4.9397641509434,83.24662735849058,69.56603773584905,6.809433962264151,26.45754716981132,7.1686216300943375,1.3773811320754719,223,7,39,2,4,69,38,53,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,7,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39124516907056334,0.5733174780212692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448297331655058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674260112682958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557058821587789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146168947079463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939581796109651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546932665575759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248695579519603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Cuntankerous,2019/04/08,"I hate how good this is when it’s good. Like, just the ability to get lost in a feeling? I know it’s the same thing that makes me want to jump off a parking garage when I’m feeling lonely and depressed and I shouldn’t indulge it, but it’s almost impossible not to when I actually feel good, especially for the first time in a really long time.",3.497916666666669,4.275629625000004,5.103777777777778,84.119,72.19444444444444,8.537777777777778,26.9,8.841846274778883,1.7726800000000005,271,9,60,5,5,92,49,72,0.11199999999999999,0.679,0.209,0.5994,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,15,12,7,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,3,5,4,7,10,1,11,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.2249364611751111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23081421025869694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853082256449686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496458371742893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960646738072962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042765261441495,0.0,0.0,0.580001804357408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22757276069305216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667773560269155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112611513685225,0.0,0.0,0.20398679841369316,0.0,0.0,0.2516198928124796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386171036186758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766532565097884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313512281489008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688148522676702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595590633104315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,movapage,2019/04/08,"BPD Flare up... I thought I was okay. I hate this stupid disorder. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to go back to splitting the people I've just made friends with. I should've known it was going to come again. I got all excited, and then I just crashed and burned out of nowhere. I don't know what triggered it, but I feel like absolute crap. I don't go back to therapy for another 2 weeks. Idk anymore.",0.09727272727273116,2.2182814545454583,1.653363636363636,98.88254545454548,86.72727272727272,5.792727272727273,22.43636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.5660190909090907,320,12,78,5,10,103,56,88,0.166,0.7090000000000001,0.125,-0.3447,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,1,6,1,1,2,1,18,19,4,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,5,2,11,5,10,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,7,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922743952122994,0.0,0.0,0.20734061370876855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215228456707612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26331552384662377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009473025715872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396115846895929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211423487444418,0.2987183666773139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152645894661286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564567838771491,0.0,0.16721185572015326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641269649563446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148990455275999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428144497991316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978264713065654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494236098985308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390890189773361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597770832069456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466290354331961,0.0,0.1677028193709491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Psylow_,2019/04/08,"I’m a ghost. I dissociate so often that I constantly question who I am & who I’ve been. What is the quality of life here... I’m 19 & I need 2 surgeries already, that keep me from doing the things I enjoy the most. I’m so drained & my body hurts so much, I wish I could just hang onto a breeze and fly away, never to be seen again. ",0.21341698841698786,1.82096285135135,2.724749034749036,94.35635135135138,82.64864864864866,5.850193050193052,20.03088803088803,6.868970318607317,0.11997528957528968,257,7,63,3,7,89,53,74,0.128,0.784,0.08800000000000001,-0.42,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,6,2,1,0,1,10,13,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,9,1,5,9,2,6,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,3,3,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23088522756056665,0.0,0.0,0.6800862993928312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965739768450316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324020475107185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609812888721564,0.0,0.1670493094344652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397992004703854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596898448525775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778195693906135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380460684907624,0.15513784590226026,0.16136738419872426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343801243348144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389999360795858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059867176822786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ReiReiRei1,2019/04/08,"Should I reach out? If so, how would be best? I have known this girl for around two years, from my university class. We have always had ‘chemistry’ when we were around each other, and after a year or so of intermittent talking/hanging out, we started dating.

Before we started dating, she was always very push/pull with me. Sometimes, she’d talk to me and be very engaging and flirty. Other times, she’d ignore my messages and avoid me in person. This was always confusing to me, but, at the time, I didn’t know she had BPD.

She also told me that she had never been involved with a woman before, and that was part of the reason she was hesitant to become involved with me.

Anyway, we started dating roughly September 2018. I remember that we would have a couple of weeks of closeness, and then she’d always appear to panic and give me the same speech about how this wasn’t a serious relationship, that she needs not to feel trapped, etc. As I said, I noticed this would always come after we got quite close – I never asked or pressured her to be in a relationship with me.

What would really happen is that SHE would start acting as if we were in a relationship; she’d stay over often, contact me often. Then she’d pull back and give me that speech.

In December 2018 she broke up with me. I hadn’t responded to a text message because my battery was low, and this made her angry and distant, then she broke up with me, accusing me of lying and being untrustworthy.

We started dating again in January 2019, after roughly a few weeks’ silence. Things weren’t as intense as they were previously, I felt that she was holding back slightly. In the last week of February, she began acting really close towards me – messagingme telling she’d had a nice time, turning up at my place to surprise me, inviting me to places with her family.

A few days later, she perceived my mood to be ‘off’ and had, well an outburst anger, telling me that my mood had ruined the day, etc. I was literally just a bit quieter than normal, but I know that subtle changes in mood can cause big reactions. She broke up with me.

So, this was all about a month ago. After she broke up with me, she said we could be friends. I tried hanging out with her as friends but it wasn’t really working for her. I tried to bring this up with her and she became angry, didn’t want to hear about my feelings. We had another argument, and the next day she said we could start again and forget about all that.

Since that day, she hasn’t spoken to me. I’ve tried a few times to reach out with casual messages, a message asking if she got her grade at uni, and no response at all.

She is usually very vocal in telling me to leave her alone or whatever, but hasn’t done so this time.

I recognise that not everything she does is to do with her BPD, but I think that it explains a lot, with her. This wouldn’t be the first time she has ignored me for a while, either.

I had thought about sending a longer form of contact, telling her that I really do understand her issues around closeness, and that I would really like to still be in her life, or something similar to that, but I also don’t want to do anything that would create more distance.

I wonder if anyone has any ideas on why someone with BPD might go quiet like this, and how, if at all I do, I might reach out with something I described?",6.232587992572725,6.011349978625957,6.428863214359398,80.50126057355065,66.00763358778626,9.218485661233752,30.985145450794306,8.685302888712808,2.2755178460903656,2616,87,514,35,37,839,259,655,0.105,0.818,0.077,-0.976,1,3,2,0,0,0,85.0,12,0,1,4,28,27,1,4,25,0,70,1,0,6,6,133,108,52,0,20,19,0,5,2,2,11,1,7,0,3,33,60,0,4,15,1,0,9,15,14,1,2,37,12,106,10,93,44,18,99,0,6,0,0,87,40,0,17,51,402,139,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524214682785893,0.0,0.0,0.06454382211534422,0.0,0.09967316825092024,0.2592725337777649,0.0,0.0,0.04237914403621952,0.06534703938551738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043574983271260484,0.0,0.051283332388702564,0.16643170895751574,0.11651994438342632,0.0,0.0,0.0958391253634844,0.0,0.03798916198766605,0.06882658068196823,0.10605797577028596,0.0,0.06540008002396755,0.0,0.06803634723488082,0.0,0.23546628029595476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401891102307246,0.06592537417492103,0.053682410636826335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951350546715344,0.06895492977438038,0.0,0.1607627280414037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054535888851166704,0.06377410465640683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900460201686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600841386238727,0.0,0.05874892759345154,0.0,0.06302084716779212,0.0,0.05983613579927029,0.0,0.0,0.05300861841887198,0.0,0.0,0.09629520736673378,0.0,0.0,0.11956437226610153,0.0354173965724444,0.0,0.09968459920284893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055108599055253525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023818644286621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035070997222367,0.0,0.06504497858701598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849792589693884,0.05079840692195277,0.0,0.0659869583526476,0.0,0.0,0.044017843083545685,0.060891956134624524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298149405031801,0.0,0.058967865702396115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222149314038725,0.0,0.0,0.04974253338961848,0.0,0.0,0.04620884374985566,0.09612870669171952,0.0,0.06627709959535248,0.0,0.061059513810718,0.0,0.07095074024670288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311806927116535,0.0,0.06748554264106363,0.0,0.0,0.05441465878600171,0.13022044956497447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628406361334845,0.0,0.0,0.1996161457628151,0.06407444279329333,0.0,0.20072226348421346,0.07059542360648792,0.0,0.17783928491971487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051551026648122826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280279489908524,0.09595261870288824,0.061635211062179465,0.0,0.26465879720837626,0.0664238985963738,0.049768136100868964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050089754458822015,0.21787865870382775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140205950511993,0.039931580869586786,0.0,0.04947442649714477,0.21803270807245395,0.0,0.0,0.05954859740663523,0.0,0.12693179147787706,0.06778531584753511,0.06087673270705676,0.06487641002293706,0.0,0.0,0.06863571508318556,0.15425942149662805,0.0735148726238921,0.0,0.14996593628647195,0.0,0.056032380274946315,0.0,0.0562333198761731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758243593169325,0.04536906738224307,0.0,0.0,0.30988804342677057,0.0,0.0,0.08026295040466534
bpd,Fethington,2019/04/08,"How to forgive? My best friend and I recently got into a huge fight. The short version is she did something that gave me a huge panic attack, and when I got upset we had a misunderstanding that lead to her blowing it off. When I came back with a general 'salt the earth' anger response she became very apologetic and has sent me numerous messages about how sorry she is and she knows she screwed up. 

She's my oldest friend. She's been there as I've gone through so much shit. That means she's important to me but it also means her hurting me just makes me feel really, really bad. 

I want to get back to the point where we can be friends again but I've just swung into so much black/white feelings that there's also times when I never want to talk to her again. The anger is really coming into play too, plus the abandonment issues and wanting to curl in on myself and never let anyone in. Basically the full BPD Bingo card.

Do I just leave it alone for now? Do I try to talk to her? I dont know what to do with this situation.

",3.2877093301435387,4.637680578947371,4.40963815789474,86.7134046052632,73.35406698564593,7.521650717703348,23.110346889952154,8.07648339933343,1.0634519138755976,807,21,170,12,16,264,121,209,0.17800000000000002,0.711,0.11,-0.9491,0,1,1,0,1,0,17.0,2,0,0,2,22,17,6,2,10,0,14,2,1,4,2,39,32,19,0,3,5,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,9,16,0,1,7,1,0,5,3,11,0,0,9,3,30,6,26,21,5,32,0,2,0,1,24,14,2,0,13,124,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663664809784531,0.0,0.2110040460690446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224646852280637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008607752024414,0.0,0.20288753310725527,0.11015358535547604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844931128863805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615751503018128,0.0,0.0,0.15088941203789694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364348144923846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461753297507674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341257203370033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30577956025669284,0.0,0.06892644429480786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102824492967776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412306474033073,0.0,0.0,0.13769757597936114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500732509281147,0.0,0.0,0.13969170885735974,0.0,0.13490435822577665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806233766190434,0.0,0.0,0.2874144903900639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939631391451905,0.0,0.20350056500938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478798083485346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247137152593938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535475604264638,0.0,0.1302620569589608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354212322952001,0.0,0.14829154411472628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156389694697386,0.0,0.14768154378538725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120759486807792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692773021063917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895698145135031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885364186182964,0.23344199610733946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,henriettag8,2019/01/16,"If anyone wants to talk and you feel you have no one to talk to, message me Hey, if you suffer from BPD and wanna speak in private. Feel free to message me if you wanna email or whatever if you wanna just talk :) Lots of love xx",-0.2581249999999997,1.937742770833335,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,90.04166666666666,4.033333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.7103166666666665,175,4,39,1,6,58,30,48,0.095,0.731,0.174,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,15,5,7,0,8,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,7,3,10,5,1,1,0,1,0,1,14,1,0,6,0,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840751379618075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753907890515106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014118902538068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533963440329398,0.2690069554496419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197029309771586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7186977763208412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580100645377794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PicardVSbORG,2019/01/16,"Anyone else experiencing VERY SEVERE forms of anxiety with their BPD? Can you share your story and what you have found successful for yourself? I hope this won't get removed, I truly do.

I know Benzos are short-term solutions. I'm currently on diazepam and Concerta (for ADHD). In the past, I was on a few SSRIs, such as Zoloft and I think they were helping. Over the past 1-2 years, since I've not been on any SSRIs (coincidence or not I don't honestly know), I've struggled with extreme anxiety. Especially in the past year. I'm honestly floored .. *floored* I haven't driven to the ER (well, probably because knowing they'll do nothing besides pop an Ativan).

Don't know what to do. You can see my post history, so I won't repeat here.

The reason I'm writing this is to see others success or thoughts on their personal experience with medication for handling specifically - anxiety and/or panic.

Thanks for your input!",3.2831266149870832,5.989663953488375,4.807596899224805,77.61401808785531,78.06976744186046,8.00826873385013,29.32299741602067,8.841846274778883,2.9160609819121444,728,34,126,18,18,243,110,172,0.099,0.764,0.13699999999999998,0.7702,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,5,4,3,4,10,0,2,7,0,17,2,0,1,0,20,33,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,8,0,0,2,7,2,2,0,6,3,18,8,19,24,2,19,0,0,2,0,13,9,0,3,7,78,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769825250426076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001444650892802,0.0,0.3379693170526837,0.0,0.0,0.10297030509264604,0.15088921293785798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977067359343979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854736586676346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302004674683745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405229898491784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146720593829794,0.0,0.0,0.07693928138000136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870785170317113,0.0,0.0,0.14626622703925551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237294336483734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835283177942013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130363184753025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278239336933499,0.0,0.0,0.4217400124252357,0.0,0.12858510998906802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410380568639508,0.0,0.15877533323488047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141176032116135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347004377002384,0.0,0.0,0.16636622885458596,0.0,0.12181817509261852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395214612029132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135580763762503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436072618494616,0.0,0.11691104409567622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215080955666836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324078831209494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966617702077745
bpd,Zoomybee,2019/01/16,"Nice comment about BPD souls from my coworker Today at work my psychologist coworker told me her mom has BPD too and has been suffering for decades and that she understands that sometimes you fall into a black hole and the days are worse than usual. But what I appreciated a lot was when she said she read that BPD souls are actually very special and the soul that chose the body did it at the wrong time because BPD souls are goo sensitive for the hardships of the current time.

I don’t actually believe that, it’s too spiritual for me but I still appreciate her trying to be really kind to me and hugging me telling me she’s happy I’m around and maybe this could be something that you guys could hold onto if you believe in spiritual stuff. ❤️",5.258424657534249,6.3767141575342485,5.945095890410961,78.443397260274,68.3835616438356,9.401643835616436,31.03835616438357,9.642632912329526,2.800640547945205,601,24,117,13,10,196,93,146,0.04,0.81,0.15,0.9598,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,1,6,7,0,0,8,0,13,2,1,0,0,16,17,10,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,2,19,5,15,8,1,15,4,1,1,1,15,6,0,2,8,80,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.2480578121449235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314379431161238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747750636449094,0.0,0.0,0.2863909031765449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117676160225995,0.6402998215184253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295415454774732,0.0,0.0,0.08196742592693089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584658852173344,0.0,0.13529773950392632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235257344306178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805381923972114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768660428476605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885515203645586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271319764999784,0.0,0.08142196560595323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089890562030305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097845928118344,0.12570275856301233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150029323510283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549632366207424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108888879868703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822324441582646,0.0,0.1204736466903933,0.1214471863334867,0.0,0.08629091533418909,0.0,0.0,0.1323130652918686,0.0,0.0,0.1399800304601455,0.10486881595921166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252855348585996,0.0,0.1295232943991423,0.0,0.1389612539018827,0.0,0.0
bpd,roccsmoker,2019/01/16,"Drugs and sex don't help me escape my loneliness and the feelings of being unloved anymore I feel this eternal loneliness and sense of not being loved by anybody in this world, causing 24/7 emotional pain, and hook ups and drugs used to work, but they don't anymore. What can I do to escape? Thanks in advance",5.7429661016949165,6.9085846101694965,5.362500000000002,82.88747881355934,67.30508474576271,7.933898305084746,33.39406779661017,8.07648339933343,2.499166101694915,248,11,45,3,4,76,42,59,0.226,0.695,0.079,-0.6692,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,0,11,11,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,8,9,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785822567193454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24786744815574954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596309025133915,0.0,0.0,0.2714145594425342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440031596673736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172908992119706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777026462672536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567455861398025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214396479896212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839385290911044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565926657499611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,enlowautumn17,2019/01/16,Creating fake Facebook DAE create or have a fake fb account they use to snoop on exes even though they're happily married or am I just that fucked up.,12.567,6.928352366666669,11.450000000000005,66.40500000000003,58.66666666666666,14.666666666666664,46.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,5.085666666666667,121,5,23,2,1,39,27,30,0.268,0.532,0.2,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811974674252113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5335593462808379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5670400063310833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4984661934825821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Turnstilezzz,2019/01/16,"Trust, Love and Friendship. Non looking for advice I will try to keep this short, but also try to include as much relative details as I can. Thanks for reading if you do..

 I have recently starting ‘trying again’ with my ex who has BPD. Its been about 2 months. Were late 20s, we lived together for 3 years, 3 years ago. We started talking as she was finishing rehab and started hanging out when she left. She is not defined by her illness, but I feel this is a good place to ask for advice. She has abandonned all her old friends and moved to a new city close by in an effort to recover, and has found closeness and friendship in me. I love this girl, and do my best to understand her and be a reliable non-judgemental person. I have done extensive research on boards such as this in an effort to understand. 

This past weekend she came to visit me for my birthday, saturday-monday. I discovered on sunday that she had told me she was staying with her mom friday, and told her mom she was staying with me. Meanwhile, who knows where she stayed. On Monday I told her I cant pursue a romantic relationship because I dont trust her (her parents are very cautious of her since leaving rehab and keep constant tabs on her. She used me as an excuse to them to get to stay in this city somewhere I would assume neither me or her parents would want her to be). I let her know  she will never lose me as a friend, and I will never abandon her. I believe I can be a friend to her. 

Where I am seeking advice is here. We weren’t exclusive, so I feel its not my place to be upset if shes seeing other guys. However, I feel offended I would be used as an excuse to her parents to possibly pursue other ppl. I never wanted to lose her, and want her in my life soooooo bad, but I feel I had to draw my boundaries in this situation. I understand its probably time to let her go, especially since it was me ending the relationship this time. I want to trust her so bad, but it isnt a physical choice I can make. I would appreciate any advice on how this trust can be rebuilt, if possible. Also any advice on how I should attempt to proceed as a close friend, cause at this point I honestly believe she needs close friends that have her back right now more than anything, and I believe I can do that for her. Shes going through so much, and I know she genuinely cares for me. I also know shes at a very lonely stage, newcity and leaving friends, and may be seeking comfort from the extreme loneliness that can come from BPD. I respect her to death for having the strength to pull through what shes been through. I dont want to do or say anything to hurt her. If I trusted her, she would be a dream girl, so Im conflicted. Thanks for reading, and thanks for any advice that may be offered. 

Truths are emotionless. My reactive emotions are subjective. The truth is a plain picture, and trust is pure feeling ",4.681053551711448,5.4343482150349685,5.422484357747519,82.99643908722857,69.47202797202797,8.398675009201325,31.486198012513803,8.532816995589336,2.356572727272728,2257,94,449,34,38,734,241,572,0.087,0.723,0.19,0.996,5,2,0,0,0,0,66.0,3,1,1,7,18,36,1,1,19,0,67,6,0,6,7,88,111,45,1,16,12,6,5,0,6,11,4,1,0,4,25,30,0,5,14,4,0,8,11,10,0,0,16,8,99,26,71,73,6,68,0,6,2,2,80,27,0,9,28,332,124,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443110646607437,0.052055976108651036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088656116076648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980459682327092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966509840364138,0.0,0.054899744029735034,0.0,0.0,0.045155732594370994,0.0980654802874179,0.03579808212341816,0.0,0.0,0.1984881590615945,0.061628035815484074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792361467141796,0.0,0.0,0.06716550629755265,0.059873829184256,0.0603265277344052,0.0,0.05058619995840112,0.0,0.06346062712269777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009584092901904,0.13765001459666787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605747575794216,0.0520127265293903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846507163888426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438869250993863,0.2722237260083637,0.0,0.03068127488751897,0.0,0.066749293996518,0.049255561073178813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814676700691755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286609384621263,0.0,0.06343284192483355,0.0,0.0,0.10439456919780836,0.0,0.0,0.12909441789416415,0.0,0.06624411211538557,0.12436213017542165,0.0638046476118711,0.12010013690960618,0.041479050317353765,0.0,0.0,0.05185505850967515,0.0,0.049314026775838286,0.1313960199744384,0.0,0.0,0.10600281728384084,0.0,0.03919924807793878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375555101638422,0.04687356082996957,0.06241514977441076,0.08633894365283491,0.04354368185122369,0.1358765167425415,0.05671676051952916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162178027498715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562076284162044,0.0,0.05605944939177132,0.0,0.05127621463646671,0.12270979678859158,0.0,0.055513900640968734,0.1324067365844012,0.0,0.0,0.06331524751676472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117481347782368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798363774399121,0.1260968777452748,0.0,0.05015064307323061,0.0,0.046700303790843056,0.0,0.0,0.046796048235341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715549324805714,0.06600911558731444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469710914163548,0.2503712166836011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472007554217946,0.0,0.16219766838912933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848578542570523,0.0,0.0,0.1683421377646499,0.0,0.1196108168133034,0.0,0.0,0.18340370771756007,0.0,0.1014387136410223,0.0,0.09690819082979787,0.17318699003791835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085820016482333,0.0,0.0,0.07563366864967726
bpd,invisiblewar,2019/01/16,"Lost the love of my life Long story short, we've been together for seven years. My mental health has gotten gradually worse. I caused her mental health to take a decline from all the emotional and mental abuse I put her thelrough dealing with me. The screaming, slamming doors, talks about harming myself, punching myself in the head, blaming her for things. It was just too much.

It sucks, I wanted to spend my life with her, I wanted to have a family with her. She wanted the same. She couldn't handle it anymore. She left. And then we figured out it was bpd. Right after she left we figured it out. She was helping me at first, finding me books and therapists. Then we got into it again. She told me to never contact her again. She reached out the next day and said she wanted to be here for me, she wanted to be with me but there's just so much to process and this bpd is bringing up so many bad memories.

I started a job last week, one that I've been trying to get for years. She sent me a text in the morning telling me to have a good day. That was the last time I heard from her. She blocked my phone, all social media, everything. She couldn't handle all the bad memories, all the abuse.

I tried so hard to get better, I haven't had a stable job or health insurance since I was 26. I am about to be 30 in a few months. I was trying to find a therapist. I finally did and it was too late.

I don't know what to do. I understand that she can't be with me anymore. I want to get better. But I want to get better and be with her. She was my best friend. We talked about having kids, and getting old together. I thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with this person who I adored. She was amazing, we complimented each other. I felt my heart skip a beat every time she walked in the room.

That reality is shattered. I don't know how to exist.",1.2623516676814823,3.4173550105540933,2.6775725593667548,93.174448278195,82.00791556728231,5.470292943643867,20.27203842771125,6.67199483983844,0.20123944252756945,1435,40,311,15,39,465,176,379,0.10400000000000001,0.777,0.11900000000000001,0.7989,2,0,0,0,2,1,51.0,5,0,0,7,15,16,1,0,21,0,33,9,2,2,5,57,63,17,0,9,5,0,2,0,1,0,6,3,2,2,17,25,0,1,9,1,2,5,7,6,0,3,23,5,68,10,46,33,11,43,0,1,0,1,46,15,1,1,23,225,85,3,0.0,0.19701930115653452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490900607766526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388401605696762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725237834085622,0.2205969739983458,0.0,0.0,0.20942882605411184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540971576040378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723939760498917,0.08571573041511757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352353666325644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005070386029097,0.0,0.07472265041268071,0.0,0.07837885910269304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798293390053876,0.09107797491602028,0.15198052657477035,0.07072052553933421,0.0,0.0,0.06423528734593549,0.0,0.21719126441743697,0.0,0.047251503124377835,0.0697355480063565,0.06649623640533837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447888314593973,0.0,0.08532765772998249,0.2651281098790261,0.0,0.09852364636843836,0.05572831649793144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650111718544114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138531548789176,0.13554362068800738,0.09378777461691393,0.0,0.18066800863178728,0.0,0.17617691738602434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357803579180902,0.0,0.0,0.0907592923819574,0.0,0.07503888284333833,0.0,0.0,0.08429291786097097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513626812888037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636313505049388,0.0,0.12223784317419832,0.0,0.06412422035729398,0.0,0.08842243873568709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724352180699234,0.0,0.056339157239491275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259636982011125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358065366147414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100279646367287,0.07908706210550875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687759048507767,0.0,0.0,0.0847527780831675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058848321227330025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251242165773273,0.13365274799174756,0.07266975497070419,0.0,0.0,0.19306849341579954,0.05523583700061986,0.0,0.0,0.06600544490685285,0.09696151405547423,0.0,0.0,0.07944572466405159,0.0,0.1693438400908935,0.0,0.0,0.08655373312453657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34327505671677233,0.0,0.06669148114351285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472878042772629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107081418140387
bpd,SephsDilemma91,2019/01/16,"I dont feel safe outside of this subreddit Everywhere I go, people get mad at me and downvote me and just plain say nasty things.  I haven't done anything but state an opinion that I walk on eggshells with.

I don't have anywhere to go irl.

I don't have anywhere to go online.

There's no place for me anywhere.

",1.8602083333333328,3.8423204375000033,2.7668750000000024,94.22395833333336,79.0,5.5166666666666675,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.831747916666667,244,10,53,2,6,77,45,64,0.154,0.846,0.0,-0.7847,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,12,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,2,9,1,7,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27160939930091393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33776366413537,0.3868252160192929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668871117124354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244154780349913,0.0,0.5627382636680824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288204804751117,0.0,0.3448400916593838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624751643505712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927569813079406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Warrior31990,2019/01/16,"What do you look for in a therapist? I am trying to find a qualified therapist who treats borderline. What is on your checklist for a good borderline therapist? Also, What are bad things to look out for in a therapist? ",3.5689024390243915,6.122735097560978,5.1001829268292695,76.75320121951222,76.07317073170732,10.929268292682927,29.76219512195122,10.686352973137794,4.200751219512195,173,8,31,7,4,58,27,41,0.099,0.83,0.071,-0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,9,6,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067721182015634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732053884810976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220995882645498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580354552200705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164460824504984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8750678274683633,0.12517605287992994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279229490199162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,batpop23,2019/01/16,"Advice on how to nagivate living with someone else. I moved in with my boyfriend three months ago and I've been having a hard time dealing with him always being around. There are many days where I feel angry in general and I do not want to be touched. He is generally understanding of this, but the weight of knowing that I am hurting him is terrible. Sometimes I spend entire days angry at myself for moving in with him, and I constantly worry that he's going to leave me because living with me will prove how much of a burden being in a relationship with me is (we've been together for 2 years). 

I've considered some options that might help. For example, right now we live in a one bedroom and I've considered moving into a two bedroom when our lease is up so that I can have my own bedroom for the nights that sleeping in a bed with another person is hard. I feel like a having a room that is mine, that I can go in to be alone would help (like setting up a system where if I have the door shut while I'm in there it means I don't want to be around anyone at the moment). 

I would love advice from others who have had to adjust to sharing a living space with an SO. ",6.639170153417012,5.322776372384936,7.236077405857742,78.65724023709903,65.61087866108787,9.975034867503489,31.21373779637378,8.841846274778883,2.3196273361227338,919,27,188,12,12,305,132,239,0.128,0.79,0.08199999999999999,-0.7347,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,15,0,29,3,1,2,1,37,40,12,0,5,3,0,6,2,0,4,0,0,6,1,11,16,1,0,7,0,1,5,2,3,0,3,3,6,24,4,39,28,3,41,0,1,0,1,15,22,0,4,14,142,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23223430353349345,0.1053336758282263,0.0,0.0,0.12306976513055755,0.0,0.0,0.0988742494357127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460131001819005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308716126507626,0.0,0.0,0.21156387149467498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243632450172617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841063841058795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532682023884954,0.12250624500459473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926537999178656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016581301008955,0.08489060469750846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506515526511748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289273887435395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929554030575244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720761850594395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530465175273915,0.0,0.0,0.1258214837607144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610652257990292,0.0,0.419708500842354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724672964877137,0.0,0.0,0.12047273933988467,0.0,0.12943831073085968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260575185408068,0.0,0.0,0.0948472169856812,0.3788854408984211,0.0873521061548958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151184151766537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052079316956069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375585233370624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757658809095812,0.0,0.10147829269452242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189136169049753,0.0,0.1006824100818555,0.0,0.11752373349751558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928944628582086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607749511307736,0.12370393141218193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017543137214322,0.0,0.0,0.14470024908598922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067539984077175,0.0,0.16882372082974978,0.0,0.0,0.07652120784956917
bpd,jessthemess123,2019/01/16,"The man I'm seeing uses my BPD against me I recently started seeing a man I met on Tinder. After 3 weeks I disclosed that I had BPD and also some of my other traumatic experiences. After a few weeks of dating he has become colder towards me. When I asked him why he wouldn't give me a straight answer. When I started to cry he would tell me my reaction is because of my BPD. I explained to him that any girl would have almost this same reaction to a guy who suddenly changes his attitude towards them. He sighed loudly, swore under his breath and when I cried more he got more upset. After I told him to stop saying this was my BPD he walked out and left. ",3.4933834586466186,4.786641984962408,4.945872180451129,83.29189097744364,72.75939849624059,7.4252631578947375,26.08195488721805,7.908726449838941,1.5417675187969926,516,17,101,7,10,173,81,133,0.127,0.873,0.0,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,8,1,1,1,0,14,20,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,4,24,0,16,12,5,22,0,0,2,0,24,7,0,2,14,71,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471346517553925,0.0,0.0,0.10758447326531173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148576228847548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576841953931372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200891080224935,0.14857903203560838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6777488514223394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231606720020126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29555219580918296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159723176207055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290544911662063,0.0,0.0,0.10759681152006724,0.0,0.0,0.1332069414352792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616843541313335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283323277886458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698453159633976,0.0,0.0,0.21440774019116074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904436121398615,0.0,0.0,0.11247402475849608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758611240988386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855023268755802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619167739491168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158254696657266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139339413005995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911340692403694,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,togepitothemax,2019/01/16,"Is anyone else ever purposefully ignorant of someone's true intentions/motives/feelings, so that you don't have to deal with any of them? - [bonus rant on bpd self awareness that I think is worth reading] It just occurred to me that I did this and how manipulative it might be. is it? thoughts?
     
Example:
       
I will tell someone, repeatedly, bluntly, to their face, ""I only want to be a friend"". I will make it very very clear that I will never date them. Then maybe we stay friends, and sometimes I see them holding on to this hope that we will get together. and I purposely ignore it. I pretend to be ignorant and not know their true feelings.
       
is it because I'm manipulative and like the attention? or is it because I really enjoy the friendship and don't want to lose it? I feel like it's the latter but I'm always worried that I'm subconsciously being manipulative and unfair to others.
   
      
__________
            
incoming rant: it is my belief that self-awareness is something that must be learned to overcome this disease, especially recognizing your own destructive behaviors - a lot of people think that us with borderline do bad things intentionally, that we purposely manipulate and try to control others, but we really aren't as aware of it as they think, sometimes not at all. most of the time it's a subconscious defense mechanism we've developed out of necessity, and unfortunately, our necessity is often love and attention from others. but if we can become aware of it, notice when we are being manipulative, and be completely non-judgmental about it, [because it really IS a subconscious defense mechanism! it's subconscious even in the chemicals that flow without your control!] if we can do that, we can begin to correct it. I've already started to see this in myself just keep pointing out every time you catch yourself pulling a bpd lol (:",6.459580885233063,7.935157021021028,7.242707925316623,68.92334900117511,65.87687687687688,10.475989032510773,36.09988249118684,10.568078804390687,4.259549001175087,1460,72,240,39,23,485,167,333,0.08900000000000001,0.789,0.121,0.7205,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,10,4,6,4,9,18,3,0,10,1,33,2,1,10,8,77,54,23,0,6,11,0,2,2,2,6,0,0,0,1,37,23,0,9,11,2,2,3,7,8,0,0,2,4,34,10,33,39,4,22,1,1,2,1,26,8,0,8,12,180,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449758158268685,0.0,0.09387369900563224,0.0,0.0,0.07672017844324362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888504046649175,0.11559547830659095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419840322827708,0.2063186045554936,0.1245987306172583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841809015968345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828763408743127,0.0,0.2530701902940674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163105099204708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424504819212247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451529273273577,0.10205043273025273,0.095054117217688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113266738794322,0.08059727501609408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432597237195166,0.0,0.05894280219586984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205383171868237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027791324037527,0.0,0.0,0.06200187872263145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023445250366352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621459901961998,0.0,0.09591391638906373,0.10182274227965783,0.0,0.0753069595104956,0.0,0.11334094781233316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196821783268317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870122757151945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844415752604832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858032507807215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821386719619045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664957295933256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284863274793774,0.0,0.216822496131404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798028422740771,0.0,0.2353877713829088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911808243931295,0.08685288714999245,0.22315997638064689,0.0,0.0798532336686153,0.12024908641038982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860799430284684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749513343269956,0.2168678541891192,0.0,0.08956497153397168,0.131570285732105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659608606834607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570628646169214,0.0,0.0,0.1861734997708332,0.13308607982070172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875262495135317,0.0,0.0,0.11457225947795915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JustDoingMyBest382,2019/01/16,"How do I know if my significant other is pushing me away or actually wants to end things? How do I know if my significant other with BPD really wants to end our relationship or is just pushing me away as part of BPD? I would appreciate any insight and wisdom you can share. 

A condensed history: I have been in a long distance, on again/off again relationship for over 2 years (the off again times were always his decision). He has had some very tragic losses in his life. He will get very close, telling me how much he needs me, misses me, etc. He will then tell me how I deserve so much better than him. We make plans to see each other, and then he will tell me he doesn’t want to see me shortly before the planned visit. Then he tells me he doesn’t love me and he loves someone else (sometimes it’s an old fling, sometimes it’s a new one). 

I have done a lot of research on BPD. I am very patient and can tune out stuff (I understand BPD is a real thing and can see past it to see him), so I typically ignore it when he pushes me away. We did have one breakup that seemed legit—I tried calling and texting several times and got no response. After about a month of no contact, he reached out (and asked why I hadn’t tried harder to contact him) and we have been working on things.

What kinds of things can I look out for to know if he truly wants me around and wants me to show him I am not leaving? What sorts of things would help reassure you that your partner was not leaving you when you push them away? How do I know if he truly is not interested in me and I should move on? I love him and truly want this to work out. I will resist him pushing me away, but I also want to respect his wishes if he actually doesn’t want me to chase after him. ",4.518984848484847,4.571189050000001,5.4107070707070735,85.41590909090911,69.6111111111111,8.212121212121213,27.75252525252525,7.84624498591911,1.437555555555556,1358,41,298,15,22,446,169,360,0.035,0.85,0.115,0.9665,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,4,5,1,6,20,14,0,0,9,0,36,4,0,6,0,67,65,34,0,18,12,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,18,23,0,1,8,1,0,7,9,4,0,2,9,5,55,10,43,49,7,47,0,3,5,3,52,21,0,11,19,211,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.14418533620996352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059078896383657264,0.06147104753256776,0.0,0.0,0.050238456412682236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576562085196416,0.069064421665902,0.0,0.34704634855364513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286333896219164,0.0,0.0,0.06533763468999844,0.0,0.0,0.37217874431173453,0.0,0.07543602085607193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560116302255873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061714217064989724,0.0,0.13086505012021266,0.0,0.08239166692014696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859734764758405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908567180814123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951776517013005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693085791223807,0.1624020561430612,0.0,0.0,0.15644879132866465,0.0,0.0,0.052181056069537976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537825161385348,0.062037534044701366,0.0,0.0,0.06280703728350068,0.20002889084599848,0.0,0.04931304227529254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058967403716671765,0.07851887651835994,0.1086152461366353,0.054778382985355284,0.0,0.07135024640412065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775208098312843,0.0,0.1001210635233065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080000895949236,0.07052334249599733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408746840191314,0.0473270863120878,0.0,0.0,0.15863112095088192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354795684200627,0.06725426124522416,0.0,0.0834592558800147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259519795251943,0.0,0.1461312131168752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457075454762761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828477066905764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24540084623530664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615579628567205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031439471099256,0.0,0.0,0.07690789352335804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286719563001472,0.348593517683398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666192189075544,0.0,0.08495416518926767,0.0,0.0,0.10756573621302366,0.0,0.0,0.10495928947099667,0.0,0.0,0.047573952083740115
bpd,fmlbc,2019/01/16,"I’m losing hope Nothing seems to help and everything seems plastic as hell. We’re all in a mad world completely unaware of where we’re headed and what our purpose is. If that’s not enough , there’s stress, tough love and infidelity. No amount of love given to anyone amounts to anything in return. Why am i even here? I might as well just end this all. ",2.342714285714284,4.6758741285714285,2.975714285714286,91.53928571428571,79.14285714285714,5.7142857142857135,22.857142857142854,6.868970318607317,0.6311428571428572,279,9,57,3,7,87,55,70,0.21899999999999997,0.594,0.187,-0.1825,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,6,9,2,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,12,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,3,4,9,8,5,6,1,1,0,2,4,4,1,5,2,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384699307498312,0.0,0.18106229516490535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306926220065169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487734630095144,0.22734522840409796,0.0,0.14532481262912095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977447932908461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258097102634896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747850036727508,0.0,0.0,0.2185350349128892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246152330359536,0.0,0.0,0.3971633311902383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23341235741735095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112046672832008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006060272581787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520385448864469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978294097434572,0.0,0.19853885243551714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,usidoresothernames,2019/01/16,"I just got broken up with I’m sad. I don’t feel it overwhelming me yet but I suspect that will come later. I think it might be because I felt it coming, it is so hard trying to deal with this illness when your negative hunches about how people feel about you are nearly always right. ",2.5603448275862064,4.356958482758621,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,76.24137931034483,6.019310344827588,21.944827586206884,6.742157984588678,0.5364165517241379,224,6,45,2,5,73,47,58,0.29100000000000004,0.7090000000000001,0.0,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,13,14,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,4,8,0,7,9,0,8,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433807768407168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830334014498894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039202036985541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015513669860358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957903507435217,0.0,0.2808428066363492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393641855870875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620196889822016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102928918719379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278045884591567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979067704095065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742014495157064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858613357884172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mralexmrrory,2019/01/16,"My bdp girlfriend just broke up with me She have some things at my house and i do at hers. I was the one who loved her even though she lied to me several times. I am No saint ether. She said i was no man for her, and that she needed a better man. I did not say sorry for the things i did and left it broken. She never admit her mistakes. I am so afraid of the thought that she is with someone else. And honestly, i wish that she would fall in love with me again or just get attracted and get her to come back. I have been a puppy the whole time and did not say no or be the alpa i wanna be. She manipulates me and so on, because she can. She kept writing after the break up, and i said that i could not handle it because she knows that i want her. Now i wrote a message that we should stop the contact. After a few days, she is waiting for me to swap the things. Is there anyway i can, see her and make her not manipulate or something like that, but actually make a good impression? I hate the thought that we arent together anymore.  If there is anyway too make her feel sorry, and want me back? ",1.8169993164730016,3.1977943636363686,3.250280246069721,93.41421736158578,77.22510822510823,6.248439280018227,21.2488038277512,6.8360192770164,0.2183194805194799,842,21,197,8,19,276,119,231,0.08,0.8009999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.7321,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,1,15,12,1,1,14,0,23,2,0,5,1,53,47,18,0,10,11,0,1,1,1,2,0,4,0,2,14,16,0,3,5,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,12,6,47,8,19,30,3,21,1,1,1,2,38,7,0,5,12,159,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.1342779298384124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364624075641039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161209481477647,0.0,0.1677595891652578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169618017099257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185303739624284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986254973842577,0.0,0.0,0.08874073485112724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494729667957185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088362333322952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957478710077783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437808330751172,0.0,0.0,0.11541250535786728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585169355752574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587721369771219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562146218751534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950300177113926,0.0,0.0,0.06722449910799615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483790754011354,0.0,0.2755475725125573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202879239339648,0.1061257441453054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324144532667653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617785688916652,0.21885037725860432,0.0,0.0,0.1096495309365025,0.0,0.0,0.15544904079709476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658818878294674,0.10593134364317756,0.0,0.3080642794289896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503991456944705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27424634276334536,0.0,0.13519148146066068,0.21847835090551493,0.16047154687038964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232030641955852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362569067168014,0.15823342002204385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774722227614574,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sentient_nematodes,2019/01/16,"I have been several different people over the course of my life. I kill earlier selfs to become a new self. This is a ridiculous way to think about it probably, and very few people understand what I mean when I explain it to them. I'm in my late 20s, and by my reckoning I have been at least three separate people over the course of my life. Until 18 I was one person, I was another in college, and now I'm someone else. I killed the first one when I went to college because I hated her so much. I changed everything about her; personality, appearance, likes and dislikes. I actually have difficulties remembering being ""her"".   


College me was a distinct improvement, but a bit narrow in her perspectives. Struggled with an eating disorder, was way too dramatic, etc. So I killed her too, but less violently, and became someone else.   


People don't seem to believe me or understand when I tell them ""I'm a different person"" or ""I wasn't me"" but I mean it quite literally. For me, those are two entirely different people from who I am now. Definitely some continuities and underlying themes but overall irreconcilable. I like this new me the best of all. Maybe the next me will be my new favorite.  ",4.98263518860459,6.728685596412557,6.405702980743867,72.5008572935901,69.71748878923768,10.26948034819309,32.40015826958586,10.46071229359064,3.799974624109733,940,43,167,28,17,319,124,223,0.134,0.777,0.08900000000000001,-0.8611,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,3,11,10,6,1,11,0,17,3,0,0,2,26,30,18,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,5,8,7,1,0,9,0,0,2,2,7,0,5,8,0,36,3,22,19,9,25,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,5,15,128,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.09599107939518473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314538449061036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059963033620805725,0.10863757860144133,0.0,0.11082485847620577,0.1032291051472463,0.0,0.10739025456804016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405824243763094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083147713780641,0.11273602011311695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065303052738148,0.1643444324038752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970415229072264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840506680744137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367011542595397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711611370493656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264823943842494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109611936265374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895770617898598,0.09611337081145868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988219227092086,0.21429893997423569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231036795757613,0.0,0.0,0.28500764422272745,0.10461341454744136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331076807700956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34097318259805404,0.25766833303475195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605524347556544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046244067258254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111429564057381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954876134496535,0.20523449467539648,0.11112564242698524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669047697521375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283355737770504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859762670031744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302899566440429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608934177656273,0.20480506291060488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116229641611561,0.0,0.15615679047304806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911863177021249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kikiinpurgatory,2019/01/16,"(People with a creative profession), how do you deal with negative feedback? I study graphic design and have to deal a lot with feedback. But it seems that is doesn’t get easier. Only harder. I feel like a failure, I can’t do anything good, I am a bad designer, I should quit this study and find another profession. All these things go through my head all the time when I receive negative feedback + I am having a hard time with feedback in general and always feel personally attacked. Today was one of those these I got mad and cried, feeling worthless and useless and wanna quit school again. How do you deal with this? Am I the only one who can’t deal with this? Ugh.",3.711775898520085,5.742616527131784,4.534023960535587,83.44344608879494,73.65116279069767,7.481606765327696,28.7815362931642,8.296473431620573,2.163551937984495,528,22,98,9,11,170,79,129,0.24,0.6709999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,2,4,8,2,0,7,0,14,1,1,2,2,26,21,10,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,2,4,12,2,11,18,3,8,0,2,0,0,9,1,0,2,6,72,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329133829375474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155371720675221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193329139495683,0.0,0.0,0.16856753913537406,0.0,0.0,0.123717796594467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276046554255286,0.0,0.611037109547095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247613102661866,0.10585441934026532,0.0,0.0,0.13542692399625533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741398328275999,0.0,0.08420981117190354,0.12428001103217427,0.11850703450842935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273340044875948,0.0,0.1520676691759158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723895687461969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597090812298198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081095749413627,0.2253836320666368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272411188537224,0.1293784576170081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151992535176494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995841784290806,0.0,0.13489062262178644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843918386047082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280108038173372,0.0,0.14045014591115246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,toadbitch,2019/01/16,i only feel attraction to people who treat me badly i only like people who treat me like shit & the second they show any romantic interest in me i lose all feelings. it really isn’t the healthiest but idk how to stop this,2.930333333333333,4.957956200000002,5.055277777777778,78.85625000000002,75.8888888888889,8.944444444444445,22.36111111111111,9.516144504307137,2.199111111111112,179,5,33,5,4,62,34,45,0.201,0.551,0.248,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,9,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,6,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,7,6,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,21,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313278328151141,0.0,0.19662213942063667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414161691041107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923913184193146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28251412247649244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234688055856699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398013424911842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40090047266647977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522768468019116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967935633739208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417303285677599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cw213,2019/01/16,"On manipulating others Hello over here reading through these and have never felt like anyone has taken so many words out of my mouth than in here. Has anyone had success in navigating a relationship?  I want to start one with this person but am really scared. Last relationship was a turmoil. Fucking everything triggered a huge emotional response where I demanded attention or some kind of reassurance and after a while I stopped receiving it. 

I want to do this relationship thing successfully but I don’t trust myself to be a consistently nice person and I let myself get slammed by these intense emotional blackout periods and I manipulate people to make myself feel better or I don’t even know why I do it. It feels like this other me fueled by rage and sadness and whatever the heck it is I’m feeling in the moment and I want to prevent myself from doing it but I don’t know how. 

I also want to NOT do the devaluation thing, which I do with so many goddamn people and I hate it so much. 

Anyways. Success stories? Tips? I want to stop being a manipulative bitch and not snapping into hatred mode and exploding or just not liking for some tiny little thing they did. It’s ridiculous and I need to grow up but it’s so fucking hard. I’m aware of all these things but in any moment when I’m interacting with people these conscious thoughts just fly out the damn door and leave me subject to whatever actions my rage brings. ",3.9613333333333367,6.41633394814815,5.229407407407408,76.80633333333338,74.33333333333334,7.727407407407409,28.207407407407413,8.608573733854374,2.438834074074076,1146,47,198,23,25,380,152,270,0.201,0.6409999999999999,0.158,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,14,22,8,2,10,0,19,3,1,6,2,60,43,28,0,6,13,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,22,18,0,3,9,1,0,4,7,11,0,1,6,5,25,11,32,34,4,28,0,1,0,2,10,13,5,5,14,152,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234864886354742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852979413448921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149143846705946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213193970953248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597970416761633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627290130069124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378522998608684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516921118220766,0.08249834063533867,0.11087811075429188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351725986964498,0.060333099010918816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344665203546452,0.11401177059427775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025378297476133,0.1269286612945464,0.09413093465341313,0.0,0.1222757649509334,0.0,0.1180852731504294,0.0,0.16925186510179147,0.11574046372102645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708324129653192,0.23415550219601336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489047562400465,0.08562633978089786,0.08906465336420752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825167280643762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24017614455587946,0.2016639103758728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115510418222112,0.0,0.07397891198216111,0.0,0.0,0.3719442284193456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561479259089075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173674942125825,0.0,0.0,0.1930915103906782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068769116150346,0.0,0.0,0.09167756017965298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34056302600421984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420198741155808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,playboyhunties,2019/01/16,Any BPD people want a BPD friend?! It would be nice to have someone to relate to...it would be nice to just have someone. I’m 29 I’m a female. 🇺🇸 That’s me in the picture on my profile thingy. I’m new to Reddit and live in the Midwest region but travel to LA often.  I LOVE art. I’m currently manic and nuts and painting my bathroom at 4:45am. I have 3 kids! They’re great. I used to play golf professionally. I like rap and metal and country music and chances are good we have something in common. Hope I’m not breaking any rules. Let’s be pals ❤️,-1.3607537912578067,0.6125718898305124,1.3321052631578958,96.57368867082964,101.28813559322036,3.1621766280107053,17.227475468331846,4.9825596385082,-0.7123627118644067,425,13,95,2,19,145,78,118,0.023,0.705,0.272,0.9854,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,0,16,20,7,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,11,14,0,10,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,4,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28630857512093183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5302609474048787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263980926904315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765661320380733,0.0,0.2320884540621124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908432140802674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526114178120007,0.0,0.10284474588686053,0.0,0.18588453584070455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899938506957555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203312251621392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459414024186954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35672954972944537,0.1620611869630194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181339239952293,0.0,0.0,0.1241644853253444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990810900647063,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JohnnyVexx,2019/01/16,"No meds, no therapy, but healthier than ever Hello, I'm 22yo (male) with bpd and I've tried almost every single drug for my problems. The last 4 years I was on and off of those drugs.

What didn't help at all:

·SSRI's (Lexapro, Zoloft, Effexor)
->numbed my emotions and libido 

·Antipsyschotics (Abilify, Seroquel)
->no thanks, I don't want to be a zombie

What helped for short term:

·Benzos (Clonazepam, Valium)
->2017/18 I took it for one year, helped to stay calm and to maintain my job

What did the trick for me:

·Detoxing from all drugs
-> I did a withdrawal from benzos and ssri's a few months ago, it was hell, but now its better

·Eating healthy (low Carb, only fish no meat)
-> I'm feeling soo much better now, I have energy and I'm able to get myself up in the morning

·Spirulina (10g/ day)
-> I'm serious, this has helped my body to recover from years of alcohol and drug abuse
I can't recommed it enough. Check out Examine.com it's one of the best supplements listed there

·Kratom (2x4g/ day)
-> This is my favorite plant with spirulina, it's an opioid, I use it because it 'replaces' the lack of endorphines, that is believed to cause BPD
Caution! Don't take if you can't handle addiction

I'm feeling like a human again, I'm not that happy like in a manic episode or something, just relaxed and I'm feeling a sense of wellbeing.
In my opinion, you can't beat a mental health disorder like BPD, if your body isn't healthy.
I hope somebody made a similar experience and can tell something about it.

Don't lose your hope!",3.4726819824470816,5.551511379194636,4.1249664429530215,85.90288074341767,74.46979865771813,7.403407330924113,27.23335054207537,8.263242389622931,1.8828457408363453,1213,47,234,21,26,385,174,298,0.13699999999999998,0.688,0.175,0.9265,1,0,8,0,1,0,71.0,0,4,0,5,7,18,2,0,14,0,18,10,2,3,3,35,37,14,0,7,7,0,3,3,0,0,8,0,0,2,17,12,1,0,3,1,1,1,12,6,0,2,7,3,20,12,30,29,9,25,1,2,0,0,12,10,1,7,16,133,37,1,0.0972584067345507,0.1152353081680808,0.0,0.10602601922067877,0.0,0.0,0.08621370933371278,0.10393965862901962,0.0973902453969071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928782202548789,0.0,0.0,0.10957691912133917,0.1020666975010541,0.17203431427224142,0.0,0.2160643290875361,0.3674806757707027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999111747775264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254472527130919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146656019099672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511554972461464,0.09951963067730474,0.0,0.10940261695270673,0.0,0.10049393296769588,0.0,0.0,0.08797579704026959,0.08194440239454541,0.0,0.0,0.0951373842114548,0.0,0.0,0.14753031819940987,0.06948142520431158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050813503326099616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035333824816538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338113835069146,0.0,0.0,0.2607610396597725,0.0,0.0,0.1931990858465988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651396146569148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927858239528596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425466344558565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088072793989964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202825606212646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803216454376803,0.0,0.09801359856703107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763073235619368,0.0,0.07149611964560093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180962694136344,0.0739694009532831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306316021022802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974854624019687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366452093624648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312621790632022,0.0,0.08500813432380072,0.08954247384213025,0.11122346425515336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805766848296657,0.06603207396327078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840000363721875,0.0,0.0,0.05736552817046627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789367558478945
bpd,easymacs,2019/01/16,"My 2 best friends think I have BPD, and suddenly everything makes sense?? In the past year and a half or so, my mental illness has gotten much worse, partially due to me going off my meds several times, and a few very upsetting things happening in my life. I get violently angry and snap at the tiniest inconvenience, use drugs and other bad coping mechanisms to try and make myself happy, and I'm constantly thinking everyone hates me, which in turn makes me push people away before they can leave me. I also have suicidal ideation nearly every day. I thought this was all just my depression and anger issues, but after having a long talk with my friends, they think I have BPD. They even explained what splitting is and I realized that I do it all the time. It's weird realizing that I may have this disorder that I knew almost nothing about, but I'm going to try and get help as soon as I can. Even if I don't have BPD, it still helps that we've pinpointed my symptoms and hopefully my doctor can help me figure things out.

If anyone can offer any advice for the first steps to take in overcoming this, I would be so grateful ♡",8.79013698630137,6.904555342465756,8.630452054794521,72.19280136986303,61.78538812785389,12.230319634703195,36.0552511415525,11.00357731598739,3.7779585388127854,896,31,169,19,10,291,140,219,0.135,0.736,0.129,0.7464,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,2,10,12,3,1,7,0,18,5,0,4,2,38,40,21,1,4,6,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,15,13,0,0,9,0,0,4,1,7,0,2,4,0,29,5,19,33,5,27,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,6,13,119,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156260606030573,0.0,0.0,0.11432169248248684,0.0,0.0,0.09129925544191664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763742970489676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982817438981779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072635921328706,0.0,0.09532462068449388,0.0,0.0,0.097147651583901,0.0,0.11981115312796077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43136776827598894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337389652589956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362822728801931,0.0,0.09833181250008582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308451967063267,0.11685469406520152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239739721303587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081236563487302,0.0,0.09619056542091724,0.10909139743907052,0.10260587826897874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711033528028737,0.0,0.0,0.17641017917831844,0.0,0.11929502133462465,0.0,0.12976739852855673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095744221806263,0.12153282359544405,0.0,0.11271621074015475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229571066891044,0.0,0.0,0.11339352514227195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916061703346408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088629813205252,0.0,0.0,0.08063948142131498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103414348969256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22862194381928586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268137259830982,0.0,0.11505341658003344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392583231005031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095462517556904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108985256246949,0.07914897670479971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897613848605285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911738605379258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248800951639431,0.0,0.0,0.11866315760475404,0.08583932571299546,0.0917630565499086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169487527730827,0.21946068331052354,0.0,0.09063579259834446,0.13314331401531107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502370741227442,0.12418083974606615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860357459335348,0.0,0.0941996766343912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634585875143108,0.08110091392182316,0.0,0.0,0.0735197620393668
bpd,pyjamatuesdays,2019/01/16,"Freedom is the short time between Netflix binges, when I actually let myself have a life... I swear when I’m in the middle of a show it becomes my LIFE. Work and sleep become interruptions and all of my thoughts/fantasies become tied to the characters and storylines in that series. I’m so glad to be momentarily free as of one hour ago! And it was my second time watching this one so I don’t even have the emotional hangover! That’s a first for me. 

Anyone else relate? I think it would be nice to know if I’m not alone on this one. ",2.2430555555555567,4.271277194444443,3.809037037037037,86.9896666666667,77.98148148148148,6.542222222222222,23.76296296296297,7.554174236665415,1.0528896296296293,419,14,87,6,10,139,72,108,0.036000000000000004,0.7979999999999999,0.166,0.9348,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,7,0,9,3,1,0,1,10,14,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,9,4,12,9,1,12,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,7,61,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.17611580304307112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599785966887271,0.0,0.0,0.18691580034200134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619105293271232,0.18491611382218195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5979553886652318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076219514788644,0.20300805138103956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920084205987602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535104059855747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772974179706744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918334722967727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454606753334676,0.254947107240914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668799192919937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060352883404335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563993504787748,0.0,0.0,0.2104707406247025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138663411298232,0.0,0.0,0.12820297845750964,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ElisNana,2019/01/16,Mature aged sufferers I'm 51. Anyone out there still suffering?,2.668787878787878,3.925597090909093,4.076363636363638,72.36787878787881,123.54545454545452,8.73939393939394,21.84848484848485,7.793537801064563,3.5335212121212134,52,2,7,2,3,17,11,11,0.39899999999999997,0.429,0.172,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6587431507660062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.752367902903144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whackamol,2019/01/16,"My psychiatrist said the ""R"" word today... ""You are in **remission** of your borderline symptoms."" 

We acknowledged that I still struggle with thoughts that have ""characteristics of borderline."" I will still continue therapy and the consistent use of skills. Overall though... I did it. I'm doing it. I am taking my life back from this horrible illness that caused an extreme amount of hurt and pain.

And guess what? You can fucking do it too, so keep working hard my friend.",2.498333333333335,5.246218182926828,3.090780487804878,82.63999186991872,98.8780487804878,7.064715447154473,27.41788617886179,7.793537801064563,2.7734169105691056,369,18,62,10,15,115,63,82,0.193,0.772,0.035,-0.9229999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,3,0,2,6,5,1,1,3,0,8,5,0,2,0,12,16,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,11,1,7,12,1,6,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,1,5,46,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213980889426733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22997294825750975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295899279835347,0.20696131919201108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466146024988665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005407486432471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239654120503963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898316513582875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581237947988702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382101394757237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129486637380965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575607521431578,0.0,0.0,0.23403426513511455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326834008920162,0.16832002990941036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560112824929456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994806868804725,0.17772529309030713,0.0,0.0,0.21219962204576398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933491029533492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297775171195528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Edmund024,2019/01/16,Single player games w/ BPD Do any of you play single player video games actively? I find it extremely difficult unless I'm talking to someone or just playing a multiplayer game. It's impossible for me to sit down and have fun by myself. Do you guys have similar experiences?,4.17235294117647,6.893127803921572,6.203686274509806,68.75258823529413,74.88235294117645,9.570196078431367,29.807843137254906,9.888512548439397,3.785341960784313,222,10,35,7,5,77,42,51,0.051,0.764,0.185,0.7482,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,7,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734331808786047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506414931803481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933185752123826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36750054637145946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39812968488919337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34068730024839355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231825748863275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_falling__apart_,2019/01/16,Why do you unfollow exes that you dumped on socials? Asking out of curiosity.,2.928571428571427,6.011781857142861,5.682857142857145,66.7871428571429,87.57142857142857,8.514285714285714,28.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.736828571428571,62,3,9,2,2,22,13,14,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5660838036066739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172561204427861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463918091169756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kittybeans96,2019/01/16,"Lost interest in my boyfriend, feel like I want to die Hey friends. So I never thought this day would come but I also never thought it would happen the last few times I lost respect for partners and had to leave... 

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, he moved in with me after 3 month's of us dating. its been a rollercoaster. i love him dearly, still do (feels like fire in my heart right now) but I've had to support him financially almost the whole time because he also has mental health issues and substance problems. 

i'm now a little bit in debt, exhausted, feeling used but also completely in love with him. Tomorrow he's going to go stay with his parents for a few days so we can have a bit of time apart, but i feel like i don't want him back until he sticks at a job and proves he won't abandon it when he gets bored... That could be weeks??? i keep asking, will our relationship survive weeks apart after living together? can i regain respect for him after feeling steamrolled for years? 

to make matters worse, I'm getting attached to a friend who lives miles away. But I don't feel worthy of finding another partner either. I'm fat, scarred, mentally unstable. Who would want me...  

do i throw away 4 years of... of everything, because he can't stick at a job ? do i stay and exhaust myself because i feel like i need him??? 

what if he proves he can work but the splitting doesn't stop 

oh god i just need some advice... these emotions are hitting me like a hammer :(

",3.3051905574516525,5.034187771331061,4.03200085324232,87.89951436291241,74.01706484641639,6.5215585893060295,26.542804323094426,7.1686216300943375,1.2398510807736065,1159,42,231,12,24,369,161,293,0.12,0.679,0.201,0.9755,4,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,3,0,0,4,11,21,0,0,11,0,24,7,2,2,4,52,57,18,1,11,9,1,8,5,4,5,4,0,0,2,9,10,1,3,12,0,1,5,7,7,0,0,8,8,32,14,33,41,7,47,0,3,0,2,31,14,0,4,31,138,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436036543449328,0.0,0.0,0.17289341107179088,0.0,0.0,0.20711344486199598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090524198077698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070659837502389,0.0,0.16221915478120025,0.0663821961146121,0.0,0.15787731733135238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884993055994018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436537629665584,0.0905150283631997,0.0,0.0,0.06892722581637856,0.0,0.0,0.1113510051379346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959657950144262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710927181694268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758755099194442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055561655111596,0.24669576631099516,0.0,0.0,0.07890376472380488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339619526100732,0.0,0.09020739071714216,0.0,0.09812629471415353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634105207477583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176441427522793,0.0,0.10230108801422093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010575813287153,0.17133777562475172,0.07673378735807762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037021253718041,0.0,0.0914106674859358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108816080385003,0.08652502029421982,0.1524613804606082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847809029222806,0.0,0.15583181583714348,0.0,0.05762573263575928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400002760659808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689075279888853,0.09175478892273163,0.0,0.12802472962471806,0.13316554456547786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585889466639018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260584593607498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268576974621552,0.0,0.07372507614185195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403190749491555,0.06894299501120732,0.07217547916286687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796589929821303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707224768320952,0.15101859425128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384397712330062,0.07456112652429572,0.0,0.0,0.15275844828565044,0.0,0.1384969260424543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638400617258193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284903617562845,0.0,0.0879773206064685,0.1839783860503779,0.0,0.0,0.16678045300264946
bpd,code_momode,2019/01/16,"I feel absolutely hopeless Necessary context:

* I was diagnosed with BPD about six years ago, by a psychologist 
* I did DBT and completed most of it one-on-one with my last therapist

The last three years have been terrible. TW for suicide

2015: 

My mother and brother disowned me because I refused to be party to their behavior (including making false accusations that ended up in court, filing a false police report, stealing)

2016: 

My mother attempted suicide twice (February and June). The first time we decided to take her off life support, but she ""miraculously"" came out of her coma. My step mother died from kidney failure.

2017:

My mother attempted suicide a third time and succeeded, in February. She hanged herself. My ex step dad, with whom I was very close, ghosted me shortly after she passed away.

2018:

My ex husband divorced me. He and my former best friend were spending an extended amount of time together while hiding it from me. I had a hysterectomy in October.

​

It's been year after year of loss, and I have done my best at trying to keep it together, but I am very tired. My sensitivity to perceived abandonment has been of concern and I'm having difficulty with trying to make new friends. I'm not involved with anyone romantically, because the idea of that terrifies me. I figure that if I don't get too close to anyone, I won't fall apart when they leave. I know that's not healthy.

I'm currently on a wait list to see a new therapist. I had one who I worked very well with, but I lost access to her when my divorce was final (ex's health insurance). She doesn't take my new health insurance. I put off finding a new therapist, because I knew I would always compare the new one to the one I used to see, and I know that isn't fair. 

My medication regimen is fine and I don't think adjusting it will fix anything. 

I'm trying to stay positive, but losing my entire support system in the span of a few years is taking a toll. I'm so lonesome, but I'm afraid to let anyone in. I feel broken, and disposable. ",4.32357998004656,6.172997613402059,5.5619088792816775,77.47906717658799,71.57731958762886,8.820884602593948,30.29963418689724,9.370254747372089,2.9338050216162284,1606,69,289,37,31,535,207,388,0.171,0.723,0.106,-0.9771,1,0,0,0,2,4,61.0,1,0,2,10,6,17,0,1,16,0,27,8,1,3,0,50,54,20,5,2,8,10,2,0,2,3,7,0,0,0,12,21,0,4,12,0,1,7,7,8,1,8,14,4,52,9,45,35,5,53,0,5,2,0,30,17,0,2,27,188,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272682550768644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826696428634098,0.088894358298131,0.09969212455518472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210067241292315,0.0,0.06751500765725056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708279469245963,0.0,0.0,0.15003930768673052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219968742030015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333121878475944,0.0,0.0,0.09383618215979908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602130071893667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327266936041976,0.08514844935755668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395923126789884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266640200131301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296756043172468,0.0,0.0,0.08987490719246521,0.0749864922532817,0.06978636355617994,0.0,0.0,0.12677358041876738,0.0,0.04286446805724448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174417318723965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926173963592513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292424602847247,0.0,0.0,0.09017818803944164,0.13375319709400574,0.0,0.0868724747582728,0.0,0.08389528305303086,0.05794992006985737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178595937899796,0.08956043420161129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952966741211463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265043687636538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961917779675966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222379846845292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247661959806342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307564775025065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744771085403467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26922760683157715,0.18620452837771728,0.0,0.0,0.1850600466263796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28577731790041005,0.0,0.05257031597989882,0.0,0.0,0.14352109417801456,0.0942972103112908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710694243935836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085944955961344,0.0,0.20308403409920006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376717555410567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597288200481535,0.0,0.0,0.05828151913337785,0.0,0.09969212455518472,0.26416739410045964
bpd,raspberrybrussel,2018/12/26,"Not sure if ex-partner had BPD, but I am still suffering and think it is because of many similar tendencies Sorry for the length, I feel like the details are important to understand how it affected me.

My ex and I were together for two and a half years (lesbian couple) and broke up at the beginning of November 2017. She was 8 years older than me and had several long and significant relationships, but for me she was my first love. I loved her so much, even when red flags popped up from the beginning. She had recently moved to my region of the country for a job after college as an assistant manager of a grocery store- kind of a weird move, because it wasn't a great job, I live in a pretty small city, and she was very far from home where she knew nobody. I think she was basically running away. Throughout our relationship she would gaslight me by being really cold and then telling me I was just clingy when I called her out on it. She loved to play the game where she'd get cold and wait for me to stop trying to make her be sweet, and then the minute I gave up she would love me so intensely that it felt amazing and like I had done something right to deserve it. She often compared me to her ex (who spent years cheating on her with men and lying about it), telling me she didn't think she'd ever be able to love me the same way and that I wasn't as girly or classy as that girl (to put it into context, and sorry if this sounds bitchy- the ex was a 33 year old cheating bartender from Alabama with an unused degree in fashion, and I was a newly-Ivy-League-graduated pre-med from New England who she often stated she knew would never cheat and always be loyal and actually, truly loved her...I didn't wear high heels or makeup to the supermarket though, so I wasn't ""classy""). I knew there were so many messed up things, but in some ways she was the sweetest, kindest person I'd ever met. When she was sweet and loving to me, it felt incredible. The sex was amazing. We had an insane connection. But we also fought constantly. Often over her drinking, because I felt like she definitely had a problem...she'd regularly get drunk when we were just watching tv on a weeknight and pass out on the couch, never coming to bed, and every event had to involve at least 3 or 4 drinks. Even just brunch or movie night. We also fought a lot over the future, because I felt like her family was very fake and southern, and while they were in some ways kinder than my family, mine keeps it more real. She constantly talked about her family was so much more loving and she missed being around them, alluding to the fact that my family were assholes (we can be, but I share way more with them than hers does with her...their relationship, to me, always felt very superficial). Her mom is on her 3rd marriage and had her at 19, and she constantly talked about how her mom didn't spend time with her growing up and never really wanted her and didn't care about her. But, according to her, they were also so great and we should move across the country to be with them! She also had graduated from college at the same time as me and talked a lot about missing her college friends. When I tried to explain that I did too but the nature of life is that friends move away and move on and you can't let it hold you back from moving on and making new friends too, she acted like I told her her friends didn't give a shit about her and threatened to kill herself.

Our relationship happened in phases of her being intensely loving and telling me she wanted to marry me and have kids, and her saying she was going to move back to the South, didn't want me to follow, and wanted to be alone for the rest of her life. Anytime I accepted the latter, she'd come running back telling me the former. There were many 3-4 month periods of this, to the point where I stopped believing her when she said she wanted to leave and that she ""loved me"" but ""wasn't in love with me"". I should have left, but I was naive and convinced she just had a lot of issues to work through and I could help her, because I knew her family wouldn't. Seemed to me like it could be bipolar II or borderline, or maybe even a mix. Even during the 3-4 month periods, from day to day her moods would vary and she'd be hot and cold. She stopped wanting to have sex ever which upset me, and then I started to feel guilty for getting upset. It went on like this, her being cold, me getting upset and instigating an argument, her making me feel like I enjoyed fighting when all she wanted to do was be in love and have fun. She kept telling me we just didn't understand each other, but I tried so hard to understand her behavior and could never keep up- her mind changed everyday and when I pointed it out, she either wouldn't remember what she had said in the first place or act like it was just a normal situation of changing one's mind. Even stories about the past changed during each retelling. It felt like her reality was whatever was convenient to her at any given moment. I was so hurt and angry and confused that when we'd fight I'd make some low blows about her family being shitty people or her being selfish (this was her #1 trigger because she felt like her mom had ben selfish during her childhood and it was the one thing she didn't want to be). I began to feel like a terrible person and like I was the source of her depression and unhappiness, even though I was all she had in this place and was just trying to figure out what was going on. (I still struggle with so much guilt over the things I did wrong.) She eventually decided she was going to move, but that she wanted to continue dating me. However, she didn't know if or when she'd ever want me to come be with her. We'd been living together almost 2 years at this point. The night before she left, she told me I was the only person who had ever loved her unconditionally. A week and a half after she left- which was the saddest experience of my life- we went on a short weekend vacation in Florida together. The last night, she sobbed the entire time, telling me she loved me so much and was going to miss me. She sobbed again when we said goodbye and said she'd see me soon.

A week later she broke up with me, because every time we facetimed I was so upset from missing her, and she said talking to me wasn't ""fun and exciting"". She said she had never been alone her entire adult life and needed to work on herself and be single. I believe she meant it when she said it. A month later, she had a new girlfriend. They moved in together 6 months later and just celebrated their one year anniversary. The girlfriend is obese and EXTREMELY feminist. She wears a lot of cheetah print and actually tries to pull off a ""trashy"" vibe on purpose. She doesn't shave her armpits, has giant boudoir pictures of herself in her house, all her walls are hot pink, her ex is a homeless drug addict. Basically, she's batshit crazy, and has so many characteristics my ex couldn't stand in me - caring about politics and feminism (although I don't think I do to the same extent that she does), suddenly not caring about appearances or classiness whatsoever. The girl posts a lot of pictures of herself and seems like a very insecure narcissist, but who knows. It is mind-boggling and a slap in the face. Also, my ex has gained probably AT LEAST 30 pounds in the past year and now is at least medically overweight if not obese. I suspect she is eating a ton, but also that her drinking is more out of control than ever. She was SO fixated throughout our relationship on how I wasn't ""southern"" enough in that I didn't care as much about appearances, didn't like to drink as much, very often told it like it was instead of sugar coating everything, and didn't care about football/did care a lot about liberal politics. The new chick has taken all of these dislikes she had of me to the absolute extreme.

The past year has been the hardest of my life. Despite the way she treated me and the confirmation from friends, family and therapists that she was emotionally abusive and kind of nuts, I loved her deeply and still do. I think about her constantly. At first I lost a lot of weight and could barely function because I was so depressed, but I slowly have gotten better. I am working out more than ever, eating well, still pursuing my dream of applying to med school, going to therapy and taking anti-depressants, and talking with friends and family regularly. I even moved to a new city across the country to get away from the bad memories, where I've been busy with a new job and have made new friends. Objectively I'm doing pretty well, although I still feel crappy a lot of the time. I blocked her on all social media, but I have pretty much figured out how to get around all of it and still creep a lot- I feel like it's my one really unhealthy habit but I just am having a hard time stopping. After not talking to my ex for 6+ months, she drunk dialed me about a month ago on a weeknight. She told me that all she wanted was to marry me and be with me, but that I brainwashed her into believing her family and friends didn't love her, that I didn't want a family with her, and that I refused to move to the South. The truth is that I probably did say some hurtful things about her family when I was very angry, because she always made it a me vs them situation. These so called ""friends"" were people she literally NEVER talked to (she would just wallow alone when upset, never call anyone), and who never visited her, but the only comment I made was the one about post-college that I mentioned above. I did want a family, but I was 21 when we met and she was obviously going through some shit, so family seemed like something that would be in the distant future- she expected me to have the kids anyway, so biological clocks weren't really an issue. And while I spent a long time saying I didn't want to move, once I realized she was going to leave whether I came with her or not, I begged her to let me move with her and she said no. I even applied to and got accepted to a school where she was moving in case she changed her mind. When I brought this up on the phone, she denied it ever happening. Basically in her mind, she just loved me and I ""didn't love her enough"" to want to completely give up my life for hers, instead of us building one together. She said I knew she ""had an amazing life"" in the South before she moved (totally not how she'd framed it, nor would she have moved in the first place if that had been the case), and couldn't understand why I didn't want to get on board. She also said that it had fucked her up not having an apology from me for the past year and that if I had apologized a year ago we would've gotten back together, even though I apologized for my wrongdoings A MILLION times last year and constantly begged her to let me come with her. She also though, kept insisting on knowing why I had moved and what I'm up to now, and kept saying that I must be in a serious relationship because I am so brilliant and devoted and have so much to give. And that she loves me and will be fucked up forever that I'm not in her life anymore and she wishes things had worked out differently. And that she was terrible to me and she knows I have to hate her now and never think about her. BUT, she is in love and about to get married and buy a house and have kids with this other woman.

I was already so mindfucked from the relationship, but this call sent things over the edge. In a moment of weakness I called her during the day a week later for answers and was told by her (sober) that she projected all her unhappiness onto me, used little criticisms of me (like that I wasn't classy enough or didn't like football or didn't care about religion- which this new chick has made her not care about either- as excuses because she didn't really want to be with me). She basically admitted to using me and said that although she did love and care about me, it wasn't in the same way/to the same extent that I loved and cared about her. And that she is so happy and in love now, she and her gf are best friends and understand each other, and she's not shallow anymore.

I don't even know what to think. Is the truth what she said when she was drunk, when she was sober, or neither because she doesn't even know what the fuck she thinks or feels or who she is? I creeped on her new gf's Instagram yesterday, and they just celebrated their one year anniversary. My ex got her a book of reasons why she loves the girl with customized cartoons of the two of them- the exact same gift from the exact same website that I gave her for our two year anniversary. Even worse, the page that the girl posted had a reason nearly identical to one of the reasons in my book. She basically just completely copied me, and the girl wrote it was the sweetest gift she'd ever received. I have to think she'd prob go batshit if she knew that 1. I'm the brains behind the operation and 2. her gf was calling me a month ago telling me she still loved me. This girl looks completely insane and for them to get along so well (allegedly), she must have some serious issues too, but I still constantly wonder if she's actually just a better, kinder girlfriend or has something I don't.

The holidays continue to be hard without her, even though I know I should be grateful this situation is over. I really do believe she is a good person, just deeply, deeply fucked. And the relationship totally destroyed my self esteem. Everyone can't seem to understand why I can't get over this because they think I'm way out of her league, but it doesn't feel that way. Maybe because she had that kind of charm and charisma that hooks you in, and really could be so loving and selfless at times. I just feel this really weird connection to her and it always feels like there is unfinished business. But I also know there's nothing to ever resolve or make sense of, because her behavior is constantly nonsensical and she is constantly lying to herself and others. I guess I just really wonder how much she still cares and loves me, and if any part of her regrets her actions and knows what she's doing now is nuts. I feel like I should block her number but I also really worry about her mental health and her lack of deep emotional support, and sometimes worry that she may call me if she's ever in a bad situation or thinking about hurting herself. At the same time, she's looked for my forgiveness over and over but I can't pretend to be totally fine because I'm absolutely not. This has affected me so deeply and I can't find my way out. I'm still so sad and angry and confused and upset, and I feel like a shitty person. I don't know if she has BPD, and I know it is useless to try to seek a diagnosis from strangers based on my story, but I also know a lot of what happened happens when one person has BPD so I thought maybe someone here would have some advice for me. I just want to understand why this still is hurting so badly, despite me (mostly) doing the right things? And how to stop feeling like an evil person despite everyone telling me that's not the truth?",7.2287944309671985,6.1791932768871085,7.273536810463035,77.9980828762789,64.2939211756847,10.550958056463807,32.990621594065324,9.682069395223575,2.822615096860388,11957,398,2392,200,152,3852,751,2994,0.138,0.716,0.146,0.9945,5,3,8,0,3,1,312.0,19,3,13,15,183,175,17,11,149,0,263,71,8,25,41,531,500,280,1,58,92,11,26,24,16,18,17,17,3,22,119,192,15,16,81,16,5,48,70,63,3,19,182,56,448,111,328,252,72,364,0,20,6,34,419,131,8,65,197,1766,567,18,0.015561226235533859,0.018437508498562925,0.04555653621602994,0.016964033519993132,0.0,0.01520625017849926,0.041382264441409966,0.0,0.015582320260414584,0.048350212079185786,0.01717220010531489,0.13688737698284265,0.05179274724722816,0.0,0.0,0.02116433491469614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03086510999885022,0.010880771200416956,0.0,0.0,0.027705581042345183,0.0,0.0,0.043860852877582866,0.047862489751817006,0.03897892174145005,0.1517756652656227,0.0,0.02648291477594101,0.07012869266073249,0.016330546882827656,0.027525280071385983,0.0,0.0,0.058796459091317935,0.01737147488535895,0.11122826285112654,0.017797897255480206,0.17452277973338653,0.0,0.06584685604891963,0.05361847406710346,0.048946948929715885,0.13452925866970147,0.017453238421075424,0.0621218646028534,0.017218200850364854,0.0,0.03010711072137784,0.0,0.040208584063731435,0.0,0.0,0.0162581693779608,0.0,0.0,0.027235467887937518,0.01592453718130218,0.0,0.060976309960489326,0.018046082070862363,0.0318460386066794,0.0,0.03500857006237048,0.0,0.048236719437848435,0.0,0.1336145611729522,0.1548362202976105,0.026222008507242992,0.0297388370595052,0.013985426746837823,0.015221865223558397,0.1907066093554997,0.0,0.10228690611384393,0.0889355450555633,0.10458852258581107,0.0,0.014222678863894948,0.05294548434595598,0.0,0.0,0.12022564788282784,0.05754441161796853,0.08130098442138964,0.04478323847826793,0.07075042782602574,0.013052018268987716,0.024891468331253132,0.034312613721261216,0.017142445086598897,0.0,0.05504296387337498,0.016565214687551868,0.04181940651212772,0.015363489256971388,0.0,0.016540855812628045,0.0,0.0,0.010430361929107231,0.016441289888447487,0.015609178699074152,0.0,0.0,0.03591113157115697,0.06663445812030085,0.0,0.0,0.04872563176918932,0.046326347706506885,0.02766306574659757,0.01721619124213969,0.048613867494896386,0.1026245157339078,0.02536895262231761,0.0,0.03295418343947568,0.050721953509323014,0.04773722439350159,0.08793083432232601,0.18245829865880556,0.01559643676882011,0.027481695721714272,0.027542391070430453,0.02613502168574736,0.0,0.01698691666037712,0.13229598070734652,0.3792045841669297,0.05889763407508718,0.05193619673560442,0.06310656388718075,0.046900029973677,0.0,0.01728501432033828,0.01567629830826925,0.0156820560059467,0.0,0.07856201245468793,0.05467536028036537,0.08694575622911496,0.28116505375742873,0.10295362602680612,0.011538452078066684,0.10801599292810247,0.13526216339775196,0.0,0.043809470027021014,0.015246697749653626,0.014931416261587166,0.0,0.016328889254184933,0.016572198077359674,0.09490220662408304,0.023670027535666882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016851291582656632,0.059419804925070215,0.021576389861219347,0.0951122376707412,0.0487745081338824,0.0,0.044131165876206586,0.0,0.04471005964022272,0.047494084330060624,0.03355526764040004,0.014889991917897947,0.0,0.015643330406237846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0177120822420189,0.09968919994453704,0.04799859686609553,0.015364833587268631,0.13365546680493198,0.017627835845098867,0.026578404360100588,0.17762747561933415,0.049499646737535166,0.0,0.03149758344915858,0.012400282590968016,0.056665423704183364,0.016233752740999186,0.01757975631920543,0.03194675021989146,0.0,0.06996588111424372,0.0,0.015862710475697886,0.013184976491280026,0.035939376626527436,0.015390450646467529,0.03483903750864741,0.011014316022702749,0.0,0.13669936910248,0.06504940959246132,0.0,0.016267972365828044,0.0,0.0,0.01765869512320991,0.014666271567442709,0.0,0.011700105510621629,0.08755266939544122,0.10880958094933572,0.0,0.017795618374646927,0.01806778304086213,0.07236731078652202,0.10968105980649467,0.07644412883875483,0.012353875425175955,0.09073876158006264,0.0,0.0,0.074347092648763,0.0,0.06339030688926131,0.0,0.04560317069252635,0.11339849715116533,0.018718239158096502,0.026879806356447843,0.0,0.07703784808658806,0.1652114594013715,0.11116599363275743,0.037446831142345184,0.01894938133612436,0.04197423364166062,0.028850825243188525,0.07020793141830613,0.0,0.01789464220093149,0.015000466787401459,0.033750972109934704,0.04531503213111452,0.031606361204162985,0.015858218966758958,0.09948823779897968,0.017013758046336692,0.0,0.13027195351093118
bpd,UndercoverAkira,2018/12/26,"Scared of dbt Am I the only one who's scared to sought after dbt?? Not because I dont want to get better but because I'm scared I'll get someone who doesnt have my best interests in mind and instead is going to fully manipulate me and use me having BPD to their advantage 
",3.441896551724138,4.157446810344833,5.323620689655171,82.72094827586207,72.27586206896551,7.868965517241381,26.568965517241374,8.07648339933343,1.5785379310344827,217,7,45,3,4,75,43,58,0.19899999999999998,0.675,0.126,-0.767,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,3,1,7,0,3,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,8,12,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,6,4,7,12,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26839237809237715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23102487771069175,0.19469722931114156,0.0,0.0,0.2772604589598293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580041483415266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300296507946239,0.0,0.12511146330373646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228011652366006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917354872242194,0.1674274981747976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6612000080145672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652514232204848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901315375701057,0.0,0.0,0.1298451351407186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,englishmight,2018/12/26,Complete lack of self identity How am I supposed to achieve anything or lead a 'normal' life if I know nothing about myself and a passion one day is discarded as a waste of time/boring the next? What's the point in putting any effort into anything when from past experience i won't give a ha'penny jizz about it by next week. Are there any useful strategies for forming and maintaining a positive identity?,6.497368421052627,7.6288634736842145,6.485368421052634,75.63857894736844,65.57894736842105,9.237894736842106,37.56842105263158,9.3871,3.728808421052632,328,17,55,6,5,104,62,76,0.098,0.773,0.129,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,7,0,4,3,0,3,0,11,7,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,11,6,2,11,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,6,38,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950467356603637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35703835363310626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274524187421104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990525057541442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220424185190592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810400104025265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192219067598714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322773982304366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614260700483456,0.0,0.21255042592960688,0.20815516502284634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470008986777821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070891850296689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507387365177576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180797832684105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263107143718179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264966534973484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736235163113069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740123236237687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Deadweightdanger_,2018/12/26,"Need to rant and could use some insight on the things I feel and others experiences. I hate the way I am, I hate the thoughts I have, I hate how I treat people, I hate my internal thought process that's so self defeating and negative, I hate the way I male others feel and how I have a lack of empathy! 

I had to get that out. 

I have over the last few years destroyed who I am harmed others around me....why? Why do I act the way I do to others being defensive, agry and shutting down? I feel horrible the next day like everything I said or did is the end of the world. And for the person who I usually do this too drifts farther and farther away. There's nothing attractive about a person who does these things. Not on a superficial cosmetic beauty way but, a personality and moral way. I'm just having a really really hard time trying to understand BPD and what it really does to you. I don't want to shut down...I want to be open and communicative and I literally CAN'T do it....why? I feel like an insane person. 

I didn't have health insurance for years but, now I do. I want to go back to therapy but, DBT is pretty limited with who offers it. Does anyone have suggestions on what kind of therapist to use and what to do? I'm terrified to deal with my issues...I'm literally scared! It's going to be like opening 30 years of oppressed thoughts and feelings that have been put there for a reason. On the other hand I clearly need to do it. I didn't used to be this way. I used to be a confident, outgoing, compassionate, caring person who had interests and passions which I don't even pursue anymore. I want to be her again so badly but, can't seem to make it happen on my own. 

Any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm not trying to sound defeated here I'm just trying to explain how I actually feel and get some insight. 

Thanks",1.7017520022883303,3.976343932065217,3.7705377574370718,85.27835240274602,81.14673913043478,7.460640732265446,22.99942791762014,8.452757503120043,1.593928260869565,1429,49,294,33,38,486,171,368,0.16699999999999998,0.69,0.14300000000000002,0.40700000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,3,17,23,7,1,19,0,37,3,1,9,1,68,78,25,0,9,9,0,8,3,0,1,1,2,0,7,27,21,0,2,16,0,0,5,9,12,0,0,11,10,36,11,40,58,5,40,1,2,0,1,20,17,0,4,15,202,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.07434505618784258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180805431354602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555452612421305,0.05326995510102587,0.0,0.0,0.06782033327366561,0.0,0.0,0.07157782049468475,0.05858115737248708,0.06361085296888626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595167714379743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767514794729614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082710273439437,0.0,0.0,0.04913268268729437,0.07854284671214355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000086379203894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747683058452192,0.0,0.0,0.05031912609462043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846969218911507,0.07452303353109292,0.0,0.0,0.2311269526938218,0.05442620294016445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960648579083564,0.0,0.0865947836842286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067369678126531,0.0,0.06824632391152646,0.3760819742641943,0.0,0.08098053255981283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933440534806685,0.0,0.06210051393687635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165965626811088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050853727502654864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297964322793537,0.0,0.0,0.08102305163704353,0.0,0.0,0.07310105682757083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052816721258937056,0.3326067175199291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750699814763481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765864379483386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641717321192765,0.07833032704738091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246888016684502,0.0,0.07627394825128668,0.0,0.0,0.0693554831937552,0.07947702085685286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014042729788066,0.0871235847488555,0.08845604540649843,0.10122715766513443,0.0,0.0,0.24192784761343825,0.04442377903422325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517276944954972,0.0,0.0,0.0793107234837874,0.0,0.2631956965839657,0.08390643406671205,0.0,0.17974230487038287,0.36283013280964205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062339122200688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054119263985307135,0.0,0.0,0.14718090897646974
bpd,NeonAnonymous,2018/12/26,"Small wins We just got home from our abbreviated Christmas visit to my partner's family. Our daughter is in bed and partner was trying to discuss buying a footstool. Instead of snapping I just told him that I was exhausted after being 'on' constantly and needed to be on my own.

I feel like this is the highest thing ever.

Anyone else have any big/small wins today?",3.3624844720496867,5.995220362318842,4.842691511387166,77.89956521739133,77.26086956521739,6.2616977225672885,27.248447204968944,7.447530270364453,1.923114285714286,291,12,47,4,7,97,55,69,0.035,0.826,0.139,0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,11,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,9,3,9,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063600302028253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629747660191966,0.3023013658891542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188313365097553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464664467342174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668788230808822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781356320930919,0.0,0.14918011170649695,0.21077525419884724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359688946247367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959472373910441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414069671270405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876698845630693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960101820087674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796615898626698,0.2819215168414017,0.0,0.20031148085923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,screaminginmymind,2018/12/26,"Did anyone else’s xmas go from happy to hiding and crying in the bathroom in a couple minutes? It sucks. I’m not even sure why I’m so miserable but all I want to do is run away. Forever. I know it’s the bpd, but it still feels like shit. ",-1.3814555256064691,0.5935690754716987,1.61191374663073,96.99150943396229,94.09433962264151,4.538005390835579,15.118598382749324,6.1826913282559595,-0.6147175202156334,183,4,44,2,7,64,42,53,0.24600000000000002,0.634,0.121,-0.7422,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,2,9,10,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,3,6,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636019592116204,0.273085947062008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25040863326619045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356784010343161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949043982986198,0.2927647558625948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264710193238496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603698331997522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476284491259216,0.19040522605919447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147207110028807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28372039056661524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647494883567747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021045590114774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735836697767919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128468882397968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511962794178462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720311330955444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404969944379247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GrouchyWalk,2018/12/26,"Seeking advice from those with BPD on a recently ended relationship I've been broken up with by someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. This has meant she has been very inconsistent with me - she has done this twice to me, now. The first time was back in March of this year, in which she told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to continue. At that point, we didn't know each other that well so it wasn't that bad, although it did cause me some pain.

We resumed our relationship when she contacted me in September. Recently within the past few days, she told me she didn't want to continue anymore. Used the exact same words and phrases that she did before.

""You can't change my mind""

""This is so frustrating, you're ignoring everything I'm saying""

Her reason was that the pressure involved with being with someone was making her incredibly anxious, and that she would do better being friends with me. This is the reason she provided me with on the first occasion. It seems as if she has a limit, and then she panics and abandons everything.

I wanted to talk and try and see if we could rescue this, and she became very very blunt, threatening to stop talking to me if I continued talking about this. I tried once more to ask if we could talk on the phone, and she blocked me.

I contacted her five days after she had blocked me, and she told me to stop harassing her and not to contact her again. She was very harsh and hostile, and told me that she was ""serious"", never to contact her again.

We then had a conversation about things, about the break up and the relationship. She became angry when I expressed that I'd been hurt by her treatment of me during the relationship (inconsistency, mainly) - she replied that I knew who she was when I got together with her, and that I can't blame her for me being hurt, that I knew she would hurt me eventually and it's my fault for becoming involved with her.

By the end of the conversation she had calmed down and said that she needed time and that we'd speak soon - I didn't respond to this message. I'm not under any illusions that we will get back together, but her pattern of behaviour is that she will do this, then come back.

It is making it very difficult for me to move forwards, as I have to see her at work in two weeks, and we are in the same small group with a mutual friend (it's the three of us in a friendship group), so we will see each other.

I'm really feeling quite stuck, as many people believe she'll come back, and I do too, to an extent. The BPD pattern seems to be that the fear of engulfment causes a break up, and then there's a 'recycle', where they come back - she has done this, as I mentioned.

I just don't know what to do. The break up came out of nowhere, and my feelings for her are still there. I am really struggling with this. The BPD aspect of this relationship means that feelings are a lot more intense than they would usually be, and it is very upsetting to deal with. I don't seem to be able to manage my emotions very well in this situation, and I am unsure what she will do next.

Is there any hope at all with this situation? Is it likely that she'll talk to me again? I feel very strongly bonded to her, and I don't know if she feels like that or if she just hates me, now.

TL:DR: I am struggling with feelings having broken up from a partner with BPD. They have a habit of coming back and leaving, and this is causing me a lot of mixed feelings. I am unsure how best to manage these feelings, and seeking advice on what to do in this situation",6.4992352676563225,5.932740509971513,6.759751087119511,79.50215924426452,65.55270655270655,10.12451641925326,31.57909731593942,9.549672527348893,2.5908370370370366,2786,92,568,48,38,901,266,702,0.11800000000000001,0.821,0.06,-0.9849,0,0,0,0,0,0,83.0,11,1,3,8,32,32,4,7,30,0,74,1,0,9,3,125,121,51,0,16,12,0,8,2,3,9,1,3,0,2,56,58,0,7,20,0,0,7,14,21,2,6,32,14,105,11,91,71,15,82,0,4,3,0,100,29,0,15,47,445,161,3,0.05462057239318967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067491823757522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428772449321139,0.0,0.0,0.061705699676491574,0.054168930828416915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106286195234617,0.0,0.0,0.2519990918618373,0.04560589644548033,0.0,0.06032413088784919,0.04647808411135579,0.061538680762324174,0.057320920905129726,0.04830745758804208,0.0,0.0,0.27517079538176203,0.0,0.0,0.06247138373129355,0.0,0.16833112133079556,0.057781323162553536,0.18820314672291075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722016507907089,0.0,0.0,0.07045150109278983,0.05631141175609314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259990806706582,0.0,0.0,0.11179161883183247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144079221428265,0.09675522979112182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817889702431916,0.0,0.0,0.0614633293653772,0.22094242053253876,0.039020947831401115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929204619494296,0.0,0.0,0.08439943747758052,0.0,0.028536994694452818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043685061427080916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053926507106244664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542505527752668,0.0,0.0,0.1754173573093737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005411440777178,0.0,0.0,0.05783529957633129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336970535926409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287291479707402,0.0,0.0,0.07291931241629943,0.055376687368862594,0.0,0.05949781590567234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515120754220865,0.0,0.0,0.058053024344513135,0.0,0.040500462334790384,0.04212675268110619,0.0,0.05808959839704079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816912697610741,0.0,0.0,0.058120140063045264,0.06408547304364602,0.0,0.0,0.05214151679589119,0.037867027525995724,0.047692577000042695,0.0,0.0,0.05163409584078765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058095702119308125,0.0,0.0,0.06998267462953492,0.11231809092736984,0.1078624515266456,0.29321026785850746,0.0,0.0,0.051956672331144885,0.04343647147631258,0.0,0.0,0.1305765733440752,0.1491735531045826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841874356466522,0.0,0.0,0.09255966747658527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362005966947097,0.0913304885360761,0.0,0.1142025633261588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950973549568165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362874812589332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369939001895318,0.0,0.0,0.20876919053959744,0.0,0.07416756653287873,0.0,0.053356362548564205,0.0,0.0657018233353107,0.047174637357777285,0.060156843754755135,0.36054154042783226,0.09664988630320863,0.0,0.043813328511679135,0.0,0.09822090849703216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397644272301196,0.0,0.0,0.11640266246202224,0.0,0.0,0.03517385781540412
bpd,CraneCulture,2018/12/26,"It’s Taking FOREVER to Get DBT! Dr Linehan *herself* works in my city! You’d think it wouldn’t take so damn long to find a program, but here we are.

Jfc this is like job-hunting. Months of calls and emails, but everyone is full. 6-month waitlists. I’m not suicidal, so they can’t take me. I have no idea what my other options are, other than reading books. 

If y’all have suggestions I am all ears!",0.5296296296296319,2.9043973333333355,2.136901234567901,94.16905555555556,88.01234567901236,5.215308641975309,22.91481481481481,6.742157984588678,0.6919125925925922,308,12,66,4,10,100,67,81,0.062,0.8270000000000001,0.111,0.7154,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,10,2,1,0,1,12,16,6,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,10,1,5,14,2,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,2,3,42,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467944137112113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309469314675917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209019831066765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627402234892113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27284069318551585,0.0,0.0,0.23984187921248595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807843536868745,0.0,0.0,0.21388969213116046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858322764954518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417572670926864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26437166867902234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451666035464168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548663859789498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759545539574362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,heyitsmemarie,2018/12/26,"feeling like im faking bpd? anyone else? anyone else feels so ""fake bpd"" all the time? i can barely read the posts on here because im not splitting or texting anyone manipulative things. my thoughts are so ugly though. but its only about myself. like why am i like this, why does nobody love me, why do i feel so lonely all the time, whats wrong with me? but then im like damn. thats exactly what bpd is?",0.4818072289156632,2.807877481927715,2.2903734939759057,93.42495783132532,87.433734939759,4.283855421686749,16.73373493975904,5.6839178017228535,-0.5667580722891565,313,7,67,2,10,103,56,83,0.19699999999999998,0.62,0.183,-0.3587,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,3,13,10,8,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,7,5,3,9,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,7,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727076744885002,0.26641108701944355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924987568311277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912104522620943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376830089398207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720508537946506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720338810501428,0.09287563822735782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212833094888938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254055614879702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733463908543558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887470360071417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245089072593602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004023755712033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636958272127378,0.0,0.12772930778483335,0.10320949303027543,0.15161398765262218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35192802706853504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214012057493033,0.0,0.0
bpd,Seldone,2018/12/26,"DAE lose interest in sex when it is happening? Most of the time I'm like really horny and i masturbate at least once a day (unless im crazy busy or tired) but when i find a partner/fling at parties or whatever I just feel meh about the whole ordeal, like if I'd prefer a good meal instead of whats happening right now. ",4.589925373134328,4.460292731343287,5.912649253731345,82.5053917910448,69.44776119402985,10.282089552238807,28.690298507462693,10.125756701596842,2.522764179104477,251,8,55,6,4,85,53,67,0.07400000000000001,0.7120000000000001,0.214,0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,5,8,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,7,5,3,9,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,4,7,31,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302487910895245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565550417560318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24521223379467366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502895452361305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744959882463918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28979927930573635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621459209422619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30014792603298857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28572013390199674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187346798400116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291182261164249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644207839982222,0.3083599310517929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995362456834459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emziecakes,2018/12/26,"Will I ever outgrow BPD? Im 20, and I have BPD. 

I first felt someone wrong with my emotions in primary school year 5 when I got moved to a new school, I was badly bullied to the point everyone in my class would run away from me calling me an alien and so on.

Since then I never under-stud why I was riddled with anger, self hate and suicidal thoughts.

In secondary school it was where it all came crashing down, I got my diagnoses finally, the self harm, the attempts, the hospital visits, everyday I had someone new to “talk too” but to me and to this day I still feel like that doesn’t help. 

Now I’m older, in and out of jobs because my BPD doesn’t make me comfortable in certain environments, (I now work in a hospital which is 1000% better) im in a relationship (nearly a year) and everyday I have around 4 meltdowns (to myself) if that’s anger, random rage, sobbing etc ... my main question really is.. and I feel like I hate my boyfriend, then I love him, then I feel empty and like I can’t be in a relationship due to my whole mind is CRAZY. I can’t stop thinking what if he’s doing this? Or he’s looking at her or literally everything you can over think, I do. It’s driving me insane, I just want to know if anyone else is out there? Feeling the way I do? Do they get these outburst? 

Will I ever out grow this constant cycle?; it makes me dread wanting to grow up. I hate that I cant pick or choose how I feel, or when I’m excited it’s so intense I feel like I’m going to be physically sick, or when I’m angry I just end up punching myself! I don’t really want to live this way forever

Please be open, I’m open to hearing peoples stories or strategies to help deal with Borderline rage ❤️ we’re not alone x 

",1.5129564553093964,3.3530944285714317,3.536093710211357,88.97891520244465,79.50420168067227,6.680213903743317,24.54367201426025,7.686295010490155,1.2050885154061626,1329,49,289,21,33,451,190,357,0.18600000000000005,0.69,0.124,-0.9816,1,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,1,4,17,21,7,1,11,0,27,3,0,4,5,60,59,27,1,7,13,0,7,4,0,3,2,1,0,2,15,18,0,1,13,0,0,8,8,12,0,1,9,9,47,9,38,44,4,60,0,1,1,1,19,24,1,11,30,182,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026235285474468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093814073547189,0.08929669660781125,0.0,0.07758303918070418,0.0,0.0,0.08188141496592785,0.0,0.0727676061143658,0.05312655853969918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707814822487594,0.0,0.0,0.3292916313429004,0.0,0.0889911124672102,0.099677747815188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417947895020094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056205309853020115,0.08984905351679236,0.0,0.08845662670152296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280363902193106,0.0980333622549939,0.07719008943681284,0.0,0.0971966179292654,0.0,0.15766648771571615,0.0,0.08327669999953449,0.07832587301456884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26439757165752953,0.1867824897641724,0.08367881271930701,0.09546987236530978,0.0,0.07413076051672589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553290147681074,0.0,0.0495300315637552,0.0,0.1394055414219462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581312813084489,0.0,0.0,0.09822572882736262,0.0,0.11683121562807755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827648801077024,0.0,0.08648411172029613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047896016648027034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031068351722134,0.0,0.07695610038537827,0.0,0.07318505279982601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865735458100125,0.0,0.11634819656232225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799786124061157,0.0,0.0,0.09262792617834546,0.0,0.0,0.06721637298897637,0.1683423311636984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041966408943554,0.0,0.0,0.0956658392531124,0.0823860474424729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762928200589924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116625721491874,0.0,0.0,0.18713553240399056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646049812597672,0.0,0.0,0.18183540320339656,0.0,0.0,0.07209236770982927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768584656733186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959905556308303,0.07286229998757554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953292602809435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700488279620315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116859313369218,0.0,0.06918831261326511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421209548896192,0.13835312140644251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864039647026398,0.09730119499316182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344710670261289,0.0,0.0,0.061909707244586935,0.09528614867181497,0.0,0.11224502226784708
bpd,DogManInTheNight,2018/12/26,"Help me to rationalize my irrational distrust of my girlfriend Currently a 29yr male who has been dealing with BPD for over a decade. My romantic life has been the same story of intense love, fear of abandonment, distrust, drinking and outbursts until we split up. I’ve been dating a beautiful girl for about a year now and I get that familiar feeling of all encompassing anxiety of her cheating on me. When I am rational I KNOW she is not the type to cheat on me and she loves me deeply, but I am always suspicious. If she even sounds slightly tired or muffled when saying I love you back to me on the phone I instantly think she is with another man and trying to be quiet about it, and I will spend the next four hours pacing in a jealous rage trying to bring myself down. She has never cheated on me nor given me any indication that she is in fact doing so. I am afraid that my emotions are going to become a self fulfilling prophecy and she will not be able to handle me anymore.
This girl has inspired me to quit drinking and pursue my old passions in life instead of sink into further depressions, how can I cope with such intense feelings?",6.528054298642534,6.749735923076925,6.897918552036202,75.88678733031676,65.33484162895928,9.695927601809958,34.64705882352941,9.466822959209583,3.2305221719457013,913,39,164,16,13,297,137,221,0.142,0.725,0.133,-0.3416,1,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,1,11,16,7,2,10,0,20,9,0,1,3,28,31,16,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,5,6,12,2,1,5,2,1,2,4,11,0,1,4,5,34,5,33,23,2,27,0,2,0,4,24,13,0,2,12,129,40,1,0.15978617180197022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295489514258224,0.0,0.0,0.10866007612664387,0.1675497331473364,0.12223598407452238,0.0,0.1584649466023843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286570310394787,0.0,0.0,0.17647127299332802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012450898044653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473252694057205,0.13762359563606585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130592342700001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973793664646026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553725949592434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980386647727195,0.16158537900070225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348167983549525,0.0,0.09081016370883384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071013028109144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735719275169896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781430125296302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22572339716446105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326397755598138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232369461987115,0.0,0.1699344064459918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766870837894654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995226218005152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270683771642576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669182525865453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238452700786543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365069899093467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696864402750649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028970558450427
bpd,poppypoppypoppyx,2018/12/26,"Is my overwhelming fixation of the coming deaths of my loved ones an extension of my fear of abandonment? Day and night, I panic over the idea of losing my loved ones. Be it my mother, my siblings, or even my cat. I lost my dad when I was 11 and ever since, I have been treating each interaction with a person as if it is my last. I’ve also been taking ridiculous attempts at ensuring their safety such as monitoring my mother’s health very, very closely and encouraging her to rest rather than clean the house. My mother is fairly healthy but I still worry. I always panic when she leaves the house to go to the supermarket because I worry something might happen and I often jokingly plead for her not to go but deep down, I am tormented by the idea of losing her.

But yes, of course, I rarely express these thoughts to loved ones. I work around them to attempt to manipulate situations in order to ensure their safety. I don’t openly beg unless it’s being covered up as a joke and I haven’t disclosed my obsessive fear to them at all.

I do have diagnosed BPD but I was wondering which criteria/element of the disorder this falls under because that might help me heal from it better.",5.578093158660842,6.448149895196508,6.440855895196509,76.07645123726348,67.51528384279476,9.425443959243085,29.677147016011645,9.558583805096642,2.7102940902474524,942,33,171,19,15,312,137,229,0.146,0.6970000000000001,0.158,0.4908,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,7,10,19,1,6,10,1,17,6,0,1,2,31,28,18,1,2,9,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,8,11,0,1,4,2,0,4,3,11,0,3,6,0,36,8,34,18,3,23,0,5,0,3,20,11,0,6,7,132,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302403735689824,0.0967906540586475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355277341682123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181972083004507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102878877945579,0.0,0.0,0.14650565402181198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020258531196796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501917658156884,0.0,0.0,0.11806612783889665,0.0,0.0,0.13331706165033885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683072039741767,0.10522146496364797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617930512441133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221890222431973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286468198335616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364667548155454,0.0,0.0,0.07796933793588136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268443911358222,0.0,0.2626306432264945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481935782923252,0.0,0.12317002432212955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602729778470961,0.12698108220823373,0.0,0.3149600983349512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24680217019514056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916193182125544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647189073036354,0.0,0.0,0.27296164561448505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156938603434353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622418375683887,0.13075273575490146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895516831996286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289627355228948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746096124405607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234804069025908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195850384169105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614811297968292,0.08468505402354254,0.2362647695641223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,theRatFam,2018/12/26,"music 2:30, drunk rambling... i’m going to start singing again next year. i don’t want to leave it behind, i want to be a singer, i want to write again, to create again, even if i hate what comes out of me for now. it runs through my veins whether i like it or not so i’m going to accept that and work with it. going to study, save up for a microphone and recording software, start covers again. going to start learning piano. going to teach my love to love music again too. it’s all gonna happen, just got to stay motivated (one of many bpd curses?)... lots of love to everyone here, hope your christmas wasn’t awful ❤️ ",0.796029246344208,3.0217708582677214,2.2565185601799773,95.04167322834644,84.51181102362204,4.573453318335209,17.732845894263214,5.773587663045528,-0.4555799775028122,477,11,104,3,14,154,83,127,0.07400000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.23399999999999999,0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,11,8,1,0,2,1,3,5,1,1,1,21,25,6,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,3,2,0,7,3,1,0,1,2,0,9,7,22,21,2,21,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,4,12,63,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073691194672322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183017046829746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874883254999557,0.0,0.0,0.15732877158719186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678679043864613,0.0,0.13168450829874853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455981932546415,0.0,0.0,0.1625563829046746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635331880915632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743390701128497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043897820785773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997833263595658,0.44580530830098736,0.0,0.0,0.16692781489055275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510562998645726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157013720031657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496173316241533,0.1754934763423202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913419905844099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986612531883913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060282856445806
bpd,teacupunicorn,2018/12/26,"Feeling helpless this holiday Christmas is normally pretty difficult for me. I don't really have a relationship with my parents and my BPD seems to kick into high gear because I am sensitive and sad. 

I keep taking out my emotions and aggression on my boyfriend. Hes not very good at showing affection or emotion - so sometimes when I am at my worst I am a bit sensitive to how he is. He isn't doing anything wrong and honestly he does his best to support me even though he can't understand what I am coping with.

​

I just feel defeated. I feel like there is no point in me trying to maintain a relationship and be ""normal"" when I am so fucking angry and upset.

​

I hate Christmas. ",4.848134328358206,6.432063216417912,6.1031641791044775,75.17280597014927,69.82089552238807,9.240597014925372,35.04179104477612,9.642632912329526,3.706972537313433,557,29,96,13,10,187,87,134,0.213,0.622,0.165,-0.8178,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,9,15,3,1,3,0,15,1,0,2,0,23,25,13,0,2,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,10,0,0,0,3,20,5,13,24,3,10,0,3,0,1,9,8,1,2,3,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915164203120471,0.3269261608949733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107029384450596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200543266619786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117610334522993,0.0,0.1468668904524803,0.0,0.16943002673796995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772408042398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026459273259904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885275519328363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406024647225848,0.09610496964611252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436656071300092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283351949125812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281597748366186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213346663001905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957235286450275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572231325255684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26361265089560576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493745320397536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716998149107195,0.0,0.0,0.13686069029156558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618041327551894,0.0,0.0,0.2888598607519634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224668679249071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330490562615588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265782496712846,0.0,0.0,0.10114635575704653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217051836058852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133391327609383,0.0,0.0,0.14004568133111034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109975401824296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708240216781196,0.3269261608949733,0.0
bpd,mr-throwaway-person,2018/12/26,"I'm scared for my future, I just want to do my stuff I want to get into investing, i want to learn to fly, i want to own firearms, but I don't know when I'll be stable enought to do all these things. I feel like I'm wasting time not getting more stable faster, I swear every time something bad happens around me or read something unfair on reddit I cry while trying to sleep and want to get a car and start running people over. I will never do it, but just the fact I'm feeling it angers me, every day I'm like this is another day I'm not doing the stuff I like",2.2574499089253197,3.1261568032786857,3.721256830601092,92.52693078324226,75.22950819672131,6.077959927140255,22.571948998178506,5.82211442006289,0.1709970856102001,438,11,101,2,9,145,72,122,0.185,0.643,0.17300000000000001,-0.8198,0,0,2,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,0,8,1,1,0,3,23,26,7,0,5,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,1,1,2,4,3,0,0,0,2,14,3,13,24,3,16,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,13,60,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861475683702906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314773553491278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342628252974994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663327792775088,0.207407776634226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270964982344317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626124904935769,0.11487687141274143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520369841490109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219654198121606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837248961513708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23567897964891396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402029729501908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147975366159513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084536196415908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099070065641208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609179758713366,0.0,0.0,0.24758623531534255,0.0,0.0,0.11381637473735115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681592859351911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682960179455622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752969989080345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091738985993709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742254770814429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IsItOkForMeToGoHome,2018/12/26,"Anyone else's family growing up not really celebrate holidays, birthdays, or receive any gifts, but as an adult your parents attempt to rise to these occasions? *Just seems backwards from how it should have been.* 

​

As a toddler, I cried to my parents when my neighbor told me Santa isn't real.... they took that as ""now we don't have to buy the kids presents,"" since I was the youngest and last to find this out. They would say, ""We buy stuff for you all year, today is just another day,"" so we never did anything for Christmas, birthdays, or other holidays. It made me feel left out from my friends and classmates since my family didn't celebrate anything. I felt down especially when I was asked if I got presents. At a young age I had learned to list off items I already owned, which made me believe I wasn't technically lying about what I ""got"" since I got it a while back. 

​

So now that my siblings and I are all adults and moved out on our own, our parents have been trying to do more traditional holiday stuff. It's nice but weird at the same time, and I can't help getting the impression as if they're doing it to make up for causing us to ""miss out"" as children. Quite honestly, as I grew older, I developed a strong hate for holidays because of how my parents belittled them. Now that they're attempting to make holidays a thing for us, it feels too late for me to change my perspective on them and I feel awkward even trying.

​

Anyone else have mixed feelings like this about holidays? Or a childhood without enjoyment of holidays/birthdays? Possibly never spent time together as a family in the past but are attempting to now?

​

​",6.7773103104765084,7.225071290220826,6.625359455420887,77.27844429686205,64.8044164037855,10.206807238917484,36.2425701477669,10.064110947511567,3.6538113564668775,1337,62,243,28,19,422,169,317,0.13699999999999998,0.77,0.092,-0.9213,4,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,7,2,4,5,17,11,1,1,13,0,22,0,0,7,4,48,42,28,0,4,12,4,5,1,2,2,0,1,1,4,18,13,0,0,8,6,3,6,9,4,0,0,17,6,39,7,45,23,7,45,0,1,0,0,28,15,0,6,25,177,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587637983882717,0.0,0.0,0.3724973869854613,0.4177436747480994,0.046757931574726116,0.07209896437708993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615465968005844,0.14090179597290314,0.11316427461137545,0.0,0.06427963223979684,0.0,0.0,0.052870809071762885,0.0,0.04191435851753772,0.0,0.0,0.07746694205303369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063360832741185,0.0727370550965983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552765043827303,0.04434334864752034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487730096676035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541414044605602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445732557661585,0.0,0.13906484081577794,0.04912086946069648,0.06601865155669819,0.0,0.06284374612362828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312241220799155,0.0,0.03592331988560188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497663324431086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678844841873758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04608716988712672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604710734439944,0.07756224077333658,0.0,0.07470598189783037,0.0,0.0,0.03359178179673285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301213364415199,0.09179326042619544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730790815985946,0.0,0.0,0.10606112020612908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053913618034907,0.0,0.06563747890184754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775145356698491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313280580369684,0.0,0.07826188092904986,0.044048261459982425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467927776742078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259487989800384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063247251240382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742336993310524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045679890649481567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018691486855767,0.0,0.06517473078625836,0.06570140351420711,0.07639288647535751,0.09336460430485252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541528931218974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628044797639596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884385016632233,0.0,0.4177436747480994,0.04427802434848047
bpd,nineloup,2018/12/26,Merry Christmas bitch Merry Christmas to all the sarcasm-loving people out there. Merry Christmas to all of us who talk before thinking it over. I’m really drunk rn. So merry Christmas to all of u who had a witty pun to add mid-sentence that wasn’t well received by family. Merry fucking Christmas my lovebirds.,3.0957881773399016,6.073879465517244,4.324187192118227,78.81810344827588,81.93103448275863,4.693596059113301,27.25123152709359,6.1826913282559595,1.607785221674877,251,11,36,2,7,82,43,58,0.092,0.625,0.28300000000000003,0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,9,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,0,0,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294697125756257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650077638717984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579504166461586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684284198374456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480434826038037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112082214406243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480953719178765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657412469523566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34812982408979554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,autumngarden846,2018/12/26,"What if I'm really not worth loving? It's just so hard, living like this sometimes. I don't even know what it's like to be really loved. No one thinks of me, no one puts me first, or even second, third, or anywhere on the list in anything. Mostly I'm not even taken into consideration at all. I'm in physical pain and still expected to serve them, I get insulted and called stupid for doing something so small and unimportant, I get told I'm worthless because I can't be what they want.  What if they're right? What if the reason no one loves me is because I don't deserve it? I try, I try to be good, and honest, and kind, but right now I don't even know why I try. Right now I just know I don't want to live through another Christmas here. I don't even want to finish this one. I hurt, I just hurt so bad. I don't know what it's like to not be lonely. ",2.0103959627329218,3.006804092391306,3.772670807453419,91.42326086956524,76.01086956521739,6.9962732919254655,21.838509316770182,7.447530270364453,0.5192248447204975,659,16,156,8,14,222,90,184,0.191,0.675,0.134,-0.9167,0,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,1,15,17,2,0,2,0,13,4,0,1,1,31,32,14,0,7,12,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,7,0,1,1,13,8,0,7,2,1,20,9,14,26,2,15,0,4,0,3,8,9,0,6,8,102,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297414327990645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650818039106247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097920586697272,0.14298075913719782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197519392068033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872985598612632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975493148289384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254377090902188,0.0,0.0,0.09836557011198983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505628781015447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510928320442528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221249386604148,0.25780735693110635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718854337252346,0.0,0.20711376674469775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175385883873305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31787709309957396,0.0,0.12478996483940455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789480233229507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502600560995546,0.12057929146808335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30045926733341805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028481773166858,0.11598899273051927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365678930817084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514574483290279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206227272821148,0.0,0.23886817916704425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751732360635855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058233762475538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uglycrouton,2019/05/10,"Can you help me by letting me know how accurate/inaccurate these are? Hey guys! One of my college classes is a course where we've been exploring how mental illness is represented in literature. We have a lot of creative freedom with our final projects, and I've chosen to write one poem depicting each of the nine diagnostic criteria for BPD.

​

I have all nine poems below and they're based mostly on the past understanding I've gained from browsing this community and from reading articles online. Bits and pieces are also from my own old journal entries because I identify with a few of the symptoms though I have not been diagnosed with BPD itself.

​

If you can spare a few minutes, I'd really like feedback from someone with BPD so I can make sure these are as *accurate* and as *respectful* as possible. The titles for each poem are in bold and are just the name of the symptom/criteria.

​

Thank you!

​

(Also, side note, I'm not super great at poetry objectively but compared to the rest of my class I'm at least decent. I'm not majoring in English, poetry, OR psychology so cut me some slack if you can)

 \--------------------- 

**fear of abandonment**

I don’t think he loves me anymore

and it hurts me and it confuses me

and I don’t know what to think

and I don’t know what to do.

​

Everything was fine this morning

but I must have done something wrong

but I don’t know what it was

and I don’t know what to do.

​

I must not be good enough

and there must be someone else 

and I must have managed to mess this up even though I tried so hard to get it all right

and maybe he’s never loved me at all.

​

He’s at work and I know he’s at work

because I check his location like I need it to live

but he won’t text me back

​

and I don’t think he loves me anymore.

​

**unstable relationships**

I love him.

He puts the sun in my sky

and the beat in my heart

and the smile on my face

and I want to get married

and we’ll have our six kids

and we’ll build our house in the country

and we’ll be together forever

because he’s perfect.

​

But maybe this isn’t working?

He’s just too plain

too boring

too insensitive

too confident

and I deserve better, don’t you think?

We don’t have *that* much in common, after all.

​

Maybe I’ll love him again on Tuesday.

​

**unclear or shifting self-image**

I don’t know who I *really* am.

​

Am I the happy me?

The outgoing me?

The me who has so many dreams and plans and talks to everyone about all of them all the time?

​

Or am I the sad me?

The quiet me?

The me who feels unsure and unsafe and bland and boring and *quiet?*

​

And then sometimes I start to think

“This is not me  
 This is NOT ME

If I’m not me, then who am I?

WHO AM I?

​

What’s the point of living a life that’s not mine?”

​

**impulsive and self-destructive behaviors**

I’m not usually much of a drinker, you know.

But sometimes there’s nothing better

than to take shot after shot and let myself lose control

because it makes me feel alive.­

​

And casual sex? Disgusting. I’m better than that.

But sometimes I’ll flirt a little extra and go places I usually wouldn’t

because it makes me feel *alive.*

​

I’m usually great with my money—ask me about my Roth IRA and laddered CDs—

but tomorrow’s plane ticket to Argentina

reached my credit limit and now I can’t pay for a place to stay 

​

when I get there.

​

**self-harm and/or suicidal behavior**

Yesterday I wanted to die.

I wanted to end 

my existence 

and dive

down

into

the

void

where no one but God can see.

Where maybe, maybe, He finally will.

​

Yesterday I wanted to die because I don’t see the point 

and everything hurts and it always, always comes back 

and God, oh, God, why can’t you see?

​

I don’t want eternal life

because eternal life

means I can never

​

ever

​

escape.

​

**extreme emotional swings**

The energy, the excitement—

it scares me in a way.

​

Wheels are turning, ideas are brewing—

I’m amazed at how much there is to learn in such a small amount of time.

​

The world is joyful.

I’m joyful.

​

But so often I feel a crash after too long of soaring too high 

and then the world grows dark and I’m trapped in my cage and I don’t know how to escape

or how to claw my way back up to the surface, at least.

​

The Crash. The Switch.

​

Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up soaring close—too close—to the sun.

or maybe

​

I’ll be in the depths of hell

​

again.

​

**chronic feelings of emptiness**

I lie in my bed and I scroll,

and I scroll,

and I scroll—

I put my phone down and I look,

and look,

and look around my room—

​

Searching for something,

for anything,

in my mind or in the space around me

To make me *feel*

or to make me *do something*

or to fill up the emptiness that never seems to go away

and always leaves me here 

scrolling

​

and scrolling

​

​

​

​

and scrolling.

​

**explosive anger**

If he would just THINK 

or just LISTEN

or just CARE ABOUT ME

it would have been FINE!

But he only thinks about HIMSELF

​

I had to show him

I had to tell him

and maybe I didn’t need to do it by throwing the vase

(at his head)

and maybe I didn’t need to raise my voice

(and wake the neighbors)

​

But he needed to know

how ANGRY he makes me

when he doesn’t do everything RIGHT

​

**feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality**

I feel like mist—

floating, unsure.

I look in the mirror

and I stare in her eyes

and I wonder how she got here

and why she feels so 

​

far away.

​

I reach out my hand through the thick, warm glass

but I don’t know what toward

and I don’t find anything

​

or anyone.

​

​

​

Hello?

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bpd,drallace,2019/05/10,"i feel like my own worst enemy i’m very grateful to have a partner who has understood the way i work and tries his hardest to do right by me even when i push him away.

my problem is that once the switch flips, i cannot stop myself. i get consumed with rage until i’m shaking and my chest is heavy and i just want to scream and punch and cause harm, i’ll say or do anything to break you just because i want you to hurt, almost like that’s my end goal. there have been a few times where i’ve lashed out like this and somewhere inside i want to stop and i can’t, it’ll turn into an angry cry and i try to make it stop but i’m just so furious that i keep spewing out mean things and sometimes it ends with me becoming immediately suicidal. i feel like a psychopath or like i don’t deserve love. it’s been a good amount of time, maybe 2 months or so since it’s happened last, but i just feel so awful everytime i look back. i don’t want to be an abusive partner, i wouldn’t label myself as one, but in those moments i question if i should even allow myself to be in a relationship. does anyone else get these types of episodes? any tips on how to manage them?",3.1518794835007187,3.809607569105694,4.251903395504545,90.35223098995701,72.90243902439025,7.089048302247728,25.03969392635103,7.048011613610866,0.7929782879005258,906,26,207,8,17,296,145,246,0.175,0.688,0.13699999999999998,-0.9516,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,2,15,15,2,1,9,1,18,2,1,4,0,47,38,23,1,8,11,0,3,5,2,3,0,2,0,2,13,14,0,4,6,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,3,6,33,7,24,30,4,26,0,1,1,1,12,9,0,6,18,130,46,4,0.0,0.14729247366605966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448311531854288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453819135393277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692365921505882,0.12737499915959288,0.10230032402349153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167976594730941,0.0955902543978629,0.0,0.0757810266942652,0.1372957094875804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277053388740808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655375142203496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878854474777666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038488971205972,0.0,0.22021167524987412,0.0,0.0,0.16421724254707049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857159193462408,0.17762075105069425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298984958607138,0.0,0.0,0.1042691889375208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993099077693816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308135110421182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049652894589262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133299155765756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036691724604364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439295509232936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121987806296344,0.0,0.0829809612355222,0.0,0.12489072534526853,0.13541504415401587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922672818797408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239099247539227,0.08423879067028693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895228374407354,0.0,0.0,0.13926080343228814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346735763013193,0.0,0.1061639896898524,0.0,0.09885996003928528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283432226819128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295031873369976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117977176841589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597999600701485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258909679486216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497768667131966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880290719861832,0.13521858764320824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257256479337673,0.2932958893141903,0.09867514360733426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905025098343557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Logic512,2019/05/10,"I'm the devalued FP of someone who is very likely a pwuBPD and I don't know how to help! Hello everyone.  

I (40M) was devalued and quasi-discarded 4 weeks ago after I refused a sexual advance from a very close friend of mine (26F).  She's currently receiving therapy for PTSD including EDMR for childhood sexual abuse and later an abusive marriage.  Having already known about Cluster B related issues with past friends showing NPD traits it became obvious right away that she's hits 8 of the 9 DMS-IV criteria for BPD and the last one, self-harm, might be happening without my knowledge.  It's very obvious at this point that I am/was her FP until that incident but I was a little blindsided by the whole event and without knowing she was likely a pwuBPD I probably just triggered an avalanche of abandonment issues with how I turned her down.  

Just yesterday, after a week of ignoring a text I sent asking her if she wanted to hang out soon, she heard from a mutual friend that I had expressed concern that she's avoiding me now and proceeded to send me a 25+ text-chain of rage over how bad a friend I've been to her for talking about her behind her back.  I was accused of creating drama in her life and lying about saying I care about her and lying that I believe she's my best friend.  She went from cold shoulder to rage so fast it made my head spin. This was just too much verbal abuse for me and I told her I need to go take care of myself and step away from our friendship.  Currently she's blocked everywhere because I just can't take any more verbal abuse from someone I care about but I know blocking her wholesale like that is probably doing more damage to her.

She knows she has severe trauma/damage from her upbringing that causes her to hurt the people that love her but I don't think she understands that she likely needs to ask for a BPD diagnosis from her therapist (which is a dicey prospect anyway since some therapists refuse to treat it).  **What, if anything, can I do to get her the kind of help I wholeheartedly believe she needs... and maybe even point her towards DBT in the long run?**  I know she's acting this way to feel like she rejected me instead of the other way around and I'm not angry at her for it (BPD sounds utterly miserable to live with, especially undiagnosed) but I feel like there's very little I can do until she splits me back the other way again.

​

Help!",5.618329779673061,6.3149662878464845,6.030667377398722,79.67036496090977,67.3582089552239,9.494271499644633,30.55870646766169,9.558583805096642,2.7115799004975125,1915,70,363,38,30,617,239,469,0.165,0.688,0.147,-0.9075,2,3,0,0,3,0,48.0,1,0,0,2,24,28,2,2,23,0,22,4,2,6,2,63,55,24,0,6,13,0,2,6,5,1,1,3,0,0,23,18,0,7,11,2,0,10,6,10,0,1,12,6,69,18,64,40,6,53,0,5,0,1,60,17,0,4,29,245,92,0,0.0,0.3405288018967542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369196128599458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928984450705444,0.0,0.0,0.07785099910169313,0.0873073572696541,0.04886143925035249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591276083331143,0.06396300996239937,0.13434278377778006,0.0,0.135013575557468,0.11049863578539014,0.059992946447897676,0.0437999674803656,0.0,0.0,0.16190392327281014,0.07540364747169498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714830988647217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197719779082656,0.0738112154684901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745719474279248,0.0,0.0,0.06865712464936234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266048820530907,0.10266135811600537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756119972766,0.0,0.037539408890578094,0.0,0.04083482595946527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353798610488658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374030078495061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448150564968873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691844654103512,0.0,0.0,0.14998845975056524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482221208148837,0.19743834621388145,0.058568508880461514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075079298251156,0.21061788881089186,0.14402802654053706,0.06344613291253487,0.06358625836915932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484872477039895,0.06798756447931309,0.0,0.0,0.0721844232962338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622301725995702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281907158106434,0.15983078443842128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868839144697296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859032424869839,0.04981273764071062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358456597981851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493599755901089,0.0,0.0839904817318123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061360732347445164,0.0,0.05713914450249352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749567162451949,0.08117166912062057,0.0,0.059436248988601635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175897432026705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080466732234493,0.057751461248558365,0.0,0.0,0.08216837709664934,0.16685010646408188,0.0,0.04603949789930453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865712464936234,0.0,0.0,0.07815372791672248,0.0,0.07479987713785542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371398329269445,0.04237983758756135,0.17109697254004272,0.11526977325169124,0.0,0.0,0.06660699949346041,0.0,0.08021956049188747,0.0,0.13852443738274106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873073572696541,0.0
bpd,teenwith666,2019/05/10,TW I guess idk!!! How do I stop feeling suicidal every time im feeling unappreciated or not receiving attention. It is really affecting me right now,3.8288888888888906,6.826619296296298,7.58666666666667,56.700000000000045,78.25925925925927,12.488888888888884,34.925925925925924,11.20814326018867,6.1123925925925935,119,7,18,6,3,45,24,27,0.35700000000000004,0.551,0.092,-0.865,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,5,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078992217408887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695552010827578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402573700595193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947382437163592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23411041965314364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120840272524964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055244617541919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39973238480979856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309118303821964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JaronK,2019/05/10,"Should I tell someone? I got out of a relationship recently with someone, and it's become very clear to me that the have the wrong diagnosis (PTSD, whereas they seem to have BPD).  To be clear, I'm a crisis counselor, and PTSD is a speciality of mine, and I've also consulted with professionals on the topic.  I am not asking for a diagnosis here.

Given that this person often cried to me about the crises in her life, trying to understand why they kept happening and wondering if she might be the cause, and many times told me other things where she was confused and didn't understand what was happening, is there any way to tell her to consider going to a therapist specifically to ask about that?  Or is that a bad idea?  We had the usual issue (intense love followed by complete devaluation), so her opinion of me seems to be quite low (she's saying she needs to remove loved ones from her life, seeming to include me there, but also saying she really wants me to be her friend).  Is this even worth trying?",8.739010416666666,7.158550296875006,8.893541666666668,69.29729166666668,61.65625,12.075,35.39583333333333,10.980518767755715,3.742558333333333,795,27,146,17,9,263,118,192,0.068,0.873,0.059000000000000004,0.3086,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,2,1,11,8,0,1,12,0,17,4,0,1,2,32,38,12,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,10,10,0,1,7,0,1,3,2,4,0,1,8,2,23,4,26,24,0,12,0,1,0,2,26,5,0,10,3,108,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065266159926766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106190210051226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222876807429002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995292489597648,0.0,0.1316499818964351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013158787892913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245397626479855,0.0,0.0,0.12498172982209735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093853383836002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873223820719599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209568585952772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774562344054877,0.0,0.09533726323736036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082105186907146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456530314996534,0.0,0.12441661591475972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683927397714564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517012430792126,0.0,0.0,0.12085279609165105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264551936604634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838726815783073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077481305214455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408317212763446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27868308064502684,0.0,0.0,0.1267867107192449,0.0,0.0,0.07636428169326644,0.0,0.11769825426236068,0.12797905543698976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958949260729105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325552896935328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020000681035418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837677238768668,0.0,0.0,0.13840348548015682,0.07919295612708184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950803450778187,0.0,0.0,0.11390325791087146,0.0,0.16186157425971107,0.0,0.0,0.2481883632863082,0.0,0.0,0.1312848983433163,0.09835468528854854,0.07030882221779262,0.09461752969570253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756186738206168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927020896238384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032940507440915,0.0,0.0
bpd,kleesx,2019/05/10,"It's too much today Im breaking down... I feel so alone and in so much pain.. I haven't cut myself in months and I gave in today.. How do people live like this? How do people continue to bear this kind of pain everyday. I hate my brain, I hate myself, and I wish I could just end it all. I'm so so so tired. I'm so tired of the pain.",-2.1985526315789485,-0.4296184868421058,0.8818947368421064,102.27626315789476,95.71052631578951,4.092631578947368,11.547368421052632,5.6839178017228535,-1.4658589473684214,249,3,67,2,10,87,44,76,0.299,0.62,0.081,-0.9683,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,3,0,1,0,4,6,1,2,1,10,11,11,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,10,2,7,9,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,7,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719565611303893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853439077882666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325611005463976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470529175575751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394953849441372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32783965149097244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793404248620647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289424633712108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111366072108774,0.0,0.1466071508413939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325232176103016,0.0,0.2441016729975544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300015007091609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302079955347957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816531302475939,0.31475323533442123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909258100352103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NeverHadAnyone,2019/05/10,I constantly feel like people are manipulating or insulting me It’s so annoying because I get defensive and end up not trusting people. I was wondering if anyone else gets this?,5.245520833333334,8.06846334375,7.376250000000002,61.17708333333337,71.8125,11.766666666666666,35.666666666666664,11.20814326018867,5.6331541666666665,145,8,21,6,3,51,29,32,0.309,0.594,0.09699999999999999,-0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,6,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386647361708487,0.3280463816909495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951693171493671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459841010115238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674563703064166,0.0,0.2835707311028591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188479903697234,0.2287255940327945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345454903659145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641621026731709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439235255156824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34720476004081985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MaudlinEdges,2019/05/10,"Splitting. Look it up, darlings. I've seen a number of posts, questions or venting, that are basically talking about splitting but with phrasing that indicates the post author isn't aware of splitting.

Splitting is a bpd term for our act of going from love to hate or vice versa.  I encourage you, if you've never heard of splitting, to look it up and familiarize yourself.  Splitting is a very big part of your disorder and worth knowing about.

Good luck, darlings.
Maud",4.6619117647058825,7.355029941176473,4.6572794117647085,80.59650735294119,73.11764705882355,6.602941176470589,32.97794117647059,7.645422480735847,2.5922058823529412,375,19,61,5,8,116,60,85,0.08199999999999999,0.65,0.268,0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,11,12,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,4,4,4,14,10,2,9,0,0,3,1,8,3,0,5,2,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30676230782807146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791472436867621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384239258738364,0.2042912434466677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047057392217625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385726697154293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090674689272438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198274355213652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878527822086609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637577760125435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665369748563886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728491799587269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576877831955528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096710273357046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FriendlyLadySometime,2019/05/10,"Tips on dealing with paranoia? People are out to get me.
Spying on me.
Plotting together against me in elaborate ways.

How to cope?",1.18375,3.269539875000006,2.507000000000001,85.63800000000003,108.58333333333334,5.253333333333334,29.8,6.742157984588678,2.4663100000000004,103,6,17,2,5,33,20,24,0.09300000000000001,0.907,0.0,-0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6591237023711557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340248274901137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432326344228813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074723552818343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ExExEx011010101010,2019/05/10,"BPD ex keep coming back. After 5 times, I'm done. How to I tell him? Hello, I need some help. I dated a guy (he's 31) for a 2 years. He's BPD. I don't know if I'm his FP or used to be but every 6 months or so he hit me up.           

4 times before we started talking and it went well. We hooked up. But our last break up was so bad. I needed therapy myself.           

5th times happened two weeks ago. We started talking but right away he saw I was different. Not easily manipulated like before or quick to fall for him. I said no a lot. Put my guards up. I agreed to see him this weekend but he started treating me like trash again and I'm no longer interested.         

The thing is, every time I said no he went into a rage and turned suicidal. He hates being rejected by me.            

It sucks. I think under all that BPD there's a good person but the abuse is too much and I just want to move on for good.            

How can I tell him it's over by avoiding the damages? Because I care about him but not enough to try again. I don't know how to handle the BPD side of him",-0.9473811864962299,1.0097576017699126,1.7195771878072783,97.64261389708295,90.23893805309734,4.587086201245493,15.89249426417568,6.037888025583468,-0.6930404457554902,782,17,193,7,27,269,132,226,0.22899999999999998,0.6659999999999999,0.105,-0.9886,1,2,0,0,2,0,28.0,4,0,0,0,14,15,3,1,9,0,10,0,0,5,1,39,37,19,1,4,13,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,9,0,3,3,1,0,6,7,7,1,1,8,4,30,8,24,26,5,37,0,2,2,0,29,11,1,6,21,117,36,0,0.0,0.12462911554738006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324172003469096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882642769064984,0.08088212903236669,0.08782655462018457,0.0641208752701867,0.0,0.17901237826680458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5299161900998219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724491663648833,0.0,0.0,0.09060908365824057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989778093676182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076425800460919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868604582003286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724877135043973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645133485351042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415143419585968,0.09301630837458058,0.0,0.0,0.10385015296222154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705044709357026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349482923889084,0.0,0.0,0.1156157896857558,0.08574125207669099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277787979460026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942602557886263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395907180406798,0.11179688397432154,0.07732437477846775,0.15598930597237304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184502543172172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574175100159652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982892206715858,0.20011340094276564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838202326507605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335519970755915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150572477512516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690902736423183,0.18387573676038899,0.0,0.12029023220918475,0.0,0.06988141234382997,0.06739943137233323,0.0,0.0,0.24534099284551886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141490838726394,0.11441299452778593,0.10275218458446178,0.0,0.0,0.09084759181399288,0.0,0.0,0.0620418789384021,0.0,0.0843744776341179,0.0,0.09457553361845654,0.19501836884039234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773682759026972
bpd,YOUR_BONES_ARE_WET,2019/05/10,I feel almost scared to tell people in my life when they’ve hurt my feelings because I don’t know if it’s my BPD or if I’m being treated badly and should put my foot down How can I cope with this? I hate it so much. It’s like I feel ashamed to have normal ass human emotions. I always feel like I’m being too sensitive or overreacting because that’s what my family always told me growing up. It’s really hard for me to know if I’m being emotionally abused or manipulated because I’m scared to speak up about shit in fear of look “crazy”.,4.354699248120301,4.406085622807018,5.9772180451127825,81.21552631578948,69.96491228070175,8.61954887218045,26.81203007518797,8.418075326091056,1.6213924812030078,427,12,91,6,7,147,72,114,0.307,0.637,0.055999999999999994,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,2,4,0,0,7,4,3,2,0,19,20,10,0,5,6,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,1,7,13,3,13,15,1,8,0,1,1,1,4,5,2,7,3,52,20,0,0.0,0.18959635064812733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023591561925266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662972567275204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360918251606313,0.2926382947884136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015383310533284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599996781426337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508516735832659,0.1800658649707876,0.3236416613996659,0.11431760686884003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334559468972252,0.15798563545451502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713036510330181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758845170764875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302615330494307,0.15635440282812593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437565970786086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763237835521795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567846465261103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093702758611047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086329436739005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251227008241866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204138727116755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425720582666525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986366070796666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290501369642606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,--InsufferableCunt--,2019/05/10,I don’t believe that my boyfriend loves me. I think it’s all a big plan he has to secretly try to destroy me I asked him to prove his love by eating one of my scabs and he wouldn’t do it. I asked him if he would eat my toenail clippings and he said no. Yesterday when I was sitting on his lap (because I always have to be sitting on top of him) he pulled a giant snot off of my shoulder that was sitting there  and I asked him to eat it to prove his love to me and he refused. All of this has led me to believe that he doesn’t really love me and is secretly conspiring behind my back to destroy my life.,1.2690909090909095,2.5803337878787893,3.214242424242425,93.39136363636364,78.54545454545455,6.315151515151516,24.87878787878788,6.980632752743323,0.7849606060606059,468,17,111,5,11,158,67,132,0.08199999999999999,0.789,0.13,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,2,0,2,0,12,11,2,1,4,17,21,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,5,3,1,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,3,1,25,4,18,15,2,14,0,0,0,4,25,6,0,1,3,77,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304199820433749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43959136837862617,0.0,0.0,0.12052315016591945,0.0,0.09554706300901597,0.0,0.0,0.3531839233736563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811515129803852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070988162334323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658547755286987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062108735006926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004114618954162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909534257182044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043246741359434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641596395415433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134338194611346,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yagirlkelp,2019/05/10,"I need help with being less dependent in a relationship I’ve been dating someone for over a year and a half and he’s the best thing to ever happen to me. I honestly have no idea what I did to deserve him but ever since we met I’ve been incredibly stable in most aspects (by this I mean I haven’t done anything risky, compulsive, harmful, etc.). I haven’t self harmed or had serious suicidal thoughts, and I haven’t even had a bad manic episode since we met (I’m bipolar as well).

It’s all wonderful, but I’m overwhelmingly dependent. I can’t make even the simplest decisions by myself. I get worried when he doesn’t text or reply. Today I left my necklace from him at home and it caused a ridiculous amount of anxiety. I’m extremely insecure in myself and the decisions I make. I’m worried I’ll do something wrong and it’ll make others unhappy. Obviously as a part of my borderline this is likely all due to my fear of him abandoning me. 

I’m incredibly worried this fear might become a reality because of my dependency on him. I went awhile without seeing my therapist (she was on maternity leave) and it was a rough few months in the relationship. Eventually I got back into going and things are better. He later told me that during that time he felt helpless and considered a breakup. That scares me so much. 

Recently his friend and girlfriend have broken up (sort of) so he has to be there for him which I totally 100% understand and support. I feel like I’m doing well but I know I still have these tendencies even when I don’t realize. Last night he just hit a breaking point and told me I needed to start being more independent (and he’s totally right, I completely agree and none of this is against him). He was so distraught. But even today I still struggled making decisions, even when he clearly put me in situations where I had to choose something, I still struggled (for example having me pick where to eat). 

Anyway, I just need advice on how to fix or manage this part of myself. I’m terrified of him leaving but I also wouldn’t blame him if he did because I know this is a huge flaw of mine. Any advice or experience anyone can give would be so much appreciated. Thank you.",4.379697014051523,5.873080133489466,5.752704186182673,77.58523894906327,70.85011709601874,9.178249414519906,29.971384660421553,9.595489714322824,2.8741077868852454,1735,71,326,41,32,584,222,427,0.196,0.695,0.109,-0.9917,0,0,2,0,0,0,47.0,2,1,0,2,28,26,1,8,15,0,37,2,0,11,8,73,74,35,1,6,13,0,3,2,2,4,1,0,1,1,19,18,1,1,14,0,0,3,10,16,2,1,19,4,55,10,41,46,16,43,0,3,1,0,34,18,0,12,23,235,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550872674811978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772351442325908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758951225784454,0.0,0.06478470247899339,0.0,0.0,0.059214552117685615,0.0,0.06968951748289633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511845166320923,0.07070943013248407,0.10324782907763036,0.09352924184740848,0.0,0.0,0.0888729302079664,0.07489805186228529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699604357148259,0.0,0.0,0.08879185751984478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666337334950171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665511286299188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444748606655523,0.2796721443631285,0.15320701192020733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828393424515943,0.0,0.19059101266286807,0.04281988148896401,0.06049983005347113,0.08131202161914937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542833923543419,0.0,0.044245038247427176,0.08123870878957921,0.048129112572602085,0.0,0.06773128125009319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488771689425264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676336710708304,0.0,0.08494715205069063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560039888561317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308262903345282,0.0690305466200667,0.0,0.17934089200385245,0.09201179169706708,0.0,0.0,0.08274678816594412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611475394515945,0.0,0.0,0.09224808598701427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983866325203516,0.0,0.0,0.06759570778327638,0.0,0.12450818547035447,0.1883812073654987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947225119679667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341377927941369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005582121760896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513301002036054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361739461978762,0.1818425472596778,0.0,0.0723215423427794,0.0,0.0,0.0847856484087874,0.0,0.06748392795253037,0.0,0.0883461640761899,0.0,0.0,0.1401065806576576,0.0951908241931514,0.0,0.0,0.07175433277959585,0.13039113074675507,0.0,0.0,0.059941320165063185,0.0,0.2028914988170731,0.0,0.0,0.17706478332500553,0.0,0.09263294519848192,0.09610088324103022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796766451014164,0.0,0.09832719214637738,0.11252348142436948,0.0,0.0,0.06723137420548322,0.04938119759811668,0.0,0.16054520938414413,0.16184256469908587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816130894639405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522861078988458,0.07850494526231565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163446377203097,0.09183855906048724,0.0,0.2580088058513611,0.0,0.060158638612538284,0.09259105296818396,0.0,0.05453512890951467
bpd,jjjjjjas,2019/05/10,"Does anyone have any help in coping with losing your Favourite Person? As a BPD, my FP was my entire life. I moved across country to be with him and now he’s decided I’m too much and he wants to be alone. He says he still loves me but he doesn’t want this relationship anymore. My worst fear as a BPD has come true and and my abandonment issues are really coming out and I’m getting severe suicidal thoughts and I just want somebody to help me with my emotions in the way I need, much like he used to help me. I feel terrible I drained him of love for me, it’s everything I was scared of. I’m scared to get up and go to work, I’m scared to be around other people, I’m scared to go to bed without him. I don’t know what to do and I can’t eat or sleep or stop crying. I just want to be alone or I find ways to be around him as much as possible just to look at him because he makes me feel safe. I’ve lost a favourite person before and i don’t remember getting through it as it took around 4 months and I was on strong meds the whole time. I’m scared I’m going to end it because I can’t cope. Thanks for any help.",0.14733606557377146,2.012266143442627,2.047547540983608,97.76630491803282,84.28688524590164,5.379409836065574,18.77639344262295,6.55674776486733,-0.2011198032786892,865,22,212,9,25,286,122,244,0.22899999999999998,0.619,0.152,-0.9787,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,4,9,18,0,6,5,0,17,5,1,2,1,45,49,19,1,5,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,7,19,1,3,7,0,0,7,6,11,0,0,6,4,29,7,38,38,5,25,0,3,1,2,23,10,0,3,7,121,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072208410286529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522714658327902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131280689220136,0.06438038027396703,0.0,0.0,0.24589651923969905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122550836029053,0.0,0.07834831247865992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231928314965808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862743947863175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113912050845113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057470133631901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421483265997213,0.0,0.10357101587509072,0.08155035994445411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275030102835224,0.0,0.0,0.10360900685062456,0.09311090449748896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415409688395813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431481548375055,0.0,0.15698356867655372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24686142370691494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961014816752905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050601539991083175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503468880107513,0.04498277448747079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731908904271012,0.1030074122160208,0.1005098015695208,0.0,0.16620101427943268,0.0,0.06146020413872218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102273614111259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349270097198829,0.0978602405550509,0.2030552636420836,0.06827180894405828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383261620975163,0.16079117705279675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379975967446184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058985052469358826,0.0,0.0,0.09885316973518336,0.10430205306320957,0.0,0.0,0.07322105257271252,0.4609113884272966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040175715587834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921406359241333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353052800398252,0.07697810475050179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071416610435902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476949855602807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309658323663364,0.053689172104725465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229775858755387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952249537479444,0.0,0.0,0.2172308558722948,0.14616833498256418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279749035934653,0.0,0.08875618632831017,0.0,0.06703107130440329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PriorAppearance,2019/05/10,Should I not have mentioned I have BPD? I posted in KindVoice last night and no one has offered to listen. I started my post by saying that I have BPD just to be transparent. I'm still waiting for someone to offer to listen.,2.721,4.696629488888892,4.0063888888888926,86.37625000000004,76.33333333333333,5.388888888888888,26.805555555555557,5.985473137389443,1.0555555555555554,177,7,33,1,4,58,33,45,0.055,0.945,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,7,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6613371652614155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140107347302666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463824451934831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779085489041292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502894639543011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878780304609926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224551047344223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583202071151328,0.0,0.20967026366529676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TwoFacedCherry,2019/05/10,"BPD Self Care Tips? Just recently, I learned about what a BPD episode looks like and I am so shook and so scared that I won't be able to move forward. I want to know what kind of self care rituals you all do after having an intense BPD episode? All feedback would be appreciated!",4.07357142857143,5.1852335000000025,4.409285714285716,88.3857142857143,71.14285714285714,7.742857142857144,30.07142857142857,8.07648339933343,1.7840142857142869,220,9,48,3,4,69,42,56,0.081,0.672,0.247,0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,9,12,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,5,8,2,5,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,29,8,2,0.1823395360564656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6889507876951746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718146186052237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987856763902372,0.1002090404258033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890818869914647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311928690179316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937980702482176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003829425022472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255368498177366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804398057641397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754858262058133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952877483764644,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whywasabicat,2019/05/10,"The Emptiness and Correlation to FP I find that when I have a FP, I just feel so much happier? It’s like, as long as I can think about them, my mood is immensely improved and my overall outlook is a lot better. But, when I don’t have someone I just feel so lost and worthless and empty. It’s like I have this void. But the feeling of being unloveable is always there because even if things are going great with an FP, I know that i’ll do something to screw it up and they’ll leave or reject me. I feel like I’m always the one initiating things and I feel like I have way more on the line/invested in my relationships. My friend just got into a relationship and I felt so jealous. I just want a healthy relationship but I either obsess over someone or I feel nothing towards them. Ugh this was a mess but I needed to let it out.",1.1959649122807008,3.4006711988304126,3.0892690058479566,89.8346052631579,82.62573099415205,5.671345029239768,22.950292397660817,6.937597516519254,0.7242187134502922,649,23,138,8,18,217,98,171,0.12,0.727,0.154,0.5586,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,2,12,17,2,1,10,0,15,1,0,0,0,35,30,21,0,3,12,0,7,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,4,7,24,7,15,23,4,12,0,3,0,1,7,7,1,4,7,103,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387507357802313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745566146242809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268841916848125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475806938082086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352449161767199,0.2049845581435924,0.13775004664172005,0.0,0.13112550401359885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108416271284638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153514535345394,0.0,0.11474302280914556,0.15817198754469247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884526934374225,0.0,0.0,0.15190998665614525,0.0,0.1467039055185405,0.0,0.28036134638735777,0.0,0.0,0.12696306882164984,0.0,0.0,0.1566103003551161,0.12196982941983901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546416147509803,0.1063783664633002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765968434453466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721640732828016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620870112625022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431168845716428,0.11044728678718607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062513151001606,0.09192734547089984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462007946813922,0.11387678856471023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PoutyPuff,2019/10/20,"I’m sorry I thought I loved you. I want to be different. I don’t want to keep proving the people that say I can’t work in relationships right. I want to know what loving someone really feels like. But I keep ruining everyone I supposedly love. 

I’m so tired of loving someone and knowing all the while “it’s only a matter of time before I ruin them too.”

I just want to be good. I want someone to be enough for me. I want to be normal. I hate that I can’t love you the way I should. 

And I don’t even know what’s real half the time or if I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I hate this so fucking much. I just want to be normal. 

I want to not get angry when we don’t speak every hour of the day.
I want to be okay when you’re happy without me. 
I want to be understanding when you’re not having a good day. 
I want to stop breaking up with you because I convinced myself in two minutes that we were over. 
I want you. 
I want me to be good enough for you. 
I want you to not have to put up with me. Not have to deal with me. Not have to tolerate me.

I just miss you. I thought I loved you but now I don’t know if I’m even capable of that. You tried so hard. And I just keep ruining it. 

I’m so sorry I left but I think it was for the best. You deserve so much better. I wish I was better.",-1.458911358911358,0.4780943146853147,1.5763428463428468,97.5284851634852,93.6153846153846,4.490493290493291,16.12133812133812,6.099015368709567,-0.5845472311472308,978,24,242,10,37,343,112,286,0.079,0.669,0.252,0.9884,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,10,1,4,17,23,3,0,8,1,22,8,0,0,2,61,66,18,0,20,17,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,8,0,4,11,0,0,1,12,7,0,2,5,5,56,16,33,52,6,21,0,4,0,7,23,7,1,3,12,169,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044732714490877776,0.0,0.06244229803164592,0.0,0.07700941411507127,0.1298000432477649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465006383380556,0.07565316046660357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666810593446355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164552374944004,0.0,0.09693564927503466,0.0,0.06182712454616662,0.07011921997616281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420783759971764,0.05242379716272216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678400646361107,0.038338833489118665,0.0,0.0,0.18464689892980085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811602923844382,0.06573545918264068,0.1448981855820982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226604954656693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567469182666847,0.0,0.0,0.16131433293316078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972927362345437,0.0,0.0,0.03585052085968058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973783073997236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788777182394683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379668596708964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055809978860110535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087353025752315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376873034543861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352427423297996,0.04701010282393989,0.0,0.0,0.07878432720115655,0.0,0.0626674465518695,0.0,0.05835595742003314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652785886469667,0.0,0.0,0.2464339271174527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061350265330236825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701993707543654,0.0,0.11651351487117464,0.08557874903939319,0.08434130197964683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982125858105694,0.0,0.0716831159425519,0.07639278612387898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6059527889269702,0.058246862293662764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438516612947326,0.07073719986469623,0.0,0.053422645611034734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dirtyhippiebk,2019/10/20,"Hopeless Having this disorder has completely destroyed what i saw my life to be. I see endless posts on here about how horrible the people’s lives are that have to deal with someone w BPD. Saying they wish they would’ve run away, their life was ruined, they hated their parents because of their BPD, etc. Warning people to run away from people like me...it’s heartbreaking. 
I didn’t fucking ask for this. I don’t want this to be my life...i don’t want to be known as the bitch with BPD. I don’t want my future kids to hate me...i don’t want my spouse to hate me. I think it’s best that i stay away from everyone. Not drag anyone through this shit storm that is my life. It’s bad enough that i have to deal with it, i don’t want to drag anyone else down with me. I don’t want to bring life onto this earth knowing it will have my DNA and potentially develop the disorder themselves. 
It seems like no matter what i do, i will always be breathing water into my lungs, drowning in my own tears and blood. The only reason I’m still alive is from the guilt of leaving my family and friends with the mess that was my life. If it weren’t for that, i would’ve been gone years ago. 
I don’t want to keep living like this. I don’t want this to be my life. Constantly being monitored, being judged, feeling absolutely awful for existing. I hate this life. I hate my brain. 
I hate me. So much. 
I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of relapsing. I’m tired of failing. I’m tired of being alive. Im tired of pretending to want to live because all i want is to die. I pray to a god, any god, that i don’t believe in to take me and save everyone around me. 
What a sad existence.",1.4822037572254343,3.316812838150291,3.0187825144508658,92.67765354046246,79.57803468208094,6.290317919075145,20.92810693641618,7.292943589461545,0.4642661849710983,1286,35,289,17,32,422,155,346,0.255,0.61,0.135,-0.9959,2,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,6,2,6,24,10,1,8,1,34,19,5,2,1,35,68,8,2,12,2,2,1,3,1,2,12,1,0,1,24,11,1,1,6,1,0,4,13,18,0,0,7,4,44,6,48,51,6,21,1,5,2,1,14,10,3,2,8,175,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918106962773826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055551881145661584,0.0,0.0,0.0454008980097536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336400799338544,0.06840623454582696,0.0,0.05943292167102504,0.062414074556731064,0.0,0.1881771495435189,0.0,0.05574403220154761,0.08139579541313888,0.0,0.0,0.07521865524903461,0.07006329246433611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522556984000458,0.07452920800280209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999937852062521,0.07214671730541555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333564678720371,0.0,0.13765874129889394,0.0,0.0,0.06928910034153657,0.0,0.15303158420648758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557716354121916,0.0,0.0,0.06898367429135589,0.07445801351792501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758916485769098,0.0,0.0,0.06293789387471138,0.0,0.03375720675608572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158066530023234,0.06172100312692905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395485827440026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211512904500159,0.0,0.0,0.0593417195324333,0.0,0.0,0.03669101179661295,0.0,0.0,0.0706920168935451,0.0,0.0,0.37725152782461335,0.0978505897046815,0.0,0.17685795508701593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049078236716174437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077601117003019,0.0,0.0,0.07413203280892378,0.0,0.0,0.1388544661747475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394017312355171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864313351406719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309234667915695,0.0,0.0,0.053201196019038215,0.0607782179936751,0.0,0.0,0.06853091081398573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656778494144307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116011222422984,0.053316746306154274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050197211406084484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277881660089476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836692809136959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937834647326551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677376385887599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485255592458808,0.0,0.0,0.04299296397031701
bpd,papi34hh,2019/10/20,I have DID. I don't have a BPD diagnosis. The parents mentioned taking an appointment for therapy. And I almost went into rage and I stopped myself. A part of me thinks they are dumping me in therapy. Anyone else? I see that part will love it for a while.,0.5910924369747903,3.0811448039215685,2.984761904761907,86.64000000000001,91.15686274509804,6.0515406162464975,22.97198879551821,7.447530270364453,1.3947400560224092,199,8,39,4,7,68,39,51,0.152,0.764,0.084,-0.3262,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,9,1,5,8,2,5,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,2,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241106924072662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649127516941472,0.2293170377684074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818774726278617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869622894628921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199483560332107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248511532323918,0.4847230144717145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834544991142876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871129328728416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827524421281018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118863287503091,0.0,0.0,0.14340668752324415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747161891537155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,BlackSabbathMatters,2019/10/20,"A fate worse than death? I don't particularly see the point of existing with this illness, beyond simply being scared of non existance, and saving my family from suffering. It is in my opinion objectively worse to live a life of constant psychic pain than it is to simply not live at all, it is to me like being a burn victim, for your entire life. The years go on and I am getting worse as I age, I have not had a positive thought or feeling in years. Ive ended up homeless and alone, lost everything dear to me from my insane, unstable behavior. I do not know weather to accept my illness or to fight it, I have fought it for so long but I cannot deny the reality any longer, it's defeated me. Where it came from is a mystery, part of me feels cursed by God although I don't even believe in God. I am a coward, for better or worse I do not know, because at this point it is the only thing keeping me from stepping off a tall bridge. I'm nearing the end of my rope and I have no one to tell so I am saying it here. I wish I could have a normal happy life but that is simply not available to us. Why live?",3.2830357142857127,3.989307160173162,5.109889069264066,84.14197646103895,72.63636363636363,7.852922077922077,26.991612554112557,8.07648339933343,1.5818937229437235,858,29,183,12,16,295,127,231,0.195,0.696,0.109,-0.9342,0,1,0,0,1,0,23.0,1,1,0,3,6,14,3,1,13,0,23,6,0,0,1,29,37,13,1,3,10,0,2,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,13,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,9,8,0,1,5,4,27,6,35,29,2,24,0,3,1,0,6,14,0,4,8,134,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288053188356497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457291465962735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758121530729304,0.0,0.0,0.14011751286994115,0.0,0.10999132133574488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224118563379426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439509862409185,0.0,0.09929586116889276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030212522514275,0.0,0.0,0.08214234665505785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177183762268643,0.0,0.11724087762270978,0.0,0.1257660306858467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064975925252812,0.0,0.07067987157143919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238955948631506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105419144064913,0.0,0.0,0.13669623049234347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26352943443765225,0.06075878037118995,0.0,0.3294514733879729,0.11005969707576986,0.0,0.0,0.13575981091196054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185194316946968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427339099982957,0.09458568988033447,0.13233383251647982,0.0,0.0,0.13467589231305427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351314977466571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989005658833236,0.12451172316120472,0.0,0.09910333072578456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087010699942671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826230195274061,0.0,0.0,0.09873244363786557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959657832639425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222066587400953,0.0,0.14301437336195855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506956936652179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601748173370894
bpd,eskimoa1a0,2019/10/20,"tell me all the things you love about your SO! with all the ups and downs BPD has, I know having an SO that loves you definitely helps hold you down. so gush to me!! tell me what you love about them! I want to hear it all.",-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,0.3133333333333326,107.065,91.5,4.033333333333334,10.083333333333334,5.46131890053228,-1.9978166666666668,168,1,46,1,6,52,33,48,0.0,0.657,0.34299999999999997,0.9676,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,3,8,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,3,8,8,3,3,0,0,0,3,13,3,0,0,0,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32755816056672965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931259345140748,0.0,0.17432428178560722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293164130275834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7041895492112074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546379161938003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727837519426473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340028572698286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,amazingaz,2019/10/20,"Getting diagnosed soon Hi y’all, so I finally found a place that is going to help me. I’ve bounced from place to place and if I wasn’t a Capricorn (lol) I probably wouldn’t have the perseverance to keep looking at clinics. it took three years of seeking help and getting rejected by clinics to find someone who said that was ridiculous and was here to help. Would’ve made me cry if I wasn’t on mood stabilizers. Anyways I thought I had bipolar II but she informed me of bpd. I’ve been doing my research and it really resonates with me. Sorry for the long winded intro but she gave me the option of deciding if I want to do DBT or go to a clinic that specializes in mood disorders to get diagnosed one way or another. I’m leaning to getting diagnosed but that makes me uneasy because I’ve heard of discrimination.  It’ll be hard time-wise with my job either way so idk if I should post pone it for later either. So those are my three choices. Thankyou if you read this far!

TLDR; DBT, getting diagnosed, or postponing it for a better time?",3.1322222222222216,5.133303689320388,4.625760517799353,82.28199568500541,75.2135922330097,7.684573894282633,29.40560949298813,8.515128840125781,2.378802373247033,824,37,157,16,18,275,122,206,0.085,0.86,0.055,-0.5982,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,2,6,6,1,0,7,1,15,8,0,2,0,31,34,18,0,8,13,0,1,0,0,3,8,2,0,0,12,6,0,1,5,1,0,3,3,2,0,3,13,4,21,2,23,17,2,19,0,1,1,0,13,7,0,9,6,103,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781168912647753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430266172424435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780129056551818,0.0,0.0,0.15351546298017651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338898091209926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948607997003705,0.0,0.0,0.13969584026676168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133523906426493,0.11140472560863507,0.0,0.0,0.13364546240041794,0.0,0.0,0.318410967014425,0.0,0.1385451375595046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918898266126167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24509973539388374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209564457835726,0.10834092080981464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786830488018002,0.10235641778665126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533472044759348,0.08136213721557083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259542843733242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38204551669552783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116736375142591,0.0,0.13141741510077765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192240932191165,0.0,0.07808548637175737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594475491862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327651367395768,0.0,0.0,0.13644523128383834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676658772341054,0.14214940705095713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542363530488172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189354050567673,0.19350030306733315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658674985326069,0.0,0.0,0.07849279295557905
bpd,Muriatic-Acid,2019/10/20,Is it possible to have more than one FP? I get that it’s favourite *person* but don’t see why that couldn’t happen.,-1.3490000000000002,0.6326948000000029,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,101.0,4.1000000000000005,14.25,5.985473137389443,-0.8959999999999999,90,2,22,1,4,29,22,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337283240542444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39560098160747337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031442548008313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39061948223352394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043337467041357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564898123205823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403674869683344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,blaziebee,2019/10/20,"It’s my birthday tomorrow And I wanted to celebrate into the day (in Germany it brings bad luck to celebrate before the actual birthday). Having it on a Monday sucks. 
So I invited my friends to my place four weeks in advance. Most forgot. It was so messy bc I also am going to throw a big party on Saturday. 
So everyone was like yeah we will meet at my friend’s bar. 
I’m sitting here alone now, my friend has to work a lot. I feel so shitty and bad and I don’t even want to see any of them. I don’t know what to do anymore. 

It’s been bad ever since my bf and I broke up in June. I feel like I can do whatever and I’m just alone and abandoned.",-1.0589323308270693,1.015251542857147,1.9493984962406048,94.2103383458647,94.28571428571428,5.2330827067669174,18.082706766917287,6.8360192770164,0.18964285714285767,496,15,114,8,19,174,85,140,0.191,0.63,0.179,-0.4527,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,2,10,12,1,0,5,1,12,1,0,0,1,20,24,11,0,2,1,0,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,3,1,0,4,2,6,0,1,4,3,17,6,16,19,2,23,0,2,1,0,7,10,1,3,10,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.17500382340558546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714712609494269,0.0,0.14341309624810494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195306659217267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785084342295085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492084497798539,0.0,0.0,0.1525997713720992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156554015202426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844821846306393,0.16221759999840765,0.0,0.1713610369004917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813530156432695,0.12811603213953393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41565831862244784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191947527371543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855711232859858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522677605444065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246309992833015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736554876954825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290574163310946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834669101245526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115513269676782,0.0,0.14385067805106394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305570705005921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kskskssksk,2019/10/20,I had everything and I ruined it with an impulsive decision. It was about time. I ruin everything good in my life and I hate this illness because we can’t think clearly until it’s too late.,1.0860526315789478,3.6708039210526335,3.521368421052632,83.35257894736844,88.73684210526315,7.2505263157894735,26.02105263157895,8.238735603445708,2.4122989473684218,151,7,28,4,5,52,31,38,0.303,0.574,0.124,-0.8452,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,4,3,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823033332418665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6434853619627686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002690891096061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534457912687097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038337757275645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528623445669245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938864000634995,0.0,0.0,0.20874967169879907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,______1_____,2019/10/20,"I know love and fancy my FP (of 9 years) but I can't stand him I'm currently splitting and seeking immediate advice, it just a bickering episkde that's gotten out of hand. My SO/FP has gone for walk. I know I love him and fancy him but right now I want to end it. I can't grasp hold of what I'm really feeling.",-0.7348913043478262,1.2204423768115973,2.309981884057972,93.86323369565218,89.0,5.7688405797101465,18.769927536231886,7.1686216300943375,0.2559405797101455,240,7,58,4,8,85,46,69,0.0,0.754,0.24600000000000002,0.9463,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,13,13,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,11,2,6,11,0,9,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,4,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378917508697486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062580272029614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483651783945045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800627691074902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6241590446322952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151521852304834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29529382586565034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394972325190872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267067789345665
bpd,dumbgoddess,2019/10/20,"My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago and today is our anniversary My pain knows no limits. I want to destroy myself so bad. He said he's not strong enough to support us. He can't be my nurse... He loves me but can't deal with my BPD. 

I just wanted to go to our restaurant today. To eat and laugh. To go back home. 

I miss his smell, not even his cologne but just the way he smells. I just miss his beautiful eyes and his strong hands. I miss his dog. I miss being loved. I just wanted to be loved for a little bit longer. But I'm so hard to love. I thought love would be enough. 

He felt like home. Warm. Strong. Reassuring. But I'm just a tornado ruining his health. Ruining his peace. Ruining everything i touch.  

I just want to caress him for hours and tell him everything going on in my mind. I want to go back in his bed, giggling for hours. I want to take showers where he'll brush my hair. I want to cook with him and eat until I burst. 

He says he still love me but he can't be with me. I'm in pain. 

He broke up with me because of my BPD but completely forgot this woman I am, who is completely destroyed by this breakup. There's something, someone behind this illness. Someone with real feelings. Someone who love deep and hard. 

I want to go back home.",-0.1787848932676539,2.106401061302684,1.4240328407225,98.1349655172414,92.02681992337163,4.668680897646415,18.185112205801857,6.3317336037704965,-0.2026101587301592,971,28,222,11,35,312,122,261,0.162,0.591,0.247,0.9886,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,3,0,0,4,15,30,2,0,4,0,12,17,3,0,0,43,48,15,0,9,14,0,8,1,0,2,4,2,5,1,5,12,3,2,4,1,0,5,6,14,0,0,4,15,43,16,32,37,3,26,0,9,1,7,40,9,0,0,12,128,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269571178553977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917874762124195,0.0684737894089736,0.04999170614123995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895321954981216,0.0,0.2065740240080056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719689988069162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454730748507955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783062565414267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947369609019386,0.0,0.054165933683233775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740815647128394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146603277807416,0.0,0.07874115566107086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330370017522699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469272677019499,0.0,0.0,0.08717135007511027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24678405933322034,0.0,0.16152398324304634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506980416988369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006527938725983,0.08219420233753487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181119998927932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280534898399182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452595130344864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334378699434788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800899701307011,0.06521656260158162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084569651908825,0.06313425812386468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549220632873276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306243352171517,0.0,0.0,0.061660291640017566,0.0,0.07167916657325595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651057001929826,0.0,0.0,0.1554692045656748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864629720031524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869665680351155,0.06509464173089398,0.06578238481511553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825658534890502,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Intelligent_Goose,2019/10/20,"does anyone feel really guilty even when they successfully did something they're supposed to do i was going to post this in the thread but it became really long so i guess i made my own post. 

i have this friend and i was trying to wait for them to reply when i was really upset (they didn't know i was upset which i guess was what i was upset about) after they hadn't spoken to me for 2 weeks and it was so hard, i did a ton of distraction tactics, watched a movie, looked at my distraction pictures, went to sleep, did some work, TRIED to read. i was so exhausted and almost on the cusp of calling them when they replied to my message. i don't even feel happy when people contact me in those situations, i just feel terrible and cry even more, like i don't deserve their acknowledgement because i was GOING to do it. i also feel terrible because if i manage to do it no one will ever know or acknowledge how much i try and how hard it is and if i don't manage to do it i just become a bad person who people don't want to know. 

i know it's what im supposed to do and i don't deserve cookies for doing what you're supposed to do. i just wish people realised i am trying and that it is hard for me. it seems it's all about hiding that you are struggling so you don't make it weird and makes me feel so far away from people. it would just help so much to have someone to give me a hug or something. but i don't have anyone. i feel so jealous of people who have family members they are close to or just anybody really. i feel like if i want to have anybody in my life at all, i just have to be prepared to cope 100% by myself all the time or they will leave me. 

sorry for the length of this post this is what just brought me to start posting in this forum today because i don't want to be on my own any more.",3.2234565434565425,3.7350937402597424,4.6821428571428605,87.86804945054949,72.63636363636364,7.3776223776223775,24.41808191808193,7.321109707123232,0.8839890109890107,1410,37,314,14,26,473,155,385,0.183,0.7440000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9913,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,9,2,27,18,1,6,8,0,46,4,1,5,4,59,75,32,0,8,16,0,10,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,27,10,0,1,14,1,0,4,11,12,0,1,17,12,54,6,45,53,11,30,0,0,2,1,20,11,0,12,13,236,81,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015230937708778,0.0,0.0,0.07199717344771056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122367006655344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590251453286425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458640117090363,0.0,0.0751715138972293,0.1646448487244056,0.09943135859186976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193097045194848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988940228022029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878609494699719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783924303782726,0.0814375324771709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487252495404986,0.0,0.3186540631534011,0.06431764203336743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955716236001135,0.0,0.0,0.08636523749840437,0.10233255303667288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835698241330896,0.0,0.0,0.09583889526413322,0.2419483113452085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034539143292227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724813959648074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791312499248456,0.0,0.0,0.09532905533498097,0.0,0.0,0.06359104137839798,0.0879684834810991,0.0,0.0,0.07967395481769295,0.07560275110555667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518881719760157,0.12019180706668214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236521319528768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100684015359147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31207826265623706,0.07861095810361345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448964434556905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005463228859115,0.0,0.2307027822495839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196017543261852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119779427322627,0.09009528760267704,0.0,0.0762823546112818,0.13861939883605734,0.0,0.10078151505647408,0.06372388765351265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411918463694983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052497373752745394,0.0,0.08533816787762169,0.0,0.0,0.2444985711448502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930655546027075,0.0,0.07221685110469869,0.0,0.0,0.08345896117010705,0.0,0.0,0.10353036601288186,0.0,0.0,0.06554310795573741,0.0,0.0,0.06395491987458828,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,imsosadbpd,2019/10/20,"My ex is calling me an abuser on social media We broke up over 2 and a half years ago. Our relationship was messy, it was toxic.   


I acknowledge some of my behaviour was abusive. I would split. I would get extremely angry then I would appologise. I attempted suicide a couple of times when we were together, but I never thought of the impact it would have on her. I was selfish, I could only see my own pain and not the pain I was causing everyone around me. At this time, I knew there was something really wrong with me. I went for assessments and was put on a year and a half waiting list for DBT. I knew I couldn't wait that long so I started sexual violence counselling, which did not help, in fact it made it worse. I also started taking antidepressants, which also were of no help. When I did eventually start DBT and began to see things a little more rationally, I reached out to appologise for my behaviour as we had broken up way before then. We spoke breifly and that was that. I know some of my behaviours were absuive, I have worked so hard to gain self-awareness and to never be that way again.  


The thing that breaks my heart is that she was also abusive during the relationship and all of the blame is being put on me. Before we got together we were friends. We went out and I was sexually assaulted at a club. I told her multiple times I wanted to leave but she was getting off with this famous guy so she didn't care. That hurt but I tried so hard to move past it.

I tried to break up with her once and she cried and begged me to not leave and told me that she wouldn't be able to continue living without me. I felt guilty, trapped and angry but I stayed. I felt awful. Another time she told me that before she met me she was happy to be alive but since she has known me she wishes every day that she was dead. We got drunk one night and the next morning I asked if I had made an arse of myself. She said I had and I asked to her tell me what I'd said and she refused to tell me, saying it was okay, it was drunk talk and just to forget it, so I did. A couple of weeks later, while we were with our friends, she told them what I said while I was drunk that she had refused to tell me and I was so embarrassed, disgusted with myself. She mocked me in front of our friends and then acted innocent and cried when i asked her why she had done that. Before we broke up, she told me that her friends had said that if she ever acted ""cuddly"" with someone, they'd think she had been kidnapped, essentially taking every bit of affection she had given me as me manipulating her into, which was not the case. There is so much more but I dont want to think about it. 

She is now saying online that I am an abuser. Was I abusive at times? Absolutely. I do not pretend I was not. I now understand how my behaviours affected her and how manipulative I had been. Was she also abusive at times? Absolutely. I find it even hard to say that about her because I did love her. We were awful together. We brought out the worst in each other but I loved her.   


I don't know what I'm trying to get at. I feel disgusting and I also feel cheated.   


Can someone give me some insight please? What do you think? I'm all over the place and could really do with an outsiders perspective.",2.5241911511001405,4.313243485627839,3.945944740823318,87.4267399209067,76.32223903177005,7.1196857499270125,22.94293600870557,7.974163086874047,1.0792283408976289,2548,75,537,41,57,841,259,661,0.237,0.6779999999999999,0.085,-0.9989,0,1,1,0,2,1,67.0,15,1,2,3,28,23,5,1,20,3,72,8,1,9,6,116,129,56,2,13,17,1,7,0,4,5,2,8,0,1,38,48,3,4,17,5,0,9,15,14,0,3,69,17,128,9,66,47,12,75,0,3,2,2,90,26,0,5,35,408,166,1,0.05715620016944356,0.40632450569864464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066552284243191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285389631276883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059933259418559585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088113596893205,0.16029999491566255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03484188911862278,0.0,0.19454286636455032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239976725897432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836287081928089,0.0,0.058274555333804476,0.058715161973961365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912691499859284,0.12648449671837506,0.12556680407547366,0.036861020694826496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849063698218434,0.06698664092142106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03775113115895541,0.05170105530747587,0.09631312753891176,0.0546151986370511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779978431466284,0.0,0.10975783090355637,0.0,0.05223973148299935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663495387530948,0.0,0.0895852666601053,0.054829435331921424,0.0,0.0,0.09142606918751353,0.0,0.0,0.05659362425273885,0.0,0.06084383789559621,0.15360218618995622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773037239716488,0.07662119234517305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061186894414038726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282310569871588,0.0,0.0,0.12104032655127164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728552804233227,0.05046997189974836,0.05058143854922918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031714043599316,0.10816515715886424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060747995388826914,0.04201638360122094,0.0,0.08816477027729443,0.0,0.06078626730315675,0.05363722199183845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086948780387948,0.0387305204489018,0.043469865785882376,0.12163645358406032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456206042058881,0.0,0.0,0.05971606409998095,0.0627403441012689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491553563741355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323145079339133,0.0,0.0,0.1227287377423864,0.0,0.0,0.217474539997122,0.13635871336990954,0.0,0.0,0.09109218299372908,0.0,0.059626382080805874,0.0,0.0,0.04728019941603912,0.0,0.0,0.058263548222735086,0.09685652584937884,0.04400163528973014,0.0,0.0,0.12136635798383985,0.060920904506208774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625196061586972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594869870109015,0.04593998865781613,0.14987111462877942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594407936812905,0.10987015560710496,0.0,0.04537563852502543,0.199969439740732,0.0,0.0,0.27307599318525555,0.0,0.11641592425061152,0.0,0.0,0.05950162009805246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742441545204222,0.09073586258474632,0.045847256167080304,0.0,0.0,0.10596874036108032,0.0515745805746857,0.0,0.0657268094503687,0.05509653733958415,0.0,0.041610394450413486,0.0,0.058247050963451626,0.16240849883550612,0.0624913323546664,0.0,0.07361343793897886
bpd,tamemsc,2019/10/20,"What little things make you split from people? For me it could be something as insignificant as me thinking they’re being blunt with me. If they come off as a little cold I’ll think to myself “Alright, fuck you. Two can play this game”. It’s so bad and I KNOW it’s me being irrational but I the moment I truly believe my stupid mind lol.",0.10913043478261032,2.4932208550724653,1.808246376811596,94.38802173913044,94.07246376811594,3.919420289855073,15.595652173913045,5.6839178017228535,-0.6391460869565218,265,6,55,2,10,86,54,69,0.172,0.687,0.142,-0.3062,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,1,5,2,0,2,2,5,1,0,1,0,11,11,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,12,2,8,7,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,1,38,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223818753555063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30007276035434005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294273985277409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264995747082654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462260421808613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463729064758122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5338831403063993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778329896613362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689263870959949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464587370706195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050407147311126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769437455074755,0.3413184545674874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601744267845416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,plainjane0367,2019/10/20,"BPD and Long Term Relationships after a whirlwind of a romance with my ex, I find myself wondering if it’s possible for someone with BPD to have a lifelong partner? 

my ex would waiver between wanting me forever, calling me his soulmate, saying no one ever made him feel like I do, profession after profession of love, only to turn around and say the opposite when he would get stressed with life. I could handle his down periods, until he started blocking me without any warning and just cutting me off. 

are there any success stories of someone with BPD being in a long term relationship that lasts? 

I was not aware of his diagnosis until 5 months in, and at that point I researched heavily and so many things suddenly made sense to me. 

are most people with BPD faithful? I read that often times that is an issue, but as far as I am aware my ex never cheated.

there is hope right? I feel like I read so much negativity about this, and I’m hoping that perhaps there is a silver lining",7.616363636363637,7.205456331550804,7.9201122994652415,71.58605080213906,63.22459893048128,10.260748663101603,37.41657754010696,9.642632912329526,3.6636720855614975,782,35,135,13,10,257,121,187,0.057,0.7879999999999999,0.155,0.9585,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,2,1,7,0,13,2,0,2,2,34,26,15,0,7,5,3,2,2,1,2,1,2,0,1,8,12,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,4,22,8,28,19,4,26,1,0,0,1,16,9,0,6,19,102,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531642271828337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025129365287906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673389850807006,0.0,0.11499258398046301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991397482040157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186678381076823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113883132521657,0.16090446596151647,0.0,0.0,0.10292813950630908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058836729329297364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223704361568501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754088129870816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179631768483064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954335878497774,0.11003607570553887,0.0,0.0,0.19932159739830052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016395031095895,0.21311821614918847,0.0,0.11417401169115515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988827945918157,0.0,0.08278503870687899,0.0,0.08685568930992936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631089017396378,0.08564884012441602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807311431729523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645764747392834,0.1269565777555268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22529110299533545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418128937721004,0.0,0.0961726598065912,0.0,0.1791120573581865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908367773284908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970953060251124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900018936769392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481645266902696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656667565928907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224928647362337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642328973338639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855691483500107,0.12212624636500988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999703817956376,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,saintcrimes,2019/10/20,"Something to remember (fp) Your fp (favorite person) is allowed to have other friends besides you. They're allowed to have a life outside of you and not everything you do should affect them.

It's really hard for me to remember this and I start getting mad if my fp talks to someone else or has fun without me. I have to remember they're their own person and dont always want to talk to me.

I know it's difficult but it's always good to keep this mindset if you're getting upset about your fp ignoring you or afraid of them losing interest In you etc.",3.322072072072075,5.001801567567568,4.740720720720724,83.040990990991,73.86486486486487,7.816216216216216,29.45045045045045,8.515128840125781,2.3272234234234235,438,19,84,8,9,146,67,111,0.142,0.7559999999999999,0.102,-0.3833,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,7,3,1,1,10,1,2,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,21,14,8,0,4,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,17,4,15,13,2,2,0,1,0,0,15,1,0,4,1,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870446277331936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215251064092268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440900649519605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923676780266425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501945069927744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332623897155996,0.0,0.1802338130177399,0.0,0.0,0.14467321871553845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545137316491641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533136361986652,0.0,0.0,0.09479389000974893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183208531032301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296790780507872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012165470609545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049905945520573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861796309523685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614697500190751,0.1327882832124622,0.0,0.0,0.12208660132975133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27727570507340576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101736814047115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627051599562426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GeneralReposti_Bot,2019/10/20,Can i get a like for every person we’ve lost due to splitting!?? Lol i lost so many people from splitting . And very important relationships at that.,2.9177380952381005,5.598507678571429,4.064285714285717,82.54738095238098,79.35714285714286,6.590476190476192,23.619047619047624,7.793537801064563,1.468033333333334,117,4,21,2,3,38,25,28,0.145,0.6,0.254,0.5338,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,4,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652126593965167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445765612497373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537838294719092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6872311617473863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191338228204834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822629390458065,0.2748505759617181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379520087527595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597234629526993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,voyet,2019/10/20,"Dissociation during sex? Yesterday, after a long and stressful month, I’ve had sex with a friend of a friend. I can’t remember much of it, and I’m not even sure it was real. I think it was but I want to be sure. I was very drunk and high (don’t worry he was probably more than me), they’re triggers for dissociation. I only remember flashes and I trying different things. Is this common?",1.1394871794871797,3.5508560256410284,3.82589743589744,83.06910256410261,84.8974358974359,7.056410256410258,21.48717948717949,8.167268648758528,1.4161179487179492,302,10,61,7,9,106,54,78,0.183,0.742,0.075,-0.8471,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,9,3,0,1,2,15,12,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,7,4,7,6,2,6,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598285409185491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365394249570066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194293030305782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841553206304684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294446605930575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650053331429888,0.0,0.1519661180886971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722311610667164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228837179115018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352974671137742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683565792404969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23680194292506015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896703396775421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733841354517626,0.13246055951158106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035220371797347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056916552765244,0.12193132538361393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099385220327128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,isaac_0,2019/10/20,"Is it possible to have BPD without relationship problems? I.e. having symptoms such as emptiness, mood swings, suicidal ideation, dissociation, unclear self-image but normal relationships? Like not splitting, not having a fear of being abandoned. etc. Does anyone suffering from BPD have completely stable relationships, or is that a main criteria?",9.674999999999997,13.693445730769238,8.66215384615385,51.48284615384617,62.84615384615386,11.083076923076923,43.09230769230769,10.793553405168565,6.629456923076923,286,17,29,9,5,89,45,52,0.22399999999999998,0.602,0.174,-0.5154,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,7,3,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,23,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925844935671835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656495383659479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382225159294827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177228074442915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061678279747891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080189571405296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031328571329596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112360536128866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840193739188412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688610768396676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5954115545570828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284935487491198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022068972489195,0.0,0.0,0.19214037982207452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819849722528555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,70slolita,2019/10/20,"Feeling awkward around my dad You know the feeling when you bump into an aquintance from highschool and you don't know what to talk about, so youu stand there in scilence and murmur something stupid? Well that's the way that I feel with my own father. So, a little backstory. I'm an only daughter, my parents aren't divorced, I've lived with them my whole life (18 now), and my communication with my mom is mostly great. I have friends and I don't generally have trouble interacting with people, but I don't think I've ever had a full on conversation with my dad. It's always awkward and I never know what to say. Because of that, I often feel awkward on dates with men. My dad's not a smart guy, we have very different interests and points of view, and he's one of my main bpd triggers. Can anyone relate? Is this a bpd thing or is it just me? :)",3.065840336134457,4.763190088235298,4.208067226890758,86.52058823529416,74.58823529411767,6.504201680672269,25.672268907563023,7.1686216300943375,1.1100504201680677,665,23,135,7,14,217,105,170,0.062,0.831,0.10800000000000001,0.7615,2,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,1,3,1,0,11,10,1,3,8,0,12,1,0,1,2,34,21,12,0,0,4,7,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,9,16,0,0,8,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,1,6,21,5,18,20,5,15,0,0,1,0,21,8,0,3,5,94,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231357242944742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119590599272693,0.0,0.0,0.15225607537475164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042604335540568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308214095200433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786936038975593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470959175628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459187044342401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214005711014484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885650365196913,0.0,0.16935005392208105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28198661451997176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208060184506026,0.0,0.17142049817483396,0.15102571315274374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031236698641136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191157835915704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589672534772075,0.1300786831030448,0.0,0.0,0.18991246026092254,0.0,0.0,0.1185730931253108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616819395282056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360127032379283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166994352044736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747024791409154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362705698630925,0.10959136017040058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112054880510533,0.0,0.1357584306031583,0.0,0.0,0.15377965595630655,0.0,0.0,0.19095279374692048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,NewStimsAccount,2019/10/20,Does this help anyone else ? I found self-medicating with stimulants of all types generally helps me emotionally and allow me to grab control of myself in a slight way but sure as shit hinder me with my impulses so i mean i guess i dont have 100% control. Idk probably the drugs tricking me but fuck man i feel like i have this shit undercontrol while speeding/geeking/tweaking.,3.17426056338028,6.041118028169016,4.324771126760563,79.86349471830988,79.98591549295773,7.493661971830987,27.184859154929576,8.472884824447931,2.404392957746479,304,13,54,7,8,99,56,71,0.205,0.636,0.158,-0.8271,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,2,0,3,4,2,4,2,16,8,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,12,2,7,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,1,2,32,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098948899636167,0.19194758022723188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202258718611285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393874825164245,0.0,0.21955606494872085,0.0,0.21724995639629674,0.0,0.15649495303697628,0.210727466762076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472256724962942,0.13383267355160816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054039441419357,0.0,0.17318885154356398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637141252963145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511343642789779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152276856207052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406351500077366,0.20808774960998555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197958767774288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543200907995226,0.0,0.38459484252712056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656169610730996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869837227846586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LollyTheSnakemaster,2019/10/20,"Dear Brain: Dear Brain:

You appear to be experiencing difficulty processing your most recent realization concerning the means by which childhood trauma has impacted your adult composition. However, disassociation is a highly inconvenient response. Kindly return the mind and body to its situationally present setting at your earliest convenience. 

Best regards, 
Lolly",11.667692307692313,16.181075000000003,11.385230769230773,31.959769230769272,58.615384615384606,14.16,45.015384615384605,12.340626583579946,8.430226153846151,308,18,28,13,5,101,46,52,0.122,0.679,0.19899999999999998,0.7159,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,1,0,5,0,0,3,0,3,3,3,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,4,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808244305336481,0.0,0.0,0.2972377066183385,0.0,0.5974490110114189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827287967322765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27865900130281185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914893900145105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701946550530342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26421776768089866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007879782237017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Blinni3,2019/10/20,"I fucked up my relationship bad and I don't know how to fix it I have BPD. Pretty sure it comes from the incredibly unsafe childhood I had, my mom has bpd too and my dad was an abusive alcoholic. I have been diagnosed in 2010 and been off and on medications aswel since 2010. (Sertraline and haloperidol) I am also addicted to cannabis. Normally the only problem with this is that I cannot financially sustain this addiction and thus racked up loads of depts in bills that I could not pay. But now I am also pregnant so obviously I had to stop. Which worked out fine for a while. 
In the beginning of september some of our friends from other countries came over and they wanted to smoke weed, cause it is illegal where they live and it has never been illegal here. This was hard for me. Especially because I needed to buy the weed and roll the joints because they just cant. My fiance also smokes when he has the chance. It is not hard for him to not smoke weed, but if it is there he won't say no. At this point I asked for a drag and got told I was not allowed, which with my mind I understand. I am pregnant and smoking is not good for my baby. But my feelings and my mind don't always have the same opinion and I felt like that was super unfair. So I got my own weed. One bag I thought while they are here and then I'll stop again...I thought...
That didnt happen. Everytime the bag was finished I went on to buy one more (for the last time) and it never was the last time. And I felt so guilty. I couldnt even think about it because the feeling was so suffocating. I could not ask for help because health professionals have to report substance abuse to CPS and I am shit scared that I am going to loose my baby. So last week he found out. He went trough my bag or something and found the weed. He didnt tell me he did but he started giving me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment and obviously showing me something was wrong. But then if I ask him he denies something is wrong. He said I should know If something was wrong. By this time I started getting paranoid and thinking he might have figured out what I had done. I felt so shit and uncomfortable. I started getting suicidal thoughts and resorted to self harm. And after a couple of days I came clean. And he admitted that this was indeed what he was angry about. And he was even more angry about the fact that I lied to him for months. He said I don't care about him or our kids and that he is contemplating to go back to his own country with the kids. Which I understand. I fucked up. Badly I know I am a 100% the asshole here. 

He has said by now that he does not want to break up with me and that he is willing to do anything to helo me. But he is not acting like that at all. I am still getting the cold shoulder and he is just moping around all day. I just dont know what to do. My emotions are trough the roof going betweeen anger, dispair and intense sadness. I feel like I dont want to be alive anymore, but I do cause I don't want to abandon my son. I feel like I dont want to be pregnant anymore, but I am 27 weeks so it is too late to abort. And to be fair when I found out I was pregnant I also didnt want to be pregnant, but abortion is just not something i can live with for myself. 

He thinks I am using my mental ilness and my bad youth as a sobstory to get away with this without consequences and I feel like he just wants to punish me. I kinda feel like he has to make up his mind, forgive me and start acting normal again or not forgive me and break up. Whatever kind of inbetween limbo we are in now is just horrible. I feel so uncomfortable in my own home. And I don't know what to do. It is affecting my tolerance towards my terrible 2's son. And that is just not fair. I just want to crawl away into a corner and dissapear.",1.9578869646450128,3.8241704821428617,3.3611217303822976,90.63246981891352,78.23469387755101,6.355676918654788,23.669804541534923,7.308438616049869,0.8525275438344351,2974,99,646,38,71,973,294,784,0.188,0.732,0.08,-0.9985,1,0,9,0,1,2,72.0,3,0,4,2,43,33,6,1,26,0,87,12,4,8,8,162,156,73,1,19,35,4,12,6,1,4,6,4,2,3,37,54,1,3,30,1,4,10,30,18,0,2,43,18,97,15,86,102,9,78,0,2,0,2,59,29,4,10,43,453,134,5,0.0,0.13362133532788192,0.0,0.12294268564893727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026172099646807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037414529097534,0.046919409203347084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184366947979392,0.0,0.0,0.04640259464813298,0.05019735631852811,0.15814576088774873,0.0,0.10595693611168054,0.043358961659958915,0.14124510296875314,0.1374946285763804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203765432741705,0.0,0.0,0.12898590921279154,0.05749141725493132,0.1158522053716205,0.0,0.04857334780108848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004260528951774,0.06239235061908579,0.0,0.07273130816940293,0.0,0.0,0.057232725814326285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934559877964955,0.057704595032727825,0.19825926950414627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342901319907544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448760512621662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995805930024984,0.1611346550614963,0.16242423174215395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547989520745825,0.043565299541462814,0.1042597637534588,0.1178418017022652,0.05409259541258474,0.09613995542567494,0.04729565575419215,0.09019741569076344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049863803003385686,0.0,0.10102530829487384,0.0,0.0,0.05993790433565325,0.0,0.0,0.03779574905766258,0.0,0.05656185328143405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058719519963223124,0.1549471017962605,0.1378914615359255,0.06360822319527762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529023912275995,0.0,0.09958343557363562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03763948887239266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056805069760711424,0.05682593351386265,0.05981885404268195,0.170807693638096,0.06604105114279127,0.04500843658432319,0.0,0.0,0.04181105528461765,0.0869799446115514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104967144995823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642006014027165,0.04288568445690565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330497261795252,0.0,0.0,0.057366960841919765,0.0,0.05395578809484943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053970751301081,0.0,0.0,0.1609139630025539,0.04484207353615196,0.05645431647675935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058825077119396225,0.0,0.11576313101363245,0.046644811907248666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705153817567813,0.0,0.0,0.15964712529261088,0.0,0.045031602634123626,0.0942859386094655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061679419837607816,0.0,0.053145108821937334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928567729219873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083936363596431,0.0,0.1342975378898114,0.09864104867480857,0.0,0.0,0.05388123779440036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174039835673238,0.0,0.048701206279896735,0.0,0.0,0.2660732581977906,0.0,0.09046225129293513,0.0,0.0,0.10454465131790157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054356107899024265,0.0,0.04105120212051255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495457799579046,0.0,0.0
bpd,fogmilo,2019/10/20,"Flashbacks problem I keep getting lost in past moments that hurt me, t traumas or just things I regret, i feel ashamed of my actions and feel like I won't be free of this crushing guilt, regret and shame unless my memory is erased. I would ask how to self induce amnesia, dementia or at least total emotion dissociation, but my therapist says that's impossible and also not an option. So I'm asking if anyone here has a coping skill to deal with the past or the emotions that it brings up",7.405789473684213,6.780306421052637,7.843157894736844,72.67210526315792,63.73684210526316,10.126315789473685,34.78947368421053,9.3871,3.162326315789473,390,15,70,6,5,129,76,95,0.218,0.764,0.018000000000000002,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,2,1,23,14,12,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,9,0,0,1,3,9,3,9,10,2,8,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,5,4,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157568046880785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127488263935722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777704598401974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082999963182889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545478933279636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043205095923645,0.14434131619400406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055604131456775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629384253392644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795872872800429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987092054981198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055648569352854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38575050484110507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933302173122986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067465841178027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107774780884207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459035041131585,0.13423002508577456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435272970204816,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shnoz9058,2019/10/20,"Blocking people from your life Is it ok to cut someone out because you feel they are toxic to your life when u know part of the negativity is from you with the fact that you are mentally ill with BPD, Social and generalized anxiety disorder. Maybe its irrational but is it helpful if i block my very closed friend out of my life because i keep on thinking how unimportant i am to them. Without them at least I wouldnt think obsessively about that.",12.564844961240313,7.712040988372093,11.506279069767444,63.62670542635662,57.72093023255814,15.187596899224806,46.10852713178295,12.45797560212912,5.3946945736434095,359,15,68,8,3,116,63,86,0.196,0.687,0.11699999999999999,-0.563,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,3,0,3,4,1,1,2,1,7,4,0,1,1,20,12,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,14,2,15,11,2,6,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,1,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687828549322123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268990404994545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778782455547538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528633549418895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115581544564443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045971451687444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788496032694246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961078344290656,0.0,0.0,0.12125356196516032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675166607468272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165447115292614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223451349096972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389229255990178,0.0,0.15295842945395174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249065109456988,0.18694075417299635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827441182743102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820444836173458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21268134805082045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,little-red-bird,2019/10/20,"DAE twitch a lot when they’re really tense? I’m honestly not sure if this is BPD related, but I know it has something to do w my mental health.
So lately I’ve been stressed w school and struggling w some emotional stuff, and when this happens I tense up and get skittish and realllyyyyy jumpy. Like slight noises make me jump out of my seat.
But lately I’ve started doing these random jerking movements. Like just a second ago, I was moving the decorative pillows off my bed and my body just aggressively and suddenly jerked as if to cope w the fact the pillows weren’t laying on top of each other the way I wanted. I especially notice the twitching when I’m studying. Like if I misspell something, I get this overwhelming urge to stab my pen through the page or to push down on the page w my thumb w all of my strength. But I can’t do that (I ain’t trying to look coo coo for coco puffs in public, or waste paper), so I just jerk my head or arm instead.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Also! Do y’all ever feel like even the slightest noise hurts you physically? Like you hear someone laugh and it feels like they’re shoving a knife into your eardrum, like it’s going to explode.

Sorry for the long ass post! I’ve never had fellow folks w BPD to ask if my experiences are common or not.

Thank y’all!!! <3",3.3137298569618,4.9089806083650185,4.4144378055404685,85.71953105196451,73.7148288973384,6.834618866558031,25.07133804091979,7.447530270364453,1.1555588991490129,1032,33,207,12,21,337,162,263,0.16699999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.131,-0.8827,1,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,5,0,2,13,20,4,3,12,0,13,7,4,1,5,39,30,25,0,5,16,0,2,7,1,0,3,1,3,0,11,10,0,0,3,0,0,5,6,8,0,1,4,4,25,12,23,26,6,28,0,2,1,1,9,9,1,11,19,122,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876056983057124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811811450384796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579029388028551,0.12571420381494347,0.0,0.0,0.11470205518313567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628505102744373,0.3090568619726181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073700912846923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249484988979984,0.13801390814394834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103803743160083,0.1109834838489758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001799016646272,0.0,0.0,0.1240752512847276,0.17530481999354447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820479757905862,0.0,0.06972966212080267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699528276809205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591914224209172,0.13041767491098524,0.1382847267901538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134615275420747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742925357316397,0.0,0.2768076951069696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195936399390666,0.0,0.0,0.1085800712364687,0.10303181409154076,0.0,0.0,0.10430980355169048,0.0,0.0,0.08189900327655243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364640048177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040399514086212,0.0,0.0,0.09462895196168172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968760054127194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750665724235965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860073153274875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417258348923756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395798120892602,0.18891122242915415,0.0,0.13734556178603488,0.08684323850517109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405452287548402,0.12826610397315133,0.14045494222665209,0.0,0.0,0.11563736841105253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295988253344895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833009743675586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236792826418706,0.09738855502859484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,happykittykatz,2019/10/20,Happiness? How do I con myself into feeling like I deserve to be happy that's what my ex fp told me was wrong with me that's why I am so toxic I want to be happy and to be able to be loved that's all I want I want my friends back I want to find my true love I'd do anything I can't keep this up staying up all night crying I can't do this,-0.5238327526132416,0.4602935853658536,2.5054006968641107,97.96451219512196,82.65853658536584,5.173519163763067,19.031358885017426,5.288315135182226,-0.5627128919860627,262,6,71,1,7,94,48,82,0.066,0.556,0.37799999999999995,0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,3,14,20,3,0,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,15,8,9,14,2,6,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,47,21,0,0.18058394007606046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860519593371585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885790313710222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836297860499036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130866604274744,0.12900920287271492,0.0,0.0,0.1650504496756031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951870414493264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5767048864670624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051130327044927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822419147401703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259681127727821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694657946697929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247845266330466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725556934974145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260523465016598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294891788356028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974401899313335,0.0,0.0
bpd,RodZerling,2019/10/20,"I hate everything about me I hate the way i look
I hate the way i talk
I hate the way i feel

I hate my past
I hate my present
I hate my future

I hate my life
I hate my dreams
I hate my realities 

I hate what i love
And i love to hate",-4.511842105263156,-3.8743756491228063,-0.6953947368421041,108.5084868421053,121.28070175438593,3.303508771929825,10.013157894736842,5.46131890053228,-1.8171157894736845,176,3,54,2,12,63,21,57,0.545,0.319,0.136,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,14,12,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,16,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,2,23,2,2,16,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,30,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263066662571865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086212968252032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9574484811626078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708151804547343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786364412307394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587609121627082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714637745061677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495545948509637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243984875144304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pk_throwaway_,2019/10/20,"i have a very complicated situation regarding my fiance who has BPD and i need help cw: mentions of suicide, physical abuse, threats, and other potentially challenging topics

i made a throwaway to ask about this, because i'm not sure what to do. i'm male, 18, and my fiance is also male, 19, and has been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD and depression. 

i just don't know how to help someone who feels as though they literally have nothing

ive been with him for 2 years now and i love him dearly. he's given me a lot of love and help and he's the sweetest guy in the world. 

i've practically talked to him every day for these past two years and we've had a lot of deep conversations and a lot of fun together. i used to live in hawaii but i moved all the way to where he lives, 3000 miles away, to this horrible town i will not name, just so i could be with him and help him more in person, as well as to be able to move out eventually and have a roommate in the state i now reside in. i moved here about three months ago.

i've tried to do a lot of research on how to understand the thought processes people with BPD go through and how to help people with BPD, so i could better understand his situation and needs. 

while i'm not going to go into specific details about what he's dealt with in his life, i do have to mention that it is absolutely harrowing. he's dealt with a lot of manipulative, abusive people, been physically abused almost literally every day from the ages of 5 to 14 (he is 19), and a lot of other awful events in his life. 

he's seemingly left with the inability to feel even content or okay at all. he's told me he's basically been feeling pain every day since he was at least 15 and that he has almost never felt happiness since he was in middle school.

what do i do in situations where he becomes suicidal or wishes to act upon suicide? in the past i've had to hold him back and things like that and obviously i can only do so much with that, not to mention holding him in certain places or being held very strongly in general can trigger his PTSD. also it doesn't help anything for him emotionally.

i try to tell him that there is something out there for him that could help and that we just need to keep looking together. i don't know if this has ever helped. neither of us have been outside of the united states so i genuinely believe there is something out there for him but i don't know what.

we've tried doing studies in buddhism and he's tried studying and looking for other ways of thinking, in an attempt to try to find happiness or at least lessen suffering to the point of neutrality but none of it has seemed to work, or if it has, it hasn't worked for very long.

he tells me of how tired he is from trying to live. trying to hide his pain from people, because in the past they've abandoned him because it was ""too much"". i'll never give up on him, though. i'm too stubborn. 

i can only try to comprehend the amount of pain he feels. 

so many people around him seem to disrespect him. nothing helps him feel okay it seems. he has become addicted to weed because of how it makes him feel so fucked up that he doesn't even have to think about anything in his life.

he's called help hotlines so much and he's been in crisis/attempted suicide enough times that he might be put in a group home if he tries it again. i'm not sure how true this is and if anyone has control over that but it concerns me because he does not want that. he seems a therapist and that doesn't seem to help much because the packets he can't focus on reading the packets he gets from the therapist because of how depressed and in pain he is in.

our living situation is not good and there is a chance we could get kicked out and i think that just adds more stress to him.

i don't know what to do.

earlier, he ran out of the house after i tried to stop him from doing so. he threatened to kill me if i kept blocking him from leaving. i knew those were empty threats because of his pain, but i couldnt stop him from leaving the house. as of typing this, one of his close friends apparently talked him into going home but i know his mental state is still really really awful right now and i want to help him.

i understand that from his standpoint, all of this suffering feels like it won't go away unless he ends it all but obviously that's not the case... 

i've tried to help him so much, there must be something i'm forgetting. i'm not a very bright person but i try my best. 

my fiance tells me that i'm only human and i can't help him more than i already am but i outright refuse to accept that. i can't lose him.

please, whether you have read all of this or not, please teach me to better help my fiance. help me so i don't lose him.",4.21718556501548,4.8117656068111465,5.147041892414864,85.12794673955109,70.4344685242518,8.24407249742002,27.318127579979357,8.327777581246021,1.6114763802889578,3719,118,795,53,64,1218,343,969,0.166,0.731,0.10400000000000001,-0.9976,1,0,3,0,2,4,82.0,4,1,1,11,51,42,5,1,32,4,78,14,0,13,15,177,142,77,5,17,36,0,8,2,1,4,11,0,2,6,49,50,0,12,29,2,0,11,28,18,1,3,21,11,92,24,139,107,26,96,0,7,3,3,117,52,1,26,30,526,141,9,0.03826304131717296,0.13600634142609486,0.0,0.041712362872740896,0.0,0.0,0.03391787746786834,0.0,0.07662981758856355,0.0,0.04222421756429683,0.061197880634574285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026754408148990997,0.0,0.06297444556324801,0.034062219008127184,0.03577077850065393,0.0,0.07189877371956445,0.02942191693631837,0.0,0.18659835873791275,0.08451704592067283,0.0,0.04310934472936274,0.04015470122031985,0.06768110126393694,0.0,0.0,0.1927638443108753,0.0,0.03907084324931801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291525440965153,0.12219969999901525,0.0,0.0,0.07402948868144,0.0,0.0659118028381948,0.0388361815062383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0334842453067433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304077141725556,0.03388969753465874,0.0395359500363084,0.0,0.05054475584531108,0.03461111147183968,0.09671478774347483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542860356001973,0.027335124362305518,0.03673852011064285,0.0,0.034971726570455886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029561930806069992,0.035373565135292814,0.03998171967886365,0.03670539579753517,0.10872884076341288,0.03209322367914536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788642661078758,0.0,0.08146343796098565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103505607136941,0.0,0.07676190043763867,0.0,0.0,0.08830082477150446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03400994920325511,0.0423323860762405,0.0,0.10514183421469793,0.0,0.0,0.08103007201572866,0.041572906347256335,0.0,0.08107895296465747,0.037386778493399414,0.0,0.13514786597790934,0.033861587498006746,0.06426263582644039,0.0856131118539902,0.0,0.1951792165713264,0.06906777735524285,0.03620541485594371,0.02554087719659811,0.03879271827380466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03856014608434701,0.040591040179240485,0.0,0.0,0.03054119452865985,0.1220026725328448,0.14063868985041353,0.08511468092234299,0.05902163261095635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342884020751693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025928027051808984,0.08730230136115992,0.2035728685323572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957920747183578,0.13263387541562602,0.06681962360770201,0.03997673430323779,0.08400265838119561,0.036170941752658434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945489541623743,0.038464924846684616,0.0,0.0,0.07654679167912433,0.0,0.049024568097899325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032676428219159864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387242405792615,0.0,0.20899941453494608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330316635384874,0.17203704639635525,0.0,0.0,0.03242015073977838,0.08837027570707266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030556914222279737,0.06397923169346338,0.04383018455149959,0.0,0.0,0.1674142274323203,0.0,0.07212492723388353,0.0,0.0,0.061508766464997436,0.1003307538690702,0.0,0.0,0.08885268018577938,0.025420264451125028,0.07355223564645526,0.07518648764410105,0.0303765807826454,0.022311487095270883,0.04397773727332757,0.0,0.03656197570517115,0.0,0.311737120828366,0.0,0.03737743152952247,0.11949952628941578,0.04602572750054231,0.03304698246934417,0.0,0.1262840652661066,0.04513706626017023,0.06074284239919716,0.0,0.0,0.034403069350668315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400060917607874,0.0,0.0,0.05571189957904915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928028821034408
bpd,willbegreat,2019/10/20,"Unwarranted Worrying About Boyfriend So I’m very new to the BPD community as I have been in extreme denial for a long time, however I’ve come to terms with it and am working on my coping skills (yay!). I used to struggle a lot with trusting my boyfriend just out of my fear of abandonment and paranoia. After I accepted that I struggle with BPD and understood why I feel these feelings, for a little while I didn’t struggle with the same insecurities.

However, recently I’ve just been suffering from the most bizarre, out of nowhere, baseless panic attacks over the idea that my boyfriend is suddenly cheating on me, talking to other girls, moving on, etc. I’ve gotten better about not coming to him with these concerns every time I feel them because he really shouldn’t have to be accused of this shit when he’s never done anything to breach my trust.  I usually just end up calling him for just normal conversation so I can hear his voice and it immediately puts me at ease. Once I hear how loving he is with me it reminds me he just wouldn’t do any of that stuff to me and all of that paranoia and fear of abandonment goes away. Sometimes I do ask him if he’s cheated on me (kind of jokingly but also not really lol) and if he loves me still just for that weird validation but I know it’s not healthy to do that so I’m trying to stop doing it. 

Recently it’s gotten so bad that if he doesn’t reply to me for a couple hours I’ll somehow convince myself that he ran into an ex girlfriend and suddenly decided to rekindle a romance. Meanwhile, he’s literally just playing fifa. Of course I know that what I’m paranoid over isn’t happening and I’m never going to hound him about replying to me ASAP all the time, but part of my brain deep down is like.... “*what if...*”.... and I’m not fully put at ease until he texts or calls me just saying hi. This makes me feel like a total psycho and I just want to be able to chill when he’s off living his own life cause I just want him to happy too.


I’m just so unsure about what to do about this... what do I do when I’m paranoid over the one person I actually trust? Even though I 100% know he’s not doing any of the things that I feel like he is... I feel like he deserves so much better because all he gives me is love and patience and kindness and then I go and accuse him of these crazy outlandish things. He deserves better and I do too. I deserve to feel secure in my freaking amazing relationship and right now I’m getting in the way of that. I have this amazing man that would do anything for me and my brain is still set in panic and paranoid mode. Does anyone have any advice, support, or insights??

Sorry for this ridiculously long and messy post, but thank you so much to anyone that’s reading this 😅❤️",4.072287862018076,5.061593300359718,5.165683453237413,83.41941984873641,71.03237410071942,7.7888950378159025,28.46504334993543,8.055295364500962,1.7965494927135213,2169,79,436,29,39,716,247,556,0.121,0.7190000000000001,0.16,0.9877,2,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,1,1,5,36,46,5,8,15,2,33,7,3,4,6,95,74,47,0,10,26,1,7,4,1,3,1,4,0,3,36,31,0,4,15,3,0,8,12,19,0,1,8,11,56,27,75,61,13,61,0,3,0,3,45,23,1,9,31,298,92,2,0.07581963684746587,0.0,0.0739890284490235,0.0,0.0,0.0740900716238429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060632936194038166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546798590672266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602970595622556,0.0,0.12478620174745553,0.0,0.07088112555374636,0.08625578259215637,0.0712350446480174,0.0,0.06330622977928715,0.0924378937795777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011689221224484,0.0,0.0,0.1909843568343388,0.16927957956233694,0.15484065272971487,0.0,0.0,0.07788765252253173,0.0,0.13062380722927588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389298605918022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635027514473373,0.07758981251061267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671536937863603,0.0,0.08455893710078917,0.050078155065725716,0.0,0.06388131411811318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063634113435727,0.2683568056068674,0.1624966911399282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03961263091269341,0.0727331044242574,0.08618009376926335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704705446601812,0.08071141328454583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090848226090952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746670695919595,0.0,0.0,0.08559114120287313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790896867314128,0.1250054686696899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355365175841431,0.14816657906353936,0.0759911946544511,0.0669501284164528,0.13419598541035427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644591439118438,0.20529054735329585,0.0,0.05061019634481236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805842749507123,0.11147231400422908,0.0,0.1169535561382263,0.07322707772934428,0.0,0.0,0.07428714607735118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074543875729318,0.05137734815546738,0.0,0.0,0.17791601517428032,0.0,0.08210527813613216,0.0,0.0,0.06620278239548262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261425361645417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243935311183832,0.0,0.0,0.07584015471798146,0.0,0.09714400167449153,0.0,0.14972548887545786,0.08140191526719373,0.0,0.06474955559627837,0.0,0.06029481839849701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782776766646543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498755954523796,0.08487387600564204,0.0,0.0,0.12109931985320772,0.0633886113830833,0.0,0.23778943992315346,0.08679534450116168,0.0,0.08603922539115755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060940952101194074,0.0,0.06980453491967634,0.0,0.0,0.1007423954240576,0.0,0.07449240824531257,0.0,0.13263311991337645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147655648775547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548382259947788,0.08350461826987325,0.06255914087388932,0.08944077246337835,0.060182098615916516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841542926472516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519759863247177,0.07699852159135644,0.0,0.05386009464478558,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ShaineTheInsane,2019/10/20,"Is it me? Relatively long time lurker, first time poster here

So at this point in my life, my sex addiction and BPD really love each other and I have a tendency to hook up with random guys. Although apparently I'm a terrible judge of character because 3 dudes in the last 4 months or so have ghosted me. Just, hook up once or twice, and suddenly they're no longer in my matches on Tinder and they are either ignoring my snapchats or have unfriended me. At this point I'm wondering wtf I'm doing wrong (because obviously it has to be me not just them being shitty /s) but still. Is there something I can do? Or some way to make it hurt less and become less attached? 

I'm just sick of feeling used and stepped on, but I feel like I need sex in order to feel validated. I don't know how to deal.",2.133064182194616,4.158563217391304,3.914012422360248,86.11830641821949,78.3167701863354,7.523146997929608,24.39792960662525,8.447377352677275,1.61396115942029,622,22,130,13,15,209,105,161,0.132,0.8079999999999999,0.061,-0.8944,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,9,6,0,0,3,0,13,6,0,3,1,32,26,16,1,1,11,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,0,3,15,2,18,24,5,23,0,1,0,3,5,12,0,7,9,86,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385934677680184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279888796877132,0.2065285755383675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355219692497967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279043867473208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283660883611102,0.13359398060386307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906346566733773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516098462572886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200189080757549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277118899888724,0.15243126299833548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208476057125704,0.09135953608053868,0.0,0.0,0.165490531649558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877624528154905,0.0,0.12482502027732463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492628932432069,0.0,0.0,0.13865931711805876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991506012249193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35355391304468525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979801358824207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396296796620792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493397195424664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180842738992068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150934147984994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484331660932935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027952585481608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445689390185534,0.0,0.0
bpd,thnksfrth_mmrs,2019/10/20,"Can anyone help? I got cancelled on tonight, something that has always affected more than others. I decided to drink and other stuff as we anyway even though I'm on my own. I don't think I can carry on. I called a few friends to try and get me away from ending it all, but now I still feel like what's the point. I've always stopped myself giving up for my mum and cats, but she can look after them. They'll have each other. Can anyone help before I get on my car and drive in to the middle of the motorway to stop all the pain.",2.8540178571428565,3.662772080357143,4.093214285714286,90.65178571428572,73.73214285714286,6.671428571428571,21.142857142857142,6.6274283507984215,0.22446071428571468,411,8,92,3,8,135,80,112,0.10800000000000001,0.773,0.12,0.34,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,1,2,16,16,8,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,2,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,16,2,17,14,6,18,0,0,1,0,10,9,0,0,8,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294878228532135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768790461472341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860185410920742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847528652380936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217038162078071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395526094225066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536076812763401,0.0,0.0,0.13077082202921353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010991824474974,0.1414444139000064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296692713727406,0.0,0.2068836721478243,0.1899304765084387,0.0,0.0,0.15835104612110007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26541764445804794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672813083851332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626210913960102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106757934872167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716496726355225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242271796411205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811542561420375,0.3310577559008179,0.0,0.0,0.2266516914177219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686428303937372,0.1945246075537332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442251613107575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rdkteach,2019/10/20,"Neuro-Psych testing??? Has anyone had a Neuro-Psych exam?  I tried a new psychiatrist... or so I thought.  It was a recently graduated nurse practitioner, not a Dr.  (I’ve had BPD diagnosis for 5+ years.)  I’m getting a second opinion... but she did give me a referral for neuro-psych test... along with a ton of meds that I disagree with.  

I’m curious about the accuracy of the testing & whether or not it is worth it.  I’m kinda nervous about going down that rabbit-hole too.",2.2221505376344126,4.412745408602156,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,78.78494623655914,7.574193548387097,27.53763440860215,8.515128840125781,2.2873569892473125,365,16,70,8,9,129,63,93,0.105,0.8590000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.6828,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,9,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,13,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,5,0,5,0,10,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,3,45,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531590881326182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279069137043172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41051377950522827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029175689211848,0.31267421151408065,0.18524090976740315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620491778130823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31479776604814963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218293756898994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587623219511839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129389139480973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989659591670576
bpd,hiuggghhh,2019/10/20,"Is this relatable? I feel like everything I think or say is for self esteem. Like my internal dialogue will think up some situation where I do something cool and people like me for it. Or I’ll say stupid shit to people to try and look smart. I hate doing this, I’m incapable of not doing this. The real me is hidden behind all of this and I haven’t been my real self since high school. I just want to be myself, a genuine person who goes into situations not trying to get self esteem out of them.",2.3682398239824,4.267080851485154,4.3252805280528035,84.04048404840485,77.11881188118812,7.261166116611661,20.133113311331133,8.167268648758528,0.972840704070407,390,9,78,7,9,133,67,101,0.12300000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.128,-0.3612,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,2,1,10,1,1,0,1,18,18,5,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,4,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,12,5,13,15,2,5,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,3,3,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349900378230915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073276997555262,0.11406661329797813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341976603344141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763876518777556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869765668193276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401667109723376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408062705636653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213869127020923,0.13941564826547115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634735217807671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539482749791165,0.0,0.16159220338150826,0.0,0.0,0.4997045971103667,0.0,0.16389656581888826,0.13207874420683674,0.3589462953254379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291997081009055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046171879931249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680773023534655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417612691756937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iliterallydontexist,2019/04/19,"When I'm socializing with people, I feel like everything I say is a lie or I don't truly mean it. I feel like I don't deserve to speak to them and anything I say I feel like I'm bullshitting them. And either while or after I had the socialization, I have this deep guilt and my chest/stomach hurts like it's being squeezed on the inside like I just told a lie. Even when I'm not lying. 

Then when the conversation is over I feel bad about something. Like You did something bad/embarrassing and everybody is looking at you and you feel that tingling badness in your fingers/palm of your hands.

I'm not sure if this is BPD or not, but I experience every other symptom and honestly this is the most worrying of all the symptoms. I guess I should just see a professional... But I wanted to see if others have the same experience?",3.103038961038962,4.9587158969697,4.596731601731605,83.09795454545456,74.87878787878788,7.6233766233766245,26.331168831168828,8.418075326091056,1.7932077922077925,653,24,131,12,14,218,91,165,0.083,0.809,0.10800000000000001,0.4242,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,2,0,7,12,0,1,9,0,13,4,1,0,2,33,29,18,0,4,13,0,7,6,0,1,3,3,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,13,23,8,12,24,4,11,0,1,3,0,14,5,0,7,12,93,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830915042895854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296827951281804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576635192256006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869314452121145,0.0,0.11089256285596262,0.0,0.11828840755373815,0.2574923496988703,0.0,0.0,0.3327462402560483,0.28208052362233826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499039375610556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089816639021802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858069900904959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105246966199464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336893384866908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124629672166894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933341874532088,0.0,0.0,0.20976259179700785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683328575698359,0.0,0.2026495964492558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404697689012055,0.2735998401878758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257651890767061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763081128812248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366292652650094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,exmilitary24,2019/04/19,"Compulsive lying? I've had a problem with compulsive lying since I was a kid, but now that I'm becoming older, I can't tell or not if it is receding. It frightens me to think that it is a problem that will stay with me. Does anyone else dealing with compulsive lying find it affecting them professionally at work or in real life scenarios?",6.159545454545455,6.5490520757575785,7.651060606060607,69.59659090909092,66.12121212121212,11.44848484848485,34.68181818181819,11.20814326018867,4.209254545454545,271,12,48,8,4,94,46,66,0.26,0.74,0.0,-0.9539,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,14,8,4,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,2,33,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992749747600234,0.2636596876702016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841950470719822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26529059066702865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251866843536254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496186818737614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351902239509812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175613059930465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924502011626922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928919811100778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286175049969536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742740203167855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491323502046726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488335454770053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733553392528904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zayzee123,2019/04/19,Food and moods DAE feel like their moods are super dependent on their diet? Lots of sugar sensitivity? I feel like if I eat sth processed and sweet it’s like I go crazy after until I eat something with protein in it to balance it out.,1.909574468085104,4.320810595744681,3.641957446808512,85.69400000000002,81.34042553191489,5.4621276595744686,22.16595744680852,6.742157984588678,0.6711480851063825,186,6,36,2,5,62,35,47,0.045,0.677,0.278,0.9074,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,9,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,5,8,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,5,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5788139327739821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860159451263955,0.40410938729920576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420006568586086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073951096869932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145311710441532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404530052518032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773730566164887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hows_your_sex_life,2019/04/19,"Do I have a new FP? plus general help I am currently engaging a self diagnosis concerning my mental health (gonna see a professional soon) because while it’s clear there’s something wrong with me, I don’t know exactly what. I thought for the longest time I had Bipolar disorder but recently, reading about BPD, yeeaahhh... I think I might have this.

I just read about this FP thing one hour ago and it’s fascinating. I’ve always had, in the course of my lifetime, a person I was really close with, strongly emotionally dependent on, and towards which I would act in a possessive manner, sometimes scaring them or pissing them off. I even lost a friend like this when I was 13 (internet friend; just stopped messaging me and blocked me)

So I (23m) met this girl (22f) 4 months ago thanks to friends and as soon as I met her I started idealizing her. I didn’t understand what the hell was going on in the beginning. She’s pretty and all but I wasn’t really crushing on her, I just wanted to become BFFs with her or something. Weird. This is literally the first time I’ve felt this for a girl. I called it a platonic crush and my friends were like “wtf ok.”

I was super confused for like 2 months and then I genuinely thought I was in love with her. But it’s weird because I am not nervous at all around  her and I would find it weird to flirt with her. It’s like at the same time I want to be intimate with her and spend my entire life with her... but not necessarily date her and not necessarily in a sexual way. But maybe I do. I don’t know. Well, what I know for sure I that I like her very very very much. we have some common traits and she confessed to me that she was bipolar, something I had sensed from the beginning because I could feel she had a troubled past and also her overexcitement over everything and lack of need for sleep was frankly suspicious (we would party from 7pm to 8am sometimes).

So I grew attached to her and so of course I had to fuck up at some point. It was yesterday. We had a flat party with some friends and I overheard her talking with a friend of mine. They were talking about how a friend of hers was crushing on a friend of mine. Now this is what they said. But this is not what I heard. I was convinced she said SHE was crushing on this friend of mine. I felt so jealous and so much anger that I had to leave the party. They didn’t know why I left but I didn’t want to appear hurt so I pretexted some crazy shit, that I had to take a bus to go somewhere (didn’t make any sense). I then completely lost it. Deactivated my Facebook account, blocked everyone and I walked for 3 hours at night in the fields, aimlessly walking, listening to some dark music at max volume and I would randomly scream at the top of my lungs and punch cars.

They were all worried about me. She tried to call me numerous time that night and I didn’t answer. And before my friend told me that I had totally misunderstood what she said, I texted her some stupid shit along the lines of “We can’t be friends anymore” - she asked why - “because I care about you way more than you think I do, and my speciality is fucking up every relationship I have.” And the famous “I’m not a good person for you all. You deserve better”

I feel so terrible. I think I scared them all a bit (even if thank god they didn’t see me raging, just leaving for no apparent reason). When she confessed to being bipolar I had told her I was maybe bipolar too, or that I had BPD, that I wasn’t sure and she seemed familiar with it.

I absolutely do not want to lose her because of my stupid shit. Do you think there’s a coming back from this? She doesn’t seem upset, she was just worried about me. I fucking love this girl but I’m probably not as special to her as she is to me and I don’t want any false hopes. I feel like I can talk to her about ANYTHING and I want this relationship to be more balanced. How can I redeem myself? How can I make sure this relationship lasts? Right now she’s definitely up there with the best people I’ve ever met.",2.3817772835262616,4.3170057896679035,3.5433385566732376,89.494796542486,77.20418204182042,6.964019612798867,24.66712160272288,7.904047421355793,1.2328113666616116,3149,110,677,51,73,1019,313,813,0.16899999999999998,0.64,0.191,0.961,2,0,3,0,0,0,88.0,4,5,8,10,39,68,13,5,31,1,69,17,6,7,12,141,131,59,0,16,24,0,5,6,11,6,6,6,0,6,38,46,0,3,23,2,2,9,21,29,1,2,50,13,142,39,90,70,20,76,3,4,2,5,94,29,8,18,42,471,180,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969655036796079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043738610453127526,0.045509621315749885,0.0,0.0,0.07438731626031461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424155089559622,0.0,0.0,0.04500833549187416,0.04868907592606712,0.05113131795486711,0.0,0.0,0.042056154569995785,0.0,0.1667041578769063,0.0604050027524146,0.04654039365926293,0.0,0.057397766599944985,0.04837221963450772,0.05971146178214715,0.0,0.13776984771916104,0.0,0.1116969656620211,0.0,0.05576397215144487,0.0,0.0,0.04711386400637062,0.0573454065481323,0.0,0.0,0.04366854718107965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268383088887024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152316109972888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224947542113133,0.0494736715166999,0.04608188368949153,0.052262267783885576,0.04915525891296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296448281123127,0.039073260177419016,0.1050292463125575,0.0,0.049989140456419334,0.04652251658831195,0.0,0.0,0.4648192187696011,0.1516906046171285,0.0,0.0,0.06216749157792634,0.04587456278328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058136949614033775,0.0,0.0,0.03666009986410123,0.0,0.0,0.054323282266633965,0.10772474749063526,0.0,0.058550841899922185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023312392804343,0.04458274520591926,0.0,0.11582566971714806,0.05942497149483667,0.0,0.038631846973527374,0.1603237619012887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118836976433083,0.11940948269776724,0.0,0.09872657606046603,0.0,0.07301706965989564,0.0,0.10989454275575043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511848420600708,0.058021476426228465,0.0,0.0,0.08731213541454272,0.0,0.08041246927143032,0.040554758150686425,0.0,0.052823610870086905,0.0,0.10265284861637312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037061932971467336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221141886696108,0.037917792900921225,0.09551302944797516,0.0,0.0,0.051703317652098235,0.0,0.0,0.05564325528133413,0.058969164781849576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941719771904686,0.0,0.07007649495153984,0.0562343335225764,0.0540035271578325,0.17616201121860053,0.0,0.046708204599816325,0.15607897978690669,0.0,0.10951606629835982,0.0,0.0871677514582418,0.0995823589802688,0.05705755952661331,0.0,0.16842719284645616,0.0,0.0,0.05473329714781031,0.0,0.0,0.1263178732566583,0.10818712936096818,0.0,0.03871255169010365,0.0,0.0,0.04572646410486681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546447718547669,0.0,0.04112292932452664,0.13188240906230028,0.0,0.10070940160122636,0.0,0.0,0.036336129059184936,0.1401823091274148,0.0,0.08684153241734753,0.12756957366117758,0.0,0.0,0.10452453556777117,0.0,0.0371334986067809,0.0,0.0,0.0569381725370092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353843338977745,0.1935589145584134,0.08682678203771703,0.0,0.0,0.04917629281007141,0.0,0.09870529113144112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108841341852134,0.0,0.1554116192623699,0.059799082072288685,0.0,0.0
bpd,emroseliv,2019/04/19,"Just got diagnosed with BPD today! Hey guys I was diagnosed with mild to moderate BPD today. Any tips on how to move forward with treatment? Any books, videos, websites or information that you could link me to would be amazing. I have a lot of support from my family and friends. I have been seeing a psychotherapist for a month and a half now & I am so happy to have this Reddit community. Thanks!",3.5822556390977454,5.921853315789473,4.636390977443612,81.15973684210526,75.05263157894737,8.027067669172935,26.646616541353367,8.841846274778883,2.231893233082708,316,12,59,7,7,103,58,76,0.0,0.779,0.221,0.9573,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,0,13,13,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,7,5,11,7,1,7,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,5,42,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577775223192213,0.0,0.2583036121763909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783940475862533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163530615750595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855286893656447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790392485972386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673137261127658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518960129919404,0.0,0.0,0.18805021283642925,0.0,0.2021728916839665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146280915918093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515919722489205,0.201854424647534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513412917611184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551845380595672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485240442528066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600430519003978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491339870755792,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alienziscoming,2019/04/19,"DAE feel like their mind ""turns over"" every few months? I've had this experience since I was probably 12 years old... I'll become super immersed in something, be it a hobby, a topic of interest, a video game, writing, drawing, yoga, martial arts, whatever it is. This can go on for three months to a year where I really build my identity around this thing... and then one day, like literally, I wake up and it's like someone wiped my memory. I just don't think about the thing I was obsessed with anymore. It's not gradual either. I literally wake up one day with zero interest. Sometimes I'm conscious of it, but other times I'll just forget I ever cared about it from one day to the next. It won't even occur to me to think about it anymore. Other times when I *am* conscious of losing interest, even if I don't want to, I can't help it. My brain just stops caring. It's SO frustrating...",3.2258353510895867,4.747192717514128,4.874047619047619,82.63639830508475,73.80225988700565,7.994995964487491,25.637207425343018,8.634040054169528,1.814422437449556,689,23,137,13,14,233,108,177,0.076,0.7879999999999999,0.136,0.888,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,2,13,12,1,1,6,0,11,3,3,0,1,23,20,7,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,1,5,4,0,1,5,3,0,5,3,1,15,9,21,15,2,23,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,18,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881035449762235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129305810253439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042033404212722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215019146615015,0.0,0.0,0.29618987277318104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28102816831508914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187624291537747,0.13138949671982625,0.1223817703487015,0.0,0.0,0.14208513535901332,0.0,0.0,0.07344419302907285,0.1037686476974119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255052819357267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735990726333968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288958088878754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250075771571376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666394702306246,0.0,0.2318788393494857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447802798106014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524184064087278,0.0,0.2952812215851802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566071133423036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305267954960976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015463841389215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307224784578608,0.11182272162887588,0.1436587587147456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143786626969155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299904629966386,0.18614429130307167,0.0,0.0,0.16939618150683566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799336395424893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567387996421934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870761148896711
bpd,imsoeffed88,2019/04/19,"Somehow I’m alive TW SH 
So well, I’m alive. Hey guys. Rewind a few weeks. My SO and I got into a fight and things escalated. He said he didn’t love me than when I tried to leave he used it as a power play to make me more compliant. A few nights later he pushes me so hard on the couch I bounce off and hit the floor. He continues to scream at me. I quit my job that day because this fight happened about 15 min before I was supposed to be at work and he was just tearing into me.

Than another fight, I fake call his coworkers SO letting them know that they hooked up. 
He called my mom. I’m older but my mom is a millionaire and will cut me out of the will In a second. Not to mention she verbally abused me for most of my life. 

Now my mom thinks I’m crazy, and I have to see her on Easter. 

So we had another fight where again he abandons me tells me Awful things he knows hurts. 

I took the pills. All of them.
The last few days are a blur. Idk how or when he found me because I made sure to do it before he got home. He didn’t call 911. 

When I woke up, my first thought was fuck I failed AGAIN. Wtf am I waking up. I just drank and took enough pills to kill a horse. 
He told me he made me throw up but not much came out. I fell down the stairs and my legs are ripped to shreds. 

I’ve recently have been trying to heal from my sexual assaults and abuse. It’s been rough. But my SO treating me like garbage is what puts me over the edge 
Why can’t life just let me go? 
I’ve tried so many times but I’m such a fucking failure",-0.2846396396396393,1.6241926606606611,1.4829654654654654,100.90570945945947,86.35735735735737,4.901201201201201,16.457207207207208,6.139981653823899,-0.7290306306306307,1168,24,297,10,36,380,183,333,0.20600000000000002,0.746,0.048,-0.9958,2,0,0,0,6,0,31.0,1,0,3,5,23,20,9,0,16,1,22,11,2,5,2,41,52,26,1,0,10,3,2,1,0,2,5,2,2,1,9,15,1,1,5,1,0,8,5,14,1,2,21,5,46,6,35,25,8,45,0,3,1,3,38,19,2,4,19,175,55,3,0.0,0.2431052281474935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514954427156188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507607025141404,0.0,0.17459341209571705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142682005192228,0.11733586111096313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232438683988287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600310308502167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726317368413959,0.0,0.11248486161918443,0.0,0.18968597785446287,0.0,0.0,0.05830437616991254,0.0,0.16410151317535807,0.0,0.0,0.10158042950424112,0.09072017710116607,0.0,0.09190067050831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290633761956462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982493340330493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180494587350086,0.0,0.11350085886272175,0.0,0.1127617844576734,0.0836247074217237,0.0,0.1086282113997739,0.0,0.209810865139666,0.1449249877009864,0.05012039082168389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259166298163346,0.1941466599227285,0.06847975667377358,0.1040103629822951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36045721513947054,0.0,0.0,0.0754156028842847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627395522529372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313148893440477,0.0,0.10911730824365198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129544821558586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758677532511896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175110884981113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669005158029237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966835867283526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631274374772678,0.06573565923507367,0.0,0.0814451612043243,0.05982117198064341,0.0,0.0,0.09802933472214598,0.227962979118532,0.20895603953015995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860499586148021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229167215452897,0.0,0.09224091247259576,0.0,0.09257170070750724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468688913149678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cal102432,2019/04/19,"At what point did you realize something was different about your mentality? I was in a developing country on a motorcycle late at night waiting on a train to pass so I could cross. There was honestly about 500 other bikes jammed into this small section of the road. There was a guy who got in front of everyone and took a piss on the railroad track.
I chuckled an thought that I loved that moment but then I realized that I was not a normal person.",4.11152709359606,5.946274701149428,5.126108374384238,80.44758620689656,72.10344827586206,8.649589490968804,29.66995073891625,9.23628265651192,2.6627123152709364,357,15,68,8,7,117,63,87,0.023,0.9,0.077,0.4939,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,1,0,9,0,7,2,1,0,0,10,12,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,9,0,8,3,13,2,1,20,0,0,0,1,6,12,1,0,4,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187747550969546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862822169559287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618283770197171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915089489777545,0.0,0.0,0.27131306225270896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30909530898078746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473047982295539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761377160884615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713990120768365,0.26847170376664364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392550356598829,0.0,0.0,0.2590280965870727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094634903163675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753339890227744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044352846643407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,square_is_not_round,2019/04/19,"What did you do when you first heard you had BPD? Context: I’ve always felt I was quite normal, maybe a bit misunderstood at times. I always felt I have the best intentions with people even though I would lash out at times. 

I’m 25 by now, and I’ve failed a lot of very diverse studies. I never really knew exactly why I couldn’t concentrate or push through when things got hard. I always expected me to be better than I was, even though I had the introspection to see that I had to grow into things. Back then I suspected ADHD or maybe ADD.

Anyways. It’s a few years later now and I quit my desk job after a huge temper tantrum and the feeling of guild afterwards. I work in a restaurant as a waiter now and I’m doing just fine I guess. But I still had this empty feeling that there must be more to it. So I sought help, thinking it was depression or maybe bipolar disorder. And now just this week I got the diagnose of BPD and Narcissistic personality disorder. And I’m a little bit at a loss.

Does this mean I’m a self centered asshole. And what if I don’t want to be like this, what if I don’t want to lash out to my loved ones. Could I learn to cope. Can I heal? Or is this part of who I am and do I have to find workarounds to be a functioning member of society? 

My life has pretty much turned upside down and I don’t really know what to make of this soup of emotions in my head.

How was it for you all to hear you have BPD. And how did you move on with therapy or other means? Did you feel bad for the label because of social stigma? Can you heal from this disorder or do you just have to deal with it and make the best of life?",1.5828120003761867,3.347431110787173,3.3461525439668947,90.77944324273493,79.0,6.758167967647887,20.977052572180945,7.717688229018142,0.6623340355497039,1273,34,286,20,31,425,173,343,0.102,0.799,0.099,-0.3222,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,9,0,9,21,12,2,0,16,0,35,8,1,5,4,62,61,30,0,10,12,0,6,1,0,2,6,2,0,2,22,19,0,0,13,0,0,3,5,6,0,2,17,9,38,6,43,36,10,34,0,3,1,1,18,13,0,10,19,207,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935616662589788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271409426727024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996816876692516,0.07597553711059668,0.055468621759351126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098353909773225,0.08047610775695191,0.1986820563130478,0.0,0.3438083220434865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265068121924873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381001333324596,0.07837232622702432,0.09235620193520404,0.0,0.0,0.31285833691406184,0.0,0.07962877917595332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235512406956103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020032599923065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802671676355005,0.0,0.17473551984476432,0.0,0.08316615372304174,0.07739878563303966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455511793129462,0.0,0.10023928944075583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151205137177024,0.0,0.09338529428120634,0.0,0.10255597104582223,0.0,0.06099083666897465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029672941494724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000749350710793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854240319680565,0.0444546905787905,0.09119911025623607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773591808810246,0.0821249327976784,0.0,0.12147736056864175,0.0,0.2742447565421525,0.1982365822254916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671139149170334,0.06689048580968708,0.0,0.070179580079047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915403497124298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616593601457356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853678899779543,0.0,0.06308324096881973,0.07945176909521816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257281641824333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935649780553361,0.0,0.0,0.11658517226541593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250981464452347,0.0,0.09492577234427256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927561277668274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726673022675068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405867611196064,0.0,0.12090370298209027,0.058304780616829074,0.17880075142150387,0.0,0.10611775554270386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897449295685497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507893529028832,0.10734031628772116,0.0,0.07298927168896226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210722709536879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624414718643194,0.0,0.0,0.06463897208429263,0.0,0.0,0.0585966497330396
bpd,Slimkimthekilla,2019/04/19,"Can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel I was diagnosed with BPD by my ex-therapist (who I already had a rocky relationship with) but I had already self-diagnosed myself a couple years back. 

The reason I’m on here is to ask why it always feels as though most of my friends/relationships are always rocky? It almost feels like everyone in my life is my frenemy, sometimes they like me, and other times they don’t. Is it just because I am mistrusting of them or do I just attract people who do not know how to act  towards others?",7.801869158878508,5.951353672897199,8.305532710280378,73.6317570093458,63.67289719626168,11.550654205607474,35.418691588785045,10.355215969177356,3.4314912149532706,421,15,83,8,5,141,74,107,0.0,0.9079999999999999,0.092,0.851,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,12,2,0,2,0,15,18,6,0,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,14,3,13,15,1,9,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,3,6,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894702611067758,0.0,0.3723697230046825,0.0,0.28077431586842416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772885384634333,0.0,0.0,0.12973397367471262,0.0,0.10284912184956267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249481770164366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668361194163305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34249108649595306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943435321775986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121758496894528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706181039615276,0.12053240147778405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092723176274642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917073896824484,0.16485449766387394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169680394298544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347053289645703,0.0,0.3622806690973322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444665695892422,0.0,0.17601000379739995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686673253849962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589497341555587,0.0,0.0,0.1657648927129097,0.0,0.09838100915472726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224204129134802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086490663949757
bpd,mayumemes,2019/04/19,"Help, I don't want my fp to leave me. I feel like because of my bpd making me hard to love and handle, my fp will leave me too just like my parents and other friends. I am suicidal right now but when I contacted my two friends they're not available. Suicide hotlines in my country don't really help. I don't know what to do anymore, I am getting worse, my emotions are getting way out of control and I feel like I will never heal because although there are a few people who want to help me like my fps (so and like 2 friends) they don't know how and the tips I give to them either don't really work much or are too difficult for them. My friends live kind of far from here while my SO lives in a different country which makes my situation worse. I am terribly afraid that I'm already damaging their mental health and draining them way too much, but nobody has any effect on me except for them. I apologize if what I'm writing is all over the place and I cannot organize my thoughts properly at the moment. I'm just taking a shot if somebody out there might have some golden advice or something.",6.152518684603884,5.440916206278028,6.526558295964126,81.36932922272048,66.30941704035874,9.585799701046339,33.82997010463378,8.841846274778883,2.640743198804185,866,34,178,12,12,281,124,223,0.14800000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.142,-0.0985,2,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,6,3,13,15,0,1,6,0,19,3,0,5,2,37,36,19,2,4,11,1,3,5,4,3,2,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,3,35,11,19,32,6,17,0,1,0,1,20,10,0,6,10,122,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111484172664768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589747630758846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758284719335805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314331975460347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139092349150511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436881659508155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795790039320315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919628711018015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833214710285418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537129564570947,0.1630070784155052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525723102005568,0.0,0.1192111517126748,0.10944232870020727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219924661698757,0.0,0.0,0.12126879433073025,0.0,0.0,0.2294096683819078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188037097483833,0.12539809943736266,0.0,0.0,0.24160261954571685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786849189343997,0.0,0.20148123797753945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296767311269284,0.0,0.1523074750568103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497252899189565,0.1210279269588498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677336575524305,0.0,0.08799067243766001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667974479958868,0.0,0.0,0.07909333150955447,0.0,0.11919628711018015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617368317592933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974293920609397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823819612365456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782949165120517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24958459798122684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577897690953798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905720716687088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114460982790488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345825466494577,0.18111337528430185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305645387772494,0.0,0.2325281250397443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,brainofcain,2019/04/19,DAE look back at their trauma and feel like it didn’t even happen to them? Like you look back and your mind kind of tells you that it couldn’t have happened to you and that it feels like it happened to someone else?,3.968,4.570144466666669,3.3711111111111123,97.61,71.0,6.0,21.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.4089999999999998,171,3,40,0,3,50,29,45,0.055999999999999994,0.785,0.158,0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,6,4,5,8,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,5,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267220818911101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774748277586747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032131127113046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484234451337766,0.30354883944969835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.563606861346474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123412410666388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31137721577601274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568092148868008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145140747992662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000831094470246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569078312582266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Confusedlady88,2019/04/19,"BPD and Domestic Violence And Sex Hello, I'm new to this site and was advised by a friend to join. I've been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, Severe Anxiety and Depression. My whole life has been abuse and a string of DV relationships. I've struggled with self image who I am and who I want to be and who I should be. Very impulsive and risky sexual behaviors. I use sex as a buffer and to define my selfworth. Sex is a big problem for me. I'm very indecisive and take on traitsof those I have around me. Guess I'm looking for support and people who understand and can help me define what this illness is. Thanks",2.676446280991737,4.737284413223144,4.303305785123968,83.80223140495869,76.76859504132231,8.036363636363637,25.876033057851238,8.841846274778883,2.085357024793389,478,18,95,11,11,160,75,121,0.214,0.675,0.111,-0.9309999999999999,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,4,0,12,6,0,1,0,22,23,13,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,8,15,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,10,3,13,17,1,5,0,1,1,3,10,4,0,2,1,60,18,1,0.0,0.21105399125679528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626836151784372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585727664757772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486950198633309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342243141829295,0.18079740310900624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762218924038805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622941221744428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119396257664781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581793209555256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495836771760621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203830534037864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349236876224165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044560138365378,0.2082235194009168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124411335640645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582761924317848,0.20123530989989044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621933097581325,0.0,0.0,0.20213892166779726,0.0,0.0,0.13393100083640844,0.0,0.0,0.16399744828055612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854387943402067,0.0,0.1538464488350004,0.0,0.29395051429673674,0.10506522587045618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988749066084816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CommanderShepnerd,2019/04/19,"Is anyone else not in a relationship? Hello, lurker here! 
Seeing so many topics about having a boyfriend/girlfriend remind me of how lonely I am. I feel incapable of a relationship and barely capable of making any friends. I feel like I’m better off alone for the foreseeable future because I don’t have a reign on my emotions at all, and I rarely trust anyone enough to let them get close anyway.",6.040399999999997,7.157278906666669,6.622666666666664,74.29800000000002,66.6,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.341533333333334,318,10,53,5,5,104,61,75,0.129,0.725,0.146,0.3176,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,1,9,12,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,8,4,10,11,2,6,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367871088104995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554732065954694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197205857077595,0.2342538826803971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936800670276195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220071041141852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098730145698992,0.2571729595027076,0.0,0.23623129750672425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311998841497529,0.16333013092349735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766355244962765,0.0,0.11944740808826144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337851037398312,0.0,0.11169489015669674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260932275742145,0.2317904126046737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909165368751544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182184954535856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sagethearchmage,2019/04/19,"Bf/fp of 8 years broke up with me Sorry for a jumbled mess of my feelings, nothing is clear and everything hurts. We were together since I was 16 him 17. I just don't understand, he says because his insecurities and him becoming more toxic and he doesn't want to put me through that. Though he bared with me through the worst of my emotions in the early stages of our relationship. I thought being in a relationship is battling your demons together.. Everything is just too much. I just don't know how to be right now. I want to work it out, but he doesn't see it getting better. He says he will probably regret breaking up, but if he didn't he'd probably regret it worse. I want him to change his mind, but now I'm scared. I'm scared of everything and I don't know what to do..",3.2944339622641508,4.561092861635224,4.568694968553462,85.90700471698116,73.21383647798744,8.318867924528304,27.715408805031448,8.841846274778883,1.9622238993710688,611,23,132,12,12,202,91,159,0.228,0.748,0.024,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,0,2,8,11,1,3,4,0,16,0,0,1,1,28,28,10,0,6,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,4,4,21,1,20,20,3,13,1,4,1,0,20,6,0,1,4,84,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057479430161862,0.16409820753026896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314095550797057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571810719880943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713583309385605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40061035563717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512800980961051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762846490679823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590611334717857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331461984386667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002643498721724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092255729596592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256935897155815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32039512620903804,0.0,0.0,0.14936691530964954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31904499030083994,0.0,0.1268890373733248,0.0,0.23631826951487106,0.2975149301621142,0.0,0.11840138330404833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290936125958615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632646085864186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598200538710304,0.11795827464223425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546801030978996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629142412320349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081701656682268,0.0,0.1514187316803867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956825557945167
bpd,gardensofmymind,2019/04/19,"New FP I just got out of a awful relationship with a narcissist a while ago. 

Decided to give Tinder a try. 

I usually hate those kinda apps but I actually met someone intelligent kind and cute as heck. 


I’m trying not to be overbearing and get too attached and keep a level head. 

After being put down for so long in my old relationship and being called permanently broken. It’s so nice to hang out with someone where for the first time in well over a couple years where I’ve felt like myself. 

It’s so surreal and I’m trying to keep a level head and no get too attached or project too much commitment too soon

My lithium and CBD oil helps me stay conscious of myself and it helps so much with being level is ridiculous.",2.176666666666666,4.6150391608391645,4.053874125874128,82.9782470862471,80.46853146853147,6.890256410256409,22.82004662004661,8.021203637495839,1.4382041025641024,572,19,109,11,15,193,90,143,0.09,0.706,0.203,0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,13,7,2,0,8,1,5,2,2,0,1,24,16,16,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,3,2,8,5,19,9,2,25,0,0,0,0,7,11,1,2,12,73,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.1518435672829931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793038665702667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588854291221426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216890855682612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940080754960014,0.0,0.0,0.13235364037269035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258959776427012,0.14926610427051026,0.0,0.0,0.12444787269623013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362320372405444,0.3193818495807641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208591367331972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766096108599234,0.0,0.16203389618656786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601850702981623,0.0,0.0,0.13770147795496307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287684291374891,0.0,0.0,0.1502798582061852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327646920083025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642140230805301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341132450834814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636794670452448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584934769487605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073185799610656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169274201484039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137188294664651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399034671972476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002015708951976
bpd,_ratsratsrats_,2019/04/19,"I'm worried I have BPD and I'm really worried that I'll die alone I turn from rather normal to incredibly hostile and violent like nothing, often without even feeling different. Just angry without feeling it. All combined with extreme and constant misery. I don't know what to do. I already fear that I will die alone. I'm a nonbinary trans person, autistic, asexual, not that attractive or energetic or fun. I can't. I need a partner. I just want some older adopted kids, a partner who really loves me, a book deal so I can just work on that. Why would anybody want to be with somebody so horrible and unstable as me? Why would they let me adopt kids? It's like every day my dreams are falling apart. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it. I can't even imagine anybody loving me. I can imagine being murdered so much more easily. I've never had anybody really love me. Never had any friends. I'm just such a bad person",0.9617572463768091,3.507876733695653,3.3684782608695687,84.56746376811596,88.72826086956522,5.8927536231884075,26.14492753623189,7.333567415737692,1.771431884057972,725,34,135,13,24,249,105,184,0.325,0.525,0.149,-0.9902,1,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,12,17,7,1,5,0,16,3,0,0,3,32,34,10,3,7,10,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,0,6,12,6,0,0,5,2,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,2,22,8,10,26,4,8,0,0,0,3,13,2,0,4,7,90,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388866201982474,0.12726548658591974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842586752621537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629267870156352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524949103580007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462680567750603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437595012391396,0.11889639502960138,0.0,0.0,0.2393810714153089,0.12049148182486424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234392294480753,0.0,0.097167417438303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977419780759894,0.11662492775094822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910084604231885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554435480497006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338034172684838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792899868083642,0.0,0.1126852510552071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122595799130469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477813126727239,0.08551302157892865,0.17789356977167795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299532943001045,0.11065873588088844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139702764114012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164302408243866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544194371500306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604492947475474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081281722631724,0.0,0.0,0.22234095724562586,0.0,0.0839589507817048,0.23423899751862226,0.0,0.16384904950264562,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Straighter_Flush,2019/04/19,"As A Child Not Yet A Man As A Child Not Yet A Man,

Clueless, blissful,

Life with no plan,

Covered in motherly love,

Lovingly guided from above,

​

By teenage years my passions arose,

Pleasure I mindlessly sought and chose,

A saddened guardian now behind,

A boy wandered with one thing in mind,

​

As a man I now feel none,

I feel empty,

I feel cold,

Even before the Sun,

I leave sadness in my wake,

Slow seconds,

Slow drowning in this lifeless lake,

​

Kill me,

Love me,

Fuck me,

Don't stop loving me,

​

This emptiness within me holds,

I try to forget it by filling Her holes,

Halfway to climax I open my eyes,

Death stares back and denies my prize,

​

Finally - I'm dying,

No air - drowning,

She is my death,

She is my saviour",10.117156177156176,7.464003804195805,8.640664335664335,75.56304778554781,59.90909090909091,10.652214452214453,42.71445221445221,7.793537801064563,3.60755571095571,596,27,109,4,6,181,92,143,0.221,0.595,0.185,-0.6549,0,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,8,0,3,9,2,0,0,14,12,5,6,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,0,6,21,7,16,12,1,18,0,1,2,6,14,7,1,0,10,67,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756398546477254,0.5334145894154899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751044388663713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470874754767164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111938451724888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579890649314986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331783449694521,0.0,0.0,0.09617727966522877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116687601645156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713432951949276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296430517746776,0.0,0.0,0.06201359025830053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169607417224485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864990285202871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059493493206476074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340219096703418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058328399897450624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960837360522976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334145894154899,0.05653836456582095
bpd,scorpstelli,2019/04/19,"anyone else relate to this? basically i have two different types of ways of being when im attracted to someone. One of them is when i get completely obsessed with the person, i schedule my life around their texts, i create what i call “false memories” of them, where i envision us doing things together that cause me to become attached to who ive made them to be instead of who they actually are. ive only felt this way about someone a few times, it sends me spiralling. The weird thing is its always a love at first sight (one sided) and i dont even know them well!! but im obsessed!! every small cue that theyre upset/annoyed etc will make me so depressed, i start thinking no one will love me, im unlovable, etc. an example is if they leave me on read, ill start being all depressed but the moment they text me, im happy, blushing & beaming like nothing happened!! i also cannot control myself from trying to find every single detail about them and their lives, i become fixated and start collecting “facts” .

is this common?",3.9601067839195983,5.753381075376886,4.91489635678392,81.97777167085428,72.41708542713567,7.186055276381911,27.010364321608037,7.865858978985527,1.7487208542713568,810,29,147,11,16,264,130,199,0.147,0.752,0.10099999999999999,-0.8942,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,10,2,11,12,0,2,6,0,16,4,0,4,2,18,28,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,6,1,5,2,2,31,6,18,21,5,19,0,2,1,2,18,6,0,1,11,106,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.10656095364501478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873251566965171,0.09086102122187656,0.11831538519792732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635339197067817,0.11188568596767412,0.0,0.09720887656476536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411999958828583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150279956212036,0.0,0.0,0.11217585504168166,0.0,0.0,0.1144914427038698,0.0,0.12247421894791848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810319740855644,0.0,0.0,0.11408808772612995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797859137411385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122045274179984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435680307081485,0.07212388204642099,0.0,0.18400711281708215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048466709040748,0.0,0.0998044857451314,0.09288329027608973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705115765039233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656293929998794,0.11624270989804608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718079125634061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001205958737421,0.0,0.0,0.11562432657032147,0.0,0.0,0.0771293842097337,0.05334835547343443,0.0,0.09642334384250954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710991353577265,0.10332526201149173,0.07289014195368614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477789280732556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198504278119635,0.08304957696005329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534699635739208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092269946063906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504528026916006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187153918045364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509185961628115,0.06996931306122331,0.0,0.0,0.06367390787144707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413789672175497,0.0,0.10667003600071953,0.0,0.13135108027859932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335169700974834,0.0,0.0,0.0981816164460759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dontnobodyknow,2019/04/19,"Feeling sympathetic towards a promiscuous BPD ex-GF A little backstory:


We dated for a few months and this past Monday she left me audio messages saying that I had a good life and didn’t deserve someone like her and her problems. Basically broke up with me. She had been going through other stuff (family problems, depression, job loss, etc.). She told me in one of the audio messages that she was going to deactivate WhatsApp for a few days until she gets back on her feet. 

I didn’t respond to her right away. I asked one of her friends if she’s ok and she said my ex-gf wasn’t doing too well because of the job loss. She then asked me if I’ve seen my ex-gf’s WhatsApp profile pic lately to which I replied “No, she deactivated it.” Her friend came clean and told me that my ex-gf didn’t deactivate it, she just blocked me. And she had a picture of her and her bf as her new profile picture - which confirmed my earlier suspicion that she was dating another guy for longer than I am. She denied this when I asked her about him. 



So with this information, I thought she didn’t deserve a response. I blocked her on social media. She found out about it Tuesday night and called me 10 times in two days. Sent me messages on Facebook asking if we could talk.



Her friend uncovered more stuff about her because I kept asking her. She also tried to ‘hurt’ her friend by trying to message a guy she’s dating. 



Is it normal to feel sympathetic about her self-destructive behaviour? This along with her depression, physical and mental illness makes me feel guilty about not saying anything to her in the end. I feel like I added more stress to her life.



She’s lied to me multiple times, am I putting others’ feelings ahead of my own?",4.1053823191733665,5.738206083582089,4.792611940298509,83.650846727899,71.74626865671641,7.541905855338693,28.70551090700345,8.139509932561175,1.919307692307692,1358,53,263,20,26,436,165,335,0.128,0.77,0.102,-0.8049,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,0,3,12,18,0,1,11,1,16,4,1,1,0,38,39,18,0,7,5,0,5,2,5,0,3,5,1,2,18,17,0,3,8,0,0,5,7,9,1,3,20,11,67,9,42,18,6,38,0,6,1,0,67,13,0,3,22,185,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609739990711457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978091147553687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830649555612075,0.0,0.4447969779880293,0.0,0.0894035819514601,0.07317022602485425,0.0,0.1160142294116306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984751102532595,0.0,0.09716642317092956,0.1088348033462828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597550227990163,0.0,0.0,0.12273740085323767,0.0,0.1639179908574587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842812803085569,0.0,0.10612574049996287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897060004341083,0.0,0.2405723974450039,0.06798052051932937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043352618529846,0.2940737224556805,0.0,0.049715854206522116,0.0,0.1081603740680647,0.07981357691791223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844172556026986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018680471280958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888582255912927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734177872474104,0.0,0.10338887709195893,0.0,0.13442508016780205,0.09297827325881597,0.09537279063202864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351835474870934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589635544991533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595379021591098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190368416542544,0.0,0.08929884593768651,0.093234123528431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896233810092422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083857900549523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821057082137245,0.0,0.0956595469680885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126396535126773,0.09051655138630813,0.15134608996383808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927000149384532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700106424819444,0.08062662138989328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900256829919552,0.0,0.21786508967481333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764839754407418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554440747484943,0.11097418004714632,0.0,0.0,0.18185409414709355,0.0,0.12921136104489264,0.0,0.09295502802088663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555799969749113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,vtyerdho,2019/04/19,"Getting diagnosed? Hi so first off I do want to say I am not diagnosed. I have been dealing with a lot of depression for majority of my life as far as I can remember and more recently anxiety as well. I am not looking for a diagnosis, I have suspected I have bpd for a long time now but I’ve been holding off on getting assessed until after I turned 18 so I really could rule out normal teenage mood swings. I am now at the point where I would like to get things sorted out.  I tried going for counselling in my area only to find out there is a 4 month wait list (I am leaving for university in September hopefully so I do not have 4 months) I also tried to email a psychologist in the nearest city to me but have not received a response. I was just wondering sort of what process I would have to go through/you guys went through to get diagnosed. 
Thank you to anyone who responds i really appreciate it",3.4959340659340654,4.925745406593407,5.234945054945055,80.68505494505494,72.95604395604396,9.156043956043957,30.582417582417587,9.606745405546679,2.9055230769230764,712,32,144,18,14,243,110,182,0.031,0.8690000000000001,0.1,0.9091,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,8,0,20,4,0,0,0,27,34,11,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,5,0,2,4,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,4,2,22,4,33,27,3,29,0,1,1,0,9,15,0,5,11,107,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585278309606035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082543704589448,0.0,0.0,0.10129673158640044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245916044920832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566720278211184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493549909389464,0.12477663798980665,0.4411211302418418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240889425745195,0.12322666329705448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027551575141307,0.0,0.16466634039785005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344444346475088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388896611717553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533968049245283,0.0,0.0,0.1023262271402185,0.07077634543130261,0.0,0.0,0.128205719250955,0.12165462483966465,0.0,0.0,0.12316360854236286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312682954726004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194220437853294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101804450143789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694932653872025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561533815650505,0.0,0.1430420137590632,0.0,0.1641098891944058,0.0,0.0,0.115206733439115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333771733780197,0.0,0.0,0.09624543703681372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447507816271119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671494430759312,0.15757736273041412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544829809151414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302558614773318,0.13429628501853913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571057372509189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582350960035373,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alysin_Chainz,2019/04/19,"Physically but not emotionally present? Example: completely dead eyes and no ability to feel for a given period of time. When I get really bad I legit have no emotion or life in my eyes whatsoever and it can take days or even weeks to get back to normal. It understandably stresses my wife out because she can't tell who or where I am.

I also get and stay ridiculously fucking pissed off. I mean like demon from hell raging about everything and nothing. Anything can set me off. Something is making noise? I'm fucking mad about it. Dogs are barking? Pisses me off. Wife breathes in my direction? You guessed it, mad as fuck again.

I don't understand it and I don't know how to snap out of it. I feel like I've lost myself and I don't know how to get back.

Does anyone else get like this and if so what do you do? Is there a name for this?

TIA guys!",0.7454864433811821,3.2243474853801177,2.622650186071237,90.10357655502396,88.76608187134502,6.1500265816055295,21.22301967038809,7.520522993642371,0.9820853801169588,664,23,139,13,22,220,107,171,0.29,0.621,0.08900000000000001,-0.9938,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,13,16,10,1,2,0,13,9,5,3,0,28,34,18,1,2,6,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,2,4,18,3,20,32,0,19,2,1,2,3,9,8,6,5,12,89,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039517411958136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652483110356501,0.14144423269477882,0.11359992880392696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122973939252215,0.11526247445733645,0.08415143665801263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473839189801174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902811892861555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080480737472896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531954988292263,0.3105658827122604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117794708763872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406666124898125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960020571910947,0.09861994507869512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382863345120628,0.3606161569470132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207300899982976,0.1366870427242772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173271982659042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750582903802846,0.20232661059918866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069329475013715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214664155190827,0.0,0.0,0.15037234262664068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525557132531427,0.1324586654971199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843567252960177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627439896631707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471384522018623,0.0,0.0,0.15813099424631213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379325945787428,0.0,0.1206581113384436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049561446275581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874210865939587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073201169294804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fyrface86,2019/04/19,"Feeling invisible is the worst Hate when no one texts back. Such a blow to self esteem, even when I try to use logic and reason, my self esteem still takes a hit.
Needing other people so much makes me feel weak, and I hate hate hate that. I wish I could be stronger. 
Maybe it's just time to go to bed.",2.2147619047619083,3.50378380952381,3.1843174603174624,94.67457142857144,75.98412698412699,5.674920634920635,18.949206349206353,5.6839178017228535,-0.4405022222222219,232,4,54,1,5,74,49,63,0.312,0.599,0.08900000000000001,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,3,0,3,1,0,3,0,12,16,5,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,0,2,6,0,4,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368439397220187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420904050618813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754406650543367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799686918750978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114149233496728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7028135506372603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879288039265687,0.0,0.17878955337699373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082459880591255,0.13195863807702699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205935486347886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337837872194628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297744588283005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713121808866392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212291255444587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380737538217874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037727012071396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208264116624512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537044403604868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465072764823292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GOLDFEEDSMYFAMILY,2019/04/19,"Should I stop trying with my kid's mom who has bpd? It's been over 5 years of this, break up with me to work on her self 3 times now. We were going to work on things until yesterday when I asked about our lack of communication and she blew it completely out of proportion, ""I should have known trying was a mistake"" she said. ""You need me to validate you all the time, your negativity is every day?

Why do I have to ask why you don't talk? I'm always the first to say hi, it seems like I am the only one who cares about us... I saw a therapist today to confirm its not well me and she tells me that bpd can take 8+ years of treatment to make a difference? Is this accurate? She made the whole relationship seem hopeless.

I asked her if she is going to see a psychiatrist soon (it's been since before our 4 and 2 year old) and she tells me she doesn't think it's my concern. Just yesterday we were working on it and this Friday was worlds of fun with the kids, now she is staying home with her family.

We currently have our kids 50/50, I want them 100%, the times i don't have them or her are painful. I  want to be together and have her love me back, why can't she express love with me again? Am I wasting my time? I want to be a family again.",1.7217594192879382,3.1644315475285225,3.474554096094021,91.44410214310406,77.63117870722434,7.21527825786381,21.08002073971656,8.00094639256281,0.6621650190114061,959,24,227,16,22,321,142,263,0.079,0.8270000000000001,0.094,0.6054,1,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,7,4,2,4,11,9,0,0,11,0,29,3,0,2,1,35,51,10,0,9,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,4,14,15,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,3,1,2,9,4,49,6,29,38,3,34,0,1,2,2,47,7,0,4,24,156,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049592680714806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30502402833191483,0.0,0.0,0.08362870478202161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254561862739416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739554778740901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088671354306666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403139739837714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701403454608811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362966316677844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163387110093384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050559916251096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251007005420164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362011822921967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909381472493383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313399307296415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631789372846936,0.10291008424270308,0.07259725746528628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737684109753922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064317652355392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412393011207413,0.0,0.07369769021471963,0.08271587020344927,0.11572689407675366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676611093459276,0.0,0.0,0.103454401674268,0.08648926048964127,0.0,0.0,0.08666657981153918,0.19801961890732686,0.11345901331259653,0.0,0.0,0.08996629659161266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592227256079635,0.0,0.09092711890686772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177298546230642,0.08741610010219902,0.19011974449829014,0.0,0.0,0.12627719968809306,0.07225442842032807,0.06968816494008716,0.0,0.0,0.25367222286390906,0.0,0.10309050335835912,0.0,0.0,0.1476799971020461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082329019729294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924460461142884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778710668477852,0.0,0.2944133529392109,0.1214251722555037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753282354917196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011105513124528
bpd,iamanis,2019/04/19,Question: Has anyone here had success in therapy that was NOT DBT? I know DBT is generally the most accepted or successful form of treatment for BPD.  But what if you absolutely hate DBT as a therapy or if you don't like that approach? Anyone have any success in therapy that was not based in DBT?  If so what helped?,3.973278688524587,5.871759114754099,5.417180327868851,77.9536393442623,72.60655737704917,9.47016393442623,31.872131147540983,9.888512548439397,3.417299016393444,250,12,47,7,5,84,43,61,0.084,0.713,0.203,0.8662,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,3,2,6,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,9,8,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,3,5,6,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,1,35,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603470635641836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208752736207224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889857950836746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265355887140984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379632455818928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610039674489373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209828219765072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570378928446889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7871924439045237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Mochap,2019/06/23,"Any ""closeted"" BPD users? Is there anyone else here who has BPD but hasn't told anyone? 

I received my diagnosis a couple of years ago (in my early 20s) and I haven't told anyone in my life (friends, family, coworkers) due to the stigma and potentially being treated differently/abandoned because of it. 

Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation or if anyone has some personal anecdotes or advice from when they have ""come out"" to those in their personal lives?",7.8173255813953535,8.254631197674424,8.543581395348841,64.44444186046513,62.6046511627907,11.996279069767445,35.804651162790705,11.602472056035307,4.607467906976744,377,16,60,11,5,127,61,86,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,12,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,2,10,9,1,12,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,6,5,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003517784722029,0.13610182945182447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441084145236512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367853425421499,0.31463485625254506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359510342663943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867504959254992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225905792226653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698864477743721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565219472667895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474159646107707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862277846383285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844815627571984,0.0,0.0,0.13557652467735226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681262418294277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258270929699115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934235366915896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650499115786568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887318844899602
bpd,exporius,2019/06/23,"Why are all the doctors hiding my diagnosis? So I still live with my parents. And they have a huge binder full of all my mental health stuff, so I looked through it and I saw on one diagnoses sheet “Borderline personality disorder” on therapy notes: “displays traits of borderline personality disorder” even saw more of it on other sheets and even a whole 7 page pamphlet on BPD for the parents to read. 

I recently took the MACI test and the BASC-2 test and yielded the results of a diagnosis: “Dysthymia, generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD” but when my therapist and I were talking  she said “the test indicated you have traits of BPD” 
When I brought this up with my parents, they brushed it off saying I didn’t have it. 

Oh really? Why did I see all that BPD stuff in your binder then? All the doctors were keeping this stuff from me plus my parents too! Why are they hiding this diagnosis from me? I don’t adhere to labels, and I don’t make a diagnosis my personality so I don’t understand. 

Also, this is my first post here so thank you for reading and have a lovely day!",3.7937127371273722,5.9811584878048825,5.1414227642276416,78.48600948509484,73.87804878048779,8.653116531165313,29.43766937669377,9.2995712137729,2.8001490514905147,850,37,160,21,18,283,106,205,0.065,0.879,0.055999999999999994,0.7547,4,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,3,1,12,2,0,0,12,0,14,5,0,2,4,23,26,19,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,13,12,0,2,1,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,9,7,28,2,22,17,8,19,0,0,4,1,18,9,0,0,7,121,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697715590364725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783836572410217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446062727003358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677681920420195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277270121779051,0.0,0.0,0.09879247019879148,0.0,0.0,0.33466131432852364,0.1992519735062208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285770405813709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827926772956661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346202358189643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086515377228456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594814811999603,0.0,0.08173646698195096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784818784216142,0.0,0.06497153559987869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980902842440105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659563772874489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323137808415529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25496619716196844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321954674423352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472168329829895,0.0,0.062354974085729375,0.0,0.09610607775954794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925874003512861,0.07740430235394087,0.0,0.0,0.07756299579550435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773145867048456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342741516002235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823378538105752,0.0,0.08961253172517289,0.11131048530914077,0.11301285835640593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081422126235918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132864879983504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26348774470876163,0.10867049496590443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somethingurgent98,2019/06/23,"Does anyone else hate being told what to do but will do the task to a T if not directed or commanded? I hate being directed or told what to do. At my fast food jobs, I've always interpreted ""in the moment"" commands as ""Come over here and mop the floor while I stand over you and get off on my power trip."" But if someone said, ""Hey, the floor needs mopping every night at this time. Cool? Cool"" I would do it with no problem. No tension. No sense of being manipulated or whatever. And I remember in school, my fav assignments were when the prof would casually mention the due date, the instructions and never speak of it again.

 If I see people are being intentional while giving me direction, I always interpret something about it as malicious, controlling, degrading or manipulative. And I want to rebel and simply not do it because they are making such a big fucking deal about it. There are times where I've happily and peacefully completed assignments, but only well after the deadline (it was the end of the school year) when I got an Understanding Dean to get me extensions. But when the assignments were given I was annoyed and wrote it off because people were making this big deal about it.  

Is this a bpd trait? Does anyone relate?",5.325546218487396,6.941145649350653,6.106814362108484,75.48190221543165,68.6969696969697,9.591138273491216,29.17265087853324,9.916854025145753,2.9796802139037437,979,36,173,24,17,321,131,231,0.142,0.7490000000000001,0.109,-0.8594,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,2,12,12,5,1,15,2,21,2,0,6,1,40,40,26,0,8,13,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,13,10,1,1,4,1,0,2,6,8,1,0,11,5,16,4,24,22,0,34,0,0,1,1,12,14,1,7,17,125,29,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150148169914533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861347058048347,0.13637776072451924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162274336316501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763612023672678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465477391669185,0.13955392455282048,0.0,0.14928415178530832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744426879676031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23295526159873714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118885288684534,0.0,0.11788802886799114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214338003266976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094632488797184,0.0,0.0,0.12304978123715665,0.13907961612444264,0.12768266093155736,0.0,0.0,0.10645307325988568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628194730234309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320822599570991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776919764590454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869274628768156,0.10265573957927117,0.0,0.0,0.1249063242660716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122935062670144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455102607959364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735973461918282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077754961328765,0.0,0.12660958381023446,0.0,0.0,0.269410748598762,0.10606430874487084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277609256934032,0.10246769541071213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552245919034929,0.0,0.0,0.2543675252925453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856289304943556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850645118407311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967383387270847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891023422335368,0.0,0.0,0.08571271598429843
bpd,waitingforthesun_,2019/06/23,"All I want is to feel happy and fulfilled! Fuck!



why is that so much to ask for?!

Sigh. That is all.",-3.6013636363636365,-3.0147711363636347,-1.0012727272727258,110.07809090909092,124.0,1.7600000000000002,8.945454545454545,3.1291,-2.5225018181818184,73,1,20,0,5,24,17,22,0.12,0.547,0.33399999999999996,0.6458,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258185085177161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303077236134454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210900455126887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848739824133023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33483507858736683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686578128767822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110058329563984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_panna_,2019/06/23,"Testing other's love Hey!    
I have a few questions for you about a thing that happens with me a lot in romantic relationships. Every time I fall in love with somebody, I tell them how I'm working, what triggers me, etc. Then, they just do the things that I'm afraid of the most. Mostly because of me. 

It starts with making sacrifices for the person, which he wasn't asking for, but I think he needs them. I know the person doesn't need it, but I can't show my love otherwise. I generate situations where I'm really-really unbearable or just a bit needy, it depends, testing all the promises that he made before. And that's the point where everything breaks. I can understand why he can't do something for me, but at the same time, it hurts like hell. It feels like I'm never important enough after what I did, like give up everything else. And I know, it's really unhealthy, but I don't have a solution now. It's like the same injured child screaming inside the two things again and again. First I think I'm unlovable, and when I barely believe it, something hurtful happens. Then I start demanding love, and it doesn't matter if I get it or not, I start being very rigid and rude. And in the end, I blame myself and him at the same time. 

I'm wondering if anybody does the same things when it comes to relationships and trust. Have you any advice?  

Have a nice day 🌼",3.653820066772095,5.1654963394833935,4.508539799683714,85.72338253382536,72.69003690036901,7.818731330170445,25.81989105605341,8.418075326091056,1.6245950096643824,1072,35,217,18,21,346,139,271,0.177,0.6779999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.8708,0,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,3,2,11,19,2,2,18,0,15,5,0,5,2,50,45,22,0,4,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,23,13,0,1,8,1,0,2,8,8,0,2,3,2,29,11,18,41,12,30,2,2,0,4,24,9,1,10,22,147,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060228153085232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378223906118891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143081682521532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613926484953718,0.0,0.09232365471965624,0.12223989054694792,0.0,0.0,0.11845152021578775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346126603222824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997211896459211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494717461004563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063600759464634,0.0,0.09609686584923167,0.1121072527417974,0.1210037508998293,0.0,0.0,0.09141409395305387,0.0,0.1950216916840448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485975846513914,0.0775108652454071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228819140712044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668563356860948,0.10408099665957103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188853018583246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322983235032313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925513029248964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202622028366366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922409677859137,0.3916940791946321,0.10266326192109633,0.07242313824498123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089951950795062,0.08368020849724625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894722252790432,0.0,0.0,0.10256551076299217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215423907956167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950648259699488,0.0,0.0,0.2329721118897223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195609706859452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705384718561084,0.0,0.0,0.23038594914265134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483187808770954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883245258018032,0.13904204593150973,0.0,0.0,0.1897978564221524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598660610080694,0.11295005839790105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895220654179768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790240800432712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766125903788995,0.07898770613958013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,kaitydu,2019/06/23,"I wish people could be happy for me for the progress I have made!!! So the last few years for me have been the hardest, darkest years of my life. I was diagnosed with BPD, attempted suicide multiple times, wasn’t working or even trying to work. I mean I was your classic case of mental illness. Since I started treatment I have relapsed a few times, been on and off medications and tried doing alternative treatments (yoga, meditation). Here I am a year later from my last major relapse and things are going great! I am working and actually loving what I am doing, i have had some mental slips, I wouldn’t have bpd if I didn’t right? Lol but for the most part I feel like I’m finally one step ahead of my brain! 

Well, I got a  promotion!! My first one ever! This is a huge deal for me I am seriously so happy, I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day. But when it came to telling my husband, best friends and family. It was like I had said I remembered to flush the damn toilet.. I got a “wow” “good for you” some obligatory “congrats” and a “yay”. Then it was as though I was disabled. “Are you sure you can handle this” “I don’t want you to feel you have to impress us” “are you sure you’re not going to relapse”  “Why take on more responsibility when you know your track record?”

I get the concern, I really do, the last few years weren’t pretty for my close loved ones, and I feel awful that I put everyone through that, it was scary for us all. But why can’t they be happy for me, like truly happy? I feel like I am completely different person than I was when I first got my diagnosis. I have come so far and fought so hard to get to this point and I’m still being treated like this. I just wish they could understand that not everything is set in stone mentally but I am trying so hard to keep myself balanced and working at this job has REALLY helped me and shown me that I am more than my mental illness. But their reactions are really getting to me and messing with my head.. idk it just sucks!  I have kinda shut down since Thursday when I got the news, I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. I just wish that the most exciting thing to happen to me wasn’t tarnished by their reactions. I will pull myself out of this of course but still ughhhhhh. 

Anyway that’s all, happy Sunday 🤘🏼",2.4944565217391315,4.314944532608699,3.978478260869569,87.02163043478264,76.5,7.034782608695654,23.45652173913044,7.908726449838941,1.1390608695652171,1775,55,371,28,40,588,220,460,0.077,0.6759999999999999,0.247,0.9984,3,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,2,9,4,11,20,29,3,0,16,3,52,9,2,1,5,63,88,33,1,10,14,1,6,5,1,2,5,1,0,1,20,18,0,2,8,1,0,7,11,5,1,5,23,8,73,24,44,57,15,48,0,0,1,2,26,13,2,8,32,268,93,6,0.0,0.0,0.06904625263375834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947323959781825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425255469635983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782258049268066,0.07898549866924068,0.0,0.08092437742133407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060948795943102874,0.0741848191755995,0.0,0.0,0.11298353159534935,0.0,0.0,0.04563084346630658,0.07294485356173609,0.0,0.07181439791240332,0.0,0.07392346500466287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046732725359178,0.06400155821266779,0.0,0.06760902256399792,0.06358964411433718,0.0,0.06670111042504201,0.0,0.1431025435939072,0.10109415610926173,0.0,0.07750817161299993,0.0,0.1203676000727614,0.0,0.0,0.054664804304332265,0.0,0.1108990256590571,0.0,0.08042290392410299,0.05934557534230533,0.22635556873880436,0.07800716183583987,0.0,0.0,0.06256803147779595,0.3765977705675617,0.12676439197825567,0.0,0.07261460023423838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047425295992889714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021299187837059,0.06288991168379571,0.0,0.0,0.03888486059486245,0.1730232510607599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997604437148941,0.17283554170719562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771752148490575,0.06694968372806498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707246778469888,0.0,0.07127778426056397,0.2852158546037161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383538078915448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662030297719359,0.0,0.04905230914234903,0.06178016030424779,0.0,0.0,0.06688593736937093,0.0,0.0,0.07198283314850677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112788413986533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598156555250135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015113361837492,0.06042401511873375,0.06730379751739002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563822306713063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705782086017168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008044793519602,0.0,0.1130093800072224,0.05915398765743981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739401428466268,0.0,0.13337068740770094,0.0,0.05319863018758782,0.0568698422282952,0.061842611724047675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401238306800963,0.0,0.06951600455933271,0.0,0.08251511606617956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441131231944054,0.0,0.0,0.07365800136584234,0.17021806885936275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083465755676461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361685459112502,0.0,0.12768998626097194,0.07899494922149188,0.24409278666478754,0.0,0.0,0.2060406749403527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225448998929453
bpd,KrustytheSock,2019/06/23,"Hi, I'm new. I think I've had BPD most of my life, and I kinda sorta got diagnosed on Friday. It's been a very quick 2 weeks, I always knew something was wrong, but the past 2 weeks, something clicked and went ""Krusty, you have BPD"".

I recon it's a pretty severe case. I just need the board of psychs to confirm the diagnosis with my psych nurse - does that make sense? She says i have it, they're just double checking to agree with it.

Is there any tablets, or anything quick to help solve these explosive splits I have? It's deep, raw, explosive, awful and self destructive. Every split I take I feel closer to the brink of suicide, and I'm scared.
It trauma related. I'm scared and I want everyone to go. I twist everything against me. I can see it now I'm sad, but when I split it's like I never knew anything else other than rejection and anger.

I'm so sorry. I'm horrible to people I love. I don't want to die but I don't know if I can keep on living this way.

Can doctors prescribe anything short term? I feel so different with this diagnosis now. It's eating me but its all I ever wanted. The missing piece of the jigsaw didn't complete me, it's only shown me the horror of the picture.",1.0685741088180123,3.2529864390243937,2.8739837398373997,91.30958724202627,82.98373983739837,5.7358348968105055,20.843652282676672,7.010146845296331,0.4951806128830522,928,28,198,12,26,308,143,246,0.22699999999999998,0.664,0.10800000000000001,-0.9895,1,0,2,0,0,2,37.0,0,1,0,0,11,11,2,2,10,1,13,5,0,1,3,35,38,15,2,5,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,16,9,1,1,6,0,1,2,4,9,0,0,8,5,28,2,19,30,5,21,0,3,2,1,7,6,0,5,13,114,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870162087309178,0.0,0.0,0.08883859737915573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225128365816646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290690039059727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697188553074385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259523443783475,0.13558204259931764,0.13648933163383695,0.0,0.1337139464480248,0.11432255139986967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367570553494332,0.1091316269228051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181699194351905,0.110068493323179,0.12483059745095837,0.11740937770506255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321094088933899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424481796112177,0.0,0.10448346910824484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756417129795124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611741970821945,0.0,0.0,0.07179545267436974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922737711704573,0.06382332746090646,0.0,0.11535610787478848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790626389269927,0.0,0.08720215191822814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686672439021604,0.10075639403035047,0.12617138872919453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935639625200242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470914270074228,0.09056822335794544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290622652671882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388890566725993,0.2615836733881321,0.0,0.10410189754857956,0.0,0.13628435096337144,0.14758421655679815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011436581431708,0.0,0.14623900249087832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289721513334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822382483940004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370781704686063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779036835169106,0.2311617536977206,0.10369468773659224,0.20958050219160698,0.0,0.0,0.12110311324058005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283259143998256,0.0,0.0
bpd,moodforeva,2019/06/23,"sometimes i feel like dying  

sometimes i feel like dying, sometimes i feel like life is so overwhelming and i was never meant to live in this world, i have so much love to give but no one to give it to, i feel like love is something i will never attain in this life, sometimes i feel like life is beautiful, i see other people enjoying life so much, like its all so trivial to them, i feel evething, i feel the pain of the whole world, sometimes i feel overwhelmed by the beauty of life itself and i want to live just to see a sunrise, sometimes i feel so alone and hollow inside, like i have a void inside me that can never be filled, i feel so much, sometimes i feel like dying",6.542502606882174,5.391387379562048,6.512930135557872,83.22693430656935,65.71532846715328,8.704483837330555,30.52033368091763,6.868970318607317,1.639459645464025,529,15,109,3,7,168,60,137,0.078,0.62,0.303,0.9882,0,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,7,14,0,2,5,0,9,8,0,0,4,22,28,10,3,1,2,0,11,8,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,12,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,13,19,11,12,24,5,8,0,2,2,2,5,4,0,0,11,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116500986239017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439990193611809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358741290565286,0.3359141911185831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035433502568404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767661219080313,0.3062908924962521,0.0,0.13839973032393618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414593074166889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282720617955288,0.0,0.18132535007182415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310379007225514,0.0,0.08338845723469615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543300997215647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489737051957432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060331066460740476,0.5425516563544357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046223133105500136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749442266313798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Dazedconfused11,2019/06/23,"Recently Diagnoised, Scared & Want to Talk/Share Hi All,

  
I got officially diagnosed with BPD last week and it's been on my mind nearly non-stop since then. I have a fairly mild case luckily I suppose. Although I still recognize a nasty pattern of behavior I've had most of my adult life that has troubled me and made me always wonder, what's so wrong with me? Why can't I keep and have normal friends/relationships? Why is my family so distant? Why do I not get invited to weddings? Where are all my friends?  


It's a relief to know more about what's going on. I didn't even know splitting was a real thing. Plus, being in a mood can really be a scary place when you get out and hardly remember why you were acting moody hours later.   


I'm also very disappointed I am at this place in life. I feel it is my own fault I have developed BPD with stupid decisions I made when I was younger. Being lazy and trying to take short cuts in life has punished me more than I realized possible. 

  
I go between being thankful and feeling very depressed. Like, it really stinks to think that I'm broken. It really stinks that I'm going to have to spend so much time, money, and energy to get this all figured out. On the bright side, at least I know what's going on now. At least I can see why people like my landlord are terrifying distant from me and why I have struggled so much to have a friendship or a healthy relationship longer than 3-5 months. It's just heavy, heavy thoughts to carry and I find them preventing me from doing what I really need to do. I just want to be better, normal.

​

I don't really know I have a motive with this post. I just can't get all this stuff off my mind and think perhaps sharing my thoughts openly would help. 

​

While this mostly negative talk in here, I should end on some positives. It's nice to know what's wrong so I can work to fix it. I didn't even realize splitting was a thing, let alone something I could work to avoid/solve/not let it happen as much (i suppose, I don't really know) Or same thing with my mild outbursts, my complete lack of understanding in social situations, my emotional ignorance... it's all explained and we are not alone, which is a relieving thought. Anyways friends, I hope you're doing well today & hanging in there. Many cheers!",4.095224458204338,5.486742057017545,4.959886480908153,83.39047987616101,71.41228070175438,8.347162022703817,27.227554179566564,8.841846274778883,2.013368111455108,1822,63,361,34,34,592,226,456,0.14800000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.133,-0.8835,0,3,1,0,0,0,67.0,1,2,1,4,21,30,3,2,12,0,45,4,0,3,5,78,84,26,0,10,7,0,3,2,2,2,4,0,1,1,28,21,0,3,23,0,2,6,9,15,1,0,14,7,51,14,49,60,18,46,0,2,2,0,15,24,0,7,17,242,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426210944467993,0.0,0.05506141361415715,0.05729089371450272,0.2984071306710285,0.16732693395030065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089454523446192,0.0,0.0,0.17343492374897224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219065983366031,0.0,0.0,0.054973212760005115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930265885838984,0.06988395777553688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744992776560346,0.06098298287017165,0.0,0.0,0.09095300944304084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649081203773482,0.0,0.06962790474332795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293004533915839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639072350008917,0.0,0.14389060414614874,0.0,0.1565221177200004,0.0,0.05506772829626461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608861425702709,0.0,0.06167842155590913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615045839000236,0.0,0.0,0.06838618517538803,0.06780595927274567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061199370326525386,0.0,0.0,0.22703758869358995,0.05612407317942522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081293330633704,0.14589792059131015,0.0672758223971218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303000235814708,0.0,0.06980574764821804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904303269504112,0.0,0.05495750267086586,0.0,0.15184378919746855,0.05105334370304363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492189338449145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477337358600126,0.0,0.14387266222878095,0.0,0.0,0.07762098132328499,0.06594177527315631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836935286296037,0.264652500377814,0.0,0.06798365367933548,0.1478438883832988,0.0779965940016676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689334818982374,0.0,0.0548666220432605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695559698395605,0.07739322726836417,0.0,0.07018657307743204,0.0,0.053006109050942725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498578955084659,0.0575638715338052,0.0,0.07197970567672493,0.07881977458699478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176859980474313,0.11068225226454796,0.0,0.06339023986989596,0.0,0.0,0.13722785958707445,0.08823595473527789,0.0,0.1639838629684988,0.040148515162977266,0.0,0.06526423099091158,0.0,0.0,0.04674640791160504,0.0,0.0,0.07167800339368881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362124110170475,0.081222115828526,0.0,0.05522941690864756,0.0,0.06190677230882696,0.0,0.3727726695880064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466772699588352,0.10025105164244393,0.0,0.0,0.048910924238331516,0.1505590578949807,0.16732693395030065,0.0
bpd,Floydikins,2019/06/23,"Fits of anxiety for no reason? I've been struggling a lot lately with random fits of anxiety and the only way I can get my brain is to stop is to smoke weed and drink alcohol.  
Does anyone have advice on how to get my brain to shut up when its trying so hard to ruin everything?",2.0731034482758623,3.7486980344827607,4.192620689655172,85.66444827586207,77.27586206896551,7.398620689655173,20.220689655172414,8.238735603445708,0.98003724137931,218,5,45,4,5,75,45,58,0.26,0.74,0.0,-0.9311,0,0,3,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,5,4,2,2,0,8,7,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,11,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,3,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139914559132353,0.0,0.23403038884547056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350487452056499,0.0,0.0,0.1531207262345476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889235884510534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163690447690346,0.0,0.0,0.2145237844881624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968112977225192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288232249146049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616924137354602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470267520078423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861748241066252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654939891182366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515499667567035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830828468765989,0.0,0.2289326461458621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486777246503536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738216014706816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,HeftyRecommendation9,2019/06/23,"a vent for another dating mishap, from BPD perspective I met M. at a dancing party, I think she liked me. I found her really pretty, and after talking with her a bit, also a nice person. In the beginning I was really nervous around her, just like around a really pretty girl, not knowing what to say, feeling as if she mind find out that I am worthless. But I think it went away. I met her a couple of time after, I think it went alright. I started to like her more. We talked about some personal things. I think we enjoyed time together. I told her I have problematic relationship with my parents, and that I am 35 yo. I didn't tell her all the deal about feeling alone and old with no family.

​

In my mind, I started to see my future with her, what it would be like, what we could do together, how it would be to travel together. I let my imagination run wild. Maybe for 2 weeks it was like this. It makes me feel really good to do this, like drinking cold pepsi on thirst, but more mellow, and longer lasting.

​

Last couple of times, when I suggested to meet, she said she can't, or that she's tired, sometimes she agreed to meet, and then she cancelled. From this, I take that she's not too keen to see me. It really put me down. I feel ""betrayed"", hopeless. I am imagining she must have met someone better, or that she realized that I am worthless, or just too old, or just simply not interesting or attractive enough. It drops me back to the dysphoria.

​

I know that I should not daydream about the possible future with a woman that I've just met, but it's so tempting to imagine there is a future where I am not alone. I really long for a connection. I am alone, and when I see someone I could connect with, and that I could like romantically, I just dive in the feeling and the possibility. I don't see a way how I can avoid it. I can be careful, but diving into imagining my future not alone, and with someone I like, is just so tempting, that I might not be able to suppress thinking about it. 

​

This happened to me many times before. I know how to handle it on surface, I never let this show, I know it's inappropriate. But it really puts me into misery. I \_\_\_n't \_\_nt to \_e alive. It reminds me that I will always be alone. And it makes my life outlook look really grim.",3.5037311984473547,5.05917160262009,4.752889374090247,83.64639859291606,73.14847161572052,7.796312469674915,26.259340126152352,8.430304187100639,1.7473302280446392,1806,62,360,31,36,597,199,458,0.11900000000000001,0.769,0.113,-0.8899,1,6,1,0,0,1,92.0,3,0,0,1,25,23,0,2,16,1,35,4,1,5,3,90,71,31,0,8,24,1,5,8,0,6,2,2,0,4,36,25,2,2,21,4,0,7,12,6,0,0,12,13,75,17,48,43,6,49,0,4,5,0,41,15,0,8,33,265,111,0,0.06098656145173816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31581842539701743,0.0,0.04877093115911723,0.050745704659422325,0.2643156554121682,0.2964213899026387,0.0,0.06394972719839806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858193918784886,0.0,0.0,0.057298882038747535,0.046894901280609684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051895071922931316,0.0,0.0,0.05393765758371465,0.0665815297243656,0.0,0.07681043921267068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217986394130129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607842039262658,0.13496094052682106,0.0,0.0,0.0628744669458151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059743612396270074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301542071513302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057492702471725325,0.0,0.1541831895556937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574061230217111,0.0,0.0,0.06686861679257769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115263425790815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053930214880559865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406647695002208,0.09942437470218607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472578210071543,0.04307661194025728,0.2383596270008877,0.0,0.0,0.05397118774961968,0.051213351761467366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081418006674892,0.06183080109273844,0.061269198129271264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469710407390387,0.123158083503711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703659589383565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799027439945346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771835921920068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650222619664512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375063692751872,0.0,0.12409051612205872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261667772059588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125564233291178,0.0,0.0,0.06547674341568438,0.0,0.0,0.05801218572265041,0.04849896148776176,0.0,0.0,0.19439357408122532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502114682755636,0.0,0.060317268698107475,0.0,0.08633320418329879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045854304340487366,0.0980373759300358,0.05330494280032619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051676151974304,0.19538863024426434,0.0,0.0,0.14224701769377646,0.07009508090315987,0.0,0.0582752729888102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840829378961646,0.04891974094390615,0.0,0.0,0.11307030692794964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664620693076915,0.0,0.2964213899026387,0.0
bpd,asdp9867,2019/06/23,"CW: profanity, sex, disloyalty, betrayal: I need to shout into the fucking void and you crazy motherfuckers are some of the only people who might understand There is an inordinate amount of backstory that I doubt I could even verbalize and format into a reddit post, but here's what I consider essential:

​

​

I have borderline personality disorder and significant trust issues stemming from trauma in my past.

​

For the last 5 years, any relationship I've been in has been built on a foundation of lies - I lied about who I was, my past, my history, my entire personality. I did this because I'd been convinced that deep down, I was so completely flawed as a person that if one of my partners were to ever really know me, they'd be as disgusted with me as I was with myself, and leave.

​

That all changed a few years ago, I had gone through treatment and I'd learned that I caused my deepest fear to come true every time I dated someone. I focused on myself, I developed an incredibly close friendship with a beautiful girl, and after a year of learning to trust her, we began dating.

​

​

I still fucked so. many. things. up.

​

​

My partner is bisexual and said she'd love to have threesomes when we started dating. The first 3 months I couldn't stop trying to orchestrate one. When she became upset, I simply began concealing it from her. These are actions I regret to this day.

​

​

At one point, a mutual friend had admitted interest in having sex with us while I was at the deepest point of my illness in this relationship. My partner had said she'd be willing because I wanted to, and I took that as a green light to do whatever.

​

​

I was half-having sex with my girlfriend when the mutual friend snapchatted me, asking what we were doing. I was under the influence of several substances and delusional. When she learned what we were doing she asked to see, and in my sickness I sent her a video of us having sex, and never told my girlfriend.

​

Since then, a lot has changed:

​

Over the last \~1.5 years of our relationship, I've grown a lot. I've contained my pornography addiction, I've recognized my compulsive lying and learned to tell the truth even if I'm scared. While I've had the occasional lapse into my sickness, I am a completely different person in every sense of the phrase.

​

When I was still doing sick shit a year ago, my girlfriend felt like I didn't value her and craved validation, and felt justified in getting it from strangers online (This is my understanding, she is also fucking sick and has a fucked up past too). She sent a few nudes to kik groups. I had a weird feeling, went through her phone, and found it. My heart snapped, because I felt like all the bullshit I was fighting against in my head was true.

​

​

I confronted her, we talked it out, and I told her that I considered that cheating. I told her that she is the only person I would ever continue to see after something like that, and she agreed.

​

Things went well since - we're now developing more as adults and doing pretty well; at least up until a month ago:

​

We had recently explored camming as a source of sexual pleasure and pocket change a bit, and we'd reached enough coins to withdraw them; which requires verification of identity. My girlfriend set it all up while i was getting ready for work.

​

I spent an hour freely expressing my (plentiful) fears about this to her. I told her I felt like she was going to cam without me, that I was terrified of it. I told her I was so, so scared of feeling betrayed and cheated on again, even though I knew she wouldn't do that to me.

​

I realized slightly before I went to work that she wasn't really listening to me, which drove my borderline crazy. I left for work, but recorded what she was doing while I was gone.

​

I came home to a video of her filling out the forms, checking the cam site (but not broadcasting), and then the thing that I give you all this backstory for.

​

That was her opening a private tab, going to omegle (nude), and surfing through strangers. There were 3, the 3rd of which is my biggest problem. She spent 51 minutes masturbating and fucking herself with a dildo I'd just bought for us, riding it, fucking it in every way possible. For him. Every way he asked her to do something she did. She also said so many fucking hurtful things, which I'd prefer not to elaborate on.

​

I watched the girl I am building a life with, the girl I intend on having a family with, fucking herself for a total stranger after I'd told her that I was terrified she'd do that, and she reassured me she would never.

​

She claims her intention was to find clients for us, and it was financial. There was never any mention of money to this stranger.

​

She feels like every time I've lied to her I cheated, which I can't discount, but I don't quite understand. I've taken unfaithful actions, but my delusion always made them feel acceptable because my end goal was always to have a sexual experience with her and another person. Aside from the mutual friend, no girl has seen my nude body since I've started dating her.

​

She compares this to my porn use in the past, because there's nudity involved. I can't see that similarity, although I can see some similarities. To me, although I don't consider my porn use acceptable and it's been months since I relapsed or even masturbated, and I can't compare it to having cybersex. I can't compare it to masturbation, on camera, taking commands from a stranger.  


I don't know what I want out of this post, this relationship, this life.   


This wound was around a month ago and therapy hasn't helped me, talking to her hasn't given me any sense of closure, and now every single little thing she does completely innocently will completely bring me back to that night. She made a fucking instagram post and i saw it and i felt the same way I did watching the video.   
She's told me time and time again that she's incapable of lying about something like this, that it's not in her blood. I've caught her doing it twice, she didn't come to me. Granted I didn't give her too much time, but why the fuck should I believe that there aren't 100 more things like this that she's done???

I have a life with this girl. I trusted her for the first time in 5 years. I want a future with her but I am terrified this will fuck it. I'm scared that I'm prolonging the inevitable by trying.   


I have no sex drive at this point but the idea of another woman giving me ANY emotional validation is so fucking comforting, even just a flirtatious message feels like it would prove to me that my partner did this fucked up thing because SHES fucked up, not because I'm unlovable.  


I'm at a loss still, and I have a lot more to say, but I need to try stop thinking about this for all of 10 seconds. Perhaps an update in the comments soon.

Thank you everyone, sorry for the wall of text. I don't know what will help or what, I don't know if I'd read this post if I saw it and I doubt words will help me, but god damnit if any of you have anything to say for me please, please do.",6.574982005945863,6.964934776334777,6.5707263686781765,77.69611250195591,65.23376623376622,9.623241016012102,34.014812496740205,9.462048779278405,3.0695710217493337,5784,240,1067,102,83,1838,468,1386,0.13699999999999998,0.743,0.12,-0.9886,1,0,3,0,2,0,274.0,12,4,3,9,47,64,21,8,67,0,117,40,8,8,15,173,220,83,0,20,24,0,10,8,11,11,10,7,1,17,85,66,0,4,33,4,7,23,28,36,2,7,85,28,205,28,150,115,24,157,0,3,10,25,145,51,15,15,83,760,290,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01768483192050483,0.0,0.0,0.0575207848042117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025946126241168467,0.026996705373427902,0.4745785921961538,0.5322244181770297,0.05515900820912562,0.034021242890863716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01334966911932987,0.0144413928272525,0.045497317477290015,0.0,0.0,0.012474039348604629,0.0,0.06922325506627577,0.0,0.01380408427116101,0.01827711170589424,0.0,0.0,0.017710680670852394,0.0180194511310318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018554126359785046,0.0,0.016664893635619273,0.05148350687115767,0.027948356167568328,0.06803559336863102,0.0,0.0,0.012952282047722172,0.0,0.0,0.010462118616858515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016948975751873648,0.01859229834548147,0.0,0.01419634874296914,0.01660116758972738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018248038610645532,0.01436824872677861,0.01676209600838774,0.0,0.05357377585599627,0.02934821462062723,0.08200852925492709,0.015501217157134059,0.0,0.01586863924065843,0.015293053472882718,0.03650946437951366,0.0410127139814737,0.023178599656332767,0.07788033432042696,0.0,0.014826997651876872,0.02759756370748819,0.0,0.017787045804109086,0.037600203504121625,0.20996311766306028,0.016951089406529767,0.046686069348463165,0.01843914984800708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016648882713012347,0.0,0.0,0.019223645374600064,0.03262063778090825,0.0,0.016272409588492867,0.0,0.015975815582237818,0.0,0.017366435738626094,0.01831313716746726,0.0,0.016931991381313745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03566167031243676,0.026446874358989063,0.0,0.01717720006028517,0.01762570639887144,0.0,0.034375124225041666,0.0634036384581795,0.01625912625616392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04137516316170402,0.014641367085542647,0.030700091399422574,0.0,0.032893974599557486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0172094236243193,0.0,0.0,0.05179432232488157,0.0,0.011925345006767491,0.024057437210663047,0.037535190307356116,0.0,0.0,0.015223641889985578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032978194151249786,0.024675762284284825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194454058408848,0.011246583181330077,0.08498874658087367,0.0,0.035614690514640085,0.04600629031160674,0.018288340674380274,0.062146374874914825,0.016504032833258717,0.0,0.015522664704438003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017254540138225232,0.01622680965148426,0.0,0.02078499483310913,0.0,0.01601768230162534,0.06966723046485683,0.0,0.0,0.04629370790692658,0.025801438426951102,0.048724416233887874,0.0,0.0517086724992796,0.0,0.0,0.01832671665863972,0.016652080632217476,0.05367741263754544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013745203512436188,0.03746643357069452,0.0,0.01815967063158817,0.0229646242270453,0.0,0.038865735826016885,0.02712533841235228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01219724065999132,0.026077932815499288,0.014179109792503716,0.014935424448486959,0.018551750649759724,0.0,0.07544218338700244,0.010394671469090792,0.015938444925017368,0.0,0.0567565400761653,0.0,0.0,0.1085085200999384,0.018023705113981943,0.03304187419237839,0.0,0.0,0.05066433286111755,0.07805429362506533,0.0280219239669181,0.0,0.0,0.02870521022620318,0.038629804842781716,0.0,0.0,0.02917180697110012,0.04511503657950686,0.014638210484030887,0.0,0.0,0.015637833629110708,0.0,0.03543034410565822,0.0,0.0,0.034571824392836265,0.0,0.5322244181770297,0.0626802382295758
bpd,Shrinkerofbrains,2019/06/23,"Did substance abuse cause my BPD and will symptoms go away if I quit using? I was diagnosed with BPD 6 months ago (on top of my ADHD and PTSD). The symptoms really started 3 years ago after my twins were born. I was prescribed addaral and smoking way too much weed daily for years. There's no doubt that my behaviors are manifesting as BPD and it is destroying my marriage. I recently stopped addaral and have one day off of pot. I am in therapy and looking for a new psychiatrist. If my BPD is substance induced, will my symptoms go away if I am clean off everything? I am falling apart and she wants to leave me and take the kids which I will demolish me.",4.649689922480622,5.745531643410852,5.641860465116283,80.14248062015506,69.7751937984496,9.454263565891472,32.93798449612403,9.725611199111238,3.1743240310077514,518,24,101,12,9,171,85,129,0.135,0.83,0.035,-0.9013,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,3,0,14,4,0,3,0,18,21,12,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,3,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,4,1,18,0,14,14,1,24,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,4,12,68,21,0,0.0,0.14815003225482656,0.0,0.0,0.1502718324790756,0.0,0.2216779565507455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349553454775656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6299258428564996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844885826415606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063941005223882,0.0,0.0,0.12691132227676247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237643219543632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212438417703596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239758885725594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500074633256036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980444089029286,0.0,0.09191759539655273,0.0,0.0,0.12076284524859553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472924138136956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616317337455756,0.0,0.0,0.13299370695597748,0.0,0.0,0.08010278714389285,0.0,0.12346031415911275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850280796645872,0.0,0.0,0.10453768338636114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898882552238324,0.09401329951487604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299228317123308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799301269533322,0.0,0.0,0.07375087535127373,0.09924964490256084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104123259260414
bpd,denverdude123,2019/06/23,"I just got assulted Last night someone got pissed at me speeding found me and slammed me against the car and started to choke me. My meds made me so numb i didn't even realize i was even in danger until i was home after the cops. Life just doesn't work,  i get abused all the time by so many people, and I'm am just so tired of this,  i felt so weak i couldn't even throw a punch or defend myself i just stared into his eyes as he was choking me until he decided to let me go. I was so defenseless and i can't change that. Why do i have to live like why do i have to bre neglected abused and manipulated i just want it to stop im trying to change why does this keep happening, I'm sorry i was mean to my brother i internalized that i deserved all my abuse im trying to change just stop destroying me i need what little strength i have",0.6568333333333349,2.571260794444445,2.666666666666668,93.755,82.72222222222223,6.0,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.28200000000000003,653,18,153,9,18,219,100,180,0.24600000000000002,0.691,0.063,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,3,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,14,8,3,0,4,0,16,6,2,2,2,29,31,14,0,3,7,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,6,6,0,4,5,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,11,3,31,2,18,18,2,17,0,1,2,0,4,4,1,1,11,97,37,1,0.0,0.43300184077062376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866006337076777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660341056606916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413781456015509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696400820943467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356672063667127,0.0,0.0,0.06364467287553048,0.0,0.06923175449285462,0.0,0.19485734036418867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772290934582247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219299424582447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26316784349229044,0.0,0.0,0.1082770880762726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929761012939516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456675861647055,0.08604337982414019,0.05951393052110841,0.12209324687024313,0.10756718056498746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526676707943448,0.0,0.1235039355145158,0.0,0.13269508827645168,0.13531190180488914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032621354155886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431757391228445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445299182570133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032156648079039,0.0,0.0,0.13636483994115342,0.08622313065476267,0.0,0.0,0.20368995154107286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103282744968183,0.14001142147202952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541232041076775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185118198425942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32976433386532394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868467020585556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ASlightlyCrookedLine,2019/06/23,"Kinda wanna marry him, kinda wanna be single? Eek! Hey, F22, first time poster here, mods delete if not appropriate to this reddit. 

Have you ever been in the predicament where you’re seeing someone great who’s healthy and actually cares about you, the type of person your mum would approve of, and you really like them and could picture marrying them one day but you feel terrified of commitment? (at least monogamously- and we’ve talked about it, they prefer monogamy) 
I fear it may lead to something serious and long-term in which you will never get the opportunity to sleep with people you might still have loose ends with? Like I know that sounds shallow but I do like the freedom to be able to go have fun with a couple of ex lovers occasionally and to be able to flirt without guilt. And to clarify, I wouldn’t cheat if I was committed but the idea of it sounds terrifying yet I really like this person. 

I know I sound like a total d*ck but I’m not sure if it’s the BPD making me flighty and unpredictable or what. 

Feel free to discuss or comment your thoughts on what I should do/how to adjust my attitude below...",3.768917992656057,5.979050753488373,4.410134638922892,83.59877600979193,74.02325581395348,7.503059975520195,24.339045287637703,8.371475516178862,1.5605348837209303,892,28,170,16,19,284,137,215,0.114,0.685,0.20199999999999999,0.9695,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,8,3,4,7,17,1,2,8,0,16,2,1,2,6,49,27,17,0,10,12,2,2,5,1,6,0,3,0,2,11,11,0,0,8,0,1,2,5,4,0,2,3,6,23,14,28,14,3,16,0,0,1,1,22,6,0,9,13,116,34,2,0.3129775634219615,0.0,0.15271047717176936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709214241547635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955074238492675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494355858815792,0.17315186049900194,0.0,0.10092231820967823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386026122647014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155306220941347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760933858958951,0.1582508599897203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310927778102902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175892960771038,0.0,0.08893618093174006,0.0,0.0,0.1725294342902867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665678667172102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200428378631186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822625709514978,0.0,0.0,0.13848764739943994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445747694738428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600986767823742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069379568288932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604084844886348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848961746321964,0.2732799362726702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005014413766444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247012983527834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660179603761712,0.0,0.132592436918423,0.12047270951125935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249721432191893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474888247939393,0.0,0.0,0.12577975504958952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423461271197728,0.0912498670651195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084960125418745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116514064499004,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,angel85679,2019/06/23,Anyone else feel like having an fp is ruining their life? I never act jealous or annoyed outwardly because I don’t want to seem clingy and possessive but I can’t help but feel abandoned when they hang out with other people. I always feel like self-harming or crying when I feel slighted by them in any way. Whenever I have an FP my whole word just revolves around them and spending time with them and talking to them. I realize it’s clearly not healthy but I don’t know how to stop this pattern.,3.0947505668934236,5.301393214285717,3.8280952380952407,87.01134920634924,76.04081632653063,6.396371882086169,28.23582766439909,7.3871296695380915,1.6802140589569166,397,17,75,5,9,126,70,98,0.17600000000000002,0.682,0.142,-0.5569,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,6,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,2,28,13,11,0,1,7,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,7,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,0,4,15,2,9,13,1,12,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,3,7,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815701892252356,0.0,0.0,0.14839190811579506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525791768755369,0.22358438084398968,0.0,0.19425529093643268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330202476541731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23969606410254785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182288451558284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44133896401069495,0.3117819502315028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626316538998024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992382287303775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412986446178545,0.21321510297606944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829884764185474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128099581968846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865236449776003,0.22764311326827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243532905970974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753908534547956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724139950724275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287073213916914,0.17320683834113332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436263407757837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Tempered_Traps,2019/06/23,"My wife has just been diagnosed with BPD. Can anyone offer advice about how to deal with someone who has BPD? It's been a long, hard process but my wife finally has a diagnosis which is actually a relief for us. I've been struggling a lot to deal with her and her mental state but now that I know what is up I am looking for advice from either family members of someone with BPD or people who have BPD. Thanks",3.872690763052209,5.01302785542169,5.15921686746988,82.71223895582331,71.65060240963855,7.9429718875502,25.88152610441768,8.344100000000001,1.6054032128514062,324,10,65,5,6,108,57,83,0.057999999999999996,0.846,0.095,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,11,1,0,1,0,13,14,5,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,7,2,12,11,2,5,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,2,3,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.13929127429672786,0.0,0.0,0.2789629950697674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980542497679552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7190918705609013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943123259678449,0.0,0.14487562491089007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456027392815126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636202662077134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786482264113586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844483337624092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263182542408424,0.1198636060844578,0.0,0.0,0.12135037428884345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384589431707212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895625594450046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418821529802657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922029565514766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141357339691462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169571711236126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,CynicalLaughter,2019/06/23,Every guy I date repeats the same thing Almost in the same words. That he wants to help me be less depressed and basically save me from my miserable life. They say that I’m so sweet and kind despite everything I’ve been through but I tell them that helping someone like me is a waste of time. They never really listen though. I meet such nice people but keep pushing them away or scare them away basically. Nobody can help me. I can’t even help myself. Therapy doesn’t help me. Medication doesn’t help me.,2.6930303030303016,5.145732898989898,3.6467575757575763,86.55013636363638,78.5959595959596,6.78828282828283,23.03131313131313,7.908726449838941,1.2421991919191921,403,13,79,7,10,129,71,99,0.102,0.623,0.275,0.9616,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,5,8,0,2,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,13,11,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,3,17,5,7,9,3,8,0,2,0,0,17,3,0,2,5,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685714844791452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131111292515675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351926987078845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005838320830537,0.0,0.1403940328838778,0.0,0.14975744226825854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649911563955141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.670136572609842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810953024532564,0.0,0.1735208272294308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769659484651555,0.0814076223247262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678634754146094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285163089788483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155211427398736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674825928238807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251187508939832,0.16682697170982902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118613549977446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564307575507074,0.0,0.19055738088018834,0.0,0.1107024125225018,0.0,0.16371437809583628,0.0,0.09716403435377477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828344112619407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,electric_nova,2019/06/23,"What's your diagnosis story? Hi! I am really interested in the process everyone went through to be diagnosed with BPD. I have been told a long time ago someone thought I had it??? But last year I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I really think the root is something greater. Everything bpd is very relatable to me. Anyway sorry, I am wondering how do you speak to a doctor/counselor to get diagnosed, how do you start that conversation? I've thought its possible I have ADHD and people say go get a psychologist but I can't afford that. Is it even possible for a general mental health practitioner to be able to point me in the right direction for this. (Also I know the rules say no asking for diagnosis of any kind and i am NOT intending to do that just need a help in direction)

Sorry that was a lot hopefully it makes sense! And even if you  don't answer my questions about starting a conversation with a doctor I still do want to hear your story!",2.9631239388794555,5.518158096774198,4.849400113186196,77.73094227504245,78.24731182795698,9.292133559705716,27.53140916808149,9.682069395223575,3.1672838709677418,770,33,142,25,19,262,109,186,0.052000000000000005,0.836,0.11199999999999999,0.9304,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,0,0,9,4,0,0,12,0,20,5,0,5,0,30,38,11,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,10,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,4,18,3,20,28,2,15,0,1,0,0,16,5,0,5,8,100,28,1,0.11963726553986005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378074413473632,0.0,0.1060512174015448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567387802847256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135744310374929,0.0,0.09152218067639704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118446934360533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013578956928603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304340150327898,0.3642879185349074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449076214901029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803857112630734,0.0,0.0,0.11431853416571686,0.10752226001181173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501106679707782,0.0,0.06799261504816875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716881877811914,0.13483989323503529,0.0,0.08019033724604406,0.0,0.0,0.1188267992019072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458380178132875,0.06574951235591503,0.09752033918810953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587521523758353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171132489288702,0.0,0.0,0.07985880374644845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056622467901786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870951647951895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294141618877647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309588611680525,0.269746082133456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402111767911298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328539158420135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216957108412733,0.0,0.19028071089105256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013682668543225,0.09210261196054542,0.0,0.2678482478493573,0.16935974463747866,0.0,0.09554247480188828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766587290168869,0.0,0.18995725045281714,0.06976145163369625,0.0,0.0,0.11431853416571686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098713273498423,0.0705651589100762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090494374992384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974151109390836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704247654584206
bpd,bunnyxxgirl,2019/02/23,No medium. I either feel incredibly attractive or incredibly disgusting I wish I could just feel normal. Some days like today I feel very attractive and will show myself off and I feel GREAT which is lovely but when this comes I know that within hours or days I will start to feel over weight and extremely unattractive. I basically just want to vent and know I’m not the only one that does this?? It upsets me because I’ll never know if I actually am comfortable being me because I always feel so false. Like my bodies constantly taken over by someone else. ,5.273357142857143,7.0882898952380975,6.048750000000003,75.07312500000002,69.0952380952381,9.05952380952381,26.458333333333336,9.516144504307137,2.493690476190477,449,14,77,10,8,147,71,105,0.1,0.698,0.20199999999999999,0.8654,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,1,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,28,22,10,0,5,8,0,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,9,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,7,14,7,7,17,2,13,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,10,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.1662370864422977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174489737970894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207687632354394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922051532412365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674149390105792,0.0,0.18408789819240265,0.0,0.13601066235989448,0.0,0.0,0.21972339353387624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907448652748065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423056172926202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168046563450001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781154386476603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776049587816216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808598157944516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644887037957995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374758114607487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313844689478487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669068912361858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543361016533495,0.12955889781257146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433705405039174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057465010638055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147193951052993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055664099405907,0.10047687971537853,0.0,0.0,0.2074404819714728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958941633514828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,yoosungslita,2019/02/23,"Things are getting bad, but not officially diagnosed. Hi,

Wasn't sure who else to talk about this so I decided to post this here, I am very sorry if this isn't the right place, I'm not looking for someone to diagnose me online or validate any kind of that stuff but would really appreciate some advice.
I haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD (was wrongly diagnosed with psychotic depression at 14, and doctors have tried to look into a BPD diagnosis for me since they thought it was the mostly likely once I was 18, but being referred to and from places in the NHS system has ended me up nowhere with no help) and I have been out of the mental health system since I was 18 then 
onward (currently 20). Also on venlafaxine (effexor).
Things have been really bad recently as for a while I think I was quite numb and dissociating often, but out of nowhere I am an absolute mess. I have relapsed with self harm quite badly, I am binge eating 24/7, binge drinking 24/7 and drinking myself into oblivion, being really impulsive (e.g. the boozing and also tattooing myself the other day, etc), my relationships seem very off currently and I am feeling generally unwell.

I have a review at my GP in 2 weeks because I'm just getting my med dosage upped, and I'm wondering if I should try to get some help, and whether or not doctors have mentioned the possibility of BPD before. I always feel really let down when it comes to the NHS and its mental health system because they never seem to help and just generally either fob me off or I end up disappointed because places tell me they don't feel like they can help me enough. I'm 21 this year and whatever I have, whether it's BPD or not is really starting to mess my life up and I feel a bit off the rails, and I really need help, but I'm very afraid of disappointment again.
Is it worth it? Any advice? 

Again, extremely sorry if this doesn't belong here. Thanks.",8.220466242809565,7.036479585831064,8.566571298819259,69.95935134726007,62.405994550408714,12.0792612776264,35.10278534665456,11.20814326018867,3.8545944293066894,1516,54,279,36,18,504,184,367,0.136,0.792,0.07200000000000001,-0.9797,2,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,4,2,12,17,0,1,14,0,34,14,0,0,2,66,57,35,0,6,21,0,4,2,0,2,10,0,0,1,17,23,4,0,11,2,1,1,11,12,0,0,10,6,35,5,41,42,7,41,0,3,2,0,16,21,0,14,17,194,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449636546918188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825118690995938,0.06151963540516867,0.0,0.0,0.10055633166782207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519728583418169,0.13520981344088295,0.0,0.06291302732813571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071759887564839,0.0,0.3724729213941052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636882411323765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768179775805281,0.0,0.06367989247480893,0.3001688627477574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135070053228666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448558169434666,0.0,0.07565370783789396,0.06176299714336452,0.0,0.1309684883181673,0.07639436151919678,0.08245679084395145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953452585959645,0.052819000701599374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588356715222202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717836538386007,0.0,0.0,0.24778452471720155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699166550985287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560329186438647,0.052222300958087255,0.07224156924621539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417313935780082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212484067581413,0.0,0.14901767821414935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482168084996979,0.05702303770358096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787380965689915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317382349416473,0.0,0.0,0.08335032255904734,0.07080905375625549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727741644093546,0.0,0.0,0.28418696718965475,0.0,0.07300164680107354,0.07937825298683195,0.0,0.06313987315944282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461484055751952,0.07713006959192541,0.0,0.0,0.12231917966571085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264467437476412,0.0,0.0,0.16552780065272088,0.052331397113926544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846376008632943,0.0,0.0,0.06968262759072348,0.0,0.0,0.05942595204632161,0.06462223095291172,0.06806918503446208,0.0,0.0,0.09823792627264047,0.04737440291987578,0.0,0.05869593349585232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039368509607463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301173730224587,0.0,0.0,0.05930599736830354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017908333234132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525211256341474,0.08083604346269962,0.0,0.04761155543061235
bpd,___that___dude,2019/02/23,"Does anyone else make an ass of themselves when they get drunk? I went out last night with my husband to a club a few hours away with some of his buddies from college. I ended up drinking way too much and trying so hard to be cool that I was borderline flirting with them. My husbands annoyed and I’ve made an ass of myself. It seems like everytime I drink I always do something wild and end up looking crazy and stupid. I drank so much I ended up throwing up like 3 times, I don’t even drink that often and this is why. Sometimes I can handle my alcohol and I guess I let those experiences fool me. I feel like an idiot ",1.5528831011508188,3.7640200000000017,2.807401574803152,92.33497880072686,81.28346456692913,5.167534827377348,22.367655966081166,6.297961479604792,0.3755807389460935,488,16,102,4,13,157,88,127,0.19399999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.087,-0.9356,0,0,5,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,6,9,3,0,5,1,7,8,2,2,0,17,16,9,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,10,6,0,2,5,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,4,20,5,15,10,4,17,0,0,1,2,5,6,2,4,11,68,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632442169043807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294991824455379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882226178155546,0.15946447294258956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622239318305272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619554908620402,0.0,0.0,0.4573834778875343,0.0,0.0,0.13001146028865787,0.0,0.413534119268505,0.0,0.0,0.10279417548039999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223900692794187,0.0,0.0,0.07869275686804515,0.1111842969061669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813118559966006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144737375952895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941666202354164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326722488417407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686172480512842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914535939864924,0.0,0.22810337124937535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306925823164098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726377468050675,0.10388628329734073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288164288783773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605109411144795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168250252480033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981394147772705,0.15392508658961776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075089517571452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566463907834013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353428751086935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442734158911392,0.14043463925887215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,uhchae,2019/02/23,"I can’t stop myself from obsessing over my boyfriends safety I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months now and he’s really supportive of me and I would like some advice on how to prevent my illness from running him off. 

Once I sent him a message around lunchtime, sent another one after I ate dinner, and another right before I was supposed to go to bed (maybe a 9 hour span in total). I was freaking out but I didn’t want to blow his phone up so I called the hospital he would have been admitted to had anything happened, and he wasn’t there. Thank god. 

He texts me the next morning from a different phone apologizing and told me he shattered his phone and wasn’t in the hospital or dead. He’s okay! I’m so excited! Until I overshare about calling the hospital and he gets freaked out and calls me paranoid and tells me to stop fucking obsessing over him. 

I can’t though :( I’m paranoid and obsessive and I don’t know why I can’t stop myself from not being scared that I’m going to get a call from him dad telling me he’s dead!! 

SUMMARY: How can I calm myself down when I’m obsessing in paranoia over my FPs safety? ",2.8935526315789453,4.608272828947372,4.150526315789474,86.67868421052633,75.09649122807018,7.60701754385965,27.35087719298245,8.371475516178862,1.8700403508771928,887,35,182,16,19,291,126,228,0.217,0.6579999999999999,0.125,-0.9776,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,11,14,1,5,8,1,17,4,0,2,1,30,36,20,2,3,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,14,2,4,2,0,0,5,8,8,0,1,12,0,31,6,31,21,2,31,0,0,0,1,31,15,1,2,12,114,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319005391788102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28307583718208196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107674032311496,0.12016049436417375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485772945233245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5513172044302844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102499181853478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478649946634195,0.1410425786116809,0.0,0.15342407674212832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365106219762188,0.11936204731070753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292775296645576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418127852785912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659442326023864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356051879635913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773945855261363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355237536677645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437489082530348,0.0914656953996356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864714118776018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527187256745812,0.0,0.0,0.13513816412548935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385470618117518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531732926003646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359563045880095,0.12427111475579153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261680812200494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897882767461633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961448716357028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179812774351507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177132288215454,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dylvnc,2019/02/23,"another failed relationship so i met this girl a couple months ago and i was immediately drawn to her. like full blown idolization, my boyfriend said he could feel me feeding off of her energy right away. didn’t know it at the time, but she also has bpd. anyway, we had started talking and she knew i had a big crush on her but i was trying really hard to just chill and be her friend. like i’m supporting tf out of her and letting her spill everything to me and expecting nothing in return, which is kinda what i got. she would often dump her trauma on me then not text me for days, which ik ab social energy n stuff, but it was a common thing. then one day we were drunk texting each other and she tells me she’s attracted to me and is sub af and tells me to call her babygirl etc and im ecstatic obvs. she wanted to go on a date so i’m like okay, time to let the clingy floodgates open just a little, because she did. so i wanted to go visit her at work, which is something i’d also do with my platonic friends, and it made her super anxious and uncomfy ig and she got wasted and her energy towards me totally changed. and like i’ve told my friends about it and they’re mad at her cus she used tf out of me emotionally, which i didn’t think until they mentioned it because i was really willing to let her use me. now she ghosted me and unfriended me on fb and one of her friends mentioned i made her uncomfy. which is like the opposite of what i was trying to do but now i don’t know what to think about this. like i’m not going to contact her at all but i’d like some outside perspective. 

tldr i fell out with someone i thought i was close to and really needed to tell the void about it ",2.8446832912457936,4.096087241477279,4.445580808080808,86.41036195286196,74.3125,7.828451178451178,25.252946127946128,8.401726058763845,1.5059573653198657,1327,43,285,23,27,446,173,352,0.071,0.76,0.16899999999999998,0.9903,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,1,3,14,19,2,0,9,1,27,2,0,4,2,59,54,31,1,6,9,0,2,7,4,2,0,1,0,1,19,28,2,0,7,1,0,5,5,4,0,2,21,3,58,15,41,26,6,41,0,1,0,0,49,21,0,3,22,200,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933617810943235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118888245496424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567755028891468,0.0,0.11385371942682256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468696354814184,0.0,0.0,0.12287019011530145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693000280404582,0.0,0.10290855654848713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066128184260138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046533995511045,0.11151213777124312,0.0,0.12999067315774804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336493638028824,0.0,0.0,0.11239733244351778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905753654366252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095784605125022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31145226210002713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182830664933396,0.0,0.16120736829623036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027988195009723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886065516006413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077308286233377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091658640555407,0.0,0.34465516509867483,0.10100892775149016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072262957259584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804423447980176,0.0,0.0,0.07472775285746497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670198191738516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365834784279125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936884561016952,0.0,0.0,0.10820095953808354,0.0,0.08606632930177902,0.09586570486932144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273342559794107,0.08539132095064766,0.07758605273994118,0.0,0.0,0.07133323257485483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153700072982076,0.0,0.11436495953048635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100386177487179,0.2642608195631349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669543450867741,0.12915264976478358,0.0,0.08000876923164735,0.11753229469725365,0.0,0.0,0.09630045915238067,0.0,0.13684721759700966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408466167480166,0.0,0.0,0.11888635999041605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336968812868264,0.0,0.0,0.07159185262716364,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,alwaysonthedamnphone,2019/02/23,"Is Anyone Else Attracted to Everybody!? I understand why I do this ave why it’s problematic and how to selectively identify the best possible mates. But, none of that matters. I will detail my life and rebuild it around someone I shouldn’t be attracted to in the first place? Do y’all do this? ",2.9177380952381005,5.598507678571429,4.696428571428573,78.01523809523812,79.35714285714286,9.447619047619048,28.97619047619048,9.725611199111238,3.4866047619047618,234,11,43,8,6,79,43,56,0.068,0.7509999999999999,0.18100000000000002,0.8252,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,8,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,6,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563850455225185,0.28668206766668186,0.0,0.2490760233368349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936265924380812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337320254984682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379926750927489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976268112570972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923252300112311,0.0,0.0,0.3154257503478327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370685896981065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29127547241027274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049412199700744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dddulcie,2019/02/23,"Trouble figuring out which version is actually “me.” The one that sees all the bad, or the one that sees all the good. Sometimes believing the bad things I think is easier because I can’t be let down. I have trouble trusting my thoughts because they are so polar opposites. I have trouble with relationships because either they’re great, or it’s all a sham and I’m being manipulated.",3.795773809523809,6.393686236111115,5.1380952380952385,76.54500000000003,75.5277777777778,8.003174603174603,32.507936507936506,8.841846274778883,3.2011603174603174,307,16,53,7,7,102,50,72,0.213,0.637,0.15,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,3,13,14,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,1,2,7,3,3,10,5,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.22207748735723595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800263022275018,0.4161774174661693,0.0,0.0,0.2563957636708445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087663348937528,0.0,0.2508989819948991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327078335465525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308417413354877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24432720887881304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626909105551621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250745705943561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118875402951099,0.1458189768882126,0.0,0.18066678295322344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Keashigi,2019/02/23,"Looking for resources I (23F) am looking for local resources for BPD? I'm located in Ottawa, ON and I'm low-income. I was diagnosed middle of last year and I've been feeling really helpless. It's been a double edged sword, because knowing that I suffer from BPD has given me some validation in the fact that there's a reason for my insane moods, but knowing doesn't help me change anything? I really want to start therapy but it just seems impossible with the cost. I was diagnosed by a doctor at the Monfort hospital and she said that they only offer free therapy for French speaking people, and she gave me a list of books and therapists that charge $160+/session. I'm just wondering if anyone knows of anything? Even if it's online, I just really need professional help. ",4.59234693877551,6.623278387755108,5.803826530612247,75.27063775510206,71.24489795918367,8.70952380952381,29.256802721088434,9.2995712137729,2.90837006802721,621,25,104,14,12,207,94,147,0.09,0.855,0.055,-0.6087,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,7,3,0,1,1,24,24,9,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,7,5,13,2,16,17,2,9,0,2,2,0,9,6,0,5,3,66,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788446087703782,0.0,0.25393812005808103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405489004313404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886504105090498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322033692366833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132059943909706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579242637895459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190832299795323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801460391145637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683717224584106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25438432508109954,0.12576846467321046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591326177751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440546436175948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734591751787805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696655342597562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965299626243627,0.15863773655904584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676689800724407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046152092740624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920857760459758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528923931878508,0.1791447496416433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910053407261272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673229481204748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935890369599748
bpd,ssammmy,2019/02/23,"Just got out of a toxic, abusive relationship and I'm feeling so low I recently got out of an abusive relationship where the other person would emotionally and physically hurt me. He would reaffirm my self-doubts, shout at me that I was stupid and hard to love and then accuse me of being manipulative and selfish. He ridiculed my appearance despite knowing I had a low self-esteem and me asking him not to. He blamed me for everything that happened and vilified me because of my emotional tendencies. In addition to this, he would push and shove me into walls and onto the floor and he and his family dismiss it as 'that's just how he is'. 

After going through a lifetime of bullying and being alone, feeling entirely unloveable, it felt so good to finally find love. For it to turn out so badly has really crushed me. I feel so worthless, like I don't deserve happiness and that no-one will ever be able to love me. I just want to give up. ",5.616499999999999,6.628092316666668,6.714444444444448,73.64000000000001,67.5,10.0,33.888888888888886,10.125756701596842,3.6017222222222225,747,34,133,18,12,251,110,180,0.228,0.644,0.128,-0.9704,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,11,15,2,0,6,0,12,3,0,2,1,36,30,20,0,4,4,0,5,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,9,18,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,9,0,0,5,6,20,6,25,18,0,21,0,4,0,3,16,13,0,1,6,97,29,0,0.13376183992333232,0.31697181482243825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853692570034454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250492638072129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116855491001963,0.0815399760847518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009281321246025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209952422205128,0.0,0.0,0.12021651670986278,0.0,0.12609875818082406,0.0,0.2029020160764914,0.0,0.1284323429840474,0.14652955740892878,0.12225589838987455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831654536538056,0.07601993617124045,0.11219308504018087,0.2139631255266273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828515328894255,0.14239196588969386,0.11982433506837067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319481616610352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351200904753942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534927841502622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621758488251402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679567918637065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569125982255063,0.0,0.13207367977568366,0.28722031421301786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790855428266954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454944711573233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788961988365516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28506171980057954,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SeaSeaworthiness444,2019/02/23,Im sitting here with popcorn on my sweatshirt I’m sorry but it’s the truth! I woke up this morning with plans to “live my best life” and clean up this apartment .. budget my money .. exercise..drink my green tea .. and maybe even begin writing a book (in small amounts obviously..lol) but instead I am sitting here with popcorn on my sweatshirt feeling completely overwhelmed with even the simplest task. Does anyone else struggle with making the life they want to live a reality? I’m 37 and I fear I am going to die like this ! Alone.. in my apartment.. dried up drool on my face .. and old popcorn on my sweatshirt ! Ughhhh ...  is this apart of BPD or am I just a slob?! Lol,1.2406292749658014,3.865081325581397,2.4624350205198366,90.92363885088922,88.45736434108528,4.5856817145462845,24.642498860009127,6.2272716619740125,0.8208072047423611,517,22,100,5,17,165,78,129,0.09300000000000001,0.732,0.174,0.8994,0,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,0,3,6,1,4,5,2,1,1,18,12,7,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,9,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,14,3,18,11,2,18,0,1,1,0,2,13,0,1,3,61,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060773328736615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391274337071057,0.20387264999594976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881121723746213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506011235712906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086207330635773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065038749209457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412372171357807,0.0,0.0,0.1949190311392362,0.0,0.0,0.1662174680653445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628412532600004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239013682542374,0.10060736778624826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308166116866745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492635226625345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810828179743617,0.09720877616496328,0.0,0.3513958458693752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328168681288898,0.0,0.1998963949287582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087900218998474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227354013848748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801110557209745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736017778591573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SealEvil,2019/02/23,"Recently diagnosed, and it makes so much sense. I have always had abandonment issues. I can remember getting overly angry and sad over friends not treating me well even in grade school.

As I grew into a teenager, I started to obsess over having friends, and started to realize that I was different. Fortunately, I gained some good friends and, besides being a follower, whatever was going on didn't manifest that often, besides some violent outbursts.

Moving into my 20s, I started to realize that no one considered me their best friend. I had best friends, but they always had someone else. This hurt me way more than it should have. I started having panic attacks whenever I perceived my friends were being mean to me or whenever I became embarrassed around them. I put so much energy into pleasing everybody, at the expense of my own health.

Fast forward a little bit more, and I am married with a kid. Looking back, my BPD manifested in the worst way when I was dating my now wife. She doesn't even know how bad it was. No other person would be able to put up with me. I am also bipolar, and currently going through a mixed episode. This has caused me to obsessively pursue friendships, which has been triggering my BPD hard. 

I have met some long distance friends, and the only time that I'm happy is when they are talking to me. I start thinking that they are going to abandon me if they don't message me back after thirty minutes. I get jealous if they talk about other friends. I obsess over becoming their best friends, especially with one in particular. 

My mania causes me to say exactly what I am thinking about most of the time. I am pretty good at filtering the thoughts, but enough slips out to make me think that I am being creepy. How can anyone put up with that? I am broken in so many ways. My self-esteem is tied up in pleasing other people. I have no self-image outside of what other people think about me.

That is my story. I left out the bad things that I have done or thought because of my disorder, in the interest of brevity. I don't know why I am posting. No one will read this anyways. Maybe it will help someone somehow. I don't know. Anyways, you're not alone, even if you think that you are, like I do.",4.324941176470588,6.1817142117647075,5.110882352941179,80.6839705882353,71.58823529411767,7.729411764705883,30.617647058823533,8.405096225971981,2.469258823529412,1760,77,314,29,34,570,214,425,0.152,0.6779999999999999,0.17,0.9026,3,1,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,2,8,4,23,34,3,5,12,0,48,3,0,7,1,59,75,23,0,5,9,1,1,1,9,4,3,1,0,2,25,17,0,2,15,1,1,10,11,15,1,3,14,3,63,19,48,53,15,56,0,4,1,0,29,25,0,11,20,252,88,3,0.07129052330534982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383548204744135,0.0,0.0570110057307316,0.11863885270960264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049847991482330135,0.0,0.0,0.06346368021041132,0.0,0.08110326209393914,0.0,0.10963602384085888,0.11904921830563857,0.04345804131222696,0.07873478197880247,0.0,0.0,0.2244450177996,0.0,0.07783078736578689,0.0,0.17957583692002002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464700106260697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235838050120365,0.0,0.07448342343967443,0.0817051160292189,0.0,0.0,0.07295495688239283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059554084421472364,0.0,0.0,0.07366216773253706,0.0,0.14126015485873558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957099331573165,0.0,0.07449271203841112,0.0,0.12154814185555375,0.11959021718511738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589008770043917,0.06386230599576008,0.0,0.0,0.07577849257842473,0.0,0.0,0.04778453503183983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631797966405074,0.0,0.0,0.07440878447135034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175382216011044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745736216451858,0.0,0.0,0.034828948663568594,0.07145183304443099,0.0,0.06308986974329593,0.05986608459939515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517395577261373,0.07227740114153773,0.07162091275782888,0.07765627941258288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577054402114937,0.10481347484435198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492491081484934,0.0542196554477328,0.0,0.08364406869749423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884774509184434,0.062248135146559996,0.0,0.15651117289383384,0.0,0.0,0.06827661480572535,0.07252809160730593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149999994896148,0.0,0.0,0.0713098155334188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039079121121827,0.0,0.08075826564800201,0.0,0.0,0.05669308552449963,0.0,0.07214981560440648,0.0,0.0,0.1487431273857815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080845810026113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522989966291817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460124439162594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736225592364855,0.22840044374451465,0.0,0.11319342455143995,0.08314015488510262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976129729720235,0.0,0.0,0.06409874209917077,0.0,0.06432860875151261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064274233108212,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,justarandomduderino,2019/02/23,"Does my partner has BPD? I am about to end it... Hey there reddit,

I hope it is okay for me to post on this sub, because I (26M) am not struggling with BPD myself. It is my girlfriend (25F) who is struggling. Here are some things to further describe the situation.

\- She doesn't acknowledge that she has BPD (although she was diagnosed with it, but she didn't believe it)

\- She is not in therapy or anything remotely helpful

\- She made me mentally unstable and brought me to the point where I need therapy myself

So with those points in mind, let me go a bit further.

We have been together for 3 years. At the beginning, everything was fine (like most of the times). Out of the blue (for me at least) she started to be insanely jealous. Like to the point where I could be meeting with my mother like usual and she wouldn't believe me and accused me of having an affair with someone. I want to state that I have never in my life gave anyone reason to question my loyalty as a friend and my integrity as a partner. I couldn't go to work without having to fear a conversation with her about my female coworker after I come home. I cut off contact to my female friends, I always let her look on my phone, I was super sensitive about not setting her off... I tried everything so that she can see my loyalty and maybe ease her doubts. But it was all in vain. 

The fact that I got really insulted by her accusations and therefore more and more angry, made her believe that I have something to hide, when all I was getting mad about was the fact that she, the love of my life, the woman I always dreamed of , the person I wanted to marry and getting children with, who I let the closest to my heart, thought I would be capable of doing these things. I only thought of her, I loved her so much and I still do, but our relationship has taken so many hits  I don't know if there is still hope for us. 

 I gave her all my love, everything I had and in the end it felt like it was never enough. She told me I am abusing her, I am her worst enemy because I don't understand her... But in the end it was her not understanding anything. I know about her past, that she had a rough childhood (because of her father) and she was cheated on by her ex (long before me). I gave her all the support I could and it wasn't enough for her. I realised how futile my attempts were and that I am NOT responsible for what happened to her and how she felt. I deserve trust. I deserve not being doubted all the time and just be seen like the man I am. An honest man who wanted to give her the best life possible. 

There are so many stories I could tell, but I will just describe how it is at the moment. A few months back, before the holidays, I called a pause. We were constantly arguing over everything, screaming, crying and making our lives completely miserable. Since then we had very little contact and the times we actually talked to each other, she told me what an evil person I am and that I just want to hurt her and destroy her, when I just wanted to protect myself from getting mentally ill from all this horror. I developed a depression, I can't hold my life together anymore and I changed personally. I am not the confident, vibrant person anymore. I became shy, uncertain and scared. My family and friends came to me sharing their concerns and how they want me to be happy - some of them even straight up told me that it might be best to leave the relationship for good... but I always seem to find new hope.. new fantasies of her getting treatment, coming up to me and telling me what she wants to change for us to have a better life TOGETHER...

We are not able to have that conversation. When we talk it always gets really confusing for me and I can't follow her patterns. She is extremely irrational and can't talk about the things we have to SPECIFICALLY change to improve our situation. She always makes me feel like the bad guy and that my intentions are so egocentrical and I don't think about her and her feelings (which is absolutely ridiculous to me).

I am done.. broken. I feel like I am losing the chance at making these years my best. I don't know what to do anymore. One of my pals has BPD and he is nothing like this. He talks openly about it and makes everyone understand what is going on. My girlfriend is in such a denial that when I  suggest treatment, she always makes me look like a guy that just called her a psychopath.

She is my first real love, my first really sincere partner. But we crumbled under our own expectations. We were talking about marriage, moving in together and living a life together once (things I never thought I would ever want) and now we are just arguing, insulting and disrespecting each other everytime we talk. She  threatened me with suicide once, that was the point where everything changed for me. I don't know what I am supposed to do anymore besides walking away. I love her so much, I love the person she is. I fucking HATE this jealousy and whatever else this is that speaks out of her sometimes. I can't put up with it anymore - otherwise I will break for good.

​

Any insights or recommendations would be nice. Otherwise this should be more of a ventflair, but I am desperately looking for answers to my questions. I myself am too weak to find  them alone right now...

I hope you are all doing fine.. Thank you for reading.

Not english speaking, so excuse my bad grammar plz.",4.529450582563278,5.853484799618323,5.269764965849742,81.84154680594621,70.27862595419846,8.302049015668944,30.201687424668545,8.72795950557414,2.370370992366412,4242,172,813,73,76,1375,386,1048,0.156,0.68,0.16399999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,1,144.0,17,2,4,10,47,71,13,9,45,1,105,17,1,14,13,175,183,66,1,24,27,3,6,9,9,8,9,3,1,14,56,63,0,2,25,4,0,11,27,31,0,3,38,15,191,40,112,120,27,91,0,4,6,7,148,40,1,18,45,636,247,2,0.04158305016616684,0.04926911473622482,0.0405790585350782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043067499180377895,0.0,0.0,0.2076025733216776,0.04505521748182692,0.050527957443545234,0.028277900056543112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619606032969132,0.029075835530258207,0.0,0.06843861436251776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039068644461420235,0.031974798809278615,0.06944021992716701,0.07604592426413317,0.0,0.07076822591008977,0.14054957338483598,0.13091653703721085,0.03677682866124619,0.0453979208658847,0.0,0.2094895840024286,0.0,0.0849218869667661,0.0475599315391308,0.0,0.0,0.17595741344047458,0.07164023140651894,0.04359903694858905,0.0449365045804142,0.0,0.09960204574228997,0.0,0.0456770280179255,0.0,0.0,0.0358154201758792,0.04220592060232983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03638960742364266,0.042553897646637466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03473730259337824,0.0,0.1104907198320995,0.08593281334325181,0.0,0.027465212455666813,0.037614249549848364,0.0,0.03973438643623835,0.18686082099398807,0.0,0.039200798899970135,0.04679249221304,0.06307691878461819,0.05941387869479176,0.07985249850517967,0.0,0.07601230902280938,0.07074104245726097,0.0,0.0,0.09638088422149388,0.03844285981827779,0.10862713717359596,0.039890250807974335,0.07089781707359924,0.06975577916985698,0.03325776390180931,0.0,0.0,0.0823475146846784,0.03677175393180923,0.0442659301355605,0.0,0.04105465307362322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927611466148813,0.027872241993303487,0.0,0.041711189791335576,0.16520540585748067,0.0,0.0,0.04451551524398156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141182752245708,0.0,0.0,0.044030446007514434,0.0,0.12756445839825156,0.17622802853553907,0.18283840083174205,0.041677140525747634,0.07343719026704144,0.03679969085478061,0.1047578675423396,0.04652079660364489,0.0,0.0,0.2251819577138285,0.07869377500663476,0.1387850444179637,0.08431737230138091,0.041775763033737805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381186825943575,0.04411304491137509,0.04198702667272463,0.0,0.03319119391719475,0.04419620150148015,0.0611366529584148,0.03083330480129725,0.09621423540562672,0.08032233794174114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039900058135501904,0.0,0.0,0.08856918260604664,0.028177750970391588,0.03162578345537494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039695726603808254,0.0,0.1815435773604072,0.0,0.0,0.15723769294661216,0.04687864109425542,0.03982506744244181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180245073252061,0.09316506582841486,0.0,0.04159430313010109,0.047330614777343516,0.07991750019390108,0.04275430121804482,0.0,0.08928926771273275,0.0,0.03551169763598047,0.0,0.0,0.041631887438086615,0.0,0.033136307206780874,0.03785564712113637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034397928804836914,0.09348218129655156,0.0,0.0,0.035233183463694966,0.03201266358193662,0.041126699890178565,0.0,0.029432696934397512,0.0,0.06641655515543303,0.0,0.0,0.08694326536366763,0.0,0.04548510767963826,0.04718795254712725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053728351371974,0.07269083738471514,0.03828408573402264,0.09510768372753707,0.0,0.1105037232295427,0.026644739496505268,0.0,0.09903689088047826,0.0727422328617694,0.0,0.0,0.11920315930871507,0.0,0.02823216147972622,0.0,0.0,0.12986826518402567,0.10003857872794844,0.0,0.045797854948955864,0.034310371316401064,0.1962140829414792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04008457646557921,0.0,0.03027295577270667,0.0,0.0,0.0886182172861516,0.0,0.050527957443545234,0.053556241906316485
bpd,MiseryMcGee,2019/02/23,Does anyone else get hallucinations? Last year I had a mental health crisis and ended up having hallucinations over a couple of months. Mostly auditory with a sprinkling of paranoia. The crisis team said I wasn't psychotic but the hallucinations were a stress response which has been known to happen to people with bpd. They stopped for a while and now every know and then I'll hear something. I've also started having the odd visual but they are few and far between. The strange part is that I know it is not real while it is happening. It's a very weird feeling. Some of the people I have opened up to don't seem to believe me. I guess I'm just feeling a bit alone in all this and wondering if anyone else has similar experiences?,4.6207930367504835,6.411198184397165,5.5608639587363005,78.02454545454547,70.70212765957447,7.68046421663443,27.002578981302385,8.296473431620573,1.884724822695035,588,20,106,9,11,193,95,141,0.166,0.8029999999999999,0.031,-0.9502,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,12,0,14,1,0,0,1,26,28,12,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,4,8,0,15,23,6,16,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,6,10,75,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594125706532684,0.0,0.12308812412472195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524601028526347,0.31541424540536817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341281495246474,0.0,0.0,0.16803853033662106,0.0,0.19385426218412904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030727735499782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346946299382326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571573836120885,0.0,0.13632561302584315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968250615898447,0.0,0.0,0.15056128366826566,0.0,0.0,0.1556510743012869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041577295687406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955796806402998,0.0,0.2722182589310821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360757683405575,0.17347670918637742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691785533266737,0.12546366742966913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511308556054976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285583435505887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667813404538315,0.0,0.21341464444215616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519231708010444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641121149972447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012111536935531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849355296162345,0.0,0.0,0.10894391290099772,0.0,0.0,0.1286822930864744,0.17631248469858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699842330542455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691744445545958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911810947109767
bpd,wrthyhrt,2019/02/23,"Scared I can’t fix myself? So I suspect that I have BPD-traits (recently realised after going through an extremely dark time the past few weeks and comparing it to similar episodes in my past), but I haven’t been diagnosed by a professional as having it, only as experiencing moderate to severe symptoms of depression and anxiety.

I don’t know how to go about seeking a BPD diagnosis (or ‘quiet BPD’) and I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be taken seriously if I did ask.

So I’ve ordered myself a DBT workbook to use in my own time which will hopefully allow me to manage the worst of my symptoms and deal with my triggers.

But I’m also worried that if I don’t seek help from a professional, I won’t be able to recover fully by myself. 

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling empty and dissociated from myself. What do you think I should do? ",7.805281065088756,6.109266591715977,9.057034023668637,67.75407174556213,63.556213017751475,12.236982248520713,37.6930473372781,11.20814326018867,4.180591124260356,670,28,127,16,8,235,103,169,0.161,0.764,0.075,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,8,0,17,4,0,4,0,23,29,16,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,3,3,22,1,22,20,4,12,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,4,7,94,29,3,0.15746215513485154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592242857183109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045811768528995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720585922260246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949542165048689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233656780400213,0.13562192348609153,0.1598207729095479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961759684456822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897874295985045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554356342711366,0.0,0.0,0.15639544924131218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653708247100116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122017688090648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975706449651526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006308885809034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547488181972755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764708678504713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788741548185874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273269407349921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089539096725593,0.0,0.0,0.18363489787248066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599674519315133,0.0,0.0,0.09287525880229903,0.0,0.12630664287839696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991046193434275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,borderlineactivity,2019/02/23,Intuitive or paranoid? Someone please put me out of my misery. I cannot go the rest of my fucking life never being able to distinguish between my strong intuition and extreme paranoia. I feel like all of my organs are being ripped out of body. My confused mind is destroying my entire being. ,4.380000000000003,6.9389873703703735,5.229407407407408,76.80633333333336,73.44444444444444,7.282962962962964,31.170370370370367,8.238735603445708,2.8261303703703704,234,11,36,4,5,76,42,54,0.21,0.665,0.125,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,0,6,3,1,0,2,10,9,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,2,8,6,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,2,29,9,0,0.3250782455088703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610886471157648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436932843767668,0.2322359635452417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005295997318893,0.0,0.0,0.18474945835379855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961237850877705,0.15881681041920126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282363585730596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25072038337459074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568382944037453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32679342395030103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754377425008863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,treebert333,2019/02/23,"Finding the right therapist No, I am not asking for a diagnosis.  BPD, which I have considered for a decade now, seems likely, but I really just want the truth.  I have eliminated autistic spectrum disorders, bipolar disorders, and many other possibilities, but BPD always returns as the most likely.  I'm not looking for someone to give me my preferred diagnosis. BUT, I have been disheartened, to the point of not really wanting to talk to psychological professionals, with their dismissive attitude toward diagnosing anything at all with people who are over a certain age (I am in my late 40's).  

YES, I do have longstanding problems with alcohol, sex, depression and anxiety, and I'm willing to tackle these issues.  I have an ADHD diagnosis (in 2006), which sometimes makes sense, but sometimes doesn't, though my daughter exhibits similar issues.  But I am also certain that there must be some deeper problem with my basic ""wiring"" that makes it so difficult to make progress, despite my best efforts.  ADHD accounts for some of this, but BPD would account for more, though another explanation would be just as welcome.  I've done my honest best to deal with what's ""on the surface"" with no long-term progress, and I feel that I'm running out of options.  When I meet with a therapist and one of the first thing she says is ""why put a name on it?"" I simply want to walk out of the room.  If I had many symptoms of diabetes or liver failure, and my MD said ""why put a name on it?"" I would find another doctor.  It seems just about impossible, however, to get a good feel for how a therapist will actually operate before making an appointment, and I don't have the time or resources to visit every professional in town.  

I apologize if I have violated any forum rules.  I don't think that I have, but I could be wrong. I am capable of being reasonable most of the time.  I'm just frustrated at this point.  

​",6.748068181818184,7.539807215909092,7.511931818181817,69.70352272727274,64.9090909090909,10.945454545454542,36.17045454545455,10.832165505486646,4.236989772727272,1508,71,256,40,22,503,192,352,0.14300000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9531,1,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,0,0,1,6,13,18,2,0,19,1,32,8,1,6,5,69,53,26,0,13,18,1,2,2,0,6,6,2,1,0,17,16,1,0,9,0,2,5,8,8,0,2,4,5,31,10,46,38,8,31,0,2,1,1,16,18,0,11,10,190,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0836725762654538,0.0,0.2060922975633233,0.0,0.0,0.09163294649987448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856846324708038,0.07134485444894621,0.09290225690292757,0.10418685216853801,0.058308024742926026,0.1798175435592213,0.0655929853719798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055899503927111,0.0,0.08015791676144549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296078314032574,0.0,0.1799634971847353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32397005673090623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068458625946704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839703227909265,0.0738501232983263,0.08702710801926015,0.0,0.0,0.1965372886775081,0.08776135967895232,0.0,0.08774462431533904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224198289301606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670824292343544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673467925152304,0.07293275748359435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447970591126387,0.0822522792167061,0.0,0.07191696854549465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898635317473244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967215807418869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377917406515836,0.0,0.0,0.07587965445107682,0.07200233304053927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289358626401475,0.17385942451797595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058101520887207325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059443241611972876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210926682178212,0.09666209157586028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640885046792366,0.0,0.1723903349791191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985802975424172,0.08815784935598299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322385821725633,0.08156101042296265,0.06818609321699387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611399747400695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264957189414155,0.0,0.16960358654613447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911956972289273,0.0,0.0689167917090527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29866189838024504,0.056963687326233664,0.05494050572088242,0.16848367496533867,0.0,0.0999945989642967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171992413049235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473902936380635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827276139976072,0.0937462603133446,0.10418685216853801,0.0
bpd,Licuasbe,2019/02/23,"Addiction and compulsive behavior-TW substances and gambling I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on how to quit an addiction/compulsive behavior without replacing it with some other addiction/behavior?
I am stuck in an alcohol drinking, compulsive gambling loop and I just want to quit the cycle altogether. But I ALWAYS have to have a back up addiction to quit something and I don't even know what the replacement would be at this point and that scares me the most. ",6.989285714285713,8.825141261904765,7.429523809523811,66.73214285714286,64.95238095238095,12.742857142857144,39.0,12.161744961471696,5.86687142857143,382,21,59,15,6,125,59,84,0.057,0.9259999999999999,0.017,-0.4767,0,0,3,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,6,0,7,4,0,1,0,17,12,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,10,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,1,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321288841654988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118127655552924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491613012784445,0.0,0.0,0.1347810416080258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858424389915314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240158145068675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415801637550728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090752620804866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892411834095116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736062431272751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6324220561074383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843019254589409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525820564325239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690197302547276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191055239520773,0.21493664670283055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079376011409522,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AyyyItsAzrael,2019/02/23,"Does anyone feel like they’re experiencing emotions for no reason? Asking because I’m mad as fuck for no reason and figured someone here would be able to relate. 

I don’t even mean like you’re doubting whether or not your reason for being feeling some way is justified.

It happens with other emotions too.
It’s just that I’m trying to sleep but I’m really pissed and have no clue why.
",2.004064327485377,4.679041921052633,3.384912280701758,85.83494152046785,83.73684210526315,4.956725146198831,22.91812865497076,6.42735559955562,0.7684900584795322,310,11,56,3,9,101,59,76,0.223,0.696,0.081,-0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,3,1,0,0,6,3,2,3,0,18,15,6,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,3,2,2,7,12,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,2,33,6,0,0.18777057322149032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312935506797535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554013879791114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144631986123702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431929398968967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224332432919281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240206927063418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988488739048387,0.13414333502776726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359086924856093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604489777792286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347043483602446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453720106799475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029063734600536,0.5791782672495016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790617888384345,0.0,0.15909739735202744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274838936332538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904354102245473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943373648803134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333868278156113,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floptimus_prime,2019/02/23,"Does anyone else almost forget who they are after watching TV/movies? This sounds absurd and hilarious, but I'm going to try to explain it as best I can. It's a kind of identity disturbance I've had since I was a kid. If I watch too much TV and then walk away from the screen, I kind of ""see"" myself from a distance and ""I"" look like one of the characters from the show. I change my speech patterns and even the way I move. I hear character's voices in my mind. It happened to me this week after I watched a bunch of movie reviews on Youtube, suddenly my brain had an English accent and I was adopting the reviewer's speech patterns and mannerisms, EVEN IN TEXT. The same thing happened when I binge watched Hell's Kitchen. My brain turned into Gordon Ramsay. It's really funny, but also upsetting. I totally know I'm doing it, but it's like I temporarily kind of forget who I actually am. 

It's only temporary, usually just going to sleep or doing something else ""resets"" my brain to my regular self. And then the next day when I wake up, I'm like, shit. Better not do that again. 

It's been an issue for as long as I can remember. It was fine when I was young, I'd watch a show and then go play with toys or write stories or whatever, continue the story and it was an advantage to be able to get inside character's heads. It was also handy back when I used to write fanfic. But I don't write fic anymore and I don't play with toys because I'm almost 34. So as an adult, it's really unsettling and it's a huge part of why I can't binge watch shows or movies. I avoid most shows that I think might mess with my head. I honest to god lose my true self, it's overwritten with whatever random traits people from TV have. 

This also happens when I'm around other people for more than about an hour. That's a more common thing to happen when you have BPD.",3.1242716768264955,4.430733810026389,4.576025839323084,85.53200527704489,73.69656992084433,7.97164953143481,24.150759712492036,8.53829466247534,1.4606059685196977,1450,42,303,26,29,484,193,379,0.067,0.8,0.133,0.9774,0,1,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,1,4,18,21,2,3,20,0,23,9,8,1,2,49,44,37,0,1,11,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,1,4,25,17,1,1,4,10,0,5,4,7,0,1,9,14,36,14,41,33,9,37,1,1,9,0,13,8,2,11,26,195,61,2,0.0976940740018825,0.0,0.09533532368623952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565300646626704,0.0,0.0,0.234377747050226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688627022909127,0.06830996804247785,0.10009912376646768,0.0,0.08696843820814629,0.0,0.0,0.0917867984170306,0.0751207126121436,0.0,0.059553400747935976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252390341958442,0.08640246942995075,0.0,0.0,0.12304226626218293,0.32717668786862386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334737652205604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300459570212119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549274250779441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322172599760046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905202900697546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051041121491777135,0.0,0.16656538084826605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455621880009226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005246093339267,0.0,0.11010832158915024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620898391924186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196723154069932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052000335114455,0.05369010815067786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431851695171004,0.0,0.0,0.08645618123844176,0.08203841728031441,0.1092946796317696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363797404949973,0.0986431652919387,0.0,0.0,0.10383333985443717,0.07181638521560806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389875601610728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620003288618324,0.07430074554200787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579316192602596,0.0,0.13545754016364733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251706508106807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066834152257568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784952848510038,0.0,0.2038324509396259,0.0,0.10028156306136564,0.08081354755706209,0.0,0.09776462749376208,0.0,0.0,0.07520967106726736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298072035544673,0.06259841790659143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632786343983854,0.1062630989544944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437631301017445,0.10759622039825964,0.0,0.0,0.07754500865785202,0.07836429334860755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815370644553555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Fumblyfoobz,2019/02/23,"I wish I could forget you You make me feel sick. You’re so manipulative and awful and you treat me like shit despite the fact we were “friends”. I’m glad I cut you out of my life , I’m so much better off without you but it doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. The fake attention you gave me, the fake friendship, the fake attraction. It all sucked me in and made me feel so wanted and now I’m left just hating you and all your fake words and your lies and your face and you. I have to work with you. I want to quit my job. I want to quit my life. I want to quit it all. But I must be strong and I must carry on even though we went no contact a month ago, I hate you, I obsess over you, and I have to see you in 10 hours. You were the worst FP I ever had. It was the position you wanted and you manipulated me until you got it and then you lied to me repeatedly and hurt me over and over. I’m done with you but I’m not over you. I don’t know if I ever will be. You’ve killed me inside. You make me sick. I’m spinning in circles.",-1.1979093567251482,0.6817747938596526,1.3147368421052654,100.67704678362571,90.53508771929823,4.430409356725146,14.146198830409356,5.82211442006289,-1.1401502923976603,775,13,204,6,27,263,107,228,0.294,0.603,0.10300000000000001,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,23,0,6,9,21,6,1,7,1,16,6,2,5,8,53,42,24,1,10,7,0,2,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,5,19,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,14,0,0,9,3,54,7,21,27,5,21,0,2,1,0,28,11,2,1,10,138,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972891387118673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945595286163775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784016017900357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822062903189528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921060471688391,0.2443520110197729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658805850095251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043525754434061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802556994601367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667017728737161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301397429665535,0.0,0.28918443945114153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340333442209773,0.0,0.14943183314715125,0.0,0.07422939495477407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675089643038292,0.0,0.1908039004989378,0.06598700620930506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780384035128428,0.1803167954105024,0.0,0.0,0.14712776550587375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780934192327238,0.0,0.09928992520247444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43098174486908025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763106270424773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864452890043605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327028277631102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983306387451263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252086377080101,0.0,0.0,0.15532060198381187,0.13019995064981468,0.0,0.09833052248949282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sadclownbaby,2019/02/23,"taking a break from my fp hello everyone. i'm pretty new here, as i just found this subreddit last night and i made this throwaway to be able to post here. i'm looking forward to talking with you guys!

​

so, i guess i'll just get right to it. i'm diagnosed with bpd and my best friend is my favorite person. let's call him j. j is aware of my bpd and is incredibly understanding, thankfully. he is extremely patient with me and tries his best to be considerate of my triggers and mood swings, and i'm incredibly grateful for that. we got to school together and share a class, but his parents don't really allow him to hang out, so we text each other every single day. i am extremely attached to j, unhealthily so.

​

i recognize how unhealthy my dependence on j is, so i decided to take a small break, if you can even call it that. we won't text each other at all until monday. i want to learn how to handle being on my own. i know it's a process, and i accept that. i'm taking small steps. my main issue is my deep, visceral jealousy. every time i see him interacting with someone else on social media i feel a small part of me shrivel up and die. every time i see him tell his other friends that he loves them i convince myself that *he never loved me, i was never important to him, i'm being replaced and he's going to forget all about me.* 

​

i know for a fact that this isn't true. he's told me on countless occasions that i am the most important person in his life, that he wants to be by my side for however long possible, that he'll never be able to love someone as deeply as he loves me.

​

how do i convince myself in these moments of jealousy that this is true? how do i combat the feeling to lash out, act out for attention so his eyes are back on me? how do i learn how to accept that he has other friends, he can love other people and that won't change the fact that he loves me as well? 

​

i'm so afraid that if my jealousy tendencies don't change that he'll finally get tired of my bullshit and leave. i don't think i can survive without him. my worst fear is losing him, and i'm willingly to do everything in my power to prevent that. i want help. i want to get better.",3.3455061409179088,4.564321663736268,4.826480284421462,84.29454912734326,73.02197802197801,7.8144796380090495,27.008726567550106,8.313332769828598,1.7549469941822884,1747,62,357,28,34,586,199,455,0.11599999999999999,0.708,0.17600000000000002,0.9797,3,0,0,0,0,0,68.0,3,2,1,6,20,26,0,2,9,0,34,10,1,10,9,72,76,33,1,6,6,1,2,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,29,25,0,1,14,0,0,5,10,4,1,0,5,6,65,21,55,59,12,42,0,1,4,6,53,20,0,5,16,242,94,4,0.12921664274257702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500154460635977,0.392530910996456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967981110084587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560489452500096,0.05714080991335894,0.0,0.0,0.1627438380912558,0.0,0.13194463952692834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669407450625698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041667022371411296,0.0,0.0,0.0655760861973771,0.06705323724494558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397196214698838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042673186930145074,0.0,0.1633058918680866,0.06173601979905216,0.05806579327990299,0.0,0.0,0.07270232372524114,0.06533581709634588,0.0,0.0,0.07077525803244718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083968960616435,0.1497486864707606,0.0,0.10126554391911756,0.0,0.036718397934653535,0.0,0.051673176683099634,0.0,0.07117334999703194,0.0639723958633917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330559593021005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674343017427561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101408754417161,0.052664405075383766,0.0,0.06841088362703167,0.0,0.06606638594983992,0.04563476807960135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571763313082836,0.05425471793034538,0.07228018544589841,0.0,0.0,0.3498691950892077,0.06113395584537039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948976125462887,0.062399119380323526,0.0,0.06063053291923516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173989500347179,0.06996451601014961,0.0,0.04479127509253278,0.11282698832456307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283617476745909,0.061876912484116225,0.0657298899454064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041389745061066664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055175153437209926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538707050140129,0.10296893453070093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586004732026401,0.1094848420719306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573225119921773,0.05192972139852504,0.05647052060554353,0.05948266191695056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139840356504477,0.0,0.0,0.07534726351591135,0.07425776114827587,0.0,0.06173601979905216,0.0,0.04386480920950693,0.0,0.0,0.06725954108234272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243064755468766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058090640060258776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228011624859745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392530910996456,0.0
bpd,s-poonerisms,2019/02/23,"It's been nearly a month since my mom died, and I still can't feel anything. I surprised myself how little I cried. 

I feel like I haven't had an appropriate reaction to it all.

I feel everything wrongly, and handle everything wrongly.

I'm personally convinced that slight criticism and short relationships are what I've put 10 times more focus into.

I can't even live with myself because of how much I don't fucking feel.

​

I can't get into my therapy, my memory is dead, I've been relying on people more AND ditching them more, and I just can't enjoy anything. 

I'm just numb, and I'm a burden on my father because I literally don't have any empathy or drive to support him. I'm in it for me. I'm just selfish.

I'm dogshit at this point.",3.8852751196172255,5.035850039473687,5.7135645933014345,78.71086124401914,71.6315789473684,8.685167464114832,30.265550239234447,9.095868883498916,2.6222421052631577,594,25,115,12,11,205,89,152,0.179,0.768,0.053,-0.9529,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,1,0,3,0,13,2,0,2,1,20,26,9,2,0,4,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,3,4,20,5,12,23,5,15,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,1,4,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749053810351175,0.1961506822856674,0.10977545244915532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656802606139869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680800734418544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731926370679346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753506369308002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662058066208388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901591862000984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264880482560397,0.11532301554285418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923605789512753,0.08433860440587257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886475986253566,0.16179160930807354,0.14254242309435278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890605882266584,0.12884897118605645,0.0,0.11866694001883768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119127044993999,0.14095126090783136,0.0,0.0,0.15260007683351468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622780663864809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331148604422275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335335435203605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289152903455242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318470716185895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460509782737156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412900190131412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529887416590017,0.1961506822856674,0.0
bpd,baby-bunni,2019/09/04,"Struggling with severe hyperfixation after a breakup/my ex moving on/ a sexual assault all in 3 weeks. Please help. My ex and I were together for 5 months. We were toxic and codependent. There were times where it was beautiful and silly and felt so right but it also got really dark. He was possessive, manipulative, and constantly paranoid and accusatory. I have BPD so that immediately makes me harder to love because of my ups, downs, dissociation, insecurity and manic breakdowns. I attempted suicide last month, mostly unrelated to the relationship, and he broke up with me the next day while I was in the hospital. We did a friends with benefits thing for a few weeks which was actually really helping me get over the breakup and detach from the emotional connection but towards the end it got a little weird and he got drunk and talked about running away together and seemed more emotionally invested than I thought was healthy but I was selfish and wanted to be able to keep him in my life in a comfortable way. One night, while withdrawing from Lamictal, I had a psychotic manic breakdown that I could not control due to a sudden change in chemical balance and he couldn't care less. He pushed me to drive home, knowing I was talking about crashing my car and being destructive, just so he could go smoke weed with his friends. It was the most heartbreaking moment I'd ever experienced. That same night, he accused me of having sex with a friend and I kindly and carefully talked him out of it with no judgement or anger and a few days later, after no interaction, he texted me telling me that we were ending all communication and then screamed at me and told me he was done dealing with me. 

Anyway, the breakup wasn't difficult for me, I finally felt free to be social, make friends, and live the way I wanted to without fear and have been able to make so many friends and beautiful memories already. I've been comfortable and surprisingly handled it with no self-destructive behaviors at all. I have been on some dating apps and met a few people casually with my friends and built up boundaries blocking romance or intimacy due to feeling guilty and trying to heal in a healthy way. He always accused me of being the one that would start dating first but I'm pretty sure he's talking to/sleeping with/dating someone else. My friend who lived with him told me she heard girls laughing in his room before she moved out and every night I have dreams of him having sex with girls, laughing at/mocking me, screaming at me and telling me he never loved me. I know this makes me sound crazy but I've always been intuitive, especially in dreams, and I am generally right when I suspect something. I'm replaying every interaction we had every day and every moment of the past and analyzing things I missed and the ways I could have been tricked. Due to this, I've developed severe hyperfixation. 1/3 of of every day is spent on paranoia and panic attacks and self-doubt. The worst part of it all is that I'm not jealous and I don't want to be with him, I'm just obsessing over details. The whole issue is that, if he has started something new after three weeks, he obviously never really loved or attached to me in the first place though he made it so clear that he did. I can't help but invalidate every beautiful moment we ever had and paint it as something fake. 

I haven't slept or eaten in a week and I'm getting to a severe and dark state of mania and delusion. I also was sexually assaulted by a boy at a party just a few days ago and during it, could only think and cry about my ex and how this awful man at the party was the first person who had touched me since my ex. I wanted to hold on to having my ex be the last intimate experience until I met someone I really cared for. I have been sexually assaulted multiple times in the past but I think this time, it was the big trigger for more intense mania and detachment from reality and it won't stop playing in my head. I'm losing touch with what is real and what isn't. I can't even be touched by my family or friends anymore because none of it feels safe. My ex was the only person that I could feel safe being touched or intimate with and and the only person I had sex with that I loved and that didn't force anything but now I can't convince myself that he loved me at all or meant anything he ever said. My psychiatrist is prescribing me Xanax next month and I'm hoping it will numb me enough to work through this but until then, how do I handle this? How do I stop fixating? Any advice, support, kind words, or tips on how to ease my brain would be so deeply appreciated. My mind is getting so dark and I'm scared. I need help.",7.273540343289633,6.8907032549668905,7.601815110150023,73.4936849574267,63.911699779249446,10.707176645492632,34.60458620534307,10.196790570476328,3.3963503896923006,3743,146,696,75,49,1227,375,906,0.158,0.6629999999999999,0.179,0.9791,0,0,4,0,0,1,77.0,5,0,0,7,30,61,8,6,39,1,77,17,3,12,13,164,137,91,1,15,24,6,9,0,8,4,4,5,2,7,39,73,2,8,13,5,3,7,19,26,0,6,50,15,89,36,100,68,21,115,0,4,0,8,81,40,0,14,63,477,128,1,0.10152452348692953,0.0,0.049536644917332166,0.0,0.0,0.049604294675374284,0.0449976822159705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601741811751521,0.08118912475269748,0.08447653650113236,0.0,0.0,0.03452007869768297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034252342288866,0.0,0.0,0.08354603237972186,0.0,0.0,0.05774940101123389,0.04769281589945938,0.0,0.0,0.0618884072010739,0.0,0.04319494592644703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393329164867931,0.05666747219361167,0.0,0.0,0.1552665269245838,0.0,0.05369974208887965,0.0,0.0,0.0548559713208181,0.05693419294802325,0.2026476771966253,0.0,0.05575996091301747,0.1636872968369925,0.052333662894078856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194741804440228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240535601550727,0.11420142409551612,0.08992059373435628,0.052450985988897164,0.0,0.033527995131265885,0.13775211582388444,0.25661636926359405,0.0,0.0,0.049655232499452584,0.04785414264613677,0.057121657210225024,0.07700077431840814,0.0,0.09747946371879176,0.055607576500214036,0.0,0.12953506172123308,0.0,0.0,0.3137503800141294,0.0,0.07956355987761292,0.0,0.028849363165591963,0.0,0.12179765381133087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209672546166239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609949609636193,0.0,0.05091868743053033,0.05041837972479957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298261281053458,0.0,0.045119830622631016,0.0,0.10572216819704387,0.05579522301275147,0.08275603693949271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03585488668783896,0.0,0.050877121991606516,0.0896480142544535,0.0,0.0,0.056789986407252364,0.0,0.0,0.2290746155724839,0.04803247944180752,0.13553681555674055,0.05146496595584405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125541366671597,0.0,0.1215538590702218,0.10790450146008868,0.0,0.03763957387649609,0.0783019713014633,0.04902650871151267,0.10797248249895673,0.14291083174897493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879564459006295,0.11582096247307586,0.0,0.05955857681566382,0.0,0.054970582721877236,0.09691664540755744,0.03519216072809317,0.13297094688804684,0.053035759325255775,0.05572171977321744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164346955562001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777856713746901,0.13007841885945234,0.0,0.0,0.054499671866348916,0.0,0.08670138833726586,0.048286535359007995,0.0,0.050821879553368594,0.0,0.0,0.04621205659403172,0.10591221967270856,0.17204072060029774,0.0,0.04199106747693288,0.0,0.0507989216418086,0.05174573320510248,0.08602139929094406,0.11723780732952994,0.0,0.0,0.07185958026790337,0.0,0.0,0.08487904760230701,0.0,0.05306773764293159,0.0,0.05552567529887659,0.057604413066466374,0.047842830946524084,0.0,0.0,0.16320313259638916,0.08873690840208719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744838221090163,0.06505281526983824,0.04987366442887381,0.04029956562465108,0.08879964912572898,0.0,0.0,0.09701103292963352,0.0,0.034464243601438835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976358872458605,0.16117088233266938,0.16287369775272215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667425241170147,0.0,0.0489330088651654,0.0,0.0369555311248618,0.0,0.0,0.07212010860423346,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,itmaywork,2019/09/04,"Everything comes second to destroying relationships I can't focus. I swear it's like I try everything I can to get myself into situations that demand my mental energy.

I've had my FP for a year now. She's been so cool and around through everything. Something happened and I developed feelings for her. I guess that means I obsess over stupid shit now. You didn't text back, but posted on Facebook recently. Well now these obsessions have put everything I work for in the backseat. I don't give a fuck about school, about my career, work etc. I just want to know you don't hate me for something.

She's even told me that I'm her best friend and what not. There's just been too many cases of people praising friendship then suddenly disappearing. I have zero trust and I can't stop crying about it. I can't and won't blow up on her. This has to be okay somehow. Why can't I just be like everyone else and make responding to messages a lower priority?? 

My anxiety is crippling right now and I can't do anything other than cry over fear of losing someone important again.",2.7467646388699047,5.195847540669857,3.987122351332879,84.2031897926635,78.37799043062199,7.425928457507405,24.78491683754841,8.418075326091056,1.8446840282524493,852,31,162,18,21,278,131,209,0.124,0.637,0.239,0.9811,1,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,5,19,18,5,3,4,2,20,2,1,1,0,23,34,10,0,1,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,3,0,0,3,10,9,1,2,5,2,29,9,24,26,2,24,1,1,0,1,14,9,2,2,13,115,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012155094834581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887848130467034,0.1177824637375238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173693803722893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884942843110049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397190998841808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906689732062335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110526631382508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755876087812406,0.08738840342509549,0.0,0.0,0.1264262782362787,0.4756407789883445,0.0,0.0,0.14888365394512298,0.06689906652472644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222108672210574,0.12231691810273634,0.06912564103818378,0.1269222051699898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575254088328765,0.0,0.11699981831301183,0.0,0.0,0.13062708293504874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271319741520439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927833272139386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801917690672495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831683694814771,0.13413987891611515,0.0,0.14412255771456273,0.0,0.0,0.13333567630486962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917259361040504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671480570956484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133006414374831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306385130172581,0.14204963025512124,0.0,0.1129905899811372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339030924762054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581259831927325,0.0,0.14872010521286586,0.0,0.0,0.11210441774101418,0.20371483121245126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061568735571804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264262782362787,0.0,0.08982867039296152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780388803902975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896107729469385,0.0,0.11938768761029725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264407848332696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520222592844973
bpd,starkravingeskie,2019/09/04,"Triggered when dieting Just need to vent....My mom was Narcissistic and BPD, a very abusive combination, which is why I've struggled with my own BPD traits my whole life. She died when I was 12 but the scars live on. I've been in therapy for 2 years now trying to recover from my own BPD (I am 30.)

My mom put me on like 20 diets before the age of 10 and I've had binge eating disorder all my life. Dieting is very hard for me. I've learned in therapy that to face my BPD mood triggers, I gotta expose myself to those situations that make me go a little crazy so I can work through them. So one day a week I've been fasting to lose weight. Physically I feel great when I'm fasting, but it's drudged up all sorts of deep-seated issues. Today it got really bad. 

My very loving boyfriend has been helping me heal through this. He is fasting with me and he's very excited because he has already lost 2 pounds. Today he was cautioning me about a Jamba Juice drink that had 900 calories in it, and I totally flipped. Rage filled me, and it was like I could hear my mother's condescending, controlling, snide, hateful, mean voice echoing through his words. My whole head got hot and rage flooded me, and I had to bite my lip from screaming at him I KNOW HOW TO FUCKING COUNT CALORIES CAN YOU JUST LAY OFF. I knew this was wrong so I stopped myself and burst into tears instead, then I completely shut down because I was scared of flipping out and hurting him. 

He gave me a big hug but I could tell he was totally confused by my reaction, and it took me a long time to explain to him what had happened.

Now I'm back at the office and my whole head is on fire. I am full of rage. I hate everyone. Just the sound of people's voices make me want to scream. I am so incredibly angry that I can feel my amygdala pulsing at the base of my skull.

I don't know how to get back my great mood from this morning. I am so tired of being this way. I wish I could just be normal and stable. I am disappointed in myself and scared I will never heal, and I hate that my mom's abuse still effects me this much despite her being dead 18 years.

Sorry if this triggered anyone. Please share stories and advice. Thanks for reading, I really just needed to vent this out.

****Sorry for typos, I'm on mobile",2.020589180772511,4.005594133909291,3.416645738108393,89.74492340147673,78.50323974082073,6.2940177809031095,23.94238786478477,7.3071595529392575,0.9468497563915816,1776,61,375,23,43,581,233,463,0.213,0.682,0.10400000000000001,-0.9959,0,0,1,0,1,0,55.0,0,1,1,5,22,30,7,4,11,0,36,19,5,9,5,63,68,30,2,9,9,4,6,2,0,2,5,6,0,0,20,20,6,2,9,2,0,4,2,19,0,1,20,12,65,9,50,40,11,49,0,4,0,3,25,21,1,3,25,236,85,3,0.0,0.1797460193460223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412235061418469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370530683644913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053037950079920695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665204126617006,0.06333381054867818,0.09247816640740934,0.0,0.06454503481349412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821351268485969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795300806680326,0.0,0.08507521857223503,0.18168655289166297,0.0,0.0,0.048918696603352664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787230952051114,0.0,0.08693373065528524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430673856137775,0.0,0.07761621739640866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248047616957934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670677749368605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012457055101178,0.039629889037872935,0.0,0.04310882002355207,0.0,0.12133261792310646,0.1672556715088464,0.0,0.0,0.06707626500902504,0.0,0.06794909276519988,0.2246664215033088,0.15569344452093553,0.0,0.08549147117442232,0.0,0.0508424453673188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120185137363363,0.0,0.0,0.07917047967114163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337328672472623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715396719982934,0.07411556556734197,0.07602430191139595,0.06697929673146684,0.0671272254405628,0.0,0.08485973465404144,0.08280214896994895,0.0,0.06845999558462669,0.0,0.10126449160877016,0.0,0.0,0.08262579390659963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26651318879314123,0.0,0.0,0.05576043970064795,0.11248758641163356,0.05850225478027218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431951092756921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139973184181766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258669019344908,0.0,0.0,0.08326345282974447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625288335609469,0.0,0.0,0.075873196171013,0.0,0.09718632462307407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188350927190064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526157846451005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982170640122626,0.0,0.0,0.06057603973492545,0.06341622804385537,0.0,0.07929767939677416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629857636362681,0.06983494682047629,0.17348827608095918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442303014956584,0.08718148505253262,0.14379892266960978,0.0,0.08427510664220778,0.051498983396425946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503455846294178,0.04473986966426815,0.060208318287964274,0.06084443599925515,0.09236811645411967,0.0,0.0,0.0684452359706989,0.25406038946114146,0.08722682632226261,0.0,0.0,0.055221646696053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293298639519918,0.0,0.0976932642826153
bpd,RedRoses1993,2019/09/04,"i [25f] am only realizing now that i have had BPD for years when i realized this, i became very scared of myself and heartbroken too.

i just want to know one thing. in my last 2 relationships, there would be ""cycles"" when things would start to go good and then suddenly i would lose it and we would start fighting and arguing and it got really messy. i felt like i couldnt control my emotions or my behavior and would just act without being in control. afterwards, i felt guilty and hurt. then again, we would make up and the cycle would start all over again. are these ""cycles"" part of BPD also?",4.0446280193236746,5.70984857391305,4.579420289855072,84.98903381642515,71.95652173913044,8.241545893719808,24.082125603864736,8.841846274778883,1.5975314009661838,466,13,93,9,9,148,77,115,0.198,0.746,0.055999999999999994,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,2,0,0,3,10,7,2,1,1,0,14,0,0,3,1,32,24,14,0,9,4,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,4,2,15,2,10,10,2,20,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,15,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253133878974974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229578348549359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28760201781487005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442215929765916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462078498823203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286601099863585,0.10753840348002636,0.10254309752909208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725393068212413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046213308735037,0.10451014573917128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263805890360191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434367805767931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085582713181486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868799800984257,0.09751123998814697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388414386211128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213608949436517,0.0,0.0,0.1376520399026264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836289013560678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27224800090579204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035712475904516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578858405948548,0.07562294289783436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359209254289708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.637548430034771,0.0,0.0,0.08256452468219443
bpd,micoene,2019/09/04,"Is DBT actually worth it? I have an appointment tomorrow with a psych that specializes in DBT and I don't know what to expect. 

My current psychiatrist (who diagnosed me with bpd in june and gave me meds for that) cancelled our appointment at last minute (second time that happens) and I can't trust her anymore. Also I reacted pretty badly to that which made me realize that the meds haven't really helped me that much.

From what I've researched, this would cost a lot more than I'm comfortable expending on therapy (a little more than half my salary) so I'm wondering if I'm actually gonna get something out of it. I'm not actively suicidal and I've managed to stop self-harming (although the urges are always there, I give in once every 20-30 days). 

Since I'm not ""at my worst"" I feel like it could be a waste of money but then again I can't trust myself since I don't have my best interest in mind. I don't know if I have the motivation to get better personally, I'm doing this mostly because I don't want my mental health to affect my relationship with my boyfriend, my workplace and my family. But if you asked me, I would probably say I can handle everything just fine, having a meltdown now and then once a month alone in my room when no one is watching.

So would it be worth it?",5.23517441860465,5.587458360465118,6.340610465116281,78.32393895348841,68.10852713178295,10.170930232558144,30.078488372093023,10.125756701596842,2.8452860465116285,1019,36,204,24,16,342,149,258,0.099,0.7909999999999999,0.11,0.5809,2,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,3,8,11,0,0,10,0,22,2,0,4,0,37,41,18,1,9,8,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,1,1,17,10,0,1,6,0,4,0,10,2,0,3,2,3,32,9,23,32,7,24,0,0,1,0,11,11,0,6,14,139,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.2534502976932705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449634962249904,0.0,0.10384942234363713,0.10805436742859208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878675543584572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214020696650207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084281218427776,0.07916177637308229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362806189649533,0.11485108956322525,0.0,0.0,0.16355479693780128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368306977197793,0.0,0.0,0.0837493015144167,0.0,0.0,0.13180570874792502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941310096690958,0.0,0.11671027475217385,0.0,0.12242095442434735,0.0,0.06566138800269779,0.09277239163452797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569353872720435,0.12457405749816318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483524158975145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380356753836206,0.0,0.0,0.08704277878299023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273590698404806,0.1058536676900126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344329753856766,0.13015437093154647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040278238526996,0.0,0.12287717742883066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28849155723876224,0.0,0.1308688750271312,0.0,0.13112212054227787,0.0,0.1036534395177765,0.0,0.0954624346378428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765944616303418,0.08799685884283205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133892095759728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211484906404686,0.14001161983059612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319198352658053,0.0,0.0,0.13942161486474364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327030907690232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547285878060594,0.0,0.0,0.21484395179058924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999729836977688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856922142500124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204634728094198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850683840301696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572272184740872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659510768673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082820994339992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767475930079359,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,zenbassist46,2019/09/04,"Doing better, Meds, and Coffee I'm going to flair this as Medicine, but I'm also kind of venting/asking a question as well. You'll see what I mean if you keep reading.

So lately been doing much better, and since I'm able to think more clearly at the moment, I thought I'd share some insights I had, in hopes that it will help others, and a concern because maybe you have this concern too and we can commiserate :D

First of all, did some med changes recently, it seems to have helped A LOT! I've really come to realize that the goal of meds is to take the edge off so you can use the skills. Before I never knew if I should be worrying about meds or skills at any particular time. If you are asking yourself this question, here's the answer I came up with, I hope it helps! First of all, with meds, you can not know anything fast. You have to try things for a while and see what happens. Don't just try it for a week and say ""this shit doesn't work!"" Baring that in mind, if you have tried it and you honest to god, feel like you can't for the life of you use the skills, then you may want to talk to your Dr/med proscriber about meds. That's where I was at, I understood the skills, I knew them all very well, but I just couldn't use them because I was so miserable most of the time. It's like, how can I even take a moment and say ""I need to do this to make myself feel better"" when I honestly, in that moment, believe life is futile, and there is no point? The answer is you can't, it's a balance between skills and meds. I do know someone who get's by without meds, and all they do is exercise like crazy as a form of self medication, but I think for most people meds are necessary. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, but that would take another paragraph to talk about lol.

Also I just wanted to end this by asking if anyone else drinks a shit ton of coffee? I ask because I do and I actually feel like it helps, but I'm worried I'm becoming addicted, and I know that when I stop I'll have serious withdrawal for at least a day, which sucks (it's happened before). Has anyone found a way to use coffee to self medicate, but also moderate how much?",5.15589800443459,4.4879485099778265,5.862007982261641,85.16608514412418,68.33481152993348,8.989835920177383,28.01782705099778,8.238735603445708,1.5745474235033252,1682,45,375,20,25,551,204,451,0.084,0.747,0.168,0.9901,0,0,1,0,0,1,58.0,1,14,3,12,26,21,3,1,23,1,40,9,2,7,6,86,86,41,0,13,17,0,3,4,0,5,6,2,0,2,30,18,1,2,21,3,0,3,9,5,2,2,11,7,42,16,51,68,16,34,0,1,2,0,35,11,3,17,23,256,72,3,0.058395959671085663,0.0,0.0569860329205256,0.06366021560886834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009768355326427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971125505912117,0.061233255352653615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166362555142948,0.059833561598270774,0.0480548991510761,0.0,0.21836935766943472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679290501137642,0.06449374951917124,0.09938132122886614,0.06579224937702348,0.0,0.15493944249524466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667894210025597,0.0,0.0,0.061775182304079135,0.0503029485249995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037660563010641065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057205808903629016,0.0,0.0,0.048782331099311134,0.0,0.051721487429464,0.0,0.0,0.03856998061733969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858025543590017,0.08343617051417611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934314692927128,0.0,0.06402815565476283,0.0,0.0,0.030509478723790014,0.0,0.0331877696164967,0.04897976039456583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327870856304523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656632333411408,0.0,0.0,0.1160007284139551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519050120879334,0.0,0.060810405785052826,0.09627867674684536,0.0,0.06587318605795231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824935865787717,0.11411726480573822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496461566530775,0.0,0.0,0.038979756532507966,0.0,0.058666590440060125,0.0636103194440073,0.6486474676781689,0.11765557160414793,0.0,0.0,0.05896327245095021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878324845045327,0.043299864163591766,0.04503856409506255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040484405698898336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520305713141079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083367874963325,0.0,0.058411762447107586,0.0,0.03740994707930395,0.0,0.05765896523413019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928776219452902,0.0,0.0,0.09306803861493904,0.05316148848569436,0.12183944324503836,0.0,0.1198852268597602,0.04830574128711866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947870712725913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882163708301082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317194826174188,0.09387292076796157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638704242649887,0.07483554606345191,0.0,0.0463598690868491,0.06810230738415597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894107021560345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017414391641443,0.0,0.04818278244828481,0.06888690000230144,0.046351994678721836,0.04684171645815725,0.0,0.10500996163425848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629162125824616,0.0,0.042512954133073336,0.11860786330665082,0.0,0.04148281428840527,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OldGold212,2019/09/04,"Is it possible that I (27/F) ""grew out of"" BPD? I've been reading come conflicting information on this and just wanted to see if there was a general consensus. 

From the ages of about 19 - 24, my behavior fit the diagnostics of BPD to a tee. In recent years, I feel like those same criteria don't apply to me anymore. 

I'm wondering if it could just be situational, like maybe my behavior was a response to the unhealthy interpersonal relationships I was involved in rather than causing them as I had assumed. Or maybe it's all related to my progress in dealing with my General Anxiety Disorder, which has gotten much better over the years through a combination of therapy/medication.

But is it possible that I did indeed ""used to"" have BPD, and now I don't?",8.51358641358641,7.380453265734268,9.540779220779221,63.045454545454575,61.7972027972028,14.045554445554444,42.106893106893104,13.023866798666859,5.724293506493506,599,31,108,21,7,208,97,143,0.07400000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.096,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,0,8,0,14,0,0,2,1,25,22,7,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,2,12,3,22,13,3,14,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,5,7,79,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664815965615118,0.0,0.15122097254036956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348577608178327,0.0,0.0,0.5761364677495311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566408116680057,0.0,0.1313495690580726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174430976095138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720204036979818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475735322937835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709937965682165,0.10893302840335843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898981067551464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30637692613897993,0.0,0.1693729052637843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209166779729307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438006374277679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252306376309313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055738198077054,0.1637083885034899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215082527327102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713959319622374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169531743351215,0.0,0.0,0.08993771632046617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653600076862626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638655980456374
bpd,yellowpepper79,2019/09/04,"Help Improving Body Image/Self Esteem I find it hard to find help/info on this because I don’t have an eating disorder. I’ve suffered from terrible self esteem regarding my body /weight since my early teens. I’m now in my early 40’s. I’ve been overweight most of my adult life. Even when I wasn’t overweight I wanted to lose weight and was never happy with my body. 

I’ve been losing weight and am now 13lbs away from my goal which is just to have my weight enter the healthy range for BMI. It finally seems possible as I am eating well now, but mainly because I am on Vyvanse for ADHD and it suppresses appetite. I don’t know if it will last and I am worried the weight loss will stop
And I’ll start gaining again. I’m going back to work after being on maternity leave in a few months and it will be much harder to eat right and exercise. No matter what happens I need to stop being so obsessed with my weight. I need to stop thinking men only like thin women. My husband tells me over and over he loves my body and not all men want stick figure women. I want to get to having a healthy body image before getting to my weight loss goal, but I don’t know how to do it. 

Does anyone have any tips, book recommendations etc? 

Thanks",2.3172626086956534,4.338026927999998,3.564330434782608,88.86799130434784,77.72,5.947826086956522,21.669565217391305,6.895973343053719,0.5403913043478261,972,27,197,10,23,316,141,250,0.162,0.733,0.105,-0.7908,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,8,11,12,0,1,5,0,23,20,5,1,2,37,41,16,0,6,5,1,9,1,0,3,4,1,0,6,9,11,12,4,7,2,0,2,7,7,1,0,4,10,24,5,28,31,6,29,0,5,0,1,11,10,0,3,18,121,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230376791173928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522295150948989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053703308509042987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216010918614288,0.05905771764262077,0.0,0.093638300376317,0.0,0.06535474904465198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265609668332984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802430995518996,0.0,0.06721190563762583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357697268765096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565702687500118,0.05072847437997551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413528780291045,0.14039536293595184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802540880246333,0.0,0.043649618013085326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791773339629388,0.08175953877699756,0.06880151073298356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296052259941972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441920043372772,0.06260570432615156,0.0,0.08132459764643983,0.0,0.0,0.054249104177565836,0.03752267081389358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184859155583446,0.0,0.0,0.06931882280270861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061304409459312675,0.0,0.05645995162579751,0.1138987375529922,0.0592361626383636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058413083399674375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658523750932576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559039900470838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991969307434713,0.1602471397755324,0.0,0.0,0.06353325876932582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436243447161488,0.0,0.0,0.19263534435175972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713028868576362,0.07071102273299355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049213054043960536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590338726972298,0.0,0.0,0.6546880889631004,0.06905623315261487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055914399489927324,0.07799843114660701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Zerobeastly,2019/09/04,"Friends family said I was most likely to be a serial killer and it hurt so much. So I was at my friends house for a cook out and we ended up playing a card game. It was one of those drinking games of like ""who ever is the kindest in the group take a drink."" And the other players decide who that person is and who gets to drink and we all laugh.

So we get the card ""The person most likely to be a serial killer drinks."" And everyone just turns and stares at me in silence with serious faces.

I just said ""Well dang you guys"" and took a drink but after I cried about it. It made me feel like utter shit.

It reminded me when I told a friend about my BPD, no one really knows but my mom, and they immediatly said ""Like Jeffery Dahmer had?!""

Now I just feel like everyone thinks I'm a creepy girl who's ready to murder at any moment when that's not true at all. It makes me hate myself.",2.54795031055901,3.677874043478262,3.9009316770186366,90.50369565217392,74.8695652173913,7.2136645962732935,20.20807453416149,7.7094869923839395,0.4306922360248442,680,13,155,9,14,224,105,184,0.166,0.698,0.136,-0.8818,0,0,5,0,0,0,22.0,3,1,1,0,13,18,3,0,13,0,8,8,2,2,4,33,25,16,1,0,6,1,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,4,14,14,6,0,5,9,0,1,2,5,1,2,10,6,19,13,19,13,5,16,0,1,1,0,24,8,2,2,13,104,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645789767293114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416046908113361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350172845985685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5507048161710401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958174798269064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170155624625167,0.0,0.21486798143878888,0.0,0.0,0.10599127463489127,0.0,0.11369841448185886,0.1606434794845109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26059501478889,0.0,0.1174825927231538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132576745076413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100373285938052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973191144693744,0.1203612256418104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178991492324819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295727927350357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638626957665044,0.0750495100656287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316794855873012,0.0,0.0,0.08265076166570573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523742283578116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634329611810244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720270840465975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32084692029168604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541025830200155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453518369456872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072042151711132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743399071939444,0.12491654999191315,0.0,0.12229418174111115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010902436767286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shortbuspileup1,2019/09/04,"My GP thinks I might have BPD...I feel like my world has fallen apart I  thought that having some kind of diagnosis, although i'm still waiting for a psychiatrist appointment, would give me a bit of peace, but it's made things worse.

  
Genuinely have no idea who I am now. I'm questioning every thought, every word that comes out of my mouth. Everything just feels wrong

​

I guess this is more of a venting post, i dunno...argh.",4.89413654618474,6.288176265060244,4.874879518072291,84.7507931726908,69.48192771084337,8.424899598393575,28.29116465863454,8.841846274778883,2.032873092369478,342,12,68,6,6,106,64,83,0.177,0.773,0.049,-0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,1,0,18,20,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,9,2,6,15,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,3,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029552107806565,0.22760765181983855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204498948474848,0.0,0.23591608837929945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613548782818515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31564113411334416,0.0,0.1683462179570134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894237051456568,0.13381753487996784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968916172896496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063480685362154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145529997534915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505925420735154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151241583501138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724153368074594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871111113326426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939553749562545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983513818600896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958962251522834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444344791557856,0.12002358490201738,0.0,0.2974136209909648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088950483342768,0.1330628650320125,0.20479902917400053,0.22760765181983855,0.0
bpd,banhmislut,2019/09/04,"DAE get excluded from everything by default? This is the worst at work, but it's happened in plenty of my friend groups too.

I never get invited to things. I don't even get the chance to say no, so people aren't assuming that since I said no once it's not worth asking again. I just never get invited in the first place.

I find out about everything by hearing people talk about the stuff I'm not included in in front of me. When I was working for my college paper, they would talk about the group snapchat, and one girl even took a video of me standing on my chair ""Simba"" style, holding up my phone to try and get reception in our basement office, sent it to the group chat, but didn't invite me to it.

Now at my first job, everyone hangs out after work, talks about it the day after at work right in front of me, but I never get invited.

Some people have told me they think they might just be trying to get me to ask to hang out with them. But I've never seen anyone ask to go to something in my life. That would just be putting everyone in an awkward position anyway, because saying no would just seem rude, and I honestly feel like no one wants me there or anywhere else in general.

Does this happen to anyone else? Is this a common BPD thing, or am I just such an awful person that no one wants to spend time with me?",7.003254217901058,5.3488296171003755,7.08743494423792,81.10442665141552,65.09665427509293,10.358707463540178,31.101229625393195,9.057496981413335,2.2796609093508726,1033,28,219,14,13,333,147,269,0.115,0.835,0.05,-0.9361,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,4,6,19,6,1,1,11,1,14,1,0,0,4,39,39,11,0,5,13,0,1,1,1,4,1,4,0,2,14,8,0,1,5,2,2,8,14,3,0,5,7,6,28,3,45,26,2,42,0,0,1,0,25,19,0,6,15,154,42,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347177346293972,0.09870541283096923,0.0,0.0,0.27017743498764984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872422040403845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132911088613592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212736330774411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843024007180216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094913962646984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272551978529395,0.0,0.0,0.18410224263404146,0.1731573042439467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048709288722033436,0.06882092119913942,0.0,0.0,0.08804739303919525,0.1638830460305533,0.0,0.0,0.07442729301442115,0.0,0.352313221639054,0.0,0.05474874658021489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703754096038862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857524950905688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559648088846284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680434467016609,0.04706385276468718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219499061137616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971944135410248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259240552388396,0.19583492830663685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035728465686176,0.08411500145218212,0.10064836891965816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684212614942096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822685809559077,0.09163555092820608,0.15321708706595705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769871837014177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968835564000322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741625036488368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027920979430067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322884970544265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279998578725769,0.061726840850783615,0.0,0.0,0.056173042231944866,0.0,0.0,0.09205112131702073,0.10703045117110674,0.13080872033004895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364040050006598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28052875852807924,0.0,0.0,0.2052984078009058,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,A_Nerds_Life,2019/09/04,"Deficient I've succesfully isolated myself to be deficient on vitamins (lack of sun). 

I wish days weren't so hard and I could be comfortable in my own skin. 

I wish suicide wouldn't come as an option to ease my existence. 

I wish.... Oh how I wish, I wish I was ""normal"".",1.0377777777777766,3.3422631481481524,3.8718518518518543,83.33333333333336,84.18518518518519,8.785185185185185,23.814814814814817,9.2995712137729,2.4557259259259263,206,8,43,7,6,73,38,54,0.113,0.583,0.304,0.857,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,1,0,13,12,4,1,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,10,1,6,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008262334855445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298387380436172,0.0,0.0,0.10487636645578094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567546660048492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933295046785806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787974946366278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9350241561343448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Wildernessinabox,2019/09/04,"Long distance partner with bpd split then blocked/unfriended me, looking for some advice We had our first large argument via text, which I dislike(since text messages are a poor form of communication for complex things like disagreements/arguments) she got really angry, and I, being the tone deft idiot I am replied badly, creating more issues via miscommunication, all of which resulted in her blocking/unfriending me. It feels pretty awful because i'm not sure if this is it for us, even though we were making lots of positive progress. I know there was potential for this to happen, and I thought i'd be able to deal with it, but it feels pretty awful, like being stuck in limbo waiting to see if things will crash and burn or if we can resolve our issues.

Does anyone have experiences that might help? If you've split and broke up with someone has it been temporary? Or is it usually a sign that things are over?",7.604285714285716,8.197395619047622,7.2572380952380975,72.95442857142861,63.04761904761904,10.529523809523807,34.061904761904756,10.355215969177356,3.563186190476189,736,29,126,16,10,232,119,168,0.149,0.723,0.128,-0.4437,0,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,6,0,0,3,3,7,1,0,3,2,17,0,0,2,2,33,29,13,0,4,8,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,15,10,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,7,4,15,4,17,17,5,8,0,1,2,0,12,4,0,9,6,89,30,0,0.16431500255680112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056671878813172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148928703018206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719616369268695,0.10016490044191156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694899360093846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940155258851158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379316603671874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852850949707003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073160207753198,0.0,0.0,0.16616520481226452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976625723445707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141771800582253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530321410234984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101368826022224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34300434458280626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903032281966618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055202075576588,0.0,0.0,0.14541360657118338,0.13798321835683733,0.0,0.0,0.13969473921369527,0.0,0.0,0.10968154013357022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431225122822794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343348598200025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526439816399273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093778310267354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359230680993706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922356844404005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486494532160575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274907593197387,0.0,0.16143865573922112,0.13044775786620705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976507165031859,0.0,0.18096976106761084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lon12apt,2019/09/04,"I seem to have some BPD traits. Any medication recommendations? 25 y old female here. I have struggled with social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder all my life, as far back as I can remember. This is accompanied with feelings of sadness/depression and emptiness. In university, I just barely got my assignments in on time. I went to an excellent university and did well in a challenging degree though. Sleep schedule was completely a mess and I felt pretty friendless. (Insomnia on stressful days leading to late mornings). Yes, there were people I tagged along with but I just felt like I didn't connect with them as was a burden. I was called ""needy"" by some but others were nice enough. However, since leaving university I haven't been able to really stay in contact with any of them as I guess I was not that close to them. It was so bad that in university, I pretty much had every meal alone in the dining hall (where everyone goes in groups). Since graduating, I have attempted to work and get jobs but I had such bad social/general anxiety that I cannot talk to those I work with or just freak out and have insomnia all the time. Getting any meaningful work in these circumstances is not possible.

I have been mainly unemployed since graduating trying various medicines and supplements to get better. What has worked for me so far is Omega 3 fish oil and thyroxine 50mcg. These allowed me to really understand how others think (which I was so disconnected from my whole life). They also removed a significant amount of fog in my mind. I am not diagnosed as hypothyroid - my levels are normal except for TSH which is a 5.6 on a scale ending at 4.2. Increasing the thyroxine any more gives me anxiety so I think I have reached an appropriate amount with that.

The next phase since the increased clarity has been intense meditation and exercising. These are providing some more headspace to figure out what's going on with my mind. It boils down to this - I have these intense emotions during social situations (usually intense sadness when I think someone doesn't like me or I have said something wrong or I am acting awkward) which just don't ever go away. The day after the stressful situation (say a group meeting for charity volunteers), part of the emotion is still there - either pain or sadness. And while I can get out of bed and eat food and pretend to be normal at home, I can't concentrate on anything - like reading, talking to people. And these leads to more sadness and the cycle continues. I have tried antidepressants such as sertraline, fluoxetine, agolmelatine, bupropion, venlafaxine but they don't help, I am guessing because I don't have major depression. Vortioxetine did help but it numbed my out completely and I was very confused about who I was or how I should act (something I struggled with before I was taking it already ; i have identity issues). I have also done a lot of CBT over the past few years and I am kind/generous towards myself but I have this sneaking suspicion that I really need medication for these mood issues. I would love you guys' advice on this.

Ps. My psychiatrist is starting me on psychodynamic therapy in a few weeks time.

Edit: As for my other habits, I usually just stay at home and read books. I get irritable and angry at my mother for little things sometimes and I have these moments of anger/hatred. I also spent a lot of time doing nothing because my processing speed is quite slow.",5.722850653775022,7.7787360620031825,6.337789169721942,72.48743129684306,68.34817170111288,9.967762240031151,32.23260114856753,10.243752486242741,3.7439252522630686,2769,122,458,76,49,902,311,629,0.14400000000000002,0.762,0.094,-0.9877,5,1,2,0,0,0,77.0,0,1,5,11,27,28,0,6,22,1,62,17,1,5,3,90,88,49,0,5,21,1,3,3,0,2,10,2,3,1,31,34,5,0,11,5,1,10,11,18,1,0,26,6,70,9,79,59,24,75,0,4,0,1,24,36,0,14,30,343,101,17,0.06578335063471594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428272889235521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813171203704176,0.07259356323204824,0.1578207652071371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789397369552802,0.0,0.20129633271443606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413409246764042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061805623376799325,0.05058333607419368,0.10985270001519223,0.08020183993587444,0.0,0.055976786217428166,0.0,0.0,0.05818002780912024,0.0,0.0,0.08285182726906536,0.0,0.06717215601757108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794518311975726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484963807715276,0.0,0.11331820701678574,0.06676871616558425,0.0,0.0,0.1507868380592155,0.0,0.0,0.06731920719082285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731279053080423,0.0,0.14799483053424856,0.05826452312943429,0.06797178620372261,0.0,0.0,0.05950480681700007,0.05542531012239637,0.06285881061502989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033262038649440856,0.0,0.12632466563259293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954548870719849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184542799484495,0.06310538417267887,0.07477238828723869,0.0,0.05261295492602856,0.0,0.1449355544093355,0.06513585957202248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881863865538632,0.0,0.13197212866636365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732145402317514,0.06527982496743473,0.0,0.0,0.06850323667132427,0.0,0.0,0.07420648483702869,0.06965506995616935,0.0,0.0,0.09292945199620767,0.09641526682420012,0.06593219924228359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185330454951026,0.059372042301316576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325396100099693,0.0,0.0,0.1328448628315532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835833184585115,0.0487775209578326,0.0,0.0,0.06996133969586205,0.0,0.1289074329883733,0.06312089912078771,0.0,0.06902856054046957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999812314641392,0.0,0.0,0.07123695819667568,0.062797651722114,0.0912117848676228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416084371058243,0.0,0.1338506342739152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996869083270475,0.13160230508729556,0.0,0.12642749668668646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745197125713255,0.0,0.06257503068933243,0.05231356077508592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059886691767982524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766666972570176,0.14788648465553408,0.0658308585838135,0.2011735250382116,0.05573801951775327,0.10128647440466784,0.0650614158536543,0.0,0.04656179416429949,0.1402325980465889,0.05253466879270234,0.0,0.15070921178665142,0.13754208236024934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494608928383072,0.10574833082230116,0.0,0.0,0.07522899452665342,0.0,0.04370353510987229,0.12645394461434067,0.06463180799829413,0.0,0.15343520308318093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932515389685514,0.0,0.0,0.06848278798520332,0.0,0.0,0.1449021338447304,0.05427815366344897,0.0,0.0,0.05276743588862772,0.0,0.059147132483421565,0.0609818250935696,0.0,0.07344476172477347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156425095199167,0.0,0.0,0.04673060487436688,0.07192376707567279,0.0,0.0423623210168862
bpd,gray_3,2019/09/04,"I think the reason why we feel the urge to impulsively do drastic things is because we want things to change right at that moment And the hardest part is trying to fight that urge and remember that the last time you did it, you regretted it. 

It’s so hard to fight the urge to impulsively block someone close to you off of everything, or get really plastered, or scream at your FP. You know you’ll regret it tomorrow, but don’t care at that moment. It’s what I’m feeling right now.",6.911875000000002,6.055098937500002,7.016749999999997,78.95325000000003,64.83333333333334,10.596666666666668,31.7,9.888512548439397,2.7105525000000004,382,12,78,7,5,123,60,96,0.127,0.8009999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.3538,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,2,6,0,0,2,6,2,0,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,18,14,6,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,9,1,11,12,1,13,0,2,0,0,10,7,0,2,6,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432836631602087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396480778878569,0.0,0.24865063119994474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112468474193079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23769563120641216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228033792747017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105576980607312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917676026357786,0.19159627234850388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545351161761738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505783812767676,0.24166947618778856,0.0,0.0,0.26626464937469163,0.4014610517177338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991562193631568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123121668330848,0.15060988143487145,0.0,0.0,0.13705893763202112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595828134731589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863796534558084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120951250815648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,librokubic,2019/09/04,"Building Relationships? Disclaimer: Been doing some research on BPD lately, am almost completely sure I have it or at least tend towards it. For context, my family likely has some history of mental illness, and I've personally dealt with anxiety and depression. After my research, a lot of weird shit from my life suddenly made sense. Still need to consult a therapist about it though, of course. 

Anyway, has anyone any experiences to share or advice to give on building relationships with bpd? I find that I might get into a relationship for a bit and then forget it entirely, no emotions, no connection, I suddenly feel like we are strangers and aren't comfortable around them. It's been difficult to ""build"" a relationship when I get sent back to the first tile really often. I feel bad for the other party, as they still see me the same way; it is my perception that is broken. On top of that I've always been socially awkward, introverted, etcetc. From what I've read this is a common thing for BPD? Or just generally having bad social skills.

Anyway I realize there are probably many duplicates of this post out there. If I'm asked to (or y'all'd rather I do) I can take it down.",4.977940876656469,7.163639128440372,5.913149847094799,74.23946992864424,70.55963302752293,9.615086646279307,29.083588175331286,9.994966539143718,3.259106218144749,942,37,160,26,18,310,141,218,0.168,0.7809999999999999,0.051,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,2,3,14,12,1,1,9,0,18,3,1,1,1,34,31,13,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,15,10,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,5,3,17,5,31,25,6,24,0,1,1,0,15,10,1,11,13,120,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011639186612143,0.0,0.0,0.11283971155527572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376457681465072,0.0,0.0,0.07663099612644028,0.0,0.08620521497894937,0.0,0.0,0.0787933416355886,0.0,0.0,0.10031528427867027,0.10534709477695132,0.0,0.0,0.08664931550073078,0.1881778071786709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302497324998808,0.0,0.4257758391213661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815013225321815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705711241912304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675766130401178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022946855501944,0.10623123579368804,0.0,0.11395582438080007,0.08050358582167583,0.0,0.0,0.10299383876881776,0.0958514695165347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774856989141985,0.10809959894604357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711579772857814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959413148945586,0.11010631197968003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958024225754305,0.0,0.10662712499249118,0.0,0.1142468892191251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356195012883298,0.11954305542383747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355595203565501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839390581102547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792295689618683,0.0,0.1214956007328936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271745340606495,0.0,0.07219015126710325,0.0,0.0,0.4839344869700743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979691646586074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567154376549448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297403268125329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799839015864207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620612499319436,0.0,0.08472656888838134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083824441431047,0.07486420817871993,0.0,0.11071436479421873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894456626815189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tj4prez,2019/09/04,"I'm sorry T I've been so awful to the person who has helped me the most. It's been almost 8years since the first time you helped me decide not to take my life. Here I am making your life a mess. Not paying rent on time. 3am suicidal rants once a week. Getting insecure when you dont instantly respond to my messages despite knowing u work 80+hrs a week and are also depressed and anxious. Saying i think you hate me when you literally have shown me more love than everyone else i know combined and always been there for me. Overdosing on drugs multiple times in our apt over the last year. I can't imagine what its like to live with the anxiety that your close friend and roomate who you have treated like a son could potentially die any given day. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I now see how hurting myself is hurting you. I love you so much, Im sorry.",2.067474645030426,4.2534205344827605,3.3891210277214334,88.99445233265725,79.28735632183907,6.163083164300202,23.453684922244765,7.285733465282438,0.958180256930358,679,23,138,9,17,221,119,174,0.20800000000000002,0.688,0.10400000000000001,-0.9416,1,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,1,10,0,2,9,13,1,1,9,1,13,5,0,2,0,19,26,10,2,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,2,0,5,7,0,1,4,2,26,6,12,21,3,17,0,4,1,2,23,5,0,2,14,85,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322284979879764,0.0,0.0,0.10639404237602423,0.11070202113470401,0.0,0.0,0.0904734649368898,0.0,0.10177715140106353,0.15030016046857048,0.1319424143734929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622361367108736,0.0,0.0,0.08580140874354343,0.0,0.11458931373981615,0.0,0.13807711444191914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592482383057016,0.0,0.15428706643199916,0.0,0.11113994044465607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271278139762726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316588593139044,0.0,0.0,0.1027883085585546,0.0,0.06950921720933108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135192881810812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835117202135845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42727425652408535,0.0,0.14370873452041755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623336166464027,0.1084473977005114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794371020863812,0.1299956944287549,0.0,0.11747896847721412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401521083591241,0.0,0.08880690450709734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780154850133736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168592471460795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616758279781712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580073911009352,0.0,0.0,0.10601765061111793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005413412605748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978603817391777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552690569582133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003140565859213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852482645376577,0.0,0.0,0.2327344619328464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847191586730952,0.0,0.21343734340561596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685652743525594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567501060145999
bpd,fatandfakingit,2019/09/04,"Today i got diagnosed with BPD And even tho ive had a feeling ive had it for years it was annoying to hear it out loud said to me by a professional. 

Im upset about everything. I want attention from my partners but the timing is never right and they’re busy/probably exhausted that i might need attention at all or they’re just sleeping because they work. 

I’d take being high right now over attention but we’re fucking dry because my asswipe roommate wasn’t mindful enough to save some drugs for the person who fucking spent their money on them. Literally just openly confessed they wasted my drugs because they didnt know how to properly take them, and ive been pissed about that since this morning when i found my fucking drugs all gone. Ill probably have a very blunt unamused talk with them tomorrow if they keep pressing me about my damn feelings after literally burning through my drugs. But fuck me the situation is my fault to begin with for having the audacity to share things and trust people.

I’ve been in pain all fucking day but whatever right who fucking cares.

Maybe ill post some pictures of my pussy on some other subreddit and get the sexual attention im not getting from my partners 

I just want my meds shut me up already instead of having to wait a week or more to chill the fuck out

Just fuck. Okay? Fuck fuck fuck all of it and everything.",4.80880228136882,6.497031733840308,5.331655893536127,80.25885266159699,70.06463878326997,8.75809885931559,30.64049429657795,9.255337874911486,2.7728434980988586,1098,46,202,23,20,352,149,263,0.213,0.7140000000000001,0.073,-0.9938,0,0,4,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,8,1,13,23,14,1,10,1,17,22,2,1,5,50,48,16,0,4,12,0,3,0,2,1,9,3,0,3,11,12,0,2,9,0,2,1,4,18,0,0,12,6,30,5,33,34,9,27,1,0,0,11,18,14,13,7,11,132,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246819271061033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666709203476438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412184983688804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619385954241309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481957076690444,0.0,0.0,0.07585101359720214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466597791230612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721773272948129,0.0,0.049359525244186464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432790918169846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557309742522364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193935580976576,0.0,0.7599698869958108,0.07808836619310454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976969737723061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422795861320242,0.0,0.0,0.07895805165418744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144593101347066,0.0,0.0,0.06642489089824341,0.0,0.0,0.041070539828292715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507794936548835,0.0,0.08300997444900073,0.0,0.0,0.07927843112139094,0.07545762503479478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055412543746309696,0.0576376266160925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951970466812723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180949051844476,0.06525276150042714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157222704720234,0.0,0.08057331795732277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914611662396338,0.07108687685249224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181876211337155,0.08400146357937077,0.0747855827746188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237774426886404,0.06006643934257835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964836267996732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043576604223186766,0.0,0.0708368305098408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166140683830339,0.08815728256105802,0.0,0.059945191804374576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440550394762191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812470827643568
bpd,dammit765,2019/09/04,"Life is impossible Currently in the midst of one of my heightened emotion episodes so who knows I’m going to write. Life is hard. I don’t know how to live. There are people that want to love me but I don’t want them to love me. I want the people that are inaccessible to love me and life doesn’t work like that. I don’t know how to receive love and I don’t see the point in a life without connection. I feel alone and it feels like it’s my fault. I’m too low to bring myself out of this pit. Every night I cry in my bed wishing I knew how to be loved instead of driving every person in my life away from me. I isolate myself and then hate myself for it. I try. I really try very hard. I go to individual therapy, I go to group therapy, I go to a psychiatrist. I put in the effort and yet I keep hating myself. I keep telling myself that I truly am unlovable and even if someone decided to love me they either don’t rly know me or I am unable to let them in. I’m set up for failure and it’s too hard for me. I’m a sack of self pity and I’m just feeling too much for this life to be lived.",-0.4613055555555548,1.4991042583333396,2.331666666666667,94.1777777777778,87.66666666666666,5.222222222222221,18.47222222222221,6.605766666666668,-0.09181944444444444,842,23,202,10,27,294,114,240,0.14400000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.193,0.9326,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,2,12,14,2,0,7,0,15,12,0,3,0,34,48,16,0,5,6,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,1,2,11,9,0,2,9,0,0,8,7,6,0,1,1,7,38,8,34,44,2,24,0,2,1,6,16,11,0,2,6,132,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832453524297127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891950167144189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428217650466544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678964681476764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270399492532618,0.0,0.15997448751968266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440067067298382,0.06782193209292832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581610405893306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25513065192191525,0.18745828106334944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876604874919715,0.0,0.0,0.2086962472376688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707796926708984,0.402334459448637,0.09276136879952444,0.0,0.16765955163345858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140979104587128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978850760837484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909052503416151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433074408969257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163262873704082,0.08289400689623146,0.0,0.0,0.08974472267881636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543638749669857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608181050203284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565129315099603,0.0,0.09903841936994467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804385314942206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297780157073661,0.0,0.2171340100659063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289099301899256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833172062230953,0.16798623277855146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917112679035916,0.09151442332145272,0.0,0.06911416644639011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,cluelessx19,2019/09/04,Anyone else really affected when losing a pet? I had to put my dog down yesterday and had no idea that it was going to happen as I had only just found out she was sick that same day. I also put my other dog down a month prior. I know they're not humans but the loss really pains me and leaves me feeling so empty and alone.,2.671739130434787,3.5294286376811637,4.841275362318843,84.93234782608697,74.21739130434783,7.838840579710146,18.14782608695652,8.238735603445708,0.558881739130435,252,3,54,4,5,88,52,69,0.26899999999999996,0.7070000000000001,0.023,-0.9470000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,13,10,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,6,1,9,0,6,4,1,11,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381802649793357,0.0,0.18390746664265373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080084385878932,0.2356321344077376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831206112675915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211099074282484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628008371446046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521509764105141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069763494061146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336230944246814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596089012628387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638586936726515,0.0,0.0,0.24350574091393304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257278362407313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356039966629412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490306209867554,0.24470501357730065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623680957446306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946502077734132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,avacadomonster101,2019/09/04,I have basically no friends atm... Long story short all my old friends just were friends with me because I was fun to be high with than when I quit my job they all dissapeared with no interest to stay in contact. After that mess I went to the psych ward and my 'best friend' visited me got me drunk than we haven't spoken since and it has been like 3 weeks... so yeah I'm a friendless loser and I needed to vent to a bunch of strangers and trolls,1.4971980676328478,3.5459636956521763,2.5053623188405787,95.30727053140095,80.52173913043478,5.828019323671497,22.17874396135266,6.937597516519254,0.3827425120772947,348,11,80,4,9,110,67,92,0.14,0.607,0.253,0.9264,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,3,3,10,0,0,3,1,7,1,0,0,2,12,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,0,0,5,0,13,8,13,5,4,11,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,6,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333691361240819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296010682750587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6761301354086353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498212891450127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115807139177866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711007800317786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688716414983103,0.0,0.0,0.19361759462170874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222609949152922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22957776266809385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327044830779931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098098327627965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331954039067304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754959074648672,0.0,0.0,0.20281562962899785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,r3cklessrelentless,2019/09/04,I feel horrible and I don’t know what to do I just told my closest friend that I hate them and I hope they die.. I meant it so badly as I was saying it but I immediately realised what I’d done as if a switch flipped back to normal after my “episode” and I didn’t mean it at all and now I’m so scared that they won’t forgive me and I’ve ruined my friendship with them.. I wish I wasn’t like this I wish my brain wasn’t so stupid.,-0.02922902494331225,1.4014920408163292,2.2627891156462603,98.23379818594108,82.6734693877551,5.171882086167801,19.05215419501134,5.82211442006289,-0.5036634920634917,332,8,87,2,9,113,59,98,0.209,0.596,0.195,-0.5434,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,4,0,6,9,2,1,1,0,8,1,1,0,1,19,18,12,1,5,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,2,21,4,7,10,1,5,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,2,4,59,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125355323375933,0.19681572782062925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631406401304303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446393663172705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412226328117048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918673541355372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821161078881491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327239583510415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341224021744616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954513525530695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151605189518983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25676736680774565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309548171468427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745340874486174,0.2359960908899102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252398449819669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5421310089941537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ralex002,2019/09/04,"Just got a performance warning from work, and I’m freaking out I work online from home doing transcription, and I just got a performance warning. My assignment I just turned in got a not great rating, so I was put on a 120-day performance warning in which I cannot fall below their performance standards in that timeframe. If I do, my account will be deactivated, which I would basically be fired. These kinds of things in any job always have me terrified. What if I fuck up again during the 120-day timeframe? The. I get fired and I have no income. I’ll feel like a failure. Does anybody else get freaked out by similar situations in their work? How do you deal with the panic and desperate feeling?",3.6709042865531374,6.308525908396947,4.553740458015267,80.36264826776281,76.17557251908397,7.694891368173812,29.92425132119789,8.617729084823388,2.710319553728714,558,26,98,12,13,180,82,131,0.293,0.679,0.027999999999999997,-0.9889,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,7,6,7,1,1,8,0,11,1,0,1,0,18,21,8,0,3,6,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,4,4,16,3,15,13,0,13,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,2,2,70,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278245293007062,0.0,0.0,0.12486454860043618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368330687791688,0.18929908158972894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606827909998521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338683562944794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568259961310465,0.13117464749843874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974917969583864,0.1918625983091736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4405612512339036,0.2024362703045009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418089301072849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220963137575893,0.0,0.0,0.19120684695700504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970505173074406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543273045525915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184583866930402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639103940600376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198569812587375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997204770772785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40102188809653255,0.0,0.0,0.13043488232960615,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,D2T,2019/09/04,So I’ve been reading about BPD and people from this subreddit and It fits. Everything fits. All my emotions and turmoil and pain and damage and... it fits. All of it. I’m going to bring it up to my therapist next time. And I’ve just been operating under it being regular depression. I’m crying. Maybe I’ll finally have relief. Besides alcohol. Please let this be it.,1.2253521126760558,3.882636676056343,3.6325211267605617,81.66511971830988,90.69014084507042,7.347042253521128,24.001408450704226,8.238735603445708,2.289584788732394,288,12,52,8,10,99,47,71,0.19699999999999998,0.736,0.067,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,10,10,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,7,5,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594616356707384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30577721237654765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26668618133882604,0.0,0.0,0.20910899973619967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730986643175613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181980787943036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659573641646264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797940978994772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24826249109606804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24390857285222325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25820291635640025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583386712497089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831545079950594,0.0,0.0,0.26650328337088763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428491158151324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818902575482586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415689618010455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,YourKarmax,2019/09/04,"A late-night vent I often feel like a mistake in evolution, that people naturally don't like to be around in the long run. It makes much more sense in my head that most people would rather spend time with a healthy human being than something ""broken"" like me.  


 I don't only feel like a burden, I am aware that I am one. I feel really sorry towards all the people that had to live with the burden that is myself.",7.2175301204819275,5.58429120481928,7.430210843373496,78.74965361445784,64.66265060240964,9.74578313253012,27.978915662650603,8.07648339933343,1.6705445783132524,322,6,65,3,4,105,55,83,0.11599999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.15,0.4417,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,7,0,9,1,1,1,1,13,13,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,3,8,4,10,9,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,6,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492735372083624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315109744173329,0.29681050496123024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213195074696386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343330655850745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059534705758188,0.0,0.18343297900196875,0.18383810424385025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866409673864147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527084347534549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494434106078615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076597384184691,0.1579911118983587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320499188000387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307975683393275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992382674961625,0.0,0.23254127039631906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113139972238962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756831456044064,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,urbanhippy123,2019/03/04,"How donuts made me feel stupid I have never posted here yet, but feeling embarrassed and having negative self talk, and like I can’t share this with anyone in my real life, so, thanks for reading

So, there is a local vegan donut shop running a special for Mardis gras and they were doing pre-orders. I was excited as I love this donut Shop.  

A few other classmates also mentioned it and we said we should do an order together/ pick up together.  I thought that was a good idea and a good opportunity to improve my interpersonal relationships. However, time went by and it never got organized. 

So this weekend I was working on my to do list and I just made a pre-order for myself and paid upfront etc.

Then when I got to school on Monday, a classmate texted me in a group message to say “ok, what’s our order for tomorrow”

And I was embarrassed to say “I already made an order for myself” because I thought that would make me sound super selfish and that I only cared about myself and didn’t order for them too like we had mentioned.

In the end I bumped into one of the classmates and she said she is going at 7am and picking up donuts for everyone as it’s on her way to school, and should she buy some for me too. I had to tell her that I already made a pre-order for myself with a specified pick up time of 1pm (after school) and that I would just ride my bike there myself (35min away).

So now I feel stupid and selfish. I should have been more proactive in setting up the group order or waited till I knew for sure what the plan was, rather than being selfish and doing my own thing. 

Now, I’ll have to watch them all eating heir donuts all day at school, and not participate with them, and I now have to do a >1hour round trip by bike to get my own donuts, and then just eat them at home alone.

I know it’s a silly topic and hopefully it makes sense. I guess one of my biggest struggles is just feeling like I’m not good at friendships and will always be alone, and this was another piece of evidence toward that... like that I had an opportunity to be social and messed it up by being selfish and thinking of myself first. Sigh. 

Thanks again for reading and any support is welcome.

Trying to have a positive attitude like, this is a good lesson, and today I learned how being selfish makes me feel. ",6.333471615720522,5.8082974388646305,6.6783807860262,79.81181572052404,65.87772925764193,9.249397379912663,30.98375545851529,8.488131031819089,2.196903126637554,1809,58,359,22,25,587,213,458,0.102,0.6920000000000001,0.20600000000000002,0.995,1,2,0,0,0,0,47.0,4,0,5,7,24,37,2,3,21,1,40,4,0,12,5,83,74,42,0,7,9,0,6,5,0,6,1,5,1,1,22,34,2,1,13,7,4,5,7,11,1,3,25,12,56,25,59,38,9,55,0,0,2,1,31,21,0,4,26,269,78,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178196858075174,0.19368661723102626,0.0701801665345804,0.07302181687476628,0.0,0.0,0.05967855619011881,0.09202207950433144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613625439299785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245167742656168,0.0,0.0,0.0534965580323858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947528994804332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659675128464176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959700714258858,0.0,0.0,0.07772767919826358,0.0,0.0978735429986318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385667991164228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186580536157266,0.06269444497416987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464704360634418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585001500552503,0.0,0.04987498307303935,0.2944295141046435,0.14037643020190133,0.0,0.09667550399859152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802858694392161,0.08716365144391054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906827741739893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048229588073479664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198618168370992,0.21437101364061728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920516309883126,0.3321555606431501,0.17573775397220412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536900176375044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893439691315336,0.06674403301603755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840480559159873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755638114269526,0.09988799549664527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421941816248673,0.0,0.0,0.16695620765442462,0.13957761777648736,0.0,0.3552637607181911,0.0,0.0,0.09155089720844407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945838952814683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174388014992416,0.0,0.0,0.09958691670701998,0.08271102450088381,0.0,0.0,0.0705366824649705,0.07670449741134051,0.16159184077295305,0.0,0.0,0.0583026200918841,0.05623188355690284,0.0,0.1393403481278592,0.10234497428629093,0.0,0.0831844716481424,0.0,0.0,0.05958202808084745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965834030780209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813526908521635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638889835705613,0.0,0.0,0.12468175381257487,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,taifun92,2019/03/04,"Out of all the impulsive decisions I've made this week, spontaneously quitting my meds is the worst of them Because now the withdrawal symptoms are kicking in and they are a w f u l

I've become a ball of anxiety, with my heart rate really high, I keep sweating, and i threw up twice

Take my advice and do not quit your meds, for any reason, this has been a PSA from ur local borderline",6.6769230769230745,5.598241948717952,7.4457692307692325,76.4117307692308,65.41025641025641,11.38974358974359,33.6025641025641,10.686352973137794,3.3518102564102565,304,11,62,7,4,102,61,78,0.08199999999999999,0.903,0.016,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,6,0,6,3,2,2,1,11,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,8,0,9,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315429342378195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833600662788654,0.0,0.16686899540463834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329701369044682,0.2409076530542865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25848532091871884,0.0,0.23046651791266695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388413198307544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640005636232867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845869259051319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640166064264856,0.0,0.0,0.1397397828309112,0.22427416095853644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267207840322739,0.16400675339581866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497087797034658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mishpoo7,2019/03/04,"DAE get sudden, crushing waves of emptiness? Where you are overwhelmed with a longing you can’t pin down? My long term coping mechanism has been attributing it to a want for sex so I’m not so disturbed by it. I have bad seasonal depression as well and it happens alot more often in the winter. ",3.605789473684212,5.742156245614037,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,74.26315789473685,7.3670175438596495,28.94385964912281,8.238735603445708,2.197571228070176,234,10,43,4,5,75,51,57,0.218,0.6679999999999999,0.114,-0.8275,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,2,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,4,1,8,8,3,9,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,2,6,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32059467772928435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33070843096603514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060582798470725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395389189053187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6795937594955717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264724634820759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452305837637384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GreenEyeFitBoy,2019/03/04,"Broke up with my gf who has BPD, she wants to try again.. Is it even possible for this to work? Our first 6 months she was the most incredible girl in the world, the last 3 months the mask came off and she was so mean at times, so many drown out fights over nothing, and it was like walking on eggshells everytime i was with her (or texting)....so is this just a waste of time or can this work out? I did fall in love with her in the first 6 months but i’m not even sure that was even the real her.  Any personal experiences either way would be great! Thank you",0.7955128205128191,2.8245671196581235,1.7270299145299148,100.0464423076923,82.93162393162393,5.609401709401709,17.442307692307693,6.816661863887847,-0.4106974358974358,431,9,107,5,12,134,81,117,0.085,0.8029999999999999,0.11199999999999999,0.7446,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,1,0,4,7,7,1,0,7,0,12,1,0,0,1,20,18,7,1,2,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,7,0,11,5,17,9,2,24,0,1,0,1,14,11,0,3,10,71,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762435057517345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784747294952786,0.0,0.0,0.19782961427489554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427317203944354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919615179786332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29425343329625225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069812123874536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099222059184155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450355662523293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561106110211707,0.0,0.0,0.17536267083701312,0.0,0.1884131464327048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141848533503104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596771389373846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102921606918018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499572823769684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687575153659825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302054143753822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924593809386184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171837094562636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743409704207652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020211633181122,0.13729415662717182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25184591187008193,0.0,0.0,0.12287169175186925,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ummmkrystal,2019/03/04,"Im terrible with words, but i have something to say I have bpd. Oh god do i ever. Ive lived a textbook bpd life. I was diagnosed a few years ago. With several npd traits tacked on, for good measure. Yeah, im a great person. 

Ive just passed 40, and my life is literally over.



Story time. It doesnt end well for me. But it can for you. I check all the bpd boxes and lived my life that way. Childhood was nothing but neglect from my mother, abandonment from my father, and sexual abuse from any male who got close to me. My first bf (i was 14) was late 20's. Who regularly fed me copious amounts of drugs and booze. He also cheated many times, often in front of me. And to end the relationship with ""the clingy little girl"" had his friend rape me and bf called it cheating so he had a reason to tell me to stop coming around. I did. I also got wind of the terrible crap hed say about me. Probably because he was a god damn pedophile and it excused him, i guess.

Anyway. That was my intrduction to all things sex. Eventually, its what my life was. Hundreds (literally) of empty relationships, only used to fill voids in myself. Id validate myself knowing i could get any one, guy or girl, that i wanted. And i did exactly that. I went from relationship to relationship. As soon as it got too emotional, id run. Or sometimes id stick around, because i had all the control and it was fun. Cue npd. The horrible things i would do to peoples' mental state and emotions are disgusting. Even to my own family. My parents are very remorseful, alhough ive never heard an actual sorry, but i will never let them think i forgive them, because i never will. Ever. Its their bullshit that made me this way. Its their bullshit that gave their only daughter a life of abuse and turned me into this.


So heres me. Only becomming self aware in the last 5,6 months. Yes i was diagnosed way earlier but, didnt actually *see* myself. And now its too late.

You see, ive fucked myself. My current bf is #250+ of my sexual encounters (give or take)  and i cant stand him. The process has begun again where i idealized him and now, i hate him. Im abusing him. Very badly. Physically a couple times and mentally constantly. This relationship is very heavily npd with the gaslighting, abuse and manipulating. For several months now, ive really made an effort to stop this behavior, but im still left with the ""im done with this person"" feeling.


But this time i really did it. I screwed over all my friends and family, just so i could run away with him, to his country. I even left my children. My daughters. Yep, the cycle will continue. I screwed everyone over so bad, i have ZERO chance on going back. So here i am. For 3 years, in a country, illegally, aging with no healthcare, no money because i cant work legally, a bf who i cant stand, and no where to go. Wanting to die. Usually trying to with the ridiculous amounts of drugs and alcohol i use to numb myself


What i have to say is, help yourself, NOW! Before its too late. Because one day your life will have raced by you and left you with nothing but emptyness, wishing it could just be all over.",1.9701064213564232,4.2821840373376645,3.7778787878787874,85.39237373737376,80.37987012987013,7.027994227994228,24.38816738816739,8.11559375814309,1.5986269119769123,2421,90,483,48,63,812,279,616,0.209,0.7070000000000001,0.084,-0.9984,2,0,4,1,3,0,110.0,0,5,5,5,35,26,11,0,23,3,53,20,1,7,11,86,82,40,1,8,14,5,1,0,6,5,12,4,0,8,32,35,3,5,5,0,2,9,11,18,1,4,26,7,86,8,61,45,9,75,0,2,2,5,60,21,5,5,39,329,118,3,0.0,0.2654061638224097,0.10929699381630648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049641143471812685,0.0598475990221287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956730195247964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616464203935157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997047944614215,0.0,0.0,0.05261439700997608,0.04306099640919915,0.09351630572480836,0.17068719708523622,0.061848251063712265,0.04765237679799683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115923452317898,0.0,0.05718286284693019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823954899217561,0.0,0.06051674238580871,0.06280942265025352,0.1341357410765957,0.0619635868367908,0.0,0.03611574724137414,0.0,0.0,0.11367883853433215,0.05811977026983135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573080457734591,0.0,0.0,0.12988580899705776,0.0,0.0,0.12598625082513198,0.09919980040779723,0.0,0.0,0.0739757220669776,0.10131147810886153,0.0,0.053510962863543766,0.0,0.0,0.10558474320592204,0.0,0.028315580545051018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763407259268139,0.0,0.0,0.08653183265008993,0.05177164236335514,0.029257996534548518,0.053720868020154085,0.06365285078906995,0.046970637317699945,0.13436636087963993,0.061740847327541086,0.06169096260111755,0.055449387739609855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528898802863464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375360145203381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024512305986875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030776459299883107,0.04564795452302148,0.1895133116024428,0.0,0.18253441216769195,0.05726439664554973,0.2373292338517235,0.0,0.05612730229295842,0.09889909254012567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059782231375196,0.0,0.05677580784103745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287084493305867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939827209612403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295733202272182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746815142437156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589489714025913,0.12777291478201494,0.0,0.0,0.06218202711902473,0.0,0.0,0.03882375744158507,0.09779510894762727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060378106816648784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175082287790396,0.057577932615288374,0.0,0.30061837599759017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360174876866135,0.0,0.0,0.08925043839407996,0.0,0.05842082784349555,0.12652945179596106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04311198953191392,0.05538601468163999,0.0626880748092662,0.0,0.0,0.04472214289945055,0.09363800027641188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210547374301628,0.0,0.048946983314506066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744086062522723,0.03588291637507087,0.0,0.0,0.13061757570355972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038020724113192586,0.060912560110221316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673305764049,0.06167673733520841,0.13861905291724036,0.06606119690834078,0.13335198335807422,0.0,0.0,0.05035125511981451,0.05191310726380298,0.0,0.0,0.06439791390325335,0.0,0.0,0.04076909592457188,0.0,0.0,0.03978121185489431,0.0,0.0,0.07212508682771991
bpd,jewishbroke1,2019/03/04,"Not sure if I have BpD My boyfriend left me as he said he preferred to be alone.  We are ldr.  He just came up
A few weeks ago to work on things but as soon as he left things went back to normal. He can be cruel and hurtful and purposely ignores me.  He has officially ended it but still wants to be friends.  I  am not handling it well at ALL.  I can’t stop crying long enough to even get dressed to do anything.  Been like this for weeks.  The emotional pain WONT stop and it is horrible.  I’m really careful about seeing docs about it (I do have severe PMDD so I’m inclined to think it’s that).  But if I go to docs for severe depression and anxiety it will be on my record and I have severe autoimmune inflammation and pain that they hate treating and don’t want to lose my pain meds-which are threatened monthly anyway.  I can’t work because of the pain fatigue etc.  

The biggest issues is I have ZERO family.  Nada. Nothing.  No friends who care to help. I’m on an island.  When I had a problem it was my problem and my BF wanted nothing to do with it.  Including this sudden severe anxiety that is physically painful. When it comes to him now I feel psycho and embarrassed of my actions.  I just want the crying and pain to stop. He doesn’t understand that I have no one and as he says that’s not his problem- and honestly it isn’t to some degree.  

How can I make this pain stop. I can’t function at all. Every call I made to do for business or personal my voice was cracking w tears.   How can I fix it.  ",1.3837484289903657,3.4997818344155864,3.1114620863007967,90.45113322161707,81.3051948051948,6.181985756179304,23.571847507331377,7.359569317364363,0.9792648512777542,1167,42,249,17,31,387,161,308,0.33,0.586,0.084,-0.9985,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,1,3,16,27,2,1,7,0,35,8,0,4,3,52,57,27,0,11,11,0,1,1,3,2,8,3,0,1,22,16,0,5,4,0,0,5,12,18,1,2,8,5,29,9,33,43,6,31,0,4,1,0,21,9,0,4,18,171,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943183189142826,0.0,0.0,0.08112276701894644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119839315733644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445614295802413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060228343963482374,0.0,0.04774718689052975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986496490355068,0.0,0.0799802470809941,0.08958479872552694,0.15971843977877073,0.0,0.0,0.06747145657603343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207625111904842,0.0,0.0,0.06746261199065119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810691672411693,0.06937414595907078,0.08093234723161444,0.08735489760602755,0.05173400066335996,0.0,0.06599356431212967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383937624982258,0.0,0.03960429778231273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102992069934401,0.0,0.040922431571711416,0.0,0.044514829094402096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733133150792776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052500689302819516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385027783343392,0.0,0.0,0.0817526522404756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020422622112866,0.0,0.0,0.038266435182668805,0.0,0.0,0.06931660310895782,0.0,0.08762746424182237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411455154346631,0.05228363400845979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251956910588455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674346747400705,0.15031302870000254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053076151868377684,0.0,0.5834154002878965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839179246657696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248440211518043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050178045102436473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450656212857654,0.062288480295071925,0.0,0.0,0.06241618344602321,0.0,0.0,0.3539471902535909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255174821632077,0.26193828099600536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382192219469715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407346566294952,0.05018854206980102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154078458370663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479630393247948,0.0,0.1256577966352305,0.0,0.07042504738003208,0.07260957110201785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404543959418285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LittleVignette,2019/03/04,"Having the hardest problem academically doing what I need to do. I have never struggled so much academically. Just in the fact that I am being so lazy/ unmotivated and can't make myself go to class. Maybe because of how behind I am or how much I don't know. Or maybe because the weather is cold but I'm really about to ruin my GPA and the hard work I've put in in the past. 

I know I'm distracted by my bf but I can't even blame it on that anymore because he won't like hang out with me or take the time I should be studying anymore. 


How can I be disciplined again like I was before? What steps should I take to stop fucking up? ",2.7142857142857157,3.814035052631581,4.6797067669172945,85.20016165413537,74.41353383458645,7.124511278195487,25.33007518796993,7.554174236665415,1.1266547368421058,494,16,108,6,10,170,82,133,0.171,0.7979999999999999,0.031,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,2,6,0,18,1,0,4,2,24,28,12,0,4,6,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,1,2,15,2,15,21,2,15,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,3,7,77,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37126448279798624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34230953171068884,0.0,0.15927637480700949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236306101215752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304487346760933,0.0,0.0,0.10637869505221348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767649437852006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573844144063425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828933648335326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249440887802242,0.0,0.3760948931665535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27519764204410274,0.1387915819257523,0.14436473830036134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868446884107345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910595972185128,0.0,0.18816757733007453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991228691338635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649084295866214,0.0,0.1956811541185524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28147209721556954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914615042359056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626925327464473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,pfeilberg,2019/03/04,"Perfectionism Hi all, not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I couldn't think of anywhere else and this is related to the emotional symptoms of BPD I have. If this isn't appropriate here I can post it elsewhere. I would be thankful for any thoughts or advice on this. 

So I have an issue with being good at things. I want to try new things, but I basically have a breakdown if I feel I'm not good at it fast enough. Right now, I really want to learn and practice drawing. My boyfriend is an artist and always encourages me with art even though I hate my own art. I never try because I'm insecure about my skill. I tried drawing the other day and when it didn't come out perfect, I got angry and cried. I hate being this way and I want to be able to allow myself to be bad at something without having an emotional breakdown. I'm terrified of new things because of the way I will react if I can't get it quickly. Again, I'm not sure if this subreddit is the best place for this, but I believe it is related to BPD. 

TL;DR how do I give myself space to make mistakes without hating myself?",3.2531137254901945,4.516207791111111,4.570875816993468,85.86517647058824,73.31111111111113,7.427450980392157,27.013071895424837,7.928766900206844,1.5554522875816992,863,31,179,12,17,286,117,225,0.16899999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.15,-0.8741,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,3,1,9,0,22,1,0,4,5,43,41,19,0,11,14,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,17,10,0,0,4,3,0,1,10,6,0,0,3,1,26,8,25,30,4,24,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,6,9,131,43,1,0.11138016781764533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883941092578307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267722210349402,0.0,0.0,0.07574233350469745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299778777501604,0.1357926330165897,0.0,0.0,0.12548730799164565,0.11688661451433928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28055884463741904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594415230084796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234588433792135,0.07183099399099613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930438382206691,0.250575394868221,0.0,0.11508548715121901,0.0,0.07356555039217415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631715944819364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819154063782225,0.1068460060415453,0.0,0.18684080073834244,0.08908089497573787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298945698376754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625195772555193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434712689945552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590325179051175,0.21514332026407545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232737138618286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334282489442025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135298755617897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023610949074285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574589472868871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994898007597626,0.11576664106710985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254389412900612,0.0,0.0,0.22198810312011166,0.0713679142034848,0.10943044937283647,0.08842341196173584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685946828584685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708472621846648,0.1768167857871479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473301433130546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912127556452389,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,escapecord,2019/03/04,"Ruminations at the Subway Station If I had a sense of self,

I could sit and make a mandala,

with colored grains of sand,

but it's flowing down the hourglass. 


I love the ugly patterns on the bus ceiling,

it's something to find shapes in (or skull after skull)

and the way the bumps in the road add bass to the music.

Being dragged across the pavement,

is not as tiring or abrasive,

as the things that come out of my mouth,

or the calloused the tips of your fingers,

strumming the same four chords.


I’m a barking dog on a leash pacing nervously,

tied to a tree in the backyard,

waiting for someone to love or pity me enough to bring me inside.


I'm a stuffed animal waterlogged on a wayside cross.

Gesture with your right hand as you pass me. 


In the name of the father and the son,

I am a waste of a daughter, 

the scene of an accident,

a life taken or lost in negligence,

during an earthquake from my fault,

and the storms I brew like a spiritual medicine,

crashing into a concrete wall. 


Someone always offered me a hand,

but my palms are slick with sweat. 

I’m trying to dry them on my skirt before the Sign of Peace. 

I never went to confession,

the  pew digs into my knees.


I'll press my fist against the mirror, not my lips. 

I want to take a long walk,

off a short pier,

or the edge of a cliff. 


I tried to capture pearls of your aura,

in a jar like lightning bugs,

and keep them as lantern in my room. 

But the black smog that pours from my struggling lungs, 

covers the glass in clinging needy dust. 

I wish I could snuff out the coal fire in my gut that clouds my view. 


I'd toss a handful of change to the uncanny plaster-faced ballerina, 

before I pirouette onto tracks miming your devotion, 

to your own living statue that won't wave back. 


I'd rather be a stain on your bed in shimmering scarlet,

trapped inside an emerald for rest,

a short break for heavy eyelids,


or the green lights perfectly timed to let you go through. 


",7.721364829396329,5.981256792650921,7.2524015748031525,80.76658136482942,63.750656167979,9.831496062992127,35.33989501312336,7.984000788550335,2.5276887139107616,1502,54,307,13,18,471,224,381,0.107,0.782,0.111,0.8109,0,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,8,2,2,2,11,0,2,51,0,10,17,13,1,2,42,27,20,0,6,14,3,7,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,7,14,0,2,2,0,0,8,4,5,0,1,4,12,36,6,62,17,4,47,2,2,4,2,19,31,0,8,7,192,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402361316434045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959440791154642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868248332216966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828960354434162,0.14517954322639653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691258663162181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741435830733129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403959600430592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578335614325544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980326535614022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723403124992848,0.11904253696640928,0.16467714979479903,0.0,0.14882109576531735,0.14914977811429855,0.0,0.0,0.18397784304656106,0.0,0.30422211209054023,0.0,0.11249963301163583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998598202736328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439295195106368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758206550107324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28560139358821823,0.12974787448447433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761912727568335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671871054046613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196837132090366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827517241640177,0.19370827657362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288508692643644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940738038095627,0.13377667934802767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156235316404892,0.0,0.0,0.19380902020297847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Planetout85,2019/03/04,"I want to end my friendship with a friend who has BPD. I want to do it in a way that’s less hurtful. Please help me. I no longer feel emotionally healthy around her. I need to end this friendship forever. I care for her feelings and I want to do it in person.

Could someone guide me on how to do this in a compassionate way taking into considering that she has BPD. 

She’s 38 years old. ",0.6769444444444446,2.92006825,2.479166666666668,93.1202777777778,85.25,5.555555555555557,21.38888888888889,6.937597516519254,0.4204722222222217,300,10,68,4,9,99,51,80,0.06,0.638,0.301,0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,12,14,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,13,3,13,13,1,12,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,46,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006648863939638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812174763300061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947784540167048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253024095891707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489477422234474,0.33841024035430345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319156648765146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475973649394238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805037554059234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045127351342717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416540606927943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046479838097925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680913766153374,0.0,0.2097050274947748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186793926016707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363863063262747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380417918979107,0.3032780076466221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302377559534493
bpd,bunanbunv,2019/03/04,"Did getting diagnosed help? Hi. I've been scrolling through this sub for quite some time, and I feel as if I relate to a lot of these. This isn't an ""I read about this thing once and I feel like I relate, I definitely have this mental illness!"" 
I've suspected I might have BPD for years and years now. I can't say it's gotten worse, but perhaps the way it manifests changes over time. 
Whatever I have, and whatever it is I'm feeling sometimes interferes with my life and relationships. So even if it isn't specifically BPD, it could be something else.
I also feel like if I do get a diagnosis I can finally be acknowledged for it, and not be mistaken as being just a shitty person. It might help me and the people around me understand what I'm going through. I'm not using it as an excuse to be shitty though. I never try to be a horrible person.
I'd also love to hear your stories about getting diagnosed and how it's affected you from then on :-)
Thanks in advance.",2.4104352806414653,4.4884522886597935,4.245292096219932,83.82235967926692,77.65979381443299,7.8162657502863695,26.241695303550976,8.680891452615391,2.066271248568156,760,30,152,17,18,257,111,194,0.099,0.748,0.154,0.8425,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,2,11,4,0,0,8,0,20,5,0,3,1,34,37,21,0,4,7,0,4,2,0,2,4,2,0,2,16,10,0,1,7,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,6,18,4,21,25,2,15,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,7,10,109,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933836915148807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651595288765125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296917179237436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384596331957391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450151885710356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265692302291725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933814225260016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864487188780175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647188124980462,0.18700942892866426,0.0,0.14337880119387125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514700607254524,0.0,0.07438531520742107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751760840081474,0.0,0.17545974686840762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244838552215373,0.1278882071810591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127427525712713,0.11812938391444995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190192228617684,0.2776979223847216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094706048084567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393889157188395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073961021474496,0.2285685531640783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921296996018534,0.13092104144562142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052217538425507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408549992889496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076214626041924,0.12944922683287216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205018956421574,0.0,0.0,0.08695459137504294,0.0,0.12859445901099145,0.0,0.15264091741208935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886274573769327,0.0,0.0,0.13625654836631035,0.0,0.11304315351734485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389091446975607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333836306258199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857209854813948
bpd,curiousbutneedshelp,2019/03/04,I am the toxic gf I’ve hurt him so much I’ve unknowingly manipulated and gaslighted him so much when all he did was loving me I feel like utter shit I feel so disgusting and like a horrible human being I feel so fucking bad I wish I could go back in time and do it all over and be so gentle and kind and it ruins me so much that I can’t. I would kill my self and break up with him so that he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore but that would make him hate me even more what do I do I feel so lost and powerless I hate myself so much ,0.3019834710743794,1.773062008264464,2.8404958677685954,94.28983471074379,81.80991735537191,6.052892561983472,17.611570247933887,6.980632752743323,-0.21629586776859533,417,8,105,5,11,145,69,121,0.271,0.636,0.09300000000000001,-0.9782,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,12,14,6,0,2,0,14,3,1,2,2,24,26,19,1,4,1,0,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,3,4,21,4,6,18,7,8,0,3,0,2,11,3,2,1,5,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664512162033565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920819699072408,0.14030183065334856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416191528117244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323624293843545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098523567047737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398532699248062,0.12004391627558822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534523403616976,0.0,0.0,0.09549790726647372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317986601487688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988446141899953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590533346501606,0.17498212623517145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418638700120644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834295612702176,0.0,0.15165774211013028,0.0,0.1121643671035015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940989149562447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752966828875091,0.0,0.17248505111326728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798229755054473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932314400329502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23873384670582484,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lilypond7,2019/03/04,"My mom doesn't care about my mental health because she doesn't believe in depression/anxiety Which is odd since she's experienced depression and tried to commit suicide in college once.

She also thinks therapy is a waste of money and I just need to stop thinking about the past and get over it.

All of that was an ignorant thing to say but she was just so cold. The way she spoke made me feel like she truly didn't care one bit about me. It's the same with my dad except he's louder.

I can't stop getting triggered and having a panic attack everytime I see something that reminds me of my mom.
Even browsing through reddit to distract myself and seeing the word ""therapy"" triggers me.

To people out there with aloof parents, how do you get over them? Is it possible to stop thinking about them once you meet someone that cares about you?

",4.199353468617272,6.008186981595093,4.574846625766874,84.59557810287873,71.82208588957056,7.2239735724398315,27.875884851344967,7.882392219407189,1.7714307692307685,670,25,125,9,13,211,102,163,0.191,0.738,0.071,-0.9566,1,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,3,2,0,12,9,1,2,7,0,11,1,0,4,2,29,26,9,1,1,4,4,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,8,0,4,4,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,5,7,23,4,23,21,3,10,0,1,2,0,19,5,0,0,5,88,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017215373743134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730740630668484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447079980527384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753974371957502,0.0,0.0,0.14331047989242304,0.0,0.0,0.13886910508637915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890656505941491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955689717179448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401418835883062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643159796466114,0.0908714761236636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993697469796933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352073106970331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214333807620361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035941186959108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818735879104598,0.0,0.0,0.2979494535083569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431695026873704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709270136636709,0.08619379447276976,0.0,0.0,0.14924141665449295,0.14124019050957534,0.0,0.12142648658976199,0.08818424151484985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339852601745232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115429019588232,0.0,0.0,0.20272335119782894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522088894917493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777587527415462,0.0979245273409775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190338819123926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913580352917915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909278370941113,0.0,0.08450581469872602,0.24451325469752525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636023246363977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096518456623094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,anon9830,2019/03/04,"Bpd sufferers- Do you feel better being single? Or in a relationship? 
Ive recently split up with my boyfriend because i cant hack the intense emotions, paranoia, anxiety and comparing myself, i feel awful for breaking his heart, i feel a terrible person.

I cant shake the feeling if how much i hate me and questioning why i am the way i am.

I had your stereotypical bpd relationship which was intense at times because of my rage and mood swings..

Im on here today to get an understanding,

-Am i the only one thats ran away from love because it hurts to much? 

-Do you find your bpd is less intense when your single?  

Thanks in advance x 
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bpd,dmj9891,2019/03/04,"How to control uncontrollable rage/crying from something being unfair For example, if a lazy person gets a promotion you deserved and worked hard for ",8.1816,10.99627456,7.693000000000001,62.17150000000001,63.4,9.8,36.5,10.125756701596842,4.6878,124,6,15,3,2,39,23,25,0.345,0.655,0.0,-0.8176,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481537354797128,0.0,0.0,0.4716059487513633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431058372183849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846011440245357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748800425770774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305241876659012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125620612420877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thinkbryce,2019/03/04,"The first diagnosis that makes some sense to me. I feel like an actor and the world is my stage

I sat right beside you and boiled with rage

In youth I was happy or so I had thought

Till few simple words had entered my thought

Do I think I’m crazy? or willfully blind

To poison tipped arrows I felt rape my mind

I am not happy and no one can see

Not even my family can understand me

I MUST IMPRESS AND THAT’S ALL I WILL KNOW

I’ll be amazing and my heart will glow

I will just cope and will never face fears

and live in denial of my hidden tears

alone I’m unbridled and trapped in my mind 

constantly fearing of what I might find

feelings hidden and trapped beneath ice 

it felt like everyone gave up on Bryce

with no sense of normal and no feelings found

I settled for wanting to live in the ground

Less eating, less sleeping and to not ask for more

I doubted myself and loved treacherous whores

Enough I have had of this fake life I built 

The new problem is that I’m riddled with guilt

I can’t get a way and can not change a thing

At this point blood sisters will settle for rings

But as for myself I have always asked more 

I’m tired believing to my friends I’m a bore

After years of hiding I have had enough 

It felt like a time to gather my stuff

My stuff is emotion and its deep inside 

But part of me wants to take one last quick ride

Ill project and project and then try some more 

Until I can ask what I do it for 

I do have problems and can finally admit

that inside my family is where I feel like shit. 

All seemingly blind to each other’s pain

My internal emotions reacted insane

Misdiagnosed a few dozen times 

I believed myself guilty of all perceived crimes

25 to life and wasting away 

it was impossible to see through the grey

So here I stand, my heart on my sleeve 

no longer feeling like I need to grieve


Our words define us and show what we can’t see

And its feeling good to get to know me
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bpd,TinyLittleAcorn,2019/03/04,"If I heavily suspect that I have BPD, would getting a diagnosis affect a future career in law enforcement? Please forgive me if this is incredibly insensitive or not allowed. It’s definitely unintentional and I’m just worried. ",5.908076923076923,9.206969487179489,8.48429487179487,51.60028846153847,72.07692307692308,11.079487179487181,40.519230769230774,10.686352973137794,6.206738461538462,186,12,24,7,4,67,35,39,0.22,0.6709999999999999,0.109,-0.5348,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,12,5,4,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,18,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5872205342918192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243594299290528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117981135195265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734954604452387,0.0,0.3312077918690805,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dietcola62442,2019/03/04,"Terrified about medication Hi all, I have a doctors appointment later to discuss medication and I’m so scared. I’m scared of losing who I am but I’m mostly scared of gaining weight. I know it’s not logical but as someone with a history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia, gaining weight is not an acceptable side effect for me. I was originally recommended seroquel/quetiapine, but after reading about how common weight gain is I refused. 

I guess I’m just looking for advice from those of you that have taken medication and what has worked for you?",6.635126050420169,8.109215509803928,7.677170868347344,65.97441176470589,65.47058823529412,10.926610644257703,36.14005602240896,10.914260884657429,4.548793837535014,450,22,71,13,7,152,68,102,0.175,0.696,0.128,-0.4933,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,6,5,5,0,3,3,0,7,9,1,3,1,20,15,9,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,4,4,1,4,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,9,1,14,13,2,5,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,2,4,51,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933573223161314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975061174591224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514706718635076,0.15641962767968154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637489315837516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835048478073347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398688599610173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833185547113482,0.17096854736169873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618557749082678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286319461086725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45900396202530297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294854481327646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5582874878319561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125611878277887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,not-sure-who20,2019/03/04,"I’m scared of myself and my impulsivity I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Sometimes I have a strong urge to hurt myself. I’m not depressed, I know because I have been in the past, so I know this is a different feeling. I’m really impulsive, so when life gets overwhelming sometimes I just want to quit. Lately I’ve have the impulsive urge to cut myself when I can’t handle everything going on around me. I’m 21 years old and don’t know where this came from. I’m sure people of all ages self-harm, but I guess I never thought of someone who isn’t an angsty teen doing so. I’m just so overwhelmed with school. There’s so much going on at the end of the quarter and I feel like it’s too much. I thought I was doing okay and then I checked my grades and realized I was failing. With two weeks of school left idk what I’m supposed to do. I’m such a failure. I cope with drinking and I know that’s wrong. I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid I have a problem, but I feel like I’m too young to have this problem. I’m a social work/psychology major so I know there isn’t really an age limit to these actions and feelings, but when it’s happening to you you sometimes lose sight of reality. It’s really hard knowing that things will be okay and making yourself believe it. I want to give up so badly, but I’m so close to being done with school and I know I can’t. It just feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I don’t know how to handle it. I wish I didn’t self-harm by cutting myself and drinking, but it’s what I’ve been turning to lately, and it really scares me. I really have been scaring myself lately with these urges and actions. I don’t know what to do.",1.3150572956455306,3.1060418655462168,3.1725082760376893,91.58563789152029,79.92436974789916,6.007944996180291,21.742551566080976,6.980632752743323,0.4799344537815125,1314,39,293,15,33,440,147,357,0.147,0.767,0.086,-0.9769,1,0,2,0,0,4,34.0,0,2,0,5,22,25,2,7,13,2,30,5,1,2,3,61,72,31,0,5,9,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,21,22,3,1,18,2,1,5,11,18,0,2,10,8,41,7,35,59,4,32,0,6,1,0,5,11,0,1,19,187,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333487640272404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878311879597453,0.05021754297529391,0.0,0.0,0.092813050928242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421975979959747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095300974763911,0.0,0.0,0.08606864010864902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430243452945298,0.0,0.16140033835104015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296344314611193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403703537934447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082667750091152,0.17655496543702587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303968673206879,0.07902555213690139,0.09363589726076106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074988102540092,0.0,0.07284757800827335,0.0,0.07379550479052899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818854480882453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527340638054642,0.0,0.2787816846343043,0.0,0.08950514785753216,0.0,0.05818680410600721,0.12073882118140733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216115624714498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054988697946624455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121116254171935,0.0,0.06353585084369777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644302196147399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864018522827461,0.05711130480429631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765137215749592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762032745447622,0.0,0.0,0.2638708477344478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474275913029682,0.2501161826237962,0.0,0.0,0.17187876319850484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397513196850334,0.06979955553958644,0.0,0.2444251490447104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764133955850472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472902253382322,0.0,0.0,0.1307996285680124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960481973181318,0.08047242373771356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717867102496644,0.0,0.06607955581946556,0.1003155671825706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473191499362968,0.0,0.0,0.05997297575967851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013725704824116,0.0,0.05304944818970715
bpd,terriyakipterodactyl,2019/03/04,"This Subreddit is saving me Honestly, I love having this as a place to come and feel slightly less alone. Slightly less of a total, psychotic mess. And slightly less afraid of what I have been through/feel. 
It helps to read through during this super rough time right now where I feel like a total monster. 
I feel more human and more okay. Thanks guys. <3",2.581679104477612,5.414416029850749,2.470279850746269,92.26870335820898,82.73134328358208,5.141044776119403,21.807835820895523,6.6274283507984215,0.5472402985074627,282,9,53,3,8,84,46,67,0.052000000000000005,0.6559999999999999,0.293,0.9605,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,3,1,4,1,0,0,2,10,10,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,7,6,9,7,6,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882766257593227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397655374879271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5629489106349674,0.19884637835219196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756006748098005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656564757857214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598301955998615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512130035681173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908063899467188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784156402241037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377011102179335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562583680436452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230247741854756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bigbunbun,2019/03/04,"I hate constantly expecting someone to abandon me and being to scared to tell them my fears I went through a lot of friendships and relationships that were constantly them abandoning me for trying to stand up for various reasons, like me not being good enough, expressing how situations make me feel and trying to be transparent about my feelings, you guys know what i mean when i say that. 

Ive realized how on edge i am about being abandoned and if anything small happens with someone i love and treasure i just instantly feel so overwhelmed with anxiety and horrible thoughts. I thought i had gotten better but i just learned that expressing my feelings is why people leave and if i try they will hate me. I just hate that feeling. I cant tell the people i love that i feel suicidal and depressed because it all looks like its for attention when it seems to come from me. I cant go to anyone abput how i feel unsafe in my own home because its ignored by my loved ones.

Im sorry this is starting to be a jumbled mess i have so many fears coming out of me right now and i just feel so fucking lonely i spend most of my time alone crying my eyes out lately and i have nobody to.reach out to. 

Thanks if you read, sorry i have to stop now. 
",4.8284168482207726,5.987464831275723,5.281002178649239,82.65980392156864,69.41152263374485,8.351391914790609,31.16654563059792,8.671277953709913,2.4340711207939973,986,41,189,16,17,315,136,243,0.237,0.6509999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.9859,1,3,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,3,1,16,24,4,4,3,0,17,5,1,5,1,56,47,22,1,4,9,0,8,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,11,17,0,5,17,1,1,4,3,15,0,1,6,11,42,9,29,35,6,23,0,6,2,4,15,8,1,6,12,137,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369978943670144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659570959231972,0.0,0.0,0.07001005583248919,0.0,0.08239472959653785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207111292410333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855284056192587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249845134814246,0.0,0.21640012314127755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099831259696474,0.0,0.0,0.08623791957991914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345637451661746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533797792101865,0.40501156375546826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256438252435947,0.0,0.0,0.056903611323096626,0.08398049282604922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913995583620397,0.08854062140864148,0.0,0.0,0.2965595142615987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043400895881406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815268794299007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550263391565919,0.0,0.1129458899881151,0.10601841450463426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783249306595153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408017656562675,0.0,0.0,0.0851230930706485,0.2711014343097427,0.0,0.06683452792477565,0.10151151007036999,0.0,0.10906598833265907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784760894035684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882878621596556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015256419446382,0.0,0.0,0.10294565782088798,0.0,0.10749728260268124,0.0,0.08550660329654812,0.0,0.07962379154821607,0.10024306131870823,0.0,0.0,0.0911504663646799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254522204707787,0.0,0.0,0.16967196962457942,0.0,0.0,0.22416452990364544,0.07086932217419943,0.0,0.0,0.08370937525575686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095210118685789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502814591581595,0.0921820794090496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897687624036094,0.058383966056998575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393586276245496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281731271086817,0.09034766209018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,basicbagels,2019/03/04,"How to not fall too fast Does anyone have any strategies/tips/advice on how to not get too attached to someone in the first place? I feel like when I fall for someone quick, even if I don’t outwardly show it, I get attached in my head and heart and that’s where the pain is.  In theory, I know better than to get too attached too soon, but in practice it doesn’t seem to work out that way. Does that make sense? 

Thank you and I wish everyone in this sub nothing but the best ❤️",4.3343894389438935,4.0980167128712885,4.7611386138613865,90.90956270627063,69.990099009901,7.921452145214522,26.73432343234323,7.1686216300943375,0.9817115511551152,372,10,87,3,6,118,66,101,0.067,0.825,0.10800000000000001,0.4867,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,4,11,5,0,0,3,0,4,3,2,3,0,16,13,9,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,8,4,14,13,1,18,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,2,6,56,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925057636861023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396650745042912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774672551367534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673896339910788,0.17423016847073078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447914169220364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011640120774606,0.0,0.0,0.18824159382078556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960893481497413,0.14073657886387156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756778920026186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087725358471541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217846027596714,0.0,0.0,0.23344551641835906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082658476085374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624407100115744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149878633031814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890264632378687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096215015305108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582268971660664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934106924326168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338343035058058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137079650414434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636914097085358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265398584360164,0.0,0.0,0.14341808079671814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Throwawaybpder,2019/03/04,"Could really use some support I'm a 22 year old male recently diagnosed as bpd, I'm really going through it. My traumas and just all the terrible things that have happened to me, some of it my own making.....I just feel like there's far to much water under the bridge, as the saying goes. I just want a release, and end....I don't see the point in going on suffering. I feel the suicidal ideation I've had since I was a kid will win, and win soon. 

I guess I'm just desperate for a friend(s) to share my story with and distract me.

Thank for reading fellow bpders and stay blessed",2.43186440677966,4.114959983050852,3.812000000000001,88.74952542372883,76.28813559322035,7.431864406779661,25.359322033898305,8.238735603445708,1.5081294915254242,450,16,96,8,10,148,80,118,0.142,0.68,0.17800000000000002,0.552,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,0,1,9,0,6,2,0,1,1,19,20,7,1,2,4,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,4,6,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,4,9,7,13,16,5,12,1,1,1,0,5,5,0,3,5,57,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559371598874122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224746019488515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625490285509734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998464322958407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549919017131327,0.14517398985205826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570003262456599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097900585929415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238598434393425,0.0,0.1796988296139236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927863743481677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493834779204836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323577666512672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210009295516275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032660069722753,0.0,0.26036435968662625,0.0,0.20064636193622049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160155556849268,0.0,0.0,0.16193286928407802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809825168619946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659590410191032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227986813062328,0.2306014518731149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870894005219536,0.0,0.0,0.13500436890468956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755090715541591,0.0,0.0,0.11985912177231005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308612312446708
bpd,Luminous-Llama,2019/03/04,"I'm seeing a psychologist this Thursday for the first time. I've talked to several LCSW's in the past (not psychologists) and never connected with them. I have nothing against their profession, but these people were honestly not equipped to handle my issues. One of them told me this herself on our last appointment. She believed I may have BPD, but I was never officially diagnosed.

I sought out a psychologist this time and expected to be waiting for months to be seen, but it's only taken a week to get the ball rolling. I'm afraid to finally deal with my issues and the past, but at the same time, I'm excited to talk with someone who is experienced with this disorder, which I verified ahead of time.

I'm tired of feeling completely devoid of life and purpose.  I’m tired of my actions being controlled by the intensity of my emotions. I'm tired of being behind so many others in life. I'm tired of being haunted by my past. 

Here's to facing the shit I've kept hidden inside for so many years. ",6.061770293609669,6.640615103626943,6.945712435233163,73.91145293609675,66.35751295336786,10.163903281519863,33.181778929188255,10.125756701596842,3.3966721934369613,797,33,144,18,12,266,110,193,0.11800000000000001,0.8109999999999999,0.071,-0.8857,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,3,3,3,4,1,1,10,0,11,9,2,1,2,24,26,10,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,9,9,0,3,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,6,4,17,2,33,14,1,23,0,0,2,0,11,5,1,1,17,98,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283540457651352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484936932323542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236182132624752,0.0,0.13223734245552604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155199088172268,0.0,0.11966825093201405,0.0,0.0,0.13512613548960298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262410552490198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961489476209712,0.0,0.0,0.12915609682030235,0.0,0.10028755088332866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061599033139434066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461185291872469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961060289993082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665556209419655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906865014413906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094108410993806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186688978602408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131303405071945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989358188856764,0.08966993579214642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376529717414286,0.08173854004041606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093952788357434,0.0,0.0,0.1331959261990202,0.12102491375089555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989815124739608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953064421819166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27499888329179706,0.5420449380278429,0.0,0.11266060445602286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457403289437667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592515106834254
bpd,0ddities,2019/03/04,"I have nothing to say, I just really feel like killing myself. I’m not going to, but ya know. 
I don’t know who to talk to, so here’s a shitty post. ",-0.3865686274509805,0.7845377941176501,2.712352941176473,95.8022549019608,82.82352941176471,5.7098039215686285,17.215686274509807,6.42735559955562,-0.4371254901960779,111,2,29,1,3,40,27,34,0.239,0.705,0.055999999999999994,-0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731395589936967,0.2646542237973259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053898694753967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098552700914519,0.0,0.4071864485253953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098635132052934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554630381754592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547949584573922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373239434542375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946019069738579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977589315081482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Average_Girl90,2019/03/04,"So diagnosis? My psychiatrist and psychologist have obviously diagnosed me with something/ a few things, but they will not tell me what exactly. I have put together things, and maybe with some help with the Google think I have BPD...  Don't these people have to tell you your diagnosis? ",6.3918,8.761931180000001,6.513000000000003,70.63150000000002,67.2,11.4,30.5,11.20814326018867,4.0296,229,9,40,8,4,73,39,50,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.6007,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,11,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,4,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37317303905231536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007330742895468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860021775062664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976680396644176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541356828436289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29785819956582776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22810228038625874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5179495835515591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936903156358011,0.18985380032169732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lushlife234,2019/03/04,"supportive friends? hi, i’m a 17 yr old girl. i struggle with a lot and i don’t really have anyone to talk ab it with :( if anyone around my age or something wants to talk pm me!! i’m really nice n supportive!! ",-1.9755000000000005,-0.2852913555555521,1.5504166666666668,93.96562500000002,107.0,5.805555555555558,16.73611111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.5379444444444448,159,5,37,4,8,57,34,45,0.106,0.654,0.24,0.7623,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,5,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434515994302221,0.0,0.0,0.21863170235976595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897461599794949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879616589303335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577107370410415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146690113799877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907110163344834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567493160924196,0.0,0.0,0.5573968032417314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948000662870221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485834927008126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,croptopcontractor,2019/03/04,"That feeling when... You can’t decide if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship 
OR
it just feels like that because you are overly sensitive and your emotional needs are high maintenance 🤔",4.13470588235294,7.518012470588237,4.762000000000004,73.03300000000004,86.05882352941177,8.60235294117647,30.329411764705892,8.841846274778883,3.851077647058824,160,8,24,5,5,51,30,34,0.114,0.7340000000000001,0.152,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.3505002916892232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033013703787928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6655190976286117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991526375259589,0.2113350516282109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125518234796789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452351960049112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934801111113875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31760175259471257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OliviaGG,2019/03/04,How to get diagnosed Hello people! I've been wondering about my symptoms lately and been wondering how to get diagnosed. I'm kind of afraid of telling him my symptoms. Can someone tell me there experience like how they brought it up and how you got diagnosed or what the diagnosic test was? I'm kinda scared to bring it up.  I wanna get diagnosed so that I can finally deal with whatever I have (most likely BPD). Thank you if you guys respond. ,4.201781512605038,6.181271800000001,5.249243697478993,79.05588235294121,72.17647058823529,9.563025210084033,30.966386554621852,9.957137785484203,3.3725798319327747,353,16,65,10,7,116,58,85,0.031,0.9059999999999999,0.063,0.3989,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,1,0,7,6,0,2,1,0,6,7,0,4,0,14,17,9,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,5,0,11,4,10,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,6,4,43,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287253535804015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150769897453402,0.0,0.6965734870675302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426535244178442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036020337468034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151360263716112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977832608571564,0.0,0.0,0.1359076988172239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429338204593262,0.0,0.0,0.15483379904373987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411534118608087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515790432352617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741990977611832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629885625307865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853287021055306,0.0,0.0,0.2399403180990428,0.1263693752836579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29770242339157144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,whutwhot,2019/03/04,"Not sure how to word this. I seem to make friends with people with BPD very often. I've done this almost my entire life  (I'm 25), mainly after adolescence when I started forming relationships with other girls/women. I befriended some of the ones that had BPD extremely quickly and became very close almost in no time. I'm a very empathetic person and enjoy deep open conversations and if I feel comfortable I open up almost immediately. I have had about 10 close friendships with people with BPD. I almost feel as if I'm attracting them or it's just something about my own personality. Many of these relationships ended in conflict and myself emotionally drained after they do something extremely risky and/or hurtful to me. I end up feeling defeated and with no other option than to end the relationship or keep them at arms length for respect to my own mental health. However I have two friends now that I consider my closest that I am able to recognize different symptoms and how to manage expectations and the varying intensity of these relationships... It's very important to me to not necessarily judge them but understand the disorder and how they handle their emotions (or lack thereof sometimes.) 

​

I have for a long time considered if I had BPD, which might answer the question of why I have so many friends with it. After consulting basically every therapist and psychiatrist I've spoken to about it, they don't think I could be diagnosed. I deal with major depression and anxiety. So I check off more than a few boxes but like a lot of personality disorders there is a lot of overlap between symptoms and variables. 

​

My mom has noticed this happen all my life, forming quick fast relationships that often end in flames. She says I'm a collector of broken toys. I think that's a little unfair to say, since I'd consider myself a broken toy for the most part. Struggling with mental health does not make us unfit for healthy relationships and I think I see myself in others and am drawn to them.

​

But at the same time I'm sometimes feeling like I'm justifying certain actions. The ones that hurt me the most are ghosting, lying, manipulating situations and forming attachments to other people extremely quickly and sometimes ignoring me over them. It leaves my extremely sensitive self feeling betrayed, unwanted and easily replaced. I'm still struggling with my brain to determine if it's excusable or if it's something I should try and address. I just see these things happen over and over in relationships with different people and I recognize certain patterns.

​

I'm just looking for some insight and if this is even a healthy mindset to have about my friends. ",8.355285460362605,9.174289167010311,8.279630287948809,65.48927835051549,61.45360824742268,11.2257376466406,38.99217916814789,10.996428447227288,4.724884109491646,2206,108,338,55,29,713,226,485,0.138,0.755,0.107,-0.9679,3,0,3,0,0,0,57.0,1,0,9,1,22,20,0,2,18,0,21,9,2,6,4,101,48,40,1,11,19,1,5,2,4,2,7,2,1,4,26,35,0,3,13,2,1,1,6,7,0,3,4,10,50,13,62,40,19,41,0,4,3,0,34,21,0,26,21,254,76,2,0.0550551817730729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051924736480896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23860906579725,0.2675922877768931,0.0,0.0,0.04211706336374155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27736029658072336,0.0614597907005493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439570827648851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056759474943118914,0.047418947387999566,0.055879850597197016,0.0,0.11504189410948837,0.12619601613840575,0.0,0.048179160579938964,0.05634056570469052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385933853965594,0.19505019922895675,0.0,0.0,0.036363428323329006,0.0,0.0463863651543332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918777063793522,0.03933143285922875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014198747037146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737023083879676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704216745682244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787542153285578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048935575192707366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582954881569871,0.0,0.0,0.07777420612295875,0.05379436173935051,0.05517975565183154,0.0,0.04872210338363437,0.04623248668753319,0.0,0.0,0.09361189350307043,0.0,0.0,0.07349952268803782,0.11163462613084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096534822061667,0.05840484756299826,0.0,0.06447996349349598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268068935193134,0.0,0.0,0.07461363201747513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961939677193993,0.0,0.15267332379032986,0.1442161834406744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616744035561028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137606297837329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756418059827788,0.0,0.0,0.0877437037094518,0.05012016975818648,0.05743456167830521,0.0,0.0,0.04554221528723626,0.06188433103462535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271525060451969,0.16335294759276556,0.0,0.03896834102644646,0.0,0.043967139281653536,0.0,0.0,0.11511125950149302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188885726980806,0.11444682822964995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392330941630207,0.03657621641926696,0.10583141234813574,0.0,0.0,0.09630935770176766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03737885450687113,0.0,0.0537809127614973,0.0573143858510372,0.0662246049072687,0.0,0.0,0.18170516323143626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967873826446778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675922877768931,0.0
bpd,Klasjash,2019/03/04,"I wrote out a big then of thoughts, feelings and symptoms. Do you guys relate to these? Everything connects to abandonment issues. I feel like my greatest fear is being alone, being isolated. I worry im not good enough for the people around me and that they all secretly resentment me or hate me. I worry constantly that im too much, or that everyone hates me/ thinks im crazy / finds me annoying and wants me out of their life but doesnt know how to tell me. I over analyze text messages, body language, tone of voice, constantly. No matter what im doing, im looking for the reason someone might leave me before they do so i can prevent it. Im completely and utterly terrified of being alone. I used to cry and panic when people would leave the house, when someone is pushing away from me i spiral, and when i’ve upset someone i feel like all of my worries have come true and it just makes me want to puke. “I need you, im sorry, dont leave me” - is how all of my relationships feel
I need to make people happy and make things right so they dont leave me.
Idk if im impulsive, i feel like im not but maybe i am? I get really intense feelings and i have to do something about it right away. I HAVE to change my hair rn, its all i can think about. I HAVE to leave the server rn, because everyone hates me. Its all i can think about. Except im not really thinking logically, im just obsessing. I also get super lonely or uncomfortable and seek out people who probably aren’t good for me. Dating apps are a big one, i also used online chats, reddit anything really to just find people because i didnt want to be alone.
Self destructive sexual behaviour? What is self destructive idk, but for me i use sex and sexuality as a way to garner attention. I would flirt with guys, act sexually promiscuous, send nude or sexual revealing images to people i barely knew because they would pay attention to me, they would stick around for a while. And even while i knew they didnt love me, they were still *there*
I also have a big problem with not knowing who i am. Idk what my face looks like, what my voice sounds like, none of it. It doesn’t feel real, it doesnt feel like me. Obviously the person in the mirror is me because thats how mirrors work but thats not *really* me. I couldnt describe myself if i needed to, i can describe my time? I listen to podcasts, i like this person, i play this instrument. But who am i ? i have no idea. Im Kaitlyn? But even that doesnt feel quite right.
I feel like im crazy, like i see the world differently then everyone else. Like im an alien or like im experiencing psychosis and nobody wants to tell me, so they just let me go on in the world and pretend im normal when really im completely abnormal.
I also dissociate. Im in fight or flight somewhat constantly. And when i get stressed, or nervous im gone. It feels like im floating. Like i could stick my hand through the person im looking at because they arent actually there, it feels fake. Kinda like im half asleep. Even my normal still feels like im just a camera in a movie looking at someone elses hands and body and face. Because that just isnt me. It cant be.
I have the worst memory. I block out entire days, hours, years. I cant put anything to an i actual year because i feel like i live my life in this weird fog.
I feel broken. I thought for so long i might be a sociopath, because i didnt feel things really. I felt empty. Like a flatline of emotions. There was just nothing there to experience.
For so long the only reason i really knew i was upset was because i would get the thoughts that were like “oh hey, you could totally just hang yourself rn and it would be nbd” 
Im so paranoid about myself. I feel like im making up everything i say, or like im constantly lying. I dont trust me any more then i trust a stranger. Maybe im a total narc and i dont even know it. Maybe im the worst person ever, how would i know. I know nothing.",0.9820085470085472,3.284068852357322,3.1138329197684063,88.68878356768681,84.42183622828784,6.2621229666390965,21.238433967466225,7.554174236665415,0.9112770774744964,3069,99,641,54,90,1039,295,806,0.196,0.687,0.11699999999999999,-0.9964,3,5,1,0,1,0,102.0,0,3,10,3,46,52,8,7,26,0,65,14,9,13,10,152,130,60,0,22,30,0,21,20,0,9,3,5,0,8,34,28,0,3,43,3,1,8,25,22,0,2,17,32,111,30,62,93,15,60,0,2,5,3,37,26,0,14,45,401,145,2,0.0,0.0,0.04954060335792415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886789288131693,0.0,0.0811956125220566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017261418587191026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04177635424400673,0.0451927862132993,0.0,0.0,0.04769662700089181,0.0,0.0,0.13926004349137994,0.0,0.021599198803029674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638993498666885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0268520165999091,0.021865343952671232,0.05322751868159791,0.1097207096505425,0.0,0.04053277412774502,0.0,0.027882208327341063,0.01637003769808188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02651999868888501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899549350302642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240874459951108,0.02855263746398038,0.0,0.026227588656280082,0.0,0.06706134866244429,0.022960520584086336,0.0,0.07276408876292227,0.04562549329722339,0.024829600208149977,0.0,0.028563110882070912,0.21818629429843928,0.16320360514568702,0.024371813309595758,0.0,0.04639949505437315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530466118327707,0.0,0.0144258342495783,0.04258037904932597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050266636410230665,0.0,0.027020844818512725,0.0,0.07518184344368366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024997298627203453,0.02928875754838861,0.0,0.02865449693129183,0.7677086916239859,0.02649342330807297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974960196523405,0.0,0.0,0.13438550203457575,0.0,0.02595599990166216,0.035857751828163316,0.24801858728772735,0.0,0.022413794492022077,0.04492659401535822,0.08526184279757261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022909292077378258,0.0,0.06777382310709612,0.0,0.07650238501615275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385504099301835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01865954253365511,0.056463872444993214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049740213049909235,0.04871165141350673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017200285501151068,0.019305036274953963,0.0,0.029781668051108736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558491873127084,0.08865438167241818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02736733863269081,0.024288255151004624,0.0,0.025517085732025827,0.0,0.026998114136334288,0.0,0.028891592092312207,0.1138277116725241,0.05219623014805585,0.0,0.02725201344957394,0.0,0.06503123744097669,0.0,0.020185706890826396,0.0,0.0,0.020227091403049617,0.0,0.05296034152413048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602827320417135,0.019541195954219163,0.0,0.028414368419110124,0.0,0.0,0.04054204722998584,0.0,0.0290763229437982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026382821302548726,0.0,0.0,0.0443719996549274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372688598329783,0.06505801359735955,0.0,0.06045417890450245,0.014801124174511066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576869874693331,0.0,0.0,0.059886579476947435,0.020147970173934243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018479242108478247,0.07733349046336123,0.0,0.12622027543037392,0.0,0.0,0.032691844431633615
bpd,squirrelwhatthefuck,2019/03/04,"I’m not meant for love All I do is ruin every relationship I get into. I want to die. Happy Sunday, y’all. ",-2.5337499999999977,-0.8875202083333313,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,105.25,4.066666666666666,10.166666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.9776333333333334,81,1,18,1,4,32,20,24,0.368,0.466,0.166,-0.7946,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,3,6,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442203759624386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589907677342097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226092086494435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453570071623129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845538256913604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574504526123874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513130170898035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jimmywheelo,2019/07/05,"On disability, how do I explain to people why So a couple months ago I started getting disability payments. This is because working causes such an insane level of disregulation for me that every time I have ever gotten a new job I was in the hospital within a week. But now that I'm on it I feel unable to explain to people why/I feel like I need to because they might think Im just using the system and think badly of me. Even when I say that working has consistently led to hospitalization for an attempt or pretty damn close, I still feel as if they don't really get it and are judging me. And of course I'm not going to say all the details to a casual friend who asks how I have money without working in a year. If I just say that working makes me really disregulated they'll be like ""yeah work is stressful so what. It's stressful for everyone."" I just really don't know how to explain it to people and feel they actually understand me.",5.08563492063492,5.5911599576719615,6.972605820105822,73.12494047619047,68.47089947089947,9.262962962962963,30.564814814814817,9.2995712137729,2.7082941798941804,748,28,139,14,12,263,106,189,0.08199999999999999,0.835,0.083,-0.1779,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,6,14,8,1,2,10,1,13,0,0,7,2,36,35,15,0,3,9,0,4,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,11,5,0,0,11,1,1,2,4,4,0,0,2,7,20,4,22,30,1,21,0,0,0,0,13,7,1,4,13,99,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.12135669560382124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102369777499882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625911784756998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383478494306284,0.1516164973756271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775121307323814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376011523045471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821381162600256,0.11249006748249638,0.1047780374294976,0.11883059917663732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515191072740056,0.08884227791008692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607965332154488,0.0,0.12994515788378888,0.0,0.0706762315028296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432933750567608,0.0,0.1234073734314578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834459526483476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151130249305747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301076958320404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192551914036474,0.0,0.0,0.09926237232572713,0.0,0.0,0.09221081317094336,0.0,0.12010694515444302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586451511349123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265180721311579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390031729313231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966864172807226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802212204059746,0.0,0.0993134631263662,0.0,0.2849062170095279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936878070866614,0.0,0.0,0.07251488271400675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294623720993939,0.0,0.10740646948290004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099753494574731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221488642203667,0.0,0.0,0.1198778857901864,0.0,0.4526751003304452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008328410442432
bpd,HeyMumuYouSuck,2019/07/05,"I think I have BPD but my therapist doesn't want to diagnose me. This is going to be a long post so please bear with me. (Also, my first reddit post ever, Yay :).  


Im a 24 year old male who thinks he might suffer from BPD. I've felt down for a lot of times in my life but especially the last year or so I have been extremely sad at times, being stressed, having a lot of mood swings and just in general don't really enjoy life. I really, really, really dislike my job, I feel incredibely lonely at times, I don't have a lot of friends and I would say none of the friends that I do have  are really really good ones (like the kind you could call in the middle of the night if there would be something wrong), I don't have a relationship nor did I have one for the past couple of years and I dislike my current job a lot (even though it pays good). I don't really have any motivation to change the above since I'm constantly tired even though I think about it A LOT. Like a lot lot. I'm constantly stuck in my head. Also I am quite anxious a lot of the time, wondering if anything is ever going to change, I can get really shy with human contact although I have been bettering in this regard, and weirdly I can also be really loud and extroverted, as long as I feel that the people like me and don't judge me in a way.   


A couple of months ago I decided to take the step to visit the Doctor and he connected me to a therapist. She seems to hint at depression but says ''she doesn't want to label me"", not yet at least. Also therapy isn't really working for me, well again, not yet at least, since it's only once every 3 weeks and she asks me questions about my sleep cycle and that kinda stuff (yeah, I know sleep is very important and I should get it more but it's not the main reason I'm feeling like this). Okay until now you might think that I'm not fitting the BPD bill. The reason I think I have BPD is mainly due to my huge fear of abandonment of people I love, especially lovers but also really good friends, something I've had from a really young age. IN the past when I had relationships I became extremely scared of them leaving me. Weirdly, if I thought something was wrong I could, for example, ignore the girl for a couple of days just so she could tell me she misses me and she loves me etc. It's what I wanted to hear and I felt I couldn't deal with it if she wouldn't reassure that to me. I've also threatened suicide to several exes times when an ex broke up with me. Keep in mind though, this was all during my teen years (my last real relationship ended when I was 18). Especially this part, the pushing away, the fear of abandonment, in combination with the frequent mood swings and emotional instability makes me think I have BPD.  I did talk to a girl which I liked, and she liked me too for about 2 years when I was 20-21 and I was probably in love with her. I did the ignore thingy and other things like that often too but when she decided to break contacted I didn't really spazz out. It hurt me a lot but I accepted it (even though it was hard).  


Another thing is my real mother (I grew up with foster parents) is said to suffer from BPD too (among a plethora of other disorders), even though I've never really noticed it in her.  However, I don't cut (I despise pain lmao), I don't have frequent anger attacks (even though I can get  irritated REALLY quickly when I'm stressed, but it's barely ever full on anger), I don't really have impulsive behavior, the only thing I could think off is that I find it hard to safe money and spend a lot on clothing since I'm into fashion, and traveling. However, never to the point that I'm in debt or anything. I've visited the odd prostitute in my late teens but never used any drugs nor alcohol.   


Another criteria, not having a good identity, I don't really know. I kinda think I know who I am, although I find it hard to explain. But I think I know what I like and what I don't like. Even though I don't really know what I want in life, am kind of anxious about my shit job since I wanna change that and constantly switch between wanting to settle down, have a GF, have a stable job that I like etc. and wanting to travel the entire fucking world and do whatever I want. But then again, isn't this kind of normal for someone my age?  


So yeah, IDK. It's a really long and a bit of a mess of a story so thank you If you read untill now <3. I know I can't get any diagnosis from someone on the internet but I just wanted to see what you guys think. Also, it feels good writing this off of me.",3.5225777042372366,4.4254393779443255,5.165493478684059,83.23395302056973,72.2441113490364,8.786944390370515,24.96521964830316,9.13716189442758,1.7837350463954318,3545,101,749,73,66,1206,337,934,0.153,0.7020000000000001,0.145,-0.6136,9,2,5,0,0,1,108.0,0,5,1,5,55,66,7,5,52,4,77,18,4,5,7,148,139,76,1,24,27,3,9,10,5,6,9,5,0,5,47,32,1,6,35,3,5,9,30,30,1,3,19,15,114,34,101,105,22,109,0,10,1,5,57,38,2,25,68,520,161,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031064196642173962,0.03745114343792325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961714880216719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149291652099038,0.07349291792663935,0.0,0.07917899340590427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057676090205286086,0.0,0.03276120383537071,0.03986735895352466,0.03292478497912458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03099337570007973,0.0382587316149292,0.0,0.26481848565762145,0.0,0.03578361761646661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121501813426267,0.0,0.0,0.11360963028686047,0.0,0.11191842750125502,0.11632582842771112,0.0,0.022600339067977773,0.0361285985207904,0.030183156454078718,0.03556869914055876,0.0,0.0,0.04016320805078536,0.03586879386933301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063965925768305,0.0,0.0,0.039419535854008016,0.031038387627815214,0.0,0.07816615644345748,0.13887651752060778,0.09509731619709776,0.02952589616410565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886799073733194,0.07087675267498515,0.02503528350892133,0.06729504899831204,0.0,0.06405876028829569,0.029808221454988394,0.0,0.0,0.08122421273725526,0.03239741001890425,0.07323571490421764,0.0,0.03983237563553295,0.14696530055494966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03469885187897531,0.0,0.0,0.09417703102190246,0.0,0.03596502851829225,0.0,0.03949688708242838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037515091394848835,0.0,0.0378532960560026,0.0,0.13910217764000368,0.031148521921547656,0.0,0.10947811289081286,0.1155548704293199,0.057130716032813965,0.03953091035779411,0.03710630320854668,0.0,0.0,0.0742573747670887,0.17120620829481253,0.0,0.0,0.09303792788780037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29792968667634184,0.0948851392352174,0.0,0.023391995339341737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435182553700978,0.03538422804705553,0.0,0.02797161094245804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108377079192823,0.0,0.0,0.032886213697551785,0.034335464003638815,0.0,0.03989757591788378,0.036772552221625066,0.03732048210631594,0.047493144678290494,0.05330474780576621,0.037289052801675854,0.0,0.03891197065456805,0.03794899886201738,0.06690650679273608,0.04858988940245796,0.0,0.0,0.038467547105370536,0.03312769934974999,0.0,0.06712450868964011,0.0,0.03778312206082776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03925705386317666,0.03727337376557255,0.03505326344934883,0.07977498763811279,0.4265489147653256,0.07206168496206268,0.0,0.11287171519176685,0.0,0.0,0.033334659824526235,0.05573644098729797,0.03508493732173605,0.0,0.027925355609991282,0.0319025412550421,0.0,0.039589496702952136,0.035971936684887816,0.11595430814036695,0.0,0.07013817660730348,0.0,0.05938496232280253,0.08093524202651586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028506341886542,0.0,0.04011674406902091,0.038332207598942035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026348561386537062,0.028166863013411318,0.030629808428695775,0.032263604440123037,0.040075616645516836,0.08137705940149187,0.06984459104381338,0.22454639285310213,0.24101235218158054,0.027820846974959127,0.10217154996850987,0.040277670082118175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030266574399612656,0.0,0.02891478866798038,0.16535783567059215,0.027816121493463124,0.028110006591810874,0.0,0.03150856690298297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038003484656039935,0.025512289285674436,0.0,0.0,0.04978819186250681,0.07662974455958961,0.0,0.1128352271600256
bpd,dancingingraveyards,2019/07/05,"Struggling with BPD So, I've been diagnosed with BPD for awhile. I've been doing better, since I've been with my s/o, he's very understanding, but I still get these random moments of emptiness, and depression so bad it feels like I'm melting into the mattress and it's so suffocating. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be the toxic person here and I'm so, so terrified of being toxic. I've been called toxic for feeling this eay in the past by an ex of mine over and over and I'm just terrified if I show any negative emotion for too long I'll become draining. I'm extremely scared of him leaving me over that, even though he constantly reassures me he will. Can someone please help me make sense of this?",2.798061224489796,4.3833351496598665,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857143,75.05442176870748,7.621088435374148,25.855442176870746,8.344100000000001,1.6514993197278915,565,20,117,10,12,189,91,147,0.248,0.6559999999999999,0.096,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,2,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,19,23,13,0,2,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,9,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,2,10,3,19,16,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,2,6,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328029395710174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136574335345915,0.0,0.2002154902251804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603322113418151,0.0,0.0,0.4566452502684089,0.0,0.18511267045503735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195905123188109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614085623935342,0.1840008730556844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392168361075985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973730221687387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332669856736586,0.1295103316720775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947141433819496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151178762592965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962971919406054,0.0,0.0,0.19195507148744925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856689325159275,0.0,0.0,0.16043188132911235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100941752028788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305743477319818,0.0,0.1582914257300818,0.0,0.19899693895827006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814983188671652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996116281960406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360253787458214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477476097602396,0.0,0.0,0.18951886968606715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811199288842014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872450306390406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957944731417636,0.1069268305601764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ThatRobRobinson,2019/07/05,"I'm concerned I may have had a stress induced stroke due to FP One of the small ones.  Maybe it's just the aftermath.  I uncovered my FP  ihab full blown NPD.    This assessment fit the rest of my actual fact based reality. Glad I know this.  It was definitely a breakthrough in one way... but...

Unfortunately that means I tried to understand and empathize with her thought processes and I shit shirt circuited.

Anyone else had the misfortune once, twice,  or fifteen times being preyed upon by a narcissist?   

I finally see the pattern.  Will never happen again.  DBT helped me learn better how to handle that malicious behavior,  but I incurred some very very very very serious damage in this.",3.7940766550522618,6.836732780487808,4.529111498257841,78.23945121951222,78.91869918699187,8.71753774680604,27.48490127758421,9.23628265651192,3.0904754936120784,544,23,92,16,14,174,93,123,0.111,0.8270000000000001,0.061,-0.8001,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,8,0,7,3,2,2,2,18,14,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,4,2,11,2,10,7,3,13,0,1,1,0,2,6,1,3,6,59,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.17304893166194235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399356853831535,0.18169599428951225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683436579095314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813683016833304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425683192171295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568127246652287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886085764643532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745617360955153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815226432869385,0.1931648380895719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676816933559946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888511338292724,0.3604910915698597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130940362745165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202715092542146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313142275353732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407805633470783,0.10340280707886043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039573018557832,0.0,0.0,0.18460724454263686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5852647464548982,0.0,0.1407566512085409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,floridatits,2019/07/05,Therapists I’ve never found one that I truly feel Connected with and I also feel like it’s pointless after a few visits . It’s hard to open up once I’m in the chair compared to what I’d love to say the other times of the week . Idk just like everything I feel like they don’t understand or I’m super lame for being there ...,4.601521739130434,4.21387549275363,6.01576086956522,82.65668478260872,69.43478260869566,9.218840579710145,25.94565217391305,8.841846274778883,1.6522434782608697,255,6,55,4,4,87,52,69,0.076,0.675,0.25,0.9313,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,10,3,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,5,4,5,9,8,1,8,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,7,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399606550903428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802079968707064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36797655608238267,0.3466072041384712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659832046566612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217309551703509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555460346618449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894348172575884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709740251979384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25834634457725275,0.16438266104336435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291425212292912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28166123053999176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145394145210993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525407491235129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945879859844526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,emmiliooo,2019/07/05,"How do you guys cope with loneliness? Loneliness has been a huge theme in my life, a result of extreme childhood neglect.  Ever since I started dating as a teenager I have never gone more than a week being single because I can't handle being alone.  I have to have someone to tell my every thought to throughout the day, either a Favorite person or a significant other.  After my recent divorce I decided to break that habit and force myself to be single for a while and not emotionally attach to some poor unsuspecting soul, so there currently is no FP or SO in my life.   But it feels like I have no purpose if there isn't someone in my life that cares about me in that intimate/emotional type of way. It's like being needed by someone is what validates me.   I get panicky if I wake up to no text messages from specific people I've started to attach to and my entire day is then riddled with anxiety until I hear from them again.  I do so well putting on a calm and collected front but inside I feel so overwhelmingly alone. Hanging out with friends doesn't help.  I still feel like I'm the only person in the room.  I drink heavily to keep myself numb and I know that is probably making it worse.   Does anyone know how to cope with this?  I'm going thru therapy but it's a very slow process and we are tackling so many things that we haven't focused on this subject yet.",4.60248538011696,5.74541827777778,5.641734892787522,79.92464912280704,69.92592592592592,8.202729044834307,29.76608187134503,8.532816995589336,2.290444444444444,1085,42,202,17,19,359,158,270,0.11800000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.099,-0.7058,1,2,1,0,1,0,18.0,2,1,1,0,15,10,0,1,12,0,21,6,1,4,2,39,39,24,0,3,9,0,3,3,1,0,4,1,1,3,14,13,1,2,7,1,1,5,9,3,1,0,3,4,28,7,36,32,5,37,1,2,0,0,13,11,0,5,22,150,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26689917078491193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856978247940758,0.0,0.0,0.09009481094319144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854567254478813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313710093433381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619498737885566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275737193238025,0.0,0.0,0.12622379923063742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898774767950156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655206600811024,0.10856155577098632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545106680993626,0.18410071699705466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954907439015907,0.0,0.06731872848001584,0.0,0.0732283390318353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758160912412986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522314533477526,0.0,0.08636533833520617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452766686488527,0.0,0.0,0.14162501555693482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273031378535586,0.1888485845797804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860082753292959,0.13063352399304445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554053103429433,0.0993769475674826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799611702910924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932826219655543,0.2250134378868016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892193110788792,0.0,0.0,0.1295296876951028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722368219318114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658592731699973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275221790051361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824011738609009,0.0,0.10289965655500538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126204480807232,0.0,0.14735103271168495,0.0,0.08560211487752205,0.0,0.0,0.10229238813553172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631462039757933,0.0,0.10227501336661286,0.10335557746929801,0.0,0.11585148928554635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313090049766997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Pheeberino,2019/07/05,"Undiagnosed and have some questions... Since finding out about BPD I have felt very much like I fit into the category. The constant emptiness, feeling abandoned if someone says one slightly negative thing to me, being reckless and impulsive. But one of the things I struggle with most is anger. I will suddenly out of nowhere just have to shout at someone, then afterwards I feel much calmer but very guilty. Is this common with BPD?",6.408201754385964,8.709519907894741,5.4973684210526335,78.20991228070176,67.02631578947367,8.224561403508767,36.35087719298246,8.841846274778883,3.4328666666666665,347,18,56,6,6,104,56,76,0.196,0.722,0.08199999999999999,-0.8594,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,19,10,6,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,5,6,1,11,7,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,4,6,44,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982904402124672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213771302813075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004574946993747,0.0,0.1899365871658329,0.0,0.1808023396719461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966440277231541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908384191112068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26809359524186993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160176547740024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731304961473108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363733947135609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352216021968453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680263497525034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628433731222032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326441624456221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PillipVanHedgehaag,2019/07/05,"Going through FP like they're candy? Does anybody else feel like they go from FP to FP? 

I don't typically keep friends for more than a month. I used to think I just surrounded myself with bad people and that's why no-one stuck around. I realized I was lying to myself since I was the only thing in common between friendships.

I have awful attachment issues. When I befriend someone, they immediately become my FP because they're literally the only person I converse with. I have nobody besides coworkers and family members that I talk to. I obsess over making them happy, whether or not I'm annoying them, making sure I'm not burdening them in any way. 

I feel like utter shit about it all the time. I finally accepted that I was going to die alone a few years ago. I decided to stop attempting to make friends at that point.  I *still* somehow manage to befriend someone to just have them ghost me after a few weeks. It never gets easier. In fact, it probably gets harder for me each time. They always say the same thing, too! 


""You're not annoying! I love talking to you. I wouldn't be talking to you if I didn't want to!"" 
*Yeah, I guess you're right.*
""I know I am! Everyone else are just idiots. It's their loss. I won't leave like they did, I promise.""
*That's what they all said, too...*
""I'm different. I pinky swear!""

🙄🙄 Ugh, I just want someone to actually be my friend.",0.8587704248366029,3.391911584558823,2.9309313725490185,87.50655228758171,89.40441176470587,5.963398692810457,21.52614379084968,7.3871296695380915,1.098435947712419,1069,38,210,20,36,359,153,272,0.17300000000000001,0.705,0.122,-0.9323,1,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,10,2,11,21,4,1,7,2,15,2,1,4,5,40,38,6,2,4,10,0,2,4,3,2,0,2,0,1,12,6,0,2,7,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,7,4,45,12,29,27,7,26,0,1,0,1,23,9,1,4,17,133,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.11191768101872422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016628448138374,0.0,0.0,0.11878083941688995,0.0,0.0,0.09542852651282788,0.0,0.0,0.07799089265887663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209548307728493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575860880262482,0.0699119513185203,0.12666245598205667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902669383336804,0.11982319764803065,0.0,0.0,0.10036310902864544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916120526914593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958806209861906,0.0,0.0,0.10811641928985327,0.0,0.11597808871585688,0.16386441095228496,0.0,0.12563368026561195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658199930212589,0.0,0.119838140430611,0.0,0.19553729343690526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634033623530155,0.0,0.0,0.1220861308210547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970312422174695,0.0,0.10193881357264999,0.0,0.0,0.06302881414284932,0.0,0.0,0.12143666189597233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412052544646754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350922957302637,0.0,0.22966279985888094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915418343243252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884534576562359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444881534973136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950932133775447,0.10014000775526363,0.0,0.0,0.10841600691713246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365166622198526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794182004053699,0.10909332012346244,0.0912034715694926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772425532112545,0.09487002810468492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29152102073205993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158895132846302,0.09588322130597483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809086287215187,0.0,0.0,0.27654248938832243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238550245189314,0.07348661017404093,0.0,0.0,0.13374948077345086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905249093282037,0.0,0.0,0.1352903809180479,0.09103296876744488,0.09199475752672233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348691352913224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385447832718194
bpd,personadabes,2019/07/05,Do people with BPD always cheat? I read that they're basically attracted to anyone due to unstable identity and plus people with BPD are known as impulsive so they're more likely to cheat. Is this true?,3.647368421052629,6.460944526315793,4.883421052631579,76.97144736842105,77.42105263157895,9.06315789473684,22.657894736842106,9.516144504307137,2.556557894736841,164,5,28,5,4,54,30,38,0.19899999999999998,0.675,0.126,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25451687504536985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387858580233865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7704909446219058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943764159057132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42411770868416704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30596302973449946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,misterrdlk,2019/07/05,"Didn't got invited to a party by ""error"" So I was chilling, talking with some of my colleagues when they started to talk about this home party which everyone knew about except me. I didn't said anything and just left. Then I wrote my best friend about it, and she told me that she was invited and that she talked about it with the host and that it was an error because the host forgot to invite me. But now I'm feeling worthless and unwanted. And the thing is, I already had plans for that day so anyways I couldn't even attended it, but regardless I feel like shit",5.273021491782551,5.625589247787612,5.534032869785084,84.13849557522126,68.02654867256639,8.581036662452593,30.302149178255373,8.418075326091056,2.083554740834386,447,16,90,6,7,142,72,113,0.098,0.779,0.12300000000000001,0.217,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,11,5,1,0,5,0,8,1,1,0,0,21,18,12,0,3,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,11,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,12,3,15,3,13,5,2,7,0,1,0,0,11,1,1,1,6,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470259007388569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421086329312195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645790941369948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349185327767097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436581798840073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785192669705188,0.0,0.0,0.21389987789848375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263722757766871,0.15991968843768065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294725648448644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903464167464006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454149172994767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432155106515627,0.0,0.0,0.1093626260687101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293421388316408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978053773975785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584433747477972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5397705149733668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487171127208471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389987789848375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Alice_Liddell_,2019/07/05,"Been referred but still feeling uncertain Hey, I've added the 'person w/o BPD' flair as I am not currently diagnosed or have support as of yet. But I will explain further... I live in the UK and yesterday I went to the GP concerning my mental health. I was adamant with her that I didn't want counselling or CBT as I've had those in the past and they weren't useful to me. Also, I feel that what I'm experiencing now is much more intense and is really affecting my relationship and overall well-being and I really want a professional opinion. So she has referred me to the mental health assessment team for suspected BPD. However, she said that they may decline the referral, I'm assuming because they may believe I'm not severe enough. I was just wondering if anyone had any experiences with this? How likely is it that they will decline? What do I do if they do decline? I just feel like this is my only hope because I desperately want to speak to someone and get a professional opinion and get the help I need (whether it turns out to be BPD or not) because I can't live like this anymore.",4.841690140845074,6.0490627464788735,6.0137276995305164,77.2389014084507,69.4225352112676,9.43586854460094,32.97934272300469,9.725611199111238,3.2494277934272304,867,40,163,20,15,290,119,213,0.073,0.812,0.115,0.8945,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,5,1,8,6,0,1,9,0,23,3,0,3,0,45,43,21,0,7,13,0,3,3,0,4,3,2,0,1,12,10,0,0,9,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,9,6,27,5,16,29,3,11,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,13,9,116,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010967092201588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596881340910635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537303407064293,0.08839465004178261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311903592739941,0.0,0.0,0.14243019018255867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776584609070609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831196467085934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306239498204218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366140456735865,0.0,0.0,0.1917627493757788,0.09031329485588824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209674082119774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687535899831829,0.0,0.0,0.08473555555485217,0.0,0.0,0.12556194662562276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852848612484624,0.0,0.22325943916388924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25479992677875146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929320334984196,0.09373760505372078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614685218334773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068062008558038,0.0,0.11038362747241727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197366491274012,0.0,0.0,0.13572599768870613,0.0,0.0,0.1202528008352833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428167525107441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711385813453804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009578580095428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345804602075055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750686339945076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918486531442,0.0,0.0,0.22369445553204886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366527933192913,0.11719107744359845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709530847010726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maru--maru,2019/07/05,"Exhaustion I'm  tired of having to force myself to feel some sort of postive emotion  when I'm in the presence of others. It is completely physically and  mentally draining to keep up appearances, so much so that after most  sociel encounters I go home to sleep. Not only is it tiring, I hate the  fact I have to do it. But, I know the necessity since I can't have the  people who surround me know that I'm not doing so well. From 2011 my  life has been pretty turbulent, but since last year things started to  finally get gradually better. I came off my meds, finished therapy (I no  longer needed it, as my therapist agreed) and I am enrolled into uni  which begins this fall. Not everyday is going to be perfect, but I feel  like if I even slightly show I am having one bad day then people will be  disappointed in me. It feels as if they expect me to be perfect and to  never feel even slightly depressed, which of course is normal for any  human being as we all can feel slightly depressed regardless of one's  own mental health. Yet the overdramatize my emotions and it's  excruciatingly infuriating to feel trapped inside a box where I am  expected to show no emotion whatsoever.

I  don't actually know where I was going with this post, it's mainly just a  rant that I needed to get off my chest. Since I started to feel better  there's certain expectations I need to keep up so I can't talk about how  I'm feeling with anyone anymore. Is there anyone else who feels like  this ?",7.305641025641023,6.619115811188812,8.10194405594406,70.93548018648022,63.96503496503498,10.703589743589745,34.45128205128205,10.047579312681364,3.36144317016317,1166,44,213,22,15,394,158,286,0.14800000000000002,0.747,0.105,-0.9387,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,4,16,14,1,0,7,0,26,7,2,1,6,51,58,19,0,10,9,0,9,2,0,1,5,0,1,1,19,9,0,2,12,2,0,6,9,6,1,2,3,9,29,8,35,50,6,31,0,3,0,0,6,10,0,6,16,155,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0948053105108036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606597570854347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634763462421027,0.13586040264706073,0.09954262642220496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111698311633676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718442362490038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111480256601196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186092001887836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265432400277669,0.0,0.1673519373503417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115715045054879,0.32784521913684944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283345690661507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421019427745783,0.1388093125285736,0.0,0.10642411422198472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015147205619868,0.0,0.16563936682735994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591644737626406,0.0,0.10326691414779984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974503214884655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270445180580762,0.0,0.0,0.1601748599921627,0.07919098872950757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686205872731786,0.09492609127257552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791280149477732,0.0,0.1958106097497971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141712470119761,0.21610858959931292,0.07492879983325136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951873013939765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166399254604708,0.07388767331904482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470446902251232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304375264720803,0.09883743994464028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410928029627926,0.0,0.0972211086944363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752788126534862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780862515414468,0.0,0.0,0.11110057518902318,0.1127997378888548,0.06454277262445925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332144520589092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735036911016147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256202493375887
bpd,onlinetenshi,2019/07/05,"I found a way to cope with craving physical attention and feeling empty/lonely/abandoned Since my bf broke up with me 1 year ago I struggled to find happiness. It broke my heart because he was like a soulmate. He meant everything to me. I cry to this day because of it. 

But my pets are helping me every day. My dog is always there for me when I am having a panic attack or a meltdown. I also have a cat. He always stays by my side and we are cuddling every day for hours. It's helping me cope with the feeling of loneliness and emptiness. When I miss physical attention (a hug) or when I feel isolated a cuddling-session with my dog/cat is helping me a lot. It also helps with the fear of abandonment. A pet that loves you would never abandon you. My dog also motivates me if I am really depressed and I can't move. He will lick my face or he will try to play with me, bark at me etc. He will do it until I move. That helpes me so much. When I eventually move he showers me with his love. It's like he knows exactly what to do. 

If you want to buy a dog because of my post I have a few tips:

-Buy a submissive, family-friendly dog (I have a collie) if you are looking for a dog that:
is always by your side
always shows his/her love
is always there for you
always wants to help you
likes to cuddle, listen to you, licking you...
motivates you in a soft way


-Buy a dominant dog if you are looking for a dog that:
is a more independent 
is direct 
is more confident 

I have a submissive dog. It also depends on the kind of dog. Just try to look at different dogs breeds and then you can decide wich one is perfect for you. I don't have much knowledge on cats so I can't give tips on that. If someone knows more about it, it would be really nice to post it in the comments! <3",1.3744526397515529,3.2908289375000064,3.48502795031056,88.80376086956524,80.27717391304348,6.5970186335403715,23.557763975155282,7.6583078777640585,1.1279613975155285,1371,48,293,22,35,467,163,368,0.10800000000000001,0.74,0.152,0.9441,2,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,1,13,0,3,14,22,1,3,23,0,33,8,2,4,3,49,51,26,0,9,10,0,4,3,1,5,0,1,3,0,17,13,0,2,14,2,3,3,4,10,0,1,3,10,51,12,42,42,8,31,0,6,3,6,36,10,0,10,16,204,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780891177329859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28078057063089645,0.4382243963577456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985887776791183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605239218517761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641878571300497,0.16982648630927388,0.0,0.07560210182247684,0.0,0.0,0.09170816173069683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789442876030546,0.0,0.0,0.14791162160887575,0.0,0.07888820371809199,0.0,0.0,0.0987733982582228,0.13314789029934204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022648203320902,0.0,0.0,0.0962428229997452,0.06781620306627102,0.0,0.0,0.08420358573203819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344012553646212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401603051868756,0.3530099717134005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644254972361322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140611752227117,0.09647976008928452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865005565442286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211314269035259,0.0,0.0,0.07462476809644501,0.2376661953435763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798788099935714,0.12905221938902026,0.0,0.0676989444415044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947988848185125,0.0,0.0,0.10298726113382914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813198276524655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246423946979524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260994575004312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437306921632071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355847957229176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176345786987916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918948522046614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035461611555802,0.13934641015128213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247083603225203,0.0,0.0,0.056525435607724876
bpd,GlassyPurpleBlock,2019/07/05,BPD feels like somebody scraping fingernails on a blackboard but in the emotional region of my brain. Can u mods please stop removing my shit for not putting in any body its clearly a title only post so fuck off.,3.70525,6.376831025000001,3.9450000000000043,84.59000000000002,76.25,7.0,30.0,8.07648339933343,2.38975,171,8,30,3,4,53,37,40,0.258,0.555,0.188,-0.7774,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,1,5,3,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776275839922155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30669349930794715,0.3477480830396741,0.30822759657549353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310584089177246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960838957444868,0.1972514530538764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552571932781925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489231446475214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999240842651112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030834286038289,0.0,0.0,0.26443492980298866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756458017360786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834206681832732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308384671958717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oh-ohno,2019/07/05,"Am I overly obsessive? I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago, and I guess I never really thought too much about how much I struggle with romantic relationships. I’ve had a lot of relationships with people. Flings and such, but I did have one girl I did love. I met her in high school and we ended up dating my junior year. We dated on and off for a couple years, until it completely ended after she cheated on me with a married man. It broke me, but I know I shouldn’t have been in a relationship that was on and off anyways. It’s been a little over a year, and I am happy to say that I’m over it. We are friends now, but I still think I’m overly attached. We talk everyday still. I don’t think of her as anything but a friend, but I’m afraid to let her go. 
With this being said, recently, I met someone. She was really sweet and filled my head with bullshit about actually liking me and stuff. It made me feel special but now she doesn’t want me anymore because she “doesn’t want to get hurt by getting attached to me”. I’ve only known her for a month, but she has been the first person I’ve developed feelings for since my ex. I’m not sure if I’m overly nice, or maybe I’m too weird. (I’m a huge nerd. I attend science seminars and stuff like that). But, I will say I never said anything like “I love you”. I took it very slow. What changed it all though was when I said, “I hope that we can spend more time together.” And she just went off and told me that she wants that but she doesn’t want to get attached. Everything was fine, and then she started to go see an “old friend” and then stood me up and doesn’t talk to me as much. I’m trying to not take it personally because I understand how hard it can be to let go of someone that you love. 
Anyways, it still hurts to know I’m not wanted. But now, I just think I have a problem though, because I really put her up onto a pedestal and put a lot of hope into a healthy relationship. I did this with my ex as well. I honestly believe these people will fill this void inside myself. Why do I only find happiness in how others make me feel? I mean, I do have things in my life that make life fulfilling, and I’ve worked so hard to be mindful of my toxic behaviors. It just never seems to be enough for me. My goals and the things I accomplish don’t bring me any joy anymore. So, I guess my main questions are:

How do I make myself content with being alone? 

Why do I need everyone else to validate that I am wanted?

How do I fill this void inside of myself?

Why can’t I let go of the people I had romantic interest in?

(I am asking for advice, not because I want strangers to tell me that everything is going to be okay or because I need validation. I am asking, because I am struggling to fix my own flaws. I am very lost and scared within myself. I’m so very tired of being bitter and sad. I want to be a better person.)",2.297129243183079,3.65929480467446,4.012100375626043,88.52457237757376,75.91151919866444,7.061783528102393,23.4975306065665,7.720077496677588,0.9779774346132446,2224,66,488,31,48,748,240,599,0.10099999999999999,0.713,0.18600000000000005,0.9956,0,1,0,0,0,0,68.0,5,2,0,6,28,39,2,5,19,1,56,8,1,9,5,101,123,49,0,15,20,2,5,3,3,3,4,5,0,5,32,33,0,0,15,0,1,14,15,15,1,2,25,13,92,24,68,84,11,70,1,5,1,3,52,25,0,11,34,347,124,5,0.0,0.0,0.058429511547104386,0.0,0.0,0.058509305855444775,0.05307570985113418,0.0,0.0,0.0620126003783333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071715676827162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876012429008335,0.0,0.0,0.09854429729328984,0.0,0.1119503696921172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899602259428486,0.0,0.0,0.06745879292994499,0.0,0.052954706503863525,0.0,0.0,0.07541065828872617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633399719681238,0.0,0.06277795801073298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625071717279228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060772019219180004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001800673222893,0.0,0.10606322609639936,0.061867037959669885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057213273912857264,0.1076238522244818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082402814485384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054724804469416334,0.05092977395640763,0.0,0.0,0.1387781824132716,0.0,0.0938468874578776,0.0,0.17014214436843875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319184612785279,0.0,0.0,0.12747642598771616,0.1072727515589138,0.0,0.06144918023835488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326138577552617,0.0,0.11893907248796072,0.0,0.0,0.12819517780212147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581163566360483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367919966742507,0.08458318157167731,0.08775592500433374,0.0600106323682793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536080169378386,0.10180742665403247,0.16211898788960366,0.05665531682383253,0.1199013872888391,0.0,0.060152638249574814,0.06522159385356882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045683533248626,0.0,0.04779177532101842,0.0,0.13204537878436987,0.08879333350552883,0.1385382259119988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282890025074424,0.0,0.04057295277742093,0.0910755027987981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452967485350735,0.1568420204797949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057292434432074615,0.0,0.12038213137259858,0.06707387364473286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507266725665208,0.0,0.059119489500877975,0.2571340236661092,0.0,0.0,0.17086494331845653,0.09523024863808817,0.059945472753850426,0.06059685070616452,0.0477127443184352,0.05450808989753917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04952934471265007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146404447770144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237994097138039,0.0,0.14344912190429376,0.0,0.0,0.12518901893985473,0.13708544875027245,0.0,0.0,0.05643162244639645,0.0,0.045018662972536816,0.09625075877139047,0.05233352221155365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955678132425345,0.11509673981727653,0.11765406625767227,0.0475341828042329,0.034913682807473916,0.06881767957443001,0.0,0.057213273912857264,0.0665234972942904,0.040651298101295384,0.0,0.0,0.062332145151609376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820981383420592,0.28252732909077005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053834952631523735,0.05550486604259925,0.1620840358909776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043589823981679925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423053998059472
bpd,lowercasefour,2019/07/05,"I fucked up again. We've been together almost 10 years. I'm great at drinking alone and they're great at finding me. I can't put a finger on why I do this, why I drink alone. Because I'm bored? Because I just can't stand to be alone? Because I like to be drunk? I honestly don't know.

They're understandably pissed, and I'm an asshole. I mean, at least I was honest this time. Usually I lie and try to hide the evidence. Honesty doesn't matter anymore. I've fucked up too many times. They're definitely gonna leave me at some point. Probably soon. I deserve it.",-0.3162594268476617,1.9621945384615425,1.8189039718451487,94.28018099547512,95.06837606837608,5.146103569632982,20.55756661639015,6.794906146795322,0.4960712921065862,439,16,97,7,17,146,73,117,0.22399999999999998,0.5920000000000001,0.183,-0.2764,0,3,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,3,0,9,7,2,0,0,11,18,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,4,3,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,13,5,10,13,2,16,0,0,0,2,0,8,3,2,7,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329149997593344,0.4756465282389011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151818180141808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799557326779828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999280550209975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399159907052542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830473583115867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375512720521497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413095572550268,0.0,0.0,0.1620938385778271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478910344393781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520313526683402,0.0,0.1667533398771252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144713848767784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505042967695904,0.0,0.0,0.15389168894719704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852900769729566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039339784297639,0.0,0.0,0.15936582919259448,0.0,0.0,0.16860038406242475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27626897502960884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858106852830836
bpd,nootn00t596,2019/07/05,"How do you cope with this? How do you deal with your FP finding other people physically and sexually attractive? 

I’ve ended things with him but I just can’t process this normally without being angry and crying. 

Got a while til therapy starts, so please hmu with a good way of rationalising things.",4.622727272727276,7.166974909090911,5.6490909090909085,74.15363636363638,72.63636363636364,8.763636363636364,27.363636363636363,9.3871,2.759836363636363,240,9,41,6,5,79,44,55,0.066,0.716,0.218,0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,13,6,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,7,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045207319657236,0.0,0.28580876080262485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455407480063889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533803641181159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252477069335564,0.2217236770077879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27162350105598426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219422626733665,0.0,0.0,0.3043118864125268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622262662690426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170331205973841,0.0,0.3683544676942664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220049809289088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672368386367836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,stepharonii,2019/07/05,"i am completely alone. tldr: i have lost everyone tonight. i am completely alone.

​

this started a few years ago when i lost my first actual best friend. as the years went on i continually lost more friends that i grew attached to, that i considered like family and who up and left most of the time due to my depression and bpd. for a few years i have had the same boyfriend who has been like my rock and up until a year ago we were completely fine and he was my everything. we began having problems. i started noticing how manipulative he was towards me and how non-understanding he was towards my disorder. he started to become cold and i noticed everything. i noticed when he didn't smile as big at me. i noticed how he didn't hold my hand as tight and how short his hugs were. i know it sounds stupid but i knew. we got into it one night and i said i needed to leave so i could figure out how to ""make myself better"" so i could support him emotionally without my emotions getting in the way. this turned into a downward spiral.

​

i didn't speak to him for months. i was inconsolable. when i finally started to slowly come out of my shell again and feel somewhat myself a lifelong friend of mine left my life because she started dating someone who did not like me. i friended my ex on facebook and we got to talking. we were friends for a bit but then decided to get back together which resulted in so many nights on the floor crying. so many nights being yelled at through the phone and through text. so many days being told i was selfish, i was manipulative, i was crazy, that he hated me, etc. this resulted in him breaking up with me several times. i always came back, begging him to love me. i told him always that i would change and i would be better. i told him i would die without him and that i would do anything for forgiveness even when i was not in the wrong.

​

one of my close friends i had made within the past few months, that has been my closest friend by far, pushed herself away from me because of her own issues and that she felt she could not help me adequately. she and my ex were the only people i talked to. the only people i hung out with. i leaned on my ex more than ever during this time, but he began accusing me of being overly attached and became suspicious of how upset i was. he accused me for months after months of cheating with his guy friends and then he started accusing me of cheating with her when she was my only friend and i am straight and i would never cheat. it got to the point where i had to use the life360 app (real-time location tracker lots of parents use) so he could constantly monitor my activities. he began getting angry because i was working a lot since i am leaving for school and i come from a very low-class family while attending expensive schooling. i would cut hours, skip shifts and call out in order to be home at a certain time for him. 

​

tonight, he left me again and for a final time. he said his goodbyes. and i am too afraid to even open my phone to say mine. i feel like there is a part of my soul missing. i am so alone. i don't want to say goodbye because saying goodbye would make it true, it would make it real. and i am terrified of that. i have no one.  i feel like im running off the rails. i am 18 on the verge of 19 and have endured this for 3 years of my life and i feel like there is no way to recover. i have changed myself so much for a man that claimed he loved me. for a man that became happier when i acted like a version of me, not actually me. i feel so stupid. i feel so scared to even post this. every single person i know has told me how idiotic i am. every person has told me how much i have ruined and how much of myself i have ruined. how can you say you love someone when you can so easily leave? how can you say you love someone when the night before you told them you hated them? 

​

i""m sorry this is so long and if it's formatted weirdly because i don't post on reddit much. it feels like i'm just talking to the void and at this point it's better than keeping it all inside. i hope anyone that reads this never feels like how i do. i hope they never devalue who they are and they're lives because of an so. life goes on. but i don't know how to at this point.",2.773386868209734,4.492559712643679,3.9639222169737054,87.87014879546531,75.4367816091954,6.744134781924107,25.48102660998268,7.513576367104585,1.2171862698787597,3370,118,696,43,73,1099,323,870,0.13699999999999998,0.721,0.142,0.9263,1,3,0,0,0,0,99.0,5,7,4,9,48,57,9,3,31,0,74,9,1,23,7,135,138,77,1,18,12,4,11,9,9,8,3,10,1,5,36,51,0,3,16,2,1,9,17,23,0,4,46,22,144,34,99,75,22,127,1,7,0,5,98,49,0,7,72,503,180,4,0.0,0.0,0.07590460678111026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894959035607907,0.0,0.0,0.12083898844670694,0.0,0.0,0.06472136229703596,0.21069356275473816,0.23628596126063275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027193704615505944,0.0,0.0320042301335081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036539661125351314,0.0598100256176564,0.0,0.14224667074484645,0.04295239066666864,0.03309363594314714,0.0,0.040814025032000406,0.1031885960011262,0.042459232131102205,0.0,0.04898223699761615,0.0,0.039712370555308234,0.04448129198085756,0.0,0.0,0.08228368744604445,0.06700283090499609,0.12233037957584685,0.042027684148282896,0.0,0.12420616921783738,0.0,0.04272027217725235,0.02508167422765362,0.0,0.03349702387501577,0.0,0.040363034283947816,0.0,0.04457280473701361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874949666482157,0.0,0.0,0.04337408535433165,0.07706202017248293,0.03517941180152975,0.06553520340028146,0.037162308429656885,0.06990599413775564,0.0,0.07332652194075548,0.0,0.15731689826076753,0.13891977976060946,0.037341751622239655,0.08520704693148146,0.0,0.03308092403352916,0.0,0.0,0.2704259308427833,0.0,0.060957304806310016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933147878185849,0.0,0.0,0.03850850627879267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679422368546247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026068021844085063,0.0,0.039011149762712034,0.07725568200951384,0.03830010121554908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200928301402405,0.04059241797997035,0.0,0.03456837869375783,0.0,0.0,0.0641209321419765,0.0,0.0,0.1235408291092398,0.12676654952556113,0.0,0.08241023629366093,0.17100294364423774,0.0,0.03434173469987465,0.03441758094983805,0.0,0.0,0.12736336022932193,0.06612799322600207,0.14040368416214347,0.036799892996755186,0.07788074393991719,0.11828903664350003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417067393036756,0.0,0.11435833580786975,0.028837409752637037,0.08998611560808108,0.0,0.0,0.1459874201111796,0.0,0.0,0.1771120333434855,0.0,0.0,0.0790612640335681,0.08873576953182576,0.0,0.0,0.04318419155475183,0.04211549321715044,0.0371261511174278,0.05392466781513723,0.06791677456620039,0.0,0.0,0.11029456157753503,0.0,0.07449423898380042,0.0,0.0,0.03721372635122326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890182938442762,0.08853363860762974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398907385359252,0.15463963297712316,0.03893698079283591,0.07872015362163341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393610450504897,0.0,0.03217128925944338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885742916435536,0.0,0.0,0.04353563169595851,0.16516479445045318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413339185529826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377807297391252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338916305355665,0.0,0.0,0.2229738505779413,0.0,0.0,0.04230257175204469,0.0,0.040487219919181985,0.0,0.0671792008778965,0.0,0.03208939952406769,0.02293909923654731,0.061740215089463465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605262922662995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497966006227043,0.0,0.028313333120368975,0.0,0.0,0.221018136926748,0.04252153658869675,0.23628596126063275,0.1252236260933357
bpd,chronic-neurotic,2019/07/05,"CW: my boyfriend died today this morning my (28 F) boyfriend (29 M) died in my arms. he was not feeling well the last few days and admitted last night that he was withdrawing from alcohol. he was jaundiced, but did not want to go to the hospital. he was not sleeping well overnight and was physically very restless. around 6:30am he went to take a shower but he was feeling weak so I told him to make sure he was sitting down in the shower. he was taking longer than usual, so I went to check on him and found him sitting on the edge of the tub, dripping wet and delirious. he was not making sense and saying things like “you were in the shower?” etc. I had to physically dry him off and walk him back to bed. once back in his bed, he was breathing very fast, almost panting. I told him we should go to the hospital and began to dress him and he said “I don’t deserve you.” he then had a seizure for about 30 seconds and was unresponsive with no pulse or breathing. his roommate began administering CPR while EMT’s were on their way. they worked on him for about 20 minutes before telling us there was nothing they could do. his body laid on his bedroom floor for about an hour, I was able to sit with him and hold his hand and tell him how sorry I was this was happening. police came and carried him away in a bag. he is being examined tomorrow. I will never feel his love or hold his hand or giggle with him again. my heart is broken.


I just needed to write this out. thank you all.",2.4300287787787798,4.4436937871621645,3.196366366366366,91.67245745745748,77.34459459459457,6.006806806806807,23.462962962962962,6.937597516519254,0.6571290290290293,1155,37,245,12,27,364,163,296,0.102,0.826,0.07200000000000001,-0.6419,3,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,2,3,3,1,14,9,0,1,11,0,28,11,8,3,3,49,52,22,2,4,10,0,6,1,0,2,2,2,6,0,5,19,1,2,6,0,1,6,7,2,2,1,29,8,40,7,38,19,3,43,0,0,0,1,49,16,0,4,18,161,45,1,0.12501918792629768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360749113033124,0.12518865772390675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129358286144704,0.0,0.0,0.1174596424367647,0.1922640770827924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638212082699368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886813422766114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298864549600074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998176486552405,0.0,0.0,0.08062703363309545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595003581664882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942944186766934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964037346548787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707708665913962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210257113366265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055405500101642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814833963658355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311871690974907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381464849733671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061078060257685036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128346981784663,0.0,0.1669025574614156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270014373497153,0.09642250491722323,0.0,0.0,0.11732203883677945,0.0,0.11995928260142677,0.0,0.0,0.1331413549566057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189218768238754,0.09942027614176882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251094752886609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994874541181998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782910507922012,0.0,0.187997740981334,0.0,0.2185445613826977,0.11510087138491093,0.0,0.0,0.08305719329020106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850357204417945,0.23892238328635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038268986873113,0.0,0.1376909729229857,0.20630784621548612,0.07373955617439798,0.09923441221169232,0.0,0.0,0.22481452829324824,0.23178807944264926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101545778168657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sprinkle_It,2019/07/05,Does Prozac make anyone else tired? I take Prozac for depression but I’m finding I’m sleeping in way past when I should get up but I’m falling asleep super early because I feel tired/groggy. Does anybody have experience with this and a solution?,2.4290070921985816,5.317635765957449,3.2820212765957457,85.4841666666667,84.95744680851064,5.686524822695036,24.854609929078013,7.1686216300943375,1.4423929078014184,199,8,35,3,6,63,36,47,0.127,0.696,0.177,0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,8,9,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,8,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954219158712532,0.2777487362144427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524502086153636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334768067347644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744397411998364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264486761359657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26516371324916244,0.0,0.0,0.13706384479255668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477579642515808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162568517965354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809449049271312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587720999212282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712711231740524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038149318128153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31156124468945445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516699991005775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,MagmaCoon,2019/07/05,"Feeling helpless I feel like my own life is so pathetic and just drags on. I'm agnostic and I dont really believe in an afterlife, so I've got nothing to look forward to after death except my entire exsistance and mind process will just vanish. I hate living but I hate the exectenial crisis of returning to the state before you were born is worse. I want to believe there is something after death, something better but I just cant make myself believe that. I feel so helpless in a situation where i hate living but i cant die.",4.181730769230768,5.7818775576923045,5.591538461538463,78.12846153846156,71.5,8.276923076923078,30.30769230769231,8.841846274778883,2.673696153846154,422,18,75,8,8,142,65,104,0.32,0.58,0.1,-0.9845,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,8,7,3,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,16,19,9,3,1,7,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,4,13,2,11,16,1,10,1,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,6,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457139061993192,0.5345323073511977,0.0,0.1398681092224258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641315466986521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534702588089955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398915210238823,0.11298019945052952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648454810388998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684120607365949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170385466667153,0.07726260241240716,0.0,0.2792932757707381,0.0,0.13280359212303244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556430479578602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596833181751174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517462460040298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013129738914708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777637770832961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24349846843087536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327915763423447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611652340512661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,barmour,2019/07/05,"So glad I discovered this group. Warning: rambling post. So I want to start by saying I don’t have a formal diagnosis of BPD - yet. Ten years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I’ve tried therapy, various medications and it still felt not specific enough.  I’ve been on Zoloft for the last three years and i believed it was helping me at first but I find myself constantly thinking about death (I.e. who would be at my funeral if I died, would they pay attention to me then, etc). I’ve done research and discovered BPD, and for the first time ever connected with symptoms and feel kike maybe there’s actually a name for what’s in my brain. I’m in the process of a chapter 7 bankruptcy because when I’m bored, or sad, or happy, shopping is my vice. Same with eating. I buy so much food all the time like junk food and I’ve gained 100 pounds in 6 years. The impulsive factor suits me. In the past I have made up lies to get attention and have had sex with much older men on a whim (I do have an estranged father so I’ve always just chalked this up to that). I also just don’t feel normal; I’m always self analyzing and even when I’m out with people or when I get the courage to go on a date I’m always thinking if they’re looking at my
Flaws.  I’m sorry for rambling but it just feels good that maybe I finally have some kind of name for what I have- not just generalized anxiety and depression.",2.8186578947368446,4.5668457824561415,4.194934210526316,86.13766447368424,75.3859649122807,7.978070175438598,25.910087719298247,8.72156446121922,1.8305350877192983,1108,40,232,23,24,366,158,285,0.135,0.78,0.085,-0.9281,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,3,18,10,0,0,13,0,18,9,1,1,2,50,37,26,3,6,13,1,4,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,10,16,3,0,9,1,3,1,4,4,0,4,7,6,23,6,33,27,8,37,0,3,1,1,10,13,0,6,23,146,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.10915878974911693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915674629171548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945404572296399,0.2792283319363729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114450681000584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818854648759276,0.0,0.0,0.12602741318884098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817663873963877,0.12487225756042432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088044012439066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268894163108727,0.11353509370393695,0.1160925577480058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447116157708045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446025053762485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155808222630079,0.1247529725674573,0.07388218110756087,0.10118337158151126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967865604078122,0.0,0.1074027147245616,0.122536674855042,0.10223760676696246,0.19029536068586428,0.2705220358498475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688400131344442,0.0,0.06357236291323648,0.09382248759672428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190765763217438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497710182096662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164845131245862,0.0,0.09118046702419616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054648928330590416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393385365454776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584421559568598,0.0,0.0,0.22475591589522464,0.0,0.0,0.11268673344449835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644592873066139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959861387160212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678260242380418,0.07754933100830481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713053285689124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889552078529771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166939115316464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521761375033671,0.07917476876980939,0.0,0.08933118512108146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162649079078198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792114980397148,0.0,0.0,0.1433501723114043,0.0,0.0,0.1304524121471035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594529519369031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659776637225014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892363693485645,0.0,0.0,0.21610165788903687
bpd,midnight_resolutions,2019/07/05,"DAE feel like they ""lack agency""? Don't know how to quite put it into words. But I feel like I can't make decisions. Like... Things just happen to me. People come and go. And I can influence it, but can't be the one who does anything or initiate anything. 

​

For example, if someone is toxic for me and I want to get away, I can't be the one to cut them off. I always drive them away and force them to cut me off. I can't ever block someone and keep them blocked. Even if I know that keeping in touch is harming me (I feel this also ties into emotional self-harm for me, because I feel like I deserve it.)

​

Is this a BPD thing? Anyone found a way to get over or manage this?",0.4381249999999994,2.593671006944448,2.2602777777777803,94.88750000000003,85.45833333333334,4.988888888888889,20.11111111111111,6.322622252153567,0.06320277777777772,531,16,118,5,16,175,81,144,0.105,0.8029999999999999,0.092,-0.5901,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,5,1,5,7,2,0,4,0,11,0,0,3,1,34,27,13,0,4,7,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,4,8,0,0,4,5,3,0,2,1,5,21,4,17,24,1,14,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,4,5,82,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120996572497996,0.10530803712797213,0.2742553585614723,0.30756844291447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849367669839532,0.0,0.20829615048482905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23781452391389105,0.0,0.0,0.07714978564769147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939785719227118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902021147576657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075348638487648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423629365836595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359166941136345,0.11448074245202898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25597010283668004,0.27124341278910225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387664793926831,0.0,0.0,0.13224472600567191,0.0,0.07192694997195548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191656730511076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498464047953246,0.0,0.0,0.1391081040949532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473232426122035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447976560133368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715206279707268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774075079458117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272277302736355,0.0,0.13461211124604638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202965490245955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144677110480121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816164658909924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464835189957647,0.10045741671954828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30756844291447,0.0
bpd,cthulhu_flavored_tea,2019/06/27,"I impulsively booked a ticket to meet a “famous” person Hello everyone! 
A couple years ago, i met the singer of a quite famous band and he liked me a lot. We kept in touch, texted sometimes etc
Last year he came in my city for a concert and we spend the night together. We kept in touch again, texted etc.
Yesterday I saw that he’s doing a European tour again and texted me if he can see me. I used to live in Paris, but now I moved again to my hometown in Greece, so I told him that I’m not in Paris anymore etc and he said that he would love to see me.
Soooo I bought a plane ticket to go see him in Paris and now I’m afraid that he will think I am crazy.
I texted him that I booked the ticket and he didn’t respond yet.
I feel bad now. I’m kinda manic mood , didn’t eat anything and can’t sleep.",0.6926661849710989,2.3311730751445094,2.336701589595375,97.56782695086709,81.25433526011561,5.4810693641618515,17.170881502890175,6.322622252153567,-0.5373812138728318,614,11,151,5,16,201,92,173,0.051,0.9,0.048,-0.1134,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,11,0,8,3,1,1,0,22,27,10,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,5,11,1,2,2,7,2,3,4,2,0,0,10,9,23,2,14,15,4,23,0,0,4,1,23,7,0,3,14,83,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128289203778374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806452580220254,0.0,0.0,0.13115814517108734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307765697412555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229101986473387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635360785569112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630879977823157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332605621039809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229672526340468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058853663202156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058069795507212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991793862048615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786619599837025,0.0,0.1407375901999054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550122748192406,0.14384884992604072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939828097152346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956959720808466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916657487066542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695228143919196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160917242942085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38102144219690426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949751650559962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763328129442686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212581430761387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229672526340468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376552309564175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322069288791915,0.0,0.0,0.2052740960989881
bpd,transjeweli,2019/06/27,"BPD Nonbinary Issues This is my first post here. I hope there are a few trans/nonbinary folks here... Or at least folks who are open to this. I'm an assigned male who lives as an nonbinary fem and my BPD is bringing up a lot of stuff.

I transitioned almost three years ago and I've been struggling with being myself in relationships with men. I just want to be whatever they want me to be. It makes me feel so good to mould myself into the person I think they want me to be... In the moment, at least. I'm so sensitive to what other men want, I feel sometimes like I don't have an actual persona or core person. This leads to dysphoria and some bad coping behaviours from me. I want to be true to myself and to the men I date, but I can't seem to do it.

I guess I'm just asking if anyone can relate to this and if you wonderful folks could off some support/guidance.",2.7240303272146846,4.057729547486037,4.36067438148444,86.57146648044693,74.75418994413408,7.572386272944933,22.282920989624905,8.192908349453996,1.0165144453312052,675,17,146,11,14,227,102,179,0.024,0.865,0.11,0.8632,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,2,7,6,0,1,8,0,16,0,0,2,1,36,34,13,0,9,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,11,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,1,2,22,4,24,27,6,16,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,12,6,106,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.15235579369545404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839567859129084,0.0,0.15633695851904084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916645579003784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595610144020862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303581231714008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39326875725850297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465336621547998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578833084884051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132800119809372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309505134413279,0.0,0.0,0.17198964477882211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550676730858486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295427436151572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627494652101934,0.0,0.13786152037296906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273216634253654,0.0,0.0,0.10421486529599673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27264521965335536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952490220844195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762016840656432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421306302118881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544119363544722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632160858230041,0.1787261419394861,0.0,0.17716916613445374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000388027802442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604338022488375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931125270646244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005395891076316
bpd,minmelancholia,2019/06/27,"How do I know I'm in love? In short: I have never been in love and I don't have any feelings I think. But I do show signs of care, commitment, sexual desire and we understand each other. However i don't really seem to be romantic but then my actions defi this: needing hugs and holding hands. I don't know whether I am just liking this person as they say or if I love them in a different way?

Background:
I met this person approximately 8 months ago (online and we actually met irl 3 months later). Since I was very skeptical on finding someone online etc, I made it clear to them that I only wanted friendship. They understood but during winter I felt so low. My feelings were all over the place and I felt like I was losing a soulmate because they started dating someone. I shared my sentiment with him and he was clear that he didn't feel that way and that we perhaps needed time to see & figure out. Well after that week, my intense emotions of losing someone dear disappeared and never came back so far. 

Then he actually started liking me and we met irl. By this time he had contact with another girl but he realised he was falling in love with me and told her to be friends only. 
I did have  manipulative behaviour, I think during the time  when he was dating her as in that I would always say I really like him but my feelings were not sure?

Fasr forward to present time: we are now together for less than a month after months of me coming back and forth of ""I like you or no maybe not or actually maybe I do"". 
They know about my bpd and understand me fully. He is really patient in my emotional outburst and mood swings every day. 
He really loves me and he has told me this, shown me and proven. For him, I'm the one. His personality& interest is all I wanted and vice versa for him. 
But now I am realising I don't love him but he thinks I do because of my caring and affectionate actions. But then why do I question myself on this matter. I'm very confused.",4.211452320058459,5.3742480690537136,5.609524113993427,79.71700447570332,70.86700767263427,8.450164413591523,28.03078187796858,8.841846274778883,2.169342637924735,1549,55,299,28,28,522,187,391,0.06,0.706,0.23399999999999999,0.9976,2,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,5,1,6,2,11,27,1,1,6,0,32,8,1,3,8,85,74,39,0,7,16,0,7,5,1,1,0,2,0,3,14,29,0,1,19,1,0,7,10,5,1,1,21,10,64,21,34,50,5,54,0,3,1,7,51,16,0,7,36,204,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.22881283030575264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928236017475756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503372551609184,0.1693683425922156,0.0,0.05315012702465401,0.08195548831889876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201973707314014,0.0,0.09528879504876037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984372776780384,0.0,0.0,0.089391942030142,0.1593746005233838,0.0,0.0,0.06732620512340774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040545066771448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165848547661418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758344831780607,0.0,0.0,0.0871668414054482,0.0,0.0,0.06585149444189528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580761531807597,0.0,0.15008789302953396,0.0,0.07143500528542181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038468472880305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886079503762934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909202791217855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487764252845905,0.0,0.0,0.4232439336803203,0.0739549989442089,0.0,0.0,0.15704045260470068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24953991198375894,0.0,0.0,0.11590634831454745,0.12056055136493447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296189039323115,0.11888537724133015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648911945967626,0.08165848547661418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755485861996921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002800904973052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430877333870932,0.0,0.0,0.062281814903042826,0.07115211699120917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465311362252497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866908499222402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064128366062342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736629995631349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502414909819715,0.0,0.0,0.18229825689221246,0.0,0.0,0.14936665608902575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273048982186292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897708741337788,0.09219923872982692,0.1240763809329311,0.06269364128878231,0.0,0.0702734374852367,0.0,0.07052544742013203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552120791665721,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OkRabbit5,2019/06/27,"is there any hope cross posted in /Adultchildren 

​

​

im 45 m suffering with bpd depression. I dont have any money or a job. but im very smart and a talented photographer. i met my GF on bumble and it didnt take long to tell me she was an adult child. I had never heard of it and I felt really bad when I started to read the laundry list.

She is beautiful sweet and very generous. great career , an overachiever and had a Alcoholic dad that i dont know anything about. Our relationship started sexual and I wanted more. My mom had thrown me out and she took me in. I went on a bad alcoholic bender and about 4 months later I quit ( coming up on a year ).

It didn't take long before the back handed compliments , put downs , snarky comments started to make me feel like i was insane. I couldn't make heads or tails of why someone who said they loved me was being snarky, cold. I tried to leave but couldnt and stayed. things would seem to be good and then suddenly bad. I was invited to thanksgiving with her mom and sister ( dad has passed ) then uninvited and when i got upset i was invited again. by January i was dumped. we stayed in touch texting all the time and once in a while shed agree to meet and then cancel ,WE HAD ABOUT 2 DATES DURING THIS TIME . she could very well be busy shes a workaholic with a 14 yo boy , ex husband . takes him every other saturday. after a date in march or april i finally saw her june 2nd after i had my car totaled the same day this was a pre planed date so she took me to dinner.

one of my issues with her was communication almost exclusively by text and sometimes being in mid conversation and she would suddenly vanish and i would just stare at my phone wondering when she would come back.

only for her to respond "" good night sweetie "" and then thats that. i would text questions ,or just anything, when the response came nothing i said entered the conversation as if i hadn't said it. i felt disrespected and ingnored.

so a few days after my terrible accident left me stuck in bed for i week i got upset with the texting issue

I told her i couldnt handle the disrespect and blocked her everywhere ( my borderline issues ? )

anyway she totally blocked me back everywhere , i tried to make contact a couple weeks later.

and was stone walled, I said i was sorry and that i loved her she said she didnt want to talk and that she appreciated the words , but "" im not as wonderful as you think i am."" Now my blocked in IG, FB, WHATS APP, PHONE and anything else you can think if. I can only email. the other day when returning from a work trip at midnight i got a very nice email explaining that the trip was great. again i was like what , why? I love her I want to be in her life, but how ? HELP I LOVE HER

CONVERSATIONS NAMES OMITTED

[https://imgur.com/a/CxpAljW](https://imgur.com/a/CxpAljW)

MY WORK

[https://www.instagram.com/craigjohnstonphoto/](https://www.instagram.com/craigjohnstonphoto/)",4.256255319148934,6.388980722522522,4.621084914701939,82.9639562967223,72.4054054054054,7.822503354418249,24.601303431090663,8.593345894127513,1.6241217174621423,2331,71,447,43,47,734,268,555,0.111,0.7170000000000001,0.172,0.9940000000000001,1,0,2,0,0,0,101.0,3,2,1,3,22,26,1,2,27,0,45,10,2,4,4,87,91,50,0,15,13,7,5,2,1,5,3,6,1,3,18,35,3,3,11,1,1,13,11,9,1,1,40,15,84,17,51,37,6,84,0,2,2,4,71,20,0,12,50,291,102,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373049893079961,0.06432658515193536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920695424502855,0.15611606053783808,0.08737013290202121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859091783319454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481886428569323,0.16091191084692155,0.0,0.0,0.05466308752277857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090740807876147,0.0,0.0,0.07347288043093933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067329127345896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129001774304602,0.07107979072781886,0.0,0.12428749949501612,0.0,0.055329391759135337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057644349427832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053663863620929064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054124553818247004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03248142404635472,0.04589271540150485,0.12335999832034347,0.07037123802254132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776209839783077,0.15413460226793485,0.14164856269405476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592826550611355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043058386272723785,0.0,0.0,0.0638043235045693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081690677424905,0.20114806066752025,0.06374779666353089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03530435208892799,0.0,0.0,0.06802036063002627,0.06979641043956576,0.0,0.0453742623610193,0.062768354825658,0.0,0.0,0.11369988133158868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319146463404873,0.0,0.1286411057896574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047306434512944,0.05127536022695333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954546670513742,0.0,0.0,0.06028442399372059,0.0,0.0616395378568881,0.0,0.0,0.06841297656332818,0.043530351303323216,0.09771407700365282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152368861055131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645784458681088,0.07196294780533673,0.06832662125307162,0.0642568893937902,0.0,0.04115347202336319,0.0,0.0,0.06896918769769575,0.0,0.0,0.30553240105865165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058481232931941185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442992435133179,0.0,0.06353451331325105,0.07191086678550436,0.13640715740991904,0.13694153056219358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490033977692215,0.0516332809878914,0.05614815907796025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267787285047775,0.08232416220067737,0.0,0.0,0.07491714424826952,0.0,0.0,0.061383600210283926,0.14274490806878895,0.08722881457473204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212017278216388,0.1136703737916786,0.0,0.10305811252288746,0.0,0.05775903009337144,0.0595506649745946,0.1159323233830325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933000638587478,0.09353424985270034,0.0,0.0,0.2281695071165576,0.0,0.15611606053783808,0.041368135219830134
bpd,fetchingmorbid,2019/06/27,I am not a human being. I am just a collection of bad habits. That is all.,-3.3584313725490205,-1.9990413529411768,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,109.58823529411764,4.6196078431372545,11.549019607843142,6.42735559955562,-0.7192980392156865,55,1,14,1,3,21,14,17,0.226,0.774,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,purplesatsuma123,2019/06/27,"How do you cope? What do you actually do when you feel like you’ve pushed everyone away and you need to vent and if you don’t then you’ll explode? When you just want to cease to exist? When you want someone to listen or even just distract you but no ones there? When you’re not even a person, just a small consciousness floating around in an empty body? 

Therapy was a fucking bust and living in the uk I’d have to wait 8 months for any more and medication makes it all worse. 

How do people cope? There has to be a better way than just sobbing until it passes",1.4234927536231898,3.659778008695653,2.717934782608697,92.64530797101452,81.95652173913044,5.5724637681159415,19.14855072463768,6.816661863887847,0.10794202898550777,441,11,95,5,12,142,77,115,0.127,0.807,0.066,-0.8485,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,9,0,1,16,5,1,1,6,0,10,3,1,3,1,23,18,15,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,2,9,2,13,15,2,15,0,1,0,1,11,5,2,2,8,67,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.21909429459763088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526779277107908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986598759743565,0.0,0.0,0.21093927282125424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985653098902813,0.0,0.2493855986986947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296580135970707,0.0,0.0,0.21453374429551775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352155130756733,0.16039359107718054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756053881635356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968670897346636,0.0,0.1982508956544775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986553412110118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261752849337848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920576476299335,0.0,0.0,0.16647505904343052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213720315538998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556504612485425,0.19603787498483025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023086675937054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256752517546538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648495778618338,0.1782095902603152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22880000895728375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,desinny3,2019/06/27,"I’m just lost The last couple of months have been rough. I don’t know who I am or what’s happening to me but I feel like a huge part of me is lost. I’m drowning in everyday life, I have no desire to go to work, hang out with friends, and my amazing boyfriend and I are fighting a lot because I keep starting things from nothing. I don’t mean to I just say things before I can even know what’s coming out of my mouth. I’m having constant panic attacks, crying all the time, and I come off hateful even when I’m not trying to. I feel like I have no control over my emotions and it’s killing me. I can be in the middle of an episode and as it’s going on forget what happened 10 seconds prior. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have an appointment with a doctor on Tuesday but they just keep putting me on antidepressants. How do I handle this?",1.4126666666666663,3.0633375444444475,3.0886111111111134,92.95625000000004,79.1111111111111,5.388888888888888,24.583333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.4948333333333337,658,24,147,4,16,218,102,180,0.19899999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.115,-0.946,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,7,11,4,1,8,0,17,3,1,2,1,32,39,11,2,1,7,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,10,11,0,3,6,0,0,6,6,7,0,1,3,4,24,4,23,35,3,26,0,2,0,0,5,11,0,2,11,104,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087927932230962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160679764532274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659472759890352,0.0,0.12087739030017056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447336810144812,0.0,0.15350978021670852,0.15932550706562498,0.0,0.15717991785006052,0.15603951837055746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453981669410437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979149663406556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765049783210155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365342134472206,0.20296664249748808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975047638204752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146498885386906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512355563461092,0.0,0.0,0.14024879836675153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525280335220908,0.15716157272454548,0.0,0.23420729454605105,0.115792873011859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033685745814737,0.1388007020569223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31013718429789633,0.12076913006293155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547383213560749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338605285243918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630453040809995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666962259262305,0.0,0.15383051049571536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280338634229114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112966948106659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054646839517722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887485733980372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283276060557893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644526080215758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341691750550268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JustMe11-11,2019/06/27,"Favourite person - how to become friends with them So, not only do I not know how to make friends, even slightly, I can’t even understand social situations generally (I don’t have autism or Aspergers as far as I know). And every time I have tried to make friends they either think I’m crazy (because I misread things and have many quirks when I get anxious) or they misunderstand me from the beginning and never get to see the person underneath all the quirks and odd mannerisms like not making eye contact ever. Not to mention, I have no idea whether my driving instructor even likes me, the person who is currently my favourite person. He appears to be a genuinely nice person, very patient, listens well, makes me feel comfortable, etc, but that might just be good acting on his part or something. I will slowly become, over the course of a few days or a few weeks, more and more obsessed, the entire day gets taken up just daydreaming about them, I’ll want to talk to them constantly or have attention from them in some way, I’ll analyse practically every word they say and everything they do looking for signs of reciprocation (non-romantic, always just friends) which has never happened. It can get to the point where I don’t fell genuinely happy until I’m in their presence, like I get withdrawal-like symptoms when I’m not with them. I don’t read people very well and that makes the whole situation much worse. I’ll sometimes take on their personality (some select characteristics), start liking their hobbies, have been known to copy their clothes, etc. 

I’ve never made friends easily and barely have any friends, and the ones I do have I still struggle to tell if they are my friends with 100% certainty, even my best friend who I’ve known for over a decade, and if I struggle with that you can see how meeting someone knew can get very confusing, especially when they are nice people and easy to get along with (they are unknowingly misleading which I don’t blame them for since they don’t realize).

Now, when I get in the car at the beginning of my driving lesson I try to talk to him, but because we only have between 5-10 minutes until we get to the place where I’m learning, I don’t have any time to really get into a proper conversation with him, and we end up just sitting in silence generally. I struggle to find a balance between asking too many questions and not asking enough, and with only a 5 minute window of opportunity I’m finding it very difficult. I try to think of conversation prompts but never write them down, since I don’t want to pull out a notebook just to start a conversation with him (or anyone) and I tend to have memory lapses in anxiety-inducing situations.

Another thing, I have a habit of asking them way too many questions about themselves (which I know most people find uncomfortable), and because I don’t want to creep them out I have learned to somewhat limit how much I ask and how often, but - any help here would be great please - I can’t tell whether me telling my driving instructor that I have read all his student reviews on the driving school’s website has made him uncomfortable with me (I can’t tell at all). He just said “oh, I didn’t realize you’d read all the reviews” but that could just be surprise rather than “erm...”, you know?

I’m 24, by the way, and Ian my instructor is 39 which I don’t feel is too old and we could become friends. He gives all his students his number to contact him with questions, etc, and I have to keep reminding myself to not message him constantly because I’ll just end up pisisnf him off as I can get very needy sometimes. I have found him on Facebook and am considering asking him if iphe’d find it okay to add him on Facebook (I don’t use social media much but it can help me to communicate things to him I struggle with during lessons). He has a girlfriend and, I think, kids (judging from Facebook), and since I have never had a girlfriend and don’t really have much of a life outside of work, it’ll make it harder to find common interests with him...

I obsessively go through conversations in my head, different ways in which I can get to know him to more of a friendship level without sounding needy.

So, can anyone give me any ideas? Thanks. ✌️",9.39132742755116,7.332294496909768,8.854018335393489,71.6091307856064,60.76761433868975,11.955514352424116,39.406709243235824,10.504223727775694,3.971428485098201,3364,137,629,60,36,1075,323,809,0.066,0.799,0.135,0.9956,2,0,1,0,0,0,99.0,4,3,21,6,38,35,0,7,29,1,66,4,2,14,11,159,133,57,0,10,35,0,2,4,11,4,2,4,1,7,21,45,0,2,32,3,0,10,29,8,2,1,9,10,103,27,98,113,26,76,0,0,4,0,102,31,0,21,34,432,124,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837306968965407,0.0,0.0,0.12544466811001656,0.048357735002165406,0.0,0.05209912585975899,0.0,0.06449221000890251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21556602433505068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124500724518536,0.15279793458223973,0.0,0.0,0.04839698582611456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967226865931944,0.0,0.07364140398353937,0.0,0.0,0.059483348243121285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818248884066122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816920142046134,0.047651227761120164,0.15429806242842295,0.12183947372976894,0.04171550081117385,0.07771118647543747,0.0,0.041447019802540466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663631980284441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107506846905168,0.0,0.0,0.050564951446701735,0.3206691800612773,0.0,0.2891309851842403,0.08847932950158728,0.026209375268138747,0.03868078317883073,0.0,0.05084419682451207,0.0,0.0,0.040781144096409525,0.0490924441289241,0.0,0.0,0.04732938540197725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182255647238204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412104425973308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040990942019608005,0.0,0.0,0.1267235891583578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03257382754011587,0.09012182055103947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03872669675932186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727411218913547,0.18470088444509836,0.14026631348737684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489228891392633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356053158896261,0.0,0.17784151233212953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048392073300496,0.0,0.031250098234836744,0.10522225575482898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994025771023919,0.0,0.09591524170481523,0.24160571079122856,0.04818248884066122,0.05062265866111559,0.04359550692995248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498490966785644,0.0,0.1383885527476332,0.0,0.05908751043488706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386786350736153,0.036674119347363816,0.0,0.04667290418022541,0.07349861643959589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144454703310697,0.15551244766449096,0.0,0.09402102447204508,0.03907481635150499,0.03550314866312403,0.091221858905148,0.0,0.06528375323371795,0.0,0.03682912584484899,0.0,0.0,0.19284616336676594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793326002417906,0.034674272982066406,0.07413425597304342,0.16123329441244774,0.04245837225533877,0.0,0.0,0.09191433189257199,0.08864980681911243,0.0,0.0,0.0537824310426166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393132410215464,0.0,0.0,0.04800946260583492,0.0,0.03983031360112225,0.0,0.1902569291704471,0.08160307098439114,0.1464222316835079,0.03699230587177945,0.0,0.08292951057479529,0.0,0.0,0.05148802560990682,0.0,0.044455178611217866,0.0,0.03357375266571193,0.0,0.046997201261441295,0.032760220389226935,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PseudoMystic,2019/06/27,"Newly diagnosed and not sure who I am apart from this disorder. So I'm 27f and have been diagnosed for about a week. I'm reading the book ""I hate you, don't leave me"" on reccommendation from my counselor. 

I'm really grateful for the diagnosis (late as it may be) because it's giving me SO much clarity and allowing me to see things in myself I wouldn't have otherwise. The fragile sense of self fueling an overly-confident persona has probably been the biggest and most challenging revelation...

So now I just feel lost. I have a good life! I'm in a long-term relationship that is actually pretty healthy- not by luck- mind you- we've worked our butts off! I have a great kid and am almost finished with a master's program. But despite all of that I've been miserable, suicidal, struggled massively with substance abuse, and just lived in absolute chaos. Oh, my money management is also awful.

So my big question... How do you start to figure out who YOU are? Where do you separate yourself from this disorder? So much of what I've prided myself on now just looks like dysfunction. 

I'm stripping my life down right now- simplifying- trying to minimize the chaos. I feel like I'm going through the same thing as an individual... trying to let go of my 'roles' is making me feel like there's nothing left of me. I don't know who I am underneath the scripts I've been writing for myself my whole life.",3.8531420720866336,5.932010758364314,5.2017876192015535,78.59960077582029,73.38661710037175,8.841829642799418,29.16777113302085,9.43228470229965,2.856609697753353,1110,47,206,28,23,370,157,269,0.156,0.731,0.113,-0.9363,0,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,1,5,0,5,16,13,1,2,14,1,24,6,1,3,2,34,43,16,1,1,6,0,4,3,0,2,5,0,0,2,12,9,0,0,6,2,1,2,5,4,0,0,5,6,29,9,31,34,6,24,0,2,2,1,16,15,1,5,10,140,41,6,0.0,0.1517815007123333,0.12501037282529673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827698242906654,0.0,0.0,0.10244418825328117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809060212577164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600443706879587,0.0,0.0,0.29363503346307546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431868107831365,0.18303409183858632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288838887892785,0.14560815134418525,0.10744699699236236,0.0,0.14123437568534694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647551895543166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704022410312067,0.0,0.14450613819318314,0.13564293184144152,0.13918464495544147,0.1309943361536045,0.27144951540030005,0.1877544516793792,0.0,0.1131175890464435,0.11336741757167833,0.1075745351635036,0.0,0.13983991944401472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550996879470395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129347847083384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834137743771304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229186019423872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032714254091654,0.13811705848599018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350504957422386,0.0,0.12813799850007596,0.0,0.08206627470068982,0.0,0.0,0.13753503714751647,0.0,0.10939954551423584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208176994526376,0.0,0.1336397134902398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067219767660167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392141673722366,0.0,0.14012425310742585,0.0,0.12073587429313375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021232303316072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394750689909047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275676579167406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302279525400155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326075134045707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,empty-empty,2019/06/27,"How do you handle when you just do not want anything to do with intimacy? It hurts my SO so much, but when I don't want intimacy at all (even only \*towards\* my partner, not receiving) I become cold and aloof.

How do you deal with this?",1.3268750000000011,3.5341196041666656,3.8873333333333338,84.29100000000003,82.125,7.173333333333334,22.1,8.238735603445708,1.306995,183,6,39,4,5,64,33,48,0.10400000000000001,0.8959999999999999,0.0,-0.4318,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,12,7,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,5,7,2,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098733724496636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158763418189785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882125374889293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24871158155256615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031108158303603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768118701550484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863876852844944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442047824136964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ssdgmb,2019/06/27,"Splitting more and more frequently is hindering my relationship My SO and I have been having these types of conversations once my mood flips. I admit that one inflection or tone or sentence can derail my mood pretty quickly. No matter how trivial it is. It’s been happening so much lately. I can’t deny that fact. He says I’m distant but I don’t think I am. Now he told me he’s holding back from yelling at me. That he’s getting impatient and feels like he’s getting walked over. I know what to do and what I should do but something in my head holds me back. I’m not sure if it’ll make sense but it feels like there’s someone inside screaming at me to change and do better in the moment but it’s as if I’m cemented in place, watching everything unravel and I’m doing nothing about it. My head feels so thick and foggy and numb. I can’t articulate what I feel or what I think. All I can do is apologize and that makes him aggravated. He says apologies mean nothing anymore. He says he tries to have these conversations over and over for months but we get nowhere because I start getting down on myself that detracts from the discussion. He says it’s one sided that he’s talking to himself during these conversations, but my head literally feels blank. He says he feels like he’s going crazy. I know it’s my fault.  
How can my mind be completely and utterly blank during important conversations?",2.40828840125392,4.919205981818184,3.6842758620689686,85.53800000000003,80.0909090909091,6.847648902821318,25.48275862068965,7.990435384864732,1.6949172413793097,1115,44,216,21,29,363,137,275,0.10300000000000001,0.812,0.086,-0.6905,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,11,10,0,0,2,0,23,4,3,4,3,48,49,28,0,3,12,0,7,3,0,2,1,7,0,0,21,12,0,2,12,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,3,15,30,5,20,43,4,24,0,0,1,0,32,13,0,5,12,135,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216405624229464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393267001540053,0.0,0.06894424746784945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002708761209206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964400038626835,0.0,0.11858240221933207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164630498729764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34311824652887424,0.2423943607666456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363587413629012,0.0,0.06427690494331931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001328516026366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482173507058174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431276993175665,0.0,0.12758086992552592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576372863568306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509892429835557,0.0,0.0,0.12319822945511436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419799228065253,0.0,0.09027473501008168,0.0,0.08314095538402802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704354378185128,0.0,0.0,0.12044700033640975,0.1532779452512785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816463473315207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506258784696052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142625845458667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44970527894193774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958286197441938,0.08706932112885174,0.0,0.0,0.08005222478629491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065946960186885,0.0,0.0,0.09090488566539208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493885356823974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807117138565313,0.0,0.07678696050230922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ilovemycats420,2019/06/27,i’ve been crying/yelling/cutting myself since yesterday and i don’t know how to calm down i’m literally a psych major i’m not stupid i know how my mind is betraying me rn i know all the strategies to calm down but i just fucking can’t. all i want to do is cry and break everything in sight. i hate my boyfriend. i hate my roommates. i hate my friends. i hate my coworkers. i hate myself. i hate everything. i just want to fucking die,-0.7988644688644655,1.2908458901098925,1.4287472527472538,95.62458608058607,101.08791208791209,5.0640293040293045,21.45128205128205,6.742157984588678,0.6795664468864469,340,14,76,6,15,113,49,91,0.381,0.502,0.11699999999999999,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,9,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,2,16,21,5,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,1,20,3,7,20,3,5,0,0,1,2,1,3,2,0,1,45,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467369186889554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461390391387378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531027459794493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878982160191264,0.260354025299455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8341271358725851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321572591888932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217843646744022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647987778013033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661073296697305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mettaworldpolice,2019/06/27,"A Somewhat Mutual Ghosting Experience Our time was friendly and casual from the onset. We went out three different nights and had 3 unique times. Lots of laughing, getting to know each other, talks of goals and the future, etc. There was an organic buildup, and if I'm being honest, I really enjoyed it. That's the thing you miss about dating when you're out of it. There was never a period of time where we weren't willing to just go with it for any of those nights, and we had a lot to say to each other. It was just a real time and it was a fun time.

And then things got to that place. Where it became hard to see what to do next. A little more intense, a little emotional. A fork in the road of sorts.

All these hypothetical plans in the air, and it starts to become clear that we aren't talking as much.

Then it becomes clear that none of these plans will stick.

As the texts slow and stop, you realize that this thing might have been cool, but now it's not going to work. You cross that mental bridge, give it a solid 3-4 days and send a simple ""hey"". The response doesn't really matter at this point anyways, as the situation has been revealing itself with these usual disappointing tropes.

So when that formal ""Hey, you know I think we don't click. Best of luck, x y z"" drops in response, it isn't surprising, but it also doesn't feel genuine. This is the part that gets me. Because especially if the click really was there to start, it seems a little too revisionist to say all that. A little disingenuous and overall disappointing. Would I rather have not received that but a cold shoulder instead?

I don't know. A lot was said before it turned into this abrupt, awkward ghosting ending, but that's par for the course in 2019 dating app life. And I can see why it would end here from many angles, but you would like to believe people are who they say they are sometimes.

end",3.946132075471698,5.3746571509433965,4.621704851752021,85.52695080862537,71.83018867924528,7.45633423180593,23.49258760107817,7.957251820313856,1.0854134770889488,1477,38,298,20,28,473,200,371,0.063,0.858,0.08,0.3027,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,6,5,2,5,18,15,0,1,26,1,33,2,1,0,5,62,54,28,2,6,12,0,2,1,1,6,1,4,0,0,42,24,0,1,8,1,0,6,11,4,0,1,15,12,19,11,38,32,14,53,0,3,4,0,26,18,0,10,29,214,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761732154618062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477481806600574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806490697707359,0.210397323644362,0.0810526762774838,0.10731670346870896,0.09996139330785353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142984183314821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951836122310166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714599658723176,0.2530957482979796,0.0,0.1062314731779898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931750092271124,0.0,0.0,0.048162415764821116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359167675115814,0.0,0.09953077185195902,0.09137466832852753,0.1082681338438998,0.0,0.07618195133706207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532733517241893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704448929221784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672795036860072,0.04653545358222103,0.3818712407454036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294025158045585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657086346059622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599189662990593,0.10104761855577378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002138710136532,0.0,0.07346443195684729,0.0,0.1013018824675268,0.17877562808728964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314893908486128,0.0,0.06603593892342068,0.0,0.09951836122310166,0.0,0.0900441947012487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841795023761812,0.1830631526739596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060673268764696,0.22724531326016126,0.0,0.0,0.1518074727194504,0.08671410006186589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706755582609792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420694244320764,0.0,0.13484011085019354,0.0,0.0,0.07963517282514644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312035227838122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984415091371826,0.06103381615506119,0.0,0.0,0.27771185801836545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360713038041122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490693142702157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829981965953469,0.08595036891527437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934479570888727,0.0,0.0,0.2029934645276472,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,specificwonderland,2019/06/27,"Quick q about mental health reporting I have an intake assessment and I'm wondering if I disclose my tantrums, throwing things, physical violence if I'll have charges pressed or how that works. I don't want to underplay it because I need help. It's a hallmark of the disorder, explosive anger. I don't hurt myself.",3.76361581920904,6.5035769152542375,4.645000000000003,79.27450564971755,76.45762711864407,9.357062146892655,35.25706214689266,9.725611199111238,4.25167570621469,254,15,44,8,6,82,48,59,0.268,0.6409999999999999,0.09,-0.8704,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,8,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,27,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094457492891892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39377727874461743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652139553198863,0.0,0.0,0.23029725781413365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367814009843029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462520782695709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547633429270649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282620863808687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265487279779235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726024263735477,0.2501334016136167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,djbadwolf,2019/06/27,"I need help with my endless rants I have noticed over the past few months I have started to go on basically endless rants with my SO. Typically, the rants are about family/work/something on the internet that made me mad/other random shit. 

I don’t know what it is but I just keep talking and talking. I am also aware this has started to happen when I talk to my family or friends. I get upset when I can’t finish a story. I will bring up said rant later in the same day and basically start over. ): 

I can only imagine how irritating this is to listen to and I don’t know how to control it. 

Has anyone else experienced this problem? If so, do you have any tips on how to stop this? I don’t want to be the person that complains all the time. Or obsesses all the time. ):",2.057142857142857,3.881802853503189,4.1160555050045495,85.52638535031849,77.78980891719746,6.778707916287535,23.953139217470433,7.7094869923839395,1.1788183803457684,596,20,124,9,14,204,94,157,0.22899999999999998,0.727,0.044000000000000004,-0.9833,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,10,6,1,2,8,0,17,1,1,5,2,27,32,15,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,9,5,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,3,18,1,18,28,4,22,0,0,0,0,10,7,1,4,13,90,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988782828434482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895531220302027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231194983183465,0.17923180694099314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619377917622444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281245138192485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612777705641422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490415704241007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514697755781094,0.0,0.0913913338003718,0.0,0.0994141708735922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468600781757408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724884950728075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548178743354732,0.0,0.0,0.1922689177810156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551870109927874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396238344048223,0.0,0.0,0.1297050131571041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915379720432014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303869583939465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698614613672985,0.0,0.1527381657066398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738004236212292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639417132089318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795584723827196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466616627207412,0.0,0.0,0.37143942575021693,0.0,0.0,0.14624551837573244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42179537944863105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400088651359807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317556929732244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734781925284075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hamlips24,2019/06/27,"Do I have BPD? Firstly I would like to start with my childhood. My mother died when I was very young, but old enough to talk and remember her slightly I remember more painful experiences from after she passed but not the initial time of her death. it's strange because I vividly remember seeing her in the hospital in a medically induced coma and grabbing her hand trying to wake her up and my aunty had to calm me down. 

Anyway growing up it led me to feel a bit cut off from the other kids as I would regularly get upset and I started to 'cling' to female teachers as a sort of person I could go to with problems I didn't want to tell my dad or when other kids were bullying me for my mother dying and that in turn making me a bit strange in their eyes (fucked up I know) but despite all the bullying I came out okay.

I have found great comfort in smoking cannabis as it helps with the mood swings (going from completely manic to crying my eyes out within seconds of each other and reverse and repeat) I have been looking into BPD as my girlfriend is in the process of being diagnosed and have noticed a lot of traits I have which match up with my own, I get physically agressive but would never hurt anyone unless I need to defend myself or someone I care about, I weird people out by apparently just being 'away with the fairies', I black out or sometimes red out A.K.A. 'seeing red' (When this happens I usually come too after doing something that's just not me at all). I get flashbacks to traumatic moments in my life and it's so real it gets to me so much I cry sometimes.

Despite all these symptoms my doctor seems to think I'm just psychotic from smoking weed so hasn't taken me seriously but these flashbacks and stuff have been happening since the day they happened sometimes they go away sometimes it's a new trauma that I have surpressed for god knows how many years.
Please if anyone with BPD can relate please get in touch I know it would take a long time to diagnose but I'm willing to go see a specialist if people with the condition can relate.

Many thanks guys",6.213196150696149,6.378406162162161,6.476821253071255,78.8316282760033,66.00245700245699,8.847215397215399,32.683149058149056,8.472884824447931,2.5237502866502863,1656,64,308,21,24,533,215,407,0.13,0.7609999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.9127,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,1,13,17,2,1,17,1,27,13,4,4,4,72,65,33,3,10,17,3,4,1,1,5,8,0,0,4,18,26,0,0,11,0,0,9,5,9,0,2,9,14,51,7,67,48,11,54,0,1,10,1,20,24,1,8,22,227,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117746660758998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501894824026238,0.0,0.0,0.048723207410560285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452077826082416,0.0,0.30199856519019186,0.0,0.0,0.09141603963275326,0.08149165611027462,0.0,0.0,0.06885066926735993,0.08380271292785238,0.0,0.0,0.06381579526026716,0.0,0.1755937348293909,0.0515467789523227,0.0,0.0,0.16224994383538746,0.16590474680400302,0.0,0.0,0.08180942698725509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258671970414137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818466499646609,0.0,0.0,0.04041386604872307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798649337430733,0.0,0.08763663956187866,0.0,0.07389190612801053,0.20879472185286202,0.0,0.1816991024652286,0.0,0.0,0.08812061365508587,0.0,0.07914102714676521,0.2120395050630192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357387818393163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085564296964306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177858405062895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645532531150359,0.039048655631641685,0.0,0.0,0.07073353322398777,0.06711916986405495,0.0,0.0,0.0679517048671177,0.0,0.0,0.0533523859701412,0.162068362980943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051878752150596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058756084260360886,0.059265405195233475,0.061645199172466886,0.07719470771984005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909982598219792,0.08387071606224605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504874888505214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082365980495967,0.06978981813460408,0.0,0.17547330962729835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648005108461946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097526460416112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716276395672025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107617745869845,0.07276321108036166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611705107944453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772251329367808,0.06153227786605427,0.3162023077372683,0.0,0.1131465291214703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149813781965324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307552388718435,0.060095712078405486,0.06424288844364585,0.06986036623950727,0.07358672280437642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121446736761698,0.0,0.0,0.09321301393933852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054265687717096105,0.08693842745207399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802911164126014,0.06594875481462736,0.04714345091078535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271134882227329,0.0,0.0,0.0514708429369895
bpd,PrimaryHorror1,2019/06/27,"I feel so alone and I don’t know what to do about it. I feel completely, truly and utterly alone. I just want one person to recognize my struggle, to see how hard it is for me to pretend to be upbeat and cheerful every single day. I want someone to know the real me, without saying I’m depressing or killing their their vibe. I just want someone to pat me on the back and say “well done, you’re doing a good job, keep going” when I don’t have the strength to say it to myself. I want someone to sit in the darkness with me and comfort me instead of expecting me to have the strength to fight it everyday. 

No one knows I have BPD.  I have a steady job, and I have a few friends, though I know that if anyone knew the real me, they’d run far, far away from me. 
But for one minute, I want take off this heavy mask and be told that it’s okay.",4.537134831460675,3.8431909157303386,5.4059325842696655,88.00844943820226,69.61797752808988,8.468314606741574,29.03595505617977,7.554174236665415,1.4550925842696618,645,20,150,6,10,212,101,178,0.111,0.7,0.18899999999999997,0.9137,2,2,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,3,2,10,12,2,1,9,1,14,0,0,1,0,31,32,14,1,7,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,9,8,0,1,7,1,0,2,4,4,1,3,3,7,26,8,23,26,2,13,0,1,1,0,10,6,0,2,4,105,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611275198556998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881465253873831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844080137561022,0.09693504463751224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877255629890416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217517389155933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130052397514463,0.0,0.10857830174845856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290067215897517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621392987765872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127482979631434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739634193311746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164478817337888,0.10573607683799348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292812828271162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501971296581051,0.11205102479463357,0.13947057708015725,0.0,0.2771247955034705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562716560993964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007377954151862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869757075582488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007522482172108,0.0,0.0,0.10045628237946967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32043956543525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178893414198053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478405789725178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385674175638345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045906983856405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717775716488928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334621977189775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152070861003042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iWillyz,2019/06/27,"First step What would be the first step on trying to help yourself? My wife has been let down by the health services and things are taking too long to be put into practice. This is leading to shame and depression. Are there any practical things she can do, I can do, we can do? Her giving into alcohol and food urges seems to just feed into her shame, prohibits any decent sleep and keeps her in bed in a hopeless state. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you",4.466571428571427,6.201347244444445,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000002,71.0,7.365079365079365,23.968253968253972,7.957251820313856,1.2111587301587303,372,10,71,5,7,116,64,90,0.127,0.764,0.11,-0.4193,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,1,1,0,3,3,5,0,2,3,0,17,5,1,1,0,14,22,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,8,3,1,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,2,1,0,8,1,12,15,0,15,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,1,3,53,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395218365017106,0.0,0.21211456673990625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049192526780452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095037871705454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376536681552734,0.24000258701083144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903999296742609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097476804886114,0.0,0.0,0.1330368400272902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764179842179988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295906406540554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564839550680614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952704027853804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715125549440146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806885743670764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862316043360556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923212403351527,0.0,0.0,0.1827335522779944,0.0,0.0,0.26372234700819297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475476968466865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819887398947886,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwitallaway_ye,2019/06/27,"""For All My Moons (And Those to Come)"" : a poem I wrote a little while back, before I knew anything about BPD. Things make more sense now. *For All My Moons (And Those to Come)*

So 

if my life is like the night, 

then the little things are like the stars, 

breaking up the pure blackness. 

And you are like the moon:

you are the biggest light. 

But, like the moon, 

you are not constant.

No, 

I can see where this is going. 

I can see you slowly making your way across the sky. 

I know what happens. 

I know you'll disappear under the horizon

and how, unlike the moon,

I won't ever see you again.",0.7909191655801848,3.0139362796610207,1.650000000000002,99.399889178618,84.5084745762712,3.969752281616688,15.856584093872227,4.713530739802397,-1.0852198174706649,443,8,100,1,13,137,71,118,0.017,0.88,0.10400000000000001,0.8397,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,7,0,0,8,4,0,0,12,0,10,1,0,3,4,20,23,10,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,5,17,4,8,19,3,22,0,0,4,0,8,8,0,1,12,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503548240048032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049276982998268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547281678559485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23011694367949675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147771031054015,0.0,0.19744468237742532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527172339238871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383834630706068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156991611428967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082535812741184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290535295119693,0.3570516548548843,0.3662469900737311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392078796253475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171461028480969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367888232091328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24276891069192805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450267532615295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,princeEXmachina,2019/06/27,"Reality is a concept I'm living in less and less. With the amount of anxiety I experience, years of therapy and figuring my shit out made me significantly more aware that I'm susceptible to falling into delusional thinking along with the extreme emotional whiplash that seems to be my default. Today my ex who I had split with recently (within the past two months, fuck if I can remember the day), after dealing with back and forth bullshit over the fact that I can't handle him talking about being with other people, sexually or emotionally. After our split, he encouraged me to look for other people. As well as reassuring me that we were still best friends regardless, that he wouldn't leave me. My trust in him significantly diminished due to the breakup (which he didn't understand), nor did he agree with me that the only reason I talked about guys and other potential partners was because of the fact that he encouraged that. When you love someone, you trust their decisions that they might advise for you, trusting that your well-being was in mind. He told me I was enabling a double standard that I could talk about all that, but he couldn't. I told him if he didn't want me to look anymore, that it would ultimately result in me being upset about the breakup and me not wanting to overwhelm him with all that bullshit.

​

I blocked him, and we aren't friends anymore. Any trust I had left in him is gone, and now I'm more or less losing it knowing that he was one of the few people that keep me grounded and sane. I'm scared that I'm going to spiral back into a mindset of delusions and paranoid thinking that no one's going to be there to pull me out of. I'm scared I'm going to fucking drown, and no one's around to care, or even give me the strength to want to come back reality knowing that what's there doesn't have a space available for someone like me. My reasons to be alive on this planet just keep disappearing one after another, and I'm tired of having to make new friends and cycle through personas and hiding who I really am until MONTHS of fucking praying that someone cares enough to stay. I'm so fucking tired.",10.28693775815411,7.411884997578696,9.598991596638657,69.51303233157671,59.79903147699758,12.332659165361061,41.48540094003703,10.328600350310266,4.179712548070075,1716,71,316,27,17,550,199,413,0.132,0.736,0.132,-0.2677,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,4,2,4,17,27,5,4,15,0,29,8,1,5,4,69,68,25,1,10,8,1,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,2,30,29,0,3,11,0,0,8,11,10,1,5,14,2,44,17,59,44,12,44,1,2,2,5,44,16,5,7,20,228,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228793927394338,0.10349791497659896,0.057922462015981176,0.08931424861789412,0.06515925072876427,0.0,0.16894300423171602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758245166703348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964847883820008,0.0,0.05192237460881557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938674287033366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736848011829933,0.0,0.0,0.07337140618933691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800594221030094,0.0,0.0,0.05493134193912322,0.08781250551850306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162261208250045,0.0,0.08800936609239471,0.0,0.05625780988132861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331827234615506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741982587898774,0.31497460322831233,0.0,0.08170838473199246,0.14522210306459193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433742926271638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141632197856306,0.0,0.0,0.09362077977667582,0.0,0.0,0.09018886944636643,0.09254375146873683,0.0,0.0,0.041612591482171085,0.0,0.07521178827454784,0.0,0.14305243297093978,0.0952899284897329,0.0,0.0,0.07687448128681867,0.08059539754723198,0.05685550516560159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035805923280264,0.0860032729711891,0.0,0.13597301532925782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226331444630715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308692946809723,0.06478003095197084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130993503083116,0.17715051673709847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456579590584218,0.17514980839243804,0.08410082276882322,0.0,0.09648757272808917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055166147163792,0.0,0.0,0.0775408456101764,0.0,0.0,0.08743173048451393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165075263860433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078606543146836,0.0680215006335441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538323503310832,0.0,0.0,0.09740594575836514,0.0,0.0,0.10915442153243872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579409504761885,0.08073669517086547,0.16277824622615822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320437606922666,0.08867100741995096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071667375565065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531665394358499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050644159593906,0.0,0.10349791497659896,0.05485041996284182
bpd,vladimeero,2019/06/27,"I married a girl with bpd  I met her at work. Got to k ow her a bit throught text Facebook first, then text, then eventually gave her a ride home. We started there. As for everyone starting a relationship I wanted to be seen at my best. Always say yes to things, prioritize going out than resting after work. My work is about 20 min but her place (coach house) was double the time so I just stayed the night with her.
 We got married two weeks later, 2 hours before work. About a month or so she injured her back. We moved to my parents place to save money since she lost her source of income. She was getting paid by disability assistance but not enough to get by. 
 She went to a physiotherapy program provided by the government. That lasted for about two months.
 I learned later about two weeks when the program finished that she smoked weed with a guy in the parking lot on her lunch and had sex in the car.
 She explained about disassociation. Before all this. A month into our marriage she told me about things that happened to her growing up. She was taken advantage on by her brother. Got drugged in high school and woke up in a forest with a bunch of guys. She had a relationship with a guy who choked her unconscious in a garage and left her. Another guy   who was a thug that threatened to cut her hair when he sees her again. She still has nightmares from that guy.
 I also found out that she's been sending guys on snap picture and vids of her playing with herself. She had some calls on her facebook history on a lot of guys. She had chats with some guys about meeting up somewhere while I'm at work. She told me it never went anywhere. And I believe her. She told me before that what turns her on is people wanting her.
 I asked her what we can do about her disassociating. She started attending a dbt group session once a week, and told her family doctor about her past, dont know to which extent. After three or four dbt sessions she stopped. I had to do extra hours from work to pay bills.
 We had a big argument. She said she'll stop snaps with guys. But me having to do 12 hours a day at work I end up just sleeping right after I get home. She cant work because of her injury so she's just at home or at the gym. I felt were starting to drift apart.
 She started hanging out with her friend from high school and her brother. There are days that she sleeps there. She went to a trip with them, goes to parks in the mornings and now she's going to the gym with them too. She stioped calling me babe. She's always on snap but not with me. Always in their house.",2.243483365949121,4.478366086105673,2.989929158512723,91.82921467710374,78.9412915851272,5.5752798434442274,22.74446183953033,6.65067331316558,0.4772086575342467,2014,64,422,19,50,632,239,511,0.062,0.898,0.039,-0.9121,2,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,6,0,3,12,26,7,1,0,29,1,25,8,3,0,2,57,64,25,0,2,12,3,2,0,1,1,3,2,3,11,17,29,1,2,5,5,4,14,5,2,0,6,32,6,84,5,85,30,13,92,0,1,2,1,100,36,0,7,41,294,101,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047216494787439514,0.14738498379615075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061911509359338514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519703490073414,0.0,0.0,0.04540025808917681,0.0,0.03599193444828154,0.0,0.15072318703216878,0.06652100136794377,0.06196176145973529,0.0,0.06445943057584139,0.0,0.07436232232010657,0.0,0.12057857216578576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615542521406117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060432793526203135,0.0,0.0,0.06919770569115631,0.0,0.0684708871405516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052294383740115837,0.061006981269582976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641791243098699,0.0,0.0,0.055660284149907216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056690333891150975,0.0,0.0,0.05022176377424283,0.0,0.06473736755054366,0.04561631015120074,0.0,0.09254225665504852,0.0,0.06711075207071325,0.0,0.14166572934052962,0.0,0.0,0.5261547692274473,0.05221134083919216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124763890574857,0.17767418582009176,0.0,0.17443575341130144,0.13625489606236105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032448371189739623,0.048127751083471136,0.0,0.0,0.06415015995619189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445217576598647,0.10039213086354366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413821659160477,0.0627531377663024,0.0,0.0,0.04553743658480496,0.0,0.0,0.05540765517465383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287864034808398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556002682531557,0.0,0.056363020252290875,0.04093283376654549,0.0,0.12337428991168604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267797124520242,0.0,0.05042221680501944,0.0561632103320923,0.04695319338505288,0.0,0.11950890354364788,0.047049456300990014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884080287065168,0.0,0.11817085237531465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895393979686427,0.06293175418968662,0.04715164532287382,0.09872482603759083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845080721790769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03442832343898895,0.0,0.0,0.225671649723948,0.0,0.0,0.06422159681576155,0.17302866857626284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964993008563733,0.0,0.1420816850355976,0.0,0.0,0.16419976297744995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438708123609616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,microdoom1,2019/06/27,"Does anyone else remember never loving their parents?(x-post) I just posted this at /r/raisedbynarcissists but I thought I'd also try here, wondering if it is an abuse thing or a BPD thing.",4.992761904761903,7.3664920857142855,5.48,76.55333333333336,71.0,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,2.157952380952381,153,5,26,3,3,49,32,35,0.226,0.774,0.0,-0.8348,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.2871425213634799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380545307582325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945522097578328,0.24831396681054246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052285781462219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208019837566505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245049470505394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187283570031108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691356842476628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642044144741053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27453282156522085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220102276858398,0.0,0.0,0.19239708762557836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645382522951875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628158579796861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,christianjprior,2019/06/27,"Walked out at work today... The day started off pretty good, was a little more tired than usual. Figured out my tasks for the day and was feeling optimistic. 
I started my first task and although it usually only takes about an hour... I had already been working on it for 2 and struggling. 
My other coworker was standing there staring at his phone and then walked passed me into the bathroom for 15 minutes... I started throwing tools and broke a piece of pipe I had been working on.
After I had done as much as I could, it still wasn't finished, my superviser walked over and suggested using a smaller flame as not to leave burn marks on the product. 
I agreed, and as soon as he walked into another room I walked out the front door and sped off in my car in complete rage. 
I spent the day at the beach, listening to music and took a nap. And then I turned my phone back on to see many missed calls and a message from my actual boss. He sounded furious. I called him back and tried to explain but he told me I should have asked for help and that what I did was bullshit, he swore some more and I told him I'd be in tomorrow.
Now I'm sitting here in tears, trying to think about what I'll do if I lose my job. I feel so helpless and nobody else to turn to. I will never find a job as relaxed and well paying as this one and I will be absolutely screwed if I lose it. Maybe I should try to get on some sort of disability? Professional help is very expensive, maybe somebody here can give me some guidance on how to move from here. Thank you for reading.",4.264917582417581,5.0110127628205134,4.878644688644691,86.5473076923077,70.41025641025641,7.737728937728938,28.63919413919414,7.793537801064563,1.6028001831501837,1210,43,254,14,21,388,178,312,0.114,0.802,0.084,-0.9157,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,6,14,13,3,1,14,0,23,2,0,3,1,43,46,32,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,2,0,9,22,0,0,6,4,3,11,3,9,1,2,16,6,35,4,50,23,7,59,0,5,2,1,22,23,1,6,23,177,44,10,0.0,0.0,0.10700704182721198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100654401517748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498237692516534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251222006672672,0.0,0.0,0.1686351905204235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393915085149468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497072970164805,0.0,0.0,0.0875502509552457,0.0,0.0,0.21215437721044564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122146957019307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160232212782612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088929003256852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100222289829069,0.09327212067501603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572899866617513,0.1051906547564919,0.0,0.09197305024790248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469982928370496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798766258225692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763048021143652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161083560754379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990268578119132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453508291079852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111725223592239,0.22032550698289696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654545357637044,0.08060872549127301,0.0,0.08457236387518438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430477407648525,0.08339724121746762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155811856178084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109684243437263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738049474977831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328422057321143,0.0,0.08757028073227892,0.0,0.0,0.1146347644478002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244658947429004,0.0,0.0,0.10095519490467736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702622203842663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260317966330431,0.10393971017485247,0.20955928032118745,0.121830261266583,0.22334476402813705,0.23854536670868826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470634080208062,0.2415380325239999,0.09047650367214778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985926268331593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394894974068761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ashleynicole11,2019/06/01,"DAE get dreams about old fps?? It’s literally the worst when it happens. Either it’s a good dream and I get sad because part of me misses them, or it’s a bad dream and then I get sad because it’s so real. I think it’s worse right now because I’ve moved back home for the summer, and it’s where they live. Just wish my brain would be normal sometimes.",0.3007894736842118,2.2831556578947416,1.93342105263158,98.12144736842106,84.52631578947368,4.326315789473685,17.394736842105264,5.148860815047168,-0.8047578947368423,274,6,65,1,8,89,52,76,0.22699999999999998,0.628,0.146,-0.8343,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,7,6,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,11,9,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,3,7,3,9,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301603221783986,0.17701235895776898,0.3877023562781575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366637359875802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322860293604231,0.0,0.0,0.1778167614495535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747218581137126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265474411353144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872011681131474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22532399502638106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077164129539539,0.0,0.0,0.2224598637090915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22957691551733636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413040679147176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104808353813015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967485907574454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358419716135267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437912097494277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604759362979836,0.15059975045112456,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Bobsandvagenerock,2019/06/01,"What happens if someone with Borderline personality disorder loses their spouse/ any other loved one/family? Since BPD People experience emotions on an extreme levels, what happens if someone you love dies abruptly?",12.510909090909088,14.47794206060606,11.226818181818182,43.96022727272728,52.63636363636364,12.660606060606062,52.86363636363637,12.161744961471696,7.847436363636365,180,12,17,5,2,57,29,33,0.121,0.675,0.204,0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,2,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150392018006819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785351920274957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295225002818664,0.0,0.2534611624053097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487680109218587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163306371804912,0.20848391295880075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911307606574108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24741428700566004,0.0,0.0,0.3991994805318279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985938923531375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332004646540695,0.19310277567157072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829405266257496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747654211461509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bpdthrowawayacc1,2019/06/01,"I heard my mom call me crazy after I (yet again) picked a fight so I bought a bus ticket back to my University For context, I'm a 19 yr old girl and was supposed to go back to my house at my university in a week for an internship. 

I couldn't find my adaptor for my phone so being the piece of shit I am I threw a temper tantrum and slammed my car door really hard, so my mom took my keys away because she's doesn't want me to drive when I'm pissed (it's technically her car so she obviously has the right.) We fought, I threw stuff and screamed, and then I heard her call me crazy to my dad as  I stomped up the stairs. So I bought a ticket back to my university and packed my bags.

The thing is I know I'm in the wrong, I know my mom is right and that I am in fact crazy, but I know she doesn't want to me to leave- she loves me so much and wants to spend time with me when I'm home, my dad too. They tell me all the time.
I've told them I feel like a burden to them, that they'd be happier if they didn't have to deal with me. I threatened to leave 2 weeks ago after a big fight, and my mom cried and said she'd rather fight with me everyday than to not see me. It made me feel even worse and even more like a burden. Seeing your parents cry is probably the most heartbreaking thing.

Now my parents are going to be really upset that I'm leaving and my mom is going to feel responsible. When in reality I impulsively bought the ticket out of anger and feeling rejected. Sometimes I wish I didn't exist, or that my parents didn't love me. It'd be so much easier to just go away knowing I wouldn't be hurting anyone by doing so. 

Sorry for the rant. If anyone has also been having a bad day I'd be happy to listen.",2.550700992555832,3.1375097069892486,4.232473118279572,90.2014019851117,74.24193548387099,7.551033912324235,22.64102564102564,7.748469712250963,0.6694504549214226,1329,31,320,17,26,449,175,372,0.221,0.6890000000000001,0.09,-0.9925,3,1,0,0,3,0,31.0,1,1,5,0,23,23,9,1,20,0,30,4,2,2,3,45,68,30,0,9,7,10,5,2,0,1,0,5,2,1,10,17,0,0,9,3,4,10,8,18,0,0,17,12,64,5,40,40,6,43,0,3,2,2,41,13,2,4,22,208,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510891695498881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775934813076083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849176716592062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592151227500643,0.19545872095799505,0.07074684374071988,0.051651229663693635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303964399036684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614604430193646,0.054644483801224636,0.08735393795164546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192804953352667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137015297789426,0.06053184158200009,0.0,0.0,0.07744259673210112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261831414416333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019772246178964,0.0759023309435722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499209908903638,0.0,0.0,0.09776819497480137,0.09070628532878502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626376139269094,0.0,0.0,0.2691536766555497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279057095289928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294606682139833,0.08017451859457109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961796013599367,0.0,0.0,0.12457406495014395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891092864404873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822512366356543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913543462866876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856169338743504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471961789611226,0.08059858187621635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503926978119854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697515137112119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380112314602943,0.09484941473177087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699672048476203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405862653131619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258301958559426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881465212370937,0.0,0.0,0.08096409922913157,0.09413925593923092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992961298382884,0.0,0.13593219068424978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743646558384476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863481252782607,0.0,0.09264004452949906,0.0,0.0
bpd,luna1-618,2019/06/01,"I think my sister has bpd i don't know what to do I begged her to get help but she says she can handle it on her own I begged her to get and get help but she says she can handle it on her own 
1. she gets angry like really fast and out of nowhere. she ends up breaking a lot of things
2. she can go from extremely euphoric to depressed numb bored to extremely horny and angry
3. she sometimes but just sometimes feels like she's not real like she's just living in a dream and this is just an illusion
4. Her opinions on people can change drastically but she claims that she has a reason she also tries to fill a hole by either binge eating or buying useless stuff
There are obviously many other reasons but I don't think they fit in here and what's making me doubt is that she has like normal days so I don't know what to think",1.2920873949579852,3.265247102857142,2.7869915966386567,93.41618487394959,80.82857142857142,5.489075630252102,18.294117647058822,6.522977012572876,-0.16222352941176466,653,14,145,6,17,213,97,175,0.146,0.718,0.136,-0.4536,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,1,5,0,14,2,0,3,1,32,26,13,0,1,11,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,11,6,1,0,8,1,1,2,4,5,0,0,0,3,28,4,18,26,4,14,0,2,0,0,25,8,0,4,7,99,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441367348509587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959418997614436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457825352422611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033332894949792,0.0,0.13399695270643625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591925789640907,0.0,0.0,0.1377937183400966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786636488021482,0.11114317037851863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251271165549817,0.0,0.08841714355388856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085579604460051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100045551866686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040253292372699,0.0,0.1373760193623744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226472915829998,0.0,0.0,0.10384785626923344,0.15772914143009584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243096106429296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785646494888536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770789821462862,0.09966565091527084,0.3199150561505563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743976854650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30773630090580234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780967297416767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335745122324723,0.2990595012418463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105625554245127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,snortinnorton1620,2019/06/01,BPD anthems Listening to Something Else by Seether and good God do I relate. Anyone else have songs that really hit home?,3.217575757575758,6.356630454545456,3.360909090909089,84.0280303030303,85.36363636363636,6.56969696969697,25.51515151515152,7.793537801064563,2.090224242424242,98,4,16,2,3,30,21,22,0.0,0.792,0.20800000000000002,0.6124,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380302526526173,0.3488015058888854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287482861524062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5687560657830432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28552895277079904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34146998232056336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180823860042763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26207268893654884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,COINTELPRObot,2019/06/01,"Anybody else constantly paranoid that their partner is cheating on them? I don't know what to do. I know I am mostly being unreasonable but I can't stop feeling that way. When I split I just think she's this awful person who wants purely to hurt and deceive me, specifically in the form of cheating. It's going to ruin this relationship. It's ruined every relationship I've had before it.

When I'm single I feel more stable because this isn't going on. But it always happens in relationships every single time no matter what.",3.392673267326732,5.953493267326735,5.172762376237625,75.9656782178218,76.72277227722772,6.4162376237623775,24.951485148514852,7.554174236665415,1.6555021782178216,424,15,69,6,10,144,68,101,0.309,0.632,0.057999999999999996,-0.9849,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,3,5,2,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,1,14,18,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,12,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,2,11,0,8,16,5,12,0,3,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,52,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647509619485335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069830324663935,0.0,0.16848249673686952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139664910055777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540269013588654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336452577168217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002284052695844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225054697078882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508979014667403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196193787203205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763005549737569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288501887321442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6377302198515243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553596206643725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686971243219042,0.0,0.0,0.11545476191849632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678489238558927,0.1571623257899858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,mattjames74,2019/06/01,Take me home 🙃🙃🙃 Why is being about people so draining 😭😭😭,-4.927708333333332,-4.076356687499999,0.5025000000000013,100.95916666666668,115.875,2.1333333333333333,11.583333333333332,3.1291,-1.829516666666667,47,1,13,0,3,19,12,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924778092472689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094876624482001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441010647988912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5329766825075529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Ariboo8,2019/06/01,"My now ex thinks I have BPD. Maybe he is right? Background:

I met my now ex bf 9 months ago and we started as friends. We then got involved casually but in time we got closer. During this time he got extremely depressed and even contemplated suicide because of two big life events that happened back to back. While this was happening, I was the only one who knew, as a result I was his only source of support. Because of what he was going through I felt comfortable sharing some of my past history with mental health (chronic depression since high school and a suicide attempt in college) and he seemed receptive. While this was happening, he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and that’s when we started officially dating. He sought out professional help and after medication he got better. But then everything started to change. 

As he got better, he stopped spending as much time with me as he used to. He also talked to me about how he wanted to make new friends so that would mean we couldn’t hang out as much together anymore. I was ok with it, if anything I was happy for him. However, in time, sometimes days will pass without me hearing from him, and I would have to seek him out constantly.  I tried to bring this up various times but he would get defensive bringing up all the things he did do for me. I don’t mean to make myself sound like a saint, as I said before, I do have my own problems with mental illness. It is easy for me to get worked up due to stress. I cry a lot and retreat easily when frustrated. We are in school together so I deal with a lot of school related stress. 

In time, it got extremely frustrating an stressful to think about why he was acting the way he was acting. Me bringing anything up such as I’ll like you to call me more or I’ll like you to come study at this coffee shop with me more like we used to will always turn into arguments. One night with drinking involved we got into an argument, I went home and called him later frustrated saying how upset I was with the situation. He hung up and ghosted me until later the next day and then broke up with me. His logic was that I didn’t know how to bring up things in a nice way and how I always made him feel like crap. I asked him, how would he like me to bring up my concerns in a way he liked, he couldn’t come up with an answer. 2 days later after this we got back together, but unfortunately nothing really changed on his part. Yet, me feeling guilty about making him feel bad led me to take on a more “chill” gf role. That’s what I did for 2 months until 2 weeks ago.

2 weeks ago he went home for the weekend and again unless I tried talking to him, I wouldn’t hear from him. When he came back I told him I wanted to talk to him, and told him calmly, that I would really like to hear from him more, and provided examples like sending a goodnight text or calling me in the morning. I also told him how I was worried about the summer where I was going to be traveling for 2 months while he stayed here. After I was done talking, he sat down and told me, I can’t do what you are asking and I don’t want to continue this relationship. He then told me he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore.

I was heartbroken, it took me by surprise, especially since for 2 months I was working to be the way he wanted me to be. Throughout the following week after the break up I tried to understand things more from his perspective and he was open to talk. He kept saying I wanted too much and how in his previous relationship he never had these problems. How I could never be satisfied and how I was horrible at communicating. I asked him if he could give me an example of what he meant by that, he said well when you say stuff like we need to talk or I am mad at you, it sounds hostile and like you are not happy in the relationship. I was baffled and confused. 

He still wanted to be friends, not even friends, but friends in the same way we were while together but without the romantic aspect. I attempted it for the past 2 weeks but when we tried to talk about our relationship, it hurt when he would again make it about me and how he was a good bf but he is just more independent than me, how we are just not meant to be together. However, he said that he loves spending time with me so that’s why he wants me in his life still. 

Carrying most of the guilt got exhausting and yesterday our last day of class, I lashed out telling him how he wasn’t that great of a bf and how I did so much for him but he didn’t see that. And how I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, how he has made me feel like crap and I told him I was going to block his number. He lashed out back and said he was not going to hear any of it and that HE was going to block my number.

I am sad, devastated. We are stuck with each other in school for the next 3 years and the idea of having to interact with him again hurts me so much. I have also questioned a lot about myself. How, maybe he is right, I can’t be satisfied or asked for too much. It has also been extremely debilitating, we have our last test of the year this weekend and I haven’t been able to study. He wasn’t all bad, he was very sweet when he was sweet, and very supportive when he was supportive. But it was never consistent and it always felt more one sided. Like I was giving 100% and he was giving 50%.

He showed up at my house today telling me he thinks I have BPD. He made some points that did sound like me. I love a lot and get frustrated when don’t get the same in return. I cry and question the other person’s intentions a lot. Like him not texting me as much as I did must mean he didn’t like me as much.

I have a lot of good friends and they all tell me that I don’t. But I’m 25 and haven’t had a relationship longer than 16 months. I do get very down but I’ve always attributed it to my depression and I’ve always longed for a relationship where the other person treats me like “a princess” (for lack of better word) and haven’t ever really had that experience. I come from a broken home. I don’t know what to think.

TL;DR ex thinks I have BPD and maybe he is right?",3.900059104981708,4.606507786283892,4.880712449573132,86.34688910779623,71.21690590111642,8.29352096819589,25.99696031522657,8.4952907291091,1.4927683197298056,4780,141,1041,75,85,1564,380,1254,0.135,0.7170000000000001,0.149,0.9002,3,0,1,0,0,2,111.0,18,6,1,7,66,77,9,6,45,1,107,15,2,30,8,220,223,117,3,27,29,3,6,17,10,10,7,14,3,2,50,85,1,5,26,7,3,25,30,27,1,4,84,23,160,50,161,117,34,176,1,7,1,5,188,52,2,19,109,697,210,10,0.032748479985723715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708865473138898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475579045153326,0.1362467938707811,0.0,0.0,0.022270089383521582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974330771002858,0.0,0.0,0.0538984173538364,0.0,0.1224616322672358,0.0,0.0,0.12590779832995208,0.054687225766312915,0.03992633887779077,0.0,0.02786654442832786,0.0,0.0,0.08689010781112444,0.0,0.0,0.12373669238138868,0.0,0.10031957869496727,0.03745553680905433,0.0,0.0,0.06928709906282315,0.08462974727733641,0.0,0.035389472753911015,0.0,0.05229399300106219,0.0,0.07194533502833053,0.08448024150655327,0.03376224488435048,0.0846186534746581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03351306505479233,0.0,0.03208104290946745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326012434459979,0.0296228750329494,0.0,0.0,0.02943222217698905,0.032034297366667915,0.0,0.0,0.06623446185003137,0.04679104129051345,0.0628873528675053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180836640511886,0.0,0.08554864574437476,0.09424597822840758,0.09305857932452104,0.05493574254183195,0.2357275596764748,0.03610531479655085,0.0,0.0,0.08687811809357834,0.06972273180062763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03481010283686088,0.14763966812375676,0.0,0.021950615826099404,0.034600567121234466,0.09854818672058416,0.0,0.0,0.03778734900843688,0.07011585028978125,0.03696904774519803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03599541630682603,0.05338876413952729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626243980305916,0.2719873032338982,0.0,0.0,0.028981374252799137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704951952281386,0.14778390886569678,0.0929622107628348,0.08743945874634086,0.0,0.09870074952162733,0.10701808575100877,0.0,0.032990648270783754,0.06600553060182728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306976214294051,0.0,0.19259120702326696,0.024282582954930958,0.07577293993422622,0.0316286860389073,0.06965675997644474,0.030732230023727308,0.0,0.031423049777691336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665736527269499,0.04981338946433758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03546341250846114,0.06252425942824519,0.0,0.05718941911155163,0.0,0.0,0.0309578988306942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267174513501822,0.0,0.0,0.07337158485148519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293854455483043,0.0,0.0,0.21095767036898194,0.0,0.08390106891946021,0.12460521517152415,0.07812871713716289,0.0,0.13257284041382544,0.026096298588624844,0.029812986232111975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417976211529027,0.03681066361147741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03238908408234572,0.0,0.06953862806819007,0.034905522340870236,0.0523059568390702,0.027379195647929348,0.11253981953424702,0.0,0.03748917457846265,0.07164304362199367,0.1114877610022608,0.0,0.0,0.024622781350643545,0.21057590177720345,0.08587084486562131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526990481824396,0.10491951824593143,0.0,0.0,0.1336713142518273,0.0,0.031041729847208942,0.21904803222146105,0.03638476623698668,0.08893627297449024,0.03562094226170956,0.03199050640579773,0.0340923226023158,0.0,0.056568344111222385,0.0,0.08106277705949373,0.17384311781495038,0.12997109548197902,0.10507542114674444,0.0,0.0294448164415036,0.06071633807949441,0.05910081897379683,0.0,0.0,0.06313673214800823,0.0,0.0476825669242421,0.03325767107455,0.0,0.1395814834923914,0.0,0.0,0.042177894819428
bpd,JunkyardCyberTron,2019/06/01,"Getting on disability, what to do? Hello,

I was wondering if any of you have experience getting on disability in the United States, and if you've had any luck. I'm currently in no mental position to work, haven't been for a while, I'm diagnosed bipolar on paper but pretty sure it's BPD, my highs/lows happen in the span of hours/minutes and not days, just as intense though, and half the time every single day I'm terribly suicidal. No meds have worked for me, tried basically everything, unless some miracle cure comes out I doubt I can handle 40 hours a week. I need to bring in money somehow to pay rent, but I can't control my emotions enough to hold a job for more than a week, I'm extremely explosive, most people are a stick of TNT wheres I'm a Tsar Bomb, and I hate my life and the fact I can't succeed because of that, I'm a very smart guy analytically, I'm just not emotionally intelligent at all, and it sucks to have so much potential with no opportunity to apply it. I'd like to get on disability until I'm WELL controlled under medication, and a big peice of that puzzle is removing stressors such as having to find a job or be homeless, if my life had an element of normalcy to it I'd likely be much more successful in stabilizing. Idk what to do. Thinking about a lawyer. This all really affects my daily functions and literally puts me and others in danger, I shouldn't be driving on the road to/from work when I'm like that.",7.491039408866995,5.945567631034487,8.764433497536945,69.12034482758621,64.06896551724138,12.147783251231527,35.886699507389174,11.20814326018867,3.9100492610837434,1143,44,223,28,14,400,171,290,0.166,0.7040000000000001,0.13,-0.9088,4,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,0,8,10,15,3,1,16,0,20,5,0,3,4,42,40,23,1,5,11,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,1,1,11,12,0,3,3,0,3,5,9,5,1,1,4,0,16,10,41,32,10,34,0,0,0,0,3,18,1,11,13,145,27,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768511892349791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926574059420677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637695956431092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120102632796136,0.0,0.0,0.2916818301363696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771858118750005,0.0,0.0,0.13197881095049765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925349307644518,0.0,0.1343568670558435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955679465777916,0.0,0.11686355191910665,0.12719534906299335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884605310419863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038076203034377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287512144944489,0.11498605625051972,0.0,0.0,0.12837877291421726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805442286079932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580715692328829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368959718088235,0.19057985541276354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443521853232574,0.13099263500572472,0.13104074687343126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117561346356227,0.09641639957795037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014717971847433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228835726473692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071715209051213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330124067273627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223289865125288,0.0,0.12255275579410488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331866682799965,0.12775487771910313,0.0,0.07582216951216537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828256911545779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072892604872764,0.0,0.0,0.20860618102096654,0.0,0.1169135586931833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101316151763088,0.2839925287604041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,somegirlnamedKarli,2019/06/01,"Recommendations for scar cream Best scar cream to use on old cutting scars? I moved and will have my legs out a lot, so I'm trying to get rid of them for good, there not super deep or anything.",3.0169166666666705,4.176587525000002,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,73.75,6.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.05041666666666656,151,3,35,1,3,48,35,40,0.10400000000000001,0.737,0.159,0.5352,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,6,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,7,4,2,5,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129297301777861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990698038182528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867532995721046,0.0,0.0,0.3189523539786863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232918740911299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041667277914903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990292963238008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581783034761429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284311029601871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,scattyduck,2019/06/01,"Are we destined to be abusive? I don’t want people here saying things like ‘it’s just how you are, it’s not your fault, it’s your illness and they’re bigots’ because it’s not true and not what I need. 

I was abused growing up, and I have autism as well. I’ve had meltdowns over the years but they’ve been getting worse, to the point of abuse. 

I love my husband with my whole heart, and I’m trying to get better but sometimes I snap. I’m not myself. I hit myself and turn incredibly suicidal and just want to hurt myself. I say horrible things. He says I’m being abusing. 

I don’t know what to do",-0.3793557422969158,1.8600460317460343,1.535508870214752,97.25491596638656,92.65079365079364,3.9170868347338934,17.72922502334267,5.5289334501034215,-0.5359116713352008,464,13,104,3,17,152,78,126,0.266,0.605,0.129,-0.977,0,0,0,0,2,2,14.0,1,3,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,11,3,1,1,1,22,23,10,1,3,8,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,3,3,18,5,10,17,1,5,0,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,2,67,26,0,0.0,0.6934307450792698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919141028654116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940248590193495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528856304185473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338231611864274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663173099660904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041012610957983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148143257959548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205373314828225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848967774277718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143542509249756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383136412616885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490633331882093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447078879952453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004332672285776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440850404796275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993373276285544,0.15914717779568813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259909993511316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155349465347005,0.0,0.0,0.16335390513806433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491060545762864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094221158954165
bpd,sexy_echidna,2019/06/01,"Toxic relationships as a way to self-harm. I need support/advice. I've been going out with this german 20 year old guy who is successful and good looking. That's all he is: appearances. He is not a nice person and honestly quite unpleasant to be around. 

Yesterday we went out for dinner and I swear I could barely enjoy my food or my drink because his presence is so ""heavy"". I kept a smile on my face the whole dinner... but I was crying inside. 

We spoke of this girl who broke his heart and how he still have feelings for her. He told me that if she sent him a message saying she want him back he'd fly back to Germany for her or send her a ticket for her to come stay with me. (?!?!) Zero respect for me. I didn't say anything. I just ordered drink after drink to numb myself from the awful time I was having. I went back to his place with him. I shouldn't have.

A little about him: he is kind of racist, kind of sexist, homophobic, kind of a major douchebag. I don't want to see him anymore but every time he messages me I get very anxious and will just go along with it. 

I recently broke up a 3 year relationship with someone I really did love. Now it's as if I am punishing myself going out with someone who makes me feel so shitty.

I have major self esteem issues and I don't feel worthy of love and affection. Being with this guy just confirms all the terrible things I believe about myself. I don't know how to get out all this. I want to but I can't. I'm crying as I write this... advice?",1.6040136587550402,3.5391836266233767,3.3786923421406208,89.75564935064936,79.61688311688313,5.936587550380652,20.360949395432154,6.953978226594392,0.3796754142409315,1159,30,245,13,29,387,160,308,0.185,0.708,0.107,-0.985,0,0,3,0,0,0,44.0,2,0,0,2,15,16,1,0,11,1,25,11,2,4,3,54,52,21,0,8,11,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,5,13,23,6,1,4,4,0,9,7,5,0,1,11,8,50,11,41,35,6,34,0,2,2,2,44,9,0,5,13,171,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741957883652086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411715734801635,0.10017882359537228,0.0,0.0,0.08312598049123746,0.08992394700526844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330207757818393,0.0,0.061577245299309996,0.0,0.0,0.11380827625910465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701468511243758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065152290980568,0.0,0.2219184462036848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968660244167033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510871870086655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322726122313754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214662592511633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055513746982778,0.0,0.1722258877923466,0.08472581732455868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003964028031032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970217060029185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543245474173524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155718580780336,0.05551469636023024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124264503435827,0.0,0.0,0.08482638575450549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233830124756825,0.0,0.06742768246974634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490066002261833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599728406374052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882015979460604,0.10553821335216958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107440907643064,0.0,0.0,0.06471220595669087,0.0,0.09973921710102923,0.21690263589060912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066090089222118,0.0,0.0,0.08049514304401485,0.0,0.2107594305922811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711778035559603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076675684221034,0.08066997439342392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462958037333452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710926592355793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178042442088204,0.0,0.0,0.09652328184887958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833471946578827,0.1787421638642094,0.08018027450812144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872821274718259,0.0,0.11277861236828847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300995106740989
bpd,PeaPodPandas,2019/06/01,"Diagnosis and treatment worth it? I'm pretty sure I have an undiagnosed mental health illness and the most relevant symptoms point to BPD. The thing is I'm currently doing a Policing degree, love it with all my heart, and planned on joining post-grad but just realised a diagnosis of BPD would probably make me fail my forces recruitment medical. You see my problem..

So my questions are: 
1- How easy is a BPD diagnosis? 
2- How is generally treat? (i'm UK) 
3- Does treatment work for the majority of cases? 

I'm trying to work out if it's worth seeing my GP and seeking a diagnosis that could ruin my chances of being recruited 😣",4.2342499999999985,6.281967258333335,6.003333333333334,73.39500000000002,72.25,9.133333333333336,32.83333333333333,9.642632912329526,3.5317333333333343,501,25,88,13,10,172,84,120,0.091,0.7490000000000001,0.16,0.7105,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,4,4,6,0,0,8,0,9,6,1,3,2,20,17,9,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,9,3,9,14,3,4,0,2,2,1,3,3,0,3,1,52,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6322078422699443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359284074355046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642443314403494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778552471392617,0.0,0.1982771364596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101445553146714,0.0,0.11168859955640502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685591085146541,0.1686210180527685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817318245940298,0.0,0.160248030633983,0.1702264220155402,0.18040119829988452,0.16010436355037588,0.0,0.0,0.18743870734765394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666761983736725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769881460713914,0.17391141467538265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111611678426526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136005176690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362452372778545,0.0,0.0,0.11886060472610945,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Aestronaught,2019/06/01,"I feel like I've never been truly close to another human being As the bpd thing goes I've been in probably around 40 ish romantic relationships, I have several friends and family who misunderstand me but mean well. I have not once felt like a person actually knows me. I have friends that I've known for 15 years, but I don't feel a deep connection or understand to any of them. My ""best friend"" doesn't even scratch the surface of the kind of person I am. I have done so much and felt so much but most of it has never left my brain. 

I don't know why I do this. I purposefully leave out information and hide things, bad or not. I have no remorse for this, hell I barely care about blatantly lying to my friends and family. I'm not sociopathic as far as I know, I have very strong emotions but I just never ever talk about them. I don't know why but I just don't feel like I ever connect with people on a deeper level. It all feels so surface level and fake but somehow I have managed to maintain this throughout all these years. Even the one relationship that lasted over a year (we even lived together) I don't think I ever truly opened up to them. 

I don't know why I'm posting this or what I would like in feedback I just don't really know what to do with these feelings. I've had them ever since I can remember. I've always been alone, maybe not physically but mentally.",2.6377619047619056,4.426566585714291,4.2578571428571435,85.3154761904762,76.0,7.666666666666666,23.809523809523807,8.472884824447931,1.4624880952380952,1084,34,226,21,24,363,140,280,0.11,0.72,0.17,0.9548,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,4,2,18,16,1,0,8,0,27,1,1,0,10,61,46,21,0,1,17,0,8,4,4,1,0,0,0,3,15,12,0,0,19,0,0,0,16,3,1,1,7,8,35,13,26,37,6,28,1,0,0,0,17,16,1,5,15,156,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.08984412487475398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535366058481624,0.0,0.0,0.07660713101442719,0.0,0.0,0.0626087266583494,0.09654029168978984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819591618343959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687211108007473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661865114961454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159551812223814,0.10277723605617352,0.0,0.0,0.09386845675668563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421652034551396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356299891156284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242818340244346,0.3331195405339852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735851741614216,0.0,0.23275924300958856,0.13154538644936725,0.17679754302477788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845229866549577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095873627466861,0.3035857389295126,0.07504690446173197,0.0,0.0974856744389626,0.1000310801368518,0.0,0.0,0.1799171702980434,0.0,0.08129686014153882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924936902490421,0.1002879686575254,0.0,0.0,0.0927818957576102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353596973688323,0.0,0.21302327093270607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804836520829854,0.06238699142527319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638276752158672,0.1607787309355974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817474977521302,0.0,0.0992638128300818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058980486703441186,0.0,0.0,0.19769103591753995,0.10429397951340197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400952002940136,0.0,0.07615878540659465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399997844732263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233046634605906,0.05899282509252764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584500853130977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596492861915959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827793024241494,0.0,0.24922848018425314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540176524099295,0.0,0.0,0.1778644155147484
bpd,throwawayplane2000,2019/06/01,"This disorder is such bullshit and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. The way my mood can just be like every thing is going to be happy forever to doom and dread and anger is exhausting and so awful for my partner. Yes, for my partner. I suffer from my mental health issues but my partner suffers more. When I flip flop it effects them most. It feels uncontrollable and it drives me insane how it can start and I’m screaming at myself in my head that I’m being an idiot and I’m ruining things and I just can’t seem to stop myself. I didn’t fucking ask for this plague of a fucking mental illness and neither did my partner. It hurts that I’m making their life miserable and that they still stick around because I’m TRYING to improve with the help of trying to be aware and professionals but it feels like everything won’t get better. Nothing will get better. I want to die but I’m too scared, I wanna self harm but if I’m going to be forced to live in this worthless body I hate the scars more than I want to feel the pain. My leg scars aren’t ever going to lighten up, I’ve ruined my body and my body has ruined me. I almost don’t wanna go to sleep and get the rush of inspiration and positivity cause things aren’t good and I don’t wanna be fooled by my brain. I will flip again and again and again and it’s not going to end. I’ve gone periods where it seemed like things would get better but it’s just not possible. And I’m so lonely, I’ve pushed so many people away and I wish I hadn’t. it’d be so much better if I just had someone to turn to who can comfort me but I know that wouldn’t happen either cause I’m a monster. I’m a monster that wears a mask to make me look like a positive and happy person but it gets torn off at any thing could slightly upset me. I want it to stop. Please. Why must it be like this",1.7745873233014144,3.4631186589147305,3.4542856057151567,90.57028385772915,78.17312661498708,5.9999696002431975,20.426280589755283,6.794906146795322,0.2479485332117344,1439,35,314,14,34,479,181,387,0.247,0.584,0.16899999999999998,-0.9903,2,2,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,3,5,20,40,5,5,11,2,33,15,8,6,2,70,75,36,1,15,16,0,3,5,4,7,5,1,0,6,29,23,0,2,8,0,0,9,13,25,0,0,5,5,39,14,38,53,7,31,1,10,1,2,12,10,2,6,16,206,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798087932074568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059749022126188274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078215610430948,0.08213890220573478,0.0,0.08254903290902091,0.0,0.0,0.05355972452432031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108264114404621,0.0,0.2927838858834844,0.0,0.09808280217387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805164978293532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015048056338602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118665424901397,0.0,0.1006972098745134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781945678175207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947600861874597,0.07402733763225616,0.0,0.07896450094075591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327666511933547,0.06276847194522102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245359643279156,0.2295207639008504,0.0,0.24966936680580246,0.0736942910314323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769588034816073,0.18706099348377386,0.0,0.08674531595252999,0.09017153261935502,0.09339296168938857,0.0,0.0,0.058891897921501714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405785082884524,0.0,0.0,0.09170486929777424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828653554819764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205937236717416,0.2146241339422248,0.0,0.0775835599067987,0.0,0.07378176518487344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729683849411895,0.08907805270518254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708801435244828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645885165275595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084305745886625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349112678559404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091229421653518,0.07671751579067122,0.0,0.09644584813367472,0.0,0.09905095351442847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796496765033486,0.0,0.0,0.15997212614227305,0.0916589966679759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792523098641293,0.0,0.07444499959823782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218901887517639,0.0,0.07016652961486364,0.1469127616322738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29185730690159617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930476008114825,0.09556838460313392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554694597154259,0.0697405899543786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928158885509694,0.0,0.20207341777817986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241448639899363,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sickandfamous,2019/06/01,"Feels like being invalidated I‘m in a bad episode since yesterday. I was in so much pain and tried explaining my bf some of my triggers, more like just telling some of the things that make me react certain way. Normally being so kind and accepting he wasn’t very accepting of what I said. The thing that hurt me the most was his reaction to some trigger I’ve mentioned before and he just replied that we already been through it months ago, so why do I even bring it up. I feel misunderstood and invalidated.  He constantly asks me why I am crying/angry/etc  but now that I explained something hoping for nothing more but acceptance and a little understanding, I felt like getting kicked in heart. Today I got  up and and am crying again non stop. 

I’m new to this bpd thing, or I shall say newly discovered that I have it. My bf knows I do and I try to find and share any sort of useful information that would help him get a glimpse of what’s it‘s like. 
Alas, still seems he doesn’t understand as much as I thought he did.

Kindly asking, how do I explain irrational, stupid triggers and pains to someone, who doesn’t have bpd? 

It would be a huge help also if you could recommend some literature that could compassionately inform the reader (bpd or a close person) about the disorder. I had several books in my wishlist but I’m afraid to give him something that would only deepen the hole I‘m in. Thank You. ❤️",4.6663186813186766,6.089481593406596,5.250716117216118,81.72970054945056,70.06227106227107,8.536923076923078,28.66831501831502,8.982922981607832,2.232408205128205,1117,41,218,21,20,359,162,273,0.121,0.705,0.174,0.9311,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,0,0,12,20,1,1,11,0,24,3,1,7,1,59,51,23,0,8,8,0,3,4,2,4,2,2,0,1,20,12,0,1,17,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,10,5,28,14,22,32,9,22,0,1,0,0,31,10,0,11,14,141,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105138122769504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334946693318396,0.0821418080371377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985028318630203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205086126983828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576342332233028,0.0,0.0,0.08740360158512167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881009570519115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099931621754952,0.0,0.16402045618952424,0.0,0.1128285104544918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772123418104165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455529643046355,0.0678428335896312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387241463746248,0.0733802058096519,0.09862329986610786,0.0,0.09388040307574744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732955810892728,0.09853437878124544,0.0,0.0,0.08215122841651848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171874702659245,0.1376965045053907,0.0,0.0,0.10201999052244752,0.0,0.0,0.10995941494095422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392545052711714,0.05644993109684247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072705461612364,0.10294824093365362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856361070117845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198679144390958,0.0,0.15101589982527114,0.0,0.0,0.0992035837208193,0.0,0.0,0.10063969973653666,0.09855860422244622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812001336483461,0.21859375932841965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968749634111955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770627113716526,0.0816837466467673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350862922369856,0.0,0.11603964520425485,0.0,0.08496759176727345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870307850856335,0.1581513204498854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202899042342778,0.0858750289002485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977815831831767,0.09456693123262473,0.0,0.0,0.20471948974173287,0.0,0.0,0.08154489147661713,0.0,0.0,0.0973625917291832,0.0,0.0,0.13947460528378133,0.0,0.0,0.213861592312474,0.0,0.08871349341042117,0.0,0.08475131278792575,0.0,0.08153104075251398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537011103856127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889912477679385,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,jackrubycks,2019/06/01,"Every day is a new day to fuck up For those of you that have managed this illness, how have you done it? Just like every other “project” I’ve started, my path to behavior management is always disregarded and I go back to my old ways. I’m so exhausted from fucking everything up, school, losing jobs, spending all my money, using drugs. I check every box that BPD has to offer and I’m sick of it. I don’t want to be alive if this is how I’m going to live.

Sorry for the negativity, I just don’t know what to do.",3.6002403204272366,3.969571560747664,5.590120160213621,82.20971962616825,71.71028037383178,8.357276368491322,26.50066755674232,8.418075326091056,1.6227340453938583,395,12,85,6,7,138,71,107,0.201,0.743,0.055999999999999994,-0.9483,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,6,5,2,0,2,0,11,6,0,3,1,12,22,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,9,1,14,20,1,11,0,1,0,2,3,2,2,1,7,56,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471144237658013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429712695078979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417654597421034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398232583035416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027437218098853,0.0,0.0,0.2156236565789568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699706009571021,0.0,0.16710490632420194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437847727841471,0.0,0.0,0.2113404157820644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845101603254879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218410682485814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908376431688878,0.0,0.16418255489578226,0.0,0.0,0.20801185923370852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957558847939806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951057739311244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817447715352914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813716323043974,0.13160458243543094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058671660564494,0.0,0.0,0.10966830745675676,0.14758523909452131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,iashar,2019/06/01,"Second guess to the point where if I'm ever sure about something, I'm lying. Ive recently realized that the (rare) times I don't visibly second guess myself or hide my views are when I'm either lying about being sure or the thing that I am ""sure"" of is a lie.

Does anyone else experience this (I'm not sure if this is a BPD thing, OCD thing, anxiety thing, or a just me thing). If so, how do you work on trusting yourself?",7.018409090909093,4.636494931818183,7.8740909090909135,77.79363636363638,65.5909090909091,11.072727272727272,31.09090909090909,9.516144504307137,2.443627272727273,326,8,71,5,4,111,56,88,0.115,0.777,0.10800000000000001,-0.1531,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,1,5,18,14,9,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,7,5,5,13,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,8,4,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038447520625375,0.0,0.0,0.1100338893054635,0.16123995106020647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198196829741853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377119509069809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145900843855227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234645697348736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393403667632727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34671253909126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876163130659598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537983172310413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211479504099594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5932619563267783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227345245602429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176131602723946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456424222019998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fwendliest,2019/06/01,"DAE ignore people when they hurt you in order to illicit a response from them? Whenever my friends, boyfriend, or anyone else hurts my feelings, I always have a MASSIVE mood swing and I feel the lowest of the low. I feel betrayed and backstabbed. The sad thing is, I know this is irrational, but I can't help but to ignore them.

​

Sometimes, I ignore them to make them respond to me so they know I'm upset. Other times, I ignore them for the fear of hurting those who are close to me because I know I will lash out and push them away. Most of the time though, it's just for attention.

​

I feel so alone in this, I just cannot. Help. Ignoring them. It's always a vicious cycle.. Someone close to me hurts my feelings, I ignore them / drop off the face of the Earth for hours or days, wait for some sort of ""are you okay?"" or ""I'm sorry"" response, require attention or validation for my feelings.. etc.. it's getting so exhausting at this point, but the only thing I know is to isolate myself  completely from everyone and everything when I'm hurt.",3.58314391776128,5.419646092233009,4.315494003426615,85.7054911479155,73.51456310679612,6.9829811536265005,27.6516276413478,7.724431198458867,1.6751482581382071,829,32,159,11,17,265,109,206,0.311,0.6679999999999999,0.021,-0.9962,1,1,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,2,10,1,9,20,1,2,11,1,9,2,1,1,0,40,25,17,0,0,9,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,8,12,0,0,1,2,17,0,0,0,6,33,2,25,24,3,19,0,7,0,0,17,10,0,7,6,111,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210756578709567,0.0,0.0,0.18013443694322342,0.2345634575502414,0.26305527002926915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568633439501686,0.11090820228939224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016982808968591,0.0,0.0,0.06598420014727371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349119396268305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698080680665564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904235098361063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207200554180496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343125155128607,0.0972822299009116,0.0,0.0,0.12180397048699765,0.3283868326171905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362861805391668,0.0,0.056552733075809485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510660067867465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065979905624972,0.0,0.5793842397093341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379510689666792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225334088792726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232401850041153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504237650043226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232504406858386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171432073410526,0.0,0.10705553610702773,0.1211696760418498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382427186902044,0.0,0.10634863634673317,0.0,0.12623524794410082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26305527002926915,0.0
bpd,nnonname,2019/06/01,"Could the fear of abandonment part of BPD equate to fear of others abandoning you when they pass away? I’m a 23 y/o female and never felt like I suffered from the intense fear of abandonment. Also, I HATE having to recall my childhood. I feel like I’m not the way I am all because of my childhood. It wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t much of a childhood. I barely have family in the US as I am first generation, where that comes with a whole other wave of feeling like I don’t belong and having that burden of being the best of the best... but ANYWAYY, I experienced a lot of death while I was in high school. I lost all of my grandparents by the age of 18. They all moved to the US for me, and then they all died too young given my family’s genetics... a close family friend who was around my age passed away in a car accident. I had a bunch of friends pass away in car accidents unrelated to each other. I’ve had friends commit suicide, overdose, etc. 

I am TERRIFIED of losing any of my loved ones by them dying. The only reason I care about myself dying is that I would be ripped from my parents, my sister, my one best friend left, and my long term boyfriend. 

If my parents or my sister are out for a longer time than I thought, I immediately panic. I think they are dead. I am terrified they are dead somewhere and I will never see them ever again. I get paranoid that my boyfriend is dead when I don’t hear from him. He has bipolar and sometimes he will disappear on me for a long period of time, and we live an hour away from each other so I can’t always go check up on him.. 

I’m sure this is a mix of PTSD and all... but this is the only thing I can think of that links me to the fear of abandonment symptom. I am so terrified that everyone I love is just going to die suddenly and violently and that I will be alone. I am tortured and tormented by the idea that parents or my sister or my boyfriend are going to suddenly be killed. I can’t live without them. I can’t handle it. 

I’m terrified they will leave me through premature death.",3.664522167487681,4.443699980952381,5.033037766830869,84.77357142857146,71.80952380952381,8.364532019704432,26.38752052545156,8.641336200584522,1.6873505747126436,1592,50,340,27,29,533,195,420,0.285,0.61,0.105,-0.9984,4,1,0,0,0,2,45.0,3,1,9,6,12,32,4,5,24,0,41,4,0,1,10,55,64,26,11,3,10,6,3,3,4,5,2,1,0,0,19,19,0,4,9,0,1,11,11,18,0,3,10,6,64,14,55,44,18,53,0,7,1,2,31,17,0,5,27,256,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058556725774264,0.0,0.06222298696165456,0.06474244481987784,0.0,0.0,0.05291207198658345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926556891351937,0.0,0.0,0.292412509277906,0.0,0.0,0.04743100219493432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449639194599351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799638522496228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079330387412006,0.0,0.0,0.06702465659998907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062123314246450276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230094580392979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677642830747688,0.0,0.0703817424887735,0.0,0.07434882757393779,0.0,0.0,0.22005122259920373,0.3502222882827019,0.07868407156000583,0.11117202551161674,0.07470783086378742,0.0,0.0,0.06618339981788109,0.0,0.0,0.2404569068123217,0.0,0.0406514408094872,0.0,0.13266014778993104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681923885692231,0.0,0.0,0.08769521097678916,0.0,0.0,0.08220836776928407,0.0,0.0,0.07662515440151613,0.0,0.0,0.08783570114526584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860829649512245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238738110300063,0.0845385618841835,0.0,0.0,0.11403909775686505,0.0,0.13741168510152588,0.1377151689268826,0.0,0.08704718999088852,0.08493656529124835,0.06614953394885148,0.14044941966234584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269753378800722,0.057197793610666486,0.0,0.1200205705925146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544935690303484,0.1183528994357345,0.0,0.09129086093596853,0.25918955098563456,0.08425842407826373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095332605351804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999952822740862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874579615105405,0.0620028597876398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695404895018798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510926508157172,0.0,0.07333306905972785,0.08087224887794077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051692142508953286,0.0997123811516291,0.0,0.06177081854401181,0.09074087901271786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718675957212466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176032652483333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686979394386576,0.0,0.07500408415255279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055272533002706535,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lakosjulia1322,2019/06/01,"Married & just diagnosed with BPD. Hi all! I’m 22 years old. My husband and I have been married almost 3 years and together 7. I have struggle with severe anxiety since the 2nd grade and depression from age 14 on. I was just diagnosed with bpd on Tuesday and am really struggling with the news. Is it normal that we really have a great relationship? He feels bad for me and understands my childhood. He’s always been able to talk me out of a bad mood or panic attacks. I just have been searching horror stories and am looking for hope. I don’t feel bad all the time. I do have a fear of abandonment and can be impulsive (ex. Going vegan and throwing everything in my house away, spending way to much money). It’s honestly making me depressed reading everything and trying to grasp my mind around this diagnoses..... I’ve never ever self mutilated, had dangerous sex (husband is the only person I’ve had sex with), I don’t drink, and I don’t do drugs. Is there any hope I can continue living a semi normal life? I have been in counseling for almost 9 years too...",3.406591154261058,5.475819281553399,5.026731391585763,79.40723840345201,74.63106796116504,8.461272923408847,27.4638619201726,9.150863307647796,2.5820548004314983,836,33,152,20,18,282,123,206,0.212,0.7290000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9864,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,0,7,17,2,4,8,0,26,8,0,1,4,40,35,11,0,4,4,3,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,18,1,1,4,2,2,2,4,12,0,0,7,3,18,4,21,27,3,21,0,3,1,2,11,7,0,5,11,98,22,2,0.11072764916412517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217554921241761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921342743115858,0.11997336160780644,0.0,0.07529859844448569,0.0,0.0847063485356523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857108338094243,0.0,0.12596868608663833,0.10403227132101588,0.0,0.2773588858651473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27891519583419844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073912394849465,0.3371586993086488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847094172454172,0.12840891932838766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015949794650164,0.0,0.0,0.1990297426173631,0.0,0.0,0.12459938942853555,0.11197445282196407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292907473964868,0.0,0.0,0.12207762410638892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995507961423647,0.0,0.12776484055664752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782102132102421,0.0,0.0,0.09777454283649588,0.0,0.0929833378268135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391156563134045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180336075117643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139756262223524,0.0,0.08539998917841803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697917294975766,0.0,0.0,0.11619004140230045,0.0,0.0,0.08421336676828375,0.0,0.1299150386893163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668311228558632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075761363853456,0.0,0.14186993479607785,0.0,0.0,0.11888005653636848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551308688115385,0.12509072618318698,0.0,0.09159505561651864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315131609129637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899869010931971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456618267576833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517680542865811,0.0,0.0,0.11527138780013747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789045395865296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391492713934834
bpd,moodiejoolie,2019/05/04,Demisexuality and bpd I'm curious if being demisexual or having demisexual tendencies is common for bpd folks. It's basically when you're only attracted to people if you have an emotional connection to them. I see it as being related to my symptoms because it's like I'm obsessed with finding a deep and all consuming connection (re: favorite person) and in the world of intimacy can't really settle for anything less. I've had sex with people I didn't feel this way about but I wasn't into it and genuinely feel like I cannot be physically attracted to someone unless I've tricked myself into thinking I'm in love with them. tHoUgHts?,5.494618916437094,7.218676570247936,7.5971349862259006,64.54095500459138,68.42148760330579,10.99761248852158,34.93204775022957,10.980518767755715,4.635390449954087,519,26,83,17,9,184,82,121,0.027000000000000003,0.7929999999999999,0.18,0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,2,7,1,1,3,0,11,3,0,0,1,20,20,11,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,3,9,5,17,13,2,9,0,0,1,2,5,6,0,3,4,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142140646021995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439156304838293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5553282357116501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24799002883825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229443797223699,0.15749806650044335,0.0,0.0,0.20149823516531554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541315295827407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897552406848404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767125308787148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056811251859971,0.19249887768962806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123357523637084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567963683509472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186796701177962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291443872359304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141263120513135,0.0,0.1750221684287833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499244021745153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rangjanglerdupree,2019/05/04,"I feel like this explains everything Everything in my life finally makes sense, my addictions, attachments, hurt, and pain. I thought everyone felt like this until a few years ago. I thought I was just not handling things well because of a lack of coping skills that others learned. Why breakups were always devastating, rejection is like a knife to the heart, and abandonment triggers me. 

I can't stop thinking that my partner would be better off without me, and that I should remove myself from society. I know it's a symptom, but the way people write about this online makes me feel worse. 

I know that people like me, but the definition itself is that everyone hates me. Which is also a paranoia of people who have BPD. So WTF. I keep everyone at a safe distance, except romantic partners. We know how those go. If I feel myself becoming too close to anyone, and those familiar feelings come up, I go cold to them. 

I haven't had a proper evaluation yet, but I fit or have fit every quality in the past. I used to be very impulsive. If I had a thought, I would likely do that thing without hesitation. I now overthink everything that I do, and then regret nearly everything I do or say shortly after, or apologize for it. 

For those of you who are still relatively young (I'm almost 40), I think that things can improve significantly with age. Before I knew what BPD was I focused on individual symptoms for years. My social awareness and emotional regulation has greatly improved. I have quit using drugs and alcohol, and I do not accept co-dependent relationships anymore. Also, at my age I meet more people who are comfortable talking about mental illness. Almost everyone I know has something going on that they struggle with. 

What remains is a lingering feeling of emptiness, anxiety, and paranoia, with bouts of deep depression. I think about dying or suicide so much, that I only notice when I don't want to die. I have finally accepted that I am not afraid of being alone (I love being alone), but afraid of the inevitable pain of trying to meet people and form relationships, being used, being vulnerable, and not coping with loss and detachment like a ""normal"" person.

Thanks for listening. I hope you are having a good evening. Also LOL at the ""seeking support"" flair. So perfect.",6.131220883534138,7.832522672289162,6.666204819277109,71.90790160642571,66.85542168674698,9.581526104417673,33.833333333333336,9.888512548439397,3.6894273092369474,1819,83,292,42,30,593,226,415,0.156,0.647,0.19699999999999998,0.9628,0,2,3,0,0,2,65.0,1,2,2,5,18,31,1,3,17,1,37,11,1,7,1,81,73,32,3,10,18,0,6,6,2,3,9,2,0,3,30,19,1,4,21,0,0,5,9,12,1,0,10,9,50,19,42,54,5,38,0,6,0,1,23,15,0,9,23,223,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141512340620899,0.0,0.0,0.0662016723470675,0.07981305151585312,0.14956779299705578,0.15469742611641504,0.0,0.1791710896094432,0.06214195615255685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713203078741549,0.0,0.07406513128322394,0.0522198526071428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552585659793434,0.08248113088861403,0.06354944335904099,0.0,0.0,0.06605074409813068,0.0,0.0,0.18812039275628228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643324990763696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432406596539486,0.0,0.15501762123892154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660817588377588,0.0,0.0,0.08400794093408395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049327192842531765,0.0,0.06292336242025755,0.2854499298534441,0.26847983839229256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880898529511825,0.05335330750911589,0.07170706578514516,0.16362240800816602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733163089668387,0.06264027224523896,0.0,0.08233789673940686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373366554199064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849931215210473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417673289906859,0.0,0.0,0.07994933257730846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638138002082378,0.0,0.0,0.16417454813309287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275057166626894,0.2189170530152254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740401681301551,0.0,0.0997025114692203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526255612985541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490034848800973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317315055775259,0.0,0.08502670385404658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679952856063045,0.1589352323605614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129304986703149,0.2588777664730117,0.06521001841318162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943420220139093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603624561194927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059390649089300536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612956726440319,0.0,0.05749436063741323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059641669063672874,0.06243804815911986,0.0,0.07807453198979675,0.0,0.0816907089868119,0.08474899798767538,0.0,0.1552477592625191,0.0,0.06002709349730971,0.0,0.06875775976065741,0.0,0.0,0.1488475232358003,0.1435608996840613,0.0,0.17786907066062674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070462411022124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193505519993168,0.0,0.06162101622752205,0.04404976806249815,0.05927961963054314,0.0,0.0,0.06714868072284247,0.0,0.0673894848625407,0.0,0.0,0.1439828391293492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761080112615745,0.10610483839005022,0.0,0.0,0.09618636945548494
bpd,The-real-Tom-Cruise,2019/05/04,"How likely it is that I'm suffering from BPD if I have all the aspects of abuse required to develop the disorder? First of all. I'm a 22 year old male. I know the list is long and I might sound like I'm doing it for attention. I'm not. Hope I get some compassion here.

I've been bullied, abused and tortured mentally in every aspect and area of life:

-severe explosive anger issues.

-severe PTSD from bullying and all (I regularly dream about my past bullies and often see my ex, who I see apologizing to and  who I was abusive to)",1.7894307561597282,4.0724463457943925,3.9737298215802888,83.89826677994904,80.86915887850466,7.629226847918438,26.549702633814782,8.575989854853784,2.2051383177570094,417,18,83,10,11,143,73,107,0.325,0.616,0.057999999999999996,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,2,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,3,19,16,8,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,9,3,11,13,4,7,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,5,7,52,14,1,0.0,0.5971233042715901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211577972122629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192531501542778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153911997476135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289251067274605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877680272653924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685232786856094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753382860030311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232310612159493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865655623968364,0.16414320447094524,0.0,0.0,0.14866617837579693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929476671197913,0.1782112200174114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627761920405785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036580294456412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963717359577641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677331272894934,0.0,0.0,0.37956257059466586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818028123933876
bpd,cailleachbheara,2019/05/04,"How to not feel worthless when everyone else in the world is worth so much I met someone a few weeks ago and she told me to message her about meeting up for lunch, I forgot about it for a while but messaged her a few days ago about it but she never responded. I get that this is completely normal and my wise mind is telling me that people don’t always want to be friends with me etc but I can’t help but feel like my heart is being pulled out of my chest
I feel so badly hurt by this and I don’t even know why
I wouldn’t ever think that anyone has to reply to anyone, or do anything they’re uncomfortable with but I just feel a deep shame for potentially making someone ELSE feel bad for perhaps even not wanting to hang out with me
I just feel a million emotions at once and I understand that this is a jumbled mess but there’s been so much terrible gender based violence on the news and I have so many exams and deadlines that I feel overwhelmed and I’m making everything about me again and I want to be able to be detached, fine and able to deal with the world and try to change it and my interactions with it but I feel so dazed and confused 
I’m on 10mg lexapro and have a weird relationship with all of my doctors and get into a strange role around them for some reason that entails me disguising what’s really happening in my life by bringing up things that aren’t about me as a person
I don’t know who I am as a person either, which doesn’t help at all
Help 
Who am I",5.553186750428324,4.91104491262136,6.010150390253187,84.34704740148491,67.51132686084142,9.082885969921948,29.8269560251285,8.313332769828598,1.8427466590519708,1174,36,256,14,17,380,157,309,0.158,0.745,0.09699999999999999,-0.9768,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,20,15,0,3,13,0,23,5,2,4,4,67,49,32,0,5,13,0,8,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,19,24,1,1,13,0,1,3,10,11,0,1,4,8,35,4,44,40,9,27,0,3,0,0,24,15,0,3,10,184,54,2,0.2200243412295257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950383029908843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153893884272477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538461352084316,0.0,0.09053064277152444,0.09793415578174873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371113450378104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637828941716034,0.0,0.11534566782044373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094874896672185,0.11341771728561915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260211823902105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838021041904556,0.12374888470825735,0.0,0.0,0.12269265063943567,0.14532400228311831,0.0995123066366834,0.0,0.10512134349040513,0.09887184532283784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450036716695952,0.07859271666865762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499513011997735,0.0,0.114953637122637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728339915386193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036495186644356,0.2212165170181344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177703039689358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091962380612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770484955161297,0.05374638963299334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686795628771818,0.11153507391041703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108093137632792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617432071288738,0.0,0.08484816801329631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778856940698356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715937129588234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626858728018705,0.19211676802715452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047661351844207,0.11311083389311845,0.0,0.11811190033472566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642591031780245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615548610000416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308719781807918,0.07049135683318375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512134349040513,0.0,0.07469104245888653,0.0,0.0,0.11452654939754499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946640856369301,0.0,0.08824512743532648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992688726812959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,so_distraught,2019/05/04,"I am brave I was not stupid for believing you 

I was not pathetic for opening up to you

I was not deluded to imagine our future, it shows I can still have hope

It was not shameful to be honest 

I was not being a doormat because I didn't kick you out

I was brave to be vulnerable

I am brave enough to cry, I am brave enough to be a human, I am brave enough to live again",0.9279365079365078,2.3306351975308672,3.3450793650793638,91.69,79.74074074074075,6.603880070546737,22.682539682539684,7.447530270364453,0.7112243386243384,285,9,68,4,7,99,40,81,0.055,0.6,0.345,0.9790000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,3,0,0,2,9,1,1,2,0,17,0,0,0,0,9,18,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,0,15,7,11,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813368225254895,0.0,0.0,0.2922657827284981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28494926078112576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8041183731150123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25765226153538706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906342628316564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071648388303902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nipplesandflipflops,2019/05/04,"If you think about this and/or does this, please consider my advice! (Yes, I'm aware it sounds like clickbait) I have a history of self-harm and sometimes, it is the only thing that makes sense, and I think many of you lovable people are on the same boat.

My advice is: if you believe it's the only way, know that I understand. I don't want to encourage it, everyone knows it's a terrible habit, and not doing it is best. However, I will not be a hypocrite and say it doesn't happen or tell you how to live your life. So, at least do it consciously, take precaution, be honest with yourself and others, if self-harm is necessary for you now don't take unnecessary risks. Even in god awful crisis moments, take care of yourself. Hopefully in the (near) future you won't have to do it, and having complications because you didn't properly clean a knife is not worth it.

​

I sincerely hope you all the best!",4.361996542783062,5.689862719101129,5.196067415730337,82.19685825410545,70.68539325842697,8.84770959377701,27.73725151253241,9.265573868473778,2.294690924805531,716,25,140,15,13,233,108,178,0.09300000000000001,0.715,0.192,0.9646,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,9,0,2,5,11,0,1,9,2,20,1,0,2,1,27,35,12,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,16,7,0,0,6,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,2,17,9,14,30,5,9,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,6,4,98,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880491318423384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596934150889171,0.1790909584418684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984555713390932,0.0,0.0,0.16605432635460393,0.30934647246303304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027055142937226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897908406657796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734751752018957,0.0,0.0,0.1408342966943849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303335616246552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292776474369178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199973868141138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410357661898856,0.07200569106611429,0.0,0.13014514593130871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838175885095292,0.14942696858096713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224188435751686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217937188426301,0.0,0.0,0.16178632425354844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720781012640676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075129192731389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576920329923349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33244934108379903,0.0,0.12882246181943846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791716658389232,0.18887887717189408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534347402885901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693248735871571,0.11698869280878145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790909584418684,0.0
bpd,DragonballKier,2019/05/04,I havent done shit today I woke up at noon today and didnt get out of bed till 3pm to go pee. Its now 5:30 and I havent eaten yet im not really hungry but I feel like I need to force myself to eat. Ive just been laying in bed watching one piece all day. I dont know why im doing this but im blaming it on the weather; its rainy where I am. Hopefully tomorrows a better day.,-1.7386516853932577,-0.09828391011235738,1.934932584269664,97.04194943820228,90.34831460674158,4.908314606741573,14.517977528089885,6.2581,-0.7616391011235959,288,5,75,3,10,106,65,89,0.068,0.782,0.149,0.7822,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,9,4,2,0,1,12,17,5,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,2,9,3,10,12,2,16,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,1,10,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283480402948112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520619381130346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998446924808788,0.2290330302859073,0.0,0.0,0.19996540734284984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988111925703816,0.13960945593531418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209988543936536,0.0,0.11106277844039918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409805701977725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6332676119909367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739877438418884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547327708220027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490287463336954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242294793327425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519228354142045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005977886260868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704742528256985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633788337888745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,versperalaxis,2019/05/04,"anyone else sick of the stigma? small rant i mean, i’m sure we all are. 

but i’m just so sick of the constant “you must be manipulative then. your emotions aren’t real, like so fake!” blah blah blah.

we may have *behaviours* that are maladaptive, but that does not make us bad people. 

also, it’s not our fault that the medical field (and the general population) stigmatises us so much we can’t get help, like??? so many professionals put their preconceived notions onto us.

some of us are lucky to find people that want to help, and hopefully those people can teach others. just know you’re not alone and that we eventually will be able to beat this, with or without society’s help.",2.2505641025641023,4.937897800000002,3.493076923076924,85.45525641025644,82.53846153846153,7.1589743589743575,20.974358974358974,8.238735603445708,1.3153743589743585,534,16,105,12,15,173,86,130,0.124,0.642,0.23399999999999999,0.9564,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,9,2,1,1,7,8,0,0,4,0,12,3,0,2,3,32,20,12,0,3,9,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,13,5,9,15,3,5,0,0,0,0,15,2,0,5,4,67,22,2,0.13814085048241465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307225999906772,0.0,0.11047118822187237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659129459206116,0.14154162604968115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534184000563677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928118393527545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208879891719249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539895473128545,0.15538986354256115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625823470841058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217289282371908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777787005826229,0.0,0.0,0.13720503413199106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591859872979137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497728356365346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221009037829547,0.1400531403253342,0.0,0.1504758835533643,0.0,0.1391623737064741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101549419794548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873084165079682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886970949375033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723453072996355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019611674986264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6646657371841695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147905272054977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316285029730252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,master_wolfie_666,2019/05/04,"I have destroyed everything. I have been with an amazing person for about 4 months now. This week I have messed everything up. I can't take it. I just don't want to be here anymore.
We went away last weekend and met some new friends and she became very friendly with one.... I can't get past it I feel like she has been cheating on me with him. She said she hasn't but I got it into my head that she has and I can't let it go. It has destroyed me and her also the relationship. I need help I really do not want to loose her she means the world to me.
Is there anyway I can make things better?????",-0.9536395450568698,1.1639272362204736,1.0057611548556444,100.4184930008749,95.53543307086616,4.082064741907262,15.716972878390205,5.82211442006289,-0.7947599300087491,457,11,110,4,18,149,80,127,0.10300000000000001,0.774,0.12300000000000001,0.5507,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,3,0,18,1,1,1,0,19,31,6,0,3,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,6,2,26,5,12,23,1,14,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,1,8,81,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307141948216696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898284171464671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983706687487985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928759844559246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440559806939273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678322363203877,0.1367441566430898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957675438559057,0.0,0.10000442043288936,0.0,0.10878336191860433,0.0,0.15308897437751598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964430517284142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829885235082303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560256263832419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573085912478946,0.0,0.09351381444109724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277684222644217,0.0,0.0,0.20850284553005544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278254575835035,0.0,0.0,0.14192893492887965,0.0,0.18486607174507647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970514220553558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827235917270036,0.0,0.16713282435334142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262287762962185,0.0,0.0,0.2055039307125226,0.0,0.0,0.18207582682515933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391735585006488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271650561358641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793423667469808,0.2257984992964436,0.0,0.15353847074506288,0.0,0.0,0.1774400444219325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,secretcocktail,2019/05/04,"FP paying attention to/helping someone else My FP's close friend who she has known their whole life had a parent die recently, and I can't help but feel super jealous by the type of support she is providing for that friend. I am emotionally dumping on my FP more and more hoping that she will feel the need to ""rescue"" me, but I feel like since I often dump and make things about myself its wearing on her and I feel the distance. I feel like a total fucking monster for even thinking these things and it's making my shame and guilt so much worse. In the back of my mind I'm almost like ""how am I supposed to compete with a dead relative in terms of getting support?"". I tried get her to talk me off the ledge of a bad moment I had yesterday morning but I felt almost ignored. A rational person would give her space and ler her live her life but all I can think about is how I'm not her #1 priority and it's ruining my life.",3.3776616541353377,4.5172473526315775,4.546015037593988,86.6421052631579,72.84210526315789,7.323308270676691,26.72932330827068,7.7094869923839395,1.4013007518796985,727,25,152,9,14,239,114,190,0.19,0.674,0.136,-0.8984,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,8,18,4,2,10,0,11,5,1,4,2,39,31,15,2,3,5,1,6,3,2,2,3,0,0,1,9,10,0,1,10,0,1,0,2,9,0,0,3,6,29,9,18,26,7,12,0,1,0,1,18,7,1,4,8,102,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27176429977962097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043435428399878,0.11330233234627812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083331192273227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335843715288595,0.1526422151881889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896273840398839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430654464617166,0.19388564831503655,0.13029155630273154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968019182246408,0.12545080312361825,0.14179342186158467,0.13017408237364406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191129169080664,0.0,0.0,0.13477893517257536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28754296398838664,0.19888586449782011,0.0,0.11982400036953125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115920996598284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370165029803981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997537936846794,0.10061849895045974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067679690721558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848643773879412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398560584338048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122509567382428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497664801776272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079774279426385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906907633800103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030371430255893,0.17389985993013587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213017315281516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150219886962565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828806304929867,0.0963961108554616,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Matt2473k,2019/05/04,I love all of you here Never posted on this sub and I haven't been officially diagnosed but everything points to this being among the mental illnesses I'm suffering from. On top of other shit. I just wanted to come by and say that I feel all of your pains. I hope you all find the strength to make it.,1.8169892473118312,3.9069517741935513,3.4754838709677434,88.5498924731183,79.64516129032258,7.359139784946238,20.010752688172047,8.344100000000001,0.9785397849462372,238,6,51,5,6,79,46,62,0.221,0.61,0.168,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,2,2,6,1,0,2,0,3,5,1,1,4,14,10,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,8,3,11,8,3,8,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,1,1,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435939936184951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28702053446832143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414866894254245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298444928898296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846010761691124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808690298041535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552242471090586,0.0,0.1887609939864918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849804823506667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810100633179447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30090287594325354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26732296099715425,0.0,0.27082958929547923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488175654552495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902744475516662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679375237039046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Rumerhazzit,2019/05/04,"Friendly Self-Care Reminder I've noticed a trend of posts on this sub generally concerning uncomfortable emotions, difficult situations, negative feelings, so here's a little break from the turmoil.  


Are you taking care of yourself today? Have you eaten? Are you drinking enough water?  


Try being kind and patient with yourself. If you feel like you can't get a shower today, that's okay, maybe just try to get dressed. Can't get out of bed? That's okay too, but maybe try to get out from under the covers and sit up for a little while.  


You're doing your best, and that's all you can do. Try to talk to yourself like you'd talk to a friend in your position. Not every day is gonna be a good day, and on those days self-care is even more important.  


Try getting some reasonably healthy food, make sure you drink water, even just splashing some water around your face can make you feel more refreshed and awake. Maybe do something nice for yourself, like wearing your favourite shirt, or drinking your favourite tea, maybe even painting your nails or a nice, hot bubble bath!  


You're doing okay, and you're gonna be okay. Take care of yourself, friend.",4.3928008192524315,6.4565834285714345,4.06558371735791,87.38662954429087,71.85714285714286,6.4812083973374275,27.26292882744496,7.1686216300943375,1.3387994879672296,912,33,171,9,18,275,120,217,0.032,0.7090000000000001,0.259,0.9951,1,0,4,0,0,0,33.0,0,15,0,1,9,20,0,1,9,4,17,12,3,3,2,28,34,12,0,1,7,0,4,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,10,9,0,4,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,4,15,18,22,27,7,19,0,0,0,0,20,10,0,5,9,95,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988500626186771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596213857267207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058919743570542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953525415389536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29673746929800365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357803810234922,0.0,0.10432934847064916,0.0,0.2000698645576948,0.0,0.0850718631480748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316090755806835,0.07213322842791085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209373144510495,0.0,0.2340282940740741,0.0,0.26376416660034946,0.0,0.0,0.08468912758370846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514506752300892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798701832322445,0.2023976056644441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479696705620126,0.0,0.4057530965978884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495539710501262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670167139700417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381432230268713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066816314707548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134948884930254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773189784844395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516334702838287,0.0,0.15183425396917336,0.16231226325997475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141614532268947,0.0,0.0,0.34276115240550264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,lml40,2019/05/04,"The usual. Hey all. May I rant?! My daughter nearly 19 has recently been given a tentative diagnosis of BPD. It's been a tough few years. But honestly, we've/I've/she's had a tough from the start and her journey is a complicated one. I'll try and be brief. I put her through abusive relationships when she was a child (I had partners who were abusive to me). I also have MS. So there is a lot of guilt, and I personally feel I am responsible for how my daughter feels. We live in the UK, and luckily have the NHS. My daughter rejects most treatments, and all she wants to do is lay in bed, go online, or eat. I try to encourage her to try out any treatment, self care....anything really than her self imposed isolation. It's all so hard breaking and hard. I love her so much.",1.5548467741935497,3.791935141935486,3.566189516129036,86.74928427419356,81.45161290322581,6.971774193548387,25.81653225806452,8.07648339933343,1.6976532258064516,597,25,125,12,16,202,101,155,0.154,0.746,0.1,-0.6833,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,10,0,16,2,0,1,3,20,23,14,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,8,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,4,0,1,7,4,20,3,14,14,7,14,0,1,0,1,21,4,0,4,5,86,23,0,0.0,0.4050350901511597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668823548948636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623449964553835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065627364399266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152733842398601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426888687820272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748984023386223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284909368451962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714031425050264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062295010924401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092943692770186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531387057153825,0.15426600591353176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564915096975166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582284323203156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492446527935542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182630022513018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949859111869616,0.0,0.16876729189472586,0.18350891218148604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566229952086387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098121835595327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348139482452345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824915372735013,0.0,0.10081567986178047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006975356070883
bpd,buttmuncheries,2019/05/04,"A Breakup Letter To My FP I need to be honest with you and myself that my BPD is no longer in remission. 

I need to be honest and say that the inconsistency in our friendship and how little we see and speak to each other triggers very powerful emotional responses that I’m unable to suppress as well as I used to.

I don’t blame you. I know you’re busy. I know you’re about quality over quantity. I’m not asking you to change.  I just think I’m more unstable than I come across and I need to be more honest with myself about my needs for consistency and stability in my friendships. 

I need time to work on myself again. I need to start meds again. I should probably give myself space while I figure it out and get my emotions under control again.",3.9141818181818167,5.1568760666666655,5.146848484848487,82.45009090909092,71.66666666666666,8.387878787878789,25.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,1.7862,590,18,119,11,11,196,87,150,0.05,0.799,0.151,0.9334,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,3,0,3,8,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,4,0,31,25,11,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,13,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,27,4,26,21,3,17,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,0,6,85,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450846318963407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954603210149284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641737591861986,0.13368514425175065,0.0,0.0,0.17406229748810972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491427773926087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108200779142351,0.14887539665365476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058017693035846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555442921888179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238458744022428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6904424599183311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732444826008866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341581012239285,0.0,0.0,0.1236688358464942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984649988260503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994414946241086,0.0,0.0,0.09049436517626123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403704050673576,0.0,0.128050589695522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953726650804496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298245078066275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,1000dollarbride,2019/05/04,"Older, unobtainable authority figures as obsessive love interests? How to cope with the longing? I assume others have experienced this as well so I was just hoping to vent and maybe get some responses, if anyone felt like sharing.

I know teacher/professor crushes are common for everyone but mine go way beyond normal, healthy crushes and into the realm of disturbing obsessions. My most recent obsession is my university professor and advisor. It has been going on for three years and I believe he has shown many indications of at least some level of reciprocation. Due to the fact that he is married, and my professor, and 30+ years older than me, nothing has really happened beyond frequent conversation. 

But things have gotten so bad. I feel completely desperate and pathetic. During the course of my obsession, here are a few of the creepy things I do or have done: routinely schedule my day around trying to ""accidentally"" run into him, impulsively disclosed my childhood sexual abuse to him, rooted around the department trash can for possible papers he's thrown away, broken into his office in the middle of the night, figured out his alias on an online forum and regularly check it for updates, google search images of his children which I have saved to my computer... I know this is so so so wrong and I am in therapy and have vowed to never do any of these things again. Ever. 

In the meantime I was wondering how any of you deal or have dealt with that feeling of yearning for love and attention and security from an adult that believes in you and doesn't abuse you and genuinely seems to care about you and your well-being? 

It's so cliche and obvious but there is this just this huge fucking wound, or void, or whatever you want to call it and it's so real I can feel it, gaping, every day. And I'm just so so dried up and thirsty for some relief, just a little encouragement or concern, just something a little beyond a normal student-professor relationship, something that showed I was special to him. I would die to hear him say he cared about me and genuinely mean it. 

I don't know why I've latched on to this man in particular but now it feels like it has to come from him. And I feel hopelessly, madly in love with him as well. 

I'm sure it stems from a whole combination of things including an genetic predisposition to obsessive and addictive tendencies, loneliness/inexperience/ social isolation and trauma from witnessing domestic violence, my mother's mental illness and verbal abuse, and being sexually abused by father when I was much younger.

But knowing doesn't make it stop! I just don't know how I'm not supposed to get attached to these people when they are kind! I'm  just craving to be a part of a normal, happy family. I feel so jealous of my professor's kids sometimes. Sometimes I want to be adopted by him, other times I want to be his lover...

I know self-love is the answer but it isn't happening overnight. I've made a very good best friend since starting therapy and that has helped improved my social confidence a lot, but the longing for  attention from an adult (even though I myself am already 22!) hasn't really changed. 

It's so intense and none of my friends can understand it at all. Even ones with shitty parents. If they do understand it, what they usually say is that they felt like I do when they were in middle school or high school but they grew out of it. I know they mean well, but that just makes me feel 10x worse for being so immature and silly and cliche and pathetic....",6.740227247492506,7.492764720789076,7.151981198415933,72.41451015951739,64.91805766312595,10.678130204670786,33.523853584514605,10.593622430936305,3.699763433139643,2817,115,490,70,41,920,312,659,0.157,0.6890000000000001,0.153,-0.9440000000000001,3,1,2,0,5,1,78.0,0,6,7,1,44,42,3,6,24,0,48,8,0,7,6,126,97,69,1,11,26,3,9,3,3,1,3,3,0,5,38,42,0,2,28,1,1,6,9,14,3,2,11,13,64,28,83,80,13,65,0,2,0,5,54,31,1,17,30,358,102,7,0.0,0.32047102166079605,0.0,0.0737149647153237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461952508852845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196681907173876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472809526206696,0.0,0.0,0.1203909392507993,0.0,0.0,0.06353051233254764,0.0,0.0564592502411246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523674808507384,0.07096223229167893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904681569606247,0.0,0.13788466624139822,0.0,0.07153220170987783,0.05824799743657354,0.07089749830672383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721764596417397,0.06971247877056795,0.0,0.0,0.0701781069769222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919797081537632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932375528686827,0.0611654839283179,0.05697213547704419,0.06461309222044835,0.0,0.0,0.0637454120124274,0.0,0.23933227574111846,0.048307206523012576,0.12985017041166216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448493138279503,0.06251290807376822,0.07065653567449738,0.0,0.0768591574144634,0.05671581967981041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959096092832752,0.07198195020986628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621181044852415,0.0,0.04532375868427939,0.07144345138041236,0.0,0.0671611737425166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041504452814358,0.2601324041997197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910605157523653,0.13554450770724685,0.0,0.1196818188044496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574874692291055,0.18308704254805305,0.06398297039062405,0.0902727504116542,0.06855530739146308,0.06793262641188619,0.14731437550118034,0.0,0.0,0.06814430092817686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970792995621715,0.0,0.05215213507121515,0.0,0.0,0.0634560865380832,0.19875752756259185,0.06488249516693681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582055457019158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750831761884295,0.07322505953310966,0.0,0.04687867468044523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623054567743258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769655115315914,0.08663724753608447,0.0,0.06676585285023573,0.07259776992249534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754708508380352,0.0,0.13686858433970064,0.0,0.06155802663337396,0.07054162614626389,0.0,0.0,0.055935343298326085,0.0,0.0,0.13785862208151764,0.0,0.10411320620546508,0.13375433678791082,0.0,0.047861253988920806,0.0,0.0,0.056532721739904535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373034395535856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546570135019393,0.0,0.17969290330406532,0.0,0.06643557092010217,0.0,0.039429329117413786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590903287759017,0.0,0.0,0.14078805030852234,0.0,0.0,0.07447305195121423,0.05579296384862765,0.11965075882440808,0.053673014135234266,0.0,0.0,0.24319131006991146,0.0,0.061015856649149075,0.07549447907143457,0.0,0.0,0.07333019341359796,0.0,0.0,0.06890979378252178,0.04803477591640658,0.0739310360700862,0.0,0.08708916149558307
bpd,CasedOutside,2019/05/04,"Partner Mad I don’t share her feelings, how can I respond in a helpful way? Good Morning All.

The other day a painter messed up the floor in our house. I stayed calm about it and wasn’t upset because I knew we could fix it.
My partner was furious and she was was furious at me for not being as upset as her. She said me staying calm made her feel ridiculous like she was over reacting. I never said anything like i this, I simply kept saying “I’m sorry you are so mad dear, he didn’t do a good job, we can fix it.” But she got increasingly upset at me. How can I handle a situation like this in a helpful way?

Thanks!",0.5931893687707657,2.7299479922480643,2.8221760797342204,91.24063953488373,84.58139534883722,5.236101882613512,22.392580287929125,6.5431188927421005,0.5139231450719821,477,17,103,5,14,162,77,129,0.19,0.597,0.213,0.34299999999999997,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,1,0,0,4,19,5,3,7,0,14,0,0,4,2,17,24,8,0,1,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,12,5,23,10,11,10,2,15,0,0,0,0,21,8,0,0,5,70,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278380651878215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317768375389076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482358054470804,0.0,0.0,0.11973647378422055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775232559682126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114485460445329,0.1484906675142813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488903241315065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422874003374728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424064564057224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721148688459287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756776434888058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319379260271975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35321369384591583,0.1476456810012476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086915936741741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783313649354715,0.0,0.3957814595374165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709324013064428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947393215617589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,hohosixsix,2019/05/04,"Gonna block my friend with BPD because I can't deal with it. I'm an adult with my own life and issues I have to deal with.  I'm not some tool for you to burn bridges with every week then pretend like nothing happened the next day.  I'm blocking my friend on all social media accounts, leaving a message that I will never talk to them again and wish them the best.  I feel sorry for her but I'm not her emotional punching bag and after a year I can't deal with it for my own health.",3.166657420249656,3.709806359223304,4.010707350901527,92.51553398058256,72.7864077669903,6.274063800277393,25.393897364771146,5.288315135182226,0.4279470180305127,377,11,86,1,7,121,66,103,0.08,0.813,0.107,0.5624,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,1,1,4,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,0,2,19,12,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,14,4,14,10,5,9,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,1,9,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040706454544033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900708117443462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281101542886601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680529368567677,0.5601701215162911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037319196199327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525986385605916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091578049855664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27986063969000746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601609073366131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251859192531973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890387882613744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177644330147128,0.0,0.0,0.1279280875965085,0.08848447530161807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396883712231951,0.0,0.1926196744030421,0.0,0.0,0.1737863667209408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846256759320104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027453271213949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557474985618085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528089890983084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827527659727404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663322224391864
bpd,ferociousspot,2019/05/04,"Does anyone else get really passionate and excited about hobbies or projects, and then lose all motivation and regret all the money and time you spent on it? This happens to me so much. I will get an idea for a new hobby or project or something I’m really into, decide it’s my new favorite thing ever,  spend a lot of money on the highest end supplies or merchandise to cement it’s place in my life, and then very shortly after I will either get bored of it, overwhelmed, or just fall into a depression and stop caring about anything including the new “thing.” 
The last thing I did this with was cosplay: I decided I wanted to go to a con, and chose the most elaborate and difficult armor to make from scratch out of foam. I wanted to spend all my free time working on my foam armor and spent SO much time and money doing research, buying materials (foam, box cutters, paint, costume templates and tutorials, etc). I even set up half of my bedroom around this project with all my tools and work table. 2 weeks later I decided I didn’t have the skill for it and gave up even though I had made some good progress. Now every time I walk by that part of my room I feel so guilty for giving up on something I spent so much money on... 

Anyone else do this? Is this a BPD thing?",6.9500246153846135,6.085983824000003,7.2028,77.67416923076924,64.75999999999999,9.932307692307694,32.83076923076923,9.057496981413335,2.6634646153846155,996,34,193,14,13,324,139,250,0.077,0.813,0.11,0.8167,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,6,13,11,0,1,12,0,10,2,0,3,5,46,27,25,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,15,19,0,1,6,0,11,3,1,6,0,1,9,2,22,6,34,16,13,37,0,4,0,1,3,16,0,8,17,137,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764735757012209,0.24566478473679865,0.09865196170972096,0.1067196287409308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098609616877012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222680944198612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032534481511504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490879137830944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029061530607356,0.0,0.10617910530662382,0.0,0.13369915757135145,0.15836072151745506,0.10843935228366644,0.101005028858894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061550519561015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878988394532181,0.11500091087334158,0.06813121315986274,0.1005506104966576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601049406596054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533121236794646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977191274661255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467559279316787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411632856675668,0.0,0.10191865619729502,0.0,0.1134344310015678,0.0800215902401516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643792895089885,0.0,0.0,0.34734584916159617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981958968899954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525027339230127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359785295679004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458071317358607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002259989554306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185748038403565,0.0,0.11778260902201593,0.0,0.2796146215720424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891449348821632,0.1414180019390643,0.0,0.0961614174638062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454979190021494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,GhostCrow67,2019/05/04,"Shed my skin It's been 9 month since I've been diagnosed with bpd and bipolar type one disorder. I don't recognize when I'm manic. The medication just makes me completely numb and the thoughts in my head replaying lifetimes I've lived mistakes I've made and imagining I can fix my failures. Relationships. Friendships. I isolate and fear everyone hates me. Even tho their busy working and living their lives. I don't even live living in my own skin anymore. I've cut in the past, recently cut and feel like there's something not human under this flawed skin. Changing my look to vanish from.familiar faces. My therapist doesn't even know what to do with me beside lock me away. I do have some semi good days mostly when I'm able to do artwork and listen to music i feel at peace. The rest of the time no one can handle me at my worse.",2.8796341463414663,5.262269097560979,3.805060975609756,86.03856707317075,77.53658536585365,7.0268292682926825,24.88414634146341,8.07648339933343,1.5805682926829272,668,24,129,12,16,214,103,164,0.166,0.767,0.067,-0.9299,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,8,8,3,1,5,0,11,9,5,2,0,21,22,10,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,4,7,20,2,14,18,4,14,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,8,76,23,2,0.13662551749411753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549580098245712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836417112273776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207505648086505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445316816116527,0.0,0.1432492556833338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881121560366506,0.0,0.0,0.13867202431197947,0.0,0.0,0.15658467972798915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707195972767621,0.0,0.0,0.13055153692355356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537416913357554,0.13816393356500606,0.09760529699686678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145950019202934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488941285718792,0.14021719741171593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508581134880454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674832662617053,0.0,0.6032141752141095,0.0,0.11473102467919732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927836811974555,0.09119859384185366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763583514188055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905318458033543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851619731003971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042451594767776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490121590019774,0.14668467511611888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301803992027527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518099828583008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863275622151135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084653996719315,0.07966743796412709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946500393777744,0.0,0.13923307457101186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_t_0_b_i_,2019/05/04,"Just Got Diagnosed Today I usually never post anywhere on Reddit but I feel that now is the time. Today I was diagnosed with BPD. For a few months I've had the feeling that something wasn't right with me. I was ruining all my relationships, my identity was consistently shifting, I was cutting myself, and I felt that my life wasn't put together. It had been going on for some time. This all started when I turned 19. I was always alone since my parents were emotionally unavailable, but something in me just snapped and I went off the deep end. After my last girlfriend broke up with me in the shittiest possible way, back in April, I completely lost it. I ruined it, I always thought she was gonna abandon me and I couldn't bear it.   


Anyways, I went to a therapist afterwards. She is very nice and I have been able to control my anger and shifts a lot easier. I still feel empty and my feelings towards people constantly change. I have a best friend and a very close friend who have always been there for me. They're my rock. After four sessions she tested me and I got 7 out of the 9 criteria you need to be diagnosed. As I mentioned, I had previously researched this but needed a professional opinion and diagnosis.   


The real question is how do I live like this? I can firmly say that I am confident in my ability to get through school and work. I'm in college and about to turn 20 and everything at school is good. I don't socialize with people but I've got a pretty good relationship with my professors. But how do I deal with this in the real world? I'm too scared to date again and I just try to blend in everywhere I go with another identity. I accept the fact that this isn't my fault, but I would really appreciate anything you guys can tell me. I'm scared I'll end up a hermit.",2.7337211093990743,4.9106344830508455,4.326969696969698,83.1468181818182,77.0508474576271,8.019722650231127,26.26399589111453,8.841846274778883,2.178797740112994,1413,55,277,33,33,472,185,354,0.115,0.733,0.152,0.9417,1,1,2,0,0,1,34.0,0,2,0,4,14,18,2,2,16,0,32,4,0,3,4,56,56,23,0,4,9,1,5,1,3,2,4,1,0,1,15,22,0,2,8,1,0,5,6,10,0,1,23,6,53,8,38,29,6,48,0,5,0,0,19,19,0,4,23,194,68,9,0.09322246346063064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965503577212362,0.0,0.0,0.23270567248526805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775188115479584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671414435943623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168232012196718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783122403298757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741042932162404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986170054838102,0.0,0.09774197930688228,0.10074036511406488,0.1045569196380596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096108266443276,0.0,0.2838565142853007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486272399266018,0.16513486546604547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378233913927075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854431418926304,0.0,0.08950818415667669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404688804272833,0.0,0.04870488954289199,0.0,0.10596094859437977,0.15638115888191095,0.223675560190718,0.0,0.0,0.09230489524085116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075988749956868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584578285801927,0.04554378679835069,0.0,0.08231714315044099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176333109692473,0.07925440476738753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440928094009551,0.0,0.0,0.13824655087702434,0.07189891080341554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035125135382735,0.0,0.0,0.12925743672158854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509432061934017,0.08928135092626882,0.09484075942003874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371432399511344,0.1044304940389279,0.0,0.0,0.2122151448255253,0.05972069719048255,0.0,0.0,0.2001720764473682,0.0,0.07961147443649193,0.0,0.07413424461959965,0.18666389742866105,0.1886922198639068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711458510899022,0.0,0.0,0.09502856171646533,0.0,0.14353441361897304,0.0,0.0,0.06598333945082058,0.0,0.0744475797400248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148054201099393,0.0,0.0,0.10823846519853568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400822293752471,0.10871753623817247,0.0,0.17672799028826458,0.0,0.0,0.0632919334065534,0.2027985414818067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267137313144953,0.15383659080238687,0.0,0.07399565234654458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283631516780093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786706367352033,0.0,0.0,0.06622256335928951,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,tlacoyuco,2019/05/04,"When/How did you figure out you had borderline personality disorder? Did the people around you figure it out? Did you, then seek diagnosis? I’m curious about the symptoms that made you or others realize you had it, etc.",4.17625,6.964816124999999,6.0100000000000025,69.785,75.25,10.0,27.5,10.125756701596842,3.5985,175,7,29,6,4,60,28,40,0.078,0.867,0.055,-0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,0,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473443478683052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44718191807630936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351556245561749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691992647172713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27050279343512257,0.3406915236685717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055480809263787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nochillnoble,2019/05/04,So I’m seeing a psychologist in a few days I’m pretty sure I have BPD and AVPD . I’m hoping a diagnosis will give me a bit of relief . I’ve been treated for social anxiety disorder and depression but it never really clicked that that I had that . From researching online this is the only thing that makes sense to me . I know I shouldn’t self diagnose but this is my last attempt at seeking help . I need to figure out what’s wrong and soon .,0.8205757575757566,3.2530650777777796,3.3342424242424222,85.73045454545455,87.11111111111109,6.82828282828283,20.404040404040398,8.00094639256281,1.2548888888888892,347,11,70,8,11,120,67,90,0.11199999999999999,0.759,0.129,0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,2,14,16,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,8,4,8,12,2,7,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,1,4,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509347922954552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498789731424287,0.0,0.2882678387915932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760942876562355,0.0,0.1971350283342742,0.2323095837758149,0.0,0.0,0.2623176661172892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956368750316596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341423297862367,0.0,0.0,0.2273306595647823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257871129267367,0.18656871326597507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277996756343878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971249773963695,0.17652727912266392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740744541583732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285444832567995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662714726192475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238867024381086,0.0,0.2387729919682843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333155433274084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157178071545601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152058488375419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25024564425503504,0.0,0.0
bpd,Buibaxd,2019/05/04,"Intentional introversion leading to depression I notice that I set the expectation that someone, anyone that I know will reach out to me and want to spend time or do something. I will do this for weeks, not ever posting or seeking out anyone to enjoy my days with, rather sit and feel neglected and worthless. I will do this until I can’t handle it, until my depression gets to me and my mind goes south. 

Anyone have any remedies or ways to prevent this? How can I reach out on Facebook without it feeling like “I want to talk to you because I don’t want to sit around feeling it’s better to not exist.”",6.078062953995158,6.262397847457629,6.684285714285719,77.16398305084748,66.28813559322035,8.77675544794189,32.958837772397096,8.418075326091056,2.577158353510896,478,19,88,6,7,157,69,118,0.151,0.741,0.10800000000000001,-0.85,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,3,1,31,18,10,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,4,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,0,3,15,3,20,15,0,18,0,4,0,0,2,6,0,3,7,67,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467014173175046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41541064407180894,0.0,0.0,0.17629254785333714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071989525736992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751452801781981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771576599102305,0.0,0.34113337281930245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913339773755302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30039633691827544,0.1414757716920577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346476881120144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883449393158844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674957516797612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995822962823806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22546340805821635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896621554721557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779385319380086,0.1524565096124495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917250066478428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547541589946522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504173529504217,0.15719044093770215,0.15885120188186036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089803638469524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,SqaueEarthConspiracy,2019/05/04,"How do I deal with my mentally I'll homeless dad who is threatening me due to his delusions/paranoia My dad suffers from mental health problems which over the last five years have resulted in him going full on wild and going to live in a van, like a Ford transit van. I'm not going to get into the full details but he's very paranoid/delusional and has a criminal history for violence.

He was still in contact with his mum although they've always had problems and I've always been my nans number one and because he's a bit of a waste of space she's always relied on me. I'm her lasting power of attorney for health,welfare, finances and property. She has been developing alzheimers and as such due to her deterioration in mental state she has asked me to manage her finances for her. Basically my dad got wind of this and now believes I am stealing all of her money, he properly believes it, beyond reason and there is no talking with him he has been like a rabid dog. He threatened to go to the police so I let my nan know so that she didn't get too worked up if the police turned up and as such she has cut him off, it was the last straw for her. My dad has now completely disowned me and has been sending me barrage of abusive text messages mostly saying I'm a scumbag but some are suggestive and a little threatening such as ""I will make you pay""

I'm not worried about legal implications for me as everything has been organised through a solicitors and done appropriately.

My dad doesn't know where I currently live but he knows where my mum and nan live and I don't feel like it would be that hard to get someones address. I am a little worried that he will follow through with this as he is now a man with nothing to lose, he has alienated his entire family and believes his son to be stealing from his mum and manipulating her against him. He has been to jail before and has had a history of violence. The problem is he genuinely lives in a van somewhere and has no fixed address. I want to file a police report but because he has no address and I have no idea of his where abouts I don't know what the police could do. I'm worried that his delusions, anger and bitterness are going to develop to extreme levels until he acts on them

I'm just not sure where I stand in this situation. I live with my girlfriend and I'd hate something to happen to her in all of this mess. I don't know if this is the right sub but any help is massively appreciated. Part of the reason I posted in this sub is because I've always suspected he has BPD for a lot of different reasons, mostly just the presence of characteristics of BPD.",4.237151879699252,5.47624704952381,5.486538847117796,80.33425939849627,70.88571428571429,8.269172932330827,30.19674185463659,8.6894789155246,2.37012380952381,2091,86,404,36,38,698,228,525,0.188,0.7609999999999999,0.051,-0.9979,3,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,3,21,16,4,0,25,0,52,1,0,7,3,68,80,38,0,8,12,9,2,3,1,3,1,1,3,1,16,28,0,0,11,0,4,8,12,12,0,2,13,4,55,4,71,60,10,51,0,2,0,0,62,28,0,6,15,284,71,7,0.0,0.09477383747684448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662288893572945,0.0,0.0,0.05439523560537633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747788797013563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628158239844238,0.0,0.0680647133283704,0.27036049859488365,0.0,0.0,0.08732722714757021,0.0,0.20148658945499887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386690250138497,0.0,0.0,0.06386467564300521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246510525501308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357143821346387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185647745368274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188891935439279,0.0,0.0754064724685757,0.0,0.04044482147648714,0.05714412886689312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537279022587264,0.0,0.2272978460160306,0.0,0.06397447828620872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073397298753331,0.0,0.07165439655196006,0.07897253764145748,0.0,0.17004904763961087,0.0,0.0,0.053614913662056014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902977993296434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979920208270304,0.1956050346747797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179413081794662,0.0,0.11723569608618074,0.16033990315570554,0.3531585848653096,0.0,0.0,0.08948718563773021,0.0,0.06800375319352436,0.0,0.0,0.053393251793963856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24183017363645554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675156424660483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420258929408794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662024860105676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660731250198953,0.0,0.0,0.2296158953637981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467259184644432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831013462080197,0.0,0.06361043135830995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991094222630994,0.0,0.0,0.06777438606837714,0.0615794091645137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387928662583475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753886479852969,0.0,0.0,0.06429209596292093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700501885928234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599926896027562,0.04717956093518783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823291540159796,0.24369801431396715,0.0,0.05682186204975141,0.0,0.0,0.051510267573043146
bpd,glittersoup,2019/05/04,"Anyone here? I need help I can't sleep at night, I feel so lonely, I'm just crying right now and I'm filled with suicidal thoughts when it comes to sleeping at night. I don't have anybody, I want to be needed. I have work tomorrow (just occasionally), but I called it off last time, because I couldn't get any sleep, and had a panic attack that morning, and threw up everything. If I stay up again I won't be able to go, cause by that time I will be very sleepy. I'm just lying in bed and crying and my lungs, and neck hurt, and my wrists hurt, like they are telling me that I should just cut myself. I can only sleep peacefully during the day, and I'm getting nowhere in life, my heart aches so much, I don't know why I'm on this planet, it's just torture. I want to be hugged and be able to hold someone close to me, but I only had heartbreaks on heartbreaks for years now. I don't have my own room, I'm 25, living with family whom I don't love, I can't even cry in peace cause our beds are almost next to each other. I'm trying to comfort myself with pillows, but I'm grabbing them so hard I start crying even harder. Why do I live? I'm broke af, only get some money from the government, because I don't feel well enough to work. I don't know anything, and I worth nothing, just a waste of space. I am shaking and everything aches so bad",2.884718309859153,3.6060260633802836,4.074760563380284,91.14030985915493,73.5774647887324,6.806760563380282,23.35492957746479,6.742157984588678,0.4913526760563376,1038,26,238,8,20,340,150,284,0.259,0.6459999999999999,0.095,-0.9946,0,2,0,0,0,1,39.0,1,0,2,2,18,17,3,2,4,0,27,11,8,2,0,43,53,20,1,7,10,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,9,17,0,1,5,0,2,5,10,12,1,0,4,4,36,5,26,40,5,34,0,6,0,2,8,14,0,3,15,140,45,3,0.19294868864334644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966051201479912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560586238496896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745710468994788,0.0,0.07939016522986797,0.0,0.0,0.1097534941544528,0.0,0.0,0.08055204777254273,0.11761972971200395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851109203076076,0.0,0.0,0.19821145339913904,0.0,0.08310410521087995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42389014860458174,0.062217970964105015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968378690209916,0.0,0.12744078910650813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340983994937492,0.0,0.09094742582970564,0.0,0.09756065443749244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121158922906142,0.0,0.05482859313014423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642206301982175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432256252704015,0.06466471940691768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655556185240032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603955323424344,0.07863946688137458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068142682479716,0.047132491528209135,0.0,0.17037722705592154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707186236019089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091974355675848,0.14306900778508494,0.0,0.0,0.10260155966367318,0.1810692735891516,0.0,0.09256973530410033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011925847125288,0.0,0.113191856502787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238856292384714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38617606775746,0.0,0.08174239887267322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828503746160547,0.10282881472694264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552727426820953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432282921599604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765898531025755,0.11250993200018666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549974705213543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960143767606792,0.113806135689989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674202164816312,0.0,0.17410618025192445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046894334014692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212631470753269
bpd,Cnxmal,2019/05/04,I said I was done with him but he talked to me today and I’m weak I think he’s bad for me because him not replying a text triggered a depressive and anxious state in me and I made up my mind to just cut all contact but he started up the conversation today and I once again remembered how much I like him. What do I do? I feel like I’m less obsessive over him this time than I was before but I don’t know if I’m willing to take the risk. We’re just very casual friends/ acquaintances at the moment and he already affects me this badly. What would happen if I somehow get close to him?,0.3670857142857145,2.52327232,2.6185428571428595,92.19170000000004,85.80000000000003,5.8114285714285705,21.728571428571424,7.1686216300943375,0.6932971428571428,460,16,102,7,14,156,78,125,0.20600000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.07,-0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,2,5,0,8,1,0,4,1,27,20,11,0,3,8,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,2,21,4,12,13,3,13,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,3,8,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221317503431614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265701398563653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33491020732608273,0.12225650729177485,0.0,0.17065759034538075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273778523679045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523746466120527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014066678254774,0.14327657985955375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494834718144496,0.0,0.10478174484529483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735018330821636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021981979504376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596215051019408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977005351068302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250344573673448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474310503264618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213584600829352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271897949134723,0.0,0.1907737952613093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195390859654186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079245091581495,0.16119856587587802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850758880492658,0.0,0.0,0.11694527232512512,0.0,0.3802055062479695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654789340106222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424685653132153,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,dragoste23,2019/01/03,"I shut down when my boyfriend leaves. I can hang out with him for DAYS and then he'll get an invite to hang out with his friends and I immediately freak out even though I know I shouldn't and I really don't want to. I just can't snap out of it. DAE freak out even while KNOWING you're being manipulative and awful and that it's not a real problem at all? I guess he'd be considered my FP? I want him to be happy, it just makes me very anxious and upset for some reason, and I hate that I'm aware of how wrong it is because I still can't snap out of feeling unhappy.",3.146854838709679,3.296581104838712,4.729193548387098,88.76379032258066,72.62903225806451,7.812903225806451,24.37096774193548,7.645422480735847,0.8257129032258059,443,11,107,5,8,150,78,124,0.212,0.693,0.096,-0.9295,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,1,2,1,10,0,0,4,1,33,21,12,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,15,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,0,1,18,2,18,15,2,16,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,5,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553059367591427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377622494244607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574574615377855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29853035402697564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426803346292487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746003818134126,0.0,0.11807117010187035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489549867306753,0.0,0.0,0.24057202936319716,0.0,0.22311970344861926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483979076857773,0.0,0.0,0.239292243884989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085100292095427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162432326085177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572276695219855,0.14477586670985124,0.2323567804072353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180477010288998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220353862538296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646655860418904,0.2665911457090894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470861004522568,0.0,0.0
bpd,airydalliance,2019/01/03,"I shut down when my boyfriend leaves. I can hang out with him for DAYS and then he'll get an invite to hang out with his friends and I immediately freak out even though I know I shouldn't and I really don't want to. I just can't snap out of it. DAE freak out even while KNOWING you're being manipulative and awful and that it's not a real problem at all? I want him to be happy, it just makes me very anxious and upset for some reason.",2.4206686930091195,3.388537297872343,3.957781155015198,90.60500000000002,74.95744680851064,6.648024316109423,20.875379939209726,6.868970318607317,0.1358954407294828,342,7,81,3,7,114,64,94,0.177,0.711,0.111,-0.6485,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,1,6,0,0,3,1,28,13,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,13,2,15,9,2,14,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923601910173337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689879885433814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34185805639975336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994130033421836,0.0,0.13520762690758995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754878533216609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844495535872777,0.0,0.0,0.27402232403699284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274501560350888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476280559479312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945608376797693,0.16578815433470878,0.26608027046436983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542608635028244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135296945456296,0.3052832976483776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bxs792,2019/01/03,"bpd trait or am I just a toxic person? So I got into a relationship a few months ago with a guy who is very kind and gentle, hes great for me but I feel no spark and I just don't feel a connection.

On NYE I got very drunk and fooled around with another guy that I definitely feel some kind of spark with. 

Am I self destructing because of BPD? I'd never try to hurt anyone. I've felt so awful since it happened, I hate myself for it and I can't even look myself in the mirror. ",0.008715034965035784,1.9319357980769247,2.733811188811192,92.30209790209793,85.25,5.7048951048951055,16.18531468531469,6.980632752743323,-0.2264115384615381,369,7,87,5,11,129,69,104,0.212,0.589,0.19899999999999998,-0.6871,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,6,1,6,1,0,0,1,19,15,8,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,9,1,0,4,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,5,13,3,12,12,2,7,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,2,3,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451668326782989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172074724140976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450753941931685,0.0,0.0,0.145784607308894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982896463160593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125098446978551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816452358365812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484118730367083,0.0,0.1572390432391402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26195393126513145,0.18055029813128265,0.0,0.32430405220946185,0.14481589216867716,0.0,0.0,0.16168296523352016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531266165220846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410698406061498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752044642712166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307147972374576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630482956593464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429923368447119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582116138498605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084148243482722,0.0,0.0,0.13546720555850308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111849508217231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702447667868826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,DoritosBPDaccount,2019/01/03,"Trans people with bpd: Did you find that transitioning alleviated some of your BPD symptoms? By transitioning, I mean socially, legally, medically, or even just mentally. 

​

I'm an AFAB person who identifies as genderfluid. I was on low-dose T for 18 months and I found that my emotions were finally reigned in for the most part. I still wept with overwhelming joy at certain parts of movies (the bathroom sign scene during Hidden Figures, when Dory finds her parents in Finding Dory, or throughout The Imitation Game) and still fell too hard and fast for others yet my suicidiality had all but vanished and life just felt better all around. ",7.473561946902658,9.370379044247793,7.148838495575223,68.9671515486726,63.86725663716814,9.897787610619467,35.36393805309734,10.125756701596842,3.923337168141593,524,24,82,12,8,165,90,113,0.03,0.89,0.08,0.6876,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,1,9,5,0,1,4,0,4,3,0,0,3,25,8,9,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,2,9,3,14,2,6,13,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,4,7,56,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802331425724712,0.1884326687744436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804931276107318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715092246588215,0.0,0.0,0.3906221762291753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744381043830668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242534120364524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889597920567088,0.1698766948111037,0.4252062513573491,0.0,0.0,0.1700313452226859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389164231387536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953380864086533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892175129059475,0.0,0.15622139126312007,0.1562787693203601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377910301668152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172192042644313,0.3358614596195152,0.0,0.10750923388518076,0.13540519946448468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807907268582644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476856253832605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118193431690875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884326687744436,0.0
bpd,snow-kiss,2019/01/03,"Borderline feels like all the other PDs? Sorry if a similar post is here already. I'm diagnosed bpd yet sometimes I feel/act like I have all the cluster B personality disorders altogether... I wonder if this is normal or I do really have them. Actually I thought that was the reason why it is called borderline. Anyway, enjoy the rest of the day everyone.",1.9945454545454562,4.839274515151518,4.8627878787878815,71.95418181818181,91.72727272727272,8.700606060606061,26.29696969696969,8.841846274778883,3.4359442424242426,282,13,46,10,10,100,50,66,0.021,0.848,0.131,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,7,1,0,1,2,10,11,3,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,3,1,9,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2186547395870985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24726087104339475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822015350397061,0.0,0.22879502076066924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450313832653586,0.0,0.0,0.22742086464028416,0.0,0.0,0.2567974573807745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141033388282894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265876004143833,0.16007180357128165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893330294889835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195357463222149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956445766090695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459196110077935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354152793896388,0.23037573902752806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160563056903398,0.2508219886756233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788227365491568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218346129419232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429885137397409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TrembleLeaf,2019/01/03,"Letting him go was either smart or stupid. I can't even tell anymore. ""Did I do the right thing?"" I know the internet can't give me that direct answer. I do know that I could have handled the situation better. Maybe instead of advice, I'm just looking to vent, I have no idea. I'm a mess.

I've been dating a guy for three years who I love a lot. He is aware of my struggles and never turned his back on me. He always listened to my emotional episodes, did his best to understand, and was always there to hold me close through it all. When I pushed him away during an episode, he would wait for the clouds to clear with a smile on his face; he always knew that the me he loved would return. He got me through nights I don't think I would have survived alone. Our relationship had more passion than I ever had in one. We had our ups and downs at times, but overall he made me happy, and for once in my life, I felt accepted completely (the good, the bad, and the ugly BPD/other issues). It didn't matter what I revealed about myself, he stayed.

However, there was a problem, and I ***always*** knew it was coming. I should have considered it more before becoming so attached. He always planned to move back across the world to be with his family, and as our relationship developed, he was willing to take me with. I **never** liked the idea of moving out of the country. I kept stupidly thinking, ""*I'll worry about it when we get to it*."" Stupid. 

Well, that time is finally coming and it couldn't come at a worse time. I'm dealing with critical family and money problems. Everything seems to be going wrong, even everything of mine seems to be breaking. Seasonal depression never helps too. My struggle with BPD and other mental health issues have skyrocketed, and I don't have access to therapy (nor can afford it). Now when I have an emotional fit, I have sadly been resorting to self-harm and my want to commit suicide is so high at times, I can almost *taste* it. 

The dreadful talk happened, and I decided (while emotional, although had logical thinking about it before-hand) that I should end the relationship. I don't want to move. I could maybe have a better life if I move, a fresh start, but the idea of leaving the country makes me feel sick to my stomach. I've never even been the type to ""want to see the world"". I don't have a good relationship at all with my family, but they would surely be mad and heartbroken if I just left the country to be with a guy that they hardly know. My family is so unstable that they will probably disown me if I did it, but if my boyfriend and I don't work out, I *really* won't have a place to go after a stunt like that.

While stupidly emotional, I told him that if I left, I would be suicidal for new reasons. I'd have guilt about my family, I'm not the type to adapt easily to a foreign country that hardly speaks English (It is hard for me to even leave my apartment due to panic attacks), and my gut just tells me I shouldn't.  I have read about people who ""ran away"" from their problems to start a new life, and often they say the same problems end up moving with them. You can't escape. It is too risky, but... 

I love him. I really do. I also have a bad habit of avoiding, I could be avoiding something good because I'm fearful. I did some research online for advice, and I read that it is a good thing to break up with someone you love when it comes to dramatic life decisions you don't agree with, in my case, it is moving across the world. However, I read that also life is about taking risks... although I don't think I'm in a position to take such risks, at the same time, I have *almost* nothing to lose. I'm dirt poor, don't have a car, I'm in too much debt to get my degree in the US, I'm unstable, and I have almost no support system. Maybe I do need a fresh start, but if I move, the little bit I do have will be gone too. If I stay, it kills me that I might lose the love of my life. 

My self-esteem is pretty shit too, so I do think he would be better off without me. He could find a younger, prettier, and more stable girl than me. If anything... me staying with him could be holding him back from something greater, draining him of emotional energy, but... what about me? Almost no one wants to put up with my bullshit, and I don't blame them. I'm not trying to be selfish. 

Our last talk about this, a few days ago, got heated quickly. I was already emotional while we had the discussion, and I basically told him to go move then, and if he ever moves back, and I'm still alive to contact me. I realize now, I shouldn't have been emotional and said that how I did, but I did mean that. I'm holding on by a ***thread.*** I tried to reach out to him, I messaged him about something unrelated, and he didn't reply to me. It is unlike him, but I'm sure he is hurt and confused too. He isn't moving immediately, he might just be done with me, but I know there is probably a chance I could still make this all work out between us. I know love can blind us, but so can fear. I'm so *heartbroken*. I want to be with him, but I don't want to be with him across the world. - I'm screwed either way.

A long time ago, when I was in an unrelated online relationship, I had a therapist say to me, ""If you two really loved each other, you would do anything to be with each other. You would be on that train right now trying to get to his place."" That stuck with me, I know there are some questionable things to this statement (not advice a stalker should get), but if this is true, doesn't that mean I should be pushing myself to go? Does that mean I never loved him somehow since I don't want to go? 

I have no idea what to think anymore.

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bpd,LilPizzza,2019/01/03,Does anyone else hallucinate? Do you guys hear voices and mildly hallucinate? I hallucinate more during an episode but auditory and visual hallucinations are persistent ,9.489466666666667,14.046276080000002,10.316000000000004,35.94466666666668,68.2,12.933333333333335,36.333333333333336,11.20814326018867,6.9627333333333326,142,7,14,6,3,48,22,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305075484712099,0.4470473281925986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818145522145961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644778983302912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320117977542064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917488697807215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ismeelola,2019/01/03,"no new fps Wondering if anyone has caught themselves thrusting the role of favorite person onto someone and was able to stop themselves AND maintain that relationship? And if so, how?",6.5269892473118265,9.786802774193553,5.569032258064516,73.54021505376346,69.64516129032258,6.713978494623658,36.13978494623656,7.793537801064563,3.338539784946237,150,8,20,2,3,45,27,31,0.133,0.7829999999999999,0.084,-0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,4,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,15,1,0,0.3798765812242384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265618538162442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668871693071767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33169357820221057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40784528339296855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218681945251969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175938316507822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41195994788764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,rallybean,2019/01/03,"Need some insight.. ...If anyone is willing to have a private convo. Someone in my life opened up to me and told me they have BPD recently. I’ve read up a lot and had conversations with her, but I’m looking for insight on what I can do to be supportive and understanding given our dynamic (which is a little undefined at the moment) ",5.535,5.89784430769231,7.085961538461536,73.20278846153846,67.46153846153845,10.192307692307693,34.71153846153846,10.125756701596842,3.6078461538461535,260,12,48,6,4,90,52,65,0.0,0.902,0.098,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,13,16,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,2,10,11,2,9,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,3,2,39,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588298350659467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708435181775873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079754065572441,0.0,0.2951115205798638,0.0,0.0,0.2472598743030744,0.0,0.0,0.2503268445982546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183274416053527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945249575507849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29072918837848355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24948252724816244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341330104120277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28135507984915586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065279169832496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Unusual_Guest,2019/01/03,"Why BPD people need to give the Wim Hof Method a try! ""What is the Wim Hof Method?""  


The Wim Hof Method is a mindfulness and fitness routine that has been proven in scientific settings to allow people to influence their autonomic nervous system at will, something previously thought to be impossible by Science. Wim Hof is a Dutch man who broke or set 26 world records for different acts of human indurance after his wife tragically committed suicide from having multiple personalities, possibly BPD. He realized his method could have saved her. Here is the method:  


1) Deep breathing, long exhales, long inhales, for several minutes until you experience tingling associated with hyperventilation. This can actually induce a panick attack but remember you are the one inducing it on purpose so you are in control. You are loading your cells with oxygen during this period and ridding your body of metabolic waste.  


2) Retention from breath, controlled hypoxia, one long exhalation followed by holding your breath out for as long as you can. When you reach past 1-1:30 minutes you will experience a release of adrenaline and a ""fight or flight"" response is generated. This reconnects the lateral prefrontal cortex of the brain with the rest of the brain.

\*\*VERY IMPORTANT: STUDIES SHOW BPD HAS DEFICIENCY IN THE LATERAL PREFRONTAL CORTEX\*\*  


3) After you inhale again from retention, you hold in a full breath for 15 seconds while your body recovers. You can then blow out and begin again  


4) After several rounds of breathing, meditate by focusing on the center of the forehead, the location of the lateral prefrontal cortex. This is actually part of Wim's method, and the website sells a 10 week guided video course on how to do all of this.  


5) Cold training, cold exposure, cold showers, ice baths, walks in cold weather. The cold has several amazing healing abilities but one of them is that it is able to move the blood around your body by encouraging the circulatory system to heat itself. The cold can also take down inflammation and quiet a restless brain  


As someone who has practiced this method for 3 years and witnessed thousands of individuals with different illnesses reach full recovery with no medication, I strongly suggest anyone with BPD give this method a try because the science suggests it is the most effective natural treatment for BPD. It won't change everything in 4 days, but in 4 days of this method you will feel more in control. In 4 months you will notice incredible changes in your mental ability and mood. In 4 years you may not feel the daily effects of BPD detriment your life and you will wonder where this method has been all your life.  


Here is the website to learn more. Ask me questions if you have them. You can also DM me.

[https://www.wimhofmethod.com/about](https://www.wimhofmethod.com/about)",8.256370523415978,10.08687679958678,7.561818181818186,66.97106060606065,61.99586776859504,10.660055096418734,38.22038567493114,10.702692998642775,4.640365840220385,2297,114,342,58,33,715,253,484,0.054000000000000006,0.87,0.076,0.8764,4,0,13,0,1,1,77.0,0,24,3,6,11,11,2,2,33,0,38,19,13,10,3,54,49,26,1,3,7,1,3,0,0,7,6,1,2,3,19,18,0,5,12,3,1,4,3,6,0,5,3,12,33,4,67,37,9,59,0,2,1,0,46,26,0,7,25,233,52,1,0.07488517077549063,0.0,0.14615424872225424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977128802778572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052361452573169286,0.0,0.0,0.06666367856835663,0.07000752592009674,0.08519269253138227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564930504571324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954162923477224,0.5658915066723132,0.25078984979507746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843716252234438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25197025992008826,0.059789715402424864,0.0,0.0,0.09658948010916556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647812992851565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730196286932494,0.14650413271220794,0.0,0.0,0.07572838478342445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436733588370953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578722147266653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650840785496457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543893123677113,0.07546663896155603,0.0,0.0756126751206981,0.0,0.05977262886679373,0.07959108540236798,0.0,0.055526405263472814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525726326346611,0.0,0.0,0.1522323892827748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109334244323692,0.07148636893889948,0.10383189698678293,0.0653868426654705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442177834569976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388852954499118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483030049702613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537967832796653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344996218650893,0.05765026302140155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191222247334423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630432884867709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945046084099299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168423072969647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178810849930571,0.0,0.0,0.060068366992229665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757221898166714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120977331850263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644718954529967
bpd,dearheyjules,2019/01/03,"this is the loneliest I've ever been basically everyone who ever said they loved me left. everyone is doing better without me. I feel like a waste of space. I wanna focus on my studies and myself now but I miss having someone to talk to. a friend. a partner. it's like I was right all along: I'm bad, toxic and a waste. I shouldn't be here at all because even when I try doing good I yuck thinks up... I just... why would they make me believe I'm worthy and then just... leave and prove me right?",-0.09176250933532516,2.157533281553402,2.164077669902916,93.65909634055271,89.97087378640775,4.33427931292009,17.631814787154592,5.8734145424116955,-0.33074697535474273,380,10,82,3,13,128,72,103,0.183,0.667,0.15,-0.1456,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,1,8,8,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,1,5,20,18,7,0,3,4,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,16,6,9,12,2,12,0,1,0,1,8,7,0,0,7,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576852077468404,0.12102515794094496,0.0,0.0,0.2236810780068977,0.0,0.17558816755917794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113056514837168,0.3591727396294594,0.0,0.3794176038228815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038531495549297,0.14183351946540934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338773048348311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665218275604684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102200111511956,0.21570897368106573,0.0,0.0,0.19398844888757136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918568458126385,0.0,0.13252372497060008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33909579166014553,0.18885234998077516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682181511258371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595749979051993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721327949119804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347923048537258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914705309285633,0.0,0.0,0.1913807575364305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103364312135666,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,O_Zeca,2019/01/03,"Ive heard of BPD disorder just by name before, today, i thought its name sounded like would describe my wifes syptoms of her really bad anxiety attacks, right now, after reading abit i am pretty sure thats the case. How should i proceed? She already has psichological and psychiatric treatment, but noone ever even suggested this as a diagnosis.",10.279125683060107,9.63717286885246,9.94327868852459,59.99010928961752,58.016393442622956,12.723497267759562,44.92349726775957,11.855464076750405,5.736700546448088,279,15,41,7,3,91,56,61,0.127,0.7829999999999999,0.09,-0.3221,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,11,7,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,7,2,5,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,7,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848501528698567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974668572286543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29365733478975103,0.0,0.0,0.21552570916287228,0.0,0.0,0.21964751971505905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32510259329330266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958365174515072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049080195959115,0.23349113287265644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610807474335778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26260850092711624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581973872966751,0.0,0.16536310821865052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204395039243776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432821462826927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492442912468656,0.0,0.0,0.2446747204749669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336639434014868,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thankgodimfreitag,2019/01/03,"“Normal” on Lamictal? Can anyone define, with clarity, how they “feel” on lamictal as their sole prescription? I’m especially interested in those who have a more nuanced mood issue wit less discrete symptoms than BPD. Like, what would a “normal” person experience on the drug? Anything? ",6.018297872340425,9.450042319148938,6.654723404255321,64.09400000000002,72.61702127659575,9.71744680851064,32.80425531914893,9.888512548439397,4.526892765957447,227,11,30,7,5,74,42,47,0.0,0.8170000000000001,0.183,0.8463,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,7,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952474732004872,0.0,0.2297864580661545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516864708473277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238237309290605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731452272596502,0.0,0.0,0.14118951109937578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29144859642139564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642002453001092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471816575202592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24381706739611556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902318869423451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983603989258451,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,farrahmaybe,2019/01/03,"how to stop having an fp? i have an fp and i really need to stop having him as my fp before he leaves me. were online friends but extremely intimate but he isnt rly loyal to me, he doesnt so LDR so one day hes going to date someone else and i really cant have him as my fp when that happens. how does one lose interest from an fp??",-0.7285000000000004,1.0347128666666698,2.6982500000000016,92.415375,87.0,6.416666666666668,17.375,7.645422480735847,0.3169,255,6,62,5,8,93,45,75,0.135,0.7879999999999999,0.077,-0.5531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,2,0,9,12,11,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,10,3,7,11,0,6,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256519262122308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710216463316625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320641757978879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152708057346795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488038612365725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071009417160008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345012044093617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807914095854902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966728988197849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663046601566905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593908820535163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397671318336473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224689417119842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44341114858980063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sansuh85,2019/01/03,am i a bad person for wishing my brother was dead? title is not clickbait. i just wrote a whole ass post explaining what i meant and why and then accidentally exited instead of posting it. tl dr he has been mentally abusing me for as long as i remember and i dont know what to do anymore,2.591525423728818,4.314276966101699,5.0120000000000005,80.14613559322035,75.94915254237287,8.109830508474579,30.444067796610174,8.841846274778883,2.661858305084746,227,11,45,5,5,80,48,59,0.263,0.708,0.03,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,0,11,12,6,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,6,8,1,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,2,33,10,0,0.0,0.2994400921410708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25063721008509265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101643458187652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961940859841877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889211427206166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236553849062068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25468930879397944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067141178995464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840850877201245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28629035154698346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280467499670052,0.2821605978866946,0.2906235031645445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Phenixonfire,2019/01/03,"Advice for feeling more appreciated by a bpd partner I'll keep it short and I hope this post is appropriate for this sub.  My partner is amazing and I try to support him in every way. I celebrate his goals (which are often changing) and dreams (ditto).  We have a good thing.  He's very needy on my time but other than time together, he doesnt display any 'love languages' . He doesnt give me gifts, initiate hugs or say affectionate things.   I spoiled him for the last two Christmas's and on his birthday every year and in return this year i got a random gift that seemed to have no thought behind it (I dont care how much it cost, of course, I just wish it seemed like he picked it out for me).   Is there a particular way to bpd people show appreciation and how can i discuss this with him? Maybe he's just being an inconsiderate jerk? I know he cares about me but sometimes I'm ready to just give up because I do have self respect.  The only time I've seen him pursue me is when I became really angry and away 

Thank you!",3.3107865853658534,4.778340478048783,4.545411585365856,85.29470274390245,73.48780487804878,7.076219512195122,25.007621951219512,7.645422480735847,1.1449573170731706,798,25,166,10,16,263,130,205,0.10400000000000001,0.665,0.231,0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,0,1,9,13,1,0,7,0,14,2,0,3,0,29,32,13,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,14,10,0,1,5,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,3,3,25,12,21,28,2,19,0,0,1,2,22,8,0,6,9,103,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458077483516126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936559821867856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293947663166024,0.0,0.0,0.08395432138428702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469131850034387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808344134477874,0.0,0.1456920806165099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614096744646638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23207419194172665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963660397079359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642318285040834,0.0,0.1155150488242464,0.11014921678526322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678945852778046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224140330058851,0.0,0.0,0.07568865149981144,0.11226217050852684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728422775822132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429987951876448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383607025523034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124184025305863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474412194742803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547939931220432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190002791999506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822852191530357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952241239302206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25075467452372097,0.14367454150236214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621101512538222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628579329963502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679631954188744,0.0,0.0,0.18299333956314848,0.0,0.0,0.1093362339446478,0.2409211876237787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350449670423397,0.0,0.1345348124334231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363543680420245,0.0,0.21863532550101294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837400966903029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737747244101165
bpd,Bpdtryingtohelp,2019/01/03,"Teaching wife dbt via manual? Trying to help wife... Has bpd and want to try dbt. So this is a long frustrating process finding dbt outpt. We found a place but insurance was denied after a month of going and my wife can't go anymore. Also she felt more overwhelmed due to being in a group while going and the therapist there was issues. There really is not any dbt out there unless you got inpt.. So my question is, as a health care professional and SO, reading Linehan, dbt skills manual and having the worksheets and handouts, has anyone tried to teach there SO?  I read in the book it's ok for SO or health care providers and so forth to learn it and act as skills trainers.  I also have helped her through college in teaching her things in the past as well.  Would be doing individual therapy via a licensed therapist in addition.

Ive started reading it and the training manual is pretty self explanatory. Also she is forgetful so me learning and teaching it I feel would be beneficial. ",4.260725806451614,6.469553822580643,5.12116935483871,79.05175403225806,72.60215053763442,7.8758064516129025,28.829301075268816,8.660442795831766,2.452033333333333,785,32,137,15,16,255,113,186,0.043,0.8190000000000001,0.138,0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,2,15,6,1,1,11,1,19,2,0,0,0,28,30,27,0,3,4,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,13,0,0,7,4,0,4,2,2,1,0,5,2,13,4,19,20,1,18,0,1,0,0,14,7,0,2,7,97,19,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129063214687552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869456243887751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293481433274298,0.0911973132638718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426774045672632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659572281122774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594760926857694,0.0,0.12522999233334592,0.0,0.11920755210369385,0.0,0.0,0.143006037988798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223733322007923,0.0,0.10431406897500277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772747595572948,0.0,0.0,0.17484440519581984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613148745267062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542343921310735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041052700314764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450695047291604,0.0,0.0,0.13626804006338827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269074428178107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461076446928116,0.0,0.391385694344095,0.0,0.08355462153287728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606339173021192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231662078063116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491541871200084,0.3028706770156205,0.08664963947210856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656533056706221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692898958215462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726917954378033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530263304776776,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,JokerAsylum123,2019/01/03,"My ex girlfriend has BPD. What can I do for her? I used to be for 2 years of on-off relationships with this girl that has BPD. The relationship ended because of how incompatible she and I were (no surprise there, I'm not neurotypical either but I have ASD) Anyway, we've been talking recently. We discovered it's very likely (practically certain, though tomorrow we'll make an appointment with a therapist) that she has BPD. She has also gone through many traumatic experiences. What can I do for her?",3.004692082111436,5.926082763440863,4.709423264907136,76.356862170088,81.58064516129029,8.543108504398829,27.80938416422288,9.095868883498916,3.049245161290324,399,18,71,12,11,134,70,93,0.061,0.8859999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.4242,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,3,1,11,17,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,13,3,9,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,13,0,0,0,5,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817559750170098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295049359604062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7000952691003471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641111139562231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812482587317905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090522877336269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368188898310922,0.18785402858179048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829505972163088,0.3978622243824392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892833098201266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151348844050862,0.0,0.0,0.18204556457180368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003025994520612,0.0,0.1528828828034407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932008224641615
bpd,tirarlejos1028,2019/01/03,Rejected Sexually by my SO and feeling awful Getting rejected is literally the worst feeling in the world for me. My thoughts are jumping in a thousand different directions. Is she really just tired and I'm an abusive pos for making a big deal? Is she over me? Should I be trying harder? I have to sit there and think about all of this while fighting back the self destructive impulses to guilt trip and at that point I know I'm just a piece of shit. Ahhh,2.7248938826466897,5.189088056179777,4.30936329588015,81.77980024968791,78.5505617977528,8.000499375780276,27.86641697877653,8.841846274778883,2.5684222222222224,363,16,68,9,9,121,65,89,0.32,0.635,0.046,-0.9846,1,2,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,1,7,1,7,2,1,1,1,14,16,6,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,0,1,1,2,9,0,12,13,3,12,0,2,0,0,5,7,1,0,2,51,11,0,0.0,0.3356386813123169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782366833724115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920476781246356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959657228630636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864682259932099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800131591920526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568244634720513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909058765802345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677897309284784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147545050933667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955212393889263,0.0,0.29078129284263354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151341416211694,0.0,0.22489147365686,0.0,0.3255869452279925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923274956406852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ambird138,2019/01/03,"I'm worried my biggest regret is not killing myself when I first thought to do it. Obviously I'm feeling really low right now. I feel really lost and like I'm without a sense of self. See, I spent a really long time creating an identity for myself, as a person. I had a career, a creative outlet, friends, and a stable relationship. Then I had twins and everything shifted. I gave up all of that to take care of them, my husband and I moved away, I've had zero luck with finding a therapist, and I feel like I'm drifting.

I love my kids and my husband more than anything. They're a huge part of the reason I can't kill myself, but I can't imagine living another lifetime with this fucking illness. I'm stuck with this pain, and I think my biggest regret is not killing myself when I first thought to do it, before I had anyone relying on me. Before anyone would know to miss me.

I don't know guys. I'm not in crisis, other than just being really depressed, but I can't get this thought out of my head and I needed to tell somebody else. I don't want to down in it.",2.9048751007252207,4.240530575342465,4.736400752081654,84.04982272361002,74.29680365296804,7.344721998388398,27.494225087295195,7.928766900206844,1.7258700510341116,832,32,168,12,17,284,118,219,0.138,0.7040000000000001,0.158,0.0994,0,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,1,3,4,17,4,0,10,0,15,5,1,1,2,39,43,14,3,5,7,2,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,4,8,12,0,0,12,0,1,2,9,11,0,3,11,4,31,6,26,30,3,22,0,6,1,2,12,12,1,1,10,114,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933269737617134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248432913221393,0.0,0.10149827399433244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158819481390362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990643514398769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575330463979334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623252279708477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030347060438946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084999884767377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709316210311144,0.08811408873486368,0.0,0.0,0.1127304846832838,0.2098258059971521,0.0,0.0,0.09529214353280717,0.11402580123241783,0.06444003599292022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221259472604892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658237775032274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093721587260148,0.0,0.13556882766578093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051534406848545,0.0,0.10891144025236638,0.10915197918825437,0.0,0.0,0.13464013121044666,0.0,0.11131912520200403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109085305978224,0.0,0.09145501404501853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312424085884638,0.0,0.0,0.13356515223546248,0.0,0.0,0.10769569155350747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31605893474723,0.1268140163235675,0.0,0.1324209533386416,0.0,0.10533164793688947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828597552308738,0.0,0.12867047285775954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273629656408718,0.0,0.10780455739022148,0.0,0.0,0.14320719456862008,0.0,0.07903126312870057,0.0,0.2937544419846955,0.07192051982871059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274910128385112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889531554508972,0.0,0.0,0.1252577117052507,0.0,0.08761716547284194,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,micasubs,2019/01/03,"Currently having a breakdown because FP rain checked I hate having BPD. I hate having a FP. I fucking hate checking my phone every second of the fucking day hoping that they text me. I hate that i like them so much but because they leave me on read I decide to do it back but 2x harder. Because fuck them right? They obviously don’t give a fuck about me and two can play this game. Oh wait? They fucking texted back? They want to see me tonight? That’s amazing! I feel so fucking amazing again, I feel almost high. Night over. Cycle repeats. ",0.9433333333333352,3.5317207547169818,1.9716603773584929,93.51327672955978,91.45283018867924,3.5813836477987424,22.161006289308176,5.2151,0.0997542138364782,424,16,82,2,15,133,68,106,0.17800000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.156,-0.4045,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,7,0,6,15,10,0,4,0,6,6,0,0,1,11,23,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,1,10,0,2,0,3,20,5,6,23,1,12,0,0,1,6,10,4,6,2,9,52,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299594158074155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18889651525063372,0.0,0.22462705986346845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469937995309807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921482743616734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348910087157832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242125110490042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6813230287316813,0.0,0.11782919128037715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850745705509013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977604726612907,0.0,0.12199734880735595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005864189108096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000826007646089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029377140741147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526710883606152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286267948736293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104895670713717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978791609756588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199865151585438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724479861699489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,maybescrewed999,2019/01/03,"Realization: BPD Traits Hi r/BPD

I have always thought/battled with me being an undiagnosed BPD. There is definitely a shaming aspect to it - I work as a mental health nurse caring for those with BPD types. Even in the MH field, we often look at those diagnosed with BPD and say ""that's such a borderline thing to do!"" I'm talking about those who show severe traits of BPD - attention-seeking by vocalizing suicidal ideation. Here's the thing, and maybe I'm diagnosing myself, but I've often wondered about my own personal traits. A psychiatrist I work week mentioned during one of our meetings that we often can tell a BPD based on extremes but there are those who still have BPD diagnoses/traits that ""fly under the radar"" meaning you wouldn't ""see"" them as a BPD which makes me question my own identity. I have battled with depression, chronic feelings of emptiness, passive suicidal ideation, 1 attempt via OD on sleeping pills, perseverating/ruminating thoughts and in my younger years, high impulsivity (i.e. excessive shopping, getting several tattoos). I always relate it to ""being young"" but none went away except for the high impulsivity - if anything, I'm more cautious, isolating, and paranoid nowadays. I just wanted to write this post to see if anyone feels the same - those that don't experience the obvious/severe traits of BPD. I have shame about noticing such traits in me since I work with this population and there is BPD stigma. Thanks for reading. ",7.168575718575717,8.863341123552125,6.878809523809526,71.37313492063494,64.4054054054054,9.61655941655942,36.010510510510514,9.861636050157227,3.829316430716432,1177,56,188,25,18,370,155,259,0.122,0.84,0.039,-0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,3,1,1,4,15,6,1,2,13,0,13,6,1,1,0,33,30,12,3,4,7,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,18,12,0,0,6,3,1,1,3,4,0,1,2,6,20,2,32,25,5,16,0,1,3,0,16,10,0,7,4,124,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103703207685781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357254386187025,0.0,0.0512804614514537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854759436396944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8633280276551937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353494731677826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053672368758613295,0.12649812417337594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04115889200001605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095665260267207,0.0,0.0,0.0630173191424248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03255734951561595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623861049306766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167978842945424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232944236018485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159617307630045,0.0,0.06260443539984742,0.06787999957939828,0.0,0.0,0.0627995075511958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094676829102994,0.0,0.0,0.04222668988509515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441161255122101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968115675065955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980777754396977,0.0,0.06233250272908535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049555897483987234,0.0,0.0,0.09931499286996033,0.0,0.0,0.211196804672324,0.0,0.05154814072484664,0.0,0.06236064284150165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976534998715358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363263901648111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008695034030702,0.05446661536184323,0.05737186823475227,0.0,0.0,0.08279948348016503,0.0,0.0,0.09894331365168912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03675537856163683,0.0,0.04998584697058235,0.0,0.0,0.05776722188183742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757865254002099,0.13609958260996588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012922856699047
bpd,1imzadi1,2019/01/03,"I feel stupid, but I also feel proven right? I moved back to my parents a while back, and I finally (after months) have gotten to see the people I consider family. Only to have one of the people I had romantic and platonic feelings for tell me they're going to Thailand for three months. But hearing how their describing it and what they want to do with their life, there's a really good chance they may never come back.

I already grieved everyone when I had to move back to my parents, and now I'm grieving again because I still have to go back to my parents tonight... And now it's possible that I may never see one of them ever again. And I'm having a panic attack, because I want to be supportive, but I also really *really* want to beg them to stay.

I guess I'm not really looking for any advice on how to handle it, but just support of knowing I'm not alone because I feel really possessive over them and they were never even mine to begin with.",6.540785340314138,5.646190225130893,7.489366492146598,75.38671989528798,65.59685863874346,10.781361256544503,32.189005235602096,10.125756701596842,3.0704571727748684,747,25,144,15,10,253,99,191,0.11199999999999999,0.769,0.11900000000000001,-0.3554,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,8,0,19,8,2,1,5,0,11,1,0,2,4,34,35,17,2,3,7,3,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,10,0,0,5,0,0,5,5,5,0,3,4,8,27,3,25,28,0,31,0,2,3,0,13,3,0,3,22,112,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993610467585294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591986406303,0.11285640885127213,0.16356899988045714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954644191046137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634577655413322,0.0,0.3931928261189331,0.0,0.1870267397433264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809570693020112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754772450525512,0.09250818540603886,0.0,0.09772243315840798,0.0,0.0,0.09641013222654872,0.0,0.20684116144285847,0.0,0.0,0.11203071472468143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162436839800319,0.08577840352810982,0.0,0.0,0.11266085763844005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152646204739322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056204379922198906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223563468901764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588022136402541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326031530526813,0.21739157110250315,0.0,0.0,0.2366285233421563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386002720931427,0.07778019964545207,0.0,0.11999066221880712,0.3406729386063667,0.0,0.0,0.14180092596047472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529295609589042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275807711882758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733718599486767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299033942942004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900517011978753,0.0816721730710958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210734843325406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938763291281135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809627566140631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,want2change44,2019/01/03,determining if you have BPD or it was just codependency? Anyone have an answer here?,3.671999999999997,6.909549866666668,5.428333333333337,69.5025,83.66666666666666,8.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.2903333333333338,68,2,11,2,2,23,14,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853885427892346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8742985545732894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,daffodilsandlilies,2019/01/03,"Does anyone know good bpd vloggers? My boyfriend was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder just last year, and as he's been coming to terms with it, I've been trying to help out and be as supportive as I can be. For example, I've looked into a variety of bpd books, from personal bpd memoirs to self-help type books on bpd, and after doing a bit of research to determine which are the best and not hateful, I bring it up and show the books to him. 

He has a therapist but she isn't well-versed in treating people with bpd, but she is trying to help him get into a therapy group that does focus on and help those with bpd. 

In the meantime, I thought it might be helpful and neat to find vloggers who talk about bpd and the struggles that come with it. Especially because my bf has shown more of an interest in people personally talking about their struggles with bpd, rather than self-help type things.

So, does anyone know of and can recommend vloggers who have bpd and talk about it?

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bpd,66666m,2019/01/03,"Meds have been too good to be true I started an SSRI mid July, I was going through a really rough time because I had moved to a different city and the person I was closest to was my boyfriend at the time, who went overseas for 2 months a few weeks before I started meds. As soon as 3 days after I started meds my brain started getting clearer and I started to get angry about things that my bf had done and said, I stopped ignoring the red flags and started trusting myself and my feelings. I broke up with him that day, even though a few weeks before I thought I couldn’t live without him, and it’s been uphill since then. I’ve increased my dosage twice but I’m still on a very low dose and everyday I just feel stronger and like I’ve grown more mentally, emotionally and spiritually these past few months than I ever have in my life. I started appreciating my friendships more and just overall becoming a positive, motivated person with goals and dreams that seem achievable. But as a person with BPD, who’s been disappointed and deceived by my own brain before, I’m scared that it won’t last. For a long time I thought meds wouldn’t help me and I hadn’t really came across people with bpd who had “success” with being medicated, so I’m in constant fear that it’s too good to be true. 

So I guess I would like to hear what your experiences have been with medication? I wanna know it all, wether they worked for you or not? are you still taking them? If you stopped taking them did they have a lasting effect on you? 
While I am extremely grateful for how much they’ve helped, it feels like a lie that meds have had such a good impact in my life, has anyone felt that before? 
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bpd,dovakooon,2019/01/03,"I was diagnosed with PTSD not too long ago, and the ways I began to suspect that I had PTSD in the first place before I got officially diagnosed seem to be repeating except for BPD. With ptsd, it started with me gaining a sufficient amount of understanding of it. I found out that my symptoms met with the criteria for ptsd diagnosal. Then, I took many screening tests online, all of them coming out saying that I most likely had ptsd. Then, to confirm all of my concerns, I got evaluated by a psychiatrist, and she diagnosed me, gave me meds (for PTSD as well as insomnia.)  

This week, the same thing has began to happen, except for BPD. I first became suspicious (for a lack of better expression), did research, checked the criteria (Once again, I met it), and took online screening tests (many were from the same websites as I did the PTSD screenings.) Of course, I wont be self diagnosing, I am gonna hear it from a doctor first. But is it wrong for me to think that I probably do have BPD? ",7.30857142857143,6.713121259259263,7.639201058201059,73.95626190476193,63.920634920634924,11.157883597883597,34.24391534391534,10.577609850970193,3.4723286772486777,774,29,147,17,10,254,105,189,0.055999999999999994,0.9009999999999999,0.043,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,5,3,4,0,0,11,0,14,8,0,0,2,25,32,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,1,11,10,0,0,5,0,1,3,2,1,1,3,16,5,22,3,32,12,7,21,0,0,3,0,9,4,0,2,14,109,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300574871724218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008092890264084,0.0,0.0,0.07283930836270779,0.0,0.0,0.311182549516721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094446553100857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41796019088570496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429730799669002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101620283619053,0.0,0.0903017301183821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317390655193016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282925747480441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282389777105336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040236152138677005,0.0,0.0,0.07288458867711556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669969735010156,0.0,0.0,0.0914816114399336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770900371397335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604699459283577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879628038346854,0.0,0.6739079023636224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549470201955472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497599043475732,0.08591776859083218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829369649291723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560190777519255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471525865976636,0.05277193458703742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830064163392559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573799462519703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537226117359304,0.06606293738482295,0.0,0.07405008873258942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004597704594529,0.0,0.0
bpd,Paradise_Princess,2019/01/03,"BPD: I am relapsing. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2016 after a horrible break up and an abortion that fucked up my hormones super bad. With lots of therapy and mindfulness meditation, I actually worked myself out of the diagnosis and lived a relatively normal life the past two years (still struggling with trichotillomania, but my mood was at least stable). These past six months I’ve been struggling with homelessness, uprootedness, and a bunch of complicated issues. I haven’t talked to a therapist but I’m exhibiting every symptom of BPD again and it sucks. I suck. I don’t want to meditate again. It was such hard work. And I’ve never found a helpful medication. I take a klonopin every night before bed, but idk
If it helps. With BPD, I also have PMDD which is super fun for everyone around me. I feel desperate and useless. I’m realizing I’m
Not a special snowflake and that being 25 and living off my parents money anymore is starting to be uncool. Last semester, I went through a super expensive art grad school program, and was so excited to show my family my art portfolio when I got home and no one cared to see it or had anything to say about my work. They have no idea how many hours I worked on it. I wish just one person would have said something nice. Sorry if this post is useless. ",3.919933481152995,6.219871089430896,5.079852180339987,78.55862527716191,73.87804878048779,8.537767923133776,28.2549889135255,9.218907990703514,2.6897219512195116,1032,42,187,25,22,340,158,246,0.16899999999999998,0.695,0.13699999999999998,-0.4235,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,7,11,17,3,2,11,0,18,5,0,1,1,38,35,21,0,6,8,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,10,18,0,0,4,3,3,1,6,8,0,4,10,5,22,8,27,22,3,25,0,2,1,1,8,8,3,4,14,125,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.09992814714858908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188966792858086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015538112609149,0.0,0.0,0.08426691221472465,0.0911581830796364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550016640866552,0.0,0.0,0.08713531002789215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5158795381661029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440416635444176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393438381142953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255372833117127,0.09784809598840233,0.0,0.0,0.09653410754791716,0.0,0.0517767854449705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227689719768777,0.0,0.09466764117784238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189905939143864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173076258023596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727383531386048,0.0,0.10271608217840274,0.0,0.10084389636876956,0.0,0.0,0.11559773566467542,0.0,0.10687955024171138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347010027146858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232852363977417,0.0,0.0,0.18084309050295488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705726988066455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381806639539527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315776225823134,0.0,0.0,0.10339534555876496,0.0,0.08173512716978562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897760257376167,0.0,0.0,0.09609596187476266,0.1003307790367972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877850038593376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370367178425365,0.0,0.1955057880806435,0.0,0.08941219420687121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807140291711404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974063548046678,0.08143301259015226,0.0,0.10363480463506933,0.08159996564872672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883293187466939,0.0,0.11462901119733293,0.07247962314595954,0.0,0.08177719661654176,0.0,0.0,0.21410253782327335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643336054139203,0.07699245567585676,0.08230566824024313,0.0,0.0,0.11710393189964236,0.1188949094238267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000304397550206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060398486499669016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492631847343333,0.0,0.0,0.11775555743833058,0.0,0.0,0.29819522564455,0.0,0.0,0.07274239946006616,0.0,0.0,0.06594258485954685
bpd,temporary_wishes,2019/09/05,"A person's attractiveness to me is dependent on how attractive they find me... Oh god. This is so narcissistic. 

Physically it really doesn't matter - shamefully enough I feel like if I am ""in control"" by being desired then well, it's the most important thing right?  

 I complain if they are clingy etc and in the same breath complain if they're not 100% available all the time.

Maybe this stems from my childhood where my parents always strictly monitored and forbade any interaction with heterosexual boys. So I never learned how to make those kind of friendships without it having to lead to something more, without WANTING it to lead to something more. AGHH.

How do you all deal with unhealthy attraction and fantasizing? It's honestly driving me insane. I just want platonic friendships/buddies cause that's less stressful than juggling romance, hands down.",6.301843056272586,9.083368187919463,5.906845637583892,73.12771295818277,68.46308724832215,8.611461022199277,36.29375322663913,9.265573868473778,3.9057316468766134,696,37,105,15,13,215,108,149,0.094,0.708,0.19899999999999998,0.9368,1,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,3,8,12,0,2,4,0,8,2,2,9,3,33,12,12,0,6,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,4,1,0,0,2,13,8,18,11,9,13,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,5,5,79,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531949213824582,0.0,0.0,0.135110697366167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041013312009667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283896223283095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483260630050346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529180586655546,0.22158315301924436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045968132543946,0.1419385910486788,0.0,0.0,0.1815919155939589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689691928663784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706607866251138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262189977198632,0.0,0.19960295726365407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532359476978308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22061305148267096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734816184403181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272808938118718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967349847972862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059105020143213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275897690526807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199561386495862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585317851601044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343757981168761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863914305499026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830450683440124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,fullofBPD,2019/09/05,"Does anyone else use maladaptive daydreams to cope? I didn't even realize it had a name until recently. I'm constantly daydreaming. In my daydreams I'm not ~~such a piece of shit~~ as lazy as I am IRL, which is funny because if I put the amount of effort I put into my maladaptive daydreams into literally anything I would be a pro at whatever that thing was.

I feel like over the last year or so it has really started to take over my life. I put off doing things IRL to daydream instead. If I go too long without doing it my anxiety levels spike like crazy. I don't currently have a job and I have a theory that this might be the main reason I get so burnt out anytime I do start working, which leads to me either being fired or leaving on my own because I can't handle it.

I've tried to stop in the past but I genuinely don't know how, and if I'm being honestly I don't know if I want to completely stop doing it.

Does anyone else here do this? And if so do you have any advice with how to cut back or control it more so I can potentially function in a work environment?",3.8506427503736913,4.489173107623323,5.7120358744394615,80.58927952167416,71.28699551569507,8.995994020926759,28.31958146487295,9.21078282632365,2.293845680119582,845,30,173,17,15,293,129,223,0.078,0.875,0.046,-0.5534,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,5,12,5,2,0,10,0,26,2,1,6,0,35,39,21,0,7,12,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,7,0,3,5,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,3,2,24,3,25,30,6,30,0,0,0,0,2,12,1,9,15,129,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310657530358875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120984662676848,0.0,0.10260553606381552,0.0,0.0,0.18756714564781554,0.27485457049326284,0.11037374605030872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313412557101333,0.0,0.1635231535310443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062789192988448,0.1449418691814878,0.1504330002282585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347480191444252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22408906145324295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858853771474931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781781387031646,0.09581918658064344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700749666792608,0.0,0.07622653507421481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309872752501134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742358434544905,0.10933007283666707,0.0,0.1420193939162167,0.0,0.0,0.09473671089392567,0.13105375547689946,0.0,0.0,0.1186967261382759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422858151616983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803783619122447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40449910838276937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592414242105675,0.13790321236495826,0.13243261558552147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767775833847015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986924544118602,0.0,0.0,0.224269619470834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084558134636083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782138636054999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106231768833764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584125015081027,0.0,0.0,0.07911061454050276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929206426976111,0.0,0.1952897243038823,0.0,0.0,0.09527881008190672,0.0,0.0,0.08637233670841392
bpd,jcmc_92,2019/09/05,"DAE have specific months were your BPD gets bad even though there's no significance to it So nearly every year like clockwork October/November becomes one of the most difficult times for me. 
I struggle to get out of bed, my anxiety reaches a point where I cant even describe the pain I feel, and it's that anxiety that causes me to lash out at myself and others. 
Last year I spent days crying at my door because i was battling to get out. I've hurt myself just to see if that pain would distract me from what I was feeling. It never does but it makes me feel in control now. 

Ofcourse there are still other months were I get these symptoms but never at this intensity. There isn't even a logical explanation for it. Nothing significant has happened in October. 

I'm a worried and already exhausted for next month. I'm already feeling this sort of static energy which is usually a sign.",4.647975708502023,6.29451686549708,5.687368421052632,77.71542510121459,70.40350877192985,8.770310391363024,31.86729644624381,9.265573868473778,3.020229509671615,708,32,127,15,13,234,110,171,0.175,0.769,0.055999999999999994,-0.9444,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,0,1,12,10,1,2,6,0,11,4,0,3,2,24,25,8,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,15,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,5,9,0,1,5,5,16,1,21,19,1,25,0,1,1,0,1,11,0,3,15,92,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913993903862365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200698942298176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024052406128852,0.0804849845655831,0.14581807005083672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628865483167865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563239608365954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480842001891452,0.0,0.0,0.14503005640073588,0.0851491912965487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155413792460489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616160563209378,0.0,0.1112419673491395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670357357846705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759233779352634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675474036076484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134211367711652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762303728618693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645037675647411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881318408527668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31615809530752004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036611778091988,0.0,0.14041666251325707,0.0,0.0,0.12668748237108474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946774757057371,0.0,0.2809809782699961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248121455462222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521175986374524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544027444555824,0.0,0.0,0.1380276610204196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372309544709605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971996835353442,0.0,0.07698844541372603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454136964356169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340840767452058,0.0,0.09379116526655712,0.0,0.0,0.17004750793410522
bpd,uxzehjwiwxtrueit,2019/09/05,"Mania?? I keep reading about people experiencing mania with BPD. There are tons of memes about mood swings and manic episodes. 

But I've never experienced mania before. At least, I don't think I have. I have mood swings but i go from down to very, very down. There's never a big burst of energy or motivation. I never feel like ""getting my life together"" at 4am.

I'm feeling cheated here, ya know? I'd kill for a lil mania every once in a while.",0.9262410623084812,3.4010877528089907,3.2103983656792643,86.45643513789581,87.20224719101124,5.483554647599592,18.20326864147089,6.980632752743323,0.34128314606741617,346,9,69,5,11,118,64,89,0.158,0.758,0.084,-0.8659,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,3,14,12,5,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,13,12,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,5,41,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936649290334716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866454888287473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175696707236245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015577670112666,0.16259252585544345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189079790614576,0.0,0.12934637954262118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229516690247756,0.25179799756518184,0.0,0.1250791924079628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607557073396401,0.11119047179500516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5266013901638243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423791785559945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778436953124558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276546475567149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583244153278466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37557621605746655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,halcyonfawn,2019/09/05,"How did you get diagnosed? It recently dawned on me that BPD makes the most sense as to what has been wrong with me most of my adult life. I have most of the symptoms of BPD, so I’m almost positive about it. I’m seeing a psychiatrist next week for my severe anxiety/depression, but I’m wondering how you all got diagnosed? I don’t want to just walk into this new doctor’s office and be like “so, I think I have Borderline Personality Disorder”, you know? Thank you so much in advance.",3.132603092783505,4.854092814432988,4.9531829896907205,81.14668170103094,74.4639175257732,9.386082474226805,25.527061855670105,9.827888789773867,2.455392783505156,381,13,78,11,8,130,71,97,0.076,0.813,0.111,0.5228,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,3,1,17,19,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,12,2,12,15,5,9,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,5,5,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619327393137775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683729179749058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015090140309202,0.3774528510801997,0.0,0.0,0.2131047487481716,0.1903187189568812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971466136639379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148714180690056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218843241775608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133578350638267,0.09084148845047184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241172090437966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668819229227136,0.0,0.0,0.17958319015948615,0.1977505982600048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235670231110147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835945238715192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817107944777752,0.0,0.0,0.2100606539517754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932641245041827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118969453906374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914362660164254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096729498660962,0.0,0.149150831887797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016453227277003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329753589851232,0.0,0.0
bpd,Sad_Dad_0613,2019/09/05,"Gaslit to think I’m abusive? I am going crazy. 

I’m trying to repair things with my wife who is a good mom and a good person and 95% of the time we have fun together. The unfortunate part is I was a bad husband a bad communicator and had a temper so for 15 years of being together she took on the relationship herself. 

We adopted our daughter and had a son of our own shortly after. After that point she snapped and wasn’t having it any more. I wasn’t helping around the house enough (fair) and arguments started getting more animated and frequent. She would yell and scream and I would respond in kind. A few got physical where I grabbed some supplies of her telling her to leave me alone which she tried to grab from me (she initiated contact) I wrestled them back and with my hands on the bin of supplies shook her off which resulted in her falling back and hitting her back which resulted in bruising. She remembers it being I grabbed her and threw her but I never dropped the supplies... this has been evolving. Now I’ve been abusive to her for 15 years emotionally verbally and physically. 

I’m in DBT Therapy and enjoying it, I’ve read so many damn relationship and parenting and other books trying to work on myself. Every argument though it’s still how scared she is and how I’m controlling her and abusing her. She never looks at her behavior or checks whether what the issue is and if it is actual abuse. I’ve asked her repeatedly now to specifically tell me the behavior that is abusive or controlling on the moment. She makes excuses and never can give me a tangible answer. She then says that’s not her job and she did all the work for 15 years. 

We’re separated after she demanded I get out and move into a one bedroom so I stupidly obeyed and moved in with a friend and saw my kids at her place with supervision and together on weekends as a family where we always had fun. Inevitably I would say something wrong or would ask her to be kind and another fight would start and boom I’m just as bad as I’ve always been.

There’s no convincing her that normal couples have fights. Normal couples say things they later regret. They take time to cool off and make up and say sorry and then each Netflix and eat ice cream together and plan out thanksgiving. 

No, if I apologize and don’t immediately eliminate the behavior forever I’m lying to her and controlling her. Because when you apologize you need to learn from it and be perfect by it. If I make the same mistake twice I lied to her by apologizing. 

I’ve taken everything from her and if I take her kids I will have fully taken everything. No realization or self reflection that her behavior is her responsibility. I’ve started setting boundaries with I will hang up if you scream at me on the phone. I’ve got months of text messages recorded and documented to show I am the one trying to be calm and rational when she is ranting and raving. 

I’ve had my limits. I’ve yelled at her that no other guy would put up with this bs and you are destined to be alone with this level of control. 

She doesn’t drink smoke or do drugs, is insanely organized, she’s good to the kids albeit a bit controlling and OCD with things but really cares about them. She loved me, at least at one point in time. I’m so tired of being criticized and racking my brain of how I’m being abusive. She says I lie in couples therapy and put on an act. I know implementing strategies is 10x harder than thinking of them and I do struggle with staying calm sometimes but I don’t think I’m an abuser. I’ve stopped making critical comments or telling her to do things or even really offering my unsolicited opinion on things. 

I still feel like I’m going crazy and am an abuser and don’t know it. 

I get to see my kids twice a week I am lucky in that regard and I’m now worried of starting a court case as I know it’s going to all blow up and she’s going to use all the abuse allegations. 

She even gets mad at me for going to appointments for the kids now when I am trying to do better and be there for them as she thinks it’s a trick to get her kids from her and is angry I never did this before. 

I’m convinced she has some level of BPD but then she seems so great and normal other times. She has refused therapy as it “doesn’t work for her”.  She is really pretty good at implementing the things I ask her to do like a top yelling at me and blaming me and has asked that I need to “give her time” for her to drop her “anger shield” built up from all the abuse over the years.

I don’t understand why if I am so abusive and terrible she wants to be with me. She just wants her kids as much as possible and sometimes I think she needs them more than they need her. But she’s incredibly caring and attentive to them, more than i would ever be. So I sit with what I’m given and I keep working on myself. 

I just hope I don’t go crazy.",3.660898224043717,5.125692107581969,4.900159016393442,83.10904863387981,72.59631147540983,8.279103825136612,27.255136612021857,8.841846274778883,2.0283088415300554,3851,139,778,75,75,1275,365,976,0.182,0.721,0.09699999999999999,-0.9982,2,2,4,0,8,0,62.0,5,4,9,14,35,45,8,3,39,1,72,7,2,16,10,169,146,101,0,25,23,6,5,2,1,9,2,11,1,10,38,76,2,9,16,6,1,16,18,20,0,5,20,21,138,25,119,105,19,112,0,1,4,1,130,47,1,19,46,550,176,9,0.0,0.5535989619269324,0.04145050154416997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798476385235106,0.0,0.0,0.07068695937179144,0.0,0.0,0.028885173344925786,0.04453984626530329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781269358359707,0.15883750690103,0.0,0.0,0.0979843911070156,0.1063971928093301,0.02589300832278176,0.0,0.03614399351858562,0.0,0.0,0.03756661805977805,0.04637284986113672,0.0,0.0534971031774546,0.04741732403527524,0.0,0.0,0.0866143360440296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23820253235220576,0.0,0.14099683781847144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161036220230184,0.049258737485925914,0.043463607489238235,0.0,0.047779843726975385,0.0,0.04388911843654809,0.0,0.056110066246137937,0.03842202272142437,0.03578790754524908,0.0,0.07634947708272401,0.0,0.040042643520950216,0.0,0.021477169208867997,0.03034490152666682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032816894020988904,0.0,0.11095992562914264,0.08149380307992803,0.14484072239118753,0.14250759562080428,0.06794396142906624,0.046829999584248175,0.0,0.042057971621559255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028470803697532826,0.0,0.0,0.04218830585165727,0.0,0.049011663471882766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433396484122444,0.04215092951840008,0.03775466852906876,0.0,0.08846454788001362,0.07003118544383398,0.0,0.0,0.04497600821978885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041503308956807074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035669187565256666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03833629718913455,0.0,0.11341238373939355,0.04306405196361968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974744117907467,0.03390398112682273,0.09029064668910117,0.031224787111159044,0.12598182357269144,0.1310406059093941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485254345430713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634862061423644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047164631361200485,0.04599742731465975,0.0,0.0,0.03708845205073804,0.04437843595335152,0.0,0.08030720117189519,0.04788536883836996,0.0,0.04321341742328092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854003326440208,0.0,0.0,0.04248754871019352,0.0,0.08163374372842919,0.0,0.0,0.09120677173929666,0.048117089068365614,0.0,0.0,0.16889331536866078,0.042525940148349824,0.0,0.033847915713851214,0.03866860435152263,0.044311788095624915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270014162819957,0.0840198072033056,0.04754846498431061,0.12025907882251265,0.045273822037609684,0.06784286332441453,0.035511883168293734,0.0,0.044405194271530175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387341292611166,0.0,0.11137783043897584,0.0,0.14572520901893965,0.0,0.1693152175919696,0.13608470175437626,0.04173250747749237,0.0,0.1238406436067132,0.048819975692702314,0.0,0.0,0.047192458987058254,0.14419226261731116,0.0,0.0,0.04421907030277498,0.0,0.03668567281766536,0.0,0.0,0.05010695443391714,0.0,0.034071728472277574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038328032085681064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369229304996728,0.04313649476179123,0.0,0.21121639087972144,0.04644089714114381,0.0,0.10941274479883316
bpd,RandyRyan82,2019/09/05,Life The problem with today is all the good people suffer for having morals and only good intentions.,4.788333333333334,8.024366722222227,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,76.22222222222223,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,1.1475777777777778,83,2,11,1,2,26,16,18,0.23800000000000002,0.5379999999999999,0.223,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6744611632668638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839883245536817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057863155194379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787392092354545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847190933620467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38110782259149023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sieshelled,2019/09/05,"Tattoo regret? Anyone else here have a tattoo they regret? for me it’s not even because it’s a bad tattoo I just sometimes I feel like I wish I could look down to bare arms again and I almost feel.. messy? unorganized? I don’t know if that would be the right way to describe the feeling. Nothing against tattoos, I love tattoos. I used to want to be completely covered and now i’m wishing I didn’t have most of the ones I have because I feel like they don’t match each other right or are in weird spots.. ugh. 

My thoughts about this are so obsessive.. I can never make them stop. I just wish I could cut my arm off most days and make it stop! It eats at me like nothing else.",0.3501470588235307,2.6558961071428584,1.6974789915966395,97.56046218487398,87.92857142857143,4.15126050420168,19.66386554621849,5.5289334501034215,-0.33391596638655496,525,16,117,3,17,167,86,140,0.14800000000000002,0.695,0.157,-0.6329,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,0,8,11,1,1,5,0,14,4,2,3,1,33,30,6,0,10,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,6,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,5,21,4,12,23,3,13,0,2,1,1,4,6,0,5,9,77,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002936430894794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777924268801784,0.1432824051320453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676039557834672,0.17049009365684928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661937437097916,0.0,0.0,0.2233014099221872,0.0,0.0,0.09018510519266068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309103096732545,0.23363642548261995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236287195894614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828288273234156,0.19980316843823148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685229938252254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495599457507346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743021615827072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621088319972734,0.0,0.1866883106487416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785307801935767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683601276831555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475907055772173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388448578063069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138305142266133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233824676214488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110171844519192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077669223636102,0.0,0.0,0.08248113977144313,0.11099832774164946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824266213353726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993381848601247,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ZestyBiscotti,2019/09/05,"Email from my mother with BPD banning me from my grandmother's funeral Backstory: My mom has BPD, and this is an email that she sent me to essentially ban me from attending my grandmother's funeral. Because of my mom's condition, she was unable to properly raise me as a child, so custody was given to my grandmother who I grew up calling ""Nana"". My grandmother and I had a very special bond, and in many ways I looked up to her the same way I would look up to a mother. I honestly felt that she was my mother, more than my real mom, and as a result my mother always resented our relationship and belittled it as much as she could. My mom has a real complex about my grandmother, she felt that I had a more attentive childhood than she did, which to a certain degree must have been true since my grandmother raised me after retirement and during my mom’s upbringing she was a very busy woman. 

My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2013 and passed away 10 months later in 2014. During this time, my mom would do anything she could to keep me away from my grandmother. I would offer to come down for a weekend just to pend time with her, or to help out so that my mom could take a break from being with her, but every time I was told not to come. I was told if I showed up I wouldn’t be let in, or that my mom would have me escorted out of the facility my grandmother was living in, so I was essentially banned from seeing my grandmother during the last 10 months of her life. I did get to see her 3 times, very short visits, where my grandmother mostly just spent time expressing her concerns for my mom’s future mental health after she dies, but that was about it. My mom only let me come during those times so I could clean my childhood bedroom because she didn’t want to get stuck with the task herself. You'll see how she twisted that in her letter.

When my grandmother passed away, I received this email from my mom to ban me from her funeral. She goes ahead and throws everything back at me about being told I couldn’t visit my grandmother, to signing off her email by implying she wishes she had aborted me ""like my grandmother said"" (my grandmother most definitely did not say to get an abortion, and I was a very planned pregnancy). My mom stands by this email to this day. I took out a couple things for anonymity, and I made a few spelling corrections for clarity, you’ll notice that she writes in thoughts, and it’s hard to make sense of bits. I’m sharing this because it haunts me. 

""I'm going to ask you a real big favor I don't want you to come. I think that you will be more of a black cloud and that you will use those days against me. God knows you won't help me that's for sure because you know why? You waited 10 months to clean out your room when you knew Nana was dying and I was selling the house, that's that's real smart to begin with, but you know -- I'm going to say this, I really believe that you coming you will say something to one of my friends, all of our cousins from \[\[place my grandmother grew up\]\] that you do not know this is Nana's legacy these are people that she loved so much, they were her life up until a certain part and then they remained in her life up until her 70s, these are her very special cousins friends and you know if you were to embarrass me I swear to God I will have security remove you, so I think it is best that you just say you have to work. I know that your train ticket is not refundable to you and I am willing to give you $1000 not to show up and I will pay you after the event. I don't want you in Washington, I don't want you there, I don't want you there! Unless you can totally explain to me that you will behave yourself like the best actress that ever fucking lived because if you show your true colors I can't deal with it and it's going to be ugly and I don't want that to be Nana's legacy, a big fight at her celebration of life party so if you love this woman at all like you claim you do for the let's see 3 times, 20 minutes you spent with her over 10 months - that's true love. Since you claim to love this woman so much then you will back off and not embarrass her amongst her very conservative, but fun family and also the neighborhood this and that and and the \[\[Family Friend's last name\]\] and people that really love Nana. These are all people that do not understand where you have been for 10 months nobody understands it and I'm tired when you beat me up the way you do, I'm tired of supporting you, I'm tired of trying to explain that you work hard, you this, you got blah blah blah. No most of most people I speak to think that your grandmother and not showing up when you didn't have a job and you know perfectly well I would've paid your train or your airfare I, I offered to but no you had better things to do I don't know what the fuck they are, but anyway just let me know about this because if you can behave yourself fully the whole weekend and I don't just mean the party because \[\[Mom's friend\]\] will be staying with me and if I catch you, if I catch you for two seconds bitching to my best friend I will have you will leave as well so I just suggest that you skip this I will put everything in your room in boxes and ship it to you and you can fucking figure it out in New York and put it in your own storage I am done with you for quite a while. I don't get support from you, I don't get love from you, you don't have any idea what I'm doing for our future, you have no idea of anything you must think that I sit at home and eat bonbons. No, I'm very very busy and overworked and that affects my health etc. etc. so get back to me are you coming to behave yourself for the whole time you're there in which case I think you should be there if you cannot control yourself then you need to stay away and you need to honestly think about this you had no problem staying away when this woman you love so much was dying. You were the most selfish person I know and one final last thing you proved my point of the last year I asked you not to come to Nana's party because you have such a temper and anything that happened at a time, but if you really cared about your grandmother and you really care about her sendoff and you really cared that this was a party and a celebration of her life then you would've said to me 'Mom I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot I will behave just for the sake of the grandmother that I love after that we can take a break' I don't care but you couldn't even bring yourself to stick up for your grandmother so I don't know I don't understand you maybe will never understand each other at all, but you know what can I say I should've taken Nana's advice to me when I was a month pregnant but I didn't.""

​

TL;DR - Email from my mother banning me from my grandmother's funeral after she died of cancer. My mom has always had a complex about her relationship with her mother and my relationship with her as well.",4.897862938278763,5.018389301120448,5.3878498985801215,85.66911764705884,68.80392156862743,8.666357577513764,27.128078817734,8.433251757073789,1.5754996522747031,5494,153,1179,75,87,1764,408,1428,0.08,0.772,0.14800000000000002,0.9989,2,0,1,0,1,0,124.0,5,85,3,12,51,57,7,2,48,0,128,27,2,7,18,212,242,99,8,33,39,23,4,6,5,25,13,8,6,6,77,70,1,10,36,8,6,27,37,12,3,4,54,20,257,45,178,145,30,150,0,0,8,11,218,56,4,17,60,847,334,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03013574574114272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024662126903578892,0.05132143177825111,0.033414300698454774,0.03747304880679685,0.02097173886667629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613419380176611,0.0,0.05766104771442306,0.0,0.1448723929078215,0.07114040960628651,0.0,0.15039450240680566,0.0,0.0,0.03474525978420983,0.0970916306580078,0.02727479924202113,0.03366845980732831,0.0,0.0776818795278792,0.0,0.0314903092869573,0.0,0.1257706309001625,0.0,0.0,0.18595690551298494,0.0,0.0,0.034588826912814945,0.0984904861967512,0.03412302946851374,0.0,0.03977751354649083,0.03179389947986868,0.0,0.03130117666905493,0.12802503759793118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031559246882551184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031556238752091244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878780308239332,0.02036902536561419,0.0278958556911262,0.025983387486077283,0.0,0.05543263586705981,0.0,0.05814497655422901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922100803644355,0.033782877020193176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913159107706542,0.08553113376012003,0.09667337178860247,0.029583806491935413,0.05257994769455559,0.0,0.049329910526855585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027271035670456127,0.0,0.05525179830229286,0.0,0.0,0.06556133422230156,0.0,0.0,0.04134178135884019,0.0,0.03093426946036105,0.0,0.0,0.0355843392552915,0.0,0.06962749022782609,0.0,0.0,0.030603184418931336,0.0274113310636802,0.0,0.0,0.20338125945986302,0.10055237773560173,0.0,0.03265429943547813,0.0,0.12614083812672686,0.10891332654495044,0.045199480741460366,0.0,0.054463223022335285,0.0,0.051794384494249016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226689254491345,0.029180831967228326,0.02058543034888576,0.031266146182939936,0.030982158913776137,0.03359297022014355,0.0,0.0,0.03107869770298695,0.0,0.0,0.5417781295102558,0.14769350979657925,0.0,0.09068155120873753,0.045733807347538284,0.023785120961941655,0.02978472752762543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035110676033936424,0.0,0.0,0.041794930600905965,0.023454629613725804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333958887025833,0.0,0.08552017640599514,0.02692763246006136,0.03222043915096323,0.0,0.029153047343343768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029508985138223462,0.0,0.06200390262336147,0.0,0.0328013249142846,0.0,0.14040721432990896,0.09878202539750004,0.0,0.0,0.09932939869954556,0.0,0.0,0.0586703535176829,0.12262299637059212,0.0,0.0,0.09829951734139128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102107150864224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02374155151990465,0.0,0.034522001279159206,0.0,0.09861157091888284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999200198690017,0.029065616160382286,0.0,0.0463745368744728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146465674780225,0.1185632280559735,0.0,0.024482909616813663,0.1618434652968158,0.10633549982327103,0.0,0.08840463839629226,0.03426352733059768,0.020937817766197853,0.0,0.030125453697170387,0.12841893441223245,0.0,0.02663519935619687,0.0,0.20356480395715099,0.1091386869565547,0.07343625329175653,0.0,0.0,0.0831845338499647,0.0,0.02782761490042076,0.06886181416046888,0.03546360089869411,0.0,0.0,0.04490266405342524,0.0,0.0,0.13144385601755634,0.033717864731088176,0.03747304880679685,0.01985945769830829
bpd,perciel,2019/09/05,"nothing without medications you really told me i was nothing without my medications, that im subhuman and we would never work out that way

i want to leave but i cant and it hurts and i need help but im alone and i do overreact but i cant stop it and everything feels so dark and cold i just want to go home",-1.3020081411126192,0.6670126119403008,1.9317232021709645,92.06168249660787,101.98507462686571,6.018453188602443,19.523744911804613,7.348242739294969,0.885340298507463,243,9,56,6,11,86,42,67,0.09300000000000001,0.728,0.179,0.6920000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,21,11,10,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,2,11,0,5,8,0,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,37,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938981323613225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825664313819938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466145763591384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639851845502453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548617333431505,0.0,0.18779176764443986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041737809662785,0.0,0.4044483468272266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823350346246385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771985478782479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388174453886755,0.14439164030698626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592754118914284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993463226707128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652000463445345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889182021555405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084834822889185,0.14860244054483654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609368856370282,0.0,0.13629464670795485,0.0,0.0,0.13299206402340796,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,R3dd1n,2019/09/05,"DAE get promiscuous while in long term relationships? I need validation constantly and I also have a sex addiction. This is my second time around 2 years in where I really wanna cheat/sleep with someone. I hate this about myself and i haven't done anything yet, I just want to. I love my partner and I don't wanna fuck it up, but I also really wanna hook up with this guy and I know it's a bad call... but I wanna",-0.26276923076923003,2.017516388235297,2.647058823529413,87.73022624434391,96.88235294117644,5.9095022624434375,15.950226244343893,7.321109707123232,0.4549366515837106,323,8,67,7,13,113,56,85,0.11,0.8140000000000001,0.076,-0.5537,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,0,17,12,9,0,6,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,14,1,13,11,1,13,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,0,7,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418395754136079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35481254116510325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825563469442761,0.19748563771615246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852280762693743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22652459586847215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397314497687429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270204963958295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508854891016848,0.11590283366278788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196575953619581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190221868165108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219180827624962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632241808819365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002202800320044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449238609445038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28423421540042865,0.0,0.0,0.2381743506468959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220013398478991,0.0,0.18796526856254728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935734622438916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084764549395778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142858413624396
bpd,squigglyfern,2019/09/05,"He’s snapchatting another girl again I’m trying not to lose my shit. but I already did.
Now I’m numb. Waves of feeling keep coming back and now I wonder why I’ve wasted my time 
2.years we’ve been together. He went on a spiritual camp for a week and barely talked to me the whole time and hadn’t really said much about it since. and now he’s talking to 4+ girls he met there.  He didn’t want me to come on the trip because ...?? Something about him wanting to enter a community alone.
He’s been talking to her (one girl he never mentioned) back and forth on Snapchat. She’s one of his “”best friends” on there. I had a weird feeling this morning so I looked. Guess I haven’t felt crazy in awhile. 
I feel broken because in my last relationship , my boyfriend”” talked “” to a lot of girls on snapchat who he ended up cheating on me with. 
I tried bringing it up with him but I was crying and he accused me of overreacting and I feel crazy again because I looked at his phone",1.4798484848484854,3.6312258232323233,2.693222222222225,93.38650000000004,81.17171717171719,5.374141414141414,23.53636363636364,6.508806274219699,0.5080072727272729,755,27,165,7,20,242,111,198,0.177,0.7440000000000001,0.079,-0.9694,0,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,12,7,2,0,7,0,8,2,1,0,1,26,28,10,0,2,3,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,4,11,0,1,6,0,0,6,5,5,0,2,11,8,24,2,27,17,4,30,0,1,2,0,30,11,1,3,13,97,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829098078851434,0.14734746505173651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001194648961607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534400055739488,0.0,0.24418565395242395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012559085824075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003884724371185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466702530752319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182629616640762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700557382357169,0.0,0.12820433676035164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316059876482854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470921496842542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868259711401526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884018462955007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242536874046297,0.1493796183158037,0.0,0.11351764639481235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815577710161373,0.0,0.10298222738167337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095914052448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553913193870209,0.0,0.0,0.14335520567569782,0.0,0.0,0.12701225476609793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706084929924287,0.11045274051300616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279358515471446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292873303466536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557182704459402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813085679509286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751226847912125,0.0,0.10710519733844373,0.0,0.0,0.12377843078239993,0.12048497755173206,0.14907519316666604,0.0,0.0,0.14480148591709951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598531794882887
bpd,allykat0714,2019/09/05,"how do I stop pushing the people I love away? I have a couple of good friends and every time we hang out I always feel like they’re either leaving me out, always talking about me, or really just don’t want me to be there. It’s come to the point where no matter where we are i’m constantly having these thoughts. Even worst my best friend, who I love dearly, every time we’re together and around other people I’m constantly thinking of all the mean things she’s done to me (but they’re not really that mean just a time she didn’t tell me something very important when she should have). But it’s like i’m constantly having these thoughts and it makes me isolate myself and push everyone away.",5.961960431654678,5.846530618705039,6.042365107913668,82.68858363309354,66.55395683453237,9.252158273381296,28.16636690647482,8.841846274778883,1.9321143884892087,552,15,111,8,8,175,83,139,0.069,0.7020000000000001,0.23,0.9721,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,12,10,0,0,5,0,11,2,0,2,1,30,25,9,0,2,7,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,4,1,18,9,11,19,4,20,0,0,0,2,12,8,0,1,10,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457708433037524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013339590712267,0.0,0.0,0.2535784250118346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162085617739495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624678369304273,0.0,0.4374964199855025,0.0,0.0,0.1493187193153447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809988153037744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913267164926654,0.0,0.22740103697272346,0.12894974051713806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823436859447768,0.09640773304885863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852282914728612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318898352637295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289171412358045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185872186917158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359383748494665,0.0,0.09007963665966767,0.0,0.0,0.2939984737227862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711356253331146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757061026672398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290382188768785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389048460021877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282357102205368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084670524802748,0.1179515459962376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965424984913999,0.08646999620176754,0.0,0.21426917633261253,0.2360698853929606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134722025710037,0.07959653259561965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ImTexasStrong,2019/09/05,"DAE Pecker Check at stalls? I'm not sure if this is a bpd thing or not, I've yet to talk to my therapist about it. But anytime I'm at the urinal and another guy stands next to me, it doesn't matter if he's a typical Chad or an old gross man, but I feel the strongest urge to see what he's working with. My theory is that my identity issues are rooted so deeply that they are impacting my ability to feel any type of agency with what I'm working with. Seeing their penis gives me power back. There's also the rush of seeing something that's not meant for my eyes. This rush is also probably another impulsive BPD thing, or maybe even self harm? Do I want to get caught and assaulted or am I just really curious? Thoughts?",4.802677106636839,4.826510416107381,6.072035794183446,81.01634601044,69.0,10.112155108128263,27.96495152870992,9.994966539143718,2.449531841909023,568,17,119,13,9,192,96,149,0.098,0.826,0.076,-0.5004,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,3,9,4,1,0,6,0,8,2,2,1,1,25,22,13,0,3,12,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,11,5,0,0,4,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,3,6,12,1,15,19,0,10,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,6,4,73,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559999790465793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088463442636078,0.335673903157864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307632292338605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40318013951485454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571817441341133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618623731698577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362478646239888,0.1535442152184061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848464551290184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706114040081751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080186562484794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022571275115095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795613076120672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257183975615226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253858692239932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826414862463648,0.0,0.16697757304058922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322207073605798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085473278774664,0.0,0.0,0.12865023071831924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584209150652528,0.2126736122025112,0.0,0.0,0.12706982600097752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440758321211773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23305129159692065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,FutureSpread,2019/09/05,"Question: was your diagnosis difficult? How long did it take? I have to admit before I start: I am terrible with self-diagnosing. Whether it be physical or mental health, I scare the shit out of myself constantly. 

I feel like every new specialist I see gives me a different diagnosis - depression and anxiety, depression with hypomania, bipolar II, etc. If there's anything I identify with the most, it's BPD. I've done some homework and when I found out that this disorder exists, I couldn't stop crying, most of what I read doesn't have much of a prognosis and it was really terrifying to think about. I don't want to get into my specific experience, but I really just want to know how hard it was (and how long it took) to nail your diagnosis and get the help you need. Should I bring up my specific concern with it with a specialist, or should I let them figure it out? Thank you all.",4.502579185520361,6.147790470588234,6.099411764705881,74.62427601809956,70.76470588235293,10.877828054298645,29.547511312217196,10.891193690592663,3.640402714932127,700,28,132,24,13,239,106,170,0.128,0.777,0.095,-0.3447,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,1,0,7,8,1,1,6,0,15,3,1,3,1,41,32,14,0,7,6,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,11,14,0,1,7,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,7,3,23,2,19,20,6,14,0,2,1,0,9,5,1,7,8,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565286341894855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440887954676097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286436871201206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040686800296291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337268770476482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606495995478146,0.0,0.0,0.2604235247064209,0.15344528352260586,0.0,0.1579517113051615,0.17326624238283428,0.0,0.0,0.15471040072562206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860650413359862,0.0,0.0,0.12737630606776915,0.0,0.0,0.147883787247094,0.0,0.0,0.07644153196604546,0.10800356124676938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576189410806982,0.0,0.0,0.15797140897745335,0.14502635548908252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354282611364389,0.0,0.0,0.16069807253934654,0.0,0.0,0.10133327301092077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308498897384951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459256432099433,0.0,0.0738592802306661,0.0,0.0,0.2675804207642065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235464247779593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113524966339987,0.11209861388292544,0.0,0.1460113147963021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935704441966615,0.0,0.15122166619370578,0.0,0.19370052511849284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135830898487193,0.0,0.12047148792570064,0.0,0.15771449827688344,0.0,0.1551848720038156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700651618257202,0.0,0.0,0.12639388021689274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366911273287712,0.0,0.0,0.1391869270003927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687052309437204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679673809491602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834065196543392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,nero9809,2019/09/05,"I make my partners feelings mine. I really need some help! I just feel like the worst most disgusting person ever. I always make things about me and I don't know how to stop.
F.x. If my boyfriend is having a bad day like today I want to help and I try but I always end up feeling bad and think I'm the reason he feels bad and make everything alot worse than it was before. I talked to him earlier because I feel like he shuts me out when he feels bad and just asked if there was something I had done, he said no. Then I asked him not to shut me out even though he feels bad because and that I'm there for him he got irritated and I started crying and made everything about me like always.

I'm sorry for this badly written sandwich",2.202601214574898,3.8728791184210536,3.4094736842105284,91.4436234817814,76.89473684210526,6.2558704453441285,21.56072874493927,7.010146845296331,0.4345591093117407,574,15,125,6,13,186,88,152,0.27399999999999997,0.631,0.095,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,6,1,38,31,15,0,4,6,0,7,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,10,1,1,10,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,8,8,23,4,12,23,4,13,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,5,12,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740867677623753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529604165013124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500696391577432,0.13386591665388398,0.0,0.09343156970371094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060995940571405,0.07081180798364503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236334959668756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972500606389998,0.0,0.0,0.07252175334278091,0.0993202340025985,0.0,0.0,0.19736201773687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886266584408926,0.15688204352311766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087816955878738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719302551993171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603431160317554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145706064128529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389525567762273,0.21987672096531966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141518399509402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587297793198787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034058382264481,0.11289251420439178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444478392977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845292748374725,0.0,0.1229119222313296,0.07771688606941007,0.0,0.0,0.09179757587778344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825294563980111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294612933039897,0.0703552986807323,0.10787777723811816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407740196861212,0.0,0.0,0.07454687832730826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476278559846857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118954090442866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,g1litchtheklun,2019/09/05,"Why me? I hate feeling like this. Like if I miss out on what's going on in other people's lives, I'm somehow going to lack in mine. If friends are hanging out and I hear about it, I have a panic attack because ""why the fuck wasn't I invited?""what are they saying behind my back?""they must hate me if I wasn't invited.""I'm going to lose everyone around me because I'm so stupid.""WHY AM I LIKE THIS!?!"" 

Now I'm sitting here with sadness and anxiety deep in my heart and it doesn't make any sense why. I keep thinking about what could have happened if I was invited. Maybe I would have gotten drunk and emotional and cried. It possibly could've been worse than being alone and yet, I'd still rather it be that because I was involved. 

I think my biggest fear might be missing out. Not on life, but on the party. Is it my bpd which I'm still coming to understand, or is it just me? I have so many questions that I myself can't answer. I don't think anyone can either  and I fucking hate it.",1.0304812834224606,3.259611745098041,2.660677361853832,92.50259358288773,83.50980392156862,5.277718360071302,21.52762923351159,6.574015621080383,0.41089019607843147,772,25,163,8,22,253,117,204,0.184,0.746,0.07,-0.9565,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,13,16,6,2,3,0,25,5,1,1,1,38,50,15,0,9,10,0,1,3,1,3,1,2,0,0,15,13,1,1,7,1,0,5,6,12,0,0,6,3,27,4,19,37,2,23,0,4,0,2,6,13,2,8,7,115,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033935500779365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790142060379878,0.0,0.08888618133916651,0.0,0.0,0.08124380009550537,0.0,0.0,0.10343507120377,0.0,0.1321846079794219,0.0,0.08934409330564698,0.0,0.2124877843171068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633912985124753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000886910563578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553892022509835,0.0,0.12763090950157752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306998013002851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102595986223207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074774340948933,0.05874991479946691,0.0830072325618118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976926656238106,0.21483434344821808,0.0,0.0,0.19810292541863375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274776188247657,0.0,0.0,0.3441451603857813,0.0,0.0,0.13095626779502811,0.13768748983584553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327634604885688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206949436681821,0.17029589710325366,0.0,0.10259922538463546,0.0,0.0,0.12998857059901062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755873012285362,0.11779994650029682,0.1167299814039104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326082250170098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363256932597334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055255791981086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309884609110254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301610744112831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240014632851426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558136788415755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233524694757069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209594517571245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193790340926744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840906750770985,0.08253910963881217,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,TheSuboxoneSusies,2019/09/05,"ABANDONMENT IS SO PAINFUL How do people deal with this?! I always forget how painful it is to get abandoned by someone I care about but it's never been this bad. Once again I just had to go and get attached to a 42 year old woman I’ve known for a year. But the problem was that this one actually acted like she cared, and I believe she did. Just not enough or not anymore. Of course I hate the anxiety of feeling like abandonment is approaching but I hate the pain of knowing it's happening for sure. Once again I was too much for someone, too crazy, too clingy, too high maintenance. And now she’s bored and she’s drifting and she’s not going to come back.

I truly truly don't understand how people deal with pain like this. People who suffer from this stupid disorder are so brave and strong. I know I'll be okay someday but I wish there were something besides time that would make me feel better. All I want to do is cry. I've never felt this devastated before. What a great woman compared to my usual ones. She deserves to be happy but I can't give her that I guess.

I just want to go to sleep and wake up when I no longer replay every nice moment in my head and when I no longer have physical pain because of how sad I am. This disorder fucking sucks. No one I know gets it. Falling in love with someone you've known for a year and then being a complete and total mess when it all inevitably ends. I just want someone to stay for once.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading.",1.5845989304812846,3.9513589215686302,2.8727688651218064,90.9820053475936,82.33333333333333,5.539156268568034,21.691027926322047,6.850034144686104,0.5638967320261443,1194,38,244,14,33,385,166,306,0.261,0.54,0.19899999999999998,-0.9795,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,23,34,5,0,8,1,23,10,3,5,6,60,53,27,0,8,14,0,3,3,0,2,5,0,0,2,18,14,0,3,9,1,0,8,10,19,0,3,7,3,30,15,29,41,5,31,0,5,0,2,14,4,2,3,21,164,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.08335033448310243,0.0,0.0,0.08346416193286052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107008947713167,0.0,0.0,0.058083467514534526,0.0,0.06534037213285881,0.0,0.0847063052619667,0.059722445623713524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567698394183906,0.07131591720525375,0.05206670182694486,0.0,0.07267979486614735,0.0962307026990012,0.0,0.07554046547168645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416758811974145,0.0,0.0,0.0735753546994989,0.08955344071535483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382168293029856,0.0,0.17611319112252544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578037967543527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565017349464656,0.08825400334315868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196376287915886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637431011066345,0.06101874761175781,0.08200944896201418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896253240007056,0.13387360689308744,0.08193550731556175,0.14562577301043142,0.0,0.0,0.09416764535481556,0.094091560762041,0.0,0.07553004185883659,0.09092325490536424,0.0,0.16865443355794854,0.08765792475349128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090243055686061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082152238306822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518478262630206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708816719993128,0.0,0.057013544873101674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278805690940616,0.0,0.13175085857257413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896261103754603,0.272884756138222,0.17363327685388186,0.0,0.45442491209978797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764293722948654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172828159644759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543567060553046,0.0,0.05471747097054086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547424068165352,0.0,0.2894791286559679,0.06575475906970317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103842099816467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050032392516883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863640672077529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980474871322296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891748381718936,0.0,0.0,0.09406986427012044,0.0,0.15113561681079282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822022502963637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134925942506225,0.0,0.0,0.16500865856796393
bpd,NM1795,2019/09/05,"DAE feel like their BPD has made them dumber? In high school I could fly through classes and tasks, I wasn't top of my class or anything but learning was easy for me. Now learning feels like trying to walk uphill in a vat of toffee, I somehow made it to uni and I feel like I cheated my way in",2.166612903225804,3.5306392096774215,2.9492258064516115,96.00383870967742,76.25806451612901,4.960000000000001,23.690322580645162,3.1291,-0.07994580645161298,229,7,52,0,5,72,46,62,0.111,0.71,0.179,0.6812,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,13,9,4,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,10,3,9,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,4,31,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001251416664547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908127445215106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843563053199284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35025267638132473,0.4948688940744718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396043791551394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33842088078349863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369697480743941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336849573139778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676717107994206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327910787730126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,RaggyYumi,2019/09/05,"How to deal with my overthinking about people’s opinions?? Hi everyone!
So some context, an eventful thing happened today that I witness. An argument between 2 people. Person A argued with Person B, When I got home I messaged a Person C telling them what happened, they contacted Person B to make sure they were alright and that was that. Now my brain is trying to convince me that Person B and C have actually been talking about me, I felt Person B after the argument was upset which I relayed to Person C who after reaching out told me Person B is okay and is laughing about the whole argument. Now I’m feeling I took it out of context when I know I didn’t I can read the texts but I still feel like this, and that they are probably bitching about me etc!

How do other people with BPD manage these feelings? Because right now all I wanna do is bombard Person C with texts to make sure they aren’t mad at me when I know they aren’t! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS EVERYTIME SOMETHING HAPPENS!",2.9445589919816726,5.1552395154639195,4.184467353951892,84.25844215349373,76.5257731958763,6.166781214203898,27.27262313860252,7.1686216300943375,1.5706011454753726,782,32,142,9,18,256,106,194,0.084,0.792,0.124,0.7474,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,6,0,14,12,3,1,7,2,17,1,1,4,3,28,33,11,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,9,14,10,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,9,5,26,8,21,24,4,16,0,0,0,0,24,4,1,2,13,104,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.09379993902162012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585942874340163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106065859133973,0.10730249182480148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909622253252497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719999045874366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184744938226706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944060589956536,0.13733729662041955,0.09229094711543226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768765057298819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549976565035465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641690074116356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565084746913543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939194389528808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832262919322798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991397494781968,0.7553600004942125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363437346064618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961467130608171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208655382996949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399841199641344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676211632929253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118524711936929,0.0,0.0,0.07725817882511901,0.08401372974464998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385832295513308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111118586073008,0.09184744938226706,0.10679363603234814,0.06525964674507323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673398242538863,0.10731533048281794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,witchydolly,2019/09/05,"What does “borderline traits” mean in a diagnosis? Do I have BPD? Hello everyone,

I started an intensive outpatient program and my official diagnosis is;

“Major depressive disorder with generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD by history, and borderline traits”

I was wondering what this meant. Does that mean I have BPD? Or just some things similar to BPD?",6.622105263157895,10.174534631578954,7.988684210526317,54.70828947368422,71.10526315789474,15.028070175438595,41.078947368421055,12.45797560212912,8.118136842105264,282,18,37,16,6,96,43,57,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,8,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303843386553346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6570896067984058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497859060487725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986251415994168,0.0,0.3043745008123809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617565965768868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788715674285869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328806046031508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309232046219985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553613097667312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859480090745584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,xcitrus9,2019/09/05,"God, I am toxic and nobody will like me anyway I developed an eating disorder after my ex bf and fp dumped and abandoned me. He fucking hatea me now because of my episodes and I want him to notice me in some fucking way so I started to starve myself so I will get some sympathy from him and he will be my fp again? I fucking miss him sfm",1.15466800804829,3.145248169014085,3.3234607645875265,89.30056338028173,81.39436619718309,5.74728370221328,24.227364185110666,6.868970318607317,0.9321533199195172,264,10,55,3,7,90,46,71,0.17300000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.7233,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,9,12,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,17,1,6,8,2,6,0,2,0,3,7,1,3,2,5,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462828353818973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30951631969649995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763425171819579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7490084286148313,0.14109710134977815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193944924319004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074692352090041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911524288683652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592905273684291,0.2143639407987745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,LegBeakXMFMR02,2019/09/05,"If someone asked me the same question every day of the month, I’d give a different answer each day. I feel like each day I wake up I’m a different person. Sometimes I feel like X is ok, then X is despicable, then I don’t really care about X. 

I never keep a constant frame of mind. Is this a BPD thing or a me thing?",0.08596273291925627,1.9048892318840602,2.9615320910973075,91.38652173913046,84.21739130434783,6.2616977225672885,20.002070393374744,7.447530270364453,0.5093461697722574,243,7,57,4,7,86,45,69,0.0,0.8240000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.8655,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,7,1,4,1,1,0,1,12,11,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,4,11,3,9,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,10,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873746714085276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079795529072476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949316297471568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066091920016526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36990649505744255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995071135392226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108638504114806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334349427382927,0.27317330498744324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340751166860966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993905173374274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681220740958027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304807386341466,0.0,0.15260656833087766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745803085062073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694031804098775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141773058821673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248163859968254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199523383162315,0.0,0.1890924608699488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540371707013134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Gloating_Toe,2019/09/05,"28m with bpd seeking advice about 29f with bpd Hi, this is my first post so bare with me.
I’m a 28 year old male with bpd.
Last year I became friends with a girl (29) who also has bpd. She is my FP and 90% of the time of things are great with us. When I meet her she was in a really toxic relationship with a guy who had become her FP. They’ve been separated for a few months now and I genuinely believe that she wouldn’t go back again. Since they broke up we’ve been hanging out a lot more and I started to notice that I like her so I was honest and told her. Just before she was due to go on holiday I sent her a message offering her a massage when she got back and she accepted. (Before this point I wasn’t sure if she was attracted to me to because of my dumb bpd brain) She goes on vacation and thinks continue as normal, messaging every day, being flirty. Half way through the vacation she offers to send nudes. 
At which point I start to freak out in my head, because the massage was the set plan and I’d never sent or received nudes before. So we take and exchange pictures (she deletes hers after seconds of me seeing it) and there’s a about 5 mins of sexual talk and she disappears for an hour. At which point I start to freak out (in my mind) thinking I did something wrong. She comes back after a hour and explains that she doesn’t really do things like that and she got scared. I reassure her that she didn’t do anything wrong and that she doesn’t have to do things that make her uncomfortable. It’s been about two weeks since then. We’re still hanging out  and talking a lot since she got back of holiday. She’s still flirty sometimes, but she’s said she’s fucked up and doesn’t know what she wants.
We’re going to see It Chapter 2 this weekend and will probably hang out at her place after. Do I make a move? Do I offer her a massage again? Do I give her time? Part of me thinks that if I don’t make a move then nothing will ever happen because we’ll just wait for the other one to do something. Part of me feels that if I don’t do something I will miss any chance I have.
So my fellow bpd men and women, Help!",2.4970304975922986,3.8059327640449454,3.7141894060995178,91.07921348314608,75.29213483146069,6.793579454253613,23.051364365971107,7.33818517376401,0.6915027287319426,1660,46,371,19,35,541,203,445,0.061,0.867,0.073,0.2195,0,0,3,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,1,2,23,18,2,1,20,0,37,5,4,3,3,58,70,32,0,6,7,0,1,2,2,5,0,1,0,5,24,31,0,1,7,3,1,14,9,9,0,5,19,4,67,9,51,45,6,73,0,2,2,3,66,19,2,6,39,254,91,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026604349172835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057503474328811775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889877715191955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059172791218713015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211661485932155,0.0,0.13150031284035107,0.07941490342560494,0.18356099823332564,0.08101382179487797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433811101584691,0.0802712565873729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194094511358076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046373640806151736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504340148302983,0.06058419296611394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03635800618046117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116349629384318,0.0,0.0,0.05555466011535616,0.06647625288927657,0.0,0.0689791137564325,0.12259809076018408,0.0,0.1725302072311519,0.07927699399099866,0.0,0.07119858195850706,0.06358653921972214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379665008891048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819730415729937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162652145851454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03951784409496894,0.05861326452526156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025961144535378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226439819209528,0.0,0.0,0.14399412146114393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260490547162117,0.0,0.05739495477096125,0.15285011997785547,0.0,0.0,0.0554586024956434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045294629554295,0.06899607280651286,0.08186584498077902,0.075453608157025,0.0,0.048725597112528385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573511856499075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512682108985437,0.0,0.2039242011934496,0.0,0.0688663972230685,0.0,0.07752719663690391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213008567835836,0.0,0.0,0.07720049924521785,0.0,0.0,0.0683993959757948,0.0,0.07199079076516336,0.0,0.11460008688778173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784450031740726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607104127984382,0.07111720915989263,0.0,0.15268703321292848,0.0,0.11484899243754924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777087472074822,0.0,0.054064619022879117,0.11559118507834787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433141320391782,0.13822403816818307,0.0,0.0,0.08385833052497497,0.0,0.0,0.06870958959925669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024204603649396,0.0,0.08649447374153275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241222251581049,0.05707590593566951,0.05767892883493075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723659006110374,0.0,0.09261065117405363
bpd,zeenaranis,2019/09/05,A Question Hello. I have Avpd and i'm interested if it's true that people with BPD are drawn to people with Avoidant personality disorder? How do you view us? Just interested.,1.9945454545454562,4.839274515151518,4.505212121212125,74.51781818181819,91.72727272727272,7.488484848484847,24.78181818181818,8.238735603445708,2.4548836363636366,141,6,25,4,5,49,29,33,0.07400000000000001,0.6890000000000001,0.23600000000000002,0.7059,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375221451286772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981359435235463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816692291733922,0.3033251921494617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891532807839261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178641508034944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,luckpai,2019/09/05,"DAE feel like they're reading someone else's diary when looking back through your past entries? I have a diary I inconsistently keep. I was reading back through old entries and it was surprising, it was like a completely different person had written them. I couldn't relate to most of the feelings I'd expressed at all. Not just the feelings, the thought process I must have had at the time to have interpreted the scenarios in the way I did really baffled me too. I really don't seem to know who I am.",6.221683848797247,6.797714278350514,6.651082474226808,76.1722250859107,66.01030927835052,9.765635738831616,37.81615120274914,9.725611199111238,3.7372419243986266,403,21,74,8,6,131,65,97,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.7269,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,8,0,13,0,0,0,2,15,22,2,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,4,11,3,9,12,2,10,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,8,53,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250615829178795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161784423942735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208370814285232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657284780200386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206256775532954,0.1510030568997317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787572453037726,0.0,0.0,0.11616364472340082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065298026564492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749790206932614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217976798022549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017769650698298,0.0,0.18456048145086007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228552022010928,0.0,0.2708185830015915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242367479739084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909345507158064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678044883039348,0.1232517807751674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777598604427535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,_mymindismine_,2019/09/05,"Splitting on/devaluating a partner for no reason? Hey, I'm not sure what to do and I thought maybe someone can give me some advice... 

I've been seeing this girl for a few months and it has been amazing, she's very sweet and considerate and basically I thought she was perfect for me.

So about a month ago I visited her, we hung out, and it suddenly felt wrong. She annoyed me instead of being endearing, although rationally I know she didn't change compared to the other times we spent together. I told her I was splitting (after I did some googling to figure out what might be going on with me) and she was super understanding and supportive. Every time she sent a heart emoji tho I got super angry and when she texted 'ilu' I had a full blown panic attack. So now I've barely had contact with her for about a month and I a huge part of me just wants to cut contact with her and be done with it, but I know that's not fair to her and rationally speaking I think we'd be a good couple but I just can't, emotionally. 

Sorry for the rant, I don't post on reddit very often and I'm at a loss. Does anyone have experience with this? Is it permanent or could the metaphorical switch turn again and it could be like it used to?",3.0320040485829978,4.632521947368424,4.513949392712551,84.69651113360325,74.46558704453443,7.3691497975708495,24.900607287449393,8.07648339933343,1.3715394331983808,959,31,198,15,20,320,139,247,0.09699999999999999,0.794,0.109,0.5828,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,3,0,0,4,12,15,3,1,12,0,26,1,1,2,2,49,46,21,0,3,7,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,12,22,0,0,10,0,1,3,6,6,0,0,17,4,34,9,26,20,5,22,0,1,1,0,25,7,0,5,12,144,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934278239104564,0.1264024069317964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970616791312646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622230952175287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508472507333272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277019872610226,0.15777933324088536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478638160883307,0.1459248199315961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040087144298204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014295379827546,0.0,0.0,0.13948587117362918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691415017041506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367907051550617,0.08104037281471528,0.11960243452991776,0.114046737833486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897648762085898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567336390851933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966501358271181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325645911038942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127141087710622,0.0,0.0,0.3414553728474306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673052275625931,0.0,0.15441715271331427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656717989876546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466120391215773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363024140585705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082079990063704,0.0,0.0,0.1596241139431274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181581145773974,0.1343946774201923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913695108598131,0.0,0.22640997679893116,0.1662972969780705,0.0,0.0,0.13625621873578722,0.0,0.0,0.15510307925685965,0.0,0.1484470617253019,0.0,0.12315682577470295,0.0,0.23531262859667315,0.08410658689551642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590591745338295,0.0,0.0
bpd,jennylucid,2019/09/05,"Is this attention seeking? (Probably yes) I’m an art major at a university, I love art and everyone who knows me even a little bit knows this as well. Sometimes I post my undergrad art piece (by sometimes I mean twice in the total of two years) on my Instagram stories, I don’t feel like I do it for the validation or anything because I get feedback and praise in the critiques we have in class BUT none of my friends say anything about them. And these are pieces that I’m proud enough to post! It’s not messing up my art or anything but I feel like I hype up my friends and their accomplishments and I don’t get that same treatment. Is it toxic to want encouragement from people outside of my studio classes? Am I being greedy and attention seeking? Please help! And thank you!",2.7555482456140368,5.146951703947373,3.7330526315789454,86.34703508771929,78.01315789473685,6.684912280701754,27.896491228070172,7.793537801064563,1.814622280701755,617,27,120,10,15,198,96,152,0.051,0.762,0.188,0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,2,3,3,11,0,0,6,1,9,1,0,0,1,23,21,12,0,1,5,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,3,21,10,17,20,8,11,1,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,3,84,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076730440608346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066400776147497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802832973345939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062731776337392,0.0,0.1090692914799035,0.0,0.0,0.15779238493001446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699318217372205,0.23594318317304064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25516386765533045,0.0,0.1725511485649529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068567887734616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815063924382717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135202842687985,0.16550741034277958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903966621745776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987907594252608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448295733855544,0.0,0.0,0.18126728042975265,0.0,0.0,0.31630499098435194,0.0,0.17804212375047582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132099443364784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326643023436936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520329803640091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131168925774167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974001704854397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484750825701919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634072772014967
bpd,nicotine_frens,2019/09/05,"DAE have trouble being honest with people? I was diagnosed with BPD around February of last year, and am new to this sub, so sorry if this breaks any rules!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt the compulsive need to lie about literally everything just to impress people around me/fit in. Now I’m at a point where I can’t keep up with it anymore and kinda hate myself. I can’t help but feel like a compulsive liar and idk what to think. Does anyone else kinda feel this?",4.919374999999999,5.256910520833337,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,68.79166666666666,9.316666666666668,26.416666666666664,9.2995712137729,1.939366666666667,374,10,77,7,6,123,73,96,0.125,0.7809999999999999,0.095,-0.4453,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,20,15,8,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,5,3,17,12,0,13,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,6,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135849134271908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811624081035825,0.1396824756123998,0.20468598968802895,0.0,0.35567186157966885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25160088416048304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276038049185732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481837955122828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668805843013729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953865535002872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020174716485498,0.1427143452711233,0.19180866983910705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722960568971767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390032277631148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756303461124406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628376353434954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759658569250404,0.0,0.0,0.17678845084322484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812548865448358,0.0,0.19293724163149706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769880457074504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188845391798876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22629827474343486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236239930757225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280033095195559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286440839539376
bpd,yllowsubmarine_,2019/09/05,"DAE get really protective of their favorite music or movies? Music especially. I get very, very attached to my favorite bands. Sometimes it almost feels like I have a friendship with my favorite musicians. Like I feel like they always will have my back and that they're my safe haven, even though most of them are dead or really old. And when I find out someone who I dislike listens to the same band or musician that I do, I almost feel as if the artist them self has betrayed me. For example, I've always loved Grateful Dead. But once I found out this group of people that I dislike also listens to Grateful Dead I feel as though Jerry Garcia himself has betrayed me. He is no longer on my side, supporting me with his music, he is now on theirs. Grateful Dead now belongs to them, and it is not my place to listen to them anymore because the emotional support their music provided me with has now been ripped away from me at the hands of those other people.",6.439179841897232,6.780643728260866,6.389071146245063,79.04920948616603,65.52173913043478,8.864822134387351,32.48814229249012,8.575989854853784,2.565115217391304,762,29,138,10,11,241,105,184,0.147,0.664,0.18899999999999997,0.642,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,8,0,9,7,0,0,5,0,12,2,1,0,0,25,25,14,4,1,6,0,5,3,0,1,0,3,0,1,9,8,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,31,7,23,22,2,14,0,0,0,1,21,8,0,7,9,101,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966235406404857,0.0,0.0,0.11844431191906167,0.24648043120700555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688631181222786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915515852401816,0.11388821543251987,0.0,0.09028708991538124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166604938018142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978259175830442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995574841387293,0.21162105371904627,0.0,0.0,0.13537076929160974,0.0,0.0,0.16239606496616327,0.0,0.0,0.15476376722851373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707865734582085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367595870630425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541757788175015,0.1577333794887325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536303477002468,0.0,0.15474446952148402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976739636321105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451207315223192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254939683161471,0.0,0.14648556461790976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361492116064388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29103660787839075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441417025699136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwaway26847,2019/09/05,"Advice for helping BPD friend My friend has BPD (diagnosed). I've read a lot about it so I'm not unfamiliar with the basics.

I recently said something which upset her, she told me she thought I was 'different' to everyone else but now realises she was wrong about that and refuses to speak to me.

I don't have any intention of abandoning her and I don't get offended when she ignores me or tells me I don't care about her etc. I know it's just her condition and I know she's probably cried herself to sleep thinking she was stupid for ever trusting me. 

I'm not sure what to do though. I'm also worried about her because she's just been through a breakup. I have told her I'm going to keep messaging her so she knows I haven't disappeared and that when she's ready to talk about why I upset her I'll be waiting.

Is this a good approach? Is there anything else I can do?",2.5726666666666667,4.207686488888889,3.9711111111111137,87.96500000000002,75.77777777777777,7.911111111111111,27.555555555555557,8.648137234880735,1.9652888888888884,688,28,148,14,15,227,99,180,0.17300000000000001,0.7140000000000001,0.113,-0.9213,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,16,13,2,2,4,0,17,2,1,1,2,25,34,12,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,7,5,0,5,5,1,0,3,6,7,0,0,8,2,35,6,17,25,2,8,0,1,0,0,29,0,0,2,5,101,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463438178497184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976308263168715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018419905403794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323978623885587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129235532643748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772351587215325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526903835182777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645044167357768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200332974286415,0.0,0.1564674097880048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502106616855763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702207755271478,0.0,0.13546656714888394,0.0,0.14310217517834506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140853409746234,0.0,0.07824346117880898,0.0,0.08511210522829409,0.12561165058488113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038102545610968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311364101154086,0.0,0.0,0.2469126717827151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273206653554909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146669684576676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498006081582874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787001275079575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424561317002404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986823589292092,0.0,0.0,0.11529262693357475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114710396091648,0.0,0.0,0.12037148025938135,0.1308969116961263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596021282797076,0.14713851916335136,0.1188927759137059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862043503566901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351351793700415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208863173560278,0.0,0.0,0.163739138791284,0.0,0.0
bpd,_calicocat,2019/09/05,"Reasonable adjustments for BPD at work? I do admin work in an office. I had to tell my line manager at work that I have mental health problems a few months back because I had called in sick multiple times and this got flagged. She’s tried to be really supportive, and I got referred to occupational health/ HR who’ve implemented some adjustments for me, mainly that: 
- I can come in later in the day if I make up the time later 
- I can take short, frequent breaks
- I’m can ask to work from home if I don’t want to come into the office

It hasn’t really been helping at all. I’m coming into work a lot later than agreed, and other colleagues have been asking where I am. I’m also struggling to focus and concentrate at work so I’ve been making a lot of really stupid mistakes. My reasonable adjustments are due to be reviewed, and I was just wondering if anyone here had any advice for what’s worked for them, or what they think would work? Thank you, guys!",6.835079365079366,6.122025126984128,7.327031746031746,76.19435714285716,64.92592592592592,10.734603174603174,31.069312169312173,10.125756701596842,2.8558207407407417,755,23,147,15,10,249,115,189,0.087,0.853,0.059000000000000004,-0.7936,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,8,6,6,1,1,7,0,20,3,0,4,1,33,38,11,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,10,0,0,8,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,9,0,18,2,25,26,6,27,0,0,0,0,10,13,0,8,10,98,25,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652922962458733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871801017472497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741346573781627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622656211067354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383059523819635,0.0,0.0,0.08382661901066689,0.0,0.06645517676412176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730190805593745,0.0,0.11131758337075563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817230416258762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030633837449835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438019988008033,0.0,0.0,0.10794303634437116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175794247317155,0.0,0.0,0.07307116534124253,0.0,0.10935199423695108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536310716642174,0.0,0.0,0.1455381297276797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986254504777654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701557697365292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431364402861268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095154337326129,0.224173327291262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396725315858065,0.0,0.0,0.1237101300826201,0.0,0.0,0.08196650797809782,0.0,0.09528483927859203,0.10036733892024846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985308773120022,0.0,0.0,0.12713627955274334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740147469988734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430049518595335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822326397852022,0.6349199055223588,0.0,0.0,0.07744187938090655,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,macko0o0o,2019/09/05,how to reassure my girlfriend I am aware that people with BPD suffer from fear of abandonment. my girlfriend has BPD and often fears me leaving her and I want to do everything I can to effectively reassure her that i’m never going to leave her. any advice? thanks!,3.540399999999998,6.171036240000002,4.829999999999998,78.245,76.6,8.0,26.0,8.841846274778883,2.4528,212,8,36,5,5,70,36,50,0.207,0.578,0.214,-0.4843,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,9,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,7,8,0,2,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147082778246011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941743847088146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534604225452505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747057007528565,0.0,0.0,0.4944931775104242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124872193469486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653044564142582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694619540347458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232649254070724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228906719166645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959681238001425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,shyfern,2019/06/05,"Caffeinated ramblings I’m diagnosed cyclothymic technically but bpd has been mentioned, anyway I drank a shit ton of caffeine because I was bored and my dumbass wanted to spice things up and was already feeling a little kooky and now I’m obsessing over astrology and thinking about molding a personality for myself because I feel like a fresh lump of clay on a clean table. Nobody is around to talk to me and I just want to be around people except not in my current state I wanna be dressed up better. I wanna buy so many new clothes but I’m not at my weight loss goal and I can’t convince myself to start.",3.988559322033901,6.058300567796612,5.0120000000000005,80.14613559322035,72.98305084745763,7.092881355932204,29.59661016949153,7.908726449838941,2.1431294915254235,489,21,87,7,10,160,82,118,0.145,0.7040000000000001,0.151,-0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,1,1,5,0,8,5,1,0,0,21,18,9,0,4,6,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,8,2,0,3,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,4,4,13,3,20,12,1,14,0,1,0,0,3,9,1,0,5,62,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397850145422147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868684916548977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649160407495459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217542428221052,0.0,0.0,0.27366925829301736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054486463975567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197367939018261,0.15523208174900446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615696088477217,0.21778175158003052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029804344513484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986012028762774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064158712661654,0.18972932291853775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230451520210929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537990421424743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464954133044944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435787878835654,0.13923071412151408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25632664650580755,0.0,0.0,0.26460078798186304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,peachyg0th,2019/06/05,Treated differently. I’m not speaking for everyone coming from a 5’8 girl but I hate being treated different just because I’m crying or upset about something. It’s like I don’t have the right to cry things out or react how I do. They see I haven’t took one pill when I’m completely fine and just got so upset to where I’m crying.,3.4908695652173947,4.552011420289858,5.1833043478260885,82.4801739130435,72.47826086956522,7.838840579710146,26.84347826086957,8.238735603445708,1.7340991304347826,264,9,53,4,5,90,50,69,0.307,0.619,0.07400000000000001,-0.9657,2,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,1,2,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,11,14,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,2,2,5,4,6,11,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,2,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367000404627808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475784127130076,0.2127093514092078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.668542129642676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239199466899837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385463897886865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622567351021124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002959064879768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911390601350636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747255794089594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325314273561626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616641767193603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618218621260788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347803583607557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254002903458804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,ailuromeow,2019/06/05,"Who am I? I find myself in a constant battle with my thoughts and feelings about things.. I like to voice my thoughts out loud (when I'm alone) and I find myself disagreeing and confused by my own thoughts and feelings as I'm thinking and feeling..i don't even know if this makes sense.  

Like I can think one way or feel a way about something then realize or question if I really think/ believe that or like that or want that. I'm rambling.  I'm sure this makes no sense.

This sort of relates to my inability to remain passionate about anything for longer than a day to few days to a week or 2 Max before I am bored once again and have no connection to or passion for that thing. 

I feel like everything about me is so fleeting. Nothing is consistent. Or is that black and white thinking...because surely some things are consistent. 

Meh.",3.074498977505112,5.284425815950922,3.4884907975460138,89.40656032719838,76.11656441717791,6.555255623721883,28.044580777096115,7.554174236665415,1.6102502249488753,660,28,131,9,15,205,95,163,0.106,0.757,0.13699999999999998,0.7269,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,1,1,4,0,9,2,0,2,2,41,27,20,0,3,9,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,12,9,0,0,15,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,8,15,8,19,24,3,11,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,13,11,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507319847922157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197641884903244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088717736249967,0.0,0.12384089341913512,0.16396986560767385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727331871910402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771808272360727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612552539546404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079887601720555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943506307981689,0.10397134765547487,0.0,0.0,0.2660355587321281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998308735222193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844072478276889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942935680289196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964625461301794,0.0,0.0,0.15499168676731667,0.0986193396779125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630342549819163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323444711294313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204115428158573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743329711863601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900640711611286,0.27976185371889106,0.0,0.3466193165185216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584123390263125,0.2310402945661221,0.11674064992766615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,turtleneckthug,2019/06/05,"I've made a small step of progress for the first time in my life of having BPD. I have come to terms and have become okay with bad people not liking me.

I hate when people don't like me, especially when it's people that I like or at least find to be a decent person. In the past I have even hated when bad people don't like me. 

I live with my in laws and they are bad people. It's a long story and I don't feel like explaining everything but the bare essentials, but I would constantly fear leaving my room while my spouse is at work because of my fear that my mother in law doesn't like me. 

But honestly? She's a sleeze ball, a hypocrite, and turning on people is as easy for her as breathing people, so long as she's got people on her side. She will lie and manipulate to get people on her side. We had a falling out a few months ago and she flat out lied about me to other family members. As you who also struggle with BPD are aware, having people have the wrong impression of you is an absolute paranoid nightmare come true. Thankfully all but one of our family members believed me over her, since she has a history of doing this to everyone. 

Living in the house as her has been brutal, mainly because we are so fucking fake with each other: at least I know I'm being fake. She never apologized for what she did. I have religious morals so I've learned to forgive her, especially for the sake of my own sanity (I can't stay angry with people, if I don't let things go it changes me into a bad person). But I'll never trust her again, and I certainly have thrown the idea of any kind of comradery or ""friendship"", if you will, out the window. 

But even after all she had done I was still always so scared that she didn't like me, and I could not believe myself: this is so irrational! This as well as my paranoia about what my sister in law thinks of me (another long story, an equally bad person but I don't think she was ever taught boundaries so she's a bad person for a reason and I pity her) has kept me from leaving me room due to fear and anxiety. 

I've quit jobs because I couldn't handle the anxiety of my coworkers not liking me. But this is a situation I won't be escaping anytime soon, at least not for another few months. And having no escape from this problem has caused me to face it. 

In the past two days I've done a lot of thinking, and I've realized this: Why the fuck would I want a bad person to like me this badly? In some circumstances, whether or not a bad person likes you says something about your character. And if a bad person doesn't like me, that should make me happy, because I'm becoming a better person day by day.

Now my next goal is to accept and be at peace with decent people not liking me, and while it's going to be a fuckin doozy to overcome, if I can take a small step maybe I can take a medium step or even a big step too.

Edit: fixed an incomplete thought",4.794774422073079,4.816644894295301,5.7948545861297545,83.00359433258765,69.01677852348993,8.769873228933632,27.12602535421328,8.515128840125781,1.7023674123788215,2271,63,474,32,36,754,254,596,0.22399999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.083,-0.9983,1,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,3,5,1,6,23,51,6,5,35,1,56,6,2,5,7,92,84,51,0,11,23,3,1,12,0,6,1,1,3,8,22,30,0,1,14,1,0,9,20,26,1,3,14,2,78,25,71,56,14,68,1,1,0,3,44,28,3,11,42,341,100,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644046647829273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041896167100150865,0.04359257597706576,0.0,0.0,0.03562691406844935,0.10987071163238553,0.08015622767684617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374336042090523,0.12774553525765034,0.11572101000841345,0.0,0.11805090579159745,0.0,0.04633459032687722,0.0,0.0,0.13196643655586413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381883692189287,0.0554215450565245,0.09025848323462426,0.0,0.05661484707215592,0.0,0.041829055170373226,0.0,0.0,0.10136141304161723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722607065608794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380906242046092,0.047389644697169865,0.0,0.05006077425465935,0.04708464489230918,0.0,0.09877703019186147,0.1768595365061584,0.026489896830489388,0.037427339839593884,0.0,0.0,0.04788340004535512,0.04456280409255859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686719739108217,0.02737154932896008,0.0,0.059548750825937184,0.0,0.041900971934596486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577000010418693,0.0,0.1034483178906022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045088606578385,0.0,0.059141796179099974,0.0,0.0,0.05198887075819149,0.0,0.0,0.0545559967355904,0.028792107241613688,0.0,0.0,0.11094663416792493,0.0,0.053572200534167135,0.037004520706592936,0.30714058124637544,0.0,0.09252244550835613,0.13909018221373298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044540001424651775,0.0,0.04957256999772418,0.03497065087278738,0.0,0.05263267487228065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363420276277005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081260843517908,0.0,0.055717230389826435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03550073769470097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002413459066606,0.4358465450058164,0.3659585707490496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013003854616725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557230848372523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053865520866335836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166253434952514,0.05245140810662397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04333744907550169,0.05888841875323093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040332288191673386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584064004128733,0.041838624836244336,0.0,0.0,0.05476927632087469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878133762271207,0.0,0.0,0.04823356154127064,0.0,0.0,0.0348055075153263,0.10070795665732936,0.0,0.041591711713034094,0.0305489596013305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698514393633946,0.051177298981514435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030900907855594857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710479275843976,0.0,0.047273716838164836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03814045568290462,0.0,0.0,0.0744325334351779,0.05728010810085296,0.0,0.0
bpd,xxsasajxx,2019/06/05,"I need help I'm currently couch surfing with my cousin and our best mate, we are between the ages of 18 and 25, my bpd has gotten a lot worse over the past few months in terms of impulse control, and my libido is very high, I think I could have a sex addiction as I tend to dwell on it more often than not and once is never enough but I have periods in which  I could go weeks without sex and be fine with it. 
I don't have a psychologist as my time ran out and it's been really difficult linking in with a phsyc due to not having a stable place to live. 
I'm having a really difficult time controlling my emotions and mental state and have been slipping into intense depression.
 I've contemplating killing myself the last couple days twice and have resorted back to self harm because I just don't know what to do. I seem to be self destructing and I can't stop it.
I also currently have an eating disorder, not sure what it is but I seem to be controlling very strictly what I eat when I do actually eat. Some days I won't eat and others I'll eat once or twice and it'll be tiny meals, if I having eaten for a few days I'll force myself to eat a heap of salad or something.
I've also have nausea and was vomiting every day for like a month and now it's only when I eat something big or something I seem unhealthy, it's not like I force myself to vomit or anything it just happens.

I've fallen in love with my best friend and he is also in love with me, we have a very deep emotional connection and I love him so much it fucking hurts sometimes.
He has DID(dissociative identity disorder) and I have met 3 of his 8 other personalities and I love them all because they are parts of him, however me being single ( not wanting to be in a relationship as my mental state is fucked) I've still been having sex with other people, including my ex(we broke up 6 months ago and were together for 2 years and I met him in primary school) I still love him but not as much as I love my best friend.
I'm so scared I'm gonna break my best friends heart and I hate myself for even the possibility.
My best friend has said he understands and won't get cut if I sleep with others but for some reason I just feel like I shouldn't ( then my bpd kicks in and I wanna fuck everyone I want to)
I think I may be struggling with my sexuality as well, I know I'm pan but I think I might be polyamorous to, however i don't know if it's just my bpd.
I'm so confused on what's going on with me and I just want to be normal or at least stable and not so fucked up.
 Sorry for the long read and please no judgmental feedback, I've been beating myself up enough as it is.",3.164163652802891,4.132431942133817,4.781135171790236,85.40804995479205,73.15913200723327,8.061645569620254,24.855741410488246,8.472884824447931,1.4250571790235085,2076,61,451,35,40,702,237,553,0.14,0.674,0.18600000000000005,0.9839,4,0,3,0,0,1,35.0,3,0,2,9,21,39,8,4,17,0,53,28,2,4,3,101,97,56,1,12,26,1,1,3,5,7,3,1,1,3,21,39,10,4,13,1,0,4,17,18,1,2,12,2,70,21,62,67,20,59,0,3,0,13,33,22,4,18,33,313,91,3,0.0,0.0,0.056980451788246074,0.06365398081648069,0.0,0.0,0.05175942509567948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400839625822843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048050192721533706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044898490693568216,0.0,0.07118829724251846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063847748169774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062139140817136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646885907138587,0.0932397114885126,0.06460769046062813,0.0,0.15062749835130965,0.0,0.05029142854172746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338405485036444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182345518573069,0.0,0.13136232279523655,0.0,0.12066545416525085,0.0,0.038566203127438886,0.0,0.04919629593169757,0.05579437701119785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029523860003233926,0.041713999446226425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044861972155748,0.215923345642347,0.030506490668159362,0.0,0.06636903850561165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163429679546326,0.0,0.0,0.05764827387807825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919271607432327,0.039137747361902835,0.061692494884781277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250796006013687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460014982689483,0.0,0.09626924734804217,0.04759583921041046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557956624044691,0.0,0.0515596520784011,0.051673525366799054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049641294378003235,0.3161968302937354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176872576901052,0.061942817786975024,0.0,0.0,0.1398195985615218,0.0,0.08584709039960416,0.04329562343551865,0.04503415308115245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721003822158944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436740086134873,0.0,0.0444084090291729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323094032272239,0.0557400915053865,0.04048044071288539,0.050984105746604516,0.06100537354374608,0.06409494975678239,0.0,0.06582622281541223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840604168087438,0.0,0.07481256640292748,0.060034892066040374,0.0,0.06268926630857037,0.0,0.0,0.055542489900900084,0.0,0.05845881695281205,0.05909404064414546,0.0,0.1594688457718264,0.1218275104605513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843240918589555,0.0,0.0,0.13485497936826635,0.05774944084215849,0.06536309370723854,0.0,0.0,0.09326104290231646,0.04881685556022886,0.0,0.061042157201412775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055032110606420936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224232516226874,0.0,0.0,0.0680956375395191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078629955353869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453419048209398,0.10332022997364304,0.0,0.04683712884602926,0.0,0.052499838552818916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628610813567261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950464343895224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760140045221272
bpd,GingerrCat,2019/06/05,"I was doing so good.  I tried to be friends with a group of people last year and it ended terribly. If you got on the bad side of the ""leader"", he would try to ruin you socially and make sure no one has any thing to do with you. Be it sports teams around town or the local hangout spots. He has connections and can make life very difficult.  I ended up on the bad side of the ""leader"" for a misunderstanding and was exiled. All these people are in their 30s and 40s, by the way. Too old to act like this. I still miss a few of them. I have consciously decided not to get close with anyone ever again. I don't want to go through losing close people again.  Isolating myself from society has been great. I've had no issues with my mood since. It's lonely sometimes, but it's better for me over all. 


Out of the blue, an old friend (former FP) from the group calls to see how things have been. He then goes on for the next hour talking about all the group activities, hangouts, and vacations they've all had and are doing together this summer. I ended up getting off the phone when he wouldn't stop talking about the latest game night they had and trying to explain all the inside jokes. 

This has really messed me up. I have horrible abandonment issues and I really miss *some* of the people even though I know they hate me now.  I just feel like I'm spiraling into a depression again. It took so long to get into a good place all on my own.  I don't know why I let these people have such an affect on me. Maybe because it was the first time in 30 something years that I've felt accepted into a social group and lost it all in a day? I don't even know why I'm writing this here. I'm rambling at this point. Reddit has just been my go to since ditching social media and the real world. I'm just so upset and trying not be irrational right now. 

I'm not on meds any more or see a Therapist. I lost my health insurance a few months ago, also don't qualify for Government assistance. So, I've been handling things on my own. My husband and mom don't like to hear about my ""drama"", as they call it. Husband is mad that he's still paying on a bill from my last mental break. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.",2.7757514166050754,4.235652625277165,4.026210273466372,88.50999291697465,74.85365853658536,7.228406011332841,21.618686868686872,7.8897218956490685,0.8103983247105201,1718,41,367,25,36,563,221,451,0.13,0.778,0.092,-0.9411,0,2,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,4,5,6,28,31,2,1,28,0,37,2,0,5,9,66,68,28,0,5,11,3,2,3,2,2,2,1,0,0,22,24,0,2,9,8,2,4,11,17,0,2,16,6,37,13,57,46,13,71,0,9,3,0,36,33,0,5,35,244,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470128030346943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739159960101285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461452892247916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892433995566319,0.0,0.0,0.07501918043942353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072576250908753,0.05137090430206468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453097443309149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210051047711686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434791323006216,0.0,0.07258260874058821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391764909239567,0.0,0.0,0.11132058537117843,0.07622807005308209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261002006233769,0.06020331870864305,0.08091350914630979,0.0,0.0,0.07168098798453741,0.0,0.0,0.13021534626086315,0.0,0.13208457626401873,0.0,0.09578646091440647,0.14136526674871858,0.06739932836241326,0.0929092285113702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320030328808592,0.0,0.08957628031214858,0.09497969855925044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829900970195316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591435006691136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893964273089307,0.1373844519935566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617294941356958,0.05952319783632715,0.12351186579370622,0.0,0.0,0.07457730636610001,0.0,0.09427784908291817,0.18398380659933805,0.0,0.0,0.07973938953637077,0.11250327963281452,0.0,0.08466168617391864,0.0,0.09360623812318468,0.0,0.08492548756679517,0.0,0.0,0.09869733976929736,0.06726441934491695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962331261312559,0.07908275548981616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685676939426828,0.0,0.05710430490079978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921149861026611,0.0,0.08804540430433869,0.0,0.07966346541777332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429394420347433,0.0959190057513012,0.10797249936134824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196709245819055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430637470044246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941991442052354,0.0,0.0,0.2577114418100613,0.0,0.06487604009952798,0.08334631151223522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459808130329026,0.07045444581344541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942455142232517,0.0,0.0,0.13546789916837285,0.0,0.0775855428242365,0.0,0.09784528785093187,0.1679580010822375,0.0,0.08279596643180392,0.0,0.04913917897928589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362833642896036,0.2288582873545775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953251545768037,0.04970530131154987,0.06689050782718492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208319124723907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986379945642389,0.0,0.0,0.10853570146080348
bpd,SieferPyre,2019/06/05,"Therapy help Hi everyone, I was recently diagnosed with BPD but due to where I'm living DBT group therapy isn't an option. I've picked up one of the books and been going through it myself. I was wondering if anyone has seen a therapist one on one and any pros and cons?",3.7711818181818164,4.9253595272727315,5.648863636363636,79.05329545454545,71.9090909090909,10.590909090909092,28.29545454545455,10.686352973137794,3.2167272727272724,214,8,43,7,4,74,46,55,0.0,0.963,0.037000000000000005,0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,3,0,6,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,3,2,27,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644068565498306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085507188475334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897376935114208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334941118161452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982094305927344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074171104475935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541964799173652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031368025026512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676599047180777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271448747201539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261604017144991,0.26710372696051504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494774931355881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AwkwardMcCringworthy,2019/06/05,"How are you going to ghost another BPD person after 2 messages? A total douche on here asked to chat as friends on Snapchat. Wanted a selfie to prove I was a real person. No prob. Well then they ghosted me. That’s really fucked up to do to people with BPD. I wasn’t aware I was so ugly you couldn’t even be friends with me. Thanks for that. It’s already been a hideous couple of days. Already wishing I could blow my brains out and you did that. Fuck you John Snow. You didn’t even spell it right, asshat.",0.12793956043956098,2.4918822884615395,1.3763736263736277,98.42576923076923,91.5,3.740659340659341,17.043956043956047,5.288315135182226,-0.7177505494505496,394,10,86,2,14,124,72,104,0.174,0.708,0.11699999999999999,-0.8092,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,1,0,6,6,2,0,4,0,11,3,1,1,2,12,18,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,6,0,13,4,15,9,1,9,0,0,0,2,13,5,2,0,3,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791778294863407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801504557728549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160612640486006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327598017532252,0.19178899912679828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717073898098714,0.19009678393162108,0.0,0.11079874084687694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269485607892904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654691881833495,0.3176582639753976,0.0,0.0,0.09763962062874858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910658834560292,0.30002355648250395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955494595632401,0.11006141969688582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671884811885658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817314671231622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133387781461373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447155585761174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975650047044293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,unconciousme,2019/06/05,"DAE feel like they are in a dream It’s like being in a dream or a movie all the time. I’ve looked this up before and apparently this means i’m constantly disassociating, but that doesn’t sound right to me because i am aware of what’s happening around me. It’s more like feeling always slightly off. Time passes strangely and things which happened earlier that day feel like distant memories. Im often thinking of a memory and then think “oh that was just _ hours ago”. 

Perhaps it is disassociation but I’ve been led to believe that’s when you are completely seperated from reality (I experience this too but what i’m talking about is more consistent). Not sure if this does make sense or is a BPD thing or a symptom of something else such as depression or anxiety. Just wondering if anyone relates to this or can explain it.

I’ve also read it can be caused by regular drug use which i take part in (weed, ketamine, mdma and alcohol)",4.9872435897435885,6.398386861111118,6.067777777777781,76.22115384615384,69.27777777777779,9.538461538461537,31.62393162393163,9.851270322608157,3.155688034188035,745,32,139,18,13,248,118,180,0.07200000000000001,0.843,0.085,-0.1459,1,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,0,7,0,13,3,0,4,2,33,29,18,0,2,13,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,20,5,1,0,8,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,5,7,5,16,25,4,17,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,9,12,90,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006195439867207,0.1568033117389002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733511284616382,0.12208610418458933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224344219010526,0.0,0.0,0.10259281748788687,0.0,0.0,0.13061544843274786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944157564115232,0.0,0.12485129923746875,0.1653076798115867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847937149975312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072594322015795,0.0,0.0,0.15383730024402534,0.1585564964475188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462482816192158,0.0,0.12637314795415358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283991426139585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015323364179033,0.0,0.12256905708780864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352420540245306,0.0,0.0,0.22256415674913985,0.209639279560476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25949505980040805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449356383513526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584870750782982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867276989327109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123211188823872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979393951874784,0.0,0.0,0.15982542653473922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588877709062026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676368440458046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253014762193771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295528717463413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828561362348796,0.15250239359393014,0.1103181720422746,0.1179311763636701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949537838254473,0.18802960233645127,0.0,0.0,0.17111186393669447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672240858860812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591158961958782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,PinotGrouchio,2019/06/05,"Not doing so good today. Any advice? I've been spiraling mood-wise since Monday. I'm at the point where I just want to cry all the time. I'm in physical pain because of how sad I am, but I feel numb at the same time. I'm completely detached, almost like a ghost, but my emotions are so intense. I know this is contradictory, but I hope you guys can understand what I mean. I haven't really eaten, I just want to sleep, and I feel really nauseous. I'm apathetic about my life in general. I'm at work right now, but I'm barely keeping it together. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to break out of this downward spiral? It's been awhile since I've had one of these, and I'm all out of tricks. Any tips are greatly appreciated.",2.1116307692307714,3.8216028400000006,4.25,85.14346153846154,77.26666666666667,7.548717948717949,22.871794871794872,8.384062270229773,1.305364102564102,566,17,121,11,13,195,93,150,0.146,0.73,0.124,-0.3505,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,0,4,0,11,5,1,2,2,27,28,10,1,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,2,12,4,16,24,3,18,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,2,6,68,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258875881911401,0.0,0.0,0.16697360323811322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34018219383757525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165937769844535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016477700758527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483165308975032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316437415848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592192090537418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756857097777327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686251616968282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398599491911981,0.0,0.1838397829658032,0.0,0.16510630885186015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656179598616179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821290049006247,0.0,0.0,0.09164010283387412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777873895833485,0.08146443923467933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163698584490806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299246789129605,0.0,0.17743116948481089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763034983026394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136455244210363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240151242429602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27587062360595543,0.0,0.16686799162148153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944636963068557,0.0,0.15805719767714507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359009949993906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670407238925466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139421583775345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,oatmealmilk,2019/06/05,"Anyone else falling asleep when they’re not anxious? I don’t know if it’s normal, but when I’m not anxious I then to fall asleep. Like a slow day at work will have me sleeping in no time. During these times, I’ll fall asleep at 7pm and wake up at 7. 

But when I’m anxious (most of the time I don’t know why) I’ll be fidgety and won’t be able to fall asleep at all but I won’t get tired even thought I’ll sleep 4 hours. And I’ll be super productive at work. 

I have no idea if it’s bpd related or adhd related or something else undiagnosed. 

Anyone else go through cycles like that?",0.5723177083333333,2.234548679687503,2.4903125000000017,96.20677083333337,81.734375,5.5166666666666675,20.822916666666664,6.42735559955562,0.02026354166666655,453,13,110,4,12,151,73,128,0.10800000000000001,0.752,0.139,0.6059,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,10,8,7,0,1,19,17,14,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,5,8,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,11,10,2,22,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,12,54,10,2,0.14538360217015886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747228374928834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927262659655078,0.0,0.20331118994899314,0.2979253621251419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310555753905056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376039611442943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643480331903943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960244980879822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595693164701353,0.0,0.08262485147972802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317356284108634,0.0,0.0,0.1641203906972326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597980512861106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205416882187927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424450622652523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909771929378847,0.0,0.0,0.11192339975075057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541834061715675,0.2543230427081342,0.1670970639027502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118608798580506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168198778044114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,chanely-bean1123,2019/06/05,"I just got out of an emotionally / psychologically abusive relationship and I was not the abuser, but yet was made to feel like I was. First time posting, so please excuse all posting errors.

I just got out of an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship where my partner was the abuser to the point where I was crying almost everyday. And this is so hard to comprehend as throughout the relationship I felt like I was the abuser because I would sometimes  get mad at him and speak my mind about him not caring for me properly. And this is because so often, on YouTube vids, and even on reddit I see people say, 'they have bpd: run, get away from them, they are destructive' to the point where I no longer trusted my own emotions or instincts. So I took on all the blame for his awful actions against me, saying it was my fault he was like this and if I got angry at him because he was mistreating me, I was abusing him.
The rhetoric out in the Internet that we are always the bad guy is so damaging. Because we loose trust of everything we know. Whenever he mistreated me I would always ask multiple friends if he actually was mistreating me because I have been taught by the Internet not to trust my own feelings, and even if they said I was right, I would still feel guilty for getting mad at him, incase I was wrong. I let him mistreat me for far too long because 'that was just him' and because he was 'normal' I believed every word of it and after seeing all the hate posts against those with bpd I came to believe that once again my feelings were wrong, or misplaced, and that I was 'of course the distructive one' in our relationship, making problems where there weren't any, instead of trusting my instinct that he was actually abusing me and my response to the continued abuse was to get angry at him. 

The relationship is thankfully over now, but the damage that it caused to me is extensive. Not being able to trust yourself, your emotions or your instincts for so long is incredibly damaging and leads to even worse issues after it's done. And the worst thing is I stopped trusting in my friends, he made me believe they were only saying his actions were wrong because they were my friends and not his, I even stopped trusting in my psychologist for the same reason.

Having bpd in this world is the most difficult because you are taught not to trust yourself, your feeling or actions and in my case I was taught not to trust the advice of my closest friends. Being bpd in an abusive realationship, when you already don't trust yourself is so destructive, because you are taught you are the destructive one, and so you should be thankful if anyone, especially a SO 'loves' you enough to put up with your behaviour.",9.26328930202218,7.836341215264191,8.601029843444227,71.32024013372474,60.52641878669277,11.412948467058058,40.274054142204825,10.222266870305534,4.05236392694064,2175,97,390,37,24,688,209,511,0.23199999999999998,0.628,0.14,-0.9969,0,0,0,0,4,0,42.0,4,10,6,2,30,38,6,0,25,1,52,1,0,6,3,76,84,38,0,10,20,0,7,3,5,4,0,5,0,2,16,26,0,2,8,0,0,8,10,17,0,3,39,14,78,21,57,37,9,56,0,3,2,1,57,30,0,11,18,304,94,6,0.052149327242724856,0.5560958273537902,0.10178044151601257,0.0,0.0,0.050959719027958435,0.0,0.0,0.052220018278875915,0.0,0.05754807938751736,0.0,0.086784835722902,0.0,0.0,0.035463330801682534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03646402214036658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048752581330235314,0.0,0.04899600959541837,0.0,0.043542509968821114,0.317897458546094,0.0,0.0,0.1762633012004186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627210083538708,0.0,0.0,0.05964493762638171,0.053169714694426516,0.05357172427159822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728358723237656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336686762900058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234643896162054,0.0,0.05388419543561257,0.0,0.1377765552472036,0.0,0.04393805738403675,0.0,0.04686845271772898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184133382941834,0.03725548980213092,0.050071532259602834,0.0,0.0,0.0443581911121656,0.0,0.0,0.16116176346291916,0.0,0.10898348440086847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251257427831402,0.0,0.0,0.05163603287584715,0.0,0.0,0.0467155540377132,0.05148666414362441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054430348820831836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028659906429872463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053326220330705526,0.0,0.07643258137958721,0.0,0.0,0.0923010271323714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047066803882231764,0.09868990871009624,0.03481008088068137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052655954413042334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109526834729717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553733154357912,0.07067546754973478,0.0396619133067778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03615377729744626,0.0,0.0,0.05724430116345306,0.09859594079315027,0.0,0.1498339202790807,0.0,0.0,0.04989986325080562,0.0,0.05242447761977274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361819386370849,0.0,0.2799443055889108,0.0,0.04453524052620392,0.04960595228360762,0.12441371443243655,0.0,0.0,0.08311252403258564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515770180978997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164652010007227,0.08719834533443324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602418808404208,0.0,0.0,0.034645695789564834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03040869208901349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793982138926236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053144619702004285,0.11113615750781322,0.17105130840413796,0.0,0.0
bpd,throwawaydiva723,2019/06/05,"I can’t help but think my boyfriend doesn’t truly want me When he tells me he loves me I still feel the need to be defensive, have a wall up, make myself appear nonchalant. If he wants to end the FaceTime before I do, I’ll instantly think he wants to leave me. I have this constant fear he’s going to abandon me... 

It’s crazy how attached I am to him, I love him wholeheartedly but yet I surprise myself how easily I can find myself getting defensive, or even passive aggressive. I feel like he can’t love me hard enough, I always feel like no matter how much he tells me I can’t accept it. My mood can be great before I speak to him and one little comment can send me spiralling downward thinking he doesn’t love me. I know he does, but I can’t snap myself out of that mentality.

p.s. he doesn’t know the extent of how I feel, as I’m sure it sounds so clingy!

Please tell me someone gets like this too? Agh.",1.8224743230625573,3.626235417989424,3.2929723000311237,91.25535014005604,78.41798941798943,6.140180516651106,21.699657640834108,7.048011613610866,0.4936589480236533,710,20,155,8,17,233,103,189,0.086,0.613,0.302,0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,10,17,3,1,4,0,16,4,0,5,1,33,39,13,0,5,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,3,11,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,0,7,34,11,11,37,3,13,0,1,0,4,24,5,0,3,8,91,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869409997632372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223119443794051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411639415629552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143146415996254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569884858100805,0.13497505818926472,0.0,0.08627946660087467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469943578839378,0.2642005368960554,0.18664329543236552,0.0,0.0,0.11939287722924012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649690813564633,0.0,0.0742396810771732,0.0,0.0,0.1440193411044572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701825690463515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755811286857712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435809705164225,0.0,0.0,0.13831764097434238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145673487122766,0.13092494586799666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715924245637553,0.0,0.08719611853641414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316436801630292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602761703608223,0.09686002233160323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851784152996972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433918205157856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068184092168368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043207832731693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311663487723926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425274801595491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511060762979908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311457599740547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,IgneEtSanguis,2019/06/05,How do you handle getting fired? I was just fired. This is only my second job I’ve ever had and I don’t know what to do. My mental health has been on a decline for years. I need advice and support.,-1.1973643410852723,0.8553279069767471,1.4747674418604682,97.25385658914728,95.51162790697674,2.8666666666666667,14.143410852713178,3.1291,-1.3574310077519378,152,3,34,0,6,52,35,43,0.16399999999999998,0.774,0.062,-0.6705,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,1,7,12,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,6,1,3,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33900340523443395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138064062675343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124988241172585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687566875560965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442617222135384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906565824685288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496108721537366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25723465678143803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638461107239201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39367744897615903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340325816607512
bpd,angelic_dollx,2019/06/05,"The ""internet"" bpd I feel like a complet monster every time i make a mistake because of the bad reputation bpd has. I beat myself up and think ill never make anyone happy and im a monster and no matter how much therapy i do it'll just get worst ( i am only 16 going on 17 soon). Im not allowed to make mistakes otherwise im proving people that everything people say about bpd is true i will literally let people tear me appart before ever saying anything to protect myself bc im scared of being toxic i'd rather people walk all over me and destroy me than ever living up to the ""internet"" bpd. When i told my bf i had bdp i didnt want him to google it by fear. We've been together for a year and he knows me , i still wouldnt want him to google it by fear he'd change his mind even tho he knows me better then that. I cant get upset at anyone or express my feelings to them  bc the rare times  i do i start panicking bc i think im being abusive. I cant talk about my feelings to my friends and barely to my boyfriend bc i think im being self centred and manipulative. I cant take care of my bf without feeling controlling "" drink water its good for you"" and "" i want u to stop doing drugs"" and ill start a never ending spiral of self hatred because i feel controlling. I can never ever feel like the real me , the one who takes care of others and is soft no matter how nice i am i feel like the ""internet"" bpd. Im tearing myself apart over that by fear of hurting people and not knowing. Idk how i'll ever get over the distorted view the internet has of bpd.",0.9080895844576348,3.0059579174311963,3.4611881633387327,87.37767539125745,82.97553516819572,5.681921208850513,21.544252563410687,6.923569853693429,0.6775660010793314,1217,39,249,15,34,424,163,327,0.20600000000000002,0.706,0.08800000000000001,-0.9902,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,4,16,22,1,5,14,0,24,5,0,10,10,61,54,18,0,7,6,0,8,3,3,3,3,2,0,2,9,11,2,4,14,1,0,2,13,11,0,1,4,11,43,11,32,42,3,28,0,1,1,0,19,8,0,1,21,158,52,0,0.0,0.07580932569342674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947672379837647,0.0,0.05265251094922036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342308540416398,0.0780068171992634,0.0,0.0544447725059234,0.0,0.0,0.056587714166942076,0.0,0.0,0.4835056664214018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046975064456928,0.0,0.06768547057876355,0.0,0.06708489912292245,0.0,0.14352462383640002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267892624616787,0.07419990142957464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666989695740177,0.0,0.0,0.0422601308636857,0.2315049426079279,0.053908389612846316,0.0,0.057503744136320124,0.0,0.0,0.21599579987444031,0.2264618915817189,0.13712828324998053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049433063571267935,0.0,0.10028534182388688,0.0,0.036362981381340906,0.05366585750929241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681110333062646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849506453706343,0.0,0.4837879109250239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549005764537547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542689489072827,0.0,0.09377650313742246,0.0,0.056498111492056365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812733522799574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460453363069846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703482557727807,0.0,0.1480427717700875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335649852973929,0.04866191185114874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178858472187535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282659755783315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176360980465056,0.06405808853929937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334963288412736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057491371141417,0.0,0.05109686147366187,0.05349260588375465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096214421744815,0.05142706649983377,0.0,0.0,0.07317007226788202,0.0,0.0,0.12299306037796205,0.0,0.0,0.07461793799500974,0.0,0.0,0.061138444615862826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132163937716162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061677274471666425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120291796725506
bpd,wechrsteena,2019/06/05,"Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder  

### Borderlines’ intense, labile emotions elevate you when they’re in good spirits and crush you when they’re not. [https://themindsjournal.com/loving-borderline-personality-disorder/](https://themindsjournal.com/loving-borderline-personality-disorder/)",34.525,43.661686884615385,22.156923076923075,-40.63692307692307,7.076923076923079,14.430769230769231,51.46153846153846,13.023866798666859,8.991676923076922,273,10,14,6,2,72,22,26,0.133,0.617,0.25,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7429840358858811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36461337705550095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27187288426618306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925486081914923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830261611832329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27464239735117496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,diarichan,2019/06/05,"Asperger (me) tragic story (long) about BPD girl I met on the Internet, it ended up very badly, I liked her very much but couldn't understand her feelings or express my emotions in a proper.way Day 1
I meet a local Taiwanese woman on a language exchange app. I live together with an older woman I met in 2017. 
She wants to come at the house.
She says that she comes from Taichung and will arrive around 3 p.m., with her luggage. I refuse her and ask if a hotel is alright. She suddenly says that she has a boyfriend. I don't understand, she wants to stay at my place, but not hotel?
I get kicked out of the house (the older woman thinks that I will have sex with her) and we meet.  She wants to go to the house, but I push her to the hotel.  
Once arrived... She asks for my laptop. She wants to study English pronunciation. 
She also says that she has depression, and when she goes to see her boyfriend she feels unsafe.
I shake her hand. She asks me if I have a car.  She laughs at me and after two hours leaves the place. 
I'm like: but I booked a room for two... 
She: but I have a boyfriend... and I need to return to the dormitory... 

Day 2
She sends me a message, asks me if I can come. I ignore her and she magically appears in at the hotel, from her city it's 30 min by motorcycle. We take a picture together.  After that I got a message from the older woman to return. She also wants to go. I refuse and we stay at the coffee shop instead. I pay for her. It's funny, we make a lot of sexual jokes on the computer.  We go to the doctor to get her medicine and she starts to cry. She says that her boyfriend says ''you have food, people in Africa don't have so why are you depressed. ''. I shake her hand and say ""I will forever be with you. I know your pain.'' She shows me that she swallows 8 !! medicines. Afterwards she brings me to a pier and says ''I want to be with you but I don't know, my feelings change. Sometimes I don't want to return to the dormitory. ""' and ''I feel like you only want me because I'm not yours yet.'' I also suffer from depression and Insomnia, but when she messages me, I feel very good.  Upon returning home she sends me messages, I say I like her and she says asks to delete it. Quite manipulative.

Day 3
Early day she says good morning,  and asks me if I can come. I say no, and she says bye. Suddenly she appears at the coffee shop and she calls me. I feel that she won't last long. She has video call with her boyfriend and attacks me. ""'I waited 30 mins!!!'' I said but you came unexpected and I didn't shower yet. 
She buys clothes and we go to another cafe and I treat her again. 
We sit many hours and feel happy next to her. 
I wrote a resume for her. My eyes hurt very much. She says ''I don't mind if you have sex a girl me if you spend a lot of time and money on that girl'', and ''my previous boyfriend broke up with me after I let a man who came to my house kiss me''. We go to the barbershop and she cuts her hair. She leaves me at the station and sends me many messages. She says why don't you cut your hair, I say I don't like short hair, then she says so you don't like me,  I say I always think about you, then she says don't do that. 

Day 4 
I say to her that she reminds me of another girl that has BPD, and I also liked her very much. She is angry and I unsend the message, then she says why unsend.  I send heart icon but she says that she wants to preserve relationship and asks to me stop ''kiss'' ''heart'' emoticon. 

Day 5 
She goes to Northern Taiwan to meet her boyfriend and have a job interview.
I want to message me but I want to know if she thinks about me when she's with her boyfriend. I wait... and received a message.  I feel good. 

I didn't meet her so I had insomnia, I sent her love horoscope between Aries and Leo. She says don't send it because she is with her boyfriend.

Day 6
She spent one night at her boyfriends house but says she will return early morning because she wants to see me.
Why not spend the entire weekend with your boyfriend, you love him, right?
She says to me that a friendship lasts longer than bf / gf. 

After arriving, she acts stupid so that I come to help her on the computer. 
However I don't go meet her. I don't know what I am to her. A friend? A lover? Just being used? I refuse to go and actually want to end the relationship. I do love her and want to meet her, but I don't want her to use this weakness. 

She sends me a lot of messages, asking me to help her with correcting English documents. 

Then she suggests to meet the next day.
She said that I can be honest and  that she will still be my friend?.

Day 7
She wants me to come to her city.  Actually it was a lie...
She said that wants to go to my house because she doesn't want to cry in public. 
That was also a lie.  
She was at the coffee shop the entire time, testing me...  Her Chinese is also messed up (perhaps she is seeing me as an idiot).  I treat her again and spend the entire afternoon to correct her English.
She shows me her iphone chat history and I see her asking a man for money and housing...  She talks fondly about me, however. 
I manage to hug her and kiss her on the right cheek. Her eyes sparkled.
Afterwards her friend Fufu comes in and they are trying to trick me into paying their food, because they were quarrelling about paying food. 

Day 8
She asks me if I slept well. 
She said that she going to treat me on a cup of bubble tea but she has no money as student.  Now I'm starting to think maybe she is my friend? 
But later she sends me many messages, asking me again to correct her English. I feel that she wants to meet, but just doesn't want to say it because then she has to come from far away. I also want to see her daily, but I don't want to appear weak and clingy. She is sad that we didn't meet. On days I don't meet her I cannot sleep. I miss her. 

Day 9
She sends me a good morning message.  Then various heart icons, and says that she wants to come early because it's hot outside. Once arrived at the coffee shop, I give her chocolates as present. She had forgotten to bring her wallet. I treat her to breakfast,  she doesn't let me hug her, but I kiss her cheek and she comes closer and we touch each other gently. Outside she is super happy. We go to the department store and treat her on Sushi. She treats me on bubble tea. 
Her friend (same as previous day) comes...  She doesn't like it when I'm together with her. 
The woman brings me to the station and I say I love you.  Afterwards she sends me some messages. 

Day 10
I stay in a hotel. 
I talk about similarities between her and another woman with had BPD I also loved. I tell her that we should end this relationship because I know she will be my enemy one day.  She will meet another boy on the app and I'm sure her borderline personality disorder will control her and erase me. She wants me to come, she says that she is tired and wants to meet but that the hotel I stay at is very far. We decide to rest. 

Day 11
She comes to the hotel. She wanted to know how much the hotel costs. She watched some movie on my laptop. She skipped to the sex scenes (no nudity, suggestive). I thought that maybe she wanted sex. I tried, but she rejected me Maybe she was on her period, because she asked me for tissues. After 45 minutes we went outside. 
She paid food for me, and asked how much the hotel costs. I lied and she said ''I know that it costs...''.
I bought a screen protector for her iphone.
Because I said if I leave Taiwan I want to let you know that I'm always by your side protecting you.
We went to the mall, treated her on bubble tea and chicken. She said that she wanted to go to Japan to live together with me.  She gave me a hug and we separated. ""When you are happy, I'm happy too'', she said. 

Day 12 〜 13 Warning!
She sends me a message that she dreamt the screen protector to be broken again. 
I notice her being online a lot on the app we met. she also stops messaging me. I sense distance. 
In the first 2 weeks she was never online.
Maybe she doesn't like the fact that I live in cheap hotels (gold digger), maybe she expected me to violate her (sex) but I didn't. 
Or her mental illness devaluating me, and idealizing someone else. 
I meet someone else and she suddenly starts questioning me a lot. 
Suddenly, she begs me to not stop chatting. I felt very good talking to her all night. Very happy, I couldn't sleep. 

Day 14
She is online all day. She doesn't try to meet me again. 
When I create distance she says that she wants to meet tomorrow. She says that she is just bored being on bed all day, and I'm a friend to her. 

Day 15
She doesn't want to meet me, she is looking for a new partner. When I try to leave her she chases me and deceives me. Again, all day on the app, and I don't like it. 
I post a negative review and she attacks me. She says that she will kill herself.
""'Don't push me away! Let's be friends! We all need love! ""' she says. 
Suddenly she wants to meet, and I want to meet to, but then she won't feel that my anger  is genuine. She offers me sex, but is afraid I will see her as a bitch. I think she doesn't want me to leave her. 
She becomes desperate.  She wants to thank me one last time and meet in person. I tell her that I'm stupid for not attacking her that day when she came to the hotel.  She tries to call me, I reject. 
She is scared I abandon her. ""Don't push me!'', finally she says that she likes me and will come to see me tomorrow. I actually wanted to see her today because I miss her. Insomnia.

Day 16
I tell her that I forgive her and love her. She makes a stupid joke. 
We meet at the cafe and I treat her again. 
She brings me to the doctor because she is out of medicine.
Outside she says that she will miss me and see me off when I leave Taiwan. 
Once inside, I notice her talking badly about me and hide the chat. I leave (act like I'm angry) and she begs me to return. The doctor gives her less medicine. 
Apparently, being with me has a positive influence on her wellbeing. 
Afterwards we go to the pier, she is very happy, sometimes holds my arm. She returns to her dormitory early. 
Later on a message that she forgot medicine in my pocket, I didn't see any. 

Day 17
Strange day. She didn't get the job she wanted.  I lost my investment and my  account in the app where I met her. 
This time I went to her city for the first time and I she treated me on tea. I helped her with looking for a position as au pair.  She said that her friend doesn't want her to meet me, but I am in her heart so she will always be at my side when I need her. At the end of the day, She was invited to another job interview, I got my account and investment back. 

Day 18
Nothing much. Talk about Bitcoin and pachinko. I say that I will meet a friend tomorrow, and she doesn't want me to meet.

Day 19 〜 the final day.
She says I should meet my friend and have sex with her. I refuse. 
She asks me to come, but I'm tired so she comes instead. 
We meet and she says negative things about me. Like, that I will poison her one day. She is jealous about my relationship with the old woman I'm staying with. 
The old woman is my friend but she lets me stay at her house for free, gives me food every day, etc.
I tell her that her boyfriend doesn't love her, I feel like that.  Because when she's in trouble he won't save her. 
I treat her two times, on food first then later on some drinks. At the end of the day I try to play with her hair and  she refuses. We talk about her boyfriend as she slowly drinks the juice, she doesn't want me to go home. 

This story made us break up:
She met her boyfriend when she missed the bus to Taichung, and stayed at his house for two days. At day 2 he kissed her and she recognized him as boyfriend. He never confessed to her. I felt angry. I meet her 9 times, I confess many times on LINE, yet she won't let me hug or kiss her anymore?  
I call him her sex friend and she is hurt. 
She brings me home and sends me message. Afraid I'd not like the story and block her. 

Day 20 ～ 25
Morning, message from her. 
She asks feedback about her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend never confessed to her and she had a kiss with him after sleeping two nights at his house.
She goes to Nothern Taiwan one time a month to sleep with him. In my opinion, she is a bad girl. I scolded her a lot. 
I called her a sl*t,  gold digger, deceiver, fraud. I told her to die together with her ugly sex friend.
I also send pictures of us at the hotel to her friends, and she said that I'm funny because her boyfriend was not on instagram.
She turned insane. She said that she only liked me as friend, and asks her ''boyfriend'' if she is his boyfriend, and shows me a screenshot of him saying yes. 

Day 23 she blocks then unblocks me. 

Day 24 she does that again, permanent block.

Day 26 I try to reach her by mail, phone, maybe there is a misunderstanding. 
My friend also reaches her but no avail. 
Her BPD devaluated me. 

Finally, I notice her watching my Instagram, so I go to her University. 
She has seen it. However, no response. I deleted the Instagram account, and farewell. Now I'm very lonely. She healed my mind, I felt so happy... I wanted to see her every day... The weather is good... 

So what do you people feel about this story... Any kind of comment is welcome.",0.7185384304570341,2.903448187892213,2.2621255350034417,95.14502811574036,84.47065337763013,5.285026388514759,19.7094282821027,6.611634462684294,0.058068678977980966,10107,286,2280,110,296,3279,620,2709,0.102,0.7559999999999999,0.142,0.9990000000000001,8,3,2,0,0,0,401.0,24,22,3,8,75,141,16,5,116,2,143,77,20,10,13,349,365,177,2,60,49,0,23,16,20,21,14,49,6,19,72,155,14,19,37,31,29,67,60,49,1,13,58,92,630,93,271,266,26,325,3,18,20,29,595,84,1,27,181,1480,702,21,0.0,0.0,0.04365148226180029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116310862388147,0.037220183570883004,0.0,0.0,0.02027929835865316,0.0781747802303997,0.0,0.0,0.01478720633230725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013273503429758714,0.22302882897924275,0.050888528241634284,0.028017805279637795,0.01146525172864157,0.03734892624216473,0.1272502070309078,0.01646747234279507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511699540136797,0.0,0.07612642202635846,0.05116090867801113,0.0,0.0,0.015773328634911394,0.2055051647075316,0.0,0.0,0.01672339011323846,0.0,0.0,0.032756961353561986,0.38464147885058003,0.0,0.038527167335704736,0.0,0.015474741694831762,0.0,0.017088721206318488,0.04578457609747275,0.013048276297439508,0.0,0.0,0.029213220908724,0.0,0.0,0.024911613735721302,0.016772302089012196,0.06603137281696893,0.0,0.016629145430099683,0.0,0.0,0.02512547340725904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047034277793396,0.021304123896882483,0.04294924584125232,0.049001161529441804,0.0,0.03804858308054433,0.10817899205795517,0.0,0.18431700640573595,0.0,0.02337035763106441,0.042910521791870375,0.11863570583111473,0.0750373041419602,0.023850572905267025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110750829855763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067604236364085,0.029982575271320245,0.0,0.044869332286778765,0.0,0.02936767186664366,0.17204711474837212,0.0319239905868821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044389102270093635,0.0,0.016496255620891298,0.015526988008688052,0.06555535312491191,0.036462135097660005,0.0,0.11051644301130553,0.0,0.09148195964500433,0.0,0.11655224985579744,0.0,0.0394987257470146,0.02639064106097296,0.02504212414476197,0.0,0.016276568696243842,0.07605822744428313,0.10765844461183076,0.014108672666086206,0.019905744895081696,0.060467614154456825,0.08987758932179296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015026273866081831,0.0,0.030110702682531524,0.0,0.011901416353067594,0.0,0.06576558497169532,0.033167833513018566,0.03449968318437642,0.014400650797337369,0.03171496516993412,0.041977473763918034,0.0,0.014307023892147618,0.05092709856293292,0.03129211651447502,0.04763757764522697,0.05051869285394302,0.022680209535902444,0.01586581994570196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020674122256232885,0.026038541497264145,0.031156591398697312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014280134366481869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016703168930155624,0.015859148798406796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403317419438959,0.0,0.025466965727382333,0.15601626699773075,0.4505821720550764,0.014928008531444537,0.0,0.1306990909698566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968506023951944,0.0,0.025267231235584928,0.0,0.02949372534424594,0.0,0.03166117930109639,0.11124824036567132,0.011907542066930468,0.03739752911197107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014052966848425651,0.0,0.011210838017539684,0.071906955542612,0.05212972591024796,0.013727582236235752,0.0,0.0,0.00990587158449292,0.04777022169766759,0.0,0.011837269001957355,0.07824987572603262,0.0342748454756434,0.014133407601095032,0.014247618741619597,0.0,0.0708627404030303,0.016218338945600982,0.07282694434621427,0.03104470619248545,0.035870983724802165,0.025755763888744603,0.0,0.123027214773764,0.3605784924126241,0.011835258394743193,0.01196030120770788,0.0,0.013406327371430708,0.04146653996155463,0.0538176170095305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,bisexualborderline,2019/06/05,"Seroquel I was prescribed 50mg seroquel for bpd six months ago and it is the only medication that has helped me with my symptoms. I really do think it saved my life. Now I’ve gained 15kg which is a heap for me, before it I was 60kg now I’m 75kg. I am a literal zombie on it even when I switched the 50 from morning to night. My memory is completely awful, I’ve been freaking out about how bad it is. I see people I’ve known for years in the street but I can’t remember them and I just can’t think properly. They switched me from it to abilify but it made me physically sick so they put me back on seroquel. Has anyone else had problems with these side effects?",1.8152127659574475,3.3656864964539004,3.721578014184399,89.30875,77.65248226950355,7.253191489361702,24.51595744680851,8.07648339933343,1.267046808510638,520,18,117,9,12,176,89,141,0.10800000000000001,0.8640000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.8909,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,2,9,4,0,0,5,1,14,4,0,3,0,17,19,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,5,1,19,1,14,14,0,15,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,8,75,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935107693104973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264121725373,0.2236752927222006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786008459197185,0.18227231484060055,0.0,0.0,0.18575817253061636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749426157576034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288845685620056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823625720556316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418582939783395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632263760815792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541925353666748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656179587347548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199154096462493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424586943865594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486081084366006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602783704040425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134250834312893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888468743456795,0.0,0.2194529184676661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398492859219528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472926111011061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395772727056905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689844730147296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797570832262156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057876251927567
bpd,flying_coffee_cup,2019/06/05,"DAE struggle with masturbation/sex/orgasm? Honestly I have NEVER spoken about this except from to my partner and two close friends BUT here's the problem: I have never been able to orgasm during sex or whatever and I can't tell if it's my meds, or a psychological thing.

I'm on aripiprazole atm which apparently isn't too bad for this kinda thing - but I've been on psych meds since I was 15 (5yrs) and a virgin who never masturbated so I have no idea what the problem is and I'm not really willing to come off my meds just to find out.

I haven't got a history of SA or anything so I find it odd that I can't, but it could also be a underlying fear of losing control and trust issues (something my partner and I are working on) - I also still can't bring myself to do solo stuff as I have a lot of internalised shame etc about that (thought I was completely asexual for most my life due to repulsion around sex and a situation with a previous partner that put me off). 

Anyway - anyone else struggle with this? I hear so much more about hypersexuality in the BPD community than people like me who can't do it lol.",4.519211309523811,5.291070236607143,6.1956071428571455,77.24105952380955,69.84821428571428,9.187619047619053,28.772619047619052,9.3871,2.4170319047619047,879,31,175,18,15,303,129,224,0.14300000000000002,0.795,0.062,-0.9589,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,14,12,0,4,10,1,21,5,1,1,3,38,28,20,0,4,10,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,3,17,14,0,1,4,0,1,3,11,8,0,1,6,1,21,4,30,19,5,18,0,1,0,4,8,10,0,7,6,134,38,2,0.1262035525335903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184987073004898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882444583102411,0.12931045361650428,0.10385477049557093,0.1123479184618158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537469483963688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894895645126014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871318568145108,0.13232202370840213,0.0,0.1415480154723104,0.10076326742153846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054268740556593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075032147744562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201408327643064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306955212911434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750455162600404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093650987504367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224057590017192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424684492612124,0.0,0.13172372013274258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891413014369316,0.06165668098024112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411894936665674,0.0,0.10729374728231153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205510889314247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277413227905618,0.0,0.2920078797483881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749365281759246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151951122516405,0.0,0.12686942795136466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084922737967215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439688280731294,0.1418580807693248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715766048807653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078632007709996,0.0,0.0,0.263870709674229,0.14447287371555828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103074675611058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768806501721886,0.0,0.0,0.10019152363805577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328253273190905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187768932151004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,AbandonedDragon,2019/06/05,Can someone please talk to me - I need advice about fp/ex I don’t want to go into too much detail super publicly atm but I need to talk about the situation I’m in. I need advice I need someone to talk me out of doing something stupid. My ex and I own a place together and he broke up with me a couple months ago and went to go live somewhere else and I am living here currently but planning on moving out this month. He was really rude to me last night but we had previously agreed that he could come over this morning to get his stuff and I just don’t want him to today. I don’t know what to do.,-0.015989583333333002,2.1382691718750024,2.2114375000000024,94.40647916666668,87.75,4.975833333333334,17.12708333333333,6.42735559955562,-0.2857266666666667,466,11,106,5,15,157,81,128,0.10099999999999999,0.825,0.07400000000000001,-0.8121,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,23,23,8,0,7,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,3,0,0,3,0,17,1,20,19,2,20,0,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,7,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29081776174796914,0.13190516377195313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818088313600506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188073417663263,0.16464804188576998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243060787706135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774359240375361,0.0,0.16913671041142472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177841242873557,0.1212945652759346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627921132761624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23754677868096805,0.15815437858010767,0.10938756079277508,0.4413431014207774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964183441092978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546779689654447,0.16334135916299444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532721630250482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726116486248185,0.0,0.0,0.25216113814274216,0.1145560646275375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034419905897852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588074130668565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410481470367128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553610549107976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794216725549688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,flowermeow,2019/06/05,"Compulsive need to constantly ask my partner if he loves me About 500 times a day I have to silently struggle to stop myself from constantly turning to my boyfriend and asking him if he loves me. It has nothing to do with him, this has been something I've struggled with in every single relationship I've had. In fact, he shows and expresses his love for me consistently and very frequently every single day in so many different ways. Logically, I can clearly see he loves me. There is no evidence at all that points to anything otherwise! And yet my dumb worm filled brain can never just let me feel CONVINCED that someone truly really loves me. I'm so tired of feeling the need to ask, and I don't want to ask because I know I'd just do it often and I'm paranoid he might feel he isn't adequately caring for me when he absolutely is. 

Why must I have this ceaseless overcast following me around my whole life that prevents me from actually in my heart feeling convinced that I am lovable and that someone truly loves me? It's as if my brain just never wants to believe that I deserve it when I finally have something good. Especially real love. I've made so much progress on my self esteem and controlling intrusive thoughts and not acting on them on impulse, but the hollow internal feeling is still there regardless of how in my mind I logically know the truth, that I AM lovable and loved and my boyfriend loves me more than anything. So why can't my stupid idiot brain let me really feel it?",9.288277243589745,7.383454371527778,8.98819444444445,70.08009615384617,60.84027777777778,12.194871794871796,40.903846153846146,10.891193690592663,4.386935576923079,1201,54,219,24,13,389,149,288,0.049,0.741,0.21,0.9938,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,17,19,3,2,4,0,23,15,4,3,7,54,56,23,0,9,8,0,6,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,14,14,0,3,11,1,0,3,7,5,0,0,4,7,37,14,30,48,6,29,0,0,1,9,28,11,1,5,14,148,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.07558541035443629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747857977553134,0.06895183060878393,0.289641806287832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047216163531887734,0.0,0.0,0.08726584239052268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593979152191696,0.0,0.0,0.0789710605249097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674037920652349,0.0868729471759056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990479994662363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092452847277877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305192254261031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349830164791737,0.0,0.0,0.08484873159251394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496601182342977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178515918848083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851350517233058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584070254092319,0.05470912146017978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6291596438900323,0.07329028187130547,0.0,0.07852773592441079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216806209852444,0.07820799089947238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056938716278544625,0.11486456710053253,0.11947693757337212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432065642259149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322049829150644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816133418129242,0.09923997360091563,0.0,0.0,0.08315823708033962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061722017914489065,0.0,0.08080299542763236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125561441473155,0.11925808043513472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061856074992620365,0.06475627945958623,0.0,0.16194664507523426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149102770137373,0.04516493415934302,0.08902372127619093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424935930824183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390891235491443,0.0913705400756812,0.061480583205782535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978311119768216,0.08647631732464252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Invader_Skooge22,2019/06/05,"GF Gets Close, Then Car Gets Towed Hello people of reddit. I recently got into a BPD relationship, (me male, her female) about 3 months ago. As the tale goes the first month and a half was great then the distance came. It’s been hard to cope with but we communicate, and decided together it is something we are willing to try and solve together. I’m her first partner that’s accepted her BPD as a disorder, and not used it against her as a weapon in fights and arguments. Anyway, she’s been distant the last 2 weeks. We sat down and communicated and everything got better for a few days. Then she got very very low, and started secluding herself for multiple days. I mentioned I was leaving town for a week and would really enjoy spending my last night in town with her. She comes over, parks in a wrong area (she’s been here before) and her car got towed. This of course threw everything into chaos and she partially blames me for asking her to come over, for her car being towed. So now, (this just happened) I’m worried she is going to ignore me the whole time I’m away and possibly move her stuff out as I’m gone. I’ve expressed multiple times that I’m here for her when she needs me, and that I’m committed to doing this with her. To me she isn’t “broken” like many people dismiss people with BPD to be, and I love her to the point I’m willing to work at it and she knows it. Do I let her cool down over her car getting towed and just leave on vacation without trying to help? Because when I try to offer solutions she doesn’t see any point in them. Or do I persist in telling her it’s not anybody’s fault, things happen and we can figure it out together? I don’t feel quite right leaving town on this note but I don’t want to aggravate her as I seem to be doing right now. Please help !",3.084736392134509,4.6259707575757565,4.147371520851145,87.62256198347107,74.20661157024793,7.541331813432128,24.913935594186373,8.216663640201805,1.3853207751496155,1407,45,296,23,29,457,180,363,0.13699999999999998,0.76,0.102,-0.9393,4,0,1,0,1,0,38.0,4,0,1,6,11,13,2,0,13,1,24,1,0,1,1,53,57,31,0,3,8,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,16,33,0,1,6,0,1,11,7,6,0,3,13,4,48,7,51,37,2,62,0,1,1,1,46,28,0,2,24,192,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323895375324664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385696090931188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778621775947737,0.0,0.08822454627692389,0.0,0.0,0.0572421290517483,0.0,0.07990416237637687,0.0,0.0,0.08304918347875194,0.0,0.0,0.3548009616114269,0.0,0.0,0.10739951280226333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177748161329994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111876577120725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762046918614222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687871322528992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047479955831882976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974693926510447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471806358671901,0.0,0.053366988877907764,0.0,0.30040982182728343,0.10352790399160784,0.0,0.0,0.16607544751874548,0.0,0.08411824948776574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588181327908984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160639125499381,0.15308623894329249,0.0,0.2982877579911568,0.0,0.09602172977326924,0.0,0.0458760476527916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475072667148699,0.0,0.0,0.09520245732991296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990425514381686,0.09980356058890104,0.0,0.06962755846312414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881211914997177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953006351702413,0.0,0.0,0.1030768125565371,0.17753654252764986,0.10586102736949413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987693133798167,0.0,0.0,0.0601563844987025,0.0,0.09271744958817492,0.10081620747212726,0.0,0.16038454646418493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482818277705691,0.08548536396187488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229077841236914,0.0,0.0,0.06646471533732433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749596529911648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207497643140672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062384688400594024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095106758522134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912610231019376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110166233296946,0.0,0.15495889267268567,0.055386162865686935,0.0,0.15064593915958768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483885487379872,0.0,0.09051871699491848,0.0,0.06836218211117681,0.0953626078983642,0.0,0.0667056844836362,0.10266770837490408,0.0,0.0
bpd,casualty-casualties,2019/06/05,"You're not alone, I'm here too I found [https://youtu.be/MJEQqKqFR0I](this video) today. It isn't an easy watch, but I hope it helps y'all have a better 20 minutes. 💛",3.479270833333332,5.863519218750002,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,75.5625,5.5166666666666675,16.916666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.5374708333333338,133,2,28,1,3,39,29,32,0.051,0.573,0.376,0.8949,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460522695988307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808994765238247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47221592989339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886742215481426,0.0,0.0,0.4277601882807921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082321548580961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,sites134,2019/06/05,Dating with BPD Should I be honest I’m a dating profile I have BPD in hopes of finding someone who will except me or is that a pipe dream and I should just try to hide it all my life so I don’t have to be alone?,-0.7659183673469414,0.8595871020408197,1.7177142857142869,100.20228571428574,86.14285714285714,3.92,15.922448979591836,3.1291,-1.2452155102040812,164,3,42,0,5,56,38,49,0.077,0.753,0.16899999999999998,0.6597,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,1,10,11,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,6,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134552853110386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7623569811674848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27661764051012266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30060085106808465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137714363718969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564353116667724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548024380312405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,OskarElGrouch,2019/06/05,"Help With Obsessing About Ex ​

Hello. This is the first time I've ever tried to connect with other people with BPD so sorry if I make a faux pas or 2. I'm looking to see if anyone has any advice (therapies, tactics, whatever) about dealing with extreme obsessive thoughts about an ex. I'm going to put a synopsis of my history at the end of the post if you need more details, but to summarize for the short attention spanned of us. I have BPD and OCD and have a long history of dysfunctional obsessive relationships and break ups with people who don't treat me well. It goes back to a f'ed up development from having a mentally ill and abusive mother. I have spent the last 5 months breaking up with the person I most connected to of anyone I have ever met. I hate almost everyone and this person truly made me laugh and light up inside every time I am around them. I am so indescribably deeply in love with them while at the same time intellectually knowing that they gave very little to the relationship and are not in a place to be a good partner at all. So, they made it clear 2 weeks ago that they were not putting in any more efforts at communication and washed their hands of me in a very dismissive and condescending way while claiming the whole thing is their compassionate and mature decision that they won't ever be able to give me what ""I deserve"". Something in my head has just snapped. While I have obsessed over people before it's nothing like this. I can't think of anything else. I can't eat, I'm taking sleeping pills to sleep every second of the day I can, I'm having panic attacks simply from being by myself because I  envision the idea of not ever being with them again, I obsess about whether they're involved with someone else, etc. 

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I've cut off communication, but I can't make these thoughts stop. It feels like there is absolutely no meaning to any life without them and that I will never feel a moment's happiness again without them. I feel as if they literally possess any value or meaning to my existence. Something about the dismissive and dishonest nature of the last 2 things they wrote me has just sent me into an abyss. Has anyone else been through this and found a way through it? Any help at all is greatly appreciated.  I'm really messed up at the moment and feel completely hopeless. I'm currently trying to get started with an EMDR therapist and get ketamine infusions based on recommendations from someone I know.

​

Me: 40 years old. Male. BPD and OCD. Currently in a DBT program, but not connecting with it at all. Been through years of many types of therapies and medications. None of which have helped me much. No friends. Constantly isolated. Hate pretty much everyone and most everything. History of violence, substance abuse, self injury and most of the other standard BPD stuff.",6.393985526668455,7.485620834896814,6.687604395604397,74.23953846153849,65.79174484052533,9.768726882873224,33.4274457250067,9.888512548439397,3.3687405950147413,2287,97,398,49,35,738,270,533,0.162,0.745,0.09300000000000001,-0.9899,2,0,2,0,1,1,61.0,1,1,13,2,20,23,4,6,29,0,33,11,4,4,9,87,72,36,0,5,18,3,5,2,2,2,5,0,0,5,23,32,1,1,15,0,1,4,15,12,1,2,13,8,46,11,78,53,14,69,0,1,2,1,40,27,0,10,35,278,69,2,0.06395535998958099,0.151553287059591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062496437590298035,0.056692567785155086,0.0,0.06404205469695536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788681748533155,0.23313828795099545,0.21745918957829044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415722422270754,0.06552982420410376,0.05262981192159152,0.05693382971444561,0.0,0.0727584548836938,0.0,0.04917772410321351,0.0,0.03898659383745871,0.0,0.054421300816291165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221981481734563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705597814743207,0.06911302359085139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124591629835729,0.06593516787882472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544229974246632,0.16027949009623865,0.0,0.05664546599421371,0.0,0.07132713222429604,0.0,0.23140513849614416,0.1077702983265603,0.12222417443357073,0.057478953693217226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935100661714918,0.04568972195544183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544003965355268,0.0,0.07012375115391525,0.04941175247982038,0.0,0.06682807186883502,0.06135180897755304,0.03634730493392821,0.05364272161775813,0.0,0.07051101017076793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808166995399563,0.0,0.1262853545412716,0.0656366504711138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286037890396601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219781675506359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029638654622948,0.1042643087993949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517356214533913,0.06249071676178895,0.06410007238548493,0.0,0.056598481032968835,0.0537063948222373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577222093745625,0.12103221599610604,0.0853813988291091,0.06484069683875515,0.0,0.13933227236979825,0.0,0.0644282967443808,0.06445196040829129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051048558173958,0.0,0.0940290967807552,0.0474220890568504,0.049326316346844465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613668927956004,0.0,0.06711039185952497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503783499566552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301578165788627,0.11168670693933824,0.06681973898462461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125155597563744,0.06506559347635578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285856027569766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097144127991308,0.0,0.0,0.13732824400698107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050964141583324636,0.0,0.06671938861486718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800309557139275,0.0,0.1083783379523686,0.0984719213923328,0.0,0.07159278940589284,0.045267932977056766,0.0,0.0,0.05346954468274062,0.0,0.0,0.07321358600225249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808647136940845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462770558259544,0.07425710230684407,0.08497819870227545,0.04098001227707161,0.0,0.10154682389738554,0.11187865417591708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684298258567663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769304234516878,0.0,0.0,0.10553973987709037,0.0,0.1015295757655175,0.05130113205579643,0.0,0.057503549360594236,0.0,0.0,0.07140387545078976,0.0,0.12330136955522528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23313828795099545,0.08237030994889362
bpd,viruskit,2019/06/05,"Big fuckin oof- recently my mother was diagnosed Over the last 20 somethingish years my mom has been abusive, she's been a terror and just plain awful. She's had violent outbursts, she's beaten us, she's threatened us and other people and she's just been a shitty person all her life. She's had great moments of being a mother but it's felt like she's hurt us mentally and physically way too much for me to handle. I'm diagnosed with MDD and I can't handle that shit every month of every year. I don't even know how I've survived this long

Recently she told us she has bpd and that's why. Any stressful situation exacerbates her mental state and she'll fly off the handles and it does explain a lot but it doesn't excuse her abuse. Our relationship is strained right now and it hurts because we've barely had that mother-daughter relationship that I see so much. She's offered family therapy for us but I'm scared it won't help. She needs to listen and be receptive to change in order for it to work and I don't think she can do that.",2.1659422252313263,4.439495298578198,3.763642518618824,85.9750552922591,79.42654028436019,6.673076055066577,22.369893929135642,7.793537801064563,1.12993820807944,832,26,165,14,21,276,123,211,0.18100000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.084,-0.9557,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,6,0,0,3,7,12,4,4,6,1,20,5,1,1,1,25,30,16,0,1,5,3,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,13,12,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,9,3,29,2,13,17,4,17,0,2,1,1,34,5,2,1,10,105,42,2,0.0,0.24241537344073996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956688524876947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236057222944874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884211541494306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108218866721076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766283419136528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952261797468808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756758031593457,0.0,0.17238278114271846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643847220908837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822316348154717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127851014904714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685689197746996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902657089640265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622090133036277,0.08338740730911254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225686852179589,0.04997816521931352,0.0,0.0,0.09053147036257232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697102314659272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618683176723546,0.0,0.0,0.11981145103747648,0.08165415302728149,0.0,0.15040319515761855,0.07585347471570335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092130433618729,0.08932361447370123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201600841040213,0.21966186415886516,0.0,0.08736285896376621,0.0,0.0,0.1024192295150615,0.0,0.08151912540933921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500853986557687,0.0,0.11498845681713032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171832553315386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698791824923548,0.0,0.0,0.06554912250663546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775115889485787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6152660127609865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120025141652062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230901189603297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447495168205254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175451244973102
bpd,unexpected_surpise,2019/06/05,Self-Hatred How do you guys deal with self-hatred?,-0.08999999999999986,1.8011440000000007,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,109.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-2.655,40,0,8,0,2,12,8,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076327262291543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915011422407889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8249620695105593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,thesunindrag,2019/06/05,"My therapists consistently convince that I’m not BPD and then days like today come once in a blue moon and I’m not sure To preface: I am NOT asking for a diagnosis, just venting my frustrations surrounding the concept.

I’ve suspected I had BPD since about 15, which is too young for a diagnosis but the age at which I first started losing people because of my uncontrollable emotional outbursts that I knew were wrong but felt unable to stop.

Today, after a couple weeks build up of depression and idealizing eating disorders, I had one such meltdown at my ex. Within minutes I’m alternating between begging for him back and begging him to stay away from me. As I melt down I genuinely have no idea what to do because I’m so upset and I don’t know where I’m supposed to put that emotion. When I’m stable I always know how wrong these meltdowns are. I always feel proud of myself when I think I’ve matured past that but here we are and I’m 15 again and I’ve driven away the person I love. My therapists tell me it’s not BPD but I know this isn’t normal.",3.9591054502369687,5.41928160189574,5.323741113744077,80.38238892180097,71.8436018957346,8.118601895734598,28.35337677725118,8.660442795831766,2.177438151658768,842,32,161,15,16,282,126,211,0.16,0.7440000000000001,0.096,-0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,5,12,13,1,2,7,0,11,2,0,1,1,32,30,17,0,2,9,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,1,9,0,0,3,7,7,0,2,6,3,24,6,24,24,0,30,0,2,1,1,8,10,0,0,17,106,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257700203292664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380043166503614,0.0,0.22873730537689055,0.09360229181773773,0.0,0.14841006166509307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599412483765569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485898419566213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346911177357703,0.0,0.07850530629571256,0.0,0.10484523861662948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951228520782805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455942907935265,0.0,0.2738580803540683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154997455191993,0.0,0.11687918526149314,0.0,0.0,0.10354285165437926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741752461597595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069766364409794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947077068837295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361839117506626,0.0,0.0,0.1098654153840621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926883531718036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963769570215344,0.08248690116332402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620435855279188,0.08439174604728793,0.10628929993951232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237153439184613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069570692597428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616060116184561,0.12974720118759553,0.0,0.10177111722883514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472839279798196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639674410375644,0.0,0.0,0.2826741207086741,0.0,0.07799919857621634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307702218786734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764387475900244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26618368644462465,0.0,0.0
bpd,blackonesplenda,2019/06/05,"Saying Goodbye If you like me as a teacher, it's because I am different - probably in a similar way to how you are. Or at least that’s how it feels. I listen to you and I make you feel seen. I show you that despite our cookie-cutter curriculum and endless standardized tests, the world has room for you.

If you don’t like me as a teacher, it's because I am different. I make you uncomfortable. I don’t know how to speak to you gently, like children. I don’t know how to reward you for jumping through the hoops that have earned you gold stars and smiley faces since you were five.

Either way, you are right - I am different. Always have been.

There’s a reason I treat you like real people instead of children - it’s because teenagers are my people. We are very much the same, you and I. You are emotional, impulsive, and reckless. Bouncing between hobbies and obsessions, you want to do everything simultaneously or nothing at all. The friend you love more than anyone one day is your nemesis the next. You are chastised over and over for overreacting, and once the fire is out and you watch as those you love dig the shrapnel out of their skin from the timebomb in your chest for the thousandth time,
the embarrassment and shame that engulfs you are almost unbearable. You are always changing - morphing into someone new depending on where you are and who you’re with, always thinking:
“This is it! This is the real me!” At the end of the day, you have no idea who you are. Most of the time you’re scared to death.

 When we are happy we glow. When we're sad we grieve. When we're angry we burn.

I have been a teacher for the last 8 years and it has been the best thing I've ever done and have been exceptionally good at and loved. But I am hiding a secret. 

It’s not a bad thing, being this way - you are a teenager and will eventually grow out of it. Unfortunately, what you don’t realize (how could you?) is that the things that make me the teacher you either love or hate - are actually the very same things that make being a “grown-up”
very difficult for me.

I have what is called Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s basically PTSD's and Bipolar Disorder’s wild cousin who doesn’t get invited to family reunions. Many therapists refuse to treat someone with BPD because a majority of the symptoms are not things that you can recover from or will ever go away. I rejected this for a long time because having a “personality disorder” makes it sound like you suck at being human, but now I have to accept the harsh reality that this job that I love is hurting me too much for me to stay.

I have been a teacher for the last 8 years and it has been the best thing I've ever done and have been exceptionally good at and loved. However, as an empath it is becoming too much to handle. Due to my deteriorating health and mental state for the last couple of years, I have decided to leave teaching a while. I know that this is the best thing for me right now but I am completely heartbroken. 

I don't know who I am if I'm not Ms. Blackonesplenda but I can't stay. And I can't even say goodbye or explain why I am abandoning them.",4.134511667494151,5.575082753670472,5.1993435704659925,81.52109351727077,71.38172920065253,8.397318958791404,27.68171501524931,8.903607488879933,2.090120107809065,2460,88,489,47,46,810,255,613,0.096,0.7859999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.9590000000000001,5,1,0,0,0,0,68.0,6,34,2,5,19,35,2,4,40,0,70,12,3,12,4,91,97,46,2,5,19,1,4,5,1,2,3,5,1,5,43,32,0,2,14,1,0,3,12,13,0,2,11,12,78,22,61,80,15,55,0,5,3,6,67,21,1,11,30,365,121,4,0.0,0.0,0.06417274864119893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584962802547692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415397788888614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598126108330386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178414165542586,0.0,0.054907259308684606,0.2004349106477885,0.07262729066601688,0.0,0.0,0.20703472006386586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282303053874479,0.0,0.06714880905558306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956587505911521,0.0,0.06894861882223206,0.0,0.0,0.05250439739374346,0.07276272739335353,0.0,0.0848201469696414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611713557838926,0.2261016438333054,0.0,0.0,0.13459161823679852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397169605631017,0.058244272184885225,0.0,0.0,0.043434181051071934,0.17845237436470976,0.0,0.0,0.05910128489634341,0.0,0.0619931340242249,0.0,0.06650095558899377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080638865007865,0.0,0.03435713996877614,0.0,0.03737319985989679,0.11031355197826016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000326056117365,0.0,0.06492486586320874,0.0,0.06990032192135325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039796075889868,0.07423558472739793,0.0,0.0,0.06525713572113896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456097411329366,0.16081072000099386,0.0,0.06963086001015965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606362597702877,0.0,0.0,0.058195961083134864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561084385043325,0.0,0.21947817648092333,0.06667081167131468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627110323804958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502457196018098,0.0,0.0,0.06351188752386927,0.06993702329997199,0.0,0.0,0.06309896025028253,0.0,0.0,0.07003277180298591,0.04456100746482618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118008247483958,0.1148390404109804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090092667485952,0.0,0.07687048949854608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969966060273593,0.0,0.06761273239062365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231819211606757,0.0,0.1045907564016554,0.06583771887446699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543977538823992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143729341529364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018385753667853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835032458777346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635299317446688,0.30581841579796737,0.04213666437927285,0.0,0.0,0.11503640531735396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277786477256154,0.0387872386614829,0.15659283956566236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933861056723845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270427915565243
bpd,Goldenking99,2019/06/05,"DAE get really anxious and depressed when people don’t follow up on plans? This has been a crippling problem for me. I get severe anxiety and depression and I can physically feel my mood flipping between feeling empty to sad as hell and back meanwhile my chest just hurts and feels heavy. All of this just because a friend and I talked yesterday about possibly making plans today and they haven’t said a word about it and is currently hanging hanging out with our mutual friend, who also knew that we were making plans today. I really want to think that they just forgot but I can’t shake the feeling that they’re avoiding me.  I feel so screwed up mentally.",6.489435483870968,7.469378588709683,6.442096774193548,76.48314516129034,65.53225806451613,9.425806451612903,32.435483870967744,9.516144504307137,3.0738580645161284,531,21,91,10,8,168,86,124,0.23,0.701,0.068,-0.9611,1,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,2,3,9,12,2,2,4,0,8,2,1,2,1,30,23,13,0,2,4,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,2,7,0,0,4,3,9,0,0,5,6,14,2,13,18,1,14,1,4,0,1,9,4,2,0,6,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195869407670506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357985012795974,0.20054144032077495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649808987513806,0.0,0.10821150605469364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057868461498718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44878462882937337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742953218706545,0.0,0.18548853828594236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900334959683257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369853030730063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889338404468594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306656079653396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012150830019187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985789628481704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274413294280153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885743064561548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054144032077495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267984562699074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374445444323565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33652695756463824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470295563025493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,norther-nice,2019/06/05,"Anger. My girlfriend’s car’s battery died two days ago. She caught a ride in to work yesterday and worked from home today. I worked on it yesterday, and swapped in a new battery, but the damn thing wouldn’t start. I just couldn’t figure it out. My hands hurt so fucking bad because I have carpal tunnel/arthritis going on, and I kept dropping necessary screws and bolts into the car. So I got indignant. And then I got angry. And I threw things. I took a pair of pliers and stabbed things (styrofoam boxes, bike seat, etc.) I punched a cement wall. I punched and dented my girlfriend’s car. I came inside and shouted that I couldn’t do it and that my “fucking hands are killing me.” I’m so angry. I’m angry at my girlfriend. I’m angry at her car. I’m angry at myself. Im angry at having useless hands at 26 years old. I’m angry at everyone. I’m angry at everything. I want to cut out of frustration, which I haven’t done in two years. I thought I was done getting this angry, but I guess old habits die hard.",1.264944567627495,3.5395027073170735,2.7221396895787144,92.14289911308205,82.90243902439025,5.288248337028826,22.48891352549889,6.574015621080383,0.546317073170731,785,27,163,8,22,255,109,205,0.38799999999999996,0.606,0.006,-0.9984,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,4,11,8,0,6,0,11,6,3,0,0,25,32,16,3,4,3,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,10,14,0,1,2,1,0,10,4,11,0,2,11,5,26,0,20,18,1,39,0,2,0,3,5,16,4,1,12,93,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237144805316968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165295597044146,0.08507651695332824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962328136748224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000680879798255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896894263379137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856435052579301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556500164957257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335875264785674,0.12543053129309534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804811868977645,0.07291608511647531,0.0,0.07931706261161034,0.0,0.22324310541044248,0.0,0.1537447540069508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502134000223078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999340976251734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494054424607857,0.0,0.15075235686678165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544061581698517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479114387306854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29289649742602625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878365069339266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781590458773721,0.0,0.0,0.11079770293451334,0.0,0.0,0.13228972802591393,0.0,0.15506000643228346,0.0,0.0,0.27266620853056306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231807415413554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048113220993348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974843096153745
bpd,tree_is_free,2019/06/05,Hi I was married to a man with BPD. He's divorcing me and doesn't know a lot about his condition. Does anyone have any advice for me? I've been crying non-stop since I found this sub 2 hours ago. Your stories helped me a lot and I finally feel like I have answers to my questions. I feel like I know what he was trying to say now and which parts were real now. I'm super emotional right now so this is not a very detailed request. I was really deeply in love with this person at one point and this has been very painful and confusing and scary.  Looking for advice on my life going forward. I'm kind of breaking down because this is the first time I've believed he loved me since he announced we were getting divorced.  This is the first time I've felt like I was divorcing someone I was in some type of genuine relationship with.,3.352603550295857,4.746815029585797,4.212544378698226,88.0151479289941,73.2603550295858,7.093491124260355,27.201183431952664,7.61054688173877,1.424990532544378,656,24,136,8,13,211,102,169,0.069,0.8029999999999999,0.128,0.8746,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,1,1,0,3,5,9,0,1,6,0,16,4,0,0,0,24,29,7,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,10,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,11,5,18,7,16,18,4,20,0,0,1,2,20,8,0,5,14,82,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266682053814275,0.12095801773585588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927932303561076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541163589802204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318094051980399,0.0,0.0,0.15373665080591195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185872347904907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988803887044674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194115976603105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349210449224815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799023367437638,0.19496517496177967,0.13101700044001954,0.1494784151832071,0.0,0.2321349829811327,0.0,0.14961449564119128,0.0,0.0,0.07129145334355655,0.0,0.07754981167037334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146207344442962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343794589116659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209558432892458,0.1499828267233979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638132024421182,0.19999323160957805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458678467441175,0.0,0.0,0.2320162001299576,0.2463096768430144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246459360434636,0.0,0.1451964125161012,0.0,0.0,0.14776611577258664,0.0,0.0,0.11914615271990946,0.0,0.0,0.12899290110902206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528594308147305,0.0,0.0,0.15531424296529367,0.08741576743851394,0.0,0.0,0.1465002629372869,0.0,0.11653075838315315,0.0,0.10851350020625007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257519069646517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561682100821888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408144641768385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913455989925804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264314034637408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517727149472053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
bpd,Hidinginthewoodpile,2019/06/05,"Spiraling anger tornado. Ok, I'm male and my wife has been very very ill recently so it's been left to me to do the dishes. On the surface I don't mind it, but as I'm cooking food It's like i get this feeling that my wife is pretending to be sick so that I have to do the chores on top of working a 12 hour day. At first it's nothing but as time goes on and I feel this rage building up, i start to talk to myself about how badly she takes advantage of me until I'm in a blind absolute rage.

 The dinner is cooked and I slam it down in front of her, she's all nice and says thanks, it looks lovely and i sneer at her and say yeah whatever. Intellectually, I know these thoughts and voices are wrong and come from my illness, but I can't control it.

So last night it all comes to a head and she yells at me about how i'm abusive and I know it's true. It's an argument we've had a lot over the years. So this time I'm listening about it all and I realise that she doesn't have any idea where I'm coming from and the one person I rely on doesn't actually understand what is happening. 

Which is understandable because im not the sharing the feelings kind of guy. So I ask her if she knows what it's like to hate yourself with such a depth of hate that suicide is constantly in your mind and that the only reason ive not killed myself is because of how devastating it would be to her. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, im just so frustrated that she doesn't understand that she bares the brunt of my fuckwittery.

 I'm so lonely and have no one to go to. I try to make it clear im not angry at her but im frustrated with my inability to be clear and make her understand what is wrong. Im just typing rubbish now, but i hope someone understands.",2.6211644444444446,3.424530672000003,4.427200000000003,88.05937777777781,74.28,8.008888888888889,25.08888888888889,8.401726058763845,1.3311422222222218,1362,42,316,23,27,464,177,375,0.225,0.638,0.13699999999999998,-0.9941,0,2,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,5,18,24,8,0,16,2,27,11,1,7,6,63,65,34,2,3,12,2,3,2,0,1,4,5,1,3,29,20,5,1,14,3,0,5,10,13,0,3,4,10,40,11,45,57,4,37,0,2,2,1,26,19,0,3,15,204,69,2,0.0,0.10349813712954417,0.08524319926055834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940252820568335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107872708851761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166256587020232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293548344439288,0.10649824661649362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22573869655869666,0.0,0.0943967541955162,0.09797298065516216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056334977405043736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325037729017609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430178269009334,0.1056266923594534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045637947421517236,0.0,0.04964429902284974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649246503353196,0.07724530979100483,0.0,0.0,0.17248453260702118,0.0896486138042281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676049814128284,0.08602437448972047,0.0,0.09351239464683234,0.09861006229486977,0.4717771206014357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664232681798156,0.09096393048942313,0.1440195431382299,0.07120374581907822,0.0,0.0,0.09490847963894633,0.0,0.0,0.08535179801401521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335389319348437,0.0,0.0,0.07426376266621766,0.07883881976007143,0.0,0.11661661578943895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764017505693246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197417304300604,0.0,0.08381684368582151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118384296107172,0.06643532546540881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627261892254228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981266568383445,0.08624981264207701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893203700230755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401328140679524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061828375032053635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554918811070157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567802394031913,0.0702104329788478,0.0,0.08042221940443801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934793239204881,0.10187160363571167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186128931252655,0.0,0.0,0.4546838856605161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414951575574225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359348132505736,0.0,0.0,0.06205253503445054,0.1910119540832634,0.0,0.05625198766650001
bpd,soykenopsia,2019/06/05,"is this normal I tend to look at the people i love as enemies when they make me upset. Or i'm just upset in general. I never believe anything they say, but the next minute i would do everything and anything for them. Is this bc of my bpd or should i look into it more..?",0.5073684210526324,2.5410438596491254,3.0202631578947354,90.32934210526315,84.08771929824562,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.5155052631578951,208,6,45,3,6,72,44,57,0.10300000000000001,0.85,0.047,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,12,11,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,10,1,7,9,1,6,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,2,3,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428443290268717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932921335309957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32786464002470256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339593392259695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372074241950724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349494744809406,0.0,0.17376599928092085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077526881496946,0.0,0.2768538752988266,0.0,0.25505888346907823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047350310401375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070173626495013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492426118152105,0.0,0.0,0.0